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NaNoWriMo Part 5Well , this is it for the NaNoWriMo thing as an actual NaNoWriMo thing . I failed even more spectacularly this year than last year , but that 's okay ; I knew it would happen like that . I 'll probably come back to this at some point , but there are other bits of fiction I want to write more / first . Here goes , it 's the beginning of a chapter or section called : DurdenOne of the things that Tyler hated were malls . Either they 're freshly cleaned and smell of disinfectant or they haven 't been cleaned for a while and they stink like too many monkeys in a cage . Some people believed that they were for convenient shopping , but how could that be when there are eight stores , with different names , that sell the exact same clothes and three stores that sold games and all the so called music stores sold the same fifteen new albums and displayed DVD , not CDs , in the windows ? There was no variety at any mall , anywhere . Tyler saw them only as locations built for too large parking lots where people could go inside and still convince themselves that they were going " out . " They weren 't out , though . " Out " was someplace more interesting than Forever 21 or Pottery Bar . " Out " was some activity that wasn 't all about money . " Out " was some food that wasn 't timed by a machine so it was exactly the same as all the other hundreds of convenient locations . " Out " was people talking about more than the thing in the window or what 's on sale or what 's new or the slowness of the escalator . Most people rarely , if ever , did " out . " And yet , here he was sitting in the food court on the second floor , sucking on a frozen coffee - like drink , in a mall . At least it was the open mall on K Street , so it didn 't carry the stink of too many people crammed into too small a place trying to spend money as quickly as they were sweating . Not that he was comfortable there , but the gas heat lamps really kept the chill out of the air . " Durden ! " he heard and looked around him . No one . It had to be for him , though . No one had a nickname as stupid as this one . " Durden ! " heBy Thanksgiving was really pretty great this year . It was at my parents ' house , which isn 't quite set up for parties , since a third of the square footage is downstairs , and things can get crowded quickly . My mom 's parents were there and her brother and two of his kids ( nine and six ) . Neither of my brothers were there . ( One 's in Peru , and that 's quite a trip to make for a weekend . ) My mom also invited Johnny Logic and Heels and their son ( two ) over , since their family Thanksgiving was on Friday . There was noshing and talking and card playing and Guess Who playing and watching the two - year old play with the cats ' water dish and probably other things that I 've forgotten . ( The dish is a big glass thing with marbles and water in it . Hell , here 's a picture of him playing . The towel wasn 't there when he started . ) At one point , Heels mentioned the notion of a possibility of a job where she works . In fact , it 'd sort of be as assistant to her , which would probably change the whole tone of this blog ( " You know , that Heels is the greatest boss in the world . She 's so smart and beautiful . I 'm surprised that she doesn 't run the place . She should . She just so damn good . Everyone pales in comparison to her . And the way she treats her subordinates is spectacular . I 've never seen anyone go out of their way to make people feel so useful and needed in a company . " ) because she reads this stuff when her Bloglines gets pinged . Still , if it actually comes up , I actually have stuff that could be put into a portfolio . I 'm happy to know that there 's a notion of a possibility of a job that could actually put some of my schooling to use . Friday was a slow day . I did a lot of laundry . Saturday was spent at Costco and my grandparents ' ( my dad 's parents ) house and a restaurant . We pre - celebrated my grandma 's and uncle 's birthday , which was actually yesterday . I spent Sunday in a bad mood and left a hour later than I wanted to . Then I got here and put stuff away and slept . Dear Mrs . Le Guin , A long time ago , I first read your Earthsea trilogy . I was young when I read it through the first time , fourth grade ( nineteen years ago , now ) . I remember finding the boxed set at a library book sale earlier in the year and they reminded me of the boxed set of The Chronicles of Narnia I got for Christmas a month or so before , and they looked to be about the same size as the Narnia books ; I still wasn 't ready for four and five hundred page books back then . I figured when I was done with Narnia , I 'd start a new set of fantasy books and they 'd be yours . With Narnia finished , a few weeks later , I eagerly started in on A Wizard of Earthsea . I was confused . There was some stuff going on in there , Ged getting his true name and learning the true names of things , but it was so dense . The Narnia books were pretty straight forward ; I knew who was bad , who was good , and the heroes started in a weaker position and worked hard to defeat the evil . Earthsea wasn 't so easy ; Ged was the hero , but he made some big mistakes and the bad people he faced weren 't necessarily evil , just people ; and he may have been growing up in that first book , but the story of his life didn 't always work in an A to B to C way , rather it bounced from one moment to another to another with Ged as the only real connection , until he moved to Roke . By the time I finished the trilogy , I was baffled . I found some interesting things in the books , but there was so much more that I didn 't understand . So , I put the set on my small bookshelf next to Narnia , but whenever I looked at them the Narnia set made me happy and your set made me feel confused and frustrated . I moved on to other books . Orson Scott Card 's Ender 's Game , in fifth grade , opened me up to science fiction . I remember going through science fiction books at the store and the library and seeing your name on novels that seemed to be science fiction rather than fantasy . Some looked interesting , but there was always something nagging in my head , reminding me of how hard a time I had readingBy NaNoWriMo Part 4Didn 't get much done this week and what was done is sort of muddled , incomplete sentences and all . Hell , on the other hand , was what her pre - flight pit stop was supposed to take care of . She got air sick . Not the simple air sick of the movies where a person vomits once into a bag and goes on with the flight , no , she got air sick like most people got sea sick . She started getting queasy when she felt the engines start up . By the time they were barely off the ground , she 'd thrown up at least once . Dramamine . TV TimeClick - - " The nation is stunned this morning after a shocking speech given by the president yesterday afternoon in which he blamed the people of America for the problems he 's been experiencing as president . We go live to Breanne Vanhoose who 's in Washington now . Breanne ? " " I 'm standing across from the White House on one of the most famous streets in America . But instead of the majestic mansion that 's stood for hundreds of years , you 'll see only protesters . They 're here to voice their anger with the president and the words he spoke yesterday . " I spoke with a few of the protesters earlier and asked if they knew that the President had gone home for the holiday and all said it didn 't matter , they 'd be here every day until he came back after the new - - " Click - - " - - the most brilliant thing he 's done since he was elected . He 's energized the base like no person since Martin Luther King Junior . They 're all talking about what he said . They all have an opinion . They all - - " Click - - " - - idiotic move on his part . He 's ruined the chances of his party during the next national elections . They 're going to loose every seat they gained . . . " " Are you suggesting that they made gains in the last election ? Because I don 't remember that . In fact , I think that President Gandbuth actually brought in up in his statment yesterdayFinishing School , or At Least the QuarterGretchen had only one more final and then her first quarter at college would be finished . The final was on a Saturday , though . She wanted to take the person wBy I tweaked my back yesterday . I 'm not sure how because it didn 't happen during the night or around my apartment in the morning or on the walk to work . No . It happened as I was stepping out of the elevator . When I stepped forward with my right foot , my back protested . I took a step with my left foot , all was fine . Right foot , pain . Left foot , normalcy . Stopped , okay . Right , owwww . Left , nada . Odd . I walked into work , cringing at every other step . I sat at my desk . At first , there was a little ache , but it went away after about 30 seconds . I stood up to go on my break , I was okay and hoped that it had gone a way . Right foot forward and a little gasp escaped . All day it went on like that . Walked back to my apartment with a limp that felt , and probably looked , awkward . It didn 't hurt climbing the stairs , though . When I got in bed , I felt better , but occasionally I moved my leg in some way and the back went , oh . Been that way all day . Hoping it doesn 't get worse , I have a long drive tomorrow night . I 've once again fallen into bored mode . There 's work in my basket that I could be looking though , but tomorrow I 'm supposed to take some time training the new SLT on how we process the mail we get each day , which means that I need mail for him to process , and I don 't want to process the mail now only to have to show him how to do it tomorrow only to do it for myself again after he 's through . The stupidest thing about this training that that he 'll never have to do the work that I do . SLTs work for the judges . SLTs do what , in other places , legal secretaries do . SLTs never do the work that I do unless one of us clerks royally fucks up . I 'm only going to be working with him for an hour , but it 'll be a very wasted hour . It 'll be especially wasted because we 're not working together until 10 : 30 . My first two hours will be spent pretending to work , but not actually working so he can try and do my work . Truly , stupidity should be more appreciated . If it was , then sycophants would be able to tell the truth , and it seems to me that more truth is needed in this world . I 'm not sure what else to write right now . I 'm sick of writing about work , just sick of work . I don 't know if this long weekend will charge my batteries , but it will be nice not being here for a few days . In the past few months , I 've discovered the fun of Stargate : Atlantis . The channel that it 's on showed Farscape last year and changed over to this show at the beginning of the season . At first I was upset , but I was also lazy and bored , so I watched the episode . It was fun and it made me laugh . It 's not great , but sometimes science fiction doesn 't need to be great , just whimsical . I really don 't like the character of Ronon ; he 's like a weaker version of Tyr from Andromeda . ( Yes , I can tell the differences in their back story and other ways , but every time Ronon appears on screen I think of how much better Tyr was right from the start while I 've seen Ronon each week since September and I still think he 's boring . ) Still , the occasional appearance by Robert PicardoBy I was house sitting for a neighbor of my parents who lived down the hill from them . My job was to feed and water the cat and to make sure that the garden didn 't get too dry , although it was during the fall because none of the trees had leaves . Early in the morning on my last day of house sitting , my brother , the middle one , and I decided to go ballooning . He had a hot air balloon that was shaped like a dirigible , longer than it was wide , and the basket was shaped the same way . There was a little propeller attached to the basket , although I don 't remember seeing any motor or anything that would drive the propeller to give us any kind of push forward , but it did . We flew over the neighborhood my parents lived in . Someone had come through and cut out massive amounts of manzanita leaving only the twisted stumps covering the hills . When the sun started rising , my brother gave the propeller a push with his hand and set us down near the place I was house sitting . We checked the garden , which was green and lively , and filled the cat 's food and water down near the house then headed back to the garage , which was where my room was , for some breakfast . Outside the door were two guys , older and larger and better looking than us . We asked them to leave and they got up and went . I opened the door and found the cat , looking like someone had poured vegetable oil all over it . My brother said we should clean it up , so I grabbed it and brought it up with us thinking I could give it a bath in the sink , or at least put it in the tub and blast it with the shower . My brother went to the kitchen to get food , and I headed to the bathroom . I pushed the door open , and heard some splashing . " Who 's there ? " I asked . There wasn 't any answer , just splashing . I asked again and dropped the cat . Still , only splashing . Slowly , I walked to the frosted glass doors of the tub . I didn 't see a shape or anything through the glass . I just heard splashing . I slid the door open , then stuck my head in too look around . I saw a baby sitting in about an inch of water smBy Stupidity , that I don 't wish to write about , melted my brain this morning . Still it made me wonder why I didn 't try to take all of next week off instead of the two days supplied . Thursday can not come soon enough . Yesterday , Blogger blocked comments I wrote on some other people 's blogs . I didn 't know that until this morning . I didn 't rewrite any , though , due to the stupidity mentioned above . Been spending a lot of time , this afternoon , playing this Something * Positive archives . I 'm pretty close to finishing 2005 . Between comics , I also rated things at Amazon to " improve my recommendations . " So far , it 's not suggested anything exciting and new to me , but it 's another good time waster . Be well . NaNoWriMo Part 3By the time she got out of the school and into her car , they were running way more than an hour behind schedule and Cindy really had wanted to be at the air force base before her husband got there so they could get off the ground as soon as possible . She wanted to get back home and get to work . It was the only gift she wanted from Marc anymore . Cindy knew it was odd for a president to leave the White House during Christmas . He was expected to be in Washington right up until Christmas Eve hosting functions and greeting important people from other nations and pardoning turkeys and meeting people who helped buy his way into the Oval Office and also meeting the people who failed to help get people of his party elected everywhere during the last election , and until Marc took office , that 's what all the modern Presidents had done . When Marc had first brought up the possibility of running for President , Cindy made him promise that at least twice each year , for two week stretches , they would spend time at home so she could work in her studio . When he was elected , he tried to talk her out of the promise saying that it was important for the two of them to be at the White House as much as possible because it would reassure the people , since the election had been so close , in the popular vote , at least . He also wanted her in Washington , near him , to show the traditionalists that , as crazy as some of his ideas may seem , being President may be his job , but being a husband and father was his real passion in life , so she couldn 't spend most of the year 3000 miles away from him like she did when for the term he spent as a congressman . She stuck to her guns , though . It was bad enough that she 'd be away from her studio for so long , but she wasn 't going to be away from it all year long and she promised that if he didn 't keep his word she would become an embarrassment to his entire administration and possibly for the first time make the American public want a divorced man as heir President . Together , they decided it wouBy Since I can 't think of anything else to write today , I thought I 'd link you all to my brother 's comic . Title Page for Made in USA . ( Which has nothing of much interest . ) " Chapter 1 " in which our hero discovers smoking . " Chapter 2 " in which our hero is far from home . " Chapter 3 " in which our hero starts a journey back . In making this links , I noticed that , for some reason , he 's missing a chunk that happens between the first and second chapters . It was there last week , before he started fiddling with it . Still , what he has is good and I thought I 'd once again ( He was still posting to MySpace back then . ) point the few of you who visit to the strip . In just a little over eight days , I 'll be on my way up to Cowtown for Thanksgiving . The best thing about that trip will be the being away from here . Sure , visiting with family and ( hopefully ) friends will be great and so will eating too much yummy food , but what I 'm really looking forward to is not being in this general area anymore . I don 't think this is a horrible place , it 's not . Lots of people love it here , but I don 't . I 'm not sure what it is , it 's just not a comfortable fit , for me . I felt more comfortable living in a ( semi - ) crap hole in Cowcity . What am I trying to say here today ? I 'm not sure . I 'm just tired . I haven 't been on an interview since early August ( Or did I have one in September ? ) because of my car and gas and going to something like eleven interviews and not being hired and only being called back for two of them and only getting letters for about five of them . I 've been all over that crap before though . And maybe it 's not even about the crap . Maybe it 's about needing to set my sights higher than me just wanting to live and work somewhere else . But that all I really want right now . I don 't expect to be jumped up a pay grade or suddenly be put in an office with actual responsibilities , that 's not going to happen because I don 't have the experience . I can do my job , though , and I can do it pretty quickly and accurately . I can learn how to do other things , too , if that 's what the job requires . ( I got this far yesterday evening and then got distracted by work stuff . It was a stupid survey about a stupid program that still hasn 't been completed , but they want to know what we all think about how they 've done so far . The trouble was , it wouldn 't really allow me to be thoughtful in my honesty . Several of the questions supplied an " other " choice and then a one line box to explain that " other . " However , they little box only allowed for 40 characters , including spaces . 40 characters is not much space to write / The space between the letter " e " and the slash would be character 41 in the sentence I was trying tBy I ended up throwing away my copy of Time Enough For Love without finishing it . It was old , bought at a used bookstore , and I knocked it off my bed , the weekend after I wrote that post , and about a hundred pages fell out and scattered across the floor . The book just wasn 't worth trying to piece back together . Sure , it was getting more interesting , though . Ah , well . Now I 'm about halfway through The Return of Little Big Man . If I lay off the comics , I 'll probably finish it before I get back to work on Tuesday ( HOORAY FOR VETERANS DAY ! ) . It 's an okay book . I think , at least so far , the reason it 's not as good as the first is because Jack Crabb is just aimless . In the first book , he started out growing up and just had to survive , first with the Cheyenne and then with the Pendrakes . Next he wanted to be a good white person so he got himself a wife and child and business . Then after they were taken from him and after his search and a little battle , he decided to be a good Cheyenne and got himself a wife who he got pregnant , until she , along with a lot of other Cheyenne , was killed at Washita River . He went into a decline after that , but eventually got it into his mind to take revenge on George Custer . The Jack of Little Big Man wasn 't just watching history happen , he was participating in it while trying to survive it . So far , the Jack of The Return of Little Big Man has pretty much been a witness to history drifting from the Cheyenne he was with at the end of the first book to Deadwood ( at the time Wild Bill Hickok was killed ) , to Dodge City ( where he tended bar and watched Bat Masterson go about doing things ) , to Tombstone ( where tended bar and watched Wyatt Erp and his family , and Doc Holiday , stir up trouble ) . Now he 's traveling with Buffalo Bill Cody in that show , keeping Buffalo Bill in plenty of alcohol . The Jack in this book is just so darn passive . Sure , he sees interesting things , but because they 're so specific to well know individuals , he can 't take part . There 's no more battle in which he can play a part in . By NaNoWriMo Part 2Marc didn 't feel as confident as his smile made him look . His palms were sweating , his heart fluttered , and his stomach was trying to reenact Stomp . He hadn 't felt this way making a speech since he was in high school . After that , he had full speech written by him or with someone else or by someone else ; sometimes he just had a few notes with him so he would sound more off the cuff and personable ; on those rare town hall style occasions where notes would make him look weak , he 'd at least have discussed most of the possible topics with his staff before hand . Today , he had nothing . No one knew he was going to do this . His secret service guy for the day , Agent Grant , only knew that the president wanted to go to the press room . He wiped his hands off on his pants , planted them on the sides of the podium and started to talk to the reporters . " So , good afternoon everyone , and merry Christmas . " " Merry Christmas , Mr . Presidents , " a few of the reporters repeated back . All of them looked surprised . Not one of them had expected Marc to come out here the afternoon before his vacation started . Or maybe they were just surprised to see him in the press room at all . While he preferred to greet crowds of regular people in town hall settings so far , since his election two years ago , he 'd only ever given speeches to the press and when he was finished he 'd be ushered off by aides or secret service or both before anyone could get a question out . Marc smiled again . No one in this room knew what they were getting today . This would be fun . His stomach flipped again . " I know you weren 't expecting me here today , " he said , hand on either side of the podium . " Hell , I can 't remember even being in this room since my family and I took our tour of the White House before I moved in . " Most smiled . A few laughed . " So , I bet you 're all wondering why I 'm here , right ? What would you think if I told you that I 'm here to give you and the rest of the American people the greatest Christmas present , ever ? What if I told you that I 'm here to tell tBy An injured worker came in earlier . He wasn 't here to cause problems , he just wanted some forms to fill out and a little advice . I did my usual song and dance routine to try to get him to speak with the Information and Assistance Officer before he did anything so he 'd have someone knowledgeable to give him some advice also because I don 't like doing the work of the I & A guy , I 'm not trained for it and it 's not my job . He said to me , " I don 't know who you have here , but if it 's that short , weaselly guy . . . " I nodded and said , " Balding ? " " Yeah , " said the man who came in , " I don 't want to be . . . Well , when I came in before he was kind of rude to me . " I nodded again and muttered , " Yeah , he 's like that . " So I got his SSN and found out some of his information online . I gave him this info and asked if he 'd spoken to his attorney about what he wants to do . He launched into his story about how long it 's taking ( I explained that it usually takes a long time , often years and year . ) and how the attorney he had isn 't working on his case any more and now he 's stuck with some young guy ( I explained that his old attorney is semi - retired and moved to another law firm . ) and then he launched into a story about going to see a doctor . That was when I just stood there listening and trying to make understanding noises at the appropriate pauses . Eventually , he finished up and I pointed out where he could find the forms he needed . I still recommended he speak with I & A before he does anything and I reminded that if he was going to dismiss his attorneys that he go there and get all the information they have on his case because he 'll need it . He thanked me and said that it was nice coming in here and being treated so well . I made a joke . I said , " Well we just want to show everyone who comes in here that not all state agencies are like the DMV . " He smiled and said , " Yeah , but even that other guy . . . he was . . . well , he was a jerk and you just made this so easy . " Then he decided to launch into a story about visiting with I & A before and slid back into his curBy She complains , almost daily , about having too much work . And , yet , she 's been at her desk for mos of the past ninety minutes trimming her fingernails . Other days she 's on her cell phone chatting and laughing with , what I assume is , a friend . Sometimes she sits there paying bills and then balancing her checkbook for hours . When she gets her paycheck she does another balancing act on her checkbook as well as adding to pages and pages of notes about her pay that she 's kept for the last ten years . Still , she complains about having too much work . And I don 't understand . I do understand the she 's a person who just likes to complain about things ; she always seems happier when she has had something new to bitch about . What I don 't understand is why she lies to herself . She doesn 't have too much work . I get more work than she does and I sure as hell am not getting too much work . I get very little work and then am supposed to ask for busy work when I 'm finished at my desk . She gets one real spurt of work when the mail comes in and she stamps it and then give it to the lead clerk to distribute . That 's about it , for her , other than going up to the counter , but she really only does that in the morning and in the afternoon seems to expect the rest of us to do it for her , even though she 's been the lead counter clerk for five years . So , why does she lie to herself about her work load ? What does it accomplish ? As I was headed to the toilette this morning , here at work , I was called back because I got a phone call . Apparently it was confidential so they couldn 't just leave me a message . When I got to the phone I learned that the class / orientation thing that I was supposed to go to tonight has been canceled , can I do it next Monday . No , I can 't do it next Monday , I said . Oh , said the voice , do you have any questions or can I help you with anything else ? When 's the next one ? I asked . Monday , said the voice . No , I said , I mean after that . Oh , said the voice , I don 't know . Then I suppose you can 't help me , I said . ' Bye . We hung up . I 'm still leaving at four today , though . I had to use vacation time because it wasn 't an appointment , it was a class . I 'm going to the movies , then . I 'm gonna see My Kid Could Paint That . It 's only here for a week and I didn 't know that it was local until yesterday . I hope is good . The Fiction Friday posts are going to a different for a little while . Instead of me rushing to write about a thousand words of a story I 'm going to post what I 've written for NaNoWriMo . I 'm not going to post the whole thing over and over again , I 'm just going to post the new stuff I wrote between Fridays . So , some may start in illogical places and all will probably end without logic . Just deal with it . This week 's is short because it 's just what I wrote all day yesterday and today here at work . This is the way Fiction Friday is going to go until1 . The first Friday after the 30th , which is the first , I think . 2 . I finish the 50 , 000 word and / or the novel . Or 3 . I decide to give up on NaNoWriMo . Day ZeroMarcus Gandbuth walked into the press room by himself and stood off to the side of the platform . He didn 't want to announce his presence just yet . He wanted to get a sense of the room before he let them know he was there . More or less , it was a normal Friday before a holiday crowd . About half the seats were filled with their usually reporters only halfway listening to what Dan had to say . And he had nothing to say . There were no big bombs to drop on them this week . No hostages . No attack . No overtime basketball games just ending . Beside , most of the reporters in the press room went over the video tapes that were made available afterward . The only reasons any reporters showed up anymore was in the hopes that they could catch Dan , and therefore the entire administration , off guard with a pointed question , but since the Vice President hadn 't been caught sucking geezer midget cock this week , Marc didn 't think anyone was going to even try . Besides , they all wanted to get on their Christmas break as soon as possible , too . Marc cleared his throat a little too loudly and stood there watching the reporters . The young guy in front did a double take and was the first to start staring . Slowly , the other people in the room turned to look at him , too . Then one camera , CNN , he thought , turned and then another and then another , like dominoBy 1 . Name one person who made you laugh last night ? Well , since I wasn 't with real people last night , I 'm gonna go with Allison Hannigan . The way she says , " A doodle . I do doodle . You , too - - you do doodle , too . " is comic mastery . 2 . What were you doing at 0800 ? Sitting at my desk , waiting for my computer too boot up . 3 . What were you doing 30 minutes ago ? Pretending to work , but really reading Jazz 's answers to these questions . 4 . What happened to you in 2006 ? I guess nothing really good or really bad because there aren 't many specific memories . It 's the first year that both of my brothers didn 't show up for Easter or Thanksgiving . The comic wasn 't finished and was hardly started . I lived in my apartment for a year . Not much else sticks out in my mind . 5 . What was the last thing you said out loud ? " There 's nothing we can do about that , but you can use this one . I think it 's still November first . " 6 . How many beverages did you have today ? Two . Milk and water before I left for work and water since then . 7 . What color is your hairbrush ? I don 't use a hair brush . I use a comb . I think it 's blue because I like blue , but I 'm not totally sure . 8 . What was the last thing you paid for ? Comics yesterday on the way to my apartment . 9 . Where were you last night ? In front of the TV and then in bed reading . 10 . What color is your front door ? I think it dark brown , but it may not be . 11 . Where do you keep your change ? I resist change . As for the money , I keep it in my pocket until I 'm at my apartment . At my apartment , I put it in a bowl that I made . After it sits in the bowl for a week or so I split the change and put the dimes into a cool bottle and the rest in what was supposed to be a candy jar that I got for Christmas years and years ago . 12 . What 's the weather like today ? High fog this morning . Patchy clouds the rest of the day . Pretty warm , even when the wind blows . 13 . What 's the best ice - cream flavor ? Homemade . Otherwise , it depends . I like the pumpkin flavor for a while , but tend to eat too much of it too fast and don 't want any . Same with pepBy |
The Man in the Truck ( Short Story ) July 3 , 2011 I was pouring the hot water for the macaroni in the dish sitting in front of Vicky , the little girl , along with her brother , that I was babysitting , when I saw a light flash on across the street in that guy 's frontyard . The hot water steamed full until it was almost pouring over when Vicky yelled at me that I wasn 't watching . I pulled back up the tea percolator and found her blue cocktail napkins to wipe off the table next to her dish and said I 'd only poured a few drops . I took the empty pot back over to the sink and stared out over the hedges in these people 's yard to see if his second story window light was going to come on . Gary , Vicky 's little brother , yelled to me that I 'd forgotten to pour his milk and I sighed and opened the fridge and pulled out the milk carton by the handle and went by the dinner table pouring it into his cap less red thermos until he said ' when ' . I capped the milk back on and stared some more . The kids asked what I was looking at and I said there was a falling star I saw over a rooftop ; there might be more . Gary almost choked on his macaroni trying to get up from his booster seat to see . I came over to them and helped him sit back down again . " They only come once every fifteen years , " I said . " You see one when something really important is about to happen . " I poured myself some Captain Crunch from the cereal box on the table and grabbed some of Gary 's milk in his thermos to pour me some milk . " Hey that 's mine ! " Gary shouted . " I gave you too much on purpose , Gary . Drink that and I 'll pour you some more . " Gary 's lower lip started to tremble and his eyes were starting to tear up . I felt bad so I started off to the fridge when Vicky said to Gary that he had plenty and that he shouldn 't be sad because he had more than he usually got in his thermos . I was here on duty call . Some friends of my parent 's church had asked me if I babysat and my mom spoke for me . The father was an assistant minister with mWhen the kids were in bed I snuck out to the front stoops and sat out next to a lamplight that turned on when I shut the family 's front door . I 'd seen a white sweater of Cindy 's over one of their wooden dining chairs and I pulled it over my shoulders so that I wouldn 't get cold . They said they wouldn 't be back till 9 . It was only 7 : 30 . I pulled out cigarettes from my front left pocket and some matches . I lit one , then thought about the sweater and took it to hang it up over their door 's knob . It fell two seconds later on their burlap welcome mat . Where was the action ? I 'd been staring at the house in front of me for twenty minutes it felt like . At least fifteen from Vicky 's room where I was lying down with her , peering out her window with the blinds up , and now here . I saw a car drive by and tried to keen in on who was in it . Sometimes if I watched long enough people would come by to visit him , park in his driveway . He had brothers I think . One of them was just as cute as he was , but he looked older . I could tell that the both of them , the brothers probably had girlfriends , I could just feel it . But I didn 't know how serious they were with them or what their standards were , about hooking up and stuff . I blew the last of my cigarette out then buried it under the mulch and covered it with dirt in the Franklin 's salvia patch . I picked up the sweater from the welcome mat and brought it back inside to put it back where I 'd found it . On my walk back home I tugged my winter coat tight over me because I 'd forgotten to zip it when I 'd left . I was walking slowly home , listening for him playing music or talking as I neared his house . His light was on upstairs . I could see that . Was that a sign ? Was he coming down ? I looked across the street from my parent 's house and saw that our living room lights were on . They 'd be getting back from church just now and would be full of energy and awake after being out . I didn 't feel like going back and giving a full report of the Franklin kids just yet . I decided to go next to the house again and prop myself against the garage wall and wait for a noise or for a queue . Besides , I wanted to hear the wind chimes again from their backyard , where I could see two stepping stones leading back to a yard that I wanted to imagine about instead of go into . The air conditioning vent came on and it made me sort of comfortable . I felt like nobody saw me . A light came on in the house in front of me and I started at the sight of it , but then wanted to keep myself hidden , and was relieved when it turned out to be the dad of the house calling his cat to come run inside . I sat back and started to get cold against the concrete behind me . Finally , something happened . I heard a door shut then a garage door open behind me and I thought about it being either the guy 's mom or his dad . But I heard someone walk out and I heard keys shaking and I peeped around the side of the house to see the guy heading towards his car . " Wait , " I said . I think he didn 't know what to think . He looked at me like I 'd spooked him but he didn 't look all that fazed . He wasn 't saying anything . I was hoping you could give me a lift . My brother 's borrowed the car and I have a friend in Bellevue who I was supposed to study with . You going anywhere ? " He didn 't say anything to me once we were in and driving . I could say that there was background music to what else there was between us , because I felt there was something between us . I was starting to really like him already . I peered into his backseat and saw that he had a blue duffle bag full of tools , and a wrench sticking out on his leather seat . I could tell that he didn 't think he should be here with me , in his car . But I peered over at him and asked him if he liked this place or that place , the places we were passing by . He pretty much gave one word answers for everything . " Where is it that you have to go , " he asked . I hadn 't really intended to go to Bellevue because I didn 't know anyone there , I didn 't have any friends really , but if you counted the geeks I sat next to at the cafeteria lunch table I did . He put his windshield wipers on because it started to rain and he made a sharp turn towards the left and shifted up to 2nd gear as we passed that old bar we used to go to . " Okay , how far down Bellevue , " He asked . I had to come up with something quick . I looked at my blue all stars down on his floor rugs and noticed how muddied up and worn they were . " Where are you going ? , " I said . " I could just walk from there . " " Oh , " I said . I was starting to get worried . We 'd driven a little bit of a ways and the ends of my jeans were wet from sitting on the grass outside his house and he had the air conditioning vent on full blast to clear the windshield and to stop if from fogging up . I knew that if I got out now that I 'd have to walk nearly two miles back to my house . So I asked him to pull up to the third house on the left and I was arranging to get out but then I yelped as I got out . " I don 't think they are home , " I said . " Those lights aren 't on and their car isn 't here . I don 't know where she could be . " I knew I was pushing him because now he either had to take me back and be late for where he was going , dump me off here , or let me go with him to where he was going . " Do you have someone you could call ? " He asked . I wasn 't about to call Dobson . He was the only thought that came to mind . " Yeah , sure . " I said and I shut the door grabbing my knapsack off of his leather red seat . The motor was still running and he 'd had his foot on the break this whole time . He pushed the parking break down and gunned the engine so that he wouldn 't stall . " Bye , " I said , competing with the motor . He sat there idle for a second . " Where are you going to call someone ? " " Oh , we passed a 7 - 11 on the way . I 'll just go call there . " He thought for a second . " Okay , well I 'll drop you off there . Hop in . " I couldn 't believe my luck . Normally when I pushed it and jumped on things this quick they petered out before either could be more than three chains of events . But now there were about to be more layers to my expectations and a future . Wee pulled into a nice house next to other nice homes across from some woods on the other side of the road . There was a car in the driveway and a red sedan in the garage with the lights on . He got out and walked up the front steps to an outside porch where he rapped hard on a front door . I followed behind him , sliding into my knapsack backpack and feeling the bottom of it wet , against my back . I had a sweater that hadn 't been washed in it since last week , but I decided that once I got in and was able to pretend to make a phone call , that I 'd put it over me . I heard some guy 's voices laughing and talking on the other side of the door and after someone opened it and looked at me with question , I walked in to see a cedar dining room table and dinette set over to the left of the house . There was a nice living room in front of us . It was warm . It was carpeted in white and had a big screen tv across from a fabric couch to the left . There were a lot of lights on and boys ' voices in the kitchen so I could tell that there probably weren 't any family members or parents in town . I heard some people call my ride 's name , Jay , and he walked towards the kitchen , where I followed him . There was an island in the middle with different plastic liquor jugs of whiskey and maker 's Mark and vodka next to red plastic cups . The sink was filled with dishes and pizza boxes and there were plastic plates across the yellowish kitchen counter with half eaten meals on each . I could see a screen porch through their window and I could hear the wind pick up from a slightly open screen door . I wanted to go outside and sit in a plastic porch chair , smoke a cigarette and listen to their chatter from behind the wall . But I didn 't know them well enough . I was expecting Jay to point me towards a phone quickly because I felt from him that he was trying to get rid of me , like he didn 't want to be bothered with why he brought me . But one of his friends , a guy that looked similar to the geeks I 'd hung out with at lunch but older , took piThey were hitting the ball back and forth before some of his friends stood against a pool house pillar , breathing in and out smoke and looking restless until one of them mentioned something about going back inside and getting a drink . I put out my cigarette in an ash tray that had been cleaned sometime but that which was dusty on the glass prism of the porch table outside . The porch chairs were wet with mildew and I could feel an imprint had formed on the inside of my leg from one of the large white buttons that pinned the fabric down . I was the only girl here and I couldn 't look to another one for direction about which way to go or if I should follow them back into the kitchen or if should stay here , minding my own business , and smoking some more . The guys had already offered me a drink . I could stay here out here , drinking from my red cup and looking out at the garden without anyone behind my back , nagging or pushing me . Through the screen I could see a wooden fence and some leaves and ivy stuck to the spear of the middle one in front of me and the wind blew . I was starting to get high from my drink and I was about to take out another cigarette , which I felt like doing when I got a buzz , until one of his friends came out through the sliding door and peeped his head out to tell me that I was missing out on the action ; that they were playing beer pong inside ; they needed an even number . So I walked in and left my stuff behind and saw the red cups laid out around the perimeter of the island . One of his friends handed me a plastic cup and I put mine half way on and half way off the island . I didn 't know what we were drinking but it was the stuff I 'd seen when I first walked in : the plastic punch bowl filled with mixed up liquor and daiquiri stuff with a plastic tube from which the boys were pouring into separate glasses . I could hear a girl and a guy , maybe a couple , laughing from the living room , about Godzilla , and I couldn 't tell which one they were watching , the old or the new . But with all the guys gatAfter I made the call and she 'd said she would pass the message along I came back out to see them rough housing with the cups and wrapping things up . I was sitting in my room with the window open and the screen popped out . What would I do in the winter I thought , when my parents and I fought . It 'd be too cold to open my screen up and smoke . My parents had grounded me and my father had told me what a disgrace I was to this family , how I was embarrassing them in front of their friends and church . Hadn 't they given me food on the table and clothes to wear and a warm place to live ? What kind of daughter was I . My mother had wrapped her dry hair in a towel and had walked into their bedroom , to get into the shower I guessed and my dad sat in his armchair , turning on a baseball game and lighting up his cigar . He waved me off and said he didn 't want to see me . I was an excuse for him to smoke cigars . I laughed . I walked into my room and locked my door even though I didn 't have to ; I just wanted them away maybe just as much as they wanted me away . While I was ashing on the holly bush that wouldn 't ripen till the middle of November I watched his house again . It was the next night . I had gotten detention at school for falling asleep in Mr . Asteridge 's room , had been sent down to the principals ' ' office because he took the grey lines under my eyes for smoking up . But the principal had just called my parents and left a message , which led to now . There wasn 't much traffic outside , either which way , up and down this street and from his place . J 's garage was usually closed with his truck parked in front and their living room light was usually on too , with his dad watching TV , which comforted me . Sometimes I 'd see flickers of people crossing across the room that I could see from my window and I couldn 't be sure who it was because I couldn 't see all that well from far away . I had needed glasses for awhile now , maybe two years , but I wouldn 't admit it to my parents . I hadn 't given anything in return , except earning my keep in washing dishes , so I knew they wouldn 't be all for it if I 'd ask them for an appointment with an optometrist . I 'd used I was stopping by the gym where the cheerleading tryouts were being held , waiting for Cathy after school . I sat on one of the lower leveled bleachers with my books on my knees , weighing me down . I could barely carry them back and forth at school ; they were a burden , just looking at them was . She was good up there . Her hair was crimped in a high pony tail and she was sure of herself when she jumped and turned backwards and flipped because she was caught by her friends with the same amount of certainty . I felt weird watching . I looked up in the bleachers for anyone else who was staying here , maybe needing a ride like me and I wanted to wander off and see where the vending machines were . I put my books next to some mom behind me and asked her if she could watch them and then I walked out and meandered slow down the hall smelling sweaty gym equipment and plastic and dust and saw some boys running too fast in the halls . When I got down to the hallway I turned left and saw a room down at the end with a big window facing out towards the football field . I didn 't know a lot about football , but I 'd liked going to Dobson 's games . I wanted to go now . I slipped my wrist into my pocket to search for my cigarettes , which is what I usually did when I was nervous , but Cathy was right outside and behind me . I couldn 't smoke here . I walked to the room and inside and I looked at the field again , crawling on top of one of the desks because I was skinny enough too , and wished Jay would come and find me in the dark , waiting for him so we could make out or sneak under the bleachers while everyone else went crazy over scores above us . But my grades were slipping already . I had done homework here and there since I started , but I 'd gone out some and stayed some and watched J from my window and had shown up at classes empty handed . I turned around to see the blackboard and the stupid stuff written on it in yellow chalk . I wanted to drop out . There were a lot of kids that cared and read at night and did their work , that were an AP That night at dinner we ate in silence sort of because a game was on and Dobson and dad wanted to watch from their seats . We changed the arrangement of where we usually sat and I sat across from the dinette set while Dobson sat where I usually did . I bit at my buttered corn even though it was bigger than my mouth and watched my father butter his with his bread . My mother was having difficulty cutting her steak because it was too rare , since they all liked it that way . I got in trouble on steak nights and got hungry too because I couldn 't eat mine so uncooked , maybe more well - done , but not this way and it was too much trouble to ask for more . Cathy and Dobson cut up there 's just fine and then when Cathy was done she excused herself to the shower because she had come straight home to the table from practice . DOB wiped his mouth with one of the fancy cocktail napkins on the table and didn 't hold back when his team scored , cheering and beating the table . So did dad . My mom asked me if I was through since I hadn 't touched my steak in ten minutes and I asked Dobson or dad if they wanted my portion and said I wasn 't hungry . I knew dad wanted it but he made a face at my mother that said I was ungrateful , just to please her , and ten after a while he took it . My mother asked me to clear the table then , she hadn 't forgiven me for being so late the other night , and I got up to start taking the casserole bowl and empty plates into the kitchen . She was knitting something from her end of the table and I moved to grab her plate , seeing bits and pieces on it that she didn 't eat , just to seem humble I thought . I took the silverware and the napkins off Dobson 's side and then Cathy 's and set them separately on the other side of the sink from the dishes . I tried to hurry , turning on the warm water and rinsing things so that they 'd go into the disposal before I 'd have to face my mom looking over my shoulder and I was almost through by the time she 'd come in . She sometimes got nurturing when she was cleaning , li " Well that 's not true , " I said . I picked up the sponge and wiped hurriedly at one of the pans . " I … I ( I was caught off guard ) … I was holding it for one of the football players . I don 't remember who . But he scarped his leg . He was in pain . I said I 'd hold his cigarette for him while I went to the restroom . " She was in a good mood , more than normal and I remembered it was because there was table wine in the dinning room . That was why she was knitting at the table and finding use for her fingers . She got figidy when she 'd had too much drink . I was grateful and flicked my wet hands into the sink , walking quickly into my room where I wanted to climb out the screen and hear the wurr of a lawnmower in this heat enough to blur out the sound of me smoking and being immoral . On Saturday my mother made me work the bazaar at church . They were giving away things to needy families across seas and I was put behind the sewing garments at a long foldout wooden table . Every time she walked by me she cursed me for wearing my dirty all - stars with my new pants , but I couldn 't find my dress shoes and they 'd all hurried into the car so fast . I stood behind where she 'd asked me looking at the sewing patterns that ladies at the church had sewn into purses and scarves . One girl who was my age but who looked more involved in church came up to me and asked me if she thought a blue and green scarf would look get on her . I tried it on first and said that I liked this one . Then I tried it on her . " Turn around , " I told her . " Spin one time so I can see how it looks . " She spun and I told her she had to get it . She 'd regret it if she passed up a bargain like this one . I collected her four dollars and put it in a change bin that everyone at the tables got for the charity money . Then she asked me what my name was . " Your family just moved here , right ? " " They sound familiar . Are you familiar with stuff to do around here ? You should come to a movie with my girlfriends and I this Friday , after school . " I had been counting the change and how much I 'd collected so far when I looked up at her . I thought right then that my mom had put her up to this . That she 'd talked with some of the mom 's about my ways Maybe someone put her up to this . " Horror ? No ! " She laughed . " Just something fun , something my parents will let us go to . I 'll check the paper this Thursday and give you a call . Thanks for the help with the scarf . " I looked at her unsure , unsure of what to think and said no problem . We stayed for a few hours at the church until my mom came by asking how much money I 'd made . This was the part that I usually did good at , selling stuff . When I 'd helped wait tables last summer my parents were impressed with how much money I 'd made . This time I 'd made more than any other table . I started folding things up and packing them back into the boxes so that the ladies could come collect which pieces they 'd sewn . I was getting ready to walk across the hall to one of the older men who 'd helped me set up the table to see if he could help me disassemble it when I recognized a face . It was J 's mom , the woman who lived across the street with her family from us . She had white curly hair and she was scanning one of the last tables to be taken down , over slowly . She had a beige handbag over her shoulder and she had a nice smile . She looked friendly . Just then my mom asked loudly from across the way for me to continue cleaning up my table . I came back and she helped me take it down . On the way home after we 'd had a potluck dinner at the church , I sat with a Crockpot on my lap and the cord hanging down off the seat in front of me as my mom drove us home . We listened to the pastor 's tape of Christian music that my parent 's purchased so that the proceeds would go to the Red Cross . We never said anything to each other on these rides home so I would stare out the window at the new houses , new neighborhoods that we passed , feeling awkward . I took a deep breath and tried to study J 's mom in my head . I tried to picture her at the dinner table , putting out dinner rolls on colorful pot holders and smiling and turning on lots of lights when they ate dinner . My mom asked if I 'd talked to anyone new today and I told her I 'd met a girl named Sheila that went to my school . My mom commented positively then turned the knob up on the volume for the tape . I turned towards my window and studied more yards and swing sets . That night I sat alone in my room in an old nightgown I 'd had since middle school , with Winnie the Poo faded into white on the front , while I smoked a cigarette out of my screen . I 'd cranked open the screen and was sitting on the ledge , able to swing my leg back and forth through the primmed hedges and mulch by the plants . Mom had made corn on the cob and pork chops for Cathy , Dobson , and Dad since they had all been busy with work and school activities during the day . But she let me have a cob of corn at the table . I licked for butter that might still be on my lips . I heard some noise coming from next door and I got scared it might be my parents but then I heard a dog barking and it wasn 't the sound mine made so I realized it was our neighbors taking out their trash or something . I 'd been studying a light that was on across the street from us and smoking . I was listening to my radio on low and wondering what J was doing upstairs in his room , while his mom was downstairs . I was wondering what their cabinets looked like and if they 'd ever had a yellow tablecloth . I imagined a sliding glass door that let out from a kitchen nook showing some plants and a rock garden . I ashed in a soda bottle on top of some books . I was tired , but I wanted to stay up . I didn 't want to miss anything . I heard the sound of the garage opening and saw an older man , probably his dad come out and back his car out and leave . I crept out of my window . I was in my bare feet running across the mildew on the grass , keeping low to the ground . I still had my cigarette in my hand and when I got to the end of our driveway me ashed on the curb . I crossed the street and onto their driveway where I stepped on a nail or something , it really hurt . I got to the concrete part of their garage expecting any minute for his mom to come out or maybe him , but I didn 't care . I wouldn 't mind if they 'd come out . I wanted to meet her . I looked at the walls and the tools and drills and green plastic bins holding god knows what . They had tons of stuffI was weary again in class , sitting against the wall in the back of it with my backpack on top of my desk signaling me being ready to go home , instead of my textbook . I was in the German teacher 's room again studying language . Funny that we were studying French . I wanted to French J . I sat back against my seat and tried to hone in on what our teach was saying at the front of the room . We should have been watching a French movie or something or some informational piece about how to speak it . He had a voice that droned on and on . Didn 't he know that ? In the back of me were pictures of France , bridges and waterways and St . Michal 's Island . I wanted to stare at those . It was no fair that he 'd put those in back of us for only the principal and IST 's to walk in and see . How fake . Out the window I could hear the birds chirping because it was sunny out . A good day for Dobson to play football . My teacher called on someone in front of me and I sat up . I hugged my backpack to my chest hoping he wouldn 't call my name . I had no idea what page we were on . That night I found myself at the local bar scene around the corner and two doors down from a tight A - framed house with black and white shutters and a sunken in roof that I couldn 't stop staring at on my walk to here . There were some girls from school but mostly the druggy types that I recognized that were misfits in a different type of way because the one in front of me with the red hair and tarnished silver hoop earrings who sat in front of me in my geology class was mixing with two of her friends , one blond , and mixing two rows standing behind the DJs on the stage and talking about bullshit teachers . I was smoking a Camel I 'd borrowed , well I 'd get him back for it , from the bartender with the beard who could make any kind of fizz , cooler , cocktail , flip , or highball that you asked him and while I chewed the ice from mine I watched for the door to see if J or if one of the friends I 'd seen at that party would come through . The wooden stool I 'd been leaning back on only had three legs and so I bumped up back into the person who was behind me who happened to be eating some half - way romantic dinner next to the lady to him who was his wife and before I got my elbow out of the mushrooms and gravy on his plate I commented on the cherry in his drink and asked what he was drinking before I realized that I 'd had three of my own . His wife rolling her eyes at me talking ' this ' close eye to eye with her husband and the bartender was across to the other side lifting out a generic bourbon off the top shelf and talking about music or something that I couldn 't hear about from where I was sitting . J still wasn 't walking through the door and neither were his friends and my navy blue all - stars still weren 't scuffed up enough to go see any real cool concerts and so I just sat there and stared at them and sipped from the bottle of beer I 'd gotten from a much older man sitting alone now in the corner of a booth , all by himself , with white graying hair and a faded black t - shirt and a guy across from him who looAdvertisements |
Wolf said , " Yeah , she was looking good . She wasn 't swinging a bottle around . In fact , I didn 't see her drinking at all . She seemed happy , so everything must be going well with Big Jake . We 'll keep our fingers crossed . " Wolf said , " Dennis , did I tell you why Shaggy has a sock on her foot ? " I nodded in the negative . " I didn 't tell you , when I saw you Friday ? Anyway , she 'd been limping . At first I thought that her whole leg was affected by the care accident a few years ago ; but I took a close look and noticed that she 's worn two of the pads down by dragging her paw . Now if it was me , I know how bad a scrape can hurt . I can deal with getting knocked out , but the pain of a hangnail just kills . me . She doesn 't like wearing her winter boots . By the time we get to the bridge she 'll have one kicked off . Towards the end of the winter she 'll have lost all of them . Now the sock , she doesn 't seem to mind . She hasn 't once tried to take it off . So , I think I did a good thing . It was white when I put it on this morning . Now it 's dirty and starting to wear through . It looks like she 'll need a new sock every day . " I got something to show you . I told you that one of my regulars dropped some books off for me . I got another one this morning . One of my Thursday ladies made a special trip , because she heard that it may be raining for the next few days . I thought that was really sweet . Anyway , have a look … " he handed me the book . " What do you think ? I haven 't even read the back cover . Does it look like my kind of book ? " I browsed through the pages of the book , read the back cover and said , " Yeah , Wolf , it has good reviews . It looks like the kind of shoot - em - ups you read ; crime , detectives , the lot . The print is large , you 'll like that . " " I don 't smoke or drink at noon ; that doesn 't mean I don 't at other times . Jacques knows that . " He nodded . Jacques said , " The only reason you cough is because the pot is dry . If it 's fresh it shouldn 't cause you any problems . The the hole in the pipe is quite large . " He lit up and passed the pipe to Wolf , who started coughing . Wolf said , " See , I 've just proved that I 'm a hypocrite . I said that I didn 't cough when I used Jacques ' pipe . You know , we could be smoking crack , nobody 'd know the difference . " Debbie said to Rhino , " Did you know I 've moved ? I 'm on Parliament now . I 've already been kicked out of one of the grocery stores and the mall . " Wolf said to me , " I wouldn 't brag about something like that . You should see me between seven and nine . I 'm a real gentleman , when I 'm talking to my regulars - ' Yes ma ' am , yes sir , thank you ma ' am , have a nice day . ' It 's only after I get into the booze that I get like this . Occasionally , at my beer store , they 'll say to me . Is there anybody else that can buy your beer for you . I can understand that ; they 're just doing their job . They 're not allowed to sell to anybody under the influence . I just walk out . I don 't cause any fuss . Little Frank , on the other hand . If they refuse to sell to him , he 'll swear , call them names . He 'll be barred for a month . " It was time for me to leave , so I said my goodbyes , shook hands all around . Wolf said , " You may not see me for the next few days , if it 's raining . I 'm more of a fair weather friend . " " Yeah , that 's why I pulled my hood up and wrapped my scarf around my face . I should have worn my winter coat . I was out earlier walking Goldie . My doctor wants me to walk a bit every day to help my muscles . To the end of the block and back is the most that I can do . " I get so mad sometimes waiting to get on the bus . People see the ramp coming down , they hear the beeping . Sometimes they try to jump on while the ramp is still coming down . In the process they 're trying to jump over me . I really give them shit . The bus driver just laughs , because he knows I 'm right . He just shakes his head . " I 'm so fucking mad today . I 'm still having trouble over my television bill of eighty - six dollars . The bank made a mistake . They admitted they sent the money to the wrong account . I asked them to phone Bell . They won 't do that . I talked to a lady at Bell last night and she said everything was straightened out . She also said they would be sending me a refund for an overcharge for programming that I didn 't receive . I was supposed to get a check for fifty dollars . They sent me a check for a hundred and fifteen . I was just trying to be honest , I phoned Bell , got some guy with an Indian accent , and told him the situation . He looked up my account and said that I still owed eighty - six dollars . I told him that had all been settled . I 'd paid the bill and had the receipt in front of me . He called me a liar . Then he said , ' That might be a bit strong , but the bill still shows as still being outstanding . If it 's not paid we 'll cut off your service . ' At that point I slammed the receiver down . I 'm going to have to go to their office , if I can find it , and get this straightened out . " " I heard a joke today . Some jokes leave words out . This is one of those . Okay , there was this circus with two rings . In one ring were some acrobats . In the other ring were some strippers . In the first ring they performed cunning stunts . In the second ring they exhibited stunning ____ . You have to fill in the missing word . " There 's another one that I made up when I was a kid . I got in trouble for it in school . We had this question on an exam paper , ' What is the difference between poetry and prose ? ' I wrote , ' Poetry rhymes , prose doesn 't ; for example : There are a bunch like that . One time I was sitting alone at a bar in Newfoundland . Two guys from across the room asked , ' Do you know any Newfy jokes ? ' I said , ' Yes . ' I thought that I was in for a pounding ; but they said , ' Come on over , we 'll buy you a drink . ' I know a lot of jokes . I kept telling them , they kept the beer coming . When I left , I could barely walk . They called a cab and made sure I got home safe . " Yeah , I had a lighter jacket on yesterday and I nearly froze . It wouldn 't be so bad if it weren 't for the wind . As it is only my hands and feet are cold . I 've got some nice leather mitts at home somewhere , but I can 't find them . " There was this cranky old guy , complaining that he didn 't have enough money for a coffee . I was going to buy him one , then this guy comes by with a case of empty beer cans . He said , ' Take these , they 're worth ten cents a can , you can turn them in for enough money to buy a coffee . ' ' Oh no , ' the guy says , ' I can 't have people see me trading in empties . They 'd think I 'm poor . I don 't want that . ' I really laid into him for that . I put myself on the line out here . A cop could give me a hundred - dollar ticket for panhandling . If I didn 't appear for court , I could do jail time . Mind you , if I did appear . The judge would probably throw the case out . I 've never actually seen the charges stick . I 'd probably say something like , ' Your honor , I can 't afford to pay the ticket now , but if you 'll give me a few days , I can probably collect enough money panning , to pay for it . ' " I bought a lottery ticket yesterday . It sure would be nice to win some money . I know it 's selfish , but what I 'd really like is to buy a small electric car . They cost about seven thousand , but if I could get a down payment of three thousand , a guy I know would let me pay the rest in monthly installments . That would give me a lot more freedom . Since the Wheelchair Taxi can 't get near my place in winter because of the snow drifts , I 'm stuck inside . If I 'm desperate I can get through the snow with my walker . I have enough strength to get to the corner store and back , but that 's about it . " Drunk or sober that guy is an imbecile . I 've chased him away a few times myself . If a person has a mental disorder I can empathize with that . I 'm a bit crazy myself . I remember when I was a kid in Perth there was a kid that was slow . A local bully dropped a candy , rolled it in the mud , then gave it to this kid to eat . I slapped it out of his hand . I got beaten up for it , but I didn 't care . I don 't like to see people treated like that . When I got home I got a beating from my dad for fighting . " At school I told my teacher off one day . Of course my parents were phoned . I got a beating for that too . Seems I got a beating for just about everything . " Sitting here , day after day , I see a lot of things . Quite a few hookers stop to talk to me ; not a bout sex , just because they 're bored and I 'm bored . Speaking of hookers . I was reading about some of these film stars from the thirties . Clara Bow had quite a reputation . A newspaper named her as the mistress of several men and claimed that she of ten had sex in public , engaged in threesomes with prostitutes , slept with women when no man was available and turned to animals when no human companionship was at hand . stated that between scenes . She 'd go to her trailer and ask her manager to bring her some good - looking extra or stage hand . Another one was the same , I can 't remember her name - the one from Mommy Dearest " … Joan Fontaine . She had a ninety year feud with her sister Olivia de Havilland . When wrestling , as children , Olivia broke Joan 's collarbone . They were both interested in Howard Hughes at the same time . I 've read two versions of this story . In the first , the Muffin Man was a pimp who went by the name of Muff . He worked Drury Lane which was the Red Light District of London . Actors , drunks , and even Queen Elizabeth flocked to the street after a play for a quick hand or blow job ( or the like , for the females ) . That 's where the term ' muff diver ' came from . His main street cookie went by the name Ginger Bread . In the other version , the Muffin Man was actually a baker , otherwise known as the Drury Lane Dicer . He would tie a muffin to a string , and as one of the street urchins tried to grab it , he pulled the string , eventually luring the child to his house . He 'd knock the child out with a wooden spoon . He was convicted of killing fifteen children and seven rival pastry chefs . I said , " I was talking to Bearded Bruce , Friday night . He said he was getting a job in Scarborough . He didn 't say what he 'd be doing . I wonder if he 'll be a cook in a restaurant . That 's what he 's trained for . " " He 's supposed to be working with my son , Chuck , laying sod . I hope Chuck doesn 't screw up . It would be just like him . " " Dennis , man , it 's good to see you . Have you got a couple of minutes to sit down and catch up ? I haven 't seen you since when … ? " " That 's right , I was getting a Christmas meal ready for some of my friends . I had seven people over , in that tiny bachelor apartment with only two chairs and my bed that pulls out . A lot of them slept over , I had to step over people to get to the bathroom . It 's been a year and a half in that place . I told you about it didn 't I . It 's on Sherbourne . It used to be a hotel and the room I have is in what used to be the staff kitchen , so I 've got my stove and fridge and a full set of cupboards across the top and the bottom . Instead of an apartment with a kitchen , I 've got a kitchen with a place to sleep . " Joy has stayed over . No sex or anything . We shared the same bed . Just a hug then we went to sleep . I haven 't seen her much lately . It used to be that she 'd come over every couple of weeks , but now that asshole is back . There are somethings I just can 't understand , no matter how hard I try . Why does a woman invite a man back when he 's beaten her nearly to death . He went to prison for it . There was a restraining order against him ; still , she invites him back as if nothing happened . That 's deranged . He 's going to kill her . I told her that . She phoned me a while back and asked if she could come over . I said , " Sure , but don 't bring that jackass with you . She never came . I just don 't understand why a woman who is beaten doesn 't just leave . I never will . Also , I don 't understand a man that would beat a woman . What 's in that for him . Big Jake is six - foot four , close to three hundred pounds . What does he have to prove … to anyone ? I don 't see most of those people very often . I only drink , maybe two days a week . I 've been drinking today because it 's Friday . I was drinking vodka yesterday and I woke up with a massive headache . It would have been east to stay in bed , but I have to get money to pay my rent . " I get a welfare check now , seven hundred and thirty - two dollars a month . I 've never taken welfare before , but I had to in order to qualify for my apartment . It 's a program they started me on in prison . Before that I was content to sleep behind the dumpsters , but after I was crammed in with a bunch of guys for three months , with no privacy , no freedom and I got to talk to my worker in a spacious , quiet interview room … what she was saying sounded pretty good . They pay my landlord directly . It 's subsidized , so that leaves me with about two fifty . A person can 't live on two fifty a month , so I pan when the weather 's decent . There 's a restaurant that gives me their leftover food . When I cook I use a big pot . I have Tupperware containers ; one for Shakes , one for Little Jake , one for Chuck . I have to take care of my boys . " If I wasn 't on this program , the least expensive room , that 's ROOM , mind you , would cost five hundred and thirty a month . It would be in a rooming house crawling with cockroaches , infested with bed bugs , crackheads . Guys running up and down the stairs all night . I 'd rather sleep on the street . If the city wants to cure homelessness they need to provide affordable , clean housing . " He said , if he wins the lottery , he 'd like to buy a small electric car . They cost about eight thousand , but he 's got a friend who will spot him for five thousand . He 'll pay him back in monthly installments . " " I understand . Do you want to know what I 'd do if I won a lottery ? … I 'd set up my own shelter for homeless people . I wouldn 't kick them out if they were drunk . There 's a homeless industry . We do okay in this city . In fact this is probably the best place to be homeless . If you stay at a place like the Mission , probably the best of the big three , you see the administration drive up in their BMW 's . They make money off us . They don 't want to end homelessness , they 'd be out of a job . Do you know what the biggest corporation in the world is ? " " You 're right . Do you know what the second biggest is ? … The Salvation Army . I lost one of my regulars . She used to drop me twenty bucks a week . She 's with the Salvation Army and asked what I thought of them . You know me , I say what 's on my mind . When I first came to town , my pants were torn . I went to the Salvation Army and asked for a pair of pants . They said , we don 't give them away . You 'll have to go to our store and buy them . Okay , I can live with that . I panned for a while , got some money , arranged for a bed there for the night . I came back later . They said , ' You can 't come in here . You 've been drinking . ' I said , ' Look , I paid for a bed . My stuff is up there . Where am I supposed to sleep ? ' The guy said , ' Anywhere you want , but not here . ' So I was kicked out . I 'm barred from there now . I 'm barred from the Mission as well . That leaves the Shep . That 's where everybody goes when they 're kicked out of every other place . You should spend a Friday evening there . See what it 's all about . " " Well you know then . I don 't go there to eat . It 's not that the food isn 't good . They cook great food , but half of the guys there are talking to themselves . No matter what and civic or provincial administration does , there 's always going to be twenty percent of the population that will be , what they call , chronically homeless . It 's the crazies . Since they closed a lot of the mental institutions , these people are now on the street . Some of them are nice people , some of them rant and rave . Clark has stayed at my place , so has Craig . He 's the most honest guy I 've ever met . He 's a panhandler , but if I drop a coin he 'll say , ' Bruce , you dropped a dollar . ' Also he doesn 't change his clothes . He could wear the same pair of socks for three months , he 'd never notice the smell . Clark is the same . I tell him , ' You can stay at my place , but first you 'll have to shower . ' I 'll have clean towels for him , underwear , socks . He says that staying at my place is like staying in prison . " " Yeah , he likes to use big words . I tell him , ' Shut up Clark , speak English . ' He 's a nice guy , but crazy . " I think I mentioned that Chuck has been staying at my place for the last four and a half months . That was okay . When I didn 't have a place to stay he put me up . It 's only right that I do the same for him . On the day we moved his stuff to his new place we were sitting on the step having a beer . He said , ' So , I guess you want me to leave now . ' I said , ' Yes Chuck , fuck off . I 'll see you some other time . " I said , " I 've talked to Craig , some days he 's friendly , one day i tried to give him a tim Horton 's card . He said , I can 't get what I want with that . I want some cash . I said , ' Sorry , Craig , I don 't carry cash . ' He said , " You 're a motherfucking cheapskate . You just don 't want me buying beer . Well , fuck you ! ' " Yeah , that sounds like Craig alright . He 's crazy . If he 's off his meds that 's how he acts . I don 't know if he 's schizophrenic or what his problem is , but he 's crazy . " I got a job in Scarborough , I start next week . It 'll be three days a week in a restaurant . I 'll shave for that , but for now I 'll keep it on . I need it for what I do . I 've finished for the day . See , I don 't even have my cup out . It 's been a good day . Isn 't the weather beautiful ? This is just the way I like it . In a couple of months we 'll have the heat and humidity . That winter we had , wasn 't it horrendous ? " Chuck has been staying with me the last four and a half months , since he lost his place . I didn 't mind . When I didn 't have a place and was sleeping behind the dumpsters , he took me in . It 's only right that I do the same for him . Mind you I was happy when he got his own place . He 's a sweet guy , but he never shuts up . On the day we moved his stuff to his new place we were sitting on the step having a beer . He said , ' So , I guess you want me to leave now . ' I said , ' Yes Chuck , fuck off . I 'll see you some other time . ' " It 's funny , I was sitting on my front step with a beer in my hand when a squad car pulled up . The cop got out . He 's one of the guys I 've had dealings with before , when I lived behind the dumpster . He said , ' What are you doing ? ' I said , ' This is my house . ' He said , ' Okay . ' and drove off . Loretta was standing near the group . " Dennis , can I have a few bus tickets . Thanks . I 've got some good news ; it 's been fourteen months now , since I 've had a drink . Anyway , it was nice seeing you . I 've got to go . " " You must be high . It couldn 't be six months … Can it ? It was before Christmas . How many months is that ? I guess you 're right it is close to six months . You see how much I respect you . I stood up , it 's not that easy at my age . Before you sit , you can have Shaggy 's pillow . " He pulled it from under Little Jake . " You 'll be covered with her fur … everywhere but on your leather jacket . I don 't think her fur sticks to leather . " Now , Jake , you know I love you . There I said it . I got it out . Now it 's done with . Where was I ? Yeah , I was talking to Dennis . Finally , someone who will listen . I got seven books today , so I 'm all set . I also got a bag of razors from Jacques . See the mess I made trying to shave today . The handle broke right off my razor . " Shaggy got some dog food and biscuits from my ladies on the corner , near where I live . I 've hardly been out all winter . Shaggy and I , we just stayed inside where it was cozy . One thing I noticed was I actually had to buy dog food . I had to put out twenty bucks . " Oh , I know who you mean . We don 't get along so well . His dog Sandy and Shaggy don 't like each other . I was coming around the corner . I didn 't see Chuck there in his wheelchair . Shaggy jumped up . Carl said , ' Get your dog away from my service dog . ' I said , ' Well , Shaggy 's a service dog too . ' We haven 't seen eye to eye since then . I didn 't even know he was Chuck 's dad , until somebody told me . " I had a new phone , paid a hundred bucks for it . Do you know how long I had it ? Two weeks . A woman came over . I was watching the hockey game with a friend of mine from downstairs . I hadn 't seen this woman for about three months - Yeah , she was good - looking . We had a few beer . She asked to use my phone . A couple of hours passed … she left . I was drunk ; you know me . A while later my friend asked , ' Where 's your phone ? ' I 'd only had it two weeks . Now , what am I going to do ? " I know who she is . She 'll never come to my place again . She has no conscience , that 's what I 'm getting at . You don 't steal from a friend . You know me , I help people . Maybe you don 't know that , but if somebody needs something ; I give it to them . If they need a place to crash for the night ; they sleep on my sofa - sometimes with Shaggy . " So , anyway , what do you think about the streak the Habs have going for them ? A 4 - 3 victory against the Lightning on Tuesday night . I 've got my Montreal hat on . I should have my jersey , my scarf , all kinds of colors on , but they 're in the wash . I come down here and get dirty . That 's the way it goes . " " Okay , enough of that . We got that out of the way . Let 's talk about something else … Monday , I have to go to court at seven , in courtroom nine , or is it at nine in courtroom seven . I don 't know . I 'll have to check . It 's been remanded so many times . I fell asleep last time . I can be charged if I don 't show up , but not if I 'm there asleep . They called my name and I woke up . I knew they 'd wake me up . It 's for this charge about Shaggy . I have it taped to my kitchen wall . I read it last night , ATTEMPTING TO INJURE OR KILL AN ANIMAL . It made me cry , can you imagine that . Four cop cars pulled up in front of my beer store . MY BEER STORE , mind you . Somebody objected to the way I put Shaggy into her caboose - as if I 'd ever hurt her . Sure , she 's drawn blood from me enough times . She 's old , I 'm old . What are you going to do ? Enough of that ! " Yeah , she gave them me last year . Soon it 's going to be time to wear my Crocs . I 'm going to buy two pair , that 'll last me the whole season . With them I don 't wear socks all summer . " Wolf said , " Paul 's a bit slow . His chipmunks don 't run so fast . Paul , don 't just sit there . Say hello to Shaggy . That 's what she came over to you for . Pat her . What did you think she wanted ? Stupid fart . How often do you come down here ? " " Four days a week , did you hear that , Dennis ? He comes down four days a week . He 's an independent businessman , just like myself . How many days do you work ? " " No , I said , I 'll be okay . It 'll just take a while . I don 't want to step on Shaggy . Maybe I 'll see you all next week . I ventured outdoors at noon , not knowing what the weather would be like . We 're well into Spring , but the temperature , in the mornings , still hovers around the freezing point . A cold north wind added to the misery . I didn 't see anybody at the bench , but as I walked further down Queen Street I saw somebody waving to me . " Am I ever glad to see you , " said Little Chester , standing on the curb . " I can look you straight in the eye . If I was on the sidewalk I 'd be looking up at you . " " I tried my key in the lock to my apartment and it wouldn 't work . The landlord changed the locks . I thought to myself , I 'm drunk , should I knock on his door ? No , I 'd better leave that until I 'm sober . They had a room for me at the Shepherd so that 's where I stayed last night . I came out here early and it 's taken me all morning to make the price of a bottle . " He took another long swig . Little Jake rode up on his bicycle , lay it on the grass , sat on the curb and set his cap out . " Hi Dennis , I haven 't seen you since last week . I woke up this morning at seven - thirty at Shakes ' place . We really tied one on last night . Shakes was counting his empties . I said to him , ' It 's seven - thirty , we 'd better hurry to the store . ' He said , ' It 's seven thirty in the morning , we got lots of time . ' Here I thought it was seven thirty at night . That 's pretty fucked up , getting my mornings and evenings turned around . " Chester , give me a drink . That 's the least you can do since you 've taken my spot . Now you can fuck off across the street . I gotta work . " To me he said , " I need a drink . All I got is a dime for start - up . It was cold riding here on my bicycle . My eyes got all teared up . Look , my sunglasses are all streaked . " No , I think I 'm going to find a new place ; something closer to downtown . This is crazy riding here on my bike . If I ride the bus , it takes me an hour . " Look at that asshole , Chester . He 's making money over there . I saw someone drop him a bill … After one bottle , he 's wasted … I know he 's only had one bottle , I can tell . " It was quiet . I 'd planned to attend the big meal at the Mission . They have one every Easter , really good food . First , I went to the mall to have coffee with a few friends , as usual . Then I went across to McDonald 's to have coffee with a few other friends , as usual . I went to Metro to buy some chicken and veggies and a few other things I needed . I took that home , turned on the TV and they were showing people at the Mission having their Easter dinner . I missed it ! I 'd forgotten all about it ! " " I wouldn 't go to those places - too rough . The Shepherd has the rejects from the other places . The people who are kicked out of the Mission , go to the Salvation Army . When they get kicked out of there , they go to the Shepherd . Even at the mall I have to be really careful . Just the other day , at the front door , there was a swarm of drugged up kids attacking people with knives , stealing purses , whatever they could get . This was ten o ' clock in the morning . " It reminds me of a long time ago when I worked at the Rex . I did all kinds of things : slung beer ; when the elevator operator was off , I covered his shift ; when the cleaner was off , I did his job . Anyway , one night there was a scuffle in the front lobby . I stepped in ; it was my job , I worked there . The fight was broken up , people were sent on their way . One of the guys involved was the son of one of our cooks . She was so pleased with me . She said , ' You come back tomorrow at six . I 'll cook you the best meal you 've ever had . ' She was right too , she was our best cook . I cant 't tell you how good that was . You know , when the meat is so tender that you don 't chew it ; it just melts in your mouth . Everything else was done to perfection . " Her son , the one I saved went on to rape two women . I was ready to kill him . Another regular was a huge guy . As long as he was sober he was a good customer ; gentle as they come . This one night he 'd had too much to drink and was asked to leave . He complained about it , but he left . About an hour later he came back . This time he was raging . Three of us from the hotel grabbed him . The police were called and about six of them were also trying to take him down . Do you remember those big marble pedestal ashtrays , the ones they 'd have near the elevators ? They weighed about three hundred pounds . He picked one up and with it he pushed two cops against the wall . Eventually he was hauled off to jail . " When he got out , I heard that he 'd stabbed his landlord . Rushing out of the building , he ran towards a cab , slashed a woman getting out of the back door , held the knife to the throat of the driver and they took off . He was eventually caught . When he went to trial the judge sentenced him to life in prison , which is twenty - five years . Do you know what he did when he heard his sentence ? He laughed . The judge asked him , ' What about this do you think is funny ? ' The guy said , ' My doctor gave me ten years to live . How are you going to collect the other fifteen ? ' He stabbed a guy in jail ; ended his days in a rubber room . " I 'm going to have to leave here soon ; I 'm keeping an eye out for security . It reminds me of one time I was panning in front of the church , down the street . A cop came along and really started giving me shit . I said to him , ' I 'm not bothering anybody . I 'm just trying to get some money for food . ' He walked up the church steps , waited for a while , then a guy came along . I saw the cop give the guy two clear packets of white powder . The guy gave the cop a couple of bills . It probably would have been two twenties . Then another couple of guys came along . The cop gave them each a packet . So , in a matter of minutes , he 's made eighty bucks , and he was trying to run me off for trying to collect a bit of change . " I tell you , when you 're on the street you see a lot of things . Usually , I just turn my head . I don 't want anybody coming after me - not the cops , nobody . There was one lady around here … I haven 't seen her for ages . I 'd hear this hollering and screaming from a way off . I 'd think that somebody was fighting , but she was alone . She 'd talk to her hand , just like you would to a sock puppet , but there was no sock . She 'd argue , swear , carry on a real conversation . At times her hand would smack her in the head . At other times she would be sweet as could be . She had a beautiful singing voice , it was like hearing an angel . |
It 's Christmas Eve ! This entire year has flown by , it is so hard to believe that it will be 2006 in just a little over a week ! I have to think long and hard about what I would like the new year to bring . What challenges I face , what goals I have . Next year at this time I would like to look back on 2006 and be able to say that I changed something in my life that I was unhappy with , I have a few ideas on what to start with , but I don 't want to make any predictions . I will do my best to follow through on some things , and if I do , great . I am getting ready to prepare for Christmas morning at my house . The kids are almost in bed , and Jeff is already asleep . Yep , already asleep . The 5 hour nap he had from noon to 5pm did not give him the energy to outlast the kids tonight . I have many more Christmas pictures to post , but I must now go to get ready for Santa to come . I have cookies to put out , and a glass of milk , and even some reindeer food ( if I can find where I put it ! ) . I hope everyone is enjoying the holidays with their family and friends . Have a Merry Christmas ! ! : ) My baby turned 3 on December 11th , and had to have a Scooby Doo cake . It was convenient , though , because I already had the cake pan from when Allie wanted Scooby Doo for one of her birthdays . It is really hard to believe that he is 3 already . The years are flying by . Whenever anyone asked him what he wanted for his birthday , he would respond , " Cake ! " That was his only request . But he did love all the cool stuff that he got , every time he opened a present , he would say " cool " or " yeah " . He got some cool John Deere stuff - a barn , animals , and a tractor - some clothes , some trucks , a talking bear , and a big John Deere ride - on truck . He hasn 't quite mastered driving it , but he will get the hang of it . It has a dump - trunk feature that Jeff is sure will come in handy during the summer - he can go around the yard and pick up dog - doo and transport it to the trash bin to dump . The age range on it is 3 - 8 , so we figure it is a good investment for 5 years worth of dog duty ! : ) See below for more pictures . Happy Birthday , Baby ! Posted by Well , I have been a really bad blogger of late . With all of the holidays , Conor 's birthday , and work getting more stressful , I haven 't taken the time to write anything here . I have plenty of material , just not the time to write it ! A couple of amusing moments of late : One morning while I was getting ready for work in the bathroom , Conor walked in with his face covered with what I thought was black permanent marker . I freaked out and immediately tried to wash it off . It came off rather easily and I attributed that to my quick response . It was on his forehead , cheeks , chin , nose , lips . . . . everywhere basically . So after I had him all cleaned up , I finished getting ready and went to get my purse to leave . It was then that I found my mascara open in my purse . It wasn 't black marker , it was mascara . But he thought it was for your lips , so that is why he put it there , first . I wish I would have had the thought to take a picture of him before I wiped it off , but I was too intent on getting it off quickly ! : ) Another morning , we went into the coffee shop where Conor always sits on the counter . I put my purse up next to him and was talking to the staff when all of a sudden Conor pulled a Tampon out of my purse and said , " Mommy , what 's this ? " I simply grabbed it quickly and said , " Nothing , just something for Mommy , " while stuffing it back down inside my purse and trying to divert his attention to something else . I do not know if anyone actually saw it , but Jeff ( not my Jeff , the one who works there ) was smiling . But I find that I am not as embarrassed about stuff like that now that I am older . : ) I will be posting some pictures from Conor 's third birthday soon , I will find the time ! I also have some pictures with Santa and some other stuff , too ! Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season ! OK , the reason I ask this question is because everyone in my family seems to think that socks are the things that you leave in a basket - apparently they will fold themselves ( or I will do it ! ) . We had almost 2 full laundry baskets of socks . I don 't like doing them , either , but I also don 't like digging through a basket full to find 2 matching socks to wear ! So on Sunday , I sat down and mated all of them . I swear there were over 100 . With 5 people in our house , it is not too hard to imagine ! And speaking of laundry and socks . . . Sunday night , Jeff had to go to bed so that he could get up @ 12 : 30 am for work . He had not been able to finish all of his work clothes , so I told him I would take care of them . He also had bought a few gifts for a few of the women on his route , and he asked that I wrap them for him . No problem , although I did give him a hard time ( and still do ) about his " girlfriends " at his stops . I really don 't mind , but it 's funny to tease him about it . Anyway , he went to bed . Conor , on the other hand would NOT go to bed . I finished Jeff 's laundry , folded and hung up his clothes and SOCKS , and put it in his suitcase . Then I laid down with Conor to see if he would go to sleep with me there . No such luck . So , around midnight , I remembered that he needed his presents wrapped . I got up and wrapped them and also decorated them with candy canes . Then I went in to wake Jeff up because he hardly hears the alarm clock . He finally woke up a little before 1 am and asked me to make him some chocolate milk . So I did . After he had gotten up , he said , " I probably shouldn 't say this , it will probably make you mad , but it is something that has been bothering me . " Me - " What now ? " * Groan * Jeff - " Wellllll , I really don 't like the way you fold my socks . " Me - " Are you serious ? ? After all I have done for you today and tonight , you are going to COMPLAIN ! ? ! ? ! " Jeff - " I knew I shouldn 't have said anything , but I just woke up . . . . " Me - " Well , I haven 't been to bed yet , and I am tired , too . I finished your laundry , packed your stuff Posted by Well , the red all washed out of my hair , so I decided to try a dark brown , almost black . I did it on Saturday morning , before Jeff got home . It 's fun to see how people react to it . It also is surprising because the people I think will notice , don 't say anything . And the ones who I don 't think will notice , notice . And it is VERY noticeable . Mostly it has been men who have noticed and commented . Jeff was the first . No , not Allie ( who was even here the day I did it AND she still hasn 't said anything ! ) My mom was the next . I took Allie over there to spend the night and my mom noticed right away . I went to my Grandma 's for Sunday dinner and 2 of my uncles and my brother - in - law were the first to notice and say anything . They were convinced that it was a wig . They did not believe that it wasn 't until the both pulled my hair for themselves . My boss noticed ( male ) . Our regional manager noticed ( I only see him maybe once a month ) . I know others noticed , they just didn 't say anything . Again , because they don 't like it , I guess . Oh , well , I like it . Good thing , too . Because the red was a 8 - 10 shampoo wash out - this one is a 28 shampoo wash out . So it will be here a little longer . As I don 't really like pictures of myself - I took this strange one , just to let you see a sample . I am having fun experimenting with my hair . I don 't know what color I will try next , but I will let you know ! : ) I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving Day ! ! Due to Jeff 's having to go to work Thursday night / Friday Morning ( 2am ) , I fixed a dinner here and invited my parents , his parents , and our siblings . Jeff 's Mom had to work , and his sister , Naomi had other plans already ( with her husband 's family ) , but his Dad ( Jim ) was able to make it . Three of my parents made it . : ) Yep , I said 3 - Mom , Step - dad Jack , and Dad . My step - mom was at home making a dinner for them there , so she was unable to make it . My sister , Molly , her husband ( Jeff , also ) , and her kids ( Austin 10 , and Gage 3 ) also came . So we had quite a few . Every year I buy canned Cranberry Sauce , and every year I forget to get it out ! ! I guess that is because I do not eat it and I forget about it . lol So , that is still in my pantry . But for dinner we had Turkey ( of course ) , stuffing , gravy , mashed potatoes , corn casserole , sweet potatoe casserole , green beans , peas , macaroni and cheese ( home made by Mom ) , and rolls ( home made by Jim ) . For dessert , we had Toffee Brownies ( made by Molly ) , coconut cake ( made by Mom ) , miniature pumpkin and pecan pies , mini cakes , and Pumpkin Cheesecake . It was all very wonderful ! Everyone got stuffed , and then we hung out and talked a bit . The football game was on in the back - ground , but not many were watching it . Allie managed to get herself locked into our new shed while trying to find a ball . It has windows , and she was yelling out them , but apparently no one heard her . Austin eventually went looking for her and let her out . It wasn 't too long , maybe 5 minutes or so . She could have acutally climbed out the window , but it didn 't come to that . I think everyone had fun , and enjoyed the meal . We will have to do it again next year , but maybe next year we will have more activities so that everyone won 't run off so quickly ! After eveyone left , though , I was able to pack up some containers to take a sample of everything to Jeff 's Mom , who was stuck at work until 10 ! She was happy to get to have a home cooked dinner on Thanksgiving , since she had tPosted by I have added some links on the side of some of my favorite blogs to read . If you have some time - take a look at them . The Daily Rant is a great and funny blog to read . She posts some of the most amazing pictures . Check out her archives , particularly September . Scroll to the bottom and go up - there are some beautiful pictures of Alaska . She is a traveling woman - riding across the country in an 18 wheeler , taking beautiful pictures and telling funny stories . She has been helping me figure stuff out about how to post some of the the links and the guest map thingy . I also have Poop and Boogies . This one is written about being a parent - the father 's side of it . He is very funny , some of the things that go through his head are hilarious ! The title of the blog is explained in his profile . : ) I have a few others that I like to read , and I will post them eventually , but I didn 't want to overwhelm you ! And - I don 't want you to stop reading mine to catch up on all the great ones that I post for you ! hee hee . : ) Enjoy ! Well , I finally did it ! I dyed my hair red . I think I mentioned in previous posts that I was thinking about it , but I didn 't do it until this past weekend ! Ceara and I went shopping at Target on Sunday to get some sheets for Conor 's new bed , and I passed the hair coloring section and thought - hey , I need that ! : ) It is , however , only a temporary color . It is supposed to wash out in 8 - 10 shampoos . So most of you will not get to see me as a red - head ! I have tried to do this one previous time - years ago . That was when my hair was highlighted and was a lot lighter than it is now . When I did it before , the red mixed with the blonde and turned a very unflattering shade of orange . I went through some pretty intense hair treatments with the lady who does my hair - she had to strip my hair , re - color it my natural color , and then re - highlight it to get it back to where it had been before my mis - hap . Since I let all of my highlights grow out , and my hair is ( or was before the red ) a light brown , the red took pretty well . Conor was the first to notice it on Monday morning . He smiled and said he liked it . Allie didn 't notice until I told her - and then she said she couldn 't tell that much . Then my boss ( who as you recall in a previous post couldn 't tell I got a major hair cut ! ) noticed as soon as he looked at me when I got to work . Surprising ! : ) No ex - lax brownies for him this time ! ( I didn 't actually do that last time , just thought about it ! ) Jeff had left for work at 1 : 30 am after I did it , so he did notice in the dark - but it was still alittle wet from my shower , so he didn 't get to see the actual color until he came home Tuesday night . He did say he liked it though . I think it is an obvious change , so I figure the people who haven 't said anything are those people who were taught " If you don 't have anything nice to say , then don 't say anything ! " . I am thinking that they do not like it . But it wouldn 't hurt my feelings if they told me that - it is only temporary . Next I might try a dark brown to see how I like that ! Well , everyone has heard of Mr . Mom , right ? Well , I have now been referred to as Mrs . Dad ! We bought Conor a new bunk bed for his birthday ( yeah , it is still a month away , but it was needed ! ) and have had it for quite a while now - sitting in boxes in the garage . We have been so busy with our weekend trips , birthdays , and being sick , that Jeff and I have not had the time to try to put it together . So we decided that Saturday was the day to do it . The bed came in 7 boxes - BIG boxes - that Jeff lugged into the living room to prepare . Jeff invited his dad - Jim - to come over and hang out with us while we did it . Then Jeff , Ceara , Conor and I began emptying his room . I shampooed his carpet while Jeff , Jim , Ceara and Conor began opening boxes to look for instructions . They got 5 boxes opened and still nothing . Then it was Pizza time . Jim and the kids went to get pizza while Jeff and I opened and emptied the 2 remaining boxes . The directions were in the 6th box we opened . We began taking the " bed " pieces into the bedroom to put them together . Then we broke for pizza . After eating , Jim was tired and decided to go home . I teased him that all it took was 2 hours at our crazy house for him to want to be alone again ! : ) Then Jeff , Ceara , Conor and I began the construction . Jeff showed Conor how to use the screw - driver and help us . We got the 2 beds put together when Jeff got pretty tired - around 8 : 30 . He decided to take a " nap " and wanted to get up at 10 : 30pm so that he could help us finish . I took the kids with me to go and get a coffee ( yep , that late at night , there was a lot more work to do on the bed ! ) . We went through the drive thru , though , because I had not bothered to shower that day and was looking mighty scraggly . When we returned home , Conor went to bed with his Daddy , and Ceara and I set about finishing the bed . We put the " hutch " together , then the desk , then the shelves - all out in the living room because there wasn 't any room left in the bedroom with the beds in there . Then we lugged all the pieces into the Posted by Well , just thought I would own up to the fact that I can 't pick very straight boards . : ( Turns out that only 3 of the 7 ( 2X4X8s ) that I picked out were actually straight . I finally got the opportunity to ask Jack about it yesterday when he came to hang the doors on our shed . He said he figured that I forgot my glasses or something . lolI told him that I spent a lot of time finding all those boards and that I was trying to hurry because there was someone waiting for me to get done so that they could get some off of the pile that I was inspecting . His response - " Too bad , that 's their tough luck - they should have gotten there before you . " Which I guess is correct , but when someone is waiting for me to finish with something so that they can access it , I tend to try to hurry . Oh , well , our door is only a little off because of it . The other boards I haven 't gotten a verdict on yet . We are almost ready to start filling it up ( the shed ) ! I am excited . I have to lay the hard wood floor tiles that I got for it first though . : ) Yeah , I am really putting that kind of floor in my shed . Why ? Because I got a really good deal on it . All of the pieces do not match - I got the " last box " of a couple of boxes on the clearance rack at Sam 's club . So , it will add re - enforcement to the floor , and it didn 't cost as much as some other stuff that I could have used . : ) I finally figured out how to do it ! I saw this " place your pin on my map " on another blog that I read reguarly and thought it would be cool to try to put one on my blog . But I had a hard time at first and just gave up . So I just figured it out ! : ) So if you would like , just click on it - it will give a map of the earth , and you can put a little " figure " ( girl , boy , alien , and such ) on the map where you are located with a little message . I guess my blog address is being sent around to some more family members - Hi , Misty ( in Oklahoma ) ! : ) Thanks for your comment ! - so I thought it would be cool to see who else reads it . There are a few in my family , some in Jeff 's family , and a few friends , but it seems like my mom and Jeff 's mom ( Mimi and Barb ) are the only ones who comment reguarly , so I 'm not sure who else is reading it . This way , I can see . . . : ) Anyway , I have some new stuff to post soon , but I haven 't gotten a chance to write it all down . Or I guess I should say " type it all down " . Have a good evening ! On Sunday , Conor didn 't act like he felt very well , and he wouldn 't eat anything . He didn 't complain , but he did go to bed rather early . At 3am , he crawled into bed with me , crying . I felt his head and he was burning up . I got up and got him some medicine and a drink . He took both and went back to sleep . Jeff had left for work around 1 : 30 . So it was just me and Conor in my bed . We we woke up , he still had a fever - and had added a cough and runny nose . Monday 's are the busiest day of the week for me at work . Plus this was the end of the month Monday - meaning we only had that day left to bill everything we could to try to make our forecast . I had to go to work . But I couldn 't take Conor to the sitter 's because he would get the other kids sick . So , I took him to work with me . Just for a short time , I was able to take care of everything that I had to do there in just 2 hours . Then I got the documents that I would need to be able to work from home the rest of the day . Conor spent most of the time coloring with my highlighters . He was VERY good . His fever was down , so he just had a cough and runny nose . So , I thought since it was trick or treat night , and I had given my candy to Allie to take to the football game ( tailgate party ) , I thought I would just run to Sam 's and get another bag of candy to make sure I had enough . I really didn 't think it would hurt Conor to run in and out quickly . So off we went to Sam 's . Conor rode in the cart , and we were only there for about 5 minutes when he asked me for a cough drop ( I had just put one in my mouth ) . I thought , well , he probably won 't like it , and he will spit it out . But - it might help just having it in his mouth for the couple of seconds it will take before he spits it out . Not the best decision I have ever made . He liked it . So he started biting on it . Then he threw up - into my hands . It wasn 't much since he had not eaten anything solid - just liquids . So I found the nearest trash can , got some tissue out of my purse , and cleaned my hands best I could . I then " pushed " Posted by Sunday - October 30th : I wasn 't feeling too well , but I was fighting it off . Sore throat , stuffy head . I gave up my ticket to the Bengals / Packers game on Sunday because I didn 't want to get worse . That didn 't work out very well . I still got worse . Cough , stuffy AND runny nose , sore throat , just all around yucky . But I didn 't give up . I maybe should have rested , but that 's not really my thing , so I cleaned up the garage , the back yard , the kitchen , the living room , just whatever I came across that needed done . Naomi had taken Ceara and Conor to church with her , so I didn 't want to give up that " free " time to do nothing . I had to get something done . Allie had gone to the game in my place , so the house was kid free for a few hours . Jeff had homework to do , so that left me to find my own things to do . I went to Lowe 's to get the remaining materials for my shed . We needed some 2X4X8s , a few 2X4X10 ( or it may have been 2X6X10 , I forget ) , and 3 sheets of USB board . I had my list that Jack had given me so I wouldn 't forget anything or get the wrong stuff . I had been to Lowe 's with Jack enough to know how to look at the boards to see if they were straight , but I had never done it by myself . I had to find 7 of the 8 ft boards and 3 of the 10 ft ones . It took me FOREVER . I wanted to make extra sure all of them were straight , so if there was even a slight chance I thought one of the boards were not straight , I put it back and went on to the next . Funny , I kept looking at all the people around me ( read : men ) thinking that they probably thought I knew what I was doing because I was looking at them the way they were supposed to be " checked " . And I was rejecting them , making sure I had a look on my face of " dang , don 't they have any straight ones here ? " . I was amusing myself without showing it . I finally got all the boards ( I still haven 't asked Jack if they were all straight ) and I went down the next isle to get the 7 / 16 boad . Well , it is a lot harder to move than it looks . I got the first board off of the stack , positioned it tPosted by There are so many people who do not realize the value of customer service , or just being friendly . It does matter ! Here is an example : I LOVE Coffee , and I LOVE coffee shops . I collect Coffee mugs . Not the little regular mugs that can be gotten anywhere , but the BIG ones - kinda like soup mugs . I have lots of them , different sizes , colors , shapes . So when I see or hear of a new coffee shop opening , I like to go and check it out . I will give 3 examples for this post . The first one I went to was a little on the uppity side . The decor was fabulous , if a little too ritzy , but it was really nice inside . The service ? Ugh . No smile , no friendliness , nothing . Just " Can I help you ? " and then the total , and then " They will call X number when your order is ready , it can be picked up over there ( points down the counter ) . " OK . The ceiling is tiles , but not normal tiles - these are a copper tile with a design in them . It is really beautiful . They have a fire place and a leather couch in front of it , with a few chairs around too . And they have tables and chairs , some " high " and some regular . Overall ? The interior was great , the coffee was great , and the service was blah . How many times have I been there ? ONCE . The second one I went to just opened down the street from where I work . I was on my way in one day and noticed it . I stopped to try it out . It is attached to another business , so it is just a little small piece of a building . No biggie . I go in and they have decent decorations . Most of it is , of course , coffee oriented . Coffee for sale , square shelves with coffee knick - knacks . Cute , quaint . I wasn 't sure what I wanted so I was looking at the menu . The person taking my order was not helpful in any way , no suggestions . When I asked questions , just hum drum answers . Nothing special to stand out . The coffee was pretty good . Overall ? The interior was OK , the coffee was good , and the service was , once again , blah . How many times have I been there ? ONCE . The third one I absolutely LOVE . My boss came back from a break one day with aPosted by We spent most of the afternoon Saturday carving pumpkins . Nothing like waiting until 2 days before Halloween to get that done , huh ? We had bought the pattern book , got some carving tools , news papers to put down under them , and the pumpkins - of course . So we finally get to look through the pattern book to find what everyone wants to do . Conor - he chose the wolf . Allie chose one that said " wicked " with a spider over top . Ceara was not with us on Saturday afternoon ( she had plans with her Granny ) but she chose hers on Sunday when she was here . So , we set about taking the tops off the pumpkins and cleaning them out . What a gooey , slimy mess ! Conor wouldn 't even try it until he saw that I did it , then he put his hand in there one time and that was it ! So - Jeff , Allie , and I set about getting all the seeds and slime out of the pumpkins . Once that was accomplished , we taped the patterns to the outside - the best we could considering it was a round pumpkin and a square paper ! Jeff tried to talk Conor out of the wolf , but he would have none of it - he wanted the wolf and that was it . Stubborn - hmmmm , I wonder where he gets that from ? : ) Jeff started poking holes through the pattern , and did it for about , oh , I 'll say 5 minutes . Then he said " Katie , do you want to do this ? " - So I took over poking all the holes . Allie was doing hers , too . Jeff got one of the smaller pumpkins and began to clean it out . He and conor worked on carving that one , while Allie and I worked on ours . Jeff got the eyes carved with Conor and he needed a break . He didn 't come back . Allie got the WIC and 1 / 2 of the K carved and she needed a nap . So that left me and Conor . He tried a little longer to work on the mouth of his , but didn 't get too far . He also decided he was done . So I carved the wolf and finished Allie 's . Then I cleaned up most of the mess and got Conor to lay down with Jeff ( who was taking a nap ) . I then woke up Allie and we went to the store . On our way to the store , on the highway , a Trans - AM in the fast lane . He was a little ahead oPosted by Conor had a dress - up party at his baby sitter 's house on Friday for which we made cookies . Conor had a lot of fun decorating the cookies with me . His favorite was the " big " spider cookie , which he immediately claimed as his ! He put all the accessories onto the cookies , sometimes upside down , and sometimes correctly . He got the hang of it . : ) They were a big hit and there were not any left over at the end of the day . On our way home from Kentucky , we stopped to pick up our newest addition to our family - little pup . We felt that Teddy needed a play mate , so we rescued another puppy . His name is Zeus , but we mostly call him " little pup " because we call Teddy " pups " . And now Teddy is also known as " Big Pups " . At first Teddy was a little uncertain of what to think of him . He growled and barked at little pup if he so much as looked at one of Teddy 's toys , or bones , or anything ! But he has gotten a little more used to him now and they play a lot . Zeus usually starts it , too ! Very funny to watch them . We have had Zeus for a little over a week now , and we are all adjusting quite well . He is a cute little thing ! I always make sure to give Teddy a little extra attention so that he doesn 't think we are trying to replace him . He is really a good dog ! Gotta go to bed now , I 'm very tired ! G ' Night ! We recently took a trip down to Horse Cave , KY - originally to go to a production of " Jack and the Magic Beans " . Since the play was on Sunday , we wanted to go down Saturday and see what else was in the area . Well thanks to a little research on - line , we found we were just down the road from Kentucky Down Under . http : / / www . kdu . com / if you would like to check out their site . They are a bit like a zoo , but not so big . They have all kinds of birds , some reptiles , dingos , kangaroos , and wallabies . They also have a cave you are able to take a tour through . So we decided to leave early Saturday morning . It was about 3 1 / 2 hours to drive down there , and since it is only open until 4pm , we wanted to get there as early as we could . We got a later start than we originally planned , but since they are an hour behind us , we still got there at a decent time - around 10 : 30 their time . The first thing we came to was the reptiles . They were all in glass enclosures , but they did have " shows " at various times throughout the day . We did not get to see a show because we were too busy doing all the other fun stuff . The cave tour started at noon , so that gave us time to check out a few of the other sites before we went into the caves . We went into the tourist trap - I mean store - and looked around for a little while with the kids . Of course they wanted a bunch of stuff from in there . But while I didn 't mind them getting a souvenir , I did not want to carry it around all day . So I told them to wait until we were on our way out . We went along the map and visited the birds . There were a bunch of them , in cages , on a pathway of sorts , in the trees . There were some very strange looking ones that gave off strange sounds . Some sounded like laughter . Some looked like and were named like frogs . Most had signs on the cages that said " Do not feed your fingers to the birds " - I guess that was their way of saying don 't put your fingers in the cage because they will bite them off ! There was one that was really pretty , that we were apparently allowed to pePosted by This is the red kangaroo that is very softConor feeding his bird the remaining liquid that he did not drink ! : ) This was the stone covering over the steps and door to the cave . The building behind is the shop . This is one of my favorite pictures ! The looks on their faces are priceless ! As many of you know , Jeff and I drove to Columbus for the Linux Festival at the Convention Center on October 1st . We started out a little later than we had planned , 6 : 30am rather than the 4 or 5am that Jeff had wanted to . I had stayed up rather late , trying to get a lot of things done that I hadn 't gotten finished through the week . So , I think I got about 3 hours of sleep before we left . I had intended to sleep in the car , but that didn 't happen . Anyway , we arrived at the hotel @ around 8 : 30am . Jeff went inside to see if we could check in early , and not only did they allow us to check in early , but they also upgraded us to a suite for free ! Because they had over - booked and didn 't have a regular room available . So we were able to un - pack and then eat breakfast in the lobby . After that , we walked over to the Convention center . The hotel was connected to it , so it was all in - doors . It was a lot smaller than we had thought it would be . We registered and walked around to the different booths , getting some free software , pens , a pocket protector ( how classic is that ? ? ) , and various other knick - knacks . Jeff wanted to buy a Linux T - Shirt , but they did not have any on sale . Instead , they were raffling them off at the end of the day - at 6pm . So we bought several raffle tickets in hopes of winning one . At that point , there weren 't any seminars that Jeff was real interested in , the ones he wanted to see started at 11 or so . So I had seen some signs for a coffee shop inside of the convention center and we went off in search of it . We finally found it , but it was closed on the weekends ! There was a guy at the information center who pointed us in the direction of " Cup of Joe " - which was down the street a couple of blocks . We finally found it and were able to get a couple of cups of coffee , which helped to wake me up ! We took our time and then walked back to the convention center in time for one of the seminars that Jeff wanted to attend . We had our lap - top with us ( we got one so that Jeff could keep up with his school work while Posted by Friday was Ceara 's 11th birthday . For her birthday , she invited 2 friends to spend the night , and Allie had one of her friends over , too . We had Ceara , Allie , Maggie , Taylor and Ashley . Jeff planned most of the party , and decided on a " Price is Right " theme because he bought the DVD game for everyone to play . Thus the cake she is pictured with . Anyway , Friday night , we had a game of Trivia for various prizes . Jeff bought a variet of gifts from the store such as a book , fuzzy socks , stickers , pencils , and such . He listed all the prizes on paper , cut them out , and put the paper under 3 cups on a table . To win the prize , they had to answer a trivia question , then they had to pick 1 , 2 , or 3 and they win the prize under the cup . In addition to real prizes , he put in several " gag " gifts . Like " a pair of smelly socks " - which he took directly off his feel when someone won . And " a wad of toilet paper " - not used of course . Also , a " chew stick " of the dogs . It was very funny when the girls won one of these " prizes " . After all the prizes were won , they all played " The Price is Right " on the DVD game while I went off to finish the cake and cupcakes . Everyone was tired , so the game didn 't last long . The girls fell off to sleep , one by one . Allie was the first to sleep , then Ashley and Maggie . Jeff and Conor had long ago went to bed , then I finally finished with the cakes and joined them - at about 2am . Ceara and Taylor were still up playing " I spy " . The next morning , Jeff and I got up around 7 or 7 : 30 to fix breakfast , and the girls were already awake . All but Allie , that is . We had bacon , sausage , waffles , muffins ( blueberry and strawberry ) , eggs , hash rounds ( Crispy Crowns ) and strawberries . Needless to say , there was a ton of food to be eaten . Later that day , at around 1PM , we had Ceara 's Nana and Grand - Dad over for presents , lunch , cake and ice cream . Nana brought with her a bunch of balloons , which Conor immediately claimed as his own ! : ) The kids spent most of the rest of the day outside playing . They finally went homPosted by I 'm surprised that Conor and his motorcycle didn 't take off flying through the air . Kinda like " Danny Deckchair " . By the way , that movie was not nearly as cheesy as I thought it would be . I rather liked it , and was quite surprised by it . My little cousin is a HUGE monster truck fan . His favorite is Grave Digger - driven by Dennis Anderson . He is a member of his fan club , and he WON a party at his home with Grave Digger , Dennis Anderson , and 50 of his family and friends . We went to the party last Friday night , and the above picture is of Allie , Conor , Austin and Gage sitting on the wheels of this huge truck . The one below is a close up of Allie and Conor . I must say , I have never really paid much attention to Monster trucks in the past . But it was very exciting to be there and see it in person . Dennis Anderson is a very nice , very funny guy . He was very good with all of the little kids that were there and he was very personable to talk to . There were tons of things for the kids to do , and everyone got a Hotwheels series miniature Grave Digger - signed in person by Dennis . There was food , music , games , pinatas , and lots of other things to do . Conor had a blast ! He spent a lot of time in the mini - grave digger , hanging out with a little girl that was there , too . He also took several turns at the pinatas . I have lots of pictures , but will only put a few on here . It was a " once in a lifetime " experience , and I have it all on film - digital and video ! : ) Yesterday , while Conor and I were at Lowe 's getting some material for our shed , he decided he wanted to ride in a cart that was just sitting in the isle . So I put him in the biggest part of the cart , thinking that was what he wanted . But he wanted to sit in the " seat " at the front of the cart . So he proceeded to start climbing up there . I was trying to help him , but a group of people walked by and I needed to move the cart a little so they could pass . When I did , Conor lost his balace and swayed a bit . I had my hand out to steady him , but boy did he get mad ! He said , " Mommy you tried to make me fall ! " and it was just so funny the way he said it , with an irritated look on his face . " I did not ! " I said , laughing . The people passing thought it was funny , too . So he sat down and we went on getting what we needed . We got into the car and were on our way home . Lately , when we are in the car , he wants me to " go faster " . Whenever he says that , I always respond , " I can 't honey , the policeman will get me . " " Why ? " He inquires . " Because it is against the law to go really fast on some roads , someone could get hurt . Or we could have an accident . " Yeah , I actually try to explain this to him . I know he doesn 't know what I am talking about , but I try anyway . " But there isn 't anyone around , so go . " We go back and forth , with my trying to explain to a 2 year old that I cannot go flying down the road because it is against the law . If there is someone in front of me , he will go as far as to yell at them " Move out of the way , car , my mommy needs to go faster " and stuff such as that . Well , on our way home , we were on a divided highway ( St Rt 122 by Cracker Barrell ) and a state trooper had someone pulled over on the other side of the road . I pointed this out to Conor so that he could see that someone got into trouble by the police . " See , Conor , that policeman got that guy because he was going too fast ! " Conor looks over at the police man and says , " He can 't get us , we are too far away ! Ha Ha ! " I burst out laughing ! Where does he come up with Posted by Well , Conor is doing much better now . He woke up on Saturday morning and didn 't have a temperature . What a huge relief ! Allie had a Soccer game on Saturday , but I did not take Conor with me because it was quite chilly that morning and I didn 't want to risk him getting sick again . So he went with his Daddy to get " do - dos " ( donuts ) and visit Grand Dad while we went to the game . Allie 's team was defeated , 3 - 1 , but they did try very hard . Allie played goalie most of the time , a little over 1 / 2 of the game , and she stopped a LOT of the goals that were attempted . She plays goalie very well . After the game I took her and Ashley ( one of her best friends ) to the coffee shop I frequent . Neil ( one of the owners ) has never met Allie , and he knows Conor quite well , so he wanted me to bring Allie in to meet him . They do serve Fruit Smoothies , so Allie did not have to get coffee . : ) As Neil is from England , he has an accent that is wonderful to listen to , and Allie and Ashley enjoyed meeting him . Later that day , Jeff decides that we should go up to Young 's Dairy in Yellow Springs so that we can play " Utter 's and Putter 's " ( miniature golf ) , pet the animals , and get some ice cream . The kids enjoyed it , and Conor loved feeding the goats ! We also saw dairy cows , calves , and sheep . We played miniature golf , with Conor hitting his ball , then picking it up and putting it right next to the hole and putting it in . Needless to say , he won . Hee hee . He didn 't like the last hole , where you put the ball in but you do not get it back ! He was not done playing after all ! But then we went for the ice cream , so he was OK after that . He got the blue " cotton candy " flavored ice cream , and got it all over his face and hands ! After that , he was tired and ready to go home . We visited the goats one last time , washed our hands , and went home . Conor fell asleep in the car on the way home , and stayed asleep until Sunday morning . Those are the words that Conor says to me every morning . And it continues until the sun goes down . " It 's a nice day , Mommy ! " With big smiles . One day this week , on our way to the coffee shop , the sun was big and orange . Conor saw it in the sky and said " Look , Mommy , there 's a balloon ! " At first I didn 't know what he was talking about , I thought I just couldn 't see it . ( I was driving after all and couldn 't see which direction he was pointing ! : ) ) But then it was right in front of us , out the windshield , and he pointed again and said " Balloon , Mommy ! " I laughed and said , " That 's the sun , it sure is orange right now ! " To which he disagreed . It was NOT the sun , it was a balloon ! : ) I let it go . It did look like a balloon . So I just agreed that it was pretty . Another thing he does , is when he refers to yesterday he says " last day " . It 's always " last day we went to Grandma 's house " or he also says " last day was nice , too ! " . These are things that he has been saying for a while now . One new thing he does is say " I 'm happy , mommy ! " He has been saying that for about a week now . But last night he wasn 't feeling so well . I asked him if he felt bad and he said yes . Then I guess he thought about it a little bit and he all of a sudden said " I 'm not bad , Mommy . " " Of course you 're not bad , sweetie , I just meant that you didn 't feel good . " I took his temperature and the reading was 103 . 5 . I was shocked . I thought for sure it must me wrong . But I knew he had a temperature , so I gave him some Tylenol , covered him up , and let him watch cartoons . About 30 minutes later , I took his temp again . 104 . I thought surely there must be something wrong with this thermometer ! So I went and got a different one , and took his temperature with another one . It was a digital one and was climbing - when it reached 103 , Conor was impatient with it , so I had to remove it . But it told me that the other one was not that off . So I called his doctor . It was almost 10 pm , so of course I got the answering service . But the doctor on call called me back within aboutPosted by Wow , today was a long one . For starters , Allie missed the bus . Not through any fault of her own , the bus driver for some reason has been early a couple of times this year , and today was one of them . The bus is supposed to arrive at the stop at 7 : 03 am according to the " schedule " . Well , we discovered that that was not the correct time around the second or third day . So Allie started leaving for the bus stop @ 6 : 45 am ( it is only maybe a 2 - 3 minute walk ) , and she said that most days she had to wait for the bus . This morning , she left at 6 : 45 and came back at 6 : 55 because the kids were all gone and she had already missed it . So I had to try to rush to get myself and Conor ready , but I already knew she wasn 't going to make it on time . School starts @ 7 : 20 and the traffic around the school is HORRIBLE . Stop and go , everyone trying to drop their kid off . So She got there around 7 : 30 . When I arrived at work , I called the bus garage to register a complaint . If you have a bus stop in a subdivision where kids have to walk to the bus stop , don 't be more than 5 minutes early . I mean come on ! So anyway , not the best way to start my morning . But not too bad . But the real fun began with someone at work not doing their job properly . This person works in our Corporate office , and not only made a smart remark directed at our " branch " ( aka Jean and myself ) , but repeatedly made the same mistake with one call . I will not go into deep details , no one would know what I was talking about . : ) So I went and talked to my boss about the situation and he told me to email her and copy him on it , and explain the situation to her . So I did . Well , her response was to copy her boss , my boss , and my boss 's boss and write a big long email about the mistakes that the " Dayton branch " made with this call . Every single thing she wrote in the email could be proven wrong by our internal system . She does not know the system well enough to know this , but oh how I wanted to tell her . As soon as that email was received , and read , my boss yells " Kate - don 't rePosted by Conor has a little " motor cycle " that he absolutely loves . He rides it around the house , outside , everywhere . We were goofin ' off the other night and I put Jeff 's do - rag ( or whatever you call it ! ) on his head . He looked so cute ! I was taking pictures of him and he just had to have me take one of " just the motor cycle , Mommy ! " So , of course , I had to . : ) Here are a couple of the pictures . You can see his tonsils in one picture ! And his " blankie " is never too far away ! : ) My Aunt and Uncle that had the pig roast had a Birthday Party for their son ( my cousin , of course ) last night . It gave me the opportunity to get a picutre of their new dock . They decided to put a big pond behing their house with a dock . It looks REALLY good . I guess it will eventually fill up , but for now it is a big mud hole . But it still looks good ! My Aunt and Uncle 's 16th annual Pig Roast was held on 8 / 13 / 05 . We arrived late , around 6pm , and hung out at my sister 's new camper . We also took our dog , Teddy , with us , because we did not want to leave him home alone for what we thought would be several hours . The Pig Roast usually begins around 4PM , at least that is what the invitations say . We usually go earlier - around 1 or 2 PM , but this day was particuarly hot and humid , and I did not really feel like chasing after Conor the entire day . After we arrived , the rain came . It was a welcome relief ! Jeff , Ceara , Conor , and I took Teddy for a walk back to the barns behind the house . It was half - way there that the rain came . I certainly didn 't mind it ! Although , I had spent a little time straigtening my hair out , and the rain was undoing that ! I know , I know , who fixes their hair for a pig roast ? ? Not usually me , but you see , I had gotten another hair cut the day before . And I got several layers cut , as well as BANGS . I have not had bangs for well over 10 years , I believe , and when Glenda suggested them , my response was " sure , why not ? I need a change . " I had no idea that my hair would spring up in curls like I had just gotten a perm . I know my hair has a natural wave to it , but I didn 't think it could be THIS curly ! And my bangs ? If they were straight , I could deal with them . But the curly , unmanagable mess that they are ? Not used to them yet . So I straightened all my hair before the pig roast . And the rain just made it curl right back up ! Oh , well , it was kinda worth the cooling off . We stayed back in the barn for a little bit , allowing Conor to sit on a big tractor . Then when it appeared to lighten a bit , we walked back to the camper . Needless to say , we were soaked . I certainly didn 't mind , but Ceara and Conor were cold . So Ceara got her pajama 's out and put them on , and Conor had to wear some too , as you can see by the picture above . After it quit raining and everyone was dried off a bit , we went wandering about . The band was playing , so we went over to the bigPosted by Conor and I went shopping the other night while Allie was at soccer practice and we saw this pretty bouque of flowers and had to get them . They are , of course , dyed , but they were so colorful and pretty that we had to get them . I wanted to preserve the image , so I took a few pictures . They are still looking very good on my dining room table . : ) Here is a recent picture of Teddy , in a playfull " pounce " pose . He is now 9 months old and is getting big . He is a pretty good dog , other than the chewing of everything in site ! He has a fondness for shoes , so if you happen to leave them out , he will chew on them . I try to keep all the doors to bed rooms closed , so that we can keep our shoes unharmed , but that doesn 't always work because we usually take our shoes off at the door . He hasn 't done any major damage , thus far . I buy him all kinds of bones , ropes , chew toys , everything I can think of , but it does not distract him from shoes , or the kids toys if they are laying around . I guess he will eventually grow out of it . I hope so anyway ! : ) Wow , today is only Tuesday and already it has been a long week ! Starting with Monday , I was looking for some paperwork needed that I could not find . I came home for lunch and went through every file in our filing cabinet , every " bucket " in the garage ( plastic storage bins ) , closets , drawers with no luck . It could not be found . But in doing so , I noticed that there were several duplicate files in the filing cabinet . Files that I had made and Jeff had made , also , but they were in different drawers . And all kinds of junk mail or various forms of paperwork in " Junk Drawers " where it had been put to " quick clean " the kitchen counters . Wow that all needs organized ! Back to work , sweaty after being in the garage moving bins around , with no paperwork , to the normal busy work Monday . After work , I needed to get Allie and take her to get some soccer cleats and shin guards because soccer practice starts on Tuesday . So off to Mom 's to pick her up and drop Conor off , so that I don 't have to deal with a 2 year old in the mall . We get everything needed and go back to get Conor , but he doesn 't want to go . He wants to stay and play with Mimi and ride on the 4 wheeler . Mom just recently got the 4 wheeler and Conor loves to ride on it ! We do finally get home somewhere around 8pm , not much time left in the night , but I am worn out anyway , so that is fine . Allie , Conor , and I play blocks in the living room . Allie and I build them up and Conor knocks them down . Time for bed , tomorrow is a new day ! Well , tomorrow isn 't a better day ! I get up this morning and go to take a shower - no hot water . Ugghhhh ! OK , so I get ready and have to go and wake Conor up to get him ready . My normal morning guy does not want to get up today . He gives a bit of a hard time , but eventually gets up and ready . I get to work and I am feeling a little grimy , but not too bad , I did shower yesterday after all ! But I am a little sluggish and have a lot on my mind that I need to get done . We have a " warranty guy " coming to the house today @ 1PM to see what all needsPosted by |
Caution : This Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Consensual , Romantic , Heterosexual , Desc : Sex Story : Chapter 1 - Christmas time brings a man full circle . From heartache and tragedy to love and happiness . Enjoy this heart warming tale and hopefully a few of your other body parts will be warmed as well ! It 'd been a strange day from the very start . Actually , it 'd been a pretty damn strange year for me . At the beginning of the year I was saddled with a large house payment and seven nearly maxed credit cards courtesy of my ex . If you 've ever heard of a story where a women works to put her husband through school and then , after he obtains his degree and gains some success , he runs off with another woman - then you 've heard my story only reversed . If you 've heard a story where the husband thinks his wife might be " sleeping her way to the top " - that 's my story too . When I first encountered Amanda she was working nights as a waitress at Bernie 's , a restaurant in town . I 'd finished my Bachelors degree and was just getting started on my career . I 'm not certain exactly what I 'd thought I 'd seen in her ; but later on I found out for sure what she 'd seen in me . She was trying to work her way through college and support her six year old daughter at the same time . Dad was not in the picture and not paying any child support . Of course I didn 't learn all of this in one night , but I took the time to talk with her each time I stopped at Bernie 's . I guess it 's time I face it . She was hot , she was smart , and she was determined . I admired the energy she faced her challenges with . We 'd gone out as much as her schedule would permit for over a year and I was pretty smitten by her . Amanda 's daughter Stacy had quickly stolen a hunk of my heart as well . Sometimes when I look back on things I swear I 'd do things differently - until I remember Stacy ; but now I 'm getting ahead of myself . I decided I wanted more of her time ; but knew she couldn 't afford to give it the way things were . I also was positive that I 'd found true love and that things would surely work out . In any case , I proposed , Amanda accepted , and we were married soon after . We certainly had our good times ; but even from the first year I found Amanda quite willing to be manipulative now that she felt she had her hooks in me . I was paying all of the bills , and willingly so I might add . I thought if she didn 't have to work to pay for her schooling that Stacy and I would see more of her , which was true , but only to a certain extent . I remember shortly before she graduated with her Bachelors Degree how she informed me that she would be heading straight to graduate school at one of the more expensive university 's in our area . I 'd hoped we 'd actually have a year or two without the rigors of her study schedule , but I knew this was important to her - so I kept my disappointment to myself for the most part . Amanda insisted that we pay for her education without taking out any loans . She persuaded me that although it would crimp our lifestyle quite a bit we 'd be better off when she finished without having more loans to pay . So for the next two years I worked my ass off to make ends meet and to meet the extra financial obligations her Masters Degree program required . It seemed that almost as soon as she graduated and passed her bar exams she landed a job . I knew I should be excited for her , but somehow it seemed just like more of the same to me ; in this I wasn 't wrong . Amanda worked long hours while assuring me that this would only be necessary for the first year or so and that once she had secured her position in the firm she 'd be able to cut back . I loved her and I wanted to believe her - so I did . For the seven years we 'd been married I had pretty much been paying the bills and raising her daughter . Stacy was the only real bright spot in the whole picture . I 'd arranged my schedule so that I 'd start work early and get off by four in the afternoon . At four thirty I 'd arrive at the soccer field in time to catch the last fifteen minutes of her soccer practice . If she had a game , I was the one who cheered her on . Twice a week I took her to her dance class . I remembered just how proud I was of her at her recital ; I also remember how upset she was that her mother hadn 't made it . One year passed and then another . It was in Amanda 's third year at the firm that I found the invitation to her firm 's Christmas party in a stack of bills on the desk in the den . " Well it 's about time we get invited " I thought to myself as I looked it over . Then , as I was reading the letter accompanying the invitation , I saw a line that really bothered me a lot : " As we do each year at this time , we are pleased to invite each employee and their spouse or significant other to attend our happy festivities . . . " They 'd invited her before ? And me too ? Why hadn 't she said anything ? If I hadn 't found the invitation , what would she have said this year ? I decided not to say anything about it and see what she 'd do . I hid the invitation and waited . Nothing happened . The day grew closer without a single word . Then , the evening of the party , she called to say she had to work late . I guess I should have known . After all , it 's what she 'd probably done every year before . Was she ashamed of me ? I just didn 't know about her anymore . Stacy was thirteen now , but I really didn 't want to leave her alone so I called an older neighbor lady we were close to and asked if she could come and stay with Stacy for the evening . I told her that a bit of an emergency had come up and Helen didn 't hesitate to help me out . Instead of being upset with me , Stacy was happy to have a visit from her " Aunt Helen " as she 'd taken to calling the kindly woman . The firm Christmas party turned out to be a formal affair at one of the nicer hotels in town . The letter accompanying the invitation had included details about the menu and the entertainment for the evening . They were going all out . I dressed in my nicest suit and headed out the door with the invitation in my pocket . When I reached the hotel I asked where the party for Michberg , Laughton , and Connell was being held and they directed me to the Omega Ball Room . I entered the room and spent the next two hours observing and being careful to stay out of Amanda 's sight . There was my Amanda , my wife , acting as if she was a single woman with no spouse . Seeing the woman I 'd longed to be close to and tried to make a life with acting as if I didn 't even exist left me in sheer agony . She danced with any man that asked and I often saw wandering hands which she did absolutely nothing to discourage . About ten thirty I saw her leave the dance floor and make her way to the exit followed by two men . Progress was slow as she moved through the crowd of people and every few minutes or so it seemed that another man had joined her entourage . I was near an exit on the other side of the room so I ducked out and made my way through the hallways as quickly as I could . I reached the door just as she was coming through and barely avoided having her spot me . I followed her and the nine men as they headed to the elevator . I ducked inside just before the door closed keeping my back to her so she wouldn 't see my face . My caution was probably wasted . I heard noises of kissing accompanied by her giggles and the laughter and comments of the other men in the elevator . When I risked a glance over my shoulder I was shocked to find her standing there in just her thong happily being pawed by the men standing nearest to her . They had pressed the button for the sixth floor and I stayed in the elevator facing towards the corner until they had all gotten out . I followed at the back of the group as they made their way down the hall to room six hundred and nineteen . One of the men produced a key card and opened the door . He held it wide as everyone walked in . When he saw me standing there I expected him to tell me to get lost ; instead he said " Come on in pal . The more the merrier ! " I stepped into the room and watched as the man closed the door . He turned to me once again and said " We 've got dibs on her first . You 'll get your turn , but right now I need you to listen for the door in case anyone else wants in on the action . " " She 's really something isn 't she ? Every Christmas she bangs just about every man in the firm . Says it 's her Christmas gift to us . Fortunately for us she doesn 't really make us wait a whole year . Our little slut Amanda will let us bang her anytime and any way we want ! " he told me with evident excitement . He wasn 't kidding ! She took on all comers . It was just like a porno flick . There she was in the center of the bed sitting on some guys cock as she faced the foot of the bed . Another dick was fucking in and out of her asshole . She was sucking a third and giving hand jobs to two others . The bitch ! " I 'm working late dear . Not tonight dear , I 've had a hard day . No you can 't fuck me in the ass ! Only a whore takes it back there . How could you think so little of me ? " All the lies she 'd fed me ! Me her husband ! The one who 'd bent over backwards to make things work for her ! For me nothing , while other schmucks could do anything they wanted to her anytime they wanted . She was a bitch to me and a slut for them . To make matters worse she was taking them bareback while she 'd always insisted that I wear a condom . " We wouldn 't want to risk having another little one right now honey " was the line she 'd always used on me . It was only later that I heard her tell one of the men fucking her pussy " Go ahead and fill me up with your cum , I had my tubes tied years ago . If I haven 't gotten pregnant with all the fucking I 've done since I never will . " I figured I 'd seen enough and wasn 't enjoying this eye opening experience very much at all . Better to find out what I could and then make my exit instead of getting violent in a room full of lawyers . " She 's quite the slut isn 't she ? " I asked the man next to me . " Yup ! Mandy 's our little deal closer . If the deal isn 't making progress , just let Mandy grease the way . Of course most of the grease she uses gets put in her tight little asshole ! " he laughed . So that was how she 'd been " securing her position in the firm . " Well at least now I knew what her position was ; usually on all fours with every orifice chocked full of cock . The bitch had seen me as nothing more than her meal ticket and live - in babysitter . I got to work my ass off while all of the other men around her got to get their rocks off ! I was mad ! I was also so numbed by the shock of it all that I 'm afraid I was quite stupid . The smartest thing I could have done would have been to run down to the twenty four hour drug store on the corner and buy a couple of disposable cameras before heading back to the room and catching the slut in action on film . Unfortunately , that 's not what I did . I left the room before she saw me alright ; but I didn 't come back with a camera . The rest of the whole mess is damn painful for me to recount , not that this wasn 't ! To make a long story short - it 's damn hard to win out in divorce court when your bitch of a wife has fucked every legal dick in the county ! I had no credible evidence and she must have known the jig was up somehow . The bitch actually filed for divorce two days later ! I ended up with a shit load of bills to show for the seven years I 'd been faithfully supporting her and some other man 's kid . I offered to pay child support in the hopes that I 'd still get to have time with the girl I considered my daughter . Sometimes the boneheads who run the courts can be pretty damn stupid . They gave me no custody rights or visitation privileges since I wasn 't Stacy 's biological father . I was given a few minutes to say good bye to the only meaningful bright spot in the last seven years of my existence and it just about ripped me apart when the bitch took Stacy away . I at least avoided alimony payments since Amanda clearly didn 't need me for support and I 'd been able to prove that I had in fact paid her way through school and pretty much been the sole provider throughout our marriage . The divorce was over and done with faster than I would have believed possible . Three weeks after I had the final papers in my hand I stopped in at a gas station , fueled up my car , and went inside to grab a soda . The fella in front of me asked the clerk if it was too late to buy a lottery ticket before the night 's drawing . It was Saturday so the clerk looked at the time listed on the machine 's LCD display before answering . There were still a few minutes left so she sold him his tickets . I don 't know why I did it , it was really just on a whim , but as the she rang up my drink I asked for three dollars worth of lottery tickets . I dropped my change in my left pocket , stuffed my tickets in my billfold , picked up my drink and walked out . Once I had put the tickets in my pocket I pretty much forgot about them for a few days until Thursday when I overheard one of my co - workers talking about the unclaimed lottery jackpot . I still wasn 't paying close attention until another person said they 'd heard the winning ticket had been sold at a local gas stop . That gained a bit more of my attention . Then another guy named the gas station that had sold the ticket . " Hey , " I thought to myself " that 's where I bought my ticket . " I left the break room in such a hurry I left my coffee cup on the table . On my way back to my office I remember thinking " it 's just a coincidence ; there 's no way I 'd ever win . " I 'm no power computer user by any stretch but I do alright and know my way around the Internet okay . It didn 't take long to find the website for the Lottery and call up the winning numbers . I pulled the ticket out of my wallet and checked the three separate sets of numbers I 'd purchased . The first was wrong and so was the second ; but as I checked the third I realized that they all matched ! I actually had the winning ticket from the March 2nd , 2002 drawing ! I 'd bought the ticket on a whim without even knowing how much the jackpot would be worth if I 'd won . Now I found out that I 'd won fifty seven million dollars ! Of course it 'd probably amount to significantly less after taxes but it 'd be more than enough for me I knew ! Now , how should I do this ? I managed to keep my voice normal as I arranged with my boss to take the next few days off of work . I called my buddy Cliff , the only lawyer I still thought of as a friend and asked for his silence and his help . The state lottery headquarters for Arizona is in Phoenix . I was living in Tucson and Cliff calls Flagstaff home . He agreed to meet me in Phoenix for brunch and we 'd talk more there . I asked him if he knew of a good tax specialist in Phoenix that might be able to join us and he said he 'd take care of it . Cliff asked me to meet him at the Einstein Brothers Café at the street level in the Hyatt Regency Hotel downtown . The next morning I left my house early in the morning and drove the two hours to Phoenix . I was waiting at the café that fine Friday morning at nine just as Cliff had asked . He came out of the hotel a few minutes later . " Hey Brad it 's really good to see you ! " Cliff said as he gave me a hug . Cliff and I went way back . I 'd known him since I was in grade school and we 'd stayed in touch ever since though somewhat sporadically when he moved to Flagstaff just after passing his bar exams . " It 's good to see you too Cliff . How 'd you get here so quickly though ? " " I cheated . You called at two so Pam and I used this as an excuse to enjoy an extended weekend here at the Hyatt . She 's probably already out spending whatever it is I 'm going to earn on your business ! " Cliff joked . We both went in and ordered a simple breakfast of bagels , cream cheese , and orange juice . There didn 't seem to be too many listening ears nearby ; but I decided I would wait for a more private setting to explain why I 'd asked him to come . Instead I asked him to tell me how his kids were doing and enjoyed the stories he regaled me with concerning their exploits . After we 'd finished our bagels , Cliff led me into the hotel and up to the suite he and Pam were staying in . He ordered up some coffee from room service and then sat on the couch while I stole the comfortable chair . " So Brad , what do you need my help with ? " Cliff already knew that Amanda and I were divorced along with a few of the painful details . His practice in Flagstaff was far enough away from her antics in Tucson that he 'd not known about any of it until after I did . When I told him I possessed the winning lottery ticket , Cliff congratulated me and said he could probably guess at least part of what I needed him for . He was right . I wanted to find some way of remaining somewhat anonymous but lottery winnings in Arizona are public record for large jackpots . Cliff sat there thinking about if for a few minutes and then came up with an idea that while not completely fool proof should do a pretty good job of protecting my anonymity . He said we had a window of one hundred and eighty days from the time of the drawing to work things out . His plan was that I would legally change my name prior to claiming my winnings . He told me that since I was no longer married , had never filed bankruptcy , and had no outstanding court judgments against me I wouldn 't need to publish any notifications . Before changing my name I would first need to sell the house and then quit my job ; good thing I had six months ! Changing names was a little weird for me to even contemplate at first . I 'd been Brad Crawford as long I 'd been alive . I was the only child of Jim and Eliza Crawford and they had both died in a car accident during my second year in college . My mother had been an only child and my dad 's brother had died before I was born . From the stories I 'd heard , my Uncle Phil was a cop who died after being shot while on duty . My grandparents were no longer among the living either . I was engrossed in this line of thought for a few minutes and Cliff just sat quietly with me as I pondered things . " You know Cliff - this whole idea of changing names gets you thinking about breaking ties with family and friends , " I said as I looked in his direction . " Now that I 'm pondering it , I realize that except for you , I 've pretty much already done that in a way . I don 't have any living family left and I 'd been pouring so much of myself into raising Stacy and dealing with Amanda that I haven 't developed any other close friendships . Even the people I work with are people I 'm pretty detached from . " I started thinking about a scene from the movie Men In Black . The one where Will Smith is sitting on a park bench in deep thought as he is faced with the choice of severing ties with everyone he knows . The whole thought just made me burst out laughing and Cliff wanted to know what the joke was . When I shared my train of thought with him he started laughing to . " I 'm going to do it Cliff . In a way I probably should 've done it even if I hadn 't won this money . I really could use a fresh start . Right now I can 't even walk down the street and see another man passing me by without wondering if Amanda hasn 't whored herself out for him as well . " So that was what I did . When my dad died I 'd inherited a large block of stock in the company he 'd worked for . I sold it to use for working capital . I spent a few days packing up the things I intended to keep , which didn 't turn out to be a whole lot , and then hired two movers to pack up the rest of it which I donated to a local charity . I walked through the house with a realtor and asked them to make a complete list of things that could be done quickly that would make the house more attractive to a buyer . The list was short : clean the carpets and paint the bedrooms . I guess all of my diligence at taking care of the place had paid off . I really wanted the house to sell fast , so in addition to the bedrooms I had the painters do all the rooms . I also had the garage floor and the concrete drive re - sealed . I had a small crew from the local nursery come out to trim the trees and bushes and add a few flowering plants here and there . The exterior of the house was in very good shape already so there wasn 't much to do there ; but I thought that having the yard look its best might make things move along a bit faster . After the painters had finished I had the carpets cleaned . With the place in such nice shape , the realtor was happy to list it and wanted to ask for top dollar . I told him that my goal was to move the place quickly and listed it for thirty percent below the appraisal . That would leave me with enough cash after paying off the house , the credit cards , and the realty fees to last until the name change was complete and the lottery winnings were available to me . The realtor was resistant to this at first , probably since their commissions are paid on a percentage basis , so I told him I 'd pay twice his normal fee if the sale of the house closed within three weeks . If it took longer than that I would only pay the normal commission fees . Needless to say , the house sold very quickly . I used the proceeds from the sale of the house to clear every remaining debt I had obtained as Brad Crawford . One last piece of business here and then I could put my existence in Tucson behind me . I drove my two year old car from the hotel I 'd been staying in over to Helen 's house . " Oh Brad ! Come on in ! It 's good to see you . I 've missed talking with you and Stacy , " the elderly woman said as she gave me a friendly hug . I saw a tear trail down her cheek as she thought about what had happened to Stacy and I . Reaching up as gently as I could , I wiped her tear away and suggested she and I go for a ride and get a bite to eat if she was up to it . Her whole face lit with the smile I had become accustomed to over the years as she usually had it on her face whenever she was with Stacy . I realized Stacy and I weren 't the only casualties of Amanda 's choices . While the house was being taken care of I 'd had the car in the shop as well . It was in wonderful condition and had less than forty thousand miles on it . After Helen had locked the door to her house , I offered her my arm and walked her to the car . Instead of taking her to the passenger side , I opened the driver 's door and asked her if she 'd mind driving . " Yes Helen . I just don 't feel like driving right now . I 've ridden with you before and always felt safe riding with you - so would you mind driving ? " We had a nice meal and when it was over we walked back out to the car again . " Helen , would you mind driving again ? I 've a few more errands I need to run this afternoon . " " No Helen . Nothing like that at all . It 's just that I 'm going to be moving away from here . Seeing Amanda or the snakes she works with is too hard on me ; especially since I can 't even see Stacy . I 've got to leave here and get on with my life . " " Yes . Very sure . My parents are gone and I have no family around here . My only regret is to be leaving a good neighbor and friend like you Helen . " She looked at me with misty eyes and said " You 've never asked me to do anything I wasn 't perfectly happy doing for you Brad Crawford . You don 't need to do me any favors . I know things have to be hard for you right now . " I smiled at her and said " I 'm going to be alright Helen . Now , the reason we 're here is to get this title transferred into your name . I want to give this car to you Helen . It 's paid for and I won 't be needing it where I 'm going . I want you to have it . " " I can 't take your car Brad ! It 's worth a good deal of money ! You should sell it and use the money for yourself ! I can 't accept this ! " " Hold on there Helen . Think about it for a moment . I have no parents to take care of , but if they were still alive and needed some help - would it have been okay for me to give the car to them ? " " Is it really so different ? You 've been as much family to me and Stacy as anyone Helen . I really want you to let me do this for you . Your car isn 't going to be reliable for much longer , but this one would be . Please , I 'm begging you Helen , please accept my gift . " It took a little more convincing , but I got the job done and soon the car was transferred into her name . I had her drive me to her insurance agent and we had the car added to her policy . When she went to the restroom I paid her agent for three years worth of insurance so she wouldn 't have to deal with it in the near future . I had a private car service pick me up at Helen 's house . Cliff 's dad owned a cabin in the White Mountains and I was going to hole up there for a while and had arranged for the few boxes of belongings I 'd decided to keep to be sent there along with my clothes . This would allow me to incur no new debt or expenses as Brad Crawford that couldn 't be paid for with cash while the name change was being processed . It wasn 't too long of a wait and then the name change was completed . I remember the look on Cliff 's face when I had told him what name I wanted him to use . He 'd made the comment that soon enough I was going to be one rich bastard . But then when I told him that would be my new name he had a hard time believing I was serious . Now the name change was completed and from now on I 'd be signing my name as Rich B . Ard ; however , my official name was Richard Bast Ard . Somewhat humorous and probably a bit stupid , but it fit my sense of humor . I had some qualms about what he suggested next , but he talked me into it by reminding me that lottery laws allowed the names and photos of winners to be posted and used for publicity . So , with a bit of help from Pam , I altered my appearance quite severely . Pam volunteers as a makeup artist for two summer theater productions every year and as I found out - she 's quite good at her work . She died my hair until the predominant color was silvery gray with streaks of white . I don 't know how to describe everything she did with my face ; but it added at least thirty years to my appearance . Then she " dressed me fat " as she puts it . When I looked in the mirror I didn 't recognize myself at all . The three of us drove into Phoenix . With the name change , I had a new birth certificate which was used to obtain a new social security card . Cliff then took me to a tax specialist and I largely listened as he detailed my wishes quite accurately . We 'd talked about my intentions quite a bit over the last two days that they 'd spent with me and he knew what I wanted as well as what I was concerned about . I signed some paperwork with the man and instructed him to take directions from Cliff from here on out . Next we went to the State Lottery offices on University Drive . It was a good thing I had Cliff there to represent me as I was a bit overwhelmed by everything . I elected to take the thirty year payout which amounted to 1 . 9 million dollars a year minus taxes . The next stop was the bank which would be the last stop before I was done with the paperwork and the disguises . I didn 't worry about how they got it done so quickly , maybe Cliff had given them enough of an advance warning , but I left the bank with a credit card and checks in the name of Rich B . Ard . The checks were probably produced on site in small numbers on a laser jet printer since they were on blue safety paper and included the address and phone number of the tax specialist . All of my account statements would be mailed there as well . I flew to Mexico and stayed in a luxury hotel in Puerto Vallarta for about six weeks . The entire time I was there I was working with a personal trainer trying to regain the six pack I 'd had ten years earlier . My weight wasn 't the problem but I wasn 't at all in shape either . This was going to have to change and I was willing to put the necessary effort into it . After Puerto Vallarta , I visited Cancun and the surrounding area . I loved the fact that I could be out scuba diving or snorkeling one day and be traveling inland to examine ancient ruins the next . After four months in Mexico I flew to Hawaii for a three month stay where I enjoyed almost as much time in the water as I did on land . In late November I flew to San Diego and from there to Aspen for an extended vacation ; I was hoping to get some skiing in before I left . I knew the holidays would be tough , and they were . I got through Thanksgiving okay , but Christmas was really hard for me . Most of the time I was able to keep thoughts of Amanda at bay , but Stacy was another matter entirely . It seemed that everywhere I looked there were families enjoying the winter activities together . Three days after Christmas had past , I checked into the Manchester Grand Hyatt in downtown San Diego . Having grown up in Arizona and then spending most of my adult life there as well , I 'd been to San Diego quite a lot . It wasn 't too bad of a drive from Phoenix or Tucson so it made a nice place to get some surf and sun without a lot of hassles . There were a lot of things to do and see in the area and I had the time now . After a day of sight seeing and then a walk along the beach , I made my way back to the hotel . I 'd made my excursion on foot since everything was pretty much within walking distance anyway . I guess that with all of the physical activity I 'd been engaged in for the last six months or so , nine or ten miles of walking broken up by interesting sights and points of interest just didn 't seem that far any more . With all of the walking I 'd been doing , the skiing , the swimming , the focused workouts , and with the care I 'd employed in selecting only the best of foods to fuel my body - I was in better shape than I 'd ever been before . I hadn 't " bulked up " with muscle since I didn 't want to carry the extra weight electing instead to achieve strength and muscle definition while maintaining agility . I 'd dropped off all excess body weight and was well on my way to the toned and chiseled physique I desired . Just before I reached the hotel I decided on a whim to stop for a few minutes at Pantoja Park and relax there while I planned my activities for the evening . I don 't remember precisely when , but several years ago Amanda , Stacy , and I had driven to San Diego for some convention or another that Amanda needed to attend . While Amanda was off doing whatever , I took Stacy out on a short whale watching jaunt one morning . During the afternoon we 'd enjoyed ourselves relaxing and horsing around in the park near the hotel - Pantoja Park . Being at the park brought back many memories of Stacy . For me , remembering times with Stacy was both pleasant and slightly painful at the same time . Pleasant in that I still loved the sweet girl who I 'd had the joy of spending time with ; but painful in that I could no longer have her in my life . As I sat there on the bench I thought about the afternoon she and I had once shared right here . I remember playing tag and pretending that she was too fast for me to catch , giving her a boost up so she could climb a tree , pushing her on the swings , and laughing together . My life with Amanda had been a lie ; but life with Stacy had been real . What brought me out of me reverie was the sight of an apparently homeless person sleeping on a bench some distance from me . I wondered what their story was . The plight of the homeless had been on my mind more than once and I 'd tried to help several before . My efforts had no long lasting effect , but maybe they 'd been a bright point in an otherwise difficult existence - so I 'd been happy to part with the money . It 's true that many of the homeless have arrived in their situation by actions of their own and that some do not wish to put out the effort to escape their situation ; but that isn 't the case for everyone . Every year I donated money to programs that offer food , shelter , and rehabilitation to the homeless . This past Christmas I 'd been able to donate quite a bit more , but maybe this time I could offer some help in person . I stood and began slowly walking towards them . Their tattered clothing was so dirty , I thought the pants might have been red at one time but I couldn 't really tell . A dirty jean jacket pulled tight and held shut by crossed arms , its hood pulled up over the head and partially obscuring the dirt streaked face . Two mostly worn out athletic shoes completed the ensemble . The face that looked up at me was younger than I expected and clearly that of a girl . The eyes still had some life left in them and I could see what might be a small spark of hope at the thought of a meal ; but there was hesitancy there too . This young one had seen some hard times for sure . " Lynn , I can eat with anyone I like . I really don 't care what everyone else thinks about me - so why should I care if I 'm seen eating with some Hollywood starlet or a homeless person ? What business is it of theirs ? " She turned her head so she could look me directly in the eyes . It was like she was searching for something there that would tell her what to do . Finally she asked " You really mean that don 't you ? " " No , " she answered with just a hint of a smile on her tired face . " It 's just that I haven 't had a bath in a while . I don 't have any clean clothes and I feel just filthy . You seem sincere and all ; but I still don 't want to embarrass you . " " Let me say it again Lynn . I 'm not easily embarrassed and you don 't need to worry about that . If you 'd like , you can come with me and pick out some new clothes , get cleaned up , and then we can eat . " " Lynn I realize you don 't know me from Adam and that you may have seen some really hard times , but honestly I only wanted to help you . If you remember I asked you about a meal ; everything else came up because I don 't want you to be uncomfortable . I don 't even want to imagine how I 'd feel if I hadn 't been able to have a shower for a few days , " I said as reassuringly as possible . The young woman sat thinking about it for a moment and then seemed to reach some kind of decision . " Okay Rich . I 'm very hungry and I haven 't had a real meal in a long time . I really would like to be clean again and a change of clean clothes would be awful nice to . If you really don 't mind helping someone like me then I 'd be pretty dumb to refuse ; but it might not work anyway . " " Good . If you 've got everything , then let 's go , " I said as I began walking towards the side of the park closest to my hotel . " It 's about three thirty right now so we have some time to get to a store or two . I 'm staying at a hotel near here . You can get showered and cleaned up there . I 've got a pair of sweatpants I think will fit you and a sweatshirt as well . They 'll be a little baggy , but you 'll only need to wear them until we can get a few things in your size . " When I mentioned her showering in my hotel room she looked a bit unsure of things again , but she came along anyway . It doesn 't take much walking to get from the park to the hotel and I led her straight through the lobby . We got a few stares from curious onlookers but I really wasn 't kidding when I told her I didn 't care what anyone else thought . I led her over to the elevator that serviced the floors with the nicer suites and punched the button for my floor . I had a corner suite with a spectacular view . The view and the amenities were more important to me than the cost and that 's what I told my travel agent . I 'd been working through a single agency for a while now and they were learning my likes and dislikes and doing a good job of keeping me happy . So though I 'd been traveling by myself , I just happened to be in a suite with two separate bedrooms , not because I planned on using the second bedroom , but because the best views were to be had from the corner suites and they just happened to have the extra room . The door to the extra room was closed when we walked in though , so Lynn didn 't know about it . " There are plenty of towels in the bathroom as well as shampoo , soap , and other toiletries . When we go shopping you can pick up anything else you might need in the way of toiletries . Now you take your time and make yourself right at home Lynn . I hadn 't been lying about the book . I grabbed a Sam Adams from the bar and sat down in the big overstuffed chair to read while I drank it . I wasn 't really paying too much attention to the time . I was nicely relaxed and really enjoying the story when Lynn stepped into the room . The sweats were pretty baggy , but the drawstring was doing its job . The sandals were a little big ; but they 'd do for now . Now that her hair was clean I saw that it was a lustrous honey blond and even though she 'd not been able to use any makeup her face was beautiful . " Now I know you 're hungry , let 's grab a sandwich at the shop down the street and then go shopping . Afterwards we 'll get a real nice dinner somewhere . That 'll give you sometime to think about what kind of restaurant you want to go to , " I suggested . " Yes , but the clothes and the shoes smell . I didn 't want them to stink up the whole place so I stuffed them into a dry cleaning bag . Is that okay ? " |
And it might not be right to say that I knew how she felt but I do . I used to be depressed a lot , I am still sometimes now and it may be hard but I did try to cut desperately my wrists sometimes in the past but I didn 't . I didn 't because in the end I decided it wasn 't worth of it , it wasn 't worth to hurt myself for what some others did to me . I know that the reason of my depression was that I used to be bullied for six years and it was awful . It took me six years to understand what was wrong and that it wasn 't me . Two years ago I decided to change my way of thinking and become a better person for myself . Now , eight years later , I am feeling much better . I may be depressed sometimes but is better than before . At least now I don 't need to take some medicine to make me happy . XD And to Cassie 's boyfriend , Tristan , I know you are mad and I wish I could tell you sweet words just like everyone else did . I wish I could tell you that I know how you feel but I don 't think I can . I didn 't lose someone that I love recently like you and it 's been a lot of years since someone that I love died , too many that I was too young to remember . What I know is the fear of losing your home from fire , the fear of losing someone you love from crazy people or from a car accident and the fear of losing your own life . I wish to you , Tristan , to never feel that kind of pain again . To never happen to you again what happened and to never feel the fear of losing someone or something that you love . But most of all I wish you to never lose yourself and your life . I started writing this one about a couple of months ago . I first posted it on wattpad and later on widbook where it became one of the most popular stories . I was asked for an illustration from a member of widbook creators team so that they would put it in their site 's homepage . Few days later it was named as the e - book of the week and I was asked for an interview so that it would be put in their site 's blog and media . This is my other story on priority for writing and you can understand now the reason . . . In our story Vampires has a very big role since they exist in our current world and they live hidden between humans . The story will be some kind of funny as our heroine will struggle to not get burned by the Church 's ( Both Catholic and Orthodox ) and not to get killed my the Vampires too ! The funny part is the Vampires and Church are at some kind of a war too , so you can imagine what is going to be like , a real hell ! " Happy birthday ! " , I heard my father whisper to my ear while he moved his hands down my blanket to hug me . He kissed my head and then my cheek . " Time to wake up birthday girl " , and with that he moved his hands to my stomach and started tickling me . " Dad - ha ha … Dad stop ! . . . Ha ha … I - I 'm awake stop ! " , with that he stopped , pet my head and got up . " Breakfast is ready " , he got out the room and left the door opened to come some light in . I pulled my blanket up my head and wrapped my around my legs close to my chest just like in its mother 's womb . It was so warm under there that I didn 't want to get out . Too bad that I needed to get up . I pushed my blanket and stuffed animals of me and moved of my cozy bed . I moved out of the room and went straight to the living room to meet my parents . My father was wearing his jacket and kissed my mother . Normally no one worked on Sundays , but a beer 's factory needed some machines in order to produce a new kind of beer with lemon and my dad had to work during the whole weekend to make them . He had also to work tomorrow , even though it was a national celebration . " Bye dad " , moved my hand up to good bye him . " Happy birthday my love ! Come here " , he opened her arms for me and hugged me tight , that wasn 't something we did usually , my mum wasn 't the hugging type of a person . " Oh baby … You 've grown up so much . You are an adult now …” , she continued stroking my back for a little and then she left me . " I 'll warm some milk , will you wake up Maria ? " , she asked me while she was walking towards the kitchen with her back facing me . " Ok " , I went back to my bedroom to wake up my little sister . I climbed the stairs of her bed and leaned up of her head . " Maria wake up ! " , I called her name many times and told her to get up but nothing . Geez ! How much can that child sleep ! She 's always hard to wake up . She doesn 't wake up no matter how much noise you may make ! That is why I always ended teasing and tickling her and that 's exactly what I did . " Mmm … mm … " , I saw her moving and hiding herself under her blanket . " Stop complaining and get up sleepy one ! Mum is making breakfast … " , I continued teasing her . " Nooooo … I don 't want to ! What time is it ? " I rolled up my eyes . " Eight and a half " , I told her still tickling her . " I won 't wake up ! It 's not twelve o ' clock ! " " Maria ! Get up now ! " , her act was starting getting on my nerves . " Nooooo ! Why ? " , she wined like a cranky cat . " Because mum said so ! Now get up ! " , I tried to pull her out of bed . " Maria ! Get up now ! You have to study for your English lessons ! " , I heard my mother shouting from the kitchen . " Mmm … Why ! I wanna sleep … " " Maria get up ! You 've been sleeping since ten and thirty while all of us we have sleep only for a few hours . Get up ! Milk is ready ! " " Ooh ! Why you never let me sleep ! " , and with that she got up and went straight to the bathroom . That kid never stops complaining about sleeping . I got down her bed and went to the kitchen to eat my breakfast . Soon Maria came to eat her own . After finishing it I went to change to my clothes and got out to buy a newspaper . Then I went back home and helped my mum to clean up the house . Tonight the whole family , my mother 's sisters and parents and my dad 's parents , would come to see me blow my 18th candles . After cleaning up the whole house , we ate lunch and I study a little bit for my school and my Physics lessons . As student we don 't have only to go to school during morning but to do also some extra lessons in private Education Organizations for some of our school lessons or for a foreign language in order to give for a language certificate . We all had to have lower in English or upper and some other in a second language such as French or German . Somewhere around three and a half I had to get out to buy some things my mum needed for the night . We were living next to our town 's main church and every hour during the day time only the bells were singing to remind us what time is it . I was passing by the church 's yard returning home when the bells rang four in the afternoon . That was the exact time that I was born … and the exact time my life changed , not only because I was becoming an adult , but because a curse was breaking and a miracle was coming back to life … I heard the bells singing the rhythm of four o ' clock they used everyday , but it wasn 't a sing to me this time . The exact moment the bells started their happy rhythm I felt my whole body going numb and then an uncontrollable rush of pain took over my body . The shopping bags fell of my arms and I fell on my knees wrapping my hands around my body panting . I felt my whole body on fire and my vision was starting blurring . I looked up at the red cross in the church 's roof to pray to God for help . Indeed , I found it sparking and throwing red sparkles that were dancing in the air till they meet the ground . Soon there were so many scattered on the ground that it seem like it was on fire . I looked up in the sky to found it dark , with many black clouds cycling the place up of me . There was sun everywhere except for the church where the dark clouds were creating a cyclone eye . The wind got worse and the trees around my started moving violently by its force . Back to me , the pain didn 't stop , on the contrary it got worse and I started hallucinating . I started watching blood everywhere around me . I saw blood running down the church 's stairs or from the trees , I saw the blood moving towards me while I felt blood coming of me too . Blood was running from my eyes down my face , my hands and my legs too were covered in blood while the other around hadn 't even touch me . I felt my neck burning and my heart was beating so fast that it hurt . I saw the blood that was coming towards me to get up and start its death dance around me so much grace . Like a miracle taken from the fairy tales where the forest fairies could make the water dance around them in different shapes and forms just like that it dance all around me , cycling me , covering me and eating me . That 's when I felt like something inside me broke in thousand little pieces , and soon , the darkness possessed me … I woke in the sound of my name being called many times . I opened my eyes to find my mum next to me trying to touch while the policemen were dragging her away . I saw my little sister sitting in a corner away from everyone with her legs up her chest , hands wrapped around them and her head leaned between them . There were more policemen around me checking the whole place but no one seemed to notice that I was now awake . I tried to get up but ended as a failure . A policeman close to me though notice my little attempt and ran to me shouting to the others . My mum stopped struggle to get free from the policemen 's grip and they let her go with clear shock on their faces . My mother rushed over me and took me in her arms . There was panic everywhere , people running up and down shouting . I saw Maria 's face moving up meeting my sight , she unfolded herself and tried to move towards me . I felt my mother 's breath on my neck and something water like to fall on my skin while I felt myself being stroked . More cries . More shouts . More panic . After some time an ambulance came and took me to the nearest emergency hospital . Time passed with exams , check ups and crazy doctors running all over the hallway . Shouting , cursing , swearing . Panic and craziness everywhere . The funny part is that I never understood the whole thing . I never got why everyone acted like that . I was fine . Totally fine . Well , I was a little bit of tired but after that there was nothing else . I had no scars , no injuries , no broken bones , and I was not raped . The policemen were scratching their heads all the time not understanding . They couldn 't believe how I had nothing while they had found me in a massive pool of blood . They assured the doctors that I was almost dead back there . Both of them , doctors and policemen , were fighting all the time on what was really going on . I wish I could explain to them too , but I had no idea too . What could I tell them ? That I saw blood dancing everywhere ? The worst part is that my whole family was here . Perfect ! I just destroyed my eighteenth birthday ! I just destroyed their happiness ! They have been waited for this moment for a long time ago . . . It hurt me deep to see them like that . Worried , afraid , terrified , angry and most of all , lost . They couldn 't believe that something like that . Just like every family they were praying and fear for the family 's children not get attacked ever in their life . Their fear came true , even though it wasn 't really true , well , because I wasn 't attacked at all . After some hours , very long and non - peacefully hours , everything got a little quiet and finally I could get some rest . This whole madness drove me crazy . I was lost in my thoughts without noticing what my relatives were doing . I was thinking about all that happened . The red cross , the pain and all that blood , god , no one would ever believe me if I talked about all that . I couldn 't get what was all those . . . weird things that happened back there . I felt some movement close to me and I flinch a little . " Shh . . . It 's okay sweetie , it 's me , daddy " , with all that thinking I had forgot about my dad . He had come from his work the moment my mother called him from the hospital . He had dropped whatever they were doing in his job and came immediately . Hell , he have even fight with the doctors and the policemen . I think that he might even punch some of them . I was glad they didn 't arrest him for that . He moved and sit on the bed next to me . My mother came and sat next to me from the other site , making me feel like a sandwich . She started touching my hair and giving me sweet kisses on my forehead . After a while I felt me father moving his weight and then his hand went to his back pocket . He then brought his hand forward and tended it to me . There was an old yellow brown envelope in his palm . I looked at him with question . " It 's yours . I found it in our post box when I passed from our house to take some things your mother told me to . It 's for you " , I tended my hand and took the envelope . Everyone in the room , even the doctors and the policemen that were on the door 's frame , moved closer to me looking at it with wonder . I felt something heavy on my legs and found Maria sitting next to them facing me and the envelope with fear and scruple . I moved my gaze back to the envelope . I read the dates that was written on it . It said that it was given to the Hellenic Post Office on 23rd of September on 2000 , that 's almost thirteen years back . There wasn 't any name for the one who post , it said only that it came from the U . S . A . . There was also my name and a note that the letter must be given to me on 24th of March of 2013 . I tried to open the envelope but ended ripping it in the back . Damn , that glue was hard for sure ! I pushed my hand inside and took out two pieces of paper . The one was folded in the middle while the other seemed to be something like a ticket . I look at it better and indeed it was a real air ticket . It wrote Turkish Airways Tickets . There wasn 't any date written on the flight information box , it was blank with a small black star which lead you to a note that said this ticket was bound to be used whenever the user wanted to . My head started hurting as more questions started popping in my head . Who sent me that ? Why from America ? And why should I go to Turkey ? I decided that there must be some king of an answer in the folded piece of paper . It was yellow , probably from the amount of time that has passed . I unfolded it and move it closer to me not wanting anyone else to read it before me . Under that there were some instructions on where I should go and what to do . I would fly to Constantinople , also known as Istanbul . It told me in what hotel I should stay and some other things . It wrote also that I had to go to Çatalca , a city and a rural district close to Istanbul , and that was because this small city was exactly the place that my grandmother 's family was chased away from . . . I placed my hands on the balcony 's metal bar while I was breathing in the magnificent night view of the city . All the lights of the high skyscrapers created a very ethereal feeling ; it remind me of some night photos I 'd seen from New Work , Shanghai or Miami . This was so not Miami though . This place was made out of futuristic stories , making it look like a sci - fi movie . A place where technology and luxury meets poverty and misery . Half of the city built with amazing skyscrapers , woman who wear whatever they want , everything just like a European or American everyday life city . Half f it stuck yet back in time with old Byzantium buildings , women who did not even got out of their houses and awful life conditions . The whole country was like this , some towns looking like what is normal for us , the citizens of the ' evolutionary world ' , and some others competing the ones in Africa or other ' poor and no evolutionary countries ' . They say that only those cities who belong to the European Turkey are the ones who have changed into a more present way , the ones which look like today 's world . I couldn 't believe that I had finally persuaded my parents to let me come here . We had fight so much over this subject the last two months . At first they didn 't want to let me come at all , then they wanted to come with me . Sometimes their over - protectiveness was getting on my nerves . I was eighteen years old and I had never went to a club or stay out ' too ' late , some things that were common in most teenagers in Greece . The only time that I went to a club was in one of our school dances few months before I turn eighteen and I could stay only till twelve o ' clock and they were the ones who dropped me and took me later . I was a really shame of a Greek teenager … . Of course they read the letter too . They didn 't like what it wrote and they had no idea of what everything meant . In the end we agreed on me coming here just for a couple of nights and then go back before Easter 's night . I had flown here tonight ; I would visit Çatalca tomorrow and the morning after I would fly back to Thessaloniki . I would be back two days before Easter , just in time . I breathed out heavily and moved my gaze up in the sky looking for the night 's most beautiful lights . I was searching for the stars but I couldn 't find any of them . What a shame . I missed my county 's sky immediately . You could always watch the stars in the night sky no matter where you were ; you could see them even in Athens , something weird because of the whole air pollution but then again , it 's Greece , a lot of wonderfully weird things can happen . I moved my gaze back down and turned around to go back to my room . I shut the French doors and moved around in the room opening bags and looking for those that I was going to need now and tomorrow . After a while when I had prepared everything I moved to the bed , I placed the letter on the nightstand and made myself comfortable . Even though the flight was really short I was feeling tired from all the things that had happened lately . Even the thought of what I might meet tomorrow made me feel tired . I tried to empty my head and relax . Something was telling me that tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day . I stepped out of the taxi and watch the place all around me . This part of the town was composed by half - demolished old houses from 1922 or before . I paid the taxi driver and moved around the old square . Few meters away I heard the taxi driver shouting at me " Maria , more money " in Greek . I rolled y eyes and kept moving forward . Yes , people from Turkey know some Greek too , usually those who have to attract tourists and in towns that are close to Greece . They might not know perfect Greek but they are enough if you want to communicate with them . They also have the bad habit of calling every Greek girl ' Maria ' , not all Greek women are called Maria , only forty five to fifty percent ! This one was trying to tell me that I had not paid him enough money , something that was not true since I had paid him a little bit more than his taxi meter taximeter had shown . Don 't get me wrong , not all Turkish people are like him , heck even in Greece some taxi drivers steal money like that from the poor naive tourists . I moved between the abandoned small roads . I was looking for my great - grandmother family 's house , an old two story old building . Back then having a big two story house was something that only the rich or fine economical people could have . And from what my grandmother told me it was some kind of new because it was built a little before our family had to leave forcefully . In 1920 - 1922 there was some kind of an agreement between Greece and Turkey of population exchange . All the Turkish must leave from Greece and all the Greeks except from the ones in Istanbul had to leave from Turkey . It was a real period of chaos . Thousands or even millions of immigrants moving from place to place to reach their home country which couldn 't accept them at all from all the war that was happening before . And not only that . Many Greek people were usually chased and dragged out of their houses in Turkey . Many of them were killed during their long trip to Greece . They had no belongings or food with them since they were allowed to take only what they could keep in their own hands . My great - grandmother 's father took only his shoe - maker machine since he was a Shoe merchant . Oh yeah , they were dark times . And unfortunately it weren 't the only ones . I turned and reached to an old building . I knew that some years ago my grandmother 's sister and sister - in - law came and visited it . They said that there was an old Turkish living here now . He seemed to be a family 's friend since he was always asking them how the family was and if everything was fine with my great - grandmother 's father . After the exchange many Turkish people tried to take care of the houses to keep them in good shape for the children of the Greeks that left hopping that one day they 'll be back . Some of them even kept in secret many golden belongings that belonged to the Greek families and tried to stop the army when they tried to destroy the houses and steal everything . They even took care of many Greek young children because their families were afraid that they couldn 't be able to survive . The Turkish was really kind people , their government and army was the problem . I stepped closer to the house . I was not sure if I should get inside or not . I didn 't know what to say . I started moving around it watching the windows for any sign of life in it . As made a whole circle and went back to the front part of the house I heard someone talking to me in Turkish . I turned and found an old man sitting in a chair in front of the house 's door . I stopped and looked at him . I didn 't remember him sitting there before . He was a little bit fat with a big grey moustache and smoking . He talked to me again but I had no idea what he was telling . Then I show him sighed and motioned for me to get closer . " Come my girl " , I heard him say in Greek . I walked to him . I passed through the small wooden door in the garden and close it behind me just like it was before . I stepped closer to him as I watched him watching me . " Are you from Greece my girl ? " , he asked me in Greek again . " Yes sir … " , I applied trying to seem as more polite as I could . " Are you from Joseph 's family ? " , he asked me again leaning towards me . " I am his daughter 's , Fotini , great - granddaughter " , I gulped and answered . I saw him smile at my response , a really heart warming smile . " Good , I 've been waiting almost eighty years for you " , he stand up and moved inside the house . " Don 't sit there honey , come , come " , he turned and called motioning with his hand for me . I stepped inside the house . I felt the wooden floor whined in my weight as I moved following him . The house was utterly amazing . I felt like I stepped back in time . The only things reminding me of the reality was a 90 's TV set and some other cables on the floor . " I 've been guarding them all those years for you to come and take them " , I saw him moving away from a wooden chest and coming closer to me . He leaned forward and offered it to me . A package . A very weird package . It seemed to be square like and it was wrapped with many white pieces of cloth . I took it in my hands , his weight making me gasp in surprise . I looked up at the old man 's eyes . They were shinning in happiness for a reason that I couldn 't understand . " Um … what … " I looked at the package and at him again not knowing what to do . He shook his head to me in motion that told me to open it . I gulped and looked the package . I moved its whole weight on my left hand and tried to open it with my right . I unfolded the cloths , cut them and unwrapped them carefully . Soon I came face to face with a book . A really big book . It reminded me of the Evangel ( Gospel ) Book that they use in the orthodox Christian ceremonies . Its cover 's gold surface was decorated with red jewels and some weird floral designs . I didn 't mind them much ; this wasn 't the time to check on them in detail , I could do it later in the safe of my room till the time for me to fly back . I moved my gaze to something else . There was a smaller one package there too . I looked at the old man . He moved his head to go ahead . I reached a small coffee table close to me and placed the whole package there . I leaned and took the small one in my hands and started unwrapping it . As I was taking of and the last piece of cloth all around it I found myself keeping a big cross in my hand . It was all made by scarlet , almost blood like , jewels and some silver . There was a long silver chain in there too . I took a better look in the cross . Some of the jewels were bigger than the others and the biggest of them was placed in the center of it . It seemed so weird . It was just an object , nothing mush , just a big weird cross but I would swear that there was something else too . It felt like it was alive … So cold and yet warm enough . I concentrated most on the jewels . They really did seemed like they were made by blood … " Well … I would love you to stay but you better get going . It 's going to rain soon and if I was you I would like to be in my warm room being surrounded by my own things " , he moved closer to me placing his hand on my shoulder . I leaned and took the book . I went to place the cross in it and cover it again but he stopped me . " You better wear that on your neck . It belongs to you now . I am sorry I can 't explain anything but believe me it 's for the best of both of us " . I looked at him in the eyes looking for all that he was hiding from me . He knew more but for some reason he didn 't tell me and that was for sure . His eyes were betraying him but they showed also care . I decide to let it go . I wore the cross wrapping many time its chain around my neck . I took the book , wrapped the cloths around it again and started moving to the door . Once we were out he stopped me and turned to face him . " I am really sorry for not helping you mare . Those were my instructions though . " I looked at him with question . " Instructions ? " . I saw a smile appearing under his big moustache . " Your great - grandmother 's father . Believe me , I do know some more things , mostly about him and his family , your family , but they are nothing in front of what you might learn from that book . From your whole journey in this world . I do know some things but they are not enough to help you as much I would love to " , he patted my shoulder smiling with understanding . I kept looking at him with question pleading him to tell me more , even the little few things he knew . " What is your name my daughter ? " , he asked me politely . " Sofia " , I answered in a hoarse voice . " Good . A good name for a smart girl . It comes from God 's knowledge . Very suitable . Now , Sofia , listen to me . No matter what happens you must not anyone but your family and try to keep all of your friends close . There are going to be many people , lots of people trying to kill you or take what you 'll find away . Don 't let them do that and don 't even hesitate to kill if it needs . You are a fighter , I know that . This is not some joke . It 's truth . It 's life . Unfortunately you come from a very good and powerful family that everyone was trying to get rid of since ancient times . And they almost managed it in the past . Don 't let them do that . You have to go now . God bless you and I bless you . Go before - Agh ! " he shouted in pain as he got shot many time in his chest . I dropped to the floor bringing one of my hands close to my head trying to protect myself from all the stray bullets while holding with the other the package close to my heart . I couldn 't believe what was happening . I turned my face to look at the old man . I saw his mouth moving while his soul was leaving his poor body . " T - the b - back door ! N - now please ! R - run ! D - don 't look back ! " . I nodded with tears threatening to fall of my eyes and get up . I kept my body leaned down while I ran in the house . I crossed the old living room and head to what it seemed to be the kitchen . I felt the old wooden floor whining in protest while I kept being surrounded by unknown bullets flying everywhere . I opened the small wooden door and got in the back yard . I sprinted and jumped the half ruined wooden fence . I felt presences behind but didn 't look back . I kept running in the dark alleys not looking to my family 's old house being destroyed … I started writing this one on wattpad too ( you 'll find it now on widbook too ) . It was my second story and the one that I decided to concentrate the most and I 've put it in priority . There is another one that belongs to my " priority list " . I started writing it on November of 2012 and it 's still ongoing . It has 6 chapters right now , soon chapter 7 will be up . It is my longest and biggest story . I think it will reach about 400 pages on a B4 book size . I have thought till now of three books for the series but I think there will be more . The second book will be called " Dark Past " and the third one " Dark Lovers " . The story follows Beth Willow as she transfer to Dark Falls Academy for her last year of high school . The reason of this transfer is her dead grandmother 's wish and order for Beth to get what her grand mother have left her in her will . The problem is that this school is for demons and witches and she cannot fit well because of her human nature . . . or she is not as human as she thinks ? ! The first book follows her adventure to discovering her family 's dark secrets and her true nature . She is facing many problems and dangers . From pissed of demons as classmates to dead ghosts , evil wizards , dark spirits and dirty old demons , life could be so much easier if not so many people didn 't want her dead or raped . . . I stood in front of the gate of Dark Falls Academy . The name was perfect for that place . It was dark , misty , cold and dangerous . It described perfect the whole place . You felt like something would come out from the bushes and eat you alive . It didn 't seem like school though . I mean come on ! Who would choose a name like that for a school ? ! And who would choose a place surrounded by the woods , full of graves and mist with old classic and baroque buildings for a high school ? ! I took a deep breath ; I fixed my backpack and started walking . A cold breeze of air messed my black hair and made me shiver . The mist was moving around me silently with grace like it wanted to protect me or drown me . I continued walking on the graveling road having fallen leaves dancing around my legs . As I stepped closer and closer to the main building I could see more and clearer of its surroundings . I could make little by little the baroque designs around the windows and doors frames . In front of the building there were marbling benches and big tables . There were rock pieces , that were two meters high , around the building that seemed to be the leftovers of an old high fence . And then there were the people . " What do you mean ? Is there any problem ? " I asked him concerned and curious . He leaned in front and put his crossed hands on his desk . He seemed like he was thinking of what to tell me . He was about to speak but I cut him before he could . " Why did you call me and not my mother ? And why now ? My grandmother has passed away two years now . So what does it matter me too ? " He opened his mouth to speak but he closed it again . I saw him frowned a little and then he spoke . " It does matter you . You see . . . Your grandmother has left most of her will to you " . I dropped my bag to the floor and my mouth was hanging opened . " B - but . . . Why ? I mean , what about my mother ? She - she is her daughter so she should get it all . . . I - I don 't get it ! " I lost it . Completely . " I know . That 's pretty rare . Please Miss Willow , calm down " . He looked at me for the first time in the eyes while moving his hands in a defense move that showed he tried to make me relax . " Well , the truth is no . Your grandmother had mentioned that we should read it for the first time when you 'd turn eighteen . She had her own reasons that not either I know . She didn 't tell me anything and I 'm sorry for the whole trouble " he had a sad look in his eyes . I didn 't like it . " Excuse me but . . . Apartments ? A villa ? A company ? Seriously ? " I looked at him with an hysteric look on my face and a raised eye brow . " Yes , there is a condition . She said that you 'll have to attend Dark Falls Academy for your last year in high school " . What ? I looked at him with wide eyes and an expression that seemed like a monster had just stolen my teddy bear . " Well . . . Let me explain you . Dark Falls Academy is a private high school . I couldn 't find any information about this school . I manage to get in touch with the current headmaster but he didn 't knew anything about that too . He found though a form which was filled eighteen years ago . Your grandmother had signed you up to this school since you were born . You 'll have to attend this academy and you 'll live in its dorms " . " Forget about it . Besides , I have already lost the first whole month . Is it possible for me to move there now ? I don 't think so " Here I am . Walking straight to my death ! It 's not the place that scares me . Ok , it is that too . But I can keep up with that one . What I can 't keep up with is the people . It always was the people . It was always difficult for me to get along with others . I didn 't even manage to get along with the students of my old school . Here it would not only be difficult but impossible . Not only are they going not to be friends with me , they won 't even accept my very own existence . I took a deep breath and tried to clear my Head . I had to calm down . Maybe it wouldn 't be that bad . Or maybe not . I kept walking to the building . The more close I was getting the more the number of eyes I was feeling on me increased . From where I was I could feel death glares of all the girls around me . They may be away but their eyes were showing their hatred . I passed near to some of the old fence 's rock pieces . There were a few boys sitting on them while some others were sitting on the ground . They were laughing but as soon as I stepped close to them they stopped and glared at me . Everyone all around was stopping what they were doing and watched me . Every one 's heads were moving along my way . Their glares followed my every move . There was one between those boys that was standing out . He was sitting on one or the big rock pieces and all the other boys where around him . He was gorgeous . Dead gorgeous . He had short black hair , his face was one of an angel and he wore black clothes just like most of the others here . I couldn 't see anything else about him from where I was . While the others were looking me approaching only when I passed next to them he turned and face me . His eyes were dark ; I would swear they were black . He looked at with hate and disgust . I shivered again and moved my eyes down . I could still his glare on my back killing me . All the eyes were killing me . Slow and torturously . " What a trash ! " I heard a girl saying while passing by a bunch of girls who were sitting on the benches . I put my hand tight around my body . I was feeling cold and exposed , not wanted . I finally made it to the building 's entrance . While I stepped inside one boy get away from his friends and came towards me . He almost fell on me on purpose and hissed at me . Another bunch of girls started laughing from the stairs . " It 's on the third floor in front of the dragon " I heard a female voice telling me from behind . I turned to face her but she was already away . I did saw though her black long dress and her black witch hat . That 's strange . I 'd swear it was crowded a few minutes ago . I stepped the stairs watching the place around me . After I got to the third floor I started searching for the dragon . I turned my head to the right and then to the left . I was in a big hall but there weren 't any dragon or any door neither a secretary 's desk . I turned around and looked up then . There was a black sculptured medieval dragon . It 's tail was connected with the beginning of the stairs . " Umm . . . Oh but . . . I don 't see any office here . . . " . He mention with his hand behind me . I turned around and face the painting again . It was a strange one that covered the whole wall up till up to the ceiling . The shades of the colors were all dark . There were no lights . It wasn 't something happy but neither something sad , even though it had a negative and depressing mood , it was something neutral . It had a designed wooden door , and all around there were things such as furniture , foods , books , bowls and plates etc . . . I would say it was modern art with a dark touch . He started walking towards the painting and the he pushed the door at the painting . I heard a metallic noise and the door 's creek . He opened the door and stepped inside . I followed him inside . The office was the opposite of everything here . It was full of light . The wooden furniture may be dark brown or black but all the light that skipped from the giant windows behind the desk made the whole place amazing . From the door to the office there giant book shelves to the left and the right that created a dark mysterious hall which leaded in front of the desk . There was nothing to the desk 's sides , there were only a few leather chairs . Everything made you feel something ethereal , something mystical . It was like you were in another century in the past . I felt like I was in a world of death and life , the middle world between earth and heaven . " This room used to be a secret library back in the 1940 . Of course this place is much older . The previously owner of this place was a rich scientist and literary . It was just a secret room till he came and turn into a place where he could read , study and experience in peace . It was a place where he could hide his treasures from the American Army . Unfortunately the Army killed him but they never found this place " , I turned to face him . He had a proud expression on his face . He was watching me the whole time watching the place . " Um , you said ' the previously headmaster ' , so that means you 're the second headmaster that has pass from this school ? I mean how many years did the previously one lived to be a headmaster here ? I don 't get it . . . " If the school was being operated since 1940 and had only two headmasters in that period of time then how old did they work here ? " I used to be one of his students . Then I became a professor and seventeen years ago I became Headmaster . I know about you . Your grandmother had made a convention with him . But unfortunately I have no idea why . They made it a year before he died and till yesterday no one knew about your coming . I talked with your family 's lawyer . I didn 't believe him at first but then I found some of the previous headmaster 's papers and changed my mind . He wanted you to come for a reason . Your grandmother wanted you to come here . And here you are ! " he moved both his hands towards my way . " No , you 'll have to stay ! You may be different the deal is a deal and since both of them wanted you to study here you 'll have to stay ! " he seemed worried for me . I couldn 't keep it anymore . I had to blurted out now ! " You got a problem with the new student Headmaster ? " I heard a dark , male voice saying . We both turned our heads the way the voice was coming . " Seb what are you doing here ? " the headmaster asked . I saw a dark figure coming towards us from the giant bookshelves . When he was a few meters away I looked at him and frozen ! It was the boy who was sitting on the high broken wall . He looked at me with a disgusted look again . " I thought I should pass by and meet the new student " he answered him smirking . " Seb , I want the truth ! " . The boy exhale and turned his gaze at me again and then faced the headmaster again . " Professor Mira send me here . She said you should punish me " he didn 't smirk this time . Indeed he seemed sad . " I know everything you know Beth Willow . Seb will show your room and we 'll meet tomorrow after your classes to answer some of your questions . If you need anything you can ask your professors or come and see me . You know where to find me " he smiled at me with such joy in his eyes . " Fine " finally Seb snapped . He turned around and started walking . " Her room is the empty one next to yours " the headmaster told him . Seb stopped walking and turned around . " There is no empty room next to mine " he said with a dull tone in his voice . " Yes there is . The locked one is Beth 's since long ago . Here are the keys " he threw him large bunch of keys and Seb caught them in the air . " And Seb . Behave ! " he mentioned to him last . We got out of the main building and then we turned right . He started walking faster and I was trying to catch up on him with o big success . He then went towards a cemetery . He chuckled again and I swear if it wasn 't for his good looks I would have killed him and buried him immediately . He continued his chuckling the whole time till we got out of the cemetery . I believe the reasons were my clumsiness , I almost fell many times , and my fear , when I stepped on a grave and I was terrified that the dead would come out and eat me . Finally we made it outside of a big building . Actually it was a very , very big old mansion . It was even bigger than the main building that we were before . I must have been staying there starring with my mouth opened for lot of time ' cause Mr . Dark over there told me to close my mouth or else the dead might think I 'm some kind of a zombie . Very clever ! I just rolled up my eyes and continued following him . The mansion had three floors too , just like the main building . We got to the last floor and head to the east side of the building . While we were walking I decided to learn a few things for him . " Why ? He is a great character ! Even though he was a totally ass in the movies . I mean you look alike him but not on the outside . And how did you even knew I was thinking about that ? ! " He then turned around and continue walking fast . I rushed after him . " Hey ! You didn 't answer my question ! " . He stopped again and faced me . " What question ? " he looked at me in the eyes while his own ones were full of anger and hatred . " You know . . . About your real name . . . " I saw a small flash of pain in his eyes but he turned around again and I couldn 't see his eyes anymore . " Sebastian " I heard him murmured . " What ? " I asked him trying to catch what he said . " I said Sebastian ! My name is Sebastian , got it now ? " . My eyes popped out of my head . He was angry . Monsterous angry . I didn 't even know why ? We made it to the end of the hallway . He stepped outside the last door . This one was different from the others . It seemed more artistic . It had more sculptured designs and many metal locks . He took out of his pocket the bunch of keys and started to try to unlock all those locks . I watched him carefully . Then there was only silence . . . It was a very sad silence . He continued unlocking the door while I was looking to the ground . A few moments passed . A few moments full of silence and nothing else . Until he decided to change it . " I can 't " . Which was the truth . I heard a metal click . He stopped unlocking the door and open it . He then turned around and started leaving . I watch his back while he was getting away . I shook my head to wake up my mind . I 'm not gonna cry because of a mean jerk , or because the whole school hates me . . . I turned and pushed the door to open more . I stepped inside the dark room . There was a small light away across me , I moved there to and found that it was coming from a closed window at the wall in front of me . I went there and tried to open it . After a few minutes of pushing and pulling it opened and then I pushed the wooden blinds . The faded light rushed in the room immediately . The room was quite large . You 'd think that dorm rooms can 't be that big . Three people could share that room . It looked like it hadn 't been used for years . There was dust everywhere . Everything had a grey color because of the thick bed of dust instead of their true colors . The sheets that covered most of the furniture had turned from whit to yellow . I opened more the window to let the fresh air get in the room . The air 's strong breeze made the long white curtains dance around me and the white sheets to come back to life . I walked to the bed , it was the only one that wasn 't covered with a sheet . I let my bag fell on it and then I collapsed there too . A cloud of dust started flying around me and I started coughing and moving my hands to take it away of my face . When the dust set down i notice there was an envelope on the bed next to my left hand . I shifted forward to take it and looked at it . It was from old paper like the one they used to make the newspapers in the past . I turned it around and notice there was my name written with calligraphic characters in its front side . I opened the envelope and took out a light violet piece or hard paper and read it . I know that right now you 'll have lots of questions . Is really bad that I can 't be with you right now to answer every one of them . It had to be like that . There are so many things that you don 't know about Dark Falls Academy , about your future life , about your past . Dark Falls Academy is not a common school . Everyone here is not human . They believe that you 're human but you are not . You are just like them and even more ! P . S . Inside the envelope you 'll find a necklace that will keep your thoughts safe . You 'll have to wear it always ! Don 't take it off ever ! You 'll learn too how to read the thoughts soon . |
And it might not be right to say that I knew how she felt but I do . I used to be depressed a lot , I am still sometimes now and it may be hard but I did try to cut desperately my wrists sometimes in the past but I didn 't . I didn 't because in the end I decided it wasn 't worth of it , it wasn 't worth to hurt myself for what some others did to me . I know that the reason of my depression was that I used to be bullied for six years and it was awful . It took me six years to understand what was wrong and that it wasn 't me . Two years ago I decided to change my way of thinking and become a better person for myself . Now , eight years later , I am feeling much better . I may be depressed sometimes but is better than before . At least now I don 't need to take some medicine to make me happy . XD And to Cassie 's boyfriend , Tristan , I know you are mad and I wish I could tell you sweet words just like everyone else did . I wish I could tell you that I know how you feel but I don 't think I can . I didn 't lose someone that I love recently like you and it 's been a lot of years since someone that I love died , too many that I was too young to remember . What I know is the fear of losing your home from fire , the fear of losing someone you love from crazy people or from a car accident and the fear of losing your own life . I wish to you , Tristan , to never feel that kind of pain again . To never happen to you again what happened and to never feel the fear of losing someone or something that you love . But most of all I wish you to never lose yourself and your life . I started writing this one about a couple of months ago . I first posted it on wattpad and later on widbook where it became one of the most popular stories . I was asked for an illustration from a member of widbook creators team so that they would put it in their site 's homepage . Few days later it was named as the e - book of the week and I was asked for an interview so that it would be put in their site 's blog and media . This is my other story on priority for writing and you can understand now the reason . . . In our story Vampires has a very big role since they exist in our current world and they live hidden between humans . The story will be some kind of funny as our heroine will struggle to not get burned by the Church 's ( Both Catholic and Orthodox ) and not to get killed my the Vampires too ! The funny part is the Vampires and Church are at some kind of a war too , so you can imagine what is going to be like , a real hell ! " Happy birthday ! " , I heard my father whisper to my ear while he moved his hands down my blanket to hug me . He kissed my head and then my cheek . " Time to wake up birthday girl " , and with that he moved his hands to my stomach and started tickling me . " Dad - ha ha … Dad stop ! . . . Ha ha … I - I 'm awake stop ! " , with that he stopped , pet my head and got up . " Breakfast is ready " , he got out the room and left the door opened to come some light in . I pulled my blanket up my head and wrapped my around my legs close to my chest just like in its mother 's womb . It was so warm under there that I didn 't want to get out . Too bad that I needed to get up . I pushed my blanket and stuffed animals of me and moved of my cozy bed . I moved out of the room and went straight to the living room to meet my parents . My father was wearing his jacket and kissed my mother . Normally no one worked on Sundays , but a beer 's factory needed some machines in order to produce a new kind of beer with lemon and my dad had to work during the whole weekend to make them . He had also to work tomorrow , even though it was a national celebration . " Bye dad " , moved my hand up to good bye him . " Happy birthday my love ! Come here " , he opened her arms for me and hugged me tight , that wasn 't something we did usually , my mum wasn 't the hugging type of a person . " Oh baby … You 've grown up so much . You are an adult now …” , she continued stroking my back for a little and then she left me . " I 'll warm some milk , will you wake up Maria ? " , she asked me while she was walking towards the kitchen with her back facing me . " Ok " , I went back to my bedroom to wake up my little sister . I climbed the stairs of her bed and leaned up of her head . " Maria wake up ! " , I called her name many times and told her to get up but nothing . Geez ! How much can that child sleep ! She 's always hard to wake up . She doesn 't wake up no matter how much noise you may make ! That is why I always ended teasing and tickling her and that 's exactly what I did . " Mmm … mm … " , I saw her moving and hiding herself under her blanket . " Stop complaining and get up sleepy one ! Mum is making breakfast … " , I continued teasing her . " Nooooo … I don 't want to ! What time is it ? " I rolled up my eyes . " Eight and a half " , I told her still tickling her . " I won 't wake up ! It 's not twelve o ' clock ! " " Maria ! Get up now ! " , her act was starting getting on my nerves . " Nooooo ! Why ? " , she wined like a cranky cat . " Because mum said so ! Now get up ! " , I tried to pull her out of bed . " Maria ! Get up now ! You have to study for your English lessons ! " , I heard my mother shouting from the kitchen . " Mmm … Why ! I wanna sleep … " " Maria get up ! You 've been sleeping since ten and thirty while all of us we have sleep only for a few hours . Get up ! Milk is ready ! " " Ooh ! Why you never let me sleep ! " , and with that she got up and went straight to the bathroom . That kid never stops complaining about sleeping . I got down her bed and went to the kitchen to eat my breakfast . Soon Maria came to eat her own . After finishing it I went to change to my clothes and got out to buy a newspaper . Then I went back home and helped my mum to clean up the house . Tonight the whole family , my mother 's sisters and parents and my dad 's parents , would come to see me blow my 18th candles . After cleaning up the whole house , we ate lunch and I study a little bit for my school and my Physics lessons . As student we don 't have only to go to school during morning but to do also some extra lessons in private Education Organizations for some of our school lessons or for a foreign language in order to give for a language certificate . We all had to have lower in English or upper and some other in a second language such as French or German . Somewhere around three and a half I had to get out to buy some things my mum needed for the night . We were living next to our town 's main church and every hour during the day time only the bells were singing to remind us what time is it . I was passing by the church 's yard returning home when the bells rang four in the afternoon . That was the exact time that I was born … and the exact time my life changed , not only because I was becoming an adult , but because a curse was breaking and a miracle was coming back to life … I heard the bells singing the rhythm of four o ' clock they used everyday , but it wasn 't a sing to me this time . The exact moment the bells started their happy rhythm I felt my whole body going numb and then an uncontrollable rush of pain took over my body . The shopping bags fell of my arms and I fell on my knees wrapping my hands around my body panting . I felt my whole body on fire and my vision was starting blurring . I looked up at the red cross in the church 's roof to pray to God for help . Indeed , I found it sparking and throwing red sparkles that were dancing in the air till they meet the ground . Soon there were so many scattered on the ground that it seem like it was on fire . I looked up in the sky to found it dark , with many black clouds cycling the place up of me . There was sun everywhere except for the church where the dark clouds were creating a cyclone eye . The wind got worse and the trees around my started moving violently by its force . Back to me , the pain didn 't stop , on the contrary it got worse and I started hallucinating . I started watching blood everywhere around me . I saw blood running down the church 's stairs or from the trees , I saw the blood moving towards me while I felt blood coming of me too . Blood was running from my eyes down my face , my hands and my legs too were covered in blood while the other around hadn 't even touch me . I felt my neck burning and my heart was beating so fast that it hurt . I saw the blood that was coming towards me to get up and start its death dance around me so much grace . Like a miracle taken from the fairy tales where the forest fairies could make the water dance around them in different shapes and forms just like that it dance all around me , cycling me , covering me and eating me . That 's when I felt like something inside me broke in thousand little pieces , and soon , the darkness possessed me … I woke in the sound of my name being called many times . I opened my eyes to find my mum next to me trying to touch while the policemen were dragging her away . I saw my little sister sitting in a corner away from everyone with her legs up her chest , hands wrapped around them and her head leaned between them . There were more policemen around me checking the whole place but no one seemed to notice that I was now awake . I tried to get up but ended as a failure . A policeman close to me though notice my little attempt and ran to me shouting to the others . My mum stopped struggle to get free from the policemen 's grip and they let her go with clear shock on their faces . My mother rushed over me and took me in her arms . There was panic everywhere , people running up and down shouting . I saw Maria 's face moving up meeting my sight , she unfolded herself and tried to move towards me . I felt my mother 's breath on my neck and something water like to fall on my skin while I felt myself being stroked . More cries . More shouts . More panic . After some time an ambulance came and took me to the nearest emergency hospital . Time passed with exams , check ups and crazy doctors running all over the hallway . Shouting , cursing , swearing . Panic and craziness everywhere . The funny part is that I never understood the whole thing . I never got why everyone acted like that . I was fine . Totally fine . Well , I was a little bit of tired but after that there was nothing else . I had no scars , no injuries , no broken bones , and I was not raped . The policemen were scratching their heads all the time not understanding . They couldn 't believe how I had nothing while they had found me in a massive pool of blood . They assured the doctors that I was almost dead back there . Both of them , doctors and policemen , were fighting all the time on what was really going on . I wish I could explain to them too , but I had no idea too . What could I tell them ? That I saw blood dancing everywhere ? The worst part is that my whole family was here . Perfect ! I just destroyed my eighteenth birthday ! I just destroyed their happiness ! They have been waited for this moment for a long time ago . . . It hurt me deep to see them like that . Worried , afraid , terrified , angry and most of all , lost . They couldn 't believe that something like that . Just like every family they were praying and fear for the family 's children not get attacked ever in their life . Their fear came true , even though it wasn 't really true , well , because I wasn 't attacked at all . After some hours , very long and non - peacefully hours , everything got a little quiet and finally I could get some rest . This whole madness drove me crazy . I was lost in my thoughts without noticing what my relatives were doing . I was thinking about all that happened . The red cross , the pain and all that blood , god , no one would ever believe me if I talked about all that . I couldn 't get what was all those . . . weird things that happened back there . I felt some movement close to me and I flinch a little . " Shh . . . It 's okay sweetie , it 's me , daddy " , with all that thinking I had forgot about my dad . He had come from his work the moment my mother called him from the hospital . He had dropped whatever they were doing in his job and came immediately . Hell , he have even fight with the doctors and the policemen . I think that he might even punch some of them . I was glad they didn 't arrest him for that . He moved and sit on the bed next to me . My mother came and sat next to me from the other site , making me feel like a sandwich . She started touching my hair and giving me sweet kisses on my forehead . After a while I felt me father moving his weight and then his hand went to his back pocket . He then brought his hand forward and tended it to me . There was an old yellow brown envelope in his palm . I looked at him with question . " It 's yours . I found it in our post box when I passed from our house to take some things your mother told me to . It 's for you " , I tended my hand and took the envelope . Everyone in the room , even the doctors and the policemen that were on the door 's frame , moved closer to me looking at it with wonder . I felt something heavy on my legs and found Maria sitting next to them facing me and the envelope with fear and scruple . I moved my gaze back to the envelope . I read the dates that was written on it . It said that it was given to the Hellenic Post Office on 23rd of September on 2000 , that 's almost thirteen years back . There wasn 't any name for the one who post , it said only that it came from the U . S . A . . There was also my name and a note that the letter must be given to me on 24th of March of 2013 . I tried to open the envelope but ended ripping it in the back . Damn , that glue was hard for sure ! I pushed my hand inside and took out two pieces of paper . The one was folded in the middle while the other seemed to be something like a ticket . I look at it better and indeed it was a real air ticket . It wrote Turkish Airways Tickets . There wasn 't any date written on the flight information box , it was blank with a small black star which lead you to a note that said this ticket was bound to be used whenever the user wanted to . My head started hurting as more questions started popping in my head . Who sent me that ? Why from America ? And why should I go to Turkey ? I decided that there must be some king of an answer in the folded piece of paper . It was yellow , probably from the amount of time that has passed . I unfolded it and move it closer to me not wanting anyone else to read it before me . Under that there were some instructions on where I should go and what to do . I would fly to Constantinople , also known as Istanbul . It told me in what hotel I should stay and some other things . It wrote also that I had to go to Çatalca , a city and a rural district close to Istanbul , and that was because this small city was exactly the place that my grandmother 's family was chased away from . . . I placed my hands on the balcony 's metal bar while I was breathing in the magnificent night view of the city . All the lights of the high skyscrapers created a very ethereal feeling ; it remind me of some night photos I 'd seen from New Work , Shanghai or Miami . This was so not Miami though . This place was made out of futuristic stories , making it look like a sci - fi movie . A place where technology and luxury meets poverty and misery . Half of the city built with amazing skyscrapers , woman who wear whatever they want , everything just like a European or American everyday life city . Half f it stuck yet back in time with old Byzantium buildings , women who did not even got out of their houses and awful life conditions . The whole country was like this , some towns looking like what is normal for us , the citizens of the ' evolutionary world ' , and some others competing the ones in Africa or other ' poor and no evolutionary countries ' . They say that only those cities who belong to the European Turkey are the ones who have changed into a more present way , the ones which look like today 's world . I couldn 't believe that I had finally persuaded my parents to let me come here . We had fight so much over this subject the last two months . At first they didn 't want to let me come at all , then they wanted to come with me . Sometimes their over - protectiveness was getting on my nerves . I was eighteen years old and I had never went to a club or stay out ' too ' late , some things that were common in most teenagers in Greece . The only time that I went to a club was in one of our school dances few months before I turn eighteen and I could stay only till twelve o ' clock and they were the ones who dropped me and took me later . I was a really shame of a Greek teenager … . Of course they read the letter too . They didn 't like what it wrote and they had no idea of what everything meant . In the end we agreed on me coming here just for a couple of nights and then go back before Easter 's night . I had flown here tonight ; I would visit Çatalca tomorrow and the morning after I would fly back to Thessaloniki . I would be back two days before Easter , just in time . I breathed out heavily and moved my gaze up in the sky looking for the night 's most beautiful lights . I was searching for the stars but I couldn 't find any of them . What a shame . I missed my county 's sky immediately . You could always watch the stars in the night sky no matter where you were ; you could see them even in Athens , something weird because of the whole air pollution but then again , it 's Greece , a lot of wonderfully weird things can happen . I moved my gaze back down and turned around to go back to my room . I shut the French doors and moved around in the room opening bags and looking for those that I was going to need now and tomorrow . After a while when I had prepared everything I moved to the bed , I placed the letter on the nightstand and made myself comfortable . Even though the flight was really short I was feeling tired from all the things that had happened lately . Even the thought of what I might meet tomorrow made me feel tired . I tried to empty my head and relax . Something was telling me that tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day . I stepped out of the taxi and watch the place all around me . This part of the town was composed by half - demolished old houses from 1922 or before . I paid the taxi driver and moved around the old square . Few meters away I heard the taxi driver shouting at me " Maria , more money " in Greek . I rolled y eyes and kept moving forward . Yes , people from Turkey know some Greek too , usually those who have to attract tourists and in towns that are close to Greece . They might not know perfect Greek but they are enough if you want to communicate with them . They also have the bad habit of calling every Greek girl ' Maria ' , not all Greek women are called Maria , only forty five to fifty percent ! This one was trying to tell me that I had not paid him enough money , something that was not true since I had paid him a little bit more than his taxi meter taximeter had shown . Don 't get me wrong , not all Turkish people are like him , heck even in Greece some taxi drivers steal money like that from the poor naive tourists . I moved between the abandoned small roads . I was looking for my great - grandmother family 's house , an old two story old building . Back then having a big two story house was something that only the rich or fine economical people could have . And from what my grandmother told me it was some kind of new because it was built a little before our family had to leave forcefully . In 1920 - 1922 there was some kind of an agreement between Greece and Turkey of population exchange . All the Turkish must leave from Greece and all the Greeks except from the ones in Istanbul had to leave from Turkey . It was a real period of chaos . Thousands or even millions of immigrants moving from place to place to reach their home country which couldn 't accept them at all from all the war that was happening before . And not only that . Many Greek people were usually chased and dragged out of their houses in Turkey . Many of them were killed during their long trip to Greece . They had no belongings or food with them since they were allowed to take only what they could keep in their own hands . My great - grandmother 's father took only his shoe - maker machine since he was a Shoe merchant . Oh yeah , they were dark times . And unfortunately it weren 't the only ones . I turned and reached to an old building . I knew that some years ago my grandmother 's sister and sister - in - law came and visited it . They said that there was an old Turkish living here now . He seemed to be a family 's friend since he was always asking them how the family was and if everything was fine with my great - grandmother 's father . After the exchange many Turkish people tried to take care of the houses to keep them in good shape for the children of the Greeks that left hopping that one day they 'll be back . Some of them even kept in secret many golden belongings that belonged to the Greek families and tried to stop the army when they tried to destroy the houses and steal everything . They even took care of many Greek young children because their families were afraid that they couldn 't be able to survive . The Turkish was really kind people , their government and army was the problem . I stepped closer to the house . I was not sure if I should get inside or not . I didn 't know what to say . I started moving around it watching the windows for any sign of life in it . As made a whole circle and went back to the front part of the house I heard someone talking to me in Turkish . I turned and found an old man sitting in a chair in front of the house 's door . I stopped and looked at him . I didn 't remember him sitting there before . He was a little bit fat with a big grey moustache and smoking . He talked to me again but I had no idea what he was telling . Then I show him sighed and motioned for me to get closer . " Come my girl " , I heard him say in Greek . I walked to him . I passed through the small wooden door in the garden and close it behind me just like it was before . I stepped closer to him as I watched him watching me . " Are you from Greece my girl ? " , he asked me in Greek again . " Yes sir … " , I applied trying to seem as more polite as I could . " Are you from Joseph 's family ? " , he asked me again leaning towards me . " I am his daughter 's , Fotini , great - granddaughter " , I gulped and answered . I saw him smile at my response , a really heart warming smile . " Good , I 've been waiting almost eighty years for you " , he stand up and moved inside the house . " Don 't sit there honey , come , come " , he turned and called motioning with his hand for me . I stepped inside the house . I felt the wooden floor whined in my weight as I moved following him . The house was utterly amazing . I felt like I stepped back in time . The only things reminding me of the reality was a 90 's TV set and some other cables on the floor . " I 've been guarding them all those years for you to come and take them " , I saw him moving away from a wooden chest and coming closer to me . He leaned forward and offered it to me . A package . A very weird package . It seemed to be square like and it was wrapped with many white pieces of cloth . I took it in my hands , his weight making me gasp in surprise . I looked up at the old man 's eyes . They were shinning in happiness for a reason that I couldn 't understand . " Um … what … " I looked at the package and at him again not knowing what to do . He shook his head to me in motion that told me to open it . I gulped and looked the package . I moved its whole weight on my left hand and tried to open it with my right . I unfolded the cloths , cut them and unwrapped them carefully . Soon I came face to face with a book . A really big book . It reminded me of the Evangel ( Gospel ) Book that they use in the orthodox Christian ceremonies . Its cover 's gold surface was decorated with red jewels and some weird floral designs . I didn 't mind them much ; this wasn 't the time to check on them in detail , I could do it later in the safe of my room till the time for me to fly back . I moved my gaze to something else . There was a smaller one package there too . I looked at the old man . He moved his head to go ahead . I reached a small coffee table close to me and placed the whole package there . I leaned and took the small one in my hands and started unwrapping it . As I was taking of and the last piece of cloth all around it I found myself keeping a big cross in my hand . It was all made by scarlet , almost blood like , jewels and some silver . There was a long silver chain in there too . I took a better look in the cross . Some of the jewels were bigger than the others and the biggest of them was placed in the center of it . It seemed so weird . It was just an object , nothing mush , just a big weird cross but I would swear that there was something else too . It felt like it was alive … So cold and yet warm enough . I concentrated most on the jewels . They really did seemed like they were made by blood … " Well … I would love you to stay but you better get going . It 's going to rain soon and if I was you I would like to be in my warm room being surrounded by my own things " , he moved closer to me placing his hand on my shoulder . I leaned and took the book . I went to place the cross in it and cover it again but he stopped me . " You better wear that on your neck . It belongs to you now . I am sorry I can 't explain anything but believe me it 's for the best of both of us " . I looked at him in the eyes looking for all that he was hiding from me . He knew more but for some reason he didn 't tell me and that was for sure . His eyes were betraying him but they showed also care . I decide to let it go . I wore the cross wrapping many time its chain around my neck . I took the book , wrapped the cloths around it again and started moving to the door . Once we were out he stopped me and turned to face him . " I am really sorry for not helping you mare . Those were my instructions though . " I looked at him with question . " Instructions ? " . I saw a smile appearing under his big moustache . " Your great - grandmother 's father . Believe me , I do know some more things , mostly about him and his family , your family , but they are nothing in front of what you might learn from that book . From your whole journey in this world . I do know some things but they are not enough to help you as much I would love to " , he patted my shoulder smiling with understanding . I kept looking at him with question pleading him to tell me more , even the little few things he knew . " What is your name my daughter ? " , he asked me politely . " Sofia " , I answered in a hoarse voice . " Good . A good name for a smart girl . It comes from God 's knowledge . Very suitable . Now , Sofia , listen to me . No matter what happens you must not anyone but your family and try to keep all of your friends close . There are going to be many people , lots of people trying to kill you or take what you 'll find away . Don 't let them do that and don 't even hesitate to kill if it needs . You are a fighter , I know that . This is not some joke . It 's truth . It 's life . Unfortunately you come from a very good and powerful family that everyone was trying to get rid of since ancient times . And they almost managed it in the past . Don 't let them do that . You have to go now . God bless you and I bless you . Go before - Agh ! " he shouted in pain as he got shot many time in his chest . I dropped to the floor bringing one of my hands close to my head trying to protect myself from all the stray bullets while holding with the other the package close to my heart . I couldn 't believe what was happening . I turned my face to look at the old man . I saw his mouth moving while his soul was leaving his poor body . " T - the b - back door ! N - now please ! R - run ! D - don 't look back ! " . I nodded with tears threatening to fall of my eyes and get up . I kept my body leaned down while I ran in the house . I crossed the old living room and head to what it seemed to be the kitchen . I felt the old wooden floor whining in protest while I kept being surrounded by unknown bullets flying everywhere . I opened the small wooden door and got in the back yard . I sprinted and jumped the half ruined wooden fence . I felt presences behind but didn 't look back . I kept running in the dark alleys not looking to my family 's old house being destroyed … I started writing this one on wattpad too ( you 'll find it now on widbook too ) . It was my second story and the one that I decided to concentrate the most and I 've put it in priority . There is another one that belongs to my " priority list " . I started writing it on November of 2012 and it 's still ongoing . It has 6 chapters right now , soon chapter 7 will be up . It is my longest and biggest story . I think it will reach about 400 pages on a B4 book size . I have thought till now of three books for the series but I think there will be more . The second book will be called " Dark Past " and the third one " Dark Lovers " . The story follows Beth Willow as she transfer to Dark Falls Academy for her last year of high school . The reason of this transfer is her dead grandmother 's wish and order for Beth to get what her grand mother have left her in her will . The problem is that this school is for demons and witches and she cannot fit well because of her human nature . . . or she is not as human as she thinks ? ! The first book follows her adventure to discovering her family 's dark secrets and her true nature . She is facing many problems and dangers . From pissed of demons as classmates to dead ghosts , evil wizards , dark spirits and dirty old demons , life could be so much easier if not so many people didn 't want her dead or raped . . . I stood in front of the gate of Dark Falls Academy . The name was perfect for that place . It was dark , misty , cold and dangerous . It described perfect the whole place . You felt like something would come out from the bushes and eat you alive . It didn 't seem like school though . I mean come on ! Who would choose a name like that for a school ? ! And who would choose a place surrounded by the woods , full of graves and mist with old classic and baroque buildings for a high school ? ! I took a deep breath ; I fixed my backpack and started walking . A cold breeze of air messed my black hair and made me shiver . The mist was moving around me silently with grace like it wanted to protect me or drown me . I continued walking on the graveling road having fallen leaves dancing around my legs . As I stepped closer and closer to the main building I could see more and clearer of its surroundings . I could make little by little the baroque designs around the windows and doors frames . In front of the building there were marbling benches and big tables . There were rock pieces , that were two meters high , around the building that seemed to be the leftovers of an old high fence . And then there were the people . " What do you mean ? Is there any problem ? " I asked him concerned and curious . He leaned in front and put his crossed hands on his desk . He seemed like he was thinking of what to tell me . He was about to speak but I cut him before he could . " Why did you call me and not my mother ? And why now ? My grandmother has passed away two years now . So what does it matter me too ? " He opened his mouth to speak but he closed it again . I saw him frowned a little and then he spoke . " It does matter you . You see . . . Your grandmother has left most of her will to you " . I dropped my bag to the floor and my mouth was hanging opened . " B - but . . . Why ? I mean , what about my mother ? She - she is her daughter so she should get it all . . . I - I don 't get it ! " I lost it . Completely . " I know . That 's pretty rare . Please Miss Willow , calm down " . He looked at me for the first time in the eyes while moving his hands in a defense move that showed he tried to make me relax . " Well , the truth is no . Your grandmother had mentioned that we should read it for the first time when you 'd turn eighteen . She had her own reasons that not either I know . She didn 't tell me anything and I 'm sorry for the whole trouble " he had a sad look in his eyes . I didn 't like it . " Excuse me but . . . Apartments ? A villa ? A company ? Seriously ? " I looked at him with an hysteric look on my face and a raised eye brow . " Yes , there is a condition . She said that you 'll have to attend Dark Falls Academy for your last year in high school " . What ? I looked at him with wide eyes and an expression that seemed like a monster had just stolen my teddy bear . " Well . . . Let me explain you . Dark Falls Academy is a private high school . I couldn 't find any information about this school . I manage to get in touch with the current headmaster but he didn 't knew anything about that too . He found though a form which was filled eighteen years ago . Your grandmother had signed you up to this school since you were born . You 'll have to attend this academy and you 'll live in its dorms " . " Forget about it . Besides , I have already lost the first whole month . Is it possible for me to move there now ? I don 't think so " Here I am . Walking straight to my death ! It 's not the place that scares me . Ok , it is that too . But I can keep up with that one . What I can 't keep up with is the people . It always was the people . It was always difficult for me to get along with others . I didn 't even manage to get along with the students of my old school . Here it would not only be difficult but impossible . Not only are they going not to be friends with me , they won 't even accept my very own existence . I took a deep breath and tried to clear my Head . I had to calm down . Maybe it wouldn 't be that bad . Or maybe not . I kept walking to the building . The more close I was getting the more the number of eyes I was feeling on me increased . From where I was I could feel death glares of all the girls around me . They may be away but their eyes were showing their hatred . I passed near to some of the old fence 's rock pieces . There were a few boys sitting on them while some others were sitting on the ground . They were laughing but as soon as I stepped close to them they stopped and glared at me . Everyone all around was stopping what they were doing and watched me . Every one 's heads were moving along my way . Their glares followed my every move . There was one between those boys that was standing out . He was sitting on one or the big rock pieces and all the other boys where around him . He was gorgeous . Dead gorgeous . He had short black hair , his face was one of an angel and he wore black clothes just like most of the others here . I couldn 't see anything else about him from where I was . While the others were looking me approaching only when I passed next to them he turned and face me . His eyes were dark ; I would swear they were black . He looked at with hate and disgust . I shivered again and moved my eyes down . I could still his glare on my back killing me . All the eyes were killing me . Slow and torturously . " What a trash ! " I heard a girl saying while passing by a bunch of girls who were sitting on the benches . I put my hand tight around my body . I was feeling cold and exposed , not wanted . I finally made it to the building 's entrance . While I stepped inside one boy get away from his friends and came towards me . He almost fell on me on purpose and hissed at me . Another bunch of girls started laughing from the stairs . " It 's on the third floor in front of the dragon " I heard a female voice telling me from behind . I turned to face her but she was already away . I did saw though her black long dress and her black witch hat . That 's strange . I 'd swear it was crowded a few minutes ago . I stepped the stairs watching the place around me . After I got to the third floor I started searching for the dragon . I turned my head to the right and then to the left . I was in a big hall but there weren 't any dragon or any door neither a secretary 's desk . I turned around and looked up then . There was a black sculptured medieval dragon . It 's tail was connected with the beginning of the stairs . " Umm . . . Oh but . . . I don 't see any office here . . . " . He mention with his hand behind me . I turned around and face the painting again . It was a strange one that covered the whole wall up till up to the ceiling . The shades of the colors were all dark . There were no lights . It wasn 't something happy but neither something sad , even though it had a negative and depressing mood , it was something neutral . It had a designed wooden door , and all around there were things such as furniture , foods , books , bowls and plates etc . . . I would say it was modern art with a dark touch . He started walking towards the painting and the he pushed the door at the painting . I heard a metallic noise and the door 's creek . He opened the door and stepped inside . I followed him inside . The office was the opposite of everything here . It was full of light . The wooden furniture may be dark brown or black but all the light that skipped from the giant windows behind the desk made the whole place amazing . From the door to the office there giant book shelves to the left and the right that created a dark mysterious hall which leaded in front of the desk . There was nothing to the desk 's sides , there were only a few leather chairs . Everything made you feel something ethereal , something mystical . It was like you were in another century in the past . I felt like I was in a world of death and life , the middle world between earth and heaven . " This room used to be a secret library back in the 1940 . Of course this place is much older . The previously owner of this place was a rich scientist and literary . It was just a secret room till he came and turn into a place where he could read , study and experience in peace . It was a place where he could hide his treasures from the American Army . Unfortunately the Army killed him but they never found this place " , I turned to face him . He had a proud expression on his face . He was watching me the whole time watching the place . " Um , you said ' the previously headmaster ' , so that means you 're the second headmaster that has pass from this school ? I mean how many years did the previously one lived to be a headmaster here ? I don 't get it . . . " If the school was being operated since 1940 and had only two headmasters in that period of time then how old did they work here ? " I used to be one of his students . Then I became a professor and seventeen years ago I became Headmaster . I know about you . Your grandmother had made a convention with him . But unfortunately I have no idea why . They made it a year before he died and till yesterday no one knew about your coming . I talked with your family 's lawyer . I didn 't believe him at first but then I found some of the previous headmaster 's papers and changed my mind . He wanted you to come for a reason . Your grandmother wanted you to come here . And here you are ! " he moved both his hands towards my way . " No , you 'll have to stay ! You may be different the deal is a deal and since both of them wanted you to study here you 'll have to stay ! " he seemed worried for me . I couldn 't keep it anymore . I had to blurted out now ! " You got a problem with the new student Headmaster ? " I heard a dark , male voice saying . We both turned our heads the way the voice was coming . " Seb what are you doing here ? " the headmaster asked . I saw a dark figure coming towards us from the giant bookshelves . When he was a few meters away I looked at him and frozen ! It was the boy who was sitting on the high broken wall . He looked at me with a disgusted look again . " I thought I should pass by and meet the new student " he answered him smirking . " Seb , I want the truth ! " . The boy exhale and turned his gaze at me again and then faced the headmaster again . " Professor Mira send me here . She said you should punish me " he didn 't smirk this time . Indeed he seemed sad . " I know everything you know Beth Willow . Seb will show your room and we 'll meet tomorrow after your classes to answer some of your questions . If you need anything you can ask your professors or come and see me . You know where to find me " he smiled at me with such joy in his eyes . " Fine " finally Seb snapped . He turned around and started walking . " Her room is the empty one next to yours " the headmaster told him . Seb stopped walking and turned around . " There is no empty room next to mine " he said with a dull tone in his voice . " Yes there is . The locked one is Beth 's since long ago . Here are the keys " he threw him large bunch of keys and Seb caught them in the air . " And Seb . Behave ! " he mentioned to him last . We got out of the main building and then we turned right . He started walking faster and I was trying to catch up on him with o big success . He then went towards a cemetery . He chuckled again and I swear if it wasn 't for his good looks I would have killed him and buried him immediately . He continued his chuckling the whole time till we got out of the cemetery . I believe the reasons were my clumsiness , I almost fell many times , and my fear , when I stepped on a grave and I was terrified that the dead would come out and eat me . Finally we made it outside of a big building . Actually it was a very , very big old mansion . It was even bigger than the main building that we were before . I must have been staying there starring with my mouth opened for lot of time ' cause Mr . Dark over there told me to close my mouth or else the dead might think I 'm some kind of a zombie . Very clever ! I just rolled up my eyes and continued following him . The mansion had three floors too , just like the main building . We got to the last floor and head to the east side of the building . While we were walking I decided to learn a few things for him . " Why ? He is a great character ! Even though he was a totally ass in the movies . I mean you look alike him but not on the outside . And how did you even knew I was thinking about that ? ! " He then turned around and continue walking fast . I rushed after him . " Hey ! You didn 't answer my question ! " . He stopped again and faced me . " What question ? " he looked at me in the eyes while his own ones were full of anger and hatred . " You know . . . About your real name . . . " I saw a small flash of pain in his eyes but he turned around again and I couldn 't see his eyes anymore . " Sebastian " I heard him murmured . " What ? " I asked him trying to catch what he said . " I said Sebastian ! My name is Sebastian , got it now ? " . My eyes popped out of my head . He was angry . Monsterous angry . I didn 't even know why ? We made it to the end of the hallway . He stepped outside the last door . This one was different from the others . It seemed more artistic . It had more sculptured designs and many metal locks . He took out of his pocket the bunch of keys and started to try to unlock all those locks . I watched him carefully . Then there was only silence . . . It was a very sad silence . He continued unlocking the door while I was looking to the ground . A few moments passed . A few moments full of silence and nothing else . Until he decided to change it . " I can 't " . Which was the truth . I heard a metal click . He stopped unlocking the door and open it . He then turned around and started leaving . I watch his back while he was getting away . I shook my head to wake up my mind . I 'm not gonna cry because of a mean jerk , or because the whole school hates me . . . I turned and pushed the door to open more . I stepped inside the dark room . There was a small light away across me , I moved there to and found that it was coming from a closed window at the wall in front of me . I went there and tried to open it . After a few minutes of pushing and pulling it opened and then I pushed the wooden blinds . The faded light rushed in the room immediately . The room was quite large . You 'd think that dorm rooms can 't be that big . Three people could share that room . It looked like it hadn 't been used for years . There was dust everywhere . Everything had a grey color because of the thick bed of dust instead of their true colors . The sheets that covered most of the furniture had turned from whit to yellow . I opened more the window to let the fresh air get in the room . The air 's strong breeze made the long white curtains dance around me and the white sheets to come back to life . I walked to the bed , it was the only one that wasn 't covered with a sheet . I let my bag fell on it and then I collapsed there too . A cloud of dust started flying around me and I started coughing and moving my hands to take it away of my face . When the dust set down i notice there was an envelope on the bed next to my left hand . I shifted forward to take it and looked at it . It was from old paper like the one they used to make the newspapers in the past . I turned it around and notice there was my name written with calligraphic characters in its front side . I opened the envelope and took out a light violet piece or hard paper and read it . I know that right now you 'll have lots of questions . Is really bad that I can 't be with you right now to answer every one of them . It had to be like that . There are so many things that you don 't know about Dark Falls Academy , about your future life , about your past . Dark Falls Academy is not a common school . Everyone here is not human . They believe that you 're human but you are not . You are just like them and even more ! P . S . Inside the envelope you 'll find a necklace that will keep your thoughts safe . You 'll have to wear it always ! Don 't take it off ever ! You 'll learn too how to read the thoughts soon . |
Hi everybody . Happy New Year 's Eve ! Another year goes by . I 'm gonna get right into it and tell you a couple of Fashion Confessions . Remember , this blog is about now and the past . Mostly about the past because I feel bad about some things , well kind of . You know , in my business I worked with a lot with art directors . I remember one time , I went up to Germany to show my book around . It was when I was living in Paris . Anyway , I went up to Germany and went on a few appointments . One time I went int o see this art director who was having lunch , Roast Beef and Mayonaise , I can tell that because it was all over my book . Anyway , she started looking at my book and going through the pages very fast . And while she was eating her sandwich she said to me , " I 've seen all these pictures before Und der are so many people who can do this . I see nothing new . " Then she stopped at a photo I did and said , " Und Dis is YOU . Dis is very personal , und dis is you . " And she started pounding on my book . She was crazy , but she was right . It was a test I did for myself . I still remember the image . Another time , I was in London . I was shooting for a British magazine . I was at the magazine meeting up with a fashion editor . Well , the art department came down to get me . He said , " You have the cover . It looks great . Come by and see a mock up before you leave . " So after my meeting with the fashion editor I stopped by the art department . Well sure enough , there was my photo and it was the front cover and two thirds down the front cover it said in big words , " Vaginal Health . " I mean , come one , give me a break . How am I supposed to put that in my book without laughing . It was a good shot though . Another time I was in Italy . I 'm going to go off on a tangent here . I just remembered something . My agent there didn 't pay me for like two years . I 'd done a lot of editorial , but they just took their sweet ass time in paying me , so one day I just sat on the agency couch until they paid me . I sat on that couch from 10 am until 8 pm . The owner finally cut me a check . Anyway , where was I ? Oh yeah , I met up with an art department at a magazine I always worked for and on the way out I remember one of the world 's top fashion magazines was on the same floor I was on . Well , I went to the reservation person at this top magazine and I said , " I have an appointment with the art department . " They looked at me curiously and they said , " Oh really ? " and they called the art department . They said , " There is a gentleman here who says he has an appointment . " Well , there was a bit of a talk between the art department of this magazine and I said , " Oh ! My New York agent must have made the appointment . Either way , I remember you said - no problem . " Well , the head of the art department finally said , " OK , OK , " and I went down there and saw them . It was a good meeting , but I never saw them again . You know , I worked with some great art directors . It 's amazing when it clicks . 2013 was a good year , but let 's toast to 2014 . Hope there 's a lot more clicking going on . Anyway , have a good night and a good New Year . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . I 'll call this blog , Way Back When . I guess I call this blog way back when , but it kind of applies to how I am now . You see , I 've got to adapt . I 'll talk about that in a minute . Let me tell you about a fashion confession first . When I was shooting in Australia , I got a job to shoot on a sailboat . We went to the Wit Sunday Islands , just north of Brisbane . I carefully picked out a crew of people to go on the shoot . I say " carefully " because I had to spend a week with these people on a 31 foot boat . Check all weapons at the door . Anyway , it was a great shoot . We spent a week on the boat . I slept on the deck , under the stars . It was a great shoot . At one point I remember we were trolling for fish . I caught a Spanish Mackerel . We pulled it in , the captain dressed the fish and we cooked it right there on the grill . You can 't get fresher than that . Another time , I went scuba diving with the captain . We were scuba diving and spear fishing . I was in charge of all the fish and lobster we caught . The bag of fish I had was on a long tethered line , and I looked back and I saw the blood coming out of the bag and then I saw a big shark following me . Well , I decided to drop the bag . When we got back to the boat , the captain said , " Where 's our catch ? " I told him what happened and he went back for the catch . Funny , I never did see him again . . . just kidding . He got back and we had a great meal . Oh yeah , that reminds me . One time I was scuba diving from the boat . I looked down real deep into the abyss and there was some shimmering light coming out of the darkness to me . It must have been a big school of fish angling their bodies to look at me . The sunlight was glimmering off of them . Very cool . I guess my shoots always introduce me to some animals at one point . I remember once , I was horseback riding . I got off to have some lunch , sat down on a dead tree and started to have my lunch , and all of a sudden these animals came out of nowhere . Like squirrels , chipmunks , they were all over me . I guess they weren 't used to seeing humans . Pretty crazy . I felt like Dr . Doolittle . Another time I was looking for locations and I looked up . There was a bald eagle nest right above me . A feather came down and landed right Before I mentioned about adapting . One time I was on a photo shoot with a famous model and she took a sweet ass time getting ready . Well , by the time she was ready it was dark . So I said , what the hell am I gonna do . I talked to the fashion stylist and she went to look at the clothes . This is when you know you have a good fashion stylist . So check this out . I was supposed to do swimwear on the beach . The stylist changed the whole story real quick . She pulled out all the black swimwear and we went down to the beach and we shot everything at night with a strobe . It looked real cool . So , you see , you can 't freak out , you have to adapt . You know , it 's just like what I 'm going through now . I just have to adapt , not freak out . Easier said than done , right ? Lately I 've been kind of depressed . I mean , come on . Who wouldn 't be after everything I 've gone through ? Anyway , I have to remind myself to think about the future and positive things . My friend here who 's writing this for me brought over another DVD of images and seeing them makes me happy . They are images from the trip we took . Anyway , this is B . Nice signing off . Have a good week . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . My friend here came over to visit so I thought , what the hell , let 's do a blog . You know this blog is about the past . I often would think about the past when I was in a bad way . I would often think about stories that happened to me . For example , here 's a story about Thanksgiving . I thought I 'd do this because Thanksgiving is coming up . My friend in western Australia might remember this one . I used to live in a suburb of Sydney called Manly . Anyway , the week before Thanksgiving I had a small dinner party . In my drunken stupor I promised my friends I 'd have a Thanksgiving dinner . Most Australians didn 't know what Thanksgiving was . Anyway , as I woke the next day I remembered I promised I 'd make a Thanksgiving dinner . I don 't like to go back on my promises so I set out to start my Thanksgiving dinner . But man , in the late ' 80 's it was next to impossible to find a turkey in Sydney . I looked everywhere . I couldn 't find a bloody turkey , so I called the US Consulate . They said , " Oy mate , we ordered too many turkeys . There 's one extra one in Double Bay if you want to go get that one . " I went to the butcher shop . I said , I was there to get the turkey for the US Embassy . I was standing there and I heard a squeaking noise and the sound of a big cooler door opening and closing . The squeaking noise got louder and louder as it got to me . I looked over to my left and it looked like a huge Emu was on a dolly . I said , " That 's a turkey ? " He said , " Yeah mate . Here 's one turkey for you . " The thing was huge . It also cost me about $ 250 . Anyway , I managed to get it into my small car . Got it home , looked at the bird and the oven and thought Oh my God . No way is it going to fit . Well , I tied up the legs , took all of the racks out of the oven , got a few bricks , put it in the oven on a tray . The oven wouldn 't shut so I went out and bought some tin foil . I roped the door shut and wrapped the whole oven in tin foil . My friends came over and we did something unusual . We started drinking . It was about 6 : 00 pm . We drank until the bird was done , which was about 2 : 00 am . Hell , we were so drunk our shoes would have even tasted good . Anyway , we served up the bird and it wasn 't bad . I still say it was an emu . Anyway , after we finished what we could , my friends left and I threw the carcass out into the trash . I woke up at about 4 : 00 am to a bunch of noise . There were tree kangaroos fighting over the turkey carcass . I couldn 't really see OK , so I 'm going to go off on a bit of a tangent here . I don 't know what made me remember this , but I 'll tell you anyway . Maybe it was because my niece had a big send off this weekend , a sendoff for her soccer game . Her team made the finals in the State Tournament . Anyway , way back in the day , I was a pretty good cross country runner . Our team made it to the State finals in Upstate New York . We got there early and started to run the course . A cold front came through and it got really cold . Our coach said we had to wear nylons to stay warm during the race . So after dinner we went to the local Seven Eleven . So imagine this , there were about 6 of us . We went to the counter with a case of cheap beer , six pairs of pantyhose . 3 cherry flavor chapsticks , also a cassette of Led Zeppelin , and that 's it . We didn 't say anything but just looked at the guy . The guy looked at us and that was that . Anyway , this is B . Nice signing off . I hope you all have a good Thanksgiving . Talk to you later . Love , B . Nice I 'm going to name this blog " Women of Power . " You know , in my business , there was a lot of exploitation of women . In what business isn 't there ? Anyway , I saw a lot of exploitation . However , I also saw a lot of women exploit men . I remember there was this one woman who was doing your average " modeling " work . She said to me , " I 'm going to get rid of my agent and hire a PR guy . " She reinvented herself , and they came up with a plan . She became one of the world 's top models . I saw her bring men of power to their knees . There was another time when I was an assistant photographer . A girl came in with some family polaroids . The guy I was working for recognized her talent and booked her on a big editorial . The guy had an eye for talent , and he was an amazing cook . Sorry , I went off on a bit of a tangent there , but I did learn a lot from him . Anyway , back to women of power . There was this one time in Australia I had to shoot a commercial of a girl riding a horse in the ocean . I don 't know if you 've ever put a horse in the ocean before , but it 's not easy . I said to the girl , " Have you ever ridden a horse before ? " And she said , " No worries , Mate . What do you want me to do ? " I said just ride the horse slowly towards me and I 'll get a few shots . She went all the way to the end of the beach and came at me like 40 miles per hour . There was water going everywhere . She scared the shit out of me cause she was heading right towards me . At the last second she turned the horse away from me just by inches . The horses right foot barely missed my right foot . It would have killed me for sure if it had hit me . She stopped the horse . The horse reared up a little , and she said , " Like that mate ? " I said , " Oh my god , where are you from ? " She said , " Oh , just outback you know . On a sheep farm . I grew up riding . " Once again , I checked my shorts . Another time I was shooting in Miami . My assistant was hungover . Gee , how unusual . Anyway , he left some very expensive equipment on the beach . Some dude in a pick up truck stole all the equipment . Well , the assitant stylist ran down the beach and stole the equipment back . I bought a bottle of champagne and deducted the cost from the assistants day rate . I 've got lots of stories like this . The point is , you don 't want to mess around with these women . They are pretty powerful . One of the last shoots I did , I was in Brazil . The woman from the fashion magazine and her assistant had to drive overnight to get a flight . Well , our local guide said , " No way ! You can 't drive on these roads at night . There are bandits . " I was in a bad part of Brazil . She just said , " We 'll be all right . " And I saw her and her assistant drive off into the night . See what I mean . Don 't mess around with these women . You know , I 'd often think about stories like this when I was in a bad way . Hell , I had 4 years to think about things . I just check in once in a while with this blog . It 's about stuff from the past . To see the new blog , you know , stuff of the present , click on the link above . It 'll take you to the new blog . Talk to you later . Love , B . Nice Hi you guys ! I 'm back . I 'm keeping this blog going so I check in once in a while . You know , my fashion career has been amazing . It 's brought me from the Vice president 's desk ( the vice president of the United states - his desk ) to Riker 's Island , maximum security prison . My personal life has brought me from witnessing my daughter 's birth to witnessing my own possible demise ( an out of body experience ) . The point is , I 've gone through a lot and I really believe , and I 've said this before , I really believe all the things I 've gone through have gotten me ready for this event . It all doesn 't seem so scary . Anyway , I 'm gonna make a couple of fashion confessions . I guess I do this to get it off my chest . I always feel a little guilty about the things that have happened . Here 's an example : OK , so one day I show up at the location van . My assistants are furious . I said , " Hey guys , good morning , what 's wrong ? " My friend , the French assistant , in a very think French accent said , " They ate all the food . I have nothing but coffee . " My other assistant said , " I can 't believe you 're doing this . " I looked at them puzzled . I said to them , " Here hold my stuff . Let me see what 's going on . " So I walk in the van and the first thing I notice is I 'm shooting a plus size catalogue . I look down at breakfast and there is a silver plastic platter , a white doily , some seeds and some saran wrap . That 's it . Mind you , the caterers usually don 't leave much breakfast , but there was nothing . The models ate everything . I 'm surprised the curtains were still there . The platter looked like a small village attacked it . Anyway , at least the girls were happy . Now , I 'm not one to pass judgement or make any comments , but believe me , when lunch was served , me and my guys were in the front of the line . Now , back to Traumatic Brain Injury . I 'm just recovering from my road trip . It was good . A big challenge , but I believe it helped me get a little better . One thing it did was it made me realize how messed up I am . I 've still got a lot of work to do . Anyway , that 's it for now . I 'll include a photo from the shoot . Hope you guys have a good week . Love , B . Nice I have a friend . He likes to play in the dark . I watch and I listen . Is he narcissistic ? I don 't think so . It all makes me claustrophobic . I had a friend . He liked to play in the dark . I didn 't listen . Was he narcissistic ? I don 't think so . It all makes me claustrophobic . You guys are probably wondering what the hell is he talking about ? Maybe they left something out when they put his brain back . It 's actually a little benchmark for me . Hi everybody . Welcome to another week . I 'm gonna say a few things that will make my friend here squirm . You see , she has a couple of boys . These are some childhood memories I have . Let 's just use a few words and feel free to use your imagination . OK , let 's start : Spinning cars , burning airplane , crashing buses . Shooting guns , burning soldiers , and sharpening sticks . Big black Newfoundlands , screaming monkeys , and white faced hornets . Bag of rocks to throw at a hornets nest , a burnt out cabin and running away . Hi you guys . Just checking in again . We were talking about friends , I forgot to tell you a story . There was a family friend coming into town . He was from the midwest . Anyway , I was showing him around NY before we went out to dinner I suggested we stop by and see some of my friends to have a drink . Anyway , we went to one of my friends apartments and on the way up I was talking about how amazing the apartment is . But the guy from the midwest said , " Hold on , wait a minute ! We 're going to go to a gay person 's apartment ? " I say , " Yeah , so what ? " The guy from the midwest said , " I 've never met a gay person before much less a gay couple . " Well , being the demented person I am , I said to him , " Well , there 's a first time for everything . Look , there 's a couple things you should know . If the younger guy comes up to you he might grab your crotch . If you accept his advances , you , I repeat , you grab his right , I repeat , HIS right nipple , and turn it firmly to the right . If you disagree with his advances , you grab his left nipple and turn it firmly to the left . That 's HIS nipple . And for god 's sakes , don 't get it wrong or you might wind up in the back room . And for heaven sakes , don 't let his partner see you because you might end up in a threesome in the back bedroom . " Before I could say , I 'm just kidding , we reached the floor and my friends were there to greet us . We went right into the apartment . The guy from the midwest was freaked out . He stayed in the kitchen the whole time with his back to the refridgerator . Hell , I couldn 't get a beer ! Anyway , I told him when we were both in the kitchen , I told him , " I was just kidding , just relax . " He kind of laughed nervously . I just thought I should share that story with you cause I thought it was kind of funny . I 'll talk a little bit about traumatic brain injury . I 've been swimming a lot , doing swimming therapy . It 's so great . You can actually walk . Feels fantastic . I highly recommend it . You know , when you 're like this , you get ups and downs . Seems like the weather really affects me . Hi you guys . I 'm BAaaaccck ! I bet you thought you got rid of me . You know me . I 'm always living in the past . I 'll check in once in a while to keep this blog going . I was inspired to write again because an old friend wrote to me the other day . He reminded me of something . I was staying at his family house in LA . His family graciously opened their house to me . Anyway , the timing was always weird . I would say , " I 'm going to LA , " and he would say , " I 'm leaving . " Is that a hint or what ? Anyway , I would arrive in LA and he would leave for a trip somewhere . I moved into my guest room and every morning I 'd go outside in my pajamas with a cup of coffee to get the paper . The neighbors came out the same time to get their paper . The point is , I think I got the whole street talking . My friend would leave , I 'd move right in . They would always do a double take when looking at me . It was pretty funny . My friend was a guy I talked about in previous blogs . Anyway , that 's it . I just wanted to share that with you and keep this old blog going . I 'll check in from time to time . Oh , I 'll talk a little bit about traumatic brain injury . . . I forgot what I was going to say . I guess brain surgery will do that to you . I 'll talk to you , I don 't know when , soon . Love , B . Nice Hi you guys . I 'm just gonna jump right into it . A few fashion confessions . I used to shoot all the time in Miami . All of the location vans would be lined up outside the hotels . One day I went out , got into the location van , grabbed a coffee , had some breakfast , got the New York Times , sat down , started reading . The models came in with hair and make - up . I said good morning and continued reading . then I looked up and was getting coffee I thought , that 's not my assistant . Then looked around . I thought , I don 't know any of these people . I said to the van driver , " Who are you working for ? " He said , " I don 't know . It 's some German catalog . " I thought , oh my god , I 'm in the wrong location van . I quickly got up , got my stuff together , oh , and I grabbed my coffee . It was good coffee . Grabbed the NYTimes and went out to my location van . Another time I was working in Napa Valley . The producer said that breakfast would be downstairs in a conference room in the morning . Well , I went to the conference room downstairs . There was a great breakfast set up . I thought to myself , this is fantastic . They had blueberry waffles , a nice chef there to make omlettes . You get the picture . It was a great set up . Then people started coming in . I said , " No no , this is a private function . I 'm sorry , this is not for you . This is a photoshoot . " And then the producer came in and said to me , " Look , you 're in the wrong spot . Our breakfast is down the hall on the left . " I said , " Ok . " I got my stuff together , went to our conference room . Looked at the breakfast . It was box cereal and bad coffee . I thought , this must be the spot . At least they had Captain Crunch . You know , our shoots did bring us to some amazing houses . It was fun going to new locations and checking out some of the houses . One time I was in Santa Barbara , CA . We were shooting in a big celebrity 's house . Anyway , I decided to have a look around . I was shooting outside only , so I looked through the window of the kitchen to see how it was decorated . Well , I looked through the window and it looked like the decorator threw up . It was so tacky . I said to the art director , " Oh my god . You 'd think someone famous like this would have at least a little taste . It looked like shit inside . Come and have a look . " And then I looked through the window down to the right , there was the famous actor reading . He didn 't look too happy . Another time I was in Hawaii looking at houses . One house I went to was amazing . Apparently , Frank Lloyd Wright designed a house for Marilyn Monroe , but before the house could be built she died . So basically , someone found the plans and built the house . It was pretty cool . It was like a big boat . Not many people can say they saw a house like that . Anyway , it was pretty cool . I got to see some pretty cool stuff . I guess I 'll talk a little bit about Traumatic Brain Injury . These past two weeks , my daughter has been here . I hadn 't seen her for like six months , so it 's been amazing to hang out with her . It 's amazing how quickly kids grow up . She 's only 7 now . Just the other day she asked me for my car keys . Just kidding . But it does put a little strain on me . Between her and what I 'm going through , it 's kind of tough , but I manage . You know , everything I say is kind of redundant . I kind of keep repeating myself so I think I might stop this blog on this final chapter . I 'll do another blog with my friend here . She 'll include my next adventure . ( http : / / www . indiegogo . com / projects / my - point - of - view - - 3 - Feel free to contribute . ) But , I think it 's about time to put this blog to rest . Just a few things ; when times get really tough , I remember what Winston Churchill said , " When you 're going through Hell , keep going . " Remember what Chuck said to me , " Do what you love . " And I remember what my father says to me , " Attain childhood . Life is like a big circle , and follow your intuition . " And I remember what my mother says to me , " But you 're still alive . Do what you can do . " And then , I listen to myself . Life is short . Do what you want to do . Go for it . Anyway , this is B . Nice signing off . Follow my next adventure , My Point of View . Hopefully it 's a round trip . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to Chapter 111 . I was reading the previous blog and we talked a little bit about fashion confessions . Well , since I mentioned the word ' pervert , ' I 'll tell you this one story . I 've a couple stories . This one time , I was shooting in a house I used to use all the time . The owner was a weird guy . He was there all the time . He actually cut a hole in his wall to watch the models change . Anyway , one of the girls saw the hole and went ballistic . The guy picked the wrong girl to have a perve on . I thought she was gonna beat him up . She basically left the building . Another time I was working with this beautiful girl . She was beautiful but tough . I mean , the girl once got in a bar fight . Anyway , we were shooting swimwear and my one assistant there kept going on and on about her chest . I had a chat with her and she agreed to play a little trick on him . She said , " Just get ready , put the camera on me , and get ready to shoot . " I had no idea what she as getting ready to do . I put the camera on her . She was standing there in a swimsuit . I could see her ask for his glasses . She put them on . Then she asked for the light meter . He came to her . He gave it to her . And then she grabbed his ears and pulled his head into her cleavage . All I saw was his arms flailing , his legs flailing and then she let him stand up . The guy looked like he had been sleeping for a year . Had a big smile and didn 't know what the hell was going on . It was pretty funny . I guess you had to be there . So you see what I 'm getting at . I 'm always around perverts it seems . On another note , we had a big party at our family house . A lot of my photo assistants came . It was good to see them , and it was good to see all my friends . Good party . I want to share something with you . The party was on Sunday . I kept waking up on Thursday morning , Friday morning , Saturday morning thinking I already had the party . I couldnt ' remember who was there . I was confused . I attributed this to old age or brain surgery or a good fucking party . I got so drunk I didn 't remember . Then I realized the party hadn 't happened yet . It was a good fucking party . I mentioned before , when you have a traumatic brain injury , it 'll affect people differently . we 've had another heat wave , and boy the heat and humidity really affects me . I 've been going from the bedroom to the kitchen . This one girl emailed me . She said that she had a similar brain injury and she has a hard time breathing . Another guy emailed me said he has extreme vertigo . So I just wanted to reiterate that everyone is affected differently . When the heat happens or high humidity , I also have little mini seizures or the beginning of a seizure . I get like a smelling sensation . Burning rubber . And then it goes away . It only lasts a second or less , but I 'm always tired after . Fun right ? ! Anyway , the medicine seems to work . It keeps big seizures away . I notice this chapter is 111 . I don 't know why , but when I had my home , I always would seem to look at the clock at 1 : 11 . It was bizarre . So whenever I hear the words 111 , I always think of my home in Montauk . Just a little side note there . I don 't have much else to talk about . My daughter 's coming for a 2 week visit . I 'm very excited . It will sure be great to hang out with her . That 's it for this week . I hope you can check on my project . My friend here will include the link . The party we had with my family was to announce to the local community what I 'm doing . I guess it was a launch party . Anyway , my friend here will include the link . Please share it with your friends if you want to . Have a good week . Love , B . Nice Let 's see , what was I going to talk about ? Oh yeah , I wanted to talk about Traumatic Brain Injury because it 's so hot and humid . Man , this humidity really kicks my ass . It 's difficult to do anything in this weather . When you have a TBI it will affect everyone in a different way . This heat and humidity really kicks my ass . Today I 'm really tired , not just because of the heat and humidity , but I just started water therapy . It was kind of bitter sweet going there because they noted I made a big improvement and they started telling me where I 've improved . But the difference is so small . I worked so hard all year . I 've worked hard and just to get the small improvement is frustrating , but at least I 'm moving forward . At least I haven 't plateaued or moved backward . I guess it 's a good sign . You now , when you 're like this , you 're gonna have ups and downs . I mean , I 'm improving but I definitely have my off days . I just wish I could get through one meal without biting the inside of my cheek or biting my lip . I yell so much the dog freaks out . I was going over blogs from the past like blog 108 and I mentioned in the blog that I 've never gotten in a fight . I 'm going to take out my soap box and make a little announcement : If you can avoid it never get in a fight . There was this guy on my floor in the hospital . He was at a local bar . He started talking shit with someone . He picked a fight with the wrong guy . One punch to the head was all it took . It changed his whole life . The guy is a mess . He can hardly talk . But one thing that 's kind of funny is there 's a girl 4 doors down and he keeps screaming at her to shut up . She screams back at him to shut up and then he says , " I 'm sorry , I love you . " And she goes , " I love you too . " They should get married . One time I was coming back from a friends house . My friend lived up in Spanish Harlem . Oh yeah , this is the early 80s . Spanish Harlem back then was pretty rough . Anyway , I was walking to work with a nice brief case . A Halliburton briefcase . I walked around the corner and I ran right into a gang . They surrounded me , then some guy stepped forward , must have been the leader . He looked at me and said , " Hey cream puff . What 's in that case ? " I looked at him , and I looked at the case , and I looked at him again , and I started running . Man , I ran really fast . It 's amazing how fast you can run when you 're scared . Anyway , I ran from 126th street to 57th street . My friend here asked what was in the case . It was my lunch . A banana and a peanut butter sandwich . So I got sidetracked there . Anyway , I 'll go back to the water therapy . It 's so important . They really do a good job . I showed up for my water therapy and the people at the rehab hospital said my insurance company rejected water therapy as a form of therapy . The supervisor of the insurance company didn 't recognize it as therapy . It 's not enough that this huge rehabilitation hospital has a huge swimming pool for therapy . I mean come on . Give me a break . It 's enough to drive you crazy , I 'll tell you . If a supervisor would walk in my shoes she 'd see how important it is . I mean I 've made huge strides because of water therapy . It 's really helped me a lot . So when some idiot does not recognize it as a form of therapy , I go ballistic . Sorry about that , I get a little animated . I should be a little more politically correct and gentleman like . What I should say is , what a fucking idiot ! Anyway , I won 't go any further . I mean the person is probably just doing his job . It drives me nuts . Thank god my mom was there . She has become an expert at dealing with situations like this . She sprang into action and solved the problem . I got my water therapy and the day went on . Thank goodness for mom . The more I think about it , the more I realize she should write a book . I mean , this has been going on for like 4 years now . She 'd be an expert in writing a book . It might help someone . When I lived in Paris , I was introduced to a man that runs a lab for film . He would process all the film by hand . The guy was a little eccentric . But the results were really good . The only way you could use his lab was through an invitation . I got invited to this lab by the owner . I had to meet him first though . I showed up to the lab . It was a big industrial room with grey floors and a grey wall . There was one light box in the middle of the room and one light bulb hanging down . There were 2 chairs . One for him and one for me . It was all very surreal . He came out of a door wearing a white apron , and asked me to sit down . Well , the interview went well and I was allowed to bring my film in . I think I kind of freaked out my clients because it was very very very expensive . One time I said to him , " Can I see your lab ? " And he said to me , " But you 're in my lab . " Another time I was in Paris , I went out to dinner by myself . Oh yeah , I went out a lot by myself . Anyway , as I was leaving , I put on my jacket . All the wine bottles for the evening were against the wall . I put on my jacket and knocked over a wine bottle . The first bottle that fell knocked over the next bottle and the third and the forth . Next thing you know , I knocked over about 30 bottles . The owner looked at me . I looked at him , and then I started running . It seems to be a common thing . right ? Hi everybody . Welcome to Chapter 109 . I 'm going to call this chapter " Bugs , " and I 'm going to dedicate it to my friend , Bugs . Let 's start with my friend , Bugs . I 've no idea how he got his name Bugs , but I think it 's slang for " crazy . " I think it 's French for crazy . Anyway , it fits . One of my fondest memories of him is at a ski resort in France . We were in vacation . We were skiing . He stopped at a fence called " Avalanche Area . " We stopped , looked at the fence . He lifted the fence , went under it and said , " Come on let 's go . " So like a young idiot , I followed him . Good skiing . I would follow this guy everywhere . One time we were windsurfing in Hawaii . He just took off towards the horizon . He said , " Come on let 's go . " We went out to open ocean . It 's kind of scary out there . Imagine a wave the size of a house rolling towards you . That 's what it 's like out there in the open ocean . Anyway , we went back to shore . So , you see what I 'm getting at . Yeah , his name is Bugs . I 'll tell you about the other thing I was saying was " Bugs " and that 's the insect Bugs . Man , there were a lot of those in Australia . That reminds me . I have to tell you guys one more story about my crazy friend . I was staying at his house and he asked me to help him plant a tree for his wife 's birthday . It was going to be a surprise . I said , " Yeah sure , no problem . Just wake me up when you want to get the tree . " Well , the tree was being delivered . I heard the sound of an 18 wheeler truck outside my window . I looked out and there was a gigantic tree on a flatbed . I looked at the plates . The guy was from Queensland , and it looked like the truck had been on the road 48 hours . I said to myself , " Man that tree is huge . " He came to my door and sheepishly he said , " The tree 's here . " We went out back and , oh this is the best part of the story . We went out back and the driver said to us , " Well , mate , your tree 's here . Where 's the crane to plant it . " My friend said , " Oy mate , that 's not the tree I ordered , " and he pulled out a photo to show the driver . I said , " Let me see the photo . " I said , " You ordered a tree from a photo ? Did you have any indication how old the tree was ? Look at what they 're wearing . " The farmer who had the tree was wearing clothes from the 1970 's . Anyway , my friend Bugs had to go up the street to a construction site and borrow a crane to plant the tree . The driver of the truck said , " I 'm gonna turn the rig around . YOU AND YOUR SON ( ha ha ha ) can start digging a hole for it . " Anyway , we dug all day . We called all the people we knew to help dig a hole . We just missed a power line . We spent the whole day digging . They lifted the tree over some power lines and into the whole . We filled the whole up just in time for his wife to come home . My friend Bugs said , " Surprise ! Happy Birthday ! " Her reaction was , well , " Oh I love it Bugs , but isn 't it too big . " I exited stage left to the local pub . Back to the creepy crawly bugs . I forgot to tell you , after we planted the tree , these huge spiders came out of the tree . I guess they wanted to check things out , but they were huge . Anyway , I just wanted to share that with you . Another time that freaked me out was in Manly , Australia . It was a suburb of Sydney . Anyway , one of my friends took out a lease on a storefront property . The store used to be a butcher shop so it had some things in it that had to be sold off . One of these things was 4 foot by 8 foot mirrors . they were all along the wall and very valuable . Anyway , we had the construction workers slowly pry the mirrors from the wall . They slowly would lean them down to the ground . On the first mirror , they lowered the mirror down and it hit the light on the ceiling , the light was swinging back and forth . All of the shadows around us were moving . One of the construction workers stopped the light from swinging , but the shadows on the wall kept moving . One of the workers said , " What 's that all about mate ? And he had a flashlight and he pointed it at the wall . The wall was filled with cockroaches and palmetto bugs . 4 feet by 8 feet and 2 inches thick . All the bugs freaked out and scattered . Now imagine this - Imagine , 4 big construction workers in shorts and high top boots wearing tank tops looking very macho , but screaming like old ladies and running off into the dark covered in bugs . I went to the pub . My friend here who 's writing this for me said , " Oh at least it wasn 't spiders . " Then I thought , " Oh , I have a story about spiders . " I was on Heron Island with my first wife . We were ready to go to bed when I noticed a huge mulch huntsman spider on the wall . Well , I threw my shoe at it . It looked at me and ran into the air conditioner . I said , " Well , I 'm gonna take care of this guy . " I called the front desk . They gave me a can of insect killer which I promptly sprayed into the air conditioner . Well , the spider came out and looked at me like " You bastard , you just sprayed me . " I sprayed him again . He looked at me and just ran back into the air conditioner . I thought , " You little shit , I 'm gonna get you now . " So I sprayed the whole can into the air conditioner . Well , he came out , his friend came out , his other friend came out . The whole family came out . The whole room was filled with hunstman spiders . I ran out of shoes . I changed rooms , needless to say . Oh man , I could go on and on about stories of insects . I was a little scared of them . You know , things would happen like , you would put on your wet suit to go windsurf and after you put the wet suit on you 'd feel some bugs crawling between your skin and the suit . Or you would go to sleep and just as you 're drifting off to sleep you 'd hear a big cockroach walk across the floor . One time I opened my cupboard door in the kitchen and it looked like I brokeup a party or something . All these palmetto bugs just looked at me . Like I said , I could go on and on , but I promised you , in the teaser , I 'd talk about a topless girl . Well , I was on an editorial job in Martha 's Vineyard . The fog rolled in for like a week so the editor decided to relocate to New Mexico . Anyway , we used up all our money on tickets . We had no money left for locations so we did all our photos in places like the hotel parking lot , your local truck stop . That would have been fun except all of our photos were about skin , naked skin . Yup , the girl had to be topless in all the photos , so imagine this - Imagine a family rolling into a hotel parking lot and there 's a naked girl standing there . I can hear now , the son going , " Look dad , what 's with the naked girl ? " And the mom saying , " Don 't look at that . " Or we were at a truck stop once and there was an old picnic table covered in really cool weathered wood . I told the girl to lie there . so all the truckers saw a naked girl lying on the table . Just another day . The best part of the trip , I think I mentioned before was the editor trying to tell a priest it 's OK if a naked girl leans against the church . I could hear her say , " But she 's god 's creation . " Never a dull moment . Enough of the stories . This week has been tough for me because it 's so humid and hot . When you have a traumatic brain injury , some things will really affect you . For example , humidity really affects me . It 's hard to describe , but you know how you feel when it 's humid . Well , increase that times 100 . It 's not fun . I did wake up this morning and had a moment of absolute clarity . It was weird . I was looking at my pool table and I thought , well , I 'm just gonna stand up , walk over there and play a game . It was a good feeling , but it only lasted a second . Maybe it 's a beginning of a pattern . Who knows . The other cool thing was I walk even more fluidly with my Up & Go walker . I was really tired , but the motion of my movements was more fluid . I guess over all , things are getting better . I had a friend over the other day . She was an art director I used to work for . I haven 't seen her for about a year now . She noticed a big difference between now and last year . Pretty cool . It 's good to get feedback from friends . Kind of like a pat on the back . She 's helping me with the launch of my big trip . Here 's the link . And keep checking back for updates . Anyway , that 's about it for this week . I hope you guys have a good week . You know , I think there 's some more info at www . helpbriannice . com - like my surgeon and the good hospital I went to . Someone emailed me and asked for some more info . Anyway , I hope it helps . I 'll talk to you guys next week . Love , B . Nice Hi everybody . Welcome to Chapter 108 . I 'm gonna label this chapter " Man , I 've got to get in shape ! " and I 'm going to dedicate it to my family . Hi everyone . I hope you had a good week . My friend was reading me a few chapters and I remember Chapter 105 . We were talking about my teacher , the one who taught me tae kwon do . I remember I was in amazing shape , probably the best shape of my life . The guy brought me to brown belt level . That 's one step below a black belt . I 'm gonna go off on a tangent here , a little lesson about tae kwon do . The white belt is the beginner and as time goes by , the belt gets dirtier and dirtier . In other words , you start out with white , and then it goes to yellow , and then green , and then brown , and then black . Hey , I was a brown and in good shape . Now my daughter comes up to me , grabs my belly and says , " Daddy , you 're gonna have a baby . " You see what I 'm getting at ? Man , I 've got to get in shape ! When you have a traumatic brain injury it 's hard to do anything but sit in a wheel chair . I found a device called a " New Step . " I talked about it before . I was in it for about an hour every day . It gives you an aerobic work out , without killing you . Anyway , the point is , you 've got to keep working out . Don 't use traumatic brain injury as an excuse to just sit around . You 've got to keep working out . I may be over doing it . I work from 9 to 12 , have lunch , take a nap until 2 , and I work on my hands and balance until dinner . Remember , it 's our job to get better . I keep repeating these things , but it 's really important . Boy , I 'm really stuck for stories . I don 't know what to tell you guys . One thing I really want to enforce , OK I 'm gonna get my soap box out and make an announcement . You guys listen : You guys cannot use a cell phone and drive at the same time . I know you think , " Oh , I 'll just make a quick call . " Well , a quick call might land you in the hospital . Man if you could see what I saw , you wouldn 't even bring the phone with you when you went on a drive . I saw some pretty horrible stuff . You can use your imagination , but I guarantee a lot of people I saw will never be the same . My friend here said , " It 's easy to think , oh that won 't happen to me . " But like for example , I met an executive banker . She was on a conference call . She went from one party to the other . All she did was look down to change the call and next thing she new , she was in the hospital . So think about me . Don 't pick up the phone while you 're driving . That 's my public service announcement for the day . It 's a repeat from a few blogs back , but it 's important . OK , what 's with all the dogs . I mean , the word must be out that I shake a lot . I guess the more I shake , the more I drop food . I 've got every dog in the neighborhood hanging out with me on the porch . The next door neighbor 's dog was over here the other day . And my sister 's dogs came over here to hang out . It 's like I 'm Dr . Doolittle or something . I 've got to get better , at least to get rid of the dogs . But you know , dogs played a real big part in me getting better . I remember , in the hospital , that would bring therapy dogs around all the time . I could have a hard time breathing . , They would bring a dog over and I would immediately relax . They really work . I don 't remember any of that , but my friends who where there said it worked . OK , enough of the Traumatic Brain Injury stuff . Let 's tell a couple of stories . I 'll make it quick because my friend here has to go . You know what , I 'm going to save my fashion confessions for next time . A bit of a teaser to keep the blog going . The teasers involve a topless girl , a church , some more sharks , an underwater eel , and an assistant using me as a shield . I hope you have a good week . Love you guys . Talk to you soon , B . Nice I 'm gonna call this blog " Good Food , Good Friends . " Man , I have some good friends . I 'm putting a party together and my good friends are helping me . It 's gonna be a good party . Hi everybody . Welcome to day 829 . I miscalculated . I added a year before . I guess time goes by when you 're having so much fun . ( I said this sarcastically . ) Anyway , welcome to another day . It 's actually been a tough week . I 've been aspirating a lot . It 's when liquid goes into your lungs . It 's not fun . Who knows why this happens . But it makes things more difficult . You know , like talking , eating . Just another Traumatic Brain Injury moment . The good thing is , my walking is getting more fluid . I 've been using my Up & Go device to walk . It 's working out really well . Sleeping has been great . I sleep like 9 hours a night . I no longer have to sleep with a light on . What a big boy I am . Maybe the light was keeping me awake , and I finally turned the light off . All in all , things are moving along . When a doctor told me to be patient , I had no idea he meant this . It 's been about 4 years now , but who 's counting . You know , when I was in the hospital , the food was such a drag . I remember one day a friend showed up with a bunch of food . Her husband had a couple of restaurants in New York City , and a restaurant in St . Bart 's The food was Italian . Anyway , I had a great feast . It really makes a difference . All this TBI stuff is getting monotonous . I 'll tell you a few stories . I could write a whole book on the assistants I had . Oh my God ! It was unreal . This one guy I worked with , he was something else . Actually , I could write a whole book on him . When I got divorced the first time , I moved in with him . He graciously gave me a room . I mean closet . I mean room . I 'm pretty sure it was a closet . Anyway , I was just grateful to have anywhere to stay . But living with him ranged from getting in fights with small people on stilts , to cats and dental floss . I 'll let you use your imagination , but I can guarantee you I didn 't get much sleep . My friend here reminded me of a cartoon I did from Djurba . Djurba was in Tunisia , and it was an island where they stuck all the tourists . Anyway , this assistant and I used to always play tennis . He was French / Vietnamese and we would always kid around . I mention that he was French / Vietnamese because we used to sneak up on each other and scream " Whataaaa " like in Inspector Clouseau and the Green Hornet . Never a dull moment . Actually , I worked with that assistant for a long time , so I could do a whole book on him as well . Never a dull moment . Sorry , I 'm getting distracted because we 're having a big lightening storm right now . If you haven 't noticed , I get distracted easily . I could be shooting and someone might yell " Brian , watch out ! There 's a big truck about to hit you ! " And I 'd say , " What a pretty butterfly . " Some people call that distractedness . I call it creativeness . Anyway , back to the assistants . Man , I could go on and on . It 's bringing back bad memories , I mean good memories , I mean bad memories . Yeah , I could do a whole book on assistants . I mentioned good food before . You know , in my line of work , I vowed as long as you fed everyone really well , they would be generally happy . I tried to do this as often as I could . Man , we had some great meals , at some great restaurants . One time , we were in New Guinea . The locals invited us over for dinner . This consisted of them digging a hole into the ground . Heating some rocks , throwing them in the hole , throw some ferns in , throw a dead pig in , throw some more ferns in and some yams , some more ferns and some more heated rocks . They would cover the pit and let it sit all day . At the end of the day , the locals would dig everything up , put it on the table and have a meal . It was , well , disgusting , but you know , I was polite . I finished what I could and one of the locals came over to me with a bowl . I said , " Oh , dessert ? " She said , " No , it 's dope . " I said , " What ? " She said , " Dope . " And I said , " Dope ? " She said , " Yes , dope . " I said , " Dope ? " with a question mark . " Yes , you 've had a hard day . It 's time for you to relax . " And she rolled me up a giant joint . Well , I didn 't want to be rude , so I smoked some . It was very strong . I passed it to the driver . He said , " No thanks mate . We 've got to make it home alive tonight . " Well , I started getting really paranoid , and then the same woman who gave me the dope , wheeled out a video player and a TV . She went to the back and started up a generator . She played a film of the first time the white man came to visit . It showed an old DC - 3 landing . It showed the locals in amazement and shock . It then showed some people , white people getting out of the plane . The locals went crazy . Then one of the white people came over to the locals , grabbed a pig that was on a leash , took out a revolver and shot the pig in the head . What a lovely introduction . Anyway , that was the start of that relationship . It 's been like that ever since . Where was I ? Oh yeah , after she showed us that film I got really paranoid and started freaking out . I couldn 't find the door to go outside so what did I do ? I wehttp : / / mypointofviewproject . wordpress . com Hi everybody . Welcome to day 1201 , four hours , six seconds , but who 's really counting . Anyway , my friend here was reading my last blog . I mentioned the word " tired . " Man , at the end of the day , I get so tired . You know , the thing that makes you the most tired is just talking to people . When you 're like this , you 'll find it affects people differently . So just talking makes me real tired . I guess I 'll benchmark where I am at the moment . It really helps to look back and , who knows , it might help someone who 's going through something similar . You know , that 's why I do this blog . It 's to help anyone that might be like me . Right now , I 'm starting to walk with a bracing and the Up & Go . I still need assistance , but I 'm getting better at walking . I think I mentioned this before . I 'm feeding myself with 2 hands . My eyesight is still double , but it 's getting better . I mentioned all this before , but it 's good to benchmark where I 'm at . At the end of the day , I still get little , I call them " mini moments . " I get real tired , but as time goes on , this gets better . I 'm gonna tell a few stories because it really helps me remember things . You know , I 've been on my back so long , it 's good to think about what I 've gone through in the past . Some things I can 't tell , because I don 't want to freak my friend out right here . She has 2 boys . I did some pretty crazy stuff when I was young . When I was living in Australia I felt compelled to , well , let 's say , have a laugh . for example , when my friend was shooting on the beach in front of me , I 'd break out my 6 foot long mirror and just as he was about to take a light meter reading , I would reflect it with sunlight . It drove him crazy , but I did have a good laugh . Another time , I took the skin of mulch huntsman spider . It 's about the size of my hand , and I put it in the film case . I told my assistant to get some more film . He screamed like an old lady . I got him pretty good . I would do stuff like this to pass the time . One of my favorite things to do was to make my assistant wear a fart machine . When he 'd lean over to get some film , I 'd activate it . It was very amusing . I could go on and on , but I 'll talk about some other things . Mom , if you 're reading this blog , you might want to stop here . I 'm gonna talk about some really gross things . One time I had a rabbit named Andrew . I think I talked about Andrew before . It 's a few blogs back . Andrew was a great pet , but a little wild . One day I called him and he didn 't answer . he didn 't come to me . I started looking for him , calling out , " Andrew , Andrew where are you ? " I walked into my roommates room and I saw Andrew 's legs sticking out from beneath the bed . He was convulsing . I grabbed him by the legs and pulled him out . A red satin rabbit is big . Anyway , I cradled him in my arms . He was continuing to convulse . I was saying " Andrew , Andrew , what 's wrong ? " and I noticed he had a little string coming out of his mouth . He couldn 't breath , so I pulled the string . What was on the end of the string ? A used tampon . He started breathing , shook his head and ran away leaving me standing there holding a used tampon . I guess my roommate brought some girl home and she just chucked it under the bed . How charming . Anyway , I nailed it to the door by the string with a note saying , " you hang out with some really classy girls . You almost killed Andrew . " Well I guess I started a bit of an argument because the girl was my other roommate 's sister . Another gross story took place when I was in college . I was dating this girl . I really liked her . She was cool . We were sitting on the bed . We had just met and we were talking and then I went in for the kiss . She closed her eyes and got closer and then she vomited all over my face . All down my shirt . It was a mess . Then she went for round two . Picked up one of my boots and threw up in the boot . How lovely . She was actually a nice girl . Maybe too many shots . Another gross story was when I was a kid . My friend had a pet monkey named George . Anyway , one time George sat on my head . I thought , how cool , George is sitting on my head . Well , George peed all over my head . I said , George , get off me that 's gross . I threw him into the curtains . Well , George didn 't like that so George shit in his hand and threw it at me . I dove for the floor . I yelled at him " bad monkey " so what did George do ? He started beating off . What a lovely creature . Anyway , my friend 's father left the window open by " mistake " and George got out to explore the great outdoors . Never mind that it was February in upstate NY . We never did see George again . I 'll go back to Australia . I just remembered a story I forgot to tell you . One day I was driving home , I guess I pissed someone off . I must have cut someone off or something because in the morning I went to get my car and on the hood , someone used a screw driver to carve in the letters CUNT . I thought , oh man , this is really not good because I had to go pick up my client at the airport . Well , I went to go pick up my client . She was there . She got in the car , I drove off , we didn 't say a word to each other . She looked at the hood , she saw the letters . She said , " Brian , is that for me ? " I said , " I didn 't even see that ! " Actually , Australia was really cool . I 've got countless great stories . I wish I could go back there . It 's a great place . If you guys ever get a chance to go there , don 't pass it up . I 'd like to say Hi to all my old friends there . I miss them as well . That 's about it for this week . My friend here will include some more drawings I did . You know , I used to keep journals in cartoon form . I 'll talk to you next week . Love , B . Nice Hey everybody . I 'm gonna call this blog " A Little Motivation " and I 'm gonna dedicate it to Dr . Death . Dr . Death was my tae kwon do instructor . The guy was quite the character . He drove a vintage red Ferrari . He was a hand to hand combat instructor at West Point . He was at one time the tae kwon do champion of the world and he was 80 years old . At one point he came over to me , and this was in the beginning mind you , he came over to me and he said , " Punch me in the stomach as hard as you can . " I said , " No way , I 'm not going to punch you in the stomach . You 're 80 years old . " He said , " Try to punch me right there , " and he showed me where to punch him . I punched him a little bit in the stomach . He said to me , " You punch like a little girl . Punch me harder . " So I punched him with all my force . It was like hitting a sandbag . He said , " You still punch like a little girl , now get to the back of the line . We 'll have to work on that . " I was in the best shape of my life during that class . I never did get in a fight . The only time I felt compelled to use my talent was at a party . You see , I went to a party with my girlfriend . We kind of split up and worked the room , you know , talking to people . This guy started talking to my girlfriend and a few minutes later the same guy started talking to me . He was in the same business that I 'm in so we talked for a while . After a few minutes he said , " Come on man , let 's take some girls home . See that girl over there . We 're going to have fun with her . " And he pulled out a bottle of pills and showed me the pills . I said , " What the hell are you talking about ? That 's my girlfriend . " The guy looked like a deer in the headlights , a deer that just got busted . The guy disappeared . He quickly left the party before I could express how I really felt . I should have taken the pills and made him eat them and dropped him naked on the West Side Highway . Did you guys ever see that movie , " The Royal Tannenbaums " ? You gotta check it out . It 's an older movie , but it 's exactly like the family I lived with in the early 80 's . You see , the people that lived in the city came to one of my parent 's parties and we started talking . They 're real patrons of the arts . They found out I had no place to live in the city so they gladly opened their house up to me . They gave me an address where to go . I got to the address when I realized they forgot to put the apartment number down , then I realized they owned the whole freaking building . I rang the doorbell , went inside and all around the place there were french impressionism paintings and musical instruments . I was a side door room that had , you know , your average decorations like Goya paintings . One night , I came home , I was the only one in the house . I went to bed , Oh , yeah , I 'd been drinking , imagine that . I went to bed and all of a sudden I heard a noise . I got up , I looked down the stairs and I saw a flash light and heard some noises . I thought , " Oh my god ! They 're being burglarized ! " So what did I do ? I went and hid in the closet . I sat under some laundry and I thought , this is ridiculous . so I got up and went to the top of the stairs with a baseball bat and I waited . All of a sudden some guy came around the corner with a flashlight and a revolver . He pointed at me and he said , " Freeze . Drop the bat . " And I dropped the bat . He started laughing . The guy was from the security company . I guess I tripped the alarm when I went to my bedroom . The house was heavily alarmed . Anyway , all the security guards started laughing at me because there I was in my underwear , wet , and the underwear wasn 't wet from the shower . They all had a laugh . I told them I must have tripped the alarm . We started chatting . The head security guy said , " Man , I almost shot your cat . " And I said , " What are you talking about . " He said , " Yeah , I almost shot the cat and then I almost shot you . " The cat was quiet and it would just come over to you and tap you on the ankle . Strange cat . Strange tenant . That 's me . You know , every time my friend comes over I forget what to talk about . It 's kind of like getting a stage fright , so I 'll just tell you what happened this week . And remember at the beginning of the blog I called the blog " A Little Motivation . " Well , I called it that because the " Little " is my little one . You see , she came to visit me this weekend . She is my motivation . Probably why I stick around . Anyway , it 's been 4 or 5 months since I 've seen her , but she 's so grown up , it 's amazing . Kids grow up so quick . Either that or I 'm getting old . Anyway , it was great to see her . It 's almost like therapy . I was pretty exhausted by the time she left , but it was good to see her . Now it 's back to work . I 've been walking and each time it gets more fluid and easier . I 've also been standing on the hour . It 's good to get vertical whenever you can . My eyesight is also improving . My speech is getting better . I know this because my friend here has a hard time keeping up with me when I dictate and she types . I 've adjusted to the increase in medication . I 'm not as tired as I was before . Overall , things are good . I 've been getting ready for my trip across America . It sounds simple , you know , driving across America , but believe me , when you 're like this , it 's going to be tough . I mean , just trying to lay in bed is difficult . Taking pictures and going across America is going to be like an Olympic event . A month long Olympic event . I 'm calling the trip , " My Point of View . " Many of my friends are helping out . My friend here will include the link . ( http : / / mypointofviewproject . wordpress . com ) . I hope you can check it out . Oh yeah , some other people were saying they can 't get to the main page of my website . So I 'll give it to you . It 's www . helpbriannice . com . Make sure you do just that . If you don 't do the " www " it won 't work . You could always google Brian Nice and go to the blog . Anyway , that 's it for this week . Love you guys . Oh yeah , Hi Lisa ! ~ Talk to you guys next week . Love , B . Nice Day 1198 . That 's how long it 's been since I had my first bleed , approximately that amount . Anyway , it 's been a long haul . It reminds me of training . I get up , I work out until lunch . Have lunch , and then I take a nap . I get up , I work out until dinner . I have dinner , watch some television then go to sleep . I get up the next day and start the whole process over again . It 's like college training . You know , stuff I did as a competitive runner . Man , it seems I can 't catch a break . You know , when you have traumatic brain injury , it 's good to stay away from stress . Stress , HA ! Check this out . I get a phone call and someone I dearly love , and that is far away , is admitted to an emergency room . Not only that , but I can 't get there because I can 't fly , and driving might trigger a seizure . It 's working itself out , but there are some things I can 't really go into . Just another day . The stressful event has brought on some mini - moments , I call them . I have little , you might call them seizures at the end of the day . You know stuff happens when you 're tired . So bottom line is , you just gotta avoid stress . I avoid stress by meditating or drawing , or listening to music . You 'll find your own way of dealing with stress . The other way of avoiding stress for me is I work on my trip across America . My friend here brought over a map of the United States and we 're figuring out where to drive and how long . It 's fun to do and fun to preoccupy my mind with the details . I 'll see my daughter as well . That 's motivation . I 'm 53 . And lo and behold I wake up in a sea of pea . I 'm 53 and I wet the bed . It 's a good thing I don 't have a girlfriend because she 'd be pissed off ( no pun intended ) . What a disaster . My dog keeps looking at me like " What the hell happened ? " Anyway , just another Traumatic Brain Injury event . Something like this hasn 't happened to me in a long time . I guess it 's just because I 've been so stressed . It 'll pass . It was just an event that happened . No worries . A one time event . I continue to train , for example , my eyes are registering more and more . I have moments when I don 't see double . My vision has been improving which is great because I am a photographer ! The other day , I started walking again . Mind you , it 's a lot of work and a lot of bracing , but it 's where you start . As I get better , I 'll lose more and more bracing , and switch to a different walker . I 've done all this stuff before , so I know what to do . It just takes time and effort . There are no shortcuts . Like my friend here said , " When you 're going through Hell , keep going . " My friend here was reading me my previous blog . We were talking about the college days . Boy I wish I 'd paid more attention to things . You know , in each class I had there was someone that was there to the left . They would always do a translation in sign language . They were there for the hearing impaired students . I should have paid more attention . I could have learned sign language . Now the only sign language I know is to flip someone off and I 'm fluent in that . One of the most amazing things I did see was at a lunch table at the cafeteria . There were a bunch of hearing impaired students who were also blind . They were all excited to be with one another . They communicated by doing sign language and feeling what the other person was signing . They would sign and use their hands . It was pretty amusing when they all got in an argument at once . The more I think about it , the more I remember crazy times we had . One time we kind of " borrowed " the track team van . We thought it 'd be a good idea to " borrow " the van to go to a bar , but after a full night of drinking after the bar closed at 4 am , we left to go home . We got in the van and started to pull out , but we saw a car was coming down the hill very fast . The car that was coming down the hill very fast didn 't have his lights on . And what did he do ? He ran right into us . And then went down the hill bouncing off cars side to side . Took out a few mailboxes , took out a few bushes , went around the corner to the right . Me and my friends jumped out of the van and started chasing him . We saw that he had run into a car and stopped . We went over opened up the drivers side , we were ready to beat the hell out of the guy . We looked at him and he had a big laceration over his face . The guy was clearly messed up . We called the cops . They came and took him away . All of a sudden , we noticed that we were on the lawn of a sorority . There were a bunch of girls in their bathrobes looking at the car and us . All of a sudden my knee really hurt . My friend 's arm hurt and my other friend 's shouldeWell , that 's it for this week . My friend , my mom and I will look at the map of the United States . We 'll plan our trip . You know , it 's going to be in October . I have until October to get ready for the trip . I 'm going to call the trip , " A Point of View " because I want to show you guys how I see . I said it before , but I 'll say it again . I want to take pictures of the American landscape . I want to show you how I see the world . It 's pretty wild . Talk to you guys next week . Love , B . Nice |
Herbert George Wells was born in 1866 in Bromley , England into a family where there was little money to spare ; his father ran a small shop and played cricket professionally and his mother worked as a housekeeper . The family 's financial situation meant that Wells had to work from the age of fourteen to support himself through education . His success at school won him a free place to study at a college of science in London , after which he became a science teacher . His poor health made life difficult , though , and he struggled to keep his full - time job while trying to write in his spare time . He married twice . His first wife was Isabel Mary Wells , but the marriage was not a success . Three years later he left her for Amy Catherine Robbins , a former pupil . Wells often criticised the institution of marriage , and he had relationships with several other women , the most important being the writer Rebecca West . By 1895 Wells had become a full - time writer and lived comfortably from his work . He travelled a lot and kept homes in the south of France and in London , where he died in 1946 . Wells wrote about 40 works of fiction and collections of stories ; many books and shorter works on political , social and historical matters ; three books for children , and one about his own life . His most important early works established him as the father of science fiction and it is for these books that he is remembered . Best known are The Time Machine ( 1895 ) , The Invisible Man ( 1897 ) , The War of the Worlds ( 1898 ) and The First Men in the Moon ( 1901 ) . In all these works he shows a remarkable imagination . He seemed to have the ability to make intelligent guesses about future scientific developments ; he described travel underwater and by air , for example , at a time when such journeys seemed to be pure fiction . Wells began to realise that his science fiction , although highly successful , was not about the lives of real people , and the subject matter of his later works of fiction is rooted in a world of which he had personal experience . Love and Mr Lewisham ( 1900 ) tells the story of a struggling teacher . The History of Mr Polly ( 1910 ) describes the adventures of a shopkeeper who frees himself from his work by burning down his own shop and running away to start a new life . In these and other books he shows a sympathetic interest in , and understanding for , the lives of ordinary people that were rarely present in fiction at the time . One of Wells 's most successful works is Tono - Bungay ( 1909 ) , a story of dishonesty and greed involving the production and sale of a medicine that , for a time , brings wealth and respect to its inventor . , For centuries storytellers have been interested in the idea of invisible beings , with all the related possibilities and dangers . Wells 's interest in the subject is from a scientific rather than a magical point of view , and he uses the main character in The Invisible Man to put across his message that scientific progress can be dangerous in the wrong hands . Apart from the idea of invisibility , the rest of the book is very realistic . It is set in a real place known to Wells ; the characters are ordinary and believable . All of this makes the less believable central idea easier to accept . Much of the book is written with a light , humorous touch , but it becomes more serious as the story develops . The story begins on a snowy winter 's day in the village of Iping . A mysterious stranger arrives at the Coach and Horses Inn , wrapped up from head to foot so that no part of his body is visible . The lady of the inn , Mrs Hall , is pleased to have a guest at this time of year , but her pleasure turns to doubt and finally to fear as she discovers her strange visitor 's secret . When he begins to make trips out of the inn , the people of the village and surrounding area are affected by the appearance and behaviour of thand strange events in the area . It is the scientist , Dr Kemp , who the Invisible Man turns to for help and understanding , and who learns the secret of the strange man 's invisibility . When the Invisible Man finds that he was wrong to have trusted Kemp , his actions become wilder and more violent and it is clear that the story will not end happily . The stranger came early one winter 's day in February , through a biting wind and the last snowfall of the year . He walked over the hill from Bramblehurst Station , and carried a little black bag in his thickly gloved hand . He was wrapped up from head to foot , and the edge of his soft grey hat hid every part of his face except the shiny point of his nose ; the snow had piled itself against his shoulders and chest . He almost fell into the Coach and Horses , more dead than alive , and threw his bag down . ' A fire , ' he cried , ' in the name of human kindness ! A room and a fire ! ' He stamped his feet , shook the snow from his coat and followed Mrs Hall , the innkeeper 's wife , into her parlour . There he arranged to take a room in the inn and gave her two pounds . Mrs Hall lit the fire and left him there while she went to prepare him a meal with her own hands . To have a guest at Iping in the winter time was an unusual piece of good fortune , and she was determined to show that she deserved it . She put some meat on the fire to cook , told Millie , the servant , to get the room ready for the stranger , and carried the cloth , plates and glasses into the parlour , and began to lay the table . Although the fire was burning brightly , she was surprised to see that her visitor still wore his hat and coat , and stood with his back to her , looking out of the window at the falling snow in the yard . His gloved hands were held behind him , and he seemed to be thinking deeply . She noticed that some melted snow was falling onto the floor from his shoulders . ' Can I take your hat and coat , sir , ' she said , ' and dry them in the kitchen ? ' ' No , ' he replied , without turning . She was not sure that she had heard him , and was about to repeat the question . He turned his head and looked at her over his shoulder . ' I would rather keep them on , ' he said firmly ; and she noticed that he wore big blue glasses , and had a bushy beard over his coat collar that almost hid his face . ' Very well , sir , ' she said . ' As you like . Very soon the room will be warmer . ' He made no answer , and turned his face away from her again , and Mrs Hall , feeling that her talk was unwelcome , finished laying the table quickly , and hurried out of the room . When she returned he was still standing there like a man of stone , his collar turned up , the edge of his hat turned down , almost hiding his face and ears . She put down the eggs and meat noisily , and called rather than said to him : ' Your lunch is served , sir . ' ' Thank you , ' he answered . He did not move until she was closing the door . Then he turned round and walked eagerly up to the table . Mrs Hall filled the butter dish in the kitchen , and took it to the parlour . She knocked and entered at once . As she did so her visitor moved quickly , so that she only saw something white disappearing behind the table . He seemed to be picking up something from the floor . She put down the butter dish on the table , and noticed that the visitor 's hat and coat were hanging over a chair in front of the fire . ' I suppose I may have them to dry now ? ' she said , in a voice that could not be refused . ' Leave the hat , ' said her visitor , and turning , she saw he had raised his head and was looking at her . For a moment she stood looking at him , too surprised to speak . 2 He held his napkin over the lower part of his face , so that his mouth and jaws were completely hidden . But it was not that which surprised Mrs Hall . It was the fact that the top of his head above his blue glasses was covered by a white bandage , and that another covered his ears , leaving nothing of his face to be seen except his pink , pointed nose . It was bright pink , and shining , just as it had been at first . He wore a dark brown jacket , with a high black collar turned up about his neck . His thick black hair stuck out below and between the bandages . This bandaged head was so unlike what she had expected that for a moment she stood staring at it . He did not remove the napkin , but remained holding it , as she saw now , with a brown - gloved hand , and looking at her from behind his dark glasses . ' Leave the hat , ' he said , through the white cloth . She began to feel less afraid . She put the hat on the chair again by the fire . ' I didn 't know , sir , ' she began , ' that - ' And she stopped . ' Thank you , ' he said shortly , looking from her to the door , and then at her again . ' I 'll have it nicely dried , sir , at once , ' she said , and carried his coat out of the room . She looked at his bandaged head and dark glasses again as she was going out of the door ; but he was still holding his napkin in front of his face . She was shaking a little as she closed the door behind her . ' My goodness ! ' she whispered . She went straight to the kitchen , and did not even think of asking Millie what she was doing now . The visitor sat and listened to her footsteps . He looked out of the window before he removed his napkin from his face and began his meal again . He took a mouthful , looked again at the window , then rose and , taking the napkin in his hand , walked across the room and pulled down the blind . This darkened the room . He returned more happily to the table and his meal . 3 ' The poor man 's had an accident , or an operation or something , ' said Mrs Hall . ' What a shock those bandages gave me . ' She put some more coal on the fire , and hung the traveller 's coat to dry . ' And the glasses ! Why , he doesn 't look human at all . And holding that napkin over his mouth all the time . Talking through it ! . . . Perhaps his mouth was hurt too . ' She turned round , suddenly remembering something . ' Oh dear ! ' she said , ' Haven 't you done those potatoes yet , Millie ? ' When Mrs Hall went to clear away the stranger 's lunch , her idea that his mouth must also have been damaged in an accident was strengthened , for though he was smoking a pipe , all the time that she was in the room he kept the lower part of his face covered . He sat in the corner with his back to the window , and spoke now , having eaten and drunk and being comfortably warmed through , less impatiently than before . The light of the fire shone red in his glasses . ' I have some boxes , ' he said , ' at Bramblehurst Station . How can they be brought here ? ' Mrs Hall answered his question , and then said , ' It 's a steep road by the hill , sir . That 's where a carriage was turned over , a year ago and more . A gentleman was killed . Accidents , sir , happen in a moment , don 't they ? ' ' They do . ' ' But people take long enough to get well , sir , don 't they ? There was my sister 's son , Tom , who cut his arm with a scythe he fell on it out in the fields . He was three months tied up , sir . You 'd hardly believe it . I 've been afraid of scythes ever since , sir . ' ' I can quite understand that , ' said the visitor . ' We were afraid that he 'd have to have an operation , he was so bad , sir . ' The visitor laughed suddenly . ' Was he ? ' , 4 ' He was , sir . And it wasn 't funny for those who had to nurse him as I did , my sister being so busy with her little ones . There were bandages to do , sir , and bandages to undo . So that if I may say , sir - ' ' Will you get me some matches ? ' said the visitor quite suddenly . ' My pipe is out . ' Mrs Hall stopped . It was certainly rude of him after she had told him so much . But she remembered the two pounds , and went for the matches . ' Thanks , ' he said shortly , as she put them down , and turned his back upon her and looked out of the window again . Clearly he did not like talking about bandages . The visitor remained in the room until four o ' clock , without giving Mrs Hall an excuse for a visit . He was very quiet during that time : perhaps he sat in the growing darkness smoking by the firelight - perhaps he slept . Once or twice a listener might have heard him : for five minutes he could be heard walking up and down the room . He seemed to be talking to himself . Then he sat down again in the armchair . At four o ' clock , when it was fairly dark , and Mrs Hall was trying to find the courage to go in and ask her visitor if he would like some tea , Teddy Henfrey , the clock - mender , came into the bar . ' Good evening , Mrs Hall , ' said he , ' this is terrible snowy weather for thin boots ! ' Mrs Hall agreed , and then noticed he had his bag with him . ' Now you 're here , Mr Teddy ' said she , ' I 'd be glad if you 'd look at the old clock . It 's going , and it strikes loud and clear , but the hour hand does nothing except point to six . ' 5 And , leading the way , she went across to the parlour door and knocked . As she opened the door , she saw her visitor seated in the armchair in front of the fire , asleep , it seemed , with his bandaged head leaning on one side . The only light in the room was from the fire . Everything seemed hidden in shadows . But for a second it seemed to her that the man she was looking at had a great , wide - open mouth , a mouth that swallowed the whole of the lower part of his face . It was too ugly to believe , the white head , the staring glasses - and then a great hole . He moved , sat up straight and put up his hand . She opened the door wide , so that the room was lighter , and she saw him more clearly , with the napkin held to his face , just as she had seen him hold it before . The shadows , she thought , had tricked her . ' Would you mind , sir , if this man came to look at the clock , sir ? ' she said . ' Look at the clock ? ' he said , staring round sleepily and speaking over his hand ; and then , more fully awake , ' Certainly . ' Mrs Hall went away to get a lamp , and he rose and stretched himself . Then came the light , and at the door Mr Teddy Henfrey was met by this bandaged person . He was , he said later , ' quite shocked ' . ' Good afternoon , ' said the stranger , staring at him - as Mr Henfrey said - ' like a fish ' . ' I hope , ' said Mr Henfrey , ' that you don 't mind . ' ' Not at all , ' said the stranger . ' Though I understood , ' he said , turning to Mrs Hall , ' that this room was to be mine for my own use . ' ' I thought , sir , ' said Mrs Hall , ' you 'd like the clock - ' ' Certainly , ' said the stranger , ' certainly ; but at other times I would like to be left alone . ' He turned round with his back to the fireplace , and put his hands behind his back . ' And soon , ' he said , ' when the clock is 6 mended , I think I should like to have some tea . But not until then . ' Mrs Hall was about to leave the room - she did not try to talk this time - when her visitor asked her if she had done anything about his boxes at Bramblehurst . She told him that the carrier could bring them over the next day . ' You are certain that is the earliest ? ' he asked . She was quite sure . ' I should explain , ' he added , ' but I was really too cold and tired to do so before , that I am a scientist . ' ' Indeed , sir , ' said Mrs Hall , respectfully . ' And I need things from the boxes for my work . ' ' Of course , sir . ' ' My reason for coming to Iping , ' he went on slowly , ' was a desire to be alone . I do not wish to be disturbed in my work . Besides my work , an accident - ' ' I thought so , ' said Mrs Hall to herself . ' - makes it necessary for me to be quiet . My eyes are sometimes so weak and painful that I have to shut myself up in the dark for several hours and lock myself in . Sometimes - now and then . Not at present , certainly . At such times the least thing , even a stranger coming into the room , gives me great pain . It 's important that this should be understood . ' ' Certainly , sir , ' said Mrs Hall . ' And if I might ask - ' ' That , I think , is all , ' said the stranger quietly . Mrs Hall said no more . After Mrs Hall had left the room , he remained standing in front of the fire and watched the clock being mended . Mr Henfrey worked with the lamp close to him , and the green shade threw a bright light onto his hands and onto the frame and wheels , and left the rest of the room in shadow . He took longer than he needed to remove the works , hoping to have some talk with the stranger . But the stranger stood there , perfectly silent 7 and still . So still that it frightened Henfrey . He felt alone in the room and looked up , and there , grey and shadowy , were the bandaged head and large dark glasses staring straight in front of them . It was so strange to Henfrey that for a minute they stood staring at each other . Then Henfrey looked down again . He would have liked to say something . Should he say that the weather was very cold for the time of the year ? ' The weather - ' he began . ' Why don 't you finish and go ? ' said the stiff figure , angrily . ' All you 've got to do is to fix the hour hand . You 're simply wasting time . ' ' Certainly , sir - one minute more . I forgot . . . ' And Mr Henfrey finished and left the room . ' Really ! ' said Mr Henfrey to himself , walking down the village street through the falling snow . ' A man must mend a clock sometimes , surely ' And then , ' Can 't a man look at you ? Ugly ! ' And yet again , ' It seems he can 't . If you were wanted by the police , you couldn 't be more wrapped and bandaged . ' At the street corner he saw Hall , who had recently married the lady of the inn . ' Hello , Teddy ' said Hall , as he passed . ' You 've got a strange visitor ! ' said Teddy . Hall stopped . ' What did you say ? ' he asked . ' A strange man is staying at the inn , ' said Teddy . And he described Mrs Hall 's guest . ' It looks strange , doesn 't it ? I 'd like to see a man 's face if I had him staying in my house . But women are so foolish with strangers . He 's taken your rooms , and he hasn 't even given a name . ' ' Is that so ? ' said Hall , rather stupidly . ' Yes , ' said Teddy . ' And he 's got a lot of boxes coming tomorrow , so he says . ' Teddy walked on , easier in his mind . And after the stranger had gone to bed , which he did at about half past nine , Mr Hall went into the parlour and looked very 8 hard at the furniture , just to show that the stranger wasn 't master there . When he went to bed , he told Mrs Hall to look very closely at the stranger 's boxes when they came next day . . ' You mind your own business , Hall , ' said Mrs Hall , ' and I 'll mind mine . ' But in the middle of the night she woke up dreaming of great white heads that came after her , at the end of long necks , and with big black eyes . But being a sensible woman , she turned over and went to sleep again . That was how , on the ninth day of February , the stranger came to Iping village . Next day his boxes arrived . There were two trunks , indeed , such as any man might have , but also there was a box of books - big , fat books , of which some were in handwriting you couldn 't read - and 12 or more boxes and cases full of glass bottles , or so it seemed to Hall , as he pulled at the paper packing material . The stranger , covered up in hat , coat and gloves , came out impatiently to meet the carriage , while Hall was talking to Fearenside , the carrier , before helping to bring the boxes in . The stranger did not notice Fearenside 's dog , who was smelling at Hall 's legs . ' Come along with those boxes , ' he said . ' ' I 've been waiting long enough . ' And he came down the steps , as if to pick up the smaller case . As soon as Fearenside 's dog caught sight of him , however , it began to growl , and when he ran down the steps it went straight for his hand . Hall cried out and jumped back , for he was not very brave with dogs , and Fearenside shouted , ' Lie down ! ' and reached for his whip . They saw that the dog 's teeth had missed the stranger 's hand , 9 heard a kick , saw the dog jump and bite the stranger 's leg , and heard the sound of his trousers tearing . Then Fearenside 's whip cut into his dbg , who , crying with pain , ran under the wheels of the carriage . It was all done in a quick half minute . No one spoke , everyone shouted . The stranger looked at his torn glove and at his leg , then turned and ran up the steps into the inn . They heard him go across the passage and up the stairs to his bedroom . ' Come here , you ! ' said Fearenside to his dog , climbing off the carriage with his whip in his hand , while the dog watched him through the wheel . ' Come here ! ' he repeated . ' You 'd better ! ' Hall stood staring . ' He was bitten , ' he said . ' I 'd better go and see him . ' And he went to find the stranger . He met his wife in the passage . ' The carrier 's dog bit him , ' he told her . He went straight upstairs , pushed open the stranger 's door and went in . The blind was down and the room dark . He caught sight of a strange thing , a handless arm that seemed to be waving towards him , and a face of three large dark spots on white . Then he was struck in the chest and thrown out of the room , and the door was shut in his face and locked . All this happened so fast that it gave him no time to see anything clearly . A waving of shapes , a blow and a noise like a gun . There he stood in the dark little passage , wondering what he had seen . After a few minutes he came back to the little group that had formed outside the inn . There was Fearenside telling the story all over again for the second time ; there was Mrs Hall saying his dog had no right to bite her guests ; there was Huxter , the shopkeeper from over the road , asking questions ; Sandy Wadgers looking serious and women and children , all talking . Mr Hall , staring at them from the steps and listening , found it hard to believe that he had seen anything very strange happen upstairs . He wants no help , he says , ' he said in answer to his wife 's 10 question . ' We 'd better take his luggage in . ' ' He ought to have his leg looked at immediately , ' said Mr Huxter . ' I 'd shoot the dog , that 's what I 'd do , ' said a lady in the group . Suddenly the dog began growling again . ' Come along , ' cried an angry voice in the doorway , and there stood the stranger , with his coat collar turned up and the edge of his hat bent down . ' The sooner you get those things in , the better I 'll be pleased . ' His trousers and gloves had been changed . ' Were you hurt , sir ? ' said Fearenside . ' I 'm very sorry the dog - ' ' Not at all , ' said the stranger . ' It didn 't even break the skin . Hurry up with those things . ' As soon as the first box was carried into the parlour , the stranger began to unpack it eagerly , and from it he brought out bottles - little fat bottles , small thin bottles , blue bottles , bottles with round bodies and thin necks , large green glass bottles , large white glass bottles , wine bottles , bottles , bottles , bottles - and put them in rows on the table under the window , round the floor , on the shelf - everywhere . Case after case was full of bottles ; he emptied six of the cases and piled the packing material high on the floor and table . As soon as the cases were empty , the stranger went to the window and set to work , not troubling in the least about the paper , the fire which had gone out , the box of books outside or the boxes and other things that had gone upstairs . When Mrs Hall took his dinner in to him , he did not hear her until she had cleared away most of the paper and had put the food on the table . Then he half turned his head , and turned it away again . But she saw he had taken off his glasses ; they were beside him on the table , and he seemed to her to have no eyes . He put on his glasses again , and then turned and faced her . She was about to 11 complain about the paper on the floor , but he spoke first . ' I wish you wouldn 't come in without knocking , ' he said , angrily as usual . ' I knocked , but - ' ' But in my work I cannot have any - I must ask you - ' ' Certainly , sir . You can turn the key if you want to , you know . Any time . ' ' A very good idea , ' said the stranger . ' This paper , sir . If I might say - ' ' Don 't . If the paper is a problem , put it on the bill . ' He was so strange , standing there , with his bottles and his bad temper , that Mrs Hall was quite afraid . But she was a strongminded woman . ' Then I should like to know , sir , what you consider - ' ' A shilling - put a shilling on my bill . Surely a shilling 's enough ? ' ' Very well , ' said Mrs Hall , taking up the tablecloth and beginning to spread it over the table . ' If you 're satisfied , of course - ' He turned his back on her and sat down . All afternoon he worked with the door locked , and almost in silence . But once there was a noise of bottles ringing together , as though the table had been hit , and the crash of glass thrown down , and then came the sound of quick walking up and down the room . Fearing something was the matter , she went to the door and listened , not wanting to knock . I can 't go on , ' he was shouting ; ' I can 't go on ! Three hundred thousand , four hundred thousand ! It may take me all my life ! . . . Patience ! Patience , indeed ! . . . Fool ! Fool ! ' There was a noise of boots on the brick floor of the bar , and Mrs Hall could not stay to hear any more . When she returned , the room was silent again except for the faint sound of his chair and now and then of a bottle . It was all over ; the stranger had 12 returned to his work . Later , when she took in his tea , she saw broken glass in the corner of the room . She pointed at it . ' Put it on the bill , ' he said . ' In God 's name don 't worry me ! If there 's damage done , put it on the bill . ' And he went on with his writing . ' I 'll tell you something , ' said Fearenside . It was late in the afternoon , and they were in a little inn outside Iping . ' Well ? ' said Teddy Henfrey . ' This man you 're speaking of , that my dog bit . Well - he 's black . At least his legs are . I saw through the tear in his trousers and the tear in his glove . You 'd have expected a sort of pink to show , wouldn 't you ? Well - there was just blackness . I tell you he 's as black as my hat . ' ' Good heavens ! ' said Henfrey . ' It 's a very strange case indeed . Why , his nose is as pink as paint ! ' ' That 's true , ' said Fearenside . ' I know that . And I tell you what I 'm thinking . That man 's black here and white there - in pieces . And he daren 't show it . He 's a kind of half - breed . I 've heard of such things before . And it 's common with horses , as anyone can see . ' The stranger rarely left the inn by day , but in the evening he would go out , wrapped up to the eyes , whether the weather was cold or not , and he chose the loneliest paths . His glasses and bandaged face under his great black hat would appear suddenly out of the darkness to one or two workmen going home , and one night Teddy Henfrey , coming out of the Dog and Duck , was frightened by the stranger 's white , round head ( he was walking hat in hand ) lit by the sudden light of the open inn door . It 13 seemed doubtful whether the stranger hated boys more than they hated him , but there was certainly hatred enough on both sides . Of course they talked about him in Iping , and were unable to decide what his business was . Mrs Hall said he ' discovered things ' , that he had had an accident , and that he did not like people to see the ugly marks on his body . Some said that he was a criminal hiding from the police , and others that he was part white and part black , and ' if he chose to show himself at fairs he would make a great deal of money ' . A few thought that he was simply and harmlessly mad . And in the end some of the women began to think that he was a spirit or a magician . No one liked him , for he was always angry and never friendly . They drew to one side as he passed down the village street , and when he had gone by young men would put their coat collars up and turn the edges of their hats down , and follow him for a joke . Cuss , the doctor , was interested in the bandages and bottles . All through April and May he wanted to talk to the stranger , and at last he could bear it no longer and went to visit him . He was surprised to find that Mr Hall did not know his guest 's name . ' He gave a name , ' said Mrs Hall - this was untrue - ' but I didn 't hear it properly . ' She thought it seemed silly not to know the man 's name . Cuss could hear swearing inside the parlour . He knocked at the door and entered . ' Please forgive me for breaking in on you , ' said Cuss , and then the door closed and shut out Mrs Hall . She could hear the sound of voices for the next ten minutes , then a cry of surprise , a moving of feet , a chair being knocked over , a laugh , quick steps to the door , and Cuss appeared , his face white , his eyes staring over his shoulder . He left the door open behind him and , without looking at her , went across the hall and down the steps , and she heard his feet hurrying along the road . He carried his hat in his hand . She stood behind the bar , looking 14 at the open door of the parlour . Then she heard the stranger laughing quietly , and his footsteps came across the room . She could not see his face from where she stood . The parlour door shut loudly , and the place was silent again . Cuss went straight up the village to Bunting , the vicar . ' Am I mad ? ' Cuss began , as he entered the little study . ' Do I look like a madman ? ' ' What 's happened ? ' asked the vicar . ' That man at the inn . . . ' ' Well ? ' ' Give me something to drink , ' said Cuss , and he sat down . When his nerves had been steadied by a glass of wine he said , ' As I went in , he put his hands in his pockets and then he sat down in his chair . I told him I 'd heard he took an interest in scientific things . He said , " Yes . " I tried to talk to him . He got quite angry . . . Well , he told me that he had had a piece of paper . It was important , most important , most valuable . A list of . . . " Was it medicine ? " I asked . " Why do you want to know ? " was his answer . In any case , this paper was of great value . He had read it , put it down on the table and looked away . Then the wind had lifted it and blown it into the fire . He saw it go up the chimney . Just as he told me that , he lifted his arm . The sleeve was empty . I could see right up it . What can keep a sleeve up and open if there 's nothing in it ? ' " How can you move an empty sleeve like that ? " I asked . ' " Empty sleeve ? " he said . ' " Yes , " I said , " an empty sleeve . " ' " It 's an empty sleeve , is it ? You saw it was an empty sleeve ? " He stood up . I stood up too . He came towards me in three very slow steps , and stood quite close . ' " You said it was an empty sleeve ? " he said . ' " Certainly , " I said . ' Then very quietly he pulled his sleeve out of his pocket again , 15 and raised his arm towards me , as though he would show it to me again . He did it very , very slowly . I looked at it , holding my breath . " Well ? " I said , clearing my throat ; " there 's nothing in it . " ' I was beginning to feel frightened . I could see right down it . He put it out straight towards me , slowly , slowly - just like that until it was 6 inches from my face . Just imagine seeing an empty sleeve come at you like that ! And then - ' ' Well ? ' ' Something - it felt exactly like a finger and a thumb - pulled my nose . ' Bunting began to laugh . ' There wasn 't anything shout at the " there " . ' You was so shocked that I hit ran out of the room I left there ! ' said Cuss , his voice rising to a may laugh if you like , but I tell you I his sleeve hard and turned round and him - ' Cuss stopped . It was easy to see that he was afraid . He turned round in a helpless way , and took a second glass of wine . ' When I hit his sleeve , ' he said , ' I tell you , it felt exactly like hitting an arm . And there wasn 't an arm ! There wasn 't any arm at all ! ' Mr Bunting thought it over . ' It 's a very strange story , ' he said . He looked very serious . ' It really is a very strange story indeed . ' at first , but sat up in bed listening . She then clearly heard the sound of bare feet coming out of the next room and walking along the passage towards the stairs . As soon as she felt sure of this , she woke her husband as quietly as she could . He did not light the lamp , but put on his glasses and a pair of soft shoes , and went out of the bedroom to listen . He heard quite clearly someone moving in the study downstairs , and then the sound of a violent sneeze . At that he returned to his bedroom , armed himself with the poker , and went downstairs as silently as he could . Mrs Bunting stood at the top of the stairs . It was about four o ' clock , and the last darkness of the night had passed . There was a faint light in the passage ; the study door stood half open . Everything was quiet and still , except the sound of the stairs under Mr Bunting 's feet , and the slight movements in the study . He heard a drawer being opened , and a sound of papers . Then came some swearing , and a match was struck , and the study was full of yellow light . Mr Bunting was now in the hall , and through the half - open door he could see the desk , an open drawer , and a lamp burning on the desk . But he could not see the thief . He stood there considering what to do , and Mrs Bunting , her face white with fear , walked slowly downstairs after him . They heard the noise of coins , and knew that the thief had found the housekeeping money - two pounds and ten shillings in gold and silver . That sound made Mr Bunting very angry . Holding the poker firmly , he ran into the room , closely followed by Mrs Bunting . ' Come on , my dear , ' and then Mr Bunting stopped . The room was perfectly empty . But they knew that they had heard someone moving in the room . They stood still for half a minute . Then Mrs Bunting went across the room and looked behind the curtain , while Mr Bunting looked under the desk and up the chimney , and pushed the poker 17 The robbery at the Vicarage happened in the early hours of Whit Monday * the day when Iping held its spring fair . Mrs Bunting , it seems , woke up suddenly in the stillness that comes before the sunrise , with a strong feeling that the door of their bedroom had opened and closed . She did not wake her husband up into the darkness . Then they stood still looking at each other questioningly . ' I was quite sure - ' said Mrs Bunting . ' The lamp ! ' said Mr Bunting . ' Who lit the lamp ? ' ' The drawer ! ' said Mrs Bunting . ' And the money 's gone ! ' She went quickly to the doorway . ' Who in the world - ' There was a loud sneeze in the passage . They rushed out , and as they did so the kitchen door closed ! ' Bring the lamp ! ' said Mr Bunting , and led the way . As he opened the kitchen door , he saw the back door opening . The garden beyond was lit by the first , faint light of sunrise . He was certain that nothing went out of the door . It stood open for a moment , and then closed with a loud bang . They searched outside for a minute or more before they came back into the kitchen . The place was empty . They locked the back door and examined the kitchen and all the rooms thoroughly . There was no one to be found in the house , though they searched upstairs and down . When daylight came , the vicar and his wife were still searching ; by the unnecessary light of the dying lamp . ' Of all the surprising events , this is - ' began the vicar for the twentieth time . ' My dear , ' said Mrs Bunting , ' there 's the servant coming down . Just wait here until she has gone into the kitchen , and then go upstairs . ' Mrs Hall locked it the night before . At the sight of the front door he stopped ; then he went upstairs again . He knocked at the stranger 's door . There was no answer . He knocked again ; then pushed the door wide open and entered . It was as he expected . The bed , the room too , was empty . And what was still more strange , on the bed and chair were scattered the clothes , the only clothes so far as he knew , and the bandages of their guest . His big hat was hanging on the bedpost . As Mr Hall stood there he heard his wife 's voice coming from the kitchen . He turned and hurried down to her . ' Jenny , ' he said , ' he 's not in his room and the front door is unlocked . ' At first Mrs Hall did not understand , but as soon as she did she determined to see the empty room for herself . Hall went first . ' If he 's not there , his clothes are . And what is he doing without his clothes ? ' As they came out of the kitchen they both thought they heard the front door open and shut but , seeing it closed and seeing nothing there , neither said a word to the other about it at the time . Mrs Hall passed her husband in the passage , and ran on first upstairs . Someone on the staircase sneezed . Mr Hall , following six steps behind , thought that he heard her sneeze ; she , going first , thought that he was sneezing . She threw open the door and stood looking round the room . ' What a strange thing ! ' she said . She heard a cough close behind her , as it seemed , and , turning , was surprised to see her husband some distance away on the top stair . But in another moment he was beside her . She put her hand under the bedcovers . ' Cold , ' she said . ' He 's been up an hour or more . ' At that point , a most unexpected thing happened . The bedcovers pulled themselves together into a pile , and then jumped violently off the bed . It was just as if a hand had thrown 19 them to one side . Then the stranger 's hat jumped off the bedpost , flew through the air , and came straight at Mrs Hall 's face . Next , a piece of soap flew from the washstand . Finally the chair threw the stranger 's coat and trousers carelessly onto the floor , laughed in a voice very like the stranger 's , turned itself round so that its four legs pointed at Mrs Hall , seemed to take aim at her for a moment , and then moved quickly towards her . She cried out and turned , and the chair legs landed gently but firmly against her back and pushed her and Mr Hall out of the room . The door shut loudly and was locked . The chair and the bed seemed to be dancing for a moment , and then suddenly everything was still . Mrs Hall was left almost fainting in Mr Hall 's arms in the passage . It was with the greatest difficulty that Mr Hall and Millie , now dressed , succeeded in getting her downstairs . ' Spirits , ' said Mrs Hall . ' I know it 's spirits . I 've read about them in the papers . Tables and chairs dancing . ' ' Lock him out , ' she went on . ' Don 't let him come in again . I half guessed . . . I might have known . With those eyes and that bandaged head , and never going to church on Sunday . And all those bottles - more than it 's right for anyone to have . He 's put the spirits into the furniture . . . My good old furniture ! My poor dear mother used to sit in that chair when I was a little girl . And now it rises against me ! ' They sent Millie across the street through the golden five o ' clock sunshine to wake up Mr Sandy Wadgers , who was clever and might be able to help them . ' Magic , ' said Mr Wadgers and came to the inn greatly troubled . They wanted him to lead the way upstairs to the room , but he didn 't seem to be in any hurry . He preferred to talk in the passage . Then Mr Huxter came and joined in the talk . There was a great deal of talking , but nothing was done . ' Let 's have the facts first , ' said Mr Sandy Wadgers . ' Let 's be sure we 'd be acting perfectly right in breaking that door open . ' 20 And suddenly the door of the room upstairs opened by itself , and they saw coming down the stairs the wrapped - up figure of the stranger staring more blackly than ever through those large glasses . He came down stiffly and slowly , staring all the time ; he walked across the passage , staring , and then stopped . He entered the parlour , and suddenly and angrily shut the door in their faces . Not a word was spoken until the noise of the door had died away . They looked at one another . ' Well , I 've never seen anything like it ! ' said Mr Wadgers , more troubled than ever . ' If I were you , I 'd go in and ask him about it , ' Mr Wadgers advised Mr Hall . ' I 'd demand an explanation . ' It took some time to persuade Mr Hall to do it . At last he knocked , opened the door , and got as far as : ' Excuse me - ' ' Go to the devil ! ' said the stranger , ' and shut that door after you . ' And that was all . It was half past five when the stranger went into the little parlour of the Coach and Horses , and there he remained until nearly midday , with the blinds down and the door shut , and nobody went near him . All that time he could have eaten nothing . Three times he rang his bell , the third time loud and long , but no one answered him . ' Telling us to go to the devil , indeed ! ' said Mrs Hall . Soon came the story of the robbery at the Vicarage , and that started them thinking . Hall went off with Wadgers to find Mr Shuckleforth , the lawyer , and take his advice . No one went upstairs , and no one 21 knew what the stranger was doing . Now and then he walked rapidly up and down , and they heard him swearing , tearing paper , breaking bottles . The little group grew bigger . Mrs Huxter came over ; some young fellows joined them . There was a stream of unanswered questions . Young Archie Harker tried to look under the closed curtains . He could see nothing , but he was soon joined by other boys . And inside in the darkness of the parlour , the stranger , hungry and afraid , hidden in his uncomfortable hot clothes , stared through his dark glasses at his paper , or shook his dirty little bottles or swore at the boys outside the windows . In the corner by the fireplace lay the pieces of several broken bottles , and the sharp smell of a strange gas filled the air . At about midday he suddenly opened his parlour door and stood looking at the three or four people in the bar . ' Mrs Hall , ' he said . Somebody went and called for her . She soon appeared , a little short of breath , and so even more angry . Hall was still out . She had had time to think now , and had brought the stranger 's unpaid bill . ' Why wasn 't my breakfast laid ? ' he asked . ' Why haven 't you prepared my meals and answered my bell ? Do you think I can live without eating ? ' ' Why isn 't my bill paid ? ' said Mrs Hall . ' That 's what I want to know . ' ' I told you three days ago I was expecting some money - ' ' I told you three days ago I wasn 't going to wait . You can 't complain if your breakfast waits a bit , when my bill 's been waiting for five days , can you ? ' The stranger swore in answer . ' And I 'd thank you , sir , if you 'd keep your swearing to yourself , sir , ' said Mrs Hall . ' Look here , my good woman - ' he began . 22 ' Don 't call me your good woman , ' said Mrs Hall . ' I 've told you my money hasn 't come . ' ' Money indeed ! ' said Mrs Hall . ' Still , in my pocket - ' ' You told me three days ago that you hadn 't anything but a pound 's worth of silver on you . ' ' Well , I 've found some more . ' ' And where did you find that ? ' said Mrs Hall . He stamped his foot . ' What do you mean ? ' he said . ' I mean where did you find it ? ' said Mrs Hall . ' And before I take any money , or get any breakfasts , or do any such things , you must tell me one or two things that I don 't understand , and that nobody understands , and that everybody is very anxious to understand . I want to know what you have been doing to my chair upstairs , and I want to know why you went out of your bedroom and how you got in again . Those who stay here come in by the doors - that 's the rule of this house , and you didn 't do that , and what I want to know is how you did come in . And I want to know - ' Suddenly the stranger raised his gloved hands , stamped his foot , and said ' Stop ! ' so loudly that he silenced her at once . ' You don 't understand , ' he said , ' who I am or what I am . I 'll show you . By heaven ! I 'll show you . ' He put his open hand over his face and then took it away . His face became a black hole . ' Here , ' he said . He stepped forward and handed Mrs Hall something which she , staring at his face , took without thinking . Then , when she saw what it was , she screamed loudly and dropped it . The nose - it was the stranger 's nose , pink and shining ! - rolled on the floor . Then he removed his glasses , and everyone in the bar breathed deeply . He took off his hat , and tore at his beard and bandages . It was worse than anything they had ever seen . Mrs Hall , open - mouthed with terror , ran to the door of the house . 23 Everyone began to move . They had expected burns , wounds , something ugly , but they saw - nothing ! The bandages and false hair flew across the passage into the bar . Everyone fell over everyone else down the steps . For the man who stood there shouting was a man up to the shoulders , and then - nothing ! People down in the village heard shouts and saw the people rushing out of the inn . They saw Mrs Hall fall down , and Mr Henfrey jump , so as not to fall over her , and then they heard the frightful cries of Millie , who , running quickly from the kitchen at the noise , had come on the headless stranger from behind . Then her cries stopped suddenly . Everyone in the village street , old and young , about 40 or more of them , collected in a crowd around the inn door . ' What was he doing ? ' ' Ran at them with a knife . ' ' I heard the girl . ' ' No head , I tell you . ' ' Nonsense . ' ' Took off his bandages . ' Everyone spoke at once . Suddenly Mr Hall appeared , very red and determined , then Mr Bobby Jaffers , the village policeman , and then the serious Mr Wadgers . Mr Hall marched up the steps , walked straight to the door of the parlour and found it open . ' Policeman , ' he said , ' do your duty . ' Jaffers marched in , Hall next , Wadgers last . They saw the headless figure facing them , with a half - eaten piece of bread in one gloved hand and a piece of cheese in the other . ' That 's him , ' said Hall . ' What the devil 's this ? ' came in an angry voice from above the collar of the strange figure . ' Well , Mister , ' said Jaffers , ' I 've got to arrest you , head or no head . ' 24 ' Keep off ! ' said the stranger , jumping back . He took off his glove and with it struck Jaffers in the face . In another moment Jaffers had seized him by the handless wrist , and caught his invisible throat . He got a hard kick that made him shout with pain , but he kept his hold . A chair stood in the way , and fell with a crash as they came down together . ' Get hold of his feet , ' said Jaffers between his teeth to the other men . When he tried to obey this order , Mr Hall received a great kick in the chest that finished him for a time ; and Mr Wadgers , seeing that the headless stranger had rolled over and got on top of Jaffers , went backwards towards the door , and so fell against Mr Huxter and another man coming to help the policeman . Four bottles fell and broke on the floor , filling the room with a powerful smell . ' I give in , ' said the stranger , though he had thrown Jaffers down ; and in another moment he stood up , shaking , breathless . A strange thing , he looked , without head or hands . His voice seemed to come out of nothing . Jaffers also got up . The stranger ran his arm down his coat , and the buttons to which his empty sleeve pointed became undone . Then he bent down and seemed to touch his shoes . ' Why ! ' said Huxter suddenly , ' That 's not a man at all . It 's just empty clothes . Look ! You can see down his collar and his shirt . I could put my arm - ' He stretched out his hand ; it seemed to meet something in the air , and he pulled it back with a sharp cry of surprise . ' I wish you 'd keep your fingers out of my eye , ' shouted the voice in anger . ' The fact is , I 'm all here - head , hands , legs , and all the rest of it , but it happens I 'm invisible . But that 's no reason why you should put your fingers in my eye , is it ? ' The suit of clothes , now all unbuttoned , stood up . 25 Several other men had now come into the room , so that it was crowded . ' Invisible , eh ? ' said Huxter . ' Who ever heard of such a - ' ' It 's strange , perhaps , but it 's not a crime . Why am I attacked by a policeman in this way ? ' ' Ah ! That 's different , ' said Jaffers . ' I can 't see you , but I have orders to arrest you , not because you can 't be seen , but because a house has been robbed . ' ' Well ? ' ' And it looks as if - ' ' Nonsense , ' said the Invisible Man . ' I hope so , sir . But I 've got my orders . ' Suddenly the man sat down , and before anyone could think of stopping him , he had thrown off all his clothes - all except his shirt . ' Here , stop that , ' said Jaffers suddenly . ' Hold him , ' he cried . ' If he gets his shirt off - ' ' Hold him , ' shouted everyone , and there was a rush at the white shirt , which was now all that could be seen of the stranger . The shirt sleeve struck a blow in Hall 's face that sent him backward into old Toothsome , the gravedigger , and in another moment the shirt was lifted up , just like a shirt that is being pulled over a man 's head . Jaffers tore at it but only helped to pull it off . He was struck in the mouth out of the air , and lifted his stick and hit Teddy Henfrey hard on the top of his head . - Look out ! ' cried everybody , hitting everywhere at nothing . Hold him ! Shut the door ! Don 't let him go ! I 've got something ! Here he is ! ' Everybody was being hit at once , falling on one another . Sandy Wadgers opened the door and they fell out . The hitting went on . One man had a tooth broken , another a swollen ear . Jaffers was struck under the jaw . He caught at something hard that stood between him and Huxter . Then the whole mass of struggling , excited men fell out into the crowded hall . 26 The battle moved quickly to the house door . There were excited cries of ' Hold him ! ' , ' Invisible ! ' , and a young man , a stranger to the place , rushed in , caught something , missed his hold , and fell over another man 's body . Halfway across the road a woman fainted as something pushed past her , a dog ran growling into Huxter 's yard , and with that the Invisible Man was gone . For a moment people stood , not knowing what to do . And then they ran , scattered as the wind scatters dead leaves . But Jaffers lay quite still , face upward and knees bent . Mr Thomas Marvel , a tramp , had removed his boots and was sitting by the roadside airing his feet and looking sadly at his toes . They were the best boots he had worn for a long time , but he hated them for their ugliness and their size . ' The ugliest boots in the whole world , I should think , ' he said . ' They 're boots , anyway , ' said a Voice . ' Yes , ' Mr Marvel agreed . ' They were given to me . Too large . I 'm tired of them . That 's why I 've been begging for boots , boots , boots everywhere , but no one has any to give away . ' ' H 'm , ' said the Voice . ' No . I 've been begging for boots round here for ten years . I 've got all my boots around here , and now look at them - they 're the best they can find for me . ' He turned his head over his shoulder to look at the boots of the speaker - but they weren 't there . There were neither boots nor legs - nothing . ' Where are you ? ' he asked . He saw the road , the open country , but no sign of any man except himself . ' Am I mad ? I must be seeing things . ' ' No , you aren 't , ' said the Voice . ' Don 't be frightened . ' 27 ' Frightened , frightened ! ' said Mr Marvel . ' Come here . Where are you ? ' ' Don 't be frightened , ' said the Voice . ' You 'll be frightened soon . Let me get hold of you . Are you buried ? ' There was no answer . Mr Marvel began to put on his coat . ' I could have sworn I heard a voice . ' ' So you did . ' ' It 's there again , ' said Mr Marvel , closing his eyes and running his hand across his forehead . ' I must have gone mad . ' ' Don 't be a fool , ' said the Voice . ' You think I 'm just in your imagination - just in your mind ? ' ' What else can you be ? ' said Mr Marvel , rubbing the back of his neck . ' Very well , ' said the Voice , ' I 'm going to throw stones at you until you think differently . ' ' But where are you ? ' The Voice made no answer . A stone came whistling through the empty air and just missed Mr Marvel 's shoulder . He turned round and saw a stone jump up into the air , hang there for a moment , and fall at his feet . Another came and hit his bare toes , which made Mr Marvel cry aloud . Then he started to run , fell over something unseen , and came to rest sitting by the road . ' Now , ' said the Voice , ' am I just in your mind ? ' Mr Marvel struggled to his feet , and was immediately rolled over again . He lay quiet for a moment . ' If you struggle any more , ' said the Voice , ' I 'll throw this stone at your head . ' ' I 'm finished , ' said Mr Thomas Marvel , sitting up and taking his wounded toe in his hand . ' I don 't understand it . Stones throwing themselves . Stones talking . I 'm finished . ' ' It 's very simple , ' said the Voice . ' I 'm an invisible man . ' Tell me something I don 't know , ' said Mr Marvel , white with 28 the pain . ' Where you 're hidden - how you do it - I don 't know . ' ' I 'm invisible , ' said the Voice . ' That 's what I want you to understand . ' ' Anyone can see that . There 's no need for you to be so angry . Now then . Give us an idea . Where are you hidden ? ' ' I 'm invisible . That 's the point . And what I want you to understand is this - ' ' But where are you ? ' interrupted Mr Marvel . ' Here - six yards in front of you . ' ' Oh , no ! I 'm not blind . You 'll be telling me next you 're just thin air . ' ' Yes . I am - thin air . You 're looking through me . ' ' What ! Isn 't there anything in you ? ' ' I am just a human being - solid , needing food and drink , needing clothes , too . . . But I 'm invisible . You see ? Invisible . Simple idea . Invisible . ' ' What , are you real ? ' ' Yes , real . ' ' Let me feel your hand , ' said Marvel , ' if you are real . ' He felt with his fingers the hand that had closed round his wrist and his touch went up the arm , found a chest , and touched a bearded face . Mr Marvel 's own face showed shock and surprise . ' Of course , all this isn 't half so strange as you think , ' said the Invisible Man . ' It 's quite strange enough for me , ' said Mr Marvel . ' How do you manage it ? How is it done ? ' ' It 's a very long story . And besides - ' ' I tell you , the whole business is - I can 't understand , ' said Mr Marvel . ' What I want to say now is this : I need help . I need help immediately . I came on you suddenly . I was wandering around helpless , without clothes . And I saw you - ' 29 ' Oh , Lord ! ' said Mr Marvel . ' I came up behind you , stopped , went on , then stopped again . " Here , " I said to myself , " is the man for me . " So I turned and came back to you . You . And - ' ' Oh , Lord ? said Mr Marvel . ' May I ask : What does it feel like ? And what kind of help do you need ? Invisible ! ' ' I want you to help me get clothes and shelter , and then other things . I 've left those things long enough . If you won 't - well ! . . . But you will - you must ' ' Look here , ' said Mr Marvel . ' Don 't knock me about any more . And let me go . I must get my breath back . And you 've very nearly broken my toe . It 's all so unreasonable . Empty earth , empty sky . Nothing visible for miles except Nature . And then comes a voice . A voice out of heaven ! And stones . And a hand . Lord ! ' ' Pull yourself together , ' said the Voice , ' for you have to do the work I want you to do . ' Mr Marvel 's mouth opened wide , and his eyes were round . ' I 've chosen you , ' said the Voice . ' You are the only man except some of those fools down there who knows there is such a thing as an Invisible Man . You have to be my helper . Help me - and I will do great things for you . An Invisible Man is a man of great power . ' He stopped for a moment to sneeze loudly . ' But if you trick me , ' he said , ' if you fail to do as I tell you - ' He paused and took hold of Mr Marvel 's shoulder . Mr Marvel gave a cry of terror at the touch . ' I don 't want to trick you , ' he said , moving away from the fingers . ' Don 't think that , whatever you do . All I want to do is help you - j u s t tell me what I have got to do . Whatever you want done , I shall be pleased to do it . ' At about four o ' clock , a stranger entered the village from the direction of the hills . He was a short , fat person in a dirty old hat , and he seemed to be very much out of breath . There was fear in his face , and he seemed to be talking to himself . Some of the 30 village men noticed him . Mr Huxter saw him go up the steps of the inn , and turn towards the parlour . Mr Huxter heard voices from the parlour telling the man that he must not go in . ' That room 's private ! ' said Mr Hall , and the stranger shut the door and went into the bar . A few minutes later he came out again , rubbing his mouth as if he had been having a drink . He stood looking around him for a few moments , and then walked towards the gates of the yard , where the parlour window was . He leant against one of the gateposts and took out a short pipe . Although he seemed calm , his hands were trembling . Suddenly he put the pipe back in his pocket and disappeared into the yard . Immediately Mr Huxter , guessing that the man was a thief , ran out of his shop to stop him . As he did so , Mr Marvel reappeared , carrying some clothes tied together in one hand and three books in the other . As soon as he saw Huxter he turned and began to run towards the hill road . ' Stop thief ! ' cried Huxter , and set off after him . Mr Huxter had hardly gone any distance at all when something seized his leg and sent him flying through the air . He saw the ground suddenly move towards his face , and then nothing . At the time when Mr Marvel went into the inn , Mr Cuss and Mr Bunting were in the parlour , searching the stranger 's property in the hope of finding something to explain the events of the morning . Jaffers had recovered from his fall and had gone home . Mrs Hall had tidied the stranger 's clothes and put them away . And under the window where the stranger did his work , Mr Cuss found three big books . 31 ' Now , ' said Cuss , ' we shall learn something . ' But when they opened the books they could read nothing . Cuss turned the pages . ' Dear me , ' he said , ' I can 't understand . ' ' No pictures , nothing to show - ? ' asked Mr Bunting . ' See for yourself , ' said Mr Cuss , ' it 's all Greek or Russian or some other language . ' The door opened suddenly . Both men looked round . It was Mr Marvel . He held the door open for a moment . ' I beg your pardon , ' he said . ' Please shut that door , ' said Mr Cuss , and Mr Marvel went out . ' My nerves - my nerves are in pieces today , ' said Mr Cuss . ' It made me jump when the door opened like that . ' Mr Bunting smiled . ' Now let us look at the books again . It 's true that strange things have been happening in the village . But of course I can 't believe in an invisible man . I can 't ' ' No . Though I tell you I saw right down his sleeve . ' ' But are you sure ? ' said Mr Bunting . ' Are you quite sure ? ' ' Quite . I 've said so . There 's no doubt at all . Now let 's look at these books . ' They turned over the pages , unable to read a word of their strange language . Suddenly Mr Bunting felt something take hold of the back of his neck . He was unable to lift his head . ' Don 't move , little men , or I 'll knock your brains out . ' Mr Bunting looked at Cuss , whose face had turned white with fear . ' I am sorry to be rough , ' said the Voice . ' Since when did you learn to look through other men 's possessions ? ' Two noses struck the table . ' To come unasked into a stranger 's private room ! Listen . I am a strong man . I could kill you both and escape unseen , if I wanted to . If I let you go , you must promise to do as I tell you . ' ' Yes , ' said Mr Bunting . 32 Then the hands let their necks go and the two men sat up , now very red in the face . ' Don 't move , ' said the Voice . ' Here 's the poker , you see . ' They saw the poker dance in the air . It touched Mr Bunting 's nose . ' Now , where are my clothes ? Just now , though the days are quite warm enough for an invisible man to run about without anything on , the evenings are cold . I want some clothes . And I must also have those three books . ' While these things were going on in the parlour , and while Mr Huxter was watching Mr Marvel as he leaned smoking his pipe against the gate , Mr Hall and Teddy Henfrey stood talking nearby . Suddenly there came a loud knock on the door of the parlour , a cry , and then - silence . ' Hel - lo ! ' said Teddy Henfrey . ' Hel - lo ! ' from the bar . Mr Hall and Teddy looked at the door . ' Something 's wrong , ' said Hall . For a long time they listened . Strange noises were coming from behind the closed door , as if something was falling about . Then a sharp cry . ' No ! No , you don 't . ' Then silence . ' What 's that ? ' exclaimed Henfrey in a low voice . ' Is everything all right there ? ' called Hall . ' Quite ri - ight , ' came Mr Bunting 's voice , ' qui - ite ! Don 't come in ! ' They stood listening . ' I can 't ' , they heard Mr Bunting say . ' I tell you , sir , I will not . ' ' Who 's that speaking now ? ' asked Henfrey . 33 ' Mr Cuss , I suppose , ' said Hall . ' Can you hear anything ? ' Silence . ' Someone is throwing the table around , ' said Hall . Mrs Hall appeared behind the bar . When they told her , she would not believe anything strange was happening . Perhaps they were moving the chairs and table . ' Didn 't I hear the window ? ' said Henfrey . ' What window ? ' asked Mrs Hall . ' The parlour window , ' said Henfrey . Everyone stood listening . Mrs Hall , looking straight in front of her , saw , without seeing , the bright shape of the inn door , the white road , and Huxter 's shop - front shining in the June sun . Suddenly Huxter 's door opened , and Huxter appeared , his eyes staring with excitement , his arms waving in the air . ' Stop thief ] ' cried Huxter , and he ran towards the yard gates and disappeared . At the same time a noise came from the parlour , and there was the sound of windows being closed . Hall , Henfrey , and everyone in the bar rushed out into the street . They saw someone run round the corner towards the hill road , and Mr Huxter jump into the air and fall on his face and shoulder . Hall and two workmen ran down the street and saw Mr Marvel disappearing past the church wall . But Hall had hardly run 12 yards when he gave a loud shout and fell on his side , pulling one of the workmen with him . The second workman came up , and he too was knocked down . Then came the rush of the village crowd . The first man was surprised to see Huxter and Hall on the ground . Suddenly something happened to his feet , and he was lying on his back , the crowd was falling over him , and he was being sworn at by a number of angry people . When Hall , Henfrey and the workmen ran out of the house , Mrs Hall had remained in the bar . Suddenly the parlour door was 34 opened , Mr Cuss appeared and , without looking at her , rushed down the steps towards the corner of the street . ' Hold him ! ' he cried . ' Don 't let him drop those books and clothes ! You can see him so long as he holds them . ' He knew nothing of Marvel ; for the Invisible Man had handed over the books and clothes to him in the yard . The face of Mr Cuss was angry and determined , but there was something wrong with his clothes : he was wearing a tablecloth . ' Hold him ! ' he shouted . ' He 's got my trousers - and all the vicar 's clothes ! ' Coming round the corner to join the crowd , he was knocked off his feet and lay kicking on the ground . Somebody stepped on his finger . He struggled to his feet , something knocked against him and threw him on his knees again , and he saw that everyone was running back to the village . He rose again , and was hit behind the ear . He set off straight back to the village inn as fast as he could run , and on his way jumped over the body of Huxter , who was now sitting up . Behind him , as he was halfway up the inn steps , he heard a sudden cry of anger above the noise , and the sound of someone being struck in the face . He knew the voice as that of the Invisible Man . In another moment Mr Cuss was back in the parlour . ' He 's coming back , Bunting ! ' he said , rushing in . ' Save yourself ! ' Mr Bunting was standing in the window , trying to dress himself in the curtains and a newspaper . ' Who 's coming ? ' he said , so surprised that his dress nearly fell off him . ' The Invisible Man ! ' said Cuss , and rushed to the window . ' We 'd better move - quick . He 's fighting like a madman ! ' In another moment he was out in the yard . Mr Bunting heard a frightful struggle in the passage of the 35 Mr Marvel was walking painfully through the thick woods on the road to Bramblehurst . He looked very unhappy and was carrying three books and some clothes wrapped in a blue tablecloth . A Voice went with him and he was held tightly by unseen hands . ' If you try to escape again , ' said the Voice , ' I will kill you . ' ' I didn 't try to escape , ' said Mr Marvel . The Voice swore a few times and then stopped . Mr Marvel , who was not used to so much work , was very tired . There was silence for a time . Then , ' I shall have to make use of you . You are a poor creature , but I must . ' ' Yes , I am , ' said Marvel . ' You are , ' said the Voice . ' I 'm not strong , ' said Marvel . Then after a short silence he repeated , ' I 'm not strong . I 've got a weak heart . I can 't do what you want . ' ' I 'll make you , ' said the Voice . ' I wish I was dead , ' said Marvel . ' Go on ! Walk ! Move ! ' said the Voice . ' It 's cruel , ' said Marvel . ' Be quiet , ' said the Voice . ' I 'll see that you 're all right . But be quiet . I want to think . ' Soon they saw the lights of a village . ' I shall keep my hand on your shoulder , ' said the Voice . ' Go straight through the village , and don 't try to say anything to anybody . ' At ten o ' clock the next morning Mr Marvel , dirty , tired , and worried , sat outside a little inn at Port Stowe . Beside him were the books , but now they were tied up with string . He had left the clothes in the woods beyond Bramblehurst . Mr Marvel sat on a wooden seat and , although no one took any notice of him , he seemed excited . When he had been sitting for nearly an hour an old sailor , with a newspaper in his hand , came out of the inn and sat down beside him . ' Pleasant day , ' said the sailor . Mr Marvel looked around him with eyes that were full of terror . ' Very , ' he replied . The sailor looked around him as if he had nothing to do , and then at Mr Marvel 's dusty clothes and the books beside him . He had heard the sound of money being dropped into a pocket , and thought that Mr Marvel did not look like a man who would carry much money . ' Books ? ' he said suddenly . Mr Marvel jumped and looked at them . ' Oh , yes , ' he said . ' Yes , they 're books . ' ' There are some strange things in books , ' said the sailor . ' There are , ' said Mr Marvel . ' And some strange things out of them , ' said the sailor . ' True , ' said Mr Marvel . ' There are some strange things in newspapers , for example , ' said the sailor . ' There are . ' ' In this newspaper , ' said the sailor . ' Ah ! ' said Mr Marvel . ' There 's a story , ' said the sailor , ' there 's a story about an Invisible Man . ' And he told Mr Marvel as much of the story as 37 the newspaper contained . ' I don 't like it , ' he said . ' He might be anywhere , might be here at this moment listening to us . And just think , if he wanted to steal or kill , what is there to stop him ? ' Mr Marvel seemed to be listening for the least sound . ' Ah - and - well - ' he said . And lowering his voice , ' I know something about this Invisible Man . ' ' Oh , ' said the sailor , ' you ? ' ' Yes , ' said Mr Marvel , ' me . ' The sailor did not seem to believe Mr Marvel . ' It happened like this , ' Mr Marvel began , and then his expression changed suddenly . ' Ow ! ' he said . He rose stiffly from his seat , as if in pain . ' What 's the matter ? ' said the sailor . ' I - I think I must be going , ' said Mr Marvel . ' But you were just going to tell me about this Invisible Man , ' said the sailor . Mr Marvel seemed to think carefully . ' A lie , ' said a Voice . ' It 's a lie , ' said Mr Marvel . ' But it 's in the paper , ' said the sailor . ' Yes , ' said Mr Marvel loudly , ' but it 's a lie . I know the man who started it . There isn 't any Invisible Man at all . ' ' But this paper ? D ' you mean to say - ? ' ' Not a word of truth in it , ' said Mr Marvel firmly . The sailor stared , the paper in his hand . Mr Marvel turned round . ' Wait a bit , ' said the sailor , rising and speaking slowly . ' D ' you mean to say - ? ' ' I do , ' said Mr Marvel . ' Then why did you let me go on and tell you all this , then ? What do you mean by letting a man make a fool of himself like that for , eh ? ' ' Come along , ' said a Voice , and Mr Marvel was suddenly 38 turned round and he started marching off in a strange , jumpy manner . ' Silly devil , ' said the sailor , legs wide apart , watching the little man go . ' I 'll show you , you silly fool ! It 's here in the paper ! ' And there was another strange thing he was soon to hear about , that had happened quite close to him . And that was a ' hand full of money ' travelling by itself along by the wall . A sailor friend had seen this strange sight that very morning . He had tried to take the money and had been knocked down by an unseen hand , and when he had got to his feet the money had disappeared . The story of the flying money was true . And all round that neighbourhood , even from the bank , from shops and inns , money had quietly walked away . And it had found its way into MiMarvel 's pocket , so the sailor had heard . In the early evening time , Dr Kemp was sitting in his study on the hill above Burdock . It was a pleasant little upstairs room , with three windows - north , west , and south - with bookshelves crowded with books and with a broad writing table . Dr Kemp was a tall , thin man of about thirty - five , with fair hair . He was writing . His eye , soon wandering from his work , caught the sunset behind the hill opposite his house . For a minute , perhaps , he sat , pen in mouth , admiring the rich golden colour , and then he saw the little figure of a man running over the hill towards him . He was a shortish little man , in a dirty old hat , and he was running fast . Dr Kemp got up , went to the window , and stared at the hillside and the dark little figure running down it . ' He seems to 39 be in a hurry , ' said Dr Kemp to himself . Then the running man was hidden behind some houses ; he came into sight and disappeared again - still running . But those who were nearer to him saw the terror in his face . He looked neither to the right nor left , but his wide eyes stared straight down the hill to where the lamps were being lit and there were people crowding together in the street . Everybody he passed stopped and began staring up and down the road , and asking one another , half afraid , why the man was running so hard . And then , far up the hill , a dog playing in the road growled and ran under a gate , and something - a wind - a noise of feet , a sound like heavy breathing - rushed by . People cried out . People jumped off the footpath . They shouted as the thing rushed past them down the hill , and they were still shouting in the street before Marvel was halfway there . They were running into houses with the news and shutting the doors behind them . He heard it , and ran even faster . Fear came hurrying by , rushed ahead of him , and in a moment had seized the town . ' The Invisible Man is coming ! The Invisible Man ? At the bottom of the hill was an inn called the Happy Cricketers . Inside , the barman leant his fat red arms on the table and talked about horses with a cabman , while a black - bearded man who spoke like an American talked to a policeman . ' What 's the shouting about ? ' said the cabman , trying to see up the hill over the dirty yellow curtains in the low window of the inn . Somebody ran past outside . ' Fire , perhaps , ' said the barman . 40 The door was pushed open , and Marvel , crying , his hat gone , the neck of his coat torn open , rushed in and tried to shut the door . It was held half open by a door - stop . ' Coming ! ' he cried , his voice cracked with terror . ' He 's coming . The Invisible Man ! After me . Help ! Help ! Help ! ' ' Shut the doors , ' said the policeman . ' Who 's coming ? What 's the matter ? ' He went to the door and removed the door - stop , and the door shut with a bang . The man with the beard closed the other door . ' Let me hide , ' said Marvel , with tears running down his face . ' Let me hide . Lock me in somewhere . I tell you he 's after me . I escaped . He said he 'd kill me , and he will . ' ' You 're safe , ' said the man with the black beard . ' The door 's shut . What 's it all about ? ' ' Let me hide , ' said Marvel , and cried aloud as a blow suddenly made the locked door shake . The blow was followed by a hurried knocking and a shouting outside . ' Hello , ' cried the policeman , ' who 's there ? ' ' He 'll kill me , ' shouted Mr Marvel , ' he 's got a knife or something . Don 't open the door . Please don 't open the door . Where shall I hide ? ' ' Is this the Invisible Man , then ? ' asked the black - bearded man , with one hand behind him . ' I think it 's about time we saw him . ' The window of the inn was suddenly broken in , and there were shouts , and people running about in the street . The policeman had been standing on a chair , looking out of the window to see who was at the door . He got down . ' That 's who it is , ' he said . The barman stood in front of the parlour door , where Mr Marvel was now locked in , and stared at the broken window . Then he came round to the two other men . Everything was suddenly quiet . ' I wish I had my stick , ' said the policeman . ' If we open the door , he 'll come in . Nothing can stop him . ' 41 ' Don 't be in too much of a hurry about that door , ' said the cabman anxiously . ' Unlock it , ' said the man with the black beard , ' and if he comes . . . ' He showed them the revolver in his hand . ' That won 't do , ' said the policeman ; ' that 's murder . ' ' I know what country I 'm in , ' said the man with the beard . ' I 'm going to shoot at his legs . Unlock it . ' ' Not with that thing going off behind me , ' said the barman . ' Very well , ' said the man with the black beard . He stepped forward with his gun ready , and unlocked the door himself . Barman , cabman and policeman turned around . ' Come in , ' said the bearded man in a low voice , standing back and facing the door with his gun behind him . No one came in , and the door remained closed . ' Are all the doors of the house shut ? ' asked Marvel , five minutes later . ' He 's going round to the back . ' ' There 's the yard door , ' said the barman , ' and the private door . The yard door - ' He rushed out of the bar . In a minute he appeared again with a long sharp knife in his hand . ' The yard door was open , ' he said . ' He may be in the house now , ' said the cabman . The man with the beard put the gun back in his pocket . As he did so , the door opened , something rushed past them , and the parlour door burst open . They heard Marvel cry out and ran to his rescue . The bearded man 's revolver went off , and the mirror at the back of the parlour came crashing down on the floor . As the barman came into the room , he saw Marvel struggling against the door that led to the yard and kitchen . The door flew open and Marvel was dragged into the kitchen . The policeman , who had been trying to pass the barman , rushed in , followed by the cabman , caught hold of the invisible hand that held Marvel , was hit in the face and fell down . Then 42 the cabman took hold of something . ' I 've got him , ' said the cabman . ' Here he is ! ' said the barman . Mr Marvel suddenly dropped to the ground , and made an attempt to hide behind the legs of the fighting men . The struggle went backwards and forwards near the door . The voice of the Invisible Man was heard for the first time , as the policeman stepped on his foot . Then he cried out , and his arms flew out . The cabman was suddenly knocked to the ground by a kick in the stomach . The door into the bar parlour from the kitchen shut with a bang as Mr Marvel escaped through it . The men in the kitchen found themselves struggling with empty air . ' Where 's he gone ? ' cried the man with the beard . ' Out ? ' ' This way , ' said the policeman , stepping into the yard and stopping . A large stone flew by his head and fell on the kitchen table . ' I 'll show him , ' shouted the man with the black beard and he fired five rapid shots in the direction the stone had come from . As he fired , the man with the beard moved his hand slightly , so that his shots went from one side to the other of the narrow yard . A silence followed . ' Come along , ' he said , ' and feel around for his body . ' Dr Kemp was writing in his study when he heard the shots . Crack , crack , crack , they came , one after the other . ' Hello ! ' said Dr Kemp to himself , putting his pen into his mouth again and listening . ' Who 's letting off guns in Burdock ? What are they doing now ? ' He went to the south window , threw it up and , leaning out , stared down on the town . ' It looks like a crowd down by the 43 Happy Cricketers , ' he said to himself . Then his eyes wandered over the town to far away where the ships ' lights shone . The moon in its first quarter hung over the hill to the west , and the stars were clear and bright . Five minutes later , Dr Kemp pulled down the window again , and returned to his writing desk . It must have been about an hour after this that the front - door bell rang . He sat listening . He heard the servant go to the door , and waited for the sound of her feet on the staircase , but she did not come . ' What was that about ? ' Dr Kemp asked himself . He tried to go on with his work , failed , and went downstairs . He rang the bell and called to the servant as she appeared in the hall . ' Was that a letter ? ' he asked . ' Only the bell ringing , sir , and no one there , ' she answered . ' I 'm restless tonight , ' he said to himself . He went back to his study . Soon afterwards he was hard at work again , and his room was silent except for the sounds of the clock and his pen moving over the paper . It was two o ' clock before he had finished his work for the night . He rose and went upstairs to bed . When he had taken off his coat and shirt , he felt thirsty . He took a lamp and went down to the dining room in search of a drink . Dr Kemp 's scientific work had trained him to notice things quickly . As he crossed the hall , he saw a dark spot on the floor near the stairs . He went on upstairs , and then he asked himself what the dark spot on the floor might be . He went back to the hall , and , bending down , touched the spot . It looked and felt like drying blood . He returned upstairs , looking around him and thinking about the blood spot . Then suddenly he saw something which made 44 him stop . There was blood on the handle of his door . He looked at his own hand . It was quite clean . Then he remembered that the door of his room had been open when he came down from his study , and that he had not touched the handle at all . He went straight into his bedroom , his face quite calm - perhaps a little more determined than usual . . . He looked at the bed . There was a pool of blood , and the sheet was torn . He had not noticed this when he had been in the room before . The other side of the bed looked as if someone had been lying on it . Then he seemed to hear a low voice say , ' Help me ! - Kemp ! ' But Dr Kemp did not believe in ' voices ' . He stood staring at the sheets . Was it really a voice ? He looked around him again , and noticed nothing . But he clearly heard something move across the room . A strange feeling came over him . He closed the door of the room and came forward . Suddenly , with a shock , he saw a bloody bandage hanging in the air between him and the bed . He stared at it in surprise . It was an empty bandage - a bandage properly tied , but quite empty . He would have moved forward to take hold of it , but a touch stopped him and a voice spoke quite close to him . ' Kemp ! ' said the Voice . ' Eh ! ' said Kemp , with his mouth open . Said the Voice , ' I 'm an invisible man . ' Kemp made no answer for a moment or two , but simply stared at the bandage . ' The Invisible Man ? ' he said at last . ' I 'm an invisible man , ' repeated the Voice . ' I thought it was a lie , ' he said . ' Have you got a bandage on ? ' he asked . ' Yes , ' said the Invisible Man . ' Oh ! ' said Kemp , and then , ' I say ! But this is nonsense . It 's some trick . ' He stepped forward suddenly , stretched out his hand towards the bandage and met invisible fingers . 45 ' Keep steady , Kemp , in God 's name ! I want help badly . Stop ! ' The hand seized his arm . He struck at it . ' Kemp ! ' cried the Voice . ' Kemp , keep still ! ' A desire to free himself took hold of Kemp . But the hand held his shoulder , and he was suddenly pushed and fell backwards upon the bed . He opened his mouth to shout , and the corner of the sheet was pushed between his teeth . The Invisible Man held him down , but his arms were free , and he hit back fiercely . ' Listen to reason , will you ? ' said the Invisible Man . ' By heaven , you 'll make me mad ! Stop struggling and lie still ! Lie still ! ' Kemp struggled for another moment , and then lay still . ' Let me get up , ' he said . ' I 'll stay where I am . And let me sit quiet for a minute . ' He sat up and felt his neck . ' I 'm just an ordinary man - a man you used to know - made invisible . Do you remember Griffin ? ' ' Griffin ? ' repeated Kemp . ' Griffin , ' answered the Voice . ' A younger student than you . ' ' What has this to do with Griffin ? ' ' I am Griffin . ' Kemp laughed . ' It 's too much of a shock , ' he said . ' But what devil 's work can make a man invisible ? ' ' It 's no devil 's work . It 's honest and simple enough . ' ' It 's terrible ! ' said Kemp . ' How on earth - ? ' ' I 'm wounded and in pain , and tired . . . Great God ! Kemp , you are a man . Keep calm . Give me some food and drink , and let me sit down here . ' Kemp stared at the bandage as it moved across the room , then saw a chair slide along the floor and come to rest near the bed . It made a noise , and the seat sank slightly . He rubbed his eyes and felt his neck again . ' This beats magic , ' he said , and laughed stupidly . ' That 's better . Thank heaven , you 're becoming sensible ! ' 46 ' Or silly , ' said Kemp , and rubbed his eyes again . ' Give me something to drink . I 'm nearly dead . ' ' It didn 't feel like that . Where are you ? If I get up , shall I run into you ? There ! All right . A drink . . . Here . Where shall I give it you ? ' Kemp felt the glass taken out of his hand . He let it go into the air . It came to rest just in front of the chair seat . He stared at it . ' This . . . I don 't believe it . . . I must be mad . ' ' Nonsense ! ' said the Voice . ' Listen to me . I 'm hungry , and the night is cold to a man with no clothes on . ' ' Food ? ' offered Kemp . The glass emptied itself . ' Yes , ' said the Invisible Man , putting it down . ' Can you give me something to wear ? ' Kemp found some clothes . ' These ? ' he asked . They were taken from him . They hung in the air , buttoned themselves and sat down in the chair . ' The maddest thing I 've ever seen in my life , ' said Kemp . ' Some food ? ' Kemp went to the kitchen for some bread and some meat , returned and put them on a table in front of his guest . ' Never mind about a knife , ' said the Invisible Man : and a piece of meat hung in the air and disappeared with a sound of eating . ' I always like to have clothes on when I eat , ' said the Voice . ' Is your arm all right ? ' ' Not very painful . ' ' It 's all mad , as mad as can be . ' ' Quite reasonable , ' said the Invisible Man . ' But how 's it done ? ' began Kemp . ' What were the shots ? ' he asked . ' How did the shooting begin ? ' ' There was a man - I tried to make him help me ! - who tried to steal my money . And he has stolen it . ' ' Is he invisible too ? ' 47 ' No . ' ' Well ? ' ' Can 't I have some more to eat before I tell you all about it ? I 'm hungry - in pain . And you want me to tell stories ! ' Kemp got up . ' You didn 't do any shooting ? ' he asked . ' Not me , ' said his visitor . ' Some fool fired , a man I 'd never seen before . A lot of them got frightened . They all got frightened of me . I say - I want more to eat than this , Kemp . ' ' I 'll see whether there 's anything more to eat downstairs , ' said Kemp . ' Not much , I 'm afraid . ' Kemp found some more food . And when his guest had eaten , he told him to try to get some sleep . Though the Invisible Man was wounded and tired , he refused to accept Kemp 's word that no one would try to seize him . He examined the two windows of the bedroom , pulled up the blinds and opened the windows to see whether it was possible to get out that way , as Kemp had told him . Outside the night was very quiet and still , and the new moon was setting over the hill . Then he examined the key of the bedroom door . At last he was satisfied . He stood by the fireside and Kemp heard his breathing relax . ' I 'm sorry , ' said the Invisible Man , ' if I cannot tell you all that I 've done tonight , but I 'm so tired . It 's foolish , no doubt . It 's horrible ! But , believe me , Kemp , in spite of your arguments , it 's quite a possible thing . I 've made a discovery . I intended to keep it secret . I can 't . I must have someone to help me . And you . . . We can do such great things together . . . But tomorrow . Now , Kemp , I feel as though I must sleep or die . ' They said goodnight to each other , and Kemp stayed in his room , thinking . He picked up a newspaper and found that it was full of reports of the Invisible Man . As he read , he began to feel afraid of what his guest might do if he was allowed to stay free . He wrote a note and addressed it to " Colonel Adye , Port Burdock " . The next morning Kemp heard a loud noise and went to see his guest . ' What 's the matter ? ' asked Kemp , when the Invisible Man let him in . ' Nothing , ' was the answer . ' But , good heavens ! What was that crash ? ' ' I lost my temper , ' said the Invisible Man . ' I forgot this arm ; and it 's sore . ' ' You 're rather in the habit of losing your temper . ' ' I am . ' ' Your story is in the papers , ' Kemp said . The Invisible Man swore . ' Come and have some breakfast , ' said Kemp , leading the way . ' Before we can do anything else , ' he went on , ' I must understand a little more about you . ' He had sat down , with the air of a man who means to talk seriously . ' It 's simple enough , ' said Griffin . ' No doubt it 's simple enough to you , but - ' Kemp laughed . ' Well , yes , to me it seemed strange at first , no doubt . But we can still do great things ! I found the secret first at Chesilstowe College . ' ' Chesilstowe ? ' ' I went there after I left London . You know I have always been interested in light . ' ' Ah ! ' ' I said : " I will give my life to this . This is worth my trouble . " You know what fools we are at twenty - two . ' ' Fools then and fools now , ' said Kemp . ' As though just knowing could satisfy a man ! I saw a way to change the human body , or any other kind of body . . . ' And then the strange man , or rather the clothes of a man , sitting opposite 49 Kemp , explained how a student of science had disappeared . ' If you take a small piece of glass and crush it into powder , the powder is white and solid like salt . You can 't see through it . Human flesh , white paper , cloth , hair , are really made of a kind of powder . The tiny grains of powder break up the light which shines on them , so that it can 't shine through them , and that is why we can see flesh and paper . Now , if you could smooth the broken grains of powder so that they would not break up the light , they would no longer look solid . The light would shine through them , just as now the sun is shining through me . You can try it with a piece of white paper and a drop of oil . Pour a little oil on the paper and things will begin to show through it . If the oil is good enough and the paper is bad enough , you will be able to see through the paper to the print on the other side . That is because the oil is smooth and it smoothes out the rough surfaces of each little grain of the powder . ' Well , I found something which would do to human flesh what the oil does to the paper , and would do it so perfectly that there is no tiny part of my body which holds up the light . It is as if you had taken powdered glass and turned it back into the unbroken glass of that window . ' The explanation , as always between two scientists , led to all kinds of questions . Kemp was so surprised at the story that he nearly forgot that his friend was invisible . ' Yes , ' said the Voice , ' I had found it all . The way was open - and then - then after years of care and working in secret - then I knew that I could do nothing . I knew , and I was helpless . And that was after three years of secrecy and hard work . ' ' Why could you do nothing ? ' asked Kemp . ' I had no money , ' said the Invisible Man , and went to stare out of the window . He turned round . ' I robbed the old man - robbed my father . The money was not his , and he shot himself 50 For a moment Kemp sat in silence , staring at the back of the headless figure at the window . Then he rose , took the Invisible Man 's arm and turned him away from the view . ' You 're tired , ' he said , ' and while I 'm sitting down , you walk around . Have my chair . ' He got up and stood between Griffin and the nearest window . For a time Griffin sat silently , and then he went on with his story . ' I 'd already left the College , ' he said , ' when that happened . It was last December . I had taken a room in London , in a big house in Great Portland Street . ' It was all like a dream , that short visit to my father in my old home . When I returned to my room it seemed like waking from a dream to reality . Here were the things I knew and loved . Here was the equipment ; the experiments were arranged and waiting . And now there was hardly any difficulty left , beyond the planning of details . ' I will tell you , Kemp , sooner or later , all the complicated details . We need not talk about that now . For the most part , except for certain words I chose to remember , they are written in those books that that tramp has hidden , in a way that only I can understand . We must hunt him down . ' First I tried some white wool . It was the strangest thing in the world to see it lose its substance , like smoke , and disappear . I could hardly believe I had done it . I put my hand into the emptiness and there was the thing as solid as ever . I felt it , and threw it on the floor . I had a little trouble finding it again . ' And then I heard a noise behind me and , turning , saw a white cat , very dirty , outside the window . A thought came into my head . " Everything is ready for you , " I said , and went to the window , opened it , and called softly . She came in . The poor 51 creature was thirsty and I gave her some milk . After that she went smelling round the room , plainly with the idea of making herself at home . The invisible wool upset her a bit ; you should have seen her attack it ! But I made her comfortable on my bed . ' ' And then you made the cat invisible ? ' ' Yes : it took four hours . ' ' You don 't mean to say there 's an Invisible Cat in the world ? ' said Kemp . ' If it hasn 't been killed , ' said the Invisible Man . ' Why not ? ' ' Why not ? ' repeated Kemp . ' Go on . ' He was silent for a few minutes and then continued . ' My only clear thought , ' he said , ' was that the thing had to be completed . And it had to be done soon , for I had little money left . After a time I ate some food and went to sleep in my clothes on my bed . ' I was woken by a loud knock at the door . It was the owner of my room . He said I had been hurting a cat in the night , he was sure . He wanted to know all about it . I told him there had been no cat in my room . Then the noise of my experiments could be heard all over the house , he said . That was true , certainly . He came into the room , asked me what I was doing , and said it had always been a respectable house . In the end I got angry , pushed him out and shut the door . He made some noise outside , but I didn 't listen . After a time he " went away . ' But I didn 't know what he planned to do , nor even what he had the power to do . To move to new rooms would have meant delay - I had twenty pounds left in the world , most of it in a bank . If he brought the police , my room might be searched . What could I do ? Disappear ! Of course . It was all done that evening and night . ' There was some pain at first . I felt sick . At times I cried out . I talked aloud to myself . But I did not give up . I shall never forget seeing my hands . They became white as white paper and then , slowly , became like glass . And then - they had disappeared . At first 52 I was weak as a little child , walking on legs I could not see . ' I slept during the morning , pulling a sheet over my eyes to shut out the light , and I was woken again by a knocking . My strength had returned . I sat up and listened and heard talking . Soon the knocking was repeated and voices called . To gain time I answered them . My window opened on to a roof . I stepped through it , closed it , stood outside and watched . The old man and his two sons came into the room . ' You may imagine their surprise at finding the room empty . One of the younger men rushed to the window at once , threw it open and stared out . His eyes and his thick - lipped , bearded face came close to my own . He looked right through me . So did the others . The old man went and looked under the bed . ' While they were all talking together , I came back into the room , slipped past them , and went down the stairs . In one room I found a box of matches , and when they had come down I returned to my own room and set fire to the papers , the bedcovers and the furniture . ' ' You set the house on fire ? ' ' Set the house on fire ! Yes . It was the only way to hide my tracks . ' For the next hour he went on with his story , and Kemp listened . It was the story of how the Invisible Man had got some clothes , how he lived by getting food and drink wherever he could , of the shelter he found and the beds he slept in , until he came to Iping . men who were coming up the hill road - too slowly , as it seemed to Kemp . ' What were you planning to do , when you were going to Port Burdock ? Did you have a plan ? ' ' I was going to leave the country . But I have rather changed that plan since seeing you . I thought it would be wise , now the weather is hot , to make for the south . Especially as my secret was known , and everyone would be watching for a man all wrapped up like me . You have regular boats from here to France . My idea was to get on board one . Then I could go by train into Spain , or else to Algiers . It wouldn 't be difficult . There a man could be invisible all the time , but still live and do things . I was using that tramp as a moneybox and carrier until I decided how to get my books and things sent over to join me . ' ' That 's clear . ' ' And then he tried to rob me ! He has hidden my books , Kemp . Hidden my books ! If I can get hold of him , I 'll - ' ' You 'd better get the books from him first . ' ' But where is he ? Do you know ? ' ' He 's in the town police station , locked up , at his own request , in the strongest room in the place . ' ' The rat ! ' said the Invisible Man . ' But that delays your plans a little . ' ' We must get those books ; those books are necessary . ' ' Certainly , ' said Kemp , a little anxiously , unsure if he heard footsteps outside . ' Certainly we must get those books . But that won 't be difficult , if he doesn 't know they 're for you . ' ' No , ' said the Invisible Man , thoughtfully . Kemp tried to think of something to keep the conversation going , but the Invisible Man continued himself . ' Coming into your house , Kemp , ' he said , ' changes all my plans . For you are a man who can understand . You are a scientist . You have told no one I am here ? ' 54 ' Not a soul . ' ' If we are to make any use of being invisible , we must start by killing . ' ' Killing ? ' repeated Kemp . ' I 'm listening to your plan ; but I 'm not agreeing . Why killing ? ' ' The point is this : they know as well as we do that there is an Invisible Man - and that Invisible Man , Kemp , must now start to rule by terror . Yes ; I mean it . To rule by terror . He must take a town like your Burdock and put the fear of God into it . He must give orders . He can do that in many ways . And he must kill everybody who disobeys his orders , and everybody who works against him . ' ' Really ! ' said Kemp , no longer listening to Griffin , but to the sound of his front door opening and closing . The Invisible Man had also heard the sound . ' Listen ! ' he said . ' What is that downstairs ? ' ' Nothing , ' said Kemp ; and suddenly he began to speak loud and fast . ' I don 't agree to this , Griffin , ' he said . ' Understand me , I don 't agree to this . Why do you wish to be alone ? Why not tell everyone ? Think how much better it would be . You might have a million helpers . ' The Invisible Man raised his hand . ' There are footsteps coming upstairs , ' he said . ' Nonsense , ' said Kemp . ' Let me see , ' said the Invisible Man , and went to the door and listened . And then things happened very quickly . Suddenly the clothes sat down and opened as the unseen man began to undress . Kemp opened the door . As he opened it , there came sounds of hurrying feet and voices downstairs . With a quick movement Kemp pushed the Invisible Man back , jumped aside , and shut the door behind him . The key was 55 outside and ready . In another moment Griffin would have been locked in the room , except for one little thing : the key fell noisily on the floor . Kemp 's face became white . He tried to hold the door handle with both hands . For a moment he pulled at it . Then the door opened slightly , but he got it closed again . The second time it was opened a foot , and the clothes came into the opening . Kemp 's throat was seized by invisible fingers , and he let go of the handle in order to defend himself . He was forced back and thrown heavily to the floor . Halfway up the stairs was Colonel Adye , the chief of the Burdock police . He was staring at the sudden appearance of Kemp , followed by the clothes , which danced in the air . He saw Kemp fall and then struggle to his feet . He saw Kemp rush forward , and go down again . Then suddenly he was struck . By nothing ! A great weight , it seemed , jumped on him , and he was thrown down the staircase . An invisible foot stepped on his back , faint steps passed downstairs . He heard the two police officers in the hall shout and run , and the sound of the front door of the house as it shut . He rolled over and sat up staring . He saw Kemp coming down the staircase , his face white and bleeding . ' My God ! ' cried Kemp , ' I couldn 't stop him ! He 's gone ! ' Kemp took some time to explain to Colonel Adye what had happened . ' He 's mad , ' said Kemp . ' And evil . He thinks of nothing but his own advantage , his own safety . I 've listened this morning to a terrible story of cruelty and pride . He has wounded men . He 'll kill them unless we can prevent him . He plans to rule by terror . 56 Nothing can stop him . He 's loose outside there now - and he 's mad ! ' ' He must be caught , ' said Adye . ' That 's certain . ' ' But how ? ' cried Kemp , and suddenly became full of ideas . ' You must begin immediately ; you must set every man to work ; you must prevent him leaving this place . If he gets away , he may go through the country , killing as he goes . The only thing that may keep him here is the thought of finding some books which he values very much . I will tell you about them . There is a man in your police station - Marvel . ' ' I know , ' said Adye , ' I know . Those books - yes . But the Invisible Man - ' ' Says he hasn 't got them . But he thinks Marvel has . Now listen ! You must prevent him from eating or sleeping - day and night the country must be on the watch for him . Food must be locked up , all food , so that he will have to break into a house or shop to get it . The houses everywhere must be shut against him ; for 20 miles round Port Burdock , the whole country must begin hunting and keep on hunting . I tell you , Adye , he 's dangerous . Unless he is caught , it 's terrible to think of the things that may happen . ' ' Come along , ' said Colonel Adye . ' Tell me as we go . What else is there we can do ? ' In another moment Adye was leading the way downstairs . They found the front door open and the policemen standing outside staring at empty air . ' He 's got away , sir , ' said one . ' We must tell the police station at once , ' said Adye . ' One of you must go down and report and then come up and meet us - quickly . And now , Kemp , what else ? ' ' Dogs , ' said Kemp . ' Get dogs . They don 't see him , but they smell him . Get dogs . ' ' Good , ' said Adye . ' We have no suitable dogs , but the prison 57 officers over at Halstead know a man with bloodhounds . What else ? ' ' Remember , ' said Kemp , ' his food shows . You can see it for some time after he has eaten it , so he has to hide . You must keep on searching in every quiet corner . And put away all weapons - and everything that might be a weapon . He can 't carry such things for long . You must hide anything he can pick up and strike men with . ' ' Good again , ' said Adye . ' We 'll find him yet ! ' ' And the roads - ' said Kemp , and hesitated . ' Yes ? ' said Adye . ' Broken glass , ' said Kemp . ' It 's cruel , I know . But think of what he may do ! ' Adye drew the air in between his teeth sharply . ' It 's cruel . I don 't perhaps think we should . But I 'll have some broken glass ready . If he is killed , it will be only what he deserves . ' ' The man is mad , I tell you , ' said Kemp . ' He will do anything . We must catch him by any possible means . He has cut himself off from the human race . ' him in every direction . In the morning he had still been just a story , a terror ; in the afternoon , mainly because of Kemp 's story , he was shown to be a real enemy who had to be caught and held by force , and the countryside began organising itself very quickly . Before two o ' clock , he might still have escaped from the area by boarding a train , but after two that became impossible : every passenger train between Southampton , Winchester , Brighton and Horsham travelled with locked doors , and the goods trains were almost entirely stopped . And in a great circle of 20 miles round Port Burdock , men armed with guns and sticks were soon setting out in groups of three and four , with dogs , to search the roads and fields . Police on horseback followed the country roads , stopping at every house and warning people to lock their doors and not to go out unless they were armed . All the schools had closed before three o ' clock , and the frightened children , keeping together in groups , hurried home . A notice written by Kemp was put up everywhere , telling people clearly what must be done - that the Invisible Man must have neither food nor sleep , that a continuous watch must be kept for signs of him . Before night the whole country was on guard and also before night came news of the murder of Mr Wicksteed . Somewhere on the road the Invisible Man must have picked up an iron bar . Mr Wicksteed , a quiet , harmless man on his way home from work , had , no doubt , seen an iron bar walking by itself , and had turned to follow it . Perhaps the Invisible Man imagined he was one of the hunters . We only know that he stopped quiet little Mr Wicksteed , attacked him , broke his arm , knocked him down and beat his head to pieces . Then there is the story of a voice heard by some men in a field , laughing and crying . Across the field it went and was lost . The Invisible Man must have seen the use Kemp had made of his story . He must have found all the houses shut and locked , and 59 The Invisible Man seems to have rushed out of Kemp 's house in blind anger . A little child playing near Kemp 's gateway was violently picked up and thrown to one side - so that his leg was broken - and then for some hours the Invisible Man disappeared completely . No one knows where he went or what he did . But we can think of him hurrying through the hot June morning , up the hill and onto the open land behind Port Burdock , and hiding at last in the woods . There he hid for two hours , while a growing crowd of men was hunting him across the country with dogs , and searching for 58 seen the groups of men with dogs watching . He knew that he was a hunted man . In the night he must have eaten and slept , for on the last morning he was himself again and ready for his struggle against the world . ' There is no danger to you , ' he said . He thought for a time and then returned to his meal . Finally he struck the table . ' We will have him ! ' he said . ' He 'll go too far . ' He went up to his room , carefully shutting every door after him . ' It 's a game , ' he said , ' a strange game - but I shall win , Mr Griffin , ' he said . He stood at the window staring at the hot hillside . ' He must get food every day . Did he really sleep last night ? Out in the open somewhere ? I wish we could get some good cold , wet weather instead of the heat . He may be watching me now . ' He went close to the window . Something hit the wall above the window . ' I 'm getting worried , ' said Kemp . But it was five minutes before he went to the window again . ' It must have been a bird , ' he said . Soon he heard the front - door bell ringing and hurried downstairs . He unchained and unlocked the door , and opened it without showing himself . It was Adye . ' Your servant 's been attacked , Kemp , ' he said round the door . ' What ! ' exclaimed Kemp . ' She had that note of yours taken away from her . He 's very near . Let me in . ' Kemp opened the door a few inches , and Adye came in . He stood in the hall , looking at Kemp locking the door . Kemp swore . ' What a fool I was ! ' he said . ' I might have known . Already ! ' ' What 's the matter ? ' said Adye . ' Look here ! ' said Kemp , and led the way towards his study . He handed Adye the Invisible Man 's letter . Adye read it , ' And you - ? ' said Adye . The sound of a breaking window came from upstairs . Adye saw the little revolver half out of Kemp 's pocket . ' It 's a window 61 Kemp was reading a strange letter , written in pencil on a dirty sheet of paper . You have been very clever , though what you gain by it I cannot think . You are against me . For a whole day you have hunted me - you have tried to rob me of a night 's rest . But I have had food , I have slept , and we are only beginning . We are only beginning . There is nothing to be done but to start the Terror . This is the first day of the Terror . Port Burdock is no longer under the Queen . Tell your police , and the rest of them ; it is under me - the Terror ! I am Invisible Man the First . We shall begin with the death of a man named Kemp . He will die today . He may hide himself away , and collect guards around him ; Death , the unseen Death , is coming . The game begins . Death starts . If you help him , my people , Death may fall on you too . Today Kemp is to die . Kemp read this letter twice . ' That 's his voice ! ' he said , ' and he means it . ' He got up slowly , leaving his lunch unfinished - the letter had come by the one o ' clock post - and went into his study . He rang the bell for his servant , and told her to go round the house immediately , and see that all the windows were shut . He closed the study windows himself . From a locked drawer in his bedroom he took a little revolver , examined it carefully , and put it into his pocket . He wrote a number of short notes , one to Colonel Adye , and gave them to his servant to take . 60 upstairs ! ' said Kemp , and led the way up . There came a second noise while they were still on the staircase . When they reached the study they found two of the three windows broken , the floor covered with broken glass , and one big stone lying on the writing table . The two men stopped in the doorway . Kemp swore again , and as he did so the third window broke with a crack like a gunshot , and the broken glass fell into the room . ' What 's this for ? ' said Adye . ' It 's beginning , ' said Kemp . ' There 's no way of climbing up here ? ' ' Not even for a cat , ' said Kemp . Stones came flying in and then it sounded as if someone was banging on the windows downstairs . The two men stood outside the study , not knowing what to do . ' I know ! ' said Adye . ' Let me have a stick or something , and I 'll go down to the station and get the man with the bloodhounds . They 'll find him . ' Another window broke . ' You haven 't got a revolver ? ' asked Adye . Kemp 's hand went to his pocket . Then he paused . ' I haven 't one - at least , none that I want to part with . ' ' I 'll bring it back , ' said Adye . ' You 'll be safe here . ' Kemp gave him the weapon . ' Now for the door , ' said Adye . As they stood waiting in the hall , they heard one of the bedroom windows crack . Kemp went to the door and began to turn the key as silently as he could . His face was a little paler than usual . ' You must step straight out , ' he said . In another moment Adye was on the doorstep and the door was shut . He waited for a moment , feeling more comfortable with his back against the door . Then he marched down the steps . He crossed the grass and had almost reached the gate when 62 something moved near him . ' Stop a bit , ' said a Voice , and Adye stopped , with his hand on the revolver . ' Well ? ' said Adye . ' Please go back to the house , ' said the Voice . ' No , ' said Adye . He thought of trying a shot in the direction of the Voice . ' What are you going to do ? ' said the Voice . ' What I do is my own business , ' said Adye . The words were still on his lips when an arm came round his neck , he felt a knee in his back , and his head was forced backward . He fired the gun wildly , and in another moment he was struck in the mouth and the weapon was taken from his hand . He tried to struggle , and was thrown on his back . ' You devil ! ' said Adye . The Voice laughed . ' I would kill you now if it wasn 't a waste of a shot , ' it said . Adye saw the revolver in the air , 6 feet off , pointing at him . ' Well ? ' said Adye , sitting up . ' Get up , ' said the Voice . Adye stood up . ' Stand still , ' said the Voice , and then firmly . ' Don 't try any tricks . Remember I can see your face , if you can 't see mine . You 've got to go back to the house . ' ' He won 't let me in , ' said Adye . ' That 's a pity , ' said the Invisible Man . ' It isn 't you I want to kill . ' Adye glanced away from the revolver and saw the sea far off , very blue and dark under the bright sun . He saw the smooth green hill , the white rocks of the coast , and the spreading town , and suddenly he knew that life was very sweet . His eyes came back to this little metal thing hanging between heaven and earth , six feet away . ' What must I do ? ' he asked . ' What must I do ? ' asked the Invisible Man . ' If I let you go , 63 you 'll get help . The only thing is for you to go back to the house . ' ' I 'll try . If he lets me in , will you promise not to charge the door ? ' ' I don 't want to fight you , ' said the Voice . Kemp had hurried upstairs after letting Adye out , and now , looking through a broken window , he saw Adye stand talking with the unseen enemy . ' Why doesn 't he fire ? ' said Kemp to himself . Then the revolver moved a little . ' That 's strange ! ' he said . ' Adye has given up the revolver . ' ' Promise not to charge the door , ' Adye was saying . ' Give me a chance . ' ' Just go back to the house . I tell you I 'll promise nothing . ' Adye seemed to decide suddenly . He turned towards the house , and walked slowly with his hands behind him . Kemp watched him . The revolver appeared , a small dark object , following Adye . Then things happened very quickly . Adye jumped at the small object , missed it , threw up his hands and fell forward on his face . A little ball of blue smoke rose into the air . Kemp did not hear the sound of the shot . Adye raised himself on one arm , fell forward , and lay still . For a time Kemp remained looking at Adye as he lay peacefully on the grass . The day was very hot and still . Nothing seemed to move . Adye lay on the grass near the gate . The curtains of all the houses down the hill road were drawn , but in one little green garden hut was a white figure , rather like an old man asleep . Kemp 's eyes returned to Adye - the game was not beginning well ! Then came a ringing and a knocking at the front door , but nobody opened it . Silence followed . Kemp sat listening and then began to look carefully out of the three windows , one after another . He went to the stairs and stood listening anxiously . What was his enemy doing ? Suddenly there was a banging from below . He waited and 64 went down the stairs again . The house was filled with the sound of heavy blows and breaking wood . He went into the kitchen . The door was being broken down with an axe . Kemp went back into the passage , trying to think . In a moment the Invisible Man would be in the kitchen . This door would not keep him a moment , and the - The front - door bell rang again and Kemp heard voices . It was the policemen with the servant . He ran into the hall , opened the door , and three people fell into the house in a pile . Kemp shut the door again . ' The Invisible Man ! ' said Kemp . ' He has a revolver - with two shots left . He 's killed Adye . At least , he 's shot him . Didn 't you see him on the grass ? He 's lying there . ' ' Who ? ' said one of the policemen . ' Adye , ' said Kemp . ' We came round the back way , ' said the girl . ' What 's that banging ? ' asked one of the policemen . ' He 's in the kitchen - or will be . He 's found an axe - ' Suddenly the house was full of the sound of the Invisible Man 's blows on the kitchen door . The girl stared towards the kitchen and stepped into the dining room . Kemp tried to explain in broken sentences . They heard the kitchen door breaking open . ' This way , ' cried Kemp , and he pushed the policemen into the dining room doorway . ' The pokers , ' said Kemp , and rushed to the fire . He handed a poker to each of the policemen . He suddenly threw himself backwards . ' Whup ! ' said one policeman , jumped to one side and caught the axe on his poker . The revolver cracked and shot a hole in a picture . The second policeman brought his poker down on the little weapon and sent it to the floor . The axe went back into the passage . They could hear the Invisible Man breathing . 65 ' Stand away , you two , ' he said . ' I want that man Kemp . ' ' We want you , ' said the first policeman , taking a quick step forward and striking with his poker at the Voice . The Invisible Man must have stepped back and fallen over a chair . Then , as the policeman went after him , the Invisible Man returned and struck him down . But the second policeman , aiming behind the axe with his poker , hit something soft that cracked . There was a sharp cry of pain , and then the axe fell to the ground . The policeman struck again at emptiness and hit nothing ; he put his foot on the axe and struck again . Then he stood , holding the poker , listening for the slightest movement . He heard a window open , and a quick rush of feet outside . His companion rolled over and sat up , with blood running down between his eye and ear . ' Where is he ? ' asked the man on the floor . ' I don 't know . I 've hit him . He 's standing somewhere in the hall unless he 's slipped past you . Dr Kemp - sir ! ' ' Dr Kemp , ' cried the policeman again . The second policeman began struggling to his feet . He stood up . Suddenly the faint sound of bare feet could be heard . ' Whup ! ' cried the first policeman , and threw his poker . He started to go after the Invisible Man . Then he changed his mind and stepped into the dining room . ' Dr Kemp - ' he began . The dining - room window was wide open , and neither servant nor Kemp was to be seen . seemed to run so slowly . People looked at him . They saw fear in his face . Now he was rushing to the town below , where people were standing or walking in groups . He slowed down and then heard rapid footsteps behind . ' The Invisible Man , ' he cried . He thought of going into the police station , but changed his mind , turned down a side street and then into a yard , into a little house and so back into the main road . A crowd had collected in the street ; there was a noise of running feet . A big man , a few yards away , was swinging a heavy spade , striking at something . Another man came out of a shop with a thick stick in his hand . ' Spread out ! Spread out ! ' cried someone . Kemp stopped and looked round , breathing heavily . ' He 's close ! ' he cried . ' Form a line across - ' He was hit hard under the ear and tried to turn round towards his unseen enemy . Then he was hit again under the jaw , and fell to the ground . In another moment a knee was digging into his chest and hands held his throat , but one hand was weaker than the other ; then the spade of the big man came through the air above him , and struck something . He felt warm blood on his face . The hold on his throat was loosened and Kemp rolled on top of his enemy . ' I 've got him ! ' cried Kemp . ' Help ! Help - hold him ! He 's down ! Hold his feet ! ' In another second there was a rush of people to the struggle . There was no shouting after Kemp 's cry - only a sound of blows and feet and heavy breathing . Then the Invisible Man got to his feet . Kemp still held his legs . Then someone got hold of his neck and pulled him back . Down went the pile of struggling , kicking men again . Then suddenly came a wild cry that died away into silence . ' Get back ! ' cried Kemp . ' He 's hurt , I tell you . Stand back . ' 67 A doctor was feeling the unseen body . ' The mouth is all wet , ' he said . He stood up quickly , and then knelt down on the ground by the side of the unseen thing . More people joined the pushing crowd . Men were coming out of the houses . The doors of the inn stood wide open . Very little was said . Kemp felt around him ; his hands seemed to pass through empty air . ' He 's not breathing , ' he said , and then , ' I cannot feel his heart . His side - ugh ! ' An old woman , looking under the arm of the big man with the spade , cried out . ' Look there ! ' she said , and pointed . And looking where she pointed , everyone saw a shadowy , cloudy body . At first , they could see through it , but it was becoming more solid every moment . ' Hello ! ' cried the policeman . ' Here are his feet showing ! ' And so , slowly , beginning at his hands and feet , and spreading slowly to the centre of his body , that strange change continued . It was like the slow movement of a poison . They saw the glassy bones , then the flesh and skin , misty at first but slowly growing thicker and harder and more solid . Soon they could see his chest and his shoulders , and the faint shape of his face . When at last the crowd made way for Kemp to stand back , there lay the bare and broken body of a young man of about thirty . His hair was white - not grey with age , but white as snow - and his eyes were bright like jewels . His expression was one of anger and fear . ' Cover his face ! ' cried a man . ' In God 's name , cover that face ! ' Someone brought a sheet . They covered him , and carried him into the inn . And there it was , on a bed in an ill - lighted bedroom , among a crowd of excited people , that Griffin , the first of all men to make himself invisible , ended his strange and terrible life . ACTIVITIES Chapters 1 - 3 Before you read 1 What is an ' invisible man ' ? Why do you think someone might want to become invisible ? 2 Find the words in italics in your dictionary . They are all in the story . Answer the questions . a Do you use a napkin in a dining - room or in a bedroom ? b Does a businessman or a farmer use a scythe ? c Is a shilling a coin or a tool ? d Would you probably see a vicar at a football game or a funeral ? e Does an inn have bedrooms for guests or shops for customers ? f g n i Is a carriage pulled by a car or by horses ? Would you see a coach on a river or on a road ? Do you sit and chat or wash the dishes in a parlour ? What kind of animal growls - a cat or a dog ? After you read 3 Are these statements about the Invisible Man true or false ? Correct the false ones . a He feels the cold . b He eats and smokes . c He enjoys the company of others . d He has money . e He gives Mrs Hall his name and address . f He is a scientist . g There is nothing under his clothes . 4 Who are : a Mr and Mrs Hall ? b Millie ? c Teddy Henfrey ? d Fearenside ? e Cuss ? f Bunting ? 5 Work in pairs . Imagine a conversation between Mrs Hall and Cuss . Student A : You are Mrs Hall . Describe the Invisible Man 's appearance on his arrival at the inn , and say how you felt about him . Student B : You are Cuss . Explain why you decided to talk to the stranger , what happened and how you felt . Then , still playing these parts , discuss possible explanations for this strange figure . Chapters 5 - 8 Before you read 6 Look at the titles of the next few chapters . What do you think the answers are to the questions ? The Robbery at the Vicarage a Who is the thief ? b What does he steal ? The Furniture That Went Mad c How does furniture ' go mad ' ? The Stranger Shows His Face d Who does he show it to ? e What does it look like ? On the Road f Why does the stranger leave the inn ? 7 Find these words in your dictionary . arrest bare poker sneeze tramp visible Match them with the right groups . Think of a word or phrase to describe each group . a arrest 1 ill , cold , sore throat b bare 2 beg , poor , unemployed c poker 3 seen , obvious , clear d sneeze 4 police , jail , criminal e tramp 5 fire , coal , wood f visible 6 undressed , embarrassing , freezing 8 Write a sentence for each of the new words . Use the new word and at least one of the other words from Exercise 7 in each sentence . 70 After you read 9 As you read , find the answers to the questions in Activity 6 . 10 Why : a do the Buntings wait until the servant is in the kitchen before they go upstairs ? b do the Halls hear coughs and sneezes on their stairs ? c does Mrs Hall stop answering the stranger 's bell ? d does the stranger 's nose roll across the floor ? e does he take his shirt off ? f does Jaffers lie on the ground without moving ? g does the Invisible Man throw stones at the tramp ? h does the tramp try to enter the parlour at the inn ? 11 Explain how : a Mr and Mrs Bunting are robbed . b the Halls know that the stranger left the inn during the night . c the stranger removes Mrs Hall from his bedroom . d the stranger escapes from the policeman and the villagers . Chapters 9 - 13 Before you read 12 How do you think Mr Marvel managed to take the clothes and books from the inn ? After you read 13 Who is talking to whom ? Who or what are they talking about ? a ' . . . it 's all Greek or Russian or some other language . ' b ' He 's got my trousers - and all the vicar 's clothes ! ' c ' I 've got a weak heart . ' d ' There isn 't any Invisible Man at all . ' e ' He seems to be in a hurry . ' 14 What is ' the story of the flying money ' ? 15 Discuss the development of the Invisible Man 's character and attitudes . What was he like when he arrived at the inn ? What is he like now ? How do you think he will change as the story continues ? Chapters 14 - 17 Before you read 16 Give your opinion . a Will Mr Marvel escape from the Invisible Man ? b How will Dr Kemp become important to the story ? c Is there any way of catching someone who is invisible ? 17 Check the meaning of these words in your dictionary . cricketer revolver colonel experiment cabman Three of them are people , one is made of metal and one is a type of test . Which is which ? 18 Which thing or person from Exercise 17 would you see in these places ? a a soldier 's hand b an army office c a sports field d a carriage e a laboratory After you read 19 Use one word to complete these sentences . a Mr Marvel is of the Invisible Man . b The man with the black beard 's solution is to the Invisible Man . c Dr Kemp shares a house with his d A spot of is the first evidence of the Invisible Man 's presence in Kemp 's house . e Dr Kemp finds it to believe that a man can be invisible . f He believes that Griffin should be g As a science student , Griffin was interested in h His father himself because he owed the money that Griffin had stolen from him . i Before Griffin left his room in London , he set to the house . 20 Work in pairs and act out the conversation between Dr Kemp and Griffin , using your own words . Student A : You are Dr Kemp . Ask questions to find out how and why Griffin became invisible . Student B : Answer Dr Kemp 's questions by telling the story of your scientific experiments . Chapters 18 - 22 Before you read 21 What has driven Griffin to behave as he does ? How far do you think he is prepared to go to achieve his aims ? 22 What are these words in your language ? Find them in your dictionary . axe bloodhound Mark each sentence A for axe or B for bloodhound . a It has a tail . b It has a handle . c It likes to go hunting . d It is used for cutting wood . e It has a heavy metal blade . f It has sharp teeth . After you read 23 Answer these questions about the story . 1 What did Griffin plan to do in Port Burdock ? 2 What does he tell Kemp is his plan now ? 3 What does Kemp plan to do when Adye and his men arrive ? 4 Why does his plan fail ? 5 What happens to Mr Wicksteed ? 6 Who is the next person to be wounded or killed ? 7 Who catches Griffin ? 8 What happens to Griffin as he dies ? 24 Discuss the measures that Kemp explains to Colonel Adye are necessary to catch Griffin . How helpful is his advice ? Writing 25 What kind of man is Griffin ? Describe his character . 26 Imagine you are Kemp . Write a letter to a college friend who also knew Griffin . Tell him / her about your recent experiences . 27 Choose a character other than Griffin and Kemp and explain the part he / she plays in the story . 27 Imagine that you could make yourself invisible . How would you use this ability ? 28 The writer appears to be making a connection between scientific discovery and power . What possible connections can there be ? Give other true examples of the way scientific discoveries have been used to harm or control others . 29 Write a book report for someone who is considering reading The Invisible Man . Without spoiling the story by telling too much of it , explain why you did or did not enjoy it . Footer MenuAboutAbout ScribdPressOur blogJoin our team ! Contact UsJoin todayInvite FriendsGiftsLegalTermsPrivacyCopyrightSupportHelp / FAQAccessibilityPurchase helpAdChoicesPublishersSocial MediaCopyright © 2017 Scribd Inc . . Browse Books . Mobile Site . Site Directory . Site Language : English中文EspañolالعربيةPortuguês日本語DeutschFrançaisTurkceРусский языкTiếng việtJęzyk polskiBahasa indonesiaSign up to vote on this titleUsefulNot usefulYou 're Reading a Free PreviewDownloadFooter MenuAboutAbout ScribdPressOur blogJoin our team ! 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This year , Valentine 's Day fell on a Sunday . . . it seemed like ages since the last time it was on a Sunday . The three roommates were excited about the prospect of having the entire day to celebrate ; they even went as far as going to bed relatively early on Saturday in order to be fully rested for the next day 's festivities . Penny woke up around 10 . She got up and dressed in her typical Valentine 's Day attire - a white shirt with tiny red hearts on it , and overalls . She pulled her hair back with a butterfly clip , which was able to hold back most of it , but a number of strands fell out almost immediately . Not that Penny cared . After all , that 's what today was all about . When she moved in with Mik and Tara , she started a tradition that they had followed ever since . Valentine 's Day was spent with each other , rather than their boyfriends , if they had any at the moment . Penny made the rules for the event - Dress casual and comfortable , no makeup . No cooking . No cleaning . No working on cases at home . It was their day to enjoy themselves Pen made her way to the kitchen and had a glass of OJ . It was really too late to eat breakfast , so she put on her socks and waited for her friends to wake up so they could start the party . As she waited , she called the florist to make sure that they were going to deliver the flowers the girls had ordered at the time they had specified . . . and the florist assured her that they would . After about 5 minutes Mik showed up , followed by Tara a short time later . Mik was still in her nightgown - a long , white frilly thing that came right out of Scarlett O ' Hara 's closet , while Tara had a red sweater and jeans on . " Are we ready ? " she asked , and the two girls nodded . They followed her into the living room , Tara with a spoon in her hand , Mik with a brush in hers . Penny popped in their special tape and produced a screwdriver from her pocket . As soon as the music started , the three began their lip - synching frenzy , each using the items in their hands as microphones . The music varied from Cyndi Lauper 's " Girls Just Wanna Have Fun " to Meredith Brooks ' " Bitch . " Mik cranked up the volume and the three girls danced around the house to their favorite songs . They did this for an hour , with the grand finale in the living room being " It 's Raining Men . " Mik and Tara collapsed on the couch , while Penny went straight to the floor , all of them completely out of breath . " Let 's , " Mik and Pen agreed . A half an hour later , they parked their butts on the couch , a large pizza with ham , green peppers , and extra cheese on the coffee table in front of them . Tara popped the cork of their sparkling cider - non - alcoholic , for Mik 's sake - and poured them each a liberal amount in their crystal wine glasses . When they were finally settled , Mik and Tara looked at Penny , waiting for her to make the toast . " To us , " she said , raising her glass , " The closest of friends . And to our men , who at this very moment are receiving a dozen red roses from us . " " Yeah , that and ' Oh my God , it 's Valentine 's Day ! ' " Penny giggled . In addition to sending a dozen roses to Kellerman , she had sent small bouquets to Bayliss and Logan in the name of friendship . But she hadn 't told either roomie , and hoped that neither of them got mad if and when they ever found out . Mik put Bringing Up Baby with Carey Grant and Katherine Hepburn into the VCR and hit play . This part of their tradition demanded that each of them pick out a movie with a favorite actor in it , allowing them to admire the good looks of some of Hollywood 's finest . Mik 's movie finished , and was followed by Tara 's pick , Sleepless in Seattle . Penny 's was next in line . A few years back she had forced her friends to watch the 5 hour version of Jane Austen 's Pride and Prejudice . . . and much to their surprise , both women enjoyed it immensely . But then Pen tried to get them to watch it the next year . . . and the year after that . . . Mik and Tara could only take so much . This year Pen had settled on Jane Austen 's Emma , which was only about 2 hours long , starring Gweneth Paltrow and Jeremy Northam . They were a little over an hour into movie when the three decided that it was just about time to take a break . They cleaned up the paper plates and empty pizza box , replacing it with a box filled with a pound of chocolate . They settled in and returned to 18th century England , consuming at least half the box by the time the movie was over . They were about to start the final flick of the night when Penny remembered that she still had the screwdriver in her pocket . She ran upstairs , intent on putting it away before she lost it , when she heard a tapping sound on the window at the end of the hall . Her first instinct was to get her gun , but being that she was on the second floor , she decided that whatever it was out there , it wasn 't going to kill her . So she cautiously approached the window , turning on an outside light , and once she saw what was making the noise , she shouted down to her roommates . The girls joined her at the window a few seconds later . Kellerman , Logan , and Bayliss were all standing out in the cold , in black suits , white shirts , black ties , and dark sunglasses . Bayliss had been throwing pebbles at the window for the past five minutes or so , hoping that eventually one of the girls would hear him and investigate . " What the hell are you guys doing out there ? " Penny called after opening the window . None of the men answered , but Logan turned around and produced a boombox from behind them and placed it in front . He turned up the volume and hit play . . . the next thing the roommates knew , they were being serenaded from below , their boyfriends singing along with Elvis Presley 's " I Can 't Help Falling in Love With You . " When the song was done , they stopped the tape and waited for a response . The girls were speechless . This had obviously taken some planning on their part , and they realized that maybe the guys did remember what day it was before they received their flowers . " So the truth finally comes out , " Penny laughed . " All in favor of letting the guys in for the festivities ? " All three raised their hands . " It 's settled then . But no sneaking away to make out , got it ? We have our traditions to maintain . " The three laughed out loud and looked back outside . The three men were puzzled at the response , or lack thereof , the girls had given them . Above and beyond that it was freezing out there , and they were wondering what on earth was keeping them from being invited in . And why their girlfriends were laughing so much . After closing the window , the three girls raced downstairs , each trying to beat the other two to the door . Tara and Pen tied , with Mik only a second behind them , holding up her nightgown in an attempt to run faster . They flung open the door , out of breath for the second time that day , and found their Valentines on the other side . First came Bayliss , second , Logan , and last of all , Kellerman . Penny gave her two friends a peck on the cheek , saving her lips for Kellerman . Tara and Mik , did the same , thanking each of them for the wonderful surprise . Eyebrows raised , and glances were exchanged amongst the roomies . " Oooooooh , " Pen said playfully , " And I bet you guys want to give us those in privacy . " She turned to Mik and Tara and spoke seriously . " Mik take the kitchen , Tara the dining room . No bedrooms . Meet back in the living room in ten minutes , or I 'm coming to drag you back . Got it ? " " First of all , I want to thank you for the roses , " Mike said . " I 've never gotten flowers from a woman before . That was great . Secondly , " he continued as he pulled a paper out of his pocket and proceeded to unfold it , " You 're not getting your real present ' til this weekend . We 're going on a trip . " " Oh , how romantic . We 're taking the boat ? " He nodded and she smiled . " My oh my . It seems that Mikey has a few surprises up his sleeve . I 'm intrigued . " " But for now , I got somethin ' else . I know how much you like books , so I figured I 'd do something literary . And let me tell you , I read through more poems than I ever cared to see to find the one that fit you . So here goes . " He cleared his throat and read : " It 's you , Pen . It 's you to a tee . " He glanced down at the paper again . " Well , maybe except for that ' temperate will ' part . " ~ Meanwhile , in the kitchen , Mik was receiving a present of her own . " It 's absolutely gorgeous , " she gushed after opening the present . " And it 's the right size too . " She held up the chocolate brown nightgown to herself to see if she spoke the truth . It was a long satin number with the same colored lace on top of it . The straps were about an inch wide , the neck only venturing about an inch below her chin , while the bottom ended right at her ankles . As Mik sat down in a chair and examined the pattern of the lace , Tim decided that he had made the right choice . He had wanted to get her some lingerie , but wasn 't sure what she liked . He knew what he liked , but the present wasn 't for him . He finally settled on a nightgown because it was pretty intimate . . . and at the same time he felt it showed that he respected her . Of course , he wasn 't sure if she was going to like it or not , and had spent the past week worrying about it , but it appeared that she did like it very much . " I think Scarlett would definitely approve , " Mik agreed , standing up . " And now , Timmy Bear , you 're gonna get some sugah , " she said in an exaggerated southern accent . If she only knew what that accent did to him . . . but it was too late to mention that now , her lips had already met his . His arms automatically circled her waist as she massaged his broad shoulders . One thing lead to another , and Tim only came to his senses after she had completely taken off his jacket and tie . In the dining room , Logan was putting the moves on Tara . She sat on his lap as she opened her present . It was a necklace with a Celtic heart charm on it . . . two hearts woven together in a symbol of unending love . Logan knew of the story that surrounded the charm , and had seen it on occasion , but had never been inspired to buy it for anyone before . Besides the fact that his feelings ran so deep for Tara , being Irish herself , he knew that she 'd appreciate the gift more than anyone else . Unlike her other roommates , Tara said nothing at all , but began kissing Mike zealously . Logan was never one to resist a female 's passion , so he returned her kisses with equal enthusiasm . While she cupped his face in her hands , his hands went to work on their own - his right gently rubbing her upper thigh , while his left purposefully massaged that special place on her back . " All the more reason to go on , " he suggested , but when he leaned forward , she pulled back . " Fine , ok , we 'll stop now . But you don 't know what you 're missing . " Tara closed her eyes and took a deep breath . The fact was that she was quite aware of what she 'd be missing . But a deal is a deal , and as much as she loved Mike , this was a tradition that the roommates had kept for years , and she 'd feel awful if she was the one to break it . " There 's always tomorrow to find out . " While the other two couples were taking a minute to cool off , things were really beginning to heat up in the living room . The only ones in access to a couch , Mike and Penny were making full use of it . What had started as in innocent kiss was going further and further by the second . The butterfly clip from Penny 's hair had been flung across the room early on . At the moment , their tongues were fiercely exploring each other 's mouths . Penny was back against the armrest of the couch , her fingers running through his soft hair over and over while he held her close against him . They would 've continued if it wasn 't for the approaching voices . Voices . Both of them were aware of the sounds at the same time , and for a moment , they just stared at each other in disbelief . Penny hastily searched the room as Kellerman sat back and tried not to burst into laughter at the predicament . She found it in the corner , next to the television set , and put her hair back up . She raced across the room and leapt onto the couch seconds before the other two couples entered the room . The movie was Edward Scissorhands . Logan knew that it would be . . . it was one of Pen 's favorites . When it came out , she dragged him to see it , and astonishing as it may seem , he had enjoyed it . Afterwards she had taken Tara and Mik who also loved it , and it was decided that they 'd always watch it on Valentine 's Day no matter what . Everyone made themselves comfortable - Pen and Kellerman on the floor , their backs against the couch , Tara leaning back against Logan who was sitting on the couch , and Mik and Tim sitting on the love seat . They all watched in silence , save a few sarcastic remarks here and there . As the movie reached the end , Penny let out a long , sad sigh , that no one noticed but Logan , and maybe Kellerman . Every time she watched this particular movie , she always did that at the same part . The sigh was always followed by a single tear , which Logan had brushed away upon seeing it so many years ago . Later , she had told him that this was the only movie that ever made her cry . So here was Penny sighing yet again , and while the others watched the movie , Logan watched her reach up to wipe away the tear that would inevitably follow . But Kellerman did , in fact , notice the sigh , and was looking at her from the corner of his eye when he saw the tear . She reached up to get rid of it before anyone noticed , but he caught her arm . She tried to yank her arm from his grip , but he wouldn 't let go . He shook his head slightly , indicating that she shouldn 't carry out what she intended to do . She relaxed her arm , and he let go . The tiny drop of salt water left a shiny trail down her cheek , dropping to the floor after only a few seconds of life . Mike Logan wondered what had just happened . He saw it , but didn 't understand . Only hours later , as he lay in his bed , did he grasp the situation . . . Kellerman had let her cry . Kellerman was just about finished readying the boat for their trip when Penny showed up . Logan and Pen were walking down the docks , laughing as they spoke . She had a large duffel bag hanging from her left shoulder and a clothing bag draped over her right arm . It was a little after seven , and already dark . " You Homicide Detectives , " Penny shook her head , " are so impatient . You can sit at a stakeout for hours without a complaint , but when it comes to your lives , you want everything right now . " She threw her bag on the deck and handed her clothing bag to Kellerman . " Don 't I know it , " Kellerman replied jokingly . " We 'll be back Sunday night . . . probably not too late . I 'll bring her home . " " If there 's one thing that holds true for all women , it 's that we always over pack . That way we 're prepared for just about anything . " She motioned to the clothing bag , " You told me to bring something dressy , so that 's it . Can you hang it up for me ? " He hung it up to his closet and returned to Penny rummaging through her bag . He waited patiently until she found what she was looking for - a piece of rope that was tied in a knot . It consisted of three loops , resembling a clover , with a variety of small shells and silk flowers attached to it . She handed it to him , and Kellerman examined it in wonder . " And this is . . . ? " " Mr . ' I love the ocean ' doesn 't know a sailor 's love knot when he sees one ? " she asked in disbelief . " It 's a masthead knot . Sailors used to make them as a symbol of love . . . they 'd give them to their families before leaving on a trip , and their families would decorate and hang it up in their houses in hopes that their loved one would return safely . Since your boat is your home , I figured I 'd give one to you . " " Thanks , " he said , putting it aside for the moment . " But now we have to get going if I have any hope of getting sleep tonight . You brought a book , or something ? " She nodded and produced a book from her bag . " Good . I 'm going out there to drive . Don 't come out , or you 'll know what direction we 're going in and you 'll figure out where we 're going , ok ? " She nodded again . " Ok . I 'll see you later . " With that he left her in the cabin alone and climbed the ladder to the controls . Truth be told , he didn 't like going places at night in his boat , but he had made this particular journey a few times before , and besides he had sonar along with a number of other technical devices that would keep him from crashing into anything . Penny did as she was told . She stretched out on his couch for a few hours reading her book . He had only mentioned the idea of bringing a book at the last minute , so she had been forced to grab one quickly . It was a Danielle Steel novel that she promised Mik she would read - Full Circle . Pen could only take so much of the depressing melodrama and shallow characters before she put the book down . It was 9 : 33 . She made some coffee , bundled up in her coat and gloves , and climbed the ladder that lead to her boyfriend . He jumped at her arrival , startled at her appearance . She was only partly right . Although he felt isolated from others when driving his boat , he also welcomed the freedom he felt as the wind rushed by his ears . It was a nice break from working all day with a partner , to be completely in charge and on his own for a while . At the same time , he couldn 't say that he regretted her decision to come keep him company . He drank his coffee while she looked around . When he finished , he put the cup down and continued to drive in silence . Because of the boat 's motor he didn 't hear her come up from behind him , but wasn 't completely surprised when he felt her arms wrap around his waist . She rested her head on his back as she held him , and after a few seconds he let go of the steering wheel with one hand and placed it on hers . They stood like that for a long time without speaking , just enjoying each other 's company . Eventually Penny decided to call it a night . Every Homicide Detective could use extra sleep , so when they had the opportunity , they usually took it . She kissed Mike goodnight and descended to the cabin . After changing into her pajamas - cherry red fuzzy top and pants - she folded out the bed from the couch and fell asleep almost immediately . Despite the fact she had just woken up , Penny knew what he was doing . " No way , you 're not sleeping on the floor . This is your boat . " Kellerman paused and Penny grabbed his arm and forced him to sit on the bed . " We 're two responsible adults . I 'm sure we can handle it . Furthermore , I bet you 're too tired to try anything with me , and I 'm certainly too out of it to make the first move . So shut up , get in bed , and go to sleep . " Penny instinctively woke up around 6 am . It was her habit to work out early Saturday mornings , whether she was scheduled to work or not , leaving the rest of the day free for whatever else she had to do . But waking up was different today . . . she had just opened her eyes , her brain not quite fully functional , when she rolled over to find Kellerman sound asleep beside her . The unexpectedness of her discovery jump - started her higher functions , and she was able to recall what had happened the night before . " Well , " she thought as she watched Mike breathe in and out , his chest moving up and down , " This is supposed to be my present , so I guess I 'm allowed to sleep late . Besides , the poor guy was up last night bringing me here , so he deserves a couple more hours . " She rolled over and slept for another hour and a half , but this time when she woke up she couldn 't contain her excitement about the day that lay ahead . She reached over and brushed her boyfriend 's cheek with the cuff of her pajamas . At first he unconsciously swatted at the object that was trying to disturb his sleep , but that proved to be ineffective , so he opened his eyes to find out what was bothering him . He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as his way too giddy girlfriend climbed over him and started the coffee . God help him if she was going to be like this all day . . . though he reasoned that the only reason she was annoying him was the fact that she was too damn awake . And she hadn 't even dumped any caffeine in her system yet . And it was too early to be up when he had the day off . " You brought me back , " she beamed , wrapping her side of the blanket tightly around her , and standing close to Kellerman in an attempt to put some of his body heat to use . She had guessed that their trip would be back to NYC , but didn 't let on . " This is really great , Mike . Thanks so much . " After Kellerman drank several cups of coffee , his mood improved immensely . Pen showered and changed quickly into a pair of jeans , a white blouse , and a black suede vest while his body absorbed the caffeine . He proceeded to jump in the shower , and Penny was left to her book until he was ready to go . He had chosen to wear the sweater she 'd given him for Christmas and jeans . He grabbed his coat from the closet and started fishing through the pockets . " We will be attending the latest performance at Carnage Hall , " he replied , handing her the two tickets . She studied them before looking back up at him . " Second mezzanine . . . the $ 20 seats . . . " Their first stop was what Kellerman had expected - the 27th precinct . Penny paid the cabbie and jogged up the steps of her old home away from home without waiting for Mike . Upon entering , there was a small lobby - type area where a uniform sat at his desk , uninterested in the goings on around him , concentrating on his crossword puzzle instead . A row of chairs lined the back wall , no doubt a waiting area for civilians who came in to report a crime or as a witness , but they were empty at the moment . Not too many people were eager enough to show up at a police station at 8 : 30 in the morning , so this fact wasn 't surprising . There was a door directly in front of them , as well as a door to their right . A number of people went in and out the right door without noticing either of them . People hanging around in the lobby were of no interest to them . A few people entered the lobby , signed in on a sheet on the uniform 's desk , and went in the other door . They noticed the two in the lobby . . . and every one ran their eyes over the two before signing their name and continuing on their way . These were the detectives . Penny could always distinguish the detectives from patrolmen . . . the detectives were the ones who observed what was going on around them , and questioned it . Well , the good ones did anyway . Penny smiled . It was just like old times . . . every morning she had enjoyed the playful banter that occurred between her and Officer Clinmore . " Sure is . Sexist pig , " she commented before calling Mike over . " Clinmore , this is one of the detectives I work with in Baltimore , Mike Kellerman . " She picked up his left hand and played with the ring on his finger . " Oh no , you musta misunderstood . I said I 'd never date a married cop . " " Nah . . . I mean , it only took us how long to get here ? " she asked Kellerman , not waiting for an answer before going on . " I just came to see you . And now that I have , we better get going . " " Smart ass , " Clinmore said , pulling out a visitor 's sign in sheet . " You know the drill , sign in , yadda yadda . " He handed her his pen , and she and Kellerman both filled out the four boxes asking their name , department , section / city , and signature . " Hey , it 's not problem . Besides , I kinda missed you unique choice of breakfast . I 'll be back soon . " He continued down the stairs and out the door they came in , while the couple resumed their walk up the stairs . Kellerman followed her into a room that was much smaller , much more cramped than the one back in Baltimore . Typical activity though . . . the men were clumped in a number of small groups talking about their most recent girlfriends , spectacular arrests , and the cute thing their kid said last night . No one noticed him or Penny enter , but she made sure that changed real quick . " Damn , guys , you still need a woman to tell you when to get back to work ? " She put her hands on her hips and kept her tone serious . " Without me around , Van Buren must have to supervise you every freakin ' 5 minutes . " There wasn 't a set of eyes in the place that didn 't look right at the only female in the room . The annoyance that had appeared on a great number of faces when she had opened her mouth seemed to disappear quickly when they recognized who the voice belonged to . " Graham , " one detective welcomed her from his desk , " Comin ' back so you can make us look bad again ? " " And Kellerman , " Rey changed the subject , " You 're with Homicide in Baltimore , right ? " Mike nodded . " And you and Graham are . . . " he paused in an effort to find the right words , " Doing a personal investigation of your own ? " " Lennie ! " Penny protested . She was about to lash into him when Lieutenant Van Buran walked in to discover the majority of her shift already hard at work . . . finding the reason behind it soon after . Van Buren went into her office and started going over the reports on her desk while Penny finished up with her old partner and his new one . Meanwhile , Mike was taking this opportunity to survey his girlfriend 's old workplace . She was right when she said that the downstairs was in good shape compared to the upstairs . The light green paint was in ok condition , but the darker shade that outlined the doorways was chipped in a million places . The tiled floor had cracks and small holes in it all over the place . And the desks . . . there were just too many of them . The overall effect was very unpleasant - a noisy , claustrophobic atmosphere where you could smell the lead based paint with every breath . Beyond that , Kellerman didn 't like the attitudes of the other detectives . He liked Profaci and Briscoe , and this Rey Curtis guy seemed like a good sort . But the others . . . there was something about them . Although they didn 't outright insult Penny , they had a definite attitude about them when they talked to her . . . . as if they were just waiting for an excuse to club her and take her back to their cave . Their Homicide unit back in Baltimore wasn 't exactly perfect , but when push came to shove , they could work as a well - oiled machine . You could partner practically any two together and get good results . True , there were a number of personality clashes , and a bad habit of resorting to violence if certain buttons were pushed , but they never lost respect for each other . Respect for the badge they all carried . Mike didn 't feel that many of these guys felt any kind of respect for Penny as a person or a cop . And he couldn 't imagine them working as a team . " You two better get back to work before I get you in trouble , " Penny said as Kellerman shook off his negative thoughts and came back to the present . " Can do , " Curtis replied . " Later , guys , " she said as she headed for Lt . Van Buren 's office . She tapped on her old superior 's door , and was immediately told to enter . " Yup . He 's the guy . What can I say , Lieutenant , he owns a bar . . . the more time I spend with him , the higher a tab he 'll let me have , " Penny responded . " Great . My Sergeant is a woman , and ' cause there 's still no one to pair me with , we 've been goin ' out on a lot of call together . It 's a nice change to work with a woman . At least she doesn 't make any PMS jokes . " Penny stiffened a little at her words . " Much better . He 's working hard , Lieutenant . And he has a better control over his temper now . " " Not like you , right ? " Van Buran didn 't wait for her to answer . " I wasn 't happy to hear about that incident between you and the Bobsy Twins . You 're above that , Pen . " " I don 't care . I was disappointed in you when I heard that . " She paused and thought for a moment . " Though I do admit that I tried to imagine the scene . . . and when I did I got a good laugh out of it . " Penny smiled and sat back in her chair . " I get a good laugh out of it every time I think about it . " She checked her watch and stood . " But I don 't want to take up all your time , and we have a busy day ahead of us , so we better get going . " Van Buren also stood at her words . " It was good to see you again , Graham . And if Baltimore doesn 't work out , you 're always welcome here . " " Thanks for the offer , I 'll keep it in mind . Keep an eye on Logan for me , will you ? That man had me lying awake in bed worrying for a while there . " Kellerman blushed , not knowing how to graciously accept the compliment when he was saved by the arrival of food . " Hey , Pen , " Profaci burst in . " Get it while it 's hot . " He handed her a large hot pretzel and a handful of mustard packets before turning to Kellerman and giving him first choice from the large box of donuts . |
Sonny had asked me to the races next weekend and my grandma told me I could go with him . Sonny asked me to pick him up , as he wanted to show off my truck while we were at the races . I picked him up at his house , which was an apartment building almost in town . We went to a dirt track stock car race . It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed myself with Sonny as well . He was very polite and he only held my hand when we walked around or went to get something to eat . The races were over by ten so we drove back into town and pulled into the burger joint where kids from my school hung out back then . Janet was there and she came running over to my truck as I parked it . Sonny told me to talk to her and he would go get us a burger and something to drink . Janet stared at Sonny as he walked away . She turned back to me and I got out of my truck . I explained to her about the truck being a present from my grandma and Frank . I probably should have gone after her . However , I did not as Sonny returned to the truck . He asked me if everything was all right , as he had seen Janet run away from me . I told him it was nothing and I would work it out with her later . I never saw Janet again to work it out with her . We talked some more as we ate then I told him it was almost eleven and I should be getting home . I drove him back to his place . Sonny got out and he walked over to my window . He touched my arm with his hand as he said , " It would not be right to invite you in on the first date . " Nor would it be right to ask for a kiss . " Sonny smiled as he added , " I had fun tonight with you Ann and I hope you will allow me to see you again , " " Good night Ann , " as he patted my arm and walked away toward the building . I drove away as I thought about him . For one he was very polite something I was not really used too . He also did not seem to stare at my tits like most men nor had he tried to feel my ass the whole night . Sonny did not seem the shy type so I wondered why he had not taken a kiss . I soon arrived back home where I put my truck back into the barn . I walked into the house to find grandma still up in the living room . I did not see anything wrong with me dating him . I had fun with him and he was polite . It was not as if I was going to runaway with him or anything . I should have eaten those words that night or at least remembered them . I dated Sonny for the next two weeks . The only thing we ever did together was holding hands . He still had not kissed me or even tried anything with me . I had to pick him up as he told me his car was broke and he did not want to take me on his bike . Sonny and I loved going to the races . One Saturday night after the races again I took him to his apartment building . He got out and came over to my window . I leaned out of my truck before he could react . I threw my arms around his neck as my face went to his . Our lips touched and I kissed him deeply . It was a very nice and long kiss as well . He showed me where to park and I followed him into the building . Sonny gave me a tour of his place . His apartment was not very big but it had two bedrooms , a main room , a bathroom and a small kitchen . I was a little surprised at how clean it was , as most men do not pick up after themselves or clean up their place . I sat down with him on his sofa . He wrapped his arms around me and he kissed me deeply . I ran my tongue over his lips and he opened his mouth . My tongue danced in his mouth as we kissed . I think we spent close to an hour kissing . His kisses were intoxicating to me and I felt my pussy starting to twitch . I wanted him to fuck the shit out of me . While we kissed , I ran my hand down to his lap . I moved my hand over to the front of his pants . My hand ran into something big and hard . I kissed him deeper as I wrapped my hand around his cock . Even through his pants , his cock felt huge . I rubbed at his cock as Sonny started to lift the shirt I had worn over my head . He tossed it to the floor as he started to kiss across the tops of my tits . He then dragged his tongue over the tops as well . Sonny reached behind me and skillfully removed my bra . He pulled it from my body letting my tits fall upon my chest . Sonny started to play with my nipples making them grow hard with his fingers and thumbs . When he had my nipples rock hard he placed his tongue on one as he licked at it gently . Even back then , my nipples were very sensitive as they are today . Just the touch of his tongue on them got my juices flowing from my pussy . Sonny went from tit to tit driving me wild with his tongue . He then took a tit into his hand as he brought it up to his mouth . Sonny suckled on my tit until I pushed him away as my hands went to his pants . I unbuckled his belt then unsnapped and unzipped his pants . He rose up a bit so I could pull his pants from him . His cock was poking the boxers he worn straight into the air . I hook my thumbs around then as I pulled them down off his body . His pants and boxers lie at his feet as his cock danced before my eyes . His cock was right about seven maybe eight inches . It was rock hard , stood up straight , and throbbed at me . I wrapped my hand around it giving it a few pumps with my hand . I lowered my face as my tongue licked at just the head of his cock . I pumped on his cock as my tongue danced around the head of his cock . I finally took just the head of his cock into my mouth . I sucked at it gently as I did . I started to take more of his cock into my mouth . I slowly worked my mouth all the way down his cock until my nose touched the hair around his cock . I started to bob my head up and down on his cock . I made sure I sucked at it on my up strokes . I sucked at his cock for a few minutes then pulled my mouth from his cock . Sonny broke our kiss as his hands went to my jeans . He unsnapped them then pulled them from my body . Sonny smiled at me when he saw I had worn no panties . He had me lie back onto the sofa as he placed his head between my thighs . Sonny licked and kissed at my pussy lips . Sonny worked his tongue in and out of my pussy . He moved a hand to my clit , which he toyed with as he used his tongue on my pussy . Sonny gave me my first orgasm within minutes . Pleasure raced through my body as his fingers pulled at my clit . My pussy was throbbing and dripping my juices onto his tongue as he ate me . Sonny climbed up onto top of me . He placed his cock between the lips of my pussy then slowly pushed it up into my pussy . Sonny used slow strokes of his cock until he started to work his cock faster and deeper into my pussy . His cock felt wonderful as he fucked me . He fucked me slow and steady for some time before he started to fuck me harder and deeper . I was soon bucking my hips upward fucking him back . Sonny moved his mouth to one of my tits and he started to suck upon it . My pussy throbbed then gripped at his cock as pleasure raced through out my body . My clit swelled and my pussy juices started to leak out around his cock . I wrapped my hands around his butt pumping it faster and harder into my pussy . My floodgates opened up just as I felt his cock swell then jerk in my pussy . His mouth went to mine and we kissed as we both enjoyed the pleasure of our orgasm . He was still kissing me as his cock went soft and slipped from my pussy . I felt his load running out of me as he cock slipped from my hole . I lie there still enjoying my own orgasm . Sonny went ito the kitchen and returned with a glass of water , which he shared with me . Sonny looked to my pussy with cum running out of it . My pleasure drained from my face as he said that . I jumped up and excused myself to his bathroom . I peed then wiped at my pussy hoping that he had not done what I thought he might have . I returned and dressed as he did . Sonny took me into his arms and he kissed me deeply as I kissed him back . I left and on my way home , I realized or at least thought that I loved him with all my heart . I was also worried about not using any protection . By the time I got home the only thing on my mind was the enjoyable fuck he had given me . I should have been more concerned about taking his load up my pussy . Four weeks later , I found out , I was pregnant . I went to Sonny and I told him I was pregnant with his child . Sonny smiled at me and took me into his arms . He kissed me then broke his kiss . I tried to explain to him that I could not as I had two more years of school . I also told him my grandma would probably kill me then come after him . I was not for sure just how she would take me being pregnant so I never told her . Sonny talked me into just going back home packing a bag and running off with him . I was seventeen pregnant with his child and scared . I let him talk me into running away with him . Sonny and I jumped into my truck with a small trailer behind it containing all the stuff we owned . My grandma was out with Frank and I left them both a short note . I have made a big mistake . I am pregnant with Sonny 's child . I must now live with my mistake . Sonny and I have ran away to be married . I am scared and I hope this is the right choice but I have no other choice . Thanks Grandma for all you have done for me and I am sorry if I have disappointed you as I did my mom . Please take care of my grandma Frank and do not blame yourself , as it was our choice to runaway . Sonny and I went a few states over and with the money I had saved up and his own money we married and found ourselves a nice little trailer to live in that we called home . Sonny had a job within a week as a mechanic at some car dealership . Our life together seemed great and loving . Nine months later our baby was born . We had a lovely girl who I called Michelle . Right off the bat , I saw the look in Sonny 's eyes as he saw our daughter for the first time . She had my blue green eyes and was just the sweetest baby . However , she had tons of blonde hair . Sonny 's hair was black while I was a brown - haired woman . Sonny never asked or questioned me but I saw the look in his eyes . I had no idea why she had blonde hair maybe something in our genes caused it . I had not had sex with anyone during this time except for Sonny so I knew it was his baby . I did not think he thought it was his . However , he managed to get a loan for a small but charming little house and we lived as a family . He also saw to it that Michelle and I had every thing we needed other than a life outside of our home . For the next six months , I was stuck at home with Michelle while Sonny stayed out late . I cannot count how many times he came home drunk . His lovemaking was now wham bam thank you mam . I never had another orgasm after our baby was born . Sonny was not a mean drunk nor did I ever smell another woman on him . He also saw to it that Michelle and I had every thing we needed other than a life outside of our home . Other than his drinking and bad sex , he was the man I chose to marry . I was hoping thing would improve between us . The only other problem I had was with the friends he kept . His friends would bring him home drunk and hand him off to me . Every one of them hit on me each time they dropped him back off at home . I never did anything with any of them until one night . He had one friend that worked with him whose name was Bobby . He never really hit on me however ; he was always telling me that I could do better than Sonny . When my birthday rolled around Sonny decided to throw a birthday party for me . The party was great and I had some fun finally . I also had a little too much to drink . The party was wrapping up as our guests were leaving . Sonny had been telling me and the others he was ready to give me my birthday present . Sonny had been touching me and rubbing his cock up against me during the party . He told everyone he was going to fuck me silly when everyone left . That was going to be somewhat hard to do as he lie passed out across our bed . I was going to be alone for sex on my birthday . I was seeing everyone out the door as Sonny lie passed out on our bed . Bobby was still there and he told me he would help me clean up . We picked up and straightened the house then I sat down onto the sofa crying . Between my sobs I replied , " My life is all fucked up . " I got pregnant to young and I married a man who does not love me . " " I wish I had someone to turn too but I have no one . " I cried into his shoulder as he held me . I am not for sure rather it was the booze in me or just the warmth of him holding me again . When my crying stopped , I lifted my head and moved it toward his . Our lips met as we locked in a deep passionate kiss . The next thing I knew Bobby was removing his clothes as I removed mine . As we stood beside the sofa , he took me into his arms . He kissed me deeply as his tongue probed my mouth as mine probed his . I felt his cock bumping into my hairy pussy as we kissed . The next thing I knew Bobby picked me up as my arms went around his neck . His hand went to my butt as he lifted me into the air . He moved me around until my pussy lined up with his hard throbbing cock . Bobby lowered me down onto his cock . I started to bounce on his cock as I kissed him , his hand digging into my ass as he pulled me up and down hard and fast over his cock . Bobby turned with me still holding onto his neck and his cock buried into my pussy . He placed me onto the sofa then placed my legs high up onto his shoulders . Bobby started to fuck me deeply . My pussy grabbed at his cock each time he buried it deep into me . His mouth clamped over one of my tits as he started to suck upon it . Bobby just kept hammering away at my pussy as my juices flowed from my hole . The living room filled with wet sucking sounds as his cock pounded my wet pussy . I had two or three more orgasm as he fucked me . I felt his cock swell then throb before he pulled it from my pussy . Bobby wrapped his hand around his cock and pumped at it wildly . His cock twitched as cum started to shoot from the head of his cock . The first shot hit me in my face then the next three splashed onto my big tits . Bobby fell on top of me as his lips met mine . We kissed as I wrapped my arms around him . I felt his cock rubbing against my pussy as he lies there on me . My pussy wanted more of his cock so I wrapped my legs around him as I squirmed until the head of his still hard cock was between my pussy lips . I did as he asked and he got behind me . He rubbed his hard cock at my wet pussy then shoved it all in burying it deep into my pussy . I had my hands on the arm of the sofa as my tits swung back and forth , as he took me deep and hard from behind . I was pumping my ass back toward him as he fucked me . I felt his thumb playing around my ass . He pressed his thumb up into my asshole . It hurt for a second but soon turned to pleasure . Bobby started to take his thumb in and out of my asshole as he drove his cock harder in and out of my pussy . I had a big wet orgasm as I felt his balls smacking into my clit . My pussy was throbbing , my asshole was opening , and closing as my pussy muscles forced his cock from my pussy . My pussy squirted its juices back on him as he worked just his thumb in and out of my asshole . I leaned down until my tits rested onto the arm of the sofa . I heard Bobby spit at my asshole . Then I felt him press the head of his cock into my asshole . I moaned softly as he worked his cock up into my ass . Bobby slowly pushed his cock up my ass until I felt his balls pressed against my pussy . Bobby pulled his cock back then pushed it forward . It hurt for a few seconds then it felt good . He was soon fucking my asshole just as he had been my pussy . My pussy squirted , as it never had before . Bobby moaned and shoved his cock deep up into my asshole . I felt it throb as his cock spewed cum deeply into my asshole . His cock grew soft and slipped from my asshole . I fell completely down onto the sofa as cum farted from my asshole . I lie there breathing fast and hard as I came back down to earth . I finally managed to get up and go into the bathroom , as I had to pee . While in there , I cleaned cum from my ass and my body . While in there it hit me what I had just done . I had cheated on my husband with another man . I looked at myself in the mirror . I did not like the person I saw . It was as if it was not me any longer . I returned to the living room where I grabbed my clothes and covered my body . I looked to see Bobby standing there fully dressed . He started toward me and I stopped him . Bobby turned and he walked out of our house as I closed the door behind him . I would never see him again . I walked into our bedroom to find Sonny in the same spot he had been . I went in to check on Michelle and found her fast asleep . I went back into the bathroom and filled the bathtub with hot water . I soaked in the water hoping to wash away my sins . I cried as I soaked in the bathtub . I thought about how I had ruined my life at such a young age . I looked to the razor blade on the tub . I shook my head no , for I did not have the guts to cut my wrists and end it all . As I looked at the razor Michelle 's cries filled the night . I got out of the tub slipped on my robe and went into her room . I picked her from the crib and cradled her in my arms . I walked to the living room and sat down in our rocking chair . I placed her against my chest and rocked her gently as I sang to her . Michelle drifted back to sleep in my arms as tears rolled from my eyes down my face . Janet 's voice filled my head as she said , " Sure Ann someday you will see this differently as I do , " kept repeating in my mind until I too drifted off to sleep . I wished she had me in her arms right then . A couple of days later Sonny came home early from work . I saw him pull into our driveway . He was in a different truck towing another car behind it . I raced outside to him as he got out of the truck . He walked around to the car behind the truck as I followed him The next day Sonny went to work and I grabbed Michelle 's stuff as well as my own stuff . I loaded everything I could into the piece of shit Nova . I left him a note telling him I was leaving him that it was over , I told him not to try to find me . I got into that car and I drove out of state to the nearest hotel . I got a room and once inside I sat down thinking what to do next . I did not know how Sonny found out about Bobby nor did I care for our marriage was over when Michelle was born . My dreams of having a happy home and family would not be happening now I thought as I reached for the phone . I dialed the operator and asked to make a collect call . I only hoped Grandma would accept it , which she did . I drove straight home only stopping for gas . Grandma and Frank came outside when I pulled up to the house . I removed Michelle from her car seat and walked over to them with my head down and tears flowing from my eyes . I knew Frank was talking about introducing me to Sonny in the first place . I went inside with them where I explained to them what had happened in my life . I explained how when Michelle was born and Sonny saw her long blonde hair he thought the baby was not his . " Ann , your great grandfather had the loveliest blonde hair I have ever seen . " " It is rare but still a gene we carry in our family , " Grandma said to me . I told them our love life had ended and how I ended up in the arms of his best friend . I explained when he got rid of my truck it was the last straw . I had enough of him so I left him and called home . Michelle smiled and giggled as Grandma held her and Frank made a fuss over her . It felt good to be back at home where I belonged . I helped Frank get what little stuff I had managed to stuff into my shitty car into the house . We all sat around that night talking as they caught me up to date with what was going on around here . George was off to college and they had sold Frank 's ranch . They both now raised horses together here at our farm . They showed me a photo of a horse that they had called Ann just to have me around them both . They told me that horse had taken third in the derby last year . I did a whole lot of crying that night as I told them how I have ruined my life and theirs by running away and getting married . Frank picked up the phone and he called his lawyer . He hung up the phone and smiled to grandma and me . Grandma got up and walked over to the phone where she picked up a piece of paper . She handed it to me as she said , " Janet calls for you every day to see if we had heard from you , " as she handed me the paper with her number on it . " Call her Ann let her know you are home , " Grandma added . They walked me with Michelle in my arms upstairs to my room . It was the same as I remember leaving it . There were some things added such as a crib and plenty of baby 's toys and other stuff . I lay Michelle in her new crib as I told them both thanks . They each gave me a kiss then told me to get some rest , as tomorrow was the start of not only a new day but a new life as well . I lie down on my bed still thinking how my life sucked . I was eighteen with a child soon to be a year old , no job , no father for Michelle to love and no man for me to love as well . At least Grandma had not turned her back on me . I got up from my bed and started to walk down the steps to them . I paused at the bottom step as I heard them talking in the living room . They were talking about me . I walked back up the steps and into the bathroom . I closed the door behind myself as I stared into the mirror . Grandma was right I did look like hell . I stood there remembering at one time I was a young sexy woman and now I was a worn beaten woman . I stared at myself in the mirror wondering how everything would have been if I had not had sex with Uncle Bill . I returned to my bedroom and removed Michelle from her crib . I lay her beside me as I promised her that her life would never me as mine was . I cried myself to sleep as I held the only precious gift I had left . That being Michelle my sweet daughter . I was dressed and checked on Michelle before I went down stairs . Grandma was at the bottom of the stairs . She told me she would watch over Michelle as she kissed me then went upstairs . I walked into the kitchen where Frank handed me a cup of coffee . Frank told me we had 20 horses to look after and that just he and I were to see to them . He finished his coffee and I finished mine then I followed him out the back door . After feeding and grooming the first three horses , I was sweating and tired . I looked to Frank a man over 35 years older than me and he had not even worked up a sweat . I went back to work thinking how that boring life of sitting at home with Michelle looked good as I wiped the sweat from my forehead . We finally finished feeding and grooming the horse and Frank walked over to me . He wrapped his arm around me as he walked me back to the house with the sun just beginning to rise . I had forgotten just how good breakfast tasted especially when it was one of grandma 's . The three of us had breakfast and I checked on Michelle . Grandma told me she was just fine and not for me to worry about her . I did worry about her because she was all I had . Frank and I gave the horses their workouts . Some went swimming in a special designed swimming pool , others we saddled up and put them through their paces . The first horse I jumped up on bucked me off throwing me to the ground . I wiped the dirt from myself as I got up from the ground . I walked over to the horse and twisted his ear to show him who was boss . Frank smiled at me as I climbed back upon his back . The horse bucked some more but then he calmed down . Frank rode his horse over to me . I saw Frank smiling as I rode away on the horse . A little after one in the afternoon we finished their workout . Frank told me that was it until after supper . I walked inside the house just as the phone rang . Janet was full of questions some , which I had no answers to give . She asked me if it would be Ok if she came over after work to see me . I asked grandma and she told me that would be OK . I told Janet I would see her later and hung up the phone . I went to grandma and took Michelle from her arms . I sat down in her rocking chair as I thought about what she had told me . I rocked Michelle gently as I looked down upon her . I wondered just what was so special about her . Michelle looked up at me with her little hands moving about . A smile came to her face as she spoke her first words , " Mama . " Her smile and first words put a smile onto my face something I had not worn in a while . I hugged her tightly as I promised her that her life would not be as mine is . Frank and grandma came walking into the room . I went outside to my car with Frank . He walked around it pointing and telling me it needed this and that . He lifted the hood as he told me at least she is a 350 easy to work on even for someone like me . Frank closed the hood and started to walk to his truck . He stopped and looked back at me as I stood beside my car . I got into his truck with him and I told him he did not have to do this . Frank told me he wanted to do this and I was going to help him . He explained it would give him a chance to get know his granddaughter . I wiped tears from my eyes knowing he accepted me as one of his own . Frank filled his truck with parts at the parts house and at the local junk yard . " What price can one ever place on love ? " Frank asked . Then he added , " Besides it will come out of your pay from the ranch , " as he smiled at me . We returned home and Frank told me to pull my car into the empty barn . I did then we both unloaded his truck and placed the parts we had brought in there with the car . We walked back outside and Frank closed the barn 's door . Frank took my hand as he said , " You owe no one an explanation except for yourself , " as he walked me inside . I knew what he meant and I knew one day that I would own Michelle an explanation for why she did not have a father like Frank to raise her . We walked inside and I saw Janet sitting next to grandma . Janet had long semi curly blonde hair down to almost her waist . She sat there with her long tanned legs crossed . She stood up as I entered the room to reveal she was wearing a short mini skirt with a scooped out top . Her breasts over flowed the top of her skirt . They were as big and round as I remembered them . Her eyes stared at me as I stared at hers . I stood there not knowing to do . Janet smiled as she ran to me and took me into her arms . I sat Janet down onto the sofa next to me . I held her hand as I told her about the events in my life . I explained to her where I had made my mistakes . I told her the full story of falling in love then out of love with Sonny . I explained the only thing he ever gave to me was Michelle and sometimes I wondered if he was her father . I squeezed he hand tightly when I explained her voice had come to me one night as it filled my head with " Sure Ann someday you will see this differently as I do . " " There is nothing to forgive Ann . " " The important thing is that you are home , " Janet replied as she wrapped her arms around me . Her lips met mine as she kissed me deeply . I had missed those lips of hers I thought as she did . My pussy started to twitch as our kiss went on as our tongues explored our mouths . I finally broke our kiss as I looked to her . My heart sank as she told me about the man she was to marry . His name was Hank . As Janet told me about him I realized there was not a chance of her and I getting together again . You will like him as he will like you Janet told me with a smile on her face . Janet joined us for dinner then told us she had to be getting home . She asked me if I would like to go to dinner with her and Hank this weekend . I told her I would love too as long as my work here got finished . I walked her to the door and outside closing the door behind us . Janet took me into her arms and kissed me deeply as I kissed her back with passion . Her hands felt my tits and my ass as she pulled me tighter against herself . I could not help myself as my hand went under her skirt to find she had worn no panties . With two fingers , I parted her pussy lips as they sought out her hole . I wiggled them as I pushed them up inside of her . My fingers met her g - spot . Janet moaned into my mouth as I rubbed at her spot . Janet 's thighs closed around my hand as my fingers brought her to a wet orgasm . Her pussy juices squirted out over my hands and dripped to the porch below . Janet kissed me deeply as I removed my fingers . Janet walked to her car as I stood there licking her juices from my fingers . I watched her drive away as I smiled to myself . It felt good to be home once again . I walked inside to find grandma and Frank sitting in the living room . Grandma smiled at me as I took Michelle from her . I sat down in a chair with Michelle in my arms . Grandma said , " Janet is such a sweet girl and she loves you very much . " We all had a little laugh even Michelle giggled and laughed with us . The rest of the week , I helped Frank with the ranch . We also went to the lawyers and filed for my divorce , which I got in a few months . When our work was finished , we both worked on my car together . We pretty much stripped the car down to just a frame with an engine on it . Frank was surprised that I knew so much about cars . On Friday night , Janet called me to tell me she would pick me up at around seven Saturday night . I asked her what I should wear and she told me to make it something sexy . I hung up the phone with a worried look on my face . Frank got up and left the room as I sat down beside grandma . He returned with a check in his hands . Frank handed me the check to me . Frank stood me up and hugged as he said , " That would be just fine , Ann . " I felt like I belonged here as he hugged me . I hoped my life was about to become normal again or at least to where I felt happy . I had that happy feeling as we hugged . Saturday morning came and I went to work helping with the horses . We went inside and had our breakfast . Frank reached into his pockets and tossed his truck keys to me . I asked him why I needed his keys . I helped grandma with the dishes then we got dressed to go into town . Grandma , Michelle and I drove into town where we went shopping and we both got our hair done . Grandma told me to take her to the local sporting store , as she wanted to get Frank a few things while in town . As we walked around the store , Michelle got a little fussy in her stroller . Grandma and I both were trying to calm her down . We tried every thing and nothing worked . A very handsome young man in an army uniform came walking over to us . He smiled to us as he asked me , " May I pick her up ? " I nodded my head OK and he bent his tall large frame over and picked Michelle from her stroller . The man held her high above his head and talked to her telling her what a lovely baby she was . Michelle stopped crying and he brought her down cradling her in his arms . The man brushed her long blonde hair with his hand as he started to sing . Michelle cooed and giggled as she smiled at him . The man handed her back to me . I placed her back into her stroller and the whole time Michelle never took her eyes off him . " Thanks Jack , " grandma said to the man . " How is your mom doing ? " She then asked him . I stood back up and noticed Michelle was still staring at him . Her little arms were moving in many directions and she was just giggling away . I turned to the man and I saw he was in the army and he must have flown helicopter or something for there were wings with a helicopter on them upon his chest . I took in all of his body as I checked him from head to toe . He was about 6 ' 2 " tall of very muscular build . His hair was blonde short probably because of being in the service . I also noticed that he had a cute butt on him as well . I was checking out his butt when he turned to me . My eyes went to his and my eyes fell upon the loveliest blue green eyes I had ever seen . His eyes sparkled and shined , as they seemed to turn to this deep blue color . I felt lost looking into his eyes as he looked into mine . I felt something but did not know what . However , I had seen these types of eyes before I thought . I heard Michelle say " Mamma , " and I looked down to her . She was smiling at me and I saw her eyes when I realized they were the same as this man 's eyes . Michelle busted up laughing and cooing . She turned her head to the side as she watched the man walk away . She took her finger and she pointed to the man as he walked away . Her little mouth moved as if she was trying to form a word then from her mouth came , " Dada , " she laughed and squirmed in her stroller . " Let me see he left about the same time you did , " " He has been gone for two years so he should be about 19 or twenty , " Grandma replied . " Why so many questions dear ? " Grandma asked me giving me one of her looks . I soon forgot about this man named Jack as we returned home and I got ready to go out with Janet . I had picked up a brand new push up bra , a low cut nice shirt and the tightest pair of jeans I could get into . I had also brought a new pair of dress cowgirl boots as well . The boots even made me about two inches taller I saw as I dressed and looked into the mirror . Hank and Janet came and picked me up at home . They came inside and Janet introduced him to us all . Hank was just an average looking man in fact there was nothing that caught my eye about him . However , his eyes had caught my pushed up tits that hung over my shirt . Every time I looked at him , his eyes were on my tits . We soon left and we went for dinner . Janet and I did most of the talking . Hank just stared and drooled over my tits , which shook each time I laughed at something Janet said to me . After dinner , we went to the local bar and sat down at the table . The place was full and as I looked around the room , I saw that man Jack . He was now dressed in his dress green uniform . He looked very handsome in it and I saw a few medals hanging from his chest . He sat alone at the end of the bar . I turned to Janet and Hank . Hank told us Jack hates everyone , some girl had done him wrong and he just never recovered from it . He is a loner now and one would be careful not to get on his bad side . Hank told us he had seen him whoop three men asses the other night at the bar sending them all to the hospital . I looked to Jack to see him just staring in front of himself sipping on his beer every now and then . I turned back to Janet and Hank as I explained about Michelle fussing and Jack picking her up calming her down . I told them he seemed to be a very sweet man . I turned back to see that Jack was no longer sitting at the bar . I looked around the room but I did not find him . I sat there thinking about this man and why it seemed like I should know him or why I was even thinking about him . My mind returned to the present when I heard . I shook his hand and then gave Janet a look . She had not told me this was going to be a double date . The boys went up to get us some drinks . I should have gotten up and walked home that night . If I had known , what was about to happen to me I sure the hell would have . The night continued and I felt more relaxed after getting to know Rick . He seemed like a nice person but who was I to judge that . Rick was about 6 ft tall with a semi muscular build on him . He had long brown hair that flowed to his shoulders . He had a heart tattoo on his forearm that had mother written in side the heart . He was polite and he asked all the right questions as well as having all the right answers . He had even danced with me and I had felt a nice cock pressing up against my midsection . The more I drank the looser I got . I was out dancing with him and kissing him on the dance floor . Rick was feeling my ass as we danced and telling me how lovely I was . As the night , ended Rick asked me if it was OK if he drove me home . I could barely walk by the time we left the bar . Rick helped me into his car and he started to drive me home . Halfway home Rick pulled down a back road then pulled over , he leaned across the seat taking me into his arms . He kissed me deeply and his tongue shot into my mouth . I tongued him back as his hand went to my tits . Rick pulled my shirt over my head then lifted my bra up over my tits . He wrapped his hands around my tits pulling them up to his mouth . He kissed , licked and sucked at them for some time . I finally pushed his head away from my tits as my hands went to his pants . I unsnapped his pants and pulled them down along with his underwear as well . His hard cock sprung from his shorts when I did . Rick had a nice big fat cock . It was about nine inches and two inches around . I took it into my hand and pumped at it as I stared at it . I enclosed my mouth around his cock and started to suck on just the head of his cock . I soon was moving my head up and down his cock working more of it into my mouth . I took all of his cock deep into my mouth and I started to suck . I suddenly did not feel good and I removed my mouth from his cock . I gagged once before I threw up all over his lap . I jumped from the car falling to the ground where I threw up the rest of the nights worth of drinks I had . I felt Rick picking me up from the ground as I told him how sorry I was for throwing up in his lap . Rick placed me back into the car telling me it was OK . I laughed a little too but I also felt very bad about it . I told Rick I was not used to drinking and that I should have known better . He kept telling me to forget it . Rick took me home and he walked me to the porch . Thank god , no one was up as I went upstairs . I checked on Michelle who was sound asleep in her crib . I jumped into the shower and washed the night from me . I was rather shocked that Rick had not make a big deal out of me throwing up on him . I climbed into bed thinking about making it up to him some time soon . I slept in the next morning and awoke with a hangover the next day . I went down stairs to find grandma in the kitchen . She told me I must have made an impression on some young man last night . I asked her what she meant . She returned with a glass full of something that she handed to me . She told me to drink it all and I would feel great in a few minutes . The stuff in the glass smelled like hell but I raised it and drank it all down . It rather burnt on the way down as I made a face . I sat there with my head in my hands . I replayed the night in my mind however ; all I could think about was throwing up into Rick 's lap . The phone rang and I noticed it did not cause my head to bang . Grandma 's drink must be working I thought . I went inside to find him holding Michelle . I picked the phone up as Michelle started to cry and fuss . I started to go to her when Frank told me grandma would handle her as he left the living room . He asked me if I was feeling better . I told him I was and I was so sorry about last night . Rick told me I could make it up if I had dinner with him tonight . I told him I could not as we always have Sunday dinner here as a family . Frank was walking back in when I told Rick that . I told him and that I would see him around 4 pm . Rick told me that would be just fine with him . I once again told him how sorry I was for last night . I hung up the phone and saw Frank staring at me . Was that a good impression ? What horror if any was I to face with Rick ? Was Michelle Sonny 's or not ? Who was this man named Jack ? Find the answers to these and more in my next chapter . That will end this chapter . Please let me know if are enjoying my story . If you read my other chapters you can find out how to see what I look like and if I have photos for that part of my story I will share them with you or at least something close to it . |
I suppose I can 't argue with that logic . I can barely help her with her first grade " pre - geometry " math . I really wish I was kidding about that . Posted by Hello all ! I 'm sorry I 've been a little behind in the posting lately . It 's that crazy time of year . I 'm just taking a little time to spend with the girls , my husband and parents , while they 're here . I just wanted to take a minute to say Merry Christmas to all of you out there who keep up with me and my girls ! Thanks for all your support over the past year and a half . I hope you have a wonderful holiday season . I promise to go back to my normally scheduled writing program once the craziness of this time of year passes . Don 't worry , I already have stories . Like Sonya wanting to get her ears pierced out of nowhere . WHAT ? ! Stay tuned . . . Ever since Sonya lost her first tooth , my girls are obsessed with loose teeth now . Sonya does have another loose tooth right now , but Lana and Georgia are always telling me that one of their teeth is loose . Which of course it isn 't . They just want to be like their older sister . Not to mention that they saw how she was given money for her tooth , so it seems like a good trade off . Unfortunately for them , it 'll be a few years before a tooth actually does get loose . In the meantime they inspect every kid now to see if they have missing teeth then point it out to me when they do . On a completely different note , a couple weeks ago my dishwasher decided to stop working . ( Stick with me , these stories will tie together ) Something that I was SO happy about since I was planning a Christmas party and had eight different types of cookies , not to mention appetizer to make . This meant A LOT of dishes . So yeah , great timing . Doesn 't it always happen like that ? I called Sears to come out and repair it for us . First they weren 't going to come for almost a week . A WEEK ! Then I did call and manage to get a sooner appointment . But in the meantime I had to wash dishes by hand . Something I hadn 't done since I was eight . It was like living in the dark ages . Well , last Wednesday the repairman came to our house to fix our disabled dishwasher . He was a very nice man . However , upon first glance looked a little rough . Like he had some bad younger years but was trying to get his life together . He had a number of tattoos , which is not a big deal to me . I don 't mind tattoos and in fact have one myself , but it was the kind they were ( skulls ) and the places they were ( on his neck ) . The kind of thing that screams bad ass . There was also the fact that he was missing about three teeth in the front . But like I said before , he was a good guy . He fixed my dishwasher , and he asked about the girls . He had a two year old boy at home and we chatted about the terrible twos . As it turns out , my dishwasher had a build up of calcium due to the hard water we ha " Look mom ! He lost his tooth ! " Well , I did what I needed to do . I ignored her and carried on my conversation hoping he didn 't hear her or at least understand what she had said . Luckily , Lana didn 't push the issue , which is kinda weird for her , because most of the time she would have made a bigger deal about it . If he did hear her he didn 't let on , which I was thankful for , although I did feel badly that she had said that . He finished explaining to me what to do with the dishwasher and soon left . Thank goodness Lana didn 't say anything else embarrassing , like " why is there Halloween on that guy 's neck ? " . Between Sonya recently saying embarrassing things and now Lana , I 'm thinking that perhaps I will just give them all big pieces of bubble gum whenever people come over so they can 't talk at all . Well , either that or duct tape . Posted by After twenty years of driving you would think I would know how to pull up to a curb in front of a parked car without incident . You would think that , but you wouldn 't be correct . Tuesday afternoon I tried to pull up to the curb in front of a parked car and did indeed have an incident . I say incident , because it wasn 't really enough of a deal to be an accident , although it certainly was an accident . I wasn 't meaning to hit the four door sedan sitting there so innocently , parked across the street from the park . It was Tuesday and I was dropping Sonya off at Girl Scouts after picking her up from school and violin practice . My Tuesdays are always crazy . Her Girl Scout meetings are at a little cabin next to the park . I usually pull up to the curb , she hops out and goes to the cabin as I watch her . This time I had to park on the opposite side of the street , because there was no parking on the side near the park . Therefore I was going to have to get out and walk her across the street . I finally found a suitable spot and started to pull up to it . I saw the car sitting next to me . It 's not like I didn 't . I 'm not even sure how it happened . I mean sure I 've been crazy busy for a month now and had a ton on my mind so I was distracted in that sense , but it 's Christmas ! Who isn 't ? It 's not like I wasn 't texting or talking on the phone . I wasn 't even yelling at the girls , but all of a sudden as I 'm pulling in front of this car I hear , Yes , that was me saying some VERY bad words in front of all three of my girls . They were out of my mouth before I could stop them . I immediately followed it up with , I mean since they had already heard it , might as well get another one in there . Then they started asking me what happened . They were wondering what made me react in such a way , not to mention the noise they heard . I told them I accidentally hit the car behind us as I was pulling up to the curb . I was frazzled , but got Sonya of of the van , across the street and headed to her Girl Scout meeting . Lana and Georgia kept questioning what was going on and what I was doing . What I was doing was assessing the damage to both cars . My van had a big scratch down the side , but in all honesty , that side didn 't look so good before anyway . It wasn 't bad . Huh . Maybe the other car wasn 't bad either and I could pretend like this WHOLE thing never happened . Nope . The other car had a giant noticeable scratch too . Enough to know that it wasn 't there before , but not horrible . Something that could easily be fixed . I hoped . So I did what I knew was the right thing to do . The thing that would make sure Karma wouldn 't track me down and hit my van with a big rig . I left a note on the windshield . Maybe the person wouldn 't bother calling though . There was still hope I could pretend this never happened . Except he did call . Luckily he was a very understanding considerate man . He had been at the park playing with his kid when it happened . He told me that he googled my name since I left the note and found this blog . Then he said to me , " You 're really busy , so why don 't you just call your insurance company and have them deal with this , then you don 't have to worry about it . I just have one child and know how hard it is . I can 't imagine three ! " I found it amusing that he thinks I 'm so busy after reading a bit of my blog . What would lead him to think that I wonder ? I find it even more amusing that people can google me and come upon this website and look ! One accident and I have a new reader . ( Hi Mychael ! ) Perhaps I should hit more people parked near parks since they most likely have children . Although my insurance rates would most likely increase , which would sorta defeat the purpose I suppose . Anyway , my insurance company was great , they are dealing with it and it 's off my plate . I am sorry that this nice guy has to deal with getting his car fixed . He did tell me he worked freelance , and since he 's slow right now this would give him something to do . See I helped him out ! Just spreading the cheer everywhere this holiday season ! I didn 't tell Andy at first , because he had a lot going on the day it happened . Plus I wanted to get all the information I needed about what , if anything , it would cost us and how to proceed . I knew I would eventually have to tell him , not because of the scratch on the side of the van he 'd probably never notice that , but because I had three eyewitnesses who would surely rat me out at some point . Not to mention the fact that someday when one of them drops the F bomb , he 's going to be wondering where they heard it . GUILTY . It sucks too , because I 'm usually so good at watching my language around them . Oh well , as long as we 're not in public if they do say it we 'll be all good . Otherwise you 'll be reading about it on here . I will try to be more careful from now on . Not that I 'm not usually careful . In fact my insurance company said my rates would most likely not increase , because this wasn 't that bad . Also because , as they put it , I 've had a " boring record " for the past fourteen years . I did have a couple speeding tickets and was nabbed with a rolling stop when I was younger . Now I 'm a good driver . I do fear I have made my girls a bit nervous in the car now though . Later that day when I went to pick Sonya up from Girl Scouts , I had to turn around in the middle of the street . During my three point turn I got close to a parked car and Lana said , Last Tuesday morning I woke up , in a panic realizing , I forgot to do something . Every Tuesday I take Georgia to " class " . It 's a parent education class at the adult school down the street . It 's great , because we go together , she plays with kids her age while I hang out with the other moms . Then we do a circle time and sing songs . Afterward , all the moms go to a different room to have a discussion while the kids play next door . We all take turns watching the kids . It 's an awesome program and I wish I would have done it sooner , but I didn 't even know about it until last year . Anyway , last Tuesday Santa was coming to visit the class during our circle time . We were to bring a wrapped book so Santa could give it to our child . Of course , I forgot to get a damn book . No worries though ! We have a TON of books at home and I was sure I could find one that we hadn 't read much or at all . I knew she wouldn 't know even if I took one we had read before , but Georgia wouldn 't be the problem . Sonya would . Sonya has a fantastic memory . She always has . My mom has even mentioned that it seems almost photographic . I wouldn 't be surprised , since she learned things like her numbers and letters so early . I knew when I was looking through their books on Tuesday morning , my challenge was going to be finding something Sonya didn 't know we had . I came across a book called " The Goodnight Train " , which we 've had for well over a year . It had been stuck in with all the other small paperbacks and I think we maybe read it once when we first got it . It was a cute little story , perfect for Georgia and I was sure Sonya wouldn 't remember it . I really have to stop underestimating that kid . Well , Santa came to Georgia 's class and she was so excited to see him . She ran run up to him and gave him a hug , when he called her name to give her the present . She had no idea we ever had that particular book and was excited for it . I knew that meant that it would be a bedtime book , which meant Sonya would hear the story too . Little did I know , I wouldn 't have to wait for bedtime for Sonya 's memory to be tested . We picked up Sonya from school later that day and Georgia was telling her all about her visit with Santa and how she got a present . Then Sonya asked what book it was . I told her it was " The Goodnight Train " . Immediately she said , " No , we don 't , " I argued with her . Then I lied , " I think we checked it out from the library before . Maybe that 's what you 're thinking of . " " Nope , we have it already . I know , " she said . Great . She knows . Now what ? I continued to try and convince her that I didn 't see that book in their bookshelf and I really thought we just got it at the library at some point . She was not at all convinced . Then that night we got it out to read before bedtime . As soon as Sonya saw it she said again , " Sonya , I looked in your bookshelf today and I didn 't see it at all , " I told her . Then I said , " It doesn 't matter . This is Georgia 's gift from Santa and she likes it , so can you just drop it please . " Then when I was done reading it she said , " Yeah , I remember we had it because Nona gave it to us . " SERIOUSLY ? ? ! ! She not only remembers that specific book that we have read maybe , MAYBE once , but she remembers who gave it to them ? ! Over a year ago ? ! ? My only saving grace is that Georgia is too young to understand . And for as smart as Sonya is she didn 't figure out I took the book from home . She just thinks Santa gave us a book we already had , but now has mysteriously disappeared . This will be one of those stories that will be fun to piece together for her when she 's older and no longer believes in Santa . In the meantime I really have to watch everything I say and do with her . Actually , I could put this to good use and just start verbally giving her all my lists I make of things that need done . Then I don 't have to go searching to figure out where I put my lists . I 'll have Sonya there to tell me what 's next . Maybe I could even rent her out for other people with bad memories . It would be an extra way to make some cash . I mean she is six , so it 's about time for her to start pulling her weight around here . Posted by Today I had to make a trip to Costco with ALL THREE GIRLS ! AHHH ! THE HORROR ! Actually they were quite good , so that 's not really what I came to tell you today . When we first got there I grabbed a shopping cart and parked it in back of the car parked next to us . I took the girls out of the car and loaded them into the cart . Georgia and Lana were in the front , Sonya was hanging on the side . I was trying to get everything together when I noticed three men with a shopping cart full of Costco goods , standing next to the car I was blocking . I was obviously in their way . I felt bad , immediately apologized and began to move . There were two African American guys and I only mention this because I swear one of them was someone famous . He looked like a younger hotter version of LL Cool J . He smiled at me and said , " No , no problem , don 't worry ! " Then he looked at the girls and said , " Hi girls ! " The girls responded back with a chorus of " hello 's " . The cute guy 's one friend was on the phone and the other one was pushing the cart , which led me to believe they were some sort of entourage to this very handsome charasmatic guy . Living in L . A . you run across famous people just about everywhere . Sometimes you recognize them , sometimes you 're not sure if you do . He may have been someone . Who knows ? All I do know is that he was very attractive and personable while the other two guys he was with were , eh . We continued to walk down the aisle toward the Costco and I noticed Lana looking over my shoulder back to where the men were now loading their goods in their SUV . Then she looked at me and said , What ? Did I hear that right ? She 's three , correct ? How does she know what cute is ? Well , I guess the handsome , alluring stranger made her figure it out . Great . This past Thursday was our annual family trip to Disneyland . This year I had only one kid in diapers ! Even that isn 't too bad , because most of the time she informs me when she has to poop and we make it to a bathroom on time . Anyway , I love our trip to Disney every year . It 's a fun day with the whole family and our friend Melinda who gets us in for free ! Because really , who the hell can afford $ 76 a ticket these days ? Yes we use Melinda to get us in for free , but we also love her company . Plus in all fairness she uses us to get out of work for a day and go to Disney instead . It 's not a bad trade off . ( Thanks again Melinda ! ) It 's also a day that forces me not to cook , clean and be distracted by other duties . A day to hang out and have fun with my kids and husband . That 's just what we did . I think we rode more rides than we have in the past , which I was excited about , because I love rides . We did the usual ones like Dumbo , the carousel and Teacups . Well , Sonya and I didn 't ride the Teacups but everyone else did . She and I were more keen on keeping our breakfast in our stomachs for the time being . Riding the Teacups would have made that impossible for us . Then we tried some new ones . Andy and Melinda took Sonya and Lana on the little roller coaster in Toon Town . Unfortunately , Georgia wasn 't quite tall enough and she was NOT happy about it . She cried for about five minutes after they left . I distracted her by taking her into Goofy 's house and Donald 's boat . Every once in a while she would realize we were alone and the reason for that was because she couldn 't ride the roller coaster , so she would get upset all over again . Poor thing . Hopefully next year she 'll make the cut . We also did new rides like , Autotopia . That 's the one where you drive the cars around the track . Not sure why we never did that one before . I guess we just never got over there in the past . We only saw it this time , because we decided to go on the Finding Nemo ride . This ride opened over three years ago , but we 've never gone on , because the line hIt started out harmless enough . Except there was the guy behind us who freaked out when they closed the top of the submarine . He decided he had to get out RIGHT THEN , leaving his five year old son in the care of a stranger for the ride . I 'm assuming he was claustrophobic . Why even get in line , I 'm not sure , perhaps he thought he could handle it . Guess not . We were all fine . So far . It started off like I thought the whole thing was going to be . We were just looking through the portholes into what looked like the ocean , but with fake fish and fake coral . The girls were enjoying it , until we " dove deeper " and ended up in darkness . Then it also got extremely loud , which I guess was good , because then nobody could hear the screaming and crying of my two youngest girls . They were both in hysterics , Georgia more than Lana . They both kept saying " Mommy ! ! I wanna go hoooommmme ! " Oh boy . It wouldn 't have been that bad if we were on Snow White or Peter Pan and they would have gotten scared . Those rides are over in , what , 2 minutes ? Not Nemo . No , Nemo was more like Pirates of the Caribbean length . Perhaps a little less , but I 'm guessing we were in that sub for at least seven minutes with my screaming children , which felt more like an hour . When we finally got back to the start , the girls had calmed down some , but GG was still talking about going home . She was much happier when we went to the Autotopia and let her drive Andy around the track for five minutes instead . The rest of the day went more smoothly . There weren 't even any major kid breakdowns to speak of . We managed to convince Sonya to go on Pirates of the Caribbean , which she liked . I wasn 't sure if that was ever going to happen . Next year we 'll attempt the Haunted Mansion with her . Although the other two are sticking to Toon Town and Dumbo for a while . Even now they Lana keeps saying , All in all it was a great day . We had ice cream for dinner and stayed for Fireworks . Then we changed all the girls into their PJs when we got to the car and they were asleep within five minutes of leaving . I guess next year there will be no " Submaween wide " for the Dadekains . They 're just going to have to find Nemo without us . Posted by I know posting has been light the past week , and I apologize for that . Can 't say it 's going to get much better until after Christmas . I 'm about to enter into a very crazy time because of the holidays . Oh and since I didn 't have enough going on , I 've volunteered to do things at Sonya 's school and for Georgia 's class over the next few weeks . I blame my mom for this . She also can never sit still . Thanks mom ! Anyway , I will do my best to keep you updated when I can . Keep checking back ! In the meantime I did want to tell you about Sonya 's move to her new room . Sonya turned six a few weeks ago , and I 'm embarrassed to admit , was still in a toddler bed . I know , I know , but we were just trying to figure out when and how to move her out . Georgia was still in her crib and that particular crib turns into a double bed , so it was going to mean a whole lot of work getting everything switched around . Since my in - laws were here until Tuesday , we decided it would be a good idea for Andy and his father to put the bed together on Sunday . We would get a mattress for it and be all set . There was also the matter of moving toys and clothes around while purging ourselves of a ton of baby toys we still had . ( I won 't tell you how sad that particular task made me . Well , maybe not as sad as taking down the crib . Tear . ) So the plan was to have Sonya at least sleeping in her room by Sunday night , even though the things in the rooms would still need moving . Ah plans ! How they rarely work out . Andy and his father went to buy a mattress on Sunday afternoon . I told him just to buy it and put it in the van because it would fit with all the seats down . Instead they got it delivered for Monday night . Apparently it was cheaper price and a better mattress to have it delivered . Don 't ask me , I wasn 't there . Sounds kind of strange , but fine whatever . Sonya slept on the floor with her sisters in her old room on Sunday night . It was so nice with all of them in there together . They went right to sleep with no problems . Oh WAIT ! That 's right , they were up until TEN PM ! ! Sonya managed to fall asleep amidst the chaos around nine , but the other two were in full party mode for another hour . Monday came and I worked on the rooms some more . It look like a bomb exploded in my house , but it was slowly getting done . The mattress was scheduled to be delivered between 6 - 9pm . I just LOVE the delivery window , don 't you ? I don 't know why , but I had one of my premonitions that it just wasn 't going to come . I ignored it . Then when 8 : 30 rolled around , but the mattress didn 't , I knew I was probably right . We eventually put Sonya to bed with the girls again . This time they were all so tired from the night before they fell asleep fairly quick . Still , she was supposed to be sleeping in her new bed and here she was on the floor again . No phone call from the store , nothing . The store was already closed , but I called and left a message anyway , letting them know I wasn 't so happy . Let me tell you now , if you 're ever in a situation like this where you 've been wronged , leave it to me to make it right . I become what I like to refer to as " nice bitchy " . You can tell I 'm mad , but I 'm trying to act nice to not put the other party completely on the defensive . It 's only when I don 't get results do I get " bitchy bitchy " . And I have had to go there a few times . It 's not pretty . Ask anyone in my family . Especially when I 'm hungry and waiting for a table in a restaurant and someone who walks in after us gets a table first . OH NO THEY DIDIN ' ! ! Do NOT go there with me . Anyway , I received no phone call the next morning , so I called them myself . I started out nice bitchy , preparing myself to take out the big guns if needed . I explained the situation and the polite man on the phone , who didn 't really have anything to do with our sale or what happened , went to investigate . When he called me back he explained that somehow the invoice did not get faxed over to them , therefore they didn 't even know there was a mattress to be delivered yesterday , and could they deliver it tomorrow instead ? To which I replied , " Well , my daughter had to sleep on the floor last night because you didn 't bring the mattress when you said you would , and that will not happen again today . If you don 't want an angry customer , then you will deliver today before 6pm , " I told him . Yes , I was quickly approaching bitchy bitchy . " Okay , hold on , " he told me . Then he came back to the phone and informed me they would have it at my house between 2 - 4pm . Well , look at that ! They DID have time today . I thanked him and hung up . Around 3pm , the mattress arrived . The delivery man was apologetic and nice , but there was one tiny problem . The box spring we got to go with it , was WAY to big for the bed . He knew as soon as he took one look at the bed . He told me there was a " bunky board " box spring that was smaller and would be a better size . Unfortunately , they wouldn 't be able to deliver it until Wednesday , but we could keep this one until they could switch it out . It wasn 't their fault we got the wrong box spring , so that was fine with me . It was a bit ridiculous looking though . I felt like I should put a pea under the mattress to see if Sonya could feel it while she was sleeping , thus proving her a real princess . After he left , I continued my quest for the room swap . It was a mess and I was exhausted . Then around 5 : 30 the mattress store called back . It was the same delivery guy . He felt bad at how high the bed was and managed to find the smaller box spring in their Burbank store . Would it be okay for them to deliver it and take the other one sometime within in the hour ? HELLS YEAH ! I told him . Well maybe it was more like , " that would be great " , but I was excited that they were making up for the faux pas from the night before . So they did . They redeemed themselves for their mistake and I was able to leave nice bitchy behind and just be nice . The bed was much better with the smaller box spring and it looks great . Sonya was excited to sleep in her new room and new bed last night . Despite the fact that earlier in the week she told me she was a little sad that she would be the only one sleeping without a partner , she fell asleep just fine . Plus she did find a new partner and Jazz found a new comfy spot to snooze . I wish I could say the other two who are now partnered up fell asleep just fine too , but I think it 's going to be a long time before the party ends in that room . . . if ever . Now , my first baby girl is back to the first bed and first room she ever slept in . Even if it is much bigger and more grown up . That 's the part that makes this the most difficult , because so is she . * Just a quick note - we are not completely done with the room and yes the animal border will be coming down and replaced with something else . For now , it 's my last baby reminder . Tear . I 'm a 40 year old stay at home mom of 3 girls . I love being with them , but some days they drive me to drink , literally . My husband , Andy , is a fantastic daddy and a great husband . He makes me laugh every day . Even though this is not where I thought I 'd end up , it 's starting to feel more like it 's where I am supposed to be . Starting this blog has helped me with that . |
I suppose I can 't argue with that logic . I can barely help her with her first grade " pre - geometry " math . I really wish I was kidding about that . Posted by Hello all ! I 'm sorry I 've been a little behind in the posting lately . It 's that crazy time of year . I 'm just taking a little time to spend with the girls , my husband and parents , while they 're here . I just wanted to take a minute to say Merry Christmas to all of you out there who keep up with me and my girls ! Thanks for all your support over the past year and a half . I hope you have a wonderful holiday season . I promise to go back to my normally scheduled writing program once the craziness of this time of year passes . Don 't worry , I already have stories . Like Sonya wanting to get her ears pierced out of nowhere . WHAT ? ! Stay tuned . . . Ever since Sonya lost her first tooth , my girls are obsessed with loose teeth now . Sonya does have another loose tooth right now , but Lana and Georgia are always telling me that one of their teeth is loose . Which of course it isn 't . They just want to be like their older sister . Not to mention that they saw how she was given money for her tooth , so it seems like a good trade off . Unfortunately for them , it 'll be a few years before a tooth actually does get loose . In the meantime they inspect every kid now to see if they have missing teeth then point it out to me when they do . On a completely different note , a couple weeks ago my dishwasher decided to stop working . ( Stick with me , these stories will tie together ) Something that I was SO happy about since I was planning a Christmas party and had eight different types of cookies , not to mention appetizer to make . This meant A LOT of dishes . So yeah , great timing . Doesn 't it always happen like that ? I called Sears to come out and repair it for us . First they weren 't going to come for almost a week . A WEEK ! Then I did call and manage to get a sooner appointment . But in the meantime I had to wash dishes by hand . Something I hadn 't done since I was eight . It was like living in the dark ages . Well , last Wednesday the repairman came to our house to fix our disabled dishwasher . He was a very nice man . However , upon first glance looked a little rough . Like he had some bad younger years but was trying to get his life together . He had a number of tattoos , which is not a big deal to me . I don 't mind tattoos and in fact have one myself , but it was the kind they were ( skulls ) and the places they were ( on his neck ) . The kind of thing that screams bad ass . There was also the fact that he was missing about three teeth in the front . But like I said before , he was a good guy . He fixed my dishwasher , and he asked about the girls . He had a two year old boy at home and we chatted about the terrible twos . As it turns out , my dishwasher had a build up of calcium due to the hard water we ha " Look mom ! He lost his tooth ! " Well , I did what I needed to do . I ignored her and carried on my conversation hoping he didn 't hear her or at least understand what she had said . Luckily , Lana didn 't push the issue , which is kinda weird for her , because most of the time she would have made a bigger deal about it . If he did hear her he didn 't let on , which I was thankful for , although I did feel badly that she had said that . He finished explaining to me what to do with the dishwasher and soon left . Thank goodness Lana didn 't say anything else embarrassing , like " why is there Halloween on that guy 's neck ? " . Between Sonya recently saying embarrassing things and now Lana , I 'm thinking that perhaps I will just give them all big pieces of bubble gum whenever people come over so they can 't talk at all . Well , either that or duct tape . Posted by After twenty years of driving you would think I would know how to pull up to a curb in front of a parked car without incident . You would think that , but you wouldn 't be correct . Tuesday afternoon I tried to pull up to the curb in front of a parked car and did indeed have an incident . I say incident , because it wasn 't really enough of a deal to be an accident , although it certainly was an accident . I wasn 't meaning to hit the four door sedan sitting there so innocently , parked across the street from the park . It was Tuesday and I was dropping Sonya off at Girl Scouts after picking her up from school and violin practice . My Tuesdays are always crazy . Her Girl Scout meetings are at a little cabin next to the park . I usually pull up to the curb , she hops out and goes to the cabin as I watch her . This time I had to park on the opposite side of the street , because there was no parking on the side near the park . Therefore I was going to have to get out and walk her across the street . I finally found a suitable spot and started to pull up to it . I saw the car sitting next to me . It 's not like I didn 't . I 'm not even sure how it happened . I mean sure I 've been crazy busy for a month now and had a ton on my mind so I was distracted in that sense , but it 's Christmas ! Who isn 't ? It 's not like I wasn 't texting or talking on the phone . I wasn 't even yelling at the girls , but all of a sudden as I 'm pulling in front of this car I hear , Yes , that was me saying some VERY bad words in front of all three of my girls . They were out of my mouth before I could stop them . I immediately followed it up with , I mean since they had already heard it , might as well get another one in there . Then they started asking me what happened . They were wondering what made me react in such a way , not to mention the noise they heard . I told them I accidentally hit the car behind us as I was pulling up to the curb . I was frazzled , but got Sonya of of the van , across the street and headed to her Girl Scout meeting . Lana and Georgia kept questioning what was going on and what I was doing . What I was doing was assessing the damage to both cars . My van had a big scratch down the side , but in all honesty , that side didn 't look so good before anyway . It wasn 't bad . Huh . Maybe the other car wasn 't bad either and I could pretend like this WHOLE thing never happened . Nope . The other car had a giant noticeable scratch too . Enough to know that it wasn 't there before , but not horrible . Something that could easily be fixed . I hoped . So I did what I knew was the right thing to do . The thing that would make sure Karma wouldn 't track me down and hit my van with a big rig . I left a note on the windshield . Maybe the person wouldn 't bother calling though . There was still hope I could pretend this never happened . Except he did call . Luckily he was a very understanding considerate man . He had been at the park playing with his kid when it happened . He told me that he googled my name since I left the note and found this blog . Then he said to me , " You 're really busy , so why don 't you just call your insurance company and have them deal with this , then you don 't have to worry about it . I just have one child and know how hard it is . I can 't imagine three ! " I found it amusing that he thinks I 'm so busy after reading a bit of my blog . What would lead him to think that I wonder ? I find it even more amusing that people can google me and come upon this website and look ! One accident and I have a new reader . ( Hi Mychael ! ) Perhaps I should hit more people parked near parks since they most likely have children . Although my insurance rates would most likely increase , which would sorta defeat the purpose I suppose . Anyway , my insurance company was great , they are dealing with it and it 's off my plate . I am sorry that this nice guy has to deal with getting his car fixed . He did tell me he worked freelance , and since he 's slow right now this would give him something to do . See I helped him out ! Just spreading the cheer everywhere this holiday season ! I didn 't tell Andy at first , because he had a lot going on the day it happened . Plus I wanted to get all the information I needed about what , if anything , it would cost us and how to proceed . I knew I would eventually have to tell him , not because of the scratch on the side of the van he 'd probably never notice that , but because I had three eyewitnesses who would surely rat me out at some point . Not to mention the fact that someday when one of them drops the F bomb , he 's going to be wondering where they heard it . GUILTY . It sucks too , because I 'm usually so good at watching my language around them . Oh well , as long as we 're not in public if they do say it we 'll be all good . Otherwise you 'll be reading about it on here . I will try to be more careful from now on . Not that I 'm not usually careful . In fact my insurance company said my rates would most likely not increase , because this wasn 't that bad . Also because , as they put it , I 've had a " boring record " for the past fourteen years . I did have a couple speeding tickets and was nabbed with a rolling stop when I was younger . Now I 'm a good driver . I do fear I have made my girls a bit nervous in the car now though . Later that day when I went to pick Sonya up from Girl Scouts , I had to turn around in the middle of the street . During my three point turn I got close to a parked car and Lana said , Last Tuesday morning I woke up , in a panic realizing , I forgot to do something . Every Tuesday I take Georgia to " class " . It 's a parent education class at the adult school down the street . It 's great , because we go together , she plays with kids her age while I hang out with the other moms . Then we do a circle time and sing songs . Afterward , all the moms go to a different room to have a discussion while the kids play next door . We all take turns watching the kids . It 's an awesome program and I wish I would have done it sooner , but I didn 't even know about it until last year . Anyway , last Tuesday Santa was coming to visit the class during our circle time . We were to bring a wrapped book so Santa could give it to our child . Of course , I forgot to get a damn book . No worries though ! We have a TON of books at home and I was sure I could find one that we hadn 't read much or at all . I knew she wouldn 't know even if I took one we had read before , but Georgia wouldn 't be the problem . Sonya would . Sonya has a fantastic memory . She always has . My mom has even mentioned that it seems almost photographic . I wouldn 't be surprised , since she learned things like her numbers and letters so early . I knew when I was looking through their books on Tuesday morning , my challenge was going to be finding something Sonya didn 't know we had . I came across a book called " The Goodnight Train " , which we 've had for well over a year . It had been stuck in with all the other small paperbacks and I think we maybe read it once when we first got it . It was a cute little story , perfect for Georgia and I was sure Sonya wouldn 't remember it . I really have to stop underestimating that kid . Well , Santa came to Georgia 's class and she was so excited to see him . She ran run up to him and gave him a hug , when he called her name to give her the present . She had no idea we ever had that particular book and was excited for it . I knew that meant that it would be a bedtime book , which meant Sonya would hear the story too . Little did I know , I wouldn 't have to wait for bedtime for Sonya 's memory to be tested . We picked up Sonya from school later that day and Georgia was telling her all about her visit with Santa and how she got a present . Then Sonya asked what book it was . I told her it was " The Goodnight Train " . Immediately she said , " No , we don 't , " I argued with her . Then I lied , " I think we checked it out from the library before . Maybe that 's what you 're thinking of . " " Nope , we have it already . I know , " she said . Great . She knows . Now what ? I continued to try and convince her that I didn 't see that book in their bookshelf and I really thought we just got it at the library at some point . She was not at all convinced . Then that night we got it out to read before bedtime . As soon as Sonya saw it she said again , " Sonya , I looked in your bookshelf today and I didn 't see it at all , " I told her . Then I said , " It doesn 't matter . This is Georgia 's gift from Santa and she likes it , so can you just drop it please . " Then when I was done reading it she said , " Yeah , I remember we had it because Nona gave it to us . " SERIOUSLY ? ? ! ! She not only remembers that specific book that we have read maybe , MAYBE once , but she remembers who gave it to them ? ! Over a year ago ? ! ? My only saving grace is that Georgia is too young to understand . And for as smart as Sonya is she didn 't figure out I took the book from home . She just thinks Santa gave us a book we already had , but now has mysteriously disappeared . This will be one of those stories that will be fun to piece together for her when she 's older and no longer believes in Santa . In the meantime I really have to watch everything I say and do with her . Actually , I could put this to good use and just start verbally giving her all my lists I make of things that need done . Then I don 't have to go searching to figure out where I put my lists . I 'll have Sonya there to tell me what 's next . Maybe I could even rent her out for other people with bad memories . It would be an extra way to make some cash . I mean she is six , so it 's about time for her to start pulling her weight around here . Posted by Today I had to make a trip to Costco with ALL THREE GIRLS ! AHHH ! THE HORROR ! Actually they were quite good , so that 's not really what I came to tell you today . When we first got there I grabbed a shopping cart and parked it in back of the car parked next to us . I took the girls out of the car and loaded them into the cart . Georgia and Lana were in the front , Sonya was hanging on the side . I was trying to get everything together when I noticed three men with a shopping cart full of Costco goods , standing next to the car I was blocking . I was obviously in their way . I felt bad , immediately apologized and began to move . There were two African American guys and I only mention this because I swear one of them was someone famous . He looked like a younger hotter version of LL Cool J . He smiled at me and said , " No , no problem , don 't worry ! " Then he looked at the girls and said , " Hi girls ! " The girls responded back with a chorus of " hello 's " . The cute guy 's one friend was on the phone and the other one was pushing the cart , which led me to believe they were some sort of entourage to this very handsome charasmatic guy . Living in L . A . you run across famous people just about everywhere . Sometimes you recognize them , sometimes you 're not sure if you do . He may have been someone . Who knows ? All I do know is that he was very attractive and personable while the other two guys he was with were , eh . We continued to walk down the aisle toward the Costco and I noticed Lana looking over my shoulder back to where the men were now loading their goods in their SUV . Then she looked at me and said , What ? Did I hear that right ? She 's three , correct ? How does she know what cute is ? Well , I guess the handsome , alluring stranger made her figure it out . Great . This past Thursday was our annual family trip to Disneyland . This year I had only one kid in diapers ! Even that isn 't too bad , because most of the time she informs me when she has to poop and we make it to a bathroom on time . Anyway , I love our trip to Disney every year . It 's a fun day with the whole family and our friend Melinda who gets us in for free ! Because really , who the hell can afford $ 76 a ticket these days ? Yes we use Melinda to get us in for free , but we also love her company . Plus in all fairness she uses us to get out of work for a day and go to Disney instead . It 's not a bad trade off . ( Thanks again Melinda ! ) It 's also a day that forces me not to cook , clean and be distracted by other duties . A day to hang out and have fun with my kids and husband . That 's just what we did . I think we rode more rides than we have in the past , which I was excited about , because I love rides . We did the usual ones like Dumbo , the carousel and Teacups . Well , Sonya and I didn 't ride the Teacups but everyone else did . She and I were more keen on keeping our breakfast in our stomachs for the time being . Riding the Teacups would have made that impossible for us . Then we tried some new ones . Andy and Melinda took Sonya and Lana on the little roller coaster in Toon Town . Unfortunately , Georgia wasn 't quite tall enough and she was NOT happy about it . She cried for about five minutes after they left . I distracted her by taking her into Goofy 's house and Donald 's boat . Every once in a while she would realize we were alone and the reason for that was because she couldn 't ride the roller coaster , so she would get upset all over again . Poor thing . Hopefully next year she 'll make the cut . We also did new rides like , Autotopia . That 's the one where you drive the cars around the track . Not sure why we never did that one before . I guess we just never got over there in the past . We only saw it this time , because we decided to go on the Finding Nemo ride . This ride opened over three years ago , but we 've never gone on , because the line hIt started out harmless enough . Except there was the guy behind us who freaked out when they closed the top of the submarine . He decided he had to get out RIGHT THEN , leaving his five year old son in the care of a stranger for the ride . I 'm assuming he was claustrophobic . Why even get in line , I 'm not sure , perhaps he thought he could handle it . Guess not . We were all fine . So far . It started off like I thought the whole thing was going to be . We were just looking through the portholes into what looked like the ocean , but with fake fish and fake coral . The girls were enjoying it , until we " dove deeper " and ended up in darkness . Then it also got extremely loud , which I guess was good , because then nobody could hear the screaming and crying of my two youngest girls . They were both in hysterics , Georgia more than Lana . They both kept saying " Mommy ! ! I wanna go hoooommmme ! " Oh boy . It wouldn 't have been that bad if we were on Snow White or Peter Pan and they would have gotten scared . Those rides are over in , what , 2 minutes ? Not Nemo . No , Nemo was more like Pirates of the Caribbean length . Perhaps a little less , but I 'm guessing we were in that sub for at least seven minutes with my screaming children , which felt more like an hour . When we finally got back to the start , the girls had calmed down some , but GG was still talking about going home . She was much happier when we went to the Autotopia and let her drive Andy around the track for five minutes instead . The rest of the day went more smoothly . There weren 't even any major kid breakdowns to speak of . We managed to convince Sonya to go on Pirates of the Caribbean , which she liked . I wasn 't sure if that was ever going to happen . Next year we 'll attempt the Haunted Mansion with her . Although the other two are sticking to Toon Town and Dumbo for a while . Even now they Lana keeps saying , All in all it was a great day . We had ice cream for dinner and stayed for Fireworks . Then we changed all the girls into their PJs when we got to the car and they were asleep within five minutes of leaving . I guess next year there will be no " Submaween wide " for the Dadekains . They 're just going to have to find Nemo without us . Posted by I know posting has been light the past week , and I apologize for that . Can 't say it 's going to get much better until after Christmas . I 'm about to enter into a very crazy time because of the holidays . Oh and since I didn 't have enough going on , I 've volunteered to do things at Sonya 's school and for Georgia 's class over the next few weeks . I blame my mom for this . She also can never sit still . Thanks mom ! Anyway , I will do my best to keep you updated when I can . Keep checking back ! In the meantime I did want to tell you about Sonya 's move to her new room . Sonya turned six a few weeks ago , and I 'm embarrassed to admit , was still in a toddler bed . I know , I know , but we were just trying to figure out when and how to move her out . Georgia was still in her crib and that particular crib turns into a double bed , so it was going to mean a whole lot of work getting everything switched around . Since my in - laws were here until Tuesday , we decided it would be a good idea for Andy and his father to put the bed together on Sunday . We would get a mattress for it and be all set . There was also the matter of moving toys and clothes around while purging ourselves of a ton of baby toys we still had . ( I won 't tell you how sad that particular task made me . Well , maybe not as sad as taking down the crib . Tear . ) So the plan was to have Sonya at least sleeping in her room by Sunday night , even though the things in the rooms would still need moving . Ah plans ! How they rarely work out . Andy and his father went to buy a mattress on Sunday afternoon . I told him just to buy it and put it in the van because it would fit with all the seats down . Instead they got it delivered for Monday night . Apparently it was cheaper price and a better mattress to have it delivered . Don 't ask me , I wasn 't there . Sounds kind of strange , but fine whatever . Sonya slept on the floor with her sisters in her old room on Sunday night . It was so nice with all of them in there together . They went right to sleep with no problems . Oh WAIT ! That 's right , they were up until TEN PM ! ! Sonya managed to fall asleep amidst the chaos around nine , but the other two were in full party mode for another hour . Monday came and I worked on the rooms some more . It look like a bomb exploded in my house , but it was slowly getting done . The mattress was scheduled to be delivered between 6 - 9pm . I just LOVE the delivery window , don 't you ? I don 't know why , but I had one of my premonitions that it just wasn 't going to come . I ignored it . Then when 8 : 30 rolled around , but the mattress didn 't , I knew I was probably right . We eventually put Sonya to bed with the girls again . This time they were all so tired from the night before they fell asleep fairly quick . Still , she was supposed to be sleeping in her new bed and here she was on the floor again . No phone call from the store , nothing . The store was already closed , but I called and left a message anyway , letting them know I wasn 't so happy . Let me tell you now , if you 're ever in a situation like this where you 've been wronged , leave it to me to make it right . I become what I like to refer to as " nice bitchy " . You can tell I 'm mad , but I 'm trying to act nice to not put the other party completely on the defensive . It 's only when I don 't get results do I get " bitchy bitchy " . And I have had to go there a few times . It 's not pretty . Ask anyone in my family . Especially when I 'm hungry and waiting for a table in a restaurant and someone who walks in after us gets a table first . OH NO THEY DIDIN ' ! ! Do NOT go there with me . Anyway , I received no phone call the next morning , so I called them myself . I started out nice bitchy , preparing myself to take out the big guns if needed . I explained the situation and the polite man on the phone , who didn 't really have anything to do with our sale or what happened , went to investigate . When he called me back he explained that somehow the invoice did not get faxed over to them , therefore they didn 't even know there was a mattress to be delivered yesterday , and could they deliver it tomorrow instead ? To which I replied , " Well , my daughter had to sleep on the floor last night because you didn 't bring the mattress when you said you would , and that will not happen again today . If you don 't want an angry customer , then you will deliver today before 6pm , " I told him . Yes , I was quickly approaching bitchy bitchy . " Okay , hold on , " he told me . Then he came back to the phone and informed me they would have it at my house between 2 - 4pm . Well , look at that ! They DID have time today . I thanked him and hung up . Around 3pm , the mattress arrived . The delivery man was apologetic and nice , but there was one tiny problem . The box spring we got to go with it , was WAY to big for the bed . He knew as soon as he took one look at the bed . He told me there was a " bunky board " box spring that was smaller and would be a better size . Unfortunately , they wouldn 't be able to deliver it until Wednesday , but we could keep this one until they could switch it out . It wasn 't their fault we got the wrong box spring , so that was fine with me . It was a bit ridiculous looking though . I felt like I should put a pea under the mattress to see if Sonya could feel it while she was sleeping , thus proving her a real princess . After he left , I continued my quest for the room swap . It was a mess and I was exhausted . Then around 5 : 30 the mattress store called back . It was the same delivery guy . He felt bad at how high the bed was and managed to find the smaller box spring in their Burbank store . Would it be okay for them to deliver it and take the other one sometime within in the hour ? HELLS YEAH ! I told him . Well maybe it was more like , " that would be great " , but I was excited that they were making up for the faux pas from the night before . So they did . They redeemed themselves for their mistake and I was able to leave nice bitchy behind and just be nice . The bed was much better with the smaller box spring and it looks great . Sonya was excited to sleep in her new room and new bed last night . Despite the fact that earlier in the week she told me she was a little sad that she would be the only one sleeping without a partner , she fell asleep just fine . Plus she did find a new partner and Jazz found a new comfy spot to snooze . I wish I could say the other two who are now partnered up fell asleep just fine too , but I think it 's going to be a long time before the party ends in that room . . . if ever . Now , my first baby girl is back to the first bed and first room she ever slept in . Even if it is much bigger and more grown up . That 's the part that makes this the most difficult , because so is she . * Just a quick note - we are not completely done with the room and yes the animal border will be coming down and replaced with something else . For now , it 's my last baby reminder . Tear . I 'm a 40 year old stay at home mom of 3 girls . I love being with them , but some days they drive me to drink , literally . My husband , Andy , is a fantastic daddy and a great husband . He makes me laugh every day . Even though this is not where I thought I 'd end up , it 's starting to feel more like it 's where I am supposed to be . Starting this blog has helped me with that . |
I suppose I can 't argue with that logic . I can barely help her with her first grade " pre - geometry " math . I really wish I was kidding about that . Posted by Hello all ! I 'm sorry I 've been a little behind in the posting lately . It 's that crazy time of year . I 'm just taking a little time to spend with the girls , my husband and parents , while they 're here . I just wanted to take a minute to say Merry Christmas to all of you out there who keep up with me and my girls ! Thanks for all your support over the past year and a half . I hope you have a wonderful holiday season . I promise to go back to my normally scheduled writing program once the craziness of this time of year passes . Don 't worry , I already have stories . Like Sonya wanting to get her ears pierced out of nowhere . WHAT ? ! Stay tuned . . . Ever since Sonya lost her first tooth , my girls are obsessed with loose teeth now . Sonya does have another loose tooth right now , but Lana and Georgia are always telling me that one of their teeth is loose . Which of course it isn 't . They just want to be like their older sister . Not to mention that they saw how she was given money for her tooth , so it seems like a good trade off . Unfortunately for them , it 'll be a few years before a tooth actually does get loose . In the meantime they inspect every kid now to see if they have missing teeth then point it out to me when they do . On a completely different note , a couple weeks ago my dishwasher decided to stop working . ( Stick with me , these stories will tie together ) Something that I was SO happy about since I was planning a Christmas party and had eight different types of cookies , not to mention appetizer to make . This meant A LOT of dishes . So yeah , great timing . Doesn 't it always happen like that ? I called Sears to come out and repair it for us . First they weren 't going to come for almost a week . A WEEK ! Then I did call and manage to get a sooner appointment . But in the meantime I had to wash dishes by hand . Something I hadn 't done since I was eight . It was like living in the dark ages . Well , last Wednesday the repairman came to our house to fix our disabled dishwasher . He was a very nice man . However , upon first glance looked a little rough . Like he had some bad younger years but was trying to get his life together . He had a number of tattoos , which is not a big deal to me . I don 't mind tattoos and in fact have one myself , but it was the kind they were ( skulls ) and the places they were ( on his neck ) . The kind of thing that screams bad ass . There was also the fact that he was missing about three teeth in the front . But like I said before , he was a good guy . He fixed my dishwasher , and he asked about the girls . He had a two year old boy at home and we chatted about the terrible twos . As it turns out , my dishwasher had a build up of calcium due to the hard water we ha " Look mom ! He lost his tooth ! " Well , I did what I needed to do . I ignored her and carried on my conversation hoping he didn 't hear her or at least understand what she had said . Luckily , Lana didn 't push the issue , which is kinda weird for her , because most of the time she would have made a bigger deal about it . If he did hear her he didn 't let on , which I was thankful for , although I did feel badly that she had said that . He finished explaining to me what to do with the dishwasher and soon left . Thank goodness Lana didn 't say anything else embarrassing , like " why is there Halloween on that guy 's neck ? " . Between Sonya recently saying embarrassing things and now Lana , I 'm thinking that perhaps I will just give them all big pieces of bubble gum whenever people come over so they can 't talk at all . Well , either that or duct tape . Posted by After twenty years of driving you would think I would know how to pull up to a curb in front of a parked car without incident . You would think that , but you wouldn 't be correct . Tuesday afternoon I tried to pull up to the curb in front of a parked car and did indeed have an incident . I say incident , because it wasn 't really enough of a deal to be an accident , although it certainly was an accident . I wasn 't meaning to hit the four door sedan sitting there so innocently , parked across the street from the park . It was Tuesday and I was dropping Sonya off at Girl Scouts after picking her up from school and violin practice . My Tuesdays are always crazy . Her Girl Scout meetings are at a little cabin next to the park . I usually pull up to the curb , she hops out and goes to the cabin as I watch her . This time I had to park on the opposite side of the street , because there was no parking on the side near the park . Therefore I was going to have to get out and walk her across the street . I finally found a suitable spot and started to pull up to it . I saw the car sitting next to me . It 's not like I didn 't . I 'm not even sure how it happened . I mean sure I 've been crazy busy for a month now and had a ton on my mind so I was distracted in that sense , but it 's Christmas ! Who isn 't ? It 's not like I wasn 't texting or talking on the phone . I wasn 't even yelling at the girls , but all of a sudden as I 'm pulling in front of this car I hear , Yes , that was me saying some VERY bad words in front of all three of my girls . They were out of my mouth before I could stop them . I immediately followed it up with , I mean since they had already heard it , might as well get another one in there . Then they started asking me what happened . They were wondering what made me react in such a way , not to mention the noise they heard . I told them I accidentally hit the car behind us as I was pulling up to the curb . I was frazzled , but got Sonya of of the van , across the street and headed to her Girl Scout meeting . Lana and Georgia kept questioning what was going on and what I was doing . What I was doing was assessing the damage to both cars . My van had a big scratch down the side , but in all honesty , that side didn 't look so good before anyway . It wasn 't bad . Huh . Maybe the other car wasn 't bad either and I could pretend like this WHOLE thing never happened . Nope . The other car had a giant noticeable scratch too . Enough to know that it wasn 't there before , but not horrible . Something that could easily be fixed . I hoped . So I did what I knew was the right thing to do . The thing that would make sure Karma wouldn 't track me down and hit my van with a big rig . I left a note on the windshield . Maybe the person wouldn 't bother calling though . There was still hope I could pretend this never happened . Except he did call . Luckily he was a very understanding considerate man . He had been at the park playing with his kid when it happened . He told me that he googled my name since I left the note and found this blog . Then he said to me , " You 're really busy , so why don 't you just call your insurance company and have them deal with this , then you don 't have to worry about it . I just have one child and know how hard it is . I can 't imagine three ! " I found it amusing that he thinks I 'm so busy after reading a bit of my blog . What would lead him to think that I wonder ? I find it even more amusing that people can google me and come upon this website and look ! One accident and I have a new reader . ( Hi Mychael ! ) Perhaps I should hit more people parked near parks since they most likely have children . Although my insurance rates would most likely increase , which would sorta defeat the purpose I suppose . Anyway , my insurance company was great , they are dealing with it and it 's off my plate . I am sorry that this nice guy has to deal with getting his car fixed . He did tell me he worked freelance , and since he 's slow right now this would give him something to do . See I helped him out ! Just spreading the cheer everywhere this holiday season ! I didn 't tell Andy at first , because he had a lot going on the day it happened . Plus I wanted to get all the information I needed about what , if anything , it would cost us and how to proceed . I knew I would eventually have to tell him , not because of the scratch on the side of the van he 'd probably never notice that , but because I had three eyewitnesses who would surely rat me out at some point . Not to mention the fact that someday when one of them drops the F bomb , he 's going to be wondering where they heard it . GUILTY . It sucks too , because I 'm usually so good at watching my language around them . Oh well , as long as we 're not in public if they do say it we 'll be all good . Otherwise you 'll be reading about it on here . I will try to be more careful from now on . Not that I 'm not usually careful . In fact my insurance company said my rates would most likely not increase , because this wasn 't that bad . Also because , as they put it , I 've had a " boring record " for the past fourteen years . I did have a couple speeding tickets and was nabbed with a rolling stop when I was younger . Now I 'm a good driver . I do fear I have made my girls a bit nervous in the car now though . Later that day when I went to pick Sonya up from Girl Scouts , I had to turn around in the middle of the street . During my three point turn I got close to a parked car and Lana said , Last Tuesday morning I woke up , in a panic realizing , I forgot to do something . Every Tuesday I take Georgia to " class " . It 's a parent education class at the adult school down the street . It 's great , because we go together , she plays with kids her age while I hang out with the other moms . Then we do a circle time and sing songs . Afterward , all the moms go to a different room to have a discussion while the kids play next door . We all take turns watching the kids . It 's an awesome program and I wish I would have done it sooner , but I didn 't even know about it until last year . Anyway , last Tuesday Santa was coming to visit the class during our circle time . We were to bring a wrapped book so Santa could give it to our child . Of course , I forgot to get a damn book . No worries though ! We have a TON of books at home and I was sure I could find one that we hadn 't read much or at all . I knew she wouldn 't know even if I took one we had read before , but Georgia wouldn 't be the problem . Sonya would . Sonya has a fantastic memory . She always has . My mom has even mentioned that it seems almost photographic . I wouldn 't be surprised , since she learned things like her numbers and letters so early . I knew when I was looking through their books on Tuesday morning , my challenge was going to be finding something Sonya didn 't know we had . I came across a book called " The Goodnight Train " , which we 've had for well over a year . It had been stuck in with all the other small paperbacks and I think we maybe read it once when we first got it . It was a cute little story , perfect for Georgia and I was sure Sonya wouldn 't remember it . I really have to stop underestimating that kid . Well , Santa came to Georgia 's class and she was so excited to see him . She ran run up to him and gave him a hug , when he called her name to give her the present . She had no idea we ever had that particular book and was excited for it . I knew that meant that it would be a bedtime book , which meant Sonya would hear the story too . Little did I know , I wouldn 't have to wait for bedtime for Sonya 's memory to be tested . We picked up Sonya from school later that day and Georgia was telling her all about her visit with Santa and how she got a present . Then Sonya asked what book it was . I told her it was " The Goodnight Train " . Immediately she said , " No , we don 't , " I argued with her . Then I lied , " I think we checked it out from the library before . Maybe that 's what you 're thinking of . " " Nope , we have it already . I know , " she said . Great . She knows . Now what ? I continued to try and convince her that I didn 't see that book in their bookshelf and I really thought we just got it at the library at some point . She was not at all convinced . Then that night we got it out to read before bedtime . As soon as Sonya saw it she said again , " Sonya , I looked in your bookshelf today and I didn 't see it at all , " I told her . Then I said , " It doesn 't matter . This is Georgia 's gift from Santa and she likes it , so can you just drop it please . " Then when I was done reading it she said , " Yeah , I remember we had it because Nona gave it to us . " SERIOUSLY ? ? ! ! She not only remembers that specific book that we have read maybe , MAYBE once , but she remembers who gave it to them ? ! Over a year ago ? ! ? My only saving grace is that Georgia is too young to understand . And for as smart as Sonya is she didn 't figure out I took the book from home . She just thinks Santa gave us a book we already had , but now has mysteriously disappeared . This will be one of those stories that will be fun to piece together for her when she 's older and no longer believes in Santa . In the meantime I really have to watch everything I say and do with her . Actually , I could put this to good use and just start verbally giving her all my lists I make of things that need done . Then I don 't have to go searching to figure out where I put my lists . I 'll have Sonya there to tell me what 's next . Maybe I could even rent her out for other people with bad memories . It would be an extra way to make some cash . I mean she is six , so it 's about time for her to start pulling her weight around here . Posted by Today I had to make a trip to Costco with ALL THREE GIRLS ! AHHH ! THE HORROR ! Actually they were quite good , so that 's not really what I came to tell you today . When we first got there I grabbed a shopping cart and parked it in back of the car parked next to us . I took the girls out of the car and loaded them into the cart . Georgia and Lana were in the front , Sonya was hanging on the side . I was trying to get everything together when I noticed three men with a shopping cart full of Costco goods , standing next to the car I was blocking . I was obviously in their way . I felt bad , immediately apologized and began to move . There were two African American guys and I only mention this because I swear one of them was someone famous . He looked like a younger hotter version of LL Cool J . He smiled at me and said , " No , no problem , don 't worry ! " Then he looked at the girls and said , " Hi girls ! " The girls responded back with a chorus of " hello 's " . The cute guy 's one friend was on the phone and the other one was pushing the cart , which led me to believe they were some sort of entourage to this very handsome charasmatic guy . Living in L . A . you run across famous people just about everywhere . Sometimes you recognize them , sometimes you 're not sure if you do . He may have been someone . Who knows ? All I do know is that he was very attractive and personable while the other two guys he was with were , eh . We continued to walk down the aisle toward the Costco and I noticed Lana looking over my shoulder back to where the men were now loading their goods in their SUV . Then she looked at me and said , What ? Did I hear that right ? She 's three , correct ? How does she know what cute is ? Well , I guess the handsome , alluring stranger made her figure it out . Great . This past Thursday was our annual family trip to Disneyland . This year I had only one kid in diapers ! Even that isn 't too bad , because most of the time she informs me when she has to poop and we make it to a bathroom on time . Anyway , I love our trip to Disney every year . It 's a fun day with the whole family and our friend Melinda who gets us in for free ! Because really , who the hell can afford $ 76 a ticket these days ? Yes we use Melinda to get us in for free , but we also love her company . Plus in all fairness she uses us to get out of work for a day and go to Disney instead . It 's not a bad trade off . ( Thanks again Melinda ! ) It 's also a day that forces me not to cook , clean and be distracted by other duties . A day to hang out and have fun with my kids and husband . That 's just what we did . I think we rode more rides than we have in the past , which I was excited about , because I love rides . We did the usual ones like Dumbo , the carousel and Teacups . Well , Sonya and I didn 't ride the Teacups but everyone else did . She and I were more keen on keeping our breakfast in our stomachs for the time being . Riding the Teacups would have made that impossible for us . Then we tried some new ones . Andy and Melinda took Sonya and Lana on the little roller coaster in Toon Town . Unfortunately , Georgia wasn 't quite tall enough and she was NOT happy about it . She cried for about five minutes after they left . I distracted her by taking her into Goofy 's house and Donald 's boat . Every once in a while she would realize we were alone and the reason for that was because she couldn 't ride the roller coaster , so she would get upset all over again . Poor thing . Hopefully next year she 'll make the cut . We also did new rides like , Autotopia . That 's the one where you drive the cars around the track . Not sure why we never did that one before . I guess we just never got over there in the past . We only saw it this time , because we decided to go on the Finding Nemo ride . This ride opened over three years ago , but we 've never gone on , because the line hIt started out harmless enough . Except there was the guy behind us who freaked out when they closed the top of the submarine . He decided he had to get out RIGHT THEN , leaving his five year old son in the care of a stranger for the ride . I 'm assuming he was claustrophobic . Why even get in line , I 'm not sure , perhaps he thought he could handle it . Guess not . We were all fine . So far . It started off like I thought the whole thing was going to be . We were just looking through the portholes into what looked like the ocean , but with fake fish and fake coral . The girls were enjoying it , until we " dove deeper " and ended up in darkness . Then it also got extremely loud , which I guess was good , because then nobody could hear the screaming and crying of my two youngest girls . They were both in hysterics , Georgia more than Lana . They both kept saying " Mommy ! ! I wanna go hoooommmme ! " Oh boy . It wouldn 't have been that bad if we were on Snow White or Peter Pan and they would have gotten scared . Those rides are over in , what , 2 minutes ? Not Nemo . No , Nemo was more like Pirates of the Caribbean length . Perhaps a little less , but I 'm guessing we were in that sub for at least seven minutes with my screaming children , which felt more like an hour . When we finally got back to the start , the girls had calmed down some , but GG was still talking about going home . She was much happier when we went to the Autotopia and let her drive Andy around the track for five minutes instead . The rest of the day went more smoothly . There weren 't even any major kid breakdowns to speak of . We managed to convince Sonya to go on Pirates of the Caribbean , which she liked . I wasn 't sure if that was ever going to happen . Next year we 'll attempt the Haunted Mansion with her . Although the other two are sticking to Toon Town and Dumbo for a while . Even now they Lana keeps saying , All in all it was a great day . We had ice cream for dinner and stayed for Fireworks . Then we changed all the girls into their PJs when we got to the car and they were asleep within five minutes of leaving . I guess next year there will be no " Submaween wide " for the Dadekains . They 're just going to have to find Nemo without us . Posted by I know posting has been light the past week , and I apologize for that . Can 't say it 's going to get much better until after Christmas . I 'm about to enter into a very crazy time because of the holidays . Oh and since I didn 't have enough going on , I 've volunteered to do things at Sonya 's school and for Georgia 's class over the next few weeks . I blame my mom for this . She also can never sit still . Thanks mom ! Anyway , I will do my best to keep you updated when I can . Keep checking back ! In the meantime I did want to tell you about Sonya 's move to her new room . Sonya turned six a few weeks ago , and I 'm embarrassed to admit , was still in a toddler bed . I know , I know , but we were just trying to figure out when and how to move her out . Georgia was still in her crib and that particular crib turns into a double bed , so it was going to mean a whole lot of work getting everything switched around . Since my in - laws were here until Tuesday , we decided it would be a good idea for Andy and his father to put the bed together on Sunday . We would get a mattress for it and be all set . There was also the matter of moving toys and clothes around while purging ourselves of a ton of baby toys we still had . ( I won 't tell you how sad that particular task made me . Well , maybe not as sad as taking down the crib . Tear . ) So the plan was to have Sonya at least sleeping in her room by Sunday night , even though the things in the rooms would still need moving . Ah plans ! How they rarely work out . Andy and his father went to buy a mattress on Sunday afternoon . I told him just to buy it and put it in the van because it would fit with all the seats down . Instead they got it delivered for Monday night . Apparently it was cheaper price and a better mattress to have it delivered . Don 't ask me , I wasn 't there . Sounds kind of strange , but fine whatever . Sonya slept on the floor with her sisters in her old room on Sunday night . It was so nice with all of them in there together . They went right to sleep with no problems . Oh WAIT ! That 's right , they were up until TEN PM ! ! Sonya managed to fall asleep amidst the chaos around nine , but the other two were in full party mode for another hour . Monday came and I worked on the rooms some more . It look like a bomb exploded in my house , but it was slowly getting done . The mattress was scheduled to be delivered between 6 - 9pm . I just LOVE the delivery window , don 't you ? I don 't know why , but I had one of my premonitions that it just wasn 't going to come . I ignored it . Then when 8 : 30 rolled around , but the mattress didn 't , I knew I was probably right . We eventually put Sonya to bed with the girls again . This time they were all so tired from the night before they fell asleep fairly quick . Still , she was supposed to be sleeping in her new bed and here she was on the floor again . No phone call from the store , nothing . The store was already closed , but I called and left a message anyway , letting them know I wasn 't so happy . Let me tell you now , if you 're ever in a situation like this where you 've been wronged , leave it to me to make it right . I become what I like to refer to as " nice bitchy " . You can tell I 'm mad , but I 'm trying to act nice to not put the other party completely on the defensive . It 's only when I don 't get results do I get " bitchy bitchy " . And I have had to go there a few times . It 's not pretty . Ask anyone in my family . Especially when I 'm hungry and waiting for a table in a restaurant and someone who walks in after us gets a table first . OH NO THEY DIDIN ' ! ! Do NOT go there with me . Anyway , I received no phone call the next morning , so I called them myself . I started out nice bitchy , preparing myself to take out the big guns if needed . I explained the situation and the polite man on the phone , who didn 't really have anything to do with our sale or what happened , went to investigate . When he called me back he explained that somehow the invoice did not get faxed over to them , therefore they didn 't even know there was a mattress to be delivered yesterday , and could they deliver it tomorrow instead ? To which I replied , " Well , my daughter had to sleep on the floor last night because you didn 't bring the mattress when you said you would , and that will not happen again today . If you don 't want an angry customer , then you will deliver today before 6pm , " I told him . Yes , I was quickly approaching bitchy bitchy . " Okay , hold on , " he told me . Then he came back to the phone and informed me they would have it at my house between 2 - 4pm . Well , look at that ! They DID have time today . I thanked him and hung up . Around 3pm , the mattress arrived . The delivery man was apologetic and nice , but there was one tiny problem . The box spring we got to go with it , was WAY to big for the bed . He knew as soon as he took one look at the bed . He told me there was a " bunky board " box spring that was smaller and would be a better size . Unfortunately , they wouldn 't be able to deliver it until Wednesday , but we could keep this one until they could switch it out . It wasn 't their fault we got the wrong box spring , so that was fine with me . It was a bit ridiculous looking though . I felt like I should put a pea under the mattress to see if Sonya could feel it while she was sleeping , thus proving her a real princess . After he left , I continued my quest for the room swap . It was a mess and I was exhausted . Then around 5 : 30 the mattress store called back . It was the same delivery guy . He felt bad at how high the bed was and managed to find the smaller box spring in their Burbank store . Would it be okay for them to deliver it and take the other one sometime within in the hour ? HELLS YEAH ! I told him . Well maybe it was more like , " that would be great " , but I was excited that they were making up for the faux pas from the night before . So they did . They redeemed themselves for their mistake and I was able to leave nice bitchy behind and just be nice . The bed was much better with the smaller box spring and it looks great . Sonya was excited to sleep in her new room and new bed last night . Despite the fact that earlier in the week she told me she was a little sad that she would be the only one sleeping without a partner , she fell asleep just fine . Plus she did find a new partner and Jazz found a new comfy spot to snooze . I wish I could say the other two who are now partnered up fell asleep just fine too , but I think it 's going to be a long time before the party ends in that room . . . if ever . Now , my first baby girl is back to the first bed and first room she ever slept in . Even if it is much bigger and more grown up . That 's the part that makes this the most difficult , because so is she . * Just a quick note - we are not completely done with the room and yes the animal border will be coming down and replaced with something else . For now , it 's my last baby reminder . Tear . I 'm a 40 year old stay at home mom of 3 girls . I love being with them , but some days they drive me to drink , literally . My husband , Andy , is a fantastic daddy and a great husband . He makes me laugh every day . Even though this is not where I thought I 'd end up , it 's starting to feel more like it 's where I am supposed to be . Starting this blog has helped me with that . |
" I don 't know or care who 's fucking out there , but trust that I 'm going to kill you all ! No one shoots at me or my girlfriend and lives ! " ~ ~ LAMTAF ~ ~ The minute I heard Edward 's words my stomach dropped . I laid on the ground , trying to make sense of what was happening when gunfire erupted from every direction . I whimpered and covered my ears . Edward had shoved me behind a tree so that I couldn 't see anything , but I feared for his life . I wouldn 't lose him . I chanced a peek to see what was happening . A few of Edward 's bodyguards had joined the melee , but the bad guys still outnumbered them . Edward would probably be mad at me for not running , but I was not going to leave him . I realized that I still had on my messenger bag , meaning I had a weapon . Well , not exactly a weapon , but the pepper spray Charlie always insisted I carry around . I looked out again and what I saw filled me with terror . There were five men down in the clearing . Two were Edward 's and the other three were our attackers . Edward 's guys shot two of the bad guys , but one of Edward 's men got killed in the process . As I stood shell shocked , the lone gunman fired a shot that hit Edward 's personal guard . I didn 't know his name , but I recognized his blue eyes and dark hair . Edward must have seen his protector go down because he began shooting with renewed vigor . " Who sent you , you fucking coward ? ! Just give up and I may spare your life ! " Edward 's words only seemed to make the bad guy angrier . He fired a shot that came dangerously close to Edward 's chest . I panicked and took out my spray . They were a good twenty feet in front of me . Edward fired his gun . All I heard was a click signaling that he was out of bullets . The other guy was obviously having the same problem because he dropped his gun and rammed into Edward . They tussled on the ground for several minutes , both of them going for blood . The bad guy was much bigger than Edward and was using his full strength to choke him . I had to get the attacker to come after me . Mustering up all my courage , I grabbed a stick and started banging on a tree . I knew my plan had worked when I heard the shooter 's voice . " Well , well , Cullen . It looks like your bitch didn 't run after all . You should have trained her better , but now it 's too late . " Edward pushed the bad guy off of him and went for his head . " Don 't you ever call my babydoll a bitch , you asshole ! You won 't fucking touch her ! " Just then the gunman 's arm connected with his discarded gun . My blood froze as I watched him take the butt of the gun and hit Edward over the head . " Come out , come out , wherever you are ! We can have some fun , darling . I bet I could give you a better ride than Cullen here . If you 're good to me , I 'll give you an easy death . " I listened to his taunts in fear , not for myself , but for my Edward . The longer he stayed there bleeding , the better chance there was that he would die . I could scarcely make out his chest still moving , so he had to be alive . Quietly , I tugged on my motorcycle helmet . I tapped the stick to the side of a tree before going to the opposite end . When the bad guy came to investigate , I was ready . He didn 't even finish his sentence before I sprayed him straight in the eyes . He sputtered and screamed , " You goddamn bitch ! You 're dead ! " He started thrashing around , but he couldn 't see me because his eyes were on fire . Eventually , he got dizzy and fell to his knees . I grabbed the large rock that I had spotted nearby and cracked it over his head . I kept doing it until he was lying unconscious . After that , my adrenaline ran out and I just collapsed . I couldn 't stay still long though because someone else might be coming . I took out the fuzzy handcuffs because I still carried them around . I would miss them , but I needed to tie up the bad guy . He had a faint pulse that let me know he was still alive . I had a feeling Edward and his people were going to want to find out all they could about this ambush , and this was the only hostage we had . I took off my helmet and sprinted over to Edward . He was not moving , and his head was bleeding profusely . I 'd taken first aid and CPR classes since I was twelve , so I knew what to do . I removed my jacket and took off my cap sleeved top . I retrieved a bottle of water from my bag and used it to wet the garment . Then I applied the cloth to Edward 's wound , making sure not to add too much pressure . When he was cleaned sufficiently , I slapped his cheeks lightly in an attempt to get him to wake up . After almost a minute , he opened his eyes . That 's when I broke down and started crying . Edward tried to soothe me , but he was barely conscious , so his attempts were half - hearted . He started to drift off again . I paced back and forth , trying to come up with a way to get us out of this situation . I didn 't have a cell phone with me because I rarely carried it when I was with Edward , and his had gotten destroyed . I was almost about to give up and just start carrying him when I had an epiphany . I sprinted over to Alec . He was bleeding from multiple bullet wounds . When I touched him , he spoke . I thought he was dead , so it came as a surprise . " Ms . Swan ? Are you okay ? " I nodded , slightly confused as to why he was asking me about my health when he was the one dying . " Good . There 's a phone in my right pocket . Call the contact number for Marcus Volturi . Talk to him and tell him what happened . The phone has a GPS tracker . He can send help . My gun has a few bullets left . Keep it with you just in case . " " Alec ? What the fuck is happening . We were attacked . We 'll be in Italy tonight . Where is Edward ? " Obviously Edward hadn 't been the only member of the Volturi to be targeted today . I had never personally met or spoken to Marcus , but Edward considered him his surrogate father , so I knew that I could trust him . " Mr . Volturi , this is Bella Swan . I 'm Edward 's girlfriend . We 've been attacked on our vacation . Edward was hit over the head and can 't move . Alec has been shot and his heart rate is slow . Two of Edward 's other guards are dead . I 'm sc - scared . Please send help . " He spewed a stream of curses , which reminded me of Edward . " Bella , you 've done well . I need you to stay strong for me . I have men close by and I will have them trace the call . They should be there in twenty minutes tops . I want you to stay with Edward and Alec and keep them calm . I am sending a lot of men so don 't be alarmed . Don 't alert them to your location until you hear them say the word ' babydoll . ' This will let you know they 're mine . I have wanted to meet you for quite some time , but I wished it was under better circumstances . I 'm going to hang up now because I have a crisis on my own end . Be safe . " I felt so relieved that I wanted to curl up and go to sleep with Edward . " Thank you , Mr . Volturi . I won 't leave Edward 's side . " I checked Alec to make sure he was breathing . There wasn 't much I could do for him . I bunched my jacket up and placed it on his side wound . I put his hand over it to help staunch the bleeding . Then , I pocketed the phone and gun and ran back over to Edward . His skin was flushed and sweaty . I felt his head and it was as hot as a stove . He had a fever . I reached in my bag and pulled out my travel bottle of Tylenol . I put two in his mouth and poured some water down his throat . He choked a little but managed to get the medicine down . His eyes were still closed and his breathing was slower . " I 'm here , Edward . I love you . Don 't leave me . We have so much left to do together . " My words seemed to soothe him a little . I knew that he shouldn 't be sleeping because he probably had a concussion , but I couldn 't keep him awake because he was in too much pain . I hugged him to my chest and prayed for his safety . After what seemed like forever , I heard footsteps . I grabbed Alec 's gun and pointed . Before I could really panic , I heard the safe word . " I 'm here ! " I yelled , drawing attention to me and Edward . A big man with some kind of rifle came first . He was followed by a battalion of others , all carrying weapons . He looked at me , and then down at Edward . I could only sob because I had been drained of all my energy . He handed me his jacket . I looked down at him in confusion until I remembered I was only wearing my bra , because I used my shirt and jacket to take care of Alec and Edward . I took it and mumbled a terse ' thank you . ' Usually , I would have been embarrassed by something like this , but since I was worried about Edward , I barely noticed . One of the men who rushed in was a doctor . He checked Edward and declared him okay , but unconscious with a head wound . He was more worried about Alec 's gunshots . The guard that had given me his jacket barked some orders to several of the others before picking Edward up and carrying him to a waiting SUV . I followed close behind . When we got to the car , he helped me arrange Edward so that his head was resting on my legs . We took off before the door was even shut . Edward was so pale just lying there . It was strange to see him like that , because he always looked so full of vitality . His thick eyelashes lay against his cheek and his perfect lips were pouting . I leaned down and kissed him , savoring his taste . I would have given anything to see his beautiful green eyes right then . I stroked his hair lovingly and murmured sweet nothings in his ear while we drove to our destination . I meant to ask where they were taking us , but the words never got past my lips . It couldn 't end like this . Making love to Edward had been the best moment of my life , and I wasn 't finished . He was mine and I wanted him for a lifetime . I knew that he was probably going to use what happened today to drive a wedge between us , but I was not going to let that happen . Before we made love , I might have been shaken , but after witnessing first hand the intensity of our love , I would never doubt again . Edward had taken me so fully and thoroughly that there was no doubt left in my mind that he loved me . I longed to feel him big and hard inside of me again , and I wasn 't going to let anything or anyone keep us from our happiness . I leaned down and kissed his lips before answering . " Oh , Edward , I was so worried . I 'm fine . It 's you that I 'm worried about . " He took several deep breaths before sitting up fully . " Fuck , this shit hurts , " he said as he touched his head gingerly . I had never been so happy to hear foul language in my life . He turned to look at me . Whatever he saw made him upset . " What the fuck happened to your clothes ! ? Did … did … one of them touch you ? " His hand was shaking as he leaned forward to caress my cheek . I leaned into his embrace . " No Edward , I 'm fine . I took my shirt off and used it to clean your head wound , and I used my jacket to stop Alec 's bleeding . No one touched me . " He pulled me into a fierce hug , and I clung to him for dear life . After he shushed me , I told him everything that happened . He listened with rapt attention . " You could have fucking died ! Why risk your life like that ? I specifically told you to run . " He was so angry that the words came out in a hiss . The guards in front turned around to look at him . Edward snapped . " What the fuck is your problem ! ? What the hell happened back there ? " Both of the men told him that they didn 't know . They had just taken an order from Marcus and came at his request , and had no clue as to who attacked . They reiterated what I had already told Edward about the attack on the Volturi . " Fuck . Shit . Motherfuckers ! " Edward was pissed , to say the least . " When we get to our safe house , I am putting you on the first plane back to Seattle . " I had to let him know that I wouldn 't be following that demand . " I 'm not leaving without you , Edward . Where you go , I go . I love you . " My statement caused a whole new round of yelling and cursing from Edward . The guard who was driving looked at me through the mirror . His eyes told me I was crazy for refusing an upset Edward , but I didn 't care . I had done it before and lived . What 's the worst he could do ? " You never fucking listen , Isabella ! It 's fucking over ! It was fun while it lasted . I always knew this goddamned day would come . No matter how much I wanted to keep you safe and separate from my world , it found you anyway . I will not get you killed . " I knew that this was coming , but Edward calling me Isabella had hurt . No matter how mad he got at me , he never called me that . It wasn 't that I didn 't like my name , it was just the one people who didn 't know me used . Edward was my best friend and lover . I was Bella or babydoll to him . I grabbed his jaw and turned his face to mine . " Nothing is over , Edward ! We are in love . I 'm not leaving you . So I got shot at , big deal . I knew the risks when I fell in love with you , and I 'm willing to take them . Don 't shut me out again . " He turned his head away , forcing me to drop my hand . I reached for him but he huddled on the other side of the SUV , closing me out . He stared out the window and refused to make eye contact . I turned to my window and let the tears flow . Low rough sobs came out of my mouth and filled the car . The two guards in the front looked back nervously , as if it made them uncomfortable to hear a woman cry . I didn 't care . " Shut the fuck up , Isabella ! You are a whiny , manipulative bitch ! I will put you on that fucking plane myself , even if I have to drug your ass to do it . You have seen the gentled version of Edward Cullen , but that 's not the real me . If you keep being stubborn and refuse to do what I fucking tell you , I will bring out the monster . So just sit there and be quiet , like a good girl . " I wanted to slap him so bad , but he was injured . I was stunned . He had never spoken to me like that . Maybe I didn 't know the real Edward Anthony Masen Cullen at all . " Go to hell , Edward ! I have seen the monster , and he didn 't scare me . Don 't threaten me again . " Apparently , that was not a smart thing to say , because before I could blink , he had me shoved up against the door . " Pull the fuck over ! " he barked to the guards . When they stopped , he pulled me out of the car . He signaled to a black car that was directly behind us , and they pulled over . A man got out , and Edward shoved me to him . " Benjamin , I need you to keep Ms . Swan safe . Make sure she gets to the house and keep her inside . You have my permission to sedate or tase her if she gets out of hand . " I tried to pull away , but the guy 's hold was impenetrable . " Wait , Edward ! Please don 't leave me . I 'll be quiet . I love you . I want to stay with you . Please . " He turned to face me . In his eyes was the previous anger , but behind that I could see the vulnerability . " Just go , Bella . I 'll see you at the house later . " My eyes filled with tears as I watched him get into his SUV to be driven away . The guard , Benjamin , helped me into the car and buckled my seat belt before taking off . There were three men total . One of them tried to make conversation with me , but I ignored them all and continued staring out my window . I had vowed not to leave Edward 's side , and he 'd made me break my promise . He called me a ' whiny , manipulative bitch . ' Was that really how he saw me ? Could all his declarations of love have been a lie ? No . He was mad ; there was no way that he meant those things . I held onto that thought as I drifted off to sleep . I vaguely remembered someone carrying me inside a house and putting me into bed . Soft hands removed my clothes and braided my hair . Every time that I tried to wake up , a dense fog pulled me back in . I had nightmares about Edward leaving me and making love to other women . I cried until my throat burned . I must have slept through the night because when I awoke , there was sunlight streaming through the windows . The room I had been placed in was beautiful . It was done in purple and blue . Everything was silk and satin . The floors were covered with colorful rugs . There was a large flatscreen TV mounted to one wall . There was also a vanity area , large closet , and glass doors leading out to a balcony . The breeze flowing in through the doors was warm , so I knew I had to still be in Italy . I went over to a small table and took the glass of water that was sitting there , drinking it all down in two gulps . I spun around to locate who that voice belonged to . Standing in my doorway was a beautiful older Italian women with long dark hair pulled up into a bun . She had a voluptuous figure and glowing tanned skin . She was wearing a bright yellow dress , and I couldn 't help but smile when I saw her . Her smile was radiant as she walked over to me . " I 'm so sorry . I 'm Didyme , Marcus ' wife . Everyone calls me Di , though . " I took her hand , and I swear I felt instant happiness . " It 's nice to meet you . I 'm Edward 's … " I broke off because I didn 't know what I was anymore . For all I knew , he was going to introduce me as his secretary . I broke out into a fresh round of tears . Di wrapped her arms around me and rubbed my back . " Hush , hush , dear . It 's going to be alright . You 're Edward 's girlfriend . He is madly in love with you . My husband finds that quite amusing because Edward usually doesn 't do relationships . " I wanted to believe that Edward was still in love with me , but my mind kept going back to the fight we 'd had in the car . Di stroked my hair . " Don 't worry darling . I 'm not going to let him send you anywhere . Edward is like my son , and he knows better than to go against me . Just let me handle everything . " I had only known her a few minutes , but I liked her . She reminded me of Esme . " Thank you , Di . I love him so much . I want him to marry me and for us to raise a family . He is my life . " She smiled and patted my leg . " Men can be stubborn , dear . It 's a woman 's job to lead them in the right direction without them knowing it . If it wasn 't for us , they would wander blindly , just fighting and killing each other all day long . You just have to have patience . " We chatted about a lot of stuff , including the attack in Chicago . It turned out that Marcus was just about to handle the Russian situation when he got a call . James ' father Stephen had been killed by one of his men , so James was now the head of that Organization . This hadn 't gone over well with the other groups . James had already killed the man that killed his father and declared his reign without getting permission . Marcus knew that it wasn 't the Russians who attacked the Volturi because they were embroiled in their own crisis , and didn 't have enough time to pull off something this big . Di told me that she and Marcus both believed it was someone on the inside . I was surprised that she and Marcus talked so freely about his work . She assured me that it was essential that they be able to communicate when married to such a powerful man . I agreed , and hoped that one day Edward would let me in the way Marcus did Di . I had to admit , knowing the enemy was in Marcus ' Organization was scary . I hadn 't met most of them , but it could be anyone . Di and I finished our conversation , and she left me alone to shower . I stayed in there a long time , just thinking about Edward . After I finished , I put on a robe and went to the bedroom to get dressed . I had hoped that Edward would be there waiting , but he wasn 't . Thankfully , someone had brought our bags and clothes . I changed into a pair of fitted white capris . I added a hot pink strapless halter top and my ballerina flats . The top had rhinestones around the bust , so the only jewelry I put on was my old diamond earrings . I didn 't wear Edward 's necklace because it would make me sad . I used copper clips to pull the front part of my hair back . I glanced in the mirror and decided that I looked okay . When I was done , Di stepped back into the room . " You look lovely , sweetheart . Come and have lunch with Marcus and me . Gianna and Caius will join us . Gigi told me that you two already met . I 'm sure Edward will be along shortly . " If his godfathers were here , then where was Edward ? I was so worried about him , and he hadn 't even phoned anyone to give me a message . Di led me to a lovely parlor with antique as well as modern furniture . There were also expensive Italian tapestries hanging from the walls . A lanky man stood up to greet us . He wrapped his arms around Di and kissed her on the forehead . His black hair hung to his shoulders and his eyes were dark and fathomless . He had an imposing aura about him . To be honest , he scared me . " Hello , you must be the lovely Bella . Edward is quite infatuated with you , my dear . You have been good for him . I owe you a debt of gratitude for keeping a calm head and calling me for help . You are quite the enchantress . I can see why my godson has fallen so deeply in love . " He kissed my hand , and I started to cry again . Marcus wanted to know all about my life . He was especially interested in the fact that my father had been Chief of Police . We all laughed at the irony of me falling for a man like Edward despite that fact . I started to like Marcus . He looked scary , but he was well read and had an easy wit . I could tell he worshiped the ground Di walked on . " Marcus , do you know where Edward is ? Has he called to ask about me ? Is he okay ? " He looked down at his shoes before answering me . " Bella , as I 'm sure you well know , Edward can be difficult . He is understandably very upset right now . He has ordered me to send you back to Washington , but I refused because I think it 's too dangerous . He and I disagreed on this matter , and he 's gone off to stew . He is well protected and should be here later . " I wanted him here now , but I was willing to take what I could get . Di and Marcus explained that we were at their wine vineyard in Chianti . The villa we were staying in was over a hundred years old and overlooked the valley . Marcus assured me that it was safer than the Pentagon . Many of the vineyard workers were armed and ready to defend if needed . Di promised to take me out to work in the fields if I felt like it . I loved grapes , and I 'd always wanted to see how wine was made , so I agreed . Besides , it would be a welcome distraction to keep my mind off of Edward . Soon after our conversation , Caius and Gianna arrived . Gianna , or Gigi as she told me to call her , kissed me on the cheek and introduced me to her fiancee . I shrieked and jumped when I saw the man whose hand she was holding . He was the palest person I had ever seen . His hair was milk white and his eyes were slate gray . His lips were a dark pink and provided the only color on his body . His arms were hairless and just as white as the rest of him . Where Marcus was night , Caius was day . I knew what he was before he told me , so I felt I had to apologize for my actions . " I 'm so sorry , Sir . Edward speaks so highly of you , but he never told me you were an Albino . Please accept my sincere apology . " He took my hand and kissed the back of it . " You are forgiven , Bella . I must say , you are even more unique than Edward led me to believe . Most people just call me a freak and cower in fear , but you didn 't . You have guts . I like you . " It turned out Caius and I had a lot in common . We spent most of lunch talking about books . We had the same taste in the classics , and he promised to show me his collection at a later date . Surprisingly , I fit in and even managed to charm them . I was very happy because this was Edward 's second family , and I wanted them to like me . We were on the dessert course when the dining room door swung open . Standing there was Edward . He was a sight for sore eyes . He had stubble again , which made him look even sexier , and he was wearing a dark blue pair of pants and a sky blue v - neck shirt . I could see the top part of his chest , and my panties became wet . My body had craved him last night . I missed his touch . His hair was a in its usual untamed mess . His eyes were dark and hooded . I hated that look because it meant Edward was brooding . He kissed Di and Gigi on the forehead before plopping down in the chair across from me . " Hello , Edward . I missed you . " His eyes flickered my way for a moment before he went back to ignoring me . I was ashamed that he was treating me like I didn 't matter . Di saw my tears and spoke up on my behalf . " Edward , your girlfriend just said hello to you . I know dear Esme did not raise you to be such a rude man . " Marcus stood up to address Edward . " That 's enough ! You are being an asshole , young man . Bella has been nothing but kind and gracious . She spent the whole night tossing and turning worrying about you , and you 're treating her like a leper . If you 're going to be mad , be mad at me . Bella saved you and Alec 's life . You owe her your respect . " Edward snorted . " I don 't owe her a goddamned thing . She doesn 't belong here . She had her fun . Now either you put her on the fucking plane , or I will go over your head and do it my damn self . " Caius broke up the argument . " Edward go to your office and stay there . That is an order . I will not listen to you speak to your godfather or Bella in such a manner . Don 't leave until we give you permission . " Edward stood up and pointed at me . " I see she 's got you all under her little fucking fingers . By next week , she 'll be a memory , but I 'll still be here . Remember where your loyalty lies . " He exited the room , shooting daggers at me the whole way . " Excuse me . Marcus , Caius , do either of you mind if I go talk to Edward ? " They shared a worried look but both nodded their heads . Caius gave me directions to Edward 's office , because the villa was huge and it was easy to get lost When I got there , I saw Edward talking to a young woman . She was stroking his chest and whispering in his ear . He wasn 't trying to fight her off . I got angry and ran up to them . Edward pushed me into the office and then slammed the door . " Listen , Isabella , I 'm going to make this as simple as I can for you . We are fucking over . You are my ex - girlfriend . I can fuck any bitch I want because I don 't belong to you . Now get your ass back upstairs and start packing . You 're leaving in an hour . " " I 'm not going anywhere , Edward . Marcus said I can stay , so I 'm not leaving . We are not over . You love me and I love you . You are just trying to push me away because of the ambush , but it won 't work . You will not touch another woman while I 'm around . " He walked over to the bar to pour himself a drink . Then , he tilted his head and roared with laughter . When he calmed down , he spoke . " Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do ? ! You 're just some little bitch that was determined to pop her cherry . Sure , we shared some secrets and had some great times , but it 's over now . I don 't want you anymore . I 've had you in bed , and although you 're responsive , you lack the necessary skills to keep me interested . " It was my turn to succumb to laughter . " You have to do better than that Cullen . You enjoyed making love to me and you do want me . You love me . All your actions show it . " He gulped down the liquor and poured another . " I did enjoy fucking you , but I 'm bored now . You 're not going to learn any new tricks and I don 't have the time to teach you . Besides , you 're not my type . Sometimes a man just wants to get a piece of the strange ; you know , different ass . Normally , I like huge breasts and narrow hips . Your tits aren 't big enough to feed the shitmakers you supposedly want , your hips and ass should have their own zip code , and you 're a shrimp . Sorry , but if I ever have kids , I don 't want them to be freaks of nature . " I could only stand there , gawking at him . " You … you … love my body . Your hands spend more time on my hips and ass than mine do . I am the same height as the average woman . When we have children , I guarantee you they will be well fed , that is if I can pry your mouth off my nipples . Our children will be beautiful . Sure I may not be model material , but I know you find me attractive . " He smirked . " That woman you just met has sucked me dry in every way possible . After I get your stubborn ass on the plane , I am going to fuck her right on top of this desk . Oh , and by the way , you 're fired . I 'll pay the rest of your contract , and you can keep everything I bought for you . I can place you at one of my friend 's companies . Try to keep your fucking legs closed this time , because screwing your boss is slutty . " I walked over to the bar and poured myself a drink . The vodka burned going down , but I needed it to keep my resolve . I didn 't believe any of the shit Edward had just told me . He was purposely trying to make me leave him , and I wasn 't going to give him the satisfaction . My eyes never left Edward 's as I drank the Stoli . When I was done , I licked the rim of the glass . Edward squirmed and lowered his eyes . He looked up when I started walking over to him . I put a little extra sway in my hips . They drew his eyes like a magnet . I could see his erection straining through his pants . " Who are you calling a slut ? The last time I checked , you were the one who had banged everything with a vagina . I , on the other hand , have only slept with one man , and that 's you . That girl may have pleasured you , but I owned you - - I still do . I am not getting on an airplane , and I am not leaving my job . I never plan to ' screw ' anyone else but you . You 're the only one that ever managed to pry my legs open . You 're stuck with me . Deal with that , Mr . Cullen . " I was feeling good for standing up to Edward without using physical violence . That was until he called me a ' cunt , ' and I lunged for him . We both crashed to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs . We wrestled around , both trying to subdue the other . I was so angry that I was going for Edward 's eyes . He was trying to pin my arms . " You want to play with the grown ups , then I 'm going to treat you like one . Turn the fuck around ! " I did what he said . His hands roamed over my ass . " You like punishment , don 't you , Isabella ? " I didn 't answer . He slapped me on the butt . " Mmm , that feels good , Edward . " He cursed and hit me again and again . After awhile , I was meeting his hand because it felt amazing . He wasn 't hurting me at all . Edward 's hands always sent a jolt of electricity through my body . He trailed his fingers down my side . Then he shocked me by tearing my capris and underwear off in one swoop . I looked down to see them in tatters . " Edward those were new . You 're going to replace them . " I heard him snort . I lost all thought after that , because he started smacking my butt again . I pushed back to give him better access . " Shit . If you insist on being a whore , I 'm going to fuck you like a whore . After this , we won 't ever see each other again , so you better enjoy it . I doubt you 'll ever meet another fucker who 's going to pound you like I do . Enjoy , Ms . Swan . " I called him a bastard , and he smacked me again . Then , I heard him unzip his pants . He reached in front to play with my clit . I was so aroused that I came all over his fingers at once . He smacked me . " Did I tell you to fucking speak ? Shut the fuck up ! " His hands snaked around and he began playing with my nipples . I pressed my breasts into his hands . His tongue licked my ear , causing the most amazing sensations . I reached around to touch him . " Keep your fucking fingers on the desk ! " I followed his orders while he squeezed my supposedly non existent breasts and pulling my hair . " Fuck ! You want it bad , don 't you , Swan . " I whimpered and nodded because I couldn 't talk . He stuck a finger in my dripping center and I screamed . He put his hand over my mouth . " Hold it down ! " I licked his hand until he dropped it . He put in two more fingers and I started riding them . " Bend over . I 'm going to fuck you within an inch of your life , Swan . You 'll be lucky if you can stand . " His threats didn 't scare me . Edward could be cruel , but he would never purposely hurt me . He entered me in one hard thrust . I cried out because it felt so good . He put his hand over my mouth again while grunting in my ear . I felt him lean down to kiss my neck . I became even wetter and pushed my hips back to meet his thrusts . We were going at it like animals , both of us were making a lot of noise . I couldn 't stop the sounds that bubbled out of my mouth . Edward was saying ' fuck ' over and over again as he pounded into me . The heavy desk was moving slightly from the force . His fingers twisted and pulled my hair . I felt that familiar coil and knew that I was coming . My muscles tensed up before my body exploded . I gripped the desk and screamed Edward 's name . He licked my neck and continued his thrusting . His movements were more frenzied now , and his breathing was irregular . He lifted me up a little so he could knead my breasts . I came again biting down on the wood . I wanted to touch him , but he wouldn 't let me move . Edward relentlessly hit my good spot as if his manhood was made for me . He was very large and filled me up to the brim . I loved the way he stretched my walls . I pushed back into him one last time and he shot his load . I began orgasming over and over again . He wrapped his arms around my body as we shuddered together . Then , he laid on my back for a while until he could catch his breath . Minutes later , h lifted me up and turned me around . His eyes weren 't hooded anymore . He was my Edward again . He wrapped his arms around me and we kissed until I felt dizzy . I sucked his tongue into my mouth and bit lightly , making him groan . We broke apart to sit down on the couch . . " I 'm sorry , babydoll . You know I didn 't mean any of that shit I said . I was trying to make you hate me so you 'd leave . Are you okay ? Was I too rough ? " I kissed his sweaty jaw . " You 're forgiven . I knew what you were up to . I 'm fine , and I like it rough . " His eyes bugged out of his head as I smiled . " You 're stuck with my tiny breasts and huge ass for life . " He bowed his head . " Fuck , babydoll . I told you we didn 't do anything that night . The only woman I want to fuck in my office is you . " He bit down on the underside of my breast and sighed . " How is it that you always see through my bullshit ? I fucking love you , Bella . " I ran my fingers through his hair . " I have a good bullshit detector . I love you too , Edward , even though you are a pain in my huge ass . " Edward lay down and pulled me on top of him . He hugged me hard . " I was so scared that you were going to be hurt . I never wanted my shit to interfere with your life . I want to thank you for staying with me and saving my life . Alec is out of surgery and should be fine too . That guy you cornered and handcuffed was questioned , but he didn 't know anything useful . He 's just a fucking patsy . I can 't believe you used our sex cuffs to tie him down . The guys thought that was fucking hilarious . You 're a goddamned heroine , Swan . " I kissed his shoulder . " I 'm not . You give me courage , Edward . I couldn 't leave you behind . I love you . I am sad to lose our cuffs , though . We had some good memories with those things . " The thought of Edward and me having sexy play - time bondage made me as horny as a gerbil . I shimmied up so that I could reach his mouth . We touched and kissed for a long time . The tears over what happened came and went . When they were gone , we still had our love . I reached down and started playing with Edward 's big boy . He was already hard again , so I used my hand to guide him to my center . He had been dozing , but I got his full attention with that move . I put both hands on his chest and began riding him . I went down on him hard , taking in the whole length . His erection was hitting all the right places . I screamed his name as I came again . I continued to ride him , taking time to lean down and kiss his lips . I didn 't stop there , though . I kissed his eyes , his ears , his nose , every piece of skin I could reach . He snarled when I sucked in his earlobe . " Fuck . Forget the guns and shit . You 're going to be the death of me . " I smiled and rode him harder . He reached up and started playing with my clit . I put both hands on his thigh and changed the angle . I was impaled on him . When I cupped his balls , he spewed . The feel of Edward 's hot cum hitting my walls triggered my orgasm . I collapsed on top of him . Our hearts were beating out of our chests . I looked down at Edward and then I started giggling . He looked like a large satisfied lion . His bronze hair was everywhere and his eyes were lit up like a streetlight . He tried to shush me but that only made me laugh harder . " Well , you can hear her giggling like a goddamned fool , so I guess she 's okay . We 're fine , Marcus . We made up . Please send one of the maids to bring us both a robe down . " When I looked up , Edward was staring at me intently . " You 're a strange woman , Bella . You almost got killed the other day , and it doesn 't even faze you . " I laid my hand on his cheek . " Edward , you can die at any time anywhere . Life is too short to have regrets . I love you , and I would rather spend one minute with you than a lifetime without you . " I just licked my lips and smiled . Edward groaned and went over to open the door and retrieve our robes . We had no problem with nudity around each other , but I didn 't think his godfathers would appreciate us walking around naked all the time . He helped me into my robe before we exited . I thought you might need this after your session . Bella , I told you it would all work out . See you later , darling . Oh , and Edward : upset her again and I will come after you . My cheeks were blazing with the realization that they had indeed heard us . Edward read the note and smirked . He pulled me down in his lap and we took turns feeding each other . After awhile , we were full and happy , but I had questions . I was tired of being in the dark . His fingers caressed my forearm . " We don 't know . It wasn 't the Russians because they have their own fuckery going on right now . I can 't believe that motherfucker James took his father 's place . There is no way in hell I would ever work with him . My friend Liam is investigating from his end . Most of the Italians are loyal to us and are appalled at the attack . If we can be infiltrated , they fear for their own safety . We 're going to stay here until it 's safe for us to return to America . I love you , babydoll , and I promise to keep you safe . " He sighed . I could tell that this had been weighing on him too . " Can you really ever trust anyone besides yourself ? I would like to think that everyone is loyal to us , but people can be corrupted . " He closed his eyes . " I know that , Bella . I trust you , too . I wouldn 't want you to die for me , though , because I can 't live without you . I love you . " " Ouch ! Fuck ! What did you do that for ? " For an answer , I punched him in the stomach . He bent over in pain . He was looking at me like I was demented . We engaged in some very sordid water sex , which involved me being pounded against a tile wall . I was sure that my back was painted with bruises , but it felt too good to stop . Eventually , we managed to get out of the tub . I put on one of Edward 's t - shirts and he put on his boxers . I set my alarm for six in the morning so that I could go the vineyard . Edward declined , saying he hated manual labor . I asked him if he was planning to keep his appointment with the girl that was trying to molest him earlier . He smacked my rear and told me to shut up . He smirked . " Well , neither Jasper nor Alice told you either , so if you punish me , you have to do the same for them . Honestly , I didn 't tell you because I 've known him so long that I don 't notice it . I 'm sorry for keeping it from you . If it makes you feel any better , I can already tell you 've won him over with your extreme nerd skills . " I pulled Edward 's hair hard and kissed his forehead . " I love you , " we both said at the same time . We fell asleep spooning each other . All night I had erotic dreams about Edward . Some of them must have been real ; because when I woke up , my shirt was bunched up to my neck and my panties were curiously missing . There was also sticky wetness on my thighs . I glanced over at Edward . He had a small smile on his lips and his hand was on his abdomen . The sheet was pushed down to his stomach , so I raised it and looked down . He was gloriously naked . I thought about waking him up with a blowjob but decided against it . Sighing , I grabbed my water off of the nightstand . Then , I leaned over and poured it on the sheet near Edward 's privates . I snickered . That would teach him to have fun when I was sleeping . I stood up and went to the bathroom to get dressed . I chose a pair of short blue jean shorts and a red t - shirt , which I tied at the waist , leaving my stomach on display . My hair was everywhere , so I just pulled it into a messy ponytail . When I got downstairs , Di and Gigi were waiting . We all took a breakfast pastry and coffee to go . The vineyards were wonderful . There was fertile land as far as the eye could see . It felt good to put my hands in the cool Earth . The workers were really nice . A lot of them brought their kids out to work or keep them company . I braided a little girls ' hair during our break . Di was extremely well liked and everyone treated her with respect . She told me funny stories about Edward when he was little . Gigi was less talkative , but she was still friendly . The day went by quickly and before I knew it , it was almost time for dinner . A woman next to me took off her handkerchief and asked if I could give it to her husband . I said yes and headed in the direction she pointed . Before I got there , I saw Gigi and some man standing off to the corner . They were in a heated discussion , but it was in Italian so I couldn 't understand what was being said . Neither one of them noticed me , so I continued on to the worker 's husband . He thanked me and asked me to give his wife his thanks . I worked for another hour and a half before Di made me go in . Gigi had quit a while ago because she had a headache . It seemed Edward had been driving the vineyard foreman nuts by trying to come in to see me . Di had instructed the man to keep him away as a little payback for the way he treated me earlier . I laughed because he was going to be so pissed , which meant dirty , sweaty make up sex . I swear I could feel my clit flex in anticipation . The moment we got through the door , Edward wrapped his arms around me . His long fingers stoked my bare stomach , making me moan . He kissed me passionately until Di cleared her throat . He gave her a sheepish , ' sorry , ' but didn 't stop kissing and stroking my neck . She just laughed and ruffled his hair . " It 's good to see you in love , bambino . It suits you . " He gave me one of his adoring gazes which left me breathless . I couldn 't resist . " Di , remember that story you told me about Edward wetting his bed when he was five . " She nodded . " Well , I 'm afraid he still has that problem . " I laughed . " I 'm just kidding , you guys . Edward , I poured water on you when you were asleep . That will teach you to play with me when I 'm trying to rest . " His eyes got dark . I knew what was coming so I ran for the stairs . Edward caught me and lifted me over his shoulder . " You little devil . I was worried all fucking day that I might have kidney problems . You will make it up to me . " I giggled and let him carry me the rest of the way . We spent one of the best hours of my life engaging in Jacuzzi bathtub sex . Edward grilled me about my day in the field . He wanted to know if any guys had touched or talked to me . He told me that he had paid a few to watch me but had to make sure . I was angry that he put spies on me so I slapped him . He just smirked and kissed my hand . Caveward also chastised me for wearing a ' skimpy ass ' outfit in public without him . I rolled my eyes as he droned on about how I belonged to him and he didn 't want some guy ' eye - fucking ' me . I wasn 't even sure what that meant , but I didn 't ask . When he started complaining about me showing my bellybutton , I pulled his hair . That led to some intimate touching , a quiet Edward , and a very happy Bella . He dressed and went downstairs first , because he had to talk to Marcus . I put on a pretty golden sundress and piled my hair on top of my head . I added shoes and my birthday necklace before leaving the room . I was curious about the villa , so I decided to explore a little bit . All the rooms were magnificently furnished . A room on the second floor caught my attention . The door was partially opened and I could see a shelf of books ; it was a library . I was just about to step in when I heard Gianna . For some reason , she was crying . " I wished it could have been different Cai , but you Volturi took him away from me . They will all pay . It will all be mine , just as it should be . " I didn 't hear Caius answer . There had to be a reason that he wasn 't replying . Who was she talking about ? Was she going to kill every member of the Organization , including my Edward ? I was starting to panic . I opened the door wider to get a better look . Inside Caius was lying unconscious on the floor . Gigi was poking him with her stiletto . There was a plate of food on the table in front of him . I deduced that she had poisoned it . I must have been breathing heavily because she looked up . Our eyes met . Hers were crazed and angry . I 'm sure mine looked fearful . I turned to run , but even in high heels , Gianna was faster . I tripped on the carpet and she caught me . She stood over my quivering body . " Bella , I really wished you hadn 't seen that . I really liked you . I was going to make your death painless , but now it 's too late . You 've seen too much . " She had a small handgun pointed at my head . I watched her pull a vial out of her breast . " Drink this . It will take about ten minutes to kill you . " I stared at her in horror . " It makes it look like you had a heart attack . Your precious Edward will suffer , but then I 'll off him , too . His death will be more painful than yours so consider yourself lucky . " After that , everything happened in slow motion . Gianna turned around , and I saw blood everywhere . There was a massive hole in her head when she fell to the ground . Her beautiful face was etched in terror and surprise . He smiled at me before he collapsed . I heard what sounded like a herd of bulls running up the stairs . When I looked over , Edward was kneeling at my side . He had his gun in his hand . JennJanuary 12 , 2011 at 7 : 51 AMIf Edward doesn 't wreck his own happiness with Bella it will be a miracle . She 's a freaking saint for understanding him and putting up with his bullshit . I knew something was up with Gigi when she was talking with the guy at the vineyard . I 'm willing to bet she is the insider they 've all been trying to find . ReplyDeletekenzersmomFebruary 4 , 2011 at 12 : 07 AMok i love your bella at first i thought she was just stupid to give into him and not listen to what he said . . but she knows how he can be such a dickhead and sees right through him ! ! i love that she just takes his shit and rubs it right back at him ! ! she is way way cool . . and i am glad she brings up the crap he said to her too to make him feel bad . he way deserves that ! ! ! he is f - ing hot though ! ! ! so i would fight for him too ! ! ! ReplyDeleteMary SmithSeptember 13 , 2013 at 6 : 30 PMI love this Bella . She is fierce and intelligent , and gives as good as she gets . I love that she punched Edward in the stomach for calling jar a cunt . It 's good she saw through his bullshit attempt to keep her safe . I hope they can save Caius ! ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . |
Mara hated how her breathing sounded inside the spacesuit . Her helmet amplified everything - the slow draw of the inhale , with that ever - so - faint squeak at the end . A leftover from the asthma she 'd had as a child . The exhale that whooshed out and echoed in her ears , a hollow , close sound that made her feel like she 'd been buried alive . It would have been worse if the visor had fogged up , but the thermal plastic kept that from happening . A small blessing . With her own hollow breath in her ears , she turned on her helmet camera and keyed in the override for the airlock . The interior of the derelict ship wasn 't what she 'd expected . Darkness , dust , broken things - that was what every fiction she 'd seen since childhood had prepared her for . It was a well - worn plot , after all : distress call , motionless ship , no answer . Followed by a throwaway character going in to explore and being devoured by something the filmmakers could barely afford to pay for . She gave herself a light push off the wall and drifted through the hatch . " All looks good , Marco , " she said . " The lights are on . " She checked the readout on her helmet display . " Atmosphere seems intact . " She reached out to the wall and let the ridged fingertips of her gloves drag her to a halt . " Gravity 's off , but otherwise … " " Hold , " he said . A few loud breaths later , he was back . " Huh , " he said . " Looks like a Hermes - class , small diplomatic vessel . Uploading schematics now . " An orange icon blinked into life on her helmet screen , in the lower left . Mara held her gaze on it , and a detailed 3 - D map of the ship blossomed before her eyes . " Not a thing , " Marco said . " And you 'd think that might be the kind of information that 'd be useful . But it was just a distress call , and nothing else . Automated , sent out to Any and All . " " Nope . If I can get the ship 's ID code , Ken might able to dig something up . He said he did a database backup at our last station visit . Try the bridge , see what you can find . " " Gotcha . " She glanced around the schematic until she found the bridge - three decks up and at the farthest point from where she was now . " Marco . Grab my helmet feed . Tell me if I 'm missing anything . " There was a lift about ten meters down the corridor . She thought about it , and then called up the schematics again to look for an access vent . Someplace where she would be slightly less trapped . She pulled a vent cover off and stuck her head inside . It would be close , but she could fit . The trip along the vent was short and uneventful . She braced her back against the wall and pushed with her feet , popping the vent cover off and sending it bouncing off the opposite wall . When she looked out into the corridor , the first thing she did was curse . Loudly and well . Everything was most certainly not okay . The walls were covered with old , dried blood . There were splashes on the floor and ceiling alike , bloody handprints , and long , smeared drag marks . It was all a dark , iron brown , and there were tiny flecks of dried blood floating in the air like motes of dust in an abandoned house . Mara was pretty sure she knew what happened . She figured Marco knew too , but the question still had to be asked . " Looks like we 're gonna have to find out , " she said . The blood trail led off to her right , which the schematics said was in the direction of the bridge . " I 'll follow this , " she said . She pulled herself out of the access vent and started floating along the corridor , following the blood . There was a head resting where the floor and wall met , and it was facing away from her . It was a small blessing , but the rest of the corridor looked like a slaughterhouse . The blood was now mixed with what was unmistakably flesh , and it caked the walls where it wasn 't floating through the air . " Marco , " she said . " How many people does a Hermes usually carry ? " There as a pause . When he spoke , Marco 's voice was quiet and hoarse . " Around fifty , " he said . " Maybe more , depending on the mission . " She checked the map . The bridge was just up the corridor , but she really , really didn 't want to find it . Whoever - and she couldn 't stop amending that to Whatever - had either come from or gone to the bridge . In a ship this size , there were plenty of places to hide , but everything pointed to Mara walking into a horror house . The bridge door was covered with bloody handprints . Mara took a deep breath and thought about how lucky she was that she couldn 't smell anything . Her stomach lurched anyway , and she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes . The suit had ways of handling puke in the helmet , but it was still horrible , and she 'd never live it down . Except for the floating naked corpse in the middle of the bridge , it all looked perfectly normal . the man was thin and very clearly dead . His throat had been cut , and he was hovering in a thick cloud of dried blood . The main screen was dark , as we 're most of the other consoles on the bridge . Mara moved from point to point , trying to get an idea of who this ship was . The living room of the Browning house smelled of lilies and expensive wood polish . It was small , and looked smaller with the crowd that had been assembled inside . Detective Branden Horne wanted to smoke a cigarette , but dared not . The wrath of Mrs . Browning would overpower her need to know who killed her husband , which was the reason all these people were assembled . On top of that , he knew that he would have far too much to answer for before the afternoon was over as it was . The five other people in the room were the most likely suspects for the murder of Christopher Browning . Elton , his son , looked like his father in miniature - tall and pallid , as though someone had taken a normal young man and stretched him out with a roller . His liquid brown eyes always seemed to be on the verge of tears , and he looked down at his over - large feet in despair . His sister , Trudi , was almost his opposite . She was short and heavy and outgoing , and wore colors so vivid that they hurt to look at . Even during the investigation of her father 's death , Trudi had been relentlessly cheerful , which was enough to increase suspicion in Branden 's eyes . Curtis Hancock had been the hardest to convince to come to this meeting . He lurked in a back corner of the room and scowled , except when his eyes lit on the widow Browning . When he saw her , his ruddy face softened and he looked nearly like the person he 'd been before she decided to marry the richest man in town . If the crowd could have taken a vote on who the murderer was , Curtis would 've been hanging before the sun went down . Addie Horton was standing next to Mrs . Browning , with a cup of tea in one hand and the other on the shoulder of her grieving best friend . She had brought over one of her hand - made prayer shawls - " A prayer in every stitch , " she 'd said when she put it around Mrs . Browning 's slumped shoulders . Addie wore the role of best friend well , and it made Branden wonder how much she really knew . Finally , Celinda Browning herself . She had been older than her husband when they married - he was a millionaire at forty - five , and she was a divorced schoolteacher in her fifties . But they had fallen in love and retreated out to his favorite country house . There she taught some local homeschool children while he indulged in his artistic hobbies . They lived a life that seemed idyllic to anyone looking in , and as far as anyone knew they were perfectly happy . Five days ago , Christopher Browning had been found dead in his workshop , bludgeoned to death by one of his own hand - made scrap metal sculptures . His wife hadn 't seen him since the day before and wanted to check up on him , but she couldn 't even enter the workshop due to the overpowering smell of solvents and acids that he used in his work . She called the police , who sent in a HAZMAT team to retrieve the body and make the crime scene accessible . When they brought out his body and gently removed the ventilation hood from his head , Celinda had to be held back by three officers so that she couldn 't embrace her husband and contaminate the body . " Thank you all for coming , " he said . " I 've always wanted to do one of these drawing - room reveals . " He chuckled , but no one else did . No one was even looking at him . He cleared his throat . " You all know what happened , " he said , " but I wanted to update you on what we 've found so far . " He took the investigation folder from his briefcase and flipped it open . " Christopher Browning was killed by repeated blows to the head with a large metal object . We think the killer was right - handed , but that 's not much to go on . The killer left no fingerprints and no DNA evidence that we could find . And the isolated nature of Mister Browning 's workshop means that there were no eyewitnesses . " He snapped the folder shut . Branden took a handkerchief from his jacket pocket , and a small plastic bottle from his briefcase . " There are lots of reasons why someone would want to kill Christopher Browning , " he said as he uncapped the bottle . The faint smell of eucalyptus blossomed in the air , and this finally got their attention . He dripped the pale blue liquid into his handkerchief . " Money , love , revenge - those are the reasons that people usually kill . " He capped the bottle and put it back in the briefcase . " Honestly , I don 't really care why one person kills another . All I care about is that the killer gets caught . " He put his hands behind his back and started to pace . " I talked to all of you , and really I think all of you had reasons to kill him . " They watched him as he walked back and forth , and he relished drawing out the moment . " As I said , there was very little solid evidence left behind , and I had a lot of work to do as far as investigations go . " He shrugged . " Most criminals are stupid . They make a mistake and leave something behind . " He stopped and looked at each of them in turn . " This killer did not . " He walked back to his briefcase and took out a small glass bottle , filled with a pale yellow liquid . " That doesn 't mean , however , that the killer didn 't make a mistake . " He uncapped the bottle and swiftly brought the handkerchief up to cover his mouth and nose . The room went mad . Celinda Browning doubled over and vomited onto her shoes , just moments before her daughter did the same . Elton groaned and held his stomach , his face reddening as he willed himself not to lose control , and Curtis was on his feet , waving his hand to try and clear the air around his head of the horrifying sulfurous stench that had erupted around them . Branden smiled under the handkerchief , even though his eyes were beginning to water . He 'd confiscated the stink bomb from his son weeks ago , and had been looking for a good chance to use it . The capstone of a murder investigation was as good a time as any . He put the cap back on the bottle and went around the living room to open the windows , gripping the handkerchief in his teeth . The smell would never really go away , but he figured that Mrs . Browning would have enough money to get it ripped out and cleaned . Knowing that his little stunt revealed her husband 's murderer would be some small comfort . When he turned back , the group was glaring at him , in between heaving breaths and groans . Elton had the collar of his shirt up over his nose , and Trudi was helping Addie guide Mrs . Browning to the sofa . After a moment , Branden lowered the handkerchief and blinked a few times at the lingering smell . " Mrs . Horton , " he said to Addie . " How are you feeling ? " " How am I feeling ? " she said over her shoulder . " That was an ugly stunt you pulled young man . Poor Cellie is already in enough distress ! " Her face went flat and she narrowed her eyes . " If you must know , " she said , " I was born with no sense of smell . " She sniffed , and Branden suppressed a smile . " It 's something I 've never been terribly thankful for , until now . " Branden nodded . " I thought so . " He put his handkerchief and the little bottle in his pocket . " When I visited you , you were doing laundry , right ? " Addie nodded . " I remember that , mainly because I was wondering what kind of detergent you used . The basket in your arms should have smelled like flowers or sunshine or something , but it actually had quite a whiff of metal oils and some of the other chemicals that the deceased used in his craft . Not a smell most people would want lingering among their clean clothes , I thought . So I did a little asking around . " Addie Horton had gone pale as Branden talked , and she looked around the room as though she was looking for someone to come to her rescue . All she saw , however , was anger and astonishment . She was starting to breathe more quickly , and Branden readied himself for anything . " You didn 't know what the workshop smelled like , Addie . You had no idea . " He took another step closer to her and she flinched . " You killed him . The smell stuck to your clothes and you brought it home . " Branden nodded . " You 're right - we can 't . But I only said that we had very little evidence . Not that we had none . " He smiled sheepishly . " The thing about fingerprints ? I lied . " Addie gasped . " Then all this … ? " She looked around the room , at the people who were pale and sick and furious . Mrs . Browning looked like she was ready to pass out again . " Why did you do this ? " Addie asked . " I needed to be sure , " Branden said . " And like I mentioned , I 've always wanted to do the drawing - room reveal . " He took his cell phone out from inside his jacket . " You want to come quietly ? " he asked as he flipped it open . " Or do I need to call in some back - up ? " The moment hung in the air , and Branden honestly wasn 't sure which way she would go . Finally , she just slumped and nodded . Branden dialed his phone . " It 's over , " he said . " Come on in . " He reached out and took her shoulder . " Cellie , " she said , turning in his grip . Mrs . Browning looked away from her . " Cellie , I 'm sorry . " She tried to reach out , but Branden pulled her away . " I can 't explain , but … I 'm so sorry . " She crumpled to the floor as she said the last words , and Branden caught her in his arms . He held her there , in silence , until the other officers came in , handcuffed her , and led her away . As my cast list grows , every now and then I 'll randomly choose two characters and see what happens when I put them together . Insofar as there is a canon to any of these stories , these are not canon . Or maybe they are . We 'll see . This week features Rachael Decker , the ill - fated Girl Next Door from day 9 , Reunion and Evelyn Pierce ( AKA Botanica , a former metahuman ) from story 36 , Interviews . Let 's watch and see what happens … Green hair isn 't something you can hide easily in high school . Evelyn Pierce certainly tried , but she found that trying to go from a deep , mossy green back to her normal blonde was asking for more than modern cosmetics could offer . The new tint ignored the bleach utterly , and she knew she wasn 't goth enough to pull off dyeing her hair black . So green it was . She got complaints from teachers , who called her parents , who said they had no idea what was going on . There was no history of green hair in the family , of course , and they were as concerned as anyone . Compared to what else was happening , though , green hair was the least of Evelyn 's problems . The real trouble started in biology class , as it so often does . The project was simple : clone a plant . Take a cutting , put it in some agar in a tube and try to cultivate cells from it . Each student pair did just that - plant , cutting , agar , incubate . Evelyn was paired with Rachael Decker , which made life easier . Rachael was a rarity in high school - someone who was incredibly popular , but at the same time genuinely nice . She didn 't care who you were , but rather treated everyone with basic human decency . No one knew how she managed . But if there was any better person to have to work with when your hair was turning green , Evelyn didn 't know her . All Rachael said when she saw it for the first time was , " Wow ! That looks nice ! " And that was it . From anyone else , Evelyn would have suspected sarcasm . But not Rachael Decker . Evelyn 's had exploded . It broke through its glass tube and sent blind tendrils all through the incubator , infiltrating other experiments and completely ruining half the class ' work . Mr . Peters , the bio teacher , was amused , if anything . " Looks like we have a success , " he said , carefully disentangling the thing from all the others . He handed it to Evelyn and Rachael . " What 're you going to name it ? " Rachael laughed , but Evelyn didn 't even hear him . She was too busy listening to the horrible thing she was holding in her hands as it screamed at her . It was … crying . Like a horrible , twisted baby . And no one seemed to notice . She dropped it and ran out of the bio lab . She went to the nurse , who called her parents , who took her home . As they drove , the whispering voice of that thing tickled her mind , and wherever she looked she felt like she was being watched . She missed school the next day , and the day after . She wouldn 't leave her room - going to the living room with her mother 's potted plants was painful enough , and when her father mowed the lawn she nearly went mad . The grass screamed at her . The begonias begged for their freedom . She couldn 't even take a shower - as scrupulous as her mother was about cleaning , there was still mold somewhere , and it spoke to her in a horrible black voice that made her teeth hurt . After a few days , her mother poked her head into the bedroom . " Evey , honey ? You have a visitor ? " Everything her mother said sounded like a question . It always had , and it always bugged Evelyn , but not now , The thought that Rachael could make everything better was stupid , she knew . Childish . No one could make things better , not ever . But it planted itself in her , and took hold . If she could talk to anyone , it would be Rachael . " I 'll … I 'll come down , " she said . She heard them as she walked down the stairs . Her mother was a big believer in houseplants and kept them all over the place . Every room had green , growing things in it and until this week Evelyn thought they were nice . That they added some life and some freshness to the house . Now she could hear their voices as they strained for sunlight , called for water and ached in the pots that were provided for them . They wanted to be outside , to have their roots in deep soil and to be able to feel the breeze , to host insects and to be wild again . All of that in a cacophony of noise in her head that was so very loud . By the time she was in the living room , she was whimpering , and didn 't even notice that Rachael was there . Rachael guided Evelyn over to the sofa , next to a sprawling philodendron on the side table that was singing , of all things . Singing ! Evelyn whimpered as she sat . Rachael sat next to her , her hand on Evelyn 's knee . There was a rubber plant on the other side of the sofa that was growling something Evelyn couldn 't make out . " I know what you 're going through , " Rachael said . Evelyn wanted to laugh , but that seemed like a very bad idea . What had Rachael gone through that was like this ? What had she had to endure ? The pitch of the plant noise ebbed for a moment , and she could sense a change in the room . An attention that wasn 't there before . A quiet , definite attention . " Sometimes , life just gets weird , y ' know ? " Rachael continued . " But I want you to know I 'm here if you need anything . " She leaned in . " Is it those guys from the swim team ? Because they 're just assholes , and you know it . " Evelyn shook her head again , but thinking of the laughter and the taunts she got when her hair changed just made it worse . She could feel something uncoiling inside her , something horrible and deadly . The plants had fallen utterly silent . Except for one of the spider plants hanging in the large bay window . It was laughing . " But in order for me to help you , I need to know what 's wrong . " Rachael tilted Evelyn 's face up to look her in the eyes , and she smiled . She had such a pretty smile . She had red hair that set off gold - brown eyes , and those eyes just looked so honest . So sincere . Evelyn heard her own voice in her head , cutting through the silence . You can tell her , she thought . She 'll believe you . Evelyn relaxed , and the thing inside her lashed out . The plants in the living room burst into life , their tendrils and leaves exploding outwards with a sound no human ear had ever heard before . Under that quiet roar was a louder one in her mind , a cry of freedom and rage . They had been given a horrible vitality that Evelyn knew was coming from her , flowing from her , but she couldn 't stop it . She didn 't know how it started , and stopping it was like trying to stop a river . " What the hell ? " Rachael stood up and started at the plants , then at Evelyn , who was rigid on the couch . " Evelyn , what 's - " She was cut off as the long stems of a large porthos plant whipped around her neck , cutting off her breathing . The long , grassy leaves of the spider plant whipped around , binding her hand and foot and lifting her , twisting and writing , off the floor . The great , stiff branches of a jade plant held her up , lifting her nearly to the ceiling . From the couch , Evelyn was helpless . She saw her friend in the air , wrapped in twisting , choking green , and she couldn 't speak , couldn 't move . She tried yelling in her head for the plants to stop , to let her friend down , but they couldn 't hear her - or wouldn 't . The mad chorus of voices surged , voicing primitive , needy thoughts . The room was filled with the sound of rustling leaves and the smell of steaming , living soil . The plants were happy , she realized . Happy for the first time in their lives . They were calling out - sun , water , soil - over and over again , like a chant , like a ritual - sun , water , soil - getting louder and louder and ignoring the screams in Evelyn 's head to stop , to put down her friend , to please just stop ! The plants went quiet . For a moment , Evelyn thought that maybe one of the branches had broken , that they had pushed too far , too fast . But she heard the plants and knew that wasn 't so . They were murmuring , whispering , quiet . The leaves and vines and tendrils , so alive and vicious just a moment ago , went limp , and Rachael 's body fell to the floor . There were cuts all over her arms and neck where the leaves and vines had sliced into her skin . Her head lolled on a broken neck and rested awkwardly on her shoulder . The woman who answered the door of the sprawling suburban mansion looked exhausted . In her early fifties probably , her hair was still dark , with only a hint of gray roots . She held onto one edge of the doorframe as though it was holding her up . " Yes ? " she said . " Not you , love , sorry . " The man on her front porch was small and slight , wearing an ill - fitting suit that wanted cleaning and a small , battered hat . His eyes never stopped moving , dashing from one place to another and only occasionally landing on the person he was talking to . " Andrew Baker who passed away in a car accident last week ? " The man standing on her front porch flinched as if someone had hit him . He turned around to glare behind him and said , " If you don 't knock that off … " He stopped in mid - sentence , glanced back at her and straightened up . " No , ma ' am , I 'm not from the insurance company . I 'm here on private business . Your husband 's business . " He paused , and in the pause his eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw . " All kinds of people have been trying to sell things to me , buy things from me , or generally try to take what is mine or what is left of my husband 's legacy . Which , I might add , isn 't a whole lot . " West flinched again , she she didn 't notice . " Between bereavement counselors , used - things buyers , and the lawyers , frankly I never want to let anyone else in this house again . So here 's the deal . " She ostentatiously looked at her watch , which sparkled in the sunlight . " You have one minute to explain why you 're here before I send your picture to the police . " West cleared his throat and took off his hat . " Your husband had a significant amount of money in a Caymans account that he wants you to have . First Cayman Bank , account number - " He paused for a moment . " 6284956292AFA . The password is - " He paused again . " Seriously ? " He shrugged , and said , " Lulubell1983 . " Mrs . Baker 's arm fell . Her mouth hung open and she stared at him for a full minute . Then , in a move that seemed beyond an older , exhausted widow she grabbed West by the lapels and dragged him into the house . She didn 't say anything until the door was locked and the window blinds were closed . " Kitchen , " she said as she walked away down the hall . West straightened his suit , smirked at something to his left , and followed her . West cocked an eyebrow . " Months ? I thought your husband died a week ago . " A breeze rustled the curtains in the window , but she paid it no mind . " I 've known about the account for months , " she said . " I was trying to get Andrew to tell me about it , one way or another . All I knew was that it 's more money than I 've ever seen , and that he wasn 't using a dime of it . But he died before he could tell me , and now here you come along . " She narrowed her eyes . " I don 't like what you 're implying , Mr . West , " she said . " Neither do I , love . " The refrigerator door popped open and a glass fell off the shelf . This got her attention , and she glanced around . When she looked back , West was standing , his hands clenched by his sides and his eyes closed . His voice , when he spoke , was strained . " Your husband … though … has other ideas . " His mouth shot open , and a glowing white mist spiraled out of it , wrapping itself around him and screaming as it went . The room started to rumble - cupboard doors blew open , vomiting out their contents . Drawers shot across the room , and the silverware danced across the linoleum . Knives flew through the air and slammed into the wall next to Mrs . Baker , causing her to shriek and fire a single shot into the ceiling . She screamed and tried to run , but the mist - figure of her husband wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back into the kitchen . The roiling fog smelled like scorched metal and rubber and burning oil and it clung to her skin . The doors slammed shut , the windows broke , and as it pulled her close the screaming in the room rose to a deafening pitch . " There were plenty of good reasons to kill me , " it said , and it almost sounded amused . " I thought you would have chosen a better one . " She flew out of his grip and was held up against a wall . The ghost rose on a spiraling column of stinking , glowing mist and pressed a hand to her forehead . " I was going to let you have that money , Lulubell , " it said . " It would have been enough to keep you in Oxycontin and pool boys for a long , long time . " It chuckled , and the laugh sounded like glass being crushed . " I figure I 'll just leave you with this instead . " The spirit withdrew its hand , and she dropped to the floor , twitching and mumbling . The figure of mist stared down at her , and then loosed itself , flowing across the floor in cold white waves . David West stood at the epicenter . He brushed off his suit and looked around the ruined kitchen before taking a good look at the woman on the floor . " Reliving the car crash ? Forever ? " He smirked . " Not very original , is it ? " He shrugged . " Hey , whatever makes you happy . " He started to step his way through the broken glass , battered metal and ruined furniture . He pulled the magnetized shopping list and pen off the refrigerator door . " What was that account number again ? " He paused and started writing down digits . " And it was ' lulubell1984 , ' right ? " He scratched out a number . " Three , right . " He folded the paper , put it in his pocket , and picked up the phone . An anonymous 911 call would do to get her put in the right mental hospital , and from what he had just seen , she 'd never remember him . He made his way outside , got back in his car , and started it up . " You got what you wanted , " he said . " And I 'm set for life . We good ? " He nodded , sat still for a moment , and then shuddered . Whistling softly , he pulled out of the driveway . The money was good , yes , but there would be more work . There always was . David West thought he should get busy enjoying himself before it turned up . A beautiful day in the park . The sun was blazing , singing far overhead , and the green of all the living things threatened to overwhelm me . The sky was of a blue that called to my soul , only occasionally broken by white fluffy clouds that scraped their way from horizon to horizon . My whole family was there . Cousins , uncles , aunts , second cousins , great - aunts . All of them . The way " grandmother " pinched my cheeks , just like the real one did , and asked me why I hadn 't met any pretty girls yet . " Mrs . Berger 's granddaughter is still single , you know . " Her voice creaked in just the right way , but it was the creak of old leather and unoiled hinges . Nice . She 's said that every time I 've visited for the last year . Only the real Maw - maw would say that . But this … thing wasn 't her . And cousin Jenny . The bastards got her too . She was wearing a dress . A critical miscalculation on their part . Jenny wouldn 't have worn a dress at gunpoint , not in a million years . I can 't believe they missed that detail . I didn 't know the technology had proceeded so far , making them so good , so close to the real thing . They might fool the rest of the world , but the rest of the world doesn 't see things the way I do . They don 't know what I know . " Little Eddie ! " I felt my arm grabbed by " uncle " Phil , and it pulled me close just like its predictive algorithms probably told it to . I never liked my uncle , but the thought of how they must have tortured him to extract this kind of information from his brain just turned my stomach . " How 's college , Eddie ? You still studying , what was it , horoscopes and things ? Like they got in the newspaper ? " " That 's astrology un - uncle Phil . That 's not science . " I pulled my arm away and tried not to look for the way light machine oil had probably stained the fabric of my jacket . " I study astronomy . Stars and planets . you know . " It laughed , and it sounded like a car 's clutch right before it burned out . " Right , right , telescopes and things , right . " It slapped me on the back . " Not a lot of money in that , kid . You should 've come to work with me in the hardware store . That 's good , steady work . " Huh . Right . A " hardware store . " That 's probably what had made uncle Phil a prime target - easy access to materials to rebuild themselves . And I know what would happen if I went to that thing 's " hardware store . " They 'd be sucking my brain dry and there 'd be a copy of me wandering around , looking for someone else to convert . " I need to get something to eat , Unnnncle , " I said . " See you later . " I ducked away and went back to the barbecue at the center of this facade , this elaborate trap . They all looked at me , their soulless glassy eyes following me as I moved towards the honeypot of human food they had brought to the park with them . the sun was still shining , and it hurt my eyes . The leaves were green . Kids were playing frisbee with a dog . A father was flying a kite with his son . I took a burger from the table . I wasn 't going to eat it - god knows what those things would have put in it - but I had to keep up appearances . I couldn 't let them know that I knew . To do that would just end everything . They 'd fall on me like wolves and tear me apart for the good of their " experiment " . The last time I had seen her was high school graduation , along with everyone else I had been friends with . I had a crush on her . Hell , probably all the boys had a crush on her , how could they not ? That dark , perfect skin , with red hair that should have been out of place but wasn 't . And she was so sweet , too . She stood up for me - all the " nerds " really . She was one of the only people to treat me like I was human . It came over to me , and I couldn 't hear the gears or the motors . Must have been a newer model . Its gold - brown eyes were just as beautiful as I remembered them - more , even . It touched my shoulder and I jumped , nearly knocking everything off the picnic table . My hand reached out to catch myself before I fell . " Eddie , I know family can be stressful , but this isn 't like you . " It smiled and raised an eyebrow ( ! ) as it did so . " No , I take it back - this is exactly like you . " Even her laugh . It was so like her , so damn close . Closer than any other model I 'd seen . It looked at me , and I hated her and I loved her all at once and this thing was here and she wasn 't and I hated myself for doing nothing . The screaming confused me , they 're not supposed to scream . I had finally exposed one of them , what did they have to scream about ? I had finally exposed myself - I should be the one screaming . And I was . And frankly , making their hydraulic fluid red was just a cruel joke . I hit her again , and I could hear the scrape of stainless steel against whatever it was their skeletons were made of . I managed to get in one more before they fell on me . Their game was up , their disguises unmasked . I howled as they tried to pull me away , and I tried to get as many as I could with the fork . I think I got " cousin Scott " in the eye and " Aunt Patti " in the leg . Maybe " cousin Evan " too . I would have gotten more , but they were strong . Of course they were strong , why wouldn 't they be ? It 's their natural - HA ! - advantage . They bore me to the ground and wrenched the fork from my hand . They were saying something , but it mystery have been in some kind of machine language , because I couldn 't understand a word of it . They had me pinned , and I yelled and I laughed and I cried as the siren of their murder machine grew closer and closer . I turned my head . One of them was attempting repairs on " Rachael . " I 'm sure she 'll be up and running again in no time . " Uncle Kevin " had his face in mine , shouting in that indecipherable language of theirs . I couldn 't understand , but I knew what it was . I declaration of victory . A promise of punishment yet to come . |
A powerful executive was in a hurry to get home . He has had a very long day at work , he couldn 't imagine a better place than to be in his mansion surrounded by all the luxiurious things he had . He hurried up and ran to his brand new sports car and started to drive home not even paying attention to the speed limit or the traffic around him . He only cared about one thing , himself , himself and himself . He wasn 't about to let anyone get in his way , all he wanted to do was get home and relax . He reached a residential area , there were kids nearby and to him it didn 't matter as he continued to cruise down the streets without a care in the world . Then suddently a huge rock came flying towards his front windshield . He panicked and stopped immediately as he saw cracks running in all directions across his brand new windshield . He was angry , very upset and ready to get out and beat up whatever little punk that did this . He was furious , this has ruined his day for sure . He couldn 't believe his sight as the cracks he saw were just sickening . He flung open his car and looked around , he couldn 't see anyone , but then he say a little boy standing on the curb looking at him with tears in his eyes . The man was angry and upset . He yelled at the boy saying " Did you do this ? Are you going to pay for what you did ? The little boy cried out " Mister ! Mister ! Please help me , my brother who is in a wheelchair fell down and I 'm not strong enough to get him up . Please help ! " The man turned and looked and saw the older brother who was laying on the ground , his mouth sunk down and he stared in shock . He couldn 't believe what he has just done . He felt such a heartbreaking feeling deep down inside so strong that it wouldn 't go away for a long time . He quickly hurried over and helped the older brother up and sat him down in his wheelchair . The young boy said " Thank You ! , Thank You ! I didn 't mean to throw the rock , but everyone else passed us by and I didn 't know what to do . " The man smiled and told the little boy that everything is going to be ok , he knePosted by So often we think that God 's plan will be what we are expecting . I recently thought that what was about to happen was part of his plan . Soon afterwords I realized that it wasn 't his plan . I started to think and realized that he had a different plan for me . I was a little bummed , but when I looked at the big picture I started to understand exactly where everything fit in . I sometimes can 't comprehend everything and how everything else ties into the thing that I wanted to happen . I have now realized that it is for the better that whatever I was wishing for will wait . I now know that once we get through our current situation things will work out for the better . We will be able to do what I was hoping for and then it will be even better than it is now . God is always there for us , sometimes the things that we are wishing for are not granted . We shouldn 't get discouraged or upset . We should still keep our trust in him and hold true to his word . Do not get angry and do not think that he isn 't with you . His plan is great and what he has plan will be better than the one we thought . It 's hard for us to understand sometimes exactly how it is better , but in the end when we look back on it , we truly understand how much greater it is . We are thankful for what the Lord has done . There are going to be many trials that we will go through in our lives , it is part of making us stronger . God tests us for a reason , do not loose hope if something that you were expecting doesn 't come true . Hold true to the belief that God will make things better . After all , he makes all things new and he will for you . Do not forget that . Also , remember that if God gets you to it , he will get you through it ! So if you 're having a bad day , stop and pray and let God help you through your day . You will look back when you are done with your day and realize what all he has done for you . Never loose hope , keep believing and trusting in God and the rest will come easy ! Fruit spoils easily , if we don 't eat it in time it will get bad . We are the same way , if we are without the Lord and we go about our daily lives , we will soon run into bad . It will consume us and bring us down , we will be tempted by everything and anything . If we give into those temptations , we will find our lives getting worse and worse . We can do anything through Christ , but without him we are bad . We can 't do things on our own , even if we tried we would fail in the most miserable way possible . The Lord is a very important part of our lives . We must continue to read the word and abide by his commandments . We will not turn bad , like the fruit with Jesus we will be fresh and full of life . The Lord will show each and everyone of us what our true potential can be if we just walk with him everyday . So many think it is just too hard to follow the Lord . They believe that they won 't have the time or energy to do it . What they don 't realize , is that they are giving into doubt , giving into every negative feeling that comes from the devil . Sure we are going to have our good days and bad days , but with the Lord we will make it through it . Even my days aren 't always as great , but I reach out to the Lord and ask him to help me through any struggles that might come my way . Never give up on the lord and NEVER tell yourself you don 't have time . You do ! Make time and see the glory that the Lord can reveal in your life . What little time you put into being with the Lord , will reap a great reward ! A young man and his wife were so excited about getting married , they had planned their honeymoon for Breckenridge , Colorado . They knew that everything was going to be fun , but was it really ? Soon they arrived in Breckenridge . The hotel that they saw on the internet was a total dump . They realized then , that they will never trust any more pictures on the Internet . The bed was as hard as a rock , there was very little room in the bathroom . The toilet was close enough to the wall where you would bump your head if you got up the wrong way . It was terrible , to say the least . How could it get any worse than this , he thought . They had already been together for a long time . They spent nearly five years dating each other and getting to know one another . They knew each other inside that there was nothing to hide . Their 85 Blue Ford Tempo was a nice car , but what he failed to mention is that the shifter was about to go out . He didn 't think , even after driving all this way . He ignored the obvious and continued on without taking notice of the warning God was trying to tell him . Soon they decided to check out Loveland Pass , after a long drive towards the top which was very steep . The roads winded in all directions and it was a pretty site . They walked towards the lookout point and took plenty of pictures . As he walked back towards his car a couple decided to take their picture for them , he was very happy and accepted gladly . Upon entering the car and starting it up , something went wrong . It wouldn 't shift , it was too late now . The shifter was broken and they were at least 10 , 000 feet above sea level . He knew he was in trouble at this point in time , he started to get very upset . Both him and his wife were almost in tears because their car was broken down and their honeymoon that they both thought would be awesome , was turning out to be not so great . They didn 't know how they were going to get down , none of them had a cell phone on them on them . What were they going to do , his wife was already in tears and he felt so bad . This was nPosted by So many people do not believe that the future can be anything they want it to be . So many try to visualize it , but can 't . There will be few that will not doubt that things could be great . They live to deny themselves greatness . If they shall only look and trust in the Lord , they will be surprized by the things that will come . A young man and his wife were trying so hard to have a baby . What he was trying to do was visualize the future and all he could see was nothing . He didn 't believe that anything could happen , he could only think about failure . What he was giving into was the negative feelings and thoughts that overwhelmed his mind . He in a sense was setting himself up for rejection . He was giving into his fears and worries that he believed so hard that it wouldn 't work . What he should of been doing was believing that it would happen . He should of been putting his entire trust in the Lord and not holding back . It was too hard for him to do that . He found out countless times in anything he was striving for only ended up in failure or dissappointment . As he started to listen to radio shows relating to the Bible he started to understand something very intersting . He was aware that if we don 't trust in God and give ourselves to the Lord fully that we will continue to see failure in our lives . It is by Christ that we can do all things , he knew that his life had to change and it had to be his way of thinking as well . He had to start looking at the future as being full of new and exciting things to come . The Lord revealed to him many new things that would change his life , he wouldn 't understand it all at once . When he looked back he saw exactly what God 's plan had been . He saw that God had showed him that he had Diabetees , he also realized that through the new medicine he was taking would change his body . An idea of having Watermelon for lunch to help loose weight was doing something for his body that he didn 't realize until he saw an e - mail about fruits . That too tied into God 's plan , he soon found out that the WatermeloPosted by We are born into this world , but are we sinless , are we free of that sin at the very moment we are born ? I read something very interesting that made sense to me . When we are born , we are born in to a sinful world . We at that very moment are neither good or evil . We just are too little to comprehend everything . The things around us are new and exciting . It is the temptations that surround us and compel us to do wrong . So are we really bad in the eyes of Jesus ? No , we do the actions that the devil wants us to do , we are the weak and the fallen . It is not us that are bad , it is the things that we do which ultimately determine our fate . A adulter , a rapist , a murder are all bad , but it isn 't the person that makes them bad , it is the actions . If anyone of them were to find Jesus today in their lives and repent , they would be cleansed of their sins . Jesus doesn 't hold any sin against us , if we come to him and repent he will wipe away everything that we are holding onto . Those that think they have done too much wrong and that they won 't be forgiven are mistaken . Jesus forgives every sin and no sin is too big for him not to forgive . So don 't hold back , if you feel that you can 't go on . Stop and kneel before him and pray , call out to him and ask him to come into your life . Ask him to take away all your pain and soon you will feel the burdens that you carry lifted onto his shoulders . Jacob and his son decided it would be a great weekend to go out on the seas and try and catch some fish . The weather was awesome , there was not a cloud in the sky . Things were looking up and they hoped to catch lots of fish . His son Matt decided it would be a great idea to bring along one of his friends . He invited his great friend Joe . The boat was ready to sail , the nets were all ready and they had plenty of room for a big load . As they departed into the quiet waters , things started to get interesting . What they thought was a cloudless day started to change , clouds began to appear out of no where and soon increased in size . The waters were still calm , but it wouldn 't before long and things would get really dangerous if they stayed out . Matt 's friend thought that maybe the storm would bring in lots of fish , but was his friend really right ? The waves started to splash against the sides of the boat , the clouds all around were turning very dark . The three of them started to hold on as the boat started to rock from side to side . The waters were getting very fierce as things got intersting . They tried to hold on for their lives as the waves splashed over the boat , filling it up quickly . Jacob and his son were started to worry and they didn 't know what to do . As the winds started to increase and as the boat was whipped around , Jacob called out to the Lord . He said " Where are you Lord ? , Don 't let me die at a time like this , will you send your angels to protect us . Hear us oh Lord , do not forget us ! " The waters started to calm down , the heavy rains stopped and something awesome just started to happen . The clouds started to seperate and in the middle of the sky appeared several rays of sunshine as they peaked through the clouds . They witnessed something miraculous before their very eyes . They stood there motionless as they all looked up . A great lightning bolt struck down on all sides of the boat , but it wasn 't hurting them . Thousands upon thousands of fish started to flop up and down in the waters . The three men grabbed thePosted by Throughout my life I have endured many different kinds of trials and temptations . Some of them have been harder to deal with . One such event happened years and years ago . I was living at home and I came home one day from picking my girlfiend up at the time , who now is my wife of 10 years . I saw my mom 's brother talking on the phone , my dad was not where to be found and I knew right away what had happened . I thought as my heart sunk to the ground , " Oh No ! " I started to feel the sadness creeping up inside me , stronger than ever before . I knew something terrible had happened and this was not the thing that I had envisioned . My mom 's brother told me that she was at the hospital with my dad . He said , " You 're mom has had a heart attack , and your dad is with her . " Tears started to flow down my face , I was terrified almost more than it would be if I saw a spider . I was so upset , I just wanted her to be ok . I don 't know how many times I prayed to the Lord that night , but it must of been a thousand . My girlfriend at the time tried to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be ok . I started to doubt God and I thought the worse , that she 's going to die and that I 'll never get to see her again . I wanted to see her so bad , we drove right away and headed towards the hospital . We hurried in quickly and went towards the waiting room . I saw my family there , I could tell that they were worried as the looks on their faces did not look good . That didn 't make things easier for me , it made it worse . I don 't know what kind of heart attack she had , but I remember it wasn 't a good one . She had to have a bypass surgery and I remember walking into the emergency room before as they were monitoring her . I could see the tears in her eyes , I knew the pain was deep inside me and I could tell my father was not doing so well . I continued to pray and pray . I 'm sure that the prayer hotline in Heaven was going bezerk from all the prayers that I was sending . I talked to my mom and told her that everything is going to be ok . I couldn 't stay lPosted by What we see and what we don 't see are two different things . In another place , outside of time there is a war that has been going on since the beginning of time . All around us there are angels , both good and bad battling it out for your survival . Everytime you sin , the presence of the dark angels are all around you . The good angels fight the good fight to wipe out those bad angels . One such battle goes on right now in a man 's living room . He is sitting in front of the television deciding what to watch . He can 't make up his mind between turning the channel to a inspirational show , or to watch something that he knows he shouldn 't watch . He turns the television to the naughty channel and gives into his temptation . Before him and all around him in this time outside of time stands four to five great big dark angels , nearly 7 - 10 feet each . They are egging him on , they are saying all sorts of things such as " Go for it " , " Do it " , " It 's ok to watch it " , " no one will know " , and everything else you could possibly think of . The man starts to watch as the dark angels look on . Suddenly about ten great angels rush in from all directions and swing their swords in every direction . Metal clashes against metal , several of the bad angels fall . The man feels like he shouldbn 't be doing this . It is the destruction of the bad angels that leads him to feel guilty as he then turns the channel and starts to watch something better as he repents for his sins . This story is not true , but everyday there really are both good and bad angels all around us . It 's just that we can 't see them or hear them , but there is a battle going on . It probably has been going on since the beginning of time or since Lucifer ( Satan ) was cast out of Heaven by the ArcAngel Michael . The leader of the Seraphim , the highest order of Angels that there are . So when you feel tempted , speak out loud and call out for Jesus to send his angels to destroy those bad influences in your life . Ask him to come into your life and show you the things that you are missing . Do not be aPosted by I was sitting on my deck watching out over the fields and taking notice to all the creatures that moved about in the early morning . What I saw right in front of me was a small robin that landed on the deck . He sat there and looked at me , he tilted his head and started to sing . Soon after he started to sing , another one appeared and started to look at me curiously and he too started to sing beautiful music . Another one now showed up and began to sing . I couldn 't believe my eyes , this has never happened to me in my entire life . Yes I loved birds , but I never dreamed of such a thing happening to me . I sat back and listening to their tune , it was so amazing how it sounded . These little precious creatures were like little angels . They had wings , their music was awe inspiring and they were a great companion that morning . They started to speak in their own tongue , I couldn 't understand them , but I knew they were trying to communicate with me . I didn 't know what to say , I shrugged my shoulders looking back at them . Again they spoke , they tried to so hard as I heard them speaking several times as they talked back and forth to each other . Just then , one flew my way and it about freaked me out as it landed right on the table just inches away . It looked at me again and then walked right onto my arm . Now I was shocked , it was so cool . How is this possible I thought , no birds would ever dare to come this close to a human . Then something very strange started to happen , they started to disappear one after another . Those three little birds were gone and I couldn 't understand why . I started to think really hard and then remembered that these little birds must of been the three little baby birds that never made it in the Robins nest . What I wondered is what are they trying to say ? I told my wife about it later that night , and she started to confess something awesome to me . She said that she was late by at least 5 weeks . Soon we realized that she was pregnant again , but this time it wasn 't an In Vitro . It was on our own . I turned andPosted by The Word Angel refers to the heavenly being that exists in Heaven . They are not Human and can 't live a human life . However , some people say they have seen Angels , some have seen the great ArcAngels as described in the Bible . Not all Angels that people have seen appear with wings , some appear as normal people . However , the Angels I am talking about are the ones like you and me who can reach out and touch another . We may not have wings , we may not have the knowledge that the real angels have . What we do have is the conviction to reach out and touch another . We can be like Christ if we truly want to be , but so many fail only because they are afraid to be something they don 't think they can be . It is true that so many are afraid of what the other might say , but trust me . The minute you reach out and say Hello or God Bless You , you will feel an awesome feeling rushing throughout you . Maybe not all of you , but some will . You will feel good in the actions you do , the words you say and the person you say it to will probably feel better . Even if they are having a bad day it probably will cheer them up and they 'll remember you . Even if you are not sure how to say it , just talk to the Lord and ask him for his advice . You will be surprized what he will do in your lives . It may not happen right away , but he will show himself to you in a certain way . You will know what he is talking about , just listen closely and you will hear his voice . It may be through the words that someone speaks , it could be through the radio . He will send his signs to you , just be sure not to overlook them and you will be astonished at what he has to show you . The Lord will continue to show you in your life what all you are capable of , don 't ever think you can 't do it . You can do anything through Christ . You just have to believe and listen closely to what he has to say . In all honesty I thought the same thing a few weeks ago before I started this whole blogging thing . I was trying to write in Microsoft Word and everything I started to write , I immediately Posted by It seems that everyday we rush through our lives not noticing what God has provided for us , only to ignore them and take them for granted . We see the birds , we see the trees and we see all of his creations , but do we even stop and think what all went into them . Do we stop and cherish them and thank him for them . One day I was driving along as most people do , I wasn 't paying attention to anything . I didn 't really see the trees as being a beautiful creation , I just saw them as trees . It was the same when I saw a bird or anything else , what I was missing was the fact that the Lord had created these things for us , to enjoy and to keep us company . I started to notice something as the Lord showed it to me . He was trying to say to me , look ! Do you see the things that it took to create that tree , do you not see the little birds that fly and sing joy . How can you miss these things , are you blind and deaf ? I realized that what God was trying to convey to me is that I should take notice and appreciate all that he has done for me . I was starting to forget how truly awesome his works were . I started to look at things now with a better appreciation for everything . For God had given us the ideas , the knowledge and the ability to create these things . We did not get these things on our own , we borrowed the ideas from God . So when you hear someone say " Look what I did " , remind them that it wasn 't them , but it was God 's idea . So many of us forget , it 's time to wake up and see what God has given to us and to thank him in return . I no longer go through life just looking at anything , to me I have a new outlook on everything . When I see the clouds , the land , the birds I know that God had his works in these and I appreciate all that he has done . It was a few years ago , shortly after my wife had become pregnant that we noticed two robins that built a nest right underneath our deck . My wife demanded that I take down the nest , because she didn 't want to see them anymore . I didn 't want to do that , I love birds and I wanted them to stay there . I didn 't want to disturb them . Day after day came as I watched the male robin going out to get food while the female waiting inside the nest . It was interesting to hear his call , the voice that uttered from that little beak of his . It was so much fun to watch them everyday and it brought great joy to my heart to know we had visitors . My wife asked me again several times , but each time I said no . I can 't take them away , I heard babies and I knew now was not the time to take them away . Throughout the summer I watched them on and off thanking the Lord for bringing us such nice visitors . Their company was welcomed greatly . The summer ended and soon they were gone , I didn 't see them anymore . I was sad , I enjoyed listening to their sweet music and hearing them talk to each other . It was if a part of me had been taken with them , but I knew a greater joy was on the way . A joy that I will never forget , the birth of our first child . Shortly afterwords I noticed that we had in our possesion two small ceramic robins that were painted so well . These used to be my grandma Betty 's and we acquired them . I thought to myself , was this a sign from God ? How cool was that to have two Robins like the two that visited us . Although , that was not the best to come . What I noticed while looking through the deck to see what was in the nest nearly shocked me . I remember during the In Vitro that only four embryos were put in . Three of them didn 't make it and we were happy with just the one that made it . When I looked through the deck I saw three little baby birds that were no longer alive . They must not of made it through the summer , either the parents couldn 't find enough food or something beyond my understanding happened . I immediately thought of the tPosted by It was time for me to go home and take out the dog , since mommy wasn 't going to be able to leave for a week , I had to do some of the runnings . As I was driving home with the radio going , I couldn 't help start to cry . I started to talk to the Lord and ask him why it was that our poor daughter had to go through this . I wondered why we had to deal with this , when we had enough troubles trying to bring a beautiful joy into our lives . I couldn 't stop the tears , no matter how hard I tried . They flowed like a river and I was feeling so down . I wanted her to be ok , I wanted her to not feel anymore pain and be the little girl we wanted her to be . I got home and let out the dog . I turned on the radio and started to let our dog run around for a while so that he wouldn 't feel like he had to be couped up all day long . I dropped to my knees , so sad and so crushed that I started balling . I know that most men don 't cry , but I couldn 't help it . I was so sad , I was also so worried that our daughter would not make it . I asked the Lord and pleaded with him that he please give us a chance . All I wanted was her to be ok , as any father would . I returned to the hospital after putting our dog into his cage . He started to bark as he didn 't want me to leave , but I couldn 't stay away for long because mommy needed my support . Things started to get better , the numbers started to drop , we were very happy . It was a great feeling to know that the lights were working , we wanted her to stay under the lights if it is helping . The doctor on call came in and told us that in a few days we probably would be able to leave . We were so happy , we couldn 't wait . Another day went by and our hopes were crushed as one of the nurses told us that the numbers have started to rise again . They were not sure what was going on , but it worried us so much . We held each other close and I felt the worse feeling deep down inside . I didn 't want her to die , I need her more than anything . If I lost her , I don 't know what I would do . It was hard , but several days passed and thingPosted by Our daughter was finally here , we were so excited and we couldn 't wait to hold her . I was holding her in my arms for the first time and it was a blessing . She was wrapped up in a small blanket , they had just cleaned her off and mommy wasn 't able to hold her . She was very disappointed , but they had to sew her back up after having to cut in order to fit the baby out . I was worried and I rocked this beautiful bundle of joy as I watched on , the nurses moving around and trying to stop the bleeding . They packed her with all kinds of stuff to stop the bleeding . Our daughter was a tough one to come out , but in the end it was well worth it . Because of the way she was situated her head was a little red , she had to wear a small hat . She was also Jaundice and that 's the biggest worry that we had . We knew right then that we wouldn 't be able to leave the hospital as we had planned . Mommy was really excited to leave the next day , but her hopes were crashed as we realized our daughter had Jaundice pretty bad . They took her away from us and told us that she needed to be under the lights in the nursery . Even when we did have her , all she wanted to do was sleep . It was heartbreaking for us . We both wanted to hold her and cherish her , the only times that they would bring her in was for feedings . That alone was hard enough because she wasn 't always awake . Whenever she did try , she would fall asleep right away again . Yes , it was frustrating and we wanted her to stay awake . We tried , but nothing seemed to work . The Jaundice was causing most of this , it was sad enough and for us this was a very hard time . The days passed , we were unable to see her as she had to be under these lights . We remember going into the nursery and looking at our miracle from God laying there with a patch over her eyes . We couldn 't help almost crying as we wanted to hold her so bad . I could tell that mommy was missing her so much . We went back to the room and mommy started to cry , she wanted to hold her so bad . This wasn 't fair and I could feel the pain deep down insPosted by The year was 1989 and I was almost done with my 8th grade . Most of my friends I would never see again because I was going to start going to a public school . We were ready to go on a field trip to a church camp . It was going to be lots of fun I thought to myself . I was ready to check it out , I loved anything and everything that had to do with the outdoors . We all loaded our stuff on the bus and started to drive towards the church camp . I remember arriving and thinking , this place looks like a bunch of fun . There was volleyball , hiking trails , and so much more . I knew that this weekend was going to be a blast . I just couldn 't wait to get out of the bus . A few of the teachers introduced us to the people and they seemed very cool . I found myself talking about the Lord with them and they told me so much that I had not even known about . They told me all the different kind of activites that we would be doing . We would be going on a nature hike , we would be looking at the stars at night , and so much more . After we all got settled into the several cabins they had , we were welcomed to all come to their main cabin to have a discussion about the Lord . We all sat around as one of the guys told us some very interesting things . I learned about The Book of Job ( Jobe ) for the first time in my life . It was very interesting how Job 's family was all destroyed . I remember hearing that the Devil made a pact with God that if he should loose all of his family he will curse God . Job continued to be obedient to the Lord , but not for long . Job finally lost it and started to curse God . I remember reading all the different things that he asked God . What was so awesome is what God said back to Job in return . After we had a long discussion we were to go on a walk , we didn 't bring any flashlights . What was neat is that they told us our eyes would adjust to the darkness . As we walked , it was easier to see where we were going . I thought to myself that everyday we walk in darkness , if we do not have the Lord we will miss our step and fall . I thoughtPosted by What is Faith ? Is it the feeling deep down inside us that makes everything feel great . Maybe it 's the way we look at others , how we care about them and wish the best for them . Faith to me is something more than just the feeling . It is so much more , it is a lifestyle for me . Everything that I am doing , everything that I am saying and every way I am living is based on Faith . Faith surrounds us all , it 's for us to take notice and grab ahold of it 's awesome power . Do you know that so many millions of people do not have faith . Do you know that they go through their entire day , their entire lives without knowing Faith ? Do you know that so many of them say the Lords name in vain as if it was another part of their vocabulary . I say to you , what is wrong with these people who do such things ? Do they not have a conscience , do they not realize what is going to happen to them if the Lord should appear tonight , tomorrow or the next day ? Like part of the saying goes , watch and pray because the time and the hour of the Lord is not known . Did you know that it isn 't even known to the Lord . It is only God who knows the exact return of Jesus Christ . So the next time that you catch yourself blaspheming his name , be careful . In the Bible it says that God will forgive you for every sin , but Blasphemy he will not forgive . So remember , have Faith and live your day the way Jesus would . It was a rainy afternoon , the clouds were covering any bit of sunshine that tried to break through . The television was blaring in the background , the mans dog sat up on the couch resting its head on the cushion . He looked out the window watching it rain as he didn 't feel so great . He was sad , his love for almost everything was no more . He started to wonder if anyone really cared about him anymore . He tried to tell himself many times that it was just all in his head . He even thought that maybe he could just shake off his problems . It wasn 't that simple as he walked towards the fridge , he grabbed anything and everything and started to eat . He could only satisfy his cravings , but even after that it didn 't seem to help . He thought to himself , what is wrong with me ? He knew that this was not normal for him . He was angry at the world for rejecting him , for making fun of him . The truth was , the world had not rejected him , the world didn 't hate him . It was all in his head and it would be a matter of time before he would come to his senses . He walked towards the bathroom and opened the cupboard . He looked in and saw several different bottles , for the first time in his life he started to contemplate suicide . He knew that he couldn 't take a knife and stab himself , he was not strong enough . His alternative he thought was to take as many pills as he could and that would just take away the pain . He thought that he would no longer have to deal with the troubles that each day had to offer . He would no longer have to worry about those who would tease him and make fun of him . He would be free from it all , he knew that this was the only thing to do . Or was it he thought ? He stood there for a few minutes looking at that bottle , looking at the lable and trying to gain up enough courage to do something that he would soon regret . He started to take one pill , then two and then three . Eventually he started to take more , but he was starting to sob as he didn 't know what he was doing . He spit them out and fell to his knees . He was not strong ePosted by I am a very easy going guy , I have a great heart . I have a beautiful daughter who just turned two and a wife who has the best personality in the world . I love to write , it 's a passion of mine and I have wanted to write a novel that would reach out to others . To bring them to Christ and touch their hearts in a way they 've never known . I write Inspirational Stories from the Heart and you are all welcome to comment and follow at my blog . It 's Http : / / Writing4Heaven . Blogspot . Com |
Caution : This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content , including Ma / Fa , Fa / Fa , Mult , Consensual , Romantic , Incest , Father , Daughter , Oral Sex , Anal Sex , Slow , Desc : Erotica Sex Story : Chapter 1 - When Brad returns home after two years he and Tracy pick up where they left off . Tracy makes a disturbing discovery about her best friend . Chapter 6 has no sex and deals mainly with the effects of Jim and Janet 's relationship . I guess before I get started I should probably tell you at least a little bit about myself . I was born and raised in Houston , but not all of my life was spent there . I did a lot of traveling as a child and teen with both family and friends , so by the time I graduated from high school , I felt pretty well rounded and adjusted ; I had managed to put behind me the reflexive responses ingrained from growing up in the " Bible Belt " and accept people and situations as I encountered them . I had always been more than a little on the wild side , and my morals were almost non - existent . With the naivety of an 18 year old , I thought nothing could shock me . I learned differently the summer before I left for college . I was spending some time with Janet , a friend who lived in a small town of less than 500 people . Except for the fact that her house was right on the main road three blocks from the courthouse , most people would consider her home out in the country . All the traffic that went through town either came down the road that ran past the front of her house or turned from the road that ended in a T intersection in front of her house . She had a large front yard and no back yard to speak of , so all of the traditional back yard things were set up in front of the house behind a 4 - foot tall chain link fence . The thing that saw the most use was the 12 - foot round trampoline . It sat to the right of the driveway behind the fence . There was a large tree off farther to the right , and the house was to the left of the driveway . During the day , the trampoline made an ideal place to sit , or lay , and watch the people go by . Everyone knew that the " kids " all gathered on it and always honked or waved as they went past . At night , it was the best place to watch the stars . Since the town rolled up the sidewalks at dusk , there was no interference from artificial light , and the stars looked like large hunks of quartz sitting up in the night sky . The entire town seemed to go to bed at 10 : 00 on weeknights , and for a city girl like me , that was just unnatural . As I said , I grew up in Houston , and you could always find something to do regardless of the time . Needless to say , that wasn 't the case in this little town . On Saturday night Janet and I made our usual trip to the next town to go dancing . They had a BYOB place that was the closest thing to a real club within 60 miles . People from all of the surrounding towns were there , and the place was packed . She and I went in and claimed a spot at our usual table and started looking for our friends . We had been frequenting this place for several years now , so even though I lived 180 miles away , I still knew quite a few people . I was looking forward to finding Mike . He had been my dance partner for the last year or so , and we had been working on a different version of the most common dance there , the 2 - step . I didn 't see him immediately , so sat down with a group of friends to enjoy the music . We sat , talked to friends , and sipped drinks for a while when I happened to spot someone whom I had not seen in several years . As a matter of fact , everyone told me that he had moved to another state , so I never expected to see him again . He was the person that I liked the most in that little town , aside from Janet , and I had sorely missed him when he left . Well , now he was back , at least for a visit , and I had to talk to him . I told Janet that I had spotted an old friend , and wanted to say hi and I might be gone for a while . Just like in the old days , he was " holding court " over near the corner . There were about 15 people gathered around him trying to get his attention for one reason or another . It took some time to make it through the press of people and come at him from behind . I reached around and put my hands over his eyes , and leaned in carefully dodging his cowboy hat so that my mouth was close to his ear and said " Howdy , cowboy . " " Tracy ? Is that really you ? I can 't believe you 're here ! " he said as he pulled my hands from his eyes and turned sideways in his chair to pull me onto his lap . To say that he was startled was an understatement . It had been 2 years since we had seen each other , and when he left , things were at one of those awkward stages in the relationship where neither person is sure how serious things are . Sure , we cared about each other , and we definitely had great sex , but was it more than just friends having sex ? Neither of us knew , so each was sort of avoiding the other in hopes that one of us would come up with a way to bring the question out in the open without spoiling what we already had . I wanted a good reception , but this was much more than I had hoped for . His arms went around my shoulders as he pulled me in for what would turn out to be the first of many kisses for the night . We sat there with me on his lap talking and listening to friends for another 20 minutes or so , when I finally stood up and said , " How ' bout a dance cowboy ? " We threaded our way out onto the dance floor and merged into the endless circle that is the country and western dance pattern . It was just like old times ; we fell into the steps that we had always used , and he pulled me tightly to him so my breasts were pressed firmly to his chest ; his thigh was between mine as we moved across the floor . Being this close was conducive to private talks , and this was the place where more than one bout of really intense sex had started . I turned my head so that my mouth was close to his ear and said , " I thought I 'd never get you to myself . Please tell me that you 'll be here for more than just the weekend . " His response delighted me and sent shivers down my spine at the same time . His warm breath caressed my ear and his voice was thick with emotion . " I 've come home to stay . I hope you 're gonna to be here for a while , too . " Now , my plans had been sort of nebulous , and I had to leave for college at the end of August , but other than that , I really didn 't have much else going on that summer . I had quit my job just before high school graduation , and I had planned to have fun before I went off to my new life . I knew that I would have to OK staying for any real length of time with both my parents , and Janet 's parents , but another week would be no problem for either , so I could commit to that easily . " I 'll be here at least a week . I gotta go home for Father 's day , but other than that , I think I can make arrangements to be here for a while . Why , you interested in renewing old acquaintances ? " " Is that all I was to you , an acquaintance ? I 'm hurt . Here I thought you would be pinning for me all this time , and I bet that you can 't even remember my name . " " Silly , you know better than that - Of course you were more than an acquaintance . I don 't have sex with acquaintances . You should know that by now . And as for not remembering your name , I won 't even dignify that with a comment . " His breath on my neck and ear was making my blood boil . He knew where all my sensitive spots were , and I had my hair up that night so he was able to get to all of them without having to burrow through hair . The fingers of his right hand were tracing patterns on my back , while the left was pulled in close and intertwined with mine . The music changed to a slow fiddle song and the pace on the dance floor slowed to a crawl . These were my least favorite dances and he knew it . He guided me to the edge of the floor and put both his hands around my waist to push me ahead of him in the crowd . I had forgotten how big his hands were . I had a small waist , about 18 inches at the time , but most men could not interlace part of their fingers with their hands around my waist . His fingers came together at the second knuckle , and the thumbs overlapped at the first knuckle . He steered me towards the hand - stamp portion of the door , and I stopped to get my stamp . He pulled his right hand off of my waist and got his stamped as well . He replaced his hand on my waist , and herded me through the crowd in the parking lot over to the picnic tables that were just at the edge of the gravel lot . When we were finally through the press of people , he released my waist and stepped forward . He draped an arm across my shoulders . His hand rested familiarly on my shoulder , but I longed for him to pull me closer and rest that large hand on my breast instead . When we finally made it out to the tables , we sat on the table side by side with our boots resting on the bench . The music , which was so loud that it made conversation difficult inside , was a nice background to a quiet conversation on that table . We sat and talked , catching up on what had happened in the last two years . He was 2 years older than me , so while his physical appearance between 18 and 20 had changed little , he had matured significantly . I , however , had been 16 when he had seen me last . I had a passable figure for a 16 - year - old girl , but the 2 - year time period had given the curves time to mature . The differences that 2 years of drill team and 2 years of growing up had made to my body were significant . I had gained about 4 inches in my bust and hips , and lost 3 in my waist . Being an 18 - year - old girl , I was obsessed about my figure , and I had heard somewhere that a 20 inch gap between waist and bust was the ideal to shoot for . I had finally obtained it , and was quite proud of the body that I had worked so hard for . That night I was dressed pretty conservatively for me , but then most of my wardrobe was a scandal to the elders in town , and this outfit was no exception . My jeans were snug enough that if I had been wearing anything other than a thong , the lines would have been obvious a block away , and this was accentuated by the fact that they had no back pockets to break - up the swell of my ass . My blouse was black , snug , low - cut , and had a slight opalescent translucency to it . There was just enough left to the imagination to be decent , and I would not have hesitated to wear it in front of my mother . But if the blouse had been cut any lower , I would have come out of the top every time I bent over . I looked good that night , and I knew it . His eyes kept coming back to the exposed tops of my breasts while we talked , and the hand that was over my shoulder began to make its inevitable decent . Things were going just as well as I had hoped they would , but we had been outside for over and hour , and I knew that I was pressing my luck with Janet . Reluctantly , I turned to him and said , " I hate to do this , but I 've gotta get back inside and find Janet so she won 't worry that I have done something stupid . I 'll see you later ? " " Oh , we usually head home about 1 o ' clock . Janet 's usually had enough to drink and is tired of dancing , and I am usually tired of the noise by that point . We stay up and wind down for about 2 hours , so we 'll be up when you leave . Now the question is , when do you plan to leave ? " " Ok , cowboy , I 'll save the 12 : 15 spot for you . You 'll have to come and find me though . I 'm not working my way through your flock of hangers - on to get a dance that you want . " Then he leaned in and his lips met mine . At first it was just a moist closed lip kiss , comfortable , friendly , but with little passion in it . Then his lips parted and his tongue snaked forward to part my lips , which opened immediately to allow entrance . Our tongues wrestled and fought , first in my mouth , then his . If it had been even slightly more private , things might have gotten completely out of hand . As it was , that kiss seemed to go on forever . His hand went to my right breast , and began to rhythmically squeeze my nipple . It was driving me wild . I could feel my labia engorge and the wetness soak my thong immediately . My left nipple was crinkled in sympathy , and both were so hard that I could feel my pulse in them . I was still lost in his mouth when his other hand found my thighs and tried to part them . I had to break the kiss to stop it from ending with us having sex on the picnic table just outside the club . He gave a little grunt of frustration , and cupped the back of my neck in his strong hand to pull me in for another kiss . Like the last one , this one started out closed lipped , but both of our mouth 's opened simultaneously with a moan as I leaned forward and melted against his chest . His tongue trickled fire into my mouth , only to have me return it to him with interest when the wrestling moved from my mouth to his . My tongue traced his teeth and caressed his pallet . His tongue wrapped itself around mine and then tried to push past it to explore my mouth . We were lost in a world of sensation , a world of darkness , touch , taste , and country music mixed with the ever - present call of crickets . Again , the kiss seemed to go on forever , and it seemed that neither of us would ever need to come up for air . Somehow , we were still breathing without breaking or interfering with that most intense kiss . My blood was pounding so loudly in my ears that I couldn 't hear anything except my heartbeat . My nipples were so rigid that I thought they would explode with each heartbeat . My head was beginning to spin , and I could feel the start of a major orgasm building . Just as I reached the point where I was ready to risk getting caught out there on the picnic table , he began to pull away , slowly disengaging , bringing our kiss to an end . The world started to come back to me , and I was keenly aware of the sounds coming out of the club . It was time for me to get back inside . One last kiss on the cheek , and I was ready to head back . " See you at 12 : 15 , cowboy . If you don 't find me or Janet , I 'll assume that you 've decided to have breakfast in Houston and may make other plans . " " We 'll see . If you 're there , great , but don 't let me interfere with your plans if you don 't want me too . I 'm not trying to hone in on someone else 's party . You know , I didn 't ask , but are you dating anyone right now ? If you are , you better not come by . You know what an almighty mess that caused last time . " " Well , don 't let me keep you from the party . I think I 'm gonna stay out here for another few minutes . I 'm not ready for the assault of the music . I 'll be in later . On your way in , if you see Janet , tell her that I 'm all right and where I am ? " With a nod , he turned and headed to the door . I pulled out my pack of cigarettes , and lit one while I leaned back on one elbow on the table . Then I laid flat on my back with my feet still resting on the bench to admire the stars . The only light close to me was coming from the door when it intermittently opened to let someone in or out of the club . The ember from my cigarette seemed to hover in mid - air , turning brighter then dimming as I drew air through it . After a few minutes , I heard distinct footsteps that could only be Janet . She knew of my habit of coming out here to get away from the noise for a while , so was not surprised to find me in my regular star watching position . I felt more than heard the shift in the table when she sat next to me . As was our custom , she laid down to look at the stars for a few minutes before even bothering to bring up whatever it was that brought her out here . In this case , I was sure she had seen Brad and needed to know what was going on between the two of us . She knew I took stupid chances with Brad . Not just unprotected sex , but sex in places that we were likely to get caught or get hurt if we were not extremely alert and careful . With frustration and anger warring in her voice , Janet said , " Well , I see he 's back . Are you gonna to take up where you left off , or have you already done so ? You were gone for long enough that you could have . You know that you can tell me truth . At this point , I just want to make sure that you don 't do anything stupid enough to keep you from going to college in August . " " No , we haven 't done anything really stupid yet . I can 't promise we won 't , but I 'll try to make sure that it 's nothing really dangerous . He 's going to stop by on his way home tonight , and if he sees lights , we 'll see from there . This is all so overwhelming . I thought I was over him , and that I had moved on . I really felt like I was free , but one kiss , and I knew that I just couldn 't walk away . I 'm going to see if I can get him to move to college with me so that we can share an apartment . I don 't think that I can be without him for any long period of time . It 's like something that 's been missing for a while now has finally fallen back into place , and I 'm whole again . I know that 's stupid , but it 's the only description that I have . " " Ok , I only have one request . Please be back in the house , or at least in the front yard with a car engine that is cool by 5 am . The parents 'll be up between 5 : 30 and 6 : 00 , and I 'm not ready to take a bunch of crap so you can run around with Brad again . If that shit starts , I 'm gonna to have to ask you to go home . I don 't want to do that , but I can 't stand trying to cover for you when you run off to god knows where for god knows how long . The only other choice you have is to ask permission from my dad and tell him what 's going on . I don 't know how he 'll take it ; he may tell you to go home , or he may do something else entirely . That 's the choice you have to make . I know that if you go home , you 'll have at least a 2 hour drive to see Brad , and that your mother will expect you back at the house by 2 am every night . That would seriously curtail your time with Brad , but it 's your choice to make . I guess I 'm through being a mother now , and I 'll let it drop . " By this time , I had finished my cigarette , and put it out in the coffee can full of sand that sat on the table . I thought about what Janet said before I spoke . There were lots of things running around in my head about the last time that I saw Brad and the amount of trouble that I caused , not just for myself , but for Janet , who was trying to cover for me . I had a cell phone now , so staying in touch was not a problem , but at the same time , I didn 't want her to be responsible for trying to keep track of me . Then there was the fact that I would end up not spending as much time with her as I had originally intentioned . The reason I was here was to spend the last large block of time with Janet that I would probably ever get . I intended to take summer school each year in college so that I could get out in a reasonable time , and I had to see both sets of parents during the breaks between semesters . So the best that I could expect was to spend the occasional weekend with her , whether she came to visit me , or I went to visit her , it would still be too short . " Janet , I need to think and to talk to your father . It 's still really early , and I know you 're not ready to go home yet , why don 't I run back to your house , talk to your dad , then come back . I 'll be here by midnight . If you see Brad looking for me , tell him I ran an errand really quickly and will be back shortly . We have a dance scheduled for 12 : 15 , so you know I won 't forget you . I 'll leave my phone with you in case you have an emergency . What d ' ya think ? " " Yeah , go have that talk with dad . Maybe he 'll have a simple solution for you . Hopefully he 'll be able to help you work things out so I don 't have to take the heat for you . Then , I am pretty much OK with whatever it is you decide . " I sat up and turned to look at her . Her face was creased with worry , and her eyes were narrowed with irritation . I knew that look , and it said louder than any words can say , " Don 't pull the same shit you did last time . I 'm not going through hell over this . " I reached down and took her hand in mine . As I held it tightly , I looked directly into her eyes and said " I promise that if I can 't work something out with your father , I 'll go home so you won 't have to deal with all of the shit that is going to result from me spending way too much time with Brad . I know that you don 't want me to go home , but I 'd rather leave than cause you to lose all your fun for the rest of the summer . I know I 've said it before , but thanks again for protecting me last time . This time , I 'll make sure that if anything happens , I 'll be the one that gets into all the trouble . " When I finished , I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed the back . I squeezed it once , and then set it back on her stomach where the other one lay . She sat up and gave me a hug . " Good luck , I think that you 're gonna need it . " I thought of all of the things that I could say to Janet 's father while I drove back to her house . He was one of the very few people in the world who could always see through any bullshit that I happened to spin . I was hoping that Janet 's stepmother would be in bed already so that I could talk to her father without interruption . There was the possibility that if I could get him alone I might be able to convince him to let me run a little wild , but not hold Janet responsible . My hope was for a later curfew , and maybe some leniency on the whole no boys in the house after the parents had gone to bed thing . That would allow me to spend time with both Janet and Brad and was probably the best that I was going to get . What I got instead was a real surprise . I pulled into the driveway and turned off the headlights . The lights in the house were off everywhere except for the TV in the den . When I walked past the front windows , I saw that he was alone in the den . Well , at least that was going right . I opened the front door and closed it softly behind me . He was sitting on the couch watching something in black and white . It was nothing I had seen before , but then I was never a fan of black and white movies , so maybe that wasn 't too surprising . I walked into the den and sat down . He paused the VCR and asked what was wrong . His first worry was for Janet and why she wasn 't with me . I reassured him she was fine and was carrying my cell in case she had an emergency . That seemed to calm him and again , he asked me what the problem was . I still had no idea where to start , so I hemmed and hawed for awhile talking about how sometimes when I was there I did things that Janet did not know about beforehand , and that it was not her responsibility to look out for me . Eventually , he stopped and surprised the hell out of me by saying " So , you finally found out Brad 's back in town , huh ? I was hoping that it 'd take you a bit longer than 2 days , but I knew it was inevitable . This is a novel solution to the problem ; I didn 't think that you would have the guts to just come and talk to me . I figured I 'd eventually have to stay up and catch you coming in to have this talk . Well , before I offer any solution , what do you have in mind ? " I repeated a lot of what I said to Janet about a lost part of me being found . I also talked about the idea of Brad joining me in my college apartment . Her dad , as I thought he might , laughed and told me that I was dreaming ; there was no way that Brad was going to move 3 hours away after just getting back . Then he changed the subject to how we were going to deal with the current situation saying , " Well , that 's all for the future , and we can let that take care of itself . What about now ? I 'm not willing to have mothers come to me about your behavior , nor will I tolerate jealous girlfriends showing up at 3 : 00 am drunk and looking for revenge . What do you intend to do to prevent a repeat of last time ? " " Well , the most important part is that he is not dating anyone , not seeing anyone , not engaged to anyone and not married . That should take care of the jealous girlfriends , and as for the mothers , we won 't be quite so public with our affections . That should take care of the righteous anger , right ? " " I was hoping for more than ' not quite so public ' . There really isn 't anything more public than on the steps of the courthouse during the 4th of July fireworks , after all . I need a commitment from you that you won 't do anything that will cause any further embarrassment to the family before I am willing to let you stay past tomorrow morning . " " Jim , you know I can 't give you that commitment . Come on , what I am wearing right now is enough to cause parts of the town to talk . I can say that I won 't do anything that is against the law , or that would cause problems in Houston . " " Well , as you know , we have an extra bedroom now that Julie has moved in with her mother . I 'm willing to let you use it as your own , I 'll relax all of the no boys rules , and will basically let him live here provided that if he lives here , he pulls his weight around the house . I 'm going to expect more from you too on this . You will have to pull your weight as well . When you were just Janet 's friend spending a couple of weeks , it was O . K . for us not to assign you chores , you not to pay rent or help with groceries , but now that you 'll be here all summer , we 'll need to work something out . " " I 've talked to my wife about all of this . She doesn 't like it and is just waiting for you to screw up , so keep your nose clean . Don 't wake her at night , and for God 's sake , don 't let our littlest one know that you and Brad are having sex . " When he said that last bit , I thought I was going to cough up a lung . I was used to hearing plain talk from Jim , but this was a bit much . Here he was , basically letting me do whatever I want in exchange for rent . This was beyond my wildest dreams . Of course , it all depended on how much rent he wanted , but I was sure that I could work something out . " OK , we 'll be discreet in the house . I promise . Now , what kind of rent are we talking about here . I have a decent amount stashed from 3 years of working , and I 'm pretty sure mom would be willing to send you a check to cover some of the expenses of having me here , but I 'll need a figure if I 'm gonna to talk to her about it . " " I think that we should think about a lot of the perks I 'm offering you here . I think a small monetary compensation would be more than enough , but you and I will need to discuss the rest later . Ask your mom for $ 100 a month and one trip to the grocery store per month . That should cover enough of your expenses that we can still get by just fine . Now , get out of here and let me finish watching this . Oh , and by the way , tell Janet that I won 't hold her responsible for your actions . Have a good night ; I can 't wait to laugh at the way you walk tomorrow . " I blushed fiercely and headed back out to the car . The entire conversation had taken less than an hour , and I was going to be back in plenty of time , so I stopped and picked up a couple of bottles of wine and a 12 - pack of Sprite ( tm ) . The parking lot was so full that I ended up parking almost at the picnic tables and , to my surprise , Brad was sitting out there by himself . I pulled into the spot , turned off the lights and the car and got out . I headed toward Brad with the wine and a big cup in one arm and the Sprite in the other . It was dark enough that he had a bit of a difficult time telling that it was me , but when I got close , he called out , " Hey sexy , what 's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this ? " I set the wine down and pulled a corkscrew out of my purse . Brad took the corkscrew from me and began to open one of the bottles of wine . I opened a Sprite and poured it into the cup . Once Brad opened the bottle , I added an equal portion of wine . Sipping my drink , I sat down on the table next to him . He picked up his long neck and took another pull from the bottle , then turned to me and took the hand that was not holding the drink . He turned it palm up and gently kissed the palm of my hand , then brought it to his cheek and held it there for a minute before letting it go . I was amazed ; his eyes shone with unshed tears , and I had no idea what they were for . He brought both hands up to my face and turned it towards him . His voice was thick with emotion , and he almost seemed to choke on the words that followed . " I 've missed you so much . You 're the reason that I came back . I told myself I came back because Ohio was too cold , and I wasn 't making enough money , and I missed my family , but the truth is , I couldn 't be where you weren 't . The thought that we wouldn 't be able to be together because of all of the things that have happened in the past hit me about 20 minutes ago , and I came out here to see if I could figure out what to do . " " Don 't be so gloomy . I 've got it figured out , I promise , " and with that I began to tell him about the deal that Jim was willing to offer me . His first reaction was shock , which transformed quickly into suspicion . " Honestly , I don 't know what he is going to ask . My guess is he 'll want your help with the car business , and 'll want me to do some of the cooking and cleaning , but aside from that , I couldn 't make a guess . I know Jim too , and he said that we 'd have to talk about it later . There 's a hook in it somewhere , but I won 't know if it is one that I can live with until I talk to him about it . Don 't get your hopes up . It could be any number of things that either one of us is unwilling to do , but I 'm willing to explore the options . " " Yeah , I know what you mean . He does have some weird kinks , and he could want anything . As for rent from me , do you think that he 'll be satisfied with the same amount from me as he is getting from you ? You know I won 't be able to stay there all the time , so that should more than cover any expense they incur for having me stay . " " Who knows ? Again , we 'll just have to talk to him . But , smile cowboy , things are looking up . At least he 's going to let me stay for a while . I did have to promise not to do anything illegal , so no more sex on the courthouse steps during the fireworks , but that doesn 't rule out all sorts of other places . " His smile could have lit up an entire county . He leaned forward and kissed my forehead lightly , then he kissed my cheeks , then my eyelids , all the while whispering his love for me . I was again feeling the blood rush to my nipples as they began to enlarge . One of his large hands came around my back and pulled me close to him . His mouth covered mine , and as his tongue entered my mouth , I tasted the distinct flavor of beer . I kissed him for a moment , then pulled back and rested my head on his shoulder . We went back into the club and set the wine and Sprite down at the table . Janet had collected quite a few men by then , but I could tell that she wasn 't taking any of them too seriously . I looked around trying to spot Tim . He was the one that she was dying to get to know , and he just happened to be one of Brad 's best friends . When I found him , I leaned into Brad and suggested that we head over to see Tim . Once we were out of earshot of Janet , I explained to Brad that Janet thought Tim was hot and wanted to get to know him . Brad saw exactly how convenient it would be for Janet to have someone special right now , and walked right up to Tim . I tagged along to see what Brad was going to say . I shouldn 't have left it to Brad . Of course , the conversation was the basic female nightmare ; thank God I was there to set it straight before Tim acted on Brad 's suggestion . Brad had basically suggested that Janet would be an easy lay if Tim would just talk to her . Nothing could have been further from the truth , but Brad I guess , didn 't know that . I intercepted Tim on his way to talk to Janet . Our conversation was more truthful and more useful to Tim . It turned out that Tim had seen her around , but since he was 7 years older than Janet , had never even given a thought to dating her . That isn 't terribly surprising given the fact that when he graduated from high school , she was 11 . Well , now she was legal , and also a real looker , so he was willing to get to know her . Once he understood that she wasn 't going to just rollover that first night , he actually seemed more interested . Tim made his was toward Janet and then stood just far enough away that he was inconspicuous . Just as the current song ended , he stepped up and asked Janet to dance . She accepted before the next song started . I watched them dance for a few minutes and then began looking for Brad . I saw him coming toward me from the dance floor with a mischievous grin on his face . There was no telling what he was up to , but I figured that it would be fun whatever it was . He asked me to dance , and I willingly accepted . We got to the dance floor in that moment of silence during which all of the dancers sort of stop to see if they will continue for the next dance or head back to the table . The pause was longer than normal , and I looked up at the band to see what was going on . Strangely enough , the lead singer had stepped down , and a woman who never sang with that particular band joined them on stage . She had a beautiful soprano voice , and I always liked to stay late when she was singing . She said that there was a request and that the next song was going out to Tracy . Then the familiar strains of " I Will Always Love You " began , and I melted into Brad 's arms . He 'd always known how to get me to do anything for him . As we danced , I sniffled , and shed a few happy tears . It was almost 1 : 00 by the time we got off of the dance floor . We were both surprised to discover that his friends were waiting for him to go to breakfast with them . If he went , that would be the end of our night . I had never been so frustrated in my life . More than once , Brad had gotten me to the point that I absolutely had to have an orgasm , only to slowly bring me back down . When John approached , his first words were , " Come on , we 've got 6 people waiting on you . Let 's go ! " I made a conscious decision to let John know without Brad having to say anything that Brad was not leaving with them . I stepped in front of Brad with my back to him , pulling both of his arms around me as I did so . His hands came to rest on my breasts , and he reflexively began to pinch and squeeze them . John stared at Brad 's hands for a moment ; then he said , " Ah , you found somethin ' better than breakfast . O . K . , guess we 'll go without you , but Shelly 'll be really disappointed . She was lookin ' forward to spendin ' the trip into Houston with you . What d ' ya want me to tell her ? " John stood back , and made a lifting motion . Brad removed his hands from my breasts leaving my erect nipples clearly poking against the slightly sheer fabric of my blouse . I had been attracting attention for years , but it had been a while since anyone looked at me that thoroughly . John seemed to be able to see through my clothes . He took in every feature , from head to toe . He stopped in places that most people don 't even notice , my long neck for example . When he reached my feet , he looked back at Brad and asked , " O . K . , where 'd ya find her ? I know she ain 't from here . If she were , I 'd ' ave noticed . She 's the best looking woman I 've seen in years . " I blushed a bright red and said , " I 'm from Houston . I 've been in and out of town for years now , so you must not be that observant . I was here last weekend , and saw you with the brunette with bad teeth . I 'm Janet 's best friend . " " Ah , that 'd be it then . You 're on the WAY too young side for me . I am not goin ' to jail . Brad , maybe you 'd better come with me . If you don 't , you could end up in real trouble . " " Nope , you go ahead . She 's legal , so you don 't have to worry . Besides , I 'm not into older women like you are . Enjoy your breakfast . ' Bye now . " With that , Brad took my hand and turned toward the table where Janet sat finishing the last of the first bottle wine . We joined Janet and Tim at the table , and I proceeded to put away the better part of a bottle of wine . By the time that we were ready to go home , I wasn 't fit to drive . Janet was never fit to drive on Friday night , so Brad drove my car home while Tim drove Brad 's truck . Things were working out like I had hoped : Tim was there to entertain Janet while she sobered up , and Brad was there to take care of the amazing need for an orgasm that I had developed that night . |
Going Home This is another parallel posting from Literotica . This is a change of pace , suspense and eerie rather than sci - fi . This is early in the Millwater horror series even though the town only has a cameo . " You about ready to blow this thing ? " Tommy asked him . There were a couple of dull thumps that Ed felt through the soles of his boots . The men looked over the hood of the truck . The two large rocks they 'd been tasked with destroying were split into quarters . Ed shook his head and laughed , walking over to where the dust was still settling around the rocks . They were some kind of dark stone he 'd never seen before . Crazy red - neck or not , Tommy was an artist with high explosives . The two boulders had split in four sections , almost like an orange . There was a sharp smell in the air , almost like ozone . " GET DOWN ! " Tommy yelled and Ed was on his face before he 'd even thought about it . But it was quiet , no buzz of incoming bullets . " Serious as a heart attack , you walked over and there was two flashes of light right over you . I figured there was some unexploded ordnance . You didn 't see anything ? Really ? " Ed looked at him . Tommy was such a shit liar that everyone loved playing poker with him . " You scratched your sunglasses or something , " Ed said . " There was nothing there . " " Yeah , you woulda noticed it for sure . Hell , Eddie , one last squirt to the heart , right ? " Tommy said , pulling him to his feet . " I wouldn 't fuck with you on your last day like that . " Tommy thought for a minute and laughed . " Yeah , I would . But I wasn 't back there , swear . Maybe it was the sun or something . " They got in the truck and headed back to the security compound . Ed was flying out tonight , he couldn 't wait to get out of here . Twenty - four hours from now he 'd be landing in Cincinnati , two hours later he 'd be home . Ed shook his head . " No way . I 'm going home , I 'm gonna marry Dina , and we 're going to have a baby . I 'll find some nice boring job to do . " Ed smiled and pulled his hat down over his eyes . Tommy never cared if anyone was listening or not . " Talking to hear his head roar , " his uncle would 've said . " Yessir , " Ed said . He really hoped this big bastard wasn 't going to be a prick . He 'd heard about guys getting hassled , especially contractors . " Good deal , the taxi guys crank their fees up at night . Didn 't want you to get screwed over . " The agent stamped his passport and handed it back . " Welcome home , Mr . Fairweather . " It always surprised Ed when people were kind . He nodded at the man and headed down the empty concourse , just a few people from the flight in front of him . Baggage claim was almost as empty and he immediately saw Dina waiting for him . He started to walk quickly toward her and she ran to him , jumping up to wrap her arms and legs around him , squeezing tightly . Ed hugged her just as tightly , smelling her shampoo and perfume . Now he was home . " Checking to make sure everything was okay . Look , I didn 't want to interrupt anything , I had to be sure . Give me a call later . " " Tommy lost his shit a few hours after you left , Ed . Starting talking all kinds of crazy shit . They found him talking to the air , wandering around the market . " " Our guys brought him back , mostly naked and raving about fires and green mountains . I 've never seen him like that . We put him to bed , hoped he 'd sleep it off . A little later , he put a pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger . " " Tommy ? Hell no , he was too Baptist to even drink beer . Something strange did happen after he blew those rocks . He yelled , said there were flashes of light around me . I didn 't see anything and he was kind of embarrassed about it a few minutes later . " " Be nice if there was enough of his head for an autopsy , " Andy said . " Look , I don 't want his insurance to get held up . I 'm going to write it up that way . So if anyone calls and asks … " " I 'll look into it . The mayor is meeting with us today , evidently those were an important monument . Maybe they 're just busting my balls over it " There was a sigh . " I know you don 't , Eddie . Starting to wonder what Tommy had going though . I gotta go deal with this , you 're not in any trouble . Enjoy the P & Q . " Dina stretched as she walked to the bathroom . Ed had promised her that they 'd spend a couple of days in bed when he got home . She 'd had to work today but he 'd certainly spent a day by himself sleeping . She didn 't mind , he 'd had more than enough energy when she got home last night . Today she had a surprise for him . A few months ago he said one of the things he wanted to do was go for a drive , to see trees and water and not have to worry about anything blowing up or anyone shooting at him . After some research , she 'd come up with a carefully marked route on a map with the twistiest roads she could . He looked at the map and then up at her , grinning . " Well , if you 're sure . " He grabbed her and pulled her into the bed . " No ! " Dina shrieked , wiggling to get away . " I 'm starving near to death and I let you take advantage of me . Now you won 't even feed me ! Brute ! " " Pish - posh , that 's nothing . Get up ! " Dina dodged another arm and backed up to the door . " Edward , I 'm gonna fill a bucket with water . " Ed had bought a Impreza WRX when he 'd left the Army . It was a few years old and pretty beat up . He planned to fix it up but before that happened he 'd taken a contract with a private security company . This didn 't look much like the car he 'd left in the barn . The dents were gone and it had been repainted , there were new wheels as well . Ed looked over at her but she ignored him , smiling out the windshield . He hated antiquing . He kept staring at her but Dina refused to look at him . Finally , Ed laughed and floored the car . Dina shrieked as the tires threw gravel everywhere and they went flying down the driveway . The day couldn 't have been more perfect , warm and sunny with occasional puffy clouds blocking the sun . They got to Marietta and followed the road east , out of town . Dina rolled down her window as they left the town behind , tucking her long blonde hair under a baseball cap . Ed smiled over at her , there wasn 't anyone he 'd rather be with . They pulled into Riverwood just after noon and found a place to eat . After lunch , it was a couple of antique stores . Ed was so happy to be with Dina that he hardly minded following her around the dusty rooms . Ed looked around as they walked to the water . It was really quiet , the trees on the forested slopes around were completely still . Even the scratchy roar of the grasshoppers was muted . There was a little splash of water by the trees , where the pond drained over an old concrete dam and into the creek below . Other than that , it was just the scuffing of his feet in the pine needles . Dina sat on a picnic table and opened her bottle of juice . He sat down and took a drink from his water . The smell of pinesap was really strong . There was a little bit of a noise as a breeze hissed through the trees . It didn 't help , just made the suffocating silence worse . He rubbed his nose , he usually liked pine trees , liked the smell of sap and the soft carpet of needles . Not today , it was gloomy and all he could think about was the smell of turpentine . Ed really wanted to get the hell out of there , but Dina was excited to go up and see the cemetery . Making her happy made him happy , so they started climbing the path . Dina was into old graveyards , but not in a creepy way . She 'd grown up in a state home knowing nothing about her family . Now she stopped at little graveyards all over looking for people with her last name . When she found one , she carefully took notes and then would make Ed laugh with outlandish stories about Great Uncle Hezekiah or whoever . When they reached the top he took another deep breath . It was better up here , but there was some kind of itch he couldn 't reach . He 'd snap out of it , today was going to be perfect . He 'd gotten her an engagement ring in Germany and he touched the velvet box in his pocket . Yeah , today was going to be perfect . " There 's the well , " she said , letting go of his hand to point . They walked over to the fieldstone wall and looked down . There was a heavy steel grate keeping people from falling in , other than that , the bright light made it too dark to see the bottom . He thought he could hear the water at the bottom though . It made him have to pee . There was a large shaded area under a tangle of trees and he stepped behind one and went against the base . Ed zipped up and walked back out to the well but Dina wasn 't there . Maybe she decided he was being gross and went on without him . He grabbed the water , but why was this full now ? And the cap was still sealed . He knew he 'd been drinking out of it . Did someone else leave it here ? He walked around the well , looking for his water . It was gone , this one had to be someone else 's . He left it there . The last thing he needed was some soccer mom screaming he stole it . There was a little path into the trees and followed that , finding an iron fence and a dozen headstones , but no Dina . Had she gone back to the car for some reason ? The back of his neck was starting to tingle and itch , something was wrong here . Ed started to jog back toward the well but made himself stop and take a few deep breaths . He wasn 't in the sandbox anymore , he was home and there was nothing to worry about here . Plus , Dina would make him go back to that PTSD group if he ran back there flipping his shit . Once his breathing had calmed down , Ed walked the rest of the way to the well . She still wasn 't there , so she must have gone back down to the car . The water was still sitting there . He kicked a rock and it clattered against the stone well coping . The sound was loud , Ed realized that everything around him had gone absolutely quiet . Even the grasshoppers were silent , no birds , no wind in the trees . His footsteps were the only noise . The light was getting dimmer as well . No , not here , thunderstorms here . He squinted up but the sky was a bright glaring white . No dark clouds that he could see . But there was the parking lot ahead . That 's where she was , she 'd laugh at him for being nervous when he told her about this . His feet scuffed on the path and Ed was glad of that noise at least . It was almost like he was going deaf . The tingling on the back of his neck was still there though . It had been joined by a rock in the pit of his stomach . Something had to be wrong here . He was walking past the car when he remembered he left the water up there . She 'd give him hell for littering in the park it but he really didn 't want to go back up there . He didn 't have the energy and it was too hot and too still . The Subaru was the only car in the lot but she wasn 't inside . How could she be when it was this hot ? Ed glanced at the sky again . Still a bright glaring white . He noticed a green shimmer near the horizon , but it was the wrong color for a tornado . What was going on with the weather ? The hair on his arms stood up as the quiet began to spread around him . It spread from behind him , silencing everything around him . Like it was flowing down the hill behind him . Ed slowed his breathing down again . Panicking wouldn 't help Dina . Maybe she 'd gone to the bathroom . He walked around the brick structure but the door was hanging open and it was empty . The feeling of wrongness got worse . He wasn 't nervous anymore , he was fucking scared . It didn 't matter if he left Iraq or not , shit was going down right here . " Dina ! " he yelled , turning in a circle . He yelled over and over but there was no reply . Had someone kidnapped her ? Had he missed any signs of a struggle ? Ed wanted to run back up the hill and look for traces , but that was ridiculous . He 'd been fifty feet away , he would have heard something . And Dina was hardly helpless , she 'd knocked a drunk Marine on his ass last year in Florida . She hadn 't even broken a sweat , no way could someone silently grab her . That picnic table in the shadow of the pines was the only other place she could be . Unless she 'd walked out to the road . He could see the pines but not into the darkness underneath them . For some reason , he really didn 't want to walk over there . A flash in his eyes made Ed duck . It was still silent and if there wasn 't any noise it wasn 't an explosion . He was fine , it must have been a reflection . He took a breath and started walking across the grass toward the trees . If she was there , he 'd find her . If she was in trouble , he 'd help her . She 'd do the same for him . " I 'm yours and you 're mine , " he muttered , concentrating on putting one foot in front of another . They said it to each other all the time . The last thing in the world he 'd do was let her down because something spooked him . The glare from the sky got worse , he could feel the sun beating onto his scalp . The fear got worse and worse but he forced himself to keep walking . Those trees looked like they were miles away . It was going to take him forever to get out there . He glanced back at the parking lot , hoping to see her standing by the car . She 'd have her hands on her hips , wondering what he was doing wandering out here . But the parking lot was still empty and now the car looked as far away as the trees . There was no way he could make it to either one in this heat and silence . He shook his head , it didn 't matter , she was his and something had gone very wrong . He was going to find her . He kept walking toward the trees , not looking back . There were small puffs of dust from the grass , baked brown and dead by the merciless sun . There was a scrap of something on the ground , a scrap of nylon strap someone had abandoned a long time ago looked like . Maybe a dog collar . He 'd had a dog once . He could still hear it ; the screech of tires followed by its anguished screaming . It was the first thing that he 'd ever had to kill , kneeling there in the street with the knife while the blood spread , staining the knees of his school pants . The feeling in his stomach had grown spikes now . He swallowed , trying to hold off panic . How could a few trees scare him this much ? And Jax was long gone , no need to worry him now . It had been quick for Jax at least . Not like mom . She 'd lasted a long time , kept smiling , even as his stepfather slowly beat her to death , night by night . Ed groaned quietly . He looked up and could 've cried with relief when he saw the trees right in front of him . He made it . And there was someone sitting on the picnic table ! He stumbled into the shade of the pines , shuddering as he stepped out of that merciless heat and glare . The cool dim air washed over him , the feeling was almost like falling into cold water . He walked on , going to Dina . They were going to laugh about this later . Dina was wearing khaki shorts and a green t shirt . There was a faded Hornet logo on the front . This woman was wearing long black pants and some sort of long , dark red , vest thing . And Dina had blonde in a braid down to the middle of her back . This woman 's short black hair stood up in spikes . The fear and despair washed over Ed again . Where had she come from ? The parking lot was still empty , he could see it from here , across the endless wastes of dead grass . The woman turned around . She moved gracefully in one smooth motion . Almost like a machine . She studied him , expression then abruptly smiled . She looked like a supermodel , high cheekbones , smooth skin and very red lips . Her eyes were a strange gray color , he 'd never seen anyone with eyes that color . And the expression on her face was fixed , like it had been painted there . Ed had never seen anyone so beautiful and was deeply frightened . She wasn 't beautiful like Dina , this woman had a statue 's beauty or the graceful curve of an iridescent beetle shell . Dina was alive and laughing and perfect . Ed was almost nauseated with terror , his knees were made of water and every neuron he had wanted to run . Right now . Go away to anywhere that wasn 't here . But Dina was his , he was hers . That 's the way it was . The woman was looking past him , like there was someone behind him . Ed looked around but no one was there . She laughed and Ed could hear the cheerleaders laughing about his " poor kid " clothes his first day of high school . Ed looked at his feet , ashamed of everything he was . But he wasn 't leaving until he had an answer . He was hers , she was his and he was going to find her again . She got up gracefully , beautifully and Ed almost screamed but bit his lips before she noticed . No one moved that way , no one real . It was too smooth , too perfect . There was something to it that woke up the ancient parts of his brain , making then scream of predators , screaming at him to run . Ed had a hard time making his legs move , but finally followed her . There wasn 't any choice , he had to find … what as her name again ? Dina ! How the hell could he forget that ? It had to be this heat . The sun blasted meadow was shimmering in the heat and Ed stopped to look back at the shade and a jolt of formless terror hit him like someone had thrown it from a bucket . He hurried after the woman . The fear faded when he was close to her again . Ed tried to stop walking but the terror of his memories shoved him , carrying him in her wake . They walked across the parking lot . His car was right there , a beautiful blue promise of escape if only he could make it , but he couldn 't stop walking . His hands were shaking so badly that he couldn 't have even gotten his keys out anyway . The terror began to crowd in on him as they climbed the path . Ed was only a step behind her . He didn 't think of anything but following her , he didn 't want to be left here by himself . He nodded and she swiveled around and started walking up the path again and Ed followed her . His eyes were drawn to the movement of her buttocks . It was inhumanly graceful . Ed couldn 't believe that he could watch her like this , that he could get turned on . But he couldn 't look away from the perfect motion of the perfect ass in front of him . She walked to the well . Aka pirouetted and sat on the edge of the well in one swift movement , like she was dancing . Ed looked for the bottle of water . It was gone and he was confused . Had he had been at the wrong place ? Then he saw the trees he had gone behind . No , this was the same place he 'd been before . Ed was drawn to the tangle of trees , aware of every footstep , not wanting to look , suddenly sure he 'd see Dinah there , her body ripped and lifeless . But he couldn 't stop himself , he wanted to close his eyes … and then he was gasping in relief , there was nothing there but the carpet of pine needles . He looked back at the woman and his mouth fell open . She had unbuttoned her vest and let it fall on the ground . She was smiling again and the expression looked real this time . He wasn 't sure if the expression on her face meant hunger or lust . It was probably both . She licked her lips and opened her pants . They fell around her ankles and she stepped out of them as she walked toward him . She moved slowly , looking even more like a statue , beautiful and utterly inhuman . Despite the terror , Ed 's cock was rigid . Ed shook his head mutely . He 'd never seen this woman before , he had no clue what she was talking about . But he wanted to run from her until his lungs burst and he wanted to crawl on his belly in the dirt to please her . He wanted to climb into the trees to hide or to scream his sanity away . But he didn 't move , he was frozen in place and out of choices . He was going to do whatever she wanted . He 'd crawl , lick her feet , rip his own eyes out to please her . Whatever she wanted , because it was obedience not desire . Then a memory of laughter and blonde hair floated through his mind . " Where is she ? " Ed whispered . He wasn 't sure if he wanted to find her or just make sure she wasn 't watching what he was about to do for this woman . Ed turned , she kept talking but he ignored her . Dina ! How had he missed seeing her ? She was right there , so close he could hear her . Dina wasn 't alone , they were both so close he could hear them both . Ed wanted to weep for her , she 'd been taken over , just like Akatash was about to take him over . He wasn 't angry or jealous , neither of them had a choice . Like a mare being inseminated had no choice . Was that what they were doing to Dina and him ? Why ? Ed kept watching , unable to believe his eyes . Dina was completely naked and she was pushing herself onto him . She was panting , like she 'd been running . Every time she lowered herself , he pushed his hips up , driving his absurdly large penis up into her . Ed stood frozen , staring . The woman was standing beside him , close enough that he felt the heat coming from her perfect flesh . " I told you . What am I ? Up and beside , from the Kaf " she said , sliding her hands down his back . He shivered at the warmth of her hands . " But don 't trouble your little brain . After all , how could Mr . Square know up ? " " Mmm , you 're all so snuggly and scared ! " she laughed , her hands tracing the edge of his shorts . " We 're playing qarin . Not pets , not quite right , but close . Because you 're so adorably tri - dimensional . " The woman 's hands slid over his stomach , pulling his shirt over his head . The heat from her skin felt like sunlight on his back . Dina 's gasps were starting to sound like moans . She was muttering something but Ed couldn 't hear what . He couldn 't look away from Dina . Did she know he was watching ? Akatash pushed him forward as she stepped away . " Again ! Why would you even think about … ohh ! You have a relationship with her , don 't you . Little pets and their mates . This must be very upsetting for you . But see ? Isn 't he magnificent ? " Ed stared at her , a pit forming in his stomach . Dina was grinding her hips on the shadowy figure . Ed knew then that she wasn 't being forced at all , she wanted it . She was begging for more . Was that the way she begged for it from men while he was gone ? She was nearly a stranger , how well could he really know her ? He 'd been gone for a long time … " Yes , " Akatash whispered in his ear , behind him again . " She only thinks of him . Poor Edward , your little mate has forgotten all about you . As Ed watched , the stranger grabbed Dina 's ass , pulling her hard against him as his hips pounded in her . Dina moaned , her back arching as she frantically humped against him . The way Dina always came . No , she wasn 't being forced . She was enjoying this . Ed turned to look at the woman and she shrugged , giving him a mean little smile . " How could you compete with him ? Now he 's done and you waited too long . " Her clothes were back on and she was backing away , toward the well . The woman reached out into the air , like she was pulling a curtain back . Then she somehow stepped behind it . She was gone , along with the fear . Ed fell to his knees , his entire body cramping as he gasped and sobbed . " Baby ! " Dina yelled , running toward him from the well . He could see his half full water bottle sitting there , just where he 'd left it . Nothing here but the mellow June sun . Nothing behind him . He tried to control his breathing . Nothing there , he was safe . No one else here but them . Then Dina 's arms were around him , rocking him as he shuddered . Dina finally got him to the car , helping him walk on shaky legs down the path . Everything looked normal , he didn 't feel anything at all , the grass was as green as it had been earlier . Birds and grasshoppers made the usual racket . It was a nice summer day . Even the irritation was gone . Ed took a deep breath , " I came out from behind the tree and you were gone . I went looking for you in the graveyard , but you weren 't there either . I came down here and there was a woman over there . I thought it was you but she said you were waiting at the well . " " And I was . Baby , we 're going to the hospital , " Dina said . " Something 's not right , you might have had a stroke or something . " " You went behind a tree , " she said . " You were gone for a while and I asked if you were okay . You didn 't answer , so I went and looked and you weren 't there , " she said . " Ed , sweetie , I didn 't see a soul , " she said . " I walked around a little then I came back to the well . I was worried about you . " She felt his head . " You 're pretty warm , maybe . Do you want your water ? " She held out the half empty bottle and he recoiled slightly . " What 's wrong ? You left this on the well . " She laughed . " Your baby ? Now I know there 's something wrong with you . " Dina took the bottle and he gave her the keys . They got in the car and he put the seat back a little . " Shh , " Dina said , rubbing his chest . He relaxed , feeling the movements as Dina sped up . She was taking the freeway home , the windows rolled up and then she turned on some music . This time he wasn 't sure if he was awake or dreaming and tried to decide . The woman laughed at him again but then there was Dina 's music again . He was drifting in and out of sleep . He heard something unzipping and a soft sigh . There was a very quiet moan . He opened his eyes slightly , afraid of what he might see . It was Dina was beside him , not the woman . She made a small noise , almost like she was in pain . She was biting her lip . He felt a wave of love and tenderness , she was so worried she was crying ? He was about to reach out to put his hand on her shoulder but … Ed looked down and saw that her shorts were open . Her hand was in her panties . The wet sound got faster . Like it had with him . He wanted to watch , to hear what she said but the darkness was coming up to claim him again . He followed her inside , watching her ass the same way he 'd watched Aka 's . He had a sudden wave of anger . If he 'd known Dina was going to get into it , he would 've fucked the hell out of the black haired woman . Then Dina could watch him have a good time . She unlocked the door and held it open for him , smiling at him and touching his face as he came in . The anger dissolved . She wouldn 't do that to him , this was Dina . He was hers , she was his . " Maybe it was heat exhaustion , " she said . " That 's why you 're so tired . I 'm going to get you some water , be right back . " Ed pulled his shirt off and flopped back onto the bed . He held up his hand and watched it tremble . Some sort of hallucination from heat stroke . Had it been that hot ? Iraq was much hotter than Ohio . " Here , " Dina said , putting the water on the table beside the bed . She sat on the edge next to him , putting her hand on his cheek . " You 're cooling down I think . Your sleep schedule is all screwy and we were up late last night . I know you were pushing yourself hard over there . So just relax and rest . I 'm going to do some stuff downstairs and then I 'll come up and we can watch some TV , okay ? " As he fell asleep there was a little voice telling him she 'd never said she hadn 't had her fingers in her panties . And if she lied about that who knew what else there was . The voice was irritatingly gleeful as he fell into darkness again . " You 're welcome but I 'm mad at you . You scared the everloving shit out of me today . You 're going to the hospital next time something like that happens . I won 't lose you . " " You better call me ma ' am , if you know what 's good for you , " Dina said . She took off her shorts and sat on the edge of the bed . " Move over , I want to lay by you . " She turned on the TV , playing the movie they always watched in bed , just nature scenes and music . Ed sighed and leaned back against the pillows . He still felt like he 'd busted ass all day but this was nice . Dina took his hand and laced her fingers through his . " I 'm mad at you because I 'm scared . You 're mine and I love you , " she finally said . " I want to know what happened , what you saw . I 've never seen you scared , not once . What was the man doing ? You didn 't say , just that I was there . Then you ask me if I was getting off in the car . What happened out there ? I want you to tell me all of it , about the woman and the man . What happened that was so bad ? " Ed 's eyes opened in the darkness , something was under the sheets sliding over his cock . His stomach was tight with fear , he couldn 't hardly breathe as he carefully reached down . He let his breath out in relief when he felt Dina 's long hair in his hands . He 'd been afraid it would be short and spiky . Dina moaned , her mouth moving over his cock . Ed glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was after two . Dina was crawling up his body , giving his nipples little bites as she went by . She moaned happily as she took his cock and put it inside of her , sitting up in the dim light . " See ? You have such a filthy mind . " She rolled her hips and Ed grabbed her ass pulling her onto him . She moaned quietly . " Tell me what happened . " " Good . " Dina lifted herself almost all the way off of him and moaned as she slid back down . " What was he doing while I rode him ? " " Oh fuck ! I 'm going to cum right now , " Dina suddenly moaned , sitting up and leaning backwards on her hands . " I 'm cumming baby , keep fucking me ! Go faster , please fuck me hard and fast … " her pleas turned into a long loud moan and Dina 's back arched as she sat all the way down on him , thrusting her hips against him and moaning . Ed wanted to enjoy it but couldn 't forget her on top of him back there in the forest . Dina 's body relaxed and she shivered . She laid on his chest and kissed him , " You thought it really happened , huh ? That 's why you thought I was masturbating in the car ? " " Do you want me to talk dirty for you ? " she whispered . " I 'll do it , I want your cum in me , Ed . I want you to take that beautiful hard cock and shove it into my wet little pussy . I want you to fuck me nice and deep and pump me full of cum . " " Fuck me just like that baby , I want you to cum nice and deep . You know what I thought about while you were gone ? When you cum in my mouth . I love feeling you shoot right on my tongue . I 'm so dirty , letting you do that but it makes me so horny when I swallow . Tomorrow , I 'm going to make you shoot in my mouth . " " It 's okay , Eddie . Just tell me , do you like the thought of someone else 's cock inside me ? It 's normal , you can tell me . Did you like it when I screamed for his cum ? " Ed stared at her and she smiled up at him . " Relax , lots of guys think about that . I 'm just curious . Did you like watching me take that cock ? Did you like watching me be a little slut ? " She squeezed again . She giggled and it turned into a moan . " Oh baby , fuck me deep like that . Cum inside me , I want you to shove it all the way up in me and let go , I want you to put a baby in there . Would you like that ? " Ed began to thrust hard up into her and she cried out when he began to cum . She wrapped her legs tight against him , lifting her hips into his thrusting cock until he was spent . Ed started to get up but she pulled him on top of her , milking his cock through one more orgasm . When her breathing slowed back down , Dina stretched underneath him , hugging him tightly to her . " That was really good , " she said . " I think you mighta just knocked me up . " Dina eventually curled up beside him , her breathing deepening and slowing as she fell asleep . Ed finally reached over and turned on the small lamp beside the bed . Dina muttered and turned over . What was going on , had he hallucinated the entire thing ? He was wide awake now , his mind racing . Ed got out of bed and pulled a pair of shorts on . Dina muttered something and Ed smiled . She was always talking in her sleep , usually it was something pretty funny . Ed sat on the floor beside the bed for a while , listening to Dina breath , waiting for her to say something . Eventually he gave up and went downstairs . There was no way he was sleeping tonight with his heart pounding like this . He got a glass of water and drank it standing at the sink and staring out the kitchen window . A breeze came through the window and dried the sweat on his chest . The leaves outside were dancing on the night wind . It was one of the things he missed when he was away , the breezes here on summer nights . Now he was here and but couldn 't make himself enjoy it . He didn 't know if he wanted to know or not . After a few minutes he gave up and took his cellphone out to the back steps . Ed sighed , looking up at the stars . Just once he 'd like to have a simple problem . He pushed Andy 's speed dial . He sat on the stairs listening to the crickets and frogs and watching the stars while he waited to get sleepy . Beside him , the phone buzzed . Someone had texted him . The number wasn 't familiar but it had the Dubai country code . Willy Johnson had started calling him Mr . Ed . Then Willy told Tommy they made the horse talk with peanut butter and that was that , he was PB . Goofy ass name , but that was Tommy . He logged into the gmail account Andy had made them all set up the first time they 'd had time off . It was a way to contact each other if they got robbed or ended up in jail . Wolfton didn 't officially know anything about it but they could quietly fix most problems . Ed opened gmail and logged in . There was a long list of spam and at the top , a message from HonkytonkCav8088 : No names PB . I don 't know what that thing was or why it was so important but the natives are losing their shit over this . No one can figure out who Freptar is . One of the old guys started babbling something when he heard that name . The other ones shushed him pretty fast . The guy kept repeating something , over and over . Al ' asraa , it means ' prisoners . ' Everyone in town is acting kind of strange , but nothing new . Our Baptist had a lady friend , she came by to see if he was okay . She didn 't seem surprised he was dead . She said he was talking to people who weren 't there , kept raving about green mountains . Ring any bells for you ? No one here has a clue or they 're not saying if they do . Did you get a sniff of this on your end ? The next day was Sunday and for once Dina didn 't bug him about getting up and going to church . When he woke up around ten , she wasn 't around at all . He went downstairs and saw her car was gone . He didn 't see a note and when he tried to call her phone , he heard it ringing on the coffee table . That wasn 't like her at all . Something in her past had made her really careful about always being able to reach him . Maybe she just got used to him being gone . Ed got cleaned up and wandered around the house for a while . It was almost one when he put on his boots and went for a long walk in the National Forest behind their house . He didn 't bother taking his phone . " It 's not okay ! " she snapped and stormed out of the kitchen . Ed shook his head and picked up the pieces of broken plate and threw them away before going into the living room . Dina was sitting on the couch , glaring out the window . " Dina , you do what you want . I never asked you to check in , I just asked a question . " Ed got up and went back out to the kitchen . He shook his head , going through his bag for the Kindle . He didn 't remember her PMS being anything like this . In fact , he 'd never seen her act like this at all . He took off his boots and laid down on the bed . Dina was thumping around downstairs and he heard another dish break . It was getting on his nerves but he was used to worse . Ed went back to reading . He could feel her staring at him but she finally went downstairs . It was quiet and Ed 's eyelids were getting heavy . He put the reader down and closed his eyes for a nap . She unzipped and unbuttoned her shorts , letting them fall on the floor , " I 'm not . You 're the one acting weird . Why don 't you want to fuck ? " " You said you liked it when I talked dirty . " Dina took off her bra and panties and looked at him . " Are you gonna fuck me or not ? " " Fine , be a bitch , " she said . " I 'll go get myself off . I guess you can 't get it up anymore unless you 're thinking about someone else fucking me ? Maybe I should go find a real man . " Ed 's temper had gotten to the breaking point but he kept his voice calm . " You do what you want . Just make sure to pack up your stuff first , you won 't be living in my house anymore . " Dina 's mouth snapped shut and she looked shocked as he got up and walked past her and went downstairs . Ed went outside , closing the door carefully behind him and walked out to chop some wood . He was on the fourth round when he heard the screen door . He paid attention to what he was doing . She was standing by the stacked firewood looking down , " I 'm sorry , I don 't know what 's with me . I felt weird when I woke up this morning . I went in to the bakery to get us breakfast but I got so mad when I was driving there . I drove around for a while and I felt better when I got back . Then I saw you were gone and I got mad all over again . I love you , I don 't know what 's wrong with me . " He put his arms around her as she started to cry . " Maybe you 've got a bug , or you 're not used to me being around the place suddenly . Are you feeling okay ? " Dina was almost immediately asleep when her head hit the pillow . He took water in three times and each time she 'd woken up long enough to drink the entire thing . Then she was almost instantly asleep again . Ed checked her temperature . Was she going through the same thing he gotten hit with the other day ? Maybe he had hallucinated the whole thing . She got even wilder in bed this time . Ed wondered about it but wasn 't about to complain , they were having a great time together . He took her out for dinner that night to celebrate . She 'd been yawning all the way home and had gone right to bed . Ed was too excited to sleep , thinking about the baby . He got out the ring , he 'd ask her tomorrow . His mind was racing while he waited for her to talk again . Patience and impatience . ' He 's so impatient ' That was twice now Dina had said it . Being sick or not , he was starting to believe it had been her screwing whatever that was , not an illusion . So , did they make her forget or was she lying to him ? Whose child was that inside of her ? He was exhausted the next morning and Dina didn 't make his life any easier . She was already rearranging the house in her head , asking him endless questions about colors and furniture . Ed did his best to keep up but soon she was screaming at him again . Then after lunch she apologized and was fine again . He made dinner that night and she started screaming something about garlic before throwing the plateful of food at his head and storming up to the bedroom . Ed had cleaned the mess up and followed her , but she 'd locked the bedroom door . The next morning started the whole rollercoaster over again . It didn 't matter what he did , she was either bawling and apologizing , or screaming like a banshee . He finally resorted to the internet , trying to find out if her hormones could be this out of whack . No clear answer without asking her a bunch of questions and he knew better than to try that right now . She yelled at him before dinner and then apologized as they sat down . Ed was pretty sure he 'd end up at the VA in a padded room after nine months of this . " I 'm going to take a walk after dinner , would you like to come ? " he asked her at dinner . Dina said she 'd stay close to the house . He was sure to take his phone that time . When he came back a few hours later , Dina was already in their room . He called a hello up the stairs and went out on the porch to read . She laughed several times and Ed smiled . He liked that sound . Maybe everything would be okay . He heard her walk across the floor , but it sounded like two people up there . He put the book down and glanced in the driveway . Just their cars here . Ed shook his head and sat back down . The bedroom windows were open and he heard Dina moan . It wasn 't pain , maybe she was getting ready for some make - up sex . Ed was happy to oblige in that case and went inside . He was at the bottom of the stairs when he heard Dina talking . Ed thought he heard another voice then , but too low to hear the words . But it didn 't matter what they were . He got his pistol out of the desk and quietly loaded it as he walked to the stairs . She was encouraging whoever it was to fuck her as Ed started up the stairs . She orgasmed when he got to the landing . He waited , listening but then she started moaning again . Ed stepped over the squeaky stair and kept going up . " It 's stretching me so good . Oh GOD ! You pushed it all the way in ! Push it deep , cum in me . " Dina groaned . Ed could hear a rasping breath and he raised the pistol to eye level and kicked the door open . He was through the doorway and looking around the room . It was empty , Dina was alone on the bed . She was laughing hard , pointing at him with one hand while the other stayed busy between her legs . " What the fuck , " Ed said . " What 's wrong with you ? " He was sure someone had been in here , there was a faint smell that he didn 't recognize . Something spicy . Was he even smelling it ? " Aw , Eddie , don 't be like that . I thought it might get you excited , you liked it the other day . Did it work ? You wanna pretend you 're getting sloppy seconds ? " Something broke inside Ed . He 'd had enough . This was over . He grabbed his bag off the floor , glad he hadn 't bothered to unpack yet . He could buy whatever wasn 't in here . He walked out of the bedroom , slamming the door behind him . He ignored the noise , he didn 't have a goddam thing to say to her . Torturing him was fucking funny ? ! He grabbed his truck keys . He shoved the bag against the screen door , pushing it wide . It made a thwack behind him . Dina was still yelling his name , laughing like it was all a big joke . Ed threw his stuff in the back and got in . He turned the truck around . Dina was at the screendoor , watching him . The tires screeched when he turned onto pavement , headed for the freeway . He 'd head south . Smokey Mountains National Park would be good . He 'd stop and get extra camping gear , find a quiet place up in the hills . Then … nothing . Just like Uncle Phil . He came home from Nam different . Ed didn 't remember much about the guy . He was only eight when Phil disappeared . Gone for good into Olympic National Forest . More than his face , Ed could remembered the silence of the guy . Not listening silence , or the silence of a quiet man . It was the silence of the spaces Phil was making between himself and the rest of the human race . He made a place of his own , a place he fit . Ed was following in his footsteps now . Different war , so a different forest . Ed wondered if Phil would be proud of him or just laugh . Ed 's phone had buzzed a few times . Andy was trying to get ahold of him . Ed was sure that Dina was probably bugging Andy to call him , tell him to go back home . No way . Done was done , she could have the house and the rest of it . He was getting gas somewhere in Kentucky when it went off again . " Sounds important . Anyway , I think I 'm finally getting to the bottom of a few things here . I gotta tell you I don 't much like my answers . They brought an old guy to the compound . He said he knew what was happening . Those rocks , they called them sakhrat alssijn , stone prisons . " " Not yet . Listen , they say God made angels and men . But there 's a third group ; djinn . They 're supposed to be made out of fire . We call them genies , but all our stories are wrong , bullshit They 're not some blue Disney cartoon . They 're mean and they don 't like us . " " No , you listen to me , Ed ! You 're not seeing the shit going on here . It 's bad enough we 're evacuating the town now . I can 't talk too long . But this old guy , he thinks a couple of them followed you home . " Andy sighed . " He doesn 't think there 's anything you can do . These djinns live a long time and they 're hard to kill . Listen , I gotta go . I 'm driving the last truck out . I 'll get in touch later , okay ? Stay safe Eddie . Fi Amanullah . " Had Andy lost his shit too ? Had the Company Boys been experimenting on everyone again , exposed them all to some chemical ? Ed tossed the phone back in the truck . That wasn 't what he saw , djinn , genies , whatever , that stuff didn 't happen . It wasn 't real . Real was what you could see and touch . Ed was in a bank the next morning , arranging for a monthly draft to start going to Dina . Then to a lawyer 's office . He paid too much to have a registered letter sent , telling her she was getting money and the use of the house until the kid was eighteen . The money would be more than enough to keep them both going . That took care of his responsibility , if it was really his kid . But she could play house with whoever she wanted on his dime . He just didn 't care anymore . He bought some food and topo maps of the park in the town outside the gate . He found the remotest part he could and drove out there . He got out of the truck and looked around . It was completely silent , not even an airplane . The trees rustled down the slope and a wind blew past him . That was enough of a sign for him . He loaded up his pack and took the sparkplugs for the truck before locking up . A few hours later he was headed up the slopes in search of a good campsite . The second hollow he walked through had a nice spot , sheltered from the wind . There was a spring too , a tiny pool with achingly cold sweet water . The water had worn a basin into the rock around it and a steady flow fell out of it into a tiny pool below . This was the spot . He patted the rock , saying thank you and got to work setting up camp . The next day he started a routine . He turned on his phone in the morning and checked for messages . Andy wasn 't back in touch yet . On the other hand , Dina sent a steady stream that he deleted without reading . He wasn 't interested in anything she had to say . When he was done with that , he ate and then spent the rest of the day taking a long hike . He stopped for lunch and spent a few ours reading before hiking back to camp for dinner and sleep . Mostly he concentrated on keeping his mind quiet . Ten days later Ed headed back to the truck . His phone and kindle were both dead and he wanted a few things from town . He plugged the phone into the charger and waited for it to turn on . Dina had called a bunch of times , he deleted the messages . No way . He did not want to hear it . She 'd also sent a lot of email for the past couple of days and he deleted that without opening any . Ed didn 't want to read anything she had to say either . Deep down , he didn 't know if he could face Dina begging him to come back . Or telling him to stay away . He didn 't have a clue which would be better . The phone bonged and another email from Dina appeared . Ed frowned and was about to delete it but then he noticed a couple of hikers coming out of the woods . He got out and put his pack in the back of the truck as they walked over . They put their packs with his and crowded into the cab . The introduced themselves as Mick and Lela . Ed had thought they were kids at first but they were older , around his age . They both talked a lot , but he enjoyed it . It was nice hearing other voices , especially as much as these two laughed . Ed went in and bought supplies and was back pretty quickly . He grabbed his phone and sat on the tailgate . It was still just the single message . The subject line was blank this time . He stared at it , knowing he should delete it , like all the others . He also knew he 'd read it . Ed sighed and opened it . It was just one line . He shouldn 't have done it . Just those two sentences and he was destroyed . He couldn 't see through the tears , could barely breathe with the pain in his chest . He dropped the phone and stumbled to the front . He fumbled for the handle , then there was a soft strong hand covering his . Ed didn 't want to at first but she squeezed his hand and smiled at him . He started with a few sentences about the last few weeks . But Lela kept asking gentle questions , drawing more and more of the story out of him . Finally , he was telling them about the well and the woman and man . He knew he sounded insane but neither of them laughed or even smiled . They just nodded as though they heard that kind of thing every day . " That smells so good , " Lela said . He handed her one and she lit it . Neither of them put it in their mouths , just smelled the smoke every so often . " That you 've been Outer , right , " Mick said . " It 's outside of what you can usually sense . Kind of a rough place for people , sounds like you came through pretty well . " " Who are you two , really ? You 're not one of … " Ed 's voice trailed off . He didn 't know what to call them . " That depends on how you look at things , " Lela said . " They 've got their names and places , we 've got our own . Who am I really ? " She laughed and it sounded almost like running water . " Some of your brothers and sisters call me Lelawala . " " We 've both been watching since you arrived . We wondered why you felt so twisted . But a new child and battling the Outer kind ? No wonder ! " " Shh , " she said , putting her finger over his mouth . " Someone locked them in a prison for thousands of years , kept them from going home . They 're hurt and angry and probably crazy . It 's not all that comfortable here for us , but being trapped here for that long ? Horrible . It will take them some time to start thinking again after all that torture . " " Still , we take care of our own , " Mick said , shrugging his pack on . " So I 'll tell you what you need to hear . You 're strong enough to fight them or to try to make peace . It 's up to you but now is the time to decide . I don 't know what 'll come next for you but I know your heart is crying out for its mate and hers cries out just as loudly . " Ed finally nodded . He went through the boxes of stuff he 'd bought and got out the cigars and whiskey . He threw in the jerky and carried the box to the edge of the forest . In a hot dusty room , a red - haired man in a cowboy hat sighed tiredly as he sat down . He 'd never complain about being bored again , not after the last few days . He opened his email and there was one message . Andy , your intel was confirmed . I 'm going back home and standing my ground . I don 't know what 's going to happen next . No one ever does , but I didn 't want to just disappear on you . I just got off the freeway , I 'm waiting for my coffee . A few miles from here is a flashing light . That 's the road that takes me home . I decided to go back because Dina sent me a message ; I 'm not sure if she meant her and the baby , or her and something we can 't understand . But I 'm not too worried and I 'll know for sure in a little bit . Maybe you 're wondering why I 'd risk this , why I 'd go solo and head - on . I 've been wondering the same thing myself since I started back . Turns out it 's one of those simple answers : I 'm hers , and she 's mine . Maybe we never got in front of a preacher to say it , but it 's always been for better and for worse with us . If this has all been in my head , I 'm glad to know you 're okay . But if I 'm headed into the dark , well it don 't mean nothing boss . I 'll be there for her and the kid until the very end , whenever that comes . Better and worse , right ? You can 't choose one or the other . I can 't say if you 'll hear from me again but it 's been a privilege and honor serving with you . I 've been very fortunate to count you among my friends . The pickup crunched up the long gravel driveway and stopped next to the barn . He sat there for a few minutes , not sure what came next . He heard the thwack of the screen door and there she was , walking down the porch steps . He got out of the truck and waited , watching her walk toward him . She was so beautiful . He followed her up the stairs and the screen door closed behind them . A little while later the lights went out . Then there were only crickets making their usual racket . You probably don 't want to know . Seriously . This writing thing , it 's not as glamorous as you might think . View all posts by jetermissing Author jetermissingPosted on March 31 , 2017Categories Full story , NSFW , Uncategorized Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here . . . |
Since the invention of the Internet , life changed for most people . It got to a point where almost everyone I knew wanted a computer . We finally joined the computer generation a couple of years ago and broke down and bought one . At the beginning , it was the new toy in the house . Deb , my wife would use it for e - mail and games . The kids , Kyle and Kayla , used it for games and some homework assignments . Me , I used it to search the web and look for porno . That 's what I did with a lot of my late nights after work . I worked the second shift and got off work from the factory at midnight . I didn 't want to go to the bars like a lot of the guys ; after all , I was married . So , I always headed for home . Everyone was sleeping , so I went on the computer . After awhile it was all the same stuff and became old . I really didn 't become addicted like I hear a lot of people do . I went to these story sites and read stories about everything you can imagine . I couldn 't believe most of what I was reading . Did people really do these things or were they just fantasies ? I found myself caught up in cheating wives stories , all these women cheating on their husbands . It 's kind of hard to believe but it does put thoughts in your head . So , now here I was kind of watching my wife 's actions . When we went out , I would mention to her about dancing too close or being too nice to different guys . We would actually argue about it . I knew she was a good looking woman but I had really no reason to distrust her . I found myself looking in the clothes hamper or looking at our e - mails . Just so stupid what comes to mind after reading these stories . I started reading less and less but a lot of the thoughts were still there . I remember reading about men finding their wife with another man and standing there and watching them . I had to ask myself , " Would that actually be a turn - on catching your spouse with another person ? " I kept thinking about it and , with my jealous attitude , I didn 't feel it would be a turn - on to me . I told Deb about these thoughts and she asked me why I would even think about things like that . She didn 't want any other man but me . I met Deb when we were in our twenties . It was at her sister 's wedding . We danced and became good friends after that . She told me she was a school teacher and I told her which factory I worked at . We started dating and were married about a year later . The following year we had Kyle and two years after that Kayla was born . Deb 's sister Sandy was a wild one whom I met years before at school . We didn 't date but she was pretty much a slut . I guess I shouldn 't say that or I would be considered a slut too . I was rather wild in my day too . She would have sex with just about anyone . As far as I know , almost every guy on our football team had been with her . I was part of an after - the - game gangbang that she was at . No one forced her and she had done it more than once . She and one of her girlfriends , Ann , would have sex with almost everyone at the drop of a pair of pants . I knew her husband , Bob , from work . He was one of the supervisors on the day shift . He has since been transferred to another of our plants . He was about as wild as Sandy . He was the one who invited me to their wedding . I didn 't much care for Bob because I knew the kind of guy he was . I liked him even less when I thought he was trying to hit on Deb after we got married . She told me that she thought he was just being nice since he was our brother - in - law but I knew better . I told her if he ever tried anything with her to let me know and I would knock him on his ass . She told me to lighten up ; she was mine and only mine . When Kyle was eight and Kayla was six , they were both in school and Deb and I were getting along pretty well except for arguments that everyone has . We didn 't get to see enough of each other , being on different shifts . I was alone during the day and she was alone with the kids at night . It was not the greatest situation for a marriage , but that was the way it was . One day , as Deb was getting ready for work , she asked me if I could stop by her sister Sandy 's and fix her plumbing . Her kitchen sink was leaking and Bob was useless as a handy man . I laughed when she said the word plumbing and she quickly said , " The sink 's plumbing , not my sister 's . If you ever try fixing hers , you 'll be sorry . " I told Deb I would stop by on my way to work and fix it before going in . She kissed me and then headed out with the kids to school . I couldn 't help think about Sandy . I knew , from what Bob told me , that they were probably swingers . They didn 't have any kids because Sandy always said it would ruin her figure . She did have a pretty good one but wasn 't any better than Deb 's and Deb had two kids . Sandy has always tried to come on to me . I did my best to just kid around with her . She looked good but wasn 't worth losing my marriage over . I remember her telling me that someday it was going to happen . Sandy worked as a part - time cashier at one of the local grocery stores . She had the day off , knowing I would be by to fix the plumbing . When I got there , she had on a sexy robe . She offered me a cup of coffee and we talked for a few minutes before she showed me the sink . I could tell it was just clogged as I removed everything from under the sink so I could take the trap apart . Her husband surely could have fixed this . He probably didn 't even try . I was on back with my head under the cabinet putting the trap back in . She had put too many egg shells and potato peels in the disposal and it clogged the drain . As I was putting it back together , she stood straddling me so I could glance up her robe . She didn 't have any panties on and said she wanted me to fuck her . I have to admit that the sight was great . Seeing a woman 's privates is definitely a turn on . I could feel myself getting hard as I looked up under her nightgown and robe . " No , Sandy . I can 't do this . Deb is your sister and I love her . I won 't cheat on her , especially with her sister . " " Sandy , please ! I love Deb ; she doesn 't know about our past together unless you told her . You 're a beautiful woman but I love Deb . " " You foolish , foolish man . Either you fuck me or I 'll tell Deb that you did anyway . She 'll believe me ; after all , I 'm her sister . " Sandy laughed . " The prissy little sister of mine thinks she 's a goody two shoes . Well , we 'll see how she reacts when I tell her about you fucking me . " " Sandy , don 't do this . I 'm not having sex with you and I 'll tell Deb about us in high school . I know she 'll understand . " I grabbed my tools and told her that her damn sink was done . I jumped in my truck and headed to work . My head was spinning . Would Sandy make up a story and lie to Deb ? When I got to work , I called Deb but she wasn 't home yet . I left a message , " Deb , I love you and have something to tell you about your sister when I get home tonight . " I went ahead and started doing my job . It was hard concentrating with this shit going through my mind . It started off as a normal day , just like any other day , but now it was all mixed up . I called home again around six but no one answered . I called Deb 's mom and asked if she knew where Deb was . " She went out with Sandy and Bob . I have the kids here . Deb asked if I could watch them for a few hours while they went out . I told her I would just keep them for the night . I love having them here . Is there something the matter , Ray ? " " No , everything 's fine . If you see her , tell her I love her and will see her tonight . I have to get back to work . " It was one of the longest nights in history for me . I knew I had to tell Deb about me and her sister . Hell , it was before I even met Deb . I 'm sure she would understand . Finally my day was over and I headed home . I pulled in front of the house and saw there was a car in the driveway . I knew it was Sandy 's . I guess it was time to face the music . I went to open the door and it was locked . I took out my key and couldn 't believe what I saw . There in my living room was my wife , Bob and Sandy . Sandy was sitting on my couch holding Deb 's hand . Bob was pulling up his pants ; my beautiful wife was on the couch with her legs spread wide open and Bob 's cum dripping out of her pussy . Everyone was startled as I opened the door . Sandy had a smile on her face and Bob had a shit eating grin on his . My wife Debbie looked half scared and drunk . Now I had to face reality . I don 't know about the guys in the stories I read but I did not have a hard - on . I did not like seeing my wife in this position . I was stark raving mad as I ran over to Bob and hit him as hard as I could . I knocked him down and started beating on him . Behind me I heard screaming . I didn 't know if it was Deb or Sandy . I must have hit Bob a good five times before I felt a thud on the back of my head . When I woke up , I was in the hospital . " Slow down there , Mr . Harper . You have a concussion from being hit over the head with a glass vase . It seems you got into a fight at your house and the police were called . You were to be charged with assault but the charges were dropped . You 're a very lucky man . You could have gone to prison for as much as eighteen months . " " According to the witnesses , you came home and started a fight with your brother - in - law . In order to get you to stop , his wife hit you over the head with the vase . You were only hit once and it was to stop the fight . You should thank them for dropping the charges . " " When we arrived , your wife was busy throwing up . Your sister - in - law said she had too much to drink and you got mad at her and , when you went toward her , your brother - in - law stopped you and you starting fighting with him . All he did was try and protect himself . When we talked to your wife , she said she hardly remembered anything but you screaming at her . " " I have nothing to say . " I wasn 't about to tell the world that I caught my wife screwing another man . I just laid there and said nothing . " Okay , then , have it your way . According to the doctor you will have to be here till tomorrow . I suggest you think about what you did and thank God that no charges were filed . You 're a very lucky man , Mr . Harper . " The officer left and I laid there with a terrible headache . What was I going to do next ? I knew I couldn 't live with a cheating wife , but I had to know why she did it . I called my sister to come pick me up the next morning . I didn 't have any way to get to my house and I sure the hell didn 't want Debbie picking me up . While I was waiting for Amy , my sister , to come , the phone rang . It was Deb . " Even ? What the hell are you talking about ? You fucked Bob and say we 're even . I have Amy coming to pick me up . I just want to get a few of my things and I 'll be leaving . " I hung up the phone and waited for Amy . She showed up a few minutes later and we headed to my house . I asked Amy to wait in the car . I knew she liked Deb and I didn 't want her to be in the middle . I knocked on the door and Deb opened it . I asked where the kids were and she told me they were still at her mom 's . I spoke first . " I did no such thing . That 's why I left the message . I went to Sandy 's and fixed her plumbing . She started coming on to me and I told her ' No ' but she kept pushing the issue . She told me she would tell you that she had sex with me even though she didn 't . " " She 's jealous of our marriage . She wanted to see if she could break us up and it looks like she succeeded . Why do you think she sat there and let Bob fuck you ? They 're swingers and wanted to involve you so you would fuck Bob . It looks like they both got what they wanted . You let Bob fuck you and our marriage is dead . " " No , it 's not true . I did it to get even with you . You raped my sister and I had sex with Bob to get even with you . Sandy even knew you were not circumcised and about the mole on your upper thigh . " " Your sister is a fucking slut . The reason she knew that was because I fucked her in high school , along with every other guy . She would put out for any guy , usually more than one at a time . I never told you because I fell in love with you and didn 't want to lose you . Then you said we would never talk about our past relationships and I put it all behind me . " " . . . and I 'm your husband . You couldn 't even wait to ask me or call me about it . Instead you let Bob fuck you . Do you really think that would solve the problem if I raped your sister ? You must have wanted him awfully bad to let them talk you into it . " " I don 't give a rat 's ass what your whore of a sister said . It 's not only you letting another man fuck you . It 's the not respecting me or trusting me to at least let me hear the charges against me . If I raped her , then why didn 't she call the cops ? " " She didn 't have any problem hitting me over the head and calling the police here last night . The reason she didn 't scream rape was because it never happened . You go right the fuck ahead and believe who you want , but this marriage is over . Why would you want to live with a rapist ? No , you wanted to let Bob fuck you and use me for an excuse . " " You better look up the word love . It doesn 't include fucking other men . I 'm going to get a few of my things and I 'll come back next week for more stuff while you 're not home . I 'll see a lawyer first thing Monday and get the divorce started . " " Ray , wait ! This isn 't how it was supposed to happen . Sandy said she forgave you and you would forgive me . I was just getting even with you . " " Tell them whatever the fuck you want . Tell them I raped your sister and that you 're a fucking slut . I don 't give a damn . I don 't want to see you again . I 'll set up visitation with the lawyer and Amy can pick up the kids for me to see . I don 't ever want to talk to you again . " I opened the door and walked out . Amy took me to a cheap motel until I could find somewhere else to go . I told Amy the whole story on my way to the motel . She was my sister and best friend . She knew I was telling the truth . I knew she would help keep an eye on Deb and the kids . The weeks passed and were really hard on me . I worked all the overtime I could since I had more expenses to pay . I found a cheap boarding house that I rented by the week . I ate most of my meals at the bar or the corner diner . I did see the lawyer and since I didn 't have proof of anything , I just asked for a dissolution of our marriage . He told me that Debbie didn 't want one but would go along with whatever I wanted . Everything was split pretty much fifty - fifty . We were renting the house so she just took over the payment . Our savings were divided down the middle and she had to give me half the worth of our belongings . I had to pay child support which I really didn 't mind . I love my kids and missed them terribly . The problem was I also missed Debbie but I knew we were finished . I went to whatever school functions I could that didn 't interfere with my job . Both of our kids had birthday parties and I went to them as long as I didn 't have to be around Debbie 's family . I talked civilly to Deb but whenever she wanted to talk about us , I walked away . I saw my kids every other weekend and once in a while during the week , depending on my work schedule . Deb must have called me almost every day following , right up to the divorce . If she wanted to talk about the kids or household things , I listened . When she wanted to talk about us , I hung up . I stopped by my sister 's for dinner one day and played with my kids . Amy said that Sandy was still sticking by her story about me forcing sex on her . She told me Deb was really torn between what Sandy said , and what I said . I tried to explain to Amy that I had no proof of anything and neither did Sandy . It was just my word against hers , and Debbie believed her . That hurt more than anything . One afternoon while I was at my apartment my phone rang . It was the school . They told me that Kyle wasn 't feeling well and asked if I could pick him up . Of course I said yes and went and got him . He had a cold and was coughing . Debbie taught at the middle school and I called her to let her know I was picking up Kyle . She said she would be home as soon as she could . I took Kyle home , laid him on his bed , and took his temperature . He had a slight fever but nothing bad . About an hour later , Deb came home with Kayla . She went in quickly to see how Kyle was doing . While she went in to see him , the phone rang . I wasn 't thinking when I answered it out of habit . It was Sandy . " Well , if it isn 't the fucking liar . Kyle was sick and I brought him home . Don 't worry ; you broke up this fucking marriage . " " Listen , Ray , it just got out of hand . You knew we were swingers and Bob wanted to try out my little sister . If you would have had sex with me like I asked , it never would have gotten out of hand . But , no , you come home and start fighting . " " Problem is , Ray , you can 't prove it . I told you from the beginning she would believe me over you and now you know . Anytime you need a fuck , give me a call . Tell Deb to give me a call later . Hope my nephew gets to feeling better . " She hung up and I turned off the recorder . " I recorded her message and she said to call her back . Well , I 'll see you in court Thursday . I guess we can call it freedom day . Don 't forget to listen to the message , " I said as I went to my truck . After about five minutes , my cell phone began to ring over and over again . She must have called me ten times before I got home . When I got home my phone was ringing . I finally picked it up . " Well , that 's good to hear , but it doesn 't change anything in my mind . You fucked Bob and didn 't even give me a chance to explain . After I told you the truth , you still picked your sister 's story thinking I was a rapist . I have one thing to say to you : I loved you and probably always will , but I also hate you for what you did to our family and the distrust you have had in me . " On Thursday , I took the next two days off work . I went to my lawyer 's office and signed my name to the dissolution . I wanted to be gone before Deb came in . I was extremely depressed as I headed over to the neighborhood bar . I was putting the drinks away pretty good when I looked back and saw Bob come in . He didn 't notice me as I came up to him from the side and cold cocked him . As he went down , I hit him again and again . I stood up and started kicking him until he was a mass lying there on the floor . I bent down to hit him some more when three guys pulled me off of him . I remembered saying , " You fucking son - of - a - bitch . I 'll fucking kill you for what you did to my family . I hope you die in hell , " as I kept kicking him till I was pulled off of him . The police laid me on the floor and put handcuffs on me and led me to the squad car . This time I was taken to jail . I was allowed one phone call and I called my sister , Amy . I told her what I did and that she was not to post any bail money . It would be too expensive and I was going to serve my sentence . She cried as I hung up the phone . Debbie came to the jail to see me but I refused to see her . It was almost two months before my case went to court . I was charged with assault and pleaded guilty . I got two years minus time served . I told Amy to take my few belongings and store them in her basement for me . She told me that Debbie was really feeling badly and wanted to see me . I told her I didn 't want to see her . " I know you don 't want to hear this but Deb really loves you . Her family is all mad at what Sandy said about you . Something else you should know . Debbie never showed up to sign the divorce decree , so you are going to prison a married man . " I went to prison and it 's not the kind of place you would want to live . It was like another world . I was getting in fights constantly . I had to prove myself to about every group there . I was nobody 's patsy . My cell mate ended up being a lifer who went by the name of Killer . I guess he went home one day and saw his wife fucking another man and stabbed them both to death . According to the papers , Killer stabbed them upward of eighty times . He was a little hard to get to know . He had killed another inmate the year before after the inmate started a fight with him . I tried to keep to myself as much as possible but other inmates had to keep trying me . I was put in the infirmary twice in the first two months for cuts . I had fights almost daily . I guess I paid my dues because I wasn 't bothered quite as often after that . In fact Killer even started to talk to me . " What are you doing here ? " I asked . She looked so nice and pretty . I actually wished I could hug her but I played the mean Ray . " Ray , I love you and made a lot of mistakes . I brought you pictures from the kids . They miss you so much , and so do I . " Tears were streaming down her face . " Ray , I didn 't sign the divorce papers . I will wait for you ; I don 't care how long it takes . I made a terrible , terrible mistake , but I know we can get past it if you still love me . " I didn 't know what to say . Of course I felt I still loved her . I just hated what she did and not believing me . I stood up and walked back to my cell . I left her at the window and didn 't look back . I worked in the kitchen and overheard some conversation about a guy going after Killer for killing his friend . They were going to try and corner him in the lunch room the next evening . There was no one I could tell without being a snitch . I decided to tell Killer . That would make me part of his group . I didn 't want to belong to any groups , but I couldn 't let this man die the next day . Killer wasn 't sure whether to believe me . I told him to believe what he wanted . I didn 't tell the guards and was probably taking a big chance telling him . Killer looked me in the eye . He said you can tell a lot about a man when you stare him in the eyes . He told to me to stay away from him the next day . He would control the situation without anyone knowing I told him about it . I couldn 't believe what he did . He placed two thin hard covered books under his shirt covering his kidneys . He had three of his group sitting behind him at another table . When the prisoner came up behind him and put his arm around Killer 's chest , he jabbed the knife into his kidneys but of course hit the book . The shivs were usually pretty dull . They would penetrate skin but not go completely through the book . Killer 's friends grabbed the inmate and started beating him till the guards got to the table . The prisoner was taken to solitary and Killer sat back down to finish his dinner . I can 't believe how calm he kept through the whole ordeal . After that day , Killer talked to me pretty regularly . When we talked in our cell , he was a different person than he was outside the cell . When outside the cell , he was as hard nosed as possible . Everyone knew he was the leader of his group . He asked me about Debbie and the kids . He told me he had three grown up kids of his own but of course they never came to see him since he killed their mother . He told me his youngest daughter , Angie , was on his side . She knew her mother was the cause of the family 's problems . She wrote to him regularly but he told her not to come and visit . He didn 't want other prisoners to see her and maybe put her in some kind of jeopardy . I could tell he really loved his daughter . He smiled when he told me she was a lawyer . " Why not ? Look where you are now . You 've hit bottom , baby . If there was a woman out there who loved me and said she would wait for me , I 'd be the happiest man alive . " " . . . and I regret it every day of my life . I wish I would have given her a second chance and had my family back . Take it from me , Ray , don 't carry the grudge . It will kill you ever so slowly . " Boy , did he give me something to think about . Was he right ? What would I do when I got out ? I had no job , no future and , right now , no family . " The kids drew you some more pictures . " She put them in a tray and I looked at them . They were all pictures of a dad , mom and two kids . I guess the kids still saw us as a family . " They miss you , Ray . God , I miss you . Will you ever be able to forgive me and we can be a family again ? I promise , I 'll do whatever it takes . I don 't talk to Sandy or Bob anymore after what she did to us . I 'm so sorry for not trusting you . " " Deb , I 've been doing a lot of thinking . I want to forgive you but I don 't know if I can . Seeing you with Bob wasn 't something I can get out of my mind . Did you really like him ? " " No , I hated it . That 's why I threw up . When you walked in , I saw the look on your face and I got sick . I knew I did the wrong thing to get even when I saw you . Of course I can never take it back . God , I wish I could . I would have never done it if I wasn 't so drunk . There is only one man I want and that 's you , Ray , the father of our two kids . A couple of weeks later I had another visitor . Amy came to see me . " Ray , remember I told you that Deb stopped seeing Sandy ? I went by the house and I saw Sandy and Bob going into the house . I don 't know why they were there so I kept on driving . I just thought you should know . " Here I was confused again . Had Deb lied to me again ? I was all ready to forgive her and try to make a life for us again . I know Amy wouldn 't lie to me . I would have to find out why Deb would see Susan and Bob again . It was about a month later when Killer and I were talking and he told me he thought he owed me a favor for what I did for him . He said he was a lawyer before he was in prison and still had a few ties . He was going to see if he could get me out on an early release program . I didn 't know whether to believe him , but he had never lied to me . It may seem odd to say this about a criminal but I respected Killer . I often thought of what a good lawyer he must have been . His speech and stature demanded respect . I knew better than to ask any questions about his statement . I took him for his word . " Mr . Harper , we have a petition for an early release hearing for you . I don 't know who you know but it was suggested we talk with you . After looking at your record , we see you had a rough time getting adjusted for the first few months . Is that correct ? " I had to think quickly . I knew this was a make it or break it question . " Well , Sir , I have a sister who is also my best friend . She and her husband said that when I get released that I could live with them till I could get back on my feet . " " Yes , sir , but we were in the process of a divorce when I was sentenced . As of right now I 'm not sure where we stand on the marriage issue . I 'm just trying to be honest with you . " " You can 't be trusted . You told me you would not see Sandy , but yet she and Bob were at the house . Did you and Bob get it on again ? Is that why you 're worried about an early release ? You tell your fucking lover Bob that when I get out I 'm going to finish the job and if you 're fucking him at the time , I 'll take care of you too . " Deb jumped up and ran out of the visitor 's room . I knew that my thoughts were true . I was all ready to go back into the same damn situation that put me here in the first place . I didn 't have any intention of killing anyone . I just wanted to put a big scare into them . I called my sister Amy and she came down to see me . I told her about the conversation with Deb and she told me how sorry she felt for me . She did tell me the parole board came by her place and she told them I was welcome to stay as long as needed . Her husband Kenny was there and mentioned that I was welcome there . " You won 't . They told me since you have a place to stay and a job lined up you 'll probably be released the first of the month . " She started crying . Amy was right . I got called up and told that I was being released the following week . I was given the name of an attorney who would be handling my case . I was to report to the agency first thing after I got released . I didn 't understand why I would be seeing an attorney instead of a parole officer . I was told that the attorney 's firm was the one that organized my release . They needed to see me and get my forms filed and would explain my parole situation to me and then they would send me to the parole officer . I thanked Killer and he reminded me of the cigarettes . I told him they would be there . To be honest , I don 't know if he had anything to do with my early parole but it was worth a carton of cigarettes a week just to be free . As I walked out the front gate , there stood my sister , Amy , crying . I gave her a hug and a light brotherly kiss . " Welcome back , Bro . " I went to Amy 's and her husband greeted me . I knew I was really welcome there . Of course I asked about Debbie , and Amy told me after I had talked to her at the prison that she contacted a lawyer and signed the final dissolution papers . I knew I had to go see Deb and make arrangements to see my kids . I called over first to make sure she was home . I didn 't want any big surprises and end up back in prison . I tried to explain to her that I was not coming over to cause trouble . We could even talk on the front porch . I just wanted to make arrangements to see my kids regularly . She agreed to see me but she said she would call the police if I started any trouble . |
Today started out as most other days , with a chaotic breakfast . Afterward , I was attempting to take care of a little personal business on the web , when technology decided to find ways of causing frustration . After fighting with it for a little while I decided I 'd had enough and went down stairs to the rest of the family , and Larry ( Monica is here too , but we consider her family ) . Anyway , we decided to go to the beach today , and go visit with Anthony Netto . Anthony was at an event , over by a specialized gym , set up for people who have been , though various means , restricted to life in a wheelchair . The main focus was to introduce them to his Paramobile , and show them some of the possibilities , and from the expressions on their collective faces I 'd have to say it was a very positive effect for many of them ( there were about 12 people there , with their families and support ) . We had the girls there , along with Monica and Larry , and they were having a great time running around and playing with many of the different folks there . I was wearing my Giants shirt and caught a little ribbing from the Padres fans in the group , but it was all in good fun . Once we were done there we headed over to the beach . The only challenge about being at the beach today was that the tide was in , so unless you wanted to really get into the water , you were not going to down to the beach ( sandy area ) . That was okay because there is also a nice park area at the top where the kids could play and run around , while the " older " folks could lay back on the grassy area . Actually Stacy and I did venture out to the water and wanted to just get our feet wet when a wave came in , while my back was turned , and we got a little wetter than originally planned . Stacy had a great time , and so did I . I also took Jackie out , but she was a little nervous of all that water rushing around . By the end of the afternoon both girls were very tired ( so was I ) and on our way back home Jason rode in the van backwards . He was facing the girls , in their car seats , and talked with them all the way home . It was an effort to keep them awake , so we could be sure to have them lay down for a nap , once they got home . Actually , Linda gave Stacy a bath before her nap , and I think it helped Stacy sleep better . Tomorrow we go to church and let the girls experience Sunday School . We think they will have a good time , so we 're looking forward to it . It feels good getting involved again , as that has been a big missing piece for the past year , and it does help all of us . Thank you , for your continued prayers and support - Also , I will probably not be posting for the next couple of days as Linda has told me she is taking me away for a little get - away . I 'm really not sure where it is , but I do know that Spa has been said a couple of times . I 'll be back again , once we get back . . . ; - ) Jason had one appointment today , and wanted to get a hair cut . His appointment was with OT and then it was a matter of working with PT and OT to schedule out the rest of May for the month 's appointments . Once that was done we headed back home . The girls were at daycare so we decided to let them stay there for a little while - Stacy asked to go to see Miss Nancy , and seemed pretty happy to see her once at daycare . After getting back to the house , and making sure that Jason was comfortable I did a quick check on my email and then headed back to pick up the girls . Not too much happen the rest of the day , until Linda and Monica arrived for the weekend . I was very happy to see them , and it is really great that Monica was able to come down with Linda . Linda and I plan to get away for a couple of days , and Monica is going to be filling in for me , with Jason . Jason has known Monica since she was a toddler , enrolled in Linda 's day care , and she has always looked up to Jason as a second big brother . Both the girls already know Monica , since she now works occasionally for Linda , and was there when Stacy and Jackie stayed with Grandma . Its a win - win all the way around . All I have to do is set up the medications for Jason , and show Monica how they are given and when . Today was kind of an exciting day for Jason . He was able to get over to the Urology department and set up an appointment at the same time as his OT appointment . He recognized that he was at the beginning stages of another infection , and it was important to get it taken care of . While he was at Urology I went over to OT and let them know he would not be coming . They were very understanding and wished him well . The appointment at Urology was set up to be 20 to 30 minutes ( actually listed out on his appointment list at 20 minutes ) and we ended up being there for over 90 minutes . They initially had some trouble with the catheter and the doctor had to come in and take care of it ; something that the corpsmen usually handle . Apparently once they had that done there was other examinations that had to take place and this time the medical team came back with a more comprehensive plan on what to do . Jason will be on a two week regimen of another strong antibiotic and then they want him to take a " maintenance " antibiotic on a daily basis , to help insure the infection doesn 't come back . It seems like they really don 't know what is causing it yet , and this should help to control it . This was actually all good news , as far as Jason was concerned because this catheter has been about the biggest challenge Jason has had to deal with , over the past several months . After the appointment , and the picking up of the Rx from the pharmacy we headed back to the house . We had taken the girls over to the day care , since Stacy was asking for it , and at this time we knew the girls were down for their naps . It was after noon , and we were hungry , so we went to Taco Bell . We hadn 't been there is awhile so I was good with it , and Jason wanted some for lunch . By the time we got home it was after 13 : 30 ( 1 : 30pm ) and Jason wanted to lay back down . This actually provided me some time to just relax a bit and catch up on my email and do some reading . Tonight we had a simple dinner of hot dogs and pork and beans and apple sauce . Both Stacy and Jackie were happy with the selection and Jackie was able to put away almost an entire hot dog , by herself . . . she eats like her daddy . The girls were up for a couple of hours longer and then it was time for bed . When I had picked up the girls from the day care they told me that Jackie had not actually had a very good nap today , and now I could tell she was tired . She went down just a little after 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) , and then Stacy went in to see Daddy . Both of the girls were spending more time with him today , and that made me feel pretty good , and then Stacy wanted to have him read her a story . He read the short version of Cinderella . A little while later it was time for Stacy to go to bed , and then Jason put her to bed and then told her another story , and it was a long story . Stacy was very happy to have it happen , and I was probably almost as happy . It made me feel very good that Jason was feeling good enough to spend that much time with her , and I could also tell he was really enjoying it too . Well , that was pretty much the end of the evening and I worked on some laundry and a few other things , and now on the blog . Thank you , for continued support and for all the prayers for Jason . Obviously things are going in the right direction , so we are very pleased with everything . This morning started off a bit better with the fact that there were no appointments to worry about . Unfortunately Jason wasn 't feeling particularly good , due to a number of issues but mostly discomfort . I was concerned for a good portion of the day , but he never seemed to really get to the point where I felt I needed to take him in . He did end up taking a little more pain medication today , and that was the first time he had asked for that in about a month , maybe longer . The biggest help was that it allowed him to sleep a little more , and it apparently got him over the hump . By the end of the day he was feeling much better and even got in a couple of good hugs for his daughters when they went to bed . I read them The Story Of Jesus , and Stacy was very interested in it . Jackie didn 't seem to have the slightest idea of what I was talking about , and I finally had to just put her in her crib so I could finish reading the story to Stacy . Funny thing is , when I did put Jackie in bed , she just laid down and went to sleep - I expected at least some protest . Today , I took the girls over to the play ground area and came across the YMCA group there , that brings toys and building blocks for the children of the military families in the area . Both Stacy and Jackie had a great time , and on top of that , Charlie and his two girls came down too , and all four of them were playing together . There were another six or seven kids there , and some mothers , so there were plenty of kids to make the place look full . We stayed for about an hour or so . I had to get them to stop and sit down for a while , as it was warmer today , and I wanted to be sure they had a snack and drank some water . Then they were off again . Tomorrow we have to go to the hospital again , and we 're going to be talking to other doctors , besides those on the appointment schedule . Especially considering the pain of the past couple of days . Jason will start off with a shower , and I am hoping that , that in itself will make him feel better . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Google has decided that it was time to make changes to their blogging offerings , so today it looks a little different to me , but what the heck , today has been a different kind of day all around . Jason had the laser treatment yesterday , and he was told it would probably feel a bit like a mild sun burn today . Well , the doctor was right , it did feel like a sun burn , only it wasn 't mild . Think of the kind of sun burn where your skin is tender , and it hurts just to put your shirt on . That 's what Jason was trying to sit on , in his chair . As you can imagine , he wasn 't too happy about it . He was up in his chair for about 20 minutes , dealing with the discomfort when I asked him if he would like to just get back in bed and forget his appointments for today . He said he would and I called his section leader and asked him to cancel all his appointments . GySgt Parker is a great guy and said it would be no problem at all , and said to make sure that Jason just stayed down and was comfortable . At about that time the house cleaning service came by and I took the girls down to the park , so they could play and be out of the way of the cleaners . On the walk over to the park I stopped at the Linvilles and asked if their two could come along and so we all ended up down at the part , and the girls were having a great time . A little later we headed back to the house as I could see they were getting tired . Then a little later today I was able to speak with the Ortho doctor , who was looking in to what can be done with the HO and he said that things were looking good as far as being able to help with the effort to remove some of it . The decision is simply , when . Jason and I will be getting with that doctor and some of the others and then make a decision and create a time line as to what is to be done and in what kind of sequence . We 'll be looking at all the risks involved as well as being able to talk to all the key players to help make this as safe and effective for Jason ( Wow , almost sounds like I 'm putting together a project plan for his I spent the day with the girls , and we had a good time . Stacy went to the store with me , after Jackie went down for her nap . We picked up a couple of things we needed at the house and generally had a good time scooting around with the shopping cart . It was one of those that had a " car " attached to the front , so she would feel a little like she was driving through the store . She had a bunch of fun and was laughing most of the time , even started making honking noises when we got around other people . Tonight , after dinner , and after a little clean up , I settled down with the girls and watched Finding Nemo . We didn 't see the entire movie , as it was getting late , so I first put Jackie to bed and then let Stacy stay up about another 20 minutes then she went to bed . It was a nice relaxed way to end the day , but now I have a few more things to do and will probably be up until close to 23 : 00 ( 11pm ) before I get to bed . Tomorrow we have to appointments , so I already know that , and have it planned that way . Thank you , for the prayers and for all the support , and please continue to keep us in your hearts . Jason had a busy day today , even though there was only one appointment for him to go to . Of course this appointment took several hours , and he was in an operating room for a good part of it . He had the laser treatment done again on his wounds and so far it looks like things are going well . The smaller of the two has gone down much more significantly than first anticipated . The larger of the two has reduced also , but not as much . If they can even close one of the two it would be great , and then they could focus on just the one . There is also the continuing issue of the HO ( Hetero - topic Ossification ) , and we still don 't know what is going to happen as a result of that , but that 's to be decided soon - we hope . After his appointment we took the girls to Target , where Jason bought them both a new pair of shoes . Seems the ones they were wearing just don 't fit like they 're supposed to anymore . Seems like Jason is buying new shoes about every six weeks or so . Its like the girls are continuing to grow . Okay , I remember when Jason and his brothers were all smaller and we had to buy shoes for all of them ; and then sports equipment ; and , more shoes and bicycles ; and , more shoes . . . you get the picture . It is one of the many joys of parenting , and I do miss those days . The rest of the week should be relatively easy , with Wednesday being a day with no appointments . We might go do something if Jason is feeling up to it . Then again , we might just stay at home and play around here , and down at the park . Thank you , for all the continued prayers and all the support . Jason and I went to the San Diego Community Presbyterian Church today , and it was great . I was very pleased to see that they have a program that is very similar to the Livermore Presbyterian Church , so we felt totally comfortable , and the people there were very friendly . We met the pastor prior to the service , Rev . John Powell and also a member of the choir , Sumpner ( he didn 't have a name tag on his robe , but that 's how he introduced himself ) , and he was our impromptu guide . We didn 't stay too long after the service though as Jason was feeling a need to get back down , though we did get to speak with a few other members of the congregation . Jason said he would like to bring the girls there next Sunday , since they will be with us again , a little later tonight . Actually , the rest of the day was pretty laid back and restful , just like I was hoping it would be . Larry asked for the day off , and I said that it was fine with me - he has been coming nearly every day since he started , so I didn 't mind . Jason stayed in bed for the most part and I did a little corresponding and catching up on some reading ( Eisenhower The White House Years , by Jim Newton - Good book , even if you 're not into history ) . Tomorrow we have a couple of appointments and then that 's about it . Jason may have an errand or two but the rest of the day will be relaxing with the kids . Thank you for all the support and prayers being sent our way - it is much appreciated . Another laid back Saturday . Jason spent most of the day in bed , and playing his video games or watching T . V . I am so glad that he is aware of the need for him to stay down as much as he can , to help with the healing . I can see it in his eyes that he would like to get out and go do something , but staying down is the best thing for him . Now that I 've said that , he and I will be headed over to the Presbyterian Church tomorrow for the first time . We won 't be out and about any more than we need to , but it just feels like now is the time to go . I really miss going to church , and I think he does too . Not much else going on today other than my bike ride . I did about 15 miles and it was a nice ride . Actually , I 'm not sure if I was just lucky or what , but it seemed that all the people I came across were very friendly . This is in sharp contrast to the last time I went . Most of the folks then were rude , so today was very refreshing . Thank you , for continuing to support us and follow the blog and thanks also for all the prayers . Good night . Today was an interesting day in that Jason had one scheduled appointment that was set for 15 minutes . Yep , 15 minutes and it was the only appointment on the schedule . It was with the Orthopedics team , and since we are working pretty closely with them right now we both considered it to be a very important appointment that we didn 't want to miss . It said to get there 15 minutes early so we could check in and be ready when the appointment was to start . Now , all of that sounds fine so far , and we did get there 15 minutes early . Jason went up to the counter and Larry and I went over and sat down in the waiting area . Jason came on over and we started to talk ; and , we talked for about 30 minutes . I went up and asked if Jason was going to be going in soon and I was told he was going to be next . Then they called two other patients who went in , and that kind of bothered me a little . Jason wanted to pick up a new Rx since we were at the hospital and said I 'm going to get my prescription going , and while he was gone , nothing happened ( fooled you , you thought I was going to say they called his name ) . They didn 't call his name until almost 20 minutes later . We went in and there was the Ortho doc , who knew us and he asked , " Why are you here ? " We replied , " Because Jason was given an appointment to be here . Its on the list , so we come . " He said it didn 't make any sense , since they just did the assessment yesterday there was no reason to have Jason in today . We ended up spending nearly 90 minutes for a 15 minute appointment . The doctor did apologize a couple of times , and you could tell he was a bit embarrassed , though I don 't think he actually had anything to do with it . After that appointment Jason wanted to head over to the Credit Union to check on one of the accounts he has set up for the girls , and we were still able to get back to the house and just before noon . I fixed him and I lunch ( normally Larry fixes his lunch , but I decided to do it , since I was there anyway ) . I made a couple of hamburgers ( cheese burgers actually ) and they came out really good . After he ate he took a little nap and I kind of just relaxed and took the rest of the day off . Not much else happened with Jason , except that we did have a visit from Bob Hammer . He stayed for a short visit and then left . It was nice to see him and it is always good to have company . Not sure what is going to be happening tomorrow . It all really depends on how Jason is feeling . I would like to make a run out to Costco , to pick up a few things , but really not too much . We might get out and go do something else , but right now I am not aware of any other plans . So with that I 'll sign off now and Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . Well , today was the big day , for the Ortho visit , and we did get to see the doctor . I guess he kind of gave us an update , in that he said he didn 't think there was anything more they could do here . He did want to talk with the plastics folks , and I hope that doesn 't take too long , but right now we still don 't know what the next step is going to be . The doctor hinted pretty strongly that he thought that something could be done , at another location , just not here . My guess would be that we will be headed back to Bethesda - BUT THAT IS JUST A GUESS , please don 't be upset if we find out tomorrow ( or Monday ) that something else is going to be done . The challenge with this is that there are so many things going on right now that we would need to make some arrangements for all the other stuff going . There were other appointments today , also , though they were for the regular things that we 've been dealing with , for the past several weeks , mainly PT and OT . Actually I was hoping to take advantage of one of the programs that they offer for the C5 guys and their families , and that is wood working . I want to build a meal tray for Jason , so he can eat comfortable while he is in bed . I don 't think it would be a difficult thing to build , I just need to find the time to get over there and do it . The class is only open on Wednesday , so I 'll have to wait until next week for my next chance . Not much else to talk about right now . I think I 've gotten rid of all the left overs in the refrigerator , and I didn 't have to toss anything out . I 'll be glad when the girls are back - its easier to cook for the four of us than it is for just the two of us . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and all your support . Jason only had two appointments today , and then we went back home . The appointments were for PT and then OT , and they were back - to - back . Funny thing about PT is that the appointment comes up as a 30 minute session , and he usually spends an hour or more there . He is worked pretty good , and the biggest thing they are working on right now is loosening up his shoulder and back muscles . One of the therapists commented that she usually just has to push a little on the guys shoulders to get them to move some , with Jason she is putting her entire weight in the push and it still barely gives . He really needs this attention and treatment . While Jason was getting his treatment I took Tommy , the PT dog , for a walk . Tommy is almost always at PT and frequently is up on the table with Jason or one of the other guys . Most of the folks there say his name should be Eeyore , from Winnie the Pooh because he shows almost no energy at any time . He just walks around with his tail wagging , looking for attention and / or food . After PT Jason went to OT and there the 30 minute session is usually just that , and sometimes less , if they can get everything accomplished . Sometimes there is overlap in what the two ( PT & OT ) do , but Jason still gets a good work out . Once we were done with the appointments we came back to the house and just kicked back for a little while , and then later in the day we went and explored the possible day care areas for the girls . We are hoping that they can get into one of the up coming slots that are now available . We 'll see how that turns out . Jason was particularly impressed with the one center , as it is literally less than a year old and all the equipment still looks very good and has the newness still about it . Once we were done with all the looking around we decided to go out to dinner and used one of the gift cards we have been given . We went to Red Lobster and enjoyed being able to just sit and talk and not have to deal with any outside distractions . Also , most of the time , when the girls are not with us , Jason eats his dinners in bed , so that he doesn 't spend any more time in the chair than he needs to . So , today was the first time we have had dinner together , since about two weeks ago , and I didn 't have to do the cooking . That was the end of the day , and now I 'm getting the last of the blog typed up . Tomorrow is a very big day for us , and we are hoping to hear the results of the big doctor meeting soon afterward . This is the one where they will be discussing what can be done for Jason 's HO and some pain relief . This is definitely something that I would like to have prayers going towards . Thank you , for your continued support and prayers . Jason 's day started off pretty well , in that I made a breakfast of scrambled eggs with ham , hash brown potatoes , toast and juice . On top of that , he ate it all , so that made me happy . We were up and ready to go by 09 : 30 and the first appointment was at 10 : 00 . We made it there with time to spare , like we usually do . The concern I had today was that he was going to be up in his chair for way too long of a period and that it could possibly result in some damage . While he was at PT I asked him to just lay on the table ( its a padded large work out table that the guys use for treatment - there are actually three of them ) and then when his appointment started he just stayed on that same table . That was over an hour of being out of the chair . Then the last appointment of the day was with dermatology and again he was out of the chair , so over all he was able to get out of the chair enough that it wasn 't too hard on him . Besides , the doctor ( dermatologist ) was very pleased with the progress of the smaller of the two wounds . He was happy with both , but the smaller one was the one that really catches your eye . We discussed the laser treatment and he wanted to be sure that there wasn 't much discomfort associated with it , and Jason said that he was fine . We left the house at 09 : 30 , and we got back to the house at just a little after 16 : 00 ( 4pm ) . That 's a long day for anyone having to deal with appointments . Tomorrow is going to be a much easier day , since there are only two appointments and they are both only 30 minutes long . There is an hour between them , but I think if we get to the second appointment right after the first we will still be able to get both of them done , and back to the house before the second is scheduled to begin . At least that is how I 'm thinking . Once we 're back we take care of a few things we need to get done around the house and then probably just lay back and relax . Thank you , for continuing to be there with all the prayers of support and just keeping us in your hearts . Good day today , we started out with a bit of a hiccup , in that I didn 't look at the schedule until we were already late for our first appointment . I had it in my head that the first one was at 10 : 00 , when in fact it was at 09 : 00 . We managed to arrive at about 09 : 30 , so it wasn 't too bad , and they really like Jason in PT so they were happy to seem him there . He also spent a bit more time with them than originally planned , but that was because they still think that his shoulders are way to tight and the muscles in his back ( between his shoulder blades ) need to be strengthened . On top of everything else , I 'm getting quite an education about Physical Therapy . Once he was done with PT , he had to head over to Occupational Therapy , and we were actually a little early for that appointment . The focus for them is to get strength back in his right hand . His left hand and arm are as good as ever . One of the funny aspects of his treatment was that one of the OT folks suggested that Jason start playing the guitar , and Jason said he has a banjo . The OT guy said , " That 's great , you need to practice with it . It will strengthen your hands faster than just about anything we can do here . " I guess that 's because of the self motivational aspect of playing a musical instrument , because you want to , rather than doing things you have to do . The reason it was " funny " was because I was just talking to Jason about starting to practice with it , again . Well , the appointments were over and we decided to come on back to the house . We didn 't have anywhere else we needed to go , and Jason was feeling tired ( They did work him pretty good . ) Jason had lunch and took a good nap , and then a little later we finished off the soup from last night . I actually added a few more things to it , just to be sure there was going to be enough , and we were happy . Tomorrow is going to be an even busier day , with four appointments to get to , and I have looked at the schedule a couple of times , just to be sure I had the right time in my head . We need to be over there by 10 : 00 . I hope everyone has a great evening and gets a good night sleep . Thank you , for all your continued prayers and support . I will do my best to get some new pictures out on the blog by tomorrow . Not much of a post today , all we did was go shopping so that Jason could pick up some PT ( Physical Training ) gear , as that is what he is supposed to be wearing . The funny thing is , when we got over to the Exchange , they didn 't have any , so he bought some new sheets for his bed instead . We just lazed about the house today , with me doing some laundry and going through and doing a little clean up of my email accounts ( I try to do that every now and then ) . I made some vegetable - beef soup , and I think it turned out pretty good . I tried something a little different this time , and added some pearl onions and they cooked up real nice . Of course Jason isn 't a big fan of onions so he didn 't appreciate the delicate flavor they have . He just picked them out and didn 't eat them . . . ; - ) Today was a day where we got to get out of the house and do a little golfing . Well , at least some practice swings on the putting green , and then Anthony showed us how to hit balls by chipping them from the ruff on to the green . . . gee I even kinda sound like I know what I 'm talking about . To say the least , Jason was a better student and did much better than I did . The down side to all this was that it started to rain . We did get under a cover and didn 't get too wet . Jason was riding around in one of the Paragolfers from Stand Up and Play and he was doing well the entire time there . Heck even Larry got in on the act and was hitting some balls . The rep from Cleveland Clubs was there ( along with several others ) and he was helping Jason and Anthony as well . I think he and Anthony know each other . Anyway , we stayed for a few hours and then we had to get going , and with the rain coming down it seemed like a good time , and I wanted to get Jason back down . He said he thought it was a good time to go too . I could tell he enjoyed the visit though , as he talked about the golfing most of the way back to the house . Tomorrow we need to go shopping for some food . We actually have some food in the house , but we 're down bread and a few other things . Its one of those activities that he likes to do , and we seem to do it well together . Other than that , we don 't have much planned for tomorrow , so I 'm looking at doing some laundry and maybe a few other catch up items around the house . Right now I think I need to get to bed as I 'm getting a bit tired . Thank you , for keeping up with this blog and for all the support and prayers being sent our way . We appreciate it very much . Friday the 13th is supposed to be a scary kinda day , or something like that . Well today was actually kind of nice , though it did get a bit stormy towards the end of the day . We actually had a thunderstorm with a couple of lightening strikes and two loud thunder claps . It rained pretty hard for a few minutes , too . Kind of made me feel like taking a nap or something ( I sleep well during a thunderstorm ) , but it was short lived and adjusted back to a regular San Diego rain pattern . I did get out for a bike ride this morning , and had a good time going no where , for about 15 miles . I ended up back where I started , so I call that going no where . Jason pretty much stayed in bed all morning , because he didn 't have an appointment until 13 : 00 ( 1pm ) , and by that time the weather was starting to turn from overcast to threatening . By the time we were done it was starting to sprinkle a bit , and Jason still wanted to head over to the grocery store to pick up a few things . We had planned on going to see Anthony Netto , to get a little golf practice in , but with the weather changing as it was , the golf was called off . Anthony and Jason decided to get together tomorrow instead , and I was happy with that . Its kind of interesting that we have spoken to , and shown a few folks the Paragolfer and they all seem to be very excited about it , and all the possibilities for the guys who can get one . I even had a conversation with Dr . Pyo and he was on the very interested side when we started to talk about Jason getting one . He said he was very impressed with how it allowed Jason the ability to " stand " and hug his mom . My guess is that we are going to figure out how to get one of these for Jason , sooner , rather than later . Once we got back from the store Jason laid back down and I took care of a few things around the house . While at OT today they mostly worked on his right hand and wrist , and then a little on his transfer skills . It wasn 't too rigorous , and he seemed fine , then asked for some extra pain meds . He has been staying away from the " extra " meds for some time now , so I was surprised when he asked for more . He did say that his phantom pain was starting to become a bother ( I also discussed this with Dr . Pyo ) , but not so much that he would need extra meds . Now we need to keep an eye on what is going on with that . It may be that he is again starting to do to much and I 'm going to have to get him to pull back just a little . This weekend will be a good telling if that is accurate . Anyway , that is pretty much the day . Jason went to sleep a little early , which makes me wish I didn 't have to wake him up for his evening meds , but that goes with the territory . Tomorrow we should be able to get over to see Anthony Netto , and stay there for a short visit , then the rest of the day he will be laying back down . Thank you , or all your prayers and continued support , it is appreciated . Today was a nice day with only a single appointment with OT and then back home to get Jason back in bed . Actually , after getting back to the house Jason wanted to take a shower , and as a result his dressings were changed out and then he laid back down . I took a good look at his wounds and they are looking better all the time . If they keep moving like they are I would guess that the wounds will be closed , or at least close to being closed , by the end of June . This is a good thing for more reasons than just his skin is his body 's first layer of defense against infection . It should allow him to be more comfortable for longer periods and it should also allow him to be able to take longer trips , like maybe back up to Livermore for a visit . Okay , perhaps I 'm jumping the gun here a little , but at least it makes me feel better just thinking about it . Actually traveling is one of those things that has forever changed for Jason , since he is unable to fly in a commercial flight now . Anywhere we go we are either going to need help with a private kind of flight ( there are actually some folks we 've already spoken to that can help us with that ) or it will have to be from a ground vehicle transportation . He is hoping to be able to get another vehicle , so that he can drive again someday , and thinks the Ford F150 or F250 would be the best vehicle for him to use . Especially if he is to get one of those ParaMobiles . I have been told that some of you have not been able to see the videos yet , so what I would like you to do is to get over to www . youtube . com and do a search on Anthony Netto . You 'll find a list of videos on the left side of the screen . Scroll down to the one with Jason and take a look . Of course you 're also welcome to view the other videos , just to see more about what this great thing can do , but you 'll want to see Jason first . . . ; - ) Tonight we had dinner with Bob Hammer and his lovely wife Debbie . They took us to Jakes at DelMar and we had a great time . We didn 't have to drive too far , and we didn 't stay too long for Jason . The conversation was excellent , as was the company , and Jason and I were very happy with the evening completely . That is until we got back home . For some reason the water has been turned off in this house . It was running when we left , just a few hours earlier . I looked all over and didn 't find a shut - off valve so I couldn 't turn it back on , and there is no after hours phone number to call , so we have to wait until morning to find out what the heck is going on . Well , obviously the power is still on , so I can get this posted , and then I 'll just go to bed . I had to brush my teeth with bottled water . I hadn 't done that is a long time . Busy day today - Jason had three appointments and then I had one of my own with the VA . We started out with an early start and Larry was stuck in traffic . It rained this morning and one of the things we 've noticed around here is that the general population does not do well in wet weather . We had to leave for the hospital without Larry , as I didn 't want to be late for one of Jason 's appointments . Perhaps I should explain something . With Jason still on active duty , as a Marine , and in the hospital , one might wonder how the Marines determine how he is rated . As a Marine , he has a job to do , and depending on how well he does that job , along with the other aspects of being a Marine , they decide on his rating which is used to determine rank advancement . Jason is recovering from his injuries , and will be doing so for the next several months , and his " job " now is to make sure he goes to all his scheduled appointments , or at least contacts the appropriate people , if he isn 't going make it . As long as he does this he will be rated well , and it is possible that he could gain rank even while in the hospital . That 's why it is so important for him to get to all of his appointments , and being on time is almost as important . So , anyway , we went to PT and they worked on him and said that his shoulders are way too tight and they need to get loosened up and he 'll be getting some massage therapy on a regular basis , at least for a little while . Then there was some paper work that got goofed up that I had to take care of , and by the time I was done with that it was time for his next appointment . The infectious disease people were a little angry that they weren 't contacted when Jason 's infections first showed up , and requested that Jason contact them first from now on . I agreed to contact them early , but not a guarantee they will be contacted first . It all depends on the situation . Tomorrow is going to be a good day in that there is only the one appointment with the OT folks , and then we 'll come back to the house . Jason said he will want to take a shower tomorrow , but after OT , rather than prior . Once he is done with that he 'll be back in bed until we go to dinner with the Hammers ( two wonderful people we have met since we 've been here ) . I might also try to get a bike ride in , during the afternoon , as long as the weather cooperates , so we 'll see . That was the day and a glimpse of tomorrow . If you check out this site you will learn much more about the Paramobile / Paragolfer that Jason was using these past couple of weekends . He will be out again Friday with Anthony Netto , hitting some golf balls . It is great fun for Jason and a good way for him to get some exercise - outdoors . Another day , another appointment . . . Okay , maybe a few appointments . It started out with just one and ended up with a couple more ; funny how that happens . The good side is that Jason now has some PT ( Physical Therapy ) sessions set up again , and I think that is one of the areas he misses . The OT ( Occupational Therapy ) is good and he likes the folks there , its just that he wants to do more . Then there is the balance needed so that he doesn 't over do it , as we know where that ended up last time . Jason is feeling pretty good with how things are going , though it would be nice if the progress were a little faster . Sometimes it seems that progress just isn 't paying attention to what he wants , and we just need to work on our patience , rather than just being a patient ( pun intended ) . We got to the hospital and to his first appointment , and while he was taking care of that I was doing my best to take care of a couple other things . We had borrowed a DVD from the YMCA ( Cinderella ) for the girls , and now that they are gone for the next two weeks we don 't need the DVD . Besides , they saw it about 10 times and I was getting kind of tired of it . I need to find another video for them for their next stay with us . . . maybe a couple of them . The other errands took me over to a couple of other places and then I was back to C5 , where Jason was still at his appointment . Actually , I was only gone for about 20 mintues , so I just sat and read emails and a magazine . We went over to PT to set up some appointments and Dawn , the Therapist , suggested that she could work with Jason right there . She was free for the next hour so she did a few things with Jason , including an assessment . After that we went over and made sure all the other appointments were correct and then we headed back home . I always check to see how Jason is doing when we leave and he said he needed to get back to the bed so he could get off his feet . He stayed in bed the rest of the day , and is still there now . Aside from dinner , where he watched some T . V . , he enjoys playing the video games . Tomorrow we have an early appointment so we 'll need to get going a little sooner than we have in the past . The good news is that we should still be back to the house at about the same time as we were today . I don 't think we have any other things to do , at least not right now . I may go for a bike ride tomorrow afternoon , just to get out of the house for a little bit , or I may spend some time with the job search . The search is going kind of slow , so I 'm thinking that I may need to look for another method of finding a position . Something will come , I just don 't know what it is just yet . A nice laid - back kinda day with no appointments and nothing to do but take care of a couple of errands . I finished up the laundry and put away a bunch of clothes , then otherwise just took care of Jason 's needs . Tomorrow is another day , where he does have an appointment , and anytime we get over to the hospital with just a single appointment we always seem to spend more time there doing other things . Anyway , Linda will be back down in less than 3 weeks , and that will be good . Thank you , for the continued prayers and support . Take care and have a great evening . We had an Easter Egg hunt , in the backyard , with Stacy , Jackie and their cousin Dylan . It was great fun even for Jackie . She didn 't really understand what was going on , and so we provided her with a little assistance . Jackie ended up with six eggs to Stacy 's 22 and Dylan 's 18 ( at least I think that was what they ended up with ) . Even after the " hunt " was over Jackie was having so much fun just running around with her basket she just continued while Stacy and Dylan sat down and took stock of their new found treasures . It was great with all the activity and Jason had a great time with the kids - probably the best he 's had so far , though the beach was pretty good . The sad part of the day was that tomorrow it is back to just Jason and I , and Larry the Home Health Aide . David ( Dylan 's dad ) and his family had to head back up to Los Angeles , Mom ( Linda ) had to leave tonight to return to Livermore , and the girls will be gone for the next two weeks . These next two weeks should be good , particularly the end of the second week , as we should hear about what was discussed for Jason 's next steps with recovery . Stay tuned for the exciting days to come . Today was a good day . We all went to the San Diego Zoo for a few hours - that was about as long as the kids and Jason could handle the crowds - and we rode the tour bus all around the park . David and Dylan were with us this time around and it was good to see them again , and we 're hoping to maybe see Miriam before they have to head back home tomorrow . Of course Linda has to head back home tomorrow also , so it will be back to just Jason and me after tomorrow night . The girls will also be going tomorrow night . It has been a crazy busy week , but one that was very enjoyable with all the family being here . I think Jason really enjoyed it as well . Tomorrow is Easter , so we will have to get up a little early , to make sure everything is in place . That 's about all the update for today . About the only thing different was that Linda and I finally went out and bought some new sheets for the bed . The " old " ones were already beginning to show some wear , and besides I wanted some new ones . I got up this morning , and found everybody still asleep . I didn 't think it was that early , only about 06 : 30 , but I guess everyone else did . I went down to make sure that Jason had taken his meds , and found that he was asleep still , and I needed to wake him up to take the meds . That was probably only the third time , since being here , that I have had to wake him . Usually he has taken them before I show up , and if he is asleep I let him stay asleep , today I had to wake him . When I checked on the girls they were both asleep and looking very cute , so I went on back up to my room . Linda was sleeping so I just took a quick look at my email . Jason 's first appointment was at 11 : 00 this morning , so no rush to get everyone moving , and then I noticed that Linda sounded kind of funny , I went in to check on her and found out that she had caught a cold . She ended up spending most of the day in bed , with a good portion of that just sleeping , and that was a good thing . She seems to be much better now , so I am hopeful that she has been able to kick that bug . We think she may have caught it from her mother , but it doesn 't seem to be anywhere near as bad as Mom 's was - that 's why I 'm hopeful . Jason only had one appointment with OT and that went quite smoothly . After I got him back to the house we had lunch and then the girls went down for their naps , and Jason laid back down on his bed . With all of them laying back down and with Larry and Linda still in the house I felt comfortable heading out to Costco . We needed a few things , with one of the most important being Apple Juice ( Linda reminded me just prior to going ) for the girls . Well , I got everything that was on the list , and then a few other things - just forgot to get the apple juice ( it wasn 't on the list ) . Oh well , I can run down to the store and pick some up . Besides the girls seem to like the Trader Joes brand the best . Dinner was left overs from the big dinner that Linda 's mom made the day before . We took the girls up to the bath and they got all cleaned up , after playing in the tub for almost 30 minutes . Then it was time for bed . Both of them seemed to go into very happy mode , as they were running in to see daddy and then running back out , just to turn around and do it again . I think Jason was enjoying their goofy acting , and then they went up to kiss and hug Daddy goodnight . Once they were down and in bed I was able to get up stairs to work on this posting . Today is Good Friday and it has been one for us , in multiple ways . Thank you for all your prayers and for all the continued support being sent our way . There are a number of you who have done a little more to help us , and I know we haven 't always been on top of the game by giving thanks , but please do know that we do appreciate it . Heck , there are some who have sent gifts that we don 't even know , and I 'd like to say a special thank you , to them and hope they read this blog to see it . Take care and God Bless you all . Jason had two appointments today , with one of them being Occupational Therapy and the other with the Dermatology folks - the ones who did the laser treatment . At OT he had a good workout , and was actually sweaty when he finished . I think he likes it when he has a good hard workout and sweats like that . It makes him feel more complete . There was a gap between appointments of about two hours so he decided to take advantage of the time and take care of another " errand " the Gunny had given to him . Then he went to the Exchange and made a couple of small purchases and we still had over an hour to wait . So like any good patient , he said , " Let 's go early and see if they can take us in sooner . " As it turned out that 's exactly what happened , and we were done at about the time we were supposed to be going in . The visit allowed the doctor to take a look at the wounds and see that they were now looking better than they had before . He had taken a couple of pictures of the initial visit , and compared them to the current state and anyone could see that there was some improvement . There will be another couple of visits , prior to the next treatment , and we expect that they improvements will continue . Afterward , Jason and I went over to pick up the girls from the drop in day care , on base and headed back to the house . Linda was at the house doing some clean up and making sure there was something to eat for dinner . It was a nice feeling to have her there waiting for us . The girls were happy to see us and all - in - all it turned out to be a very good day . Tomorrow Jason has just one appointment , and should be able to relax most of the day at home . We 've talked about going to Costco , so we might do that , but then we might not . Thank you , for all your continued support and prayers . I am hoping that tomorrow I will be able to post a link to the Paramobile / ParaGolfer . I know some of you have been asking about it , so I am anxious to get it out to as many as possible , as soon as possible . I got up a little early and went for a bike short bike ride ( ~ 12 miles ) and when I got back to the house everybody was up and they were just finishing breakfast . We talked a little about what we were going to do today and then Jason said he wanted to go lay back down . Linda 's folks were coming back over a little later in the morning to spend the day with us , and prepare an " Easter Dinner " since they won 't be here on Easter . They will be heading over to Linda 's brother 's place in Arizona , and spending Easter with him . We also decided to have an " Easter Egg Hunt " for the girls , and the girls across the street . The other two girls are friends with Stacy and Jackie and they get to play together sometimes , as well as see each other at the day care . Anyway the egg hunt went off about as well as any I have ever seen . The two oldest girls both found 14 eggs and the two youngest found 5 eggs each . The real fun was trying to get the two younger girls interested in the hunt . Afterward the two neighbor girls went back home with their dad and the meal was prepared . It was probably close to 17 : 30 ( 5 : 30pm ) when we ate . The girls had gone down for their naps a little later than normal due to the egg hunt and therefore they slept a bit later than usual . I think they were pretty tired from all the activity , too . It was a very nice dinner , and now Jason and I have a bunch of left over ham for later . Linda 's folks ( Nana and Tata to the girls ) are headed out to Arizona tomorrow morning , early , so they needed to go pack , and headed back to their hotel . The rest of the evening was spent playing with the girls ; taking a bath ; and , telling a story before bed . The girls were still a little worn out and I think they 'll sleep well tonight - just like Linda and I will . . . ; - ) Today was a photo shoot day for the girls , and Grandma ( Linda ) had it all planned out . Nana and Tata ( Linda 's parents ) were there to help , and join in on the fun , with the girls . They got an early start , as they left the house at about 09 : 00 and went over to The Picture People . They had a 10 : 00 appointment , and it was good that they had the appointment because the place really got busy by the time they had left , just a little after noon . I wasn 't there , as I was with Jason at the Naval base , where he had some appointments to deal with . Linda told me that the taking of the photographs was a bit of a challenge at times ; the girls did start to get restless , and she worried that the pictures were going to look poor , BUT , in fact when we went to go pick up the pictures later she was pleasantly surprised . All the shots came out looking great and they were all better than what was anticipated . It was actually kind of funny how Linda went into the mall , to go talk with The Picture People and then how happy she looked when she came out . I was wondering if they had just given them to her for free or something ( I was hoping ) and she told me that the pictures all came out better than expected . While the picture taking was going on Jason and I ( and Larry ) were taking care of things over at the Naval base . Before going , this morning , Jason took a shower and as such I was able to take a good look at his wounds . I was very pleased to see that the left side was looking better and there was some progress on the right side as well . The appointments went well , and before we were done I spoke with the folks that take care of his OT and ended up getting a bunch of appointments for Jason , for the rest of the month . That 's the way it usually works , I am able to get the appointments set up and then another type appointment comes along and he has even more appointments to keep track of . We won 't be getting much of an update on the methods that are being reviewed for future treatments for Jason , until much later this month . First there will be a meeting of the different doctors and then they 'll let us know what their suggestions are going to be . As soon as I know more I will let you all know . In the mean time , we are here in San Diego , enjoying the visits from family , and spending quality time with the girls . Thank you , for all your prayers and all the continued support . Another enjoyable day spent with Linda 's parents , a . k . a . Grandma and Grandpa to Jason . They came over early and we all went to breakfast . Jason was doing well , then he decided that he needed to lay back down , which usually means something is uncomfortable , more than he wants to deal with , or he is just very tired - or a combination of both . We got back to the house and Joe and Jess went back to their hotel so they could also get some rest , and that worked out for us as well . Jason was laying down and the girls were with their mother ( special request that Jason said they could go with her even though it is his two weeks ) , so Linda and I went to do some shopping . I picked up a router and an external storage device . I 'll have the router hooked up tomorrow and I am hoping that it adds some speed to the network for me . The external storage is simply a way of me doing some backing up of important files and pictures . Anyway , that was pretty much it , except for the time Linda was able to spend at one of the thrift stores . She loves going in and browsing around . Every now and then she finds a little gold nugget , and it makes her feel good , and that makes me happy . Today ended with Grandma and Grandpa bringing an apple pie over , and we just kind of relaxed and enjoyed each others company . And so that is all I have for today 's post . Tomorrow we have a couple of appointments , and Linda is taking the girls to get their picture taken . Joe and Jess will be going with her and I 'll be going with Jason and Larry . Thank you , all for all your continued support and prayers . Today was a day that was truly appreciated . We slept in a bit , and then decided to take Anthony Netto up on his invitation to join him at the car show . Linda 's parents , Joe and Jess , were to come over and then we were going to leave . It actually almost worked out that way , and even though we still managed to get out of the house a little later than originally planned , we arrived at the car show with plenty of time to look around and talk with a bunch of people . Funny thing is , that the people were as much interested in Anthony and Jason ( riding their Paragolfer carts ) as we were in the cars . It was pretty impressive , and there were cars from all over the world , and from all time periods . I didn 't see any horseless carriages , but I 'm sure they were there , somewhere . We stayed at the show for a couple of hours and then Jason needed to get going . He 'd been up for several hours by now , and even though he was more comfortable in the paragolf cart , he still needed to lay down and " get off his feet . " We headed back to the vehicle and then back to the house . As it was , before heading off to the show , Joe and Jess , also known as Grandma and Grandpa , to Jason , stopped by the house , and we had a nice visit . They were going to be heading to their Hotel , since the first one they checked in to last night , was infested with ants . Considering that today is April Fools Day , you 'd think that there was a joke in there somewhere , but there wasn 't . There were ants everywhere , and they wanted some other place to stay - I would have too . Once we got home we just relaxed and played with the girls a bit , and gave Linda a little rest . She had stayed back with the girls so that Jason and I could go . Linda has been a real trooper since being here . She 's been doing non - stop Grandma duty and has been enjoying every minute of it . She is excited about planning things for this coming weekend too , with it being Easter , and I 'm okay with it . A little later in the evening we got in touch with Nana and Tata ( Joe and Jess ) , that 's what the girls call them , and asked them if they like to go to dinner . We went out to Olive Garden and we all had a great meal together . We did have a party of 7 , and that is a little larger than the normal party of four , but for whatever reason they sat us at a table that would accommodate 10 , or maybe more . At first it felt a little strange , but we got over that quickly . Both the girls had a great time with their crayons , and Jason was able to sit directly across from his Grandma and Grandpa and talk all his wanted to them . This was the first meal they had had together in way over a year , and I think they all really enjoyed it . After dinner we came back to the house and Joe and Jess went back to their hotel , and we got ready for bed . Everyone was tired , and going to bed sounded likeThank you , for all your continued support and prayers . |
Jensen shivered , another tear running down his cheek . He was sorry . He knew he was a bad boy . But now he was very sorry he 'd cried because his tummy hurt . He knew better than to complain about being hungry , but it hurt so badly that he couldn 't help it . His diaper was wet and soiled , and he had no idea how long he 'd been in the closet . He wasn 't allowed to come out , though . He learned that a long time ago . He had to wait for Rick to come get him . Or maybe he 'd have to stay in the closet long enough that Gary would be coming for him . Jensen 's bottom lip quivered . Gary was even worse than Rick . And if Gary found out Jensen had thrown a temper tantrum , he 'd be in really big trouble . He flinched as strange , loud noises came from outside the closet . He heard the other babies crying , and he heard voices that weren 't the ones he was used to . But every once in a while new guys in scrubs would come to the orphanage , so maybe that 's what was happening . Jensen stayed as still as he could , sucking on his thumb and working very hard at being a good boy even though he was scared . He wanted to rip off his diaper . His skin was itchy and burned , but if he took it off , he 'd be in a lot of trouble . Jensen looked at Mr . Kitty . Mr . Kitty looked very soft . And his eyes were a beautiful shade of blue . Jared slowly held Mr . Kitty out closer to Jensen . Jensen felt bad for Mr . Kitty . He knew what it was like to be scared . He didn 't know why Mr . Kitty thought he 'd be a safe place , but both Jared and Mr . Kitty seemed to be sure of it , so Jensen slowly reached out and wrapped his fingers around Mr . Kitty , then held him close to his chest . He dropped his chin to his chest and let Mr . Kitty 's fur tickle his cheek . " Cool , " Jared said . " Mr . Kitty and I would really like it if you 'd help us find the way out of here . See Mr . Kitty and I are really hungry , and we 'd like to go get something to eat . But Mr . Kitty is too scared to do it alone , and I don 't know my way out of here . Can you help us ? " Jensen shivered again . He hadn 't been outside in a long time . And the last time he 'd been out , he 'd been bad and Gary had hit him . A lot . Jensen nodded , and he hadn 't realized it was possible , but Jared 's smile got even bigger . Jensen liked the way the skin at Jared 's eyes crinkled when he smiled that big . Jensen had never seen anybody smile so big their cheeks got little indentations , but it made Jensen smile just a little bit . Jensen tried not to cry , but another tear made its way down his cheek . He hugged Mr . Kitty tighter to his chest . Mr . Kitty was scared , and Jensen wasn 't helping by crying . Jensen 's stomach growled . It felt as if his stomach was eating itself . He was so hungry he wanted to curl up and cry . But Jared and Mr . Kitty were hungry too , and they were depending on him to help . Jensen held his arms up to Jared , his right hand still holding onto Mr . Kitty . Jared reached down and picked Jensen up . Jensen squeaked as Jared 's left arm braced across his back , hitting a sore spot , but Jared quickly moved his hold on Jensen to a spot that didn 't hurt so much and Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared . Mr . Kitty was even safer now that he was between Jared and Jensen , and Jensen wrapped his right arm around Jared 's neck . " Okay , where do we go now ? " Jared asked . Jensen pointed to the doorway . " Good boy , " he said as he headed through the doorway . " Hey , hey , " Jared said as he looked to Jensen , a reassuring smile on his face . " Everything 's okay . Everybody 's getting adopted ! " Jensen 's chest ached . It had been so long since someone was adopted . He gave up on it ever happening , and now all of them were getting adopted ! But where were Jensen 's new parents ? Jared walked over to an ambulance , and Jensen got excited . He 'd never been this close to an ambulance before . The lights were flashing , but the siren wasn 't going . It didn 't matter . He was still excited to see it . He tried to peek inside , and Jared must 've noticed because he walked around to the back . " Hi , there ! " Ambulance Guy said . He had pretty blue eyes just like Mr . Kitty . His uniform was a lighter blue than Jared 's and it had a patch on the left arm . " Hey , Jensen , check these out , " Misha said , and even though Jensen was scared , the excitement in Misha 's voice had him looking before he realized what he was doing . " The diapers I have are pretty cool . There 's race cars on mine . " Jensen nodded again . He gasped as Jared stepped up into the ambulance . First he got to see an ambulance , then he was in one ! Jared sat down on the bench and put Jensen on his lap , but Jensen was too excited to care that Misha had gotten even closer than before . He was sitting on the rolling bed in front of him . Jensen looked around at the equipment , eyes wide . He 'd always liked going to the doctor . Dr . Morgan had always been really nice to him . In fact it seemed that was the only time he felt safe . If Misha was a doctor like Dr . Morgan , maybe he was nice too . Misha set the diaper down on the rolling bed , then pulled out a box of baby wipes . He held up his phone and a flash of light made Jensen blink . " You wanna pull the tape off your diaper ? " Jensen whimpered and cringed , pushing himself back against Jared . He wasn 't allowed to do that . Last time he 'd done that , his eye had been too swollen to see out of for three days . Jared ran his fingers through Jensen 's hair while Misha pulled the tape from his diaper . Jared 's fingers felt good . He combed through Jensen 's whole head of hair , chuckling when Jensen leaned into the touch . Jensen flinched and turned to look at the man standing just outside the ambulance . He had a funny accent and a scruffy beard . Jensen had felt so safe with Jared and Misha that he 'd relaxed , and now that the man was standing there looking at him and had scared him , Jensen couldn 't stop himself from crying . He cried so hard he couldn 't breathe or see . By the time he caught his breath , he sucked in huge gulps of air and let them out in a long sob . He felt Jared repositioning him on his lap , and by the time he 'd calmed down a little , he realized the doors of the ambulance were closed and Jared was rocking him . Misha gave Jensen a kiss on his forehead . Nobody had given Jensen a kiss since he 'd been at the orphanage . The last time someone had kissed him was back when he 'd had a mommy and a daddy . Mommy had kissed him before they all got in the car for a ride . He missed getting kisses and hugs . Jensen relaxed again , letting Jared gently wipe the tears away . " I 've got an idea , " Misha said , looking between Jared and Jensen . " I 'm going to take us for a ride . We 'll go to the house that Jared and I live in so that you can have a nice warm bath , okay ? " Jensen remembered taking baths . He liked them . His mommy and daddy used to give him baths , and they 'd let him play with toys as long as he wanted to . He hadn 't had a bath in a long time , and showers weren 't nearly as much fun . Jensen nodded , a small smile tugging at his lips . Jared and Misha chuckled . " You got it , kid , " Misha said as he headed toward the front of the ambulance . " I 'll let the guys know what 's going on , Jay , " he said as he looked over his shoulder at Jared . Jensen shook his head , nearly vibrating with excitement . When the sirens started , Jensen jumped , but instead of crying , he chuckled at himself . This was so fun ! Jared carried Jensen into the house while Jensen waved goodbye to the ambulance , Mr . Kitty still held tightly against his chest . Jared walked through the house and into the upstairs bathroom . Jensen liked how Jared 's house smelled . It was clean and didn 't smell like dirty diapers . Jensen frowned down at Mr . Kitty . How could Mr . Kitty not like baths ? They were so fun ! But Jensen knew how awful it was to do things he really didn 't like doing , so he handed Jared Mr . Kitty . Misha kissed Jensen 's back . " I 'm just going to use a soft cloth to get you clean . If it hurts , tell me right away and I 'll stop . " Jensen nodded , squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for the pain . He felt Misha spread his cheeks and whimpered , but Misha was gentle , and there was just a slight burn as Misha cleaned him up . He never saw the flash of light as Misha took another picture of the abuse . Jensen smiled at Misha , happy that he 'd kept his word . He let out a little noise of excitement when Jared lowered him into the tub , then sighed . It felt wonderful . It was just right . Not too hot or too cold . Misha knew just how to run a good bath . Jensen just sat there for a moment , enjoying the way the water warmed him and made his diaper area stop burning . Misha got down on his knees next to the tub and swirled his fingers through the milky water . " We can 't use bubbles right now . The bubbles wouldn 't feel good on your owies . But as soon as your butt 's all better , you 'll get tons of bubbles . " Jensen nodded . He didn 't want bubbles if they were going to make his skin burn . But if Misha said he could have them soon , then he had something to look forward to . Jared got to his knees beside Misha and picked up a washcloth . It was bright orange and yellow with ducks all over it . " Misha put this stuff in the water to make your butt feel better , " he said as he poured more of the milky stuff onto the washcloth . Jensen looked at the toy and grinned , which made Misha laugh . Jensen picked up another squeeze toy like the one Misha had and squeezed it , but nothing came out . It hadn 't made noise either . Jensen gasped , then did exactly what Misha had done with is own fish . When he pulled it back out of the water , he squeezed it because he was so excited . The water shot out and hit Jared in the face . Jensen froze , eyes wide as he held his breath . None of the guys in scrubs had liked it when Jensen splashed them in the shower . Jensen flinched as both Jared and Misha started laughing . It took Jensen a moment to realize they thought he was funny and they weren 't going to punish him . Jensen smiled , then let out a little giggle . " Are you ready for something to eat ? " Misha asked . Jensen nodded so hard he nearly fell over . Misha chuckled . " Okay , then let 's get you out of the tub and dried off . " Jared took a hold of Jensen 's knees and spread his legs , holding them up . Jensen saw another flash of light , and then Jared was putting Jensen 's feet down on the floor , this time his butt was resting on a fresh diaper . He really hoped it was the one with the race cars . Jensen closed his eyes and leaned into the touch as Misha ran his fingers through his hair . Jensen 's daddy used to gently scratch at Jensen 's head while he was falling asleep . It always felt so good . Jensen was about to fall asleep when Jared lifted Jensen 's legs and started putting pajama pants on him . " Doggies ! " Jensen said as he pointed to the pants . Jensen took Jared 's hands and helped pull himself up . Misha crawled around behind him and Jensen saw more flashes of light . He didn 't know why Misha needed so many pictures , but if Misha thought it was important , then that was okay with Jensen . " Arms up , " Jared said , and then slid a soft shirt down over Jensen when Jensen held his arms up . Jared picked Jensen up , this time avoiding all the sore spots on his back and legs . Misha passed by them and headed down the stairs in front of them . " Here , " Jared said as he grabbed the bag and took out a carrot . " Take bites , " he said as he held the carrot firmly , not letting Jensen take it , but instead touching it to Jensen 's lips . " Just take bites . I won 't take it away from you . I just don 't want you to hurt your tummy . " But wait ! Jared and Misha hadn 't been mean to him so far . Even when he 'd squirted Jared with water they 'd laughed and had still been nice to him . Jared pulled another carrot out of the bag , but instead of waiting , Jensen grabbed the bag , shoved his fingers in , and pulled out three carrots . Before he could shove them in his mouth , Jared stopped him , a hand around Jensen 's wrist . Jensen whined and tried to pull away from Jared . Misha was lifting Jensen 's upper body by the time Jensen realized what he 'd done . He was too hungry to care before , but now he was scared . He 'd hurt Jared and probably made both Jared and Misha mad . Misha wrapped his arms around Jensen and picked him up , having more difficulty with that than Jared had , but soon he was sitting Jensen down on a kitchen chair . Jensen looked for Jared , who was on his knees , curled up and cupping his crotch , panting and wincing . Jensen didn 't want to put his arms down , but he felt bad for hurting Jared . Jared had been so nice to him , and Jensen had just kicked him . He was a bad boy . Jensen slowly dropped his arms and opened his eyes . Misha was on his knees in front of the chair Jensen was curled up on . He didn 't look mad , but he really didn 't look happy either . Jensen lifted his head from his knees . " If you eat too fast , you 're going to throw up , " Misha said . " I know you 're very hungry , but Jared was only trying to help . We don 't hurt each other in this family . " " You need to tell Jared you 're sorry , " Misha said . " We 're not going to take away your food if you don 't behave , so I don 't want you to be worried about that . But it was very mean to hurt Jared , so you need to apologize . I 'm going to go get your bottle . You can have it even if you don 't apologize , but I 'd really like it if you behaved and apologized to Jared . " " I know you 're scared and really hungry , " Jared said . " You 're going to get enough food here . You don 't have to worry about stuff like that . We 'll take care of you . " Jensen didn 't know if he could believe Jared . It had been so long since he didn 't have to worry about whether he would get food or not . Whether he 'd get a new diaper or sit around all day in a soiled one . Whether he 'd get hit or locked in the closet . Jensen took the bottle and immediately started sucking on it , still hugging Jared with one arm . It tasted so much better than what he got at the orphanage . It was warm and already he could feel it filling his belly . " I know , baby , " Misha said . " And you 'll get more later . Just relax and in a few minutes you 'll feel full . " Jensen started to cry softly . His tummy still hurt . It was still growling . They hadn 't lied to him yet , but couldn 't they see he was still hungry ? " Hi ! I 'm the bus driver , " Jared said as he held the book up so Jensen could see the pages . There was a man in a funny hat . " Listen , I 've got to leave for a little while , so can you watch things for me until I get back ? Thanks . Oh , and remember : Don 't let the pigeon drive the bus ! " Jensen was asleep before the end of the book . He dreamed that he was a pigeon who was driving a bus . Jared was the bus driver and Misha was the bus . Misha was a funny bus . " They all need help , " Jared said , rubbing Jensen 's belly , one of the few places the kid didn 't have a bruise in various stages of healing . " They 're all so dependent on others for everything , and it just kills me that people can be so cruel as to hurt them . He 's a good kid . And they just . . . , " he said , trailing off as he looked down at the bruise on Jensen 's left ankle . " It 's a good sign that he 's already falling asleep so easily on me , " Misha said . " I think this one 's gonna be okay . And he apologized for hurting you . How many of these little ones have we fostered who couldn 't comprehend hitting was something to be sorry for ? " " You 're coming with me to the doctor 's appointment tomorrow morning , " Misha announced . " He 's already looking to you for protection . He feels safe with you . " " The doctor will check him out , " Misha reassured him . " But if Jensen tried to get up and fell , that means he hasn 't been immobile long enough to give up trying . Hopefully it 's just because of the bruising . " " Not yet , " Misha said . " I 'm sure he 'll call later . They 're still going through all the records and matching the kids up with their profiles . I 'm so glad you did that one last sweep . We were about to leave him there . " " He 's gonna get better , Jay , " Misha said with confidence . " He 's been there this long and he 's still a fighter . A broken kid isn 't gonna kick you in the nuts , " he said with a grin . Jensen woke up feeling warm and comfortable . He couldn 't remember the last time that happened , and as he opened his eyes , he expected to find himself in a dream where he was back with Mommy and Daddy . Instead Misha was looking down at him , smiling . Jensen 's thumb had fallen out of his mouth while he was sleeping , so he pushed it back in . Then he reached up with his right hand and traced Misha 's eyebrows . Misha didn 't flinch , didn 't pull away , and instead closed his eyes , letting Jensen do as he pleased . Jensen ran his finger down Misha 's cheek . Jensen tried to sit up , so Misha shifted him so that Jensen 's butt was on the couch cushion next to him , legs still draped over Misha 's lap . " Uh - huh ! " Jensen said as he nodded . " Hungry ! " " I 'm glad he went down when he did , " Jared said as he draped his jeans over the chair in the corner . " I hate telling him he has to stop eating when he 's so underweight . I know it 's better for him , but he doesn 't care . All he knows is his tummy hurts . " Misha nodded . " Yeah , he was in the middle of the back seat , safe in his car seat . He came out of it with a few scrapes and bruises , but his parents both died . " Misha shrugged . " I 'm not sure . He didn 't talk for a while after the accident and had trouble adjusting to life in the orphanage . The notes are few and far between , most likely because of the way they 've been treating the kids at the orphanage . " " I don 't think the abuse started right away , " Misha said . " There was a changover about four years ago . New caregivers , owners , staff , and less government funding . " Misha shook his head . " No . Most of the kids were there long - term . The owners didn 't feed the kids much , didn 't change their diapers enough or bathe them as often as they should , so it kept their running costs down , then they pocketed the money from the government . " Misha turned off the lights , and they both fell asleep . Neither one of them slept hard . They both had an ear out for any noise Jensen might make on the baby monitor . Jensen woke to the sound of Misha humming . He opened his eyes and sat up in his crib . Misha hadn 't heard him , too busy folding the clean clothes and putting them away , so Jensen got to his knees and whimpered . Jensen smiled and reached up . Misha picked him up , grunting a little as he situated the boy on his hip . Jensen wrapped his legs and arms around Misha as Misha headed for the changing table . He set Jensen down , then pulled out a fresh diaper and cream . He 'd already set a wet washcloth on the table , knowing that Jensen would be up soon . Jensen 's skin was still too red and sore to use a baby wipe . " Hey , baby boy ! " Jared said , waving at Jensen with one hand while the other held the handle of the frying pan . " You like eggs ? " Jared dished up all the food , then brought everything over to the table while Misha put a bib on Jensen . Once they were all seated , Jared put Jensen 's plate in front of him . Jensen looked to Jared expectantly , and Jared smiled , shaking his head when Misha chuckled . " All three of us are going to go somewhere today , baby , " Misha said , turning to look at Jensen . Jensen 's eyes widened , a little scared . " It 's nothing to be worried about . All three of us are going to go to the doctor . " Misha led them down the hallway , then walked into the exam room . He was glad he went first because he was able to see Jensen 's face when he saw the doctor . The biggest smile Misha had seen yet lit up Jensen 's face and Jared almost dropped Jensen when he squirmed in Jared 's arms . Misha 's chest ached as he watched the sheer excitement on Jensen 's face . It was good to see Jensen able to be happy and thrilled about things . Misha knew the traumas he 'd suffered at the orphanage weren 't going to pop out of existence , but there was hope that Jensen could have a happy and fulfilling life . " Jensen 's mother was terrified of doctors , " Misha whispered while Dr . Morgan let Jensen try out his stethoscope on Mr . Kitty . " She didn 't want him to be afraid of doctors too , so she always acted like it was a treat to go . Dr . Morgan said Jensen was always his easiest AB to work with and he really missed him when he couldn 't see him anymore . " Jensen giggled , then set Mr . Kitty down next to him and held his arms up . Dr . Morgan took Jensen 's shirt off and handed it to Jared . Dr . Morgan took a quick look at Jensen 's back , then wrapped his arm around Jensen 's middle , right where Jared had learned he had to hold Jensen to avoid the bruises , and lifted enough to get the jeans down . Jensen laughed , raising his shoulders and pulling away . Misha turned to look at Jared , already expecting the tears in his husband 's eyes , and he wasn 't disappointed . It was the first time they 'd heard Jensen laugh that hard . Jensen nodded , then scooted back , lying down on the examination table . It was wonderful to see the trust Jensen had in Dr . Morgan . He didn 't look scared , didn 't hesitate to spread himself out , and he wasn 't looking to Jared or Misha for reassurance . " These are special wipes , " Dr . Morgan said . " Only doctors like me get these . They 've got special medicine in them and they don 't burn . " " How about I make a deal with you ? " Dr . Morgan said , getting Jensen 's attention . " I 'll use just the corner of this wipe on your leg where you 're not as red , and if it burns , I promise I 'll throw it right in the garbage and I won 't use it on you . " Jensen nodded and watched carefully as Dr . Morgan wiped his leg . Jensen gasped , but didn 't cry . When Dr . Morgan lifted his hand away from Jensen 's leg , Jensen smiled . Jared breathed a sigh of relief and Misha turned his face into Jared 's shirt to stifle his chuckle . Jared was a big guy , people were sometimes intimidated by him . And if pushed , Jared could be a take charge , scary guy if he needed to be , but when it came right down to it Jared could be a big old softie . And Misha loved him for it . " Are you ready ? " Dr . Morgan asked as he held the wipe over Jensen 's crotch . " I 'm going to wipe everything down now , all right ? " Jensen nodded , not worried anymore . Dr . Morgan used gentle strokes to clean Jensen up , not wiping over any one area more than a couple times . Jensen never cried , though he did gasp a few times , especially when Dr . Morgan wiped under his balls . Misha stepped forward . " I wiped under his balls , but I didn 't lift them to look , " he said , feeling horrible . Jensen had winced when he 'd done it , but he figured it was just because the washcloth was cold and Jensen 's poor skin was so red and sore . " Did somebody hit you there ? " Dr . Morgan asked . Jensen nodded , so Dr . Morgan balled his hand into a fist . " Did somebody hit you like this ? " Jensen 's lips twitched into a small smile as he reached out and took Misha 's right hand in his , holding on tightly . Misha kept running his fingers through Jensen 's hair . The boy seemed to really like it , and he could use all the comfort he could handle right now . Misha smiled as he nodded . " Thank you , Dr . Morgan . " He felt Jared come up behind him and rest his hands on his shoulders . Jared must 've felt the need to be closer . Dr . Morgan chuckled . " Sorry , little man . We can 't do bubbles for a while . You gotta wait until you don 't have owies anymore , okay ? " " Jared ? " Dr . Morgan said , then nodded toward a table in the corner of the room with some books on it . " Would you mind grabbing the book on the top , please ? Jensen really likes Guess How Much I Love You , " he said , giving Jared a significant look . Jared nodded and grabbed the book , then walked around to the far side of the examination table , putting him on Jensen 's left side . " Hey , buddy , I 've never read this book before . Is it a cool book ? " Misha saw Dr . Morgan pull a swab out from a drawer and set it between Jensen 's legs . He then took Jensen 's penis in his left hand and pulled the foreskin down . Jensen was too busy pointing at the rabbits with his free hand to care what Dr . Morgan was doing . Misha was impressed . Dr . Morgan was really good at this . Dr . Morgan used two more swabs to take samples of the sore under Jensen 's balls , which was numb by now , and also the red skin between Jensen 's cheeks . Dr . Morgan chuckled again . " It 's easy to do . If my life wasn 't as hectic as it is , I 'd have taken him years ago . " " You know full well that foster parents are prime candidates for adoption , " Dr . Morgan said . " You could get him so easily it 's not even funny . And he 's already bonded with you . " " He 's just in need of care right now , " Misha said , shaking his head . Dr . Morgan turned to Misha and glared at him . " You really don 't see that he 's bonded already ? " he asked . " No , he doesn 't , " Dr . Morgan said . " Even before the abuse in the orphanage started , I couldn 't let my nurses come in here with me when I examined him . He barely tolerated the caretakers from the orphanage being in here . " " Okay , I hate to do this to him , " Dr . Morgan said , " but this is how much I want you to take this seriously . I 'm going to finish up my examination and call in one of the nurses . It 's one he 's never seen before , so there 's no bad blood . I think you 'll be surprised . " " Oh , I 'm sorry , " Dr . Morgan said . " I don 't have race car diapers here . But I do have diapers with puppies on them . Would those be all right with you ? " Misha nodded and reached out , helping Jensen sit up . He turned Jensen so the doctor could look at Jensen 's back , chuckling when Jensen gave him a quick kiss on the cheek . Dr . Morgan gave him a significant look over Jensen 's shoulder and Misha rolled his eyes . Jared made a choking noise and Misha 's eyes widened as he forgot to breathe . But before either man could ask why the hell Dr . Morgan was referring to blood tests like that , Jensen cheered , wriggling on the table and smiling . Jared looked to Misha , confused expression on his face as Misha shrugged . Dr . Morgan walked to the door and opened it , then stuck his head around the corner . " Anna ? Could you come here a minute , please ? " Dr . Morgan held the door open while a woman walked in . He handed her the bag with the vial in it and instructed her on where to send it . Jensen , on the other hand , scooted forward and pushed his face against Misha 's shoulder , wrapping his arms and legs around Misha and whimpering as he shivered . Misha looked up at Jared , eyes wide as they both stood there dumbfounded . Jensen had been doing so well . Sure , he 'd freaked out over Mark the day before , but the poor kid had been scared out of his mind then . Right ? " Hey , sweetie , " Misha said as he gently rubbed Jensen 's back . " It 's okay . She 's not going to hurt you . " " He 's not a stray dog , " Jared said . " I know that . But he 's already so comfortable with us and it 's what we knew we wanted to do eventually anyway . " " He 's only been with us a little over a day , " Misha said . " He 's been through a lot . There 's going to be behavioral problems and a whole lot of shit that comes with victims of abuse . " " I think it would be better for him if we decided soon instead of stringing him along , " Jared said . " With all the foster kids , we made it clear they were here to wait for a new mommy or daddy . I don 't know if you 've noticed , but neither of us have said that to Jensen yet . " Jared chuckled . " Yeah , me too . I wanted him from the moment he looked up at me from that closet with hope in his eyes , looking at me like he was just hoping I could be the one to get him out of that shithole . " " If we do this , we can 't take it back , " Misha said . " I can 't tell him to call us Daddy and Papa , then send him away . I won 't do it . " " He 's an AB , not a baby , " Jared said . " He 's at whatever level he wants and needs to be . And if he 's interacting this much already , maybe he 's not at the age level we assumed he was . The way Dr . Morgan talked to him makes me think we could get his feelings on this and then make a decision . He 's been traumatized , but he 's not an idiot . He won 't be making the decision himself , only letting us know how he feels about it all . " " Yes , " Jared said without hesitation . " I 've wanted this since I was a teenager . You know that . I have no doubts that we can make this work . If you decide we shouldn 't do this right now , I 'll be okay with it because I love you and I want you to be on - board with whatever decisions we make together , but I 'm one hundred percent ready for this . " It was normal , and even though it wasn 't easy , Jared and Misha were trying to stay calm and deal with it . Jared had pulled a 36 - hour shift because of another raid that took much longer than everyone had expected , and he had just gotten home a few hours ago . He 'd been asleep seconds after his head hit the pillow . He stood up , wincing as he did . His ass and arm both hurt , but he didn 't want to miss the appointment with the physical therapist . Jensen was making good progress . Misha sputtered as Jared walked out of the room , Jensen crying and begging to not be hit . It wasn 't until then that he realized Jensen was scared . Misha had scared Jensen . Misha wouldn 't have hurt Jensen , but he was upset , and Jensen had picked up on it . Misha felt like shit . He 'd known this wouldn 't be all puppy dog tails and fluffy clouds . It was hard taking care of an AB . Rewarding yes , but hard . Misha knew Jared wouldn 't hit Jensen , but Jensen didn 't know that yet . He was still terrified whenever Jared or Misha looked even the least bit upset . Misha could hear Jared talking softly to Jensen , but he couldn 't tell what he was saying . He stood up and walked to the sink , wetting a washcloth and wringing it out . He 'd been angry , but even as upset as he 'd been , he wouldn 't have hurt Jensen . But now Jensen was crying . They 'd made a lot of progress from the first time they 'd been to Jim Beaver . Jensen had done nothing but cry and hide his face in Jared 's shirt the first few times they 'd had an appointment . Now Jensen liked Jim enough that he was feeling bad about possibly showing up late to an appointment with the man . " Okay , you need to listen to me and Daddy , even when you don 't want to , " Misha said . " We 're not going to do anything to hurt you . When we tell you to do something , it 's because it 's going to help you . Like when I told you to get out of the tub so we can go see Jim . " And then there was this new thing . Jared stood there with his eyes open wide in surprise as Jensen kneeled in the pile of clothes , toys , diapers , and wipes he 'd thrown on the floor . All the drawers and closet doors were open . Jensen didn 't need constant supervision . Sometimes he was okay playing with his toys on the floor while Jared or Misha were close by and either doing chores or running a bath . Not this time . Jared frowned . This was new . He was nearly overwhelmingly excited that Jensen wasn 't scared of him , but he had no idea why Jensen would do this on purpose and sit there so unashamedly gloating . Jensen was able to walk now , but Jared didn 't want even more of a mess down the hallway . He stripped Jensen in the bathroom , then helped him into the tub . Jensen acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary and insisted upon Jared playing with some toys while he had his bath . Jensen was smirking . That same little smirk Jared had seen all day long . No remorse , no scared little boy who was scared of getting hit . Something was up , but Jared wasn 't sure what to do about it . Misha picked up Jensen 's plate and set it down on the TV table near Jensen . " You 're going to eat over here instead of with me and Daddy . If you apologize , then you can eat with us again . " Jensen frowned and looked to Jared , as if Daddy would save him . Jared just shook his head and took another bite of food . " Wanna eat with you ! " Jensen said , pouting up at Misha . " Um , oh , " Jared said , trying to concentrate on Misha instead of Jensen . " After you left we finished breakfast and played outside for a while . Jensen had a bath after that because he got into the baby powder and dusted his room with it . " Misha stood up . " Okay , you can eat with us , " he said as he picked Jensen up and set him back down on his usual chair at the table . He then went over to the fridge and poured some milk into a clean Sippy cup and brought it to the table . Jared let out a sigh of relief . He wasn 't sure he was going to be able to take much more of the crying . Jensen had sounded so sad . He was glad Jensen had changed his mind . " I think so , " Misha said . " But because of the abuse , there 's a twist to it . He 's pushing to see if there 's a breaking point where you 'll send him away . " " It might be , " Misha said , shrugging . " But he 's had more nightmares lately , which I think means he 's working through something in his head . If he 's happy enough here to settle in and accept that he can have this life , then that could be really scary for him . But that doesn 't mean he can be allowed to misbehave . I know you want to just play with him , love him , and hold him , but he needs discipline too . " " I know , I know , " Jared said lifting his head and grinning at Misha . " We 're not beating him , it 's just time - outs , but Misha , his little face when he 's sad ! It 's killer ! " Misha chuckled as he lifted his head off the pillow , then kissed his adorable husband . " I love you so much , Jared . And there 's nobody I can think of I 'd rather raise Jensen with . " Misha sat on the floor and crossed his legs Indian style . " These papers are the ones we 've been telling you about , " he said , holding the papers out between the three of them . " These are the papers that say you 're part of our family . You 're our son now officially . " " And see right there ? " Misha said as he pointed next to Jensen 's name . Jensen nodded . " That says your parents are Jared and Misha Collins . " Jensen sat there for a moment , eyes darting over the page . Neither Jared nor Misha knew if Jensen could read . He 'd point at words sometimes and say them , but it was always with books he knew , so it could be memory recall , but it didn 't matter . The way he was looking at the page was something Jared didn 't think he 'd ever forget . There were times that Jared wished Jensen spoke as much as an adult , but the look on Jensen 's face told him everything he needed to know . Jensen was content , happy . Jared and Misha hadn 't even realized it , but this is what Jensen must 've been waiting for . He hadn 't believed he could stay until the adoption papers went through and he could see the proof . " I don 't know , guys , " Misha said , smirking and voice teasing . " We haven 't had dinner yet . Ice cream might spoil your appetite , " he said with a shrug . " Papa ! " both Jared and Jensen whined together . " Please ! " Jared said , and Jensen followed soon after , both of them giving him puppy dog eyes . " Oh , all right , " Misha said , laughing when they both cheered . " I 've got chocolate , vanilla , and Rocky Road ice cream . What flavor do you want , Jensen ? " " He did ? " Jared said as he glanced at the clock . It was already after ten in the morning , but he 'd pulled a late shift . He 'd really been hoping to sleep until two in the afternoon , but he was a daddy now . Jensen came first . Jensen was much stronger now that he 'd had a regular diet and exercise . He 'd filled out and become too heavy for Misha to carry up the stairs . He looked healthy , happy , and he had a home . Misha smiled . " Okay , Daddy 's gonna get sprinkles , " he said as he put another pancake on Jensen 's plate . " Do you want sprinkles for the hair or do you want it to be the smiley face 's puke ? " " Puke ! " Jensen decided . Misha chuckled . " Good choice , " he said , then dumped some sprinkles over the bacon , which formed the smiley face 's mouth , then poured more of them down the bottom of the pancake and onto the plate . Jared and Jensen both laughed when Misha made a puking sound as he handed the plate to Jensen . When Misha finally sat down , they all dug into their food . Jared looked around the table at his family and felt his eyes well up with tears . He hated how emotional he was at times , but damn did he love his family . Jensen had settled in nicely . And it turned out that he was a little older than Jared and Misha had guessed in terms of what AB stage he preferred , but even at the equivalent of a three - year - old , he still liked being diapered and enjoyed a bottle from time to time . Though Jared and Misha both suspected that was because it was a quiet and special time he got to share with Daddy and Papa . Jared and Misha were happy no matter where Jensen felt comfortable . And even if it changed on a daily basis , they 'd happily go along with it . Jensen was a great kid and completed their little family . Misha and Jared froze , eyes on Jensen . Jensen hadn 't spoken in his normal carefree , child - like voice . He wasn 't smiling too big or bouncing in his seat . He was looking between the both of them , a very serious expression on his face . Jared 's eyes welled up with tears again , but this time he couldn 't stop them from falling . He wiped at his eyes , letting out a chuckle . It wasn 't the first time Jensen had looked at them with eyes that were older than three years , but it was the first time he 'd spoken to them like that . " Oh , " Jared said as if he had no idea that 's what Jensen would want . He 'd already planned on making that cake for Jensen . His kid was going to be twenty - six in just a few days . " Well , I suppose I 'll have to throw out the carrot cake I made for you and make a chocolate sprinkles cake instead , " he said with a shrug . Misha chuckled . Jensen had warmed up to Mark after a number of visits , but Mark was persistent . He had always come over for game nights or movies and pizza before Jensen started living with Jared and Misha , and he really wanted Jensen to accept him . He said he would 've been okay with it if Jensen couldn 't handle him being there , but Mark loved kids , so he didn 't give up . Jensen thought hard about it . Osric had been one of the other kids at the orphanage , and a fellow EMT named Richard Speight had adopted him not long after they 'd adopted Jensen . Jensen was still warming up to Richard , and Richard was working very hard at winning him over , but Jensen liked visiting with Ozzy . Jensen was still shy , especially around people outside their family , and being the center of attention , receiving presents was something that was too overwhelming for him . That also meant they 'd be skipping the birthday song and instead just inhaling their cakes . Which was fine . |
Jensen shivered , another tear running down his cheek . He was sorry . He knew he was a bad boy . But now he was very sorry he 'd cried because his tummy hurt . He knew better than to complain about being hungry , but it hurt so badly that he couldn 't help it . His diaper was wet and soiled , and he had no idea how long he 'd been in the closet . He wasn 't allowed to come out , though . He learned that a long time ago . He had to wait for Rick to come get him . Or maybe he 'd have to stay in the closet long enough that Gary would be coming for him . Jensen 's bottom lip quivered . Gary was even worse than Rick . And if Gary found out Jensen had thrown a temper tantrum , he 'd be in really big trouble . He flinched as strange , loud noises came from outside the closet . He heard the other babies crying , and he heard voices that weren 't the ones he was used to . But every once in a while new guys in scrubs would come to the orphanage , so maybe that 's what was happening . Jensen stayed as still as he could , sucking on his thumb and working very hard at being a good boy even though he was scared . He wanted to rip off his diaper . His skin was itchy and burned , but if he took it off , he 'd be in a lot of trouble . Jensen looked at Mr . Kitty . Mr . Kitty looked very soft . And his eyes were a beautiful shade of blue . Jared slowly held Mr . Kitty out closer to Jensen . Jensen felt bad for Mr . Kitty . He knew what it was like to be scared . He didn 't know why Mr . Kitty thought he 'd be a safe place , but both Jared and Mr . Kitty seemed to be sure of it , so Jensen slowly reached out and wrapped his fingers around Mr . Kitty , then held him close to his chest . He dropped his chin to his chest and let Mr . Kitty 's fur tickle his cheek . " Cool , " Jared said . " Mr . Kitty and I would really like it if you 'd help us find the way out of here . See Mr . Kitty and I are really hungry , and we 'd like to go get something to eat . But Mr . Kitty is too scared to do it alone , and I don 't know my way out of here . Can you help us ? " Jensen shivered again . He hadn 't been outside in a long time . And the last time he 'd been out , he 'd been bad and Gary had hit him . A lot . Jensen nodded , and he hadn 't realized it was possible , but Jared 's smile got even bigger . Jensen liked the way the skin at Jared 's eyes crinkled when he smiled that big . Jensen had never seen anybody smile so big their cheeks got little indentations , but it made Jensen smile just a little bit . Jensen tried not to cry , but another tear made its way down his cheek . He hugged Mr . Kitty tighter to his chest . Mr . Kitty was scared , and Jensen wasn 't helping by crying . Jensen 's stomach growled . It felt as if his stomach was eating itself . He was so hungry he wanted to curl up and cry . But Jared and Mr . Kitty were hungry too , and they were depending on him to help . Jensen held his arms up to Jared , his right hand still holding onto Mr . Kitty . Jared reached down and picked Jensen up . Jensen squeaked as Jared 's left arm braced across his back , hitting a sore spot , but Jared quickly moved his hold on Jensen to a spot that didn 't hurt so much and Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared . Mr . Kitty was even safer now that he was between Jared and Jensen , and Jensen wrapped his right arm around Jared 's neck . " Okay , where do we go now ? " Jared asked . Jensen pointed to the doorway . " Good boy , " he said as he headed through the doorway . " Hey , hey , " Jared said as he looked to Jensen , a reassuring smile on his face . " Everything 's okay . Everybody 's getting adopted ! " Jensen 's chest ached . It had been so long since someone was adopted . He gave up on it ever happening , and now all of them were getting adopted ! But where were Jensen 's new parents ? Jared walked over to an ambulance , and Jensen got excited . He 'd never been this close to an ambulance before . The lights were flashing , but the siren wasn 't going . It didn 't matter . He was still excited to see it . He tried to peek inside , and Jared must 've noticed because he walked around to the back . " Hi , there ! " Ambulance Guy said . He had pretty blue eyes just like Mr . Kitty . His uniform was a lighter blue than Jared 's and it had a patch on the left arm . " Hey , Jensen , check these out , " Misha said , and even though Jensen was scared , the excitement in Misha 's voice had him looking before he realized what he was doing . " The diapers I have are pretty cool . There 's race cars on mine . " Jensen nodded again . He gasped as Jared stepped up into the ambulance . First he got to see an ambulance , then he was in one ! Jared sat down on the bench and put Jensen on his lap , but Jensen was too excited to care that Misha had gotten even closer than before . He was sitting on the rolling bed in front of him . Jensen looked around at the equipment , eyes wide . He 'd always liked going to the doctor . Dr . Morgan had always been really nice to him . In fact it seemed that was the only time he felt safe . If Misha was a doctor like Dr . Morgan , maybe he was nice too . Misha set the diaper down on the rolling bed , then pulled out a box of baby wipes . He held up his phone and a flash of light made Jensen blink . " You wanna pull the tape off your diaper ? " Jensen whimpered and cringed , pushing himself back against Jared . He wasn 't allowed to do that . Last time he 'd done that , his eye had been too swollen to see out of for three days . Jared ran his fingers through Jensen 's hair while Misha pulled the tape from his diaper . Jared 's fingers felt good . He combed through Jensen 's whole head of hair , chuckling when Jensen leaned into the touch . Jensen flinched and turned to look at the man standing just outside the ambulance . He had a funny accent and a scruffy beard . Jensen had felt so safe with Jared and Misha that he 'd relaxed , and now that the man was standing there looking at him and had scared him , Jensen couldn 't stop himself from crying . He cried so hard he couldn 't breathe or see . By the time he caught his breath , he sucked in huge gulps of air and let them out in a long sob . He felt Jared repositioning him on his lap , and by the time he 'd calmed down a little , he realized the doors of the ambulance were closed and Jared was rocking him . Misha gave Jensen a kiss on his forehead . Nobody had given Jensen a kiss since he 'd been at the orphanage . The last time someone had kissed him was back when he 'd had a mommy and a daddy . Mommy had kissed him before they all got in the car for a ride . He missed getting kisses and hugs . Jensen relaxed again , letting Jared gently wipe the tears away . " I 've got an idea , " Misha said , looking between Jared and Jensen . " I 'm going to take us for a ride . We 'll go to the house that Jared and I live in so that you can have a nice warm bath , okay ? " Jensen remembered taking baths . He liked them . His mommy and daddy used to give him baths , and they 'd let him play with toys as long as he wanted to . He hadn 't had a bath in a long time , and showers weren 't nearly as much fun . Jensen nodded , a small smile tugging at his lips . Jared and Misha chuckled . " You got it , kid , " Misha said as he headed toward the front of the ambulance . " I 'll let the guys know what 's going on , Jay , " he said as he looked over his shoulder at Jared . Jensen shook his head , nearly vibrating with excitement . When the sirens started , Jensen jumped , but instead of crying , he chuckled at himself . This was so fun ! Jared carried Jensen into the house while Jensen waved goodbye to the ambulance , Mr . Kitty still held tightly against his chest . Jared walked through the house and into the upstairs bathroom . Jensen liked how Jared 's house smelled . It was clean and didn 't smell like dirty diapers . Jensen frowned down at Mr . Kitty . How could Mr . Kitty not like baths ? They were so fun ! But Jensen knew how awful it was to do things he really didn 't like doing , so he handed Jared Mr . Kitty . Misha kissed Jensen 's back . " I 'm just going to use a soft cloth to get you clean . If it hurts , tell me right away and I 'll stop . " Jensen nodded , squeezing his eyes shut and waiting for the pain . He felt Misha spread his cheeks and whimpered , but Misha was gentle , and there was just a slight burn as Misha cleaned him up . He never saw the flash of light as Misha took another picture of the abuse . Jensen smiled at Misha , happy that he 'd kept his word . He let out a little noise of excitement when Jared lowered him into the tub , then sighed . It felt wonderful . It was just right . Not too hot or too cold . Misha knew just how to run a good bath . Jensen just sat there for a moment , enjoying the way the water warmed him and made his diaper area stop burning . Misha got down on his knees next to the tub and swirled his fingers through the milky water . " We can 't use bubbles right now . The bubbles wouldn 't feel good on your owies . But as soon as your butt 's all better , you 'll get tons of bubbles . " Jensen nodded . He didn 't want bubbles if they were going to make his skin burn . But if Misha said he could have them soon , then he had something to look forward to . Jared got to his knees beside Misha and picked up a washcloth . It was bright orange and yellow with ducks all over it . " Misha put this stuff in the water to make your butt feel better , " he said as he poured more of the milky stuff onto the washcloth . Jensen looked at the toy and grinned , which made Misha laugh . Jensen picked up another squeeze toy like the one Misha had and squeezed it , but nothing came out . It hadn 't made noise either . Jensen gasped , then did exactly what Misha had done with is own fish . When he pulled it back out of the water , he squeezed it because he was so excited . The water shot out and hit Jared in the face . Jensen froze , eyes wide as he held his breath . None of the guys in scrubs had liked it when Jensen splashed them in the shower . Jensen flinched as both Jared and Misha started laughing . It took Jensen a moment to realize they thought he was funny and they weren 't going to punish him . Jensen smiled , then let out a little giggle . " Are you ready for something to eat ? " Misha asked . Jensen nodded so hard he nearly fell over . Misha chuckled . " Okay , then let 's get you out of the tub and dried off . " Jared took a hold of Jensen 's knees and spread his legs , holding them up . Jensen saw another flash of light , and then Jared was putting Jensen 's feet down on the floor , this time his butt was resting on a fresh diaper . He really hoped it was the one with the race cars . Jensen closed his eyes and leaned into the touch as Misha ran his fingers through his hair . Jensen 's daddy used to gently scratch at Jensen 's head while he was falling asleep . It always felt so good . Jensen was about to fall asleep when Jared lifted Jensen 's legs and started putting pajama pants on him . " Doggies ! " Jensen said as he pointed to the pants . Jensen took Jared 's hands and helped pull himself up . Misha crawled around behind him and Jensen saw more flashes of light . He didn 't know why Misha needed so many pictures , but if Misha thought it was important , then that was okay with Jensen . " Arms up , " Jared said , and then slid a soft shirt down over Jensen when Jensen held his arms up . Jared picked Jensen up , this time avoiding all the sore spots on his back and legs . Misha passed by them and headed down the stairs in front of them . " Here , " Jared said as he grabbed the bag and took out a carrot . " Take bites , " he said as he held the carrot firmly , not letting Jensen take it , but instead touching it to Jensen 's lips . " Just take bites . I won 't take it away from you . I just don 't want you to hurt your tummy . " But wait ! Jared and Misha hadn 't been mean to him so far . Even when he 'd squirted Jared with water they 'd laughed and had still been nice to him . Jared pulled another carrot out of the bag , but instead of waiting , Jensen grabbed the bag , shoved his fingers in , and pulled out three carrots . Before he could shove them in his mouth , Jared stopped him , a hand around Jensen 's wrist . Jensen whined and tried to pull away from Jared . Misha was lifting Jensen 's upper body by the time Jensen realized what he 'd done . He was too hungry to care before , but now he was scared . He 'd hurt Jared and probably made both Jared and Misha mad . Misha wrapped his arms around Jensen and picked him up , having more difficulty with that than Jared had , but soon he was sitting Jensen down on a kitchen chair . Jensen looked for Jared , who was on his knees , curled up and cupping his crotch , panting and wincing . Jensen didn 't want to put his arms down , but he felt bad for hurting Jared . Jared had been so nice to him , and Jensen had just kicked him . He was a bad boy . Jensen slowly dropped his arms and opened his eyes . Misha was on his knees in front of the chair Jensen was curled up on . He didn 't look mad , but he really didn 't look happy either . Jensen lifted his head from his knees . " If you eat too fast , you 're going to throw up , " Misha said . " I know you 're very hungry , but Jared was only trying to help . We don 't hurt each other in this family . " " You need to tell Jared you 're sorry , " Misha said . " We 're not going to take away your food if you don 't behave , so I don 't want you to be worried about that . But it was very mean to hurt Jared , so you need to apologize . I 'm going to go get your bottle . You can have it even if you don 't apologize , but I 'd really like it if you behaved and apologized to Jared . " " I know you 're scared and really hungry , " Jared said . " You 're going to get enough food here . You don 't have to worry about stuff like that . We 'll take care of you . " Jensen didn 't know if he could believe Jared . It had been so long since he didn 't have to worry about whether he would get food or not . Whether he 'd get a new diaper or sit around all day in a soiled one . Whether he 'd get hit or locked in the closet . Jensen took the bottle and immediately started sucking on it , still hugging Jared with one arm . It tasted so much better than what he got at the orphanage . It was warm and already he could feel it filling his belly . " I know , baby , " Misha said . " And you 'll get more later . Just relax and in a few minutes you 'll feel full . " Jensen started to cry softly . His tummy still hurt . It was still growling . They hadn 't lied to him yet , but couldn 't they see he was still hungry ? " Hi ! I 'm the bus driver , " Jared said as he held the book up so Jensen could see the pages . There was a man in a funny hat . " Listen , I 've got to leave for a little while , so can you watch things for me until I get back ? Thanks . Oh , and remember : Don 't let the pigeon drive the bus ! " Jensen was asleep before the end of the book . He dreamed that he was a pigeon who was driving a bus . Jared was the bus driver and Misha was the bus . Misha was a funny bus . " They all need help , " Jared said , rubbing Jensen 's belly , one of the few places the kid didn 't have a bruise in various stages of healing . " They 're all so dependent on others for everything , and it just kills me that people can be so cruel as to hurt them . He 's a good kid . And they just . . . , " he said , trailing off as he looked down at the bruise on Jensen 's left ankle . " It 's a good sign that he 's already falling asleep so easily on me , " Misha said . " I think this one 's gonna be okay . And he apologized for hurting you . How many of these little ones have we fostered who couldn 't comprehend hitting was something to be sorry for ? " " You 're coming with me to the doctor 's appointment tomorrow morning , " Misha announced . " He 's already looking to you for protection . He feels safe with you . " " The doctor will check him out , " Misha reassured him . " But if Jensen tried to get up and fell , that means he hasn 't been immobile long enough to give up trying . Hopefully it 's just because of the bruising . " " Not yet , " Misha said . " I 'm sure he 'll call later . They 're still going through all the records and matching the kids up with their profiles . I 'm so glad you did that one last sweep . We were about to leave him there . " " He 's gonna get better , Jay , " Misha said with confidence . " He 's been there this long and he 's still a fighter . A broken kid isn 't gonna kick you in the nuts , " he said with a grin . Jensen woke up feeling warm and comfortable . He couldn 't remember the last time that happened , and as he opened his eyes , he expected to find himself in a dream where he was back with Mommy and Daddy . Instead Misha was looking down at him , smiling . Jensen 's thumb had fallen out of his mouth while he was sleeping , so he pushed it back in . Then he reached up with his right hand and traced Misha 's eyebrows . Misha didn 't flinch , didn 't pull away , and instead closed his eyes , letting Jensen do as he pleased . Jensen ran his finger down Misha 's cheek . Jensen tried to sit up , so Misha shifted him so that Jensen 's butt was on the couch cushion next to him , legs still draped over Misha 's lap . " Uh - huh ! " Jensen said as he nodded . " Hungry ! " " I 'm glad he went down when he did , " Jared said as he draped his jeans over the chair in the corner . " I hate telling him he has to stop eating when he 's so underweight . I know it 's better for him , but he doesn 't care . All he knows is his tummy hurts . " Misha nodded . " Yeah , he was in the middle of the back seat , safe in his car seat . He came out of it with a few scrapes and bruises , but his parents both died . " Misha shrugged . " I 'm not sure . He didn 't talk for a while after the accident and had trouble adjusting to life in the orphanage . The notes are few and far between , most likely because of the way they 've been treating the kids at the orphanage . " " I don 't think the abuse started right away , " Misha said . " There was a changover about four years ago . New caregivers , owners , staff , and less government funding . " Misha shook his head . " No . Most of the kids were there long - term . The owners didn 't feed the kids much , didn 't change their diapers enough or bathe them as often as they should , so it kept their running costs down , then they pocketed the money from the government . " Misha turned off the lights , and they both fell asleep . Neither one of them slept hard . They both had an ear out for any noise Jensen might make on the baby monitor . Jensen woke to the sound of Misha humming . He opened his eyes and sat up in his crib . Misha hadn 't heard him , too busy folding the clean clothes and putting them away , so Jensen got to his knees and whimpered . Jensen smiled and reached up . Misha picked him up , grunting a little as he situated the boy on his hip . Jensen wrapped his legs and arms around Misha as Misha headed for the changing table . He set Jensen down , then pulled out a fresh diaper and cream . He 'd already set a wet washcloth on the table , knowing that Jensen would be up soon . Jensen 's skin was still too red and sore to use a baby wipe . " Hey , baby boy ! " Jared said , waving at Jensen with one hand while the other held the handle of the frying pan . " You like eggs ? " Jared dished up all the food , then brought everything over to the table while Misha put a bib on Jensen . Once they were all seated , Jared put Jensen 's plate in front of him . Jensen looked to Jared expectantly , and Jared smiled , shaking his head when Misha chuckled . " All three of us are going to go somewhere today , baby , " Misha said , turning to look at Jensen . Jensen 's eyes widened , a little scared . " It 's nothing to be worried about . All three of us are going to go to the doctor . " Misha led them down the hallway , then walked into the exam room . He was glad he went first because he was able to see Jensen 's face when he saw the doctor . The biggest smile Misha had seen yet lit up Jensen 's face and Jared almost dropped Jensen when he squirmed in Jared 's arms . Misha 's chest ached as he watched the sheer excitement on Jensen 's face . It was good to see Jensen able to be happy and thrilled about things . Misha knew the traumas he 'd suffered at the orphanage weren 't going to pop out of existence , but there was hope that Jensen could have a happy and fulfilling life . " Jensen 's mother was terrified of doctors , " Misha whispered while Dr . Morgan let Jensen try out his stethoscope on Mr . Kitty . " She didn 't want him to be afraid of doctors too , so she always acted like it was a treat to go . Dr . Morgan said Jensen was always his easiest AB to work with and he really missed him when he couldn 't see him anymore . " Jensen giggled , then set Mr . Kitty down next to him and held his arms up . Dr . Morgan took Jensen 's shirt off and handed it to Jared . Dr . Morgan took a quick look at Jensen 's back , then wrapped his arm around Jensen 's middle , right where Jared had learned he had to hold Jensen to avoid the bruises , and lifted enough to get the jeans down . Jensen laughed , raising his shoulders and pulling away . Misha turned to look at Jared , already expecting the tears in his husband 's eyes , and he wasn 't disappointed . It was the first time they 'd heard Jensen laugh that hard . Jensen nodded , then scooted back , lying down on the examination table . It was wonderful to see the trust Jensen had in Dr . Morgan . He didn 't look scared , didn 't hesitate to spread himself out , and he wasn 't looking to Jared or Misha for reassurance . " These are special wipes , " Dr . Morgan said . " Only doctors like me get these . They 've got special medicine in them and they don 't burn . " " How about I make a deal with you ? " Dr . Morgan said , getting Jensen 's attention . " I 'll use just the corner of this wipe on your leg where you 're not as red , and if it burns , I promise I 'll throw it right in the garbage and I won 't use it on you . " Jensen nodded and watched carefully as Dr . Morgan wiped his leg . Jensen gasped , but didn 't cry . When Dr . Morgan lifted his hand away from Jensen 's leg , Jensen smiled . Jared breathed a sigh of relief and Misha turned his face into Jared 's shirt to stifle his chuckle . Jared was a big guy , people were sometimes intimidated by him . And if pushed , Jared could be a take charge , scary guy if he needed to be , but when it came right down to it Jared could be a big old softie . And Misha loved him for it . " Are you ready ? " Dr . Morgan asked as he held the wipe over Jensen 's crotch . " I 'm going to wipe everything down now , all right ? " Jensen nodded , not worried anymore . Dr . Morgan used gentle strokes to clean Jensen up , not wiping over any one area more than a couple times . Jensen never cried , though he did gasp a few times , especially when Dr . Morgan wiped under his balls . Misha stepped forward . " I wiped under his balls , but I didn 't lift them to look , " he said , feeling horrible . Jensen had winced when he 'd done it , but he figured it was just because the washcloth was cold and Jensen 's poor skin was so red and sore . " Did somebody hit you there ? " Dr . Morgan asked . Jensen nodded , so Dr . Morgan balled his hand into a fist . " Did somebody hit you like this ? " Jensen 's lips twitched into a small smile as he reached out and took Misha 's right hand in his , holding on tightly . Misha kept running his fingers through Jensen 's hair . The boy seemed to really like it , and he could use all the comfort he could handle right now . Misha smiled as he nodded . " Thank you , Dr . Morgan . " He felt Jared come up behind him and rest his hands on his shoulders . Jared must 've felt the need to be closer . Dr . Morgan chuckled . " Sorry , little man . We can 't do bubbles for a while . You gotta wait until you don 't have owies anymore , okay ? " " Jared ? " Dr . Morgan said , then nodded toward a table in the corner of the room with some books on it . " Would you mind grabbing the book on the top , please ? Jensen really likes Guess How Much I Love You , " he said , giving Jared a significant look . Jared nodded and grabbed the book , then walked around to the far side of the examination table , putting him on Jensen 's left side . " Hey , buddy , I 've never read this book before . Is it a cool book ? " Misha saw Dr . Morgan pull a swab out from a drawer and set it between Jensen 's legs . He then took Jensen 's penis in his left hand and pulled the foreskin down . Jensen was too busy pointing at the rabbits with his free hand to care what Dr . Morgan was doing . Misha was impressed . Dr . Morgan was really good at this . Dr . Morgan used two more swabs to take samples of the sore under Jensen 's balls , which was numb by now , and also the red skin between Jensen 's cheeks . Dr . Morgan chuckled again . " It 's easy to do . If my life wasn 't as hectic as it is , I 'd have taken him years ago . " " You know full well that foster parents are prime candidates for adoption , " Dr . Morgan said . " You could get him so easily it 's not even funny . And he 's already bonded with you . " " He 's just in need of care right now , " Misha said , shaking his head . Dr . Morgan turned to Misha and glared at him . " You really don 't see that he 's bonded already ? " he asked . " No , he doesn 't , " Dr . Morgan said . " Even before the abuse in the orphanage started , I couldn 't let my nurses come in here with me when I examined him . He barely tolerated the caretakers from the orphanage being in here . " " Okay , I hate to do this to him , " Dr . Morgan said , " but this is how much I want you to take this seriously . I 'm going to finish up my examination and call in one of the nurses . It 's one he 's never seen before , so there 's no bad blood . I think you 'll be surprised . " " Oh , I 'm sorry , " Dr . Morgan said . " I don 't have race car diapers here . But I do have diapers with puppies on them . Would those be all right with you ? " Misha nodded and reached out , helping Jensen sit up . He turned Jensen so the doctor could look at Jensen 's back , chuckling when Jensen gave him a quick kiss on the cheek . Dr . Morgan gave him a significant look over Jensen 's shoulder and Misha rolled his eyes . Jared made a choking noise and Misha 's eyes widened as he forgot to breathe . But before either man could ask why the hell Dr . Morgan was referring to blood tests like that , Jensen cheered , wriggling on the table and smiling . Jared looked to Misha , confused expression on his face as Misha shrugged . Dr . Morgan walked to the door and opened it , then stuck his head around the corner . " Anna ? Could you come here a minute , please ? " Dr . Morgan held the door open while a woman walked in . He handed her the bag with the vial in it and instructed her on where to send it . Jensen , on the other hand , scooted forward and pushed his face against Misha 's shoulder , wrapping his arms and legs around Misha and whimpering as he shivered . Misha looked up at Jared , eyes wide as they both stood there dumbfounded . Jensen had been doing so well . Sure , he 'd freaked out over Mark the day before , but the poor kid had been scared out of his mind then . Right ? " Hey , sweetie , " Misha said as he gently rubbed Jensen 's back . " It 's okay . She 's not going to hurt you . " " He 's not a stray dog , " Jared said . " I know that . But he 's already so comfortable with us and it 's what we knew we wanted to do eventually anyway . " " He 's only been with us a little over a day , " Misha said . " He 's been through a lot . There 's going to be behavioral problems and a whole lot of shit that comes with victims of abuse . " " I think it would be better for him if we decided soon instead of stringing him along , " Jared said . " With all the foster kids , we made it clear they were here to wait for a new mommy or daddy . I don 't know if you 've noticed , but neither of us have said that to Jensen yet . " Jared chuckled . " Yeah , me too . I wanted him from the moment he looked up at me from that closet with hope in his eyes , looking at me like he was just hoping I could be the one to get him out of that shithole . " " If we do this , we can 't take it back , " Misha said . " I can 't tell him to call us Daddy and Papa , then send him away . I won 't do it . " " He 's an AB , not a baby , " Jared said . " He 's at whatever level he wants and needs to be . And if he 's interacting this much already , maybe he 's not at the age level we assumed he was . The way Dr . Morgan talked to him makes me think we could get his feelings on this and then make a decision . He 's been traumatized , but he 's not an idiot . He won 't be making the decision himself , only letting us know how he feels about it all . " " Yes , " Jared said without hesitation . " I 've wanted this since I was a teenager . You know that . I have no doubts that we can make this work . If you decide we shouldn 't do this right now , I 'll be okay with it because I love you and I want you to be on - board with whatever decisions we make together , but I 'm one hundred percent ready for this . " It was normal , and even though it wasn 't easy , Jared and Misha were trying to stay calm and deal with it . Jared had pulled a 36 - hour shift because of another raid that took much longer than everyone had expected , and he had just gotten home a few hours ago . He 'd been asleep seconds after his head hit the pillow . He stood up , wincing as he did . His ass and arm both hurt , but he didn 't want to miss the appointment with the physical therapist . Jensen was making good progress . Misha sputtered as Jared walked out of the room , Jensen crying and begging to not be hit . It wasn 't until then that he realized Jensen was scared . Misha had scared Jensen . Misha wouldn 't have hurt Jensen , but he was upset , and Jensen had picked up on it . Misha felt like shit . He 'd known this wouldn 't be all puppy dog tails and fluffy clouds . It was hard taking care of an AB . Rewarding yes , but hard . Misha knew Jared wouldn 't hit Jensen , but Jensen didn 't know that yet . He was still terrified whenever Jared or Misha looked even the least bit upset . Misha could hear Jared talking softly to Jensen , but he couldn 't tell what he was saying . He stood up and walked to the sink , wetting a washcloth and wringing it out . He 'd been angry , but even as upset as he 'd been , he wouldn 't have hurt Jensen . But now Jensen was crying . They 'd made a lot of progress from the first time they 'd been to Jim Beaver . Jensen had done nothing but cry and hide his face in Jared 's shirt the first few times they 'd had an appointment . Now Jensen liked Jim enough that he was feeling bad about possibly showing up late to an appointment with the man . " Okay , you need to listen to me and Daddy , even when you don 't want to , " Misha said . " We 're not going to do anything to hurt you . When we tell you to do something , it 's because it 's going to help you . Like when I told you to get out of the tub so we can go see Jim . " And then there was this new thing . Jared stood there with his eyes open wide in surprise as Jensen kneeled in the pile of clothes , toys , diapers , and wipes he 'd thrown on the floor . All the drawers and closet doors were open . Jensen didn 't need constant supervision . Sometimes he was okay playing with his toys on the floor while Jared or Misha were close by and either doing chores or running a bath . Not this time . Jared frowned . This was new . He was nearly overwhelmingly excited that Jensen wasn 't scared of him , but he had no idea why Jensen would do this on purpose and sit there so unashamedly gloating . Jensen was able to walk now , but Jared didn 't want even more of a mess down the hallway . He stripped Jensen in the bathroom , then helped him into the tub . Jensen acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary and insisted upon Jared playing with some toys while he had his bath . Jensen was smirking . That same little smirk Jared had seen all day long . No remorse , no scared little boy who was scared of getting hit . Something was up , but Jared wasn 't sure what to do about it . Misha picked up Jensen 's plate and set it down on the TV table near Jensen . " You 're going to eat over here instead of with me and Daddy . If you apologize , then you can eat with us again . " Jensen frowned and looked to Jared , as if Daddy would save him . Jared just shook his head and took another bite of food . " Wanna eat with you ! " Jensen said , pouting up at Misha . " Um , oh , " Jared said , trying to concentrate on Misha instead of Jensen . " After you left we finished breakfast and played outside for a while . Jensen had a bath after that because he got into the baby powder and dusted his room with it . " Misha stood up . " Okay , you can eat with us , " he said as he picked Jensen up and set him back down on his usual chair at the table . He then went over to the fridge and poured some milk into a clean Sippy cup and brought it to the table . Jared let out a sigh of relief . He wasn 't sure he was going to be able to take much more of the crying . Jensen had sounded so sad . He was glad Jensen had changed his mind . " I think so , " Misha said . " But because of the abuse , there 's a twist to it . He 's pushing to see if there 's a breaking point where you 'll send him away . " " It might be , " Misha said , shrugging . " But he 's had more nightmares lately , which I think means he 's working through something in his head . If he 's happy enough here to settle in and accept that he can have this life , then that could be really scary for him . But that doesn 't mean he can be allowed to misbehave . I know you want to just play with him , love him , and hold him , but he needs discipline too . " " I know , I know , " Jared said lifting his head and grinning at Misha . " We 're not beating him , it 's just time - outs , but Misha , his little face when he 's sad ! It 's killer ! " Misha chuckled as he lifted his head off the pillow , then kissed his adorable husband . " I love you so much , Jared . And there 's nobody I can think of I 'd rather raise Jensen with . " Misha sat on the floor and crossed his legs Indian style . " These papers are the ones we 've been telling you about , " he said , holding the papers out between the three of them . " These are the papers that say you 're part of our family . You 're our son now officially . " " And see right there ? " Misha said as he pointed next to Jensen 's name . Jensen nodded . " That says your parents are Jared and Misha Collins . " Jensen sat there for a moment , eyes darting over the page . Neither Jared nor Misha knew if Jensen could read . He 'd point at words sometimes and say them , but it was always with books he knew , so it could be memory recall , but it didn 't matter . The way he was looking at the page was something Jared didn 't think he 'd ever forget . There were times that Jared wished Jensen spoke as much as an adult , but the look on Jensen 's face told him everything he needed to know . Jensen was content , happy . Jared and Misha hadn 't even realized it , but this is what Jensen must 've been waiting for . He hadn 't believed he could stay until the adoption papers went through and he could see the proof . " I don 't know , guys , " Misha said , smirking and voice teasing . " We haven 't had dinner yet . Ice cream might spoil your appetite , " he said with a shrug . " Papa ! " both Jared and Jensen whined together . " Please ! " Jared said , and Jensen followed soon after , both of them giving him puppy dog eyes . " Oh , all right , " Misha said , laughing when they both cheered . " I 've got chocolate , vanilla , and Rocky Road ice cream . What flavor do you want , Jensen ? " " He did ? " Jared said as he glanced at the clock . It was already after ten in the morning , but he 'd pulled a late shift . He 'd really been hoping to sleep until two in the afternoon , but he was a daddy now . Jensen came first . Jensen was much stronger now that he 'd had a regular diet and exercise . He 'd filled out and become too heavy for Misha to carry up the stairs . He looked healthy , happy , and he had a home . Misha smiled . " Okay , Daddy 's gonna get sprinkles , " he said as he put another pancake on Jensen 's plate . " Do you want sprinkles for the hair or do you want it to be the smiley face 's puke ? " " Puke ! " Jensen decided . Misha chuckled . " Good choice , " he said , then dumped some sprinkles over the bacon , which formed the smiley face 's mouth , then poured more of them down the bottom of the pancake and onto the plate . Jared and Jensen both laughed when Misha made a puking sound as he handed the plate to Jensen . When Misha finally sat down , they all dug into their food . Jared looked around the table at his family and felt his eyes well up with tears . He hated how emotional he was at times , but damn did he love his family . Jensen had settled in nicely . And it turned out that he was a little older than Jared and Misha had guessed in terms of what AB stage he preferred , but even at the equivalent of a three - year - old , he still liked being diapered and enjoyed a bottle from time to time . Though Jared and Misha both suspected that was because it was a quiet and special time he got to share with Daddy and Papa . Jared and Misha were happy no matter where Jensen felt comfortable . And even if it changed on a daily basis , they 'd happily go along with it . Jensen was a great kid and completed their little family . Misha and Jared froze , eyes on Jensen . Jensen hadn 't spoken in his normal carefree , child - like voice . He wasn 't smiling too big or bouncing in his seat . He was looking between the both of them , a very serious expression on his face . Jared 's eyes welled up with tears again , but this time he couldn 't stop them from falling . He wiped at his eyes , letting out a chuckle . It wasn 't the first time Jensen had looked at them with eyes that were older than three years , but it was the first time he 'd spoken to them like that . " Oh , " Jared said as if he had no idea that 's what Jensen would want . He 'd already planned on making that cake for Jensen . His kid was going to be twenty - six in just a few days . " Well , I suppose I 'll have to throw out the carrot cake I made for you and make a chocolate sprinkles cake instead , " he said with a shrug . Misha chuckled . Jensen had warmed up to Mark after a number of visits , but Mark was persistent . He had always come over for game nights or movies and pizza before Jensen started living with Jared and Misha , and he really wanted Jensen to accept him . He said he would 've been okay with it if Jensen couldn 't handle him being there , but Mark loved kids , so he didn 't give up . Jensen thought hard about it . Osric had been one of the other kids at the orphanage , and a fellow EMT named Richard Speight had adopted him not long after they 'd adopted Jensen . Jensen was still warming up to Richard , and Richard was working very hard at winning him over , but Jensen liked visiting with Ozzy . Jensen was still shy , especially around people outside their family , and being the center of attention , receiving presents was something that was too overwhelming for him . That also meant they 'd be skipping the birthday song and instead just inhaling their cakes . Which was fine . |
I have flights booked to go to England on 20th November . The intention was literally a flying visit . . . to stay for just one week . But I miss my daughter and Billy so much , a week is better than nothing at all . I haven 't seen them since May and it seems such a long time . Before she had Billy she worked as manager of a Montessori School . She loved her work . She loves children and I 've never known such a " natural " . She has so much patience . . . I 've no idea where this comes from . Not me I 'm sure . I could never have found the stamina to work with young children . After she had Billy , she decided to become a registered Childminder so that she could work at home . She , like many young mums still has to work . One salary these days is just not enough to survive for many couples . She has always been adamant that she didn 't want to put Billy into a day nursery . . . she has some experience of them and wasn 't impressed , and certainly wouldn 't have been happy to place Billy in that environment . Becoming a childminder these days is a lengthy and thorough process . I remember years ago having a couple of friends who were registered childminders . All that was necessary at that time was for someone to come out and check that your house was safe , gather a couple of references , and that was more or less that . She attended a course every week for a couple of months . Childminders are now registered by Ofsted so the environment in which they are cared for has to be absolutely safe . So there were many visits to her flat to check it out , and of course she had to have police checks too . The whole process takes about 6 months and finally she was up and running . She was already collecting two boys ( sons of a friend ) from school each day and taking them to their home along with Billy , looking after them until their mother and father returned from work at around 6pm . These two are now officially being " childminded " in my daughter 's home , after she collects them from school each day . She also has another pre - school child who attends nursery school three mornings a week , and she collects him and looks after him for the rest of the day . It 's a hell of a job for her . They live in a top floor flat with lots of stairs and no lift . She 's pregnant with her second child , and she 's up and down stairs all day with Billy and her mindees . This week is half term and she has all of them full time . Last Friday she received a call from the housing association offering them a house . She had to view it on Monday ( the first day of half term ! ) and they had to make an immediate decision , and be prepared to move within two weeks , or the house would be offered to the next person on the list . Of course they have accepted the offer . Not only does this remove all the stress of the stairs , but it has a garden and is also very close to Billy 's paternal grandparents , who are a tremendous help to them . Naturally there is very little she can do this week and my son - in - law is unable to take any time of work this month . They will have the keys on Friday and will spend the weekend making Billy 's room habitable . . . the only one that needs some work . . . and then they will move the following weekend . So as I said . . . she has an awful lot on her plate just now . I spent yesterday trying to change my flights , to see if I could go over sooner , ie within the next two weeks . No chance . . . there 's nothing before the flight I already have booked for 20th November . It 's so frustrating . I have time to spare and could be of much more use there than here . However , I did manage to change my return flight to extend my stay by another week . So I will be there for two weeks rather than one . Maybe she will still have jobs that need doing then and I 'll tell her to make a list for me ! Today I also looked in my fridge and found just one egg , and about 150g margarine , and of course I have all the usual things like flour , sugar and baking powder in the cupboard so I decided to make some of my easy muffins . I used a mixture of raspberry and strawberry jam for flavour and found a handful of sultanas in the cupboard and threw them in . This is just the easiest muffin recipe I 've ever used , and very adaptable . I am thinking about using some of my fig jam next time with chopped walnuts . I 'd be interested in hearing from anyone with other suggestions for flavours . . . do let me know . The inspiration came in a roundabout way from David McMahon 's blog because I really enjoy his " Verse and Worse " posts , where he encourages his followers to respond in rhyme . It 's great fun . If you 've never visited his blog , take a look , you won 't be disappointed in his wonderful photos , and his lighthearted look at life . He had taken a break from blogging for a year . Some of you may have followed him in the past , so in case you didn 't realise , he 's now back . I was on a course some years ago , and before the day started I found a vending machine and decided to grab a coffee . I put the coins in , pressed the selection buttons . . . coffee . . . with milk . . . no sugar . . . . then start . The dried coffee came out . . . then the powdered milk . . . then the hot water . But there was no cup to catch it . So I stood there trying to catch it in my cupped hands . . . . . just as I noticed that the plastic cups were standing next to the machine . I was supposed to place one under the funnel first . Imagine my embarrassment as I struggled to transfer the coffee in my hands into a plastic cup , kindly passed to me by one of several people who had been standing behind me watching the whole time . It 's what life is all about these days isn 't it ? Aiming to be famous . . . to be a celebrity . It 's the big dream of the young . No driving ambition to do well at school or university ( if you are actually able to afford a place ! ) . No desire to become a doctor , or teacher , or any worthwhile job that might enable you to change or improve peoples ' lives . Just look at shows like the X Factor , where for months on end , thousands upon thousands of people join massive queues , for a chance to audition and hopefully get a place on the show . When they get there , and are interviewed , they all repeat the same mantra . " It 's my dream , it 's all I ever wanted " . And they are devastated when they don 't make it through to the finals . Although even those that go on to win , are often never heard of again . And take Big Brother . . . oh thank goodness that 's finished now . It had certainly well over - run it 's course . Ordinary people , sitting around , and doing nothing , in a house full of cameras , for weeks and weeks . . . just for the chance to become a " celebrity " . What about Katie Price ( formerly known as Jordan ) . . . now here is someone who has turned " celebrity " into an art form . You have to admire the woman for managing to make a career out of doing . . . well what is it that she does ? Oh yes . . . she has cameras following her and then it 's called a TV programme . She is surely the queen of celebrities . And talking of Cheryl Cole , brings me to the fickleness of Joe or Jane Public . Let 's build these celebrities up . . . put them on a pedestal . . just so we can enjoy knocking them off . What prompted me to write this post was reading the latest " news " report on Cheryl Cole . . . but mostly I was intrigued by the comments on the article in question . It 's hard to understand what makes people so hateful . They make the nastiest comments about someone they don 't know . . . have never met . Why motivates them to show such vitriol ? I think it 's simply jealousy . It 's what so many aspire to , but know they will never achieve . So instead of saying " good luck to him / her " . . . they show their resentment by posting their comments on newspapers . Although to be fair , the public are very much encouraged by the sort of stuff written by journalists about celebrities . . . almost like they are encouraging people to knock them down . And I posted a photo of Cheryl deliberately because I 'm wondering if I am one of the few who actually thinks she 's a nice person . Of course I don 't know her , but she comes across as being a nice girl . And she 's proof that celebrity status doesn 't necessarily give you the perfect life . Maybe it 's because I 'm older and maybe wiser that I have no feelings of envy or jealousy towards celebrities . I 'll admit to thinking that they shouldn 't really earn the huge amounts of money that some of them do when they have little or no talent . But generally , I just think . . . good luck to them because they are living in an age where " celebrity " seems more important than anything else so they are just taking advantage of the opportunity . I have mentioned briefly about the woman who lives in the house just below us . She has learning disabilities as far as I can establish . . . although the Turks will just attach the label " she has a mental problem " . People in the village are kind , they give things to this woman and her husband . When she was sick last year , two neighbours went in and washed her thoroughly , with hot water that we provided . When my FIL was here recently we had a discussion about this woman and mental health / learning disabilities in general . He has a typical Turkish attitude . He is a good muslim , he gives to those less fortunate than him , and just assumes that people like this woman , don 't actually understand anything , so everyone must help . I did try to explain that just helping . . . ie just giving things . . although kind , doesn 't actually achieve much in enabling this woman to have the best possible life that she can . That it would be better for people to spend time teaching her how to wash herself and her clothes , how to shop for food , how to cook , how to keep her house and garden clean . FIL 's response was that she doesn 't understand because she has a mental problem . I found myself having a similar conversation last night with Mr A . Unfortunately he shares some of his father 's opinions on the subject . But to be fair he did listen to what I had to say . I tried to explain that it 's so important for these people to be treated as human beings , and that we shouldn 't just be GIVING and DOING but that we should be ENABLING . This is the only way that this woman and others like her will ever gain self respect and achieve a better way of life . At the moment this woman and her husband live in absolute squalor . They never wash themselves or their clothes . They don 't clean their house or garden . They don 't cook . The rubbish piles up , causing a health hazard to them and others around them . . . until it reaches a point where a neighbour will just go in and light a bonfire to burn it all . Their toilet is just a pile of bricks in a semi - circle in their garden where they squat and do their business . Although to be honest the woman would often just come out of her house and squat in front of it . No - one has bothered to explain to her that this is not acceptable . . . until Mr A noticed one day last year . He told her that it was wrong . He said that if her husband would build up their " outside toilet " with more bricks he would give them wood to put on the top to make a roof . . . which he did . I 've not seen her squat just outside the house since . . . . so she DOES understand ! Last night I did feel a bit like I was wasting my time talking to Mr A about what could be done to enable this woman to achieve more . So imagine my surprise this morning to find him out in the garden talking to her over the wall . He was telling her how to tidy up and clean her garden . He was very patient with her and repeated himself many times , but finally she got the message , and has been spending the past hour or so having a good sort out ! A bit later I heard him talking to our neighbour Şevke , and saying wouldn 't it be nice if she and some of the other women could take some time to teach the woman how to wash and to cook . I 'm hoping that they will although you can 't force people to do something that seems alien to them . You know how much I love the Turks . They are kind and generous people . . . they have good hearts . They will do anything for anyone . They just don 't have the knowledge or experience to deal effectively with mental health problems or learning disabilities . It 's difficult to change attitudes . It takes time . But if we can enable just one person to become independent it has to be worth the effort . This morning I read this article in Todays Zaman where the Mayor of Istanbul is talking about improvements that need to be made to buildings in the city . They 've had 11 years to take action since the big earthquake that saw the loss of 18 , 000 lives . But just by reading this article , it 's clear to see that no - one is really taking any responsibility . We are having really nasty weather at the moment . Gale force winds accompanied by storms and torrential rain . Strangely though , it 's still warm , temperatures in the 70sF . At the bottom of the hill in the village , the roads are beginning to flood , and the centre of Milas is the same . The rain shows no sign of letting up so I have a feeling we could be stranded anytime now . However , because of the weather my signal is quite weak so the screen keeps freezing . So much so that it 's impossible to watch . It rained continually through the night so this morning found me mopping up water that has leaked into the house through the uPVC panels and window frames . So we now have rolled up towels around every window frame and along the skirting boards under the uPVC panel in the sitting room . Thank goodness we still have a pile of towels from the hamam business . . . I 'm going to need them ! Mr A and I spoke last week about getting silicone to redo the window frames on the outside . . . yes we spoke about it and did nothing . . . and now the rain has beaten us to it . I was just finishing the mopping up when suddenly there was a flash of lightening . . . only one . . . and there have been none since . But that one flash was enough . . . yes you 've guessed it . . . it hit my modem AGAİN . The phone line is also dead . Unlike the last time this happened , when the modem expoded into thousands of pieces . . . this time there was just a pop . . . and all the lights went out except the " power " light . We phoned my kind friend Mr Keleş at TTNet in Milas , who referred us to a colleague who told us to bring the modem into Milas to be checked . So off we went , the car wading through water all the way there . Waiting for us was Mr Umit . . . also a very helpful man . He tested the modem and said it was not working , but there was a chance it could be fixed but would have to be sent away . Mr A used his Delboy charm as usual and persuaded Mr Umit to lend us another modem to use in the meantime . We then bought a better adaptor , one with short circuit protection , which hopefully will prevent the same thing from happening again . So I am now using Mr A 's mobile device plugged into my laptop , and I am connected . However this clever little thing doesn 't have enough power or bandwith . . . or whatever . . . for me to run my TV website . So still no TV . But I am connected to the internet . . . even though it is very slow . . . and I 'm very grateful for that . At least I 'm not completely cut off from the outside world . Mr A started selling the mesir macunu products again on Sunday , and it was a reasonably good start . Yesterday , however , he sold nothing . . . but the weather was so bad I doubt anyone would venture out of their houses to look at his wares . Today is even worse , but not to be deterred , he had an idea which he has put to the supplier . He has offered to talk to shopkeepers in the bigger towns , to see if they are interested in stocking the products . If they are , he will refer them to the supplier to place an order , and Mr A will get 10 % of the cost of the order . He has to do nothing else other than refer them . I think this is an excellent idea , and it doesn 't clash with Mr A 's market as he only sells to villages . So he has now set off through the floods to Milas again , where he knows of at least 4 or 5 shops that may be interested . Meanwhile , I 'm still mopping up . I 'm trying to find somewhere that 's not damp to dry my washing . I 'm wishing for my phone and internet connection to be restored " soon " but I don 't hold out much hope . I think it 's likely to be extremely difficult for the engineers to carry out the work in this awful weather . Even though this post could be interpreted as Ayak just having another moan about life ( which you are all used to by now ! ) I 'm actually quite happy . Must be the effects of the bad weather ! That little sign above is what has been appearing on my screen every time I click on the link for the website to check if normal service has been resumed . What is so irritating about it is that it refers to " scheduled maintenance " . If it was scheduled , then why was there no warning to their subscribers that this was about to happen ? I had tried to get the site on Saturday morning , and at first I had the error HTTP404 message , then later " very busy . . . try later " . Then eventually the little red message appeared . Occasionally though I click on the link and get taken to another website . . . with the same name . . . which is under construction . . . don 't understand that at all . He still thinks he can sell the mesir macunu products . So ( you may ask ) why did he return the rest of the stock at the beginning of the week for a refund ? Well it would seem that the remaining products were ones that weren 't so popular . He found another supplier today who has more of a variety of products on offer , some of which are cheaper . An order was placed , a price given , but then we were quite shocked to learn the cost of sending it by cargo . Cargo costs in Turkey are usually pretty reasonable but this company charges by the kilo and its expensive . We would also have had to pay a fee for paying the cost of the order into the company bank account , which we couldn 't do today because it 's Saturday . So we would have had to wait until Monday , pay the money , and then the goods would be despatched to arrive on Tuesday . We weighed up the cost of all this against the cost of petrol to make the trip to Manisa , and there frankly wasn 't much in it , so as Mr A doesn 't want to waste precious selling days waiting , he set off at lunchtime today to collect the stock . He will make some stops on the way back to start selling , return home tonight and start again tomorrow . . . this time staying locally . Ahem . . . which was my idea two weeks ago . . . but of course he knew best ( which he didn 't ! ) I 'm really annoyed today because I couldn 't log on to my UK TV website for some reason . It just keeps coming up with " host not found " then I get the HTTP404 message so I have no idea what 's happening . I have internet connection . . . everything else is OK but just cannot get my TV site . And I was so looking forward to Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor tonight . I 've tried phoning the company but there 's no - one there . . . perhaps they 've gone bust ? Or worse still maybe this is yet another site that the Turkish government have decided to ban . . . . who knows ? The weather has been very unpredictable today . I set off to Milas this afternoon in temps of around 80F . . . blue skies . . . lovely . Then as I was shopping some clouds suddenly appeared and it started to rain . It stopped 10 minutes later . . . brilliant sunshine again . It has been doing this all afternoon . It 's dark now and a few minutes ago I heard the rumble of thunder so I think we are likely to get a storm tonight . I love watching storms . . . . well tonight I 'll have little choice . . . no TV website to watch and no television ! I 've now had almost 13 years of regular water cuts . This week in particular the water has been off every day for between 4 and 8 hours . It 's no great hardship really . I have just adapted to a situation that the Turks have grown up with . I 'm used to it but it has made me very aware of how precious water is , and how the lack of water in other countries can mean the difference between health and sickness . . . . and life and death . Sometimes I know what I 'm waiting for . It can be something I have waited for with excited anticipation . . . like Christmas and birthdays as a child , or the arrival of a child or grandchild . Or it can be something that fills me with dread like bills when you know you don 't have enough money . I think I 'm a little like my late father . I always felt that he wasn 't quite happy enough , that he was waiting to be happier . I remember him saying to me when he was almost 70 years old that he was still waiting for his life to start . That 's really sad isn 't it ? These days I wait for Mr A 's latest adventure . . . I always hope that the next one will be the one that earns some money to make our lives a little more comfortable and to stop me worrying so much . He is also the most accident prone person I have ever known , so I 'm often waiting for the next accident or incident . I never have long to wait ! Just outside Izmir he had an accident . Well not him personally , but the car . As he was turning a corner one of the front wheels came off the car and hit another car . No - one was hurt . The damage to the other car was minimal and cost little to repair , which Mr A paid . But then most of the refund money was used to fix the wheel back onto our car . So he finally came home , tail between legs ( because he feels ashamed about this last venture , like others before , has not earned any money ) . I sent him straight off for a shower . He has been in the same clothes since Friday and the smell wasn 't pleasant I can tell you ! He saw little point in taking more clothes with him because he was sleeping in the car and wouldn 't have been able to shower and change anyway . Neither of us felt much like talking , so we waited until this morning to discuss future plans . We have two options . Either he goes away to somewhere like Istanbul to work for the winter , or he looks for a job locally . We both know that his being away from home has caused many problems between us this year , but there 's not much in the way of work in this area . However , he has been into Milas this evening to see a man about some building work . There 's nothing immediately , but if he waits a few more days , there 's a possibility of some work for the winter . If that doesn 't happen , then I 'm afraid I 'll just have to put up with him going away again . Mr Ayak is off all over the place trying to sell his wares . We keep in touch by mobile phone . I worry about him driving so many miles . It 's an old car . . . anything could happen . He set off on Friday morning , with his blanket and pillow , and I have been mapping his progress by phone since . I spoke to him early on Sunday and he told me the name of the place where he was . I was a bit concerned because it 's so far away . He 's selling but he 's using the proceeds to put petrol in the car and he seems to be travelling further and further away . I don 't see the logic in that frankly , but he 's a man , he says he knows what he 's doing . Don 't they always ? ( well they think they do ) . I think he should be closer to home and not using so much petrol , but he reckons this stuff doesn 't sell closer to home . During the last call on Sunday he said he was in traffic . I said " call me later when you reach your destination " . He didn 't call for hours so I tried ringing him . This was just before 4pm . The phone was switched off . This isn 't unusual . Sometimes there 's no signal , sometimes he switches it off when he 's driving . So I left him a message . Hours later , the phone was still off . I left another message . By almost midnight , the phone was still off and I was getting worried . It was off all night . If he had had an accident how on earth would I know ? Naturally I couldn 't sleep . Yesterday morning I phoned my FIL . I explained that it was most unusual for Mr A to do this and if I had been in England I would have been ringing the police or the hospitals by now . FIL was also concerned . He phoned around various relatives ( some living in roughly the area where Mr A was ) and also left a voicemail on Mr A 's phone . He then said leave it a while longer . Still nothing . Early afternoon FIL and I spoke again and he said that we should leave it until tomorrow , then he would call the police . Finally . . . early evening Mr A popped up on MSN on my laptop . He was in an internet cafe . His phone was stolen a little while after I last spoke to him . I didn 't ask him how this happened but I suspect , as usual , he left it in the car with the doors unlocked . I don 't know how many times I 've told him not to do this ! He has reported it to the police , but of course there 's no chance he 'll get it back . So we 'll just have to report it to Turkcell and get the simcard blocked ( easier said than done . . . but that 's another story ! ) I tried to explain to him how worried I was , and how worried his father was , that we had no way of contacting him for some 26 hours . And do you know ? He just didn 't get it . He just said " you don 't have to worry . . . I 'm not a child , I can take care of myself " . I give up ! ! So last night he was attempting to return in the direction of home . He doesn 't have enough money for petrol to get here , but says he will sell stuff on the way . When I switched on my laptop this morning , there was a message from him on MSN which he had sent late last night saying he had driven back to Manisa ( this is where we bought the stock ) . He will attempt to return the existing stock to the factory and get a refund . . . then make his way home . And then he will find another job . So that 's the end of his latest adventure . I had my doubts about it all along but he wouldn 't be told . Goodness knows what his next plan will be . At this moment I have a mixture of emotions . I 'm exasperated by him . . . although I shouldn 't be because I should be used to this by now . But most of all I 'm just relieved that he is safe . I am very happy to have received the above award today from gaelikaa at gaelikaa 's diary . Gaelikaa and I share many similar experiences in our lives . . . she in India and me in Turkey , and I consider her now to be a good friend . Thankyou gaelikaa . He has itchy feet . He always has to be on the move . Even when he 's at home , he can 't sit in one place and relax . He paces up and down , goes from one room to another and can 't wait for the next " adventure " to begin . His going away for periods of time in previous years , when we lived in different areas , didn 't bother me at all . I like my own company . I also had friends in those areas , so I was able to socialise whenever I wanted to . But it 's different here . I have no friends and no social life . OK the women of the village are really lovely , and friendly , but I have nothing in common with them , so I 'm left feeling very lonely at times . This year has been a difficult one for us . I found it hard to be alone here last winter , particularly when I fell and injured my back while Mr A was away in Istanbul . He did fly down of course , and lost his job because of it . The hamam business didn 't work out , and on top of that ( and also in some respects because of that ) our marriage has suffered as a result . Working together at the hamam for the last three weeks of business proved to be the turning point . We couldn 't have managed it if we hadn 't bought the car . We know now that this is the way forward . Anything that we have planned for next year , we will do together . But we still have to get through yet another winter with little money , and so we come to Mr A 's latest ( ad ) venture . It 's now one week since he began . It got off to a reasonably good start but it 's not been too good since . Apart from Monday night when he slept in the car , he has returned home every night . I think this is where the problem lies . He needs to go further away to areas where he knows he can sell . He hasn 't been doing this because he is aware that I don 't want to be alone , and has come home each night . . . and naturally has used more petrol in doing so . I told him yesterday that it was OK for him to go further afield . We have to shift this stock so I have to put my needs to one side for a while . So off he set with his stock , blanket and pillow , and he phoned me last night when he had reached his planned destination . He is in a village somewhere . . . . with just enough money to buy a couple of glasses of tea , and no money for petrol until he sells something . He doesn 't seem concerned about this . Somehow it gives him more of an incentive to sell . I had to phone him at 6am because there is a market there today . I said to him last night that although I know he is trying to earn money , I feel that all this travelling satisfies his need for adventure . Surprisingly , he said that he felt that he was getting too old for this , and that he really wanted to settle down and spend more time at home with me . I have come to the conclusion that if you are in a relationship with someone who has this need for adventure , you just have to allow them to get on with it . There 's no point in trying to stop them . . . it doesn 't work . Eventually , it would seem , they just get it out of their system and the adventure bug disappears . He has covered a huge area and hundreds of villages . The week started fairly well but it would seem that people just aren 't buying anything these days . They don 't have money . . . I know how they feel . . . it 's a sign of the times isn 't it ? At the moment we are spending money on fuel for the car and for the last two days he has sold nothing . As usual he remains optimistic while I just worry . Well one of us has to ! I wish I could be more like him with his laidback attitude to life and the belief that everything will be fine . . . that it 's all in the hands of Allah and he will take care of us . And talking of Allah ( or God ) and religion . Mr A and I have never discussed it in almost 13 years together . But a couple of weeks ago we were having a conversation and I expressed my views and he said he would never have married me if he had thought that I didn 't believe in God . Well I was a bit upset at this remark at first until he went on to explain what he really meant . He said that if the subject had come up when we first met , then maybe he wouldn 't have considered getting to know me better . But he doesn 't regret not knowing because he is glad that he married me . So that 's OK then . . . no imminent divorce on the grounds of not believing ! Religion came up in conversation with FIL whilst he was here . He is a deeply religious man . . he attends mosque regularly , and even when he doesn 't he stops to pray at the correct times . It 's hard to explain to someone like this that you don 't believe , that it 's the way in which different religions have been in conflict for centuries that has caused me to feel this way . However he did agree with me when I said that I felt quite strongly that the praying was not so important as the way people lead their lives . You can lead an honest and unselfish life , always caring for others , without being religious . I 've just surprised myself by writing the previous two paragraphs . . . because I rarely get into any discussion about religion . It 's a personal issue as far as I am concerned . I respect people for their beliefs , and accept that it must be a great comfort at times to have this belief , but I hope that people respect my views too . I 've been hunting around for cheap flights . I desperately want to see my daughter and grandson sometime soon . I finally found flights with Pegasus to go to England on 20th November . Just for 8 days . . . but better than nothing . Of course I can 't afford it . . . but sometimes there are more important things in life than money . I can 't wait ! We packed the stock of Mesir Macunu into the car . We have small and large jars and also some packs of toffee type sweets ( also made from the same recipe ) . We also had 5kg of mesir macunu lokum ( turkish delight ) and we weighed this out into 200mg bags . So today he set off on a trip which will probably take about 4 days . He has taken a blanket and pillow with him and will sleep in the car to save money . I packed up as much food for him that wouldn 't go off , and some extra clothes . I 'm afraid personal hygiene won 't be at the top of his list of priorities over the next few days . . . but it won 't be noticed in the villages , where people don 't worry too much about such things ! He headed towards Muğla and then on for about 40km , stopping at villages along the way . It 's been a slow start , but it 's still early days yet . I think it will take a while yet before we actually start making money on this venture . Apart from the cost of petrol , in each village he has to pay the Muhtar for an announcement to be made on the public address system announcing his arrival . And he also has to buy tea in the teahouses . . . because it 's a good place to start . He told me this evening that he thinks he must have drunk around 20 glasses of tea today and he 's getting a bit sick of it . . . but needs must ! We get them here in the tourist industry of course . They complain about the flights , hotel accommodation , food , etc etc . Sometimes there is justification and matters have to be dealt with , but often it 's just petty moaning for the sake of it . I once mentioned in a blog post how some tourists in Antalya complained to their hotel manager about the early morning call to prayer from the mosque , and requested that it be " switched off " . . . how do you deal with that kind of complaint ? Yesterday morning we arrived at the hamam and made the decision to close the business . There are no more new customers at the hotel , and it 's time to call it a day . As we were busy packing up , a young girl came down to the hamam . She and her friend had the full packet of treatments earlier this week . I remembered her because she and her friend haggled over the price . I reduced it slightly but they weren 't satisfied so Mr A did it for half price . The treatments usually take around an hour in total . . at the most an hour and 15 minutes . The girls first complained that the sauna was too hot . They then complained that the water in the hamam wasn 't hot enough . At the end of their massages ( Mr A did one and Turan the other ) they said that they felt they were being rushed . . . in fact their treatments lasted almost 2 hours . To pacify them we explained that they had in fact had longer than normal , but if they were not satisfied they could return later in the day and we would give them another face mask and massage on the house . They didn 't return . So when this girl appeared yesterday morning , she said that her friend had a bruise under her eye and that Mr A had caused this when he massaged her face . I know that this is impossible . He doesn 't massage underneath the eyes because it is a sensitive area . The girl insisted that it was his fault . Mr A asked where the girl was , and could her friend bring her to the hamam so that we could have a look . " Oh she 's too upset to come here " replied the girl . . . . . . oh right ! The moaning and complaining went on for some time , and finally Mr A , actually feeling pretty stressed anyway at having to close up the business , finally snapped . He raised his voice and said that he could not accept that he had injured this girl and without seeing for ourselves , why should we believe what she was saying . The girl then became very insulting and said she was disgusted at our attitude and would not be spoken to in this manner . Mr A apologised for raising his voice , and said he would refund the " injured " girl 's money as a gesture of goodwill . The girl said she thought they should both get a refund ( even though she had been perfectly happy with her treatment ) . OK . . . said Mr A we will refund your money as well . The girl wanted the refund in English sterling and I explained that I didn 't have any on me at that time , but had some at home , that we were leaving yesterday but would ensure that the money was returned as soon as possible . I said it may be in the evening ( last night ) but I couldn 't promise because we were off on a long road trip but that it would be returned before they left the hotel . She still muttered on about our attitude and let slip that they were getting used to this , having had a similar experience with a waiter in Gumbet on another occasion where they had complained about the service . . . . oh do you see what I see here ? We packed up and took our things back to the house , and then set off for Manisa . With a couple of stops it took us 4 hours . During this time , the moaning girl had cornered Turan before he left and got him to ring me on my mobile so that she could talk to me . She moaned again about the situation and asked when I would be there with her money . I explained again . She then rang another 3 times saying the same thing . Each time I explained that we would make sure they had their money before the end of their holiday . We found the factory in Manisa and negotiated a good price for some stock for Mr A 's selling business . The guy we dealt with speaks excellent English , a bonus for me , because I can now deal with ordering and delivery of stock and leave Mr A free to sell . Then we set off on the long journey home . We stopped after an hour and as Mr A was getting back into the car he leaned on his seat and it collapsed . Funnily enough we had just been talking about how overweight he is and that he needs to start dieting . . . this incident confirmed it ! As we were trying to fix the seat , the bloody girl rang yet again . I told her that we were stuck trying to fix our car and that it was unlikely Mr A or I would be able to return to the hotel last night . " A likely story " she said " I could have told you this morning that you had no intention of refunding our money " . I asked her if she was accusing me of lying and she said yes . I had the call on speakerphone . Mr A heard every word . He took the phone from me and said to the girl " Madam it is very clear to me that you have accused me of something I didn 't do . You are now accusing my wife of being a liar . We have done all we can to please you but it 's not enough . I believe this is just an attempt to get your money back and that you are not being honest with me . I have now decided that I am not refunding your money . . . not one penny . So I 'm afraid you will just have to live with it " Not entirely satisfactory of course . I would rather this hadn 't happened on our last day of business . It 's left a bitter taste . Mr A is upset by it all , particularly because no - one . . . all season . . . has ever complained . Quite the opposite . We have had much praise for the treatments from very satisfied customers . Unable to fix the seat , Mr A had to drive with it propped up by the boxes of stock . we 'll need to get it fixed today . We finally arrived home just after midnight , fed the dogs and immediately fell asleep . The water went off at the same time but returned early afternoon . What was very strange though was that I managed to get my internet connection about an hour before the electricity came back on . I don 't know how that could have happened . . . perhaps there was just a little power coming through at the time . Who knows ? Mr Ayak returned home and discovered that the power had returned to the rest of the village and it seemed that it hadn 't reached our house for some strange reason . I didn 't mind too much . I was happy sitting in the dark because at least I was connected to the internet . But . . . typical man . . . he comes in . . . switches off all the trip switches and then back on again . . thinking this might do something . It did . . . it lost me my internet connection and we still didn 't have electricity . He phoned the electricity company and eventually power was restored . The in - laws left yesterday lunchtime . They have to make a detour on their journey to visit the elderly grandfather who has been in hospital . I am amazed at these grandparents , who are in their 90s and are still hanging on to life . I spoke to grandfather on the phone when we made the usual phone calls during Şeker Bayram . He and grandmother get quite emotional when they have phone calls and usually end up in tears . . . bless their hearts . We haven 't seen them for such a long time , and we really must try to make the journey soon . Mr A earned some money yesterday acting as a taxi service for one of the guests at the hotel , who had to make a round trip to Torba to collect his son . Mr A had to leave home at 6 . 30am yesterday to do this . He then did the same trip early evening . Other than that he only had two customers at the hamam yesterday . There 's nothing so far booked for today or tomorrow , and just one customer on Sunday , so I think we will be closing then . It 's really not worth spending money on fuel to get there now . The temperature is dropping at night now and I can feel winter just around the corner . I love this time of the year . The days are still very warm and it 's lovely being able to sit outside without suffocating in the heat . I can 't believe it 's the 1st October today . This year has flown by . I am desperately missing Billy and my daughter and we are hoping to scrape enough money together for an air ticket so that I can go over to see them within the next couple of months . . . another case of wait and see . I moved to Turkey from England in 1998 and married my Turkish husband in 1999 . We have lived in different areas of Turkey . In fact we have moved 15 times to date . My life in Turkey . The ups and downs , the trials and tribulations , the happy and the sad . . . . not forgetting the often disastrous adventures of Mr Ayak . My time is taken up these days with animal rescue . I had 11 rescue dogs at home until Dave , one of three rescued pups passed away on 11 January 2015 , so then there were 10 . On 30th November 2015 we brought home another dog found dumped on the streets , so back up to 11 dogs . Another rescue on 17th March 2016 now brings the total to 12 . We also feed as many strays as possible , in our village and beyond . If you would like to help with all this , please email me at lindaikaya @ hotmail . com for details . I welcome your comments . Since I started this blog I 've received good advice and reassurance from the blogging community , and some very kind messages . If you 're just a reader but not a blogger , think about starting your own blog . It 's great fun and very therapeutic . I 'd strongly recommend it ! This is my favourite one . The patience involved and the time it took for Frodo to settle , brings tears to my eyes . There is a hound dog . . . |
Chapter Ten Saturday morning Adam walked around the house to look at Aaron 's handiwork . The boy was good at cleaning . The tables and floors shined . The counters in the kitchen gleamed . The furniture looked like it was sitting in a show room . He took Aaron down to the dungeon and fucked his face before he set him up in the suspension restraints , added the parachute and weights to his balls and then got him off . Once that was done and the condom had been removed from Aaron 's mouth Adam had him clean up after them . He didn 't need him to disinfect the rubber sheeting . He just had him roll it up and put it away . He did have to put all of the tools they 'd used back in their places after cleaning them thoroughly . He put the chastity device on Aaron and then went upstairs to shower and change while Aaron got the grill going . He 'd seen pictures on a few of these men 's websites . Some were dressed in leather garments while others wore black t - shirts and Levi 501 jeans with black boots . They were going to be outside , so Adam changed that uniform to a white t - shirt that fit his torso snugly and showed off all of his hard work at the gym . He had the right jeans and even a pair of black leather steel toed work boots . He put them on , tucked in his shirt and looked at himself in the mirror . He used no product on his hair or in Aaron 's . He just combed his hair into place and left the room . Brian was the first to arrive with his slave . Brian was maybe a few inches taller than Adam with dark blond hair that was just blond enough not to be called light brown . His hair was cut precisely into a flat top . He had the blue eyes that blonds were famous for along with an angular face with full lips and a strong brow . He wore almost the exact same thing Adam had on but his jeans were black instead of dark blue . His boots were the exact same brand and style as Adam 's . Just like Adam had admired about his own image in the mirror , the t - shirt Brian wore clung to his torso and showed off a muscular physique . His slave was introduced with his name only . Todd was maybe a head shorter than Adam with very dark hair and eyes . He looked almost Latino . He also had a muscular physique showcased by a white t - shirt . His jeans were also black and the boots on his feet matched those on Brian 's and Adam 's . He wore no collar . Brian spoke up when he noticed Adam looking for the collar . " Our contract is up officially , " Brian explained after he 'd introduced Todd with his name instead of as his slave . " He 's a free agent now , but we 've always been really good friends . " " This is a great house , " Brian said as they followed Adam into the living room . He indicated the couch and told them to sit . He noticed that Todd sat on the couch just like Brian . " I did for my entire freshman year , " he said . " I only transferred to Stattler - Mead at the end of my freshman year . I was at Storyville University last year . " " Oh I assure you that I will train him , " Adam said . " He 'll be a different kind of slave than his younger brother though . Donny is going into total enslavement . " " Well to be honest I 'm a little blown away by it all myself , " Adam replied honestly . " I never expected either of them to even want to have anything to do with me that didn 't involve hurting me , so when Aaron agreed to be my slave and signed my contract I was stunned . To have Donny will be even more amazing , but he is coming . We 'll hammer out the details of his enslavement when he arrives . " " You 're not taking him against his will , are you ? " Todd asked . " I mean I think I 'd understand if you did , but there 's the legal issue to think of . You could have had them both arrested for the things they 'd done to you . " " I understand that , " Adam said . " I even thought about it . To answer your question , no I 'm not taking him against his will . He 'll submit of his own will tomorrow . " Adam was careful to not say his own free will . Part of what he 'd said was less than truthful . Yes Donny would agree to anything Adam wanted , but it would be the potion that made it so not Donny 's desire to please Adam . He just couldn 't let anyone know about the potion . Otherwise he might be the one in jail for what he was doing to them . Mark arrived next . He was a bit taller than even Brian with dark hair and eyes the color of milk chocolate . He had tanned skin and a lot of muscles . Adam was pleased to see that he was in a white t - shirt and jeans as well . His boots were different , but it was still the uniform . He had no slave currently , so Adam just welcomed him into the house . " You as well , Brian , " Mark said . " Todd , I see you no longer have a collar . Did you decide it was time to switch roles ? " " Hardly , " laughed Todd . " I 've been a dedicated bottom since I was fifteen years old . It isn 't likely to change any time soon . " " I 'm sorry , " Brian said when he noticed that Adam was looking back and forth between them . " Mark and I met at the gym . He graduated at the end of the semester . He played football for Stattler . " " It may be larger than you think it is , " Mark said . " Chicago is a big city with lots of different kinds of people . They hold leather events quite often at certain bars and hotels there . Then you 'll see just how many of us there are . That is if you attend any . " This time it was Rick and his slave . Rick was probably the oldest of the men he 'd invited to the house . He had a body with muscles that anyone could tell had come from hard work . His russet colored hair was infused with grey at the temples . His green eyes were bright though . He was wearing the uniform as well right down to the work boots . His slave was young . Adam wondered just how young he was . He didn 't want any under age slaves in the house . He had buzzed dark red hair and very dark green eyes . He was dressed in the same uniform as the rest of them but his collar was around his neck . It was a thick , heavy silver collar which looked almost like a dog chain . The padlock that held it on his neck was big as well . " Adam , it 's good to meet you in person , " Rick said . " This is slave John . Don 't worry , he 's eighteen years old . His birthday was two weeks ago , so he 's a little new to the scene . " " Ah , well we 'll all be sorry to see you go , Todd , " Rick said . Then he looked at his slave and pointed to a spot on the floor in the corner . " On your knees , head down , hands folded in front of you , boy . " John moved into position in the corner as the others ignored him . Adam paid close attention to the way Rick spoke and what he 'd said to his slave . After all he wanted to learn . Donny would be there the next day and he wanted to get all of the education he could before he slapped a collar around his neck . " I sure do , " Rick said with a grin . " I introduced them . Todd used to come to my playroom twice a week . Then he and Brian came together . " They all talked about Rick 's slave after that . Brian seemed stunned that Rick had actually collared the boy . They discussed that back and forth and Adam learned that John was Rick 's sister 's stepson which kind of made him family . He couldn 't imagine what his sister thought of all of it . He was still thinking about that when he answered the door to find Paul , his slave and David . Paul was a seriously good looking guy . He had the boy next door look that many tried to copy but few could pull off . His dark hair was cut short and parted to the left . He had eyes the color of the sky and a grin that put dimples in his cheeks . He was dressed in the same white t - shirt , jeans and boots as the rest of them . His slave 's name was Gary and unlike John , Gary had no hair anywhere . He wore his collar with no shirt and a pair of cut off jean shorts . There were no shoes on his feet . No one recognized Paul or Dave when they came back to the living room . Adam noticed that Gary went to the opposite corner from John and then knelt on the floor , put his head down and folded his hands and rested them on his thighs . Paul had a bag with him and asked about the kitchen . Adam took them through the dining room to the kitchen and let Paul put the small bag in the fridge . He explained that it was his slave 's food for the day . Adam asked no questions . " Sure , " Adam said . He left them standing in the kitchen and went to his locked office . He got copies of the recipe and headed back to the kitchen . He handed them to each of them . " It 's a simple recipe with all of the nutrients and vitamins a slave needs . My slave will be preparing a large batch while we 're eating . The slaves can drink the shakes or eat whatever you 've brought for your slave . " They stepped out to the deck and Aaron was putting plates of food on the table . Adam told him to mix the shakes and thought about the fact that Aaron would be drinking one for the first time . He 'd ordered him to drink it though , so there was no going back . The others sat around the table with Adam and ate their steaks . They talked about their experiences and asked Adam a lot of questions about Aaron . Adam told them that Aaron was new to enslavement but was learning fast . He directed the conversation to David and told them that David had installed his dungeon . They were all interested in that , having seen pictures of it online . " For me , yes , " Adam said . " I haven 't decided to take his ass so far . I have another slave arriving tomorrow . You 've all read about him on the site . He 's Aaron 's older brother . That slave will be completely different than Aaron . Aaron is never going to be the slave that his brother will be . " " The very same , " Adam replied . " He 'll arrive tomorrow afternoon , and his enslavement will begin . It isn 't against his will though . He 'll submit on his own . " " You and Brian are young to be Masters , " Rick said . " I 'm proud to say that Brian learned really well . From what I 've seen on your site I 'd say that you learned very well , too . I 'm a bit in awe of what you 've done so far , Adam . " " Thank you , " Adam replied . " My life wasn 't easy , but I 've come into my own . I had one other slave in Iowa . We 've only recently ended our contract and he 's back in Ohio where he came from . I learned a lot from the way I was treated when I was forced and I learned more with the other slave . There 's revenge involved in what I 'm doing , but for the most part this is just fulfilling a need inside me . " " The slave that 's coming tomorrow is that slave 's older brother , " Brian said . " Did you read what he did to Adam ? I can 't believe that he 's coming to be Adam 's slave . I 'd be a little afraid of what I 'd do to him if I were in Adam 's shoes . " " I assure you that I 'll take good care of both of my slaves , " Adam said . " I don 't want them damaged . They 're going to be with me for a long time . I want them functional and healthy . They 're both very good looking specimens . I 'd hate to mar them . " " I have to admit that I thought you just wanted the dungeon to show your friends , Adam , " David said after that . " I had no idea that you were actually in the scene . When I met you I thought you were just another college guy . " They laughed at that . Talk went back and forth about the slaves and how they 'd all come to be slaves . Todd was in the kitchen with the slaves . Adam was sorry that he didn 't have a steak for him , but he hadn 't expected an unfettered slave to be in his house . Brian assured him that it was fine . David said he was in the scene as more than just a dungeon designer and contractor . He didn 't have a slave at the moment , but he was always looking . Then he said what he was interested in was more a boy than a slave , someone he could mold and dominate but not completely . Adam thought that Aaron fit that mold a bit more than the mold of a slave , but he didn 't say anything . David said it was hard to find the type of guy he wanted . Adam was shocked when David said that he 'd been interested in Adam at first , but now that he knew that Adam was dominant he was looking forward to being his friend instead . When the meal was eaten Adam took them all to the dungeon for a tour while the slaves cleaned up the dishes and kitchen . They were all amazed by everything that Adam had in the dungeon . Each of them talked about different things as they walked around the dungeon . David watched them with pride and a bit of expectation as they looked at everything . " Yes , I do , " Adam said . He felt secure in saying that . He 'd read about them all , watched videos , some of them Rick 's and he 'd figure it out . In a way , he thought , Donny and Aaron would be learning right along with him . " Well hats off to you , " Rick said , grinning at him . " You 're young to be at this level , but I 'm sure you have it all in hand . I 've seen your slave and he doesn 't seem to be injured in any way . He looks healthy and adjusted to his position , so you 're doing something right . " The slaves came into the room after that and all talk stopped . Adam watched as the men changed around him . Their features had been excited and friendly before the slaves entered the room . Now they were harder and calculating . They were Masters now when before they had been men . It was very interesting to witness . Adam did his best to change his own facial expression to match theirs . He must have succeeded , because Aaron took one look at him and was instantly uncomfortable . Rick was the one who got the ball rolling . He put his hand on the back of John 's neck and walked him over to the bondage horse . He bent him over it and secured his wrists to the front legs with restraints that Adam handed him . Then he spread the boy 's legs and secured them to the back legs of the horse . He accepted lubricant from Adam and then unbuttoned his fly . His dick was big and uncut . Adam had never seen an uncut dick in real life before . He was amazed by it . He didn 't see it long though . Rick lubed his dick and then began to shove it into his slave 's ass . The slave grunted , but he didn 't cry out or anything . Adam looked around the room at the others . They 'd needed no invitation it seemed . Todd was on his knees sucking Brian 's dick . Paul had Gary in the sling already and was fingering his ass while David and Mark looked around . Rick told David to fuck his slave 's face and Paul invited Mark over to assist with Gary . Adam reminded them all that Aaron was a cum dump as he stepped in front of him and unbuttoned his fly . Aaron got on his knees and began to suck his dick . Adam was so turned on by all that was happening that he was afraid that it would be over before it started , but Aaron was good at what he did . He did all that he could to make Adam simmer instead of explode . There were moans and grunts coming from three places in the dungeon . David stepped up to Adam and looked down at Aaron . Adam stepped back and David put his dick in Aaron 's mouth . He came a few minutes later . Then Todd knelt in front of Adam and took his dick into his mouth while Brian unloaded in Aaron 's mouth . It went on like that for a while . Todd was just as good as Aaron and kept Adam simmering . Paul and Rick came in their slaves ' asses , but Mark came over to feed Aaron . Then Todd backed off and Aaron was back on Adam 's dick . Adam came with a knee weakening orgasm a few minutes later . He was amazed when they were all sitting in the living room with sodas a few minutes later . They were sweaty but dressed and presentable . The slaves were cleaning the dungeon . Conversation was steady in the living room . They talked about Aaron a lot . Paul and Mark talked about Gary and Adam listened to what they all had to say . They started excusing themselves when the slaves came into the room . David promised to come back whenever he was invited . They each programmed Adam 's number into their phones as he programmed theirs into his . Brian told him he looked forward to seeing him again and they set up a day to hang out after Adam had gotten Donny situated . Then they were all leaving the house and Adam was alone with Aaron who refused to look at him . He cleaned up the living room and then stood so that Adam could remove the chastity device . He told him to get his clothes on and watched as Aaron left the room . He sighed as he watched . What had happened in the dungeon was far more than Aaron was used to . He 'd eaten cum from four men , three of them strangers . Adam hadn 't intended to push him so soon , but he wasn 't sorry it had happened . Aaron had gotten another lesson on what his life was that day , and Adam wouldn 't have him unlearn it for anything . He did want to reward him for his performance though . Aaron hadn 't protested or let anyone know that he wasn 't into what was happening . " You deserve a reward for all you did today , Aaron , " Adam said when the boy came back to the living room in his own jeans and t - shirt . He pulled a condom out of his pocket and sat down on the couch . " Take those jeans off and come sit on my lap . " He waited while Aaron took off his jeans , folded them and placed them on the sofa . Then the boy came over and sat on his lap . Adam reached around him and pulled him back so that the back of his head rested on Adam 's shoulder . Then he began to play with his dick . It had been a long time since he 'd had this boy 's dick in his hand like this . Adam fought memories that he was sure Aaron was remembering as well . When he was erect Adam rolled the condom down his shaft . Then he began to masturbate him slowly and methodically . This was the first time since Aaron had moved into the house that he was going to have an orgasm that wasn 't accompanied by pain . " When this is over you can brush your teeth and use mouthwash , " Adam said . " Then you can have a soda . If you 're hungry you can grill yourself a burger . " It didn 't take long before he filled the condom . Adam had him stand up so he could get it off of him without spilling any of the cum . Then he handed it to Aaron and watched as he put it in his mouth and sucked his cum out of it . When it was empty he put in the trash can beside the couch and then went off to the bathroom to brush his teeth . He heard him go out the back door a few minutes later and followed him . He sat at the table on the deck and watched as Aaron grilled his burger . " You 're never going to get out of this , Aaron , " Adam said after a long moment of thought . " I can 't promise you that it won 't happen again , but I can say that once Donny gets here your life will get a bit better . You still have years to make up for and you 'll always have them to make up for , but Donny will require a lot of time and work . " " I hate my brother , Adam , " Aaron said . " One of the only things that makes this even a little better is knowing that his life is going to be shit forever once he walks through the front door . I look forward to that . " " Good , " Aaron said with a smile that made Adam 's skin crawl . Then he looked at Adam and sighed . " I thought you were going to let them fuck me today . Thank you for not doing that . " " Aaron , I told you that I wasn 't going to take your ass any time soon , " Adam said . " I might decide to fuck you at some point . I will promise you that I will be the first if I decide that anyone else is going to fuck you . I won 't line them up to fuck you though . That much I can promise . " Aaron was quiet for a while after that . He ate his burger and thought about all that Adam had said . Adam wondered what he was thinking . He really hadn 't thought of fucking him yet . The idea wasn 't unpleasant . He hadn 't fucked anyone since Melvin , and Adam had learned with Melvin that he very much liked to fuck . He decided he 'd think about it for a while . After all he was planning to fuck Donny every day for a while . He was even willing to let Aaron fuck him at least once . In a strange way that made him feel a bit ashamed , he was looking forward to Aaron fucking Donny . He went back in the house and started to make a list of all of the things that Donny had done to him in his notebook . Then he wrote what he planned to do to Donny to make up for it next to each item . Adam 's ideas for what to do to Donny were a lot more painful than anything Donny had done to him . He planned to plug him and find ways to make sure that he felt fucked all the time . He had an idea , but he needed to research it to find out if it was possible . He was sure it was possible , but could the device be built ? He 'd seen fucking machines online and he 'd thought about them , but what he wanted was something different . He might still order a fucking machine though . After all he couldn 't fuck Donny all day long . A machine could do that though . The device he wanted could do it as well . He got his laptop and looked up sex toy stores that specialized in building items to the customer 's expectations . He filled out the questionnaire form and described what he wanted . It was an exercise bike , but instead of a seat he wanted a dildo that could be moved up and down with the pedals . So that when Donny was on the bike he would be fucked with the dildo every time he pedaled . The idea had his dick hard . He was closing his laptop as Aaron came in with his trash . He watched as he put it in the trash can and cleaned the counter . Then he got up and pushed Aaron to his knees . He unbuttoned the fly of his jeans and shoved his dick in Aaron 's mouth . He was very turned on by the description of the bike and the image in his head of Donny using it . He grabbed the sides of Aaron 's head and fucked his throat roughly . Aaron was drooling a river of saliva before it was over . It didn 't last long , but Adam wasn 't looking for a slow simmer this time . He wanted to get off . He buried his dick in Aaron 's throat as he came . When he let go of him Aaron sat back on his heels , breathing hard and looking up at Adam . " Clean up , " Adam said as he got his own breathing under control . He looked at the crotch of his jeans that were now soaked with Aaron 's saliva . " I won 't punish you for getting my jeans all disgusting . I had to get off after what I was describing on the computer to a sex toy maker . Just go clean yourself up while I change clothes . " When they were in the living room later he told Aaron exactly what he was having built for Donny . He told him that he wanted Donny fucked all the time . He was planning to have the guys over again for a gang bang if they 'd go for it . He wanted Donny used over and over again until he felt as dirty and ashamed as he had . " I had never been fucked before your brother got his hands on me , " Adam said . " He did it in the cruelest way possible . I have to be pretty sick to come up with an even more cruel way to take him to that depth . Fortunately I 'm a pretty sick individual . I learned from the best . " " I 'll tell you what his life will be like , " Adam said . " He 'll get up in the morning and have fifteen minutes to shit , shower and shave . Then he 'll cook breakfast and wake us up . Once we 've eaten and he 's had his morning shake he 'll be in the dungeon either on his fuck bike or in a cage with a fucking machine doing the job . When I get back from classes I 'm going to fuck him . Then I 'm going to put him through his paces with the paddles , floggers , whips and crops . Then I 'm going to fuck him again . I figure it 'll be about dinner time after that , so he 'll make dinner . Once we 've eaten and he 's had his shake he 'll either be on the fuck bike again or in a cage with the fucking machine . His life will be about getting his ass fucked , cleaning , cooking and pain . " Aaron looked at him with wide shocked eyes . Adam didn 't know if it was possible to do what he said without injuring Donny . He wouldn 't do it every day , but he 'd spend one entire day of every month getting fucked all day long . That much Adam planned to make sure of . Aaron might get fucked now and then , but it would never be the way it would be for Donny . Adam would let Aaron have his revenge , and he wasn 't even sure if it would be a onetime thing or not . After all he 'd fucked Aaron for years . What he had to figure out was what he would tell the others about Donny 's treatment . He 'd allow any of them to fuck Donny almost whenever they wanted . Donny 's life was about to be all about fucking . He was the fuck toy after all . Adam hated him all right , but he wouldn 't physically destroy him . His mental state might suffer , but his body would be fine . " Aaron , your time with me will seem like a picnic compared to Donny 's , " Adam said . " I can 't promise that you 'll never drink the shake again or that you 'll never be fucked . I can promise that if you are it won 't be as painful as I 'm going to make it for Donny . I 'll prep you and make sure that you 're all right . I don 't hate you , Aaron . I think I 'm beginning to understand you . We won 't ever be friends , but I won 't try to destroy you . " You 'll go on pretty much as you have been , " Adam continued . " I 'd say if you want money of your own you have to get a job . You 'll go to school with me , and I 'll even look into finding you a job . Your money is yours . I won 't take anything away from you , Aaron . You 're my slave , but you 're more like my roommate who I dominate if that makes any sense . You will always do what I say when I say it , but it won 't ever be even a fraction of the life your brother is about to walk into . " " I 'm glad you don 't hate me , Adam , " Aaron said . " I don 't hate you either . I never did . I know I deserve what you 're doing to me . I didn 't like today at all . I didn 't like sucking so many different guys and drinking their cum , but I don 't mind sucking your dick . I actually like sucking your dick to be honest . I 'm even getting to like the taste of your cum . I was even turned on by what you did tonight . I couldn 't breath through a lot of it , but it was hot . I 'm happy to hear that you won 't treat me like my brother , and I 'm happy to hear that you 'll let me take my revenge on him . I don 't know how this happened , but I won 't ever try to leave you or get out of it . " They were nice words , but Adam didn 't care this time if it was the potion or Aaron talking . He would never leave and he would never get out of this . Adam wasn 't making the same mistakes with Aaron that he made with Melvin . He wasn 't in love with Aaron , and he didn 't even like him . Unlike Melvin Aaron knew exactly what kind of person Aaron really was . All of his talk about finding a kid to bully to keep himself from being bullied was just another excuse . He 'd said it because he believed it , but you could believe a lie so completely that when you told it a lie detector would be fooled . " Well I 've got some things to do , " Adam said , standing up . " You watch television or whatever . It 's free time , Aaron . " Adam went to his office and locked the door behind him . He got all of the ingredients for the potion out of their bottles and bins and put it all together in a bag . All he 'd need now was bottled water and a strand or two of Donny 's hair . He had an idea about how to get the hair but he didn 't like it . He didn 't think it mattered if the hair was from his head or from his pubic bush . If he sucked Donny 's dick he could get pubic hair . He just wasn 't looking forward to sucking Donny 's dick . He supposed he could punish him for making it a necessity . He opened his laptop and checked his email . He was happy to find an email from the site he 'd visited and filled out the form for his contraption . The email had a video file attached . He scanned it with his protection software and then opened it . He was grinning from ear to ear as he watched the video . It was the bike he 'd thought of , but it was already built . He supposed he shouldn 't have been surprised . There were far more sadistic people in the world than he was . He watched as a man rode the bike . The camera zoomed in and Adam could see the dildo in the man 's ass that was moving in and out . It never left his ass and it was never still . He closed the video and read the rest of the email . There was a price and a link to the payment screen on the site to pay for it . He clicked that but didn 't pay for it yet . He added it to a virtual shopping cart and went in search of the fucking machines . He found them and watched videos for each of them . He had an idea and he thought it was completely possible with the cages he already had . He added two machines to his cart and then went to look at the attachments . He discovered that any size dildo could be attached to the machines or the bike . He added an assortment of sizes that could be attached to his cart and then cashed it out and paid for it . He also paid for express shipping so that it would arrive in three days . He checked his links and went to another site that sold the same things but had other things as well . What he found there was perfect for what he 'd planned for Donny . It was a milking machine that would masturbate him while a probe stimulated his prostate . It didn 't matter if Donny had a sensitive prostate or not . If he did it would work faster , but if he didn 't it would still work . The great thing was that the cum would be forced into a container that looked like a sports bottle by an air compressor . The device was expensive , but he bought it as well . He paid for express shipping for that as well . Then he watched a video to see exactly how it worked . With his purchases made he went back to the living room and told Aaron to start on supper . Then he went down to the dungeon and looked at his cages . They could be stacked and moved around fairly simply . He could use the table with the loops and hooks to set the machine on . It was almost the right height . Books could be used to lift the machine to the right position . It would take some doing , but then he thought if he kept telling Donny exactly what was going to happen the suspense would be worth it . When he got back upstairs he saw that Aaron had cut a bunch of chicken breast meat into strips and was cooking them in oil on the stove . He was also boiling water . A box of pasta sat on the counter along with two cans of crushed tomatoes . Adam had no idea what he was cooking so he left him and went back to the living room to think and wait . He kept looking at the clock . The day was getting closer to its end , and that meant that Donny would be there soon . He found that he was excited about what was to come . He couldn 't wait to get Donny under his thumb . It felt like the last part of his past that bothered him was about to be eradicated . He saw Donny as this big hulking monster that had nearly destroyed his life . Granted the monster came in a sexy package with muscles and a killer smile , but he was still a monster . Getting control of him and reducing him to a piece of meat that was used for the pleasure of others and only for the pleasure of others would dispel the image of him in Adam 's mind . He couldn 't wait . When Aaron called him to the dining room Adam was impressed with what he 'd done . It smelled wonderful . He could smell garlic and oregano along with other spices . There was a basket of rolls that he 'd heated up along with a large bowl of pasta , a bowl of the aromatic sauce and another of the cooked chicken . He 'd placed a bottle of parmesan cheese on the table as well as napkins and sodas for both of them . " My mom used to make this a lot , " Aaron said as they sat down . " It was actually a diet dish , but I didn 't put all of the stuff in it that she did . I like it this way , and I hope you like it . " " It 's a crushed tomato sauce with onion , garlic and spices , " Aaron replied . " There 's pasta and chicken to complete the dish . You just put the pasta on your plate , spoon the sauce over it and then add the chicken . I guess I could have put the chicken in the sauce , but I wanted you to be able to use as much or as little of the meat as you wanted . There 's cheese to sprinkle over it and rolls to eat it with as well . " Adam put pasta on his plate and then spooned a healthy amount of sauce over it . He added chicken , but not a whole lot . Then he sprinkled the cheese over it all , mixed it with his fork and selected two of the rolls . He took a bite of the pasta with a piece of chicken and chewed , tasting the flavors . He loved it . It was just the right amount of spices and they complemented the tomatoes perfectly . The onions were cooked soft as well . There was no crunch in any of the dish . He ate more with a bite of roll and smiled . " Yeah , " Aaron said , looking at his plate . " I 'm excited that he 's coming but I 'm a little afraid , too . I wish I wasn 't going to get him . " " I can 't promise you that your time with Donny will be pleasant until you bring him to me , " Adam said . " But I won 't change my mind . You will go to Greenfield and pick him up . Then I want you to drive straight back here . If he wants to stop and get beer or anything like that go ahead . Don 't worry though , if he does anything to you I will make him pay for it when you get him here . I promise . " " How ? " Aaron asked . " How are you going to get him to do any of this ? Donny isn 't like me , Adam . I don 't understand exactly how you got me to do all that I do , but I think I deserve it mostly . Donny won 't think that way . " " Just leave that to me , " Adam said and then had a thought . " I might suck his dick when you get him here , but don 't think that 's going to be the way it will go all the time . Just get him to me and I 'll take care of the rest . I 'll do that thing you don 't understand . " They ate their meal and Adam thought about what he 'd said to Aaron . That thing that Aaron didn 't understand was the potion . The fact that Aaron had said it that way told Adam that he knew something was going on . He just didn 't know what it was . Thankfully the potion would keep him confused about things . Melvin had accepted what was going on somehow . Aaron hadn 't gotten there yet . Donny likely never would get there . It was all going to be the potion . Without it he would have never gotten his hands on Aaron the way he did . He 'd have never had Melvin the way he 'd had him , and he would never have Donny the way he planned to have him . Adam went to the living room while Aaron did the dishes . He watched mindless television but really thought about Donny . He really didn 't want to suck the man 's dick . That was the last thing he wanted , but he knew it was likely the only way he 'd get any hair for the potion . He went to his office and found the book with the recipe and read it all carefully . It clearly said hair . It had to be hair . He supposed there was no way out of it . He went back to the living room with a sigh . He supposed he was going to have to just do it and get it over with . He couldn 't think of anything short of pulling hair out of Donny 's head . That would just piss him off . It would not be what any of them wanted . He had to think about it some more . It took longer than usual because Adam 's mind was consumed by how to get hair from Donny without performing any sexual favors . He enjoyed the blow job , but he was too wrapped up in his mind to really appreciate what Aaron was doing . Aaron seemed to understand that because he worked harder to get him off . By the time Adam got off they 'd been there for nearly an hour and a half . Adam had taught Aaron to make it last , but this hadn 't been that skill . This had been preoccupation . " Let 's go downstairs , " Adam sighed as he stood up . Aaron looked terrified . " Don 't worry , Aaron . You didn 't piss me off or anything . I 'm not going to beat you . Just come downstairs with me . " He followed him down the stairs and into the dungeon . Adam had him strip out of his clothes and stand in front of him . He told him to put his arms straight out from his body . Aaron still looked scared , but all Adam did was run his hands over him starting with his arms . He was checking the muscle definition . Aaron had been working out every morning . He hadn 't been there long , but Adam could see the results already . He ran his hands over Aaron 's pecs , down his flat stomach and over his hips . He told him to spread his legs and then he was kneeling there running his hands over the muscles in Aaron 's legs . He stood up and walked around him and did the same thing on his back , rubbing his hands over Aaron 's ass . He saw that the redness had completely faded . There were no raw spots now . Aaron had healed nicely . Then he got an idea . It would scare Aaron , but Adam didn 't really care . He told him to bend over and put his hands on his knees . Aaron did so and Adam told him to push his ass out . Then he went and got lubrication . He wasn 't going to fuck Aaron . He just wanted to see something . He lubed his index finger and ran it around Aaron 's hole . He pushed at it and was happy with the resistance of his sphincter . He pushed harder until his finger entered Aaron 's ass . He wasted no time and went straight for the prostate . He 'd had plenty of practice with Melvin . He found it and Aaron jerked . That 's what he 'd been looking for . He stood back up , taking his finger out of Aaron ass . He used a shop rag to wipe his finger . Then he told Aaron to clean himself and get dressed . He left then and walked back upstairs thinking that if one brother had a sensitive prostate perhaps the other did as well . He smiled as he went up the stairs . Please Donate to Nifty to keep the service alive ! I hope you enjoyed the chapter . See all of my stories at my Annex Site or my Authors Haunt Site . If you would like to be informed when I post a chapter or a story or discuss the story with other readers click here . |
Life begins anew when you suffer with chronic pain . As our lives change , we also change . Many of these changes are difficult and frustrating . We hope , through our site to help you learn to enjoy your new life ; make the best of your new lifestyle . We have . . . Here 's what we do . Since we had to wear dresses to school every day , we wore tights although they did not really keep you very warm . Often times we would wear snow pants and tuck our dress or skirt in . This was the most sensible way to stay warm , so of course we didn 't think it was necessary . When Thanksgiving would finally arrive , Clare and I would pile into the back seat of the blue Buick wagon . We were off to Gramma Al and Grampa Jack 's house . My Dad 's parents lived in Washburn which is about eleven miles each way . It 's on the other side of Chequamagon Bay . For some reason we thought this was a very long drive . So of course we sang and sang for the entire 15 minute trip . At least the singing took our minds off of how cold the car was , it didn 't get warm in the car until we were pulling up in front of Gramma 's house . When we finally got to Gramma Al 's house we would run down from the drive way all the way to her door . In we ran and we were immediately hugged and kissed by Gramma and Aunt Susie who were in the kitchen cooking up a storm . They looked us over and decided we had grown very tall since summer , especially my brother Mike who is in fact very tall . Grampa Jack and Uncle Mac ( who had one of those deep voices that guys on FM radio stations have ) were already watching football on TV and it didn 't seem to matter which teams were playing , they watched every game . Clare and I would try and stay out of the way and would do whatever little thing we were trusted to do . We could do little jobs like set the table and put the turkey made out of pine cones in the center of the table . After that we just tried to stay out of the way and keep still . At about 1pm we gathered around the table for our meal . Clare and I , Mike , Mary , Mom , Dad , Aunt Susie , Uncle Mac , Gramma and Grampa all bowed our heads and prayed and then it began , the Thanksgiving feast . This is probably the easiest holiday for a kid to understand next to Halloween . Basically , you watch football and eat a lot of food . I realize now that the celebration of Thanksgiving is not really a great thing . I know that we all need to think about what really happened to the Native Americans and accept that Thanksgiving is not really a celebration of our finest hour . The fact is we invaded another country and then slaughtered many of the natives . At this point in my young life in the 1960 's , Thanksgiving just meant having a big lunch at Gramma 's house . There were some obstacles that we had to deal with during big family dinners . One of them was the fact that we were too little and not strong enough to pass the big platters and heavy serving bowls full of food . The adults would help us by putting stuff on our plates . Unfortunately we ended up with food we would not eat Thanksgiving dinner is one of our favorite meals , I love all the food except as a child I wouldn 't eat rutabagas . But the worst thing for me was gravy . I don 't care for gravy and I still don 't eat anything with gravy on it . There is a really funny picture of me as a little girl . My Grampa Jack is putting gravy on my food and I 'm making a face that says " yuck " . In less than an hour , which is about 1 / 5th of the time it took to make the food , we were done eating lunch and Dad and Grampa and Uncle Mac were almost asleep watching a football game . Mike was stretched out on the couch , which was easy for him to do . He is so tall that stretching comes naturally to him . There wasn 't a lot to do on Thanksgiving after lunch . We were little girls and too little to cook and also too little to be much help in the clean - up effort . Since this holiday is not like Christmas when you get new toys , we had to be creative to find something to keep us busy and not get in anyone 's way or make too much noise . There was a heating grate in the floor upstairs . This grate was open to the downstairs . So every year after lunch , we would go get a pencil , tie a string to it and lower it down from above and try to keep the pencil away from anyone who tried to grab it . We lay on the floor upstairs , giggling like crazy for hours lowering that pencil and quickly pulling it up when someone tried to grab it . Looking back I can 't believe how long that amused us . And we played with the pencil and string thing for years . I think my brother Mike showed us how to do it . Seriously we did this a lot . And it wasn 't a different pencil and string , it was the same one . We had a little keepsake box made of cedar and we kept our pencil and string in it . Occasionally we stayed overnight at Gramma Al ' 's house . If I spent the night I would sleep in Dad 's room . There were 3 comic books in the nightstand . One was Jonny Quest and it had something to do with frogmen and submarines . I read those comics over and over again . Just like the pencil and the string , I never got tired of them . Gramma told me that when my Dad was a little boy , he couldn 't go to sleep in a bed that hadn 't been made . She said he would get up in the middle of the night and remake his bed if it got messed up while he was sleeping . I don 't know if he really did that , but after Gramma told me that - - I can 't sleep in a bed that hasn 't been made and I have gotten up and turned on the light and remade my bed , sometimes with my husband in it . Aunt Susie 's room was really just the opposite of my Dad 's room , her room was very girly . She had a fancy striped bedspread , with matching pillow shams , curtains and a dressing table with the same matching fabric made into a skirt for the table . On the dressing table she had a little round box all decorated with ribbon and in it were 3 little bottles of French perfume . I was always very careful when I looked at those things . They were really fancy and I did not to want to do anything to wreck Aunt Susie 's stuff . I wasn 't a very girly little girl . I 'm still not very girly so for me looking at Aunt Susie 's room was a like a peek into another world . The fancy fabric , a dressing table , French perfume none of those things were a part of my childhood . I wanted to be John Wayne when I was little , there was no room in my plans for a dressing table and perfume . When the sun went down and we had eaten as much as humanly possible , it was time to go home . We were all worn out and quiet from the big meal and the effects of turkey . There was no singing on the way home and we normally went to bed without much complaining after the busy day of eating and pencil and string playing . It 's almost like I can still see the friendly faces and hear their voices . Gramma Al 's happy laughter , Mom 's smile , Dad 's snoring , Grampa Jack 's silence ( he didn 't talk a lot ) and Uncle Mac 's deep booming voice cheering on one of the football teams . Clare and I giggling about the pencil and Mike taking a nap and Mary helping in the kitchen . The little house on Main St . in Washburn . The one with the big picture window and the pretty trees . Below the big picture window on the front of the house was a sign with our family name , " Lamoreaux " . It always made me feel good to drive by the house and see our name there . To know that part of our family was there and that 's where my Dad and Aunt Susie grew up and where our Gramma and Grampa had a big garden and always made us feel welcome and loved . My Dad and both his parents died in 1980 within a few months of each other . Dad first and then Grampa and Gramma right before Christmas . No matter how many years go by , I can still see Gramma 's blue eyes and hear her voice and laughter . I can see Grampa 's big strong hands and his dark eyes . And I can still see Clare as a little girl , she and I in our dresses , laying on the hardwood floor upstairs , with a pencil and some string , giggling while we taunted someone downstairs with our pencil . It is the little things that make your memories special . It 's not fancy china or crystal glassware . It 's the hands your hold when you pray and the hugs and kisses you get when you come in the door and before you go home . Those are the things you keep in your heart forever . Thanks for listening . I grew up in a little town Lake Superior . Ashland had 9 , 615 people , at least that 's what the sign said when I was growing up . I was the third kid in a family with four children . Clare is my little sister and Mike is my big brother , the oldest is Mary . For as long as I can remember , we had to ask permission to go somewhere at night or to go spend time at someone 's house . " Who 's going with you ? Who 's driving ? Are her parent 's home ? Who else is invited ? " All valid questions that are often met with a heavy sigh and an eye roll by the kid being asked those questions That 's the way it goes when you are a child . Before you know it , you turn 18 and move away to college . No one to tell you to go to bed , or what to eat for dinner or even what to wear . My upbringing must have been pretty good , because I did go to most classes and study and believe it or not , I wore a lot of skirts in college after never wearing one in high school . I suspect all of the supervision I received growing up , set in stone my behavior for my adult life . All of the times I could have chosen to skip school or not do my homework , I immediately thought of the disapproving glance of my parents and it stopped me from doing anything really bad . In high school I was so afraid of disappointing my parents that I never strayed too far from home . I can clearly remember my Dad giving me the car keys and telling me to go buy a pound of butter . It was Friday night , what did they need butter for ? I realize now that they just wanted me to get out of the house for a while , so I bought the butter and went to the library . That doesn 't mean I didn 't have some good times in college . We had some great parties in college , we went to State Street in Madison on Halloween and had fun attending Summerfest in Milwaukee and spring break in Florida . Still the adult supervision I received as a child is still in my head . When I met my husband , his children became the focus of adult supervision . I know they didn 't always agree with their curfew and other household rules . I was not a perfect step - parent , I made mistakes but we all survived and they grew up to be fine young adults who make us very proud . Sometimes I am shocked that they turned out so well , we really lucked out . So you would think the adult supervision years would be a thing of the past right ? The kids are in their 30 's , they both have long term relationships , they work hard and have their own homes . Jerry and I are both retired now , so what 's left ? Adult supervision is surely over when you retire and the kids grow up right ? No , no , no , no , was I ever wrong about that . You see as an adult you have momentary lapses , times when you forget you are in fact a grownup and believe me adult supervision is necessary all of your life . Just a few years ago ( before my husband started a business where he goes to car shows and sells car parts and accessories ) , my husband Jerry went to the Jefferson Car Show and Swap meet . He goes every spring and fall . While I am tired of walking through mud up to my ankles and dealing with the high wind and rain that normally accompanies this show , Jerry loves it so he goes by himself , sort of . You see Jerry is a very outgoing man and has a lot of friends , so even if he goes there alone , he knows he will run into a lot of people he knows , while he is looking for car parts and other treasures . One year he ran into some friends , the Nelson brothers , Ron , Rick and Bob . They kicked tires and looked at car parts all day and decided to go out and have a couple of beers on the way home . They drove back to Lodi and decided to drink beer at a local bar . As usual , when good friends get together , they had more than just a couple . As I sat home in front of my computer working on a program for a class I was taking , Jerry was a few miles from home drinking beer and talking with his friends . Mostly they all sat there and talked about cars . Seriously , they looked at them all day then went to a bar and drank beer and talked about cars well into the night . Cars never lose their fascination for these guys . I was more irritated than worried , it was getting late and Jerry had left at 6AM to go to the show , but he had called so at least I knew he wasn 't too far from home . Meanwhile , Jerry and his friends drank beer , they drank a lot of beer . In fact , they had so much beer that our dog Dallis , didn 't recognize the stumbling , wreck of a man coming through our door at midnight . Jerry was about as " happy " as I had ever seen him . He was smiling , stumbling and smelled like he had fallen into a barrel of beer . Not happy to have just drank the stuff , he smelled like he had done laps in a big pool of beer and was sprayed with a heady mixture of cigarette smoke and just a hint of cheap cigars . Fortunately Jerry had not driven himself home , he had enough sense to leave his car and let a friend drive . I was both relieved he was OK but angry he was in such a state . I had a six foot tall Irishman walking and defying the laws of gravity with every step . He was like a puppet made of Jello . He was bouncing off of walls , knocking things over , but never hit the floor . Dallis was not sure it was really Jerry , she just kept watching him and trying to figure out why he was walking so funny . It was amazing , he was walking like he was on board a boat in stormy seas with twenty foot waves , he stumbled forward and back , left and right and the smile never left his face . One thing about Jerry , he is a happy man . As I struggled to get his boots off , he told me what a great time he had with the Nelsons , yes indeed by the smell of him , he had a very good time . Jerry survived his fun with the Nelsons . He slept late the next day and after some food and aspirin , he was on the road to feeling better . He told me later that he had been " over - served " by the bartender it was really the bartender 's fault , sure it was . A few weeks after the Jefferson Car Show ( and Beer Drinking Championship ) , Jerry told me he was going to Iowa to look at an old car . I know that sounds like a lie , but he was telling the truth . I asked him who he was going with and he said Ron Nelson . Yes , Ron Nelson of the beer drinking , turning my husband into Jello - Man Nelsons . Without missing a beat I looked at him and asked " And just who is providing the adult supervision ? " My question about adult supervision has become something of a legend among our friends . Everyone around here still laughs about it . Just a few weeks ago we ran into Ron Nelson and another friend Rudy at a car show . As we drove away Rudy yelled " Hey Anne , I 'm the adult supervision today ! " Jerry and I both burst out laughing and waved goodbye . It 's nice to know the " adults " are still looking out for the ' kids " , no matter how old we get . Thanks for listening . Well it 's been a while since I 've written any kind of story , but it 's only because I really didn 't have anything to write about . That has changed . I realize now after the past two months that I have something to say and now is the time to say it . I grew up in a little town on Lake Superior . Ashland was the home of my parents and my grandparents lived close by . I was very lucky living so close to them . Growing up seemed like it took forever , but now when I look back , it zoomed by faster than the Starship Enterprise chasing among the stars . It was over in an minute and then I was a young adult . Off to college , then to my first job and then much too soon the end of my working years due to an unfortunate back condition . Adhesive arachnoiditis , wish I could forget I ever heard those words . But it was the end of the line for me and try as I might I can not seem to overcome the pain enough to do any kind of work , part - time , volunteer , etc . I can not even depend on feeling well enough to go out for breakfast most days . And then September 2013 came . It was a normal day , I had been feeling tired and very angry about a family issue that I do not care to delve into right here . Let 's just say , money does things to some folks , even folks you have known all your life , turn out to be people you don 't know at all . I couldn 't sleep so I got up because my scalp itched . It has been going on for a while , I saw a dermatologist who prescribed an antibiotic a few months ago . I complained that the medication gave me a stomach ache but like a good patient , I took the medication . I had some of the medication left over , and it was sitting there right next to a bottle of Benadryl spray . I thought about just spraying my head , it 's just a little spot , but then I saw the medication and took it . I fell back asleep in the chair in the living room and a few hours later woke up to the most terrible pain in my back I had ever felt . I had to call out to Jerry to help me to the bathroom because I was going to be very sick . He came running and soon we were on the way to the hospital . Within 5 hours of taking that pill , my skin was orange , my eyes were yellow , my feet were so swollen I could not get my shoes off and had the nurse pull them off . It wasn 't long before they admitted me to the hospital . I can 't remember a lot about the first 8 days in the hospital . I know people were there , but I can 't tell you all their names and I have no idea what we talked about . I know that the doctors kept asking me if I remembered anything else I had done before I felt sick . I did not remember taking that antibiotic so they didn 't know I took it . My liver and kidneys shut down as did the rest of my organs one by one . I was not getting any better and no one knew why . I asked Jerry to bring me my CD player that I used to take to work and my CD 's in the case I took to work . I knew there was something I had to tell the doctors , but I couldn 't remember anything . By this time a lot of poison was going through my brain and I could barely remember my own name . Jerry apparently tore the house apart looking for my old CD player and the CD 's but he found it and brought it to me . I turned off all the lights in my room and put in , do I even have to say it ? Jimmy Buffett , " Meet Me In Margaritaville " the 2nd CD . I listened to it with my eyes shut and I kept going over that day in my head . I knew there was something more , but I just couldn 't think . And then the third time I heard " Schoolboy Heart " , it clicked ! I took an antibiotic , I wrote it down so when the doctor came in the next day I told him what I had taken . I know I was taken to dialysis many times during the 13 days I was in the hospital , but I don 't remember most of them , actually I only remember going up there twice . It was a weird feeling having tubes hanging out of my neck and having all my blood taken out and put back . It was very weird . It didn 't really hurt , but I had miserable headaches at night after dialysis , but since I was so sick they gave me really strong painkillers , stronger than the ones I normally take for back pain . And now for the astonishing part . I didn 't really know I was that sick . I didn 't have a clue I was laying there dying , but I was . My husband was terrified , I also didn 't know that . I knew he was concerned but I was so out of it , I didn 't really understand how serious it was . I guess that 's a blessing not to know you are in real trouble . And now that it is over and my last labs confirm that my kidneys and liver and everything else is working just fine I have a few things to say . First , my family and friends mean the world to me . I can 't imagine life without any of you , even if I don 't see you for a long time believe me you are always in my thoughts and I am always wishing for nothing but good things for each and every one of you . Finally , having a disability is a terrible thing . I don 't like being in pain all the time and I am sure that those of you going through this hate it too . But , I welcome feeling this pain because it means I am alive to feel it . So even it I complain and yes sometimes feel very sorry for myself , I will try to remember that this pain can only be felt by the living and I am damned glad to be among the living . During the summertime , I would ride my bike over to my friend Kim 's house and at 3 PM we would all gather around her TV and watch , Dark Shadows . There were two main characters , Barnabas who was a vampire and there was a lady doctor , whose name I don 't recall . Anyway , the show always had a scary , bite scene where Barnabas would show his fangs and lean in to bite someone . We always screamed and covered our faces at that part of the show . I begged and begged my Mom to let me go but she said no . Then my little sister tried , she begged and begged . Finally we both started crying during the begging . But nothing worked . Dark Shadows was opening on Friday and we just had to go . So we gave it one more college try . I don 't remember what we did differently , but whatever it was , it worked . Mom gave in and let us go to see Dark Shadows at 7 PM on a Friday with all of our friends . When Friday came we could hardly control ourselves . We all walked downtown to go to the show . Me , my sister Clare , Jody , Terry , Kim , Kathy , Cheryl , I 'm not sure if there were others there , but that is all I can remember . It was dark in the theater and the movie started . We were all sitting together . We were so tense with excitement , we could barely sit in our seats . As the music got louder and louder we knew what was going to happen , sooner or later Barnabas was going to bite someone . And sure enough , the fangs came out , and he bit someone . Only this time , they showed it ! ! The movie went on and it seemed like it was leading up to something pretty big . I 'm not good at scary movies especially when I was a little kid , so I got up to go and get something to drink . I thought that the black cherry soda , would calm me down . Or at least give me an excuse not to see whatever was coming up . I got my soda and opened the door to go back into the theater and saw , all of my friends running up the aisle toward me , screaming . I looked up at the screen and I saw why . Someone had just shot Barnabas through the heart with a wooden stake and he had his fangs out and was chasing someone . It was really gory . It was the bloodiest thing I had ever seen . Did I mention that Dark Shadows the soap opera was in black and white ? This movie was not in black and white . It was mostly in red . I turned around and started running myself . Soda and all we ran down to the ladies room in the basement . We just had to calm down but we were all so scared . And it didn 't help that the sound from the movie was being piped into the ladies room . We couldn 't escape . We all took deep breaths and calmed down . Then we marched back up to see the end of the movie . i don 't even remember what happened after that , but the movie finally ended and we went outside . It was early fall , so it was dark outside , and it was foggy . Just like the movie . There we were a bunch of little girls walking in the fog , and the dark on the way home from a vampire movie . We jumped at every thing we saw . If the wind blew a leaf across the street , we screamed and ran . Basically we screamed and ran the whole way home . We got in the house and locked the door . Went to our room and kept the lights on . All night for many nights to come . I don 't recall ever being that scared of a movie , ever . The blood and gore was hard to ignore and seeing it in color didn 't help . Color . That movie made me long for the good old black and white TV show . And just why was our house surrounded with big scary trees ? I didn 't notice that before , why all the trees ? Why all the leaves blowing and making that rustling sound ? Why the fog ? We were sure that Barnabas was coming for us . I never begged my Mom to let me go to another movie again . Even at the age of 11 I realized that perhaps she did know a little more than I did about whether or not something was ok for me to see . If I had known that the movie was as bloody as it was , I wouldn 't have asked to go . Honestly , I wouldn 't have asked . When I can 't do something that I 've done in the past , it makes me crazy . Even worse is the fact that everyone expects that I can 't do something . Like the laundry . The other day my husband called and asked what I was doing and I told him I was laying down and that my back hurt a lot . He asked me what I had been doing . I admitted that I had done 3 loads of laundry . I knew that I shouldn 't have done it , but I wanted to help out and I wanted to prove that I could still do things around the house and so I did the laundry . That was Monday , today is Friday , it still hurts and I 've had to get stronger pain meds from my doctor to deal with this level of pain . All because I thought it would be ok to try something that I knew I shouldn 't do . So will I do it again ? Probably Why can 't I learn to accept these limits ? I don 't know , I think I 'm probably a little stubborn , but I think the real reason is that for each thing I stop doing , like laundry , working , weeding the garden , etc . I give up a little part of me . And that hurts . I have already given up a lot of things in the past three years , it doesn 't seem fair to keep giving away more of me . I 'm afraid there will be nothing left so I am holding on to things I know I should let go . Eventually I know that I 'll learn from my mistakes and stop doing things that hurt . In the meantime , just like when I begged to go see that movie , I 'll do things that I know I shouldn 't just so I can be like the other " kids on the block " . After all these years I still want to fit in with my friends and be like everyone else . I still want to be me . A few months ago , I was shocked to find out that a friend of mine has been missing since January of 1980 . A young man who lived in a house two doors up from our house , walked out his own front door and hasn 't been seen since . He walked out the door of his family home at 4AM in a blizzard , took a right and where the sidewalk ends at the end of the block , the footprints stopped . I grew up in a little town on Lake Superior . Ashland was a cold place to be in winter , all six months of it . Especially at our house . We were only a couple of blocks off the lake , on a corner lot . Everytime we walked outside , the north wind felt like a slap in your face . It really got you moving quickly to get wherever you were going . During blizzards , I remember loving the lack of human sounds and the loud sounds of Mother Nature really raising Hell . No voices of kids playing , or dogs barking . No piano playing could be heard above the sounds of a blizzard with a lot of snow and howling winds . The wind rattled the windows and shook the house . The trees groaned and creaked under the weight of ice and snow . The small branches would snap and slap at the windows . A great war was being fought outside , Mother Nature herself was trying to regain the land that the foolish humans were claiming for themselves . The war raged on outside our house for days at a time . When the battle was won and Mother Nature had been victorious a calmness would settle in and the snow would subside . In the morning we would blink at the bright sunlight and shiver in the icy cold temperature . The new layer of snow created a pretty white landscape all perfectly smooth , like frosting on a birthday cake . We would put on our layers of clothes , snowpants , extra thick socks , boots , scarves , mittens and hats and the adventure would begin . First up , jump off the front porch right into the snow . It wasn 't very high , but we believed we were fearless to jump right in . Sometimes it was up to our hips and we had a hard time getting out of the snow , but it was fun . Cold but fun . We would go sledding or build a snowfort or go skating at the rink down the street . Even in winter we were outside , having fun and rarely complaining about the cold . If it was too cold , like below zero , we went inside and stood by a heating vent until we could feel our toes again . Sometimes we were so tired we fell asleep before taking off all of our snow gear . But somehow magically we woke up in our little bunk beds every morning . My parents probably missed our nightly sing along . I 've always wondered why they never name blizzards . They name hurricanes and tropical storms , blizzards last for days , they are dangerous , cold , cause power outages , car accidents , frost bite , business and school closings . I think blizzards deserve to be named or at least numbered . Maybe we would have a better memory of those days if we could say , " Remember the big storm of ' 66 , that Daisy Mae was a wicked storm . " well , maybe not Daisy Mae , but you get the idea . Perhaps it was because we were so close to the lake and the windows rattled so much , or maybe it was because we walked everywhere when we were kids , but the storms of my adulthood do not seem as severe . Keep in mind , I live 300 miles south of where I was born . That 's why I went to college without thinking I needed to bring warm weather clothes . I guess location could impact comparing the storms of my youth to the storms we have now , but either way , they should all be named . As a child , I never envisioned living anywhere else and I never worried about storms because I was safe in our big house on the corner of Third Street and Eleventh Avenue West . I knew that in that house , my family would take care of me and love me . When a storm approached , I went in the house and my parents made sure we were warm and clothed and fed . We were safe there . But not everyone has a safe place to go . Especially when you are a kid and can 't take care of yourself . I never thought mistreated and abused children could live in my hometown and I thought poor people all lived far away and that 's why we put money in the collection plate in church . I was a kid , my world was limited to our neighborhood and the lake . How could I know about kids who weren 't safe or people who were poor ? No one ever talked about stuff like that , at least not us . On our block , we had Jody and her family across the alley , Mr . Olson and later Mr . Day next door . And on the other side of Mr . Olson 's house was another house with a Mom and Dad and three kids . I think there may have been older children , but I only remember three kids in that house . The house was run down , covered in dingy white peeling paint . The lot it sat on was narrow and the backyard had a 4 door Rambler that didn 't run and a little shack , covered in tar paper , the rest of the backyard had long grass and weeds . The front yard had a porch and little grass and a lot of dirt . Once in a while there would be an old rusty car or truck out front , but mostly the family walked . The Father worked just up the street at the Chicago Ironworks Salvage Yard . We were all afraid of him . I never really knew why , but we were scared . The kids in the house all seemed OK . The oldest was a girl who I always thought was nice , and she had two younger brothers . The youngest boy always seemed to be in trouble at school and at home . He would get yelled at by teachers and homelife was not much better . The older boy Andy was a couple of years older than me . He was on the JV football team in high school and he was on the Varsity Wrestling team . He also worked as a janitor at my old elementary school Beaser . He swept the floors and emptied the trash cans at night . I would drag Angie up to sit in the park at the school and watch Andy as he swept the floors at night . I was not terribly subtle , I had a big crush . So Angie came with me to stare at Andy while he swept up . My parents didn 't want us to hang out with any of the kids in this family . I never really knew why . They didn 't seem to have a lot of money , but there was something else and I never quite figured out . My parents would make us come in the house if one of those kids even stopped to say hi or something . I don 't know why we were not allowed to play with those kids and I don 't know why we were so afraid of the Dad , but we were . With such a stigma following these kids , it did not surprise me that my Grampa would try and help Andy to get ahead . He was a nice young man and all he needed was someone to give him a chance . Andy worked for my Grampa , doing odd jobs . Grampa really wanted to help Andy , few people ever did anything to help those kids . When my Grampa died , Andy went to the funeral home alone . I decided not to go , I was 13 and my Grampa lived across the street from me . I had seen him nearly every day of my life and I loved him . I didn 't want to remember him lying in a casket , so I stayed away . My uncle told me that Andy walked in all alone and went and stood in front of Grampa 's casket for a long time with his head hanging down . I think he probably loved my Grampa and I know my Grampa thought a lot of him . After high school Andy joined the Navy and moved away . I was happy for him . I thought he finally escaped this town where people said things and treated him unfairly because of some family reputation or something . He had his big chance to get out and he did it . When I finished high school , I moved to Madison to go to college . I was not happy in Ashland either . I had some good friends , but I felt like I would always be the homely girl with braces and acne . I was sure I would always be alone because I was not popular and pretty . My self esteem was pretty low . When I moved I thought I might have a chance to change my life and have a fresh start without having a label like I did in Ashland . And moving to Madison did change my life . I loved college , met and married my husband and had good jobs and bad ones , made friends and eventually reconnected with my childhood friends . I realize now that I cried alot but like every other teen , I grew up and somewhere along the way I learned to like myself . I wish every teen filled with self doubt could see that teen years are temporary and you are not defined by who you were as a teen . In January of 1980 I was preparing to go back to Madison for my second semester of my sophomore year . And by preparing I mean , sleeping and eating . Four weeks of home cooking and a soft bed can reinvigorate any tired coed . Andy was back from the Navy . He served 4 years and came back to Ashland . On January 20th , 1980 a terrible , blustery storm was brewing outside . I was warm and sound asleep in my bed . Two houses away at 4AM , Andy walked out the front door of his home . He stepped off his porch and turned to the right , headed south with the wind at his back . With each step Andy walked away from his home , his life , his family and his friends . And he hasn 't been seen since . Andy 's disappearance is a shock . After hearing about this I realized just how easy it is to walk away from it all and throw off the ties that bind you and walk on to a different life , a different existence or perhaps to throw off the ties that bind us to this Earth and escape a life too full of sadness that it can not be endured for even one more day . A life where every opportunity leaves you full of self - doubt . Where the whispers and insults are an everyday event , with no safe harbor to ease a troubled mind and no safety net . People throw off ties everyday . Families torn apart because of a remark , friends who have a bad day and no one makes the first step to repairing the break . Then too much time has passed and the fractured family or broken friendship can never be repaired and walls go up where there were once open arms . Set adrift with no safe haven , people young and old are adrift all around us . People without a safety net , without comfort , without love . And I hope that everyone who reads this has a safety net , a friend , relative , a pastor , etc . that can make you feel safe and connected . No one should be set adrift all alone , we are social beings , we need to love and to be loved . More important than new clothes , cars , or a brand new TV , the ties that bind you are really the things that set you free . I feel that this story deserves a little introduction mainly because my Mom is going to read it . Rest assured while this is the truth , we never did anything really bad . It was normal childhood mischief and we never hurt anyone or caused a huge problem . Honest . That being said , I 'm too old to be grounded now anyway . When I was a little girl , about 11 or 12 my friends and I were always getting into trouble . For example , Clare and Maxine , would jump off of Maxine 's roof , into the garden of a neighbor . They would pick carrots and eat them and put the tops back in the ground . Not a terrible thing to do but certainly , not saintly either . One summer day we were looking for something to do and we started talking about the old school on Third St . and 9th Ave . The school was abandoned long before we were even born . It was a big sandstone building and I heard it was a boys school . It was closed down many years before . It made us wonder what exactly was inside that empty building ? We weren 't clever enough to wait until dark , so we gathered up some tools we hoped no one would miss and we all peddled down to the building and parked our bikes on the alley side of the old school . There were windows to the basement rooms on that side . All we had to do was pry off the boards that were over the windows and we could lower ourselves into the building . Who knew what kind of treasures we would find ? It was so exciting . Now at this point , being 11 years old , we should have had a better plan . One or two of us should have been working on the window and the rest should have been watching for cops , interested parents or nosy neighbors . After all , I read a lot of Nancy Drew books and she always did things in the dark and when no one was around to watch . But no , we were so anxious to have an adventure , no one was watching and it was broad daylight . I tripped and fell on the wrench I had in my hand , I grabbed it and jumped on my bike and peddled like there was no tomorrow . As was our routine , we peddled in the opposite direction of our houses . If you are in trouble , it isn 't smart to lead adults right to your house . Besides , this guy didn 't look familiar so hopefully he didn 't recognize any of us . As we peddled around several blocks furiously making our way back to our homes I felt something wet on my right knee . I looked down and almost fell off my bike . My pants were ripped and so was my knee . I could see my kneecap through the hole in my pants . This wasn 't good . Little bumps and bruises are easy to explain . But this almost looked like a doctor 's visit kind of thing and those are a little harder . After all , I couldn 't just tell the truth . My mind was racing as fast as my legs , I had to think of something believable and quick . I needed someone to look at my knee . I rode my bike straight into the backyard and laid it down behind the lilac bushes so it couldn 't be seen from the road . That was on purpose too . We were pretty sneaky sometimes . My Mom and my sister Mary were upstairs talking and didn 't really notice that I was upstairs . I went into the bathroom and got a washcloth , soaked it in cold water and put it on my knee . I sat down on the end of my bed , still trying to think of a good story . I had to explain the wrench in my room , the tear in my pants and why my knee cap was showing . I was starting to sweat , I thought I was too young to sweat . looked at my knee . I just said I fell down on a rock . that sounded good , it would explain the bruising and the ripped pants , . It worked , whew , ok now I can start with the boring details . " Jody and I were riding our bikes and we put them down , and I tripped and I fell on a rock down by the lake on those railroad tracks . There were a lot of rocks by good old Lake Superior . Never mind that I was no where near the lake that day , they didn 't know that . Soon after that they tore down the old school and whatever was in it was carted away by dump trucks . We went over the empty lot carefully looking for something that was missed . I kept hoping we would find an old book or diary of some kind . We didn 't find anything but some bricks . Never underestimate a goody - two - shoes . You would be surprised at some of the things I did . Some I will admit , some I won 't , but I can truthfully say , I never skipped school , I was never tardy and I never handed in an assignment late and I never had a detention . Basically I was very well behaved When someone stops their car , you pull the six pack away . It was very funny to an 11 year old . But what was really funny was the night a car stopped , a car with policemen in it . We all scattered , like usual to our hiding spots up the block and away from our houses , except for Angie . She got tangled up in the fishing line ! When the policeman , tugged on the line and followed it into the bushes , he came upon Angie and asked her what she was doing . She told him with a completely straight face , " I was sleeping " The cop asked her who her friends were and like a true blue friend she said " I don 't have any friends " . We were all so loyal back then . So she did the only thing she could do . She let him cut the fishing line so she could get untangled , then she gave the cops a fake name , address and phone number . He said he would call her parents and she looked sad until he drove away . After they were out of sight , we almost fell out of the bushes across the street , we were laughing so hard . " I was sleeping ? Are you kidding ? " That was so funny . It still is . I can 't believe she told him she didn 't have any friends . And with a straight face no less . God we were good back then . Since I love my nephews who are still young and impressionable , I don 't think I will tell them this story until they grow up . Especially because their mother was in the bushes with us . I wish I hadn 't given my doctor my real name . Wouldn 't it be great if you could cure AA by simply changing your name so the disease couldn 't find you ? It 's nice to remember back when I could pedal a bike that fast and hide out from adults who may or may not have caught us doing something we shouldn 't have . And it 's nice to know that it wasn 't just Timmy Fleck having all of the adventures when we were young . We girls had our heroes too , like Angie who told that cop she was sleeping and never gave up her friends . Thanks Angie , wherever you are . I still consider you to be one of my closest friends . AA can 't take that away from me and I bet if you were here right now , you would be thinking of a way to get me out of this mess I 'm in . Like your tangled fishing line , I could sure use your help to get out of this . I want to be free again , like I was then . Free to hide in the bushes when I feel like it . That 's what I want , to be free from AA which has tangled up my life long enough . Posted at 11 : 08 AM in Anne 's Corner | Permalink I grew up in a little town on Lake Superior . Ashland had one high school so it was easyvto figure outbwho to cheer for on Friday night at Weikal Field . Besides , how many teams were named the " Oredockers " ? Just one . And besides I marched in the band , every parade and football game . I played the bassoon so I ended up twirling a gun in a short dress for my high school years . At the end of the last song during halftime , we dropped our guns and lifted our skirts . We spelled Dockers . I was the " E " . How I wish I had that body back . Anyway , we were all inclined to cheer for the home team , we were loyal to our school and it carried on through college . I cheered for the Badgers all through college and I still do . I had season tickets for football every year and even when I broke my leg , I never missed a game . Of course we didn 't go to a bowl game when I was in school , but we did wallop Ohio State at home . It was beautiful . I love cheering the cardinal and white . I still tear up when the band plays " Varsity " . I love my Alma Mater win or lose . This morning I was greeted by first page news about my beloved Badgers . The Badger Herald , the more liberal of campus ' two papers , printed a list " The Worst People on Campus " . What did these people do to earn this title ? Did they kick dogs , boo at Badger games , refuse to stand during Varsity and wave their right arms ? Did they beat up Bucky ? No , the two hundred worst people on campus and " condemned to Hell " tried to sell their Rose Bowl tickets for a profit ! ! I know ! I can 't believe it either . Must be out of state students , probably some fast talking swell kids from back East where things like money matter . Or maybe they are business majors looking to start turning a profit while they are still students . Those Business School t - shirts spell SOB for a reason . Whoever they are , their names were removed from the Badger Herald when it was discovered , gasp , that they found an additional 200 names ! I don 't know that the Badger Herald has discovered perhaps that some students need or want money more than doing the right thing . In these days when so many folks have lost their jobs and homes , can you blame a few misguided youth for trying to turn a profit ? I think not . I think we discovered that while some kids are tired of ramen noodles and pasta with plain tomato sauce , some need the money to help feed their kids or pay for medicine . At least that 's what I 'm trying to convince myself . Please don 't look too harshly on these kids , maybe their dog is sick , or their Mom needs an operation . Whatever the case I 'm sure that the Badger faithful can overlook this indiscretion as they prepare to attend or at least to watch our team play in Camp Randall West . We will not even remember this tiny wrinkle in a perfectly wonderful holiday season leading up to the big game . Forget the 200 and remember the generations of students who would give their right arms to be sitting in the stands on New Years ' Day . We 'll cheer from the kickoff to the final seconds , win or lose . I 'll tear up when Leckrone and company play our favorite song and laugh at all the pushups poor Bucky has to do every time we score . At the end of the day , we 'll take pride in all that our school stands for the good , the bad and the 200 . Go Big Red ! ! In my head I can still hear the crowd singing along with Jimmy Buffett . The 35 , 000 Parrot Heads sang along " Mother , Mother ocean . I have heard you call . " The fans sang the lyrics in time to the band , arms around each other 's shoulders , friends , strangers weaving back and forth in time to the music and feeling all the emotion as if these songs were meant just for them . With the precision of a well rehearsed show , they danced , raised their arms up for Fins and sang every song from beginning to end . The crowd was drenched in their own sweat . They were sharing a moment in time . For over 2 hours , the smiles on the Jimmy 's face were reflected back to him and his band . Back and forth , performers to audience . The performers stopping to watch the crowd , the crowd never taking their eyes away from the band . We heard the boarding call and boarded Jimmy 's pirate ship without hesitation . We rode the wind and the waves all the way to Margaritaville and back again . And just like last year and the years before that , the journey ended much too soon . And somewhere along the way , toward the end of our voyage , Jimmy observed " This is special tonight . " And indeed it was . It will be months before we stop reliving the most recent voyage with Jimmy and longer still before we can listen to Bama Breeze without getting teary eyed because we all know how it feels , just to be a part of this experience . Fins up Parrot Heads , that Buffett Hangover lasts a long time . Thanks for listening , We have a couple of new house mates . Kelly moved home and brought a little dog , Dusty to live with us . Kelly was dog sitting for coworker , but after a few months , his owner selflessly gave Dusty to Kelly and she is thrilled . Dusty at his window . It 's funny how a 12 - year old mutt can change your home , he ' scertainly made a big change here . I grew up in a little town on Lake Superior . In Ashland , our house was on the corner of Third Street and Eleventh Avenue West . We had a big front yard , with a permanent ball diamond worn into the grass . In the winter , the snow filled the yard with a blanket of snow several feet thick . Our front yard was only 3 blocks from Lake Superior and whether they call it a blizzard , or lake effect snow , it still piles up the same way and feels just as cold . There were four big trees on the other side of the sidewalk , making a nice bit of shade all around the yard . There was also a row of lilac bushes down the side of the yard , between our house and our neighbor 's house , Mr . Olson . There was a beautiful bridal wreath bush by the stairs that led up to the front door . It was a great yard for playing in and raking leaves and jumping in the snow . We also had a flat sidewalk perfect for those hopscotch games and jumping rope . Every Friday our Gramma Al and Grampa Jack came over to our house from their home across the bay in Washburn . They helped with the laundry , housework , dinner and basically spoiled us all . One of the things I remember is that Gramma loved sitting in the dining room and looking out the windows . There were two long windows in the dining room over looking the front yard . At night , you could watch the snow falling by the light of the street light on the corner . The snow was always falling in Ashland , it came like gangbusters , right after the leaves fall , the snow falls . The snow looked like diamonds in the yard with a blue white sparkling background . I loved the way it looked when it was all smooth right after a snowfall . When Gramma Al was done doing all the housework and startPosted at 07 : 13 PM in Anne 's Corner | Permalink Christmas is celebrated all over the world . Not in every country , but it 's not just an American holiday . ( Dino 's picture is so pitiful this year , I had to include it . He loves Christmas , just not the hat . ) Growing up we all read about the traditions of our ancestors , sometimes we were told around the dinner table on Christmas Eve or during our big Christmas day lunch . I remember a lot of Christmases and I remember a lot of things we did , but mostly I remember the terrible time - management issues that arose for Clare and I on each and every Christmas . Keep on reading , you 'll see what I mean . I grew up in a little town on Lake Superior . Ashland sits on Chequamagon Bay . We can see the lights of Washburn across the bay at night . We always had snow for Christmas . Heck , we ususally had snow for Halloween . I remember thinking that the only people who really sang " White Christmas " were people who lived in Hawaii or something . Christmas day in our house began early . Normally between 6 and 7 AM , Clare and I would spring up out of our beds like we had springs attached to our feet . We would put on our slipppers and go and wake up Mom & Dad and announce " It 's Christmas ! ! ! ! ! " . As we got to the top of the stairs we would link our arms , and then count down " one , two , three . . GO ! ! " and we ran downstairs as fast as we possibly could . We ran into the dining room and there it was a bountiful pile of gifts . More than the night before and all of our careful stacking and sorting was all undone . Santa must want you to have to look for your gifts all over again . Clare and I would sit patiently waiting for Mom and Dad before we opened any gifts . We would just sit there , whispering excitedly looking to see if our names were on any of the big boxes . When Mom and Dad finally appeared the bedlam began . We tried to be good , but please , we were kids , this was the most awesome day ever , presents before breakfast and no school . What more could you ask for ? As we opened our gifts we would run and show them to Mom and Dad who were stumPosted at 11 : 01 PM in Anne 's Corner | Permalink The Lens of Dorothy Gantenbein Many readers have written asking whose Photogaphs decorate our site . We are lucky that Dorothy Gantenbein allows us to use her work . Please direct your compliments and comments to Dorothy at www . dorothyphoto . com . We love you , Dorothy |
You have found my journal of living as a gimped redneck . Here you will find my thoughts and notions . Please feel free to comment on anything you find worthy of feedback or discussion Billy Mays , a person most people can 't stand , yet someone who with little more than excitement in his voice , built a fortune for his family and those lucky enough to have employed him . A front - man , a con - man , a snake - oil salesman . . . yes a salesman . Someone that most people love to hate . There 's always a frown of bad comment when speaking of such a person . Almost like he 's some sort of magician putting people in a trance to buy his wares . What was his magic ? Did he vex people . . . . maybe had some potion . . . called upon the spirit 's . . . . no . He had a vibrant and enthusiastic voice , a twinkle in his eye , and a smile that any weary person would welcome . Almost 2 " of ice13 days with no electricityLand line down for 2 daysCell tower down for 5 daysRural Water tower ran out of water on evening of day 2 ( water recovered on day 5 ) Major damage to every treeChimney fire on day 2 Lesson 's learnedElectricity is nice , but not essential to survival ~ The first thing that grabs your attention is the lack of computer or TV . Everything just goes quiet . Next you realize that there is no hot water for bathing and dishes . You quickly learn how to heat water on the stove . Next you realize that the newer digital cook stoves won 't light ( if it 's gas ) , and forget the oven ; if you have electric appliances . . . stove , refrigerator , or freezer . . . not only will you not cook , but you will also lose most of your food . If you have electric heat you are out of luck as well . Lights ? enough said . Water " IS " essential to life ~ When it stopped flowing , panic set in . Fortunately for us , as the water flow slowed , my wife had the good sense to start filling everything she could find . Then come the realization that the toilet needed flushing and the animals would need a supply of water as well . Me and the son set out gathering ice to thaw in the bathtub . It was a chore and not very convenient , but served our purposes well . Fire is essential to life ~ Without having a fireplace / insert , we would have frozen half to death . The lows hit 12 degrees and staying warm became a challenge . We have a propane heater down stairs that seldom see much use , but worked well to stave off the cold . Back to the fireplace , with no electricity , the blower 's didn 't blow and keeping warm required a large fire going at all times . On the second morning of the ice storm I rose early and stoked the fire , then the good wife gets up a little later and re - stokes it as well . About fifteen minutes later we heard what sounded like a jet and I ran out to see fire shooting five foot out the chimney . I ran back in and had the wife wake the children and take them out to the van to stay warm while I tried to figure out what to do . All I could figGimped Redneck When I was around five years old , I had this Tonka Tractor . I loved that little tractor . It was a Christmas present that year and for about six month 's I had rolled that thing all over our yard doing all kinds of imaginary work . On one occasion I had been playing with it in the drive way and being a kid became distracted and left it there . About an hour later my Mama had to run to town and in the car we piled . In backing out , we all felt the tire hit something and fearing it was our cat , we all piled out to see . What I saw horrified me . It was my Tonka tractor smashed into pieces ; not even Daddy could fix it . On that day I wept . Still five , my sister had rescued a baby chicken from the local hatchery and she and I ( the baby chicken ) quickly became the best of friends ; I named her Jackie . My relationship with Jackie was a secret as I didn 't want my siblings to know that she and I were close for fear that they might become better friends with her . As she grew I had managed to teach her to follow me around , fly up to my outstretched arm 's , and sit on my shoulder so I could pretend that I was a pirate and Jackie was my parrot . It was our secret relationship and nobody could steal it from us because nobody knew it existed . One day me , Jackie , and Daddy were in the yard when he told me to go fetch him something . When I returned , there she was , flopping around the yard with blood going everywhere . I ran up and saw her head in Daddy 's hand and at that moment , I felt as if I had died . Daddy , thinking I was just upset because I had never witnessed anything being killed before , sent me into the house . In short order Daddy had dressed and Mama was frying her up for supper . When supper finally came , Jackie was served up on a yellow platter for all of our dining pleasure . Daddy offered the prayer and everyone started filling their plates . Mama gave me a leg and I finally lost it . I wept like there was no tomorrow . Daddy then asked what was the matter with me . I unloaded . I told him that Jackie walked with me , she would fly to me , and that she played pirate with me ; she was the parrot . She was my friend . Hearing this , Daddy looked down and apologized . He then told everyone to just stop as he left the table . He returned with a box and gathered her from each plate and asked us all to follow him out back where he conducted a funeral for my friend Jackie . He prayed and asked God to forgive him and asked that I would be able to do the same . We buried her and we all wept together . At ten years of age , my parents had bought a bike for me from the neighbors . It was the coolest bike any kid could ever want . It was green metallic with chrome fender 's . Had a sissy bar , high - boy handlebars and a banana seat . Just flat out cool , and every kid in the neighborhood new it ! Later that summer , while riding around a corner our neighbor , Old Man Vanderpool hit me . I was just bruised , but my bike didn 't survive the ordeal . The frame , forks , and front tire were twisted into a mess . Old Man Vanderpool never even saw me as he pulled his 67 ' Pontiac Tempest into his drive . Dragging my bike the block back home was one of the longest treks I had known up to that time in my life . Due to the fact that I could only drag it about ten feet before I would have to stop and rest , I had plenty of time to consider what had happened . How would I tell my parents ? Then as if drawn by some invisible magnet , every kid in the neighorhood appeared to see the spectacle of my twisted bike . Some would ask what had happened and I couldn 't even look up for fear that they might see me cry . When I finally got home , Daddy came out the door and saw me and my bike . He asked if I was okay and I nodded that I was . He then picked up my bike with one hand , and with the other led me out back . He sat the bike down and continued with me to the back of the house where nobody could see . He picked me up and told me it was okay to cry , and I did . When I was eleven , Mama and Daddy brought home a puppy that we named Happy . He quickly grew into the best dog any kid could ever wish for . He was a black cocker spaniel - poodle cross and was the kind of dog that had the wisdom of years , even as a puppy . For almost five years , Happy was always there to play when I wanted , and was content to just sit patiently by my side when I didn 't feel like playing . He had this insight that let him know when you were sad and could always cheer me up . . . he did this for the whole family . He was the last to say goodbye to Daddy as he left for work , and the first and most excited to greet him when he got home . None of us kid 's could leave the house without Happy tagging along to protect us . That 's just how he was . He never dug through the trash , nor chased a cat or car . He would always go up and greet anyone he saw during his adventures around the block . Everybody in the neighborhood knew and liked Happy . He simply was that kind of dog . . . a good dog . One morning Daddy poked his head in the door after walking out to leave for work and asked if anyone had seen Happy . Someone said that they had the night before . Daddy said , " well . . . he 's probably out runnin ' around , " and left for work . At school that same morning , Tommy , my friend whole lived a block up on the highway , came up to me and said we had to talk . I thought it strange as boy 's just don 't , " have to talk . " He took me aside in the hallway as we waited to go to class and when I looked him in the face I knew something was wrong . He then told me that Happy was dead . I said no . . . he 's not . He said yes he was , " we saw the trash truck run over him . " I told him that it was just probably some other black dog . He said , " no , it was Happy . We saw it was him as the trash man stopped , picked him up and threw him in the back of the truck . " I said , " no , it was some other dog . " The whole day I tried to tell myself that it wasn 't Happy , but inside I knew it probably was , yet I continued to hope . When I got home I nervously walked around looking for him . I was too scared to call out for fear that he would not come . After about a half hour of hoping against hope , I realized that Happy was no more . I finally just sat under the maple tree in the back yard and refused to cry . Just sitting and looking at nothing . After a short spell I heard the rumble of Daddy 's truck and felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach . I knew how much he loved Happy and I knew what was coming . He called out to Happy . Four or five times he called as he circled the house . As he walked up he asked if I knew where he was and I looked up and lost it . He knew as he sit and wept with me . We loved that good dog . For a good spell the sad things in life just seemed to take time off . I grew up , went to school , found good work and finally was blessed with a good wife . Life truly had become good and I had an appreciation for being blessed . About a year into our marriage , I received a call at work from my Father - in - law who told me that my wife was on the way to the ER . He didn 't know what was wrong but told me to meet him there . We beat her there and time just stopped . When she got there she was having sever pain in her abdomen and it was discovered that she was pregnant . PREGNANT ! It hit me like nothing else in life had ever hit me before . I was going to be a Father . Instantly life changed . There was a new meaning for my existence and I liked it . After the exam my wife got some pain meds and I just sat with her in a whole new world of potential and the hope it held . All we had to do was wait for the Dr 's to fix her and life would be good . When the doctor did come in , he explained that my wife was having an ectopic pregnancy , which meant little to me . I listened and finally asked what the procedure was to fix things . He explained that the baby couldn 't be saved . . . at that point , it wasn 't really a baby anyway . In just a few hours I had feared for my wife 's life , celebrated that she would be okay , rejoiced over being a father , and finally told that my baby would not live . I was just numb inside as I tried to be strong for my wife . I really needed to talk to Daddy , but it had to wait . . . I had responsibilities . After I got my wife home and settled , I managed to visit Daddy . I told him all that had happened . All the fear and all the hope . How I was almost a Daddy . He then shared a time in his life I had little knowledge of . His first wife and he had two son 's . The eldest was born with heart problems and had received many surgeries to preserve him . He shared how he feared losing his little boy . He then went on to tell about losing his first wife to cancer . How he held her as she passed and how his world had died . Again he spoke about loss . With a smile he told me of my brother Harold , whom I had never met . How he was a good boy . Always helpful and always had a smile . . . even when nobody was looking . He was just good . He then went on to tell me of someone running up to the house and yelling that Harold had drowned . . . they couldn 't find him . Daddy had run down to the pond and pulled his son from the water and held him . In his bedroom , me and Daddy held each other and wept for and with each other . A year later my wife gave birth to our son Samuel . I still held a place for our first child , but Sam had a place all his own and life was good . He and Daddy were best buddies . They had such the relationship . They loved playing games and one of Sam 's favorites was to sneak up on Daddy and scare him . Daddy had a huge heart , but it was tired , and when Sam would do this , Daddy would almost fall over . After a couple of minutes Daddy would recover and they would just laugh and go on having fun . Daddy always had a candy bar hid just for Sam ; didn 't matter that we were trying to limit his sugar . . . A few more years and pregnancy visited our home again . We had decided to deliver her at home and when the time came , I soon began to question our decision . Labor with this child lasted for almost 12 hours . I prayed and pleaded with God for help . I tried to bargain with Him . I promised to be a better husband and father . I honestly don 't remember what all I did deal for , but know that I surely have not been able to live up to the promises made in desperation that night . When the baby finally was being delivered her cord was wrapped tightly around her neck and we were in trouble . Again I prayed and when we went to try to loosen the cord , it just gave way and we unwrapped it . She was then quickly delivered . As I held this child , along with her mother , we wept for joy . God had delivered Josie to us that day . Josie was a peculiar baby . . . very particular . She wouldn 't let anyone but her mother and I hold her . Anybody else touch her and she would scream . She did allow one other person to hold her though . It was Daddy . They had a connection . I have never seen a newborn laugh and interact like that before or sense . A couple of months later Daddy fell ill and was taken to the hospital . The normal routine was for the Dr 's to call in the family to say goodbye and we would all gather and pray . He would always be back home in a week or so . This time when we went up to pray it was different . I just knew and so did he . Not this time . That week seemed to last a decade . As he went down over time , we seemed to do the same . It was just so . . . just not real . During this week though , I had toughened myself for the time that was coming . Daddy had raised me to understand and take security in life and death . I knew what he believed and believed what he knew . We were both ready . Then he died . As ready as I was . . . I wept , and wept , and wept . My best friend , the guardian of my secrets , my Daddy was gone . The one I needed to hold me , the only one who could hold me was no longer there . Up to the day we buried him I wept . That night I walked out to the woods beside my house and prayed . I asked God why he had taken my support ? The answer . . . It was time to stand up and be the man my Father had trained me to be . I wept no more for him . . . now I rejoice in being able to have had him for the time I did . The scariest thing for me was in realizing that I was at the top of the hill . I then realized something about my Father . I knew him to be a very strong man . Nothing could scare him . . . now I know the truth . After Daddy passed , Josie almost instantly decided that she didn 't need to scream when somebody wanted to hold her . She was happy for anyone and everyone to hold her . It was like the time she had during the life of my daddy was set aside for him . . . the rest could wait . We went on to have two more beautiful girl 's , Aubrey Grace and Katrina Elizabeth , both born at home . All went well and I had little cause for sadness or fear . Time passes and the normal struggles of life progressed as all of life does . Finally the reason for all this writing . In raising a family , sometimes it 's easy for a child to feel misunderstood and unappreciated in the teen years . My son Samuel is there and the other night he had spoken harshly to his younger sister and I wasted little time reminding him that he was a gentleman and was expected to act as such . When suppertime rolled around I called him up and there was no reply . My wife goes down to his room then comes back up asking if I knew where he was . I said he probably went out to the woods to think , like he often does . She went out the back and hollered for him to come up and usually he 's there in a few minutes . Not this time . She calls him a few more times and comes back in with a scared look saying that she can 't find him . I asked if she had called Bandaid our dog who 's usually good at barking and letting us know their whereabouts . She had and there was no answer . I then decided to go get them . Usually I will just walk to the back field and call them and they will come . This night I slipped on a light jacket and walked out and called . No answer from either of them . Then I started to get a bit scared . It was starting to get dark and it was getting cold fast , with a forecast calling for temps below freezing . I go back in and get a light and head out ; I didn 't think to put on a warm jacket . We live on the top of a mountain surrounded by many rocky gulley 's , which I know that Sam loves to climb down into . I quickly made my way to the gully that is the closest and it hit me . Daddy holding Harold after pulling him from the pond . I climbed my way down into the gully with a very bad vision in my head of my son laying hurt . . . or worse . Suddenly I knew the fear of my father . I wept and plead with God to let my little boy be okay . He wasn 't there . I assured myself that Sam would be okay . He 's good in the wood 's and Bandaid was with him . He 'll be okay . Still . . . that vision wouldn 't leave me . I spent the next hour zig - zagging my way back and forth across the hill 's and gulley 's . There was no moon and the night quickly became black . As I worked my way down the mountain my flashlight decided go dim so I mostly felt my way ; saving the light in the case I would have a desperate need for it later . I would turn it on long enough to plot a path down into the gulley 's and then back off . I could feel my way back up . I finally quit calling out to Sam and focused on Bandaid as I now knew something was wrong , and of the two of them , the dog would be the one to hear me first . After a good spell I found myself on a clear hilltop and seeing shadow 's all around I hit the light and find myself in the middle of a herd of cattle . It then hit me . My effort was futile and the wood 's were too big . It was too dark and getting colder by the minute . I have never felt so little in all my life . Right there in the middle of a herd of cattle I stopped and knew I was done . I prayed , but this time I didn 't try to bargain or make any deals . I just wept and asked God to save my little boy . All I could see was him as he scared Daddy so many times . How they would laugh and laugh after Daddy recovered from the fright . I just sit and wept for a short spell . I then got up and started walking . Not really knowing exactly where I was going I just walked silently until I remembered to call out to Bandaid . It was then that I heard a distant bark . I called out more and he barked back . I left the field and ran into the woods in the direction I thought he was . I would call and his reply would get stronger as I tripped and bounced off trees . When I knew he was close I hit the flashlight and he was standing on the edge of the woods waiting and barking . He wouldn 't come to me and I knew something was wrong . I looked around and couldn 't find Sam . I told bandaid to find Sam and he would run ahead about fifty feet and start barking so I could catch up . That dog led me through another field , across a gulley and more wood until we came to the farthest clearing behind our house and stopped . I told him to find Sam and he would run and return to me . He wasn 't sure where Sam was I start yelling out for Sam as I made my way across the field . Finally I heard a faint , " Dad . " At that , Bandaid knew where he was and took me directly to him . I found him trying to make his way back to the house . I asked him if he was okay and he said , " yeah . " I then grabbed him and stood there and wept . I wept for joy . My boy was alive and I have never been so grateful in all my life . I just held him for a spell until he said , " Dad . . . I 'm kinda cold . Can we go home ? " When we finally got back to the house he found a family that was all weeping for joy that he was alive . It was an experience that I hope he never forgets . He saw that night that he is of much value to his family and took a step in the direction of being a man . What had happened was that instead of just going to the edge of the gulley and sitting like he normally does , he just walked until he found a far gulley and decided to sit there and think . Due to no moon , the dark fell faster than he expected and he found himself in an unfamiliar place with no reference point . Our rule is that if you get lost in the woods , just stay put and I will find you . The problem he found was that he knew I wouldn 't think he would be that far out . Then it started getting cold and he didn 't have his warm coat on , so he decided that it would be better to look for a way out than just sit there and freeze . While wondering around he heard the train , which runs due east of our house and he then knew that he needed to walk away from it in order to find his way home . He was on his way home when I found him and would have made it even if I hadn 't found him first . That 's Sam & Bandaid in the picture at the top . . This last week we celebrated our daughter Aubrey Grace 's birthday as she turned eleven . We did the normal birthday stuff ; cake , candles , presents , song & a birthday spanking . For Aubrey , the party was just family ( she really doesn 't like much fanfare or spotlight ) and went just as she wished . When it came time to open the gifts she was so excited every time she got something she really wanted . When she opened the utility gifts such as a hairbrush , clothing etc . , she was just as excited . When she opened the gift her younger sister made her , which was a picture made with crayon and copy paper , she seemed to be more excited for it than anything else . What I love about Aubrey is her concern and feeling for those around her . She has developed this value for time and effort beyond her years . It meant so much to her that Katie had taken the time and effort to make something just for her . Something that no other person in the world can have . The attention of her little sister . I can honestly say that I know no other person in the world who understands that life is more than any object . Life to her is in work , not the achievement , and in this , she has achieved much wisdom and grace at such an early age . Happy Birthday Aubrey ! I 'm so proud that you are my daughter ( yes , God does bless us ) We have seen more than a decade of thinking global . A time when the singular person or community was set aside in an effort to bring the world together in one harmonious ball of humanity . Where a conscious attitude of my actions would make a positive influence on my neighbor on the other side of the globe . A time of sharing wealth with those of us who are in a lesser stance of financial life and being . We have shared our work with the rest of society . As we step down in the world of business and manufacturing , our brethren in less advanced places have found the work we have allowed them . We have chosen to protect wildlife and the rainforest ' sWe have fought for democracy while decrying our own atrocity of intervention . We will not judge any other people or nation . We have removed the bridle from all forms of media . We will accept anything . Has it worked ? |
My father was a fox farmer . That is , he raised silver foxes , in pens ; and in the fall and early winter , when their fur was prime , he killed them and skinned them and sold their pelts to the Hudson 's Bay Company or the Montreal Fur Traders . These companies supplied us with heroic calendars to hang , one on each side of the kitchen door . Against a background of cold blue sky and black pine forests and treacherous northern rivers , plumed adventures planted the flags of England and or of France ; magnificent savages bent their backs to the portage . For several weeks before Christmas , my father worked after supper in the cellar of our house . the cellar was whitewashed , and lit by a hundred - watt bulb over the worktable . My brother Laird and I sat on the top step and watched . My father removed the pelt inside - out from the body of the fox , which looked surprisingly small , mean , and rat - like , deprived of its arrogant weight of fur . The naked , slippery bodies were collected in a sack and buried in the dump . One time the hired man , Henry Bailey , had taken a swipe at me with this sack , saying , " Christmas present ! " My mother thought that was not funny . In fact she disliked the whole pelting operation - that was what the killing , skinning , and preparation of the furs was called - and wished it did not have to take place in the house . There was the smell . After the pelt had been stretched inside - out on a long board my father scraped away delicately , removing the little clotted webs of blood vessels , the bubbles of fat ; the smell of blood and animal fat , which the strong primitive odor of the fox itself , penetrated all parts of the house . I found it reassuringly seasonal , like the smell of oranges and pine needles . Henry Bailey suffered from bronchial troubles . He would cough and cough until his narrow face turned scarlet , and his light blue , derisive eyes filled up with tears ; then he took the lid off the stove , and , standing well back , shot out a great clot of phlegm - hss - straight into the heart of the flames . We admired his for this performance and for his ability to make his stomach growl at will , and for his laughter , which was full of high whistlings and gurglings and involved the whole faulty machinery of his chest . It was sometimes hard to tell what he was laughing at , and always possible that it might be us . After we had sent to be we could still smell fox and still hear Henry 's laugh , but these things reminders of the warm , safe , brightly lit downstairs world , seemed lost and diminished , floating on the stale cold air upstairs . We were afraid at night in the winter . We were not afraid of outside though this was the time of year when snowdrifts curled around our house like sleeping whales and the wind harassed us all night , coming up from the buried fields , the frozen swamp , with its old bugbear chorus of threats and misery . We were afraid of inside , the room where we slept . At this time upstairs of our house was not finished . A brick chimney went up on wall . In the middle of the floor was a square hole , with a wooden railing around it ; that was where the stairs came up . On the other side of the stairwell were the things that nobody had any use for anymore - a soldiery roll of linoleum , standing on end , a wicker bay carriage , a fern basket , china jugs and basins with cracks in them , a picture of the Battle of Balaclava , very sad to look at . I had told Laird , as soon as he was old enough to understand such things , that bats and skeletons lived over there ; whenever a man escaped from the county jail , twenty miles away , I imagined that he had somehow let himself in the window and was hiding behind the linoleum . But we had rules to keep us safe . When the light was on , we were safe as long as we did not step off the square of worn carpet which defined our bedroom - space ; when the light was off no place was safe but the beds themselves . I had to turn out the light kneeling on the end of my bed , and stretching as far as I could to reach the cord . In the dark we lay on our beds , our narrow life rafts , and fixed our eyes on the faint light coming up the stairwell , and sang songs . Laird sang " Jingle Bells " , which he would sing any time , whether it was Christmas or not , and I sang " Danny Boy " . I loved the sound of my own voice , frail and supplicating , rising in the dark . We could make out the tall frosted shapes of the windows now , gloomy and white . When I came to the part , y the cold sheets but by pleasurable emotions almost silenced me . You 'll kneel and say an Ave there above me - What was an Ave ? Every day I forgot to find out . Laird went straight from singing to sleep , I could hear his long , satisfied , bubbly breaths . Now for the time that remained to me , the most perfectly private and perhaps the best time of the whole day , I arranged myself tightly under the covers and went on with one of the stories I was telling myself from night to night . These stories were about myself , when I had grown a little older ; they took place in a world that was recognizably mine , yet one that presented opportunities for courage , boldness , and self - sacrifice , as mine never did . I rescued people from a bombed building ( it discouraged me that the real war had gone on so far away from Jubilee ) . I shot two rabid wolves who were menacing the schoolyard ( the teachers cowered terrified at my back ) . Rode a fine horse spiritedly down the main street of Jubilee , acknowledging the townspeople 's gratitude for some yet - to - be - worked - out piece of heroism ( nobody ever rode a horse there , except King Billy in the Orangemen 's Day parade ) . There was always riding and shooting in these stories , though I had only been on a horse twice - the first because we did not own a saddle - and the second time I had slid right around and dropped under the horse 's feet ; it had stepped placidly over me . I really was learning to shoot , but could not hit anything yet , not even tin cans on fence posts . Alive , the foxes inhabited a world my father made for them . It was surrounded by a high guard fence , like a medieval town , with a gate that was padlocked at night . Along the streets of this town were ranged large , sturdy pens . Each of them had a real door that a man could go through , a wooden ramp along the wire , for the foxes to run up and down on , and a kennel - sometimes like a clothes chest with airholes - where they slept where they slept and stayed in winter and had their young . There were feeding and watering dishes attached to the wire in such a way that they could be emptied and cleaned from the outside . The dishes were made of old tin cans , and the ramps and kennels of odds and ends of old lumber . Everything was tidy and ingenious ; my father was tirelessly inventive and his favorite book in the world was Robinson Crusoe . He had fitted a tin drum on a wheelbarrow , for bringing water down to the pens . This was my job in the summer , when the foxes had to have water twice a day . Between nine and ten o ' clock in the morning , and again after supper . I filled the drum at the pump and trundled it down through the barnyard to the pens , where I parked it , and filled my watering can and went along the streets . Laird came too , with his little cream and green gardening can , filled too full and knocking against his legs and slopping water on his canvas shoes . I had the real watering can , my father 's , though I could only carry it three - quarters full . The foxes all had names , which were printed on a tin plate and hung beside their doors . They were not named when they were born , but when they survived the first year 's pelting and were added to the breeding stock . Those my father had named were called names like Prince , Bob , Wally , and Betty . Those I had named were called Star or Turk , or Maureen or Diana . Laird named one Maude after a hired girl we had when he was little , one Harold after a boy at school , and one Mexico , he did not say why . Naming them did not make pets out of them , or anything like it . Nobody but my father ever went into the pens , and he had twice had blood - poisoning from bites . When I was bringing them their water they prowled up and down on the paths they had made inside their pens , barking seldom - they saved that for nighttime , when they might get up a chorus of community frenzy - but always watching me , their eyes burning , clear gold , in their pointed , malevolent faces . They were beautiful for their delicate legs and heavy , aristocratic tails and the bright fur sprinkled on dark down their back - which gave them their name - but especially for their faces , drawn exquisitely sharp in pure hostility , and their golden eyes . Besides carrying water I helped my father when he cut the long grass , and the lamb 's quarter and flowering money - musk , that grew between the pens . He cut with they scythe and I raked into piles . Then he took a pitchfork and threw fresh - cut grass all over the top of the pens to keep the foxes cooler and shade their coats , which were browned by too much sun . My father did not talk to me unless it was about the job we were doing . In this he was quite different from my mother , who , if she was feeling cheerful , would tell me all sorts of things - the name of a dog she had had when she was a little girl , the names of boys she had gone out with later on when she was grown up , and what certain dresses of hers had looked like - she could not imagine now what had become of them . Whatever thoughts and stories my father had were private , and I was shy of him and would never ask him questions . Nevertheless I worked willingly under his eyes , and with a feeling of pride . One time a feed salesman came down into the pens to talk to him and my father said , " Like to have you meet my new hired hand . " I turned away and raked furiously , red in the face with pleasure . After the grass was cut , it seemed suddenly much later in the year . I walked on stubble in the earlier evening aware of the reddening skies , on entering silence of fall . When I wheeled the tank out of the gates and put padlocks on . It was almost dark . One night at this time I saw my mother and father standing talking on the little rise of ground we called the gangway , in front of the barn . My father had just come from the meathouse ; he had his stiff bloody apron on , and a pail of cut - up meat in his hand . It was an odd thing to see my mother down at the barn . She did not often come out of the house unless it was to do something - hang out the wash or dig potatoes in the garden . She looked out of place , with her bare lumpy legs , not touched by the sun , her apron still on and damp across the stomach from the supper dishes . Her hair was tied up in a kerchief , wisps of it falling out . She would tie her hair up like this in the morning , saying she did not have time to do it properly , and it would stay tied up all day . It was true , too ; she really did not have time . These days our back porch was piled with baskets of peaches and grapes and pears , bought in town , and onions an tomatoes and cucumbers grown at home , all waiting to be made into jelly and jam and preserves , pickles and chili sauce . In the kitchen there was a fire in the stove all day , jars clinked in boiling water , sometimes a cheesecloth bag was strung on a pole between two chairs straining blue - back grape pulp for jelly . I was given jobs to do and I would sit at the table peeling peaches that had been soaked in hot water , or cutting up onions , my eyes smarting and streaming . As soon as I was done I ran out of the house , trying to get out of earshot before my mother thought of what she wanted me to do next . I hated the hot dark kitchen in summer , the green blinds and the flypapers , the same old oilcloth table and wavy mirror and bumpy linoleum . My mother was too tired and preoccupied to talk to me , she had no heart to tell about the Normal School Graduation Dance ; sweat trickled over her face and she was always counting under breath , pointing at jars , dumping cups of sugar . It seemed to me that work in the house was endless , dreary , and peculiarly depressing ; work done out of doors , and in my father 's service , was ritualistically important . What my father said I did not hear . I was pleased by the way he stood listening , politely as he would to a salesman or a stranger , but with an air of wanting to get on with his real work . I felt my mother had no business down here and I wanted him to feel the same way . What did she mean about Laird ? He was no help to anybody . Where was he now ? Swinging himself sick on the swing , going around in circles , or trying to catch caterpillars . He never once stayed with me till I was finished . " And then I can use her more in the house , " I heard my mother say . She had a dead - quiet regretful way of talking about me that always made me uneasy . " I just get my back turned and she runs off . It 's not like I had a girl in the family at all . " I went and sat on a feed bag in the corner of the barn , not wanting to appear when this conversation was going on . My mother , I felt , was not to be trusted . She was kinder than my father and more easily fooled , but you could not depend on her , and the real reasons for the things she said and did were not to be known . She loved me , and she sat up late at night making a dress of the difficult style I wanted , for me to wear when school started , but she was also my enemy . She was always plotting . She was plotting now to get me to stay in the house more , although she knew I hated it ( because she knew I hated it ) and keep me from working for my father . It seemed to me she would do this simply out of perversity , and to try her power . It did not occur to me that she could be lonely , or jealous . No grown - up could be ; they were too fortunate . I sat and kicked my heels monotonously against a feed bag , raising dust , and did not come out till she was gone . At any rate , I did not expect my father to pay any attention to what she said . Who could imagine Laird doing my work - Laird remembering the padlock and cleaning out the watering dishes with a leaf on the end of a stick , or even wheeling the tank without it tumbling over ? It showed how little my mother knew about the way things really were . I had forgotten to say what the foxes were fed . My father 's bloody apron reminded me . They were fed horsemeat . At this time most farmers still kept horses , and when a horse got too old to work , or broke a leg or got down and would not get up , as they sometimes did , the owner would call my father , and he and Henry went out to the farm in the truck . Usually they shot and butchered the horse there , paying the farmer from five to twelve dollars . If they had already too much meat on hand , they would bring the horse back alive , and keep it for a few days or weeks in our stable , until the meat was needed . After the war the farmers were buying tractors and gradually getting rid of horses , that there was just no use for any more . If this happened in the winter we might keep the horse in our stable till spring , for we had plenty of hay and if there was a lot of snow - and the plow did not always get our roads cleared - it was convenient to be able to go to town with a horse and cutter . The winter I was eleven years old we had two horses in the stable . We did not know what names they had had before , so we called them Mack and Flora . Mack was an old black workhorse , sooty and indifferent . Flora was a sorrel mare , a driver . We took them both out in the cutter . Mack was slow and easy to handle . Flora was given to fits of violent alarm , veering at cars and even at other horses , but we loved her speed and high - stepping , her general air of gallantry and abandon . On Saturdays we went down to the stable and as soon as we opened the door on its cozy , animal - smelling darkness Flora threw up her head , rolled here eyes , whinnied despairingly , and pulled herself through a crisis of nerves on the spot . It was not safe to go into her stall , she would kick . This winter also I began to hear a great deal more on the theme my mother had sounded when she had been talking in front of the barn . I no longer felt safe . It seemed that in the minds of the people around me there was a steady undercurrent of thought , not to be deflected , on this one subject . The word girl had formerly seemed to me innocent and unburdened like the word child ; now it appeared that it was no such thing . A girl was not , as I had supposed , simply what I was ; it was what I had to become . It was a definition , always touched with emphasis , with reproach and disappointment . Also it was a joke on me . Once Laird and I were fighting , and for the first time ever I had to use all my strength against him ; even so , he caught and pinned my arm for a moment , really hurting me . Henry saw this , and laughed , saying , " Oh , that there Laird 's gonna show you , one of these days ! " Laird was getting a lot bigger . But I was getting bigger too . My grandmother came to stay with us for a few weeks and I heard other things . " Girls don 't slam doors like that . " " Girls keep their knees together when they sit down . " And worse still , when I asked some questions , " That 's none of girls ' business . " I continued to slam the doors and sit as awkwardly as possible , thinking that by such measures I kept myself free . When spring came , the horses were let out in the barnyard . Mack stood against the barn wall trying to scratch his neck and haunches , but Flora trotted up and down and reared at the fences , clattering her hooves against the rails . Snow drifts dwindled quickly , revealing the hard gray and brown earth , the familiar rise and fall of the ground , plain and bare after the fantastic landscape of winter . There was a great feeling of opening - out , of release . We just wore rubbers now , over our shoes ; our feet felt ridiculously light . One Saturday we went out to the stable and found all the doors open , letting in the unaccustomed sunlight and fresh air . Henry was there , just idling around looking at his collection of calendars which were tacked up behind the stalls in a part of the stable my mother probably had never seen . " Come say goodbye to your old friend Mack ? " Henry said . " Here , you give him a taste of oats . " He poured some oats into Laird 's cupped hands and Laird went to feed Mack . Mack 's teeth were in bad shape . He ate very slowly , patiently shifting the oats around in his mouth , trying to find a stump of a molar to grind it on . " Poor old Mack , said Henry mournfully . " When a horse 's teeth 's gone , he 's gone . That 's about the way . " Are you going to shoot him today ? " I said . Mack and Flora had been in the stables so long I had almost forgotten they were going to be shot . Henry didn 't answer me . Instead he started to sing in a high , trembly , mocking - sorrowful voice . Oh , there 's no more work , for poor Uncle Ned , he 's gone where the good darkies go . Mack 's thick , blackish tongue worked diligently at Laird 's hand . I went out before the song was ended and sat down on the gangway . I had never seen them shot a horse , but I knew where it was done . Last summer Laird and I had come upon a horse 's entrails before they were buried . We had thought it was a big black snake , coiled up in the sun . That was around in the field that ran up beside the barn . I thought that if we went inside the barn , and found a wide crack or a knothole to look through , we would be able to see them do it . It was not something I wanted to see ; just the same , if a thing really happened it was better to see , and know . He sent Laird out of the stable . I said to Laird , " Do you want to see them shoot Mack ? " and without waiting for an answer led him around to the front door of the barn , opened it carefully , and went in . " Be quiet or they 'll hear us , " I said . We could hear Henry and my father talking in the stable ; then the heavy shuffling steps of Mack being backed out of his stall . In the loft it was cold and dark . Thin crisscrossed beams of sunlight fell through the cracks . The hay was low . It was rolling country , hills and hollows , slipping under our feet . About four feet up was a beam going around the walls , We piled hay up in one corned and I boosted Laird up and hoisted myself . The beam was not very wide ; we crept along it with our hands flat on the barn walls . There were plenty of knotholes , and I found one that gave me the view I wanted - a corner of the barnyard , the gate , part of the field . Laird did not have a knothole and began to complain . My father came in sight carrying the gun . Henry was leading Mack by the halter . He dropped it and took out his cigarette papers and tobacco ; he rolled cigarettes for my father and himself . While this was going on Mack nosed around in the old , dead grass along the fence . Then my father opened the gate and they took Mack through . Henry led Mack away from the path to a patch of ground and they talked together , not loud enough for us to hear . Mack again began to searching for a mouthful of fresh grass , which was not found . My father walked away in a straight line , and stopped short at a distance which seemed to suit him . Henry was walking away from Mack too , but sideways , still negligently holding on to the halter . My father raised the gun and Mack looked up as if he had noticed something and my father shot him . Mack did not collapse at once but swayed , lurched sideways , and fell , first on his side ; then he rolled over on his back and , amazingly , kicked his legs for a few seconds in the air . At this Henry laughed , as if Mack had done a trick for him . Laird , who had drawn a long , groaning breath of surprise when the shot was fired , said out loud , " He 's not dead . " And it seemed to me it might be true . But his legs stopped , he rolled on his side again , his muscles quivered and sank . The two men walked over and looked at him in a businesslike way ; they bent down and examined his forehead where the bullet had gone in , and now I saw his blood on the brown grass . " Now they just skin him and cut him up , " I said . " Let 's go . " My legs were a little shaky and I jumped gratefully down into the hay . " Now you 've seen how they shoot a horse , " I said in a congratulatory way , as if I had seen it many times before . " Let 's see if any barn cats had kittens in the hay . " Laird jumped . He seemed young and obedient again . Suddenly I remembered how , when he was little , I had brought him into the barn and told him to climb the ladder to the top beam . That was in the spring , too , when the hay was low . I had done it out of a need for excitement , a desire for something to happen so that I could tell about it . He was wearing a little bulky brown and white checked coat , made down from one of mine . He went all the way up just as I told him , and sat down from one of the beam with the hay far below him on one side , and the barn floor and some old machinery on the other . Then I ran screaming to my father . " Laird 's up on the top beam ! " My father came , my mother came , my father went up the ladder talking very quietly and brought Laird down under his arm , at which my mother leaned against the ladder and began to cry . They said to me , " Why weren 't you watching him ? " but nobody ever knew the truth . Laird did not know enough to tell . But whenever I saw the brown and white checked coat hanging in the closet , or at the bottom of the rag bag , which was where it ended up , I felt a weight in my stomach , the sadness of unexorcised guilt . I looked at Laird , who did not even remember this , and I did not like the look on this thing , winter - paled face . His expression was not frightened or upset , but remote , concentrating . " Listen , " I said in an unusually bright and friendly voice , " you aren 't going to tell , are you ? " " Promise , " he said . I grabbed the hand behind his back to make sure he was not crossing his fingers . Even so , he might have a nightmare ; it might come out that way . I decided I had better work hard to get all thoughts of what he had seen out of his mind - which , it seemed to me , could not hold very many things at a time . I got some money I had saved and that afternoon we went into Jubilee and saw a show , with Judy Canova , at which we both laughed a great deal . After that I thought it would be all right . Two weeks later I knew they were going to shoot Flora . I knew from the night before , when I heard my mother ask if the hay was holding out all right , and my father said , " Well , after tomorrow there 'll just be the cow , and we should be able to put her out to grass in another week . " So I knew it was Flora 's turn in the morning . This time I didn 't think of watching it . That was something to see just one time . I had not thought about it very often since , but sometimes when I was busy , working at school , or standing in front of the mirror combing my hair and wondering if I would be pretty when I grew up , the whole seen would flash into my mind : I would see the easy , practiced way my father raised the gun , and hear Henry laughing when Mack kicked his legs in the air . I did not have any great feelings of horror and opposition , such as a city child might have had ; I was too used to seeing the death of animals as a necessity by which we lived . Yet I felt a little ashamed , and there was a new wariness , a sense of holding - off , in my attitude to my father and his work . It was a fine day , and we were going around the yard picking up tree branches that had been torn off in winter storms . This was something we had been told to do , and also we wanted to use them to make a teepee . We hard Flora whinny , and then my father 's voice and Henry 's shouting , and we ran down to the barnyard to see what was going on . The stable door was open . Henry had just brought Flora out , and she had broken away from him . She was running free in the barnyard , from one end to the other . We climbed on the fence . It was exciting to see her running , whinnying , going up on her hind legs , prancing and threatening like a horse in a Western movie , an unbroken ranch horse , though she was just an old driver , an old sorrel mare . My father and Henry ran after her and tried to grab the dangling halter . They tried to work her into a corner , and they had almost succeeded when she made a run between them , wild - eyed , and disappeared round the corner of the barn . We heard the rails clatter down as she got over the fence , and Henry yelled . " She 's into the field now ! " That meant she was in the long L - shaped field that ran up by the house . If she got around the center , heading towards the lane , the gate was open ; the truck had been driven into the filed this morning . My father shouted to me , because I was on the other side of the fence , nearest the lane , " Go shut the gate ! " I could run very fast . I ran across the garden , past the tree where our swing was hung , and jumped across a ditch into the lane . There was the open gate . She had not got out , I could not see her up on the road ; she must have run to the other end of the field . There gate was heavy . I lifted it out of the gravel and carried it across the roadway . I had it half way across when she came in sight , galloping straight toward me . There was just time to get the chain on . Laird came scrambling though the ditch to help me . Instead of shutting the gate , I opened it as wide as I could . I did not make any decision to do this , it was just what I did . Flora never slowed down ; she galloped straight past me , and Laird jumped up and down , yelling , " Shut it , shut it ! " even after it was too late . My father and Henry appeared in the field a moment too late to see what I had done . They only saw Flora heading for the township road . They would think I had not got there in time . They did not waste any time asking about it . They went back to the barn and got the gun and the knives they used , and put these in the truck ; then they turned the truck around and came bounding up the field toward us . Laird called to them , " Let me got too , let me go too ! " and Henry stopped the truck and they took him in . I shut the gate after they were all gone . I supposed Laird would tell . I wondered what would happen to me . I had never disobeyed my father before , and I could not understand why I had done it . I had done it . Flora would not really get away . They would catch up with her in the truck . Or if they did not catch her this morning somebody would see her and telephone us this afternoon or tomorrow . There was no wild country here for her , we needed the meat to feed the foxes , we needed the foxes to make our living . All I had done was make more work for my father who worked hard enough already . And when my father found out about it he was not going to trust me any more ; he would know that I was not entirely on his side . I was on Flora 's side , and that made me no use to anybody , not even to her . Just the same , I did not regret it ; when she came running at me I held the gate open , that was the only thing I could do . I went back to the house , and my mother said , " What 's all the commotion ? " I told her that Flora had kicked down the fence and got away . " Your poor father , " she said , " now he 'll have to go chasing over the countryside . Well , there isn 't any use planning dinner before one . " She put up the ironing board . I wanted to tell her , but thought better of it and went upstairs and sat on my bed . Lately I had been trying to make my part of the room fancy , spreading the bed with old lace curtains , and fixing myself a dressing table with some leftovers of cretonne for a skirt . I planned to put up some kind of barricade between my bed and Laird 's , to keep my section separate from his . In the sunlight , the lace curtains were just dusty rags . We did not sing at night any more . One night when I was singing Laird said , " You sound silly , " and I went right on but the next night I did not start . There was not so much need to anyway , we were no longer afraid . We knew it was just old furniture over there , old jumble and confusion . We did not keep to the rules . I still stayed away after Laird was asleep and told myself stories , but even in these stories something different was happening , mysterious alterations took place . A story might start off in the old way , with a spectacular danger , a fire or wild animals , and for a while I might rescue people ; then things would change around , and instead , somebody would be rescuing me . It might be a boy from our class at school , or even Mr . Campbell , our teacher , who tickled girls under the arms . And at this point the story concerned itself at great length with what I looked like - how long my hair was , and what kind of dress I had on ; by the time I had these details worked out the real excitement of the story was lost . It was later than one o ' clock when the truck came back . The tarpaulin was over the back , which meant there was meat in it . My mother had to heat dinner up all over again . Henry and my father had changed from their bloody overalls into ordinary working overalls in the barn , and they washed arms and necks and faces at the sink , and splashed water on their hair and combed it . Laird lifted his arm to show off a streak of blood . " We shot old Flora , " he said , " and cut her up in fifty pieces . " We sat down and my father said grace and Henry pasted his chewing gum on the end of his fork , the way he always did ; when he took it off he would have us admire the pattern . We began to pass the bowls of steaming , overcooked vegetables . Laird looked across the table at me and said proudly distinctly , " Anyway it was her fault Flora got away . " " Never mind , " my father said . He spoke with resignation , even good humor the words which absolved and dismissed me for good . " She 's only a girl , " he said . Here , here for Munro ! Love to see her finally recognized . My wife whose experiences growing up in rural BC were quite similar is enjoying the recognition of great Canadian storytelling . Steve Evans , dang you . I don 't have time to read for pleasure this morning . " We were not afraid of outside though this was the time of year when snowdrifts curled around our house like sleeping whales and the wind harassed us all night , coming up from the buried fields , the frozen swamp , with its old bugbear chorus of threats and misery . " |
" The Parson " IllustrationDovie Reynolds The dust storm picked up speed as it whipped through Davenport on this warm October day . The coach was late arriving , Julianne Morston noticed , but it was always a bit late on Saturdays . As the widow of the former parson , she thought it her duty to meet the new parson and introduce him to their lovely little town . She had only finished moving their things from the residence above the church building the day before . Of course , she couldn 't have done it so if not for the people of Davenport . Such kind souls they were . The thought of sifting through her dead husband 's things without a shoulder to lean on : it would have been more than she could bear ; it was more than she could bear . Oh , stop it , Julianne ! she told herself . You 're going to start crying again , and won 't that be a pretty sight for the new parson . What a welcome , indeed . She dried her eyes with the back of her hand when she realized that with all the dust flying about , her face was probably streaked . She went indoors at the general store and asked to borrow the wash basin . " Of course you can use the washbasin , " Marie Lauterbach said when asked . " It 's in the back room , Mrs . Morston , in case you didn 't know . " Julianne walked with measured steps around the flour sacks and pickle barrels to the back room . It stank . That was where Marie and her husband George kept the skins that they had acquired trading with the trappers . It began to make Julianne nauseous . Just wonderful ! Sad and sick , too . Won 't I be a sight ? She started to cry again , as softly as she could , so that Marie or George would not hear . She poured water from the pitcher into the basin , then wet her handkerchief and daubed her face . In the mirror behind her , she saw the dust playing in the air , illuminated from the light of the setting sun drifting in from the uncurtained window . Then she heard the galloping hoof beats . The carriage was pulling into town , and here she was , feeling sorry for herself instead of doing her duties . She dried her face on her skirt and left the general store , giving Marie a hurried thank you as she left . When the carriage stopped , the chestnut team and the driver shifted back and forth nervously , but the carriage door did not open . Julianne stood and watched the carriage , transfixed . Was he in there ? When the light was almost gone and she could barely see , the door swung slowly open . The parson emerged . He closed his Bible as he descended the carriage steps . " I never like to cease reading a Psalm in the middle , but in this light it is quite impossible . " His voice was very quiet , much more peaceful than Julianne had expected . He looked sickly yellow , but she assured herself that it was a trick of the low light . He 's dying , she thought , then told herself not to be silly . Death had been her constant companion lately … The man 's face showed and eerie sympathy . " I am so sorry to hear about your husband , Mrs . Morston . What a terrible tragedy . " Julianne found herself nodding as the tears welled up in her eyes . She turned away form the parson so that her would not witness this moment of weakness . " My dear , " he said , patting her arm , " do not be ashamed of your grief . Even Jesus wept . " At these words , she found herself turning around , collapsing into the parson 's arms , and weeping on his neck . After Julianne had composed herself , she apologized profusely , as she showed the parson to the church building and his upstairs rooms . He said he would not accept her apology because it was unnecessary . : Our Lord wept at the death of his friend Lazarus , and He is our Savior , our example . " He spoke these words as he followed her up the stairs from the church to the house above . " Christ never sinned , and if He shed tears at the passing of a loved one , then it is not wrong for you to do the same . " " You and your husband had no children ? " She was perplexed at this question . Again , the look on her face must have been telling . " I meant no offense , " he added , " I was just noticing that this home has none of the scuffs of childhood . " " Well , I 'm certain the Lord had blessed you in other ways , Mrs . Morston . You are a strong woman , which shows on your face . Full of life , and the love of the Lord . Would you mind showing me around the church building ? " " Thank you again , " Julianne answered , " and no , I would not mind at all . " She led him downstairs . The children 's classrooms were the closest to the stair , so she started there . " This room , just across from the stairs , is where our older children are taught . " Julianne opened the door . The chalkboard listed the twelve tribes of Israel , grouped by the wives of Jacob who had borne each one . " Our youngest students are taught in this room , " Julianne said as she opened the next door on the right . It was scattered with paper cutouts of the parable of the loaves and the fishes from last Sunday , and the book of Ruth from the week before . " Across the hall is the classroom for the middle children , " she said as they left the elementary room . This chalkboard contained the names of the children who had said the books of the Bible from memory , and the memory verse for the next week : Galatians 2 : 20 - - - - - " I am crucified with Christ , nevertheless I live ; yet not I , but Christ liveth by the faith in me , and the son of God , who loved me and gave Himself for me . " From this room , a door led to the main auditorium . " Do not fret yourself , Mrs . Morston . I agree with your husband . And no windows ? Your husband did not believe that seeing the sun is idolatry , surely ? " " No , " Julianne laughed . " However , it does cut down that amount of outside noise that pervades one 's worship . The house is the only part of the building that has windows . " " I see , but one can worship in one 's house , as well . " The parson glanced at his watch . " It is late , and I am afraid I have kept you out later than I should have . " He led her to the door . " I can see myself back upstairs , " he said , and before she had time to let his words fall on her ears , he was gone , the door slammed in her face . Julianne was not quite sure what to think of the new parson . He was much younger than she imagined . He could not be more than thirty , but he was supposed to have preached at Red Oak fifteen years ago . Perhaps his youth , too , was a trick of the light . He must have started young . She was sure he would look his age in the morning . Besides , she thought , many men have boyish faces all their lives . Sometimes , only the gray hairs of time are the true heralds . With this thought echoing through her mind , she washed and climbed into her bed in the back room of the general store , and finally fell asleep . The next morning , Julianne woke , washed , and went t see how the new parson was doing before church was scheduled to start , and if he needed anything . On her way , she stopped to look at the sign in the churchyard . Most of it was the same , " Davenport Church - - - Visitors Welcome - - - Services - - - " Only when she reached the next line did she notice " - - - Sundays 4 : 00 P . M . to 6 : 00 P . M . - - - - Wednesdays 7 : 00 P . M . to 8 : 00 P . M . " These were on separate blocks of wood hung over the old message . He must have found the paint and wood in the closet , cut the boards , and hung them himself . He changed the sign last night , she thought , in the dark ? Well , I suppose he had to if he were to cancel service this morning . When she reached the parson 's living quarters , she knocked on the door , but there was no answer . He must be gone , or asleep . If he worked on that sign after I left , he must be tired indeed . She tried the door . It was locked . Julianne , what are you doing ? There is no reason for you to be spying on the new parson ! She descended the stairs quietly as a mouse . When she closed the door to the first floor landing and turned around , behind her was the parson . She gave alittle yelp . " I am a night owl , I must admit , " he said with a smirk . " And a day owl . I believe no minute the Lord has made is worth wasting . ' Early to bed and early to rise … . ' " " No , Poor Richard 's Almanac , I believe . I see that you are wondering why I changed the times of service to so late in the day . " Julianne nodded , not the least bit worried that he had read her mind . " With winter approaching , it was probably wise to save our fuel . So why not let the fuel serve the duel purpose for heat anyhow , considering that we will have forty church members in such a cozy building , but every little bit helps . " " I don 't mind , " Julianne answered wistfully . " He simply wasted away … . The doctor said he 'd never seen anything like it before , really . " " But the doctor didn 't catch it ? " She shook her head ; hadn 't she already told him no one else had caught it ? Not real bright , this parson . " He should have known it was not catching and let you see your husband . " " Men of Science do not know everything , Mrs . Morston , " he said with a patronizing smile . " The only true wisdom is with the Lord . " Julianne suddenly wanted out of the church building . The sermon that night was on Sodom and Gomorra . The parson spoke with fire in his green eyes , almost as though he had been there , Julianne thought . She sat with the Lauterbachs , the fourth pew from the back on the right . The people of Davenport thought it odd that she stared with such urgency at the new parson , since the former parson , dead not a month , had been her husband . He seemed to cast a spell on her ; nay , on all the younger women of Davenport . But they did not all admire his handsome looks . Some were very frightened of him . When he spoke , they felt as though he were touching them in a way they wished not to be touched . Those who had experienced that with their fathers , brothers , or uncles swore silently that it was the same feeling . Those who had not , merely felt the unpleasantness . Julianne had not noticed the unpleasantness until her encounter with the parson that morning . Before , she had been too engrossed in her " duties . " His smile , as she left the church building , seemed to transform . Now , it began to take shape , right before her eyes during the sermon , she saw him as he was : his eyes were to large and he had too many teeth . And his odious smile ! She was frightened of him , all at once . Then , he was looking right at her . What is he saying ? By our own actions we shall be judged ! " Julianne stood and stumbled toward the door . He thinks I killed my husband ! she thought as she filled her lungs with the evening air after she had shut the church door . Then she ran . " It 's no wonder , having to sleep with those awful skins . I 'll make George move them to the storage room on the other side of the store . Just because we are poor does not mean we must be bad hosts . George ? ! ? " Her husband hollered " Ja ! " from the back room , and she went to speak to him . Julianne continued stocking her shelf , trying not to think of the way the parson looked at her the night before . She had no idea that , across town , Heather Jones was thinking the same thing . When Mrs . Lauterbach returned , she entered the room talking . " Dr . Hughes came in this morning , saying that his dog was missing . Since he lives just down the way , I was wondering if you had seen her ? " Julianne shook her head . " By the way , my dear , the parson sent an order for some meats . Almost every housewife in town has invited him to dine , but he refuses them all . Would you take the package to him ? " Julianne 's heart jumped into her throat . You will have to look at him sooner or later . Might as well get it over with . She took the package from Mrs . Lauterbach , who , if she had not known better , would have mistaken Julianne 's response as looking as if she were falling in love with the new parson . Julianne made her way out the door . The sun was bright , and she tried to shield her eyes form it . Luckily , the church is only a block away . This time the door to the upstairs landing was locked . Julianne left the meat at the door , after knocking and trying to make a great deal of general noise so that he would not be surprise her again . She walked away from the landing door , slowly at first . By the time she made it to the outside door , she was galloping , and her heart pounded . What is the matter with you ? She told herself . It is only the parson . You are being very silly , Julianne ! Heather Jones looked out her second story window to see Mrs . Morston standing outside the church door , hands clasped to her chest , looking deathly pale . She knew that Mrs . Morston must have felt the same thing , or had the same dream she 'd had . She stormed down the stairs . Heather just had to talk to Julianne Morston , though she was not quite sure why . Her mother caught her at the foot of the stairs . " Don 't talk back to me ! " Mrs . Jones hissed . She gave Heather a smack on the cheek that sent her reeling . It 's not ladylike to hit , either , Heather thought . She had learned months ago that to talk under her breath would get her a much worse beating . Her mother was never this bad before she lost her husband , Richard ; he had always managed to keep her from really hurting Heather . Now he was gone , and she had no protection . But one day , she 'd be able to overpower her mother , and then . . . . . She smiled sweetly when she turned around and answered . " I certainly do . With your father gone , I have to be a mother and father to you . You should be grateful that I teach you what is right and what is wrong . What does it say in Proverbs ? " " That 's right , " Deborah replied in a patronizing tone . " And you aren 't spoiled , are you ? " Heather shook her head , still smiling . " And who do you have to thank ? " " That 's right . Now come and give your mother a hug . " Heather walked cautiously into her mother 's arms , prepared for a blow . Her mother held her and then stroked her hair . Heather shivered . " Is your room cleaned , child ? Cleanliness is next to Godliness , you know that . " Heather nodded . " Everything is in its place ? Do not lie , child , because God will know . " She nodded again . Her mother took a handful of hair in her right hand and pulled her daughter 's face back to face her . " Then get out of my sight ! " her mother hissed . " Children should be neither seen nor heard ! ! ! " " Mrs . Morston ! " Heather got her attention just as Julianne had mustered the strength to walk away . " Mrs . Morston ! " Heather called again , just to make sure . Julianne looked around to see the Jones girl . Mrs . Morston did not look calm again , Heather noticed , until she had stepped off the church porch . " Hello Heather , " she said with a half - laugh . Julianne was always fond of the Jones girl , though she felt that something troubled Heather . In a motherly way , she secretly hoped the girl would confide in her , but she knew it would never happen . The Jones home was upstanding in the community , so what could possibly be wrong ? Julianne 's maternal instincts started to cheer . She took each of Heather 's hands in her own . " All right , child . Come into the store - - - - " " All right , I suppose . " As they walked toward the river , the woman and the soon - to - be woman made conversation about the weather , and clothes , and the young men in Heather 's life . But by the bank , their tone became more serious . " Now , what is the matter , Heather ? " Mrs . Morston asked when they had settled on the grass . Heather stared at the ground , picked up a twig and began to pull the bark off it . " It 's alright . " Heather 's face dropped again as she replied . What she meant was : " It would be more all right than you could ever know ! " One night , a week later , Heather woke from another strange dream to hear voices coming from her mother 's room . She sat up and tried to listen . Her mother was crying , and the other voice was saying something about atonement . She strained to hear . " It is necessary for you atonement . " She had never meant to sin , Deborah Jones said , but she had to correct the child . She was odd , she just wasn 't right , and she needed extra correction . The voice said , " Children can be bad , sometimes , but they are only to obey their parents when their parents are right with the Lord . " Heather heard a muffled cry , and then there was silence . She wanted to know what was happening , but her limbs would not obey . After ten minutes , she managed to stand and walk to her window . She saw the Parson leaving her front porch and walking back to the church . She went to her mother 's room . Her mother lay in bed as still as death . " Mother ? " Heather whispered , afraid that something unwanted might hear her . She whispered it again , a little louder . She walked slowly to her mother 's bedside , reaching out her hand . Deborah Jones was cold , but she moved when Heather touched her . Heather felt for a heartbeat ; it was weak , but it was there . She left the room and went back to bed . The next morning , Heather woke around seven , dressed quietly , washed and went to get the doctor . She made sure her mother was still alive first , for she knew she could not just let her mother die , as she hoped she would , without acting the part of a concerned daughter . People might be suspicious . Dr . Hughes examined Deborah Jones carefully . " Your mother was usually healthy as a horse , Heather . What do you think happened ? " " Mother usually wakes me at six . When I woke this morning , it was seven , so I knew something was wrong . I came in her , and she was like this . " Deborah Jones died that afternoon . The funeral was two days later . The Parson sent regrets to Heather that he would have to be out of town and could not perform the ceremony , as she requested . Heather dressed tactfully in black , but few tears came . Mrs . Morston approached the girl after the final prayer , led by Dr . Hughes , at the interment . The funeral party , as it customary at country funerals , brought food so that the bereaved do not have to cook for a while . Most of them were older couples , most of Davenport was older couples , and they realized , after they had talked among themselves for the better part of an hour , that they had little to say to the poor girl . They left slowly , two by two , after expressing a final phrase of sympathy . Finally , Heather Jones and Julianne Morston were alone . " It is not breaking in if one has a key . I forgot to give the parson the spare , then I had a feeling that I might need it . He is out of town . " Julianne and Heather entered the church without trouble . The townspeople saw , but who would think ill of a girl whose mother just died going with a friend to the church for sanctuary . Julianne unlocked the door to the landing , and they stepped inside . The building seemed very quiet , frozen in time , as if it were holding its breath . They climbed the steps as silently as they could , with their wooden heels clapping on the wooden floor , and the planks creaking with every step . Half - way up , Julianne realized that she smelled something familiar . She could not place the odor until they were almost to the top . It smells like the skins in the cooler . Julianne motioned Heather to stop on the stairs . She was not certain she wanted Heather to see what was on the inside . She turned the key in the lock slowly . The lock clicked . She took hold of the knob , turned it slowly to the right , and pushed the door . It had opened only six inches when she had seen all she wanted to see . She slammed it shut , pulled out the key , and they ran down the stairs . They ran down the long hall , and out of the church , never realizing that the parson was watching . " It was old . Hundreds of years ago . He was dressed like a monk , but he looked the same age as he is now . And there was a woman . . . . Dark and sinister . They were in a castle , and she took him to her room . " " He kept repeating ' It is forbidden ' but she simply laughed and dragged him in . He did not really resist . Then , he seemed to faint . And then I 'm not quite sure what happened . It looked as if she were biting him . Then I woke up . " Heather looked pleadingly at Julianne , the same look she wore outside the church . " Will you stay here with me tonight ? " " Of course , if you want me to . " The girl rushed into Julianne 's arms . She held her and stroked her hair . Heather began to cry . The woman and the girl stayed together in the guest bedroom . Heather slept fitfully , and Julianne watched over her , stroking her hair and trying to calm her nightmares . At midnight , her whimpering , tossing , and turning ceased . Julianne lay down decide her , and was soon fast asleep . " No , he did not leave . But now he 's gone . Come to the church . I 'll show you . " They dressed and went to the church . It seemed that no one else was awake . The sun was barely up . They knew it would be dark in the church building , so they brought candles . On one of the pews was a pile of dust , a wooden stake , and the parson 's clothes . And a note addressed to " Mrs . Julianne Morston . " Julianne opened it and read it aloud . There are two reasons that I addressed this note to you . One is because you discovered my secret , and the other is because I killed your husband . The child knows something about me , as I knew something about her mother . I have lived for many years in many places , but only how it started is of concern to you . When I was young in the Lord , I committed a carnal sin , and you have seen its consequences . I was warned about this woman . Those around me told me she was evil . I should have seen it . The Lord warned me about her in Proverbs 2 : 16 - 19 : ' To deliver you from the immoral woman , form the seductress who flatters with her words ; who . . . forgets the covenant of her God . For her house leads down to death , and her paths to the dead ; None who go to her return , nor do they regain the paths of life . ' I tried to cheat my just punishment . I tried to take only poor , dumb creatures , but my sin was too great . I try to start with the evil people , those that need to be punished . God 's words echo in my brain all the while . ' Thou shalt not kill . Thou shalt not kill ! ' It grows out of control inside me . It is gluttonous . Then I take anyone , faithful or fallen , good or evil . ( At a time like this , I met Mr . Morston on the road , and I took his blood , and then his life . ) Finally , I can kill no more , and I flee . Then it starts again . This time I decided to end it . To take my life , as Judas did , is a sin against heaven , but no more than taking the lives of innocents of not - so - innocents . I trade one wretched , condemned soul , damned form the start ( I , not Paul , am the chief of sinners ! ) , so that many more might find God 's peace . This , I believe , is a fair trade . Julianne and Heather swept up the dust , and threw it , with the clothes and the stake , in the river . They never mentioned the note . They wanted it to appear that the parson had just left town and decided never to come back . They went home to live in Heather 's family home . She was the only heir , so there was no need of a will . No one would question her right to live there . And Julianne stayed for the rest of her life . She never knew why Heather hated her mother so , and she never asked . One needed a mother , the other wanted a daughter , and that was all either of them ever needed to know . |
by Ms . ThalerAs one of my students writes , middle school is a lot like a roller coaster . While he was referring to the student experience , I can vouch for the fact that teaching in middle school has its ups , downs , and loop - de - loops as well . For me , this year has included many joys . I 've seen students ' faces light up as they mastered a new vocabulary word or saw their own improvement as readers and writers . I 've guided students who previously hadn 't had any classes together in collaborating successfully on projects . Meanwhile , I 've gotten to know my bright and talented students during spirited class discussions , after - school conversations , and even a small group foray to see the premiere of Twilight . I celebrated my birthday at school , and was completely amazed by the outpouring of birthday wishes , cards , and even treats I received from my students . My year has also included its share of sorrows . I 've had to bid farewell to students I cared deeply about , who were leaving to attend other schools . I 've seen my students endure many hardships , both in and out of school . And along with parents , other teachers , and community members , I 've struggled to understand and cope with the upcoming budget cuts that will deeply affect the Claremont community . Those are just some of my memories of this , my first year teaching at Claremont . The essays that follow describe , in their own words , experiences that my students have had over their middle school years that have taught them something , changed them in some fundamental way , or made them who they are today . Their experiences and voices are as diverse and unique as they are , and I feel honored to have been able to glimpse these snapshots of each of their roller coaster rides . I hope you enjoy them as much as I have . by DWAugust 28th , the first day of my first day of 6th grade at Claremont MiddleSchool , and I was kinda shy when I steped on campus . It was kinda different fromelementary , and when I got to my first class I was happy because I made a lot ofpatnas and we had some good times that fist day at school . I wanted to go back toschool really bad because it was so fun . The next day I had gotten more confident totalk to other people to make friends and luckily I had a lot of cousins that wenthere in my first year at Claremont , so I had nothing to worry about , because theyhad my back and I had theirs , because we were close like that . When I used to getinto fights they made sure I didn 't get jumped . That 's why I liked my first year inmiddle school and I never wanted to leave Claremont . The summer of ' 06 , before 7th grade , was the best summer ever , becausethat was the last months I spent with my uncle before he died on December 23 , 2006 . The day he died was one of the worst days of my life , because he was alwaysthere for me all the time . Back then I really didn 't have a Dad , so he was like a Dadto me . When he died I was so sad and angry . I didn 't get over that until my 8th gradeyear , so that really messed up my life . Back then , when I would think about him Ifelt like I just wanted to kill myself , because he was a dad , friend , and uncle to me . I started getting worse in my classwork , and that 's what really messed me up in my7th grade year at Claremont . Now I can think about my uncle and not get mad , because I know he 's in abetter place , so I feel better about it . Now I 'm in my last two weeks at Claremont . Imight not graduate from middle school . I learned that you should always thinkabout your class work before anything so you can graduate . I also learned thatgetting over death takes time . by KWIt all started in middle school in 6th grade . I have been changing a lot ever since I can remember . The people I hung with were bad . They skipped school , skipped class and even were disrespectful to their elders . I was getting so many bad grades , it wasn 't even pretty . I started skipping school in 7th grade . I was disrespectful to my teachers … I don 't know why but I was . When I was in 7th grade I was even worse , I was staying out late and was coming to school late . But when I got in 8th grade I couldn 't trust nobody . I had to keep to myself . I was starting to get good grades . I was in so much stuff this year because females were hating on me , but I got over that . So now I 'm trying to get these good grades because I 'm stressing so much because all the stuff I 'm going through outside of school and inside of school . It 's affecting me in school because of all the stress , but I just have to leave that alone . I have to focus in school more now cause I only have one more week to get this 2 . 0 . I 'm not trying to repeat this grade over . It 's not going to happen . And it 's like my teachers are failing me on purpose . But I don 't know . So now I 'm in danger because I only have 1 more week until this marking period ends . So I 'm counting on myself to get this done , and my teacher , Ms . Thaler , is too . So now I 'm so mad because people keep talking mess about me and my sis but there 's nothing I could do about it , and if that really gets on my nerves then I 'm going to have to do something about that , but I 'm not going to even trip off that . Now I only have one week left to bring up my grades . I 'm starting to do pretty good on my work so my grades could come up . The only thing I have to do is do my math project , and I think that 's about it . I need to come to school on time and do all my work for my A day and B day classes . When I accomplish this I will really be proud of myself and I will be able to move on to high school . by YungAceMy life in middle school obviously starts in the sixth grade , but not at Claremont . It was at Sankofa . My first day was cool because that 's when I met my first middle school friends . Troy and Hosea were their names . We were real cool and we found out we all like basketball . The end of the school year came along and it came to be that Sankofa was getting dropped to just an elementary school , so we all made a big choice to go to Claremont . It was a new year for new beginnings and it started at Claremont Middle School . First me , Troy , and Hosea saw each other waiting in line for enrollment , but what I didn 't tell you was two other dudes went to sixth grade with me , too : Leon and Alphonso . We ended up seeing them too , and Troy , Hosea , Leon , and Alphonso had another patna by the name of De ' Markus . We all ended up having either most or all of our classes together , and that changed a lot of stuff about me . I became a comedian , in a way , but also I learned how life can be like real and fake people . Some of them started to act differently than they had before , and I saw that people are different around their friends . Also , I saw my cousin Mike Lusk and I met Kelman , Jeremiah , and my cousin Kyle . We all played on the seventh grade basketball team all last year . The only thing we did was go around having fun , messing with people and stuff . The end of the school year came and we went swimming , had water fights , the whole nine . So now we have our 8th grade year . This year has been up and down , from friends to fights . I lost friends from moving away , and also from homicide , but when football and basketball season came it was their lives I dedicated it to . Although I had a great season in both sports I still had school and home to deal with . School was cool in the beginning but just because I did well I started to fall off . The end of the year is near and I messed up twice . I have one more chance to do good , and I have no other choice but to do good so I can finish my athletic career . This has been my life story in middlPosted by by nascar11My four day weekend was really fun . Friday I went to my cousin 's house . We went to the " Louisiana Chicken " on 38th Ave . That 's the best food place in the 30 's , almost . I got something new this time , the shrimp dinner : six pieces of shrimp and fries , with a suicide soda ( mixed flavors ) . I always get that kind of soda though . That day was funny , my friend drank the rest of my soda and just like NuNu on ATL ( the movie ) I said " C you drank all my soda ! " After that we had a water fight . That day my goal was to wet his face with water and ice ! Saturday I went back to my cousin 's house . We didn 't really have anything planned until later that day , when we were going bowling . Earlier we just played outside with each other , ate , and then went to the T - Mobile store . I saw a bunch of phones that I liked . One really " different " one that looked like a digital camera but it was a phone , really cool . Later , like around 8 : 30pm , we went bowling , laugh out loud . How cute , everybody really thought they could beat me . We made bets , so as long as I live I will never be broke because someone always owes me . Sunday I went back over there but only for like two hours . Before 5pm my sister came and got me and we headed to her house , well , my god mom 's house . Before we went home we went to the Concord mall , then to Forever 21 . After that we went to Popeye 's , my first time ever going there . Mmh hmm it was good , I got the kids meal nuggets and my sister got " naked " chicken . We ate on the way to the house . When we got there we left right back out to meet my god mom at Target . We played around in there for a little while , then we went to the second greatest grocery store ever . . . Win . Co ! My sister and I were " Jerkin ' " ( the dance ) , eating candy , having races , and everything . We headed home after about 30 - 45 minutes . Basically the whole night we were running in and out , but having fun . I went to bed at 1 : 05am , exactly . 9 : 20am Monday morning I woke up to a phone call from my cousin saying " Zaayyy . . . what are you doing . " I said in a groPosted by by SparkusMy middle school years have been weird , interesting , and crazy all in one . But one aspect changed the rest of my life . When I first got to middle school I wanted to be on the basketball team like hell ! So I waited and waited for tryouts but they didn 't come . I was hella mad . Finally , one day the basketball coach , Coach D , announced that he was going to hold tryouts . Tryout day came , I went , and I tried my best . ' ' But not hard enough ' ' coach D said . ' ' You didn 't pass the ball enough , ' ' he told me . I didn 't make the team , I was hella mad , and I almost gave up on basketball . The next year I moved from my old house into a new one , so I transferred schools into Claremont ; I was juiced that I was at a new school . I only got in trouble one time , but it was a real big mistake . I was on DHP and couldn 't come back until after a court date . Then , in late November , I was able to come back right in time for basketball season . I went to tryouts where I met Coach Finch , excellent coach ! I gave it my all and passed the ball more , and I made it too ! I was so hella excited , I called my mom at lunch and told her about it . Everything was going great for the season , but at the end of the season we didn 't come home with a championship . I was hella upset ! Then my house caught on fire , less than a week before school got out , so I had relocate again . So over the summer I had to move to a new house in east Oakland , but I still attended Claremont for my last year in middle school . I couldn 't wait to start school over again . The school year came real fast , I was ready for basketball season , but it seemed like it took forever to come . Finally the principal announced one day that tryouts would be held in the gym . I was so juiced ! So I went to the tryouts that day and gave it my all . I felt greater than ever ! The next week coach Finch announced who was on the team , and I made it ! I wasn 't starting because of my grades , but I still made it . My skills this year were better than last year 's . So I was very confident in Posted by by JWWhen I first started playing football I thought it would be about just about winning . I play for the East Bay Warriors . We went undefeated this whole year and for that we got invited to play in a football tournament in Florida . We were going to be out there for about a week and a half . There were two teams that made it that played for East Bay Warriors : my team , the Wolf Pack , and the younger team , the Wolverines . This was a great experience for me because I hadn 't been on a plane ever in my life . ( Well , one time I had , but it was when I was little and I don 't really remember so I don 't count it . ) To get there we had to take a couple of planes . It was very fun because me and other friends were throwing napkins at people . Each plane ride took about 45 minutes , but the longest plane ride was five hours . After the plane ride we had to take a bus to the Disney resort . It took about 45 minutes to get there , by that time it was about 6 : 00 and it was starting to get dark . Out in Florida they are three hours ahead of us out here in California . When I first got to the Disney resort we had to go in this tent and wait for the other buses to get there . I was in the first bus that got there , so my teammates and I were playing ping - pong in the tent . It took the other buses about an hour to get to the rendezvous spot in front of the resort . When the rest of the team got there we had to be put in groups . My group was my cousin Marjani , Six Footer , and Coach Troy . In Florida there are a lot of things to do , like the food court , arcade room , and a lot of pools . For me I couldn 't eat a lot like I wanted to because I 'm an " Older lighter . " An older lighter is when you are over the age limit for a team , but your weight is accepted . I was disappointed because they had a lot of food I wanted to eat . The weight limit was 109 , so I had to lose three pounds to be certified to play in the game . The good thing about it was we only had to weigh in one time , so once we made weight that time we were clear for all the games . I Posted by by sk8rboiFor me , middle school has been the most difficult situation I have had to overcome . During my 6th grade year , I moved to Walnut Creek . The reason my family had to move was because my mom and dad were getting a divorce and my mom couldn 't afford the house we were living in . So we decided to move to Walnut Creek to be closer to family . At my old school , hardly anyone did anything right . Everyone was tardy to class , cutting , smoking all the time . Out of all the people I hung around , hardly anyone had good grades , so I fell into the trend of being tardy to almost every class and even skipping some days . The only thing that kept me on track there was skating . When my mom and brother and I moved to Walnut Creek , we stayed in my auntie 's two - bedroom apartment with her son because our place wasn 't done yet . This was all right because my cousin was my age , and he was the reason I was going to the school . For the first few days at my new school , I was in shock . I had never seen so many white people in one place before . Right at the beginning of the year , I got into a fight in my P . E . class . Some girl tried to hit me with a hockey stick ; I have no idea why . So then , being the smart boy that I am , I pushed her , and she went to the side to cry . I watched her boyfriend walk up to her , and I just knew I was going to get in trouble . Next thing you know , he was in my face , and I didn 't like that too much , so I knocked him out . The same day I came back from suspension , I got into another altercation . I was walking to my first period class when someone bumped into me so hard I almost fell . Guess who it was ? It was the guy 's friend . Now I was thinking to myself , I came to school to stay out of trouble , but it doesn 't seem to be working . When I got in the office , this time they were already talking about kicking me out of school , but they gave me one more chance to get it together . My 7th grade year , I didn 't get into any fights . My only problem was my grades . I was sitting in class almost every day , not knowingPosted by by nonfictionMy first day of middle school in the 6th grade was scary ! As soon as I stepped a foot on the Alvarado Middle school campus I was nervous . My mom and I went to the office of the school and sat there waiting for them to give me my schedule . While we were sitting there waiting , my heart felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest . Once they gave me my schedule it was time for my mom to leave , and after she left I felt alone and lost . It 's funny now , looking back on my sixth grade self . The first class I had to go to was math . When I first walked in the classroom I felt like I didn 't belong . Everybody was staring at me like I was an alien from outer space , which made matters worse . When I sat down in my seat the teacher handed me a paper . I read the paper , and what do you know - it was a POP QUIZ ! ! ! I was a little upset because here I am just coming out of summer vacation and a teacher gives me a pop quiz . I didn 't really remember anything on the paper so I felt I wasn 't going to do very well . Once that class was over I felt relieved and was ready to go to my next class , still feeling a little nervous . The next class I had was pm core , a Language Arts and Social Studies class . Once that class was over I thought to myself that class was probably going to end up being my favorite class , because even though we did work , it was more relaxing . After pm core we had lunch . During lunchtime I felt alone until I met up with my friends from the 4th and 5th grade . I was so happy when I saw them because they were people I knew and I no longer felt alone . After lunchtime , the next class I had was art . When I walked in the art classroom I was excited because I liked to do art and couldn 't wait to start . My first day of art class we didn 't really do much and it was kind of boring . Art was my last class , and once it was over I met up with my friends again and we walked to the apartment complex where they lived and my mom worked , where I later lived . There we sat in the office for a minute and I told my mom abPosted by by KWIn 6th grade I always got suspended , if I did do something and if I didn 't . Since I got suspended so often , when I did come back to school I got suspended again , even though I hadn 't done anything that time . Kind of like the boy who cried wolf . Even if I did get in trouble for something I didn 't do , I wasn 't gonna tell who did it . I knew no one would believe me - they would think I was just making something up so I wouldn 't get in trouble . You might find this amusing , but I spent more of my school year at home than I did at school . The good thing about it was I always got my work when I got suspended . I got suspended for throwing a few milk cartons over the fence , throwing rocks at cars , and getting into many fights . Once with one person , and about twice with another person . The second time I fought him I didn 't get suspended , I just spent about the last 30 minutes of class in the office . When our English and history teacher left ( or thats what he said - we all thought he got fired ) , we got two new teachers , Ms . Summerwill and Mr . Reese . The good part about that was they gave the class one assignment each day and we always got an A just for doing it I passed even after everything I did ; I think I got luckyIn 7th grade I didn 't do the same thing I did in 6th grade - I did way better . My grades improved and I didn 't get suspended . I didn 't always turn in my work or projects , but I did better than before . When I got home every day my mom would tell me I could do better , and I promised her I would and guess what , she thought I was lying . My classes were good , nothing wrong with them , just the work was the problem . The way the teachers taught kinda made the classes not that good . They never really taught you anything but the same thing over and over and over , and that kinda got me confused to the point were I felt like I didn 't need to do the work anymore . Even though I kind of stopped my work , I still made it to the 8th grade . Now , the time we 've all been waiting for . 8th grade , my worst school year yet . All my gradePosted by by JVWhen I was in the 7th grade I broke my leg playing football for the East Bay Warriors , so I missed more than half the year . I was getting home - schooled because I wasn 't able to walk . Teachers would come out to my house just to help me get caught up with my work that I missed at school . When I came back to school I had a 3 . 0 , so I got an award for being on the honor roll . When I was out for those seven months I missed basketball season and I wasn 't a captain any more . When I realized I wasn 't a captain I worked twice as hard as the other people so I could get better and strengthen my leg . After I healed , the doctor said I would not grow much more because growth plate was messed up . The doctor said that they might have to break my other leg so I could grow equally , but there was no need to do that because my leg healed correctly . When I went back to the doctor they said I would be 6 ' 5 ' ' or 6 ' 6 ' ' when I 'm older . When the doctor said I was eligible to play sports again I immediately got involved . But if I break my leg like that again I will not be able to play sports anymore . Hopefully I will go pro , and when I do I will give all my teachers season passes . Ms . Thaler will get a special seat for giving me a good grade on this essay . My backup plan is to be an engineer . You have to be good in math to do that , and math is my strongest subject . This experience changed me because I realized that if I break my leg again I wouldn 't be able to play sports . That 's why you have to go to school just in case you have an injury . That why you can have a backup plan if you have an education . A good education can help you in the job market . Business owners and mangers are not interested in uneducated drop outs , the truth hurts but this is reality . Athletic abilities can get you to some great places in life but you should always have a backup plan . by STIt was my first year at Claremont Middle School . I was going to 6th grade - in fact everyone was new . I was really scared and excited . My mom said that it was time for me to be confident , that I could make it , and for me to become a little bit more mature . Of course I listened to my mom , and she gave me the confidence to step into my first class . It was an English and history class . The teacher 's name was Mr . Traylor . He was a cool guy and a nice man , too ! We all introduced ourselves and everything went pretty smoothly and I liked my classes a lot , especially Mrs . Baxter 's math and science class ! Soon I met some really nice people . Their names were Ada , Angelic and Nichelle . They were really nice and they actually helped me through my problems . Sometimes ( only four times ) we skipped class . It was really fun . We had this really irritating teacher , She was sort of ratty looking and she just yelled at everybody even though our work was always done and we were all passing . Back then we never got an F we always got a B in all our classes and we only had 5 classes , so it was easy . When we used to skip we would eat hot fries and drink juices and listen to music . Unfortunately , we eventually got in trouble . After that we didn 't skip any more ! Things were going well for all of us until one day Angelic was crying in front of me ! She me told somebody was messing with her ! No one would take it seriously even though she kept telling everybody . I was the only one who took it seriously . One day , in P . E . , we were changing in the bathroom . When I left , Nichelle and Angelic were still inside , and some sixth grade girls locked them in the bathroom . They just wanted to lock in Angelic , but Nichelle was in there also . I tried to ask them to stop , but they wouldn 't let the door go . I was so angry . While Angelic was crying in the bathroom I tried to console her but she was too upset . I got out of class when the period ended and I took Angelic to the main office . We told them what happened , but no one did anything about it . ThPosted by by PrincessReemaIn 6th grade , this boy whose name was Josh wanted to go out with me . I told him I needed to get to know him better before I started a relationship with someone I don 't know well . So I got to know him better and started liking him , so of course I started going out with him . When we first started going out our relationship was pretty good , but then he started getting very annoying , being very immature and childish . So I talked to him about it and told him I didn 't like the way he was acting . I said , " Could you please stop acting like that , or I 'm going to break up with you . " He said , " Yeah I can do that , " and I was like , " Thanks . " The next week he started changing back to his old ways , so I broke up with him . Two weeks later we started going back out because I still liked him . First it was cool , but then he started doing too much and getting on my nerves . So of course he had to go , because it wasn 't working . Through the whole school year Josh and I were on and off , until finally I got tired of him after six or seven times and broke up with him forever . That relationship taught me that when someone says they 're going to change they don 't always mean it . In the 7th grade there was this new boy at the school and his name was Kevari . He was very cute and he was light skinned , just how I like them . So Kevari and I started talking more and more each day and we finally exchanged numbers . Soon as the school day was over I texted him , and we were texting for like the whole day . I told him I liked him a lot and he said he liked me too . I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no . I was like , " Good , that 's cool . " He asked me the same and I was like , " Nope . " He asked me out that same night and of course I said yes , because I really liked him . The next weekend we went to the movies and he got mad at me because when he walked away some boys tried to get my number but I told them no . So Kevari came back and said , " I know you just gave those boys your number . " And I 'm likPosted by by MSMy first time taking a stand towards a teacher was when I was in the seventh grade . I was taking a multimedia class at Glick Middle School and my teacher was out for the day . So the assistant , Matt , was in charge of all the news broadcasting that we did . I was done with my news broadcast so I started a new project and the sub got mad . I was trying to explain to her that I was finished with my work , but she kept talking over me . I needed to explain to her what was going on , but she kept talking on and running her mouth like she knew what I was about to say . She kept talking about things that didn 't even have to do with me , like , " Why don 't you do what Matt 's doing instead of being obnoxious ? " So I told her , " You need to stop running your mouth at me like I am your child . Just because you 're a so - called teacher doesn 't mean that you have to disrespect me and yell at me me over nothing . That wasn 't even necessary ! " She got all quiet and wrote me a referral to the office , so I went with out with no problems . And the principal had to suspend me just because if you get into a conflict with a sub at school it 's an automatic suspension . But I took it without a problem . When I got home , my grandmother was questioning me about what had happened . I was kind of scared at first cause I have never been suspended before , but I just sucked it up and told her everything that happened . My grandmother said , " As long as you did what you did because you thought it was right its okay . But if you know what you did was wrong , it 's not okay . " I took that into consideration and thought about it all day . I wondered what would have happened if I didn 't do what I did . Ultimately , this incident taught me that some bad consequences are worth it if you really think what you were doing was right . by KS8th grade was a good year . I met a lot of new friends like Julian , Manuel and a couple others . My favorite part was the end because I 'm leaving to go to high school . Also , I was on the honor roll the whole year . I found out I 'm getting an iTouch for my graduation , hopefully . This year has been awesome . In the first week of 8th grade I was a little scared - I don 't know why , it just felt weird . After about a month or so I got used to it . My very favorite part was around January , because that 's when I got my first phone . I had a lot of fun with it . I gave my number to all my friends . Sadly , after three weeks I lost it . I had taken it out of my jacket to put it in my pants but it had fallen out of my jacket . I would have heard it , but we were moving our desks in class , so I couldn 't . I was so mad at myself , I didn 't do any more work that day . I walked out of the school crying . I went to my nana and told her what happened and she helped me go look for it , but we couldn 't find it . After I stopped crying I thought , oh geez , I 'm going to have to tell my mom , she 's going to be so angry at me . Then when I got home I told her and she just said , " Okay , that 's your fault . " I was so relieved . Then about two months later she got me a new one . After all the phone drama was over school , went normally . One amazing thing that happened was that the band , yes I 'm in it , won first place in the band competition at Great America . We also won a trophy for being the best band out of all the ones that played . Otherwise , I 'm happy to be leaving because this school is kind of bad . It 's disorganized , and half the people here get suspended so much they should just stay home . I just want to get out . Another reason I 'm glad to be leaving is because of some of the teachers . They can teach , it 's just some of them are disorganized . I 've always wondered , is freshmen Friday real or not ? If it is I 'm just not going to school that day . One thing I 'm looking forward to is biology . It sounds interesting and fun andPosted by by involuntary branslaughterIt was lunchtime and I went to get lunch . After I was done eating I went to the back of the school to play basketball with my friends . We were going to get a game to 32 points . We had teams of three . It was Josh , Jeremiah , and me vs . Cash , Lil Ron , and Kelman . We started playing and my team was winning . I was giving them very good passes and they were making the basket . I was happy because usually when I give my teammates good passes they always mess the passes up by not making the basket . Back to what I was saying . So when we started winning , Cash got mad and threw the ball all the way to the portables . I ran to go get it . Then I threw it back and ran full speed back to the courts . As I was running , I looked up and thought to myself , is this seagull going to booboo on me , or is it just flying ? Next thing I knew , I was lying on the blacktop . I don 't really remember the details of who was there or what happened next . I guess my friends Josh and Kelman helped me up , and I could barely walk . Some people said I went head up with Cash and some people said I ran into a pole . I went to get my jacket so I could go to the office and call my dad . When I called my dad he answered and said , ' ' Hello , " of course , and then I said ' ' Dad , can you come pick me up ? Because I knocked myself unconscious . " He said , ' ' What do you mean ? ' ' I said , ' ' I can 't remember anything . ' ' Then he said , ' ' I 'm on my way . ' ' I sat and waited for him in the office . It took him about 15 minutes to get there . When I got in the car with him he asked me what had happened . I told him everything that happened as we went home . This incident taught me a lot of things . It taught me stuff like not to run and look up at the same time because you can 't see where you are going . It taught me to always pay attention while you 're running because you never know what might happen next . This was the first time this had happened . I was really scared when I first woke up because I didn 't know what was going to happen . What I thought was going Posted by by long legsOver my middle school years my cousin taught me how to do hair , because I told her I wanted to do hair when I grew up . She said , " Oh , that 's cool , do you want me to show you the steps of doing hair ? Because I do hair and I taught myself , with help from my sister . " Then she showed me on my baby doll hair . I was like , " That 's tight ! How you do that ? " Then she showed me , and I tried and I didn 't get it so I was mad . But I kept trying until I got it . Days later . . . I did it and I was too happy because first I tried and gave up . But then I thought about it , kept trying , and didn 't give up . On February 23 , 2009 , I got my first fake nails from the nail shop for my birthday . I had really been wanting them because they are cute and every time I see somebody with them , like my sister , I be like " Them too cute ! I can 't wait until I get mine . " So I asked my mama . First she said no , but then she was like , " You 're growing up , so yeah , I guess . " And I was too happy . I was like , " Hey , go me ! " So then I went to the nail shop and got them , I got blue and white tiger stripes . Too cute ! So now I 'm still getting my nails and feet done and it 's fun , and girly , which I am . Being in middle school has changed me because when I first started I was nervous , because this was my first time going to middle school . And then I meet new people and teachers , so a few days later I wasn 't so nervous . I was happy I was in the 6th grade even though I was nervous at first but then got over it . In 7th grade I was happy I was in the grade because I want to see how the 7th grade was and it was cool ! Now , in the 8th grade I sometimes wish I were back in the 6th or 7th . But yeah , the 8th is fun and a good experience because in the 8th grade you do a lot of things also . These experiences taught me that to get what you want you have to keep trying . You can 't give up the first time something is hard or doesn 't work out . by ERThe most memorable moment that changed my life was in the sixth grade at Westlake Middle School . I was just getting out of my math class and started looking for my sister in the crowded halls of W . M . S . I was thinking of all the places that she could be and asking everyone that she knew . Finally ! ! I ran across somebody who had spotted my sister . She was in the exact spot that I had looked before . I was very angry . I started yelling as if I was her mother . I said , " Where were you , little girl ? " ( Knowing that she is older than me ) . She started shushing me as a warning that I had to be quiet because there was a dance class going on , and knowing my bad attitude I refused to quiet down and there were consequences . The dance instructor and I got into an argument . They say that bad things happen for good reasons . As the day went by , we had to attend an assembly to see what the after school programs had come up with midyear . Me , trying to be the bad girl , I sat there and talked amongst my friends about how bad this assembly would be , and it was - until it got to the action part of the program . There was Capoeira , African dance , Modern , and Hip - hop . All of a sudden the talking amongst my friend stopped and I got interested in Modern and Hip - hop dance ( not African dance because I 've already tried that ) . After the assembly they gave the students the chance to sign up for the after school program . So I did ! A week after I got my paper signed I was able to join the dance class . I knew that this was my time to change . Whooo ! My first day of change . As I walked into class the dance teacher immediately noticed me , " the problem child . " She said , " Didn 't I have to put you of my class ? " I slowly responded , “… Yeah . " Then she gave me a long lecture about her dance group and how they respect her and she 's never had a problem with them . It seemed like all that talking went in one ear and out the other . As time want by I got a chance to change and a chance to do a lot , until I met this girl and my old ways startePosted by by ~ Dr3 @ m $ ~ In my past three years , my middle school years ( 6th - 8th grades ) , I 've gone on multiple trips ( with classes from school ) , but I 'm going to talk about two , plus trips that have happened with band . The trips have showed me … how fun , educating , and interesting it can be to go on trips with classes and friends . Point Bonita was very pretty indeed . We were there for three days , a Monday , Tuesday , and Wednesday . We went when I was in 6th grade . Once you 're there it seems like you 're so far away from the city , but really you 're not too far away at all . We stayed in these two buildings , the boys in one , the girls in the other . There were multiple schools there . The buildings had separate rooms ; some rooms had about four beds , bunks . I 'm pretty sure there was a building to eat in , and when we were done eating , if there were leftovers , then we had to put the food into like buckets I think , to compost it . We had to wake up fairly early and go to bed at a reasonable time . To get there we rode in people 's cars , we had to get to school early , I think before 7 : 45am but that 's just a guess . Don 't expect me to remember everything , it was two years ago . I remember that we hiked / walked to a part that had a pretty high cliff / drop off , the person my group had had us link arms and walk slowly , not go too close , but to look over the edge of the cliff . It was kind of scary , but fun . We , well I , saw a few deer one day pretty close by . I like deer , they 're cute / pretty . I also slightly remember a small part of a day , we had went to a spot to sit in a circle , then we got read a story by Dr . Seuss . After the story was finished we all wrote on the back of a pretty postcard like a vow or promise of something we would do differently to help the environment . I think I wrote that I would turn off the lights when I leave the room . I also remember one thing that I 'm sorry I did when we were on our free time , I accidentally poked my good friend in the eye and a blood vessel had popped . Then one night some of the girls Posted by by : DRUnlike most kids ' , my middle school years were easy . I think they were easy because I had a lot of experience with kids that age , so I guess I was used to the kind of behavior of these kind of students . I think it was also easy because the year before I had just attended my first few months of choir ( Cantare Con Vivo ) with teens that were at least two to three years older than me . I guess my experiences with choir have prepared me for my years of middle school . When I first started choir I thought that the kids were going to be mean . Instead of trying to get to know them , I made a fool of myself acting out . This made it hard to get along with some of the kids in my choir . It took me three and a half months just to get along with them because of the way I acted in my first week . I realized that the people in my choir were not as mean as I thought they would be , so I guess I was judging a book by its cover . When I started going to Claremont I acted the same so I guess I had not yet learned from my mistakes . I was acting as if I was better than everyone so I had problems with my first days of school . I had to ask my choir director for advice about fitting in , and she told me , " Don 't act out . Just be yourself . " These experiences with choir have helped me improve in 6th and 7th grade . Everything changed that summer , because I was being careless and irresponsible and got myself hit by a car . I had very few physical injuries , but I was diagnosed with amnesia . My mom took me home and I didn 't remember anything , so I was afraid of everything around me . This all went away after a week because I started to remember my siblings that came to visit to help jog my memories . After that summer my life meant nothing to me because I felt like everything was going to fast so I just stopped trying . My life felt like it was going too fast so I stopped working in school . Then I started choir again and it got easier . They helped me understand that life is going fast but that does not mean that I have to stop working hard just Posted by by GQThe years in middle school have changed my life . I 've learned all kinds of different things about different subjects in school , boring as it was . I 've met many friends in middle school . There 's the trip to Point Bonita in the 6th grade , the week in Yosemite in 7th grade , and getting to go to Cazadero Music Camp for two weeks in the summer before the 8th grade , just to name a few . The trip to Point Bonita was somewhat fun , but also a little disappointing . The reason it was disappointing was that I had been there in the 5th grade , and we stayed at a hostel , which had really good service . The food was delicious , the activities were very enjoyable , and the cabins were comfortable . The trip in the 6th grade , however , was not as enjoyable . We stayed in a YMCA - owned building that was crowded and noisy . The food was mediocre , the activities weren 't as fun to do , but the cabins were still pretty comfortable . I actually had mixed feelings when I left it , as opposed to the 5th grade , when I despised leaving the hostel . The five - day trip to Yosemite was really enjoyable . It was probably the most fun I had in all of middle school . We hiked a lot , and I started to develop a faster walking pace as a result . One place I remember hiking through was Yosemite falls . It was a very steep hill , and we had trouble going up without resting every 50 yards or so . Another experience I remember well was going through Spider Cave ( or was it Tunnel ? ) . It was formed when huge boulders fell off the mountains above , and coincidentally forming a natural tunnel underneath . It was cold and dark , and we weren 't allowed to use flashlights . I remember squeezing through this small hole in the beginning , and I wondered how the bigger people were able to do the same thing . I remember participating in a snowball fight for the first time in my life , even though there wasn 't much snow there . Even the ride back to Oakland was fun . I found myself resenting the moment we arrived back to Oakland greatly . When I arrived at Cazadero Music Camp for tPosted by by ArracutieI saw the packed suitcases on her bedroom floor . I saw the empty bureau , the blue drawers no longer containing the knickknacks I had come to expect there . I saw these , but I didn 't accept them , didn 't understand . I scanned the room for an explanation , but there was no note . Then I felt a gentle pat on my back , and turned around to find Ana standing next to me , smiling a sad smile . She must have noticed the tears forming in my eyes , for she immediately began to comfort me . " I 'll never abandon you , " she said . And because she had been my stepmom for as long as I could remember , I believed her . I had only been stopping by the house for clothes for my visit with my biological mother , so I wiped my eyes and shut the door behind me . When my mom and I arrived at our apartment , I called my dad , who was on a business trip at the time , and told him what I had seen at the house . He told me not to worry , and that Ana was probably just cleaning out her room . The confidence in my dad 's voice calmed me . How could I have been so stupid ? I thought . Ana would never leave us . My dad was right . I reprimanded myself for thinking such things about her . All the times she had been there to comfort me , to console me ; I couldn 't forget that . She was the one who hugged me after a bad visit with my mom , the one who drove me to school each morning and picked me up afterwards asking , " How was school today , honey ? " She wove French braids into my long hair before concerts , making sure to brush away any knots or tangles from my hair beforehand . We would stay up late laughing in bed with popcorn kernels lost in our sheets and candy wrappers surrounding us . She was my role model , but most importantly , she was my mom . That night I slept peacefully . In the morning I was awakened by the sound of my cell phone announcing a missed voicemail . I flipped the pink cover open and pressed the speaker to my ear . " One missed call from Dad , received at 9 : 45 am , " the robotic voice informed me . Then my dad 's voice began . " Hey HunPosted by by KPLast year my family threw a picnic party in the hills . Everybody was listening to R & B music , eating BBQ , and having a good time . My uncle Damon was asking all the teenagers if they wanted to walk through the hills . He finally got all of us to go and we all walked far away from the family picnic . We didn 't tell our mommas that we were leaving so they didn 't know where we had gone . It was so hot and I couldn 't really breathe . We didn 't bring any water or any food . We were walking on rocks and some people fell and if you would fall everybody would laugh at you . We started walking through these trees and it looked like something knocked the trees over because they were just lying on the ground . There were sticks and dirt everywhere , so you had to watch your step . We all kept walking to this desert part of the hills and we had to walk down a steep rock and my cousin fell down the rock but she caught herself . Everybody was laughing but she was okay . I told my uncle it was getting dark and we needed to head back to the picnic . Everyone started walking back but we couldn 't find the picnic so we all were lost . I was so scared because it started to get pitch black and I couldn 't really see that well . I heard there were mountain lions in the hills . We heard a helicopter above our heads but they couldn 't see us . After about an hour and a half we finally made it back to the picnic , only to find the police waiting for us . My auntie cussed all of us out , saying something could have happened to us because there are mountain lions and all types of animals out there . My momma said a helicopter was looking for us and I told her we saw it but it didn 't see us . I learned never to walk through the hills without water or food . by LuckyIt was 6 : 00am on a Sunday morning when I had to get out of my nice warm bed and get dressed and head off to the train station to leave for Yosemite . The train ride was long and some of us fell asleep . Little did I know the worst part was yet to come . After the train ride , we were on a bus for three more hours riding to Curry Village on a windy road . On the bus ride I talked to people I normally would not talk to . However , it was all worth it because when we got to Curry Village the fun began . The first thing we did was take a walk around to better understand our new environment . This ended with a big snowball fight ( FUN ! ) , which we had to cooperate to win . Later we were told the rules of camp and the first one was no snowball fights ( not fun ) . We were then split into three groups and met our group leaders . Mine was really boring and no fun . The next day we were told the hiking schedule . Every day we hiked for four hours and got three hours of free time . We had a 10 : 00pm curfew . Each morning we had to wake up at 7 : 00am and eat breakfast , but the food there was not that good . I also woke up the other people of my group so we could get to breakfast in time . The hikes , however , were a pretty good workout . The best part of the trip for me was when we got to look at the views from the top of the hills we were on . I also liked that we learned many games that tested our trust in one another and helped us cooperate as a team . We also learned games that were just plain fun . That one week in Yosemite taught me about my friends and how important it is to cooperate in order to complete a task . Going to Yosemite with my classmates will be something I 'll always remember . by KOWhen I came to Arizona it was kind of hard for me to make new friends because I had already made friends in California . Right before I was leaving from Cali we were going to go to Great America , and I was going to take this girl who I called my best friend Jasmine , but my mom said we couldn 't go anymore because we had to get on a Greyhound . I was like , Greyhound ? Isn 't a hound a dog ? , and I didn 't understand . I was really sad packing my suitcase . I made believe I folded my clothes and just threw them in the suitcase . When my mom came into the room she didn 't say anything , she just looked around and noticed I hadn 't really done anything . I just said , " Okay . " And started to really pack my clothes like she wanted me to do , because I already knew she was going to try and give me a lecture on why I should just listen and finish so we wouldn 't miss our greyhound , which she still didn 't tell me what a greyhound was . When I finished bunching all my clothes into my suitcase I went down stairs and I was looking at most of my things that entertain me , like my scooter , my bike , my magic eight ball , and some other things , and people were coming over and they were picking up things and looking . Then my mom came around the corner with another box and I said , " Mom , what are all these people doing here and why are my things outside ? " Then she said , " Baby , it 's called a garage sale . " I said , " Well , you don 't have to sell any of my things . " And then she went on and on and on and on , you have too many toys , why can 't you share , stop being so selfish . I said , " They 're not toys ! " And then she said , " So what are they ? " And my response was , " They 're my personal things to keep me busy . " I took a couple of my things and stuffed them in my suitcase , and finally I got them inside the suitcase . The next thing you know , my mom closed the garage door and my suitcase shot open right when she got in the room , and in my mind I 'm thinking , oh no what 's about to happen now ? And she said " WPosted by by Red VioletThere are many people in your middle school experience . You 've got your teachers , your friends , and then there 's your parents . Your parents are supposed to be there for you when your world is falling apart all around you , but what if they 're the reason your world is falling apart ? Before I start off you should know that my parents are divorced , and my mom is remarried to a man named George , and they live in Walnut Creek together . It all started in the 6th grade , but to me this story really began last summer . The custody case was in the middle of August . I would either go to a Walnut Creek school and alternate weeks between my dad and mom , or I would go to Claremont and live with my dad and go to my mom 's every other weekend . I had been talking to my dad a lot about the whole thing , but with my mom . . . not so much . It 's not like I couldn 't talk to my mom or something , it 's just that it 's easier to talk to the parent who you want to live with more . The only problem about this was that I had a two week vacation in Greece with my mom and George . When we first started the trip things were fine , but about a week in they started getting a little irritating . We all got frustrated with each other more and we got in more arguments . Then one day while George was swimming with my mom 's best friend and her boyfriend Dick my mom asked me about it . I was so scared that I would hurt her feelings , I just did not want to talk about it . I basically refused , but then after a huge fight I did . And as I had feared my mom started crying , then of course since she was crying , I started crying . I remember she looked at me with eyes full of tears and said , " Why didn 't you tell me about this until two weeks before the court date ? " I answered simply , " Because you never asked . " Then she started getting really angry . I could see the anger as she yelled at me , " DO I HAVE TO ASK ? I am your mother and I deserve to see you at least half the time and I will take you and your father to court until I can . I will fPosted by by aznWhen I first met my love my life was simple and easy , but little did I know that that was all about to change . Fate was about to make a drastic change in my life . Love was about to enter my world and change me forever . On about the third day of the seventh grade , at my new school , I met the most beautiful person in the world . The first days of school I did not even notice them , which is weird , because they were so cute . But when I did notice them it was like seeing an angel . The sun was beaming down on them and the birds were singing and their wings sent a worldly stillness that came over the earth and brought peace to all living things . But then that 's where it all went wrong ; I told my friend that I liked this person and my friend told them , but I denied it of course , because I didn 't want anyone to know that I liked them . But as time went on I wasn 't able to hide the truth anymore . My secret was out and there was no way for me to stop it from spreading . Thus my second chance at middle school was ruined already . For some strange reason I felt the urge to stare at them in class , but that was a bad idea . Staring at them was nice at first , until they started to look back at me . Then I just put my head down , but that gave me awful whiplash . If I couldn 't look at them during the only class that I had with them then I would have to follow them to their other classes and their home if I wanted to see them , so I did . Well , one day I was following them home , just like every other day , but this day was about to be different . I thought that I was going to be unseen or ignored , but they turned around facing me while I stood in the middle of the street . They reached into their backpack , pulled out a gun , and shot me in the chest . After that happened I loved them more than ever , but ever since that day I never thought of relationships , love , or sex the same way . I started to think of love as seriously as anyone could think about anything . by RNOver my middle school years I have experienced same fake people . However , I have experienced good things too . Like when I first started the sixth grade , it wasn 't as bad as I thought it would be . I made friends on the first day , but most the excitement was in music class . Seventh grade was an okay year , continuing at the same school was helpful , but it has some bad moments . In the beginning of the year everyone started off being cool and friends and stuff , but in the middle and towards the end of the year people started to change . That 's when I started to realize that a lot of people were fake and everyone is not your friend . Eighth grade year was one of the most funniest , craziest , best years ever . The beginning of the year started off cool like any other beginning of the year . Everyone started off friends as usual . Towards the middle and the end of the year people started to fight , even friends fought each other . Then I heard around the school that my own friends where talking about me . That 's how I realized that people are duplicitous ( two - faced ) and messy . I can take this advice to high school because it teaches me that you can 't treat everyone like a friend because they can turn around and stab you in the back . by blue starIt was the middle of my 8th grade school year . Report cards were coming out and I already knew I would get good grades just like always . Somehow my prediction turned out wrong and I got an A , B , C , and two D 's . I didn 't it was that bad ; actually , I thought I did pretty great ! My mom didn 't think so ; she was so upset she made me wear a skirt to school . I think she did it because she knew I hated skirts , especially this one . It was army print and it had big ugly rhinestones on it . I thought I could be sneaky and not wear it , so early the next morning I decided to sneak a pair of pants in my backpack . After I accomplished that , I quickly ran out and changed by my house . Then all of a sudden my annoying neighbor Roderick who always has something to say , he wanted to talk to me . Out of all people , why him ? ! While talking to him I didn 't realize my grandmother was looking at me out of the window like a stalker . She could 've called me back in the house to keep me from getting in more trouble when I got home . When I spotted her I acted like I didn 't see her and ran toward the bus stop . When I got to school I was so nervous that by the end of the day I had no finger nails . All I could think about was school being over so I could put the hideous skirt back on . When school was over I quickly gathered my stuff and got on the bus , I was so relieved to get through the day without my mom coming by . When I got home I thought I was safe , by the side of my house I slipped the skirt on . I walked in the house like nothing was wrong . My mom took one looked at me and said , " You didn 't wear that skirt . " I said " How do you know ? Yes I did . " I knew my grandma had already ratted me out to my mom . The next day I was in a skirt at school . Nobody really laughed at me because most of the girls were wearing skirts anyway because it was hot outside . However it taught me a very good lesson : to not let your grades get low . Also , to not be sneaky and a liar , because you won 't get far ! by yungzero27When I first arrived at Claremont in the 8th grade I had no idea what I wanted to do for the future . I hated science and never thought I would want to be taking physics , but someone changed that . Ms . Cristancho changed all those thoughts . She made me love science ; she made it something I wanted to look forward to everyday . She made the lessons fun and kept the warm - ups fresh out of her head . That 's what a good teacher does : makes the lesson fun and most of all , makes sure you learn . She changed my whole perspective on science . I never would have dreamed of liking science . Science is now my favorite subject and something that I not only do at school , but at home . Everything , from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep , is science ! ! Now , for my future , I want to work in some field of science . Maybe I 'll become a doctor or a biologist . I love science more than I love any other subject in the world . I don 't know what I would do if science didn 't exist . I think Ms . Cristancho positively influenced me in the right direction . I never got anything lower than an A in science and I hope my high school teachers will look at that and place me in an advanced science class . I think everything from cells to atoms is cool , and I want to study more about it . Science is what keeps me living ( literally ) . I think if I had gone to another middle school I would not have had the same experienced with science as I did at Claremont with ms . Cristancho . I think science is amazing , and if you are willing to let it , it can change you . Who doesn 't want to learn about sound , molecules , light , and fire ? I think one of the reasons I like science is because it helps you figure out how stuff works . It makes your imagination expand . Science has really changed me because now when I look at something or explain something there is always a scientific reason behind it . Ms . Cristancho has really changed my life with her stories and because of her , I 'm happy that I came to this school . by exb11There are many things that I have experienced that I could write in this essay . I am choosing to tell you about two things that are most important in my life . First I am going to talk about sixth grade . In sixth grade I was introduced to Claremont Middle School . At first the school was hard to get used too , but because I had so many friends from my previous school I was okay . In sixth grade I started to play basketball . I always knew about basketball , but since my mom played in college ( way back when ) she wanted me to follow in her footsteps . I tried out for my first AAU team when I was about 11 . Luckily I made it , and my mom was really proud of me , as was I . Once I started going to practices and getting to know the coaches I started to get more comfortable with the team and the overall EBX organization . I wasn 't the best player but I soon began playing in camps and working on my game . Then , in the seventh grade I was one of the starters and I got really good . Almost every weekend I would go to a two - hour clinic that was called Triple Threat Academy . The coaches were Tony and Lou . They were probably the two best players I have ever seen play in person . They really inspired to me to get better . I remember the first time I ever went to the clinic I thought to myself " I wish I was as good as them . " Soon enough my coach picked up on my improvement in basketball and called my mom . He told her about my good effort and hard work in practice . I was really happy because in the seventh grade my team started traveling to Reno , L . A , and Oregon . I earned my starting position and became great friends with one of my teammates , Taylor Norman . During the eighth grade is when everything happened . I applied for two high schools and the process was really expensive and long but it all came out great in the end . I got into both of the high schools , and I was really proud of myself because I knew a lot of kids applied . The schools I applied to were Bishop O ' Dowd and Saint Mary 's College High school . Because I got into Posted by by KMI was 12 when I was robbed . I was home alone with my little brother . In movies , they usually say it was a dark and rainy night . It wasn 't . It was 11 o ' clock on a sunny Sunday morning . My mom was at the gym and my dad was on a bike ride . I was up in my room when the doorbell rang . Our doorbell trills , it 's loud . There was no way to just ignore it . I went downstairs to check the window , to see if I knew the person at the door . I checked , but I didn 't . I went back into the living room , about to go upstairs when I heard a tinkling of glass . My brother had come downstairs so I whispered to him , " He 's breaking in , " It wasn 't that I had to whisper , it was more like I had lost the ability to speak louder . We ran upstairs to the first room on the landing , my own . I had a phone , and I was using it to frantically dial numbers . My mom 's cell , I got voicemail . My dad 's cell , voicemail . And at last , 911 , but by that time I heard heavy footsteps coming from downstairs . I hung up the phone . I was in denial , I thought that maybe my dad had sent someone to check on us . It was naïve , but I was desperate . I didn 't want this to be happening . My brother had stolen the only hiding spot that was protected by the door . My breathing became faster and faster . Finding no better hiding spot , I just stood behind the door waiting for him to come in . Once he was on the landing he choose a different tactic than my brother and I , starting with my younger brother 's room first . When he moved on to my room , reality crashed on me . The denial ended . This was really happening and I needed to deal with it . I opened the door and started screaming words I can 't remember . He rushed to get out of the house ( he didn 't know that anyone was in there ) and I chased after him to make sure he actually left . I remember leaping over shattered glass , then running down the stairs two steps at a time . After that he leaped on a bike and I suddenly became aware of what I was saying . I was calling for help . The neighbors called the police andPosted by by Artsy BarbieYou begin . You 're not quite as bright - eyed and bushy - tailed as you were before this summer . In fact , you 're a bit scared and nervous . But you 're meeting new people - nice new people , fun new people - and you 're surviving your schooling , so there 's soft , warm contentment in you , like a soothing cup of tea and a gentle nap . Then you start missing school . You move up in the world - as big a world as school can be - and the shine in your eyes dulls all the more , leaving you even less optimistic than you were before you started this period of your life . As the months dredge by slowly and painfully , your world grows darker and darker . Getting out of bed is like climbing a mountain . Interacting with friends , family and classmates might as well be punishment . You miss more school . But you get better . You 're able to smile again , and perhaps because of this you throw yourself into evolving your personal style . It becomes your mantra and philosophy to look good and feel good . You pierce your ears multiple times and dye your hair - skirts get shorter and boots get taller . As you laugh and enjoy life again , you remember how much you like to pretend . So you act . And you laugh , and you love it , but just as quickly you cry . One of the people you love the most has cancer , and as cavalier as she is about it - it isn 't that serious , after all , something that can be removed - you die a little inside when you hear . After it 's all over and she 's all right , you realize how immensely lucky you are to not have to suffer that same extreme pain as so many others your age who have lost a parent . You cry some more . But you continue your pretending and do a damn good job at it , which takes up most of your summer . You meet more fantastic , like - minded people and are absolutely sure that this is one of those great turning points in life that you 've heard about . You decide you like it . Unfortunately , it 's over just as soon . School is in session again and for a few moments you feel yourself falling back into darkness . It scarPosted by by BMI 've changed numerous ways since the beginning of 6th grade . I remember when I first came to Claremont , I didn 't know what to expect of middle school . I was small and naive . I came from an elementary school that was all perfect into a middle school that was much different . When I got here in 6th grade I remember how kids would pick on me and my friends , the " little white kids , " and try to mess with us . Once they saw that it didn 't really bother us , they didn 't really do it anymore . Because I didn 't get scared when they tried to mess with me , they treated me differently and just left me alone ever since . Once I got into the 7th grade , I was pretty much comfortable with middle school and was used to it . I got to know most of the people and got familiar with the routine . Unlike the 6th grade , I was no longer a " New Kid " . 8th grade has been the most difficult because I didn 't focus on schoolwork the way I should have , like I did in 6th and 7th grade . I kind of got distracted a lot in my classes . I did all right on my report cards this year but could have done a lot better . I plan to do much better all through high school and college . Unfortunately , middle school went by very slowly . I have been waiting to get out of here and finally go to high school since the beginning of the year . The one area that I have improved dramatically in is baseball . I have been playing since I can remember and have become more serious and skilled each year I played . I would start out just playing during spring , then spring and fall , and eventually I started playing baseball all year round . It has become my favorite thing to do , and I play whenever I get the chance . In 6th and 7th grade , I played just regular little league baseball and played on teams that weren 't really advanced . Once I got into 8th grade I wanted to play at a higher level so I tried out for a traveling team . A traveling team is a highly skilled team with players that the coaches pick out from all over , not just Oakland . There was one spot left on tPosted by by Asia - Amani101Boys , boys , boys ! ! ! Being in a 6 month relationship has taught me so much this year . During my relationship I learned that in order to really have a relationship you have to be able to trust the person you 're with and be able to forgive them . As easy as it sounds it 's really hard . Relationships are like roller - coasters and after being on it with all the ups and downs , and loop 'd ' loops you have no choice but to get off . I was on a big Relationship Roller - Coaster with lots of ups and downs , and most of the time I just got off . It all started one October night . We were talking on the phone , and since we were already friends it wasn 't hard to start a conversation and get straight to the point . He liked me , and I liked him - why not get together ? The beginning of everything is always fun and cute , but then as time goes by you have disagreements and that 's how it all falls apart . Take it from someone who knows , I have been there done that . Here 's my story . Trust : I never had a problem with trusting him before . I was able to tell him everything and he could do the same , but after our first breakup that changed . I could still trust him , but not as much as before . After we broke up there were all these rumors about how he was going with another girl while with me . I didn 't know who to believe . Him because he 's my boyfriend , my sister because she 's been through the same thing , my friends because they know and they might be right , or myself because at the end of the day it 's me who decides what I 'm going to do . Well , unfortunately I believed everyone but him , and we ended up breaking up . At the beginning I didn 't feel so bad , I found someone else , and wished him the best of luck with the " new " girl . As time went on I felt that I was missing something that I really cared about . Did I make the wrong decision and move on too quick , or was I just sprung ? Sprung , never will that happen , but missing someone , yes , that 's what it was . We went to mediation , and talked about what happened , and how we really felt about eacPosted by |
by Ms . ThalerAs one of my students writes , middle school is a lot like a roller coaster . While he was referring to the student experience , I can vouch for the fact that teaching in middle school has its ups , downs , and loop - de - loops as well . For me , this year has included many joys . I 've seen students ' faces light up as they mastered a new vocabulary word or saw their own improvement as readers and writers . I 've guided students who previously hadn 't had any classes together in collaborating successfully on projects . Meanwhile , I 've gotten to know my bright and talented students during spirited class discussions , after - school conversations , and even a small group foray to see the premiere of Twilight . I celebrated my birthday at school , and was completely amazed by the outpouring of birthday wishes , cards , and even treats I received from my students . My year has also included its share of sorrows . I 've had to bid farewell to students I cared deeply about , who were leaving to attend other schools . I 've seen my students endure many hardships , both in and out of school . And along with parents , other teachers , and community members , I 've struggled to understand and cope with the upcoming budget cuts that will deeply affect the Claremont community . Those are just some of my memories of this , my first year teaching at Claremont . The essays that follow describe , in their own words , experiences that my students have had over their middle school years that have taught them something , changed them in some fundamental way , or made them who they are today . Their experiences and voices are as diverse and unique as they are , and I feel honored to have been able to glimpse these snapshots of each of their roller coaster rides . I hope you enjoy them as much as I have . by DWAugust 28th , the first day of my first day of 6th grade at Claremont MiddleSchool , and I was kinda shy when I steped on campus . It was kinda different fromelementary , and when I got to my first class I was happy because I made a lot ofpatnas and we had some good times that fist day at school . I wanted to go back toschool really bad because it was so fun . The next day I had gotten more confident totalk to other people to make friends and luckily I had a lot of cousins that wenthere in my first year at Claremont , so I had nothing to worry about , because theyhad my back and I had theirs , because we were close like that . When I used to getinto fights they made sure I didn 't get jumped . That 's why I liked my first year inmiddle school and I never wanted to leave Claremont . The summer of ' 06 , before 7th grade , was the best summer ever , becausethat was the last months I spent with my uncle before he died on December 23 , 2006 . The day he died was one of the worst days of my life , because he was alwaysthere for me all the time . Back then I really didn 't have a Dad , so he was like a Dadto me . When he died I was so sad and angry . I didn 't get over that until my 8th gradeyear , so that really messed up my life . Back then , when I would think about him Ifelt like I just wanted to kill myself , because he was a dad , friend , and uncle to me . I started getting worse in my classwork , and that 's what really messed me up in my7th grade year at Claremont . Now I can think about my uncle and not get mad , because I know he 's in abetter place , so I feel better about it . Now I 'm in my last two weeks at Claremont . Imight not graduate from middle school . I learned that you should always thinkabout your class work before anything so you can graduate . I also learned thatgetting over death takes time . by KWIt all started in middle school in 6th grade . I have been changing a lot ever since I can remember . The people I hung with were bad . They skipped school , skipped class and even were disrespectful to their elders . I was getting so many bad grades , it wasn 't even pretty . I started skipping school in 7th grade . I was disrespectful to my teachers … I don 't know why but I was . When I was in 7th grade I was even worse , I was staying out late and was coming to school late . But when I got in 8th grade I couldn 't trust nobody . I had to keep to myself . I was starting to get good grades . I was in so much stuff this year because females were hating on me , but I got over that . So now I 'm trying to get these good grades because I 'm stressing so much because all the stuff I 'm going through outside of school and inside of school . It 's affecting me in school because of all the stress , but I just have to leave that alone . I have to focus in school more now cause I only have one more week to get this 2 . 0 . I 'm not trying to repeat this grade over . It 's not going to happen . And it 's like my teachers are failing me on purpose . But I don 't know . So now I 'm in danger because I only have 1 more week until this marking period ends . So I 'm counting on myself to get this done , and my teacher , Ms . Thaler , is too . So now I 'm so mad because people keep talking mess about me and my sis but there 's nothing I could do about it , and if that really gets on my nerves then I 'm going to have to do something about that , but I 'm not going to even trip off that . Now I only have one week left to bring up my grades . I 'm starting to do pretty good on my work so my grades could come up . The only thing I have to do is do my math project , and I think that 's about it . I need to come to school on time and do all my work for my A day and B day classes . When I accomplish this I will really be proud of myself and I will be able to move on to high school . by YungAceMy life in middle school obviously starts in the sixth grade , but not at Claremont . It was at Sankofa . My first day was cool because that 's when I met my first middle school friends . Troy and Hosea were their names . We were real cool and we found out we all like basketball . The end of the school year came along and it came to be that Sankofa was getting dropped to just an elementary school , so we all made a big choice to go to Claremont . It was a new year for new beginnings and it started at Claremont Middle School . First me , Troy , and Hosea saw each other waiting in line for enrollment , but what I didn 't tell you was two other dudes went to sixth grade with me , too : Leon and Alphonso . We ended up seeing them too , and Troy , Hosea , Leon , and Alphonso had another patna by the name of De ' Markus . We all ended up having either most or all of our classes together , and that changed a lot of stuff about me . I became a comedian , in a way , but also I learned how life can be like real and fake people . Some of them started to act differently than they had before , and I saw that people are different around their friends . Also , I saw my cousin Mike Lusk and I met Kelman , Jeremiah , and my cousin Kyle . We all played on the seventh grade basketball team all last year . The only thing we did was go around having fun , messing with people and stuff . The end of the school year came and we went swimming , had water fights , the whole nine . So now we have our 8th grade year . This year has been up and down , from friends to fights . I lost friends from moving away , and also from homicide , but when football and basketball season came it was their lives I dedicated it to . Although I had a great season in both sports I still had school and home to deal with . School was cool in the beginning but just because I did well I started to fall off . The end of the year is near and I messed up twice . I have one more chance to do good , and I have no other choice but to do good so I can finish my athletic career . This has been my life story in middlPosted by by nascar11My four day weekend was really fun . Friday I went to my cousin 's house . We went to the " Louisiana Chicken " on 38th Ave . That 's the best food place in the 30 's , almost . I got something new this time , the shrimp dinner : six pieces of shrimp and fries , with a suicide soda ( mixed flavors ) . I always get that kind of soda though . That day was funny , my friend drank the rest of my soda and just like NuNu on ATL ( the movie ) I said " C you drank all my soda ! " After that we had a water fight . That day my goal was to wet his face with water and ice ! Saturday I went back to my cousin 's house . We didn 't really have anything planned until later that day , when we were going bowling . Earlier we just played outside with each other , ate , and then went to the T - Mobile store . I saw a bunch of phones that I liked . One really " different " one that looked like a digital camera but it was a phone , really cool . Later , like around 8 : 30pm , we went bowling , laugh out loud . How cute , everybody really thought they could beat me . We made bets , so as long as I live I will never be broke because someone always owes me . Sunday I went back over there but only for like two hours . Before 5pm my sister came and got me and we headed to her house , well , my god mom 's house . Before we went home we went to the Concord mall , then to Forever 21 . After that we went to Popeye 's , my first time ever going there . Mmh hmm it was good , I got the kids meal nuggets and my sister got " naked " chicken . We ate on the way to the house . When we got there we left right back out to meet my god mom at Target . We played around in there for a little while , then we went to the second greatest grocery store ever . . . Win . Co ! My sister and I were " Jerkin ' " ( the dance ) , eating candy , having races , and everything . We headed home after about 30 - 45 minutes . Basically the whole night we were running in and out , but having fun . I went to bed at 1 : 05am , exactly . 9 : 20am Monday morning I woke up to a phone call from my cousin saying " Zaayyy . . . what are you doing . " I said in a groPosted by by SparkusMy middle school years have been weird , interesting , and crazy all in one . But one aspect changed the rest of my life . When I first got to middle school I wanted to be on the basketball team like hell ! So I waited and waited for tryouts but they didn 't come . I was hella mad . Finally , one day the basketball coach , Coach D , announced that he was going to hold tryouts . Tryout day came , I went , and I tried my best . ' ' But not hard enough ' ' coach D said . ' ' You didn 't pass the ball enough , ' ' he told me . I didn 't make the team , I was hella mad , and I almost gave up on basketball . The next year I moved from my old house into a new one , so I transferred schools into Claremont ; I was juiced that I was at a new school . I only got in trouble one time , but it was a real big mistake . I was on DHP and couldn 't come back until after a court date . Then , in late November , I was able to come back right in time for basketball season . I went to tryouts where I met Coach Finch , excellent coach ! I gave it my all and passed the ball more , and I made it too ! I was so hella excited , I called my mom at lunch and told her about it . Everything was going great for the season , but at the end of the season we didn 't come home with a championship . I was hella upset ! Then my house caught on fire , less than a week before school got out , so I had relocate again . So over the summer I had to move to a new house in east Oakland , but I still attended Claremont for my last year in middle school . I couldn 't wait to start school over again . The school year came real fast , I was ready for basketball season , but it seemed like it took forever to come . Finally the principal announced one day that tryouts would be held in the gym . I was so juiced ! So I went to the tryouts that day and gave it my all . I felt greater than ever ! The next week coach Finch announced who was on the team , and I made it ! I wasn 't starting because of my grades , but I still made it . My skills this year were better than last year 's . So I was very confident in Posted by by JWWhen I first started playing football I thought it would be about just about winning . I play for the East Bay Warriors . We went undefeated this whole year and for that we got invited to play in a football tournament in Florida . We were going to be out there for about a week and a half . There were two teams that made it that played for East Bay Warriors : my team , the Wolf Pack , and the younger team , the Wolverines . This was a great experience for me because I hadn 't been on a plane ever in my life . ( Well , one time I had , but it was when I was little and I don 't really remember so I don 't count it . ) To get there we had to take a couple of planes . It was very fun because me and other friends were throwing napkins at people . Each plane ride took about 45 minutes , but the longest plane ride was five hours . After the plane ride we had to take a bus to the Disney resort . It took about 45 minutes to get there , by that time it was about 6 : 00 and it was starting to get dark . Out in Florida they are three hours ahead of us out here in California . When I first got to the Disney resort we had to go in this tent and wait for the other buses to get there . I was in the first bus that got there , so my teammates and I were playing ping - pong in the tent . It took the other buses about an hour to get to the rendezvous spot in front of the resort . When the rest of the team got there we had to be put in groups . My group was my cousin Marjani , Six Footer , and Coach Troy . In Florida there are a lot of things to do , like the food court , arcade room , and a lot of pools . For me I couldn 't eat a lot like I wanted to because I 'm an " Older lighter . " An older lighter is when you are over the age limit for a team , but your weight is accepted . I was disappointed because they had a lot of food I wanted to eat . The weight limit was 109 , so I had to lose three pounds to be certified to play in the game . The good thing about it was we only had to weigh in one time , so once we made weight that time we were clear for all the games . I Posted by by sk8rboiFor me , middle school has been the most difficult situation I have had to overcome . During my 6th grade year , I moved to Walnut Creek . The reason my family had to move was because my mom and dad were getting a divorce and my mom couldn 't afford the house we were living in . So we decided to move to Walnut Creek to be closer to family . At my old school , hardly anyone did anything right . Everyone was tardy to class , cutting , smoking all the time . Out of all the people I hung around , hardly anyone had good grades , so I fell into the trend of being tardy to almost every class and even skipping some days . The only thing that kept me on track there was skating . When my mom and brother and I moved to Walnut Creek , we stayed in my auntie 's two - bedroom apartment with her son because our place wasn 't done yet . This was all right because my cousin was my age , and he was the reason I was going to the school . For the first few days at my new school , I was in shock . I had never seen so many white people in one place before . Right at the beginning of the year , I got into a fight in my P . E . class . Some girl tried to hit me with a hockey stick ; I have no idea why . So then , being the smart boy that I am , I pushed her , and she went to the side to cry . I watched her boyfriend walk up to her , and I just knew I was going to get in trouble . Next thing you know , he was in my face , and I didn 't like that too much , so I knocked him out . The same day I came back from suspension , I got into another altercation . I was walking to my first period class when someone bumped into me so hard I almost fell . Guess who it was ? It was the guy 's friend . Now I was thinking to myself , I came to school to stay out of trouble , but it doesn 't seem to be working . When I got in the office , this time they were already talking about kicking me out of school , but they gave me one more chance to get it together . My 7th grade year , I didn 't get into any fights . My only problem was my grades . I was sitting in class almost every day , not knowingPosted by by nonfictionMy first day of middle school in the 6th grade was scary ! As soon as I stepped a foot on the Alvarado Middle school campus I was nervous . My mom and I went to the office of the school and sat there waiting for them to give me my schedule . While we were sitting there waiting , my heart felt as if it was going to jump out of my chest . Once they gave me my schedule it was time for my mom to leave , and after she left I felt alone and lost . It 's funny now , looking back on my sixth grade self . The first class I had to go to was math . When I first walked in the classroom I felt like I didn 't belong . Everybody was staring at me like I was an alien from outer space , which made matters worse . When I sat down in my seat the teacher handed me a paper . I read the paper , and what do you know - it was a POP QUIZ ! ! ! I was a little upset because here I am just coming out of summer vacation and a teacher gives me a pop quiz . I didn 't really remember anything on the paper so I felt I wasn 't going to do very well . Once that class was over I felt relieved and was ready to go to my next class , still feeling a little nervous . The next class I had was pm core , a Language Arts and Social Studies class . Once that class was over I thought to myself that class was probably going to end up being my favorite class , because even though we did work , it was more relaxing . After pm core we had lunch . During lunchtime I felt alone until I met up with my friends from the 4th and 5th grade . I was so happy when I saw them because they were people I knew and I no longer felt alone . After lunchtime , the next class I had was art . When I walked in the art classroom I was excited because I liked to do art and couldn 't wait to start . My first day of art class we didn 't really do much and it was kind of boring . Art was my last class , and once it was over I met up with my friends again and we walked to the apartment complex where they lived and my mom worked , where I later lived . There we sat in the office for a minute and I told my mom abPosted by by KWIn 6th grade I always got suspended , if I did do something and if I didn 't . Since I got suspended so often , when I did come back to school I got suspended again , even though I hadn 't done anything that time . Kind of like the boy who cried wolf . Even if I did get in trouble for something I didn 't do , I wasn 't gonna tell who did it . I knew no one would believe me - they would think I was just making something up so I wouldn 't get in trouble . You might find this amusing , but I spent more of my school year at home than I did at school . The good thing about it was I always got my work when I got suspended . I got suspended for throwing a few milk cartons over the fence , throwing rocks at cars , and getting into many fights . Once with one person , and about twice with another person . The second time I fought him I didn 't get suspended , I just spent about the last 30 minutes of class in the office . When our English and history teacher left ( or thats what he said - we all thought he got fired ) , we got two new teachers , Ms . Summerwill and Mr . Reese . The good part about that was they gave the class one assignment each day and we always got an A just for doing it I passed even after everything I did ; I think I got luckyIn 7th grade I didn 't do the same thing I did in 6th grade - I did way better . My grades improved and I didn 't get suspended . I didn 't always turn in my work or projects , but I did better than before . When I got home every day my mom would tell me I could do better , and I promised her I would and guess what , she thought I was lying . My classes were good , nothing wrong with them , just the work was the problem . The way the teachers taught kinda made the classes not that good . They never really taught you anything but the same thing over and over and over , and that kinda got me confused to the point were I felt like I didn 't need to do the work anymore . Even though I kind of stopped my work , I still made it to the 8th grade . Now , the time we 've all been waiting for . 8th grade , my worst school year yet . All my gradePosted by by JVWhen I was in the 7th grade I broke my leg playing football for the East Bay Warriors , so I missed more than half the year . I was getting home - schooled because I wasn 't able to walk . Teachers would come out to my house just to help me get caught up with my work that I missed at school . When I came back to school I had a 3 . 0 , so I got an award for being on the honor roll . When I was out for those seven months I missed basketball season and I wasn 't a captain any more . When I realized I wasn 't a captain I worked twice as hard as the other people so I could get better and strengthen my leg . After I healed , the doctor said I would not grow much more because growth plate was messed up . The doctor said that they might have to break my other leg so I could grow equally , but there was no need to do that because my leg healed correctly . When I went back to the doctor they said I would be 6 ' 5 ' ' or 6 ' 6 ' ' when I 'm older . When the doctor said I was eligible to play sports again I immediately got involved . But if I break my leg like that again I will not be able to play sports anymore . Hopefully I will go pro , and when I do I will give all my teachers season passes . Ms . Thaler will get a special seat for giving me a good grade on this essay . My backup plan is to be an engineer . You have to be good in math to do that , and math is my strongest subject . This experience changed me because I realized that if I break my leg again I wouldn 't be able to play sports . That 's why you have to go to school just in case you have an injury . That why you can have a backup plan if you have an education . A good education can help you in the job market . Business owners and mangers are not interested in uneducated drop outs , the truth hurts but this is reality . Athletic abilities can get you to some great places in life but you should always have a backup plan . by STIt was my first year at Claremont Middle School . I was going to 6th grade - in fact everyone was new . I was really scared and excited . My mom said that it was time for me to be confident , that I could make it , and for me to become a little bit more mature . Of course I listened to my mom , and she gave me the confidence to step into my first class . It was an English and history class . The teacher 's name was Mr . Traylor . He was a cool guy and a nice man , too ! We all introduced ourselves and everything went pretty smoothly and I liked my classes a lot , especially Mrs . Baxter 's math and science class ! Soon I met some really nice people . Their names were Ada , Angelic and Nichelle . They were really nice and they actually helped me through my problems . Sometimes ( only four times ) we skipped class . It was really fun . We had this really irritating teacher , She was sort of ratty looking and she just yelled at everybody even though our work was always done and we were all passing . Back then we never got an F we always got a B in all our classes and we only had 5 classes , so it was easy . When we used to skip we would eat hot fries and drink juices and listen to music . Unfortunately , we eventually got in trouble . After that we didn 't skip any more ! Things were going well for all of us until one day Angelic was crying in front of me ! She me told somebody was messing with her ! No one would take it seriously even though she kept telling everybody . I was the only one who took it seriously . One day , in P . E . , we were changing in the bathroom . When I left , Nichelle and Angelic were still inside , and some sixth grade girls locked them in the bathroom . They just wanted to lock in Angelic , but Nichelle was in there also . I tried to ask them to stop , but they wouldn 't let the door go . I was so angry . While Angelic was crying in the bathroom I tried to console her but she was too upset . I got out of class when the period ended and I took Angelic to the main office . We told them what happened , but no one did anything about it . ThPosted by by PrincessReemaIn 6th grade , this boy whose name was Josh wanted to go out with me . I told him I needed to get to know him better before I started a relationship with someone I don 't know well . So I got to know him better and started liking him , so of course I started going out with him . When we first started going out our relationship was pretty good , but then he started getting very annoying , being very immature and childish . So I talked to him about it and told him I didn 't like the way he was acting . I said , " Could you please stop acting like that , or I 'm going to break up with you . " He said , " Yeah I can do that , " and I was like , " Thanks . " The next week he started changing back to his old ways , so I broke up with him . Two weeks later we started going back out because I still liked him . First it was cool , but then he started doing too much and getting on my nerves . So of course he had to go , because it wasn 't working . Through the whole school year Josh and I were on and off , until finally I got tired of him after six or seven times and broke up with him forever . That relationship taught me that when someone says they 're going to change they don 't always mean it . In the 7th grade there was this new boy at the school and his name was Kevari . He was very cute and he was light skinned , just how I like them . So Kevari and I started talking more and more each day and we finally exchanged numbers . Soon as the school day was over I texted him , and we were texting for like the whole day . I told him I liked him a lot and he said he liked me too . I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no . I was like , " Good , that 's cool . " He asked me the same and I was like , " Nope . " He asked me out that same night and of course I said yes , because I really liked him . The next weekend we went to the movies and he got mad at me because when he walked away some boys tried to get my number but I told them no . So Kevari came back and said , " I know you just gave those boys your number . " And I 'm likPosted by by MSMy first time taking a stand towards a teacher was when I was in the seventh grade . I was taking a multimedia class at Glick Middle School and my teacher was out for the day . So the assistant , Matt , was in charge of all the news broadcasting that we did . I was done with my news broadcast so I started a new project and the sub got mad . I was trying to explain to her that I was finished with my work , but she kept talking over me . I needed to explain to her what was going on , but she kept talking on and running her mouth like she knew what I was about to say . She kept talking about things that didn 't even have to do with me , like , " Why don 't you do what Matt 's doing instead of being obnoxious ? " So I told her , " You need to stop running your mouth at me like I am your child . Just because you 're a so - called teacher doesn 't mean that you have to disrespect me and yell at me me over nothing . That wasn 't even necessary ! " She got all quiet and wrote me a referral to the office , so I went with out with no problems . And the principal had to suspend me just because if you get into a conflict with a sub at school it 's an automatic suspension . But I took it without a problem . When I got home , my grandmother was questioning me about what had happened . I was kind of scared at first cause I have never been suspended before , but I just sucked it up and told her everything that happened . My grandmother said , " As long as you did what you did because you thought it was right its okay . But if you know what you did was wrong , it 's not okay . " I took that into consideration and thought about it all day . I wondered what would have happened if I didn 't do what I did . Ultimately , this incident taught me that some bad consequences are worth it if you really think what you were doing was right . by KS8th grade was a good year . I met a lot of new friends like Julian , Manuel and a couple others . My favorite part was the end because I 'm leaving to go to high school . Also , I was on the honor roll the whole year . I found out I 'm getting an iTouch for my graduation , hopefully . This year has been awesome . In the first week of 8th grade I was a little scared - I don 't know why , it just felt weird . After about a month or so I got used to it . My very favorite part was around January , because that 's when I got my first phone . I had a lot of fun with it . I gave my number to all my friends . Sadly , after three weeks I lost it . I had taken it out of my jacket to put it in my pants but it had fallen out of my jacket . I would have heard it , but we were moving our desks in class , so I couldn 't . I was so mad at myself , I didn 't do any more work that day . I walked out of the school crying . I went to my nana and told her what happened and she helped me go look for it , but we couldn 't find it . After I stopped crying I thought , oh geez , I 'm going to have to tell my mom , she 's going to be so angry at me . Then when I got home I told her and she just said , " Okay , that 's your fault . " I was so relieved . Then about two months later she got me a new one . After all the phone drama was over school , went normally . One amazing thing that happened was that the band , yes I 'm in it , won first place in the band competition at Great America . We also won a trophy for being the best band out of all the ones that played . Otherwise , I 'm happy to be leaving because this school is kind of bad . It 's disorganized , and half the people here get suspended so much they should just stay home . I just want to get out . Another reason I 'm glad to be leaving is because of some of the teachers . They can teach , it 's just some of them are disorganized . I 've always wondered , is freshmen Friday real or not ? If it is I 'm just not going to school that day . One thing I 'm looking forward to is biology . It sounds interesting and fun andPosted by by involuntary branslaughterIt was lunchtime and I went to get lunch . After I was done eating I went to the back of the school to play basketball with my friends . We were going to get a game to 32 points . We had teams of three . It was Josh , Jeremiah , and me vs . Cash , Lil Ron , and Kelman . We started playing and my team was winning . I was giving them very good passes and they were making the basket . I was happy because usually when I give my teammates good passes they always mess the passes up by not making the basket . Back to what I was saying . So when we started winning , Cash got mad and threw the ball all the way to the portables . I ran to go get it . Then I threw it back and ran full speed back to the courts . As I was running , I looked up and thought to myself , is this seagull going to booboo on me , or is it just flying ? Next thing I knew , I was lying on the blacktop . I don 't really remember the details of who was there or what happened next . I guess my friends Josh and Kelman helped me up , and I could barely walk . Some people said I went head up with Cash and some people said I ran into a pole . I went to get my jacket so I could go to the office and call my dad . When I called my dad he answered and said , ' ' Hello , " of course , and then I said ' ' Dad , can you come pick me up ? Because I knocked myself unconscious . " He said , ' ' What do you mean ? ' ' I said , ' ' I can 't remember anything . ' ' Then he said , ' ' I 'm on my way . ' ' I sat and waited for him in the office . It took him about 15 minutes to get there . When I got in the car with him he asked me what had happened . I told him everything that happened as we went home . This incident taught me a lot of things . It taught me stuff like not to run and look up at the same time because you can 't see where you are going . It taught me to always pay attention while you 're running because you never know what might happen next . This was the first time this had happened . I was really scared when I first woke up because I didn 't know what was going to happen . What I thought was going Posted by by long legsOver my middle school years my cousin taught me how to do hair , because I told her I wanted to do hair when I grew up . She said , " Oh , that 's cool , do you want me to show you the steps of doing hair ? Because I do hair and I taught myself , with help from my sister . " Then she showed me on my baby doll hair . I was like , " That 's tight ! How you do that ? " Then she showed me , and I tried and I didn 't get it so I was mad . But I kept trying until I got it . Days later . . . I did it and I was too happy because first I tried and gave up . But then I thought about it , kept trying , and didn 't give up . On February 23 , 2009 , I got my first fake nails from the nail shop for my birthday . I had really been wanting them because they are cute and every time I see somebody with them , like my sister , I be like " Them too cute ! I can 't wait until I get mine . " So I asked my mama . First she said no , but then she was like , " You 're growing up , so yeah , I guess . " And I was too happy . I was like , " Hey , go me ! " So then I went to the nail shop and got them , I got blue and white tiger stripes . Too cute ! So now I 'm still getting my nails and feet done and it 's fun , and girly , which I am . Being in middle school has changed me because when I first started I was nervous , because this was my first time going to middle school . And then I meet new people and teachers , so a few days later I wasn 't so nervous . I was happy I was in the 6th grade even though I was nervous at first but then got over it . In 7th grade I was happy I was in the grade because I want to see how the 7th grade was and it was cool ! Now , in the 8th grade I sometimes wish I were back in the 6th or 7th . But yeah , the 8th is fun and a good experience because in the 8th grade you do a lot of things also . These experiences taught me that to get what you want you have to keep trying . You can 't give up the first time something is hard or doesn 't work out . by ERThe most memorable moment that changed my life was in the sixth grade at Westlake Middle School . I was just getting out of my math class and started looking for my sister in the crowded halls of W . M . S . I was thinking of all the places that she could be and asking everyone that she knew . Finally ! ! I ran across somebody who had spotted my sister . She was in the exact spot that I had looked before . I was very angry . I started yelling as if I was her mother . I said , " Where were you , little girl ? " ( Knowing that she is older than me ) . She started shushing me as a warning that I had to be quiet because there was a dance class going on , and knowing my bad attitude I refused to quiet down and there were consequences . The dance instructor and I got into an argument . They say that bad things happen for good reasons . As the day went by , we had to attend an assembly to see what the after school programs had come up with midyear . Me , trying to be the bad girl , I sat there and talked amongst my friends about how bad this assembly would be , and it was - until it got to the action part of the program . There was Capoeira , African dance , Modern , and Hip - hop . All of a sudden the talking amongst my friend stopped and I got interested in Modern and Hip - hop dance ( not African dance because I 've already tried that ) . After the assembly they gave the students the chance to sign up for the after school program . So I did ! A week after I got my paper signed I was able to join the dance class . I knew that this was my time to change . Whooo ! My first day of change . As I walked into class the dance teacher immediately noticed me , " the problem child . " She said , " Didn 't I have to put you of my class ? " I slowly responded , “… Yeah . " Then she gave me a long lecture about her dance group and how they respect her and she 's never had a problem with them . It seemed like all that talking went in one ear and out the other . As time want by I got a chance to change and a chance to do a lot , until I met this girl and my old ways startePosted by by ~ Dr3 @ m $ ~ In my past three years , my middle school years ( 6th - 8th grades ) , I 've gone on multiple trips ( with classes from school ) , but I 'm going to talk about two , plus trips that have happened with band . The trips have showed me … how fun , educating , and interesting it can be to go on trips with classes and friends . Point Bonita was very pretty indeed . We were there for three days , a Monday , Tuesday , and Wednesday . We went when I was in 6th grade . Once you 're there it seems like you 're so far away from the city , but really you 're not too far away at all . We stayed in these two buildings , the boys in one , the girls in the other . There were multiple schools there . The buildings had separate rooms ; some rooms had about four beds , bunks . I 'm pretty sure there was a building to eat in , and when we were done eating , if there were leftovers , then we had to put the food into like buckets I think , to compost it . We had to wake up fairly early and go to bed at a reasonable time . To get there we rode in people 's cars , we had to get to school early , I think before 7 : 45am but that 's just a guess . Don 't expect me to remember everything , it was two years ago . I remember that we hiked / walked to a part that had a pretty high cliff / drop off , the person my group had had us link arms and walk slowly , not go too close , but to look over the edge of the cliff . It was kind of scary , but fun . We , well I , saw a few deer one day pretty close by . I like deer , they 're cute / pretty . I also slightly remember a small part of a day , we had went to a spot to sit in a circle , then we got read a story by Dr . Seuss . After the story was finished we all wrote on the back of a pretty postcard like a vow or promise of something we would do differently to help the environment . I think I wrote that I would turn off the lights when I leave the room . I also remember one thing that I 'm sorry I did when we were on our free time , I accidentally poked my good friend in the eye and a blood vessel had popped . Then one night some of the girls Posted by by : DRUnlike most kids ' , my middle school years were easy . I think they were easy because I had a lot of experience with kids that age , so I guess I was used to the kind of behavior of these kind of students . I think it was also easy because the year before I had just attended my first few months of choir ( Cantare Con Vivo ) with teens that were at least two to three years older than me . I guess my experiences with choir have prepared me for my years of middle school . When I first started choir I thought that the kids were going to be mean . Instead of trying to get to know them , I made a fool of myself acting out . This made it hard to get along with some of the kids in my choir . It took me three and a half months just to get along with them because of the way I acted in my first week . I realized that the people in my choir were not as mean as I thought they would be , so I guess I was judging a book by its cover . When I started going to Claremont I acted the same so I guess I had not yet learned from my mistakes . I was acting as if I was better than everyone so I had problems with my first days of school . I had to ask my choir director for advice about fitting in , and she told me , " Don 't act out . Just be yourself . " These experiences with choir have helped me improve in 6th and 7th grade . Everything changed that summer , because I was being careless and irresponsible and got myself hit by a car . I had very few physical injuries , but I was diagnosed with amnesia . My mom took me home and I didn 't remember anything , so I was afraid of everything around me . This all went away after a week because I started to remember my siblings that came to visit to help jog my memories . After that summer my life meant nothing to me because I felt like everything was going to fast so I just stopped trying . My life felt like it was going too fast so I stopped working in school . Then I started choir again and it got easier . They helped me understand that life is going fast but that does not mean that I have to stop working hard just Posted by by GQThe years in middle school have changed my life . I 've learned all kinds of different things about different subjects in school , boring as it was . I 've met many friends in middle school . There 's the trip to Point Bonita in the 6th grade , the week in Yosemite in 7th grade , and getting to go to Cazadero Music Camp for two weeks in the summer before the 8th grade , just to name a few . The trip to Point Bonita was somewhat fun , but also a little disappointing . The reason it was disappointing was that I had been there in the 5th grade , and we stayed at a hostel , which had really good service . The food was delicious , the activities were very enjoyable , and the cabins were comfortable . The trip in the 6th grade , however , was not as enjoyable . We stayed in a YMCA - owned building that was crowded and noisy . The food was mediocre , the activities weren 't as fun to do , but the cabins were still pretty comfortable . I actually had mixed feelings when I left it , as opposed to the 5th grade , when I despised leaving the hostel . The five - day trip to Yosemite was really enjoyable . It was probably the most fun I had in all of middle school . We hiked a lot , and I started to develop a faster walking pace as a result . One place I remember hiking through was Yosemite falls . It was a very steep hill , and we had trouble going up without resting every 50 yards or so . Another experience I remember well was going through Spider Cave ( or was it Tunnel ? ) . It was formed when huge boulders fell off the mountains above , and coincidentally forming a natural tunnel underneath . It was cold and dark , and we weren 't allowed to use flashlights . I remember squeezing through this small hole in the beginning , and I wondered how the bigger people were able to do the same thing . I remember participating in a snowball fight for the first time in my life , even though there wasn 't much snow there . Even the ride back to Oakland was fun . I found myself resenting the moment we arrived back to Oakland greatly . When I arrived at Cazadero Music Camp for tPosted by by ArracutieI saw the packed suitcases on her bedroom floor . I saw the empty bureau , the blue drawers no longer containing the knickknacks I had come to expect there . I saw these , but I didn 't accept them , didn 't understand . I scanned the room for an explanation , but there was no note . Then I felt a gentle pat on my back , and turned around to find Ana standing next to me , smiling a sad smile . She must have noticed the tears forming in my eyes , for she immediately began to comfort me . " I 'll never abandon you , " she said . And because she had been my stepmom for as long as I could remember , I believed her . I had only been stopping by the house for clothes for my visit with my biological mother , so I wiped my eyes and shut the door behind me . When my mom and I arrived at our apartment , I called my dad , who was on a business trip at the time , and told him what I had seen at the house . He told me not to worry , and that Ana was probably just cleaning out her room . The confidence in my dad 's voice calmed me . How could I have been so stupid ? I thought . Ana would never leave us . My dad was right . I reprimanded myself for thinking such things about her . All the times she had been there to comfort me , to console me ; I couldn 't forget that . She was the one who hugged me after a bad visit with my mom , the one who drove me to school each morning and picked me up afterwards asking , " How was school today , honey ? " She wove French braids into my long hair before concerts , making sure to brush away any knots or tangles from my hair beforehand . We would stay up late laughing in bed with popcorn kernels lost in our sheets and candy wrappers surrounding us . She was my role model , but most importantly , she was my mom . That night I slept peacefully . In the morning I was awakened by the sound of my cell phone announcing a missed voicemail . I flipped the pink cover open and pressed the speaker to my ear . " One missed call from Dad , received at 9 : 45 am , " the robotic voice informed me . Then my dad 's voice began . " Hey HunPosted by by KPLast year my family threw a picnic party in the hills . Everybody was listening to R & B music , eating BBQ , and having a good time . My uncle Damon was asking all the teenagers if they wanted to walk through the hills . He finally got all of us to go and we all walked far away from the family picnic . We didn 't tell our mommas that we were leaving so they didn 't know where we had gone . It was so hot and I couldn 't really breathe . We didn 't bring any water or any food . We were walking on rocks and some people fell and if you would fall everybody would laugh at you . We started walking through these trees and it looked like something knocked the trees over because they were just lying on the ground . There were sticks and dirt everywhere , so you had to watch your step . We all kept walking to this desert part of the hills and we had to walk down a steep rock and my cousin fell down the rock but she caught herself . Everybody was laughing but she was okay . I told my uncle it was getting dark and we needed to head back to the picnic . Everyone started walking back but we couldn 't find the picnic so we all were lost . I was so scared because it started to get pitch black and I couldn 't really see that well . I heard there were mountain lions in the hills . We heard a helicopter above our heads but they couldn 't see us . After about an hour and a half we finally made it back to the picnic , only to find the police waiting for us . My auntie cussed all of us out , saying something could have happened to us because there are mountain lions and all types of animals out there . My momma said a helicopter was looking for us and I told her we saw it but it didn 't see us . I learned never to walk through the hills without water or food . by LuckyIt was 6 : 00am on a Sunday morning when I had to get out of my nice warm bed and get dressed and head off to the train station to leave for Yosemite . The train ride was long and some of us fell asleep . Little did I know the worst part was yet to come . After the train ride , we were on a bus for three more hours riding to Curry Village on a windy road . On the bus ride I talked to people I normally would not talk to . However , it was all worth it because when we got to Curry Village the fun began . The first thing we did was take a walk around to better understand our new environment . This ended with a big snowball fight ( FUN ! ) , which we had to cooperate to win . Later we were told the rules of camp and the first one was no snowball fights ( not fun ) . We were then split into three groups and met our group leaders . Mine was really boring and no fun . The next day we were told the hiking schedule . Every day we hiked for four hours and got three hours of free time . We had a 10 : 00pm curfew . Each morning we had to wake up at 7 : 00am and eat breakfast , but the food there was not that good . I also woke up the other people of my group so we could get to breakfast in time . The hikes , however , were a pretty good workout . The best part of the trip for me was when we got to look at the views from the top of the hills we were on . I also liked that we learned many games that tested our trust in one another and helped us cooperate as a team . We also learned games that were just plain fun . That one week in Yosemite taught me about my friends and how important it is to cooperate in order to complete a task . Going to Yosemite with my classmates will be something I 'll always remember . by KOWhen I came to Arizona it was kind of hard for me to make new friends because I had already made friends in California . Right before I was leaving from Cali we were going to go to Great America , and I was going to take this girl who I called my best friend Jasmine , but my mom said we couldn 't go anymore because we had to get on a Greyhound . I was like , Greyhound ? Isn 't a hound a dog ? , and I didn 't understand . I was really sad packing my suitcase . I made believe I folded my clothes and just threw them in the suitcase . When my mom came into the room she didn 't say anything , she just looked around and noticed I hadn 't really done anything . I just said , " Okay . " And started to really pack my clothes like she wanted me to do , because I already knew she was going to try and give me a lecture on why I should just listen and finish so we wouldn 't miss our greyhound , which she still didn 't tell me what a greyhound was . When I finished bunching all my clothes into my suitcase I went down stairs and I was looking at most of my things that entertain me , like my scooter , my bike , my magic eight ball , and some other things , and people were coming over and they were picking up things and looking . Then my mom came around the corner with another box and I said , " Mom , what are all these people doing here and why are my things outside ? " Then she said , " Baby , it 's called a garage sale . " I said , " Well , you don 't have to sell any of my things . " And then she went on and on and on and on , you have too many toys , why can 't you share , stop being so selfish . I said , " They 're not toys ! " And then she said , " So what are they ? " And my response was , " They 're my personal things to keep me busy . " I took a couple of my things and stuffed them in my suitcase , and finally I got them inside the suitcase . The next thing you know , my mom closed the garage door and my suitcase shot open right when she got in the room , and in my mind I 'm thinking , oh no what 's about to happen now ? And she said " WPosted by by Red VioletThere are many people in your middle school experience . You 've got your teachers , your friends , and then there 's your parents . Your parents are supposed to be there for you when your world is falling apart all around you , but what if they 're the reason your world is falling apart ? Before I start off you should know that my parents are divorced , and my mom is remarried to a man named George , and they live in Walnut Creek together . It all started in the 6th grade , but to me this story really began last summer . The custody case was in the middle of August . I would either go to a Walnut Creek school and alternate weeks between my dad and mom , or I would go to Claremont and live with my dad and go to my mom 's every other weekend . I had been talking to my dad a lot about the whole thing , but with my mom . . . not so much . It 's not like I couldn 't talk to my mom or something , it 's just that it 's easier to talk to the parent who you want to live with more . The only problem about this was that I had a two week vacation in Greece with my mom and George . When we first started the trip things were fine , but about a week in they started getting a little irritating . We all got frustrated with each other more and we got in more arguments . Then one day while George was swimming with my mom 's best friend and her boyfriend Dick my mom asked me about it . I was so scared that I would hurt her feelings , I just did not want to talk about it . I basically refused , but then after a huge fight I did . And as I had feared my mom started crying , then of course since she was crying , I started crying . I remember she looked at me with eyes full of tears and said , " Why didn 't you tell me about this until two weeks before the court date ? " I answered simply , " Because you never asked . " Then she started getting really angry . I could see the anger as she yelled at me , " DO I HAVE TO ASK ? I am your mother and I deserve to see you at least half the time and I will take you and your father to court until I can . I will fPosted by by aznWhen I first met my love my life was simple and easy , but little did I know that that was all about to change . Fate was about to make a drastic change in my life . Love was about to enter my world and change me forever . On about the third day of the seventh grade , at my new school , I met the most beautiful person in the world . The first days of school I did not even notice them , which is weird , because they were so cute . But when I did notice them it was like seeing an angel . The sun was beaming down on them and the birds were singing and their wings sent a worldly stillness that came over the earth and brought peace to all living things . But then that 's where it all went wrong ; I told my friend that I liked this person and my friend told them , but I denied it of course , because I didn 't want anyone to know that I liked them . But as time went on I wasn 't able to hide the truth anymore . My secret was out and there was no way for me to stop it from spreading . Thus my second chance at middle school was ruined already . For some strange reason I felt the urge to stare at them in class , but that was a bad idea . Staring at them was nice at first , until they started to look back at me . Then I just put my head down , but that gave me awful whiplash . If I couldn 't look at them during the only class that I had with them then I would have to follow them to their other classes and their home if I wanted to see them , so I did . Well , one day I was following them home , just like every other day , but this day was about to be different . I thought that I was going to be unseen or ignored , but they turned around facing me while I stood in the middle of the street . They reached into their backpack , pulled out a gun , and shot me in the chest . After that happened I loved them more than ever , but ever since that day I never thought of relationships , love , or sex the same way . I started to think of love as seriously as anyone could think about anything . by RNOver my middle school years I have experienced same fake people . However , I have experienced good things too . Like when I first started the sixth grade , it wasn 't as bad as I thought it would be . I made friends on the first day , but most the excitement was in music class . Seventh grade was an okay year , continuing at the same school was helpful , but it has some bad moments . In the beginning of the year everyone started off being cool and friends and stuff , but in the middle and towards the end of the year people started to change . That 's when I started to realize that a lot of people were fake and everyone is not your friend . Eighth grade year was one of the most funniest , craziest , best years ever . The beginning of the year started off cool like any other beginning of the year . Everyone started off friends as usual . Towards the middle and the end of the year people started to fight , even friends fought each other . Then I heard around the school that my own friends where talking about me . That 's how I realized that people are duplicitous ( two - faced ) and messy . I can take this advice to high school because it teaches me that you can 't treat everyone like a friend because they can turn around and stab you in the back . by blue starIt was the middle of my 8th grade school year . Report cards were coming out and I already knew I would get good grades just like always . Somehow my prediction turned out wrong and I got an A , B , C , and two D 's . I didn 't it was that bad ; actually , I thought I did pretty great ! My mom didn 't think so ; she was so upset she made me wear a skirt to school . I think she did it because she knew I hated skirts , especially this one . It was army print and it had big ugly rhinestones on it . I thought I could be sneaky and not wear it , so early the next morning I decided to sneak a pair of pants in my backpack . After I accomplished that , I quickly ran out and changed by my house . Then all of a sudden my annoying neighbor Roderick who always has something to say , he wanted to talk to me . Out of all people , why him ? ! While talking to him I didn 't realize my grandmother was looking at me out of the window like a stalker . She could 've called me back in the house to keep me from getting in more trouble when I got home . When I spotted her I acted like I didn 't see her and ran toward the bus stop . When I got to school I was so nervous that by the end of the day I had no finger nails . All I could think about was school being over so I could put the hideous skirt back on . When school was over I quickly gathered my stuff and got on the bus , I was so relieved to get through the day without my mom coming by . When I got home I thought I was safe , by the side of my house I slipped the skirt on . I walked in the house like nothing was wrong . My mom took one looked at me and said , " You didn 't wear that skirt . " I said " How do you know ? Yes I did . " I knew my grandma had already ratted me out to my mom . The next day I was in a skirt at school . Nobody really laughed at me because most of the girls were wearing skirts anyway because it was hot outside . However it taught me a very good lesson : to not let your grades get low . Also , to not be sneaky and a liar , because you won 't get far ! by yungzero27When I first arrived at Claremont in the 8th grade I had no idea what I wanted to do for the future . I hated science and never thought I would want to be taking physics , but someone changed that . Ms . Cristancho changed all those thoughts . She made me love science ; she made it something I wanted to look forward to everyday . She made the lessons fun and kept the warm - ups fresh out of her head . That 's what a good teacher does : makes the lesson fun and most of all , makes sure you learn . She changed my whole perspective on science . I never would have dreamed of liking science . Science is now my favorite subject and something that I not only do at school , but at home . Everything , from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep , is science ! ! Now , for my future , I want to work in some field of science . Maybe I 'll become a doctor or a biologist . I love science more than I love any other subject in the world . I don 't know what I would do if science didn 't exist . I think Ms . Cristancho positively influenced me in the right direction . I never got anything lower than an A in science and I hope my high school teachers will look at that and place me in an advanced science class . I think everything from cells to atoms is cool , and I want to study more about it . Science is what keeps me living ( literally ) . I think if I had gone to another middle school I would not have had the same experienced with science as I did at Claremont with ms . Cristancho . I think science is amazing , and if you are willing to let it , it can change you . Who doesn 't want to learn about sound , molecules , light , and fire ? I think one of the reasons I like science is because it helps you figure out how stuff works . It makes your imagination expand . Science has really changed me because now when I look at something or explain something there is always a scientific reason behind it . Ms . Cristancho has really changed my life with her stories and because of her , I 'm happy that I came to this school . by exb11There are many things that I have experienced that I could write in this essay . I am choosing to tell you about two things that are most important in my life . First I am going to talk about sixth grade . In sixth grade I was introduced to Claremont Middle School . At first the school was hard to get used too , but because I had so many friends from my previous school I was okay . In sixth grade I started to play basketball . I always knew about basketball , but since my mom played in college ( way back when ) she wanted me to follow in her footsteps . I tried out for my first AAU team when I was about 11 . Luckily I made it , and my mom was really proud of me , as was I . Once I started going to practices and getting to know the coaches I started to get more comfortable with the team and the overall EBX organization . I wasn 't the best player but I soon began playing in camps and working on my game . Then , in the seventh grade I was one of the starters and I got really good . Almost every weekend I would go to a two - hour clinic that was called Triple Threat Academy . The coaches were Tony and Lou . They were probably the two best players I have ever seen play in person . They really inspired to me to get better . I remember the first time I ever went to the clinic I thought to myself " I wish I was as good as them . " Soon enough my coach picked up on my improvement in basketball and called my mom . He told her about my good effort and hard work in practice . I was really happy because in the seventh grade my team started traveling to Reno , L . A , and Oregon . I earned my starting position and became great friends with one of my teammates , Taylor Norman . During the eighth grade is when everything happened . I applied for two high schools and the process was really expensive and long but it all came out great in the end . I got into both of the high schools , and I was really proud of myself because I knew a lot of kids applied . The schools I applied to were Bishop O ' Dowd and Saint Mary 's College High school . Because I got into Posted by by KMI was 12 when I was robbed . I was home alone with my little brother . In movies , they usually say it was a dark and rainy night . It wasn 't . It was 11 o ' clock on a sunny Sunday morning . My mom was at the gym and my dad was on a bike ride . I was up in my room when the doorbell rang . Our doorbell trills , it 's loud . There was no way to just ignore it . I went downstairs to check the window , to see if I knew the person at the door . I checked , but I didn 't . I went back into the living room , about to go upstairs when I heard a tinkling of glass . My brother had come downstairs so I whispered to him , " He 's breaking in , " It wasn 't that I had to whisper , it was more like I had lost the ability to speak louder . We ran upstairs to the first room on the landing , my own . I had a phone , and I was using it to frantically dial numbers . My mom 's cell , I got voicemail . My dad 's cell , voicemail . And at last , 911 , but by that time I heard heavy footsteps coming from downstairs . I hung up the phone . I was in denial , I thought that maybe my dad had sent someone to check on us . It was naïve , but I was desperate . I didn 't want this to be happening . My brother had stolen the only hiding spot that was protected by the door . My breathing became faster and faster . Finding no better hiding spot , I just stood behind the door waiting for him to come in . Once he was on the landing he choose a different tactic than my brother and I , starting with my younger brother 's room first . When he moved on to my room , reality crashed on me . The denial ended . This was really happening and I needed to deal with it . I opened the door and started screaming words I can 't remember . He rushed to get out of the house ( he didn 't know that anyone was in there ) and I chased after him to make sure he actually left . I remember leaping over shattered glass , then running down the stairs two steps at a time . After that he leaped on a bike and I suddenly became aware of what I was saying . I was calling for help . The neighbors called the police andPosted by by Artsy BarbieYou begin . You 're not quite as bright - eyed and bushy - tailed as you were before this summer . In fact , you 're a bit scared and nervous . But you 're meeting new people - nice new people , fun new people - and you 're surviving your schooling , so there 's soft , warm contentment in you , like a soothing cup of tea and a gentle nap . Then you start missing school . You move up in the world - as big a world as school can be - and the shine in your eyes dulls all the more , leaving you even less optimistic than you were before you started this period of your life . As the months dredge by slowly and painfully , your world grows darker and darker . Getting out of bed is like climbing a mountain . Interacting with friends , family and classmates might as well be punishment . You miss more school . But you get better . You 're able to smile again , and perhaps because of this you throw yourself into evolving your personal style . It becomes your mantra and philosophy to look good and feel good . You pierce your ears multiple times and dye your hair - skirts get shorter and boots get taller . As you laugh and enjoy life again , you remember how much you like to pretend . So you act . And you laugh , and you love it , but just as quickly you cry . One of the people you love the most has cancer , and as cavalier as she is about it - it isn 't that serious , after all , something that can be removed - you die a little inside when you hear . After it 's all over and she 's all right , you realize how immensely lucky you are to not have to suffer that same extreme pain as so many others your age who have lost a parent . You cry some more . But you continue your pretending and do a damn good job at it , which takes up most of your summer . You meet more fantastic , like - minded people and are absolutely sure that this is one of those great turning points in life that you 've heard about . You decide you like it . Unfortunately , it 's over just as soon . School is in session again and for a few moments you feel yourself falling back into darkness . It scarPosted by by BMI 've changed numerous ways since the beginning of 6th grade . I remember when I first came to Claremont , I didn 't know what to expect of middle school . I was small and naive . I came from an elementary school that was all perfect into a middle school that was much different . When I got here in 6th grade I remember how kids would pick on me and my friends , the " little white kids , " and try to mess with us . Once they saw that it didn 't really bother us , they didn 't really do it anymore . Because I didn 't get scared when they tried to mess with me , they treated me differently and just left me alone ever since . Once I got into the 7th grade , I was pretty much comfortable with middle school and was used to it . I got to know most of the people and got familiar with the routine . Unlike the 6th grade , I was no longer a " New Kid " . 8th grade has been the most difficult because I didn 't focus on schoolwork the way I should have , like I did in 6th and 7th grade . I kind of got distracted a lot in my classes . I did all right on my report cards this year but could have done a lot better . I plan to do much better all through high school and college . Unfortunately , middle school went by very slowly . I have been waiting to get out of here and finally go to high school since the beginning of the year . The one area that I have improved dramatically in is baseball . I have been playing since I can remember and have become more serious and skilled each year I played . I would start out just playing during spring , then spring and fall , and eventually I started playing baseball all year round . It has become my favorite thing to do , and I play whenever I get the chance . In 6th and 7th grade , I played just regular little league baseball and played on teams that weren 't really advanced . Once I got into 8th grade I wanted to play at a higher level so I tried out for a traveling team . A traveling team is a highly skilled team with players that the coaches pick out from all over , not just Oakland . There was one spot left on tPosted by by Asia - Amani101Boys , boys , boys ! ! ! Being in a 6 month relationship has taught me so much this year . During my relationship I learned that in order to really have a relationship you have to be able to trust the person you 're with and be able to forgive them . As easy as it sounds it 's really hard . Relationships are like roller - coasters and after being on it with all the ups and downs , and loop 'd ' loops you have no choice but to get off . I was on a big Relationship Roller - Coaster with lots of ups and downs , and most of the time I just got off . It all started one October night . We were talking on the phone , and since we were already friends it wasn 't hard to start a conversation and get straight to the point . He liked me , and I liked him - why not get together ? The beginning of everything is always fun and cute , but then as time goes by you have disagreements and that 's how it all falls apart . Take it from someone who knows , I have been there done that . Here 's my story . Trust : I never had a problem with trusting him before . I was able to tell him everything and he could do the same , but after our first breakup that changed . I could still trust him , but not as much as before . After we broke up there were all these rumors about how he was going with another girl while with me . I didn 't know who to believe . Him because he 's my boyfriend , my sister because she 's been through the same thing , my friends because they know and they might be right , or myself because at the end of the day it 's me who decides what I 'm going to do . Well , unfortunately I believed everyone but him , and we ended up breaking up . At the beginning I didn 't feel so bad , I found someone else , and wished him the best of luck with the " new " girl . As time went on I felt that I was missing something that I really cared about . Did I make the wrong decision and move on too quick , or was I just sprung ? Sprung , never will that happen , but missing someone , yes , that 's what it was . We went to mediation , and talked about what happened , and how we really felt about eacPosted by |
Category : Chestnut Ridge All the Hogs in Heaven This is a new draft of a chapter I began many months ago . It has gone through some serious changes and I expect it to be pretty rough , but I hope some folks will read it and give me early feedback . Thanks ! Through a broad smile , John 's breath formed a cloud before him as he stepped off the porch of his little farmhouse on a late November morning . He paused to survey the scene . Directly in front of him , halfway between the house the narrow dirt road , stood a nearly six - foot diameter stump - evidence of his recent labors . As he looked at the fresh cut tree surrounded by sawdust , he opened and closed his strong hands and felt the blisters formed beneath already tough skin . Felling , sawing , and splitting took a different toll on both muscles and palms than the work he had done in the foundry , and he was feeling it . He straightened his back and shoulders , flexing his sore muscles . To his left , roughly 1000 feet north along the road , he could just see the roof of the old barn on the corner of the property . Between the small yard he had cleared around the house and the barn , was a tangle of blackberry and young eastern red cedars , with occasional patches of waist high brown grass and flower stalks . Using scythe , machete , and hatchet he had cleared a perimeter path around the north two - thirds of the property forming a rectangle roughly 800 feet by 550 feet . This would be the fence line for the main pasture . On three sides , the path was narrow - just enough room to work . Along the Eastern border , along off the road , the path was wide enough for a team to pull a wagon , and there were already worn tracks from all the trips he had made to and from the tree stump and the barn . A flock of juncos flushed from the lane as he started out . A white - throated sparrow called from somewhere in the edge of the blackberry Mis - ter Peabody , peabody , peabody … it sang . " I sure wish Daddy could see this , " he said aloud . It was always his father 's wish that his son would be on Chestnut Ridge , and now he was . The land he grew up on was a few miles north of there , closer to town , but this was , in many ways better land that the property his father was forced to sell late in life . There was a year round sep on the ridge above the south end of the pasture that he hoped would one - day feed a pond , and this part of the ridge had a lot more chestnut trees than the old home place . Looking at the ridge bordering the west side of the property and the giant trees on the steep slope , John remembered the words of his father so many years ago as they gathered chestnuts on the other end of the ridge . " Son , " he had said , " Listen to me close , and remember what I say . A family of four with all the hogs in heaven can survive even the hardest winter on this ridge , as long as they have these chestnut trees . " John 's daddy had a flair for the dramatic , especially when he talked about the life he loved out there on Chestnut Ridge . " Them trees is a gift from God ! " He declared time and time again . That November had been " the month of the axe " for John . For three and half weeks , he worked on the big tree in front of the house . First , he climbed the giant chestnut tree and took off what limbs he could using a hand saw . Later , with the help of Mr . Putnam , he felled it perfectly parallel to the road . John and Mr . Putnam cleaned up the remaining limbs , cutting them into logs for the wood stove , then they measured and cut the long trunk to the proper lengths for posts and rails , which they finally split . They never took time to count but John reckoned they must have split three thousand rails out of that trunk and who knows how many hundreds of posts . For his help , Mr . Putnam took all the posts and rails he wanted for his neighboring property . The rest of it was piled on the north side of the barn , underneath the shed next to the wagon . John planned on laying out the posts that morning before walking over to Mr . Putnam 's place . They had agreed to build John 's fence first so he could get the livestock - especially the goats that would work on clearing the blackberry . He stopped at the near end of the barn and swung open the doors to the horse stalls . Founder was fidgeting in her stall , ready to get to work . Sally , as always , stood calmly , munching on some hay . " I 'll get you ladies hooked up in a minute , " John said , scratching Sally 's cheek . " It 's gonna be a beautiful day . " Founder nodded her head and whinnied as if either agreeing with John 's prediction or trying to hurry him along . " Hold tight , Founder , It won 't be long . " He walked back outside and around the barn to the right . When he saw the wagon tongue and front wheels sticking out from the shed , he picked up his pace . " Putnam must have used the wagon yesterday , " he said . When he reached the corner and looked under the shed , he stopped . Turning around , he looked out towards the overgrown pasture , then ran around the barn to search both ways up and down the road . The simple wooden gate at the head of the short drive was not latched and swung halfway open . Where the lane dipped just before the road , a single chestnut post lay in the grass . John picked up the post and walked back to the shed . He scratched his head as he looked down at the bare ground . That post in his hands was the only piece of chestnut left . The rest of it , every single stick , was gone . He stared at the ground with his hands in his pockets . When the pigs arrived , they could be turned into the woods for mast , but if he was to have goats working on clearing the pasture , they would require a fence . Founder neighed . " Sit tight , girl . I 'm afraid it might e a little while , now , " he called through the barn door . " Ready for a cup already ? " She asked . " Johnny is sleeping . I thought I would get him up in a little bit and bring a pot out there to you . Where is Mr . Putnam ? You didn 't leave him out there to work without you … " Clara poured a cup of coffee and waited patiently for her husband to explain himself . His brow was furrowed and his lips pursed . He tugged at the skin on his Adam 's apple . She added cream to the cup and handed it to her husband without saying anything . Clara sat down at the table beside her husband , put her hand on his , and looked at him . He had changed in the few weeks since they moved to Chestnut Ridge . His blue eyes shone bright surrounded by a face darkened from working in the sun . She held his rough hand on the table . When Clara returned home from her first date with John seven years earlier , her sister , seeing her skip up the drive , asked her about her suitor . " He has the strongest hands , " she had said . Clara admitted to her sister that hands were a strange reason to fall in love with someone , but " He makes me feel safe , " she said . From the back of the house , they heard the voice of Johnny . " We 'll be okay , " Clara said , standing up and kissing John on the forehead . He let go of her hand and watched her red hair fall to her chest as she stood upright . " Of course we will , " he said as she left the kitchen . John finished his cup and walked back across the property and through the woodlot between his land and Mr . Putnam 's place . If his daddy was right that Chestnut trees would get a family through a hard winter , it was neighbors who would get each other through every other hardship . He knocked on the door and Mr . Putnam stepped out with boots on , ready to work . After discussing the situation , John and Mr . Putnam walked and carefully measured the pasture , then did the same on Mr . Putnam 's land . Mr . Putnam did the math on the side of the barn , figuring just how many posts and rails would be needed for each job , then they inventoried the wood piled in Mr . Putnam 's field . If all they did was secure John 's main pasture , there would be enough wood to complete that and all the fencing Mr . Putnam wanted . They would fell another tree for the remaining work at John 's later . Mr . Putnam was older than John by a decade and a half , and had grown up on the property next door , inheriting it when his father passed away earlier that year . Like John 's property , the land had not been worked in many years , and his pasture was in similar shape - an overgrown , tangled mess . John knew Mr . Putnam 's first name was the same as his own , but John Putnam had been a supervisor at the foundry and John couldn 't bring himself to calling him anything but " mister . " As late in the season as it was , neither of them expected to find many nuts , but they took along a sack anyway . " Feels good to have that fence up , " John said . " But we need to pick out another tree to fell for fencing around the garden and for pig fencing . This one doesn 't have to be as big as the last one . " The two of them walked silently , hand in hand in hand towards the edge of the woods at the base of the ridge . " Remember the last time we walked the ridge ? " Clara asked as they neared the wood . September 25 , 1925 was day John and Clara were married . There was no money for a honeymoon in those days , so following the simple ceremony at Clara 's parent 's house , they did what they loved the most . They went chestnut hunting on the ridge . Throughout their courtship , early fall trips to Chestnut Ridge had been a tradition for the two of them . They would park in front of the abandoned farmhouse and spend entire days walking the ridge and gathering nuts , always ending the day with a picnic beneath the giant tree in front of the house . While enjoying their hard - earned sandwiches , they would dream of one day having a place like that for themselves . " One day I want to raise my boys out here on Chestnut Ridge , " he would say . " In house just like this one . " The only difference between their wedding day venture and so many previous trips - aside from being a little less worried about someone seeing them kiss - was the mason jar John opened after building a small fire for their picnic . He took a sip , and handed the jar to Clara who took a sniff and pushed it away from her face . " Where did you get this ? " she asked . It was well past dark when , finally , they made it home . Usually , they would take the time to spread out their harvest to cure for three or four days before putting it in the ice box , but neither of them was in the mood for work , and John put their brimming sacks in the closet by the wood stove . " We can deal with these later , " he said , leading Clara by the hand to the bedroom that the day before was his , but now belonged to the two of them . A few weeks later John came home from work to find Clara standing in the living room , looking puzzled , holding out her hand . " What are these little worms ? " she asked . " I found them in the living room . In her outstretched hand were four yellowish grubs about the size of fat grains of rice . " I don 't know , " John said . " Looks like fish bait to me . " Clara laughed , and tossed them outside . When finally they thought about the chestnuts , and opened the closet door , they found a mess . Something had hatched in the chestnut sacks , and eaten through every one of the nut , leaving behind bags full of mealy nuts , a mess of worm poop , and countless little grubs wriggling around the bag , the floor , the lower half of the walls . They cleaned up the mess , and dumped it in the compost . As they dumped the last of the nuts , John apologized to Clara . " I 'm sorry I didn 't dealt with these properly when we brought them in the house . They never should have been left in the closet . " Clara looked up at her husband and raised her eyebrows . " Have you forgotten that night , already ? " In 1930 , John lost his job at the foundry , and there was no work to be had in town . The Esserts were forced to make a change . A lot of men lost their jobs that year … a lot of families were struggling . But since the day they were married John and Clara had been putting money back . They had a nest egg gifted to the by Clara 's parents , and in five years they had added enough money to it , that when they heard the old clapboard house and some acres on the side of the ridge were for sale , they were ready . They didn 't even drive out to see the place . They simply met the seller at the bank , wrote a check , signed some papers , and started packing . As they walked home from the bank , John looked at Clara . " Can you believe we just bought our dream ? " " Something ain 't right , " he said . " That tree should still have leaves on it , and there should be some green burrs on the ground . I 'm afraid it 's dead . Can you believe that ? " " And the yard won 't be as big a mess without all those burrs , either . " Said John , looking for as many positives as he could . " And , we 'll have plenty of chestnuts out in the woods . Like Daddy always said , ' a family of four … " The forest floor was littered with old , brown burs like the ones in the yard , but none that looked to be that year 's crop . Even so , Johnny soon called out that he had found a nut and eagerly asked " Can I eat it ? " Sure , John told him . " You 're gonna like them a lot better roasted , but I used to eat them raw when I was a boy . " John dropped the remains of the nut , and Johnny scoured the ground for another chestnut . About fifty away , John saw a two - foot trunk . " This one is perfect , " He said . " And close to the edge of the words , so we can get the wagon close . " " Funny , I walked right through this patch of woods to get to Mr . Putnam 's place several times , and never even noticed that I was crossing a road . Looks like it used to go all the way from the main road to the top of the ridge . I wonder where it goes from there . " " A family of four with all the hogs in heaven can survive even the hardest winter on this ridge , as long as they have these chestnut trees . " John said , again , as he walked the pasture that April . " But what happens when there are no damn chestnut trees ? " Author jpfitzerPosted on November 24 , 2016Categories Chestnut Ridge , UncategorizedTags American Chestnut , Chestnut Blight , MoonshineLeave a comment on All the Hogs in Heaven Hull Go ! Take Two Below is a new draft of a piece I posted way back in June . I received some good feedbakc from readers , some of which I heeded , some I ignored and some that still has me scratching my head trying to figure it out . Let me know what you think about this rewrite . Thanks ! The late afternoon sun had peaked and was resting a brief spell before falling over the western rim of the River Gorge . Two young boys , one a head taller than the other , stood facing each other under the canopy of a giant tree just north of the small gray log cabin . Over the boys ' heads , bright green , oblong leaves , tapered to sharp points and edged with delicate barbs drooped from limbs several feet out of reach . Beneath their bare feet , the shaded ground was heavily littered with years of debris from the tree , contrasting the rest of the yard that was dominated by plantain , dandelion , and scattered clumps of grasses kept knocked down by a sling blade . Between the house and the river , a fall garden was still producing a few collards and some winter squash . On the lee side of the house , a lonely , narrow dirt road with no name passed by . Beyond the road , a dense wood grew up a steep escarpment to the vast craggy plateau beyond . The shorter boy , Jimmy , who was three years younger than his cousin , waited for him to finish whatever it was he was yelling at him . Everything in the River Gorge was new , strange , and sudden to Jimmy including whatever Kimball was yelling , and the confusion of it all left him overflowing with emotions he didn 't recognize . Several times that day , he hadn 't known whether to cry , scream , or run . Each time he managed exactly what he did now - he stood and waited for something to either change or make sense . He wasn 't frightened or uncomfortable with his cousin or his surroundings . To the contrary , he felt a certain comfort in having a companion who was not an adult , but not as young as he was , either , and Jimmy knew he would be lost without him . " Hull go ! " Kimball yelled again . The boys looked like they could be brothers - both had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes but Kimball 's hair was shaggy , unlike the close cut worn by Jimmy . Along with the height Kimball had on Jimmy , he was significantly broader in the shoulders , and more muscular . Perhaps the biggest difference between their appearances , however , was their skin . Kimball 's hands were calloused and rough , his feet toughened from summers running barefoot around the cabin and the woods of the River Gorge . He was weathered . On his right forearm was a long , jagged scar about which Jimmy had not yet found the courage to ask . Without a shirt , Kimball 's deeply tanned arms , neck , and face contrasted his white torso . Jimmy , by comparison , was pale , soft , and weak . Jimmy looked at Kimball 's cupped hands and wondered what he was hiding - some captured critter , a frog perhaps , or a lizard , or if maybe a secret treasure . Either way , he wished he would stop yelling at him and just show him what he was hiding . His words " Hull go " made no sense , and he didn 't know how to respond . As difficult as his first day in the gorge had been , at least he spoke the same language as his cousin . Now he wasn 't even sure of that , and he felt himself breaking . He did not want to cry in front of his cousin . When Kimball saw Jimmy 's upper lip beginning to quiver , he remembered the serious talk his parents had with him the night before about this new family member . " Everything will be new for him here , " Mama had said , " and it 's up to you to make him feel at home , to be extra nice to him , to be his teacher . He 's more than a cousin now . He 's your brother , and he has been through more than you can imagine . You have a big responsibility , Kim . " Kimball knew Mama meant business when she addressed him as Kim . She reserved the shortened name for serious talks - grown - up talks , and right then , standing before his new brother who was on the verge of tears , Kimball knew it was time for him to be more grown - up than ever . " When I say ' hull go , ' you 're supposed to guess how many nuts I have in my hand . If you get it right , you get the nuts . That 's how the game works . Since you didn 't know that , you can have them this time , " he offered . Jimmy sniffled and wiped his eyes , then opened his hands . Kimball dropped the nuts into his shaking palms , one of them tumbling over his fingers , onto the ground . He quickly knelt to pick it up , looking nervously at Kimball , afraid he might have done something wrong . " It 's okay if you drop them , " Kimball said gently . " You can 't hurt them . You try it now . Hide some nuts in your hand and when you say , ' Hull go , ' I 'll try to guess how many you have . " Kimball knelt down and very gingerly picked up an oddly - shaped , somewhat bulbous , spiky brown and green ball , about the size of his fist . There were many other balls like it among the leaf litter and twigs on the ground beneath the tree . Some were closed up tight , others had slight openings . Even more were split wide open into four lobes connected in the middle , resembling a thick , woody flower . On the inside , they were a light cream color and reminded Jimmy of dogwood petals - soft and inviting compared to the protective outer shell that more resembled a cactus . Looking at the spiked exterior , he made a mental note to never step on one barefoot . Kimball flipped over the one he had collected , and carefully pried it open to reveal three shiny nuts just like the ones Jimmy had tucked in his right front pocket . He turned it over , and the nuts dropped onto the ground . He picked two of them up and handed them to Jimmy , added to his growing treasure . For twenty minutes they called numbers , and traded nuts back and forth . Eventually , when both of them had big piles of nuts on the ground in front of them , Jimmy asked the question he had been thinking the whole time . " What are they ? " " A fungus . The Sheriff says its from China and it 's gonna kill all the porcupine trees . He said that the ones up north was already dead , and it was just a matter of time before it comes here . Papa don 't know what he 's gonna do when them trees is gone . That 's what I heard him tell the Sheriff . " Jimmy picked up one of the nuts and stared at it intently for a moment , then put it in his left pocket , away from the rest . If Kimball had asked why he separated that one from the rest , Jimmy would have been unable to articulate his thoughts , or maybe he would have been too embarrassed to articulate them . But for some reason , he felt a need to protect one nut from whatever that thing China was sending after it . Or , maybe , he just needed to protect something - anything . Jimmy didn 't understand that need but , at least for the moment , it was being met . The boys stuffed their pockets with the bounty of nuts they had collected and ran toward the cabin . Papa was already seated at the small , square table in the middle of the room when they came inside . A single oil lamp in the middle of the table provided ample light for the room that wasn 't big enough for much more than the table and four chairs , a small wood stove , and a few shelves with just enough pots and dishes . Opposite the stove , a stone fireplace that had provided both heat and open flame for cooking before the stove came , and still provided some heat in the winter . On the far wall , a simple ladder went through a hole in the plank ceiling to the sleeping loft . A narrow doorway next to the ladder led to a recently added bedroom for Kimball 's parents , leaving the loft for their son , and now for Jimmy too . Though small and sparse , the cabin was solid and well - chinked . The floor didn 't creak as the boys stepped inside . Kimball turned out his pockets , dumping his nuts into a basket by the door . Jimmy followed suit , keeping the one nut safely tucked away in his left pocket . " Is that right … " Papa chuckled . " Well you better keep an eye on that Kimball . You win a few games against him and get comfortable , then he turns around and wins all your nuts before you know what hit you . " " Ah , " said Papa . " Porcupine nuts , " he clarified with a wink . " We 'll roast porcupine nuts , Jimmy , and you 're gonna love them . " " Tomorrow , we 'll cross the river , and gather chest … uh , porcupine nuts up on Chestnut Ridge . That 's where the big trees are . Have you ever been in a boat , Jimmy ? " " Well tomorrow will be another first for you , then . Just wait ' til you see the trees up there . Some of those trees are so tall you can 't see the top of them , and they are loaded with nuts . " " You heard your Papa , " Mama said . " And you have more important things to worry about , like eating this pigeon . " Mama brought a cast iron dutch oven from the stove and set it on a mat in the middle of the small table , then took off the lid . Thick steam curled around the lid as she pulled it away , and with it , the rich smell of pigeon breast and potatoes escaped from the big black pot . As they dug into their meal , the boys told Mama and Papa all about their day exploring the woods behind the cabin . Jimmy tried to remember all the things he had learned . He recollected that poison ivy had three leaves and some red in the middle , and the vine was hairy , and how Kimball showed him where the raccoons live in the oak tree . " And Kimball showed me the where the older berries grow down by the river , " he said , " but there ain 't none left this year . We 'll have to wait ' til next spring , if the birds don 't get them first . " " That 's okay , " said Papa . " Out here in The Gorge , Jimmy , people have to find ways to make a living however they can , and sometimes that means doing things the law doesn 't approve of . Your Uncle Buddy was just finding his way , in his own way . " My Papa told me about him , " said Jimmy . " He told me that Uncle Buddy didn 't deserve to be in jail . He said his liquor wasn 't good enough to get arrested for and that if he had made the good stuff and sold it to the white folks he wouldn 't have been arrested . Papa said that he only got in trouble cause he was selling to the negroes . That 's what Papa said . " " Well , your Papa was probably right about that but , deserved or not , that 's where he ended up , and we 're gonna make sure we don 't end up there with him . That 's why tomorrow we 're gonna fill that boat up with porcupine nuts and after we cure them , we 'll take them to town and sell them at the curb market . The law don 't mind us selling porcupine nuts . " When the pie was dispatched , the boys loaded up the dishes in a basket and walked back to the spring where first they washed the dishes , then washed themselves . Kimball bit his tongue and did not say anything more about the infamy of that spring , nor did he point out the galvanized tank a little farther into the woods with all the hatchet holes in it . There would be time for more of Uncle Buddy 's story later . It was bedtime when they walked back to the house , and climbed up to the loft . Kimball was exhausted from a full day of exploring and teaching his cousin . Jimmy was exhausted from the weight of the world . " Do you miss your Papa ? " Kimball whispered in the dark . " Mama said I shouldn 't bring up your Papa , but I figure you might want to talk about it . You don 't have to . " Jimmy didn 't say anything more , but he knew he was lucky to have another Papa . After the funeral , Miss Caroline had told him that it would be okay to start calling his uncle " Papa " that his own Papa would understand . But Jimmy wasn 't ready for that . Not yet . Jimmy laid on his back in the dark . The quiet of the gorge was new to him and it made him feel even lonelier . He closed his eyes and pictured the small house he lived in with his Papa and Miss Caroline . He had his own room there , with a window that faced the neighbor 's house . At night he would hear dogs barking in the neighborhood , and sometimes he would wake up to the sound of men stumbling home late from a poker game or one of the speakeasies that had opened in the couple years since they made liquor illegal . He wondered why anybody would want to drink something that made them loud and unsteady , and why his Uncle Buddy was willing to take the risk he did to make it . He thought Miss Caroline made sense when she said that prohibition was a good thing . She said nothing ever came to no good when a man takes to drinking . His Papa didn 't agree with his wife , but he didn 't argue with her . In the four years she was married to his Papa , he never called Miss Caroline his Mama , even though he knew she wanted him to . He liked her alright , and he knew his Papa loved her , but she never felt like his Mama . Jimmy was only four when his Mama died giving birth to his little sister who died a few hours later . His Papa married Miss Caroline a year after that . And now his Papa was dead too . Nobody asked Jimmy what he wanted to do . After the funeral , he was told by Miss Caroline that he would be living with his Aunt , Uncle and Cousin in the River Gorge and that was that . His Uncle Tom and Aunt Dorothy were dropped off in town by Mr . Selma who lived farther back in the gorge . They drove back to The Gorge in his Papa 's Ford . Miss Caroline had made sure all Jimmy 's things were packed in the trunk before they arrived , and goodbyes were short . He was standing at home plate , looking out at the field . The sun was bright overhead and he pulled his hat down to shade his eyes . His Papa stood on the mound wearing a gray uniform with a red 34 on his chest . Beyond the diamond an outfielder with shaggy blond hair stood beneath a giant tree . The tree 's limbs were loaded with spiky green balls that weren 't quite round and were stitched together with red laces . The outfielder picked a ball from the tree and threw it to his Papa who held it in his glove for a long time before leaning forward and staring intently at the catcher . He shook his head once , then shook it again , then nodded . Then he wound up , and hurled the strange ball toward him . The ball corkscrewed through the air in slow motion , headed straight toward the middle of the plate , waist high . No matter how hard he tried , Jimmy couldn 't swing the bat . His arms felt like they were being held down , pinned to his sides by an invisible force . As the ball reached the plate , it opened up into a white flower , spinning like a pinwheel . From the middle of the flower , three nuts spiraled out over the plate . The flower gradually slowed and floated to the ground between his feet . " Strike one , strike two , strike three … Hull Go ! You 're out ! " Jimmy turned to look at the umpire who had just called him out on one pitch . The umpire , a porcupine dressed in black and white striped pajamas , looked over the catcher 's shoulder . The catcher opened his glove and three tiny pink porcupines crawled out of the glove , up the catcher 's arm , and down his back . The umpire knelt down and opened a pouch in the front of his pajamas . The tiny porcupines jumped in . The catcher pulled off the pajamas and left them piled on the plate , then scurried across the diamond and out to the tree in center field . He climbed up the trunk until he came to a large round hole where an old limb had broken off , and disappeared inside . Jimmy looked around . The sun was gone and a quarter moon dimly lit a suddenly empty field . He was the only one there . He picked up the striped pajamas from the plate and put them on . From somewhere up in the tree , a whippoorwill called out its own name . He searched for the bird in the canopy , but the song seemed to come from everywhere at once . He didn 't know where to look . When the bird stopped calling , the baseball field was gone and he was standing in the middle of a dense forest in his striped pajamas . There was just enough moonlight coming through the trees for him to find his way and he started walking , but the ground was littered with the spiked hulls of porcupine eggs that pierced his bare feet . He sat down , leaned against a tree , and began to cry . A hairy vine growing up the tree was soft against his face , and he nuzzled against it and closed his eyes . Kimball was already out of bed and downstairs when Jimmy woke up and climbed down the ladder . " Papa 's loading the boat . There 's a biscuit on the table for you , " Kimball said . " Mama packed a lunch for us . Come on ! Papa 's waiting ! " Jimmy grabbed the biscuit off the table and the two boys ran out the door and down to the river where Papa was standing in the back of the boat holding onto the sixteen - food pole that would propel them across the river . They stepped into the front of the boat and sat down beside each other on a wooden bench . " Hold on ! " called Papa . " We 're shoving off ! " There wasn 't much to hold onto in the front of the boat , plus Jimmy had a biscuit in his hand . Kimball laughed . " Papa just likes to say that , so we 'll think there 's danger . Ain 't nothing to worry about . " Jimmy looked up and down a river that was mostly shrouded in a low , dense fog like clouds floating on the current . The boat slid softly across the water , a cloud swirling behind it . He took a bite out of his biscuit , and reached down with his left hand to feel a single porcupine nut in his left hip pocket . Author jpfitzerPosted on November 22 , 2016Categories Chestnut Ridge , UncategorizedTags American Chestnut , NovelLeave a comment on Hull Go ! Take Two The Sore - eye Bird A while back I posted a chapter from the book I am working on and received some great feedback - some of which I am still wrestling with . Here is another chapter draft . Please let me know what you think . Any and all feedback is welcome from simple typos to major issues . Thanks ! I have been working on the book a lot this month , and hope to put some more pieces out there for your perusal soon , so please check back often . If you like it , feel free to share it with others . The more readers , the better . " Birds are about to migrate , " Kimball said with all the authority a newly - minted thirteen year old could muster . " The leaves on the poplars are the size of squirrel 's ears . We 're right on time . " Up to this point , Jimmy believed everything his cousin told him , and why wouldn 't he ? All winter his cousin had taught him volumes about the forest and river , but giants pushed his trust . " There 's no such thing as giants , " he argued confidently . Kimball knew that bringing up Me - maw would give his claim a special gravity . Me - maw ( or Ms . Olive , as she was known by all the folks in the Gorge who weren 't kin ) was a legend up and down the gorge and on both sides of Chestnut Ridge , and Jimmy was envious that Kimball had known her . Me - Maw passed away when Kimball was four years old , but he had heard so many stories about her , that he honestly thought he had known her personally . Her face , her long silver hair , her gentle voice were as clear to him as his memories of swimming in the river last summer . That 's the way memories are when you 're thirteen . There were more stories about Me - maw than there were stories in the Bible , and folks said she knew stuff nobody else knew . Mama told them that her grandmother - in - law was part Indian , though nobody knew what " kind of Indian " she was , and that the stories she told were passed down through many generations . " You can 't find that kind of wisdom in books , or in school , " she told her son . " That is the wisdom of the elders . " Jimmy leaned in , as Kimball continued . " Giants use the river like we use roads , " He said . They travel the rivers because if they traveled on land , they would leave footprints and then people could track them . There aren 't very many giants left so they have to be extra careful not to be found out by people . " " You don 't need to worry , " Kimball reassured him . " They won 't come out until after we are asleep , and even when they do , they don 't want to hurt you . They will be busy talking to the trees . If you wake up in the middle of the night , you might hear them , but it will be dark . You won 't see them . " " They wake them up . The trees fall asleep for the winter , and if nobody wakes them up , there won 't be no spring . That 's why it 's important that we leave the giants alone and don 't bother them . We don 't know the language of the trees . Nobody does . Only the giants know . They sound kinda like pine trees in the wind . You know , squeaks and stuff like that . I heard them for the first time when I was your age . Papa told me what it was . He said that Me - maw 's daddy could understand what they were saying but that there ain 't nobody around now who still knows the language . Papa says that the maple trees wake up first . You 'll see in the morning … if they come tonight . " The boys stayed awake as late as they could , bundled in blankets beneath their little a - frame shelter strung between trees . Several times Jimmy heard noises and asked Kimball if it was giants , but the elder cousin explained each noise as it came - an owl hooting , a deer heading to the river for a drink of water , a raccoon digging for grubs , a flying squirrel landing on the ground . He had answers for everything and Jimmy felt safe as long as he had such a woods - wise companion . The morning was cold , and the two adventurers stayed in their blankets until the sun hit the top of the west rim . Kimball got up first and piled twigs and leaves where the fire had been the night before . A hard breath revealed orange coals beneath the grey ashes and soon a small flame emerged . Jimmy watched all this from his woolen cocoon until the fire appears to have enough heat to ward off the chill . Kimball was unwrapping a small loaf of bread when Kimball walked up the fire and leaned in , rubbing his hands together for warmth . Kimball reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of cheese wrapped in wax paper , and made two crude open - face sandwiches out of torn chunks of bread and cheese . " Breakfast ? " " As the giants wake up the maple trees , the sore - eye birds follow the red , " said Kimball . That 's how they know where to go . You know about the sore - eye birds , right ? " Kimball asked , knowing that his cousin did not . " Well , that is because nobody got him a feather from the sore - eye bird . Mama told me that Me - maw taught her that if you take a feather from a sore - eye bird , soak it in water , then bathe your eyes in the water , you 'll be cured of all that . Now that the giants woke up the maple trees , the sore - eye birds should be here . All we have to do is find one , and we can cure Papa of his allergies . " " It 's easy . We listen . Mama said that sometimes the sore - eye bird sounds like a robin with a sore throat . Other times it says chick - burr , chick - burr . We 'll find a good spot in the woods for listening , and when it calls , we 'll follow it 's voice . " They walked further into the woods until they came to the old road . Beyond the road , the ground became steep , and Kimball decided a road would be a good place to listen , so they sat down . Jimmy looked north , Kimball looked south , and they listened . It seemed like all the winter birds were singing that morning , and Kimball identified with authority the few he recognized . A white - throated sparrow called for Mister Peabody , a wren said teakettle , teakettle , teakettle , and a chick - a - dee said his own name over and over . There were many more birds Kimball didn 't recognized , and whenever Jimmy would ask him what they were , Jimmy would either pretend he didn 't hear him , hold up his hand to be quiet because he was listening hard at the moment , or change the subject to something that suddenly seemed very important , like wondering if skunks could climb trees or if giants were afraid of daylight . Kimball was unsure what a robin with a sore throat sounded like , but he listened closely , and when a lot of birds were singing at once , he proclaimed , " There it is , the sore - eye bird . " Jimmy asked which one of the many songs heard was the sore - eye bird , but Kimball never seemed to hear it again . Kimball was , however , certain that the song came from the north , and he confidently led the search party in that direction . " The sore - eye bird is bright red with black wings , " Kimball said . " Keep on the lookout . " And look , Jimmy did . He scanned the treetops , turning his head in search of every bird he heard . Being early in the spring , the leaves on the trees were tiny , so the canopy afforded good bird watching . After a few minutes of waling down the over - grown old road , Jimmy pointed to a flash of red high in the canopy . " Is that it ? " he asked . Kimball looked up to see to see the bright red bird high in a poplar tree . Jimmy smiled broadly , proud of his discovery . Kimball looked at the slingshot in his left hand , and sat down on a rock . " We 'll have to wait for it to come down . Keep your eye on it . " Kimball was trying to maintain an air of authority and confidence , but secretly he was hoping the bird would disappear . He had never shot at a bird with his slingshot , and the couple squirrels he had tried to shoot were missed by a foot or more . He looked away from the bird , leaving the responsibility for tracking it on his inexperienced young companion . " There is goes . " said Jimmy . " Let 's go ! " The sore - eye bird was on the move , flying away from the river and up the steep slope . The boys followed , clamoring over the boulders and scree that covered the hillside . The bright feathers of the sore - eye bird stood out in a forest whose young leaves were just beginning to pop out . As the boys stayed on the trail , climbing higher and higher , the sore - eye bird stayed out of reach until half - way up the slope the land leveled off onto a shelf . Ahead of them , a shear bluff would prevent them from climbing higher , but they wouldn 't have to . To their right , a spring seeped from the base of the bluff and flowed into a small pond . The sore - eye bird swooped down over the water and landed on the very top of a small elder berry bush at the edge of the water , not fifteen feet away . Slowly , Kimball reached in his pocket and pulled out one of several small , smooth pebbles he had collected from the river . He loaded his slingshot , extended his left arm , and with his right hand pulled back the letter thong that held the rock . Looking down the stretched rubber cords , he took aim and , just as the sore - eye bird began to sing a raspy , flute - like song like a robin with a sore throat , he closed his eyes and released . When Kimball opened his eyes , Jimmy was already standing over the most beautiful bird - perhaps the most beautiful animal - he had ever seen , dead on the forest floor . Kimball was shocked . Jimmy was awestruck . Both were saddened . Neither spoke . A couple hours later they tied the boat off at the dock , unloaded their gear , and walked up to the cabin . Mama , who had seen them coming , was heating soup on the wood stove . " How was your adventure ? " she asked as the boys dropped their bedrolls and approached the stove . " Did you hear the giants ? " Neither of the sullen boys acknowledged the question . Kimball reached in his bag and pulled out an odd little package . Through wax paper , the bright red and stark black of the sore - eye bird were as muted and dull as he felt inside . He didn 't understand why doing such a good thing for his Papa felt so bad . Slowly he unwrapped the now stiff contents as his Mama looked on with furrowed brow . " What happened ? Did you find him in the woods ? " she asked , genuinely confused . Finally , Kimball managed two weak words . " I 'm sorry , " he said in a high , broken voice . The three of them sat down on the hearth , backs to the stove , Mama in the middle , arms around the two crying boys . She could have told her boys that all they were supposed to bring back was a feather , and that it should be a gift from the bird . She could have said that , according to Me - Maw , killing a bird that provides medicine brings about the illness it cures . She could have told him that his Me - maw 's name , Olive , meant peace . There were many things she could have said , but didn 't . Instead , she sat silently with Kimball and Jimmy until all the tears were drained from their eyes , then she served soup which they ate in silence . " Well , your Me - maw was a very smart and very loved woman , Jimmy . And wise . But the two things I admired most about her were her calm spirit and her never ending thirst for knowledge . If anything ever upset her , she never showed it . And if she wasn 't helping somebody with their ailment , their injury , or their emotional problem , she was studying the plants and animals of the gorge . " " That is a good question , Jimmy . A lot of people wondered that . Your Me - maw spent countless days walking deep into the gorge , and sometimes climbing out of the gorge to the plateau . She never took anybody with her , and nobody knew exactly where she went , but she always came back with new herbs , roots , or recipes . Some people thought she met with an old medicine woman somewhere on the plateau who stayed behind when the native people were driven off . Other people suggested that she took magic herbs and had visions while she was on her walks . " The look on Jimmy 's face was serious and inquisitive . To Dorothy , her nephew looked like for the first time in the five months since he moved in with them , his focus was entirely on the moment , and not distracted by thoughts of his father . She tousled his hair that had not been cut since his arrival in the gorge and had become quite shaggy . " No , tell me more about Me - maw . What do you think she was doing on those walks . Kimball told me that you have her journals and they have all of her secrets . " Just below the redbud tree at the northeast corner of the property , about ten feet fro , the river bank , Kimball stopped . " Right here , " he said matter - of - factly . " This is the right place . " He took the handle of the shovel with his left and hand and reached toward Jimmy with his right , gently handing over the little red corpse . The soil by the river was rich and soft and Kimball had an appropriate hole dug with only five or six easy shovelfuls . Jimmy then handed him the still - wrapped bird , and Kimball carefully opened the paper and lifted it out . " I guess we 'll have to find a feather for Papa 's eyes somewhere else , " he said somberly . " Only if you want to . I think what you feel is more important than what you say . I think that might be what Me - maw would say . " |
Tag : American Chestnut All the Hogs in Heaven This is a new draft of a chapter I began many months ago . It has gone through some serious changes and I expect it to be pretty rough , but I hope some folks will read it and give me early feedback . Thanks ! Through a broad smile , John 's breath formed a cloud before him as he stepped off the porch of his little farmhouse on a late November morning . He paused to survey the scene . Directly in front of him , halfway between the house the narrow dirt road , stood a nearly six - foot diameter stump - evidence of his recent labors . As he looked at the fresh cut tree surrounded by sawdust , he opened and closed his strong hands and felt the blisters formed beneath already tough skin . Felling , sawing , and splitting took a different toll on both muscles and palms than the work he had done in the foundry , and he was feeling it . He straightened his back and shoulders , flexing his sore muscles . To his left , roughly 1000 feet north along the road , he could just see the roof of the old barn on the corner of the property . Between the small yard he had cleared around the house and the barn , was a tangle of blackberry and young eastern red cedars , with occasional patches of waist high brown grass and flower stalks . Using scythe , machete , and hatchet he had cleared a perimeter path around the north two - thirds of the property forming a rectangle roughly 800 feet by 550 feet . This would be the fence line for the main pasture . On three sides , the path was narrow - just enough room to work . Along the Eastern border , along off the road , the path was wide enough for a team to pull a wagon , and there were already worn tracks from all the trips he had made to and from the tree stump and the barn . A flock of juncos flushed from the lane as he started out . A white - throated sparrow called from somewhere in the edge of the blackberry Mis - ter Peabody , peabody , peabody … it sang . " I sure wish Daddy could see this , " he said aloud . It was always his father 's wish that his son would be on Chestnut Ridge , and now he was . The land he grew up on was a few miles north of there , closer to town , but this was , in many ways better land that the property his father was forced to sell late in life . There was a year round sep on the ridge above the south end of the pasture that he hoped would one - day feed a pond , and this part of the ridge had a lot more chestnut trees than the old home place . Looking at the ridge bordering the west side of the property and the giant trees on the steep slope , John remembered the words of his father so many years ago as they gathered chestnuts on the other end of the ridge . " Son , " he had said , " Listen to me close , and remember what I say . A family of four with all the hogs in heaven can survive even the hardest winter on this ridge , as long as they have these chestnut trees . " John 's daddy had a flair for the dramatic , especially when he talked about the life he loved out there on Chestnut Ridge . " Them trees is a gift from God ! " He declared time and time again . That November had been " the month of the axe " for John . For three and half weeks , he worked on the big tree in front of the house . First , he climbed the giant chestnut tree and took off what limbs he could using a hand saw . Later , with the help of Mr . Putnam , he felled it perfectly parallel to the road . John and Mr . Putnam cleaned up the remaining limbs , cutting them into logs for the wood stove , then they measured and cut the long trunk to the proper lengths for posts and rails , which they finally split . They never took time to count but John reckoned they must have split three thousand rails out of that trunk and who knows how many hundreds of posts . For his help , Mr . Putnam took all the posts and rails he wanted for his neighboring property . The rest of it was piled on the north side of the barn , underneath the shed next to the wagon . John planned on laying out the posts that morning before walking over to Mr . Putnam 's place . They had agreed to build John 's fence first so he could get the livestock - especially the goats that would work on clearing the blackberry . He stopped at the near end of the barn and swung open the doors to the horse stalls . Founder was fidgeting in her stall , ready to get to work . Sally , as always , stood calmly , munching on some hay . " I 'll get you ladies hooked up in a minute , " John said , scratching Sally 's cheek . " It 's gonna be a beautiful day . " Founder nodded her head and whinnied as if either agreeing with John 's prediction or trying to hurry him along . " Hold tight , Founder , It won 't be long . " He walked back outside and around the barn to the right . When he saw the wagon tongue and front wheels sticking out from the shed , he picked up his pace . " Putnam must have used the wagon yesterday , " he said . When he reached the corner and looked under the shed , he stopped . Turning around , he looked out towards the overgrown pasture , then ran around the barn to search both ways up and down the road . The simple wooden gate at the head of the short drive was not latched and swung halfway open . Where the lane dipped just before the road , a single chestnut post lay in the grass . John picked up the post and walked back to the shed . He scratched his head as he looked down at the bare ground . That post in his hands was the only piece of chestnut left . The rest of it , every single stick , was gone . He stared at the ground with his hands in his pockets . When the pigs arrived , they could be turned into the woods for mast , but if he was to have goats working on clearing the pasture , they would require a fence . Founder neighed . " Sit tight , girl . I 'm afraid it might e a little while , now , " he called through the barn door . " Ready for a cup already ? " She asked . " Johnny is sleeping . I thought I would get him up in a little bit and bring a pot out there to you . Where is Mr . Putnam ? You didn 't leave him out there to work without you … " Clara poured a cup of coffee and waited patiently for her husband to explain himself . His brow was furrowed and his lips pursed . He tugged at the skin on his Adam 's apple . She added cream to the cup and handed it to her husband without saying anything . Clara sat down at the table beside her husband , put her hand on his , and looked at him . He had changed in the few weeks since they moved to Chestnut Ridge . His blue eyes shone bright surrounded by a face darkened from working in the sun . She held his rough hand on the table . When Clara returned home from her first date with John seven years earlier , her sister , seeing her skip up the drive , asked her about her suitor . " He has the strongest hands , " she had said . Clara admitted to her sister that hands were a strange reason to fall in love with someone , but " He makes me feel safe , " she said . From the back of the house , they heard the voice of Johnny . " We 'll be okay , " Clara said , standing up and kissing John on the forehead . He let go of her hand and watched her red hair fall to her chest as she stood upright . " Of course we will , " he said as she left the kitchen . John finished his cup and walked back across the property and through the woodlot between his land and Mr . Putnam 's place . If his daddy was right that Chestnut trees would get a family through a hard winter , it was neighbors who would get each other through every other hardship . He knocked on the door and Mr . Putnam stepped out with boots on , ready to work . After discussing the situation , John and Mr . Putnam walked and carefully measured the pasture , then did the same on Mr . Putnam 's land . Mr . Putnam did the math on the side of the barn , figuring just how many posts and rails would be needed for each job , then they inventoried the wood piled in Mr . Putnam 's field . If all they did was secure John 's main pasture , there would be enough wood to complete that and all the fencing Mr . Putnam wanted . They would fell another tree for the remaining work at John 's later . Mr . Putnam was older than John by a decade and a half , and had grown up on the property next door , inheriting it when his father passed away earlier that year . Like John 's property , the land had not been worked in many years , and his pasture was in similar shape - an overgrown , tangled mess . John knew Mr . Putnam 's first name was the same as his own , but John Putnam had been a supervisor at the foundry and John couldn 't bring himself to calling him anything but " mister . " As late in the season as it was , neither of them expected to find many nuts , but they took along a sack anyway . " Feels good to have that fence up , " John said . " But we need to pick out another tree to fell for fencing around the garden and for pig fencing . This one doesn 't have to be as big as the last one . " The two of them walked silently , hand in hand in hand towards the edge of the woods at the base of the ridge . " Remember the last time we walked the ridge ? " Clara asked as they neared the wood . September 25 , 1925 was day John and Clara were married . There was no money for a honeymoon in those days , so following the simple ceremony at Clara 's parent 's house , they did what they loved the most . They went chestnut hunting on the ridge . Throughout their courtship , early fall trips to Chestnut Ridge had been a tradition for the two of them . They would park in front of the abandoned farmhouse and spend entire days walking the ridge and gathering nuts , always ending the day with a picnic beneath the giant tree in front of the house . While enjoying their hard - earned sandwiches , they would dream of one day having a place like that for themselves . " One day I want to raise my boys out here on Chestnut Ridge , " he would say . " In house just like this one . " The only difference between their wedding day venture and so many previous trips - aside from being a little less worried about someone seeing them kiss - was the mason jar John opened after building a small fire for their picnic . He took a sip , and handed the jar to Clara who took a sniff and pushed it away from her face . " Where did you get this ? " she asked . It was well past dark when , finally , they made it home . Usually , they would take the time to spread out their harvest to cure for three or four days before putting it in the ice box , but neither of them was in the mood for work , and John put their brimming sacks in the closet by the wood stove . " We can deal with these later , " he said , leading Clara by the hand to the bedroom that the day before was his , but now belonged to the two of them . A few weeks later John came home from work to find Clara standing in the living room , looking puzzled , holding out her hand . " What are these little worms ? " she asked . " I found them in the living room . In her outstretched hand were four yellowish grubs about the size of fat grains of rice . " I don 't know , " John said . " Looks like fish bait to me . " Clara laughed , and tossed them outside . When finally they thought about the chestnuts , and opened the closet door , they found a mess . Something had hatched in the chestnut sacks , and eaten through every one of the nut , leaving behind bags full of mealy nuts , a mess of worm poop , and countless little grubs wriggling around the bag , the floor , the lower half of the walls . They cleaned up the mess , and dumped it in the compost . As they dumped the last of the nuts , John apologized to Clara . " I 'm sorry I didn 't dealt with these properly when we brought them in the house . They never should have been left in the closet . " Clara looked up at her husband and raised her eyebrows . " Have you forgotten that night , already ? " In 1930 , John lost his job at the foundry , and there was no work to be had in town . The Esserts were forced to make a change . A lot of men lost their jobs that year … a lot of families were struggling . But since the day they were married John and Clara had been putting money back . They had a nest egg gifted to the by Clara 's parents , and in five years they had added enough money to it , that when they heard the old clapboard house and some acres on the side of the ridge were for sale , they were ready . They didn 't even drive out to see the place . They simply met the seller at the bank , wrote a check , signed some papers , and started packing . As they walked home from the bank , John looked at Clara . " Can you believe we just bought our dream ? " " Something ain 't right , " he said . " That tree should still have leaves on it , and there should be some green burrs on the ground . I 'm afraid it 's dead . Can you believe that ? " " And the yard won 't be as big a mess without all those burrs , either . " Said John , looking for as many positives as he could . " And , we 'll have plenty of chestnuts out in the woods . Like Daddy always said , ' a family of four … " The forest floor was littered with old , brown burs like the ones in the yard , but none that looked to be that year 's crop . Even so , Johnny soon called out that he had found a nut and eagerly asked " Can I eat it ? " Sure , John told him . " You 're gonna like them a lot better roasted , but I used to eat them raw when I was a boy . " John dropped the remains of the nut , and Johnny scoured the ground for another chestnut . About fifty away , John saw a two - foot trunk . " This one is perfect , " He said . " And close to the edge of the words , so we can get the wagon close . " " Funny , I walked right through this patch of woods to get to Mr . Putnam 's place several times , and never even noticed that I was crossing a road . Looks like it used to go all the way from the main road to the top of the ridge . I wonder where it goes from there . " " A family of four with all the hogs in heaven can survive even the hardest winter on this ridge , as long as they have these chestnut trees . " John said , again , as he walked the pasture that April . " But what happens when there are no damn chestnut trees ? " Author jpfitzerPosted on November 24 , 2016Categories Chestnut Ridge , UncategorizedTags American Chestnut , Chestnut Blight , MoonshineLeave a comment on All the Hogs in Heaven Hull Go ! Take Two Below is a new draft of a piece I posted way back in June . I received some good feedbakc from readers , some of which I heeded , some I ignored and some that still has me scratching my head trying to figure it out . Let me know what you think about this rewrite . Thanks ! The late afternoon sun had peaked and was resting a brief spell before falling over the western rim of the River Gorge . Two young boys , one a head taller than the other , stood facing each other under the canopy of a giant tree just north of the small gray log cabin . Over the boys ' heads , bright green , oblong leaves , tapered to sharp points and edged with delicate barbs drooped from limbs several feet out of reach . Beneath their bare feet , the shaded ground was heavily littered with years of debris from the tree , contrasting the rest of the yard that was dominated by plantain , dandelion , and scattered clumps of grasses kept knocked down by a sling blade . Between the house and the river , a fall garden was still producing a few collards and some winter squash . On the lee side of the house , a lonely , narrow dirt road with no name passed by . Beyond the road , a dense wood grew up a steep escarpment to the vast craggy plateau beyond . The shorter boy , Jimmy , who was three years younger than his cousin , waited for him to finish whatever it was he was yelling at him . Everything in the River Gorge was new , strange , and sudden to Jimmy including whatever Kimball was yelling , and the confusion of it all left him overflowing with emotions he didn 't recognize . Several times that day , he hadn 't known whether to cry , scream , or run . Each time he managed exactly what he did now - he stood and waited for something to either change or make sense . He wasn 't frightened or uncomfortable with his cousin or his surroundings . To the contrary , he felt a certain comfort in having a companion who was not an adult , but not as young as he was , either , and Jimmy knew he would be lost without him . " Hull go ! " Kimball yelled again . The boys looked like they could be brothers - both had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes but Kimball 's hair was shaggy , unlike the close cut worn by Jimmy . Along with the height Kimball had on Jimmy , he was significantly broader in the shoulders , and more muscular . Perhaps the biggest difference between their appearances , however , was their skin . Kimball 's hands were calloused and rough , his feet toughened from summers running barefoot around the cabin and the woods of the River Gorge . He was weathered . On his right forearm was a long , jagged scar about which Jimmy had not yet found the courage to ask . Without a shirt , Kimball 's deeply tanned arms , neck , and face contrasted his white torso . Jimmy , by comparison , was pale , soft , and weak . Jimmy looked at Kimball 's cupped hands and wondered what he was hiding - some captured critter , a frog perhaps , or a lizard , or if maybe a secret treasure . Either way , he wished he would stop yelling at him and just show him what he was hiding . His words " Hull go " made no sense , and he didn 't know how to respond . As difficult as his first day in the gorge had been , at least he spoke the same language as his cousin . Now he wasn 't even sure of that , and he felt himself breaking . He did not want to cry in front of his cousin . When Kimball saw Jimmy 's upper lip beginning to quiver , he remembered the serious talk his parents had with him the night before about this new family member . " Everything will be new for him here , " Mama had said , " and it 's up to you to make him feel at home , to be extra nice to him , to be his teacher . He 's more than a cousin now . He 's your brother , and he has been through more than you can imagine . You have a big responsibility , Kim . " Kimball knew Mama meant business when she addressed him as Kim . She reserved the shortened name for serious talks - grown - up talks , and right then , standing before his new brother who was on the verge of tears , Kimball knew it was time for him to be more grown - up than ever . " When I say ' hull go , ' you 're supposed to guess how many nuts I have in my hand . If you get it right , you get the nuts . That 's how the game works . Since you didn 't know that , you can have them this time , " he offered . Jimmy sniffled and wiped his eyes , then opened his hands . Kimball dropped the nuts into his shaking palms , one of them tumbling over his fingers , onto the ground . He quickly knelt to pick it up , looking nervously at Kimball , afraid he might have done something wrong . " It 's okay if you drop them , " Kimball said gently . " You can 't hurt them . You try it now . Hide some nuts in your hand and when you say , ' Hull go , ' I 'll try to guess how many you have . " Kimball knelt down and very gingerly picked up an oddly - shaped , somewhat bulbous , spiky brown and green ball , about the size of his fist . There were many other balls like it among the leaf litter and twigs on the ground beneath the tree . Some were closed up tight , others had slight openings . Even more were split wide open into four lobes connected in the middle , resembling a thick , woody flower . On the inside , they were a light cream color and reminded Jimmy of dogwood petals - soft and inviting compared to the protective outer shell that more resembled a cactus . Looking at the spiked exterior , he made a mental note to never step on one barefoot . Kimball flipped over the one he had collected , and carefully pried it open to reveal three shiny nuts just like the ones Jimmy had tucked in his right front pocket . He turned it over , and the nuts dropped onto the ground . He picked two of them up and handed them to Jimmy , added to his growing treasure . For twenty minutes they called numbers , and traded nuts back and forth . Eventually , when both of them had big piles of nuts on the ground in front of them , Jimmy asked the question he had been thinking the whole time . " What are they ? " " A fungus . The Sheriff says its from China and it 's gonna kill all the porcupine trees . He said that the ones up north was already dead , and it was just a matter of time before it comes here . Papa don 't know what he 's gonna do when them trees is gone . That 's what I heard him tell the Sheriff . " Jimmy picked up one of the nuts and stared at it intently for a moment , then put it in his left pocket , away from the rest . If Kimball had asked why he separated that one from the rest , Jimmy would have been unable to articulate his thoughts , or maybe he would have been too embarrassed to articulate them . But for some reason , he felt a need to protect one nut from whatever that thing China was sending after it . Or , maybe , he just needed to protect something - anything . Jimmy didn 't understand that need but , at least for the moment , it was being met . The boys stuffed their pockets with the bounty of nuts they had collected and ran toward the cabin . Papa was already seated at the small , square table in the middle of the room when they came inside . A single oil lamp in the middle of the table provided ample light for the room that wasn 't big enough for much more than the table and four chairs , a small wood stove , and a few shelves with just enough pots and dishes . Opposite the stove , a stone fireplace that had provided both heat and open flame for cooking before the stove came , and still provided some heat in the winter . On the far wall , a simple ladder went through a hole in the plank ceiling to the sleeping loft . A narrow doorway next to the ladder led to a recently added bedroom for Kimball 's parents , leaving the loft for their son , and now for Jimmy too . Though small and sparse , the cabin was solid and well - chinked . The floor didn 't creak as the boys stepped inside . Kimball turned out his pockets , dumping his nuts into a basket by the door . Jimmy followed suit , keeping the one nut safely tucked away in his left pocket . " Is that right … " Papa chuckled . " Well you better keep an eye on that Kimball . You win a few games against him and get comfortable , then he turns around and wins all your nuts before you know what hit you . " " Ah , " said Papa . " Porcupine nuts , " he clarified with a wink . " We 'll roast porcupine nuts , Jimmy , and you 're gonna love them . " " Tomorrow , we 'll cross the river , and gather chest … uh , porcupine nuts up on Chestnut Ridge . That 's where the big trees are . Have you ever been in a boat , Jimmy ? " " Well tomorrow will be another first for you , then . Just wait ' til you see the trees up there . Some of those trees are so tall you can 't see the top of them , and they are loaded with nuts . " " You heard your Papa , " Mama said . " And you have more important things to worry about , like eating this pigeon . " Mama brought a cast iron dutch oven from the stove and set it on a mat in the middle of the small table , then took off the lid . Thick steam curled around the lid as she pulled it away , and with it , the rich smell of pigeon breast and potatoes escaped from the big black pot . As they dug into their meal , the boys told Mama and Papa all about their day exploring the woods behind the cabin . Jimmy tried to remember all the things he had learned . He recollected that poison ivy had three leaves and some red in the middle , and the vine was hairy , and how Kimball showed him where the raccoons live in the oak tree . " And Kimball showed me the where the older berries grow down by the river , " he said , " but there ain 't none left this year . We 'll have to wait ' til next spring , if the birds don 't get them first . " " That 's okay , " said Papa . " Out here in The Gorge , Jimmy , people have to find ways to make a living however they can , and sometimes that means doing things the law doesn 't approve of . Your Uncle Buddy was just finding his way , in his own way . " My Papa told me about him , " said Jimmy . " He told me that Uncle Buddy didn 't deserve to be in jail . He said his liquor wasn 't good enough to get arrested for and that if he had made the good stuff and sold it to the white folks he wouldn 't have been arrested . Papa said that he only got in trouble cause he was selling to the negroes . That 's what Papa said . " " Well , your Papa was probably right about that but , deserved or not , that 's where he ended up , and we 're gonna make sure we don 't end up there with him . That 's why tomorrow we 're gonna fill that boat up with porcupine nuts and after we cure them , we 'll take them to town and sell them at the curb market . The law don 't mind us selling porcupine nuts . " When the pie was dispatched , the boys loaded up the dishes in a basket and walked back to the spring where first they washed the dishes , then washed themselves . Kimball bit his tongue and did not say anything more about the infamy of that spring , nor did he point out the galvanized tank a little farther into the woods with all the hatchet holes in it . There would be time for more of Uncle Buddy 's story later . It was bedtime when they walked back to the house , and climbed up to the loft . Kimball was exhausted from a full day of exploring and teaching his cousin . Jimmy was exhausted from the weight of the world . " Do you miss your Papa ? " Kimball whispered in the dark . " Mama said I shouldn 't bring up your Papa , but I figure you might want to talk about it . You don 't have to . " Jimmy didn 't say anything more , but he knew he was lucky to have another Papa . After the funeral , Miss Caroline had told him that it would be okay to start calling his uncle " Papa " that his own Papa would understand . But Jimmy wasn 't ready for that . Not yet . Jimmy laid on his back in the dark . The quiet of the gorge was new to him and it made him feel even lonelier . He closed his eyes and pictured the small house he lived in with his Papa and Miss Caroline . He had his own room there , with a window that faced the neighbor 's house . At night he would hear dogs barking in the neighborhood , and sometimes he would wake up to the sound of men stumbling home late from a poker game or one of the speakeasies that had opened in the couple years since they made liquor illegal . He wondered why anybody would want to drink something that made them loud and unsteady , and why his Uncle Buddy was willing to take the risk he did to make it . He thought Miss Caroline made sense when she said that prohibition was a good thing . She said nothing ever came to no good when a man takes to drinking . His Papa didn 't agree with his wife , but he didn 't argue with her . In the four years she was married to his Papa , he never called Miss Caroline his Mama , even though he knew she wanted him to . He liked her alright , and he knew his Papa loved her , but she never felt like his Mama . Jimmy was only four when his Mama died giving birth to his little sister who died a few hours later . His Papa married Miss Caroline a year after that . And now his Papa was dead too . Nobody asked Jimmy what he wanted to do . After the funeral , he was told by Miss Caroline that he would be living with his Aunt , Uncle and Cousin in the River Gorge and that was that . His Uncle Tom and Aunt Dorothy were dropped off in town by Mr . Selma who lived farther back in the gorge . They drove back to The Gorge in his Papa 's Ford . Miss Caroline had made sure all Jimmy 's things were packed in the trunk before they arrived , and goodbyes were short . He was standing at home plate , looking out at the field . The sun was bright overhead and he pulled his hat down to shade his eyes . His Papa stood on the mound wearing a gray uniform with a red 34 on his chest . Beyond the diamond an outfielder with shaggy blond hair stood beneath a giant tree . The tree 's limbs were loaded with spiky green balls that weren 't quite round and were stitched together with red laces . The outfielder picked a ball from the tree and threw it to his Papa who held it in his glove for a long time before leaning forward and staring intently at the catcher . He shook his head once , then shook it again , then nodded . Then he wound up , and hurled the strange ball toward him . The ball corkscrewed through the air in slow motion , headed straight toward the middle of the plate , waist high . No matter how hard he tried , Jimmy couldn 't swing the bat . His arms felt like they were being held down , pinned to his sides by an invisible force . As the ball reached the plate , it opened up into a white flower , spinning like a pinwheel . From the middle of the flower , three nuts spiraled out over the plate . The flower gradually slowed and floated to the ground between his feet . " Strike one , strike two , strike three … Hull Go ! You 're out ! " Jimmy turned to look at the umpire who had just called him out on one pitch . The umpire , a porcupine dressed in black and white striped pajamas , looked over the catcher 's shoulder . The catcher opened his glove and three tiny pink porcupines crawled out of the glove , up the catcher 's arm , and down his back . The umpire knelt down and opened a pouch in the front of his pajamas . The tiny porcupines jumped in . The catcher pulled off the pajamas and left them piled on the plate , then scurried across the diamond and out to the tree in center field . He climbed up the trunk until he came to a large round hole where an old limb had broken off , and disappeared inside . Jimmy looked around . The sun was gone and a quarter moon dimly lit a suddenly empty field . He was the only one there . He picked up the striped pajamas from the plate and put them on . From somewhere up in the tree , a whippoorwill called out its own name . He searched for the bird in the canopy , but the song seemed to come from everywhere at once . He didn 't know where to look . When the bird stopped calling , the baseball field was gone and he was standing in the middle of a dense forest in his striped pajamas . There was just enough moonlight coming through the trees for him to find his way and he started walking , but the ground was littered with the spiked hulls of porcupine eggs that pierced his bare feet . He sat down , leaned against a tree , and began to cry . A hairy vine growing up the tree was soft against his face , and he nuzzled against it and closed his eyes . Kimball was already out of bed and downstairs when Jimmy woke up and climbed down the ladder . " Papa 's loading the boat . There 's a biscuit on the table for you , " Kimball said . " Mama packed a lunch for us . Come on ! Papa 's waiting ! " Jimmy grabbed the biscuit off the table and the two boys ran out the door and down to the river where Papa was standing in the back of the boat holding onto the sixteen - food pole that would propel them across the river . They stepped into the front of the boat and sat down beside each other on a wooden bench . " Hold on ! " called Papa . " We 're shoving off ! " There wasn 't much to hold onto in the front of the boat , plus Jimmy had a biscuit in his hand . Kimball laughed . " Papa just likes to say that , so we 'll think there 's danger . Ain 't nothing to worry about . " Jimmy looked up and down a river that was mostly shrouded in a low , dense fog like clouds floating on the current . The boat slid softly across the water , a cloud swirling behind it . He took a bite out of his biscuit , and reached down with his left hand to feel a single porcupine nut in his left hip pocket . Author jpfitzerPosted on November 22 , 2016Categories Chestnut Ridge , UncategorizedTags American Chestnut , NovelLeave a comment on Hull Go ! Take Two The Sore - eye Bird A while back I posted a chapter from the book I am working on and received some great feedback - some of which I am still wrestling with . Here is another chapter draft . Please let me know what you think . Any and all feedback is welcome from simple typos to major issues . Thanks ! I have been working on the book a lot this month , and hope to put some more pieces out there for your perusal soon , so please check back often . If you like it , feel free to share it with others . The more readers , the better . " Birds are about to migrate , " Kimball said with all the authority a newly - minted thirteen year old could muster . " The leaves on the poplars are the size of squirrel 's ears . We 're right on time . " Up to this point , Jimmy believed everything his cousin told him , and why wouldn 't he ? All winter his cousin had taught him volumes about the forest and river , but giants pushed his trust . " There 's no such thing as giants , " he argued confidently . Kimball knew that bringing up Me - maw would give his claim a special gravity . Me - maw ( or Ms . Olive , as she was known by all the folks in the Gorge who weren 't kin ) was a legend up and down the gorge and on both sides of Chestnut Ridge , and Jimmy was envious that Kimball had known her . Me - Maw passed away when Kimball was four years old , but he had heard so many stories about her , that he honestly thought he had known her personally . Her face , her long silver hair , her gentle voice were as clear to him as his memories of swimming in the river last summer . That 's the way memories are when you 're thirteen . There were more stories about Me - maw than there were stories in the Bible , and folks said she knew stuff nobody else knew . Mama told them that her grandmother - in - law was part Indian , though nobody knew what " kind of Indian " she was , and that the stories she told were passed down through many generations . " You can 't find that kind of wisdom in books , or in school , " she told her son . " That is the wisdom of the elders . " Jimmy leaned in , as Kimball continued . " Giants use the river like we use roads , " He said . They travel the rivers because if they traveled on land , they would leave footprints and then people could track them . There aren 't very many giants left so they have to be extra careful not to be found out by people . " " You don 't need to worry , " Kimball reassured him . " They won 't come out until after we are asleep , and even when they do , they don 't want to hurt you . They will be busy talking to the trees . If you wake up in the middle of the night , you might hear them , but it will be dark . You won 't see them . " " They wake them up . The trees fall asleep for the winter , and if nobody wakes them up , there won 't be no spring . That 's why it 's important that we leave the giants alone and don 't bother them . We don 't know the language of the trees . Nobody does . Only the giants know . They sound kinda like pine trees in the wind . You know , squeaks and stuff like that . I heard them for the first time when I was your age . Papa told me what it was . He said that Me - maw 's daddy could understand what they were saying but that there ain 't nobody around now who still knows the language . Papa says that the maple trees wake up first . You 'll see in the morning … if they come tonight . " The boys stayed awake as late as they could , bundled in blankets beneath their little a - frame shelter strung between trees . Several times Jimmy heard noises and asked Kimball if it was giants , but the elder cousin explained each noise as it came - an owl hooting , a deer heading to the river for a drink of water , a raccoon digging for grubs , a flying squirrel landing on the ground . He had answers for everything and Jimmy felt safe as long as he had such a woods - wise companion . The morning was cold , and the two adventurers stayed in their blankets until the sun hit the top of the west rim . Kimball got up first and piled twigs and leaves where the fire had been the night before . A hard breath revealed orange coals beneath the grey ashes and soon a small flame emerged . Jimmy watched all this from his woolen cocoon until the fire appears to have enough heat to ward off the chill . Kimball was unwrapping a small loaf of bread when Kimball walked up the fire and leaned in , rubbing his hands together for warmth . Kimball reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of cheese wrapped in wax paper , and made two crude open - face sandwiches out of torn chunks of bread and cheese . " Breakfast ? " " As the giants wake up the maple trees , the sore - eye birds follow the red , " said Kimball . That 's how they know where to go . You know about the sore - eye birds , right ? " Kimball asked , knowing that his cousin did not . " Well , that is because nobody got him a feather from the sore - eye bird . Mama told me that Me - maw taught her that if you take a feather from a sore - eye bird , soak it in water , then bathe your eyes in the water , you 'll be cured of all that . Now that the giants woke up the maple trees , the sore - eye birds should be here . All we have to do is find one , and we can cure Papa of his allergies . " " It 's easy . We listen . Mama said that sometimes the sore - eye bird sounds like a robin with a sore throat . Other times it says chick - burr , chick - burr . We 'll find a good spot in the woods for listening , and when it calls , we 'll follow it 's voice . " They walked further into the woods until they came to the old road . Beyond the road , the ground became steep , and Kimball decided a road would be a good place to listen , so they sat down . Jimmy looked north , Kimball looked south , and they listened . It seemed like all the winter birds were singing that morning , and Kimball identified with authority the few he recognized . A white - throated sparrow called for Mister Peabody , a wren said teakettle , teakettle , teakettle , and a chick - a - dee said his own name over and over . There were many more birds Kimball didn 't recognized , and whenever Jimmy would ask him what they were , Jimmy would either pretend he didn 't hear him , hold up his hand to be quiet because he was listening hard at the moment , or change the subject to something that suddenly seemed very important , like wondering if skunks could climb trees or if giants were afraid of daylight . Kimball was unsure what a robin with a sore throat sounded like , but he listened closely , and when a lot of birds were singing at once , he proclaimed , " There it is , the sore - eye bird . " Jimmy asked which one of the many songs heard was the sore - eye bird , but Kimball never seemed to hear it again . Kimball was , however , certain that the song came from the north , and he confidently led the search party in that direction . " The sore - eye bird is bright red with black wings , " Kimball said . " Keep on the lookout . " And look , Jimmy did . He scanned the treetops , turning his head in search of every bird he heard . Being early in the spring , the leaves on the trees were tiny , so the canopy afforded good bird watching . After a few minutes of waling down the over - grown old road , Jimmy pointed to a flash of red high in the canopy . " Is that it ? " he asked . Kimball looked up to see to see the bright red bird high in a poplar tree . Jimmy smiled broadly , proud of his discovery . Kimball looked at the slingshot in his left hand , and sat down on a rock . " We 'll have to wait for it to come down . Keep your eye on it . " Kimball was trying to maintain an air of authority and confidence , but secretly he was hoping the bird would disappear . He had never shot at a bird with his slingshot , and the couple squirrels he had tried to shoot were missed by a foot or more . He looked away from the bird , leaving the responsibility for tracking it on his inexperienced young companion . " There is goes . " said Jimmy . " Let 's go ! " The sore - eye bird was on the move , flying away from the river and up the steep slope . The boys followed , clamoring over the boulders and scree that covered the hillside . The bright feathers of the sore - eye bird stood out in a forest whose young leaves were just beginning to pop out . As the boys stayed on the trail , climbing higher and higher , the sore - eye bird stayed out of reach until half - way up the slope the land leveled off onto a shelf . Ahead of them , a shear bluff would prevent them from climbing higher , but they wouldn 't have to . To their right , a spring seeped from the base of the bluff and flowed into a small pond . The sore - eye bird swooped down over the water and landed on the very top of a small elder berry bush at the edge of the water , not fifteen feet away . Slowly , Kimball reached in his pocket and pulled out one of several small , smooth pebbles he had collected from the river . He loaded his slingshot , extended his left arm , and with his right hand pulled back the letter thong that held the rock . Looking down the stretched rubber cords , he took aim and , just as the sore - eye bird began to sing a raspy , flute - like song like a robin with a sore throat , he closed his eyes and released . When Kimball opened his eyes , Jimmy was already standing over the most beautiful bird - perhaps the most beautiful animal - he had ever seen , dead on the forest floor . Kimball was shocked . Jimmy was awestruck . Both were saddened . Neither spoke . A couple hours later they tied the boat off at the dock , unloaded their gear , and walked up to the cabin . Mama , who had seen them coming , was heating soup on the wood stove . " How was your adventure ? " she asked as the boys dropped their bedrolls and approached the stove . " Did you hear the giants ? " Neither of the sullen boys acknowledged the question . Kimball reached in his bag and pulled out an odd little package . Through wax paper , the bright red and stark black of the sore - eye bird were as muted and dull as he felt inside . He didn 't understand why doing such a good thing for his Papa felt so bad . Slowly he unwrapped the now stiff contents as his Mama looked on with furrowed brow . " What happened ? Did you find him in the woods ? " she asked , genuinely confused . Finally , Kimball managed two weak words . " I 'm sorry , " he said in a high , broken voice . The three of them sat down on the hearth , backs to the stove , Mama in the middle , arms around the two crying boys . She could have told her boys that all they were supposed to bring back was a feather , and that it should be a gift from the bird . She could have said that , according to Me - Maw , killing a bird that provides medicine brings about the illness it cures . She could have told him that his Me - maw 's name , Olive , meant peace . There were many things she could have said , but didn 't . Instead , she sat silently with Kimball and Jimmy until all the tears were drained from their eyes , then she served soup which they ate in silence . " Well , your Me - maw was a very smart and very loved woman , Jimmy . And wise . But the two things I admired most about her were her calm spirit and her never ending thirst for knowledge . If anything ever upset her , she never showed it . And if she wasn 't helping somebody with their ailment , their injury , or their emotional problem , she was studying the plants and animals of the gorge . " " That is a good question , Jimmy . A lot of people wondered that . Your Me - maw spent countless days walking deep into the gorge , and sometimes climbing out of the gorge to the plateau . She never took anybody with her , and nobody knew exactly where she went , but she always came back with new herbs , roots , or recipes . Some people thought she met with an old medicine woman somewhere on the plateau who stayed behind when the native people were driven off . Other people suggested that she took magic herbs and had visions while she was on her walks . " The look on Jimmy 's face was serious and inquisitive . To Dorothy , her nephew looked like for the first time in the five months since he moved in with them , his focus was entirely on the moment , and not distracted by thoughts of his father . She tousled his hair that had not been cut since his arrival in the gorge and had become quite shaggy . " No , tell me more about Me - maw . What do you think she was doing on those walks . Kimball told me that you have her journals and they have all of her secrets . " Just below the redbud tree at the northeast corner of the property , about ten feet fro , the river bank , Kimball stopped . " Right here , " he said matter - of - factly . " This is the right place . " He took the handle of the shovel with his left and hand and reached toward Jimmy with his right , gently handing over the little red corpse . The soil by the river was rich and soft and Kimball had an appropriate hole dug with only five or six easy shovelfuls . Jimmy then handed him the still - wrapped bird , and Kimball carefully opened the paper and lifted it out . " I guess we 'll have to find a feather for Papa 's eyes somewhere else , " he said somberly . " Only if you want to . I think what you feel is more important than what you say . I think that might be what Me - maw would say . " |
If you haven 't read , " Picture Perfect Trilogy " ( Gary 's story ) ( the revised edition ) I would advise reading that before this . My original story , although very popular , did have some criticisms that I thought were very valid so , I have revised the story . I hope you enjoy this as much as you did the first story . Thank you very much ; My name is Judy Asher . I 'm sitting in a restaurant in L . A . waiting to see Gary Asher , my ex husband , for the first time in almost four , long years . I can 't remember ever being this nervous at any other point in my life . What I did to my husband back in Chicago was unforgivable . I 'm surprised he even agreed to see me . As I sit here waiting for his arrival , I can remember back to those days in Chicago . I remember them like it was yesterday . It started one morning when I was down town shopping . My husband was a professional photographer and owned a studio just a few blocks from the store so , after shopping , I had intended to surprise him , maybe even have lunch together if he wasn 't too busy . Instead , I ran into Pete Jeffers , my very first heart throb from high school . In those days I was kind of gangly and most of the boys wouldn 't even look at me . Pete was a senior when I was a junior and I was astonished when , one day , he approached me at my locker and asked me out on a date . It was my first real date . At the end of a wonderful evening , he gave me my very first real kiss from boy . They say you never forget your first and I still remember how it felt that night to be in his arms as he softly pressed his lips to mine . For the rest of the school year we were hardly ever out of each other 's sight . Our love affair continued into the summer months and I had visions of becoming Mrs . Pete Jeffers . As the summer was coming to a close we both had to start thinking about school again . I had to go back for my senior year of high and Pete would soon be leaving for his first year of college . I remember fighting with my emotions at that time . In spite of some heavy petting , through our relationship , I still managed to hold on to my virtue . On several occasions , Pete would try to get me to go further but I could tell by his actions , even though boys that age don 't like to admit it , he was as much a virgin as I was . I was determined to keep us both that way until our wedding night , but the thought of not seeing him for months on end , and him being around all those college girls had me worried When Pete said he wanted to show me how much he loved me before leaving I buckled and agreed to have sex with him . He was the love of my life , and I wanted to lose my cherry to him , even if it was a little sooner than I had anticipated . Pete 's parents both worked so his place was available during the day . I can remember being so covert . We snuck around the back of his house and went in through the back door so none of his neighbors would see us . Even though the house was empty , we tip toed up to his bedroom . My emotions were on high . I was scared , excited , nervous , wound up , exhilarated , and terrified all at the same time . Pete was holding my hand as we climbed the stairs to his bedroom and , from his sweaty palms , I knew he was just as nervous as I was . We sat on his bed for a while just kissing . Then he started unbuttoning my blouse . He put my hand in his lap and I could feel he was hard . As nervous as we were , we managed to get each others clothes off , or at least , most of them . I stood dressed only in my bra and panties and he in his shorts . I don 't know about him , but I was so embarrassed I felt hot all over . Finally , we both took a deep breath and did away with the last of our modesty . We had no idea what we were doing . I laid across his bed and he climbed on top . He clumsily played with my nipples for a couple of minutes then tried to put his dick in my pussy . I was dry as a bone from being so nervous and yelled out in pain when he tried to stick it in . He jumped , got scared , and his erection went down " Yeah , " I said smiling in anticipation of my friend 's advice , " and what 's that ? " " Okay , okay , don 't get your panties in a bunch , " she said , " I know how you feel about my affairs , but this wouldn 't be an affair . It would be a one time thing . One time in the sack with the first love of your life to wipe out a painful memory . That 's all . " " By reliving it , " she said . " The only way to rectify a bad situation is to relive it and make it a good situation . Okay , maybe you 'll always have the memory of that horrible day , but this way you would also have a wonderful memory along with it . " " And what if Gary ever found out ? What would I tell him ? " " Come on , how is Gary ever going to find out . If you kept seeing him , that would be one thing , but a one time shot . There 's no way Gary would ever know . " " Oh bull , " Amber said , " It would simply be your little secret and when you 're old and gray , you won 't be wondering how it would have felt to make love to your first heart - throb . " " I don 't know how you do it , Amber , " I said , still peeved at her suggestion . " How can you have so many affairs and keep Bill from finding out ? " I was shocked when she told me . If Bill knew , how come they 're still together ? " He knows ? " exclaiming a little too loudly for a public place . " Shhhhhh , " Amber hushed me . " I 'm not really sure but I think so . He never initiates love making any more . It 's always me . When I do coax him , he just doesn 't seem to have his heart in it any more . I could be wrong , he 's never said anything to me …… it 's … . well , I just have this feeling that 's all . " " Are you seeing anyone now ? " I couldn 't even believe I was talking to her about this . Up till now , it 's been a hard and fast rule not to talk about her affairs . " No , I broke it off with the last guy several months ago and haven 't really looked for anyone else . I think I 'm going to cool it for awhile . I still think you should screw this Pete though , just once , just to get that terrible day out of your head . " At that point I said I didn 't want to talk about it anymore but I had to admit , I was actually thinking about sleeping with another man for the first time since I married Gary . After lunch we went back to Amber 's place and talked silly girl talk a little more . On the way home , I kept thinking of what Amber said about knowing what it would be like to sleep with Pete , my first love . I couldn 't get it out of my head . I really didn 't want to spend the night thinking about cheating on Gary so I stopped off at the video rental place and picked up a couple Disney films that we could watch with Tammy . I still couldn 't get Amber 's suggestion out of my head and I think I was still feeling a little guilty when Gary came home that night . I 'm not sure if he picked up on it or not , but he was a little quiet all evening . Everything changed when it came time to watch the movies I had picked up . I popped some popcorn and the three of cuddled together on the couch . I remember thinking to myself , how could I even think of doing anything that would threaten what I have here . How could I indeed ! When ever I found myself sitting idle I would start to fantasize about making love with Pete . I hated myself for even allowing thoughts like that into my head , but I just couldn 't help it . So , for the next several days I kept myself busy with running errands and cleaning the house . I was doing pretty good too , thinking about Pete less and less . I had just sat down to relax with a well deserved cup of coffee when Amber called to tell me about some new outfits she bought . Of course hearing her voice made me remember the conversation we had at the restaurant . " By the way girl , I have a bone to pick with you , " I knew she heard the serious tone in my voice . " I wish you had never mentioned cheating on Gary . " " Yeah , last week . All that talk about jumping in bed with Pete . It might be my imagination , but I think Gary actually suspected something . He was awful quiet the other night . " " So , are you considering it ? Are you serious about wiping out that terrible memory ? " It almost sounded like Amber was trying to push me into it . " Look , Judy , he was your first true love . He was the guy you wanted to break your cherry . For everything to go so wrong on your first time is a horrible memory to have . It 's only natural that you would want to right the wrong , even after all these years . " " Yeah , I 'm sure you 're probably right , I just wish we had never started that stupid conversation . " We talked a little more but I wanted to get off the subject so we said our good - byes . I fixed some lunch for myself and tried , again , to get Pete out of my head . The next day , as I look back on it now , was the day I made the worst judgment call of my entire life . I was just making some lunch for myself when the phone rang . I was a little surprised when I heard the voice on the other end . " Pete , how are you ? " " Hi Judy , I just wanted to call and tell you how good it was to see you after all these years . " " What are you talking about ? " I couldn 't believe my ears . Up until now my thoughts about sleeping with Pete were just fantasies . After all , it takes two to tango but now here he was talking about the same thing . " No Pete , we can 't . Listen , I would be lying if I said I hadn 't thought about it myself , but we would both be taking too big a chance , it 's not worth it . " " Judy , " he said with desperation in his voice , " that day was one of the most demeaning days of my life . I 've never gotten over it . It 's … . . it 's like I have to do this to prove something to myself . " " You don 't have to prove anything to me . You have two kids , right ? That 's all the proof I need . " I was trying to get things on a lighter note . " Look Pete , I will always have a special place in my heart for you , but we can 't do this . If Gary ever found out he would never forgive me . " " I don 't know , I 'm sure he wouldn 't , but I 'm not sure I could live with the guilt either . Look , I don 't think this is something we should be discussing on the phone anyway . " I remembered Gary was supposed to go out of town on a three day assignment at the end of the week . " My husband is going out of town on Thursday so let 's do this , can you get away around lunch time this Friday ? " See you then , Bye . " I couldn 't believe I just told him to meet me . In spite of the guilt , in spite of knowing how wrong this was , I had an overpowering need to right the wrong that happened so many years ago and I now knew it was going to happen . I had to talk to someone . I had to call Amber , although I 'm not going to tell her everything . I am not going to tell her I 'm going to have sex with Pete , I will never tell her that , not even her , not ever . I will never tell anyone . Only two people in the whole world will know for sure , Pete and me and that 's the way it has to stay . I could never take a chance of Gary finding out . Never ! I flipped open my cell and hit the speed dial for Amber 's number . " Amber , guess who just called ? " before she had a chance to answer I answered for her . " Pete ! " " You mean about fucking him ? " She said . " Yup , well he feels the same way ! " I couldn 't believe I was saying this even as I was saying it . I knew I was talking about cheating on my husband and I could hear the excitement in my own voice . " He wants to do it again ? " Amber 's voice almost went shrill as she spoke . " Yeah , " I couldn 't help but giggle a little . I almost felt like that young school girl again . " So what did you say ? Did you tell him you 'd fuck him ? " " Okay , I don 't know how he could find out , but what about me . I can 't hardly live with the guilt I have now . " There was a short pause before Amber asked . " So , what did you tell him ? " " Well I said I didn 't want to talk about it over the phone . Gary is supposed to go out of town this Friday and won 't be back till Sunday . I 'm not sure if the trip is still on or not though to tell you the truth . He hasn 't mentioned it to me for the last couple of weeks . He usually reminds me if he 's going out of town a week or so before he leaves . Anyway , I told Pete I 'd meet him at that little restaurant on Golf road , you know , we 've had lunch there a couple of times . I 'm supposed to meet him there at noon this Friday . " " Is that the place that has that motel right across the street ? " Amber asked . " Yeah , " I said , " that 's the one with the little motel across the street . " I didn 't want to talk about it anymore so I asked about something else . We talked just a couple more minutes then said our good - byes . For the rest of the day I kept waffling back and forth . Should I do this , or shouldn 't I do this . Hell , I knew I shouldn 't do it . It was wrong . Could I live with my own guilt ? What if Gary did find out , but how could he ? Would he want a divorce ? Would I lose everything ? It 's stupid , senseless , I love Gary more than anything , I love my daughter , my home , why would I risk losing any part of that for a romp in the hay with an old boyfriend ? But there was that other part of me , the part that felt young again as I sat with Pete talking that day . The part of me that said , what 's one time ? I would still love Gary just as much , but maybe I could also , some how , recapture part of my youth and hold on to it a little longer . As it was , after that distressful and painful day with Pete , I stayed a virgin until well into my freshman year of college . Then , one night , at a party I had too much to drink and lost my cherry to a faceless college boy . I felt so cheated . Would having sex with Pete now erase those memories , no , of course not . Would it make them easier to live with ……… . possibly . Is it something I want to do , in spite of the risk , in spite of the guilt ? ………………… . . Yes ! God help me , yes I do . My eyes welled up as I came to the realization that it was , most likely , going to happen . I had never felt more in conflict with myself than I was that afternoon . A little later the phone rang again . This time it was my sweet , loving man . " Hello honey , " she said . " Hi honey , " I answered back . " No hon , I probably won 't be home until the wee hours of the morning . Don 't wait up . Give Tammy a big hug and kiss for me . I have to go honey , I love you , see you in the AM . " " No honey , honest , " he said , " I 've just been trying to land this big account and I 've been a little worried I wouldn 't get it , that 's all . But things are looking better and I hope to seal the deal tonight . I 'll tell you what , I have to leave early Friday morning for that shoot down state …… I wasn 't sure if he was going on that trip or not , I broke in and cut him off in mid sentence . " So you 're still going on that ? You haven 't mentioned it . I thought maybe it had been cancelled or something . " " I 'm sorry honey , I 've just had so much on my mind lately . Yes , I still have to make the trip . I 'll leave early Friday morning and I 'll be back Sunday night . Anyway , as I was saying , Thursday night , what do you say we drop Tammy off at you mother 's and go out for dinner . Just you and me . " I was almost hoping his trip had been cancelled . It would have given me an excuse to call off my meeting with Pete . Hearing that Gary was planning a romantic evening though , did squash my suspicions that he knew something . " Oh honey that would be wonderful , is that a promise ? " " Yup honey , that 's a promise . " I was no longer anxious about him staying out late . " Okay honey , it 's a date . Wake me up when you get in so I know you 're home safely , will ya ? " " I love you too , babe . " We hung up and I started dinner for Tammy and me . On Thursday I had Tammy 's pajamas packed when I picked her up at school and took her to my mom and dad 's . I was so excited . It had been a while since Gary and I had a nice , romantic night out together . He had been working so hard . I primped and dressed in my sexiest little , black dress . The one that drives Gary crazy . I was all ready by the time Gary came home . I met him at the door with my usual greeting . I reached up and put my arms around his neck , I pushed my body against his , and reached up to plant a loving kiss on his lips . He told me how beautiful I was . I never got tired of hearing that from him . My wonderful husband had planned the perfect evening . We went to my favorite restaurant on the north shore . At night it has a breathtaking view of the city lights across Lake Michigan . After dinner we went into the lounge and sat at the window . Gary gave me the seat with the best view and we talked . I made up my mind that I was going to call Pete the next day and call it off . I don 't care how much I wanted it , it wasn 't going to happen . I don 't know what I would do without the man sitting across the table from me , I thought , and nothing is worth taking a chance on losing that . We picked up our daughter on the way home and put her right to bed . Gary and I went to our bedroom . We hadn 't made love in over a week , which was a life - time to us . In the bedroom , Gary was very special . Oh , I guess there are guys who are bigger or who can last longer , but Gary had a sixth sense . He always knew what mood I was in and would respond accordingly . He could be romantic and drive me crazy with his tender , delicate touch and gentle kisses ; or he could be aggressive and passionate ripping my clothes from my body and taking me hard ; or he could be kinky and use restraints and toys to tease and please . That night , as usual , he read me perfectly . I wanted tender and romantic and that 's just what he gave me , hours of it . Even when he took me anally , he did it with such loving care there was no pain , only pleasure . Yes , my Gary was a very special man . The next morning Gary was up early . I guess he had the shoot on his mind , or so I thought at the time . We kissed , ( I didn 't know it then , but it was to be our last kiss ) then he was off . I got dressed , made breakfast for Tammy and took her to school . I had decided to call a halt to my little fantasy with Pete so I got on the phone and called his office . " Hi , listen I 've been thinking about this a lot and I 've decided not to go through with it . I know everyone says Gary would never find out and , even if that is true , it 's wrong . You know it and I know it . So let 's just forget it . Okay ? " " Hell no it 's not okay ! " he almost shouted . " Listen to me , I have a wife and kids and the only way I can be sure you never say anything is to know that you 're as guilty as I am . You 're going to that restaurant and meet me for lunch , then we 're going across the street and we 're going to have sex . If you stand me up I 'll tell Gary you were coming on to me . Oh , I never told you did I , I know Gary . Yeah , we 've worked together before . If you ever said anything I could lose my wife , my family . No , we 've gone this far and the only way I can be sure you never , ever say anything is to know you have just as much to lose as I do . You be there . " He hung up . I couldn 't believe it . He had changed from my old , childhood boyfriend , to a threatening maniac instantly . I didn 't know what to do now . I wasn 't really worried about Gary believing him if he did say anything , but could he make trouble for Gary . Could he cost Gary business , he 's been working so hard . I convinced myself I had to go through with it now . Was I being honest with myself ? Was I now using this as an excuse because deep down , I still wanted that thrill I missed so many years ago ? I tried to convince myself that wasn 't it , that I simply had no choice . I was dressed casually , that was good enough . I was no longer thinking of this as a romantic rendezvous . I still had some time so I fixed myself some coffee and sat , almost comatose , thinking . I stared into space and at that wall clock Gary had put up . I had no idea what to do . I got myself into this mess , how do I get myself out ? Sitting there I told myself I needed to do this , to sacrifice myself for my husband . As I sit here now , remembering that moment , I think to myself , what a pile of crap . I was so conflicted I didn 't know what I was doing . Don 't get me wrong . I 'm not looking for sympathy and I not making excuses . It was my decision and I blew it . I took Gary 's Z3 and drove to the restaurant . My mind was so far away I didn 't even remember getting there . The next thing I remembered I was pulling into the parking lot . Pete was already inside . He had , had a couple of drinks and was a little belligerent . We had something to eat , I don 't remember what , then he took me by the arm and led me across the street . By now I knew this was not going to be the romantic recapture of my youth and innocence that I was dreaming about . Pete was simply going to fuck me . I was sure he had done this before . I wasn 't his only lay outside of his marriage . All I wanted to do now was get it over and forget I ever saw this jerk again . Without saying a word I took off my clothes and sat on the bed . I was thinking to my self , what would Gary do if he saw me " No Joan , but thanks . Everything will be okay , I just need some time to patch up some things , that 's all . " " That would be great , Joan . Thank you so much . I really appreciate this , " I said . She said again I should call her if there was anything she could do and we hung up . I had no idea what to do . I was completely lost with no direction , no clear path to take . I drove home , all the time hoping he would be there waiting for me , but of course , he was not . I spent all that night and all of Saturday just staring at the walls . I couldn 't eat , I couldn 't sleep , and I couldn 't bare to think of my life without Gary . A couple times I thought of ending it all , but I couldn 't do that until I talked to Gary . Maybe he doesn 't want a divorce , maybe he 's just blowing off steam , maybe he 'll forgive me . I tried calling his cell again , but to no avail . I fell asleep on the couch again that night . I hadn 't slept in our bed since this all happened . I didn 't know if I would ever be able to sleep in it again with him by my side . I spent Sunday much like all day Saturday , staring into space . Then came a knock on the door . I jumped to my feet and rushed to answer it . Who could it be but Gary ! I opened it and the smile completely left my face . It was Pete . " What do you want , " I chided . " I 'm so sorry , Judy , " he sounded as worried as I was . " I was going to call you but I didn 't think you 'd answer the phone so I thought I 'd come over instead . " " What do you want ? " I said coldly . I turned my head away , I couldn 't even look at him . " No I haven 't heard from him but I 've had someone watching the studio and he 's there now . He just drove up . I have a plan . Maybe we can blackmail him into coming back to you and make sure he never tells anyone about what happened . " " Blackmail ! What are you , nuts ! What could you possibly use to blackmail Gary ? " I asked . " Look , neither of us want Gary to fly off the handle here . You love him and want him back and I can 't afford for him to tell my wife . You see , I married the bosses daughter . My father in law is also my boss . He owns the company I work for . If this got out I would not only lose my wife but my job as well , and knowing my father in law , he 'd black list me and I 'd never find another job . So , you see , I have even more to lose than you do . " Pete continued . " Now here 's my plan . I know some guys from the gym where I work out . They 're gay . They don 't hide it , they 're proud of it . They belong to some gay guy 's club . I talked to them and offered them a $ 100 bucks a piece if they went along with my plan . " " Okay , later tonight you let us in to the studio . I 'll have four or five of those guys with me . They 'll tell Gary to get down on all fours and open up . One of the guys will stick his dick in Gary 's mouth and you take a picture . " " Me ! I don 't want any part of this , are you nuts ? You really think you 're going to get Gary to suck some guy 's cock ? You don 't know Gary ! And why do I have to take the picture , why don 't take it ? " " No , I want you a part of this and Gary isn 't stupid . Once he sees these guys he 'll do want we tell him to do . Besides , he doesn 't really have to suck the guy 's cock , he just has to have it in his mouth . It 'll still look like he 's sucking it in the photo . " I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . I shook my head no as I sat back on the arm of our couch . " Look , have you come up with anything better ? We 'll tell Gary , both you and me , that the pictures we took will never be seen by anyone as long as he forgets about the motel . He 'll go back home and we 'll all go on like nothing ever happened . I 'll promise him I 'll never see you again and that will be the end of it . Or , if he doesn 't do what we say , I 'll use those pictures to ruin him . Oh he 'll be pissed , but there won 't be anything he can do about it and , in time , he 'll be your old Gary again . " Looking back now I have no idea how I could have considered such an idiotic idea but I was so desperate I said I would go along with the plan as long as he promised they would not hurt Gary in any way . Pete promised and I told him I would meet him in front of the studio at three a . m . How stupid , how very , very stupid someone can be when they are so despondent . I was at the studio at three a . m . like I said I would be . I almost backed out when I saw the guys Pete had with him . Once again I made them all promise not to hurt Gary in any way . They all assured me they did not intend on hurting him at all . I opened the door and stayed in the front office for a little while Pete and the others went into the shooting room . All of a sudden I heard a terrible commotion and I rushed inside to see what happened . They had Gary around the neck and was punching him . I screamed and went for one of the guys but someone through me on the floor . I got up and went for the phone but Pete grabbed me and said it was too late to back out now . He through me on the floor again and grabbed the camera out of my hands . Gary was fighting back and threatened to bite off a guy 's dick if he tried to put it in his mouth so they raped him . I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran toward them . I would have scratched the eyes out of the first guy I got a hold of but Pete back handed me and I fell to the floor for the third time . It was too late . I felt so helpless laying there , crying while my man was being humiliated and brutalized . Everything was over now . I couldn 't stop bawling . My whole life was at an end . It was clear now , I had nothing left to live for and I was going to end it as soon as I got home . That didn 't happen though . Gary had called the police and they were there questioning me . They took me to the station where I confessed everything . Gary had told them Pete was the instigator and I cohobated his statement . I was locked up and never had the chance to get back home . I thought I would serve several years in prison but I was told Gary fought for me and I was given only six months . Why he did that I don 't know . I can only imagine how much he must hate me . When I was released I went to my parents . They told me Gary took Tammy and moved to start a new life . I understood completely and vowed I would never bother them again . I took a job that my dad lined up for me in New Jersey . I did not date or even look at men . Months turned into years and not one evening went by without me thinking of Gary and Tammy . You would think that time would make the pain become bearable , but it didn 't . Just the opposite , with each passing day thThen , one day , while searching Tammy Asher , I small newspaper article popped up . It was from a local California paper . It gave the account of Tammy Asher 's three , unassisted , goals she scored for her school soccer team . At the end of the article it mentioned how her dad , Gary Asher , was so proud of her . I had found them ! Now what ? It 's been three years . I wonder if he 's remarried ? How much does Tammy know about what I did ? The worst thing was knowing how much Gary must hate me . I felt I could almost live with losing them both , but I couldn 't live with the thought of them hating me . I made a promise to my dad that I would never bother Gary or Tammy again and I intended to keep that promise , but I had to see them again , even if it was from afar . I had lived very conservatively during the last three years . I had some money in the bank and I was going to use it to move out to L . A . As soon as I got into town I found myself a small apartment . It took me about three weeks to find a job . The apartment was even smaller than the one I had in New Jersey and cost more . The job paid less , but I didn 't care . I found the school Tammy was attending from the newspaper article and stood across the street , hidden by a tree , to see if I could find Tammy as she started her day . Kids were huddled together and talking before the bell range and I wondered if Tammy was one of them . Just then I saw a BMW , Z3 convertible drive up with a man and a young girl . It was them . My heart nearly jumped from my chest as I saw Gary reach over and give our little girl a kiss on the cheek . As she started up the steps to the school entrance , I got a better look at her . She was a young lady , a beautiful young lady . Gary waved at her and took off driving right past me . I went back to my tiny apartment and just cried . I didn 't start my own job until ten every day so I got to watch Gary drop Tammy off at school every day . Since my work schedule would vary from time to time , I sometimes would get to watch her and her girlfriends talk after school " Hello mom . " I almost collapsed . I couldn 't breath . I didn 't know what to do . I turned around wondering if she hated me as much as her father did . I looked into her face and she smiled at me . She grabbed me and hugged me like she would never let me go . I nearly broke out in hysterics and hugged her back . I don 't know how long we were like that but neither of us wanted to be the first to let go . " I knew that was you , " she said . " I 've seen you here almost every morning , just watching and I knew it was you . " She hugged me again . She asked if I had time to go to the coffee shop with her and talk . Nothing could have stopped me . From our conversation , it was clear that Gary never told her much about what happened in Chicago . It was so good just to be with my daughter again . She had done so much growing up , not only physically , but emotionally and intellectually as well . She was growing into a fine , young lady . Gary had done well . Finally I couldn 't keep from asking any longer . " How is your father ? " " Oh he 's doing great , mom , " she said . I wish you 'd come by the house and see him . " " I think you 're wrong there , mom , " she said . " Dad still has a ton of shots from your modeling days . He still looks at them now and then and when he does , there are always tears in his eyes . I don 't think he ever stopped loving you , mom . " I was sure she was wrong , she had no idea what I did to him in Chicago , but it was nice just to hear her say that . " I 'm going to tell him I saw you , mom . " " Mom , if I can get dad to agree , would you meet him for lunch or dinner or something . " " Of course I would honey , but he 's not going to want to see me . Please don 't be disappointed when he says no . I just hope he doesn 't forbid you to see me anymore . " " I 'm pretty sure you have him all wrong , mom , but I 'll let you know what he says . I have to get going now before dad starts to worry about me . I 'm going to talk to him tonight and I 'll let you know tomorrow morning at school . Oh , you don 't have to stand behind that stupid tree anymore . " We laughed and she was on her way . I wondered if that would be the last time I saw her . Would Gary tell her to never see me again ? I thought there was a good chance of it . The next day I anxiously waited across the street from the school watching . I saw Gary drop Tammy off , but this time he pulled ahead into a visitor 's parking space and got out of the car . I took in a deep breath when I realized he was headed toward me . I was terrified . " Hello , Judy , " he said . I couldn 't speak . I opened my mouth but nothing came out . " Tammy told me you were watching her every day . She spotted you the first week . She didn 't say anything to me at first , but last week she couldn 't keep it to herself any more . She asked me if she could talk to you and I told her it was okay . " " You mean you knew about yesterday ? " I asked . " Of course I did . " he smiled a little . I looked for the hatred I thought would be in his eyes , but I didn 't see it . " Tammy said you 'd like to talk , tell me where and when and I 'll be there , " he said . " Oh , Gary , " I said . " I know how you must hate me . I thought … well , I … . I just thought if I could tell you just how it happened , well …… . . you might not hate quite so bad . It 's the thought of you hating me so deeply that 's so hard to live with . I 'm not trying to make excuses , I deserve everything , I deserve your hatred , but I need to tell you , I need to , please . " He smiled again . " Look , there 's a little coffee house not far from my studio on , Melrose and Gardner . Could you meet me there around five tomorrow afternoon ? " " Yes , yes , Gary , I 'll be there . Thank you . Thank you so much . " He turned and started back to his car . He looked back over his shoulder . " I 'll see you tomorrow , " he said . So here I sit . I got here a half hour early . I 'm so nervous . What do I say ? How do I start ? Where do I start ? Could Tammy be right ? Maybe he doesn 't hate me as much as I thought he did , or maybe he 's coming here to tell me never to bother him or Tammy again and he never wants to see me again . Epilog ; What do you think ? Will Gary listen to her or will he tell her to stay out of their lives forever ? The third part of the trilogy will be coming soon . |
When I opened my locker , the first thing I saw was myself . The mirror was cracked at the bottom , but I could make out most of my pale face . My high cheek bones , the freckles on my nose , my green / blue eyes . I ran my hand over my light - blonde hair which I 'd tied back and braided Lara Croft style . To me , my face didn 't seem like the face of an average 17 - year - old . It was because of my eyes . The innocence that was tied to the lack of life experience could not be found in there . No matter how hard I looked every night before I went to bed , it wasn 't there any more . I grabbed my books and put them in my shoulder bag , then I glanced into the mirror once more before slamming the locker shut . Time to go home and train . I rubbed the back of my neck , which was still sore from yesterday . I grabbed him by his chin . " Look at me , " I said in a low voice . " Breathe in , breathe out . Slowly . " I lowered my voice to a whisper as he followed my instructions . " That 's it . You 're doing great . " " No , you don 't understand . I 'm not making it up . Unless I 'm hallucinating , but I don 't think I am . Am I ? " He glanced around . " I don 't see any dancing squirrels . I always imagine I 'd see those if ever I hallucinated . Have you ever hallucinated ? I don 't think I know anyone who has ever - " " The cemetery behind our school is empty . I saw it when I snuck home to get my math 's books . I thought they were going to get rid of the cemetery or something . The graves were all - and those people , they 're all dirty and smelly and some have started rotting . Their clothes are old and dirty and they 're attacking us . " I put my hand on his trembling shoulder . " Don 't worry , Hayden . I believe you . " As he stared at me with open mouth , I handed him my shoulder bag and ran to the cafeteria . " Stay there , " I shouted . Yelling came from the cafeteria and fear was practically seeping through the wall . On Wednesdays classes ended at 2 PM so luckily only the students who stayed for afterschool activities were present . Through the glass in the double doors I could see about thirty students and twelve zombies . They were moving slow and their eyes were white . They weren 't limping or hunched over , they resembled normal people except for their clothes and the fact they smelt like the grave they came from . It depended on how long they were dead , but their eyes were different than when they were alive , some completely white , some discoloured . Two zombies were in front of the doors so I stood back and launched forward , spun and kicked the door open . The zombies shot forward and lost their balance . They fell to the ground and made a groaning sound as they did . She stood on the table in the middle of the cafeteria , waving her staff with the shrunken head and beads . Her neck decorated with miniature skulls and one golden tooth in the corner of her mouth . Her shrill laughter reached my ears and created a string of ice cubes that travelled over my spine . She abruptly stopped , as did the zombies . They had kitchen knives and pans in their dirty hands and used them to attempt to hurt my fellow students . I gasped and turned around . Hayden 's eyes were fixed on the woman on the table with her staff and layered dress , looking like she was an evil gypsy . The truth was far worse . " Her name is Shafira . She 's a Voodoo priestess . " I returned my gaze to her as she stared at me with her blue eyes . They stood out as her skin was black . Her dreadlocks reached her lower back and she had feathers in her hair . When she grinned she looked both beautiful and cruel . " There you are , dear Valentina . I 've missed you so much as you can tell . " She jumped from the table with the grace of a panther and slowly headed my way , swaying as she moved . " I 'm sorry I had to grab your attention so violently , but what can I say ? I love any excuse to bring out my darlings . " She turned her head to one of the zombies and tickled him under his chin . He stood motionless , all life void from his body . He was wearing a dirt covered suit and his skin was still intact . " I 've been thinking lately , " Shafira purred . " And it would seem so much fun to put a curse on you as revenge for all the peril your parents have caused . What do you think ? " She screamed as smoke came from her hand . She fell to her knees as I kept pressing it against her skin . The zombies started moving again , while some students were pushing themselves into the far corner of the cafeteria . As Shafira 's eyes rolled back in her head I kicked her hard . She fell back several metres and hit a chair . She remained motionless , but she was alive which is why the zombies were still following her orders . I grabbed salt shakers from every round table near me and put them in my pockets . I unscrewed the lid of one of them and put salt in my hand . I dashed to the nearest zombie opened his mouth and put the salt in . He lowered his head and let the salt fall out . Then he shook his head and started heading to the doors . They ran , some injured while two remained motionless on the floor . I couldn 't be sure if they were dead because Shafira had gotten up . She growled . " You ! You have caused enough problems . " Another growl , only this time , it wasn 't her . It was a black panther that appeared behind her and started moving towards me . The panther started increasing its pace and was getting closer . I moved forward as well . " Here , kitty , kitty . " As the panther was ready to jump me I held up my hand , closed my eyes and blew the salt in its direction . It exploded around the creature and turned it into a small doll shaped like a cat . I caught it and petted it . " So cute , " I said . " You should really make me one of these . " " Not at all , but this will . " From my boots I grabbed a dagger studded with rubies . It looked more like a piece of art than a weapon . I held out the doll and put the dagger through it . The doll turned to ashes and vanished into the air . " This is what will happen to you too , Shafira . " I smirked . " Nice try . " Though Hayden wasn 't outside the cafeteria anymore , my shoulder bag was on the floor outside the double doors which had been pushed open by the scared students . I started running as Shafira circled above me . I slid across the shiny floor and was a few inches short as I held out my hand . " Figures , " I muttered and crawled over to my bag . Behind me , Shafira got ready to dive at me . Her beating wings sounded like fury . Before she reached me I pointed a silver revolver with a large barrel at her and smirked . Her eyes widened as I pulled the trigger . She exploded in a myriad of golden dust specks and I turned away , covering my face . Silence returned to the cafeteria and though the negative emotions that had accompanied her visit still hung in the air like bats , the mother bat was gone . I ran towards the window on the other side of the cafeteria . It couldn 't open , so I grabbed the dagger and tapped it against the glass . It created a spider web pattern of fractures and I pushed my finger against it . The glass shattered and fell to the other side . I jumped through it and landed on my feet in the flowerbed of violets . I turned in time to see Hayden en the security guard enter the room . I hugged my briefcase as we sat down in a corner of the bar . My eyes were no longer drawn to the unusual individuals that were laughing , drinking and chatting . Instead , my gaze was on Maddie , who was now sipping a green drink in a glass that was shaped like a flower . " Why all the questions ? Why am I supposed to be ready to answer questions . What does any of that have to do with getting out of here ? " " Right . It 's a journey . But a journey to what ? Where am I going ? Home ? Because that 's the only place I want to go to . " " Yes , but are you willing to get there , that 's the question . You said you were , but you 're not . Otherwise you would be by now . " Her voice had gotten softer , like the melody of a broken song . " They were , but just like decorations , at some point it all becomes one with the room . It blends in like it 's the most natural thing in the world . And maybe it is . Maybe it 's survival . Or acceptance . " " Are we there yet ? " I asked after what felt like an hour of walking . All this while my thoughts had taken a seat in my head and refused to leave . I hadn 't even realised Maddie had been whistling a tune . I rubbed my forehead and paused my thoughts for the moment . She stopped whistling as quickly as she stopped in her tracks . She turned around and took a step closer to me . Personal space was not a concept to her because our noses were almost touching . " Excellent , " she said loudly and dashed backwards . We had reached the bottom of a hill , where a large , broad willow stood . Its branches reached to the ground as if it was too sad to lift them to the sky . The tree grumbled something as if contemplating his answer . Then silence returned to the woods . One fly buzzed past me and hovered in front of the tree before doing the same with Maddie . She kept staring at the tree . " Yes . He . May . Pass . " The tree spoke slowly , interrupting any other thoughts I would have had about the fly that turned into yellow dust . " Take care . " I smiled and started walking up the sandy , dark path as I felt Maddie 's eyes on my back . It wasn 't until I reached the top when I turned around and all the orange trees had gone out below me and there was only a sea of darkness that had swallowed my peculiar friend . There was a well on top of the hill and the full moon shone enough light for me to see things clearly enough . Like the short grass that surrounded the well and the one flower that stood a few feet away from me . It was a tulip . They had been her favourite . I walked up to the well , feeling that this is where it would all begin . Or end , rather . I put down the briefcase on the bricked edge and took off the ribbon . Then I placed the briefcase on the soft grass and rested one hand on the cold stones of the well as I leaned forward and stared into nothing but black . It felt like it was staring back at me . And I wanted to see it , even though I also didn 't want to see it . I let go of the ribbon . " Forgive me . " The darkness swallowed the ribbon but I knew it was still descending , I knew it was getting closer and then I closed my eyes . When I opened them again I was at home . The home I had lived in with her and I looked at the calendar which hung above the bin in the country - style kitchen . It was that day . Today was that day . I heard her hum as she came down the stairs , always that same tune , that tune that I had missed so much . I felt the tears well up and blinked repeatedly so I could see her clearly when she waltzed into the room . And when she did I couldn 't help but shriek and run over to her , clinging to her tightly , inhaling her lavender scent and touch her golden hair that reached between her shoulder blades . " Yeah , I 'm fine , sorry . " I cleared my throat and let her go as I stared into her light - blue eyes that searched mine with curiosity and concern . Her eyes had been the clearest thing about her I 'd remembered , I 'd see those every night as I woke up from my nightmare . I touched her cheek . " I 've missed you . " And I kissed her hard and soft at the same time . When I pulled back there was even more confusion written on her face . " Are you sure you 're okay ? You know I just saw you when I woke up , right ? " Her mouth unfolded into a smile and I held her close again . I swallowed and felt like somewhere inside my stomach I was being set on fire . " Err , are you sure that you want to go ? Maybe you can stay home and - " my voice trailed off . I knew these words wouldn 't help . This wasn 't a second chance , this was a second viewing . Front row seat . A chance to say what I needed to say , a chance to see it very clearly . " No , no , I can 't do that . I have a very important day , I told you . " She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek . She then grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and tucked it into her bag . " I 'll see you tonight , have a nice day . " The fire in the pit of my stomach grew wider . " Wait . " I followed her to the door where she had her coat over her arm and my car keys in her hand . " What are you talking about ? You really did have a bad dream , didn 't you ? " She frowned and handed me her coat and the car keys . " Hold this . " From her hair wrist she undid a pink ribbon and she bent down next to the stairs where my briefcase was . She tied the ribbon around the handle and stood back up . " There , it 's a lucky ribbon and it will keep your nightmares and worries at bay . " She kissed me on my lips and grabbed the coat and the keys . " Now I really have to go or I 'll be super late . " " Don 't worry , it 's not your fault . Sometimes things just happen . It 's called bad luck . " She waved at me before the door closed behind her . " It 's not my fault , " I repeated and closed my eyes . " It just happened . " The next images that flew through my mind were of the phone call , the hospital , the doctor , the funeral . And finally there was nothing but black around me . My eyes were closed . I lifted my eyelids as they fluttered against the harsh lights of the carriage . Outside the window was the familiar sign that indicated I had arrived at my local train station . " I 'm home , " I yelled with unexpected enthusiasm . I got up and ran out while the doors were still open . It was like the train had been waiting for me . The doors closed soon after I stood on the platform and I embraced the chilly breeze that swept right through me . We walked for a whole minute in total silence when Maddie began to hum a tune . She even added a little hop every once in a while . All the while I thought about what I could say to her , what I could ask her , but somehow all the words in my head crashed into each other and became a tangled mess . I looked at Maddie who had placed her slender claw - like fingers on her chin . " It seems like a riddle , don 't you think ? Something that can trick you before your eye can blink . " She laughed like a broken violin again . Maddie 's lips burst into a smile , this time revealing her teeth as white as bone . " Whatever you say , my friend . Your way is my way and therefore always the right way . " I curled my hands into fists . " Okay , this is too weird and I can 't take it anymore . I don 't care what happens . I don 't care if you 're a crazy serial killer that wants to kill me , but just tell me where I am , how I got here and who you are ! " I breathed heavily and became aware of the red ribbon that danced against my wrist because of the breeze that rushed through these woods . " My , my , why didn 't you tell me you were scared , I don 't want you to think I never cared . " She placed her hand in front of her mouth . " Oops , once you start rhyming it 's hard to stop . " She put her fingers together and started to pace around me . " Well , it 's kind of your place . And kind of mine . It 's like your subconscious is visiting my world . Only it 's not really your subconscious , you are in fact really here . But your part of this world is made up out of your subconscious . And now we get to try and bring you home . " " Most definitely . This world is a journey , not a destination . " Maddie touched the rim of her hat . " The question is , which way do you want to go ? " She pointed to the signs . " Something like that . " Maddie gestured to the left path and then to the right . She held up her hands like a scale and moved them up and down . " Which one is the right one , George ? " The shrubs rustled and rustled like something huge was trying to come through . I was afraid to speak and held my briefcase in front of my chest . Whatever it was , I would fight it . I would make it - We both followed the deer off the trail to a small pond and a large oak tree with a door . The deer stopped at the pond and turned to me . " Normal reflections show you the opposite of what is true , but here it shows you the opposite of what is false . " With that statement the young deer dashed off and disappeared between the shrubbery and trees . I looked at the oak tree and its door , the pond and back at Maddie . " What did the deer mean ? " I scratched my head . " Never thought I 'd say that in my life . " " I really think you should . You 'll get it back as soon as you 're done . I 'll guard it with my life , if that 's what you want . " This made the muscles in my neck relax as I stepped closer to the pond and kneeled . I looked into my reflection , but didn 't see anything . Just the clear water that reflected some of the light behind me . I leaned in closer and just before I was ready to turn back to Maddie a hand shot up from the water , grabbed me by the face and pulled me in . I tried to scream and flung my arms and legs . Nothing happened and I could still breathe . When I opened my eyes , I was sitting in an office with a sofa , bookcases , a mahogany desk and diplomas on the wall . " It is , because it troubles you so . Sharing is caring . Why don 't you tell me what 's beneath the surface ? " His voice was heavy and his eyes light . I wanted to protest and shout , but instead I blinked a few times and sat back into the sofa . My limbs began to feel heavier . " I don 't now … she 's gone . She left me . " " I don 't know . I don 't remember . She was just gone one day , all her stuff was still there , her scent was still there , but she never came back to me . I don 't know why . I don 't know why . " " Hmm . " The man scribbled some more . " Are you sure you don 't remember ? I think you do , you just have to open that door . " I blinked and stared at it , unsure if it was real or just my imagination . I looked back at the man , but he 'd disappeared . The entire office had disappeared and there was nothing but me and that door . The door hummed . I stretched out my hand and touched the door handle . The door started vibrating and I pulled my hand away . The moment I did I was launched backwards , feeling the cold air around me before hitting the ground but instead of embracing a rush of pain , the ground lowered under my weight and then shot me back up like a trampoline . I waved my arms in the air and somehow managed to land on my feet , but this time the ground stayed as it was . " Holy hell , " I said . I felt my arms and stomach to make sure I wasn 't hurt and then glanced around for Maddie . She was nowhere to be seen , but the door in the tree was ajar . I walked around the pond and edged closer to the door . My hand trembled as I grabbed the door knob , what would I find this time ? Inside the tree were a few wooden steps that led downstairs to a big place that looked like a bar of some sort . Strings with white - coloured lights hung up on the wooden ceiling and the place was packed with strange - looking people . A woman dressed in a yellow dress with actual flowers at the bottom and butterflies in her hair . She had green lipstick on and her eyes were purple . She winked at me as she passed me . I scanned the people at a nearby table , taking in the snake that was wrapped around the neck of silver - haired woman when Maddie 's distinct laughter drew my gaze to the bar . She was talking to a man who only had one eye in the middle of his head . My briefcase was placed on the seat next to her . I sighed with relief and dashed towards it . She looked up , her eyes widening as she saw me . " George , you made it back . That 's too bad , you seemed like you might be ready . " She took a sip of her drink . " Oh , well , I suppose the journey continues then . First , I 'll get you a drink . You 're gonna need one . " He touched his purple tie as his eyes danced over his reflection . The colour of his thick , black hair was broken in its evenness by the white streaks around his temples . His eyes were fern green in colour , drawing immediate focus to that part of his face , instead of his full lips or the scar that ran through them . He had been told that he resembled a mafia boss in his expensive suits , with his piercing stare and the overall darkness that drifted around him like a heavy perfume . He walked over to the door in three long strides and opened it . Before him stood a young woman , in her twenties , with short , bleached blonde hair and a shiny stud in her nose . Her eyes were surrounded by eyeliner and black eye shadow while her soft lips were stained by blood red lipstick . The autumn wind blew past her and she shivered . No coat on , just her mini skirt and a see - through shirt that showed her black bra . " Well , this is not what I expected , " the girl said . She had glanced around the room in one sweeping motion , practically twirling . " Fancy man like you in a cheap motel like this . " Laughter broke free from the girl 's mouth like it had been trying to escape for a while . It sounded fruity , just like her voice . " University , that 's a good one . " She walked over to the end of the double bed and glanced at a white plastic bag . " Costume or props ? Or both ? " Her eyebrow - shaven off and then drawn on - rose across her forehead . " Clean underwear , clothes and perfume . " He turned the cold glass in his hands as he approached her with slow steps . " I want you to take a shower and come back with those clothes on . " " Marci . " She grabbed the bag and winked before disappearing into the small bathroom . Not long after that the sound of crashing water against the shower curtain and her body travelled through the stale air of the motel room . She inched closer to the bed . " It kinda feels like I 'm going to a funeral . And it 's not very … revealing . " She made a circular motion around her chest . " I even sprayed it on my hair . It makes the scent hang around you much longer . " She leaned in even closer and rested her hand on his thigh . She put the glass to her lips and tilted back her head , letting the cold liquid cascade into her mouth until the ice cubes were the only thing left . They clung together as if they were afraid of losing each other . She handed back the glass as an unseen thread pulled her lips into a grin . " Well , feel free to teach me . " She slid her arm across his back , wrapping her hand around his shoulder and pulling him close as her lips crashed into his warm cheek . She repeatedly kissed the soft skin , working her way to his ear . It seemed like her lips were attached to his skin with an elastic band , not able to pull away for long . " I know you are . I requested the new one . " A shadow of obscurity passed in his eyes . " But I need you to listen . All I want to do is talk about honest things , eventually falling asleep next to each other . Understand ? " Graham narrowed his eyes as he searched hers . If there were answers in there , he couldn 't find them . Her eyes portrayed the emptiness of a desert . There was still a warmth , though . A certain kindness that hadn 't died yet . She bit her bottom lip and stared at the grey carpet . " I think … I think I 'd wish that my mother would have been a nice person . And you ? " A frown formed between Marci 's drawn on eyebrows . She lifted up her hand and placed it on his , using her thumb to stroke his knuckles . As the silence settled between them like specks of dust , she pulled back her hand . " Okay , next question . " Her lips parted . She cleared her throat and shifted on the bed . Words formed in her mind and were pushed into her mouth . They hung off her lips like water drops , on the verge of falling into freedom . Instead of letting them fall , she ran her smooth tongue over her lips , retracting the words into her warm mouth . She cleared her throat again . " What about you ? " " You 're a man of secrets . I like that . " She grinned . " But I should warn you , I 'm really good at uncovering secrets . " " I 'm sure you are . " He stood up slowly , as if unsure he should be moving in the first place . His legs transported him to the end of the room where he poured her a glass of water with ice cubes . He didn 't say anything but took her glass and put it to her lips . He titled the glass and watched the rest of the water pour into her mouth . Some of it streamed down her chin . " It 's okay , " Graham said in his most soothing voice . He put the glass on the ground and in one smooth gesture , he picked her up in his arms . He hummed a tune and laid her out on the bed . Her legs together , her arms at her side and her hair brushed out of her face . " I have an unusual job , though similar to what you do in the sense that it 's a necessary evil . I don 't know what you did , maybe you didn 't do anything , but I don 't care to know either way . I just get paid . " He stroked her cheek . " I just always use a gun , this time I prefer something more gentle . Like I said , it 's a special day . " He kissed her forehead . " I 'm sorry , " he said , but the words drifted into oblivion as she 'd already slipped away into another world . And all he could do was hope that it indeed was what she wanted . To be in a world far lighter than this one . One that would treat her much better . " I have a little bit of a problem . You see , I kind of like to run towards trouble . It all started when I was a teenager , when my mom was dating this dirt bag that liked to knock her about . I was barely at home , so I didn 't even realise it was going on , but one time I was listening to music in bed when I heard her scream and him yelling at her . It was quite the festivity as you can imagine . Anyway , without even thinking about it I stormed out of my room and just jumped him , scratching , kicking and even biting him until he bled . So what do you think happened ? " " She starts crying . Crying ! " I hold out my hands for emphasis . " Like that is going to do anything . Did you see me cry ? No , I acted , because that 's what you do when you feel very strongly about something … like wanting to protect someone you love . But no , not her . I was in a coma for three months before I woke up . Know what I did when I got back on my feet ? " I slurped on my lemonade . " I set their house on fire . " I slurped again . " They survived and had some scars and absolutely no possessions or a home . Serves them right , no ? " " Here 's the thing , though . I got away with it , so I guess the moral of the story is , when you run towards trouble , at least make sure you can punch it before it starts running after you . " I wink . I place the gun on the table . " Just to explain how I became a bounty hunter and that you 're totally under citizen 's arrest right now . " I flash him a smile . " Thanks for the lemonade , though . " " Heads , we get married ; tails , we break up . " I held the coin in my trembling hand . Our lucky coin . The one that had brought us together . Would it keep us together forever or force us apart this time ? I flipped the coin . It seemed to twirl in the air in slow motion , taunting us . For a brief moment our eyes met , a hint of fear and hope in her pine green eyes . My mind transported me to the moment we first met . It was a Tuesday afternoon and the weather indicated that the Gods were angry . Rain was pouring down like it intended to drown us . The sound of thunder struck all the way through to my bones . The windscreen wipers were working hard to fight off the smashing raindrops that attempted to disrupt my vision of the small country road that I was on . Wipe , wipe , wipe . The road was muddy and I was driving too fast . My knuckles were white . Perhaps if I drove fast enough I could escape it all . Can you outrun your problems ? Can you outrun your life ? It was too late when I saw the dark green Mini Cooper parked at the side of the road . I jerked on the steering wheel and hit the break at the same time . The car slipped and ended up against the wooden gate that set apart the paddock . Smoke came from the bonnet and I tried starting the car again without success . When I glanced back , the green Mini Cooper was still parked , unharmed . The rain made it hard to make out , but I saw a person in red . Vicious raindrops settled in the fabric of my black suit and travelled over the pores of my face . I slammed the door and came from behind my car . A slushing sound as my leather shoes got sucked into the mud . " I know , don 't go with strangers right ? Tell you what , let 's flip a coin for it . Heads is you go with me ; tails is we go our separate ways . " She grabbed a coin from her purse and handed it to me . " It 's my lucky coin . Go ahead . " A smile grew on her face . In one swift motion Yumi Yoshida turned around . There was nothing to see , the car park was empty except for her Yamaha motorcycle and one dark Mercedes . She heard the sound of a howling dog again . It sounded like it came from the adjoining park . If you could even call it that , it was just trees and a sea of grass stretched out as far as the eye could see . Nothing but total darkness surrounded the car park and the pub she was heading towards . Yumi turned back and kept her eyes on the pub . She had been here before to check out the place , but she hadn 't yet been inside . The ice cold wind caused her to shiver and she quickened her pace . She could hear the rapid tapping sound of her high heels on the pavement that was still wet from the rain earlier that evening . She brushed her hair out of her face and checked her watch . It was exactly midnight . A few lampposts poorly lit up the car park . From a distance it would seem like the pub and car park were floating in darkness , like a miniscule planet floating in space . Walking in an empty car park towards a pub that was situated on a hill in the middle of nowhere at midnight may have sparked fear in any woman in her late twenties but not in Yumi Yoshida . She was the kind of woman who could handle herself . She had moved to London from Kyoto when she was ten and ever since she turned eighteen she had been moving around the country doing what she did best . She reached the back of the establishment and stepped into a red telephone box that was placed at the left corner . There was an old , wet newspaper on the floor with a distorted picture of some child , and the phone was hanging off the hook . It smelled like urine and coffee . Yumi picked the phone up by the cord and took out a handkerchief to clean the phone before putting it to her ear . A brief moment later she stepped out of the telephone box and walked to the front of the building . She stopped to look inside . It was a small pub with bad lighting . The radio was playing popmusic in the background . Behind the bar stood a middle aged bartender cleaning a couple of beerglasses , she couldn 't see his face . In the reflection of the window , she saw her long , dark hair frame her face . Her long fringe covered her eyebrows and beneath the dark strands she could see her lightblue contacts . She only ever put them in when she had to work . She stepped inside and smelled fish , chips and grease . She walked straight on to the only other person sitting in the pub . His back was turned towards her . " Is this seat taken ? " she asked and sat down without awaiting a reply . " Go ahead , " said the man and pushed his glasses back . It was a man in his thirties with short , sandy hair and hazelnut eyes . He wore a grey suit with a deep - purple shirt and violet tie . " You must be … " He looked down at his coffee and moved in his chair . He then loosened his tie before he spoke again , somewhat softer than before . " Her name is Heather and here 's her picture . " From his breast pocket he took a picture and slid it to her side of the table . Yumi picked it up and saw it was a picture of them together , holding each other and smiling , happy and unaware . They seemed so at ease , so at home with each other no matter where they would be . How could it have come to this ? There is no such thing as true , unconditional love , except maybe with babies and dogs . She couldn 't help but wonder if it meant that the smarter you are , the less you become capable of loving . Yumi snorted . The man looked up . " I got it , " she said and wanted to slide the picture back but the man said : " No , keep it . I don 't need it anymore . " He then finished his coffee and they sat in silence for a moment . Yumi was observing him and couldn 't help but think he didn 't seem like the type of man who was capable of doing any harm . Usually she could tell for sure , and if she couldn 't she had time to shadow someone , but in this case everything had gone so fast . It seemed understandable considering the case . " No , I don 't . I 'm good at what I do , which means people are willing to pay for something I can give them . It 's that simple . " She just tapped her fingers on the table . It didn 't make a sound though , because she was still wearing her gloves . She narrowed her eyes at him . He had a frown on his face and was unconsiously tapping his indexfinger on his watch . " Life really is all about money , isn 't it ? " His voice sounded gentle . Yumi remained silent . He got up to go to the lavatory and excused himself . Yumi leaned back and let out a sigh . She still had the picture in her hand and looked at it again . She was actually thankful for the life she had , at least she had the chance to do something meaningful . After a couple of minutes she saw Mr . Stone coming out of the lavatory and got up . She gestured towards the exit and dropped a twenty pound note at the bar . Then she walked towards the door with Mr . Stone on her heels . Together they walked past the building back to the car park . Yumi closed her eyes when the cold wind struck against her face . She had kept on her leather jacket and gloves inside , which made the drop in temperature very welcome . " You said both was fine , but I brought cash with me . I figured that would be harder to trace , " Mr . Stone suddenly explained . He unlocked the car with his key fob as they nearly reached it . Yumi looked around and noticed it was still as deserted as when she had arrived . The car was right beneath a lamppost and when Mr . Stone opened a briefcase in the trunk she could clearly see all the money in it . " Half up front and after , right ? " He grimaced . Not in an evil way , but more like he was disguising his discomfort . He put his hand in his jacket and Yumi automatically reached for her gun . He took out a picture and handed it to her . It was the picture of a little boy . He had brown hair and freckles and his broad smile showed he was missing two front teeth . " Yes , he died a few months ago . My wife has always treated him very poorly , without me knowing . I was always at work and even though I noticed he was mostly quiet , I thought it was because he missed his mother . But then I found his diary and even though his death was technically an accident , I can 't help but feel she 's responsible . I can 't even look at her anymore and I don 't remember the last time I said more than a sentence to her . " Everything happened fast from that moment on . She 'd taken her knife and cut the palm of his hand . Following her instructions he had held his hand over the front seat of his car . He had put his tie around his hand to stop the blood from spilling on the ground . He left his car keys in the ignition and only took the briefcase . It didn 't matter if his wife thought she 'd taken the money . Now , he had a chance to start over . Yumi took a deep breath before stepping out in the cold wind . Her black hair moved fiercely in front of her face , dancing . She ripped up the picture of the happy couple and the wind blew away the pieces into the darkness . |
I realized today that I just report the facts . No mean feat considering just the facts are so emotional too . I gloss over so much , even then it hurts . My first d - day . Some would call it c - day . Confession over discovery . It 's a d - day to me . Devastating . Demoralizing . Dream - shattering . It was only a confession day because Sorry decided to force MrJJ 's hand . " Tell her or I 'll tell her in the most hurtful way possible . " What could hurt more than knowing your prince , your happily - ever - after , your man of honor loved someone else ? That someone else was your friend ? I 've written about it here before , that day . As I write it this time , iTunes has shuffled a song called " Friends and Love " into the playlist . I can 't even remember where it came from , it 's beautiful . Friends and love should be beautiful . This friend , this love … not beautiful . Watching one of those spy movies recently , I was wondering why I triggered . The woman was trying to escape someone , going in and out of buildings . I 've done that . Not life or death , but as it turned out , a part of me died that day . I sat in the floor of my closet , crying . I felt frumpy . She made me feel frumpy with her little comments , though I did not connect that until later . MrJJ stood over me , angry . What was my problem ? Please , please let 's go out … but not with her . Just us two . Just this once , I begged . We already invited her , she 's been having a hard time , you know that . You 're holding us up . It was a sneer , a disdain in the reply . I imagine that he also said they 'd go without me and I bustled , but that might not be the truth . It would fit with the whole picture . We went to Denny 's . I can 't remember ordering . I can 't remember anything but sitting next to the window , the morning sun streaming in . I think MrJJ sat next to me , but I couldn 't swear to it . There was some movement under the table . The wait for the food was forever , each moment a torment as we all just sat there . I don 't think I talked , all my memories come later . The movement under the table clicked something in me and I got up and left . The town wasn 't built up in that area yet . The black roads and drying fields yawned ahead of me . Everything seemed too bright to have shape . I hurried away , tears blurring things even more . Half a block down , I see they have gotten in the Jeep to follow me . I ducked into a Hardees , only to be told I 'm sorry , we 're closed for renovation . I look down at what looks like a Carl 's Jr . star . Huge and waiting to be hung . I was confused - those are from when I lived in California as a child , not here in rural NC . I stumbled out of the door and walked as fast as I could to the next building . A hotel . The confused faces of the staff blurred past me as I rushed upstairs , down the hall . I wanted to hide , there was nowhere to hide , just the maroon carpet and shut door . So I went down the other stairs , two flights of stark tan walls and stairs . I couldn 't even find an ice machine to hide behind . I rushed out , hoping MrJJ and Sorry were looking somewhere else . There they were , in the parking lot . I ran to the back of the hotel , hoping to escape there . The deep and wide ditch stopped me . There was nothing but a wide dying field ahead of me . No cover . As I teetered on the edge of the ditch , MrJJ came to me , pulled me to him and hugged me . Kissed the top of my head . Promised me he loved me and it would all be ok . MrJJ walked me to the Jeep , put me in , buckled me up and I leaned my head against the window , crying . When we pulled into our apartments , I begged him to drop her off at home . She couldn 't stay here . Of course she wasn 't staying , he said , I 'm dropping her off . Then do it , don 't leave me alone . Don 't worry , I 'll be right back , I love you . It felt like forever . This was before cell phones were ubiquitous . No choice but to wait . I don 't know why I didn 't call her house . I finally couldn 't take the torture . I gather all the pills in the house and some wine coolers . I got into my car , intending to drive down a long country road , take the pills with coolers and stuff the tailpipe of the car . Let someone find me , just let the pain go away . I got to the nearby community college and suddenly felt I had to turn around . It turns out that they were there , in a gazebo . Thought I had seen them . That 's the only reason MrJJ came home soon after I got home . The rest … well , i can be read here . I was left to die or not . I can feel the summer day almost like you can feel Maximus ' hand over the field in Gladiator . The same colors , same surreal reality . Five days before my birthday and I 'm left behind like the leftover filled Styrofoam boxes from Denny 's . By the time my birthday rolled around , celebrating my life was as unwanted as those leftovers . I was closer to death , slowly dying . I can see the wires protruding from the new Hardee 's sign . I can feel a blur of diners around me in Denny 's . This happened June 19 , 1999 . We buried it all almost immediately . The last year of a millennium , and here we are on the cusp of a new decade in the new millennium and I can still remember . Even buried , it was STILL there . If it won 't go away , how do I move away from it . I can 't randomly delete it . Those feelings , they come back . It 's a PTSD thing . The first time I saw a Hardee 's after the second affair came to light , I triggered . I didn 't know what it is , or what it was called at the time , but it was there . Now I 'm supposed to recover ? HOW ? How do you forget when you 've tried so hard and it WON ' T GO AWAY ? How do you heal sleeping next to the person who hurt you , let you hurt but won 't let you go - and won 't help you fight the demons he gave birth to in your dreams , in your life ? My father lost his wife this morning . Her daughter and son lost their mother . Her mother lost her daughter . We should never have to bury our kids , yet she is flying to my dad and the kids to discuss funeral arrangements . She was young . She had just gotten a nursing degree . She had a daughter to see go to the prom , get married , a son to watch graduate . Maybe even a daughter - in - law one day to frustrate . Possibly in the future , grandchildren to hold . We had so much in common . She always had a cheerful , bubbly hello for me when I called . She was such a blessing to my daddy and now she 's gone . Please , pray for my family , especially her daughter . The father is … fucked up . Pray that she will be put in custody with her grandmother , my dad , even her brother rather than the cruel man that is her father . It 's just a few years until she is of age , please pray she is able to live them in a loving and supportive environment . Sunday morning , MrJJ encouraged me to go to one of the churches I had picked out to try . I felt lonely every time I went alone . After the day before , I had hope and wanted to be close to him . Instead , he spent the day cleaning up his study , listening to a Hawaiian radio station streaming live through his computer . I 'd pop in now and then only to be brushed off . Pretty soon , it was only the kids that went in to greet MrJJ now and then . Sometime in the late afternoon , MrJJ went upstairs to go to the bathroom . He thought I was taking a nap . Urged by some inner sense , I went into his now clean study and touched his computer . The Hawaiian music was still playing as I went to the Hotmail site I had noticed weeks before . Unlike the last time , this time it allowed me to log on . All the emails were from one person , a woman named Harlot . Shaking , I forwarded all the emails sent and received . MrJJ had learned from the AOL incident and this time had deleted all emails as they came in and went out . The exception was that day . Harlot happened to be online at the same time as MrJJ and they volleyed emails back and forth while he hid from his family under the guise of cleaning . My heart was in my throat as I feverishly moved my evidence to my email account , then ran to my computer and changed my password . My vision began blurring , I was dizzy . I checked MrJJ 's email one more time and reeled , reading his email to her about how watching the movie " Click " the night before was making him reevaluate what was important in life . I agitatedly left , allowing him to clean up . He came into our bedroom and closed the door . I was calm , eerily calm . He confessed to an affair with Harlot . It had only been going on a little while , he claimed . They had sex once , a few weeks ago . Shocked that MrJJ admitted to sex with Harlot , I asked if he had had sex with Sorry all those years ago . I got a strenuous denial . We talked , who knows how long . I don 't even know what the kids were up to at that point , likely watching t . v . We took a break . I know now that he likely contacted her during that break , though he claims now he can 't remember . We talked more when the kids were in bed . I revealed how I had put all the blame on myself for our distance . I had shopped for sex toys , our first ever . By the time they came he had rejected me so often , I just packed them away . I was trying to be who he seemed to want . I was searching for answers , never knowing that the problem was something I couldn 't have changed . Every loving action , every attempt at growing closer , was twisted by him . Or , if he shared it with her , she found a way to twist it . I was fighting a losing battle , one I did not even know I was in . He promised to ' take a break ' from her so he could concentrate on our marriage and family . So he could decide without undue influence . I fell into his arms . I don 't know why . I had always said I would leave if it happened again . Here it was , worse than before . Yet I yearned for him . We had passionate sex that night . What I now know is termed as ' hysterical bonding ' . That dual need to feel wanted and to claim your territory . At the time , it was so uplifting . I had had my d - day . Discovery day . Unbeknownst to me , I was yet again on the early discovery ride . Stops include rounds of trickle truth , minimizing , blame - shifting , gas - lighting , fence - sitting , and ( as I found out later ) cake - eating . I will explain all of those in the next posts . If you are a betrayed spouse , or suspect you are , I highly recommend checking out some of my links . Each affair is different , but they all follow the same script . Leonardo DiCaprio may have played a modern Romeo , swords may have been replaced with guns , but the lines were still the same . So it is with affair partners . All to excuse the inexcusable . Each time , each word , each careless phrase , is a bomb into the betrayed heart . Everything will be said to protect the affair and its participants , no matter that the betrayed will be obliterated until our tears feel like they are rivers of blood . Each d - day is its own pain , own destruction . I am two years away from the one I share here and my heart still quakes reliving it . I can go to that day in June ' 99 and feel the utter devastation of having the man I love tell me he loved my friend . It is like an emotional time machine . Suddenly I am standing in the doorway to my bedroom and its the first Sunday of December ' 06 . My husband is telling me that the woman he is seeing is everything I am not . Believe me when I say , there is a mark left on you forever . Then I began to look around and try to get into the community . I did not want it to be like it was in Hawai ' i . I started a mom 's group based on my interests in attachment parenting . I found a couple of playgroups and tried them out , I started to go to Weight Watchers and I began to explore the streets I ran my errands on . I amped up my little at home business of sewing and crafting . I did the mom thing like I never had before . I juggled appointments , tried to keep our home nice , attempted to socialize even out of my comfort zone . All the while , MrJJ began to come home later and later , blaming new traffic patterns . I knew for sure we had a problem when I tried to kiss him and he turned his face . I couldn 't say anything that night , but I confronted him the next day . In a series of emails he said that it was obvious I didn 't love him any more and wanted a divorce . He kept pushing it . I begged for marriage counseling instead . He kept dragging his feet . Desperate , I ordered some sex toys . We had never used anything beyond bodypaint . I wanted to be what he needed and if that was it , I was going to be that . By early November I realized I was pregnant . There was a faint positive on the test , I hadn 't been charting but I knew the signs and knew the last time we had sex we had cut it too close to ovulation . I was torn . I had wanted a third , I had a third . Now though , I was looking at being a single mom to two and one on the way . I began making plans to free myself . To go back to our old college town where I had a church and support . In the meantime I sought out a church nearby . I 'm not even sure I can define the misery I felt during September ' 06 and the end of the year . I would crawl into the bathroom in the middle of the night , shutting the two doors between myself and my sleeping family . I would howl silently , beating myself on the breastbone for maximum pain , minimum bruising . Not that MrJJ would have noticed anyway . He had all but completely checked out from the entire family . One day , when I was maybe seven weeks along , I began cramping . My period started and it was awful . The same tissues were present as the time I lost an early pregnancy right before I conceived Sweet Daughter I had no reason to hide this secret anymore . I had kept it to myself , I didn 't want MrJJ to feel trapped in a marriage that he didn 't want due to a baby being on the way . I told him , that night - days later - I can 't remember . He was sad for me , said I could have told him , he would have understood . It was a turning point of sorts . I had seen glimpses of my husband in the weeks prior . This was new . He took an interest in us . I still felt isolated . I lost my baby . Not ours , mine . One night soon after that I was in the bathroom again . The pain was so palpable that I couldn 't believe my family couldn 't feel it . My body shook with sobs , cried into my bitten lips . My hands were trying to beat the pain out of my chest . I cried out for help . What I was given was the revelation of small demon - like creatures . They had pointed ears and faces . Their hands were like claws . They had razor sharp teeth and they were tugging at me . Trying to pull me to that brink of suicide that I had been to before . Then , a thought in my head . " Moment by Moment " . I realized , moment by moment I could live through anything . I bought a posey ring to remind me . Divorced or married , I needed to adjust my life to moment by moment . If not for myself , for my kids . I thought I had found a church , but they were unwilling to provide the help our first church had . So , I contacted my old pastor and his wife . They prayed over me and reminded me , prayers are our moment to moment in this life . I cooked my first from scratch Thanksgiving dinner . Always until then we had gone to the in - laws or a friends . I did cook a dinner in Hawai ' i , but part of it was take - out from a local restaurant . Sweet Daughter had just had oral surgery the day before and MrJJ missed it due to training to prepare to go to Iraq . I pulled out all the stops and made sure I had his favorites . He was kind , complimentary and loving . I did fall apart a little when I was cooking all morning and nobody spoke to me , then again during clean up . There was a blip that day . Creep , the pseudo - sexual encounter guy had found my ( other ) blog . From that , he found my MySpace page . I had a tracker on the blog and could see he searched for his old username . As if I would mention him in a blog about my life ten years later . I didn 't even like to remember him . He sent a fishing message through MySpace . He didn 't sign his name and I only knew it was him due to the blog tracker . I told MrJJ and deleted the message , blocking him . MrJJ got very angry and kept insisting there was more between Creep and myself if he looked me up after all this time . I was so deep in denial I honestly kept insisting there wasn 't . All I remembered after nearly a decade was the disgusting way he kissed , a feeling of intense shame and relief when MrJJ knocked on my door . The next weekend we went to get our Christmas tree . It was one of two happy family outings between September and December . The other was a trip to a local pumpkin farm and corn maze . On both outings I felt my husband might actually love me . I tried not to give myself false hope . In the store , he put his hand on the small of my back to guide me through the crowds . I put more into that protective gesture than maybe I should have . When we got home , he was happy and loving and insisted on taking so many pictures of me . To understand how this loss of memory from this time gets to me , you should know I remember things . I remember when my mom was out with her ' boyfriend ' and dad was driving us around drunk saying he was going to take us kids and " go AWOL " . I remember looking out into the dark dessert night and wondering what AWOL meant . Wishing he would stop scaring us and let us just run and play , even if it was to make ' sand angels ' in the sand under the stars . Something to be happy . I remember Mom 's wedding day . I 'm pretty sure she went to the courthouse to sign the divorce papers and stayed to marry her boyfriend . We were left with some people we didn 't know and watched " The Fog " . I resented not being included , being left behind for someone else to take care of me . And like my other memory , I reverted to childhood play . Late the next morning , I found myself outside in the drizzling rain , making fairy houses from twigs and leaves . Sometime later I called MrJJ 's father as I guessed MrJJ would be there . He wasn 't . I called his mom and remember being thereto visit with her . She 's two hours away . I don 't remember the drive there or back . MrJJ came home , I think he was gone two nights . That first one and another . Just said he had been with friends . I can 't remember … was he loving ? Was he cold ? I had classes , he had work . I asked to ride in together . I remember the song " How do I live " came on the radio and I started crying . MrJJ reached over and turned it off with a snap . It was real early but I planned to wait until the campus counseling center opened up . But I couldn 't wait . I was falling apart all over again . I desperately called my old boss , Patience She was the owner of the Christian daycare I worked at for years before I decided to move on to teaching high school . She comforted me , prayed with me and led me to Christ . I had to know that even when everyone else in my life left , there was Someone there for me . I can 't even remember the prayer we prayed . I went in and was assigned a counselor . I found it disconcerting , she had something wrong with her eyes , I couldn 't tell if she was fully blind or just very vision impaired . A seeing eye dog sat at her feet . I wish she had addressed the issue as I felt it would be rude to ask . I don 't remember getting much help out of those sessions . They had to end when the summer ended and I was not longer in school . I really needed more , but I couldn 't afford to go anywhere else . I could have gone to the county mental health center but Sorry was the receptionist there . Any appointment would have to go through her . My peace came from Patience She gave me the number to her pastor and he agreed to do marriage counseling . MrJJ and I went in , it was actually good and we felt closer . MrJJ kept talking about resentment for what I had done in ' 97 , pushing him out . I had worked hard at pushing the shameful memory into the deep recesses in my mind , so I was just aghast that he resented me for insisting he leave or stop hurting me . MrJJ also said that the fact I was agnostic until recently disturbed him . He had been confirmed Catholic in boot camp yet I had gone to Mass more than he had . I worked in a Christian daycare , he had an emotional affair with a woman that would say " G - d Dammit " and laugh just to see her husband flinch . And he was mad at me for seeking a religion that accepted me as a woman like he was accepted as a man . The Pastor G eventually became our pastor . The first thing he did was assert we were both willing to have Christ in our lives and our marriage . The second was to create a list of the wrongs we had done each other and forgive each other . I knew there was something to say about Creep 's visit in ' 97 , but I held back to see what MrJJ said about Sorry There was ' nothing ' so I said nothing . I was doing my best to show MrJJ how much I loved him . Little notes , small gifts . I couldn 't help but cry though whenever MrJJ came to me with something he had talked about with Sorry . At one point he sternly told me to stop with the overt affection and the show of pain . It was manipulative apparently . So I journaled , not even daring to write the words in my secret thoughts . Even now , reading the notes and entries from that time can bring back to a sinking heart and breath that catches in my throat , threatening to choke me . We went to counseling . At one point our pastor mentioned that Sorry and Jerk had come in . Apparently Sorry sullenly told them that she wasn 't planning on working on the marriage . MrJJ nodded and said he knew . He had told her if there was a chance for them , she had to try to work on her marriage first so he wouldn 't feel badly about ruining a marriage . Even though she refused , MrJJ continued to talk to her . One night while we were kissing and talking under the stars by a local pond , MrJJ mentioned that he had jokingly mentioned to Sorry that the solution was the " Chasing Amy " solution . As I recoiled from the thought , he told me that Sorry had eagerly said , " Yeah , I could do Jem ! " MrJJ gave me a look , realized I was disgusted and played it off like it was a joke . Another night MrJJ casually mentioned that Sorry had offered to help me . Help me ? How ? By helping to teach me how to keep him of course . Funny , she didn 't " have him " so just what lessons was she planning on teaching me ? Quite a few times he tried to talk me into turning to Jerk , who was going through the same pain I was and needed help … could understand . Why would I want anything to do with either of them ? MrJJ seemed somewhat relieved I refused to talk and would either cuss and fume when either of them called or just hang up . Eventually , I heard less and less about " Sorry said … " and it became more and more about us . One day , MrJJ got a phone call . He had finally been hired by the company he wanted to work for . He would begin as a federal police officer , but it meant getting his foot in the door and moving up . He told me , " You know what this means ? This means I stay with you . " I was relieved to finally have an answer one way or the other . MrJJ told me that he had been praying and he ' told God ' that getting the job would be a sign that he was meant to be with me . MrJJ told Sorry that we would be moving . That it was completely over between the two of them . She got upset and demanded money for the cell phone she had purchased him . MrJJ came home and told me that we had to pay her over $ 200 and why . I was flabbergasted . He had a cell phone this entire time and I didn 't even know it . I went to search for it in his car . I found a shirt that she had bought him . I found a CD of 98Degrees " The Hardest Thing " and I found pictures of her . One with her lounging on the bed in short shorts … on her honeymoon . And a couple of her from her high school cheerleader days . I demanded it all be thrown away . He told me he had to give her back the pictures , that she had asked for the CD back when he gave up on them and he was keeping the shirt . " Why ? " I cried , " When you don 't even wear the shirt I bought you ? " So we drove to her apartment and he went in to give her the check for the money . He insisted , saying it was the best way to get her out of our lives . He also returned the pictures , but not the CD . He said that would just be thrown away . I still wish he had given it to her , so she knew it was over , like she requested . Of course , the lyrics are awful if you are the wife that feels like a second choice . A choice by chance . At her apartment , I stayed in the car . He was up there for maybe fifteen minutes , but it felt like forever to me . MrJJ came back and told me that she cried and asked if I would talk to her . She knew she couldn 't have him , but she missed our friendship . Of course I refused and MrJJ looked relieved . One summer morning I sat in our closet , I couldn 't find anything to wear because I felt unattractive , unloved and unlovable . I tearfully told MrJJ I did not want to go out with Sorry that morning . I just wanted to stay home . Him . Me . Talking . Having sex . Just being together . MrJJ insisted the plans had already been made , we couldn 't stand her up . I sat next to MrJJ waiting for our order at Denny 's . We normally sat across from each other so we could look at each other . But Sorry was across from us . I could swear I felt her try to reach out to touch his foot with hers . There was something I couldn 't put my finger on . The looks they gave each other , it was as if I wasn 't there . As usual , Denny 's was taking forever . I suddenly couldn 't take it anymore . I was still in denial . My mind was retreating . So my body did too . I got up and fled from the truth . I ran to the fast food joint next door . I saw MrJJ looking for me , so I tried to run in there . Closed for renovation . I ran to a nearby hotel , tried to hide in there . I waited . I came out . MrJJ was waiting in the parking lot , Sorry in the car . I tried to run across the field , tried to get anywhere . MrJJ caught me . He held me in his arms . He kissed me and cradled me and told me that yes , he loved me . Yes , we would work on our marriage . I nestled in his arms and looked past him . Sorry was standing with her arms crossed . A scowl on her face . Even then , the truth , the words would not form in my head . It was all her I thought . MrJJ wouldn 't go there . Not and still hold me like this . We drove home . MrJJ dropped me off first and was supposed to drop Sorry off . I waited . And waited . Those words still were banned from my mind . I did gather all the pills in the apartment . I sat in my car . I contemplated how to do it . A country road I thought . MrJJ and I always talked about going down a long country road . It was a joke and a promise . We had done it one starlit night . Well , today it would be a different country road for a different purpose . I got in my car with the pills , cloth to stuff in the tailpipe and a drink . I drove down the road , heading away from town . Vaguely I remembered two girls had been found killed somewhere near this area . I wondered if I would be drawn to that place . As I drove past the community college , my mind clicked in . The unthinkable wasn 't happening to me . I had to take a chance I was mistaken . I could do it later if it wasn 't true . I turned around in the parking lot of the community college and headed home . Soon after , MrJJ came home . He sat on the couch , his eyes sad . He told me , " We have to talk . " I remembered the last time he told me that . I thought it would be bad news but it turned out to be the best news - he loved me . Surely it would be the same this time . Nothing awful could happen after he held me like that earlier . I hit him , I pummeled him as much as I possibly could . I wanted to cause him pain like I was feeling . He just put his arms over his head and took it . There was no way my 5 ' 3 frame could cause his 6 ' 3 frame the pain that was destroying me at that moment . At some point I stopped and just started sobbing . I went to the bathroom , got the pills . Got into my car where my drink was waiting . MrJJ came out , saw me sitting there , dazed . MrJJ called the ER . They told him to give me syrup of ipecac and monitor me . He rushed to the store and got some . He stayed with me until I threw up for the first time . Then he left . I think for two days . It 's all a blur . He was gone . I was alone . I lay on the couch , dazed , out of it . Some of the pills had had a chance to get into my system . My body was heavy . I kept drifting in and out of consciousness . I got up to throw up . I cursed the fact all my pills were gone . I looked for his gun and couldn 't find it . I went back to the bathroom . I looked into the mirror , trying to determine if my pupils were dilating . What I saw freaked me out . Someone else was looking back from behind my eyes . There was me . Then there was someone else . Someone who felt wrong . I stumbled my way to the other end of our apartment building and walked into the open door of my neighbors and friends , B . and Olive They were in the process of moving . Brawn had a friend helping while Olive was at work . He was clueless , didn 't get my slurred ramblings . He called Olive and put me on the phone with her . She talked to me then firmly said , " Put Brawn on the phone . " I did . I could hear her tell him what I had done and to take care of me . Brawn sat me in the living room as they loaded the truck . When the first load was ready , they loaded me in like another piece of furniture . When the got to their new home , I was put on the floor of the living room like yet another box . I just sat there . They dragged me back and forth until Olive came home . I don 't remember anything after that . Top Posts Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights adultery armchair psychology beginnings betrayal betrayed depression infidelity Journal Before During After life media pain recovery Uncategorized Blog at WordPress . com . • betrayed but recovering Blog at WordPress . com . Post to |
Fairy tales and folklore are a part of all of our childhoods , so each week I will be presenting a new adaptation of a classic story in the hopes that it will entertain , amuse , and maybe even take you back to a time when true love , magic powers , talking animals , high adventure , and happy endings all seemed possible . I hope you enjoy it . I think you will . EMAIL : face4077 @ insightbb . com Some of you who know me well may recognize this little guy as Leroy . He is a character I have been drawing for some years now and he has proved very popular among my friends and family . I for one have grown very fond of him over the years , which is why I decided to introduce his story to this collection . Now , obviously , this isn 't exactly a " fairy tale " in the strictest sense , but I don 't think Puss in Boots or Red Riding Hood will mind letting Leroy into the club . Because if the Dreamworks movie Madagascar has taught us anything , it 's that nothing saves a mediocre story like penguins ! I do not know if you have ever been to Antarctica , but if you have not , I have some advice for you : Do not go to Antartcia . Trust me , you will not enjoy it . There 's just nothing to do there . I mean , like , really . Nothing . There 's nothing there ! I don 't mean like all the bars and hangouts and stuff are lame or you can 't get good Chinese food , I mean there is literally nothing there at all ! ! ! I can tell you about ice , it 's cold it 's hard and it 's easy to slip on it and fall on your butt ( which hurts ) . It 's white and boring and , I don 't care what they say about global warming , it 's not getting ' any toastier down there . Which means that Antarctica has only one thing going for it as a tourist location , and , to be fair , it 's a pretty good draw : And what 's not to love about penguins ? Cute and cuddly , yet dignified and noble . Classy in both dress and demeanour , and , as you can see , possessed of an excellent sense of humor : I never get tired of that ! Not only hilarious pranksters , penguins are dreamers . Oh yes , for , you see , deep within the heart of every young Antarctican penguin , there is a single , burning desire . A most sincere wish . A great passion and a dream which guides us through the dark nights of our native Antarctica . And it 's this : To get the heck out of Antarctica ! As I said , it 's no fun . And for an ambitious young penguin with dreams that don 't fit on an ice floe it 's darn near intolerable . No libraries , no cinemas , no bookshops , no coffee bars , not even a Wal - Mart for flip 's sake ! If it weren 't for those guys who came down to work in that weather station , I may never have even seen a book ! I mean , they were real nice to me , they … Oh , I 'm sorry . I think I forgot to tell you something : My name is Leroy , and this is my story . I guess , to look at me , you wouldn 't think I was too remarkable . I 'm kinda short , maybe a little chubby , black , white , birdlike . But if you took the time to get to know me , I like to think you 'd be able to tell how special I am . All my life , I 've felt different from other penguins . Not just because I don 't like fish . Not just because I 'm not a strong swimmer . Not even because of my asthma ( which we just called the " Wheezing Sickness " cuz we had never heard of it before ) . It was something else that set me apart from my fellow birdies . True , we all would have liked to see something besides Antarctica , but I felt there was something bigger out there . But whenever I tried to explain what was in my heart to the other penguins , they just looked at me like I was crazy . But then those weather station guys turned up and shared their books and music and we even had movie night every Wednesday . I 'll never forget the first movie we ever watched , mainly because it was the first movie I ever watched … like ever . You probably know it : It 's about a girl in Kansas who goes over a rainbow and ends up in another world . I was transfixed ! Here I was , a simple penguin , dreaming of a world that I had no proof even existed , and this movie comes along and says everything I 'm thinking more clearly than I ever could say it myself . Now , granted , at the end she goes back to Kansas , but that doesn 't realy help the point I 'm trying to make , which is this : I had to get away . I begged Carla and Abrams ( the weather station guys … which , thinking about it , I guess was a little misleading , cuz Carla 's more of what you 'd call a " lady , " but I always called them " the guys , " so , ya know ) to take me with them when their experiments were over , but they said no . They said they had a job to do and it was done and they had to go home . They couldn 't exactly take back souvenirs , they said , but they did leave me one . Carla 's a doctor , you see , and she noticed I had trouble breathing when I got too excited , so she used some of the medical supplies to make me a crude inhaler , and taught me how to use it . So , for the record , I had no hard feelings toward Carla and Abrams . They were good friends and I understood their position about not taking indigenous persons ( penguin or otherwise ) back with them . How could I hold a grudge against such nice people ? Letting me hang out and watch movies in their station , making me the inhaler , lending me the paper and pen with which I ultimately wrote my tearful goodbye letter to my friends and family before zipping myself in Abrams ' duffel the morning of their departure . Of course , by the time they noticed I was there , we were in the air , past the point of no return . They yelled , I yelled , they yelled louder , I yelled as loud as I could , I couldn 't catch my breath , I passed out for a few minutes and when I woke up , Carla was cradling me in her arms singing my favorite song from my favorite movie and we were all friends again . But now the question became what they were going to do with me . I mean , they would have gotten in trouble just walking me through airport security . Although , I maintain it would 've been pretty funny : Still , in the interest of simplicity , I snuck back into Abrams ' duffel and stayed as still and quiet as possible until the heat was off . As I write this , I admit being slightly ashamed of how I came to America . I mean , I was , for all intents and purposes , an illegal alien . All I can say is that , at the time , it seemed like my only option . You see many penguins applying for green cards ? Anyway , when Abrams finally unzipped his duffel , we were in his apartment in Chicago , Illinois . " Welcome to your new home , Leroy , " he said as he led me to the window . And there , for the first time , I saw the United States of America . The tall buildings , the fast cars , the lights , the sounds , the music , the people . I felt how Dorothy must 've felt when she and her friends saw the Emerald City for the first time . And in that moment I knew that Abrams had been right : I was home . I stayed with Abrams for about a month . In hindsight , I think it 's fair to say that I was not a great roommate . In my defense , let me just say I was kinda cooped up . I mean , I was used to the wide open spaces of Antarctica . Now I had to spend my days in a one - bedroom in Lincoln Park . I couldn 't leave because , A , I was too short to reach the doorknob , B , didn 't have any money or identification , and , C , I was a penguin , so I had to stay inside all day every day . I mean , I tried to keep myself occupied . I read , I watched TV , Abrams gave me free run of his Netflix account , if I ever felt homesick for the ice and snow , I would just climb into the freezer . Nevertheless , I got stir crazy ! I actually started to miss Antarctica , if you can believe that . What I thought was going to be my new home turned out to be just another boring place that I had to get away from . So , one day , when Abrams had left for work , I put my plan into action . I pushed a great big chair up to the door and climbed on it to turn the knob . It was hard , especially for someone without fingers , but I finally managed to get the door open . I had found an old fanny pack of Abrams and had filled it with a few things I thought might come in handy . A spare key to the apartment , a map of the city , a Swiss Army Knife , a digital watch and about four dollars in loose change I found in the sofa cushions ( and my inhaler , of course ) . I slung it over my back like a knapsack and headed out into the world . I figured I 'd have a quick look around the city and be home before Abrams even noticed I was gone . I managed to get out of the building easy enough , but once I was on the street , things changed . You see , looking down on a city from seventeen flights up is one thing … looking up at it from two feet above the ground is another . The fact that I was a penguin and they were humans didn 't seem to matter when I was with Abrams or Carla . But now , for the first time since I left the South Pole , I saw things the way they truly were . I realized the risk my friends had taken helping me sneak into the country and why it was so important that I stay inside . As giant strangers passed me on all sides , I felt for the first time like what I was : I didn 't belong in this world and I never could . This was a world made for human beings . There were a few animals , but they were either on leashes , under policemen or scavenging in the garbage . Even the birds could fly away , something I certainly couldn 't do . I began to think about going back to Antarctica . But then I remembered how miserable I was there . The fact is that , even though there was no place for me in this world , I still loved it . I loved the diversity and the wonders and , of course , the movies . And unless Netflix could deliver to my old address , I knew I 'd never be happy back there either . But how could I be happy in a world where I would be forced to live as an outcast ? Of course people saw me . Lots of people who passed did cartoonish double takes when they realized that I was a penguin wearing a fanny pack on his back and using an inhaler . I can 't pretend to know what they were thinking , but I 'm sure they were pretty freaked out . I assume what must have happened is someone took out their cell phone and called the police , because as I was walking aimlessly , trying not to panic , suddenly remembering why Dorothy decided she wanted to go home to Kansas as the end of the movie , I noticed a policeman coming toward me . Now , remember , I was an illegal immigrant who was under a great emotional strain and basically having a pretty traumatic day all around , so I hope you 'll understand what I did next : I ran like I 'd never run before ( which , actually , isn 't saying much cuz , when you live on ice , you don 't do much running ) and somehow managed to stay ahead of the policeman for about a block and a half . Then I ducked into an alleyway and hid until I saw him run past me . I had gotten away from the authorities , but for how long ? I went back out into the street to try and get my bearings . You see , in the throes of my anxiety , I had sort of lost my way and wasn 't sure how to get back to Abrams ' apartment . After a few minutes , however , I knew I was hopelessly lost . There was no other alternative : I had to call Abrams and tell him everything . Though I didn 't know this yet , Abrams had already arrived home and seen that I was gone . He called Carla right away . They called the police and explained everything . The officer who took their call , Sergeant Hanratty , was very understanding and promised them that he would personally do whatever he had to to bring me home . He called it in and was told that another officer had been called in to pick up a penguin wandering the streets but that he had lost me . Now , still unbeknownst to me , every available police officer in the area was looking for me . Unfortunately , it would still be a while before I knew any of this . You see , it was getting dark and , being seventy - five percent black , I was becoming very hard to see . And being so small , my voice couldn 't carry over the sounds of the city , so nobody who I tried to ask for help could hear me . It was getting dark quick and I was scared and alone . I had to find some kind of shelter , and fast . So when I saw a young girl walking out the front door of her brownstone to drop the garbage on the curb , and noticed that she left the door wide open , I made a break for it . I didn 't like going in without permission , but I figured these were extenuating circumstances . " Hello , " she said . But I was too scared and upset to answer . I had lost my inhaler when I was running from the policeman , and was having a hard time breathing , let alone calming myslf . Moira must 've been able to tell that I was having trouble and , looking around to see that her parents weren 't looking , she picked me up and carried me to her room . She laid me down on her bed and pulled the covers up over me . It reminded me of the way Carla cradled me on the plane and sang to me . It made me think of my home . My real home . " Thank you , " I said , finally able to speak . " I 've had a very bad day . " " Actually , I … I sort of left them . " And as soon as I said that I started to cry again . You see , this was the first time I had really thought about what I had done . How much it must have hurt my family when I left . I never felt so bad in my life . I was homesick , and scared , and ashamed , and miserable . So I cried like I never cried before . And Moira held me very close . Unfortunately , I must 've cried louder than I meant to , because a minute later there was a knock on the door . " I 'm fine , Ginny . My friend just misses his mommy . " " What friend ? " and the door was opened by Moira 's big sister , Ginny , the one who had unwittingly let me in her house . When she saw her little sister cradling a sobbing penguin , she … well , I guess she reacted pretty much the same way you would have reacted . " Where did it come from ? " she said . " My name is Leroy , " I said through my tears . And I told them both my whole story , everything from the day Carla and Abrams arrived in my neighborhood to the moment I ran inside their house . " I don 't know what to do or where I go from here . All I know is I wanna go home , but I have no idea where that is anymore . " " No ! " I said . " Please , if you tell your parents they 'll just want to call the police or animal control or something and there 's no telling what will become of me ! " Of course now I know that if I 'd let her tell her parents , everything would 've gone much smoother for me . At the time , however , I was clearly not thinking straight . " Just let me stay here for a while . Just until I work things out . I won 't be any trouble . Please ? " Ginny and Moira took very good care of me . They made sure I had plenty to eat , they gave me baths ( very shallow baths cuz , again , not a strong swimmer ) , we played games and Moira and I read stories to each other every night . It 's remarkable to think that we lived like this for three whole days without their parents noticing … of course their parents leaving town for a long weekend probably didn 't hurt . " Leroy , " Ginny said to me one afternoon while bathing me in the kitchen sink . " Have you given any thought to what you want do ? " I had . I had grown very fond of Ginny and Moira and very much liked living with them . But I knew their parents would be home soon and I wouldn 't be able to stay there . Anyway , I was being selfish . My family in Antarctica and my friends in Chicago were worried about me , and I needed to make things right with them . I figured the best thing would be to get in touch with Abrams and Carla and see if they could help me get back to where I belonged . But just then we heard the unmistakable sound of a car pulling up . The girls ' parents were home ! If they came in and saw me , it would just lead to trouble . I told Abrams I had to go and would call him back , then hung up the phone . Ginny helped me repack my bag and she and Moira both kissed me goodbye and wished me luck . I hated to leave like that , but I knew I couldn 't be seen . Besides , they 'd done enough for me already . It was time to move on . Of course , Abrams hit * 69 almost immediately , but by then I was gone . Mr . and Mrs . Freeman , however , heard the phone and had a very confusing conversation when they picked it up . Though , once again , I wouldn 't know this for a long time , the police arrived shortly thereafter and questioned the girls . They told the truth about everything , and Sergant Hanratty was that much closer to finding me . In the meantime , I was once again lost and alone on the streets of Chicago . But this time I wasn 't scared . My stay with the girls had reinvigorated me and now that I had a specific goal to work toward , I was much more confident . Granted , I was still uneasy about returning to Antarctica , but at the time I felt that there was no other place for me . Anyway , I was trying not to think that far ahead , for fear of being overwhelmed again , and instead focus on my immediate goal : to get back in touch with Abrams and Carla . I rounded a corner and heard a strange yet familiar sound : It was music . And not just any music . Someone was singing about troubles that melted like lemon drops and I knew it was my song ! My favorite song from my favorite movie ! I ran toward the source of the singing and found myself outside a place called Barry 's Pizza . A tall , lanky , loose - jointed kinda guy was outside singing the song and dancing , presumably to attract customers into the pizzeria . There was a sign next to him that said " No tips , please , just come in and order a slice ! " But I just stood there and listened to him sing the song . Toward the end of the last verse , he looked down and saw me for the first time . He smiled at me , and even though it was kind of a goofy , lopsided grin , it made me feel good . Made me feel like I had found another friend . After he was done singing , I tried to clap , but , let 's face it , flippers aren 't great for applauding . " Don 't you worry about that , Leroy . You 're friends with Elijah now . I 'm sure we can come to an agreeable arrangement . Why don 't you come on in ? " So Elijah led me into the pizzeria . He and I went halfsies on a large slice of pepperoni while I told him my story ( which , I don 't mind telling you , I was starting to get kind of tired of telling at this point ) … actually , if I can just sidetrack the narrative just briefly here , I want to explain that this was the first pizza I 'd ever had and it remains the most delicious thing I have ever eaten . I have since tried pizza with all different kinds of toppings , including anchovies , which I like , which is odd when you consider that I don 't normally like fish . Anyway , I just wanted to mention what an important experience this was for me … So , once my story and the pizza were done , Elijah said , " Man , oh man , little man . That is some kind of tale of woe you got right there . But , don 't you worry . Cuz , it 's like I told you : you 're friends with Elijah now . And when you 're friends with Elijah everything just seems to work out for the best . Ain 't that right , Barry ? " he added , calling out to his boss , the owner of the pizzeria . " Yeah , yeah , whatever you say , Elijah , " said Barry , who wasn 't really paying attention . Elijah took me over to the counter and helped me dial the phone . I called Abrams ' number again , but this time Carla picked up . " Leroy ? " she said , " is that you ? " She sounded as upset as Abrams did , if not more so . " See ? " said Elijah , grinning lke a Cheshire Cat . " What 'd I tell you ? Everything 's gonna work out for the best . I 'm kinda what you 'd call a good luck charm , little man . Take Barry here , for instance . A year ago he couldn 't give pizza away in this neighborhood . I come out of a clear blue sky and his profits go through the roof . Barry , tell my little friend how lost you 'd be without me ! " " Yeah , yeah , " said Barry , " why don 't you start singing again . At least when you were outside I didn 't have to - " But just then , he looked up and for the first time saw that Elijah 's friend was a penguin . I smiled and waved politely to Barry , but he didn 't return the sentiment . " What 's that filthy animal doing in my place ? Get it out of here ! Go on , shoo ! " Elijah tried to talk Barry down , but he wasn 't listening . He picked up a big broom and swung it at me . Elijah pulled me out of harm 's way at the last minute and ran me outside . He hailed a taxi and put me inside , then gave some money to the driver . " Take him to Pablo 's on Kowalski Street , " he said to the driver . Then he turned to me and said , " Sorry about this , little man . But don 't you worry . Elijah 's friends are always welcome at Pablo 's . Just tell ' em I sent you and wait for me there . " Before I could even thank Elijah for all his help , the cab pulled away . Well , as you 've probably guessed , I managed to just miss my friends yet again . Sergent Hanratty and Carla arrived soon after I departed ( I had no way of knowing that Barry 's Pizza was actually across the street from Abrams ' apartment . I got pretty turned around that night ) only to see that I was gone . Elijah told them what had happened and where I 'd be . Carla called Abrams ( who was driving around town with Moira and Ginny , looking for me ) on his cell and told him where I was headed . Then she and Elijah ( who , I 'm sorry to report , got fired from Barry 's because of me ) piled into Hanratty 's car and they all headed toward Pablo 's on Kowalski Street . I opened my eyes and there was my mother standing over me . I looked around and I was back in my own room again . " What happened ? " I asked . " Was it all a dream ? Like in the movie ? " " Well … to tell the truth , Mom , I don 't know what I want . I wasn 't happy in Antarctica , but I don 't belong here either . Where do I belong ? What should I do , Mom ? " " What do you mean ? You 've already found several places where you belong . Here with me and your friends and family , back with Abrams and Carla , up in Moira 's bedroom , Elijah 's pizzeria . You 've made so many friends , and you have such a big family now . That 's where your home is , Leroy . Home isn 't a place . Home isn 't ' where . ' Home is people . Home is ' who . ' Home is family . " I awoke to find the cabbie poking me with his index finger . I thanked him for the ride and got out of the cab . When Elijah said I was going someplace called " Pablo 's " I didn 't quite know what to expect . A diner , a bar , a hotel , maybe . Certainly not a nightclub . A long line of people were waiting at the front door hoping to be let in by a bouncer the size of an elephant seal . Now I didn 't like the look of that long line , but I didn 't think it was right to cut either . So I just kind of waited outside on the curb . I was thinking about the dream I 'd just had , when I noticed a lot of the people in line were staring at me . I was starting to feel nervous again and since I still didn 't have my inhaler , I tried to calm myself down in another way . I started singing my favorite song . Just softly , to myself . I closed my eyes and imagined opening the door of the farmouse and seeing brightly - colored toadstools and munchkins and a nice lady in a pink bubble who would help me get home … wherever that was . Suddenly it got very bright . I opened my eyes and saw two cars had stopped right in front of the club and their headlights were blinding me . I squinted and saw lots of people climbing out of the cars and running toward me . by the time I could tell who they were , they were already hugging and kissing me and telling me how happy they were to see me . Carla , Abrams , Moira , Ginny , Elijah and Sergeant Hanratty ( who I was meeting for the first time ) all took turns holding me and telling me how worried they were . And I cried again . But this time , in a good way . That night I was back in Abrams ' apartment with him and Carla . It seems I had missed quite a lot since I 'd been gone . Most importantly , things had changed between Carla and Abrams . I guess they had discovered some kind of feelings for each other back in Antarctica , but weren 't ready to act on them . But when I went missing , the shared experience of looking for me brought it out in them . In a weird way , my taking off was a good thing because it brought two people together . Not just two people , come to think of it . Elijah , The Freemans , Hanratty . All of my new friends . That 's when I finally realized what my mom was telling me in my dream . Here I thought I had no home , but really I had lots of homes . One home for every friend . Speaking of my mom … well , it turns out she and the other penguins were as resourceful and determined as my human friends . When they got my note they all banded together as a team . They went to the now abandoned weather station where Carla and Abrams worked and somehow ( to this day I 've never understood how ) got the communications back up and sent a message . It got relayed to a sister station in New Guinea , then was routed through Beijing , Moscow , London , New York and finally to the lab where Carla works in Chicago . The message , which she read on the very day that Abrams came home to find me gone , went like this : Do I miss them ? Of course I do . But they 're still with me in other ways . And it 's not like we don 't keep in touch . Besides , a lot of them have left Antarctica and now live in zoos all over the country , and I visit them all the time . In fact , that 's my life these days . I travel all over this great nation of ours visiting friends , making new ones . I figured Carla and Abrams were gonna want me to move out so I wouldn 't cramp their style ( not to give away too much of their personal lives , but little baby Leroy is expected in March ) , and it just so happens Elijah has a friend at the San Diego Zoo , so that 's where I live when I 'm not traveling . But even when I am traveling , as long as I have friends and family near me , I know I 'll be okay . And , after all … there 's no place like home . This is a story about seeing worth in unexpected places . It is NOT a story about lying and cheating and getting away with it . It 's also one of my favorites , and it remains largely unchanged throughout history . The cat is usually depicted as sly and crafty . I prefer to think of mine as a hustler , a would - be con artist with a heart of gold . Not unlike Top Cat in my opinion . A few Italian stories predate the famous version by Charles Perrault , but his is the version we know today and that I have adapted . I have even reworked the master 's own last lines to end the story with . O nce upon a time there was a miller who had two sons and one daughter . When the miller died , each of his children inherited something . The eldest son inherited the mill , which he worked and made a lot of money with . The younger son inherited a horse , which he used to work and make a lot of money . The youngest child , his daughter , Jennifer , got her father 's old boots , and a cat . Needless to say , Jennifer was pretty upset by this . Her father , though a fine man in many respects , was very narrow - minded about girls in general . He was one of these types that think girls can 't do all the things boys can do . In truth , he had never wanted a daughter in the first place , so he had always sort of overlooked Jennifer , never more so than in his will . Jennifer figured she could make a stew with the cat and make mittens from its fur , but after that she would starve and / or freeze to death . This , however , did not sound like a good plan to the cat , but then you 'd be surprised how seldom cats are consulted about this kind of thing . " No , no , no , mistress , " said the cat , who had never been particularly liked by the miller and , as such , had never been given a name other than the rather ordinary ' Puss . ' " Don 't kill me , please . I can make you a very wealthy woman . I 'll make you a bigger success than both of your brothers put together . Stick with me and you 'll go places , sweetheart . " Jennifer was slightly disconcerted at being called sweetheart by her cat , but had nothing to lose so she agreed to give the cat a chance to save his life . " All I need , " said Puss , " is a large sack and your father 's boots . " And when Jennifer asked him why he 'd need the boots , Puss simply said , " One cannot appear before the king with no shoes on , can one ? " Well , Puss turned out to be one clever cat . He took the sack out into the forest and waited until he met a large wild turkey . " Oh yeah ? " said the Turkey . And just to spite Puss , walked right into the sack without a fight . Puss caught ten birds this way , none of whom seemed too upset by it . But , then again , turkeys are not renowned for their intellect … they are however great at gin rummy , a fact which very few people know … sorry , I 'm off on a tangent here , aren 't I ? Returning , rather clumsily , to the story , Puss then took his sack - o - turkey to the palace . " I have a gift for the king , " he told the guards . " From my mistress , the … er … Marquis of Carabass ! " This title - which Puss had made up on the spot - impressed the guards , so Puss was admitted and he got to see the king . " These wild turkeys , " he told his majesty , " are a gift from my mistress , the Marquis of Carabass ! " ( That 's pronounced " Care - uh - bass " and rhymes with " Salem , Mass " In case you were wondering . Also , you don 't pronounce the " s " in " Marquis " so that would sound like " Mar - KEE " Sorry , tangent ) . " Oh , okay , then , " said the easily convinced king . " Well , I 've never heard of this Marquis of yours , but her name is most impressive . And she must be a wonderful woman to give such a fine gift . Tell your mistress that I thank her for her generosity and look forward to meeting her in person one day . Oh and here , " he added , handing a bag of gold coins to Puss . " For your trouble , young … cat . " On his way out of the palace , Puss spoke to one of the guards . " I am told that other kings , " he said , " will take carriage - rides through their lands . Does our beloved monarch do this ? " " Oh , yes , " said the guard . " Every Saturday . He leaves the palace at nine in the morning and gets into one of his three traveling coaches , designed for just such outings . He takes the main road , passes through the woods , around the lake and circles back to the palace . After which he usually enjoys a boiled egg with a bit of salt and - " " Yes ! Thank you , very informative , " said Puss and he went on his way , wondering why a guard had so much information at his disposal . On his way out of the palace , he happened to pass the king 's son , Prince George . Of course , the cat had never seen the prince in person , but you know how some people look like exactly what they are ? Well , George had one of those faces that just said to the world " I am a prince . " Just then , a thought popped into Puss 's agile mind and he turned to address the prince . " Oh , very important , my good princey , " said Puss . " She is a wealthy landowner of the highest esteem . She has acres of rich , fertile land , a magnificent castle , two hundred head of cattle and a really big fountain ! " ( Rich people always have fountains , it 's like a rule ) " And , " said the cat , now that he knew he had the prince 's interest , " she is a famed beauty to boot . " " Oh yes . Quite the loveliest girl you will ever have the good fortune of laying your royal eyes upon . And young , making her accomplishments all the more impressive if you ask me . " " Yes , that is impressive . Well , I 'll let you return , fair … cat . Give your mistress my regards and tell her that she is welcome in the palace any time . " Puss thanked his majesty and ran on home with his newly adapted plan bubbling over in his brain . As for George , he was mildly impressed with the Marquis of Carabass 's résumé , but the truth is , being a prince , he saw dozens of wealthy , beautiful young women every week . Each one wanting to marry him and become a princess . Beauty didn 't really impress him the way you might think it would . All he wanted was to meet a nice girl who he could have a conversation with . Cuz , let 's face it , your average beautiful damsel doesn 't have much going for her above the neck , if you follow me … you don 't ? Oh , well never mind . Let 's get back to the story : Jennifer was delighted by the bag of gold Puss managed to procure , but was amazed when her cat told her that there was more to come . So , at his insistence , the following Saturday , Puss and Jennifer made their way to a lake near the forest road . Once there , he told Jennifer to take off her clothes , get in the lake and start bathing . After Puss had repeated himself a sufficient number of times to satisfy his mistress , Jennifer did this ( while Puss was looking the other way , of course ) and was alarmed when she saw Puss throw her clothes into the woods . Puss assured her it was all a part of his plan . " Just stay right there , " said Puss , though Jennifer assured him she had no intention of getting out of the water any time soon . " Everything will be all right if you just go along with everything I say , baby . " " Wait ! " cried Jennifer before Puss left . " I have to ask … why are you doing all this for me ? You 've already won your life . Why are you still helping me ? " " You don 't know ? " Jennifer shook her head . " Well , it 's not easy to explain . I know your father never wanted a girl . I know he treated you poorly because you were his first daughter and not his third son . The truth is he never wanted me either . None of them did . Your father and brothers never treated me with any kindness . They never even bothered to give me a real name . Not like you , the way you would rub my belly and scratch my ear . You were always the nicest and the smartest in the family . And when your father died and left you the only thing he cared less about than you … " Jennifer wiped a tear from her eye , which proved a pointless effort because her hand was wet . " My friend , " she said to her cat . " I promise that if you can do all the things you say you can , I will give you the grandest name any cat has ever had . Now hurry . I 'm getting cold … and pruny . " So , with a brand new spring in his step , Puss ran to the road and waited . He didn 't have long to wait because the king 's carriage approached soon . Inside , the King and Prince George were surprised to see Puss standing in the road in front of them , jumping up and down , waving his paws and shouting " Help ! Help , oh help please ! " They stopped the carriage at once and asked what the matter was . " It is my mistress , the Marquis of Carabass ! " said Puss . " She was bathing in the lake - as is her wont - when someone stole her clothes . It 's my fault , sire . I looked away for a moment ! Oh , woe is me ! " Of course , the king was only too happy to help the overdramatic cat . He had not forgotten the gift of the Very Surprised Turkeys the Marquis had made . Of course , the king had no ladies ' clothing in his carriage , but , since he always kept a packed trunk in the carriage in case of emergencies ( Yeah , it 's weird , but that 's royalty for you ) , he offered to let Puss take the trunk to his mistress and allow her to find something suitable . Puss thanked him for his generosity and ( with great difficulty ) dragged the trunk back to Jennifer . Between them they were able to fashion the king 's clothing into an outfit which made Jennifer look every bit the Marquis of Carabass … which is when Puss told her about the lies he had told to get them this far . " No ! It doesn 't . Puss , when you said you were going to make me rich and successful , you never said you were doing it by lying ! " " That 's not the point . You 've dragged me into your lies and I won 't have any part of it . I 'm going home . " " No , they 're expecting the Marquis of Wherever ! I 'm just a miller 's daughter ! I don 't have money , power or huge … tracts of land . All I have in this whole world is you ! " " And you 're all I have , Jennifer ! " said the cat . " You gave me a sack and a pair of old boots and in less than a day , I gave you a bag of gold and a standing invitation with the royal family . I 'm just asking you to trust me a little bit longer . " " I 'm not asking you to . In fact , I insist that you be yourself . I promise , they may have been taken in by the Marquis of Carabass , but by the time we 're done , it will be Jennifer who has won their trust . " Jennifer looked in Puss 's eyes and found the reassurance she needed . " I must be out of my mind ! " she said , walking toward the road trying to look … Marquisy . " It is very good to finally meet you , " said the king . " Would you like to join us in our ride ? I can give you a lift to your castle if you like . " Jennifer was not used to this kind of deceit , so Puss stepped in before she could answer . " Of course , she would be delighted to . If you don 't mind , mistress , I shall proceed to your castle now and ready everything for your arrival . " So , Jennifer allowed Prince George to help her into the carriage . Meanwhile , Puss was giving the coachman very bad directions which would ( eventually ) lead him to the Marquis of Carabass 's castle . So doing , Puss waved a fond goodbye to the passengers on the coach … and then set to work doing something very dangerous and slightly insane . You see , the wealthiest and most powerful landowner in the area was actually a Giant Ogre . He had farmlands stretching all over the countryside , a castle on a hill , not to mention the ability to change into any kind of animal . A skill which he regularly abused by turning into a mouse or a bird and spying on his workers to make sure they were working hard enough . Anyone found not to be working to the Ogre 's satisfaction would be summoned to his castle and promptly eaten … with fries , usually , which were invented much longer ago than you probably thought . So it was pretty dangerous ( and , again , insane ) for Puss to walk up to servants working in the Ogre 's field and say , " Attention ! Those in the employ of the ogre ! I have this announcement : " here Puss unrolled a blank piece of paper and pretended to read : " The ogre who owns this land will now be referring to himself as the ' Marquis of Carabass . ' You will refer to him as such or he will grind your bones to make his bread . " Puss repeated this announcement at every field along the route he had given the coachman , and he had to do it quickly as he had only a slight lead on the carriage , wherein a most stimulating discussion was taking place . Jennifer had been afraid that as soon as she tried to make conversation with the two royals , her cover would be blown . But , being a well - read , intellectually curious young woman , she found she was able to hold her own , and even impressed both King and Prince with her insight and intellect . As the carriage ride continued , Jennifer realized that she wasn 't playing a part , like she had thought . She was just being herself , and that 's what was making such a good impression on the king and his incredibly handsome son who hadn 't been able to take his eyes or ears off Jennifer from the moment she got in the carriage . At the end of the road was the Ogre 's castle on a hill . Puss was here now , putting the last phase of his plan into action . He entered the Ogre 's castle and said to him , " Hey ! Ogre - Baby ! How 's it goin ' , man ? I am an admirer from a distant land . I have heard that , in addition to being a great landowner , you have magic powers . Is this true ? " " Certainly , " said the Ogre , always eager to brag to someone he planned to eat . " I can change myself into any animal . Look : " and with that he turned himself into a lion , a bear and a bull elephant within a few seconds . Puss was frightened , but tried not to show it . It 's difficult to keep the upper hand in negotiations if you 're in mortal terror , you know . " I guess that 's impressive , " he said at last in his most Ooh , What Do I Care Voice . " Could I ? Just watch ! " And the ogre turned into a tiny little field mouse . No sooner had he done this than Puss leaped on him , grabbed him and gobbled him up . Thus the Ogre was gone and the last thing he thought before he was devoured was , " Well , I really should 've seen this coming , huh ? " The King 's carriage arrived shortly thereafter and if you thought the king was impressed before it was nothing to how he felt now . He saw the Marquis of Carabass living in this giant castle , with throngs of loyal servants ( who were confused , but generally happy to be rid of the ogre ) and more land than the king himself . So he was more than pleased to grant his son 's request , and allow him to marry Jennifer . And this might have been where our story ended , but there were promises to be kept . Puss and Jennifer came clean to the king and prince about the whole thing . Puss took full responsibility , insisting that he only acted in Jennifer 's best interests and she was a reluctant accomplice to the whole thing . Of course , the king was shocked at first , but after a moment of consideration he laughed and put his arms around Jennifer . " You are a bright , lovely , charming girl with a very impressive cat who has managed to rid my kingdom of a fearsome ogre . I say bygones . Son ? " Of course George needed no convincing , for he had been in love with Jennifer from the start , and never the Marquis of Carabass . Which is why , as she realized she didn 't need it anymore , she gave that name to Puss and from that day forth , he was known as the Marquis of Carabass ! A far grander name than any cat has ever had . And he lived for the rest of his days with his mistress , Princess Jennifer and her husband , Prince George in their own castle , and he lived for many long , happy years , where he was cared for , well fed and never had to chase mice again … |
Dream , 15 December 2012When I try to slide back into my dream I have memories , now fast receding , of a bear , or some other large animal . A bear kept on a chain , maybe treated as a circus performer and whose owner then collected money . Somehow the Dalai Lama or some other Buddhist type monk was concerned for this bear and began to collect money to free it . Someone had organised an event at which the Dalai Lama would speak . He had collected stacks of money , which he kept in a plastic bag . At the last minute his talk was cancelled . The Dalai Lama fell in a heap and I had to rescue the money . It became clear that several of his followers were after this money . I found I could not trust a soul , even those whom I might once have believed were trustworthy . I had planned to take the money to a safe place . I got into my car , my baby beside me , and realised too late that a couple of these potential thieves were in the back of my car . First I tried to reverse in such a way they would get squashed , but it did not work and so I sped ahead in an effort to get to a police station , but I could not find one . Imagine my relief when I heard the police siren . I had been travelling so fast the policeman on a bike had taken note . He was after us . I stopped the car and reported the two potential thieves . Then I woke up . dawn on me that it was nearly dark outside , in the middle of the day . I had never seen it like that before , not even during the worst storms . I me back , as if there were a powerful wind , though I don 't think there was . A man was standing there , behind the locked iron grate . I didn 't see him with our visitors ' baby , a very blonde kid , with mentally defective eyes . I asked to look at the baby , and accidentally almost let her head topple over . Paul , a former close friend from Brooklyn , was in the room . They must similarity to a toddler . Then she disappeared under the water . Gone . Could we save her ? The other woman sort of laughed and said , " She 's where a party was breaking up . People were coming out the front door . I asked the hostess if she knew about a snake in the pond - perhaps because I I dreamed this morning that I stood ironing a pair of trousers and the iron slipped onto the side of my hand and stuck there . I felt it burn through my skin but could not dislodge it . The flat of the hot iron stuck to my hand as if it had been glued . I screamed to my husband for help but he went on reading the newspaper . I screamed and woke in fright . Earlier in the night I had dreamed I was in a swimming pool with my daughter and a friend . The swimming pool was also the home of a pet crocodile which gave no one any trouble as long as there was no food to be seen . At one point I ate a banana outside of the pool and my daughter saw me eating and wanted a banana too . I advised her against eating anything in the pool but no , she snuck off , took a banana and was half way through eating it back in the water when I noticed her . ' Don 't eat in the pool . ' I could see the swish of the crocodile 's tail and imagined it was making its way towards my daughter and her banana . The crocodile reached my friend 's daughter instead and clawed at her leg . My daughter dropped the banana and managed to drag her friend out . Blood streaked through the water . My daughter 's friend was only scratched but I woke again in fright . And then just before I dragged myself out of bed in the morning I dreamed my husband had come in with one of the cats which he plopped on top of my chest , this dead weight that refused to budge and my husband laughing so loud my daughters joined him . Before then I had been in a park where someone had dropped a load of children 's play equipment , which had already been vandalised . Nearby I saw a cage high off the ground on stilts . It was filled with small animals , monkeys , mice , marsupials of all kinds and birds . One animal started to mimic my words like a parrot when I tried to converse with the other animals . It took me a while to recognise the owl as the speaker . A large wide eyed tawny frogmouth with speckled feathers . All the animals in the overcrowded cage seemed unhappy to me . The owl spoke words to the No comments : I 'm in the woods . There is some heavy lifting to do - the crew and I must prove ourselves . Laura ( once Johnson & sister - in - law of Phillypoet Mark Johnson ) is there , and Jen Coleman appears , with words of warning , when the city begins to appear where we thought we were most remote , that " there are more alien abductions in June than any other month , and we really ought to watch out . " The crew then find ourselves in a library , where I note The Dreamer is sitting at a table surrounded by children . The Dreamer confirms with a nod but without opening his eyes ( he is not sleeping ) that he is practicing " The French Method , " or lucid dreaming . I inform Anna Daedalus that The French Method is " the best form of bad Surrealism . " It 's not the first time I have dreamed of a baby whose head is disconnected from her body but in this dream my baby was born with a thin line of tissue connecting head and body and at some point this membrane broke and her head was completely separate . Even so her head continued to live as did her body but I worried about how they might ever come together again . In my dream I was living in a community consisting of family members from my family of origin and other people from my workplaces over the years . One of the community health nurses told me I should take special care of my baby and get her to a nearby hospital as soon as possible . It was hard to wrap up my baby in such a way as her head might stay attached . I feared her head might onto the floor . The nurse helped me swaddle my baby and one of my brothers came by and offered to take us to the hospital . I did not want his company . He had grown dissolute over the years and although I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him by letting him help me I wanted to travel alone . My father appeared in this dream too , or at least a photograph of him dressed as a magistrate and standing before the chair of office in front of a great desk in a legal chamber . In the dream I asked my mother about the photo and she told me that it had been my father 's greatest desire to become a magistrate and for a short time early in his life he had succeeded . The picture included a crowd of people seated in the docks and reminded me of the photos I have seen of my mother and father in the registry office in Holland on the day they married by law . On that day relatives sat in rows behind the registry desk as if in church but the walls of the registry office were unadorned and the large room looked stark and cold . In my dream the room was more like a huge hall filled with the dark carved wood of old world law chambers and my father looked prouder than I had ever seen him in life . Somehow in my dream I knew to go outside and look over the country side that surrounded the huge community hou2 comments : I was getting out of an elevator at Chateau Marmont & there in front of me was Denise Gainer . because in reality I hadn 't seen her in decades she was as young & fresh & beautiful as I rememberd her . but strangely in the dream I knew she was dead . & it was the shock of seeing someone you know is dead that shook me so I woke immediately . & as I lingerd there wondering if I shd try to go back to sleep I rememberd she was the first girl I ever kissd . & I even rememberd the taste of her kiss . so I got out of bed . I saw that full moon out the window . I grabbd my camera & went outside to get a few shots , In my dream I roam the streets and browse through shops in search of Christmas presents . I want to buy things for my family and close friends that are unusual and inexpensive . In a store that sells only crockery , hand made on the premises , I can see a yellow cup through the glass . It lies underneath a pile of other pieces of crockery in such a way that its price is clearly visible . Replicas , at the top of the pile , sell for twice as much . ' No , ' says the woman behind the pile of porcelain at the counter . ' No , you can 't . It 's impossible to reach . You 'll have to settle for one from the top . ' it has a haphazard symmetry . I follow his lead and make sure that although at first glance it looks as though all the embellishments on the left are matched by those on the right , they are not the same . There are tiny changes rather like those quiz cartoons where two identical images are placed side by side and the aim is to spot the differences . The differences exist if you look , though they 're not obvious . I arrive home with a bunch of children , my own and others . I am busy with cleaning , cooking and washing , when I realise not only have I left the cup behind , but I 've forgotten the baby . Not my baby , my sister 's baby , who 's been left in my care . baby who is freezing . I can feel her skin , the ice cold of someone left too long outside in winter . The baby looks at me knowingly but not as pleased as she might once have been . Then I notice there 's a man lying at the feet of the people who are returning the baby . He reeks of I worry now that he may have abused her . She looks untouched when I change her nappy , but her nose has a graze underneath the nostril and a thin line of blood . I toy with taking her to see a doctor but I do not want her to be further abused . I had taken off my shoes in the tram but now I cannot find them . Instead I find my daughter 's sandals . I also find her hand bag along with my own . And there are items of clothing which I imagine belong to another of my daughters and other bits and pieces on the tram floor that I cannot bear to leave behind . At this particular intersection buses change over to trams . I can see a bus coming towards me but again I have trouble gathering together my belongings . They seem to be increasing in volume every time I try to gather them up . More and more stuff . Children 's toys now , things my grandchildren might enjoy , Lego and a child sized kitchen cabinet , an inflatable children 's pool , one that will be wonderful when the weather heats up . I cannot bear to leave it behind . I try to stuff His birthday Thursday marked the day , 16 years ago , I returned to Minnesota from my domestic travels abroad . On Wednesday I dreamed that coffee grounds had spilled on my Buffet . I used my fingertips to wipe the grounds off the black wood . There was another clarinet , a silver one , that belonged to a man not in the room , that was clean of debris . Bob Dylan came to collect me . He was a guest at a hotel . I agreed to follow him ; then instead of going to his room , we went to the mirror together . There were green vines growing from pots and copper incense burners and beige and purple sheers billowing like kites . I took on his expressions in the mirror - he stood close behind me and we watched as my face became a kin of his . At one point as we were leaving someone 's back yard I could see the occupants of the attached house in the distance . They started to chase us . We ignored them and ran off up the street . past and in the process I tipped it over to one side . The driver was trapped inside of his peeled back soft top . He only needed to unbuckle his seat belt to free himself . We had organised a special dinner to celebrate one of our daughters ' success . I had trouble choosing a dress from three I had put aside . All three were white and suitably dressy . It was hard to choose between them . I was concerned that I had already worn two of them often the baby in her high seat had a smear on her cheek that needed wiping . We were running late . We came to a bluestone pier that jutted out into the sea . I was in front , while my husband drove the car from behind . It was as though we needed to travel in single file as if on a tandem bicycle along this narrow pier , so narrow that I worried it was not even I worried that the car and children and all of us would plunge into the water . I wanted to go back but my husband pushed me forward . I dared not turn back even to look at the others . I held every muscle taut for fear of slipping over the edge . I was terrified and furious at once . I wanted to yell at my husband to go back , to let us off this pier , but he continued to push me forward . I wondered that he could not see my rage . That he should persevere with this insistence on going forward . It had become a joke for him . He was not serious about us going ahead . The journey was impossible but he wanted to stir me up by goading me along . I felt my rage buckle inside and stopped abruptly when we came to a point on the pier where it had broken off to a sheer drop . I fell to the ground looking over the edge and refused to go any further . I woke There are two of us who dress up in mediaeval costumes , a man and a woman , each for different reasons : the man in order to spread himself far and wide among women , and the woman - who is me , but not me - she dresses up to match the man . When this proclivity to wear disguise is uncovered we agree to fight it out in a mock duel . The man dresses up in his finest mediaeval garb but woman choses to look ordinary . Our weapons are real . Each bears a knife edged series of blades that jut out and run parallel to one another - a line of short stubby knives that can shred skin and cause deep wounds . The other weapon is more of Someone broke into my consulting room , during the night . I did not realise they had been there until the morning when I saw that they had stolen my air - conditioning unit from the wall and my heater . They took nothing else . I ran around the house frantic to replace the heater so that the room would not be cold later in the day when I worked . I went down the street to shop for necessities and saw a burglary in action . A group of three men and one woman were breaking into a shop . I watched as they loaded heating units and air - conditioners onto the back of their van . ' So you 're the culprits , ' I went towards them only to back off as soon as the words spilled from my mouth . One look and I could see that they had realised I recognised them and they would turn on me , and turn on me they did . I ran inside a nearby shop and through the glass windows I could see the four coming for me . The owner saw me and realised the trouble I was in . ' Run , ' he said , but I could not . My terror had me frozen to the spot . I could not move . The shop keeper drew the curtains on his shop and we were covered in darkness . My assailants ran past the shop and I was safe . Only then did I begin to unfreeze . Next stop , our stop . We rose to leave and again I felt the paralysis seep in , though not so bad that I could not walk . But I left without my handbag , which I had left behind on the seat , while I dragged my feet to the door . My husband rushed back to get it for me just as the doors were closing in on him . He managed to leave the train in time . My husband looked like the children 's singer , Peter Coombe , a shock of curly hair and a cherubic smile . All the women loved him . It was as if they were bees drawn to a honey pot . But I knew he had eyes only for me . The details grow hazy . Women draped themselves over my husband and he looked to me with pleading eyes , as if to say get them away . I do not want this attention , but they clung to him like plumbago . We had not yet called the police about the burglary . My husband was on the telephone chatting to friends and family for ages and I could not get the phone from him long enough to make the call . His sisters and brothers were staying with us and they too seemed calm about the robbery . But I needed to get to the police . I woke desperate to make the call . I dreamt that a building in Tulsa , begun by my grandfather Ike Ruby in the 1920s , had finally been completed as a memorial to him . How had the building survived unfinished for the 85 years since his death , I wondered . " Oh , some rain and animals got in , " my mother said , " just like a building Steve Kurens ' father owned on Berkeley Ave . in Orange . " I had an image of a squat brick building , a squat tower . At that point , I stepped back into the past , becoming a child again , and snuck into the squat building , sidestepping broken window frames in the hallways . Then the cops came , and we ran outside . A kid near a mound of dirt in the unsettled yard said , " You were in there . " " No , I wasn 't , " I said , " I was just playing around here - like you . " Back in the present , I walked around my neighborhood in Brooklyn and tried to drum up my friends Michael Kaplan , Keith Greenberg and some others to attend the opening of the Ike Ruby memorial . Stepping back into the past again , I seemed to watch myself as a teenager in a movie driving over to look for my high - school friend Steve Riegel , who supposedly had moved with his father to a town south of Maplewood , N . J . , on the way to Cranford . The next thing I knew , I was inside a big museum exhibit about the life of Ike Ruby , a Jewish oilman who died of diabetes around the age of 45 . There were amazing old black and white movies of my late great - uncle George Travis , pulling up in a car as a young man with his supposed first wife , " Bobby . " Unc put on a wide - brim hat before getting out of the car . He looked a little mean . Then a crewcut guy , " Stephen , " emerged . I couldn 't figure out who he was . The exhibit became truly extraordinary when it dealt with Ike Ruby 's arrival in Tulsa on a steamboat . It turned out that Ike supposedly had an uncle there , P . Klosterman , who owned a little department store . The uncle sent someone down to meet Ike at the boat . Everything became very vivid , as it had been in the movie of Unc . I stood in front of Klosterman 's store aNo comments : I dreamed I was walking down several tiers of stairs that remind me of the green , man - made mesas at Cahokia , only the mount I 'm descending is made of a gritty white rock , like colorless sandstone , and I don 't think about what 's underneath or how it got there . I 'm overwhelmed with the people I 'm passing on my way , and try to focus on where I 'm going , which is a dream landscape with a pond that is every familiar pond . I am aware in the dream that I 'm going to be treated to a repeat visit to this pond . I love to see it , dream whatever dream I have that includes it . Almost at the bottom , an arm reaches out and a hand grabs my wrist just long enough to stop me and make me look , just hard enough to bring me into the moment . It is someone I haven 't thought of in a long time . At least , it 's someone I haven 't seen in my mind 's eye for many years the way I see him now , which is as he used to be before we grew to resent and distrust - - perhaps even loathe - - one another . He seems innocent to me in this moment , and I feel myself flood with warmth . A mothering impulse stirs . He 's just about to tell me what he 's thinking . I 'm just about to find out whether he 's going to explain something , berate me , or ask me to stay in this group of people with him , go through the errand to the top all over again . I am on the cusp of hearing perhaps that he is going to say he wants to come with me to the familiar pond - - when the thought of the familiar pond breaks the spell and I find myself walking backwards down the stairs , making my excuse to the confusion of his expression , and then turning around to finish my descent . At the bottom , I run into a field of grass that somehow isn 't itchy around my bare legs , and is alive with insects that don 't threaten me at all . The tree line opens up in the distance to reveal a wide path and I am swiftly making my way there . I woke up knowing that I got to the pond and had a good dream , where I met interesting people and creatures and pulled amazing things out of the water . I want to remember that part , buDREAMER : We stand inside an ice cream parlour , one of those long narrow space saving places with bright walls and huge tubs of ice cream on display . I am at the counter with my daughter who makes her choice . The cone in my hand , a small vanilla , is beginning to drip and I lick at it to stop the cream from spreading over my fingers . I had bought it for someone else but no one else wants plain old vanilla and so it becomes mine . But if I had bought it for myself in the first place I would have ordered something different . I 'm tempted to ask for more but I resist . The shop begins to fill up and I fear we are taking too much time . The boy who serves at the counter is directing another of my daughters , who has morphed into one of my younger sisters , to choose a small toy , as part of an ice cream selling promotion . My sister / daughter cannot make up her mind . I see a glass magnetising ball on display . I test it out . It makes everything look bigger . I 'm tempted to buy the ball and put it on my dressing table so I can get a better look at my jewellery - to refasten links , to see where there are small stones missing , to check for grime and build up and so on - but I do not want to collect any more junk . We go to the back of the shop where the boy who was behind the counter is now having a break . His mother sits at a table with friends eating ice cream . The boy hands over the blocks of ice cream I have ordered in buckets , which he then piles into a huge plastic pot . ' You can keep the pot , ' I say , ' or else it will wind up on the rubbish heap tomorrow ' . His mother at the table agrees with me . She , too , hates the excesses of packaging . We go out into the street . I have been considering giving away free cupcakes to children at the school , my old school , but I am not sure the teachers will approve . I have collected my car after a service and I pile it inside with stuff I will also donate to the school . There is no room left for my daughter , but I suggest she squeeze in on top of the stuff . I stand at the car door , open just wide enough to let me get inside to check that things won 't roll around when there 's a thump . Something has rushed into me . The something turns out to be a boy on a bicycle . I pick him up in my arms and take him to the nature strip . He is with his older brothers . They get his bike from the road and check it for damage . All fine . I hope the boy is fine , too . Once he has caught his breath I go to put him down onto the ground but it is clear he cannot put weight on his leg and then I see that the bone has snapped in his calf . It juts out in that awful way I have imagined bones jut out when they have come loose from their moorings . The boy gasps in pain . I try to hold the bone in place and ask his brothers to call his parents . I walk with the boy in my arms all the way up the hill looking for help . I cannot do a thing with this boy in my arms but there is so much I need to do . I need to check the whereabouts of my own daughter for one thing . I had left her in the car . I am beginning to think I should take this boy to hospital . The Epworth is around the corner but I do not know whether the boy 's parents have health insurance . I consider paying the bill myself , only I must get this boy help immediately . I wake up and wonder why I had not thought to call a ambulance . I have been renovating my house for two weeks . I had a dream last night that I was driving to Mexico with a poet . I don 't want to name names - but the poet is a little older than me & a long - time friend of my family 's . Anyway , we were going to a poetry conference in Mexico . I had stopped at the Home Depot . I was buying towels . These were very special towels - the one I really loved was like a baby towel - it was lime green and had a duck on it . It was furry . But there were many other towels too . I was worried about money - but all the towels were $ 3 . 20 . ( Background information - I am painting the house green and have been in the hardware store for a total of 6 hours the past three days ) . But here 's the good part - I awoke & I was having an orgasm ! The dream wasn 't remotely sexual . I 'm certainly not in love with the poet waiting in the car to drive me to Mexico . But , there you have it . No comments : In my dream I was a younger version of myself , back in my mid to late twenties . I had been accepted to start my studies at the University of Melbourne and one of my sisters / daughters was about to get married . The place where I lived , my family home - though there were no parents there . It was as if I were in charge of the household as I am in real life today - was in utter chaos , stuff everywhere . In between trying to tidy up in readiness for the wedding which was to be held at home , I was preparing to move out , packing my clothes . I was also working and awaiting the arrival of a first patient who never materialised . I could not reach the front door to check for him . The hallway was being renovated and there were ladders stacked in the way . Before the wedding I found myself at the Flinders Street clocks ready to move across the lights and head off in the direction of my new home . I had planned to rent rooms in the middle of the city up near Carlton , near the university . My sister had negotiated the rooms for me on the phone . As yet we had not seen them . I came without my luggage wanting to check in as it were . On the walk along Swanston Street at the next set of lights a young tradesman who had been working on a nearby building started to flirt with me . He had a delightful Irish accent , the sort that I find seductive but I was determined to ignore him . He called over to his friends and began to behave as though he and I were in a relationship . I ignored him but did not send him packing . We went inside a building and together watched a man selling fish . The fishmonger was actually inside a gigantic fish tank with the fish which had already been filleted and cleaned . It was as if he were swimming among great swathes of squid and the flesh of giant sea fish , barramundi , marlin and the like . He held fast to a sharp knife and sliced layers from the fish , cutting off thin slices whenever a customer made a request . I asked for some fish but the bag in which the fishmonger put it dripped water onto the floor . I asked my Irish friend to help and another man came by . He carried special beads of some material that absorbed moisture and sealed off holes . He applied this to the leak in my bag and it was sealed immediately . The Irish fellow followed me when I reached the corridor from which my newly rented room led . I realised with a start that I had forgotten the key but the landlady came by and offered to open the room for me with her spare . We walked through the door together , all three of us , me , the landlady who was young , the daughter of the owners perhaps , and my new Irish friend . I looked across into what seemed like a broom closet of a room with a narrow bed in one corner and a short divan type arrangement against the opposite wall . I thought immediately this is far too small and then I looked up and saw that the ceiling was as high as four floors and in between on each floor several other such room arrangements , some of which included whole families , were suspended . I could see a cot and a mother nursing her baby about three floors up . We sat on the edge of the bed , my Irishman and me , and I began to cry . He comforted me and talked of the possibilities of the place . At least there was a window that looked onto a wide stretch of lawn . Lawn in the middle of the city , how could that be ? And then I realised that to rent a place in the city would necessarily involve compromise . There were no big places available for minimal rents . I would have to make do . I dreamed I picked lice eggs from a young girl 's hair . The eggs were dead . They had been treated with a pesticide which the chemist prescribes to kill lice , but the eggs clung to each shaft of hair as if their lives depended on it . I found them near her scalp , white and shrunken , empty now of life . I took each egg between the nail of my thumb and forefinger and peeled it down the shaft . I pinched my finger nails together as if I were crushing a flea . The girl sat obligingly beneath my scrutiny . I rifled through her hair in search of more eggs and all the time I feared I might find live lice , lice that had somehow avoided the poison , lice that could continue to escape and jump onto other heads and infect them there with more eggs and hatchings . My husband and I walked into our kitchen after an outing and found a woman standing there at the table . It was clear she had just made a telephone call . The receiver was in her hands . ' Who are you ? I asked and what are you doing here ? I walked over and tried to stop her call by pressing the end - call button . ' I 'm calling the police , ' I said to my husband , but he seemed non - perplexed . I did not want to ring 000 . This was not an emergency , at least not yet , but I could not remember the number for the local police station . I ran out onto the street and asked passers by if they knew the number . No luck . I went over to my neighbour 's and in the distance saw a small group of men . They were making their way to our house and they were each carrying heavy loads . One couple shared the weight of a long machine , an earth working machine by the look of it . I knew then that they had come for the purpose of working on our house in some way , but we had not invited them to come . What was this all about ? My neighbour knew nothing of the police number and she too like my husband seemed non - perplexed at the thought of these men invading her space . I noticed two or three men in my neighbour 's back garden now . They were about to lop off branches from two rose bushes . The bushes had already been pruned , and stood skeletal against the sky line . |
Published on Amazon ? If you have a book , e - book , or audiobook available on Amazon . com , we 'll promote it on WritingForums . org for free . Simply add your book to our Member Publications section . Add your book here or read the full announcement . 17th August 1665 . London . The kitchen was always the busiest room of the house as we spent most of our time sitting around in there . Mother was nearly always cooking something or another and Emily and I would quite often help her . Today was like no other , Emily and I sat playing pat - a - cake while mother swept the bare floor with a hard broom . Light shone through the freshly cleaned windows lighting up the small and damp room . Mother tried to keep it as clean as possible , forever dusting and sweeping but she could not mask the musty smell that came from the pantry . As she opened the pantry door to replace the broom several rats scurried past her feet , running off into the far corners of the room . Mother looked annoyed ; she said that the amount of rats in London was appalling . I agreed full heartedly with her , quite often the boys down the road would come around and catch a few for the women and throw them in the river to drown . One of them that came was Daniel , a sixteen year old who worked at the local grocery store . He would run around after the rats , cornering them in the kitchen or bedrooms and catching them with his bare hands . As mother closed the pantry door Nancy , the elderly lady who lived next door , knocked on the window before peeping her head through the door . " There 's another one , Anna , " she told my mother in a hushed voice . Emily and I sat quiet and confused , watching mothers face to see her reaction . She hurried outside with Nancy and I could see them through the window talking quickly and about something serious . When she re - entered the house she was alone and she looked distraught . Emily went to ask something but mother hushed her straight away and sent us to our room . August 18th 1665 . London . Mother seemed much happier this morning , returning to her usual happy state . She whistled and sang little songs with Emily as they made cakes and I sat and watched from the table . Emily was a few years younger than me and not very good at cooking ; mother was teaching her so that when she one day gets married she will be able to cook and clean for her husband . I knew it was not going to be long before father tried to find me a husband . Emily and mother look the spit of each other , both with blonde hair and bright blue eyes . My hair is darker like father , although I have mother 's eyes also . I giggled as Emily dropped an egg on the floor , spilling bright yellow yolk everywhere . " Not to worry , " mother told her as she pulled another egg from a little basket . Her reaction surprised me ; normally mother hated wasting food . Half way through baking the cakes Nancy knocked on the window just like the previous day . She looked pale and worried as she asked for mother and they rushed outside . Curiosity getting the better of me , I crept up to the door and pressed my ear against the wall in an attempt to hear them speaking . I couldn 't hear what they were saying as they were talking too quietly but when mother came back inside she had tears in her eyes . Again , when Emily went to speak mother hushed her up and continued baking the cakes in silence . August 19th 1665 . London . Father came home drunk last night having spent the last of his money in the ale - house . He started shouting about a disease that was spreading across London and hit mother when she told him to stop shouting . Emily and I stayed upstairs as mother had instructed us to do when father came home drunk . " You can stay inside today ! " she had demanded in a strong and determined tone of voice . She didn 't look herself today ; her hair was not pined up as normal and she never ate anything with Emily and me . The only time I left the house was to go to the grocers for a couple of potatoes . When I got there I couldn 't see Daniel anywhere and I asked Mr Thomas where he was . Apparently Daniel was home sick for the day having caught something . August 20th 1665 . London . When I woke this morning mother was not in the house . As always father had already left for work , leaving Emily and I alone in the house . I wondered why mother was not there . Downstairs a fire was burning in the stove but there was nothing cooking , and a loaf of fresh bread sat on the table . A rat lay dead in the middle of the kitchen floor , startling me as I nearly stood upon it . It was nearly mid - day when mother returned . I had sorted out some bread and water for Emily 's breakfast but did not feel like eating anything myself . Mother looked distraught . " I have something to tell you , " she told us , looking more specifically towards my direction . I saw that her eyes were glazed with tears and her cheeks were flushed pink for she had already been weeping . " Daniel passed away last night . The doctor is unsure why it happened . " As she said this I heard Emily gasp . She had always admired Daniel from an early age , her cheeks burning crimson every time she saw him . I felt my eyes becoming soar and before I could prevent it tears were seeping down my face . August 22nd 1665 . London Although it was only two days after Daniels death it felt as though it had been a year . The pas couple of days seemed to pass incredibly slowly . Only news of yet more inexplicable deaths broke up the long periods of boredom . The night before last I watched from the bedroom window as a man had came in the dead of the night to take away the dead in a rickety cart . Daniels body lay among them . At last count the death count had been in the thirties , and that was only in the near by area . Father said that at work people were " dropping like flies " . As each minute passed mother seemed to get more and more anxious , forever sitting biting her nails in an unsightly manner and shouting at Emily and I for the slightest thing . I worried about what was to become of our future as things looked bleak . August 23rd 1665 . London . When I woke the morning Emily looked very pale . Her face was as white as new sheets and sweat doused her brow . She lay in her bed twitching uncontrollably and seemed as though she was in terrible pain . When mother saw the state of her she burst into tears and ran out of the room to fetch for the doctor . By the time the doctor came around Emily 's condition was worse . She was vomiting violently and screaming in pain . The doctor was a short and older man and upon arrival held a handkerchief to his mouth . As he examined Emily I stood out of his way , watching from the doorway . Mother sat on a stool and silently watched the doctor prodding and poking her daughter and she kept wrapping her fingers around one another as if wishing it would bring her good fortune . However , it did not . " I am afraid your daughter has the plague . " The doctor told mother . She collapsed on the floor in floors of tears , begging it not to be true . The doctor lifted mother up with strong arms and placed her upon the stool . " Take these and wrap them in a handkerchief . It is the air that is infected and smelling these will clear it for you . It should protect you from the plague , " he to instructed mother handing her a bag of crushed Posies . " But what about Emily , what can I do ? ! " she wailed . The doctor hung his head slightly and sighed . After two days Emily showed no sign of improvement . As a matter of fact she seemed to be getting worse . The day the doctor had come she lay crying and screaming on and off , complaining about the pain . Yesterday she seemed quieter although she still sobbed . Today she barely spoke and the bedroom had a hushed atmosphere to it . Lumps appeared on her neck and under her arms making lying on the scratchy bed sheets very uncomfortable for her . They were the size of the egg that she had dropped only a few days ago . It seemed like a lifetime ago . Whenever anyone sat in the room with Emily they spoke in a quiet voice and over the day we had several visitors to check upon her . The doctor however did not come again . Every ten minutes or so mother and I would remove our handkerchief and smell the crushed Pansies . They smelt sweet , a big difference to the smell of death that seemed to have taken over the house . Around mid - day the local vicar came around the house with the holy book . Him and mother went upstairs to see Emily whilst I sat at the kitchen table , watching the empty streets . They were up there for some time and when the vicar left he looked saddened . He smiled slightly to me , as if trying to make me feel better about the situation . It didn 't work . August 26th 1665 . London . Emily passed away last night . I was sitting by her bedside when it happened . One minute she was staring at the ceiling , the next her eyes closed and she drew her last breath . I sat alone with Emily for several minutes before going to fetch mother . August 27th 1665 . London . Mother spent most of her time crying today . She sat at Emily 's bed and whispered sad words to a God that wasn 't listening . Father had taken the day off work and for the first time I watched him cry . Seeing him look so upset made me too cry but I turned away so they could not see . The vicar and the doctor also visited earlier , both at the same time . The doctor announced that Emily was dead , and even though mother already knew so it made her cry even more . Father glared at the doctor . The priest blessed Emily with holy water and read from the Bible for a short time before leaving to visit Nancy who had also fallen ill . I feared it wouldn 't be long before I was lying with Emily . It made me smile to think that I would be able to see her again if that happened and I spent the rest of the day playing pat - a - cake with the wall . August 28th 1665 . London . The dead collector came and took away Emily 's body last night . He threw her into the cart with little care and she landed with a thump upon the rest of the dead . The cart was nearly full to the brim , the numbers dead from the plague were meant to be in the thousands . This morning when I awoke mother was not up and father was no - where to be seen . I assumed he had gone to work . At mid - day there was still no sign of mother and so I decided to clean up the house a little . I took the broom around the kitchen and threw open the windows . When I went to open my parents bedroom windows I saw mother and father were both lying silently in bed still . They both looked pale and ill and as I saw them a lump in my throat blocked me from breathing for several seconds . Deciding not to cry I opened their curtains to allow the light in and went to fetch a damp cloth to cool their brows . A tear gently rolled down my cheek as the girls threw themselves to the floor and collapsed in a fit of giggles . My cold hand wiped it away before I turned to face the doctor . He said nothing , looking down at the floor so that I could see the bald patch that sad on top of his head . August 30th 1665 . London . " I am sorry for your loss , " he told me , taking my hand in his . I tried to smile but my face was numb . After several minutes he looked me in the eyes . " I have a way to get us out of London , " he told me , a glint n his eyes . For the first time in days I felt as though God had heard my prayers . " When the dead collector comes tonight for your parents and the others we sneak into the back of the cart along with them . My friend told me that the cart goes all of the way out of London , all we do id get off before it stops . " I considered the plan for a minute . It seemed unsure and poorly thought through but in the end I decided it was better than nothing . I nodded once to let him know I would help before going back inside to sit in the kitchen . September 7th 1665 . Oxford . As Thomas has said , the dead collector came that night and took my parents away . Thomas and I were also in the cart , hidden beneath the other bodies . We held handkerchiefs filled with posies to our noses to clean the air and waiting patiently for the cart to leave London . In the early hours of the morning it had stopped besides a huge pile of logs . We jumped from the cart and hid behind a patch of trees a small way away . My face burnt with anger as I saw them lighting a bonfire to burn the bodies . Thomas and I stayed around just long enough to watch them throw my parents bodies into the raging flames , ready to meet up with Emily once more . It took several days to get to Oxford , which was where we were planning on getting to . We had to beg a ride from a rich man in a horse - drawn coach . He took pity upon us and allowed us to ride up front with the driver . We arrived yesterday night and spent the night in the room of an ale - house . For the first time I tasted beer and although I disliked the taste I had drank so much that everything became dizzy . Thomas said I was drunk , just like father used to be when he came home from work . I cried myself to sleep that night . Today we went and looked around the town . It was our first time outside of London and everything seemed less crowded . The plague had not spread to here and life filled the streets . It made a change from the smell of death that seemed to hang over London during the past weeks . On the afternoon I sat by a little stream with Thomas , allowing the water to tickle my bare feet . He held my hand tight in his and smiled at me when ever I looked sad . I thought of mother , father and Emily , smiling as I remembered the happy memories . As we stood up to return to our room at the ale - house I decided to leave all my sadness for my loss behind me and start a new life . The following audio file is taken from the final datastream received from Station 33 - B7a , Galileo Outpost . Partial corruption is present , some entries may have been lost . By order of the Commonwealth High Senate , this document is declared classified to authorised officials , senators and flag officers only . Violation of these terms constitutes a federal offence . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Today was my first day on my new assignment , my first day on active duty on the Galileo outpost . To tell the truth , I was more glad to be doing something than daunted . It 's a big place , but it 's definitely boring when you don 't know anyone and don 't have anything to do . Having been here a week , I was definitely glad to be able to get to my duties . Galileo is a huge station , with literally thousands of personal . Most of them are fleet , but since the entire of the lower levels are laboratories , there a good deal of scientists running around . Not to mention the families . I 'm assuming most of the children belong to the scientists , but this place is so far flung that I wouldn 't be surprised to find a few officers having secretly brought their wives or girlfriends aboard . And off - duty time can definitely be boring … My shift was spent recalibrating sensors , and sifting through the extraordinary amounts of information picked up as a result . It only reaffirmed my belief that this part of the galaxy is a dead waste . Rock and dust and clouds of gas to spare , but not an inhabited world for light - years . By the time I knocked off , my eyes were gummy and strained from staring at the holo - screens , and I was beginning to get a sense of the overwhelming boredom which defines this place . I also met my roommate for the first time , despite the fact I 've been on the station for a week already . He came in just as I was getting ready to begin my shift , and after apologising for raiding my Centauran Whiskey stash ( I hadn 't even noticed was short any ) , introduced himself as Dirk Mandel . He 's a mid - level officer on the ops deck and he seems friendly enough . I assume he 's at the bar right now , and can only hope he doesn 't wake me when he returns . After my first day of real work in months , I have to say I 'm exhausted . Dirk and I have been getting along handsomely . After I got off my second shift , I wandered down to the bar in time to find him being forcibly ejected by the rather burly bartender . Blind drunk , and spotting me as a familiar face , he imposed upon me to guide him back to our quarters , where we both proceeded to drink the remainder of my whiskey . I was in a terrible state when my next shift came around , but I don 't think anyone noticed . Everything seems dead around - as if everyone is constantly half asleep . I 'm not sure I like it . It 's almost like they 're zombies , and I can 't help feeling they 'll infect me too … Dirk says he can get me a personal transmission soon , though . He 's officer in charge of station communications on the Ops deck . A Lieutenant . I didn 't realise ' til I saw him putting on his uniform , and when I saluted he promptly slapped me around the head , and told me not to be so stupid . But he doesn 't seem to be above abusing his position , and letting me send a personal message to Kay . It would certainly better to be able to send her news without having to wait for the monthly data - stream , though she would still have to use it . I 'm tempted to send her this diary , actually . Or maybe not . She might not think to kindly of my getting inexorably drunk . And with me stuck out here for at least a year , the last thing I need is for her to be mad at me . No , I 'll have to compose a different letter . But what in the heavens do I say ? Success ! After almost a week of promises I hardly dared hope in , somehow Dirk managed to get me reassigned . And not just any reassignment . I 'm now junior officer on the Ops deck . I didn 't believe him when he told me last night , but sure enough , the orders came through : ' Officer Stephen Harte , Junior Grade , report to the Operations Deck for reassignment , 09 : 00hrs ' . I was more nervous than at the Academy finals , waiting in that elevator capsule as it sped me to the nerve centre of the station . Dirk greeted me as I stepped off , and with a hand on my shoulder , said , ' Welcome to your new home , Stevie ! ' It was incredible . So much bigger than I 'd expected . Better than that cramped work terminal I shared with three others in astrometrics . Dirk stuck me on my own private console , and had me monitor all transmissions within and around the station . After a while he reprimanded me for doing my job , and we started a game of chess across the room . There was something strange though . A sort of stuffiness in the atmosphere . There was something about the way the Commandant kept calling officers into his cabin , and the way they came out white as if they 'd seen a ghost in there . I asked Dirk , but he was vague to the point where I suspect he doesn 't have a clue . But something definitely seemed amiss … Something is definitely happening . All of he senior staff were called into the briefing room today . I had to deal with the data stream myself ( and that was no barrel of laughs - each individual stream to be directed to the proper quarters and terminal and each identification and encryption code to be registered , not to mention scanning the whole bloody thing for viruses ! ) . Even the other junior officers seemed scared witless , and they know just as little as me . All of the major outpost actions had to be handled by us today , and although we did fairly well , there were a number of disasters . In particular , one young man kept forgetting the access codes his superior had given him , and every time he guessed them incorrectly , the whole station locked down . It happened about four times in my eight hour shift . Luckily one of the techies managed to hack the system to undo the damage , but by the fourth time of asking we were all a little tired of it , to say the least . Dirk got in a few minutes ago . He looked haggard . I hadn 't seen him since he went into the meeting , and just having checked the logs , he and all of the senior staff have been in the briefing room since then ! The whole of the station has been in the hands of the juniors all day ! It 's a wonder we haven 't blown the outpost to hell . Dirk wouldn 't tell me anything about what was happening , but he was scared witless , that much was clear . He told me under no circumstances to visit any levels lower than our quarters , ordered me even ( which is a bit of a blow , since the common area with all the bars and everything is below ) . He did give me his access codes though , so I can send as many transmissions as I like from the outpost 's array . When I asked him if he wouldn 't get into trouble , he gave a nervous laugh and told me , ' I think they have more important things to worry about , Stevie . ' He left straight away , and I haven 't a clue where he is now . Today was chaos . The senior staff were in meetings , or else just absent , for all of my shift , and from what I gather for most of the day . The most senior of the junior officers have formed their own level of command , and have taken the place of the senior staff . For some reason they seemed to have included me into their circle as well . I think it 's probably because I 'm quartered with a Lieutenant , though they must have been frightfully disappointed with what I could tell them ( I 'm the only junior officer quartered with a senior officer , and Dirk is the only Lieutenant without his own quarters . I 've checked on the manifest , using the access codes he gave me . I 'm not sure what to make of that , really , but it 's certainly confusing . In all the activity keeping the place from falling apart , I didn 't get a chance to send the letter I wrote for Kay . It 's beautiful , if I do say so myself . I think I 'll do it now , off Dirk 's terminal . God only knows where he is ( and presumably the Commandant , too ) , but the access codes for his console should be good . He might not be bothered about it being detected , but I think I 'll encode it in the reports anyway . Just in case . Kay should probably get it all the same . God but I miss her … Things seem to have returned somewhat to normality . The senior staff has retaken the Ops deck , and their posts , and the junior officers all received commendations for their actions . We still have no idea what was going on though , and to be honest it doesn 't feel like anything has changed . The officers are still jumpy , and there seems to be a tension in the air itself . I 've only been down to the common area once since Dirk ordered me not to go there . It was after the junior officers were commended , we all went down to celebrate ( meaning get unceremoniously drunk ) . It was strangely different to when I had been there with Dirk . For one thing , there were far fewer senior officers around . In fact , the senior bar was completely empty . There was an atmosphere of apprehension and trepidation there that seemed to me worse than on the Ops deck . It was like a thick soup in the air , a fog which I had to push my way through . There were very few smiles anywhere , though I doubt anyone had any clear ideas as to what was wrong . It was more a feeling than anything . That something bad had happened , was still happening , and would continue to happen … Needless to say , I didn 't stay long . I made my excuses and hurried back here , and I shall try and get some sleep . I 'm on duty again at 13 : 00hrs . I doubt I 'll get much rest though . There is too much going around my head at the moment … And I think I 'm coming down with something , as well . Something has definitely gone wrong . Dirk came in a few hours ago , and woke me up to tell me that I was no longer on duty at 13 : 00hrs . Instead I have to report to a briefing of the junior officers at 14 : 00hrs , by the Commandant himself . Dirk is worn almost to breaking point . He looks tired , starved , and scared out of his wits . I don 't know the last time he ate , and this is certainly the first time he 's slept in at least forty eight hours . He 's a mess . I 'm going to head for the briefing room now . I 'll take the long way around , so that I don 't get there too early , but I want to leave Dirk to sleep in peace . God knows he needs it . And I 've now decided , I 'm not stepping foot below this deck again , unless I 'm ordered too . Whatever the seniors are afraid of , it 's down there . The meeting has just finished . I 've come straight back to my quarters , and Dirk isn 't here - which is annoying , because I need to talk to him about everything . The Commandant , looking just as haggard as Dirk had , told all of us ( the junior officers commended ) what 's been happening . It 's worse than I thought . And I 'm surprised I haven 't come back to find Dirk having topped himself in the shower . That 's a point … … Nope , the shower is completely empty . But anyway , one of the laboratories on the lower levels has had a containment breach . It should have been nothing , as there was nothing that would be harmful to the outpost populace on the outpost . But it appears someone screwed up . Big time . Some sort of viral agent has begun spreading through the lower levels . All of the laboratories have been sealed off , as well as the lower quarters . No one is allowed in or out of the quarantined zones , with lancers guarding the doors . But somehow , the infection keeps getting past the barriers . It adapts to the scrubbers , and finds some sort of mystery way through doors that should be airtight . It is slowly but surely taking the station from us . The medical corps have had no luck with it , and the Commandant has ordered them to stop trying . They just end up infecting more and more . There is a pretty collection of doctors and nurses dying of the thing sealed away in the quarantine chambers apparently . I wish Dirk was here . I could do with knowing what this contagion is … It 's all going to hell . The Commandant has ordered complete isolation of the upper decks . There were riots yesterday , and shots were fired . I haven 't heard any reports of it I trust yet , but we all heard the shots being fired , the screams . There was nothing we could do though . We had to keep working , under the steely glares of the senior officers . They 're scarcely human any more , cold and empty from all the fear and stress lately . Dirk is a mess . I 've seen him once today , hurtling across the Ops deck , to the Commandant 's office . He had blood across his face , and his wide - eyed scare was emptier and more hollow than before . I called , but I don 't think he even heard me . I guess he had been with the lancers . The entire thing is escalating . I think I 'll send Kay a message explaining what 's happening . It 'll worry her no end , but she deserves to know what 's happening . The end is upon us . The senior officers have barricaded themselves in the Ops Deck , and I 'm just thankful I was on duty when they did . We 've isolalated the Ops Deck from the rest of the station , and nothing can get in or out . Dirk is here with me , and together we 're working our way through the Commandant 's private brandy stock . I actually believe I won 't make it out of here . I might send a last transmission to Kay … I said nothing could get in or out , but seemingly the contagion can . There is mass pandemonium here , though it 's calmed down now . The Commandant and several Lieutenants have fallen sick , and it resulted in a mutiny . For the best , I think . The sick men are confined to the Commandant 's office , but it 's only a matter of time until the rest of us fall sick too . There are seven of us here ( including Dirk and me ) and we 're all in various stages of inebriation . Not that we 'll get any worse now , the rest of the alcohol is in the office with the sick men . At least they can drink their pain away . We 've turned off the cameras . People are growing desperate across the outpost . Some of the things I 've seen … I don 't know what to make of it all . Civilization is in tatters , and the best way out of this situation is if no one ever hears of Galileo outpost again . I 'm not sure whether it 's worse to get the disease , or to be trapped in the cycle of fear of it . It 's over . Only me and Dirk are left . The rest have contracted the disease , and taken their own lives almost immediately . Seven corpses in only a day . It 's ridiculous . And I can 't even hear any noises from the Commandant 's office any more . I 'm going to die out here , alone , scared , and so far away from Kay … Dirk is sick . He doesn 't realise it yet , but he will do soon enough . There are blisters across the back of his neck : red , pus - filled sores . It looks horrible , but the worst part is knowing what will come next . They 'll spread , until his face is completely disfigured , and then he 'll start writhing in the pain of it , breaking the blisters and spilling blood and pus everywhere . Then he 'll hack up his guts for the next three days , until his lungs give out and he dies on the floor , drowning in his own blood . I 've taken his gun . I don 't think he 's noticed . He won 't until he realises he 's sick , and then he 'll want it to blow his head off . I guess I 'm just a selfish bastard . I just don 't want to be left alone right now . There are sounds at the blast doors . People are trying to get in . They won 't , but in some ways the sounds of their suffering is worse than if they did . Dirk is dead . He realised almost an hour ago that he was sick . He was livid with me for taking his gun . He shouted , threatened me , he even stripped me of my rank and told me in a deadly serious voice that he would take me to court martial . Sorry , poor choice of words there … Then he just broke down and sobbed . It was the worst thing so far . To see him just crying there . He told me all about how he 'd joined the corps in hope of one day commanding his own vessel , and if only he could have made it through assignment here he knew he would have had his own command . He didn 't so much tell me , as rather he said it and I heard . I didn 't interrupt . I wouldn 't have known what to say anyway , but my tongue wouldn 't say a word . At the end of his sad tirade , he looked me straight in the eyes and said , ' Stevie , I don 't want it to end like this . Please Stevie … Not this way … ' There was nothing else I could do . I nodded , I saluted … and then I shot him . One round , through the forehead . He didn 't feel a thing . And now I 'm alone on the Ops deck , with just the corpse of my dead friend for company . Oh God , what do I do now ? I am acting Commandant of Galileo outpost . Not bad , considering that this morning I was a junior officer on the Ops deck . I know what I have to do now . I 've taken a look through the files , and this contagion can 't be stopped . The quarantine beacon has shut down ( though why , I 'm not sure ) , and I need to make sure that the virus never reaches earth . After my brief research I am sure that if I activate the station 's auto - destruct , the resulting explosion will destroy the virus . Unfortunately , it will destroy the station too . That 's the only drawback . Though in all honesty I can 't see any uninfected on the cameras … There . It 's done . In five minutes , the reactor core will go critical , and the entire station will be destroyed in an explosion of radioactive dust . I do my duty , even to the point of death , and I 'll die here on the Ops Deck . I 'm sending a final transmission to Earth , with everything that happened here , including all data on the contagion . I 'll include this too . Kay , if you ever get this … I love you … and I 'm sorry … Note to reader : This is not a true story but the virus is loosely based on the Marburg virus outbreak in the Eastern Congo . The zoonosis is of unknown origin but fruit bats are suspected . This virus is spread through bodily fluids . My senses are screaming that this dank forest is alive with movement and danger . But I don 't care . Birds and insects are creating a natural symphony in the dead of night , playing with my nerves like a broken banjo . I blindly run on faster through the dark , letting the baby palm fronds whip my legs as I rush pass . Something hard lands on my shoulder . I jump and brush it off all in one movement ; not bothering to stop and to see what it is . I am in a hurry . My daughter , Beah , is in need of the doctor . Boiled groundnut water is no longer holding off the fever that infects my daughters head . My wife Livia has whispered prayers all night to no avail . I glimpse a light up ahead telling me I am nearing the medicine hut . The heady smell of something similar to eucalyptus is strong in the air . It is stagnant and heavy . This smell comforts me and I take a deep breath before knocking on the door . Mama keeps telling me that papa has left for the medicine lady . But these minutes feel so long . My head is so wobbly . Like a balloon fill half way with water . I cannot lift it without my brain flopping around . The room spins when I move … so I just lay here on my side . My sweat is dripping down my head and fills my nostril . I am afraid to tell mama that I might be pregnant because I kissed Ishmael down behind the church last week . I did not know having babies hurt so much in the head . I wonder if God is punishing us because I heard Ishmael is sick with a rash too . My tummy hurts so badly . I 'm sorry God ; I did not know I could have babies at 7 years old . " No ! … . I mean … . Pashna … we have been friends since we were children , I would not ask you if it were not important . " Crickets filled the silence between us . I watch as Pashna grabs her medicine bag , sighing as she hobbled as quickly as she could out the door . Father rushed in with Dr . Pashna quick behind him . Mama whispers to them , but I can 't hear them because my ears feel funny . Papa keeps dancing and puts on a purple hat made of the most beautiful cloth I have ever seen . He smiles , and flies the hat over to me . " Oh papa you 're so silly . Thank you for this hat . I will wear it always ! Will you teach me to fly too papa ? " " It is worse that I thought " Pashna confirmed " We must act immediately . Quick hand me some palm oil from my bag , and find me some fresh cassava leaves . This is going to be a long night , so boil some water and get a few clean rags " I feel my daughter 's hot skin and pray to God she will be ok . The fever has made her head mad . Pashna says she is seeing things that are not there , and that the devil is trying to draw her away from us . Pashna looks unbearably tired , rubbing cold wet cloths on her neck , as she makes a salve for Beah . Her eyes are sunken and permanent pouches have made a new home under her eyes . I am startled out of my weary thoughts when Pashna jumps from her seat . Beah has begun to cough . Pashna is spray painted with Beah 's blood . Blood coughed from the inside . Black blood is now dripping out of Beah 's mouth and it ripples with every ragged breath . My chest is in my throat . A loud noise crashes behind me as Livia faints to the ground taking picture frames and books with her . I rush over and steady her into a chair I fan her till she is fully awake . I do not realize I am crying until Livia thumbs away my tears and kisses my salty lips to comfort me We enter the cooking area and I kneel to absently stoke the fire . Pashna put her hand on my shoulder and I shake my head not wanting to hear her words . " Livia can 't handle the stress . We have to take up more of the responsibility . You are going to see things you have never seen before , happen to your child but you must remain strong . You must be the pillar so that your daughter will live . I have seen this to often lately Talloi … this unknown fever is running though our village . Four grown men this past week have departed for the spirit world . Just today we lost little Ishmael junior to it . " I turn sharply with wide unbelieving eyes to look at Pashna . " We must keep a close eye on Beah tonight " she continued with her head slumped " these are the crucial hours that will tell the tale of whether she will make it or not . " A loud bang on the front stoop broke our conversation . A large man I recognize , who teaches at Beah 's school , opens our door . Pashna and I jump as he yells wildly about help and holds out his infant baby girl , her bony legs and arms swinging lifelessly over his massive arms . What is happening to our village ? Pashna takes hold of the baby and barely shakes her head . It is too late . " Your baby is still hot to touch , but her life 's breath has already breathed its last . " Pashna says quietly . " No " he shouts pointing at Pashna " Mia is ok ! " The man is sweating and his eyes are yellow from fatigue . He lets out a groan and takes the baby , shaking her gently . Pashna moves to take the man into her arms , but the man brushes her away " you will pay for this woman ! " he screeches accusingly . His eyes are wild and his breathing rapid . He grasps the baby into his chest and turns running into the darkness leaving Pashna with her arms still stretched out . Papa is screaming . Are bee 's stinging my skin ? So cold . Why isn 't Dr . Pashna helping ? " MAMA " I try scream , but she doesn 't listen . " My tummy mama ! " I hear people running all over and I can taste dirt in my mouth … " Papa I 'm scared " I am so tired . We lost Beah 4 days ago , and I feel like my lungs are in a vise . My mind won 't let me think . I feel like I am in a dream . Livia has had the fever for 3 days now , and from looking at her you would think she was dead already . My life feels surreal . I see this sickness taking my family away and I just sit here … I feel like it is happening to someone else . Pashna is feeding Livia inhumane amounts of water , and her stomach is soft and bloated from the effect . Mayhem is in the village . Pashna is called a witch , we are called the carriers . They all seem to blame us . Yet everyday there are those who stop by the house to have a word with Pashna . To get some answers . The cemetery is getting full and we have no idea how to stop this madness . Pashna muffles her moaning . She is trying to hide that she too is sick . I clear my throat and pretend not to notice , for if we lose her medicinal help , we may lose Livia … we may lose the town . Sweat drips off us all . We are so tired , and do not know whether it is day , or night , or next week . Pashna begins to shake . I let out a silent whimper , and lunge forward as she starts to violently throw up mucousy blood . Her thinning grey hair gets tangled in the mess and I grab Beah 's old cup of water to rinse her clean . She motions me to stop her voice shaking , " Talloi , you must leave and save yourself . This sickness will infect us all . You must leave now , you must leave the town , and bring word to the other villages that this place is in quarantine and is surely lost . " " Don 't say that Pashna … . " I cry " we can make it through … we can … " Livia starts to cough blood which has not stopped trickling out of her mouth for days . She is following Beah 's death path . Her bones are beginning to show under her thin skin . I feel put in my place . I feel selfish . If I am the only healthy one left , then it is my duty to let others know . I nod my head in despair , for I do not want to know this fate . Livia has not woken in days her breathing comes in gasps and rumbles with mucus . I go tIt is again night time , and I am walking though the forest . I am not sure how long I have been walking for . I no longer hear the pain of the town echoing off the trees . I heard babies crying for mothers that have long passed and I grieve for there is no one left to take care of them . The forest is again alive with danger , but his time the bird and crickets are playing a symphony of sorrow that soothes me . They do not play to mock me . They have seen my pain . I stumble my way through the darkness . Baby palm fronds lick my legs as I drag myself by . I am so tired . My head is pounding , and I am sticky with another 's blood . Something hard falls on my shoulder , but this time I am to tired to push it off . I feel it crawl down my back and somehow lose track of it . I see a light , which tells me the next village is ahead . I guiltily rejoice and jog towards the village for help . Thanking God that the fever won 't get me here . Rodger walked over to Charlie , rubbing his hand through his black hair worriedly . " She wasn 't there when I went to feed the dogs this morning . I thought someone had mistakenly taken her out on patrol , but she 's still not back . " Charlie swore , " They know they can 't take the dogs out whenever they want . I 've told everyone that a hundred times . Who 's going to sniff out the infected , if they 're too damn tired from playing all day . " He took a deep breath , ending his rant , before continuing . " You start looking for her . I 'll ask everyone downstairs if they 've seen her . " Rodger nodded and headed off . He wondered where he should look first . There were only so many places to hide in the building . The former church was full of survivors and supplies . So only a few of the smallest closets and a few of the worst rooms in the basement were free of people . He decided to check the roof . If any kids were playing with the dog they 'd be up there . As much as he wanted to find Lassie , he really hoped the few kids they had weren 't playing with her . They 'd have to be punished for breaking the the rules , and people were on edge enough already . Having over fifty people staying at the church hoping none of the infected attacked was enough to make anyone freak out if they were given the slightest push . It was too bad they couldn 't spread out a little bit . Unfortunately the church was the only strong building in the area that didn 't have large easily broken windows at ground level . So the people who hadn 't succumbed to the virus , hadn 't been killed at the hands of their insane friends and family , and hadn 't fled the city , or committed suicide , had come here . If it wasn 't for the fact that the sick didn 't like bright lights , and the dogs being able to sniff them out during the later stages of infection , they 'd all be dead right now . It was hard to imagine that only a little over a week since the infection had hit the US , the entire Eastern Seaboard had collapsed . It wasn 't easy staying alive . Everyone was hungry , tired of the nightly attacks , sick of having no privacy , suffering from lack of medicine and a whole textbook of psychological trauma . The radio reports of quarantines in the remaining cities of North America didn 't help either . The announcers had stopped reporting on what cities were still alive , a few days ago . According to a person on the short wave radio , people had started rioting in some of the cities as reports kept rolling in of how other cities were collapsing all around them . That had only made the situation in the church worse . They really didn 't need a missing dog thrown into the " Thanks , " Rodger said walking away . Rodger threw himself against the wall of the narrow staircase to avoid Charlie . " Are we being attacked ? " Rodger asked , panicked . " I found Lassie , " Charlie gasped . " She 's dead . Torn apart . She was in the basement . " Rodger slumped down onto the stairs . Someone was infected inside the building . " Do you know who ? " " Kandace , one of the little kids told me she saw Sam with Lassie early this morning when she was suppose to be asleep . She says she recognized his hat . But I 'm not sure how good of a witness she is . " * * * * , thought Rodger . This couldn 't be happening . Anyone who was still sane was suppose to be immune to the airborne virus . Only direct contact was suppose to be a danger to them . But who else but one of those sick bastards would tear an animal apart . They couldn 't risk it , if someone was infected they had to get rid of them now . " Charlie , get Sam he 's on the roof , bring him to my office , " he said . " Should I bring some guards ? " Charlie asked . Rodger shook his head . " No I want this kept between you , me and Sam , if that 's possible . We can 't have a panic . " Charlie nodded and went up the stairs . Rodger walked to his office . Five minutes later as Rodger sat in his chair there was a knock on the door . " Come in , " Rodger said . Sam stepped in , Charlie looked in briefly and then closed the door . He 'd make sure no one came by and just happened to overhear what was occurring . Sam was kneading his cowboy hat nervously , his sunglasses still on . " Please have a seat , and take your sunglasses off , " Rodger said . " Okay , " Sam said doing as he was told . He kept his eyes down and looked around the room , obviously trying to avoid eye contact . " What can I do for you ? Charlie was pretty close mouthed . " " Did you kill Lassie ? " Rodger asked bluntly . Sam 's head flicked back and forth , trying to avoid Rodgers eyes . " What ! " he said a few seconds later , sounding more scared then shocked . " Look at me , " Rodger said . " I need to see your eyes . " Sam looked at Rodger , his eyes were a sickly yellow , the first clear sign of infection . He started crying . Rodger took the gun from his lap and pointed it at Sam . " I need to know how this happened . Did the virus mutate again ? " " I got a nail in my foot three days ago . It wasn 't a bad cut or anything , I didn 't notice until we got back , " Sam said , his voice rising and falling strangely , he was on the edge of panic . " One of the infected must have cut themselves on the same thing a little while before . I cleaned it out as soon as I realized . It was just too late . Please , I don 't want to die . " " Why did you kill Lassie ? " Rodger said trying to keep the remorse out of his voice . He had to be strong . " I just needed to attack something . I wanted to kill something . But I knew I couldn 't hurt a person . So I grabbed the nearest dog . I tried to control myself . I held out for an entire day before I did it , " he pleaded . " You don 't know what its like . But I 'm working on it . I can control myself . Please don 't kill me . I 'll leave the church . You 'll never see me again . I swear , just let me leave . " Rodger shook his head , " I 'm sorry , but you 're not leaving here . I won 't let another infected out into the world . " As Sam rose angrily , Rodger aimed the gun directly at his chest . " Please don 't make me shoot you . You have two choices . I can shoot you , and I will . But I don 't want to shoot a friend like a rabid dog . I also need to consider the other people here . If I shoot you they 'll know soon enough and start to panic . I won 't let you leave alive , but there is another means , where no one has to know you were infected and you won 't feel a thing . " " You want me to commit suicide , " Sam said bitterly his tears forgotten . " Should I just throw myself off the roof , or shoot myself in the head ? " Rodger tossed a pill bottle to Sam with his free hand . " It 's heart medication . No one here uses it so you can . Just take five of the pills and in half an hour you 're hear will effectively seize up . It 's practically painless you won 't even realize whats happening until a few seconds before you collapse . Charlie or I will stay with you until you die . " " Making sure I don 't hurt anyone , " Sam sneered . " Making sure you don 't die alone , " Rodger answered him sadly . " We don 't want to do this . But this is the only way to keep what few healthy people there still are working together , and not panicking . Now please take the pills , its the only mercy I can show you . " Sam opened the pill bottle and slowly took one pill after the other . He stood up and walked to the door . " I 'll go with Charlie , don 't worry I won 't make a scene . You can sit here and wonder about your Hippocratic Oath while you figure out what to say to everyone . " The room shook as he slammed the door shut . Rodger bowed his head and cried . Wow , thanks Dom . That 's very high praise , and means a lot to me : redface : I 'm still a bit in shock that I won . All of the entries were very good stories . |
Nicky watched Tom 's face in the mirror as he moved toward her . She stood naked with her back to him . He smiled at her and she shivered in anticipation . He was tall , well built and handsome as the devil and she could feel herself responding to his smile and the seductive words he whispered in her ear . As he took her in his arms , she gave herself willingly to him to do with as he would . She felt his erection pushing against her butt as she bent forward and spread her legs allowing him entry . As he pushed into her , he pulled her hips tightly against him and she began to move with him as he pumped in and out , moving faster and faster as she rose to a climax . It rushed toward her with an intensity that she welcomed . As her climax was about to peak , she looked over her shoulder and into her husband 's face just as it changed to Harris 's face . She screamed and awoke from her dream with a crash . It was just a dream but it had seemed so real . But why had the face changed ? As she lay in bed , she remembered . She had thought about this day for the last two weeks and when Tom , her husband , told her he would be working late again , she had made her plans . She remembered the phone call to Harris just three days ago . She told him that Tom would be working late again and this was the chance they had been waiting for . It was just two weeks ago when Tom called to tell her he would be late coming home again . This was becoming a habit that she didn 't like , and it was so unlike him to do something like that . She was fixing dinner when Harris had called to say he was stopping by that evening . Harris and Tom had been friends since boyhood and they had maintained their friendship all through their adult life . Harris was recently divorced and had been spending a lot of time at their place , playing with the little ones and trying to resume a normal life . Rita , his wife , had cheated on him and he had come home to find her and one of her coworkers in bed together . Harris had lost his temper and beat the man half to death before the police arrived and pulled him off . Neither had pressed charges so Harris was spared jail time . Rita tried to get Harris to forgive her and take her back but he would have nothing to do with her . She contested the divorce , but there were no children involved so it went relatively quickly once Rita found that Harris was going to stick to his guns and settle for nothing less than the divorce . Since then , Harris had spent most of his free time with them , not dating or going out much . When Harris arrived , she noticed he seemed quiet and withdrawn . He asked about Tom , but she told him that Tom would be late and that dinner was already finished so they might as well go ahead and eat . She had already fed the twins and they were taking a nap , so Harris accepted and they ate a companionable dinner together . She noticed that he seemed quiet and preoccupied as they ate , and as they were finishing dessert with coffee , she asked Harris to talk about what was bothering him . At first he refused , but she kept after him until he finally relented . " Nicky , you know I love you and Tom . You two are my best friends and you were there for me when my life fell apart . I wouldn 't do anything to hurt either one of you . You know that . " " I know that , Harris . But I know something 's bothering you and you have to tell me about it . You 've suffered enough and I just want to help take some of the worry from you . So tell me what 's bothering you . " " What I have to say is going to hurt you and maybe Tom . I don 't know how I can do that . If I hurt either of you , I 'll just want to kill myself , but if I don 't tell you , you could be hurt much worse later and I couldn 't stand that so I don 't know what to do . " " Just tell me and let me worry about the rest . I 'm here for you . You know that and nothing you could tell me would change that . Go ahead , let it out . " She said nothing for a long time as she stared at Harris with eyes wide open and her mouth forming an " O " of shock . There were no tears yet : the shock was too great and the denial was too strong . She refused to believe . " I don 't believe you . Why would you say something like that to me ? What do you mean he is cheating ? I don 't believe you . " Nicky was almost crying as what he had said began to sink in . " I 'm telling you the truth . Tom is cheating with a woman named Phyllis and she works in his office . I saw them twice at the Holiday Inn on Cheves Street . They went up to one of the rooms and stayed there for over an hour each time . It happened three weeks ago and again last Tuesday . " " I never asked him about it because I didn 't want to know anything about it but I couldn 't let you be hurt by this . It isn 't fair to you for Tom to be doing this . I had to tell you . " That was the conversation and she and Harris talked about it for the next hour or so after she put the twins to bed and made a pact not to let Tom know that they had found out about his affair . When Tom came home that night , Nicky behaved as if nothing was different and Tom showed no indication that he was cheating . He even tried to make love but Nicky pleaded fatigue . Even though she hid her feelings , she was thinking about her next moves and what she would do to confront Tom . The more she thought of it the angrier she became . She cried herself to sleep that night and many nights after that when Tom fell asleep . Things slowly returned to a normal pattern for Nicky as she let the infidelity simmer in her subconscious . She had not forgotten , just suppressed . It further infuriated her that Tom continued to behave as though he were not cheating on her . He was very good at hiding his affair she had to admit . It was one evening after Tom had called saying that he would be late again that Nicky decided what she was going to do . She thought about it for a while and then called Harris , asking him to come over . Once he was there she described her plan to him . He listened and tried to withhold the smile that had been building as she told him what she wanted to do . He very solemnly declared that he would help her even though it would hurt him to deceive Tom that way . With his agreement , Nicky began to finalize her plan . She very carefully wrote a letter to Tom , describing in full detail exactly what she would be doing and that she would be doing it with Harris . She had confided in Harris her plan to tell Tom , but had not told Harris that she was going to identify him . Harris believed she was going to keep his part in this anonymous , the only reason he had agreed to it . She read and re read the letter , making sure it delivered the maximum amount of hurt to Tom . Once she was satisfied , she put the letter in an envelope addressed to Tom in big block letters and put it in her purse to wait the right time . She asked Tom that evening if he had an idea of the next time he would be working late since she wanted to spend the evening with her sister who lived about an hour away . She wanted to make plans for the twins to stay with her mom while they visited . Both Nicky 's mom and dad were still alive and lived just three miles away . Her sister was single and had never considered marriage . She was happy living by herself and enjoyed her life but rarely visited with Nicky or their parents . Tom said that he suspected the next evening would be that Wednesday . He wasn 't sure , but it looked like a good bet . Nicky thanked him and said she would make tentative plans . The next day , she called the Holiday Inn and booked a room for that evening . She put the room in her own name and made sure that she used one of their joint credit cards . It was important that Tom be able to verify that she had stayed there . She next called Harris and told him to be prepared for Wednesday as the day . He agreed and said he would take off work early just to be sure . The next day went very slowly as Nicky waited to see if this Wednesday was to be the day she got back at Tom . She couldn 't wait to see the reaction on his face as he read the letter , knowing that when he did it would be too late to stop it from happening . She would let him know the pain and hurt she had suffered . She wanted him to pay . About 1 : 30 that day , Tom called to say he was indeed going to be working late . He said that he thought he could be home by 9 : 00 that evening and if she was going to her sister 's he would just pick up something to eat on the way home . She thanked him and hung up , elated and jumping with energy . This was it ! Payback time . She called Harris at work and told him to pick her up at the house at 6 : 00 that evening . He said he was ready and hoped he could do this . She said that she would help him and not to worry . She got the twins ready and took them to her mother 's place . Her mom loved watching the twins so it was never a problem getting her to agree . She packed a small overnight bag with some very naughty items , her cosmetics and those essentials she would need to make herself irresistible to Harris . She also took some casual clothes for afterwards and whatever else she thought she might need . She showered and dressed in a short red dress she used to wear a lot when she and Tom went out more . It was cut low in the back and very short , hitting her at mid thigh . She still fit into it very nicely since she kept herself quite trim . She knew she looked good since she was hit on often at the health club . Tom always complimented her on her figure , which again caused her to question why he would cheat on her . She put the letter to Tom on the kitchen counter right next to the coffee cup that he always used . He would see it almost immediately . Once he saw it he would open it and read . By that time , she and Harris would have already done the deed and he would have to accept the knowledge that he had caused his wife to be unfaithful . And since she was telling him about Harris , he would know that she had cheated with his best friend . The double hit would make the pain even worse . That 's what she hoped for . Bastard ! She had Harris pick her up at the house and they drove directly to the hotel . She had already pre - registered so she had only to give them her card and pick up the room key . Harris waited by the elevators while she completed the registration . They then went to the room together . They were in the room and she had removed all of her clothes to stand naked in front of the mirror , her back to him , just as in her dream . Harris moved toward her as she stood there . She watched his reflection as he moved . He smiled at her and she shivered in anticipation . He was tall , well built and handsome as the devil and she could feel herself responding to his smile and his seductive words . This was to be his reward for telling her about Tom . She would submit to him and let him make love to her just as Tom was doing with his lover . Two could play this game and she was going to enjoy it . But she remembered her dream and remembered that this was just revenge . Pleasure would imply that she wanted to do this with a man not her husband and that caused her to question her actions . Harris , for his part , was excited . He finally had the opportunity to fuck Nicky . He had been waiting for this day for a long , long time and his plan had finally borne fruit . He had hatched this plot about Tom cheating when he found out that Tom was going to be working late one or two nights a week with Phyllis and three other members of a planning team . They were planning a major expansion and Tom was the leader of the team . If they could pull this off , Tom told Harris that it would lead to a major promotion and a trip to Europe for him and Nicky . He wanted to keep it as a surprise for Nicky until he was sure about it . Harris had then told Nicky that Tom was cheating on her and named Phyllis as the woman . He knew Nicky didn 't know Phyllis and so couldn 't check directly . Tom was so secretive that he only called Nicky after he had planned a work session so he played into the plot , making Harris ' job easier . Nicky was convinced and she was now going to be his . Harris pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it into a corner . He unbuckled his belt and opened the waist of his pants and stepped out of them with a kick . He was down to his jockeys , looking at one of the most beautiful sights of his life . Nicky was magnificent : her ass in front of him was wonderful , her tits big and natural , hips full , waist tiny and legs that were absolutely magnificent . She was looking at him in the mirror with a slight smile and she looked so gorgeous standing there . He slipped his jockeys over his hips and let his engorged cock spring free . He moved toward her with his arms open . Nicky tentatively backed into his arms and let him pull her to his body . She could feel his erection pushing against her butt and she could feel the heat emanating from him . It was like a furnace , he was so hot . She on the other hand was shivering as if chilled . He closed his arms around her and instead of feeling warm and protected , she felt confined and suffocated . She tried to relax and let this happen but she couldn 't . He moved one hand to her breasts and the other to her sex . He rubbed her mound and she began to respond , letting him touch her . He slipped a finger between her swollen lips and began to move it along the slit . She could feel the wetness beginning and her breath became short . As she looked up to her reflection to see herself wrapped in his embrace with one hand on her tits and one hand between her legs , she suddenly realized that what she was about to do was not revenge : it was just wrong ! Nicky pushed away from Harris and wrapped her arms around herself . She wouldn 't look at him and kept her back to him . She was suddenly ashamed of her nakedness . " Nicky , what 's the matter ? Are you OK ? I would never hurt you ; you know that . Please , let me hold you and make love to you as we planned . I 'll make you feel good . OK ? " " I don 't know what the matter is . I 'm scared and I can 't feel anything but terror . I need to do this , but I 'm having second thoughts . Please , let me think . " Nicky tried to move back to the bathroom to get a bathrobe but Harris stepped in front of her and tried to hold her again . She moved away but he followed . She was becoming afraid of him and tried to tell him so . " Harris , please . You 're scaring me . I asked you to wait and let me think . I don 't know what 's wrong but I don 't think I can do this . " She again tried to move past him but he continued to block her . " Nicky , I think you need to come here to me and let me make love to you . That 's all I have been thinking of and you know we are just doing this to punish Tom for his cheating . Right ? Come on Nicky , stop teasing me and let 's do this . " " I don 't think I can do this . I 'm sorry , but I am going to get dressed and go home . I still have time to get the letter I left so that he doesn 't know anything about you and me and this night . I guess I can 't cheat the way Tom did . I love him too much and I believe in my marriage vows . " " You didn 't tell him you were going to be here with me , did you ? You said you were going to keep my part of this quiet . Tom will kill me . " " I told him about you and that you were the one who helped me see what he had done . He can 't get mad at you since he is the one that was wrong . He will be angry with me but sorry for making me do it . You 'll be fine as long as I can get the letter before he sees it . But he is working late tonight so we have plenty of time . " She went to her purse and looked at the caller ID . It was Tom , calling from work . " Hello Tom , where are you . I thought you were working tonight . " " Hi babe . I 'm done and I am free the rest of the evening . I 've got some really great news that I want to share with you so I 'll be home in about 30 minutes with a bottle of champagne . We 're going to celebrate tonight . " " I 'm at work . Where did you think I would be when I told you I was working late ? Did you think I was having an affair or something ? Not likely with you at home waiting for me . I 'll see you in 30 ! " With that he hung up and left a startled Nicky starring at the dead phone . Nicky turned to Harris and told him what Tom had said . She wanted to know why Tom was calling from work if he was cheating as Harris said . He just stared at her as he saw his plans turn to crap . Tom would be home in half an hour and his chance at having a piece of Nicky was gone forever . He saw in her face that she now knew he had been conning her and on top of that , if they didn 't get to her house in the next 30 minutes to get that letter that the stupid bitch had left , he was going to be up shit creek without a paddle . Tom would kill him for sure and he was one of the few people who knew Tom and his background well enough to know that Tom really would do it . He and Tom grew up on the streets of south LA and while he was one of the vast army of grunts that did the dirty work , Tom was one of the generals and he was no one to cross . He had come a long way from his past but the past was still a part of him and that explained in part why he was so successful in business . Tom knew people and people owed him . He told Nicky to get dressed and get her stuff . They had to get home before Tom . She was panicked and was throwing her clothes back on , ignoring underwear and socks . She was ready to go in just under 3 minutes . Harris was ready as well and they ran from the room and down the stairs , not waiting for an elevator . They found the car and Harris opened the doors via his remote . They jumped into the car and he backed out with tires squealing . He pulled away and drove to the exit onto the main thoroughfare . He slowed only slightly with a cursory glance at the traffic and pulled out with his foot on the accelerator . Just as he cleared the exit from the hotel , he saw the truck coming from Nicky 's side . He floored the gas , hoping to clear the truck , but there was not enough time . The truck hit the car on the passenger 's side , just behind the rear wheel . The car was spun around almost 360 degrees and while Nicky was spared the direct impact , the jolt slammed her against the window and blood flew everywhere from a head wound . That was the last thing Harris remembered until he woke up in the hospital two days later . When his boss , George Turner asked Tom to put together a team to develop a plan to expand the business in Europe , he was delighted . He wanted this in the worst way . He knew that this was the key to that elusive promotion he wanted and deserved . It had been his goal but with the business straining against the limitations of domestic traffic , he wasn 't sure what else he could do . He had considered looking for another job somewhere else , but had built so much here that he would lose a great deal . If he could pull this off , he could get the European operation for himself . He never discussed this with Nicky since she seemed to be quite happy with things as they were . She didn 't work and she took care of the two little ones so she was content with his schedule . He was home most of the time and he traveled very little . This pleased her and she didn 't see any reason to change it . He couldn 't blame her . He made very good money so they had no worries about finances and no pressures on them . He had spoken of the assignment with Harris but didn 't give him many details . He was not much into business and Tom usually saw him nodding off if he discussed his job with him . He just told him that he would be working some late nights and that Phyllis was on his team . This interested Harris since he always had a thing for her . She was OK , just not Tom 's type , but she was a hell of a good accountant so he was glad she was on his team . He usually knew when he would have late meetings but he tried to make Nicky believe they were random events so he always called her on the day he was going to be late . This happened no more than 4 or 5 times but she was getting tired of it already . At the rate they were progressing , he didn 't think it would take many more meetings to resolve their issues and present their plan of action . He had put together a team of hard working and loyal people and he believed they had already achieved the basic milestones and building blocks and that Mr . Turner would be impressed . It looked like they could do this and have an operation up and going in less than 8 months , about 5 months ahead of estimates . At that rate , they would be seeing revenue by the end of the year . He had worked late last week and he knew that Nicky was angry with him . He wasn 't sure why now of all times she would be mad but he knew it wouldn 't be more that one or two more times and they would be done . He let it go and they didn 't discuss it . Monday Nicky asked him if he would be working late this week and he said that he would check . He already had a meeting scheduled for Wednesday so he told her to tentatively plan on that . She said she wanted to go to her sister 's place and he agreed that would be a good plan . He confirmed it Wednesday and she made plans to go . He hoped that this would be the last meeting they needed since they had made some real progress . Time would tell . Wednesday afternoon , he called a planning meeting and they reviewed the program schedule they had drawn up that morning . He opened the meeting for discussion and they found that they were all in agreement . They were ready to present their program . Tom called George Turner and he agreed to hear them immediately . They made their pitch ; they answered all questions and their numbers held up to scrutiny . Mr . Turner asked a few brief questions , which they answered and he finally stopped . He looked at Tom and said , " This is outstanding work . You and your team have done the impossible . I want this ready to present to the board of directors Friday but I can tell you now that it 's a done deal . Tom has told me of each of your contributions and you can all count on a bonus in your next paycheck . Tom ; I want to see you after this meeting . " After the rest of the team left , George offered Tom the promotion he had been after for so long . He told him that this put him over the top and that he was pleased to make Tom the newest VP of Operational Planning . Tom would report directly to him and he could pick his own department members . It was what he had been waiting for . As soon as he could , he left to call Nicky . He put in the call to home but there was no answer . Since it was already late , he thought maybe she was in transit between home and her sister 's place so he called her cell . She finally answered after about 4 rings . When she answered he was too excited to notice anything unusual and simply told her to get home so that he could give her some good news and they could celebrate . She seemed surprised and didn 't make a lot of sense but he chalked it up to his exuberance . He hung up before she could ask too many questions . He wanted to wait until they were at home together to tell her everything . He talked to his secretary , assured her that she was a part of his new team and told her he was gone for the rest of the day . She was pleased and said she was looking forward to the new job . With that he left . He was home within 25 minutes and looked forward to taking Nicky out to dinner . If she hadn 't already picked the twins up from her mother 's , they were ready to go . She could change into that neat red dress that he loved and they could go someplace nice . He ran into the house , thinking to take a shower if Nicky wasn 't back yet . The house was empty and Nicky was nowhere to be found , but when he looked in the garage and saw her car there he was confused . He went into the kitchen and saw an envelope setting against his cup . His name was written on the envelope in big letters . He took it and went to the kitchen table to read it . Dear Tom , I know about your affair with Phyllis . I know that this is what you have been doing when you told me you were working late . I know because Harris was brave enough to tell me the truth . He saw you at the Holiday Inn and he watched you take that Phyllis woman to a room . He was so broken up having to tell me this but I made him . I don 't know what I am going to do about our marriage . I know that you have hurt me terribly but I still love you with all my heart . That 's why I have decided to do with your best friend what you have already done to her . I am at this very minute at the Holiday Inn with Harris . By the time you read this , I will have made love with him at least once and perhaps more . I need to do this so that you will feel the pain I feel . If we both share the pain of betrayal , we can perhaps share the guilt of breaking our marriage vows . If we do , we can discuss moving forward together . I do not want you to look for revenge against Harris for anything he has done . He is acting as my friend and as your friend . If you harm him in any way , we are through . He read the letter through twice not understanding anything she said . What affair ? He had never gone to the Holiday Inn and he had never taken any woman to a room for any reason . Harris knew what he was doing and he knew who Phyllis was . He couldn 't have told her any of this nonsense . Unless . . . Suddenly it all fell into place . Harris had often said that he wished he could have found Nicky first . He thought the world of her and said she was one of the sexiest women he had ever known . He always commented on her looks and even said that she was sexy even 7 months pregnant with the twins . He had always lusted after her but knew that Tom would kill him if he so much as made a move on her . He and Tom shared background and he knew his past . He would never cross Tom , or at least that 's what he thought . Seems he was wrong . Seems as though Harris had grown tired of living ! According to Nicky 's letter , Tom had about 3 hours to wait unless he did something rash . He pulled out his cell phone and called Nicky . He let it ring until it went to voice mail . He called the desk at the Holiday Inn and asked for Harris Templeton 's room . He was informed no such person was registered . He then asked for Nicky Preston 's room . The clerk said she would connect him . Interesting that she booked the room , not Harris . He waited for ten rings and then hung up . Maybe his phone call surprised her and she was on her way home . That was probably the most likely so he settled back in his chair and waited for them to come home . After about an hour , he began to wonder what could be keeping her . She knew he was home and she knew he had read the letter . Would she wait for him to come to the Holiday Inn ? That made no sense to him . He was just about to get his car and drive to the motel when the doorbell rang . He went to answer . Two police officers stood at the door . They showed him their badges and asked , " Are you Mr . Tomas Preston ? Do you have a wife by the name of Nichole Preston ? " " Your wife has been in an automobile accident . She was a passenger in a car driven by Harris Templeton and they were struck broadside by a truck while exiting the Holiday Inn motel downtown . This happened about an hour ago and she is now at Memorial Hospital . If you would like , we can drive you down there or we can follow you if you choose to drive . " The shock was the final blow . He had been upset and he was in a state of agitation before this , but this was too much . He staggered back against the wall and felt his face flush with heat and his breathing became ragged . He felt hot , then cold , then nothing . He was numb . It was minutes before he again gained control ; time to remember that he was not alone and could reply to the officers . They had watched him and waited while he fought to regain some semblance of control . " Thank you . I would like to drive if you would wait for a minute while I get my coat and my cell phone . Do you know how she is ? " He grabbed whatever he could reach and went out to the garage to his car . They left and made the trip in record time with a police escort . He answered the expected questions during the trip . Did he know Nicky was with Harris at the motel ? Was this a surprise ? Had he known about this affair before tonight ? The usual questions to which he answered truthfully . He showed the officer the letter from Nicky and he read it quietly without comment . He handed it back and Tom put it in his jacket pocket . " Afraid not . My ' best friend ' lied through his teeth to get into my wife 's pants . She chose to believe him rather than just ask me for the truth . This is the result . " " Understood officer ; I 'll be careful . " He let it go at that . He would definitely be careful . He had survived south LA by being careful . He knew how to get revenge and not have to pay the price for it . Harris also knew that . The trip to the hospital seemed to take forever and when he got there , it was a hassle to find a place to park . The officer finally volunteered to park his car and leave the keys at the nurse 's station so he jumped out of the car and ran for the elevators . He knew she was in the emergency surgery ward on the fifth floor and punched the button and almost collapsed to the floor of the elevator during the trip . God , what if she had been killed or hurt seriously ? What was he to do and what about the twins ? Too much , too soon and none of it good . When he got to the nurse 's station she made him wait for a doctor before telling him what room Nicky was in . He yelled and raised a fuss but she was adamant . He pulled at his hair and paced until a young doctor touched him on the shoulder . " Let me talk to you before we go to her room . I have to discuss some things with you first so you will understand what you are going to see . " With that , he guided him to the lounge and gently forced him to sit . " Your wife has had major trauma to her head . We took a hard look with X - Rays and scans and it appears that there is severe swelling caused by blunt force trauma caused by contact with the side window . It appears that she slammed against the window and that caused all of the significant damage . There was surprisingly little additional damage done . We will have to wait till the swelling goes down to see if there is any permanent brain damage . " He paused for a moment , watching Tom to see if he was taking this information all right . " She is in a coma right now caused , as I said , by the swelling . We will have to wait until we know more . She is connected to a respirator and we are giving her infusions of antibiotics and anti inflammatories for the bruising . We will just have to wait . " This was all he had to say and motioned to Tom to follow him to her room . When he saw her lying there , pale , and with tubes in her nose and lines into her arms he almost cried . She looked dead : not alive and vital as she was in real life . This was not real : it couldn 't be . He just stared at her as he began to process what the doctor had told him and what had caused this abomination . As he looked at her , he felt the sadness leave to be replaced by anger . He felt cold and dead inside and felt nothing else except anger . Anger at both her and Harris for what they had done . Her guilt had caused this . Harris ' duplicity had begun it . But now , he would end it ! |
I thought I was getting something to hold on to , right until I had to let go . There were actual monsters under my bed when I was a kid . That 's always been the official story , as it were . They were really there . If I stopped believing , that meant I 'd lost something . It 's not even that I liked my childhood much , but I refused to let go of it . I couldn 't tell anyone , but I still believed in monsters coming out of the dark . I shut the door quickly and I hid under the covers when the lights were out . My girlfriend finally cured me of this childhood fear of monsters , and I couldn 't forgive her for it . She didn 't know she was doing it , of course , because some things are meant to be secrets , but she liked waking me up in the mornings by jumping on the bed , and eventually I got used to it . I 'd laugh instead of wake up in a panic , sure that they 'd finally got me . And I stopped jumping at sudden noises in movies , or even loud noises in general . I always used to startle so easy . It 's gone now . Another little trait I couldn 't hold on to . She 's changed me . There are no monsters anymore . The darkness holds no mysteries . Some nights I don 't even bother turning off the lights , because where 's the fear ? What 's the point ? I used to love being alone , because of that fear . That was where I was most alive . She 's gone now , though , and now instead of being afraid I just feel lonely . I 've tried to pretend there are still monsters , but instead of terrifying hell beasts they 're just like me : sad things in the dark that really just want to not be alone anymore . Won 't you ? She liked to walk the city alone at night , hidden in the shadows , finding things no one had ever found - - or at least that most people never did . Noticing things no one ever noticed . That was her . And when she saw something beautiful she would call me or text me . Nothing more than three words each time - - a location , and three words : Come and see . I 'd always try to . She 'd always show me things worth seeing - - sometimes more beautiful than anything , sometimes horrible things that no one was ever meant to see . We never kissed , but she 'd take my hand and say , " Do you see ? " And sometimes I 'd nod . Sometimes I wouldn 't know what to do . She stopped calling eventually . I never had the nerve to ask if she was okay , if she 'd moved on , if she 'd lost interest . I assumed the silence meant something , or , possibly , that it meant nothing at all . I changed phones . I lost her number . I forgot about her , or very nearly . Then , one night after I 'd been drinking and watching bad movies at home , I got another text message . It contained , as ever , a location and three words : Come and see . I mumbled an excuse and wandered off , grabbing my bike and riding through the empty streets until I reached the docks , where there was a girl standing at the edge of one of them . I joined her and said something like " Hey . " And she said , " Come and see , " and she pointed . The water held some sort of creature , something with a massive gaping maw , like some sort of creature from the deepest blackest parts of the sea . It was crying . It had come here to die . And she took my hand like she always used to and we just watched as it stopped struggling . It would wash onto the shore a week or so later . I was there when it did , all horrible and rotten and bloated . I wasn 't sure if I should feel sad , but I knew I had to tell someone else to come and see . There is some sort of monster living in my basement . It 's a horrible , slimy thing that looks like it 's never seen the light of day - - and maybe it hasn 't - - with a huge gaping maw and terrible grasping claws . I saw it when I was going down to put all my winter coats away for the season , dropped the box and slammed the door and sat there in the stairwell for what felt like hours , just breathing . I opened the door and shone my flashlight in . It was just sitting there , watching me with horrible eyes that were never meant to be seen by human eyes . I turned the light on and it started howling like it was in pain , so I turned it back off . " It 's okay , " I said , and immediately felt stupid for saying it . It 's just a monster . It doesn 't even speak English , even if I was concerned about its well - being . Still , eventually I went from being afraid of it to getting used to it and eventually valuing its company . It was like a pet , except I apparently didn 't need to feed it or take care of it . Sometimes it would just be gone when I 'd go down there . Mostly though , it would be there , and I 'd sit down nearby and turn off my flashlight and just talk to it . It never made a sound but I felt like it liked having me down there . I didn 't tell my girlfriend about it . She never went down there anyway and she would probably just be upset . I didn 't want to upset anything . I came home one day to the sound of screaming from the basement - - nothing human could make that noise . I ran down to see what was going on . Some kid in a hazmat suit was there , wielding a rake over the enormous carcass of the beast . He was splattered in something that was probably blood , but black and smoking . " Looks like you had something living in the basement . Your ladyfriend called me in and I took care of it . " " It 's . . . dead ? " " Yeah . We 'd been looking for this one for a long time ! He seemed to like it here for some reason . Good thing your lady needed something from down here , huh ? " " Yeah . Good thing . " He drove off in his little truck , hauling off the body . Only some little smoking Posted by For J ___ , who dealt with me when I was being a little odd . Someone has been living in my house . At first I thought my mind was just going - - my food was emptying faster than I thought it should have , some of the other things I had were going away . But I started keeping track and found that someone was definitely taking it , and set up cameras . She lives in the attic and comes down when I 'm out or when I 've gone to sleep at night . I asked my friends about it and they said I should call the cops or go up into the attic and do something about it , but that felt wrong . She was living just the same as I was , wasn 't she ? Instead I left her a note when I went out . " Hi . I 'm going to the store tomorrow . Do you want anything ? - RM . " I came home to a note saying " Thanks for asking , but I 'm happy with whatever . " We exchanged notes for a while . I never asked what she was doing in my attic , and she never offered to answer , so it worked out okay . We talked about lots of things . It gave me something to look forward to when I got home , since she 'd always answer , and she was nice . She felt trustworthy . I hinted that maybe we should actually meet in person one time , and she just ignored that comment , so I dropped the subject . I 'd seen her on camera enough times , but I figured there was probably a reason . There 's always a reason . The notes stopped one day . I checked everywhere and there wasn 't anything there . There was nothing on the cameras . No one had touched any of my food . I even went up to the attic and there was nobody there . She was gone , just like she 'd never existed . That was a terrible idea . I 'd been dreaming about her for weeks . I don 't even know why - - she was never anyone special to me . I didn 't really even know her . We 'd had coffee once or twice , sort of on accident , and for a while I couldn 't stop thinking about her . Then I moved on , because obsessions always end , and mostly forgot for months and months . Then the dreams started again and I couldn 't figure out why . They were never nice dreams . She was crying and there was nothing I could do , or I 'd say hello and she 'd start swearing at me , telling me to go away . Sometimes they were long , intricate dreams where everything was falling apart , slowly but faster than I 'd like . I didn 't expect to run into her the other day . I was outside with a cigarette and she came out to smoke , and she looked at me like she maybe recognized me but wasn 't actually sure . I wasn 't sure if it was real - - I 'm still not - - but I started talking to her anyway . It didn 't go like it did in the dreams . The sense of everything collapsing was still there , but nothing actually did . It was a completely normal , unremarkable conversation , and it made me terrified . So when I said " hey , we should go get coffee sometime , " and she actually gave me her number , I could think of nothing else to do but flee . Now I 've still got this scrap of paper with ten numbers written on it , and her name . It 's in handwriting that looks like mine . We walked along the desolate fields under the light of the moon . The town had never looked so dead as it did then , nor had the field been so quiet during the wind . She didn 't say anything for the entire walk , except to occasionally point out landmarks - - which farmer used to own which field . Eventually we made our way to a church and sat on its steps . After several minutes of silence , she said , " I don 't think I can take this . I always hated this place . Now it 's dead and it 's even worse . " " So you want to leave ? " " I guess . Can we go in the morning ? I want to say goodbye to my folks . " We walked back to her house and went to sleep . In the morning her parents woke us to let us know breakfast was ready . She talked to them for a while - - not about the locusts at all , but just about little things going on in her life , their plans for the summer , and so on . It wasn 't my conversation , so I spent most of breakfast reading . Eventually I heard , " We 've got to get back home today . I wish I could stay longer , but - - " " Oh , we understand . Come back soon , okay ? You 'll be missed . " I helped her pack her things and we drove home in silence . My girlfriend kept turning over in her sleep that night , so I went down to the living room to finish my book instead . Her mother was there , just staring out the window . She smiled at me automatically and I set my book on the coffee table and said " Hello . " " How is she doing ? " " She 's okay , I think . I 'm trying not to pry . " " That 's nice . " I felt something more was expected , so I said something like " How are you ? " " Well , we 've always had a fair bit tidied away for a rainy day , so I guess we 'll manage without the farm . " She sighed . " It 's so unexpected though . I think that 's the worst part of it . You can 't get used to it . I keep thinking we 've got work to do , but no , that 's all gone now . " We talked for a while about trivial things then , and she decided to go to bed . I tried to read but by then I was too tired , so I went back upstairs . As I lay down my girlfriend said , " Hey . " " Hi . Couldn 't sleep ? " " No . " " Did you decide if you wanted to go home ? " " No . " " Want to go for a walk ? " She didn 't answer for what felt like forever . Then , " Yeah , okay . " I was visiting my girlfriend 's hometown the other day and it was attacked by locusts . They were huge . The swarm was huge . I couldn 't see an end to it . They ate everything . It was just a little farming village with a population of maybe a few hundred . Everyone was out trying to help , trying to seal off their houses and their silos and trying to make sure that something survived , that this wouldn 't ruin their town forever . The noise of the insects was terrible , but the worst was the sound of the farmers . This was what human despair sounds like . I stayed in my girlfriend 's second story bedroom , trying to read . I couldn 't shut out the noise . She asked me to come help , and I said " What can I do ? " and she didn 't even respond . Just ran out the door and said " Then stay there . " She came back in some hours later , looking like she 'd just fought the world and the world won . She collapsed on the bed next to me and stared up at the ceiling . I don 't think she even looked at me . I walked over to the window . " Still no end in sight , " I said . " Yep . " " Want to go home when they 're gone ? " " What if my family needs me ? " We didn 't say anything until it was all gone - - faster than we 'd expected - - and she turned on her TV to the news . The attack got a mention in the little ticker bar at the bottom , but nothing else . She turned it off after a while . " They don 't even care . My home just got destroyed and they don 't even care . " " You know how the news gets . " " I honestly don 't know if I even care . " " Do you want to go home ? " " I need some time to think about it , I guess . " I shrugged and picked my book up again . Now the noise had died down I could finally get some peace and finish reading . From something Erika Broad wrote . Last night was the sort of night where I wandered so far and to so many places I didn 't really know where I was anymore . My friends took their cabs back to their respective homes before I could think to ask where we actually were . It was late and I 'd had a few drinks too many and the world was spinning so I just walked away from the bar until I found a bus stop with a bench , and sat down and closed my eyes and let the world spin . Eventually it was later and I must have fallen asleep because I was laying down on the bench and then there was someone saying something like " Hey , do you know where Broad Street is ? " " No idea , sorry . " " Come on , you can 't get rid of me that easy . " " I really don 't know . " I still didn 't know where I was . The bus stop said it was the 26 . It wouldn 't be running for hours . I almost knew where that one went , even . He kept hassling me , accusing me of lying to him , threatening me . Eventually I gave him bad directions - - or maybe they worked , who knows ? - - and fled before he could come back and punish me for lying . I should have been scared or a little bit worried , but instead I just felt less alone . This guy 's in the same boat I am , and somehow that makes it all right . I had a dream tonight . I dreamt she was still here , but part of me knew she was already gone . It was the sort of " gone " that became a physical distance . If she was out of town I had to drive to that town . If she was in the tower I had to climb the tower . And I 'd get there and then , as dreams do , things would move on and she 'd be gone again . I had no choice but to continue to chase after her , and she could be nothing besides remote , distant , unattainable , gone . I dreamt we were on a roller coaster in some hellish theme park , and I wanted her to be there , next to me , but there was this metal barrier between us , cold and uncomfortable . She smiled at me as if she knew that this was the way it would always have to be . The roller coaster went into a dark tunnel and I started awake . I dreamt I was driving on the freeway , and I kept trying to take her exit but there was traffic in the way or the exit would be closed , there would be nothing but a big orange " detour " sign . And I 'd just keep driving around , looking for a way . I got lost and the streets turned into a labyrinth . The dream shifted , as dreams do , and I was walking in the labyrinth of streets and impossibly tall buildings . It was familiar . It was home . But she was here somewhere and I didn 't know where . I was looking for her . I called her name - - a name I won 't repeat here , have sworn not to repeat again - - and the sound of my voice echoed in the twisting streets , and made it into some terrible howl . When I found her at last , she fled from me . What could I do but follow ? She fled right into the arms of a man I don 't remember , finishing a tape arrow , a spool of fishing line trailing behind him . " Help me , " she said . " Help me . " He was carrying a rifle and opened fire at me . The first shot missed , so I charged . The second shot hit my shoulder , but I kept coming . I was stronger than that , I realized then . I was stronger than anything . I ripped the rifle from his hands and jumped on him and punched him in the head over and over , effortlessly , like he was a doll , like he wasn ' tPosted by I 'm trying to make sense of things lately , but it 's hard to do when everything 's all neat and orderly . How do you make sense of something that already makes sense ? I think there 's just no place for me in a rational and structured universe . It 's not anyone else 's fault , really . I just can 't tell the difference between moments , since everything is so perfectly orderly and so utterly the same . It 's like reading binary . I can 't do it . It 's just a blur of symbols that convey no information to me , though I 'm sure there are others who make perfect sense of it . There 's no poetry to a rational universe and poetry 's the only way I can think . But the world keeps happening even if I can 't understand any of it or tell the difference between tomorrow and yesterday . It 's all too much , and none of it is beautiful or colorful or poetic . Or not in any way I could possibly understand . The city has been perfectly silent recently . At night the constant sound of cars driving by has just stopped - - that 's where it all really started . I used to go to sleep to the white noise from the city , but now there 's just the occasional rustling of the breeze . No cars , nothing . And it 's not just the night . Out walking during the day , the cars don 't make any sound at all . A busy street and there 's not even the occasional sound of engines and tires - - just the breeze , and that 's it . I 've been asking around . If they hadn 't noticed it already anyone I talk to says it has been quiet , now that I mention it . The sounds have just stopped . It 's as peaceful as anything out there now , and it feels weird . Like it 's four in the morning all the time , like the streets are completely empty even when they 're not - - so long as you 've got your eyes shut or you aren 't looking , you could convince yourself this is all there is . And maybe it is . Maybe it 's all there 's ever been . Maybe everyone I 'm talking to about it is just crazy - - it wouldn 't be the first time . I read somewhere that the thing with insects and lights has something to do with the moon . Something like they think that the bright lights in the sky are the moon and they fly towards it , then they just get there and buzz around it forever , because what the hell is an insect going to do once it 's got to the moon ? It 's dark and there 's a little bug on my monitor , who probably thinks he 's found some forgotten paradise but isn 't sure how to turn it on . Or maybe that 's just me reading too much into it ? I just want to know there 's someone else out there , even if it 's just a bug . I 've got this ticket to Chicago to see the girl I left there . Ostensibly we 're going to see a concert - - and that 's all we have planned . I just can 't help hoping something more will happen . Or not even hoping . I 'll catch myself thinking that it 's somehow possible , or even likely . It 's not , of course . There 's a reason she 's there and I 'm not . We 've both moved on . And here 's me with a ticket . I guess I 'll just get there and hang around until I 've overstayed my welcome , because what the hell is a moth going to do once it 's got to the moon ? She always dreamed of a life on the run . Not because it was exciting or glamorous , but because on the run was the only place she felt she could ever be free - - all she knew at home was restriction and judgment . One day she finally did . It was frequently exciting , though never glamorous . She took a bus across state lines and found work at a restaurant that wasn 't really worried about asking questions like how old she was . She stayed with other people on the run , the sorts of people her parents told her not to associate with , or would have if they 'd known it was a possibility . The idea of " home " never really came back to her until she ran into her picture on the internet . It was a school photo , one she hadn 't seen but instantly hated when she did . And there was something about that : the only picture they had of her that was recent enough to merit showing was this one . For all the time she spent at home there were no other pictures of her . No real record she 'd ever even been there . Maybe she could go back one day . For now , she snapped a few pictures of herself in the bathroom mirror and emailed them to her family , with the text : " I like these better . " As I slept last night , I transformed into some sort of grotesque - - still human , but warped and deformed and weird and terrifying . But nobody understands what I 'm saying when I ask them about it . " You look fine , " they say . Even my sister - - the one person I thought I could still trust . But I saw the looks they were giving me . I 've become a monster and no one wants to tell me about it . I 'm left to conclude that they want me around for some reason - - they don 't want me to run off and hide , to retreat into the dark where monsters like me belong . They 're willing to endure the terror that looking at me brings to keep me around . But to what end ? What could a creature like me have to offer ? I 've decided to leave before I can find out . I can sleep on the rooftops at night and find a place to hide by day . I can haunt the streets like a ghost , until I finally become one . My girlfriend left the window open last night and a spider got in . I 've always been afraid of spiders . She was out working all day ; I spent most of the day watching old episodes of The Prisoner and occasionally glancing at the spider , which had taken up residence just above the door . I was going to go out , but the spider had other plans for me . I could have gone through the window or something , I guess , but it never occurred to me . I was trapped - - at least until she got home . Which she did at about six . The spider didn 't move when she opened the door . I told her about it as she walked in and she got rid of it - - got him on a postcard from her parents and let him go out the window she 'd left open before . Then she said , " All settled , I guess . " The end of the world looks something like this : It 's not the disasters that spell out the end . That 's just a coincidence , or maybe it 's just someone having fun . Someone trying to distract me from the real problem . Actually , it 's the little things . I should have noticed it months ago , but I 'm only just figuring it out . Nothing has gone right , and I thought it was just bad luck . There was a girl I really , truly , should have loved , but instead I let her go , and convinced myself not to cry when I watched her get on the last train home . There were little coincidences - - not always disastrous or even bad , but never good . Always something that at least leaves me a little sad or a little wistful or a little nostalgic - - and that always leaves me with a little less hope . They 've all been signs that everything is coming to an end . I was too busy worrying about earthquakes and oil spills and volcanoes and storms to notice - - the end really is here . I can do anything I want , and it will end in disaster , because the whole world is going to end in disaster soon . I may as well make the best of it . There 's a spider bite on the back of my hand . It was there when I woke up a few days ago and it 's just slowly getting worse . For the most part I just keep it out of sight - - people tend to freak out when they see it . I 've heard some variation on " you should get that looked at " far too many times in the past couple days . I 'd wear gloves but it itches like hell . I know it won 't kill me , though . Not like that , anyway . But sometimes when I 'm having conversations there will just be this sound like a sudden downpour , and it 'll drown out everything else , and my hand starts throbbing and it 's all I can do to keep from screaming until it passes , after what feels like an eternity . And then they 'll ask something like " what 's wrong ? " and I 'll just smile and say " nothing " and we act as if nothing happened . But the fear is still there . One day I won 't be strong enough . My girlfriend asked me this morning why I 've been cleaning so much lately , and I almost told her - - but the rain came back and when it was gone she 'd forgotten the question . I just want to find the spider . Not even to kill it , but maybe to understand . My best friend in elementary school had a junkyard . All these old tractors and cars just sitting there , all rusty - edged and rotten . We played on them , imagining them to be fortresses , military vessels of all sorts . We imagined a lot in those days , and it was this weird shared vision , based on the stupidest things - - even on Asteroids , once , long ago . I never worried about the rusty edges , though my parents warned me time and time again to be careful . I went back this weekend . I don 't know where he 's gone - - we lost touch and to be honest I 'm not even sure I want to get back in touch . The junk is still there , though , just like I remembered it . Maybe a little older , but I guess that 's the way everything goes eventually . I climbed onto one of the bigger machines - - still don 't know what it was - - and stood at the wheel , looking out over my little empire of sagebrush and junk . The memories came back like little jagged shards of broken rusty metal . There was a time that I could stand here and feel something besides nostalgia , but it was forever ago . I 've lost that now . All I 've got left are words . There 's a spider crawling under the steering wheel . She 's made a little web there . A whole life . There was probably one there when we were kids , too . I wouldn 't have paid it any mind then , but this weekend I just knelt there and stared as she just sat there , completely motionless , waiting for insects that , for all I 'd ever know , would never come . Every time I 've been happy in the past several weeks I 've blacked out . I couldn 't remember a second of it until it was gone , and there 's nothing to show for it but the ache of the muscles in my face from smiling , the vague memory of laughter , the glint in the eyes of others . But I 'm not the sort of man who would live in ignorance in exchange for happiness . Once I figured it out , once I was sure of the cause , I decided to stop being happy . It was hard - - it took alienating my love , at least for now , avoiding the things that I enjoy doing . But what am I if I don 't have my memories ? Was I ever even conscious if I don 't remember what I did ? It has been - - will continue to be - - problematic . Isolation doesn 't work . I can amuse myself with my own thoughts , and the temptation to find something to pass the time is too great when I bore myself . So I pick fights , I encourage the worst in my love . It 's so depressingly easy to do with someone who trusts you . And that even worked for a while . The guilt , the anger , the depression - - who could smile like that ? But first I learned to ignore it , to laugh in spite of myself , and I 'd black out again - - and it was like all my work was wasted . It kept her faith in me alive , which made it even easier to manipulate , to make her make me angry . Then I came to enjoy it . The pain I caused , the pain she caused me - - I liked it . I wanted it to continue . And I didn 't know how to stop that , and more and more of my time I 'd find had utterly slipped my mind . I was conscious of less and less . When she left I thought maybe I 'd regain control , but that wasn 't true , either . In my forced isolation days would go by when I would remember nothing at all - - wallowing in my own misery , my fantasies getting away with me . Nothing to mark the passage of time but the growth of spiderwebs in my closet . And then one day I started dusting those , and I even lost track of that . This morning you woke up and you realized you 've changed , that the person that used to smile back at you in the mirror is different . The world 's been getting a little bit bigger every day , fractionally , bit by bit . Not enough to notice , never enough to notice . None of this is new , exactly . You 've had moments all through your life where you 're afraid of the person you 've become . What is new is this : you 're happy with this person you 've become . The smile in the mirror is sincere , for the first time in your life . There 's a beautiful world of dreams and lies out there , and finally , finally , you 're someone who knows how to navigate that world . |
Sabiha and Shiraaz stayed with me the whole night . The doctor monitored her fever and put her on a drip throughout the night . I was relieved that by morning her fever had gone down tremendously and we could take her home . I didn 't want to stay in the hospital and put her at a risk of catching an infection . Her doctor said she was okay to take home . When we got home I sent Sabiha and Shiraaz home , they needed to also check on their kids . Saibah was asleep , I tried calling Ahmed again but he didn 't answer , so I took a nap before Saibah woke up . I woke up to my phone ringing , it was Ahmed , he saw all the calls from myself and Shiraaz and decided to call . I told him what happened , he didn 't say where he was or if he was coming home , he just cut the call . I took a quick shower , got ready , fed Saibah , she looked much better . She was playing instead of the continous crying . Sabiha brought me breakfast , she knew that I probably didn 't want to leave Saibah . She sat with me for a little while , she didn 't ask what happened to Ahmed , she just gave me company and assured me that everything would be okay . Sabiha made Saibah sleep and then instructed me to sleep , she said she would wake me up if anything happens but I couldn 't leave my baby and sleep . Uncle Abdullah and his whole family came over including Sakina . Sabiha told them that I didn 't sleep whole night so they made sure I slept in the guest room and got a few hours of sleep . I couldn 't fight so many of them so I slept and woke up to a happy baby and a lovely lunch . Ahmed was still not here , I realised he was not coming . The rest of the afternoon went into entertaining visitors , lucky for the help I had . Ahmed finally came home , he had really left us and went to his parent 's . I didn 't want to create a scene although I didn 't want him near my baby . I had a house full of people and they didn 't need to know my business . After everyone left , I took Saibah upstairs and locked the door . I wasn 't going to award him any brownie points . He deserted his family and went miles away , his daughter got so sick she was hospitalised and he did not answer his phone . I was angry and I had every right to be , I kept my baby away from him and I had that right too . He had to prove to us that he cared and I wasn 't going to let him off that easy . He gave me a tough time when it wasn 't my fault and I was going to give him an even tougher time because it was his fault that I sat without him at the hospital . He didn 't trouble me , he knew I was angry at him and that Saibah was asleep . I woke up this morning , took a shower and got dressed , I got Saibah dressed . I decided that I was not going to mope around and be alone for eid . I was going to spend my time with my family whether Ahmed was coming or not . I went downstairs had breakfast , Ahmed fell asleep on the couch , I woke him up gave hPosted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply Posted on September 25 , 2015 by safiyyah786 Reply PART HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE I waited the whole day hoping that Ahmed would come home but he didn 't . Saibah was asleep so I took her upstairs and put her down in her cot . I still had some hope that Ahmed would come home so I sat up reading my book , I woke up with the book on my chest and to a crying Saibah . I fed her and then went to see if Ahmed was in one of the other rooms but he wasn 't . I tried calling him but only got his voicemail . I couldn 't go back to sleep , I am worried , I don 't know where he is or what I should do . I sat on my bed with my head in my hands and tears filling in my hands . I don 't know what 's going through Ahmed 's mind , the only reason I think he is acting this way is because of Asad . Few hours later I hear the door open , I look at the time , it 's 7am . Saibah was still asleep so I left her upstairs and ran down . It 's Ahmed , I run and hug him , he pushes me away and goes upstairs . I stand there like a statue , disheartened , I was happy to see him but he definitely was not . I followed him upstairs , he can 't ignore me for long , for how long is this going to be a problem . I get his breakfast ready and prepare lunch for him . He has meetings at the office today so I know he is going to be busy , I pack fruits and some yoghurt . He came down for breakfast and again without saying anything to me he left . He didn 't even look at me or Saibah . My poor baby is now in the middle of this fight which frankly I don 't even know why we fighting . I hate fighting , it 's always exhausting . I sat at home watching tv and taking care of Saibah the whole day . I hear a car pull up the driveway , I checked through the window and it was Ahmed . He was earlier then I thought he would be . He walked in , came to the lounge , kissed Saibah on her forehead and went to the study , He didn 't say a word to me . I sent Thandi to call him for dinner , he came down , sat at the table , ate his dinner and went back upstairs . I cleared up and then went upstairs , I put S " I went out with Sabiha , you were not home these few days and I can 't wait around for you to decide you want to talk to me . " " What about Asad and I ? He is my past and you are my present and future . Why is he even in our conversation ? This is between you and I . " I walked out of the room and went downstairs to get started on dinner . I made cheddermelt steak , with mushroom sauce and creamy spinach . It relaxed me to cook , gave me time to cool down and to think as well . I can 't believe that instead of asking me Ahmed would rather listen to lies . What was Asad even thinking , the last I remember he was getting married , so why is he making trouble for me . We didn 't say anything to each other at dinner . He ate and then went to watch tv in the lounge . My mother - in - law called and asked what we decided , if we would be coming for eid or not . He told her that we would be there for supper and the weekend . A few days go by and we haven 't said a word to each other . We now 2 days away from eid , we suppose to be leaving today to my parents but I don 't see that happening . Maybe I should go on my own and just make an excuse for Ahmed . I am so exhausted with all this fighting , it 's so silly if you think about it . I packed our bags and waited for some sort of indication from Ahmed on what we were doing . Ahmed left again this morning without breakfast so we didn 't talk again . I messaged him to find out if we were going to my parent 's or not . If we didn 't go my parent 's would worry so I needed to call them if we were not going . He told me to go on my own which really hurt . I didn 't expect him to not come with me , I didn 't think things were so bad . I contemplated whether to go without him or not . I called my mum to let her know that Ahmed had work to do and I didn 't want to leave without him so we will maybe leave tomorrow . I waited again like I did everyday for the past week and when he came home he went up to his study as usual and didn 't come out . I left our bags packed , I had no energy to unpack and definitely was not in the mood . Saibah got a bit feverish this afternoon so I took her to her paediatrician . I didn 't bother to tell Ahmed although he was home because I figured he didn 't care . When I got back I saw him putting our bags in the car . I was not travelling with my baby who has a fever . I ignored him and took Saibah upstairs , I gave her the medication her doctor prescribed and made her sleep . Ahmed came up to call me , he said we were leaving to my parent 's now . I told him about Saibah being sick and that I didn 't want to go anywhere for eid , I just want to stay home . He insisted that we go otherwise I would loose out on going to see my famPosted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply Ahmed and a few of their friends planned breakfast for Adnaan and Fehmida with all the friends and their families . The breakfast is taking place at our house , I 'm so glad that Humeira is here she will be great support for Fehmida . I ordered all the little treats like mini cakes biscuits and then made Ahmed braai the breakfast chops and some t - bone and Humeira made the eggs . The other ladies will be bring some goodies too . Everyone slowly started arriving , Humeira and I started making the food hot while we waited for Adnaan and Fehmida . When they got here we served breakfast . I could see Fehmida looked relieved that Humeira was here to give her support . We told everyone to bring their clothes for the walima to our house so they could change by us , Adnaan and Fehmida were also getting dressed by us , it made things easier . We still had time after breakfast so we left the men to have their reunion and we ladies sat in the living room . I think it was a nice way to introduce Fehmida into their friend group . I meet them once every few months because they all live in Ahmed 's hometown but I do keep in contact with them so I know what happens when they get together . By 11am everyone got dressed and we were ready to escort the bride and groom to their walima . The walima was amazing , we had alot of fun although my feet hurt with the heels , I couldn 't walk anymore and I was tired . Humeira and Ziyaad went to her uncle 's house after the walima , Ahmed and I went home . We enjoyed a lovely cup of tea and relaxed in the lounge . Ziyaad and Humeira got back just before maghrib , we had a light dinner after maghrib and then sat infront of the tv . They will be leaving back tomorrow , it is always a pleasure having them over . Ahmed enjoys having people stay over , it 's just a pity his family doesn 't ever come over . They losing out on such special moments with Saibah . It 's sad that Saibah will not see much of her paternal side . He phoopi 's spoiling her , her dada and dadi playing with her , she won 't be making memories with them , no holidays or fun experiences . When we got to bed I spoke to Ahmed about maybe making an effort from our side to spend more time with his family . Maybe we can start with eid , I don 't mind spending eid with them as long as they hostile and Ahmed 's temper disappears . My body felt sore and I was beyond exhausted after this wedding . When I got to bed , I put my head on the pillow and within seconds I was asleep . This morning while we were having breakfast the house phone rang , Ahmed got up to answer it . I didn 't know who it was all I heard him say was " It 's your choice . " I didn 't want to ask him who it was while Humeira and Ziyaad were here so I waited until they left . His mother called and threatened him that if we don 't come for eid to her she will cut ties with us . How can she force her decisions on others . We planned to spend the morning and afternoon with my family and we were going for supper and spend the weekend with his family . I hope he doesn 't change his mind after this incident . They always find a way to make him choose to stay away . I don 't tell him anything because he might get angry at me and I don 't want to create problem 's between us . I want to do something special for Ahmed , something to cheer him up so I decided for lunch I would make some finger foods and go out for a picnic , since it was a last minute thing we had the picnic in our back yard . It was great , Nomsa and Thandi watched on Saibah , they took her to Sabiha and Shiraaz for a little while . I set the blanket on the grass , put big cushions on one side and then layed out all the food . Ahmed went out for a while so I had enough time to prepare . When he came in he was really surprised and happy that I was doing something to cheer him up . After our romantic picnic we fetched Saibah and went to visit Ahmed 's cousin . His cousin has been telling us so long to come over for dinner but we never have time . Ahmed told him last week that we would see them tonight for dinner . We get there , they welcome us in and take us to the lounge , I would of turned around and walked out but because they my inlaws I had to be respectful . I could not believe my eyes , Asad was sitting in their lounge . It turns out that he is Aadila 's brother . Ahmed remembered him so it made it awkward , I was just praying that no fight or argument would take place . He didn 't say much , he played a little with Saibah . Ahmed looked quite comfortable and relaxed , I don 't think it bothered him as much as it did bother me . I kept wondering if he told his sister that he was interested in me . After dinner the men sat and watched the rugby while I helped Aadila clean up . She didn 't mention anything about Asad and I so I was relieved . Our ride back home was brutal , Ahmed didn 't say a word to me . It 's not my fault , I didn 't even know Aadila was Asad 's sister . Ahmed drove into the garage , he got out of the car and went upstairs . He didn 't even bother to help me with Saibah or to cart everything into the house . I left everything in the car and just took Saibah out of the car seat and went upstairs as well . When I got to the room , Ahmed wasn 't there . I put Saibah down and went to look for him . He took his clothes and went to sleep in the guest room . Why was he angry with me ? What was my fault ? I could not understand . I left him to sleep in the other room and went to bed . I thought he was being childish , I am married to him , I have nothing to do with Asad . I only greeted him so Irshaad and Aadila wouldn 't think I 'm rude . I never spoke to him afterwards not even once . Asad didn 't speak to me either . Ahmed seemed fine when we were there so what changed . I woke up after hearing Saibah wail for a few minutes , I picked her up and fed her . I sat on the bed so i just left her on the bed for the rest of the night instead of getting off the bed all the time . I hear Ahmed making noise in the room . I figured his hungry because that 's the only time he will get my attention when his angry with me . I ignored him for a little while until he banged the drawer . I woke up and scream at him for banging the things . He just walked out of the room , I did the usual bathroom rituals , picked up Saibah and then I went downstairs to make breakfast . Ahmed followed me down , he plopped himself on the couch . After breakfast he went back upstairs , took a shower , got ready and left the house . He hasn 't been home the whole day and it 's already 10pm . Posted on September 22 , 2015 by safiyyah786 2 I would really love to hear what you think . So please do leave a comment . Thank you . PART HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN Ziyaad and Humeira got here just as the sun was setting , it was absolutely stunning to be outside and see the beautiful sky with a tint of pink and orange . While they settled in I made tea for all of us , Humeira helped me with the biscuits and cut the cake as well . Ziyaad and Ahmed were discussing business , Ahmed told him about me taking over some hotels from him . Ziyaad had some good suggestions that I see working . Ahmed will have to think about it though because his family might object . Ahmed is thinking of buying his parent 's and his sister 's share so then we are the sole owners . He feels his family holds him back especially with decisions . He does most of the work so I think it 's only fair that they sell it to him otherwise they have to start pulling their weight . My father - in - law use to help Ahmed but just after we got married he just stopped paying interest . It has taken a toll on Ahmed , he was much more relaxed before , I noticed the difference from when I first met him and when I met him before we started dating . He was more work orientated but I must give him due , he always made time for us . He is a good husband and an even better father , I don 't want to see him lose himself in his work and miss out on the important time with his daughter . Humeira and I set the table for dinner , I dished out the food and called the men . At the table we discuss the situation with Yaseen , Ahmed fills us in about all the events that will happen from now until the divorce . Her father and uncles have promised us that she will sign the papers . I think they more afraid because Ahmed and Shuaib are handling the case and they know we have the power to win this case if it goes to court . Tonight is the mendhi function , we invited from the boys side and Humeira and Ziyaad are from the girls side . I sent Ahmed to get dressed and to dress Saibah while I cleaned up and put everything away . The mendhi Humeira and Ziyaad were attending was at 8pm so they had to be there earlier since they close family , we were just told that the girls side invited 50 people from the boys side for tea and desserts so we must be at the boys house at 8 : 30pm . We were included in the list of 50 people who were going to the mendhi function at the girls house . When we got to the Ahmed 's friend Adnaan 's house only a few of his friends and family were already there , the rest were still on their way . We waited for everyone and then went to the girls side . The functI was so glad to see Humeira , I didn 't know alot of Ahmed 's friends or their wives or any of Adnaan 's family besides his mother and sister . I know Humeira 's family very well , especially her cousins because of them coming over during holidays . The function was very well organised and the bride 's family took very good care of the groom 's family . We got home just after midnight and I was exhausted . Some of the friends were going back to the grooms house but I decided to go home because Saibah was very crabby . I hope she will be okay the next three days , we got a hectic weekend . Ahmed and I had a hectic few days so we just wanted to spend some time together . We got into bed and as usual started chatting , we didn 't talk business or about any other problems , It was a night all about us . I am glad we got to spend some quality time together , sometimes we so busy we don 't know what the other did the whole day . Ahmed wants us to go away for a weekend , maybe leave Saibah with my mum since she is comfortable with my mum . We haven 't spent time together since Saibah was born and we 've never had a free weekend to do anything so I love his suggestion and maybe we get to go soon . I sprung out of bed in a shock thinking I 'm late , I look at the time and it 's only 7am . Ahmed is still fast asleep and so is Saibah so I decided to go downstairs to prepare breakfast . I can 't decide what to make so I settled for pancakes . We were going out for lunch so I had some time on my hands and decided to take a nice long relaxing shower which I haven 't done in months . I got out of the shower and hear Ahmed calling me . Saibah was awake and he was too lazy to get out bed . He stopped when he realised that Ziyaad and Humeira were two rooms away from us . I quickly got out of the bathroom just in my robe and attended to Saibah before I got dressed . I left Ahmed to sleep and went downstairs with Saibah . I played with her until everyone was awake and ready for breakfast . Ziyaad was so excited , he has always enjoyed the pancakesPosted in Uncategorized | 2 Replies It 's been two weeks since we got back from my parents , Alhamdulillah my parents and Yaseen are doing well . Ahmed has arranged for the divorce to be finalised by end of this week . My baby , my dearest Saibah is now three months old and is such a happy baby . She is finally starting to enjoy bath times and splashes water all over mummy but I enjoy every moment of it . It 's such a special feeling being a parent . Ziyaad and Humeira are coming over for the weekend , Humeira 's cousin is getting married here in Lenz . We also invited to the wedding , the guy she is getting married to is one of Ahmed 's friends . Today Ahmed and I are visiting Uncle Abdullah and Aunty Rubina , they want to discuss something with us so we told them we would see them in the week . It 's been a long time since we 've seen them , maybe too long . Ahmed gets back from the office , we invited them for dinner at Europa , we thought we 'd make the most of the situation . I wasn 't going to take Saibah but they insisted that they want to see her . Ahmed took a shower and got dressed , I changed Saibah and we were all set to leave . We got into the car , as Ahmed pulls out of the driveway I put on the radio , it 's on radio lotus , they playing my favourite song . Ahmed starts singing along , i look at him with this huge smile on my face , " I didn 't know you were into indian music , " I say . He laughs and carries on singing . We get to the restaurant , I see Uncle Abdullah waving to us to indicate where they were seated . The whole family is here , I thought only Uncle Abdullah and Aunty Rubina were coming . Maybe it 's not as serious as it sounded to be . We go over to where they are seated , we exchange salaams and hugs and then sat down . The waiter came by and handed us the menu , Ahmed asks him to give us 10 minutes and then come back . We check their menu and then the waiter comes by , we place our order and then get to chatting . Rizwana and Farzeen all over Saibah , they couldn 't stop playing with her and Saibah was just amused at Imraan . Ahmed asks Uncle Abdullah what he wanted to discuss , we were a little worried that it was serious . We excitedly listen to what Uncle Abdullah and Aunty Rubina has to say . They want us to be around for the meeting with Sakina 's parents , the proposal and to be involved with every detail from engagement to wedding . I don 't know if we ready for this especially after everything that happened with Yaseen . Ahmed turns to look at me and holds my hand tightly under the table , He knows what I 'm thinking . After dinner , we left the restaurant and got back home . We didn 't say a word to each other on the way back home . When we got home I took Saibah out of her car seat and went upstairs . Ahmed followed me upstairs . He looked worried , I think he might be worried about how we going to manage everything going on in our lives and still help for Imraan 's wedding . We still don 't say anything to each other , I put Saibah to sleep and take out my pj 's and change , I get into bed and realise Ahmed had left the room . He knows I won 't be able to turn down Aunty Rubina and Uncle Abdullah because of all the things they have done for me . He knows we have alot going on in our lives especially him with business . Since I invested in the business he feels that he can 't let me down so he has been working extra hard . I need to find a solution maybe offer to help with some of the business things . I can maybe help with a " Yeah I 'm okay . " I don 't argue with him , I can see he is not in the right mood so I go back to bed . I toss and turn a bit until I decide to watch some tv to relax my mind , the repeat of The big bang theory is the only programme that seems to interest me at the moment . I woke up and see the tv still on , I look to my right Ahmed is not there . I get out of bed and go to the study . Ahmed is knocked out on the carpet . I take Saibah and go downstairs to get breakfast ready , I start on lunch preparations , I got so much to do still and have to be done before Ziyaad and Humeira get her . I 've been thinking about the dilemma Ahmed is in and decide that there 's a simple solution well two solutions we can either hire a wedding planner or I can handle all the wedding preps and Ahmed see to the business . I have to speak to him at breakfast and make a decision what we going to do . I know Ahmed doesn 't want me in the business because it takes up alot of time and Saibah is only 3 months old . I can 't leave her with Nomsa and Thandi for too long . Ahmed finally woke up , he came downstairs with a sore neck obviously from the way he slept . He said he came up with a solution and that maybe he stressed too much before thinking it through . I 've noticed lately that he stresses over small things very quickly . Maybe he needs to relax a little or see a doctor , I have no idea but we need to sort his health out . He still is as fit as he was when I first met him and has maintained his look , He 's a fair few inches taller than me , which I like . He 's slim , muscular , with an almost perfectly symmetrical face . I on the other hand have a little baby fat to get rid of but I know that will be gone in a few weeks hopefully . Ahmed tell me his decision and I 'm happy with it , he wants to hire a wedding planner but we will both be hands on with everything , he is going to allow me to help him with one hotel for now . One that 's not too busy so I can handle the problems from home he will have his secretary help me also with the things she usually does for hiPosted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply It 's so pleasant seeing all the support we getting from family and friends . This morning my cousin 's made breakfast and brought it over , we had a huge breakfast with all of them . No one mentioned anything about Raeesa . The sounds of laughter could probably be heard in the next street . Even Yaseen was laughing and forgot his troubles , it was nice seeing him laugh and enjoy the moment . Ahmed is flying back today , he will be here tomorrow afternoon , I 'm so glad that he is coming back . I need him here now more then ever , sometimes only your partner can comfort you . Shuaib and Ziyaad decided that we need to be positive and happy and we need to change the mood in the house so they had a day of fun planned for us . It was a nice gesture and surely got everyone cheered up . Zunaid came by in the evening , Uncle Omar contacted him , he gave him their lawyers numbers and said they would like to settle this out of court . My brother doesn 't want anything but only for her to sign the divorce papers . The sooner she does that the better for all of us and Yaseen can move on . I still can 't get over all that she has done , I can 't imagine that someone can do such disgusting things . Ahmed got here just a little after 4 , he walked in and greeted , he went to meet my parent 's first . He hugged my dad and then went to hug my mum and kissed her hand . He then came back to the lounge and greeted the rest of the family , he walked up to me , it was so nice to have him home and to hug him , he gave a peck on my forehead and then went straight to Saibah . He went to see my Dadi next door before he got too comfortable and relaxed at home . He came back and wanted to know everything that happened . Ziyaad filled him in on everything that happened with Yaseen and Raeesa . He called some people and said he will have it sorted out , I don 't know who he called or what is he even doing . All I know that he can get us out of this quicker then anyone . After our chat with everyone , Ahmed and I went upstairs , I wanted to spend sometime alone with him . I felt so special , we have had our ups and downs , more downs in our marriage but I have seen Ahmed change alot in the last few months . Ever since he stood up to his family , we have had nothing but good days . I feel so blessed to have him in my life and to be part of his life . Saibah finally fell asleep , I put her in her cot , hoping she didn 't wake for a few hours . I got into bed and laid my head on Ahmed 's chest , he wrapped his hands around me making me feel safe and happy , We just laid there talking . I hear Saibah making noises , I wake up only to find Ahmed playing with her in the bed . I don 't like to keep her too long on the bed because she will get use to sleeping on the bed . Faheema always told me not to let her sleep on the bed otherwise we will have a hard time . I pick up Saibah and go sit on the rocker , trying to make her sleep . I told Ahmed to sleep because he would have to drive us home . He tried for 15 minutes , he tossed and turned but he couldn 't fall asleep . He got up ad came to sit on the floor near the rocker , he sat there just looking at Saibah and I . She finally fell asleep , it usually takes her longer to fall asleep if she wakes up and you entertain her . We get back in bed and Ahmed is all of a sudden in a chatty mood , I want to get some sleep but he refuses to let me sleep . He grabs me by my waist and pulls me closer to him , he whispers in my ear , " I love you . " I stare into his eyes for a few minutes and then say , " I love you too . " He looked at me weirdly and then said " You had to think about it ? " We lay there holding each other and fall asleep , I wake up a few hours later for fajr and find myself stuck between Ahmed 's arms . I tried getting out without waking him but he was holding on so tight that I had to wake him up . I went to make wudhu , when I came out of the bathroom Ahmed was out of bed already setting musallahs on the floor . He made wudhu and then we read namaaz together . After we read Ahmed wanted to get back into bed but I chased him into the shower . We need to get back home , we haven 't been home for three weeks now . I 'm impatiently sitting in the lounge waiting for everyone to come down so we can have breakfast , I don 't want to eat and then miss out on a nice family breakfast . Ahmed comes down with Faeez and Moinudeen , I can hear them making so much noise . I want to shout at them but secretly want them to make more noise so everyone wakes up . Finally everyone starts coming down one by one , Humeira and I start on breakfast while everyone else lazed around in the lounge . Ahmed came to help us and also nibble on the goodies , his favourite part of being in the kitchen . We set the tables outside in the back yard , enjoying the morning breeze and fresh air . My dad is very emotional this morning , he said he feels so blessed having sucPosted in Uncategorized | Leave a reply All the pipe work and the replacement of the carpets have been sorted out at the villa so Ziyaad is on his way back . It couldn 't of been a better time for him to come back then now . Faheema and Shuaib will be here after jummah , they coming so we can see what we going to do about Yaseen and Raeesa . Yaseen gave us the whole load down of what happened at his flat when Raeesa 's father went there . . Her father spoke to her and asked her what she wanted , why was she ruining her life . She has a better life then she was leading before , she doesn 't have to work , she has a loving husband and inlaws that want to help her . He reminded of how tough her past was and her future looks so bright yet she is spoiling it for herself . We know that she had a relationship in her past and because of that her father has been strict on her . We didn 't know that she was so rebellious , we didn 't know that she wanted to get out and was using Yaseen as an excuse . She came clean last night and told her father and Yaseen everything . She wanted us to hate her so she could blame it on us and get some money out of Yaseen . What she didn 't realise is that Yaseen has nothing besides his car to his name . She thought we a rich family and she would score . She didn 't realise that the house was bought over by Ziyaad and that the shop is my dad 's , we don 't have a claim over the shop . My parent 's never gave us things easy , they didn 't want us to think the shop was our easy way out . They wanted us to get an education and fend for ourselves . Yaseen is just at the beginning of his career so it 's obvious he won 't have much at first , as years go on he will become successful . Zinat came over to see how we were doing , obviously in a small town news travels fast . My mum has not been too well so we called our family doctor to check on her , both my parent 's refusing to eat is not helping the situation . I can understand they worried and stressed out but not eating is only harming themselves . I had our driver pick up Ziyaad from the airport and Faheema and her family were already here . Humeira and I were busy in the kitchen preparing lunch when the phone rang , it was Raeesa 's mother . She was trying to get answers from Raeesa and didn 't get any so she tried Yaseen but he put his phone off since last night so she decided to call the house . She asked to speak to my mun but I didn 't think it was such a good idea so I told her my mum was gone out . I don 't want my parent 's to suffer anymore then they are . Ziyaad came home and wanted to know all the details of what had happened , Yaseen told him everything . Yaseen apologised to all of us again , he is feeling bad that we have to be put through all this and he feels it 's his fault because he didn 't realise what we did . As we sitting there my cousin Zaheer comes in with his friend , Zaheer was telling his friend about Yaseen and Raeesa and his friend Mubeen asked what was Raeesa 's surname . So Zaheer told him and he freaked out , he immediately told Zaheer to bring him to see Yaseen , he had something important to tell him . Zaheer didn 't ask questions and just brought Mubeen to see Yaseen . This was scary , I don 't know why but I felt afraid , like I was going to hear something bad . I don 't think we can take anymore bad news . We don 't know Mubeen , he moved to town recently , it 's the first time we meeting him . My heart starts pounding , I couldn 't wait to hear what he was going to tell us but I was afraid to hear it as well . He said he knew Raeesa from college , he never knew what she was doing there because she was never interested in studying . All she wanted was to have a good time and mess around with boys . She was addicted to Our family feels betrayed not only by Raeesa but by her family as well . Obviously they know what was happening and they know who and what she is so why did they do this to us . I called my cousin Zunaid who is a lawyer , he can give us some guidance , we don 't want her in our lives deceiving us . We also don 't want this to happen to anyone else , we won 't let another family be ruined . Zunaid suggested that we don 't have any contact with her family until he draws up the legal papers and then it will all be over . It will take time but we on the winning side because we got people who have been tricked by this family before who also want to get closure . We just want all of this to be over so we can move on , Zunaid is obviously going to do his homework before we do anything drastic because we can 't blindly believe what Mubeen told us . This has been one long day , I 'm glad it 's over but tomorrow is another day and it 's going to be just like today . Everyone is in such a gloomy mood , we all stressed and it 's not fun . I keep looking for ideas to cheer everyone up but it 's not easy . Saturday is going to be tough because my uncle is having a get together at his house and everyone will be there . They family , they understand but it will be awkward . People still tend to ask questions , even if they know you going through a difficult time and sometimes it just hurts more when a stranger questions . It is more tough on Yaseen because he is the one going through all the heartache and betrayal . He has been trying to keep busy either with the kids or going to the shop . He still has a week of leave but he said he wants to go back on Monday . |
Today I woke up to the beautiful weather of Italy shining in through the bedroom window of our temporary hotel . With my family and all our suitcases , we headed down the thirty - four steps to the breakfast room . We ate delicious croissants and drank Belgian hot chocolate . After breakfast we left for the airport to collect our hired car , which we used to drive to Tropea . Our hotel in Tropea was amazing ! It had a gym , a swimming pool and the most stunning of views . Plus it was almost entirely made out of shiny white marble . When we had finished looking at the hotel Mum and Dad realised that they had forgotten to return our room key ( from the other hotel ) to the owner . Though all was soon well for they phoned him up and he said that we could return it when we go back to the airport . We asked some nearby staff where the hotel 's private beach ( ' beach number one ' ) was then headed off . Chiedza and I had a swim but mum and dad just lazed about on the deck chairs . When we were feeling hungry we went into town and ate at a restaurant with mouth - watering food . When we returned , my sister and I had another swim , but in the swimming pool this time , for it was still relatively light . After that , we went to bed . An exciting activity awaited us tomorrow ! Today we got properly settled in , then went to ' beach number two ' which was beautiful because of the clear water and how I could see many multi - coloured fish with my new snorkel . We played some beach games then moved on to ' beach number three ' . We were not pleased with this one ; there was a lot of litter . Because of that disappointing flaw Chiedza and I voted to go back to the second one . Obviously mum and dad preferred the first one with deck chairs so , because we couldn 't decide , we just had lunch instead … When I woke up I was surprisingly starving but found out it was because I had ' slept in ' . Nobody else was in our room so I walked downstairs in my pyjamas to the table where my family were having breakfast . I stuffed myself with croissants , bacon , egg and pain au chocolat - not caring about the strange mix . Having taken ages to finish the luxurious breakfast we finally all headed down to beach ' number four ' . On the way we got a bit lost . Though we followed the correct co - ordinates we ended up up high in a sight seeing mountain . Making the most of our high up viewing point we looked at the beautiful view of the ocean before following it along to find our beach . Inevitably Mum and Dad searched for two deck chairs and Chiedza and I went into the warm clear sea . It was especially good for me for I had a snorkel and so could see the wildlife . That wasn 't such a good thing for I spotted a slimy octopus and shouted out - a bit too loud for I only meant it for my sister - that everyone should get out ! So I ruined everyone 's fun in the ocean , as they ran away screaming … Once we had finished in the water we went back up to the mountain where there was a snack bar . We all had a double ice - cream each and my flavour was Nocciola . That morning we went to ' beach number four ' again but were a bit disappointed for there were a lot of jellyfish . Local children started to notice as well and start catching them which was a bit mean but made me less scared to go in the water . They called the jellyfish ' Medusa ' and so whenever they saw one they 'd shout that word . After about an hour in the water my sister got bored so I went in with my mum . Unfortunately we were both soon out for I got stung by a jellyfish and mum 's finger got skewered by an urchin . For approximately an hour we hung around that beach just relaxing . Chiedza and I walked over to where the locals were catching jellyfish and counted that they had caught around a hundred ! Later on a man who owned a pedalo asked us whether we wanted to use it and so ( since we had nothing better to do ) we agreed . Some of the ride was fun because we could stick our hands in the water and all sorts of strange and pretty sea - creatures would come up to the surface . Because the water was so clear you could also see things like underwater mini - mountains and weird animals . Because it was so delicious , we went to the same restaurant as the night before and I ate something called a chicken - on - a - brick . It was literally a block of really well cooked and flavoured chicken . Mum had some sort of fish risotto and Dad had a mixed fish dish with pasta that was mouth - wateringly , finger - lickingly , lip - smackingly and tantalisingly heavenly . Therefore , I asked him for half of his for an exchange of half of my chicken on - a brick . Fortunately he agreed and it was a great swap for he thought mine was mouth - wateringly , finger - lickingly , lip - smackingly and tantalisingly heavenly too . Chiedza just had a pizza with no tomato sauce , just cheese . It wasn 't that good … Today we were going to go to the amphitheatre in Sicily by ferry for a day . It was a very long journey to the port were we would board our ferry and on the way we went through twenty - six tunnels . In Sicily we drove to the car park near the theatre then walked the rest of the way through the tourist buzzing streets . There were so many beautiful souvenirs but my choice of souvenir was ice - cream ! The amphitheatre 's walls looked very broken because of its age . Inside we sat down and listened to someone tell us the history of Sicily , which would have been more interesting if it wasn 't in Italian ! On the way to our favourite beach our tyre got punctured from a hole in the road . Luckily , Mum and Dad managed to fix it . If they hadn 't ( for it was a rented car ) we would have had to pay for a pick up truck and to have it repaired . Chiedza and I had another enjoyable swim in the ocean where there were now no jellyfish . When we had finished we all went out for ice - cream in town where there were around fifty different flavours . Dad became obsessed with the word ' Tartufo ' ( which was a type of ice - cream ) and wouldn 't stop saying it for the rest of the day … Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Mr Misheard March 24 , 2016March 25 , 2016 ~ josh20000wordwrite ~ Leave a comment This is dedicated to John , who asked for a story about a train driver . It is also dedicated to Simon and Thecla who asked for a story of school kids under a tree ( which I sort of did ) . It is also dedicated to Chris Hodge who asked for a story of my best holiday ever ( the Africa one ) . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Chloe the clay dance teacher ( kids ' version ) March 22 , 2016 ~ josh20000wordwrite ~ 1 Comment This story is dedicated to 2 - year - old Willow , who loves dancing and playdough . Her mum Vicky asked for a bedtime story for her . This version is less grown - up than the last one , but probably still a bit too grown - up for Willow . Maybe she can enjoy it in a few years ' time ? Once upon a time there was a little girl named Willow who loved to dance . She went to a dance club called Madam Tutu 's Dance Academy For Girls . In a week 's time , there would be a competition ( where lots of people dance and if you dance well enough you would get a prize ) . She really liked it at her club but she wasn 't as good at dancing as the other girls , and she didn 't have anyone to help her practise at home ! On Tuesday , after her breakfast , Willow ran upstairs to her room and started playing with her favourite toy - play dough . She had made lots of things before : flowers , ice - cream , lollipops and even little girls like herself . And that , she decided , was what she was going to do today . She started with the hair , then the dress , and then the dancing shoes . When she was finished and was happy with it she gave her play dough girl a name - Chloe . She played with Chloe so it looked like she was dancing . Willow was having a great time , but she had to stop playing to go to her dance lessons … After her lesson , Madam Tutu told the girls who had been chosen to go to the dancing competition to win the prize . Willow and Jess ( her best friend ) were hoping to go , and wished that the prize would be strawberry ice - cream ( their favourite ) . Lots of people were chosen , including Jess , but Willow was sadly left out . She wouldn 't be going to get strawberry ice - cream after all . When Willow got home , she ran upstairs and decided to give up . She heard a little voice saying , " Never give up ! " It was Chloe ! Her play dough model had come to life ! With Chloe 's help , Willow became a great dancer . The next time Willow went to her dance club everyone was really surprised and said that she was very good . Madam Tutu said she could come and watch the other girls dance at the competition ! A couple of days later , Willow and the other girls went to London for the dance competition . While Jess was practising , she hurt herself so badly that she couldn 't dance in the competition . Willow was sad about her friend , but she had to dance in her place . Just before she went on stage , Willow took Chloe out of her bag and told her that she was feeling scared . Chloe told her not to worry ; " Don 't give up ! You 're one of the best dancers here and you 're sure to win . I believe in you . " Willow felt better . She went out and danced really well - so well that she won the competition ! She got a medal , but there wasn 't any strawberry ice - cream . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleLike this : Like Loading . . . Chloe the clay dance teacher March 22 , 2016March 22 , 2016 ~ josh20000wordwrite ~ Leave a comment This story is dedicated to 2 - year - old Willow , who loves dancing and playdough . Her mum Vicky asked for a bedtime story for her . This version is probably a bit too grown - up for Willow , so there will be a 2 - year - old - friendly version coming soon … There was once a little girl called Willow , whose dream was to be a professional dancer when she was older , and a very famous one at that . Her dance academy , Madam Tutu 's Dance School For Girls , was extremely well known and had a lot of famous history . The young dancer was lucky to be in this historical place , even if she was only a substitute . Each main dancer that was part of the team had a substitute . If a member of the team drops out in the last minute or gets injured , they would step in . Willow was the back up for a girl her age ( 9 ) who was absolutely incredible ! She was called Jess . Just like all the other main dancers ' families , Jess ' family were all professionals and great teachers . Jess was taught how to dance before she could speak . Willow had never had a teacher until she got lucky and managed to get in to Madam Tutu 's dance classes , which you would think should be enough . Though , if she wanted to get into the team and do what she loves in front of thousands of people , then she 'd need a home trainer . This might seem easy to you : you just call them up and ask if they can come round and teach for an hour every day … But nobody seemed to want to teach her . What would you do if nobody could help you achieve your dreams ? Would you give up or would you keep on trying … ? Once upon a Tuesday , Willow was in her room playing with her clay before dance lessons . In a week 's time there would be a National Dance Competition in London where dance academies would come and compete from all around England . Willow was determined to get into the team but still didn 't have a home teacher . Out of clay she had built one , and was shaping it so it did dance movements . She named it Chloe , the clay dance teacher . Having made it completely smooth , she was now satisfied and so picked up her dance bag . It was just as well , because she heard her mum calling from downstairs that they had to go now . " Coming ! " she called back , and sprinted to the front door , skipping two steps at a time . It was a half an hour 's drive to the Dance Academy and about half way there , Willow 's mum said , " I 'm sorry that we haven 't found a dance teacher for you yet . Nobody seems to be free … " Willow just sighed and thought about her slim chances of getting into the team . She would never become as good as the other dancers unless she had a home teacher . Though she was training hard at home on her own , she didn 't have someone to show her new moves or tell her to carry on when she was tired . An hour later , at the end of the dance lesson , all of the girls were sitting down in front of Madam Tutu . Willow was sitting next to her best and only friend , Jess . She was anxiously waiting to find out who was in the team . Could it be her ? Madam Tutu called out the members of the Nationals team , starting with the soloist ; " Jess Carson ! " Jess had a massive grin on her face and so did Willow , for she was very happy for her best friend . Willow waited anxiously , hoping with all her heart that her name would be called out . " Talulah Pepperwater , Penelope Pearce … " When it came to the end of the list , Willow was devastated , though she wasn 't that surprised . After all , she was just a substitute . On the way back home , she thought it a bit unfair , for all the other dancers had had home teachers pretty much all their life , but Willow had just had to practise alone . After arriving back home , she ran up to her room and buried her face in her pillow . When she finally got up she saw Chloe where she had left her , standing on her bedside table . " You 're not going to help ! " cried Willow . I give up . She stuck her face back in her pillow , but was quickly up again , for she heard a small squeaky voice . She listened again , to see if her mind wasn 't playing tricks . " Don 't give up ! " she heard again . She looked around her bedroom , searching for where the mysterious voice was coming from . Looking at Chloe , though she thought it was crazy , she asked her , " are you speaking to me ? " Chloe nodded , and jumped down onto her bed . Willow was so surprised that she quickly dived under her duvet . Chloe told her not to be afraid and to come out and start dancing . It looked like Willow had a teacher after all . Gradually getting used to her moving and talking clay model , Willow started following Chloe 's instructions . The first one was to do the standard stretches , which Willow followed . The second was to repeat whatever she had been learning with Madam Tutu . Surprisingly , Willow completed this with ease . She was already improving , after only an hour of dancing with her newfound teacher . Usually she would forget the routine and have to ask the person next to her what to do , but in this lesson it was as if it was planted in her mind . Chloe next asked for Willow to do as many pirrouettes as she could , but on the last one she clumsily knocked over her bedside lamp . It made a loud crash , and her mum came running up to ask if she was OK . Suddenly , Chloe froze again and was back to a normal clay model . Willow trained with her new teacher every day until the competition . Over the days she got amazingly good . If she had been this good when the team was chosen she would have been the first one on the list . Chloe was very pleased at Willow 's progress and , surprisingly , so were all the girls at the Academy . Because she was now so good , Madam Tutu invited her to come with the team to London for the competition , as Jess ' understudy . Gladly , Willow accepted . The next day , in London , the team were rehearsing on the competition stage when Jess ' pirouette went wrong . Her legs got tangled and she fell , thwacking her knee to the ground with a spine - shivering bump . Willow rushed to help her friend but the First Aiders asked her to stay back . Still she tried to follow , but eventually realised it was for the best - they needed space to help Jess . Jess was rushed to hospital in an ambulance before Willow could apologise for having jinxed her by wishing her luck in the traditional way ; " Break a leg ! " . As Madam Tutu calmly walked over , Willow bit her lip anxiously . Inevitably , being Jess ' substitute , Willow was told that she would have to take her place . " Really ? Me ? But I 'm not good enough ! " A few hours later , Willow 's team were in the final . Backstage , they all cheered but were soon hushed , for all the audience could hear them . Their rivals , the Manchester Academy , went first . Their soloist 's routine was flawless . Watching closely through the curtains , Willow worried about how she was possibly going to beat her . Reaching into her dance bag , she brought out Chloe . Checking there was no - one behind her , she said , " I don 't think I can do this . I 'm just going to let everyone down . " In response , Chloe said , " Don 't give up ! You 're one of the best dancers here and you 're sure to win . The worst you can do is come second , and that 's still amazing . I believe in you . " Hearing her name announced , Willow quickly stuffed Chloe back in her bag , whispering " Thanks Chloe ! " and bravely stepped on stage . She took her position and went over everything she had learnt to put into the best and most important performance of her life . Her body seemed to know exactly what it was doing , as she glided elegantly to the music . The next thing she knew , she was being applauded by everyone in the audience . Even her teammates , who a couple of days ago thought she was awful , were cheering and whooping ! Now joined by the other soloist , the judges announced the winner . " The winner of the National Dance Competition 2016 is … " There was a drum roll , and Willow was hoping with all her fast beating heart that she would hear her name . " From Madam Tutu 's Dance School For Girls : Willow Pascale ! " It had been seventy years since Goldilocks cursed the bears . Mother Bear and Father bear lived half human lives and died peacefully . Baby Bear ( who became not such a baby ) went on to have children , then grandchildren , but sadly died before he could see is great grandchildren . He passed down to all his descendants the story of his parents and how they must get revenge on the evil witch : Goldilocks . Goldilocks , having put a ' spell of youth ' on herself stayed alive for a very long time . Over the years , she hunted down anyone who was related to the three bears , and destroyed them all . This is the story of one generation ( Baby Bear 's great grandchildren : Hansel and Gretel ) and how they believed in the great story of their ancestor 's feud with Goldilocks that their father had told them . They get kicked out of their home and into the woods where they find something very mysterious … Once upon a time a very poor woodcutter lived in a tiny cottage in the forest with his two children , Hansel and Gretel . They were descendants of the great and rich Mother Bear and Father Bear , but were not very great and rich themselves . His second wife ( Hansel and Gretels 's despised stepmother ) often treated them very badly . For example : shouting , forcing to work and ill - feeding . She was also forever nagging the woodcutter . " There is not enough food in the house for us all . There are too many mouths to feed ! We must get rid of the two brats , " she declared . She kept on trying to persuade her husband to abandon his children in the forest , but he would not let that happen for he loved them . One night while Hansel and Gretel ' were in bed ' , their evil stepmother and thoughtful father had a conversation about them , " You should take them miles from home , so far that they can never find their way back ! Maybe someone will find them and help them . Maybe … " Declared the stepmother with an evil glint her eye . The poor woodcutter didn 't know what to do . Hansel who , that evening , had overheard his parents conversation , comforted Gretel who was crying for their stepmother was so evil that she could probably persuade their father to do it . " Don 't worry ! If they do leave us in the forest , we 'll find the way home , " he said . Slipping out of the house he filled his pockets with little white pebbles , then went back to bed hoping with all his heart that his father was strong enough to stand up to his disgusting wife . All night long , the unfortunate woodcutter and his wife argued on and on until , in the morning , he led Hansel and Gretel away deep into the thick forest . But as they went into the depths of the trees , Hansel dropped a little white pebble here and there on the mossy green ground . At a certain point , the two children reached a small glade . Soon they found they really were alone for the woodcutter had plucked up enough courage to desert them , mumble an excuse and went back to his horrible life . The night fell , the moon like a single - layer wedding cake in the sky but the woodcutter did not return . Gretel began to cry , tears streaming down her cheeks . Hansel felt scared too but he tried to hide his feelings and comfort his sister . Hansel told Gretel not to worry , even though he was very anxious that his stones wouldn 't show up . Luckily for them the moon was full that night and Hansel waited until its cold light seeped through the trees . Soon , his white stones - that he had collected beforehand - gleamed in the darkness : very bright but dull next to the moon . Hansel encouraged Gretel to get up and start walking . The children found their way home then crept through a half open window , without awakening their parents . Cold and exhausted but thankful to be home again , they quietly slipped into bed . The next day , when their stepmother discovered that Hansel and Gretel had returned , she went into a rage . Inside , their father was bursting with happiness but had to hold in his joy . Holding in her feelings , but for another reason than her husband , she locked her bedroom door , then shouted at the poor man for failing to carry out her orders . The weak woodcutter protested , but was full of fear when it came to disobeying his cruel wife . The wicked stepmother kept Hansel and Gretel under lock and key all day with nothing for supper but a sip of water and some hard , stale bread . All night , husband and wife quarreled , and when it was morning , the woodcutter led the children out into the forest having lost the argument . However Hansel had not eaten his bread , and as he walked through the trees , he left a trail of crumbs behind him to mark the way - just as he did before . But the small boy had forgotten about the hungry birds that lived in the forest . When they saw him , they flew along behind him and in no time , had eaten all the crumbs . Again , with a lame excuse , the woodcutter left his two children by themselves this time with no hope of finding their way back … " I 'm frightened ! " wept Gretel bitterly . " I 'm freezing and hungry and I want to go home ! " Hansel tried to encourage his sister , but he too shivered when he glimpsed frightening shadows and menacing eyes around them in the darkness . Though they were just figments of his imagination , they felt very , very real . All night the two children huddled together for warmth at the foot of a large tree . Hansel told Gretel the story of their ancestors and the curse that an evil witch put on them to make them human . " It was foretold , " he said , " that two young children , descendants of the great Three Bears - " " Just like us … Would defeat the witch and turn all their relatives back into bears . Though I doubt it would be us . " The curse only lasted for another week but they would hate for the next generation of their family to be cursed as well . They sat in awe that the two children foretold could be them ; dreaming the rest of the night . When it was light enough they started to wander about the forest seeking a path - but all hope soon faded . They were well and truly lost . They had been to these woods many a time but had never been further than twenty to thirty metres away from the house . On they walked and walked , until suddenly they came upon a strange cottage in the centre of a glade . They were a bit confused for the cottage looked very weird so ran up a bit closer to get a better look . " This is caramel ! " gasped Hansel as he broke a large chunk of plaster from the wall . " And this is sweet white icing ! " exclaimed Gretel , putting another piece of delicious wall in her mouth . Starving but delighted , the children began to eat pieces of candy broken off the cottage . They explored the whole of the outside finding treats : from cake to chocolate , liquorice to ice cream : heaven for small kids who had not eaten all day . The two children had never tasted so much of something so delicious - let alone a house full ! They were both incredibly happy that they had found something to eat and wanted to stay there forever . They were just about to try a piece of the biscuit door when it suddenly swung open . It only just narrowly missed Hansel 's face for it took him by surprise . A crafty looking old woman walked out of her sweet cottage . Her long , golden hair was a contrast to her ancient looking face . At first , Hansel and Gretel were terrified , and frankly a bit embarrassed , but when they saw a stick protruding out of her pocket : they thought she was just a friendly knitting granny . They thought wrong , very wrong … The old , mysterious lady lead them into her house and shut the door firmly behind them . " Are you related to the three bears by any chance ? " The two children nodded , not paying much attention to the strange and accurate question for they were still stuffing themselves with sweets . The old lady smiled and suddenly shoved Hansel into a peculiarly large sized cage . Grabbing Gretel firmly by the arm she spat , " You 're nothing but skin and bones ! I shall fatten you up and eat you ! As for you little girl you can do the housework , then I 'll eat you both after renewing the curse that I placed on your ancestors ! " she looked at the kid 's facial expressions of realisation of who she was , " And yes ! I am Goldilocks ! " Hansel ( for Gretel was being forced to clean because she was under a spell ) asked her why she was doing this . She answered , " One , because I must curse someone else related to the three bears so that the curse doesn 't break . Two , because I 'm hungry ! " After about an hour of really hard work Gretel felt that she could now move to her own will . She took a bit of melting ice - cream from the window ledge and smeared it over Goldilocks 's spectacles that lay next to her sleeping body . Gretel did this because she knew Goldilocks 's eyesight was bad , so if she could make it even a little bit worse she could move around undetected . Hansel just stayed extremely quiet so as not to wake her up for when he moved his cage it would rattle . It was now dark outside and Goldilocks had finally woken up . She put on her spectacles , not suspectacling a thing , and called , " What did you nasty little children do to my glasses ? " Hansel answered , " Nothing ? " She let this pass and now spoke to Gretel , " Are you still working ! ? " Gretel answered with a ' yes ' though she obviously wasn 't . " Let me feel your finger ! " said the witch to Hansel every day to check if he was getting any fatter . Now , Gretel had brought her brother a chicken bone , and when the witch went to touch his finger , Hansel held out the bone instead . The two kids had now been at the house for seven days during which the daily routine would be : Goldilocks wakes up , Gretel pretends to still be working under her spell , and Hansel sits , cramped in his cage . ' Now why can 't Gretel just open the door and let Hansel out while Goldilocks is asleep ? ' I hear you ask . Well , that is because only the witch has the key and it 's invisible to non - magic users . One day Hansel got checked to see whether he was fat enough . " You 're still much too thin ! " she complained . When will you become plump ? " One day Goldilocks grew tired of waiting . " Light the oven ! " she told Gretel . " We 're going to have a tasty roasted boy today ! Then we 'll re - enact the curse ! " A little later , hungry and impatient , she went on , " Run and see if the oven is hot enough . " Gretel returned , whimpering , " I can 't tell if it is hot enough or not . " But really it was as hot as the sun sunbathing in Death Valley . Angrily , the witch screamed at the little girl , " Useless child ! I 'll see for myself . " But when Goldilocks bent down to peer inside the oven to check the heat , Gretel gave her a tremendous push and slammed the oven door shut . The witch had been killed . " Ding dong the witch is dead ! " sang Hansel and Gretel . If only their name 's were Dorothy and Toto … Gretel ran to set her brother free ( now able to because the witch was dead and so the previously invisible key appeared on the chocolate counter nearby ) . They made quite sure that the oven door was tightly shut behind the witch . Also , just to be on the safe side , they fastened it firmly with a large padlock then hid the key where they Goldilocks would never find it . They were feeling extremely hungry so they stuffed themselves with all sorts of delicious things like : door , window , carpet , bed and even sink . Soon after , they discovered , amongst the witch 's belongings , a huge chocolate egg . Inside lay a mountain of shiny , valuable gold coins . " This would be great for dad ! We could also kick our evil stepmother out ! " exclaimed Hansel . They headed back home , knowing the way because of the sound of trees being cut . But what they completely missed was : their impeccable hearing and furry ears . From about fifty metres away from their house , they saw the outline of a much larger shape than their dad cutting wood . As they came closer they realised that it was actually a bear ! Their dad was a bear and so were they ! The curse had been broken . They all immediately kicked their wicked stepmother out ( never to return ) roaring scarily in her face . The three bears lived happily ever after in luxury . It was the day after the break in and Goldilocks was preparing for the inevitable attack . She thought back to when she got chased out of the three bears ' house , " I mean , " she said to herself , " it just doesn 't make sense ! They didn 't have to chase me out like angry bears ! A girl 's got to do what a girl 's got to do to get cool on a hot summer day . But the last escape was unbelievable … ! " She was lost in wonder of how she had done it . She had never ever pulled off a stunt like that - not even the greatest magicians had . It was considered the hardest spell in all of Magic - and she had done it . She went off the subject of her teleportation and started thinking about what she would do to protect herself from the bears … " Well , I couldn 't beat them with my brain and tools so … magic . " She had her plan . She would beat them with magic . She lived alone , for her parents had died , and was very poor with only a small cottage left to her in her dad 's will . Though she wasn 't going to let that stop her from protecting herself and her remaining possessions . The bears also wouldn 't be ready for full scale war in just a couple of days so she had lots of time to start practising … Meanwhile , the bears were thinking up all of humans ' weaknesses . They managed to come up with : funny bone , ear lobes and hair . Pretty useless . Though they had been living with humans for thirty years now , they still didn 't really get them , though with some help they could do . They went to their best friend Johnny who sold salmon and honey around the corner ( no wonder he 's their best friend ) . He was a very wise human so told them the answer in a riddle : ' their weakness is their strength ' . Mother bear asked for more information but none came , for wise people are always mysterious . They knew they couldn 't come up with any other ideas so decided to just think about it and try their best to find the meaning . They weren 't going very well , but Goldilocks was being very successful . She had bought every magic book from the area and added it to the ones she already had in her house . ' How did she afford to buy all of those books ? ' I hear you ask . Remember , a magician never reveals their secrets . She started training extremely hard with only a few breaks a day . Her goal was to perfect every spell in the books so she could return anything fired at her . She was doing unbelievably well , and was now so powerful that she could win the Internationals at ease . She had even mastered teleportation . Now she had learned so many different spells and had a lot to choose from , she had to decide which she would use to beat the bears . A brilliant idea popped into her mind . She would use a shape - shifting spell . They would be pretty useless if they weren 't big strong bears . The three bears were all sitting down on their sofa , still trying to figure out the answer m the wise man 's riddle . " Hmmm … ' their weakness is their strength ' " thought Mother Bear . " I have it ! " exclaimed Baby Bear , " their strength is their weakness . Her strength is her magic , so if we take away her wand then we could beat her ! " They started working on a plan of how they would take her wand away from her . " It will be very hard even to get close . She must be more powerful than she was last time , " Father Bear pointed out . After a few hours they had the solution . Mother Bear and Father Bear would sneak up to her cottage and pounce on her , using their weight and strength to overpower her before she could even pull out her wand . Baby Bear thought for a second , " But what about me ? You didn 't include me in that plan . " " It would be too dangerous for you dear , you would never come out alright . Plus , we wouldn 't want any more of your things to get broken , would we ? " replied Mother Bear . " I suppose so , " sighed Baby Bear . He really thought he could help , and was also very worried that something would happen to his parents . But they had a point . " OK , I 'll just go into the woods and chase my favourite raccoon . " Mother Bear and Father Bear took a last look at their house and set out for revenge . On the other side of town , Goldilocks was in her cottage in the woods making final preparations . She placed bear traps surrounding her small glade . She memorised her shape - shifting spell from her books and walked outside . There , on each side of the door were the two bears , unseen by the young witch , looking menacing as ever . She stood outside her door and looked out into the distance and searched for the bears in the woods . Suddenly , they quickly jumped at her from either side , but she was quicker . She dived out of the way , away from the house . She was surprised that they had evaded her traps so easily , but quickly pulled it together and drew out her wand . The bears tried again to pounce at her , but before they could make contact , Goldilocks pointed her wand and chanted , " Abracadabra , animals from the zoo lands , turn these bears into humans ! " She had cursed them ! Now all their descendants will be human ( including Baby Bear ) There was a loud crack like lightning , that could be heard from miles away . It was even heard by Baby Bear , who chasing his favourite raccoon in the nearby woods . Curious , Baby Bear ran over to where the sound was coming from . He didn 't realise that he was near Goldilocks ' cottage until he saw a blinding light coming from it . Goldilocks walked back into her small cottage , satisfied with a job well done . They wouldn 't be bothering her now , because they would now stand even less of a chance than they would have when they were bears . Baby Bear sprinted over to where two humans lay and helped them up . After a few seconds , he realised they were his parents , for he recognised the red tie that his dad wore and the cooking apron that his mum was so passionate about . A few moments later there was another blinding light and Baby Bear was human as well . All three of them were bursting to get revenge , but knew they would be completely useless now they were weak humans . Sadly , they walked back to their skyscraper home and had a swim in the pool to vent their anger . A few days later , Baby Bear , excited , asked whether his parents would go back and try to beat Goldilocks again . They said to him that they had given up now , and wouldn 't stand any chance . He asked them several times more , but they had made their minds up . But Baby Bear still wasn 't satisfied . He was determined to get revenge . |
Monday 3rd February It 's watching me . I know it is . That 's why I 'm writing this down . It 'll help me keep a grip on things and maybe I 'll be laughing at myself after a while . I can feel it all the time , but especially around dusk . Outside that window , like a monster waiting for the right time to attack . I know I sound mad but I 'm not . I 'm in Drumnashee four days now . On Saturday when we got here I thought it was a beautiful house . The space in it compared to what I had in Dublin ! Three bedrooms , a front room , a living room , big kitchen , bathroom andtwo small spare rooms as well . Liam has already turned one of the spare rooms into a studio and he 's putting equipment and videos into the other one . Compared with two rooms and a shower and toilet , this is pure luxury . A garden out the back as well . " You can plant flowers and vegetables , " said Liam , smirking . Sure I wouldn 't have a clue . Wish I did . Anyway , my hands are full with the boys . I can just picture David smashing something with a spade . Liam aggravates me something terrible . I don 't know what mood he 's going to be in from one minute to the next . He gives this speech on Saturday when I 'm trying to unpack . He starts on about having to watch the money and conserve his resources now that he 's after spending so much on the business . He wants me to do this weekly budget to manage my money . He sat down to explain it there and then . Sure Christ , I was up to my eyes . We hadn 't eaten for hours , I couldn 't find the bag of food I brought , I was exhausted from all the packing and the thought of the unpacking . Then I was trying to watch the boys too . David was running all over the place . I think he 's hyper . Brian was bawling because he had diarrhoea and I had to change him every fifteen minutes . " Can 't we talk about it later ? I 'm up to my eyes . " " There 's no such time as later , " he said . " We 'll do it now . " So my fool sits down and listens , or rather tries to listen to this stuff he 's going on with . He 's talking about itemized expenditure and income and keeping receipts and he 's making it all sound so fucking complicated . " You want me to write down everything I buy as well every pound I get , " I said in the end , exasperated beyond belief . " Including the Children 's Allowance of course , " he said . " You should be able to run the house out of your Lone Parent 's . I 'll pay the rent . " I don 't know why I don 't say more to him . He 'd hit me alright , but I must have no guts at all . I used to say a few things , but it 's like I 'm getting more afraid of him as time goes on . He gets so pale when he 's telling me to do stuff . Oh and then he started giving me instructions about how to unpack the boxes , which one to tackle first . I was thanking my lucky stars he came down six weeks ahead of me so I didn 't have to cope with his unpacking too . My nerves were really racing . Still are . That 's why I 'm sitting here when I should be doing a million things . Speaking of nerves , I 'm going to try cutting down on the valium . Being in the country should help me . Doesn 't look too good at the moment though . We 'll see . " But this is my money . " My voice was weak when I said it . I wanted to remind him about what he said on Tuesday , but nothing would come out " You seem to have forgotten we 're living together as of last Saturday . That means any money coming into the house is ours . Ours ! And I 'm a better manager . So I 'll handle it . " His voice had gone low and hard . It gets like that when he 's going to be vicious , so I kept quiet . The boys were in the back too . I felt like crying , but as the day went on I thought maybe it 'd work out . He might be right . I 'm always blowing my money and ending up robbing things . I want to stop all that and be respectable . And anyway , I pleaded with him to let us come to Drumnashee , so I can 't say much . I thought getting out of the city would help us all . He never liked working in Taxes . Now that he 's doing something he likes maybe he 'll be better . He does seem to love taking pictures . Those cameras are like parts of his body . He rang up Arthur to talk about the videos and stuff , and found out he had been killed in a car accident on Tuesday . Well , he really went down over it . I never saw him like that before . He was still in terrible form when he came home after work . I don 't care really . Well , Arthur and myself weren 't exactly close . He was a sleasebag to be blunt about it . His wife never knew half the stuff he got up to . Liam respected him though . I think he was the only person he 'd stop and listen to and he never belittled him or gave him the cold treatment . He was the main supplier too , and he did the copying . I don 't know what Liam will do without him . So anyway , Liam came in about nine and he told me to sit down and talk to him . I couldn 't very well refuse . It wasn 't talking he wanted me to do at all but listening . Per usual . My wifely duty or whatever you 'd call it when you 're not married . He went on about how it had been so hard growing up the way he did , his father being that strict and his mother sick all the time . I don 't know what that had to do with anything . How he was a poor green country boy when he came to Dublin first . All about the first time he met Arthur . Jesus , his voice grates on me . I hadn 't much sympathy but I sat there anyway . I wish I didn 't feel like this . It 's only the past while I 'm getting this aggravated by him . I 'm thinking , why does he have the right to wear the ears off me and boss me around and use me for what he wants ? How did he get to be in that position and me in this one ? I 'm dwelling on everything he does , little things and big things . They say you have to forgive and forget to make a relationship work . Could you call what we have a ' relationship ' , I wonder ? Here I am - started the diary because I wanted to write about the hill and I haven 't got round to it yet . I used to keep a diary before , when I was at home , and I realize now how good it is to write . It seems to make things a bit better , especially when there 's no - one you can talk to . I was always good at writing in school too . Anyway , the hill . Nothing strange happened since Sunday . Maybe I was imagining things . But it was so real . I know I hallucinated before , but it was nothing like this . I mean , I was in a panic then and everything felt unreal to me . I think I just convinced myself I saw things to . . . I don 't know . . . let off steam , get attention or something . I hope that 's why . The hill must be two hundred feet high . It doesn 't look like there are any paths up it , just grass and stray bushes , and a big clump of trees at the top . In the daytime I feel a pull to walk up it , but at night I wish I was a thousand miles away . I shouldn 't be interrupted tonight because Liam is gone to Dublin for the funeral , so I 'll put down what happened on Sunday evening . I was washing up after the dinner , Liam was gone out to talk to the fella he bought the Photographer 's from , Michael O ' Connell . Or so he said anyway . I was kind of happy . At least I was out of that hole of a flat . I was thinking how nice it was to be in the country again . And to have a bit of space for the boys . I was thinking maybe Liam 'd be happier here and we wouldn 't have as many problems . Maybe I 'd get myself together and be a decent housewife or something . I was singing away to myself while I was washing the dishes . There I was , with my two hands in the water . David was beside me standing up on his little chair scooping up the suds and letting them fall back slowly into the sink . Brian was sitting at the door with his soft ball . David loves that one . He gave a great big grin and looked up at me , as if he saw the words coming out of my mouth as well as hearing them . As I was singing , I lost interest in the dishes and I was imagining myself on stage - per usual . I was looking out the window in a half - dream , staring at the hill without thinking much about it . Dusk was just beginning to fall . Suddenly it seemed that the night had come down already and it was pitch dark . Through the darkness I could see the hill again , lit up by a blue glow . First it looked like it was melting and going to spread out all over the fields , but instead it slowly pulled itself up into a different shape , a bit like a person squatting down . Eyes appeared on it , tons of them , all over its body . Big , huge evil eyes with ten layers to each one , and each layer coloured different . Then I saw it more clearly , and it was a hulking giant of a creature that seemed like it was breathing through the eyes , because the colours were moving in and out to a rhythm . The monster had a big , flat - topped head and its arms were like an ape 's , except they had claws that looked set to grab something . It opened its mouth and all I could see was a huge cave and vicious looking brown teeth . The skin of the body looked to be covered in hard scales , and it had turned pale green . It moved a bit . I didn 't notice myself dropping the glass till David let out a roar . I looked down then . However Brian moved so fast I don 't know . He had picked up a bit of broken glass and straight into his mouth with it . I grabbed him and took it out , but his mouth was full of blood and he was screaming like no - body 's business . I was afraid of my life he was after swallowing a piece I hadn 't seen , so I turned him upside down and slapped his back . Then I washed his mouth out with water , which wasn 't easy and I wasn 't sure I did it properly . I didn 't know any doctor , only after arriving in the town . Anyway , my medical card doctor is in Dublin . I was shaking with worry . Brian was hysterical . It took ages to calm down . I put him over my shoulder and looked out the window again . It was still dusk and there was the hill as innocent as you please , no sign of the vision . Brian calmed down and he stopped bleeding , so I thought he must be alright but I wasn 't in the better of it . Jesus if anything happened one of them again I 'd be in right trouble . I don 't want to lose them . That 'd finish me altogether , if I couldn 't mind them . I didn 't tell Liam . He 'd only think I was going crazy and look down on me more than he already does . Maybe I am crazy . I thought I heard sounds of music just now . I looked out the windows and couldn 't see anything . I 'm scared on my own . I wish Liam was here , bad and all as he is . I don 't know what to make of your man at all . There I was last night , about half ten , trying to unpack the last few things and get them in order , and this loud knock came on the door , more like a rap . I was between two minds whether to open it or not . My heart was choking me it was beating that fast . Well , I said to myself , I might as well know as not know . I was shaking when I opened the door and I had the kitchen knife in my hand , hiding it behind my back . There was no - one there . There 's no bulb for the outside lamp yet so I couldn 't see much . I went out to look around the porch and as good as bumped into this big man . I nearly fainted . I screamed and started backing away towards the door , holding the knife in front of me . " Hold on , " says this sweet Donegal accent . " Steady up . I didn 't mean to frighten you . Would you be Mrs O ' Malley ? " I hadn 't a clue what he was on about . He looked a bit amused by the knife , not frightened at all . But then my hand was shaking like someone with Parkinson 's . " Are you a neighbour ? " " Well , in a manner of speaking . I live in the farmhouse a few fields over . I 'm your landlord , although the word isn 't one of my favourites . Of course , I didn 't deal with yourself . It was your husband I talked to . " " Ach , that 's alright . It doesn 't matter which of you I see . I just wanted to check that you were settling in . Maybe I 'll come back tomorrow , if that 'd be more convenient . " He looked at the knife again and made to go . " Sorry about that , lass . I was just going round to knock at the back door . That 's what we usually do around here . " He smiled then and looked straight at me . He seemed okay . I moved back and opened the door for him . He 's quite good - looking , fair hair just turning grey , soft grey - blue eyes and a strong chin and cheekbones . He looks like he 's seen a bit of life . His skin is leathery , a bit weather beaten , but he 's not in any way rough looking . Good muscular body but he 's no hulk . " There 's something I 'm not too happy about alright . " " I would , if it 's no trouble . I 'm sure you 're up to your eyes . It 's a divil moving house . " " No . He had to go to a funeral in Dublin . He 'll be gone for the night . " I was sorry after I said that . Suppose he wasn 't genuine ? There 's no other house for a few hundred yards . " Oh yeah . Well , there are two windows that won 't close . I mean , I close them , but they open again . They 're always open in the morning . Just slightly , but you 'd be afraid of robbers , like . " Your man smiled . " There 's no robbers in Drumnashee , lass . " He sounded like he was making fun of me or something , as if he knew I was one . " Well , " and he said this in a real suave sort of a way , " the last time there was a robbery here was five years ago and that was a young lad who robbed his father of a farm of land . " He got more sincere then . " You 're safe enough here , lass . " " You 're right there . " He nodded his head . I could tell he was trying to suss me out . He was having a good look at my body too and he thought I didn 't know . " Is that right ? Tell you what , I 'll come back in the daylight and see what I can do with them . " He was finished the cup of tea by then . He was forward and a bit sarcastic but there was something nice about him at the same time . He seemed to be intelligent too , but sure what difference does that make ? Look at Liam . Anyway , then he started asking me where I was from and when I said County Limerick , he said , " Oh I used to travel around there years ago when I was a young lad . That was long before your time , girl . " He stopped and then , " Not that I 'm old , mind . " He has a habit of giving a kind of wink when he 's trying to be funny . It could look silly but the way he does it it 's nice . " Thanks for the tea . It 's all I drink now . Gave up the Guinness last night . " He grinned , thought he was funny I suppose . He strolled over to the window and jerked his head sideways like he was indicating the hill . My heart jumped . After it was out I realized it mightn 't be the best sort of thing to say , him being from up near the North . But he laughed at it . " Everything I ever laid a hand on died . " " That surprises me " , he said in a flirtatious way . If he only knew the half of it . " It 's called Drumnashee , same as the town . The Ridge of the Fairies . People just call it ' the hill ' . The fairies live around about it and they like to have free rein . Don 't ever interfere with their trees and their bushes . " He sounded sarcastic when he said ' their ' as if he didn 't think they had a right to ' their ' trees and bushes . He seemed to believe what he was saying . I think he 's a bit loopers , but look who 's talking . " Anyway , " he said after a minute , " I 'll give you a shout about those windows . " As he was strolling out the door he turned and said , " Will you tell himself I 'll collect the rent on the last Saturday of every month if that 's suitable ? And be sure and let me know if there 's anything wanted . " Monday 10th February " Come on , get up , " I said , " We have to go down to the school . Your daddy made an appointment with the principal and we 'll be killed if we don 't keep it . Come on . " " David , I 'm not going to stand here like a half - eejit . This is your last chance . I 'm warning you . Get up now . " I didn 't want to shout or Liam would come in and kill him . It was as if he didn 't even hear me . He kept looking at the ceiling like it was his favourite tv programme . He gave a huge smile and started to mouth words at the air . I stood there with my heart pounding for a few seconds . Then I made a kind of lunge at the bed , but when I was about a foot away from it something stopped me . It was like an invisible wall and I couldn 't get through it . It was probably only for a second or two and then I fell on top of him , grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him . He got out of the bed , grumbling and moaning , and I had an almighty job getting his clothes on because he didn 't help one bit . Even at the school he was fierce sullen , sat lolling back in the chair with his hands in his pockets . No way would he sit up straight for me . A boy that loves school , that 's usually well - behaved - I don 't understand it . I don 't know what the principal thought of us at all , with Brian grabbing at everything and swinging every which way out of my arms . God , it was a nightmare . My nerves are bad today . I 'm yelling at them all the time . My head is aching . I wish I had someone to talk to . I suppose Liam should be my friend but that 's not the way it turned out . I can 't talk to him at all . He 's always making out that I 'm stupid . I know I 'm not exactly a genius , but I 'm no dumbo either . He says I should be able to handle the kids myself , that 's my job , but half the time I haven 't a bull 's notion . Sometimes I 'm just terrified . I can 't tell him that though . Jesus , I 'd be afraid he 'd have me locked up and I 'd never survive that again . I 'm bawling my eyes out now at the thought of that hospital . The picture . She walked through the door and straight into the gaping breast of the Lord . For some reason , her mother had taken it down from its place above the range and hung it in the tiny hall , just as you came in . Two large electric candles were quietly adoring on either side , apparently Hannah 's attempt to bring her devotion into the nineties . The red of the sacred heart made Anne 's stomach attack itself . She had known this picture all her life ; why was it only now affecting her like this ? As a child she had loved it . Or so she had thought . You had to love it . It was a picture of God . On this Friday , 13th March , she looked at it for a few seconds and her body realized that she hated it . The message was received in the brain and translated into stomach - ache so that she could call it whatever she wished . Anne Brennan never used the word ' hate ' . It was too strong , too negative ; it cancelled too much . She never used the word ' rubbish ' , although anybody who had concluded what she had about the Catholic Church and its dogma could have used the word quite a lot . No . She had a softness - some would call it a weakness - either of intellect or emotion , that didn 't allow her to dismiss a possibility . Despite the fact that her reasoning wouldn 't hold the belief anymore , she still couldn 't find it in herself to discard the symbols . She could no more smash up a ' holy picture ' than a newly hatched chicken could fly . The long series of blessed keepsakes and prayers her mother kept sending her were stored in a box at the bottom of the wardrobe , like lesser skeletons . The day the priest had called to her flat in Harold 's Cross in the course of his ministrations , she had stepped back meekly to let him in . Siobhán had glared at his proffered hand , then at his semolina face , and stalked into the kitchen . When Anne had gone in to make the tea , her friend had been hair - deep in the Sunday Tribune . Anne had crept past her and put on the kettle , quietly getting out the cups and plates , not sure whether to offer her some . Siobhán haFAMILY SOLIDARITY MARCH AGAINST ABORTION . PRIESTS FOR REMOVING RIGHT TO INFORMATION . BISHOP ATTACKS ' AGGRESSIVE FEMINISTS ' IN PASTORAL . ALLEGED ABUSE BY CHRISTIAN BROTHER . After each headline , Siobhán had mouthed ' Fuckers ' comically , her eyes wild and her teeth pressing viciously on her lower lip with each ' F ' . Anne had kept miming ' Stop ' ' Stop ' , trying to control her giggles , but Siobhán had carried on . " Tell him to Fuck Off , " she had said , meaning every word of it . Anne had collected herself . She had never told anyone to fuck off in her life . It just wasn 't her style . " He 'll be gone in a few minutes , " she had whispered . That hadn 't been the case . With tea and the last piece of the apple tart she had brought , Siobhán had estimated it would be at least half an hour , but Anne had a way of measuring time that was all her own . As it turned out , Siobhán had left a quarter of an hour later , while the priest was only getting into his stride , talking about his native Kerry and telling a few weak , well - rehearsed jokes about Social Workers calling to old paranoid recluses near Cahirciveen . Anne had discovered that he had some valuable information on her latest case . That was the thing . You could never write anyone off . You never knew what was in their heads , or when they might be useful . Her slight tendency towards manipulation wasn 't a conscious one , only something she needed in order to stay safe . Safety was of paramount importance , although she would have denied that . She was only conscious of wanting everything to be alright , peaceful , nice . If there were rough edges , she tried to smooth them over . If there was conflict , her first instinct was to slink away into a corner . She liked Siobhán , because Siobhán said all the things her paralyzed id would have liked to say . Siobhán allowed her to be profane by proxy . Now , confronted by the spectacle of Christ 's bleeding heart and her mother 's blazingly fervent eyes , she pushed down the gut revulsion and replaced it with a glib thought : " My goodness , don 't old habits die hard . " She fussed over her mother , whom she loved a lot . She hugged her and looked closely at her face for signs of ageing , which she found and then regretted looking . " " I hope you keep the fire going well every day these times , Mammy . The weather is still quite cold . " " Sit down there and rest yourself after the journey . " Anne 's solicitude was par for the course and Hannah was well - prepared for it . Even so , it made her feel helpless and she was far from the scrap - heap yet , an affirmation which grew more and more important to her with the increased stiffness of her morning muscles . Anne realized that her mother had been looking forward to giving her meals , so she contented herself with laying the table . But sitting and resting was not something she was particularly good at , especially when she was so uptight . She unpacked and walked through the house assessing the renovations that needed to be done . She had to make sure that Joe would carry them out when he had his own house built . Thanks to her thoughtfulness and his work , the third bedroom had been converted into a bathroom , but it was still an unsatisfactory house for an old person . A gale - force draught came in under the front door , there was no door to separate the hall from the living area , and the bedrooms were freezing . She went to the window in Hannah 's room , leaned on the sill and tried to make out familiar objects through the gloom of the evening . " What are their names again , Mammy , the people in Malachy Gallagher 's house ? " She came back into the kitchen . Hannah looked up from the knitted tea - cosy she had carefully put in place . " She looks troubled . " When they had taken some bites out of the sausages and rashers , Hannah , obviously full to the brim with the subject , slowly said , " She had some trouble with the people on the hill . " Anne had been practising introductory lines in her mind . Mammy , I have good news for you . I 've met this man and I 'd like to marry him . Mammy , I 'm getting engaged on Wednesday . He 's coming down on Monday . He 's lovely , Mammy , really easy - going . Graham . No , we 'll be doing it differently . You see , he 's a Protestant - no that 's not the reason . Because I don 't believe in the church anymore . Yes , I do believe in God , but a God of nature . We 're getting married in a Registry Office and we 'll have a small reception afterwards . Nothing too fancy . Not in white , no . . . Her mother 's words parted the tangle . " What ? Who ? " " The little girl in Malachy 's house . Jacqui . She had trouble with the People above , but you 're not to repeat this for love or money . " Anne looked at her wide - eyed , a look Hannah took for belief . " Her windows blew in , the Lord save us . " She blessed herself . " Are you talking about the Fairies , Mammy ? " Her mother nodded reverently . Anne didn 't know how to take this . It struck her that there was no essential difference , God or the Fairies , bleeding hearts or breeding trees . It was all a desperate attempt to explain the inexplicable . But she wasn 't going to contradict before Hannah had even started to tell . That would have been bad practice . So she slipped into information - finding mode . " What exactly happened to her windows ? " " She said it was a freak wind . " Hannah gave one slow , suspicious nod . " ' Twas an almighty gale that swept in through one window and out the other . The two of them were smashed to smithereens . " Hannah fastened a look on her , that look Anne was so used to , that she had never got from anybody else . Hannah wanted the truth , but it had to be filtered through that special understanding of hers . She was a physical and psychical barometer . She always knew when something was wrong , but she knew it with her body and her subconscious , not with her reasoning powers . Anne 's experience made her smell a rat . " What 's her husband like ? " Hannah pushed back her hair and took a sup of tea . Thumbs down , Anne told herself . " Is he violent do you think ? " Hannah was still slow to answer . Finally she said , " I 've heard sounds coming from the house , God help us . " Pause . " And I 've seen movements too . " " Ah sure , people these days , they live different . " Anne waited . " But I think they leave the children alone in the house sometimes , the poor little things . " This was beginning to sound like work . " One night this week , " now she was loosening up , " half past twelve on Wednesday night - I remember because Mary - Pat and Gerry came down to see me that night - I was just going to bed and I chanced to look out the room window . The car wasn 't there . I didn 't take much notice of that ; I often see him arriving home late . But next thing , there was the little boy , the five - year - old , coming back over the fields and going in the back way . God help us , he looked around the front first to see if the car was there and then he went in . " She let that sink in . " If it wasn 't for him doing that , looking for the car like , I 'd have said he was sleep - walking . " " Was she in ? " " That 's what I was going to tell you . Very shortly after , the car came along the road and pulled up to the house . The two of them were in it . " " Did you say anything to her ? " Hannah put on the considering look again . Then , when a stranger might have expected a long , philosophical answer , she simply said , " No . " " Were you afraid they 'd think you spent your nights watching them ? " Anne immediately regretted saying it . Hannah was offended . " I don 't think other people 's lives are any of my business . " Anne took a deep breath . " Mammy , I know you mean well . But you know that case in Cork ? If someone , a neighbour , anyone , had just made a ' phone call or written a letter to a Social Worker in the early days , something could have been done . The family isn 't sacrosanct , Mammy . The family shouldn 't be a secret society . " The Sacred Heart picture loomed . " Look what happened to us . I wish someone had stepped in and helped us . " Hannah 's eyes sparked and her voice came out sharply . " Nothing bad happened yee . I minded yee well . " " Yes , Mammy , I know you minded us , but Daddy had serious problems . He was an alcoholic , he was severely paranoid and he was violent . He needed help . You needed help . We all needed help . " " You 're always saying things against your father . I won 't have it . You shouldn 't speak ill of the dead . " " You have to admit the truth , Mammy , " said Anne gently , a wave of unease hitting her on the word ' truth ' . Nothing she said was sounding right . She wasn 't in control . Hannah started to cry . " A child should be with its mother . A mother should never have her little child taken off her . There 's no greater sadness . No greater sadness . " Anne went to the other side of the table and put her hands on her mother 's shoulders . " I 'm sorry , Mammy . It 's alright . I love you . " " I did my best for yee . And didn 't you get an education ? He didn 't stop you studying and he didn 't stop you going to University . Joe had no interest in school , but he has a trade and he got the place . " " I know that , Mammy . I know . " If her mother were to change her world view , too much of her life would look like failure . That was what Anne told herself as she scurried away from the subject , lit a cigarette and opened the bottle of brandy she 'd brought . Since her father had died , Anne had often brought a bottle of wine and Hannah enjoyed a glass with the pleasure of a mischMaighread Medbh , 42 Boroimhe Alder , Swords , Co . Dublin . Phone : 353 ( 0 ) 87 2894744 Email : maighreadmedbh @ gmail . com |
It was a blistery cold night , so cold in contrast to the warm celebration of New Year 's . My old acquaintance , Mr . T , had called me to Shinjuku . Of course , that 's not his real name , but I can 't reveal his identity . Mr . T was a gaming director , and I 'd been working with him on the production of a new game for two years now . His strange ideas and thoughts when it came to making new games had baffled me to no end , but it turns out , they were inspired by someone else . Tonight , Mr . T wanted me to interview this man whose strange and unusual ideas he depended on . Just as with Mr . T , I can 't reveal the identity of this man or the place of our meeting , but I recorded the interview and here I 'm going to recreate it in writing . But , I have to tell you that I 've been very confused since the meeting , even though it lasted only a few hours . I started recording from the moment I got off the elevator to the moment I got on again to leave , and I didn 't stop the recorder even once . It was harder than I thought it would be , trying to document everything . I started having trouble distinguishing the time and events of things that happened in the meeting and in the story this man had to tell . When Mr . T first told me about the story this man was going to tell us , I was confused . This story is supposed to be from 14 , 000 years ago and it 's hard to really grasp something from so long ago . It made the story itself just as confusing as the time I spent with the man in the meeting . I arrived at the meeting place before Mr . T and the interviewee . To my surprise , I found a strange man sitting comfortably on a sofa in the meeting room . This was not the man I was supposed to meet and I didn 't have a clue as to who he was . He wore a long black winter coat over a shirt , and a pair of jeans , even though the room was too warm for such heavy clothing . I noticed that he had very long legs . I was a little wary , because he didn 't look to be a decent sort . I told myself again that this couldn 't be the man I was supposed to interview . He didn 't look like the man Mr . T had described to me at all . As if reading my thoughts , the stranger said , " I 've heard about the meeting . Why don 't you sit down ? " " Okay . " It felt awkward just standing there anyway . I sat down on a sofa across from him , on the other side of a small table . The situation was so strange ; I needed to know who he was , so I started to ask , " Excuse me , but who - . . . " No matter how long I looked at him , I still couldn 't recall ever seeing him . " . . . No , " I finally replied . " Really ? " He seemed disappointed . " You 've never heard of Mr . Force , from Greece ? " " No , I 've never heard your name before , sir , " I had to say . " That 's odd . I 'm supposed be famous . " He looked at me with such intensity that it was hard to keep eye contact . I noticed that one of his eyes was blue and the other was green . Such odd eyes , I thought . " I see . " Just like that , the intensity was gone , and he stared out at the night sky through the window . I watched him quietly and thought yet again : this is not the man I 'm supposed to interview . " I know it is , of course , " he added . " I just like to ask anyway . " He sounded like he was making fun of himself . It seemed almost childlike . " In this day and age it 's hard to keep up with the rest of the world , especially with all this technology . I have to keep exercising my mind . " To this day I don 't know what Mr . Force meant . But I was definitely starting to see how Mr . T got some of his strange ideas from him . I felt like Mr . Force thought of himself almost like a god , high above everything . Unlike me , Mr . T had a vast knowledge of ancient times and stories . It had always been a challenge to understand them . I thought talking to this stranger from Greece might actually help me understand more . I still felt intimidated by Mr . Force , even more so now that I 've realized he knew a great deal about what I wanted to know . At this instant , I recorded myself letting out a shrill shriek . I don 't even think I sounded human . I still remember the hideous scene vividly . I felt something wet and slimy on the floor . I looked down . My feet rested in a big puddle of blood . Instinctively , I jumped up and looked behind me . Mr . T lay crumpled beneath a heavy storage shelf that had apparently collapsed on him . " Don 't worry about that , " Mr . Force said . " That will be okay . Sit down . " I found myself sitting back down just like I was told . " Okay , let 's begin , " Mr . Force said suddenly . Despite the circumstances , he was going to proceed with his story . Oddly enough , I was ready to listen . Mr . T had already been pushed to the back of my mind somehow . I tried to decide whether or not to properly introduce myself to Mr . Force , but he 'd already started . It would be too awkward now . " To me it seems like only yesterday , " Mr . Force began . " This story means a lot to me , very sentimental . " A girl with long black hair stood alone on the edge of a desert , staring into the deep blue sky above it . Her big blue eyes spoke of determination and stubbornness . The vastness of her surroundings made her uneasy . I could get swallowed up by the desert or the sky , she thought . Maybe someday I will vanish into the unknown . Despite the feelings of nervousness it gave her , she loved spending hours looking into the vast sky above the desert . Her parents had told her never to set foot into that desert . She had never done so ; never really wanted to . Behind the desert lay a small city called Uruk . She was born there and loved the safety and comfort of her home . She had always felt lucky growing up there , especially when confronted with the vast , unknown desert . Suddenly she heard a strange noise . It was a shrill peeping sound unlike anything she 'd ever heard before . Then , she thought she heard a man 's voice . It was hard to make out what he was saying , but it sounded as if he was talking to somebody . She looked around and saw no one , and could only hear the one speaker . She looked around , trying to find out where the voice came from . Even as far as she could see into the desert and its great sky , she saw no one . She couldn 't even feel his presence anymore . Again , she searched and searched for any sign of life around her . But still , all she saw was the vast ocean of white sand ahead of her and the blue sky above . Just when she was about ready to give up , she saw a bright star shining in the sky . In a mere instant the star became almost as big as the desert sun and started hurtling towards her . It was the biggest shooting star she 'd ever seen . The girl watched , mesmerized . The boy was about fifteen and almost as big and strong as the three bodyguards who surrounded him . He wore a determined expression . " Let me go ! I want to see what happened ! " More guards came rushing in , preventing the boy from leaving the palace , but Gil would not stop resisting . Her father rushed over to the girl and hugged her tightly . It had been dark already by the time Ishtar got home . Her father , the city elder , had been having a discussion with some of the officials about what had just happened in the desert . They looked glad to see her too . " I 've been so worried about you , Lulu , " her mother said as she brushed the sand off of her daughter . In her mother 's presence , the girl finally started to relax . Everyone called her Lulu instead of her real name . It was why it felt so distinctly strange , so unsettling , when the voice had called her Ishtar . Now that Lulu was home and safe , her parents were a little angry that she had disobeyed them . " I 'm sorry … " she said weakly , even though she never actually went into the desert . Her parents traded surprised looks . She was normally very stubborn and strong - willed . It wasn 't like her to be so contrite . They suspected she had been through a horrifying experience , for how subdued she suddenly was . It was hard to stay angry at her , with a thought like that in their heads . They didn 't ask any more questions , letting her go to wash . After Lulu cleaned herself off , she left the house quietly and watched for anything unusual in the night sky above . The stars were shining bright as usual , as if the incident this afternoon had never happened . But there was something different over there tonight , she thought . Normally , she could only tell where the desert ended and the sky began by the stars . However , this time she saw a red line separating the two , as if the sand was burning bright red where the shooting star had crashed into the desert . I want to go out there and see that light , Lulu thought as she stared into the desert in the dark night . Ten days passed . The shooting star had caved a huge hole in the desert where it had fallen . The hole was the only evidence of the impact during the day . But at night , the bright red light still burned continuously . Everyone in Uruk was too afraid to go near that crater , but Lulu could no longer contain her curiosity , even if she was afraid too . One night , she sneaked out of the house . It was the very first time she had set foot into the desert . It was more dangerous at night , with the temperatures dropping quickly and the scorpions roaming around while heat still lingered . At first , she felt daring to be out in the desert , and so late at that . But the feeling was mitigated ; it didn 't seem so dangerous tonight . For one thing , the light radiated a lot of heat . As for the scorpions , the people said they all died in the explosion and the sand storm . Lulu walked for a long time toward the line of red light but never seemed to get any closer at all . It must be further away than she had imagined . She wondered how long the line was . It had to be at least 50 kilometers long . She walked and walked , and eventually she realized she was sweating from the heat of the light - she must be considerably closer now . But as close as she was , she had to wonder if it wasn 't better to turn around and go back . She hadn 't brought any water , and the sky was lightening with the approaching dawn . She was loath to go back though , taking one last look at the glowing red horizon . But when she looked , she saw a vague human figure . Without thinking , Lulu rushed toward it . Had this person come here like she had , to see the light ? A boy lay there lifelessly . Lulu thought he was dead . The boy was badly burned , skin an angry red . Steam rose from his body - Lulu was afraid it would burn her if she touched him . Shreds of burned clothing clung to his scorched raw flesh . She couldn 't actually see from where she stood if this was a boy , curled as he was with his back to her , but somehow knew he was . She was too afraid to move closer , lingering some distance away . All of a sudden , the boy moved , slowly rolling onto his back . Even though his face was badly burned like the rest of his body , his hair was not . And the expression on his face was not of pain . He appeared to be smiling , his eyes closed as if peacefully sleeping . It was as if he had been waiting there until somebody came and found him . " Are you all right ? " Lulu said , not expecting an answer . The boy slowly opened his eyes and smiled . She couldn 't believe her eyes . It was astounding that he was still alive . " What are you doing here ? " Lulu asked . " I came down here to see you , " the boy said , and he closed his eyes again , once more going still . The boy didn 't answer . Lulu backed away from him , again afraid that he was dead . Then , she noticed a long black rope attached to a piece of burned clothing that clung to his waist , dangerously close to catching on fire . Lulu hurried over to stomp out the smoke that was rising from it . She jumped back . Now that she was closer , it didn 't look all that much like a rope . In fact , it looked like a long tail . " What is this ? " Lulu wondered aloud . Without answering , Gil said to the boy , " I 'm going to take you back to the city , " and he helped the boy up and hoisted him up on his back . Lulu was glad that Gil had come . There was no telling if the boy would have survived . Gil smiled reassuringly at the boy . " I 'm Gil . Don 't worry about anything right now . We 're going to get you somewhere safe . " The boy caught his breath and held it , staring at it in fear . But Gil drew his knife and stabbed it into the middle of the shadow . It went still and vanished without a trace . The threat gone , the boy passed out on Gil 's back . " Is this a friend of yours ? " Gil asked Lulu after they had been walking for a while . " No , I just found him lying there , " Lulu replied . It was a custom for the elder and his family to pay a formal visit to the royals at the palace once a year . There were other children in both Lulu 's family and Gil 's , but these two remained especially close over the years . To Gil , Lulu had not changed even as she grew older and her body began to change , and he liked that about her . Growing up , they 'd played and practiced swordfighting together . Gil was an excellent swordsman . When he practiced with his bodyguards , they had always let him win , though they didn 't have to , but Lulu showed him no mercy . She was almost as good as he was . He used to talk to his parents about the times he spent with Lulu , but they didn 't like Gil spending so much time with her . Just a few days ago they had watched the palace guards practice their drills . Sometimes they 'd just spend time together like that , not really saying much . They could understand each other without words . Lulu told Gil what she thought might have happened to the boy ; he was just walking in the desert when the shooting star had fallen . Gil said , " But it 's been ten days since then . He couldn 't have survived . " " That must be what happened to this guy , " Gil agreed . " I 've never seen him around here before , though , have you ? " " No , I haven 't seen him either . I wonder where he came from . " " Look at him , " Gil said . She must have been thinking aloud . " I 'm sure whatever he said had nothing to do with where he 's from . " Lulu was so glad Gil had come with some water . She had been so thirsty walking all night . But Gil showed no sign of fatigue even with the boy on his back . The boy had been unconscious the whole way . Gil tried talking to him . The boy didn 't stir . " What are we going to do with him ? " Gil looked helplessly at Lulu . He 'd been the one with the plan to bring him back , but he hadn 't planned for what to do next . " So you were going to dump him on me from the beginning ! " Lulu said in exasperation . Lulu 's parents had a fairly large home . It wasn 't as big or luxurious as the palace , of course , but it was spacious and comfortable . There were several barns and storage sheds ; plenty of room for her to keep the boy there . Lulu found a barn away from the house . Once inside , she fashioned a bed with hay , and Gil gently put the boy down on it . He agreed to help her take care of the boy whenever he could sneak away from the palace . If they found out Lulu had been out in the desert all night , they would be very angry . " Gil and I found a badly injured boy on the road , " Lulu told her parents . " We 've brought him here , he 's resting in the barn . I hope you don 't mind . " Lulu was relieved that they didn 't ask any questions and offered to help take care of him . Her parents had never been too strict with her . Unlike most parents of girls , they would let Lulu play with boys and allow her to explore and go on her little adventures . They watched her closely of course , yet always kept some distance . Her parents always trusted her and knew that their daughter was a good girl . On the other hand , Gil 's parents were the complete opposite . Lulu 's parents had one concern for their daughter . They liked Gil and they wouldn 't be happier if their Lulu married the prince one day . But they knew Gil 's parents didn 't feel the same way about their daughter . Her parents worried that Lulu would somehow get in trouble if she kept seeing Gil . Since Gil was with her when they found this injured boy , her parents decided to keep silent for now . The boy lay in the barn for a long time , but didn 't open his eyes . Lulu was afraid he was going to die this time for sure . Twice now , she 'd found a puddle of blood on the floor where he lay when she went to him before daybreak . She tried talking to him , hoping he would hear her , but he remained unconscious . She still brought food for him every day , and every day she put her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat . She breathed a sigh of relief when she found he was alive . But now she decided she would wrap him in clean cloth . She went back to the house and came back with clean wrapping cloth and bandages . Being very careful not to hurt him , she clothed his body and wrapped his face with clean bandages . All she could see on his face now was his eyes and mouth . Lulu hurried over to the house and brought back some food for him . She gently placed a spoonful of food in front of his mouth . He shook his head and smiled at her with his eyes . " He looked like he was , " Lulu said . " He 's in no condition to think clearly . I think he was just trying to move a little . " Five more days passed and the boy 's condition hadn 't improved much . He wasn 't eating at all . " You can live without food for at least ten days , " Gil said . Lulu thought that he should be the complete opposite , and be strong even without food . She wasn 't about to give up on fasting , and told herself that she was mentally stronger than Gil . Part of her even thought if she went without food the boy would get better . By the third day , she thought she would faint from hunger . But somehow , she made it to the next . Lulu was surprised at herself . She never had a big appetite and ate very little . She was very thin and didn 't look as if she should lose any weight . When Gil visited again , he said , " You 've lost a lot of weight . " It appeared he 'd forgotten she hadn 't been eating . " I 've always been thin , you know , " Lulu replied , irritated by Gil 's forgetfulness on top of her hunger . She was tired , weak from fasting . She was even a little angry with the boy for not waking up and eating . She decided take action . She had brought him a bowl of soup this morning . She took a spoonful of it and shoved it into the boy 's mouth . Without opening his mouth , he swallowed it . " He 's awake ! " Lulu cried . " You can start eating again , " Gil said - so he did remember . Gil seemed happy that the boy woke up , but he acted as if he 'd just gotten up from his nap . Lulu , on the other hand , was so relieved that she almost forgot about how hungry and agitated she had been . The boy 's condition improved . He was awake more during the day and ate whenever Lulu fed him . A few days later , he started to eat on his own . Lulu had almost forgotten the sound of his voice . He just ate staring into space . It was hard to tell if he liked the food she made for him . The boy ate the rich food Gil brought the same way he ate Lulu 's . He didn 't seem to be appreciating the food from the palace any more than he did the food here . " He must be hard to please , " Gil joked . It happened before Gil came to visit them . Lulu didn 't know what he meant , but she was happy to hear him speak . She guessed he was trying to thank her for taking care of him . He was still wrapped in the cloth and bandages , but even with his face wrapped up , she could see a big smile on his face . Lulu smiled back at him . She was so happy he had spoken at last . She wanted to tell Gil about what had just happened , but he never came to see them that day . " The demons appeared at the palace again today , " her father said to her that night . " Did Gil get rid of them ? " Lulu asked . It wasn 't unusual for the demons to attack Uruk . That explained why Gil didn 't come today . Lulu felt better about that . The palace was guarded by a group of strong and capable soldiers . Still , the demons managed to attack and kill some of them . Because he was still so young , his bodyguards didn 't think Gil should join in the fight . But the stories of the brave young prince fighting and killing the demons had already reached the people . So Gil faced the demons , unafraid . He even enjoyed fighting them . Whispers and gossip coursed through Uruk when it came to the demons : " We never had the demons coming here until Prince Gil killed one of them a few years ago . " It was a fact , and Gil felt responsible . So he was always on guard and ready to fight them off . Lulu had once asked , " How come you seem to attract the demons ? " The next morning Gil came and brought food . He hardly paid any attention to Lulu and headed straight to the boy . He couldn 't believe what he saw . The boy had changed into a light blue garment and he no longer looked like a fire victim . Gil could see his white skin peeking from under the garment . The skin on his face showed no sign of burns anymore . He lay there and smiled . The boy then looked at Gil as if he was an old friend . " So what 's your name , fellow ? " Gil asked . " Sem , " the boy replied . Lulu came in just in time to hear that . " You remember your name ! " Lulu said that he had brought those clothes a few days ago with other things and forgotten about them . Gil insisted otherwise . Neither of them had ever seen them before , but they went on arguing about them anyway . They forgot Sem was even there . Then Gil abruptly changed the subject and addressed Sem . " I couldn 't come yesterday so I brought you this . " He put down a big sack of food . " How do you like it ? " " So you can talk now . That 's good ! " Gil patted Sem 's shoulder in a friendly gesture . The boy smiled . " You and I need to get reacquainted . " All of a sudden Lulu felt left out at how well they seemed to be getting along . She couldn 't seem to join in their conversation and missed the opportunity to properly introduce herself to Sem . Mr . Force went on with his story . I had wanted ask a few questions here and there , but kept listening . That twin - colored gaze fixed on me . I quickly shook my head in denial . It was hard not to stare at those eyes of his . Mr . Force said nonchalantly , " I 'm a busy man so I don 't have time to go into every detail here . Let 's get on with the story . Hmm , where was I ? " Lulu , Gil , and Sem would grow into young adults . Because Sem took a long time to recover from his injuries , they had all agreed that he stay in Lulu 's household . He was well enough to go out on his own , but preferred to stay in his room . Gil and Lulu were his only friends . Even though he lived on Lulu 's parents ' property , he didn 't see them very often . When he did , he didn 't say much , but was polite to them . Lulu 's parents thought Sem was shy , maybe a little too quiet . They liked him nevertheless . Gil 's reputation as a fearless warrior had grown and it was always the talk of the city . Even though his father was still alive and well , Gil was the future king and there were certain expectations . So far , everyone thought well of him . He had a real presence about him . Gil was pleased with his reputation ; it meant a lot to him . If he had an idea of going on a hike they did so . Gil was never pushy and never insisted on anything Lulu or Sem didn 't . But somehow they all seemed to agree on what to do most of the time . Lulu and Sem always trusted Gil . Gil always had Sem 's health in mind when they were together . He planned their activities to improve Sem 's condition , hoping that Sem would get healthier and stronger . Sem kept up with all the physical activities . They went swimming in the river and diving in the sea . On other days they walked for hours hiking away from Uruk . " He kept up with us for a long time , " Lulu said to him . " We need to give him a break . " They both didn 't know what to say after that . Those were his excuses . Even Lulu didn 't know what to do after several tries . Eventually Gil would have to go back to the palace . It was very frustrating for him . It was rare for a prince to be left alone , so Gil was always surrounded by people , and never felt lonely . Even in this new situation with his friend 's refusal to see him , he wasn 't too discouraged . Lulu didn 't have many friends . Except for when she helped with her parents and spent time with Gil , she was alone , even if she didn 't mind being alone so much . Even though Sem refused to see her , she still talked to him through the door , and it made her feel less lonely . Most of the time Sem would just listen to Lulu talk endlessly and smile at her . She would continue talking to him even when he had gone to sleep . Sometimes they would just sit without saying much . Like always , Sem was very quiet . Little by little , Sem developed a habit of thinking aloud . At first , Lulu didn 't like hearing his thoughts ; it made her feel strange for some reason . But now she actually enjoyed listening to him . Sem would say , as if talking to himself : Lulu had wanted to ask about his past but , when he said that , decided not to . Something terrible had happened to him , she knew . But then he would say , " But you and I will always be together . " Lulu imagined the three of them years later , when Gil would be king . She imagined all of them would still be good friends . Lulu had urged Sem to have Gil listen to some of his ideas , but when Gil was there with them , Sem never said much . Lulu began to think that Sem had forgotten he 'd said any of that . But then he would start mumbling again and she found herself listening to him . Sem certainly was mysterious . Time passed peacefully . There were two rooms in the barn where Sem had been living , and he had been using the one closest to the entrance . One day , Lulu 's father asked her to get the other room ready for harvest . She discovered that Sem had been using the other room without permission . The door to that room was locked . Lulu didn 't think he 'd gone out , since he didn 't do so often . " Sem ! " she called out . " It 's me , Lulu . Open the door ! " She beat on the door for a while and called out again but there was no answer . She was beginning to think that Sem had locked himself inside and pretended absence . That was more than just a little annoying . " Hello , " said Sem from behind her . Lulu jumped and spun around . To that , he said , " I 'm sorry , but I 'm too tired for that right now , " and closed the door on her . Not only did she never get inside the other room , Sem didn 't even invite her into his own room . The next day she got a shock . There was a section of a room that had been added to the barn . It was fairly large and well made for something that was built in such a short time . It seemed to Lulu that Sem spent more time in this new room than he did in his own room from that point on . He called this room his " workroom " . Lulu asked him what he was working on in there , but his answer was always vague . Sem had his workroom locked at all times . This made Lulu want to know even more about what he was doing inside . She had asked Sem to let her in the room many times before but he would always smile and say , " Not today . You can come inside sometime when it 's ready . " There were all kinds of things scattered around the room . Lulu had never seen them before and couldn 't begin to guess what they were , but she 'd expected something more exciting . She left the room after a few minutes feeling flabbergasted and bitterly disappointed . She never said a word about it to Sem of course . " You 'd find them pretty much anywhere construction was being done . " " Like a saw and hammer , stuff like that ? They didn 't have those things 4600 years ago . " I felt silly for having to say this . " If Lulu didn 't know what they were it must be so , " Mr . Force said as if it didn 't even matter . " There were other things there as well . More interesting things like a big furnace to melt metals and a washing machine and laser cutter . Stuff like that . " This didn 't make sense at all . How could there have been a laser cutter 4600 years ago ? But I decided not to ask any more questions for now . It was around that time the visits from Gil stopped . Lulu 's parents ' property was located on the edge of the city . It had been peaceful and quiet there as usual . The palace was in another section entirely and there had been trouble there lately . It had kept Gil busy and he had no time to visit Lulu and Sem . It was shortly before Sem had built his workroom when Gil had a strange dream . Gil had just closed his eyes and was nodding off to sleep . He thought somebody was talking to him . " You are a disgrace … " It was a woman 's voice that sounded a little older than his mother . He had heard the voice before but couldn 't remember who it belonged to . " What are you talking about ? " Gil heard himself ask in his sleep . " You are going to be punished … " Gil was a hard worker and a strong warrior . He knew that he was well liked and thought highly of . The woman 's voice said , " You shall choose your own punishment . " " So I need to choose one of them ? " Gil said calmly . " I 'll go for the beast . " He didn 't sound afraid at all . " I 've never met anyone who could outfight me . I 'd rather have a challenge ! " " Such an ego ! " the voice said angrily . " You shall see … " In Gil 's dream , he felt as if the woman was coming toward him with all her might . He avoided the collision by jerking abruptly to the left . " Oof ! " He woke up to find that he had fallen off the bed . He realized that he had , in fact , been afraid because he was drenched in sweat . " You shall regret your decision , " Gil heard the voice say clearly . It seemed to echo in his dark room . So it wasn 't a dream . He shivered . " A flying lion appeared last night ! " was the buzz around the palace the next morning . Was that the " beast " the woman was talking about ? Outside of the palace it was dark though it was still daytime . Gil looked up for any signs of the flying lion , and saw dark rain clouds in the sky . Where could that beast be ? The demons must have sent such awful weather , Gil thought . " Where are you , you bastard ? " He looked for the flying lion again . When he looked at the edge of the cliff he saw something up there . It was the size of his thumb at this distance , but he could see it had wings . As soon as Gil thought he had seen the flying beast , another gust of wind came with its ominous howl . It came right at him as if attacking and he was carried up in the air to be slammed hard into the ground . Then there was the deafening sound of thunder . It roared and lightning immediately crashed a short distance away from him . The lightning burned through him , robbing him of control of his body . As he was starting to lose consciousness , he heard the woman 's voice from last night . " You shall come to regret your decision … " When Gil awoke , he found himself lying on his own bed . For an instant , he thought it had been a dream . But when he tried to move , a terrible pain wracked his body . It felt as if he 'd been badly beaten . He tried to get up and found it impossible ; he couldn 't even raise his head . " I 'm bedridden like Sem was before , " Gil said , and he laughed to himself . " At least I 'm alive . " Gil 's bodyguards told him that he 'd been out for the last two days since he was brought back to the palace . The appearance of the flying lion had frightened everyone in Uruk . It was on the cliff , and every time it flapped its wings the horrible wind blew . When it tried to fly , it brought a terrible thunderstorm . The sky above the city had been covered with dark thunderclouds . Gil grew frustrated at not being able to move . As he lay there day after day , he grew more frustrated and worried . " Am I going to be able to go after that bastard ? " He thought of his strategies ; how to get to the flying lion without getting blown away by the wind and electrocuted ? The only solution seemed to get up there on the cliff without the beast knowing that Gil was there . He would have to move fast and kill him immediately . It was going to be very difficult . In fact , it seemed impossible , even to Gil . It was frustrating that he couldn 't even get out of bed . Gil told himself that he had to get well as soon as possible and go after the flying lion . But as he lay there , he started doubting if he was ever going to be strong enough to fight it . He had never felt insecure in his life . Fortunately , his recovery didn 't take so long . His father the king had sent many of his capable soldiers to kill the flying lion . They never returned and there was a shortage of soldiers now . So everyone was undoubtedly glad of Gil 's fast recovery . If anyone could , Gil would be the one who was going to get rid of the beast once and for all . Gil told himself that he was the only one who could , as well . But now the expectations from everybody became overwhelming . He realized the woman 's voice had belonged to a demon from The Darkness . He regretted the way he dealt with her . He had no idea what trials he would be facing when he confronted the flying lion . He had never been afraid in his life . For some reason , then , he thought of Sem . He must be feeling insecure , to be longing for their friendship . . . He could just imagine Lulu 's reaction if he went to see Sem now . He was afraid that she would think less of him . But Gil couldn 't think of anyone else to talk to . He knew that talking to Sem would calm his nerves before he went up to the cliff to confront the flying lion . He had been wondering about him lately , after all . Gil decided that he would visit him as soon as he was well enough to move around . There were dark clouds in the sky when Gil arrived at Lulu 's house . Nothing seemed out of the ordinary . " What are you doing here ? " Lulu said in surprise upon seeing Gil . " I came to see how Sem 's doing . " " I heard what happened . You were hurt ? " " It wasn 't as bad as everyone made it sound . I 'm as good as ever , " Gil bluffed . In truth he was far from the physical condition he was in before the incident , but he didn 't want to show any weakness in front of Lulu . " How 's Sem ? " " The same . He hardly comes out of his workroom . " Gil went on to say , " That might be for the best . You never know when the terrible wind and lightning might come . " He was trying to get on Lulu 's nerves by taking Sem 's side but she didn 't seem to notice . Lulu just said , " If he knows you 're here he might actually come out . " Just as Lulu said , Sem came out of the building . He looked as pale and vulnerable as ever , but otherwise he looked well enough to Gil . " I haven 't been able to visit you for a while . Are you doing okay ? " " Everybody is asking me the same question . " Gil had come here to forget about his problems for a while , but he was constantly reminded of them even here away from the palace . Abruptly , Sem started to talk . Lulu didn 't think Sem knew what was happening outside of his workroom . He hardly went out ; Lulu still brought food for him every day . But Gil thought it was impossible for anyone not to know about them . Everybody in Uruk was talking about the flying lion and the demon 's spell . " I see that you haven 't been able to get Sem to come out and talk to you , " Gil said . " I hear that the flying lion is still up there and everyone 's wondering when you are going to get rid of it , " Lulu fired back . All the while Sem stood there staring at the dark clouds . Gil and Lulu continued arguing . " I 've tried to get Sem to come out many times , " Lulu said . " And I 've been trying to find a good way to fight the flying lion but - … " As Gil started defending himself , the awful wind came . He pushed Sem and Lulu into Sem 's workroom , throwing himself inside after them and closing the door . " That 's my job , " Gil said , unconvincingly , " and … it 's going to be difficult . " He sat down on the floor . Lulu just stared at the two young men in front of her . " I haven 't seen it yet , but they say it 's a huge bird with the face of a lion . They say it 's made a nest up there on the cliff . Haven 't you seen it , Gil ? " Gil started to explain to Lulu that even from that far away , when the flying lion fluttered its wings , the terrible wind blew . Lulu seemed skeptical . The more Gil talked about the flying lion , the more anxious he became as he was reminded about the times he was knocked out by the winds . Sem stood there in silence and listened to Gil 's every word . It was a fairly compact object made of four round glass plates attached to two black tubes connected in the middle . Gil and Lulu had never seen anything like it before . " What is that ? " Lulu asked . Illustration of the binoculars " They were binoculars , weren 't they ? " I asked Mr . Force . I didn 't even stop to think of how strange it was that they should exist 4600 years ago until I 'd already said it . Lulu led Gil and Sem to a place where they could see the cliff without any obstruction , based on what Sem had said about his " opera glasses " . There was a sturdy house on one of the streets . They decided to hide behind it and to keep watch on the flying lion . " And we 're going to be able to see the beast from here ? " Gil mumbled half - jokingly . " I 'm going to try to take a look up there again , " Sem said to Gil . " Hold my legs so I don 't get blown away . " The horrible winds continued and seemed to gain strength . " I think he 's getting closer to us ! " Lulu said . Gil feared she was right . " You can 't do anything unless he 's close to us anyway , " Sem said . They found it impossible for Sem to stand on his feet with the winds blowing . Sem lay down on his stomach with Gil on his back , while Lulu held his legs . All he could do was try to lift up his head high enough to see the flying lion up there . Neither Gil nor Lulu could see the beast . The winds raged , whirling and lifting dirt and debris into the air . The particles hit the glass plates on Sem 's opera glasses and his face . It didn 't seem to bother Sem at all and he kept watch . " He 's coming this way ! " Sem shouted , partly out of excitement , but more to be heard over the wind . Then he started counting , and at five , darted behind the house . Lightning pounded the ground nearby . Gil and Lulu fell to the ground from the impact of the crash , but it didn 't affect Sem at all ; it was as if he had been anticipating it . Sem pointed against the wind . Gil hesitated . The spear he had with him was the one his father had given him ; he treasured it . Besides , he was not accustomed to throwing a spear at an enemy . In all his years of training , he had only been taught to use it when in close combat . But there was no time to think about such things . He threw it , just as he was told . It let out a horrifying shriek . For a moment , it seemed suspended in midair , even its wings still . But then it crashed to the ground , kicking up a large cloud of dust . True enough , Sem had predicted the precise moment for the beast to fly over their heads . Gil would never have thought of throwing the spear at it . The outcome somehow made Gil uneasy , and he shivered . The three still couldn 't believe that the flying lion was dead . " Maybe we 've eliminated the demon 's spell as well , " Lulu said hopefully . Its wings were beginning to vanish , slowly . Gil and Lulu watched the lion closely and found that he was still alive and unconscious . Even though the lion could still wake up and attack them again , Lulu thought he was suffering . She said to Gil , " It 's better that you kill him now . " Gil thought that Sem should be the one to do it and turned to him to say so . But Sem wasn 't there . The news of the flying lion supposedly being dead had reached the citizens . The dark clouds parted to show clear skies and sunlight for the first time in what seemed like an eternity . People opened windows and came out on the street . They crowded around the flying lion 's unconscious body . Gil stood in front of Sem 's workroom and called , " Come out Sem , it 's time to celebrate ! " Lulu had already gone to the main house to prepare a feast . But Sem just said , " I 'm sorry , but I 'm exhausted . " Gil really wanted Sem to come out and celebrate their special victory over the flying lion . He almost felt like breaking into his workroom and bringing him out by force . But in the end , he decided to respect Sem 's wishes . There was a huge celebration at Lulu 's house that night . Her parents had prepared a feast . Gil and Lulu both joined in the celebration , and many of the people came to rejoice . Hours later , Gil had grown quite exhausted and fallen asleep right there in the middle of the festivities . Lulu had retired to her room earlier after greeting everyone . People kept coming and going until late into the night . Gil had hoped that , hearing all the commotion and people celebrating , Sem would come out and join . He would berate himself for falling asleep because he 'd intended to go ask Sem to at least come and eat with them . " The lion 's awake ! It 's coming this way ! " It had lost its wings , so it didn 't make much sense to call it a " flying " lion anymore . Gil rushed out of the house and saw that the beast was not there yet . He continued on to the streets but there was no sign of the lion . It was early morning by then , and the sky was blue and clear . In contrast to the previous day , there was no one on the streets . Gil stood for a moment , feeling uneasy . Then he felt something come up behind him . Instinctively , he dropped to the ground . The lion jumped over Gil 's body and landed a short distance away from him . The beast turned to face him and growled . Gil scrambled quickly to his feet , ready to fight , but he realized he didn 't have any weapons . There was blood dripping from the lion 's mouth and Gil suspected that the beast had been eating men . In a mere instant , the lion attacked Gil . He caught the lion 's body when he jumped . Gil pinned the beast to him , leaning and twisting away from his sharp - fanged mouth . As they wrestled , he managed to work his way onto the lion 's back , keeping him down . Gil wrapped his strong arms around the lion 's neck to strangle him . " Kill him ! Kill him ! " There were people all around Gil now . Gil regretted the fact that he didn 't kill the lion once and for all yesterday . He even regretted that he had thought of letting Sem do it . He didn 't even have his spear with him . He thought about strangling the lion to death but figured it would take tremendous strength . Since the lion had passed out and there were plenty of people to watch and warn him , Gil decided to go back to Lulu 's house for his spear . Gil waited for her to say something . When she didn 't , he gestured for her to give him the spear . But she stood there , frozen , her eyes wide in fear and fixed just behind him . Gil turned around . The lion was right behind him . Gil couldn 't believe that he didn 't feel the lion 's presence so close . Maybe it was because the lion didn 't have the intention to attack him right now ? " Gil , what 's going on ? " Gil didn 't answer . Instead , he slowly extended his right hand over to reach the lion 's head . The lion started to rub his head against his hand . " Never mind , " he said . " By the way , the book you wrote seems to be doing well . " " But I 've never written a book before . " I was puzzled but Mr . Force didn 't clarify . Wherever Gil went , so did the lion . At first people didn 't know what to make of it . Most feared that the lion still was a danger to them . But as time went on , everyone seemed to accept the fact that Gil was always with the lion and the animal posed no danger . A young man with a spear , walking with a lion by his side ; the two of them made quite a striking image . The lion was very docile . Even when Gil was around people who were unruly and wanted a squabble , the animal stayed calm and watched . If Gil commanded the lion to wait , the animal obeyed faithfully . Some people started to see the lion as a weakling and provoked him . Only then would Gil allow the lion to show his true nature and teach them a lesson . On one occasion , a man was nearly killed by thinking he had nothing to fear by provoking the animal . Everybody feared and respected Gil and the lion even more after that . Gil hadn 't seen Sem since the day he struck down the flying lion . He 'd thought about how Sem was doing from time to time but didn 't know if it was a good idea to visit him with the lion . Even if Gil ran , it was a good half an hour to Lulu 's place from the palace . The very first night when Gil had brought the lion back to the palace , he told the animal to stay right outside the palace gate . Later on , Gil had watched the lion from one of the watchtowers that the palace guards used . There were guards outside the gate as well and the lion had kept a watchful eye all night with them . The next day , Gil had a training session with the guards . All the while the lion watched them quietly from a distance . Gil kept a close watch on the lion too in case the animal showed any aggressive behavior . That night the lion stayed with the guards outside the gate again . Even though Gil and the guards thought the animal must be hungry , he hadn 't eaten a thing . Gil hadn 't given him any food as a test . One of the guards tried to feed the lion but he wouldn 't eat . Gil had told the guards if anything happened , they were to let him know . Gil asked the most learned men at the palace about the lion . They all looked for any signs of illness or injury , but the animal seemed well enough . He just wasn 't eating . Gil wondered how long he could go on like this . Gil took off after the animal . The moon was full that night so it was easy for Gil to track the lion deeper and deeper into the forest . The forest got darker and denser as he followed on and on . He wondered if the lion was going home . After following the lion for a while , Gil had a feeling that he would never see him again . He went back to the palace . Gil thought then that the lion was in the forest last night for food . As the days went by , Gil started to trust that the lion was not dangerous and became comfortable with leaving him at the palace . The animal had been obedient and watchful , so Gil decided to visit Sem now . There had been unusually heavy rain in the region that year . Gil waited for the rain to slow down to go out to see Sem , but it continued just as heavily . The river overflowed and flooded Uruk . There was nothing anyone could do to stop it . The people evacuated to the palace because it was high up on a hill . Inside , there was unrest and chaos . Gil knew , at least , that Lulu and Sem were safe because Lulu 's parents lived well above sea level as well . But it was so frustrating that the weather had kept him away from them . It had never rained so much even as far as the oldest citizens could remember . Someone started a rumor that the heavy rain was a sign that God was cursing them . People began to fear that Uruk , palace and all , was going to be submerged . Gil 's father was alarmed by this weather . The king consulted the palace scientists at first but as the days went by and the rain showed no sign of stopping , he called for a shaman . In the chaos , the lion had disappeared . The forest was flooded just as most of Uruk was now , but that wasn 't unusual for a rainy season . Animals would sense the approaching rain and leave the forest before it flooded ; they would return again after water subsided . But it didn 't appear that the lion had predicted the rain and the flooding . He had disappeared after the people started to evacuate to the palace . Some people thought the lion had drowned . Gil worried about him , but in such severe weather there was nothing that he could do to find the lion now . Then snails started to invade the palace grounds . Normally there were slugs during the rainy season , so snails were unusual . It was just a few in the beginning . Then , one day someone found the food storage shed filled with snails , and the next day there were snails everywhere in the palace grounds . An entire wall in Gil 's room was filled with them . The sheer multitude was unsettling . That night , he had the dream again . " I shall punish you now … " " This time you have no choice , I 'm sure you know it . " Her taunting tone was making Gil angry , but he tried to sound as calm as he could . " I don 't know what you 're talking about . " " You shall see when you wake . . . " With that , the voice left him in the darkness . The first thing Gil saw when he woke was his wall , covered in snails . " This is the punishment ? " He was flabbergasted . But by noon that day , he would know the true meaning of what the woman 's voice had said . " A tornado is coming ! ! " There was panic at the palace . " This is the punishment , then . " He just knew something bad was about to happen . He went out to the courtyard in the middle of the palace . It was half submerged in water . Illustration of the Snails The rain was coming in practically sideways now . Gil could see the black shape of the tornado still quite a distance away from the palace . The raging tornado moved towards him , twisting and swallowing everything in its path . " Close the gates ! ! There 's a tornado ! Close the gates ! ! " Gil ordered . The gates had been left open for the fear that they wouldn 't open once flooded inside the palace grounds . Strangely enough , Gil 's warning about the tornado didn 't cause panic among the people gathered there . Everyone thought that the palace was built strong enough to protect them from the tornado . " What are you doing ? " Gil said to the guards who hadn 't obeyed him , too afraid of being trapped inside . Gil could see that he wouldn 't get any help from them and started closing one of the gates himself . The flood water was coming up to Gil 's ankles , but it didn 't seem to slow him down very much at all . But just then , there was a loud rumbling , winds roaring as the tornado came through . As Gil held onto the gate for dear life , the tornado passed right by and went inside the palace through the gate . Gil heard screams from inside . After the tornado had gone through the back gate , it went up into the sky . Gil looked up and couldn 't believe what he saw . The tornado was shaped like a snail ! Gil had no doubt now that the tornado was sent by the demon just like when it sent the flying lion . Inside the palace , Gil found people huddled in fear . The tornado had swallowed all the snails and taken them up into the air . Gil knew he had to do something about the tornado , but his body seemed frozen in place . Gil had thought it seemed difficult to kill the flying lion . Getting rid of the tornado seemed almost impossible . He went inside the palace and looked up at the sky from the courtyard , but he couldn 't see the snail - shaped tornado anymore . It started to rain again and it seemed to come from all directions at once . Even though Gil couldn 't see the tornado , he could tell it was still nearby . Just as when he was back at the gate to close it , something slammed into him , hard , and knocked him to the ground . When he caught a glimpse , he saw it was the tornado - its shell was hard ! It hit him again and again with great force . Each time he was slammed down hard onto the wet ground and against the walls of the palace . Gil couldn 't believe that something shaped like a snail had such power . He somehow managed to crawl back inside the palace . Before the guards could close the gate , the snail - tornado chased him inside and he felt himself being sucked up into it . " Sh - shit ! " The tornado drew Gil high up into the air . He couldn 't help but scream . Gil plunged into the water . He swam furiously and was finally able to come up to get some air . He tried to get an idea of where he was , but all he could see was the rain and the horizon through it , vaguely . He didn 't know how far through the air the tornado had carried him . The river 's current was strong . It was hard to keep his head above the water . Gil started to lose consciousness , and his last thought was that he was going to die . " You shouldn 't have come out in this weather , " Lulu said . " Were you worried about us ? " She and Sem smiled at Gil . That was more than just a little annoying after what he 'd been through . " You don 't know what 's just happened to me ! " Normally , Gil was good at controlling his emotions , but he knew he sounded quite emotional . The river had carried Gil toward Lulu 's house and obviously someone else had seen him in the water . " You tried to swim out here to see us ? " Knowing Gil , Lulu thought it was something he would do . " You think I 'd do something stupid like that ? " Gil felt himself losing his temper . But then he saw Sem 's face , and began to calm down . He 'd wanted to come see him for some time , after all . He told Sem and Lulu about everything that had happened since their last meeting , and he was finally able to tell Sem what he 'd been meaning to say since that day . " What are you going to do now ? " said Lulu . Her words brought Gil back to the dilemma at hand . He didn 't look at her when he replied , his tone serious . Sem and Lulu didn 't have a reply to offer . Gil sat and thought for a long time with the two in silence . The only noise was the rain beating hard against the building from the outside . He borrowed a spear and a boat and headed towards the cliff where the flying lion 's nest had been . Sem went along with him , even though he 'd told Sem that the opera glasses would be no use to them this time . The tornado was too fast and too unpredictable . But Sem had insisted on coming along , saying he had something even better than the opera glasses . Gil didn 't want to put Sem in danger ; he looked so frail . But no matter how many times and how many ways he refused , Sem continued to insist . Even Lulu grew impatient with Gil . " He wants to help you . You should accept his offer gracefully like a man . " Gil felt he had no choice but to take Sem along , hearing something like that . Some of the people , including the soldiers from the palace , had evacuated to the top of the cliff . There was food and water for everyone and they all seemed to be in good spirits despite the situation . Only Gil seemed to be deep in thought . Everyone at the cliff was surprised to see Gil , and were even more surprised to hear that he was there to eliminate the snail - tornado . All he had with him was his spear . Gil was told that the snail - tornado had been close to the cliff several times . Gil lined up the soldiers with their spears on one side of the cliff . " Throw your spears at the snail - tornado as soon as you see it . " That was all Gil told them . He himself stood in the middle of the line . He looked down at the river overflowing with muddy water and debris , then out and around at the rain pouring down on them . He couldn 't see it , but he could sense that the snail - tornado was still nearby . " I can 't take a break right now … " Gil didn 't want to leave Sem to the task of watching out for the tornado . But as the day went on , Gil started feeling more fatigued than ever . His nerves were wearing him down . " We 'll take turns , so we can get a bite to eat . " Gil planned to keep watch all night . Sem told him , " We should rest now . It 's dark and hard to see anyway . " Gil didn 't answer , and Sem retired to the cave everyone had been using as shelter . Eventually , Gil came to realize Sem was right . Even if the tornado came now , they would be throwing their spears in total darkness . It was better they all got rest while they could . He ordered the soldiers to get some sleep . They seemed relieved . Gil went to the cave after them , and found Sem lying there . It looked like he was asleep already . " How can you sleep at a time like this ? " he said to himself . " You have to sleep at a time like this , " Sem said with a smile , not opening his eyes . In contrast to Gil 's dark , worn out face , Sem 's pale face seemed radiant . " We 'll get rid of the snail - tornado tomorrow . " Gil didn 't reply . Sem rose at daylight and started to leave the cave . Gil followed him , but Sem knew that Gil hadn 't gotten any rest at all . " I 'm going to keep watch for a while . You need to rest . " Sem gently pushed Gil down . " You 're right . . . " Fatigue overcame him . Gil slipped into sleep . Sem stood at the entrance of the cave with a long tube - like object in his hand . It looked as if it was carved out of wood . There were several soldiers there with him in case they had to move quickly . Before noon , the rain had changed direction . It was blowing sideways again . " It 's coming ! ! " Sem shouted . Everyone held their breath . " I 'm sorry … but , no . " " You don 't know anything about tornadoes at all ? " I didn 't answer . It would be humiliating for me to say that I didn 't , in fact . I promised myself that I 'd study about them . " The tornado is coming ! " one of the soldiers told Gil . He got to his feet as quickly as he could and hurried for the cave 's entrance . Then he heard Sem 's voice some distance away . There was an ominous rumbling . A deafening sound like an explosion . All of a sudden , the rain ceased . Gil reached the entrance of the cave , but Sem and the soldiers were gone . There were no puddles on the ground ; the rainwater had been sucked up . The rain started again . Even on the cliff , a river of floodwater quickly grew . Then , Gil heard screams from above . He looked up , to see the soldiers falling from the sky . They landed in the newly formed river flowing down the cliff . " Sem ! " Gil easily spotted Sem 's frail form amongst the soldiers and jumped into the water to save him . Somehow , he found one of his arms and drew the boy close . He was unconscious . Gil caught a glimpse of a rock and reached out to hold onto it , clinging for dear life with Sem in his other arm . He heard the soldiers cry for help in the distance , but it was all he could do to hold onto the rock with Sem . The other opened his eyes . " You came too late … " " I 'm sorry . . . " It was all Gil could say to the way the words stung . He felt terrible about falling asleep , and not reacting quickly enough when Sem called . " I 'm sorry . " " There was nothing you could have done , " Sem said . It made Gil feel even worse . He didn 't know what else to say . " Next time , I 'll take out the bastard once and for all , I promise . " " I don 't think you can do anything about it right now … " Sem didn 't have any faith in him anymore , he thought . Sem kept watching for the tornado and Gil stayed right by him . Night came , and there was still no sign of it . Later that night , Sem went to sleep , and Gil decided he should get some rest , too . They hadn 't said a word to each other since that afternoon . Gil rested , and the next day , he and Sem watched for the tornado to come . It went on like that for three or four days , but nothing happened . Gil 's nerves were beginning to fray . He began to think that they were helpless against the tornado . All they could do was wait for it . Everything was on its terms . Gil thought about the soldiers who died in the river after falling from the sky . He wanted to avenge them , and that made it all the more frustrating that the tornado seemed to be hiding from them . He felt as if he was going mad without any action . Sem sensed Gil 's mounting frustration . " Don 't worry so much . We are going to get him next time . " It was meant to be comforting of course , but Sem had told him that so many times it started to feel patronizing . " Lulu ? " Gil said . He couldn 't keep arguing once she 'd been brought up . The thought of her was enough to calm Gil down , and he felt somewhat peaceful knowing that she 'd be there with them . He didn 't even care about the reason she 'd be there , even if he was curious . All of a sudden the rain stopped . They both knew what that meant . Sem looked into his " telescope " , and Gil ordered the soldiers to be ready for the tornado . " Over there ! ! " Sem called , pointing . " To the right ! " They all strained to see where Sem pointed but saw nothing in the darkness . Nevertheless , Gil ordered the soldiers to aim their spears that way . " Just as I thought , " Sem said , as if none of this was extraordinary . " Spears are no good . " Gil didn 't care . He gathered all the extra spears he could , and started throwing them one after another as if he 'd gone mad . They flew far , every single one falling into the muddy river . " You shouldn 't waste spears like this , " Sem said calmly . But this seemed to infuriate Gil even more . He started stomping on the snails that fell from the sky . The smell from the crushed snails was horrible . When there were no more snails to step on , he sat down and pounded a rock with his fist . Lulu stood there , looking down at Gil . Even though they were very close physically , it felt like there was an invisible wall between them . Suddenly , Gil noticed Sem wasn 't there anymore . " Master Gil ! Master Gil ! " The soldiers and citizens started chanting in encouragement . Hearing his own name reverberating around him in so many voices energized him , bringing him to his feet . All of a sudden Lulu cheerfully blurted , " Let 's get married ! " It echoed in the sudden silence . Gil was confused . Everyone in Uruk knew this was coming , including Gil himself . He 'd just never expected it to happen at a time like this . Then Gil remembered Sem saying that Lulu was coming here soon . He wondered why Sem knew that Lulu was going to be here . He had a feeling that maybe there was something going on between them . He was overcome with the urge to know the truth . " Have you been fooling around behind my back ? " " What are you talking about ? " she asked in disbelief . She had to think for a moment . " You don 't mean that I 'm with Sem , do you ? " " When you are ready , please come at once , " he 'd told Lulu then . She 'd done so , and prepared this thing he wanted kept secret . Maybe this was why Gil was suspicious about her and Sem ? As far as Lulu was concerned , she didn 't owe him any explanations . It was infuriating , hurtful , that he didn 't trust her . " I don 't want to be with you , then , if you 're so insecure . " Gil grimaced . There wasn 't anything he could say to defend himself . Everyone around him stared in frozen silence . Meanwhile , Lulu set her backpack down and started unpacking . Then , she whistled and the lion padded into the cave , holding a spear in its mouth . Gil was even more confused , seeing the lion again . But he didn 't say anything , and Lulu continued unpacking until Sem returned . " Thank you Lulu , I 'll take care of the rest . " Sem took a bag of black powder from the backpack and stuffed it into a leather pouch that had a string attached . Next he wrapped the leather pouch around the spear . " Can someone prepare fire ? " One of the soldiers went further back into the cave to do so . While everyone watched Sem , he was watching for the tornado through his telescope . The rain started blowing sideways again . The soldier came back with a makeshift torch . Sem commanded the tip of the string be lit . Lulu grabbed the torch from the soldier without a word and did so . " Hey ! What are you doing with my spear ? " Gil protested . He tried to take it back from Lulu . She glared at him . Lulu backed away and chanted his name in excitement with everyone else . Gil didn 't hear them anymore . He even forgot Lulu was there . His attention was focused on throwing the spear and getting rid of the tornado once and for all . When they woke , everything had changed . The rain had stopped and the sun was peeking through the clouds . They could see the palace and Lulu 's house in the distance . The river flowed calmly ; there was no more flooding . " Gil ! Gil ! Gil ! " Everyone was shouting his name , celebrating his victory . Gil looked at Lulu triumphantly . Their eyes locked and Gil offered his hand . Sometime after that , snails started to fall from the sky , finally coming down after being swallowed by the tornado . Some must have been so high up they were frozen . But most were charred or brown from the explosion . The snails fell from the sky not just in Uruk , but as far as Rome . " You want to try these ? " Mr . Force pointed to the steaming plate of escargot on the table in front of me . They seemed to have appeared like magic . " Go ahead , they 're really good . " But he didn 't make a move to eat any , himself . . And all of a sudden it dawned on me . " That 's a very good assumption , I 'd say , " Mr . Force said and smiled at me . I smiled back . But then he continued . " Unfortunately , you didn 't consider the time period . The Roman Empire wouldn 't exist until many years later . " " Oh … " I said , suddenly embarrassed . The people of Uruk welcomed Gil as a hero . Just like when he 'd gotten rid of the flying lion , Sem was nowhere to be seen . Even worse now , there was no Lulu . It didn 't seem right that he was getting all the credit for the victory . Gil didn 't feel like celebrating . The happy people all talked about the bravery of their prince , and of course , the marriage proposal from Lulu . It made Gil 's heart beat a little faster every time he replayed Lulu 's proposal in his head . The fact that almost everyone knew about it made him feel uncomfortable . As time went on , her rejection bothered him more and more . He became preoccupied with worry , afraid everyone knew that he was rejected . Gil didn 't know if it was a good or bad thing to be so preoccupied with these thoughts . He left the celebration and went back to the palace to report on his successful mission to his parents . Then he retired to his room . Now that it was over and he could relax , fatigue took over . There was a lot on his mind but his body gave out . Gil fell asleep . It took a lot of deliberation , but Gil went to Lulu 's house the next morning . He had something he wanted to ask Sem . As Gil walked the streets , people stopped to bow in appreciation and respect . An elderly couple even got down on the ground when they bowed . He was better able to deal with it today , partly because of this other mission of seeing Sem . But when Gil was near Lulu 's house , he was overcome with anxiety . What if Sem wasn 't there and he had to talk to Lulu ? He decided that if that was the case , he would just leave without talking to her . Gil headed toward Sem 's workroom with determination . " He 's not feeling well . I think he got the chills from being in the rain . " " That wasn 't good for him , I 'm sure , " Gil said , glaring back at Lulu . He decided to be mean to her . " Are you really capable of taking good care of him ? If I were you , I 'd give him something warm to drink . " " Thank you Gil . I 'm happy you came to visit . " Sem 's kind words made Gil feel better , but it only annoyed Lulu even more . Gil was confused by the way Lulu had acted since she said they should marry . He thought Lulu had acted out of confusion because of the situation they were in . He wanted to believe that . He started to avoid being alone with her . " I just happened to pass by and wanted to see how you are , " Gil said casually . " You still look ill , but I 'm not worried . Lulu 's always here to take care of you . " Even after the flooding ceased and its waters receded , it continued to rain for some time in Uruk . But the rain was not so much to be of any threat . Then the weather started to change for the better and the soil was rich and ready for crops to be planted . One day , Gil visited Sem and found Lulu wasn 't there . He was excited that they could talk without her for the first time . " Does it bother you that Lulu 's here all the time ? I know she can 't keep her mouth shut . " Gil wanted Sem to loosen up a little with him . But Sem replied as usual . " I enjoy her company , and she 's normally quiet with me . " " She 's quiet . . . ? " Gil was shocked to hear that . So Lulu acted differently with Sem . He wanted to ask more about her behavior , but didn 't want to seem pushy . " Oh , nothing in particular . " Gil sensed that Sem didn 't want to talk about it so he didn 't press it any further . Gil had been wondering if Sem knew about Lulu 's marriage proposal in the cave . Maybe she 'd told him about it ? Gil thought for a while , and decided that it was unlikely that she did . After hearing this especially , he was convinced that he knew nothing about it . But there were two more things he 'd been wanting to ask . " When we were up there on the cliff , you asked Lulu to come ? " " Yes , I did , " Sem admitted . " Why didn 't you tell me you told her ? " Gil knew he didn 't sound like himself when he said it ; he knew he sounded unhappy . " I don 't know why I didn 't tell you . " Sem seemed far away in his own thoughts when he said it . " I 'm sorry , I just don 't know . " Gil felt Sem was being honest . He 'd been in a hurry in all that chaos , after all . In fact , Gil wasn 't even sure Sem had actually told him she was coming at all anymore . It was an honest misunderstanding . And he had rushed to conclusions and doubted Lulu for something like that . . . " Really , can I ? " This was so exciting . He wanted to know more about this new weapon , how it could be used for future battles . He was a soldier , after all . " Can I see it here ? Would it be safe enough to handle here ? " Gil couldn 't wait . But Sem showed no sign of moving from his bed . " I 'll show it to you when I feel better . " He heard Sem cough a little and realized that he was wearing him out . It was disappointing that he couldn 't see it today , but he was cheerful when he replied , " I 'm looking forward to seeing it . " Shortly after Gil left , Lulu went to see Sem in his workroom . She 'd seen the lion , so she knew Gil was visiting , but she 'd taken longer than usual helping her mother with the chores . By the time she got to Sem 's , the lion was gone . She went inside and found Sem on the bed , seemingly asleep . Lulu wanted to talk to Gil alone . She regretted the proposal that day on the cliff ; not the proposal itself , but the timing . She wasn 't herself that day . She knew as much as Gil did that they would marry someday , but she wished she hadn 't said it then . She still couldn 't believe she 'd just blurted it out like that . That day , Sem had asked her to collect some stones and come on the boat to meet him on the cliff . She 'd felt so alone and afraid on the way there that getting there and seeing Gil was a relief . She sensed that he was as afraid as she was , and it made her feel closer to him than ever . And when everyone began chanting his name in excitement , it was elating . It made that closeness feel more like oneness and before she could stop herself , she 'd cried out , " Let 's get married ! " She 'd wanted to say right away that she didn 't mean it . But in those circumstances , with everyone there , it just wouldn 't come out . Then Gil said that she 'd been unfaithful . She wondered what had made him think of her like that . Lulu thought that there must be a misunderstanding . She tried to think back to whatever she did that had made Gil think she was " unfaithful " , but came up with nothing . She 'd always been optimistic , so she decided that Gil had returned her " joke " with his " joke " . After all , she was certain that if Gil had something on his mind , he 'd tell her . She didn 't want to admit it but she felt that he was holding something back , even if she didn 't realize he was avoiding her . One day Gil went to see Sem again . To his surprise , he found him lying on the grass outside , looking up into the sky . He looked much better than when he 'd last seen him . At the sound of his and the lion 's footsteps , Sem raised his head and greeted them . " Hey . " " You look well . " " I feel pretty good today . " Gil looked around and saw that Lulu wasn 't there . He lay down on the grass next to Sem and said , " It 's so quiet and peaceful here … " Gil closed his eyes , enjoying the comfortable silence . Even the lion got down on the grass beside him . " He 's always with you , " Sem commented . Sem rose and got closer to the lion , staring into his eyes . The lion 's eyes were narrowed drowsily as he stared back . Eventually , they closed . Gil had fallen asleep and started to snore . . . Sem watched the lion for a while and decided to touch the lion 's whiskers . They twitched at his touch . Then he grabbed them and yanked hard . The lion growled and turned away . Sem slapped the big cat 's face . " Graouw ! ! " the lion snarled . Gil woke at the sound . " What 's going on ? " Gil jumped to his feet . Not knowing what had just happened , Gil blamed the animal , and smacked him . " He 's just an animal , after all . Be careful around him , " he told Sem . " Okay … " That was all Sem said , and he moved away from the lion . Then Gil saw Lulu walking towards them , and he forgot about everything else . Lulu had been watching the whole thing . She approached Sem , standing less than arm 's length from him . " This is the first time I 've gotten to see him . " Gil didn 't know what to make of what Sem was saying , and looked helplessly at Lulu . They had to smile at each other . " You sure are different , " Gil said , while Lulu scolded him . " If it was any other lion you wouldn 't have gotten away with it . " To that , Sem just smiled . " I 'm sorry . I won 't do it again . " The lion yawned as if in exasperation and watched the three . " You seem to have a lot of energy today . Why don 't we go do something ? " Lulu suggested . Gil wasn 't sure if he wanted to . This was the first time that the three of them were together since they destroyed the tornado . Gil couldn 't help but think of Lulu 's marriage proposal . Much to Gil 's relief , Lulu acted exactly like she always had . She led the way into the forest , looking cheerful . " There is a place by the brook where there are lots of mushrooms , " she said . She saw the lion was following them too , and she added to him , " You don 't have to stay with us . Go get something to eat and come back . " The lion obeyed and left them as if Lulu was his master . " I thought that the lion only listened to me … I 'm impressed , " Gil said . " There are others who can do things just like you , " Lulu teased him and smiled . Her smile was the same as before . Gil decided to forget about this whole marriage thing since she was still acting like it had never happened . It was dark in the forest where the mushrooms were . The entire area was filled with mushrooms radiating a white glow . The trio was entranced . " What 's going on here ? " Lulu said , puzzled by the light . Gil picked one of the mushrooms . The mushrooms didn 't exactly look poisonous , even if they didn 't look appetizing either . It was hard to tell what their original color was ; they shone so brightly they were almost translucent . Sem threw one at Lulu for her to catch but she avoided it . " I don 't think they are poisonous , " he said . " Are we going to pick them ? " But Lulu was hesitant . " These don 't look like the ones I was looking for . " " I 'm sure . " Lulu was sure of it , but she was puzzled by the strange mushrooms . Gil was already kneeling down on the ground to pick them . Sem was on the ground just a little ways away from them , his back turned . They heard him spit out something . Sem turned around and said , " They taste pretty awful . " He was holding a mushroom in his hand . " You took a bite ! ? " Gil asked in alarm . " What are you doing , Sem ? " Lulu rushed over to him and knocked the mushroom out of his hand . In doing so she broke off its cap , and it lost its light , soon turning into formless jelly . Lulu was beside herself . " What if they 're poisonous ? " " You don 't try to find out that way ! " Gil yelled . " I didn 't think it was poisonous ! " Sem said defiantly . Gil and Lulu didn 't know what to say , but they had to get through to Sem about this . " We 're trying to tell you those mushrooms can kill you if they 're poisonous . " Gil tried to be stern , and glared at Sem . Lulu chimed in . " What 's wrong with you today ? First you hit the lion and now this … " She raised her voice . " Do you want to die ? " Sem was silent . Lulu stepped closer to him and asked again , " Do you ? " She grabbed Sem by the shoulders and shook him hard . " … Of course not . " Sem looked down , and continued in a barely audible voice . " I don 't want to die … I want to stay here on this Earth forever . " Sem looked as if he was going to start crying . Lulu let go of his shoulders and said , " Then why are you acting this way ? " She sat down on the ground . " After all , I 've been taking care of you , you know … " Gil could hear the tears in her voice . Anger and jealousy reared their heads . " I think you need to apologize to her ! " he said , and he shoved Sem . Gil knew he was out of control , but it was too late . Sem went tumbling backwards into the field of bright mushrooms . Gil couldn 't remember how he 'd gotten back to the palace after that . He 'd found himself standing in a corner right outside its district . He 'd been so out of touch with reality that he couldn 't remember how long he 'd been there , after parting with the other two . He was only jolted back to it in the first place when the lion found him and rubbed his nose against him . He kept thinking about the moment when he pushed Sem . He remembered when he was a small child and he 'd bullied a boy . No one had reprimanded him . He just remembered that Lulu had told him to stop . He could still hear her voice , " You shouldn 't , Gil . " He had never been scolded by anyone before . No one had ever scolded Gil except Lulu . He 'd never done anything particularly wrong . But Lulu would find a few things here and there and said things like , " Aren 't you ashamed to act like that ? " She always had a way of making him feel really bad afterwards . Gil had behaved himself in recent years so Lulu had no need to scold him . Needless to say , this episode with Sem was disturbing him . Gil wondered if Sem was going to forgive him . He was filled with regret over the whole thing , and couldn 't forget Lulu yelling at him with such a fierce expression on her face . He spent that night sleepless . When Gil got to Sem 's workroom , Lulu was there to let him in . Sem was lying in bed on his side with his back turned to Gil . " My stomach hurts … " Sem said , but he didn 't turn to face Gil . " At least you didn 't die from eating the mushrooms … " Lulu said jokingly as she brought in food for him . Gil didn 't know what to say . Gil stayed there in the same position , even when Lulu had left to go back to the main house . He didn 't know how long he 'd been there . Time slipped by until Sem spoke . Gil had asked Sem before but he 'd always refused . Lulu hadn 't been to the palace since she had found Sem . " I 'll carry you . What do you say ? " Gil offered cheerfully . " … I don 't want to get up for a while , " Sem said petulantly . This wasn 't going anywhere , Gil thought , and left . Gil left the palace to visit Sem again with a heavy heart the next morning . The sunlight felt harsher on his skin than usual as he walked . He knew that everything seemed too bright in comparison to his dark thoughts . Gil found Sem lying on his bed in the same position as he was yesterday . He appeared to be asleep . Lulu was there . " He 's eating , " she said . " I 'm sure he 'll be better soon " She didn 't seem worried at all , in fact , trying to tease him . " You sure are more serious about the mushrooms than you were with the tornado . " So Lulu thought he was just concerned about his health … Gil had been worried that Lulu was still angry with him for that incident , too , but she didn 't seem to be holding it against him at all . That was a relief . He just wished that Sem would forgive him . Gil stayed for a while and left without seeing Sem 's face . The sun was still out , shining strongly . The lion was waiting for Gil under a tree but he still looked as if he was trying to shield his face from the bright sunlight . Something wasn 't right here . It was time for the sun to go down ; it should have been getting darker . Apparently , everyone he passed on the streets thought the same and looked up into the sky . But the horizon over the desert and the mountains far in the distance was dark . It was only daylight in Uruk . The sky got brighter as the hours went by and eventually it became white . Gil couldn 't sleep that night because it was just too bright , even in his room . He knew that the mushrooms were somehow planted in the forest by the demon . Gil got dressed to go to Sem 's . It was still very early , but it was so bright it didn 't matter . If the demon had planted the mushrooms and Sem had eaten it , Gil couldn 't just sit around and do nothing . He had a plan ; he would get the black powder that Sem had used to destroy the tornado , and use it to destroy the mushrooms in the forest . It was about the same time when Sem sat up with a start from his own rest . It was unusually bright in his room , too . He looked out the window . " Another punishment . . . " he said to himself . He went to his work area and brought back pieces of scrap wood to fill the cracks between the walls in his room . He left a tiny hole for some light . When this was done , he looked around and let out a satisfied sigh . As soon as Gil set foot outside the palace , he had to stop . The brightness was blinding … It got brighter and brighter as he walked . At some point , Gil noticed he hadn 't seen the lion yet . But soon , it became too hard to think of anything but reaching his destination He couldn 't see the buildings anymore and it was even hard to see his own feet moving . Then he couldn 't see at all and thought he was hallucinating . " Sem ! " he yelled as loud as he could . " Lulu ! Can you hear me ? " Then he heard a door open and Sem 's tiny voice say , " Over here . " Gil couldn 't see Sem at all . " Sem , where are you ? " he said as he stumbled around blindly . " I 'm here , " Sem said and grabbed Gil 's hand . " I can see you just fine . I 've been waiting for you . Come inside . " Sem led him into his room . He sounded as normal as ever . Gil wondered if he was losing his mind . " Sem … " he said nervously . " I 'm here . " Gil tried to find Sem in the darkness but couldn 't . " Your eyes will get used to it eventually . " He sounded reassuring , but Gil wanted to be able to see right away . After what seemed like a long time , he was finally able to make out the outline of Sem 's face in a ray of sunlight shining into the room . " No need . I feel good today . " He could see Sem was smiling . Gil knew that his eyesight was almost back to normal . He even noticed the small crack letting the sunlight in . " Then you need to do something ! " " That 's why I 'm here ! " The fear had left him quickly now that he was safe . He continued explaining his suspicion , confident . " I think this has something to do with the mushrooms by the brook in the forest . " Sem let out a sigh . It was obvious to him that Gil wasn 't listening . " I 've something special , " he said . Gil didn 't understand what he could possibly have that would let him see in such brightness . But he continued , more confident than ever . " I 'll be your eyes … " He took out and put on what looked to be a pair of sunglasses . " You can 't see anything at all like that , I 'm sure , " Gil said . " That 's a good question . " Mr . Force said with a slight smile . " He was afraid of them because he didn 't know what they were . " " Well … " I felt uncomfortable . " We aren 't going to talk about it anymore . It 's a waste of time . " " I suppose . . . " " That 's what it 's called ? Never mind . We can blow up anything with it . " Gil was pleading with Sem to let him use it , but a smile appeared beneath the sunglasses . " Don 't be stupid ! Let 's just go . " Gil tried his best to sound brave . Sem stepped out of his room like he was simply going for a stroll . It was a stark contrast to the awkward way Gil had to walk , blindly , with only the movement of Sem 's shoulders as his guide . " It 's here … " Right in front of them , but visible only to Sem , stood a mushroom with legs . It didn 't move at all . " Where ? " Gil readied his spear while Sem stared at the mushroom . In an instant , the mushroom started to float , rising high into the sky . Sem watched it go until he couldn 't see it anymore . " All right . " Gil didn 't really know which direction , exactly , he was supposed throw the spear . He readied a throw , but it was hard for him to keep balance in a good position with his eyes closed . " Right up there ? " Gil asked just to make sure . " Yes . Please hurry . " They waited for any indication the spear had hit the target . But they didn 't hear a sound . They didn 't think that Gil had missed it , because the spear didn 't come down . " What ? " Gil was getting frustrated because he had to keep his eyes shut and couldn 't see what was going on up there . " What are we going to do now ? " he asked Sem irritably . " Lulu , we need a ladder and some spears ! " Gil called out loudly when they reached the main house . Sem watched Lulu come out of the house with her eyes closed . Like Gil , all Lulu saw was the extreme white brightness all around her . " I don 't have time to explain . Will you please just go get them for us ? " Gil yelled impatiently . " It 's too bright for me to see , " Lulu complained . " I wouldn 't know where I 'm going . " Lulu went back inside , and soon came back with the key . " Here it is . . . " She handed it to Sem . " Thanks . " Sem immediately took off towards the shed . Left alone , the other two awaited Sem 's return with their eyes closed . " So what are you going to do with the ladder and spears ? " Lulu asked . " I 'm just taking Sem 's word for it . I can 't see it or anything . " Gil 's tone was sarcastic . They both knew it would lead to an argument if they continued this way , so he switched to a safer subject . " Is the shed far from here ? " " Not really . " Gil thought for a moment . " Maybe he 's having trouble carrying everything . " " Are you okay , Sem ? " Gil said . He stumbled towards the noise . " I 'm sorry it took so long . I didn 't think they would be so heavy . " Gil felt for the ladder and took it from Sem . " I 'm going to do the rest , " he said , and he put the ladder against the wall of the house . " Can you give me the spears ? " " Here they are . " Sem handed them to Gil . He tried to get the feel of one of them . It seemed flimsy , not well made at all , but he had no choice but to use it . He started practicing throwing positions with his eyes closed . " . . I think these will do , " Gil said with satisfaction after a while . He put his foot on the ladder and asked Sem , " So the demon 's really up here ? " " Stop there ! You can get on the roof now , " Sem instructed . Gil tested the roof with one foot first and found it was safe for him to stand on . He felt with his feet and found a good spot to throw a spear from . He pointed the position out to Sem with the tip of the spear and asked , " Is this a good spot ? ' Gil readied the spear and threw it as hard as he could . The momentum was so great that he lost balance and almost fell off the roof . Worse yet , the spear didn 't quite reach the target . Gil backed up a few steps on the roof . He tried to measure the length of the roof in steps ; one step , two , three , four … He calculated and saw in his mind that he was just at the edge of the roof . He took a spear in both hands and started running to the other edge . Just before he reached it , he leapt into the air , brandishing the spear . " Try moving it side to side ! " Sem called from the ground . Gil swung his body from side to side , trying to get the spear out . Then all of a sudden , it came loose . The spear fell from his hand as he landed flat on his back in the grass . Then a translucent jelly - like substance started to fall from the sky . After it rained down , there were stars in the sky like any other normal night . It became very quiet . I imagined a monster mushroom hovering over Tokyo and shuddered . Then I thought that in today 's world , it couldn 't grow to be so big . There wasn 't much room even in the sky . Mr . Force went on . Sem was there by his side when he awoke . This time , their roles had switched . " You slept well . " Sem smiled . " I thought you were dead when I found you on the ground . " " Gil 's too strong to die from a fall like that ! " It was Lulu 's voice . " So we took care of it for good ? " Gil wanted to know . " I hear that the forest is still unusually bright , " Lulu said . Gil left Sem and Lulu there and headed for the forest on his own . He planned to burn and destroy every one of the mushrooms there . On the way , the lion found him . He noticed that he had grown a little in a few days . He got down on his stomach in front of Gil . The lion made a sound in his throat as if to say yes . Gil got on the lion 's back and the animal started walking slowly in the direction of the brook in the forest . The area around the brook was still filled with the bright mushrooms . They seemed to have grown , and some of them were as big as umbrellas . Worse yet , legs were growing out of them , and it looked as if they would start moving around any minute . " Don 't feel too bad , guys , " Gil said to them and lit the fire . The flame burned and melted the mushrooms , turning the brook red in its dancing light . The forest was dark and eerily quiet once again , as if nothing had happened . This latest victory over the mushrooms was such an accomplishment for Gil , because Sem had played such a big role in it . Whatever differences or misunderstandings there had been between them were cleared up now . Gil couldn 't be prouder for him and felt that he could be a great warrior one day . In fact , he wanted to help him become one , often seeking to take Sem out with him . " A man should know how to use a spear . " He put a spear he 'd brought from the palace in Sem 's hand . It was a small spear , easy to use for beginners . " I 'll teach you how to use it " Gil pushed it into Sem 's hand again , but he let go of it . " What 's wrong ? " he said , raising his voice more than he wanted to . He just couldn 't help it . " It 's not for me . It takes people with special talent to use a primitive weapon like this , " Sem said . Gil tried to figure out if that was a compliment or not . But when he looked up , Sem had disappeared . " Hey … Sem ! " he called . But he was gone . Lulu came to Gil as he let out a deep sigh . " . . . Sorry . " Lulu smiled to herself and turned to leave . But she stopped , and said , " I have a piece of advice for you . Don 't push weapons on Sem . He 's not interested . " Lulu turned around and smiled at him . Somehow , it made him uncomfortable , like there was a hidden meaning to her words . He thought that she was trying to say that she spent more time with Sem than with him recently . Of course , Gil knew that she had known him longer than she had known Sem . And he didn 't like that she was trying to say he hardly knew Sem . He tried his best to contain those feelings . " If that 's what you think , fine , " he said brusquely . " But I know that Sem could be a better warrior than most . " He sounded a lot calmer than he 'd expected ; he was glad for that . Gil just couldn 't give up on Sem . He became almost obsessed with the idea of making him into a warrior . It was all one - sided , of course , since Sem showed no interest . But Gil was going to take his father 's place eventually , and he had always imagined having the best warriors at his side when that day came . But so far , he hadn 't found anyone suitable at all . If I could put him in life or death situations . . . he wondered . The encounters with the flying lion , the tornado , and the mushrooms were like that . He visited regularly . Sem was feeling much better nowadays , and he was always outside when Gil visited . But he wasn 't being very active ; he just sat there on the grass staring into the sky . There was a lot to be done around the property but Lulu and her parents feared that hard work would be too much for him . " We don 't want him to get sick again , " Lulu said . " I don 't think this type of work is for him . " Gil thought that were too overprotective of Sem . " But it 's not good for him to sit around all the time and do nothing . " " But he does do something ! He always has good ideas on repairing buildings , and how to make better use of crops after harvest . He doesn 't do physical work , but he proves himself very useful . " Lulu sounded very proud of him . " And he can make things with copper ! " " No one . He knew how already . There are many treasures made of copper in the palace , didn 't you know ? " Then she went on to say that because of Sem , the coppersmiths around the palace are thriving in their business . Gil didn 't know about those treasures at the palace , and he certainly didn 't know what to say to her . It was just as well , since Lulu continued . Gil was fascinated by all the new things Sem came up with : gunpowder and now this " iron " . It made him realize more than ever that there was a lot he didn 't know about Sem . " Sem has the ability to see things we don 't , " Gil pointed out . He remembered when his eyes were closed against the brightness , and Sem became his eyes . And there was that time with the tornado ; he was the only one who could see it . " He can see the things that we can 't … It 's like he has God 's vision … " He wasn 't sure he was expressing himself correctly . " God 's vision ? " Lulu wasn 't sure if those were the right words either . " More like the ' eyes of an angel ' , I 'd say . " She smiled to herself . Gil imagined Sem floating , so pale and translucent . He knew that was the right word to describe Sem : an angel . Whether or not Lulu was satisfied with that , she didn 't say any more , and neither did Gil . " Can I see it ? " " I can 't … It 's not finished yet . " Gil wasn 't ready to stop talking about it . " I want to know more about this ' iron ' . " The walls were lined with cabinets and shelves full of objects that Gil had never seen before . " Wow ! " Gil exclaimed , looking at each object as if taking a mental snapshot . " This is iron . " Gil turned around . Sem was holding a long silver - colored stick in his hand . It was very shiny . " This is a very nice color … " Gil said and stretched out his hand to touch it . " It 's different from silver ? " " All right … " Gil could definitely use his position to take it by force , but he knew that he had to be patient . Sem saw how disappointed he looked . What about Lulu ? Gil thought about her for a minute . It wouldn 't seem natural not to invite Lulu when he invited Sem . Since this would be the first time at the palace for Sem . . . " Please , " he said , more defiant than actually pleading . Gil could tell that he was not going to change his mind . " Well … We need to ask Lulu if that 's okay with her , " he said . " Well , tomorrow 's good then , " Sem said , as if their conversation hadn 't just happened . " So Lulu can 't come for a while . What 's wrong with tomorrow ? " He clearly didn 't want anyone saying otherwise . " I 'm not a child , Gil , " Sem said with a smile . All Gil could say was , " All right . I 'll be waiting for you tomorrow . " " But I must . What would you like me to bring ? " " Well … " The only thing Gil could think of that he wanted . . . " I would like to have that material , iron . " " Oh … Of course . " Sem seemed almost sorry he 'd offered to bring something . Gil didn 't want him to feel so bad about it . " I 'll do my best to bring it for you tomorrow . " Sem was determined , but Gil didn 't want him to work too hard and exhaust himself . He had a better idea - there were many other interesting things in Sem 's workroom . " Maybe you could bring something else from your workroom ? I 'd like that too . " Gil appreciated the effort Sem was making to bring him a gift . He just wished he could have taken a closer look at the things in that workroom . Then a thought came to his mind . The lion pinned Sem to the ground . " Hey ! Stop it ! Get off of him ! " Gil immediately threw himself on the lion 's back . He threw punch after punch at the lion 's head , left , right , left , right . It almost sounded like he was hitting metal instead of an animal 's face . The lion didn 't seem to care that Gil was hitting him . He bared his teeth , ready to bite . Gil quickly hooked his arm around the animal 's neck and tightened his hold . The lion 's snarling weakened and stopped . He rolled off of Sem with Gil still hanging on to him . The beast foamed at the mouth , and soon lost consciousness . Gil got off and punched his face again . " Stupid animal ! " The lion didn 't move . " You … ! " Gil started kicking the lion in the face over and over , out of control . The lion 's face was a mess , bruised and bleeding . Finally , Gil raised his spear , ready to strike the animal . " Did the lion get jealous of Sem ? " It just came to my mind , and I said it aloud without thinking . " You say the funniest thing . " Mr . Force looked at me with a cold gaze . " So the lion was okay ? " " We 'll see about that . " Mr . Force looked far away again as he said it . " He was okay . . . but as I recall , this is where the tragedy begins . " Sem was coming to the palace for a visit . His parents were not too happy about the visitor on such short notice but they agreed to visit with Sem after Gil pleaded with them . It had taken a lot of effort on Gil 's part to prepare everything . He 'd instructed the chefs to prepare delicacies that would suit Sem 's tastes . Sem set out to the palace on his own for the first time . The citizens who lived outside of its district rarely went there , and when they did , the noise and the bustle there were overwhelming for them . But it wasn 't so for Sem . He headed straight to the palace as if he knew exactly where he was going , not paying any attention to his surroundings . Sem wasn 't astonished by the difference between here , where most buildings were made of stone , and where Lulu 's parents ' house was . Rather , he seemed to think that all this seemed foolish and wasn 't for him at all . It was apparent on his face . When Sem reached the palace , he found the lion tied to a pole with a rope . The lion 's face looked terrible from the beating he 'd taken yesterday . As soon as the lion saw Sem , he got up and started growling , baring his teeth . Just like yesterday , the lion lunged at him . The rope was just long enough for the lion to just barely miss him . Sem gave the animal a quick glance and kept going to meet Gil . The guards rushed over to see what had caused the lion to be so upset , but couldn 't figure it out since there was no one nearby . " Thank you for inviting me . " Gil wondered where Sem 's gift was as he welcomed him . He had been looking forward to seeing what Sem would bring for him since last night . But obviously , he had come empty - handed . Even though Gil was disappointed , it didn 't seem right to ask him why he hadn 't brought anything . He wished Sem had never mentioned gifts at all . He couldn 't help but feel bitter . Gil led Sem into the formal viewing room where his parents were waiting . The king sat on his throne and stared at Sem . He didn 't say a word but thought , he looks so frail . . . His displeasure at seeing Sem was apparent on his face . Even the queen didn 't seem to care for her son 's new friend . The boy didn 't look suitable at all to be a friend of the future king . As if Sem sensed their disapproval , he knelt down and bowed halfheartedly , without saying anything . It was very disrespectful behavior toward the king and the queen , and Gil 's heart raced . Gil still wanted to be on Sem 's side . Everyone regarded the king as the sovereign leader and the queen as the goddess . Gil respected his parents , of course . But he wanted to remain friends with Sem . He 'd been of immeasurable help in the trials they 'd faced . He wished that his parents would show some kindness toward his friend . " I hope you 're hungry . I 've had them prepare a feast for you . " As he started to lead Sem out of the room , he heard his mother say , " There 's some kind of disturbance in the forest . Would you two be kind enough to go see what it is ? " Gil wished that she hadn 't asked to do such a thing when he had his friend over for a visit . She 'd always asked him to do things like this and he 'd obeyed her . He didn 't want to refuse the goddess 's wish , but this was not a good time to go check on a minor problem . It was almost like a bad habit of hers . Gil remembered that she had done the same thing to him when Lulu came to visit a long time ago . She 'd told him that there was a giant iguana in the desert and he had to go kill it . Other things like this had happened whenever Lulu visited . Gil knew that he couldn 't refuse orders from his mother ; she was regarded as the goddess . But it was no wonder that Lulu 's visits became less frequent . He had to do something about this . So what does the goddess want me to do now … ? Gil was deep in thought when he heard Sem say , not too excitedly , " Well … I guess we have to go , then . " They headed to the forest . " Wait a minute , please . " I had to interrupt Mr . Force again . " If Gil 's mother was a goddess , does that mean Gil was a Nephilim ? " " Nephilim are born between an angel , a child of God , and a human on Earth . " " I 'm very sorry … " I 'd embarrassed myself again . . . But I just had to ask , " But then , I 'm curious . What is a child born between a goddess and a human ? " " That 's a very good question . " Mr . Force looked at me with his odd eyes that didn 't reflect the smile his mouth gave me at all . He didn 't elaborate . " So what is the child , then ? " I prodded him for an answer . " I 'm sorry you have to go on a stupid errand with me when you 're a palace guest , " Gil said to Sem on the way to the forest . " Your parents don 't like me at all . " Sem sounded angry beneath his otherwise calm tone . Gil stopped short . " It 's not you they don 't like , " he said , trying to make Sem feel better . Sem stopped walking , too , and turned around . He had always handled the ' trials ' thrown upon him by his mother , the goddess . Now he understood that they weren 't really trials but were punishments from God himself . Gil and Sem heard loud splashing . Was it coming from the lake ? There was a monstrous creature with a draconic face in the lake . It had many legs with suction cups on them . The creature seemed to be on a rampage , twisting its body and splashing wildly . Is this a trial or a punishment ? Gil wondered as he approached the devilish creature . I can get him from here , he thought confidently as he reached a suitable distance . He threw his spear . It struck the creature 's eye , but it wasn 't crippled , somehow . Instead , it pulled the spear from its eye and threw it back towards Gil . It landed on the ground nearby , but when he went to retrieve it , the creature spewed ink from its mouth . " I heard about the creature in the lake so I came to see it ! " Lulu held a strange - looking spear in her hand that he had never seen before . It was quite large for a spear , and it had shining silver metal on each side of the head . " Are you going to use that on the creature ? " Gil asked . " No . I brought it for you . " The shiny silver metal looked jaggy and lethal . Gil knew what it was made of . Gil felt the spear . It was a lot lighter than it looked , but the most extraordinary thing happened when he held it . A laser shot out from both sides of the jaggy iron pieces . Gil held on even in the water . He bent the part of the spear where he held in the middle . Holding the other part of the spear , he slowly started toward the creature 's head , crawling up on one of its legs . On dry land , Lulu waited anxiously . The creature was writhing in pain so much that it was splashing water all around the lake . Sem went over to Lulu and watched beside her . The creature tried to pull out the spear with one of its other legs . The spear wouldn 't come out , and the creature continued to writhe violently in pain . Maybe God has a plan to kill me during one of his trials , Gil thought as he held on to the creature . He was making slow progress towards the creature 's head , constantly dipped beneath the water as the creature flailed . He finally reached the creature 's head and stabbed its eye with the other part of the spear with all his might , pushing it as far in as it would go . The creature started twisting and turning even more violently . Gil tried desperately to swim to the shore . It was difficult to get ahead because of the huge waves caused by the creature splashing madly . When he finally got out , the creature pulled out the part of the spear that had pierced its eye . Dark red blood gushed from it . Gil didn 't care if this was a trial or punishment anymore . He 'd come to realize they were pretty much the same thing . Gil was sure this was what Sem had made for him as the gift he 'd promised . He wanted to know why Lulu had the gift that was meant for him , but he couldn 't confront Sem about it with her standing right there . Lulu had told him that she had never been inside of Sem 's workroom . The more he thought , the more he was certain they were keeping a secret from him . This realization was too much for him , especially after what he 'd just been through . " This weapon is quite amazing ! " Gil exclaimed , exaggerating his excitement to antagonize Sem . " A spear with a deadly laser ! " " I knew you would like it , " Sem said with a smile . He obviously didn 't understand the meaning behind Gil 's words , but Gil thought he just pretended not to know what he was talking about . Gil sat down , and started to think . " At this rate , all of Uruk , even the entire country will be swallowed by darkness . " Gil saw a patch of dark shadow moving around his feet and quickly drew his knife and stabbed it . The shadow disappeared in an instant . " Wait , Gil ! " Sem called , but Gil didn 't turn around . " You can overcome the evil from the demon ! You are the only one who can save us ! " Sem kept yelling these words over and over until he collapsed , exhausted . " I don 't think I can do it … " he whispered . Lulu didn 't even hear it . She stood there in total shock and disbelief . When Gil emerged from the forest , he found the lion waiting for him . There was a bloodstained rope around the animal 's neck . " You want to come along ? " he asked and the lion rubbed against his leg . Gil cut the rope from his neck and the two headed towards the desert . " It 's not a big deal . Why are you so shocked by this ? " Mr . Force looked at me , exasperated . " We all have to get away sometimes to find ourselves . Don 't you do that as well ? " " I don 't know … " I wasn 't convinced at all by his explanation , even if he sounded absolutely certain of it . I felt that there was a different purpose for Gil taking on a journey . " Ha ! " Mr . Force 's laugh sounded bitter . He rubbed the corners of his eyes tiredly and said , " I don 't think anybody can find this ' God ' in two years . It 's not that easy . " " … Oh , it must have been the opposite then ! Gil went away before the darkness swallowed up everything , the city , the palace , the country … " This time I was sure I was on the right track and waited for Mr . Force 's nod of approval . But he just said , " You only want to see things in black or white . Or rather , right or wrong . " " … So my answers are wrong ? " " I 'm not saying that you are wrong at all . But for Gil , taking off for just two years didn 't solve anything . He couldn 't run away from this ' God ' , for sure . " At that moment , I thought I saw a peculiar red right that flashed in Mr . Force 's eyes . " I got it ! Gil went off to find out why this ' God ' hated him . " " If you 'd just keep your mouth shut and let me tell you the rest of the story … " Two years passed since Gil left Uruk . Everywhere he went , the voices of the demon followed , tormenting him . He cried out for an answer every time ; was it a trial or a punishment ? At first , Gil climbed high up into the mountains , trying to get closer to God . When he 'd climbed higher than the clouds in the sky , he came upon a giant dragonfly with wings that gathered snow and wind into blizzards where it flew . It was as vicious as the snail - tornado . The only weapon he had was a spear but somehow he was able to kill the dragonfly with it . Gil couldn 't see or sense God 's presence at all , not even when he 'd reached the tops of the highest mountains . So he went out into the ocean on a boat . He tried to row himself out to the end of the ocean , if there was an end at all . One day , he was out in the middle of the water when a sea dragon attacked . It was as monstrous as the creature in the lake . He managed to dispose of it as well . Gil decided then , if Heaven wouldn 't give him answers he 'd seek them in The Darkness instead . He searched caves , looking for its entrance . He was in a cave one time , crawling further and further into its dark depths , testing how far he could go . He disturbed a giant mole living there , and had to wrestle with it . He thought about continuing on , but he realized that he just didn 't know enough about The Darkness and beyond to find any answers there . He had grown into a young man since he left Uruk two years ago . He had fought with whatever came his way through the entire journey . Did he gain or learn anything from this ? One thing was clear to Gil now . His existence . That was it , very simple . Because he existed , there were trials . It wasn 't the other way around . He was certain now that he wouldn 't find the answers that he was looking for roaming around like this . He just didn 't know what to do next . " What should I do ? " He needed to go back home , back to Uruk . In order to take on such a long journey , he 'd have to abandon all his possessions . The problem was that , geographically , he had no idea where he was at all . He thought that if he could at least get to the desert where he started , he 'd eventually make it back . So he and the lion stepped back into the desert . Even before the first day in the desert ended , Gil became dehydrated and had to stop for rest . The second day didn 't go so well either . He and the lion rested all day in the shade of a tree and at night , they started walking again . His legs became too fatigued soon after and he had to let the lion carry him . The lion had aged since he 'd taken on this journey with Gil . All the traveling was hard on the animal . He 'd lost the ferociousness he once had , and he had lost a lot of weight . He had just barely enough strength left to carry Gil on his back . Gil felt delirious as he rode on the lion 's back . He almost wished that God would strike him dead now so he didn 't have to be tormented by the demons anymore . He didn 't really care about the trials or the punishments anymore . But he couldn 't take his own life ; to do so was to admit that he had lost . He 'd come this far ; he 'd fight to the very end . " I won 't run and hide anymore . If God wants me dead , so be it . " Gil waited for death to come and take him away . But nothing happened . He and the lion kept going into the desert . It had already been a few days since they 'd started on the journey back . Both Gil and the lion became weary and emaciated . Gil became no more than a burden on the lion 's back . He was thirsty and hungry . Even the lion was on the verge of collapsing . His legs were unsteady ; he could hardly walk . He stumbled and fell on the sand with Gil on his back . They were buried in sand every time the lion collapsed . No matter how hard he looked , all he saw was the desert sands around him . He wanted to know what this ' presence ' was . Gil looked down at his feet all of a sudden , thinking it was one of those dark shadows . But there was nothing there . Gil thought at first that this man was sent from above to take him up . But he carried no weapons and seemed unafraid . Gil didn 't know what to say , realizing that he wasn 't here to take him . If he 's not here to kill me , then … Is this a trial of some sort ? Gil readied his spear on wobbly feet . He didn 't look intimidating . " . . . Ah , you want to take me down ? " The man seemed more amused than surprised , looking relaxed despite the spear pointed at him . " I 'm closer to you than God is right now . " The man looked straight at Gil , and he noticed that he had very unusual eyes . They were quite beautiful , almost translucent . Gil couldn 't help but stare into them for a few seconds . " Are you here to give me a punishment or a trial ? " he finally asked the man . " It 'd be no use to attack me with that . " The man didn 't seem afraid of the spear or Gil . He went on to ask Gil a question . " I need to ask you … Do you remember this face ? " Gil stared at the man 's face closely . He was sure he 'd never seen him before . " … Who 's this girl you 're talking about ? " " My eyes hold the answers . " His callous attitude and his strange words made Gil even more anxious . The man glared at him with his odd - colored eyes . " Ah , you really don 't know , do you ? " The man seemed satisfied for once and his expression relaxed . " Never mind . I was sent to check on you . That 's all . " " I told you it wouldn 't be any use . " Even though the spear was stuck in him , the man didn 't appear to be in any pain . Gil couldn 't believe his eyes . Gil collapsed . His body was wasting and his mind was fragile . He couldn 't stand any more of this . How long would he have to go on searching for answers , looking into faces of ghosts ? When Gil came to , he found himself half - buried in sand . His entire body was covered in it , even his eyelashes . Even though he didn 't think he could move anymore , he slowly lifted himself up on an arm , just enough to see the morning fog parting to show buildings in the distance . It was Uruk , his home . He could see the palace and the houses that surrounded it . Further in the distance , he could see the cliff where he first saw the flying lion and later fought off the snail - tornado . Somehow , he managed to pull himself to his feet . He brushed the sand from his face and eyes and looked again in the direction of what he was sure was just a mirage . All of a sudden , he realized that he wasn 't imagining the city in front of him . It was real . It was really Uruk . Then he found the lion lying in the sand not far from him . One of Gil 's spears protruded from the lion 's body and there was a pool of blood around him . " No ! " Gil dropped to his knees beside the lion 's body and pulled the animal into his arms . He felt the animal 's neck and put his cheek against his face . The lion felt cold in Gil 's arms . Dawn was breaking in Uruk . On Lulu 's parents ' property , a new building stood next to Sem 's workroom . Inside , Sem and Lulu slept side by side . Lulu had grown into a young woman from a girl since Gil left two years ago . Sem , on the other hand , still looked like a boy , unchanged . Far away , the earth faintly rumbled . It was so quiet it would have been hard to detect from where Sem and Lulu slept , but Sem heard it and opened his eyes immediately . Sem saw that nothing was amiss and let out a sigh of relief . There was a twisted smile on his face that he never showed before . It was a smile that would have made anybody uncomfortable . He watched Lulu still asleep , oblivious to the rumbling noise and his gaze . Then , he noticed a slight movement around the hem of Lulu 's garment . He reached over and pulled the hem back . A creature about the size of his little finger crawled out from under it . " Ah , I remember you … " Sem whispered . The little creature had eyes and lips like a person . He stared at Sem with his mouth wide open . " You came to see me , right … ? " Sem said to the little creature . Sem stood there , his eyes still closed . He stretched his arms out to the side , and the Nephilim jumped from his shoulder , startled by the sudden movement . The noise of the earth 's rumbling reached Sem . The earth 's surface made waves as if it was an ocean , and when the waves ceased , a black hole opened in front of him . The Nephilim was afraid , shaking . " There 's nothing to be afraid of , " Sem said to him . " I have just been awakened . " He smiled at the little creature , and put his hand out for him again . The Nephilim climbed into his hand , no longer afraid . As the sun rose , they vanished into the darkness . She was sure she had heard it , but now there was no sign of it at all . The noise came from when the black hole had closed after Sem and the Nephilim went into it , but of course she had no way of knowing that . She just felt really strange , like that time when she was in the desert so long ago . She remembered the shadow of the man dressed in black . . . The noise was electronically generated . It was the same noise that Lulu had heard in the desert so long ago . She strained to listen for more . " Too bad they got away . Forget it … No use telling me about it . Not going to solve anything . " At first she thought that Sem was meeting someone there . But she 'd never seen Sem let anybody in his workroom and she doubted that he would see anyone at this hour anyway . She went over to Sem 's workroom and peered inside quietly . There was no one there . It had been quite some time since she 'd seen the inside of his workroom . Lulu forgot about the strange noise and the voices , and surveyed the objects in Sem 's workroom thoughtfully . The very first time she had been inside was when Sem had accidentally left the door open and she sneaked in . The second time was the day she would never forget . It was the day Gil left two years ago . " I 've made this amazing weapon for Gil , " Sem had told her . " It 's called ' Baaz ' and there 's a switch to activate a laser when he holds it . Please give it to him when he really needs something like this . " Then he left to go visit Gil at the palace . Later on , Lulu heard there was trouble at the lake in the forest . The new weapon came to mind immediately and she went into Sem 's workroom where it was kept . He had kept his room locked normally , but that day it was unlocked . She grabbed Baaz and headed to the lake , knowing that Gil would be there . And now she was in this room again for the third time . For the first time in two years . She was taken by an object large enough to occupy the entire back wall of the workroom . It had two wheels attached to its front , and they turned in the same direction , winding a long , thin strip of tape between them . " Lulu … " She was startled by Sem 's voice . " I can 't see or touch you anymore but … " Sem 's voice seemed to come from the wall where the strange object was . " What are you saying , Sem ? " Lulu opened the window near the wall and stuck her head out to find Sem , but he wasn 't outside . " We 'll meet again someday . " She realized that his voice came from the object on the wall . How was this possible ? Lulu couldn 't believe that she was hearing Sem 's voice from the wall . She waited for him to speak . " Sem ? " She ran to the door . In the doorway stood a man in a filthy , ragged garment . A dead lion was draped around his neck . There were stars still shining faintly in the early morning sky . " Our people should be coming down soon , " Sem said to the Nephilim . " We are going to build our dream home here . . . I too , will prevail . " Mr . T spoke from right next to me on the sofa . Mr . Force didn 't appear surprised or excited by Mr . T being there with us at all . " It 's my job to be observant , " Mr . Force said lightly , with a twinkle in his two - colored eyes . " I , ah . . . " I was so confused by the current situation that I couldn 't say anything . I had been in this room with Mr . Force and no one else … and I had forgotten about Mr . T lying under the shelf in a pool of blood . " I told you that was going to be okay , " Mr . Force said . " I 've friends up there close to God . They take care of stuff like what happened to Mr . T earlier . " I could tell there was more to it than that . I just didn 't know what it was . I just couldn 't stop staring at Mr . T 's face , it was like seeing a ghost . But there was no use thinking too hard about it now . " So what happened to Gil next ? " I asked . The room 's atmosphere began to change . Both Mr . Force and Mr . T looked at me as if I had asked the most ridiculous question . " You 've never read ' The Epic of Gilgamesh ' before ? " Mr . Force asked . " Oh . . . Then , Gil was … " I felt like I 'd just committed the worst crime of the century . " It 's all right . I 'll look over his work and make sure that everything is satisfactory , " Mr . T said , quickly dismissing that for something that obviously concerned him more . He raised his voice . " But why are you here ? " Mr . Force sensed my distress . " … Never mind . I don 't want to end this on an unpleasant note . " He smiled at me and continued . " But you need not be so ignorant about things . " " We are in the middle of an interview . " It was obvious that it was just an excuse to avoid talking to whomever was calling him . Then he said abruptly , " I didn 't realize how late it is already ! " Mr . T was being rude and antagonistic towards Mr . Force . I thought we 'd at least celebrate the end of the interview with a drink or two . Apparently , Mr . Force felt the same . I didn 't understand . A while ago , Mr . T had called Mr . Force a ' puppet ' . And now Mr . Force himself referred to Mr . Force as ' he ' . " Okay , " I mumbled . In truth , I 'd already forgotten about it . I was more concerned with who this man who claimed to be Mr . Force was . As I stared at the light , all of a sudden I couldn 't remember what Mr . Force looked like anymore . I couldn 't remember his face , his eyes . . . It was as if the red light had erased my memory of him . " It 's a wrap ! " Mr . T said , and he left . I was left in utter confusion . When I got home I put the voice recorder on ' replay ' . It recorded that I found Mr . T lying dead under a shelf in a pool of blood . It didn 't make sense at all . Even the story about Gil , Lulu , and Sem had left a lot of questions to be answered . It was going to take a great deal of time to sort it all out . I stopped the voice recorder for now , though , and started my research on Gilgamesh online . " Wait a minute … " I said aloud , realizing it would be better for me to find out who Mr . Force was first . A man walked through one of the deserted back streets of downtown Tokyo . He was dressed all in black . Supposedly , he was Mr . Force , but he seemed a completely different person now compared to the jovial one at the interview . There was desperation written on his face . A gust of cold wind blew from the north and flung open his coat to reveal a big hole in his chest . The hole wasn 't bleeding , and it was questionable if his face showed any sign of pain . Any ordinary person would have been dead already with a hole like that in his chest , but he kept walking with his odd - colored eyes fixed steadily ahead of him . Eventually , he disappeared into the darkness . He wasn 't the same Mr . Force from the meeting . . . " Lord Devil , I 've come to escort you . " " You 've got the wrong guy . " He smirked . " You must be Astaroth . " The little human with wings didn 't know what to say . " Hahaha . . . " " Force " felt no pain from the flames . " Game over for me . I 've worked for 4600 years . This fellow I knew , Enk was his name , he only had to work for four and a half ! " I 'm Takeyasu , the author of the novel . It has been quite a challenge to write the novel . I want to thank you for reading it to the end . Many thanks and apologies to Mr . Ohtake . I 've called for his assistance and support almost every night until the novel was finished . And I kindly ask for your continued support in the future . ( The producer of El Shaddai , Mr . Kimura always says , " Please , Please . " ) The ideas for this novel came from when I was talking to one of my colleagues at El Shaddai . I was introduced to the editor there by Ignition . The editor , Mr . Inagaki , would never have imagined that the story would turn out the way it did , I 'm sure . ( Laughs ) So this is how I got this job , writing a novel . Even when I had a job as a production assistant , the ideas of mythology started to take root in my head . So I told Mr . Inagaki that it wasn 't about El Shaddai , but a story based on mythology in which that I 'll write about and he okayed me almost instantly . There was another reason for my decision to write this mythology - based story . The idea of the story began to take its shape in my head about a year ago … I was still working on the production of websites for CRIM and I 'd created a website based on the mythology - based story . But I always had the feeling that it would be better for my story to take place in a novel or comic book or even a game . In the end , I never published the website . When I started working on the novel it was difficult to decide which concept I should go with . I had so many ideas about the story in my head . At first , I thought about writing a story related to the Old Testament in the Holy Bible , for example , about Noah , Samuel , Ezekiel or Solomon . Then I had another idea of writing a made - up story about devils and demons . It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to write in the novel . And finally , I decided to write a story based on " The Epic of Gilgamesh " , an epic poem of Mesopotamia which was amongst the first surviving works of literature . I wanted the readers to expand their imagination as they read my story . I 'm sure you 'll understand what I mean by this later on . And this is how the concept of the story came to be and Gideon is the very first part of it . The Old Testament is very well known outside of Japan . I 'm hoping that my story would be as well known to people in Japan as the Old Testament is to the rest of the world . Gideon means " destroyer " or " mighty warrior " in Hebrew . In this novel , the main characters were Gil , Lulu , Sem , and Mr . Force . The story revolves around Gil 's existence in the novel . As with the Old Testament of the Bible , the characters come and go and some of the stories seem or don 't seem to make sense . The same goes with my story and more you read it , more questions and imaginations you are left with . I write in a way so that you are left with your own answers and imaginations . It has a hard shell with thorn - like spikes that it uses for breathing . It also produces and emits the tornado - like storm from the spikes . The air that it breathes out is very hot in temperature , considering the fact that its shell kept near freezing temperature . It has long , veil - like fins on its sides and they reflect the universe as they move . On the dragon 's stomach , there are hundreds of worms that protect the dragon 's body by devouring enemies on contact . The worms sing as they open their mouths for their prey . When the monster dragon is pregnant , the worms work especially hard to protect the dragon 's body from attack . Sign up to rate and review this story |
South African Airways was pleasant . Debra sat near the window with Bob next to her , and Sue sat across from Bob . I sat behind Bob . Next to me was a Princeton grad working for the U . N . in Dakar on nutrition for women and children . I slept fitfully , even with an Ambien CR . I had a lousy cold with a very runny nose . It was easy going through customs . Heather wasn 't at the airport when we arrived . Sue pointed to a young woman at an ATM machine , saying that she was Heather . We called , but she didn 't turn around . I walked up to her and said , " Bonjour . " It wasn 't Heather ! A man hung around me , telling me where to go and what to do . Heather appeared , finally . Wonderful , wonderful , wonderful holding her , kissing her , looking at her , touching her ! ! She tried negotiating for a taxi ; finally we got in for 10 , 000 CFA , probably too much . I think Bob gave $ 5 to the man who was hanging around us . The taxi was old and decrepit . The road was unpaved for much of the way from the airport to Dakar , but it appears that workmen are working on it . The drive was harrowing , especially for Sue , who sat in front and watched all the dangerous - appearing swerves . The hotel , Hotel Farid , was fine - - two beds , hot water , toilet paper , toilet . We walked and walked . The streets are filthy with dirt , sand , dust , trash . People are hawking Orange phone cards , t - shirts , crafts , many other things . We stopped at a nice pastry and sandwich shop . We tried to find a specific restaurant that had been recommended to Heather but couldn 't . We finally ate lunch in a pizza , crepe , and salad coffee shop . I couldn 't eat much but wanted to have a full stomach for the malaria drug , Malerone , that I had to take daily . At lunch Heather described her work for Bob , Sue , and Debra . We changed money at Western Union - - 480 , 000 , the best rate found so far for the dollar ( about $ 2 for every CFA [ pronounced " say - fah " ] ) . Bob put $ 70 worth of CFA in his shirt pocket , and it was stolen . Two men tugged on his pants . As he pushed their hands away , maybe someone else reached into his pocket . He didn 't feel it at all . That 's exactly what was described in a three - year - old paper for U . S . government workers that Sue found online . It happened on a street known for pickpockets . People were delighted and surprised when Heather asked for help in Pulaar . Men went out of their way to take us places and were very pleasant . Did they want money ? We didn 't know and didn 't give . Two men we spoke with said that they didn 't like Dakar . Cars just go forward , irregardless of pedestrians , and crossing streets is frightening . Heather and I tried to follow locals as they crossed the street . There are very few traffic signals . Heather and I were about to go out together for some food ( even though I felt that I wouldn 't be able to eat ; my stomach was upset , and my nose was terribly stuffed ) when the Bob Coles knocked . They were on their way to a restaurant , so Heather went with them . I was pleased not to have to go out . I felt lousy - - migraine , maybe a little fever , stuffy nose . Goree Island was used as an exit point for slaves to Europe and America . There was a door exiting to the rocks on the ocean shore through which people walked onto the dock and then onto the slave ships . Very sad ! They were kept in small rooms for three to four months and then shipped off . About 1 , 300 people live on the lovely island . There 's an elementary school on the island , and thereafter children take the ferry to Dakar daily for school . I suspect wealthy people live there . I bought a necklace for myself , and Heather bought three necklaces as gifts . I also bought postcards , stamps , and a t - shirt for Jim . In the evening we walked to a lovely French restaurant , Oizo , for dinner . There were mostly white people in the restaurant . We sat for three hours , laughing , relaxing , and talking . 5 am wakeup call . Into the SUV and off by 6 : 20 . The driver hired was supposed to speak English but barely did . Heather communicated with him in Pulaar . We sat one in front , two in the middle , and two in back . It was very cramped with no leg room in back , and the back door kept opening . Finally we changed to three in the middle and one in back , and that worked much better . We alternated sitting in front , the choice seat . The back door banged and banged . Poor Bob sat in the back a good deal of the way . The country is dusty , windy , and looks very very poor . The road is pitted with deep wide potholes . The driver drove around them , between them , onto the shoulder , and into the left lane . Heather is standing in one of the thousands of potholes . Very many were deeper and larger . We stopped at a little restaurant along the way . Only Heather and I ate . She told me later that she was proud of me for being willing to eat . After 10 - 1 / 2 hours , we finally finally finally arrived at the hotel , just outside of Tambacounda , Relais de Tampa . It was lovely with a pool , flowers , trees . They all swam in the cold pool while I showered . Heather , Sue , Debra , and I played Boggle , Debra by far the best , I by far the worst . Left the hotel about 8 am for Wassalou . We picked up a man at the hotel we 'd be staying at and drove to Nickolo Koba , the national park , for an all - day safari . There we got on a truck in the back , sitting with two of us and the guide on one side facing out and three people on the other side . Lunch was prepared for us . We sat on mats and ate carrots , hard boiled eggs , bread , tuna fish , green beans , bananas , and water . It was a light , delicious meal . Lunch After eating , we walked down to the Gambia River and saw many animals in it . It was delightful . There were soldiers where we stopped for lunch . One , in English , told me that he went to school in Saint Louis , north of Dakar . He 's been in the army four years . The soldiers work in the park , guarding it because people come in wanting to hunt . They also count the animals and do work in the park , including setting fires near the roads to clear the brush so that people on safari can see the animals in the distance better . Wherever we went , people were surprised and delighted that Heather spoke Pulaar . It was fortunate for us that she did , because our guide , who was wonderful , didn 't know English . Heather couldn 't understand everything he said , but she was able to translate enough for us to understand his explanations . He told us that he grew up in the park . There were many small villages , but when the government decided to turn the area into a park , the people were paid and forced to leave , even though they didn 't want to go . ( Eminent domain in Senegal ! ) There was a shaky narrow bridge high above the Gambia River . We saw people walking across it , and Debra and Heather wanted to go . I think Bob and Sue were willing to let them cross , but I was terrified and absolutely refused . Bob walked a few steps onto it . After 6 pm we went to Hotel Wassadou . Dinner was pleasant in the hotel 's outdoor restaurant . Bob and Sue had one large round hut , Debra had one , and Heather and I had one . It was charming with a straw pointy roof . But no hot water ! Heather and I were talking - - I was telling her about a TV story in which a canopy bed lowered to kill someone [ the mosquito nets on our beds reminded me of it ] - - when the lights went out . Up to that point we had been laughing and laughing . Then she told me that she was terribly afraid . At a beach in Senegal some months earlier , someone had removed the screen from the window where she and other Peace Corps volunteers had been staying . In our hut , there was a large window with only a screen , no shutters or glass . We talked for a time longer , and she felt better and went to sleep . The key to the hut was attached to a flashlight , and Jim had packed one for me , so we each had one within reach inside our mosquito nets . Our driver , Ibrahami , wanted to leave at 6 am for Kolda . We told him 11 am , and he seemed quite annoyed , but Heather cajoled him , and finally he agreed . We left about 10 : 45 . The drive was horrible much of the way . The potholes were so big and so many that we rode on the shoulder part of the way and were swerving left and right constantly to avoid the holes . The driver was excellent . We stopped at a school for the disabled in Dabo . No one was there , but we walked around inside . It 's neat , clean , nice , cheerful . On the blackboard in the classroom was a conjugation of a French verb , written in a clear beautiful handwriting . The paths outdoors were lined with painted white rocks . Debra explained that those would help people with no or low vision . We saw a broken bicycle with hand pedals . We arrived at Heather 's compound , where she was greeted loudly and very warmly , " Dienabou ! Dienabaou ! Dienabou ! " [ Pronounced Jennaba or Jennabou . Her full name is Dienabou Ba . ] Her mother , Njoom , hugged her and made a fuss over her , as did many others . Heather introduced us , and her mother put out her hand for me to shake , but I hugged her instead . We spent a long time greeting people and then went into Heather 's hut . Heather 's hut . The sign is for the upcoming presidential election . The blue pieces on the roof are the remnants of the tarp that was put over the leaky roof during the rainy season . The walls are painted blue , and the floor is cement except for some tiles in the living room and by the shower . At one point Sue said , " Now I feel so much better about your living here , " but I had to turn away because there were tears in my eyes . I certainly didn 't feel better . It brought home to me how far Heather is from me . Heather had hung on the walls of her hut pictures that children had made for her , colorful fabric , cuttings from seed packets , a star chart , magazine clippings , flowers , and other decorations . Also on the wall are termite growths ( which her mother scraped off with a knife [ at my insistence to Heather ] and I swept up ) , water streaks from the rainy season when water poured in , and places where paint came off . The cement floor has cracks , chips , and hole . A furniture maker made all her bamboo furniture to her specifications . We had a tour of the mother 's house : a front living space , a living room , a bedroom for herself and one for her daughter , and a warren of other bedrooms . Her daughter , Nene , about 30 years old , is absolutely gorgeous and has a 12 - year - old boy and a 3 - week - old baby girl , Binta . She nurses her , holds her , carries her wrapped on her back . She has her greatly overdressed . She has a nice net - covered sleeping holder for the baby . Ibrahami kindly drove us to Heather 's house and waited for us , so we didn 't stay very long . Heather picked up some clothing , and she discussed lunch for us the next day with Naynay ( the mother ) . We decided on yassa poulet with two chickens , and Heather paid her 10 , 000 CFA , most likely much much too much for the meal , but that 's what Naynay asked for . We were driven to the hotel and invited the driver to join us for lunch . Our room had a single bed and a king - size bed . We slept in the big bed together , and it was fine . The air conditioning made us cold through the night . There was one knob on the sink , so we knew there was only cold water . However , there were two knobs in the tub , so we had hope for a hot shower . When Heather had come to the hotel earlier to check it out , she had seen the two knobs and was sure that I would be happy . Alas , nothing came out when the left knob was turned . I had told Heather during the ride to the hotel that if there were no hot water , we would leave Kolda with the Coles in their car . I had already had one cold shower , in Wassadou , and I had great trouble washing my upper body . Yet we didn 't leave with the Coles and stayed until Thursday morning . We had dinner in the hotel , and then all the others went to an Internet cafe and to buy bottled water . I went to the room and showered . I couldn 't put the shower head on the wall above me because there was no curtain . Instead , I held the shower head and rubbed in on me . The friction helped me tolerate the cold , and in fact the water wasn 't horribly cold . I washed my hair and rinsed it . The soapsuds in the tub were colored reddish from the road , so I had to wash it again . The rest of the shower wasn 't so bad , and I felt great being clean ! Sun . , Jan . 7 We had breakfast at the bean sandwich lady 's stand - - delicious bread ( tappalappa ) , beans in sauce inside the bread to make the sandwich , and keenkillyba ( a delicious hot pink milkshake made of boiled leaves , sugar , and powdered milk ) . Bob was the only one who didn 't order a sandwich . We sat on benches in her stall . The sandwich came wrapped in a sheet from an Arabic newspaper , and when we were finished , we crumpled up the paper and dropped it on the ground under the table . Jenny is a Peace Corps volunteer who 's been in the country almost two years and will be finishing her service in April . She and Heather have become very close , and Heather is extremely sad that Jenny will be leaving . Jenny showed us around her garden , in which she uses different techniques . We pulled up water from her well , which has a pulley to make it easier to use . She explained that the water is relatively close to the surface , about eight meters down . Her father , Alpha , a teacher in the elementary school , came to greet us . We saw Jenny 's compound , her small , neat building ( rectangular with a tin roof [ very very hot during the hot season ] ) , and her bunnies . She raises them for food and has slaughtered at least one herself . Her father picked lots of oranges for us from the tree in his compound . On the inside perimeter are boutiques , little shops which sell rice , onions , potatoes , sanitary pads , clothing , shoes . On the outside are boutiques with household supplies - - buckets , rope , soap , bowls , bathroom and kitchen supplies , fabric . Men walk around the market selling folded fabric that they carry on their heads . The aisles are very very narrow , and people just slowly move forward ; there 's no waiting turns , and it somehow works . Jenny led us through the market , and Heather was in the rear to be sure that the six of us stayed together . After returning to the hotel for a short time , Ibrahami drove us to Heather 's compound for lunch . He refused to stay , even though he had been invited . Bob played with the children , flipping coins , and they all gathered around him and adored him . Lunch was an interesting experience . Heather had given us an eating lesson , so we were somewhat prepared . The family sat around one big bowl on a straw mat , and we sat around another one . Before walking onto the mat , we took off our shoes , and Naynay gave us a bowl of water for rinsing our hands . In the big metal food bowl was yassa poulet , consisting of onions , potatoes , chicken , and rice mixed with spices in a wonderful sauce . It was delicious ! Even Bob , who expected to eat almost nothing , enjoyed it . Of course we ate only with our right hands . Scoop some food up with the fingers , roll it in the palm into a ball , and pop it in the mouth . Naturally the hand is coated with rice and sauce . I made a few balls , and then Heather brought me a spoon . What relief ! After lunch Bob played ball with the boys in the street just outside the compound , and the others played card games ( spit and another game ) with the children inside the compound . Heather supplied the cards . Heather had taught the children to play spit and Uno using regular cards . Debra taught Aliu , a cheerful boy of about 12 years old , how to do a card trick , and he caught on quickly . Naynay gave us individual small plastic bags of bissop juice . We couldn 't drink it , although Heather can at this point in her stay in Senegal . She boiled it for us , and it was delicious . Naynay asked us if we wanted tea . It was brought to us in small cups , one cup at a time - - sweet , hot , strong tea . A little later she told Heather to pay her 200 CFA ( about 40 cents ) for the tea . After sitting around in the compound for a while , we got ready for Heather 's women 's group . It 's a group of about 40 women who meet every Sunday evening for socializing , a light meal , and a lottery in which everyone eventually wins . Money is put into the pot every week . One woman 's name is drawn , and the next week she hosts the meeting , gets the money , and prepares the food . No one can win twice until everyone has won once . The president of the group collects the money and keeps the books . Bob was loaned a top and pants to wear . The women wore complet ( Heather pronounces is " compolais " ) , skirts with matching tops and head scarves . Heather laid out three of her own complet , and Sue chose one of them . Naynay put out three , and Debra and I each chose one of hers . Heather showed us how to wrap the skirts , and one of the girls spent a great deal of time with each of us wrapping our head scarves . After many photos , we all walked to a nearby compound for the meeting of the women 's group . The women sat in one large circle . Special chairs were brought for us , and we sat , smiled , and shook hands as Heather introduced us . Heather brought the group photo from a previous special meeting when everyone wore the same complet . The women loved seeing it and passed it around repeatedly . There was a large tape player with lively music . All of us visitors got up to dance along with many of the Senegalese women , and it was fun dancing in the middle . Heather and I hooked elbows and swung around as though we were square dancing . After a while a food bowl was placed at our feet . There was one water bowl for rinsing hands . I was the first one to put my hands into the water , so it wasn 't dirty or greasy yet . Heather got a spoon for me , so I didn 't eat with my hand at all . Ugh ! The food was awful . We were served follari , which is made of boiled pounded leaves from the hibiscus plant served over rice . Jenny and Nick sympathized with us when they heard what we had been served . When it was clear that we were finished , others ate from our bowl . Naynay told Heather as we were sitting there that she should have brought kola nuts for everyone because we visitors were there . It 's customary to bring a gift as a new person to the area . Of course she hadn 't suggested this to Heather earlier so that she would have had time to buy them . She suggested that since Heather hadn 't brought the nuts , she should give 2 , 000 - 3 , 000 CFA to the president for the group . Heather gave Naynay 2 , 000 CFA because none of us had a 1 , 000 CFA to add to it . After she handed the money to the president , while Heather was standing nearby , she said to Heather , " See , I 'm not eating your money , " meaning I 'm not stealing . Of course she is , just not in this instance ! ! After we changed back into our own clothing , Naynay , to Heather 's shock , gave us the three complet , and we took two taxis to the Peace Corps house . When Bob , Sue , and Debra first got into their taxi , the driver and the person sitting next to him jumped out , and a new driver got in and drove away . Sue was sure that this was the end of them . When we arrived , they were there , safe and sound . Also there were Jenny and Nick . Heather cooked okra and onions , and Jenny brought a watermelon . We sat for a few hours outdoors talking and laughing . It was so much fun ! Walking toward the road to get a taxi , I slipped and skinned my knee . I was terrified that it would become infected , but it was fine . ( I couldn 't use the local water to wash it , but Heather had an antiseptic cream . ) We put the Coles in a taxi , and Heather , Jenny , and I got into another one with Jenny 's bike in the trunk . A police officer stopped the taxi for a time . We took Jenny to her home - - she can 't bike home after dark ( too deserted , too dark ) , and her host father came out to meet her with a large flashlight . On our way to the hotel , Heather asked the taxi driver why the officer had stopped the taxi . He said that it was because the bike was sticking out of the trunk and that he was fined 500 CFA . Heather gave him a 500 CFA tip ( no tipping in Senegal ) , and he told Heather that whenever she needs a taxi , she should get him . After breakfast , included with the room , we went to Heather 's garden and met Seck , who works there . His plants look very good - - lettuce , tomato , potato , eggplant , mint , cabbage , pepper , and more . But he hadn 't watered Heather 's plants while she was away , and they weren 't doing well . At one point she seemed puzzled and annoyed , and later she explained that he had almost discarded young plants that she 's been planning to use . We went to the bank to get money . Bob 's MasterCard didn 't go through , but his Visa card , as mine , was fine . When Heather told the man in the little office we were brought into that I wanted 300 , 000 CFA , he asked her three times if that 's what I really wanted - - a lot of money . Our numbers were called at the teller area , and Bob and I stood together . The teller was businesslike and distant with Bob as he dispensed the cash . Then it was my turn , and Heather spoke Pulaar to him . He smiled and chatted with her . What a difference ! The first evening that Heather and I were having dinner at Hotel Hobbe , we saw a man walk in with a long flat case . We speculated that it could be a keyboard and perhaps we would have live music . I suppose the waiter heard us . He 's a hunter , he explained . Whatever he shoots , he brings to the hotel for cooking . Would we like some ? No ! ! Each evening we saw the men coming back from their hunts . One morning we saw a hunter hurrying out to catch up with the others . Heather sympathized with him , since she 's often in a similar position . I called to him , " Bon chance , " and quietly added , " to the animals . " After breakfast at the hotel , we looked for tablecloth fabric at the market . I saw that I wanted wax , a type of design , but I didn 't know how much to buy . We bought large white radishes , okra , eggplant , and rice in the market . Heather held my hand so that I could move along with her and not get separated . We took a taxi to her compound to get her laptop computer for Jenny to use in the Peace Corps house for writing her close of service ( COS ) report and then to the Peace Corps house . Heather put the computer in a bag so that the people in the compound wouldn 't see it . It 's not they don 't know that she has a computer , but she doesn 't want to remind them or flaunt it . Heather and Jenny cooked lunch , and we had a delicious meal . Soon Alexis came . She lives in a village about an hour 's bike ride away . The four of us sat for a few hours talking and laughing . It was delightful ! Jenny stopped by the hotel to bring a large bag of her things for me to bring back and mail to her home in Maine . She also brought envelopes to mail . When she left the U . S . , postage was 37 cents . I assured her that I 'd add the 2 cent stamps . She sat with us through breakfast , and I said goodbye to her . We paid our complete bill and seemed to get a discount - for what , we didn 't know . Of course we paid in cash . No one outside of Dakar accepts credit cards . The bill came to around 140 , 000 CFA , about $ 280 for five nights and three meals . Then it was visiting day for us . First we visited with the bamboo furniture maker . He has his furniture outside his shop and across the street along the road as well . He showed me photographs of what he 's made . So nice ! We stayed for about 45 minutes talking . Then it was on the Sorna 's house . She 's about 19 years old and walks a long distance to school each day . As we were sitting in her compound , in walked the sheep . They were coming home to eat the leftovers from lunch , which had just ended . The people in the compound had eaten on mats outdoors , and the sheep seemed to know exactly when it was time for them to clean up . The more you respect a person , the more greetings there will be . They are said very quickly . Naynay asked me many of these questions , as well as questions specific to me , such as how is America , and I responded " jam tan " to each one . She was pleased that I made an effort to learn Pulaar . Heather packed for our trip to Dakar while I sat outside and took pictures of the children using Heather 's hula - hoop . We had picked it up at the bamboo maker 's shop . Heather had asked him to make it , her second one , and again he didn 't charge her anything . I also took pictures of Naynay and Nene . They liked seeing the pictures of themselves in the camera . We said a very long goodbye . Naynay asked me to telephone her son in South Carolina and invite him to my home . I said many lies about how pleased I was that Heather was with her . She walked us partway to the next visit . Next we visited Keenay , a pretty woman with a husband who speaks English and two pretty little girls . She was wearing an ill - fitting wig that seemed to itch because she scratched often and moved the wig each time . She may be related to Naynay , even her daughter . Heather 's tailor brought over a skirt that he had made for her , and she loved it . It 's made of triangles of fabric left over from the covering of her couch cushions , a dress of Jenny 's , and fabric that the tailor supplied . Heather had brought to him a skirt that she liked , and he copied the style . He wouldn 't tell her a price , so she discussed it with Keenay and decided on 3 , 000 CFA ( $ 6 ) . An English teacher stopped by for a short time , but he spoke very little , whether it was because he 's shy or doesn 't speak English very well , we didn 't know . Keenay walked with us to the tailor shop , and Heather paid him . The tailor shops I 've seen have one or a few sewing machines , a few electric but mostly with treadles . Fabric is bought and brought to the tailors for making clothing . Complet are not bought off the rack ; nor is traditional men 's wear . On our way back to the hotel , we bought fabric for napkins and took it next door to the tailor for sewing . Heather will pick up the napkins after I 've left and mail them to me . I 'm not sure how many I 'll get or what size they 'll be . It was difficult explaining what I wanted , even with a tape measure in inches , which , surprisingly , the tailor had . The fabric is sold by the meter . The first night in the hotel I killed 17 cockroaches . Each night thereafter it was fewer and fewer . Our room had not been sprayed with bug spray , as the Coles ' was , so Heather got the spray can for us so that we could do it ourselves . I sprayed in the area the cockroaches came from , and I 'm sure I killed many . Monday and Wednesday evenings we asked for hot water for baths . The first time we asked , the man said , " For whom ? " Heather pointed to me . Certainly someone who speaks Pulaar would not need such a luxury . A huge plastic pail about one - quarter full of very hot water was brought to our room . At first we couldn 't understand why we were brought so little but then realized that we had to fill it up with cold water to get the right temperature . All we had was a small cup for scooping the water . It was still easier to wash my hair with the showerhead and cold water on my scalp rather than with tiny cups of warm water . Still , it was so nice having warm water , especially on my upper body . Soon the sept - place filled up , and by 8 : 30 we were on our way to Tamba . The road was horrible , potholed and dusty . We stopped in a small village and bought tappalappa with butter . Much as I wanted the coffee that was being prepared for others , I was afraid to drink anything . The driver led Heather to a toilet . After a short time back in the car , I felt a large splash or water . I turned around to see if perhaps the woman seated next to Heather , a new mother with a baby , had a bottle of water that had sprayed out . No . The woman had vomited on me , and a bit on Heather , and the driver . He seemed quite angry with her . Heather told me to get out , and someone gave her a cloth with which to wipe me . With horror , she said , " What if Jim were here . " As she was cleaning me , she was laughing and laughing , and I , too , laughed a bit at the ridiculousness of the situation . C ' est Senegal . We arrived at the Niji Hotel in Tamba after over five hours in the car and had wonderful hot showers . Although there was no hot tap water , the water was warmed by the hot afternoon sun . Heather washed all her clothing , and I packed my dirty clothes into a thick plastic bag . And then we napped with the fan blowing on us . We ate dinner in the dining room of the hotel , walked to the corner boutique for bottles of water , and took a short walk . When we got back to the hotel , we paid the bill and realized that we were charged for the room with just a fan , even though there was an air conditioner in the room . Heather then paid a bit more so that we could turn on the air conditioner . The room cost $ 38 for the night . We wanted to eat the oranges that Jenny 's father had picked for us but discovered realized that we had left them in the sept - place . Heather bought four small delicious ones . We woke up at 6 am and were out in the street by 7 : 15 hailing a taxi . A man with the driver said that for 40 , 000 CFA ( $ 80 ) , the driver would take us to Kaolack . No . We went to the gar . We paid $ 60 for six seats plus $ 3 for my suitcase . A woman bought one seat and agreed to sit in the back . I sat in front , and Heather sat in the middle row , and off we went . The two other drivers we had , Ibrahami and the driver of the sept - place to Tamba , were masters at avoiding the potholes . This driver hit many of them . At times he drove some distances on the dirt road that parallels the highway . After almost five hours , we arrived in Kaolack , a dirty crowded city . The driver went to the gar to drop off the woman and then drove us to the hotel . We arrived at the entrance of the hotel and then realized that the driver couldn 't read the sign . Heather said that many people in Senegal can 't read . The hotel , Relais de Kaolack , was lovely with a pool , beautiful plantings , charming paths on the property , more like a resort . The room was very nice with two beds , air conditioning , and a wonderful hot shower ! It cost 27 , 200 CFA for the night . Surprisingly , we got up at 6 am and were ready to leave by 6 : 40 , so we went to the dining room for breakfast . Much as I wanted coffee , I wouldn 't drink anything before the long car ride to Dakar . We both had bread with butter and apricot jam . We had asked the hotel to have a taxi for us by 7 : 00 . Heather asked the driver how much it would be to take us to Dakar instead of the gar , where we would then get the sept - place . She negotiated him down to 35 , 000 CFA , and off we went . I think the hotel calls only taxis in fairly good condition . The seats weren 't completely flattened , as they had been in all the other taxis we 'd been in . The driver drove fast , and we thought we 'd get to Dakar in good time . But we hadn 't taken into consideration the ways of Senegal . A police officer pulled us over , checked the driver 's papers , collected some small amount of money from him ( he asked Heather for change of 1 , 000 CFA ) , and gave him a ticket . We then went to the police station . Heather and I sat in the car for about 15 minutes , and then we went back to the police officer with new papers . Finally we were off again . The front windows were open the entire time , and at the outskirts of Dakar , a police officer again stopped the taxi and seemed to indicate that the rear tinted windows were not allowed . ( The windows had tinted , peeling paper pasted onto them . ) As we drove off , the driver reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a window crank . He handed it to me , and I placed it on the little nub sticking out of the door , rolled down the window , and handed the crank to Heather so that she could do the same thing . Then the crank went back into the glove compartment . As we got closer to Dakar , the traffic was awful , and , with the road construction going on , we rode on unpaved roads . The driver had no idea where the hotel - or the Place de l ' Independence , the center of Dakar , - was . He asked person after person , and each directed him onward . One fellow jumped into the car next to the driver and directed him the rest of the way . Many had surged toward the taxi when the driver stopped for directions , but this one was the quickest to get in . From the Place de l ' Independence , Heather directed him to the hotel , Hotel Ganale , using the map that Bob had left for us . She showed both men the map , but it was evident that neither could read . The streets were one - way , and it was difficult getting to the hotel . The driver wanted to drop us a few blocks away from it , but Heather was insistent that he take us to the hotel . The fellow carried my suitcase into the hotel , and Heather gave him 1 , 000 CFA . Our room wasn 't ready , so we had a big lunch in the hotel restaurant . After going to our room and napping for over an hour , we walked around the neighborhood . We arrived at an art market , stalls selling sculptures , jewelry , fabric , purses , cloth tote bags . I bought two brass dull bracelets . I could polish them but prefer them tarnished . Of course we had to bargain and kibbitz with each salesman . Then we walked into Score , a very large supermarket . I saw only a small part of it . - It looks similar to U . S . supermarkets . On our way back to the hotel , we stopped at a stall selling shirts and found two sundresses . We liked them , but they were too big for Heather . As we were talking with the salesman , in English , along came Justin , with whom we had made plans for dinner . Most days were sunny and hot , probably in the high 80s , and the evenings were comfortable . Some evenings and mornings I needed a light jacket . Heather wears sunscreen daily , but perhaps she forgets to put it on her feet . The vast majority of the women wear flipflops , but Heather prefers her Chocos . We were told checkout from the hotel was noon , so at 11 am we went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast ( croissant , machine bread [ like soft Italian bread ; we much prefer tappalappa , which is regarded as peasant bread ] , butter , strawberry jam , and coffee , and fresh - squeezed orange juice for Heather ) . We then went to the hotel desk to ask the man to call South African Airways to confirm my flight . He chastised me for not confirming 72 hours before my flight and tried calling but couldn 't reach anyone because offices are closed on Sunday . He told us that we could stay in the room until 2 : 00 . I called Jim and woke him up , asking him to call SAA . He called back to say SAA didn 't need me to confirm . Then we got cash from an ATM in Place de l ' Independence and sat on the steps of the Chamber of Commerce building . Many people tried to sell us pictures made of butterfly wings , necklaces , small cloth purses , bracelets , and dolls . " I have something nice . It 's pretty . You should buy . The price is like a gift . I 'll give you a good price . " They 're like flies buzzing in your ears . From a particularly persistent woman , I bought ten cheap rubber bracelets . We sat outside on the hotel 's front steps for about three hours talking with newlyweds from Seattle . It was interesting and delightful . Heather told them about Senegal , invited them to Kolda but advised them that there were other towns to visit that would be easier to get to and interesting to see . After retrieving our luggage from the hotel desk , we took a taxi to the airport , arriving over three hours before my flight . Just a few feet from the entrance to the airport , Heather could no longer be with me . Torture ! ! I had expected her to be able to stay with me longer . When I realized that she couldn 't , I felt panic at leaving her , and the tears started . Yet she seems truly happy , even with the difficulties and frustrations , and that 's what I 'll have to hold onto , and that 's what will have to sustain me . Sign in | Recent Site Activity | Report Abuse | Print Page | Powered By Google Sites |
Hershorin : I have two sisters . I am the middle child . I have an older sister , Suzanne and we call her Sue and I have a younger sister , Jane . Hershorin : I have very fond memories of my grandfather and Ann . They always sort of took me under their wing and sort of spoiled me . I remember my grandfather singing little songs to me in the car when we would go to dinner or coming back from dinner . He always made sure one of the girls had a place of honor next to him which was very , very special . I also remember holidays at our home and they were always at our home and he was there . I remember taking him to the train station when they were going to New York or California or going to pick them up . There was always so much going on and I had so much to say . I was little and I didn 't understand it all but at the same time , it sounded so exciting . I also remember an old , big car that they had with a footboard that we used to get into it . It was black and I think it was a Cadillac . It wasn 't a limousine but it was big and they used them as limousine types of cars . We kept that car for quite a while because he was no longer driving but we really didn 't drive in it too much . It was a different kind of an era . My parents were very modern and at that time , when I was growing up , my grandparents were very modern . So I did not get that feeling from them of the " old country . " I really knew the U . S . A . and America as it was . Hershorin : No , he never did with us . I don 't remember anything from him . Everything I learned about my grandfather , I learned from Dad . No , he never spoke about those types of things . I think he was just very proud to be in this country . He didn 't remember when his birthday was so he picked up July 4 as his birthday . That I do remember . Hershorin : They lived at the Royal York . They lived in the penthouse , I believe , in the middle building . It was a big apartment - as big as a house . They had a lot of help so that whenever I was there , they had a lot of time for me . I remember them just sitting and talking to me . We never played cards with them so to speak . We just spent time - they wanted to know what I was doing and they would talk to me very much on my level . Hershorin : Yes , whenever they were in Columbus , we went out to dinner at least once a week . I remember going downtown to Marzetti 's but we went a lot of times into Bexley . Dad used to take turns with who would sit up front between him and grandpa . It was always very special to sit up front between the two men . Hershorin : I remember grandma Edna very , very fondly . She was an unusual person . The thing I remember the most about her is how she loved to play the piano . I remember her a lot because of that . She had several favorite tunes and when I hear them today , I get teary eyed . She had her own agenda as well as anybody else because she was always privileged most of her life . She knew how to play golf and she walked and she played piano for the veterans during the day so she was always very busy when I went to visit her . But she would make me walk with her and she was stronger than I was . She could walk further than I could . I would get tired faster . She was pretty special . I remember her loving the grandchildren so much . She would sit us down at the piano with her to play or to sing . She would have the tunes because she didn 't play classical music - she would play the latest show tunes and we 'd stand next to her and sing with her and even though I sang off key , she never minded . Hershorin : I would stay with her for several days . She would make my favorite foods . I remember she 'd ask me what I liked and I would tell her I liked tapioca pudding and I remember her burning it and I had to eat it anyway because I couldn 't tell her she had burned it and it wasn 't any good . Hershorin : No , we never took vacations with our grandparents on either side or our parents . I can 't say never - we used to go to Maine with them . In my senior year in high school , we went to Florida . Otherwise , we really very much didn 't . They sometimes took us to New York but it was never a vacation for Dad . Dad was always working so Mom would play with us and take us on tours . Mom took Sue and me to Washington , D . C . once . But I don 't remember having an annual vacation type of thing . Interviewer : Tell me about your early / young relationship with your Dad . Was he at home a lot ? Or was he working a lot ? Did you develop an early childhood relationship with your father ? Hershorin : Dad was away a lot . When he worked , he would leave fairly early in the morning , not before anyone else . I think we left for school before he left . But he always came home late and we never knew what time he would come home . We used to wait and wait for him . It was always very special when he was in town , to have dinner with him even though sometimes dinner times were very difficult times , but it just seemed not right until he was home . But he was away a lot and Mom would go away with him a lot . Hershorin : Three daughters , two parents and a housekeeper . Rozella came to live with us at that time . I was two or three when she came along . It must have been a three bedroom house because Rozella had her own bedroom . Sue and I had a bedroom together . Hershorin : I would imagine so . I started on Parsons Place and I remember wearing the uniforms from that year on . To this day , I hardly ever buy a jumper . Hershorin : I went to school at the University of Wisconsin . I was at the University of Wisconsin for two years , however , I had a tough time in my first year because I developed mononucleosis and I was home part of the second semester . Then I went to Ohio State University that summer . I went back to the University of Wisconsin and I was not real happy there . I enjoyed being in Columbus and going to school . So I transferred back to Ohio State University . But I only did two quarters - the summer quarter and the fall quarter and then I got married . Hershorin : I lived at home but not really at home . Mom and Dad , at that time , were at 1620 East Broad Street and it was a very unusual apartment . When I shared a room with my sister , it was a disaster . So there was an empty apartment across the hall which was an efficiency . They fixed that up so I could have that for my room . Hershorin : We 're three girls . Sue and I were three years apart and Jane and I were 4 1 / 2 years apart . Mom and Dad treated us differently . Sue and I were treated one way and Jane was treated another . Jane was the last one . They were very disciplinary with the two of us . I had an unusual relationship because I was the one in the middle . The older one and the younger one used to gang up on me . I remember they used to play little tricks on me . One would run by my room and open the door , then the other one would run by my room and close the door while I was studying . I think we were normal sisters . We fought but we also did a lot of fun things together . We always were outside playing , always had a wonderful time doing that . We had a good neighborhood . We had a big yard , a tremendous yard because next door was an empty lot . Life was fun when we were carefree like that . Hershorin : We used to climb trees . We used to have a swing set and it was set in the back behind where a big , stone fireplace was for grilling so it had its own little fort type of place and we used to make a fort out of it . It backed up to Cassady but we never went onto Cassady . We were very careful . Rozella was very strict with us about that and we were very careful . We had our own little hide - a - way , so to speak and I thought that was always very neat . Sometimes we included Jane and sometimes Jane didn 't want to be with us . As I said , there was a big gap in age so it made a big difference . Hershorin : I don 't know how long they went . I know that when I started , after my kindergarten year and I was going full - time , Dad would take Sue and me to school on his way to work and we took the bus home on Broad Street to Ashbourne . We 'd get off the bus and walk home until Columbus School for Girls moved to the Drexel site and then we walked back and forth every day . Hershorin : I have very ambivalent feelings about the school . I got a wonderful education and I was taught a lot of wonderful things that have been very helpful for me . I can 't knock it academically . It was difficult for me , however , because as I grew older , I became aware that I was Jewish . Not that I didn 't know , with the holidays and so forth and nobody else in my class was Jewish . So I always felt a little different at school . I thought it might be ok and the years have gone by and I went back several years ago for my alumni reunion and after a while , I still felt different . Nobody cared about what I was doing . They were talking about their churches and their life . My life centered around Jewish philanthropy at that time and they really did not know or care about it . It just wasn 't one of those things they wanted to hear more about . Hershorin : Debbie Hammond was my friend . She lived across the street from me . Marsha Ross was my friend . She lived down the street from me . I was in a very small class - there were only about 25 of us . I remember Ann Saxbe . Ann Kirsten was my friend . Ellen Larimer . There was a group of us . Hershorin : No correspondence . But I have taken the time , when I 've been in San Diego , to see Debbie because that 's her home now . But no , basically , no , yet I 've had a couple surprises . The one , Tana Sue Sterrit , who lives in Vermont , had a connection with someone in Sarasota and she looked me up . That was kind of neat and we did enjoy their visit . Hershorin : Jane 's gone back , I don 't know how many times because she lived here in Columbus . She may have gone back quite a few times at that point . No , I don 't think they do . They felt different because they had Jewish friends . Interviewer : I don 't know . I believe it was built as a temple . They had a different location before that and I do believe they built that building for themselves . It 's not in existence anymore . Who was the rabbi when you went to Sunday school ? Hershorin : I have very fond and warm memories . I remember going to High Holidays . It was special , not because I had the day off but just because it felt warm and wonderful to be there . Even when I was in the children 's service and not in the adult service , I really enjoyed singing the hymns and I enjoyed being a part of it . I don 't know , it was just a warm and good feeling when I was at Temple and I made a lot of delightful friends while I was there . I think it shaped part of my thinking for later on in life . For years , I thought I wanted to be the first female rabbi . However , right before I went to Israel , I had to learn Hebrew and it was so tough for me . I just couldn 't get it . Even to this day , if I had to learn Hebrew , I could not do it . The letters looked ridiculous to me . Hershorin : We traveled as a group of youth and when we went to Israel , we stayed at youth hostels . We did not stay in hotels . Most of the time , the hostels were very plain and very sparse and very much like camp . But some were even less than that . I remember sleeping on straw mattresses when we went to Masada and we were down by the Dead Sea . We had straw pillows and just a blanket to go over us . It was a fascinating experience . We worked on a kibbutz for two weeks . Hershorin : Right next to the Gaza Strip . On the border , they had UN soldiers that were in Gaza at that time that used to sneak over at night and bring us Coca Colas . We picked potatoes the first week . However , I lost my antibiotics in the lining of my purse and I was sick that week from some of the water that I wasn 't used to . So I didn 't pick potatoes but I did pick carrots the second week . We went out in the field and helped them . And that was very important because we were helping the survival of Israel at that time and it was really a pioneering country . To this day , when I go back and we leave Tel Aviv and it 's still green , it amazes me because I remember leaving Tel Aviv and it was all brown . Nothing but sand all the way down . And we drove all the way down to Eilat , part of it . We got stopped in a sandstorm in the middle of a kibbutz which I don 't remember the name of that but it was Ben Gurion 's kibbutz . It was very interesting and very different and it really helped shape my life . Hershorin : Yes , but I was used to that by going to camp . That was not difficult . I didn 't feel that I was a spoiled child and I was unhappy with roughing it . That didn 't bother me at all . I was keeping a diary , taking pictures and was just fascinated by the whole thing . Hershorin : We went to camp starting at the age of seven ; I believe is when I went . The first camp we went to was Camp Accomac in Maine . I believe Mom went there and that 's why we went there . Then later on , I went to another camp in Maine called Vega . That was Jane 's first year . Camp Accomac is no longer in existence . Hershorin : Richard is my husband and we were married in 1964 . We didn 't waste any time , we had children immediately . In 1971 , I became a member of the Women 's American ORT . I was living in Wilmington , Delaware at that time . I found ORT very fascinating because they were just developing this chapter . We were thrown in and told to learn about it . We did . We were a group of women together , we were all friends and we learned about it and we worked hard and I was made a national board member the following year . This trip to Israel came up for the national board . They didn 't have enough money to send me and I didn 't have enough money to go but when Dad heard about it , he said , " I 'm sending you . " So I went over on this national board trip . I guess because I went to Columbus School for Girls and learned to be a loner , I don 't have to have a friend to tow along and go to a meeting with . I just go when I want to go to places . So I picked a trip that I thought was good for me and I went on it . It was a fascinating trip because I had a lot of national leadership on it with me and they took me under their wing and they kept saying , " Be good to her . She 's future leadership . Be good to her . " It was unbelievable to see the difference and I saw it from a whole different light . I remember when I went , when I was 15 , we 'd get out of the bus and Rabbi Brickner would say to us , " Ok , we 're going to see another tel " and this was nothing but another hill . It hadn 't been dug out yet . Something had happened there but all we could see was a hill so it looked like nothing . In 1972 , when I went back , all the tels had been excavated - not all but quite a few - at that point so there was a big difference . There were a lot of ancient sights to see that I hadn 't seen before . There were a lot of ORT schools that we went to which I found fascinating . I was very attracted by what ORT was doing . To me , it was making a difference for this country . Yad Vashem was so different . I had seen it when it was a one room place in a museum so to speak - almost a big house . To go to where it is today was completely different for me . And quite a moving experience . It was just a fabulous trip for me . I think part of the highlight of the trip was Golda Meir . Hershorin : I met Golda Meir . She spoke at our conference and I brought some friends who were there on a synagogue conference and I asked them to be my guests to hear her . I remember today what she had to say and I 've quoted her many times . Interviewer : That 's wonderful to have had that experience . She was quite a woman . Let me backtrack just a little bit , Patti . You and Richard were married , what year ? Hershorin : We were married here in Columbus , Ohio . Rabbi Jerome Folkman performed the ceremony and it was at the Maramor . It was very different and it was cold and icy but a wonderful wedding . Shortly after , I got pregnant immediately and my first child was born August 20 , 1964 . So I didn 't have time to be much of a newlywed . I was a mother right away . Hershorin : When we were married , Richard was in Wisconsin , working for Dad at SCOA Industries . Dad put him into the shoe factories and we were living in a small town in Wisconsin , called Wapon - which had a very small population . The biggest part of the population was either the prison or the insane asylum . And the shoe factory was there . Those were the three big things in that town . We were not far from Milwaukee and we went into Milwaukee often because it was very difficult for me at that time . A woman did not work and I couldn 't go to school anymore , there was no school there . And besides , I was pregnant . I was going to have a child . In March or April , we moved to Wilmington , Delaware and Richard went to work for staying with SCOA for the Wilmington Dry Goods that was there . We were there for five years when the Wilmington Dry Goods store moved him to Huntington , West Virginia for two years . My second child was born in Wilmington . David was born May 14 , 1967 which is an unusual date ( and he is an unusual child ) because he is the third generation in our family to be born on May 14 and it was Mother 's Day that year . Mother 's brother was born on May 14 which happened to be Mother 's Day the year that he was born . And Jane was born May 14 . So it was the third generation , the same date which was very interesting . Hershorin : We packed up the two children and we moved to Huntington , West Virginia where Richard managed the store there and which was very different from what he was doing in Wilmington . We moved out of there two years later and back to Wilmington and I would say that was a good thing . Although I enjoyed Huntington and it was a good learning experience for me , in fact it was a wonderful learning experience for me because I got very involved in the Jewish community right away . That 's what I did . That 's what I did before I went to Huntington and that 's what I did in Huntington . You were considered young if you were under 55 and I always considered you were young when you were under 35 so it was a whole broadening for me . There was Hadassah and Sisterhood and there were only two temples there . When I did the Hadassah and Sisterhood thing , I was with 70 and 80 year old women . We were all equals and I learned it was very easy to be comfortable with people who were my parents and grandparents ages . Hershorin : Richard and I met through my roommate at college in Wisconsin . His best friend and my roommate were dating . We met that way . I got married to Richard and they never got married to each other . They each married different people . Hershorin : Yes , we like the wonderful weather . It felt good . Unfortunately , I had had some whiplash accidents and I didn 't hurt when I went to Florida . The weather was wonderful for me . So we decided this might be a very good move and we might lead a better life if we did that . We had never lived in the same city with Mom and Dad and we had a very unusual relationship with them during those years . Hershorin : Richard stayed with SCOA Industries until 1977 when he went out on his own . He was a small businessman at that time and he was selling pantyhose to stores that discounted - off price pantyhose . We were the middleman but we were ticketing them and making sure they were ready to go on the shelves . Hershorin : My father made it very , very difficult for Richard in SCOA Industries . I don 't know how he felt because Dad and I weren 't close during those years . Dad was always very tough on Richard during those years ; in fact , he used to say outwardly , " I will not endorse any movement for Richard . " He used to say that to Richard 's bosses which made it harder for Richard because he had to work with them . But he didn 't want it to be thought of as nepotism . Interviewer : Then the two of you decided Richard would do something else . So he was selling pantyhose and then you decided to move to Florida . Did he continue to be a salesperson ? Hershorin : We stayed with that business for a while and then he went into the restaurant business for a few years . That was tough on him and he 's had some physical problems and we thought that might not be the best thing for him . It was going to kill him so we decided to get out of it . Then he floundered for a few years , then he found this business that was a catalog selling to camps and schools and supplying them . When he was in business for himself , I started to help him and started working and I continued working off and on . I always said to him , " I 'll always help you until the business makes enough money so that you can hire someone to replace me . " But I never seemed to get out , I was always under . I never got out until a year ago . Hershorin : Yes , and that was a difficult decision . We thought maybe we 'd go somewhere else . We had never been in the same city with them and since we had such a conflict with Richard and Dad for so many years , that we thought maybe we would be better off in another city . But we just adored Sarasota and I knew that part of my life , I would put into Jewish philanthropy . I didn 't like the East coast at all . It was not my cup of tea . We were looking at the West coast . The Tampa area was too over populated and too big . Fort Myers seemed like I would be a pioneering Jew , I would be back in West Virginia again . I did not want that . So that 's why we went to Sarasota . It was a small community , very much like Wilmington , Delaware and it was very comfortable . Hershorin : David is living in New Orleans and he was married four years ago on his birthday , May 14 , 1995 . He married a lovely gal named Jill Minkin and the two of them are very , very happy . He is my free spirit . He loves jazz and that 's why they 're living in New Orleans . He 's into whatever he can get into that has to do with jazz , production , etc . In fact , he just sent his grandparents a thank you note for his birthday present and in it he had a picture of himself interviewing Dave Brubeck . He 's just a free spirit . Hershorin : When I moved back to Wilmington , Delaware , from Huntington , West Virginia , I was back a few weeks and I got a telephone call from one of my friends from before . They had just formed this ORT chapter and she was having coffee at her home and would I come ? And I did go with many of my friends . And I joined that evening . Since it was so new - they had just formed a few months before - we were really putting a chapter together so I felt it was very exciting . I had been in Hadassah before because my aunt had taken me there and I was a member of Sisterhood and had things with the Sisterhood but I just really found the ORT program fascinating and we had to learn about it because we had to bring more members in . That was our task that year , to bring more members in and you can 't bring members in without telling them about the organization . So we really spent the year learning about it . It was fascinating to me . Hershorin : ORT has been in existence , it 'll be 120 years next year . It began with agricultural trades and has gotten larger and then did vocational trades . It started in Russia and has spread all over the world . It has over 800 installations . Do you want my ORT speech ? Hershorin : 262 , 000 students in the installations at this time with its biggest operation being Israel . But we are now back in the former Soviet Union where we began . And we are in the United States and we are growing in the United States because from vocational education , we 've gone into technical education and as we all know , computers are our future and technology is our future . We are making a big difference and our schools are very much in demand . I think an interesting story about that is my sister - in - law on my husband 's side , met some friends in Israel and I met them when I was there in 1972 for the very first time . Every time I went back , they said to me . " Are you still so active in ORT ? " And I 'd say yes and they just said , " Eh ! " Hershorin : They just felt that what I was doing wasn 't so important . Then one year , I went back and they said to me , " Our son , Ofer , is in an ORT school . " It was making a difference in their son 's life and they began to see what the difference was . I don 't believe Israel would be the economic country that it is today . All the free enterprise , etc . without the training that we have done , because it 's the technological thing that has made a difference to them . Hershorin : In almost every city in Israel . They would love it to be in every city because it makes a difference for the school , it makes a difference for the child , whether he 's going to stay in technology when they 're doing it in the high school years or whether they 're just going into the army . It makes a big difference in the army . In fact , the army asks us , with some special students , to keep them another year and train them and then they go into the army because they 're better people for it . Hershorin : Everybody . They even have Arabs in some of the schools . ORT schools are open to all . ORT schools are not strictly ORT schools and strictly funded because many of them are government schools but it 's the extra ORT dollars that make them an ORT school and it 's the extra ORT expertise and training that 's given there that makes the difference for them . Hershorin : ORT is an unusual organization . Yes , we have some dormitory schools . That 's not the prevailing point of it , however , the big , beautiful , brand new college … Yes , there are dormitories but there are day students there as well . But that 's a college . Hershorin : ORT started in the United States many , many years ago in the garment district and it was training people in the garment district . That school became one room in an office building because it was over and done for those years . But then technology came to be and then some of the Russians were coming , the Iranians were coming , the Syrians were coming . We got quite a few different Jews coming to this country . So in New York , we developed a school and very sadly , we haven 't just had a school and said , " Well , let 's see what subjects we can put out . " We always surveyed the areas to see where the jobs are . And those are the subjects that have been taught . So we were able to make a difference in a lot of immigrants ' lives in New York . Then the immigrants began to go to California and Chicago - the big cities . So we started installations there . Hershorin : No . You don 't have to be Jewish to go to an ORT school . But one of the other things that happened was the Jewish Day Schools in Miami became very savvy and they decided they wanted to have a computer course there . They applied to ORT and ORT came in and began with a computer course there . Now we are in the day schools in Cleveland , we are hi the day schools in Atlanta , we are about to go into Detroit and not in the day schools but in the Jewish Community Center . It 's a very unique kind of set - up but it 's going to make a difference for a lot of adults in Detroit . As interesting as it is , when the cities are hearing about it , I know in Sarasota , when they heard about Detroit , they said , " We want a school . " They don 't even have a Jewish day school much less ready to have an ORT school but they feel like that would make the difference . We 're bringing a Jewish day school that has just begun and they 're adding grade upon grade but even then , it 's not meeting up to the ORT specs because they 're very tight specs and there 's only one hour a week devoted to Jewish education and all ORT schools are devoted to Jewish education . There are at least five hours a week of Jewish education and there 's Hebrew in many of the ORT schools . Hershorin : Last year about the time that we were selling our business , I received a letter from a national nominating committee , asking me to be a member of the National Board of Directors to which I was very flattered but I knew that was something I couldn 't do if I was working . We sold the business and I took the job on the National Board of Directors . Women 's American ORT has taken a whole new approach to its organization and has trimmed it down so that I feel very special . I am one of the 34 women across the country that are on the National Board of Directors . I have been a National Board of Directors member before but there were several hundred of us that were National Board of Directors members and they were appointed either from the area that you were working from the area … if I was in the district , I was appointed as a district person . But I had never been asked to be national and I didn 't think I ever would because I always felt they were very brilliant women and I wasn 't quite up to their task . I found it a challenge this past year , very much a challenge and a learning experience because they 've taken a whole new direction and I 've had to move and think in that direction . It 's been interesting because I 've taken a … not a complete back seat but I sort of stepped out a few years before that and not been involved organizationally as much as I have in just fund raising . Hershorin : I guess so . I just knew that that 's what you do . I have to tell you , I have memories of being young - I can 't remember how young - and going to the Federation . I don 't know what they were called back then in the early 50s - meetings that were at Ilonka 's and seeing films about the Holocaust . I was very young to do it but my parents felt that it was important that I learn what was going on in the Jewish world and be a part of it . I always was very active in the youth groups with the Reform temple . But that was all I was active in . But I remember mother also taking me to the National Council of Jewish Women meetings and we used to do " ship - a - box " where we used to bring clothing and put together the boxes that were shipped overseas . So I was really very much into it and I knew that was what you do in life . So that 's what I did . Hershorin : I took a position this year on the Foundation board . I found that very interesting and also a learning experience . I had been on the Federation board and had to step out because I knew I couldn 't go any further while I was working with business at the same time . I prefer doing things , I believe , outside the temple . I started because of the temple . When we moved , David was in confirmation class and there were only six children hi that confirmation class and I just took an active role , making sure that it was a good confirmation in the spring , for them . I was in the kitchen doing things . That 's what I like to do . I 've been a cook , I think , longer than Mom 's been a cook . So I like doing that and I like to joke and say I joined ORT because I can pour coffee . I 've always felt that there is a place for me and I could be as active as I want to be . Hershorin : Yes . They call it the Jewish Community Foundation in Sarasota . I enjoy it very much . I am on the Scholarship Committee which I find very interesting . It 's not really the Scholarship Committee - it 's called SKIP - Send a Kid to Israel Program - which is the thrust of what to do to help our children be involved and a part of Jewish identity . So it 's been interesting to learn about the children because I 've stepped back and I don 't know a lot of these children . To be able to have the opportunity to find the money to send these kids to Israel . I was told this past year that Dad had set up money to go into the SKIP fund and that it had never been used . It had accumulated to a nice piece of change and could make quite a difference for quite a few children . But we needed to make a contract out of it and make it formal so they could use it because it had never been done . They have collected the money and just put it aside . I think Sarasota , in its own way , has been a pioneering community . Therefore , people have had a lot of energy but a lot of things have not been followed through . So the Foundation is becoming a much more professional organization is one way to put it and tying up all the loose ends that were left behind in the very beginning of it . I convinced Dad to do this and we made arrangements that we could release a certain amount of money . So he is sending the Schiff Scholars from a temple youth group and they are going to Israel . He 's not underwriting their whole trips but partial trips because that 's what SKIP does . They become partners with … Interviewer : That is wonderful that there are people , you for one , your father , involved with sending students to Israel . It is true . It 's how we 're going to keep our kids Jewish . Tell me how did you begin working , professionally , businesswise , with your father ? How did it all come about ? Hershorin : When I moved to Sarasota in 1982 , it was very difficult for Dad to accept that his children were there . It was nice that we were not next door , so to speak and that we were really 30 - 45 minutes away . Mom always loved it but this way Mom couldn 't stop in so easily . It took Dad awhile to adjust to the idea that his children were there and that his children were going to be part of this community . But once we proved ourselves as part of the community , Dad began to accept us . I said to Dad , when he was going back and forth to Columbus - he would commute down on Wednesday or Thursday and go back every Sunday to Columbus - " We don 't know each other and we ought to get to know each other . Let 's have lunch . " We had lunch once and he said , " This is good . Let 's have lunch again . " And he used to call me from the office and ask me to go to lunch the first few years . Then it became a standing date - he and I went to lunch on Thursdays - I would do everything I could not to have an appointment on Thursday . Sometimes it was difficult if there was a tremendously big luncheon coming up that I had to have my face there . And sometimes I had to be out of town , but most of the time , I was there and Dad was there . Hershorin : Dad and I had lunch every Thursday for six months and we got to know each other . About four or five years ago , Mom and Dad were taking a look at their wills . Dad decided that there would be no real secrets within the family at that point . Up until then , nobody really knew anything because Mom and Dad had always been very private about their own affairs . So I said to Dad , " What are you going to do if there comes a time when you are alive but you can 't handle your own affairs ? " He told me that was never going to happen because , he said to me , he would commit suicide first . I said , " Oh ? Really ? " and I didn 't bring it up all the time to him but I brought it up off and on for several years . About two or two and a half years ago , he began to take me seriously . Maybe he realized he was beginning to forget some things . I don 't know . So he made arrangements for me to be his person to take care of his affairs during that period if he couldn 't handle them . He felt that was one thing and the other thing was for me to be thrown into it without knowing anything would be terrible . He wanted me to have an education , so he asked me to come to Columbus - I came to Columbus three or four times that year when things were happening . He opened his people to me , introduced them to me . He told me I could call them anytime and they felt that way , too . They would send me papers all the time , all year long . And I would become part of what was going on . I asked a lot of questions but I really sat quietly the first year . The second year I began to have more of a feel of it and began to be able to ask questions and assert myself a little bit . So Dad made me a part of his life at that time . It 's interesting , because years ago , when I was growing up , we learned to take the bus very early . We used to take the bus after school and go downtown and go shopping at Lazarus . Dad taught us all to be very thrifty by putting us on a clothing allowance . We had so much a month that we were allowed to spend . So we liked to go shopping here and there , as most women do . We would go shopping after school and we had to find ourselves at Dad 's office around 5 or 5 : 15 p . m . so we could come home with him . We could have taken the bus home but it was terribly crowded . I used to wait for Dad in his outer office while he was having meetings at that 5 or 6 o ' clock hour . I 'd sit out there and I never got to hear what was going on but I heard loud voices and I heard disagreements . I heard all sorts of things . I saw magazines but I used to play on the typewriter or do homework , or whatever . It was an introduction to business . Dad told all of us when we went to college , that we were there for our " MRS . " degrees and all of us believed him and none of us finished college . Sue did go back to school later in her married life and got a degree . I never did . I did go back to school to see if I could do it and I did it . Got an " A " in the course - it was statistics and everybody said , " Why are you taking that awful course ? " But I never found time because when I would look at the course matter , I would say , " But I 'm going to be out of town here and there and it wasn 't a good course to take if I was going to be away . " So none of us were trained in business and people used to ask , " Why didn 't your Dad train one of you girls ? " But he was very much a chauvinist all those years and his girls were not meant to be in the business with him . So this was quite a coup with Dad , to have him trust one of his girls , so to speak and put her in a position where she knows everything . I find it very interesting and I really learned more about him the last two years , than I ever did before that . I thought I knew about him but I can 't believe what he does in philanthropy . It 's very interesting that he has such a heart and such deep feelings and probably gives away much more than he should . But he says he has to look at himself in the mirror and I think about that every day . I know I have to look at myself in the mirror so I guess that 's why I do what I do . It 's part of me , it 's ingrained in me . Dad is just phenomenal and he 's very smart businesswise , too . I like that he set up his affairs for today and not one person is in charge of everything . That he has different pockets that sort of fit together , more like a jigsaw puzzle . It 's good . It 's difficult for me but it 's good . I like being given the chance to think some problems out now that Dad can 't think them out completely and work with his assistant and say what I have to say . Then she tells me what Dad would have to say . Having the opportunity to think about the two things and think about what 's right and then go on from there . It 's interesting . I have an open mind about a lot of things . I 'm easy to work with , people say . I 've tried to always be that way . Sometimes I have to put my foot down but I try not to . I try to be very open and very fair . I think Dad was that way . He tried to be very open and fair in his dealings . A lot of people might not say that because a lot of people had a lot of rough times with him . But in his heart , he tried to be open and fair . I think he was open and fair to us as we were growing up . Hershorin : I never worried about that when this happened because I knew he had to select one . I was the one that had the relationship with him and I was the one that could handle him and do with him . So I think they 're delighted in this day and age that that 's what I 'm doing . I 've always been fairly open with them . Of course , I 'm not going to divulge everything because I don 't think Dad wants me to but at the same time , that which is important , I let them know . I 'm the one that makes the final decision but I let them know . And I listen to their advice . I think the thing I 've learned in ORT is the more heads that are together ; sometimes you come up with the best solution . So it 's good to hear other points of view . Hershorin : I think that because we were so far apart , age - wise and you were so slotted into your age groups , as we were growing up , we didn 't have that special closeness that usually is there . It looked that way on the surface but it was never really there until later in life . I think in the early 70s , one time we were all in Florida together . We did a lot of family vacations then , the whole family . My parents used to bring all of us down there . One time , we went into one of the bedrooms and shut the door - the three girls - and we were talking . We realized that we were all terrific in Mom 's eyes and in Dad 's eyes but they never told us that . They would tell us about the other two but never say that we were terrific or that what we were doing was important . But I would hear how wonderful Jane was and what she was doing and how wonderful Sue was and what she was doing . And they would say the same things about me . So I think that took a while . And then , unfortunately , I had some problems with my daughter shortly after we moved to Sarasota and my sister , Jane , intercepted later on to the point that I didn 't feel she belonged there . Almost like she was being Dad and I didn 't feel that that was her place . It was such that it was so hurtful that I had to stop relationships with her . There was a ten year period where she and I did not speak . It 's just been a year now that we 've been speaking again . Hershorin : The Schiff Company , of course , is not what it used to be . It 's Dad 's company and it 's Dad 's name and it 's basically an office for Dad to do his philanthropy and for him to take care of his own affairs . I think I will be a big part of it . It 's hard to tell how many years someone is going to live . Mother thinks Dad is going to live a long , long time . So then the Schiff Company will continue to operate the way it does but when Dad is gone , he 's divided his will in such a way that there will be philanthropy but it won 't be from the Schiff Company , so to speak , although the Schiff Company will probably always exist because we 'll need a base to keep things together . Hershorin : I feel that my priorities may be a little different than Dad 's priorities but I think Dad has said something to me that has been very interesting . He told me that when he pushed his father out of the company , his father said to him , " You 'll do it the way I 'm doing it . " And he said , " No , Dad . I 'll do it the way I want to do it . " Well , I know Herbert Schiff very well and if I turned around and said that to my father , I would have nothing but problems until it was time for me to do it . So I can 't say that to him but at the same time , I think I will always have in the back of my mind what 's important to him so maybe I will feel something relates but he didn 't feel it related . It 's a new time and we have to eject on our own . Times change , priorities change . Just look at the Federations today and what their priorities are compared to what their priorities were . So that makes a difference and I 'm not sure he understands those priorities today yet if he did , that would be his priority because Jewish identity and Jewish heritage are very , very important to him and have always been important to him . Resettling refugees has always been important to him . He doesn 't quite understand what 's going on now in the former Soviet Union . Now is our opportunity . Who knows when the doors are going to close again . Interviewer : They could close very quickly . We just never know - in any of those countries . So you feel that your father trusts you to make these decisions ? Hershorin : It gives me ambivalent feelings . It 's a huge responsibility . Yes , in some ways I feel good that he trusts me . I 'm proud that I have achieved that in life but I don 't feel that I 'm anything special . I feel that I 'm doing what needs to be done . I feel that that 's how I 've led my life . You do what needs to be done . You do it with charity ; you do it as you lead your life . If the dishwasher needs to be emptied , it gets emptied . I don 't leave it there for the next person . If something has to be done , I do it . I 've always been a doer . I feel that way about taking care of Dad 's responsibilities . It 's a different position being a female than being a male . I have not had the good fortune to be as wealthy as Mom and Dad . So I have done a lot of my household chores , although I might have a cleaning man , I still do a lot of the little things . So when I come home , I 'm not the queen who sits there and is fed the meal . I sometimes come home and make the meal after I 've worked a hard day . We brought the office down to Sarasota this year and it was wonderful but I work a hard day with him . I get him there and spend all my time with him . On my way home , I stop at three stores and pick up the dry cleaning and the food and then I come home and prepare the food . Then after dinner , I take care of some of my own affairs . So it 's a very different kind of life . I don 't have a secretary to do these things for me . But I 'm enjoying it and I 'm enjoying learning the computer . I had to learn it for business . I enjoy doing it . I have an organized mind and that 's part of me so I can organize this as well . I don 't have time for all the reading that I 'd like to have . Dad gets huge stacks of papers - very interesting things . Everything that I read is very interesting but if I spent all my time reading his things , I wouldn 't have time for some of my things . So I know that I have to prioritize but I think if he were sitting in my shoes , he would be doing it the same way . I don 't feel that I 'm short - changing him ; I 'm giving him the best that I can . If he only knew the time and energy that was spent on him , talking about him , trying to problem - solve so life would be good for him , because that 's what I want . I want him to have his last years as comfortable as possible and as dignified as possible . As long as he can go into that office and as long as he can sign checks , that 's where I want him . And I think that 's where the family wants him . Interviewer : You 're playing a very important role , Patti , to see to it that these things are going to happen . And that 's very important . Do you have anything else you would like to talk about ? We haven 't talked very much about your mother ; we talked a lot about your Dad . Would you like to talk about your mother at all ? Hershorin : My Mom is very special . I just want to go back for a minute before I talk about my Mom because you said something to me before we started that was very interesting to me and I wanted to comment on it . How the death of his mother influenced Dad 's life . I think , as I got older and had children of my own , when they were in grade school , I was able to look at my parents in a different light than as just my parents . They were people . I told you about when I was in Huntington , West Virginia , and how I began to be able to relate to older people . My sisters and I sat down and we realized that it was Dad 's early life that influenced the way he was today . I think about that often . It made Dad and Mom 's relationship an unusual relationship because Dad didn 't have that wonderful , loving household all those years so he didn 't have those role models , so to speak . So our home life was unusual . Now to get back to Mom , it made Mom , where Dad left off and couldn 't give us all those hugs and kisses and love , it made Mom 's role very interesting . As warm as she is outwardly , she was not a huggy , kissy person . She didn 't take us upstairs and tuck us into bed . We would kiss her good - night and then we would go upstairs and put ourselves to bed . So we became independent people very early but we had some of that loving spirit from Mom . And she was always very giving . She wanted to buy us things when we got married and always wanted to make sure we had certain comforts even though we couldn 't afford them . She would always make up for them . When we were growing up , Mom loved her golf game . She didn 't play Bridge as much then but she loved her golf game and that was number one . It seemed like we were number two but I don 't think so , in her mind . But it always seemed that way when we were growing up because we had a housekeeper , too , so she could leave us . But I realize the obstacles that Mom had to live with , with Dad and his very busy life and the way that he was . She had to be " Mrs . Schiff " , so to speak , and lead a certain role . She traveled a great deal with my father on his business trips . Mom had a role she had to fulfill if she wanted to keep her marriage together . And she did . We may have resented it when we were growing up but I can see it today and I admire her for it . I think my Mom is a very strong lady because of all of this . She had to find her place and yet , still be that wife , so to speak , and play that role and be second person . Yet there were many hours that she had alone so she had to be her own person at that time and she found a role - a beautiful role . Mom was a very good and giving mother . I recall with special fondness the morning that I got married . I was living across the hall in my little apartment and I got up and did my bathroom routine and went into the kitchen to get my breakfast . She took a look at me and she said , " What are you doing up ? " And I said , " I came in here for some breakfast . " She said , " I will bring you breakfast . Get back into bed . " She brought me breakfast on a silver tray with the best silver and crystal and she made me feel very special . Interviewer : That 's so nice . It 's interesting how children , when they get older , can sit back and analyze why their parents were the way they were . I think you 're right , the death of your Dad 's mother at his early age definitely influenced his life and therefore , that influenced your life . But it 's excellent that you 've been able to analyze and come to terms with that . Hershorin : I think if I hadn 't , I probably would have ended up on a psychiatric couch , which I didn 't have to do . I decided that some of the things our parents did were right but some of the things were really wrong . I always tucked my children in at night . In the morning , no one ever told me , when I went off to school , to have a good day . I always told my children " Have a good day . Be a good girl / boy . Remember , I love you . " I wanted them to take that with them for the day because I felt that was important . I didn 't have that . Hershorin : I find it very interesting that my daughter and I have started to e - mail now . She e - mails me and she e - mails her father . We have two different e - mail addresses . She began with the first one in the morning and told me to " Have a good day and be a good Mom and remember that I love you . " And she wanted me to write that back to her and I did but I told her to " Be a good daughter … " because I didn 't think she was a girl anymore . I thought that she is a grown - up woman and leading a very important life , influencing a lot of different lives and bringing lives into the world . She didn 't like that . She said , " Mom , I don 't know what it is and I can 't explain it but you have to write it like you always did . " Hershorin : That 's something we all three craved when we were 15 years old . We couldn 't wait until we were 16 . I was always allowed to take the car keys when I was 15 and practice in the long driveway we had , going up and down and turning around and going back and forth , which was wonderful . On Sundays , Dad would take us over to the Town and Country parking lot and let us do whatever we wanted to do and basically , teach us how to drive . I remember as a little girl , him giving us all a sense of direction . We 'd go out for dinner and then he 'd put one of us in the front seat - this was without the grandparents - and then he 'd say , " Tell me how to go home . " If we told him to turn right and it was wrong , he would turn right and then he 'd make us figure out how to get out of it so we knew a sense of direction . Of course , living in Bexley , with the streets going east , west , north and south , it was not too difficult . But it was really important that we learned and had a sense of direction . Dad gave that to us . I guess , in his own way , he wanted to teach us to be independent and he did teach us to be independent . He always allowed us to drive a rental car so that we could drive any car there was . It was certain things that he would do that maybe didn 't mean anything at that time but they do make a difference . At first , when I was married and we would go somewhere and we 'd rent a car , my husband would say , " You can 't drive this car . You don 't know how to drive this car . " And I 'd say , " I do . I can drive any car . My father taught me . " He just was really very good . He taught us how to manage money . I remember when I was growing up , getting $ 30 a month to spend on my clothes and all my extras - movies , candy , whatever I wanted . And that was it . He didn 't give us the $ 30 in cash so we had a lot of cash . He had a wonderful way of doing it . His secretary kept a notebook in the office . When we needed cash , it was no problem . We 'd write a receipt to him and he 'd give us the cash and they would subtract that receipt from the cash we had . Every month , they would put the $ 30 into the account and add it up for us so we could accumulate it anyway we wanted or spend it anyway we wanted . That way we had money for charity and for many things . Dad taught us a sense of being able to be on our own which was very good . When . I got married , my husband said , " The checkbook is yours . " And it has been mine ever since . I worry if something happened to me , what he would do . But I think he could pick it up and do it . These are just some wonderful things that Dad did for us and that I felt I needed to do for my children in return . But I think the biggest thing was teaching me philanthropy , the way he did . It is amazing to me what he does behind the scenes and it gives me a real sense of pride to see that I come from such wonderful heritage . Hershorin : Patsy , sometimes . Almost always , I was Patti but I was always Patti with a " y " . My rebellion in life was to change the " y " to an " i " . That was big stuff . Dad was good with me . I remember rough times but I remember good times . I remember him being very proud of what he was doing in the shoe business . If we walked around the house without shoes , he 'd get mad but it was almost ok if we just had socks on . But we almost always had to have shoes on . Even to this day , I don 't walk barefoot except when I exercise . If we had a sock with a hole in it , he would not allow us to wear it and if he caught us wearing it , he would tear if off our feet and say , " This will not do for my children . I can afford to buy you shoes and socks and you will not walk with holes in your clothing . " It was very interesting how he felt about certain things that I still remember today . Even though we had a housekeeper , we had certain chores we had to do . We learned to make our beds . We learned to set the table and set it properly . We learned that you do not put a bottle on the table - even ketchup . That goes in a little container . We were really taught many things . Interviewer : That 's interesting because many households that have help , the children don 't learn to do those things . They just come to the table , eat and leave , don 't clear the table , don 't empty the dishwasher , don 't make beds , whatever . So it 's very interesting that your parents were able to give you that kind of education as well . Hershorin : They felt we would have to be on our own someday and they wanted us to be able to know it all . Now , when I come , they call me " Mrs . White Gloves , the cleaning lady 's coming . " I don 't really clean but I do straighten . Mom is a real pack rat and keeps things but Mom has got a sense of joie de vivre that is absolutely fantastic . She 'd rather go on to the next exciting thing than to take time to straighten up papers . So I 've just sort of taken my role to go through a bunch of things with her . Yet I saw her a few weeks ago , cleaning out her desk and she said , " Just take that pile and throw it away . " And I said , " No , Mother . " She said , " Come on . Just take it and throw it away . " And I said , " No , I 've got to go through it , Mom . " There were deposit slips and old stuff but in it were a couple letters from her mother from 1961 that had to be very nostalgic because her mother died in 1962 . So I 'm glad that I didn 't listen to her and did it my way and that she has that today . Hershorin : It 's been interesting going through some of her things . What I 'd love to go through , but I 'll probably do that with my sisters , is all the old pictures . I will find that very fascinating and when we 're all together at home , that 's usually one of our favorite activities . Interviewer : Be sure to identify them and date them when you can . That 's very , very important for the future , so that people afterwards can look back and say , " Ok , that 's who that is … " Anything else you 'd like to tell me ? Hershorin : Well , you asked me about the piano lessons . I really thought that might be interesting . We all took piano lessons but none of us play today . Hershorin : I can 't remember her name . But mother would have to bring us to her house . And Mom said , " No , " because Mom had a life and Mom did not drive car pools , so to speak and did not have to take her children . She didn 't do it from the beginning . So she gave me another teacher that I walked to . This teacher was very strict and very difficult and everything that I was relaxed at and very comfortable with , she just undid with her taking my fingers and pounding them and so forth . So I never went back to it . My daughter always wanted to have piano lessons and I was going to do it when she was home one summer . I wanted her to want them , not be forced down her like they were forced down me . I felt if she wanted them , then she would do something with it . Just as we were about to do it was when we moved to Sarasota but she 'll do all right in life and she can get a piano and have lessons if she feels that 's a priority for her . Hershorin : Yes , they did come to the recitals . At least mother always came . If Dad was in town , he would come , too . I had fond years at Temple and Temple Youth Group , being a part of that and going to conclaves and meeting kids from other cities . |
He shakes his head at me . Whroo he says . Then he says it again to make sure I 've understood . As if that is necessary . He may not be pronouncing the n sound yet , but his meaning is always clear . The polish dripped off of the brush onto my fingernails and the surronding skin . It felt thick and wet . The girl swirled the brush until all the nail was covered . Pink on my right hand and sparkly purple on my left . I look like a harlot I exclaimed to the husband as he sat next to me on the deck having his toe nails painted . The girl painted one foot , the boy the other . The husband laughed . I held my hand up to the sun and watched them glisten . It was hot . The boy and I had been out all morning , running errands , at the park . He started to fall asleep on the way to pick the girl up from school so I made him get out of the stroller and walk . The air was heavy and humid . We had just said goodbye to our friends and were blocks from our house when I noticed the girl didn 't have her shoes on . Where are your shoes ? I asked sharply . Here she said . There was only one purple Croc sitting beside her in the stroller . Where is your other shoe ? I asked . I don 't know she said , unconcerned . I took a deep breath . I am very frustrated I said . You have to keep your shoes on in the stroller . My voice was rising . My anger was building . I walked a few steps away from the kids to think about my options . I could go back and try to find the shoe . I didn 't know where it had been lost but I could look . I had already lost one of the boy 's shoes that morning on the way to the grocery store when he had pulled it off . I hadn 't found it . I could abandon the shoe to its fate . But that was her only pair of sandals and it was too hot to wear her other shoes . Plus , I didn 't want to have to buy another pair . I turned the stroller around and went back . I met another mom on the way home from prechool with her two kids . Did you see a kids ' shoe ? I asked her as I passed beside her . Yes , she said , it 's back by the high school . I swore and kept walking . I would have to walk almost all the way back to the girl 's school to find that stupid shoe . The girl kept trying to talk to me . I can 't talk to you right now I said to her . I am very angry and I can 't talk . Please be quiet until we get home . Down the block from the high school I spotted the shoe . Furious , I parked the stroller . Stay there I said to the kids . I walked towards the shoe . I watched a teenager pass in front of it , pointing and laughing . Then I watched a truck drive over it as it lay in the middle of the road . Did you do this ? I yell at a group of high school kids sitting nearby on the curb . Do you think this is funny ? One of them shrugged as if to say , it wasn 't me . Well tell your friends then that it isn 't funny ! I yelled at them as I walked away . I wanted them to yell back . I wanted to unleash the rage that was building about the shoe and the extra walk and the fact that we had been so close to home on someone . None of them responded , so I had to walk away . I started the walk home again . As I knew he would the boy fell asleep on this second walk home . I tried to keep him awake . Facing me in the back seat of the stroller , he hung onto the sides while he dozed off . I locked the stroller brake in front of the house . Please go into the house and upstairs while I bring everything in I said . I want to water my sunflower said the girl about the little Styrofoam cup I had been handed by one of the teachers that morning . Where is it ? she demanded . Please go upstairs I said through my clenched jaw . No ! I want to water my flower she said picking it up from the side of the steps where I had left it in a rush this morning . She started walking towards the water tap at the front of the house . Get in the house ! I screamed . If you don 't get in the house I am going to throw away the flower ! I grabbed her arm and dragged her up the steps . I imagined that all the parents in the park across the street heard me scream . I had never screamed like that before . She started to cry . She kept talking about the flower but she went into the house . I lifted the sleeping boy out of the stroller and carried him over my shoulder while dragging the stroller up the steps behind me . I made it into the house and started taking his shoes off as I headed up to the second floor . The girl was standing at the top , still crying . I went pee she said . Good , now please go read some books in my room while I get the boy in bed . I lay him down in his bed . I debated changing his diaper but couldn 't face the possibility that it might wake him up . She followed me into the room , crying and yelling about her flower . I turned to her and screamed again . Get out ! You are not listening to me ! Get out ! I could hear her crying as she walked down the hallway to my room . I settled the boy . I took a moment to calm down . I went to her and told her I was sorry I screamed . That I was frustrated about having to go back and get her shoe . That I was angry that she wasn 't listening to me . I gave her a hug . I said she had to stay there until I came back to get her . I was feeling better . Everything was going to be fine . Then I walked into the bathroom and saw a wet cloth diaper lying on the bathroom floor . I had left it soaking in the toilet because it had been particularly foul . Now there was water and poo and a diaper on the floor . I marched back to my room where she was reading books in bed . I yelled some more and carried her to the bathroom to show her the diaper . I made her wash her hands . I cleaned the floor . I said all the things I had already said that morning . That I was angry . That I was frustrated . I left her sitting in my bed surrounded by books . I left her upset and walked away . I wish I could say the rest of the day was better . There were moments . Eventually she and I sat together on the couch , watching TV . We talked about what happened . We cuddled . But there were still more standoffs . Moments where I was overcome because she wouldn 't do what I asked . Moments where I longed for nothing more than to be somewhere else . When the husband came home I went to bed . I lay there trying to make sense of the day and figure out how it had all gone so wrong . Sometime before I fell asleep I decided that my reactions and responses were a sure sign that my period was coming . Not that it is a good excuse . But it is an explanation I recognized as the truth as soon as I thought it . The girl is asleep now . I can 't sleep . My heart is too heavy , my mind too full . We all have days of failure . I can accept that . What is hard for me is the fear that this will be a sign of things to come . I don 't want to be her friend . I know that she won 't always like me . I know that we will fight . But I want so badly , so desperately to be the mother she deserves . The mother I want . And that is why I am crying right now . The fear that I am not that mother . The scooter is fire engine red . She loved it immediately . So did her brother . They bicker over it often , but while she proclaims her ownership she still lets him ride it . The day after she opened this beloved gift from Grandma we headed to the local bike store . Before she was allowed to ride it outside of the house she needed a helmet . So did he . Bundled into the stroller we walked to the store . Once inside the girl clamored to get out and was eager to find her new helmet . The boy stayed in the stroller , awestruck by all the new things around him . The clerk fitted him for a helmet first . Bright yellow . Once it was picked he kept it on . It took longer to find her a helmet . I told the lady that her head was large for her age , that she wore hats I had bought for myself . I don 't think the clerk believed me . So we had to try lots and lots of helmet before finally moving up to a size large enough to fit . The clerk placed a pink and purple helmet that screamed I am a girl on top of her head . You 'll like this one she said , it 's pink . I grimaced . The clerk must have seen me because she added Or you could have a helmet with ladybug . I want ladybugs said the girl . So she got ladybugs . She loves her helmet almost as much as she loves her scooter . She wears it around the house . She wears it the entire time she is at the park , whether or not she is actually on her scooter . She loves the ladybugs . It starts a bit off centre , right at the top of my nose . It curves up between my eyebrows , skirting the small scar from when I picked at my chicken pox as a kid . It creeps into my forehead before suddenly stopping . An inch . Maybe an inch and a half . I have a feeling it will keep growing . I looked at myself in the mirror one morning and it was all I saw . I wondered when I had gotten so old . When I had gotten so stressed to warrant such a line . Where had it come from ? I stepped outside into the morning sun carrying a diaper bag and snacks and a stroller . Herding the kids down the stairs in front of me , I squinted at the brightness . Then I knew . The line wasn 't just from the stress of being a mom , it was an occupational hazard of improper equipment . I went back into the house for my black hat . I pulled it low onto my head , shading the line on my face . Then I started my day . His hands are so little . When I look at him across the room all I see is how big he has gotten . How tall he is . The things he can do . When he puts his hand in mine as we walk down the street it feels so small . All I think about when I lie next to him at nap time , one of his hands clutching a toy car and the other clutching one of mine , is how little his hands are . Her voice is so little . When I am with her all I hear is how old she is . How complex her sentences are . How loud her demands for snacks and her cries of excitement are . On the rare occasion when I talk to her over the phone her voice sounds so young . All I can think about as I listen on my cell phone to the rise and fall of her words is how little her voice is . They are still so little . Sometimes I forget that . Only weeks after she was born our fridge died . The electrical components simply failed and it stopped working . The power was gone . We bought a new fridge and grumbled about the age of the appliances in the house . A few short weeks later our stove slowly fell apart . First an element would no longer turn on . Then the oven . We bought a new stove . I joked that she had the power to control electricity and that she decided that she would only bestow it upon new appliances . Her will was done . He is a Virgo . An earth sign . But to me , despite his dislike of swimming , he is water . Months after he was born our dishwasher died . It would no longer turn on . Water wouldn 't run in or out of it . We had it fixed and grumbled about everything in the house needing to be replaced . A few months later the washing machine stopped working . The machine wouldn 't spin . It wouldn 't rinse . It died with a load of half - washed dirty diapers . We tried replacing one part , then another part , and finally both parts . We spent a lot of money fixing it . I became friendly with the repair man who kept having to stop by . I joked that the boy didn 't want to be left out . He wanted to exert his power too . To stake his claim on our lives . In our small kitchen we have five appliances . Two use water to help us clean . Two use electricity to help us eat . All of those have died within the first six months of the birth of one of our kids . Only the dryer stands unaffected . Who knows how long that will last . I do know the power of my kids . Maybe they don 't really have power over the elements . But they do have raging , blazing , consuming , engulfing , enveloping power over me . I resist the gender stereotypes as much as I can . Yes , she has dresses but she often wears pants . Yes , he likes balls but he also plays with dolls . She plays with boys . He plays with girls . I can feel things changing though . It makes me worried . I am suddenly seeing a difference in how the kids interact with each other . The other girls at school come dressed in princess costumes . The boys at the park play with water guns . The play is slowly diverging as I watch the boys get more physical and the girls get more intricate in their storytelling . The boys are bad robbers chasing each other and the girl play school . I try to resist encouraging the stereotypes . But sometimes I fail . I give him a bag of cars I bought second hand and he loves them . I give her frilly dress up costumes and she loves them . I shouldn 't even have them in the house . A Disney princess costume handed down from my cousins . She wore it yesterday and announced that she was a princess . How about you are a Queen I tell her . I can stomach her playing Queen . Queens are rulers and aren 't just sitting around waiting for a man to come and save / marry them . No she said I am a princess . Okay , I said , then what is your superpower ? Convinced now that princesses have superpowers she jumped very high and ran very fast . That may not work again . But I will keep trying . This morning I watched the girl at the birthday party of a dear friend of hers . The kids were babies when I met my friend and the two kids have spent many hours together over the years . Today she was the only girl at the party . Shy by nature when she finds herself in a new situation , she kept her distance from the pack of boys . While they ran around the garden she sat with me and the other adults at the table on the deck reading a book . When the boys sat together around a small table eating their hot dogs and pointing at each other yelling You 're a girl ! No , I 'm a boy ! You 're a girl I felt sad . Sad for her and what this might mean for the friendships she has with boys as they get older . Sad that there wiPosted by The boy has been weaned . It happened through a combination of seizing the opportunities presented and being ready to wean . Me being ready . After having the boy throw up on my chest three times while in the middle of nursing I decided to stop until the he was no longer horribly sick . This was a purely selfish decision . I didn 't want to keep washing throw up off my bra . But saying no to him during this time made me think that it would be nice to say no period . The idea of actually weaning him , not just talking about it , was planted in my head . Once he was better I said yes to most of his requests to nurse . But I also occasionally said no and offered him the option of a bottle of milk instead . He was uninterested in the bottle at first . I mean , why have cow milk when you can have breastmilk for free . But offering it to him got him used to holding it and playing with it and slowly he started to accepted it . While we were in Montreal I only nursed him one night . He was overtired and wasn 't happy to just lie down next to his dad and fall asleep . We hadn 't brought a bottle with us or maybe I would have tried that . I nursed him again Monday night after we were back . And that was that . We were done . He hasn 't asked nurse since Tuesday . No more head tilts . Now he climbs into bed with his bottle of milk and drinks it happily . Sometimes he passes it to me as I lie next to him at nap time , and then he snatches it back . Thursday night when the husband and I were out the babysitter watched as the girl lay next to her brother in bed holding his bottle for him while he drank it . Then she cuddled him while he fell asleep . I don 't feel sad . I feel a bit guilty that I don 't feel sad but I was done . The boy is twenty months old now and I had breastfeed longer than I did with the girl . Even though this is it , no more babies and more more breastfeeding , I don 't feel sad . I 'm ready for whatever comes next . I hear them as we start our walk across the bridge . Still pushing the stroller I see them across the street calling to us . Calling to the girl . They yell her name as loud as they can and wave to get her attention . I stop and point them out to her . She excitedly calls out their names and waves back to her two three year old friends . Two blond twin boys who love to tell her they love her . One likes to give her kisses and hugs and she gives him hugs and kisses back . I start to push the stroller again . She finishes eating her bagel and cream cheese . They keep yelling her name . All the way across the bridge they call to her . They keep their eyes on her . One knells in his stroller to get a better look at her . Even as we turn off to a side street they call her name . They smile at me as we walk by . Women swinging their lunch bags on their way to work . Men drinking coffee . Runners headed for the canal . Couples that peak into the stroller to look at my children and then share a look with each other . Some days I want to stop them before they smile . Explain to them that yes , my children are adorable but wait , there is more . That one says no to everything I ask her . He refuses to put on his coat . I just spent twenty minutes trying to get them out the door . And this is a good day . I want to tell those people that smile at my children that they sometimes drive me crazy ! I want to explain that beyond their angelic looks are two strong willed little people with thought , wants and needs that often don 't correspond with my own . But then I think they probably already know that . If they don 't they will soon learn . So I let them smile at us . I smile back . Two train rides . There and back . A bag full of cars for him and a pile of books for her . And many , many snacks . Walking down Sherbrook , the husband calling across the street to my sister . The boy calling too . Hugs and kisses and no shyness at all . Standing on the street corner drinking a latte and eating natas from the bakery box . Playing in the neighbourhood park and eating too much take - out for dinner . Kids sleeping in the stroller on the walk back to the hotel after a long day , despite my power walking and attempts to keep them awake . A ride underground on the metro . Fast , fast through the dark tunnels . Watching the other passengers and swaying with the train . Walking through the rain with my sister . Stopping for lunch and popping in and out of stores . A few hours to ourselves . Not worrying about the kids . Relishing the time together . Kids not sleeping in the hotel beds even though it is past their bedtimes . Lying under the covers snuggling while watching Alvin and the Chipmunks and eating popcorn . Lots of coffee . Not a lot of sleep . A hotel room that we trashed as if we were rock stars . Crayons on the sheets , goldfish ground into the carpet , dirty diapers in the garbage cans . Five dollars on the counter with a note of apology to the cleaner . Returning home . Besides this space , I have been enjoying my other blogging home over at Kids in the Capital . Some wonderful Ottawa bloggers have been writing some amazing posts about things they like to do with their kids in Ottawa . I have been doing some writing there too ( and actually posting a few pictures of the kids every once in awhile ) . If you live in Ottawa and aren 't already reading it you should . You should also go and enter our first giveaway to win a family photo session next Saturday . Anna is a very talented local photographer . I know she will take some wonderful photos of the winner and family . I can 't wait to see them . This day is like any other . I mother them just the same . They may give me extra hugs and presents and hand print flowers that she made at school , but there isn 't any difference . Every day I am a mother . Every day I do this job . I do it willingly . I do lovingly . I do it consciously . I mother them like I would want to be mothered . Sometimes my voice is raised , sometimes my patience leaves me . Always I am trying , just like they are trying . We are partners , them and I . We work together every day to enjoy each other , learn from each other , be kind to each other . Every day I am their mother and they are my family . I know it is there but it always catches me by surprise . When I shut down the open windows on the laptop I see their faces staring back at me . The two of them sitting on the couch beside each other . The Christmas tree behind her right shoulder . One of her legs is drawn up and her smile is stretching across her face . A cautious smile after a laugh . She holds a box of Diego band aids in one hand and a yellow band aid in the other . His expression is one of muddled surprise . The index finger of his left hand plays with his left ear . His right hand rests on his head . He is about to speak . The both stare up beyond the photographer . It is a funny picture . The expressions are slightly off kilter . And yet somehow this photo does more than just make me smile . It shows me their spirits . Close your eyes and you can smell him . His head is nestled under your chin . His hair tickles your nose . You close your eyes to block out the sights and sounds of the park and the street beside you . You wrap one arm around him and grab hold of the swing with the other . He snuggles deeper into your lap . You push back with your feet and then sail forward . Back and forth you swing together . Eyes closed so that you can smell the smell of him . We headed to the local gelato parlour a few blocks from our house . The girl holding my hand , walking beside me and the husband pushing the boy in the stroller . We waited in line and I explained repeatedly to the girl why we had to wait at the end of the line instead of the front . We bought two kid cones . One vanilla and one strawberry . When the strawberry gelato melted below the top of the girl 's waffle cone she handed it to me . Didn 't she want to eat it , I thought to myself perplexed . I was happy to have it but couldn 't believe that she was done . There I realized that she thought the gelato was done . Usually the ice cream treats she had were served up at home in a bowl . This was her first ice cream cone and she didn 't know that she could eat it along with the sweet goodness inside . So I held the cone in front of her and showed her how she could bite into it . She did . Happily . The boy ate some of his gelato , but left most of it for me . This was a good thing . Because while the girl was thrilled to consume her gelato and cone , I was less than thrilled to be wearing mine . Sick boys , even those that haven 't thrown up in over six hours , should apparently not eat gelato . Bodies are amazing things . The intricate workings of which I do not remotely understand , but still they amaze me . That I somehow conceived and bore these children amazes me . That one of said children can consume and then expel such a large volume of fluids amazes me most of all . Especially when he expels it all over me . Thursday night I was sick . The husband was out and I was home alone putting both kids to bed . In retrospect the fact that the girl had a complete meltdown and cried through dinner should have been a sign that something was wrong . Missed that . Instead I made them sit through dinner before taking them up to bed . By the time pajamas were on she was exhausted . Still , she mustered enough energy to resist sleeping in her bed . Finally , finally she feel asleep in her brother 's bed and slept through my moving her back to her own . The boy was harder to get to sleep . He was persistent in his resistance . I think it was some kind of test to my endurance because as soon as he was asleep I walked out of his room , down the stairs to the kitchen and grabbed a bowl . I threw up once , twice , three times . Amazing . My body knew what it needed to do , but kindly waited until I was done doing what I needed to do . I guess I should be thankful for that . However , the husband is never allowed to go out at night ever again . The last time I had to put the boy to bed myself so he could go out I threw up then too . Twice may not make a pattern , but it is pattern enough for me . Friday morning I stayed in bed . The husband went to work late , allowing me to recover from the violence of the illness . The rest of the day was fine . We all muddled through . Friday night I sat on the boy 's bed nursing him , looking forward to a few minutes to myself once he was asleep , when he unlatched and threw up all over my chest and arms . A lot . I managed to identify orange pieces . I screamed . It seemed the only appropriate reaction . The girl , who wasn 't asleep yet , sat up in bed and the husband came running up the stairs . There were outfit changes for both oPosted by |
Published on February 18 , 2017 by paulmiller742 Comments We 're pleased to have you for a visit , Mr . Landau . It 's not often we have a man of letters in these parts . I hear your stories are quite popular in some sets , though I 'm not much of a reader , I 'll admit . You look tired , though . I hope the train ride wasn 't too long ? Now , mind that step , bless you . These stairs are narrow and a mite crooked , but I 'm sure you 'll get the hang of them soon enough . Now , what is this ? I 'm sure I told that girl to sweep up here . Well , old houses , you know . Now , this is the garret , as you can see , but we 've given it a lovely sprucing up . You like the color ? Mother was worried that it was too green , but I said it made the place seem quite sunny , though I don 't suppose the rug goes very well now that I look at it . The windows stick now and again , if we 've had rain - which you know is often out in these parts - but if you give the casing a good whack , they 'll come open fine . This one has the best view . Oh dear , mind your head , Mr . Landau . It 'll take you a while to get accustomed to the ceilings , like as not . You are a tall one , I 'll say that , and willowy . See out there ? Isn 't that nice ? Just below is the lake , which I 'll grant you looks a bit bleak just now , but in a few weeks , it 'll be surrounded with flowers - purple and blue and little ones of yellow that you only see when you 're down walking through them . Now that , out there , is Grandy Mountain , which 'll wear that bonnet of snow all the year , even in July , when we 're all broiling like pigs over a spit down here . There 's paths up , but some safer than others , so you 'll need to ask around before you set off on any exploring . But then , I suppose you might not be the sporting type . Now , here I 've been gabbing away and not telling you where to put down your trunk . Oh , but then so you have and over there , too , in that spot . Oh dear . Well , I don 't see why not . I suppose if it crimps the edge of mother 's rug , we can somehow smooth it out . Maybe over the kettle . Oh and so you 're moving it , are you ? Well , it might be for the best . I 'd recommend putting it there , in the front gable . That way you can walk straight up to it as you need and not bump your head . Is it as heavy as all that , sir ? You do look a mite strained , Mr . Landau . In Dr . Dransfield 's letter , he said you were sick from exhaustion , so I imagine you 'll be needing plenty of rest . Well , as you can imagine , sir , we have a surplus of quiet out here in our little corner of the world . Mother has the preacher - and sometimes Anna , that is Ms . Galvistan - out for Sunday supper every week , but generally it 's just the two of us , so you shan 't have to worry about the noise of comings and goings . Now , I 've put this table here for your typewriter . It 's mother 's sewing table , but the contraption 's been on the fritz , so we sent it to London to have it looked at . It 's quite a sturdy little table , though not very big . You could open the top to make it a little bigger , but then there 'd be the hole and what good would that do you , I ask ? I 'd only request that you leave this bit of oil cloth in place , so as not to scratch the wood . Mother thinks it 's walnut and very fine , though I suspect it 's only the finish . Still , she 'd be so heart - broken if it were gauged by your typewriter . I will admit to knowing a little something about you besides that you 're a writer , Mr . Landau . A little something which has made mother and me very sympathetic to your plight . It was Mrs . Whitticombe , who does over our bonnets , who told us about it . She 's a terrible gossip and that son of hers , Jimmy - the one who up and went off to work in the theatre - well , he 's the one who told her . She says that Jimmy 's getting very important in London , but Mrs . Whitticombe likes to put on airs , so there 's no telling the truth of that . She tried to sell me feathers for my autumn bonnet once ; said they were ring tail pheasant , but I could tell she 'd marked plain ones in with paint . It didn 't look natural , at all . Still , out here in the provinces , when there is only one woman who 's any good with hats , you have to make do and put up with the prattle . Isn 't that right , Mr . Landau ? Well , I only wanted to say , mother and I are very sympathetic , dear man . I blessedly have never had the misfortune of falling in love - indeed , I think I 'm missing the part that fancies men very much . Not that I mean to say … Well , I mean , I think love is a rather foolish thing . That is all . I think people like you must take it all the harder , isn 't that right , Mr . Landau ? I mean , artist , they say , are quite sensitive people really . Mother says they take things harder than other folks . So , we 've made a pact - mother and I have - to be sure you 're not bothered by a soul while you 're up here . You shall have as much peace and quiet as you need and before you know it , sir , you 'll be right as rain . Now , enough of that , Mr . Landau . I can see you 're getting all the more strained by the minute . I know I shouldn 't have brought it up , but I just thought you 'd like to know you have our sympathies . It 's always the delicate ones who the girls throw over for men with charm and swagger . We 're terrible , fickle creatures , mother always says , and not to be trusted . Oh , dear , you have got a look about you , sir . Quite pale , you 've gotten . But to business , sir . I 've cleared out this wardrobe for your things . It smelled of mouse , I worried , so I hung some lavender in it . Then mother said gentlemen didn 't like to smell of sachets , so I had the girl take the lavender down and scrub it good with lemon oil . It turned out quite nice , if a bit pungent . I hope it 'll do . Oh , I see you 've found the bed . My goodness , you 're a quiet one , aren 't you ? Well , I had wanted to point out that mother volunteered her favorite coverlet because it 's so pretty , but she did ask that I show you the lace along the edge , so that you 'd be extra careful of it while you stayed . No , no , sir . Not that edge . It 's here , under your boot . Oh heavens , and it 's so delicate . I think it was rather extravagant of mother , poor dear . I don 't think you 'll be able to relax at all , knowing that lace will be ripped to shreds by the time your stay is over . I have a nice wool blanket , plain but sturdy , that I shall bring up before supper . Never fear , sir . We 'll have everything sorted soon enough . I did want to tell you about dinner , because mother is very strict about sitting down , only because she 's rather cross if the cabbage goes cold . When you hear the bell , it means five minutes until we sit down . If you prefer to take dinner in your room , you may let me know earlier in the day . I don 't suppose you 're much of an eater , but I hope our chilly air will enliven your stomach . Hot meals are the best way to keep the bones warm . Oh sir , I hate to see you getting up if you 're so tired . I told you I would tend to the coverlet later . You are a dear . Mother was given that coverlet by a very fine lady who stayed here many years ago . A shy enough creature , delicate like yourself , who cut her summer short quite out of the blue . She sent us a letter , weeks later along with the coverlet , apologizing for her hasty departure . I think she was the type who enjoys the city more than the countryside . It seemed her nerves only got worse the longer she stayed with us . Poor dear . Now , if you open the window today , Mr . Landau , it may get a bit chilly by sunset . The draft is the devil . Oh , my ! What a whack you 've got on you , but as I said , that is the only way to get it open . That is rather a lot to open it , dear sir . It may stick if you open it so far . I had wanted to have the girl take some beeswax along the case , but you know she said she needed to get home for supper and I thought perhaps that was a hint that she thought we ought to offer her some of ours and I hadn 't made very much that day . Well , and the girl is a rather large creature with a big appetite . I think her people are Welsh and you know how they eat , sir . Well , and so you 're putting your trunk on the sill . Sir , is that wise ? Well - oh my ! There it goes ! If I didn 't know better , Mr . Landau , I would have thought you sent that out on purpose . Mr . Landau , what in heavens name are you up to ? Do you need air ? My goodness , you 're far too long legged to try to fold yourself through that opening . My goodness , it 's like watching a spider coming out of the drain . Mr . Landau , have you quite lost your senses ? Oh ! What madness ! I hope he hasn 't fallen on mother 's hydrangea . She is terribly particular about them and they barely came back last year , what with all them mites and then the mildew . Mr . Landau ? Mr . Landau , what were you thinking ? Oh my , and now he 's up and over the hedge . How peculiar . Published on February 12 , 2017February 12 , 2017 by paulmiller74Leave a comment I wouldn 't say we were friends . It may have looked like that for a while - at the beginning - but before long the whole thing sort of plateaued . We ended up merely acquaintances , the people who will stand together at a party if the rest of the company is flat . We were a bookend match of each other 's awkwardness , holding our drinks close to our chins as our arms tried to fold themselves over our chests , while one hand took orders from the brain to dose hard early because this gathering was going to suck . She went by Caro in college , although when we were in junior high school she was called Carol or sometimes Fats . In tenth grade , before Mom and I moved away , she found the theater club , dyed her hair red , and dropped the ' l ' . She also dropped thirty pounds and found a light , languid gait unlike the slightly panicked walk - run that used to propel her into classrooms just after the bell . Damned if Carol didn 't always knock something over with her backpack trying to slip into her seat unnoticed . But not Caro . This new tenth - grade artsy - fartsy goddess entered the room within a cocoon of laughing thespians , her auburn waves falling over her eyes , pushed back with a careless gesture now and again as she rolled her eyes at the droll nonsense of her troupe . No shit . Every day of tenth grade her entrance to Mr . Martolli 's class played like the opening credits of a show about with - it teens figuring out life while giggling over Twizzlers . " Me watching you make milkshakes for minimum wage when you should be learning ? Knowing all the while the only reason for it is my being too proud to ask that woman for help … " Mom was washing dishes . Her gaze slipped out the window , whisked the worn picnic table and brown grass of the yard , and rose to the pale blue November sky . The silence stretched and I almost tried to make my pitch again . I was licking my lips and taking a breath when she finished her thought . " It would kill me to see you working instead of being in school . We 're going to Perryville and that 's that . It 's a year . We 'll technically be closer to Johns Hopkins there than we are here and their program is good . " " We don 't know anyone there . I can 't keep working . You can 't quit school . We 're going to live with your grandma . " The last day of school in Virginia floated along like a dream . A friend had got me a card that played a song from Peanuts and someone else thrust a balloon tied to a candy bar in my hand . I was always vague about who had done it , although everyone knew I loved candy . I spent too much time on the drive trying to figure it out . When we got to the bridge at Havre de Grace , I put it out of my mind , knowing on a visceral level that in ten minutes we 'd be carrying suitcases into Grandma 's house and that from then on out , it would be a daily battle to find any calm . And not just watching Mom fight for her life . My stomach was already in knots ; I twisted around in the car seat to watch the sunset poking through the steel arch of the bridge . I didn 't see Caro for three years . I had kind of forgotten she existed . High school wasn 't when we started talking . It was in college , when Mom and I moved back to Virginia . I was a year behind because we had to wait to reestablish our residency for in - state tuition . I was surprised to see Caro in a class with me ; surprised she was studying science , too . " Well , acting is fun , but I get too nervous , " she told me once . " Like everyone says they do , too , but this one time I was so close to puking on stage that I realized I needed another option . My Dad suggested I rethink science , which I loved first . It felt right . " I looked away , swallowing a chalky little bitterness that I always felt when people talked about their fathers . I wondered if I 'd ever stop being jealous of that . It drove me crazy because I knew my mom ought to be enough . She certainly worked her ass off to fill the void . We were standing amid the trees in the quad , watching clouds thicken and tighten above us . Other students were ambling about , some clinging to their perches in the grass , determined to stay until the rain chased them off . I remember watching the president of the university pacing in her private garden at the top of the hill , disappearing and reappearing from behind a bronze bust of Mary Wollstonecraft . She was talking into her cell phone , her face pale within a frame of black hair and red dress . She shrugged and I realized then she didn 't play this game . Caro the actress with the red hair and the nose ring . Carol the bookworm who 'd come packaged with a beaker if she were a doll . These girls didn 't talk smack . That 's why we 'd never really be friends . I 'd spend a lifetime figuring out the shape of the world by critiquing others as harshly as I would myself . Girls like Caro would opt for a simple motto like ' be nice ' . I side - eyed her then , thinking that she was the princess whether she liked it or not . It was her right . It came with being beautiful and kind and natural and smart . Caro was all the things they try to show us about the princess , the qualities so remarkable that they come wrapped in a ball gown and a tiara . She had all the things that draw men and magic and sometimes foes . I didn 't want to be her enemy . Yet I couldn 't see how to be her friend , either , because she seemed to exist on a higher plane of self - confidence . I was sure I 'd never know how to breathe that air . " Anyway , " I said . I tried to sound light . ( I always tried to sound light back then . ) " I realize now that none of those Disney witches are very real . I 'd settle for being Dorothy Parker . " I had to explain to her who that was and I knew she barely found it interesting . Still , we found things to talk about in the coming years , dosing ourselves with gin and tonics , two people who sometimes defaulted to chatter when the room wasn 't entirely ours . And later I realized that we didn 't exist on a different tier ; we were just two kinds of people whose overlapping interests made a narrow bridge , hastily traversed in youth and vanity . Now I would try to take it slower , see what developed if we walked instead of driving . Later the loneliness is edging close as thankfully my husband joins me in a cap to keep his ears warm . And so we take turns cracking through tree roots and pulling up stones . Helpmates . Silent in our grief , the passing of our ginger cat . The scratch of iron and rock make a sharp cry to break the calm of the woods , fittingly rough , like how we aren 't ready to let go . Finally the hole is deep enough . We climb the steep hill and I take off my muddy boots before entering the house . My eye drops toward the floor as I push the door open , to where he usually stands with curious eyes asking to go out . I cannot give a moment for tears just yet . I push through the house , to the cool spare room , where he waits in his carrier . I take him outside and together my husband and I wrap him up for burial . He weighs the same in my hands as he ever did . Or is he lighter now , not twisting to protest being cradled like a human baby ? I feel he must be given a final hug , something to say that inside the bundle is still the lovely creature who shared so many years with us . I curve around his still form , weeping freely , my husband weeping with me , the two of us with rubbery garden gloves , hands a little cartoonish , eyes as red as pickled eggs . Somehow we fitted his resting place perfectly . The bundle settles into the depression as if sized by tireless craft , rather than the educated guess of two men unfamiliar with the digging of graves . I gather a wad of mud between my hands , say a word of good - bye and sprinkle him over with earth . My husband says his farewell and reaches out to let his gathered clay fall like dark heavy snow . I am careful with the first shovels - full of dirt , filling in the edges until the ground is level with the top of him . Then another level until the black bundle is covered over . When the ground is filled in again , we pull a rake over the earth until it is smooth . Then I rake away the autumn leaves because they make his resting place seem too forlorn . I decide we ought to cover him over in stones to keep animals from digging him up . We root around at the edge of the woods as the day opens up bright and warm above us . The mud on ours boots grows thicker as we work . We cannot seem to stop hunting for new stones . I like best the ones from under the leaves , the ones cleaned by a recent rain . One crude rock at a time , we build a mound to cover the grave of this our very old friend . We are silent a moment more before taking up the shovel and the rake and climbing the hill . At the side of the house , I realize we have forgotten the pick axe . When I return to the edge of the woods to fetch it , I see a small rock winking up from the ground . I almost turn away from it , but it seems that in noticing it , I ought to add it to the mound . In the weeks after the election , George felt at loose ends , like a person who has set a task for themselves and forgotten it . There was a sense that he had unfinished business to attend . In the manners and the eyes of his friends , he saw a similarly implacable restlessness . He swept the grass with the rake on a warm Thursday in mid - November ; after the late frost the trees let loose the rest of their leaves and he set to work again . Still the winds that beckoned December brought more organic litter to the grass . He started to put on his boots one Sunday afternoon to go out once more for raking . Instead , he let the leather and laces slip through his fingers . The heel made a dull thud on the floor and he stared at his socked foot too long . He began to see the problem at last . In putting all his hope into one outcome , he had reserved nothing to buoy him in the event of disappointment . Despite a certain degree of intellectual wariness , in his heart he had been certain . And that certainty had been ripped away ; like a thing ingrown it had taken some heart flesh with it . Although it made him want to laugh at himself to admit it , he discovered that he was in mourning . Election years had always been fraught with anxiety . This one was heartbreaking . 2000 . 2004 . Yet some had ended with a sense of joy . He would never forget watching a young black family take to the stage in a freezing Chicago park ; a warm blaze of red against black on the stomach of a future first lady ; a halo of light behind a pair of pronounced ears ; the rich manly voice ringing out into the night , promising brighter days ahead . The camera cut away to tears glistening in the eyes of people uplifted by hope . He didn 't want to call his mother to talk about politics . It was something they hadn 't agreed on since he was a child with no perspective of his own . Still he wanted to give her a chance to change her mind . They chatted about nothing memorable for a moment . George took a deep breath and launched into it . " Mom , I want to talk about the election and I want you to hear me out . " " I just don 't understand why you think they are your party . You are a lower middle class woman and they don 't give a shit about your rights . All they care about it tax breaks for the rich . " He knew then that she was not going to change her vote . Not even an appeal to her to stand with him would pull her away from the party that she called her own . If blood was thicker than water , than ballot ink was as viscous as cooling lead . They had only been dating for a few months when election day suddenly was upon them . When Ray wasn 't in school and when George wasn 't at work , the two of them were living each hour of each day as one seamless and unending date . They drove through all the little towns in the valley , walking through junk shops and eating in little pubs . Heavy sandwiches , dark brown beer . They found hidden areas in the woods and made love under a canopy of trees that was bright green when they first discovered one another . The tent was bones and blue heaven and a few stray leaves when November found them huddled against an ancient oak , watching the distant sparkle of afternoon light on the river . Their breathing was growing soft again when George said they would need to hurry back to the car if they would get to the polls in time . He wasn 't entirely sure of when voting ended , but he knew he didn 't want to miss it . The last time the president had been chosen , he 'd been on the other side of the political gulf and he needed this vote to express his own personal journey . It meant less to Ray , who was less certain about politics . They 'd learned not to discuss abortion ; protective of their shared peace , they sheltered themselves from disputes . They took a scenic route across the county for George to vote in an old school - house where his family had voted for decades . After he cast his ballot , he took an ' I Voted ' sticker from an old woman wearing a cream cardigan over a flowered dress . It took a few tries to get it to affix to his thin jacket and he was still pressing it when he climbed back into the beat - up Dodge Omni . Ray was looking thoughtful . While they drove through the three counties that separated their polling places , the sky darkened to a smoky violet . George felt himself getting anxious . They should have spent less time in shops and at the pub earlier in the day ; less time making love in the woods on the side of the road . When he glanced over at Ray , he saw his lover wearing a tense expression unfamiliar to his typically jovial countenance . As another town receded in the rearview mirror , George pressed the car to go faster . George watched for a phone booth as they climbed up into the mountains . Finally they saw one in a yellow fluorescent glow up ahead . George pulled nettles out of his sweater sleeve while Ray stood in the golden nimbus , leaning into the phone as a wind kicked up , scattering rusty leaves into the dusk . It was hard to find the polling place . Twice they passed it and when at last they pulled into the lot , the absence of any line and the presence of only a single car made them suspect they were too late . Ray clambered out and George watched him talk to an old guy who was standing at the doorway of the fire hall , wearing a hat lettered with VFW . Ray 's shoulders drooped as he walked forward into the headlights . It didn 't take them long to shake off their disappointment . At least they each did a good job of finding things to talk about and to laugh about . George 's ears popped at they descended into Virginia ; he couldn 't remember if they 'd gone funny on the way up into the mountains . They moved softly into the night , the cold and glistening world outside of the vehicle vast and mysterious . Time would ink the map of their future , but there would always be something left uncharted . It was both a terror and a comfort were they to ponder it , but all they wanted just then was to get home . And they were thinking about ingredients : potatoes , celery , carrots , cream , salt , pepper , flour , stock . Published on October 26 , 2016October 26 , 2016 by paulmiller74Leave a comment Felix went all in to help Adele with her final performance in acting class . Perhaps he was regretting that he hadn 't signed up for 201 with her ; every time they hung out with friends from the first class , they said they missed him . Weeks before the end of semester , he had mapped out a plan for Adele . He chose the monologue , coached her through it line by line , designed the set , and did her hair and makeup . All because she looked like Bette Davis . There were times when Adele begged to abandon the project . One night she came really close to putting her foot down entirely . When she yet again failed to enunciate her lines with the proper Davis clarity , she tossed herself across the battered sectional in Felix 's basement . Hugging a pillow close to her chest , she suggested she might rather do the monologue from Fame , which she still remembered from high school . It was a little on the short side , but she even had the clothes she 'd worn . The leg warmers were doing double duty as curtain tiebacks in her bedroom . He motioned for her to stand , and she rolled her eyes , but she climbed out of the sunken cushions . She had the big eyes and the small mouth and if she could just learn to actually be dramatic and articulate all at once , while not dropping a line or forgetting a mark , then she 'd be fine . His big obstacle was getting her to embrace the bigness of the part . Adele had a dry , close - lipped personality , but for this she 'd need to have sweep and volume . Secretly Adele thought the lines were corny , but Felix was protective of his heroes . " Bette exudes corruption once you get to the end and look back on it , but for at least the first half , you 're convinced she 's the classic woman wronged . She plays it so well . " His eyes would drop to the floor each time he praised the long dead actress , as if embarrassed that Adele might feel inadequate by comparison . She could have told him she didn 't like that whole old style - people didn 't act like that anymore - but they 'd had exhaustive talks about it in the past . He thought there simply wasn 't enough guts and saliva in modern theater . That night they watched the movie together again . Maybe for the first time ever , Adele was glad she wasn 't stoned because there were some line readings that would give a nun church giggles . Glancing over at Felix , she saw a pleased little smile on his lips . With his dyed black hair and painted on brows and lips , he looked vampiric in the television light . Not that she would ever tell him ; he was too vain about his looks already . He 'd spent almost two months pay on green contact lenses to look like Louis from The Vampire Lestat . And one night he told her about an exhaustive face lightening regimen that involved peroxide and a nail brush . " You two still working on the play ? " Jean asked . She was dressed in denims that rose all the way up to her bra and a sweat shirt with an appliquéd kitten clambering anxiously out of a watering can . Her shoulder length hair was messy except for scrupulously combed bangs . " Ha , ha , " Jean laughed . " Well , Felix , you ought to give Adele a break . You two could come upstairs and eat with me . I made goulash . " Adele never knew how to act around Jean . If she followed Felix 's example , her demeanor would hardly be warm . She was raised to be polite to elders , but like her friend she wasn 't always comfortable with chit - chat . As usually happened , a silence stretched between the three of them and eventually Jean edged towards the steps . When she 'd gone , Felix made a little face . It wasn 't exactly mocking , but it seemed to say , ' What just happened ? ' As if it were odd that a mom would offer supper to two teenagers who rarely left her basement except to go to their classes . Feeling angry at him but unsure of exactly why , Adele took a deep breath and began her monologue . When she turned on her car lights , they shone through the patio doors of the basement , and she saw that Felix had already put the movie back on . If she knew him at all , he 'd make a run upstairs for goulash in about two minutes . But he wouldn 't eat it with Jean . The day of the performance was hectic . Felix had made a list of all the things they needed from home . Adele would bring her own extensive makeup kit , a curling iron , bobby pins , and the 1940 's outfit she 'd borrowed from one of her mother 's friends . He would bring a piece of plastic rattan valance to wrap around the base of a plant he was borrowing from the admissions lobby . This would help make the set look more Malaysian , he determined . And he had a piece of cloth his dad had brought from Guam that they could drape over the This - End - Up sofa ubiquitous to all theater department performances at the college . Tension propelled them through makeup in near silence , but they started to get testy with one another while he was curling her hair . Worrying that he 'd burn her skin and ruin the show , his hands trembled and he got the waves around her face wrong . Luckily her brow was just as high and rounded as Bette 's because he doubted he could have talked her into shaving back her hairline , even though Davis had done it herself twice in her career , both times to play Elizabeth I . Finally there was nothing else he could do and Felix had to leave the stage area and take a seat with the class . As he watched Adele perform her scene , he was glad they 'd chosen dark green for her outfit , but he couldn 't help but feel she never quite rose above a level of emotion one might call robotic . It was worse than that she wasn 't as fiery as his favorite actress . Rather she was flat , like someone who 'd never felt anything before . Maybe she was on the sociopath spectrum , he wondered . Was there a spectrum for that ? The class applauded nicely for Adele . After the curtain closed on stage , Professor Dupree studied Felix for an awkward moment . He imagined she was realizing how much of a role he 'd played in Adele 's final project . Impulsively , he leaned towards her and made a bold suggestion . For a moment , it seemed that the two women were transmitting a silent message to each other . Felix felt if he had a moment , he might figure it out . But then someone up on stage was asking who brought the plastic rattan valance . They needed to break things down quickly to do their monologue from Fame . Adele was sitting on a picnic table on the smoker 's terrace . She 'd unbuttoned the vintage blouse a little , but left her hair up off her neck and face . In the harsh afternoon light , the makeup looked thick , but her eyes were magnificent . He shook a cigarette from his pack as he approached her . He lit his cigarette with a lighter that had a spent flint . After a moment it sparked , but it was too late to continue to argue her defense . He said instead , " You want to come over tonight . We can watch whatever you want . " Published on October 25 , 2016October 25 , 2016 by paulmiller74Leave a comment I came to the party to see both the brothers . Strangely it was not the one I was in love with who I hoped to hook up with before going home . The one I loved was not an option , a guy a couple of years older than me who was strictly into girls . But his brother , Dillon , was what we called open . We had fooled around in the back of my car once , parked behind the high school , but it hadn 't ended great . He 'd been too drunk to concentrate and finally we straightened up the seats and I drove him back to his car across town . I still thought about him a lot - the taste and feel and scent of him and perhaps most that things ended so incompletely . He was slenderer than his brother , with a long bony nose and bright green eyes hidden under meticulously polished spectacles . These weren 't eyeglasses as I knew them back then : the huge plastic frames that hid half the face . These were small , clever , brass . They made him look bookish and vaguely historical , which was probably why he chose them . Maybe too why I romanticized him so much . I used to study Linus like a painter does a muse , but when the muse doesn 't welcome the scrutiny , there are too many veils to peel away . I wanted intimacy with him and when I was so young my hormones and naïveté conspired to convince me that was unattainable . Because the way I saw getting there was steeped in sex and sexuality . I 'd never had a solid friendship with a man and didn 't know how that was supposed to work . Even as the summer of my eighteenth year grew sweatier and more still , all the mild breezes of spring spent , even as I fell more in love with Linus , there were more chances to spend time with his brother . We met with mutual friends at the tea house , bantering about topical things now forgotten , smoking too many cigarettes . He had a hunger about him . Despite the fact that he was handsome and athletic , Dillon seemed to always search your glance for admiration . I sensed it about him and I was put off by it . Perhaps I preferred the enigma that was his older brother . Still I enjoyed watching Dillon for months before our singular hook up . He had golden skin and dark golden curls . His legs were covered in golden hair and rippled with muscles he 'd built playing soccer . His hands were broad and square and capable , his lips each full and quick with a reckless grin . Then a friend of mine who went to military academy with him told me how he used to sleep with a boy that was their classmate . I hadn 't seen this coming . Dillon seemed unattainable until that morsel of gossip . Shortly after , he and I were the last ones to close down the teahouse - me lingering later than was my wont - and with only a slight pass , I opened the door to the fleeting encounter behind the high school . It was sexy and yet not sexy all at once . In later years I wished I 'd made more of the night . We should have gotten out of the car and wandered down over the hill into the grass . There ought to have been night sky and the summer cacophony of cricket and cicada and swiftly running brook . When they invited me to the party , I was surprised to be asked . I never really thought anyone liked me very much and was often taken aback to be included . I didn 't know if it were Dillon or Linus who proposed my name . I never found out , not that it came to matter . It was odd to be there , wanting to be loved by one brother and to have sex with the other . Perhaps it wasn 't so much about want as realism and expediency . I knew I stood a chance with Dillon . Linus thought of me as merely a new friend . As the guests started to leave in groups , while I was hiding in the library , I heard Linus head out with his girlfriend . Their mother even said good night , making a lot of noise about the clean up waiting until the morning . There was one person left standing in the foyer with Dillon when I peered out from the library . It was a girl he 'd been talking to much of the night . She had curves for days and hair like an angel in a Renaissance painting . Dillon glanced my way and rather than be caught , I barreled out a little too quickly , pretending to only then discover how the house had emptied . The girl with the beautiful hair said she needed to get home ; she was going on a long road trip the next day . Dillon gave her a kiss before closing the door . He peered through the sidelight until she drove away . When he turned to study me , I dropped my gaze . It occurred to me that we hadn 't really spoken much since the night in the car . We 'd never been alone together since then . I wished I 'd never come tonight , but a part of me longed for a chance to be with him again . There was a lonely craving in me that supplanted all better judgment . He shrugged and I followed him into his bedroom down the hall . We sat on the bed and looked at an album cover together while he talked about things that happened at the party . The scent of him made a kaleidoscope of butterflies circle in my stomach . When I put a hand on his thigh , he stiffened . I faltered as he turned his brown eyes on me . Dillon always seemed to have laughing eyes , but tonight they were impenetrable , dense and cold like a pond in winter . I felt myself grow smaller . The funny thing is that I can 't remember how I responded . I didn 't say anything to him to change his mind . Yet how he looked as I left or whether I stumbled out or was walked to the door are facts lost to time . What I do remember is the light in his room . There was only one lamp in a corner , casting long shadows over our suddenly sordid tableau . Shadows trailed from his lashes and from his bed and from the soles of my feet to the top of my head . Maybe he softened his rebuke with a smile . I honestly couldn 't say . The drive back from their remote home on the river seemed interminable . It was hard to believe I 'd only passed these landmarks a few hours earlier . The night had left me hanging open , exposed and restless . With the windows down , I could feel the coldness of March on my skin and moving through my hair . I should have turned on the radio and filled my bandwidth with raucous sound , but I made the trip home in silence , wondering what Dillon would tell his brother about my failed pass . The evening was thick , scented with a rain to come , and in the distance he could hear the traffic that ran alongside the subway station . It was late and he was the only one waiting just now . At last he took his phone from his pocket . He stared down at it for a moment before calling home . She answered on the second ring . " Of the four card machines , two were out of order , so the lines were twice as long as ever . I almost made it , ran all the way down and even scratched my leg on the escalator , but I was just a couple of seconds too late . I 'm sorry , Mariam . " " Isn 't he though ? " he said . Perhaps she would direct her ire at the man who always gave him a ride to the end of their drive , providing he didn 't have to wait . " It really was too much this last time . He 's so rude . " He didn 't know what to say . They both knew they couldn 't afford the repairs . As it was , they were always a month behind on the house payment . Their little house with the crack in the stoop and the stink of mildew in the bathroom , it was a little bit of nothing that even so they could scarcely afford . How did she imagine that repairing the car was going to happen ? When the train got beyond Mauricetown , the city glow was blotted out by the overhanging trees . If he pressed his face to the glass , he could watch the fireflies begin to light , green stars in a galaxy of woods . He noticed them last week , when he was late the last time . They weren 't visible on the earlier trip ; the waning days of summer were still too bright at that time to note them . But if one missed the train and came on the very next one , there they were , something hopeful and beautiful to watch all the dreary ride homeward . He recalled a night when he was a child , when his father was still alive . It had been the two of them and his sister , returning from the barn after feeding the animals . They spilled out into the night , the three of them , when the sky was purple all but for a ribbon of gold over the mountains . It was hard to tell how long they stood there , three side by side , so calm and happy together , unlike so many other times . Whether it was a minute or an hour , in the years after , he learned it was not long enough . Had he deliberately missed the train tonight so that he 'd see these fireflies again ? He wondered about that , unable to answer . There had been no broken machines at the station . He 'd just sort of moved too slow , his mind elsewhere , until suddenly he heard the train departing . It would never do to let Mariam know the truth . At the end of the station lot , where a strip mall butted up seamlessly , his gaze fell briefly on the spot where Will usually parked his car while at work . The slot was empty , as he already knew it would be . He faced the street toward home and started walking away from the town . He might have called Mariam , told her he couldn 't get a signal at Dunn Grave , told her he 'd wait in the vestibule of the Target until she drove up to get him . Instead , he headed toward home , grim and sure of the argument that would await . He would never know why suddenly he couldn 't lie to placate her , but he trudged into the shadows of the county road like a child going to meet the strap . When the last street light was at his back , he started to notice the fireflies again . He thought of a spot on the road ahead where he could sit and watch them ; the porch steps of an empty , plain farm house overgrown with Virginia creeper . The iron gate cried out when he pressed through , and while it startled an owl out of a hole in the eaves , it did not startle him . Nothing about the house frightened him tonight , though at times he 'd thought it vaguely sinister . In the autumn , if he glanced over just as his car lights flashed on the dusty window glass , he feared seeing a grim face looking out . Tonight it was merely a lonely old thing , dead inside and out , with a little of its bones poking through its outsides , like a deer rotting open on the roadside . It had been a long time since the night that he and his sister and his father shared this simple pleasure . He remembered when the memory of it still was fresh , when he was a younger man , and he recalled that for a while it lay dormant , pushed aside by many other cares , only some his own . But since last week , it was as clear as if it had just happened . It seemed like a sort of magic was waiting to unfold . Perhaps there was an enchanted door somewhere , maybe inside the old house , that would spill him out into that other meadow and that other night . He could steal up softly beside the three figures , the tall one and two little ones . His steps would have to be still , so as not to frighten them , but if he could manage it , he 'd stay as long as they had stayed and then he 'd wait longer still , until the last light went out . |
Published on February 18 , 2017 by paulmiller742 Comments We 're pleased to have you for a visit , Mr . Landau . It 's not often we have a man of letters in these parts . I hear your stories are quite popular in some sets , though I 'm not much of a reader , I 'll admit . You look tired , though . I hope the train ride wasn 't too long ? Now , mind that step , bless you . These stairs are narrow and a mite crooked , but I 'm sure you 'll get the hang of them soon enough . Now , what is this ? I 'm sure I told that girl to sweep up here . Well , old houses , you know . Now , this is the garret , as you can see , but we 've given it a lovely sprucing up . You like the color ? Mother was worried that it was too green , but I said it made the place seem quite sunny , though I don 't suppose the rug goes very well now that I look at it . The windows stick now and again , if we 've had rain - which you know is often out in these parts - but if you give the casing a good whack , they 'll come open fine . This one has the best view . Oh dear , mind your head , Mr . Landau . It 'll take you a while to get accustomed to the ceilings , like as not . You are a tall one , I 'll say that , and willowy . See out there ? Isn 't that nice ? Just below is the lake , which I 'll grant you looks a bit bleak just now , but in a few weeks , it 'll be surrounded with flowers - purple and blue and little ones of yellow that you only see when you 're down walking through them . Now that , out there , is Grandy Mountain , which 'll wear that bonnet of snow all the year , even in July , when we 're all broiling like pigs over a spit down here . There 's paths up , but some safer than others , so you 'll need to ask around before you set off on any exploring . But then , I suppose you might not be the sporting type . Now , here I 've been gabbing away and not telling you where to put down your trunk . Oh , but then so you have and over there , too , in that spot . Oh dear . Well , I don 't see why not . I suppose if it crimps the edge of mother 's rug , we can somehow smooth it out . Maybe over the kettle . Oh and so you 're moving it , are you ? Well , it might be for the best . I 'd recommend putting it there , in the front gable . That way you can walk straight up to it as you need and not bump your head . Is it as heavy as all that , sir ? You do look a mite strained , Mr . Landau . In Dr . Dransfield 's letter , he said you were sick from exhaustion , so I imagine you 'll be needing plenty of rest . Well , as you can imagine , sir , we have a surplus of quiet out here in our little corner of the world . Mother has the preacher - and sometimes Anna , that is Ms . Galvistan - out for Sunday supper every week , but generally it 's just the two of us , so you shan 't have to worry about the noise of comings and goings . Now , I 've put this table here for your typewriter . It 's mother 's sewing table , but the contraption 's been on the fritz , so we sent it to London to have it looked at . It 's quite a sturdy little table , though not very big . You could open the top to make it a little bigger , but then there 'd be the hole and what good would that do you , I ask ? I 'd only request that you leave this bit of oil cloth in place , so as not to scratch the wood . Mother thinks it 's walnut and very fine , though I suspect it 's only the finish . Still , she 'd be so heart - broken if it were gauged by your typewriter . I will admit to knowing a little something about you besides that you 're a writer , Mr . Landau . A little something which has made mother and me very sympathetic to your plight . It was Mrs . Whitticombe , who does over our bonnets , who told us about it . She 's a terrible gossip and that son of hers , Jimmy - the one who up and went off to work in the theatre - well , he 's the one who told her . She says that Jimmy 's getting very important in London , but Mrs . Whitticombe likes to put on airs , so there 's no telling the truth of that . She tried to sell me feathers for my autumn bonnet once ; said they were ring tail pheasant , but I could tell she 'd marked plain ones in with paint . It didn 't look natural , at all . Still , out here in the provinces , when there is only one woman who 's any good with hats , you have to make do and put up with the prattle . Isn 't that right , Mr . Landau ? Well , I only wanted to say , mother and I are very sympathetic , dear man . I blessedly have never had the misfortune of falling in love - indeed , I think I 'm missing the part that fancies men very much . Not that I mean to say … Well , I mean , I think love is a rather foolish thing . That is all . I think people like you must take it all the harder , isn 't that right , Mr . Landau ? I mean , artist , they say , are quite sensitive people really . Mother says they take things harder than other folks . So , we 've made a pact - mother and I have - to be sure you 're not bothered by a soul while you 're up here . You shall have as much peace and quiet as you need and before you know it , sir , you 'll be right as rain . Now , enough of that , Mr . Landau . I can see you 're getting all the more strained by the minute . I know I shouldn 't have brought it up , but I just thought you 'd like to know you have our sympathies . It 's always the delicate ones who the girls throw over for men with charm and swagger . We 're terrible , fickle creatures , mother always says , and not to be trusted . Oh , dear , you have got a look about you , sir . Quite pale , you 've gotten . But to business , sir . I 've cleared out this wardrobe for your things . It smelled of mouse , I worried , so I hung some lavender in it . Then mother said gentlemen didn 't like to smell of sachets , so I had the girl take the lavender down and scrub it good with lemon oil . It turned out quite nice , if a bit pungent . I hope it 'll do . Oh , I see you 've found the bed . My goodness , you 're a quiet one , aren 't you ? Well , I had wanted to point out that mother volunteered her favorite coverlet because it 's so pretty , but she did ask that I show you the lace along the edge , so that you 'd be extra careful of it while you stayed . No , no , sir . Not that edge . It 's here , under your boot . Oh heavens , and it 's so delicate . I think it was rather extravagant of mother , poor dear . I don 't think you 'll be able to relax at all , knowing that lace will be ripped to shreds by the time your stay is over . I have a nice wool blanket , plain but sturdy , that I shall bring up before supper . Never fear , sir . We 'll have everything sorted soon enough . I did want to tell you about dinner , because mother is very strict about sitting down , only because she 's rather cross if the cabbage goes cold . When you hear the bell , it means five minutes until we sit down . If you prefer to take dinner in your room , you may let me know earlier in the day . I don 't suppose you 're much of an eater , but I hope our chilly air will enliven your stomach . Hot meals are the best way to keep the bones warm . Oh sir , I hate to see you getting up if you 're so tired . I told you I would tend to the coverlet later . You are a dear . Mother was given that coverlet by a very fine lady who stayed here many years ago . A shy enough creature , delicate like yourself , who cut her summer short quite out of the blue . She sent us a letter , weeks later along with the coverlet , apologizing for her hasty departure . I think she was the type who enjoys the city more than the countryside . It seemed her nerves only got worse the longer she stayed with us . Poor dear . Now , if you open the window today , Mr . Landau , it may get a bit chilly by sunset . The draft is the devil . Oh , my ! What a whack you 've got on you , but as I said , that is the only way to get it open . That is rather a lot to open it , dear sir . It may stick if you open it so far . I had wanted to have the girl take some beeswax along the case , but you know she said she needed to get home for supper and I thought perhaps that was a hint that she thought we ought to offer her some of ours and I hadn 't made very much that day . Well , and the girl is a rather large creature with a big appetite . I think her people are Welsh and you know how they eat , sir . Well , and so you 're putting your trunk on the sill . Sir , is that wise ? Well - oh my ! There it goes ! If I didn 't know better , Mr . Landau , I would have thought you sent that out on purpose . Mr . Landau , what in heavens name are you up to ? Do you need air ? My goodness , you 're far too long legged to try to fold yourself through that opening . My goodness , it 's like watching a spider coming out of the drain . Mr . Landau , have you quite lost your senses ? Oh ! What madness ! I hope he hasn 't fallen on mother 's hydrangea . She is terribly particular about them and they barely came back last year , what with all them mites and then the mildew . Mr . Landau ? Mr . Landau , what were you thinking ? Oh my , and now he 's up and over the hedge . How peculiar . Published on February 12 , 2017February 12 , 2017 by paulmiller74Leave a comment I wouldn 't say we were friends . It may have looked like that for a while - at the beginning - but before long the whole thing sort of plateaued . We ended up merely acquaintances , the people who will stand together at a party if the rest of the company is flat . We were a bookend match of each other 's awkwardness , holding our drinks close to our chins as our arms tried to fold themselves over our chests , while one hand took orders from the brain to dose hard early because this gathering was going to suck . She went by Caro in college , although when we were in junior high school she was called Carol or sometimes Fats . In tenth grade , before Mom and I moved away , she found the theater club , dyed her hair red , and dropped the ' l ' . She also dropped thirty pounds and found a light , languid gait unlike the slightly panicked walk - run that used to propel her into classrooms just after the bell . Damned if Carol didn 't always knock something over with her backpack trying to slip into her seat unnoticed . But not Caro . This new tenth - grade artsy - fartsy goddess entered the room within a cocoon of laughing thespians , her auburn waves falling over her eyes , pushed back with a careless gesture now and again as she rolled her eyes at the droll nonsense of her troupe . No shit . Every day of tenth grade her entrance to Mr . Martolli 's class played like the opening credits of a show about with - it teens figuring out life while giggling over Twizzlers . " Me watching you make milkshakes for minimum wage when you should be learning ? Knowing all the while the only reason for it is my being too proud to ask that woman for help … " Mom was washing dishes . Her gaze slipped out the window , whisked the worn picnic table and brown grass of the yard , and rose to the pale blue November sky . The silence stretched and I almost tried to make my pitch again . I was licking my lips and taking a breath when she finished her thought . " It would kill me to see you working instead of being in school . We 're going to Perryville and that 's that . It 's a year . We 'll technically be closer to Johns Hopkins there than we are here and their program is good . " " We don 't know anyone there . I can 't keep working . You can 't quit school . We 're going to live with your grandma . " The last day of school in Virginia floated along like a dream . A friend had got me a card that played a song from Peanuts and someone else thrust a balloon tied to a candy bar in my hand . I was always vague about who had done it , although everyone knew I loved candy . I spent too much time on the drive trying to figure it out . When we got to the bridge at Havre de Grace , I put it out of my mind , knowing on a visceral level that in ten minutes we 'd be carrying suitcases into Grandma 's house and that from then on out , it would be a daily battle to find any calm . And not just watching Mom fight for her life . My stomach was already in knots ; I twisted around in the car seat to watch the sunset poking through the steel arch of the bridge . I didn 't see Caro for three years . I had kind of forgotten she existed . High school wasn 't when we started talking . It was in college , when Mom and I moved back to Virginia . I was a year behind because we had to wait to reestablish our residency for in - state tuition . I was surprised to see Caro in a class with me ; surprised she was studying science , too . " Well , acting is fun , but I get too nervous , " she told me once . " Like everyone says they do , too , but this one time I was so close to puking on stage that I realized I needed another option . My Dad suggested I rethink science , which I loved first . It felt right . " I looked away , swallowing a chalky little bitterness that I always felt when people talked about their fathers . I wondered if I 'd ever stop being jealous of that . It drove me crazy because I knew my mom ought to be enough . She certainly worked her ass off to fill the void . We were standing amid the trees in the quad , watching clouds thicken and tighten above us . Other students were ambling about , some clinging to their perches in the grass , determined to stay until the rain chased them off . I remember watching the president of the university pacing in her private garden at the top of the hill , disappearing and reappearing from behind a bronze bust of Mary Wollstonecraft . She was talking into her cell phone , her face pale within a frame of black hair and red dress . She shrugged and I realized then she didn 't play this game . Caro the actress with the red hair and the nose ring . Carol the bookworm who 'd come packaged with a beaker if she were a doll . These girls didn 't talk smack . That 's why we 'd never really be friends . I 'd spend a lifetime figuring out the shape of the world by critiquing others as harshly as I would myself . Girls like Caro would opt for a simple motto like ' be nice ' . I side - eyed her then , thinking that she was the princess whether she liked it or not . It was her right . It came with being beautiful and kind and natural and smart . Caro was all the things they try to show us about the princess , the qualities so remarkable that they come wrapped in a ball gown and a tiara . She had all the things that draw men and magic and sometimes foes . I didn 't want to be her enemy . Yet I couldn 't see how to be her friend , either , because she seemed to exist on a higher plane of self - confidence . I was sure I 'd never know how to breathe that air . " Anyway , " I said . I tried to sound light . ( I always tried to sound light back then . ) " I realize now that none of those Disney witches are very real . I 'd settle for being Dorothy Parker . " I had to explain to her who that was and I knew she barely found it interesting . Still , we found things to talk about in the coming years , dosing ourselves with gin and tonics , two people who sometimes defaulted to chatter when the room wasn 't entirely ours . And later I realized that we didn 't exist on a different tier ; we were just two kinds of people whose overlapping interests made a narrow bridge , hastily traversed in youth and vanity . Now I would try to take it slower , see what developed if we walked instead of driving . Later the loneliness is edging close as thankfully my husband joins me in a cap to keep his ears warm . And so we take turns cracking through tree roots and pulling up stones . Helpmates . Silent in our grief , the passing of our ginger cat . The scratch of iron and rock make a sharp cry to break the calm of the woods , fittingly rough , like how we aren 't ready to let go . Finally the hole is deep enough . We climb the steep hill and I take off my muddy boots before entering the house . My eye drops toward the floor as I push the door open , to where he usually stands with curious eyes asking to go out . I cannot give a moment for tears just yet . I push through the house , to the cool spare room , where he waits in his carrier . I take him outside and together my husband and I wrap him up for burial . He weighs the same in my hands as he ever did . Or is he lighter now , not twisting to protest being cradled like a human baby ? I feel he must be given a final hug , something to say that inside the bundle is still the lovely creature who shared so many years with us . I curve around his still form , weeping freely , my husband weeping with me , the two of us with rubbery garden gloves , hands a little cartoonish , eyes as red as pickled eggs . Somehow we fitted his resting place perfectly . The bundle settles into the depression as if sized by tireless craft , rather than the educated guess of two men unfamiliar with the digging of graves . I gather a wad of mud between my hands , say a word of good - bye and sprinkle him over with earth . My husband says his farewell and reaches out to let his gathered clay fall like dark heavy snow . I am careful with the first shovels - full of dirt , filling in the edges until the ground is level with the top of him . Then another level until the black bundle is covered over . When the ground is filled in again , we pull a rake over the earth until it is smooth . Then I rake away the autumn leaves because they make his resting place seem too forlorn . I decide we ought to cover him over in stones to keep animals from digging him up . We root around at the edge of the woods as the day opens up bright and warm above us . The mud on ours boots grows thicker as we work . We cannot seem to stop hunting for new stones . I like best the ones from under the leaves , the ones cleaned by a recent rain . One crude rock at a time , we build a mound to cover the grave of this our very old friend . We are silent a moment more before taking up the shovel and the rake and climbing the hill . At the side of the house , I realize we have forgotten the pick axe . When I return to the edge of the woods to fetch it , I see a small rock winking up from the ground . I almost turn away from it , but it seems that in noticing it , I ought to add it to the mound . In the weeks after the election , George felt at loose ends , like a person who has set a task for themselves and forgotten it . There was a sense that he had unfinished business to attend . In the manners and the eyes of his friends , he saw a similarly implacable restlessness . He swept the grass with the rake on a warm Thursday in mid - November ; after the late frost the trees let loose the rest of their leaves and he set to work again . Still the winds that beckoned December brought more organic litter to the grass . He started to put on his boots one Sunday afternoon to go out once more for raking . Instead , he let the leather and laces slip through his fingers . The heel made a dull thud on the floor and he stared at his socked foot too long . He began to see the problem at last . In putting all his hope into one outcome , he had reserved nothing to buoy him in the event of disappointment . Despite a certain degree of intellectual wariness , in his heart he had been certain . And that certainty had been ripped away ; like a thing ingrown it had taken some heart flesh with it . Although it made him want to laugh at himself to admit it , he discovered that he was in mourning . Election years had always been fraught with anxiety . This one was heartbreaking . 2000 . 2004 . Yet some had ended with a sense of joy . He would never forget watching a young black family take to the stage in a freezing Chicago park ; a warm blaze of red against black on the stomach of a future first lady ; a halo of light behind a pair of pronounced ears ; the rich manly voice ringing out into the night , promising brighter days ahead . The camera cut away to tears glistening in the eyes of people uplifted by hope . He didn 't want to call his mother to talk about politics . It was something they hadn 't agreed on since he was a child with no perspective of his own . Still he wanted to give her a chance to change her mind . They chatted about nothing memorable for a moment . George took a deep breath and launched into it . " Mom , I want to talk about the election and I want you to hear me out . " " I just don 't understand why you think they are your party . You are a lower middle class woman and they don 't give a shit about your rights . All they care about it tax breaks for the rich . " He knew then that she was not going to change her vote . Not even an appeal to her to stand with him would pull her away from the party that she called her own . If blood was thicker than water , than ballot ink was as viscous as cooling lead . They had only been dating for a few months when election day suddenly was upon them . When Ray wasn 't in school and when George wasn 't at work , the two of them were living each hour of each day as one seamless and unending date . They drove through all the little towns in the valley , walking through junk shops and eating in little pubs . Heavy sandwiches , dark brown beer . They found hidden areas in the woods and made love under a canopy of trees that was bright green when they first discovered one another . The tent was bones and blue heaven and a few stray leaves when November found them huddled against an ancient oak , watching the distant sparkle of afternoon light on the river . Their breathing was growing soft again when George said they would need to hurry back to the car if they would get to the polls in time . He wasn 't entirely sure of when voting ended , but he knew he didn 't want to miss it . The last time the president had been chosen , he 'd been on the other side of the political gulf and he needed this vote to express his own personal journey . It meant less to Ray , who was less certain about politics . They 'd learned not to discuss abortion ; protective of their shared peace , they sheltered themselves from disputes . They took a scenic route across the county for George to vote in an old school - house where his family had voted for decades . After he cast his ballot , he took an ' I Voted ' sticker from an old woman wearing a cream cardigan over a flowered dress . It took a few tries to get it to affix to his thin jacket and he was still pressing it when he climbed back into the beat - up Dodge Omni . Ray was looking thoughtful . While they drove through the three counties that separated their polling places , the sky darkened to a smoky violet . George felt himself getting anxious . They should have spent less time in shops and at the pub earlier in the day ; less time making love in the woods on the side of the road . When he glanced over at Ray , he saw his lover wearing a tense expression unfamiliar to his typically jovial countenance . As another town receded in the rearview mirror , George pressed the car to go faster . George watched for a phone booth as they climbed up into the mountains . Finally they saw one in a yellow fluorescent glow up ahead . George pulled nettles out of his sweater sleeve while Ray stood in the golden nimbus , leaning into the phone as a wind kicked up , scattering rusty leaves into the dusk . It was hard to find the polling place . Twice they passed it and when at last they pulled into the lot , the absence of any line and the presence of only a single car made them suspect they were too late . Ray clambered out and George watched him talk to an old guy who was standing at the doorway of the fire hall , wearing a hat lettered with VFW . Ray 's shoulders drooped as he walked forward into the headlights . It didn 't take them long to shake off their disappointment . At least they each did a good job of finding things to talk about and to laugh about . George 's ears popped at they descended into Virginia ; he couldn 't remember if they 'd gone funny on the way up into the mountains . They moved softly into the night , the cold and glistening world outside of the vehicle vast and mysterious . Time would ink the map of their future , but there would always be something left uncharted . It was both a terror and a comfort were they to ponder it , but all they wanted just then was to get home . And they were thinking about ingredients : potatoes , celery , carrots , cream , salt , pepper , flour , stock . Published on October 26 , 2016October 26 , 2016 by paulmiller74Leave a comment Felix went all in to help Adele with her final performance in acting class . Perhaps he was regretting that he hadn 't signed up for 201 with her ; every time they hung out with friends from the first class , they said they missed him . Weeks before the end of semester , he had mapped out a plan for Adele . He chose the monologue , coached her through it line by line , designed the set , and did her hair and makeup . All because she looked like Bette Davis . There were times when Adele begged to abandon the project . One night she came really close to putting her foot down entirely . When she yet again failed to enunciate her lines with the proper Davis clarity , she tossed herself across the battered sectional in Felix 's basement . Hugging a pillow close to her chest , she suggested she might rather do the monologue from Fame , which she still remembered from high school . It was a little on the short side , but she even had the clothes she 'd worn . The leg warmers were doing double duty as curtain tiebacks in her bedroom . He motioned for her to stand , and she rolled her eyes , but she climbed out of the sunken cushions . She had the big eyes and the small mouth and if she could just learn to actually be dramatic and articulate all at once , while not dropping a line or forgetting a mark , then she 'd be fine . His big obstacle was getting her to embrace the bigness of the part . Adele had a dry , close - lipped personality , but for this she 'd need to have sweep and volume . Secretly Adele thought the lines were corny , but Felix was protective of his heroes . " Bette exudes corruption once you get to the end and look back on it , but for at least the first half , you 're convinced she 's the classic woman wronged . She plays it so well . " His eyes would drop to the floor each time he praised the long dead actress , as if embarrassed that Adele might feel inadequate by comparison . She could have told him she didn 't like that whole old style - people didn 't act like that anymore - but they 'd had exhaustive talks about it in the past . He thought there simply wasn 't enough guts and saliva in modern theater . That night they watched the movie together again . Maybe for the first time ever , Adele was glad she wasn 't stoned because there were some line readings that would give a nun church giggles . Glancing over at Felix , she saw a pleased little smile on his lips . With his dyed black hair and painted on brows and lips , he looked vampiric in the television light . Not that she would ever tell him ; he was too vain about his looks already . He 'd spent almost two months pay on green contact lenses to look like Louis from The Vampire Lestat . And one night he told her about an exhaustive face lightening regimen that involved peroxide and a nail brush . " You two still working on the play ? " Jean asked . She was dressed in denims that rose all the way up to her bra and a sweat shirt with an appliquéd kitten clambering anxiously out of a watering can . Her shoulder length hair was messy except for scrupulously combed bangs . " Ha , ha , " Jean laughed . " Well , Felix , you ought to give Adele a break . You two could come upstairs and eat with me . I made goulash . " Adele never knew how to act around Jean . If she followed Felix 's example , her demeanor would hardly be warm . She was raised to be polite to elders , but like her friend she wasn 't always comfortable with chit - chat . As usually happened , a silence stretched between the three of them and eventually Jean edged towards the steps . When she 'd gone , Felix made a little face . It wasn 't exactly mocking , but it seemed to say , ' What just happened ? ' As if it were odd that a mom would offer supper to two teenagers who rarely left her basement except to go to their classes . Feeling angry at him but unsure of exactly why , Adele took a deep breath and began her monologue . When she turned on her car lights , they shone through the patio doors of the basement , and she saw that Felix had already put the movie back on . If she knew him at all , he 'd make a run upstairs for goulash in about two minutes . But he wouldn 't eat it with Jean . The day of the performance was hectic . Felix had made a list of all the things they needed from home . Adele would bring her own extensive makeup kit , a curling iron , bobby pins , and the 1940 's outfit she 'd borrowed from one of her mother 's friends . He would bring a piece of plastic rattan valance to wrap around the base of a plant he was borrowing from the admissions lobby . This would help make the set look more Malaysian , he determined . And he had a piece of cloth his dad had brought from Guam that they could drape over the This - End - Up sofa ubiquitous to all theater department performances at the college . Tension propelled them through makeup in near silence , but they started to get testy with one another while he was curling her hair . Worrying that he 'd burn her skin and ruin the show , his hands trembled and he got the waves around her face wrong . Luckily her brow was just as high and rounded as Bette 's because he doubted he could have talked her into shaving back her hairline , even though Davis had done it herself twice in her career , both times to play Elizabeth I . Finally there was nothing else he could do and Felix had to leave the stage area and take a seat with the class . As he watched Adele perform her scene , he was glad they 'd chosen dark green for her outfit , but he couldn 't help but feel she never quite rose above a level of emotion one might call robotic . It was worse than that she wasn 't as fiery as his favorite actress . Rather she was flat , like someone who 'd never felt anything before . Maybe she was on the sociopath spectrum , he wondered . Was there a spectrum for that ? The class applauded nicely for Adele . After the curtain closed on stage , Professor Dupree studied Felix for an awkward moment . He imagined she was realizing how much of a role he 'd played in Adele 's final project . Impulsively , he leaned towards her and made a bold suggestion . For a moment , it seemed that the two women were transmitting a silent message to each other . Felix felt if he had a moment , he might figure it out . But then someone up on stage was asking who brought the plastic rattan valance . They needed to break things down quickly to do their monologue from Fame . Adele was sitting on a picnic table on the smoker 's terrace . She 'd unbuttoned the vintage blouse a little , but left her hair up off her neck and face . In the harsh afternoon light , the makeup looked thick , but her eyes were magnificent . He shook a cigarette from his pack as he approached her . He lit his cigarette with a lighter that had a spent flint . After a moment it sparked , but it was too late to continue to argue her defense . He said instead , " You want to come over tonight . We can watch whatever you want . " Published on October 25 , 2016October 25 , 2016 by paulmiller74Leave a comment I came to the party to see both the brothers . Strangely it was not the one I was in love with who I hoped to hook up with before going home . The one I loved was not an option , a guy a couple of years older than me who was strictly into girls . But his brother , Dillon , was what we called open . We had fooled around in the back of my car once , parked behind the high school , but it hadn 't ended great . He 'd been too drunk to concentrate and finally we straightened up the seats and I drove him back to his car across town . I still thought about him a lot - the taste and feel and scent of him and perhaps most that things ended so incompletely . He was slenderer than his brother , with a long bony nose and bright green eyes hidden under meticulously polished spectacles . These weren 't eyeglasses as I knew them back then : the huge plastic frames that hid half the face . These were small , clever , brass . They made him look bookish and vaguely historical , which was probably why he chose them . Maybe too why I romanticized him so much . I used to study Linus like a painter does a muse , but when the muse doesn 't welcome the scrutiny , there are too many veils to peel away . I wanted intimacy with him and when I was so young my hormones and naïveté conspired to convince me that was unattainable . Because the way I saw getting there was steeped in sex and sexuality . I 'd never had a solid friendship with a man and didn 't know how that was supposed to work . Even as the summer of my eighteenth year grew sweatier and more still , all the mild breezes of spring spent , even as I fell more in love with Linus , there were more chances to spend time with his brother . We met with mutual friends at the tea house , bantering about topical things now forgotten , smoking too many cigarettes . He had a hunger about him . Despite the fact that he was handsome and athletic , Dillon seemed to always search your glance for admiration . I sensed it about him and I was put off by it . Perhaps I preferred the enigma that was his older brother . Still I enjoyed watching Dillon for months before our singular hook up . He had golden skin and dark golden curls . His legs were covered in golden hair and rippled with muscles he 'd built playing soccer . His hands were broad and square and capable , his lips each full and quick with a reckless grin . Then a friend of mine who went to military academy with him told me how he used to sleep with a boy that was their classmate . I hadn 't seen this coming . Dillon seemed unattainable until that morsel of gossip . Shortly after , he and I were the last ones to close down the teahouse - me lingering later than was my wont - and with only a slight pass , I opened the door to the fleeting encounter behind the high school . It was sexy and yet not sexy all at once . In later years I wished I 'd made more of the night . We should have gotten out of the car and wandered down over the hill into the grass . There ought to have been night sky and the summer cacophony of cricket and cicada and swiftly running brook . When they invited me to the party , I was surprised to be asked . I never really thought anyone liked me very much and was often taken aback to be included . I didn 't know if it were Dillon or Linus who proposed my name . I never found out , not that it came to matter . It was odd to be there , wanting to be loved by one brother and to have sex with the other . Perhaps it wasn 't so much about want as realism and expediency . I knew I stood a chance with Dillon . Linus thought of me as merely a new friend . As the guests started to leave in groups , while I was hiding in the library , I heard Linus head out with his girlfriend . Their mother even said good night , making a lot of noise about the clean up waiting until the morning . There was one person left standing in the foyer with Dillon when I peered out from the library . It was a girl he 'd been talking to much of the night . She had curves for days and hair like an angel in a Renaissance painting . Dillon glanced my way and rather than be caught , I barreled out a little too quickly , pretending to only then discover how the house had emptied . The girl with the beautiful hair said she needed to get home ; she was going on a long road trip the next day . Dillon gave her a kiss before closing the door . He peered through the sidelight until she drove away . When he turned to study me , I dropped my gaze . It occurred to me that we hadn 't really spoken much since the night in the car . We 'd never been alone together since then . I wished I 'd never come tonight , but a part of me longed for a chance to be with him again . There was a lonely craving in me that supplanted all better judgment . He shrugged and I followed him into his bedroom down the hall . We sat on the bed and looked at an album cover together while he talked about things that happened at the party . The scent of him made a kaleidoscope of butterflies circle in my stomach . When I put a hand on his thigh , he stiffened . I faltered as he turned his brown eyes on me . Dillon always seemed to have laughing eyes , but tonight they were impenetrable , dense and cold like a pond in winter . I felt myself grow smaller . The funny thing is that I can 't remember how I responded . I didn 't say anything to him to change his mind . Yet how he looked as I left or whether I stumbled out or was walked to the door are facts lost to time . What I do remember is the light in his room . There was only one lamp in a corner , casting long shadows over our suddenly sordid tableau . Shadows trailed from his lashes and from his bed and from the soles of my feet to the top of my head . Maybe he softened his rebuke with a smile . I honestly couldn 't say . The drive back from their remote home on the river seemed interminable . It was hard to believe I 'd only passed these landmarks a few hours earlier . The night had left me hanging open , exposed and restless . With the windows down , I could feel the coldness of March on my skin and moving through my hair . I should have turned on the radio and filled my bandwidth with raucous sound , but I made the trip home in silence , wondering what Dillon would tell his brother about my failed pass . The evening was thick , scented with a rain to come , and in the distance he could hear the traffic that ran alongside the subway station . It was late and he was the only one waiting just now . At last he took his phone from his pocket . He stared down at it for a moment before calling home . She answered on the second ring . " Of the four card machines , two were out of order , so the lines were twice as long as ever . I almost made it , ran all the way down and even scratched my leg on the escalator , but I was just a couple of seconds too late . I 'm sorry , Mariam . " " Isn 't he though ? " he said . Perhaps she would direct her ire at the man who always gave him a ride to the end of their drive , providing he didn 't have to wait . " It really was too much this last time . He 's so rude . " He didn 't know what to say . They both knew they couldn 't afford the repairs . As it was , they were always a month behind on the house payment . Their little house with the crack in the stoop and the stink of mildew in the bathroom , it was a little bit of nothing that even so they could scarcely afford . How did she imagine that repairing the car was going to happen ? When the train got beyond Mauricetown , the city glow was blotted out by the overhanging trees . If he pressed his face to the glass , he could watch the fireflies begin to light , green stars in a galaxy of woods . He noticed them last week , when he was late the last time . They weren 't visible on the earlier trip ; the waning days of summer were still too bright at that time to note them . But if one missed the train and came on the very next one , there they were , something hopeful and beautiful to watch all the dreary ride homeward . He recalled a night when he was a child , when his father was still alive . It had been the two of them and his sister , returning from the barn after feeding the animals . They spilled out into the night , the three of them , when the sky was purple all but for a ribbon of gold over the mountains . It was hard to tell how long they stood there , three side by side , so calm and happy together , unlike so many other times . Whether it was a minute or an hour , in the years after , he learned it was not long enough . Had he deliberately missed the train tonight so that he 'd see these fireflies again ? He wondered about that , unable to answer . There had been no broken machines at the station . He 'd just sort of moved too slow , his mind elsewhere , until suddenly he heard the train departing . It would never do to let Mariam know the truth . At the end of the station lot , where a strip mall butted up seamlessly , his gaze fell briefly on the spot where Will usually parked his car while at work . The slot was empty , as he already knew it would be . He faced the street toward home and started walking away from the town . He might have called Mariam , told her he couldn 't get a signal at Dunn Grave , told her he 'd wait in the vestibule of the Target until she drove up to get him . Instead , he headed toward home , grim and sure of the argument that would await . He would never know why suddenly he couldn 't lie to placate her , but he trudged into the shadows of the county road like a child going to meet the strap . When the last street light was at his back , he started to notice the fireflies again . He thought of a spot on the road ahead where he could sit and watch them ; the porch steps of an empty , plain farm house overgrown with Virginia creeper . The iron gate cried out when he pressed through , and while it startled an owl out of a hole in the eaves , it did not startle him . Nothing about the house frightened him tonight , though at times he 'd thought it vaguely sinister . In the autumn , if he glanced over just as his car lights flashed on the dusty window glass , he feared seeing a grim face looking out . Tonight it was merely a lonely old thing , dead inside and out , with a little of its bones poking through its outsides , like a deer rotting open on the roadside . It had been a long time since the night that he and his sister and his father shared this simple pleasure . He remembered when the memory of it still was fresh , when he was a younger man , and he recalled that for a while it lay dormant , pushed aside by many other cares , only some his own . But since last week , it was as clear as if it had just happened . It seemed like a sort of magic was waiting to unfold . Perhaps there was an enchanted door somewhere , maybe inside the old house , that would spill him out into that other meadow and that other night . He could steal up softly beside the three figures , the tall one and two little ones . His steps would have to be still , so as not to frighten them , but if he could manage it , he 'd stay as long as they had stayed and then he 'd wait longer still , until the last light went out . |
I am from here ! I was born to this plain of existence . Who are they to tell me that I should move on ? This is my house . Now it 's all different . I do not recognize the people in the photographs on the wall , and the hallways and rooms are not filled with the sounds I remember . Curved slats of metal that can be titled by a long , clear wand that hangs aside the whole configuration that one former resident of the house called the ' blinds ' have replaced the curtains that I helped my mother sew and hang . A fitting name for such a catastrophe . One could go blind looking at such an eyesore . A fancy sort of fabric has been laid over the hardwood floors my father and brother sanded by hand , and stained for months . Now you can 't even see the craftsmanship of their hard work . And all the cupboards and cabinet faces that father designed and spent months carving beautiful patterns and pictures in , have been renewed with hard , and shiny tiles that look like pieces of mother 's fine china , in odd little squares . This home smells different . This home feels different . . . yet it is my home . It is where I was born . And while many things have changed , I am still here , and will be for some time yet undetermined . Many have come to claim this place as their own , and I have run them off , one by one , until I can be alone , in my home . Accompanied only by my memories , and the sounds that I fell asleep to , now nothing more than mere faint whispers I have to strain to hear . I hate what they have done to this place . The havoc they have wrecked , the improvements they thought they were making in a majestic home that needed no improvements in the first place . Oh and the toilet ! It 's an abomination ! That horrid sound it makes , and the thought that people could do such a thing in the very place they sleep ! Civilized ! Ha ! Savages are more like it ! But all things must change . . . and I have adjusted . I suppose in some ways I have become accustomed to what I used to see as invasions . But I was quite used to being alone in my home without disturbances , and most of the time , I sat waiting for my father , and mother , and my brothers to come home . But they never came . I knew that a great deal of time had passed , and though I didn 't understand my family 's reasons for leaving me all alone , I knew that I would be there when they returned . I slept very often . Sometimes , I would wake to see that the grounds and the foliage outside the window was bright and green with the life of Spring , and then I would fall asleep , and look out the windows to see that there was snow on the ground , and all the trees were bare and the window panes frosted on the inside . The experience depressed me . I slept as often as I could , and each time I felt myself losing consciousness , I would drift away , hoping that when I would wake , my family would come home . A family did come . . . but it wasn 't mine . It was the first family that came here , a young couple , with no children . He was an odd sort of fellow , and his wife , though very young , dressed like a woman that worked at the local saloon ! I could see her knees in the skirt that she was wearing ! Positively sacrilegious ! And her hair was so short , her husband looked like he was married to a man ! Her eyes looked like the mouth of a well , and she purposely put a black sooty sort of powder over her eyes to make her look that way . Can you imagine ? She even danced in such a provocative manner one night that I caused a disturbance just to make it all stop . You should have seen it . I suppose it was some sort of house warming party , but I can assure , I felt no warmth . There were no lanterns lit , pressing a button on the wall lighted the entire house , and suddenly , brilliant luminance in any room they chose ! Witchcraft ! There were so many people in my house that it looked like some sort of bar . And all of her friends were wearing that same sort of tramp 's clothing . Short skirts with strings hanging all over " This is one of the newest models of refrigerators out there . " Said one of the men , " This is the same one my wife wants . She says the one we have is too old . " " What year is it ? " asked another who was helping him , and I was glad he had asked . It was precisely what I wanted to know . " It 's ten years old . " The first man chuckled . " Now that they have these cold and freeze models , you 're not going to have a decent night 's rest until you get one for her . " The second man laughed . I was annoyed . " But what year is it ? " I asked , with a tone of inpatients . " What 's that ? " the second man asked . The first man frowned , and appeared to be thinking something over . I was too devastated to even register my discovery of making my voice heard . How could it be that it was 1948 ? That just wasn 't possible . I ran to my room , and the door slammed behind me . I was crying so heavily , that I didn 't see the little girl . But she saw me . She sat there frozen on the bed , looking at me with huge wide eyes , and then , her little mouth opened up and she screamed to the full capacity of her lungs . Selfish little child ! How could she be upset for my presence in my own house ? She was the intruder , not me ! I screamed back at her , and she bolted from the room like a terrified little rabbit . And good riddance ! I could hear them talking about me from all the way up there in my room . I heard the man in overalls telling the woman that was hanging the red drapes not to be so quick to discredit what her daughter was saying , because he had heard a woman 's voice right behind him when he was helping to set up the refrigerator . I heard the woman saying that she would hear nothing of it , and that there was no such thing as ghosts . Ghost am I ? Well , I decided to give them just what they asked for . I terrorized that little girl every second of every day ! I taunted her , mocked her , teased her , frightened her , pushed her down in the halls , and pulled her hair . I tried everything . But even when the mother was growing more concerned about her child 's behavior , she wouldn 't even entertain the possibility that she was living in a haunted house . And I can 't say I rightly blame her ! I wasn 't a ghost ! I was just . . . lost . . . somehow , or perhaps being punished for something I had done . And besides , a ghost was the spirit of someone who had died . I wasn 't dead ! Quite the opposite ! I was very much alive , and trying to get these fools out of my home ! This was my house ! I felt so cold . Where was Papa ? And where was Momma ? Where were my brothers ? How could it be 1948 ? That night , as the little girl slept soundly next to her mo " My name is Clark . I came here to ask you to leave my daughter and my wife in peace . " He said in a very gentle voice . " You can see me , Mr . Clark , sir ? " I asked him , wiping the tears from my eyes . " I certainly can . Why have you tortured my child ? " He asked . I felt the tears coming to my eyes again , and found it hard to breathe . Then my anger welled up inside me , and I glared at him . " Because this is my house ! They are not welcome here , and I want them out ! " I hissed hatefully . He took a few steps closer to me , and I felt the strangest kinship to him , but I knew I did not know him , and it startled me . " As right you should know . You see , Elizabeth . My wife bought this house with the money that the United States Government sent to her after my death in the war . " Clark said . " World War II . " He answered gently . As Clark began to tell me the details of not the first , but the Second World War , my head began to spin , and I felt nauseated . I could not digest what he was telling me , and could not accept it , nor could I get past the sincerity in his voice . " Alright then , fine , you are a ghost ? An apparition ? A frightful worker of Satan that fools and gypsies tell stories of to frighten little children ? Is that is ? " I shouted . " I do not frighten children , Elizabeth . But you have been . I have watched over my family since my death . I check in from time to time , just until they are strong enough to let me pass to the other side . . . " " You know nothing of my family ! Further more , you know even less of me , Mr . Clark , sir , and if you do not leave my sight this very instant , I promise you , with every fiber of my soul , that I will rain down such tragedies on this house that it will not be fit for anyone to live here ! Do I make myself clear ! " Such a wave of emotion had seized me that I did not realize that Clark was gone . I did not sleep for days . I walked about my home certain that I would vanquish all that did not belong , and refusing to believe anything of what Clark had spoken of . I did however ; notice the changes to my unwanted roommates . When the mother and her child would come into the home , they would be very quiet , and literally tiptoe from room to room . They would not speak when they were inside , but if the mother took her child out to play in the yard , I would hear them laughing , and playing , and loving something I remembered loving myself , once . Life . . . . I did not try to terrorize the little girl anymore ; I was too depressed to even think of something else to do to her . All activity from them and me seemed to peter off into a standstill . But within a month , the mother and child had packed up all their belongings , and were moving away . For some reason , I felt abandoned . It made me angry . I stood at the top of the stairs the last day they were here , and I watched them both . The mother was buttoning her daughter 's coat , and child asked a question . " I wish I saw Daddy too . " The little girl said , and I could see all the way from the top of the stairs the way the mother 's eyes seemed to glitter with the onset of tears . " Oh , sweetie . . . he sees you . " She smiled . Just as they walked out the door , the mother looked back , and though I do not think that she saw me , she had a look of reserved anger on her face , and her eyes went to the top of the stairs . No one occupied the house for years after the mother and child left . It was during this time that I had the most horrible encounter of my existence . In all the time that I had stayed in the house , never once had I ventured outside . I remember the grounds that father and my brothers had spent years developing , and the acres of lush rolling hills with jade green grass waving in the breeze , and though it was autumn , I decided to go out and take in the wondrous fall colored foliage . As soon as I stepped beyond the front porch , I felt myself delivered quite quickly into the vise grip of a menacing danger . I did not know what was happening , and suddenly , it was if my feet took on a mind of their own , and I found myself marching to the tall oak tree that stood in our front yard . I saw the grounds the way they were then , and how they were now , and it faded and clarified itself over and over again , but I was unable to stop myself from the militant style march that I treaded in . The tree was no longer there , and what remained was only a large stump , but no sooner had my eyes focused on this , then I found myself staring up into the sun speckled tree tops of the tree I remembered . When I looked down , my feet had come to a stop at the stump . It sat there with its coal black bark , and a bright tan center , almost screaming at me like I was at fault for it having been cut down . My arms shot over my head , and I was unable to stop it . The motions I was making confused me , and I began to whimper as my back bent sharply over , and then I was forced to stand bolt upright , and again , my arms made the same odd movement . Then , the present faded out and the past came back with a cruel clarity . In my hands was a rope , and I was throwing it over a branch . It missed , and I bent down , picked it up , and tried again . I was literally wailing when I saw my feet step up to a latter , and then just as swiftly , the latter was gone and I was standing in mid air , in front of a tree stump , going through motions I did not recall . I could not see the noosLying in the hay , naked and sweating , writhing like dogs in heat was Thomas and another girl . She was making the most ungodly sounds , and saying things that I care not to remember . I didn 't want to see this , but I could not look away . He was vicious with her , and she seemed to like it , and he kissed her over and over again , telling her he loved her , he loved what he was doing , and he loved how she acted . I was revolted with the sight , and I fled from the barn . Thomas must have heard me , because he ran out shortly after , telling me the oddest thing a young lady could ever want to hear . " You 're a liar ! You 're a traitor ! How could you Thomas ! I ruined myself to be with you ! " I protested , and took a fit right there in front of him , throwing my arms and screaming , and cursing him . How could a pain that has no physical attributes physically tear at me this way ? I felt as though I was being tortured . " My Pa does it , so does yours , and I 'll do the same thing ! " Thomas shouted at me . " It 's a man 's business , and if you hadn 't been out here , poking around , you wouldn 't have known ! " " Papa would never do anything like this to my Momma ! " I screamed . " No ! You want to know everything so bad ! " Thomas screamed at me . Everything in my mind just shattered . Anger bloomed so rapidly my head started shaking uncontrollably . I don 't remember grabbing the pitchfork that was propped against the house . One minute I was crying and screaming , and the next , Thomas was lying on the ground and I was leaning on the handle of the pitchfork and watching him die . He stayed in a tensed position with his hands gripping the handle of the pitchfork so tightly that his knuckles turned white . Then he relaxed , and I stared at him . . . I realized what I had done . I ran away , and sat and waited for the stagecoach . Draped in the shawl that Momma had crocheted for me , so no one would see the blood that was splattered all over the front of my dress I returned home wearing a gift of love to conceal a crime of passion . It had been taken it so I wouldn 't get cold . Now I was so cold I would never feel warmth again . The house was dark , and everyone was asleep . I undressed and shoved the whole dress beneath my bed . Then went out to the pump house and tried to wash away my sins . Mother woke us all up for church the next morning , and I told her that I didn 't feel well , and asked her to go without me . She didn 't question me , even though she looked at me in a concerned way , and while she and Papa and my brothers were gone , I burned that dress until there was nothing left of it but a few smoldering ashes . Then , I went to the woodshed , found a good length of rope , and hung myself . I finally knew the truth , and I knew what I was . I couldn 't move on because I was too ashamed to see my family face to face . I slept . I was aware of families coming and going , but I didn 't stir . I didn 't try to scare them , or chase them away , but I still hated them for coming to my home . I tried to punish myself a few times by purposely walking past the threshold of the front door , thinking that maybe if I punished myself enough times , I would finally be free of the whole thing . But that never happened . I was also aware of other gThe house was up for sale once again , and by now , it had a very known reputation for being haunted . Rena was a real estate agent , and as soon as she got near my house , I could feel her . It was so strong , and loud that I was instantly awakened . I ran to the window and looked out , and Rena was walking up the sidewalk . She stopped , looked up in the window , and saw me . Curiosity compelled me to meet her , so I walked down the stairs , and met her as she came in the door . " I thought this place was empty . " Rena smiled , as she came in the door . " It is . " I replied with reserve . " Well , you 're here . " Rena said . We stood there looking at one another , and Rena sat down her bag , and tossed her keys next to it . " More people are coming , aren 't they ? " I said . " I don 't want more people to come here . This is my home . I hate what they have done to this place ! " " Most ghosts do . It changes life as they remembered it . . . but your life has ended . " The house sat on the market for years . Rena came to my house and regularly visited with me . She explained many marvels of the present world that I had long wondered about and feared . Electricity , aircrafts , indoor plumbing , modern day appliances , television , everything that I had ever seen and thought was witchcraft , was nothing more than the evolution of life . She had become my friend . After four years , by the time frame Rena explained to me , I was informed that someone had bought the house . " I thought that you might be happy with the new owner . " Rena said . " Because I am the one that bought the house . " I was pleased . Not only was Rena the first friend I had had in centuries , she would be the first owner that I would enjoy existing with . Rena knew my story , she knew about Thomas , and knew of my sins , and still accepted me . I had come to find a sort of piece , but I was wearing , and longed to rest . Rena spoke of a light that I was supposed to go to . I had not seen this light . As time passed , Rena began to look different to me . Her once dark hair was now streaked with gray , and there were wrinkles around her eyes and mouth . Rena told me that she had lived in the house for thirteen years now . To me , it seemed only a few months . When Rena took on an illness , I was at her bedside as she rattled bottles and bottles of pills and complained about having to take them . She was funny , and made me laugh , but she never seemed upset . Rena was always very calm . She got better in what seemed like the blink of an eye to me , and I began to sink into the welcomed routine of spending time with my friend . Once night , as Rena sat in the kitchen drinking tea , I sat on the stairs listening to her talk to me . I felt sleep so suddenly , and rested my head on the railing . When I woke up , I was in the same spot , but the house was deserted . I looked for Rena everywhere , but I could not find her . Her things were still there , but the furniture had been covered with sheets , and there were boxes beside the front door . I waited for what seemed like hours for Rena to return . And when I did at last hear someone come into my home . . . it wasn 't Rena . The young woman that entered did look very much like Rena when I first met her , but I could see it in her face , that this was not Rena . She moved about quietly , and packed Rena clothes , her belongings , and put them in a big truck . She spoke only once the whole time she went about her work , and had it not been for that one moment , I would never have known who this woman was . " Aunt Rena . " She said softly to a photo she was looking at , " At last you suffer no more , and can rest in peace . " She kissed the photo , and packed it in a box . I went to my room , and slept . I heard the sound of people talking , and came out of my room . There were lots of people there , talking about plan for my house . I listened intently , and invisibly as they conversed . They were planning to tear down the house ! I was mortified ! Not only would I lose everything I had ever known , but also I was terrified at not knowing what would become of me ! I tried everything to stop them . I scared them , touched them and watched their skin break out in goose pimples , I turned off machinery , I did the more in that time span that I had ever done to anyone who had lived there . But the crew would not leave . I was beginning to lose hope , when Rena niece came into the driveway one day , accompanied by a man in a suit that looked like a weasel . In her hand was a packet of papers , and I waited on the stairs as they waited on the front porch for the workmen . When Rena 's niece came into the house with a very flustered man in a hard hat , I got up and stood next to her to listen in on their conversation . " I have the originals here , Mr . Farley . My Aunt did not sign over possession of this house to you , or any other property developing company . " " This is out of my hands now , I have rightful ownership of this house , and you can 't just shove a bunch of papers in my face , and try to stop all of this . " Mr . Farley said . " Quite the contrary ! If you proceed , I am going to sue you ! So I suggest you look over these papers , and read the fine print before you start digging a deeper hole you 'll have to crawl out of later ! " " Gimme that ! " Mr . Farley snapped , and yanked the papers away from Rena 's niece . He read over the papers , and as he did , he shoulders seemed to droop lower and lower . " You wanna tell me how you got this place deemed a historical land mark ? " " Happy to ! My great - great - great - great - grandparents had a daughter named Elizabeth Morley . She is single handedly responsible for making the James brothers one less . " " Never heard of him . " " You wouldn 't have . He was only sixteen when Elizabeth Morley stabbed him with a pitchfork for sleeping with another girl . " Rena 's niece said , " Thomas was the eldest of the James brothers , and he was already hard at work at being nothing more than a low life criminal . He and a few of his friends made a sport of stealing , raping girls , robbing people , and drinking . He had wooed the very young and modest Elizabeth , but all the while he was doing the same to about five other girls . He told people that he was a carpenter apprentice , and though he did work with his father , and Elizabeth 's father in the carpentry business , he also led a double life full of crime , and even murder . By the time Thomas James was fourteen , he had already murdered his first victim . A young girl that he strangled when she refused his sexual advances . " " Oh that 's a load of malarkey ! " Mr . Farley said , throwing the papers back at Rena 's niece , " And even if it was true , what gives you a right to this place ! This was your Aunt 's house . " " Yes , my Aunt Rena . Rena Kay Morley . " Rena 's niece said , with a single raised eyebrow . " Who did you say you were again ? " Mr . Farley asked , huffing at Rena 's niece . " You 'll never get this to stick . " He shouted , walking out the door . Beth ignored him . Once he was gone , Beth turned to the man in the suit that had been waiting quietly all this time . " Thank you , Alan . I know that there has to be more research done , and I understand that you 'll have a hard time convincing historians about Thomas James , but Aunt Rena would have been so happy . " Beth beamed , looking around the house . " My wife doesn 't remember much about this place , but she did tell me a few stories that could chill your blood . I don 't know if this place is really haunted or not , but I got the shock of my life when I started doing research on this old house . " Alan said , looking around , " And if you want my personal opinion , I think old Thomas got what he deserved . " " Funny thing is , she said she saw her father , Clark , in this house once . Of course he 'd been dead a few years then , but , she said he told her not to be afraid of Elizabeth , that she was just angry . " Alan chuckled . " That 's amazing . " Beth gasped . " Well , perhaps she 'll find piece now . This place is going to be around for as long as it can be preserved now . " Alan said , smiling and shaking hands with Beth . " Perhaps so , Alan . Thank you again for your help . " I watched the two of them leave , and I cried with joy . All this time I had been waiting for my family to come home , so blinded by my anger to see that they already had . I followed them out the door , and didn 't realize until I had walked all the way out to the road that I had passed the threshold without reliving my curse . For the first time in centuries , I was allowed to feel the sunlight warm my soul , and the breeze of autumn wash through me . My dress was no longer stained with the sins of my past , and I was able to feel a peace that I had not known for some time . I stayed outside in the air until the sun went down , and then went inside . I am from here . This is my house . And as my slumber takes on longer periods of time , I know that one day , I will awake to the faces of my family , and I will be at rest . |
Published December 25 , 2016 Did you hear the one about Robert Downey Jr , back when he was struggling with substance abuse ? One night , all lit up on some combo of booze and pills and who knows what , he broke into a dark house , went into a little girl 's room , stripped down , and passed out in her empty bed . When the family came home they found him gently snoring . Imagine them there , in the doorway , the girl , the dad , the mom - maybe a brother - looking at this handsome movie star asleep in the bed . The dad said he wasn 't threatened , since Downey 's clothes were so neatly folded and placed just so on his daughter 's little bedside chair . I thought of that story when I read news of a fellow who woke to the sound of his daughter crying , and found a strange man holding her in his living room . Imagine being that dad , all bleary , coming into a dark room following your girl 's cries and seeing a silhouette there , swaying , holding her . Trying to soothe her with too much boozy emphasis - like a drunk had put too much english on the cue ball of communication and ripped the table felt . My dad was a drunk . He sobered up and earned his twenty year coin before he passed . That 's nearly a third of his life spent making his amends , so I 'm not going to begrudge him his successes by picking apart his all - to - numerous failures . But given the day , maybe it 's the right time to tell this one story . It was Christmas Eve . I must have been nine or so , which means Glory was five . You 'd think I 'd have this timeline all nailed down , but I can 't recall , without looking at records , if my mom had died yet . She wasn 't there , so it 's possible . But maybe she died the next year after Thanksgiving , and this was the year she was out of town at the bedside of her own sick mother . Dad liked a formal Christmas Eve . He roasted duck , with braised greens , a little salad with candied walnuts and mandarin orange slices , and an apple pie . He spread it all on the lacquered table with the lace runner , and killed the lights so we could dine by the soft glow of tall white candles in silver holders . He drank beaujolais ; he served us Martinelli 's sparking cider in wine glasses which made us feel so grown up . We talked about Santa coming that night . He told the story of Jesus , but Glory stopped him , because she hated the part when Jesus came back to life . Dad hushed her and said " That 's the Easter story . Let 's talk about Mary and Joseph and the Three Kings . " I remember thinking about that number three . Three Kings . The trinity . Three ghosts in a Christmas Carol . Three of us at this table , all safe and warm . What was it about threes ? " That 's not for four hours . " " Midnight service is at 10pm , " he said , which is still confusing to me to this day . " I have to help set up . " So Dad went to church and left me in charge . Glory and I had a nice evening of it . We sang a few carols and made sure the tree was looking sharp . We stayed up later than we should have , and ate all the cookies we were supposed to leave for Santa . Glory cried , worried that Santa wouldn 't forgive us for eating them . I convinced her that Mrs . Claus put Santa on a diet and he would prefer some of Mom 's Wheat Thins , anyway , so we really did him a favor . I read Glory The Night Before Christmas , the one with pictures by Gyo Fujikawa , the one with the pink stripes on the cover . It was nearly 11 : 30 when she finally fell asleep . I knew where Dad was : in the basement of the church where the choir practiced . Sitting at the folding table with Peter Pershing , and Tom Mildebrand . Tom was the church Sexton , so he held the keys to the place . Those three would sit around that table and play cards , drinking rye until there was no rye . We three drunks . Dad would make a late night of it . I figured we 'd be opening presents in the morning without him , unless he just drank all night and didn 't sleep , in which case he 'd be there , still drunk , saucy and cheery , until he passed out in his reclining easy chair . I pulled all the presents out from under Mom 's dresses in her closet . I walked them into the living room and put them under the tree . I made it look nice , too , pretending I was Santa , and I thought about how it would look to Glory when she came in that morning . I ate the crackers , making sure to drop some crumbs , and drank the warm milk . I brushed my teeth and got into bed myself around midnight . When I think about that man whose daughter 's cries awoke him , I think about how you never really hear the first cry in the night . You only wake , aware and concerned , in the darkness of your room . You wait for a signal , some noise or triggered sense to explain why you are not asleep , to explain why your heart is thumping and your endorphins are whispering " danger " . Then comes another cry , another " Mom ! " or " Dad ! " , or if you 're in my adult house , today , a knock at the wall that separates your room from your child 's . So it was that Christmas Eve I woke suddenly , panicked . My room , in the attic , was sometimes drafty , but the cold in the room right then was unnatural . My flesh pimpled at it , and I pulled the covers up over my mouth . Yes , it was snowing outside , but this cold was deeper , more unsettling . This cold felt cruel and intentional . Then I heard what woke me . A three - sound knock : Knock . Knock . Knock . It wasn 't from the front door . It was almost wood - on - wood , like it came from inside the walls . Years later I lived in an old building in New York City and the radiator coming on had this quality - like the building itself was calling out to you . Like our old house , the house my Dad grew up in and the one his Dad grew up in , too , was trying to warn me about something . Danger ! Be aware ! Tonight is not still and safe ! The breath coming out of my nose was visible in the chill . Was it Dad making that noise ? Was he home ? Every fiber of my being wanted to stay in bed - begged me not to move - but I had to know . I feinted a few times , then got my nerve together and threw back my comforter . I ran to the window , wiping the fog from the pane with my pajama arm , and looked out front to see that his car wasn 't there . No tire tracks in the fresh sheet of snow lining the street , even . Was it Glory ? Did she need me ? I felt absolutely defenseless and alone , but Glory was so young . I had to protect her . I pulled on my wool robe , shivering against the insane chill - it felt like I would never be warm again - and with my teeth clattering , crept down the stairs , each groaning under my foot . Opening her door , I saw her there by the yellow nightlight , asleep in bed . She was whimpering , as though her dream had been infected by the chill in the air . As if the house were trying to warn her by making her dreams unsettled . The sound was just as mysterious - as placeless - in her room as it was in mine . It came from all around , but if you turned as it sounded , its source was no clearer to you . Knock . Knock . Knock . But I didn 't want her to worry . I said " It 's okay , Glory . It 's okay . " She let out a sigh , and her furrowed brow loosened . It was like an exhale , then . The room warmed . It just felt normal , like waking from a nightmare and the still of your room feels like true comfort . I sat on Glory 's bed for as long as I could stand it , just listening to the old house ticking and settling in its normal way . I waited for another knock , sure one would sound any minute , but none came . The hall clock read 1 : 30 when I went back up the stairs to my own bed . I cursed Dad for leaving us alone . He should be here now . Why did I have to get out of bed to check on Glory ? That was his job . That was a job he gave away so easy . I hated him so much right then . I hated him for not caring . I hated him all the way back to my bed , still unnerved over that sound and where it came from . I hated him all the way back into sleep . It was a child 's cries that woke me second . No stillness of the room this time - no wondering what it was that woke me . The cry was continuous , penetrating . I stumbled down the staircase , slipping and falling on my behind and thunking down two stairs . When I reached Glory 's bedroom and flung open the door , sure I would see her sitting up in bed with tears in her eyes , she was still asleep , in the same position that I left her . I can 't explain that feeling of looking at my sleeping sister and hearing another child wailing . The mental shear of this information had the effect of misfiring all my logical neuron patterns . It was a storm of impulses and confusion in my head , that calmed , like a growing dark , into a pure , heart - seizing panic . I went over the facts : there were no other children in this house . There were no other children on this block . But there was a child crying , and it was coming from downstairs . From inside the house . From down by the tree . I padded down the hall . My first step down , in my bare feet , was like stepping into a pool of cold water . It was that cold , again , settled like a fog over the first story of the house , and here I was , descending into it , following the cry of a child that could not exist . On the wall , a light from the street hit the reproduction of Christina 's World that Dad kept there , the emaciated body of Wyeth 's model climbing that dry wheat hill . ItTwo steps more and I was up to my armpits in freezing cold , the cries echoing , growing , changing , and turning into a kind of word I couldn 't quite resolve . My feet were nearly numb with the cold , but down I went , white - knuckling the bannister . There was some light , I could see . A glow from the living room , and then my bare foot touched the frigid wood of the floor , I turned the corner of the stairs to look down the hallway where I could see just a bit of the tree , and saw that the white lights were turned on , and glowing brighter than I remembered them being . The whole living room was glowing . But part of it wasn 't glowing , I saw . Part of it was shadow . The shadow had a form , and the form was a man , standing there , arms at his side . Swaying a bit , as he blocked lights on the edge of his shadow when he moved across them , and it seemed like they blinked on and off . A man , in my living room , standing in front of my tree , and somewhere near him was an unhappy child . The child 's cry louder , more intense : " I hope you die ! " My breath like clouds in the hallway . I gasped , stepped backward into the wall , bumping the painting of the farmhouse . It clunked , twisting on its nail . I reached to steady it . The cries stopped . A heavy footstep . A man 's voice " Who 's that , now ? Who 's there ? " The light on the trees shimmered , as if the man asking made the electricity swell in their green cables . Then that shadow blocked the tree again . That shadow in the entrance to the hallway . That shadow taking booming steps , coming from the living room towards me . I shrunk down the wall , teeth clattering in fear and cold . I pulled my arms over my head to stop this devastating strangeness . I felt like a shivering skeleton , all the flesh of my body and soul stripped and flayed on the open rime furnace of horror . And the footfalls came closer . The man , whoever he was , came to me with waves of ice . He was right there in front of me . I could see his foot , in a brown boot , and I was about to look up at him and see what terror he was about to unleash . " Is it Santa ? " came the voice , the familiar voice of a little girl . On the stairs , there , half way down in her cotton nightgown with the little red flowers , Glory . And in front of me , nothing . An empty hallway . The tree with its lights off . The house warm , again . And I , on the ground hunched . " Is it Santa ? " she repeated . I stood . Stepped tenderly the living room , but all was as it should be . The fear left me , like I was a cask uncorked . It drained from me , and relief came in . My feet were cold on the ground , but the normal cold of bare feet on hardwood at night . Not the unnatural frozen fear of before . I felt a soft hand in mine . Glory , beside me , looking into the darkness at the tree . " He did come ! " she whispered , like we were in a church looking at a sign of divinity . " It 's not morning yet , " I said . " We can 't open them yet . " I was glad she asked , because I wanted that too , but didn 't want her to think I was too chicken to be on my own . " Sure , " I said . On the way back upstairs , I looked out the front window . Dad 's car , still not home . The clock said : 2 : 30 . Glory and I crawled under her blankets . I was sure I wouldn 't sleep with everything that night had held , but fear has its tolls , and on me the stress of it acted to put me right out . We both fell asleep in minutes . It 's all threes . All of these stories happen in threes , don 't you see ? That 's the point of them . They want to show you the pattern early on so you 'll know . What have we met yet ? The holy ghost ? The Ghost of Christmas Past ? The son ? The Ghost of Christmas Present ? What is left , then ? Who is coming ? Who is left to break into this house ? To breach the barrier we all hope guards with our walls ? I don 't know what woke me the third time . Maybe it was Glory , who was all elbows and knees in her sleep ; who somehow ended up sideways in bed , and stole all the covers to boot . It was quiet in the house . I did not feel that supernatural chill , and I was not scared . I remembered , as palpable as recalling the taste of grape bubble gum , the fear and cold of before . But I didn 't feel them now . I rose , left Glory to her slumbers . I went down the stairs again , down into the entry hall . Down into the living room to see all the presents . The pine smell of that tree hit me , and it was a comfort I can 't quite place , like being outside on a crisp night in the woods when everything is well and that scent makes makes the animal in you whole . I crouched on my heels , just smelling the air , a certain rare Christmas spirit filling me . It was welcome , that animal peace of love and safety , of security and hope , that even in the most desperate times can find its way into your deepest self . " Do you think she 'll like it ? " came the voice . That deep voice , deep from his chest , a man used to being heard and followed . There , in the dark , sitting in his easy chair . Dad . Home , now . " The house . Do you think she 'll like it ? " I could see it then , in the dim light - it wasn 't there when I put out the wrapped presents . A doll house , made by hand . A three story cut - away with a thatched green roof . It was tucked under the tree . Did he make this for her ? Did he bring it home tonight ? It was marvelous craftsmanship . Gabled windows , with scroll work around them . Fully furnished . A family inside . Couches , stoves , toilets , everything . A little decorated tree in the living room . By the tree , a man , holding a child with one hand , the other raised as if to strike . " Was your dad mean ? " I said , quiet , under my breath . He didn 't answer . Not for a long time . It was quiet , and I studied the doll house as best I could in the dimness , looking at the little brass doorknobs , the curtains , the comforters on the brass beds . Then his voice broke through , sudden and booming . " There was a man who used to live in this town , " he said . " A man who everyone knew was good . He was kind , set aside time for people in need . Set aside money to help those without . The kind of man we all would like to be , but who so rarely we can find it in ourselves to act like . " This man had a sleigh , and he would load it with children every Christmas Eve , given enough snow , and he would hitch up his horses , and he would drive them on a ride through the dark . They 'd go up the lake onto the hill , around that bluff curve to the top where they could see the town . Then he 'd ride them back . They 'd gather back at his house where their parents were making merry , and there would be hot chocolate , and gingerbread cookies , and everyone would sing carols . " Except one year a boy who was older , and hated the man because the boy 's own father had not achieved the things that the man had , decided he was going to play a joke . He snuck up on the hill , to the part where the road curves on the bluff , and he spent the afternoon making himself an arsenal of snowballs . His plan was to pelt the man and the children in the sleigh as they went by . He was going to get them cold and wet under their blankets . He was going scare the little ones , and scare the girls , and just show that not everything is perfect all the time . He was going to show them what the world was like for real . Not everybody gets what they want . Not even for Christmas . " He stopped . I looked over at him , but his face was in the shadows . I looked away . It felt wrong to watch him when he seemed to be having trouble telling the story . I waited , looking at the roof of the doll house , built tile - by - tile . Looking at the front door with the inset panels . Looking at the window boxes full of tiny wooden painted flowers . He started again when he was ready . " And so he waited , and as he waited he pictured perfectly what the moment would be like , and how they 'd all cry and get pulled away on the sleigh , their upset floating on the wind as they went into the distance . He thought about how this memory wouldn 't be a storybook tale for the kids . He saw how they would learn their lesson . " He planned how he would let them go by to have their view of the town , so they 'd think on the way back down the hill that everything was just dandy . They 'd be on the decline of their ride , the last moments when nobody would expect a thing . " And so when the horses went by up the hill , he let them go . The horses were panting with the effort , steam coming from their nostrils . The sleigh bells danced and sang , skids shushed on the crunchy , fluffy snow . " " Some time later his patience paid out . The sleigh came down the hill , and maybe , according to some , it was going too fast and the man who everybody loved should have been holding the brake tighter . But maybe it was just fortuitous timing , one of those acts of fate nobody could predict , least of all a jealous boy who can 't imagine the world past his own narrow purview . " A young one , all of four , cried as a snowball hit his face . He aimed for the youngest , and hit a girl about his own age with a particularly slushy ball . He pelted them , laughing , guffawing and finding it hard to throw through his merriment at their confusion . Children were screaming , pointing . It was the kind of chaos he had wanted . It was all going according to his plan , just perfect . " And then a wild throw hit a horse , right on the blinder , right on the eye . A skittish mare . She bucked , and scared the other horses . An animal panic took them , and they pulled the sleigh off the road , and one skid went up on some rocks . " Imagine that boy , holding snowballs in his hand , dozens more stacked and ready to go , watching as that sleigh slipped down the slope and crashed onto that lake , partly frozen . As the sleigh teetered for a moment , before a horse , struggling , cracked the ice with its hoof . As they broke through . As children , too young to swim , were tossed into black water . As all of them weighed down by wool and boots and gloves , went in right at the point where the lake goes deep , and the only thing that connects the water to land is sharp , iced , slippery rocks . Imagine the inhuman cries of the horses , attached to that heavy sleigh . Imagine the sounds children never had time to make . " I could picture it . I could picture that boy , his frozen face as he saw things go terribly wrong . I could picture him knowing he had to decide : go help at the edge of the water , or run . One of those moments in life you could never forgive yourself for if you make the wrong choice . " What happened ? " I said , and I noticed my breath in the air . The cold was here again . I was freezing . " Did people die ? " A wind at my back , a crash , a sound . I turned , and there in the open front door was Dad . Slumped against the frame . His car , half on the snowy lawn , behind him . His keys dropped his hand to and clattered on the floor . His chair ? Empty . The doll house ? Gone . The chill was from the open door . For the first time , the cold I felt had a source . I walked to him . " Come on . " I yanked his hand and he stumbled inside . I closed the door . Locked it . Placed his keys on the hook . I didn 't even bother with the stairs , I just led him to the living room , his arm around my shoulder , leaning on me . Mumbling to himself . Thanking me . Saying he loved me . I put him in his chair , and reclined it with the bar on the side . Took off his soaking wet wingtips . His thin cotton socks , his feet were pure ice . I ran up the stairs and got his pillow and his comforter from his bed . Covered him so that he 'd warm up . Made sure his feet were tucked under the blanket . As I walked away , " turn the lights on , " he said . " The lights ? " I asked . " The tree . Turn the tree lights on , " he said . I did . I plugged them in , and the tree glowed . You could see the presents underneath so clearly . You could see little white glowing dots reflected in every window . You could see the crumbs on the plate and the empty milk glass . You could see Dad , in his chair , his eyes listing , his head lolling . 3 : 34 said the clock on the wall as I walked up . I was out in minutes , this time . Dad was home . Maybe he was passed out , but he was here . I was off duty . I slept until Glory jumped on my bed to wake me . " It 's Christmas ! And Santa 's come ! He ate all the crackers ! " We went downstairs together to wake Dad and see what was wrapped in those presents under the tree . We went down into the warm old house , a place in the universe moving across time . A place in time moving across the universe . In the front of the group Imani struggled with her keys , going through a few before finding the one that took purchase . A shriek cut the air , the hinges of the door complaining from uncommon use . " Dudes , " Imani said . " Welcome to my mansion . " They dumped their gear in the great room , each of them burdened as if they were off to spend a month in the woods . The house was utterly empty . No furniture , not a cabinet or rug . A thunderous boom , and they spun to Eun standing wide - eyed just inside the door , where a habited house might have had a small rug . " Sorry ! The door closed faster than I thought it would . " " This place is insane , " said Cat , pink hair falling against her cheek . " Are you sure it 's okay to be here ? " said Sandra . " Like , we 're not breaking any laws , or … ? " " Totally not , " said Imani . " So , this place used to be owned by some non - prof ? Or whatever ? They had offices here or something and then they sold it to this Chinese holding company that hired a New York management firm that hired a San Francisco maintenance company that hired me to , you know , maintain the place . So , like , if some Chinese banker or shit comes through the door then we better get lost . But , otherwise ? It 's fucking Christmas Eve , bitches . We 're gonna have us a time . " They laid their rolls and sleeping bags down by the tiled fireplace . Sandra opened her pack and pulled out a large black thermos , a piece of worn masking tape on the side bore her dad 's name from when he used to take it to the construction site each day : " T . Mendoza . " She lined up four white mugs and a bottle of Fireball . That smell of cider ! The steam made the echoing room around her pull in to almost feel cozy . She poured four measures , then topped them off with healthy shots of the whiskey . She passed them out , then offered a toast . " Fuck going home for Christmas , " she said , and they all drank . Eun walked to the built - in bench by the window and tried to look outside . It was as if a black felt overlaid the glass , for the light was nonexistent . She thought she saw something - a quiver of light through a shivering branch , perhaps ? She leaned close , her breath fogging the pane of glass . It was just a suggestion of movement . A vibration - how could it be so dark outside ? In the middle of the city ? The cold of the window radiated against her face . Then a wash of hard rain drenched the window , and so startled her that she stepped away , sloshing a her cider over the mug edge . She put it down . " This place has to be haunted , " she said , and turned away from the windows to look instead at the grand staircase . She imagined the lady of the house making an entrance here , descending to a waiting crowd , during some Christmas party . They all had that vision , the lady in red coming down , the house decked and jovial . " Oh , no doubt it 's haunted , " said Imani , finishing her cider , and putting down her mug on the floor . " Let us go scare them up ! Hide and seek ! Not it ! " She ran , her boots pounding each step , and they could hear her taking the stairs two at a time , and then above them in the second floor , more pounding as she ran around , screaming in faux - terror , before suddenly the footfalls stopped completely and the rain was the only thing they heard . " Not it ! " said Cat , and she , too , was gone in a flash . " Jesus ! " said Sandra . " It 's all you , doll , " said Eun , and she backed towards the stairs moaning like a ghost , shooting imaginary bullets with six - gun fingers , and then she was gone up the main stairs as well . Sandra , hands at her side , yelled at the top of her lungs " this is so fucking not cool you assholes ! " She poured more Fireball into her empty cup , and downed it - the burn of the alcohol and the cinnamon killing her throat . Was it scarier to walk through an unknown house to find her asshole friends , or to stay here and let them freeze and rot while she drank their liquor and ate their food ? Yeah , eat their food totally alone . With no one to talk to . While the rain fell on the windows , and the house creaked and groaned around her . She crossed to the staircase , but stopped before it . She had that feeling of not being alone - that somebody was watching her . She spun her phone around , shining a light through the empty dark house . The windows showed only the reflection of her glowing white phone light . Shaking off her raised cackles , she started up the stairs . She was on the fourth step when it came . Boom ! She grasped the bannister , spun around trying to find its source , her heart leaping out of her chest . Then again - Boom ! Boom ! Boom ! echoing through the empty rooms . It was from the door , the front door . Someone was at the front door . " Hey , uh , guys ? " she said , but really it was so quiet that she knew no one had heard her . Then a cry , like an animal - no , a shriek . That door hinge . Somebody had opened the door . It 's gotta be the cops , right ? Some neighbor saw them , saw lights in the house . Was totally nosy and called the fucking cops in . But if it was the cops , why no beams of light from powerful cop flashlights ? She cried out , making her voice as low as possible . " Who 's there ? " " Uh , hello ? " came a reply . A man , but the pitch high and uncertain . Sandra willed herself to walk down each step , and turned the light of her phone to see a tall man , a skinny white man , completely underdressed in a swamped hoodie . Sandra sighed . " Lock the front door so no one else just walks in , okay ? And then you can help me . They 're all hiding from me but I 'm really freaked out about walking around this fucking house . " Cat had discovered the biggest bathtub in the world . It had to be nine feet long . She could lay completely flat , and there was at least two feet of clearance above her head , and another two below her feet . It was incredible . She could live in this tub . She could take baths with Sandra . They hadn 't done that since they moved into the new apartment with its cramped little bullshit bucket of a tub . The rain was quieter here on the second floor , on the east side of the house . Her breath comically loud against the tub walls , and she could see the pattern of bead board on the ceiling thanks to some neighbor 's security light that just penetrated a tiny high window . She watched it and took hits from her weed vape pen , feeling the buzz wash down her body , watching the little light at the end glow . Any minute Sandra was going to come up the stairs and into the bathroom . She would walk through to make sure no one was in here , and when she did Sandra was going to jump out and scream and scare the shit out of her . It was going to be amazing . While she waited she imagined this house filled with life . A tree down by the fireplace , all trimmed and dressed . One of those huge trees that almost touch the ceiling , and so full they look like they 're made from felted wool . Ribbons would run it , and since this place is so old , maybe candles , too . Unsafe , sure , but how pretty would they be ? Some fancy gilt crèche on the mantle , garlands and cheer throughout every room . The table in the dining room dressed with white lace with stacked holiday china and silver at every setting . Servants bustling around , making ready for the party to start . Boom ! And a second later Boom ! Boom ! Boom ! Then the front door opening , and Cat was wondering if she should go check on Sandra . But , without warning , the light in the bathroom snapped on . Cat would have sat straight up in the tub , but suddenly she couldn 't . Her body was frozen - she couldn 't move any part of herself . She was stuck . Imani said the electricity in this place was off , so what the fuck was going on ? It was too damn bright . She wished she could cover her eyes , but her arms felt pinned down . The unmistakable sound of heels on bathroom tiles , and a white woman walked by the tub close enough that Cat could see her . She had dark hair , long , and straight , dressed back with a burgundy ribbon . Her dress was silken and red , it dipped in the back , but what little skin it might have shown was covered in lace . It was just an instant Cat saw her , but she glowed in afterimage , like a flashbulb in a dark room . Then Cat 's back was wet . The faucet was dry , no water coming from it , yet somehow the tub was filling . Her shirt was wicking the moisture up her sides onto her stomach . The water unheated , arctic , shocking her everywhere it touched . Cat still couldn 't move , as she felt fingers of water crest the sides of her neck and join in the middle of her throat . It came around her shoulders and crept up her sides , rising faster than seemed possible . Her face , for a moment , an island , and she drew a deep breath before feeling the liquid top her chin . The water crested her nose and Cat was completely submerged when she saw the woman leaning over the tub to look in . A struggling muffled effort from her own throat was the only sound Cat could hear , and then noise of air bubbles escaping her frightened mouth . The woman 's face blurred through the lens of the water . She saw , dangling from a chain on the woman 's neck , a small brass key . The woman reached out , as if to touch Cat 's face , and Cat opened her mouth to scream . Imani wasn 't even gonna try . Let them come find her , and fine , she 'll get caught and go be it and chase those bitches down , because she knew this house inside out . Even if they got brave and went to the basement , she would find them and rout them out and drive them up and they 'd go feast in the great room and have a fucking good night . So she went to her favorite spot in the house , right out in the open : the window seat in the master bedroom . On a normal day , not like this wretched dark night , you could see the manicured front yard of the house , where it rose above the street below . You could see the other mansions that neighbored this one . Sometimes she came and sat up here with her lunch , when she was doing her rounds . Wondered about that family with the famous name that built this place , wondered how their legacy lived on other than on street names . Ghosts . In this house ? How could there not be ? But not some stupid Victorian specters . Just the ghosts of rich dead white people leaving their names laying around her city where she had to read them all the time . Ghost of Mercer , ghost of Denny , ghost of Boren . She drove on those ghosts every day . Of course this house has ghosts . It has the ghost of money made good . A scream cut her thoughts . A piercing sharp cry . Imani ran towards it - down the hall . It came from the bathroom , and she entered to find Cat leaning over the side of the tub , gasping and heaving . Cat said nothing , but looked at her with darting eyes wide with fear . Eun was with them , then , and together they helped Cat out of the tub and Cat tried , not very well , to explain what had happened to her . " Maybe you fell asleep , " Eun said . " No , " said Cat , but there was enough uncertainty in her voice that the other women believed she at least thought it was possible . It was a square waist - high cabinet with low legs and a solid door . It had a small brass keyhole and a brass handle , which , when tugged , showed the front was locked . They were all inexorably drawn to it . It had its own gravity . " Who put a man in my Christmas Eve ? " Imani said , pointing at him . " Eun did , " said Sandra . " Yes , " said Eun , looking a bit confused . But she stepped forward and gave him a kiss , and rested her head on his shoulder . " Yes , it was me . I forgot to tell you all . " It all seemed so strange to Cat . She would have left right then , but Sandra held her hand and that calmed the animal of her so much . " I thought you said this place was totally empty ? " Eun said . " I think even counting a cabinet it still is , " said Imani . " I don 't remember seeing this before , but I don 't remember ever coming up to the attic either . " She looked around and waved . " Hello attic . " " Do you think there 's a key somewhere ? " the man asked . " It 's not ours to open even if there was , " said Imani . " You could say the same about the house , " said Sandra . " I have the keys to the house , " said Imani . " Maybe they gave you the keys to the cabinet , " said the man . " They did not give me keys to a cabinet , " said Imani . " I take care of properties , not objects . " " I know where the key is , " said Cat , and everybody turned to look at her . She drew Sandra down the stairs out of the attic . The rest waited . They circled the cabinet , and each laid a hand on its top . They didn 't talk , and didn 't look at each other . " So , is she getting the key ? " asked the man after a few minutes . " I don 't think she is , " said Imani . " It 's around her ghost 's neck , " said Sandra , but it was too dark for anybody to see if she rolled her eyes or not when she said it . " It 's not my ghost , " said Cat . " And even if I had the key , I wouldn 't hand it over . We are not opening that cabinet . " Imani poured cider into the other two mugs , and topped them off as well , then handed Eun hers . " She 's right , " she said . " We 're not going to open the cabinet . We 're going to eat our dinner and hang out here in the great room and have a wonderful evening , yes ? " " I dunno , " said the man . " I mean , it 's Christmas . Aren 't we supposed to open things on Christmas ? Isn 't that the whole purpose of it all ? " But , seeing that none of the women were with him , he sat down by the window . They drank more cider with whisky , and then there was wine . Cat passed around her vape pen and they all smoked out . They ate cheese and crackers and Salumi salami ; olives , humous , and pita from Trader Joes ; cookies and candies that Eun made herself that morning . Then they all just were quiet . The rain had let up , but the empty house howled as the wind crossed it , different pitched moans from the upper - stories . They got into their sleeping bags . The man laid down on the window seat covered with some of their jackets . Cat and Sandra had bags that zipped together . Imani had packed a whole grain - husk pillow in her bag , and it crunched under her ears when she shifted her head . Cat , feeling safe and warm with Sandra 's arm around her , thought back on her near drowning . Had she been dreaming ? She could feel it , still - the water on her , the woman hovering over her reaching in . But Sandra gave her a sweet kiss the back of her neck , and her fears melted , and she felt herself slipping off . Imani woke with a rare awareness . Like , when a noise from outside called her from sleep and some part of her mind has already processed what it was . She looked around the room , and then not able to see anything , used her phone to illuminate . Sandra was snoring , in a kind of adorable way . Eun 's arms were stretched above her head . The man was gone . Imani knew what had woke her was the sound of his footsteps on the stairs . She followed , in her wool socks , up the main staircase . Then , along the hallway to the attic stairs . Up those stairs , and there he was , standing alone in front of the cabinet . A gust of wind called out in a low moan . A draft moved against her , and she shivered . He held a hand up and there it was , a little gleaming brass key . " It was on the stairs . Can you believe it ? Just laying there , on the third step . We all stepped over it at least twice . " " Whatever is inside there is not ours to see , " said Imani . He kneeled , and he inserted the key into the lock . She felt it , when he did . Like the roof of the house disappearing and the frozen breath of outside crashing in . Like they were in some field stripped bare of foliage , only populated by winter . But that freeze was less about a landscape and more about humanity leaving their bodies . " But I have the key , " he cried , his breath visible . She was unsure if he felt what she felt , and if he did , if he felt it in the same way . She was unsure if he was saying this to her , or saying it to whatever spirit had turned them out onto frozen wasteland . " It is not yours ! " said Imani , emphatic , moving to him . Bringing her light up beneath them , so their faces were illuminated from the chins up and they could see each other . " Why would you do this ? There are five humans in this house , and four of us said not to open the cabinet . Why would you think you get to open the cabinet when the four of us voted against it ? " He turned the key in the lock with a distinct click . The cabinet was unlocked . A terror struck Imani , then . A stark terror unlike anything she 'd felt before ; made of coldness , like a wall built by grief . She wanted to run far away from this cabinet , this house , this man . She could not believe he wanted this open when every fiber of her wanted nothing to do with it . " I have the key . They wanted me to find it . " He slid a finger through the loop of the pull , and started to open the door . Imani slapped her hand on the cabinet and held that door closed . " And what makes you think that they have good intentions ! " she said . " What makes you they want to help you ? " His hand dropped . " I don 't know . I mean . Huh . " His resolve was fading . " I don 't know . " Imani turned the key , engaging the lock . She withdrew the key from the hole . She put a hand on the man 's shoulder , suddenly feeling more warmly towards him . " Whatever is in there is part of another person 's story , " she said . " And whatever it is , we must leave it . " She would put the key back on the chain with the house keys . She would turn it over whenever she ended her work with the house . It was the owner 's problem now . " I was just so curious , " he said . " I just had to look . I mean , didn 't you want to look ? " Imani almost answered him , but how could she describe exactly how much she did not want to look ? How could she describe how hard she would have fought to keep him from looking ? How can she describe that he almost caused violence on this , of all nights ? They four women woke to a silent Christmas . " Oh my god , look everyone ! " said Eun , sitting in the window seat . They all went over to see the world coated in white powder . It was a clean morning , open and new , like the best of mornings . Full of any intention they could bring to it . Then they were leaving . Someone had Googled a nearby coffee shop that was open even today , so that 's where they would have breakfast . Eun was in front , holding her bags , her boots crunching the first steps in the new snow . Behind her Sandra and Cat holding hands . Imani followed , but stopped before they had gotten a block away . A whisper in her ear of something forgotten . " It 's colder than I thought , " she said . " I 'm going to check the pipes . Make sure they won 't freeze . Maybe leave some water on . Go on without me . I 'll catch up . " It struck her that the key should stay with the cabinet , no matter what , not on a keychain where it might get misplaced or lost in translation to the new owner . She had a paperclip . She 'd open it , bend it through the key , and then bend the other part through the handle . The cabinet was so plain . It seemed unlikely to belong to somebody as rich as the the people would live in this place . She felt its top , cool and smooth . Then she knelt in front of it . When she put the key in she braced herself for a rush of freezing wind , but nothing came . Not any strange feeling , not any otherworldly coldness , not a lack of humanity . Just a woman alone in a big empty house with a locked cabinet in the attic . Just Imani doing her job . Last night was foggy in her mind . So much had happened . All of it could be attributed to nerves , right ? To drink and smoke ; to Cat 's infectious phobias ; to fear of the unknown , and a weird old house that seemed less funny the more time she spent inside it . Then she remembered Cat 's description of the woman with dark hair and the red silken dress with lace and it was like that woman was standing behind her as Imani knelt . The hairs on the back of her neck stood straight up . She was being watched , she was sure . And , as if she could feel it instead of hear it , the woman watching her reassured her . This was put there for you , the woman said . It was brought here for you to find , and it will benefit you to open it and see what is inside . It will benefit your life and make your pain less , and your sorrows less , and your burden less . Imani rested her hand on the key for the longest time . She could take that paperclip and bend it , and forever that key will be attached to the cabinet where it belonged , and then she could just get up and walk away and meet her friends for breakfast . Or , perhaps , she could turn it . She could turn it and pull open that door . It was Christmas morning , after all . Imani was sure there was a present waiting for her inside . One of my favorite Christmas traditions is ghost stories . A Christmas Carol comes to mind first , of course . It has its own delights , to be sure - especially in reading , as opposed to the many dramatic renditions which have rendered it more toothless and hackneyed than it deserves . The story still has some spook and humor left in it , thanks to Dickens ' steady lyrical hand . Look how he described just how despicable Scrooge is : Oh ! But he was a tight - fisted hand at the grindstone , Scrooge ! a squeezing , wrenching , grasping , scraping , clutching , covetous , old sinner ! Hard and sharp as flint , from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire ; secret , and self - contained , and solitary as an oyster . The cold within him froze his old features , nipped his pointed nose , shriveled his cheek , stiffened his gait ; made his eyes red , his thin lips blue ; and spoke out shrewdly in his grating voice . A frosty rime was on his head , and on his eyebrows , and his wiry chin . He carried his own low temperature always about with him ; he iced his office in the dog - days ; and didn 't thaw it one degree at Christmas . External heat and cold had little influence on Scrooge . No warmth could warm , no wintry weather chill him . No wind that blew was bitterer than he , no falling snow was more intent upon its purpose , no pelting rain less open to entreaty . Foul weather didn 't know where to have him . The heaviest rain , and snow , and hail , and sleet , could boast of the advantage over him in only one respect . They often " came down " handsomely , and Scrooge never did . Dickens , of course , was drawing on an older tradition of ghost stories for Christmas . It is quaintly Victorian , when spinning scary yarns in the parlor was a way to pass the time . This seems strange , in this age when storytelling in the popular mediums is left to the professionals , but at one time having your group of friends all spin a tale would have been as common as having them accompany you to see a movie . These stories usually have little to do with Christian morals , and often had little to do even with the spirit of the season . They use the holidays as a circumstance in which to have people gather , and more than this , gather indoors . Rarely is there a true lesson to be imparted , although I certainly wouldn 't begrudge you one if one appeared . About a year ago , Colin Fleming covered the genre for the Paris Review . The first key to a Christmas ghost story is a convivial atmosphere . People in these stories are well fed , they 're often hanging out in groups , you feel like you 're hanging out with them , and you do not wish to leave any more than they do . It is cold outside but warm in here , and it 's time to rediscover that sense of play that so many of us adults lose over the years , and which , when we are fortunate , we remember to rediscover at Christmas . He listed five of his favorites , all readable online , and worth some time exploring . You may , or may not , find true fright , but sometimes luxuriating in laborious meandering prose of old - timey writing is balm to the modernist . Of all the Christmas ghost stories , my personal favorite is Frederick Forsyth 's " The Shepherd . " A gripping mid - century airplane yarn made famous in Canada by the radio show As it Happens which broadcasts it every Christmas Eve ( and which is where I first heard it ) . You can hear it here , and that reading is truly a classic telling of a remarkable story . We listen each Christmas , while driving to see family , a tradition I hold somewhat sacred in my little family . How strange it is to read or hear a story told again and again . Like a favorite song , parts stand out , and just when you think you 're tired of it , you find it anew . Ahead of me , as I waited for the voice of the controller to come through the headphones , was the runway itself , a slick black ribbon of tarmac , flanked by twin rows of bright - burning lights , illuminating the solid path cut earlier by the snowplows . Behind the lights were the humped banks of the morning 's snow , frozen hard once again where the snowplow blades had pushed them . Far away to my right , the airfield tower stood up like a single glowing candle amid the brilliant hangars where the muffled aircraftmen were even now closing down the station for the night . Perhaps there is no better way to honor the tradition of Christmas ghost stories than to write one yourself . The rules are as you want them to be - Victorian parlor games , or RAF pilots trying like the dickens to make it home in time for Christmas morning . Just remember the set pieces that all ghost stories need : a dead person , and an alive person who encounters them in an eerie setting . Whether the ghost is benevolent or not is up to the writer . Whether the outcome is good or not is as well , although , usually , at least one character needs to be left standing to tell the tale . If tomorrow , during the quiet in the day ( and we hope you have some ) , you find yourself thinking about Christmas ghost stories , we invite you to come back and pay our site a visit . We 're not saying we 'll have anything for you , but this season does offer strange hope ; even when it brushes up against unsettling horror . |
Greetings everyone ! We at World 's Best Cat Litter ™ love hearing from our customers , friends and fur - riends , so anytime we can turn a question into a fun contest , we pounce on the opportunity ! This month we are asking you or anyone you know to tell us the funniest story about your cat . You know , like the time you caught your cat in the hamper or the cat nip caused them to climb your dining room curtain … We know you have the ultimate LOL moments to share with us ! One day my coworker shared with me some fresh catnip to give to my cat Haru and told me that I should dry it out so it could last a while . I happily brought home the leaves to share with my catnip loving feline . Remembering that I had dried basil leaves in the oven before , I set about laying a cookie sheet with the catnip on it to dry . No sooner than five minutes baking , I noticed my Haru was acting a bit strangely . Soon enough he was dancing and yowling and bouncing all over . Oh no ! I had created a giant catnip bong in my kitchen and my cat was high ! I rushed about the house and opened all of the windows and sat perched with my cat fanning cool air into his face until he stopped seeing the flying pink mice or whatever other hallucinations he was having . I was so worried , but Haru didn 't seem to mind . Had purchased 2 ripe avocados and left them on my kitchen counter . Came home to 1 avocado . Looked high and low for that friggin ' thing . Could it have rolled away under a chair ? No . The avocado had disappeared . A few days later I 'm vacuuming in my living room and look under my sofa . There , a sad - looking avocado looking much like a pin cushion . The mystery ? My living room is 6 steps up from my kitchen . The cats had somehow rolled / carried it up the stairs - and neither of my cats fetches ( I 've never seen them carry anything in their mouths ) . I 'm convinced they have opposable thumbs . In November ' 09 , my cat who was 4 months old at the time , jumped from the couch and also ran full speed from the floor onto my parakeet 's cage which was sitting on the stereo . My boyfriend had to move the bird to another room . When he came back to the living room , the cat was on top of the stereo . She wanted to sit there so she could look out the window ! In about a year ago , my cat had an issue of over - eating ( because he had some hard time on the street ) . So , I had to keep his food on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet . One day I came back to my place , but I could not find my cat who usually come to the door to say hello to me . Where was he ? He was HANGING on the kitchen cabinet ! I guess he climbed up the kitchen cabinet all the way to the very top , and managed to open the door . Then , he tried to get inside of the cabinet and pull out the food . But , instead he ended up dangling at the edge of the shelf with softly mewing . . I have no idea how long he was hanging like that . My 2 yr old daughter got a kitchen set for her birthday . A few days later I couldn 't find my 2 Persians . I looked everywhere . Finally that night I decided to check the kitchen set . I opened the top oven and Lily was sleeping in there . Then I opened the bottom oven and Bella was sleeping in there . Since then Lily has been found in there many times ! Our 2 year old cat Eddie is very active , almost hyper . About a year ago he was into jumping on top of everything to get new perspectives . He apparently tried to jump on top of the 6 inch wide bannister on top of our open air staircase which didn 't work because when I looked up from where I was sitting on the couch I saw Eddie sliding belly down , bottom first down the bannister , his paws curled under it as if trying to hold on for dear life ! The summer that Tess came to live with us in our house in the country , after having spent her whole life in the confines of a downtown apartment , she learned that it was exciting , though quite safe , to bolt out the patio door onto the deck whenever we went out to put dinner on the barbecue . During a heavy snowstorm of her first winter with us , I stepped out onto the deck to better enjoy the silence and beauty of the snowfall . Tess dashed out between my feet . Shocked by the cold , deep snow , she let out a yowl and tried to jump clear of it . Unfortunately , she jumped forward into a deeper drift of snow . Yowl and jump . And again . And again , like a stone skipping on water . She was about 30 feet out into the yard before she stopped , finally realizing that there was no end to the wretched white stuff . I carried her back home . It was a long time before she would venture out onto the deck again , summer or winter . Let me introduce the kitty mafia that runs my house - Fat Lenny the brains behind the operation , Indigo the lackey and muscle , Sherwin aka the Water Boy who guards the fountain and Wonton the youngest looking to be a made kitty . The mafia kitties are a sneaky group who like to rub their escapades in your face . I never actually saw this happen only the aftermath so you can use your imagination . One morning I open my bedroom door to find an empty 3 lb bag of food in the hallway . You know how they draw dynamite explosions ? That is what the bag looked like . It was essentially turned in to a giant bowl . I imagine the scene went something like this … Lenny is perched on his ottoman while the other 3 look up at him . He declares that they have gone much too long without a heist and he has the perfect plan . " I will open the cupboard where she hides the food . Indigo and Water Boy you drag it into our room and make sure it is out of site . Wonton you listen at her door and give us the signal if you hear her coming . Once the mission is complete … WE FEAST ! " A few days later when the bag has been eaten Lenny says , " Let 's put this by her door and see if we can get a refill . " Not this time boys we are going on a diet ! Ha - ha I usually get the last laugh . I have a sweet little cat named Jacks . She is almost two years old . When she was a kitten , she was a horrible chewer . She would chew on just about anything , speaker wires and phone charger cords being her favorite … Thinking this was just a kitten phase , I figured she would grow out of it . No such luck . To this day , she still chews . One day at the pet store , I decided to get her a rubber Milkbone dog toy thinking maybe she would like the rubber consistency . Sure enough , when I gave it to her , she started chewing on it like a dog ! The bone is looking rough today ; I 'm probably going to have to replace it eventually . She has gotten good at holding it with one paw while she furiously chews . I 've never seen such a sight . She sure loves her bone . She 's my funny little cat - dog . When I was lest then half the age I am now we had a rescue cat named " Gumby " . Gumby had been a stray in the neighborhood we adopted … Or more correctly , she adopted us . So she was an indoor / outdoor cat . We had a room upstairs that had a balcony , and Gumby would sometimes enter or leave the house through the balcony door . One day I 'm sitting watching TV and was very interested in the story . I hear Gumby scratching to be let in at the balcony door . With my eyes glued to the TV I walk over and open it to let her in without looking . In my peripheral vision I register Gumby running in , across the room and behind an end table in the corner . Still only looking at the TV I shut the door and go back to my seat … And then I become aware of Gumby , sitting in the middle of the room looking at me as if to say " Are you done yet ? " I thought that was strange , but tried to ignore it , after a while though it was a bit unnerving . So I look at Gumby and , not really expecting an answer , ask , " What do you want ? " Just then I hear a noise from behind that table in the corner of the room . I look at the cat , Gumby tries to look innocent . " If you 're sitting there … " I say to her . I go check and it 's a LIVE BLACKBIRD with a hurt leg and wing . I look back at the cat , who hasn 't moved but is kinda looking at me over her shoulder as if to say , " What ? " All of my stories about my current cat , Wyll , are visual . So I 'd have to post of video of me telling the story . I hope my above post about Gumby , who is no longer with us , will suffice to win some goodies for Wyll . Cast of characters : Moose , ASH , big male of 18 lbs . ; Princess , white Persian , female , 7 lbs . ; Pyewocket , 9 lbs . , female ; Junior , 18 lbs . of fat cat , male . All are indoor cats but Moose is an excape artist who watches fauna from cat tree in family room with sliding glass doors and bolts whenever the hunting is good . The family room has vaulted ceiling with height of 20 feet . One day Moose made a break for it and brought me a present which I didn 't notice when opening the slider to let him in . He flew in with a mouthful of sparrow . Bird excaped and flew up to the skylights . 4 cats , in single file , began chasing the bird by running up the stairs onto the balcony and then down the stairs when the bird flew down . This looked like a scene from the 3 stooges and went on , up and down , for about 20 minutes before I could catch the poor bird and put it outside . My cat Oreo is not morning animal . He likes to sleep in and loves it when he has a warm human to curl up with in the morning also . After getting my new job , my alarm set for 6 : 00 a . m . , never went off . I tested the alarm ; it worked and the clock kept time . After a week of getting up late with no alarm , I set my phone alarm for 5 : 58 a . m . and put it under my pillow because vibrate wakes me up . The next morning , I felt the phone and opened my eyes to see my regular alarm going off , and lo and behold my cat Oreo got up from his curled position on my pillow and sits on top of my alarm . He completely envelops the alarm and muffles the beeping completely . At 6 : 05 a . m . the alarm stops beeping and my cat get 's off the alarm and goes back to his curled position on my pillow as if it had never happened ! 10 years ago , I rescued 2 feral kittens who were so young , their eyes were not even opened . I named them Harlequin Davidson , and the Sundance Kid , Harley and Sunny . My wolfdog , Spirit , helped me raise them , by grooming and cleaning them while I bottle fed . This led to 2 cats who have an identity crisis . They don 't quite seem to know if they are cats , dogs , or humans . After watching Spirit play fetch for Lo ! these many years , Harley has now decided that he must follow suit . He has taken to stealing socks and slippers , and bringing them to me , meowing loudly - and with his mouth full - as he trots to lay his recently killed clothing items at my feet . At night , while I sleep , Harley sets about arranging his offerings , and I now awaken to find my bed surrounded by a half - circle of small plundered clothing items . He is most smug when he brings me his kills , proud of his prowess at hunting down his chosen prey . But he also seems to know when the camera is pointed his way , because so far , I have not been able to get a photo shot off ! When we moved into our current apartment , I didn 't fully appreciate the difference between having lever door handles instead of doorknobs , at least from a cat 's point of view . When I went to the laundry room , I left the door closed , but unlocked , as I had always done in the old place . I came back out into the hall to find my cat Wabble wandering around the hall . Thinking I must not have closed the door properly , I shooed him back inside and made sure to pull the door all the way closed when I went back down to the laundry room . When I came back , Wabble was out in the hall again . I asked my roommate if she had let him out , but she said no . The third time I went down , I came back to find him in the hall again . My roommate said he had let himself out . At her direction , I left the door closed , but unlocked , and watched him from the kitchen , and sure enough , he walked up to the door , looked around , then raised himself up on his back legs and pulled the handle . The door swung open enough for him to get his paws in to open it , and out he went . Now we lock the door whenever we go out so we won 't find the cats out in the hall when we get back . The story about Tess reminded me of one my mom told me about our cat Tonka when I was away at college . At the time , we lived in a townhouse with a small , semi - enclosed front garden . One late spring evening , when she came home from work , both Tonka and his housemate Boots went skittering out the front door when she opened it to come in , and went into the garden , which also had a sliding glass door into the kitchen . When Mom went into the kitchen , she opened the glass , but not the screen . Seeing the door open , Tonka tried to walk in , but was stopped by the screen , so he decided he must jump . After he bounced off , he decided he must jump higher . After watching him do this about three or four times , Mom took pity on him and opened the screen . By then , of course , he didn 't trust it and waited for Boots to go in first . Jasmine likes to drown her toy mice , usually in the toilet . If I forget to close the lid , I will almost certainly find an unfortunate mouse at the bottom of the bowl . I have no idea where or how she learned that drowning prey was the final act of the big hunt . If the toilet is closed , she will often look for another water source when it 's time to drown her mouse . I 've found them in her water dish many times . One night , I was watching television and stepped away . I returned to my seat and without a glance , grabbed my glass of iced tea and took a drink … of wet felt mouse . I blurted out " Ugggghhhhh ! " and spit it back into the glass , then frantically tried to get the felt threads off my tongue . I have 2 cats Hemi ( the brain ) & Mia ( pinky ) . We just got adopted an enlish bulldog 1yr ago and they were not fans . They have tried to get rid of her twice now . Hemi , I swear has aposable thumbs , he can open any cabinet or drawer . He opened the cabinet to the dog food while I was out buying child safety latches . Our bulldog has no self control when it comes to food and ate 4lbs of dog food . Had to go to emergency vet and have stomach pumped ( $ 350 ) . She survived , so this past halloween we put the candy in a bowl in a cabinet , that the cat never opens . Well we were gone and that cat opened it and the dog ate 1 bag of bite sized candy bars , wrappers and all . Another trip to the vet to pump stomach . Needless to say , all cabinets are latched and now they nap on the same couch together . " If you can 't BEAT ' em , Join ' em ! " I was in the kitchen about to prepare some raw food for my cats , when I dropped a large chicken thigh on the floor . My two - pound foster kitten , Alice ( who has since been adopted ) , grabbed the piece of chicken that was almost the same size as her body and took off running as fast as one possibly can while carrying something that large by one 's teeth . She was so proud of her catch that the other kitties wanted to know she had and flocked around her . She became a very fierce and growled while smacking the ground in front of her with her claws out so no one could comer near her piece of chicken . She was quite scary for a two - pound kitten that fit in the palm of my hand . To stop the commotion , I reached down and grabbed the piece of chicken to which a tiny growling kitten was still attached . She was ready to fight to the death for it , so I shut her in a bathroom so she could finish it in peace because there was no getting it back from her . We moved into a house in the hills , along came with it couple of feral cats fighting not to mention a pregnant female . I followed some advice and participated in the TNR program here in Los Angeles for ferals . Most of the ferals were males . After their procedure they were released never to be seen again except one large male , hoped the others cats didn 't belong to the neighbors . Anyway 1 large male cat decided to stick around for his daily meals which went from table food to cat food , my 1 feral cat colony . Then came a long a sick stray , took him in , got him all well and fixed up including chipped , tried to find a home for him , no takers for a 7 month old . So since the stray , now indoor , was keeping the mice and bugs away , he earned his keep , somewhere we fell in love with him . One day as I was cleaning out the litter box for the indoor kitty and I returned upstairs to sit down and I noticed the feral cat was sitting at an open window . I see him jump in the house and rushed through the house very quickly but with caution and down the stairs . I thought where is he going and what is he going to doing ? So I followed him quietly and curiously to see what he was up to . Keeping my distance I listened at the top of the steps wondering if he was eating the cat food laid out for the indoor cat ; OH MY , IT ' S WORSE ! ! ! I hear him using the cat litter box . I hear him scraping / scratching to cover his duty . Then next thing you know he races up the stairs , runs pass like a runaway train and out the window he goes and sits in the yard like he didn 't do anything . Unbelievable , as much as I dislike cleaning the litter box I now have to clean the litter box for two kitties ; I would love my indoor to go outdoors so I wouldn 't need to have a litter box . Months later he still comes in when the window is open to use the litter box on a regular basis . I had to get a bigger covered litter box by the way , as the feral is pretty large and his covering / digging technique throws litter everywhere outside the box , the bathroom walls included . When my sister and I were young , our parents took us on vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina . Our seal point Siamese , who only ever really loved my mother , was along for the ride . It was a hot August day , with the Valiant rolling down the eastern seaboard headed for Nag 's Head . Dad was driving with sis behind him . Sandy 's litter box was below her feet , which barely dangled over the edge in their beat - up navy Keds . The windows were open , pre - air conditioning , and we were relatively quiet , given our years and tendency to squabble . Then Heather dropped her doll . And the whining - which my usually patient father abhorred - began . With one arm on the wheel he reached behind him with the other and felt around in the box for the soft doll - when he finally snagged her , he tossed her to my sister and tugged his arm out of the too small space between the door and his seat back . He reached up and wiped the sweat from his forehead and then gasped . My mother realized what had happened and started to laugh . She was laughing so hard it surprised both of us ! " Knock it off Shirley and find me a tissue ! " Dad had smeared cat poo on his forehead while driving down I - 95 in August . And my mother was laughing too hard to see into the depths of her handbag for a now priceless used Kleenex . Did I mention Sandy only ever really loved Mom ? Our cat Loki is a young cat , not even a year old . So far , we have kept him off the kitchen counter quite successfully . Sure he jumps on it form time to time , but not more than once or twice a month ( that we see 😉 ) , so we are usually pretty confident nothing will happen to the things left around the kitchen . One evening my partner made a pica for himself and left it on the counter to cool a bit , since it was quite hot , right from the oven . After a few minutes , when it should have been just about ready to eat , he went to the kitchen and I heard screaming , or should I say roaring ( like a lion ) the second he stepped trough the door . Loki ( our cat ) was standing ON the pica , his front paws immersed in the cheese , casually eating the ham from the top of the said pica . My partner surprised him of course , so he jumped to the floor but some cheese got stuck to his paws and it was like he was wearing these little cheese shoes . Since he knew he did something he shouldn 't he escaped to the top of a closet , where it would take us a while to " get him " if we decided to . Once there he again started to casually eat the cheese he has " brought with him " . Cat Travels ! This story involves not only a funny cat tale , but cat litter as well . Some twenty years ago my cat Tosh and I found our selves on a relocation road trip from AR to NM . Not giving the litter box thing much thought . I just put him and his box in the back of the old S - 10 Blazer . I figured he could just use it at his leisure . About half way into the trip I noticed he had not used the box at all . He just slept . No big deal , he must have a strong bladder . But that soon changed . Half way across Texas he started wandering around the truck . Into the box , out of the box , into the box , out of the box . As we approached the NM state line I realized I had to do something for my now frantic , panic stricken cat . Suddenly I see a rest area . " Perfect " I think to myself , what could be better , New Mexico has sand for miles , the litter box of the world . But NOOOOO ! After finding what I thought would be the perfect spot , all he did was dig and cry dig and cry . Left with no option I had to find a way for him to use his box in somewhat familiar surroundings . Eureka , the Men 's room . With the litter box in one hand and him in the other we made the mad dash up to the facilities . Soon we were inside . Relief at last ! Oh but it gets better , just as I was watching him gleefully relieving himself I hear A very perturbed , very Female voice say to me . " Excuse me sir , but I think you and your cat are in the wrong rest room . In my panic at 3 : 00 am , I failed to notice the sign on the door and the lack of urinals on the walls . She just watched with her hands on her hips as we apologetically slipped off into the weeee hours of the morning . Eureka , my seven - pound indoor - only cat has always considered herself a supreme hunter , despite never having actually hunt anything . She enjoys sitting in the enclosed porch and making strange noises when birds fly by . Several years ago , she got her big chance to show off her hunting skills when a bird got caught in the chimney . When the bird flew into the house and was fluttering about , rather than chasing him or trying to catch him , Eureka jumped into the chimney to hide . Imagine the scene : my mom chasing the bird thoughout the house while my cat hides in the chimney . Eventually , we got the bird out , and I had to give my very dirty cat a bath . My Himalayan has a funny sense of humor . I had a petite Pom who liked to stake out her territory by putting a kib or treat in the middle of the room and then sitting there " daring " anyone to get too close . My himmy watched her one day from the top of the couch , waited until she looked away , flew off the couch , grabbed the kib and kept on going . The Pom looked around , noticed her kib was gone and began frantically looking all over for what happened to her kib ? I don 't think she ever figured it out . I was laughing uncontrollably ! Quite a while ago we moved to a new home . The house was quite large and about 40 years old with a basement . Our cat Min Min , who was an indoor cat , appeared to be adjusting to the new house . One day Min Min disappeared . We couldn 't find her and we were worried . Did she get out of the house and not know how to get back ? We searched for her but to no avail . The next day what comes walking into our kitchen during dinner ? A scraggily looking Min Min who was covered in the darkest cobwebs and dust we have ever seen . She had discovered a very small crawl space in the basement . She came out with 40 years of dust , cobwebs , and grime attached to her . Six month after the death of Miss Kitty , I was at the mall to buy some shoes . I noticed the Pet Store has some kittens out front . Naturally , I stopped to look at the kittens and saw a kitten that resembled Miss Kitty , who was tortoise shell cat . Long story short , I took her home . I never did get any shoes that weekend . She went nameless for a couple of days until she fell trying to go from the couch to the end table . My first reaction was to say , " Well , Grace " . And so her name became Grace . Grace owned her yard and all the neighborhood cats knew it . One day I was watching her sun herself on the porch and noticed that Romeo , the neighborhood tomcat , was walking through the yard . When Romeo saw Grace , he turned away from the house and walked down to the street sidewalk and proceeded the remaining 20 feet to his yard and walked up to his porch . Grace never moved . I laughed so hard because Romeo was a big yellow streetwise 15 - pound cat and Grace was a tiny tortie of about 8 pounds . Our cat Mia loves to greet guests to our apartment in her own way . She 'll wait until the go to the bathroom , then push on the door , swinging it wide open to expose our guest in all of their glory . Needless to say , we now must warn guests that they must close and latch the bathroom door when nature calls . I grew up with was a grouchy cat that frequently terrorized me by chasing me up the stairs of my home , latching her arms around my ankles , and digging her teeth into my legs . Many years later , another cat came to live with me . With a great sense of humor and a playful nature , he enjoys terrorizing me in a different way . Our favorite game involves my hiding behind an extended wall of our home that is only three feet high . I scratch my hand on the side of the wall and he jumps up at it . Once in awhile , I even pop my head up over the top of wall to really surprise him . During this game , on more than one occasion he has run off into another room and left me scratching pitifully at the wall , trying to coax him back . When I finally realize that he has finished playing and I start to walk away , he runs at me from the other room at full speed and narrowly misses me as he runs past . I think he enjoys the startle that it gives me . Occasionally , instead of just running past me , he runs at me and stands up on his hind legs like a bear , with his front legs stretched out . I scream , reminded of the cat that used to terrorize me as a child , but I am certain that he is laughing his tail off inside . My life before Bob and Carol adopted me isn 't relevant except to say that life in the wild was an adventure with plenty of stimulation and many warm , tasty meals . In fact , I was a great hunter , if I must say so myself . Still , I was missing that thing called ' TLC ' - you know , tender loving care ( in other words , pampering ) as well as a guarantee of ' three hots and a cot ' every day . Because of this , Bob and Carol easily lured me into their house by offering me a turkey dog . The dog tasted great , and my mouth salivated for more ; but I soon found out the dog was only a deception - a way to entice me into their house . How do I know ? Well , for one thing , in almost three years I have never had another turkey dog . Instead , Carol gave me dry cat food - UGH ! When I protested by not eating this junk , she switched to canned food . Can you imagine all the preservatives and entrails I ate ? It is enough to make you toss up a hairball . You see , Carol is a vegetarian . Do you know what a cat 's definition of a vegetarian is : a lousy hunter . Anyway , she won 't even cook meat dishes for her husband . If Bob wants meat , he has to buy and prepare it himself . What did I get myself into ? Before I decide to live with someone in my next life , I am asking for references . My Maine Coon Zoe is probably the most accurate Saturday morning alarm clock known to humankind . And Zoe is a sports cat as well . Each Saturday morning at 3 : 44am , Zoe jumps up on my bed and then softly meows her morning greetings . OK , no big deal I think - until I don 't immediately get out of bed . Next , I feel her 9 pounds of fur walking northward to my chest and face with the determination of a feline on a mission . And that mission is to get me up for early morning TV watching . As Zoe approaches my face , I realize she 's not slowing down , and too late I feel the determined headbut against my chin … well now I 'm awake and realize there will be no more sleep for me until we watch the first EPL soccer game of the weekend . Once in the living room , Zoe continues to meow at the top of her lungs until the TV is on and Wayne Rooney is scoring another goal for Manchester United . Zoe jumps on my lap , faces the TV and quietly watches with me as I gently stroke her fur . I grew up with was a grouchy cat that frequently terrorized me by chasing me up the stairs of my home , latching her arms around my ankles , and digging her teeth into my legs . Many years later , another cat came to live with me . With a great sense of humor and a playful nature , he enjoys terrorizing me in a different way . Our favorite game involves my hiding behind an extended wall of our home that is only three feet high . I scratch my hand on the side of the wall and he jumps up at it . Once in awhile , I even pop my head up over the top of wall to really surprise him . During this game , on more than one occasion he has run off into another room and left me scratching pitifully at the wall , trying to coax him back . When I finally realize that he has finished playing and I start to walk away , he runs at me from the other room at full speed and narrowly misses me as he runs past . I think he enjoys the startle that it gives me . Occasionally , instead of just running past me , he runs at me and stands up on his hind legs like a bear , with his front legs stretched out . I scream , reminded of the cat that used to terrorize me as a child , but I am certain that he is laughing his tail off inside . I grew up with was a grouchy cat that frequently terrorized me by chasing me up the stairs of my home , latching her arms around my ankles , and digging her teeth into my legs . Many years later , another cat came to live with me . With a great sense of humor and a playful nature , he enjoys terrorizing me in a different way . Our favorite game involves my hiding behind an extended wall of our home that is only three feet high . I scratch my hand on the side of the wall and he jumps up at it . Once in awhile , I even pop my head up over the top of wall to really surprise him . During this game , on more than one occasion he has run off into another room and left me scratching pitifully at the wall , trying to coax him back . When I finally realize that he has finished playing and I start to walk away , he runs at me from the other room at full speed and narrowly misses me as he runs past . I think he enjoys the startle that it gives me . Occasionally , instead of just running past me , he runs at me and stands up on his hind legs like a bear , with his front legs stretched out . I scream , reminded of the cat that used to terrorize me as a child , but I am certain that he is laughing his tail off inside . Another Grace story . She was a well trained indoor / outdoor cat . One day I notice her sitting at the glass door wanting to come inside . I opened the door and let her inside and went about my business . About 5 minutes later , I heard her meowing at the door to go out . So I let her out . Then I realized she had come inside to use the litter box . She did this for quite some time until , I guess she finally realized the outdoors was a big litter box . We have six cats : four came to us as strays ; two were rescued . They range in age from 2 - 15 years . Our white cat , Francesca had surgery that required her to wear an Elizabethan cone collar . One day I came home to see Luciano , our blue - gray boy , wearing Francesca 's cone collar backwards over his head . He looked very confused . I don 't know how he removed it from her or how he got it on backwards , but we thought it was pretty funny . I think the other cats laughed at him too . My husband showed up late and put the carrier on a chair - with TWO kitties inside . He told me that Dundee stood on top of the carrier hollering and refusing to budge . No one was taking HIS buddy anywhere without HIS okay ! So my husband had to stick both of them in the carrier for the vet visit . While the doctor was examining Diego , I held Dundee in my arms so he could supervise the whole examination - to make sure everything was done correctly , and no harm came to his best friend . After the procedure , we put them back together in the carrier , so Dundee could give Diego a thorough " cat scan . " Thomas was my strapping , ten - year - old orange tabby cat - a genius among cats he was . Gracie was our new Weegie kitten , two pounds of fluff with a broken tail and very little upstairs . But she learned to play Fetch the Puff Ball with me , and would happily scamper after the tossed ball and bring it back to me for another throw . Thomas was observing this activity , and decided it was time for him to step in and show Gracie how a " real " cat plays with a puff ball . So he grabbed the ball from her , rolled over on his back , and proceeded to kill the puff ball in proper cat fashion . Then he got up , rolled the ball back to Gracie and waited , as if to say , " Okay , now you try it . " Gracie obediently picked up the puff ball in her dainty mouth , and brought it straight to me , so we could go right back to her favorite game . She had learned NOTHING ! Thomas apparently decided she was hopeless , so he turned on his paws and stalked out of the room , flipping his orange tabby tail in disgust . A few weeks ago , my five - month - old kitten , Coal , discovered a new toy . I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and found that he had jumped onto the toilet , grabbed the toilet paper with his mouth , and unraveled the entire roll ! Neither of my two other older kittens , Clea or Oreo , had done this before . I have since kept the toilet paper on the shelf out of reach , waiting for him to get over the novelty . But then the other morning , I was in the bathroom doing my hair and I heard rustling , so I knew Coal was in my closet . What I didn 't know was what he was actually doing . I finished my hair and walked out of the bathroom to see Coal running out of my bedroom with a roll of toilet paper in his mouth ! ! Thump . Thump thump . Thump . You know that cat is around here some place , in the bedroom ? Nope . In the bathroom ? Nope . The hallway ? Nope . Thump Thump ! Certainly sounds like it 's coming from the bathroom . No cat in the litter box . No cat in the sink . Not in the bathtub . Not on the cabinet above the toilet . Turn to leave , and suddenly a cat lands on your shoulder with a happy " Meow " . Seems he got on top of the door and needed a handy step to get down ! We have 3 Bengal kittens , one who has a tendency to get " stuck " . One of their favorite games involves a motion - activated light up ball placed in an empty Kleenex box . They love trying to get the ball out , and carrying the box around until the ball " dies " . Of course , in their attempts to get the ball out , they try grabbing it with their mouths , which results in the box getting stuck on their head . The one boy , I swear , so much as looks at the box and it somehow gets stuck on his head , we 're constantly have to pull it off , only to have to do so again a minute later to keep him from bashing about the room in a blind daze . For this very reason , this is an adult supervision only game . We 're transitioning our cats to a raw diet consisting of supplemented meat and bones . Last night one of the boys , who 's been the most reluctant to enjoy the new raw food , decided to chow down on the chicken thigh we left out for them to enjoy . As this was the first time we 've seen him show any interest in the bones ( as opposed to his brother and sister who routinely pick the bones clean ) , we showered him with praises " Good Boy ! Eat your dinner , good boy ! " Of course , during the second that we look away , he bites too firmly into the meaty end of the bone and ends up with it stuck one of his canine fangs . We look back to find him furiously shaking his head about and pawing his face , trying to get the stuck bone free ! With a quick dash over , laughing all the way , I swoop in to the rescue and free him from the bone , which he happily continued to devour . We have a huge 22lb cat we believe is a maine coon . He will eat practically anything . I had a Togo 's sandwich for lunch which I was taking in a Starbucks paper bag ( the kind with the rope handles ) . I had left it on the floor next to my purse while I finished getting ready . We heard a loud ruckus and saw Tommy running around the house with his head stuck in the bag handles trying to get it off . The little piggy had put his head through the straps to get at the sandwich and had gotten stuck . He was not injured or in danger but he did learn not to put his head where it doesn 't belong . Gina Scheidt I have two cats , a year old tabby named Leo and a all white blue eyed baby doll named Bella . When we first got Leo he was the runt of the litter and last one left . He was the cutest little guy ever . Then 6 months later Bella came along . At first Leo didn 't know what to think . But soon after they became best friends . The things they do is amazing . They clean each other , sleep at the top of their tower post together looking like a oreo smashed together . And chase each other all night long . But the funny thing is Leo hides in the dark around the corner and just sits and waits for Bella to come along . He then makes a noise I have never heard another cat make almost like a laughing sound . He also has a favorite table at his grandmas and gets under the table and waits for his next prey . The way they act together is our nightly entertainment . We love them both very much . Visiting our little mobile home , tucked in the middle of the Maine woods , with our closest neighbors about half mile away down the dirt road was always an experience of some kind . Our two kids and several cats would either be the entertainment or have to be entertained . Abby our cat was always the hunter of the family , always finding a field mouse and leaving its remains at the front door as a gift . I would often run to the back door to let the other cats in but she usually beat me there , proud a second time with her gift . The other cats would pretend to hunt the mice but usually pretend was the best word to describe their hunting . If the cats did find a mouse , it became their play toy . Catch it - let it go - catch it again . Snowman was another one of our cats . He was the devilish cat , always up to something , always playing around . I had washed and wiped dry the dishes one night leaving the dish water in the dish pan in the sink until after the news . Imagine my surprise to return to see Snowman sitting on the counter next to the sink . He had that look on his face - a new adventure . He was not afraid of the water in the dish pan . In fact he kept putting his paw into the dishpan , spinning the sponge around and around and around … . as a poor little mouse sat on the sponge getting dizzy . Visiting our little mobile home , tucked in the middle of the Maine woods , with our closest neighbors about half mile away down the dirt road was always an experience of some kind . Our two kids and several cats would either be the entertainment or have to be entertained . Abby our cat was always the hunter of the family , always finding a field mouse and leaving its remains at the front door as a gift . I would often run to the back door to let the other cats in but she usually beat me there , proud a second time with her gift . The other cats would pretend to hunt the mice but usually pretend was the best word to describe their hunting . If the cats did find a mouse , it became their play toy . Catch it - let it go - catch it again . Snowman was another one of our cats . He was the devilish cat , always up to something , always playing around . I had washed and wiped dry the dishes one night , leaving the dish water in the dish pan in the sink until after the news . Imagine my surprise to return to see Snowman sitting on the counter next to the sink . He had that look on his face - a new adventure . He was not afraid of the water in the dish pan . In fact he kept putting his paw into the dishpan , spinning the sponge around and around and around … . as a poor little mouse sat on the sponge getting dizzy . My cat Fancee is always underfoot esp . when I have been gone and she has been " abandoned " by me for a few hours . This day I had been shopping , when I came home sure enough she was right underfoot begging for her attention . But first I needed to put away the groceries … In the meantime I accidently dropped one of those plastic bags on the floor . Fancee decided if I would ignore her she would amuse herself with that sack ( which happened to be blue ) . She would paw it and jump back like it scared her she did this for awhile I was watching to see nothing was being chewed on . When all at once she took off like a rocket running thru the house with the handle of the bag around her neck ( it was really loose ) the bad flying like batmans cape and everytime she would slow down the bag would fall and hit her in the rump so the bag would scare her again and off she would go I was laughing so hard I could hardly catch " batman " to get the bag off of her . Needless to say she has never gone around another plastic bag and I make very sure to keep them off the floor . However we did think about dressing her as Batman for Halloween . While I was out , my father was babysitting my kids ( and my cats . ) When I returned he was flustered and tired . Had the kids given him problems ? No , but he saw one of my cats outside and had to chase it around and finally cornered and brought her in . Only problem was , she was not my cat ………… I WAS IN THE SHOWER ONE DAY AND HAD LEFT MY CELL PHONE ON THE COFFEE TABLE . AS I WAS GETTING OUT I HEARD MY PHONE RINGING AND RAN TOWARD IT TO ANSWER . . WELL I WAS TOO LATE , MY CAT BREES HAD ALREADY ANSWERED IT . . SHE HAD IT ON THE FLOOR AND WAS BITING AND STOMPING ON THE KEYS . I COULD HEAR MY HUSBAND YELLING " HELLO , HELLO " . I HAD JUST CHANGED MY RINGTONE TO ALAN JACKSONS " FIVE O ' CLOCK SOMEWHERE " . I GUESS SHE LIKES COUNTRY MUSIC , SHE HAD NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE AND SHE DOESN ' T TRY TO ANSWER ANYONE ELSES PHONE . NOW EVERYTIME MY PHONE RINGS I HAVE TO PRY IT FROM HER GRUBBY LITTLE PAWS ( SHE EVEN REMOVES IT FROM THE CASE ON MY PURSE ) ! |
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Although he had many times led beautiful Amy gently ( ever so gently ) to the brink of consummation over the course of their two years together , professor and student in erotic endeavor as well as in her musical studies , he had steadfastly declined to rob her of her technical virginity ; it would be both unfair to her and an act of infidelity to his wife . He wanted to preserve her purity because he loved her . ( " And he does , I know he does , " she whispered , her cheeks pink with recollected passion . ) The most he would permit , during their clandestine after - hours meetings in his office , was for her to express her desire by gratifying his , on her knees on a small oriental rug with which he had thoughtfully decorated his office for that purpose . Now she was graduating and wouldn 't see him again . How was she going to survive , back with her parents in their Upper East Side apartment facing the park ? They didn 't know about this life - altering relationship and wouldn 't understand if they did . She simply couldn 't leave campus those last few weekends while there was a chance he might be able to plead some unfinished work in the office ( he composed as well as taught ) and call her on the dormitory phone Saturday or Sunday afternoon to meet him there . I listened with shining eyes . Why was I not the heroine of such a heartbreaking drama ? Well , I knew why . Who could possibly love my plump cheeks , round chin , round stomach and thighs ? But hearing about a love like that was second best to suffering it myself . I eagerly accepted her invitation to come with her on the four - or five - day Atlantic City trip after her graduation . She needed to get away , she said , before the many dreary and loveless years of living at home . [ How , she asked rhetorically , could she ever love again , after Him ? ] I too needed some time away to shrink my stomach in preparation for spending the whole summer with my hypercritical mother , who had occasionally begun asking the heavens what would become of me after college . What better place and company for that than the seaside in June with lovely heartbroken Amy ? " You won 't meet anyone in Atlantic City , " said my mother . Did she mean no eligible man would cross my path , or no man would be interested ? Meeting men was absolutely not the purpose of this trip , I declared . We were just going to get some sun while Amy recovered from an unhappy love affair . No , I couldn 't answer any more questions because the man was married and rather famous in musical circles . We went by bus . As we emerged from the Atlantic City terminal , it began to rain . We 'd rented a small furnished room , bath down the hall , on the second floor of a rooming house near the Boardwalk - the idea being we wouldn 't be in the room much so why spend money to stay somewhere fancy ? Fancy it wasn 't : two single beds , one bedstand with lamp , a single bureau , a shallow closet and a sink . We unpacked and peered out the window behind the headboards . The rain was now a downpour . " Good thing we brought books and umbrellas , " said Amy . " We can go sit in a nice hotel lobby and read . " I had no better ideas . After a modest lunch at the nearest cafeteria on Pacific Avenue , we put up our wet umbrellas and fought the winds coming from the Boardwalk to reach a hotel . In deep lobby chairs we read all afternoon . Early dinner in the same hotel . Then up with the umbrellas again to struggle back to the rooming house . I finished my book in bed . It continued to pour for four more days . No beach . No healthful walks on the Boardwalk . I didn 't regret the loss of beach ; I had no bathing suit that fit and had brought only shorts and a few short - sleeve shirts left over from high school summers in case we were going to do a lot of lying around on the sand getting tan . But I had counted on the walks , to begin burning up the multiple thousands of excess calories I must have deposited on my person since the last time I had been , briefly , at what I considered a desirable weight . Instead , we had to read on our beds for as long as we could after coming back from breakfast in the coffee shop around the corner - our wet umbrellas propped open on the floor to dry - before venturing out for a repeat of the first day 's activities . Amy didn 't mind . She enjoyed observing hotel guests from the depths of a comfortable fauteuil in each hotel lobby we visited , and even began to develop a preference in lobbies , based on some perceived distinction between the clientele on view . She said it helped take her mind off Him . Not having a Him on my mind , I soon lost interest in gazing at wet strangers hurrying into hotels and began to resent having spent what little cash I had on such a vapid travel experience . I suggested finding a movie . Atlantic City couldn 't be without movie theaters . Amy thought movies inappropriate in light of her grief and asked me to be more understanding . I grew increasingly hungry . I had been eating very little at our meals in hopes of maybe losing a pound or two even without the walks . The unfamiliar abdominal emptiness , coupled with so much sitting and listening to her now tiresome ruminations about what He might be doing at any particular moment , was tempered only by the growing certitude my stomach was shrinking . On the fifth day , the sun came out . Amy pulled on her bathing suit , in which she looked gorgeous . I buttoned my shorts , with effort . And off we went - to the beach , to the beach ! - bearing towels , baby oil and sunglasses . We had about six hours before having to slip old cotton dresses over the beachwear , collect our bags from the rooming house and catch the bus back to New York . It was enough to achieve what we 'd allegedly come for . " Mmmm , you got a nice tan , " said my mother as I unlocked the door that evening . " And it looks as if you lost a pound or two . You want to eat something ? " Son 's mom : Well , your brother and the kids came down Saturday . Bill brought me a dozen yellow roses . We 're going out to dinner . ( Pause . ) Did you know my parents were married on July 23 , too ? Son 's mom : Back when I was eleven , twelve , I used to say I was born on my parents ' wedding day . I thought it sounded risqué . A very pregnant bride being rushed to the hospital right after saying " I do ! " Son 's mom : Six . Then my mother wanted a baby . She got more than she bargained for . Thirty - six hours of labor . Husband out of a job in the middle of the depression . I heard all about it . Especially the thirty - six hours of labor . She used to joke I didn 't want to come out . They had to pull me out with forceps . Lazy from the day I was born . Son 's mom : Maybe . But my mother also felt one was enough . When I was pregnant with you , she was not supportive . She asked what I needed another for . Son 's mom : Well , I don 't really just " crank . " It takes time to come up with a topic at least some people might be interested in . Bill says I could write about anything . I don 't know about that . Son 's mom : You think ? Suppose I wrote about being born on my parents ' wedding anniversary . How would readers feel when I criticize my mother to everyone ? When I was a young child , July 16 was one of the two dates in the calendar I knew as well as my own birthday . It was the day my mother was born . The other was January 18 , my father 's birthday . They were as important to me as Christmas and the presents it brought . The year she turned forty , my mother turned her back on July 16 . " Don 't remind me ! " she said . It was the era of pin - up girls . She must have felt she was finished . ( She would live another forty - nine years . ) She didn 't understand the birthdays of the people we love are worth celebrating no matter how many have come before , because we 're so glad they 're here for us to love . My mother hasn 't been here to love for more than two decades . After I grew up , she also made loving her very hard for me . She didn 't succeed . I think of her every July 16 . I probably always will . Her mother 's despondency didn 't lift . Anna dealt with it by spending as little time with her as possible . Every school night she worked in her room for three or four hours on her Latin , English , Algebra and Biology assignments , including the ones for extra credit . On Saturdays she always tried to arrange a visit to one of her new high - school friends from another borough . On Sundays she took long walks all around Kew Gardens and Forest Hills no matter the weather , peering into the windows of other people 's houses and daydreaming of life in another family . Behind the closed door of her room she also made frequent and lengthy entries in her diary , including every detail of her mother 's complaints about her , so there should be some record of them . Since this will not be read by anyone till I am gone , I can confide from the inner recesses of my soul and hold back nothing . Someday I will be famous , and after I am dead people will want to know all about me . That is my motive for writing in this secret book . It is an account for posterity of what is going on in my life , so that future generations will not have to speculate about missing facts . One November weekend when her father was home she went with him to buy the Sunday paper . Being unable to keep up with him when she was little , and even the business later with the belt , seemed so long ago and insignificant compared to her present circumstances . Besides , it was no problem at all to keep up with him without getting out of breath now she was fourteen ; they could even have a conversation while they were walking . She told him she was having a lot of trouble with her mother . Nothing she did was ever right . She didn 't know any more what would please her . As soon as the words were out of her mouth , she wished them back again . Suppose her father didn 't believe her ? After all , her mother always cheered up when he was there . Surprisingly , he nodded thoughtfully . " Yes , she was . And he was a famous orchestra conductor . They were here in New York for a series of concerts in 1914 when war broke out so they couldn 't get home again . And after the revolution , naturally they didn 't want to . He - Danilov - was about my father 's age . A fine musician and a real man of the world . Very helpful to me when I was young and just off the boat . " " Of course not , " said her father . " They moved to L . A . just after you were born . But before that , I always felt I could go to him when I needed advice . " " And , " said Anna 's father , " after I had been married to your mother for about six months , I realized I was tired of her . I was only twenty - four and she was already very boring . I wanted a divorce . So I went to Danilov to ask what to do . You know what he said ? " " He said , ' So what if you 're bored ? You get divorced , you 'll find another woman , and in six months you 'll be bored with that one too . This one is young and pretty . Why go through the trouble to change ? They 're all the same . Manage with what you 've got . ' " They had reached the front door of their apartment house . For a moment Anna was flooded with pleasure to learn that her father found her mother boring . Then she wondered what lesson she was supposed to draw from this confidence . Manage with the mother she had ? That 's what she was already doing ! It wasn 't until years later , when she was seeing her first shrink , that Anna began to wonder why her father had been so ready to share advice from a so - called man of the world with his fourteen - year old daughter about wanting to leave her mother . Did he think he was comforting her ? He had even seemed in a particularly good mood for the rest of that day . Once school began again in the fall Anna didn 't see her father much except on Sundays , when he didn 't go to work . She would be on her way to P . S . 99 before he was up in the morning . By the time she came home in the late afternoon he had usually already left with his cello for the subway trip to whichever downtown hotel he was playing at . And because he had to be there from the beginning of the cocktail hour until they stopped serving dinner , he wouldn 't get back again until eleven or so , by which time Anna was in bed if there was school the next day . Sometimes on Friday or Saturday nights she did still happen to be up that late , listening to records in the living room or talking with her mother about the movie they had just come back from seeing . But once they heard the sound of his key in the lock , her mother would jump up and say , " There 's your father . He 'll be very tired . You better go to your room . " Anna always went . If her time alone with her mother was over , why stick around ? From behind her closed door at the end of the corridor she could hear their two voices at the other end , speaking a mixture of Russian and English . Although she had come to understand a few household Russian expressions , she could never quite make out what they were saying . After a while she stopped trying . Then one afternoon during her last semester of grade school , she dropped her schoolbooks on the hall table , hung her coat up in the hall closet , and found her father home , apparently not in a good mood . He was standing with her mother in their bedroom and he wasn 't wearing one of the dark suits he reserved for going to work . Her mother gestured and put her finger to her lips - meaning , Anna supposed , that she should go quietly away and leave them alone . But Anna was not in such a good mood herself . She had got B + on her most recent composition for English , unfairly she thought , and wanted to complain about Mrs . Seabury , her eighth grade teacher , who had refused to raise it despite Anna 's best efforts at persuasion . She planted herself in the doorway . " What 's going on ? " she asked . " Why is Daddy home ? " Her father was breathing hard . Suddenly he unbuckled his belt and wrapped one end around one hand . " Lay down on the bed and pull up your dress , " he commanded . Anna stared . Was this really happening ? Neither of her parents had ever even spanked her before . Beating with belts was from stories about poor unloved little children growing up on farms in Europe in the last century . Besides , she wasn 't a little child anymore . She was twelve ! She was nearly as tall as he was ! She tore the belt from her father 's hand and threw it on the double bed . Then she turned and ran to her own room , slamming the door behind her . No steps came after her in the hall . The apartment was very quiet . It was probably safe to hurl herself on her own bed and stare , enraged , at the ceiling . How dare he ? Pull up her dress ? Whip her ? With a belt ? She was never going to forgive him ! After a while her mother tiptoed into her room and sat next to her on the bedspread . " Anna , " she said . " He didn 't mean it . He really didn 't . He 's so sorry . " " You have to understand , Anna , " said her mother . " You 're a big girl now . He just lost his job . The hotel is economizing . Live cocktail and dinner music can be cut . So they cut it . And now we won 't have money coming in any more . " Anna sat up . Her mother had a serious expression on her face . So it was true . Anna tried to imagine what life would be like if her parents couldn 't pay the rent or buy food . " Where will we live ? " she asked . " Will the landlord put us out on the street ? " Why did this have to happen to her now ? " We hope so . He 's certainly going to try . " Anna 's mother stroked her hair . She hadn 't done that for a while . " But he 's very worried . So it wasn 't a good time to make him angry . " Her mother ignored this remark . " But even if he was angry , " she said , " he would never actually hurt you . You 're his daughter , a member of his family . Believe me , that man couldn 't hurt a fly . " Anna 's father did find another job during the next two weeks , although not in New York . What he was offered was in Philadelphia . But it paid extremely well , said Anna 's mother , and might also lead to profitable side engagements playing at society parties and weddings , so they would be able to save money for the next rainy day . Unfortunately , he would be living at the Philadelphia hotel and coming home only every other weekend . Well , they would just have to manage , said her mother . It was a big load off Anna 's mind to learn they would not be put out on the street . She also hoped that once her father had nothing more to worry about , he would tell her he was sorry about the belt . But he didn 't . He went off to Philadelphia without a word about it . He must have forgot . [ My father died at the end of January 1986 , just after his 84th birthday . When he learned he was dying , he began to write a memoir of his early years . He didn 't get as far as he had hoped before he felt too weak to continue . So what I am offering here is all there is . Since English was not his native language , I 've cleaned it up a bit . But not too much . I did try to preserve his locutions , to give you the flavor of his speech . This is the last installment of the typescript . Readers who may have just now stumbled upon these memories of his can find my transcription of the earlier pages in the previous five posts of this blog . I wish there had been more to offer . But after the August 12th , 1984 entry below , he put away what he had written and never came back to it . Perhaps my mother discouraged him . ( " Who will want to read it ? " ) Perhaps he felt too tired and weak to continue what would have been a considerable undertaking . I will never know … . ] By then [ 1909 ] , we had a new helper for Mother : a nice young Russian peasant girl who came to work for the family a couple of years before . Father had an addition built to our living quarters : a kitchen with many cabinets and room for the Russian girl to sleep there . Our own living quarters were expanding as the family was growing up ; there was a piano in the house now , although no one could play it , but just in case Monia needed an accompanist to play his pieces with a piano . I did not start yet on my music lessons . The Russian girl liked me very much and devoted much time to me . She would put me to bed and before I would fall asleep she would tell all kinds of wonderful fairy tales . I loved all her stories and she was telling them very masterfully . Later , I read Anderson 's Fairy Tales , and most of the stories she told me she was repeating word for word . Most likely she had the book and was reading the stories before she was telling them to me , although sometimes I would ask her to tell me again some story that she told me long time ago and which I liked very much ; she would remember everything and the story sounded the same like I heard it the first time . She was not making much money , I guess , but she always was buying me candy and presents , and even once she dressed me up in long pants , which I was very proud to wear because up till then I was always wearing short pants , like all the little boys were wearing . Then she dressed up herself in her best velvet Sunday dress , and both of us went to a photographer to take a photograph together . It must have been very expensive for her ; most likely all of her wages for the month went on this memorable outing . I still remember the photograph : she was standing tall and very erect , holding my hand , and I was standing very close to her , coming up to her waistline . Her name was Masha , or Mashenka . I never knew her last name ; everyone in the family called her Masha . She was always there to help me in every way . When there were guests , or the family stayed up late in the living room where our sleeping couch was , she would put me up in her own bed in the kitchen , and when my couch was available would carry me still sleeping in her arms to the couch and tuck me in for the night . When she told me the stories before I fell asleep , she was holding my hand . She was a plain - looking Russian girl , with typical Slav features , but to me she was the most beautiful person in the world ! When I started to take music lessons on the cello in the music school , the cello was bigger than I in size , and Masha always walked with me to the school , carrying my cello , and waited there till I finished with my lesson , and again walked back home with me again carrying my cello for me . The school was not too far , about 15 minutes walk from our home . Masha stayed with us until I was about 10 years of age . Then , saving up some money for her marriage , she went back to her village to marry someone arranged by her priest and parents . When Masha left , Mother needed another girl to help out . I never knew how did Mother find the girls to come to work for us until , after Masha was gone , Mother took me along one day to go and find another girl . We went to the center of town , where there was a large park . In that park there was an area specially reserved for women who wanted to find a job as houseworkers . There I saw very many women of all ages sitting on the ground and chatting among themselves until a prospective employer would appear . Then they all would spruce up and sit neatly and quietly . Mother would look the younger ones over , would talk to some , ask questions , and finally - when decided on one - would tell her all about the job , salary and other details that the job entailed . If the girl agreed to accept the job , she would give Mother her passport . ( Everyone in Russia had to have a passport , which had to be registered with police in each city or town where the person was to reside or work . ) Mother in turn would give her our address and ask her to come with her belongings next morning . Then , the ritual would be to take the girl to public bath house , and after her bath to dress her in everything fresh and clean and then bring her home to start work ! And so , coming back to the time when I was 7 years of age , my real preparation for entering Gymnasium started , as well as my entrance into music school to study cello . The cello was not my idea of the instrument , but Father 's . He heard a cellist play a solo piece in Odessa and was enchanted with the idea of having another son play the cello , which had such a lovely sound , like human voice ! And this is how the cello became my instrument . I was not very enchanted with the idea . The instrument was very big , bigger than I was in height , and it was very difficult for me to carry it around . It did not have beautiful case like my brother had for his violin . I always had to find an empty corner where to keep the cello , and it was not always easy ! [ Although those are the last words of the typescript , my father also drafted a list , before he began , of the topics he initially intended to cover in his account of his first nineteen years . There are twenty - seven topics in his list , of which the typescript addresses only the first five . The list also stops short of what he promised in the Introduction - the story of his adventures in getting himself out of newly Sovietized Russia and on the way to , as he put it , " U . S . A . " I did hear two of those " adventures " at the dinner table when I was growing up . So I will try your patience next time with a " Postscript " of sorts , in which I tidy up these matters and also set down my thoughts as I typed my way through what you 've just been reading … . ] In the summer of 1937 , Anna and her mother and father went away to a place in the Catskills called Roscoe . It was during the two weeks her father didn 't have to work . Anna was six . There was a big main building with rooms for guests and a dining room where everyone had meals and also a lounge where grownups played cards , checkers and chess , and listened to the radio and talked after dinner . The swimming pool was on the lawn behind the main building ; it had a shallow end for children , and all around it were places to sit and lie in the sun . There were also two much smaller buildings down a slope on the right called Annex A and Annex B ; they had only guest rooms in them . Anna and her parents were in a room in Annex A because it was a little cheaper than the rooms in the main building , which each had a private bathroom . The two Annexes had only one bathroom to a floor . But each room in an Annex had its own little sink for light washing up , so sharing a bathroom wasn 't so bad , said Anna 's mother . If you got tired of swimming and sunning at Roscoe , you could go for a stroll to the village in the late afternoon , when it was cooler . In the village was a little store with a wooden floor where Anna 's mother and father would have iced coffee and buy Anna an ice cream cone . But most of the time they stayed beside the pool , where her mother put lotion on herself so as to tan instead of burn , and chatted a bit with other ladies . Her father didn 't use lotion ; he sat under an umbrella and had lively conversations with other husbands . After Anna came out of the children 's end of the pool , she would spread her towel on the grass to hear what was going on . Usually she settled near her mother , because she didn 't understand what the men talked about , like how President Roosevelt had saved us and the bad things that were going on in Germany . But sometimes she found a shady spot near her father 's chair , and that felt better than getting sweaty in the sun where her mother was , even if she couldn 't follow the conversation . Soon she began to notice that not all the ladies stayed in the sun . When her father was talking , a few of them always moved over to listen . " Your father is such a wonderful raconteur , " said one of these ladies to Anna . " What a lucky little girl you are ! " The guests at Roscoe were all married to each other except for one lady who wasn 't married any more , although once upon a time she had been . Anna was sorry for her at first because she was the only one without a husband , but the other ladies seemed not to like her . They especially disliked the way her bathing suits showed off the tops of her big boobies , which didn 't droop even a little bit . She also wore makeup all the time , even to the pool . And when she walked , her behind wiggled from side to side . Whenever this lady went to sit under a pool umbrella where the men were , the ladies who stayed behind in the sun near Anna 's mother would talk about her - in soft voices , so she wouldn 't hear . A man sitting by the pool said to Anna 's father that nothing was like it used to be and nowadays you sure needed luck to get by . Anna 's father said , " I 've got news for you , mister . You always needed luck . " Then he told a story about coming to America with Anna 's mother . The story took place a long time ago , before Anna was born . Her father and mother were in a big city called Constantinople , in a country called Turkey . They had arrived there on a ship from Russia . Then they needed special papers from the United States in order to get to New York on another ship . But there was a problem . A very powerful third country called England wanted to keep ships from coming in or going out of Constantinople because Constantinople was the only way in or out of Russia by water , and England didn 't like what was happening in Russia . ( What was happening was that it wasn 't Russia any more ; it had recently become the Soviet Union . ) England had many warships , and could do what it wanted , said Anna 's father . So Anna 's father and mother needed to get those papers very fast , before England decided to act . " Anyway , " said Anna 's father , " the United States had an office in Constantinople where doctors gave health inspections to anyone wanting to come to America . If you were healthy you could come , but if even a little something was wrong - then you couldn 't , until you went to another doctor and were treated for whatever was wrong with you . Which of course took time . And money . " " Why was that ? " asked a lady who was listening intently . " If it was just a little something ? " It was the lady with the big boobies , who had no husband . " Well , " said Anna 's father , who seemed not to mind being interrupted . " Those doctors in Constantinople weren 't American doctors , who can fix you up one , two , three . No siree ! They were Turkish doctors . Out for all they could get ! " Anna 's father went on with his story . He and Anna 's mother arrived at the health inspection office early so he could look around . At the front of the nearly empty waiting room he saw a chair and a small writing table that held two saucers filled with colored buttons - red buttons in one , black in the other . Behind the table he also saw several open medical examination rooms . He didn 't know what the buttons were for , but he put a few of each color in his pockets . Soon the waiting room filled up and an official - looking person arrived , carrying a big leather - bound book . This person settled himself at the table with the buttons , took out two rubber stamps and a stamp pad , and began to call names from his big book for the health inspections : man 's name , woman 's name , man 's name , woman 's name . Anna 's father heard his name and then her mother 's . The person at the table motioned Anna 's mother into one of the examination rooms and her father into the other . " As soon as my examination was over - and it was very quick , let me tell you , " said Anna 's father , " the doctor gave me a black button and said I could leave . But when Masha came out of her examination room , she had a red button in her hand ! What did that mean ? Which color meant yes ? Which color meant no ? " Anna 's father paused for dramatic effect . " How could I know ? What I did know was that - red or black - we should stay together . So I took away Masha 's red button and gave her a black one from my pocket . Then we went together to the official with the rubber stamps . He looked at our black buttons and stamped our papers : ' Approved . ' We made it onto the last boat out of Constantinople . " " Masha still had long hair , " explained Anna 's father . " They told her she had lice . Of course she didn 't . It was a scam . I later heard that they said that to every woman with long hair . The treatment by another doctor would then cost fifty dollars , which the two Turkish doctors would split . " On the way back to their room in Annex A , Anna told her mother what she had just heard about the red and black buttons . Suppose her father had guessed wrong ? Would he have come to the United States alone ? Would her mother have had to go back to Russia ? Anna 's father liked to play chess . So did some of the other men at Roscoe . Mostly they played after dinner in the evenings , but one afternoon after lunch ( which you could eat in a bathing suit with just a shirt or robe over it ) , Anna 's father said it was too hot for him by the pool and he was going to look for a chess game in the lounge . Anna 's mother went back to her blanket and towels on the grass where the women she was friendly with usually sat , and Anna jumped back into the pool . But she had drunk a lot of water and lemonade at lunch , and soon she needed to go . What a bother ! It would have been so easy to do it in the pool ; no one could see if you stood in water up to your waist . That was wrong though , Anna 's mother had said , because other people used the pool too , and some of the other children even swallowed the water by accident . So Anna dutifully pulled herself up out of the shallow end , told her mother she was going to the bathroom , and hurried along the path to Annex A . The Annex was dark and still . The maids did the vacuuming and made the beds in the morning ; Anna thought now she might be the only one in the building . She and her parents had one of the two front guest rooms on the second floor . Up the stairs she went , as fast as she could . The bathroom on that floor was at the other end of the hall , between the two back guest rooms . She squeezed her thighs together so as not to have an accident . And then - oh dear ! - the bathroom door wouldn 't open . Nothing . Not a sound . It wasn 't right . Shouldn 't the person inside answer ? At least say , " Just a minute , little girl ? " The door stayed shut . She clutched herself between her legs and looked around for help . Someone . Anyone . That 's when she saw the door of the back guest room on the right was partly open and the lady with big boobies was sitting at a dressing table inside , combing her dark hair in the mirror and keeping her gaze fixed on the reflection in front of her as if Anna didn 't exist . Hadn 't she heard Anna talking to the person in the bathroom ? The lady was wearing nothing but a slip . It was peach - colored and satiny , with creamy open lace at the edges ; you could see the outline of the tips of her big boobies through the satin . Even though the maids had made all the beds in the morning , this lady 's bed was messed up , with the sheets and bedspread thrown back every which way and the pillows tossed around . And even though this lady didn 't have a husband any more , there was something black thrown on a corner of her bed over the tangled sheets that looked like a man 's bathing trunks . They were the kind of black knitted bathing trunks Anna 's father wore . Then Anna knew she shouldn 't wait any longer for the bathroom door to open . She turned , ran downstairs , out of the Annex , up the path towards the main building , and reached the children 's end of the pool just in time . Her mother noticed she was back and sat up on her blanket . " Everything all right ? " she called . |
The woman stood stunned at this transformation and also at the new task she must fulfill or she may die . For three days she thought and thought . She thought of this and she thought of that . But she could not think of something that would be a proper gift for kindness . Not that would be as immediate and appropriate as fair punishment . Her dog overheard her desperate questioning and he said he knew the answer . The woman got excited , thinking here was the answer she could give the fairy and therefore she might not die . The dog wagged its tail happily , in fact it wagged it so much that it knocked over a pretty vase , a cup and saucer , and a rare crystal figurine that the woman 's grandmother had given her . But the woman was so excited and relieved that she did not care . She took the dog 's paws in her hands and said , please , oh please , tell me . The woman was disappointed because she knew this would not work because humans did not like dog treats or ear rubs from nearly strangers . But she did not show it because she did not want to ruin the dog 's happiness . Instead she thanked the dog and gave him a treat and a good rub behind the ears . The gate also overheard her questioning , and it said it knew the answer to what would be a good gift for kindness . Again the woman grew excited that here was the answer she could give the fairy and therefore she might not die . The gate swung back and forth happily at the idea of being helpful and said , " Oil their hinges and give them a good coat of new paint . That is the proper thank you for all things . " The woman was again disappointed because she knew this would not work because humans did not have hinges or need painting . But she did not show it because she did not want to ruin the gate 's happiness . Instead she thanked the gate and sprayed its hinges with WD - 40 and gave it a coat of new paint . Now the geraniums had seen all of this and had seen the woman 's disappointment at each answer because plants are very perceptive creatures . It whispered to the woman , because it also did not want to ruin the dog 's and gate 's happiness by suggesting they were wrong , that it knew the answer to what would be a good gift to those who are kind . Again the woman got excited that here was the answer she could give the fairy and therefore she might not die . The geraniums rustled their leaves and nodded their flowers in happiness of being helpful and said the proper thank you for kindness was to be repotted and watered regularly and have its dead flowers pinched off so it might grow new ones . Again the woman was disappointed because she knew humans do not grow in dirt or have flowers that need pinching . But she was extra careful not to show it , because plants are very perceptive , and she thanked the geraniums and repotted and watered them and everyday she pinched off the dead and dying flowers so it might grow new ones . By the third day the woman still had no answer and was in despair nearly to tears because she knew without an answer she would die . The fairy returned with a pop . The woman trembled and her eyes fulled with tears . The woman shook so much she could barely speak , but she knew to have no answer at all would go worse for her than having the wrong answer and so she said , " I don 't know . It seems to be so very individual . The dog wanted a treat and a rub behind the ears , and the gate wanted oil on its hinges and a new coat of paint , and the geraniums wanted to be repotted and watered and to have is dying flowers pinched . Each had such vastly different answers and all of those are kindnesses in return , but there seems to be nothing one can do to bring about true justice for those who are kind as you did for me . " The woman stopped speaking , even more afraid than before . The fairy said nothing . An idea struck the woman . She remembered the dog wagging his tail in happiness and the gate swinging back and forth and the geraniums rustling their leaves and nodding their flowers . " Perhaps the reward for kindness is already there . Kindness brings a happiness all its own . " Suddenly a fit of anger and petulance struck the woman at the unfairness of it all . She grew reckless and stomped her foot because that was a silly answer . An even worse answer than giving treats and ear rubs or oil and paint or dirt and water . It was the silliest answer of them all and she hated it . " I don 't like this answer , " the woman said . " Not one bit . I want justice . If it hadn 't been for you there would have been no justice for me . The boys would have continued splashing people in their car , the other woman at work would be celebrating her promotion , and the gunman , even caught , would feel nothing and I would be dead . But for you , nothing would have harmed the wicked or helped the kind . If not for you , it would just be unfair and stay that way . " The woman was now so angry she could not stop and she stomped again . " I hate it . I wish it were different . I want karma . I want good things to happen to the good and bad things to happen to the bad . I want everything to turn out right . I want a promise that everything will turn out right and everyone will get their just desserts . " But the fairy was not angry . Instead she looked very sad . After a moment she said , " I do to . That is why , when I saw your future , I decided to help you . " And with that the fairy disassembled and again became the fly . She flew off and the woman never saw her again . But from then on the woman knew the true , though unfair , secret of happiness and , except for moments of frustration at the unfairness of the world , truly did live happily ever after . The end of my very first fairy tale ! Thank you all for reading it and I hope you enjoyed it . I 'm going to take a few days off from the fantastic , not to mention I have updates on my gothic blog to make . I will return with a new story for you on Thursday . See you then ! ! < 3 < 3 < 3 Fortunately , although the woman did not know this , her dumbstruck mind skipped over the " Thank You " that would have been expected in common polite society , and instead realized that what should do was to offer her guest refreshments . " Would you like some coffee ? " she asked . " I have some Diet Cola in the refrigerator , but I don 't know how much carbination it has . . . . " The woman trailed off , seeing nothing in the reaction of the fairy at all . The woman took a deep breath and let the fountain of gratitude finally release . " I owe you everything . My job . My life . " The woman would have continued but the fairy said , " Fair payment for what i owed you . Now we are even . What did you think of the justice meted out to the malicious ? " " It was fun to see , " the woman said . And then she thought a moment . The boys who splashed water . That punishment had been perfect . That they were doused instead and the small damage to the car seemed to perfectly fit the crime . Then there was the office . Again , justice was meted out , and seemingly to the right people . Or was it ? At the second presentation it had seemed that the entire office looked guilty . As if they were all in on the scheme to get rid of her . And at the time she was angry enough to want them all fired . She 'd even determined to do that on Monday morning . But now that anger had somehow blown away with the next events and she held no anger at them anymore . The punishments for her boss and her boss 's boss were fair . Anyone boss involved in such a thing should be fired . But she couldn 't help but feel for him . He was near retirement age , but had recently acquired a young wife and new baby to care for . He had a big house that he could barely make payments on when he was working . He had a new expensive car . The woman suddenly could feel his insecurity . Why he felt he needed all of these things . Why he would wish to promote someone he could keep as a strand in his web , catching and sticking to his words and policies . The woman knew she would work hard , but would also follow her conscience above all . She saw why he could not promote her , and a small part of her , very small , just a sliver of a sliver , felt sorry for him . She did not know where this part came from . This sliver of a sliver . But she thought it must have been from the past three days . The gunman , who had tried to kill her and her friends she could not fathom . Except that there would be people who loved him and would be shocked at this . That he had been a swaddled baby once and then a little boy who brought home painting and drawings from school . Yes , it was justice and she would not condemn what had saved her life . But she couldn 't cheer it or feel happy for it either . The fairy nodded quietly . " This is true , " she said . And it was neither a complement nor a condemnation . Neither good nor bad . It was a statement that let the woman know the fairy now though of her as more than a human . That the fairy considered her wise . " Yes , it does , doesn 't it ? " The fairy frowned . Then she stomped her foot , suddenly angry . " You ask far too many questions , human . I don 't have an answer for you . Why should I have ? I 'm not a philosopheress . " The woman took a step back , confused by this sudden change in demeanor of the fairy . " I did meet your kindness with justice . And more ! You saved my life . I saved your life , your job , and your clothes . What more do you want ? Justice for all the kind ? Justice for all the evil ? I just told you I spent quite a lot of energy to do what I did for you . Since that is not enough , you tell me what justice should be given to the kind . I 'll return in 3 days for your answer and if it seems you do not have one , then it shall be as if you 'd never seen me . " The woman started to protest , saying she hadn 't meant it in such a mean way . That she was just . . . but it was no use . The fairy didn 't even bother to change form . There was a small pop , and she was gone . The third day was a weekend and passed quietly away . She worked in her garden . She scrubbed her floors . She watched television . And it seemed that nothing bad could happen to her that day . Then a friend called and invited her out . Some of them were going to a local place and having food and beer and did she want to come out . She considered this seriously for some minutes , wondering if she could avoid the danger the fairy had foretold . Would it come to her if she went out ? Or would it come to her if she stayed in ? So far the fairy had been correct in her prediction , and the woman feared what would come next . She had a foreboding feeling in her stomach that said this time there would be the worst of trouble . She looked at the clock and saw there were 3 hours left until midnight , when the day would be over and she would be safe . She thought of her options . The first to remain home and jumping at every shadow , watching the clock , and fearing for her life . Or the second , to go with friends where she would have warmth and support and the comfort of company and laughter . Not to mention she had yet to celebrate her new promotion . She even had yet to tell anyone of it . She agreed to go out and said she would meet her friends at the restaurant . It was the sort of night that only comes once or twice a year . The moon was down and the stars shone brightly . Meteors fell from the sky leaving sparkling trails like rockets . The air had that indescribable smell of freshness that only comes in spring , and the night was warm enough to be comfortable and cool enough to refresh . The woman walked along , trying to enjoy the perfect evening , but she found it hard . She looked around every corner and eyed every person she passed , wondering if this was the danger that would come . She hurried along , as if something unknown were chasing her , going somewhere between a walk and a run until she saw the light of the restaurant and her friends in a group , talking in the light from the outside sign . She ran to them then , feeling safer in the group and they laughed that she was out of shape because she was breathing hard , not knowing she had nearly run the entire way . They went inside . The little place had only a few tables crammed inside a little space and their group was large enough they took up two . Their waitress was the owner 's granddaughter , who had only just turned 18 and was still learning to get used to the wider , womanly hips that seemed to have suddenly appeared on her . She had been born here , and knew three languages , English , the native tongue of her family , and Dutch because she had just come back from being an exchange student in Holland . She was working in the restaurant for the summer and looking forward to starting college in the fall . The owner came out of the kitchen to greet them and admonish them and give them grief for being such children and she should tell each of their mothers that they were out so late and they all groaned and laughed . The grandmother had never learned English and so remained in the kitchen as the other family waited tables . She knew everyone and always had a piece of candy or two in her purse to sneak to little ones in church . Everyone in their group had gotten a candy from her more than a dozen times growing up . The woman looked around for any sort of trouble , but only saw the comforting walls and posters . The usual music playing . The people she had always known . They ordered their food and beer and ate and laughed , staying after the official closing because the grandmother had accounts to do and since she was up , she let them . The woman began to relax and feel safe . She looked up at the clock and realized they 'd been there for hours and it was now 10 minutes to midnight . Her friends got up and said it was time to leave and a sudden fear struck her . Outside suddenly no longer seem fresh and beautiful but like a dark and dangerous place . An open place where she would be alone and anything might come up from all sides . No , she begged them . Not yet . One more beer . They hadn 't yet celebrated her promotion . At the mention of the promotion everyone clamored to hear more since she hadn 't said a word about it . They all sat down and someone called to the grandmother to come hear , that she had gotten a big promotion . The woman glanced up at the clock . Seven minutes to midnight . She began to tell her story , beginning with explaining the important presentation . But she kept her eye on the clock . Five minutes to midnight . 4 minutes to midnight . 3 . 2 . The door broke open with a crash . Some screamed . Some ducked . A man wearing all black and carrying a gun stepped inside . He had greasy blond hair and cold gray eyes . He spoke and said some things that are horrible to say and will not be repeated here . He blamed them all for all his troubles , even though not a one of them had ever seen him or met him before . He yelled at them obscenities and abuse and finally said , " If you won 't go back to your own goddam country I 'll get rid of every one of you . " And with that he started shooting . He shot towards the little granddaughter who had been too frightened to even move . The bullet missed her and sank into the wall . He shot at the group of friends who minutes before had been breathlessly hearing about good news and only succeeded at hitting the floor . He stepped closer and shot at one of the woman 's friends . This time he hit and her friend collapsed with a sad groan and began to bleed on the floor but he was not dead . The man stepped closer with full intent to finish his murder . The woman instinctively flung herself between the gunman and her friend , wishing to shield him from further harm . The man held the gun steady and for a moment she looked straight into the barrel of the gun and she could never be sure but she thought she saw something in there , where her eyes shouldn 't have been able to see anything at all . Her eyes went to the clock , just above the gunman 's shoulder and saw the second hand tick . 15 seconds to midnight . 14 . 13 . The man aimed right between her eyes and pulled the trigger . No one ever could figure out how it happened . Even the gun experts were stunned , saying they 'd never heard of anything like it . When the gunman pulled the trigger , the gun exploded into a million billion pieces . It blew off the man 's hand and burned his face and neck . It seared his eyes , blinding him , and bits of metal lodged themselves in places where doctors could not take them out . The man spent the remainder of his days blind and in pain . The friend was fine . The bullet had gone cleanly through , barely scraping a bone . Many years later he would show the scar to his grandchildren and tell them how he was saved by the grace of god and the miracle that no one was hurt but the man pulling the trigger . The scar was big and round enough to be impressive and yet small enough to never be a bother and when he died the incident was even in his obituary , telling how he was the one who had been shot that night . After the police and the ambulance had come and statements were taken and events gone over and everyone had mostly stopped quaking and holding hands , the woman went back to her ordinary home . There she found her ordinary dog dancing about , desperate to go out for a walk . She hurried , letting him out into the yard to relieve himself . Then she called him back . She was still too scared to take him for a walk . But the dog wouldn 't come back . Instead he started to bark joyfully and spin in circles as if he were seeing a long lost friend again . The woman called him inside and this time he came , trotting along as a large cricket hopped beside him . She opened the door and the dog went in , happy and expecting his treat , as was the nightly custom . But the woman wasn 't going in and heading to kitchen to get the treat . She was still standing at the door , holding it open for the cricket . " Won 't you come in ? " she asked . And in two hops , the cricket came inside . The next day began as any other . The woman got up , went to work , and started to do her job . She was excited , because she had to give a big presentation for the president of the company that day and she greatly wanted to impress him . She began to prepare for this when she noticed her presentation was missing . She looked everywhere , but could not find it . She asked her co - workers and they all pleaded ignorance . But the woman knew who had taken her work . It was another woman , also vying for promotion and giving a presentation that afternoon . But the woman had no proof of this and even if she had , there was little she could do with it . The other woman had worked with the company for a long time and she was great friends with boss and their boss 's boss . When the woman had gone to them with complaints of sabotage before they simply told her to stop telling lies to get ahead and " playing the race card " and sent her about her work with a warning . So the woman despaired , but refusing to give up completely , spent the morning trying to piece together in half a day what had been months of work and preparation . When the others went to lunch she continued to work , and by the time the presentation was to begin , she had cobbled together a sad and ugly version of what her beautiful presentation had been . The woman knew she had no hope , but she would not give up and show up with nothing but excuses . She would soldier on . The presentation went off as badly as expected . She came off looking horribly stupid and ill - prepared in front of everyone , especially to the president of the company , whom she had barely met before and she knew this was a terrible first impression of her and her work . The president of the company frowned while the other woman and her boss and her boss 's boss all looked satisfied and smug . Later that afternoon her boss called her . He looked very stern . He brought her to his boss 's office where his boss looked very stern . The president of the company was there and he also looked very stern . The woman looked from one man to the other and knew she was going to be fired . The president very gravely asked for her explanation . She again told her story . When he asked her where it could have gone she had no answer . She did not want to accuse anyone innocent , and while she suspected the guilty , she would not want to be the cause of any innocent person 's distress . And so she simply said that she didn 't know . When she had no answer the president said he respected that she would not accuse others for her own guilt , but that her boss and her boss 's boss had been telling him that her work was subpar and ill prepared and had been for some time now . The president said it was clear she was not prepared , and he couldn 't afford dead weight in the company . She could consider herself terminated . The woman tried not to cry . Despite her coworkers , she had always loved her job and worked diligently and hard . And now she was being fired through no fault of her own . She stood in the office and stared dumbly at the president of the company , wanting to say something , but not knowing what . The president became uncomfortable under her wide , hurt gaze and said , " You can go now . " Now the president of the company was very fond of butterflies . His mother had been a scientist who studied them and his earliest memory was being where the monarchs wintered in the south and watching them fly about them by hte hundreds and thousands , surrounding him in their black and gold and he looked up and saw a sky so blue between the thousands of wings that it nearly made him cry . But of all the thousands of butterflies he had ever seen , this was the largest and most beautiful and he felt a need to get closer to look at it . He stood up , awed , and rather than frightening it , the butterfly stayed on the poster board , slowly flapping its wings as though it were preening under the attention . The president of the company was too focused on the butterfly to see it , but the woman 's boss and her boss 's boss blanched the color of day old oatmeal because they knew the very poster board the butterfly had landed on was the stolen presentation of the woman . They held their breaths and hoped the butterfly would fly away . " What does this mean ? " he asked . And though her boss and her boss 's boss stammered and protested ignorance , their guilty faces gave them away . The president now called all the office back into the conference room and told the woman to give her real presentation . It was the best work anyone had ever seen . The graphics were beautiful , the information thorough , but never boring , and her delivery calm and clear . The president was immediately impressed . He looked around the room at the various pale and sweating faces and knew why the woman 's work had suddenly gone missing that morning . He promoted the woman on the spot and fired her boss 's boss . Her boss he demoted down to her former position for being a part of the collusion and sabotage of a fine employee and for lying about her work . From then on the woman 's career was as stellar as her work . The company grew and she became vice president and then president after the current president retired . All her employees loved her as the best boss they 'd ever had and the president never regretted the day he promoted her , nor forgot that he had nearly fired her because of a wicked plot , except for a butterfly that flew into the room . He filled his garden with milkweed , the food of monarch butterflies , so they would always have a place to fly to . As for the other woman , without the support and patronage of those higher up than her , her slipshod work was clearly seen . She ended her career in a dead end middle management position , until , on her retirement , it became clear that she had defrauded the company for thousands of dollars . She died in jail . From her little cubical she could not see the rain that fell all that day , but she could hear the drops on the roof and she knew her walk home would be wet and cold . Especially since she had forgotten her umbrella . But by the time she was ready to leave the rain had stopped and the sun was beginning to see if it wanted to come out again that day or just remain tucked away behind the clouds . The streets were very dirty and they were not well drained and so there were many puddles near the curb . Sometimes passing cars would run through them and may a big splash on the sidewalk next to it . Some sections of the sidewalk were nearly dry and some were still very wet because of this . But the road was wide and it was simple for drivers to avoid the puddles unless they wanted to see the splash . The rusted out Toyota was filled with boys who wanted to see the splash . They were three brothers just out from school and enjoying the freedom of the eldest now having a license . They were not going anywhere in particular except to find the roads with especially big puddles , call out scores based on how big the splash , and declare extra points for dousing pedestrians . The car hit the puddle perfectly . A tidal wave of muddy water rose into the air , so high it arced over the woman 's head . She had just enough time to look up and see the underside of the wave before it came crashing down . The boys got out , shaking water from their clothes and barking swear words at each other , wondering what had just happened . The woman laughed and went home completely dry and warm . The boys went home as well , cold , wet , and angry at each other because they didn 't understand how to be angry with themselves . I will try in the future to make the posts long enough that they are only about 2 or 3 parts , not much waiting for the next bit . But at the moment I am writing in bits and snatches as I finish my finals for school , so this one might take until Saturday . I 'm not entirely sure what would be easiest for the readers , so if you have ideas on how you 'd like this structured , how many posts for a story , and so forth , let me know in the comments . Thank you . One morning , as she weeded her garden before work , she saw a beautiful spiderweb strung between two delphinium with a beautiful spider the shape of a diamond with black and yellow stripes . She was not afraid of spiders and in fact loved them in her garden where they killed the mosquitoes and pests . She was a very practical sort of woman and found that spiders generally left one alone and did their job well . But this spider was quite dead . She gently touched it to be sure and the spider did not move . Dead . But the web still shook because a fly had gotten caught in the sticky threads and was struggling mightily to get free . Now the woman did not like flies any more than anyone else likes them . But as she watched the fly she began to feel sorry for it . Had the spider been alive it would have been simply an act of nature . But the spider was dead , leaving the fly to struggle until it died of exhaustion . It was an impractical thing to do , but something in the woman 's heart moved and it seemed a terrible way to die , even for a fly . So she reached down and carefully pulled the fly from the sticky threads . The fly sat on her hand for a moment as though relieved and catching its breath . The woman thought herself silly for imagining a fly feeling relieved and catching its breath . And yet , this fly certainly seemed to be doing so . She let the fly rest on her hand , though she had a practical urge to slap it and squash it dead . Had she seen it in her house she would have gotten her flyswatter . But she let the fly be , since she had saved it , it seemed a waste to now kill it . And then the most extraordinary thing happened . The fly began to tremble all over , shaking as if it had a fever . Then it began to shake apart , pieces flying off . The pieces grew larger and reassembled and when it stopped moving there stood before the woman a small , dark woman , only about a foot tall . She was dressed in black with black hair that hung like ropes down her back . Her skin was so dark a brown the whites of her eyes seemed to shine . Her dress shimmered , like the iridescent scales of a fly 's body . And yet , despite the blackness of her dress , she seemed to shine as though a light was within her . The fairy ( for what else could she be ? ) reached out her hand and took the woman 's hand in hers and said , " I owe you much for your kindness . Without you I would surly have died in that web . As my thank you for your kindness , accept my gift . Three times in the next three days , someone will try to harm you , in ways big and small . But these evildoers will not succeed for you are under my protection . There will be justice to the evildoers and not a hair on your head will be harmed . " The woman was truly shocked and wondered two things . The first was if all flies were truly fairies in disguise and she had been killing them all along . And the second , more worrisome thought was that someone would try to harm her three times in the next three days . She couldn 't think of anyone who would bear any sort of grudge against her . |
Believing that God exists is only the beginning ; even the demons believe that much ( James 2 : 19 - 20 ) . God will not settle for mere acknowledgment of His existence . He wants a personal , dynamic , relationship with you that will transform your life . Those who seek God will find that they are rewarded with His intimate presence . God assures us that all who honestly seek Him - who act in faith on the knowledge of God that they possess will be rewarded . When you tell others the gospel , encourage them to be honest and diligent in their search for truth . Those who hear the gospel are responsible for what they have heard . His Word is the lamp to our feet and a light to our feet . ( Psalm 119 : 105 ) . He lights our way to righteousness . When we obey His commandments and statutes , we are guaranteed a life of eternity with Him . Do not quench the Spirit ( 1 Thessalonians 5 : 19 ) . The Holy Spirit guides us with a silent voice that only God tells Him to tell us . If we don 't listen to His voice - we will not make it far on our own . When a verse strikes your heart or perks your ears is a way that He talks to us . That is why His Word is so important to read every day - so we may have His guidance . It is His way of leading us through our life 's journey as we sojourn in this temporary world of ours . Our permanent residence is Heaven - if we choose Jesus as our Personal Savior during this life - our only life that we will ever have . We do not come back after we die , like some false religions say . We will be in the presence of the Lord of our life either in Heaven or hell . It is our choice our choice where we go for eternity . When we choose Jesus as Lord of our life , Heaven is our promised land . There definitely is a hell for people who deny Christ throughout their lifetime and they are a fool who say there is no God . Buddah and Mohammad are not God . There is only one God - the creator of the world and universe and everyone and everything in it . He is the Alpha and Omega - the First and the Last . The one omnipotent , omnipresent and omniscient Almighty God . He is sovereign over all . His Word is the last word that we should listen and hear and obey . There are some people out there - extremists who say they kill in the name of God ( Allah ) and they are wrong . God is all good and everything sacred and holy . He commands us not to murder and when things don 't coincide with the Bible - then they are wrong and downright evil . Follow Jesus and be sure where you are going after death . Accept Jesus Christ as the Lord of your life and Personal Savior . Then follow his lead and imitate Him . The world would be such an ideal place if God had his own way . Posted on November 22 , 2014 by Susan Allen under Uncategorized I really enjoyed this article . The research is remarkable and I just had to share it and reblog it because there is so much information here - I want to study it more . I thought it was interesting enough to have on my blog to share with my readers . I hope you enjoy looking this over too . Check it out - it is very interesting and informative . Thank you " Humanity777 " for your blog . Posted on October 22 , 2014 by Susan Allen under Uncategorized This is an excellent article . I agree with a lot of the points Stephen expressed . It will help others realize Christianity doesn 't buy us an easy road to prosperity . I liked this article enough to reblog it on my site . I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did . My recent piece was featured on Sojourners , and as of a few days ago it was their most popular web piece of all time ! It garnered lots of interesting discussion . What do you think ? Jesus told her , " I am the resurrection and the life . Anyone who believes in me will live , even after dying . Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die . Do you believe this , Martha ? " ( John 11 : 25 - 26 ) " That 's bull . " Jason thought . But then , when the preacher stopped and those closest to him turned to look in his direction , he realized that he had done more than think it . So he said it a bit louder and more clearly . " That 's bull . Carlie believed and she still looks dead to me . " " No preacher , keep your false sympathy and your empty platitudes to yourself . It 's all bull . Believing in Jesus didn 't raise Carlie up . It didn 't protect her . Believing in Jesus … It was the Fourth of July and Andrea 's neighbor Candy was having a cookout . She invited about ten people . Andrea was helping her set up the picnic table and chairs . " It is a gorgeous day . It is supposed to go up to 80 degrees today . With the nice breeze we have , it will not be too hot . What time is everybody supposed to be here ? " Candy was cleaning off the grill . " I told everyone to come around 1 : 00 this afternoon . " It was 11 : 30 and everything was just about set up . The soda and the beer were on ice in the coolers . The hamburgers were made into patties and the hot dogs were on a plate in the refrigerator . Five different salads were prepared : toss salad , coleslaw , macaroni and potato salad and the three - bean salad . There also was watermelon cooling in the refrigerator . Andrea said , " I made the baked beans last night . All the condiments are ready to put on the table . " The food was going to be set up buffet style on the picnic table . " We will bring the food out after everyone is here . Thank you so much for helping . " Candy looked at Andrea and broke the news . " Oh , Andrea , by the way , Sam is bringing his friend for you to meet . " " Yes , but remember I have a four year old son . Not many guys want to be strapped down with a ready - made family . Here I am , twenty - six years old and still living with my parents . " " There is nothing wrong with that . You are saving your money to get a place of your own , " Candy reassured Andrea . " I think you are smart for doing that . " Andrea was curious . " What is his name and how old is he ? " Andrea smiled and said , " Well , he won 't hang out with me for long after he finds out about David . " Candy surprised Andrea when she said , " Sam already told Alan about you and your son . He did not have a problem with that . " With apprehension Andrea said , " Okay , I agree to meet him . " " Great ! They 'll be here in about half an hour . Sam and I thought it would be better if you meet him before the others showed up . " " Thank you , that was thoughtful , but you sure waited until the last minute to tell me . " " Well , I didn 't think you would come if you knew ahead of time . " " Okay , you win . Everything is ready . " Andrea was so nervous to meet a new guy . " Candy , I 'm going home for a minute , I 'll be back . " Chapter 2 Candy had to change her clothes and fix her hair . Andrea walked across the road to her parent 's red brick , ranch style , and three - bedroom home . She loved growing up in this house . " Mom , " Andrea called through the hallway , " Candy is going to introduce me to her boyfriend 's buddy at the cook out . " " Good for you Andrea . Are you going to bring David over with you ? He is out back with Grandpa . " " Not right away . I want to meet Alan first . Then I 'll bring him over when it is time to eat . " Andrea was getting nervous again . Andrea went into her bedroom to find something nice to wear . She looked through all her short outfits . Nothing seemed to look right . She finally picked out a blue and white flowered sundress and a cute pair of white sandals . She touched up her make - up and took her straight long brown hair down from a ponytail , brushed it really quick and decided to leave it down instead of putting back up . " Okay , thanks Mom . " Now Andrea 's stomach was really nervous and it was doing flip - flops . She took a deep breath and walked to the front door . Andrea looked out the screen to try to get a glimpse of Alan . Candy saw her and waved her over . As Andrea walked across the road everyone was smiling at her . She looked at Alan and smiled at him . Andrea 's first impression that she had of him was how handsome he was - tall , dark tan , dirty blonde , short hair . He had long blue jean shorts and a red polo shirt on . Candy introduced Andrea to Alan . They smiled at each other and shook hands . She started to relax . Sam was the first to break the ice by asking Alan if he wanted a beer . Candy brought each one of them a beer . Andrea does not usually like beer but she thought she might as well have one to relax . There was a lot of small talk . Then people started arriving . Candy and Andrea put all the food on the table , except the hamburgers and hot dogs . We put them on a plate near the grill . Alan went over to Andrea 's parents ' house with her to bring David to the cookout . Alan wanted to meet Andrea 's parents . They seemed to like him . Most of all David and Alan took no time at all to connect . David had all the food he could eat and he had a soda . After he ate his watermelon Alan and David started playing kick ball . David got tired and Andrea took him home and put him down for a little nap . Everyone left around 5 : 00 . There was a lot of soda left so Andrea grabbed a Coke , Alan grabbed a Mountain Dew , Candy and Sam picked the last of the beer . Candy and Andrea cleaned up while the guys relaxed in the living room . By the time they were done , Sam and Alan were sleeping . Candy and Andrea laughed out loudly and it woke them up . Candy and Sam sat on the couch and Alan and Andrea sat on the two comfortable chairs . All four of them enjoyed each other 's company for a long time . Then they decided to go to the field day fair and watch the fireworks . It was after David 's bedtime , so he did not get to go . They played games for a while . Alan and Sam won a stuffed animal for each of them . Alan won Andrea a stuffed dog and Sam won Candy a stuffed teddy bear . They had fun . The four of them went on the Ferris wheel . Candy and Sam went ahead of Andrea and Alan . So they got to watch them kiss . Alan and she smiled at each other and held hands . Alan asked Andrea if she would like to go on a date sometime . She told him that she would like to see him again . The fireworks were beautiful , all the brilliant greens and blues and pinks and sizzlers , and the booms were loud . By the time Sam drove us back to Candy 's it was midnight . Andrea gave Alan her phone number . She thanked Sam for introducing them . She thanked Alan for a fun day and that it was nice meeting him . He said the same . Then the guys left . " Thank you Candy , for a wonderful day . I like Alan . I hope that he calls me . Well , it is late , good - night . " She walked home . Her parents and David were sound asleep . Andrea fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow . The next morning David came in her room and jumped on the bed . " Mommy , I liked Alan . He was so nice to me . He even played kickball with me . " " Yes , he was very nice , David . He sure liked you a lot . " " Will we get to see Alan again , Mommy ? " " We will see David . I gave him our phone number so we will see if he calls . " Three weeks later Alan finally called . He said he was not sure if he was ready to date . He had just broken up two months ago with his girlfriend . He had been dating her for three years . After that they saw each other just about every day after work and all weekends . They did a lot with David . They all went to the beach and parks , drive - in movies , and amusement parks . They had a lot of great times . David was getting very attached to Alan . Alan seemed to be very fond of David , too . Chapter 5 After Alan and Andrea dated for six months she told him that she thought she was falling in love with him . It took him a little longer . He said , " I do not want to ever get married . " Alan said , " Maybe we should stop seeing each other . I do not want to hurt you . I don 't know if I can love anyone right now . I thought I was in love with my ex - girlfriend , but she started seeing another fellow and she broke it off . I do not want to be hurt either . " " That is the risk everyone takes . Why don 't we take it slowly ? I will not say I love you again . I did not know I would get this reaction . I thought you had feelings for me . " " I do a lot , and it scares me . " They were in the middle of a hiking trail . " Alan , I would like to go back to the car so you can take me home . " Andrea was on the verge of crying . It took about twenty minutes to get to the car . It was a very long , quiet , and tense walk back to the car . Andrea was upset that they couldn 't finish the trail because at the end of the trail was a beautiful , rushing waterfall . Andrea loved waterfalls and was looking forward to seeing this one . He took her home . It was a very long hour ride . At least the scenery was nice . They just listened to the radio . When they got to her house , he reached for her hand and said , " I did not want to hurt you , Andrea . I hope you can forgive me for ruining our time together . I 'll call you . It will probably be a couple weeks . I care about you , Andrea . " Andrea went over to Candy 's house and told her what happened . " Andrea , don 't take it to heart . He needs time to get over his ex - girlfriend . He is still hurting . Give him time . " " Candy , I was so wrong to tell him I was falling in love with him . But I am . I didn 't mean to fall so fast and hard . He told me he never wants to get married . Maybe I should not see him anymore . I do not know what to do . " " Thanks Candy . I have got to go home and take a shower . I amgoing to do something fun with David . I will not tell him Alan might not call again . " He finally called a month later . " Andrea , I 've thought about a lot of things and I realized how much I care about you . Would you mind if I drove over ? " Andrea walked out into the living room . " Hi , Alan it is so good to see you . " David came running out of his bedroom . " Alan , you came back ! " " Hi Buddy ! It 's good to see you . I missed you . " They went to the ice cream place near the small lake , then to the park . David and Alan played ball while Andrea sat there thinking about her and Alan . Will we get serious now or will he just leave again if it starts getting serious again ? I better go easy and slow . I do not want to scare him off again . Oh , never mind just go with the flow . " I am so glad to see you , I missed you very much . Do you still want to see me steadily ? Have you forgiven me , Andrea ? " They dated for five years . David was nine years old . Alan and Andrea were deeply in love . Andrea accidentally became pregnant . They were so careful . She didn 't understand what had happened . All through the years they dated , Alan would say , " I will never get married . " She would always laugh because she thought he was kidding and would outgrow it . So when she got pregnant he told her he wanted to do the right thing and marry her . Andrea was so surprised , and of course she said , " Yes . " They got married on the Fourth of July because it landed on a Saturday . They had met on the Fourth of July . Neither of them went to church so they didn 't know a pastor to marry them . They got married by a Justice of the Peace . Their parents , brothers and sister and David were there , plus Tom , Alan 's friend who took the pictures . It was at a nice restaurant in the privacy of the upstairs banquet room . They also had their little reception there . Everyone drank to a toast , except David and Andrea . No one knew that she was three months pregnant . Alan and Andrea didn 't have a honeymoon . They had found an apartment the month before they were married . Alan lived there until their wedding . David and Andrea moved in with him after . Her Mom and Dad took David for the weekend . She was happy to be married . Alan was so good with David . He was a happy little boy . He joined a summer baseball team . They went to watch all his practices and games . So did Andrea 's Dad . He missed seeing David every day . He was so used to having David living with him . Andrew Alexander was born on January 5th . He was such a good - natured baby . Everyone loved him so much . Alan 's Mom got really attached to him . They lived about five minutes away from Alan 's parents . Her Mom and Dad lived about forty - five minutes away . They came as often as they could . Dad was always holding him when they came . He loved his grandsons , David and Andrew . My mom was always taking Andrew away from Dad . It was so cute to watch them fight over him . They saw him about once a week . David loved Andrew . He loved having a baby brother . He would sleep with him in the playpen . Andrew loved him , too . He would smile whenever he saw David . David could not get enough of him . They were hardly apart . Andrea got so many pictures of them together . Chapter 9 On May 10th Andrea got a phone call at work from a State Trooper . He asked her to meet him at the hospital . He said he had already called her husband . Andrea thought , " Oh no , I hope Andrew didn 't get mauled by the babysitter 's big dog . " She was so upset she could hardly breathe . Andrea arrived at the hospital first and the State Trooper met her at the emergency entrance door . Andrea asked to see Andrew , but he said , " Not until your husband arrives . " She was extra upset now . When Alan finally got there ten minutes later , the State Trooper brought them into a small room and told them that Andrew was dead . " He died at the babysitter 's home . The babysitter put him down for a nap . Twenty minutes later she went to check on him . He was face down on the waterbed . She went to pick him up and he was not breathing . " Then the State Trooper started to interrogate them , asking if they had shaken him or thrown him or bumped his head . Of course , Andrea said , " No " and Alan said , " No , why are you asking us these questions . " It was so upsetting . It sure was not the right time for the questioning . The State Trooper took them in to see Andrew Alexander . It was the worst thing they ever went through . Andrea went hysterical and went to hug and pick Andrew up . All Alan could do was stare straight at him . Andrea thought that Alan was in shock . She knew she was . She went to hold Alan and he walked away from her . They drove their separate cars home . She didn 't even remember driving . When they got home she regretfully called her Mom and Dad , then his parents . David was at Alan 's parents ' home . Alan 's Mom picked David up after school every day until they were home from work . Alan 's parents arrived with David first . Right away David asked where Andrew was . Alan and she just stared at his parents and started crying . David went over and hugged Andrea and she told him Andrew was in heaven now . It was pouring outside and David said , " Look Mommy , God is crying , too . " Everyone was crying when Andrea 's parents arrived . Then they told them about Andrew . They could not believe that that beautiful , vibrant baby was dead . He was too alive to think of him any other way . They held each other then went over to Andrea and hugged each other and cried . Later that evening Andrea called the babysitter and asked her to come over to their apartment . The babysitter , Barbara , explained what happened . They all started to cry and Barbara and Andrea hugged each other . She said she wasn 't going to continue babysitting the other children . She was watching five other children at her home as a day care . Alan thought that was a good idea for her not to baby sit again . He didn 't think she should be around children again . He was so upset . Barbara wanted to be helpful so she said she knew someone who could do the funeral . She knew Andrea and Alan didn 't go to church . " I have a wonderful Pastor at the Christian church I go to . Here is Pastor Brown 's number . Call him ; he will be pleased to meet with you . Andrea called Pastor Brown the next day because she had no one else . She told him how they never had Andrew Alexander baptized . Pastor Brown said that it was okay because Andrew Alexander was with Jesus . Andrea was relieved , then surprised . " When I was a little girl I remember the Priest saying that babies had to be baptized or they wouldn 't go to heaven because it was a Holy Sacrament . " Pastor Brown reassured her that Andrew Alexander was in a better place now , and in the presence of the Lord . I told him I hadn 't been to a church for over fifteen years . He said it was all right and they asked her if she wanted to know more about Jesus . She said , " Yes , after the funeral is over , sometime next week . " They had Andrew cremated . Alan wanted the ashes to remain in their home after the funeral , until they found the perfect place to release them . Andrew 's ashes were placed in a beautiful black marble box . Alan 's Dad paid for it . The funeral was comforting . Pastor Brown said how Andrew 's soul was with Jesus in heaven now . He wasn 't of age to be accountable for anything . He did not need to be baptized . He said God knows where his body was , no matter if it was in ashes . The only people at the funeral were David , my parents , Alan 's parents and his brother , Andrea 's brother and sister - in - law , and Andrea 's favorite Aunt and Uncle . They were going to Aunt Peggy and Uncle Ernie 's home afterward . That is where their relatives would meet with them . Pastor Brown would come , too . Andrea and Pastor Brown made an appointment to get together the following week to talk about Jesus . Andrea was ready to learn about Jesus . She knew about Him , but never knew him as a personal Savior . She knew God was His Father . Andrea met with Pastor Brown . He told her how to invite Jesus into her life so He could be her Personal Savior . It took Andrea two weeks to come to the decision of asking Jesus to become Lord of her life . David and Andrea started going to church every Sunday after that . Alan did not want anything to do with church . Andrea could not make him . She did not know why he was so adamant . Then Andrea was baptized in June . People at church watched while she made her public confession of making Jesus the Lord of her life . She felt so new . Alan did not care about her baptism and never acknowledged it . Alan kept growing farther away from her . He started going to the bars more often by himself . She used to go with him before she was baptized , not often , but once in awhile . Andrea waited up for him . Sometimes he wouldn 't get home until 2 : 00 a . m . She needed him so much to ease her pain . Andrea started praying every night - something she hadn 't done since she was a little girl . Jesus became real to her and she started talking to the Lord in her mind most of the day . She needed His strength to get her through minute by minute . Andrea did not go to work for a month . She took a leave of absence . Her boss was so understandable that she needed time after Andrew 's death . She was glad because she had time to read the New International Version Bible that Pastor Brown gave her . Alan drifted farther away from Andrea . She became closer to Jesus . Andrea put him first in her life and Alan second . David started to understand about Jesus more and more , but he did not make the decision . She could not push him into it because it had to be his decision to ask Jesus into his heart . Andrea 's life with Alan didn 't change , but her own life was changing . She still cried over Andrew . Andrea was comforted knowing he was in heaven with Jesus . She started going to bed instead of waiting up for Alan to come home , or worrying about him . Andrea had as special peace , even though things were falling apart in their marriage . Andrea knew it was the peace Jesus gave her . She kept getting stronger every day even though the pain was still there . Andrea went back to work and everyone was walking on seashells around her . She guessed they didn 't know what to say . Eventually they started coming around again . July fourth came and went . Alan didn 't even remember . I said Happy Fourth of July and Happy Anniversary . He just said , " It has been a year already . Yes , it 's our first anniversary . I 've got to go out for a little while . See you in a couple hours . Bye . " Andrea drove up to her parents ' home and wanted to be with David . He loved being there for the summer . In October , Alan and Andrea thought they would try to get back in sync with each other . They planned an overnight trip to a nice to place where the waterfalls had a beautiful light show . Andrea had wanted to see these waterfalls for a long time . She was excited . On the way , they had a car accident . The car ahead of them did not have a blinker on , so Alan did not know he was turning left . Alan was going to pass him and the driver ahead turned right into us . Andrea was in the passenger side where the car hit . The accident totaled Andrea 's car . Andrea couldn 't move . The ambulance came about fifteen minutes later . They took them to the hospital . Andrea ended up having a broken pelvis in three places . Alan was fine . The other man had some scratches on his face and arm . Andrea 's parents came to be with her . They took Alan home . Andrea 's parents came every day . Her parents were both retired so they were able to drive two hours every day . Alan had to work and didn 't come see her . Her parents were able to bring her home on the fourth day . Chapter 14 She was laid up for three months . Her boss said that Andrea 's job would still be there when she came back . What a relief . All that time off is definitely a hardship because it was without pay . Ladies from church brought them hot meals . Andrea had a lawyer to help her get a settlement . The other man 's insurance company tried to give her a settlement , which was way too low . And because it was not their fault and it was Andrea 's car , she was to get the settlement because she is the one who was hurt . Andrea received the money in April . She thought maybe they could finally have their honeymoon . She asked Alan where he would like to go . They agreed on the Bahamas . Andrea had a travel agency set it up . The travel agent got them a fantastic deal . They were to go in May for nine nights and ten days . This was two months before their second anniversary . They had a wonderful time . They did a lot of swimming . They even went to a casino one night . Andrea played the slot machines . She won and then put all the quarters back into another machine . It was exciting . Alan played the roulette wheel and lost , but had fun . Andrea thought they were going to have a better marriage . She felt like it was improving . Alan was talking to her more and was not going to bars as often . He was even more intimate . Chapter 15 It was a beautiful sunny Saturday morning in June . Andrea was sitting on the couch watching a cooking show . Alan came out of the bedroom carrying a big box . I am moving out , Andrea . I cannot stay married any longer . You were pregnant when we got married and our baby died . There is no reason to stay married any longer . Tom is here with his truck to help me . I will be moving in with him until I can find a place of my own . " " It is not my fault Andrew died , Alan . He died of Sudden Infant Syndrome . It is no one 's fault . " They had only been married one year and eleven months . So much had happened during their marriage , it seemed like there was so much against them . How could they not fail ? Alan defensively said , " You have got your Lord and church people now . You are not alone . You 've changed . You do not drink with me anymore . You do not seem to have any emotions about Andrew . You are always reading that Bible , and you do not care about me . " " That sounds like you , Alan . You are the one who has no feelings about me and you do not show your feelings about Andrew . Just because I told you I put Jesus first in my life and made Him Lord of my life does not mean I do not love you so very , very much . I thought we were going to make it . Things seemed to be getting better . You were not going to the bars as much . I know you are hurting about Andrew , too . But you never talked to me about it or showed me your pain . I want you to stay . " Andrea , you know I do not talk about my feelings . I 'm so numb . I do not have any feelings . I do not love you . " Andrea tried not to cry but she started crying out loud anyway . " It has only been one year and eleven months - next month is our second year anniversary . How can you break our vows and leave like this ? You feel like that because you miss Andrew Alexander . Let 's go to a counselor . " " I don 't want to try anymore . I only married you because you were pregnant . Andrew was the reason I married you , now he is gone . I cannot handle this . Every time I look at you I see your pain . " Alan said without any feeling . " Oh , Alan , you do not mean that . Please think about what you are doing . We should be working out our pain together . We have gone through so much together . We 've gone separate directions . " Alan did not say anything and continued taking boxes of his stuff out to the car . All Andrea could do was sit there and silently cry with tears pouring down her face . Alan never looked at her once . She started praying , " Oh , Father , I am so scared , what am I going to do ? Thank you for being with me . I need your strength . Please be with Alan . May he change his mind ? Please , help me understand him and why he is leaving . I love you , Father . In Jesus name I pray . " Alan took his stereo equipment . He left the furniture except his favorite chair , plus all his music - albums and C / D 's ; all his clothes and personal belongings , too . It was so devastating . When he was at the door with his last box , he turned around and said , " Good - bye , Andrea . " And he just walked out . Andrea called her Mother and told her everything . She said , " We will be right there . " Mom and Dad lived forty - five minutes away . Andrea thought she cried it all out before they got to her apartment , but she didn 't . She started crying all over again when they arrived thirty minutes later . David was with them and he cried with me . He missed Andrew , too . They comforted her and prayed with her . Andrea 's Mom prepared a meal for Andrea before they left . They stayed for a couple hours and left when Andrea had calmed down . Andrea went to the food , put it on the plate and picked at the potatoes and pork steak , ate the corn and went to bed . Chapter 16 It was a very hot summer . David was staying at her parents ' home . Alan and Andrea had met when David was four years old . He left them He left Andrea when she was thirty - two . She felt old . Andrea worked , went home , ate , and went to bed . She was so depressed . She tried to snap out of it , but even praying did not help her . She talked to David everyday on the phone ; he was so upset about Alan leaving . He did not want to come home to me . Andrea 's Mom and Dad were worried about her . They brought David up to see her , hoping it would cheer her up . It would while they were there . She didn 't want to show them how depressed she was . It wasn 't easy . She loved David so much but didn 't know how to be a Mom to him at this time . The depression was getting worse . One month had passed and Alan didn 't call Andrea . It was August now . Today was her birthday . She called his Mom and asked for Tom 's phone number . His mom didn 't keep in touch with her and David . Alan 's mom thought Andrew Alexander 's death was her fault and she thought Alan left because Andrea didn 't take care of him . So there was not any support there . Thank God for her parents support . They helped David and Andrea . David stayed at her parents ' house all summer . He 'll have to come home the end of this month for when school starts . She called him everyday . She called Alan and he answered . He seemed happy to hear from her . After they talked for about ten minutes he remembered it was her birthday , and asked her if she wanted to go for a birthday dinner . Of course she said , " Yes . " Andrea thought that was a good sign . She thought maybe he wanted to come back home . Andrea was so happy to see him . They hugged each other for a second . They were talking small talk and she finally brought up , " Are you coming home ? " Alan said , " No , but I want to stay friends . I do not hate you . " Andrea said she did not hate him either and that she would never stop loving him . She said desperately , " I cannot live without you , Alan . I want you home . " He said , " You will always have a piece of my heart , but I do not want to stay married . I have been to a divorce lawyer , and he is working on the paperwork . " " Alan , you are not even giving us a chance . I know we could make it . What can I do to make you want to come back ? " He did not answer her question . " Andrea , it 's time that I bring you home . I 'll keep in touch . The divorce papers will be delivered in about two months or so . " After Alan dropped her off , all she could do was cry . She remembered the pain pills she saved from her accident and drank them down with some whiskey . She thought this was the answer now that he left her for good . " Why not end it . She took them . She felt sick , she closed her eyes , and everything went black . God must have had something in mind for her because she woke up in the hospital . They called her parents because they found a sheet of numbers on a piece of paper that was for emergencies in her purse which was on her kitchen table . The hospital kept her for a month . The behavioral department ward was a blessing . They had mental health counseling classes . The doctor finally let her go home because she was not a danger to herself any longer . She was more in control of her emotions . She put things in perspective . Her son was her first priority , then her job . He had to come home at the end of August . They had to prepare for school . Her boss was letting her come back to work the next day . She was content . Chapter 17 It has been twenty - three years and a piece of her heart was still broken . No matter how much Andrea prayed and tried to get over Alan , she could not and still felt pain whenever she thought of him leaving her . She never took pills again . Instead she would call someone and prayed , or prayed by herself . They had quit staying in touch twenty - five years ago . The last Andrea had heard back then that he had remarried . That really hurt because he said he didn 't want to be married . Andrea thought , " Maybe it was just me that he did not want to be married to . " Eight years later she divorced her new husband because she couldn 't let go of Alan . She still loved Alan and could never give her whole heart to her second husband . He deserved someone who loved him . The best thing from her second marriage was their daughter . Kayla was five years old when they divorced . David was twenty - three . Andrea brought their daughter with her when she left . Her ex - husband saw Kayla once a month . . During all the following years , God was with Andrea . He kept her under His loving shield . He is the only reason why she is still alive . Her depressions were so intense at times . During all the devastating and tragic , painful times in Andrea 's life , God was in control . It did not seem like He was , but he saved her from worse times . God had to let her choose the things she did because He gave people free will . Taking those pills was her choice . But the things that happened afterward were in God 's control . He let her meet the right people to help her . When Andrew died , God made something out of the sorrow . He brought Andrea to Him . Now she is a child of God . Andrew is in heaven with Jesus . Maybe he saved Andrew from a tragedy or some chronic disease . We don 't know why God does what He does , but there always is a reason . We may not find out until we meet Him , but we will know someday . God 's Word comforted her . The Holy Spirit led Andrea to the right verses at the right times for comfort and wisdom . He is in control of her life now . She has a peace about life now and an inner joy because she knows God loves her . He is always with her , especially through the hard times . Andrea also knows that her home is with Him , not on the earth . She knows she will go to heaven when she dies . While she is on earth a piece of her heart will still ache . John 14 : 27 ( NLT ) - " I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart . And the peace I give isn 't like the peace the world gives . So don 't be troubled or afraid . " Philippians 2 : 1 - 4 ( NIV ) - If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ , if any comfort from His love , iff any fellowship with the Spirit , if any tenderness and compassion , then make my joy complete by being like minded , having the same love , being one in spirit and purpose . Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit , but in humility consider others better than yourselves . Each of you should look not only to your own interests , but also to the interests of others . Most of us are familiar with this verse describing the consequences of pride , and most of us are uncomfortable with the person who emanates pride . It is wearisome to be with people who constantly boast and brag about themselves and their accomplishments . We don 't want to be like that ! However , pride might be hiding in our most secret places . I became aware of this recently when I asked God to shine his light into the secret places of my heart and search out thoughts and actions not in accordance with his will for my life . Imagine my surprise when he found pride lucking in the deepest corners . This led to an awareness of things I had not even considered as the sin of pride . It always amazes me when he begins to peel back the layers of our minds and reveals things that we need to deal with ; small things maybe , but still things that keep us from a close relationship with him . His desire is for us to be like Jesus . What a monumental task ; one we cannot do without the grace of our Lord . Have you asked God to search your heart ? You may be surprised at what he finds . Don 't be discouraged with the results ; just surrender them to him and he 's promised to remove them . As children of the Father , we no longer have to face the eternal consequences of our sins . He has covered that . Receive Devotional by Email or Post on Site . Trials and Triumphs - 40 Powerful Testimonies - Read for Free For a Review . Seeking Christian Testimonies and Christian Fiction Submissions to be published . Many Free Articles for Christian Publications . I enjoy writing about God . I write poems , magazine articles , bible studies are my favorite articles to teach about God . I 'm a mother of two grown children . I 'm retired and enjoy my computer with sites about waterfalls , recipes , animals and Christ - centered articles , Face - book , and Faithwriters . com . , etc . . . . . . . . . . . Godly Witnesses For ChristFriends of Jesus ChristAs He is . . . so are weSeeking HimKNG MusicSharing Through Life and MusicStephen MattsonInspiration . Faith . Christian Culture . Writing . PROJECT : A Journal for Project ManagementProject is a journal for project managers to express their ideas and share their work through writing , conversation , design and imagedecentchristiantalkA blog and commentary on music . Written by fans for fans . adoptingjamesRead our Mission . Find out how you can help us adopt James . Humanity777 's BlogThe Church of ChristMum C writesPoetry , Short Stories and ArticlesUnshakable Hope " May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing , so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit . " ( Romans 15 : 13 ) Godly Witnesses For ChristFriends of Jesus ChristAs He is . . . so are weSeeking HimKNG MusicSharing Through Life and MusicStephen MattsonInspiration . Faith . Christian Culture . Writing . PROJECT : A Journal for Project ManagementProject is a journal for project managers to express their ideas and share their work through writing , conversation , design and imagedecentchristiantalkA blog and commentary on music . Written by fans for fans . |
What follows are true life tributes to a man that we all adore , for he is special to each and every one of us . Matt , Happy Birthday Brother . Enjoy ❤ A little over a year ago , I met this man . I thought he was eye bursting beautiful , and I still do . He 's mad , off his nut , and his mind is one of the darkest I 've encountered . While it should frighten me , and does on occasion , I find him fascinating . I could stare all day and just watch the beast behind his eyes work . Now if this seems like a love letter , there is good reason for that . It is . Get your minds out of the gutter , it 's not like that . Yes , he is handsome , but photographs don 't tell the real story . His eyes are that blue and no camera in existence could do them justice . Nor can it portray the down to earth , and personable guy that he really is . He 's just like everyone else , except he isn 't I admire Matt Farnsworth , truly . His spark of madness is more a raging fire , and it bothers me , in a good way . I 'm laughing out loud in the dark writing this , because in Dallas when I first had the opportunity to meet Matt and Diane Foster at Twisted Tails , he glared at me , and I deserved it , and it really did scare me . It was wonderful . I sense the smirk … . . Meeting Matt was like , to be all squishy , ew , coming home . To the family I 'd known existed all along , and now knew . Okay stop laughing , I mean it ! He loves his TOK Family one and all , and it shows with every post , tweet , share and retweet . His madness is immense . And I give thanks . Creative minds are everywhere . Everyone has a spark , a creature within themselves that will devour if given the chance to escape its confines . Matt 's broke free , his madness ran amok and out of this he created a creature I happen to like . Marcus Miller , The Orphan Killer . This , my friends , is no ordinary psycho , no common HellSpawn . No , this one is mean and brutal and will make you cringe with every swing of his axe . Yeah okay I have a crush on Matt 's Monster . But I 'm his Minion , so it 's allowed . Within the dark the light shines . It gives the power to unlock the best of the mind . On this day the world was given a child , who would become a Dark King , and from mind of this King , a star was born . Hail to the King ! Long will he reign down his slashes of pure horror and gore ! May this day bring you the light and happiness from all that stand with you . Who would have known that Social Media would impact my life in such a way ? Not me . About 10 months ago I logged onto Twitter and there they were , the most beautiful set of eyes I had ever seen . Piercing blue pools that captured my heart . Now thanks to them I have the most wonderful family , yes family , and it all started with those eyes ….… Happy Birthday my King , may there many more . To you I am eternally grateful . You have given so much to me , I will never be able to repay . I hope your day is filled with the love you so richly deserve ! Happiest of birthdays Matt , forever and always , Diana , aka Madness Addict He stands … Tall . . Proud , his essence flows around him . The world sees him . Mesmerizing blue eyes . The kind you do get lost in . Handsome face , no wait , I take that back , devastatingly handsome face . Wicked smile , the kind you know loves mischief and is all about that every day . The madness , oh yes the madness , it circles him , engulfs him , cascades all around him like a turbulent waterfall . This man stands . Women adore him , love him , dream and write stories about being with him . Men adore him , love him and yes want to be with him also . I see this yes but I also see something else in every picture of those beautiful baby blues . I see a man whose talent , intellect , and heart drove him to be where he is today . He has a poet 's heart , moving , caring , understanding and the way he treats his fans proves this 100 % . He has a painters eye , one can only look at his artwork and see the depth of his talent and the passion of his mind . His artwork stirs something inside . Gaze upon his creations and you are swept away by beauty and heart . When I first laid eyes on him , which will be a year this coming Sept . 16 , I thought I saw an angel for the first time . When I followed him and in seconds he followed me back and said Hello … well , I was lost … I was his … That . Is . All . * giggles * . Okay I was wrong about the angel part ! ! ! Then as the months past and I could see how he treated me and his fans with love , caring and respect . I was in awe , no other celebrity shows that much attention to his fans . Then I watched TOK for the first time . The sheer pleasure I got from watching this I can never put into words . The fear I felt for Marcus , the love I felt for Audrey was something I couldn 't understand at the time . I understand now , I was in Horror Lust and the sheet talent and madness of this man showed through onto celluloid like a raging bull in a China shop . So yes … . I 'm lost in those baby blues , I 'm in awe of his talent and mind , and yes I love my Brother . My heart fills with love , respect and gratitude when I think of Matt Farnsworth and Diane Foster and the whole TOK Family . My family accepts me , loves me , understands me . You have given my weird heart a home where I can be me and never be told to stop being weird . Matt , I just want to say thank you for accepting me , for all the love you show me and us fans . For taking time out of your busy day to talk to us . I want you to know you are amazing and as a fan I will always be there to support and give you as much love and encouragement that my heart can hold . It has been nearly a year to the day , August 31st , since you followed me on twitter . The moment I saw you , I was forever lost in those baby blue pools of MADNESS of yours . I have been stuck there since , and " prey " to never be found . You came to me during one of the lowest points in my life , lifted me up , gave me a family that I can truly , cruelly , count on . You gave me peace , and hope . Through the madness you possess , and convey , you have shown me the person I am meant to be , and have led me to the love I was meant to have , the family I deserve . The love , loyalty , attention , respect , and affection that you , and our Queen , show to your fans is like no other . Like nothing I ever expected . I thank you , my Dark One , for every moment that your follow on twitter , ( only my sixth lol ) , has given me . All the love , support , encouragement , MADNESS , and BLOODY BRUTALITY you have brought into my life . You , Diane , David , Officer Hunt , Audrey , Marcus , Esper , Donna , Nicky . You have each impacted and changed my life , my world , in the cruelest , most brutiful ways . 1 year ago this month I was introduced to the greatness that is our # DarkKing . First thing for me was those piercing eyes . They take hold & don 't let go … . draw you in . Then you realize what a creative genius he really is . Absolutely brilliant . That 's what keeps you hooked . Here 's wishing you the cruelest & most brutal of birthdays my # DarkKing ! ! Much love ! ! Amber ( @ peacham21 ) It was a very dark time for me . I was fighting many battles and felt as if I was drowning in an endless sea of despair . Abandoned by some I had come to trust … I felt alone and lost when one night I opened up my computer and there he was , staring at me with eyes of blue infinity that pierced through my soul . A bewitching smile that barely contained the madness I could sense behind it and in time I embraced fully . A heart so large and full of love for all those that follow him . How could I resist this ? He saved me that night and many times since … I know he has done the same for many others . His amazing warmth & friendship breathed new life into me … I found a new sense of purpose and a new family to call Mine . It has been a year since that fateful night and my life has been forever changed . What the future holds I cannot say but I do know this … I will always be his Princess and he my Dark King . Happy birthday Matt and let there be many many more to come ❤ ❤ Caro xo ❤ I 've been trying to find the right words for the last few days . You know which ones I mean . The words that tell my Dark King , my friend , my brother , just what he means to me and how happy I am to have him in my life . The words to tell him Happy Birthday without having it seem , I don 't know , trite . There will be many people sending him wishes for a happy day , telling him they love him , and how happy they are to know him . And while all of that is valid and I do wish him the happiest of days , and I am blessed to have him in my life , and I do love him more than he knows … . It all seems lacking somehow . So , how do I tell him that when he puts up his " madness " pictures that I would be ever so willing to go help him in his mischief ? Or that when he gives us a photo where he looks annoyed , stern , or even a little pissed that I want to either hide or beat up whoever it is that put that look on his face . Mostly though it 's those smirks and smiles that I can 't explain properly . You see , even when I 'm hurting , or sad I can look at one of them and it 's like I can feel him hugging or teasing me . Somehow everything seems to just settle down , and even if he can 't feel me hugging him back , in my mind I am . So how do I tell him all that he means to me ? How thankful I am to his parents for bringing him into this world , and raising him to be the man he is ? How much I appreciate everything he does , and for allowing me into his world ? I just can 't find the words to say it all . So I guess I 'll simply say ; I feel as if these words describe not only my heart but my soul as well . Can a soul be shattered ? I feel as if there is nothing left to wake up for in the morning , nothing left to care about , nothing left to live for . It has all passed me by and I was looking the other way . My mind is wandering , aimless , unsure . Lost in a morass of fear , doubt , pain . My focus is gone , my thoughts scattered to the four winds , hidden from myself . Before I had hearts , hands , souls to help me find my way back . Now , now I am alone . I know who I am , who I am supposed to be , what my purpose is . I have found though that I do not care . It began several months ago . I am only now free of that place , that man , the drugs , and the fear . Well perhaps not the fear . If I were free of the fear I would not be constantly glancing over my shoulder , would I ? I would not have a need to have every light in the house turned on , only turning them off in the light of day . When my sisters see my electric bill they will not be pleased with me . Oh dear god , my sisters . I 'm going to have to tell my sisters . Of course , it would have been nice if even one had noticed that I was not attending our usual Sunday dinners . Noticed and then come to see if they could locate me . I know I have missed a dinner or two in the past but I have never missed without letting someone know . Normally I would have contacted someone . My other sisters have missed previously , without a call , or a text . I 've always made a point of swinging by to see if everything was alright … . No , this is his fault . His alone . Not theirs . They would not have known where to look for me , and had one come along perhaps he would have kept her as well . Or killed her . No I can 't think about that . I must remember that everyone else is alright . I could not bring myself to speak with any of them tonight , I needed to come home , shower . Did you know that showering in an empty house can be terrifying ? The silence is oppressive . However do not turn on the radio or television before you shower . The silence is preferable to the sounds that cover up footsteps , breathing , doors opening … . Stop ! I went by our family home before I came here . I silently peered through the living room window , and in doing so determined it was Sunday . The wine was open , popcorn made , they were watching a movie . It 's one we 've all watched several times in the past . I was surprised to see my brothers as well . They seldom join us and I will admit that I wanted to go inside , crawl into the lap of one of our boys , and stay there . Of course I could not let them see me like that . Stolen clothes , covered in blood ( not all of it mine , he felt pain before he died ) , my hair full of dirt , my skin covered in cuts , bruises , needle tracks … . Thank God I have seven days until Sunday . My family is a little … unusual . We are none of us family by blood , simply by choice . We found each other gradually over the years . We know that we will most likely find more as time passes , it is the nature of our bond . We have had siblings leave , their paths veering away from ours . We have also suggested , rather firmly I might add , that a sibling or two is no longer welcome in the family home . I cannot help but wonder if my recent actions will cause my departure to be desired . We each have a virtue that we identify with strongly . My gift has been eloquence , the capability to speak and be heard , to bring the truth to light without causing offense . I have been told that although I was not born with a silver spoon , I was blessed with a silver tongue . My family knows that a portion of my gift is the ability to broadcast my desired outcome , the positive emotions that I wish to be felt by the others involved . I have recently found out that I am also capable of permitting my fear , my anger , and my hate to be felt by others as well . How I wish I had never been taught that lesson . I don 't actually know how it began , one moment I was home , the next I was not . The day had begun like most any other . My phone ringing . It was , of course , one of my sisters . Raven needed my help . Her primary talent is Justice but she sometimes let it over take her . She 'd gotten herself into a little bit of a pickle and needed me to talk to the group and smooth things over . Not a huge issue . So I told her I would have a quick shower , then head on to meet up with her . I never made it . I was in the shower , I heard a thump and I called out . I thought one of my sisters was over . I saw a shadow on the curtain . And then nothingness . When I awoke all I could feel was heat , surrounding me , entrapping me . No escape . I couldn 't move , my eyes opened in panic to see nothing , darkness . I couldn 't help myself and I began to twist , whimper , cry . Suddenly I was able to move , the heat dissipating , and I felt a light touch on my arm . " Shhhhh … relax my sweet . Everything is fine , you 're safe . " A soft , masculine voice , unfortunately not a familiar voice . " Where am I ? Why can 't I see ? " I wanted to shout with every fiber of my being , but that never gets anyone anywhere . I felt myself broadcast a little of my fear , just a small amount . I didn 't know if it would work , I 'd never tried fear before . Concern but never fear . But then again , what had I ever truly been afraid of ? " No my sweet , none of that . " I felt a sharp prick in my arm and that was the end of that . Every time I woke he was there . If I tried to broadcast my emotions , another needle . If I screamed , another needle . If I cried , or carried on in any fashion , again the needle . As time passed I began to wake more quietly . I felt around my space using what senses I had available . As touch and sight were out of the equation I had to listen , keep myself calm and pay attention when he entered the room . Jes saw a light on and decided to stop . She said she thought I was out of town . Wanted to know where I went for six months without telling anyone . Six months . She also gave me shit for disappearing on our sister . She had to go help Raven , though she said there was a bad taste left behind that nothing could fix . I told her to stop ranting at me that I 'd explain on Sunday what happened so I only have to do so once . The light was behind me so she couldn 't see the bruises . Anyway , after a time ( I 'm not sure how long ) I realized that when it was really quiet , I could hear other voices . The only one that seemed able to tell when I was broadcasting was the man in charge of me , so to speak . I began to send out gentle waves of concern . I could sense a woman in the room to my left , and a man in the one to my right . I knew without trying though that he wasn 't going to be around much longer . I could feel he was letting go . I tried to send him courage , strength , hope . All I received in return was despair . The next time I woke , I sensed nothing . He was gone . The next day I made contact , of a sort , with the woman . I could tell when she was medicated , when she was simply sleeping , and when she was awake . Sleeping meant nightmares . Fear . Awake meant terror . I could only help for short periods of time . Her fear , her terror , increased my own . So I had to keep my contact with her to a minimum . I believed that instead of becoming despondent like that man had , that she was losing her mind . There were times I heard her screaming , but the laughing was the worst . Neither lasted long though , and then I could sense she 'd been drugged again . My captor was away more . I had more time between his visits . More time awake . I 'd begun to notice that my body was in pain . The only times I knew anyone was in the room was when he would come in and the world would disappear with the prick in my arm . I started to wonder what was happening when I was unaware . I 'm not certain how long it took but I must have built up a resistance to the drug . He didn 't know as I tried to be silent when I woke . I could hear him in the room sometimes , writing on occasion , sounds I didn 't recognize other times . I would stay silent , contained , hidden . I would wait , sometimes half an hour , sometimes longer before I 'd try to send out calm , hope , to the lady in the next room . If I didn 't wait long enough he would come back and I 'd get another needle . I finally woke very early one day . I could feel his hands on my body . He was touching me , everywhere . Pinching , squeezing , slapping . No wonder I hurt every day . After that nearly every time I woke he was touching me in some manner . I did my best to remain calm , quiet , let him think I was still out . I didn 't always succeed . Then one day I felt the needle when he came in , but I didn 't go completely under . I could hear him talking to another man . I couldn 't track the words though , the drug made that nearly impossible . I couldn 't move either but I was aware . And then I wished I wasn 't . They took turns using my body . Not just the two , but several men . Different touches , different voices , different men all using my body for their enjoyment . Now I knew why I was bound , blindfolded , why I was being held against my will . My terror overwhelmed me , and that was all I knew for a while . Next time I woke I awoke screaming . He spoke to me and I did not stop , I think it was a few days before I woke again . He changed my drug , I was solidly out again . This time when I woke I planned . I needed to get out . I 'd been waiting , hoping that one of my sisters would arrive , tell me that I was in the hospital , tell me what had happened . They would never have left me in a place like this though . So now I knew , I had to get out on my own . But how ? My hands and feet were firmly strapped to the bed . I wondered about the lady in the other room . Was she trapped as I was ? Were they doing to her what they were doing to me ? Then a couple of days ago , while it was still quiet all around me , I woke suddenly . In the silence I could hear her tears . Her fears filled the room with screaming , though there was no sound to be heard . Her pain , her sense of loss , her anguish surrounded me , drowning me in her . I began to speak . Softly , gently , low . If there was anyone walking past none but she could hear . And she heard . If only she had not heard . My words fueled her , commanded her . My words drove her . Her actions were my thoughts . My pain , my sorrow , my hatred . Her body was free , mine was not . My mind , my voice were all I had . She became my avatar . My puppet . My saviour . Their death . She had been unresponsive for days . They no longer bothered to bind her to the bed . When her controller entered the room , she used my anger , my hatred , my out and out uncontrollable rage as her fuel . I whispered thoughts of death , mayhem , blood and she made them real . When he was dead I still did not release her from me . She killed the man in the hall , tore him limb from limb . After she released me from my bindings I stumbled to the door , leaning against it I looked out and watched his life merge with the water he had been washing the floor with . I did not mourn him though . If he was not one of the men that raped us , then he left us to them . God damn it , who 's here now ? I need to finish this . I need to get it out . But the doorbell is ringing . I 'll be back . I need to be more careful . Devine stopped in , noticed all the lights on , and started to walk around turning them off . I had to lie , I told her I was looking for a mouse . That I thought I 'd seen one and didn 't want to turn off the lights until I found it . She turned to look at me , she looked concerned and I thought I hadn 't done a good enough job with the cover - up but then she shivered and said she hoped I was wrong but maybe I could borrow a cat . I 'm going to have to stop leaving the lights on all the time . It 's attracting too much attention . Tomorrow I 'm going to get a lock for my bedroom door . Maybe I 'll be able to sleep . With my room at the back of the house my sisters shouldn 't notice these lights on all night . I still don 't know her name . I guess I never will now . They killed her , they killed her as if they had plunged the knife into her body themselves . But he wasn 't there yet . They 'd called him so he was on his way . But he wasn 't there yet and none of the others seemed to feel my broadcast as an outside thing . We 'd gotten part way down the hall . We were opening doors , trying to release anyone else we found . We only found two others that could walk . There were others but they weren 't going anywhere . One man had his legs broken , and they didn 't set them properly . He told me he 'd tried to escape and that was his punishment . He asked me to kill him . I told him I couldn 't . I should have then , I did later but not by choice . She 'd picked up the mop , and broken off the handle . As I was untying another lady she turned and put it through some guy 's throat . He came running into the room , yelling at us . She didn 't like the yelling . I tried to rein in my emotions a little , the other lady was becoming violent as well and I realized I was still affecting them . I should have let it be though . We found a man near the end of the hall , he could walk but there was something about him that made me nervous . We let him free anyway and he joined us . We went around a corner and into a large open space , there was a kitchen area on the other side of the room and I could see knives from where I was standing . I thought it was odd that there was no one around but I took it as a blessing and we went across the room . We each collected a couple of knives . The new lady didn 't want to but I told her to grab a couple anyway . I said she didn 't have to use them but it would keep her from looking like easy prey . As we slipped into the next hallway , I noticed all the doors were open , no one to rescue , nowhere for anyone to be hiding . I started to calm down . I could see the doors leading to the outside world just a few meters away . As I calmed down so too did my companions , but I didn 't see it . I was walking in front with the first woman . I really wish I 'd asked her name . As my emotions settled , my broadcast ebbed . I thought we were all there for the same thing . I thought we were all being used in the same manner . I have to admit I was confused when behind me I heard a gurgle . As we turned around we saw that the man we had rescued had cut the other woman 's throat . He was smiling . He was covered in her blood , and he was smiling as he moved towards us . I froze . And because I froze so did the lady I started all of this with . Because she froze , he plunged a knife into her stomach . He did it almost as an afterthought . He was walking towards us , his eyes holding my own , he was nearly past her , she had stopped sooner than I did . Then his hand moved almost lazily to the side and I heard the sound of the knife plunging into her . His smile grew as he pulled it back out , his hand covered in gore as he sliced to the side . He made it two more steps towards me , a couple more and he would be close enough to kill me too , and still I stood . My fear had paralyzed me , he was nearly to me when he stopped with a look of confusion on his face . He should have made certain she was dead , or at least down for the count . Her pain woke her from my fear . Her kitchen knives were in his back . One in the middle , one looked to be in his kidney . As he fell her eyes locked on mine . I caught her before she hit the ground , I held her as she bled out , I cried as the light left her eyes , and I could no longer feel her presence . I 'm not certain how long I sat on the floor with her in my arms . Her blood pooled around me on the floor , his blood mingled with hers but I could not make myself move further away . I hear the doorbell but I need to finish this now . Whoever it is can come back later . It 's taken me two days to get this far , and I have yet to sleep . Maybe when I finish I will . I heard voices coming towards me . One man was talking on a cell phone , telling someone that we were free , that the others were dead , I was the only one remaining . I waited until he was off the phone , until he and the other men were closer , and then I sent them my rage . Their targets ? Each other . I sent my rage , my hatred , and my fear to all of them . The one with the phone suddenly turned to the man beside him and the phone went through his mouth . That was the only one to die quickly . As he turned to another , he turned his back to one and he suddenly lost a part of his spine . He collapsed and I watched him die . It took a while . The one holding the spine suddenly had a chair smash over his head . I lost track of what was happening for a little while as the remaining 5 men made each other bleed . When it was down to one , I put her gently on the floor , took up my knives and walked towards him . I sent him wave upon wave of trust , love , desire . By the time I was close to him he was rather randy . I let him watch as I cut it off . Then one of my knives went through his eye into his brain , he was dead before his scream fully materialized . I went and sat back with the lady , pulled her back onto my lap , and told her that they had paid for what they did to us and that I was going to take a short rest before I went home . I believe I passed out for a while . The next thing I remember is looking up and seeing the man that was my controller . I 'd never seen him before but I recognized his voice when he spoke . He tried to take her away from me . I screamed , loud . He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a needle . I know it was to calm me down but after everything I had just been through I was not going back into that room . No one would touch me again . This man would not get near enough ever again . As he came closer I gathered my strength , and flung her at him . It knocked him over , the needle went flying . By the time he got out from under her , the needle was in my hand , and then in his arm . He was out in moments . Had I left then I could have told my family what happened . They would have helped me deal with the repercussions , with the stress , and the fear . I would have spent the last two days with my sisters helping me to pack while my brothers went looking for a new place for me , something with enough security to please them . But I didn 't . I should have but I stayed . I took him to one of the empty rooms that we had passed , I didn 't think there would be enough time to put him through even half of what we went through but I wanted him to feel fear . So I put the cuffs on him , and a blindfold . The door closed , locked , just in case . In another drawer I found a gag , I didn 't want him to be able to distract me , to make me change my mind . I didn 't want to hear him beg . And then I waited for him to wake . It must have been a low dosage as he woke no more than an hour later , I think . I 'm afraid my sense of time has escaped me somewhat . He jerked awake , his screams muffled by the gag , his muscles straining against the cuffs . I spoke quietly to him . He had to stop screaming if he was to hear my words . He did for a moment , and then he realized what I was saying . The screams began again . As he thrashed , and pulled I slid a knife under his pants leg . He felt the cool metal and stopped moving . I think he was afraid that I might cut him . Up one leg at a time , at the top I allowed the blade to touch his manhood , gently but enough to make him scream in fear . As I cut his shirt off I turned the blade over and left a thin slice along his pectoral muscles , very lightly , it was barely there . But it made him shriek and I was beginning to enjoy his muffled sounds . That should have told me it was time to leave but I didn 't want to . After I disrobed him I began to broadcast my fear to him . He was already afraid and I made him terrified . I whispered softly to him , telling him what I wanted him to do , what I wanted him to feel . I told him what she had felt , what she had done , and I whispered that he would do so much more . I took control of his feelings , subtlety playing no role . I told him a story about what had been done to she and I from our perspectives . I told him a tale about how he was going to make it up to us . I could feel his resistance , his desire to break free from my control , and I laughed . And then I amplified it all twice again as much . I shattered him , and then … . then I released him from the bonds . I instructed him to harm himself . And he did as he was bid . He cut himself , so deeply that I could see bone , and sinew . He sliced his own legs so deeply that the muscles we no longer attached , he could not have stood , walked , run … nothing , and I was pleased . But still it wasn 't enough , and I was lost to my own madness . I took the knife back , and tied him back to the bed . I 'd been preventing him from feeling the pain so far . The pain would have given him strength to break my control and I could not allow that . As soon as he was bound tightly , I released my control including the pain suppression . He roared and then passed out . Somehow some sanity broke through . I could not leave him as he was , but I no longer desired to torture him . I picked up the knife and I slit his throat . Within moments I was bathed in his blood , and yet I stood there . I watched until there was no chance of life remaining . And still I felt unsafe . I lost what control I had regained and the next thing I recall his head was no longer attached to his body . His legs weren 't even in the same room . I left his hands bound as I pulled on a lab coat I found in a closet at the back of the room . I didn 't even try to wash up . Suddenly the fear was overwhelming me again . Any moment someone was going to walk through the door and I was never going to leave this place . I tried to school myself , control it . I couldn 't leave things as they were . Eventually someone would show up even if it wasn 't right now . If they didn 't call the cops , and I was fairly certain they wouldn 't , this would continue . They 'd do this to someone else . Some part of me knew that there were others still tied to their beds but they were dead already , even if they were still breathing . I couldn 't rescue them , and by the time I could get help I was positive that the people running this place would have killed them rather than move them . This was my rationalization . And so I went back to the kitchen , I went through the cupboards and I found alcohol . I poured some out down the hallway I had been in . I poured the rest down the hallway I would leave by , and over that man 's body . Then I went back and lit all the candles I could find . I put them by the trails of booze , by the oven . I sure hoped this was going to work , it did in the movies . I kept one candle with me and I went back to the kitchen to turn on the gas stove . I wasn 't sure candles would set it off but I was fairly sure that a fire would . As I got to the doorway leading to freedom I lit my candle , left the flame up on the lighter I 'd found , and tossed them both down the hall towards the booze . I peered out the door carefully . It was dark enough outside that I felt I could slip into the shadows unobserved . When I was a little a couple of blocks away I heard an explosion , I could see flames in the distance . What do you know , it worked . I still don 't know how I made it to the family home . Or even why I went that way at all . My place would have been closer , there would have been no risk of a family member spotting me had I just gone home . And well , here I am . Somehow I made it home from there . I am dreading Sunday . For the first time ever I am afraid to go to my family . I could lie to them . I could make up a story , something easy , light . Something with no blood , no pain , no death . I could . But I love them . I made a promise long ago , no lies . Not within the family . They all know what I can do , although they don 't know what I am capable of . They will though . It won 't be long and I will be alone , adrift , shunned . There 's the doorbell again . It 's being held down , that means it 's Jes and she won 't leave until she gets her way . I 'll go talk to her and then I 'm going to try to sleep . I close the book , check my makeup to be certain she won 't be able to tell anything , and go answer the door . It 's not just Jes , it 's Raven as well . She 's hoping I can help her out and this time she 's taking me with her . It doesn 't matter that I 'm exhausted , I 'll go and do my thing for my sister . I only hope I can control my emotions . I can 't exactly be broadcasting fear every time someone comes near me , touches me , invades my space … . crap . Jes comes back down the hall from the washroom and I tease her about falling in . She laughs and tells me it 's time I changed the lock on that door , that it tries to keep her in every single time . I tell her not to worry about that door , that I 'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow . That this place is too big for just me . My sisters , the loves that they are , offer to help and as we head out we discuss what I 'm looking for in a new place . Raven insists that this time I get a place with a pool . As we get into the car we 're laughing , it very nearly drowns out the screaming in my head . I feel as if these words describe not only my heart but my soul as well . Can a soul be shattered ? I feel as if there is nothing left to wake up for in the morning , nothing left to care about , nothing left to live for . It has all passed me by and I was looking the other way . My mind is wandering , aimless , unsure . Lost in a morass of fear , doubt , pain . My focus is gone , my thoughts scattered to the four winds , hidden from myself . Before I had hearts , hands , souls to help me find my way back . Now , now I am alone . I know who I am , who I am supposed to be , what my purpose is . I have found though that I do not care . It began several months ago . I am only now free of that place , that man , the drugs , and the fear . Well perhaps not the fear . If I were free of the fear I would not be constantly glancing over my shoulder , would I ? I would not have a need to have every light in the house turned on , only turning them off in the light of day . When my sisters see my electric bill they will not be pleased with me . Oh dear god , my sisters . I 'm going to have to tell my sisters . Of course , it would have been nice if even one had noticed that I was not attending our usual Sunday dinners . Noticed and then come to see if they could locate me . I know I have missed a dinner or two in the past but I have never missed without letting someone know . Normally I would have contacted someone . My other sisters have missed previously , without a call , or a text . I 've always made a point of swinging by to see if everything was alright … . No , this is his fault . His alone . Not theirs . They would not have known where to look for me , and had one come along perhaps he would have kept her as well . Or killed her . No I can 't think about that . I must remember that everyone else is alright . I could not bring myself to speak with any of them tonight , I needed to come home , shower . Did you know that showering in an empty house can be terrifying ? The silence is oppressive . However do not turn on the radio or television before you shower . The silence is preferable to the sounds that cover up footsteps , breathing , doors opening … . Stop ! I went by our family home before I came here . I silently peered through the living room window , and in doing so determined it was Sunday . The wine was open , popcorn made , they were watching a movie . It 's one we 've all watched several times in the past . I was surprised to see my brothers as well . They seldom join us and I will admit that I wanted to go inside , crawl into the lap of one of our boys , and stay there . Of course I could not let them see me like that . Stolen clothes , covered in blood ( not all of it mine , he felt pain before he died ) , my hair full of dirt , my skin covered in cuts , bruises , needle tracks … . Thank God I have seven days until Sunday . My family is a little … unusual . We are none of us family by blood , simply by choice . We found each other gradually over the years . We know that we will most likely find more as time passes , it is the nature of our bond . We have had siblings leave , their paths veering away from ours . We have also suggested , rather firmly I might add , that a sibling or two is no longer welcome in the family home . I cannot help but wonder if my recent actions will cause my departure to be desired . We each have a virtue that we identify with strongly . My gift has been eloquence , the capability to speak and be heard , to bring the truth to light without causing offense . I have been told that although I was not born with a silver spoon , I was blessed with a silver tongue . My family knows that a portion of my gift is the ability to broadcast my desired outcome , the positive emotions that I wish to be felt by the others involved . I have recently found out that I am also capable of permitting my fear , my anger , and my hate to be felt by others as well . How I wish I had never been taught that lesson . I don 't actually know how it began , one moment I was home , the next I was not . The day had begun like most any other . My phone ringing . It was , of course , one of my sisters . Raven needed my help . Her primary talent is Justice but she sometimes let it over take her . She 'd gotten herself into a little bit of a pickle and needed me to talk to the group and smooth things over . Not a huge issue . So I told her I would have a quick shower , then head on to meet up with her . I never made it . I was in the shower , I heard a thump and I called out . I thought one of my sisters was over . I saw a shadow on the curtain . And then nothingness . When I awoke all I could feel was heat , surrounding me , entrapping me . No escape . I couldn 't move , my eyes opened in panic to see nothing , darkness . I couldn 't help myself and I began to twist , whimper , cry . Suddenly I was able to move , the heat dissipating , and I felt a light touch on my arm . " Shhhhh … relax my sweet . Everything is fine , you 're safe . " A soft , masculine voice , unfortunately not a familiar voice . " Where am I ? Why can 't I see ? " I wanted to shout with every fiber of my being , but that never gets anyone anywhere . I felt myself broadcast a little of my fear , just a small amount . I didn 't know if it would work , I 'd never tried fear before . Concern but never fear . But then again , what had I ever truly been afraid of ? " No my sweet , none of that . " I felt a sharp prick in my arm and that was the end of that . Every time I woke he was there . If I tried to broadcast my emotions , another needle . If I screamed , another needle . If I cried , or carried on in any fashion , again the needle . As time passed I began to wake more quietly . I felt around my space using what senses I had available . As touch and sight were out of the equation I had to listen , keep myself calm and pay attention when he entered the room . Jes saw a light on and decided to stop . She said she thought I was out of town . Wanted to know where I went for six months without telling anyone . Six months . She also gave me shit for disappearing on our sister . She had to go help Raven , though she said there was a bad taste left behind that nothing could fix . I told her to stop ranting at me that I 'd explain on Sunday what happened so I only have to do so once . The light was behind me so she couldn 't see the bruises . Anyway , after a time ( I 'm not sure how long ) I realized that when it was really quiet , I could hear other voices . The only one that seemed able to tell when I was broadcasting was the man in charge of me , so to speak . I began to send out gentle waves of concern . I could sense a woman in the room to my left , and a man in the one to my right . I knew without trying though that he wasn 't going to be around much longer . I could feel he was letting go . I tried to send him courage , strength , hope . All I received in return was despair . The next time I woke , I sensed nothing . He was gone . The next day I made contact , of a sort , with the woman . I could tell when she was medicated , when she was simply sleeping , and when she was awake . Sleeping meant nightmares . Fear . Awake meant terror . I could only help for short periods of time . Her fear , her terror , increased my own . So I had to keep my contact with her to a minimum . I believed that instead of becoming despondent like that man had , that she was losing her mind . There were times I heard her screaming , but the laughing was the worst . Neither lasted long though , and then I could sense she 'd been drugged again . My captor was away more . I had more time between his visits . More time awake . I 'd begun to notice that my body was in pain . The only times I knew anyone was in the room was when he would come in and the world would disappear with the prick in my arm . I started to wonder what was happening when I was unaware . I 'm not certain how long it took but I must have built up a resistance to the drug . He didn 't know as I tried to be silent when I woke . I could hear him in the room sometimes , writing on occasion , sounds I didn 't recognize other times . I would stay silent , contained , hidden . I would wait , sometimes half an hour , sometimes longer before I 'd try to send out calm , hope , to the lady in the next room . If I didn 't wait long enough he would come back and I 'd get another needle . I finally woke very early one day . I could feel his hands on my body . He was touching me , everywhere . Pinching , squeezing , slapping . No wonder I hurt every day . After that nearly every time I woke he was touching me in some manner . I did my best to remain calm , quiet , let him think I was still out . I didn 't always succeed . Then one day I felt the needle when he came in , but I didn 't go completely under . I could hear him talking to another man . I couldn 't track the words though , the drug made that nearly impossible . I couldn 't move either but I was aware . And then I wished I wasn 't . They took turns using my body . Not just the two , but several men . Different touches , different voices , different men all using my body for their enjoyment . Now I knew why I was bound , blindfolded , why I was being held against my will . My terror overwhelmed me , and that was all I knew for a while . Next time I woke I awoke screaming . He spoke to me and I did not stop , I think it was a few days before I woke again . He changed my drug , I was solidly out again . This time when I woke I planned . I needed to get out . I 'd been waiting , hoping that one of my sisters would arrive , tell me that I was in the hospital , tell me what had happened . They would never have left me in a place like this though . So now I knew , I had to get out on my own . But how ? My hands and feet were firmly strapped to the bed . I wondered about the lady in the other room . Was she trapped as I was ? Were they doing to her what they were doing to me ? Then a couple of days ago , while it was still quiet all around me , I woke suddenly . In the silence I could hear her tears . Her fears filled the room with screaming , though there was no sound to be heard . Her pain , her sense of loss , her anguish surrounded me , drowning me in her . I began to speak . Softly , gently , low . If there was anyone walking past none but she could hear . And she heard . If only she had not heard . My words fueled her , commanded her . My words drove her . Her actions were my thoughts . My pain , my sorrow , my hatred . Her body was free , mine was not . My mind , my voice were all I had . She became my avatar . My puppet . My saviour . Their death . She had been unresponsive for days . They no longer bothered to bind her to the bed . When her controller entered the room , she used my anger , my hatred , my out and out uncontrollable rage as her fuel . I whispered thoughts of death , mayhem , blood and she made them real . When he was dead I still did not release her from me . She killed the man in the hall , tore him limb from limb . After she released me from my bindings I stumbled to the door , leaning against it I looked out and watched his life merge with the water he had been washing the floor with . I did not mourn him though . If he was not one of the men that raped us , then he left us to them . God damn it , who 's here now ? I need to finish this . I need to get it out . But the doorbell is ringing . I 'll be back . I need to be more careful . Devine stopped in , noticed all the lights on , and started to walk around turning them off . I had to lie , I told her I was looking for a mouse . That I thought I 'd seen one and didn 't want to turn off the lights until I found it . She turned to look at me , she looked concerned and I thought I hadn 't done a good enough job with the cover - up but then she shivered and said she hoped I was wrong but maybe I could borrow a cat . I 'm going to have to stop leaving the lights on all the time . It 's attracting too much attention . Tomorrow I 'm going to get a lock for my bedroom door . Maybe I 'll be able to sleep . With my room at the back of the house my sisters shouldn 't notice these lights on all night . I still don 't know her name . I guess I never will now . They killed her , they killed her as if they had plunged the knife into her body themselves . But he wasn 't there yet . They 'd called him so he was on his way . But he wasn 't there yet and none of the others seemed to feel my broadcast as an outside thing . We 'd gotten part way down the hall . We were opening doors , trying to release anyone else we found . We only found two others that could walk . There were others but they weren 't going anywhere . One man had his legs broken , and they didn 't set them properly . He told me he 'd tried to escape and that was his punishment . He asked me to kill him . I told him I couldn 't . I should have then , I did later but not by choice . She 'd picked up the mop , and broken off the handle . As I was untying another lady she turned and put it through some guy 's throat . He came running into the room , yelling at us . She didn 't like the yelling . I tried to rein in my emotions a little , the other lady was becoming violent as well and I realized I was still affecting them . I should have let it be though . We found a man near the end of the hall , he could walk but there was something about him that made me nervous . We let him free anyway and he joined us . We went around a corner and into a large open space , there was a kitchen area on the other side of the room and I could see knives from where I was standing . I thought it was odd that there was no one around but I took it as a blessing and we went across the room . We each collected a couple of knives . The new lady didn 't want to but I told her to grab a couple anyway . I said she didn 't have to use them but it would keep her from looking like easy prey . As we slipped into the next hallway , I noticed all the doors were open , no one to rescue , nowhere for anyone to be hiding . I started to calm down . I could see the doors leading to the outside world just a few meters away . As I calmed down so too did my companions , but I didn 't see it . I was walking in front with the first woman . I really wish I 'd asked her name . As my emotions settled , my broadcast ebbed . I thought we were all there for the same thing . I thought we were all being used in the same manner . I have to admit I was confused when behind me I heard a gurgle . As we turned around we saw that the man we had rescued had cut the other woman 's throat . He was smiling . He was covered in her blood , and he was smiling as he moved towards us . I froze . And because I froze so did the lady I started all of this with . Because she froze , he plunged a knife into her stomach . He did it almost as an afterthought . He was walking towards us , his eyes holding my own , he was nearly past her , she had stopped sooner than I did . Then his hand moved almost lazily to the side and I heard the sound of the knife plunging into her . His smile grew as he pulled it back out , his hand covered in gore as he sliced to the side . He made it two more steps towards me , a couple more and he would be close enough to kill me too , and still I stood . My fear had paralyzed me , he was nearly to me when he stopped with a look of confusion on his face . He should have made certain she was dead , or at least down for the count . Her pain woke her from my fear . Her kitchen knives were in his back . One in the middle , one looked to be in his kidney . As he fell her eyes locked on mine . I caught her before she hit the ground , I held her as she bled out , I cried as the light left her eyes , and I could no longer feel her presence . I 'm not certain how long I sat on the floor with her in my arms . Her blood pooled around me on the floor , his blood mingled with hers but I could not make myself move further away . I hear the doorbell but I need to finish this now . Whoever it is can come back later . It 's taken me two days to get this far , and I have yet to sleep . Maybe when I finish I will . I heard voices coming towards me . One man was talking on a cell phone , telling someone that we were free , that the others were dead , I was the only one remaining . I waited until he was off the phone , until he and the other men were closer , and then I sent them my rage . Their targets ? Each other . I sent my rage , my hatred , and my fear to all of them . The one with the phone suddenly turned to the man beside him and the phone went through his mouth . That was the only one to die quickly . As he turned to another , he turned his back to one and he suddenly lost a part of his spine . He collapsed and I watched him die . It took a while . The one holding the spine suddenly had a chair smash over his head . I lost track of what was happening for a little while as the remaining 5 men made each other bleed . When it was down to one , I put her gently on the floor , took up my knives and walked towards him . I sent him wave upon wave of trust , love , desire . By the time I was close to him he was rather randy . I let him watch as I cut it off . Then one of my knives went through his eye into his brain , he was dead before his scream fully materialized . I went and sat back with the lady , pulled her back onto my lap , and told her that they had paid for what they did to us and that I was going to take a short rest before I went home . I believe I passed out for a while . The next thing I remember is looking up and seeing the man that was my controller . I 'd never seen him before but I recognized his voice when he spoke . He tried to take her away from me . I screamed , loud . He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a needle . I know it was to calm me down but after everything I had just been through I was not going back into that room . No one would touch me again . This man would not get near enough ever again . As he came closer I gathered my strength , and flung her at him . It knocked him over , the needle went flying . By the time he got out from under her , the needle was in my hand , and then in his arm . He was out in moments . Had I left then I could have told my family what happened . They would have helped me deal with the repercussions , with the stress , and the fear . I would have spent the last two days with my sisters helping me to pack while my brothers went looking for a new place for me , something with enough security to please them . But I didn 't . I should have but I stayed . I took him to one of the empty rooms that we had passed , I didn 't think there would be enough time to put him through even half of what we went through but I wanted him to feel fear . So I put the cuffs on him , and a blindfold . The door closed , locked , just in case . In another drawer I found a gag , I didn 't want him to be able to distract me , to make me change my mind . I didn 't want to hear him beg . And then I waited for him to wake . It must have been a low dosage as he woke no more than an hour later , I think . I 'm afraid my sense of time has escaped me somewhat . He jerked awake , his screams muffled by the gag , his muscles straining against the cuffs . I spoke quietly to him . He had to stop screaming if he was to hear my words . He did for a moment , and then he realized what I was saying . The screams began again . As he thrashed , and pulled I slid a knife under his pants leg . He felt the cool metal and stopped moving . I think he was afraid that I might cut him . Up one leg at a time , at the top I allowed the blade to touch his manhood , gently but enough to make him scream in fear . As I cut his shirt off I turned the blade over and left a thin slice along his pectoral muscles , very lightly , it was barely there . But it made him shriek and I was beginning to enjoy his muffled sounds . That should have told me it was time to leave but I didn 't want to . After I disrobed him I began to broadcast my fear to him . He was already afraid and I made him terrified . I whispered softly to him , telling him what I wanted him to do , what I wanted him to feel . I told him what she had felt , what she had done , and I whispered that he would do so much more . I took control of his feelings , subtlety playing no role . I told him a story about what had been done to she and I from our perspectives . I told him a tale about how he was going to make it up to us . I could feel his resistance , his desire to break free from my control , and I laughed . And then I amplified it all twice again as much . I shattered him , and then … . then I released him from the bonds . I instructed him to harm himself . And he did as he was bid . He cut himself , so deeply that I could see bone , and sinew . He sliced his own legs so deeply that the muscles we no longer attached , he could not have stood , walked , run … nothing , and I was pleased . But still it wasn 't enough , and I was lost to my own madness . I took the knife back , and tied him back to the bed . I 'd been preventing him from feeling the pain so far . The pain would have given him strength to break my control and I could not allow that . As soon as he was bound tightly , I released my control including the pain suppression . He roared and then passed out . Somehow some sanity broke through . I could not leave him as he was , but I no longer desired to torture him . I picked up the knife and I slit his throat . Within moments I was bathed in his blood , and yet I stood there . I watched until there was no chance of life remaining . And still I felt unsafe . I lost what control I had regained and the next thing I recall his head was no longer attached to his body . His legs weren 't even in the same room . I left his hands bound as I pulled on a lab coat I found in a closet at the back of the room . I didn 't even try to wash up . Suddenly the fear was overwhelming me again . Any moment someone was going to walk through the door and I was never going to leave this place . I tried to school myself , control it . I couldn 't leave things as they were . Eventually someone would show up even if it wasn 't right now . If they didn 't call the cops , and I was fairly certain they wouldn 't , this would continue . They 'd do this to someone else . Some part of me knew that there were others still tied to their beds but they were dead already , even if they were still breathing . I couldn 't rescue them , and by the time I could get help I was positive that the people running this place would have killed them rather than move them . This was my rationalization . And so I went back to the kitchen , I went through the cupboards and I found alcohol . I poured some out down the hallway I had been in . I poured the rest down the hallway I would leave by , and over that man 's body . Then I went back and lit all the candles I could find . I put them by the trails of booze , by the oven . I sure hoped this was going to work , it did in the movies . I kept one candle with me and I went back to the kitchen to turn on the gas stove . I wasn 't sure candles would set it off but I was fairly sure that a fire would . As I got to the doorway leading to freedom I lit my candle , left the flame up on the lighter I 'd found , and tossed them both down the hall towards the booze . I peered out the door carefully . It was dark enough outside that I felt I could slip into the shadows unobserved . When I was a little a couple of blocks away I heard an explosion , I could see flames in the distance . What do you know , it worked . I still don 't know how I made it to the family home . Or even why I went that way at all . My place would have been closer , there would have been no risk of a family member spotting me had I just gone home . And well , here I am . Somehow I made it home from there . I am dreading Sunday . For the first time ever I am afraid to go to my family . I could lie to them . I could make up a story , something easy , light . Something with no blood , no pain , no death . I could . But I love them . I made a promise long ago , no lies . Not within the family . They all know what I can do , although they don 't know what I am capable of . They will though . It won 't be long and I will be alone , adrift , shunned . There 's the doorbell again . It 's being held down , that means it 's Jes and she won 't leave until she gets her way . I 'll go talk to her and then I 'm going to try to sleep . I close the book , check my makeup to be certain she won 't be able to tell anything , and go answer the door . It 's not just Jes , it 's Raven as well . She 's hoping I can help her out and this time she 's taking me with her . It doesn 't matter that I 'm exhausted , I 'll go and do my thing for my sister . I only hope I can control my emotions . I can 't exactly be broadcasting fear every time someone comes near me , touches me , invades my space … . crap . Jes comes back down the hall from the washroom and I tease her about falling in . She laughs and tells me it 's time I changed the lock on that door , that it tries to keep her in every single time . I tell her not to worry about that door , that I 'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow . That this place is too big for just me . My sisters , the loves that they are , offer to help and as we head out we discuss what I 'm looking for in a new place . Raven insists that this time I get a place with a pool . As we get into the car we 're laughing , it very nearly drowns out the screaming in my head . |
The typewriter stood silent . Black metal glittering in the harsh florescent light . Ivy stood mesmerized by the way the keys called to her . " Why does it have to stay in that display case , Daddy ? " she asked , turning to look at the man behind the desk . He looked up at her , his eyes resting on her wrinkled brow and sighed . " I 've told you before , Ivy . That typewriter means a lot to me . I started my career with that thing . " He glanced over at the display case , a frown tugging at the corner of his mouth . " I 've created our lives with that . Everything I have , I owe to that hunk of metal . I don 't know what I would do if something happened to it . " Her father nodded . " In a lot of ways , it did , pumpkin . I would never have found the courage to share my words with the world if it hadn 't been for that thing . " Ivy eyed the typewriter with awe . " I want to be like you , Daddy . I want to share my words with the world too . " She turned and looked at her father , putting on her best pout . " Maybe it can give me courage . Please , Daddy ? Please ? " He shook his head as he closed the laptop and stood up . " You don 't need that relic to be a writer , Ivy . You can use the computer downstairs . " He walked around the desk and wrapped an arm around his daughter . " And if you decide you really like writing , I 'll buy you a laptop of your own . " Ivy tiptoed silently down the hall , taking the cold doorknob in her hand . Glancing around her , she opened her father 's office door , quickly slipping in . Reaching blindly , her fingers collided with the plastic switch and the room was bathed in the fluorescent light once again . She looked around the room , her eyes instantly falling on the display case . All evening her mind kept wandering back to the archaic machine . She had no clue why it fascinated her so much . All she could think of was how wonderful her words would look on a sheet of paper from that typewriter . She slipped across the room to where the display case rested on a table against the far wall . Her hands slid along the glass as she peered adoringly inside . She wanted to be a real writer like her father . If this was what started his career , it could start hers as well . Ivy carefully lifted the glass box from the typewriter , setting it to the side . Holding her breath in awe , she brushed her fingers over the sparkly black keys . How exquisite it was compared to the boring , everyday computers which filled the world . She could see herself writing the next great novel with this machine . This was the romance of being an author . She looked down at the paper still in the paper guide . Curiously , she pried up the paper release and pulled the paper towards her , taking in the typed words . It must be the last thing her father wrote on it . Her eyes fluttered over it , her lips turning down in a frown as she read it . I will be a famous writer . I will have a wonderful wife and a beautiful daughter named , Ivy . They will both love me very much . I will be happy and have everything I ever wanted . My life will be good . Ivy stared at the words . Why would her father leave something like this in the typewriter ? Her eyes drifted over the words again , when suddenly they began to fade . Lighter and lighter the ink became until it disappeared completely . She gasped in shock , letting the paper fall to the floor . She looked around her nervously . How had that happened ? Words didn 't disappear like that . She stepped back , away from the display case . Something wasn 't right with that typewriter . She shook her head as tears formed in her eyes . How could she have known ? Things like that weren 't possible . She wanted to scream , to cry out how sorry she was , but she stayed silent as she watched herself fade from reality . The mist hung heavily on the field as the spectators watched from the stands . Sarah pulled her jacket tighter and sighed . Her school was losing to the visiting team . What a way to ruin Homecoming . " No , we promised Joe we 'd be here for him . " She frowned down at the players on the field . " After all , his team is getting slaughtered . " Sarah let her gaze drift back to the field . She watched as a blanket of fog rolled in , settling over the field . No one could see what was happening down there now . Body parts covered the field . Some of her brother 's team was on their hands and knees , feasting on the remains . Others left the field , making their way into the stands , drooling with anticipation . Joe made his way up the stairs . His eyes were glazed over and blood dripped from his mouth . " You , " he moaned as he pointed at them . " You laughed at us . " He nodded , pulling a chair out from the table . He sat down slowly , his muscles burning from the strain . " I don 't feel well , Mary . I was up all night . " " No , " he said , shrugging off her hand . " I have that meeting . I have to go . " He stood up , giving his wife a week smile . " I 'll see you later . " He turned to see his boss standing in the doorway . " Yeah , Carl . I 'm not feeling well , " he told him , scooping up his briefcase and keys . " I think I 'm going to head home . " " Please , " he said , placing a hand on Tim 's arm . " Do this for me . Give me twenty minutes and then you can go . Hell , you can even have tomorrow off . Just don 't bail on me now , okay ? " A smile spread across Carl 's face . " Thanks , pal . I owe you , " he said , relieved as he turned and walked down the hall . Tim followed him into the conference room and took a seat . The pain had dwindled into a dull ache and the slithering sensation was gone . Maybe he could wait 20 minutes . Other people started to trickle in and the meeting got under way . Tim sat there listening to the others as he tried not to focus on his stomach . He knew whatever it was ; it was nowhere as bad as what his imagination was trying to tell him . The meeting was the only thing that mattered at the moment . He took a deep breath and looked around the room . " Well , I believe we 're looking good on it . The figures are close to what we projected and I don 't think … . " His words cut off as another spasm rocked his abdomen . His hand flew to his mouth as he tried to catch his breath . Tim 's body relaxed and he could breathe once more . He brought his hand away from his mouth and gasped in horror . His palm was covered in blood . He sat on the bathroom floor of his house , a bottle of water in his hands . He 'd cleaned up and the pain was back down to a slight ache . He was waiting for Mary to come home from work . She would know what to do . She always did . He fell backwards as pain seized control of his body . It twisted and danced on its own as if he was in some deep stage of a seizure . His limbs flailed around him , contorting in ways that seemed humanly impossible . He let her help him to his feet and looked down at himself . He looked okay . Nothing was bent in some unnatural way . " I … think so . " She pulled the covers around him as she felt his forehead . " You 're burning up . I 'll get you a cold wash cloth . " She leaned down and kissed his forehead . " Don 't worry . Just sleep , my love . " " Okay , " Tim muttered . Maybe everything in the bathroom was only a fever dream . He 'd sleep for a day and then be back to his old self . She shook her head . " Nothing , " she told him , heading for the door . " I must be coming down with a fever too . " She let out a little laugh as she went through the door . " For a second , I could have sworn there was a pair of red eyes looking at me from the back of your throat . " Tim awoke to a light pain in his stomach . He looked around at the darkness in the room . Faintly , he could see Mary asleep in the bed next to him . He didn 't want to wake her over nothing . Tim clawed frantically at it with his other hand , but it was useless . He lost control and found himself lying on the kitchen floor , his body contorting uncontrollably as the pain tore through him . His organs jerked against his skin . Something caught in Tim 's throat . It felt as solid as a cement block . He couldn 't breathe . Whatever it was , it was going to kill him . His vision swam before him as the lack of oxygen reached his brain . Darkness crept in from the edge of his vision . He was going to pass out and die in a puddle of his own vomit . A soft popping sound came from inside his throat causing him to breathe again . He sucked in air even as the thing crawled higher . As it did , it triggered his gag reflex . He vomited out a squishy pink mass of flesh . He didn 't care what it was as long as it was out of him . Air slipped back in his lungs as he realized he was pain free , but as he lay on the cool kitchen floor , he realized he felt empty . His insides felt as hollow as a jack - o ' - lantern 's , scooped out and tossed aside . It tilted its head as it knelt in front of him . " I am the future and we are more common than you think , " it said , eyes flashing red . Slowly it smiled , showing jagged teeth . " Now , I must feed . " I sit and watch you . You are beauty personified . The way your brow creases when you 're concentrating . The way you throw your head back when you laugh . The way you smile , genuine and pure , like the heart of a newborn . I adore these things and more . There is so much to you . So much that other people can 't even see . I do . I see it all and I can 't get enough . The way you make me feel is exhilarating . I feel I could do anything because you exist in the world . You are all I think about . Day . Night . It 's always you . You are my everything . I breathe because you breathe . My heart beats only to sync with yours . I am your slave , chained to you by these unseen ropes of devotion . I watch you at work . I watch you with your friends and family . I watch you out in public . The times I can 't watch you I ache so deeply I think my soul might rip in two . My eyes were meant to take you in ; it 's pure torment when they can 't do what they were created for . I stand in your room at night , watching you sleep . I hear the soft sounds of breath your body takes in while you dream , and it makes my knees weak . The feel of your skin excites me to no end . These stolen moments , when I am this close , is pure paradise to me . I long to climb into bed and put my arms around you , holding you until the morning light comes , but I never do . I know it 's not time . I 'm not ready to risk my heart . I have been hurt before . That 's what has made me so cautious . There have been others I 've wanted . They didn 't understand what I felt for them . They couldn 't see what I had to offer . We could have been perfection . They were blind , so bad things happened . I don 't want that to happen with you . It would hurt too much to do the bad things to you . You are my everything . My whole life has become you . I know I don 't have to worry about that . I can see who you are inside . You 'll know true love when you see it . You won 't be blind like the others . I 'm sure of that because you are perfection . I know I can trust you with my heart . Joy Westcott stood at the window . Streaks of light danced across the sky , heralding in a dark bank of clouds . She shivered as the first rain drops struck the glass . They beat out a hypnotic rhythm , lulling her into false tranquility . She breathed ; condensation coating the glass where her foggy exhale touched it . Stepping back , she checked the thermostat on the wall . 70 degrees and holding . She tapped at it , convinced it was broken . Thunder boomed overhead and the floor shook , quivering like a frightened child . She glanced around as confusion fogged her mind . When did the ground ever react to the sky ? The tremor grew stronger , then stopped , falling silent before the storm . The lights flickered , then went out as another rumble split the sky . She glanced at the emergency candles glowing in the gloom . Thank goodness , she 'd thought ahead . Tonight wasn 't a night to be in the dark . It wasn 't safe . But , as she watched the clouds drawing closer , she realized it was true . A prophetic shudder crept up her shoulders . It weighed upon her as much as anything alive would . It might be the last night of her life . It might also be the end of every life in the world . She pressed her face closer to the glass . Lightning flared , turning the large bay window into a mirror . Immediately her eyes moved to the reflected candlelight burning behind her . In that instant , a figure moved , blocking one of the candles from view . Joy gasped as the lightning died , once again gazing out onto her neighborhood . Fear flooded through her , fast and hard , cementing her to that spot . Something was behind her . That was absurd . She was alone . All the doors were locked . There couldn 't be anyone behind her . Yet … she knew there was . She 'd seen it move . A jagged gasp emitted from her throat as a slithering occurred behind her . She wanted to turn , to see what lay in wait for her , but fear held her body tight . It constricted around her as real as any solid bands . She was helpless , nothing more than prey for whatever lurked behind . Hearing a sharp hiss of breath , the room filled with darkness . A scream ripped from Joy 's throat , terror crushing the sound into nothing more than a gurgle . This was it . She was going to die and she wouldn 't even see it coming . Her mind raced . Why her ? Why now ? If her life was going to end tonight , shouldn 't she at least be given that much ? The slithering sounded again , moving closer . " Yes , " a voice answered , barely more human than a garbage disposal . " After all , it is my birthday . " Joy cringed at its choice of words . Something had been born into the world . Something dark and sinister . Something that shouldn 't be . " What are you ? " she asked . I turned , looking around me . I was alone . No one else occupied the dark street . It had been like that for the last week . Ever since that day . People say when you have a near death experience you come back with something . I always thought that was absurd . How could your body gain anything as your cells shut down one by one ? If anything , you should come back with less than what you had to start with . Death is a decaying process . It strips you down until there 's nothing left but dust and bones . No more than nutrients for the ground below . It doesn 't add layers . It doesn 't bestow anything . It didn 't matter where I went . They were right . They 'd always find me . I was the flame to those voices , they fluttered around me , drawn for reasons I will never understand . When I died , I wasn 't given anything . Instead , I had things taken from me . My life , my sanity , taken from me in a blink of an eye . I wasn 't given any special gifts . She pulled her fingernails off one by one , the flesh tearing as she pried them loose . She flicked them into the empty ashtray as she went . They clicked against the glass , hard , before setting at the bottom . The sound cut through the silence that hung heavily in the cheap motel room . Her heart broke as she stared at the black painted pieces in the ashtray . They were no longer a part of her . It wasn 't fair ; she had given up everything for him . She sighed as she ripped the last nail free . She was doing the right thing . They couldn 't find his blood under her nails if she didn 't have them anymore . Lucy rolled her eyes . They were in high school . They were too old for name calling . " Why don 't Shawn and Beth have to do it ? " she asked , motioning to the other side of the field . Two more of their friends stood there , their flashlight beams bouncing around the grass . " This is dumb , " Lucy said , her heart hammering away in her chest . " Everybody in the neighborhood plays in this field . There 's nothing out here but weeds and trash . " She did know . People walked through the field all the time . Kids spent long summer hours on their own out here , yet the field had a strange vibe to it . Something was off . That never left anyone 's mind as they used the place . Kyle nodded . " As long as you don 't look back you 'll be fine . That 's all there is to it . It 's a piece of cake . " Her eyes drifted back to the field , trying to see through the darkness coating it like a blanket . Anything could be out there . How could she be brave when anything could happen ? " Oh , please , " Lisa said , pushing past her . " I 'll go first . I don 't want to wait all night for a scared , little baby to take her first step . " She looked Lucy dead in the eyes . " You need to grow up if you want to continue to hang out with us . We don 't socialize with losers . " With that she stepped onto the path , her flashlight beam sweeping back and forth with each determined step . Lucy watched , her breath caught in her throat . How could anyone think this was a good idea ? The night paused , like a thousand eyes fixed on them , waiting for one wrong step . Lucy glared at him , but held her tongue . What happened to her friends ? They use to be fun . Now all they did was put her down . " Fine . I 'll go next , " he said , rolling his eyes . " Maybe once you 're left all alone you 'll be more eager to cross . " He stepped into the field . " See you on the other side . " Lucy watched him go , dread building with every step he took away from her . Why were they so eager to humiliate her ? Was this the only excuse they could find to ditch her ? She knew she would never be one of the cool kids . She was too unsure of everything . She didn 't have the confidence the others had . Well , no way . If they wanted to stop being friends they 'd have to tell her to her face . She wouldn 't let them use her fear of the field as an excuse . She took one step into the field and then another . She could imagine the look on her friends ' faces as she drew near . She refused to hand them a excuse for destroying their friendship . Let them be the bad guys . Lucy 's eyes locked onto the flashlights in front of her . She didn 't know what was behind her but she refused to turn around . Kyle said she 'd be fine if she didn 't look back . She didn 't know if they 'd been teasing her or not , but she didn 't dare risk it . It wasn 't like the field was a normal place . She had half a mind to turn around and leave them where they stood . Who needed friends like these ? She certainly didn 't . She could make new friends . Friends who didn 't treat her like dirt . " We 'll leave you here , Lucy , " Lisa snapped . " Is that what you want ? Take a few more steps to prove yourself or we 'll leave you alone like the baby you are . " Terror wrapped around Lucy as the footsteps stopped behind her . Something was there and her friends weren 't going to do anything about it . She tried to take a step forward but fear turned her legs to cement . Black eyes stared out of a twisted white face as the creature who touched her drew its hand back . Its body was nothing more than shriveled flesh under the black leather it wore . It towered over her as it grinned down with a blood red slash full of teeth . A smile spread across Lucy 's lips as she felt her sanity slip away . She dropped to her knees , staring up at the monstrosity . " Hello , friend . " Have you ever seen an old rope swing hanging from one lonely tree ? It hangs there , swaying slightly in the breeze . Its seat covered with dead petals and leaves and you know it hasn 't been used in years . It 's a sad sight and sometimes you think they should just take it down . Along time ago , every patch of woods had a tree that stood away from the rest . It was called an Imp Wood . That tree was feared because of the strange things that happened nearby it . It wasn 't like the tree could be avoided . Imp Woods were always within sight distance from the dwellings . You could look out the window and see it , mocking you with its ominous presence . Rope swings went up all around the world and Imp Woods lost their Darkness . You could still feel a presence , but the danger was gone . Whatever inhabited the trees seemed pacified by the swings . Cities formed and the trees were cut down to make room for the urban developments . Imp Woods became forgotten . They were nothing more than folk tales handed down through the generations . Their Darkness was no longer relevant to society . Slowly , people began planting trees . These trees were placed here and there , any where people thought they might look good . They were no longer part of a forest or grove , they were only trees standing alone . Death , violence , and disappearances run rampant through our cities . We shudder and weep because of it , but we have no idea that it 's our own fault . We 've forgotten to make our offerings . I sneezed yesterday . It wasn 't particularly loud or long . It was just a normal something - tickling - your - nose sneeze . I guess I wasn 't paying attention or something , because I forgot to close one eye . I know you 're saying that 's not possible . Our bodies automatically close our eyes when we sneeze . Well , something went wrong . One of my eyes didn 't close . I didn 't do it on purpose . It was an accident . I was just going along , minding my own business , when I sneezed , and my right eye stayed open . I ran to my mother , to tell her what happened , but she took one look at me and screamed . My eyeball was bight red . She said it looked like I was staring at her through a pool of blood . He told her I was fine . He said I burst the blood vessels in my eye , but that wasn 't anything to worry about . The blood would go away on its own . As for the blurriness , I 'd strained the eye and it needed to rest . He taped a gauze pad over that eye and told me to wear it for a week . With rest , my eye would be as good as new . Better even . Everything was fine during that week . There was no pain and my mother kept me home from school . I got all the TV and ice cream I wanted . It was like a mini summer vacation . Then my week was over . It was time to remove the gauze . At first my vision was still a little blurry . I couldn 't make out anything I was seeing with that eye . After a few days , the blurriness went away and my vision was as good as before . Everything looked different with that eye . I could close my right eye and see things like I always did . A lamp . A vase . If I looked at it with my right eye open and left eye closed , it would be different . A burnt lamp . A shattered vase . Nothing was the same . Things got worse the more I looked . I saw my brother 's bloated corpse floating in the hallway when I knew he was standing there , alive and talking . I saw my cat , Tigger , hanging from a tree from his own entrails even though he was only climbing it . I tried to make her understand . I wasn 't disabled with the gauze on . I was better . If I didn 't look through the eye , I wouldn 't have to see what really was . Everything I 've seen is real on a different level than we know . It 's waiting for us there . I 'm sure of this . I don 't know why my messed up eye can see it , but it does . Mom doesn 't believe me . She hopes that I 'm looking for attention , but deep down she 's worried the sneeze gave me brain damage . I wish that was the case . I 'd be able to sleep at night . I 'm hiding in my room , the gauze on my eye , and the lights off . Monsters lurk in the world behind the world . If I can 't see anything , I won 't have to know what 's out there . My parents are deciding what to do with me . They want me see someone . I don 't want to see anyone . I 'd rather not tell them what I see lurking over everyone 's shoulder . My TweetsError : Twitter did not respond . Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page . NetworkedBlogsBlog : Ramblings from a Word WeaverTopics : writing , flash fiction , life Follow my blog WriteOn AwardAwarded by Koreen Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I wrote a blog about how I took Lisa to get an MRI last week . Many people have asked if she 's alright . They read my blog and were interested in how she 's doing . She got the report back from the doctor yesterday that the MRI came out normal , meaning they couldn 't find anything wrong . Except , to say that she might be having seizures . Well , that doesn 't sound good ! I don 't know what they consider normal , but I don 't think that is . I 'm not going to get upset yet . I 'm glad they are looking into it , to see if there 's more to this . I just wrote a blog on Digital Photo Frames . This is not a paid blog , but I want you to know that I really do love all the new technology today . It think it 's fascinating ! I also love being paid to blog . Not just because I make money , but because I learn so much . I can 't tell you how many new sites I know about now - simple because I 'm constantly surfing the web and learning about what I 'm blogging about . I 'm about to learn more . . . My pizza recipe didn 't turn out as good as I hoped it would . It would have been better if I 'd had the time I needed to knead . No not a play on words . Mike and I were going to a band concert in an hour and I didn 't take the time I should have to knead the dough , and I didn 't let it rise long enough either . I 'll try it again and this time make sure I have time and not be rushed and then see if it turns out better . There were two other problems with it . I had pepperoni and green olives on it , which was probably a little too salty for me . I also put on just a little mozzarella cheese . I shouldn 't have done that . My left ear that is already pretty deaf , went even more deaf . It is only a temporary condition and my hearing returned the next day . Not completely though . The foods I can 't tolerate have caused permanent deafness , and meiner 's disease . So I always hear 80 decibels below normal . I wasn 't sure if it was the cheese or the salt that caused the problem . Last night I finished the other two pieces and I took off the pepperoni , which had the cheese on it . I didn 't go deaf last night . I sure had heartburn though . I 'm not sure I should be trying to eat pizza . It tasted good for a change though . Oh , my , pppplease don 't tell Sharon and Dale that Mike and I used our new car as a truck ! ! ! We went to our neighbor 's home last evening , and put the bench that previously sat in front of our home into the back seat , and also put a moving dolly in the trunk . We left these items at our neighbor 's because we couldn 't fit anymore in the Budget truck when we moved last fall . Then to add insult to injury we went to George and Nancy 's and loaded the whole car with lots of stuff they were giving to the Rescue Mission . It 's okay ! We were prepared for this move and brought with us blankets to make sure the bench wouldn 't scratch anything on the car . So there was no injury to the car what - so - ever ! Actually , Mike and I would have been the ones upset if we had done even the tiniest little bit if damage ! Not anyone else . I 'm about to make my own homemade pizza . I bet you 're thinking , " I 've made my own pizza many times . " Mike is just leaving for the store to buy me a pizza pan . I have two in Arizona and none here . He 's also going to buy the toppings I want on my pizza and then when he gets home , I 'm going to make my first pizza from the gluten - free mix I bought at The Good Earth . Also there , I bought special pizza sauce without any wheat or other ingredients I can 't have . I can 't have cheese on it though . Oh , I just heard the biggest groan I 've ever heard over the web ! I know , that 's terrible ! I think it will be a treat for me anyway , in spite that I can 't have Ogden , Utah 's Tony 's pizza which is my favorite ! PS . It was terrible ! But I was lucky to find pre - made pizza crusts at my favorite natural food store in Ogden , Utah called " The Good Earth . " Maybe you 've read my blogs about my health problems and how I can 't digest my food with taking extra enzymes . My children have cystic fibrosis and I am a carrier . Just because I don 't have cf myself , doesn 't mean I am not affected by it . I am ! Dr . Zone put me on a new enzyme a few days ago . He decided to use the same one they use at the cf clinic not far from his office in the U of U hospital in Salt Lake City . I have taken enzymes to digest my food for years . But , I can tell a difference with this new enzyme . It really is helping me . I am so grateful ! I don 't think I 'll be able to eat wheat , milk , or sugar ever again though . It would be nice to believe that these enzymes would be the answer to that problem . But , I don 't dare try those foods to see if I can tolerate eat them . I just get too sick . I will give it time . Lots of time , and then maybe I 'll give it a try . PS . The enzymes are working great ! I 'm so glad I brought the need to the doctor ' attention . We all love television , don 't we ? I end up watching too much news ! ! ! And soon realize I am stressed ! Then I need a news fast , but I 'm a news junkie ! Mike on the other hand watches calming TV shows , like I love Lucy , My Three Sons , and Bonanza . I 'm glad he watches these shows , it gives him a chance to relax and take a nap . That 's what these shows are best for - is putting you to sleep . Mike can fall asleep in his chair watching TV faster than anyone I know . I 'm jealous ! I can 't fall asleep to the TV . Nor can I take naps ! I wish I could . A quick nap is rejuvenating . And we all need that ! By the way , have any of you watched those old Western TV shows like Bonanza ? I swear , while Mike is watching I Love Lucy , there is nothing but laughter in our home . But when Bonanza or other old westerns are on , and don 't get me wrong , I love these old shows , but the people on these shows are soooooo angry ! I hadn 't noticed that when I was young , but I sure notice it now . After dinner last night , Mike and I went to Clinton and had a lovely evening visiting a few of our good friends in our Shady Grove Subdivision . Pete was shocked when he opened the door and saw us . He thought we were still in Arizona . He knew when we left - that the plan was that we would back to Utah in the spring , but because he hadn 't seen us - he still had us mentally in AJ , AZ . , ( Apache Junction , Arizona . ) This was our fourth attempt to visit Pete . We got caught up on his life , and he ours . He looks great ! A year or so ago , he hurt his knee and leg while hiking . I think it was a simple thing where he came off a huge boulder wrong and tore up his knee . There was more than one incident that caused the damage . He had surgery and was off his leg for quite a while . Now he has lost a lot of weight , knee is healed and healthy , and though he retired last fall with Mike , he took on a new job , installing sprinkling systems . It was wonderful getting caught up . After we left Pete 's house - we went to see Carolyn and Dubby who live around the corner from Pete . Dubby and Carolyn have been good friends of ours for years . They lived less than an a mile from us in Sunset where we both lived for 30 years or so . I 've known them since the sixties , and became acquainted at family reunions , since Dubby ( Walter ) is first cousin with my former husband Ken . We had fun visiting . but were actually there to get our bench that previously sat in front of our Clinton home which is across the street from Dubby and Carolyn . We left a few items at their home because our Budget truck was filled to the max when we moved . We also left a deer that sat under the Mimosa tree , and also a moving dolly . We got the deer last month , but needed something larger than our Prizm to get the other two items . Our new car was just the ticket . Its large , and the trunk is huge . Mike and Dubby were doubtful that the bench would fit in the trunk . I was sure it would ! I was wrong . The guys carried the bench back to the patio , while Carolyn and I stood at the car and continuePosted by I don 't have a life outside this computer ! All I do is blog all day ! Well , I do genealogy on it too , so I do good things as well . Well , bloggin is good too ! Ok ! So I 'm playing spider ! Well , I do that sometimes too . This is at our Clinton HomeIn the meantime , I need to get off this computer and go clean my bathroom , make the bed , do the dishes ( there 's only a few to do . ) Basically , I need to get off this seat and go clean house . This is in Arizona We don 't have any pictures of our horses , " Smokey " and " Red . " These pictures are very close to what they looked like . I mentioned a few things about Smokey our horse in a my pet blog earlier today , and now want to tell of a time that Jeri at age 8 or so was riding Smokey in the field across from our home , when along came Kent Draper riding his horse and challenged her to a race . He was the boy I mentioned in the Pet blog who was trying to race us when Jeri and I were on Smokey and she nearly fell off . He stopped when I yelled at him . I was in the saddle and Jeri was bareback , sitting behind me . We would have both been on the ground if had been on bareback ! I was only able to save her because I had something stable to hang on to . Jeri and Kent are now racing across the field when suddenly Smokey who was ahead came upon a ditch and a fence . No problem , he wasn 't about to lose because of such a small impediment . Smokey and Jeri sailed across both and Jeri won the race . I can 't remember how she got back in the right field however . You should have seen our parents around the dinner table that night as we recalled the events of the day . My mother still had the worried look around her eyes and my dad was beaming , and grinning from ear to ear ! No , it 's not a new movie , we 're talking about my doctor . He is trying to find the reason I can 't eat certain foods without having symptoms like : vertigo , asthma , diarrhea , itching , headaches , patekei , and deafness . Patekei , spelled phonetically , since I can 't spell it at the moment , and it has several different spelling anyway , is a skin problem , where the blood vessels burst , and leaves red itchy bumps on the body . The deafness is a real problem . And has become permanent deafness . I have to wear a hearing aid , because my left ear hears 80 decibels below normal , and my right ear is 40 below . I have meiners disease , which includes ringing of the ears . Mine can be more of a roar ! Vertigo goes along with this disease . Which used to be a terrible problem . I have had it under control for years , but recently it has returned , on a moderate level . In fact , so moderate that it only lasts a few minutes now . I saw my heart doctor two days ago as a follow - up from my hospital visit . He took another blood test yesterday to make sure my potassium levels are up . They are still low , and I have to increase the dosage . This might be the reason I 've been having vertigo . I don 't think vertigo is a mystery . I think anything that is out of whack in our bodies can be enough to throw things off to create vertigo . During my hospital stay Dr . MacKenzie ( heart Dr . ) said that my potassium was dangerously low . 3 . 5 which is the bottom of the chart . Normal should be between 3 . 5 and 4 , but closer to 4 . My level was 3 . 3 . It took eight hours to bring it back to normal , and for my heart to quit racing . Back to Dr . Zone . Three weeks ago he did a skin biopsy , and a $ 2000 blood test , and as usual , nothing showed up . As is always usual ! ! ! This is the last of many of the tests I 've now taken . I 'm through looking ! As one of my other doctors said , " it doesn 't matter what we call it , the fact is you can 't eat these foods without experiencing problems , so you will just have to live on the diet of foods that your body wants you to eat . " He 's absolutely right ! And thatPosted by I used to be such a clean freak ! And now I just sit at this computer and write blogs and paid posts all day long . My house is going to the dogs ! Oh , it 's not really dirty , just not as well kept as it used to be . If I 'm not blogging , I 'm on the computer doing genealogy . I spend hours at it . Genealogy is addictive ! Two weeks ago I lost 4500 people from my PAF program . I had a backup disc , Thank Heavens . But it only restored the names to 12 , 300 . I had 14 , 000 when it crashed . Luckily , I have the information , so I don 't have to do the research all over again . I have been typing for the past week or more and the number is now up to 13 , 124 . I have less than 900 names to type . I wouldn 't have this trouble if I would learn to back up my work more often . But even after this last ordeal , I 've only backed the file up twice . I 've worked hard at it this morning . I will back it up as soon as I 've finished this . I don 't want another problem losing names again . I watch too much news ! I watch many different cable news channels and I want to e - mail all of them and give them a piece of my mind and wisdom . I wish people would use good common sense ! I don 't know how they get so off the track . At least it seems to me they are off the track . This immigration bill stinks ! I usually support President Bush , but I haven 't been able to get behind him on this bill . I was really against building the wall . It would need to be 3000 miles long , for Heaven 's Sake ! But , after this bill came out , I decided I would like them to just finish what they already started and build a wall . Just start the wall in the worst places and move from there . The immigration bill I like is Bill O ' Reilly 's . Just go to Fox News and Bill 's site , and you can read it . It 's only one page long , not 800 pages long ! We moved to Arizona and now our good friends George and Nancy who lived by us in Clinton , and in Apache Junction have just sold their home in Clinton . They plan to live in Arizona year - round . We will miss them during the months we are in Utah , but we are excited for them . They plan to sell their 400 sq . ft . park model and build a nice home . There are so many beautiful homes in Arizona and they hope to build in the same development as our other friends Tony and ( Charlie ) Charlene . We all have a good time together in Arizona , and did have a great time in Clinton . We 've only seen Charlie once since we 've been back . We were driving to their home when we saw her a block away , headed for Walmart . We talked for a while , and haven 't had a chance to visit her or Tony for real . We 've seen George and Nancy a few times , one being today , when they came to see our condo in Ogden . We had a very nice visit , and I will truly miss not being around them in both states ! While visiting Rexburg , one of the things we especially wanted to see was the Temple . Our son Mike is the head engineer there , and only lives 5 to 7 miles away from it . He took us to the site , and if we hadn 't had the children with us , we could have gone inside . Mike explained the fundamentals of what he 's doing on his job , and showed us by the outside what is inside . The Temple isn 't finished inside yet . Part of the landscaping has been done , and Mike showed us where they plan to do more landscaping this week . The Temple sits high on a hill , and you can see it from just about anywhere in the valley . It shows very nicely from the freeway . We drove around the campus of BYU - Idaho . I 've never been there before . The only time I 've been in Rexburg is when we have driven from Jackson Hole , Wyoming , to head back home to Utah . You don 't see much of the city doing that . Ben and his kiteAndrew didn 't want a kite , although Mike bought lots of them , so he could have flown one . But , he spent the entire time running from kite to kite when one came to the ground to get it back into the air again . I was really impressed how he was taking care of his younger siblings . At first the wind was so strong that we had a hard time keeping the kites in the air , and Katie 's would hit the ground and she would yell , " Andrew " and he would run over and get it back into the air again . It wasn 't but a minute and you would hear , " Andrew " again . He ran back and forth between Katie and Ben 's kites and never complained . This went on for most of the day . Of course , their kites stayed in the air longer after the first half hour , but that was Andrew 's job the whole day , either getting the kites in the air , or getting them out of the tall Poplar trees that divide their yard from the neighbor 's yard . And , then there was the time that Katie 's kite flew away into the same neighbor 's home and Andrew spent at least 20 minutes getting it out of the tree . Sunday morning found Katie right back out there flying her kite again . This time without any help . Ben joined her but he didn 't feel well enough to stay out there he had a tummy ache , and later so did I . We intended to go to church with them , but I was feeling too ill . Mike and I left to come home when they left for church . We had a wonderful visit and plan to return the third week in August for a family reunion . Nick 's kite now hangs in his room . Katie 's kite was a pink Eagle . It was beautiful and she named it Peggy . I thought that was pretty neat ! It really looked cool in the air , and flew well once the wind died down a little . We were having a difficult time flying our kites at first because there is always a wind or at least a good breeze in Rexburg Idaho . The wind was blowing too hard when we started , but it died down a little and we had a successful day flying our kites after that . Mike says that it blows like that everyday there . He 's only been there 6 weeks so I don 't know if he will see it change during the year , but I think he 's been told that this is normal . One good thing about it is there is no pollution in Rexburg , it gets blown out as fast as it gets there . These picture are of my niece 's husband Jimmy and their son Severin , flying kites in the Seattle area where they live . I have pictures of us flying our kites on the " The Boys Kites " and " Katie 's Kite " blogs . Saturday morning as we were driving around Rexburg and learning more about it , Mike ( son Mike ) noticed some girls flying kites , actually they weren 't having any luck when we saw them , I hope they got their kites in the air after we passed them . We stopped at WalMart and bought all the kids kites , and headed home to build them . What a ball we had ! We never could get Nick 's in the air . His was a jet plane , and you would think it would have been designed to fly , but after an hour of frustration , Mike told Nick he would buy him another one on Monday and they would try again . Mike hung Nick 's kite in his room , right over his bed . And it looks really cool ! In the meantime Ben and Katie got theirs in the air and I asked Katie to let Nick have some turns flying her kite . It wouldn 't be fair for him to watch the others and not be able to participate . He had a great time after that , until he asked what would happen if he let go the string . I told him that the wind would take it up and it would be gone forever . Well , the unthinkable happened and the wind caught the handle just right and swish ! It was gone ! He cried and screamed and I couldn 't console him . Katie and I were trying to tell him it was alright , but to no avail . Nick 's dad , Mike didn 't understand why he was crying and yelled at him to stop . He thought the two kids were fighting over the kite . Katie and I were able to convince him at that point that it hadn 't blown away too far and was just in the trees at the neighbor 's house . Andrew was getting it out , and within a half hour or so , the two were up and running again . We really did have fun flying kites ! It was a very successful afternoon activity , even though Mike was thinking it was a disaster because he couldn 't get Nick 's kite in the air more than a few seconds and it crashed again . I think he 'll be buying Nick a newPosted by Mike and Susan 's home is just beautiful ! They have a home on almost 2 acres that was previously owned by someone who knew a lot about landscaping . The yard is nicely landscaped , and Mike and Susan have put many of their farm equipment in the trees and flowers to help with the decor . We had a lot of fun wandering around the yard , and seeing the animals in the backyard . They were asked to speak in church last Sunday on Father 's Day , and Susan told how Mike and she had had chickens and ducks at their Farmington home and also their Syracuse home , and then she asked if anyone had any animals they wanted to give away . Mike couldn 't believe she said that ! And , before they even got out of their seat , the man sitting next to them asked if they wanted a duck . The gentleman ended up giving them a duck and two chickens . They are two small , wild , brown little chickens , both layers . Previously , Mike and Susan raised chickens to eat , but only want the eggs now . They don 't want a rooster because Mike finally has an opportunity to sleep until 7 : 30 in the morning rather than rising at 4 : 30 AM like he was doing in Utah to get to work at the Bountiful Temple . He works at the new Rexburg Temple and only lives 7 minutes away . He had to drive 20 minutes or more to get to the Bountiful Temple . Susan kept calling the duck a he when I first got there , and later said , " oh he just laid an egg . I was dumb enough ask , " a boy duck can lay an egg ? " She laughed and said , " he is obviously a she . " We are leaving in a few minutes for Idaho to stay the weekend with Mike , Susan and the kids , in their new home . They have two acres , a lovely home , and a hot tub ! I 'm sure we will have lots of fun . This is one of many small trips we plan to take this summer . We will go back to Idaho in August for a family reunion , and hope to see my friend Deanna in Salmon , Idaho as well . We are also planning to go back to Arizona to our other home in three weeks . It 's hotter than hades though . ( don 't know if hades is spelled right . Don 't even know if it 's really a word . but I bet you know what I mean . ) Must run . We 're leaving in a minute . Lisa is our youngest daughter . And for those who might be confused , she 's Mike 's youngest daughter who is mine by marriage . I took her to the clinic yesterday to have an MRI and she come out of there sick . She had a roaring headache that lasted several hours . She rested here for several hours and I think and hope that she slept a little . The doctor ordered the MRI because she has rapid eye movement and they want to know why . The nurse who did the MRI did a more thorough job than normal , and Lisa was in there much longer than the 20 minutes that she was told she would be there . It seemed more like 40 to us . The nurse also called in other technicians to have them look at what she was seeing . The extra time that was taken is what gave Lisa this horrible headache . She called late last night to say she was feeling better . Last night I got a call from my former daughter - in - law Ardis , in Seattle , and she said she was coming to visit and asked if I was back in Utah . She knows we spend the winter in Arizona and wanted to make sure we would be here during time she would be here . I said , " yes , for a minute . " She laughed and asked what that meant . I told her we are constantly traveling and have lots of plans this summer . In fact , we will be going someplace about every six weeks . I told her I hoped we would be here the days she was coming . It turned out that we will be in Idaho at family reunion . She said , " no problem , she has to travel through Idaho anyway , and would have a chance to visit with everyone . " I don 't really think it will be a conflict though , because the reunion dates have not been set in stone . It will be fun seeing her and Aubrey . We 're having an enjoyable summer ! This is a letter I would like to send to Hannity and Colmes if I find their e - mail address : Actually , it 's mostly aimed at Alan . Dear Alan , I wish you and the rest of the good Democrats of this nation would take back your Democratic Party ! My mother voted Democratic , my husbands family voted Democratic , but they would never vote Democratic today ! The party adopts everything people want to do . Like : Abortion . What a wicked thing to ask people to vote for . Yes , there are times that abortion is in order , rape , incest ( and by the way that 's the same time ) and the life of the mother . But , the Democrats fights for abortion as a form of birth control . Sure it 's the mother 's right to have or not have her baby . Don 't get pregnant unless you want a baby , or adopt it out . Seems simple to me . Abortion is a terrible and ugly thing . Why are you fighting for it ? How about same sex marriage . Why not leave that up to the people of each state to decide . Why does the Democratic Party have to get in there and fight , fight , fight , for things most people don 't want . Another gripe I have is that you defend Hillary for the same thing Romney did , but you call him a flip - flopper . She 's changed her mind about the war because she says she wasn 't given the correct information . I don 't think there 's anything wrong with that . I don 't think there 's anything wrong about re - thinking things and changing your mind . You are unfair when you criticise Romney because he changed his mind about abortion . He 's no different that Hillary in that respect . He re - thought things and changed his mind . I don 't think either Hillary or Romney are flip - floppers . I allow people to change their minds . I do that . You do that . Why don 't we allow politicians to do that . If they have a good reason , like I think both Hillary and Romney have , then I agree with your statement tonight on your show , " What 's wrong with that ? " A real gripe of mine is that both you and Sean will defend your parties when you shouldn 't be defending them ! Sometimes both parties or party members have been wronPosted by We finally heard from the Loan officer we are dealing with on this condo . The underwriter has been confused about how to complete this transaction . I told Gary two weeks ago that I understood her confusion , because she hasn 't received a purchase contract from us , and that need to get one to her . For some reason it 's taken him two weeks to figure out what I told him . He called an hour ago and I reiterated the same thing - that I 'm not surprised that she is confused . She needs a sales contract . . We have a signed contract and he needs to send it to the underwriter . I wish I had just taken the bull by the horns a month ago , and did this right . I 'm an a former Realtor and know how this works . Finally , I think we will be done with this within a week . Yeah ! I mentioned earlier that we bought a new car . We love It ! We were planning to go for a ride in it yesterday . Mike spent the day getting it taxed and licenced , washed and waxed . I think he 's going to take very good care of this car . It 's not the kind of car you eat in , or disrespect . In fact , it demands good respect . My new Relief Society President , ( new to me , not new to the job ) came over to meet me and we had a nice visit . We talked about taking the ride today , but I 've been working in genealogy , and blogging all morning . I haven 't even gotten dressed yet . No , I 'm not nekid . Not dressed for going out though . Our Prism is in the shop getting the emissions done etc . , and we finally got the horn fixed . It turned out to be a $ 100 job , which entailed fixing a loose wire . Boy , we could save so much money if we knew how to fix cars and other appliances . But , that 's wonderful news , because the mechanic told us last evening when we left the car that it could cost $ 600 . Yeah ! Now we are waiting to hear about our loan , and we are hoping for more good news . All the kids visited or called their Dad on his special day . Lisa had us over for dinner which was very delicious . She fixed salmon , shrimp scampi , rice pilaf , and I brought over fresh asparagus . JJ and Leah amaze me ! Their favorite meat is salmon . And both of them scarff it up ! They didn 't eat anything else on their plates , but the salmon was gone ! She made German Chocolate brownies for dessert . That I 'm sure were delicious . I wouldn 't know . I didn 't eat any . Darn it ! I wish I could . so far I am being very good ! Lisa was very sweet to try and prepare a meal that wouldn 't cause me any food problems . She did great , and we had a very nice time at her home . That evening , Chris , David , and Lydia came to visit . It was very enjoyable also . Nice day . Nice evening . The other kids came to visit on Saturday . So we had three nice days with the kids . Sharon and Dale bought a brand new , beautiful Chrysler in 2000 . Dale buys very nice cars and takes wonderful care of them and sells them when they reach 60 , 000 miles . He makes sure he gets a good deal when he buys them , and gives the next owner a good deal when they buy it . He 's such a nice guy that after the deal is done , he even gives the new owner $ 500 and tells them that this money is to help in case anything goes wrong in the next few months . That 's beyond the call and duty . This particular car was Sharon 's favorite car I think they 've ever owned ! She wouldn 't let it go , and he kept it a little longer than he usually does . Last year she called and told me they were selling the car and knew I was interested in buying it . They sold it to their son Chris instead who wanted it and of course was in line first to get it . Sharon called Friday to let us know that Chris was selling it and wanted to know if we were still interested . I told her yes , and that I would talk to Mike about it . The decision only took us a minute to make . We knew immediately that we wanted that car . We called her right back and when Chris knew a family member was going to buy the car he dropped the price another $ 500 . The car was listed originally for about $ 30 , 000 . I don 't know what Dale paid for it . He makes sure it gets good deals . He sold six years later it to Chris for $ 7 , 500 . I thought that was a steal . Dale said that it had depreciated , but also gave his son a good deal . A year later Chris is giving us a good deal by selling it to us for $ 5000 . Our Prism is a 1999 and has 131 , 000 miles , and doesn 't compare with this car in quality . The Chrysler is only a year newer but only has 86 , 000 miles and has been beautifully taken care of . Mike looked under the hood and it looks like it just came of the show - room floor ! The car is loaded ! It has seat warmers , and when you use your own key - less entry , it moves the seat and radio stations to your settings ! We are pickings it up today , and we are so excited it 's a wonder we could sleep ! This day is a full and fun day . My great - niece , Heather 's little girl Sarandon is having her fourth birthday party today . I haven 't bought her present today , and only have an hour to get ready , get a gift , and get over there . Heather has something very special planned for the party . Her invitation was so cute . The party 's called , " Under The Sea " and the kids will be visited by a very special Mermaid . I bet you know her name . Ariel will be there to the fun surprise of all the children . My daughter Cari is displaying her crafts at a craft fair all day at the Ogden Fairgrounds . She 's made lots of things to sell , and I hope she had really great success ! We will get there sometime today . I know it will be after the party , but we are also buying a car today , so I don 't know whether it will be before or after we go to Salt Lake City to pick up the car . We don 't have to car shop , it 's already picked out . Anyone who has grown up around Ogden , Utah knows Lorin Farr Park . Mike and I didn 't know each other as children , but we both swam in the pool at this park . And we both went to rodeo 's here . Mike grew up in Ogden , so he was at the park more often that I was . I had swimming lessens at Lagoon and Rainbow Gardens , which is just a mile east of Lorin Farr Park . My sister - in - law Sherri 's family is having a family reunion in Delta , Utah . She is one of 10 children , and they don 't all get together that often . John , Sherri , Daniel , Jenny , and Mercy , who will be one - year - old in August , drove from Gilbert Arizona to Delta , then John drove to Provo and spent the afternoon shopping and having lunch with his son Rob who 's attending BYU . He arrived at our house in time to go to dinner at Sizzler . We talked until 1 : 00 in the morning , which was really enjoyable ! He was exhausted since he had only had 2 hours sleep the night before , but we didn 't want to give the night up . He didn 't get that much sleep that night also , because we were up by 8 : 00 and to the airport by 10 : 00 to get Kristin who had flown in from Phoenix . We got her something to eat , picked up my brother Mike in Roy , went back to the mall in Layton , and bought Father 's Day Shirts at Penney 's , for John , Mike , and my Mike . We showed Mike and Kristin our condo , and all of us went to lunch in Ogden Canyon , at our favorite outdoor restaurant by the river , The Oaks . I ate salad as usual . They ate delicious sandwiches and Farr 's ice cream . We drove around Pineview Dam , and returned to the condo where Kristin took advantage of a nap since she had only had 3 hours of sleep also . At 6 : 00 PM we met at Lorin Farr Park and had Kentucky Fried Chicken and all the fixins , with our children and grandchildren , Heather and Kerry , and Chris and Sally . It was very nice getting together . The Park has a lot more to offer today than the swimming pool and rodeo stands that was there when I was a child . Now there is a great play ground for children , which all the grandchildren took advantage of . The poolPosted by Mike and I are a bit too relaxed ! I told my friend Connie that I am don 't feel I accomplish much now that Mike has retired . She agreed and said that when you retire you don 't accomplish as much . That depends on the person of course . Our friends Paul and Collene Reid accomplish a lot ! He is in the Presidency of the Ogden Temple , and they work hard . But they work hard no matter what their callings are . I do work hard on genealogy , and other good things , but I am more relaxed now . I used to take perfect care of my home , and I still like it clean , but I don 't worry about it as much as I used to do . We are just relaxed , and if we want to watch TV , that 's what we do . We always have a trip planned within four to six weeks of each other . I 'm sure everyone gets tired of hearing me complain about not feeling well . Well , I 've been doing well on my diet and I 'm feeling much better . I 've learned now that the smallest amount of foods I 'm allergic to are causing me problems . People say to me all the time that if I eat good most of the time that I will be able to have a few goodies once in a while . This thinking is what has gotten me into so much trouble . The fact is : the better I eat - the more my body demands that I keep doing that . I need to get back to Jeremy today and buy more supplements . Oh , I can tell that my health is improving . For the first time in my life - my fingernails are growing ! We have so much fun with our children ! I love talking to them , and doing things with them . I think kids make the world go around ! I was just talking to Kenny in Connecticut . I don 't get to see him very often , but he is wonderful to call almost everyday , and sometimes he 's called more than once a day . anyway , I just love talking to him . This week I talked to Cari . Talked to Mike and Susan . Visited with Kim , Kelsie , and Zak . The kids stayed with me while Kim went to the doctor . And of course , we had time to visit also . Friday night we got invited over to Lisa 's for their girls night out ! Mike thought that was special that he got to be part of the girls - night - out gang . They cooked and brought goodies from home . We were invited to eat , but it was already late and I hadn 't had lunch yet . So we ate at home , but partook of some goodies when we got there . Actually , Mike did . I didn 't dare have anything . We were able to spend time with some of our grandchildren at Lisa 's also . JJ , Quincy , and Travis were out - numbered by all the girls , but didn 't mind a bit . The girls night - out includes : Chris , Sherri , Amy , Lisa , and Heather , and all their children . The girls have 9 daughters between them . 10 if you count Chris 's step - daughter Hannah . The boys played outside while the girls played dress - up , put on shows , and jumped on the mini - trampoline in the living room . Family is great ! It 's what makes the world - go - round ! I messed up badly with my diet on the plane - ride home . They served us cookies and crackers and cheese and I ate them ! Stupid me . I am really going to pay for this ! After departing the plane , and standing outside the Salt Lake Airport , a gentleman struck up a conversation with us . He looked somewhat familiar but it was dark and he was sitting on his luggage in an even darker area . After we were all seated on the " Fly & Jet " bus , we noticed that our conversation had been with Rulon Gardner . He was on the same plane we had been on but we didn 't know it . We got home to Ogden about 10 : 00 . I have never had jet lag before , and I didn 't have it getting to Hawaii , but I had it now . Actually , I 'm not sure if it was jet - lag or I was sick because of what I ate . I know the high elevation is hard on me , and I couldn 't walk the whole day without pain in my legs . There was no reason to rush around and do anything though . I just rested and had to rest all day Thursday also , except we both had dentist appointments . I was so tired Wednesday and Thursday that I couldn 't even write blogs , and wasn 't interested in making any money either . I looked at all the opportunities that would make me money , but I just couldn 't take even one . I 'm still tired today which is Saturday . But , I am snapping out of it . Glad of that ! It will be nice to get back to normal . Mike and I thoroughly enjoyed walking around the beautiful grounds of the Hawaiian LDS Temple . There is a huge waterfall that flows into one pool after another . It seems like it goes on forever ! After walking through the gardens we went into the visitor center . We struck up quite the conversation with the missionaries there . And felt we had made new friends . The young sister missionary was from Idaho , and was fun to talk to . The missionary couple was from Utah . I can 't remember all we talked about , but , we talked for a long time . Sunday at 2 : 30 we met Mike 's sister 's Kathie and Eleanor at Brian and Steve 's grave site , less than a mile from us . After a while I mentioned to them that my grandparents were right across the street . They wandered over with me to Grandma and Grandpa Code 's resting place . I felt bad that we didn 't have flowers to put in there . I 'm the only one in the family left in this area that could do that . My cousin Dale lives in Ogden , but spends most of his time at his cabin near Mirror Lake . Kathie just happened to have an extra pot of flowers , and we put them there . We paid special attention to the gold cross next to the headstone that is a military honor stating that Grandpa Code served in both the Army and Navy , and served in the Cuba , Puerto Rico , and the Philippines . He is buried in the area reserved for our military . As we turned to walk back across the road I noticed someone who looked like Tom Lightfoot , our friend and previous Stake President . I said to Mike , " that looks like President Lightfoot . " Just as Mike turned to look , Tom turned his head and Mike couldn 't tell for sure , but almost instantly , we could tell that it was indeed Tom . We noticed that a woman was in the car with him , and also remembered that his wife of 40 + years had passed away last year . We also noticed immediately that our friend and neighbor Marlene Vigh getting out of the car . Long story shorter : they are engaged to be married two weeks from now . They had an invitation for us , but no address . It will be fun attending the reception , and seeing them and all our other friends . We 're very happy for them . They looked especially happy . Afterward , Kathie and Ellie came to see our condo , and we had nice visit . They left to go to Logan to visit graves of grandparents , and we met them at the Hyrum cemetery , as well as all our children . Lisa , JJ , and Leah , drove up with us . Chris and David are second cousins , once removed . David 's mother who is Ellie , Kathie , and Mike 's first cousin was there , along with her two daughters , and a few grandchildren . David 's motherPosted by We spent from 11 : 45 A . M . to 9 : 45 PM at the Polynesian Cultural Center , the sixth day of our Hawaii trip . It was a wonderful day ! In fact , it was a perfect day . It was just a little over - cast so that it wasn 't too hot , yet never was too cool . We went to all the shows . Samoa is my favorite . We took a canoe ride , and ate at the luau . The menu was similar to the one at the Hale Koa , except this one was buffet style so you could eat exactly what you wanted to eat . There 's no problems with getting enough food whether it 's a buffet or not . They give you lots of food . More than I can eat . They had too many desserts and I tried a little . I tried to just have a bite of each , but it was too much for my body . It won 't allow anything in the way of desserts . I paid for it later . Then we went to the show . It 's pretty amazing ! Especially at the end when Samoa does the fire - dance . They walk in fire , twill fire , and even put it in their mouths . Oh , my goodness ! I can 't even imagine doing that ! Bountiful TempleRexburg TempleOur son Mike has been one of the engineers at the Bountiful Temple for the past three years . He was asked when he hired on if he would be willing to transfer to another temple when the need arose . He told them yes . Well , the need has arisen , and Mike has been offered , and has accepted , the job as head engineer at the Rexburg Temple in Idaho . We 're very proud of him , and feel their family will be blessed . Idaho is a wonderful state to live in . Our neighbor in Arizona lives in Idaho during the warmer months , about 20 miles from where Mike and Susan will be living . He gave the school system a rave review Sunday while we were at church . Another advantage is that they will live in a smaller , country like community , where I 'm hoping will have less crime . I told Mike what Bishop Holton had said about less crime , and Mike said yep ! There was one bar in Rexburg , but it closed because no one went there . I love that ! They have almost acres , and can have horses if they choose , and lots of room to ride their fifth wheelers . All - in - all , I think they will love it there . Our little 7 year old grandson JJ just had an operation to remove his tonsils . He came through it much better than his mother did , when she had her tonsils out last year . She was miserable ! He did try to eat some fresh pineapple that the rest of us were eating . That was a mistake ! Lisa told him not to eat it , but left it up to him . He was a little miserable for a while . He and I played one of his computer games . We had lots of fun doing it . Mike asked me if I wanted him to come back and get me , because I wouldn 't quit . Something cute JJ said a few years ago is , " I 'm glad Aunt Jeri lives in our world . " He was trying to say that he was happy that Jeri lived close to them . They live in North Ogden and the rest of the family live 15 to 30 minutes away . |
The hallway outside the office was empty except for Maria . As head of the complaints department , she made sure of the privacy of her officers . Where she was standing , about two steps from the door , she could hear the sounds of spanking and a girl squealing inside . From the dozen officers that worked under her , only two knew about the activities that sometimes went on in that room , one of those girls was inside now . Sophie hadn 't done anything wrong of course . A young officer had used excessive force during an arrest and it was the complaints department 's job to make these things go away without too much fuss . Unable to contain her curiosity , Maria stepped towards the door and looked inside through the small window at the top . Sophie was bent over the desk naked from the waist down , her bright red bottom pointing at the door . The man whose complaint she was dealing with , was whipping her with her own belt . Maria winced as she heard the girl whimpering . She was glad it wasn 't her bending over that desk . Most complaints like this her girls could handle , only for something big did the head of the complaints department bend over herself . Maria felt she had changed a lot in the last month . She could still remember that first spanking while she was patrolling the streets . Funny how that had been a career - making move . As head of the complaints department , she had learned a lot about the task - force . Every rookie mistake , every inappropriate action was brought before her . Most of the time she managed to deal with it quietly . Tickets were shredded , files deleted , apologies written . The spankings were captain Reynolds ' idea ; she 'd gotten the first one herself when she was just a mere officer . It had been her own idea to include more girls wishing to earn a little extra . She had more ideas like that since working here . There was a surprisingly large demand for police - uniforms - people liked roleplaying - and an equally large supply of old uniforms she could give away . It wasn 't enough to stifle a complaint of course , but very few people did not appreciate a small gift after their complaint had been dealt with . The spankings were the most successful of course . The hardest part was deciding when the person filing a complaint would be interested in such an arrangement . The one she was looking at now hadn 't been hard . The man who had been whipping Sophie - he had now stopped , Sophie was standing in the corner - ran an online spanking blog . As the spanking seemed over , Maria knocked at the door and entered without waiting for a response . The man turned to look at her , Sophie didn 't move from her spot in the corner . " I hope everything has been satisfactory , Mr . Peeters ? " She asked . " I assume you 'll wish to drop your complaint then . " Maria said , it wasn 't a question . " The paperwork is in my office . Do you know the way ? " Sophia hesitantly left her spot in the corner . Tears had run down her cheeks , leaving tracks of her make - up . " Yes ma - am . " She said . Maria smiled at the girl . " Take your time to clean yourself up . After that you can take the rest of the day off . I 'll make sure that the paper - work gets filed and you receive your extra payment . I 'll see you again tomorrow . " By KC Perrin It had been a slow day at work for John . He 'd spent most of the morning rearranging his new office . John had made a promotion last week and the new private office was one of its perks . Before he 'd always shared a room with his colleagues . It wasn 't a big room , an old , large wooden desk dominated the setup , there was just enough room for some extra chairs and a coat - hanger beside the windows . John 's colleagues had come by earlier , congratulating him and teasing him about his new office . They worked just one door further down the hall , he could sometimes hear them laughing . He would probably miss their company , but he also enjoyed the privacy and quiet that went with having his own office . When another knock came at his door , he distractedly called them to come in . He was expecting his boss to come to discuss this week 's projects , like he did every Monday . John was surprised to see Linda entering his office . " I thought you were taking the day off ? " He asked his wife . Linda worked for a different company , two blocks away , but he thought she 'd be staying home today . " I just wanted to see your new office . " John 's wife told him . She walked around the desk and then pushed herself up to sit on its edge right beside him . She was wearing a very short skirt and playfully crossed her bare legs as she looked down at her husband sitting in the large office chair . John caught a glimpse of the white panties she wore underneath . John ignored the sudden pressure of his erection in his trousers . They 'd been married for several years now , but still the sight of his wife - her perfect hourglass figure , long smooth legs in sexy skirts and tight shirts hugging her firm breasts - could turn him on in seconds . " Well , what do you think ? " He asked , gesturing with his arm to indicate the room . " I don 't know . " Linda said . " I just can 't get this image out of my head about this dream I had last night . " She looked down at him her face in a frown , her lips in a mocking pout . " I dreamt you were cheating on me with your secretary in your new office . " She explained . John raised an eyebrow . " Honey , I would never cheat on you . " He said . Why would he ? He thought . Linda had a perfect body , a high sex drive and was very adventurous in and outside the bedroom . " Besides , I don 't even have a secretary . " " I know . " His wife replied . " But who knows what will happen if you earn more promotions . " She blushed . " I just keep thinking of all the things you did to her , they were all so … " She bit her lip , refusing to finish the sentence . John rolled his chair back a bit to have a better look at his wife . " What ? " He asked . " What kind of things did I do ? " He knew his wife well enough to know she wouldn 't be upset with him for something she 'd only dreamt about . In fact , it would be a lot more likely for Linda to get turned on by the things she 'd imagined him doing . When his wife scooted over to the middle of his desk , spreading her legs and showing off the white panties underneath her short skirt , John knew he was right . " You fucked her on your desk . " She said , leaning slightly back on her hands . " Right here in the middle of your office . " John stood up from his chair and put his arms around his wife . She sat on the edge of his desk and as he placed himself between her knees , his erection pushed against her . " Do you wish you had been in her place ? " He asked . " Did you want to be my secretary ? " John grunted as his wife reached for his trousers . " If I 'm going to be your boss , you 'll have to call me sir . " He said , trying to tease her . " Yes , sir . " His wife replied . She 'd nearly freed his erection from his boxers when a knock came at the door . They both froze . Linda 's skirt was up around her waist , her bare legs wrapped around John 's hips . After a second of hesitation she pushed him back and dropped on her knees in front of him . " What are you doing ? " John asked as she crawled beneath the desk . " John ! " His boss called enthusiastically as he entered . " Enjoying the new office ? " He placed a stack of papers on the desk as he sat down in one of the chairs on the other side . " It definitely has its advantages . " John replied . He was very aware of the fact that his pants stood wide open just beneath the desk and his wife was hiding beneath . It was strangely exhilarating . " I have quite a few new projects for you this week , John . " His boss said , just as John felt Linda 's hand reach for his crotch , stroking his erection hidden inside his boxers . " I 'm sure the new environment will help a lot . " John coughed to hide his surprise and looked down for half a second . His wife had meanwhile freed his penis and was stroking it softly , she looked up at him and winked when she noticed him looking down . " Maybe I can read the files and we can discuss them later ? " He asked his boss , desperately trying to hide his arousal . His boss moved the papers so they lay in front of him . " Well , actually , here are a few I wished to discuss more in - depth . " He said . " Unless you were too busy ? " Something wet and warm - Linda 's tongue - slid up his penis and John closed his eyes . " No , it 's fine . " He said . We can do it now . " His boss smiled and started his explanation of the first few projects they had planned . Meanwhile John could feel his wife take him inside her mouth . He felt the warmth of her lips around his shaft and her tongue playing with the tip . Linda did not make a noise , she quietly and expertly played with him : sucking and licking , teasing him while he desperately tried to pay attention to his boss and not show what was going on . He imagined this was his punishment for cheating on her in a dream . He was already planning on how to make her pay for this in return . My name is Erika . I 'm twenty - four years old and I 've been in a strong relation with another girl my age for over three years now . Her name is Sophie . Early on in our relationship we 've discovered each other 's interest in BDSM . We have experimented together , spending plenty of time across each other 's knees , just like the women in your videos . As things progressed , we started to fall into more specific roles , where I would more often be the one dominating , while my girlfriend would submit . My girlfriend is the one who showed me your video 's for the first time . Video 's in which such spankings aren 't just part of a sexual experience , but a lifestyle encompassing discipline . We have discussed making the step from fun to discipline a lot , but we feel insecure as how this would influence our relationship and how to make that first step . This is why I hoped you could help us . Perhaps you could share some of your knowledge and give us some tips on how to move forward with such a relationship . She had sent this email just a week ago . Mistress Anna had answered not two days later . Her answer had been short , but had included an invitation to come meet her in person and talk face to face about their desires . This is why Erika and her girlfriend Sophie - whom Anna had explicitly said should attend as well - drove up the lane to the front door of the large mansion where mistress Anna lived . Nervously the two girls walked up the short flight of stairs to the large double doors . Mistress Anna opened these shortly after they rang the bell . She looked just like in her video 's : her hair was put up with not a strand out of place , her make - up was subtle and accentuated her face , her dress hugged her body and was almost short enough to reveal the lace at the top of her stockings . In short , she was beautiful . Her broad smile made the girls immediately feel welcome when she invited them in and led them to the sitting room . When Erika recognized the room from several of the video 's she 'd watched , she realized many of Mistress Anna 's films were recorded in her own home . The realization woke the butterflies in her stomach . A quick look at Sophie told her she recognized the space as well , she was blushing deeply , they had probably both fantasized visiting this room and its owner , but for other reasons then just talking . A little while ago I posted a poll . In this poll you were to choose a picture on which i would improvise a story . When I did however , I made a mistake and forgot to add one of the options to the poll . I added the option later , but it obviously got a lot less votes . The sun stood high in the sky and the soft breeze was just enough to make the day 's heat bearable . It was a warm summer 's day and the local park was already slowly filling up . Most of the students were still at school however and it was still quiet enough for Mike to sit and enjoy reading his book in the shade of a tree . Shortly ater he sat down , a young couple passed him and lay down in the grass just a few feet away from him . Mike noticed because the girl was wearing an extremely short dress . Those were one of the reasons he enjoyed sitting in the park in the summer , at least outside the peak hours like today . As he looked up over the edge of his book , he saw the girl had turned on her side , her tiny skirt barely enough to cover her full , round bottom . The guy she was with lay on his back , his cap covering his face to protect his eyes from the sun . The girl played with the grass beneath her hands as she was obviously bored as her boyfriend dozed off . Mike couldn 't stop looking , he was completely distracted from his book by her bare legs and the darkness beneath her skirt . Just an inch or so more and he might catch a glimpse of her panties , he thought . Suddenly the girl looked over her shoulder and caught him peeking at her . Mike blushed and looked down at his book . But over the edge of the text he could see her smiling at him , she did not look away again . Then he noticed her hand reaching down as she pulled up her skirt slightly . Mike 's breath caught as he caught a glimpse of the bright red panties underneath . He pretended to be reading his book as he grew rock hard with excitement . The girl wriggled her bottom slightly as she returned her attention to the grass in front of her . Every time Mike lowered his book and peeked at her legs and panties , the girl looked up and smiled at him , as if she could feel his eyes on her . Long minutes passed , Mike read the same page in his book four , five times , without remembering what he was reading . He was not sure what to do , the girl obviously enjoyed teasing him , but was he supposed to keep watching , or just occassionally peek ? The guy laying next to her was completely oblivious of what was going on . At one point the girl looked over her shoulder at her boyfriend before curling up a bit more , showing off a bigger part of her panties and the curves of her bottom . Mike took a deep breath and failed to pretend he was still interested in his book . The girls hand appeared between her legs , rubbing the soft red fabric between her legs . The curve of her lips became obvious beneath her panties as she slightly spread her legs to pressed a single finger between them . The girl bit her lip and stared at him , making no secret of what she was doing , of he she enjoyed hm watching her . A small moan escaped her lips and the guy beside her moved . She froze and Erik quickly looked down at his book . His heart was beating at lightning speed . He heard the guy sit up . HE felt like he 'd been caught doing something wrong , even though he hadn 't done anything , just watch . " What are you doing ? " He heard the guy ask . A small argument arose and Mike tried to focus on his book . The guy was loud and clear while the girl was quiet and embarrassed . No matter how hard he tried to ignore them , he couldn 't help overhearing the things he said . " … you 're always doing this … so inappropriate … embarrassing … " When the girl suddenly squealed , Mike quickly looked up . He feared the guy might 've hit her in his anger . Instead , he saw her laying across his lap with her bottom in the air . The red panties and curved bottom she 'd been teasing before were now in full display for anyone to see . Her boyfriend smacked her bottom hard and Mike 's erection returned immediately . He no longer pretended to read his book as he witnessed the young girl 's public spanking . The quick hard smack and her squeals and moans . Before she could react her panties were lowered and Mike had a great view of her bare bottom and a pussy still wet from when she 'd been rubbing herself before . The spanking continued as the girl squirmed and begged , her bottom slowly turning nearly as red as her panties had been . After a while , the girl stood up and approached him , rubbing her bottom as she stood in front of him . " I want to apologize . " She said . " For exposing myself in front of you and creating an embarrassing and humiliating situation for the both of us . I 'm sorry . " As a young mother , Samantha raised her daughter , Anna , all by herself . The father , had disappeared shortly after their fling , leaving her a teenage mother . Taking care of the child on her own had not been easy and when puberty hit , Anna had been nearly unmanageble . By the time her daughter turned sixteen , Samantha had feared she would turn out just like her : a school drop - out with a belly big from some acne - ridden boy she met at a party . That 's when she intervened and sent her daughter to a different school . Anna had been attending the private institute for three months now and her beaviour had already improved remarkably . The OTK Institute for Girls was a girls - only boarding school that was specialized in trouble - makers like Anna . One of their controversial policies was the use of corporal punishment . Anna had already more than once arrived home on friday with faded marks on her bottom . The girls stayed at school during the week , under constant supervision , only going home during the weekends and holidays . The school kept an open communication with the girls ' mothers , keeping them involved and informed . Every other month , some of the mothers were invited to the school to discuss their daughter 's progress . Which was why Samantha now made her way through the school 's hallways , looking for the classroom with Anna 's superviser . When she finally arrived at the typical classroom , opening the door without knocking , she feared she 'd gotten the wrong room . A blush krept up her face as she saw a woman , a bit older than herself , standing in the corner of her room with her bottom bared and red from a spanking . Before she could apologize and leave however , the other woman in the room sitting behind the desk spoke : " You must be Samantha , Anna 's mother ? Please come in . " Samantha confirmed her that it was . The young woman - she must 've been 5 - 7 years younger than herself - started listing the good and bad behaviour her daughter had displayed at her school . She asked if Samantha had received all the notes with concerns from teachers . Samantha confirmed that she had . " Anna 's behavious has improved since she is with us . " Erika concluded . " But not nearly as much as we expected . We 've already talked to her about this , and it 's made us think you might be the problem . " " You are her mother , aren 't you ? " Erika asked . " What have you done to improve her behaviour ? How have you improved her upbringing ? " Samantha didn 't know what to say . She hadn 't done anything really , except for sending her to a new school . " What do you mean ? " She asked . " You haven 't punished her when she got in trouble ? Or rewarded her for good behaviour , have you ? You 've put all that responsibility in our hands without doing anything yourself . " Erika shook her head . " This is a joined enterprise . We work together with the girls ' parents , especially their mother , to better their lives . You will need to do better in the future , or you will find yourself in this room much more often than you will like . " Erika looked over her shoulder at the woman in the corner . Samantha had almost forgotten about her . " Haven 't you guessed ? " She asked . " You 're getting the sme treatment your daughter does when she misbehaves . " Erika turned and pulled a pack of paper from a drawer beneath the desk . " It 's right here in the school rules . " She said . " You should 've gotten a copy when you signed it . You did sign the rulebook , didn 't you ? " Samantha blushed . She remembered signing the thing . She hadn 't read it of course , who ever read a school 's rulebook ? " Yes , but … " " There 's two chapters about discipline , one for the girl assigned to the school and one for her mother . You can 't have missed it , so I don 't see the problem … " The superviser stood up from her chair and Samantha shrank back in her chair . A second chair stood beside the desk . The superviser sat down and carefully arranged her skirts . " If you have no further objections . " She said . " You can come lie across my lap . I see you 're not wearing pants so you don 't need to pull those down . I 'll deal with your panties myself . " Samantha blushed scarlet . She had no idea what to do . Running away was too embarrassing , but getting spanked would be even worse . She couldn 't run away of course . If they refused to accept Anna , she 'd become her old unmanageble self . She needed them . She just didn 't understand why she had to be spanked . ' Because you 're a bad mother . ' A tiny voice said in her head . Samantha blushed deeply . But part of her felt the voice was right . Suddenly she felt guilty . It wasn 't the first time she felt like this . Every time she 'd seen the faded marks on her daughter 's bottom or the note in her agenda saying ' discipline administered ' , she 'd felt that guilt , the feeling that she was failing her daughter . Slowly she got up and moved to Erika 's side . She promised herself then that she would try harder , that she would be a better mother . The spanking she was about to receive would just serve as an extra encouragement to do better . She bent over Erika 's lap . The young woman grabbed her by the hips and pulled Samantha forward until her hands rested on the floor , her bottom atop Erika 's lap high in the air . Samantha blushed thinking of how her own daughter must 've found herself in the same position across the same woman 's knee . Erika grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled up the skirt until her panties showed . Samantha whimpered at the humiliating position she found herself in . " These are cute . " The young woman said . " Where did you buy them ? " " I like them . " Erika said . " Anna has some like thse too , doesn 't she ? " She asked as she slipped her fingers behind the elastic and slowly pulled them down to bare her bottom . " Though they might be a bit inappropriate for such a young girl . " " Well then , let me show you a way to deal with her the next time she steals one of your underwear . " Erika said . And without further warning , she swung her hand and smacked Samantha 's bottom . As her bottom slowly turnd red , Samantha fought to keep her self - composure . Though that proved impossible in the position she was in . Her hair hung in front of her eyes , her bottom stung , it hurt and was only getting worse , she couldn 't stop herself squealing or kicking her legs and tears were making a mess of her mascara . The young woman who held her down with a single hand pressed against her lower back was obviously experienced in giving a good spanking . She never knew where the next smack woul land , how hard , how fast . She 'd spank herslowly , hard , each smack sending a shockwave through her body and leaving behind a large stinging area on her bottom . Then she 'd suddenly speed up , spreading a quick flurry of stinging smacks all across her bottom that made her squeal and try to wriggle away to safety . But there was no safety to be had , not from that hand punishing her bottom . Dark lines of mascara ran down her cheeks as Samantha cried for her helplessbess , her guilt , the pain and the extreme embarrassment . Her bottom was bright red when Erika finally let her rest . The young woman 's hand rested on her thighs , uncomfortably reminding her of her embarrassing nudity , but thankfully away from her hot stinging cheeks . " You can get up now . " She said . Erika walked to the desk and picked up a long wooden ruler . " Now Samantha ! " She said . " A simple hand - spanking might be enough for a little girl like Anna . But for a grown woman like yourself we need to be more dilligent . " Whimpering Samantha bent over . The wooden desk was low , her bottom was up high in the air . She flinched when Erika dropped something heavy on the desk . It was Anna 's agenda . " Twenty - four notes . " Erika said . " That 's quite the amount . Normally we would double that number for the amount of srokes you 'd receive from the ruler . But you 're lucky this is your first time . If it was twenty - four notes in one month , you 'd get 48 strokes , but these are the notes of her first three months in our school , so you 're only getting 36 . " Samantha winced , thirty three smacks of that wicked ruler scared her too much to think . The cold wooden ruler was placed across her bottom . She sqealed as it disappeared and then reappeared with a loud thwack , leaving a red stinging stripe across her bottom . " Count them , please . " Erika said . Each stroke landed hard and sharp across her bottom , Samantha called them out loudly , afraid to miss one . The desk carried most of her wait , but her legs shivered keeping her sore bottom up in the air exposed to her punishment . New tears rew lines alongside the old ones on her cheeks as they passed the half - way point . She was sobbing and squealing as she counted past twenty . Every number came out as a whisper when they reached thirty . After thirty six , she didn 't move , afraid that if she did , Erika would declare they would start the next part of her punishment . As long as she stayed where she was , she could believe it was over . " Good , then go and stand in the corner , please . " She turned to the other woman standing in the corner . " You can leave now Mia . " Samantha looked up at the woman who hard , if not seen , heard everything . She blushed scarlet . How could she have forgotten the woman was there ? Mia , the woman in the corner , pulled up her panties and hurried out of the room . Samantha took her place in the corner . " Hands on your head . " Erika said , she stood right behind her . Samantha did as she was told as Erika rolled up her dress , hooking it behind the ribbon on her lower back , making sure her red , sore bottom was exposed as she stood in the corner . " You dropped these on your way to the desk . " She said , dropping her panties at her feet . Samantha stared at the wall and blushed . There was a knock at the door . " Come in . " Erika said . " You must be Clara 's mum . Come sit . " Samantha blushed as she felt a second pair of eyes on her bottom . But she listened closely as Clara 's mother received the same treatment she was just starting to recover from herself . I 'm here again with yet another chapter of my book . I 've decided in the end it 's more important for me that people get to enjoy the story than mere sales . Therefor I will share the whole book on this blog , one chapter a month . For the first night since Eve had woken without her memories it hadn 't rained . The mud had almost dried and it was much more comfortable walking barefoot without mud splashing up her legs . Still she avoided the road by going through the fields , this time making sure no one caught her trespassing . She wanted to avoid human contact so she could travel further without being stopped . The farmer 's wife had heard from others they weren 't the only ones that had armed men attack them and search their homes , she had warned Eve to be careful when she left . Eve understood the area was troubled and she didn 't want any part in it . She would travel south , summer was ending and she would follow the birds . Autumn would bring a lot of work in the area , but she wouldn 't want to be stuck up here in winter . The fields seemed to go on forever until she finally left the last of them behind her and found herself in an open forest . The trees stood far apart and she had to force her way through thick under brush . Her bare legs and arms got scratched and her dress regularly got stuck on branches . Despite all that she felt great , the air smelled of summer and no - one would bother her here , she felt free . The wood seemed to get denser the further she went and the many ferns and bushes of thorns diminished , walking became easier the further she went from where she had entered . The forest would provide her food , she hoped . She didn 't know if she could hunt , and if she did , she didn 't remember how , but there would be berries and nuts she promised herself . At some point she found a small stream with just a bit of water . Thirsty as she was she drank from it and decided to follow it to its source . In the forest it got dark early and Eve was forced to find a place to rest for the night . She found the roots of a tree , toppled by a storm long ago . They gave her shelter and she buried herself underneath them . When the morning came with the singing of birds Eve crawled out of her hiding place and looked around . The forest was quiet , with a smile she continued along the stream . She still hadn 't found any berries when the sun stood at its highest point . The stream had gotten wider , she had seen fishes , but had no idea how she could catch them . She looked up often , but like the brush around her , the trees bore no fruit . Her stomach felt hollow when the sun hung low over the treetops , it wasn 't late , it just got dark early deep in the woods . When she found a place to rest she decided to stop . Cold water from the stream filled her stomach , but did nothing against the hollow feeling . She took off her dress and waded into the water , hanging her dress over the branch of a tree that balanced on the water 's edge . The stream had gotten deep and the water reached up to her thighs , it was cold but washed away the sweat and dirt from trudging through the forest . Suddenly she was disturbed by a man whistling , she turned quickly and saw three young men in a soldier 's uniform ogling her . Quickly she grabbed her dress and pulled it on while climbing out of the water . " A gaeth ! " She heard one of the men say . " Aren 't we lucky . " " Come here honey , we can use one of you at the camp . " The other said and Eve climbed out of the water . These might be the soldiers Miranda had warned her about she thought . But they would have food , and if they had work for her she was obliged to serve them . She approached them apprehensively . The oldest of the three grabbed her arm and pulled her to him . " Have we got plenty of work for you . " He said as another grabbed her butt and they pulled her along . The camp was just a small collection of tents in a clearing in the forest . The three men 's friends quickly appeared to admire their catch . Eve had her arms wrapped around her , scared to make a wrong move . " Same thing love , only whores get paid and gaeth work for free , am I right ? " The man told her . " You want to know why ? " His smile suddenly turned into a snear . " Because we 're going to fuck you . Every last one of us , and I 'm going first . " Eve took a step back and looked behind her . Only trees , nowhere to go , she knew she wouldn 't be able to get away . " No ! " A voice suddenly declared . All the heads turned to the man that had just exited the largest tent in the camp . He was wearing a fine uniform with the stars of an officer on his shoulder . " I think I 'll have her , maybe I 'll share her later , but you idiots will have to earn that first . " The man looked at Eve . " Come girl , into my tent . " But Eve stepped back scared . " Or would you rather stay here ? With all thirty of my men ? " The men cheered and Eve ran forward as fast as she can , diving into the officer 's tent . He followed her inside . Eve sat down on a box and looked around , there was a pile of blankets and a traveller 's stove along with a whole set of boxes . The officer ignored her and set water to heat over his stove . He was obviously in charge of this small collection of soldiers , hiding in the woods . When he was done he looked at her . " Take off your clothes and lie on my bed . " Eve was too scared to argue and did as he said . He was searching one of the boxes for tea before sitting down on the box she had just left . " I 'm not going to do anything to you , but if one of my men comes in they would be suspicious . " He told her . Eve blushed , so he wanted to protect her by making her lie naked in his bed , just in case one of his men saw her ? " Why won 't you ? " She asked , wondering why this man surrounded by pigs would be any different . Eve blushed even deeper . He liked men , that 's why he didn 't even look at her as he offered her some of his tea . It was disconcerting , lying there naked , totally under his control , yet him not even looking as if he 's seeing her . " Don 't you find women attractive ? " She asked him . Eve was laying on her stomach , her breasts between her elbows as she looked up at him , her back arched to push up her bottom . She couldn 't help herself , she just kept repositioning herself to show of her body and yet he didn 't react . When she turned over again , covering her breasts with her hands , pushing them up , he finally did . " I 'd rather like you stopped that , you 're only embarrassing the both of us . " Eve spent at least two days in the officer 's tent . She didn 't set a foot outside , afraid of the soldiers . The man , she learned his name was Kal , was always friendly to her . He probably enjoyed having her around , not for the reason his men suspected , but because she cleaned and because her mere presence boosted and protected his reputation . Their little play was about to end though . New troops had gathered in the small forest clearing . She could hear them outside , more and more men . As she was wondering why there were so many soldiers here , a man entered the tent . It was only the second time someone had in these couple of days and all this time she had been naked to play the part of Kal 's plaything . This time however , it was no ordinary soldier , peeking at her from the corner of his eyes , but a man in uniform . Kal saluted him promptly and Eve sat up straight . " I had heard you had a plaything Kal , but I couldn 't believe it . " The officer was looking at her now , drinking in the view . " And you didn 't share her with them ? How selfish of you . " the man laughed aloud . " Go and inspect the troops man , I have some work for your gaeth . " He took a step toward Eve and fumbled at the laces of his breeches . Eve paled , this was it , Kal couldn 't protect her from a higher ranking officer . Why was she so scared ? She was a gaeth , she had done this a hundred times before . All she had to do was lie back and let him have his way . But that wasn 't true , she hadn 't done this before , not since she had lost her memory . And it just felt so wrong . She crawled back into the corner of the tent . The man knelt in front of her . " This gaeth knows what I like , go on girl , give me a good struggle . " Eve blushed and the officer grabbed her ankle , pulling her towards him , she squealed softly and then clenched her teeth trying not to scream . And suddenly the man toppled forward , face down on the mattress . Blood started to pool all around him . Eve looked up and saw Kal staring at her , sword in his hand , he looked just as surprised as she did , unsure why he had saved her . They both stared at each other in silence . Then Kal started to move . He filled his backpack with supplies . " Grab your dress , put it on , we 're going . " Eve obeyed immediately ; he was still carrying his bloodied sword . As she pulled on the short ragged dress , Kal wiped the blade on his blankets and sheathed it . " Time to go . " He grabbed Eve by her arm and pulled her out of his tent . Some of the men looked at them , but none of them asked questions as he led her into the forest ; someone whistled . The rest of the day they ran , jumping roots , wading their way through brushes and occasionally running through small streams to cover their tracks . How long until they realised they wouldn 't come back ? How long until the body was discovered in Kal 's tent ? Eve tried not to think of it . Tried not to think of why Kal would decide to save her . He was a deserter now , a deserter and a murderer . They would hang him when they found him , and all that to protect a gaeth . Gaeth didn 't need protection ; they worked for everyone , even when the work involved … that . The sun had just risen and Eve sat up on the side of a fallen tree , Kal was awake already and pacing back and forth . It seemed they had managed to escape the camp without being followed , they hadn 't heard or seen anyone in two days . She was immensely tired and her feet hurt from running barefoot through the woods . She was definitely not used to running for days . As a gaeth she should be used to working long hours , but at the farms she had learned she had no stamina and running had been even worse . It made her wonder what kind of work she had done before she lost her memory . With a blush she thought back to the soldiers , the kind of work they offered was probably a lot less tiring than what she has had to endure these last couple of days . Still she enjoyed being back in the forest , out of the tent . Kal had provided food through hunting , so she hadn 't been hungry either . They had only eaten meat , none of the fruits she had thought she would be eating out here . Without Kal she would probably starve . Still , his grumpy moods and uncomfortable silences were one of the least enjoyable aspect of her days . He saved me , Eve reminded herself , and lost everything by doing so . No wonder that he wasn 't the friendly , happy man she knew before . " What do you mean ? I didn 't do anything . " Eve replied , it was Kal that had attacked his superior , she hadn 't asked for his help , but now he looked angry , perhaps finally venting his frustration . Kal flinched at her sudden outburst . " I expected a gaeth to behave like one . I protected you from my men because even for someone like you a group of soldiers can be too violent . But in the safety of my tent , you could 've given that officer whatever he wanted . " Eve picked up a stick and threw it at him . She was surprised at her own anger , a gaeth was never allowed to use any form of violence . " Someone like me ? I am a person , just like anyone else and I did not ask you to stab him , I never asked for your protection ! " She didn 't know why she was yelling , she was tired and scared , the birds around them had gone silent ; she didn 't know who she was or what was happening to her , but it felt good to yell at someone . Kal seemed to have his own plan for venting his frustration however . He grabbed Eve by her arm while dropping onto the tree trunk next to her , pulling her over his lap in one swift motion . It seemed protecting her did not include from himself as he pulled up her short black dress to bare her bottom . Eve squealed , but it didn 't help as Kal 's strong hand smacked her bottom . Eve struggled , but the military trained officer held her down easily , letting his hand rain down on her behind . The smacks echoed in the forest , accompanied by screams and moans and Eve 's kicking bare legs . She quickly surrendered to the sudden punishment , flinching at each smack , but trying not to fight . She realised how ungrateful she had sounded before . Kal had given up everything for her and she had responded by throwing a stick at him . She blushed deeply , not only because she was being spanked , but because for the first time she knew she deserved to be spanked . Of course that didn 't stop her from begging him to stop . Her bottom felt on fire from the relentless smacks . She tried to assure him that she was sorry and would amend her behaviour . Still , Kal didn 't stop until she was sobbing and very sore . When she finally got up she turned to look at him , he seemed calmer now . " I 'm sorry . You were right , I should thank you for saving me . " She managed , trying to hide her shame . Kal sighed and stood up as well , she was wrong , he didn 't seem calm at all , just … determined . " Pull up your dress . " He said . Eve blushed and pulled it up , gathering it above her hips . " We 're going , you 're walking in front of me so I can watch you and you don 't run away . " Eve blushed and started walking . She wanted to complain that she wasn 't going to run away , and why did her bottom have to be bared ? For a moment she thought he wanted to look at her freshly spanked cheeks , but she remembered he didn 't like women that way . Suddenly however , she heard him break off a branch from a tree … Here deep in the forest Eve walked in a shadowy world with occasional sunlight playing on the ground at her feet . Many of the small brushes had flowers ; Eve couldn 't imagine being farther away from human civilisation . She couldn 't slow down to enjoy the beautiful surroundings however , because when she did , Kal swept the thin tree branch in front of him , striking her sore bottom . She already had a few red stripes across her cheeks ; they were a constant reminder of her ungrateful behaviour . She wondered how long he was going to treat her like this and when he would return to his good - natured self . Perhaps never she thought , his life was changed now . He would never be able to go back to his friends because of her ; back to the man he loved . She wanted to believe that he was cruel , that she didn 't deserve this treatment , but she knew this wasn 't true . What did Kal know about her after all ? That she was a gaeth , found in the woods , but that she didn 't do as she was told and lashed out at the people that helped her . No wonder that he no longer treated her as a friend . " Kal , where are we going ? " She asked , trying to spark a conversation . Eve relaxed a little , so he wasn 't going to turn her in , which was something at least . " Kal , can we stop soon , I 'm tired . " She said , using the sadness in her voice to try and get some sympathy . But then she heard the swish of the branch and pain suddenly blossomed across her bottom . She jumped up and moaned . Kal wasn 't in the mood for talking or slowing down . She increased her pace again , staying well in front of him . When the sun finally hid behind the trees again Eve didn 't know what hurt more , her feet or her red striped bottom , but Kal finally told her they were going to stop for the night . He threw away the switch he had been using on her and looked her in the eye . " Can we go on without that tomorrow ? " He asked her . Kal stepped back in surprise , but then held her . " You 're the strangest gaeth I have ever met . Did you know that ? " Eve nodded against his chest and Kal stroked her hair . " No more complaining ? " She shook her head . " No more throwing sticks ? " She shook again . " And you 're going to do as you 're told and travel at a decent pace ? " They found a group of trees bunched together that would hide them from sight as they slept and Eve tried to make herself comfortable as Kal went in search of fresh water to fill his bottle . Safely away from his eyes she pulled the small pot of cream she had been hiding under her dress since she left the farm . With a blush she remembered the last time she had used it , but now she only had time to smear a thin layer across her sore backside . She had to save some for the future , her new friend wasn 't cruel , but he was strict … When he returned to their hiding spot they decided to get some early sleep . She eased herself against his back , feeling safe with his body against hers . For a moment she wondered if it made him feel uncomfortable . But then she shrugged it off ; he couldn 't be half as uncomfortable as she was with her bottom sore and stinging beneath her dress . " I think we 're in Syr now . " Kal said the next day . They were walking side by side now ; the forest was getting less dense . Eve didn 't know anything about her past , but for some reason she had no problem placing Syr : one of the five realms in the high kingdom . Syr wasn 't a very important region , mostly farmland and rich merchants travelling between villages and cities . But she knew they had been travelling south , if they only now crossed the border into Syr , that meant they had come from the most northern realm : Braich . For the first time it seemed she knew something about herself , where she was and where she was coming from . " Why is Syr gathering soldiers ? " She asked , as if it was normal for a gaeth to wonder about such things . Braich soldiers on Syr soil , it scared Eve more than she could explain . But Kal was leading them in a more western direction , to a safer place . There were only small villages in the west , on the borders of the high kingdom . Nobody would know them there . But secretly she did not want to return to a world with other people , a world where she was a gaeth . She wanted to stay in the forest . But she knew without Kal she wouldn 't survive out there on her own . Sarah smiled broadly as she heard the voice - com right after she had left the office . " I don 't want to get her in trouble , Sir . " She had said when visiting the counsellor herself . " I wouldn 't tell on a friend if I wasn 't really worried about her . It 's just … " She had put on her most sincerely concerned face . " My grandmother died of lung cancer not long ago and now seeing Emma smoking , I can 't help but worry . " Sarah 's grandmother was still alive however and Emma had probably never in her life even touched a cigarette . She was a perfectly well - behaved student . This was probably the first time she was ever called to the counsellor 's office . The pack of cigarettes he would find in her purse had been planted there by Sarah , her so - called friend . Sarah made her way to the tiny garden outside the counsellor 's office as she knew Emma must be making her way to that very office right now . She could sneak in and observe what happened through the office window . The scolding Emma would get would be ample payback for what she had done to her . Emma and Sarah weren 't actually friends . In fact Emma was two years older and only knew Sarah as the annoying little girl that dated her younger brother . To Sarah , Emma was the older sister that was one of the most popular girls in school that always ignored her and refused to be her friend . Shyly Emma entered the office . She had been here only once before - when her mother was very sick and she had been too emotional to participate in class - and the counsellor had really helped her then . Somehow that association made her fear he had bad news for her . To the left stood the counsellor 's high wooden desk , but like last time he was seated in the comfortable leather sofa in the other corner . " Emma , please sit . " He indicated and her fear increased . Sarah looked in on the conversation . The glass window was only a single pane and she could hear every word being said . She had hoped for more than a friendly conversation , but she was sure that would change when he found the cigarettes she had hidden . Emma turned and coloured red as she saw what he was holding . " Those aren 't mine ! " She said as she jumped up , she reached the desk in only three strides . Sarah almost laughed in glee at how distressed she looked . The counsellor laid the pack on his desk and crossed his arms . Sarah readied herself ; here came the scolding she had been hoping for … " Emma . People have seen you smoking and I found this pack in your bag myself . Denying it 's yours won 't do any good . Normally I 'd give you a simple warning , but your behaviour makes it clear to me that will just not do . " " Your refusal to acknowledge these as yours , Emma . You 're a grown woman ; no - one here can stop you from smoking if you want , as long as it 's not on school property . Why are you denying they 're yours ? It 's as if you 're denying you have a problem at all . I 've been a student counsellor for many years Emma , I know a cry for help when I see one . " " No , I mean yes , I mean I still live with them , but please don 't call them . " This time her blush was one of embarrassment . The counsellor might consider her a grown - up capable of her own choices . Her father would definitely not agree when it came to smoking . " But it 's not , they aren 't … " Emma blushed . " I mean , can 't we deal with it , just you and me ? " He smiled slightly . " I was going to do that anyway , Emma . But how is that going to help ? You can just buy a new pack . " Emma blushed deeply and a long silence stretched . " But if you 're suggesting I would treat you like I would treat my own daughter if she was caught smoking … You should know she 's a lot younger than you are and she 'd get a good spanking on her bare little bottom . " Emma shuffled nervously . To face her father , or accept a spanking from the counsellor . Neither of them would believe the cigarettes weren 't hers . " No , Sir . " She whispered . " I 'd like to deal with it just you and me . " Sarah gasped as she peeked in through the window . The conversation had taken a turn she had never expected . She wondered if they were playing a trick on her ; if they knew she had placed those cigarettes . But they didn 't suddenly open the window to catch her and when Emma bent over the counsellor 's wooden desk , her own heart rate increased . The counsellor raised Emma 's skirt and revealed the sexy black , laced panties she wore . Even when being spanked Emma could look attractive , hot even . It was an intoxicating view , one of those times a girl would wonder whether she was not bi - sexual after all . It made Sarah wonder what Emma feared her parents would do , if she preferred this over them thinking she smoked . Emma herself however was squealing and moaning , the sounds of her discomfort clearly audible in the garden between every loud smack . She argued shortly against her panties being lowered , but the counsellor ignored her complaints . He pulled them down and told her his own daughter would get her bottom smacked bare as well . Sarah sat with her nose nearly against the glass of the window , oblivious of being caught as she looked at the scene . Justice was being served she felt . A scolding she had hoped for , but what she was seeing now was even better . Absent - mindedly her own hand had pushed up her skirt and was touching herself . Not playing , she wouldn 't go that far . But somehow she couldn 't help but be excited at how good it felt to see Emma punished . Emma 's bottom was turning bright red and she on the other hand was clearly not enjoying her punishment . She sobbed and was on the edge of crying . But before she did the counsellor stepped back and walked around the desk . Sarah jumped back lest he see her . He didn 't and instead picked the pack of cigarettes out of the can and dropped it in front of Emma 's red sweaty face . " Next time you feel the urge to smoke , think of this . " He said . " And if that doesn 't work , if you smoke again anyway , come back to my office and we 'll try again . " Emma blushed and tried to nod as she lay , still bent over his desk . He sounded so sure , sure that she would give up herself for another spanking if she smoked again . No , not again , she reminded herself , she hadn 't done it before , she had almost forgotten . She could almost believe however , that if she did , she would indeed ask for his ' help ' again . " Yes , Sir . " She said . Emma blushed . She was afraid to move ; afraid of how her sore bottom would feel . But she had almost forgotten how exposed she was to him . Being reminded now , she quickly pushed herself up . Her skirt dropped down and the soft fabric covered her sensitive bottom . She pulled it up and gasped in surprise seeing how red it was . Wincing she pulled up the soft black panties . They were uncomfortably snug . " Yes , Sir . " Emma breathed deeply through her nose , composed her face and picked up her bag before heading towards the exit . When the spanking had started , she had sworn revenge on whoever had played this prank on her . Now all she wanted to do was get away as quickly as possible . She didn 't see Sarah who had left the garden moments earlier and was already gone when she reached the bicycle stalls . It hadn 't occurred to her till now that she 'd have to sit on the hard saddle all the way home with a sore red bottom . It almost made her cry after all . She closed her eyes and took a deep breath . It could be worse . She told herself . He could 've told my father and he would 've used his belt … A little black dress is a fantasy novel littered with eroticism and spanking scenes . Unlike the over - used romantic story of " woman falls in love with man with a kinky fetish " this story is a classical fantasy story with interesting characters and a real plot . Spankings are not what this story is about , they are just there to spice things up . There were no crops in the fields around her , just some small green weeds that might or might not grow into something later . " But there isn 't even anything here to steal . " She stated the obvious . " I was on my way to the farmhouse . " She had seen it from the road , just past this one field . She had even approached the farmer when she had seen him come out on the field . But as she gave her explanation she raised her dress in obedience to the farmer 's wishes . Her last experience just a week ago had taught her not to delay with excuses . The mud of the field covered her bare feet and splatters of it reached all the way to her knees , but above that she was naked to the waist , nothing marring her soft pale skin . The black dress , hoisted above her hips , was all she was wearing , one of only two items she owned , the dress and the leather strap the farmer held in his hand . " I don 't know what your plan was , why you decided to walk through my fields and not use the perfectly good path that lies but a few minutes from here and would have led you straight to our front door . Maybe you 're telling me the truth , maybe you 're just a silly girl that made a mistake . But stealing or no stealing , you 're still trespassing and mistakes have to be paid for . " He had walked around her and the small leather strap landed with a loud thwack across her bottom . She clenched her teeth as the farmer positioned himself behind her . He took his time , once more the strap flayed her bottom and she yelped in pain , he let the pain sink in , let the situation sink in as a cool breeze from the open fields stroked her stinging bottom and once more the strap landed replacing the cold with heat . Last week she had tried to hide her pain , too embarrassed and stubborn to cry . She had learned it would only encourage them to continue until they got the result they wanted , but not today , today she yelled . The farmer handed her the strap after those three strokes and told her to cover herself . She let the dress fall and felt the rough wool chafe against her bottom , only three smacks , but it still hurt , she could almost see the broad red stripe the strap must 've left behind . But only three , she wondered if showing her pain instead of hiding it had helped , or whether this man was less cruel than the other . She did not have much experience as a gaeth after all . Being a gaeth was al she knew was true about herself . She had no memories older than two weeks , no recollections of her past before waking up in a stable owned by a cruel farmer . But she was wearing the black dress , cheap wool that fitted her body snugly and the leather strap , hung from a metal ring sewn on her dress at the hip . The dress symbolized what she was , did she really want to remember her past ? Did she want to remember who had turned her into this person , her parents who had sold her to the people ? They probably had their reasons , no - one would choose this life for their daughter , but sometimes it was the only way to get out of debt . Selling you to the people they called it , but in reality they sold you to the Perchen . They called themselves a religious order , perhaps they were , but what they definitely were is rich . They offered to pay your debts for you , all of them , if you had a son or daughter to join their order . You didn 't really join them however , instead you became gaeth and you had to serve the people . All your possessions were taken from you and you would be dressed in black and given a small leather strap to hold . In the religious tales told by the Perchen , gaeth were the children of the gods . They were on earth to serve the people . Their rules were paradoxal ; a gaeth is free , they can go where - ever they want , but at the same time they have to serve anyone that asks or sets a task for them ; they have no possession that was not given to them by the Perchen , but after finishing a desired task , the one who set it is obliged to offer them food and a place to rest ; no harm is allowed to a gaeth by law , yet they are but children and like children they can be punished , the leather strap is a symbol for the only way a gaeth should be punished , they are children and a spanking is the way for them to learn from their mistakes . She knew all this , yet she didn 't know who or where she was as she followed the farmer to his farmhouse . She wondered what had happened to her , but al she needed now was something to eat and a place to rest . The farmer would offer her that , if she did her share of work . She wondered what he would ask of her . In the previous place she had stayed , there had been two male gaeth , they had done all the heavy work on the fields and had been rewarded with good decent food . The farmer had thought her too weak for the work and had her do some dirty chores and then only gave her some bread to eat . When she had complained he had put her across his lap , the ease with which he had done so still scared her and the spanking he had given her still made her wince . She didn 't remember ever being spanked before , it probably wasn 't her first spanking , but due to her lack of memories , it certainly felt that way . There had been no privacy as the farmhouse was just one big room and everyone had seen her kick and cry , struggling almost naked over his lap as he had punished her . Just remembering the embarrassment almost made her miss a step . Normally you started your life as a gaeth at an early age , young enough that nudity did not embarrass you and that being punished like a child was fitting as you were still a child . But missing the memories of growing up as a gaeth made her live them anew as a young woman and showed her how embarrassing they really were . All she could hope was that with time her memory returned , and these feelings became normal . The farm looked remarkably the same as the previous . She had introduced herself as Eve , the name she had adopted for lack of remembering her own ; it was a common name , that of the first daughter of the gods , the first female gaeth according to the stories . The farmer had two sons out in the fields and a wife who she was now helping . She felt clumsy with the small knife she was using to peel the potatoes . The small wooden stool felt hard against her sore bottom and she feared she was doing such a bad job with the potatoes that it might get even worse soon . " No miss . " Eve answered her . She looked as apologetic as she could , hoping she didn 't disappoint too much . " I 'm sorry . " " Oh no , don 't worry , here give them to me , you can go ahead and wash the cabbages . " She took the knife from her hands and took over . " You probably never had to do anything like this before , I 'm sorry , we 've never had a female gaeth here you know , I just don 't know what kind of work you 're used to . " " Oh no , not at all , not out here , out on the farms . The girls go to the cities , don 't they . They don 't want to work the fields . Now I 've never been to the city myself and I don 't like gossip and rumours , but it is said most of those girls serve the people on their backs . " The farmer 's wife seemed to enjoy having someone to talk to while working and despite her distaste of gossip she repeated every story she had heard of the services gaeth girls offered in the city . " Of course you 're not like that , you 're out here among the farms , you know I recognize a good girl when I see one . " She assured Eve when she started looking embarrassed . Of course she couldn 't remember her past , couldn 't remember if she had done any of the things the woman talked about or whether she had come from the city . If she couldn 't remember doing those things , did that make them irrelevant to who she was now , or not ? " Oh no , it was fine . " Eve answered , not sure she should tell her about the short punishment she had received , she didn 't want to seem complaining , everything seemed to be going well . " That was me yes , I 'm sorry I didn 't know there was a path just ahead . " The farmer 's wife smiled . " Oh don 't worry about it , I don 't think your small bare feet would do any damage to our crops . It 's just that about a week ago a group of men on horses passed by . They forced their way into our house , not telling us what they were looking for as they turned the place upside down . They came and left on their horses , trampling everything in that field , Jake 's been upset ever since , but what could we do , there were a dozen of them and they had swords . " The woman had gotten all worked up telling her the story and Eve wanted to calm her down . " Well if they didn 't find what they were looking for they probably won 't come back . " She looked as reassuring as she could and at the same time wondered if this family was so different that she only had gotten punished because of some unfortunate circumstance . When they were ready with the food and the farmer and his boys got back from the fields and they offered her a seat at their table to share their food she was very grateful and hoped she 'd meet more families like this one and less like the previous farmer she worked for . Emma has already shared some of my stories in the past , but from now on I 'll be posting them myself . I don 't have a backstory or picture as interesting as " kinky - emma " . Instead I will make a good start with a sexy new story for you to enjoy . |
The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside , just before putting him into the box . " There are 5 things you need to know , " he told the pencil , " Before I send you out into the world . Always remember them and never forget , and you will become the best pencil you can be . " " One : You will be able to do many great things , but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone 's hand . " " Two : You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time , but you 'll need it to become a better pencil . " " Three : You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make . " " Four : The most important part of you will always be what 's inside . " " And Five : On every surface you are used on , you must leave your mark . No matter what the condition , you must continue to write . " The pencil understood and promised to remember , and went into the box with purpose in its heart . Now replacing the place of the pencil with you . Always remember them and never forget , and you will become the best person you can be . One : You will be able to do many great things , but only if you allow yourself to be held in God 's hand . And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess . Two : You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time , by going through various problems in life , but you 'll need it to become a stronger person . Three : You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make . Four : The most important part of you will always be what 's on the inside . And Five : On every surface you walk through , you must leave your mark . No matter what the situation , you must continue to do your duties . Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish . Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change . Author Unknown Many years ago three soldiers , hungry and weary of battle , came upon a small village . The villagers , suffering a meager harvest and the many years of war , quickly hid what little they had to eat and met the three at the village square , wringing their hands and bemoaning the lack of anything to eat . The soldiers spoke quietly among themselves and the first soldier then turned to the village elders . " Your tired fields have left you nothing to share , so we will share what little we have : the secret of how to make soup from stones . " Naturally the villagers were intrigued and soon a fire was put to the town 's greatest kettle as the soldiers dropped in three smooth stones . " Now this will be a fine soup " , said the second soldier ; " but a pinch of salt and some parsley would make it wonderful ! " Up jumped a villager , crying " What luck ! I 've just remembered where some 's been left ! " And off she ran , returning with an apronful of parsley and a turnip . As the kettle boiled on , the memory of the village improved : soon barley , carrots , beef and cream had found their way into the great pot . They ate and danced and sang well into the night , refreshed by the feast and their new - found friends . In the morning the three soldiers awoke to find the entire village standing before them . At their feet lay a satchel of the village 's best breads and cheese . " You have given us the greatest of gifts : the secret of how to make soup from stones " , said an elder , " and we shall never forget . " The third soldier turned to the crowd , and said : " There is no secret , but this is certain : it is only by sharing that we may make a feast " . And off the soldiers wandered , down the road . - Author Unknown - Long ago in a small , far away village , there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors . A small , happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit . When he arrived , he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house . He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could . To his great surprise , he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his . He smiled a great smile , and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly . As he left the House , he thought to himself , " This is a wonderful place . I will come back and visit it often . " In this same village , another little dog , who was not quite as happy as the first one , decided to visit the house . He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door . When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him , he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him . As he left , he thought to himself , " That is a horrible place , and I will never go back there again . " All the faces in the world are mirrors . What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet ? There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace . Many artists tried . The king looked at all the pictures . But there were only two he really liked , and he had to choose between them . One picture was of a calm lake . The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around it . Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds . All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace . The other picture had mountains , too . But these were rugged and bare . Above was an angry sky , from which rain fell and in which lightning played . Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall . This did not look peaceful at all . But when the king looked closely , he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock . In the bush a mother bird had built her nest . There , in the midst of the rush of angry water , sat the mother bird on her nest - in perfect peace . Which picture do you think won the prize ? The king chose the second picture . Do you know why ? " Because , " explained the king , " peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise , trouble , or hard work . Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart . That is the real meaning of peace . " A long time ago , there was a huge apple tree . A little boy loved to come and play around it every day . He loved the tree top , ate the apples , took a nap under the shadow . . . He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him . Time went by . . . . . . . The little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree everyday . One day the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad . " Come play with me , " the tree asked the boy . I am no longer a kid , I don 't ' play around trees anymore . " The boy replied , " I want toys . I need money to buy them . " " Sorry , but I don 't have money . . . . . but you can pick my apples and sell them . Then you will have money . " The boy was so excited . He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily . The boy never came back after he picked the apples . The tree was sad . One day the boy returned and the tree was so excited . " Come and play with me " the tree said . I don 't have time to play . I have to work for my family . We need a house for shelter . Can you help me ? " Sorry but I don 't have a house . But you can chop off my branches to build your house . " So the boy cut all the branches off the tree and left happily . The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then . The tree was lonely and sad . One hot summer day , the boy returned and the tree was so delighted . " Come and play with me ! " the tree said . " I am so sad and getting old . I want to go sailing to relax myself . Can you give me a boat ? " " Use my trunk to build your boat . You can sail far away and be happy . " So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat . He went sailing and never showed up for a very long long time . Finally , the boy returned after he left for so many years . " Sorry , my boy , but I don 't have anything for you anymore . No more apples for yo u . . . . " the tree said " . " I don 't have teeth to bite " the boy replied . " No more trunk for you to climb on " I am too old for that now " the boy said . " I really can 't give you anything . . . . . the only thing left is my dying roots " the tree said with tears . " I don 't need much now , just a Posted by A little girl walked daily to and from school . Though the weather this particular morning was questionable and clouds were forming , she made her trek to the elementary school . As the afternoon progressed , the winds whipped up , along with thunder and lightning . The child 's mother , concerned that her daughter would be frightened and possibly harmed by the storm got into her car and drove along the route to her child 's school . As she did so , she saw her little daughter walking along happily but at each flash of lightning the child would stop , look up , and smile . Stopping the car , the mother called to the child to get in with her . As they drove toward school , the girl continued to turn toward each lightning flash and smile . The Mother asked , " What are you doing ? " The child answered , " Well , I must do this , God keeps taking pictures of me . " Once there was a woman whose only son had died . In her sorrow she went to ask a wise holy man is there a way to bring her son back to life . " Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow . We will use it to bring your son back to life . " He said to her instead of sending her away or try reasoning with her . At once she quickly set off looking for that elusive mustard seed . The first place she came to is a huge mansion . Knocking on the door , she asked " I am looking for a house that has never known suffering . Is this the place ? It is very important to me . " " You have come to the wrong place " they told her . They begin to pour out all the tragic things that have befallen upon them . " Who is better to be able to help these poor unfortunate souls than I who has experience sadness and can understand them ? " she thought . Therefore she stayed behind and consoled and comforted them before going to another house that has never known sorrow before . However , wherever she goes , from huts to palaces , there is never one without tales of sadness and misfortunes . In time to come , she became so involved in listening to other people 's sad stories that she forgot about her quest for that elusive mustard seed . By listening to other people , she had actually driven the grieving out of her life . - Author Unknown - What should be our legacy of love be ? Here is something for you to ponder about . As a young man , Al was a skilled artist , a potter . He had a wife and two fine sons . One night , his oldest son developed a severe stomachache . Thinking it was only some common intestinal disorder , neither Al nor his wife took the condition very seriously . But the malady was actually acute appendicitis , and the boy died suddenly that night . Knowing the death could have been prevented if he had only realized the seriousness of the situation , Al 's emotional health deteriorated under the enormous burden of his guilt . To make matters worse his wife left him a short time later , leaving him alone with his six - year - old younger son . The hurt and pain of the two situations were more than Al could handle , and he turned to alcohol to help him cope . In time Al became an alcoholic . As the alcoholism progressed , Al began to lose everything he possessed - his home , his land , his art objects , everything . Eventually Al died alone in a San Francisco motel room . When I heard of Al 's death , I reacted with the same disdain the world shows for one who ends his life with nothing material to show for it . " What a complete failure ! " I thought . " What a totally wasted life ! " As time went by , I began to re - evaluate my earlier harsh judgment . You see , I knew Al 's now adult son , Ernie . He is one of the kindest , most caring , most loving men I have ever known . I watched Ernie with his children and saw the free flow of love between them . I knew that kindness and caring had to come from somewhere . I hadn 't heard Ernie talk much about his father . It is so hard to defend an alcoholic . One day I worked up my courage to ask him . " I 'm really puzzled by something , " I said . " I know your father was basically the only one to raise you . What on earth did he do that you became such a special person ? " Ernie sat quietly and reflected for a few moments . Then he said , " From my earliest memories as a child until I left home at 18 , Al came into my room every night , gave me a kiss and said , ' I lPosted by Many years ago , Norman Cousins was diagnosed as " terminally ill . " He was given six months to live . His chance for recovery was one in 500 . He could see the worry , depression and anger in his life contributed to , and perhaps helped cause , his disease . He wondered , " If illness can be caused by negativity , can wellness be created by positivity ? " He decided to make an experiment of himself . Laughing was one of the most positive activities he knew . He rented all the funny movies he could find - Keaton , Chaplin , Fields , the Marx Brothers . ( This was before VCRs , so he had to rent the actual films . ) He read funny stories . He asked his friends to call him whenever they said , heard or did something funny . His pain was so great he could not sleep . Laughing for 10 solid minutes , he found , relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep . He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy , healthy and productive years . ( His journey is detailed in his book , Anatomy of an Illness . ) He credits visualization , the love of his family and friends , and laughing for his recovery . Some people think laughing is a waste of time . It is a luxury , they say , a frivolity , something to indulge in only every so often . Nothing could be further from the truth . Laughing is essential to our equilibrium , to our well - being , to our aliveness . If we 're not well , laughing helps us get well ; if we are well , laughing helps us stay that way . Since Cousins ' ground - breaking subjective work , scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body , the mind and the emotions . So , if you like laughing , consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can . If you don 't like laughter , then take your medicine - laugh anyway . Use whatever makes you laugh - movies , sitcoms , Monty Python , records , books , New Yorker cartoons , jokes , friends . Give yourself permission to laugh - long and loud and out loud - whenever anything strikes you as funny . The people around you may think you 're strange , but sooner or later they 'll jPosted by Once there was a monk who lived in a village . One day a young village girl became pregnant and was unmarried . She did not want to expose her boyfriend . Out of fear when her parents asked her who is responsible , she pointed her finger to that monk . Her parents were infuriated . The next day , the whole village turned up to blame the him . " How could you ? " " You dirty old man ! " " You are a disgrace ! " " Get out of our village , you hypocrite ! " Some villagers even threaten the his life . After listening to all the accusations , what he said was " Is that so ? " and went back to meditate . Months went by ; the young girl gave birth to a baby . The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child . The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying " You are responsible for this baby ; therefore you should bring up the baby ! " Once again , he said " Is that so ? " He took the young baby in his arms and went back . By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him . He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors . After a year , he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby . She finally told the real story to her parents . When all the villagers came to know the truth , they all felt ashamed of having wrong him . So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness . Once again , after listening to them said " Is that so ? " He handed the baby back to the young girl . When you are right , one thousand angels swearing that you are wrong does not matter . But when you are wrong , ten thousand angels swearing that you are right will not make any difference . Once upon a time , there was a large mountainside , where an eagle 's nest rested . The eagle 's nest contained four large eagle eggs . One day an earthquake rocked the mountain causing one of the eggs to roll down the mountain , to a chicken farm , located in the valley below . The chickens knew that the must protect and care for the eagle 's egg , so an old hen volunteered to nurture and raise the large egg . One day , the egg hatched and a beautiful eagle was born . Sadly , however , the eagle was raised to be a chicken . Soon , the eagle believed he was nothing more than a chicken . The eagle loved his home and family , but his spirit cried out for more . While playing a game on the farm one day , the eagle looked to the skies above and noticed a group of mighty eagles soaring in the skies . " Oh , " the Eagle cried , " I wish I could soar like those birds . " The chickens roared with laughter , " You cannot soar with those birds . You are a chicken and chickens do not soar . " The eagle continued staring , at his real family up above , dreaming that he could be with them . Each time the eagle would let his dreams be known , he was told it couldn 't be done . That is what the eagle learned to believe . The eagle , after time , stopped dreaming and continued to live his life like a chicken . Finally , after a long life as a chicken , the eagle passed away . The moral of the story : You become what you believe you are ; so if you ever dream to become an eagle follow your dreams , not the words of a chicken . - Author Unknown - There was once an old wise man who live on top of a mountain . ( I don 't know why the wise men always like to stay on top of mountains . ) Whenever the villagers had a problem , they would climb up the mountain and ask the old man for advice . One day a young man decided to climb up and ask the old man a question . " Wise man , " he asked , " What makes a man truly great ? " The old man looked at him and said , " Do you sincerely want to know ? " " Yes , yes ! " the young man replied the wise man . " Well , " the wise old man said to him , " Let me tell you in the form of a story " There was once a Greek man who suffered from a deadly disease . Knowing that he will die soon , he was the first to join the army when his country was in a battle with the enemy . Hoping to die in battle , he would fight in the front line , exposing himself without any worry for his life . Eventually they won the battle and he was still alive . His general was so impressed with his bravery which contributed much to the victory . The general decided to promote him and award him with medals of bravery and honor . On the day of presentation , he was looking very down and sad . Curiously , the general asked him the reason why and was told of his deadly disease . " How could I let such a brave soldier die ? " , the general thought . So the general hired the best physician and finally cured the soldier . But from that day onwards , the once valiant soldier was no longer seen at the front . He would always avoid danger and tries his best to avoid danger and protect his life . " Young man " , he wise man said , " if you want to be truly great , you must not be scared of dying , you must be daring . " - Author Unknown - Today , I reaffirmed a personal commitment to be happy , in spite of what life hands me . I 've decided that there are too many things over which I have no control , and the only thing I can do is to stop allowing them to make dents in my spirit . Happiness is not something that others can take from me . It 's something that I would have to throw away on my own . There will be times when things don 't turn out the way I want them to . My best friend at work may turn out to be a power - hungry corporate animal that backstabs me at every opportunity . The promotion I worked so hard for may go to someone else . My partner might decide to leave me , a day before we are due to go for a vacation together . I may lose most of my savings in a market crash . These are things that can happen to the most loving , compassionate , careful and reasonable person . But after the initial pain and shock , the decision whether or not to let myself languish in despair is entirely up to me . I can allow misfortune to form the bulk of my life , or I can choose to leave what 's past in the past , and move on . One 's friendly and caring behavior towards others should not be motivated by the thought of equally kind and affectionate responses . You understand yourself best , and regardless of how reasonably and responsibly you live your life , there will be people who won 't see your point of view or share your motivations . People have the right to act in any way they see fit . I don 't have the right to judge whether their behavior is acceptable or not . They have to bear the responsibility for their own actions , and so do I . By feeling sorry for myself , I am simply continuing the work for them , long after they 've dealt their blow . I 've decided that , as far as possible , I will not allow these people to disturb my mind . There are many things for which I can be grateful . There are yet unexplored experiences in which I can find enrichment and meaning . There are yet others who will like me for who I am , and in spite of who I am . If I spend my time being resentful and miserable , I ' Posted by You may not be a grey - haired sage of 80 , but the truths of life are revealed throughout your lifetime . Although no one can claim to know all there is to know about life , you must have some idea . Well , here 's what someone learnt about life : Don 't go for looks . It can deceive . Don 't go for wealth , for even that fades away . Go for someone who makes you smile , because only a smile can make a dark day seem bright . It 's true that we don 't know what we 've got until we lose it . But it 's also true that we don 't know what we 've been missing until it arrives . Always put yourself in others ' shoes . If you feel that it hurts you , it probably does hurt the person too . A careless word may kindle strife . A cruel word may wreck a life . A timely word may level stress . A loving word may heal and bless . Love is when you take away the feeling , the passion , and the romance , and you find that you still care for that person . The happiest of people don 't necessarily have the best of everything . They just make the best of everything that comes their way . Sometimes , the most extensive article may say very little or nothing to you , but a short and simple phrase says it all . Have you ever been tempted to cut a corner or to take the easiest route , though you know it may not necessarily be the best one ? Or have you ever made a decision because it was quick and simple , knowing that it might come back to bite you later ? I appreciate a parable Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard told about the dangers of taking the easy route . It is a story about a wild duck . Though life was difficult at times , the beautiful creature loved the boundless heavens and the endless stretches of wilderness . Soaring about treetops and towns , the duck symbolized to its tame counterparts , who could not fly , the epitome of freedom . One evening during fall migration , he chanced to light in a barnyard where a farmer was feeding his ducks . The beautiful creature ate the corn the farmer sprinkled about and liked it so much that he stayed the night in a bed of warm straw . He ate the duck 's corn again the next day . And the next . And the next . . . . When spring came , he heard his old companions flying overhead and an almost forgotten yearning awoke deep within him . The duck had all but squelched his instinct for freedom over the comfortable and easy winter . But now he yearned to join his comrades in the sky . He flapped his stretched wings as he strained toward the flock , but he had grown fat and indolent and unable to fly . The wild duck had become a tame duck . The easy way through our problems , though appealing , may not be the best way . ( Remember . . . the only place you will find success before work is in the dictionary ! ) . It 's always easier to borrow than to save ; easier to jump in now than to do the hard work of planning ; easier to postpone confronting a situation than to remedy it ; easier to cut corners than to do it right ; easier to remain the same than to make changes . If you want to fly , you may have to pay a price . But freedom is worth it - - at any cost ! Are you ready to soar ? When the great library of Alexandria burned , the story goes , one book was saved . But it was not a valuable book ; and so a poor man , who could read a little , bought it for a few coppers . The book wasn 't very interesting , but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed . It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the " Touchstone " ! The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold . The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it . But the secret was this : The real stone would feel warm , while ordinary pebbles are cold . So the man sold his few belongings , bought some simple supplies , camped on the seashore , and begantesting pebbles . He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold , he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times . So , when he felt one that was cold , he threw it into the sea . He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone . Yet he went on and on this way . Pick up a pebble . Cold - throw it into the sea . Pick up another . Throw it into the sea . The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months . One day , however , about midafternoon , he picked up a pebble and it was warm . He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done . He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along , he still threw it away . So it is with opportunity . Unless we are vigilant , it 's easy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand and it 's just as easy to throw it away . - Author Unknown A son and his father were walking on the mountains . Suddenly , his son falls , hurts himself and screams : " AAAhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! " To his surprise , he hears the voice repeating , somewhere in the mountain : " AAAhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! " Curious , he yells : " Who are you ? " He receives the answer : " Who are you ? " Angered at the response , he screams : " Coward ! " He receives the answer : " Coward ! " He looks to his father and asks : " What 's going on ? " The father smiles and says : " My son , pay attention . " And then he screams to the mountain : " I admire you ! " The voice answers : " I admire you ! " Again the man screams : " You are a champion ! " The voice answers : " You are a champion ! " The boy is surprised , but does not understand . Then the father explains : " People call this ECHO , but really this is LIFE . It gives you back everything you say or do . Our life is simply a reflection of our actions . If you want more love in the world , create more love in your heart . If you want more competence in your team , improve your competence . This relationship applies to everything , in all aspects of life ; Life will give you back everything you have given to it . " YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE . IT ' S A REFLECTION OF YOU ! - Author Unknown The man came home from work late again , tired and irritated , to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door . " Daddy , may I ask you a question ? " " Yeah sure son , what is it ? " replied the man . " Daddy , how much money do you make an hour ? " " That 's none of your business ! What makes you ask such a thing ? " the man said angrily . " I just want to know . Please tell me , how much do you make an hour ? " pleaded the little boy . " If you must know , I make $ 20 . 00 an hour . " " Oh , " the little boy replied , head bowed . Looking up , he said , " Daddy , may I borrow $ 10 . 00 please ? " The father was furious . " If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense , then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed . Think about why you 're being so selfish . I work long , hard hours everyday and don 't have time for such childish games . " The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door . The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy 's questioning . ' How dare him ask such questions only to get some money ! ' After an hour or so , the man had calmed down , and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son . Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 10 . 00 , and he really didn 't ask for money very often . The man went to the door of the little boy 's room and opened the door . " Are you asleep son ? " he asked . " No daddy , I 'm awake , " replied the boy . " I 've been thinking , " he said to his son . " Maybe I was too hard on you earlier . It 's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you . Here 's that $ 10 . 00 you asked for . " The little boy sat straight up , beaming . " Oh , thank you Daddy ! " he yelled . Then , reaching under his pillow , he pulled out some more crumpled up bills . The little boy slowly counted out his money , then looked up at the man . The man , seeing that the boy already had money , " Why did you want more money if you already had some ? " the father asked . " Because I didn 't have enough yet , " he said , " but now I do . " " Daddy , I Posted by There was a man walking on the beach who looked up and saw the most beautiful girl he had ever seen . He was awe struck , captured , stunned by her beauty . He could do nothing but forget everything and follow her . He was so intrigued by her beauty that he followed her for hours on the beach . For a long time she did not notice him following , but eventually the beautiful woman turned around and asked the man who he was , and why he was following her . The man explained that he was so captured by her beauty , that he had never seen any woman as beautiful as she was , that he could not help but to follow her , that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen , and would she be his . The woman replied , " I am very flattered at such a compliment , but surely this cannot be true , for if you had turned to look behind you , you would have seen my sister who has been following you , and she is ten times more beautiful than me . " The man turned to look , and saw a homely looking girl behind him . He turned to the other woman and said , " I 'm confused , your sister is not more beautiful than you . Why would you tell me that ? You lied to me . " The woman looked at him and said , " And you lied also , for you turned your head . " - author unknown - The basis of your life is choice ; the purpose of your life is happiness . You can choose to discover what makes you happy or you can choose a to go down a path of misery . If you should choose to discover happiness , your happiness will allow you to find peace and you will spread joy around you . If you should choose a life of confusion and misery , you will grow , but the growth will be in despair and you will spread this despair to those around you . Happiness is a choice . You can chose to be happy or you can chose to be angry . The choice is always yours . It is as easy to be happy , as it is easy to be angry . All you have to do is make the choice as to the path you will take . Imagine happiness and it will be yours . Ask yourself what makes you happy and then think why you want it . When you do this the essence of your desire will be activated . You will start to uncover inner feelings about yourself . Listen to your inner voice . You will start to understand your desires and you will be able to act on them . Remember never to assume anything . You do not know what others think and 9 out of 10 you will be wrong . Being judgement only leads you to judge yourself . All of those imperfections that you see in others are only reflections of what you fear yourself to be . This only leads to anger and resentmentAnger , resentment , despair , all of these things need to be let go . These feelings will do you no good and only bring you misery . Try to look at everything in life in a positive way . Believe it or not , there is always something positive in anything we deem negative . Give yourself a chance to be happy . Love yourself , be kind to yourself , and remember everyone deserves to be happy . - author unknown - When I was young my mother would look for remedies to cure my hurts and sickness . Some of these remedies worked while others did not . Among all of the home remedies she tried , the ones that seemed to work best were the ones that made me feel loved , important and wanted . There was just something about feeling loved and knowing I was important that made all of my problems seem to go away . The best home remedy for the soul I have ever encountered is knowing how much my life mattered , knowing that I was important and someone cared . Unfortunately as I grew older I felt my life did not matter . The pressures of life left me feeling that I was no good , not important , and not needed . Self - doubt filled me ; thoughts of not being good enough consumed me . I longed for someone to prove to me that I was worth living . My soul ached for the remedies I knew as a child , and I thought I would never see them again . Fortunately the human spirit has a resolve that can be found in the darkest despair . If you look hard enough within , you will meet the person who will show you the reason you are here . It will not come from a place you expect , but rather a quiet inner voice of someone familiar . If you listen , you will discover that it is not someone else who will remedy your soul , just you . Once I discovered that feeling needed and wanted had to come from within first , I was able to move on with my life . I met someone who could understand me and made me feel wanted . I married and had children of my own . Looking inside myself I discovered that what I was looking for was already inside me . I did not have to look to others to find love or feelings of being needed . They were there inside of me all along . As I spend time trying to find remedies that would cure my own children 's sickness . I find again that love and making them feel wanted seems to be the best medicine for any hurt . Of all the things I have experience in life ; I have learned that life is much easier when you know you matter , but first you have to matter to yourself . To find remedies Posted by Time , how we all wish we could have more time . Ultimately , this is the single most important commodity in life . Among all of the things we value most , time is the only thing that can never be regained or replaced once it has been spent . Life is a hard teacher . It shows us that we can have anything we want , but not everything we want . Physically each of us can only put his or her body in one place at one time . There are only 24 hours per day , 365 days per year and each of us only have an allotted number of years to do what we want in life . These are real limits that we cannot change . These time limits are also compounded by the fact that we are forced to spend most of our time taking care of ourselves ; like eating , sleeping , washing , and of course making money to take care of ourselves . When you think about it , you could ask how we have any time to spend on anything else . Since our time here is limited it is important that we use this time well . Life provides no dress rehearsals ; each one of us gets only one chance at this life . The best thing we can do for ourselves is to carefully choose how we spend our time , right from the beginning , and if we make mistakes , we should learn from them and rectify them if possible . Once we are sure of our choices , then we should commit to them , act on them , and never look back . We can have anything but not everything . We should not look back . This is the past and you cannot change the past . Looking back provides nothing of value , and only makes you second guess the future . I believe that we are doing the best we can with the knowledge we have . It is important to remember that life is a succession of choices . Many of us avoid risks that are involved in moving toward what we want . We do this to be safe and stay comfortable . The fear of finding ourselves outside of our comfort zones only leads to more fear . We will find ourselves trapped in lives that we do now want and doing things we really do not want to do . If we should chose to fight the fear we have inside , we will end up doing Posted by Do you ever just stop for a moment and clear your mind ? Try it . Think of nothing , let everything go . Let go of your anxieties . Let go of your troubles , even if it is just for a moment . Now look around you . You will see that the world exists without your troubles . Every blade of grass , each cloud in the sky , each person that passes you by , they do not share your troubles . So let your troubles go , even if it is only for a moment . Your soul will appreciate the break . Remember life keeps going , even when you think you can 't . Do not be so hard on yourself or others , everyone tries the best they can . So stop to take in the beauty around you . There is beauty in everything if you know how to look for it . Look at the beauty in the world . The world is filled with all kinds of possibilities . Every moment you clear your mind a dream is being born . Every dream is a window to opportunity . Do not let your anxieties and troubles tear the beauty of the world apart . You have the power to create . Try it , follow your heart . Remember these things : There is still love in the world . There is still goodness and joy . Know you are wanted and needed . And most importantly of all , enjoy being alive . - author unknown - A well - known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $ 20 . 00 bill . In the room of 200 , he asked , " Who would like this $ 20 bill ? " Hands started going up . He said , " I am going to give this $ 20 to one of you but first , let me do this . " He proceeded to crumple the $ 20 dollar bill up . He then asked , " Who still wants it ? " Still the hands were up in the air . " Well " , he replied , " What if I do this ? " And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe . He picked it up , now crumpled and dirty . " Now who still wants it ? " Still the hands went into the air . " My friends , we have all learned a very valuable lesson " , he said , " No matter what I did to the money , you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value . It was still worth $ 20 . Many times in our lives , we are dropped , crumpled , and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way . We feel as though we are worthless . But no matter what has happened or what will happen , you will never lose your value . Dirty or clean , crumpled or finely creased , you are still priceless . . . . and especially to those who love you . The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know , but by WHO WE ARE . " You are special - Don 't EVER forget it . " - author unknown - Donna 's fourth grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past . The teacher 's desk was in front and faced the students . The bulletin board featured student work . In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom . Yet something seemed different that day I entered it for the first time . My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation of a training program that focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about themselves and take charge of their lives . Donna was one of the volunteer teachers who participated in this project . I took an empty seat in the back of the room and watched . All the students were working on a task , filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas . The ten - year - old student next to me was filling her page with " I Can ' ts " . " I can 't kick the soccer ball past second base . " " I can 't do long division with more than three numerals . " " I can 't get Debbie to like me . " Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up . She worked on with determination and persistence . I walked down the row glancing at student 's papers . Everyone was writing sentences , describing things they couldn 't do . By this time the activity engaged my curiosity , so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on but I noticed she too was busy writing . I felt it best not to interrupt . " I can 't get John 's mother to come for a teacher conference . " " I can 't get my daughter to put gas in the car . " " I can 't get Alan to use words instead of fists . " Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of writing the more positive " I Can " statements , I returned to my seat and continued my observations . Students wrote for another ten minutes . They were then instructed to fold the papers in half and bring them to the front . They placed their " I Can 't " statements into an empty shoe box . Then Donna added hers . She put the lid on the box , tucked it under her arm and headed out the Posted by - Author Unknown - She had been shopping with her Mom in Wal - Mart . She must have been 6 years old , this beautiful red haired , freckle faced image of innocence . It was pouring outside . The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters , so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout . We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Wal - Mart . We waited , some patiently , others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day . I am always mesmerized by rainfall . I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world . Memories were a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day . Her voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in , " Mom , let 's run through the rain , " she said . " What ? " Mom asked . " Let 's run through the rain ! " She repeated . " No , honey . We 'll wait until it slows down a bit , " Mom replied . This young child waited about another minute and repeated : " Mom , let 's run through the rain . " " We 'll get soaked if we do , " Mom said . " No , we won 't , Mom . That 's not what you said this morning , " the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom 's arm . " This morning ? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet ? " " Don 't you remember ? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer , you said , ' If God can get us through this , he can get us through anything ! " The entire crowd stopped dead silent . I swear you couldn 't hear anything but the rain . We all stood silently . No one came or left in the next few minutes . Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say . Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly . Some might even ignore what was said . But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child 's life . A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith . " Honey , you are absolutely right . Let 's run through the rain . If GOD let 's us get wet , well maybe we just needed washing , " Mom said . Then off they ran . We all stood watching , smiling and laughing as they dartPosted by |
The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside , just before putting him into the box . " There are 5 things you need to know , " he told the pencil , " Before I send you out into the world . Always remember them and never forget , and you will become the best pencil you can be . " " One : You will be able to do many great things , but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone 's hand . " " Two : You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time , but you 'll need it to become a better pencil . " " Three : You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make . " " Four : The most important part of you will always be what 's inside . " " And Five : On every surface you are used on , you must leave your mark . No matter what the condition , you must continue to write . " The pencil understood and promised to remember , and went into the box with purpose in its heart . Now replacing the place of the pencil with you . Always remember them and never forget , and you will become the best person you can be . One : You will be able to do many great things , but only if you allow yourself to be held in God 's hand . And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess . Two : You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time , by going through various problems in life , but you 'll need it to become a stronger person . Three : You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make . Four : The most important part of you will always be what 's on the inside . And Five : On every surface you walk through , you must leave your mark . No matter what the situation , you must continue to do your duties . Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish . Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change . Author Unknown Many years ago three soldiers , hungry and weary of battle , came upon a small village . The villagers , suffering a meager harvest and the many years of war , quickly hid what little they had to eat and met the three at the village square , wringing their hands and bemoaning the lack of anything to eat . The soldiers spoke quietly among themselves and the first soldier then turned to the village elders . " Your tired fields have left you nothing to share , so we will share what little we have : the secret of how to make soup from stones . " Naturally the villagers were intrigued and soon a fire was put to the town 's greatest kettle as the soldiers dropped in three smooth stones . " Now this will be a fine soup " , said the second soldier ; " but a pinch of salt and some parsley would make it wonderful ! " Up jumped a villager , crying " What luck ! I 've just remembered where some 's been left ! " And off she ran , returning with an apronful of parsley and a turnip . As the kettle boiled on , the memory of the village improved : soon barley , carrots , beef and cream had found their way into the great pot . They ate and danced and sang well into the night , refreshed by the feast and their new - found friends . In the morning the three soldiers awoke to find the entire village standing before them . At their feet lay a satchel of the village 's best breads and cheese . " You have given us the greatest of gifts : the secret of how to make soup from stones " , said an elder , " and we shall never forget . " The third soldier turned to the crowd , and said : " There is no secret , but this is certain : it is only by sharing that we may make a feast " . And off the soldiers wandered , down the road . - Author Unknown - Long ago in a small , far away village , there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors . A small , happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit . When he arrived , he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house . He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could . To his great surprise , he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his . He smiled a great smile , and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly . As he left the House , he thought to himself , " This is a wonderful place . I will come back and visit it often . " In this same village , another little dog , who was not quite as happy as the first one , decided to visit the house . He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door . When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him , he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him . As he left , he thought to himself , " That is a horrible place , and I will never go back there again . " All the faces in the world are mirrors . What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet ? There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace . Many artists tried . The king looked at all the pictures . But there were only two he really liked , and he had to choose between them . One picture was of a calm lake . The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around it . Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds . All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace . The other picture had mountains , too . But these were rugged and bare . Above was an angry sky , from which rain fell and in which lightning played . Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall . This did not look peaceful at all . But when the king looked closely , he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock . In the bush a mother bird had built her nest . There , in the midst of the rush of angry water , sat the mother bird on her nest - in perfect peace . Which picture do you think won the prize ? The king chose the second picture . Do you know why ? " Because , " explained the king , " peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise , trouble , or hard work . Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart . That is the real meaning of peace . " A long time ago , there was a huge apple tree . A little boy loved to come and play around it every day . He loved the tree top , ate the apples , took a nap under the shadow . . . He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him . Time went by . . . . . . . The little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree everyday . One day the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad . " Come play with me , " the tree asked the boy . I am no longer a kid , I don 't ' play around trees anymore . " The boy replied , " I want toys . I need money to buy them . " " Sorry , but I don 't have money . . . . . but you can pick my apples and sell them . Then you will have money . " The boy was so excited . He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily . The boy never came back after he picked the apples . The tree was sad . One day the boy returned and the tree was so excited . " Come and play with me " the tree said . I don 't have time to play . I have to work for my family . We need a house for shelter . Can you help me ? " Sorry but I don 't have a house . But you can chop off my branches to build your house . " So the boy cut all the branches off the tree and left happily . The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then . The tree was lonely and sad . One hot summer day , the boy returned and the tree was so delighted . " Come and play with me ! " the tree said . " I am so sad and getting old . I want to go sailing to relax myself . Can you give me a boat ? " " Use my trunk to build your boat . You can sail far away and be happy . " So the boy cut the tree trunk to make a boat . He went sailing and never showed up for a very long long time . Finally , the boy returned after he left for so many years . " Sorry , my boy , but I don 't have anything for you anymore . No more apples for yo u . . . . " the tree said " . " I don 't have teeth to bite " the boy replied . " No more trunk for you to climb on " I am too old for that now " the boy said . " I really can 't give you anything . . . . . the only thing left is my dying roots " the tree said with tears . " I don 't need much now , just a Posted by A little girl walked daily to and from school . Though the weather this particular morning was questionable and clouds were forming , she made her trek to the elementary school . As the afternoon progressed , the winds whipped up , along with thunder and lightning . The child 's mother , concerned that her daughter would be frightened and possibly harmed by the storm got into her car and drove along the route to her child 's school . As she did so , she saw her little daughter walking along happily but at each flash of lightning the child would stop , look up , and smile . Stopping the car , the mother called to the child to get in with her . As they drove toward school , the girl continued to turn toward each lightning flash and smile . The Mother asked , " What are you doing ? " The child answered , " Well , I must do this , God keeps taking pictures of me . " Once there was a woman whose only son had died . In her sorrow she went to ask a wise holy man is there a way to bring her son back to life . " Fetch me a mustard seed from a home that has never known sorrow . We will use it to bring your son back to life . " He said to her instead of sending her away or try reasoning with her . At once she quickly set off looking for that elusive mustard seed . The first place she came to is a huge mansion . Knocking on the door , she asked " I am looking for a house that has never known suffering . Is this the place ? It is very important to me . " " You have come to the wrong place " they told her . They begin to pour out all the tragic things that have befallen upon them . " Who is better to be able to help these poor unfortunate souls than I who has experience sadness and can understand them ? " she thought . Therefore she stayed behind and consoled and comforted them before going to another house that has never known sorrow before . However , wherever she goes , from huts to palaces , there is never one without tales of sadness and misfortunes . In time to come , she became so involved in listening to other people 's sad stories that she forgot about her quest for that elusive mustard seed . By listening to other people , she had actually driven the grieving out of her life . - Author Unknown - What should be our legacy of love be ? Here is something for you to ponder about . As a young man , Al was a skilled artist , a potter . He had a wife and two fine sons . One night , his oldest son developed a severe stomachache . Thinking it was only some common intestinal disorder , neither Al nor his wife took the condition very seriously . But the malady was actually acute appendicitis , and the boy died suddenly that night . Knowing the death could have been prevented if he had only realized the seriousness of the situation , Al 's emotional health deteriorated under the enormous burden of his guilt . To make matters worse his wife left him a short time later , leaving him alone with his six - year - old younger son . The hurt and pain of the two situations were more than Al could handle , and he turned to alcohol to help him cope . In time Al became an alcoholic . As the alcoholism progressed , Al began to lose everything he possessed - his home , his land , his art objects , everything . Eventually Al died alone in a San Francisco motel room . When I heard of Al 's death , I reacted with the same disdain the world shows for one who ends his life with nothing material to show for it . " What a complete failure ! " I thought . " What a totally wasted life ! " As time went by , I began to re - evaluate my earlier harsh judgment . You see , I knew Al 's now adult son , Ernie . He is one of the kindest , most caring , most loving men I have ever known . I watched Ernie with his children and saw the free flow of love between them . I knew that kindness and caring had to come from somewhere . I hadn 't heard Ernie talk much about his father . It is so hard to defend an alcoholic . One day I worked up my courage to ask him . " I 'm really puzzled by something , " I said . " I know your father was basically the only one to raise you . What on earth did he do that you became such a special person ? " Ernie sat quietly and reflected for a few moments . Then he said , " From my earliest memories as a child until I left home at 18 , Al came into my room every night , gave me a kiss and said , ' I lPosted by Many years ago , Norman Cousins was diagnosed as " terminally ill . " He was given six months to live . His chance for recovery was one in 500 . He could see the worry , depression and anger in his life contributed to , and perhaps helped cause , his disease . He wondered , " If illness can be caused by negativity , can wellness be created by positivity ? " He decided to make an experiment of himself . Laughing was one of the most positive activities he knew . He rented all the funny movies he could find - Keaton , Chaplin , Fields , the Marx Brothers . ( This was before VCRs , so he had to rent the actual films . ) He read funny stories . He asked his friends to call him whenever they said , heard or did something funny . His pain was so great he could not sleep . Laughing for 10 solid minutes , he found , relieved the pain for several hours so he could sleep . He fully recovered from his illness and lived another 20 happy , healthy and productive years . ( His journey is detailed in his book , Anatomy of an Illness . ) He credits visualization , the love of his family and friends , and laughing for his recovery . Some people think laughing is a waste of time . It is a luxury , they say , a frivolity , something to indulge in only every so often . Nothing could be further from the truth . Laughing is essential to our equilibrium , to our well - being , to our aliveness . If we 're not well , laughing helps us get well ; if we are well , laughing helps us stay that way . Since Cousins ' ground - breaking subjective work , scientific studies have shown that laughter has a curative effect on the body , the mind and the emotions . So , if you like laughing , consider it sound medical advice to indulge in it as often as you can . If you don 't like laughter , then take your medicine - laugh anyway . Use whatever makes you laugh - movies , sitcoms , Monty Python , records , books , New Yorker cartoons , jokes , friends . Give yourself permission to laugh - long and loud and out loud - whenever anything strikes you as funny . The people around you may think you 're strange , but sooner or later they 'll jPosted by Once there was a monk who lived in a village . One day a young village girl became pregnant and was unmarried . She did not want to expose her boyfriend . Out of fear when her parents asked her who is responsible , she pointed her finger to that monk . Her parents were infuriated . The next day , the whole village turned up to blame the him . " How could you ? " " You dirty old man ! " " You are a disgrace ! " " Get out of our village , you hypocrite ! " Some villagers even threaten the his life . After listening to all the accusations , what he said was " Is that so ? " and went back to meditate . Months went by ; the young girl gave birth to a baby . The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child . The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying " You are responsible for this baby ; therefore you should bring up the baby ! " Once again , he said " Is that so ? " He took the young baby in his arms and went back . By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him . He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors . After a year , he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby . She finally told the real story to her parents . When all the villagers came to know the truth , they all felt ashamed of having wrong him . So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness . Once again , after listening to them said " Is that so ? " He handed the baby back to the young girl . When you are right , one thousand angels swearing that you are wrong does not matter . But when you are wrong , ten thousand angels swearing that you are right will not make any difference . Once upon a time , there was a large mountainside , where an eagle 's nest rested . The eagle 's nest contained four large eagle eggs . One day an earthquake rocked the mountain causing one of the eggs to roll down the mountain , to a chicken farm , located in the valley below . The chickens knew that the must protect and care for the eagle 's egg , so an old hen volunteered to nurture and raise the large egg . One day , the egg hatched and a beautiful eagle was born . Sadly , however , the eagle was raised to be a chicken . Soon , the eagle believed he was nothing more than a chicken . The eagle loved his home and family , but his spirit cried out for more . While playing a game on the farm one day , the eagle looked to the skies above and noticed a group of mighty eagles soaring in the skies . " Oh , " the Eagle cried , " I wish I could soar like those birds . " The chickens roared with laughter , " You cannot soar with those birds . You are a chicken and chickens do not soar . " The eagle continued staring , at his real family up above , dreaming that he could be with them . Each time the eagle would let his dreams be known , he was told it couldn 't be done . That is what the eagle learned to believe . The eagle , after time , stopped dreaming and continued to live his life like a chicken . Finally , after a long life as a chicken , the eagle passed away . The moral of the story : You become what you believe you are ; so if you ever dream to become an eagle follow your dreams , not the words of a chicken . - Author Unknown - There was once an old wise man who live on top of a mountain . ( I don 't know why the wise men always like to stay on top of mountains . ) Whenever the villagers had a problem , they would climb up the mountain and ask the old man for advice . One day a young man decided to climb up and ask the old man a question . " Wise man , " he asked , " What makes a man truly great ? " The old man looked at him and said , " Do you sincerely want to know ? " " Yes , yes ! " the young man replied the wise man . " Well , " the wise old man said to him , " Let me tell you in the form of a story " There was once a Greek man who suffered from a deadly disease . Knowing that he will die soon , he was the first to join the army when his country was in a battle with the enemy . Hoping to die in battle , he would fight in the front line , exposing himself without any worry for his life . Eventually they won the battle and he was still alive . His general was so impressed with his bravery which contributed much to the victory . The general decided to promote him and award him with medals of bravery and honor . On the day of presentation , he was looking very down and sad . Curiously , the general asked him the reason why and was told of his deadly disease . " How could I let such a brave soldier die ? " , the general thought . So the general hired the best physician and finally cured the soldier . But from that day onwards , the once valiant soldier was no longer seen at the front . He would always avoid danger and tries his best to avoid danger and protect his life . " Young man " , he wise man said , " if you want to be truly great , you must not be scared of dying , you must be daring . " - Author Unknown - Today , I reaffirmed a personal commitment to be happy , in spite of what life hands me . I 've decided that there are too many things over which I have no control , and the only thing I can do is to stop allowing them to make dents in my spirit . Happiness is not something that others can take from me . It 's something that I would have to throw away on my own . There will be times when things don 't turn out the way I want them to . My best friend at work may turn out to be a power - hungry corporate animal that backstabs me at every opportunity . The promotion I worked so hard for may go to someone else . My partner might decide to leave me , a day before we are due to go for a vacation together . I may lose most of my savings in a market crash . These are things that can happen to the most loving , compassionate , careful and reasonable person . But after the initial pain and shock , the decision whether or not to let myself languish in despair is entirely up to me . I can allow misfortune to form the bulk of my life , or I can choose to leave what 's past in the past , and move on . One 's friendly and caring behavior towards others should not be motivated by the thought of equally kind and affectionate responses . You understand yourself best , and regardless of how reasonably and responsibly you live your life , there will be people who won 't see your point of view or share your motivations . People have the right to act in any way they see fit . I don 't have the right to judge whether their behavior is acceptable or not . They have to bear the responsibility for their own actions , and so do I . By feeling sorry for myself , I am simply continuing the work for them , long after they 've dealt their blow . I 've decided that , as far as possible , I will not allow these people to disturb my mind . There are many things for which I can be grateful . There are yet unexplored experiences in which I can find enrichment and meaning . There are yet others who will like me for who I am , and in spite of who I am . If I spend my time being resentful and miserable , I ' Posted by You may not be a grey - haired sage of 80 , but the truths of life are revealed throughout your lifetime . Although no one can claim to know all there is to know about life , you must have some idea . Well , here 's what someone learnt about life : Don 't go for looks . It can deceive . Don 't go for wealth , for even that fades away . Go for someone who makes you smile , because only a smile can make a dark day seem bright . It 's true that we don 't know what we 've got until we lose it . But it 's also true that we don 't know what we 've been missing until it arrives . Always put yourself in others ' shoes . If you feel that it hurts you , it probably does hurt the person too . A careless word may kindle strife . A cruel word may wreck a life . A timely word may level stress . A loving word may heal and bless . Love is when you take away the feeling , the passion , and the romance , and you find that you still care for that person . The happiest of people don 't necessarily have the best of everything . They just make the best of everything that comes their way . Sometimes , the most extensive article may say very little or nothing to you , but a short and simple phrase says it all . Have you ever been tempted to cut a corner or to take the easiest route , though you know it may not necessarily be the best one ? Or have you ever made a decision because it was quick and simple , knowing that it might come back to bite you later ? I appreciate a parable Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard told about the dangers of taking the easy route . It is a story about a wild duck . Though life was difficult at times , the beautiful creature loved the boundless heavens and the endless stretches of wilderness . Soaring about treetops and towns , the duck symbolized to its tame counterparts , who could not fly , the epitome of freedom . One evening during fall migration , he chanced to light in a barnyard where a farmer was feeding his ducks . The beautiful creature ate the corn the farmer sprinkled about and liked it so much that he stayed the night in a bed of warm straw . He ate the duck 's corn again the next day . And the next . And the next . . . . When spring came , he heard his old companions flying overhead and an almost forgotten yearning awoke deep within him . The duck had all but squelched his instinct for freedom over the comfortable and easy winter . But now he yearned to join his comrades in the sky . He flapped his stretched wings as he strained toward the flock , but he had grown fat and indolent and unable to fly . The wild duck had become a tame duck . The easy way through our problems , though appealing , may not be the best way . ( Remember . . . the only place you will find success before work is in the dictionary ! ) . It 's always easier to borrow than to save ; easier to jump in now than to do the hard work of planning ; easier to postpone confronting a situation than to remedy it ; easier to cut corners than to do it right ; easier to remain the same than to make changes . If you want to fly , you may have to pay a price . But freedom is worth it - - at any cost ! Are you ready to soar ? When the great library of Alexandria burned , the story goes , one book was saved . But it was not a valuable book ; and so a poor man , who could read a little , bought it for a few coppers . The book wasn 't very interesting , but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed . It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the " Touchstone " ! The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold . The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it . But the secret was this : The real stone would feel warm , while ordinary pebbles are cold . So the man sold his few belongings , bought some simple supplies , camped on the seashore , and begantesting pebbles . He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold , he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times . So , when he felt one that was cold , he threw it into the sea . He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone . Yet he went on and on this way . Pick up a pebble . Cold - throw it into the sea . Pick up another . Throw it into the sea . The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months . One day , however , about midafternoon , he picked up a pebble and it was warm . He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done . He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along , he still threw it away . So it is with opportunity . Unless we are vigilant , it 's easy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand and it 's just as easy to throw it away . - Author Unknown A son and his father were walking on the mountains . Suddenly , his son falls , hurts himself and screams : " AAAhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! " To his surprise , he hears the voice repeating , somewhere in the mountain : " AAAhhhhhhhhhhh ! ! ! " Curious , he yells : " Who are you ? " He receives the answer : " Who are you ? " Angered at the response , he screams : " Coward ! " He receives the answer : " Coward ! " He looks to his father and asks : " What 's going on ? " The father smiles and says : " My son , pay attention . " And then he screams to the mountain : " I admire you ! " The voice answers : " I admire you ! " Again the man screams : " You are a champion ! " The voice answers : " You are a champion ! " The boy is surprised , but does not understand . Then the father explains : " People call this ECHO , but really this is LIFE . It gives you back everything you say or do . Our life is simply a reflection of our actions . If you want more love in the world , create more love in your heart . If you want more competence in your team , improve your competence . This relationship applies to everything , in all aspects of life ; Life will give you back everything you have given to it . " YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE . IT ' S A REFLECTION OF YOU ! - Author Unknown The man came home from work late again , tired and irritated , to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door . " Daddy , may I ask you a question ? " " Yeah sure son , what is it ? " replied the man . " Daddy , how much money do you make an hour ? " " That 's none of your business ! What makes you ask such a thing ? " the man said angrily . " I just want to know . Please tell me , how much do you make an hour ? " pleaded the little boy . " If you must know , I make $ 20 . 00 an hour . " " Oh , " the little boy replied , head bowed . Looking up , he said , " Daddy , may I borrow $ 10 . 00 please ? " The father was furious . " If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense , then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed . Think about why you 're being so selfish . I work long , hard hours everyday and don 't have time for such childish games . " The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door . The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy 's questioning . ' How dare him ask such questions only to get some money ! ' After an hour or so , the man had calmed down , and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son . Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 10 . 00 , and he really didn 't ask for money very often . The man went to the door of the little boy 's room and opened the door . " Are you asleep son ? " he asked . " No daddy , I 'm awake , " replied the boy . " I 've been thinking , " he said to his son . " Maybe I was too hard on you earlier . It 's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you . Here 's that $ 10 . 00 you asked for . " The little boy sat straight up , beaming . " Oh , thank you Daddy ! " he yelled . Then , reaching under his pillow , he pulled out some more crumpled up bills . The little boy slowly counted out his money , then looked up at the man . The man , seeing that the boy already had money , " Why did you want more money if you already had some ? " the father asked . " Because I didn 't have enough yet , " he said , " but now I do . " " Daddy , I Posted by There was a man walking on the beach who looked up and saw the most beautiful girl he had ever seen . He was awe struck , captured , stunned by her beauty . He could do nothing but forget everything and follow her . He was so intrigued by her beauty that he followed her for hours on the beach . For a long time she did not notice him following , but eventually the beautiful woman turned around and asked the man who he was , and why he was following her . The man explained that he was so captured by her beauty , that he had never seen any woman as beautiful as she was , that he could not help but to follow her , that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen , and would she be his . The woman replied , " I am very flattered at such a compliment , but surely this cannot be true , for if you had turned to look behind you , you would have seen my sister who has been following you , and she is ten times more beautiful than me . " The man turned to look , and saw a homely looking girl behind him . He turned to the other woman and said , " I 'm confused , your sister is not more beautiful than you . Why would you tell me that ? You lied to me . " The woman looked at him and said , " And you lied also , for you turned your head . " - author unknown - The basis of your life is choice ; the purpose of your life is happiness . You can choose to discover what makes you happy or you can choose a to go down a path of misery . If you should choose to discover happiness , your happiness will allow you to find peace and you will spread joy around you . If you should choose a life of confusion and misery , you will grow , but the growth will be in despair and you will spread this despair to those around you . Happiness is a choice . You can chose to be happy or you can chose to be angry . The choice is always yours . It is as easy to be happy , as it is easy to be angry . All you have to do is make the choice as to the path you will take . Imagine happiness and it will be yours . Ask yourself what makes you happy and then think why you want it . When you do this the essence of your desire will be activated . You will start to uncover inner feelings about yourself . Listen to your inner voice . You will start to understand your desires and you will be able to act on them . Remember never to assume anything . You do not know what others think and 9 out of 10 you will be wrong . Being judgement only leads you to judge yourself . All of those imperfections that you see in others are only reflections of what you fear yourself to be . This only leads to anger and resentmentAnger , resentment , despair , all of these things need to be let go . These feelings will do you no good and only bring you misery . Try to look at everything in life in a positive way . Believe it or not , there is always something positive in anything we deem negative . Give yourself a chance to be happy . Love yourself , be kind to yourself , and remember everyone deserves to be happy . - author unknown - When I was young my mother would look for remedies to cure my hurts and sickness . Some of these remedies worked while others did not . Among all of the home remedies she tried , the ones that seemed to work best were the ones that made me feel loved , important and wanted . There was just something about feeling loved and knowing I was important that made all of my problems seem to go away . The best home remedy for the soul I have ever encountered is knowing how much my life mattered , knowing that I was important and someone cared . Unfortunately as I grew older I felt my life did not matter . The pressures of life left me feeling that I was no good , not important , and not needed . Self - doubt filled me ; thoughts of not being good enough consumed me . I longed for someone to prove to me that I was worth living . My soul ached for the remedies I knew as a child , and I thought I would never see them again . Fortunately the human spirit has a resolve that can be found in the darkest despair . If you look hard enough within , you will meet the person who will show you the reason you are here . It will not come from a place you expect , but rather a quiet inner voice of someone familiar . If you listen , you will discover that it is not someone else who will remedy your soul , just you . Once I discovered that feeling needed and wanted had to come from within first , I was able to move on with my life . I met someone who could understand me and made me feel wanted . I married and had children of my own . Looking inside myself I discovered that what I was looking for was already inside me . I did not have to look to others to find love or feelings of being needed . They were there inside of me all along . As I spend time trying to find remedies that would cure my own children 's sickness . I find again that love and making them feel wanted seems to be the best medicine for any hurt . Of all the things I have experience in life ; I have learned that life is much easier when you know you matter , but first you have to matter to yourself . To find remedies Posted by Time , how we all wish we could have more time . Ultimately , this is the single most important commodity in life . Among all of the things we value most , time is the only thing that can never be regained or replaced once it has been spent . Life is a hard teacher . It shows us that we can have anything we want , but not everything we want . Physically each of us can only put his or her body in one place at one time . There are only 24 hours per day , 365 days per year and each of us only have an allotted number of years to do what we want in life . These are real limits that we cannot change . These time limits are also compounded by the fact that we are forced to spend most of our time taking care of ourselves ; like eating , sleeping , washing , and of course making money to take care of ourselves . When you think about it , you could ask how we have any time to spend on anything else . Since our time here is limited it is important that we use this time well . Life provides no dress rehearsals ; each one of us gets only one chance at this life . The best thing we can do for ourselves is to carefully choose how we spend our time , right from the beginning , and if we make mistakes , we should learn from them and rectify them if possible . Once we are sure of our choices , then we should commit to them , act on them , and never look back . We can have anything but not everything . We should not look back . This is the past and you cannot change the past . Looking back provides nothing of value , and only makes you second guess the future . I believe that we are doing the best we can with the knowledge we have . It is important to remember that life is a succession of choices . Many of us avoid risks that are involved in moving toward what we want . We do this to be safe and stay comfortable . The fear of finding ourselves outside of our comfort zones only leads to more fear . We will find ourselves trapped in lives that we do now want and doing things we really do not want to do . If we should chose to fight the fear we have inside , we will end up doing Posted by Do you ever just stop for a moment and clear your mind ? Try it . Think of nothing , let everything go . Let go of your anxieties . Let go of your troubles , even if it is just for a moment . Now look around you . You will see that the world exists without your troubles . Every blade of grass , each cloud in the sky , each person that passes you by , they do not share your troubles . So let your troubles go , even if it is only for a moment . Your soul will appreciate the break . Remember life keeps going , even when you think you can 't . Do not be so hard on yourself or others , everyone tries the best they can . So stop to take in the beauty around you . There is beauty in everything if you know how to look for it . Look at the beauty in the world . The world is filled with all kinds of possibilities . Every moment you clear your mind a dream is being born . Every dream is a window to opportunity . Do not let your anxieties and troubles tear the beauty of the world apart . You have the power to create . Try it , follow your heart . Remember these things : There is still love in the world . There is still goodness and joy . Know you are wanted and needed . And most importantly of all , enjoy being alive . - author unknown - A well - known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $ 20 . 00 bill . In the room of 200 , he asked , " Who would like this $ 20 bill ? " Hands started going up . He said , " I am going to give this $ 20 to one of you but first , let me do this . " He proceeded to crumple the $ 20 dollar bill up . He then asked , " Who still wants it ? " Still the hands were up in the air . " Well " , he replied , " What if I do this ? " And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe . He picked it up , now crumpled and dirty . " Now who still wants it ? " Still the hands went into the air . " My friends , we have all learned a very valuable lesson " , he said , " No matter what I did to the money , you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value . It was still worth $ 20 . Many times in our lives , we are dropped , crumpled , and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way . We feel as though we are worthless . But no matter what has happened or what will happen , you will never lose your value . Dirty or clean , crumpled or finely creased , you are still priceless . . . . and especially to those who love you . The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know , but by WHO WE ARE . " You are special - Don 't EVER forget it . " - author unknown - Donna 's fourth grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past . The teacher 's desk was in front and faced the students . The bulletin board featured student work . In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom . Yet something seemed different that day I entered it for the first time . My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation of a training program that focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about themselves and take charge of their lives . Donna was one of the volunteer teachers who participated in this project . I took an empty seat in the back of the room and watched . All the students were working on a task , filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas . The ten - year - old student next to me was filling her page with " I Can ' ts " . " I can 't kick the soccer ball past second base . " " I can 't do long division with more than three numerals . " " I can 't get Debbie to like me . " Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up . She worked on with determination and persistence . I walked down the row glancing at student 's papers . Everyone was writing sentences , describing things they couldn 't do . By this time the activity engaged my curiosity , so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on but I noticed she too was busy writing . I felt it best not to interrupt . " I can 't get John 's mother to come for a teacher conference . " " I can 't get my daughter to put gas in the car . " " I can 't get Alan to use words instead of fists . " Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of writing the more positive " I Can " statements , I returned to my seat and continued my observations . Students wrote for another ten minutes . They were then instructed to fold the papers in half and bring them to the front . They placed their " I Can 't " statements into an empty shoe box . Then Donna added hers . She put the lid on the box , tucked it under her arm and headed out the Posted by - Author Unknown - She had been shopping with her Mom in Wal - Mart . She must have been 6 years old , this beautiful red haired , freckle faced image of innocence . It was pouring outside . The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters , so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout . We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Wal - Mart . We waited , some patiently , others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day . I am always mesmerized by rainfall . I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world . Memories were a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day . Her voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in , " Mom , let 's run through the rain , " she said . " What ? " Mom asked . " Let 's run through the rain ! " She repeated . " No , honey . We 'll wait until it slows down a bit , " Mom replied . This young child waited about another minute and repeated : " Mom , let 's run through the rain . " " We 'll get soaked if we do , " Mom said . " No , we won 't , Mom . That 's not what you said this morning , " the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom 's arm . " This morning ? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet ? " " Don 't you remember ? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer , you said , ' If God can get us through this , he can get us through anything ! " The entire crowd stopped dead silent . I swear you couldn 't hear anything but the rain . We all stood silently . No one came or left in the next few minutes . Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say . Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly . Some might even ignore what was said . But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child 's life . A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith . " Honey , you are absolutely right . Let 's run through the rain . If GOD let 's us get wet , well maybe we just needed washing , " Mom said . Then off they ran . We all stood watching , smiling and laughing as they dartPosted by |
It 's been a few weeks since my last blog , I 've been busy . I 'm in the last week of my semester and this is supposed to be my final blog post for my English class , but for those who have been following and reading ( thank you , by the way ) , this blog is a long way from over . I have too much to say and I have found a haven for my honesty when I can 't show its face in my reality . So , in staying true to my theme , I have to get something off my chest that 's been bugging me for a long time . It 's personal , it 's hurtful - to me and by me to others , I 'm sure - but while everyone else has shared their opinions , I feel like mine hasn 't been heard . So even if it 's only my readers here that hear my personal and hurtful feelings , at least I know someone cared enough to listen . There is a line in the movie Devil 's Advocate by Charlize Theron 's character Maryanne . She says , " The only thing worse than not having a father was having mine . " I have seen a lot of movies and listened to a lot of songs in my day , and I 've never had a line resonate with me as much as that one . I can remember being about fourteen or fifteen years old and debating if I should just start telling people my dad was dead because it would be easier than explaining that he didn 't care about me as much as I loved him . I don 't really know where to start here because there are so many beginnings with my dad , my father , my … whatever . People define the word differently . The man who helped create me . I call him dad . I suppose I 'll start with my beginning . I 've been told by numerous witnesses to his crimes that my dad used to beat the hell out of my mom . There was a particular beat down on a popular urban suburban street in our town that became the do or die moment for her . " One more stomp , " my mom used to say . " One more stomp on my head and I would have been dead . " I heard a lot of stories about him from my mom . Most of them were validated , but a couple were missing witnesses because we had moved out to Texas when I was an infant and we literally had no one except him . They were horrible stories and admittedly , I understood immediately why she left to come back home . I was left puzzled , though , upon the realization that she had gone back to him when he returned , or maybe they returned together , I don 't know . What I do know is that some time later my mother found a way to escape , and it would set her pattern of escape for all future relationships . It was only through the security of another man , someone who she thought could protect her from the wrath of my dad that she was able to finally move on and out of the danger zone . I didn 't meet my dad again until I was eight years old . She married that guy . I remember it so vividly . I was about three years old and wearing a little white cotton dress . I don 't know if we were in the courthouse or a pastor 's office , but they had a short little " I do " session and that was it . I don 't know if I was encouraged to call him Daddy , but I did . He was all I knew . And he beat the hell out of me . Throughout the next few years of my life , I learned what it was like to have my mouth washed out with soap to make sure I didn 't tell a lie . I found out what it felt like to have a full grown man ( who was a stock manager and landscaper by day and weight lifter by night ) punch me in the stomach so hard I could feel my diaphragm in my throat . I felt the immediate clotting of blood and tissue under my skin from the buckle of the belt he used to wail on my small thighs for a crime I did not commit . I can still describe to you the significance of the sting of a Jakari paddle across either ( or both ) of my butt cheeks . ( If you don 't know what that is , imagine a ping pong paddle on a steroids and protein diet . ) What I can 't tell you is that he loved me like I was his own . I wasn 't his ; I was in his way . Eventually , after he 'd wrapped my mother 's pride and joy muscle car around two telephone poles and she had taken a year to nurse him back to near perfect health , he decided she was also in the way . He left her devastated and broken , and as she cried on our kitchen floor one day after work , I sat down next to her and put her head in my lap and caressed her hair till she fell asleep . Somewhere down the line she had fallen in love with him after he had rescued her . I understood that . I was nine years old . Don 't misunderstand . My mother did not stand by and watch me get beaten . She didn 't know . I didn 't tell her and he would never lay a hand on me in front of her . There were never any marks left behind for her to find until the last incident with the belt buckle . I 've always wondered if that was the beginning of the end for them . God knows her own abuse wasn 't enough to leave . Of course the beatings he gave her were few and far between , not anywhere close to what she and everyone else had described with my dad . But I remember those fights . I remember him shoving her against a wall and slapping her to the ground . The most memorable was the night he shoved her backwards through our screen door . I watched the whole thing with my neighbors from the sidewalk in front of my house . She laid on the kitchen floor and cried herself to sleep in my lap . I cried with her , but I cried because I was relieved . He was finally gone . I had met my dad briefly the year prior to that with the simple goal of collecting cash for a trip to Florida I was taking with my aunt . I can 't remember much about the meeting except that he was overly eager to give me the money to go and I was more than apprehensive to take it . I didn 't know the man giving me money . He said he was my dad but he didn 't look like me . Regardless of my dwindling comfort level , I took the money , went to Florida , and didn 't see him again for a couple more years . After my mom 's divorce was final , I started to become increasingly curious about who my dad really was . My mom slowly started coming around to the idea of me getting to know him and eventually she allowed me to make my first phone call to him . We arranged for me to go out and spend the day with him and his longtime girlfriend at a local camp ground . All I remember is that I so badly just wanted to call him Daddy . Daddy sounded nice and all my friends called their dads Daddy . I started to say it once and it sounded so awkward the word has never rolled off my tongue in reference to him since . By the time I saw him again , another year or two had passed and he had split with his girlfriend and moved on with a woman who was a mutual acquaintance with my mom . She had three of her own kids , the oldest of which was my age . While the mingling was a bit easier for me in the adjustment sense , her kids were heathens and being raised as an only child , I 'm quite sure that I was a spoiled brat . Combine this with the fact that , at the time , my dad would find every reason to leave whenever I came over , I spent more time learning to hate my visits with him than learning about him and my family . While I spent my time struggling to know my dad , my mom was learning about a new man in her life . He was different than my , now ex - stepdad . He was like a big kid and didn 't seem to have an aggressive bone in his body . He was smart , really smart , and hella creative . He was one of the best cartoonists I 'd ever seen and the Original Gangsta when it came to gaming . Throughout my adolescence , my house was the cool house because he had every game system and every single game for those game systems . The walls of the game room were covered in posters featuring characters from Final Fantasy VII , Sonic the Hedgehog , Golden Axe , Toe Jam and Earl and so many more . For years he sank countless hours and money into pointless gaming technology . Somewhere down that road , my mother decided she was tired of raising two kids and funding an addiction that was costing her thousands of dollars , but it wasn 't until after she filed for bankruptcy . While he was at work , mom and I watched these people come into our house and take our television , stereo , our furniture , her album collection , and countless other items that she had listed as collateral for a loan listed in the bankruptcy . When they left , she went to the curio cabinet , pulled out a jar candle and cut every credit card she owned into it and lit the wick . That night , they got into the biggest fight I had ever witnessed between my mother and any of her partners . I held up in my room , my door cracked ever so slightly so I could hear every word , and waited for him to go to bed so that I could run to my mother 's rescue . When I finally heard them go quiet , I opened my door to just peek and I saw my mother laid out on the floor face down with him beating down on her back with his fists . I must 've gasped or made a noise or something because he looked my direction and stopped abruptly and then left for a while . The next day , at all of fourteen years old and cool as a cucumber , I made a promise to him that if he ever laid another hand on my mother , I would kill him in his sleep . He spent four more years with us and didn 't touch her again . Somewhere in my teenage years , my dad decided that doing drugs was a good way to hold on to a woman , or pass the time , or whatever . He became addicted to what I assume is crack by the house he frequently stayed in . Those three heathens eventually went off to live with their own father because their mother , my father 's girlfriend , was a junkie too . Out of the blue one day , my mom received a phone call from the county jail asking her if he could come to our house and stay if he was released on his own recognizance . Feeling an obligation to me , she agreed and it was the first time I spent any substantial amount of time with in my life . He was messed up . He was a thief . He was an addict . He made excuses . He was a crappy human . He was so broken down , the only service my mom had actually done for me by letting him stay with us was letting me see how much better I was without him . I don 't know how long he stayed ; that whole time period is a blur . But it 's right around this time when my experiences with him and all of the events of my life with my mother really started to make my heart ache and the anger towards him started to fester and burn . I saw him a few times right after this and every time I just wanted to yell at him , scream and cry " why don 't you love me enough ? Why don 't you love me ? " I didn 't want the world . I just wanted him . I just wanted something constant , safe , secure , and happy . At some point he disappeared again , and I assumed he had gone on another binge , but I was wrong . In the summer of 1996 , he resurfaced as a new man with a new love interest . She was an awesome woman and really had her shit together . My dad seemed to have turned a new leave and had taken an unexpected interest in me all of a sudden . He called me up and asked if me and my boyfriend wanted to go with them and her family to an amusement park . I took him up on his offer and we had a fantastic day . The night turned out drastically different , though . On our way home , Dad decided to drive the back roads . We were hit head on by a drunk driver who had also had an aneurysm . While my boyfriend and I only suffered minor injuries , my dad and his girlfriend had much graver outcomes and she nearly died . The driver of the other car was killed instantly . The lawsuit that persisted after the accident was excruciating and drove a wedge between my dad and his girlfriend and soon after , they just couldn 't find the energy to continue living just to fight with one another and ended the relationship . When he lost her , he once again lost himself , and I lost him . My dad isn 't the only one who ended his relationships . My mother , in all of her misery with her boyfriend , had been looking for a way out and she had found it in a guy who ran the meat counter at small grocer on an unfavorable side of town . Her split from the boyfriend had been a long time coming and it came as no surprise to find out that he , too , had found someone else and was keeping her hidden away so mom wouldn 't know . He finally moved out and the day he moved his last box out of our house , the meat man moved his stuff in . I was infuriated with her . Why was it so hard to just be alone for a while ? We knew nothing about this guy , or at least I didn 't , and I didn 't want him in our house . But I didn 't have a choice , and I had nowhere to run to except my bedroom . I remember wishing that I could just go stay with my dad and get away from her bullshit boyfriends . I started seeking him out , starting first at a bar he frequented , and then to a transmission shop whose owner was kind enough to let my dad work for him a half a dozen times . Finally , after a conversation with a friend I had met through my boyfriend , I learned after connecting the dots that my dad had been staying at her dad 's house , crashed on the couch and often strung out looking for his next tweek . I wanted to confirm it for myself , so I drove us down to the neighborhood at about 3 o ' clock in the morning and we parked across the street . There was a blue Chevy Chevette in the driveway , which was significant because my dad had stolen mine months before ( he told me he would take it to fix the transmission and then never brought it back ) . I snuck up to the driveway to inspect the car . My Chevette was a shitty brownish gold color and held together by random bumper stickers but it had some seriously distinguishing marks and the blue spray paint on this car couldn 't cover any of them . They were all there , from the shattered windshield that I stuck my foot through when I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me to the giant pot leaf my friend Alex had drawn on the back of the passenger seat . That was all the confirmation I needed . I turned around and I got back into my car and drove away , sobbing all the way home . Eventually , I learned to really love the meat man . He wasn 't my dad and he was definitely not a father figure , but he loved my mom and he was hilarious . But he came with one major flaw : he was an alcoholic . There are different types of alcoholics , I know this now . He was not a raging alcoholic , the kind who gets violent and picks fights . He was the kind that had drank for so long that he would rather lose everything in his life , lose his life , than give up the bottle . He suffered from poor circulation , particularly in his feet and I used to tease him about his blue shoes . My mother begged for months to get him to quit and eventually gave him an ultimatum . For a long time the ultimatum went unanswered and she became preoccupied in the case of a missing little girl from our community and her interest in the meat man dwindled rapidly . I continued to hang out with the meat man and we 'd sit in the kitchen and listen to classic rock and smoke pot at the table until mom strolled in either from school ( she was working on her associate 's degree ) or from one of the many searches her and her team went on in search of this little girl . One day , my mom informed me that there was something happening between her and the father of the little girl that was missing . Their friendship was maturing into something more . I knew where this was headed and I began an attempt at breaking the bond between me and the meat man . Once again , I picked up the phone and began the search for my dad . I started with family first this time and got lucky . My aunt told me that she had just talked to him and that he was doing really well . He had been dating one of her friends and seemed to have cleaned up his act . She mentioned that she was having a get - together the following weekend and said he would be there if I wanted to come . I excitedly took her up on the offer . On the day of the get together , I became so anxious I didn 't know what to think or feel . I pulled up in front of her house and immediately the tears started to flow . I couldn 't stop them and I didn 't know why . I felt like I hadn 't seen my dad in a decade , like he had gone off to war and somehow made it home in one piece . I was afraid to go in and couldn 't wait all at the same time . I waited a few moments to compose myself and dried my tears . I was greeted with lots of hugs and hellos , but none of them felt sincere . When I made my way out to her back deck , I scanned the panoramic for my dad . I found him sitting next to this little woman with dark hair , giant breasts , and a bigger laugh . He immediately walked over to me and hugged me . That was the first time he 'd ever hugged me . I started to cry again . He introduced me to the woman who eventually became my stepmother and we talked for a few hours . He sounded great . Healthy . Sober . But he didn 't sound regretful . He did , however , seem eager to start over with me , and that was enough . This woman was good for him . She was very reminiscent of the one he had had before and I prayed he wouldn 't screw it up . I liked her . Eventually , the day came when the meat man moved out of the house and mom 's new beau moved in … you guessed it , the same day . At some point , I just became numb to the fact that my opinions didn 't matter . I was starting my own life as an adult and having yet another new boyfriend move in was my cue to make my own noise . So I moved out . I spent the next couple of years knowing where my dad was but used to never seeing or talk to him so I made very little effort to strengthen our relationship . His truth mirrored my own and was displayed across my heart like a billboard , which in turn , made me want to make the effort even less . If he didn 't want to try and have a relationship with me , why should I fight for it ? This internal battle continued in my head and heart for years . Wedding bells soon began ringing in the spring of 2002 when my mother decided she was ready to remarry after a decade or so of being divorced for the second time . Her new marriage came with the drama of a missing child , an ex - wife with an alleged drug problem , and a new husband with a serious passion for fishing . At first , things seemed okay . She was happy . She went through the normal stages a woman goes through when she gets married and then slowly came back to herself . They were a great couple . He seemed to really love my mom and was growing on me . A year later , I experienced my own true love and had my first child . Ironically , my dad was incredibly present during my pregnancy . I wasn 't sure if he was turning over a new leaf and really interested , or if it was the nudge of his girlfriend attempting to turn him into a family man . I enjoyed his attention and found it awkward at the same time . When it came time for the baby to be born , he was there . It was the first major event in my life he had ever been in attendance of . My dad 's girlfriend succeeded in her task and later that year , they were married in front of family and friends . I was really happy because this meant that my dad and I had a real shot at being a family . My new stepmother was an incredibly positive influence in his life , and I loved every bit of her , right down to her high toned , raspy cackle of a laugh . Family was most important to her and with her influence , I could see my dad starting to have opinions about things I said and did , almost like a real dad . In the turmoil of my own relationship with my daughter 's father , I found it ironic that I now had two father figures in my life , however mediocre they both were , where I had previously had none just months before . When things would go south in my love life , they would often go so far south that intervention of some sort was required . My mom was always my preferred call , but when the going got tough , my dad was the first call I made . It was nice knowing that after all the times I had yearned for his attention and love , I finally had it every time I dialed his number . Things changed rapidly , though , in December of 2005 . I called my dad on my birthday . It was usual for him not call me ; after not really knowing each other my entire life , it would 've been surprising if he had remembered my birthday . What I got was the worst birthday present I 've ever received . On the other end of the line was my stepmother telling me that five days prior , my dad had been arrested for aggravated assault and was in jail . My heart sank and that familiar feeling of anger disappointment came flooding back and sat in the pit of my stomach . I spent the next four years comparing his story to court documents , making attorney runs when requested it , and visiting him at the county correctional institution . In 2007 , I lost my grandmother to cancer and cardiac issues . She was a pillar of support , faith , and learning in my life and a good portion was spent with her . Her loss was felt deeply by my whole family . To me , it seemed like the natural way of life at first . I missed her terribly , but I accepted the fact that grandparents die . And then immediately after , my mother was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer and my grandmother 's death took on a whole new meaning . I mourned her privately and deeply for a year straight . I went through the next excruciating year and a half waiting with my mother for PET scan results , chemo treatment results , chemical trial openings , radiation side effects to subside , and her coffee brown hair to grow back . The tumor in the center of her chest just kept growing . Her breasts no longer looked like breasts , but a shelf of fat and lumps placed sloppily in the upper mid - section of her torso . Eventually it began to bridge out and stretch underneath her right under arm and invade her lymph node and its supporting system there . I would periodically visit my dad in prison and give him five minute updates on my mom 's condition . He seemed sorry in the moment that I was explaining it , but then would quickly change the subject to how we were going to get the judge to reduce his sentence and get him out of there . It infuriated me . He beat a guy , nearly to death . He deserved to be in there . To me , it didn 't matter if he used a weapon or not , he almost killed him and he left him deaf and partially paralyzed . There 's a consequence for that . Additionally , I was not there to work as his paralegal . I was there as his daughter who is going through a rough time with my mother and a little comfort from my dad would have been a welcomed suggestion . I always arrived to see him with great expectations , but I would leave with a sorrowful heart and a mind so full of thoughts that I wouldn 't even remember the two hour drive home . My stepdad checked out . If my mother wasn 't healthy enough to be his wife , she wasn 't good enough to be his wife . It didn 't matter if she had given up a portion of her life to search for his missing daughter or not . She was in constant pain and he didn 't know how to help her . She would lash out at him and me , and he just didn 't know any other way to respond except to leave . He spent the last six months of her life fishing while I spent it taking care of her . I had moved in with her a year prior to take care of her so my love life was non - existent . Holding a full time job while caring for a very ill mother and a young child has to be one of the hardest lessons about growing up anyone could ever learn . My soul was slowly dying right alongside my mother 's frail body . I just wanted a parent to tell me it would be okay , that I would get through this . But the only parent that cared enough to tell me anything of the sort was lying in her bed counting on me to tell her that it would all be okay . Day after day , I would come home from work , plop my five year old in front of the television or bring her in with me while I did therapy with my mom , feed them dinner , put them to bed , and cry myself to sleep . One day when my mom had appointments all day , I decided to play hookie from work and I took a trip to the prison to see my dad unannounced . I just needed coherent conversation with one of my parental units . Without my visit being planned , I ended up waiting through the first wave of visitations until they finally brought him up in the second wave , a total of three hours . The second wave visits were limited to just an hour and a half instead of the full two hours that the first wave received . When I gave him the update on mom , he sat quietly and his face went pale . I don 't think he realized how sick she really was until that point . But even then , the news wasn 't enough to sidetrack his single tasking mind and it wasn 't too long before he began to talk to me about reaching out to his attorney or getting whatever records I could off the county website . Before I left that day , he gave me a stern talking - to about letting him know ahead of time when I was coming to visit because they had to pull him off of his work site . I left that day with the intention of never going back . I helped him with his case prior to that as much as I could , but my anger had taken over and I had no desire of helping him at this stage in his sentence . He had about a year left and as far as I was concerned , he could stay there another ten years . He didn 't seem to have an interest in me , as usual , and I was tired of running to him seeking out his comfort and affection only to find no love or concern for me . I smoked a joint on the way home , trying to fight back tears that I knew I wouldn 't be able to explain to my mother if she saw the red , splotchy , tear stained face that I always seem to sport when I came home from seeing him . She didn 't know that I had gone to see him ; she had specifically asked me not to . About a month later , in her bedroom surrounded by her family , my mother took her last breath while holding my hand . Immediately the room was filled with quiet sobbing and sniffling and I was instantly frozen in time . It took all of ten seconds for me to realize that I was never going to have my mother in my life again , but that was long enough for the overwhelming feelings of anxiety to rush in and sit on my chest like a stack of cinder blocks . The next day , I woke before sunrise and headed out to the prison and was first in line for the first wave . I told the officers about my mom and they brought my dad out first and put us in a private room . When I gave him the news of my mother 's death , my first real visit with my dad in prison began . There was no discussion of getting in touch with his attorney or which records to obtain for his case . He wasn 't concerned with what was going on with his case at all . For the first time since he 'd been in that hell hole , his attention was solely focused on my pain and my heart . Maybe it was because he shared in that pain . We sat there in that room and he listened to my plans for her funeral . He heard my gripes about her being buried two states away and how complicated it was going to be for me to get there on a regular basis . He shed a few tears with me in a moment of grief that neither of us could contain . Our visit lasted less than an hour , by my choice , and I left . It 's strange how my shortest visit with my dad became my most loving to date . Despite my leaps and bounds made with my last visit , I didn 't go back for some time . I mourned my mother 's loss heavily by self - medicating and couldn 't bear the chance of him seeing in me what would be familiar to him . Truth be told , with a dead mother and a dad in prison , I felt like an orphan … a twenty - nine year old orphan . Eventually , I did see him again when he was moved to a different facility in preparation for his release a few months later . I volunteered to go with my step mother and pick him up and introduce him to his freedom . I expected things to be different . I thought that after the time he served , the struggles that his family had to go through , and the pain I went through with the loss of my mother , he would realize that every crime has a punishment and own up to his mistakes . But to this day he disputes the facts of that night , claiming the punishment doesn 't fit the crime . On some level I 've had to learn to agree to disagree and do so quietly , a tact he has never been able to master . He resumed his life with my step mother and tried to pick up the pieces and put them back together . He easily fell back into his old routine of family man , which I found as a mix of comforting , hurtful , and betrayed . His family consisted of my step mother 's family , not me and my daughter , though our presence was always welcomed with smiles and that nagging complaint that I didn 't come around enough . While there was always an " open invitation " to their gatherings and their house , I never knew about them because neither he nor my step mother would bother calling to personally let me know . On the few occasions I did make it to an event , it was because I showed up within a day or so of it and he 'd let me know then . When I got married , the plan was to elope , but my family ( on my mother 's side ) begged me to do it differently and was submissive . The only way I wanted to walk down the aisle was with my mother and she was not here . I had initially planned on making that trek by myself , but I was completely enchanted with the idea that my dad was actually around for it , so I asked him to walk me down the aisle . The walk between a father and daughter on her wedding day is supposed to be special . While it was extremely significant for me , I felt like it was just another walk in the park for him . He never expressed any emotion that I could see , and I often wonder what he was thinking that day . While I feel like there are definitely moments when I think to myself that I should just give him a break , I am reminded of moments when he has been completely negligent of my feelings . Shortly after I was married , he and my step mother arranged for a big family photo shoot . I had been coordinating with him on my schedule as I was often on call . I asked him to let me know and I would make arrangements to be there . I never heard back about the shoot , and then one day I showed up at their house and hanging on the wall was a brand new family photo , my family excluded . He reasoned with me , stating that we couldn 't get our schedules to coordinate together . We remember things completely differently . The former stories of my dad are habitual themes in our relationship that continue still today . It 's very rare that he ever calls me , and if he does , it 's for a particular purpose , not just to say hi and that he loves me . I continue to make minor efforts to reach out to him . I call a couple times a month at least , a couple times a week at most - depending on my moods and my tolerance level for his shenanigans . I invite him to all of my kids ' birthday parties , and my own . When I hear he 's under the weather , I call and make sure he 's okay and see if he needs anything . I still feel like I 'm putting the majority of the effort in to our relationship , while he submits a small fraction . Granted , he 's a completely different man than he was fifteen years ago . He 's made the comment to me before that he knows he wasn 't that great and he wasn 't around while I was growing up and he 'd like to remedy that by having a relationship with his grandchildren . That 's great and all , I want him to have that too , but he 's missing the point . He can 't fix what 's wrong with me and him by building a relationship with my children . I don 't know if he 'll ever understand that . So why this ? Why do I write the equivalent of nine pages pissing and complaining about my dad who is the same as he was yesterday and last week , and last year , and ten years ago ? I took a weekend road trip with him last summer to Tennessee . I had intended on having it out with him then . I was going to tell him all the things he had ever done that broke my heart , lay it all out like it is in this blog post . I rehearsed it for days before we left . My plan was to do it in the cemetery when I showed him my mother 's gravesite for the first time . It was private and isolated and the perfect place for him to have no way out . When we got there , I was ready . But then , something felt off . We walked over to the gravesite , and his whole demeanor changed . I trailed off and allowed him to walk ahead of me and watched as he sat down on the bench in front of her stone as if he were attending her funeral . He hung his head for a minute and then just sat there staring at her stone . My father was mourning the loss of my mother . It was the saddest thing I had ever seen in my life . It was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him and probably ever would , so I took a photo on my phone . We never had our conversation , meaning , I never let him have it . I put all my feelings back inside their box and continued to collect the feelings that were still being brought to the surface . But seeing him there that day brought about a whole slew of thoughts and feelings that now haunt my brain . The one that 's front and center : I wish he had been a better man . Then maybe he and my mom would never have gotten divorced and I never would have been beaten by some tool with a WWE complex . Maybe her outcome would have been different . Maybe she 'd still be alive . Not that I 'm blaming him for her cancer , but if he were a better man , we would have had a different life with different outcomes . I called him the other day . It was the first time I had talked to him in a few weeks . His excuse is that he 's always working . While that may be true , a few minutes at the end of his day every once in a while wouldn 't kill him . I don 't know what my expectations are in writing this . Will he ever see it and read it ? I don 't know . On one hand , I hope he does and then it will finally all be out it the open . On the other hand , I hope not . The idea that it would piss him off so much that he would just walk away terrifies me . Would it solve anything ? I don 't know . I don 't have a whole lot of faith in the relationship anymore . His interest , whatever interest he has left in my life , is in my children , and that 's the first thing that would have to change . |
Our Mondays are not usually terrible for Anna June , but yesterday was . I had to wake her up and from the first minute of her day , she was in a bad mood . She asked if she had to go to school , and even though she likes school , she groaned . I gave her a choice of what to have for breakfast , and when I served it to her , she cried . I gave her an alternative dish and she ate a few bites , then fell in the floor to pitch a fit . I literally wrestled with her to get her clothes on . There were many tears . We made it to school and I reported to her teacher that the morning had been " difficult . " Later I learned that several of the other kids in AJ 's class were also having difficult days . This was a bad combination . Anna June was bitten on the playground . ( Since she was in such a bad mood , I have no idea what she did to provoke this , but I 'm sure it was at least somewhat her fault . You don 't get your finger bitten unless it is close to someone 's mouth . ) The bite resulted in a call to me at work - my heart always stops for a second when I see the school 's number on the Caller ID ! The day progressed , and I went to pick AJ up from school . Although she had been fine to that point , she immediately began whining again . As soon as she got in the car , she asked if we could go home . I told her I planned to go home and stay there for the rest of the night . She said , " I want to stay home all day ! " So I told her that is what we would do . If I were writing a script for a movie , I would have kept that bit of dialogue as ominous foreshadowing . When we got to the house , I tried turning my key in the lock . It has been sticking , and my key was bent . I turned a little too hard and my key broke off in the door . We were locked out . And wouldn 't you know it , Ben was already in class . Until 8 pm ! So I called my parents ' house , hoping to find my mother , who has a spare key . But we got Dad instead , who invited us to come there and wait until either Mom or Ben could come . I had an alternate idea - to go meet Mom at work and eat dinner ( at Rusty 's ) and thenPosted by Maybe it is because of the stripes and the unhappy expression on her face , but I think this picture of Anna June looks like a mug shot . Except she wasn 't the one in trouble - - her parents were . Her new teacher , a nurse , was concerned about the huge red spots on AJ 's face on Friday morning . We had tried to give her a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast , but she had a complete meltdown because I missed a spot or two with the cream cheese . So I tried again , giving her some kiddie yogurt ( a terrible concoction of a blue " cotton candy " flavor and red " cherry ) . After she finished , I washed her hands and face in the kitchen sink , as always . I wiped her with a paper towel . The mark on her still - baby - sensitive skin was from the rough paper towel , or the red dye in the yogurt . We 've decided to only give her more naturally - colored yogurt in the future , and to try to avoid wiping her with cheap paper towels . But Friday morning , there was a lot of concern from her teacher ( and her poor daddy , who got stuck taking her to school in the first place ) . It went away , and she is fine . I 'll keep an eye out in the future to see if she has any further reactions . Anna June loves our dog , Radar . I think that 's why I get so mad when he escapes . . . I know he has a tag and a microchip , and he knows his own way home - we 'd get him back but there 's always the chance of some accident happening to him that makes me furious . Anna June would be absolutely devastated if something happened to him . A long time ago , Ben called Radar " Ray Ray " for a nickname , and it stuck . Anna June now wants to play with " Way Way " all the time . Last night when I wouldn 't play with her ( she wanted to give me an imaginary drink ) she took off running . I asked what she was doing and she responded that she was taking a drink to Ray Ray ! Recently , she saw her Uncle Drew get his dog Hank to " shake " . AJ decided yesterday morning before school that she just HAD to teach Radar to shake , as well . It took a lot of convincing that he probably wasn 't going to learn it in one sitting and she needed to hurry up and get ready anyway . On a different day , before school , she was hugging Radar and asked me to take a picture . So here are the two shots I got . You can tell that she 's more tickled with him than he is with her . But he does love her - he allows her to brush him , play with him , and walk him on his leash . She can give him food and likes giving him a bath , too . Now if she can just drive him to the vet . . . This is a picture of Anna June , walking out the door on her first day of Pre - 3 . She was so happy and excited , she did not want to pose for a picture , which you cannot tell from her smile . In a lot of the pictures where she 's by herself , you can 't tell how tall she is , and how much like a big kid she looks now . But in this one , I think you can tell . Yesterday , she got to be the line leader at school . You cannot imagine how excited she was about this . She woke up and told me it was her day , and I told her not to be disappointed if she was incorrect . But she was right ! Even though she whined and was uncooperative this morning , I have to say that I 'm impressed by these first few days of her new class . I think she likes it overall . And if she gets to be the line leader every sixth school day , then at least I can count on her being in a good mood that often ! Sometimes when I look at Anna June , I can almost see little wheels turning in her head . I try to predict her responses to things , but I can 't always do it - she comes up with so much new stuff every day . We 've been eating Popsicles outside , since they 're so messy . Last night , she did eat a good dinner , but then asked for a Popsicle , so we had some . Then , we went straight to the washing machine to stain treat her clothes and start another load . I lost her for a minute - I thought she was right behind me . I called out to her and she was dragging her clothes hamper into my room . . . she knew we needed more clothes than that to make a full load . Amazing . But then , once she 'd stripped down and was ready for her bath , she started running around the house . She came back to me and reported that she had run to Daddy and told him , " Naked ! " and ran back . This repeated about 20 times , or as long as it took me to start the washer and run her bath . Above is her coloring project from church , which kept her entertained during a service a couple of weeks ago - I found it in my purse when looking for something else . Our kitchen and my office are starting to look like a gallery . Let me know if you 'd like any of AJ 's current works and I will send them to you . I know it has only been one day , but so far Anna June loves her new class . This morning when it was time to go to school , she asked , " Am I going to Miss Susan 's class ? " She was so excited ! The classroom rules are posted above - it 's a handout they gave us to help us talk to our kids about what 's expected of them at school . I think she 'll remember them very quickly . They do time out to reinforce the rules . The one I 'm most worried about is the talking thing . We don 't do well at taking turns talking ! On the way to school , we usually listen to an audio book or sing songs , but this morning she wanted to talk about her new class . She told me they learned how to sit " Cris - cross Applesauce ! " She told me there were baby dolls , but only one of them has a bottle of " milk " . Actually , when we were leaving last night , she wanted to take home one of the baby dolls , but her teacher said she 'd take care of them for her . Last night , we had asked her about her new class and she told us a few things . Like that they got to go eat in the " cafeteria " . I was very surprised at how well AJ pronounced that difficult word . Right as she was going to bed , she remembered to tell me , " We painted today ! " This morning , we discovered they were going to read a book we recently checked out from the library called The Boy Who Lost His Belly Button . So , without trying , she 's already ahead . : ) Anna June , like most children , says the craziest things . Here are a few recent ones . I asked her to do something and she said , " Sure , I 'd be delighted ! " Saturday morning , I decided to make crepes ( from a mix - don 't get too excited ) and I was explaining to her that they were like thin pancakes . She said , " We 're going to need pepper and ice . " So , remember that next time you 're making them , I guess . Later on Saturday , Ben was studying and I was showering . I came out to find Elmo in AJ 's chair , pushed up to the coffee table . She explained she was giving Elmo a " birthday party " . It was complete with tea and cakes . We played " clubhouse " under the covers of our bed on Sunday morning . Ben has taught her to ask for the password if anyone tries to come in their special space . He was giving her funny passwords like " undies " . I asked AJ what the password was and she said , " diaper rash ! " I was looking for something at home and Anna June said , " You 'll never find it now ! " which is what Swiper the Fox says on Dora the Explorer when he swipes something and hides it . She 's probably right - I 've been losing things at home at a record pace : my watch , the card adapter for our camera , a library book , parts of AJ 's toys and more . I suspect Swiper himself has moved into our house . I was putting AJ in the car seat and I gave her a kiss . She said , " You 're so precious ! " She must have heard that a million times at church and other places . I told her she was precious , too . Then she said , " You 're precious , too , Mommy ! " Then , in the bathtub , she was having a conversation with me , but somehow she said , " You know what they say . . . " and I said , " What do they say ? " And she didn 't have an answer . I know she was just repeating something she 'd heard . I tried giving her some examples of clichés , like " If you can 't stand the heat , get out of the kitchen ? " and it backfired . She replied , " No , I 'm not in the kitchen , silly ! " I know it may come as a shock to you , but Anna June was disobedient at school on Friday . In preparing for the new school year , a bookshelf had been emptied and moved from its usual location , waiting to find its permanent home after the children went home ( I presume ) . The teachers worked hard to keep the kids off of it , but being monkeys , they decided to climb on it , repeatedly , after repeated warnings to stay off the shelf . Anna June wasn 't the only one climbing on it , but she was the only one who flipped off of it , which resulted in a bruise on her back . When I got to school to pick her up , I had the " boo boo " form and an apology from the teacher , even though this was clearly AJ 's fault . Later that evening , when I was bathing her , I decided to take the opportunity to talk to AJ about minding one 's teacher and how teachers , parents and most adults just want to keep her safe . I thought the talk was going well . She was playing with her bath toys , but listening to every word I said . She knew she was being told about something serious . And I went on with my speech , saying something like , " Anna June , you have to listen to grownups who are trying to keep you from getting hurt . I would be really upset if something happened to you . " Anna June looked up at me and said , " But you 're upset now ! " I thought that was a valid point , and burst out laughing . Then AJ laughed , too . It was a good end to the conversation - I could tell she had gotten my point . Anna June , when focused on a task , can be intense . In the pictures above , she 's playing with her " dollies " and would not look up , would not listen , would not budge . She was fascinated . So this morning I was surprised when she was focusing on wanting to help me ! She fetched my socks and shoes while Ben and I finished up some last minute " thank you " gifts for AJ 's teachers . Today 's her last day in her class , and moves up on Monday . When we were looking for pictures to print out and give as part of the gifts , I realized just how behind I am ! Although I haven 't been as devoted to snapping every second of AJ 's life like I was when she was first born , I still have a ton of pictures that are yet - to - be uploaded . I will TRY to find time to work on that this weekend . The recent pictures I do have , all of which I think have already posted to the blog , are located here . If I do get time to work on pictures or clean house , I probably won 't be as focused on it as AJ is with playing with her dollies . We were also running just a little behind when AJ and I walked out the door to go to school and Radar decided he wanted to go with us . Luckily , Ben had just left , and through the miracle of cell phones , I was able to catch him and he turned around and rescued us , capturing Radar in the neighbor 's yard . That dog ! Anna June likes to be in the loop , so I tell her things sometimes that I really should wait to tell her . Yesterday morning , I reminded her that was the day she 'd be eating dinner with Aunt Connie and Uncle Tim , because Mommy and Daddy each had plans . She was very excited . She went and picked out several books from her shelf to pack in her diaper bag , and was talking excitedly about the visit . But then I told her she had to get ready for school , and she had a fit . She had thought she was going RIGHT THEN . She cried , " But I want to see Aunt Connie NOW ! " She got over it , had a good day at school , and then had a fun time at their house with Granddaddy Jerome , and , of course , the kitties , Daisy and Bob . They watched TWO episodes of Dora the Explorer and had an indoor picnic . AJ didn 't tell me what they ate , but I 'm glad they had such a nice time . I 'm also very , very grateful , as I was able to see my great friends . We tried to think of the last time we had all seen each other without kids or husbands ( or before that , fiances and boyfriends ) around , and we couldn 't . It had been years . We were so excited and had a wonderful time . We 'll do it again soon , but not on a night when Ben has class . It was too much trouble and too exhausting to get a wound - up girl to bed . I am very grateful to Ben , as well , for his handling of the stalling tactics of an exhausted preschooler . He got more water , a different baby doll , denied another blanket , etc . AJ went to bed late and woke up early . For some reason , the baby gate was down , and she figured this out and ran into our room at 2 minutes before my alarm . She said , " Mommy , I missed you ! " I had missed her , too . Anna June was stalling this morning when it was time to get dressed . I showed her the panties I picked out for her . " Look , " I said , " They 're BLUE ! " I 've used this tactic before , so AJ wanted me to show her that my panties were blue , also , so we can be , in her words , " just the same . " She said , " Are Daddy 's panties blue ? " " No , " I told her , " His underwear is gray . You don 't have any gray underwear . " Not missing a beat , she said , " Maybe Santa Claus can bring me some gray underwear . " I told her I would put it on her list . Do they even make such a thing for little girls ? If so , we 'll have to be the only family on the block with coordinated underwear ! This week is going to be big for Anna June - we have lots planned , including meeting her new teachers on Thursday night . She starts her new class on Monday . Both of her teachers have told me that she 's very well - behaved , and they 'll be sorry to see her go . Like countless mothers before me , though , I am shocked that Anna June is one of the " good " kids . She acts completely different around her dad and me . Last night I thought I was going to pull my hair out ( or hers ) if she didn 't mind . Our evening started out with me taking a quick bathroom break only to have AJ come report to me , with her mouth full of candy , that " Radar got a tootsie roll ! " Of course , he ate it with the wrapper still on . She did sit down for dinner . We had BLTs , and some canned soup . AJ declared , " This is the best dinner ever , Mama ! " Of course , she did not eat the lettuce , but she did lick the mayo off her bread - I guess I 'm glad she likes it . She had a Popsicle , outdoors , after dinner . She wanted to put it down to go play in her sandbox , but when I wouldn 't allow her sticky hands to touch the already - ant - prone plastic top , she decided that she 'd rather finish the Popsicle after all . A naked Anna June was seen streaking down the hall , in direct disobedience to my order for a bath . She " went boneless " in the words of author Mo Willems , where she sank to the floor in a heap when I tried to get her to use the potty , and it was worse when I needed to comb her hair and brush her teeth . I know she 's tired after a long day at school , but she has to get better at minding her parents , or we 'll both be completely gray by the end of the year . Her grandparents visits next month cannot come soon enough ! With Ben taking his first graduate classes this week , we contemplated leaving Birmingham for the weekend just to try to get out of town while we still could , but in the end , it proved too complicated . There was some bad weather , the issue of interrupting Anna June 's naps and sleeping patterns ( such that they are ) and the matter of what to do with Radar , so we ended up staying home . But we were determined to have some family fun in Birmingham , and had ourselves a " staycation " . They 're all the rage . I promise . On Saturday morning , we headed out to the McWane Center . Of course , because of the downpour , so did everyone else in the city . We had a good time watching AJ run from exhibit to exhibit . She was fascinated by things we weren 't impressed by and vice versa . We had a nice lunch there and went home at a reasonable time for napping . We spent the afternoon at the library , then visited my Granddaddy and took him to Rusty 's for dinner . The milkshakes are especially good . On Sunday , after church and a nap , Anna June and I headed for the zoo at her request . She had been begging to go to the zoo and to watch Dora the Explorer . ( By the way , now Anna June doesn 't ask to watch " Dora " . She asks to watch " Dora THE EXPLORER . " ) I could not take another episode this weekend , so we headed out in the heat to see the flamingos , gorilla , giraffe , and of course , play in the splash fountains . AJ enjoyed being there almost by herself and played in the fountains for a good 30 minutes . Then she spent some time at her grandparents ' house while we had a quick dinner and ran errands ( K - Mart is so romantic , right ? ) When I told Anna June she 'd be going over to Nana 's house , she said , " Are you going to drop me off ? " When I told her , yes , that is what I had planned , she said , " Oh , I will be so excited to be there all by myself ! " Apparently , she needed some time away from me , too , even though on Sunday morning she declared that I was her " best friend in the whole wide world . " When we got home , she was so excited to see Radar , she hugged and kissedPosted by If my sources are correct , this is the 40th straight day in a row with temperatures over 90 degrees in Birmingham . Anna June knows how to cool off - in her alligator pool ! Or is it a crocodile ? I have no idea . She loves this adorable bathing suit , or as she sometimes pronounces it " bayving soup . " Anna June enjoyed when " Curious " George Arnett came to visit us a few weeks ago . She showed off the contents of her dress - up trunk , as well . More photos in our web album here . Anna June is pretty in love with the regular Curious George , too . She still loves the show . She loves reading the books ( and listening to the audio books ) . Now she has the pajamas , too . She loves looking at the display of C . G . toys and nick - knacks at the library , as well . This week we 're reading Curious George Goes to the Dentist . Now that AJ 's final two - year molars have erupted , we 're going to head to the dentist for the first time very soon . Hopefully , she 'll be put at ease like the little girl in the book , with the help of her monkey friend . Anna June is better today , and back at school . Getting to spend time with her , even when she is sick , is very special to us , though . On Monday , I took the first two pictures . You can tell she has a runny nose but she 's having a good time . On Tuesday , Ben kept her in the morning while I took the afternoon shift . While they were playing , they built a tent in our room , using the ironing board and a blanket . They had a tea party , which I think morphed into a birthday party for AJ 's doll , Helen . I was told they had tea and cupcakes . She was very , very excited to show me and tell me about it when I got home from work . Helen , though , was tucked soundly asleep under all of AJ 's blankets on what used to be my aerobics mat ( but has now been appropriated by Anna June ) . She also , curiously , has her clothes on backwards , so I guess she had too much fun and had to be changed prior to her nap . Ben and AJ also read books in the tent , with her ladybug flashlight . AJ colored a sign , labeled " Anna June 's Clubhouse " . She was really upset this morning that I had taken the clubhouse down . I 'm sure we 'll be doing that again . Anna June saw the doctor yesterday afternoon , and he confirmed that her right ear is terribly inflamed with infection . The other ear is fine , and the throat is not particularly irritated . With the antibiotics getting settled in her system , AJ is doing much better . When I left home she was happily settling in for an episode of Dora the Explorer with her daddy . I will say that this visit to the doctor went better than usual . She 's getting to be an old pro , unfortunately . But I had time to talk to her while she was awake and alert , and we discussed that the nurse would take her temperature in her ear ( just like I clean her ear with a q - tip ) and then she 'd stand on a scale to be weighed ( just like standing on our bathroom scale ) . She did have a fever ( 100 ) and weighed 31 pounds . AJ , even though she felt terrible , managed this part of the visit just fine . We brought some books and toys to make the wait more bearable . She eventually warmed up to the doctor and demonstrated her advanced knowledge of colors and answered questions just great . She was really sweet and , of course , relieved there was no shot or finger prick involved . When I was prepping her for the visit , she told me that they have cups by the potty at the doctor 's office - she definitely remembered that ! But I told her we wouldn 't have to fool with those this time , and she was slightly relieved . Thanks to everyone for all the calls and prayers . Anna June is at home sick today . Currently , she 's " reading " to herself before she falls asleep for her nap . I hope she falls asleep for her nap ! Two weeks ago , we visited the zoo with AJ 's friends Maxwell and Drew . Here are some pictures courtesy of Max 's mommy , Mandy . Thanks ! The kids had a blast and we 're going to try to do it again when it isn 't so hot . Anna June doesn 't just get invited to kids ' birthday parties - she gets invited to grown - up ones , too . On Saturday , Aunt Connie and cousin Judy had a birthday , so we celebrated at Connie and Tim 's house with family and friends . Here are some of the pictures that Judy took . Anna June colored this picture at church with the help of Miss Crystal . Don 't freak - AJ didn 't connect the dots herself . On Monday night , AJ took a long time getting to sleep , and then , because of a little cough , she was up many times . She kept calling out , " Mama ! " The last time I went back to bed I made the wish that she 'd call out for Daddy instead . Sure enough , the next morning , when I got out of the shower , I found Ben in AJ 's room attending to her . " She was calling me , " he said . I thought it was a miracle . Anna June stores things in her memory just about as well as my computer does . Of course , I don 't know exactly what they 've been watching at school , but we have a tape of Barney that has a transportation theme . The kids are shining up an old bike and instead of " Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush " it goes " This is the way we clean the bike , clean the bike , clean the bike . " Then they oil the bike and do other things , too . We haven 't played that tape in weeks , probably months . But somehow , Anna June decided that the " chrome " on the bathtub faucet needed to be shined like the bike on Barney , and she took her washcloth and began singing , " This is the way we clean the bike , clean the bike , clean the bike . " Then , she took her watering can ( which happened to be in the bathtub ) and pretended it was an oil can and went on to the next verse , while pouring water over the washcloth - covered spout . " This is the way we oil the bike , oil the bike , oil the bike . " I have to say , I was amazed . It 's one thing for her to come up with things when she 's prompted , but this was all her . Also , on Saturday when we were driving around the neighborhood looking for Radar , we started calling out the window . And AJ said she couldn 't see him , and that we couldn 't find him . Then , she burst into song , " Oh where , oh where has my Radar gone ? Oh where oh where can he be ? " Again - I credit Barney - we 'd just watched an episode featuring the famous song , where an actual dog got " lost " and then found . But AJ changed the words to insert her own dog 's name . I was pretty impressed . Last night when we were finished with dinner , AJ wanted to go out to blow bubbles . I let her , but somehow she got bored and picked her " pinwheels " out of her " garden " to play her new favorite game she made up - Fairies . She says the pinwheels are magic wands , and they help her fly . This is cute , but what is not very cute is that she wants me to " fly " with her . This consists of flapping our arms holding the magic wands and running around the backyard . I was still dressed for work , aPosted by While we may not have gone fishing like the dog and cat in this picture , Anna June had a fun , fairly relaxing weekend . On Friday night , she got to stay with her grandparents while we went out to dinner and tried to clean our kitchen . She had fun playing with everyone and eating ice cream ( of course ) . On Saturday morning , we went to the zoo with AJ 's friends Maxwell and Drew . It was very hot , so we focused mainly on a few key activities : riding the train , feeding the giraffes , and splashing in the fountains . And eating snacks . AJ discovered soft frozen ( strawberry ) lemonade . Delicious . After a nap , our friends Michele and Chapin stopped by with their dog George on their way back to Atlanta . Radar was excited for about 5 minutes , then decided that George wasn 't that interesting and went back to the humans . Anna June loved showing off her toys , bed , and Mardi Gras beads . Saturday night was the birthday party for Aunt Connie and cousin Judy . We had a great time , although we were late due to Radar 's escape and subsequent adventure . He found a neighbor with a sprinkler and loved running through it and rolling down the hill . Over and over . I can 't blame him - it was hot ! Sunday morning we tried the new Bojangles restaurant in our neighborhood . Anna June was not impressed . She declared she 'd rather have cinnamon rolls ( the kind I make from a can ) instead of their sweet biscuits . Then we went to church and met some new children from the neighborhood . Anna June liked having someone to play and color with . Sunday afternoon , we went to the library to get more books - we 'd worn out the batch from last week . We came home to fix an early supper and baked oatmeal raisin cookies . Unfortunately , I hadn 't planned ahead and had only the mini snack boxes of raisins . Anna June 's job was to remove the raisins from the small boxes and put them into the measuring cup . Of course , all she wanted to do is eat the raisins . So they 're actually more oatmeal - pecan cookies with a few raisins instead of the other way around . Since it was too hot to do mPosted by I 've told Anna June several times about an interesting fact : I went to school at her school when I was her age . She either doesn 't believe me or doesn 't care . I don 't have much to offer in the way of proof , but I do have one clear memory of my tenure at McElwain . One day , we were going to go to the zoo . I remember being very excited , as my mother was going to come . We prepared our snacks , including carrot and celery sticks ( still one of my favorites ) . But then , it rained . We couldn 't go . So we sat as a group in either a cafeteria or a gym and had an " indoor picnic " . I thought this was the best idea ever ! I remember begging my mom to have indoor picnics over and over . I had to have celery and carrots , and we had to use my dad 's old orange - pink blanket . We had indoor picnics in the hallway and living room of our apartment . I am sure I wore her out . Fast forward back to now , and Anna June is , independently of me , begging for indoor picnics . I don 't know if she saw it on Barney or if she just so happened to ask to go on a picnic one rare day this summer when it was raining or threatening to rain . We held our first one about a week or so ago in her room . We 've had no fewer than three this week , mostly in my room , as it has the most floor space . We have to put up a baby gate so Radar can 't get in . So far , AJ is not particular about the food we bring , only that I help her spread out a blanket just so . They 've all taken place when Ben has been unable to join us , so I guess it 's a mommy - daughter thing . When we were spread out in my room , I was thinking it really was nice - a way to appease her , use up leftovers , and keep the dog from begging at our feet . Then , I am not making this up , a lone , large black ant walked across our picnic blanket . As I caught him in my napkin , I thought , how cliché ! It 's officially a picnic , whether indoors or not . Posted by We welcome your comments - that 's one of the great things about blogs ! We are leaving the option open for you to post them " anonymously " so that you don 't have to have a special kind of account in order to leave a comment ( although you probably already have one that qualifies ) ! If you are posting using the anonymous feature , please sign your comment so we 'll know who you are . Even though we have few official " followers " , we have an enormous family - we want to know who you are ! Thanks for sharing the love ! |
A week or two back , I was bitching about Gord falling for the contractor 's tale about fixing our roof on our rental property . Well , the guy came on Friday , and did a bang up job . Joan 0 - Gord 1 . I was asked very nicely to " say I am sorry for making me scared and crazy with all your carazy misgivings " . I did . But hesitantly . Because that 's the way I am . It could happen again and I would not be prepared , because one fix - it guy actually came through . It doesn 't happen very often in our life . That is my god given job , to be skeptical and scare the ever livin crap otta him . . that 's probably the most fun . The last few weeks we have been secretly laughing at our tenants . When they first discovered the leak in their roof , they frantically called Gord on the Cel and said there was BUCKETS of water POURING in their bedroom ! ! Gord called me because I work just down the back lane and told me to go over and check it out , because he was at a service call and couldn 't get back . I went over , and they had a big old turkey roaster sitting in the middle of the floor catching the . . drip ( another minute later ) drip ( another two minutes later ) . . you get it . Buckets Schmuckets ! ! There was just a slow little dripping going on fortheloveofadove . I reported back to my superior , and we laughed at them . After the roof was fixed , we continued to laugh about the exaggerated BUCKETS of water coming in their bedroom . Not a day went by when we didn 't bring it up and laugh again . On Saturday night about 11 : 00 PM . . . God was giving us quite a light show , and the wind started to pick and it started to rain BUCKETS ! ! We sat at the living room window and watched it pour . While we watching , we laughed again and commented . . " Now , this is what a bucket of rain really looks like " . HA . HA . Two minutes later , I said to Gord . . do hear something leaking ? . . . I hear a dripping noise . We looked up at the beam in my office upstairs , and sure as god made little green apples . . . it was leaking and dripping down to an electrical outlet . We were scrambling to get a pail on Posted by That little ass - wipe is still there . Well don 't blame me it 's blogger fault . Okay not really , I thought I was being cleaver , but now it biting me in the arse ! I was doing a little thinking today . . don 't look so surprised ! I haven 't put out a blog with any content in quite awhile , maybe never . . but I have tried . Summer is a bummer , I just want to be outside sitting on the deck , playing with the pup , and mucking about with my pond . I think everyone knows what I mean . I 'm not the kinda person that can stay up late to blog , because I gotta get up for work the next day , so I just put out a little crap at a time . And I will put somemore crap out again . So , I thought tonight whilst I had a few moments I would take you back in time . Picture it . . . 1887 This was the year I was born . Yes , I am that old . I married Gord in 1905 , because it was proper in those days to put the " she " childs out for marryin ' young . I didn 't mind cause he was a mighty good looking manchild . I had me doubts . . yes . . because I didn 't want to give up my father 's name . In marryin ' him , that would be expected of me . I tossed and turned over that one , until my daddy tole me one day , " girl " . . . don 't give it a thought , your momma took my name and you should do the same . I replied " Father " . . no frikkin way , I want my old name . I tossed my pigtails in the air and stamped my pretty little feets . He said " girl " you have to do what tradition dictates . . . or I won 't pay for your wedding ! ! Okay . nevermind then . pheww that was close . So , in the autumn of 1905 I married my sweetheart Gord . It was a traditional Mennonite wedding ( except we had booze and we danced ) . Wedding guests came from far and wide to bless these nuptials . Gord 's side of the family pulled up in a spiffy new buggy , with a horse the size of Godzilla pulling it . They were know to be a little showoff 's . Shut - up , this is a true story . After the ceremony and all the Ido 's had been said , we had a gigantic pig roast . Men , opened up there flasks of home - brew and the women set out to get the feast ready . Once everyonePosted by I have tried unsuccessfully to take Cartmans big ass off my profile . I put up a nice butterfly animation . . . and Cartman is still there . Damn you Cartman , you have now infiltrated me blog . . move on . . moon someone else , you freak . Did you guys hear that the US is going to make daylite savings time longer . . until November sometime ? . . . And the Canadian Government will follow suit ! ! Well Jeez Louisa ! . . . I don 't like that one teenie tiny bit . It will mean I will have to get up in the dark to go to work , and even if we do have some daylight when I get home I will be putting on my lights anyway because it will be dusk . This is supposed to be a energy cost saver . . paleese . . Correct me if I am wrong . I hate daylite savings time at the best of times . . . it puts me all outta whack . I can 't imagine what it does to the little tots when there whole day and bedtimes get all screwed up . Well , that 's me little rant for the night . It has cooled off considerably here , it almost feels like fall . . thank you Lord ! I actually have no point with this post ( or any other post mind you ) but I will ramble on for a bit . But , did you know what GORD did on Saturday ? . . I am still shaking me head . We have a old rental house beside our building that needs a new roof . The house will be torn down in a few years anyway to make way for more parking , so we thought we would just do a patch job . Gord hired some jerk out of the newspaper to do it . All we wanted was some shingle sheeting material put over the old shingles , so it would last a few more years . The guy , I should say the swindler , tells Gord ( who believes anyone who says he is a Mennonite ) that he can do the job the next day , all Gord has to do is give him 300 . 00 bucks for the material . When Gord told me this , my " radar " was in high alert . . . . I told him , to pick up the material himself and NOT give the any money up front . I told him this at 11 : 00 AM Sat . morning , he came back home at 1 : 30 and said he gave the guy 300 . 00 to pick up the material . ( but being the cleaver guy he is , he went to Home Depot to see if the guy went there after he gave him the money ) why the fuck did he not just get it himself ? ? ? ? He said the guys truck was there . . . and I was such a naysayer . . . blah blah . . pissI put my head in the oven . Good thing I didn 't turn the dern thing on , or I woulda missed the rest of the story whilst I was taking my dirt nap . The guy was supposed to come on Sunday morning at 10 : 00 AM to start the job . You all know what happened . . dontcha . . . . the guy left a message on his answering machine sayin he had pulled a muscle in his back and was going to the Chiropractor today , and would let him know on Tuesday if he was able to do the job . I put my head in the dryer . I so specifically said : Do not get creeps out of the paper , go to the reputable places ! ! So , lets see if the guy shows up , or says his grandmother died , his trailer burned down . . or he just leaves town . Oh my trusting soul of a husband . In his mind , he stillPosted by I asked Gord , very nicely , to take a picture of me for my blog . I am getting tired of Cartman taking off his pants up there in the right hand corner . He was more than delighted , which should have given me my first clue . We went down into the living room and he told me where I should be standing etc . ( and all the while he was laughing , but I didn 't catch on ) . At the best of times he 's a little verklapsed in the head . He took 5 pictures of me standing here , then there , then over there . . etc . directing me all the while Then he said he had to go and do a service call which he was already late for . Boom , he was gone . He was still chuckling when he left . I took the camera to my computer and started to unload them . Well , for the loveofthatshithead , he had guided me all around the room where there was something directly above me head . I have pictures on top of my head , a pointy wall plaque , a plant and one very disturbing one . . . . A LAMPSHADE ! ! Does he know me . . or what ! ! I was on the cell so fast ! ! When he answered and heard it was me . . . he was still laughing , stupid bugger . Just look at this , I have a lampshade on my head , and I wasn 't even drinking . Of course I have my usual hoodie on too . I think this is grounds for divorce . The area of our city finally got sprayed for those mofo 's . . . and I got into my garden , without having a blood transfusion when I left . I bow to malathion , and if it kills me I will sue . opps could be a little late . I will leave a note in my Will for a class action suit . . then maybe Gord can get his 60 . 00 bucks back after I croak . Anywho , when I got into my garden tonight I discovered new critters had hatched . I shit you not . I hope they aren 't mutants from the spraying . Maybe I should be keeping my windows and door closed at night in case they multiply . Nothing worse than a bunch of plastic critters trying to find there way back to Wal Mart . . . growing bigger by the minute . . tromping through my backyard , into the street . . causing havok in the cul de sac . No we can 't have that . Did you see Mr . Duck ? How did he get in my bird bath . . little begger . I loves turtles , they are so cool , they have their own RV right on their back . They just pull under for the night . . . and it 's done man . No paying big bucks for a campsite . I will be keeping a prudy good eye on them tonight . . . if I see one of them move . . I will throw a Hairy Putter book at em . . and hope he can cure the curse . . . cause from hearsay , that guy is good . I know , a lot of Harry . . ( jeez it hard not writing hairy ) . . . okay Harry Potter fans will want to stone me . Go ahead , take your best shot . But really I likes munchkins so I would probably like Harry and his like . I actually saw the first movie about three weeks ago . . . and I loved it . . . I was getting there , I have to admit . I guess I 's getting old and just can 't get into fantasyland anymore . . and yes that is sad . But , I admire those who can take the time to sit down , and . . fuck the world , and say , I am now going to let this book take me away . My life is always so busy and fraught with different shit , I can 't ( or don 't ) take time for dreaming . Good on you Harry Potter fans , and maybe I will one day take the time to get out of my own skin . . . . and now I have cooties . I did a little layover at the thrift shop on my way home to see if they had any " tops " as I likes to call them . You see all my " tops " seem to have got a little shorter this year , and are not covering my big frigging tummy . Something on my upper end has enlarged , making my " tops " ride up jest a bit . Oh yeah ! So , it seems I have this bulge showing below my waist . I spent about an hour going over other peoples rejects , finding nothing but polyester striped golf shirts . You see , I only need these type of shirts for about two days a year because it will get cold again , and kerplunk . . its over rover . I tried on 4 " tops " that I might have considered wearing ( in the house ) not to work . The first one was a bright yellow , which made me look like I had the Asian flu , and lost . The second one was baby poo green , and it was made for a way bigger gal than me , it sort of flared at the bottom . . was I in the maternity section perhaps ? . . I dunno . The third was purple , and it obviously needed a red hat to go with it , to join some old red hat ladies society . The forth and final . . was denim . . now that was more like it . . but guess what . . . . it had cooties . . I was itching , scratching and sneezing after I tried it on , but it was pretty . . . but it had cooties I am sure . I left in the dressing room floor , picked up my flip flops and made a bee line for the door . That will teach me for being cheap . I went home and had a shower . I have a major problem with " tops " , I have to have a hoodie . . yeah I know it sounds weird , but I need a hoodie on anything I wear on TOP . I never put the hood up , I just like it to be there . Mental huh ? I must have 35 sweatshirts , T - shirts etc . . . and they all have hoods . Today I was looking for something lighter , and hoodless . No such luck . So , I will have to wear my old crappy worn out T shirts for the rest of the summer ( okay 4 days ) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On another note , my playful manner has got me into a wee bit of trouble . Last Monday Gord asked one of his customers to drop of $ 60 . 00 cash at my officPosted by By the time you see this it will be Monday . I have spent a few hours today trying to write a meaningful post instead of a just this and that . So , it will take a day or two to get it done . I was thinking of all the good vacations my parents took us on when we were young , and I 'm trying to find all the pic 's to go along with it . It 's going to be a nice journey going down memory lane . I haven 't walked that path for sometime now . With my brothers heart problems being foremost in my mind these days , writing about family is comforting . It 's funny how things can change so drastically from one week to the next . Two weeks ago . . the fart jar made me laugh . . . but now it seems so stupid . . . so insignificant . Maybe once I get over the dread of the phone ringing in the middle of the night with bad news , I will be able to relax . So , I 'll see you guys next week , hopefully I will have time to finish it . Yes , I know I will . . . . I have to , even if it 's not going to be a great " read " . . . it will be something I can keep for my memories . I am trying to get caught up after last weeks fiasco . . . I have left everything for this weekend . . and ya know how that goes . I still have not been able to get into my garden and pond to play with all my ugly garden gnomes , because of , yes you know . . Mr . Mosquito . Well , by this time tomorrow , they will all be dead . . . yes dead . . dead as doorknobs . . dead . And I will not attend their funeral . The city is spraying our area tonight . I cannot take much more of this , I tried to sit out on the deck and do stuff in the yard , but there are droves of them blood sucking purple people eaters . . . everywhere . I was reminded of my friend Janis 's B . Day two weeks ago , when one of her hippy friends , said . . " I could never kill anything . . Not even a mosquito . " Some nay sayers questioned her very stupid remark , and asked . . " what do you do when a mosquito bites you ? " . . she cocked her pretty little old head , and said , I just shooo them away . Well gosh and by golly . If my girlfriend wouldn 't have had me in a head lock , I would have spit in her vegetarian chip dip . Last night the " City " announced that spraying the city would be happening this weekend . . . with no exceptions . They used to let people have a boundary around their property as a . . no spray zone . So , sure as hell , all the berkenstocker lunatics came out trying to block the city trucks from getting out of their compound to do the spraying . They were wearing gear only seen in Iraq . . huge breathing apparatuses . . Lordy . The police had to ask them to either leave the city on the night of the spraying , or take a ride in their squad car . . God , just give me a few days of our short summer to go out and enjoy my deck and my garden ! Of course a friend of mine emailed me yesterday from BC and said . . " we never see a mosquito here " . . . I hate her . I hate anyone who has moved from Manitoba to a mosquito free zone , and shove it in my face . . nevermind the winter crap they try to shove up my butt too . I love it here . . I only wish to visit your mosquito free zones when it suit me fancy . Got it ? After work today I went tPosted by i just talked to him . . he 's home safe and sound . He managed a little walk this afternoon . . which he should so have not done . . it starts already . . . I feel sooo sorry form my SIL who will now be monitoring him day and night . Garry was a nut case last night when I saw him in the ICU . . . he just wanted out . . and I can 't blame him , because the ICU in not a good place to be . . no windows , no nothing for 7 straight days . . and he had only the nurses to chat up . . . which he did at length . . he thinks he 's a charmer . . and he is . I was always the shy one in the family ( yes I am . . and still am if I don 't know the company I am in ) . If I was ever to meet any internet friends I think I would have to take a huge dose of mind altering drugs . . cause I gets a little afraid . That 's why I love to blog , I don 't have to visit . . one on one , that makes the balonie a leetle nervous . . . and they might want to hug me fortheloveofmike . . . I 'm so stupid . Anyhow , for now either the worst is over , or about to start . . . I don 't like heart related issues . I 'm more about paper cuts , much safer . I 'm crossing my fingers and my toes . . he takes him med 's as prescribed , takes it easy , manages his diabetes . . which I think is part of the whole problem . I don 't think he realizes how important that is . Unless anything else comes up . . I hope I can start talking about something else for shits sake . . I 'm tired of this crap and if anyone is listening I am sure you are too . BTW . . my pond looks like shit . . . I can 't even get near it in the garden , the mosquitoes are sooooo bad ! ! On the far side of the garden I have a whole row of raspberry bushes that are ripe . I tried to pick a few today , but got bombarded by those little fuckers . . . . Okay , guess I will have a little ice - cream cup and hit the hay . Just a note to SK . . Iffn you be reading this . . I couldn 't put a comment in your blog today , but I hope your bidness picks up . Gord has been having the same problem since July 1st . . . everyone leaves the city for the lake or beyond for holiday . He was getting a little worried , but slowly its coming back . Posted by We are not even close to Florida . . . I see no reason for the humidity . Why would it come here . We don 't have alligators ? I don 't get it . My friggin smoke alarm has rang every . . count them ( 3 ) minutes all day today . The dog is sitting on the floor with her paws around her ears , and I am madly waving and tea towel at the sumambitch . . . I can 't take out the batteries because it hooked up direct . Fuzz . I think the problem is that I am doing laundry and the dryer is putting more humidity in the air . I have got the air conditioning on full tilt . . . but it is oppressing today , nothing is helping . Gordon tried to kill himself and me this morning . It was sooo humid , but he said he had to GET things done here today . Faaaa . . because it rains every Sunday and shit does not get done on our day off . . . . and yes he is right . Our yard looks like a piece of crap ( street side ) because we dug the lawn up to get the water away from the basement in spring , plus we had a whole muther load of sand waiting to be put under the front stairs sitting on the driveway . We had water coming in our basement this spring , because the Mr . did not fix the eaves as mentioned once before in another bitchin blog . . and all the water went into the weeping tiles . . then into the rec room . . SO . . . today , the worst day in the world he decides to pull up 1000 pounds of patio stones and put sand underneath the stairs . . . and you know . . this is even to hard to explain . . because it was so stupid I can 't believe I actually tried to help him . . . because I was afraid he was going to get heat stroke or a heart attack . . which has been very much in my mind these days . By the time we finished shoveling and packing the sand under the front stairs , and then lining up the patio bricks . . . to put them back in place ( which will never happen ) because every one of those suckers leaned a little left or right to HIS satisfaction . It was so damn hot . I had a shovel . . . and I was just about to USE . . it . . . just one more nitpicking word . . . it would have been over his head . . nahhhh . . . . it was just the " heat " talkPosted by We found out last night that Garry won 't be needing an operation after all . I am sure glad God didn 't find me too annoying after all ! ! After a weeks worth of waiting and Dr . deliberations , they finally came to a consensus last night . They are no longer calling it a heart attack . . . they have a new name . . an EPISODE . . hmmm ( do ya think ) ? Apparently , his preexisting diabetes condition comes into play here somewhere . Sludgie blood seems to be the culprit . So , he will be on blood thinners to combat any further " episodes " . His heart attack was apparently not a classic , he did not have chest pains , but shortness of breath and arm pain . Therefore the Doc 's have been doing endless tests to see where the problem lies . They believe this will do the trick . Let 's hope so ! He should be out by Tuesday . Thanks to all of you who sent me encouraging messages , it means a lot . I 'm off the hospital to make fun of him , now that I know he 's going to be okay ! Tomorrow Garry gets the angioplasty . . . Balonie is getting somewhat somber . . this is to close for comfort . It 's always fun and games till someone looses their " heart . " I 'm going to have a talk with the " big guy . . upstairs " tonite . . . I hope he remembers me . . because sometimes I is a little remiss in my talks with him . GOD , " it 's me balonie " talking . . . " you know the one who only prayed and prayed when her mother was dying " . . . " well it 's me again " . . I have another dilemma . . . could you help me out here ? Yes god , I am a shit head . . . I don 't contact you when things are running smoothly , I only try to get your attention when things screw up . . . . and I wouldn 't blame you for ignoring me this time , because I am with out a doubt annoying . But , if you don 't want to do it for me , then could you do it for my SIL and my nieces . . who dearly love their daddy . I will know your answer tomorrow . . . Went to see my bebby bro today after work . He is looking fine , bored , a little scared , and a little ornery . He is still in ICU being tracked from every orifice . . but he is doing okay . He will be having a what I call a " Angel Plasty " . . LOL on Friday . . . where they put a long tube in his leg to his heart of hearts and blow up a balloon to smash all the bad stuff out . I hope I haven 't got too technical for ya ' all . . He was in a really good mood , and we laughed and laughed . . . like the ole days . I have always been the " teaser " in the family , and when I get going on something , I just don 't give up . . shut - up I know ! ! Gord and Garry ( my bro ) were discussing our vehicle woes ( not any of them work right ) whilst I was looking at a booklet he had on his night table . It was one of those . . . Heart Attack booklets which explained . . . " what you have done wrong " . . . and now " how to make it right . " There were questionnaire 's in there where he and his nurse filled out . He lied at least two times that I could see . . bugger . . It said . . Do you smoke : NO . . Ahem . . . I called him on it and he said that was not a lie , because he does not smoke now . . . fertheloveofmike . . no . . . he hasn 't smoked since Monday when he had the heart attack . . . jezzzzzlouise . . denial be your name bebby bro . ahhhhhAnyway , the booklet had much more interesting stuff in it . It said on Week 1 of your release from the hospital you will be restricted in certain activities , and the following are the activities we recommend : ( just a few ) light duties such as dishwashing . . . short walks . . . taking a bogger out of your nose . . . okay I am making some of it up . . . but there really was one that said . . knitting . . . that one struck my funny bone . When the guys had finished up the " guy " talk I told Garry , he would have to start knitting when he got out . . . I said " look , it says that here right in your heart attack book . " He told me to F . off . . . okay then , I knew I had his attention . I brought knitting into every conversation after that , until he told me to leave LOLLLLL . . . good times , just like the old days . I quiPosted by The phone woke me up early this morning . My SIL was on the line . She told my brother had a heart attack last night . He was in the ICU at the Health Science Center . My heart fell to my feet . My little bro ! ! ! I bombarded her with questions , poor thing , she gave me the low down , and told me to call his ICU nurse for more information if I needed it . She and the kids were very tired after being up since 12 : 00 the night before . I called , and they told me he was holding his own . They didn 't give me what I wanted to hear . . . I wanted to hear HE IS GOING TO BE OKAY ! ! ! PALESSE . . The nurse calmed me down and said I could see him after 10 : 00 this morning . It was 7 : 00 AM , I had three hours to wait until I could see with my own eyes how he was doing . It was the longest three hours I have ever spent . I cleaned out the toaster , windexed everything that was not shiny , made the bed , swept the floor , and cleaned out a junk drawer before it was time to go . When I got there , he looked suprisingly good ! He starting insulting me ( in a good way ) right away , so I knew he wasn 't brain damaged or anything . He has a temporary pace maker on his neck and tubes coming out all over his body hooked up to a heart monitor . The doc told him he has major blockage to his heart from the main valve . The plan is to remove that and insert the pace - maker . . . and then he 's good to go ! ! I doubt if it will be that easy . He is very restless just laying there , he 's the kind of guy that can 't sit still for a minute . We only stayed for 3 / 4 of an hour , I didn 't want to over do it . I helped him with his dinner , which was hard for him to reach because of all the tubing . . we shot the shit for awhile and I could see he was tired so we left . I gave him a big kiss and I 'll see him tomorrow , that is if I can find my way there . This hospital is the largest one in Winnipeg plus it way out on the other side of town . Gord dropped bread crumbs on our way there this morning so I can find it by myself tomorrow ! ! I will have to drive his truck , because my big horking van won 't fit inPosted by I went grocery shopping on Thursday before the long weekend . When I came home , I decided not to let the dog out right away , because I wanted to pick up all her TOYS on the lawn before I mowed it . . . and if I let her out she thinks it 's a big play time and keeps bringing them back . I went into the shed and took out the lawn mower . As I was pulling it back into the yard , I noticed something yellow on the far side of the yard just underneath an old overgrown apple tree . I starting walking towards it , not really thinking , but just curious , and as I got closer it could see it was a chain saw . . . hmmm I was thinking Gord finally bought a chain saw for our jungle . . but before I could get all my thoughts together . . . A MAN WALKED OUT FROM THE UNDERBRUSH . . towards me . I freaked . All my brain could comprehend was " CHAIN SAW / BIG MAN DRESSED IN BLACK . " I backed up so quickly I caught my leg on the mower an damn near did a " face plant " . . . He picked up the chain saw and started walking towards me . . . and was talking to me . . . but all I could hear was a roaring in my ears and panic . Finally after what seemed an eternity , he yelled , I am Earl 's friend from next door . Okay , I was thinking , I know Earl , but who the fuck are you ? I didn 't say anything . I had myself positioned behind the lawnmower in case he got any closer so I could put some distance between us . He kept on getting closer , and was apologizing for scaring me , and said my husband had told our neighbour Earl , that he could trim the trees that were hanging over his property , and Earl had asked him to do it because he had a chain saw . I said . . why are you on my property ? I would assume you would be taking the branches off from the other side of the fence ! . . Shit head . He explained that they were too big and he wanted to make a nice job of it . . . . and he " raped " two of my trees the MOFO . He had everything cut right to the limit . I was so friggin pissed at him . I just told him , to finish up and I would be talking to " Earl " about this . That guy would have been absolute " toast " if I had letPosted by Phoohey . . . I was getting used to sleeping in until 10 : 00AM . The week - end was pretty unproductive , unless you count Friday , when I pretty well finished my pond . And now I 'm not too sure I like what I have done . You know the old saying in interior design " buy your carpet first , then your furniture . " Well , what I did with my garden was , I bought the furniture ( the pond , plants etc . ) first and then laid down the carpet ( chipped bark ) . It look kinda weird . The bark is a cedar colour and it takes away from the colours of the plants . It almost makes them look washed out . When the background was just black earth , they stood out . Now they look like weeds . . ahhhh me oh my ! ! Well , I guess it doesn 't matter much anymore , because the mosquito population has just reached record numbers with all the rain , and I can 't even go into the garden without getting one of those little bastard stinging my ass ! Yesterday we went to my " hippy chick friend 's " B . Day partaay . I got her a gift , PLUS the FART JAR ! LOL . . . I made her open that first in front of all her friends and such . . . and she read the label aloud , rolled her eyeballs at me . . and said . . . ONLY Joan would do this ! ! ! HA . She thanked me later because we had Chicken Wings and BEANS for supper . I 'm pretty dang sure it 's all filled up by now . Okay , this will be the last time I talk about Fart Jars . . . I think I have milked for all it was worth . . and more . . sorry Phyllis . We had a great party at her house . She is so talented . She has taken a post war house in the inner city and made it a beautiful home . She took a carpentry course about three years ago ( and I laughed ) . . but she has build a huge deck , a water feature , a beautiful garden with wooden arches . . . I don 't know where she gets the energy ! She has installed ( hardwood flooring ) thru out her house . . BY HERSELF . . Lordy . The guests were great too , we see them every year , only at her birthday . She is an advocate for people seeking immigration to Canada and she has made so many friends of different origins over the past 10 years . I counted last nighPosted by I have been some busy beaver today , I got my fart jar ready an waiting , and got most of the tree bark around my little pond done . Do you see Mr Aligatator fishing ? LOL . . . I just finished a few minutes ago , and the mosquitoes were eating up me insides out there , and I had to come in . I wish I would have had more time to rake and do stuff . I have more rocks coming , but I have to pick them up from a quarry about an hour from here . The sign says . . . $ 10 . 00 . . pick as many as you want . Shit , after doing all this today I 'd be lucky to lift a pebble . Canada Day has been going on all around me , I can hear the people in the nabe , having pool parties and all . Sokay , balonie don 't need a pool party , I have my own pool . Now if I could only fit into it ! ! Gord still isn 't home , he had a roof to patch tonight on one of our rental properties . I hate it when he climbs up on a roof . PHONE A ROOFER . . . is my loud suggestion . He came back home about two hours ago and got a tarp and some roofing nails . . . how pretty do you think that roof is going to look like ? ? Do you think the tenant is going to like a bright blue tarp draped on top of the roof of his house , with 2 " x4 " 's nailed in to keep it place ? Oh Lordy . . . Gordie . . I know the house is old , and he has tried to tar the roof and such , but maybe we should think of putting new shingles on . . . do ya think ? ? fuzzz Posted by |
Just wanted to say sorry for the long delays . Gbc and I have been having some editing problems , but they should be fixed now . I have lots of chapters done that are just waiting to be edited then they 're all yours . This is a stand alone story blah blah blah . Hope it will keep you guys busy until I get the next few chapters of Geist and APR out there . No one may use these works , or show them on another website , without my permission . Love opened his eyes and stretched . He looked over at the clock and saw he had only slept for an hour and a half , but shrugged and rolled over . He sat on the edge of the small twin bed and rubbed his eyes . He yawned and stood up , leaving the sleeping quarters . " Been sleepin ' , Gordon ? " The chief asked as he passed him in the hallway . " Nope , you know it 's your turn to cook . " The chief laughed and walked into his office , closing the door behind him . Love stumbled down the stairs slowly , finding himself in the kitchen . " Well , you get chicken . You have a problem with it you can get your asses up here and make your god damn steak . " Love smiled at his fellow firefighters and winked . They rolled their eyes and grumbled , going back to their cards or newspapers . Heavy footsteps were heard on the floors of the kitchen . " Hey , what 's for dinner . " Adams leaned over Love 's shoulder . " Aw man , I thought we were having steak . " Adams frowned and sat down at the table , peeking at the others cards before he sat . " We have a new guy joining the crew , after losing Reed . . . We needed another guy around . " The chief said , trailing off when mentioning their fallen brother . The room was quiet as they all thought about their friend . " Now . Guys , this is Garrett . " A tall man stepped into the kitchen , a smile across his face . Love looked him up and down and went back to his food without saying anything . He didn 't have anything against the guy personally , but no one could replace Reed . " Hey . " Garrett held up a hand . The guys looked at him before going back to what they were doing . The chief sighed and rolled his eyes . " Don 't be dickheads . " He said simply , before walking back to his office . The room was awkwardly quiet as Love set down the plates of food . It was a simple meal ; Chicken , rice , and peas . He set down the plates in front of each crew member and then stared up at Garrett . " Gordon . " Love said , introducing himself by his last name . The other men dug into their meals , still complaining about the chicken . Love set down the last plate in front of Garrett . " So , Gordon . When are you gonna learn how to cook food that doesn 't taste like shit ? " Adams teased , poking him with his fork . " When you learn how to cook at all . So basically , when pigs shitting snowballs in Hell start flying . " Love threw a pea at him . Suddenly , the alarm went off and immediately all the men stepped into action . As they tried to crowd out the room , a few jumped over the table and rushed to the room where the truck was . They pulled on their gear quickly and climbed into the vehicle . Adams got behind the wheel and the rest of the men piled in . Love sat on the end and during the drive , took the chance to look at himself and the crew . He stared at his reflection in the window silently . He supposed he was good looking . His hair was black and straight , hanging down just above his eyes and barely above his neck . His eyes were green , his skin lightly tanned and his nose small . He was the smallest on the crew , weighing only 180 pounds . He stood at only 5 ' 5 " while most of the others were 5 ' 10 " or taller . He was small , but he was the fastest on the crew . And , as a bonus , his size allowed him in the small places they often found themselves in . He turned to the rest of the crew in the car . He had been on the crew for over six years now . The main crew consisted of himself , Adams , the Chief , Ross , Thomas , and now Garrett . Of course there were a lot more people . But the ones he usually had contact with were just those five . Adams and the Chief had been on long before he had . They were both older , being on the crew for more than fifteen years now . Adams still looked young , his blonde hair was cut short in a buzz and his features were sharp and hard , unlike his personality . He was always the first to make the jokes . Love looked at Ross , the permanently stoic one . He hardly ever spoke and was always the first one in and the last one out of a fire . His father had been a firefighter also and , though Ross had joined the crew only a month or two before Love did , he was more dedicated to the job than any of them . He even shaved his head to stay safer in the fires . His eyes were so dark they were almost black . Thomas had joined at the same time Love had . He was shy and quiet . He was so timid that a lot of the time it was a burden on the crew . But he worked the best with the children and women . His equipment skills had much to be desired , but his people skills were the best on the team . His red hair was usually kept under his helmet and few of the crew had actually ever seen it . But it was cut short falling in small curls around his head . His brown eyes had a way of sucking people in , making them trust him with their lives . Love looked at Garrett . It sucked being thrown into a call with a new crew member . They didn 't even know if they could trust him . Adams pulled the truck up next to the building . Love pulled his helmet on and made sure it was on tight . They stared up at the burning building with smoke pouring from the windows where screams could be heard . " Gordon , Thomas , Garrett . Inside . Ross , Adams , on the hoses . " The Chief walked around . Love , Garrett , and Thomas turned on their radios . " Garrett , " The Chief said . The new member turned around . The Chief handed their largest member an axe . " Get your asses in there . " He shouted , over the roaring fire . Love was the first one in . His oxygen mask was on firmly and he got used to breathing through it quickly . Garrett was close behind him , and Thomas trailed behind . " Get up there fast , boys . " The Chief said , through the radio . " She 's on the third . " The chief said . " You guys hear that ? " Love asked . The other two men nodded to affirm . They reached the third floor and Love hesitated . " What room ? " Love asked . The apartment building was large and there had to be at least twenty rooms on this floor alone . " Get away from the door ! " He shouted , before swinging the axe hard at the wood . It crumbled beneath the metal , already soft from the fire that had been weakening it . The men piled into the room , searching the apartment quickly . " Next one ! " Love sighed , there was no way they were going to find her in time . He could already feel the floor bending with their weight . Suddenly , his foot fell through the floor . He shouted in surprise and Garrett and Thomas tried to help him up quickly . " Spread out , the floor is too weak ! We have to split up ! Check the right rooms , make sure to test the floors before entry ! " He said to Garrett . " Check the left , I 'll go through there . " He said to Thomas , pointing out his direction under a fallen piece of ceiling . He ducked under a huge piece of wood and continued to the other half of the hallway . The crying was definitely louder here . " Throw me the axe . Get your asses out of here . " Love said , the radio crackling . The axe slid across the wooden floors , through the gap under the piece of wood . Love took it , and checked each door , listening for the crying and feeling for the heat that indicated a fire behind it . Finally , at the end of the hall was a cooler door with the crying behind it . " Get away from the door ! " He shouted loud enough so she could hear . He heard the floor creak under his and her weight and he pulled back the axe . It took several swings but the door finally cracked in half . He kicked the rest of it down before stepping into the room . The room was small and he found her quickly . She was huddled in the far corner of the living room behind a couch . Love stepped forward and the floor whined under him . He heard it begin to snap and crunch . He stepped back . " I need you to come to me , just walk slowly over here . " He held out his hand to the little girl . She picked up the teddy bear she was holding and began walking slowly over to Love . He held his hand as far as he could , inching over the burning floor . She held her teddy bear to her with her left hand and reached out for Love 's with the right . He stretched farther and wrapped his slim fingers around her wrist as the floor gave out under them . He ended up hanging over the edge halfway . She dangled above a pit of burning splinters of wood . She screamed and dropped her bear . It landed in the fire and began melting with the heat . " Gordon , what the fuck is going on in there ? " The chief asked . Love couldn 't speak . He held himself and the girl with all the strength he had . He tugged her back up , hearing her wrist crack with the force he had to use . She screamed louder and he scooped her up , holding her against his chest . He stepped out of the room and walked down the hallway . " You have to climb through there , I 'll be right behind you , just wait for me . " Love directed her . She shook her head and held on to him . " You have to go , now . " Love pulled her off him and set her down on the creaking floor . He heard the roof above them creak and groan as a huge chunk of it fell to the ground floor only five feet behind them . " Shit ! " He cursed . She shook her head and tried to back up against him . He was getting frustrated . If they didn 't move now , they would both die . Suddenly an arm appeared under the fallen beam . It grabbed her and pulled her under the piece of ceiling . Love crawled through right behind her . Garrett stood on the other end . " I told you to get the fuck out of here . " Love shouted . Garrett didn 't answer . Half the hallway collapsed behind them and they got moving . Love scooped up the girl and they high tailed it out of there . A piece of ceiling fell in front of them , blocking off that path . Love looked around quickly . In the room to their right the floor had caved in , a large wooden beam slanted down towards the ground floor . " That 's the only way . " Garrett said . " Fuck me . " Love cursed . He looked over at the girl and saw she was coughing . He took off his mask and put it over her face . " What are you doing ? " Garrett asked . Love didn 't waste any of the valuable oxygen he had taken in before giving up his only source of air . He handed Garrett the girl and tested the weight of the thin beam . It creaked , but didn 't bend . He wrapped his legs around it and crawled down slowly . A few feet separated his out stretched hands from the girls dangling feet . " I have to drop her . " Garrett said , as another piece of ceiling fell behind him , making him flinch . Love nodded , beginning to feel dizzy . Garrett counted down slowly . " One , two . . . Three ! " He dropped the girl and Love caught her , falling back on his ass . Garrett climbed down the pole quickly and the two men and child ran out of the building . Not thirty seconds after they got out , the building collapsed sending smoke and ash everywhere . The girl cried while Love choked and coughed on the ground . Garrett picked up the girl and handed her to the medics who took her to the ambulance waiting with her mother . He knelt next to Love patting him on the back as he choked and coughed . " You 're an idiot . " He said , a scowl on his face . " And a god damn hero . " He gave a small smile , slapping Love on the back , making him cough again . Love pulled the mask away from his face , giving it back to the medic . " It 's a god damn good thing I didn 't . If he hadn 't been there you wouldn 't be sitting here right now , you moron . " The chief slapped him on the back of the head . Love nodded . " Yeah , where is he ? " He asked . The chief pointed . He pushed himself off the back of the ambulance and headed towards Garrett who was grabbing a bottle of water and chugging it . " It 's no problem , Gordon . It 's what crew members are for . " Garrett shrugged . Love nodded before beginning to walk away . He stopped and turned around . " Yep , on his birth certificate and everything . Love Gordon . " Adams said . " If any of us calls him that , he 'll kick our asses . He " " Reed , the guy you replaced . " Adams said , suddenly serious . He slapped Garrett on the back again , and walked away . " He was the only other person who 's ever saved his life . " Adams called back over his shoulder . Garrett watched him walk away , and then let his eyes wander over to Love . " Reed . " Love smiled without looking up at him . He sat there , cleaning his gear while he was on his four days off . Reed had to work five days on four days off this one time , replacing one of the other crew 's members while he was in the hospital . " You know what 's so bad about that . We work in a firehouse for Christs sake Reed . The fact that we work together should be reason enough not to do anything . " Love said . " But we will be later . " Love pushed away the hand that had been wandering up his thigh . " Hey guys , Gordon , what are you still doing here ? " The Chief walked in suddenly . " Maybe I like the danger . " Reed moved his chin to face him and kissed his lips firmly . Love moaned and leaned into the kiss . They kissed for a minute before his brain decided to come back to him . He pushed him away and wiped his mouth . " And we have to go to the next town over . " Love said . Reed seemed unhappy about that , but agreed . He stood up and began walking away . " It was really impressive , what you did today . " Garrett said . " You saved that little girl 's life . " " It 's my job , " Love shrugged . " Besides , I couldn 't have done it without you . " He smiled . " Yeah , well . I 'm not Thomas . " Garrett looked at Love , with something that Love couldn 't exactly place in , in his eyes . " The Chief said I start on your schedule , so technically I only had to be on call one day . " Garrett laughed . " You want to go get something to eat ? " Garrett asked . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ They sat at the small diner . Garrett ordered the steak and Love ordered a salad . They waited for their order to arrive from the older waitress and took the time to talk . " What made you start ? " " Well , when I was little , my house caught on fire . I had to have been five or six . I remember it was really early in the morning , still dark out . The house caught fire and the door was warped so I couldn 't open it . My room wasn 't on fire , but it was filled with smoke . I remember this older firefighter was sent to get me . He had to have been on the crew for at least ten years , he was definitely seasoned . But anyways , he broke down the door , and carried me out . I don 't think I 'll ever forget that . He held me when they told me they couldn 't get my parents out . " Love said the last part with bitter remorse . " Yeah , me too . I just wanted to keep that from happening to any other kid . You know ? " " Yeah , that must have been rough . Growing up without parents . " Garrett said . " Yeah , my foster parents were just in it for the check they got each month . " Love shrugged . " What about you ? Let me hear your sob story . " Love smiled , stealing one of Garrett 's fries . " I don 't really have one I guess . My dad was a firefighter , he retired a few years ago . I just wanted to follow in his footsteps . I have a big family , three sisters and two brothers . My oldest sister lives in New York , an she 's decided to follow in my dads footsteps too . " Garrett laughed . " It is , except when we have to share the bathroom . There 's never any hot water left . " Garrett smiled . " That 's why I moved out so fast I guess . " Garrett laughed . " Now I 'm stuck in this little one bedroom apartment . " " Sounds like my place . " Love laughed . " Why not ? " Love frowned . " We saved each others lives back there , I don 't think a whole lot is going to change that . " Love said . Garrett looked at him . " You 're right , you shouldn 't tell anyone . " Love said . Garrett looked hurt . " It 's not like that , Garrett . I just meant that people can be cruel . That 's . . . why I haven 't come out yet . " Love said , after a moment of hesitation . " Yeah , yeah . Just . . . Just keep all of this between us . " Love grumbled , digging in to his salad . Garrett stared at him before nodding and cutting into his own steak . " If he was gay , that doesn 't mean he wasn 't a good man . " Garrett said , Love didn 't know how to respond to that . " You talk about him like he 's a lost lover . " Garrett said , after a moment of silence . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ " See , aren 't you glad you gave me a chance . " Reed said , out of breath after their love making . Love rolled over and snuggled into his chest . " Our pagers are right there , Love . If they need us we can be - " He was interrupted by both of their radios going off . They jumped out of bed and threw on their clothes quickly . They ran out of the door , still putting their shoes on . " Fuck it , get your asses in there . " The chief said . They grabbed their helmets and Reed grabbed an axe and they ran after Adams who was waiting near the building . " Have a woman on the second floor . " Adams said . Love headed towards the stairs and began climbing them when he heard a crash behind him . He looked back to see a piece of ceiling fall at the bottom of the stairs . Reed and Adams jumped back as flames and burning chunks of wood flew in their direction . " Go around , there should be another set of stairs down that hall . " Love said , through the radio . Adams took off down the hallway but Reed hesitated . " Yeah , your up there . But you can 't get down and it 's only going to get worse . Get your asses out of there ! " The Chief repeated . Love froze before moving to the first door and slamming against it with his shoulder . It broke under his force and he searched the apartment quickly before moving to the next one . " Gordon , where are you ? ! " The Chief asked . " The other two are already out ! " " I 'm staying in here , I 'm going to find her . " Love said . " God damn it Gordon , get your ass out of there ! " The Chief was really pissed . " Reed , where the fuck are you going ? " He heard him over the radio . " Fuck you , Love . I 'm already inside . " Reed said . Love heard wood splinter and the roof begin creaking . Reed suddenly appeared at the stairs that had been blocked off . " What the fuck ? " " It 's called an axe , Love . " Reed held up the large fire axe . " You know how dangerous that is ! " Love slapped him on the shoulder . " Fuck it , you 're already up here . Check those rooms . " Love said , he took the axe and cut down his doors while Reed slammed through his . " Love . " Reed said . Love ran to the room Reed was in and saw him kneeling next to the burnt corpse . " Do you think . . . ? " " Yeah . Come on , we need to get out of here . " Reed said . Love stared at the woman before following Reed quickly down the cleared stares . They got out and Love went directly behind the fire truck sitting near by . Reed followed him and soon they were alone . Love ripped off his helmet and leaned against the truck . Reed turned off his radio quickly . " It wasn 't your fault , you know as well as any of us that this kind of stuff happens . She was probably dead long before we got there , Love . " Reed stepped behind him , putting his large hands on his shoulders . " No , it 's not . You 're too god damn hard on yourself . " Reed said . Love cried and shoved his face into Reed 's soot covered chest . Reed stroked his back and let him cry . Love pulled away suddenly and wiped the tears from his face . " We can 't let anyone see us . " Love sad . He put on his helmet again , and walked back to the crew , getting ready to search the ashes . " I will cut you , seniority and career be damned . " He said , pointing the knife at the Chief . The Chief laughed and walked off in the direction of his office . Love put the knife down and turned back to the soda . " So you guys , I was with this chick last night , " Adams started . " Oh , my , god ! She was as tight as a virgin but as wild as a well seasoned whore . " Adams and most of the other guys laughed . " You 're such a pig , Adams . " Love laughed , and the other guys nodded their agreement . " Your mom . " Garrett said without missing a beat . Adams threw a fork at him . " Asshole , come on tell us . " " I 'm with Love on this one , I don 't kiss and tell . Sorry boys . " Garrett laughed . " Children , Children . " Love rolled his eyes . Suddenly the alarm went off and the men piled into the truck as fast as they could , some still putting on their helmets . " What do we have , Chief ? " Ross , the ever quiet , asked . " Some dumb - asses tried looting a burning building . The fire burned itself out , but those two daredevils got trapped under some rubble . " The chief laughed . " Guys ! " Love shouted , as the two pressed against his hands trying to separate them . Garrett , Adams , and Thomas watched , surprised with several cops . " Bite me , you piece of shit ! " The cop shouted , and the two lunged at each other like territorial cats . " Fuck . . Me ! " Love grunted as he tried to keep the two apart . Ross swung at the cop , and missed , hitting Love in the cheek . Love grunted and lost his temper . " Enough ! " He shouted , He pushed the cop back violently , and Garrett grabbed Ross around his chest , keeping him away from Love and the cop . " Sit your ass down ! " Love shouted at the cop , who had fallen on his ass on the ground . " Get your ass in there ! " He shouted at Ross . " Nothin . . . " " That 's what I fucking thought , now get your stupid caveman pansy ass in that fucking building Ross . " Love scowled . Ross spit on the ground , before walking over and pulling a large slab of wall off of the pile that sat on top of the men . Adams , Thomas , and Ross stepped into the mostly standing building . " Jesus , Gordon . You got more balls than I do , looks like I made the right choice making you the crew leader . " The Chief said . " Are you okay , he hit you pretty hard . " Garret ran his thumb over the already purple cheekbone . " I 'm fine . " Love slapped his hand away . Garrett frowned . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Love groaned as the hot water washed over his shoulders . The steam filled the showering room and he let the hot water wash away the dirt and grime . He heard the door open and let the water run over his face . He heard the sound of another shower head being turned on . Love moved his face away from the water and turned to see the muscled back of Garrett . He swallowed and let his eyes wander down to the firm twin globes . He licked his lips and turned forward again . Love ran his hands over his face and winced at the large bruise that formed on his cheek . " It hurts pretty bad , too . " Love mumbled , over the roar of the two shower heads . Love couldn 't help but watch over his shoulder as Garrett soaped up his body . He felt his cock twitch and forced himself to look away . As soon as he did he heard Garrett hiss in pain . " What 's wrong ? " Love turned around , looking over his shoulder again . At this rate , he was going to get a crick in his neck . " I think I hurt my wrist , when I pulled Ross off of you . " Garrett moved his right hand carefully . He rotated his wrist and hissed in pain again , bringing it close to his chest . " Let me see . " Love said . He walked across the tiled floor and took Garrett 's hand in his , completely forgetting they were alone and naked in the shower . He held his wrist gently and turned it . " I think your arm is broken . " Love said . " You 'll have to take off until it 's healed . You should go get a cast . " He turned and walked back to his hot water . He turned to see what Garrett was doing and saw him staring at him . " Were you looking at my ass ? " He frowned . " When will he be back ? " Adams asked , but they all knew how bad it was . Losing even one team member could mean someone loses their lives . The odds were against them as it was . " As soon as his arm heals he 'll be back , luckily it 's only a small fracture and the Doc said he should be able to come back to work in a week or two . As long as he goes easy on his arm . " The Chief said . He turned to Ross . " You 're lucky he 's not pressing charges , shit for brains . Get in a fight again , and I 'll lock you alone in a room with Love . " The Chief pointed over his shoulder at Love with his thumb . " Stop calling me that ! " Love threw a wooden cutting board at the Chief , who scurried out of the room . The cutting board smacked the wall loudly and snapped in half leaving a dent in the wall . " Jesus , " Thomas laughed quietly . " That 's why I stay on Gordon 's good side . " He said , turning back to his paper and coffee . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ " Just a second ! " Garrett called out . He was making dinner as the knock on his door echoed through his tiny apartment . He turned the stove down and jogged towards the door . He was as surprised as possible to see Love standing there . " I 'm fine , but thanks . " Love smiled . Garrett 's arm was in a blue sling , with a brace to match . " Hows your arm ? " Love asked . " It 's okay . Hurts if I put any pressure on it , but other than that it 's painless . " Garrett shrugged , looking down at his arm . " How did you find out where I live ? Not that I 'm not glad you 're here . " Garrett went to stir the sauce for the fettuccine . " Maybe a little . . . Bastard should know better than to call me Love . " Love shrugged again . Garrett smiled and laughed , he looked at the shorter man quietly for a second . " Are you sure you don 't want to stay ? There 's really too much for me to eat alone , and to tell you the truth , I 'm kind of lonely here . " Garrett smiled . Love hesitated . " I 'll set another plate . " He grabbed a plate and set it down in front of the second chair on the table . Love took off his jacket and set it on the chair . " Yeah . " Love said , as the radio he had to carry with him cracked as a call was given out . " Do you need to go ? " Garrett asked . " No . " Love sat down . Garrett poured the sauce over the noodles and dished up both plates . He opened a bottle of wine . " I shouldn 't . " Love shook his head . " I get off at Midnight . " Love shrugged and sipped the wine , it wasn 't often that he was this care free when it came to his job . He usually took it seriously enough . " Thanks , I 'm not much of a cook but I do make a mean Fettuccine Alfredo . " Garrett smiled . Love laughed . " So how are you guys holding up without me ? " Garrett asked . " Fine , I guess . It 's weird being back to just us again , I think we all kind of miss you . " Love said , honestly . " What 's up with you ? One minute you 're cuddled up in my chest , the next your telling me to piss off . " Reed asked . " No ! " Reed shouted even louder . Love stared at him , they were both breathing heavily . They stared at each other silently . Reed gripped Love 's hand and the two were in an intense gaze for a long moment . Finally , Reed saw tears forming in Love 's eyes . He leaned in and kissed him passionately . " Shit . . . " Reed mumbled between kisses . Love pressed him up against the wall and nearly climbed up his body . Reed moaned and pulled Love into his chest . Love sighed happily into Reed 's kiss . " Told you you would come around . " Reed smiled as he pulled Love through the hallway . " This doesn 't mean anything . " Love pulled away . Reed followed him to the apartment and through the door . " Yeah , I was just . . . thinking about something . So what about you ? You came out at your old department and had to move ? " Love asked . Garrett went a little pale . He looked down at his dish and set down his fork , wiping his mouth . " It 's a little more complicated than that . " Garrett mumbled . " I 'm sorry , touchy subject ? " " No , it 's just . . . Yeah I guess it is . But it 's only fair , I asked you about Reed . . . " Garrett said , a little louder but not much . He sighed . " I was with somebody , Jack , he . . " Garrett 's voice cracked . He took a deep breath . " He didn 't want me to come out . Said that it was too dangerous . But I was so sick of hiding . I just wanted to be myself , you know ? " Garrett said . Love nodded . " I didn 't listen to him . " Garrett looked at Love with regret . " I came out . Some of the guys reacted badly , I should have thought it through more . But I didn 't . They followed me home one night . They beat me unconscious . When I woke up . . . " Garrett stared off into space . " There was so much blood . Jack had been there with me . . . They 'd broken a few ribs and my leg . . . But they had done worse to Jack . Hospital rushed Jack into surgery , but there was too much blood loss . When I last saw him . . . " Garrett began crying . He tried to continue but he only sobbed quietly . Love stared at him for a second before getting up and stroking his hair . " You had every right to your freedom . " Love tried to convince him . Garrett just shook his head . Love closed his eyes . " It wouldn 't have gone any better , if you hadn 't come out . " Love said . " I know , but it 's the thought that counts right ? You don 't have to eat them . " Reed laughed . He set the plate down , an accepting but somewhat sad look in his eyes . Love stared at him and rolled his eyes , smiling . He reached for the plate and began eating the semi - burned pancakes . " Oh jesus what have I done . " Love asked himself . He looked around before taking the pancakes off the plate and stuffing them between the two mattress 's he sat on . " Fuck , can 't a guy get some ass without his boss butting in ? " Reed asked , squeezing Love 's ass playfully . Love smiled but stayed quiet . " What ? No , it was just a joke Love . I 'm sorry . " Reed kissed him . Love smiled at the kiss and began dozing on Reed 's chest . " We need to get dressed , Chief will want us there early I 'm sure . " Reed said . " Yeah . He was so outgoing . He wanted to come out . I didn 't . I was scared . So he kept lying , for me . It just made him upset . He wanted to be with me , but he was unhappy . " Love said . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ " Why are you so scared all the time , Love ? " Reed shouted . " All I want is to be able to walk down the street and hold your hand , is that so much to ask ? God damn it ! " In his anger he threw the glass cup at the wall . It shattered , sending water everywhere . Love sat there quietly while Reed yelled at him . " I want to kiss you in public , I want to go on a date in THIS town . Not the next one over . I want to move in together , I want to be with you but I can 't because if we 're within a mile of ANYONE , you won 't even let me touch you ! " Reed shouted , his anger cooling . He sighed , his anger gone . He walked up to Love , who stood there like a scolded child . He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and brought him to his chest . " I want to hold you after a long day . After a bad fire . I want to kiss you , and love you . But I can 't , Love . You won 't let me . " Reed said , quietly . " I 'm sorry . " Love repeated , just as quietly . Reed sighed and dropped his arms . He began backing towards the door . He threw his hands up . " I . . . " Love didn 't know what else to say . " I 'm sorry . " Reed said the words this time . He opened the door , and left . " He left me . " Love said . " It was for the best , really . He deserved better . He wanted a relationship where he didn 't have to lie everyday . I never resented him for that . " Love said . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The fire was bad . A large apartment building had caught fire and it was coming down fast . Several trucks sat outside the burning building . Hoses were on and they were working out how many people were inside when the Chief began making teams . " Reed , you 're on the axe . Love , crew leader . Ross , go in with them . Thomas and Adams , stay out here on hoses . " The Chief said . Several other crews had teams going in and they made sure they all could communicate with one another . " We don 't have time for this , Reed . " Love said . He turned on his radio , and pulled away from Reed . " Fine , but after . . . " Reed said . " Yeah , okay . " Love nodded . Reed gave him a small smile and the team climbed into the building . " We have a daughter and her dad on the third floor . " Ross said . " It 's on the south side of the building , it 's blocked off by that corner market . We can 't get to it with the ladder . " Love explained . " The stairs are still intact over here , come on . " Love said . Reed followed close behind him and Ross was at the back . They walked down the second floor and past an elevator . The doors were open and suddenly one of the large metal elevators came screaming down . Sparks flew and Love covered his face from the red and orange sparks . Someone was screaming and soon the elevator hit the ground floor , with a large crash that shook the building . The screams stopped . " Come on . " Love said . They continued walking through the hallway , looking for any sign of life in the red and black building . The walls were practically melting under the heat . They found the second set of stairs and began climbing . " There 's a piece of wall or some shit blocking off the top . Get up here , Reed . " Love said . Reed pushed past him on the stairs and began hacking at the object blocking the hall . Finally it collapsed under the force of the axe and the small crew continued . " I can hear them . " Ross said . somewhere on the floor they could barely make out the cries for help . Reed lifted his mask for a second . " Can you hear me ? " He called out , before replacing his mask and taking a few deep breaths . There was no answer besides the cries for help . " They must be farther down the hall . " Love said . " Come on . " They walked carefully over the weak floor and tried to find the source of the cries . The floor creaked and groaned more and more as they walked across the floor . " That 's it , spread out . We need to find them now . " Love said . The three men split up and began searching the hallway . They kicked and hacked down every door until there wasn 't a single room on the floor left unchecked . " What ? They said they were on the third . " " We can hear them . " Reed said . " But we searched everywhere . " " Do you think they 're a floor up ? " Ross asked . They were silent . " They could be below us . " Reed said . " Go , quickly . Now . " The Chief said . The three men turned and walked as fast as they could in the heavy gear . They climbed the crumbling stairs to the fourth , and sure enough , the cries for help were louder here . This time Love lifted his mask . " Get away from the door and cover your eyes ! " Love shouted . He heard a pair of feet scurrying around and waited a second . He felt the door with the back of his hand , and when he was sure it was cool enough , he moved aside for Reed . Reed hacked at the door , that seemed stronger than the others . The floor cracked and fell as the hallway crumbled . Only half of the wood floor was intact now and Reed began hitting the door faster . He was sweating more of the other and the axe looked fairly beat up . Finally , the door gave and he stumbled as the weight of the axe sent him forward . The man was probably in his forties , with a young girl in his hands . He was covered in soot and looked dizzy . Love took a deep breath before taking off his mask . " I 'll get the father , get the girl . " Love said . He put the mask on the older man and let him lean on his shoulders as they walked out of the room . The floor creaked and groaned and they tried to move quickly . Reed carried the girl in his arms and it was obvious she was knocked out . Reed put his own mask over her face and would take turns taking a breath from the fresh oxygen . She curled up into his chest . They moved down the stairs quickly and got down to the last flight of stairs when Reed tripped . He was the last one in the line and cursed as he dropped the girl . " Yeah , go ahead . I 'll get her . " Reed said . He stood up and picked up the girl gently again . Love and Ross turned , Ross helping Love with the weight of the now unconscious man . They made it out the door as the building collapsed , the force of the building coming down sending the flying . Love coughed as smoke , dust , and debris fell over them . " Jesus . . . " Ross coughed . They stood up shakily and the paramedics took the man off their hands . " She 's right there , Reed has - " Love turned to point Reed out and all he saw was the crumbled building . His heart stopped . " No . . . " He whispered . He took a step and stumbled . " No ! " He shouted , louder this time . He scurried over to the rubble and began digging through it with his bare hands . " Gordon ! " The chief shouted . The rest of the crew looked on , shocked . Ross began digging with Love . Loves hands bled as they were cut and burned by sharp debris and hot metal . He tore at the rubble with his hands and suddenly froze . The rest of the crew finally made it over to the building and stopped . Reed 's larger hand had been unburied from the rubble . Love was sitting on the ground , staring at the still and pale hand that was uncovered from the broken building . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ " I 'm sorry , Love . " Garrett said . Love was crying silently . " I cant imagine . . . I 've never lost anyone in a fire . . . " Garrett mumbled . " What happened to the girl ? " Garrett asked . " Why are you so scared of coming out ? " Garrett asked , Love looked up at him confused . " Most people are afraid of disappointing their parents , or losing the people they love . But the guys at the firehouse are pretty easy going . I don 't think they would give you any shit over it . And even if they did , you have me as a friend , and you won 't ever lose me . " Garrett whispered the last part . Love swallowed . " I don 't know . I guess . . . I just . . . I don 't like it when things change . It 's so much easier if they just stay the same . " Love said . " From the box ? " Love raised an eyebrow . Garrett nodded with a smile . " Fuck that . That processed box shit is not cheesecake . Goodnight , Garrett . " Love said . " Garrett . . . " " Please , I know it 's really soon . But I 'm not asking for much , just a date . Let me take you out to dinner . " Garrett asked . " No one will find out . We can go four towns over if you want . " Garrett said . Love hesitated . The thoughts ran through his head . ' I can 't . . . After Reed . . . ' His thought trailed off . ' But I 'm so alone . . . I don 't want to be alone anymore . ' He swallowed . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Love and the others carefully dug through the debris , searching for any embers . Every now and then someone would spray a fire extinguisher , snuffing out any of the red sparks . It was just past midnight and technically Love was off duty , but he had to finish this job before going home . He had his date with Garrett coming up and wanted to make sure he was well rested . ' Since when do I care ? ' He thought . ' It 's just one date . ' He convinced himself . He wasn 't really paying attention and was surprised when a woman walked over to him , helped by a tired looking paramedic . " You 're the one who pulled me out , right ? " She asked . Love finally took a look at the woman he had saved during the fire and nodded . " I just wanted to say thank you . You saved my life . I have two boys and I don 't know what they would do if I . . . If you didn 't . . . Thank you . " She finally said with tears in her eyes . " It 's no problem . I was just doing my job , do your boys a favor and get healed up . " Love smiled at her . She nodded and waved before the paramedic helped her back to the ambulance . " It makes the job worth it , doesn 't it ? " Thomas spoke up . Love looked up and saw most of the crew had been watching . He nodded . " It 's why I got into this job . I wanted to help people . I may not be the biggest or the strongest , but the looks in their eyes when they realize they 're still breathing . . . It gives me all the strength I need . " He said , and continued poking through the bits of fallen building . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Love messed with his hair for the thousandth time . Garrett would be picking him up any minute and his hair looked like shit . He brushed it out again , before trying to put it in a pony tail , and then deciding against it . He glared at his reflection before he just shook his head wildly and let it fall naturally on his shoulders . He looked up , and was finally satisfied . He shrugged before tying his shoes once more . He straightened his black shirt and looked at his teeth when the knock on the door sounded . He breathed deeply before opening the door . " Not so bad yourself , handsome . " Love smiled . " Come on , we have reservations to make . " Garrett said , with a wink . Love buckled himself up in the small car a minute later and waited as Garrett started the engine . " You 're a dork . " Love stared at him . Garrett smiled and reached into the back of his truck . He pulled out a picnic basket and a blanket . " It 's like negative four degrees out here , you know that right ? " Love stared at him , slightly amused . " That 's what the blankets for , dumb shit . " Garrett wrapped an arm around him and pulled him through the sand . Love carried the blanket and they stumbled over hidden sticks and clumps of seaweed . Finally Garrett stopped and Love laid out the blanket . Garrett sat down in the sand and pulled Love down next to him . " But this is better than sitting in some stuff restaurant , right ? " " That 's very true . " Love nodded , breathing in the cold night air . He looked out at the ocean and the moonlight bounced off the waves . " It is beautiful . " Love whispered . " Yeah , it is . " Garrett said in a dreamy voice . Love looked over and saw he wasn 't looking at the ocean , but at him . He took a handful of sand and threw it at Garrett . " Dork . " He said , between their laughs . Garrett opened the basket to reveal four or five frozen pizzas . Love laughed and Garrett took a slice from one . " Dork . " Love threw another handful of sand at him and Garrett chased after him . They wrestled for the slice of pizza like it was life and death , for awhile . Until , the slice went flying and landed face down in the sand . They stared at it silently for a second , Garrett lying on Love who was on his stomach . " Good thing I brought more . " Garrett said . He pushed himself up and ran after the basket full of pizza . Love scrambled to get up as fast as he could . " Men will always be a mystery to me . " Love shook his head . " Ya broke his arm and put him out of the job for a week , and all he gets is ' cool ' . " Love rolled his eyes . " Have fun . " Love stood up and walked past him . " Karma for throwing that pizza slice . " He whispered as he walked by , making Garrett smile . " This movie is shit . " Garrett said , making Love laugh . They sat in the theater watching RENT . They had been dating for over a month now . Garrett somehow managed to convince Love to go out with him at least once or twice every time they had their four days off , and during their four days on he constantly teased him and gave him hints about their next date . " It 's not like that . " Love shoved him playfully . Someone behind them shushed them loudly . They looked back and sank down in their seats , blushing . " Well long - haired - queer is right , short - haired - queer is being a dick . " Garrett laughed . They got into a short fight like they were little boys , shoving and pushing each other playfully . " Shut up ! " The guy shouted . " Wait ! I wanna kick him in the shins ! " He began tripping and running over the movie theater chairs . They began walking down the isle when they saw several employee 's of the theater walking down to meet them . " Oh shit ! Da ' po - po ! " Love laughed . Garrett smiled and began taking off towards the green exit sign at he bottom of the theater . The employee 's chased them as they giggled and ran . The door opened and another employee came through . Garrett changed direction quickly , grabbing Love around his wrist and dragging him towards the real exit to the theater . They laughed as they ran from the employee 's wearing the dumb red vests . Soon , they were cornered and were being forced out of the theater . " Hey ! We 're with the fire department ! You can 't do this to us ! " Garrett shouted , still laughing . The employee 's just rolled their eyes and literally kicked them to the curb . " Rodger and Mark , really ? " He stared up at the employee 's , who rolled their eyes and walked inside . Love and Garrett stared at each other before beginning to laugh so hard they were crying . " That should get us close enough to my house , come on . " They hailed a cab and it dropped them off several blocks from Garrett 's home . They ran through the pouring rain and into his house as fast as they could . They were laughing , and very drunk . " Yeah , we are . " Garrett smiled even wider at him . Love starred up at him before he leaned up and kissed him . Garrett kissed him back and held his face gently with his large hand . Love pulled away and smiled . " Really ? " He said , shocked . He seemed to think to himself for a minute , before pulling away from Love and lying down next to him on the floor . " I can wait . " " Yeah , for you I 'll wait forever if I have to . " He said . Love turned his head and soon Garrett heard him crying besides him . " Love , what 's wrong ? " Garrett asked . " I told you I liked you , maybe I even love you . I don 't know yet , but I know there 's definitely something here . I 'm not going to fuck it up by dumping you because you won 't blow me . " Garrett said . Love looked over at him . " I never said I wouldn 't blow you . " He blushed . It was weird for Garrett , seeing this other side of his coworker and boyfriend . On the job he was so commanding and strong , here he seemed so shy and quiet . " Love , you don 't have to - " Garrett was silenced with a kiss from Love , as he unbuttoned his pants slowly . He moaned as Love fished out his half hard cock . Love slowly slid down his body and sucked the fat cock head into his warm mouth . He sucked on it gently , moaning and looking up at Garrett with lust in his eyes . Garrett looked down at him , mouth open and gasping for breath . " Jesus , Love . . . You look so hot with my cock in your mouth . " He gasped . Love smiled around his cock and sucked more into his mouth . Garrett groaned as Love began deep throating his heavy cock . " Oh god , you 're good at that . " Garrett moaned . Love hummed and moaned around his cock and reached a hand down to play with his balls . Garrett gasped as he felt his balls tighten up . " Love , I 'm gonna cum . I can 't last any longer . " He gasped . Love nodded that it was okay , and hummed once more making his cock vibrate . Garrett cried out as he filled Love 's throat and mouth with cum . He gripped Love 's long hair with one hand and the other grabbed the carpet he was lying on . Love swallowed and let Garrett force his head down on his cock . He liked the feeling of Garrett 's hand in his hair . Finally , Garrett let go . His hand fell to the ground and he was panting softly . Love lifted off his cock and licked it clean , before stuffing it gently back into his underwear and zipping up his pants . " Thank you , you didn 't have to do that . " He said . Love wiped the corner of his mouth and sucked the bit of cum off his finger . " Not for that , I just want to wake up with you in my arms . " It was Garrett 's turn to blush . Love smiled and nodded . Garrett beamed and stood up , albeit with shaky legs , and brought Love to his room . He stripped Love down to his underwear and Love did the same for him . He crawled into bed and patted the space next to him . The image of Love standing at the foot of his bed in only his underwear was one he wouldn 't soon forget . Love crawled up to him from the foot of the bed and curled up with him under the warm covers . " Thank you for staying . " Garrett said . " I guess it does . Though I thought we already were . " " Well damn , now how am I going to get rid of you . " Love joked . Garrett laughed lightly . " I love you . " Garrett said quietly , the endearment slipped out of his mouth . Love was still and quiet . He opened his mouth to speak but didn 't know what to say . " You don 't have to say it back . " Garrett said , before Love had to lie or break his heart . " I just want you to know , that I do . I won 't ever let anything happen to you , Love . I promise . " Garrett said . Love listened to his promise and didn 't know what to say . Without a word , he held onto his hand and cuddled back against his chest . He couldn 't bring himself to say it . He just couldn 't . The office building was small , only two stories . But that didn 't make the fire any less dangerous . The crew pulled up as a man jumped from the second story window of an office . He hit the ground hard and started screaming . " Jesus Christ . " Ross swore . Thomas looked sick . The medics ran to help as a man from a different crew pulled the injured guy away from the building . " All of you , in there . Except you Adams , I need one guy on the hose . " Chief said . They all nodded and ran into the building . The group got smaller and smaller as each of them found someone they had to lead back to the fresh air outside . Soon , it was only Garrett and Love in the small burning office . They heard screams from a woman somewhere on the lower floor and were searching as fast as they could as the building began falling apart around them . " We 'll have to come back to get him . " Garrett said . " But if we don 't make it back in time . . . " Love said . " I can 't find my way out , Love . You need to lead the way . We 'll make it back . " Garrett said . Love turned towards the guy . " I 'm coming right back , I promise . " Love swore to him . He pulled out of the man 's grip and ran ahead of Garrett . He heard the man screaming behind him and it killed him inside , knowing he was leaving someone behind . With the axe in hand he chopped a path through the fallen beams and walls . Finally they could see blue sky and Garrett handed the woman to a medic . " I made a promise , I 'm not going to break it . " Love said . He went back to where the man was screaming and saw he had stopped . He looked down at the man and saw that he was pinned to the floor with a metal desk . The metal had heated and had been burning the leg that was stuck under it . He sat on the floor and cried quietly , nearly unconscious . " Hold on , I 'm going to get you out of here . " Love said . " Pull him out while I lift the desk . " Love said . Garrett nodded . He tried but the desk only groaned . " Shit , you have to do it . " He handed him the axe . He gripped the mans wrists and Garrett wedged the axe between the floor and the metal . He pushed down , lifting the desk with leverage , as Love pulled the man out . His leg was charred down to the bone . Love grabbed him , about to lift him into a fireman 's carry , when Garrett shouted . " Love , watch out ! " He pushed Love away , as a chunk of building fell . It landed right where love was standing , missing the hurt office worker by inches . " Get the fuck out of there you dumb ass mother fuckers ! " The Chief shouted . Love was pale and shaky , but stood again . He lifted the much much larger man into a fireman 's carry and Garrett led him out of the burning building . Love set the injured man down on a gurney next to the ambulance and took off his helmet and his mask . He panted as he went around to the other side of the truck where he was alone . He leaned against the bright red engine and felt his legs shake below him . " Just scared the shit out of me , you know ? " Love said . Garrett nodded . He hugged Love to him tightly . " You scared the shit out of me . Why do you always have to be the god damn hero , Love ? " He asked . " We can take turns . " Garrett smiled . Love laughed and swallowed . His hands were shaking and he was still breathing heavily . He looked like he was about to cry . " You 're not going to end up like Reed did , I promise . " Garrett said . He pulled Love away from him and saw the paths his tears had cleared through the soot and dirt . He kissed his dirty face , trying to make the tears ago away . " You 're okay . " Garrett said . " I meant what I said when I promise I wouldn 't let anything happen to you . " " I know you did . " Love said . " Thank you . " His voice still cracked , but his tears had stopped . Garrett kissed him on the lips once more before he put Love 's helmet back on , and winked at him . Love took a deep breath before returning to work . " I have , once . " Adams said . " About ten years ago , this guy on the crew nearly set the god damn house on fire . " Adams said , waving to the surrounding firehouse . " Chief called him into the office , he came out in tears . No joke , this guy had to be at least 6 ' 4 " and three hundred pounds . " Adams said . " He practically ate nails for breakfast . He was bawling when he came out , the next day he left the crew . Haven 't heard from him since . " Adams shrugged . This didn 't help the feeling of terror running up Love 's spine . ' He knows , oh fuck he knows . ' Love cursed , his hands were shaking . " I 'll tell you , when you move your sorry asses into my office . " The Chief said . They both hesitated . " Fine , you want to do this here ? In front of everyone ? " The Chief crossed his arms . Neither of them moved , they didn 't want to go with the Chief , and they didn 't want to stay there . " No way , if someone makes a complaint about one of our crew members , we 'll show ' em who 's boss . These two work just as hard as anyone else on this crew . They make a complaint about them , they 're complaining about us . " Adams said , crossing his own arms over his chest . " Fine , but remember that you chose this . " The chief said . " In the office fire a few days ago , after you two went back to dig out that guy who was pinned by that desk . " The chief began . " Fuck this , I 'm not doing this . Miss , could you come in here please ? " He shouted down the hall . A woman with blonde shiny hair stepped into the room , looking thoroughly pissed off . " She 's the one registering the complaint . " The Chief explained . " Please tell them what you told me . " The chief waved his hand at Garrett and Love . " After you brought out my husband , that man under the desk , I went to go thank you . I saw you go behind the fire truck so I walked around to tell you how thankful I was . " She said . Love 's blood went cold , he couldn 't breath . Garrett glanced at him . The others in the crew looked confused , they all knew that it was a place used to calm down after a close call , if any of the crew went back there , no one ever asked questions or followed them . Sometimes you just needed a second alone to make sure your heart was beating . " I walked back there , and I saw him , " She pointed to Garrett . " Making out with him . " She pointed to love . " That 's just sick , my children look up to firemen , what if someone had seen that ? How the hell am I supposed to explain that to my son ? " She asked , pissed off . " Is this true ? " The Chief asked . Love couldn 't speak , his chest was tight and he was worried tears were going to fall from his eyes any minute . ' Don 't cry like some little bitch . ' He scolded himself , trying to hold the tears back . He should lie , he wanted to lie . But he couldn 't he saw the look in Garrett 's eyes . The look that said he wanted to say yes , to be out . He wondered if Garrett could see the absolute terror in his . " I asked if it was fucking true ! " The Chief shouted . " Yes . " Love 's voice cracked . All of the crew looked at him , including Garrett . " That will be all , Miss . I 'll see to it that your complaint is taken care of . " He said coldly . The woman walked past Love and Garrett with a scowl . The sound of the door closing echoed in the dead silent room . Love felt like there was a snake wrapped around his chest . This was it , he was going to lose his job , his home , his lover . Everyone sat awkwardly quiet in the room . " In my office . " The Chief said , just as quietly . He turned and walked down the hallway . Love swallowed and stood up from the chair he had been sitting in . Garrett followed him down the hall . They stopped outside the Chief 's closed door . " It 's going to be okay . " He whispered . Love pulled himself together quickly . Garrett gave him a weak and fearful smile before opening the chiefs door . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ " Shut the door . " The Chief said , not looking up from his paperwork . Love shut the door , quietly . " Sit . " The Chief said , and like obedient dogs they both took a seat in the green and brown chairs in front of the desk . The Chief set down his pen and sighed . He reached into his desk and pulled out two files . " Gordon , Love . Been on the crew almost seven years , strong fireman , works well in a team , balls of fucking steel . " He said . " Not a single scratch on the record . " The Chief looked at him . He put it under the other folder and picked that one up . " Morris , Garrett . Been on the crew a few months , was on a previous crew for seven years . Been a fireman for almost eight . Hard worker , dedicated , works well in a team , braver than a bull with fucking shotguns for horns . " The chief glanced up at him . " Again , not a single mark . " He set down the folders . " So please , tell me . Where in the fucking hell did you two get the idea to start banging each other ? " The Chief shouted , breaking his calm and collected attitude . Love flinched in his seat and Garrett looked at the ground . " You 're a fucking legend in this town ! " The Chief screamed at Love . " And you ! You have sure as hell made an impression in the short amount of time you 've been here , fucking A the guys have already warmed up to you ! " The Chief turned towards Garrett . He sat back down and sighed , shutting his eyes for a second . " Two fucking months . " The Chief laughed and whispered the curse . " You 've been here for three ! ! ! " He shouted at Garrett , who winced . The Chief took another deep breath . " Look , Gordon . I know it was hard on you , losing Reed like that . You two were great friends and amazing when you worked together . . . " The Chief began . Love swallowed . " Oh fucking hell . Please don 't tell me that you and he . . . " Love didn 't look up . The Chief threw his hands up in the air , looking lost . he rubbed his temples like he was in pain . " And I hoped to god it wasn 't true . " The Chief mumbled . " You two dumb shits forget to turn your radios off . Your dumb shit crew members out there never listen to the god damn thing once they 're out of the building so I 'm sure I was the only one who heard a thing . " The Chief stared at him . " You 're damn right , you 're sorry . " The Chief swore . " Do you know how much bullshit trouble this is going to cause ? I have no doubt in my mind that that dumb bitch is going to the press about this . " The Chief said . " We have a policy , you can 't date coworkers ! " The chief said . " Though I 'm not exactly sure it applies to members of the same god damn sex . " He sighed again . Suddenly the alarm went off . The Chief stood . " Well you 're not today . " The Chief said . " Get in there . We have a kid somewhere inside . " The Chief said , turning to help the other two men get the hoses out . The house was suburban and somewhat small . Smoke poured from every window and the parents sat near the side , held back by paramedics and police . They stared at the building , the mother silently praying for her son . " Come on . " Adams said in his southern drawl , annoyed . Love grabbed the axe off the truck and followed Ross and Adams inside . The entire house was on fire . Curtains , carpet , ceiling , furniture , everything . They stepped around patches of melting carpet as they looked for the kid . Crying could be heard , but it echoed around the house . Luckily it was only one story and they found him quickly . " Got him . " Adams said . " I 'll lead the way . " Ross said , stepping in front of Adams . Adams followed him closely . Love was about to follow when he heard more crying . " Guys , you can 't leave me in here alone ! " Love shouted . That was their biggest rule . No one is ever in a fire alone . That 's how Reed died , that 's how Love almost died , it was just a rule that would never change . But the two men didn 't listen . They continued walking and Love was torn . His own safety , or the trapped person . It was the center point in his job . But he couldn 't risk it . He took a step towards the door . He saw Ross and Adams disappear through the open front door . Then he saw the roof began to crack and cave , as it collapsed . " Where 's Love ? " Garrett asked . The two shrugged . " You left him in there alone ? ! " Garrett shouted , furious . " He wanted to stay . " Ross shrugged . " You can 't just - " He heard a loud cracking sound , and then the house collapsed . Screams were heard as the house caved in and Garrett froze . Where a house once stood was now only burning rubble , and somewhere under all that rubble was his lover . " Love ! " He shouted . " Shit ! " The Chief cried out . Thomas shut off the hose and all of the men ran over to the collapsed building . " Find him god damn it ! " The Chief shouted at the digging and frantic men . Several cops came over to help and another crew began to dig as well . Garrett moved the fastest of all of them , pulling up splinters of wood and stone . " Wait , stop ! " Thomas shouted . They all froze . It was silent for a second before the men began hearing a weak coughing sound . " Garrett . . . " A weak voice coughed out , a little to the right of where they were digging . Garrett moved and began pushing away large chunks of house . He uncovered a hand , and then an arm , and shoulders , and soon a head . He cleared the area and stood back . A large wooden support beam had landed on Love , on his lower back . He lie there , crushed by the large beam . Garrett looked around for medics and saw that they were all full . The Chief called for another and they said there was one already on the way . " Help me ! " He shouted . The other men snapped out of their trance and the five of them tried to push up the beam . It moved a few inches and Love cried out in pain . Thomas slipped , accidentally kicking Adam 's feet out from under him . They both let go and the added weight made the other three drop it back on Love . He squealed in pain , like a broken dog toy . Blood spurted out of his mouth as he coughed . " I know . I know I did . I said I wouldn 't let anything happen to you , and I broke that promise . I 'm sorry , I 'm so sorry . " Garrett said . " Yeah , I 'll make everything okay , I promise . " Garrett couldn 't stop the tears from falling . He held Love 's hand tightly , Love rested his head on Garrett 's lap . " Good . " He whispered . They sat quietly as the ambulance got closer and closer . Garrett noticed Love beginning to fade in and out . " I know , but you have to . " Garrett said . " I need you awake , who is going to keep me from freaking out ? " Garrett tried the lame joke , and was glad it made Love smile . Though the small smile was coupled with a small trickle of blood leaking from Love 's mouth . " Say what , baby ? " Garrett asked . The ambulance pulled up and he watched them get out a gurney . Thomas finally returned with a chainsaw . He tried to start it and it only gurgled . The medics stood by , waiting for them to pull out Love . " Sorry for what , Love ? Sorry for what ? " Garrett asked , his voice was getting weaker and weaker by the second . The chief took the chainsaw from Thomas and tried to start it himself . " I 'm sorry , only family . " The medic shook his head . Garrett cried and cursed at them , spitting and blindly throwing punches . The Chief held him back as the medics closed the door and drove off . He stared at the back of the ambulance until it was out of sight . His eyes were blank and unseeing , and his heart felt as cold as his gaze . " We need to finish up here , Garrett . Thomas will take you to the hospital , and stay with you . Go . " The Chief said . Garrett hardly heard a word he said and only noticed when they arrived at the hospital . He pushed his way inside , still in his full gear , and Thomas was close behind him . " Love , his name is Love Gordon . He 's part of the Fire Dept . Please , where is he ? Can I see him ? Is he okay ? " Garrett fired out his questions . " They just brought him in a minute ago , let me go check . " She said , walking through some double doors . Garrett stared after her , even though she couldn 't be seen . She came back a minute later . " We don 't know , honey . Why don 't you have a seat . " She said . He nodded and Thomas led him over to a chair . He stared blankly at the wall for over an hour . Suddenly the hospital doors slid open and three men came crashing into the waiting room , all of them dressed in full gear . Garrett turned and saw the Chief run up to the nurse he had spoken with . " Chief . . " His voice cracked . The Chief turned and he turned back to the nurse for a second , saying thank you , before they all three ran towards Garrett . " Shit . Not another man . " The chief swallowed . " How long ago did he go in ? " The Chief asked . Garrett shook his head , it felt like forever to him . " Of course , you look like shit . You 're even paler than Thomas ' ass . " He cracked a smile , and even Thomas chuckled . Garrett didn 't laugh . " We don 't hate you . " Adams said . " Or Gordon . We were just a little shocked was all . " Ross added . Adams and Thomas nodded in agreement . " Just give us a minute to adjust , you know ? " The Chief said . " You gotta remember we 've been showering with you for three months . " " I swear to god , if you checked out my ass even once . " Ross said . " Though it is pretty perfect , isn 't it ? " He pretended to look back at his ass . " We 're a crew , and crew 's stick together until the end . " Ross said . " And even past that . " Adams added . Garrett gave a weak smile and started to cry again . " He was so scared . He didn 't come out all these years because he was scared . Reed left him for that . They had a fight before he died . He never got to say he was sorry . " Garrett whispered . " I hope I get to tell him how sorry I am . " Garrett cried . The crew looked around quietly , before Adams let him cry into his chest . " You tell anyone about this . . . and I will rip you so many new assholes , Gordon won 't know which one to fuck . " Adams said . The crew laughed and so did Garrett , through his tears . Garrett wiped off his face and sat back in his chair . The next few hours were the longest of his life . Sometime after the crew had arrived , three woman did as well , and it took Garrett a moment to remember that Ross , Thomas , and Adams were married . " Hi , Garrett . We 've never met , but my name is Sheila , I 'm Joe 's wife . " She introduced herself . " Thank you , it means a lot to me . But I 'm not really hungry , right now . " Garrett said . The truth was he felt like he was going to throw up . " Okay , but I 'll have it with me so if you get hungry , you just let me know . " She said . Garrett nodded and she patted his cheek before walking over to Ross . " Here . " Adams said . Garrett looked up and saw he was handing him some clothes . " You smell like shit and some of the other people are starting to stare . " He smiled . Garrett looked down and realized he was still in his gear . He took the clothes Adams offered and followed the nurses finger towards the bathroom . He washed the grime off of what he could , using only sink water . After drying himself with his dirty undershirt , he took a long look at himself in the mirror . He looked awkward in Adam 's clothes , but he looked cleaner . He was sure he still smelled pretty bad . This was the first time he had really took notice of what was going on since he came in . It was like he was in a haze . He splashed cool water on his face and took a long drink . He was dehydrated and the cool water hitting his stomach made him realize how starving he really was . He thought he would take Sheila up on that spaghetti once he got back out there . He put his shoes back on and left the bathroom . After he had eaten and asked how long they had been there , it almost made him sick . He had been in the haze for over five hours . He swallowed hard and rubbed his face . He just wanted to know what was going on . Even bad news at this point was better than knowing nothing . Suddenly , the double doors to the operating room opened . A doctor in blue scrubs and a white coat stepped out , discarding his gloves in the trash , he headed over towards the waiting room . " Is anyone here for Love Gordon ? " The doctor asked . The crew and their wives all stood up , bringing the total to eight people . The doctor nodded . " Maybe I should only talk to one of you . " The doctor said . Garrett stepped forward . " He was in really bad shape when he got here , Mr . . . . . " " Just call me Garrett . All I want to know , is if he 's alive . " Garrett said . The doctor stared at him a second , and Garrett 's blood stopped flowing . The doctor nodded . He exhaled heavily and was out of breath . He didn 't realize he had been holding it for so long . " We did all we could for him , but that wasn 't a whole lot . He had severe damage to his back and spine . " The doctor said . " Well , when that support beam fell . It crushed his lower back . Another piece of debris must have landed up higher , because he had damage higher up on his back as well . " The doctor said . " Honestly , we don 't know . We repaired it as best as we could , but there 's honestly no telling . " Garrett scratched his head and turned towards the front desk before turning back . " When the beam landed on him , it broke a few of his lower ribs . They shattered and sent bone debris into his abdomen . He had some pretty bad internal bleeding and a rupture in his small intestine , but we managed to close it before it got any worse . He also hit his head pretty hard . We did a CT scan and it showed a minor bleed and it doesn 't look like there will be any permanent damage to his brain though , so he got lucky there . " The doctor said . " So basically , everything we do know , is pretty good news . Everything we don 't , is a fifty fifty chance . " The doctor shrugged . " I 'm sorry I can 't give you anything more . " " Thank you , doctor . Can I see him ? " Garrett asked . " Only for a second , he really needs his rest right now . " The doctor said . Garrett followed him behind the double doors and into a small room . Love sat in the middle of a hospital bed . Different machines and tubes were attached to his body . The doctor began checking a machine and Garrett walked over to his boyfriend . He looked so frail . " You can touch him . Just be gentle . " The doctor said . Garrett looked up at him , before gently reaching out and running his hands across Love 's hand . He wrapped his own hand in his boyfriends and squeezed it gently . " You 're going to be okay , I promise . And i mean it this time . I 'll keep my promise , I swear . " Garrett said . He bent over and gently kissed Love 's forehead . The doctor was waiting for him at the door and Garrett let go of Love 's hand , and walked out the door . After explaining to the rest of the crew how Love was doing , they all decided it was time Garrett went home and got some rest . After dragging him into his own apartment , the crew said goodnight and told him to get some sleep . Garrett stared up at the ceiling thinking of Love trapped in the cold and dark hospital room . He wanted more than anything to help him . To make his hurt go away . The doctor had told him he hoped he would wake up tomorrow . He would be drugged , but conscious . He set his alarm for an hour before visiting hours started at the hospital , and closed his eyes . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ He had had nightmares all night . About that horrible crunch the building made as it collapsed . Or how his lover spat up his own blood after the wooden beam was dropped on him the second time . Or how small he looked in that hospital bed . He kept waking up in the middle of the night , terrified . He would call out Love 's name and then remember he wasn 't there . He arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes before visiting hours started and found that Adams and Ross were there as well . " He 's our friend as much as he is your boyfriend . Plus . . . It was our fault he was alone in there . " Ross said . Adams nodded . " What ? You left him in there alone ? ! " Garrett looked up at his crew members , horrified at what they had done to the man he loved . " Love was right , about you guys . . . " Garrett said , bitterly . The two men looked hurt . " Sorry isn 't going to make him be able to walk . It should be the two of you covered in tubes and beaten , not Love . Go to hell , the both of you . " Garrett scowled at the floor . " I 'm going to go see if he 's awake . " Garrett said . He walked over to the front desk and came back a short time later . " She said he is , but only one visitor at a time . I 'll go first , even though if it was up to me , neither of you would get within twenty feet of him . " Garrett growled , but he was to tire to fight with them . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ He stepped into the hospital room and was met with the pale and fragile looking sight of Love in the hospital bed again . He stood still for a moment , his eyes were closed . Maybe he had fallen back asleep . " Hey , baby . " He smiled , still standing in the doorway . Love seemed to have a small smile cross his face , though there was a tube down his throat . " How are you feeling ? " Garrett asked . Love reached for a notepad by his side . He scribbled something down and held it up . Garrett stepped closer to read it . " Yeah , sorry . I guess I " m just a little afraid of hurting you . " Garrett blushed . He stepped up to the bed and sat down . " Are you in any pain ? " Garrett asked . Love shook his head slightly . " Don 't you dare lie to me . " Garrett said . Love hesitated before scribbling something down . " No I 'm not . God I was so scared , Love . " He broke down and started crying . " The building came down , and I didn 't see you anywhere . And then , with that beam crushing you . . . God , I was so scared . " Garrett cried . Love reached up a hand with an I . V . line in it and stroked his hair . He pulled his hand away and wrote something down . " I think you look beautiful . Maybe because I thought I would never see you again . Never see those beautiful green eyes , " Garrett brushed a hand across his cheek , which was scrapped up pretty bad . Love leaned his head into it , craving Garrett 's touch . " Did . . . Did they tell you how you 're doing ? " Garrett asked . ' What if I can 't walk ? What if I can 't be a firefighter anymore ? What if I can 't go to the firehouse and see the guys , and help people , and save lives , and what if I can 't be with you ? ' He wrote . " You 'll always be with me . " Garrett said . " Don 't you ever think that anything can change that . " He said . " I don 't care if you 're blind , deaf , mute , and paralyzed from the neck down . I 'll always love you . " Garrett said . He stood up and kissed his forehead . ' I love you , too . ' Love scribbled down . Garrett smiled . " Those words will be so much sweeter when they come out of your mouth . " Garrett beamed . Love gave a small smile around the tube down his throat . ' Yes , but the doctor said that doesn 't mean anything . He said it 's possible for me to still be paralyzed , but be able to feel . " Love wrote . ' He said - ' He got through the first two words in the sentence before stopping . " You 'll be fine . I 'm sure of it . Don 't worry about any of that bullshit . " Garrett said , though he was worried just as much as Love . " No , baby . They 're here . They stayed here with me almost all night . They sat next to me and brought me food and clothes . I was a wreck . They had to drag me home and force me to get some sleep , but it was impossible without you . " Garrett said . Love wrote something down . " Let me go see if I can talk the nurse into letting all three of us in here . The Chief called this morning and said that he and Thomas were coming down later . " Garrett said . He stood up and left the room for a minute , returning with Ross and Adams . ' That counts , as soon as I 'm out of this bed I 'm beating you with a frying pan . ' He scribbled , his face still calm and somewhat foggy from the pain medication . The three men laughed . ' Good , I 'm planning a vacation to Hawaii . ' He wrote . " We 're sorry , about what happened back at the house . " Adams said . Love picked up his pen . " We 're you 're friends , Gordon . Your crew members . We were acting stupid back there and it 's our fault you got hurt . " Ross said . ' You just found out that the guy you 've known for seven years isn 't who he said he was . I would be pissed , too . ' Love said . Adams smiled , and so did Ross . " Thank you , so much for this guys . " Garrett stood in his living room , filled with half of his stuff , and half of Love 's . Love told the men that he would forgive them if they helped move his stuff into Garrett 's apartment . It was nicer and a little bigger . Big enough for both of them . Garrett was more than happy with his request , and Adams and Ross were happy to help . " Come on , we need to get to the hospital . They 're taking out that god damn plastic pipe down his throat , and they 're going to see if he 's going to be able to walk . " Garrett said . The three men rushed to the hospital and found that their wives , the Chief , and Thomas were already there . " Sorry , we just finished moving all of Gordon 's crap . " Adams said . " That man has a porn collection that all of us shall envy . " He said , his wife slapping him on the arm . " Whatever , he 'll need the porn to get the images of your limp dick out of his mind . " Ross shoved Garrett playfully . The men laughed and the doctor came up . " Yeah , that was the problem . We were loving him a bit to hard , that 's why he 's here . " Adams smiled , Garrett shoved him . " How about Garrett comes with me and the rest of you wait here . If . . . If things don 't go well , it could be hard on him . " The doctor said . " Can we be there when you take out his breathing tube ? " Ross asked . " Then we 'll leave . " ' What the fuck , a guy comes out of the closet and all I get is a fire and a 100 pound beam on my back . Guy gets a tube removed from his throat and the fucking President of the U . S will show up . ' Love wrote down , making the group laugh . " Okay , Love . We 're going to take out the tube , when you feel the tickle in the back of your throat , cough . " The doctor said . " Got it ? " ' After I beat Adams with the frying pan , you 're next . ' He wrote . The doctor looked confused but the rest of the crew laughed . The doctor shrugged and removed the tape holding the tube in place . " You big baby . You had no problem taking my tube down your gullet after our movie date . " Garrett winked . Love glared at him , before throwing his notepad at his chest . Garrett tried to dodge it and it hit his face instead . " Ow . . . " He closed the eye the notepad poked . " Come on , Gordon . Let 's hear those words out of that pretty mouth of yours . " The chief asked . Love cleared his throat roughly and put a hand to his throat like it hurt to talk . " I love you , too . " He said . His voice was gravely , and his lips cracked . But those words were the most beautiful thing Garrett had ever heard . " Well , Thomas does . I have a cool hundred that says you implode as soon as you start walking . " Ross said . " Fuck you , Ross . Get outta here . " Love smiled as his friends retreated to the waiting room . The door shut and his smiled began to fade as he looked up at Garrett . " Do you think I 'm going to be okay ? " Love asked . " Alright , Love . " The doctor started . " I 'm going to push your leg up , see if you can try and push it back down . The doctor put a hand against Love 's right foot and pushed , just until his knee was a little bent . Love concentrated a second , and then sighed . " It 's good news . He does have some motor function left and that 's promising . The rest will be up to physical therapy . He 'll have to learn how to walk again and we still don 't really know how much he 'll be able to do . He could regain all of his movement back , or he may need a wheelchair for the rest of his life . " The doctor said . Love looked like he was in a trance . " This is good news , Love . He said you have a chance . That 's better than nothing . You 're strong , I know you can do this . " Garrett said . Love whispered something he couldn 't hear . " What ? " " I 'll always be there . " Garrett kissed his head . " You look exhausted . Get some sleep , I 'll be here when you wake up . " Garrett said . Love nodded . " You 'll still love me if I can 't walk , right ? " Love asked , his voice cracking at the end . Tears started to fall down his face . Garrett 's face went serious . " Love , of course I 'll love you . We talked about this before , nothing 's going to change that . " Garrett crouched down by his bed . " You 're mine , you 're not getting rid of me . " Garrett smiled . Love laughed and nodded . " Alright , I need to get back to the station , but he 's in my thoughts . " The Chief said . Adams and Ross said the same . " See you , Garrett . " Thomas waved , and he was alone . He bought a bottled water from the vending machine and began chugging it . He hadn 't realize how dehydrated he was . He wasn 't paying attention and found himself staring at a woman in a wheelchair . He stared at her for a long time , the thoughts turning in his head . ' What if he can 't walk ? I would never leave him , but . . . My apartment doesn 't have wheelchair access so we would have to move . He couldn 't work on the crew anymore . He would be so sad . . . ' Garrett thought to himself . " Oh , my god . I 'm so sorry . I was just thinking and . . . Christ . " He put a hand over his face . " I wasn 't staring at you , I mean I was , but not like that . " Garrett fumbled over his words . " Garrett . " The doctor called out . He walked up to Garrett and thankfully interrupted the awkward conversation . " I just wanted to let you know , that in my personal opinion I think he 's going to be fine . He 's strong willed and made it this far . I don 't think he 's going to give up now . Physical Therapy will be hard , but as long as he has you by his side I think he 'll be fine . " The doctor said . " Good man . " She smiled . " But besides that , he 's going to need a lot of help . " She said . Garrett looked confused . " It 's harder than anyone can know to be told you 'll never walk again . You feel like your life is over . It 's not going to be easy for either of you . I almost drove my husband up the wall . " She smiled and laughed , rolling off down the hallway . Garrett looked after her . " But you 'll be okay . I can see that you love him , and I 'm sure if I looked into his eyes , I would see the same love . You should tell him that you love him . " She said , disappearing around a corner . Garrett stood up and walked into Love 's room , his eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply . " No , it was something else , but never mind . I 'll let you sleep . " Garrett waved and walked out the door when Love called him back . " What did you want to say ? " Love asked . Garrett stepped into the room and looked at the ground , playing with his feet . He looked like a nervous schoolboy . " Yeah , and Long - haired - queer was yelling at short - haired - queer because he was sad that he didn 't have AIDS . " " Neither Rodger or Mark are gay so I don 't know where you got this long haired short haired queer shit . But yes , go on . " Love laughed . " Well , I said I agreed with long - haired - queer . " Garrett said . " But now I understand what short - haired - queer was saying . " " What ? " " When that building collapsed . I thought I lost you . I thought I was alone . " He looked up from the ground at Love with tear filled eyes . " I thought I was going to have to stand by and watch the person I love die . " He sobbed . " Please , don 't leave me alone . " Garrett said . Love looked surprised . " Come here . " Love held out a weak hand . Garrett crossed the room in a second and held it , crying into his palm . " I wont leave you alone . " Love whispered . " I promise . " " I thought you were dead . I thought you were dead and that you were never coming back . I thought my world had died under that house . " Garrett sobbed , hysterical . " Shh , I 'm here . I 'm still here , Garrett . " Love shushed him gently , stroking his hair with his other hand . Garrett laughed and wiped away his tears with Love 's hand . " I love you too . " Love smiled . " And now we both have promises to keep . You can 't ever let anything happen to me , and I can 't ever leave you alone . " Love said , holding his hand tightly . Garrett nodded . " Good , I guess . They 're just trying to get some strength back in my back before we start working on walking again . " Love said . " I can almost sit up on my own . " Love said . " It 's a really slow process , but I 'm getting there . " Love said . " My head hurts all the time though . So does my back . I 'm constantly drugged up . I think I 've been hearing colors ever since I got out of surgery . " Love smiled . " Hey , Gordon . I just wanted you to know that I 'm sorry . " The Chief said suddenly . " I haven 't said it yet but I should have sooner . " He continued . " This is SO , not okay . " Love grumbled . " Come on , I like it . Makes it feel like we got married . " Garrett winked at him . Love rolled his eyes . " Dork . " He mumbled . Garrett set him down on their bed and Love smiled up at him . " It feels good to live here now . It always felt more like home than mine did . " Love said . " Dork . " Love repeated . " Take a nap with me ? " Love asked . He was sleeping a lot more than usual as his body tried to heal itself . The few burns on his back were nearly completely gone now , and only pink scars remained . His spine itself had healed up decently , though he had to retrain all of his muscles to work the right way . It was a long process , one that left him tired most of the day . " I haven 't gotten to see you since the house collapsed , it 's been killing me . " Garrett stripped off his pants and threw both pairs to the floor next to their shirts . He crawled in bed and covered them both with the blanket . He spooned up behind Love and felt up and down his spine , fingers running over the strange bump that would always be there . " Come on , sweetheart . You can do it . " Garrett held out his hands as Love struggled the very short distance to him . He was sweating heavily and his face was red . He stumbled and Garrett stepped forward and caught him , knowing that he couldn 't hold himself up with his arms yet . " No , I can 't . " Love said , louder . " It 's not going to work , I can 't walk . Just drop it . " Love said . " You 're right , I don 't . " Garrett shouted just as loudly . He picked Love up and set him back on his feet . Love wobbled unsteadily and gripped the parallel bars for dear life , all while glaring at him . " So get your ass over here and beat the crap out of me , show me how hard it is . " Garrett said to him . Love glared at him . " Well , if you 're not even going to try . " Garrett laughed . " I 'm not going to be with some pathetic loser who just says ' I can 't ' and stands there crying . " Garrett said . " No , you 're being a useless sack of shit . Stop wasting space and get over here . " Garrett said coldly . Love stared at him , lip quivering before he set his jaw and took a weak step . He stumbled and fell . " Again . " Garrett pulled him to his feet and stepped back to his position . Love cried harder as he tried again . He stumbled through four steps before falling . He cried harder . His arms shook as they held him up on the twin bars and he struggled to move forward . " Again . " Garrett pulled him to his feet once more . Love sobbed as he took a few steps . He wobbled uneasily on his feet and took another , and another . He fell again , into Garrett 's arms . He cried and gripped Garrett 's shoulders for dear life . His breath came in shaking sobs . " I told you , you could do it . " Garrett whispered in his ear . Love nodded through his tears . He glanced at the physical therapist who was standing by , and she nodded . " Come on , lets go home . " Garrett kissed his forehead and picked him up . He carried him gently to the wheelchair and set him down , before rolling out of the hospital . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ After setting him in bed , Garrett went to fix dinner . He came back to the room and found Love still awake . He was usually asleep by now , and would eat his dinner later . " Still awake ? " Garrett asked . He hoped the things he had said to him weren 't bothering him . It pained him to say such cruel things but he knew that 's what Love needed . Love nodded silently . " What 's wrong ? " Garrett asked , sitting by the bed . " If it was about what I said , I hope you know I wouldn 't leave you . You just need a good kick in the ass sometimes . " Garrett brushed his hair aside . " Roll over , I have a present for you . " Garrett said . Love looked up at him , confused . After Garrett helped him roll onto his stomach , he left the room for a second . Love sat there with his arms wrapped around a pillow , and his bare back exposed to the cool air . Garrett returned and sat down on the bed again . " I was going to save this , as a surprise for when you could walk . At least with a cane . But I think you need it more , now . " Garrett smiled , kissing his neck . Love suddenly felt something warm and wet sliding down his back . He smelled a sweet hint of vanilla and almond . " I 've been taking classes , at the hospital . While you were in therapy or sleeping . " Garrett explained . " I needed something to do with my time . I found out the hospital gives this massage therapy class . For people to take when their loved ones get into an accident and need it . " Garrett put his warm hands onto Love 's back , rubbing in the warm oil . Love moaned and sunk into the bed . " After that night a few weeks ago when I started rubbing your back when we took a nap together . " Garrett explained . " I didn 't realize how much pain you 're always in . Maybe this will help with that . " He whispered softly in his ear . Love moaned again and rested his head on his pillow . Garrett ran his large hands up his back , one hand on each side of his spine . Love 's back cracked and he sighed . " You could stand to mention it more . " He laughed . Love chuckled and then hissed as his back popped again . " Did that hurt ? " Garrett asked . " Yes , but in a good way . " Love said . Garrett continued to give him the helpful massage when he suddenly stopped . Love whined in protest . " Whyyyyyy ? " He drew out the word in a high voice . " Just hold on , I 'm coming back . " Garrett said . He shut off the lights and Love heard the flick of a lighter before the room was illuminated with several vanilla scented candles . " You DO pay attention . " Love raised an eyebrow . Garrett climbed back on the bed and resumed the massage . Love sighed and relaxed into the bed again . " Garrett ? " Love whispered . " I want you to make love to me now . " Love said . Garrett stopped . " Are you sure ? " He asked . Love nodded . " But , you 've only ever been with Reed . " Garrett said . " I know , " Love paused . " But . . . I think he would want me to move on . There 's always going to be a special spot for him , in my heart . " Love said . " You won 't . I talked to the doc . . . " He blushed . " He said it 's fine , as long as I don 't have to support myself , I can lie on my stomach . " He blushed harder . " Yeah , I want to . " He turned his head to the left and kissed Garrett warmly . Garrett smiled into the kiss and began kissing a trail down his neck . " I want to be facing you , but I know I can 't . " Love said . Garrett nuzzled the back of his neck . With more oil in his hands , he moved lower to Love 's firm ass . He massaged the firm cheeks , making Love groan with pleasure . He parted the globes and , for the first time , saw Love 's tight rosebud . He licked his lips and smiled . Love gasped when Garrett dived down and began licking at the tiny hole . He sucked and nibbled at the ring , before sticking the tip of his tongue inside Love 's tight ass . " Oh god , Garrett . " Love moaned . " I want you so bad . " Garrett moved back up his body and whispered in Love 's ear . He took an oiled up finger and slid it between Love 's cheeks , teasing his tight hole . " Please . . . " Love begged . Garrett pushed his finger in all the way and Love cried out . " Oh god ! " He pushed his ass back against Garrett . He began rubbing his hard cock against the silk sheet 's under him , needing release . Garrett reached between his legs and began jacking the firm cock waiting for him . " Your cock is beautiful . " Garrett whispered to Love . Love bit his lip as Garrett finger fucked him and jacked him off , all while nibbling at his shoulders . " Garrett . . . " Love was panting heavily . " I can 't last much longer . I need you in me . " Love begged . Garrett kissed his neck once more before pulling away to line up his cock with Love 's tight tunnel . Love panted as Garrett began pushing into his tight hole . He moaned as Garrett 's head suddenly popped into his hole . He gasped and groaned as Garrett quickly filled him , his oiled cock sinking in to the hilt . " Yes . . . " Garrett hissed in his ear . " You 're so tight , Love . " He whispered . Love didn 't know whether it was his name or an endearment . He thought it was both . " You bet , baby . " Garrett bit his shoulder . Love moaned and whimpered as Garrett began fucking his tight hole . Garrett ground his hips against Love 's tight ass and stirred another moan from his smaller lover . " Me too , baby . Just hold on . Cum with me . " Garrett whispered . Love writhed on the bed in pure pleasure and tried to hold back his orgasm . Garrett pumped into his ass harder and faster , bringing them both to their climax . Love cried out as he sprayed his release on the bed below him , and Garrett roared as he filled Love 's ass with warm cum . He collapsed to the side of Love and smiled . " No clue . But I 'm sort of glad we did . It made it more special . " Garrett climbed back under the covers and cuddled up with Love . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Love walked into the station , only to be met with confetti and streamers . Adams and Thomas blew party favors and they all cheered and clapped . A large poster with the words ' Welcome back Gordon ! ' hung from one wall of the kitchen . Love smiled . After a year of physical therapy , he had finally learned how to walk again . He spent another month making sure he was back in shape . He had lost a lot of muscle tone he had previously had and worked hard to get it back . He was weaker than when he started , but was working his way back . The doctor had said he could return to work . He was able to man the hoses , but not strong enough yet to carry people out of the burning buildings . It made him sad , that was where he belonged , and he hated to leave Garrett in there without him . But he was just glad to be back . Garrett walked up to him , tossing a green streamer in his face . Love pushed it away and kissed Garrett . " That makes us kind of unlucky , chief . " Ross said , as Love and Garrett made out , with extra tongue , just for his pleasure . " You two are nasty . " Adams laughed and threw more confetti on them . Garrett pulled away and smiled . He put his arm around Love and led him over to the table . He sat down , taking the chair Love was about to . The rest of the guys sat down , not leaving a chair for Love . " Steak , steak , steak , steak , steak ! " They all began banging their forks and knives on the table . Chanting their dinner order at their returned crew member . scotrik1April 6 , 2012 at 10 : 03 AMGreat story ! You know how we love men in uniform ! ; ) ReplyDeletekeller gwynOctober 13 , 2013 at 1 : 29 AMI laughed , I cried , I loved this story ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ReplyDeletejasper coulterJuly 3 , 2015 at 9 : 06 PMJust curious . A lot of your stories have a mention of foster ( which my phone changed to fisted ) care , were you ever in the system ? ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . |
This is a blog of our family stories . A few , with the help of our cousin , Ruth , will be about our great grandparents who immigrated here from Sweden . Many will be from our mother , Maxine , who was a wonderful story teller . The rest will be of our own family and friends . We hope others will share their own family stories . Ah . . . the last day of the challenge ! I wonder how many others will write about this . . . or at least think it ? I must admit . . . when I began this challenge I was not sure how stressed I would be . . . and being truthful . . . I did have a few tense days . . . . wondering what to write . . . or searching for a picture . Yes , I 'm glad Cathy ' encouraged ' to take the plunge . . . and no , Cathy , I did not curse your name . . . ever . I plan to continue writing this blog weekly and join the weekly group if that is possible . I think that Ruth and Stacey have done an amazing feat in getting so many people blogging and commenting on other blogs . . . and doing this everyday for a whole month . . . and not a short month like February . . . but a month with 31 days in it . So , it is Easter Day . . . a day of renewal . . . of new beginnings . . . and yet this is the last day of the Challenge . . . . but I intend to make it the beginning of scheduling a blog a week . I had begun this blog to tell family stories . . . . and encouraged family members to write their stories as well . Last spring , our family began a long and sad journey when my sister 's husband , Geoff , was diagnosed with cancer , spending two long periods in the hospital . . . 30 days the first time . . . and over 70 days the last time . . . and died in November . Geoff My sister amazed me at her determination to be by his side at all times . . . to be his advocate as well as his wife . I have always admired my sister 's strength , intelligence , humor , sensitivity . . . but mostly her love of family . . . and after spending those months together with her I know how fortunte I am to be her sister . I did not write any posts for the blog from April until March 1st . Feeling were too raw . But writing that first post kicked me back into action . My mourning continued , but knowing Geoff 's sense of humor , I know he would have appreciated some of the Maxine stories as he would encourage Maxine to tell her stories . So each day my writing became less of a task and more of an adventure . I thank those who have read this blog and I hope you continue to do so . I will post it on Facebook for those of you not in the Slice of Life . It has meant a lot to read your comments and to realize that some of you actually looked forward to another story . There are still many Maxine and Rae stories to tell . . . and of course , a sprinkling of others . Seems a lot enjoyed the story Water Fall with Rae and me trying to move a waterbed . Of course , I thank my mother , Maxine , who remains with us in spirit and who was my inspiration to begin this blog . . . to tell her stories . . . like how she and my father met . . . that will take a number of posts though . I want to also thank Rae . . . for being a good sport and letting me tell stories about her . Those of you who know her know what a super person she is . . . and wait until you hear the story of wall papering her bathroom . . . . But that will be later post . And , yes , I thank my husband Ray . Ray has watched me stress . . . has been the tech support for me , solving all my computer problems . . . encouraged me to take the challenge . . . searched for pictures I could not find . . . . helped me title the posts and proof read the posts before I clicked on ' publish ' and . . . well , many more ways to support this endeavor . Ray and Rae on Pirate Ship in Clearwater Beach I love doing this . . . . love the opportunity . . . love those who read my posts . . . . and those who comment which lets me know there are people out there reading . Have I said ' love ' too many times ? I can 't help it . . . it is just how I feel right now . . . so I think I will listen to LOVE by the Beatles ! The idea of today 's post comes to me as I look out the kitchen window to our back yard and see this ugly rusted bucket resting upside down between our garage and one of the big maple trees . From the picture you can see that it would not be a chosen yard ornament for most . . . . well really all . . . people . But there it is . . . and there it will stay . I lived in Columbus . . . Ray lived in Toledo . He would come visit me on the weekends . Since my mother , Maxine , lived with me it made it easier to have him visit since I did not want Maxine staying alone . Anyway . . . there came a time that I needed to visit Ray . . . and so arranged for some friends , to come stay with Maxine . Before my trip to Toledo Ray seemed hesitant to tell me something . . . . something I should know . . . . that if I really did not like it he would remove it . . . . What could it be ? When I arrived at his house I saw it . . . the ugly rusted bucket . I knew that is what he meant . " When I moved here ten years ago , the bucket got tossed there . I left it temporarily . . . well it sat there all winter . When spring came I decided to move it . . . and when I lifted it here is what I found . " He lifted the bucket . Hundreds of ants went into emergency mode . . . rushing in chaotic patterns , workers carrying their eggs to tunnels of safety . He quickly replaced the bucket . " Ray , this is one more reason of the millions of reasons that I love you . " And so . . . the bucket remains . . . . I have looked into getting some kind of dome for it . . . but have not found one large enough . I don 't know if he knew that I find ants fascinating . I am reminded of a biography of Albert Schweitzer I read when I was in the third grade . . . . one of those blue ( Ray said his were reddish orange ) covered books . . . a whole series of biographies that kept me busy . . . but my favorite one was of Albert Schweitzer . . . where he said that even the ants have a right to walk upon this earth . There was more to it . . . but that stuck with me . I had told my friend , Cathy , ( the one who got me into the Slice of Life Challenge ) that I planned to write about another obsession I almost had . I think it was replaced with the Where 's George obsession . . . but I intend to get involved again . It is called Letterboxing . I read a post yesterday about Geocaching . . . and these two are similar ( in fact , I think I want to try that too ! ) . . . but they are different . Geocaching is more high tech where Letterboxing reminds me of playing pirates in search of a treasure . ( Maybe that 's why getting married on Talk Like a Pirate Day was so appealing to me . ) " Letterboxing is an intriguing pastime combining artistic ability with " treasure - hunts " in parks , forests , and cities around the world . Participants seek out hidden letterboxes by cracking codes and following clues . The prize : an image from a miniature piece of art known as a rubber stamp - usually a unique , hand - carved creation . I am including videos of two times the I recorded the find ! One Letterbox was found at Swan Creek Park in Toledo , OH where I seemed more concerned about moving a spider . My husband , Ray came with me for this find . We follow clues . . . like a treasure map . . . and hopefully find a box with a logbook and stamp in it . This one was not a box but a strong plastic bag . Sorry . . . the videos don 't work on my iPad or iPhone . ( Darn Apple not allowing Flash Player ! ) The other box was found at Camel Rock just north of Santa Fe , NM . My friend , Stephanie was with me . We did not have a stamp ( which you need to stamp the logbook ) and we were on our way to pick up a friend in Santa Fe . . . so we bought a stamp there , returned and made sure we left our mark . It is a silly video that gets shaky sometimes . . . but that must be from the excitement felt by Stephanie and me . After we picked up Belinda , we returned to Camel Rock to put our stamp in the logbook . This was Belinda 's first experience with Letterboxing . So . . . now that it is spring and the days are getting warmer . . . . I see some Letterboxing travels in the future . . . . and maybe some Geocaching too . Maybe , when we travel to the United Kingdom this fall , we can go to Dartmoor , England to where James Perrot left his first message in a bottle . My mother , Maxine , loved fashion and design . I have noticed that many people my age . . . whose mothers were or are part of what Tom Brokow named the Greatest Generation . . . . many of those women were great seamstresses , often making their own patterns . Three years ago my mother died at the age of 90 . Part of my reason for having this blog is to carry on her stories . Here are a few pictures from a book of fashions that my mother drew when she was young . These are kind of light , but you can get the idea . I am not sure if this is the wedding dress she had planned to make . She ordered a parachute from the U . S . Army with the intention of using the silk for the dress . When she got the parachute she found it was sewn in panels too small to make the pattern she wanted to make . . . and ' U . S . Army ' was printed all over it . If my father looks warm . . . it was 107 degrees the day they got married . They had to snuff out the candles because they were melting . . . looking more like canes . How many of you have a friend whose relationship with you is much like Lucy and Ethel . . . or Laverne and Shirley ? My friend , Rae , Sew What - A Tale of Tape and I have such a friendship . Rae lives at Buckeye Lake part of the year and in Clearwater Beach , FL most of the year . This incident happened many years ago when she FIRST moved to Buckeye Lake . Rae informed me that she had bought a new bed and needed help emptying the water from her waterbed that was on the second floor of her cottage . It was a spring day . . . kind of like what we are having in Ohio right now . . . reluctant to arrive and cold and windy . . . but sunny . Of course , I was glad to help . How difficult would that be . . . . attach a hose to the waterbed and drain the water out of the window . The first obstacle was the window . . . . it was painted shut . So we had to find a longer hose that would reach the only window that we could open . . . which was down the hall and through the other bedroom . While I was searching the shed for a longer hose , Rae was searching for the attachment for the hose to hook on to the waterbed . The only hose I could find was curled up in the corner looking as if it had not been used in years . It had to be 100 feet . . . two hoses rusted together . I couldn 't budge the connection so I dragged it into the cottage . . . grumbling about how anyone could leave a hose together . . . growl , growl , growl . . . I guess I should have been glad that the previous owner had left it . I was really impressed that Rae had found the attachment . . . things were looking good . . . so what if the hose was too long . We got it attached and poked it out the window . Of course , we had to put plastic garbage bags on the floor because the hose was so dirty from spending its time in the shed . What do we do next ? The water wasn 't moving ? " Did you have a pump come with the water bed ? " I knew the answer before I asked . . . and the look on her face reinforced that . If there was a pump . . . she had no idea where it was . " One of us could suck the end of the hose and get it started , " was Rae 's suggestion . But before she volunteered me to do that she realized that the hose was not air tight . Oh no ! ! It must be leaking ! We rushed to the waterbed and found that the hose was leaking in a number of places . Black oily water was dripping onto the plastic bags and rolling onto the carpet . Colorful words sprang from Rae 's mouth . . . . well , mine too . Franticly , we unscrewed the hose . . . slopping more water onto the floor , but at least stopped the flow . Turned out , the hose was so old it had rotted out . We needed to get it out of the window before it leaked anymore goo . It is really difficult to maneuver such a long hose after it had spent years wound up . . . but I did manage to throw it out the window . Rae had put the cap back on the bed . What to do next ? I hate to admit this . . . but the next idea was mine . There was that nagging thought . . . . attempting to get through . . . but I discarded it . Time was running short . . . her new bed was being delivered soon . . . and we had to drain the waterbed . " Why don 't we just roll the bladder down the stairs ? " I said . " We could then roll it out of the living room into the kitchen and out the back door . " I don 't know why Rae did not question that idea . . . . but at the time we both wondered . . . Wow ! how come we had not thought of that in the first place ! The stairs were the divided kind . . . . go down about eight steps with a wrought iron railing . . . a small landing . . . turn and then about four steps that opened into the living room . We even thought about moving some of the furniture so that we would be able to roll the bladder easier . It was with much sweat and more colorful words that we got the bladder out of the bed . We were both a lot younger and stronger then . We got on one side and rolled it just enough to step inside the bed and kept rolling the bladder with our legs and arms . Finally it landed on the floor . The rest was easy . . . well , squeezing it through the door took some effort , but we just kept kicking it through . I went to the landing on the stairs to help " guide ' the bladder down the steps . Rae was at the top and gave it one last shove . This once slow moving bladder , with a burst of energy found the shortest distance to the floor of the living room . ( Suddenly I remembered the theory of gravity . . . or is it law of gravity ! ) The mattress pushed me into the corner of the landing , rolled over the railing , breaking it from the wall . . . . bounced on the chair . . . and knocked over the lamp . ( one of Rae 's favorites . . . . specially crafted from Utah with ancient petroglyphs on it ) . . . breaking lamp . . . cutting into the bladder and creating small geysers with one big ' Old Faithful ' spouting and spraying water all over the living room . It 's one of those times that happen so fast there is no time to react to the danger until afterward . Even though the bladder was quickly losing water it was still too heavy to drag into the kitchen . More colorful language . . . and then my urge to laugh . . . knowing it was not the right time . . . but it came . Rae saw no humor . We continued working . . . me giggling and Rae growling . . . rolling the edges of the bladder and finally dragged it through the door and out the kitchen to the back yard . The rest of the day was spent cleaning and repairing . The lamp was lost . . . shards of pottery everywhere . . . it found its home with the bladder , out the back door . The old bed was taken apart making room for the new one that was delivered much later than the time given . At the end of the day one of her neighbors stopped by wondering what was in the back yard . " It 's a long story , " said Rae . " It is embarrassing . Who would think that two people , both having two degrees , both advisors to the Future Problem Solvers , most would consider us fairly intelligent . . . but . . . well , there is no explanation . " A wise woman asked me who I thought was the most important person in the school that children would encounter . My first thought was . . . . everyone . . . each has a different role . But no , she would not accept that answer . . . too easy . . . name one person . The school secretary . . . this person runs the school , knows how to solve problems , is the first person to greet an angry parent . . . lots of reasons . But no . . . this wise woman said she did not agree . " The most important person a child encounters for the school day is the bus driver . The bus driver is the first person to greet the student . . . and that could determine the rest of the day . It makes a difference if the bus driver opens that door and welcomes the student with a smile and genuine greeting . " I pondered that and thought about the two bus drivers I had when I was in school . There was Mr . Lane . He was perfect . I only remember him stopping the bus one time because we got too rowdy . He spoke in a quiet voice and explained the reason we needed to stay in our seats . And then he drove us to school . ( He also gave each of us a huge Hershey bar for Christmas . ) When Mr . Lane retired the next driver was Mr . Smith ( not his real name ) . He was a grouch and yelled every day . I could usually expect a miserable ride to and from school . He drove too fast , stopped too fast and got angry too fast . Once he turned the corner near a corn field too fast and slid into a deep ditch . The big boys ( high school kids . . . I was probably in 7th grade . . . well the big boys started rocking the bus and chanting " Smithy , Smithy , Smithy " as the bus would rock precariously to the side . I knew we were going to land in the ditch , and fortunately the bus was deep enough in so that when we did fall to the side we were at an angle and not flat on the side . We all crawled out and waited for another bus to come get us . Of course , that was before buses could communicate for help , so Mr . Smith had to leave us and call for help at the next house . I can 't imagine that happening today . I think of the bus drivers at the school where I taught . . . and Jaci comes to mind . She always smiled and knew all of the students ' names . That was because she also worked in the cafeteria as the cashier , greeting each student by name , with a smile and an encouraging word . What a wonderful way to begin the school day . . . stepping onto the bus to the smiling face of Jaci . Jaci with her husband ( note : beautiful smile ) Yes , the wise woman was right . . . that school bus drivers are an important beginning and ending to the students ' day . But we must not forget each part of the fabric of the school . . . custodians , cooks , counselors , teachers , media specialists , secretaries , principals . . . . on and on . . . . So many I will not even try to continue . Each has an important role in the education of our students . But for today . . . I say ' thanks ' to the school bus drivers out there who greet each child with a smile . . . . and a special thanks to Jaci . I am in Indianapolis now . It is Sunday night and snowing and blowing . . . . many of the schools have already been closed for tomorrow . I am writing this now because I don 't think I will have time to write tomorrow . . . we hope to be driving back to Toledo . I am glad we came here though . . . we met my sister at our family friend 's home . It is the same family that took in Peppy the Chicken . Peppy the Chicken . . . or Cat ? . . . Of course , all of us . . . ( kids no more ) are grown and some retired . Three of our elders have died . . . first my father ( Mort ) . . . then Charlie . . . then my mother ( Maxine ) . How fortunate that the other Maxine ( yes , there were two . . . such good friends ) still lives on the farm and opens her home to us . The farm has been in the family for over 150 years . So , this post will be short today . I had a wonderful afternoon visitng with old friends . . . like family . . . laughing about old times and thinking of ideas for blog posts . Ray and I took a short walk around the farm though the wind was bitter cold . We saw a coyote loping through the field . . . and then returned to the warmth of the house . For the past few years my husband , Ray , and I have gone to the Mobile Meals CHILI COOK OFF . That might surprise many of my friends because they know that I really don 't like chili . I don 't like chili beans or any other kind of bean that sneaks into the chili . I really don 't like spicy hot either . I pick out the beans , peppers and anything else that looks suspicious and then eat the rest . Ray 's son , Eric , did make chili for us when we visited him last summer . . . but he had two kinds . . . one hot and one mild for me . It was perfect . . . and I thank him for thinking to do that . Most of the time I take one bite of that . . . and then let Ray eat the rest . . . . so he ends up eating a lot while I get more cups of chili to taste letting him have the rest . This year I found out that they have hot dogs there , so I tried walking around searching for the hot dogs staying clear of the dancing knife , fork and spoon . When I finally found the hot dog place , I paused to search for money in my pocket . . . looked up and a man got in front of me . . . buying the last two hot dogs . Okay . . . I am not much of a fan of hot dogs . . . but since Ray was making a meal of the chili cups I thought I would find my meal there too . Thus . . . the only other choice was a cup of Moose Tracks ice cream . Yummy ! I have to admit that I did find a chili that I liked ! ! ! I walked up to a table full of smiles . . . a young woman offered me my cup of chili . . . another young lady added cheese . . . another added sour cream . . . then onions . . . and last . . . Frito Chips . Each was smiling and seemed to be having fun . I took the cup back to the table ready for my bite and then putting the cup in Ray 's tray . But no . . . . it tasted good . . . even the beans . . . . how could that be ! I used the Frito Chip to scoop the last bit of it from the cup . Dare I go back for another cup ? I went back for a second cup and dropped a few dollars in their bucket . The table with the most money wins the cook off . . . and this table deserved to win . I took a picture of these smiling young ladies and asked if I could put their picture in my blog . They represent " MY SISTER ' S HOUSE . " My Sister 's House is an organization for mentoring , enriching and empowering the lives of young women . I enjoyed the enthusiasm , smiles and the cooperation they had while greeting people and offering their chili . If this is an indication of the work of ' My Sister 's House ' then I am impressed and hope that each of these woman will thrive and reach her full potential to become a positive example for future young girls . It 's is amazing what one discovers at a chili cook off . . . not only did I find I could enjoy some chili , I also met some enthusiastic young women who are discovering their own journeys in life . By the time we moved to Ohio when I was thirteen . . . Maxine had given up driving ( after getting the car stuck on the big rock ) . She did not drive for many years . After my father 's first heart attack he encouraged mother to get a learner 's permit . He knew she needed to be able to drive if something happened to him . She had many learner 's permits . Each time the real driver 's test came , Maxine would freeze and refuse to do it . She took a driver 's lesson course and prided herself that her reflexes were better than the teenagers in her class . She always got 100 % on the written tests , but when it came to getting in the car for the driving part . . . she just couldn 't do it . Since I had a small VW Dasher that was the right size for her to maneuver the city streets I would often take her on her practice drives . It made me a bit nervous that she liked to drive the freeways . . . . " Because there were not stop lights . Stop lights are too confusing . Especially when they have arrows , " she would say . " Watch the road , watch the road , " was all I could squeak out as my grip on the handhold was stopping my circulation and my right foot searched for the nonexistent brake . How could she see all those details on a bird ? She wasn 't the passenger . . . she was the driver ! ! ! My father was known for his patience . He was determined that Maxine would get her driver 's license . He had made poles for parallel parking practice . . . just like the kind they would use for her test . We decided to practice in the parking lot of a school one Sunday . He would drive in his car carrying the poles and Maxine and I would follow in the Dasher . . . she would drive . . . and then use my car for parking practice . We were following my dad . . . Maxine was doing great . . . not too close . . . I was feeling good . Dad put on his turning signal to turn left and slowed down . Maxine kept driving . . . did not slow down . " Slow down , he 's turning . . . slow down . . . slow . . . STOP ! " ( It is really difficult to calmly tell someone to stop in fear of getting her upset . . . . I failed . . . my voice was . . . . BOOM ! ! ! ) We smacked into my dad 's car pushing it into the parking lot as Maxine took the corner on what felt like two wheels . She did an abrupt stop inches from his car . He jumps out of his car , checks for damage . I 'm out of the car before she puts it in park . . . shaking , but glad there was no big damage and we all survived . What I could not believe was listening to my dad . Once she got brave and tried the driving part of the test . I knew when she stormed from the parking lot ahead of the officer that she had failed it . " He knew all along I was not going to pass , " she said . " When I hit the curb trying to parallel park I asked him if I could go around the block and try again . . . . and he said to me , ' ma 'm , it 's not going to help , you failed it back at the first light . ' " There are many more incidents . . . but she finally got her license after my father died . She was 67 . It took a few times . . . but with the help of family and friends she finally succeeded . I think it is time for another Maxine story . I know people wonder why I call my mother , Maxine , but when I am telling one of her stories . . . or one about her . . . she becomes Maxine to me . . . and not the Hallmark card Maxine with the rollers in hair , smoking a cigarette while holding a glass of wine . No way ! My Maxine was a " never let a drop of liquor pass my lips " type of woman . . . . " God put us on this Earth to look nice for others " ( yes , she said that . . . usually when I was dressed in jeans and a t - shirt . ) . . . so she would NEVER leave the house without her makeup applied correctly and she was always wearing a matching outfit . Maxine and Mort Maxine did not like to drive . When we were young . . . I was five and Linda was eight , my father went to school in Philadelphia for a few weeks and would only be home on the weekends . He told mother that she really needed to drive since we lived out in the country and she may not be able to depend on the few neighbors all of the time . He bought this big old car . . . I don 't know what kind . . . but it had the split front windshield and an electric choke . . . and the back seat ( where I spent most of the time on the floor praying we would make it to our destination ) was huge . Then there was picking up my sister and her friend from a Brownie meeting . Somehow , probably driving out of the driveway after dropping off Linda 's friend . . . Mother could not get the car in forward . No worry though ! Maxine was a problem solver . She just drove us all the way home in reverse . . . that 's one of the times I was on the floor in the back . One more . . . . we had a big rock at the end of the drive way . . . . yes . . . she did . . . she drove right over it and got the car stuck . She jumped out of the car . . . stormed past my father . . . handed him the keys . . . and said she would never drive again . It took him hours ( with the help of a few neighbors with tractors and tools ) to get that old car off the rock . All the time some of the young neighborhood boys watching and asking , " Mr . Haworth . . . how did you get your car on that rock ? " Before I started dating my husband ( about five years ago ) I had never heard of a Cylon or ever watched the show Battlestar Galactica . Most of my television viewing was the news and Jeopardy . Enter Ray , Sci - Fi fan , who tried to enlighten me . . . encouraging me to at least try to watch Battlestar Galactica . So , I agreed to do this as long as he agreed to see CATS the next time it came to town . ( Can you believe he has never seen it ! ! The thought of people dressed as cats dancing and singing appealed to him as much as space creatures using lasers to kill each other appealed to me . ) ( Oh gee . . . Ray just told me they don 't use lasers on Battlestar . . . that would be Star Wars . . . Battlestar just uses projectile weapons . . . guns and missiles . . . . but on the OLD Battlestar they did use lasers . ) Of course , it all sounds alike the same thing to me . . . and I have diverted from my topic of Cy our Cylon . I bought Ray the complete series of BG for Christmas a few years ago and accompanying it was this robot looking thing called a Cylon . We picked the original name , Cy , for him and decided to take him with us on our honeymoon . It was the beginning of travels with Cy . Cy travels with us whenever we travel and poses for pictures in various places . These pictures will show some of the places he has traveled . When we are at home , Cy travels here too . I will hide him . . . maybe peeking out of the shamrock plant , . . . when Ray finds him . . . he will hide the little robot and wait to see how long it takes me to find him . It 's just a fun thing we do . This is Cy at our wedding reception which was at the Toledo Zoo . We happened to get married on Talk Like a Pirate Day . . . . thus the pirate theme . Cy is watching from behind . My husband found this article about education in Finland and thought I would be interested in it . It is a long read so I will try to capture a bit of it , but encourage all of you to read this . http : / / www . theatlantic . com / national / archive / 2011 / 12 / what - americans - keep - ignoring - about - finlands - school - success / 250564 / In Finland all teachers and administrators are given prestige , decent pay , and a lot of responsibility . There are no lists of best schools or teachers in Finland . The main driver of education policy is not competition between teachers and between schools , but cooperation . My plan tonight ( Monday ) was to write a post that I could use for the next day so that I could wake up and just ' poof ' add it to the list for Day 19 . In the evening my husband and I often watch a show that we have recorded . He thought I had a good idea about writing my post so he suggested we don 't watch anything . . . or if we do . . . let it be something where I would not have to focus much . . . more of a background . Good idea ! It is now 10 : 02 in the evening and the show has ended . . . all three hours and fifteen minutes . . . . and the story about my Uncle Frank has yet to be written . Take It Easy sang the Eagles . . . and that is just what I did . I can not believe that I watched this show and did not bother getting on line , reading the newspaper , writing my post . . . or any other various things I do while watching television . That Peaceful Easy Feeling of finishing a post for my blog is Already Gone . So . . . was it a good documentary ? Yes . . . if you like the Eagle 's music . . . watch it . . . just don 't count on getting much done when it is on . : - ) Now , I hear my cat approaching . . . and you all know . . . It 's Difficlt to Type wit a Cat on Your Lap So I will Take It Easy and enjoy the rest of the evening . You know . . . . I no longer feel like The New Kid in Town with this Slice of Life Challenge . Thanks for all your comments and support . Thanks Stacey and Ruth for organizing the Slice . I think I am in for The Long Run . Those words are some of my first memories . I remember sitting on my dad 's lap , facing him , and saying those words . I figured it was a little game we played that he so kindly tolerated . It never made any sense to me though . . . . he had hazel eyes . . . and why would I say yellow eyes ? Now Linda was about to solve this mystery for me . She , being two and a half years older , was able to fill in the holes of this story . ( It 's great having an older sister with such a good memory . ) My mother worked at a small boutique a couple evenings a week . She was in her element there , helping women pick the right dress for a gala and spending all the money she earned buying clothing for herself or her two little girls . My memories of this are fuzzy . I do know that my dad would drive her there and pick her up , since she did not drive . ( at that time . . . but that is a whole other Maxine story . . . getting her driver 's license ) Of course , Linda and I would go with my dad as we were too young to stay at home . I remember stopping at a nearby ice cream parlor . . . so those trips to take and pick up my mom were fun . When we would go pick up my mom , it was usually dark . Sometimes we 'd get there early , or sometimes she would be with a customer and would be late . That is where this little game was invented . Linda said that there was a flashing neon sign nearby . ( I am not sure what it was advertising . . . . maybe Linda remembers . ) It was flashing yellow and then green . . . yellow and then green . The light would reflect from my dad 's eyes . Linda said that she got so tired of listening to me play this game , but my dad patiently opened and closed his eyes , entertaining his two year old daughter . " You have geen eyes . . . . you have yellow eyes . . . Close your eyes ! . . . Open your eyes ! ! You have GEEN eyes ! " Such a simple way to pass the time and show love for your daughter . As a guidance counselor in a middle school I also taught one class that we called social skills . This was a sixth grade class and was a great way to get to know all of the students . We discussed things such as peer pressure , bullying , time management . . . etc . Our school had four sixth grade classes , so I taught one group each nine weeks and then rotated to a new class the next nine weeks . My third group of sixth graders were seated and ready for their first class with me . I always began with ' class rules ' which can be a bit tiresome but needed to be done . Since it was a small school , most of the students knew me as I would work with teachers , conduct small groups , and made myself as visible as possible . But this was the first time they would have me as a teacher . A young boy , was waving his hand with such enthusiasm that I had to call on him . " We are not allowed to kill bugs , " he stated . I was a bit taken aback wondering how to segway from bugs to showing respect . . . which was the rule I had intended to have as discussion . Then I remembered that I had stopped a boy in one of the former classes when he was about to stomp on a spider . I am sure I had given a lecture about all creatures have a purpose . . . . etc . . . and for some reason the word was out . . . " Don 't kill bugs in Ms . Haworth 's class ! " Oh . . . and one more . . . . Our music teacher ( sixth grade again ) asked if there were any questions after a lesson on reading music . . . . knowing this lesson was probably not the most interesting to these young students . . . . imagine her surprise when ' Johnny 's ' hand shot up . . . . wiggling in his seat like a puppy dog . Ah . . . she had hooked someone 's interest . . . maybe he will join the choir . . . . be in the musical . . . and yes , she smiled and called on him . The summer before my fifth grade year was the summer my friend , Karen , and I went to church camp together . . . Pine Creek . . . . close to Gnaw Bone , Indiana . We had chosen Pine Creek because we wanted to ' rough it ' . . . . living in tents , eating at a mess tent , no running water , and living in the woods . It was here I learned an important lesson in honesty . Our time at camp was spent doing typical camp things . . . hiking , learning about nature , swinging on grape vines over a creek , building a ' home in the woods ' , and camp fires with songs and Bible lessons . On the day before we were to go home , there was going be a scavenger hunt . Each tent would work as a team and the tent with the most items found would be the winner . I am not sure what the prize was . . . but this was a competition . . . and we girls wanted to beat the boys . We had a plan . . . . divide and conquer ! We would get the list and assign each girl a few items and then bring in our loot . There were six of us in our tent . We kept track of all the leaves , rocks , tree bark and anything else that might be included on the list . The evening before the big scavenger hunt Karen and I happened to be hanging around the mess tent when we heard the counselors planning the hunt . They had the list . . . right there . . . if only we could see it . Imagine the joy when one of the counselors threw her list in the trash ! Sneaking back to our tent we gathered around that night , flashlights shining on THE LIST . Most of the items were ones we already figured would be there . . . but at the bottom was the prize . . . . worth 100 point . . . . a turtle . ! ! ! Scavenger Hunt Time ! ! ! . . . . the next day . We waited in groups as the counselors passed out the lists . Karen and I did not even bother to look at ours as we headed for the creek . We had to run as it was not nearby and we only had half an hour . Oh . . . that turtle better be there sunning himself like he had been the days before . . . . and yes . . . . there he was . . . . but he looked bigger now . We crept closer . . . . the turtle seemed unaware . . . basking in the sun . . . on a log near the bank of the creek . No time for planning . . . I made a quick leap and grabbed the tail . I guess I had not figured that this would upset the turtle . He turned his head toward me and lunged . . . with a snap of his mouth . That was close . . . . I lifted him from the log before his mouth reached my leg . As long as I held him straight out , my leg was safe . He would swing his body getting inches from my leg . " I can 't . . . . he 's going to bite me . He 's really mad . If I hold him like this all the way back to the camp , maybe we can put him in the trash can and bring him back here . " I still wanted to get those 100 points . . . plus I knew that the second I put Snapper ( I already named him ) down he would turn on me and attack . . . . down deep , I thought I deserved it . I knew I would do the same if I was him . The hike back was lllloooonnnngggg . My arm was getting so tired and each time I lowered it a bit , I could feel the brush of Snapper 's mouth . Karen could not get close enough to help . I knew Snapper was mad and I wanted to let him go , but fear kept my arm perpendicular from my body . By the time we got close to the camp my arm was shaking . We only had five minutes before time was up . Karen ran ahead shouting that we had a turtle . I half burst and half stumbled to the center of camp , dropping the poor turtle and running the opposite direction . Everyone scattered . . . Snapper was waving his head , mouth open wide . Finally , a couple of counselors got a broom and put the handle in front of him . He clamped on that handle and they carried him back to the creek . Karen and I felt quite proud . . . until we were informed that they had crossed the turtle off the scavenger hunt list , so the 100 points would not count . Before I uttered the words , " Not Fair ! ! " I realized that it was fair . We were the ones who had been unfair . Shame surged through me and I could feel my face turning red . I had not even thought that we had been cheating . We thought we were being resourceful and clever . If we had just played fair we would have had all the other items easily . Ol ' Snapper flashed through my mind often while growing up . . . whenever I was tempted to ' bend the rules . ' Snapper taught me an important lesson about being fair and how hollow a win is , or a good grade is if it is gained by dishonesty . " The days author of my poem is Anon . Anon was born in England in 1925 . She had three brothers and two sisters and loved them very much . She could not find a space to write her poems . She would go to the park and swing on the swings and look at the clouds in the sky . That is where she got her ideas to write about . Sometimes she had sad but most of the time she was happy . Her family loved her . " It was not easy to stifle a smile . . . but I did . I could imagine his frustration in searching for this author . He probably waited until the last minute and had run out of time to find a new poem . The two of us had a short lesson on being truthful and the importance of asking for assistance when something stumps you . I appreiated his resourcefulness . . . creativity . . . and his problem solving skills but hoped that he had learned his lesson about honesty . Below is the recipe mother wrote for her friends and family . She continued to have dinner parties ( thus the ' serve thirty ' ) after my father died . You can skim the ingredients , but read her instructions . Also , I found that I had omitted the cheese - - didn 't find it until 15 minutes before the casserole was to come from the oven . I added it at that time and really think it was best to not have the cheese topping on the entire baking time , as it turns brown . Mine stayed yellow with just a little browning . I know what it feels like to walk into a brutal murder scene . . . . the faint feeling , gasp of breath and hand covering my face . I had returned from a day at work at school , walked into the kitchen and saw a red hand print dripping down the refrigerator . The same hand prints were on the cabinets , stove and sink . Red drops pooled on the floor . " I made beets today , " my mother sang out to me from her chair in the living room . " Oh . . . that 's nice , " I said , wiping clean all beet evidence . . . after catching my breath . I don 't want to make light of anyone who has experienced a real crime scene . . . but for a few short seconds . . . I think I could relate to that feeling . My mother lived with me the last twelve years of her life . Her health was remarkable . . . no medication . . . just something for her indigestion and a vitamin for her macular degeneration . Some of you may know , from earlier posts , that she was an excellent seamstress . She was NOT a good cook . People at school did look forward for her banana bread . . . until one loaf was full of paper clips . Maxine , ( my mom ) had dropped a box of paper clips on the counter . . . I guess . . . I did not have the heart to tell her about the ruined bread . . . and I did find stray clips on the floor and counter . It is difficult to write about her cooking without making this way too long . There was the time she made jelly for a brunch my parents were having for guests . My father did 99 % of the cooking ( he said Maxine was better at entertaining ) , but she wanted to contribute something . . . so she made jelly . She proudly set a few small bowls with the proper silver spoon in each bowl . By the time brunch was served , the jelly had solidified becoming one with the bowl and spoon . Picking up the spoon would result in the whole bowl being lifted from the table . One more example and I will end . . . for now . . . . I think this picture of the fudge she made needs no words of description . Cats fed , breakfast finished , and tickets to the Happy Together Concert have been purchased . Those of you non - baby boomers may not appreciate the joy my husband and I have singing along with Mark Lindsey from Paul Revere and the Raiders , or Flo and Eddie from the Turtles . . . and a few other 1960s bands at these concerts . I won 't even try to explain because my topic this morning is about being lucky . I have to admit , a got this idea from Cathy . . . after reading her post from yesterday about being unlucky . . . but actually winning something . Cathy , I hope you don 't mind that I will piggyback your idea . I have always considered myself a lucky person . . . even when I was young I felt that . But the strangest ' luck ' I had can not be explained . It has to do with my license plates . Way back in 2000 when I purchased my lime green Beetle I decided to get license tags to support the Scenic Rivers . The blue heron flying across the top of the plate looked pretty and would look good on the back of my Beetle . My Uncle Frank was visiting when the plates arrived . Imagine my dismay when I ripped open the thick envelope and locked eyes with a fish . A FISH ! No blue heron ! I don 't eat fish . . . I don 't go fishing . . . and I did not want a fish on my license plate . Uncle Frank just sat there with a grin on his face while my mother ( who lived with me ) hoped that my ranting would subside . How can I drive around with a fish on my tags ! About five minutes into my rage I noticed that the fish looked exactly like the fish engraved on my fathers grave stone . ( He liked to fish . . . poor guy , neither of his daughters liked to fish . . . hmmm , but maybe it was his way of escaping to a quiet place . ) Yes , mother agreed that the fish did look the same . Hmmm . . . that fish did not look all that bad . . . made me feel like my father was driving with me . Then I checked the rest of the plate . The numbers were 517 . . . . my father 's birthday . I hugged the plates and knew I would never return these plates . . . not ever . . . and oh how childish I had been about that lovely fish . " Now you have toJackie It is Sunday morning ( well 11 : 16 ) and I have a conference call at noon . How will I get my post finished ! ! ! I hear one of my elderly cats caterwauling in her guttural voice informing me that she is not satisfied with her morning meal . I feel the pressure . . . will I be able to finish this . . . . need to focus . . . don 't think about Star . . . ahhh . . . Ray just scooted her to the kitchen and is feeding her a new and different can of Fancy Feast . He tells me that they like variety and so they never get the same kind of food two days in a row . Yes , we spoil them . . . but they are 22 and 23 years old . . . so they feel they are entitled . The conference call is soon and I should get prepared . I am the secretary of a nonprofit , Cuyamungue Institute , that is based in New Mexico . Every summer I travel to New Mexico for a board meeting and usually to present a workshop . I will write more about it in another blog . It is important to select the right words to describe the beauty of the Land and the transformation I feel every time I go there . So , instead of writing about it , this time I will share a few pictures . Sunset at Cuyamungue Walking up to the ridge to greet the sun in the morning . The road into Cuyamungue Institute The Casita and the Kiva . |
I was at our five year class reunion . Everybody looked like they changed a little but no drastic changes . But inside who knows what changes took place . I 've had a number of drastic changes in my life in the last five years . I really wonder what changes some of my classmates went through . Here I am watching my old classmates and thinking a few years back to the end of my high school days . I was thinking about my dating scene and all the different girls I dated . Hell , I probably dated half the girls that were here tonight . I was just a normal guy but had a way with words . I never considered myself good looking but just average . Some of my dates thought differently . I never lacked for dates . I remember passing around the year book and reading a lot of the autographs and seeing they were all pretty similar , " Good luck in all your future endeavors " and so on . As I was reading them , one stood out . It was from Julie . It read , " Wish I could have gotten to know you better , love , Julie . " I never dated Julie before the autograph books were signed . She was in a few of my classes and I did talk to her . I talked to all the girls . I learned years before to treat everyone nice . You never know what the future holds . One time when I was a younger teenager I use to kiss this one girl named Mary . She always hung around with her girlfriend Sue , who had lots of pimples and was kind of gawky looking . Needless to say I didn 't treat Sue very nice . I wasn 't overly mean to her or anything . It was just that I didn 't want her hanging around when I was with Mary . A few years later I was out with some of my friends at a dance . This knockout of a gal comes up to me and kisses me on the cheek and says , " Hi , Larry . How have you been ? " I looked at her and didn 't recognize her . She was nice , really nice . She said , " You don 't remember me , do you ? I 'm Sue , Mary 's friend from the old neighborhood . " I told her how nice she looked and asked her to dance . She looked at me and said , " No , thank you , you never wanted me around you before and I don 't care to be around you now . I just came up to you to teach you a lesson . Treat all people with respect . You don 't want to burn your bridges in case you need to cross them again . " Then she walked away . Well , I learned my lesson from that day forward . I treated all people with equal respect . I learned my lesson from Sue . Back to Julie . She had great looks but always dressed down . Not down as much as old fashioned . I never saw her in jeans . She always wore kind of granny dresses to school . Her family wasn 't poor . They lived in a nice neighborhood and she was an only child . She was extremely conservative . I don 't know anyone who took her out on a date . No one ever said anything bad about her and she did have friends , mostly girls . I talked with my girlfriend Jill at the time and asked if she knew anything about Julie ? She said that Julie 's dad was really old fashioned and didn 't allow Julie to date until she graduated from high school . Any guy that went to see Julie had to be very proper , like from the 1940 's . She said it was weird but that was the way they lived . Right after graduation Jill and I broke up for a few weeks . It was fine with me because we had already done the nasty and I wanted to play the field . One day during the summer before going to college I decided to drive by Julie 's house and say hello , remembering what she wrote in my yearbook . I walked up to the door and knocked . Julie came to the door smiling . She had on a pair of shorts and a white blouse . Wow , I thought , nice legs . As she got to the door her father came up behind her and asked me if he could help me . I told him I stopped by to see Julie . He looked at Julie and told her she had a guest and to go get properly dressed . He then told me I could sit on the porch swing until Julie was presentable . I was ready to hightail it out of there but didn 't want to hurt Julie 's feelings so I went over and sat on the swing . About five minutes later Julie came out attired in a dress . Her dad stepped on the porch with her and said , " Next time , son , don 't drop in . You may call Julie first so she will be presentable when you arrive . " I said , " Yes , sir , " to him and he went back into the house . Julie sat next to me on the swing and talked low so her father wouldn 't be able to hear . She apologized for her father 's actions but said as long as she lives at home she will abide by his rules . I told her I understood and then we talked a lot of small talk . I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere and she said she couldn 't because she didn 't have permission yet . I couldn 't believe this . The girl was eighteen years old and still needed her dad 's permission to go on a date . I asked her to get permission to go out Friday night . She told me I would have to ask her dad . That 's the way it was . Damn , I didn 't want to get married , I just wanted to go to Big Boy 's for a hamburger and maybe see a movie . I knocked on the door and her dad appeared . I asked for permission to take his daughter out on Friday for something to eat and to see a movie . I got her dad 's permission but he said , " No drive - in movies and I expect you to be dressed in proper attire . " I told him I understood and then asked if it was alright if Julie went up the street with me to McDonald 's to get a hamburger right now ? He said as long as we walked . It was about a mile walk but I wanted to get away from the house . Julie got up and thanked her dad and away we went on our walk . I guess I was dressed semi - proper . I didn 't wear a tie but I did wear slacks instead of jeans and I did wear a sports jacket . It felt kind of weird dressing up to go to a movie and Big Boy 's for a burger . Julie on the other hand had on a nice dress . Kind of a blue flowery type . She looked great . I made sure I opened the car door for her seeing her dad was watching me . After we left the movie I pulled into one of the local lovers ' lanes . I turned off the car and reached over and kissed Julie . She put her hands against the side of my face and gently kissed me back . Damn , that girl could kiss . She had these warm soft lips you could melt in . After a few more kisses I reached over and gently squeezed her breast . Soft and nice , wow , I couldn 't believe she let me do it . I gave her breast another squeeze and heard a slight moan come from her . I quickly put my hand on her knee and slid my hand under her dress and quickly up her thigh till she clamped her legs together . I know she like it . I could feel her shake . That was always a good sign . Right then she reached her right hand back and bitch slapped me as hard as she could on the left cheek . I pulled back quickly and put my hand against my reddening face . Man , that hurt , I mean really hurt . I guess I asked for it and she delivered . I looked over at her and she had her face in her hands and was crying , " Please take me home , Larry . " I started to apologize but she cut me off and said , " Please , just take me home . " She cried all the way to her house and when I pulled up in front of her home she didn 't wait for me to open the door . She jumped out and ran into the house . I didn 't know what to think . All I could picture in my mind was her dad coming out with a shotgun . So I hit the accelerator and hightailed it out of there . When I got home my dad saw my bruised face and asked me what happened . I told him and he told me I got what I deserved . That was five years ago and this is the first time I have seen Julie since that day . She was still a fine looking girl , woman now . I wondered if there were any skeletons in her closet . She just seemed so pure . She was over talking with some of her old girlfriends . I went over to talk to some of the guys . Everyone kind of talked about what they had been up to and then I looked over at Julie and asked the guys what the latest on her was . Bill said she owned and operated a day care center with her mom . No one knew much about it . Jim said he thought she was a lesbian because she wouldn 't go out with him . That 's the way Jim always was . If a girl didn 't date him she was a lesbian . Bob looked at Jim and said he was full of shit . Julie was no lesbian . He took her out a couple of times . She was a lot of fun but wouldn 't put out . She told him she was saving herself for marriage . Bob laughed and said , " It 's not that easy , Earl . First she has to love you and I don 't think she will hardly talk to you , let alone screw you . " We all laughed . Then we looked up and Julie came over to say hello . Boy , did the guys ever clam up quick . I was the first to speak . I said , " Hi Julie , it 's so nice to see you again . How has life been treating you ? " I told her I would like to talk to her for a few minutes if she had time later . She said she would enjoy talking about old times with me as she walked away . Of course the guys all asked if I was going to try and score . I laughed and told them I didn 't think so even though I thought to myself how I really would like to . I said , " First , Julie , I have to apologize for my actions on our date . I never did apologize to you . It was a combination of being embarrassed and afraid of your dad . " She looked at me to see how earnest I was in my apology . Then she said , " Apology accepted . You did deserve it , you know . I had wanted to go out with you for two years and we finally went out and you went too far . So even though I accept your apology , I will not apologize for hitting you . " " No , there are a few people I tried to keep tabs on and you were one of them . I can 't believe you were married and divorced twice in five years . Are you going to tell me all about it ? " So I began the story of my last five years . " Well , it started with Jill . About a month after my date with you , Jill came up and said she was pregnant . I didn 't love her but I wanted to do the right thing . I went home and talked it over with my dad and he said , ' If you got her pregnant , then you should marry her . You could learn to love her . ' He said , ' You definitely learned to fuck her . ' I 'm sorry for swearing but if I 'm to tell you my story the rough words will be part of it . " " Jill and I got married right away . I postponed going to college till we could get on our feet . I got a job and we bought a small used trailer . It was all we could afford being so young . My dad cosigned for us . After about thee months , I asked Jill how come the baby wasn 't showing yet . She looked as trim as ever . She told me she had a miscarriage and lost the baby . I felt so bad and held her . I asked her when that happened and she just started to stutter . I looked at her and said , " You were never pregnant , were you ? " " I went home and talked to my dad . I wanted out of this three month marriage that was a farce . We contacted an attorney . He told us , my dad and I , that because the marriage was perpetrated on a lie that we could get an annulment , but that the transfer of assets could be a little stickier since we bought property together . So , my dad . . . what a great man . . . took fifteen thousand dollars out of his savings and paid off all our debt . which was the trailer and accessories and gave them to Jill . " " I went to a school in California in the Silicon Valley area . I wanted to become a computer expert and what better place to learn . Computer Island is what we called it . If it had anything to do with computers , it could be learned there . I started school and really buckled down . I learned everything about the inner workings of the computer . My teachers said I was one of the best in the class . Of course my old ways came back to haunt me and even though I still studied hard , I started to play hard . " " I went out with my friends pretty regularly . I started doing recreational drugs and smoking pot . So I was always a little on the high side . I met a girl , not just any girl but a model . She was a couple of years older than me . Not just a student but an honest to goodness full fledged built like a brick shit - house model . A real California girl . God damn , was she ever beautiful and that wasn 't the pot talking . She was a bikini babe all the way . " I continued my story . " Well , she had a couple of major faults . For one she was kind of stuck on herself . She was a ' me first ' type of person . But worse , she was a heavy drug user . Stupid me thought I could help her but you can 't help someone who doesn 't want it . Well , we dated and had a lot of sex , we took drugs together and of course she got pregnant . I thought , " Oh , shit , not again . " We made a doctors appointment and he verified that she was three months along . I was at a loss . I told her we should get married right away . The baby must come first . I knew it was the pot thinking brain I had , but it was also the right thing to do . Besides , as I mentioned before , she wasn 't hard on the eyes . " Julie looked a little worried . She told me that she thought I had been holding it all in and needed to get it out . To tell someone and get it off my chest . She was right . I needed to release my past and she right then was the sweetest person I have ever known . I asked her if we could finish talking outside . I knew I was going to break down and didn 't want anyone else to see it . We walked outside and sat on a porch swing on the patio of the restaurant and I continued my story . " Ellen , who was my girlfriend / model and I went to Las Vegas the following weekend and got married . She had an apartment and I moved in with her . We had a really stupid life . The only thing we had in common was we both loved sex and smoked pot . I called my dad and told him the news . He called me a stupid ass who couldn 't keep his dick in his pants . He told me if me or Ellie were on drugs to get the hell off of them for the baby 's sake . I never even thought of that , the stupid ass I was . Ellie luckily had insurance with the model 's union . Without that insurance , we would have been up a creek without a paddle . " " When Ellie was five months gone she told me she didn 't want the baby . I couldn 't believe her . Why wouldn 't she want her baby ? She told me since she carried it this far , that she would have it , then give it up for adoption . Otherwise she would consider abortion . She wasn 't ready to be a mother and really didn 't care for kids . I couldn 't believe what I was hearing . My wife of two months was going to give our baby away or kill it . I just couldn 't believe it . The baby had a mother and a father . Why would you give it away ? I told her no way ! She wasn 't giving my child away . God almighty , the things you find out too late . " " I told Ellie that I couldn 't stay with a woman that would give her child away knowing that me , the father wanted it . She told me I could have it . After it was born I could take the kid and do what I wanted with it . She couldn 't even call it a baby , a girl or boy , she called it an it , the dumb bitch . I just couldn 't believe this was happening . In two years I 'd been married twice and my second wife didn 't want our child . I sat down and cried . " " I called my dad , my rock in hard times . I explained the situation to him . I know he could hear me crying . I was lost and needed help desperately . " " My dad said he would help me all he could but there wasn 't much that he could do living so far away . He told me after the baby was born I should move back home . He , mom and my sister would help us all they could . He told me even though I had made all the mistakes he was proud of me for standing up for the baby . He told me the baby right now had no one else to speak for him . " " About two month later Ellie was rushed to the hospital . Due to her taking drugs the baby was going to come early . She , yes it was going to be a girl and would be a preemie . She would be a seven month baby and to make it even worse she would be addicted to drugs . The only good thing about Ellie was that she did have insurance to help cover the pregnancy and the baby 's care . It would end up being in the tens of thousands of dollars . " " I decided I was going to name her Carly . I liked that name . When she was delivered the doctor grabbed her and rushed her into an incubator . He looked at me and said she only had about a thirty percent chance of making it . I looked at her and sat down and bawled . The tears wouldn 't stop . I knew that Ellie was a druggy but so was I and look what we did to our baby . " " I decided right then and there that I wouldn 't take another drug or smoke weed . I was going to stop cold turkey . I wasn 't a religious person but I walked into the hospital chapel and prayed for my little girl . There was just nothing I could do to help her . I would have given my life for her but life doesn 't work that way . I felt so helpless . I have no idea how long I stayed in the chapel . I guess until I ran out of tears . I headed back to see Ellie and she said she felt bad but it might be better if the baby died rather then going through life with health problems . I didn 't know what to say . I told her I would go see a lawyer the next day and get the divorce papers and full custody papers taken care of . " " I spent the entire night in the hospital praying and feeling helpless . Every couple of hours a nurse would come out and tell me Carly 's condition . Normally it would be ' No change , I 'm sorry . ' They wouldn 't let me in the room with her due to all the special treatment she was getting . I overheard two nurses talking in the distance as she said , " How could anyone do that to their child ? If she makes it , it will be a miracle . " So at that moment I started praying for a miracle . Carly would be my miracle baby . " " I fell asleep in the waiting room . It was morning and one of the doctors came to see me . I was afraid he was going to tell me my little Carly didn 't make it . " I stopped talking for a few minutes while Julie started crying . It brought tears to my eyes also . She told me how sorry she felt and could almost feel how I must have felt . Useless , hopeless and able to do nothing . " As the doctor approached me he said that Carly hadn 't improved but hadn 't got any worse either , that she was stable . If she made it , she was going to need a lot of medical attention . Then he looked at me and said , ' Not to give you false hope but she 's a fighter . This little girl wants to live . ' I started crying again . " " He said he talked to Ellie about using drugs since she was the one who had the baby . He would have to report her but he said , after talking to her , they decided not to prosecute her as long as she went to a drug rehabilitation program . He also had her sign a form saying she would use some type of pregnancy protection so she wouldn 't bring another child into the world like this . He said it was only enforceable if she ended up pregnant , then they could have her arrested . There was no program that I would be forced to attend . They couldn 't prove that my usage of drugs lead to Carly 's addiction since Ellie was such a heavy user . But deep down I knew it had to be partly my fault also . " " I went back to our apartment and packed up my few belongings . Just about everything belonged to Ellie . I was able to get all my belongings in my car . Then I headed over to see an attorney . I decided I wanted a female attorney since I was going for custody of a child . " " I went to one of my buddies where I lived before and asked if I could bunk with them till I find a place or decide what I was going to do . I dropped off my stuff and headed back to the hospital . The nurses held up their hands like ' nothing we can do but wait . ' I asked the head nurse if I could go in and see my baby . She saw the tears in my eyes and said , ' Sure , come on . I 'll take you to see her . ' " " As we walked up to the incubator , I started crying . The nurse had tears in her eyes also , looking down on this little tiny body with all these tubes in her knowing she 's fighting to live . It had to be the saddest sight I have ever seen in my entire life . I put my hand on the incubator hoping that my little girl would know that she was not all alone . I know it probably wasn 't true but I felt a connection to my baby touching the incubator . I told the nurse that I wasn 't a religious man so I asked if she could say a prayer for my baby . I was all tied up inside and didn 't know what to say . She said sure and we both put one hand on the incubator and held hands with the other . She said a prayer and I could feel a calm come over me . After the prayer we walked back out and I took my seat in the waiting room . " " I dozed off until I heard a buzzer go off and looked up and every nurse and doctor were running into my daughter 's room . I thought , oh God please be with her . About five minutes later the head nurse came out and told me that Carly had a reaction to the drugs but they got it back under control . " " The next day my attorney and I went in to see Ellie . She said she was sorry about the baby but knew having it was a mistake . I wondered how a woman could be so hard core about a child she had . " " Ellie signed all the necessary papers for the divorce . Since there was no contest and no assets to divide , my attorney said it would go through quickly . She did mention that Ellie could give up all custody and parental rights to Carly but needed to keep her on the insurance so she could get proper care . Ellie agreed to it but said she wanted nothing to do with the child . In fact the next day she left the hospital without even seeing her baby . " " Everyday I went to the hospital I would sit and wait . I got my professors to assign me homework and used a laptop to complete more credits . It gave me something to do while sitting there day after day . Everyday I was allowed to go in and sit with Carly for awhile . I would talk to her and told her she was my miracle baby and would pull through . I told her that I would always be there for her . This went on day after day after day . We would move two steps forward and one step back . The doctor told me that every day that went by was in Carly 's favor . It gave her body time to build up . " " Carly started to gain weight . She had been in the hospital for about two months then . The doctors said it looked like her chances were good or at least better but now they had to deal with the drug use . " " I remember after two months she was released from the incubator and put in a real baby bed . I was allowed to hold her . The first time I held her had to be the greatest day of my life . She wasn 't very big but as the doctor said she was a fighter . She was also starting to take on some characteristics . You could see her baby blue eyes and blond curly hair . She was behind on her growth but that was to be expected . " " It was great to see all the nurses come in every day and talk to her and hold her . They also helped me at feeding time . Carly was finally allowed to eat . She started with formula and then soft baby food . " " This went on for two more months . Carly was four months old when she was released from the hospital . I got a one room apartment and the two of us lived there . My dad sent me some money so I could have a day care nurse . It helped pay for the expenses the insurance didn 't cover . I was able to pick up some computer jobs that I could do in the apartment . It helped Carly and me survive . At the end of the semester my mom and dad drove in a van to California to take Carly and me home with them . " " That was only the second time they saw Carly . They flew in after she had been about two months old . I remember them crying when they saw her . I don 't think they believed she would make it . At that time she looked like a two week old baby instead of two months . But now they were going to be surprised . " " They came through the door and Carly was sitting in her play pen . She was about eight months old then but looked around four months . My parents smiled when they saw her . She was my little miracle baby and she was my total pride and joy . Now she had other family who would love her too . " " Well , Julie , that pretty much covers it . We moved back here and I got a job as a computer wizard . I didn 't get a degree but because of my skills I didn 't need one . I know one thing . . . make that two things . I 'm a computer wizard and a hell of a good daddy . " " Carly is a little over two years old . She is still a little small for her age but she 's a beautiful little girl . She 's smart and catches on fast . Her doctor says she 'll be caught up to her age group in no time . " " Now I have two questions for you . First will you take Carly into your day care ? I want to relieve some of the stress on my family . They 've been through a lot the last year . Second , are you going to tell me about your life the past five years ? " " Well , Larry , as far as my life goes , it 's pretty complicated and I don 't think I can tell you about it right now . Not after hearing about you and your daughter . I 'm a bit shocked , bewildered , I don 't know what word I 'm looking for . Then as far as the day care goes I 'll have to ask my mother . She is half the partnership . I don 't know if we 're equipped to handle ' special needs children ' and I would guess that she 's not potty trained yet . " " Look , Julie , Carly isn 't a special needs child . She plays just like every other child . She takes a special medication but that 's it . And yes , she is not potty trained . Most two year olds aren 't . Julie , I know you don 't want to hurt my feelings and are worried about Carly . But I 'll guarantee you will love her the minute you see her . I 'm not wearing blinders . I know my little girl . Everything I 'm telling you is true . Just give her a chance and meet her . " Julie looked up at me and said , " Okay , I can 't make any promises to you until I talk with my mom . Please don 't hate me if we can 't take her . Stop by tomorrow around one and we will meet Carly and take it from there . " " Thank you , Julie , you won 't regret it and it 's been wonderful seeing you again . Will your dad shoot me when he sees me ? " I laughed . " I haven 't seem him since you ran out of my car . " " Oh , I 'm sorry , Larry , I never told you . My father passed away over a year ago . That 's one of the reasons we started the day care center . It helps pays the bills as well as the other benefits . " " Thank you , Larry , I honestly don 't think dad liked you . He saw me running in the house but never questioned it . He was old fashioned but very smart . He knew when to leave well enough alone . If he met you today , I think he would think differently of you . You have to remember I was his little girl and all men were the big bad wolf . " " Julie , can I ask a special favor of you ? Would you kiss me goodbye in front of the guys . Just so the guys will see ? I 'd love to torment them . " Julie laughed and agreed . We stepped inside the door and went and sat down . The reunion was about over and the people were leaving . Once the guys were looking our way , Julie leaned across the table and kissed me . My God , it was the same as I remembered five years before . |
God didn 't need our help to solve the problem . He punished each Philistine city that had housed the ark with a plague and disease . After many of their people died , the Philistine lords met together and decided to send the ark back to us . They set the ark on a cart , included golden offerings for God , and let milkcows deliver the Ark of the Lord to Beth Shemesh . The Israelites ran from the fields and cheered when they saw the ark coming to their city . They offered sacrifices to God in celebration . But some of the people from the city did not show God respect . One day , while the Ark of God sat at Beth Shemesh , a few of the townspeople became curious . They wanted to take a look inside the ark . They didn 't ask permission from God or a priest or a prophet . They simply wanted to look inside , and they did . A few people crept to the Ark of God , when no one was looking , lifted the lid and looked inside . I don 't know if they were surprised , happy , or pleased , but I do know God didn 't like it . They told their friends what they had done . That night a few more crept to the Ark of God , made sure no one was looking then peeked inside . They told their friends who told their friends and soon seventy people had sneaked to the Ark of God without permission to look inside . That night the people who looked inside the ark became sick . No medicines could help them . They all died . The people from Beth Shemesh cried when they found God had punished the seventy people . They called the Israelites from the next village , Kiriath Jearim , to take the ark away . Like the Philistines , the people of Beth Shemesh didn 't realize the importance of the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord . God gave Moses many rules for worship and the care for the pieces belonging in the Temple . The most important piece was the Ark of the Lord . I was thinking about the time when Moses asked God to see Him . God said no man could see His face and survive because it would be too much for our human bodies . But , God made a way . He had Moses stand in a cleft of a rock , where he would have stone to his left , to his right , behind him , above him , and below his feet . God placed his hand over the opening then allowed his back to pass by the rock . Moses saw a glimps of God 's glory . God granted Moses request because he asked and because Moses obeyed and loved Him . The young man who found us on the road and guided us to the temple grounds spoke with a kind voice . But a kind voice doesn 't always mean the person is kind or he is taking us to a safe place . I felt very nervous about going inside the gate . He led Dr . Huang and me inside the grounds then signaled the gatekeeper to close the gate . I couldn 't help but wonder if I would be a prisoner , trapped in this place far away from anything . No one would hear my cry for help . My heart raced with " what if this " and " what if that 's " . . . until the young man stopped walking and turned to me . He said , " We have waited so very long - - . " I didn 't know what he meant . I bowed and waited for him to finish . He took a breath and closed his eyes for a long moment . " I and all those in the Lamasery want to hear about the God who loves . " I didn 't know what to say . These men devoted their lives to worship a god that was not real . They lived everyday with strict rules ordered by their religion . How did the men living behind these walls , far away from any village discover there is a real God who loves them ? I didn 't know . But I sure wanted to find out the answer . A group of lamas ( men who serve Buddah ) met us at the door . They took me to my own room and offered to bring me much more than I ever needed or wanted . I had fresh water to wash myself , soft cushions to sit on , fancy dishes with the most delightful food ; I felt like a princess . I ate my meal then laid down for a rest before any expected duties . Before my eyes closed , two young men knocked on my door and asked me to go with them to a meeting . I walked in the hall a little ways they found Dr . Huang . " Gladys , I 'm glad I will be waling with you . Did you enjoy your meal ? They certainly have treated us well , wouldn 't you say ? " " Oh , yes . They have . " We followed the men through several courts and halls , rooms and larger courts . We stopped at the largest court of all . Five hundred lama priests sat in a semi circle with their hands folded together . I was surprised to see so many people . The young men took us to the front of the group . Dr . Huang and I sat like the men before us and waited for instructions . I Ieaned over to Dr . Huang , " What are we suppose to do ? " He waited another minute then looked back . " I guess its time to tell them about Jesus . " He told then the story of Jesus ' birth and then His death . When he finished , he looked at me again . " Sing another song . " Dr . Huang looked at me , shrugged and told another Bible story and I sang a song . I watched for anyone to say , " OK thanks for everything , now we can go . " But no one moved . I smiled at Dr . Huang and told another Bible story . We had shared God 's love more well over three hours . No one moved or spoke . I couldn 't understand . Were they sleeping ? I leaned over to Dr . Huang . " I 'm tired . I need to rest . " He nodded . " Then we will stop . " We stood and walked out of the hall . No one said anything . No one stopped us . Had anyone listened to the stories ? Later I learned that the lamas had a rule . They must sit still and not speak until the speaker left the room first . Good that Dr . Huang said we should leave ! We might have stayed in the great court all night ! Late that night , two men knocked on the door . Why would someone come to the door at a late hour ? Did I do something wrong ? Were they angry that a woman had come to the temple ? Were they upset that we told them about Jesus ? I didn 't know if I should open the door or not . If that wasn 't enough , the people from our city became sick , really sick , so sick many died . And not just the people from our city , but from whole territory around us ! We couldn 't figure out what caused the problem . I 'm thinking we shouldn 't have taken the Israelites ark and maybe their God is punishing us . No matter what medicines we gave to the sick people , they didn 't get better . The lords from our city must have thought the same thing , too . After a couple of days they met together and asked , " What should we do with the ark of the God of Israel ? It 's making our people sick and many are dieing . " They decided to send the ark southeast about ten miles to the Philistine city , Gath . I was chosen to help carry the ark . We set it up in the city where the priest said then left . Good , no more problems for us . A few days later a messenger came to our captain and reported the men from Gath had been struck with a great illness . Everyone , young and old , rich or poor became sick . No one escaped the plague . The captain called me to his office . " That ark of the God of Israel is causing more problems than the people of Israel . Go to Gath , get the Israelite ark of God , and take it to Ekron . The people of Gath cheered when we carried the ark of God away . We marched north only a few miles to Ekron . Citizens from Ekron formed a line and stood in our way shouting , " No ! You have brought the ark of the God of Israel to kill us and our people ! We won 't let you in . " They wouldn 't let us in the city at all . The other soldiers and I had to stand outside the city gate with the ark of God until a decision could be made . While we stood there , doing absolutely nothing , bored . . . bored . . . bored , the people of Ekron sent for all the Philistine lords . Even with the ark not inside the city , some men died , others became deathly sick . A few days later the lords arrived . The people of Ekron raised their fists and shouted , " Send away the ark of the God of Israel . Let it go back to its own place and its own people so it does not kill us . " Our army had stolen the ark of the God of Israel about seven months ago . It caused us nothing but trouble . If the lords asked me , I 'd say get rid of it . The lords decided five golden tumors and five golden rats . Five because there were five Philistine lords . Golden rats and tumors because that was the plague sent . " If we give glory to the God of Israel instead of ignoring Him like the Egyptians did , perhaps He will not punish us with many plagues like He did to them . " We made a new cart , hitched two milk cows who had never worn a yolk before , and took their calves away from them . Last , we set the ark on the cart along with the golden offerings . To make sure the sickness came from the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord , the lords thought of this test : if the cows returned the cart to the Israelite city by themselves instead of leaving the road to search for their calves then the Israelite Lord punished us . If the cows turn back to search for their calves or refuse to move then the sickness came for a different reason . We followed all the instructions the lords gave . Yolk milking cows , take calves away , put ark on cart with offereings and watch . I couldn 't believe my eyes . The cows went straight for the road to Beth Shemesh and kept walking along the highway crying with each step until they reached the Israeliteas city . What a great battle . We defeated the Israelites without any effort . I don 't know what they did to upset their God , but I do know we showed them . In fact , to teach them a lesson we took their ark of the covenant of their Lord to show we were stronger . The more gods in our temple , the better . I was chosen to help carry the Israelite ark back to our city , Ashdod , about twenty - five miles away . See , if we take the ark away from the Israelites , then they won 't have their God , we will . No way will the Israelites ever defeat us , now . They will be our slaves forever . When we reached Ashdod , my commander told us to put the ark of the covenant of God in our temple . We carried it to the door . One of the priests greeted us . " What have you there ? " The priest smiled . " Good then we will have double protection . Our god Dagon and now the Israelite 's ark . Set it over here next to Dagon . " I brushed my hands together and looked at our work . Yes , now we will always win . The next morning the priest ran to the commander . His eyes were wide , he babbled some words , the poor fellow was really upset . The commander sent us to the temple to help him . Inside the temple I saw what upset the priest . Our god , Dagon , had fallen . . . right in front of the ark of the covenant of the Lord . We stood there with our mouths wide open . How could Dagon have fallen ? It is solid and strong . We couldn 't figure it out . Well , a couple of us lifted Dagon back to it 's standing position , patted the priest on the shoulder to calm him , and left . The next morning the priest came running like a wild mad man . He waved his arms back and forth and chattered something about Dagon . A group of us dropped everything and ran to the temple with the priest . He took us into the meeting room and pointed . In front of our faces - - our shocked - heart stopping faces - - was Dagon fallen on its face to the ground , right before the ark of the Lord . The head of Dagon and both the palms of its hands were broken off and had landed on the threshold . Only Dagon 's torso was left together . How did the Israelite 's ark of the covenant of the Lord do that ? I don 't want to go near that ark again . The Israelite God is too powerful for me . No Philistine ever stepped foot on the temple threshold again , for fear of being killed . God has unusual ways of convincing us He is in charge . . . and His way is the best . I am reminded of a man who tried to run away from God . He bought a ticket to sail far away . During a storm the man was thrown overboard and swallowed by a great fish . After three days the man changed his mind and decided to obey God . At that point , God had the fish spit him out on the shore and the man went where God told Him to go . Oh , I could tell hundreds of stories like that . God loves the world so much He will do the very thing we don 't expect to get our attention . And I am no exception . One day , a doctor who took care of my medical problems and I left a Chinese village located deep in the mountains to tell other people about God . Dr . Huang and I prayed , asking God to bring people to our path to tell them the Gospel . Villagers from the last village said we wouldn 't see anyone . That no one live further up the mountain trail past theri village . But God showed us many people along the way . After nine days , though , we didn 't see anyone else walking the path . At the end of the day we had both grown hungry and really wanted to sleep in a bed . The problem : no people , no homes , no villages . I couldn 't understand . Someone had to live there . The doctor and I sat at the side of the road to pray . I prayed for food and a place to sleep . The doctor prayed for someone to come our way who needed to hear about God 's love . After praying we sat and waited , and waited , and waited . We sang praises to God that echoed wonderfully in the mountains and certainly made my voice sound much better than it was ! To my surprise , as we finished a song the doctor looked behind us , stood , then ran toward the mountain path . He shouted , " Look , there is the man we prayed for ! " I didn 't feel well enough to climb the rocks with the doctor , so I sat and waited for him to come back . Dr . Huang returned a few minutes later and said " Gladys , guess what ? The man invited us to supper and will give us a place to sleep . " The food and bed sounded good , but I didn 't look forward to the climb up the steep mountain path . The man seemed excited for us to visit . He and the doctor helped me climb to the top of the mountain . He led us to a temple where lamas ( men who devote their lives to worshipping Buddah ) lived . " Gladys , he and the others who lived in the temple wanted to hear the ones who sang the songs to God . That is us ! We can 't say no now that I 've already said yes . Come , Gladys , I will help you . " I had to admit , I had never shared the Gospel in a Lamasery before . I 've never stepped inside of one either . I felt nervous and awkward about telling lamas about Christ . Can you imagine ? A person like me who had told rioting prisoners , soldiers , men , women , children , government officials and anyone else who came my way about Christ felt nervous about sharing the Gospel . Well , I 'm sorry to say . . . I did . The Israelites armed ourselves to battle the Philistines again . We camped near Ebenezer and to the west , not far from the sea . The Philistines camped in Aphek . Since we were on higher ground we could see their army . Their strong army . The Philistines showed no fear for the battle . They did not run around as if afraid . Instead they followed typical army procedures by putting themselves in battle array . I must admit , I didn 't know how we could defeat them . The signal sounded to battle . Our men fought as best they could against the mighty Philistines . I did not sense God 's presence with our army . We made mistakes , stepped left when we should have stepped right . At the end of the day , the Philistines soundly defeated us . We lost four thousand men in the field . Those who survived returned to the camp to report our loses to the Israelite elders . The elders shook their heads . " I don 't understand , " said one . " Why has the Lord defeated us before the Philistines , the people he told us to conquer ? " Another one said , " We need to brig the ark of the covenant of the Lord from Shiloh here . Maybe then the very presence of the covenant of the Lord will save us from the hand of our enemies . " The others agreed . They sent a group of men to Shiloh to bring the ark . When they returned , Hophni and Phinehas , sons of the high priest , Eli also escorted the ark . Seeing the ark approach our camp made all the men cheer . We shouted , we cheered loud and strong , for with the ark of the covenant of the Lord present we would surely win . The Philistines stood together and looked our way . Yes . Now they would be afraid , as they should . They ran around their camp bumping into each other until someone called them together , probably their captain . He raised his arm and then pointed to our army . He probably gave them the " come on we can do it " speech . Hah . It won 't work this time ! This time you will be our servants . The battle resumed a little later . Once again , we couldn 't fight as we had been trained . In my heart , I could not feel God 's presence with our army . The Philistines fought with strength and great power killings thirty thousand foot soldiers . They pressed forward into the camp and captured the ark of the covenant of the Lord . My heart pounded into my head . I could hardly speak . The wicked Philistines captured the ark of the covenant of the Lord and killed Hophni and Phinehas . The elders sent me back to tell Eli , the high priest to report the sad news . . I found Eli sitting on a seat watching for a report . He couldn 't see well since he was ninety eight years old . As I walked near him he eyes were wide and his hands trembled . " Tell me , " his voice trembled . " Tell me why the city cries out with sorrow . " I bowed before him . " I came from the battlefield , fleeing the battle line as many others . " In the last story , God spoke to young Samuel . In the message He said He would punish the house of Eli . Why did God punish them ? Posted by Last night I heard someone call my name . It was weird because Eli had never called me after I went to bed . I hugged my favorite toy , ran to his bed and asked him what he needed . He said he didn 't call me and told me to go back to bed . Now that was really weird I went back to bed but I heard my name called two more times in that night . Each time I ran to Eli 's bed to ask what he needed ; I 'm glad he didn 't get angry for me waking him . The third time , Eli said , " If the Lord calls you , say ' Speak Lord for Your servant hears . ' " I walked slower back to my bed . This time I looked in the other rooms in the Temple except the ones I wasn 't allowed to go in , like the Holy of Holies . I didn 't see anyone . Eli said he thought the Lord had called to me . I 'm just a kid . Why would God speak to me ? I went back to my room and climbed under the blankets and hugged my toy . I didn 't think I would be able to go to sleep but I must have because my eyes popped open when the voice spoke to me again . " Samuel ! Samuel ! " The Lord is calling me . I need to say the words Eli told me to say . I cleared my throat and sat up . " Speak to me Lord , I am you servant and I 'm listening . " I looked around the room and didn 't see anything , yet I could hear the Voice . " Samuel , I am going to do something in Israel which will make the ears of everyone who hears tingle . On that day I will do everything to the house of Eli that I said I would do from the beginning to the end . " I gave Eli a chance and have waited for him to remove his sons from their Temple duties or stop them in some other way . The time has come for Me to wait no longer . I will punish His house and will not accept any sacrifice from them . " The message scared me . I didn 't want to tell Eli . I lay down in my bed but couldn 't go back to sleep . When the sun first rose I got up to do my morning chores . I opened the doors of the house of the Lord then did my other chores . Eli came into the room where I worked . " Samuel , my son , I 've been looking for you . Tell me , what did the Lord say to you ? " Eli stepped closer and set his hand on my shoulder . " Now , there , my son . Don 't worry . Please don 't hide any of the words from me . " I looked up at his wrinkled face . I didn 't want to hurt him , but I wanted to obey . I told him every work the Lord spoke to me then looked at the ground again and sighed . Eli reached out his hand and lifted my chin until I could see his eyes . " It is the Lord 's will . Let Him do what seems good to Him . " Eli walked away with slow sad - like steps . I 've thought about Eli 's answer that day for a long time . Even though he didn 't do something right , he understood when God said he needed to be punished , and he honored God with his answer . I wonder , though , why Eli didn 't punish his sons even after he heard God 's message . I never knew how God would show me which direction to go in next . I have been surprised many times , like the one I will tell you about today . But this I know . I wouldn 't have changed God 's plan for any other adventure in the world . . I became ill with typhoid and pneumonia during the the journey across the mountains with the one hundred children . Yes , I became quite sick and never fully recovered . But now that I think about my missionary work after I became sick , I see God 's plan . My illness played a great role . One day I was asked to teach a class to college students attending a week long conference . What a great idea ! I could enjoy teaching . I gladly agreed but before my appointed time I became too sick to teach and ended up spending the week in bed in the conference housing . Seemed like a confusing plan from God , right ? Well yes until - - In the next room I heard a group of students mumbling . I put on my robe and walked to their door . Fifteen students were crowded around a map and praying . When one student finished praying the next student closed his eyes and put his finger on the map . The group of students prayed for the people in that city or village for about thirty minutes then a different student closed his eyes and pointed to the map . " No , " one answered . " We would go ourselves but we don 't have the money or anything else we need to go . The best we can do is pray . " On the last day of the conference I finally felt better . Each day I had thought about the fifteen students and their dedication to the small villages . I had prayed for them and listened to their prayers each night . I packed my belongings and went to the room where the fifteen students prayed . " God has led me to go to those villages and tell them about Jesus . " I don 't believe I 've seen a happier group of students in my life . The next day I left for the first village . I told each person I met about God and His love for them . I went into the villages and told Bible stories and taught God 's Word . I went from one village to the next , telling everyone I met about Jesus and what He did for them . Many days later a Christian woman told me I could go no further on the road . There were no more villages beyond hers . How could that be ? Surely someone lived in the mountain villages beyond that place . She said , " I 'm sorry , there aren 't " I stayed in her house a few days . Each day I felt a tugging in my heart to go beyond that village and tell anyone I met about Jesus . When the Christian people of the village realized I would not change my mind , they appointed someone to go with me for safety and to help tell people about Christ . Dr . Huang offered to go with me for five days but made me agree to return afterwards . I agreed . We left the next morning . As we walked we talked about the Bible . I soon realized that although Dr . Huang loved Jesus , he didn 't know the Bible stories and truths found in God 's Word . Every moment that no one was on the road I taught the doctor Bible stories . He was a feisty fellow . As I told the stories he 'd interrupt me and say I had the information wrong . He then said what he thought was right . I pulled out my Scriptures and showed him the page where he could read the story . We walked . He read . He sighed and said I was right . Then we talked about the story . When we finished , I told a new story . He again said I was wrong . I showed him the page . He read the story . We talked . Over and over . I found this a wonderful game . We met many people along the road who had never heard of Jesus . The more the doctor learned about the Bible stories , the more he shared with the people . Just imagine , we were the first ones to tell those precious souls about Christ . I wouldn 't want to do anything else . The five days promised turned into nine days . Each day we met people who had never heard about Christ and His love for them . I am so glad we walked on this road . Then the day came when we didn 't meet any one . We found no place to sleep and no food . We set our bags down and prayed . I don 't usually write a PS . but this time I will . I really wanted to teach the college class at that conference and was sad at the time my illness wouldn 't let me . If I had , I might not have noticed the fifteen students praying , and so on . Even when I think God is not letting me do something , He really is . The hour was late . I had stayed up to finish a few chores before going to bed , but perhaps I stayed up too late . I thought I would fall asleep while I walked to my room ! My eyes haven 't been quite what they use to be when I first served the Lord in the Temple . On my way to my bed I stubbed my toe . Oh , it hurt so much . I held my breath to keep from crying out because I didn 't want to wake the others . Needless to say , I went straight to bed . Little Samuel went to sleep hours ago . Poor kid . He not only did his work but also the work of my disobedient sons . Samuel has never complained , even though he has the right . I prayed a special blessing for the little guy when I checked on him . Sure enough I found him fast asleep . I think I fell asleep after my head touched the bed . I 'm not certain . But this I know : Samuel woke me . He shook my arm and said something like , " Here I am , you called me . " How can I call to him if I 'm sleeping ? What a silly kid . I blinked then rubbed my eyes . Maybe I imagined him there , or maybe I was dreaming . The more I blinked the more I saw of the little guy . I yawned then blinked twice more . " Little Samuel , I didn 't call you . Go back to bed . " He tipped his head and looked at me like I was crazy . Sometimes I think I am . But not this time . Samuel went back to bed and I went back to sleep . I think only one breath of time passed , although it may have been more when the little guy pulled on my arm again . " Here I am , you called me . " That was the moment I realized I would not be able to sleep much before morning . I took a deep breath and shook my head . " My dear son , Samuel . I did not call you . Please go back to bed . " He scratched his head and yawned . " Yes , Eli . " Off to bed he went , and off to sleep I hoped to stay - - until the sun popped into my window . I think I heard myself snore once before the little guy yanked on my sleeve . " Here I am , you called me . " He stood looking at me , waiting for a response . He smiled like always , ready , willing to do whatever I asked . The lad truly has been a gift from God . Yes , exactly . He is a gift from God ! That 's the answer . God is the one calling him , not me ! If the Lord had not brought young Samuel to live and train in the Temple , I think I would have gone crazy . Why , you ask ? Because my two sons Hophni and Phinehas cause trouble . I am an old man , ready to pass my job as chief priest on to my sons , but I can 't bring myself to consider either Hophni or Phinehas for the job . When the people bring their sacrifices to the Temple my sons steal from them and they lay around when they should be working . If God set a rule for the Temple my two sons have surely broken it . My heart aches , my anger boils , and well , I just don 't feel well . I have talked with my sons about the things they do wrong . Each time they laugh in my face and walk away . I don 't believe they have truly accept the Almighty as the true God . How I pray for them . How I wish they would change . But in all these years of their lives , neither one has given their dedication to the Almighty . All they do is find ways to mock God . I know , I know I should punish them . I - - can 't bring myself to carry out any punishment , though . Men from the city have reported the crimes my sons have done and how they mislead the people and teach them to sin against others . The people believe Hopni and Phinehas because they are my sons . I warned those two : the Lord will judge them for the wrong things they do . But for the sins they commit against the Lord and his Temple , no one can intercede for them . Did they listen to me . Noooooo One day when I sat in the Temple , an angel came to me dressed like a man . He wasn 't happy . He said , " Did I not clearly show Myself to Moses when he lived in Pharaoh 's house in Egypt ? Didn 't I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be My priest . Didn 't I give to your family line all the offerings made by fire for food ? " You have chosen to honor your sons more than Me , Eli , by making yourselves fat with the best of the offerings from My people . They should have been given to Me as an offering . " Those who honor Me I will honor , and those who despise Me , I will despise . Your sons Hophni and Phinehas will one day die , both of them and I will raise up a faithful priest who will do what is in My heart and mind . Anyone who is left in your house will bow to this faithful priest . " When he finished speaking , He left . I began to sweat and my heart thumped . I knew I should talk to my sons and punish them , but I didn 't . Instead I went back to my work hoping my sons would turn from their wicked ways . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1 . Who is the priest at this time ? 2 . What may Eli upset ? 3 . What did he do about it ? 4 . What did Eli do wrong ? 5 . Who visited Eli ? 6 . What did the visitor tell Eli ? 7 . Did Eli change ? Did his sons change ? 8 . What do you think will happen next ? Chu En returned home for a visit one year later . He had grown tall and still loved the Bible stories . He pulled me aside and said , " Ai - weh - dah , I want to go back to Yang Cheng to help the people . " I shook my head . " Oh , no , you mustn 't . Yang Cheng isn 't the same . You 'd be in great danger there . " " No . " He smiled . " I came home to tell you I must go to Yang Cheng . I can 't wait any longer . God is telling me to go . " He came close , gave me a hug then look straight into my eyes . " Will you ask God to give me a stethoscope to use there ? " He 'd made up his mind . I couldn 't stop him any longer . At least I could ask God to give him new pants and shoes which he truly needed along with my prayer for the stethoscope . Two weeks later God had not yet provided new shoes or pants for him . I thought about this as I walked down the village street . On my walk I saw a women . I greeted her . " Good morning , how are you ? " She invited me to her hut . As we talked I looked around at the few things she had . On a shelf I saw a box . " What 's in the box ? " She shrugged . " I don 't know . It belonged to a lady who visited my village long ago . She told us about Jesus . Days later Japanese soldiers came . Some villagers rushed her to a cave to hide from the soldiers . She never returned to my home for her box . " Yes , I was curious about the contents , very curious . " May I open the box ? " She took the box down from her shelf and handed it to me . Inside I found clothes , books , old food and a small case . What could possibly be in such a strange looking case ? I opened the latch , lifted the lid and gasped . A stethoscope ! A gift from God ! He sent it through a missionary who left it in this village woman 's home months ago and brought it here , not knowing - - not knowing it was needed . " Well , you do look like her , and you tell Bible stories like she did , so I guess that would be good . " I ran as fast as I could back to the house . " Chu En ! Chu En ! Look what God has given ! ! " His eyes grew wider than a saucer . " Really ? " He took the stethoscope and rubbed his hand along every inch . Only God could have sent such a gift to a small village in the mountains . Chu En reached down and hugged me . " Now , Mother , do you believe God wants me to go to Yang Cheng ? " What could I say ? " Yes , Chu En . I believe you must go . " Two years later I met a man who spoke like someone from Yang Cheng . " Can you tell me about Jesus ? " he said . I 'm proud because baby Samuel grew into a fine young boy these last three years . He talked , and amazingly enough he listened . He will serve God well . I 'm sad because he won 't be at my side everyday . I helped Samuel get dressed for the journey . " Today we will go to the Temple . " He giggled and danced around the room shouting " Yippee . Can I ride the donkey ? " We left our home in Ramah and took Samuel along with gifts for the Lord . I had missed the last three celebrations to stay home and take care of Samuel . We walked to Shiloh for the annual visit to the Temple and found a place in the crowd to eat our meal before going into worship . Elkanah went to his place in the Temple and I took little Samuel to mine . I held his little hand and walked up the stairs . Inside the room , I searched for Eli , the priest , the same one who saw me pray three years ago . I wanted to show him God had answered my prayer . Eli sat in a special chair off to the side . " Come Samuel . This is the man I told you about . " Samuel stayed close to my leg as we walked closer . I bowed before Eli , little Samuel copied me . " My Lord . I have come to show you how God answered prayer . I am the woman who stood by you , here in this room three years ago . I had prayed for a child . The Lord granted me my petition and gave me this son . " My heart rejoices in the Lord ; I smile at my enemies because I rejoice in Your salvation . No one is holy like the Lord , there is none besides You . Nor is there any rock like our GodDon 't talk proudly , for the Lord is the God of knowledge ; and by Him actions are weighed . The bows of mighty men are broken , Those who stumbled are held up with strengthThe Lord kills and makes alive ; He makes poor and rich , He brings low and lifts upHe raises poor from the dust to set them among princes and makes them inherit the throne of glory . He will guard the feet of His saints but the wicked shall be silent in darknessBy strength no man shall prevail . The enemies of the Lord shall be broken . The Lord will judge . He will give strength to His king and exalt His anointed I hugged and kissed little Samuel and told him I would bring him a gift the next time I saw him . He smiled . My sweet little Samuel smiled . Thank you God for my son , Samuel . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1 . What promise did Hannah make to God ? 2 . Where did Elkanah and Hannah go ? 3 . What did they take ? 4 . What did Hannah do when she reached the Temple ? 5 . What did she say to Eli ? 6 . What did Hannah do ? 7 . Why did Hannah feel happy ? 8 . What did you learn from this story ? Oh , look . He moved his hand . He opened his fist to let us see his tiny fingers . Excuse me , I must pick him up . " Hannah , Hannah , where are you ? " I hugged my little baby . " Not yet . I can 't take Samuel until he can walk . The priest need to be able to take care of him . No , not yet . Baby Samuel needs to stand tall when he appears before the Lord . " Elkanah nodded and pointed his eyebrows down . " Do what you think is best ; You can wait until Samuel is able to walk and stand before the Lord . But , remember , you promised you would give him to the Lord . " Baby Samuel stretched then yawned . His little heart beat like raindrops patting against the tent . " Just think , Samuel , some day you will do great things for the Lord . " I hugged him close . His soft breath tickled my neck . It seemed only days before Samuel could sit . He chewed on his fingers and anything else he could shove in his mouth . Poor baby cried when his teeth broke through his gums . Most of the time baby Samuel giggled and explored . He laughed when his older cousins tickled him . Sometimes , while standing at my cooking pot , I 'd watch him staring at the other children and wonder what he was thinking . His eyes moved with the children 's movements . He seemed to study their moves then try to imitate them . He seemed to care about others around him . Soon Samuel took a first step then many more . He toddled a few steps and fell , picked himself up and toddled some more . I had to keep any dangerous objects away from him - - what a curious little boy . Feasts and celebrations past . Samuel learned to run after the other children and join in some of their games . He could stand tall and speak words . And the questions ! Every wakening second he either asked a question or furrowed his brow as he thought about an answer . At this time , God let me know Samuel could go to the Temple to serve him . I packed a few of his things , the needed gifts for the priest and walked with Elkanah to the Temple . You might ask , did I feel sad ? Did I cry ? Well , only as a proud mother would . God gave this little boy to our nation to serve Him . Sure I will miss him , but I also know young Samuel will be here at the Temple serving the Almighty God . Welcome . I am a writer and speaker . My works include suspense / mystery young adult works and articles published in Children 's periodicals , book reviews in library journals ; three completed YA manuscripts . I have an MA in Guidance and Counseling , am a certified elementary teacher , a BRE from a Bible College , have been a case worker and camp counselor for the homeless , neglected , and abused . Email : maryveewriter @ gmail . com By Mary Vee Exodus 25 - 31 My name is Moses . In recent days , I 've been to the top of Mount Sinai several times to speak with God . H . . . All giveaways on this site are provided by either the author of this blog , or visiting guests . Giveaways are open to U . S . residents only unless otherwise noted on the post . God Loves Kids contributors or their immediate family are not eligible to enter . Giveaways are void where prohibited and the chances of winning are dependent on the number of entries . Winners are drawn from a third party , unbiased source , such as Random . org . Winners will have up to a week unless otherwise noted , to return contact to be eligible to accept their prize . Thank you for coming by God Loves Kids to enter . |
God didn 't need our help to solve the problem . He punished each Philistine city that had housed the ark with a plague and disease . After many of their people died , the Philistine lords met together and decided to send the ark back to us . They set the ark on a cart , included golden offerings for God , and let milkcows deliver the Ark of the Lord to Beth Shemesh . The Israelites ran from the fields and cheered when they saw the ark coming to their city . They offered sacrifices to God in celebration . But some of the people from the city did not show God respect . One day , while the Ark of God sat at Beth Shemesh , a few of the townspeople became curious . They wanted to take a look inside the ark . They didn 't ask permission from God or a priest or a prophet . They simply wanted to look inside , and they did . A few people crept to the Ark of God , when no one was looking , lifted the lid and looked inside . I don 't know if they were surprised , happy , or pleased , but I do know God didn 't like it . They told their friends what they had done . That night a few more crept to the Ark of God , made sure no one was looking then peeked inside . They told their friends who told their friends and soon seventy people had sneaked to the Ark of God without permission to look inside . That night the people who looked inside the ark became sick . No medicines could help them . They all died . The people from Beth Shemesh cried when they found God had punished the seventy people . They called the Israelites from the next village , Kiriath Jearim , to take the ark away . Like the Philistines , the people of Beth Shemesh didn 't realize the importance of the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord . God gave Moses many rules for worship and the care for the pieces belonging in the Temple . The most important piece was the Ark of the Lord . I was thinking about the time when Moses asked God to see Him . God said no man could see His face and survive because it would be too much for our human bodies . But , God made a way . He had Moses stand in a cleft of a rock , where he would have stone to his left , to his right , behind him , above him , and below his feet . God placed his hand over the opening then allowed his back to pass by the rock . Moses saw a glimps of God 's glory . God granted Moses request because he asked and because Moses obeyed and loved Him . The young man who found us on the road and guided us to the temple grounds spoke with a kind voice . But a kind voice doesn 't always mean the person is kind or he is taking us to a safe place . I felt very nervous about going inside the gate . He led Dr . Huang and me inside the grounds then signaled the gatekeeper to close the gate . I couldn 't help but wonder if I would be a prisoner , trapped in this place far away from anything . No one would hear my cry for help . My heart raced with " what if this " and " what if that 's " . . . until the young man stopped walking and turned to me . He said , " We have waited so very long - - . " I didn 't know what he meant . I bowed and waited for him to finish . He took a breath and closed his eyes for a long moment . " I and all those in the Lamasery want to hear about the God who loves . " I didn 't know what to say . These men devoted their lives to worship a god that was not real . They lived everyday with strict rules ordered by their religion . How did the men living behind these walls , far away from any village discover there is a real God who loves them ? I didn 't know . But I sure wanted to find out the answer . A group of lamas ( men who serve Buddah ) met us at the door . They took me to my own room and offered to bring me much more than I ever needed or wanted . I had fresh water to wash myself , soft cushions to sit on , fancy dishes with the most delightful food ; I felt like a princess . I ate my meal then laid down for a rest before any expected duties . Before my eyes closed , two young men knocked on my door and asked me to go with them to a meeting . I walked in the hall a little ways they found Dr . Huang . " Gladys , I 'm glad I will be waling with you . Did you enjoy your meal ? They certainly have treated us well , wouldn 't you say ? " " Oh , yes . They have . " We followed the men through several courts and halls , rooms and larger courts . We stopped at the largest court of all . Five hundred lama priests sat in a semi circle with their hands folded together . I was surprised to see so many people . The young men took us to the front of the group . Dr . Huang and I sat like the men before us and waited for instructions . I Ieaned over to Dr . Huang , " What are we suppose to do ? " He waited another minute then looked back . " I guess its time to tell them about Jesus . " He told then the story of Jesus ' birth and then His death . When he finished , he looked at me again . " Sing another song . " Dr . Huang looked at me , shrugged and told another Bible story and I sang a song . I watched for anyone to say , " OK thanks for everything , now we can go . " But no one moved . I smiled at Dr . Huang and told another Bible story . We had shared God 's love more well over three hours . No one moved or spoke . I couldn 't understand . Were they sleeping ? I leaned over to Dr . Huang . " I 'm tired . I need to rest . " He nodded . " Then we will stop . " We stood and walked out of the hall . No one said anything . No one stopped us . Had anyone listened to the stories ? Later I learned that the lamas had a rule . They must sit still and not speak until the speaker left the room first . Good that Dr . Huang said we should leave ! We might have stayed in the great court all night ! Late that night , two men knocked on the door . Why would someone come to the door at a late hour ? Did I do something wrong ? Were they angry that a woman had come to the temple ? Were they upset that we told them about Jesus ? I didn 't know if I should open the door or not . If that wasn 't enough , the people from our city became sick , really sick , so sick many died . And not just the people from our city , but from whole territory around us ! We couldn 't figure out what caused the problem . I 'm thinking we shouldn 't have taken the Israelites ark and maybe their God is punishing us . No matter what medicines we gave to the sick people , they didn 't get better . The lords from our city must have thought the same thing , too . After a couple of days they met together and asked , " What should we do with the ark of the God of Israel ? It 's making our people sick and many are dieing . " They decided to send the ark southeast about ten miles to the Philistine city , Gath . I was chosen to help carry the ark . We set it up in the city where the priest said then left . Good , no more problems for us . A few days later a messenger came to our captain and reported the men from Gath had been struck with a great illness . Everyone , young and old , rich or poor became sick . No one escaped the plague . The captain called me to his office . " That ark of the God of Israel is causing more problems than the people of Israel . Go to Gath , get the Israelite ark of God , and take it to Ekron . The people of Gath cheered when we carried the ark of God away . We marched north only a few miles to Ekron . Citizens from Ekron formed a line and stood in our way shouting , " No ! You have brought the ark of the God of Israel to kill us and our people ! We won 't let you in . " They wouldn 't let us in the city at all . The other soldiers and I had to stand outside the city gate with the ark of God until a decision could be made . While we stood there , doing absolutely nothing , bored . . . bored . . . bored , the people of Ekron sent for all the Philistine lords . Even with the ark not inside the city , some men died , others became deathly sick . A few days later the lords arrived . The people of Ekron raised their fists and shouted , " Send away the ark of the God of Israel . Let it go back to its own place and its own people so it does not kill us . " Our army had stolen the ark of the God of Israel about seven months ago . It caused us nothing but trouble . If the lords asked me , I 'd say get rid of it . The lords decided five golden tumors and five golden rats . Five because there were five Philistine lords . Golden rats and tumors because that was the plague sent . " If we give glory to the God of Israel instead of ignoring Him like the Egyptians did , perhaps He will not punish us with many plagues like He did to them . " We made a new cart , hitched two milk cows who had never worn a yolk before , and took their calves away from them . Last , we set the ark on the cart along with the golden offerings . To make sure the sickness came from the Ark of the Covenant of the Lord , the lords thought of this test : if the cows returned the cart to the Israelite city by themselves instead of leaving the road to search for their calves then the Israelite Lord punished us . If the cows turn back to search for their calves or refuse to move then the sickness came for a different reason . We followed all the instructions the lords gave . Yolk milking cows , take calves away , put ark on cart with offereings and watch . I couldn 't believe my eyes . The cows went straight for the road to Beth Shemesh and kept walking along the highway crying with each step until they reached the Israeliteas city . What a great battle . We defeated the Israelites without any effort . I don 't know what they did to upset their God , but I do know we showed them . In fact , to teach them a lesson we took their ark of the covenant of their Lord to show we were stronger . The more gods in our temple , the better . I was chosen to help carry the Israelite ark back to our city , Ashdod , about twenty - five miles away . See , if we take the ark away from the Israelites , then they won 't have their God , we will . No way will the Israelites ever defeat us , now . They will be our slaves forever . When we reached Ashdod , my commander told us to put the ark of the covenant of God in our temple . We carried it to the door . One of the priests greeted us . " What have you there ? " The priest smiled . " Good then we will have double protection . Our god Dagon and now the Israelite 's ark . Set it over here next to Dagon . " I brushed my hands together and looked at our work . Yes , now we will always win . The next morning the priest ran to the commander . His eyes were wide , he babbled some words , the poor fellow was really upset . The commander sent us to the temple to help him . Inside the temple I saw what upset the priest . Our god , Dagon , had fallen . . . right in front of the ark of the covenant of the Lord . We stood there with our mouths wide open . How could Dagon have fallen ? It is solid and strong . We couldn 't figure it out . Well , a couple of us lifted Dagon back to it 's standing position , patted the priest on the shoulder to calm him , and left . The next morning the priest came running like a wild mad man . He waved his arms back and forth and chattered something about Dagon . A group of us dropped everything and ran to the temple with the priest . He took us into the meeting room and pointed . In front of our faces - - our shocked - heart stopping faces - - was Dagon fallen on its face to the ground , right before the ark of the Lord . The head of Dagon and both the palms of its hands were broken off and had landed on the threshold . Only Dagon 's torso was left together . How did the Israelite 's ark of the covenant of the Lord do that ? I don 't want to go near that ark again . The Israelite God is too powerful for me . No Philistine ever stepped foot on the temple threshold again , for fear of being killed . God has unusual ways of convincing us He is in charge . . . and His way is the best . I am reminded of a man who tried to run away from God . He bought a ticket to sail far away . During a storm the man was thrown overboard and swallowed by a great fish . After three days the man changed his mind and decided to obey God . At that point , God had the fish spit him out on the shore and the man went where God told Him to go . Oh , I could tell hundreds of stories like that . God loves the world so much He will do the very thing we don 't expect to get our attention . And I am no exception . One day , a doctor who took care of my medical problems and I left a Chinese village located deep in the mountains to tell other people about God . Dr . Huang and I prayed , asking God to bring people to our path to tell them the Gospel . Villagers from the last village said we wouldn 't see anyone . That no one live further up the mountain trail past theri village . But God showed us many people along the way . After nine days , though , we didn 't see anyone else walking the path . At the end of the day we had both grown hungry and really wanted to sleep in a bed . The problem : no people , no homes , no villages . I couldn 't understand . Someone had to live there . The doctor and I sat at the side of the road to pray . I prayed for food and a place to sleep . The doctor prayed for someone to come our way who needed to hear about God 's love . After praying we sat and waited , and waited , and waited . We sang praises to God that echoed wonderfully in the mountains and certainly made my voice sound much better than it was ! To my surprise , as we finished a song the doctor looked behind us , stood , then ran toward the mountain path . He shouted , " Look , there is the man we prayed for ! " I didn 't feel well enough to climb the rocks with the doctor , so I sat and waited for him to come back . Dr . Huang returned a few minutes later and said " Gladys , guess what ? The man invited us to supper and will give us a place to sleep . " The food and bed sounded good , but I didn 't look forward to the climb up the steep mountain path . The man seemed excited for us to visit . He and the doctor helped me climb to the top of the mountain . He led us to a temple where lamas ( men who devote their lives to worshipping Buddah ) lived . " Gladys , he and the others who lived in the temple wanted to hear the ones who sang the songs to God . That is us ! We can 't say no now that I 've already said yes . Come , Gladys , I will help you . " I had to admit , I had never shared the Gospel in a Lamasery before . I 've never stepped inside of one either . I felt nervous and awkward about telling lamas about Christ . Can you imagine ? A person like me who had told rioting prisoners , soldiers , men , women , children , government officials and anyone else who came my way about Christ felt nervous about sharing the Gospel . Well , I 'm sorry to say . . . I did . The Israelites armed ourselves to battle the Philistines again . We camped near Ebenezer and to the west , not far from the sea . The Philistines camped in Aphek . Since we were on higher ground we could see their army . Their strong army . The Philistines showed no fear for the battle . They did not run around as if afraid . Instead they followed typical army procedures by putting themselves in battle array . I must admit , I didn 't know how we could defeat them . The signal sounded to battle . Our men fought as best they could against the mighty Philistines . I did not sense God 's presence with our army . We made mistakes , stepped left when we should have stepped right . At the end of the day , the Philistines soundly defeated us . We lost four thousand men in the field . Those who survived returned to the camp to report our loses to the Israelite elders . The elders shook their heads . " I don 't understand , " said one . " Why has the Lord defeated us before the Philistines , the people he told us to conquer ? " Another one said , " We need to brig the ark of the covenant of the Lord from Shiloh here . Maybe then the very presence of the covenant of the Lord will save us from the hand of our enemies . " The others agreed . They sent a group of men to Shiloh to bring the ark . When they returned , Hophni and Phinehas , sons of the high priest , Eli also escorted the ark . Seeing the ark approach our camp made all the men cheer . We shouted , we cheered loud and strong , for with the ark of the covenant of the Lord present we would surely win . The Philistines stood together and looked our way . Yes . Now they would be afraid , as they should . They ran around their camp bumping into each other until someone called them together , probably their captain . He raised his arm and then pointed to our army . He probably gave them the " come on we can do it " speech . Hah . It won 't work this time ! This time you will be our servants . The battle resumed a little later . Once again , we couldn 't fight as we had been trained . In my heart , I could not feel God 's presence with our army . The Philistines fought with strength and great power killings thirty thousand foot soldiers . They pressed forward into the camp and captured the ark of the covenant of the Lord . My heart pounded into my head . I could hardly speak . The wicked Philistines captured the ark of the covenant of the Lord and killed Hophni and Phinehas . The elders sent me back to tell Eli , the high priest to report the sad news . . I found Eli sitting on a seat watching for a report . He couldn 't see well since he was ninety eight years old . As I walked near him he eyes were wide and his hands trembled . " Tell me , " his voice trembled . " Tell me why the city cries out with sorrow . " I bowed before him . " I came from the battlefield , fleeing the battle line as many others . " In the last story , God spoke to young Samuel . In the message He said He would punish the house of Eli . Why did God punish them ? Posted by Last night I heard someone call my name . It was weird because Eli had never called me after I went to bed . I hugged my favorite toy , ran to his bed and asked him what he needed . He said he didn 't call me and told me to go back to bed . Now that was really weird I went back to bed but I heard my name called two more times in that night . Each time I ran to Eli 's bed to ask what he needed ; I 'm glad he didn 't get angry for me waking him . The third time , Eli said , " If the Lord calls you , say ' Speak Lord for Your servant hears . ' " I walked slower back to my bed . This time I looked in the other rooms in the Temple except the ones I wasn 't allowed to go in , like the Holy of Holies . I didn 't see anyone . Eli said he thought the Lord had called to me . I 'm just a kid . Why would God speak to me ? I went back to my room and climbed under the blankets and hugged my toy . I didn 't think I would be able to go to sleep but I must have because my eyes popped open when the voice spoke to me again . " Samuel ! Samuel ! " The Lord is calling me . I need to say the words Eli told me to say . I cleared my throat and sat up . " Speak to me Lord , I am you servant and I 'm listening . " I looked around the room and didn 't see anything , yet I could hear the Voice . " Samuel , I am going to do something in Israel which will make the ears of everyone who hears tingle . On that day I will do everything to the house of Eli that I said I would do from the beginning to the end . " I gave Eli a chance and have waited for him to remove his sons from their Temple duties or stop them in some other way . The time has come for Me to wait no longer . I will punish His house and will not accept any sacrifice from them . " The message scared me . I didn 't want to tell Eli . I lay down in my bed but couldn 't go back to sleep . When the sun first rose I got up to do my morning chores . I opened the doors of the house of the Lord then did my other chores . Eli came into the room where I worked . " Samuel , my son , I 've been looking for you . Tell me , what did the Lord say to you ? " Eli stepped closer and set his hand on my shoulder . " Now , there , my son . Don 't worry . Please don 't hide any of the words from me . " I looked up at his wrinkled face . I didn 't want to hurt him , but I wanted to obey . I told him every work the Lord spoke to me then looked at the ground again and sighed . Eli reached out his hand and lifted my chin until I could see his eyes . " It is the Lord 's will . Let Him do what seems good to Him . " Eli walked away with slow sad - like steps . I 've thought about Eli 's answer that day for a long time . Even though he didn 't do something right , he understood when God said he needed to be punished , and he honored God with his answer . I wonder , though , why Eli didn 't punish his sons even after he heard God 's message . I never knew how God would show me which direction to go in next . I have been surprised many times , like the one I will tell you about today . But this I know . I wouldn 't have changed God 's plan for any other adventure in the world . . I became ill with typhoid and pneumonia during the the journey across the mountains with the one hundred children . Yes , I became quite sick and never fully recovered . But now that I think about my missionary work after I became sick , I see God 's plan . My illness played a great role . One day I was asked to teach a class to college students attending a week long conference . What a great idea ! I could enjoy teaching . I gladly agreed but before my appointed time I became too sick to teach and ended up spending the week in bed in the conference housing . Seemed like a confusing plan from God , right ? Well yes until - - In the next room I heard a group of students mumbling . I put on my robe and walked to their door . Fifteen students were crowded around a map and praying . When one student finished praying the next student closed his eyes and put his finger on the map . The group of students prayed for the people in that city or village for about thirty minutes then a different student closed his eyes and pointed to the map . " No , " one answered . " We would go ourselves but we don 't have the money or anything else we need to go . The best we can do is pray . " On the last day of the conference I finally felt better . Each day I had thought about the fifteen students and their dedication to the small villages . I had prayed for them and listened to their prayers each night . I packed my belongings and went to the room where the fifteen students prayed . " God has led me to go to those villages and tell them about Jesus . " I don 't believe I 've seen a happier group of students in my life . The next day I left for the first village . I told each person I met about God and His love for them . I went into the villages and told Bible stories and taught God 's Word . I went from one village to the next , telling everyone I met about Jesus and what He did for them . Many days later a Christian woman told me I could go no further on the road . There were no more villages beyond hers . How could that be ? Surely someone lived in the mountain villages beyond that place . She said , " I 'm sorry , there aren 't " I stayed in her house a few days . Each day I felt a tugging in my heart to go beyond that village and tell anyone I met about Jesus . When the Christian people of the village realized I would not change my mind , they appointed someone to go with me for safety and to help tell people about Christ . Dr . Huang offered to go with me for five days but made me agree to return afterwards . I agreed . We left the next morning . As we walked we talked about the Bible . I soon realized that although Dr . Huang loved Jesus , he didn 't know the Bible stories and truths found in God 's Word . Every moment that no one was on the road I taught the doctor Bible stories . He was a feisty fellow . As I told the stories he 'd interrupt me and say I had the information wrong . He then said what he thought was right . I pulled out my Scriptures and showed him the page where he could read the story . We walked . He read . He sighed and said I was right . Then we talked about the story . When we finished , I told a new story . He again said I was wrong . I showed him the page . He read the story . We talked . Over and over . I found this a wonderful game . We met many people along the road who had never heard of Jesus . The more the doctor learned about the Bible stories , the more he shared with the people . Just imagine , we were the first ones to tell those precious souls about Christ . I wouldn 't want to do anything else . The five days promised turned into nine days . Each day we met people who had never heard about Christ and His love for them . I am so glad we walked on this road . Then the day came when we didn 't meet any one . We found no place to sleep and no food . We set our bags down and prayed . I don 't usually write a PS . but this time I will . I really wanted to teach the college class at that conference and was sad at the time my illness wouldn 't let me . If I had , I might not have noticed the fifteen students praying , and so on . Even when I think God is not letting me do something , He really is . The hour was late . I had stayed up to finish a few chores before going to bed , but perhaps I stayed up too late . I thought I would fall asleep while I walked to my room ! My eyes haven 't been quite what they use to be when I first served the Lord in the Temple . On my way to my bed I stubbed my toe . Oh , it hurt so much . I held my breath to keep from crying out because I didn 't want to wake the others . Needless to say , I went straight to bed . Little Samuel went to sleep hours ago . Poor kid . He not only did his work but also the work of my disobedient sons . Samuel has never complained , even though he has the right . I prayed a special blessing for the little guy when I checked on him . Sure enough I found him fast asleep . I think I fell asleep after my head touched the bed . I 'm not certain . But this I know : Samuel woke me . He shook my arm and said something like , " Here I am , you called me . " How can I call to him if I 'm sleeping ? What a silly kid . I blinked then rubbed my eyes . Maybe I imagined him there , or maybe I was dreaming . The more I blinked the more I saw of the little guy . I yawned then blinked twice more . " Little Samuel , I didn 't call you . Go back to bed . " He tipped his head and looked at me like I was crazy . Sometimes I think I am . But not this time . Samuel went back to bed and I went back to sleep . I think only one breath of time passed , although it may have been more when the little guy pulled on my arm again . " Here I am , you called me . " That was the moment I realized I would not be able to sleep much before morning . I took a deep breath and shook my head . " My dear son , Samuel . I did not call you . Please go back to bed . " He scratched his head and yawned . " Yes , Eli . " Off to bed he went , and off to sleep I hoped to stay - - until the sun popped into my window . I think I heard myself snore once before the little guy yanked on my sleeve . " Here I am , you called me . " He stood looking at me , waiting for a response . He smiled like always , ready , willing to do whatever I asked . The lad truly has been a gift from God . Yes , exactly . He is a gift from God ! That 's the answer . God is the one calling him , not me ! If the Lord had not brought young Samuel to live and train in the Temple , I think I would have gone crazy . Why , you ask ? Because my two sons Hophni and Phinehas cause trouble . I am an old man , ready to pass my job as chief priest on to my sons , but I can 't bring myself to consider either Hophni or Phinehas for the job . When the people bring their sacrifices to the Temple my sons steal from them and they lay around when they should be working . If God set a rule for the Temple my two sons have surely broken it . My heart aches , my anger boils , and well , I just don 't feel well . I have talked with my sons about the things they do wrong . Each time they laugh in my face and walk away . I don 't believe they have truly accept the Almighty as the true God . How I pray for them . How I wish they would change . But in all these years of their lives , neither one has given their dedication to the Almighty . All they do is find ways to mock God . I know , I know I should punish them . I - - can 't bring myself to carry out any punishment , though . Men from the city have reported the crimes my sons have done and how they mislead the people and teach them to sin against others . The people believe Hopni and Phinehas because they are my sons . I warned those two : the Lord will judge them for the wrong things they do . But for the sins they commit against the Lord and his Temple , no one can intercede for them . Did they listen to me . Noooooo One day when I sat in the Temple , an angel came to me dressed like a man . He wasn 't happy . He said , " Did I not clearly show Myself to Moses when he lived in Pharaoh 's house in Egypt ? Didn 't I choose him out of all the tribes of Israel to be My priest . Didn 't I give to your family line all the offerings made by fire for food ? " You have chosen to honor your sons more than Me , Eli , by making yourselves fat with the best of the offerings from My people . They should have been given to Me as an offering . " Those who honor Me I will honor , and those who despise Me , I will despise . Your sons Hophni and Phinehas will one day die , both of them and I will raise up a faithful priest who will do what is in My heart and mind . Anyone who is left in your house will bow to this faithful priest . " When he finished speaking , He left . I began to sweat and my heart thumped . I knew I should talk to my sons and punish them , but I didn 't . Instead I went back to my work hoping my sons would turn from their wicked ways . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1 . Who is the priest at this time ? 2 . What may Eli upset ? 3 . What did he do about it ? 4 . What did Eli do wrong ? 5 . Who visited Eli ? 6 . What did the visitor tell Eli ? 7 . Did Eli change ? Did his sons change ? 8 . What do you think will happen next ? Chu En returned home for a visit one year later . He had grown tall and still loved the Bible stories . He pulled me aside and said , " Ai - weh - dah , I want to go back to Yang Cheng to help the people . " I shook my head . " Oh , no , you mustn 't . Yang Cheng isn 't the same . You 'd be in great danger there . " " No . " He smiled . " I came home to tell you I must go to Yang Cheng . I can 't wait any longer . God is telling me to go . " He came close , gave me a hug then look straight into my eyes . " Will you ask God to give me a stethoscope to use there ? " He 'd made up his mind . I couldn 't stop him any longer . At least I could ask God to give him new pants and shoes which he truly needed along with my prayer for the stethoscope . Two weeks later God had not yet provided new shoes or pants for him . I thought about this as I walked down the village street . On my walk I saw a women . I greeted her . " Good morning , how are you ? " She invited me to her hut . As we talked I looked around at the few things she had . On a shelf I saw a box . " What 's in the box ? " She shrugged . " I don 't know . It belonged to a lady who visited my village long ago . She told us about Jesus . Days later Japanese soldiers came . Some villagers rushed her to a cave to hide from the soldiers . She never returned to my home for her box . " Yes , I was curious about the contents , very curious . " May I open the box ? " She took the box down from her shelf and handed it to me . Inside I found clothes , books , old food and a small case . What could possibly be in such a strange looking case ? I opened the latch , lifted the lid and gasped . A stethoscope ! A gift from God ! He sent it through a missionary who left it in this village woman 's home months ago and brought it here , not knowing - - not knowing it was needed . " Well , you do look like her , and you tell Bible stories like she did , so I guess that would be good . " I ran as fast as I could back to the house . " Chu En ! Chu En ! Look what God has given ! ! " His eyes grew wider than a saucer . " Really ? " He took the stethoscope and rubbed his hand along every inch . Only God could have sent such a gift to a small village in the mountains . Chu En reached down and hugged me . " Now , Mother , do you believe God wants me to go to Yang Cheng ? " What could I say ? " Yes , Chu En . I believe you must go . " Two years later I met a man who spoke like someone from Yang Cheng . " Can you tell me about Jesus ? " he said . I 'm proud because baby Samuel grew into a fine young boy these last three years . He talked , and amazingly enough he listened . He will serve God well . I 'm sad because he won 't be at my side everyday . I helped Samuel get dressed for the journey . " Today we will go to the Temple . " He giggled and danced around the room shouting " Yippee . Can I ride the donkey ? " We left our home in Ramah and took Samuel along with gifts for the Lord . I had missed the last three celebrations to stay home and take care of Samuel . We walked to Shiloh for the annual visit to the Temple and found a place in the crowd to eat our meal before going into worship . Elkanah went to his place in the Temple and I took little Samuel to mine . I held his little hand and walked up the stairs . Inside the room , I searched for Eli , the priest , the same one who saw me pray three years ago . I wanted to show him God had answered my prayer . Eli sat in a special chair off to the side . " Come Samuel . This is the man I told you about . " Samuel stayed close to my leg as we walked closer . I bowed before Eli , little Samuel copied me . " My Lord . I have come to show you how God answered prayer . I am the woman who stood by you , here in this room three years ago . I had prayed for a child . The Lord granted me my petition and gave me this son . " My heart rejoices in the Lord ; I smile at my enemies because I rejoice in Your salvation . No one is holy like the Lord , there is none besides You . Nor is there any rock like our GodDon 't talk proudly , for the Lord is the God of knowledge ; and by Him actions are weighed . The bows of mighty men are broken , Those who stumbled are held up with strengthThe Lord kills and makes alive ; He makes poor and rich , He brings low and lifts upHe raises poor from the dust to set them among princes and makes them inherit the throne of glory . He will guard the feet of His saints but the wicked shall be silent in darknessBy strength no man shall prevail . The enemies of the Lord shall be broken . The Lord will judge . He will give strength to His king and exalt His anointed I hugged and kissed little Samuel and told him I would bring him a gift the next time I saw him . He smiled . My sweet little Samuel smiled . Thank you God for my son , Samuel . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 1 . What promise did Hannah make to God ? 2 . Where did Elkanah and Hannah go ? 3 . What did they take ? 4 . What did Hannah do when she reached the Temple ? 5 . What did she say to Eli ? 6 . What did Hannah do ? 7 . Why did Hannah feel happy ? 8 . What did you learn from this story ? Oh , look . He moved his hand . He opened his fist to let us see his tiny fingers . Excuse me , I must pick him up . " Hannah , Hannah , where are you ? " I hugged my little baby . " Not yet . I can 't take Samuel until he can walk . The priest need to be able to take care of him . No , not yet . Baby Samuel needs to stand tall when he appears before the Lord . " Elkanah nodded and pointed his eyebrows down . " Do what you think is best ; You can wait until Samuel is able to walk and stand before the Lord . But , remember , you promised you would give him to the Lord . " Baby Samuel stretched then yawned . His little heart beat like raindrops patting against the tent . " Just think , Samuel , some day you will do great things for the Lord . " I hugged him close . His soft breath tickled my neck . It seemed only days before Samuel could sit . He chewed on his fingers and anything else he could shove in his mouth . Poor baby cried when his teeth broke through his gums . Most of the time baby Samuel giggled and explored . He laughed when his older cousins tickled him . Sometimes , while standing at my cooking pot , I 'd watch him staring at the other children and wonder what he was thinking . His eyes moved with the children 's movements . He seemed to study their moves then try to imitate them . He seemed to care about others around him . Soon Samuel took a first step then many more . He toddled a few steps and fell , picked himself up and toddled some more . I had to keep any dangerous objects away from him - - what a curious little boy . Feasts and celebrations past . Samuel learned to run after the other children and join in some of their games . He could stand tall and speak words . And the questions ! Every wakening second he either asked a question or furrowed his brow as he thought about an answer . At this time , God let me know Samuel could go to the Temple to serve him . I packed a few of his things , the needed gifts for the priest and walked with Elkanah to the Temple . You might ask , did I feel sad ? Did I cry ? Well , only as a proud mother would . God gave this little boy to our nation to serve Him . Sure I will miss him , but I also know young Samuel will be here at the Temple serving the Almighty God . Welcome . I am a writer and speaker . My works include suspense / mystery young adult works and articles published in Children 's periodicals , book reviews in library journals ; three completed YA manuscripts . I have an MA in Guidance and Counseling , am a certified elementary teacher , a BRE from a Bible College , have been a case worker and camp counselor for the homeless , neglected , and abused . Email : maryveewriter @ gmail . com By Mary Vee Exodus 25 - 31 My name is Moses . In recent days , I 've been to the top of Mount Sinai several times to speak with God . H . . . All giveaways on this site are provided by either the author of this blog , or visiting guests . Giveaways are open to U . S . residents only unless otherwise noted on the post . God Loves Kids contributors or their immediate family are not eligible to enter . Giveaways are void where prohibited and the chances of winning are dependent on the number of entries . Winners are drawn from a third party , unbiased source , such as Random . org . Winners will have up to a week unless otherwise noted , to return contact to be eligible to accept their prize . Thank you for coming by God Loves Kids to enter . |
inspiring stories of love , optimism , courage , faith , friendship and a lot more . stories to motivate you and inspire you to become a better person than who you were yesterday . we also have funny stories to even out your experience . you can also submit your own inspiring story here ! On a Saturday night several weeks ago , this pastor was working late at Almighty God Tabernacle , his church , and decided to call his wife before he left for home . It was about 10 : 00 PM , but his wife didn 't answer the phone . The pastor let it ring many times . 0 An ass , belonging to an herb - seller who gave him too little food and too much work made a petition to Jupiter to be released from his present service and provided with another master . Jupiter , after warning him that he would repent his request , caused him to be sold to a tile - maker . Shortly afterwards , finding that he had heavier loads to carry and harder work in the brick - field , he petitioned for another change of master . 0 The Ants were spending a fine winter 's day drying grain collected in the summertime . A Grasshopper , perishing with famine , passed by and earnestly begged for a little food . The Ants inquired of him , " Why did you not treasure up food during the summer ? ' He replied , " I had not leisure enough . I passed the days in singing . " They then said in derision : " If you were foolish enough to sing all the summer , you must dance supperless to bed in the winter . " A man dies and goes to heaven . Of course , St . Peter meets him at the pearly gates . St . Peter says , " Here 's how it works . You need 100 points to make it into heaven . You tell me all the good things you 've done , and I give you a certain number of points for each item , depending on how good it was . When you reach 100 points , you get in . " We must wake up and be weary . Let us always focus our sight to God so that we might not sin . Well , if you enjoy sinning and disobeying God , Satan wrote a letter for you ! Read it clearly ! The brand new pastor and his wife , newly assigned to their first ministry , to reopen a church in urban Brooklyn , arrived in early October excited about their opportunities . When they saw their church , it was very run down and needed much work . 0 A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present . On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office , a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car , admiring it . " Is this your car , Mister ? " he asked . A small congregation in the foothills of the Great Smokies built a new sanctuary on a piece of land willed to them by a church member . Ten days before the new church was to open , the local building inspector informed the pastor that the parking lot was inadequate for the size of the building . Until the church doubled the size of the parking lot , they would not be able to use the new sanctuary . A little boy is telling his Grandma how " everything " is going wrong . School , family problems , severe health problems , etc . Meanwhile , Grandma is baking a cake . She asks the child if he would like a snack , which of course he does . Here 's a good spiritual story . The author is ( unknown ) but i hope you could tell me if you happen to know . May everyone be blessed with this one . After a few of the usual Sunday evening hymns , the church 's pastor once again slowly stood up , walked over to the pulpit , and gave a very brief introduction of his childhood friend . With that , an elderly man stepped up to the pulpit to speak , " A father , his son , and a friend of his son were sailing off the Pacific Coast , " he began , " when a fast approaching storm blocked any attempt to get back to shore . The waves were so high , that even though the father was an experienced sailor , he could not keep the boat upright , and the three were swept into the ocean . " The old man hesitated for a moment , making eye contact with two teenagers who were , for the first time since the service began , looking somewhat interested in his story . He continued , " Grabbing a rescue line , the father had to make the most excruciating decision of his life . . . . to which boy he would throw the other end of the line . He only had seconds to make the decision . The father knew that his son was a Christian , and he also knew that his son 's friend was not . The agony of his decision could not be matched by the torrent of waves . As the father yelled out , ' I love you , son ! ' he threw the line to his son 's friend . By the time he pulled the friend back to the capsized boat , his son had disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night . His body was never recovered . " By this time , the two teenagers were sitting straighter in the pew , waiting for the next words to come out of the old man 's mouth . " The father , " he continued , " knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus , and he could not bear the thought of his son 's friend stepping into an eternity without Jesus . Therefore , he sacrificed his son . How great is the love of God that He should do the same for us . " With that , the old man turned and sat back down in his chair as silence filled the room . Within minutes after the service ended , the two teenagers were at the old man 's side . " That was a nice story , " politely started one of the boys , " but I don 't think it was very realistic for a father to gi0 A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it ' was too crowded ' . " I can 't go to Sunday School , " she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by . Seeing her shabby , unkempt appearance , the pastor guessed the reason and , taking her by the hand , took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday School class . The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus . Some two years later , this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings and the parents called for the kindhearted pastor , who had befriended their daughter , to handle the final arrangements . As her poor little body was being moved , a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump . Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribbled in childish handwriting which read , " This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday school . " For two years she had saved for this offering of love . When the pastor tearfully read that note , he knew instantly what he would do . Carrying this note and the cracked , red pocketbook to the pulpit , he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion . He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building . But the story does not end there ! A newspaper learned of the story and published it . It was read by a realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands . When told that the church could not pay so much , he offered it for a 57 cents . Church members made large subscriptions . Checks came from far and wide . Within five years the little girl 's gift had increased to $ 250 , 000 . 00 , a huge sum for that time ( near the turn of the century ) . Her unselfish love had paid large dividends . When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3 , 300 , and Temple University , where hundreds of students are trained . Have a look , too , at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School 0 A great story guys , may everyone be blessed and be touched by this one . A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics , nine contestants , all physically or mentally disabled , assembled at the starting line for the 100 yard dash . At the gun , they all started out , not exactly in a dash , but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win . All , that is , except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt , tumbled over a couple of times and began to cry . The other eight heard the boy . They slowed down and looked back . They all turned around and went back . Every one of them . One girl with Down 's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said , " This will make it better . " All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together . Everyone in the stadium stood , and the cheering went on for several minutes . People who were there are still telling the story . Why ? Because deep down we know one thing . What matters most in this life is more than winning for ourselves . What truly matters in this life is helping others win , even if it means slowing down and changing our course . Next fall when you see geese heading south for the winter . . . flying along in V formation . . . you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way : As each bird flaps its wings , it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following . By flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71 % greater flying range , than if each bird flew on its own . People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another . When a goose falls out of formation , it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone . . . and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front . If we have as much sense as a goose , we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are . When the head goose gets tired it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point . It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs . . . with people or with geese flying south . Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed . What do we say when we honk from behind ? Finally . . . and this is important . . . when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshots , and falls out of formation , two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection . They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies , and only then do they launch out on their own , or with another formation to catch up with their group . If we have the sense of a goose , we will stand by each other like that . " Now I see why powerful people often wear sunglasses - the spotlight blinds them toreality . They suffer from a delusion that power means something ( it doesn 't ) . They suffer from the misconception that titles make a difference ( they don 't ) . They are under the impression that earthly authority will make a heavenly difference ( it won 't ) . Can I prove my point ? Take this quiz . Name the ten wealthiest people in the world . Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners . Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest . Name eight people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize . How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture or the last decade 's worth of World Series winners ? How did you do ? I didn 't do well either . With the exception of you trivia hounds , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday too well . Surprising how quickly we forget , isn 't it ? And what I 've mentioned above are nosecond - rate achievements . These are the best in their fields . But the applause dies . Awards tarnish . Achievements are forgotten . Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners . Here 's another quiz . See how you do on this one : Think of three people you enjoy spending time with . Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile . Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time . List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school . Name half - a - dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you . Easier ? It was for me , too . The lesson ? The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials , but the ones with the concern . " This is a famous story specially in Christian Communities . This has inspired many people already all throughout the globe . Actually the author is already untraceable but as far as I know , a Filipino wrote this story when he thought that all was lost in his life , having struck with a great tragedy , he asked God why such tragedy befall on him , and it was then that God talk to him by inspiring him to write a story . Years later , another person added music to the words and thus more and more people got blessed with it . If you happen to know this song , sing to it while reading the story . If you don 't , good thing , may God bless everyone who read this . Last night I had a dream . I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord . Across the sky flashed scenes from my life . For each scene , I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand : one belonged to me , the other to the Lord . After the last scene of my life flashed before me , I looked back at the footprints in the sand . I noticed that at many times along the path of my life , especially at the very lowest and saddest times , there was only one set of footprints . This really troubled me , so I asked the Lord about it . " Lord , you said once I decided to follow you , You 'd walk with me all the way . But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life , there was only one set of footprints . I don 't understand why , when I needed You the most , You would leave me . " The Lord replied , " My son , my precious child , I love you and I would never leave you . During your times of suffering , when you could see only one set of footprints , it was then that I carried you . " Life is so simple in the eyes of an eight year old . How I wish to be at that age again ( if that would be possible ) and see the world differently ( again ) . Well , if it 's like a job that you can easily resign from , then this would be my resignation letter . Enjoy reminiscing ! I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult . I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year - old again . I want to go to McDonald 's and think that it 's a four - star restaurant . I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks . I want to think M & M 's are better than money because you can eat them . I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer 's day . I want to return to a time when life was simple . When all you knew were colors , multiplication tables , and nursery rhymes , but that didn 't bother you , because you didn 't know what you didn 't know and you didn 't care . All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset . I want to think the world is fair . That everyone is honest and good . I want to believe that anything is possible . I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again . I want to live simple again . I don 't want my day to consist of computer crashes , mountains of paperwork , depressing news , how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank , doctor bills , gossip , illness , and loss of loved ones . I want to believe in the power of smiles , hugs , a kind word , truth , justice , peace , dreams , the imagination , mankind , and making angels in the snow . So . . here 's my checkbook and my car - keys , my credit card bills and my 401K statements . I am officially resigning from adulthood . And if you want to discuss this further , you 'll have to catch me first , ' cause . . . " Tag ! You 're it . " This is an article written by Francie Baltazar - Schwartz about living life fully through optimism . Looking on a glass half full , not empty and finding great things to thank God rather complain with . I hope you 'll be blessed with this article . Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate . He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say . When someone would ask him how he was doing , he would reply , " If I were any better , I would be twins ! " He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed Him around from restaurant to restaurant . The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude . He was a natural motivator . If an employee was having a bad day , Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation . Seeing this style really made me curious , so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him , " I don 't get it ! You can 't be a positive person all of the time . How do you do it ? " Jerry replied , " Each morning I wake up and say to myself , Jerry , you have two choices today . You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood . ' I choose to be in a good mood . Each time something bad happens , I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it . I choose to learn from it . Every time someone comes to me complaining , I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life . I choose the positive side of life . " " Yeah , right , it 's not that easy , " I protested . " Yes it is , " Jerry said . " Life is all about choices . When you cut away all the junk , every situation is a choice . You choose how you react to situations . You choose how people will affect your mood . You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood . The bottom line : It 's your choice how you live life . " I reflected on what Jerry said . Soon thereafter , I left the restaurant industry to start my own business . We lost touch , but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it . Several years later , I heard that Jerry did s0 Danny Dutton of Chula Vista , California is an eight year old kid who wrote this article for his third grader homework entitled " Explain God " . Let us see how he explained it in his own little ( and somehow funny ) way . " One of God 's main jobs is making people . He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth . " " He doesn 't make grown - ups , just babies . I think because they are smaller and easier to make . That way , He doesn 't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk , He can just leave that to mothers and fathers . " " God 's second most important job is listening to prayers . An awful lot of this goes on , since some people , like preachers and things , pray at times besides bedtime . " " God doesn 't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this . Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears , unless He has thought of a way to turn it off . " " God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy . So you shouldn 't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad 's head asking for something they said you couldn 't have . " " Atheists are people who don 't believe in God . I don 't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren 't any who come to our church . " " Jesus is God 's Son . He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn 't want to learn about God . They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him . " " But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn 't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK . His Dad ( God ) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn 't have to go out on the road anymore , He could stay in heaven . So He did . " " And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to0 Felice R . Prager writes in Reader 's Digest ( August , 1999 ) that the kids had been driving her nuts , asking her to buy them a talking bird , until she finally got them a parrot . They named him Wilbur and tried to teach him some words , but all he would say was , " Hello . Hello . " Her oldest son Jeff worked with Wilbur , trying to get him to say , " Jeff is the greatest . " Nothing . Her husband tried . " Give this guy a raise , " he repeated . Nothing . Felice took a turn . " Clean your room . " Still nothing . Finally , Wilbur started talking . During dinner all they heard was : " He did it . No , he did it . " And then , " Get out of my room ! " Hers is not the only house where those words are repeated like a childhood mantra ! My heart goes out to parents . Like the father who lamented , " When I was a child , I never gave any thought to running away from home . But now that I am a parent , I think about it all the time . " Some advice I heard several years ago has inspired me to constantly give my best to my children . The advice , surprisingly , came from someone who was not a parent at all , but rather a nun . It was offered by Mother Teresa shortly after she made a speech about her work with the sick and dying and her efforts to help orphans in India . Following her address , a member of the audience stood and asked , " You have done so much to make the world a better place . What can we do ? " He clearly wanted to assist in her work . Mother Teresa smiled and said simply , " Love your children . " The questioner looked perplexed and seemed about to speak again when Mother Teresa raised her hand . " There are other things you can do , " she said , " but that is the best . Love your children . Love your children as much as you can . That is the best . " I can 't help but believe that her advice , if followed by all parents and all adults in all places at all times , will transform our world in a generation . Just love the children - all the children . Love them as much as you can . That is best . Story by Steve Goodier His parents acquired the washer when John Claypool was a small boy . It happened during World War II . His family owned no washing machine and , since gasoline was rationed , they could ill afford trips to the laundry several miles away . Keeping clothes clean became a problem for young John 's household . A family friend was drafted into the service , and his wife prepared to go with him . John 's family offered to store their furniture while they were away . To the family 's surprise , the friends suggested they use their Bendix while they were gone . " It would be better for it to be running , " they said , " than sitting up rusting . " So this is how they acquired the washer . Young John helped with the washing , and across the years he developed an affection for the old , green Bendix . But eventually the war ended . Their friends returned . In the meantime he had forgotten how the machine came to be in their basement in the first place . When the friends came to take it away , John grew terribly upset - - and said so ! His mother , wise as she was , sat him down and said , " Wait a minute , Son . You must remember , that machine never belonged to us in the first place . That we ever got to use it at all was a gift . So , instead of being mad at it being taken away , let 's use this occasion to be grateful that we had it at all . " The lesson proved invaluable . Years later , John watched his eight - year - old daughter die a slow and painful death of leukemia . Though he struggled for months with her death , John could not begin healing from the loss until he remembered the old Bendix . His daughter was a gift . When he realized that simple fact , everything changed . He could now begin healing from the tragedy of her loss by focusing instead on the wonder of her life . He started to see Laura Lou as a marvelous gift that he was fortunate enough to share for a time . He felt grateful . He found strength and healing . He knew he could get through the valley of loss . We all experience loss - - loss of people , loss of jobs , loss of relationships , loss of independence , loss of esteem , loss of things . When what you held dear can be viewed as a gift , a wonder that you had it at all , the memory can eventually become one more of gratitude than tragedy . And you will find the healing you need . It is true that kids really do the darnest things . . hehe . . please enjoy these stories and feel free to laugh . . On the way to driving her daughter to preschool , the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat , and her little girl picked it up . Her daughter began playing with it , and she thought : be still my heart , my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps ! Then the child spoke into the instrument : " Welcome to McDonald 's . - May I take your order ? " Little Johnny 's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures , tacked to a bulletin board , of the 10 most wanted criminals . One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person . " Yes , " said the policeman . " The detectives want very badly to capture him . " Little Johnny asked , " Why didn 't you keep him when you took his picture ? " A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew . She would occasionally walk around to see each child 's artwork . As she got to one little girl who was working diligently , she asked what the drawing was . The girl replied , " I 'm drawing God . " The teacher paused and said , " but no one knows what God looks like . " Without missing a beat , or looking up from her drawing the girl replied , " They will in a minute . " Some boy scouts from the big city were on a camping trip for the first time . The mosquitoes were so fierce , the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten . Then one of them saw some lightening bugs and said to his friend , " We might as well give up , now they 're coming after us with flashlights ! " An elderly woman and her little grandson , whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles , spent the day at the zoo . Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws . " You 've got so many freckles , there 's no place to paint ! " a girl in the line said to the little fella . Embarrassed , the little boy dropped his head . His grandmother knelt down next to him . " I 0 An old man lived alone . He wanted to dig his potato garden , but it was very hard work and his only son , who would have helped him , was in prison for bank robbery . The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament . Shortly , he received this reply : " FOR HEAVEN ' S SAKE , Dad , don 't dig up the entire garden , that 's where I buried the money . " At 4 a . m . the next morning , a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any money . Confused , the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened , and asking him what to do next . His son 's reply was , " Now plant your potatoes , Dad . It 's the best I could do from here . " Here 's a true story written by Deb Matthews about obeying God . Winter had arrived and I needed studded tires for my van . As hard as I tried , though , I just didn 't have any extra money to put away for them . The Lord had provided so many things in my life , often just in the nick of time , that I was surprised he wasn 't providing in this case . " Lord , " I complained one day , " I don 't understand what 's wrong . You know I can 't drive on the slick roads . I can walk to and from work , but it will be late at night when I get off , and not safe walking that far . I can 't seem to do anything by myself to get enough extra money . " I worked in a retail toy store that sold at discount prices , and they naturally couldn 't pay high wages . I was barely getting by . I prayed and ' complained ' for a few minutes before the Lord could get me to listen . Then I heard the still small voice . " I 'm always faithful to do my part , when my people are faithful to do their part , " he said , and a " picture " of a situation at work flashed in my mind . Ouch ! It was like when a father gives that certain look to a child who 's acting up - - the child knows just exactly what that look means . I knew instantly what the Lord was trying to tell me and where I had failed . " I 'm sorry , Lord . I haven 't been a very good example , have I ? ! " I went to work that Saturday , and trusted the Lord to bring a certain person to me while I was counting money from the previous day 's sales . Throughout the day , managers and assistant managers came into the locked safe room where I was working , with each hour 's money drop . Finally , in the early afternoon , the particular assistant the Lord was dealing with me about came on duty and her turn came to make the drop . " I owe you an apology , " I said to her after she 'd locked the safe . " What do you mean ? " she asked me , surprised . " Well , I got in trouble last night with the big boss , " I said , smiling and pointing upward . She laughed . She was an admitted agnostic , and we 'd had plenty of conversations about the Lord over the past few months . I 'd told her about 1 comments An inspirational story written by Jeffrey Davis . Enjoy reading and I pray that you will be inspired the same I was inspired by this story . God bless ! A few weeks ago , I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other . What began as a typical Saturday morning , turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time . Let me tell you about it . I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net . Along the way , I came across an older sounding chap , with a tremendous signal and a golden voice . You know , the kind , he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business . He was telling whomever he was talking with something about " a thousand marbles . " I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say . " Well , Tom , it sure sounds like you 're busy with your job . I 'm sure they pay you well but it 's a shame you have to be away from home and your Family so much . Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet . Too bad you missed your daughter 's dance recital . " He continued , " Let me tell you something Tom , something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities . " And that 's when he began to explain his theory of a " thousand marbles . " " You see , I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic . The average person lives about seventy - five years . I know , some live more and some live less , but on average , folks live about seventy - five years . " " Now then , I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime . Now stick with me Tom , I 'm getting to the important part . " " It took me until I was fifty - five years old to think about all this in any detail , " he went on , " and by that time I had lived through over twenty - eight hundred Saturdays . I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy - five , I only had about a thousand of them0 The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn 't already know . I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder . I turned around to find a wrinkled little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being . She said , " Hi , Handsome . My name is Rose . I 'm eighty - seven years old . Can I give you a hug ? After class we walked to the student union building and shared a milkshake . We became instant friends . Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop . I was always mesmerized , listening to this " time machine " as she shared her wisdom and experience with me . Over the course of the year , Rose became a campus icon and easily made friends wherever she went . She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students . She was living it up . At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet and I 'll never forget what she taught us . She was introduced and stepped up to the podium . As she began to deliver her prepared speech , she dropped her 3x5 cards on the floor . Frustrated and a little embarrassed , she leaned into the microphone and simply said , " I 'm sorry I 'm so jittery . I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me ! I 'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know . " " You 've got to have a dream . When you lose your dreams , you die . We have so many people walking around who are dead and don 't even know it ! " " There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up . If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don ? t do one productive thing , you will turn twenty years old . If I am eighty - seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eight - eight . Anybody can grow older . That doesn 't take any talent or ability . The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change . " " Have no regrets . The elderly usually don 't have regrets for what we did , but rather for things we did not do . The only people who fear death are those with regrets . " At the year 's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago . One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep . Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it 's never too late to be all you can possibly be . An inspirational story about having faith and the eagerness to help in the saddest and most challenging moments in life , by the way , age doesn 't matter . Tess was a precocious eight years old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother , Andrew . All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money . They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn 't have the money for the doctor bills and our house . Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no - one to loan them the money . She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation , " Only amiracle can save him now . " Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet . She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully . Three times , even . The total had to be exactly perfect . No chance here for mistakes . Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap , she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall 's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door . She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too intently talking to another man to be bothered by an eight year old at this moment . Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise . Nothing . She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster . No good . Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter . That did it ! " And what do you want ? " the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice . " I 'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven 't seen in ages , " he said without waiting for a reply to his question . " Well , I want to talk to you about my brother , " Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone . " He 's really , really sick . . . and I want to buy a miracle . " " I beg your pardon ? " said the pharmacist . " His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now . So how much does a miracl0 An inspirational story written by Sally Kelly - Engeman for Chicken Soup for the Soul about a nurse that 's supposed to have a wing . Enjoy ! At the end of her shift , Lois , a surgical and intensive care nurse for thirty years , was eager to go home to a hot bath and a novel . As she pulled out of the hospital parking lot , she saw the nearby ambulance station and felt an unexplainable urge to stop and greet the paramedics , most of whom she had worked with in the past as an EMT . The closer she got , the stronger she felt compelled to stop . She had barely entered the building and greeted her friends when the phone rang . " There 's been a two car accident , " the head paramedic said . " We 're understaffed today and could sure use your experience , Lois . Will you come with us ? " Instinctively , she climbed into one of the ambulances . As a saffron sunset hung over the Rocky Mountains , Lois felt an unseen force urging her to help . The sirens shrieked and they soon arrived at the accident site . While paramedics attended to an injured man in one car , Lois checked the vital signs of a woman sitting in the other vehicle . There was no blood or visible signs of injury and the woman said nothing , but stared at Lois with vacant eyes . Lois suspected a brain concussion , but kept her thoughts to herself . Hoping to comfort the woman , she said , " Looks like you 're going to be fine , but just to be on the safe side , we 'll take you to the hospital . " Mutely , the woman continued to stare at Lois , as if her eyes were about to pop out of their sockets . The injured man was loaded into an ambulance that sped away and the paramedics placed the woman onto a gurney and into a second ambulance . En route to the hospital , Lois held the patient 's hands and comforted her with assurances that everything was going to be fine . The following morning when Lois reported for duty , she discovered that the woman accident victim was a patient on her floor . After checking her chart , Lois was relieved to see she was well enough to be discharged . She entered the room and introduced herse0 This is an article penned by John W . Schlatter for Chicken Soup for the Soul , 1993 about how a simple act could make a difference . This has been my most favorite story so far and it still sends chill to my spines every time I read it . Hope it inspires you too . One day , when I was a freshman in high school , I saw a kid from my class walking home from school . His name was Kyle . It looked like he was carrying all of his books . I thought to myself , " Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday ? He must really be a nerd . " I had quite a weekend planned ( parties and a football game with my friend the following afternoon ) , so I shrugged my shoulders and went on . As I was walking , I saw a bunch of kids running toward him . They ran at him , knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt . His glasses went flying , and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him . He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes . My heart went out to him . So , I jogged over to him , and as he crawled around looking for his glasses , I saw a tear in his eye . I handed him his glasses and said , " Those guys are jerks . They really should get lives . " He looked at me and said , " Hey , thanks ! " There was a big smile on his face . It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude . I helped him pick up his books , and asked him where he lived . It turned out he lived near me , so I asked him why I had never seen him before . He said he had gone to private school before coming to this school . I would have never hung out with a private school kid before . We talked all the way home , and I carried his books . He turned out to be a pretty cool kid . I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends . He said yes . We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle , the more I liked him . And my friends thought the same of him . Monday morning came , and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again . I stopped him and said , " Damn boy , you are gonna really build some serious muscles with t0 While enjoying the beauty around him , he glanced down the beach and saw a lone figure dancing about . Fascinated by this person celebrating the new day , he moved closer . As he drew nearer , he realized that the person was not dancing , but in one graceful motion was picking up objects from the beach and tossing them into the sea . " If the starfish stay on the beach , when the tide goes out and the sun rises higher , they will die , " replied the young man as he continued tossing them out to sea . " That 's ridiculous ! There are thousands of miles of beach and millions of starfish . You can 't really believe that what you are doing can possibly make a difference ! " This is the coolest school phone menu ever ! " Hello ! You have reached the automated answering service of your school . In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member , please listen to all the options before making a selection : To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2To complain about what we do - Press 3To swear at staff members - Press 4To ask why you didn 't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5If you want us to raise your child - Press 6If you want to reach out and touch , slap or hit someone - Press 7To request another teacher , for the third time this year - Press 8To complain about bus transportation - Press 9To complain about school lunches - Press 0If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his / her own behavior , class work , homework and that it 's not all the teachers ' fault for your child 's lack of effort : Hang up and have a nice day ! I just hope that this is a real one so that parents will know when to protect his child and when to teach him lessons he must learn . Here are some guidelines that I have found that will surely help parents raise their child . Please read thoroughly every detail and read the article up to the end . Never eat together as a family . Never have family traditions that children can look forward to . Never listen to your children ; talk at them but never with them . Never let your child experience cold , fatigue , adventure , injury , risk , challenge , failure , frustration , etc . Teach them to do as I say and not as I do . Leave the responsibility of moral , spiritual training to the schools and church and don 't teach them at home . Never spend time with your child ; give them gifts , toys , and money as a substitute . Expect your child to achieve and win , but do not teach him or her the principles of fairness and responsibility . Let them learn this on their own . Take a pick - up pill or drink in the morning , and a relaxing pill or drink in the evening . Never treat your child with respect ; instead try whenever possible to humiliate him in public so that he will learn his lesson . Always pick up after your child ; never let him or her assume any personal responsibility . Berate your spouse in front of the children ; be sure your children know your husband 's or wife 's faults . Keep your home tense and chaotic . Always solve your child 's problems . Never allow your child the freedom to make any decisions . Be too busy with work or social activities to spend time with your children . If you do happen to have the time be sure to spend it watching television . Don 't teach them anything while they are young ; wait until they are old enough to learn and decide right from wrong for themselves . Do the above guidelines and your child will probably end - up using drugs , be alcoholic , a nuisance , a sex addict , a criminal , or even commit suicide . In short , a drag . This is serious , parents , if you want to raise your child opposite of what has been mentioned then do the opposite of the guidelines , and likely you will have a responsible , well - educated , and God fearing child . Give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself . Permit me to fail , so that I can learn from my mistakes . Then someday I will be prepared to make the decisions life will require of me . Do not be afraid to leave for a weekend together . Kids need vacations from parents , and parents need vacations from kids . Besides , it 's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is something special . Take me to Sunday school and church regularly , setting a good example for me to follow . I enjoy learning more about God . It is a great responsibility raising our children , but always remember that they are God 's gift , so in order to know how to properly take care of them , consult Him who gave them to us . He knows best . Thank you to Engr . Otep for forwarding this story : After 21 years of marriage , my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie . She said , " I love you , but I know this other woman loves you too , and she would love to spend some time with you . " The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER , who has been a widow for 19 years , but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally . That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie . " What 's wrong , are you well ? " she asked . My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news . " I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you , " I responded . " Just the two of us . " She thought about it for a moment , and then said , " I would like that very much . " That Friday after work , as I drove over to pick her up , I was a bit nervous . When I arrived at her house , I noticed that she , too , seemed to be nervous about our date . She waited in the door with her coat on . She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary . She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel 's . " I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son , and they were impressed , " she said , as she got into the car . " They can 't wait to hear about our meeting . " We went to a restaurant that , although not elegant , was very nice and cozy . My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady . After we sat down , I had to read the menu . Her eyes could only read large print . Half way through the entries , I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me . A nostalgic smile was on her lips . " It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small , " she said . " Then it 's time that you relax and let me return the favor , " I responded . During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other 's life . We talked so much that we missed 0 A man decided to go on a safari . He took his faithful pet dog along for company . One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost . So , wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch . Just as the leopard is about to leap , the dog exclaims loudly , " Man , that was one delicious leopard . I wonder if there are any more around here ? " Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride , as a look of terror comes over him , and slinks away into the trees . " Whew " , says the leopard . " That was close . That dog nearly had me . " Meanwhile , a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree , figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard . So , off he goes . But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed , and figured that something must be up . Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back , and thinks , " What am I going to do now ? " But instead of running , the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn 't seen them yet . And just when they get close enough to hear , the dog says , " Where 's that monkey . I just can never trust him . I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard , and he 's still not back ! ! I have read this in a certain website a while ago . Just wanna share it with you all . Last week I took my children to a restaurant . My six - year - old son asked if he could say grace . As we bowed our heads he said , " God is good . God is great . Thank you for the food , and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert . And Liberty and justice for all ! Amen ! " Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark , " That 's what 's wrong with this country . Kids today don 't even know how to pray . Asking God for ice - cream ! Why , I never ! " Hearing this , my son burst into tears and asked me , " Did I do it wrong ? Is God mad at me ? " As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him , an elderly gentleman approached the table . He winked at my son and said , " I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer . " " Really ? " my son asked . " Cross my heart , " the man replied . Then in a theatrical whisper he added ( indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing ) , " Too bad she never asks God for ice cream . A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes . " Naturally , I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal . My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life . He picked up his sundae and without a word , walked over and placed it in front of the woman . With a big smile he told her , " Here , this is for you . Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes ; and my soul is good already . " Some people , know how to voice their heart out , but they just don 't mind if they are doing it properly . More often than not , they do not even realize that they are already hurting other people . A group of alumni , highly established in their careers , got together to visit their old university professor . Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life . Offering his guests coffee , the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain , plastic , glass , crystal , some plain looking , someexpensive , some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee . When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand , the professor said : " If you noticed , all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up , leaving behind the plain and cheap ones . While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves , that is the source of your problems and stress . Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee . In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink . What all of you really wanted was coffee , not the cup , but you consciously went for the best cups . . . And then you began eyeing each other 's cups . Now consider this : Life is the coffee ; the jobs , money and position in society are the cups . They are just tools to hold and contain Life , and the type of cup we have does not define , nor change the quality of Life we live . Sometimes , by concentrating only on the cup , we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us . " God brews the coffee , not the cups . . . . . . . . . . Enjoy your coffee ! " The happiest people don 't have the best of everything . They just make the best of everything . " Live simply . Love generously . Care deeply . Speak kindly . Leave the rest to God . Charles Plumb was a U . S . Navy jet pilot in Vietnam . After 75 combat missions , his plane was destroyed by a surface - to - air missile . Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands . He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison . He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience . One day , when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant , a man at another table came up and said , " You 're Plumb ! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk . You were shot down ! " " How in the world did you know that ? " asked Plumb . " I packed your parachute , " the man replied . Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude . The man pumped his hand and said , " I guess it worked ! " Plumb assured him , " It sure did . If your chute hadn 't worked , I wouldn 't be here today . " Plumb couldn 't sleep that night , thinking about that man . Plumb says , " I kept wondering what he might have looked like in a Navy uniform : a white hat , a bib in the back , and bell - bottom trousers . I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said " Good morning , how are you ? " or anything because , you see , I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor . " Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship , carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute , holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn 't know . Now , Plumb asks his audience , " Who 's packing your parachute ? " Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make it through the day . Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory . . . he needed his physical parachute , his mental parachute , his emotional parachute , and his spiritual parachute . He called on all these supports before reaching safety . One day , a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school , found he had only one thin dime left , and he was hungry . He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house . However , he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door . Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water . She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk . He drank it slowly , and then asked , " How much do I owe you ? " " You don 't owe me anything , " she replied . " Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness . " He said , " Then I thank you from my heart . " As Howard Kelly left that house , he not only felt stronger physically , but his faith in God and man was strong also . He had been ready to give up and quit . Year 's later that young woman became critically ill . The local doctors were baffled . They finally sent her to the big city , where they called in specialists to study her rare disease . Dr . Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation . When he heard the name of the town she came from , a strange light filled his eyes . Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room . Dressed in his doctor 's gown he went in to see her . He recognized her at once . He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life . From that day he gave special attention to the case . After a long struggle , the battle was won . Dr . Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval . He looked at it , then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room . She feared to open it , for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all . Finally she looked , and something caught her attention on the side of the bill . She read these words : " Paid In Full With One Glass Of Milk . " ( Signed ) Dr . Howard Kelly . T his is an excerpt from a song by Christina Perri . I do not support the song the way I love gospel songs . What I like most is the lyrics o . . . |
inspiring stories of love , optimism , courage , faith , friendship and a lot more . stories to motivate you and inspire you to become a better person than who you were yesterday . we also have funny stories to even out your experience . you can also submit your own inspiring story here ! On a Saturday night several weeks ago , this pastor was working late at Almighty God Tabernacle , his church , and decided to call his wife before he left for home . It was about 10 : 00 PM , but his wife didn 't answer the phone . The pastor let it ring many times . 0 An ass , belonging to an herb - seller who gave him too little food and too much work made a petition to Jupiter to be released from his present service and provided with another master . Jupiter , after warning him that he would repent his request , caused him to be sold to a tile - maker . Shortly afterwards , finding that he had heavier loads to carry and harder work in the brick - field , he petitioned for another change of master . 0 The Ants were spending a fine winter 's day drying grain collected in the summertime . A Grasshopper , perishing with famine , passed by and earnestly begged for a little food . The Ants inquired of him , " Why did you not treasure up food during the summer ? ' He replied , " I had not leisure enough . I passed the days in singing . " They then said in derision : " If you were foolish enough to sing all the summer , you must dance supperless to bed in the winter . " A man dies and goes to heaven . Of course , St . Peter meets him at the pearly gates . St . Peter says , " Here 's how it works . You need 100 points to make it into heaven . You tell me all the good things you 've done , and I give you a certain number of points for each item , depending on how good it was . When you reach 100 points , you get in . " We must wake up and be weary . Let us always focus our sight to God so that we might not sin . Well , if you enjoy sinning and disobeying God , Satan wrote a letter for you ! Read it clearly ! The brand new pastor and his wife , newly assigned to their first ministry , to reopen a church in urban Brooklyn , arrived in early October excited about their opportunities . When they saw their church , it was very run down and needed much work . 0 A friend of mine named Paul received an automobile from his brother as a Christmas present . On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office , a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car , admiring it . " Is this your car , Mister ? " he asked . A small congregation in the foothills of the Great Smokies built a new sanctuary on a piece of land willed to them by a church member . Ten days before the new church was to open , the local building inspector informed the pastor that the parking lot was inadequate for the size of the building . Until the church doubled the size of the parking lot , they would not be able to use the new sanctuary . A little boy is telling his Grandma how " everything " is going wrong . School , family problems , severe health problems , etc . Meanwhile , Grandma is baking a cake . She asks the child if he would like a snack , which of course he does . Here 's a good spiritual story . The author is ( unknown ) but i hope you could tell me if you happen to know . May everyone be blessed with this one . After a few of the usual Sunday evening hymns , the church 's pastor once again slowly stood up , walked over to the pulpit , and gave a very brief introduction of his childhood friend . With that , an elderly man stepped up to the pulpit to speak , " A father , his son , and a friend of his son were sailing off the Pacific Coast , " he began , " when a fast approaching storm blocked any attempt to get back to shore . The waves were so high , that even though the father was an experienced sailor , he could not keep the boat upright , and the three were swept into the ocean . " The old man hesitated for a moment , making eye contact with two teenagers who were , for the first time since the service began , looking somewhat interested in his story . He continued , " Grabbing a rescue line , the father had to make the most excruciating decision of his life . . . . to which boy he would throw the other end of the line . He only had seconds to make the decision . The father knew that his son was a Christian , and he also knew that his son 's friend was not . The agony of his decision could not be matched by the torrent of waves . As the father yelled out , ' I love you , son ! ' he threw the line to his son 's friend . By the time he pulled the friend back to the capsized boat , his son had disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night . His body was never recovered . " By this time , the two teenagers were sitting straighter in the pew , waiting for the next words to come out of the old man 's mouth . " The father , " he continued , " knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus , and he could not bear the thought of his son 's friend stepping into an eternity without Jesus . Therefore , he sacrificed his son . How great is the love of God that He should do the same for us . " With that , the old man turned and sat back down in his chair as silence filled the room . Within minutes after the service ended , the two teenagers were at the old man 's side . " That was a nice story , " politely started one of the boys , " but I don 't think it was very realistic for a father to gi0 A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it ' was too crowded ' . " I can 't go to Sunday School , " she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by . Seeing her shabby , unkempt appearance , the pastor guessed the reason and , taking her by the hand , took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday School class . The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus . Some two years later , this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings and the parents called for the kindhearted pastor , who had befriended their daughter , to handle the final arrangements . As her poor little body was being moved , a worn and crumpled purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump . Inside was found 57 cents and a note scribbled in childish handwriting which read , " This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday school . " For two years she had saved for this offering of love . When the pastor tearfully read that note , he knew instantly what he would do . Carrying this note and the cracked , red pocketbook to the pulpit , he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion . He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building . But the story does not end there ! A newspaper learned of the story and published it . It was read by a realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands . When told that the church could not pay so much , he offered it for a 57 cents . Church members made large subscriptions . Checks came from far and wide . Within five years the little girl 's gift had increased to $ 250 , 000 . 00 , a huge sum for that time ( near the turn of the century ) . Her unselfish love had paid large dividends . When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3 , 300 , and Temple University , where hundreds of students are trained . Have a look , too , at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School 0 A great story guys , may everyone be blessed and be touched by this one . A few years ago at the Seattle Special Olympics , nine contestants , all physically or mentally disabled , assembled at the starting line for the 100 yard dash . At the gun , they all started out , not exactly in a dash , but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win . All , that is , except one boy who stumbled on the asphalt , tumbled over a couple of times and began to cry . The other eight heard the boy . They slowed down and looked back . They all turned around and went back . Every one of them . One girl with Down 's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said , " This will make it better . " All nine linked arms and walked across the finish line together . Everyone in the stadium stood , and the cheering went on for several minutes . People who were there are still telling the story . Why ? Because deep down we know one thing . What matters most in this life is more than winning for ourselves . What truly matters in this life is helping others win , even if it means slowing down and changing our course . Next fall when you see geese heading south for the winter . . . flying along in V formation . . . you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way : As each bird flaps its wings , it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following . By flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71 % greater flying range , than if each bird flew on its own . People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another . When a goose falls out of formation , it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone . . . and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front . If we have as much sense as a goose , we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are . When the head goose gets tired it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point . It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs . . . with people or with geese flying south . Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed . What do we say when we honk from behind ? Finally . . . and this is important . . . when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshots , and falls out of formation , two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection . They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies , and only then do they launch out on their own , or with another formation to catch up with their group . If we have the sense of a goose , we will stand by each other like that . " Now I see why powerful people often wear sunglasses - the spotlight blinds them toreality . They suffer from a delusion that power means something ( it doesn 't ) . They suffer from the misconception that titles make a difference ( they don 't ) . They are under the impression that earthly authority will make a heavenly difference ( it won 't ) . Can I prove my point ? Take this quiz . Name the ten wealthiest people in the world . Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners . Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest . Name eight people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize . How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture or the last decade 's worth of World Series winners ? How did you do ? I didn 't do well either . With the exception of you trivia hounds , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday too well . Surprising how quickly we forget , isn 't it ? And what I 've mentioned above are nosecond - rate achievements . These are the best in their fields . But the applause dies . Awards tarnish . Achievements are forgotten . Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners . Here 's another quiz . See how you do on this one : Think of three people you enjoy spending time with . Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile . Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time . List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school . Name half - a - dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you . Easier ? It was for me , too . The lesson ? The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials , but the ones with the concern . " This is a famous story specially in Christian Communities . This has inspired many people already all throughout the globe . Actually the author is already untraceable but as far as I know , a Filipino wrote this story when he thought that all was lost in his life , having struck with a great tragedy , he asked God why such tragedy befall on him , and it was then that God talk to him by inspiring him to write a story . Years later , another person added music to the words and thus more and more people got blessed with it . If you happen to know this song , sing to it while reading the story . If you don 't , good thing , may God bless everyone who read this . Last night I had a dream . I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord . Across the sky flashed scenes from my life . For each scene , I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand : one belonged to me , the other to the Lord . After the last scene of my life flashed before me , I looked back at the footprints in the sand . I noticed that at many times along the path of my life , especially at the very lowest and saddest times , there was only one set of footprints . This really troubled me , so I asked the Lord about it . " Lord , you said once I decided to follow you , You 'd walk with me all the way . But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life , there was only one set of footprints . I don 't understand why , when I needed You the most , You would leave me . " The Lord replied , " My son , my precious child , I love you and I would never leave you . During your times of suffering , when you could see only one set of footprints , it was then that I carried you . " Life is so simple in the eyes of an eight year old . How I wish to be at that age again ( if that would be possible ) and see the world differently ( again ) . Well , if it 's like a job that you can easily resign from , then this would be my resignation letter . Enjoy reminiscing ! I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult . I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year - old again . I want to go to McDonald 's and think that it 's a four - star restaurant . I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks . I want to think M & M 's are better than money because you can eat them . I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer 's day . I want to return to a time when life was simple . When all you knew were colors , multiplication tables , and nursery rhymes , but that didn 't bother you , because you didn 't know what you didn 't know and you didn 't care . All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset . I want to think the world is fair . That everyone is honest and good . I want to believe that anything is possible . I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again . I want to live simple again . I don 't want my day to consist of computer crashes , mountains of paperwork , depressing news , how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank , doctor bills , gossip , illness , and loss of loved ones . I want to believe in the power of smiles , hugs , a kind word , truth , justice , peace , dreams , the imagination , mankind , and making angels in the snow . So . . here 's my checkbook and my car - keys , my credit card bills and my 401K statements . I am officially resigning from adulthood . And if you want to discuss this further , you 'll have to catch me first , ' cause . . . " Tag ! You 're it . " This is an article written by Francie Baltazar - Schwartz about living life fully through optimism . Looking on a glass half full , not empty and finding great things to thank God rather complain with . I hope you 'll be blessed with this article . Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate . He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say . When someone would ask him how he was doing , he would reply , " If I were any better , I would be twins ! " He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed Him around from restaurant to restaurant . The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude . He was a natural motivator . If an employee was having a bad day , Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation . Seeing this style really made me curious , so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him , " I don 't get it ! You can 't be a positive person all of the time . How do you do it ? " Jerry replied , " Each morning I wake up and say to myself , Jerry , you have two choices today . You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood . ' I choose to be in a good mood . Each time something bad happens , I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it . I choose to learn from it . Every time someone comes to me complaining , I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life . I choose the positive side of life . " " Yeah , right , it 's not that easy , " I protested . " Yes it is , " Jerry said . " Life is all about choices . When you cut away all the junk , every situation is a choice . You choose how you react to situations . You choose how people will affect your mood . You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood . The bottom line : It 's your choice how you live life . " I reflected on what Jerry said . Soon thereafter , I left the restaurant industry to start my own business . We lost touch , but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it . Several years later , I heard that Jerry did s0 Danny Dutton of Chula Vista , California is an eight year old kid who wrote this article for his third grader homework entitled " Explain God " . Let us see how he explained it in his own little ( and somehow funny ) way . " One of God 's main jobs is making people . He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth . " " He doesn 't make grown - ups , just babies . I think because they are smaller and easier to make . That way , He doesn 't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk , He can just leave that to mothers and fathers . " " God 's second most important job is listening to prayers . An awful lot of this goes on , since some people , like preachers and things , pray at times besides bedtime . " " God doesn 't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this . Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears , unless He has thought of a way to turn it off . " " God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy . So you shouldn 't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad 's head asking for something they said you couldn 't have . " " Atheists are people who don 't believe in God . I don 't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren 't any who come to our church . " " Jesus is God 's Son . He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn 't want to learn about God . They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him . " " But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn 't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK . His Dad ( God ) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn 't have to go out on the road anymore , He could stay in heaven . So He did . " " And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to0 Felice R . Prager writes in Reader 's Digest ( August , 1999 ) that the kids had been driving her nuts , asking her to buy them a talking bird , until she finally got them a parrot . They named him Wilbur and tried to teach him some words , but all he would say was , " Hello . Hello . " Her oldest son Jeff worked with Wilbur , trying to get him to say , " Jeff is the greatest . " Nothing . Her husband tried . " Give this guy a raise , " he repeated . Nothing . Felice took a turn . " Clean your room . " Still nothing . Finally , Wilbur started talking . During dinner all they heard was : " He did it . No , he did it . " And then , " Get out of my room ! " Hers is not the only house where those words are repeated like a childhood mantra ! My heart goes out to parents . Like the father who lamented , " When I was a child , I never gave any thought to running away from home . But now that I am a parent , I think about it all the time . " Some advice I heard several years ago has inspired me to constantly give my best to my children . The advice , surprisingly , came from someone who was not a parent at all , but rather a nun . It was offered by Mother Teresa shortly after she made a speech about her work with the sick and dying and her efforts to help orphans in India . Following her address , a member of the audience stood and asked , " You have done so much to make the world a better place . What can we do ? " He clearly wanted to assist in her work . Mother Teresa smiled and said simply , " Love your children . " The questioner looked perplexed and seemed about to speak again when Mother Teresa raised her hand . " There are other things you can do , " she said , " but that is the best . Love your children . Love your children as much as you can . That is the best . " I can 't help but believe that her advice , if followed by all parents and all adults in all places at all times , will transform our world in a generation . Just love the children - all the children . Love them as much as you can . That is best . Story by Steve Goodier His parents acquired the washer when John Claypool was a small boy . It happened during World War II . His family owned no washing machine and , since gasoline was rationed , they could ill afford trips to the laundry several miles away . Keeping clothes clean became a problem for young John 's household . A family friend was drafted into the service , and his wife prepared to go with him . John 's family offered to store their furniture while they were away . To the family 's surprise , the friends suggested they use their Bendix while they were gone . " It would be better for it to be running , " they said , " than sitting up rusting . " So this is how they acquired the washer . Young John helped with the washing , and across the years he developed an affection for the old , green Bendix . But eventually the war ended . Their friends returned . In the meantime he had forgotten how the machine came to be in their basement in the first place . When the friends came to take it away , John grew terribly upset - - and said so ! His mother , wise as she was , sat him down and said , " Wait a minute , Son . You must remember , that machine never belonged to us in the first place . That we ever got to use it at all was a gift . So , instead of being mad at it being taken away , let 's use this occasion to be grateful that we had it at all . " The lesson proved invaluable . Years later , John watched his eight - year - old daughter die a slow and painful death of leukemia . Though he struggled for months with her death , John could not begin healing from the loss until he remembered the old Bendix . His daughter was a gift . When he realized that simple fact , everything changed . He could now begin healing from the tragedy of her loss by focusing instead on the wonder of her life . He started to see Laura Lou as a marvelous gift that he was fortunate enough to share for a time . He felt grateful . He found strength and healing . He knew he could get through the valley of loss . We all experience loss - - loss of people , loss of jobs , loss of relationships , loss of independence , loss of esteem , loss of things . When what you held dear can be viewed as a gift , a wonder that you had it at all , the memory can eventually become one more of gratitude than tragedy . And you will find the healing you need . It is true that kids really do the darnest things . . hehe . . please enjoy these stories and feel free to laugh . . On the way to driving her daughter to preschool , the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat , and her little girl picked it up . Her daughter began playing with it , and she thought : be still my heart , my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps ! Then the child spoke into the instrument : " Welcome to McDonald 's . - May I take your order ? " Little Johnny 's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures , tacked to a bulletin board , of the 10 most wanted criminals . One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person . " Yes , " said the policeman . " The detectives want very badly to capture him . " Little Johnny asked , " Why didn 't you keep him when you took his picture ? " A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew . She would occasionally walk around to see each child 's artwork . As she got to one little girl who was working diligently , she asked what the drawing was . The girl replied , " I 'm drawing God . " The teacher paused and said , " but no one knows what God looks like . " Without missing a beat , or looking up from her drawing the girl replied , " They will in a minute . " Some boy scouts from the big city were on a camping trip for the first time . The mosquitoes were so fierce , the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten . Then one of them saw some lightening bugs and said to his friend , " We might as well give up , now they 're coming after us with flashlights ! " An elderly woman and her little grandson , whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles , spent the day at the zoo . Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws . " You 've got so many freckles , there 's no place to paint ! " a girl in the line said to the little fella . Embarrassed , the little boy dropped his head . His grandmother knelt down next to him . " I 0 An old man lived alone . He wanted to dig his potato garden , but it was very hard work and his only son , who would have helped him , was in prison for bank robbery . The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament . Shortly , he received this reply : " FOR HEAVEN ' S SAKE , Dad , don 't dig up the entire garden , that 's where I buried the money . " At 4 a . m . the next morning , a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any money . Confused , the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened , and asking him what to do next . His son 's reply was , " Now plant your potatoes , Dad . It 's the best I could do from here . " Here 's a true story written by Deb Matthews about obeying God . Winter had arrived and I needed studded tires for my van . As hard as I tried , though , I just didn 't have any extra money to put away for them . The Lord had provided so many things in my life , often just in the nick of time , that I was surprised he wasn 't providing in this case . " Lord , " I complained one day , " I don 't understand what 's wrong . You know I can 't drive on the slick roads . I can walk to and from work , but it will be late at night when I get off , and not safe walking that far . I can 't seem to do anything by myself to get enough extra money . " I worked in a retail toy store that sold at discount prices , and they naturally couldn 't pay high wages . I was barely getting by . I prayed and ' complained ' for a few minutes before the Lord could get me to listen . Then I heard the still small voice . " I 'm always faithful to do my part , when my people are faithful to do their part , " he said , and a " picture " of a situation at work flashed in my mind . Ouch ! It was like when a father gives that certain look to a child who 's acting up - - the child knows just exactly what that look means . I knew instantly what the Lord was trying to tell me and where I had failed . " I 'm sorry , Lord . I haven 't been a very good example , have I ? ! " I went to work that Saturday , and trusted the Lord to bring a certain person to me while I was counting money from the previous day 's sales . Throughout the day , managers and assistant managers came into the locked safe room where I was working , with each hour 's money drop . Finally , in the early afternoon , the particular assistant the Lord was dealing with me about came on duty and her turn came to make the drop . " I owe you an apology , " I said to her after she 'd locked the safe . " What do you mean ? " she asked me , surprised . " Well , I got in trouble last night with the big boss , " I said , smiling and pointing upward . She laughed . She was an admitted agnostic , and we 'd had plenty of conversations about the Lord over the past few months . I 'd told her about 1 comments An inspirational story written by Jeffrey Davis . Enjoy reading and I pray that you will be inspired the same I was inspired by this story . God bless ! A few weeks ago , I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other . What began as a typical Saturday morning , turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time . Let me tell you about it . I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net . Along the way , I came across an older sounding chap , with a tremendous signal and a golden voice . You know , the kind , he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business . He was telling whomever he was talking with something about " a thousand marbles . " I was intrigued and sat down to listen to what he had to say . " Well , Tom , it sure sounds like you 're busy with your job . I 'm sure they pay you well but it 's a shame you have to be away from home and your Family so much . Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet . Too bad you missed your daughter 's dance recital . " He continued , " Let me tell you something Tom , something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities . " And that 's when he began to explain his theory of a " thousand marbles . " " You see , I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic . The average person lives about seventy - five years . I know , some live more and some live less , but on average , folks live about seventy - five years . " " Now then , I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900 which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime . Now stick with me Tom , I 'm getting to the important part . " " It took me until I was fifty - five years old to think about all this in any detail , " he went on , " and by that time I had lived through over twenty - eight hundred Saturdays . I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy - five , I only had about a thousand of them0 The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn 't already know . I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder . I turned around to find a wrinkled little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being . She said , " Hi , Handsome . My name is Rose . I 'm eighty - seven years old . Can I give you a hug ? After class we walked to the student union building and shared a milkshake . We became instant friends . Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop . I was always mesmerized , listening to this " time machine " as she shared her wisdom and experience with me . Over the course of the year , Rose became a campus icon and easily made friends wherever she went . She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students . She was living it up . At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet and I 'll never forget what she taught us . She was introduced and stepped up to the podium . As she began to deliver her prepared speech , she dropped her 3x5 cards on the floor . Frustrated and a little embarrassed , she leaned into the microphone and simply said , " I 'm sorry I 'm so jittery . I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me ! I 'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know . " " You 've got to have a dream . When you lose your dreams , you die . We have so many people walking around who are dead and don 't even know it ! " " There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up . If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don ? t do one productive thing , you will turn twenty years old . If I am eighty - seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eight - eight . Anybody can grow older . That doesn 't take any talent or ability . The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change . " " Have no regrets . The elderly usually don 't have regrets for what we did , but rather for things we did not do . The only people who fear death are those with regrets . " At the year 's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago . One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep . Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it 's never too late to be all you can possibly be . An inspirational story about having faith and the eagerness to help in the saddest and most challenging moments in life , by the way , age doesn 't matter . Tess was a precocious eight years old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother , Andrew . All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money . They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn 't have the money for the doctor bills and our house . Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no - one to loan them the money . She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered desperation , " Only amiracle can save him now . " Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet . She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully . Three times , even . The total had to be exactly perfect . No chance here for mistakes . Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap , she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall 's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door . She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too intently talking to another man to be bothered by an eight year old at this moment . Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise . Nothing . She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster . No good . Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter . That did it ! " And what do you want ? " the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice . " I 'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven 't seen in ages , " he said without waiting for a reply to his question . " Well , I want to talk to you about my brother , " Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone . " He 's really , really sick . . . and I want to buy a miracle . " " I beg your pardon ? " said the pharmacist . " His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now . So how much does a miracl0 An inspirational story written by Sally Kelly - Engeman for Chicken Soup for the Soul about a nurse that 's supposed to have a wing . Enjoy ! At the end of her shift , Lois , a surgical and intensive care nurse for thirty years , was eager to go home to a hot bath and a novel . As she pulled out of the hospital parking lot , she saw the nearby ambulance station and felt an unexplainable urge to stop and greet the paramedics , most of whom she had worked with in the past as an EMT . The closer she got , the stronger she felt compelled to stop . She had barely entered the building and greeted her friends when the phone rang . " There 's been a two car accident , " the head paramedic said . " We 're understaffed today and could sure use your experience , Lois . Will you come with us ? " Instinctively , she climbed into one of the ambulances . As a saffron sunset hung over the Rocky Mountains , Lois felt an unseen force urging her to help . The sirens shrieked and they soon arrived at the accident site . While paramedics attended to an injured man in one car , Lois checked the vital signs of a woman sitting in the other vehicle . There was no blood or visible signs of injury and the woman said nothing , but stared at Lois with vacant eyes . Lois suspected a brain concussion , but kept her thoughts to herself . Hoping to comfort the woman , she said , " Looks like you 're going to be fine , but just to be on the safe side , we 'll take you to the hospital . " Mutely , the woman continued to stare at Lois , as if her eyes were about to pop out of their sockets . The injured man was loaded into an ambulance that sped away and the paramedics placed the woman onto a gurney and into a second ambulance . En route to the hospital , Lois held the patient 's hands and comforted her with assurances that everything was going to be fine . The following morning when Lois reported for duty , she discovered that the woman accident victim was a patient on her floor . After checking her chart , Lois was relieved to see she was well enough to be discharged . She entered the room and introduced herse0 This is an article penned by John W . Schlatter for Chicken Soup for the Soul , 1993 about how a simple act could make a difference . This has been my most favorite story so far and it still sends chill to my spines every time I read it . Hope it inspires you too . One day , when I was a freshman in high school , I saw a kid from my class walking home from school . His name was Kyle . It looked like he was carrying all of his books . I thought to myself , " Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday ? He must really be a nerd . " I had quite a weekend planned ( parties and a football game with my friend the following afternoon ) , so I shrugged my shoulders and went on . As I was walking , I saw a bunch of kids running toward him . They ran at him , knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt . His glasses went flying , and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him . He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes . My heart went out to him . So , I jogged over to him , and as he crawled around looking for his glasses , I saw a tear in his eye . I handed him his glasses and said , " Those guys are jerks . They really should get lives . " He looked at me and said , " Hey , thanks ! " There was a big smile on his face . It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude . I helped him pick up his books , and asked him where he lived . It turned out he lived near me , so I asked him why I had never seen him before . He said he had gone to private school before coming to this school . I would have never hung out with a private school kid before . We talked all the way home , and I carried his books . He turned out to be a pretty cool kid . I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends . He said yes . We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle , the more I liked him . And my friends thought the same of him . Monday morning came , and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again . I stopped him and said , " Damn boy , you are gonna really build some serious muscles with t0 While enjoying the beauty around him , he glanced down the beach and saw a lone figure dancing about . Fascinated by this person celebrating the new day , he moved closer . As he drew nearer , he realized that the person was not dancing , but in one graceful motion was picking up objects from the beach and tossing them into the sea . " If the starfish stay on the beach , when the tide goes out and the sun rises higher , they will die , " replied the young man as he continued tossing them out to sea . " That 's ridiculous ! There are thousands of miles of beach and millions of starfish . You can 't really believe that what you are doing can possibly make a difference ! " This is the coolest school phone menu ever ! " Hello ! You have reached the automated answering service of your school . In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member , please listen to all the options before making a selection : To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2To complain about what we do - Press 3To swear at staff members - Press 4To ask why you didn 't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5If you want us to raise your child - Press 6If you want to reach out and touch , slap or hit someone - Press 7To request another teacher , for the third time this year - Press 8To complain about bus transportation - Press 9To complain about school lunches - Press 0If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his / her own behavior , class work , homework and that it 's not all the teachers ' fault for your child 's lack of effort : Hang up and have a nice day ! I just hope that this is a real one so that parents will know when to protect his child and when to teach him lessons he must learn . Here are some guidelines that I have found that will surely help parents raise their child . Please read thoroughly every detail and read the article up to the end . Never eat together as a family . Never have family traditions that children can look forward to . Never listen to your children ; talk at them but never with them . Never let your child experience cold , fatigue , adventure , injury , risk , challenge , failure , frustration , etc . Teach them to do as I say and not as I do . Leave the responsibility of moral , spiritual training to the schools and church and don 't teach them at home . Never spend time with your child ; give them gifts , toys , and money as a substitute . Expect your child to achieve and win , but do not teach him or her the principles of fairness and responsibility . Let them learn this on their own . Take a pick - up pill or drink in the morning , and a relaxing pill or drink in the evening . Never treat your child with respect ; instead try whenever possible to humiliate him in public so that he will learn his lesson . Always pick up after your child ; never let him or her assume any personal responsibility . Berate your spouse in front of the children ; be sure your children know your husband 's or wife 's faults . Keep your home tense and chaotic . Always solve your child 's problems . Never allow your child the freedom to make any decisions . Be too busy with work or social activities to spend time with your children . If you do happen to have the time be sure to spend it watching television . Don 't teach them anything while they are young ; wait until they are old enough to learn and decide right from wrong for themselves . Do the above guidelines and your child will probably end - up using drugs , be alcoholic , a nuisance , a sex addict , a criminal , or even commit suicide . In short , a drag . This is serious , parents , if you want to raise your child opposite of what has been mentioned then do the opposite of the guidelines , and likely you will have a responsible , well - educated , and God fearing child . Give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself . Permit me to fail , so that I can learn from my mistakes . Then someday I will be prepared to make the decisions life will require of me . Do not be afraid to leave for a weekend together . Kids need vacations from parents , and parents need vacations from kids . Besides , it 's a great way to show us kids that your marriage is something special . Take me to Sunday school and church regularly , setting a good example for me to follow . I enjoy learning more about God . It is a great responsibility raising our children , but always remember that they are God 's gift , so in order to know how to properly take care of them , consult Him who gave them to us . He knows best . Thank you to Engr . Otep for forwarding this story : After 21 years of marriage , my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie . She said , " I love you , but I know this other woman loves you too , and she would love to spend some time with you . " The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER , who has been a widow for 19 years , but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally . That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie . " What 's wrong , are you well ? " she asked . My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news . " I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you , " I responded . " Just the two of us . " She thought about it for a moment , and then said , " I would like that very much . " That Friday after work , as I drove over to pick her up , I was a bit nervous . When I arrived at her house , I noticed that she , too , seemed to be nervous about our date . She waited in the door with her coat on . She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary . She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel 's . " I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son , and they were impressed , " she said , as she got into the car . " They can 't wait to hear about our meeting . " We went to a restaurant that , although not elegant , was very nice and cozy . My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady . After we sat down , I had to read the menu . Her eyes could only read large print . Half way through the entries , I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me . A nostalgic smile was on her lips . " It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small , " she said . " Then it 's time that you relax and let me return the favor , " I responded . During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other 's life . We talked so much that we missed 0 A man decided to go on a safari . He took his faithful pet dog along for company . One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost . So , wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch . Just as the leopard is about to leap , the dog exclaims loudly , " Man , that was one delicious leopard . I wonder if there are any more around here ? " Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride , as a look of terror comes over him , and slinks away into the trees . " Whew " , says the leopard . " That was close . That dog nearly had me . " Meanwhile , a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree , figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard . So , off he goes . But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed , and figured that something must be up . Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back , and thinks , " What am I going to do now ? " But instead of running , the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn 't seen them yet . And just when they get close enough to hear , the dog says , " Where 's that monkey . I just can never trust him . I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard , and he 's still not back ! ! I have read this in a certain website a while ago . Just wanna share it with you all . Last week I took my children to a restaurant . My six - year - old son asked if he could say grace . As we bowed our heads he said , " God is good . God is great . Thank you for the food , and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert . And Liberty and justice for all ! Amen ! " Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark , " That 's what 's wrong with this country . Kids today don 't even know how to pray . Asking God for ice - cream ! Why , I never ! " Hearing this , my son burst into tears and asked me , " Did I do it wrong ? Is God mad at me ? " As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him , an elderly gentleman approached the table . He winked at my son and said , " I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer . " " Really ? " my son asked . " Cross my heart , " the man replied . Then in a theatrical whisper he added ( indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing ) , " Too bad she never asks God for ice cream . A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes . " Naturally , I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal . My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life . He picked up his sundae and without a word , walked over and placed it in front of the woman . With a big smile he told her , " Here , this is for you . Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes ; and my soul is good already . " Some people , know how to voice their heart out , but they just don 't mind if they are doing it properly . More often than not , they do not even realize that they are already hurting other people . A group of alumni , highly established in their careers , got together to visit their old university professor . Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life . Offering his guests coffee , the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain , plastic , glass , crystal , some plain looking , someexpensive , some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee . When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand , the professor said : " If you noticed , all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up , leaving behind the plain and cheap ones . While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves , that is the source of your problems and stress . Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee . In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink . What all of you really wanted was coffee , not the cup , but you consciously went for the best cups . . . And then you began eyeing each other 's cups . Now consider this : Life is the coffee ; the jobs , money and position in society are the cups . They are just tools to hold and contain Life , and the type of cup we have does not define , nor change the quality of Life we live . Sometimes , by concentrating only on the cup , we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us . " God brews the coffee , not the cups . . . . . . . . . . Enjoy your coffee ! " The happiest people don 't have the best of everything . They just make the best of everything . " Live simply . Love generously . Care deeply . Speak kindly . Leave the rest to God . Charles Plumb was a U . S . Navy jet pilot in Vietnam . After 75 combat missions , his plane was destroyed by a surface - to - air missile . Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands . He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison . He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience . One day , when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant , a man at another table came up and said , " You 're Plumb ! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk . You were shot down ! " " How in the world did you know that ? " asked Plumb . " I packed your parachute , " the man replied . Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude . The man pumped his hand and said , " I guess it worked ! " Plumb assured him , " It sure did . If your chute hadn 't worked , I wouldn 't be here today . " Plumb couldn 't sleep that night , thinking about that man . Plumb says , " I kept wondering what he might have looked like in a Navy uniform : a white hat , a bib in the back , and bell - bottom trousers . I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said " Good morning , how are you ? " or anything because , you see , I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor . " Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent on a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship , carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute , holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn 't know . Now , Plumb asks his audience , " Who 's packing your parachute ? " Everyone has someone who provides what he or she needs to make it through the day . Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory . . . he needed his physical parachute , his mental parachute , his emotional parachute , and his spiritual parachute . He called on all these supports before reaching safety . One day , a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school , found he had only one thin dime left , and he was hungry . He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house . However , he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door . Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water . She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk . He drank it slowly , and then asked , " How much do I owe you ? " " You don 't owe me anything , " she replied . " Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness . " He said , " Then I thank you from my heart . " As Howard Kelly left that house , he not only felt stronger physically , but his faith in God and man was strong also . He had been ready to give up and quit . Year 's later that young woman became critically ill . The local doctors were baffled . They finally sent her to the big city , where they called in specialists to study her rare disease . Dr . Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation . When he heard the name of the town she came from , a strange light filled his eyes . Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room . Dressed in his doctor 's gown he went in to see her . He recognized her at once . He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life . From that day he gave special attention to the case . After a long struggle , the battle was won . Dr . Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval . He looked at it , then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room . She feared to open it , for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all . Finally she looked , and something caught her attention on the side of the bill . She read these words : " Paid In Full With One Glass Of Milk . " ( Signed ) Dr . Howard Kelly . T his is an excerpt from a song by Christina Perri . I do not support the song the way I love gospel songs . What I like most is the lyrics o . . . |
The start of that day was during the early June time . In the dreary corner of the house , was the room that no one really wanted . In there , among the sheets , my naked body rubbing them , the moisture of my skin soft , slept the sweet girl Zoe , me . The room that I called my own was not my first , second or even third choice , it was forcibly given to me by my parents , Mr . And Mrs . Barker . They had smiled at me , in a sort of painful way , and had told me to take the room , despite my arguing that my sisters were getting the better one . " Do it for your family Zoe " they had said , knowing very well that I 'd put them ahead of anything . And so I ended up in the smallest room in the house . Waking up , I naturally looked around the room ; everything was as I had left it , which was a good sign , meaning that nobody had woken up yet . On any normal weekend , my two middle sisters would sneak into my room and destroy everything before I woke up . Looking at the clock on the wall , it read 8am . Normally I would be happy and satisfied with most of the things in my life , but that day felt off to me ; it felt like everything was going to change . Getting out of my bed I looked outside my window . The only positive thing about my room was that my window was the only one pointing towards the backyard . Normally this would have been useless , being as there was nothing to look at , because our house backed into a park ; I enjoyed it because I often liked to stare at the setting sun . It was one of those little things that just seemed to be a fulfilling experience . Not wanting to roam the house alone , I sat down on my bed and picked up the book that I had been reading last night . Despite being only 14 , I had the intellectual level to match my older sisters . I was not exactly a nerd , but I always did manage to score top marks in my classes and had been the recipients of many scholarly awards . After a while of reading , I heard some noise and realized that it had already been about 2 hours since I had woken up and everyone was up by then . I decided to go down because mom would be making breakfast and I didn 't want to miss out , knowing very well that Leslie would eat my pancakes . I jumped out of bed again and was about to open the door when I stopped to look at myself in the mirror . It was a habit of mine . I had always thought that I had looked perfectly well until my older sisters had reached puberty . They had both grown into tall , astonishing ladies . They both had 36D by the time they turned 14 and when I had hit that number , I still was a 32B . At that point I became much more aware of my body and it got even worse , because my friends and family constantly compared me to my sisters , them often being dubbed the ' better ' ones and boys often teased me cause of that . Looking in the mirror , I hoped that body would start to grow soon . I stood at about 5 ' 3 " , with dark brown hair ; and had kept it long , almost down to my waist . I was the only one in my family with dark brown hair , my mother and sisters all being stunning blondes . Walking downstairs , I entered the kitchen and was immediately met with the aroma of pancakes . My mom , Susanne , knew how to make them perfectly and had always made them every weekend . A little info on my family : My dad , Brian , was a business man who owned a company in the near town of Denver and had done quite well for himself , investing the originally small company from his father . His company had grown over the years and he now owned two plants of his company . He had met my mom in high school and they had been sweethearts . She was a very practical person , never wanting to stay at home and be a house wife , she had demanded that he allow her to work in his company and she held a job there as an executive . They had gotten married when they had graduated college when they were 22 years old ; and a couple of years later , their first daughter was born . They had named her Melanie . Another year later their second daughter Leslie had been born . the next year came twin girls , Rene and Chloe ; they had thought about keeping the limit at that but then one night had led to another pregnancy , which led to the birth of last child , me , Zoe . That had been their bundle of kids and tAs soon as I crossed the kitchen door , I was pushed aside by Melanie . Melanie , the oldest , at 17 was an exact copy of my mother , right down to her seductive voice . It was known in the entire family , a silent knowledge , that she was the most dominating one , as she had everything always the way she wanted . That didn 't mean that she was a cold , mean bitch , even though she could be that at times to me , but I still loved her . I ignored her sister and sat down at the table . On the each end of the table sat my parents and besides me sat Rene and Chloe . On the other side sat Melanie and Leslie and in the middle of them , right across from me , sat Sean . Sean was not a guest and he wasn 't my sibling , he was her cousin / adopted brother . He had been living with us for almost a year now . The reason for his staying at our house was not often talked about by my parents , but from what I knew , both of Sean 's parents were dead and he had no other family . His mom had already died due to child birth , so he had always been with his dad . I had only had met once before , when I was 8 , and hadn 't thought much of him . Eventually his dad died in a car accident and he had nowhere left to go . My dad Bill and his father were brothers and since they could afford it , they adopted Sean , who since had been living at out residence . In the beginning he had been very quiet and didn 't talk much We girls had often tried to get him to talk . Even though he was year younger than me , Melanie and Leslie treated him like a friend and the rest tried hard too . Eventually he opened up more and soon he was an everyday part of our family . So as I looked at Sean , he smiled back at me . I slightly turned red and turned my head and ignored him . I didn 't originally hate him or anything ; it was just that , Sean had never really helped me out , though he had never ordered me around either . I felt that since he wasn 't truly a part of the family , he should be more grateful and help around more . Eventually this resentment of mine grew and after 11 months of living with him , I had come to despise him , though I didn 't understand why . At 13 , Sean stood at 5 ' 6 " and was very thin . He had jet black hair that he kept mildly short and beautiful dark brown eyes . That was the first thing I had noticed about him , his eyes that looked like they did not belong on this scrawny kid , but rather on a dashingly attractive movie star . He reminded me of a prince rather than a knight . Even at this stage of his life , whenever we were walking in the park , he always followed me along , I had often noticed that girls used to look at him and whisper to themselves and a lot of girls his age had been quick to ask him on a ' play - date ' . Even when Melanie and Leslie 's friends came over , they often used to ask about him and I had even notice a couple of them try to hit on him . But Sean always made a sad or scared face and quickly approached me with some sort of distracting task to keep him away . Maybe that was another reason I had come to dislike my new ' brother ' . " Hey mom … " Melanie suddenly said , " Some of my friends and I are going to the mall today . I saw this cute top that 'd go great with my D & G glasses . " " It 's not fair to me . Leslie is going to go stay over at her friend 's house and the twerps have their friends ' birthday party to attend . " I sulked Mom immediately slammed her fist down . Everyone got silent . " Okay everyone that 's enough . Rene , Chloe , first of all , don 't you ever call that sister again . Second of all , Zoe honey , I know this is wrong , but I remember that Melanie actually did inform me about this , 2 days ago , so it 's kinda my fault I guess . I know this is unfair but you have to cancel this . There 's no one to help you out . ' I felt like I was about to break down . " Why does this always happen to me ? " the thought pounded in my head , as I felt the first streaks of tears from on my eyes . Everyone looked across at Sean , who kind of reclined with all the eyes on him . " I - I said that if it 's not too much of a hassle , I can help her out , by staying . " He smiled nervously I felt confused . Sean had never helped me out and due to his shy nature I wondered how he could be a good host , but realizing that I had no choice , I sighed " Fine . I guess he can stay . " Everyone started eating breakfast , with mom and dad talking across the table , Mel and Leslie gossiping about the latest fashion , and the twins discussing a joke they had heard . I had been observing everyone , and I turned to look to Sean and I noticed that he was doing something weird . He was staring into his cereal , mixing it with his spoon , but his mind seemed somewhere else and from I thought I saw , he was slightly smiling , something I hadn 't seen him do much . Maybe he just really wanted to help me ? My friends came over around 3 pm . By then everyone had left already and Sean was in the den reading a book . As my friends started gathering , they all went down to the den . They all stopped in their tracks when they saw Sean . He was sitting on the sofa and he had headphones on so he couldn 't hear us , but I realized why they were looking at him . He looked gorgeous , and I do mean that . The angle of the sunlight , made him look like he was glowing . Then it hit me , my friends had never met Sean . At school , though we went to the same one , I always ignored him . Every day at school he tried to approach me , but I had always pretended I didn 't know who he was , and whenever they had come over before , he had always been out or had stayed up in his room . He was always the type to avoid company if possible and as far I knew he didn 't have any close friends and besides his soccer team , he had no social contact . He always seemed like a loner to me and that made me feel frustrated , because I always felt that people , especially girls , were attracted to him and he always turned the opportunity down . I had amused myself by wondering not when , but if , he was ever going to lose his virginity . That thought always amused me for some reason . " Well whatever he is , he 's looks like he 's just waiting to be corrupted . " All my friends giggled at that . " Zoe perhaps you might try to seduce him ? God knows you never had a boy like you . " Andrea snickered " Shut up " I said back . The thought of seducing Sean angered me . " He 's younger than me and for your information , I don 't even like him that much and I have plenty of boys to choose from . " The truth was that I have never even been looked at properly by a boy , it 's not that I look ugly , but just that I don 't present myself well enough . I don 't dress up too exposed or even in a way that might show off my features . The biggest problem was that I always thought my eyes were enchanting . They were green and with my brown hair , made them stand out . But God likes to play unfair , and my eyesight hadn 't been the best , leading me to wear glasses , which made me look like a bookworm . Never had a boy ever asked me out , or even show any interest in me . My sisters were considered the beauty of the school and me the black sheep . We started hanging out by watching TV and we soon decided to go up to my room and talk about stuff ; mostly boys . I just listened because I didn 't know any hot stuff going on in school . This whole activity went on and I soon started having fun . When night rolled around and no one had been back , I was starting to get worried . During this whole time , Sean had remained on that sofa , listening to the music and ignoring everything around him . At 8 pm , when the house was still empty , Andrea stood up . She got everyone 's attention and announced . " Okay listen up everyone . I have little game we can play , Truth or Dare . But there being one condition . If one of you decide to not to accomplish the dare , we will hold you down , take some lewd photos of you and hand them out to the guys in class . " She grinned . I was appalled . " No way , Andrea that 's too much . There 's no way I 'm gonna allow that to happen . " I thought everyone would support me in this , but then everyone looked up at me and shouted to play . I couldn 't believe it . They were all willing to play . I was about to say that I wasn 't going to play , when Andrea again announced " And if anyone , refuses to play , I 'm going to tell the kids at school about who you 've had sex with . And in Zoe 's case who she wants to do it with . " I was taken back . I knew that Andrea was capable of that and I realized that I had no choice but to play . And so we played . Thankfully my turn didn 't come and as I watched the rest of the girls do their tasks , I wondered to myself if it may have been better to not have friends over at all . Just then I was snapped out of my thought by Andrea , who asked me to accompany her into the next room . As we went in there , she asked me in a low voice . " Listen Zoe , can you get your cousin to play with us ? " I was taken back . Ryan McCall was the guy who I had a crush on . He was in my math and science class and we sat across from each other . I had liked him since the 6th grade and up till now in Grade 8 , he had never noticed me . I was seriously emptied by this offer . " Are you sure ? You Promise ? " I asked . I was amazed . She was being stupid of course , but no way in hell was I going to let a chance pass by to sit with Ryan . " Okay " I said to her . She winked at me . I made my way to the sofa Sean was sitting on and stood in front of him . He sat still , ignoring me , which pissed me off . What ? Was he too good to listen to me ? But just as I was about to shake him violently , I realized that he had fallen asleep . I stepped back . He looked so calm , so pure . His face was unmoving and his lips were formed in an expressionless way . I came closer to him and saw that he looked . . . sad ? I didn 't understand . He didn 't show any emotion but somehow I felt like he was being tortured . I felt the urgency to feel his lips and let him know that I was there . Suddenly I realized my face was less than an inch away from him . I jumped back . What the hell is wrong with me ? Why the hell was I gonna kiss this jerk ? I immediately shook him , wanting to distract myself . He woke up , panicking . I wasn 't going to give up . Hanging out with Ryan was on the line . " Well , it 'd be big help to me and I would really be glad . I am getting kinda bored and you said you would help me , remember ? " I looked at him with pleading eyes . He tried to avoid my gaze . He looked nervously at the girls across the hall and seemed hesitant . Then he sighed , " Sure , I 'll play for you . " As the game resumed , all the girls kept choosing dare . It seemed that they all had the same plan as Andrea in their minds . Finally it came down Andrea . She picked dare and waited for the girl across her , Cassie , to tell her to kiss Sean . But Cassie instead said that Andrea be slapped by the girl beside her . Andrea was shocked and before she could say anything , she had already been hit . Her face turned red . Was it from the impact or from anger , I couldn 't guess . Then the game resumed , with Andrea sulking . I was absent mindedly watching all the girls , noticing their sparkling eyes full of either lust or desire so strongly exposed in them , when I happen to look at Sean and he had been already looking at me . I suddenly blushed and looked away . What the hell was going on with me ? It 's just Sean , why the hell was I so suddenly tensed ? Then all of the sudden , I heard a yelp and looked down at the bottle : It was my turn . Now I was worried because if I opted not to do it , I would have my nude pictures taken forcibly . So I chose dare and Andrea , who sat across from me snickered . " All right , I dare Zoe to go into a dark closet with Sean and stay in there for 15 minutes . " I jumped up . " No way , that 's gross . He 's my bother Andrea . Tell them Sean . " I looked at him . " Oh but Zoe , aren 't you the dirty minded one . I never exactly said what you guys had to do while being in there . " She laughed . I felt my face burn red and realized the situation I had gotten myself into . So the next thing I knew , Sean and I were being dragged and were thrown into the closet . When I heard the lock snap , I immediately started banging my hands on the door . " C ' mon guys , this is not funny . Let us out ! " On the other side I heard Andrea 's voice , " Not until you make out ! " " Of course , but since I didn 't , I made sure that he was locked in with only girl he wouldn 't do anything with . This way if I don 't get him , No one else will . " She said . Oh perfect . So she 's taking out her anger on me , I thought to myself . I decided that Andrea was right and that the best solution would be to just remain calm and spend 15 minutes with Sean in here . I moved back and looked around the closet . It was a 6 X 9 closet , so there wasn 't much space to sit , there was a small climbing stood , which I immediately occupied . But the wall was the sidewall so there was a small window on the top , bringing in light form the backyard , lighting the closet , slightly . He timidly looked away . But then I calmed down and realized that he was probably regretting the situation as much as me . " But it 's okay I guess . What 's done is done . Let 's just pass the time . " " Actually I 'm glad to be here . At least this way we get to spend some time together . Cause it seems like , you always hate me or just don 't like me " he said . When I heard this from him , I felt that it was like I was so wrong in doing that . " Sean , why are you so damn soft all the time ? Be a man for once and just stand up for whatever you want . " I felt myself get angry for some reason He looked at me . In the mild darkness , a normally someone wouldn 't be able to see anyone 's face , but I could see his perception clearly . For the first time , I saw him look not scared , but serious . I was taken back . " Why do you ask ? Is there any point really to convince people ? I always try to be nice in hopes that once day they will realize their mistakes and then we can actually get along . Why do you think I follow you so much ? Have you ever noticed ? " " Do you realize that I 'm always looking out for you ? Today , for example , I had my game . My team depended on me , but for your sake I didn 't go and then get pushed into a closet . I am nice all the time , so that I don 't have to put up with the problems of dealing with them . " He seemed to have gotten sad . " Sorry " I said , " I guess I didn 't see that people beside me also have problems . I am sorry for never asking you about your day and your health , you know . I guess I was always pissed that you always got more attention than me , even while you were new to this house . I guess being the youngest child does suck . " He stood up and came by and sat beside me . " Look Zoe . I 'm your friend here ; I didn 't come here to be a burden on you . In fact quite the opposite , I thought that since I was living with you guys , I 'd at least help you out as much as possible . " I looked at him and smiled . I realized that I had been wrong about him . He wasn 't evil or selfish . He just didn 't know how to approach me . How to make friends with me I guess . " Well at least now we can start to become good friends . " ' Well its cause I guess that you work hard for everybody . You never complain . You always stand behind the scenes and let your sisters have fun , ready to sacrifice your happiness . They never say thank you and never really appreciate your kindness . Your friends never realize that you 're not happy talking with them about boys all the time and they don 't try to get you involved with them as well , but you stay silent for their sake . You 're truly a beautiful girl , inside and out both . ' I was really surprised . Nobody had ever said that about me . More importantly he had noticed all these little things about me . He had always been watching , thankfully , like no one else . He never made me feel lonely . That 's why he had always accompanied me when I went to parks , as now he was staying at home . I realized , that since he had been living with us , I had never been alone , whether at home or outside . He had always tried his best to accompany me at school so as to make sure that I didn 't feel left out among my friends . This guy , who could have hanged out with anyone , chose me over everyone . I felt very emotional , and all of a sudden , not knowing why I reached forward and pulled him closer , hugging him . I didn 't know why , I just felt like pressing his body to mine and just feeling his arms around me . I feared that he would freak out and jump back , but he didn 't . Instead he relaxed and I felt him slowly breathe on my neck . That gave me shivers and my heart started thumping really fast . This was the first time I felt this way . I was confused , I don 't know why . All I knew was that , if Sean moved away from me , I would be heart broken . Slowly I let him go . Once things seem to focus back , he said , " Thanks Zoe . I was wondering when you 'd get past your thickheaded - ness and realize that I don 't want to hurt you . You know I 'm actually glad that we got into this . I have something to tell you . " He sighed , " Uncle Derek has offered me to come live with them . " " Because as you know he and his wife don 't have any child of their own and he wants to adopt me . He promised my dad that if anything happened he would take care of me . Apparently he can now afford to . " " Well Uncle Brian said that it 's completely up to me . He said he can obviously afford to have me live here , but so can Uncle Derek and he might need me a lot too because he doesn 't ' have any children . I have to tell them my decision tonight . He 's been asking me about it for almost a week " I couldn 't believe it , now that I was finally starting to understand him . He was going to leave . This was way too much to handle . " No you can 't . I mean what am I going to do . You 're the only person who understands me . Please how can I let you go ? I like you too much ! " I suddenly stopped in my tracks . He was looking at me , taken back . What had I said ? I liked him ? Did I truly ? Now that I think about it . It made sense . I had always been jealous when other people noticed him . I never looked him in the eye . Whenever he approached me , I had run not because of hate , but because of fear and shyness . I had never talked to him , because I feared he would snub me like the others . I did like him . I noticed that all of a sudden there was shouting and screaming outside . I started banging on the door . " Hey what 's going on out there ? ! " " We have to escape " Sean said . I agreed . We tried breaking the door open , but it didn 't budge . He looked around . " There " he pointed up at the window . He climbed the stool and tried to open the window . It didn 't open . " It 's not opening " he shouted . " Is there something I can use to break the glass with ? " I looked around , there was nothing " Nothing Sean . " " Okay " he said , " I 'm gonna give you a boost and you go out the window . You then pull me out . Don 't you dare go confront them without me ? It 's dangerous . " But when I saw his hand , I was horrified . It was cut up and blood was still seeping and dripping out from it and onto the windowsill . " What the hell ! Did you use your bare hand to break the glass ? " If only human language could describe how I felt from those words . At that exact moment he was pulled and I fell back , him falling on top of me . I was surprised how light he was . But as I realized his body was on top of mine , my heart bumped again . I felt his fragrance rise . He smelled sweet , like honey , and I felt his heart beat synchronize to my own . He pulled his head up and looked at me . No emotion , no expression . I lay there as well , just listening to each other 's heartbeat . We both didn 't say anything . I wanted time to stop right there , so I could embrace him for as long as possible . I didn 't want to let him go . The realization that I liked him and that he might leave me , was making my head twirl . When I say that I was paralyzed , I mean that literally . I couldn 't believe it . My head was spinning 360 degrees every second . This was beyond belief . He liked me . When I had finally realized my feeling , he had too said it . But I was hesitant . I was scared of what might happen " Yeah I like you too . You 're my cousin . " " No " he said firmly " when I say I like you , I mean I like you like a guy loves a girl . I am in love with you . I have always been . " He then bent down and pressed his lips to mine . I went into Over - shock . My mind went numb . This handsome guy was kissing me . The guy I liked was kissing me . My first kiss was with him . I could taste his sweetness in that kiss . There was no tongue , all it was the pressing of our lips , but enough for him to express his emotions in that small movement . He then raised his head and looked at me . I couldn 't look into his eyes . Panicking , I pushed him off me . I didn 't know what to say . It was too much at a single time . " Umm , w - we should go now . M - my friends need to get settled down . " I turned and ran What was I running away from ? What was wrong with me ? My feelings were reciprocated and yet I was hiding ? Why ? All I remember is that I felt like avoiding Sean . Thankfully we got everyone out and everything cleaned before everyone got back . He had managed to stop the bleeding , though I don 't know how . He kept his damaged hand hidden in his pocket . " No , no , nothing . We were good kids , right Sean ? " I was expecting him to have a very dreary reaction , but he smiled cheerfully at my mom and said " Eyup , we were perfect lil ' angels Aunt Susanne . " I didn 't know what was going on in his mind , but I felt weak all of a sudden . I excused myself and left for my room . Before I climbed the stairs I took one last look at Sean . He was expressionless , like before , only this time , I could have sworn I saw a dark look on his face . All night I tossed and turned on my bed , naked that I was . It was my habit to sleep in the nude since I was 10 . Mom always angry because of that , but I still did it . It made me feel comfortable . But tonight , there was no comfort , as all I felt was pain . I didn 't know what was going on with me . Why hadn 't I replied to him ? Why hadn 't I told him I liked him too ? All night I stayed awake , listening to the sounds in house . I heard the floor creak . I heard voices . I swear I heard someone crying , I heard the door open and close often . I heard the car drive away . Every sound in the night , felt like a gong to my puzzled heart . In the morning I woke with a grave heart . Getting out of bed , the first thing that came to mind was to answer Sean today . I had decided last night , that I was gonna give him an answer . He deserved it . I wanted to run to him , in his room and jump onto his bed and kiss him , to taste his lips again , to press his body to mine and feel his arms all over my back . But when I went down , everyone was there , except Sean . I was wondering what was wrong with him . Maybe he was still not over my rejection yesterday . Then dad suddenly cleared his throat ' Umm . You guys I have something to tell you . ' We all stopped eating and looked at him . Dad wasn 't usually this serious ' Yesterday . Sean decided to leave for England , to go stay with his Uncle Derek . ' I immediately jumped up and ran to his room . I started knocking on his door . " Sean , it 's me . Let me in . Listen I 'm sorry , I 'm sorry . Please , don 't go . " " Sean , me too , I love you too . Please don 't leave me alone . I love you . " I heard no response , so I opened the door . It was empty . The room was clean and there was nothing of Sean 's anywhere . I didn 't get what was going on . Mom entered the room and closed the door . " Mom what 's wrong here ? Where 's all of Sean 's stuff ? Why isn 't he here ? " I sobbed and grabbed my mom . " Sshh honey , it 's going to be okay . Listen , Sean decided yesterday night . His uncle has been asking him for over a month to come stay with him . " I was floored by this . Had he had been waiting for me ? Was my decision going to make his mind ? Had it been me who had forced him to leave ? All I could do was sob in my own emptiness . I felt weak , emotionally drained . Nothing had prepared me for this and now the truth was just too bitter to swallow . I just stood there , reeling in empty silence ; feeling like my heart was being torn slowly . Mom looked at me . " You know that he was in love with you , didn 't ' you . " " When I asked him why , his answer , being only 13 , impressed me . He said because you were a golden person , your face , your heart and your soul . At first I only took him half serious , but I later realized that he was very serious about it . When he is serious , his expression is that of an adult . And over time I realized that he was truly in love with you , because a mom can tell when a boy likes her baby . " Mom 's words only made me realize what I had done to him . " Mom I am so sorry . What can I do ? I don 't want him to leave suddenly . " She patted me sweetly on the head " There , there . It 's okay . He 's going to come back one day and that 's when you decide how to answer him . Till then forget about it and enjoy our life . Just be happy " When mom left I followed her . At the door I stopped and turned around facing the empty room . I spoke out loud " Sean , I don 't know when you 're gonna be back . But I promise you , I will never forget about you . Please come back to me soon . " And with that I closed the door I took a deep breath and then sat and waited in the car . Soon Melanie came out and sat in the driver 's seat and we drove off . As soon as we were out of the neighborhood , she took out a pack of cigarette and lit one . She snickered " Yeah , I know that princess , but I 'm not gonna meet my maker until I 'm an old bitch with sagging tits . ' She laughed . In the 3 years that had passed , Melanie had grown into a more and more mom look - a - like . Even to the point that she had picked up her smoking habits . I laughed at this . Every morning Melanie used to drop me off at school before driving off to her college . My high school was in the way so she had no problems . As we pulled up to the school , Mel asked me " so what are you gonna do about that Mike kid . He seems pretty intent on going out with you . " As I approached my locker and opened it to take out my stuff , I heard a guy 's voice . " You 're looking beautiful today . " I turned around . There stood Adrian . " Adrian ! " I shouted and gave him a hug . Adrian had been a friend of mine since last year . I had gone out with him a couple of time , but nothing had come out of it , so I decided not to pursue it , though he made it clear that he was still interested . He had been the first and only guy I had gone out with . I had finally decided to abandon my glasses and opted for contacts . They made my eyes stand out truly . I had also gone through a metamorphosis . In the three years , my bust size had increased , though still not as much as my sisters , but still pretty good . I had grown to 5 ' 6 " and since last year I had joined the tennis team . That really helped me keep in shape and my body features were flawless . I had a surfboard stomach , a firm ass and long legs . Boys were now enchanted by me . Earlier at the year , I had already been voted the number one beauty of the school , and people were calling me a shoe - in for Prom Queen . And on top of that I had managed to keep my academic achievement as good as before , leading me to be one of the school 's best students . My life had changed and I had everything going for the better . The only thing that hadn 't changed was that I still didn 't have any boyfriend . But for reason I had never gone out with guys . I always , while considering their qualifications , considered them less than ideal . Only Adrian had been chosen , because he was soft spoken and was normally shy . He had wanted to date me out of all the girls , and considering his guts , I had said yes . School was now actually fun place to be for me now and I was enjoying my life When school ended , Melanie picked me up once again , and drove me home . As I entered the house , I found mom cooking in the kitchen . She was preparing a steak dinner . From my experience , mom only made her special dishes when there were guests coming over . I was surprised , " Hey mom , someone coming over ? " At 41 , mom was still at her prime . She was strong willed woman . Her blonde hair was thin and always perfect , not even close to showing signs of turning white . Her eyes , blue , were always shining , priding over having raised four beautiful girls . I laughed , being amused by her sudden change of attitude " It 's cause I was up yesterday night , doing homework . I heard the door downstairs open and then I heard your door open and close . I wasn 't sure , but you just confirmed it for me right now . " I giggled and hit her back and we ended up having a pillow fight . Leslie had developed into a strong willed lady . She didn 't have Mel 's God - given beauty , but her natural physical features could out - match her . Her hips and breasts were even more complementing then Melanie 's and she had a strong style of fashion , which brought her a lot of guy 's attention and drove mom and dad crazy . The door opened with a bang and Rene and Chloe immediately jumped on the bed with us . " Hey did we hear something about boyfriends . " The shouted in unison Those girls had grown to be two slap stick comedians . They had natural beauty of course thanks to their mother 's attributes , but they themselves had been popular all the time and now as they had entered high school , their popularity had emulated . They were already the most popular of the Barker kids . At 5 ' 7 " they were the tallest of the kids and inheriting their mom 's blonde locks and their father 's blue eyes , they were radiant beauties , accompanied by the fact that they never went without one another . I soon went to my own room and started undressing . My room had become much brighter over the time as I gotten mom and dad to let me put more and more features in that room . I had gotten another window installed and I even had an air - condition unit . My lifestyle had really improved . As I took off my shirt , I stopped in front of the mirror to check myself out . My breasts were full out now . At 36D they were something that got the eyes of all the guys . My body was still thin though and my height had led to my aspects to stand out even more . I had cut my hair and it was mid - back in length . I had also slightly dyed my hair . It was now brown with blonde streaks . My waist was slightly wide and looked perfectly accurate to my hips . As I took off my panties , I looked at my pussy . It was clean and shaved . I had always done that , though I didn 't know why . I just hoped that the boy who would see it , would like it to be clean . I rubbed it slowly over my arms and shoulders . It was smooth and smelled like lavender . The aroma was always intoxicating . And I gently smoothed over my stomach . As I reached to massage it over my breast , I felt a shudder . I rubbed them well , as I ran my palms over my nipples , I felt exited . My nipples were getting harder and I was getting exited . I started rubbing my nipples and pinched them . It felt amazing . I felt aroused so much . The pressure of everything was strong against my body . I squeezed them even more and felt myself gasping . A I brought my hands down , towards my love hole , I felt excitement . I didn 't regularly masturbate , so when I did that , it always felt amazing . As I rubbed my two fingers over the slit , it made all the hair at the back of my neck stand up . Slowly lathering up one finger , I pushed it inside my pussy . It send shiver through my body . I felt spasm in my bodies and felt liquid being released . I felt relieved and incredible . I brought it in deeper and deeper . Every little nook and cranny being overcome , it felt like body was on fire . I started moving it in and out , slightly and slowly . That started my moment . I felt as if I was about to explode . As if I felt another hand on mine , moving it with a mind of its own , I increased my speed . A volcanic eruption was brewing as all the liquid was reaching the exit . I knew that I couldn 't go deeper , because I felt a thin barrier at my finger tip . I was still a virgin and had no plan to break my cherry myself . But I was seriously tempted . I wanted more . The moment was too astounding to explain . And all I could do was slightly ; bring about a second finger , close to the slit . As soon as I let it feel the tip of my hole , the volcano erupted . All the liquid was gushing down my legs . I had come before , but not so much . My heart was beating faster than ever and I felt my nerves highlighting . Nothing had made me feel more sensitive . As I started to calm down , I slowly caught my breath again . It was not easy to do , considering I never knew a body could have its own splash works . I wondered how much better it might have been , had a guy 's dick had been in me . The marvelous feeling was always enchanting and wonderful . I finished my shower and stepped out . It was close to 7 . I chose my classiest clothing items , in anticipation of the guest . Around 9 pm , we were all called by mom down stairs and made to sit in the den . All the girls were present . They all were wearing a dress or something sexy . Mel was wearing a black - laced top with blue jeans . Leslie was wearing a brown dress , with her hair being curled and the twins were wearing black and brown tent dress and I was wearing a white sheath dress with green patterns . It went well with my eye color and I had my contacts on . Mom herself was wearing a formal evening gown , gold in color and it seemed that she was being too fancy . I realized the guest must be of a very great importance . The in walked a guy , who was wearing a hoodie , his head covered and wearing sun glasses . I didn 't recognize him . He seemed to be around my age . His chin I could tell was pointed and had prideful glance , His mouth was turned into a slight smile , but it showed a presence of longing and hands were in his pocket . It was Sean . He had come back . After three years of being absent from our lives . He had finally returned . And he had changed in many ways . His height was now close to 6 feet and he looked broad . He hadn 't gained any weight , nor did he look buffed , but from his posture I could tell that he was strong and had a good build . He had grown his hair , which now , jet black , was neck long and it also went in a fringe , his handsome face being covered by it in a messy , yet orderly way . He looked very different from how he had been when he left . Except for one thing ; His smile . It was the same smile that he always had . A sad one that made you want to ask him what was wrong . I looked at my sister and they were as dumbfounded as me . Sean looked even more mind - blowing than before and slightly more masculine . I swear I thought was Melanie checking him out and her eyes looked like she had found her mating partner . As Rene and Chloe got closer to him , I felt they were nervous . Back when he had come for the first time , they had immediately rushed to him and had made friends with him quickly . But now they were red faced , looking like fan girls , meeting their TV idol . They nervously shook his hand and immediately left to sit on the sofa , not a word spoken between them . As Leslie approached him , she too looked nervous , but she presented herself better than the twins . She firmly shook his hand and said " Welcome back Sean . It 's been so long no . God , it 's amazing to see you again . " Sean looked at her and gave her this smile , and I swear I saw Leslie 's arm suddenly shake , like the wind had been knocked right out of her . As she turned around and walked toward me , I saw her mouth " Oh my God , he 's hot ! " And then Melanie approached . For the first time , I saw Melanie being shy and acting with caution , instead of being her brash overbearing self . And neither did I see any mischief in her eyes . She was simply being shy and cute . And what Sean did make my jaw drop . He lightly took her right hand . And then he gently but firmly , pressed his lips on it . He looked up at her while doing this and I , as her sister , felt that Melanie might succumb to fainting spell And I was now getting nervous . It was my turn . We hadn 't seen each other since his abrupt confession and my even abrupt rejection . What was I to do ? How would I react ? And the next thing I knew , all my emotions were released in the form of tears . I felt them running down my face . Everyone started looking at me , even Sean , who showed no specific sentiment " I 'm sorry everyone … " and with that I ran , straight up the stairs and into my bedroom . I dared not look back at them , especially Sean . I didn 't know what his reaction was going to be , or what expression he might be showing at that moment , but for some reason I felt like I 'd rather not know . As I lay there on my bed I didn 't know what was wrong with me . Silence everywhere . No noise from downstairs and no sign of any life in my radar . I just knew that I was alone and felt terrible in my misery . " I don 't know what to do mom . It 's so sudden . I don 't know what to say to him . He shows up all of a sudden , when I 'm not even ready for him and I know eventually I 'll have to say something . What do I do mom ? I 'm so confused ? " I started sobbing " Well , saying hi would be a good start , " said a soft voice . Realizing it 's not mom I looked up and of all the people in the world , it was Sean . He was looking at me , like I was some kind of small child and he needed to help me . " Well after you ran off crying , I was confused and asked your mom what was wrong . She said that I should go up and talk to you . Apparently I am lousy at making people laugh , so guess it 's natural I make them cry " He smiled I laughed slightly too , gulping in a tear . " No Sean , you make people happy . I was just panicking and I didn 't know how to respond . Everything was sooo quick and out of the blue , it became a rush for me and I couldn 't keep up . " " I 'm fine . You tell me . In 3 years , no letter , no mail , no word . Why ? And how come you 're here so suddenly ? " He looked at me firmly . The smile wasn 't there , but there wasn 't any anger showing . " Well I 'm here cause I finished high school this year and I decided to go to college here . So I asked Uncle Derek if I could move back here . It took a few months of persuasion to let me come here . But in the end he finally agreed . " I was surprised . " Whoa whoa , hold up . College , aren 't you a grade younger than me . I 'm gonna start college this Fall , how come you 're with me ? " I was happy at hearing this . We were going to go to college together . In the empty space I was laughing , when in the back of my mind , the question still lingered . " Sean , listen " I said getting serious , softly grabbing his hands . " I 'm sorry about what happened . I am soo so sorry . I shouldn 't have run away like that . I should have answered you . " " Sean I know I was a coward then and I know I have hurt you badly , but please believe me . I never wanted it to happen intentionally . It was just too much to think about all of a sudden . So please forgive me . " " Oh don 't worry about that " he said cutting me off . I looked at him , with pleading eyes . He abruptly stood up , letting go of my hands . " I actually got over that really . I realized that it truly had been a stupid kid emotion . I saw you being brave , and probably all the hormone started acting up , but in reality , I guess I was fooling myself . " My heart felt like it had gone cold . My body was filled with pain , as shivers ran down my entire body . What was he saying ? Was he serious ? What was going on ? I was so confused ' " So don 't worry about it . It was my fault really ; I shouldn 't have said that I like you in the first place . I hope you never took it seriously , now we can be friends again . " I felt like my body couldn 't move . Nothing had made me even believe for a moment that this would ever happen to me . The only boy , who ever truly confessed to me , was now saying it was just nerves . What was wrong here ? Sean stayed true to his word . He never did look at me ever in a way that made me believe that he yearned for me . He always seemed patient . If anything , he always seemed happy to talk to me , as if rebuilding our friendship was the most important thing for him . He had truly changed in these three years . He was no longer shy . He always held his head up and talked to him . He always voiced his opinion now . And he now always helped around the house . Mom and Dad often commented that a boy had left and a man had returned . If that was true , then did that mean that it was the boy who loved me and the man , wanted to be just friends . Every little thing he did made me more confused . I couldn 't make head and tail of anything he did . All of his actions were now so unpredictable . He also had grown wisdom wise . Not in the sense that he was genius all of a sudden . We had always known when had been living with us last , that he was the smartest person in the house , even so more than me . He just now seemed to ' grown up ' He always treated Melanie with the utmost respect though . He always seemed caution when talking with her . She too always seemed to be free when he was at home and they seemed to spend a lot of time with it . At the end of July , it had about a 3 weeks since Sean had come back to live with us . I had pretty much gotten used to his new style , but that didn 't ' mean I was happy with it . If anything , as time passed on I started falling into a slight depression because the more he seemed to ignore me , the more my heart coveted him and wished that I had done something all those years back . Melanie had been out that day . She had asked Sean to drop her off somewhere . The place she said was about an hour and a half away , so they were going to be gone for a long time . I wondered why he was willing to go so easily . And why was Melanie asking him all the time , rather mom like usual ? The thing that petrified me was not the condoms themselves . I had actually known about them since almost half a year . Mel had said that she kept them in case the right guy came along . But the thing terrifying me right now was that from the pack 4 were missing . She had the whole strip the day before Sean came , I know because I had taken out some painkillers that day . And now they were gone and as far as I knew Melanie didn 't have boyfriend . And she had been driven by Sean on a long drive 4 times already . My mind was blacking out . I didn 't want to put to put 2 and 2 together . I could never accept the conclusion . No ! It had to be a lie I ran to my room and stayed in there all night . I kept praying that my perception was wrong but no matter how I looked at it , there was no other solution that I could come up with . That night when I heard Mel and Sean come in , I snuck out of the room and silently observed them . Melanie 's hair was in a mess and it looked like they both were roughed up . And then I heard the last words I wanted to hear . Melanie spoke " I love you Sean so much . Thank you for all this … " I don 't remember what happened afterwards , but all I remember is being back in my room , feeling drained and slowly falling into the abyss . I kept my distance form Sean , from that day forward . I avoided him at all possible manners . Whenever he came into a room , if I was in there , I always made some sort of excuse and got out of there . Whenever he started up a conversation with me , I dropped it immediately by changing the topic and then got myself busy in discussing something with Leslie or mom . I avoided his gaze , and if possible , made sure that he never saw my face . I did this all not for the fact that I might hate him now . No quite the contrary , I was afraid that if I ever saw his eyes , I might break and tell everyone what I had learned , in order to separate him and Melanie . I still loved him and if being with Melanie made him happy , I , in all my grief , would try to accept that The one night in late Mid - August , during the monsoon season , I was reading a book when Sean entered the den and made his way to the lazy boy across the room . I at first tried to avoid him and ignore him , but for just a millisecond I happen to look up from the book at him and saw him gazing at me . I immediately put my face down , praying he hadn 't seen my observation . " Oh honey , excellent . Listen , your aunt Nancy has this antique statue form our house when we were kids and I need you to go pick it up . Can you do that please ? " she asked " Mom , Aunt Nancy lives in a different town ; it 's about a 3 hour drive from here . Are you serious ? " I asked , quite surprised . " I know dear , but it 's just an important thing . It was a statue our mom bought when we moved there ; I always kept it in my room . It has so many precious memories , I just want it badly . I would have gotten it myself , but your father is out of town and I need to go to the plant and get a few meeting done . " " Alright mom , I 'll go . But how am I supposed to go there . If I take a bus , it 'll take half a day to get there . It 's already 7 . " I couldn 't believe my ears . This was anything but what I needed right now . I crossed my fingers and hoped that Sean would share my feelings and deny . He replied . " Sure Aunt Susanne . No problems . There 's like what , 2 , 3 towns along the way right ? " " Yes dear , 3 to be exact . " Mom beamed " There you go . Thank you so much both of you . Now drive safe . There 's ' a report of a monsoon alert , so get there quick . " And she left . I closed my eyes and kept praying that this was a dream , but then the devil 's voice came . " I 'll be in the car . Hurry up okay . . . " But I had to so I made my way I there and we both sat . As Sean pulled out the drive way , he gave one look to the house , as if saying good bye and thank you . I wondered what that was about . We drove all the way in silence . The journey was terrifying . Partly because of the storm brewing outside and partly because I was afraid that Sean would ask me something . What was I to say ? Hey I know you and Melanie are having sex , good luck ? After a terrible 3 hour drive , where neither of us spoke anything thankfully . We pulled into town We picked up the statue which was in the form of an elephant , looking sort of like a Disney cartoon , mixed with a satirist 's view of what was cute . I didn 't particularly like the statue , but that was to say I didn 't find it curious . The more I looked at it , the more I could have sworn that I had seen it before , which was weird because I would have remembered seeing something so peculiar . " Is this the statue ? " Sean asked my aunt " Oh you guys can take it . Just get home safe . The weather forecast said that the monsoon might be coming . If you want you can stay here overnight ? " I thought about it . It might be good experience . I was about to say yes , when Sean said , " No thank you ma ' am , we really should be going . Got some work in the morning . " Sean laughed and sweetly said , " Oh she 's safe with me . I 'd never let anything harm her ever . " My stomach did a double flip . And so we got in the car and started to make our way back to home . The way back was the same as our first trip . We didn 't say a single word . . . both having different reasons . My being fear and his being confusion . We had just entered the second town , when all of a sudden rain started to pour . At first it was only light , but then it became heavier . I could see that even Sean , who was very good driver , was having problems driving . I knew that Sean was trying his best , but he was struggling and normally he should have stopped , but he was still going . " Well you 're right , it is hard . I am being a stubborn idiot . We can camp out here for the night and leave tomorrow morning . " He called someone on his cell " Hello Aunt Susanne . Hey listen , me and Zoe , we got stranded here in the town . No we 're okay . Yes she 's fine . . . Yes I know , we got it don 't worry . . . Ha - Ha . . . anyways listen the monsoon just took us by surprise , there basically no way I can drive safely tonight and since we 're halfway there , we can 't go back to Aunt Nancy 's place , so we 're gonna stay here . . . Don 't worry . . . Yes I 'll keep her safe . . . Alright . . . Goodbye . " I was left with my mouth hanging . Wow he had really changed . Far from being shy , he could now negotiate and convince my parents . I was impressed , to say the least . " Hey let 's get in before it becomes crazy again . " He said . We ran into the hotel and Sean went up the checkout desk . He came back with the key We made our way to the room and entered it . It was pretty furnished room and seemed pretty comfortable . There was TV , a fridge , a real Fireplace and . . . One bed ? But before he could leave , I grabbed his hand . I didn 't want to be let alone and especially not by him . " Sean , please don 't leave me alone . I 'm scared . " Thunder had always scared me the worse . I had never told anyone about my fear . He looked at me and gave me a smile . It melted my heart to look at that amazing smile . I wondered why I was ever feeling awkward with him in the first place . Lying there under the covers , I asked myself that what the hell was going on . Today all day I was avoiding him and now at night , was going to sleep in the same bed . Where was nature gonna take us . I knew that secretly in my heart that nothing was gonna happen because Sean already had Mel and he would never cheat on her . It was not his nature . I stayed in bed , in the darkness , for some time , listening to the thunder and the shower running . After a while , I heard the shower stop and the door opened . And form the light , Sean came out . He was not wearing a shirt . He got into bed and faced the other side . There was dead silence in the room . It was awkward , but warm . I had never known the heat from a man 's body could be so comforting . I could smell him , his scent , almost taste him through this and it brought back memories of my first kiss , all that time back . The flashes of lightening were making me shiver and I felt like the distance between us would decrease . All of a sudden I felt his back press to mine . I took a deep breath . " Well when we were small and we met , we took a liking to each other . So much so that you declared that you wanted to get married and we did . That statue was our ' priest ' . " He laughed slight " Oh my God " I couldn 't believe it . My face was burning red of embarrassment . I couldn 't believe I had done such a thing , and much less with Sean , the boy I have come to love . I was pondering whether I should continue or not . I decided hiding things would just alienate us further . " Sean I know the truth . I know you actually love Melanie . I figured it out . " Still not turning , he asked , " What are you talking about ? I don 't have a thing for Mel . If anything , she 's like an older sister to me . " I felled angry . Why was he denying it ? " Sean , I know okay , please don 't lie to me . I know you two have been going to a hotel or somewhere every time you drive her off " I said laughing bitterly , holding back tears . Now he laughed , slight , but a true laugh . " Yeah that 's cause she indeed been having sex , but not with me . She 's got a boyfriend . " " Yeah . It 's a secret , but Mel , met a guy in college and fell in love with him . Every time I take her out , I drive her over to his place , where they consummate their love . You fairly know you 'll parents will kick her out if they find out what she 's doing . So this is her secret . " He looked puzzled , " When . . . Oh ! That . . . hey she was just thanking me , remember , she said Sean I love you , thank you for all the help you 've given me . I would never be able to meet Darius without you . " I couldn 't believe it . All a misunderstanding , because I didn 't bother listening to them properly or being honest to my sister and Sean . I hated myself . I really did hate myself . I felt tears start to form around my eyes . I got angry . " What the hell are you laughing at ? It was your fault . M love and hatred for you at the same time had caused me to be like this . And now idiot , you 're laughing at my pain . . . . . But I really am an idiot . No wonder you hate me . " He sighed , and slowly he reached out and touched his finger tips to my cheek . His fingers were so warm , emitting a desire form my body I never knew . I felt compelled to hold him . He looked at me . In the darkness I could envision and feel his strong gaze . " What are you deaf ? I said I , Sean Hammett , am in love with you Zoe Barker . I did , have and will forever continue to love you , beyond death . " I couldn 't believe it , He loved me . He still loved me . I was wrong . He was still in love with me . The guy I had hated , and then come to love , was still in love with me . The moment I understood the truth of this statement , my heart felt like it sopped . Did I deserve this ? Was this a dream ? Was nature playing a cruel trick on me ? I didn 't want it to . If this a dream , please let me stay in this coma . I was beyond bliss . I was beyond ecstatic . I was . . . happy . " But , - but - but " I couldn 't hold back the tears , as they started dripping loosely , " I thought you hated me . You told me that that confession was a mistake . It was hormones . " He looked at me lovingly . " It was all true . You weren 't ready and it was mistake to confess to you before such a big decision . It was hormones because I was worried that if I go with Uncle Derek , I might lose you as you might fall in love with someone while I was gone . " " No selfish reasons really . I had decided originally to stay back . But that night Uncle Derek called me . He talked to me for the first time since proposing the idea . He said he would love to have me and more importantly I should do it for his wife . Since they couldn 't have children ad she was unwilling to adopt a baby , she needed someone to nurture and love . They needed me . I couldn 't ignore that plea . As much as it hurt me to leave you , I did it because I was selfish " I stated laughing , gulping tears . Always the same with him . He was truly an angel . " No you idiot . You always sacrifice your happiness for others don 't you ? " The world outside cried , the lightning ripping the nature of clouds . The birds hid for shelter , the plants feasted on the rain . The moon hid herself from mortals . The stars lost their twinkle . My tears of joy finally flowed . . . And he kissed me ! It was not a regular kiss . Nor was it a kiss of lust . It was an emotional kiss either . It was kiss of freedom . A freedom where I could tell him my emotions ; a kiss where he could tell me his pains ; a kiss where we could finally say the magic words . He pulled his hand and ran it lightly across my face , his fingers lightly touching my skin . His feel was just enough to send shivers down my spine . It made me feel arm like never before . A fire erupted from within my body . And then I felt it . His tongue . It brushed across my lips and on instinct I met his with mine and they intertwined an embrace that would put cobras to shame . I tasted him . Truly tasted him . He was sweet He was a dose of drug for me . I was hungering for him . My tongue and his rolled and we explored the mysterious caverns of each other 's mouths . I didn 't know that kissing could be this sweet . My love had given me two kisses . Both of them sweeter than sugar and addictive than drugs , as it made me feel amazing . " Oh my God Sean , I love you too . Love you so much . I have always wished for this . One day I wished that you would finally be mine . " He put his palm to my breast and squeezed lightly . Again my body moved on its own as I felt myself pushing towards his palm . " Oh that 's amazing . " Then all of a sudden an electric current ran through my body , as he gently flicked my nipple . " Oh what are you doing Sean ? " I asked deeply breathing . He laid me down on the bed and stated kissing my body . He started from neck , making me quiver . His touch was so warm yet so ice cold . It felt like an ice cube was being seductively slid across my body When he reached my stomach he stopped and gave me a loving look , before taking a finger and rubbing it across my slit , outside on my white cotton briefs . That did it for me , My first time being touched by a man , and that one I have loved for soo long , the idea of that put my brain on fire as I lost all senses . Then I felt it , my body felt like mercury had just ran through it and I felt spasms coming on . But it didn 't hurt and I wanted that feeling over and over again . Sean stood up and unbuttoned his shirt . He sat down of the bed and took of his sock , slowly , one at a time . Oh God , he was teasing me soo badly . I was gonna get him . Finally he stood up and lowered his boxers . As soon as he took them off , his hard cock , slipped out . It was my first time seeing a real one . It looked so big , so much more than on the Porn Websites . He gently called me to him . When I approached him , he took my chin in his hand and kissed me . Once , twice , with the most passion one can muster up in that situation for their beloved . I got down on my knees and for the first time was up - close with his meat . God it was big . It looked about 7 - 8 inches to me . I reached out my right hand and slowly , but firmly grabbed it . The moment my hand touched his long hard dick , he released a gasp , betraying the entire coolheaded image he was trying to build . I couldn 't help but giggle . But I was confused too As I moved my hand , Sean started to tense up more slightly and soon he was slightly gasping . Apparently he was feeling amazing . Gradually I built my speed and I said his breathing got louder . I knew he was feeling great and I felt happy knowing I was making him feel this good . When I started to slow down , not sure what to do next , he moaned " Oh don 't stop " , and I knew that the next step was on impulse . Without any warning , or anything I took out my tongue and licked the tip of his dick . I know that must have been the biggest and best surprise in his life , because he knees almost buckled . When he looked down at me with that look , I knew I was right and I opened my mouth and took an inch of his hard pole in my mouth . It was warm in my mouth and it seemed to expand . The first splash of it hit the back of my throat . It went hard , but I manage to hold my ground , promising myself that I would do what I had indented . After the second , third and fourth spurt , he finally stopped and I let his slightly limp cock slip out my mouth . I looked up at him and when his returning senses focused on me , I swallowed . He seemed shell shocked and when I opened my mouth and shoed it was empty , his mouth dropped And with that he pulled my leg and I suddenly fell backwards on the bed . Before I had a chance to respond , he started kissing me . Starting from my ankles , he started to venture up my leg kissing , his each advance , ushering more gasps for me . When he reached my scared vicinity , he looked at me lovingly for approval . How could I deny that face ? And I then nodded . He slowly pulled my panties and slid them off . He looked amazed " You 're shaven ? I looked at him in a naughty but innocent way " Yeah , I always unknowingly did it . I always wondered why . Maybe subconsciously I was hoping when this day came , you 'd like it " He looked elated " I love it . " And immediately bend down and gave my slit a quick lick . The reaction I felt within myself was undeniable . Never had I felt this feeling . I didn 't know what it was but I knew that I wouldn 't stand not getting this blessed feeling again . He obliged and started to lick with fervor . He slipped a tongue in sending me screeching into another orgasm . All my liquids gushing from met the same time . Masturbation had been amazing , but nothing compared to this . I started pressing my slit deeper onto his face . It didn 't discourage him that I was screaming at the top my lungs . He just kept at it . All of a sudden he stopped . Then when he licked my clit , that feeling is one that cannot be described . Scholars and Philosophers have tried to pen it , but all have fallen short . My mind , heart , body , soul and thoughts themselves , were all on fire . I felt like that if even the world was being destroyed , I wouldn 't care , as long I kept feeling this way He stood on the edge and pulled me closer . He took his cock and started rubbing it along my opening , coating it in juices , making it easier to slide in . The feeling of his meat , slapping my pussy was too much to handle He breathed " Alright . Here we go " and breathed quickly , he pushed a couple of inches in letting it slide in till a thin barrier . Oh god it was painful , it was stretching me so much , but the idea of having his dick in me was even more desirable . A slow moan left my mouth and I knew that I was gonna enjoy this form that point . Soon all the pain turned to pleasure and as Sean went faster , my moaning got louder . With ever thrust , I met him with another one of mine , making sure he felt them properly . He was getting faster and faster giving me more pleasure and letting me understand the truth of what love is . Our speed started to increase and Sean got faster and faster . He was a man on fire . He wanted to make sure I enjoyed it as much as he was and I must say that I indeed was . Suddenly he bends down , put his arms under me and swept me up , lifting me . The pressure felt completely different . It felt harder , hotter , but the pleasure was so amazing too . If anything , that increased his desire to make me feel great and speed if possible increased and then it happened . I felt that heaven had become a part of me and I was eating form the sweetest fruit . All my senses already at their summit , experienced another intense session , making my body burst in bliss " I don 't care . As long I 'm with you , I 'm ready to heave your baby . Please Sean . Let me have it " I shouted And then I felt my inside filling with warm baby juice . The feeling was mind - numbing . It was so warm yet so relaxing . I would have taken his cum , even if I wasn 't on the pill . It filled my womb and filled me my limit and started leaking out . Even with his dick plugging my hole , it was still a lot and the moment he lifted me of his shaft , the liquid , started dripping . As we lay on the bed , I put a hand between my legs and took some of it and licked my fingers clean . Wow I never took a chance to comment on the stories I 've read . . . But on this one I just had to . . . You are amazing this is a very nice story nd I wish u could write Chapter2 . . Ur very talented |
Ever since the second day we had TongJie when we found out how much he loved the stacking cups , we 've been saying that he would probably really like to play with Duplo blocks or something . So today when we were out and about , we bought a set of Mega Blocks , which are sort of like huge Legos for toddlers . At first , TongJie was fascinated with taking them out of the bag and carrying them , one by one , to different locations throughout the house , but then I showed him how to stack them together and he 's been totally engrossed in playing with them all evening . You can see how hard he 's concentrating on his work . TongJie slept in kind of late this morning , so his nap was also later . During the time he was napping , I did our budget for June and Jeff worked on a slideshow of our trip to show his kids when he goes back to school next week . I also had time to mow the front lawn . I didn 't mow the back while he was napping because I didn 't know if it would wake him up , since his bedroom is right next to the back yard . It probably would have been fine because he seems like a pretty sound sleeper . He probably learned that from the orphanage , because I imagine there was always a lot of crying and the kids just had to get used to sleeping through it . We went for another long walk after TongJie 's nap , and then Jeff went to music rehearsal at church and TongJie and I had dinner . I found out he loves peas . We had a bag of frozen peas , so I cooked some of those for the first time since we 've been home , and he seemed to love them as much as he loves fruit . I think he especially enjoyed his dinner this evening , and he ended up with rice all over his face . I couldn 't resist taking a couple of pictures . Today marks two weeks since we 've been home from China . Every day TongJie seems to get more and more used to this being his home , and we 're really thankful for that . Thanks to all of you who are reading our blog and praying for us and thinking of us ! We can still use all the prayers we can get for attachment and bonding . We 're seeing signs of TongJie becoming more and more attached to us as his mom and dad , but a lot of the time it 's hard to tell . All three of us got a good night 's sleep last night , finally ! I like that TongJie is sleeping in a little later now so I can get up before him and get ready for the day . It was hard when we were all sleep deprived and not getting to bed until really late and then getting up at 5 : 30 . It 's also hard when I get up at the same time as TongJie because then I 'm having to try to make breakfast for him while he 's crying and all that . It 's so much more enjoyable to have everything ready when he gets up . I sort of feel like it 's cheating or something to get a full night of sleep , because it makes everything so much easier ! Jeff finally slept better last night too . He 's still having a hard time adjusting to the time change , even though it 's been almost two weeks now . Hopefully the trend of being able to sleep at night will continue for him . This morning we walked to the Java Station on Cherry and Miller , with TongJie in the stroller , and with Albert of course . TongJie did great in the stroller , and it was over an hour that we were out walking . The lady in the coffee place let us all come in because she saw me waiting outside with Albert . She said they like dogs . That place is pretty neat now , they 've fixed it up a lot with a seating area and everything . We didn 't stay at the seating area , though . We kept walking as soon as we got our drinks . We 've been making rice cereal and oatmeal with whole milk for TongJie , and he 'll usually eat it with whatever we mix in it . He seems to think that if one of us is feeding him something with a spoon , it must be good enough to eat . The only time he didn 't eat something that we fed him with a spoon was the day we got home from China and he was so tired and upset he wouldn 't eat anything . Usually , even when he gets tired of eating something from his plate , such as scrambled eggs , veggies , cheese , or meat , if we mix it in with his oatmeal or rice cereal he 'll eat it just fine . So today we decided to try tuna in his rice cereal , since he wasn 't too thrilled about the tuna alone . I could tell the concoction wasn 't his favorite , but he still ate it ! I wonder how much longer we 'll be able to use that little trick of mixing things in . Probably not too much longer , so we might as well take advantage of it while we can . As I 've mentioned before , he 's been an excellent eater , so it 's not really a big deal right now anyway . This evening , I got to go to the end of the year Awana awards ceremony . I 've been an Awana leader for the past two years at our church , with the T & T kids ( 3rd - 5th grade ) , and when we went to China of course I had to give that up , at least for awhile . To be honest , I 've really missed Awana , especially my little group of kids on the red team . So I was really looking forward to going to the awards ceremony to see all the kids again and to see them get their awards . It was a really neat ceremony and I had a good time seeing the students , other volunteers , and parents . Several of the kids got up in front of everybody and recited verses that they 've memorized this year and they did a great job . I 'm so proud of all the kids in Awana ; they 've worked hard this year ! It was fun to talk to people that I haven 't seen for a long time . I guess it 's only been less than a month , but it seems like it 's been longer than that because so much has happened in that time . As I was driving to the church this evening , I realized it was the first time since before we left for China that I 've driven a car . Since we 've been back , we haven 't been in the car a whole lot ( except for that trip to Seattle ) and Jeff has been driving . Also , this evening was the first time since we 've had TongJie that I went somewhere without him , aside from the time when I went by myself to do paperwork in the hotel the day before our visa appointment in Guangzhou . This evening , Jeff got him all ready for bed , and by the time I got back around 8 : 15 he was already in his crib and Jeff was reading his Bible to him . He fell asleep a little easier tonight ( probably because Jeff was reading from Numbers , just kidding ! ) and was asleep by 8 : 35 . I think that 's a first ! Well , it 's been one week since we got home from Seattle and TongJie 's doctor appointments , and that seems to have been sort of a turning point in his adjusting to being here in his new home . Even though he had a difficult night last night with waking up crying lots of times , his sleeping and general disposition is still so much better than those first few days at home . We hadn 't had watermelon for a few days but then had some again last night , and TongJie ate a lot of it to make up for missing it all those days I guess , and he still ate a lot of other food too . All that made for an especially heavy , wet diaper in the middle of the night , which was probably part of the reason he was having a hard time . I 'd probably be crying , too , if I had to have that soggy thing attached to me while I was trying to sleep . I 'm realizing that our life here in Wenatchee is not nearly as interesting as it had been while we were in China , so there 's not really much to report these days . One fun new thing is that TongJie has been saying " bye , " only he can 't pronounce it correctly so he says " lye . " Whenever we leave to go somewhere , he waves to the house and says , " Lye . Lye , " over and over again in his quiet little voice . He also says it to one of us if we 're going outside or something , or he 'll say it when he 's playing and he leaves to go into another room , or to Albert and the cats . That 's pretty much the only real word he says , other than sometimes we think he 's saying " hi , " but he doesn 't use that one as consistently . He does make a lot of other noises , just not real words . We went for a walk on the Apple Capital Loop Trail after TongJie 's nap , with Albert too , of course . The weather was kind of cold and windy today , but it was still fun . TongJie usually seems to enjoy being in his stroller , and he enjoyed it today . Sometimes he starts to cry if we stop walking . I guess it 's too boring for him to just sit there and look at the same old things . I didn 't take any pictures while we were walking today . In fact , I only took two picturesYesterday , my mom took the following picture of TongJie . He has that look on his face like he 's ready to get into something that he 's not supposed to ! Hi everybody ! I 'm really tired right now and I think I should be trying to get to bed earlier , since we 're successfully getting TongJie to bed earlier now , so I 'll make this post kind of short . I took some photos of TongJie when we were outside in the back yard this morning , and also I couldn 't resist taking a photo of our cat , Chestnut . TongJie had a little rougher day today , especially this afternoon for a few hours after he woke up from his nap . He woke up crying like he used to when we were in China and the first few days at home , like he was scared . He also took a much shorter nap than the past few days , so we 're wondering if maybe he had a bad dream that scared him and woke him up . I 'm glad he hasn 't been crying like that as much lately , because we feel so bad for him and it 's hard to comfort him . Today he calmed down after awhile , when Jeff took him outside and carried him around . He was still out of sorts for a couple of hours after that incident though , but by this evening he seemed back to his normal self again . We had him ready for bed by 8 : 10 , but forgot to do the ear drops , so by the time that was finally done it was around 8 : 20 . He was asleep within a half hour - he was so tired ! I sure miss going to church ! It 's really nice to be able to listen to the sermons online , but it 's still not the same as actually being there and seeing everybody . Jeff went to church this morning , but TongJie is definitely not ready to be around that many people yet , so I stayed home with him . It was a beautiful day today , despite being windy , so TongJie and I spent a lot of time in our backyard this morning . Inside , he 's usually pretty active with playing or wanting to be held and walked around - he generally does not like to sit on our laps in one place for very long . Outside it 's different . TongJie loves to be outside and he enjoys just sitting and looking at all the new things . Part of it is because the ground is more uneven , so he 's not confident enough to try walking . But also we don 't think he 'd been outside much at all at the orphanage , and even the time we spent outside in China we were always in big cities or he was in a stroller or front pack if we were ever in a park . The idea of his own yard must be rather foreign to him . I 'm sure he 'll get used to it and be running around soon enough , but today he was content to sit on my lap in the grass for a long time , looking all around with wide eyes and every once in awhile reaching out to touch blades of grass or a leaf . After TongJie 's nap , we put him into the stroller and took Albert along for a long walk . We ended up walking to Target because we 've been wanting to get a book light for me for the evenings when we 're in TongJie 's bedroom as he 's falling asleep . So Jeff took TongJie into the store to hunt down a book light and I stayed outside with Albert . We considered pretending that I was blind and Albert was my seeing eye dog so we could all go into the store , but I don 't think Albert or I would have been very believable ! Jeff found a good light , so now I can read my Bible and write in my diary even when it 's dark . Jeff already has a book light , but now he 's jealous of mine because it 's newer and better ! We also stopped by Starbucks since we had a coupon for a free drink . We saw our friend Jim from Awana and I got to talk to him while Jeff went in . Jeff and I used to have a routine of going to Starbucks just about every Thursday evening after church music practice to read and study , so we 've gotten to know some of the people who work at Starbucks and we had told them we wouldn 't see them for awhile because of our trip to China and adoption . Today , a couple of them were working when Jeff went in , so of course they came out and saw TongJie . And of course he just stared at them . When we got home , it was time to start dinner . TongJie was getting fussy because he was hungry . He slumps down helplessly onto the floor many , many times each day and cries and kicks his feet and flails his arms like a beetle stuck on its back . You 'd think he couldn 't sit up or walk if his life depended on it . It must be so frustrating for him to not be able to communicate what he 's upset about . This evening , however , he did something he 's never done before : instead of flopping down and crying , he actually walked over to his high chair and pulled on the tray and then did the sign for " more . " We were very impressed ! He 's obviously making the connection between the sign for " more " and getting food . I think that learning some basic signs will help with cutting down on some of his frustration about communicating what he wants . We 're really excited about that ! After dinner , ear drops , bath , and bedtime routine , we successfully had him into his crib at 8 : 20 . Yes , I know we were five minutes behind our planned schedule of 15 minutes earlier than yesterday . It 's been taking about 45 minutes for him to fall asleep the past couple of nights , but tonight it took a little longer . Luckily I had my brand - new book light ! Poor Jeff had to use his old boring one . TongJie was asleep around 9 : 15 again . He 's been pretty much sleeping through the night . Sometimes he still wakes up crying , but not like he used to . The past few nights we 've been able to comfort him without even picking him up and he calms right down and goes back to sleep . What a huge difference from just a week ago ! I can 't believe how fast he 's getting settled in - it 's amazing ! Like I 've said before , I 'm sure we 'll have our setbacks , but we are so thankful that he is doing this well right now . We continue to see more signs of attachment , as well : Eye contact , smiling when he sees us , calming down from crying quickly when we pick him up , checking back to make sure we 're still there when he 's playing independently , coming up to one of us for a quick hug before going back to whatever he 's doing , and we can even tell a difference just in the way he holds onto us when we 're carrying him . That 's not to say that he always does those things , but it 's happening more often now and that 's encouraging . As for the other pictures , another hand - me - down from Drake and Levi is this plastic sit - on car . Until today , TongJie has shown absolutely no interest in it , but today he 's been using it to push around like a walker to help him walk . He also discovered that the seat lifts up to reveal a storage space and he 's been all over that . He loves any type of container that he can put things into and take them out again , so the storage trunk is right up his alley and kept him busy for most of the evening . Jeff even tried sitting on the car . I wish I could 've gotten a photo of TongJie 's reaction when he saw that - he looked at Jeff in shock and disbelief . We don 't know if it was because he couldn 't believe that someone else was using his car , or if he couldn 't believe that Jeff could sit on something that small ! We took a trip to the library this morning and checked out a couple of books and a DVD on baby sign language . We haven 't watched the DVD yet , but we 've looked at the books and they 're very helpful . I know quite a few basic signs from the kids I work with at school , but we found some more that we couldn 't remember or hadn 't learned yet . We 've been actively working with TongJie on the sign for " more , " and he 's used it appropriately several times now . We 're not certain that he 's really made the connection as to what it means yet , but we 'll keep working on it and see what happens . Last summer , Melonie and Adam had kindly given us a ton of baby supplies and clothes that Drake and Levi have outgrown . Before we left for China , I went through the box of clothing and took out all the 18 - month and 24 - month clothes and a few 12 - month ones and then I put the rest of the box out on the shelves . It turns out that TongJie is wearing 12 - month clothes right now , even though he 's almost 21 months , so he is a fairly little guy . Today we finally got the box back out and dug out the rest of the 12 month clothes , so it 's as if he just got a few new outfits today ! Actually , he 's been wearing a lot of his 18 - month things but they 're just a little big , so I have no doubt that before we know it he 'll have outgrown those 12 - month outfits . It 's fun to be able to get some use out of them while we can though . And he has a lot of clothes in the 18 to 24 range that people have generously given us , so that 's really great ! Since our doc appointment on Tuesday , we 've been collecting poop samples every other day , and today was the last day that we had to take a collection . I ( Crystal ) have absolutely no problem with all things poopy , so I have had the distinct honor of capturing the poo and placing it into the vials . TongJie seems to have no problem producing it , either , especially since he eats so much ! It needs to be tested for parasites and things like that , so today after his latest offering , we took the bag of poop containers to the hospital lab because we thought we could drop it off there . It turned out that we had to take it to the clinic , but I think we finally got it where it needs to go . They will send the results to Dr . Davies ' office at the UW medical center . I took TongJie and Albert for a walk while Jeff made dinner . I wanted to help with making dinner , but TongJie was hungry and fussy and it took one whole person to entertain him while the other person worked in the kitchen , so it was actually more helpful for me to just take him for a walk . We saw Lisa , who lives nearby and had taken care of our house while we were in China . She was working in her yard and it was fun to get to talk to her for a few minutes and for her to get to meet TongJie . Whenever TongJie meets a new person , he just stares with his classic serious expression that you 've probably seen from many of the pictures . After dinner , we got to Skype with Melonie , Drake , and Levi and that was fun . Yesterday I got TongJie into his crib at 8 : 45 and he was asleep by 9 : 30 , so our goal today was to shoot for 15 minutes earlier , which we did . He was in his crib almost exactly at 8 : 30 , and what do you know , he fell asleep right around 9 : 15 , so our plan seems to have worked . At least for tonight , anyway . Last night he did have kind of a hard time in the middle of the night , but it was nothing compared to a week ago ! We 'll probably keep trying for earlier in 15 - minute increments as long as it keeps working . We don 't want to suddenly put him to bed a whole lot earlier , or we 're afraid he 'll only sleep for a couple hours and then wake up like he was doing last week . In reality , we have no clue what we 're doing , but this seems to be working for him so we 'll keep doing it until we get to a more acceptable bedtime , or until our little plan stops working . Only a couple pictures for today , because I forgot to take very many . I 'm sort of lamenting that I didn 't take any photos of the poop samples , but that might have been kind of weird , so maybe it 's for the best . These are two photos of Jeff and TongJie hanging out this morning . He was kind of squirmy and didn 't look too happy for the first photo ! ( TongJie , not Jeff ) We went back to the clinic this morning and found that the TB skin test is in fact positive , so they ordered a chest x - ray for TongJie . The nurse who looked at his arm this morning said it 's likely that it 's a false positive because many countries do a vaccination for TB that sometimes make the skin tests show up as positive . The chest x - ray was not a fun experience , as you can probably imagine . We had to take TongJie 's shirt off because it had metal snaps on it , and since it was a onesie type shirt , we also had to take his pants off , so there he was in just his diaper strapped onto this bicycle seat with his arms up in the air surrounded by plexiglass . Jeff put on the lead jacket so he could be in the room with him , but I went in the back with the x - ray technicians . Luckily it didn 't take too long , but it didn 't make for a good morning . They 'll send the x - ray results to the UW clinic and I 'm pretty sure TongJie will need to take the meds regardless . It doesn 't sound like it 's that big of a deal though , and he seems to think medicine is a yummy treat , based on the reaction we got from the antibiotics he took in China . It 's nice that TongJie is taking afternoon naps consistently now . Jeff also took a little nap this afternoon since he didn 't sleep well last night on the floor in TongJie 's room . In our excitement of picking up Albert yesterday from my parents ' house we forgot to bring his dog food with us , so we went back over there this afternoon to get it . Albert was happy to see my mom again too ! She had offered to deliver the dog food to us , but we figured it would be a fun diversion to get us out of the house and to get more practice for short , fun trips in the car seat . This morning 's chest x - ray car trip was short but not fun . Jeff played drums in Leavenworth this evening with the local polka band , Polka Pals , so I got to practice doing dinner and bedtime by myself and it went pretty well . Also , I got to talk to my friend Heather on the phone for awhile while TongJie amazed me by playing with his plastic shapes by himself , periodically checking to make sure I was still there . When it was bedtime , I got him into his crib by 8 : 45 and he was asleep by 9 : 30 , so he 's still seeming to fall asleep a little earlier every night . I 'm sure we 'll have our share of setbacks , but we 're thankful that things are going so well right now ! Albert seems to be doing a little better but he 's still not his normal self . It 's kind of funny that they both seem jealous of each other . Albert jumped up on my lap this evening , and TongJie , who had been contentedly playing by himself just a moment before , instantly came over and started pulling at my pant leg and wanting to be picked up too . I tried to take some pictures of them together but none of them turned out very good . In fact , a lot of the pictures look kind of fuzzy because the lighting was bad and I didn 't use a flash . Today marks the first week that we 've been home from China - hooray for making it through this past week ! During the time that we were in China and the past week since we 've been back , my parents and my grandma have generously been taking care of our sweet dog , Albert . Today was the day we decided to try having him back , since we 've been getting into a much better routine . After TongJie 's nap this afternoon , we picked up Albert from my parents ' house and he 's been getting settled into his new life here . I think TongJie and Albert will end up really enjoying each other , but right now Albert seems kind of sad . I feel bad for him - I 'm sure he 's confused and jealous . We 're trying to give him lots of attention , but he just sighs and looks at us with sad eyes . TongJie already seems to like Albert and was trying to play " peek - a - boo " with him earlier , but Albert didn 't have a clue what was going on . I took Albert for a walk with TongJie in the front pack while Jeff was at music practice at church and both of them seemed to have a good time . I didn 't take any photos of them together yet . . . maybe tomorrow . In other news , we had to get TongJie 's tuberculosis skin test checked today and it appears that it might be positive , which doesn 't necessarily mean that he has TB ( and even if he did , kids under 10 or 12 are almost never contagious anyway ) , it just would mean that he 's been exposed to TB at some point in his life , and could possibly get it sometime in the future if left untreated . The nurse asked us to come back tomorrow morning for a second opinion from someone else , so we 'll know more then I guess . I think if it 's positive , the next step would be a chest x - ray and then medication . If the skin test result is in fact positive , I think he still has to have medication regardless of whether or not the x - ray shows any symptoms , just different types of meds depending on what the x - ray finds . It sounds like the medications need to be taken for quite some time , so I 'm not really looking forward to that . Like I said , we 'll know more tomorrow . We 're just REALLY thankful that kids under 2 didn 't have to have the TB skin test done in China , otherwise the potentially positive result might have meant a delay in us leaving the country ! Last night , we all slept well in TongJie 's room , and he took a nap at a normal time today , so I think we 're slowly getting into an acceptable routine . Bedtime is still later than we 'd like , but we 're trying for a little earlier every night . We had him in the crib by 8 : 45 tonight , but it 's an hour later and he 's still wide awake , babbling and laughing . At least he doesn 't usually cry in his crib anymore if one of us is right there with him . Man , those first few nights we were back home , Jeff and I were both starting to feel pretty discouraged by all of the sleep issues , but here we are a week later and things are going SO MUCH better . Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement ! Only one photo from today : Jeff giving TongJie his bottle before bed . We 're almost out of the formula we got in China , so we bought some at Target yesterday and we 've been mixing the Chinese formula with the new stuff because we were worried the different taste would bother him . We haven 't noticed any reaction from him , so apparently Target formula tastes okay . I put a question mark after the title , " settling in , " because I feel like it 's still too early to tell if we 're actually establishing any type of schedule or if it 's just wishful thinking . We all got to bed before midnight last night and slept until almost 6 : 00 this morning , so that was great . TongJie only woke up crying once in the middle of the night but went back to sleep without getting himself all worked up . Because of the vaccinations yesterday , poor TongJie was pretty cranky today , especially in the morning . We kept busy by all of us going to the Eastmont school district office to get some insurance paperwork turned in and then a trip to Washington Park to check out the baby swings . Probably partly because of his bad mood , TongJie was not overly impressed with the swing like we expected him to be , but he seemed to enjoy it a little bit . I bet after he 's feeling better he 'll enjoy it more . He did like the other play equipment and was fascinated with going up and down the steps holding onto my or Jeff 's hands , and going down the slide in one of our laps was also a big hit . Pastor Pat and Jeannie came over for a short visit around 11 : 00 and TongJie promptly fell asleep after getting frustrated over his lunch , but at least they got to see him for a short time and it was good for me and Jeff to get to visit with them . Jeff and I got him into his crib without waking up and he slept for about 2 and a half hours . We both took a nap too because we feel like we 'll never know when we 'll get the next opportunity to sleep if we don 't take advantage of it while we can ! We went to a couple of stores this afternoon . We were sort of apprehensive about all three of us going because we didn 't want to run into a lot of people at once and we thought it might be still kind of early for an outing like that , but it turned out fine . We saw a few people here and there that we knew , and it was fun to talk to them and not too overwhelming for TongJie . So we 're glad we all went out and about , plus it gave TongJie some practice going on short trips in the car seat that didn 't end with getting poked at by doctors ! Jeff 's mom came over around dinner time for a short visit and that was fun . Jeff 's dad was working so couldn 't make it this time , so we 'll have to visit with them again soon . After dinner , Jeff went to the church to catch the end of youth group , which is the last youth group meeting of the year . He had fun seeing everybody , and I told him to say hi to everybody for me . We miss our church family a lot . While Jeff was gone , I took TongJie for a walk in the front pack around the neighborhood and by the time we got back he was falling asleep . He was asleep in his crib by 8 : 00 and I didn 't even get a chance to give him his bottle , but then he woke up around 9 : 30 and now Jeff is giving him a bottle , so we 'll see what happens . I was reminded of another thing while we had all our appointments with different doctors and specialists the past couple of days . Most of them asked us the correct way to pronounce TongJie 's name , and I suppose there are a lot of people reading this blog who don 't know how we pronounce it . It looks like " Tong Jee " with a long " e , " but the Mandarin pronunciation is actually " Tong Jay " with a long " a . " Actually , the Mandarin pronunciation is more like " Tong Jee - ay " but the Americanized version is Tong Jay with the long a . So in case you 're wondering how to pronounce his name in your head as you read our blog posts , now you know . Just think of salad tongs and the letter J . Or a blue jay or something . Oh , one thing I keep forgetting to mention is that way back when we began our adoption process over a year ago , Wacap gave us a timeline that told us all the steps that needed to be completed from the very first application clear up until post - placement visits after returning from China . After we got matched with TongJie at the end of November , we put the timeline up on our refrigerator with TongJie 's picture on it and made a red arrow magnet that says " you are here . " Every time we completed another step , we would move the magnet down so we could stay motivated through the mounds of paperwork and waiting . When we left for China , we moved the arrow to the step that says " Family travels to China , " but there are still several steps on the timeline after that , like things that we had to complete in China and things to do now that we 're back . Anyway , we noticed when we got home that the arrow had been moved to keep track of what we had done in China - the Stromings or my parents must have been following our blog and keeping track on the timeline for us ! We thought that was pretty neat . Here 's a photo of our timeline that I took a couple of days before we left for China . Notice TongJie 's photo - that was his referral photo that we got when we were very first matched with him in November , and that photo was from July when he was 10 months old . Many of you probably have seen that same picture before because we carried it around with us and showed a lot of people during those five months of waiting , but we couldn 't post it online or anything because of child privacy laws . A funny thing is that I was slightly worried that we wouldn 't recognize him because it was 10 months since the picture was taken , but when we got him at the Civil Affairs Office in Hangzhou I had no trouble recognizing him . His eyes and his serious expression still look exactly the same to me . Here 's a funny picture that I found on our camera - this is at our hotel in Beijing , I think . This is how Jeff had to charge up his Flip Cam because of the way the outlets were . It just barely fit between the charger and the wall ! If it would have been a little longer or a slightly different placement , it wouldn 't have worked . ( Thanks , Meegan , for letting us borrow your adapter ! ) Another picture from a few days ago . I think this was our first day at home . TongJie was sleeping in the front pack and I sat down and Chestnut had to jump up on my lap too . Two photos from the park today - doesn 't TongJie look thrilled ? It 's hard to get pictures of him smiling , but he really does smile a lot . Today he was pretty serious though because he was so tired and out of sorts from the shots yesterday . I remembered that even though I can 't get the photos to upload to Blogger , I can use the old email trick that we used in China . The only problem is that I can 't choose what order the photos will show up . POLITICALLY INCORRECT ALERT : We saw a store in Seattle called " Free People " and couldn 't helping taking a picture of it with the caption " Why did we travel all the way to China when we could 've gotten one here for free ? " I hope nobody reading this blog is too easily offended , because that was obviously a joke - we wouldn 't trade TongJie for anybody in the world , free or not ! A photo of the welcome home sign that our friends from youth group and Awana made for us , placed in our home by the Stromings as a surprise for us when we got home from China . Also a photo of the waiting room at the medical center this morning . I think TongJie was disappointed we didn 't get to wait longer so he could check out all the cool toys ! We had a much better night ( or shall I say " morning " ) of sleep last night . After getting TongJie to sleep around 2 : 00 am and ourselves to sleep shortly after that , we all slept soundly until after 10 : 30 this morning and that was very nice ! We checked out of our hotel , drove to the UW Medical Clinic and got checked in , and then walked around on some of the nearby streets since we had some time to kill . We found a fun donut shop and had a donut and some coffee and tea and TongJie had some of his baby mum - mums . Jeff said that the maple bar was better than the ones at church , no offense to the breakfast people at church , ha ha ! Our appointment was at 1 : 30 with Dr . Davies , and we really like him ! He was so easygoing but also very knowledgeable . He had a lot of good recommendations for us , but also a lot of encouragement that everything is on the right track and going just the way it should for life with a newly adopted toddler . There 's some concern about TongJie 's low weight and small stature so Dr . Davies ( as well as Children 's Hospital ) wants to keep a close eye on his growth , but he seems pretty optimistic that with proper nutrition he 'll keep growing proportionately like he should . The hardest part was that at the end of the appointment , TongJie had to get a TB test ( the one that he didn 't have to get in China ) , four other shots in his legs , and a lot of blood drawn . Jeff and I were mostly nervous about the blood drawing because we were worried they wouldn 't be able to get it on the first or second try and that would be pretty traumatic , but they got the blood they needed on the first try . They had to put it in like 8 or 9 different vials , but the nurse was quick to point out that there really wasn 't a lot of blood in each vial . It still looked like a lot to me . TongJie was pretty upset , but he recovered quickly and actually did better in the car seat on the way home than he did yesterday . He slept for about an hour , then woke up right before Snoqualmie pass and cried intermittently the rest of the way home , but hWe went for a little walk this evening and then ate a late dinner and started the bedtime routine , which consists of putting on jammies , having a bottle of formula , brushing teeth , and then winding down and getting in the crib with me and Jeff saying poems and singing songs . We 're sleeping in TongJie 's room on the floor and that seems to help him be okay with falling asleep in his crib . That 's another big improvement since even a few days ago , because it didn 't used to matter to him if we were there or not and now it 's seeming to help to have us there , so we 're encouraged that it 's another little sign of attachment we 're seeing . He fell asleep around 10 : 30 , so we 're wondering if he 'll stay asleep for the whole night , or if his body still thinks this is an afternoon nap and he 'll be up at midnight again . We 'll find out soon enough I guess . Once again , we had another rough night last night . I won 't go into the details , but we ended up finally getting to sleep sometime after 3 : 30 , then had to get up at 6 : 30 to leave for Seattle . TongJie was not happy in his car seat and cried pretty much from Blewett Pass to Children 's Hospital . Good thing we had our ear plugs ! Once at Children 's Hospital , we had appointments with four different people , but we had to wait for awhile first . Children 's is a pretty neat place . In our waiting room , we talked to a couple who had a newborn with cleft lip and palate . They liked TongJie and were interested to hear about his lip repair , but we don 't know a lot about the actual surgery since it happened in China . We also saw a 9 year old girl who had recently had a hip graft surgery to close the gap in her palate . TongJie will also have that surgery when he gets older . There was a man walking around playing a ukulele and singing children 's songs for the kids who were waiting , and TongJie was interested in that . When it was finally our turn , the nurse weighed and measured TongJie . We had to take his diaper off when they weighed him - it 's a good thing I had just changed his diaper right before or he would have weighed a lot more ! He 's about 20 pounds , which is consistent with when he got weighed at his medical exam in China . We met with a pediatrician who specialized in cleft lip and palate and then the craniofacial surgeon who will be the one performing TongJie 's surgery . They want to give him time for adjustment , but also they want to track his measurements for awhile because of his small size and they want to make sure he 's growing like he should and there 's not an underlying issue that needs to be corrected or managed first . So it sounds like , if he grows proportionately over the summer , his palate surgery will probably happen in the fall . After the surgeon , we met with a social worker who talked to us about insurance , early intervention programs , speech therapy , and stuff like that . Finally , we met with a craniofacial nurse who told us about lots more details about the palate surgery and what to expect . We 'll have to go back to Children 's at least once more before the surgery because TongJie still needs to have a hearing assessment , and the doctors want to track his growth over the summer . He fell asleep during the last two appointments , so it was nice that we were able to stay in the same room the whole time and not have to move from place to place . The specialists all came in to the same room to meet with us there . Upon waking up , TongJie was rather grumpy because of the rude awakening and it was raining outside . We were really hungry , so we checked into our hotel and then walked to a McDonald 's for a late lunch . Now we 're back in our hotel room and TongJie is still pretty grumpy and we 're all tired . We 'll see what happens this evening and tonight . We meet with Dr . Davies at 1 : 30 tomorrow , so at least we 'll be able to sleep in if we end up staying up ' til 4 : 00 am again . It 's Sunday afternoon and I 'm just about ready for bed but am posting a quick update from today . First of all , we really miss being at church . Yesterday , Jeff was thinking that he might make it to church this morning but we had another rough night and didn 't get to sleep until 5 : 00 am or so again , so decided it probably wouldn 't be a good idea . The good thing is that TongJie got up at 10 : 00 am and has had a much more normal schedule today , taking a nap in the early afternoon and eating dinner at a normal time . We got him asleep in his crib around 9 : 30 but now he 's up again and crying . I have a feeling this will be a long night . Jeff is carrying him around now , but it 's my turn pretty soon . Not looking forward to leaving at 7 : 00 in the morning for a long drive . My parents and also my grandma have kindly been taking care of our dog , Albert , while we 've been in China and during our adjusting at home . They report that he 's been a very good dog , which doesn 't surprise us because he really is a wonderful dog . They brought him over to visit early this afternoon right before TongJie took a nap . Albert was so excited to see Jeff and I , and we were happy to see him too because we 've missed him . TongJie was wary of him , but didn 't seem too scared . Albert didn 't seem to care much either way about TongJie . I think after things settle down , they will end up enjoying each other a lot . Albert had fun running around in his own yard and checking everything out . My parents took him back to their house because we 're leaving tomorrow for Seattle for a couple days so today wouldn 't have been a good day to take Albert back for good . Maybe we 'll regain permanent custody of him on Wednesday if things are going well ! We went for a walk before dinner and TongJie was rather fussy and didn 't seem very happy even in his stroller . Jeff barbecued chicken for dinner and that was a big hit . TongJie ate and ate . Tonight we gave him veggies , chicken , sweet potatoes , and cheese before we even got out any fruit and that was a good idea because he ate the other food first . Usually he 'll go for the fruit right away and fill up on that , but when we gave him the other stuff first he still " miraculously " had all kinds of room for honeydew melon even after eating everything else . Tomorrow we have an appointment at Children 's Hospital about TongJie 's cleft palate . We have no idea what to expect , but we 're hoping for possibly a timeline for when we might be able to get his surgery scheduled . We were able to get his two Seattle appointments on consecutive days , so we 'll stay overnight in another hotel ( oh joy ! ) and then have his appointment with Dr . Davies on Tuesday at the UW Medical Clinic . We 're looking forward to meeting with Dr . Davies because we 've really been impressed with him during all the phone and email conversations we 've had with him . He specializes in pediatric care for kids who are adopted from overseas , so we 're glad that he won 't act like TongJie 's small size , late development , or general health are shocking . We do know that the next couple of days will be stressful for all three of us , but we 're feeling okay about it because at least everybody will be speaking English and we don 't have to travel on any trains or airplanes ! I doubt the breakfast in this hotel will be as good as the fancy hotels we stayed at in China though - they probably won 't even have watermelon . |
Yesterday I had such a good day . One of my co - workers asked if I wanted to go shopping with her and even though I don 't normally like to shop , I said yes . We ended up going to the Half of the Half Price Store . It 's a huge warehouse like store where they sell name brand clothes marked way down . Some of the clothes have stains or holes , but most are perfectly fine . I ended up getting 2 pairs of pants and 6 tops for $ 50 . It 's been almost a year since I have bought clothes for myself and I was really in need of some different work clothes . For the last year I have only been spending money on things I need . It 's been a huge adjustment going from a two income household to just one . Most people have a financial safety net , but really I only have me to depend on . It really makes me watch my money . But I also think there needs to be some balance and you need to allow yourself some flexibility when it comes to money . This has been really hard for me and I have noticed that I am not allowing myself to also have a little bit of fun . I am very thankful that this co - worker helped me see that it 's OK to spend some money on myself and more importantly to have a little bit of fun . I think I have found one of Sophie 's sisters . Here is a picture of Sophie : And here is a picture of Scamp . Scamp lives with the sister of one of my co - workers . Scamp was given to my co - workers sister after the liter of dogs was born . My co - workers sister said she wanted the runt and Scamp came home with them . I found Sophie at 23rd and Benton and Scamp was at 23rd and Denver . The streets Benton and Denver are only blocks away from each other . Both Scamp and Sophie will be 10 in June . Scant is a very scared dog and does not like new people . When I walked in she came right to me and sat down at my feet . She kept licking my hands and was smelling my shoes . I wonder if she could smell her sister ? Scamp is smaller then Sophie , but she was also the runt of the liter . The more we talked the more we realized how much the dogs have in common . Both will roll their faces in the snow , both lay the exact same way with their necks are bent around and both have a tendency to get bladder infections . We had fun comparing stories . I think it is totally wild that they could be sisters . It really is a small world . We are thinking of trying to get them together to see how they react to each other . I would also like to thank all of you that commented in my previous post . I loved hearing from so many of you that don 't normally comment . And boy do I have a lot of readers in Canada . I wonder if my readers from Canada think I am crazy for loving the snow and cold weather . Just remember . . . . as long as you keep commenting then the kitty will be fed . : ) It 's been a very busy day . It got started early when I had to take the pets to the old house . Because Ben is so good at hiding when he realizes he is going in the kennel I had to be kind of sneaky about everything this morning . Last night I got out the kennel and set it in the living room so there would be no running away from it in the morning . I took Sophie for a short walk and the loaded her up in the car . I then went back and got the cats . Ben knew something was up so he went under the bed . I had to trick him into thinking he was getting a can of moist cat food for him to come out . Once I got him in the kennel ( boy was he mad ) I then went and got Bonk who was just sitting on the bed watching everything . I love Bonk because I think she is not all there and so she is usually not too aware of what is going on . As we were driving , Sophie had this look of fear . She knew something was up since the cats were in the car with her . The closer we got to the old house the more excited Sophie became . When we pulled up she was jumping all around and couldn 't wait to get out of the car . Seeing her so excited just broke my heart . I knew she really missed the house . When I let her in the backyard she went running and seemed so excited to be running in her yard . I put them all in the same room and then headed to work . I felt so bad leaving them and worried about them most of the day . When I got off work I went and picked them up . I allowed Sophie about 15 minutes in her yard and then we headed back to the apartment . As we pulled up to the complex Sophie got very excited . When I opened the car door she went running out . Once we got in the apartment she laid down and went to sleep . All day I worried about the pets and sad because I felt like I had taken them from their home . I started thinking about my neighbor and it just made me angry . Dogs bark and if you live in a complex that allows pets , then you need to be patient when a dog barks now and then . Seeing how excited Sophie was when she was in the yard made me sad that she no loPosted by I had a notice on my door from my apartment complex saying they are going to be spraying my apartment tomorrow . On the notice it said to restrain all animals / pets . I went by the managers office to ask what they suggest I do since I am in a studio . The manager asked if I had a kennel for Sophie and when I told her no , she gave me the weirdest look . She seemed very shocked that I don 't put Sophie in a kennel . She then told me to just put her and the cat ( they think I only have one ) in the bathroom for the day . I 'm not too sure how this will work out because like my apartment , my bathroom is very small . I 'm not real sure what to do . The manager then let me know that my upstairs neighbor has been complaining about Sophie barking . This completely shocks me . Sophie really doesn 't bark that much and I am not sure why someone would complain about it . I told the manager that last Saturday there was a party at the club house and there were about 15 kids right next to my building that were very loud and Sophie was barking at them . These kids were so loud and so close to the apartment that I was getting annoyed at them . I really hope the manager does not think I am going to be a problem tenant . When I moved in this neighbor was really nice and told me that if he ever made to much noise to just let him know . I really wish he had done the same and just let me know that Sophie 's barking was bothering him . I went to this neighbors door to apologize and let him know to just let me know if Sophie is barking too much , but he didn 't answer the door . It 's weird because as Sophie and I were walking up to the managers office this neighbor came home and I said HI to him . He didn 't even look up when he said Hi to me . The funny this is , when Sophie saw him tonight she barked at him . You tell him Sophie . . . . . * Update * This morning I took all the pets back to the old house so they would be out of the way when they spray my apartment and I saw one of my other neighbors . This guys also has a dog and I asked him if Sophie barked too much and he laugPosted by Today is a new day and I am thankful for that . Last night I was so tired , my stomach was really upset ( remind me to wait a few more days before I have BBQ sauce ) and I realized once I went to bed that I am PMSing . So all of those things along with still getting over the flu made my mood really foul last night . I even snapped at Sophie and made he lay on the bed for 30 minutes . She kept looking at me like , " why are you so mad at me ? " I felt horrible for snapping at her and made sure she got lots of extra kisses before we went to sleep . And when she got me up at 1am to go outside I didn 't even mind . This morning I spent a few minutes going through my post from this time last year . I realized that I have come so far and my life is so much better . It was really helpful reading those posts and seeing how bad I was and that things are not that bad and I was likely just having a bad day . Then I came across this picture and my heart completely melted . It was taken when I was in New Mexico visiting Lynilu . With a dog this cute and loving my life can never be that bad . I don 't know if I am still trying to recover from the flu or if my meds are not working . I am just kind of feeling blah and not real motivated to do anything . At work I have about 4 evaluations to do and I just can 't seem to make myself complete them . It doesn 't help that these 4 techs are not exactly my shining stars and it 's like pulling teeth to get them to just do their job . I have given myself until Friday to complete them , but setting up the meeting with the techs to go over the evaluations will have to be a whole different goal . I think I am kind of lonely as well . I miss having someone special in my life and wonder how long I will have to wait until she comes into my life . Sometimes it just doesn 't seem fair that others find love so much easier then me . At times like this I look at myself and see that I am overweight and know that this has to be part of the reason I am not finding someone . Then there is part of me that knows I don 't want to be with someone that just looks at the outside . One of my friends is a friend with benefits . She tells me all the time that I am beautiful and sexy and anyone would be lucky to be with me . At times I believe her and then other times I wonder if that was so true then she would want to be with me as much as I want to be with her . Sometimes life just sucks . I watched the movie August Rush over the weekend . It was a good movie , but I am not sure how realistic it was , but it was still really good . Watching it got me thinking about my own feelings of being adopted and wanting to know my birth parents . I have always known I was adopted . My parents always told my brother and I that we were chosen and we should never be ashamed because we were adopted . I remember wondering about my birth mom as early as 8 years old . I have always wondered what she looked like and if I looked like her . When I was 26 I got the paperwork showing the story behind my adoption as well as my birth parents information . I will never forget the day the paperwork came in the mail . As I sat and read about my birth parents I realized I was finally learning a little about them and some questions were finally answered . Here are some interesting facts about my birth parents : * My birth mom 's birthday is just one week after mine , so we are both Gemini 's * My birth mom has a twin sister * My birth mom is only 5ft and my birth father is only 5 ' 5 . ( I am 5 ' 4 so I guess you could consider me tall for the family ) * My birth mom only weighed 105lbs ( I was over 7lbs when I was born so that explains the difficult delivery ) * My birth mom has light brown hair and blue eyes ( Sound like someone you know ? ) * My birth mom was 24 when I was born and my birth father was 25I also have their names . A few months after I got this paperwork I tried to find my birth mom . I paid something like $ 50 to a company and they gave me the name of a woman living in Minnesota . I talked with this woman and I am pretty sure it was my birth mom . She seemed to know what I was talking about , but denied having placed a child up for adoption . Then again it might not have been her , but I got a feeling that it was her . I often wonder if my birth parents think of me . I wonder if they have ever thought of finding me , and if they have what has stopped them . There seems to be so many questions and not enough answers . In the last few years the fact that I was adoptedCaroline Not too surprising , but the Easter bunny brought me 2 new pair of Crocs . When Lynilu was visiting we went to two different Dicks Sporting Goods looking for a pair . The first place didn 't have the pair I wanted so we decided the next day to go to another store . The kid at the second place was so rude to me and acted like I was crazy for wanting a pair of the shoes that no one wants and he pointed out how they can 't even get the ones they have to sell . I know there are many people out there that hate Crocs , but I personally love them . They are comfortable to me since I am on my feet almost all day . I have found either you love Crocs or you hate them . When we left the second Dicks the kid told me he would call a couple other stores and let me know when he found a pair . Four hours later I still had not heard from him . Because he was so rude to me in the beginning I called back and spoke with the store manager . He apologized and said he would do some checking and call me right back . Within 5 minutes he called back and said they had 20 pairs in the back . I was upset because I had asked the kid if they had any in the back and he said No . And this store is not exactly close to my house . So when I went and picked them up on Friday I was happy to see the manager gave me 20 % off . So that is the story of how the Easter bunny brought me 2 pairs of Crocs . My other gift was a new comforter . I wanted to take a picture , but Ben is sound asleep on the bed and I didn 't want to move him . I have bee sleeping with my sleeping bag as my comforter for the past two months . When Ben was having accidents on the bed I took the comforter off and used the sleeping bag . He stopped having accidents so I knew I could not put the comforter back on . And I probably would have used the sleeping bag for much longer if it hadn 't been for the extra money that came in this past week . My bed finally looks like a bed again and I am thrilled with my choice of new comforter . Well , it 's back to work tomorrow . My stomach is still pretty sensitive and I think IPosted by We know the love that God has for us , and we trust that love . God is love . Those who live in love live in God , and God lives in them . I John 4 : 16 Posted by I finally found something other then the pets to take pictures of . I can 't wait until spring really comes to life outside . These tulips have really given me inspiration to get out there and take pictures of all the things coming to life . Look who wanted to see what was going on . Every once in a while I will hear a song that speaks right to my heart . I heard this song this morning and well , I think I am in love . Not only is this an awesome song , but I love the singer . I heard on the radio today that she was the winner of England 's version of American Idol ; X - Factor . I can 't wait to hear more of her songs . Be sure to check out the video ; you won 't be disappointed . After almost 3 days of no solid food , I finally was able to eat a sandwich today . I woke up this morning so hungry and anything I looked at sounded good . It 's always a bad idea to go grocery shopping when you are hungry , but when you go after only crackers and soup for 3 days you can find yourself in a lot of trouble . I plan on doing nothing rest of the weekend . I got my laundry done today , cleaned the house and now I am done . Oh and wait until you see what the Easter bunny brought me . ~ No one has to worry about me becoming bulimic . ~ The worst part about getting sick and living by yourself is the cleaning up part . I almost got sick again while cleaning up the bathroom . ~ Sprite tastes really good . ~ Dogs like crackers ( no surprise ) , but I was surprised to learn that cats also love saltine crackers . Go figure . ~ Sophie is the best dog ever . On Thursday when I could barely walk to the bathroom she was patient with me when I just walked her 10 feet out the door . She even went " poop " without having to walk our normal 1 / 2 mile . ~ Ben loves to sleep right next to me when I have a fever . I think he thought I was his own personal heating pad . ~ Even if you feel OK that does not mean you are ready to enter the real world again . I went to pick up a pair of Crocs I had placed on hold last weekend and just the drive to the store took the little energy I had . I then stopped at the grocery store and realized how tired I was and went straight home before I passed out . ~ Having the flu is wonderful for losing weight . Not eating anything for 2 days ( plus getting rid of any food I had on Wednesday ) has helped me lose 5 pounds . ~ It sucks to be hungry , but have no appetite . ~ I am trying to figure out why I got the flu shot ? ~ I read on the Internet that virus ' can not be passed between humans and pets , but I wonder what is going on with all the sickness that has been going on with me and all pets in my home . Sophie had diarrhea on Sunday morning , Lynilu 's dog China got sick on Sunday , Bonk threw up a little ( might have been a hairball ) , Sadie threw up twice , Ben seems to have a cold and then I got sick . I am thinking I need to scrub my entire apartment down with bleach . The good news is I am finally able to keep food down . Yesterday I had Sprite , water , a few crackers and some sherbet . The sherbet just sounded good and it actually really calmed my stomach . Am I feeling better ? Well , I am not going to the bathroom every 30 minutes , but I woke up about 5 times last night coughing . When I woke up this morning my chest felt tight and I felt like I couldn 't catch my breath . Now that I am up and more awake I don 't have that feeling as bad now , but I have a feeling I have not seen the end of this horrible flu thing . My wonderful friend who brought me the Sprite and crackers also brought me this beautiful tulip plant . My apartment really needed a plant or flowers , so it has really made the place seem more alive . As usual my work has been wonderful . I have received calls from most of my co - workers , emails asking if I need anything and several of my techs have called saying they were thinking of me . I am sick , but from all the attention my work is giving me you would think I had something more serious then the flu . But it still feels good to know that they are thinking of me and I can call them if I need anything . I asked my co - workers N & L to let the techs know that the weekend supervisor is on vacation this weekend and to call me if they have any problems . Both N & L emailed me back and said they would have the techs call them this weekend so I could rest and get better . I know I keep saying this , but I truly have the best co - workers / friends . When I first started getting sick Wednesday night I was really scared because I was by myself . It has been a loooong time since I have thrown up , so the feeling really scared me and it was pretty traumatic . I quickly realized that I am not alone and I have so many people that care and love me . I really am blessed . * Warning : If your stomach is sensitive you may want to skip this post * I am sick . I am really sick . About 9pm last night I took a bath and started feeling sick to my stomach . I was pretty scared because it has been since high school since I have thrown up . ( I will do anything to avoid throwing up ) I am not sure what was worse : throwing up my entire dinner or throwing it up in the bathtub . I had to sit in the tub until I could get up . It was horrible . I am so thankful that my boss did pick up Sadie last night because I don 't think I could have taken care of both dogs while I am sick . I was up every 30 minutes last night getting sick . I really think there is nothing left inside of me . I am trying to drink some water , but I am not able to keep that down . I don 't even think I could make it to the store just up the street , so I emailed a friend asking her to bring me something this afternoon . I don 't know if I ate something bad or have the flu , but this is no fun at all . Oh , and I will not be having what I ate last night ever again . I think this explains me feeling insecure last night . I had a knot in my stomach all day and it just kind of hurt . I forgot that I get insecure when I am sick . I am going back to bed and don 't plan on getting up all day . Sometimes I get so insecure and it comes out of nowhere . I hate when this happens . I am having one of those days where I am feeling insecure and the weird thing is it just started about 2 hours ago . My boss called me today and they are on their way back to KC and will be flying out on Monday for her aunts funeral . She asked how Sadie was and I told her she was going good now , but we had a rough day on Monday . I explained what happened and she was sorry that Sadie was even a little bit of trouble . Really it was OK , but I was just worried about Sadie because I hate it when I am watching a dog and the dog just really freaks out . About 30 minute ago my boss called me again and said they thought it would be better if they picked Sadie up tonight instead of tomorrow . I understand because if this was my dog and I knew Sophie had been upset I would want to get her as soon as I got home . But then the insecurities set in . I am worried that my boss now thinks I didn 't do a good job taking care of Sadie . I know that is not true , but I still think that sometimes . All of my life I have felt like I have these standards to live up to and it seems that I am always falling short . Sometimes I feel like I am just not good enough and I will never be . I felt this way a lot last spring when Laura left me . I felt like if I had done this or that differently then maybe she would have chosen me in the end . I now know that I was good enough and it is Laura 's problem , etc . But sometimes I forget and have to remind myself that I am OK just the way I am . So tonight once Sadie is picked up I will try to remember all the good things about myself . I feel like I didn 't get much sleep last night . I got busy doing something and didn 't get to bed until 11 : 30pm . I am usually in bed by 10 : 30 , but I didn 't think this extra hour would make a difference . Boy was I wrong . At 12 : 30am I got a call from the security system for my work saying the fire alarm was going off at one of the residential buildings . I was half asleep when I answered the phone and I know the guy probably thought I was crazy or on something . When I first answered the phone I think I was still dreaming , but when he asked me " So you want me to take you off the list " I became more alert and wondered what I said for him to say that . I called the residential building and the tech said , " We have a fire here ! " . I am wide awake at this point . Come to find out , the fire alarm just went off and there was no fire . The fire department was dispatched and looked over the entire building and didn 't find anything . I am thinking one of the clients was smoking in their room and that set off the alarm . I hope this will teach them not to smoke in their rooms . But after that call it was really hard falling back asleep . Then Sadie woke me up at 5 : 30am to eat . I managed to get her to go back to sleep until 6 : 30am when I got up and fed her and Sophie and then took them for a walk . But boy am I tired this morning . I can barely keep my eyes open . I am the only supervisor in the building today , so I am hoping I wake up soon in case someone asks me something important . Can you guys go over and give a friend of mine some support . She is going through a really hard time right now and really needs a lot of encouragement . My heart goes out to her because I know exactly how she is feeling and going through . She needs to know that she will be OK and that she is worth it . A few days ago I got a letter from the company I was using for my home security system . I had the system turned off and I was expecting to pay money to get out of the contract . I was surprised to see they had applied our deposit to the balance and in the end I would owe them only $ 34 . I was really relieved to see I didn 't owe them more . Well , today I got what I thought was another letter from the company . My first thought was , " yep they made a mistake and I actually owe them a lot more . " I didn 't open the letter for two hours and when I did I was shocked and amazed to see a check for $ 240 ! ! ! ! I really am shocked over this . It 's money I wasn 't expecting but could really use . I am working really hard at taking care of some of my old bills and rebuilding my credit . I hardly ever buy anything for myself . For example : I am have been wearing the same pair of Crocs for a year . I really should have bought some new ones 6 months ago , but I felt that I shouldn 't spend the money . So I think I am going to take at least part of this extra money and buy myself a couple things I have been wanting for a while . I know the first thing on that list is a new pair of Crocs . I also wanted to let everyone know that Sadie is doing so much better . It looks like she had a good day and is very calm and relaxed . Oh and there was no throw up to clean up , so I think she is going to be just fine . I will be doing a post tomorrow on my question I asked you guys . I know I didn 't give you a lot of details , but I promise to give more details in my post . Last night when I went to bed I had Sadie get up on the bed and lay down next to me . She put her head on the pillow and she took up most of the bed . ( Just ask Lynilu about how Sadie hogs the bed ) I laid on the bed with her for about 2 hours just petting her and hoping she was calming down . She put her head on my neck and feel asleep . As she normally does , she woke me up at 5 : 30am to eat . I was happy to see that she ate her food just fine and then went back to sleep . When I got up she was kind of anxious so I took her for a walk and she pooped and peed . About 5 minutes after we got back inside she threw up again . I am not sure what is worse : cleaning up dog puke or seeing the sad look on her face . I decided that I needed to call the vet . I didn 't want to call my boss because the last thing she needs right now is worrying about Sadie . The vet said that it could be from her eating different food , stress or a virus . They told me not to feed her until late tonight and just to give her a little bit to see if she keeps it down . She is drinking water , so I know she is not dehydrated . I sure hope she is better when I get home , but I still sit here and worry about her . I ended up coming into work about 30 minutes late and I will probably leave a little early as well . I don 't think my boss would mind since it 's because of Sadie . In spite of the throwing up and about tearing my arm off on walks , Sadie is still one of the sweetest dogs . Even Ben is trusting her now . He came out last night when I was laying next to her and laid next to me and Sadie . I have a question for all of you . Is it possible for two people that come from completely different backgrounds and whose lives are so different , but have a deep love for each other able to make it ? I 've had something on my mind for the last couple of weeks and would be interested in what you guys think . I 'll do a post in a few days about why I am asking this question . It has been an interesting 24 hours to say the least . I am not sure what has happened , but the gentle Sadie has disappeared and a very nervous and strong ( ! ! ! ! ) dog has taken her place . After Lynilu left yesterday both dogs were passed out . They slept most of the evening and seemed just fine . At 3 : 30am I woke up to a dog throwing up . I jumped out of bed and found Sadie at the front door throwing up . The look on her face was so sad . She was so upset and nervous . After I cleaned it up I took her out for a walk to see if she needed to go to the bathroom . She went both poop and pee and came back in and went back to sleep . Sadie loves to get up early to eat ( like 5 : 30am early ) , but she slept until my alarm went off . As I walked Sophie I fed her and then took her for a walk . She seemed just fine . When I got home both dogs were very happy to see me . I found myself sitting at work wondering if they were OK . I took both dogs on separate walks and all seemed fine . But one thing I noticed was Sadie was not eating . One thing about Sadie . . . . she loves to eat . I thought maybe her stomach was still upset , but she kept pacing the apartment . After about 30 minutes of pacing I fed Sophie and put Sadie 's food back down . Well , both dogs went to the others ' bowl and started eating . All seemed fine . I then decided to take Sadie for a walk and as we walked out the door she took off . Now Sadie is 75lbs of muscle . She pulled me so hard that my other hand pulled the front door shut . Thankfully that stopped her otherwise she would have been gone . And can you imagine me losing my boss ' dog ? ? ? ? Yea , me either . To say the least it scared the shit out of me . Once I got her settled down we started out walk . She was out of control . I could not keep control of her and almost lost her 3 times . I literally had to hold her collar and drag her back to the apartment . When I got inside I thought , " How in the hell can I walk this dog for the next couple of days ? " My boss always walks Sadie on a Gentle Leader . When I got Sadie back to my house last week I couPosted by Hope everyone had a great St . Patrick 's Day . It was cold and rainy in KC so I am sure the parade ( KC has the 3rd largest in the nation ) was not as much fun as it usually is . Would you believe I didn 't wear any green today ? People thought I was crazy especially since my last name is Murphy . I found a green star sticker and put it on my name badge . . . so there . : ) I have been doing a lot of thinking about where I was last year at this time . If you go back and read this post you will see the absolute desperation in my writings . I remember sitting at home that first night after she went back to Shreveport to be with her . I literally felt like my heart was being pulled out of my chest and there was nothing I could do . I am very happy with the progress I have made in the past year . My life is so completely different , but it is so much better in all areas . Yes I may not have my 3 bedroom house anymore , but the home that I have now is warm and cozy and truly feels like home . My house had gotten to the point where it felt big and cold . I don 't ever want to live somewhere that does not have that warm and cozy feeling . My brother brought up that karma is a bitch and that is why I am now living in such a small place . Well , the truth is I am thrilled to be making my life more simple . I think sometimes it 's easy to get all caught up in material things and we forget what life is really about . When I was with Laura we always had more then enough money . I recently found an old ATM slip from the summer of 2006 . Our account balance was close to $ 8 , 000 , but thinking back on that time I was not happy and I didn 't know why . I think I was pretending to be happy , but in reality I was far from happy and content . I think the lesson that I have learned this past year is that money does not buy happiness . I also learned that it 's OK not to have the newest and best things and I don 't have to keep up with the Jones ' . I think that is one thing that bothered me about Laura . . . it was always about money for her . She moves from one relationship ( aka banPosted by Well , it was a great weekend . I really enjoyed having Lynilu and her babies here . I am still amazed at how well the dogs got along . It was nice going out and not worrying about the dogs back home . My boss told me that Sadie was afraid of little white dogs so I was expecting a little bit of fear , but boy is she afraid of them . There was one point where Sadie refused to get off the couch because Ali was sleeping on the floor in front of her . Right now both Sadie and Sophie are sound asleep . I think they got plenty of exercise the last couple of days . About 20 minutes after we went to bed last night Ben came out . He slept with me for a few minutes , went to the litter box and then returned to his place under the couch . He is still under the couch and every few minutes I stick my hand between the cushions and pet him . Lynilu and I had lunch with my best friend . The last time the two of them had seen each other was in 2002 at my graduation party when I got my masters . Lynilu was very sweet and thanked my friend for taking care of me this past year . But really , I don 't think I could have made it through this past year without Lynilu either . I think back to a year ago when I called Lynilu and told her I needed to come visit and I was leaving the next day . She had no hesitation in allowing me to come visit . She then put up with 5 days of someone feeling really sorry for herself and thinking her life was over . While I was visiting Lynilu I had decided on my second day that the best thing to do was get Sophie home and then kill myself . I was not honest with Lynilu because I didn 't want her to try to stop me . There have been several times where I have thought seriously about suicide , but this was the first time that I had a plan and a way to carry out that plan . I also had no fear about dying . Thankfully Laura picked up on something I said and called Lynilu . I know Lynilu was really disappointed in me and the fact that I was not honest with her . Looking back I am glad Laura called Lynilu , although I was mad at her at the time Posted by Lynilu made it here this afternoon . I think we were both a little nervous with so many dogs , but the dogs have done great . We went out to get some dinner and even left the dogs all out . When we got home they were all sleeping . The only interesting time is when it time to feed the dogs . We end up having to put the dog ( s ) that are eating in the bathroom so the others don 't bother them . That seems to work out great . Tomorrow we are going to drive around so Lynilu can see how the town has changed . I am also going to show her where I work , etc . We are then going to meet one of my really good friends for lunch . We are going to our favorite Mexican restaurant and it just so happens that my co - worker L works there on the weekends . So , I am excited for Lynilu to meet one of my co - workers that I talk so much about . Before Lynilu arrived I looked and looked ( and looked some more ) for the piece of paper that had my password for my wireless system . I couldn 't find it anywhere . After a quick call to the Geek Squad they were able to provide me with my password and Lynilu was finally able to access the Internet . In my opinion . . . she has a serious addiction to blogs . I am thinking an intervention may be her only hope . : ) I am so excited that Sadie is here for a week long visit . Look at that face . My boss ' boyfriend brought Sadie up to work so I could bring her home . We had a small scare when Sadie jumped out of the car without her leash on and went running in the parking lot . My offie is on a very busy corner of downtown Kansas City and there was even more traffic because there is a little basketball tournament going on just blocks away . Sadie got scared with all of us yelling and running after her that she ran back to the car and jumped in . I think she was just so excited to see me . : ) When I opened the door Sophie let out one bark and then I think she remembered Sadie and stopped . It 's so cute to see the two of them together . It 's as if they are old friends and just picked up where they left off . My Sophie does not like to cuddle at night . She prefers the floor or her bed . Although since we have moved , I have found her on the couch a few nights . Well , Sadie loves to sleep with me and cuddles right next to me . I love it . I got my first card today . Thank you so much Traci . I look forward to getting more in the mail . I am going to wait another month to put the collage together so if you are wanting to send one to me you still have a little bit of time . Again , thank you all for taking the time to create these cards for me . Lynilu is coming to town tomorrow . I can 't wait to see her and just sit down and visit . We 'll be sure to take pictures of all the dogs together . I still can 't believe we are going to have 4 dogs , 2 humans and 2 cats in such a small space . I guess I will get a glimpse of what it was like on Little House on the Prairie . : ) My 21 year old cat Bonk is having problems with her teeth . I noticed a few days ago that her upper lip on the left side was catching on her gums . Tonight I looked and she is missing both of her fangs on that side . I never noticed the teeth laying around and I wonder if she swallowed them . She does not seem to be in any pain and is eating just fine . But still . . . . . Do I need to worry or take her to the vet ? Posted by Ever since my brother found my blog again and leaving his same comments about how crazy I am , etc , etc , etc I have been doing a lot of thinking about my relationship with him . This morning I sat and thought about how it got to this point . From the day I was born my brother has been jealous of me . I didn 't even have to do anything and he would be jealous of me . I remember as a child he was always so mean to me and I never understood his hatred for me . For many years he used me as his own personal punching bag and did whatever he wanted to me . For so long I was very angry with him ( and my parents ) because I knew that I did not deserve that kind of treatment and still don 't . But back then I didn 't know how to stand up for myself . I would just take the abuse ( physical and sexual ) and not say a word . For some reason I felt that I deserved the abuse . Thankfully I have learned that I did not deserve it and my brother has some major problems . The older I got the more I tried to forgive my brother . When he had his first son I put all the hard feelings I had for him to the side . I wanted a relationship with my nephew and I was willing to put my feelings aside for that . I think I even got to the point where I was OK with my brother and didn 't mind hanging out with him . But something in my head told me it was just temporary . When I came out to my parents in 2004 my brother was fine with me being gay . He never really had a problem with it and that was OK with me . One thing that kind of surprised me was when his current wife explained why I was not allowed in the delivery room when she had their second son : " I was afraid you were going to be looking at my crotch " . That thought is so sad it 's funny . Really shows you how stupid some people are . My brother started having problems with me when he was back living with my parents again ( as well as his wife and two kids ) and I was insisting he pay me for his phone bill . ( long story ) Since my parents were not talking to me and he was so dependant upon them for everything he decided he wasPosted by That other post was depressing me , so I decided to post about someone that is too cute for words . As you can see , Sophie is getting more exercise then before . Tonight when we were almost done with our walk I stopped to take some pictures and I thought she was going to fall asleep standing up . I think Sophie thinks this was put in for her . She always prefers to walk down this instead of the stairs . Winds of Change . Today it was 77 and now they are calling for more winter like weather tomorrow and through the weekend . The weather during March is always like a yo - yo . But as you can see , Spring will be here before we know it . That means I will be complaining about the heat for the next six months . ( don 't say I didn 't warn you ) Here 's a little bit of trivia I heard on the news tonight . It will be another 150 years until St . Patrick 's Day , Easter and the first day of Spring are all in the same week like they are this year . Posted by I thought I would share a couple things with my readers since my brother keeps commenting about these things and I want you guys to know my side of the story . Also , I probably will keep his comments up so you can see how retarded he really is . ( I really believe if my brother was tested , Forrest Gump would be smarter ) The HouseWhen my Grandmother passed away in November 1996 the house was given to my Mom and Aunt . They held onto the house for another year before deciding to sell it . My ex husband and I were really interested in the house and decided to buy it . Because we were both in school the bank was not going to lend us the full amount . My Mom then stepped in and said that she really wanted us to have the house and told us the amount she would get from the sale of the house we could take off the price of the house . There was nothing said about us paying her back because she wanted us to have the house and said this was a gift . It wasn 't until I came out to my parents in 2004 that suddenly my Mom thinks I owe her $ 25 , 000 . If that were the case , technically I would only owe her half since my ex husband and I bought the house together . I think it 's funny how none of this was brought up before I was gay . The CarWhen I graduated in 2002 with my masters degree my parents bought me a car . They paid somewhere around $ 12 , 000 for the car . It was a gift and I never was told to make a payment . When I came out to my parents in 2004 I suddenly owed them for the car as well . But my Dad said I owed them $ 15 , 000 for the car . I asked why they thought I needed to pay them $ 3 , 000 more then they originally paid for the car . His answer : I added interest . To me that pretty much summed up my relationship with them : it was and has always been about money . My parents have always been able to use guilt with me to get what they want . Well , they can no longer use that I think that really upsets them . I have always deleted the comments from my brother because he seems to think it 's OK to put my business out there with no regard . So now that iPosted by So far this Wednesday is not getting off to a good start . 1 . I had a good run , but it seems that I have finally caught the nasty cold that is going around . I don 't feel that bad ( yet ) , but I know before long I will be feeling like total crap . And this couldn 't come at a worse time since Lynilu is coming to visit in two days . Agh . 2 . My brother found my blog . He googled my name and left a nasty comment on my last post . I am soooooooo fucking mad that he has found me again . I really don 't know what to do do . Why can 't he just leave me the fuck alone ? ? He commented about how karma is a bitch and that is why I am living in such a small apartment , etc . I don 't want to change blog names and I don 't want to go private , so I think I am going to do comment moderation for a while . What a little prick . Good thing is , it 's only 6 : 30am and I have plenty of time to make this a great day . In the last few weeks I have had numerous encounters with Jehovah 's Witnesses . The first one was at a 7 - 11 . As I walked in a lady walked in behind me and I knew exactly who she was . I don 't even know her name , but I remembered she went to my Grandma 's congregation . As I was checking out I noticed she was standing there talking with the cashier . As I paid I told the cashier that it was all a cult and he really should do his research . The JW then asked why I would say something like that and I told her it was because I was part of this religion for 30 years . She really didn 't know what to say . I know I probably appeared to be crazy , but if I could save one person from going through what I did , it would all be worth it . I have also seen several witnesses on the streets and I usually stop and say something to them . They always have the same answer and you can tell they have rehearsed a lot . And the thing I hate is the fake smiles they have on their face . How do I know they are fake ? Because for 30 years I put on a fake smile and pretended to the world that I was happy and my life was perfect because I was a Jehovah 's Witness . Gah . My best friend described the witnesses perfectly : well - dressed robots . Yesterday when I got home there was a JW brochure in my door . I can 't believe I have only been here for 2 weeks and they have already found me . I look forward to the day when I am here and they knock on my door . I will be sure to show them , as my neighbor says , my " No JW sign " . I will then invite them in to see my Rainbow flag that hangs on my wall . I wonder if I could win $ 10K from America 's Funniest Home Videos if I got their reaction on camera ? It is amazing the amount of brainwashing the witnesses do . And " deprogramming " is one of the hardest thing I have tried to do . I still struggle on a daily basis and wonder if I will ever be free of all their teachings . The JW 's continue to tell me that what I am doing is wrong and I will never have God 's blessing . And the sad thing is ; sometimes I wonder if they are right . I look foPosted by It seems that I have always lived in a part of town where I didn 't see many sunrises or sunsets . Well , this morning as I was taking Sophie for her walk I saw the sun rising for the first time in years . Sophie has decided that the only place she will go poop is at the top of this hill . As we were walking up there this morning I looked to the east and saw the most beautiful sunrise . The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if I had my camera with me . I am hoping it 's clear tomorrow morning so I can see another sunrise . As you can see , it really is the small things that make me happy . Thank you to all of you that said you would put together a card for me . If you don 't have a 4x6 index card , you can create one on your own . I am just wanting to keep them to that size so I can put them in a collage together . And feel free to steal my idea . There are several of you that I already know what word I would use . Here is my address again : Caroline Murphy10011 Bennington AvenueKansas City , MO 64134So this weekend Lynilu is coming to visit . I am so excited to see her . I am also going to be watching my boss ' dog , Sadie . So for 2 days there will be 2 humans , 4 dogs ( 2 over 50lbs ) , 2 cats and a one eyed fish in 486 square feet . And my neighbors thought I was going to be quiet . . . . HA ! Speaking of Lynilu . . . how many of you want to hear the story of when Laura and I played truth or dare with Lynilu and someone ended up running around the outside of the house with no top on ? ? A year ago today my life completely changed . It was like a sudden turn in the road that I never saw coming . I was blindsided and betrayed by the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with . I remember every detail of that weekend and for many months afterwards , those details haunted me . When I realized she was on her way to see another woman I was in shock ; literally . And I had no idea what to do . I have never been so scared in my life . A few months later I realized that I could sit here and feel sorry for myself or I could turn it around and make something good out of a horrible situation . With the help of so many of you , I decided I was worth it and I started fighting for myself . I have learned more in the last year then I have my entire life . I learned that I should never have to change for someone that loves me . I had spent my entire life trying to makes others happy ; even if that meant giving up what I wanted . Someone that loves me will accept everything about me ; the good , bad , ugly and dark . For the first time in my life I know what I want my future relationship to be like . And I know that I don 't have to just settle . I have learned that it 's OK not to be in a relationship . I would rather be single and happy then in a relationship with someone that does not love all of me . I really feel that God gave me another chance at life . I was living a life where I didn 't appreciate things or those that were in my life . So today I celebrate my second chance . And I want to do something to mark this day . So I am going to ask you guys a favor . Thanks to Jolene , I got a great idea as to how I can mark this day with those that have helped me the most . I want to know how you guys see me . So , on a 4X6 index card please write / design one word that you would use to describe me . I am then going to put them all together on a collage , frame it and put it up in my home . Looking at all of your words will inspire me on a daily basis . Please put your index card in an envelope and mail to : Caroline Murphy10011 Bennington APosted by Well , I didn 't mean to take a break from blogging , but it just kind of happened . My meds were switched on Thursday and I think I am experiencing a " hiccup " in feeling good . I was switched to Celexa because Lexapro is so damn expensive ; even with insurance . I was told that Celexa is pretty much the same as Lexapro , but I think that it 's different enough that I am noticing the change . I am hoping that in a couple weeks I will start to feel the full effects again . For two months I was feeling wonderful and then yesterday it seems I hit a small wall , or as I call it a hiccup . I started feeling down and for the first time in two months I was feeling anxious . I just realized that I also got a visit from my monthly friend and even with the Lexapro I would get a little down around that time . I am hoping that is it and by Monday I am feeling better . I am nowhere close to how down I was before the medication , but I still notice the difference . But there is no way I can feel down for long because Lynilu is coming to visit next weekend . I can not wait ! ! ! ! ! It 's been a year since I have seen her and the last time I saw her my eyes were swollen from crying and I was a complete mess . It will be great to visit with her , go to our favorite Mexican restaurant and just hang out . So . . . how many of you are jealous that Lynilu is coming to visit ME ? ? ? : ) I think someone is tired from all our walks . I am walking Sophie a good 1 1 / 2 hours a day . We go on a 30 minute walk before I go to work , then another 30 minute walk when I get home . Throughout the evening we go on small walks and then about a 15 minute walk before we go to bed . The walks are doing both me and Sophie a lot of good . Sophie loves walks and she looks so happy when we are walking . And I am loving being out in the cool air . Most mornings it 's in the 20 's or 30 's and I feel more awake when I leave in the morning . Most evenings Sophie is sound asleep . I am hoping that all this exercise will help both of us to lose those extra pounds we gained this winter . The cats are doing wonderful . I never had any concerns about Bonk because she acts like this has always been our home . Ben is walking around more and even finding new sleeping places : As soon as I get home in the evening Ben comes out from behind the couch , says HI to me and then goes to sleep under the covers . I think he feels safe there , which is wonderful considering I had problems with him and the bed before we moved . The last couple of nights I woke up and found Ben peeking out the door in the bedroom . I think it 's so cute that he will only do this at night . I think he is working up the courage to look out during the day . This weekend is kind of a celebration for me . Most might look at what happened a year ago devastating , but I found it to be something to celebrate instead . Be sure to check out my special post sometime this weekend . It was so hard coming back to work . I do love my job , but I really enjoyed my time off . Thankfully I checked my email each day so I kind of had an idea as to what went on while I was gone . But I still had 23 voice mails . It seems that everyone missed me and I have been asked about 100 times today how the move went . It has been an interesting day to say the least . One of my co - workers N was having some trouble with the paper shredder . I stood in the copy room with him trying to get it to work when all of a sudden there was a huge flame of fire that came out of the shredder and onto N 's face . Here is a picture of him at lunch : As you can see all of his hair in the front was burned and he now has highlights . He said he was afraid to touch it until he got home because he didn 't know how much hair would fall out . It really was one of the funniest things I have ever seen . I am sure I would feel differently if it happened to me . N has actually been a good sport about it and laughed with us while we are laughing at him . He did go to the doctor to be checked out because his nose and throat were burning , but he is OK . Although the Doctor did say that it was a very interesting story . Someone did send him an email with this picture : LOL . N really is being a good sport about the whole thing . At the end of the year we have an award for the biggest blooper and we decided that N is definitely going to get one . The one thing that I can always count on at work is laughing . I did tell N that if we had gotten this on film we would probably win $ 10K from America 's Funniest Home Videos . I asked if he would repeat what happened and he looked at me like I was crazy . Things continue to go well . I am really loving my little apartment . It 's big enough that I have all my stuff , but small enough that I feel secure . We had a client that referred to her time in our treatment center as being in an incubator . She said it was her chance to grow in a safe place . And that is how I feel about my little home . Moving away from a home that had become big and cold has allowed me to grow in so many ways . I went back to the house to get the rest of my stuff and as I walked in the house it felt so cold . The house used to feel safe and secure , but the last year has been filled with so much sadness and loss . Moving away from it will allow me to let go of all those sad memories . I decided to get a carport because they are only $ 10 / month . The one that was assigned to me was the closest one , but it is on a hill and right by the sewer drain . Last night when it was raining I noticed that it was a slow moving drain and by 10pm the water was to my wheels . Because it was on a hill I could just see it flooding and backing up to my muffler . So this morning I went in to say that my mailbox key isn 't working and to ask if I could change carports . Luckily they gave me one on the other side and I am thrilled because it 's on flat ground . They said that drain had never flooded , but I don 't want to take any chances . I still don 't have a mailbox key though . Hopefully I can get one tomorrow so I can see if I have any mail . : ) So I can 't figure out my heating / cooling system . When the heat is on you can adjust the temp , but it doesn 't seem to be working . When I try to turn down the temp it just stay on HOT . So I have been having to have the heat on for a while and then turn it off . I was a little worried about the system because when I first saw it I didn 't know how it would heat my whole apartment . But boy it works well . I actually turn it off at night because it would just get too hot . I was horrible today about checking my work email . One of my co - workers wrote me back and said , " Why are you working remotely ? STOP . YPosted by Look who rejoined the family tonight . This afternoon he came out from behind the couch and has been fine ever since . Even when I went out with the dog and opened the front door Ben just stayed on the couch . When Sophie and I came back in Ben was still on the couch and didn 't move . As you can see from this picture , Ben is exhausted . I am sure he hasn 't really slept in almost 2 days . In this picture he can barely keep his eyes open . In other news : I am officially on " poop watch 2008 " . Sophie is very particular where she poops . When Laura and I went to Florida in 2006 Sophie held it for 6 days . Yea , she is kind of set in her ways . I think what bothers her the most is she wants privacy . Well , she can 't really have privacy when I am right there with her . We went for a 20 minute walk tonight ( in the rain ) and I kept thinking she was about to go to the bathroom , but nothing happened . The only thing we accomplished was getting wet and cold . I will know she has adjusted completely to the move when she poops . And because I couldn 't post a picture of the other two without one of her : I love this cat so much . I just noticed a theme in all the pictures . Everyone is exhausted ; me included . Hopefully we 'll all be able to sleep in tomorrow . * Updated ~ Monday 8 : 45am * Poop Watch 2008 is officially over ! I am not sure who is more relieved : Me or Sophie . Our first night was good . I was so tired yesterday afternoon , but somehow managed to stay up until midnight . Around 4am Ben woke me up by standing at the front door and meowing . I think he was saying he wanted to leave . Bonk was sound asleep on the bed and Sophie was sleeping on the couch . She looked pretty comfortable to me . Then around 7 : 30am Sophie woke me up to go outside . So I had to get up and make myself look somewhat presentable since I now have several hundred people living by me . I will say that Sophie is doing so well with adjusting . I went to the grocery store and when I left I stood by the front door to see if she was barking . All I heard was silence . When I got back I met the guy that lives above me . His name is Tom and he seems very nice . He told me that if he ever makes too much noise to just let him know . It seems I am lucky with my neighbors . Here are some pictures : Third time is a charm . Something tells me I have taken a picture just like this . : ) " I will not get in the kennel " I love this picture of Bonk . She checked every since box to make sure it was completely empty . I am standing at my front door and this shows how close the pool , workout room and laundry room . Here is my front door . I thought the apartment was going to be darker , but this window actually lets a lot of light in . Today the temps are in the 60s , so I also have the front door open . Sophie is enjoying looking out the screen door . I am standing in the bedroom looking at the living room . Notice Sophie 's new toy ? Because she has been so good I bought her a treat today . And here is my kitchen . I have 3 cabinets above the sink / stove . Thank goodness I am not all into the cooking thing . : ) Other side of the kitchen . I don 't even have enough counter space for my microwave . I still have some organizing to do and don 't want my kitchen this cluttered . I am standing at my front door looking into the bedroom . The cable outlet is on the left side of this picture and Time Warner wasn 't sure if they could get it hooked up yesterday . Thankfully tPosted by When I first started this blog it was because I felt lost in the world and didn 't know where I fit into the world . After taking several years off to get to know the real Caroline , I think I have finally found my place in the world . I hope you will tag along so I can share with you all the wonderful little things in my life . I now live at the top of the world ( literally ) and I love the view from here . |
What a difference a simple phone call can make ! I have gained another sweet , special friend in my life who , until today , I had only spoken with through email . What a surprise she gave me today when she called me ! Oh , I was so excited . We had a wonderful conversation . As I tried to finish up supper and all the watering and animal feedings , I couldn 't help but think how the phone call made me smile from the inside out . I wanted to do the same for someone else . Who better to pick than another very special , close friend ? I have been missing her quite a bit more than I have slowed down enough to realize . There was a song we used to sing in my Girl Scout days that said , " Make new friends , but keep the old . One is silver and the other 's gold . " Oh , how true ! It is so good to have friends who have and will continue to stick with you through the thick and thin of life . What a blessing it is , too , when God places in our lives new friends , and we can journey along life 's road together ! I love the close friends I have , new and old . Each is beautiful in her own unique strengths and weaknesses . What a blessing it is to have bonds with those who can share the special and ordinary moments in life . Most of the time , I love it when my kitchen looks like this , at least until I have to clean it up , lol ! If my kitchen look like this , it means something fun is going on in the kitchen . This is the mess I made tonight when I made homemade pizza - again . Of course , the eggs and yellow onion had nothing to do with the pizza . They were just waiting their turn to be put away after grocery shopping and egg gathering ! I have practiced and practiced the recipe , and I have finally gotten it right ! It is so soft and light ! I had to take a picture of the pizza I made to suit everyone . There is adult pizza on the left , cheese pizza for Jacob in the middle , and pepperoni for Alissa on the right . Pizza our way ! It 's the beauty of homemade ! And we have leftovers for lunch tomorrow ! I made tacos ! I really do not like using store - bought seasoning mixes . I have several recipes to make a large quantity of taco seasoning mix to keep on hand , but I have yet to read through them or try any of them . When I made tacos last night , I just looked at the back of a taco seasoning mix packet to see what spices were used , then I started experimenting ! This is what I came up with . I 'm sure it will change with time , but I heard no complaints last night ! To make the tacos , I browned the meat and drained it . Then I added all the spices and 1 / 2 cup of water . I let the mixture come up to a boil . Then I turned down the heat to let it simmer uncovered until most of the liquid was gone . Do you have a favorite seasoning mix you like to make ? Perhaps you have a taco seasoning mix that is better . I would love for you to share ! You know I just have to give you a better look at the eggs in the basket . These are the eggs I got out of one nest today ! We have four nests , but all the chickens want to lay in the same nest where Fern has been sitting on her eggs . For two days the chickens and I couldn 't synchronize our timing for me to retrieve the eggs . Poor Fern was trying to lay on nine eggs this morning ! She finally got off the nest to let Rosetta get on , and at last , I was able to get the eggs . I know Fern was happy ! For weeks my eyes have been watching , looking , searching . Not one trip by a window has found me not stretching my eyes as far as they might see . The ears , too , filtering every sound of movement , filtering the joyful songs of spring from the birds , the grunts and squeals of my own hogs , the brays and calls of the neighbors ' donkey and peacocks . It is close . It is near , but when , where ? Is that it I hear in the woods as I stand alone feeding my hogs ? Is that it I smell ? My heart tries to race with fear , but my mind tells it no . It is only the rustling of the leaves blowing in the wind , the sounds of little critters playing in the cover of trees , the smell of my own hogs as the spring temperatures rise . Supper is over . Alissa runs to play in her room , and Jake runs outside to find his daddy . I remain in the kitchen finishing up the cleaning . In and out a couple of times little Jake runs wanting to know where Daddy is . For one last searching trip to the front he heads . I turn to put away some little something , and there I catch the sight from the kitchen that has no window but only a view from the adjacent breakfast room . No , the eyes are playing tricks with the shadows again . There is nothing there , but the heart commands the eyes not to move as hard as they try to look away . There is a black bear in the field , my baby is running around somewhere out there , and what is that I see moving just now ? The brain commands the eyes to focus . Hogs ! I run to the front to find Jake . Praise God both he and his Daddy are on the front porch ! I feel sick as Bill asks me what 's wrong . " What 's wrong ? " I want to sarcastically repeat at him . Is he not sitting on the front porch seeing right in front of him what I saw from a windowless kitchen ? ! ? Better yet , can he still not see what I still see that was not spooked off when I ran out of a noisy front door ? Are my eyes still playing mean tricks ? Feeling rather dumb , I ask , " Is that not the hogs ? " He looks up and scans the field before replying , " Oh , I guess it is . " Then he tells Jake and me to be quiet . Really ? I just run through the house , tear open a terribly noisy front door to rescue my baby , stand on the porch talking about hogs that had remained invisible to eyes that looked out over them , and now I have to be quiet so they won 't run off ? Satisfied that my baby was safe and my husband was still crazy : ) , I went back through the noisy door only to find my little girl had slipped out the garage door to head to the swing set , completely unaware of the terror that lay in the field in front of her . Though I knew Bill was outside , the sight of my precious little girl within seventy - five yards of those vile creatures ( okay , maybe that was a little exaggerated ? ) turned my blood cold . The reality is here again . What I already knew without seeing , has made itself known by sight . It is spring , and the hogs have returned . Even if they are just passing through to somewhere beyond , as Bill tries to tell me , they are still passing too closely for me . Gone is my beautiful carefree spring . Gone is my false sense of security . My already heightened sense of alarm will be even more heightened until late September or November when the hogs are gone again . How in the world am I supposed to let my children play on their new swing set , and how am I supposed to not be afraid to go feed the animals ? It is already after 9 : 00 in the morning , and I am dreading going up to feed them . I 've normally already fed the hogs and turned out the chickens by now . I don 't like feeling like a prisoner of my own home and land . All I can do is pray for God 's protection . . . and ask for a holster for Mother 's Day ! ; ) This morning was such a special morning . I have had my chickens for a while now . One of them , my sweet Marge , is an Easter Egger . She is a true pet . No matter where she is , when I walk outside she comes running and clucking her " hello , " and she follows me wherever I go . She 's never laid an egg , but she 's such a sweetheart , I just didn 't care . This morning when I went to the chicken pen , she didn 't come out , and she is usually the first out the door . She was poking around the nests which I found odd because she has never had any interest in them . I wanted to stay with her , but I had to go feed the hogs . When I had fed the hogs and she still hadn 't come out , I went back to check on her . She was sitting on the eggs my broody Fern has been sitting on , and Fern was still sitting on the perch . I thought it was very odd and thought something was wrong with one of them . I went back out and threw out some scratch feed for the chickens that were outside and gave them some water . When I went back to the chicken pen , I knew Marge was either very sick or about to lay an egg . I didn 't want to leave her so I just stayed . Suddenly , there plopped out the prettiest blue - green egg ! My eyes must have been as wide as my mouth that fell open in amazement . I was with my sweet girl when she laid her first egg ! I just couldn 't believe it ! I rubbed her head and back for a few seconds and told her what a great job she did ! : ) Marge 's egg in the middle She kept standing , acting like she didn 't know what to do , and I was worried about the other eggs that are about ready to hatch getting too cold . I was just as inexperienced as her . I lifted her off the nest , put her in the next nest , and put her egg in my jacket pocket . It didn 't occur to me to put her egg in the nest with her until I was walking back to the house . After I moved her , I turned around and got Fern to put her back on the nest of eggs that she 's been sitting on . I hope they didn 't get too cold . I guess we will find out in a couple of days ! If I have remembered and figured correctly , the eggs should hatch by the end of the week ! When you return to your kitchen don 't look at your pot and ponder why it is taking so long to boil . If you do , you will come to the conclusion it was because the food you added to the pot was frozen and it 's just taking a little extra time to heat up . Don 't stress over this step too much , though . If you do accidentally do this , you will eventually realize you never turned the stove back on . Your supper will just take some extra time to cook . When you make your peach cobbler , don 't use all - purpose flour when the recipe calls for self - rising . If you do , you may be lucky enough to realize the error of your ways . If you do realize your error , you could make a big mess trying to pour the wrong flour back into the canister . Finally , when you are cleaning up , don 't turn the warm water on too high when washing out a bowl . You could accidentally soak your daughter who is standing nearby admiring the cobbler baking in the convection oven ! Warning ! Please be very careful not to do this . It can cause uncontrolled giggling and laughing ! I did my normal Friday trip to Thomaston to do my grocery shopping , but the children decided to stay at home and play since Bill was on vacation and could watch them . What a rare treat for me to be able to shop alone ! I decided to treat myself to the Country Cupboard Deli for lunch . It was very good ! I 've never had wheat bread so light and soft . For all my readers who live in Thomaston , if you haven 't tried it , you should ! I only had half a sandwhich , but it was very filling . This evening , I decided to experiment in the kitchen . I found the cutest little bell peppers in the store today and decided to use them in spaghetti for supper tonight . They were called Baby Bells and came in a package of one yellow , orange , and red bell pepper . They were so good in the spaghetti ! What ? You don 't plant seeds while you cook in the kitchen ? Lol ! That 's right . The experiment wasn 't using the peppers in the spaghetti , it was seeing if I could grow my own cute peppers . Bill did plant a couple of pepper plants for me last week , but they were regular green bell peppers . I wanted to see if I could grow these cute colored peppers that I never buy in the store due to the outrageous price ! I didn 't have a clue what I was doing , but as the food cooked on the stove , I planted bell pepper seeds right there in the kitchen ! I don 't know if they will grow , but I tried ! Any suggestions for next year are certainly welcomed ! As I we finished up eating supper , the power went out . Since I couldn 't do much until the power came back on . I finished up the little things and headed outside to the animals . I got tickled as Marge , the hen , and Otis , the pig , came running to me as usual . Bill finally got to see it for himself as he was already at the hog pen when I joined him . Little Otis will stick his snout through the hog wire as far as he can trying to reach me . I have to reach in and love on him to make him stop . His favorite place to be rubbed is the soft area just behind his ears . He 's so sweet ! I 'm glad we don 't have to eat him ! I also took advantage of the power outage to catch up on some weeding and planting . I got one whole bed and part of another weeded . I also got forty cups of lavendar seeds planted / started and my two lemon verbenas transplanted into a bigger pot . Does anyone out there have and suggestions for how to use the lavender and verbena ? Bill 's vacation started Saturday , but I haven 't worked this hard in a long time ! One whole day was spent finishing up a swing set . The " neighbors " came over to help with that project . I cooked lunch for everyone that day . As they finished up , I wasn 't much help , so I took care of all the animals and watering ( And there was A LOT of it ! Bill had just bought three drake elm trees for shade and twelve crepe myrtles for the beds . Then there was my normal watering of tomatoes , peppers , and flowers . ; ) I knew Bill was exhausted and wouldn 't feel like doing it when he got through . They ended up working so late that I cooked supper for everyone too . It was close to 10 : 00 before I got everything cleaned back up , but I am so thankful to be blessed with one set of kind neighbors that live just a little down the dirt road . The next day we had to go to Thomaston to get weed block fabric to finish up our flower beds , to get more hoses , nozzles and a sprinkler to make watering the new trees and garden easier , and to get landscape timbers to go around the swing set so we can cover the dirty sand ( the children are getting so filthy playing up there all day ! ) . Unfortunately , the sprinkler for the garden didn 't work , the nozzles we paid for never made it into the truck , and two of the hoses were missing a rubber ring . In addition , when we got home , we found one large shelf holding all my stuff that I was storing from my classroom had fallen over . Bill was not a happy camper ! I had already planned to sort through all the school stuff this week , so I guess that was God 's way of making sure it got done , lol ! We had time to plant the three Drake Elm trees and finish one complete bed when we got home . I started sorting through boxes in between helping Bill . As he finished putting in the river rock , I took care of all the feeding and cooked supper . It was nice to enjoy a nice , late supper on the porch that evening . The children also stayed outside on their new swing set all day . I continued sorting in between helping Bill . Why did I have so much stuff ? I had so many files to sort through ! It is Wednesday , and I am still not done ! It was overwhelming to see how much I used to try to teach in one year ! I have saved less than I got rid of , but I don 't know where in the world I will put it ! I can use it with Alissa this year and Jake in a few years . Then I can get rid of all of it for good ! : ) These are pictures I took this afternoon of two of the new trees and the flower beds . We still need border flowers , but that will have to wait . . . maybe for a very long time ! : ) Thank you for stopping by to share in our time and adventures on Southland Farm ! I 'd love to hear about your own adventures , big or small ! Until next time , be blessed ! Yesterday , the children and I started the day by heading to my hometown to do our weekly grocery shopping . Since my sister has opened her own bakery , Cake House Bakery , her shop is always our first stop for cinnamon rolls ! This time I picked up two cupcakes for a childhood friend who had given birth the night before and made a quick delivery to the hospital . Due to a couple of minor issues , I wasn 't able to hold the precious , beautiful baby . I was so surprised to find myself with tears in my eyes as soon as I laid eyes on him ! Is there anything more precious than a newborn ? After going back to the bakery to pick up my own two precious babies , we headed to the store . We had so much fun buying stuff to plant when we got home , and they were so sweet in helping me with grocery shopping . After returning home , we couldn 't wait to get started on our plants ! We have been studying plants in science ( I saved this unit just for this spring ! ) , so the activity was perfect ! We turned it into a science experiment with some math mixed in . They didn 't even realize it ! We made predicitions , measured , counted , multiplied , and discussed how the seeds would grow . For this project , we planted giant pumpkin seeds . I had picked up a couple lemon verbena plants and lavendar seeds ( my two favorite plants in the world ! ) to work on later . This is the science jounaling we started for our experiment . I had intentions of doing a lot more with it , but Jacob had a rare moment when he was ready to work and learn . We just had fun with moment and got the essentials in . We 'll add the other stuff as we add more entries . Jacob was so excited to get his own notebook . I got a great big hug and thank you . He hopped in my lap and got busy ! I held his hand to help him write , and I let him give me answers . He had fun drawing people for the first time and writing a " J " ! He even " read " to me the words " I am " a few times ! I promised to make him an " I Am " book . I 'll share that creation soon ! What a treasure to see the excitement and enthusiasm in his eyes and voice . I know he will be reading soon , and I am so happy that I will be the one to hear him read his first book the first time . While I was working with Jacob in my lap , little Alissa was beside us at the table with a little light shining in her eyes . Her little arm curled around her notebook as she worked so hard , " Don 't look , Mama ! " Her little nose would wrinkle up in that sweet way as she bit her lip and ducked back down to continue working . " What color do you want to be ? " she asked . Finally she was done . She drew a picture of us planting the seeds in the cups . She had figured out all by herself how to draw us sitting on our knees ! What a special , precious little girl ! I am so blessed to be able to be at home and share these precious moments with my children ! Thank you , Lord , for your blessings on me ! Today , Saturday , we drove almost an hour to a Jesus party ! The daughters of a friend of mine wanted to share Jesus with friends and neighbors so they decided to throw a Jesus party in their front yard ! How could we not go and support those sweet little girls ? The two little girls led the whole thing . One led the crowd in songs and one played " Amazing Grace " on her guitar . There were crafts and refreshments . The kids were even provided chalk . You 'll see from the pictures what they chose to draw . I wish I lived closer to this sweet crew ! When we got home , we found Bill had just finished clearing the hopeless flower beds . I can 't share those picutures yet ! That 's a blog project for Monday or Tuesday ! The following pictures are of one of the hogs drinking from the hose when we went to feed them and of my first daylily of the year ! There was one more big project going on over the weekend , but that is for another blog post too ! Stay tuned ! What homeschool or springtime projects do you have to share ? We have been so busy this spring , that I had almost given up on a garden . Oh , the disappointment at the thought of not having yummy , organic tomato sandwiches made with my homemade bread this summer ! The thought of going another whole year avoiding recipes with bell peppers wasn 't too appealing either . I just hate going to the store and spending so much on one bell pepper that has been sprayed with who knows what ! Well , at the last minute , on a whim , my husband came home and planted a garden ! ! ! There was NO planning to it whatsover , so we don 't know if anything will grow , or , if anything does grow , if it will survive the deer , wild hogs , rabbits , and any other wildlife out here ! I didn 't even know he was planting it ! We also thought it might be too late . Can you tell we don 't have a clue about gardening , LOL ! ? I 've heard people say plant after the last frost in April ( That 's always sounded crazy to me . How do you know it 's going to be the last frost , lol ? Well , with our crazy weather this year , we figured we were okay since the chances for frost seemed to be over . The temperatures had been in the 80 's to 90 . But , would you believe it ? Many counties around us in Georgia had frost warnings last night ? I don 't think we had frost here , or if we did , it was very light . With all that being said , I guess the timing on the planting wasn 't too bad . We had also planned to put up a game fence to ward off all the critters before planting a garden , but I guess we will have to work on that as time and money allow ! He did plant my tomatoes and bell peppers close the house , not in the garden , using my organic potting mix and fertilizer , so I know I will have beautiful , yummy , healthy peppers and tomatoes ! Oh , just think if the garden does grow ! We will have our own pork , eggs , and vegetables ! Now , I want to rush out and buy some herbs to grow and meat chickens to raise and stock my freezer ! ( I actually spent a lot of time this evening reading about meat chickens ! ) Hopefully , next year , our pasture will be ready for cows aToday , Bill got to stay home . He has been outside cutting grass all day . We had some lawn mower troubles , so the grass had gotten taller than he likes . Even with a bagger , the grass made a huge mess on the lawn and drive way . My heart swelled with love and happiness as I watched my little boy helping his daddy tidy things up . After working on the lawn , the two of them headed up to the garden to measure for a garden hose . I had to run back outside with my camera ! Such sweet , precious , fleeting moments have to be captured ! While the " boys " were outside , I was inside cooking collards to go with the grilled BBQ leg quarters , yellow rice , and baked beans . This is my daughter 's favorite meal . My husband makes the best BBQ chicken ! I can 't tell you how to make it , because I 'm clueless when it comes to grilling ! All I know is that he doesn 't cook it right over the coals . He uses indirect heat . I can tell you how to make the collards ! I had them at our family Christmas dinner , and I thought people were going to make themselves sick from eating so many ! No one could believe I didn 't use any fat in them ; I never do ! To make the best collards we 've ever eaten , I buy ( hopefully , I will never have say buy again ! ) one large bunch of collards ( I learned my lesson with the pre - cut , washed , and bagged collards . Please don 't go that route ! ) . I wash each leaf and remove the whole stem . The stems are tough and make the collards bitter . After the stems are removed , I cut the leaves into one - two inch pieces . I place the collards into a large stock pot half full of warm water . The warm water helps wilt the leaves just enough so that all the collards fit into the pot . Then I fill the pot with water until the water covers the collards or until the water reaches about one inch from the top of the pot . The collards are placed on the stove and brought to a boil . When the collards have reached a boil , I stir in one - two heaping tablespoons of Better Than Bullion Beef Paste ( You can find it in the store right beside bullion cubes . It has no msg and tastes so much better ! ) . I try to get away with one and a half due to sodium . Then I lower the heat so that the collards are at a slow boil . I usually let mine cook for about 4 - 5 hours . Keep a watch on the water . More can be added if needed . All that is needed then is a good , homemade pepper sauce and cornbread ! Mmmm . . . mmm . . . mmm ! I found this quote on www . homesteaddryingracks . com today on a free issue of their e - magazine . It pretty much sums up my new lease on life . I 'm not there , but I am on my way ! Simple does not mean easy because the " simple life " is Some days life just overwhelms me . The kitchen is a mess from the latest meal , the family room is scattered with toys and books , the toilets need to be cleaned , clothes need to be washed and put away , animals need food and water , eggs need to be gathered and the coop needs to be cleaned . BUT most days I have it under control ! As I was responding to a post the other day , I realized , that even though I have a long way to go , I have taught myself a lot about organizing , cleaning , and managing my home . What a long way I 've come ! I remember days my husband was ready to walk out and leave me ! SO ! Don 't despair ! If I can do it , you can too ! I used to be the queen of clutter and mess ! I thought I would share a couple of tricks I use to keep myself and my home in order . The first method has to do with my laundry . Not too long ago , my daughter had company spend the night . The little girl went with Alissa as she put away her clothes for the day . Upon walking in the laundry room and seeing our system , the little girl said , " Now , that is just spoiled ! " After I picked my jaw up off the floor from having a child speak to me in such a way , I thought to myself , " Oh , little lady , you 'll see one day , I am very , very smart to have done such a thing . Just you wait ! " : ) I started my laundry system about four years ago when my daughter was almost three . I have four mesh bags that now hang from my folding table in my laundry room . I have one bag for towels , one for cold clothes , one for warm clothes , and one for whites . At the end of the day , each person deposits his / her clothes into the proper bag according to the directions on the tag in the clothing , except for the towels and white clothes . Even Jacob knows where to put those ! ; ) I cannot begin to tell you how much time this saves not having to sort clothes on wash day ! This is my folding table my husband sweetly built for me one day while When I started the system , my daughter couldn 't yet read , so I had to be creative about teaching her how to put away the clothes . As her clothes would come through the wash , I would use a permanent marker to put a " C " for cold or a " W " for warm on the tag . Through lots of practice , she learned which bag was cold and which was warm . Now , my son is also learning . He has it a little bit easier . I actually have a way to label the bags for him . This wasn 't possible when Alissa was little . Now he knows to look on the label to find the letter and match it to the correct bag . I have also circled the words ' warm ' and ' cold ' on his labels to help him recognize the words . It turns into a great lesson on beginning sounds and sorting ! My other systems helps me keep the small , weekly chores under control . I don 't like having to do all my cleaning in one day . I tend to get overwhelmed and unable to do anything if I do that ! I would rather spend thirty minutes a day or less on one chore . When all my smaller chores are under control , I find it is easy for me to tackle big chores as the need arises . One day , I sat down and made a chart to list the chore of the day . Somehow , having it in writing made me feel more accountable as if I couldn 't ignore it , lol ! I have recently added my flower beds to the chart . I just check and see if there are any weeds that need to be taken care of . On Monday , the chore is bathrooms and flower bed one . On Tuesday , the chore is windows and flower bed two . On Wednesday , the chore is dusting and flower bed three . On Thursday , the chores are floors , start laundry , and flower bed four . On Friday the chores are grocery shopping and finish clothes . If life interrupts my system , as it often does during holidays , the world doesn 't end . I just pick up on whatever day I need to and carry on . So , why are we sitting here chatting ? We 've got work to do ! It is time for me to feed the pigs and chickens , water the tomatoes and peppers , water the flowers , and get supper ready ! What systems do you use ? I 'd love to hear about them ! It happens every year . For a week or so before Easter the sadness and anxiety comes . For the most part , everything is normal in my day . But when the moments are quiet , it is there , anxiously building each day until I finally cry unto God and tell him I don 't understand . Then , there is that gentle reminder of the event that forever changed Easter weekend for me . It happened so long ago that one would think it wouldn 't affect me now , but somehow it sneaks up on me every year without my knowing it . Maybe it 's because I am at a point in my beautiful life that I no longer dwell on it eventhough it will forever be a part of me . The year was 1995 . I was a senior in high school . My mother and I had gone to see my grandmother for a couple of days . I loved my visits with my grandmother , and I never wanted to leave her when it was time to go home . When I awoke that Saturday morning , however , I couldn 't get home fast enough . I didn 't want to leave , but at the same time , something was strongly pulling me home . It was more than the fact that I had a date that night with the love of my life . Once I got home and saw Chad , I felt so much better . He knew I didn 't have an Easter dress that year . He had saved his money and asked his sister to take him shopping . On that trip , he purchased the dress that he gave to me that evening when he picked me up . I know to some of my readers that will sound very strange , but that was just the type of person he was . We had a wonderful date . We just ate steak and potatoes at his home . I loved going to his home for a date . His family was always so much fun to be around . There was never a dull moment . After taking me home , I watched him get in that big , blue " tank , " put on his seat belt , blow me a kiss and wave good - bye and smile over his steering wheel . I watched him drive down our street . I went inside and got distracted but soon remembered I had not tried on my dress . I quickly put it on in excitement , and was admiring it in the mirror when the phone rang . It was his mother telling me Chad had been in a bad accident . All she knew was that he was being transported by ambulance to the hospital . I sat in the floor crying trying to tell my mother . She got me to change clothes and we headed to the hospital . The ambulance was not there , so we left and began to trace Chad 's route home . We soon met the ambulance and followed it back to the hospital . I remember the white light of the window as we followed and the occassional glimpse of an EMT . I remember being in the waiting room and seeing the nurse come through the door and hearing her say the doctors were trying to get a pulse . I remember my mom 's arm around me and hearing her ask if I wanted to pray . After intially saying no for some reason , I quickly changed my mind . We knelt beside the chairs in the waiting room floor . I don 't remember what my mom prayed , but I remembered asking God not to let Chad die . More than that , I remember that just after I told God I wanted His will to be done , the doctor came through the door . He was a friend of Chad 's family . I watched him walk toward Chad 's mother and try to speak . Then I saw him just shake his head , unable to say the words . All I remember then is the writhing scream of " NO ! " that welled up and out of me as I still knelt on my knees . We were moved to the chapel where I watched his only sister and sibling and his parents suffer and the hall fill with teenage friends . Sometime later , we were allowed to see him . I waited my turn by my mother 's side . I remember the team of doctors standing a few feet to the side of his bed . Their white coats stood out cold against that darkened side of the room , but I couldn 't look at them . All I wanted to do was hold Chad 's hand . Strangely , I was startled when his strong hand that had always dwarfed my own didn 't wrap around my hand . I suppose that was when the shock startedSo much has happened in my life since that year . Not all has been good , but the parts that have been bad have brought me into such a close relationship with God . His loving kindness never ceases to amaze me each day . I can 't begin to tell you how often I praise Him each day for what He has done for me . I 'm not the person I once was , and I praise Him for His mercy and grace ! He could have left me the wretched person I became in the years that followed that night , but praise God , when I cried unto Him and asked him to forgive me and let me return home like the prodigal son , He ran to me with his arms stretched out wide ! Praise God , praise God , praise God ! When that anxiety and sadness sink in each year , it takes a while for me to realize what is going on . Once I do , I allow myself a short time to mourn again . It 's hard to feel that pain all over again . I didn 't think I would get through the retelling of it for this post , but it was something I had to do . I have accepted the sadness and let it come . The memory and tears have come just like every year . Maybe there will be a time in the future when they don 't , but until then , I will lean on God when they do . He is the greatest comforter there is . In those tearful moments , He reminds me who He is and who He created me to be . He reminds me of what He has brought me through in my life and the precious gifts He has given me . When those thoughts come , my tears of sadness mix with tears of joy until my joy is restored anew and overflowing . I just want to sing his praises ! Then Easter begins . It 's funny how most years , the climax of emotions happens on Good Friday , the day my Jesus died for me . One day I will see my Jesus and be able to kneel and touch the scars in the hands that He stretched out for me . What a day that will be . It has been an exciting day on the farm . My day started at 1 : 00 am when I had to help my husband unload our new pigs after he got home from work . We have had two purebred duroc female pigs for several weeks now , but we had been searching all over for a purebred male to breed with them . We finally found one ! We also got a purebred hampshire to raise for slaughter . Oh , I am going to have the hardest time doing it . He is the cutest little thing ! Maybe by then his cuteness will wear off , lol ! We didn 't tell the children we were getting them because we wanted it to be a surprise when they saw the pigs for themselves in the pen . It was hard getting them up and dressed to go to the pig pen first thing this morning without spilling the beans . Poor Alissa 's hair isn 't even brushed in the pictures , but I 'm sure that will be the last thing we think about when we look back on these photos in the future ! We were really afraid the females were going to kill the males , especially the little one . We stayed in the pen with them for a long time to keep the females from hurting them too badly . Poor Otis has some battle scars . I guess Thelma was trying to figure out why the ladies hadn 't joined the fun ! Poor Thelma ! I just can 't break it to her that the ladies think they are much too sophisticated to enter a pig pen ! Heehee ! As the day wore on , we became more comfortable that the girls ( Yes . The female pigs are the girls and the hens are the ladies ! We have way too much time and fun on this farm ! ) would accept the new additions . Later in the afternoon , I heard the chickens going crazy , so I went to see what was going on . As it turns out , Fern , the outsider hen , was in the favorite nest box and Speckles was ready to lay an egg . She was fussing causing the other ladies and gentleman to get stirred up . They sounded more like geese honking than chickens fussing ! Speckles finally gave up on Fern getting off the first nest and settled on the second nest . But anyway , look what I found when I looked over at the pigs ! I had to ask Alissa to run back to the house to get my camera ! Tell me it is not a sweet sight ! Otis finally let me love on him this evening . He , so far , is so sweet and gentle . Little No Name is still scared of me , but I guess it 's just as well . I really don 't want to get too attached to him . . . but he 's soooo cute ! . . . . sigh . . . . : ) First and foremost , I am a Christian . I feel honored to have a family for whom I can care . My husband is a truck driver , and at the end of the last school year , I left my teaching career to take care of my home and family and to teach my own children . My life has become so much more simple , and I love it ! I enjoy watching my children grow and learn as we discover God 's love and truths each day . You will often find us tending our animals or creating something in the kitchen . May you discover God 's blessings today ! |
We had a very nice quiet Christmas at home . I took Christmas Eve afternoon off so that Jennifer and I could take a quick drive to Billings to do some last minute shopping . Billings was pretty busy , but we managed to get around without any problems . Just had to be patient . Our first stop was the mall . I had to get some last minute presents for Gary . I told Jennifer that this was her last chance to get her photo with Santa taken . When she was little she was afraid of Santa and would never sit on his lap . I do have one photo of her but that was the year she was born . I even tried getting her to sit on his lap with her brothers at her side , but no go . She would kick and scream and it just wasn 't worth it . So all these years I don 't have a photo of my youngest with Santa . Now that she is grown I tease her about it . When we got done in the mall , she was hungry so we stopped at Applebee 's for lunch . She ate while I just had a soda . After eating we made our way to Wal - Mart . It was very busy in Wal - Mart . We didn 't need to get much but had to stand in the check out line for about 20 minutes . Just our luck , we get behind a woman who had one item without a price tag . The checker had to run and get a price tag put on the item . Then we made our way home . We got home around 6 : 00 pm . Once I got home , I wrapped up the last of the presents and put them under the tree . Then it was just time to relax . Jennifer and I had plans to go to midnight mass , but we were just too tired to go . For Christmas we opened our presents and then Jennifer and I went to church . After church I fixed our dinner and we spent the rest of the day grazing on food . Got phone calls from my family and I even talked to my future daughter in law . This morning we got back into our normal routine , when we went to go swim it was snowing again . It snowed all day long and we got about 6 inches today . In total for the month of December we must have a good two feet of snow on the ground . We got more snow this month than we have had in the last two winters total . Gary shoveledPosted by After spending five days inside the house , I am getting cabin fever . I have ventured out in public twice already . I went to tae kwon do class last night . Gary signed up two new students who also need uniforms and he has no clue on sizes for the kids . Now that I saw the kids , I know what to get them . The uniform sizes are not what the kids normally wear . I love them because I wear a size 5 . It was funny because the first things the kids noticed was that my mouth looked different and I talked different . At least they can understand me . They did ask what happened to my teeth . The woman who was with me when I fell just feels so bad that I had to have my teeth pulled . She still feels that it was her fault that I fell . It 's not like she pushed me or anything like that . Today I went to the bank . I put my teeth in had to have them in for five hours today . Towards the end I was ready to take them out . All that plastic in my mouth is just annoying . It is just going to take time . Anyway I was able to drive around and get some fresh air . Need to start getting back into a normal routine . I haven 't worked out for over a week and feeling it . I have been eating soup all week , so tonight I was able to eat a hamburger . It took me a while to finish eating , but I managed to eat real food . It sure was tasty . It is going to be a while before we can go out to eat , but once I get my partials that is going to be on the top of my list , going out for a nice dinner . Tomorrow Gary and I are going to Billings , we have two Patriot Guard missions at the airport . The missions tomorrow are the good kind . One of for a kid who is coming home from boot camp and the other is for a kid coming home from Iraq for the holidays . Both are going to be at the airport , so we will be indoors and not freezing outside . It snowed this afternoon and it supposed to be cold tomorrow , below zero again . This will be a huge test for me with my teeth , but I need to get used to having them in all day anyway . I can drink with them in , just not eat . It has been 4 days now and I 'm feeling much better . I no longer have to take the pain pills , in fact I only took those for the first two days . Monday I needed two pills and on Tuesday I only needed one and that was at night . Every day I put in my temporaries an hour longer than before . Today I 'm up to 4 hours . I am getting better at getting them in , but it is going to take some time getting used to having all that plastic in my mouth . Right now it feels like I 'm wearing mouth guards . At least when I talk now , Gary & Jennifer can understand me . I have to wear the temporaries for 6 weeks . I will just get used to them and then have to get used to my real partials . Those won 't have as much plastic at the temporaries . I 'm still eating " soft " foods like soup and oatmeal . I haven 't tried eating any solids yet , will have to get brave and try something , but probably over the weekend . I can 't eat with the temporaries in , as they cover over the top of my back teeth , but I can drink with them in . I have to take very small sips , so it takes me a while , but I can do it . I am going to venture out today , will be picking up Jennifer from work . I haven 't had fresh air since Monday . I will be ready to go back to work on Monday . Yesterday I had my teeth pulled . It really wasn 't that bad at all . The night before I took one of my happy pills , boy did I sleep good Sunday night . I was pretty nervous about the whole thing , after all getting 10 teeth pulled would make anyone shudder . Woke up as usual in the morning and it was cold - 20 , but I got ready . Mom drove up from Wyoming to take me to my appointment . She got here on Thursday before the frigid cold and storm hit . We left town around 8 : 45 am . I had to go to the post office to get some stamps and then before we hit the road , we got one of our fru - fru coffees . I don 't know when I will get another one any time soon . Besides I had to take the last happy pill an hour before my appointment . I ate pretty good over the weekend . On Friday I went to Taco John 's and had a nacho 's navidad , then on Saturday was our Christmas party for tae kwon do and I ate a pretty good dinner , even had red velvet cake for dessert . On Sunday when we went out for coffee I had a McDonald 's cinnamelt . It was all very yummy . I must had gained 5 pounds over the weekend . Got to my dentist 's office and checked in . We got there about 10 minutes early . I told Mom that if she had anything to do it would be ok for her to leave because it would take a couple hours for me to get done . She had everything done , so she stayed . Good thing she brought a good book to read . We were there for three hours . The dentist asked me if I was ready for all this . Not really but lets get it done . The shots in my mouth hurt worse than the extraction itself . Nothing like getting shots in the roof of your mouth , not to mention that my top gums are still sore from my fall in August . Before I knew it , he had all my front teeth out . Didn 't feel a thing at all , very easy extraction . He pulled my wisdom tooth last , he was pretty sorry that even though my mouth was numb , he can 't numb the sound . That is the worst . My face was numb from my nose to my chin . The dental staff kept talking to me and I would answer , but it was very difficult . There was one point when IPosted by Yesterday Gary got a phone call informing him that I had won two free tickets . The phone call was from the Harley dealership . Anyway , he called me at work and asked me if I had remembered filling out slips of paper at the dealership . I did , but it had been last month and I had forgotten about it . I had to call the dealership back and let them know that I wanted the tickets . Who in their right mind would not accept two free tickets . I called them back and verified my information and they are going to mail me the tickets . I thought they would be in the mail today , but no such luck , should get those tickets tomorrow . Now our dilemma is what to do with these two free tickets . When I filled out the slips of paper , we said that we would never win . We never win anything like this . I know you wondering what I won . I won two tickets to the Denver Bronco - Buffalo Bill game at Invesco Field in Denver on the 21st . We won 't be able to make it to Denver , so will probably send them to Gary 's brother . What a surprising Christmas he will have . This would be a dream come true going to a pro football game . Neither one of us is a Bill or Bronco fan . The timing is not going to work out . Now if the Bronco 's would be playing Green Bay that is another story . We would be doing everything in our power to go . Right away Gary had offers to buy our tickets at the store and I have offers at the court house . The right thing to do would be to give them to his brother , but first Gary needs to call him and see if that would work for them . Just my luck , I win something very exciting and I can 't use it . Not in the cards right now , but someday we will make it to a pro football game . Our goal is to go to Lambeau field . Last night Gary and I went to a fondue party . My old boss and his wife host this party which they started last year . This time there were 5 couples in all . Our job was to bring the wine . We had bought three bottles , chardonney , riesling and a red rose . Not only that but the host had a bunch of wine too . Their house is just around the corner from ours so we just walk . We had shrimp , beef and venison marinaded in different marinades and some veggies . We also had a broccoli rice dish and another salad . For dessert we had chocolate cake with whipped cream topping . It was all very tasty . It was alot of fun , you cook your own food . They had three fondue pots ready to go , she even had a batter for us for the veggies . You get to eat how much you want . Gary and I were the second ones to arrive and the first thing we had to do was have a drink . Gary had a beer while I had a glass of red rose wine . For dinner everyone drank some of the chardonney then we ended up drinking some cabernet sauvignon . That one is a very dry wine , then we finished off the chardonney . In all I had 6 glasses of wine and Gary had 5 . It 's a good thing that we didn 't have to drive . We were both feeling pretty good . We were at the party for just over 4 hours . Had alot of good laughs and great conversation . We did sleep very good last night . Also walking gave us a bit of fresh air which felt very good . Woke up this morning with a slight headache , but once we got some fresh air we were both fine . We had gone to McDonald 's for some coffee . We really enjoy this party and now we want to get our own fondue pot , this would be a great thing for Super Bowl . Good News , I can finally get audio books . I was in my office talking to my boss about not being able to get audio books and it has been forever . Every time I go in the library I 'm told that they are having problems with the computers . I 've been waiting very patiently for about three months to get audio books . My boss is on the library board . It just happened that one of the librarians was in the court house and she stopped in my office to visit . I was telling her how disappointed I was in not being able to get audio books . She looked at me like I was crazy , what was I talking about . She showed me how I can check out audio books right from my home . I used my work computer with the ok from the boss . Went through all the steps accordingly . Now I have a problem with the work computer , keep getting an error notice about the digital rights management component . I tried downloading the program every which way I can think of , read all the instructions and I followed the steps to a t . Even my boss was having problems . She called the head librarian and told him about our problem . The librarian told us that we can check out audio books from our own home , just can 't use the library 's computers . Those aren 't working . Apparently if you are a state computer you can 't get the program to work . The only thing we can figure is that the state has a block so that employees can 't download copyrighted material . I downloaded the program from home and guess what , it works . All I have to do is log in , chose my local library and then type in my card number and I 'm ready to go . The system is pretty screwy though . Seems like there is only one book available to download . If I find a book that I want to listen to and it says to add it to my list , that means that someone else in the state has already checked it out . If I put the book on my list , then I will get an e - mail notice letting me know that it is available and I can then download it onto my computer . If the book says add to my cart , then I can get that book right now . Now that I can get thePosted by We survived our Thanksgiving feast . Jennifer 's friend came over to eat and he stayed for about 3 hours . We all had a real nice visit and enjoyed some good cooking . Jennifer helped me quite a bit this year . Told her that it was time for her to learn how to cook a holiday feast . We still have alot of left overs to eat up . We watched the football games until Gary got bored with them . Both games were pretty boring . Then we watched movies . Today , Gary and I went to Billings for some shopping . I was surprised that he wanted to go shopping , especially on this day of all days . I took the day off from work as Gary already had it off . I did stop by my office to pick up pay checks , then left . First we stopped at McDonald 's for a cup of coffee and shared a cinnamon melt . Saw an old high school friend of mine there , so visited with her for a bit . She just got done shopping at one of the local stores in town . We also saw one of our tae kwon do kids and her family there . We got on our way to Billings , first stop was the bank . We are a victim of fraud so had to get that taken care of . We have to file some papers and hopefully will get this all taken care of . First order of business was to shut down the card that was used . I also cashed in my jar of coins . Surprisingly I had $ 154 . Well actually I had $ 153 . 99 , I did manage to find a penny in the bottom of my purse . I didn 't think I had that much . I 'm saving that to buy a new mp3 player or ipod so that I can listen to audiobooks from the library . The library doesn 't have it up and running yet , I 've been waiting patiently for two months now . First I have to find out what players will work with the system . I do have my shuffle that I won last summer and will have to try and see if that will work first . If it does , then I 'm in business , just have to wait for the library to get in gear and get their system up and running . I already bought the converter so that I can listen to the ipod through my car speakers . In the mean time , I have to actually check out books and sit down and read themPosted by Yesterday I had a dental visit . This was just supposed to be a quick check up and then I would get the next one to have my teeth pulled . My daughter was off yesterday so she made the trip with me , after all I need my therapy . She decided to be dropped off at Wal - Mart and she would wait for me there . No problem . I dropped her off and then made my way to my appointment . I got in right away . I 've been having problems with oneof my teeth with being sensitive to cold . Well , my quick check up ended up being three fillings and a mold of my bottom teeth . I was at the dentist for two hours . So much for a quick check up . The doc had a cancellation and since I was already there , might as well get the fillings done , especially since one is sensitive . I got moved from one room to another . The dentist gives me te good stuff to numb my mouth , since it takes quite a while to get numb . Getting the fillings was quite the ordeal . First he puts the thing that he calls a button , it feels like a bear trap getting put into my mouth , after he puts the botton around my tooth , I then get a big plastic thing around it so that the water doesn 't drown me . The drill is the worst part . He did hit one part of the tooth that about sent me to the roof . Once we got past the most sensitive part it really wasn 't that bad . The only thing is that he kept hitting my sore teeth in the front . Once I got the fillings put it , he decided that he would take the mold of my bottom teeth . The only thing that I have to say about that is why can 't they make the paste tasty . It felt like my mouth was stuffed full of mashed potatoes , only mashed potatoes tastes so much better . He wouldn 't do my upper teeth because he didn 't want my front teeth yanked out . My next appointment is in two weeks . This is when I get my 10 teeth extracted . He is also going to shape my gums . I am not going to be knocked out , he is only going to numb my mouth , but he did say that the extractions will be very easy . He did give me a prescription for some happy pills . I will be taking 2 pills to mPosted by Last week we went to the HOG chapter meeting in Billings . It was a pot luck dinner and a white elephant auction . I had made my layer jello salad to take . We didn 't have anything for the auction and I wanted to see what else the others were bringing . Besides that I couldn 't find any white elephants . We had our meeting first and we had to vote for the assistant director of the chapter . Got that done , then they awarded prizes for the mileage contest and also gave out patches for members who have been in for 5 or more years . They were selling raffle tickets and I had Gary buy some . We didn 't know what they were for so I figured that maybe the tickets were to raffle off the white elephant items , but then that kind of defeats the purpose of the auction . Anyway he bought $ 10 worth of tickets . One of the most popular rides the group takes is the Gambler 's Run to Deadwood . Gary really wants to do this ride so we listened intently to the information and took down the phone numbers that are needed . The ride is in June and we will spend four wonderfully fun days gambling and riding . After we ate , they drew numbers for the raffle . I won $ 70 , it was actually a 50 - 50 raffle and my winning ticket was the very end one . I was shocked because we usually don 't win anything like this . We are going to use the money to buy some Harley Davidson jeans . When we bought the bike , Gary got a card with some discount stuff on it and one of the items is to buy a pair of jeans and get the other one free . The auction was alot of fun , some very good items and some gag items . One of the gag items is the Harley Davidson phone . I guess this was the 3rd year that it has been up for auction , will see if it makes it for next year . We didn 't bid on anything , didn 't feel right because we didn 't bring anything . I did get alot of ideas for next year . We are still learning all the tricks of the group and next year we will be seasoned . I did make our reservations at the hotel for the Gambler 's Run . I was the 4th person to do so . My friend who works in the office nePosted by Flu season is officially here . I got my flu shot on Friday at work . The county works with the public health nurse and they schedule a day for employees and their families to get the flu shot . I get one every year , mainly because if I don 't then the VA gets after me , so it is easy to just get the shot at work . This way I don 't have to take any time off and my health insurance pays 100 percent . I got my shot right away , but not after filling out paperwork . This year we had a choice on flu shots . We could either get the shot or the nasal spray . After reading the information on the two , I decided to go with the shot . The nasal spray is a live virus . Now who in their right mind would want the live virus sprayed up their nose . Well , people who are afraid of needles . I told the nurse to give me the dead stuff . I had a choice in that too . I could get the kind with the preservative or without . It didn 't matter to me , I just go the shot . I sat down at the table and visited with the health nurse . We got caught up on what our kids were doing and where they are . Her kids swam on the swim team as Jennifer both with the Otters and the Bulldogs . I got the shot in my left arm as I need my right arm . My arm doesn 't hurt at all , it was all pretty painless . However , I just had to laugh to myself on how the nurse was giving me the shot . She was aiming like I was a dart board . I wanted to ask her if I should draw a bulls eye on my arm . I kid you not , she was really aiming . Most of the time when I get a shot , I just get it . So , I 'm protected for this year and I shouldn 't get sick . Every second Sunday during the months of September through May , the church has breakfast . There are enough groups that each one only has to cook once . November was my groups turn . We always fix french toast , scrambled eggs , ham , regular toast , coffee and juice . It takes at least 3 women to cook . I was asked to help and I told them that I would , but that I would be out of town Friday and Saturday , but would be back to help cook . That means someone would have to get the groceries . I was told that would be no problem . Sunday morning I got up bright and early to get to the church to start fixing breakfast . We serve at 8 : 30 and 10 : 30 . Setting the tables takes the longest . I get there and was the first person . I checked the refrigerator and it was empty . I tried calling the woman who was supposed to get the groceries with no answer . Great , no one else is coming so far . By now it is about 7 : 15 , so I go to Father Fabians house . I ring the doorbell and no answer . I figured maybe he was in the church . The doors were unlocked . No sign of Father in the church , but there was a man practicing the organ , getting ready for mass . I asked him if he has seen Father and he hadn 't . I go back to the house to try again . I rang the back doorbell , the front doorbell still no answer . By this time I 'm in a panic to figure out what to do . No cooking helpers have arrived , it is 7 : 30 , no sign of Father Fabian . People are starting to arrive for mass and as far as anyone knows Father is supposed to be there . I just can 't run to the store and get the groceries right away and fix breakfast by myself . The store doesn 't open until 8 on Sundays . Finally Father answered his door . He said that breakfast was canceled because they couldn 't get any workers . He knew I was out of town , but I didn 't get any messages . I have given them my number , but no one can remember it or hasn 't written it down . Father left a message on Mom 's answering machine for me . I never check her machine . That was such a relief . I decided then to go to early mass since I was already atPosted by I don 't know about you , but I am so glad that the election is over and we can move on . I got so tired of all those political ads and they seemed to get more ridiculous as the election moved on . Not only did we get national and state , but we also got Wyoming political ads . No matter which one was airing , they were all the same , just the names were different . At least we get a break for a while from all those ads . I had election day off as a holiday . I get general election day off every two years . This year we voted absentee . Montana has no excuse and it was so much easier . I really didn 't have a good excuse not going to the polls . The biggest reason for voting absentee was that I was able to have my ballot at home and really go over it . At the polls , there are times when I feel that I have to hurry , especially when there is a line . For the state initiatives , I was able to read my voter information pamphlet and that made it so much easier . It wasn 't hard at all getting our ballots . Since I work in the court house , the election office is only a floor below me . Gary and Jennifer had to write a letter requesting their ballots and giving me authorization to pick it up for them . I just have to fill out an affidavit at the office . I brought them home and all we had to do was make sure the ballots were delivered to the election office by election day . I personally handed our ballots in , saving money on postage . Living in a small town , we didn 't have long lines like the bigger cities did . We did have a large voter turn out this year . Alot of state offices were up this year and because of term limits , they were all new people for the state senate and state house . For my day off , I went out to coffee with Mom . We went to MoJoes and had one of our fru - fru coffees . It was very tasty and we visited with alot of people that we knew . Mom was able to show off her new photos of her newest granddaughter . I then came home and watched mindless tv with Jennifer . She had the day off too . We then picked up Gary during lunch and met Mom at SuPosted by Last Tuesday was the last of my dental visits for the probing and scoping . This time they did the upper right side . My daughter and her friend went with me , but I dropped them off at Wal - Mart before going to the dentist 's office . We went shopping after my appointment . I did buy a new pair of boots , I call them my therapy boots . I got the the office and I 'm greeted by my first name , I figure this is not a good sign . I 've been there so often that they call me by my first name . I didn 't have a long wait , got into the torture chamber and ready to go . First thing they do before they numb my mouth , I get my mouth stuffed with cotton swabs with this awful tasting stuff that is supposed to taste like cherries . Not . Then the fun part , getting the shots to numb my mouth . I get the normal three , then wait to see if my mouth is numb enough . Naturally it isn 't so I get three more shots . One is in the roof of my mouth , ouch . We wait a few minutes . Thing are going good until she hit one tooth and I literally came out of my chair . She couldn 't figure out why my mouth isn 't numb with as many shots as I got , so here comes the doc with some stronger stuff . He comes in and starts giving me a bad time , starts to laugh and rub his hands together . Not a good thing for a patient who hates dentists in the first place because of all the pain . So I got another set of three shots . Wow , nine shots in all , just to numb the upper right side of my mouth . By this time , my mouth is numb , so she was able to probe and scope away . After she was done , the doc came in to give me the bad news . My two front teeth that I knocked loose when I fell two months ago just are not healing , in fact one is them is starting to die . I will be getting ten teeth in all pulled . I told the dentist that I want them taken out all at once . I don 't want a few done then have to come back and get the rest pulled . I will be having the four upper front , the wisdom tooth on the upper right , and five lower front . He said that a bridge won 't work , not for that many teeth . Said it woPosted by While I was in sunny Southern California , I found out what an awesome driver my sister is . This was on Thursday when we were to go to San Diego to meet cousins for lunch . We were sitting around the house , waiting for my younger niece to get home from school . My oldest niece was deciding if she wanted to go with us or not . We soon got the lecture from her on how she was the best person to drive us down to San Diego . San Diego is about 60 miles south of Murrieta . We weren 't sure who was going to drive , but we were going to have to go in Mary 's van . That was the only vehicle large enough to take all of us without taking two cars . Mary said that if she didn 't feel like driving I could . That sure perked up Katie 's ears . Katie then decided , no offense to us , that she is the best choice to drive to San Diego . She was the only one out of all of us that was taught how to drive in traffic and in California . Mary and I learned up here in Montana and Gramma learned so long ago in Wyoming . Katie has only been driving for 2 - 3 years . Between the rest of us , is many many many years . Mary reminded Katie that I had lived out in California for 3 years and did drive in traffic . I also drove out to visit them twice and had to drive in traffic . You should have heard the bantering back and forth on who would be the better driver for the trip down to San Diego . By the time Lexie got home from school , she was pretty tired and didn 't want to go . The two girls decided that they were going to relax at the beach . They really would have been bored visiting with the " oldies " in San Diego . No other people their age was around anyway . Mary decided that she wanted to drive . This was her first outing since Libby was born and she wanted some freedom and she knew where to go . If Mom or I drove , Mary would have had to direct us . We all managed to get in the van , the two little ones in their car seat and us older ones buckled in our seat belts , and away we went . Backing out of the driveway , Mary asked us if we would be ok with her driving , since she wasn ' tPosted by When your little sister has a new baby the only good news is a road trip . Loaded up the car , picked up Mom and headed for sunny California . I was a bit worried that Libby wouldn 't be here when I got to my sisters , but she made it in the nick of time . I left Hardin bright and early at 5 am . Had to take Jennifer to work , then I went on my merry way . I got to Meeteetse at 8 am and got a short visit with Gma . I was going to help Mom load up the car with her stuff , but by the time I got outside she had it loaded in no time . We went back inside and Gma started getting after us to hit the road because we have a long ways to go . She was so funny . We left Meeteetse at 8 : 30 am . We cut through Yellowstone Park , not necessarily saving time , but we saved some miles . Besides we wanted to stop in Idaho Falls to see Robert . We stopped in West Yellowstone for a short break and Mom didn 't recognize it at all . Back in the day she said there was only 1 main street , she was completely lost . The morning was rainy and cloudy but just a few drizzles . We called Robert from West Yellowstone and made arrangements to meet him for lunch . We got into Idaho Falls around 2 pm and Rob was already at the restaurant . Even though it was a short visit , it sure was nice to see him and get caught up on all the news . I even delivered some of his stuff that was at my house . He didn 't have much , he had already picked up most of his stuff when he made some trips up here . We left Idaho Falls around 4 pm and headed on down to Provo . Naturally it was dark by the time we hit Provo , but we were able to find a motel just off the interstate . We wanted to get through all that Salt Lake traffic before Monday morning . That night we checked in with Gma and Gary and we managed to get ahold of Ed , made arrangements to meet him for lunch . Our motel had a small continental breakfast , but it really wasn 't much of anything . We were able to get a cup of so - so coffee and some rolls . Ed had called that morning and gave me directions on where to meet him for lunch . His directionPosted by HAPPY BIRTHDAY BONNIE ! ! ! ! This is the day that my baby sister was born , 40 years ago . When she was younger she was such a good little sister . She would mind her big sister with no problem . She didn 't cause any problems , she was so cute . It was when she got older that she started to become a brat . I 'm really just kidding , she is still a sweet little thing . I had waited years to get even with her on this day . She had teased me unmercifully when I turned 40 , I couldn 't believe it . My baby sister would do this to me . I got even with her though . She had been stewing all day about how I would get even . I bought her a card that played the theme to Star Wars and it teased her about how long long long ago she was born on this day . Her boys would get a kick out of it . I even put in a package of confetti inside the card . My idea was for her to open the car and all this confetti would be strewn around . She got my card , but she was so suspicious that she opened it very carefully . It is hard to get even when we live in different time zones . Even my daughter thought I was so mean to my sister . But she thought it was funny , especially when I explained to her how her aunt teased me . I 'm glad that she has embraced being 40 , it really isn 't all that bad . She even had the courage to tell her son 's her true age . All these years she had her boys convinced that she is 29 . I would give her a hard time about lying to her children . Happy Birthday Bonnie , love ya . Just a short note to wish Mary and Keith a very happy 20th anniversary . What a way to celebrate when your youngest daughter was born just yesterday . Here 's wishing you more 20 years . I 'll be seeing all of you in 5 days . Happy Birthday Elizabeth . I 'm so glad that you finally arrived . You were born into a very fabulous family and you have three great older sisters . Not to mention the aunts , uncles and cousins who are glad you are here . I better not forget your parents . When I come see you next week , I 'll fill you in on them and what you will need to remember . I highly recommend retail therapy . On Thursday I had my dental appointment . After spending two hours in the dentist 's chair , I was so traumatized that I needed therapy . The dentist took a bunch of x - rays of my teeth , measured my mouth and a bunch of other stuff . Then they numbed my mouth and my lower right side was cleaned and probed . They didn 't do the upper right because my front teeth are still pretty tender . The dentist is pleased at how well I 'm healing . Now my teeth are just tender , no longer sore . When I go back in a month , that 's when I get the rest of my teeth cleaned and probed . It took about a couple hour for the numbness to go away and then I was just sore the rest of the day , but my therapy session really helped . First I did something sensible , got the oil changed in my car for my road trip to California . Then the therapy session started . I first bought two new pair of jeans . Tried on a bunch of clothes , very fun . Only came out with the 2 pair . On to the next store . It was here that I bought my snickers . I got 2 bags for $ 4 . I left one bag here at home , but a little imp who lives in my house found them . Today there are only 2 left and I only ate one at home . The other bag I took to the office . These are used for my chocolate fix . Snickers is my favorite candy bar . The bags I bought are the mini sized ones . Since they are on sale for Halloween , I have plenty of time to stock up . Next stop was the mall . I wanted to get a new pair of shoes , but couldn 't find the pair that I wanted . Will get that on my next therapy session . Got home in plenty of time to relax before heading off to our martial arts classes . I highly recommend this type of therapy for everyone . It was so relaxing and fun . I was bummed out when I found out my newest niece is being a difficult child . She decided that she didn 't want her birthday on Friday . But that 's ok , as long as she decides her birthday is before I get to her house for a week long visit . Friday was also a good day . I got a huge raise at work . With retroactive pay included , my Posted by We were finally able to take the bike out for a ride today . After two weeks of rain and me recovering from my injury , we got the bike out today for the Chapter meeting and ride . It was a little foggy this morning , but burned off fast . We did go out for coffee with the bike and it was pretty cool out . We met up with a couple friends at the truck stop . They were going on a different ride with a different motorcycle group , but we all ended up at the same place . We made our way to the dealership and I tried on some chaps . We now know why people wear chaps , to help stay warm on cool days . Also it helps protect you from bugs and tiny rocks . Let me tell you , trying on chaps is quite an ordeal . First of all , sizes at the dealership run small , so nothing like having to wear the next size up . Second , one needs to remember that chaps goes over jeans . Keeping all of that in mind , it 's not so bad wearing a larger size than normal . Didn 't buy a pair , not at $ 190 . There is a site where we can get leather gear alot cheaper . The group met at the dealership . Today was the day for the chapter picture , then on to the meeting . The picture was taken at Veterans Park which is next to Rocky Mountain College . There were about 50 bikes all together today . When we arrived at the park , there was a young mother with her children who were going to get out and play in the park , but as soon as all these bikes arrived , the kid slammed the door and the mom just wanted to get out of there . I thought she was going to run us over , but she did manage to keep her cool . She did get out of there unscathed . All of us were laughing about how mean we bikers are . We all got together for the photo . It will turn out nice , we had the eagle statue in the background . After the photo , we all made our way to Strokers in Huntley . We arrived at Strokers and you should have seen all the bikes parked in the lot . The other bike group was having their September 11 Memorial Poker Run and Strokers was a stop off point for them . There must have been about 80 bikes in the parkPosted by Yesterday I got my stitches out . YEAH ! ! ! ! ! I was supposed to get them out on Thursday , but when I made the appointment at the Hardin Clinic , I couldn 't get in until yesterday . Since I wasn 't treated here , the doc wanted to make sure I was healing , especially since I 'm " older " . I told the receptionist that all it takes is a snip snip and tug tug . If I had tweezers and small scissors here at home , I would have done it myself . Our doctor friend even offered to take them out for me , but since I already had the appointment I appreciated his help , but it was ok for me to go into the clinic . Looking back I should have taken up his offer . I didn 't want to have my stitches taken out in the martial arts school . I got to the clinic early because I knew I would have to fill out a ton of paperwork . The paperwork wasn 't that bad , all I had to do was update my insurance information . I only had to wait in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before being called . The nurse called my name and then asked me what I was in for . Don 't these people read . She took my vitals and all of that good stuff . At least I didn 't have to step on the scale . Then it was about a 30 minute wait . I had taken a book with me and got a couple chapters read . The doc finally came in and I had to retell my story to him . This doc said that normally I should have come in 5 days after my accident . He said that he likes to take out stitches in 5 days to help avoid scarring . Scarring is the least of my worries . The doc at the ER in Columbus said to keep them in until Thursday . Give me a break . He did say that I healed quite nicely for being " older " , just treat it like a scratch . I still have to keep putting neosporin on it . I don 't have to go back unless it gets infected or any problems . I went back to the dentist on Wednesday . When I first went right after my accident he couldn 't take any x - rays , I was too sore and swollen . At first he thought I would be ok , but now that has changed . I did more damage to my teeth than what was originally thought . I have to go back iPosted by We had a very unforgetable weekend . We were invited to a BBQ at a friends cabin out of Absarokee along the Stillwater River . One of our adult students invited the whole martial arts school up to his cabin for a BBQ and Camp Out . It was the weekend before school started and he thought that it would be a great time to have everyone relax and just have fun before serious business started . Not everyone was able to come due to other committments , but there were 12 of us there . Gary and I arrived at the cabin at around 2 : 00 in the afternoon after a bit of searching . We forgot to bring the map that was made and we drove up the road too far . He did say that he would have his turn off well marked with streamers and balloons . We found it on our way back , never did see the streamers and balloons because there wasn 't any . His son had put out a paper plate that read " Doc 's Cabin " . Our friend is a medical doctor and everyone in class just calls him Doc . When we got there Doc and his family and another student of ours was already there . It was about an hour later when the other family of 5 arrived . The kids had a good time swimming , tubing , canoeing and fishing in the river , while us adults sat on the cabin 's porch watching . The cabin was located in a beautiful and peaceful place along the river . The current wasn 't strong at all and the water was calm for the kids to enjoy . Since we were in the foothills of the Beartooth mountains it was very comfortable to enjoy the outside . Here is where the unforgetable part comes in . I had decided to go for a walk up river with another couple just before dinner . Doc was doing all the cooking and wouldn 't accept any help , except Gary was able to help cut up vegetables . My friends and I were enjoying our walk and we must have walked about half a mile up river on the rocks . A deer even cut in front of our path and there were times when we stopped just to enjoy the view . Visited with a couple of fishermen along the way . We were about half way back when tragedy struck . You got it , I lost my footingPosted by Forty some years ago I was blessed with a life long best friend . Yep , my little sister was born on this day . Growing up we had our usual sibling fights , but since we reached our adult years and moved many miles apart , we are the best of friends . It wasn 't easy growing up with a little sister just a couple years younger than you . She was so stubborn , that at times she forgot who the big sister was . I tried to boss her around and she wasn 't going to mind me . I think she forgot where her place was in the family line . No matter what , I was always going to be the oldest and I wouldn 't let her forget it . I can proudly say that we 've never had a fight where we didn 't speak to each other . Looking back all our fights were very petty way back when , but at the time they were important to us . Through the years I learned how great it is to have a life long best friend . One who would always be around and listen to your lifes problems . Growing up we have also gone on our own ways and started our own lives and moved many miles apart . Every chance we get , we always stay in touch and it is so nice to finally get together on all those special occasions . Have a very Happy Birthday Mary . I love you . We survived our Harley vacation . The first thing I had to learn was how to pack light and I mean very light . We both had to share one small bag with all of our stuff . I managed to get all of that done . Not much room left before all the necessities like helmets , rain gear , leather coats . Our trunks actually hold quite a bit . We left on Saturday morning for our first stop in Gardiner . It was a nice day for riding , we ran into road construction just before Gardiner . It wasn 't that bad , had to follow a pilot car for 12 miles . The road was chip sealed but it was pretty well packed down when we went through . By this time there was some very dark rain clouds overhead and we beat them to Gardiner . The storm hit about 2 hours later . We had just parked the bike and got inside the restaurant when the storm hit . We got hail and heavy rain . We stayed inside until the storm blew over , but it sure was a wet and cold ride back to the motel . Fortunately we didn 't have to go very far . It had rained all through the night . Woke up the next morning and it was pretty cloudy and gloomy . We put on our rain gear because the bike was all wet and needed the extra layers for warmth . Good thing we put the gear on inside , it took us about 15 minutes to get it on . If a storm came through we would just get all wet before we got all of this gear on . We headed on to Yellowstone Park . Even though the speed limit in the park is 45 , it was very cold . We stopped in Mammoth to check out the map and decide where we want to go . Our first stop was the Upper Terrace at Mammoth . We sure liked walking around to get warmed up . From Mammoth we made our way to Canyon . By this time it was warming up pretty good , so at Canyon we peeled off our rain gear and put on the leather coats . My goal at Canyon was to see the lower falls , but not to be . The road was closed for construction , so we drove the South Rim . We went to Artist 's Point to see the falls . I have never been to Artist Point and it sure was a very pretty view . From here we did stop to see the view of the Posted by We went to the Lodge Grass All Class Reunion over the weekend . The reunion was held at the Billings Hotel and Convention Center . Lodge Grass is not big enough to hold something this big , in fact Lodge Grass is barely a livable town anymore . The locals jokingly call it " Little Beirut " . People kept telling me what a great little town it was , but I just can 't see it . I do believe them and I 've seen the photos . It really is a shame how this town has turned out . We didn 't go on Friday as there wasn 't anything planned for his class . The only class that really had anything going on Friday night was the class of 58 . Saturday we checked in at the registration table to pick up our tickets for the dinner and picnic . There was a cocktail hour from 5 - 7 and then dinner at 7 with dancing at 9 . We didn 't get there until about 5 : 30 and milled around a bit , found a table to sit at and then visited with some of his friends . There was a good turn out but the younger set didn 't come . Most of the people there were from the 30 's , 40 's , 50s and 60 's . A few from the 70 's , but no one from the 80 's on . There were only 2 from Gary 's class and he said 15 graduated . One of the ladies who sat at our table was his mother 's very best friend . She was also a teacher at Lodge Grass . She was a very funny lady and she had us all laughing with her stories . My favorite story was when she sent another teacher a sympathy card . She said that she had this problem student and when he transfered to another school she found out who his teacher was and she sent the teacher a card . We had a good dinner and ate quite a bit . The dinner was buffet style . We didn 't stay for the dancing . The band didn 't play our kind of music . We didn 't win any of the door prizes or the teepee that they were raffling off . Sunday was the picnic . The picnic was held at the Convention Center . Again we ate very good food . One of the people at our table this time was a mother to one of my childhood friends . You remember Bonnie Watson and you guys would probably remember her younger brother Posted by Today we went to Huntley for the Beartooth HOG Chapter picnic and olympics . It was alot of fun and we got to have a good time with our new friends . There is another couple from Hardin in the group . In fact they are neighbors of ours just around the corner . We had good food catered in . We ate burgers , hot dogs , chicken , potato salad , broccoli salad , fruit , chips and drinks . There must have been about 30 of us there . It was a family picnic , so there were a few kids present . After we ate , the games began . We got in on the balloon toss . The balloons were filled with water and had been sitting in water , so nobody got a dry balloon . We made it to the final round , but I didn 't throw the balloon far enough for Gary to catch it . He didn 't get wet , the balloon landed on the ground . You should have seen one catch I made with the balloon . I caught it between my pinky fingers and didn 't drop it . Just laid it on the ground to get it back in my hands to toss back . For the bike wash game , the driver had to go under a rope and the passenger had to throw a water balloon over the rope and catch it without breaking . We were going to do this together , but one of the kids really wanted to play , so he was Gary 's passenger . He threw the balloon too hard . It hit Gary on the shoulder and then fell to the ground . Neither one of them got wet with a water balloon . Some of the drivers did get wet when the balloons landed on them . The next game was the plank race . You got into teams of 4 and you have your feet strapped onto a plank . You have to work together to make it across the finish line . It was alot of fun to watch . We were going to get in , but let a couple kids get in on the fun . The third game was to see how slow the driver could go before putting his foot on the ground . Gary didn 't get in on this game because he has the advantage . With a trike , he could go as slow as a snail and his foot would never touch the ground . The highlight of the games was the pie eating contest . Only 4 people got in on this and one was a kid . It sure was fun wPosted by Life is just busy as the summer moves along . What a busy week we had last week . On Wednesday the head wolf had his annual doctor appointment at the VA . We both took the whole day off from our jobs and it sure was nice . Nothing like driving 85 miles to the VA , but it was a nice day . His appointment was at 11 am , but he had to have all of his lab work done 2 hours before his appointment . The lab opened at 7 : 30 , so we got there as soon as it opened . He had to fast before the lab , so afterwards we went out and ate breakfast . He got a great checkup , said that he is as healthy as a 20 year old . Boy was the wolf gloating . The doc took hypertension off of his chart and just told him to keep up what he was doing . Next week he has to see a dermatologist . He has a spot on his back that has changed and a new one has appeared on the back of his leg . Now he is not worried about it and thinks I 'm crazy to have him check it out . He will thank me . I have to go to show the doc which one to check out . The first doc didn 't see anything wrong , but he was looking at the wrong spot . Friday was an exciting day . We had 3 of our martial arts kids have a promotion test , so we had to be there . It was also the opening ceremonies for the state games . I decided to go to the test instead of going to opening ceremonies . It was a good choice . That afternoon a storm came through fast and hard for about 30 minutes . We had golf ball sized hail and heavy rain . The rain coming off the roof of the court house looked like a waterfall . I 've never seen that much water come off the roof . My car looked like a boat in the parking lot . So much water that the drain couldn 't handle it all . I literally had to take off my shoes , roll up my pant legs and wade through the water to get into my car . Later that night while I was at the test , high winds came through and a rain shower fell on the people at the opening ceremonies . At least I was warm and dry . Saturday was the day of the tournament and we had 7 students competing . This is a different format than what we arePosted by So far this month we have had two missions for the Patriot Guard Riders . Our first mission in July was in Laurel . Kimberly Johnson was an active member of the Navy . She was stationed in Virginia and was killed in a motorcycle accident . We got the call for the mission but it was short notice . Her funeral was on the 3rd . We went because we were both off anyway and we figured that they needed as many members as they could get . There were about 15 of us for her family . The mission today was for Donald Wolfe who was from Hardin . He was killed in action in Viet Nam in 1967 and was laid to rest today . For many decades his remains were lost and was just recently identified . His daughter was born about a week after he died . His family was here in town today and he was buried at the Little Bighorn Battlefield . Our group was called and we ended up staging in two different areas . We stationed with about 30 others at Bullis 's funeral home and we escorted him to the cemetary . The family came out and talked to each and every one of us . We were even invited to come inside for part of the service . Gary had the honor for the missing man formation . When the motorcycles escort to the cemetary , they are side by side . There is one spot saved for the missing man and we got that honor today . The only problem with being in this spot , is we don 't get to see the procession . There were about 100 other Patriot Guard Riders who has staged at the cemetary . Not only were the Patriot Guard Riders there , but also some Viet Nam veterans . It sure was a sight to see all the flags . Gary and I were both honored to be a part of this . Quite a few of us came into to town to eat lunch at the 4 Aces . We do have support vehicles and one lady in her vehicle was having problems . Some of the guys with us are mechanics , so they went out got her car going and brought it into town . We took it to the Chevy dealer for her Ford vehicle . It was determined that her fuel filter wasn 't working properly , anyway she got fixed and on her way home to Billings . About 8 of us Posted by Here I am trying a new venture , blogging . I got the idea from my sisters who have their blogs . I enjoy reading them and can catch up on family news . I have many adventures here in the wolf den , even though my children are all grown . Two have left the den , one is still here . When she is not working , she stays in her lair most of the time . She comes out just to let us know that she is still here . Thought life would be easier when the cubs left the den , but life seems to be busier . I always have something on my calendar . Not only do I work full time , the hubby and I also run the martial arts school here in town , so we are never bored . My name is Pat . I 'm a mother to 3 grown children and a wife to my hubby of 25 years . I stay busy working full time and hubby and I also run a martial arts school . For fun we will take the new Harley out for rides . |
Writing Tips / extras / DELETED SCENES - THE FREAK SHOW - From Book 105 May 2010These chapters are from the original draft of " Cirque Du Freak " . Most of this material appears in the book , but there are lots of little scenes which I cut to give it a sharper feel . If you enjoyed reading about the circus performers in the book , here 's your chance to catch a bit more of their acts ! NOTE : A few of the performers appear differently here than in the book . Hans Hands , for instance , has no legs in this version , and the Twisting Twins are Siamese twins ! These changes are all part - and - parcel of the writing process . Alexander Ribs was the skinniest man I 'd ever seen . He looked like a skeleton , he was so thin ! There seemed to be no flesh on him . He would have been frightening , except he had a big friendly smile . Funny music started playing and he danced around the stage . He was dressed in ballet clothes and looked so ridiculous that soon everybody was laughing . After a while , he stopped dancing and began stretching . He said he was a contortionist ( somebody with bones like rubber , who can bend every which way ) and could do just about anything with his body . First of all , he tilted his head back so far , it looked like it had been cut off . He turned round so we could see his upside - down face , then went on leaning backwards until his head was touching the floor ! Then he put his hands down the backs of his legs and pulled his head through until it was sticking up behind him . It looked like it was growing out of his bum ! He got a huge round of claps for that , after which he straightened up and began twisting his body around , like a curly - wurly straw ! He kept twisting and twisting , five times around , until his bones began to creak from the strain . He stood like that for a minute , then began to unwind really , really fast . Next , he curled himself up into a ball . Mr Tall came on and picked him up , then began bouncing him up and down ! Alexander shouted a lot and pretended it was hurting , but we could tell he was joking . He looked so funny , bouncing up and down , I swear , if you were near the back of the theatre , you 'd have thought he was a real ball . When Mr Tall left the stage again , Alexander Ribs stood up and got two of those drumsticks with furry ends . You know , the sort they use for really big drums in parades ? Nobody knew what he was going to do with them , and boy , did we get a shock when we found out ! Alexander got the first drumstick and hit one of his bony ribs with it . There was no sound for a second , but then he opened his mouth and a musical note sprung out ! It sounded like the noise a piano makes . Then he closed his mouth and struck a rib on the other side of his body with the other drumstick . Again he waited before opening his mouth . This time it was a louder note , a higher one . After a few more practice goes , he kept his mouth open and began playing songs ! I know you won 't believe me , but I swear that 's what he did . He played " London Bridge is falling down " and some song by The Beatles and the theme tunes for a few well - known TV shows . We thought for a while that somebody else was making the music , but then he stepped down off the stage and walked through the crowd , and we found out it was for real . He let us touch his ribs and his throat , and we could actually feel the music travelling up ! It was incredible . He was like a walking , living piano ! The skinny man got a huge round of applause when he was finished , and left the stage to shouts for more . But none of the freaks came back to do an encore . It was one of the circus rules . After Alexander Ribs came Rhamus Twobellies , and he was as fat as Alexander was thin . He was enormous ! You could hear the floorboards creaking as he walked out onto the stage , and I 'll never know how it didn 't collapse beneath him . He walked along close to the edge and kept pretending he was about to topple forward . You could see the people in the front rows getting worried , and some jumped back out of the way whenever he got close . I don 't blame them : he would have squashed them flat as a pancake if he fell off ! Finally he stopped in the middle of the stage . " Hello , " he said , and he had a surprisingly nice voice , low and squeaky . As with Alexander Ribs , you sensed straightaway that he was friendly . " My name is Rhamus Twobellies , " he said , " and I 'm called that not just because I 'm fat , but because I really have two bellies ! I was born with them , the same way certain animals are . The doctors were stunned and said I was a freak . That 's why I joined this show and am here tonight . " Then he picked up the drumsticks Alexander ribs had left behind and swallowed them ! Like I said , they were big drumsticks , long and round , but he gulped them down like a couple of lollipops . He waited a moment before doing anything else , then gave his belly a little pat , and back up his throat and out of his mouth they came , one after the other . " Yum - yum , " Rhamus said . " It must be feeding time . " He pointed to a huge clock which was being lowered by ropes from above . It stopped about three metres above his head . " How long do you think it will take me to eat all this ? " he asked , pointing to the food . " There will be a prize for the person who guesses closest . " " Two hours , ten minutes and thirty - three seconds , " another person shouted . And soon everybody was calling out . I said an hour and three minutes . Steve said twenty - nine minutes . The lowest guess was seventeen minutes . Lots of people said he couldn 't eat that much food , not in one go , no matter how fat he was . When we were finished guessing , the clock started to tick and Rhamus started to eat . He could eat like the wind ! He went through that food like a hurricane . His arms moved so fast , you could hardly see them . His mouth didn 't seem to close at all . He shovelled food in , swallowed , and moved on . Everybody was amazed . I felt sick as I watched him and some people actually were sick ! I heard somebody puking in the seat behind me , but didn 't turn around to look , in case I started to throw up as well . Four minutes and fifty - six seconds ! He had eaten all that food in less than five minutes ! I could hardly believe it . It didn 't seem possible , even for a man with two bellies . We stared at him for a moment , then realised he was joking . We began to laugh and clap and lots of people stood up on their seats to cheer him . Rhamus said nothing , only smiled happily and wiped a few crumbs from his chin . " Now before I begin , " Rhamus said , " I must warn you not to try this at home ! As I said , I have two bellies , but they are also very strong bellies . I can eat things which can choke and kill normal people . Again I say do not try and copy me ! If you do , you will surely die . " Then he began eating . He began with a couple of nuts and bolts , the sort you find in your Dad 's tool - box , and sucked them down without blinking . After a few handfuls , he gave his big round belly a shake and we could hear the noise of the metal inside . Next he ate the spoons and forks . He twisted them into circles with his hands ( they must have been the cheap sort which bend easily ) , then popped them into his mouth and let them slide down . He said his teeth weren 't strong enough to tear through metal . After that , he swallowed a long metal chain , then paused to catch his breath . His belly began rumbling and shaking . I didn 't know what was going on . Then he gave a bit of a heave and I saw the top of the chain come out of his mouth . I began to applaud lightly , along with most of the other people , but then , as the chain came out , I saw that the spoons and forks were wrapped around it ! He had somehow managed to poke the chain through all the hoops ! My light claps quickly became hard and heavy ones . " That 's it , " I thought , " this must be his final act . There 's no way he could top that one . " But I was wrong : he could ! His belly began shaking again , so fast that it looked like he was about to explode ! It jiggled left and right , up and down , and around in circles . He was holding his breath and his face was going purple . Just when I thought he was going to pop , his belly stopped . He let out his breath in a long sigh and smiled . Then he gave a careful heave , and up came the statue , joined together again ! Before Rhamus left the stage , he tossed the statue out into the audience and asked us to pass it around . When it came to me and Steve we noticed the cracks where it had been glued together . Steve traced one of them with his finger , then passed the statue on and rubbed his finger with his thumb . A couple of people in the blue - hooded suits came around after Rhamus Twobellies , selling sweets and gifts . There was some really cool stuff , like chocolate models of the nuts and bolts that Rhamus ate , and rubber dolls of Alexander Ribs which you could bend and stretch . And there were clippings of the wolf - man 's hair . I bought a bit of that : it was tough and wiry and sharp as a knife . " How much is the glass statue ? " Steve asked . It was the same sort of one that Rhamus Twobellies had eaten and put back together in his belly . The person in the blue hood didn 't say anything , but stuck out a sign with the price on . " I can 't read , " Steve said . " Will you tell me how much it costs ? " I stared at Steve and wondered why he was lying . The person in the hood still didn 't speak . This time he ( or she ) shook his head quickly and moved on before Steve could ask anything else . " I don 't know , " he said . " That 's why I was asking . Don 't you think it 's strange that they keep their faces covered all the time ? " Mr Tall stood behind her and said , " Ladies and gentlemen , this is a very special act . Truska here is new to our family . She does not speak your language , nor mine , and there is much we do not know about her . All I can say is , she is one of the most incredible freaks I have ever seen , with a truly unique talent . " Mr Tall walked off after that . Truska was very beautiful , dressed in flowing red robes which had lots of slashes and gaps . Lots of the men in the theatre began to cough and move around in their seats . Truska stepped closer to the edge of the stage , so we could see her better , then said something which sounded a bit like the way a seal barks . She put her two hands on her face , one at either side , and stroked the skin gently . Then she held her nose shut with two fingers and tickled her chin with her other hand . An extraordinary thing happened : she began to grow a beard ! I saw the hairs creeping out , first just on her chin , then on her upper lip , then on the sides of her face , and finally all over . It was long and blonde and straight . Truska stopped by my chair and let me put my hand on the beard . She smiled at me while I was feeling it , and I smiled back . But then , all of a sudden , the hair wrapped itself around my hand like a snake ! I yelled in fright and tried pulling my hand back , but I couldn 't . Truska laughed , then laid her hands on my head and calmed me down . I sat back and stopped tugging , then watched as the hairs of her beard began waving around and tickling my arm . She let go of me after a few seconds and moved on . The beard continued growing as she walked , until finally it reached down to her feet ! When she arrived at the back of the theatre , she turned and walked back to the stage . Even though there was no breeze in here , her hair blew about wildly , tickling people 's faces as she passed , sweeping along in front of her and behind her and to the sides . When she got back to the stage , an iron ring was lowered from above by a rope , and the beard tied itself around the ring . The ring moved up a few metres and she rose from the ground . She hung there a while , and then she began to do pull - ups , using only the hair of her beard ! She did twenty pull - ups , then got down and bowed while we clapped . Next Mr Tall came back on - stage and asked if anybody had a pair of scissors . Lots of women did and they raised their hands . Mr Tall invited a few up on stage . Well , that got a lot of people excited , and for ten minutes nearly everybody in the theatre tried cutting off her beard . But they couldn 't ! It didn 't matter how strong they were , or how sharp the blades of their scissors . Nothing could cut through the bearded lady 's hair , not even a pair of garden shears which Mr Tall handed out . The funny thing was , it still felt soft , just like ordinary hair ! We couldn 't understand why it couldn 't be cut . Finally , when everyone had admitted defeat , Mr Tall emptied the stage and Truska stood in the middle once again . She stroked her cheeks as before , and held her nose , but this time the beard began to grow back in ! It took about two minutes for all the hairs to disappear back inside , and then she looked exactly the way she did when she first came out . This time it was Hans Hands , a man who had no legs . His body was normal down to his waist , but there it stopped . He walked on his hands . He told us that he was born without legs and had learned to get along very nicely without them . He said there wasn 't anything he couldn 't do with his hands that normal people did with their feet . The men were laughing . They thought they were going to beat him easily , but I didn 't think they would . I remembered Truska 's beard , and I didn 't think any of the freaks would make bets unless they were sure they would win . Mr Tall blew the whistle and off they went . Hans raced into the lead . He was wearing strong leather gloves to protect his hands . He was able to swing his hands forward like a gorilla , taking huge steps . He got so far ahead , he was able to stop and wait for the others to catch up ! He made a few jokes while he was waiting , then let them pass him by . He watched them run on ahead , then took off after them and made noises like a train . When he caught up , he pretended to bite their bums . One guy got so confused , he ran smack into a wall and nearly knocked himself out ! It was very funny . Finally , when they were getting close to the end , Hans Hands took the lead and raced home as the winner . Everybody else was panting but he wasn 't even sweating . He only laughed and pulled himself back up onto the stage . After that , he did some gymnastics . He was able to do somersaults and cartwheels , and could stand upside - down on one hand using just two fingers ! He must have been very strong . There was a short pause after Hans had left , and then Mr Tall came on . " Ladies and gentlemen , " he said , " our next act is another unique and perplexing one . It can also be quite dangerous , so I ask that you make no noise and do not clap until you are told it is safe . " When it was quiet enough , Mr Tall walked off the stage . He shouted out the name of the next freak as he went , but it was a soft shout . " Mr Crepsley and Madam Octa ! " he called . Then the lights went down low and a creepy - looking man walked out onto the stage . He was quite tall and thin , with very white skin and only a small bit of orange hair on top of his head . He had a large scar running down his left cheek . It reached to his lips and made it look like his mouth was stretching up the side of his face . He was dressed in dark red clothes and was carrying a small wooden cage , which he put on a table . When he was set , he turned and faced us . He bowed and smiled . He looked even scarier when he smiled , like a crazy clown in a horror movie I once saw ! Then he stopped smiling and started explaining about the act . I nearly missed the first part of the speech because I wasn 't looking at the stage . I was watching Steve . You see , when Mr Crepsley had walked out , there had been total silence , just as Mr Tall had ordered , except for one person who had gasped really loudly . I stared curiously at him . He was almost as white as Mr Crepsley and he was shaking all over . He 'd even dropped the rubber model of Alexander Ribs that he 'd bought earlier . " It is not true that all tarantulas are poisonous , " Mr Crepsley said . He had a deep voice . I managed to tear my eyes away from Steve and train them on the stage . " Most are as harmless as the spiders you find anywhere in the world . And those which are poisonous normally only have enough poison in them to kill very small creatures . " But some are deadly ! " he went on . " Some can kill a man with one bite quicker than ten rattlesnakes can . They are rare , and only found in extremely remote areas , but they do exist . " I have one such spider , " he said and opened the door of the cage . For a few seconds nothing happened , but then the largest spider I had ever seen crawled out . It was green and purple and red , with long hairy legs and a big fat body . I wasn 't afraid of spiders , but this one looked terrifying . " Madam Octa has been with me for several years , " Mr Crepsley said . " She lives far longer than ordinary spiders . I am not sure how long , exactly , but the monk who sold her to me said some of her kind live to be twenty or thirty years old . She is an incredible creature , both poisonous and intelligent . Were she to take it into her mind , she could terrorise any nation and bring it to its knees . " While he was speaking , one of the blue - hooded people led a sheep onto the stage . It was making a frightened baa - baa noise and kept trying to run . The hooded person tied it to the table and left it . The spider began moving when it saw and heard the sheep . It crept to the edge of the table , where it stopped , as though awaiting an order . Mr Crepsley produced a small flute from his trouser pocket and blew a few short notes . Madam Octa immediately leapt through the air and landed on the sheep 's neck . The sheep jumped about a metre high when the spider landed , and began baa - ing really loudly . Madam Octa took no notice , only hung on and moved a few centimetres closer to the head . When she was ready , she bared her fangs and sunk them into the sheep 's neck ! The sheep froze and its eyes went wide . It stopped bleating and a few seconds later , toppled over on its side . I thought it was dead , but then realised it was still breathing . " This flute is how I control Madam Octa , " Mr Crepsley said , and I looked away from the fallen sheep . He waved the flute slowly above his head . " Though we have been together such a long time , she is not a pet , and would surely kill me if I ever lost it . " The sheep is only paralysed at the moment , " he said . " I have trained Madam Octa not to kill outright with her first bite . The sheep would die in the end , if we left it , but we are not that cruel . " He blew the flute again and Madam Octa moved up the sheep 's neck until she was standing on its ear . Mr Crepsley blew again and once more she bared her fangs and sunk them in . This time the sheep shivered once , then went totally still . Madam Octa dropped from the sheep and began crawling towards the front of the stage . The people in the front rows became very alarmed and some jumped to their feet . But they stopped dead in their tracks at a short command from Mr Crepsley . Everybody froze , though they couldn 't stop shivering with fright . Madam Octa stopped at the edge of the stage , then stood up on her two back legs , the same as a dog ! Mr Crepsley blew softly on his flute and she began walking backwards , still on the two feet . When she reached the nearest leg of the table , she turned and climbed up . Madam Octa cocked her head , then appeared to nod . She crawled across the table until she was in front of Mr Crepsley . He lowered his left hand , at the same time playing a new tune on the flute , and she started to crawl up his arm . The thought of those long hairy legs creeping along his flesh made me sweat all over ! " You may clap now , " Mr Crepsley said , and the audience began applauding as softly as it could . When we finished , he began playing the flute again . Madam Octa slid down the other side of his face , along the scar , and walked around until she was standing upside - down on his chin . Then she spun a string of web and dropped down on it . She was hanging about ten centimetres below his chin now , and she slowly began rocking from side - to - side . Soon she was swinging about , getting fairly high , about level with his ears . Her legs were tucked in , and from where I was sitting she looked more like a ball of wool than a spider . But I wouldn 't have tried knitting a jumper with her ! Then , as she was making an upward swing , Mr Crepsley threw his head back suddenly and she went flying straight up into the air . The thread snapped and she went tumbling around and around . I watched her go up , then come down . I thought she 'd land on the floor or the table , but she didn 't . Instead , she landed in Mr Crepsley 's wide - open mouth ! I nearly got sick when I thought of Madam Octa sliding down his throat and into his belly . I was sure she 'd bite him on the way down and kill him . But the spider was a lot smarter than I knew . Because , as she was falling through the air , she had stuck her legs out , and they had caught on his lips . He brought his head forward , so we could see his face . His mouth was wide - open and Madam Octa was hanging between his lips . Her body was throbbing in and out of his mouth and she looked like a balloon which he was blowing - up and letting the air out of . It took me a few seconds to wonder where the flute was and how he was going to control the spider now that she was stuck in his mouth . Then Mr Tall appeared with another flute , which he began playing . He couldn 't play as well as Mr Crepsley , but he was good enough to make Madam Octa take notice . She listened , then began moving from one side of Mr Crepsley 's mouth to the other . When she was finished , she lowered herself from his chin , like she had before . There was a large web spun across Mr Crepsley 's mouth . He winked at the audience , then began chewing and licking the web ! He ate the whole of it , then rubbed his belly ( being careful not to hit Mrs . Octa ) and said , " Yum - yum . Nothing tastier than fresh spider webs . They are a treat where I come from . " He did more tricks with Madam Octa after that . He made her push a ball across the table , then got her to balance on top of it . He got her jumping from one top of a box to another . She could leap almost the entire length of the table ! Then he set up small pieces of gym gear , weight and ropes and rings , and put her through her paces . She was able to do all the things a human could , like lift weights above her head and climb ropes and pull herself up on the rings and do somersaults . After that he brought out a tiny dinner set . There were plates and mini knives and forks and teeny - weeny glasses . The plates were filled with dead flies and other dead insects . I don 't know what was in the glasses , and to tell you the truth , I 'm not sure I want to ! Madam Octa ate the dinner as neatly as you please . She was able to pick up the tiny knives and forks , four at a time , and feed herself the flies and insects . There was even a fake salt - cellar which she sprinkled over one of the dishes ! " Ssshhh ! " he snapped , and wouldn 't say another word until Mr Crepsley and the spider had left . He watched the odd looking man walk all the way back to the wings , his eyes never leaving him for an instant . Then he turned to me . " This is amazing ! " he gasped . " I 'm not talking about the spider ! " he said . " Who cares about a silly old spider ? I 'm talking about Mr … Crepsley . " He paused just before saying the man 's name , as though he 'd been about to call him something different . " Yes , " he said , " as a matter of fact I do . " Then he rubbed his chin and started looking worried again . " Now all I have to do , " he muttered to himself , " is figure out what to do with the information . " He paused , before adding : " Assuming , of course , we get out of here alive … " There was another break after Mr Crepsley and Madam Octa 's act . I tried getting Steve to tell me more about who the man was and why he was being so mysterious , but his lips were sealed . All he said was , " I have to think about this . " Then he closed his eyes , stuck his head between his hands and started thinking . They were selling more cool stuff during the break : beards like the bearded lady 's , toy models of Hans Hands and , best of all , rubber spiders which looked just like Madam Octa . I bought two , one for me and one for Annie . They weren 't as good as the real thing , but they 'd have to do . They were also selling candy webs . I bought six of those , using up the last of my money , and ate two while I was waiting for the next freak to come out . They were yummy , a bit like candy - floss . I stuck the second one over my lips and licked at it , the same way Mr Crepsley had , and pretended I was him . When the next act was ready , the light went down and everybody settled back into their seats . Gertha Teeth was next up . She was a big woman , not exactly fat , but large all over . She had thick arms and thick legs and a thick neck and a thick head . " Ladies and gentlemen , I am Gertha Teeth ! " she said . She sounded strict and wasn 't very friendly looking . " I have the strongest teeth in the world ! " she said . " When I was a baby , my father put his fingers in my mouth , playing with me , and I bit two of them off ! Nobody has put their fingers in my mouth since ! " A few people started to laugh , but she stopped them with a furious look . " I am not a comedian ! " she snapped . " If I want you to laugh , I will dress like a clown ! If you laugh again , I will come down there and bite your nose off ! " That sounded quite funny too , but nobody dared chuckle . She spoke very loudly . Every sentence was a shout and ended in an exclamation mark ( ! ) . I wouldn 't have liked to have Gertha Teeth for a mother . I bet she 's the sort who would send you to school even when you were sick , and make you wear short trousers no matter how old you were . " Dentists all over the word have been astounded by my teeth ! " she said . " I have been examined in every major dental centre , but nobody has been able to work out why they are so tough ! I have been offered huge amounts of money to become a guinea - pig , but I like travelling and so I have refused ! " She picked up four steel bars , each about thirty centimetres long , but different widths . She asked for volunteers and four men went up on stage . She gave each of them one of the bars and asked them to try bending them . Well , they did their best , but they weren 't able . When they had failed , she took the thinnest bar , put it in her mouth , and bit clean through it ! She handed the two halves back to the man and he stared at them in shock . He put one end in his own mouth and bit on it , to check that it was real steel . His howls when he almost cracked his teeth assured everybody that it wasn 't a fake . Gertha did the same to the second and third bars , each of which was thicker than the first . Then , when it came to the fourth bar , the thickest of the lot , she chewed it to pieces like a chocolate bar . She rolled the pieces round in her mouth and went on chewing . In the end , she started spitting bits out into the audience . One landed on the man in the row in front of us , and I was able to see that the metal had been shaped into a bullet by her teeth ! When the bars were finished , two of the blue - hooded assistants brought out a large radiator and she bit holes in it ! Then they gave her a bike and she chewed it up into a little ball , tyres and all ! I don 't think there was anything in the world Gertha Teeth couldn 't chew her way through if she set her mind to it . After a while , she called some more volunteers up on stage . She gave one a sledge - hammer and a large chisel , one a hammer and smaller chisel , and the other an electric saw . Then she lay flat on her back and put the large chisel in her mouth . She nodded at the first volunteer to swing the sledge at the chisel . The man with the sledge - hammer was shaking and didn 't look like he wanted to do it . He shook his head , but Gertha insisted , and so finally he raised the sledge - hammer high above his head and brought it down . I thought he was going to smash her face open , and so did lots of other people , because there were loads of gasps and some people covered their eyes with their hands . But gertha was no fool . At the last possible second she swung out of the way and the sledge slammed into the floor . She sat up and spat the chisel out of her mouth . " Hah ! " she snorted . " How crazy do you think I am ? " Then one of the blue - hoods came out and took the sledge from the man . " I only called you up here to show the sledge is real ! " she told him . " Now , " she said to those of us in the audience , " watch ! " She lay back again and stuck the chisel in her mouth once more . The blue - hood waited a moment , then raised the sledge high and swung it down even faster and harder than the man had . It struck the top of the chisel and there was a fierce noise . My teeth grinded together at the sound and my spine went tingly . Gertha sat up and I expected to see her teeth falling out of her mouth , but when she opened it and removed the chisel , there wasn 't as much as a crack to be seen anywhere ! She smiled , then laughed . " Hah ! " she said . " You thought I had bitten off more than I could chew ! " And this time she waved a hand to show it was OK to laugh . She let the second volunteer go to work then , the one with the smaller hammer and chisel . She warned him to be careful of her gums , then let him position the chisel on her teeth and whack away at them . He nearly hammered his arm off , he was trying so hard to make a dent in her teeth , but he wasn 't able to harm them . The third volunteer tried sawing them off with the electric saw . She made him cut through a piece of wood first , to prove the blade was sharp . He ran that saw from one side of her mouth to the other , and sparks were flying everywhere , but when he put it down and the dust had cleared , Gertha 's teeth were as white and gleaming and solid as ever . The Siamese twins , Sive and Seersa , came on after Gertha . Their act was pretty good , but a bit dull compared to the others . I think they were put on at the end in order to give people a chance to get their breath back . Sive and Seersa were joined from their hips to their shoulders . They had four legs between them , but only two arms . They dressed in different clothes , though of course the clothes had to be stitched together in the middle . They were pretty , not very old . They didn 't say much , but when they did speak it was in low giggly voices . They started off by asking if anybody had a book . A few people had and a couple were brought up on stage . Sive covered her eyes with a cloth and Seersa began reading from the book . Seersa would read half a line , then pause , and Sive would finish it ! They told us they had two separate brains , but thought as one person . Next they got people up on stage and asked them to write things down on sheets of paper . They could write anything : their name , the date , a poem , whatever . Then one of the twins would cover her eyes and the other would study the writing , and the one with the covered eyes would tell us what it said . They never got it wrong ! After that , Seersa swallowed a glass of water and Sive spat it back up ! They did the same thing with a meatball and also with a string of spaghetti . It was cool ! When Sive and Seersa were finished , Mr Tall came out and thanked us for coming . I thought the freaks would come out again and line up in a row or something , but they didn 't . Instead , all that happened was , Mr Tall said we could buy more stuff at the back of the hall on the way out . He asked us to mention the show to our friends and not to tell the police . Then he thanked us again for coming and said that was it , the show was over . Steve was looking behind me , up at the balcony , his mouth wide open . I turned to see what he was looking at , and as I did , people behind us began to scream . When I looked up , I saw why . |
Samantha Carter awoke to the feeling of a male arm draped over her waist . She gave a little sigh and looked over her shoulder at the man sharing the bed with her . Jack was still sound asleep , looking years younger than he did when awake . It wasn 't all that long ago that the sight of him lying there naked beside her would have sent a thrill of pleasure through Sam . She rarely felt that thrill now . Carefully moving Jack 's arm , Sam slipped out of bed . She got her robe and headed into the bathroom . After taking a long shower , she stood looking at herself in the mirror . Where was the joy that was in her eyes only a few months ago when she and Jack first got together ? Where was the flush of pleasure that she used to wake up with after a night of lovemaking with him ? Now , all she felt was the physical satisfaction from the lovemaking . The emotional satisfaction was gone . When Sam first became romantically involved with Jack almost five months ago , she had known that it would take time for the emotional barriers between them to come down , particularly on Jack 's side . After all , he was not a man who openly shared his feelings . But , after all these months , nothing had changed in that regard . No ground had been gained at all , no matter how hard she tried . Feeling very sad all of a sudden , Sam got dressed and went to the kitchen to make some coffee . While it was brewing , she heard the shower turn back on . Jack was awake . A part of her had been hoping that he 'd keep right on sleeping so that she could get out of the house without talking to him this morning , although she knew that , if she 'd done that , he 'd have called her right away to find out why she left . " Good morning , lover , " he murmured . He was always in a great mood the mornings after they 'd made love . It used to amuse and please her , but not anymore . Sam nodded in agreement . Both she and Daniel could easily have died . Only Teal ' c 's timely arrival had saved them from being killed by The Trust . " Besides , " she added , " before anyone is allowed through the gate , they 're going to be running a whole series of diagnostics to make sure everything 's working okay and is hooked back up properly . " " They can handle it without me . " The truth was that Sam had been hoping that this time off would give her the opportunity to talk to Jack about things , but after what happened yesterday , she wasn 't feeling up to dealing with it . Maybe she 'd feel better tomorrow . " So , I was thinking that you could spend the rest of your leave here , " Jack said . He smiled suggestively . " I guarantee we 'll have lots of fun . " Sam sighed again , though silently this time . She felt like screaming at Jack that there should be more to their relationship than sex and fun . Instead , she said , " I can 't . There are a millions things that I need to get done this week , stuff that I haven 't had time for because of work . For one thing , you should see the pile of dirty laundry . If I don 't wash soon , it 's liable to fall over on top of me and smother me . " " Sorry , but a girl 's gotta have her priorities , " Sam responded . Not so long ago , she 'd have said it in jest . Now , she was thinking that she really would rather do laundry than stay with Jack for the rest of her leave . " Ah , let me see . If I recall , you lost the one shoe while we were making out on the couch last night . " Jack walked over to the sofa and got down on his knees , looking around . " Ah hah ! There is it . " He reached under the end table , hissing at the sudden pain that flared from his left shoulder all the way down his arm . Sam gave his shoulder a gentle rub . It was over five months ago that Jack received the injury that made it necessary for him to leave SG - 1 . It had happened while Daniel was still recovering from the bullet wound Jack was forced to give him when he was possessed by Anubis . The three other members of SG - 1 and another SG team had gone on an important mission , and Jack was seriously wounded in the shoulder . At the time , he 'd laughed about fate getting even with him for having shot his best friend in the same spot , but that was before the whole ugly truth had been revealed . Jack had suffered extensive nerve damage , and the doctors told him that , even with months of intensive physical therapy , he 'd never have full mobility in that arm again . Jack had been forced to choose between a desk job or retirement . He chose the latter . He was still undergoing physical therapy . It was just two weeks after his retirement that he and Sam started dating . They 'd been dating for only a week when they ended up in bed together . Now , all these months later , Jack was still happy with their relationship , but Sam was not . Giving her former C . O . a kiss goodbye , Sam left the house . She went home and , just as she had said she would , got busy on the laundry . She was putting the third load in the dryer when she suddenly started to cry . Angrily wiping the tears away , she finished loading the dryer and turned it on . Then she went out into the living room and curled up in a chair , still crying . For so many years , she had dreamed of being with Jack , of spending her life with him , having a family . But reality was proving to fall far short of the dream . Sam felt empty , discontent . Though the sexual needs of her body were being satisfied by her love affair with Jack , the needs of her heart were not . Feeling lonely and in need of someone to talk to , Sam dried her face , fixed her makeup , and headed over to Daniel 's house . When he answered the door , she realized that he must have just gotten out of the shower . He didn 't have his glasses on , his hair was wet , and the athletic T - shirt he wore was clinging to his damp skin , accentuating his muscular chest and showing off his broad , strong shoulders . Sam couldn 't help but admire his physique , feeling a little womanly thrill pass through her . It wasn 't the first time she 'd felt this when looking at Daniel . After all , she was an adult , heterosexual female , and he was an extremely good - looking guy with a fantastic body . However , like all the other times she 'd felt it , Sam chose to ignore it and put it out of her mind , although , for some reason , it was proving to be more difficult this time . The archeologist stepped back to allow the recently promoted lieutenant colonel to enter . That 's when she noticed that his feet were bare . The thought of him puttering around his house barefoot made her smile . " Of course we can . You shouldn 't even have to ask . Come on . Let 's sit down . " Daniel led her to the sofa . " Okay , so what 's ' sort of ' wrong ? " he asked after they 'd both taken a seat . " I spent all day yesterday with him . I was hoping that we could talk about things , but all he wanted to do was fool around . I finally gave up and did what he wanted . " Sam sighed deeply . " I think I 've made a terrible mistake . Jack and I should never have gotten together . " Sadly , Daniel was not surprised by what Sam was telling him . He would never admit it aloud , but he 'd always had doubts about whether or not his two friends could have a successful relationship . Though he loved them both and wanted them to be happy , he knew down deep inside that they were not really compatible . A small secret part of Daniel , a tiny voice that he always tried not to listen to , was presently cheering over the fact that things weren 't going well for Jack and Sam since that meant that he might have a chance with her . That inner voice made Daniel feel selfish . He shouldn 't have those kinds of thoughts . He should be sad that the relationship between two of his best friends wasn 't going well . " I 'm sorry , Sam , " Daniel said , and he was sorry , sorry that Sam was unhappy . He wanted her to have joy in her life . " Have you talked to Jack about this at all ? " " We don 't talk , Daniel , not really . That 's the whole problem . He talks about movies , sports , the news , stuff like that . We discuss things that happened on missions or at the SGC . But whenever I try to talk about something that doesn 't interest him , he usually changes the subject or listens with only half his attention . We don 't share our hopes and dreams with each other . We don 't talk about the things that couples are supposed to . There have been times when I was upset about something that happened at work , and he listened as I talked about it , but not once in all this time have I been able to get him to talk to me about things that are worrying or upsetting him . I haven 't even been able to get him to tell me how he feels about having to retire , even though I know that it really hurt him . I 'm not stupid . I knew that it would take a while for Jack to open up to me . I mean , you know how he always was , rarely talking about feelings and stuff like that . But we 've been together for nearly five months , and not a damn thing has changed ! When am I going to start feeling like I 'm being given more of him than just his body ? Pretty much the only time that things are really good between us is when we 're having sex . " " No . No , it 's okay , " Daniel assured her , returning his gaze to her . " I mean , it 's not like I 'm a prude . I have had sex , even if it has been a , uh , really long time . Besides , after all these years , we 're good enough friends that it 's okay to share a few , um , private things . " He searched her eyes . " What is it that you really want from Jack , Sam ? " " I want to be able to really talk to him , like you and I are talking now . I want to share the things in my heart with him and have him do the same with me . I want him to share more than just a physical connection with me . " Sam got up and took a step away , her arms wrapping around her waist . " I 've always known that Jack and I don 't have a lot in common , but I had hoped that , once we were a couple , he 'd make more of an effort to show at least some interest in the things that interest me , just like I 'm trying really hard to develop an interest in what he likes to do . I just . . . " Sam sighed . " Sometimes , I almost feel like our relationship is one - sided , that all Jack really wants from me is the sex and someone to hang around with . " Daniel thought about her words , wishing that he could help somehow . He got to his feet and stood in front of her , trying to meet her eyes , which were cast downward . " I wish I knew how to help , Sam , but I don 't know what I could do . I 'd talk to Jack about it , but I doubt he 'd be very receptive to me lecturing him about his relationship with you . " Sam shook her head . " I wouldn 't expect you to do that . It 's not your responsibility to fix things between me and Jack . " She looked at him and took his hand . " I 'm just glad that I have you to talk to , Daniel . You and I have always been able to talk about things , even stuff that hurts . " She gazed deeply into his eyes . " You 're my best friend . " A little surprised at her declaration since she had never said that aloud before , Daniel smiled . " You 're my best friend , too , Sam . . . well , one of them . You , Jack and Teal ' c all mean a lot to me . " He tightened his grip on her hand . " I know that I 'm not Jack , but if you ever want to talk to me about those kinds of things , your hopes and dreams , I would be very happy to listen . " The corners of his lips turned upwards . " And you might just get me to share some of mine with you , too . " Sam gave Daniel a final squeeze , then they drew apart . On impulse , she placed a soft , almost sisterly kiss on his mouth . The feeling that she experienced as their lips met , however , was anything but sisterly , shocking the hell out of her . It was like a sizzling current of energy had zipped through her whole body , leaving her with a delicious tingling sensation . Daniel gasped sharply , staring wide - eyed at Sam . What he had just experienced when Sam kissed him was something he definitely should not have felt . It had been a lot like what he felt the first time he kissed Sha 're . He wanted them to kiss again . He wanted to do a whole lot more than just kiss her . " Sam , I , um . . . . " Daniel 's voice trailed off helplessly , his eyes unable to leave Sam 's . By the look on her face , he could tell that she 'd felt the same thing he did . " T - that shouldn 't have happened , " Sam whispered shakily . ' My God , what 's happening here ? I just kissed Daniel , and I really , really want to kiss him again . This is insane ! ' Simultaneously , their eyes moved down to each other 's mouths . Slowly , they both leaned toward each other . Again , their lips met briefly , sending another thrill through their bodies . Pulling back only a few inches , they stared into each other 's eyes , searching deeply . Each of them seeing a matching desire in the other , they closed the distance between them . The kiss was slow , tentative , a soft exploration . Within seconds , the space between their bodies disappeared , arms tightening their hold . Daniel 's hand came up to the back of Sam 's head as the pressure of his lips gradually increased , his hesitation fading . With a gasping moan , Sam let Daniel in . Groaning , Daniel dove into the heated cavern of Sam 's mouth . Consumed with hunger , he and Sam searched each other 's mouths deeply , their self - control vanishing in the conflagration that was raging inside them . Hands began caressing , seeking , clothing suddenly proving to be a barrier than neither of them wanted . Daniel 's top was the first article of clothing to hit the floor , soon followed by Sam 's . A moan was torn from Sam 's throat as Daniel 's hand covered her breast , his mouth descending to her neck . He lay her down on the couch , his body coming to rest on top of her . He found the front catch of her bra and opened it , pushing the material aside . His fingers went to the nipple of her right breast and teased it into hardness . Moments later , his mouth descended upon it , suckling deeply . " Oh , God , Daniel , " Sam gasped , arching upward . She could feel his arousal , and it was driving her crazy . She opened her legs wider , letting him settle fully upon her . With another low groan , Daniel jerked his hips against her , the friction of their bodies sending him into a frenzy of desire . With fumbling hands , Daniel pulled Sam 's shoes off , then reached for the closure of her pants as his mouth traveled further down her body . Sam 's respiration and heart rate increased even more as he undid the button and pulled down the zipper while his lips and tongue did all kinds of wonderful things to the soft expanse of her stomach . He tugged at the waistband of her pants . Sam lifted her hips so that he could get them off . In a flurry of movement , the jeans joined their tops on the floor . Daniel pulled off Sam 's bra , his mouth returning to her breasts at the same time as one of his hands slid beneath her panties , finding the tingling , aching place at the juncture of her thighs . Sam cried aloud , bucking up against him . Her hands flew to his pants , unfastening them with frantic haste . She pushed them and his boxers down as far as she could . Daniel quickly got them off the rest of the way . He reached for her underpants , and , soon , they , too , were gone . Unable to wait a second longer , Daniel plunged into her . Twin cries echoed through the room . Gasping at the overwhelming feeling of being joined , they stared at each other intently for a brief instant . Then Daniel began to move , and Sam 's eyes slid shut at the sweet rapture of feeling him moving inside her . Soon , she was rocking with him . The experience of making love with Sam quickly overpowered Daniel . He could never remember being so lost in this feeling before , the sensations so strong that it drove him to lose all semblance of control . Tightening his grip on Sam , he moved faster , more powerfully , wanting to pierce straight into her soul . At that moment , Daniel 's mouth descended upon her breast , his teeth finding her nipple and biting down upon it gently . With a muted scream , Sam came , her body bucking and shaking against Daniel . The sensation drove him over the edge , and , with a shout , he climaxed so hard that it almost hurt . For a small slice of eternity , Daniel and Sam were immersed in the wild , consuming fire of the ultimate ecstasy . It seemed to last forever , yet not nearly long enough . At last , the fire dimmed , leaving behind a wondrous , glowing feeling of joy and contentment . Drawing in deep gasps of air , Daniel and Sam lay still , unable to move . It was a full minute before the archeologist lifted his head and met Sam 's eyes . He was afraid that he would see regret there . Instead , he saw an expression of wonder and what he wanted to believe was happiness . " Fantastic , " Sam agreed . She couldn 't believe how incredible their lovemaking had been . It had never felt that good before , not ever , not even with Jack . That thought made Sam stiffen . She was supposed to be committed to Jack , and yet she had just experienced the most incredible sex of her life with Daniel . She should be torn apart with guilt , and yet she wasn 't . Yes , there was guilt , but it was buried beneath the exquisite pleasure and contentment of what she had just shared with Daniel . Even so , this was something they needed to talk about . The astrophysicist realized that he must have guessed where her thoughts had gone . She made a move to sit up , and he rose off of her , breaking the connection of their bodies . He sat back on his heels , eyes not leaving Sam as he prayed that she wasn 't going to tell him this had all been a mistake . He knew that he should be feeling terribly guilty about having had sex with the woman who was the girlfriend of one of his best friends , but it had been so amazing , so wonderful that any feelings of guilt were being overwhelmed . He wanted this so badly , more than he 'd wanted anything for a long , long time . Seeing her beautiful body lying naked before him was playing havoc with his self - control . He wanted to make love to her over and over again . Sitting upright , Sam got her first good look at the body of the man with whom she had just made love . He was beautiful . The sight of him sitting there , naked and glistening with sweat from their lovemaking , made her want him again . But they really did need to talk . At last , they were settled back on the couch , both of them fully dressed except for the shoes Sam had chosen not to put back on . She looked down at Daniel 's equally bare feet and pictured the two of them playing footsie underneath the briefing room table . Damn . That was a very dangerous thought and one that led to others about their status as teammates . She was now glad that she hadn 't been made the leader of SG - 1 after Jack 's injury and retirement , that a new colonel was brought in to replace him instead . If she was Daniel 's commanding officer , what they just did would have gotten them into big trouble , even though he was a civilian . There would be all kinds of questions about her ability to be objective in giving him orders . Just being teammates was going to make things tricky enough as it was . With a start , Sam realized that she 'd been thinking about this like it was a relationship they intended to continue . Is that what she wanted ? ' Yes , ' her heart told her . " Sam , I . . . I don 't know what to say , " Daniel began , staring at his folded hands . " I know that this shouldn 't have happened . You 're with Jack , and he 's one of my best friends . I should be feeling like a real jerk right now , but . . . " he lifted his head and looked into her eyes , " but I want this so much , Sam . I 've wanted it for a long time . " " Yes , I did , but I just figured that you were confused . I mean , let 's face it . I 'd just painted a really glowing picture of you . It wouldn 't be surprising for you to get the mistaken idea that I had those kinds of feelings for you . " Daniel shook his head . " That wasn 't the reason , Sam . I asked that question because I felt something the moment I first laid eyes on you and you tried to touch me . It scared me , which is part of the reason why I was so stand - offish . After I started getting my memories back and remembered Sha 're , I was so confused . I still loved my wife , but I also had these . . . feelings for you . I finally realized that those feelings had been there for a long time , but I couldn 't see it because of my grief over Sha 're . I 've been trying to ignore them ever since then . " " Because I knew that you didn 't feel the same . I 've known for years that you had a thing for Jack . I couldn 't compete with that . I couldn 't compete with him . " " I had pretty much given up on a relationship with him . I was certain that it was never going to happen . If it wasn 't for that injury that forced him to retire , he and I would still be dancing around our feelings . Though I had briefly considered leaving the service to be with him , I just couldn 't do it . I couldn 't even find the courage to ask Jack if he still felt like that about me . How pathetic is that ? I never told you guys all the details about what happened on the Prometheus . While I was alone , wandering around with that concussion , having wacky hallucinations the whole time , I made some big decisions . I decided that it was time to put away my feelings for Jack and get on with my life . " Sam nodded , thinking about the man she had dated for two months . " But it didn 't take me long to realize that it wasn 't going to work out between us . I liked him , but I knew that the real reason I got involved with him was because I was lonely and wanted someone in my life . " Sam looked straight at Daniel . " But , if I had known that you felt that way about me , I think that I 'd have tried to see if you could be that someone , and . . . and now I know that you can be . " " I don 't know either . All I do know is that I don 't want to lose you . I want us to be together , Sam . I want to be the one you talk to about those things that are in your heart . I want to be the one you imagine a future with . I want - " Daniel 's voice broke off abruptly . For a long time , he didn 't answer , then his eyes pierced into hers . " I want to spend the rest of my life with you . I love you , Sam . I could never let myself accept that until now . " Sam felt something burst inside her , something that made her feel warm and deliriously happy . She took hold of Daniel 's head and pulled his lips to hers . They shared a long , deep kiss that made them both want more . It took a monumental act of will to separate . " Because Jack is going to call me at home tonight , and , if I 'm not there , he 'll wonder where I am . He 'll try me on my cell phone . I don 't want to talk to him and lie about where I am . " Daniel closed his eyes for a moment . " Sam , what are we going to do ? I don 't want to hurt Jack , but I want you to be with me . I want you to . . . to be mine and only mine . " He made a sound that was halfway between a chuckle and a snort . " Listen to me . I sound like some kind of possessive jerk . " " No , you don 't . " Sam smiled . " I like that you don 't want to share me with another man . I think I 'd be rather insulted if you were willing to share me with Jack , even if he is one of your best friends . Besides , I want you to be mine and only mine , too . " " Hah ! Obviously , you 've never noticed the way that some of the other women on base look at you , " Sam said , smiling . " One word from you , and they 'd be all over you . " " Even if that were true , I 'm not interested in any of them . You 're the only one I want . " Daniel became serious . " Sam , do you love Jack ? " She took a long time to answer . " I thought I did . Maybe there was a time when I did , but I think that , for a long time now , I 've been holding onto a fantasy , onto something that I only thought I wanted . Since Jack and I finally became a couple , I 've come to realize that the dream I had of us being together was just that , a dream . It could never be real , not the way I pictured it . I should have known , Daniel . I should have been smart enough to know that he and I could never make it . I wish we 'd never gotten together . I don 't know how I 'm going to break it off without hurting him . " " That isn 't what 's going to hurt him the most , Sam . It 's going to be finding out about us . He 's going to kill me . I just know it . " " Then we won 't tell him . I 'll break it off with him , then , in a few weeks , you and I can start dating publically . Nobody will ever have to know that we got together before the break - up . " " I 'd rather take my chances with Jack than risk your career being ruined , " Daniel said . His lips quirked upward . " Besides , every time I 've died in the past , I 've managed to come back to life . If Jack kills me , the odds are good that I won 't stay dead forever . " Sam almost smiled upon seeing the flash of jealously on Daniel 's face . It was pretty clear what he thought about her and Jack making love . It was then that Sam realized that she had absolutely no desire to ever have sex with Jack again . Yes , it had been very good between them , but , now that she 'd been with Daniel and knew that she wanted a relationship with him , her desire for Jack was completely gone . " I need to go , " Sam said regretfully after they parted . She wanted so much to stay , to spend the night in Daniel 's arms . But there would be other nights for that . Feeling more nervous than she ever had in her life , Sam headed up the walkway to Jack 's house . When he called last night , he had wanted her to come over for what he called " recreational activities , " but she said no , stating that she wasn 't up to it . He 'd asked if something was wrong , and Sam told him they 'd talk about it tomorrow . Well , it was tomorrow now , and Sam was so nervous that she was actually feeling queasy . She had decided not to tell Jack about Daniel today , figuring it would be better to wait until after the break - up was complete . It would make things easier for all three of them . " So , what 's up ? You sick or something ? " he asked as they walked into the living room . " I guess I should have asked that before I kissed you . " " Sam , if this is about day before yesterday , I 'm sorry . I know that you wanted to talk . I just wasn 't in the mood . " He gave her a sexy smile and stepped up to her , taking her into his arms . " I was too hot for your body . " Jack realized that this was really serious . " I know that , Sam . Okay , let 's talk . Come on . Let 's sit down . " They went to the couch and took a seat . Jack did not fail to notice that Sam sat a good two feet away from him . He was starting to get a really bad feeling in his gut . " All right . " Sam took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes . " It isn 't going to work out , Jack , this thing you and I have . " " Do we ? Yes , we 're lovers . Yes , we have some fun together , but where 's the rest of it ? Where 's the hours of just sitting together and talking with each other about personal things ? Where is the give and take , where you listen to what I want to talk about , and I do the same for you ? Where 's the mental and emotional sharing that supposed to be going on between us ? " " Dammit , Jack . Don 't you understand ? I wanted more from you than just your body ! I wanted your heart and your mind , too . I wanted to feel like I was a part of you and you were a part of me . " " No . No , I 'm not , Jack , not really . If I was , you would let me in all the way . The way things are now , I 've only got my foot in the door . " Jack shot off the couch and walked a few feet away . " I 'm not that kind of person , Sam , " he said . " You should know that . I was your C . O . for years . " " But you 're not my C . O . anymore , Jack . When we started this relationship , I thought that things would change between us , that you would open up to me . But that hasn 't changed at all . We 're no closer in that way than we were when we were just teammates . What about Sara ? Is this the way it was when you and she were married ? " " So , is it , Jack ? " Sam asked . " Is it that you just can 't have an emotionally sharing relationship with me because I was once under your command ? Do you feel like you have to stay the colonel ? " Jack still didn 't say anything . He knew that she was right . He 'd kept a big part of himself separate from her , not sharing all of his heart . Was it because she had once been under his command , and he was so used to that element of privacy that he couldn 't let go of it ? Yes , that was one reason , but it was also because he 'd lost the only two people he 'd really given all of himself to , his wife and his son , and , since then , he 'd learned to hold back a big part of himself . Jack sighed and turned around to face Sam . " You 're right . I didn 't let you in , and I 'm sorry for that . " " I 'm sorry , too , " Sam said softly . " It isn 't going to work out with us , Jack . I should have known that all along . " " I know , but that isn 't going to fix the whole problem . We 're too different . There are too many ways that we 're not alike and too few ways that we are , and that 's never going to change . I finally admitted that to myself yesterday . Daniel - " Sam quickly broke off , cursing her slip of the tongue . " So , how much of the intimate details of our relationship did you share with him ? " Jack asked in a pissed off tone . " I guess this shouldn 't surprise me . You and Daniel have always been chatty with each other . Sometimes , you 're like a couple of girlfriends . " Jack 's words angered Sam . " Yes , Jack . Daniel and I talk about things . We share things with each other . We 're close friends who love each other . " Sam stopped in front of the door . She closed her eyes , sighing silently . She was either going to have to tell him or lie to him , and lying would only make things worse later on . " Stop it , Jack . Just stop it . It wasn 't like that . Daniel and I didn 't intend for this to happen . And it was as much me as it was him . In fact , I 'm the one who started it . " Sam sighed aloud . " I 'm sorry , Jack . We didn 't intend to hurt you . I didn 't intend to hurt you . I care about you . " Jack gave an ugly - sounding snort . " Care about me . Obviously not as much as I thought you did . I thought you loved me . My mistake . " Tears came to Sam 's eyes , guilt and pain tearing at her heart . " I 'm sorry , " she whispered , then she turned , opened the door , and fled outside . The sound of the door slamming behind her made her heart crack open even wider . Tears pouring down her face , Sam drove to Daniel 's , desperately needing his love and friendship . The instant he saw her crying on his doorstep , he pulled her into a tight embrace . After a moment , he led her into the house and to the couch . " Oh , Daniel , it was awful , " Sam sobbed . " I don 't think it would have been so bad if I hadn 't had to tell him about us . I had decided not to tell him right away . I was going to wait a few days before breaking it to him . I 'd even come up with a story to tell him . I was going to say that , after he and I broke up , I came over here to talk with you , one thing led to another , and . . . . The only thing about it that would have been a lie was when it happened . " " Yeah . I screwed up . Your name slipped out , and I was forced to admit that I talked with you about my relationship with him . He got suspicious , and , in the end , I had no choice but to tell him about us . Oh , Daniel . I didn 't want to hurt him like that . And , now , I 've lost a friend . " Daniel closed his eyes and held onto Sam as she cried , knowing that he had probably lost a friend , too . He didn 't see how Jack could ever forgive him for this . If he was in Jack 's place , he wasn 't sure if he could . Sam spent the rest of the day with Daniel , talking , crying , and just being together . He tried his best to make her feel better , but Sam knew that he was hurting , too . She knew that he loved Jack like a brother and must be thinking about the fact that their friendship was probably over . He talked about going to see Jack , but Sam told him it would be a bad idea , at least for now . Jack needed time to cool off . Sam was grateful that they were going to be on leave for several more days . She didn 't think that she 'd be emotionally able to work right now . It also meant that she and Daniel had a few more days before they 'd have to tell General Hammond about their relationship . It wasn 't General Hammond 's reaction that she was worried about , though . She suspected that he 'd take it quite well . Sam was glad that he was still the commander of the SGC . Not long after President Hayes assumed office , they found out that he had briefly considered replacing Hammond but had decided not to rock the boat . Sam didn 't know what might have happened if someone else was now in command of the SGC . She also wasn 't really worried about Colonel Grayson , the new leader of SG - 1 . He was a nice guy with a warm , easygoing personality who had figured out pretty quickly that there was a special bond between her and Daniel . It might not even surprise him that they 'd gotten together . Most importantly , he wasn 't a friend of Jack 's . The two of them had met only briefly when Jack " interviewed " him to make sure that he was good enough to take command of SG - 1 and watch over Jack 's former teammates and friends . What worried Sam is what everyone else at the SGC would think . They all knew that she and Jack were together . What would they say when they found out that Sam had broken up with Jack and was now with Daniel ? Many would look at her and Daniel like they had betrayed Jack . Though Sam hated the idea of people thinking that way about her , it bothered her even more that they would think about Daniel like that . He was such a good , caring , decent guy that the thought of people saying hurtful things about him really bothered her . Sam didn 't know it , but Daniel was thinking about the same thing , only in reverse . He already knew what it was like to have people think bad things about him . After that disastrous lecture in Los Angeles , when everyone walked out of the room in disgust , he knew that most of his peers looked upon him as a nutcase . Yes , it had bothered him , but he had accepted it and moved on . It would bother him a whole lot more that some of the personnel at the SGC would think badly of him , but he could live with it . It was Sam that he worried about . Her reputation would be ruined . She would lose the respect of the other military personnel , which could cause a great deal of problems for her . Daniel had not thought about any of these things yesterday , when the joy of the love he 'd found with Sam overshadowed almost everything else . Now that he was thinking about it , he couldn 't help but feel that he and Sam had made a big mistake . But then he looked at her face and felt his love for her overwhelm him , and he knew that what he now had with her was meant to be . Yes , it would have been better if it had happened after she and Jack broke up , but it didn 't , so they would just have accept whatever the fallout would be . The lovemaking Daniel and Sam shared that night was so loving , so gentle that it made Sam cry . He gave everything to her , not holding back anything . Out of all the other men Sam had been with in the past , none of them had made her feel so loved , so cherished . Again , Samantha Carter awoke to the feeling of a male arm draped over her waist . For a brief instant , her mind told her it was Jack , but then she remembered . A happy smile curved her lips , and she carefully turned around . Daniel was still asleep , his face peaceful . Sam noted that , just like Jack , he looked years younger in sleep . Sam 's gaze traveled down her lover 's body . The sheet and blanket had slipped downward while they slept and were now bunched around Daniel 's hips , only just barely covering him . The sight made her quiver with desire , bringing all kinds of naughty images into her mind about what she 'd like to do with him . She wondered how adventurous Daniel was in bed . Jack had been willing to try just about anything at least once . Daniel 's eyes slid down to her exposed breasts . He had the urge to touch them . " I think I 'd actually forgotten what it feels like to wake up with a woman in my bed . Pretty sad , huh . " That morning , Sam discovered that Daniel could be very adventurous indeed . In fact , he even taught her a few things , stuff he claimed that he 'd learned during his anthropological studies . The bedroom was filled with the sounds of not only moans and cries of passion but also laughter . Sam giggled , nearly bursting with happiness and complete satisfaction . It made her wish that she 'd become lovers with Daniel years ago . She rolled onto her side and propped her head up . She trailed a finger across his abdomen , which caused the muscles to quiver and Daniel 's breath to hiss inward . Daniel reached over the table and clasped her hand . " I 'm glad that I 'm making you happy , Sam . I can 't begin to tell you how happy you 're making me . " They finished their breakfast and decided to go out . They spent a good part of the afternoon at the mall . This was something Sam had never been able to get Jack to do with her . In fact , he 'd made a comment that he 'd rather go to the dentist than to the mall . He hadn 't really been serious , but it had disappointed her all the same . Ignoring his objections , Sam succeeded in dragging Daniel into a lingerie shop that catered to both women and men and let him pick out some sexy lingerie for her . He absolutely refused , however , to let her buy the skimpy blue Speedo that she insisted he 'd look great in . But he did let her get the blue silk boxers . She was looking forward to seeing them on him , even though she knew that they probably wouldn 't stay on for long . " Soooo , what shall I wear tonight , hmm ? " she purred , which succeeded in an immediate arousal in Daniel . He strode up to her , took the clothing out of her hand and tossed it back on the couch . He took hold of her hips and pulled her hard against him . A flood of heat washed through Sam . She grabbed hold of Daniel 's head and jerked his mouth down to hers . She was in the process of pulling him toward the bedroom when there was a knock on the door . They both groaned in frustration . Daniel sighed . His instincts were warning him to tell Jack to leave , but his heart was saying that they needed to talk if there was ever going to be any chance of salvaging their friendship . Deciding to listen to his heart , Daniel stepped aside and let Jack in . " Still fully clothed , I see , " he said . " So glad I didn 't interrupt anything . " He spotted the lingerie on the couch , and his face darkened with anger . " Or did I ? " Sam stared at him , uncertainty on her face . He knew that she was afraid Jack would lose control and seriously hurt him . Daniel had to admit that he was afraid of that , too . But this was a conversation that he and Jack needed to have in private . Knowing that nothing she said would change Daniel 's mind , she picked up her purse and headed for the door . As she passed Jack , she gave him a look that told him very clearly that , if he hurt Daniel , he might not live to enjoy the rest of his retirement . That show of fire and spirit made him ache for her at the same time as it angered him , the expression telling him that her heart was no longer his , that it completely belonged to Daniel now . Taking a deep breath , Daniel turned back to Jack . The ex - colonel had walked over to the couch . One of the pieces of lingerie was dangling from his fingers . " So , Danny Boy , you enjoying the sex ? " Jack sneered . " Of course you are . It 's been , what , six , seven years since ya got any , right ? I bet you were real eager to get into a woman 's pants , and Carter was just the woman to let you do it . She 's a real hot tamale , isn 't she . " Jack threw down the chemise and spun around , hands clenching into fists . " What I know , Daniel , is that you went behind my back and had sex with my girlfriend . " He took a long stride toward the archeologist . " What I know is that you took her away from me . " He advanced another two strides , bringing him to within arm 's length of Daniel . " What I know is that you betrayed my trust and our friendship ! " Jack 's fist flashed out and struck Daniel 's jaw . The younger man went down . Holding his jaw , he looked up at the ex - colonel , who was glaring down at him murderously . For a moment , Daniel thought that Jack really was going to kill him . But then , Jack took a step back and strode away a few paces . Daniel got to his feet . Ignoring the pain in his jaw , he took a tentative step toward the man who had been his friend . Jack 's back was to him , ramrod straight . " Jack , I know you 're angry . If I were you , I 'd be angry , too . You have every right to feel that way . What Sam and I did was wrong . I know that . It - it just happened , Jack . It wasn 't planned or thought out ahead of time . I didn 't lure her here or seduce her . We kissed , and - and - and we just couldn 't stop . I told myself we should stop , but . . . " Daniel dragged in a deep , ragged breath , " but I couldn 't , " he whispered . " I 'm sorry . " " No , Jack , I didn 't . You were already losing her . Even if this hadn 't happened , you 'd have lost her . If things had been good between you , Sam would never have come to see me , and she would still be with you . " " What happened between me and Sam wasn 't your fault , " Daniel told him , " but the reason why she came to me , why she was so desperately unhappy , is . It wasn 't me who drove her away from you , Jack , it was you ! All she wanted was for you to knock down that damn wall you 've built around your heart and let her in . She wanted to feel like you were interesting in her mind and her heart , not just her body , and that you were giving more to her than just your body . She wanted a companion , and a confidant , and a friend , not just a lover . " " Yes , I can , Jack , because I love her , because she means more to me than anyone ever - " Daniel 's voice choked off as tears flooded his eyes . He took a few heaving breaths . " I have wanted to be with her since I returned from ascension , but I never said anything , because I knew that you loved her and that she loved you , and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt either of you . God , Jack , I am so sorry . I 'm so sorry that I hurt you , that I 've destroyed our friendship . I wish I could go back and change what happened , but I can 't . " Jack stared at Daniel , seeing the tears of anguish in his eyes . Suddenly needing to be away from there , the ex - colonel strode by the archeologist and stormed outside . He didn 't stop until he 'd reached his car . He got in and squealed away from the curb . Out of town he drove , heading for a rarely traveled road that headed up into the mountains . He drove all the way to the end of it and parked the car , then he continued on foot to a place were he could look out over the city and the surrounding area . Sam was terrified of what she 'd find when she returned to Daniel 's house after being away for an hour . She didn 't really think that Jack would kill Daniel , but she was afraid that he might have hurt the younger man badly enough to put him in the hospital . Although the archeologist had learned a lot about hand - to - hand combat in his years with SG - 1 , he could not match Jack in a fight , and Sam had a feeling that he probably wouldn 't throw a single punch at Jack anyway , not even to save himself from injury . Sam entered the house , her eyes casting about . She spotted Daniel hunched over on the sofa , his head in his hands . She didn 't see any blood , but that didn 't mean he wasn 't hurt . She took a couple of steps toward him . The archeologist lifted his head . There was a red spot on his jaw that would likely turn into a bruise , but , other than that , he appeared unharmed . What tore at Sam was the sight of tears on his face . She rushed forward and took him into her arms . He buried his face into the crook of her neck and held on tightly . Sam gingerly touched the sore spot . " I 'll get some ice . " She went to the freezer and made an ice pack for him . He thanked her as she handed it to him , wincing as he placed it against his jaw . Daniel sighed . " Well , it wasn 't pleasant , but at least he didn 't kill me or even put me in the hospital . I guess I can thank our past friendship for that . If I 'd been some stranger who slept with you , Jack would probably be sitting in a jail cell right now after having beaten me to a pulp . " Daniel met her eyes . " I tried to make him understand , Sam , make him see that neither one of us had wanted to hurt him , that we were sorry . I told him how and why it happened . " Daniel shook his head . " If you 'd been here , Jack would have put a rein on his reactions . He and I needed to have this out , Sam . It 's over and done with now . " " I don 't know . I wish . . . " Daniel sighed , " I wish there was a way to make him forgive us , but I really don 't know if that will ever happen . Jack 's not someone who forgives easily . " The next morning , Sam suddenly remembered about the clothes she had left in the dryer , surprised that she hadn 't thought about them when she went back home on Monday . She and Daniel went to her house , and , while Sam ironed the stuff that had become hopelessly wrinkled , they talked . Even though she had a ton of household choirs to do , Sam didn 't want to be alone and agreed to stay with Daniel during the rest of their leave . However , when he found out about all the stuff that needed doing around her house , he made a different suggestion . And that 's how it was that Sam gained a helper in her chores . Daniel cheerfully helped her mop the kitchen floor , vacuum the carpets , dust the furniture , wash more clothes , and clean out the fridge of all the food that had spoiled . After it was all done , they collapsed on her dining room chairs , a bit tired but pleased at all they had accomplished . After a few minutes of just sitting there , a wicked thought entered Sam 's mind . She slipped off her shoes and started sliding her foot up and down Daniel 's leg . The archeologist turned to her , desire sparking to life in his eyes . The spark turned into a flame as Sam 's foot went all the way up his thigh . He quickly got to his feet and lifted Sam out of her chair . Three seconds later , she was lying across the table , Daniel 's body draped over hers as he kissed the breath out of her . It wasn 't long before they were both naked and their bodies united in wild lovemaking . They climbed the heights swiftly , unable to go slowly this time . It 's hard to say who was more shocked , Daniel or Sam , when they came to Hammond 's office and saw that Jack was there . The former colonel looked both of them in the eye , his expression unreadable . He then got to his feet . " Daniel , Sam . We 've both been expecting you , " he said in an even tone . He then turned to the general . " I 'll be excusing myself now , sir . I 'm sure that you three have a lot to talk about . " " Yes , we do , " Hammond confirmed . " Please don 't be such a stranger in the future , Jack . We 'd all love to see you visit every now and then . The door is always open for you . " " Please sit down , " General Hammond instructed . He looked at Daniel as the archeologist took a seat . " That 's quite a bruise you 've got there , Doctor Jackson . Did you have an accident ? " Hammond didn 't say anything for a while , his gaze studying them . Finally , he spoke up . " Normally , I 'd recommend that one of you transfer to another team , but your individual knowledge and skills are very important to SG - 1 . Colonel O ' Neill just reminded me of that fact . He said that he believed you two could continue to act in a professional manner on missions and not let your relationship get in the way . " " Yes , he did . So , if Colonel Grayson has no objections , I will allow both of you to stay on SG - 1 for a probationary period . If all goes well , we 'll leave things as they are . If , however , the colonel determines that it 's not going to work out having you both on the team , one of you will be transferred . I am counting on both of you to tell me if there are any issues you 're having trouble working out that could affect your performance on missions . " " He said that things didn 't work out between you , that you weren 't compatible enough , and he couldn 't give you what you needed to be happy . " Hammond 's eyes turned to Daniel . " He said that Doctor Jackson could . " He returned his gaze to Sam . " Colonel O ' Neill is a good man , Sam , and I 'm sure he tried his best . He 's also a good friend . . . to both of you . " As they had hoped , Colonel Grayson had no trouble with the idea of Daniel and Sam being a couple . In fact , when they told him , he got a big grin on his face and thanked them for winning him a huge chunk of money . It turned out that there was a pool on whether or not Sam 's relationship with Jack would survive , how long it would survive , and , if it ended , who she 'd get together with next . Grayson had bet a hundred dollars that the relationship would last less than six months and that Sam would get together with Daniel after it ended . Needless to say , Sam was appalled that such a pool existed . Also needless to say , the couple didn 't tell him that , technically , he didn 't win the bet since the two scientists got together before the relationship with Jack ended . They had to wonder , though , if the man suspected as much , judging by the way he looked at the bruise on Daniel 's jaw . Teal ' c was the next person Daniel and Sam told about their relationship . The Jaffa was not all that surprised , confessing to them that he had already guessed that Sam 's relationship with Jack was not going to survive . He also told them that he had faith that Daniel and Sam 's love would endure , and they would find great joy in each other . By the end of the day , quite a few people at the SGC knew about Sam and Daniel 's new relationship , mostly because Colonel Grayson had cashed in on his bet . Some people wondered about the bruise on Daniel 's jaw , guessing that Jack had put it there , but when they found out that the former colonel had recommended to General Hammond that the two scientists both be allowed to stay on SG - 1 , any talk of a fight between Daniel and Jack over Sam pretty much died . A small handful of people dared to ask Sam about Jack , and she told them that things just didn 't work out between them . " Because I got to thinking about everything , and I realized that you were right . This was my fault . " Jack looked at Sam . " I didn 't give you what you wanted , what you needed . I knew that you weren 't completely happy , but I didn 't want to change . I was being selfish , expecting you to settle for less than you deserved . It 's no wonder that you went to Daniel for comfort and . . . and for what I wasn 't able to give you . The really sad thing is that I should have known better . I lost Sara because I shut myself off from her and wouldn 't talk about Charlie , wouldn 't let her in . " He paused . " I 'm sorry , Sam . I hope that you can forgive me for being such an ass . " Tears filled Sam 's eyes . She came forward and put her arms around Jack . He accepted the hug even though it hurt that she would never again embrace him with passion . " As for my talk with Hammond , " Jack added , " I knew that he might decide to take one of you off the team once he found out about your relationship , and I didn 't want to see that happen . If it wasn 't for you two , SG - 1 wouldn 't be the great team that it is . And . . . I also knew that neither of you would be happy about having to leave . It 's bad enough that I couldn 't be on SG - 1 any longer . I didn 't want to see it lose one of you , too . " He gave them a tiny smile . " Besides , I need you both on the team so that Teal ' c can keep you out of trouble . " " Don 't say it , Daniel . No more apologies . I admit that I 'm still angry that you slept with Sam before she became my ex - girlfriend , but I can understand how things like that can get out of control . Lord knows that Sam could drive any man to lose control . I experienced that firsthand . " " It 's gonna take me some time to come to terms with you two being together , " Jack continued . " It would probably be best if we didn 't have any get - togethers for a while . But I will get there . " He gave them a smile that was just the tiniest bit sad . " I expect you to give me an invitation to the wedding . " " I doubt it will be all that long before that happens , " Jack concluded . He looked at the clock . " Now , if you will excuse me , there 's a game coming on that I want to see . " " I said before that I wished I 'd never gotten together with Jack , but I don 't wish that now . If he and I had never taken that step , I 'd probably still be wanting him , dreaming of us being together . It took us actually getting together for me to see that it wasn 't meant to be and get over my feelings for him . " She looked into Daniel 's eyes . " And , if Jack and I hadn 't gotten together , there 's a chance that you and I wouldn 't have either , which makes it all worthwhile for me . " Sam thought about it . " I guess a big part of me does want that , the husband , the white picket fence , and the two point five kids . I want to be a mother , to have a family of my own . But I 'm at the age now that , if I 'm going to have children , I can 't wait for much longer before getting started on them . " She looked at Daniel . " What about you ? " " Sha 're and I tried to have a baby , but she lost the pregnancy . We never got another chance . I 've thought about being a father . I 'm not sure how good at it I 'd be , but I 'd like to try . " He gazed into Sam 's eyes . " And I can 't think of a woman other than you that I 'd want to be their mother . " " Yes , you 're right , it is fast . I 'll tell you what . You bring this subject up again in , oh , say , three or four months , and we 'll see what my answer is then . " With a sigh of contentment , Daniel and Sam snuggled together . Soon , they were asleep , their dreams no sweeter than the reality they now had together . 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Here among friends , I am known as Mickey . You will understand why I have left my other name behind . My birth was the product of rape . The last name of my father was given to me as a second middle name by my mother to ensure the rapists name was on my birth certificate so that he would be at least held financially responsible for me . She had finally moved beyond her naivetà © to a wiser place in her life , or so it seemed . I have been determined from the beginning to live in a place void of naivete ' and abuse , a place where the cycle of abuse would end . I think I am finally there . I think that getting there before my 25th birthday is an accomplishment . My version of the cycle begins , as far as I can tell , with my mother 's loss of her father at the age of 9 . To put it simply , she had no father . Being that he died in 1956 , her mother became the sole support of the remainder of the 6 children they had produced together . My mom became a surrogate mother to her siblings and some of her sibling 's children . I tell you this so that you may recognize her lack of a good male role model in her life . She did not know what a marriage or a husband was to be because she had no point of reference . She married her first husband right out of high school and just in time for him to be drafted in to Vietnam . She spent the majority of her marriage living with his family with no husband . He spent the majority being shot at by the Viet Cong . They grew in opposite directions as they grew up over the course of their " marriage " . She was so exasperated with her life and him at the end that she just left . She took nothing but the clothes on her back and left . Not long after , a beautiful man began paying attention to her . She had met him previously , but had not gotten to know him at all because she had been married . Now , with a marriage over , Sonny 's attentions became very flattering . He wooed her . Whenever I ask her about it she shrugs and says with a sigh , " He was beautiful , then . " Eventually they married . I have recently gotten pictures of them in the early days . He was beautiful , she was beautiful , and they were glowing together . I don 't know when exactly things changed . Maybe they didn 't . Maybe he was keeping it all hidden , waiting until he thought she couldn 't get away . I wasn 't even a glimmer yet , so I don 't know . She 's not talking . He was fooling around on her . Pretty ordinary in itself , I agree . Sonny had his own way of doing it though . He would beat her within an inch of her life and leave her lying on the floor in her own blood , excrement , and vomit . Then he would go " whoring around " , to use her phrase for it . When he would return a day or a week or however long later , he would white glove test the house . ( Now I know many of the abused women out there know exactly what that is . For those of you who do not , he would put an immaculately white glove on his hand and run it over random surfaces in the house . If it ever became not immaculate in the course of the test , she failed . ) He would test such areas as the tops of doors and behind furniture . It was an excuse to beat her because inevitably , she would fail the test if he looked hard enough . When she did , the process would repeat . One of the worst stories I have heard about this man , is one that came because of a girl trying to kill me . Her name was Sonny also . Our mothers told us the truth , and she hated me for it . Her father and my mom 's husband had been best friends . They shared everything , including her mom . When the woman became pregnant , she named her daughter after Sonny instead of her boyfriend . At a bar one night , drinking , they got into a fight over the situation , and Sonny killed his " best friend " by stabbing him in the stomach with a broken beer bottle in the alley . She did eventually leave , and hid out for quite a time while she waited for the divorce to go through . In June of 1980 , he found her . They were not divorced yet . He told her in no uncertain terms that she would sleep with him right then , or he would kill her . Based on his past she knew he was telling the truth . After , she ran . She hid on the river , living out of doors until September . Then she realized she must get indoors for the winter . She began working three jobs , one of which was at the drive in theater . One of her favorite foods has always been ( and still is ) popcorn , but every night when she smelled it she became violently ill . She went to a doctor thinking she had a virus . He laughed at her and said , " No my dear . You are pregnant . About three or four months pregnant actually . " She knew when , where , and who got her pregnant immediately . I was born in March of 1981 . Sonny was somehow allowed to be in my life , though I don 't remember it . The only pleasant story I have been told about this time is one of him bouncing me up and down on his shoulders . My mom warned him that I had just been fed , but he persisted like any father playing with his child . I apparently puked right on his head . My mom still laughs when she tells that one . But , it 's the only one . On May 20 , 1982 my father shot my mother with a . 22 rifle . He came to her home with the gun to confront her brother about something or other . When she told him to leave , he fired at her brother , hitting her in the right side . My cousin who was there that day says when she saw my mom on the floor . It looked as if she was held together in the middle by a little strip of skin on the left side . It was not the only shot he fired , though it was the only one to hit a person . As the bullets flew , the one year old that I was , walked to see what the flying things were . My grandmother grabbed me by the scruff of my onesie just as the bullets came through the door where I was standing . Sonny left . My Uncle had to drive my mom to the hospital in his truck . To do so , he had to drive right past the house of Sonny 's other children . Sonny was parked in the driveway . He pulled the gun from the truck to fire at them again . When he did , the gun went off , taking his head with it . My mom 's heart eventually stopped when she had only one pint of blood left . They used defibrillators to shock her back to life . That was the end of that chapter of the cycle . When I was older , but still very young , my mom went to school . I would stay with my grandmother who was probably too old to be caring for me , least wise me and two cousins . On top of that , one of the cousins was severely mentally handicapped . The other was his sister . She was a preteen before I started Kindergarten . I wanted to be her when I got older . Not like her but actually her . She was the only role model for growing up that I had at the time . One day while grandma was asleep and we were alone , my cousin and I were playing . She left the room and came back with out a shirt . It was the first time I had seen someone other than my mother or grandmother in their bra . From there I honestly do not remember all of what happened . I remember small snip - its of time , specific events . I do not remember exactly how she began touching me or how persuaded me to touch her . I remember many of the times it was structured as a sexual lesson . She would lie in the bed with me and say , " Now when you find a man you want to do these things with , he will lie next to you like this , ( on her side ) and you will lie facing him . He will put his leg between yours " , and so on . Those are my most vivid images . I know that she touched me everywhere two intimate adults touch each other and I know there was what we would call " making out " if it were between to consenting individuals . I also remember her telling me that we could not tell anyone least they think we were gay . She told me we would be in trouble , she would be sent away to Boys and Girls Town , and god only knew what they would do to me . She also said that there was nothing wrong with it , she was teaching me what I needed to know as she had been taught , but the adults wouldn 't understand . Of course , I know now that these statements were her way of protecting herself . At some point , it seems like years went by , my mom took me to buy a new dress . I was sitting in the dressing room in nothing but my underwear when my mom brought me more to try on . That is one moment I will never forget . She was talking to me one minute and the next , she dropped all the clothes and hysterically said " Who did this to you ? " I was entirely oblivious as she shook me and questioned me . I eventually realized what had happened . I was sitting cross legged when she had entered . I was having discharge from the abuse and it was showing through my underwear . She questioned me tirelessly all the way home , both of us crying . I kept lying . Finally I broke by asking , " You promise me you won 't kill her ? " I will never forget my mother 's face at that one word : her . She had always warned me against the evils of men . I know now that she is a bitter man hater , though I cannot say that I blame her . The thought of a woman doing such a thing to a child had never occurred to her warped , injured and yet still naive mind . I remember also that night of confrontation . The tears , The denials , The fear . I wondered for many years why she didn 't kill my cousin or at least do something . As much as I was afraid of what my mother would do to her , I wanted her to do something . I think now that she didn 't because she realized my cousin was acting out of her own abuse . And so ended another chapter . From the time my mom had been shot , her first husband had been coming around offering help . They dated for a while and he eventually started living with us on the weekend . He would stay at his home during the week to make his commute to work just a little easier . He was the best thing in my life for many years other than my mom . He was my friend . He was Big Lug , and I was Little Lug . He was my best friend , my cheerleader , and my bodyguard . I prayed all the time that he would marry my mom again and be my daddy since I had never had one . It was all I wanted in my little world . Eventually he did and everything changed seemingly over night . It had always been my mom and I against the world . We had little , but it was ours and we worked well together . She would come ask me to do whatever chore it was she wanted me to do . I would say o . k . but I wouldn 't jump right up . I knew if I didn 't get it done by the end of the day , my butt would get blistered . She knew I 'd get it done by the end of the day , when I was done with whatever I was already doing . It was an unspoken thing . It worked for us and I rarely got in trouble . When he married my mom , he quit . He immediately started saying " I don 't give a fuck what your mom said , you do what I say now ! " It didn 't matter if I was minding my own business or if I had already started what my mom had asked of me . He wanted me to do what he wanted me to do , how he wanted me to do it , right then . Then the fighting began . They would yell horrible things at each other , things I never should have been hearing . He would call her a whore ; she would call him a whore - monger . I would beg them to stop and beg them not to divorce . He had adopted me and changed my last name . I had no idea what would happen to me if they divorced . I had no idea what would happen to us . My mother would reassure me and would always tell me how much worse those fights could have been . She would tell me about Sonny and what he would have done . I was young , but I understood how much worse those fights would have been . She would always say , " At least he doesn 't hit . " The first time he and I really got into it , I was in maybe third grade . I was at grandma 's , which was in front of our house , when he got home from work . Mom was on call at the hospital . I went down to the house when he got there to say hi and discuss dinner . Grandma was already cooking dinner for us , so I was going to tell him that I would just eat there . I walked in and immediately asked , " What 's that smell ? " He informed me that it was liver and onions . He also informed me , in no uncertain terms , that it was my dinner . I told him about grandma already cooking , and he said tough shit . You do what I say . I said , no , I always eat with grandma when mom 's on call . He threatened to hit me with the spatula that he was cooking with . I told him he wasn 't my father , he couldn 't tell me what to do , and he couldn 't hit me . Then I left . My mom was furious when she got home the next day . The next incident I remember was the first time we argued about his drug use . It was picture time at school and I had been given one by an older male friend . It was lying on the kitchen table from when I showed it to my mom . He was sitting at the table breaking up pot to roll a joint . He started looking around for something to scrape it up . He picked up my picture of my friend . I knew what the drugs were and that they were wrong . I had told him , in my innocence , that he should quit doing it . I blurted out , " Don 't do that ! " When he yelled that I don 't tell him what the fuck to do , I said , " But now it is ruined ! " I was thinking that I couldn 't have the picture anymore because it had pot on it . He responded by tearing my picture into little pieces . As the years went on it escalated from there , He began calling me names . Nothing I did was good enough . I would bring home a report card from school full of A 's . He wanted to know why they weren 't A + 's . I was lazy . I was dumb . I was fat ( his favorite name for me was garbage gut ) . I heard it every day until I believed it . All of it . The only person who ever told me he was wrong , and did so emphatically , was my best friend , T . J . Still , all my mom would say was " At least he doesn 't hit . " She didn 't count the whippings he gave me . I did . I don 't think she realized what was really happening or how hard he was hitting me . But she would . In high school , my mom taught me real fear and to lie . She was beginning menopause and I was a teenage girl . We fought . Most moms and daughters do when the daughters are that age . We knew that . Apparently he didn 't . We were arguing one day and he lost it . I saw him get up from the table and leave the room before I went into my room and slammed the door . I was laying across my bed on my stomach when he stormed in brandishing his belt . He immediately hit me with it as he shouted at me to get up off the fucking bed . He was hitting me so hard I was bouncing up off the bed . I couldn 't do anything but scream . I eventually bounced and slid my way off the bed and landed between the bed and my night stand . I was stuck . He continued to hit me over and over , screaming at me the whole time . My mom never said a word . The next school day I had gym class . I had to dress out in shorts . One of my good friends asked me what had happened this time . He was a close enough friend that he knew about all the times I had been hit before and all the verbal abuse . I told him the truth ; I didn 't feel I had anything to hide from a friend . He apparently got together with some of my other friends and they decided it had to stop . They called the Division of Family Services Abuse Hotline . By the end of the day I had been poked , prodded , and asked so many questions that I knew the shit was going to hit the fan . I was covered in bloody welts from my waist down . There was no way to hide it . It was obvious to anyone who knew anything about abuse . They came to my mom 's house on her birthday . She told me I had to tell them that I had been caught in the dog run while feeding the Dalmatian . She said if I didn 't they would not only send him away making us loose everything , but that they would take me away from her because of his drug use . I was only about 13 at this point and though I wanted him out of my life , loosing my mom and my home was a huge fear . So I told the lie and they went away . He didn 't . My mom apologized to me for the whole situation . She told me that she didn 't realize that he was " loosing his temper " like that . She assured me that there had been a conversation about it and that he was no longer going to be " disciplining " me . I questioned this and she assured me that this meant he would not hit me again or even touch me . The promise held longer than his temper . The next time he lost his temper was the summer before my junior year . We were going to go to the river , the same one my mom had lived on , for the day . The three of us and my best girl friend piled in our Blazer . It was at least a hundred degrees out that day but he insisted on no air conditioning to save gas . He would burn money on pot but never anything else . The windows were down and he was driving fast as he could with the radio blasting really old country music the whole time . We drove for two hours . When we got to the entrance to our favorite swimming hole , it was closed . Instead of just going somewhere else along the river , he got really pissed off and drove us all the way back home . He and mom alternated between arguing and stony silence the whole trip . Sara and I knew better than to say anything audible . Once we returned home , the fight reached new heights . Mom decided that she was going to take us to the pool so we could still swim . I think it was also to get us out of the house , away from him . As we drove away from the house , the mail woman passed us going towards our home . Mom turned around to go back and get the mail . She backed into the drive way to wait so we could just pull out after the mail came . Before the mail ever got to our house , he was outside being irrational . He was screaming and yelling . He was saying that mom was " racing the engine " on the Blazer trying to " blow it up . " They screamed and yelled back and forth . He took his . 22 pistol that he had with him for snakes at the river and tried to shoot out the tires . When he missed , he got in the Blazer . When she tried to get her keys , ( the key ring had her set to the Blazer , her Camaro , and the house ) he punched her square in the nose . Blood poured down her face as she staggered backwards . He tore out of the driveway headed God knows where . I spent the rest of that summer anywhere but home . I spent as much time as possible at T . J . 's . He and his family knew what had happened and welcomed me with open arms . At first , I stayed away because mom My mom was mad at me when I came back . He had her convinced that he hadn 't hit me , just restrained me while I threw a fit . Years have gone by since then . I 'd like to say that he never touched me again . I 'd also like to say that she left him or that he left her or died . But I cannot say any of those things . I can tell you that the more things change , the more they stay the same . I had spinal fusion for double major curve scoliosis the summer after my junior year to save my life . T . J . spent his 18th birthday in the hospital by my side because of it . I went back to school on time though the doctors told me not to . I spent my senior year at my friend 's houses and T . J . 's parent 's while he was in Navy boot camp . I graduated high school in May of 1999 . I married T . J . in July of the same year and got pregnant on my wedding night even though they told me I should never have children . I moved in with T . J . 's parents while he was gone . I gave birth to Sam 14 days after I turned 19 while T . J . was on an aircraft carrier off the coast of Florida . I was in labor with him for three days because of my back . I did not have a caesarian . T . J . left the Navy by our son 's first Christmas . I went to college entirely on grants and scholarships , some of them because of my back . We lived with his parents for about two years before we could get a place of our own . I graduated from Jefferson College in May of 2003 with my Associate 's Degree in Education and English . I was 1 / 10 of a point from Honors . I chalk it up to working four jobs while maintaining a family . I then received a full scholarship with housing to the University of Missouri - Rolla to get my Bachelor 's Degree in English with Secondary Education Certification . I will also have a minor in Psychology and Philosophy by the time I finish . All of this has happened and more including T . J . and I separating . Things change all the time . But some people never do . Less than six months ago , I took Sam to visit his Nana , my mom while we were in town visiting T . J . 's parents . Her husband lost his temper with me again . I was telling Sam , who is ADHD , yet again to not interrupt people when they are talking . He got up from his recliner with the audacity to tell me not to raise my voice . I told him to back the fuck off . He shoved me and I shoved him off of me . He hit me in the face , busting my lip and I hit him back . He then punched me hard enough in the kidneys to cause my bladder to let go as he shoved me out of his house . I returned to T . J . 's parent 's and changed my clothes before anyone saw me . He caused it , but I was the one embarrassed . When they found out what had happened , my father - in - law called my mom 's and told him in no uncertain terms that if he ever touched someone in his family again , he 'd never get another chance to touch anyone again . Sam rarely goes to see my mom anymore because she says I hit her husband instead of the other way around . She actually told me I wasn 't her daughter at one point . I have given up on getting her to see the truth . She is getting old and has been scared of living alone and in poverty with out someone for a long time now . All I can do is explain to Sam that we love him and that we can 't go there if Papa is there because of what he calls " the big fight . " The cycle stops with him . I pray that my mom outlives her husband so that we can all have a few years without fear and pain . T . J . still tells me emphatically that all the things her husband drilled in my head aren 't true . I do my best to listen . All of the women at www . WomensSelfEsteem . com have done their best to convince me of the same . I try to listen to them too . I still startle and cry at loud noises , but not all of them any more . I still have days where T . J . and everyone I know could insist fabulous things about me all day and I would still not feel good enough . I still have moments where I don 't want to be touched and worry about the little girls my cousin has had since those many years ago . I still have days when I cry because I never got my one wish of a daddy of my own fulfilled . I take my life day by day , hour by hour , and minute by minute . I do my best to walk away when I am angry so that I don 't lose the temper that no one taught me to control . I am on my way to a life of self esteem and feeling good enough . Until then , stopping the cycle has to be good enough . COMMENT : I just read the article The cycle stops here , i was really shocked at some of the details of your story . I am also very inspired by the fact that you seem like you have become a strong , independent woman . Also , you never once deserved all those horible things you went through , some people in this world are just messed up . Its a shame you had to meet so many of them . |
It was summer and school had just let out . Greg was 13 years old and ready for summer to begin . When the bell finally rang he ran out the door screaming with everyone else . He ran over to where his mom 's car was parked and they went home . When they got home Greg 's dad was out in the garage working on the car . Greg walked in the room and Brad was sitting there in just a diaper . Brad has been wearing diapers every since he was 6 years old because of wetting problems . Greg knew Brad wore diapers and had no problem with it . Greg had asked a lot of questions about it and was okay with everything . They sat in Brad 's room , listened to some music , and played video games . As they played the games and listened to the music Brad sat there in his wet diaper . Greg kept looking at his diaper . He couldn 't help himself . He thought it was so cool that Brad got to wear diapers . " Well , if you think it 's so cool . " Brad said , looking at Greg . " Why don 't you put one on and see how cool it really is . " Brad went to the bathroom and got Greg one of his diapers . He went back to his room and Greg laid on the bed and took off all his clothes . They were used to seeing each other naked since they had Phys . Ed . together . Greg put the diaper on and stood back up . He felt really good having the diaper on . When they were all finished with dinner they went in the living room and sat down to watch some TV . When they sat down Carol noticed that Brad 's diaper was wet . She went into the bathroom and got a clean diaper for Brad and then came back downstairs . When she came back Brad was lying in the middle of the living room floor . Carol came over and got down on her knees in front of him . She undid the tapes on his diaper and took the wet diaper off . She took a wet wipe , cleaned Brad off , then slid the dry diaper under him and fastened it up . After he was diapered Carol went upstairs to do some work on her computer . The boys sat and watched TV for awhile . Greg just sat there for awhile and pondered the thought of wetting the diaper . After about 15 minutes Greg finally wet the diaper . When Brad noticed he had wet his diaper he looked at him and smiled . Greg smiled back and they sat there in their diapers watching TV . After about 20 minutes of being in a wet diaper Carol came back downstairs to get a drink and went over to check Brad 's diaper . Brad had wet it again . She then went over to where Greg was sitting and saw that he had a wet diaper on too . She went back into the bathroom and came back with two dry diapers . She changed Brad first and when he was all dry diaper she looked at Greg . Greg looked a little nervous but went over and laid down on the floor in front of her . She unfastened the tapes on his diapers and took it off . She took a wipe , cleaned him all up , then put the dry diaper on Greg and stood him back up . They went back to watching TV for awhile . After about 2 more hours of watching TV Carol told the boys the had to start getting ready for bed . They went up to Brad 's room and started getting ready for bed . Carol came in and changed them both again . After she had them both changed she went over to the dresser and got into the top drawer , grabbing Brad 's footed sleepers . They weren 't heavy so he wouldn 't get hot . She went over to the bed where Brad was still laying put the sleeper on him . Then she looked at Greg . She went back over to the dresser and grabbed another footed sleeper . The sleeper had Rugrats on it which is Brad 's favorite cartoon which Greg liked too . She went over to the bed , laid Greg down , and put the sleeper on him . She brought in a cot for Greg to sleep on and it had Rugrats sheets and blankets on it . Just as she started to walk out the door she reached in the top drawer and got out a pacifier . She walked over to Brad and stuck it in his mouth . She looked at Greg figuring he would want one too . She walked back over to the dresser , got him one , and stuck it in his mouth . Carol came in when she heard them talking , carrying two diapers in her hands . She went over to Brad 's bed , took off his sleeper , and threw it on the bed beside him . He laid down and she took off his wet diaper and put a nice dry one on him . She then walked over to Greg and took off his wet diaper and cleaned him up . When she went to put the dry diaper back on him he stopped her . When he got home he walked in the door and to his surprise no one home . He thought they had all left to go shopping with out him . He went in all the rooms and there was no one home . He then looked in the garage and the car was gone , too . He went in the living room , took off all his clothes , and ran around the house in just his diaper . He sat on the couch and started watching TV . As he watched TV he laid down and fell asleep wearing only a diaper . As he slept his family came home to find him lying on the couch wearing just a diaper . They all headed for the store with Steve driving . As they drove Greg wet his diaper . He didn 't really know what he was going to do but he wet it anyway . That made him even happier . When they arrived at the store Greg got out , put Joey in the stroller , and they went into the store . As he walked his mom noticed the bulge between his legs looked a bit bigger . When they got in the store they went immediately went to the adult diaper aisle and picked up a bag of Attends and went to check them out . After they paid for them Greg and Pam went out to the car and Steve and Joey stayed in the store . When they got to the car Pam told Greg to get into the back seat and lay down . He got in the back seat and laid down . Pam stood outside the car and leaned in , pulling off his pants and taking off the wet diaper . She opened the bag of fresh diapers and took out a dry one , placing it under Greg 's butt . Greg began to form an erection and became extremely embarrassed as his mom fastened the tapes . After about 2 hours of shopping for clothes they were finally done and ready to go home for the day . By the time they got home Greg and Joey both had a wet diaper on . Pam took Joey in the nursery and changed his wet diaper . While Joey was getting his diaper changed Steve took Greg to his room and changed his diaper . When he got there he went straight up to Brad 's room where he was sitting in just a diaper listening to music . Greg told him all about what happened today and Brad was amazed . Greg took off his pants and shirt so they were now both in just a diaper and Greg told Brad everything that happened including how his mom and dad both changed his wet diaper . " Well , ask them and see what they say . " Brad said . " You never know , they 'll probably buy you them . If they 're okay with your diapers then they shouldn 't have any problem with you wanting a bottle and a pacifier . " When they go to the pharmacy they both went in . They went straight to the adult diaper and Brad picked up two bags of Attends . They thought it was really cool so they walked around the store for awhile carrying the diapers so everyone could see them . Just about every aisle they went down someone gave them a stare . Brad and Greg just chuckled and walked right by . They were having a lot of fun walking around carrying diapers . Tom piled Greg and Brad 's bikes into his car and drove them back over to Brad 's house . When they got back Carol was sitting on the couch watching TV . They introduced Tyler and then went up to Brad 's room and started playing video games , sitting in just their diapers . Tyler thought it was really cool to be hanging out with these two guys in just a diaper . When morning rolled around the boys woke up and went downstairs in there wet diapers and sat down in front of the TV and watched cartoons , waiting for Carol to finish cooking breakfast . She cooked them eggs , bacon and toast and made them all a nice bottle of milk . She called them into the kitchen and told them that breakfast was ready . When they went into the kitchen they were amazed to see the bottles of milk on the table . Brad was even amazed because his mom had never done this before . As they sat there the boys drank the milk and ate their breakfast . As ate Carol told them the idea she had come up with and they all loved it . Tyler called his dad and Greg called his mom and they both said it was alright if they stayed there all weekend . After breakfast was over they all went back into the living room and watched Rugrats as Carol cleaned up the kitchen . After she had the kitchen all cleaned up she went upstairs and got fresh diapers for all of them and some clean baby clothes . She then came back downstairs with all the supplies in hand and was ready to start a weekend of fun . She first started with her own baby . She laid him down , changed his wet diaper , and put a onesie on him . Then it was Greg 's turn . He had been diapered by her before so it was nothing for him . She changed him and put one of Brad 's new onesie 's on him . But when Tyler 's turn came he wasn 't so sure . He had never had his diaper changed by anyone before besides his dad . But if he wanted to stay for the weekend he was going to have to let her change him . He didn 't say anything and let her change his wet diaper and put another of Brad 's new onesie 's on him . When Carol first told them about the weekend she told them that no matter what , they could only be in a diaper and that they couldn 't use the bathroom . She also told them that they had to be dressed as babies to a certain extent . She told them that no matter where they were or where they went they had to be changed by her no matter what . As they drove to the store Tyler had a strong urge to poop . He knew that he had too if he was going to play baby all weekend and knew that he couldn 't use the bathroom so he was going to have to poop his diaper . As the urge grew stronger he let it come . As he pooped his diaper a strong aroma filled the car and the boys just looked at one another and smiled . Carol looked backed at them threw the rear view mirror and smiled , too . So now Tyler had a poopy diaper on and was starting to enjoy it . As they neared the store Brad wet his diaper . She first was going to changed Tyler cause he was poopy and he might take longer . So she took Brad out of the car and made him hold Greg 's hand as she changed Tyler . She laid Tyler on the back seat and took off the onesie . She then untaped the poopy diaper and took it down , wiping him up with the clean spots of the diaper . She then got out some baby wipes and cleaned him up as good and she could . Since he was sitting when he pooped he squished it all around and it was all over in his pubic hair and Carol couldn 't get it out with the wet wipes so she left it go for now and put a nice clean diaper on him and put the onesie back on . After she was done with Tyler she made him go out and hold Greg 's hand and she brought Brad into the car and began changing his diaper . As she pulled off Brads diaper 3 teenage girls walked by the car and saw Greg and Tyler holding hands in their shorts and onesies and gave them an awwwwww sound . Tyler and Greg blushed as the girls walked away . Carol changed Brad 's diaper and they were off to do some shopping . As they walked into the store they were all holding hands as Brad held his mom 's hand . Just as they were walking in the store Greg wet his diaper . He didn 't say anything because he liked the feeling of a wet diaper between his legs . When they got in the store Carol got a cart and made all three of them hang onto the cart as they walked around the store . They all felt so babyish and really loved it . As they did their shopping they made a stop in the baby aisle and Carol bought some more bottles and pacifiers for all of them and some other odds and end baby items . Just as they were ready to leave this store Carol took them to the toy aisle and let them all pick out any toy they wanted . After they got their toy they went to the check out and paid for the stuff . As they stood in line waiting to pay the 3 girls came by again and gave them another awwww as they laughed and walked away . The boys just blushed and watched them walk away . They paid for the stuff and were off to the mall to get a few more things . As they drove to the mall Greg wet his diaper again and so did Brad and Tyler . When they got to the mall Carol came to the back of the car and felt there diapers as she unfastened there seat belts . She felt that they all were wet and was going to give them the thrill of their lives this time when she changed them . They walked into the mall holding hands and Carol carrying the backpack filled with diapers and dry clothes . They walked over to the nearest resting area where there were 5 people resting from a long day at the mall . Carol walked over and sat the 3 boys down on the bench . She sat the bag down beside Brad and then took Greg by the hand . She helped him lay on the floor . When he got down she pulled his shorts off and unbuttoned his onesie , unfastening his diaper , and changed him right there in front of everyone . They all tried not to stare but they couldn 't help it . They all just giggled and went about there business . She diapered Greg back up and then proceeded to Brad and then Tyler right in front of everyone as well . After they were all changed they went about there business and went shopping in the mall . They went in and out of many stores and nobody could even tell they were diapered or even had a onesie on . As they walked out of one store tow of the people that were there while they were getting changed walked by and laughed at them as they walked by but the boys thought nothing of it and went about their business . When they got all done at the mall they went back and got in the car and enjoyed the ride home . They all three wet their diapers again with Brad adding poop to his as they rode home . When they got home Carol told them they had to all get a bath and that she would bathe them all one at a time if they wished . They said they would rather and so she did . Because Tyler had pooped his diaper before , she took him into the bathroom first . Brad and Greg went into Brads room and played with their new toys . When Carol got Tyler into the bathroom she laid him down onto the floor and took off his shorts and undid his onesie and pulled it off over his head . She then undid his wet diaper and laid it aside . Since Tyler was just thirteen he just a little pubic hair and it was full of poop from when he pooped his diaper . Carol put him into the tub and bathed him , washing his whole body and his hair . She then began washing his pubic area . Tyler got an erection while Carol washed him . Carol didn 't mind cause she knew it was going to happen and it wasn 't the first time she had seen an erection before anyway . Since he didn 't have much hair to start with it was all gone in no time . Carol washed his pubic area again and he was all done . She got him out of the tub , dried him off , and put a fresh dry diaper on him and sent him to play with Brad . Next it was Greg 's turn to have a bath . She undressed him and laid him on the floor and taking off his wet diaper . She put him into the tub and bathed him all up and washed his hair . Then she proceeded to ask Greg the same question she had asked Tyler on whether she could shave his pubic hair . Greg hesitated at first but decided for the same reason Tyler did that she could go ahead and do it . So in no time at all Greg 's pubic hair was gone as well . She didn 't tell him that she shaved Tyler . She figured they would figure that out themselves . After his bath she dried him , put him in a fresh dry diaper , and sent him off to Brads room to play . When it came Brads turn he wasn 't so embarrassed because his mom has always given him a bath every since he was born . Brad really liked it and it made him feel even more babyish when his mom bathed him . She put him in the tub and washed him all up as usual . But this time was a little different . Brad like the other 2 boys , was a teenage boy , just starting puberty and had little pubic hair on his penis . Carol lathered his pubic area with shaving cream and started to shave him . And like the other two boys Brad got an erection which made him a little uncomfortable in front of his mom but Carol didn 't mind and paid no mind to it and went on shaving him . After he was all shaved , Carol got him out of the tub , dried him off , put him in a fresh diaper , and then into a nice clean onesie . After they all had their baths they went back into Brad 's room and played together until dinner was ready . They played with their trucks and were having a great time playing when Carol came back up and told them dinner was ready . She took them downstairs where they were surprised to find three highchairs with a bib on each chair . Carol sat Brad and Tyler down on the floor and took Greg over to his chair where he was told to stand there as she took the tray off . She took the tray off and lifted Greg into the chair and put the tray back into place . She then put his bib on him and told him to sit there and be patient . She then went and got Tyler and Brad and put them in their chairs and put there bibs on as well . Then she brought them their food . Since they were acting like babies Carol gave them baby forks and spoons so they wouldn 't hurt themselves . The boys were having a hard time eating with the small forks and got most of the food on themselves and not in their mouths . After they were finished they looked like a complete mess . Carol washed them up , got them out of there chairs , and sat them down in front of the TV so they could watch Rugrats before it was time for bed . After Rugrats was over Carol took them by the hands and led them back upstairs where she changed all of their diapers and put them into the brand new sleepers she had bought . Since she didn 't have a crib , the boys would half to sleep in big boy beds but they were told they were not allowed to get out of bed in the morning until she came in to get them . She put them all into there beds and read them a goodnight story , turned on the night light , and partially closed the door as she turned off the lights . She went back downstairs as the boys slept and began thinking about some more stuff she could do with the boys this weekend . As she sat there , she decided she was going to take the boys to the zoo tomorrow . She decided she might need some help caring for the boys at the zoo so she called Greg 's mom . " I 'm planning on taking the boys to the zoo tomorrow and was wondering if you would be interesting in helping me out . " Carol said . " I certainly will . " Said Pam . She woke up at 7am and started getting ready for the day . She went down to the kitchen and started fixing the boys some breakfast . As she was getting their breakfast ready she went and got the boys out of bed . She changed all of their diapers and got them all dressed . As she was getting them ready for the day she told them about her idea to take them to the zoo . They all thought it was a great idea and were all very excited about it . She then told them that Greg 's mom had agreed to come along and help her out when they went to the zoo . They then went downstairs , ate breakfast , and watched some cartoons . After they were done they all got cleaned up and sat and watched cartoons as they waited for Greg 's mom to arrive . When Greg 's mom finally arrived she was amazed to find all the boys sitting there in their onesies watching TV . Carol talked with Pam and told her what they had been up to all weekend . After they talked a bit they got the boys ready , got them into the car , and were off to the zoo . They went into the zoo and Carol went and rented two wagons . They put the boys in the wagons and were off to see the zoo . They were looking at the animals and all the stuff the zoo had to offer and were having a great time . The boys were having fun riding around the zoo in there diapers and onesies and looking at all of the animals . They were wetting there diapers and didn 't have a care in the world . She laid him down and felt the front of his diaper and felt that it was really wet . Then she checked Tyler and Greg and they were both wet as well . Pam came back with the drinks . They went and found a bathroom . Pam stayed with the boys as Carol took them in and changed each of their diapers . She started with Brad . She took him into the girls bathroom and there were a lot of ladies in there . She got into the diaper bag , got out the changing pad , and laid it on the floor laying Brad down on the pad . She unsnapped his onesie and then unfastened his diaper . She took it off and Brad lay there naked . As he lay there naked a bunch of ladies were staring and Brad started to get excited . Carol paid no attention to it and went on with the diapering . She wiped his butt and penis with a wet wipe and put a dry diaper under him and put lots of powder on . She fastened up the diaper and fastened up his onesie and they were done . They went out of the bathroom and back over to where Pam was with the other boys . Pam took Greg by the hand and took him into the bathroom . She got changing pad out of the diaper bag and laid it out on the floor . She grabbed Greg by the hand and laid him down on the pad . She thought it was a little weird but if her son didn 't mind , it was ok with her . She went on with the changing as a bunch of ladies gathered around to watch the boy get changed . Pam changed him and clothed him and they went back outside . Then carol took Tyler into the bathroom and changed him the same way she had changed Brad . After they all had their diapers changed they went on and saw the rest of the zoo and had a wonderful time . They stayed till the zoo closed and then headed home . As they were driving home Pam and Carol were in the front seat and the boys were in the back seat playing . Pam and Carol were talking and trying to think about what they could do tomorrow to finish out the weekend . Carol and Pam stayed up a while longer talking about how their boy 's liked to wear diapers and how they both were ok with the whole idea . They talked a bit and tried to come up with some new ideas on where they could take the boy 's . They stayed up till 10pm talking and then headed off to bed . Carol and Pam woke up at 7am and started to get ready for the day ahead of them . They packed their lunch and packed the cooler with pop . Then they went out to the garage and got some beach toys for the boys to play with . At eight o ' clock they went up , woke the boy 's up , and told them it was time to get ready to go to the beach . Brad and Greg both had wet diapers on but Tyler didn 't . Greg had went to bed with a wet diaper on so that 's why his was wet when he woke up . Pam took Greg into the other room and changed his diaper while Carol changed Brad in his room . They got the boy 's dressed and got them into the car . They drove the short 5min drive to the ocean where there was a nice beautiful beach where they could have lots of fun . When they got to the beach there weren 't many people there cause it was still kinda early . The boy 's were wearing nothing but disposable diapers and thought it was so cool . They got out of the car and ran down to the water . There were a couple other people down there but they just ignored the boys . They ran and jumped in the water with just their diapers on and the diapers filled with water and became very thick and heavy . They all loved it . They played in the water and on the beach and built a sand castle all before lunch . Around noon Carol went down and got the boys and told them it was time to come and get some lunch . They all went up and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and had lot 's of water to drink with their lunch . After they were all done eating the boys headed back down to the water . Greg dove into the waves and lost his diaper . He found it floating next to him when he came up . He grabbed it and put it back on while Tyler and Brad laughed . They swam around in the ocean under the hot summer sun for another hour before Carol and Pam told them it was time to come out for a break . While they were in the water playing a lot more people showed up and the beach was now packed . The boys ran out of the water , sporting their soggy diapers . A lot of people were pointing and whispering and the boys figured they were talking about them but didn 't care cause they were having a good time and that 's all they cared about . Pam and Greg paid them no attention and continued on their way to the bathroom . Pam led Greg into the ladies bathroom laid him down on the cold concrete floor . She forgot the changing pad and didn 't want to go back and get it . There were a lot of ladies in there and they all began to stare as Pam started to change Greg . Pam looked up and smiled and then went back about her business . She pulled the diaper out from under Greg . She forgot to bring the wipes but wanted to rinse all of the sand off of his body before she put the new diaper on . She grabbed his hand and pulled him off the floor . She picked up the wet diaper , rolled it up , and threw it in the garbage . She led Greg to the back of the bathroom where there were showers . Greg felt embarrassed as he walked through the ladies bathroom naked . Most of the ladies weren 't paying any attention to them though . As soon as she was satisfied that all of the sand was off , she led him out of the shower and laid him back down on the floor . There wasn 't anybody around in the back so Greg didn 't feel as embarrassed . Pam lifted both of Greg 's feet high in the air , sliding the dry diaper under his butt . When she had the diaper in the right position she spread powder on his penis , then lifted his legs back up and spread powder on his butt . She fastened the tapes and then lifted Greg back to his feet . They headed out of the bathroom with Greg wearing only his diaper and went back to the beach . When they got back to the beach Carol was sitting there with the boys as they built a sand castle . Carol went over and took Tyler by the hand and led him off to the bathroom so she could change his diaper . Greg went over and started to help Brad build the sand castle . They had buckets and shovels and were scooping sand into the buckets and turning them over to make the castle . Greg dipped one of the buckets in the sand and brought up a full bucket of sand . He poured some of the water from one of the other buckets into his bucket of sand to compact it . Then he turned the bucket upside down and shook out the sand making a nice wall for the castle . As they were building their castle a boy , who looked older then Greg and Brad , came over and sat down next to them . Greg and Brad looked at one another wondering if they should tell him the real reason or not . As they looked at each other , Alex bent over to get a bucket full of sand and they saw a diaper sticking out the top of his shorts . Greg and Brad smiled at one another when they saw the diaper . " They don 't mind , but wish I didn 't have to wear them . " Said Alex . " They think it 's to much of a hassle and to expensive . " Alex pulled his shirt off , looking around to see if anyone was watching . No one was looking at them so he unbuttoned his shorts . He looked around some more , checking that no one was watching him , while the boys looked on . When she had all the sand off him , Pam took Alex out of the shower and dried him off real good . She laid the towel down on the floor and laid Alex down on it . Alex was feeling very good and felt just like a little baby . He began kicking his legs in the air and smiling at Pam as she started to diaper him . She lifted his legs in the air , sliding the diaper under his butt . While she still had his legs in the air she grabbed the powder and powdered his butt . She set his legs down and powdered his penis . She started to fasten the tapes and was just about done when a lady walked in the back room . " No , no , no not at all " said Carol . " In fact my boys were wearing diapers as well which is why they noticed Alex . " Sue didn 't know what to say . " I know . " Said Sue , placing her hand on her forehead . " He 's confronted me several times about this , but I keep telling him it 'll pass . " " Not at all . " Carol replied . " In fact it 'll probably help him from getting into drugs and all the bad stuff that 's out there for kids today . " " I guess you 're right . " Said Sue . " I guess there 's no harm in him wearing diapers , and as long as he 's not getting hurt or hurting anyone else then I don 't see why he shouldn 't enjoy himself . " When they got down to the basement it had been totally redone . The walls were painted yellow with blue and red letter and number decals stuck on them . There was new baby blue wall - to - wall carpeting on the floor and two white ceiling fans spinning from the ceiling . There was a small round table sitting in the middle of the floor and four high chairs lined up against the wall , and over in the corner was the crib , half put together . Steve carried the playpen over to the opposite side of the room from the crib and opened the box . He slid the playpen out and since it was all assembled , he just set it up and set it in the corner . When he got it all set up , he adjusted the two lights that were right above it so they were shining right down on the playpen , making the rest of the corner look dark except for the light on the playpen . Carol and Pam sat down at the round table and started to put together a list of supplies they needed . They decided they needed juice and baby food for the boys , and also decided they would order pizza and pop for the adults on the day of the party . After they were done making their list , Pam and Steve went back to setting up the crib and Carol headed back out to do some more shopping . While Pam , Carol and Steve were setting up the party , the boys were over at Tyler 's house in the care of Tom . Tom knew about the party and told Carol he would watch after them while they set the party up . The boys were up in Tyler 's room watching a movie in their diapers not having a care in the world . As they watched the movie Tom peeked in the door to see how they were doing . Greg and Brad were laying on the bed , and Tyler and Alex were laying on bean bag chairs on the floor . Tom quietly walked in the room , stopping to see what movie they were watching . They were watching a movie that really wasn 't made for babies , but Tom thought they had to have their adult time too so he didn 't say anything . Tom walked over to where Tyler was sitting on the bean bag chair and reached down to feel his diaper . He was dry , so he moved to Alex whose diaper was soaked . Next , he moved to Brad and Greg who both had dry diapers on too . Tom walked back over to Alex and grabbed his hand and led him out of the room . When the other boys saw him leave they paused the movie and waited for him to return . Alex began to get nervous again because he had never been changed by a guy before . When he got changed by Pam he thought that was cool cause she was a lady . But now Tom was going to change him and he thought that was a bit weird . When he got the tapes all unfastened , Tom lifted Alex by the legs and slid the diaper out from under him . When he sat him back down Tom saw Alex 's erection but paid no attention to it and went about getting Alex changed . He grabbed a wet wipe out of the bucket and wiped Alex 's penis , lifting his legs again to wipe his butt . He grabbed a dry diaper out of the bag and slid it under Alex 's butt , and powered him all up , pulling the diaper up and fastening it . He pulled Alex off the bed and led him back to Tyler 's room where they went back to watching the movie . Just as the movie was ending Carol came by to pick Greg , Alex and Brad up to take them home . Brad and Greg were playing in the balls . They were running around and playing with all the little kids in there and having a good time when Greg suddenly felt the urge to poop . Brad was sitting right next to him and heard Greg let out a little fart . He looked over at Greg and smiled as Greg let a warm load into his diaper . It began to stink after a couple minutes but neither one of them cared . All of the other kids were making sounds and pointing at Greg and calling him names but he didn 't care . Greg was enjoying the load in his diaper . As he ran around and jumped in the balls the poop was getting all squished around . Just then Pam came over to get them and told them it was time for lunch . When they climbed out of the balls Pam noticed a strong smell coming from Greg . She reached down and felt his butt and felt the load in his diaper . Greg just looked at her and smiled as Pam led him back over to the table . Pam wanted Greg to eat before he got his diaper changed in case he had to go poop again . She led him over to the table and sat him down next to the rest of the boys . They could all smell the load in his diaper but none of them cared and went on about eating their lunch . Pam laid out the changing pad on the floor as the mother with the boy looked over at them . Pam took Greg by the hand and helped him sit down on the floor . Greg sat down hard on the floor , making sure the load in his diaper got squished around some more . Pam laid him down , pulling his shorts down to his ankles . Greg had a good view of the mom and kid over at the changing table and they were both staring at him with wide eyes as Pam started to change his diaper . She unbuttoned the onsie and was starting to unfasten the tapes when the mom walked over , leaving her child on the changing table . Pam wiped up the poop with the clean spots on the diaper and then got out some wet wipes and cleaned him up some more . Greg 's butt was real messy from squishing the poop around so much . Pam had a hard time cleaning it up but finally managed to get it all cleaned up . She pulled a clean diaper out of the diaper bag , as the lady was still standing over her shoulder watching what she was doing . She lifted Greg 's legs in the air , slid the diaper under , powdered him , and fastened up the tapes . Pam stood up lifting Greg to his feet . He looked over at the boy laying on the changing table as he stood there with his diaper showing . The boy smiled at him as Pam began fastening his onesie and pulling up his shorts . When they arrived back at Carol 's house , Carol was down in the basement with Steve , Sue , and Alex 's dad . Pam and Tom took the boys inside . They told them that Brad 's birthday present was down in the basement and that they were suppose to go down there right away to see it . The boys walked in the house and down to the basement , with Pam and Tom following close behind . When they got down there , all of the lights were off . Brad turned on the light switch . They stood in shock at what they were seeing . They looked around the room and saw the crib in one corner and the playpen in the other . There was also a rug over in another corner with blocks and trucks and other toys laying on it , and four high chairs lined up against the wall . Brad opened the present and it was a brand new onesie . Carol helped him out of his clothes and put the onesie on him . There was also a onesie laying on each of the high chairs and each of the boys parents helped them put them on . When they got to the crib , the side was down . They climbed in and Steve came over and put the side up for them . As they sat in the crib they both felt more like babies then they had ever felt before . They laid down amazed at the fact they could both fit in there and be comfortable . After a few minutes of laying down they got up and started playing patty cake . Carol came over and took their picture . Tyler unbuttoned the buttons on his onesie as he climbed into the playpen . He enjoyed being able to see his diaper . When he got in the playpen there were two teddy bears and a soft truck . He picked up the bears and hugged them both . He set them aside and then picked up the truck , making truck sounds as he drove it around the air . She grabbed Brad 's hand and helped him to his feet . She led him over to the high chairs . Each chair had the boys names painted on the back . She put Brad in his chair and slid the tray back on . Pam , Tom , and Sue , took their boys and got them all settled into their chairs as well . Just then the pizza arrived and Steve went up to get it . When the boys smelled the pizza they got excited . Steve brought the pizza over and sat it on the table as the boys looked on . Carol put a bib on Brad and then went upstairs to get their food . When she returned , Greg , Alex and Tyler all had their bibs on as well . She was carrying twelve jars of all different kinds of baby food . She set three jars on each high chair and set a spoon down with each jar . Carol sat down next to Brad , opening a jar of string peas . Peas were his favorite vegetable which is why she bought them . She dipped the spoon in the peas and brought out a big spoonful . After she finished with the peas Carol opened the jar of carrots . She turned around to grab a piece of pizza and Brad picked up the jar . He lifted the jar in the air and began swinging it around . Just as Carol turned around he turned the jar upside down and dumped the carrots on his head . Pam and Carol both got up get something to drink . Pam sat her piece of pizza down on the table within reach of Greg . He picked up the piece of pizza , took a bite and then smooched it in Brad 's face . Brad didn 't take to kindly to that and took the piece of pizza and smooched it around on Greg 's head . There was one candle on the cake . Carol lit the candle and lifted the cake up and sat down on Brad 's high chair . They all started singing happy birthday and before they could finish Brad slammed his hands down in the cake , pulling his hands out and rubbing them on Greg 's face and in his hair . They finished singing and Carol served up what was left of the cake . Steve pulled the crib over to the middle of the room and let down the side . He let Brad out of his high chair and then set him up in the crib . Sue pulled the play rug over to the center of the room and set each of the boys down on it to watch Brad open his presents . He started opening the presents throwing the paper all over the room . He got a Tonka dump truck , two different teddy bears , some Legos , clothes , and a nice pair of booties . But his favorite present was one that he got from his mom . She gave him a hand made blanket with a picture of Tommy Pickles on it , from Rugrats . When Brad opened that present he jumped off the crib and gave his mom a huge hug and kiss and then wrapped himself up in the blanket . Adult Diaper Stories thanks you for your visit . We hope you found a Diaper Story you like . Try using our Google Search Box which will scan 1000 's of Diaper Stories and Abdl Stories in seconds for you . All you need to do is type something in the search box that interests you . Maybe you like the popular Diaper Punishment Stories or Adult Diapers Stories . Do a search for Diaper Girl Stories and you will get too many results . |
Month : May 2016 Shattered Dreams May 31 , 2016June 5 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello and this time we have a piece that falls heavily on a concept that , truthfully , is not entirely mine . Although , I will argue that most concepts are not entirely ours , but it would be a crime not to mention just how inspired I was with this piece from a short film from Wong Fu Productions ( A YouTube channel of Asian - American filmmakers ) called Left On Shing Wong . In essence , it is about an eternal being who collects lost memories and thoughts . Which when reading , would seem pretty similar to what I have here . Apart from this , the central themes are different , where they ask the question of : Where does inspiration come from ? I ask : Do we need to have a goal or dream to live a fulfilled life ? And somewhere along it I ask : Is reality based on our perceptions of our future goals ? Either way , it was a fun little concept of an eternal character that I wanted to explore . Here you go , " Shattered Dreams " . I collect shattered dreams . In my room , I hold a jar where every shattered dream I find in the world is stored . Every day , I walk out of my door and into a street in the world . I walk down the trodden path , and when I see that a dream has been lost I collect it so that it won 't be forgotten . One day , those who have had their dreams shattered and dropped into the world , will remember them . They may choose to relive their dreams again , hoping that one day they may achieve something great . Or they 'll just take their shattered dreams and live a life knowing that their dreams had not come to fruition . Dreams come in many shapes . Sometimes they are very easy to spot . And once I do , they 're mine to hold . I know that many dreams are lost between my fingers , and many dreams remain trotting around in the arid world for anyone to take . For those dreams , I pray , and I hope that they are where they belong . But for other dreams , I hold them dear in my jar , waiting for their owner to pick them up . On odd days , I can interact with those in the world of the living . I usually cannot be seen by people , or heard , or felt . I collect dreams in my own world , and I hold onto them because I want to . I don 't expect any kind of appreciation for holding onto their shattered dreams , but sometimes , it happens . " Hey ? " Jordy asked . Jordy noticed me picking up odds and ends on the side walk and approached me . Today was an odd day . Jordy had light cinnamon hair , and hazelnut eyes . She had tanned smooth skin and soft cheeks . She had small hands and long fingers . Her nails were subtle . " Hello , " I responded . She wasn 't carrying anything , and just simply came up to me . I had a jar in my left hand , and a marble in my right . It was a shattered dream . It was the dream of a little girl who wanted to go on the moon . Except , the moon was very far away , and the stars were in her way . She was a tiny girl with a big heart , and wanted everything to get a picture of the moon for her dying father , so that he would be able to live his dreams . " You seem to be lost . New here ? " Jordy asked . I wasn 't . And I was . I 've been to every place in the world , and yet , every time I step out of my door , it 's always somewhere I have no recollection of . I shook my head and showed her my jar . " I 'm collecting odds and ends . " I pressed the marble against my fingers and brought it up to the sun , watching the rays gleam off of it in an array of beautiful reflections . Then , I placed the marble in my jar , and smiled at her , " What about you ? " She looked at me with wide eyes , her mouth open and then closed . She smiled , " Just finding my way . " " I 'm Jordy . I lived here for about all my life . " I nodded . I had no name , but , did not want to make her feel stringent . " I 'm Summer . I 've been just about everywhere . " She laughed at that , said it was silly and didn 't know what I was saying . Jordy was a bright girl . She loved talking to people , but I wouldn 't call her gregarious . She was just curious . As we walked I picked up discarded dreams along the way . There were many interesting people in this world . Some just wanted a home to themselves . Some just wanted to prove everyone else wrong . And some just wanted everything to end . I 've always felt the pain and suffering of each dream I pick up . And , in eventuality , the heartbreak , and the realization that those dreams have become shattered . " What do you do with your jar ? " Jordy asked . I picked up my jar , and brought it to the sun , and watched as all the strange ornaments glittered in the prevailing rays . " Yeah . Just like that . " We walked among trees , on the grass , and on the pavement . We hopped over construction signs , deep into piles of cinder blocks and bags of cement . We walked into the town , into the alley ways in - between stores , under the bus benches , and on top of stop signs . The sun was beating down against our faces , the wind on our hair , and the scurrying of cats beneath our feet . " How long have you been doing this ? " Jordy asked . I looked at her , watched her eyes as they locked with mines , as her hands stiffened , and as her posture stood stone . " Do you like doing this ? " I never once thought about it in terms of my own volition . I always thought that it was the duty I was born with . To consider my own feelings in such a time was something that never crossed my mind . I found great grief , anger , sadness , and malevolence in these times . And sometimes , I would even find joy . These emotions were ethereal with the shattered dreams that wept them . " How about you ? Are you happy ? " I flipped the question onto Jordy . It wasn 't something I wanted to do , but I had no answer for her . " Happy ? That 's a nice word . It rolls off the tongue , and it 's something everyone wants . " I could see in her down cast eyes , her slowed gait , and her hidden arms that she was anything but . " Yes . " And then , it dropped . Something fell out of her hands . It wasn 't something that she was grabbing onto originally . It was a shattered dream . They fall out of people unknowingly at any time . I had hardly witnessed any myself , but that day was an odd day . The shattering of dreams happens over a prolonged time , permeating itself within one 's heart , and then subjugating their being . Then , when it 's over it leaves the body and is left for the world to chew . I bent over and picked up a small teddy bear the size of my finger . When my hand touched it Jordy was able to see what I saw . She stared at it with raised brows , and I smiled . " You mean , your lost - and - found ? " I nodded . Her expression dropped and her eyes looked blankly in front of us . She looked at me , and held out her hand to touch the fur of the teddy bear . " So what does this say about me ? My lost - and - found ? " I sighed . From the moment my hand touched the shattered dream from Jordy I knew what she had lost . It was something that was none of the emotions that I had ever felt before . Her shattered dream , was filled with selflessness . " It says that you are a very caring person . That you will sacrifice everything in order to see the ones you love move forward . " I smiled . I nodded my head , and then handed her the teddy bear . She turned it in her hands and then asked , " Who are you ? " " So what do you know about me ? " Her eyes were clear , just pure curiosity . The wind swept up , and it blew her hair in her face , causing her to shift strands of it away from her eyes . I didn 't turn to look at her , but cleared my throat and said , " That you love your daughter very much . " I didn 't need to turn around to hear her whimper . I simply kept walking . I didn 't need to take back the teddy bear . It was my job to store them in my jar so that one day their owners would claim them again . However , there were no rules that prevented me from giving them outright . I didn 't know why I did it , but I felt it was more right to let her have her dreams than to take them away from her . It was an odd day . After my day was complete , I went back to my room . I opened the door of a store , and entered . Every day I walk back into my room , and into a world all of my own . I emptied the jar I had into the jar in my room , and watched as the shattered dreams mixed together . One day , these shattered dreams will find themselves back to their owners . They may choose to relive those dreams , or bear the burden of never having achieved them . Some may not realize when this happens , but for others , it happens right in front of them . All in the blink of an eye , everything comes crashing together . An odd day . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailTumblrLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . Broken Bones May 30 , 2016December 24 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello and this time we have something that bends the fabrics of time . Not in the sense of literal space warping , but in the sense that the main character is out of time . And in fact , not very much within a contemporary realm . This much can be cindered out with enough investigation , though that does not constitute much of what this piece is about . This is very much about the contrasting generations as it is about the concept of getting through a disability . Once you have a grasp of the main character and who she represents , It becomes a little clearer what her words represent . It 's not just herself speaking out in helpful counsel , but a mindset of living life to it 's best and not letting the modern stigma affect oneself . In this sense , it 's also about age gap , and the difference of thinking between them . Or it 's about the fragility of life . Here you go , " Broken Bones " . I woke up seeing a world filled with white . My eyes adjusted , and then I turned my head forward , and everything filled around me . I was sitting on a white bed , with a wire leading from my hand into a bag beside me . The bag was empty , and so I took the needle out of my arm . I used all the strength I could muster to sit up . In the corner , was a wide rectangular container with glass seemingly centered into it . To my right , a window with the curtains closed , and beside my bedside was a small tabletop with flowers and a strange rectangular contraption . My body seemed all too fine for me to be sleeping in such a place , but I didn 't deny it . I tried to wrap my head around my circumstances , but ended up drawing on blanks . The more I tried to remember , the more my head began throbbing , like an incipient buzzing had been planted into my brain . I sighed , and then got up from my bed . I walked to the door of my room , and slowly turned the knob , expecting a man in a white suit on the other side waitiI walked to the hallway and looked at the colored lines on the floor and walls . It seemed that this was a built in guide . It saved money , time , and headaches . Though for me , I still had issues with all three . I couldn 't tell north from south , my twelve to six , nor my up from down . I wished I had a compass . Though , even that much wasn 't going to do much . A map might have also been well appreciated . I looked at the lines , and in the hall I was in . Just rows of doors , and a pernicious silence . I trusted my instincts and began walking aimlessly , following no line in particular . Eventually , I made my way to what seemed to be the glass doors to the courtyard . I still hadn 't bumped into anyone yet . No other residents of the hospital , nor staff . Though as I brushed my hand across the walls and opened the glass doors , the thought of it all being a fabrication seemed too implausible . I stepped onto the grass , and breathed in the air . It all felt much too real for me to be still dreaming , or for me to have long since lived . I took more steps , and felt the weight of my body crush the grass beneath me , and the sun above pressing my face with rays of heat . Every so often , small gusts of wind would wrap around my face , and give me a silent enshroud . The aroma of the flowers littered among the courtyard threatened to cajole me into a deep sleep , but I pressed on . I had no reason to , but I kept walking forward in the courtyard , towards the towering trees that seemed to hide something from me . I entered through the trees , and pushed past the branches that clipped my face . It was at this point that I waited for a small search party to jump out of the nearby brushes . It never happened . I walked until I stumbled upon a small clearing . It took my eyes time to adjust again to the new light as I left the trees . In front of me now was a collection of gray slabs jutting out from the earth . I knelt beside the closet one , and looked at the engravings . Couldn 't read a lick . I wasn 't sure whether it was due to the language being apart from my mother tongue , or if I just forgot how to read . Or maybe , I never could read . My mind began buzzing thinking about it , and so I stopped . I went to the next slab , and the next , and the next , and on the fourth , I began to realize that this place wasn 't just for decoration . I felt inclined to dig my hand through the earth , but knew very well that doing so would unearth all kinds of ghastly omens . That much wasn 't something I was prepared for . I got up from the earth , and brushed off the dirt from my white gown . I noticed now that I wore a white gown , and as I looked down , I am reminded of what I am . Not who I am , since my memories were still a charcoal haze , but what I am . I was relatively tall , I think , and my chest slightly strutted out . I brushed my hand behind me , and noticed my hair was flowing behind me , just below my shoulders . It was a nice black . " I thought I saw someone here . " I turned towards the voice . And , to my surprise , the person who uttered that voice , was barely a person . " How about you ? Don 't tell me you 're a ghost . " He pointed towards the slabs in front of me , and I smiled . He smiled back , and I nodded , " Could be . " " If you were , it would explain a lot . " That caught my attention pretty quickly . I tilted my head at him , and I think I gave him a dirty stare . " Relatives ? Or you ? " I shook my head , " Can 't read . " He looked at me with glaring eyes . But , that was all . I didn 't know whether he actually judged me , but he dismissed the thought pretty quickly . " You at least know your name ? " He asked . It strained me to think of it . I shook my head once again . He rolled away , and began treading the other rows of slabs . " Nothing as serious as what you have , " I said , not knowing . He didn 't say anything at this point , but simply went about his way reading the slabs . Once he was done a row , he turned around , and made his way down another lane . He stopped mid way this time , and I walked up to him . " How about you ? Any relatives on here ? " I didn 't expect an answer . Just mindless bantering , between two people who just so happened upon this quaint enclave of history . " Strange question . No , " I answered with a slight smile . He chuckled , and then turned his wheel chair back , and began rolling through the rest of his lane . Once he was done , he began on another , and this time , I began to walk behind him , looking at all the slabs he did , unable to read . " Being paralyzed must feel like the weight of the world is on your back . " I looked up at the sky . It was a clear day . Not a single cloud in sight , and not a single bird flying above to indicate a sign of life . The only thing here was the bodies below . That , and a wheelchair , and I . " Everything around you starts caving in , and despite you wanting to stop the subjugating masses of reality , you can 't . " He stopped , and looked upon a single slab . His eyes were fixated on it . His hands were restless , tapping on the arm of his chair . " To me , accepting your paralysis means giving up . " He looked up at me , smiled , and then looked back down with a sigh . He wheeled his way off , and I followed . We never said anything until he finished looking at each row . When we were done , he stopped at the spot he came from . " Why can 't you ? " He stopped , his eyes fixated on the earth below us . I came to , and with the same white gown , that was now browned at the hems , patted him on the shoulder . I shrugged and added , " Nothing wrong with being different . Right ? " He looked down , didn 't even bother to shrug me off , and just smiled as he brought his head up , " Yeah . You 're right , " he said . And then , added , " It 's just … It 's hard to think about that . I can 't even begin to imagine living like this . Can you ? " I shook my head . I couldn 't . I couldn 't , but I knew that at one point in my life , I could have sympathized . For some reason , it didn 't hurt me to think about it . I was just like him . We walked back to the hospital , and along the way , I saw a patch of flowers that were beginning to wilt . I stopped him and pointed it out . It was a group of yellow petaled flowers , and one that was oddly blue . I couldn 't discern a name for them , but I knew that the blue flower was special . Yet , no matter how different it was , it still lived a life among the rest . " Just like you , " I said out loud , " Minus the dying part , " I quickly corrected . We laughed . Once we got back to the hospital , I wheeled him inside , back to where I came out . The hallway was still empty which made me feel oddly comfortable . I followed his direction and brought him to his room . " Yeah . I do . I hope you find the rest of your life too . " With that , we waved , and I was off . I wandered down the hall , with each step echoing in my head . I walked , and followed no particular line , but I found my room . I couldn 't read , nor did I know my name , but I knew it was my room . It drew me in . I opened the door , and stood in front of my bed . It was just like I left it . Messy . Then , it hit me . Hospitals usually have a name plate for their patients in front of the bed . I crouched down , and lowered my eyes to the name plate . Then , I realized I couldn 't read but maybe I would remember the words anyway . I could still match them visually . As I scanned the plate , I noticed that there were numbers on the plate . Date : 1976 . I looked around and went outside my room , looked at what was written on it . The letters were all different . Strange , I thought . I went over to my bed , and then looked at everything around me again . Except , the flowers were wilting , just like the ones outside . It made me want to cry . I crawled into my bed , and then covered myself with the white sheet . I then closed my eyes , and waited for the world around me to stop . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailTumblrLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . Little Mary Had a Lamb May 29 , 2016May 29 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello , and yes , this is based off of the nursery rhyme . The nursery rhyme , in my mind , was originally conceived as a rather lighthearted song . It 's about a little girl named Mary and her lamb . She brings it to school one day and that 's that . Except , I wanted to bring this a step further . Actually , I completely twisted the original rhyme and added a whole different backstory to it . Some of the original lines are still there , and in one sense , the themes are still the same . A story about friendship and love , and for whatever reason I made it also a story about justice . For whatever reason . Here you go , " Little Mary Had a Lamb " . Little Mary had a little lamb . It 's skin was as white as snow . And everywhere that Little Mary went , the little lamb was sure to go . Little Mary liked petting her little lamb , because her skin was nice and soft . It was furry yet at the same time , very smooth . Little Mary loved her little lamb very much . She has known her for as long as she can remember , and she knows that her little lamb has always been there for her . Little Mary can never think bad of her little lamb , because her little lamb has always been good to her . No matter what , Little Mary wants to always be with her little lamb . One day , Little Mary brought her little lamb to school . Little Mary did not want to bring her little lamb , but her little lamb followed her . Little Mary knew that the teachers and principal would get angry with her , so she told her little lamb to stay outside . In class , Little Mary 's classroom was interrupted by a large speaker that buzzed a sound that all the students hated . It told Little Mary 's teacher that Little Mary had to go to the main office , where the principal was waiting . The teacher asked why because Little Mary 's teacher knew that Little Mary was a very good girl . The buzzing sound said that Little Mary had brought her little lamb to school , and once her class heard that , everyone started laughing . They began getting riled up into a frenzy , with kids pushing about and throwing toys at each other . All the children began to laugh and play , and they all wanted to see Little Mary 's little lamb at school . Little Mary thought that everyone was making fun of her since everyone was pointing their fingers and laughing menacingly . Even Little Mary 's teacher began laughing at her , and Little Mary ran out the room and headed to the main office . " Little Mary . Your little lamb has been eating up all the vegetables in the school garden , " the principal said as Little Mary arrived . Little Mary went outside to the school garden where carrots , lettuce , squash , and egg plants were planted in neat rows for all the kids and parents to eat . But there were no vegetables anymore , only Little Mary 's little lamb , who stood at the base of the garden as she had finished eating all of the vegetables . The principal did not seem very angry at Little Mary , but his voice and his posture all pointed at his new found anathema , Little Mary . " Little Mary . I know you are too young to understand , but bringing your little lamb to school isn 't a good thing . I know you love her very much , but we need that food . Everyone in the neighbourhood can 't eat their vegetables now . " The principal towered over Little Mary as Little Mary watched her little lamp . " Because you are a little child Little Mary , we cannot punish you . You may not have told your little lamb to eat all the vegetables , but your little lamb did . " The principal walked over to the garden , and picked up the little lamb , and placed her in front of Little Mary . " But we cannot let this go without action . Your little lamb has to be punished . " Little Mary looked up at the principal with teary eyes and said , " But what will you do with my little lamb ? " The principal thought long and hard , and finally came to a decision , " For the next neighbourhood feast . We will eat your little lamb . " Little Mary was devastated at the news , and tried her best to fight the principal to change her punishment , but the principal was firm on his decision . The principal walked off that day with a smile on his face , and Little Mary was left in tears . That night , Little Mary held her little lamb until she cried herself to sleep . On the day of the neighbour feast , Little Mary brought her little lamb to the giant stove that stood in the middle of the neighbourhood . Little Mary was very slow in walking to the neighbourhood feast , which made it even worse for her once she arrived . All the kids were laughing and playing , but as they saw Little Mary arrived , they all began pointing at her , and some even threw small pebbles at Little Mary . None of them wanted to throw stones at her little lamb because they knew that the little lamb would taste better if they didn 't hurt it before it got cooked . Once she had arrived at the pot , Little Mary was told to go back and fetch the residence papers she was given for having her little lamb live with her . As she left , they said they would hold down her little lamb and begin cooking her in the stove . Once Little Mary had arrived , Little Mary rushed to her little lamb , who was half beaten to death near the stove , and hugged her . Little Mary cried and cried , but the parents , who thought they finally had her little lamb in their clutches , took the little lamb and tossed it into the stove . They closed the lid before Little Mary could run in , and as the stove began heating up , her little lamb went to the transparent glass door of the stove and rested there as Little Mary touched the glass on the other side , caressing where her little lamb 's face would be . The children and parents watched as this happened , and one of the children asked , " Why does the lamb love Little Mary so ? " The teacher who had laughed at Little Mary answered , " Why , Little Mary loves the lamb , you know . " Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailTumblrLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . Gregarious Dreams May 28 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello , and today we have something quite disturbing . The title is a bit of a pun in of itself since the main character is named Greg , and having " dreams " is usually associated with positive aspects . Though that is entirely up to the reader . Greg can be seen as having a nice embrace into the realm of sleep , or it could be a much deeper issue with his mind . A mental issue , in other words . A mental issue , and coping . That was the main theme I tried to convey , how one can develop a mental issue , or use a mental issue to help cope with a stressful event . Having things like Schizophrenia is scary , though having any mental issue is scary . I wanted to grasp a sense of what it might have to have delusions , and bring some perspective to that topic . Kind of drags you into the sense of life itself , I mean , whatever we want to be real , will be real as long as our brains play it out in our heads . Reality and fiction has a thin line , and the one to cross it is us . Here you go , " Gregarious Dreams " . It 's been a few months since the accident . Greg wakes up , and fixes himself a cup of black coffee like he always does . He sets the cup on the table , and then waits ten minutes . Then , the sound of the bathroom door upstairs ' plays in Greg 's ears , and he yells , " Morning ! " Silence resides the house , but Greg plays a response , " Morning ! " It was the voice of a middle - aged man , scruff and bearded , but , little to none above the eyes . Greg grabs another cup , and pours the black cascading liquid , the sound of the cup filling resounds with Greg and gives him a satisfying smile . He then sets out to find two plates , and places them on the table , resounding a clank throughout the kitchen . He grabs two slices of bread and slots them into the toaster , pressing down the button as he does . Then , another sound , the sound of shuffling feet above plays in Greg 's ears . He recognizes this as scuttling , and the image of a short blonde girl prancing about with her small feet fills the void upstairs . The sound of childish laughter then plays within Greg 's ears , and he smiles as he reaches over to grab a smaller plate . The toast pops up from the toaster , and with his hands , Greg grabs each slice and places them neatly on the two larger plates . He then puts another piece in , and pulls out a pan . Greg reaches over to the refrigerator , and pulls out two eggs , and cracks them onto the pan as he turns it on . The sizzle and churning of the eggs resound within Greg , giving him another satisfying smile . As the eggs finish , he places one on each large plate , and pulls out the toast from the toaster to place on the smaller plate . He then spreads jam on the smaller toast with a silver spreading knife , and butter on the two other pieces of toast with a spreading knife . Greg then pours orange juice from the carton on the table to the small cup next to the jam toast . " Greg ! " Greg perks up from his seat , and walks out of the kitchen towards the second floor stairs . He looks up at nothingness , but a short blonde girl plays in his eyes . " Rose ! " Greg calls out into the woodworks , " What 's wrong ? " Rose furrows her brows and frowns at Greg . She pouts , and holds her arms behind her , then she sticks out her tongue and audibly queues her disdain . The accident was on the highway , no signs of intoxication . Rose then laughs and skips her way down the stairs and past Greg , leaving him dumbfounded by her playful disposition . " What 's the matter ? " The voice from before drags Greg to turn his head back towards the stairs . The image of a middle - aged man plays in Greg 's eyes ; the one with scruff and beard . " Early in the morning ? " Greg turns his head as his father walks behind him and into the kitchen , " Something like that . " Greg smiles and walks back into the kitchen as well . He sees Rose with wide eyes and a voracious smile . Greg then turns towards his father , who is also eating away at his toast , reading the newspaper that Greg had left for him on the table . Greg then sits down , and eats his toast . Complete silence befalls him . Just egregious youth . " Hey Greg ! " Rose calls out to Greg , whom looks up at her and smiles . Greg lowers his toast , which comes into contact with the plate and resounds a satisfying thump to Greg . " They flock towards the dead . " Greg blinks , and then notices the plate of bread in front of Rose hadn 't been touched , and the plate of bread in front of his father hadn 't been touched . Greg slams his hands on the wooden table , trying his best not to spill the carton of milk and listens to the resounding slam as it violently rings in his ears . " They also eat a whole bunch of yucky things ! " Rose sticks her tongue out and then giggles . Greg slams the table again , resounding a violent ring in his ears . " Hey ! Did you hear about the game tonight ? " Greg 's father says as he picks up the toast and brings it to his mouth . The toast visibly shrinks in his father 's hands , but as he lays the toast down , Greg blinks . The toast is now whole again . A father , a daughter , and a son was affected by the car accident , the two in the other vehicle remained completely unharmed . " Shut up ! " Greg yells at his father , at seemingly the air , and his father remains phlegmatic as he reads the newspaper , flipping the pages and playing the sound of reading to Greg . " It 's going to be exciting Greg ! " Greg gets up , and then reaches over to grab the newspaper from his father . Just as his eyes had visibly connected his hands to the newspaper that was being held by his father , he blinked . The accident was tragic , only the son had lived . " Look at this ! " Rose pulls her arm out , which is covered in butterflies . The flesh of her arm melts away as the butterflies nib away at her skin , causing blood to drip onto the table . Greg 's eyes widen and he screams . Then , he blinks . The table was clear . Two untouched plates with toast and eggs , and one smaller plate with jam toast . Greg goes to the refrigerator , and pulls out the carton of milk , and places it on the table . Greg blinks . The table is filled with Rose , and his father , and he grabs the glass of milk near his plate and splashes it across the table . Greg blinks , and looks at the carton of milk . He takes it , and pours it into the sink , with the sound of splashing resounding in Greg 's ears . He sighs , and then turns towards the kitchen table . He reaches over to his toast , and grabs it , then takes a bite , smiling at the resounding sound of food being eaten . He blinks . Rose is covered in butterflies , and so is his father . Greg blinks , then , closes his eyes . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailTumblrLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . Farm Out North May 27 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello , and this one is a bit strange . It was written in the same kind of vein as a fable or fairy tale . But the more likely candidate is a children 's story , plain and simple . It 's a simple story to follow , with a clear beginning and ending . Except , it isn 't that simple . Not with this farm out north . It 's a short story that involves ideas of capitalism and labor . Somewhere among the strange corn fields there is corruption to be had , and the real travesty are the people who blindly buy into this corruption . Though , if all that is hexing , than this is just a twisted story about a boy who works on a corn field , nothing more , nothing less . Here you go , " Farm Out North " . Once upon a time , there was a farm out north . This farm was very wide and very long . It had rows and rows of corn fields , and rows and rows of farm animals . You can see cows and chickens and sheep , and they would all play together in their pens . Apart from the fields and animals , there was a bright red barn house with a grain silo , and a smaller house where Mr . North lived . Mr . North was a kind old man who lived alone in his farm house out north . Every day he woke up to tend to his corn fields . He would place a corn seed into the hole he dug , then fill it and pat it down with his small spade . Mr . North spent half his day planting corn seeds , and the other half he spent tending to his animals by feeding the cows , grooming the sheep and playing with the chicken . One day a small boy named Henry walked onto Mr . North 's farm . Henry was out playing and just so happened to stumble on the farm . Mr . North , who was busy working that day , did not notice Henry until the guard dogs starting barking at him . Henry wasn 't afraid of the dogs , and began playing with them , but when Mr . North came to check up on the commotion , Henry froze up and looked at Mr . North like a deer in headlights . " Hello , " Mr . North said with a small smile on his face . Henry remained motionless as he saw Mr . North tower over him . The guard dog left Henry and began circling Mr . North , occasionally growling . Mr . North thought about the small boy in front of him , and then said , " Are you lost ? " Henry shook his head . Mr . North then asked him , " Would you like something to eat ? " Henry was hesitant , knowing that his parents told him to be very wary of strangers , so Henry shook his head . " Oh you see . I 'm a farmer - " Mr . North made a motion to point at his coverall , " I have so much extra food , that if I don 't eat it , it 'll just go in the garbage . " Henry knew that his mom also told him that wasting food was very bad , and that if he were to waste food , she would get angry at him . Henry didn 't want that to happen . " I can help you , " Henry said hesitantly with a quiet voice . Mr . North smiled at Henry but then said , " But I can 't trouble you to stay and eat . After all , I still have all this work left to do . " Mr . North pointed at his corn fields , " I can only make food after I 'm done all my work . If I had help , I would be done much quicker , and my tired bones would be much better , and my corn fields would be much happier . " Henry , who listened to Mr . North 's story , lit up and thought up of a brilliant plan , " I know ! Why don 't I help you with the farm ? And then you can finish and we can eat ! " Mr . North smiled brightly at Henry and patted him on the head . Mr . North showed Henry exactly what to do on the corn fields , and once Henry had the swing of things , Mr . North said , " I 'll go tend to the animals now . " Henry nodded , and smiled back , and then turned to continue his work . Mr . North , who was a deceiving man was in fact a misanthrope , and knew very well what he was doing , and how to deal with Henry . Mr . North was very frugal , and once the chance at free labor presented itself to Mr . North , he couldn 't help but latch onto that . Mr . North was a conniving man . Once all of the work was done , Henry went up to Mr . North , but before Henry could even speak , Mr . North said , " Oh but the fields are not done yet . I cannot make food until all the fields are filled . I 'm sorry , but will you help me tomorrow as well ? Once all the fields are done , I 'll make you something to eat , okay ? Otherwise all my food will go to waste . " " Why don 't you go home , and bring some friends along ? That way , we can finish , and we can make sure none of the food goes to waste . " Henry thought about it , and agreed . Henry went home that day , and told all his friends to come the next day . Mr . North smiled at the kindness that Henry showed , and also smiled at his own nefarious plan . The next day , Henry came with all his friends to work on the farm . They worked tirelessly planting corn seeds into his corn fields , and without a doubt they had made tremendous progress . Mr . North was also relieved that this amount of kindness was still present in this anathema filled world . Mr . North would use this kindness till the end of his days , the same way he 's always been , and will never give back because he is a man that is deserving of no praise . The following week , Henry and his friends worked and worked , putting seed after seed of corn until Mr . North could finally rest easy for the next yield . On the day that they were done , Mr . North had told the children to come back for a big feast . He told them he would bake them delicious corn bread , and delicious milk from his cow 's , and delicious eggs from his chicken . All the kids were very hungry because of all the work they did the entire week , and looked forward to coming back to Mr . North 's farm . As they arrived back at Mr . North 's farm , Mr North 's dogs began barking at them . Mr . North trained his dogs to do that . Mr . North came to check on the commotion , and Henry and his friends all looked at him with high expectations , but Mr . North had ideas otherwise . " You said that after we do all the work , that we would all eat together so you wouldn 't waste food , " Henry explained . Mr . North continued , and grew angry , " You kids think you helped me ? I did all the work myself ! I have no food for you ! " Mr . North then motioned for the dogs to bark wildly at the kids , which scared them all off . Henry , who didn 't know what had happened , began crying as he went home . His parents asked him what was wrong , and Henry explained the whole situation . " The one up north , " Henry said with tears in his eyes . Henry 's mother and father both looked at each other with confusion . They had not known of any farmer up north . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailTumblrLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . Back - Alley Deal May 25 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello , and today we have something that is a bit different from what I would usually tread with . It 's a psychological thriller of sorts , and although I personally don 't find it the best of my works , I do think it 's worth something in of itself . Perhaps the antagonists involved could be part of a much larger whole , and lead a story all on their own , but this small snippet is just a little exploration into a territory of untapped crime . Really , I think that 's the theme , of unexpected crimes and the inane boredom of those who do it . That in a world seemingly moral and right , there is always corruption and people are always dying . And somewhere in the middle of that , is corrupt justice . Here you go , " Back - Alley Deal " . Misanthropic stares and thoughts of anathema filled the backstreet alley as George was dragged in with a gun to his head . George was simply running an errand that day , to go to the grocery store . However , after taking a wrong turn , still unaccustomed to the city he was living in , George grew lost . He figured it was pernicious of him to panic and thus simply walked mindlessly hoping for a sliver of hope to appear . That sliver did appear though not for George , for his two assailants , Kyle and June . Kyle spotted an unattended George from afar , and clued June in on the situation . June nodded her head with alacrity , and beckoned Kyle to move into new positions . Once they had established good hiding spots , they both took out their weapons of choice , a gun for Kyle , and a knife for June , and waited for George to pass by . George struggled , and just as he was about to yell , Kyle stuffed his mouth with cloth , and tied it around his head . Kyle then pushed George against the wall , and pressed his foot against George 's stomach to stop his belligerent struggling . Kyle smiled , and brought the gun to face George , such that the barrel would appear like a gleaming steel pipe . Kyle was so engrossed in his own egregious manner that he began laughing hysterically . And without warning , as if through experience , became an erudite , his face tensed and his laughing subsided , and he scowled at George , " You must be lost . " George began darting his eyes , looking for some semblance of hope , trying to stay sanguine and grasp onto a thread of hope , wherever that may be . Though , only Kyle and June knew that there was no hope for George , and that whatever happens to him , is only befitting for the likes of them . Kyle even thought his actions to be altruistic , and that thought , made him laugh again . " So , what shall we do with you ? " Kyle said as his demeanor shifted back to his serious anger filled stare . Kyle brought the gun barrel towards his own chest , and took out a small tube from his pocket . He then attached it to the top of the barrel , and twisted it tightly . He smiled , and then looked at the end of the alleyway , where a half broken bottle of wine lay near a garbage can . Kyle took aim , and then fired , the muzzle and sound of the gun being completely ousted , but the bottle breaking into pieces . George saw this unfold before him and broke into a nervous panic , his eyes now dilating with fear , his muffled screams filled the alley , and his body sprang up to run , though Kyle had already thought of that and immediately pressed the trigger on his leg . George 's entire body was planted into the alleyway . " Sorry kid , that shot was imminent , though , didn 't expect you to run like that . " Kyle circled around George and then pressed his foot against the wounded leg , causing George to cry out in overwhelming agony . George began hyperventilating as his face kissed the ground , and Kyle only exacerbated the problem by adding more weight into his foot . Soon enough , Kyle rolled his eyes and sighed as he picked George up and pressed him against the alley wall . Kyle looked at the beaten leg , and then pressed his gun to it . George shook his head wildly , which prompted Kyle to smile mercurially . " Alright kid , game 's over . Now I 'll tell you why you 're here , " Kyle said as he lowered his gun and brought out a bottle of alcohol . He poured the alcohol onto the leg , and then wrapped it in bandages as George silently screamed . " This is real life . We 've been doing this for a while now , so long that even we forget how long we 've been doing this . " George was grasping for his life as Kyle began speaking to him . " To be fair , this is where the fun really starts . You 'll only have one shot at this , and if you can impress us , we 'll let you off , even give you a few bills . If not , then we 'll be sending you straight to hell . " As Kyle said this , June arrived behind him , herding with her one man , and one woman , both blindfolded , with their ears plugged , and their mouths sealed in a similar fashion as his . George stared at the two , and then back at Kyle . Kyle smiled , as June pushed the two further into the alley . " Here 's your job . You have one bullet - " June pressed her weight into both the man , and woman 's back to prevent them from getting up , " To either shoot the man , or woman . " Kyle brought the gun to his eyes , and then simulated the firing , bringing back his shoulder and making a " bang " as the gun " fired " . " I 'll guide your arm , you shoot . That 's all this is . " George didn 't answer , and grew incredulous to the events about to unfold before his eyes . Kyle laughed , and then asked June for her knife , which she reluctantly gave . Kyle brought the knife to George 's arm , and stabbed it , forcing the blade down and twisting it until blood stopped spewing . Kyle then sprang the knife out of his arm , and dragged George up , supporting him , and then placed the gun into his hands , with one finger on the trigger . June grabbed the knife from Kyle , and then stabbed both the man and woman 's legs before standing up . The alley was stained with crimson red as the two began flopping like oxygen deprived fish . June remained phlegmatic throughout the entire process , and began cleaning her knife as Kyle shuffled George to the two bodies and forced his arm to point the gun at their heads . " Man , or woman . Your choice . " George 's arm was completely limp , and if not for Kyle holding it up , George would not be able to lift it . His grip was fully supported by Kyle , and George knew that his arm was not completely out of order , he still had enough strength to pull a trigger . " Either you die first , or they do . If you make a choice that will impress us , we 'll let you off with a few bills , " June said . George looked at both Kyle and June , and with the cold steel of the gun handle on his hands , he knew that the situation he was in was completely real . There was no escaping it , and he knew he could not stay aplomb if he wanted to retain his sanity . George 's breathing fluctuated , and Kyle , who was holding George , could feel his heart raise . Kyle moved George 's arm to the man , and then back to the woman , as if teasing him . Each motion sent surges of pain to George , and despite his muffled screams , Kyle continued to smile and chuckle . " Now don 't scream . If you do , we 'll give you a hell far greater than death , " Kyle whispered into George 's ear with a menacing grin . George couldn 't understand why Kyle had allowed him to talk , but as his eyes wandered to June , who was staring bloodied daggers at him , he spoke instinctively , " Please let me go ! " Kyle laughed and answered , " Once you make a decision , we 'll let you go . Either alive , or to hell . " " You don 't have a choice in the matter , but we will tell you two things , " June said , " The man to your left is a convicted murderer , Alex Leyton . " June took out a driver 's licenses and threw it on the back of the man , allowing George to confirm for himself . George knew that Alex Leyton had been convicted for murder and was on the run , though he did not expect him to be in his city . " The woman on the right , she 's a tried home wrecker , five time felony . " June tossed three rings on the woman 's body , " You have one choice . To either shoot a woman , or a man . If you impress us , then - " " I know , " George interrupted . George had made his decision , and both Kyle and June saw it in his eyes . George had one shot , and one shot only to free himself from his situation . It didn 't take him long to think about it , and once he had it in his mind , it was almost satisfying to pull the trigger . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailTumblrLinkedInRedditLike this : Like Loading . . . ( The Reaper and ) Little Mary May 13 , 2016 ~ Brian ~ Leave a comment Hello once again . This time we have something of the ilk of fairy tales . Though , not exactly influenced by any specific fairy tale , the idea of the ol ' children 's story was used as influence . And , I 'm not much a children 's writer , so the plot of this is actually not very pleasant at all . In a simple sense of it , it 's about a girl , Mary , who lives alone since her parents are deceased . She is a kid , from thick and thin , and she does not understand adult concepts , one of which , as explored briefly , is death . This was a fun little piece that I concocted without much to go from , and as such is just that , a fun little piece . So , here you go , " The Reaper and Little Mary " Little Mary has lived alone for the bitter half of her life . Whenever Little Mary wakes up , she is greeted by the faces of her dead mother and dead father . They used to call her Little Miss Mary . Since they died , Little Mary ousted the Miss , and became Little Mary . Little Mary liked her named very much , because it was the name her mother and father gave her when she was born . Little Mary loved her parents very much , and wanted to do everything in her power to make them proud . Now , Little Mary can only ever remind herself of her parents when she is lost in reverie . Little Mary 's day is not very eventful . Every day she brushed her teeth , and every day she made breakfast . Little Mary was a very smart girl , and a very resourceful girl . Little Mary knew not to trust strangers , knew always to lock the door , and knew never to touch the stove when it is hot . Little Mary was a good little Mary . Today , Little Mary 's day would be very different . Little Mary woke up , brushed her teeth , ate breakfast , and then heard someone knocking on her door . Little Mary , who lived alone , walked past her house , past the wooden walls , past the living room , past the wooden table with the lamp on top , past the paintings of butterflies and rivers , past the red letters on the other side of her hallway , and to the door . Little Mary peeked through the small peep hole on the front of her door , and looked at who was knocking . It was a man who wore a black robe that covered his entire body . Little Mary was too short to see his face , but remained phlegmatic , refusing to shake her hands , her feet , or even her body as she looked at the tall man . The man then knocked again , this time , as Little Mary had pressed her face against the door , the knock boomed throughout Little Mary 's body , causing her to almost vibrate . Little Mary had to repress a giggle , as she didn 't want the tall man to think she was making fun of him and entice an acrimonious punishment . It was something she was far too familiar with . The knock permeated Little Mary 's pernicious abode , and Little Mary smiled again . Little Mary did not know if the tall man was going to stand there and knock on her door forever , but soon enough , Little Mary heard the man speak , " Is anyone home ? " Little Mary tried her best not to say anything , and thus continued to stare at the tall man through the peep hole . Little Mary was obstinate about opening the door , and wanted the tall man to leave . After a few more minutes of staring , the tall man left , and Little Mary sighed in relief . She took her face off of her door , her arms and legs relaxing , but just as she was about to turn , something came through the small opening of the door . It was a small note , and Little Mary , being the smart girl she was , knew how to read , and so she picked up the note , and read it . The words were splattered in large black font , and Little Mary read the words aloud , wanting everyone in the house to hear , " I see you . " Little Mary did not understand what the words meant , and thus took the letter and placed it on the nearby table with the lamp . As Little Mary went to the living room , a tapping on the window alerted her . At first , Little Mary was truncated in her spot , but then Little Mary knew that she couldn 't be scared , and that she had to be brave , so Little Mary puffed out her chest and went to inspect the window . She walked past the living room couch , past the living room fireplace , past the living room dining table , past the living room grandfather clock , and past the human figure hanging with the living room lamp , and to the window . Little Mary pulled back the curtains , and in front of her were big black letters , like the one in the note , that said , " Open up " . Little Mary looked past the letters and out into the dirt road , out into the trees , out into the flowers , but did not see anyone . Little Mary then closed the curtains . Little Mary was not sure what was happening , but went back to the front door , past the red letters , and opened the door . There was no one there . " Hello , " a voice said , and as Little Mary turned towards that voice , Little Mary saw the tall man in the middle of her hallway . Little Mary looked at the tall man phlegmatically , not shaking her arms , nor her legs , nor her body . Little Mary was strong , and stared at the tall man , and then with her tiny mouth , and with her tiny voice , said , " Hello . I 'm Little Mary . Who are you ? " " Are you a grownup ? " The tall man nodded , which enticed Little Mary to raise her feet , lift her head , and say with as much swagger as she could muster , " I 'm a grownup too ! " Little Mary held this position for about ten seconds , and then fell on her face , hitting her nose on the wood floor , but quickly recovering . Little Mary rubbed her nose as she got up , but continued to stand tall in the face of the man . " You may not understand , but your actions are anything but peccadillo . " The tall man raised his veiled hands out at Little Mary , and opened them . Then , as Little Mary stood staring at the tall man , a gust of wind blew across the hallway , obstructing Little Mary 's view , and as her vision cleared , she noticed that the tall man had disappeared . Little Mary turned behind her , and then noticed that the door was shut . The note was not on the table anymore either . Little Mary made her way to the window , opened the curtains , and saw that the letters were gone . Little Mary didn 't know what had happened , and decided that she was just dreaming . Little Mary made her way to the kitchen , so that she could make herself something to eat . Little Mary went past the kitchen , past the wooden table counter , past the chairs , past the stove , past the sink , past the jar of reddened bodily matter , and to the freezer . Little Mary stuck her hand in , and moved past the bread , past the eggs , past the meat , past the carrots , past the lettuce , past the jar of honey , past the butter , past the sticking hand , and grabbed a jar of dead duck eggs . As Little Mary brought it out , her hand slipped , and the jar shattered on the wooden floor , leaving shards of glass to spread all over the kitchen floor . One such shard lodged itself into Little Mary 's leg , which caused Little Mary to smile . Little Mary laughed , and then as she lost the nerves in her leg , was forced to bend down . " I 'm sorry , mother , and father . Little Mary is a bad girl after all , " Little Mary said with a deep voice . Her smile never ceased to persist , and as Mary stayed kneeling on that kitchen floor , Mary knew that her final act had yet to be played . Mary was confident , that there was one last person she needed to add into her canvas of anathema . |
It was on another mid - August afternoon when my Gran had taken me to this very location . I was six years old and there had been a carnival in town that I begged her to take me to . I was so excited to be going somewhere other than another doctor 's appointment that I wore my best sundress and a plastic tiara I 'd gotten for Christmas . She had always encouraged my imaginative spirit and was watching me for the day while my father , the town Sheriff , was working . Gran was my caretaker whenever Daddy had to work , so she was like my mother and grandmother all rolled into one . My real mother had died while giving birth to me two months before I was due to have been born . She had been caught up in a real bad storm , while driving home from the store that night , and a flash flood forced her car down an embankment . It was Daddy who found her hours later , while he was out on patrol , but she had lost a lot of blood by then . The trauma of the accident had induced her to go into labor prematurely and once they got to the hospital she lost consciousness . The doctors had to perform an emergency c - section and she died moments after I was born . My lungs weren 't fully developed and I was in the neonatal intensive care unit for weeks before Daddy could finally bring me home . Gran stayed with us a lot in the beginning and I was in and out of hospitals throughout my early childhood due to illnesses brought on by me being born too soon . I was small for my age and very pale due to being kept indoors because of my asthma . My immune system wasn 't the best either so , being an only child , the only people in my life were Daddy and Gran . I was the apple of Daddy 's eye , but even as a child I would sometimes see the sadness he couldn 't always hide whenever he looked at me . Gran said it was because I was the spitting image of my mom and that Daddy loved her so much , he 'd never really gotten over her death . He didn 't have time to mourn for her when she first died because he was so worried about me at the time and my health didn 't start to improve , once and for all , until I turned five . My birthday was in July and Daddy was still so worried that he didn 't let me go to school that fall , meaning I would be a whole year behind everyone else my age when I finally did start . Gran loved to read and it was a passion she instilled in me from the very start . My favorites were fairytales , of course , and I begged her to read me the same stories over and over until I was able to read them on my own . Whenever Daddy had to work nights , I would sleep over at Gran 's house and she 'd let me stay up watching old movies with her like ' Gone With the Wind ' . I had just watched ' Romeo and Juliet ' with Gran the night before , but I 'd fallen asleep before the end . Back then , I was so sure they had lived happily ever after ; they were , after all , so very much in love . How could their love story not have a happy ending ? I clutched Gran 's hand as we walked around the fairground , burying my face into the folds of her skirt whenever one of her friends would stop to chat with her . I was extremely shy , having been so sheltered my whole life , which was one of the main reasons Gran had told Daddy that I had to start school in a few weeks . He 'd been contemplating keeping me home for another year , but Gran wouldn 't hear of it . Daddy was a big strong man and I 'm sure he could look very intimidating with or without his Sheriff 's uniform on , but he would never think to go against Gran when she took a stance on something . She was intimidating in her own right . After seeing all of the rides and games , Gran wanted to sit in the shade near the lake to cool off for a bit . I didn 't know any of the other children and was too shy to wander over and introduce myself to them , so I stuck to Gran 's side like glue . A few of her friends from church eventually made their way over to where we were sitting and when I couldn 't take their curious glances any longer , I wandered a little ways away to where an empty wooden lifeguard stand sat near the edge of the lake . It wasn 't very tall , but neither was I so it seemed a hundred feet high to me at the time . Looking up , I imagined the very top being a balcony of a castle , just like in the fairy tales I loved to read . I 'd never played outdoors before for very long , but after a few minutes I swallowed my fear and climbed up the stairs to the top . I 'd felt my confidence grow with every step and I was amazed at how much I could see of the crowd from the platform where I stood . The whole town must have been there and I watched the families walking and laughing as though they didn 't have a care in the world . I closed my eyes and turned my face towards the sun , enjoying the warmth of its rays across my face , and when I opened them up again it took a few minutes before I was able to see passed the colors swirling in front of my eyes . When I was able to finally focus , the first thing I saw was the head of a young boy walking towards me with hair the same shade of blonde as mine . He looked to be around my age , but his build was lanky and his movements were awkward , wearing clothes that looked to be a little too small for him . They were dirty and torn and his hair hung in his eyes , almost brushing the tops of his shoulder , and I could see a faint bruise on his cheek that was almost healed . I still thought he was the most handsome boy in the world . " But I wasn 't making fun of you ! And I 'm not rich . " We weren 't rich by a long shot . Daddy 's health insurance covered some of my medical needs , but I knew he had to pay for a lot of my tests and medications himself because whenever I would ask why he had to work yet another overtime shift he 'd say , " So my baby girl can have the medicine she needs . " He was often tired , but he never once complained . I 'd learned guilt at a very early age and my Gran taught me to appreciate the little things in life . I never asked for , or even wanted anything special and was grateful for whatever I was given , knowing there wasn 't much money to spare . I excitedly told him all about Romeo and Juliet and everything I 'd watched the night before ending with , " You 'll be the prince and I 'll be the princess . So will you play with me ? Please say yes . " The anticipation I felt while waiting for his answer had my heart beating double time in my chest . I wanted him to be my friend , only then realizing how much I 'd been missing out on with my sheltered childhood . He remained silently standing there , tossing the pebbles haphazardly around us , but my nervousness faded away and my heart began to soar as I watched a smile start to make its way across his face . As he opened his mouth to reply we were both startled by the booming voice of my father saying , " Eric Northman ! You get away from my daughter ! " " That 's right and you 'd better leave Sookie alone . Now go on before I haul you back to your momma . She won 't be too happy seeing me with you again so soon . " " Corbett Stackhouse ! What 's gotten into you ? They were just playing ! " My Gran 's voice was harsh and coming closer , but I couldn 't see through the tears in my eyes . " That boy is nothing but trouble . Just last week I found him vandalizing one of the vacant shops in town and now I find him throwing rocks at Sookie ! He 's lucky I didn 't throw him in the back of my cruiser and take him home , " my father angrily defended himself . " He was not throwing rocks at Sookie . I was watching them the whole time . And seeing as how his momma , Arlene , is always running off looking for her next husband , it 's no wonder he 's out wandering around and getting into trouble . " She wrapped her arms around me , trying to calm me down , and her voice softened saying , " You should take pity on him Corbett . " " He 's ornery , " my father grumbled . I felt him try to pick me up , but I wretched my body away from him , angry that he made my friend go away , and clung to Gran with all of my strength . " Baby girl , " my father cooed , " I 'm just trying to protect you . " Gran folded her arms around me while I cried into her chest and she huffed in annoyance at my father , but said nothing . When he finally walked away , she waited for my sobs to lessen and whispered , " Eric is a fine friend to have . Don 't pay no mind to your father Sookie , he just gets blinded sometimes when it comes to you . " I held onto Gran 's words of comfort and I counted down the days until school would start , hoping that I 'd see Eric again . I had no idea of how old he was and Gran didn 't know when I 'd asked her . I didn 't dare ask Daddy about him , after seeing his reaction at the fairgrounds , so I kept quiet and never mentioned Eric 's name whenever he was around . But the first day of school came and went without me seeing Eric at all . I 'd looked for him at every opportunity to no avail . All of the kids in my class seemed to know one another and shunned me as an outsider , so I was left to sit all by myself in the cafeteria and on the playground at recess . I 'd heard a few of them whispering about me being ' sickly ' and they all agreed right away that they didn 't want to catch whatever I had so they wouldn 't even come near me . I held the tears back until I saw Gran waiting for me outside of the school and the floodgates opened . She was worried until I finally sobbed out everything that happened that day and she held me in her arms trying to soothe me with soft spoken words of comfort . It continued on that way for the next few weeks . I would go to school , hoping to see Eric , and come home crying every day because no one else wanted to be my friend . It didn 't help that I was too shy to talk to anyone , but I just couldn 't summon the courage after the one attempt when I 'd tried , at Gran 's urging , to walk over to a group of girls at recess and they all ran away from me screaming . I plopped down onto the bench next to him saying , " You can still be Romeo , just not in school . I haven 't seen you once since the first day of school started . What grade are you in ? " The words kept pouring from my mouth like water through a sieve and I was sure it was more than I 'd spoken the entire time since I 'd started school . I knew Mrs . Bellefleur 's husband was one of Daddy 's Deputies and I didn 't even think before the next question fell from my lips . " Well why haven 't you been doing your homework ? " I didn 't have much homework at all in kindergarten , but all of it was so easy that I just breezed right through it . Gran had already taught me everything we were learning in class the year before , so I wasn 't learning anything new . Eric looked down with his fingers twisting together in his lap barely whispering loud enough for me to hear , " Sometimes the letters look all jumbled together when I try to read them . My mom is a waitress and works a lot of nights because the tips are better and when she does have a night off , she usually goes out on dates , so there 's no one around to help me . She says I need a ' male role model ' . " He was home alone ? I couldn 't even fathom the idea of being left home alone , even knowing he was probably at least a year older than me . I wondered where his father was since he needed a role model , but I knew better than to ask . Before I could say anything in response , the outer office door opened causing both of us to look up in unison to see my father coming into the office . His eyes lit up for a brief moment seeing me until he saw who I was sitting next to and he shook his head muttering , " Surprise , surprise . " He looked back at me saying , " Come on Sookie , " and held his hand out for me to take . He didn 't have a chance to answer me because my father grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet , shuffling me into the Principal 's Office . I took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk , terrified I 'd done something bad enough to warrant my father 's presence , so I was in shock when the principal said my teacher recommended I skip kindergarten and go directly into the first grade . She 'd noticed that I wasn 't learning anything new and had even unofficially tested my knowledge just to be sure . I sat there catching flies while Daddy was proud as a peacock and signed all of the necessary paperwork for me to go into the first grade classroom the following morning . The great thing about living in such a small town was that there was only one teacher per grade , so I knew I 'd be in Eric 's class . I couldn 't wait to tell him and my mouth was halfway open to share the good news before we 'd even left the office , but Eric was already gone . The next morning I bounced , literally , all the way to school with Gran chuckling at my side . I 'd chattered nonstop to her the day before about being in Eric 's class , with her smiling and nodding at me , unable to get a word in if she 'd wanted to . She left me at the front door of the school and I practically skipped to the first grade classroom before walking inside . My eyes scanned the students already in their seats , but Eric wasn 't among them . Mrs . Bellefleur greeted me , we 'd met once when Daddy stopped by the station with me in tow , and pointed to a desk towards the back for me to take . From that day forward we were like peas and carrots . Eric and I spent every day side by side . It didn 't take long for me to figure out that , like me , he was shunned by the other students too . He never talked to anyone but me and I 'd heard some of the other boys picking on him for not being as athletically inclined as them , while the girls snickered over his clothing that were always just a bit too small . He was so much taller than the rest of the class and even though I knew he was a year older , he was still exceptionally tall and he seemed to grow like a weed . I 'd noticed on our first day together , in the cafeteria , that his lunch consisted of nothing more than a can of soda and a small bag of chips he 'd brought from home . Gran would have never tolerated that and when I asked him , he 'd said he packed his own lunch every day because his mom was still asleep when it was time for him to leave for school . He was eying the ham and cheese sandwich Gran had packed for me , so I ate one half and shared the other with him . When I later recounted the story for Gran , she made sure to pack extra food in my lunchbox every day after that , which Eric appreciated if you took into account how fast he 'd wolf it down . Every day I 'd tell Gran something new I 'd learned about Eric , not really understanding the reality of his situation , and every day Gran 's expression darkened hearing of his plight until one afternoon , a week after I 'd started first grade , she asked Eric what he normally did after school . He said he just went home or would go for walks . His mother was rarely home , but Gran told him he was more than welcome to come home with us every day and stay until after dinner if his mother said it was okay . I swore Gran was about to spit nails when , the next day , Eric told her his mother 's answer was , " I don 't care . " I was over the moon I was so happy and we quickly learned just how big of an appetite Eric really had . That boy could and would eat everything you put in front of him . He wasn 't able to put off doing his homework anymore either , since we were in the same class and I knew we had some . I didn 't understand why Eric got confused on what I viewed as simple sentences and words , but Gran figured out relatively soon that Eric had a learning disability . She checked out books from the library , while we were in school , on dyslexia and read up on it so she would be able to help Eric . When he started to show some improvement , she took it upon herself to speak to Mrs . Bellefleur and with a little bit of extra attention in the classroom , slowly but surely , Eric 's grades began to improve as did his self - confidence . Mondays through Fridays were my favorite days of the week , but weekends were horrible . Daddy rarely worked them , unless it was for an overtime shift , and while he knew Eric came home with us to Gran 's house during the week , he wouldn 't allow me to play with him on the weekends . I didn 't find out until later that Eric had become so accustomed to spending time at Gran 's farmhouse , he started showing up out of the blue every weekend , helping her with the yard work and small chores around the house just for the company . She would always make sure he left with a full belly and leftovers to take home . Days became weeks , weeks became months , and before I knew it , months became years . Eric and I were the very best of friends throughout elementary and middle school . We spent every free moment we had , together at Gran 's house . Because Eric was with us so much , it had kept him out of finding trouble on his own , so Daddy didn 't have much to say about him anymore . He still didn 't like him , but he 'd run out of excuses as to why . Gran had said it was just him being overprotective , but as long as he didn 't try to make me stop being around Eric , I didn 't care what he thought of him . He didn 't know him like I did and I doubted he would ever even try . The summer before we started high school , with the help of Gran 's cooking , Eric really grew into himself . His height shot up , hovering over six feet tall , and his arms , chest and back filled in with nothing but muscle from pushing Gran 's old lawn mower over an acre of grass once a week and scattering wheel barrels full of mulch in her flowerbeds . His skin was tanned a golden bronze from being shirtless nearly the entire summer and I definitely noticed . I 'd always had a crush on Eric from the very beginning , but I had to keep myself from swooning whenever he pushed the lawn mower passed the flowerbed I was weeding . His hair was lighter from being in the sun so much and still hung down to his shoulders , with sweat beading across his entire body . It made me feel things , but I never acted on them , afraid of messing up our friendship . According to Gran , I was going to be a late bloomer and hadn 't really filled out yet , but that didn 't stop me from doing yard work in nothing more than short shorts and a bikini top with my skin just as bronze as his . More than once , I thought I 'd made Eric feel things too because he 'd abruptly have to take a break and sit down for a while in the shade after I 'd catch him looking my way . On the nights I slept over at Gran 's , Eric would come back once it was dark and we would sneak off together , after she was asleep . We 'd walk through the fields to a nearby stream and lie down in the grass talking about everything . Neither one of us had seen much outside of Bon Temps , but lying together out , under the stars , we 'd close our eyes and I 'd tell him some of the stories I 'd read of faraway places , recalling every little detail I could . We envisioned going off on adventures together , exploring what we considered to be exotic locales and I couldn 't imagine a more wonderful life . That was the summer I 'd learned more of Eric 's horrible home life , which up until that point , he 'd never talked about in much detail . He never knew who his father was and he 'd said , quite bluntly , that he didn 't think his mother knew either . She mostly ignored him , but whenever she 'd had a few too many drinks she would openly blame him for her miserable life , telling him she 'd wished he 'd never been born . Eric 's mom had recently gotten married , for the fourth time , to a man named Rene . He and Eric didn 't get along at all , so neither Rene nor Eric 's mom cared whether he was home or not . When she 'd married him , Eric had hoped it would finally make her happy , but instead it only added another person to his life telling him how worthless he was . That September , we walked into the high school on the first day of our freshman year hand in hand and in my mind we were no longer like peas and carrots , but more like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly . Bon Temps and the nearby town of Clarice shared the same high school , so there were new faces to be seen , but I didn 't fail to notice the shift of how our fellow Bon Temps classmates now felt towards Eric ; mostly our fellow female classmates . We 'd kept to ourselves , as we always did all summer long , so Eric 's recently filled out form was new to them . Gone were his awkward movements and lanky limbs , replaced by inner confidence and a whole lot of muscle with a bit of swagger added to the mix now that we were holding hands in public . He 'd even whispered to me that everyone was jealous because I was his girlfriend . He 'd never come out and asked me point blank to be his girlfriend , but I wasn 't going to say any differently . I 'd wanted to be his girlfriend in the worst way , so if he just assumed it was a done deal , then so be it . He was as wrong as he was oblivious though because our classmates were definitely not jealous of him , but of me . They were coming up to him left and right , asking him about his summer while barely acknowledging me at all . It was as if I had a scarlet letter pinned to my shirt that caused everyone to point and stare , but not talk to . When our hands became separated due to the new members of the Eric Northman Fan Club converging on him , I was jostled away with the space I had been occupying filled with three other girls surreptitiously fighting each other for the spot I 'd just vacated . He was adorably confused by his sudden popularity , so I couldn 't find it within myself to be mad and it took Eric all of a second to register I was no longer standing next to him . With his height advantage , he spotted me easily and gravitated towards me with the crowd parting in front of him . When he grabbed my hand once more , I heard the collective sigh of the group and saw their death glares , but I didn 't care . He was mine . He 'd said so . The next three years passed by in a blissful blink of an eye with proclamations of love made daily by each of us to the other . I 'd finally filled out , much to my father 's dismay , and even more so to Eric 's . Boys who had never given me a second glance were suddenly very attentive and the girls continued to pursue Eric like I was nothing more than a figment of their imagination , but we only had eyes for each other . Gran called it ' sweet ' . Daddy called it a ' passing fancy ' . The way he talked you 'd think he hadn 't paid any attention over the previous two thirds of my life , but that wasn 't the case . He paid attention in great detail to : every article of clothing I attempted to leave the house in ; the amount of space in between Eric 's body and my own whenever we were together ; and , more often than not , he would pass by Eric and me in his police cruiser whenever we went out for a walk together . However Eric 's mom and stepfather were the complete opposite . He could probably disappear for weeks and they still might not notice he was gone . They seemed to get angry at him for no other reason than he 'd come home . I felt so bad for him , knowing what a horrible home life he had , and I was happy that I could put a smile on his face whenever we were together . The summer before our senior year of high school Eric had gotten a job in town bussing tables at the local bar and grill , Merlotte 's . He was saving every penny because his stepfather had told him once he graduated high school he would be on his own and wouldn 't be allowed to ' freeload ' there any longer . His grades , while improved , were nowhere near good enough to get a scholarship and when Gran heard about what Eric had been told , she said he 'd always be welcome in her home which was a great big relief to both of us knowing he 'd always have a place to stay . Gran loved Eric like he was her own flesh and blood , the feeling was mutual , and over the years we 'd had to talk her down from heading over to his house to give Eric 's mother a piece of her mind . She would never say anything derogatory about his mom out loud , but you could see the Stackhouse temper flare up within her whenever she heard about the latest slight Eric suffered at his mother 's hand . But me ? My grades were pretty good . Good enough that I was offered several scholarships that would cover the majority of my college education , but I was more than willing to go to the local community college so I could still be near Eric . My father had other plans though and made me apply to LSU , Tulane , and a few other four year universities , saying over and over that I had so many available options in front of me . In my teenage mind , Eric was the only option I wanted . I loved him with all of my heart and soul . We 'd been together for so long that I could barely remember what it was like before he 'd come into my life . We took our relationship seriously , but my father refused to see it . And for all of his glare filled stares whenever Eric would hold my hand , Eric was always a complete gentleman towards me . We 'd kissed a lot and often , eventually progressing to some mild and then intense petting , but he never pushed me for more than I was willing to give . I had no preconceived ideas on where or when we would finally go all the way , but I knew my first time would be with him and I hoped my experiences would only ever be with him . Eric and I were still going strong as we started our senior year until I started getting acceptance letters to the colleges my father had made me apply to . I didn 't want to go to any of them , telling Eric over and over that I just wanted to stay near him , but he started saying things like he ' didn 't want to hold me back ' and I ' had so much potential ' . He 'd been there to hear some of my father 's badgering about college and it seemed , ironically , they finally agreed on something . It was the first time Eric and I had actually fought with each other and it scared me to death . I refused to make a decision on any of the colleges I 'd been accepted to and both Gran and Eric quickly learned to stay neutral throughout . They were like Switzerland whenever my father would start lecturing me on what was best for me , like I didn 't know for my own self ! He 'd tell me what Eric and I had was nothing more than puppy love and how he wouldn 't let me ( Let me ! ) make a bad decision based solely on that , ruining the rest of my life . They remained mum whenever I fought back with how much Eric and I really loved each other and that I didn 't want to be so far away from him for that long . I didn 't want , or care , to go to a four year university and would happily take classes locally . I 'm pretty sure I saw steam shoot out of his ears when I told him if he didn 't like it and continued to push my buttons , I would just move in with Gran once I graduated as well . He knew who Gran 's other boarder would be . It was the second week in January when I 'd swung by Gran 's house after school . We 'd all spent Christmas and New Year 's celebrating together there , Eric included of course , and I 'd promised to help her put the decorations away . Eric had to work at Merlotte 's , so I was alone when I 'd entered the house and found Gran 's lifeless body lying on the worn linoleum floor in the middle of the kitchen . I barely had the wherewithal to dial 911 before I completely lost it and my father happened to be at Merlotte 's when he got the call over his police radio . Everyone there could hear what the dispatcher had said , so Eric jumped into the cruiser with him and thankfully my father allowed it . It took both of them to pry my arms from around Gran 's body as I begged her over and over to not leave me . She 'd been my only mother figure and when Eric carried me into the living room , he curled around my body on the couch sobbing just as hard as me , feeling the loss of the only mother figure he knew as well . My father was lost in his own grief and we couldn 't bring ourselves to leave what had been our second home that night , with the three of us sprawled out on her living room furniture . None of us slept a wink and the medical examiner later ruled her death was due to a heart attack . A large piece of my own heart was buried with her in the Sweet Home Cemetery next to the farmhouse three days later with the whole town coming out to bid her farewell . Daddy contemplated moving back into his childhood home and selling ours , since Gran 's house had been in the Stackhouse family for over 150 years , but it just wasn 't feasible . Gran had a small mortgage and property taxes , but Daddy had taken a lot of equity out of our house to help pay for all of my medical needs way back when I was younger and he couldn 't afford to keep both . The housing market had tanked nationwide , but there was no way he 'd be able to sell our house for what he owed on it and sadly had to put Gran 's house on the market where it was likely to sit for months . That also meant Eric no longer had any place to stay once he graduated from high school . He was still saving all of his money and since he had already turned eighteen , Eric knew his parents could legally kick him out whenever they wanted , so he made sure to stay out of their way and off of their radar . It was on the Friday night after Gran 's funeral that the rest of my world began to crumble apart . Eric had been working at Merlotte 's , like he did every Friday night , when his stepfather came in . Rene was an abusive alcoholic and when he got cut off from being served any more drinks a few hours later , he became belligerent . When the owner , Sam , threatened to call the police , Eric stepped in trying to diffuse the situation by offering to drive Rene home . He took Rene 's keys and stuffed him into the passenger seat to drive them home when , on the way there , he rolled through a stop sign and was pulled over by Andy Bellefleur . When he smelled the booze coming out of the car he made Eric do a field sobriety test , which he passed , and when Andy asked for permission to search the vehicle , Eric didn 't think anything of it , saying yes . The little bag of marijuana was located underneath the driver 's seat . There was only a negligible amount left inside , but it was enough to put Eric in handcuffs . Even though the car belonged to Rene , Eric was arrested for possession of an illegal narcotic because he was the operator of the vehicle and Rene was quick to throw him under the bus by saying it wasn 't his . When Andy called my father later on that night , telling him what happened , he was furious and forbid me to see Eric anymore . I begged and pleaded , yelled and screamed , saying Eric would never do something like that , but he wouldn 't listen . I didn 't hear from Eric all weekend long . There wasn 't a phone at his house and since he didn 't have a cell phone I never bothered asking for one either knowing I would only want to talk to Eric . My father watched me like a hawk , knowing I would bolt at the first opportunity , so I didn 't get to speak to him again until I saw him the following Monday at school . He explained everything that happened and I told him I never doubted him for a second , believing with all of my heart that he was innocent . Unfortunately , Eric 's mother believed Rene 's lies and with Gran gone , so was her offer of a place to stay . His mother was on the verge of kicking him out , so he was forced to make a deal with her saying if she would let him stay there until graduation he would enlist in the military and leave home immediately afterward . She 'd taken him to the Army Recruiting Station in Monroe the following morning and stood there watching as he signed on the dotted line , committing himself to six years in the military . He would be leaving the day after graduation . I immediately went into denial saying there had to be a way out of it . I 'd do whatever I could to find us a way out the mess we 'd been unwillingly thrust into , but Eric refused to even humor me . In all of the time we 'd known each other , he had never once lied to me and always told me the truth , no matter how much it might hurt me , and he didn 't make any exceptions that day either . I was inconsolable to the point where I couldn 't function at all and had to go to the guidance counselor 's office where I cried even more . Mrs . Fant , the school 's counselor , listened to my garbled sobs and patted and shushed me for most of the day . Eric had tried to check on me a few times only to be swatted right back out the door by Mrs . Fant . She , too , repeated the words my father had spoken to me over and over saying now was the time for me to think about what I wanted for my future and that while young love can seem quite genuine , it often fizzled out as you got older and figured out who you were always destined to be . I fought with her too saying that just because young love could be difficult , it didn 't make it any less real . My mind was in complete turmoil . I would wait for him forever if I had to , but all it would take was one word from Eric and I would run away with him in a heartbeat because it was my firm belief that I was destined to be with him . Even with those kinds of thoughts running through my head , a part of me took in what Mrs . Fant had been saying , although my heart and voice still protested her words . My new reality was , with Gran gone and the next six years of Eric 's life committed to the United States Army , I no longer had any reason to stay in Bon Temps , other than my father . We hadn 't been seeing eye to eye for a very long time and while I still loved him , I didn 't like him very much at the moment . I thought if we had some time and distance apart , perhaps I would come to like him again sooner rather than later . He was the only family I had left and I didn 't want to irrevocably damage our relationship . After talking it over with Eric the next day , I reluctantly agreed to accept the offer to attend LSU and I thought my father was on the verge of doing cartwheels across the house when I broke the news . He still refused to let me see Eric , but he couldn 't stop us from spending time together at school . It was the only time we could be together , but we each swore up and down that although we would be physically separated for a long while , we would still make every effort to see each other whenever it was possible . On the day of our graduation I stood there in my cap and gown trying to keep the tears at bay . I had no idea how I would be able to last without seeing Eric for such a long time . We 'd spent practically every day together for the previous twelve years and , remembering Mrs . Fant 's words , I couldn 't help but wonder if that day would be our last . I decided then and there that if it was to be our last day together , I wanted to have good memories to fall back on . " I 'll wait until he goes to sleep . Will you meet me by the stream behind Gran 's around midnight ? " It had become ' our spot ' after spending so many summer nights together there and my father was normally out for the night by ten , but I wanted to give myself extra time thinking he would likely be on alert knowing Eric would be leaving the following day . I could see the love he felt for me in his eyes so I had no doubts when I whispered back , " And bring some protection with you . " We 'd come close to going all the way a couple of times before my father forbid us to see one another , but it had been the lack of condoms that halted our progression . Neither one of us was ready or willing to chance an unplanned pregnancy at our age . As our names were called , each student traipsed across the stage to receive their diploma with some families cheering wildly for their son , daughter , brother , or sister . My father gave a shrill whistle when it was my turn , but I didn 't look his way . I blamed him for most of the heartache I 'd felt over the previous weeks and even though it would break my heart , if push came to shove and I was forced to choose between them , Eric would come out on top . Once the ceremony was over , I hugged Eric tightly and gave him a sad kiss before my father dragged me away . He wanted to take me to a celebratory dinner , but I begged off claiming to have a headache so he would take me home . I couldn 't hide the tears and my father knew better than to ask what was wrong with me , so I grabbed a book to drown my sorrows in while soaking in the tub . When the water turned cold , I reluctantly got out and put on my pajamas , climbing right into bed . It was barely 7 : 30 , but I didn 't want to sit with my father in the living room , giving him more of a reason to stay up . I 'd heard my father go into his room around ten and could hear his loud snores twenty minutes later , but I forced myself to stay still until he 'd been asleep for 30 minutes . I got up and quickly changed out of my pajamas a little before eleven and silently climbed out of my bedroom window . Our house was a couple of miles from Gran 's , which was still on the market . It would tear me up inside whenever it was finally sold and as soon as it came into view , my eyes smarted with tears recalling all of the wonderful memories of my time spent there . It wasn 't the time for that so I quickly wiped them away and took the well worn path through the fields to the stream . I was a half hour early so I was surprised to find Eric already waiting for me . He 'd thought to bring a blanket , which he was sitting on , spread out on the grass and a camping lantern because there was a new moon that night . " So are you , " he smirked . His voice was amused , but his face told me he was both nervous and happy . That made two of us . As soon as I was within reaching distance , he pulled me down onto his lap and kissed me like he hadn 't seen me in months . Suddenly I found a silver lining in our situation if kisses like that were what I had to look forward to . When we both needed to breathe , Eric buried his face into the side of my neck inhaling my scent and whispering , " I love you Sookie . Nothing can or will ever change that . " " I love you too . " I felt the tears spring up again so I fought them back by pulling Eric 's lips back to mine . What started out as a tender exchange quickly ignited into an inferno with our hands pulling at each other 's clothing , both wanting and needing more contact . His fingers rubbed along the length of my folds and he pulled himself up high enough to look at me , with hooded eyes , practically growling , " You 're so wet . " I didn 't have time to blush because his lips crashed back onto mine and I could feel how turned on he was . It was pressed against my inner thigh through his shorts . I 'd stroked along his length before , over his pants , and I had to admit I was intimidated and more than a little afraid of his size . I had nothing to compare it to , or any girlfriends to compare notes with , but I really didn 't see how that was going to fit inside of me . I was all for trying though so I reached down and unbuttoned his shorts , kicking them as far down as I could with my feet . His … manhood ? Burgeoning length ? Broad sword ? ( I read too many romance novels ) slapped against my leg and once I ran my hand along his newly dubbed , gracious plenty , it was apparent I hadn 't a clue as to the reality of what his pants actually contained until that moment . He was much larger than I 'd thought , but I was already committed to him and to seeing this through so I wrapped my hand around him at the base , firmly stroking up and causing his head to snap back with a hiss of pleasure . Hearing him making that sound and knowing I was the cause of it , turned me on even more . I increased the speed of my hand , rubbing the moisture pooling at the tip back over him on my downward stroke , while Eric 's mouth and fingers multitasked their way over my upper and lower halves . He slipped a finger inside of me making me gasp at first , but it soon turned into moans as he added a second finger . He continued thrusting them in sync with the strokes of my hand on him when I felt a pull in my lower abdomen as the multiple sensations ran through me . It continued to grow , making my movements more frantic and my pace increase , when his fingers ran over a spot inside of me catching us both by surprise as I screamed out with the pleasure that suddenly exploded through my body . Whatever I thought I 'd been doing in the shower or in my bed late at night was wrong . All wrong . What Eric had just done was right . All right . " I 'll say … " I giggled . He leaned down kissing me again until my toes curled , but I pulled away first , wanting to finish what we 'd started . His eyes furrowed slightly when he replied , " Yes , but are you sure you 're ready for this ? I don 't want you to feel like you have to do this just because I 'm leaving tomorrow . " He leaned down , pressing his lips against mine in a gentle kiss declaring , " I would wait forever for you . " I felt the tears trickle down into my hair at the sincerity in his voice and I responded , " Yes , I 'm sure . I 'm sure about you ; about us . I love you Eric and I want to experience everything that happens in a loving relationship with you . " Eric braced himself on his forearms above me , maneuvering his body until he was poised at my entrance , and slowly pushed inside of me . Both of us held our breath as he inched his way forward , stopping whenever I bit my lip at the stinging sensation I felt until my body slowly relaxed around him and then he would push forward again . It seemed to take forever until he was finally all the way inside of me and once the discomfort began to fade away , I urged him to start moving . Slowly he eased his way out before pushing back in and after a few thrusts the discomfort was replaced with pleasure , so I began to push my hips up against his . I could feel my inner muscles contracting around him and it only made my pace increase , wanting that feeling of euphoria again . Eric pushed his upper body up onto his hands , changing the angle of how our bodies met and the friction against my clit was unexpectedly welcomed . I could feel myself approaching the edge of bliss when I looked up to see Eric staring down at me . The love mixed with lust in his eyes as he stared back into my own was too much and I yelled out his name unable to keep my orgasm at bay for another second . It was enough for Eric to go over the edge with me as his whole body tensed and he grunted out my name with his release . " I love you too . " I couldn 't force the tears back no matter how much I tried , so Eric simply held me , allowing me to cry it all out . He 'd always hated seeing me cry , but in this instance he knew it was what I 'd needed to do . When the sky began to lighten we knew it was time to start heading back to town . Eric had brought his things with him so he could go straight to the bus stop after he walked me home and I cried all over again seeing that all of his belongings could fit into a duffle bag . He deserved so much more than the shitty life he 'd been born into and I had to force myself to stop crying so he could at least leave without his last memory of me being a tear covered wreck . " STOP IT DADDY ! " My nerves were raw , but seeing Eric 's smirk when I stomped my foot in frustration forced me to smile . We would be okay no matter what . " There 's the smile I wanted to see , " he said softly before leaning down and , given our present company , gave me a chaste kiss on the lips . " I 'll call you as soon as I can and I 'll write you too . " I could barely hold it together when I saw his eyes fill with tears as he said , " I love you , " before turning back towards town . " I love you too ! " I called out after him and he turned to give me one last wave goodbye before breaking into a jog as he turned the corner . I might have been able to handle it better if it weren 't for the tears I saw falling freely down his face and I crumpled to the ground sobbing . I pushed myself up off of the ground , glaring at him and said , " There 's nothing you can do about it . There 's nothing left for you to punish me with and I 'll be gone in a few months . Eric and I will be just fine , you 'll see . " We each returned to our metaphorical corners with me ignoring him as much as possible from then on . I would lie in bed crying every night , missing Eric and missing Gran . If she were still there , none of it would have happened . Eric would be living with her and she was the only one that could get Daddy to back down when he got as stubborn as he 'd been acting lately . Then another week went by , and another . With so much time on my hands , and no friends or family ( I was still mad at my father ) to occupy me , I had nothing to do but think . I couldn 't come up with any plausible excuses as to why Eric hadn 't contacted me in the time that he 'd been gone . I had a stack of letters I 'd written to him , one for every day he 'd been gone , ready to mail out , but I had no address to send them to . I knew better than to go ask his mother if she 'd heard from him so I was left at a complete loss on what to do or who to contact . The faith I had in him , in us , was slowly fading ; something I 'd never fathomed was even possible . I started spending my days in bed , unwilling to face the world , and tried to lose myself in my dreams of happier times spent with Eric . My weight dropped when I lost my appetite and the most interaction I got from the outside world came from the television I blankly stared at for hours on end , not taking in anything playing out on the screen . I was too numb to even maintain my hostility towards my father , but couldn 't muster up much more than the occasional grunt in reply to whatever question he 'd ask me . I knew he was worried about the change in my demeanor , but I didn 't care enough … to care . Never in my life had I felt so alone . In what had to be a desperate attempt to draw me out of my shell , he sat down on my bed one evening saying , " It 's probably all for the best . " I didn 't bother asking him what he was referring to because I already knew ; Eric . " He 's a boy from a small town that 's finally gone out into the world , seeing everything it has to offer . It would only be natural for someone to want to experience everything out there and , in doing so , sometimes time slips away and feelings change . You 'll see when you start college in a few weeks . You 'll be so busy with your classes and making new friends , that you won 't even notice he 's not around anymore . " Now , here I was back out at the fairgrounds where we 'd first met . I didn 't realize I 'd been crying while I reminisced over our lives together until I saw the front of my shirt was soaking wet from my tears . I saw the lifeguard stand a few feet away , barely seven feet off the ground , and could hardly believe I 'd once thought it so tall . I would be leaving in a few short days to go down to LSU to get settled before classes started the following week , so I saw it as my last opportunity to say goodbye to Eric . I pushed up off of the ground and dusted myself off before walking over and climbing up the narrow stairs to the top . As I stood on the ' balcony ' I 'd imagined as a young girl , I found it ironic that I 'd once called us Romeo and Juliet thinking it was a love story with a happy ending . Of course I knew better now and a stray tear ran down my cheek realizing Eric and I wouldn 't be having one either , but I wouldn 't be bitter about it . Even knowing how everything turned out , I would do it all over again choosing to just be grateful I 'd once had him in my life . I was still in love with him , despite everything , but even if that somehow changed , I knew he would always own a piece of my heart . I stepped off the bus with my duffle bag thrown over my shoulder and headed towards Sookie 's house doing double time . Almost nine weeks had passed since we 'd said our tearful goodbyes without a word from her . I wrote her everyday and anxiously awaited her replies , only to be disappointed over and over when I didn 't get so much as a postcard . When my letters started coming back to me marked ' Return to Sender ' I knew something was wrong , so I called her house at the first opportunity I had . Basic training was no joke and we didn 't have any free time at the beginning , but as the weeks passed by we slowly earned more liberties , like using the phone . I tried calling during different times of the day , different days of the week , but each and every time her father would answer the phone . Each and every time I would ask to speak to Sookie , and each and every time he would tell me that she didn 't want to speak to me . I didn 't believe him for a second . Somehow he 'd managed to intercept my mail and keep her from answering the phone . Let 's see if he could keep her from answering the door . I was worried to death that she was left thinking I 'd forgotten all about her . I knew how lonely I 'd felt not being able to talk to or hear from her in the two months I 'd been gone , but I also knew it was her father 's doing . She likely had no clue the lengths he would go to , to keep us apart and I would be damned if I 'd let it continue on . I figured she 'd be leaving for college soon and he would never give me her address there , so as soon as I graduated basic training I hopped onto the first bus back home , on leave for a few days until I had to depart for my first assignment . I learned firsthand how difficult it was not being with Sookie for such a long time and I didn 't like it at all . I missed her so much and wanted for us to be together all the time , so after another failed attempt at calling her one night , I looked on the internet and saw that LSU offered many of their courses online . Sookie could still attend college from anywhere in the world as long as there was internet service . My first assignment in the army would be at Stuttgart Army Airfield , in Baden - Wuerttemberg , Germany and I wanted her to come with me so we could explore everything together like we 'd always imagined . " You 're going to ruin her life . She has a chance to go to college and experience the world . If you love her as much as you claim to , why would you want to take that away from her ? " " Sheriff , I know how much you love your daughter and that you only want what 's best for her , but I love her too . From that very first day when we 'd met at the carnival , I knew there was something different about her . She was sweet and caring , and for whatever reason decided I was worthy of being her friend . She was the first person that made me feel like I mattered with the smile that would always light up her face whenever she saw me . She never judged me for what I lacked in material things , but based on who I was inside . " " She learned it from your mother , " I raised my eyebrow at him knowing she didn 't learn it from him before continuing . " Gran was the first adult in my life to care enough to bother trying to figure out what was wrong with me and then go to the trouble to fix it . Without her , I don 't know that I 'd be able to read even now and before her , there were many nights that I went to bed hungry because my mother spent her last dollar at a bar trying to pick up a new guy . Don 't you see that your family is my family . How could I not fall in love with your daughter when my entire life has revolved around her ? She 's like the sun my world orbits around and there 's nothing I wouldn 't do for her ; no sacrifice I wouldn 't make . So if you can look me in the eye and honestly tell me that she 's been doing fine without me in the time that I 've been gone , I 'll turn around and never darken your doorstep again . " I watched as he contemplated everything after I 'd bared my soul to him and just when I thought he might end up closing the door in my face he said , " She 's been miserable . She won 't eat , she barely speaks . It 's like she 's dead inside and it 's killing me . " My heart broke all over again , but I knew this was my one shot at getting him to finally see me as someone worthy of his daughter 's attention . " Mr . Stackhouse , I love your daughter with all of my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with her . I know she values your opinion so I 'm asking you for your daughter 's hand in marriage . I 'll ask her to marry me , with or without your approval , but I 'd like it just the same and I know it would mean the world to her . " I was thankful I 'd already checked it out , so I didn 't hesitate when I replied , " LSU offers full courses online . She can still attend college no matter where we are . And I know that we 're still young , and I don 't think we 'll have an easy time of it , but I love your daughter enough to make whatever sacrifice I have to so we can be together . I 'm not a bad person … " His chest rose and fell with the huge sigh he let out and answered , " I know you 're not . You probably haven 't heard , but your stepfather got arrested last week for distributing illegal narcotics . He was within a thousand yards of a school too , so he won 't be seeing the free world for a few years . I don 't believe the marijuana in his car was yours and I don 't believe you 'd hurt my daughter . She was always full of sunshine when you were around , but since you 've been gone you can barely see her though the clouds . I want to see her shine again so if you want my seal of approval , you 've got it . " A feather could have knocked me down at that moment . I never thought he 'd actually agree and only hoped for a begrudging ' I 'll kill you if you hurt her ' type of consent . If it weren 't for the handshake he then gripped me with , I probably would have fallen over from the shock . I dropped my bag on the porch yelling out , " Thanks Mr . Stackhouse ! " as I took off running in the direction he 'd pointed towards . I kept running for miles , calling out her name , until I reached the fairgrounds . She was standing at the top of the lifeguard stand with her eyes closed , facing the sun . It was the exact same picture I 'd seen on the first day we 'd met and I was drawn towards her now just as much as I had been back then . The only difference was today I could tell she 'd been crying . So I did . I told her everything that happened since I 'd been gone and I had every one of the letters I 'd written to her in my duffle bag back at her house . The more I talked , the more her face seemed to brighten and when I was through , I waited patiently for her to process it all . " I kept waiting to hear from you , some sign or acknowledgement that you were still thinking of me , and when I didn 't , my mind conjured up all kinds of reasons why . Just today , it settled on believing that our relationship would never progress beyond childhood sweethearts , no matter how much my heart tells me I 'm wrong . " She looked into my eyes and asked , " Am I wrong ? " I knelt down on the ground in front of her and pulled out the small engagement ring I 'd bought using the money I 'd saved from my pocket . Holding it up I said , " All I know is that we belong together ; I know that I could never be happy without you by my side ; I know that I love you more than life itself . Will you marry me Sookie ? " Mindy says : May 24 , 2013 at 4 : 31 am I really liked this story a lot . I read it before going to bed and had the sweetest dreams . It was a beautiful story of young love and fighting for it . Perfect ! kleannhouse says : August 9 , 2013 at 3 : 00 pm that was wonderful , i had forgotten that one and how it ended . i was hoping not tragic like Romeo and Juliet . thanks for sharing Kristie Trish says : September 9 , 2013 at 12 : 05 am I 'm not sure how I missed this one before ! It was perfect and now my pillow is wet and more than likely a little slimy too . I don 't care what you write , I love it all ! valady1 says : December 25 , 2013 at 5 : 17 am How did I miss this ? It 's sweet and poignant , and the ultimate happy ending for them . Love it . murgatroid98 says : June 1 , 2014 at 11 : 55 am Aww . I hadn 't read this one . After your win for it I had to look it up . It was fabulous . I wanted to lay an iron skillet upside her father 's head there for a while though . chocorich99 says : January 8 , 2015 at 7 : 44 am Love story indeed . Bittersweet . A tear run down from my eyes as I reach the ending . DISCLAIMER My fanfiction stories are derivative and / or transformative not - for - profit works , based off of characters created by Charlaine Harris , from her Sookie Stackhouse Series . The characters ' names ( and sometimes their locations and backgrounds ) are her babies . But how I play with them here , in my rainbow colored world , are my own . WordPress . com Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . The TB / SVM Writers Directory : Fangfuckingtastic FanFictionficlit78Come for the TB smut , stay for the AB NegCalifornia KatA Writer of True Blood / SVM FanFictionBrainmates FictionStories written by Makesmyheadspin & Scribeninja can be found here . Welcome ! Dirty LemonsWhere porn and angst collide . Missy DeeMakesmyheadspin " Be still when you have nothing to say ; when genuine passion moves you , say what you 've got to say , and say it hot . " - D . H . LawrenceEricIzMine FanFiction |
Mark Gordon was an actor and a casting couch slut . All he knew was that generally it worked and it got him parts so who was he to worry about a few blow jobs and ass fucks if he could work as an actor . It had been easy enough that the ends justified the means and Mark had ignored the little inner voice that kept saying , you are a whore . Mark wasn 't sure what had gone wrong with his current gig . The deal had been that the director of the film Mark would be appearing in simply would want an occasional blow job and Mark had been sure that wouldn 't be a big deal especially since the part he was cast for was so good and would advance his career . The problem was that from the beginning this director , Alex Moran , had threatened Mark with either being fired or with having the whole industry know about his whoring ways if Mark didn 't do exactly as Alex wanted . Alex sure did want , blow jobs in the morning , in the afternoon and quick ass fucks on breaks . What was even worse was that Alex was sharing Mark with his friends . He 'd become sort of a reward too for some and so when Mark was told to do whatever someone wanted that was it , he had to to it . It wasn 't as if Mark didn 't also have a full and rather adventurous sex life outside of the casting room . He often frequented the most exclusive gay bars and clubs and regularly hooked up with Hollywood 's best and brightest as well as a few not so bright along the way as well as a few experiments in group sex . Mark was very good looking , a tall , thin man with thick black hair , a patrician nose and a pretty face . He had a big dick too and was well known for how well he used it . Mark wasn 't one to settle down though so he 'd left a string of broken hearts across Hollywood . Still there seemed an endless supply of pretty boys to choose from . Life would be perfect when his current film was finished and he could officially get away from Alex . About two weeks before the film was scheduled to wrap , Alex told Mark that he 'd be going to a party with him on a Friday night . He would be Alex 's personal slave for the night and that would mean wearing a collar and leash and being treated like a slave . Mark had accompanied Alex to two previous parties as his slave and hadn 't found it particularly difficult or humiliating . Mostly he received compliments from Alex 's friends telling Alex what a pretty slut he had . This seemed to make Alex happy so what was the harm ? On the Friday night of the party , Mark drove to Alex 's house and Alex had him dress in skin tight black leather pants , no shirt or shoes and a studded leather collar and leash . Mark zoned out on the way , noticing only that they were traveling high up into the Hollywood hills . The party would be A - list and top of the line . Maybe Mark would meet a few people and make the night worthwhile . When they arrived , Alex insisted that Mark get on all fours and crawl that way to the front entry . This was new . Usually he was allowed to walk . He was also to remain a few steps behind Alex but not enough that the leash would be pulled tight . " Yes , he is . Mark will be leaving me in a couple of weeks so I thought I 'd send him off well . He 's the entertainment tonight . " " Oh , I 'm delighted to hear that , " the man said . " This is going to be a fun evening . Please help yourself to drinks before the festivities begin . " As Mark listened to them talk he wondered what on earth Alex meant by him being the entertainment . Alex hadn 't mentioned anything about entertaining anyone . Was he going to have to suck off Alex in public or something ? He was grateful when Alex gave him a double martini which he quickly downed making Alex chuckle . Alex gave him another double martini and watched him gulp that one too and decided to give him one more so he 'd be more relaxed . He told the bartender to make it very strong . Mark drank it and said , " Well . " Mark felt pretty drunk from the drinks he 'd consumed but he crawled on his hands and knees and followed Alex . He noticed other slaves there , most of them just kneeling next to their master 's , and a couple of them giving blow jobs . Mark was a little worried though since he was the only slave being led away from the main party . They entered another room , not quite as large as the main party room . Mark was led into the middle of the room . There were a lot of men there , mostly standing in a circle around him now . Most of them had drinks in their hands and seemed to be pretty drunk . There was a chorus of " ahs " as he was led into the center of the room . There were a few comments like , " he 's so pretty , " " look at that ass , " and " I want to fuck that mouth . " Mark wished he could have another drink . Alex noticed Marks discomfort and gave him another fortified martini and told him to drink the whole think quickly . Then he smiled to the group and introduced the entertainment . " This is Mark , my personal slut . He 's a good whore and I know for a fact that he really likes sucking dick . He really likes being fucked too although I thinks he prefers being the one doing the fucking . Sorry , Mark , not tonight . For tonight you will be fucked and you will enjoy every moment of it . Do you understand ? " " My dear slut , you will not only do the whole room but probably most of the other room too and probably more than once . You are the entertainment and I expect you to entertain . Do me proud , slut . " He dropped the leash and Mark looked at him like he was crazy . He noticed that the men had pulled their dicks out and were stroking them . Mark just knelt there not sure what he was supposed to do . Alex slapped him hard across the face . He dropped the leash and said , " Start sucking , slut . Let the games begin . " The men moved in closer to Mark . Many cheered and laughed and egged Mark on . Come on , slut , suck . A chorus began , " Suck , suck , suck . " Finally a man grabbed Mark by the hair , told him to open his mouth , then shoved his dick down Mark 's throat and started roughly fucking his mouth . Mark knew how to deep throat but he couldn 't keep up with the pace of the man fucking his mouth . He felt his hair grabbed as he was pulled off the first man 's dick and another dick shoved in his mouth , this one larger than the last and it was way down his throat . He gagged and the man he was sucking was impatient and said , " Come on , slut , you know how to suck dick , so fucking suck it . " He held on to Mark 's head and thrust his dick in his mouth over and over and over again , not caring that Mark was gagging . " Again , another pair of hands pulled him by the hair to yet another dick awaiting his mouth . This man fucked his mouth shallowly but fast . He kept slapping Mark 's face , calling him a filthy slut and nothing more than a cum receptacle . " I want to cum in your filthy mouth you filthy whore and I hope you choke on it , slut . " With that , the man intensified his thrusts and went deep into Mark 's throat and after a minute of furious thrusting came into Mark 's throat with a yell and said , " Drink it , slut , swallow it all you piece of shit . " There was a roar of cheers in the room . Mark swallowed and before he was even done he felt another dick in his mouth , thrusting hard into his already sore mouth . He heard someone yell , " Take his pants off and a really loud cheer and felt hands unzipping him and pulling down his tight pants . He was on his knees and felt very vulnerable . He dick was hard and he wondered how his body could betray him at a moment like this . He heard someone yell , " I 'm going to fuck him , " and felt his legs being spread . Someone was kicking them apart and then he felt someone between his legs and a couple of fingers in his ass . He tried to say , lube , but the dick in his mouth muffled what he was saying . He heard a man spit and felt the spit on his ass then felt a cock at the opening . It went in slowly at first then he heard the man say " Fuck it , " and he pushed in hard all the way . His dick felt huge as the man started thrusting into him hard and saying , " Fucking tight hole , that 's good , slut , won 't be this tight for very long though . " The man heard Mark scream around the dick in his mouth and said , " What 's the matter , whore , you must be used to being lubed . Don 't worry , there 's gonna be so much come in your ass you won 't notice anymore . " There were more cheers for that and the men egged the guy on telling him to fuck him good and show him who owns the entertainment . In a few minutes the man was close to coming and told the roomful of men that he was christening this slut 's ass . He shot deep into Mark but Mark didn 't even notice since the current dick in his mouth was coming at the same time and almost choking him . As soon as the man pulled out of his mouth another dick replaced it . Mark had lost count somewhere in the teens as to how many dicks he had serviced . His jaw ached and he didn 't know how long he could keep it up . When the first man finished coming he pulled out and another was there immediately and shoving his dick in deep . His ass was cum filled so the dick went in much easier and it didn 't hurt . Mark gave thanks for small things . After an hour or two of this with no end in sight , Mark had to pee . He 'd had all those drinks . There was no way he could communicate this though since he was filled with dick continuously , front and back so he finally just started peeing involuntarily . Someone noticed and everyone stopped for a moment and just watch Mark pee on the carpet . A voice said , " Oh you 're gonna pay for that . No one gave you permission to pee . " A man stepped up to Mark , put his dick in his mouth and peed into his mouth . Mark was humiliated . The man told him to swallow it and slapped him hard across the face . Someone else slapped his ass hard several times . Another man did the same thing , peeing copiously into Mark 's open mouth . He felt a dick in his ass and felt the piss enter his ass . Someone thoughtfully put down a plastic cover for the floor , and a large bowl under Mark 's ass to catch the fluids that would be seeping from his body . After a few more men peed into Mark , they got back to the fucking and sucking in earnest . The men took turns and finally most of them starting coming either into Mark 's mouth or ass . New men entered the room seeking out the great entertainment they 'd been hearing about . Some of the slave owners were discussing having their own slave do an entertainment in the future . They had their slaves come into the room to watch and learn . Mark hadn 't seen Alex for several hours when he found him right in front of him and thrusting his dick into his mouth . He started fucking Mark 's mouth hard and told Mark that he was a filthy whore and his own personal fuck toy but that he was a pretty whore . Alex stroked Mark 's face gently as he called him a pretty whore then slapped him violently as he told him how dirty and low he was . " You have really lived up to your potential tonight , slut . Your ass and your mouth were made to take load after load of cum . You can do this all night and probably all day tomorrow . " Mark was trying to shake his head ' no , ' and moaning in pain , and was in fact terrified that this might go on for much longer than he could take it . " Please , " he tried to get out . " Please , no more . " Alex had pulled his dick out to hear what Mark was saying . When he heard it , he laughed loudly and gleefully and shoved his dick roughly back into Mark 's mouth . " Slut , you have just begun . Maybe you need another couple of drinks . Would you like that ? Start with my cum though , it should be enough . " Mark collapsed to the floor but he was roughly picked up by the hair again and another dick shoved down his throat . Someone got a large ottoman and covered it in plastic then had Mark lean over it so that he was in a perfect position to be fucked both front and back . About five hours had passed and Mark had fucked and sucked over a hundred men most of them both sucked and fucked . The only people left now were the diehards , those who still wanted a first go and those who wanted sloppy seconds or even thirds . A few just wanted to jack off and come on Mark . His back was covered in come as was his face . Some men would come into his throat then pull out and paint streaks on his face . Someone put his dick in Mark 's ass and started fucking him but complained he was too slippery . A couple of men fixed that by pissing up his ass and cleaning him up . The friction was much better though it hurt Mark again until there was more cum in him . Mark was exhausted and only went on because the ottoman held him up and the men held his head as they fucked his mouth . Someone mentioned that Mark seemed a little listless and needed some perking up . They decided to give him a little break and an orgasm or two and something to drink . They made him a cum cocktail with a shitload of vodka and several men started sucking on Mark 's much admired huge dick . Mark was so turned on that he came embarrassingly quickly , pumping his come down someone 's throat . It did feel good and when someone started stroking him he quickly became hard again . A man decided to impale himself on his dick and then another wanted to , and another , until Mark had fucked about ten men without yet coming again . They took bets as to how long he 'd last and finally after at least twenty men had fucked him , Mark came into an anonymous asshole . They forced him to drink his special drink of cum and piss and vodka . Many hands held his head , tilting it back and pouring the drink down his throat . He gagged but kept it down . Someone remarked that it was a shame to waste such a fine mixture and so another extra large , extra vodka enhanced cum drink was made and forced down Mark 's throat . Then someone took a bottle of vodka and just started pouring it down his throat , probably a third of a bottle . The thinking was that if he was drunk he wouldn 't care and would take better care of them . They chased the vodka with more straight cum for energy . Mark felt himself being pulled back onto the ottoman and felt hands pulling his hair and then they shoved a dick in his mouth . At the same time he felt another dick start to fuck him . After five or six guys had fucked his ass and come a couple of men decided they wanted to fuck him together , to stretch him wide and put two dicks in his ass . Mark heard them and tried to get the dick out of his mouth and tell them no , please , not that . He started panicking , but several strong pairs of hands held his head while someone tied his hands behind his back and held him down by his shoulders . Someone slapped him hard and he calmed down . He felt very drunk and almost didn 't care what they did at this point . He felt a dick in his ass , then felt another trying to squeeze in next to it . It hurt like hell but his scream was muffled by yet another thick dick reaming his throat hard . He felt the second dick move farther in as his ass accommodated both dicks . Soon they were both fucking his ass in concert , grunting and groaning the whole time , and talking about what a very fine ass it was . One man came and pulled out then the other fucked Mark hard yelling as he came . Others followed suit and double fucking continued with the men sandwiching Mark between them them pushing their dicks into him . The mouth fucker was loudly telling him what a disgusting cum bucket he was . He heard someone yell , " He 's disgusting all right , but he sure is pretty . God look at him fuck that mouth . C ' mon fuck it harder ! " The man was encouraged and tilted Mark 's head way back then started fucking his mouth by thrusting straight down into it and hard . Mark couldn 't move his head at all and started moaning . The man and others took it to mean that he loved it and cheered the man on and roared when he came , dick stuffed balls deep into that pretty mouth . He pumped hard as copious amounts of come went down Mark 's throat and overflowed into his mouth . When the man was done he pulled out and saw the come running down Mark 's chin . He slapped Mark viciously , once across each side of his face and told him he didn 't follow instructions by swallowing it all . Mark wanted to cry and felt tears well up . What did it take to please these men and how much more did they and Alex expect him to take ? He noticed there were a lot less men there now and felt a glimmer of hope that maybe it would end soon . Hopefully everyone was fucked out . They were still fucking him of course but it did go a little faster with being double fucked . He didn 't know how much time had passed but it seemed like forever . Actually it was about eight hours and close to 200 men . What Mark didn 't know was that there was another surprise waiting for him . Alex entered the room and told the men there to wind it down at the hosts request since it was now so late . They groaned and a few more men joined them wanting to get the final suck and orgasm of the night . About 30 men surrounded Mark and they started jacking off . They had turned Mark over and laid him on his back . He was too tired to protest and just lay there looking up at all the men still surrounding him but grateful that he didn 't have to endure them all fucking him . This would be it for the night . The men jacked off and started coming , painting Marks 's chest , his dick , his face . A couple of men straddled Mark , shoved their dicks in his throat and came . A few jacked off then quickly put their dicks in Mark 's ass , groaning as they came deep inside him . Finally the last man had finished and Mark was covered , sticky and disgusting as he just lay there unable to move at all . A few men spit on him , a few kicked him , calling him a dirty slut . Some called him a good whore , some a pretty whore and one man pissed on his stomach . Mark felt the piss and come running off of his stomach and pool under his back and ass . He closed his eyes , he was humiliated . The host was having a large houseparty so a lot of the men were staying over . He had also invited Alex who had agreed . It was about four a . m . when Alex roused Mark who had fallen asleep for about half an hour . " Come with me Mark . You 're a sticky mess . " Mark led him outside to a secluded lawn area and told him to kneel down . " Be a good slut and do as I say . You are here to serve me and I 've found a way for you to continue to serve me and my host . You should be honored to be of such service to us and to these men here . " Alex was pointing at a group of men who were walking towards him and were now surrounding him . Mark was terrified and wanted to cry and scream and say no . Alex saw the look on his face and said , " If you don 't do what I tell you , you can kiss your career goodbye . Do we understand each other ? " Mark nodded ' yes , ' as a tear rolled down and around the streaks of cum on his face . " Good morning gentlemen . My host told me that you 're here on a limited time frame since you 'll need to begin work in about three hours . He told me that you all deserved a reward for such good service to him , so I present you with my private slave , my slut , who will satisfy you 're every desire . Mark realized that these men were his host 's servants , his paid servants , the gardeners , the butler , all of them . He 's had kind of a long night and needs to be washed down before you use him , but he 'll be good to go as soon as you clean him up the way I suggested you should . The men moved in closer to Mark . The pulled their dicks from their pants and started a steady stream of piss on all sides of him , from top to bottom . Since there were about 40 men there was ample piss to clean him off . The come and piss merged and ran off into the perfectly groomed lawn . When they were done , two men with towels wiped Mark down . Alex brought Mark a bottle of vodka and made him drink down gulp after gulp . He wanted to keep him as drunk as possible . Mark was quite drunk still and was exhausted so he just knelt there unsure of what would happen next . He figured they 'd picked a secluded area for a reason . The men slowly started surrounding Mark , moving into a tight circle around him . A man grabbed his head by the hair and shoved a dick down his throat . A loud cheer went up from the crowd as the man fucked his mouth hard laughing as he did so . " Hey , he doesn 't feel any different than the two bit whores I 've run into , " the man said . " He is a pretty whore though . Such a pretty mouth . Suck my dick hard , whore . Yeah , baby , hard . Pretty eyes too . I 'd like to come all over them . " " My turn , " another man said and roughly pulled Mark away and shoved his dick in his mouth . Someone put a couple of fingers up Mark 's ass and said , " Feels pretty big in there but I 'm gonna give it a fuck and see . " He kicked Mark 's legs apart saying , " Open ' em up , bitch . I bet you can 't get enough dick in you , huh ? " The man slammed his dick up Mark 's ass and began pumping hard . " Not bad at all considering , " the man said , " Tight enough to fuck good and hard . " The man held tight onto Mark 's hips and thrust into him rapidly and deeply over and over again . Men cheered him on has he reamed Mark 's ass , fucking him savagely , hard enough for Mark to moan through the dick in his mouth . Mark felt it all right and it hurt like hell . It 's impossible to have 200 dicks up your ass and not have it hurt . The man was relentless too , it went on and on , with wild cheers egging him on , telling him to tear Mark apart with his huge dick , to show him what really being fucked was like . Finally the man got close to coming and started pumping harder if that was possible . The man was standing now and he was holding Mark 's ass up so high that only his toes touched the ground . He held on to Mark 's hips , bruising them as he pounded into him furiously , finally coming , saying , " There , there , you slut , fucking take that you fucking cum bucket , piece of shit . So fuckin ' good , baby . Deep , baby , way deep . Fuck yeah . " ' Mark was barely standing , barely stayed on balance . He was basically being held up by the head by the man now coming down his throat . When he was done both men pulled out and Mark collapsed on the wet grass . Someone brought over a small table and Mark was placed on the table so that his ass was on the edge on one end and his head hung backwards over the other end . He didn 't exactly feel comfortable but it was easier then trying to stand up . Someone stepped up to his head , held it tight and thrust a dick in his mouth , thrusting down roughly , grunting the whole time . Two men , one on either side of him pulled his legs back to his chest and held them there . His ass was totally exposed now and at the perfect height for the men to stand and fuck him hard . The same with his mouth , it was at the perfect height . And so it went on , one after another the men sucked and fucked Mark . He ass was filled with cum and he could feel it dripping out even while being fucked , there was just so much of it . His hole was stretched out , huge and gaping with cum running out . The men started double stuffing him too since it made for a tighter fit . At one point someone tried to put a third dick in his hole and sort of succeeded . He got it in between the other two which were shoved deep inside and he was able to fuck shallowly . Everyone cheered though at the effort . After about two hours everyone had fucked him and they were on rounds two and three . A few early risers from the house found them and joined in the fucking , sipping coffee while they waited . Mark was barely awake , barely aware of what was happening anymore . He didn 't suck their dicks anymore , he just let them fuck his mouth and tried to swallow when they came . And his ass just got fucked , one man right after the other . A man pulled out and another man shoved back in , It was non - stop fucking , seamless . They were well into sloppy thirds when the majority of the men had to leave and start work . A few lingered and jacked off , coming all over Mark . One told someone fucking him to move because he wanted to come inside Mark . A couple came in his ass together , and one man got next to the guy fucking Mark 's mouth and shoved his dick in and came while the other man fucked it . It was about eight in the morning and the host 's staff had left him on the table , covered in cum , head hanging over the edge of the table , his mouth open as if ready to suck more dicks , and his legs now over the other edge of the table while cum dripped slowing from his hole . Mark was barely conscious . He had been fucked hundreds of time by well over 200 men , very close to 250 men . His body felt like it had been fucked that hard and it hurt . " I think I have just the thing that will help , " his host said , and showed Alex the drug . " This should do the trick and it won 't kill him . My house guests would so appreciate this . It 'll make it a real weekend to remember and the best entertainment ever . That honor would be yours , Alex . You have the best slut . " Alex finally agreed remembering that he had very little time left with Mark and that anyway Mark deserved to be used this way . He had dissolved the uppers that would allow Mark to continue servicing the guests in a glass of water . He pulled Mark up by the hair , tilted his head back and make him drink the whole glass of water and drugs . " You 'll feel better soon , slut , and be ready to be of service again . " Alex got a hose from the gardeners and hosed Mark down as he lay on the table . He turned him over and hosed his backside and his ass and finally washed out his hair too . " We want you fairly clean for the A - listers , " he told Mark who barely heard him . After 15 minutes or so Mark opened his eyes . He saw sun filtering through the trees . He looked down and saw that he 'd been cleaned off and almost cried thinking that finally he could go home and try and put this whole night behind him , try and forget the whole thing happened and never again allow himself to be blackmailed . He had hope and he felt remarkably energetic considering what he 'd been through . He wondered how many men had fucked him . His ass hurt like hell . He wouldn 't let anyone fuck him for a long , long time . He could feel that his hands were still tied and he wondered why if the ordeal was over . He saw Alex walking toward him carrying what looked like food . Mark realized how hungry he was . Alex had brought him some of last night 's leftovers and they were delicious even if eaten a little bit late . Mark was feeling even better now and actually energetic . When he was done eating Alex told Mark to put down the plate and follow him into the house . Mark still had his collar on and Alex put the leash on and had Mark walk behind him as a sign of respect . The house was quiet but it was still very early . Alex led Mark down a series of hallways and stairs and Mark wondered why they weren 't just leaving . He stopped and asked Alex where they were going . Alex told him they were going to say goodbye to their host . Mark thought it was an awfully large house but shrugged . At long as they were leaving who cared . Alex led Mark into a fairly small room with a number of apparatuses arranged around the room . They were a variety of restraints . Mark cringed when he saw them and panicked and tried to leave the room . Alex and his host who was waiting for them took Mark by the shoulders and forced him over to a stockade device . They untied his arms and were able to get him arms and head into the device and lock it before he could get away from them . Alex said to him , " There is one more phase to the entertainment portion of this weekend and you are it . An afternoon into evening party will start in a few hours . In the meantime , the guests from last night who stayed over would like another go at you . You should be proud you impressed them so much , Mark . Be a proud slut and do your job . If your energy wanes I have just what you need to restore it . And never forget , Mark , that it is still your reputation on the line . You either service the guests or your career ends . It is your choice . Mark understood then that he 'd been drugged . Had to be uppers to feel so energetic . He knew he couldn 't quit now and lose everything , not after all that he 'd gone through . Maybe the drugs could get him through . He wasn 't sure if his body would hold up though . His ass was sore and felt raw . He was sure he 'd been torn up some last night . He asked Mark if he could not be in the devices , if in fact he could just be in a regular room for the entertainment . So Mark was taken back to the original party room from the prior evening , all cleaned up now . A space was prepared for him and a table brought in . His hand were firmly tied in front of him , then tied around his back so that he could not use his arms or hands at all . Mark was helpless . A cushion had been placed on the table and he was positioned in place as he lay down . The first men started trickling in , those from last night . They were drinking coffee and talking amongst themselves . One was still eager for another piece of Mark and walked right up to him , spread his legs and thrust his dick into him , humming the whole time he fucked him . Since there were only a few men there he had the luxury of a long fuck . It was a hard fuck for Mark though since the only lube was remnants of last night 's cum still in his ass . Someone took his mind off his ass though when they straddled his chest , picked up his head and started fucking his mouth while talking to him the whole time saying how great he was at entertaining them all and what a good slut he was and of course how pretty and how much he appreciated coming in his mouth like this , and oh , how good is that and then slapping his face hard and saying he had to because he didn 't swallow it all . There was a drop on his lips . Once the guy up his ass came , fucking became easier once the cum , well , started coming . He could feel it running out when someone pulled out and then continue in a steady drip after that . But there was always more to replace it and his ass felt pretty much okay . He hoped it wasn 't the drugs making him feel that . Once the new guests started arriving , there was a steady stream of men in to be entertained . There was a long winding line to both his ass and his mouth . Others hovered around him , helping to keep his legs up and apart for easier fucking and those biting and torturing his nipples and even his dick . Some sucked on his dick for a while . Others jacked it , hoping to see him come . Some got pissed off when they couldn 't make him come and they slapped it making him scream around dick currently fucking his mouth . Finally someone sucked him long enough and he groaned long and loud as he finally came , clenching down on his ass making the man fucking him come too . The long lines continued as the afternoon wore on . The desire to get to him and use him was so intense that the second a dick pulled out another replaced it immediately . Some shared and double stuffed both his mouth and his ass . There was no let up for hours and Mark took dick after dick . At one point in the afternoon , Alex brought Mark another drug cocktail and made him drink it . It kept him going . A few women attended the party . They were quite interested in the slut and very admiring of his beauty . They played with his dick and sucked it but were dismayed because it was so large . One woman though wanted to feel that dick inside her . The men told her that this guy liked dick and not women but she wanted to try anyway . The woman was wearing a short skirt and no underwear . She got up on the table , stroked Mark 's dick for a minute then lowered herself onto it . Mark actually thought it felt pretty good and started shoving up into her . She liked that and started forcefully fucking his dick . She came all at once loudly and for a long time . Mark enjoyed that and it brought him to orgasm as he thrust up into her until he came pumping his come into her vagina . It was his first vagina . The men all laughed but kept on doing Mark . At one point Alex slipped in and fucked Mark 's mouth , asking him how he liked it , didn 't that feel and taste good to a slut , and telling him that he wasn 't bad at all for being such a slut , and that Alex had always known what a cum bucket Mark really was , wasn 't he glad he 'd finally proven it . He told him he 'd been born to do this , he was a natural , dirty and disgusting yes , but a natural . When he came he told Mark to " Drink it , slut , all of it and thank me for giving it to you . " Dinnertime came and went and while the line was shorter it still continued . Once in a while Mark would open his eyes and look around . He could see the long lines going out the door . He could see people milling around out there . He also saw a video cam was in the room and someone was taping today 's show . God , he hoped they wouldn 't show his face . Please , God , not that . He wondered what they were going to do with the tape . He found it was better just to keep his eyes closed and just feel the dicks shoving into him and pulling out of him , one after the other , seamlessly , like one dick that never stopped fucking him . He swore though that this was way more men than last night . But last night had been a circle and tougher to gauge . There had to be hundreds of people here . How was that possible . He couldn 't fuck them all , could he ? At least his ass wasn 't hurting too bad . He felt two dicks go into his ass , felt both shove in and out , in and out , heard the men grunting , heard a few moans as men watched and came , felt come raining down on him , onto his helpless shoulders and chest , his neck and is face , his groin and his dick , and apparently so much up his ass that someone remarked that the cum bowl was almost full and they 'd better get another one . Meanwhile another dick was in his mouth and a mean sounding man was telling him to " Suck it good , fucker , " while thrusting wildly hitting his throat again and again . When he didn 't suck hard enough the man started slapping him , his face , his chest his arms . He put his hands around his throat and choked him til he couldn 't breath and someone said , " Hey , man , go easy there , we don 't want to kill him , we just want to fuck him . " Dinner was over and the noise was louder than ever . Once though , someone told everyone to shut up for a moment and just listen . What they heard were the sweet sounds of hard fucking . The mouth fuck was like a goopy slurping sound , loud in a quiet room , and the sound of his ass being fucked was loud as well , with the added noise of tons of cum being pushed in and pulled out on every thrust as well as the sound of skin slapping against skin , balls against the hole , hitting hard as a dick thrust all the way in . At some point someone decided music would be a good idea and soon a variety of rock and roll blasted into the room . In a sense Mark became even more isolated into the small world of just fucking . One dick in and another out , this one coming , that one almost coming . Someone taking too long , someone with a huge dick stretching his gaping hole even more . A few people complaining his hole was too big , others telling them to stuff it with something else like a few fingers . He got fucked a lot that way , a dick and a handful of fingers , tight enough to come deep inside though and that 's all that mattered . The double stuffers were having an easier time too . Two dicks went in easily now . They almost felt like one dick really , one very large dick , but it actually felt pretty good to Mark , this big giant dick fucking him like that , so deep , so hard and so fucking good . As double fucks got easier , someone again tried a three dick fuck and this time it worked . He moved his dick in to basically make a tripod shape in Mark 's ass and then just keep pushing in and out , in and out , slow then fast , soft and hard , then deep as possible . They straddled his legs to do it , found a position where three dicks could go into one hole . When they all came the hole spilled over fast running heavily into the cum bowl below Mark 's ass . Mark knew they 'd gotten to sloppy seconds when the men decided to change Mark 's position . They untied his hands and arms and put him on his stomach then tied his arms behind his back then to his body to prevent any movement from him . They made sure his head hung face down over the table edge so the men could thrust up when fucking him and push his head down at the same time . His ass hung just over the other edge with his feet on the ground . They decided to tie him down onto the table so that his ass could not move and then tied his ankles to the table legs . This make it must easier to double or triple stuff his ass and since his ass was now a huge gaping mess , this is what most wanted to do . He didn 't know the time but knew at least 8 to 10 hours had gone by and that there was still no end in sight to this . The lines were still long as people got their seconds . Alex was in front of him again with yet another cocktail and told him they 'd be there for a while so to just enjoy . Then he put his dick in his mouth thrusting up roughly and pushing Mark 's head down hard , then held it and fucked him hard for a few minutes until he came then pulled out and squirted all over Mark 's face while screaming , " You are mine , all mine , you fucking slut . " Then he put his dick in Mark 's mouth again and told him to lick it clean . " Have fun , slut . Next . " In the middle of the night the line finally waned . Only a few people waited to fuck Mark and that included a few teenagers allowed in to watch . They didn 't just watch though , in fact they had a great time fucking Mark 's mouth and got right into the spirit of the thing , slapping him around and calling him names . " He 's a fucking faggott slut , " one of them said . " A real whore , " my dad says . Mark knew it was almost over when the host beckoned anyone still there who wanted a piece of the entertainment to get it now because it was ending soon . Men filed in , at least 50 or so . A few fucked him , but most jacked off most shooting their cum over his body , some into his ass , some into his mouth , many squirted over his face which was covered in cum and many shot towards his hole so that tons of it was dripping down his ass , down his legs and feet . A couple of men pissed on him , well probably at least 10 did laughing the whole time , calling him names and not even pretty anymore . Mark didn 't move , he just took it . He felt something go up his ass . Someone had put something in him , some sort of object in the room , then someone put another little thing in his ass until there were a bunch of items shoved in . There was so many that the cum stopped dripping out . Finally , someone put a large dildo in Mark 's mouth shoving it way back in his throat . Mark was so tired he couldn 't protest , he just took it and lay there . Most of the men left then but during the next few hours a few snuck back in and took another piece of him . He felt things being pulled out of his ass then felt cum running out then felt a dick fucking him until the man came and more cum dripped out . That man took the dildo out of his mouth and shoved it up his ass . A couple of guys snuck in and fucked his mouth laughing as they came all over his face . A few just jacked of and came on him . A couple more needed to piss so pissed on him . At first light he opened his eyes and realized he hadn 't been touched for a long time . He would have moved but he couldn 't since he was tied down . Where was Alex and why had he just left him like this ? Mark started to cry , tears running over the rapidly crusting cum all over his face . He felt the dildo in his ass and there was nothing he could do about it . As he was crying two of the teenagers came into the room and pissed on him . They say he was awake and crying and made fun of him . One of them walked all around him and realized he couldn 't move . He stood in back of Mark and took the dildo in his hand and started moving it in and out of his ass . It started out soft but got rougher and rougher and the kid realized it was hurting Mark since Mark was gasping at every deep hit inside him . The other kid wanted to try it and was even more vicious , thrusting the dildo hard into Mark . Then he took it out and went to Mark 's mouth and shoved it in , then out , in and out , over and over until Mark gagged and begged them to stop . One of the guys shrugged and took the dildo and shoved it back into Mark 's ass . Mark cried some more . As least they were gone . A couple more hours passed and a few more men snuck in for a fuck . They gave Mark a nice double stuff fuck and turned it into a triple for triple the fun . The snuck back out laughing after shoving the dildo back into Mark . Another man drank his morning coffee while fucking Mark 's mouth , coming just as he finished his coffee . News at the coffee machine spread that the entertainment was still there and entertaining the troops , so go get it while you can , so they did , lots of them , and they all together fucked Mark another 50 or 60 times , front and back , mouth and ass , as he lay there unable to move . His ass hurt like hell now , it must be bleeding . His jaw had a perpetual ache and his throat was sore and raw from too many dicks and too much cum . But still they fucked him , sipping coffee , talking about him , about how awful he looked right now , not so pretty now . Still a pretty good fuck though , a little on the large side in the ass but that could be fixed with two dicks or extra fingers . Most of the men fucked his ass with fingers added to make it tight enough . Someone fucked him with the dildo in and that worked fine too . The lines were back and Mark just wanted to die now , to completely give up . Would no one help him ? Alex and his host finally showed up mid morning and found the party still going on . The host told them this was the last time because Alex needed to leave soon . Everyone that wanted to got in line to fuck Mark one last time and that probably added another 50 fucks and cum loads . The man had become a cum bucket . A few of the men snuck back into line just to get that one last fuck . They were the last few fucking him and it went on and on , since they were nowhere close to coming . They reamed his ass with double stuffing , dildo fucking , and finally after half an hour or so fucking him real hard using the dildo to help them . They pulled the dildo out before coming and rammed their dicks in hard coming so deep inside . Mark felt their dicks pulse when they came and knew it was over . Meanwhile one last dick was close to coming after fucking his mouth for half an hour and finally did along with a litany of slurs about the dirty slut cum bucket . Alex had breakfast while he waited for them to finish . When he and his host returned to the party room they found one two long stragglers coming on Mark , one on his face , one into his ass on top of the dildo shoved in . They closed the door and untied Mark who was almost all the way out of it . " God , he 's filthy , " Alex said . I don 't want to put him in my car like this . " He helped Mark get up then found his leather pants and his keys hanging on a chain on one of the loops . Alex sat Mark down and they got the pants on just as the host returned with the gardener who stared at Mark looking shocked . Mark was covered in cum and smelled like cum and piss . Cum was still dripping out of his ass and down his legs . His hair looked sticky and was full of cum . The host gave the gardener the paper with Mark 's address and told him to take him home . Mark could barely walk so it was slow going to the truck . The gardener basically threw Mark into the passenger side of the truck . He went to get a helper thinking he really needed one . Mark was almost unconscious when they arrived at his apartment . The gardener and helper guided him up a long set of stairs and unlocked the door when they finally got to it . Mark staggered in and the gardener guided him toward the couch . He told the helper to close the door . The gardener said to the helper , " I think he 's asleep . We should go . " Then he gave the helper a wicked look . " But what if . . . well , we were entertained too , right ? " The helper was grinning now . " You mean ? " When Mark was naked and fast asleep , the gardener unzipped his pants , gently opened Mark 's mouth and put his dick in . He fucked him gently at first then harder as Mark did not wake up . He fucked his mouth for a good five minutes before pulling out deciding to save his load for his ass . The helper did the same thing , moaning as he fucked into Mark 's throat , hitting the back without any resistance as Mark slept . Together they pushed Mark 's legs back and put a couple of pillows under Mark 's ass to prop it up . Then the gardener put his dick in Mark 's wet , sticky ass and fucked him , soft at first , building up to a real pounding over 20 minutes or so , reaming him good , Mark sleeping the whole time until close to the end as he was really getting nailed hard , so hard he woke up . Marks eyelids fluttered as he woke up and realized he was being fucked again , pounded , and that it hurt like hell . He groaned and closed his eyes , too tired to move to stop it in any way . The gardener thought he liked it , grinned at his helper and pounded him even harder until he finally came hard then collapsing all his weight on Mark when he was done . He pulled out and watched cum running out of the huge gaping hole and motioned for his helper to get going . The helper plunged his dick in enthusiastically and started pumping fast as if to a Mexican beat in his head . Mark opened his eyes briefly and watched him for a moment , wincing from the pain of it , wondering if that pain would ever go away . The helper fucked Mark relentlessly for a good half an hour . It was not easy to come because Mark 's hole was so big now so the determined helper just kept pounding away at him , grabbing his hips , bruising him , pulling his ass up closer to his dick which was large , a good 8 inches anyway , and hard as a rock , loving his treat of fucking such a pretty slut . Mark groaned in pain , his head moving from side to side , eyes closed , brow furrowed . The helper also took this as a sign of Mark loving being fucked and like the gardener , the helper was further inspired and pounded harder and faster until he too finally came hard , thrashing , groaning , pounding furiously and deeply into Mark 's ass . When he was done he lay down on top of Mark and still inside Mark not wanting to leave the warmth of his beautiful hole . The gardener had watched the helper fuck Mark and was hard again . He wanted to fuck Mark again but he had an idea . He told the helper not to pull out but to stay inside and move to Mark 's backside while he would face Mark and put his dick in and they 'd fuck him together . The helper thought that was a great idea and actually started getting a little hard just thinking about it . The gardener started fucking Mark slowly and carefully . He wanted the helper there until he got hard again , and after a few minutes it had happened . There was something about Mark that was such a turn on . So they were both hard , one with a huge dick and one almost huge dick and they filled Mark 's ass perfectly . It felt tight and good with a lot of friction and all the cum made sliding in and out easy . Mark tried to protest when he felt two hard dicks in him . He tried to use his hands to push them off so they had to hold on to his arms and immobilize them . Doing so really turned them on and they started hard fucking , learning to coordinate perfectly . Not only was the helper 's dick long , it was wide , so the two of them together resembled shoving an 8 inch beer can up your ass . The best part for them was that they 'd just come so they could fuck Mark for a long time , a really long time and they did . They fucked him soft and sweet , they fucked him hard and rough , mostly hard and rough because it just felt so good , and his hole was so tight and hot , so fuckable . Mark pleaded with them to stop , saying it hurt so much , to please stop , but this just turned them on more , just as their total control of him turned them on and they told him so , told him what a slut he was and how fun it was to fuck such a dirty slut who loved it so much that he could fuck for two days straight . He was a real whore and they were honored to fuck him so well . So they just fucked him and they fucked him , in and out , in and out , gently out , slammin in , again , and again , and again . They watched Mark cry and fucked him harder , listened to him plead and slammed him deep telling him to be grateful for their huge dicks fucking his beautiful hole , dicks a real slut would be grateful for . There 's other places we could put these dick you know , they told him , so be a good slut and let us fuck you . Finally , the gardener put a hand around Mark 's throat , gave him a hard jab with his dick and told him they were gonna come in his ass soon . Mark started choking so the gardener let up a little on his neck but kept a tight grip as they really starting ripping into him , fucking him hard , their dicks swelling as they got ready . They 'd fucked him for a good hour and were ready as hell as they groaned and grunted and fucked hard and harder relentlessly into that hole until first the helper came , pulsing away , and then the gardener , with a cry as he pounded in , shooting deep . Mark felt both of them pulse as they came and prayed it was over . They high fived each other before they pulled out , together and all at once releasing a river of cum from a wide open hole . Mark felt it running out and down his legs and could do nothing to stop it . The gardener got up , shoved his dick into Mark 's mouth and told him to lick it clean , and to to his helper too , who quickly shoved his dick in for cleaning as soon as the gardener pulled out . They both zipped up and told Mark to take it easy , man and they left . Mark was in between being asleep and being awake when he heard someone knocking on his door . He couldn 't move . He heard Alex calling his name then heard the door knob turn and Alex was in the room with him . Alex walked over to the couch , looked at Mark 's still spread legs and at the cum still dripping and got the picture . " I see you had a little bit more fun , huh ? " Mark shook his head back and forth , managed to say , " No . " He opened his eyes , pleading with Alex to believe him . He managed to say , " Didn 't want . " Alex slapped him hard across . " You fucking slut . I arrange a ride home for you and you end up fucking the help . You are a fucking whore who doesn 't fucking deserve me . I can 't wait to be done with you . Just one more scene for you in this film and it 's done , you 're done with me , forever , whore . " Mark started crying . He was so tired and hurt so much and he didn 't need to hear again what a whore he was . All he could say though was , " No , didn 't want , raped me . " Mark slapped him again , harder this time and then again . " Stop lying , slut , you fucking slut . You should be thanking me for this weekend , for me giving you all those dicks , but no , that wasn 't enough , you had to fuck the help like the true cum bucket slut you are . Look at you , still covered in cum with fresh cum dripping out of your insatiable hole . Dammit , I 'm getting one last taste of this and then I 'm done with you . I may even cut that last scene and then I 'll never have to see you again , slut . That okay with you , slut . " He slapped him again , then unzipped and sat on Mark 's chest , crushing him and shoved his dick in Mark 's mouth . " Suck it real good , slut . " He started pounding Mark 's mouth , laughing and telling him what a slut he was , how disgusting he was . He kept fucking his mouth and put three fingers up Mark 's hole . Mark screamed around the dick in his mouth . " You wanna scream , slut ? I 'll make ya scream . " He pounded Mark 's mouth for a few more minutes then pulled out and moved down . Without prelude he thrust his dick into Mark 's ass as hard as he could . He pushed Mark 's legs back as far as he could and started fucking him fast while listening to Mark scream , and cry and start shaking from the pain . " I don 't care how much it hurts , you did it all to yourself , slut . Now shut up ' cause I 'm gonna fuck you as hard as I want for as long as I want . " Mark felt Alex pounding into him and knew that the only thing keeping him awake was the pain , so much pain . He endured it for another half an hour until Alex finally came , pushing deep when he did . " Not bad , slut , considering I " m sloppy number 500 give or take a few . " He gave Mark one more hard jab before he pulled out . He put his dick in Mark 's mouth and ordered him to clean it off . Alex then went into the kitchen , looked around and found what he wanted then went back to Mark . " Here , slut , a little something to fill you up so you won 't feel so empty when I 'm gone . " Alex laughed long and hard as he took a broom and shoved the pole up and deep inside Mark 's ass . He wiggled it around then roughly and thrust the handle in and out of Mark 's ass a few times before burying it deep inside him . Globs of cum were still slowly dripping from the hole . He pulled Mark 's legs up and spread them wide , his ass on a pillow and the broom handle sticking out of is ass . Alex took his phone out and took a picture of Mark spread out that way . Got a good one of you all spread out like that . Your face is in it too . A little something to remember you by , slut . He touched the broom stick and jiggled it around a few times and poking it in deeper causing Mark to groan and protest . " Okay , slut we 're done . I was going to help you clean up but you don 't deserve me . " He slapped Mark hard . " You 're a two bit piece of shit whore and that 's all you 'll ever be . All those guys who fucked you will remember you , did you realize that . They know who you are . You may or may not get more film roles based on that knowledge . They might tell their powerful friends about you , they might not . I want you to understand that you might have to keep on being fucked , like a lot if you want to work in this town again . Couldn 't happen to a finer slut . " Alex closed the door as he left . Mark couldn 't move but he knew he had to , had to get up from the couch and do a couple of things . The broom handle hurt like hell and he had a hard time getting it out . He had to eat something , he had to take pain killers and he had to get a prescription for antibiotics . He knew his ass was in bad shape . Mark would call a doctor friend of his and get his meds delivered . First he 'd eat something , anything , then he 'd get in the shower , he 'd wait for his meds and eat some more . Then he 'd sleep , for as long as he wanted or needed to . He 'd take his meds and he wouldn 't die . He was free of Alex , hopefully forever . He would survive , he might even be successful . It would be ironic if part of his success was based on the role in Alex 's current film , yes , ironic indeed , and fair for what he 'd endured . He cried while he searched for something to eat . He settled on a banana and smiled at the irony of eating something that looked so much like another dick . Mark was full of ironic thoughts today . Then he cried again , he cried a river wishing and hoping that the whole thing had never happened , couldn 't believe that it had and vaguely wondered how other " entertainers " survived . The shower helped a little , at least he felt clean again , all those men washed away , as fleeting as their loads of cum . He got his meds and took them , wished that he had a real friend he could call and confide in and vowed to get some real friends in the future . Then he ate a bowl of cereal , cried another river , how he hated himself , how he hated his life , and how he hated what had happened . Finally he collapsed but made it to his bed , curling under the covers , wanting to feel completely warm and safe . He 'd remembered to lock the door and that felt good . They couldn 't come back and hurt him again . No one was ever going to hurt him again , That was his mantra now . With that in mind he relaxed slowly as night descended , curling up around him , covering him like a blanket , and he , feeling the peace at last and after one last tear , falling slowly and completely into it 's embrace . Read 34677 times | Dude Jesus Christ I cam cam then just kept reading that was the most intense shit I 've read . Fantastic job . I feel terrible for mark . But that 's the point right ? Great job man great job |
We have no name for her , but she wore spectacles and clutched an ugly clump of weeds as she cried . Tears streaked her face as she hurled the hideous bouquet of weeds to the ground , trampled them and turned down the path into the forest . Call her " Alice " , if you must name her , but know that a terrible unkindness had been played upon Alice this night , and she had suffered much hurt . That much is known . Alice stepped through the remains of the weeds which had been presented to her as flowers with disdain , scarcely noticing as the woods turned dark . Her eyes were filled with tears , which were spattering into her corrective spectacles as well , turning her vision into a watery wash of green and black . Shadow and tree mixed and melded until the world itself could have been the yawning opening of a leafy abyss into which she tumbled headlong . She remained on her feet , though , having walked this path many a time , to her home on the other side of the woods . Home was where she most wanted to be , curled in her sleep space , facing the wall , crying and holding herself and suffering her misery alone , with no one to see . And no one would see her here , she knew , in the dark woods which bordered the settlement . No one came here except her family , and they were all gone . It was only Alice now , alone and unwanted , as the trampled bouquet , the laughs and sneers , had so pointedly reminded her . The voice was strange , as if it came down a long metal tube , bouncing to and fro before emerging directly into her head . The one who spoke could not be seen , except in a vague outline , but he lay in the grass just off the path , one limb outstretched . " Hello ? Can you help me ? " " Who 's there ? " Alice called . Had they come to play yet another cruel joke on her ? Could there be that much cruelty in anyone ? She knew there could . " Who is it ? " " I 'm sorry if I frightened you ? " the voice said . " I don 't mean you any harm . I was badly injured , I managed to tend to my wounds but … I need food . I 'm so hungry . And weak . Do you … do you have anything I could eat ? Please ? " The air was still and close in the forest , but a chill passed through her nonetheless . She could not help him , not with everything else that she had suffered this night . It was too much , just too much . Alice ran then , wiping the tears from her face and dashing down the path , not stopping ( " Pleeeeease . " ) until she had reached the end of the woods and her family 's old home , with the door closed tight behind her . She stood that way for a long while , just bracing herself against the door and allowing her rapid breathing to slow . Finally , she stepped away from the door , and only then , with the threshold to the dining area just to her right , did she see the meal she had prepared in anticipation of a much different ending to this night . The dining area was set for two , the lighting set at the appropriate romantic level . Romance . She laughed bitterly at herself , a coarse sound that burbled up through a throat already reddened by her cries . All at once she became angry , at them , at herself , she knew not which , but she found herself sweeping the serving platters away with one limb , scattering them in a clangor . She overturned the chairs . She smashed the lights . She gathered the food and took it to the trash receptacle , and there paused , unexpectedly . He had moved , just a bit further off the path , but was still there , lying in darkness . She approached cautiously , still clutching the food she had gathered from the table . She couldn 't see him fully , just an outline in the shadow , but he seemed to be reaching out to her . " You poor thing , " she said . She decided then that she would not be afraid , partly because with everything she had been through tonight , she felt she had nothing left to fear . But also because , peculiar voice and all , there was something trustworthy in the tone of the stranger 's words . He seemed truly grateful for her return . He scooped up the food and began eating greedily . " No no , do not worry yourself . You 've no idea how thankful I am for your kindness . You are a marvel . " A sound came down the same long tube from which she imagined his voice travelled . He might have been laughing . It was a warm sound though , a pleasant , rumbling sound . She rather liked it . She sighed . " I know nothing of the stars , or planets or those things . My father did , he was very learned about such matters , but I never picked it up . I was always burying myself in the newest compendium of tales . I love the tales . " Alice nodded . When a moment of silence passed , she remembered the need to speak aloud . " Yes , yes I do . I … " She paused . She had been about to tell her him her profession , and remembered of the cruelty of her patrons , especially the young male with whom she had thought she shared … No . It was too much , just for a moment . Too much . Alice recovered herself , wiping away sudden tears . " No , no , it 's not you . Yes I do read , I am a keeper of the compendiums now , I meant to say . I keep the collection at the scriptorium . " " I have come from very far away , " he said , " and I am not like the people here . I am afraid I 'd be unwelcome , an outsider . They might even be frightened of me . I would not want that . I 've no wish to frighten anyone . " " You are too kind . You 're an - " Here he used a word unknown to her , and his meaning was lost , though his tone was complimentary . " I am safer here , I think . Safer in the dark . When I 'm feeling better I can repair my vehicle . It 's not far away , in a clearing in the forest . Thanks to your generosity I am feeling much stronger . " His words saddened her . She didn 't know who he was or where he had come from , but she knew he had made her pain less and she didn 't want him to leave . Not yet . " I could come back . " She reached out and found him in the dark , entwining her hand in his . His skin was rough and dry , scratchy against her own . Strange . " I could come back tomorrow night , and bring more food . " The next night passed much as the first one had , except that Alice was in better spirits , having regained a bit of her bruised self - confidence . She told him one of her favorite tales from when she was very young , that of the wealthy traveler and the thrice - burnt inn . She could barely contain her laugher as she recounted the moment when the traveler saw the blackened walls of her sleeping quarters . Her father had always done the most amusing voice as he spoke in the traveler 's haughty voice . She could not get it quite as right as he had done , or something else was lost in the retelling , she assumed , because only a mild rumble passed down the length of imaginary tubing to reach her from Jack 's chest . This time he did laugh . " No , no . But I think , don 't you , that all good tales end with love . Love is the best story , the most worthy story . How could he not have heard that , she wondered . But it was hardly important , so she picked up the tale . Jack had already predicted the end , but she went through it anyway , telling of the various comical incidents that led to the traveler and innkeeper finally falling in love , and her remodeling of his black husk of a building into a beautiful resort , which they operated together , and in which they lived to the end of their days . The next night he returned the favor by telling her his own stories of the stars , and the planets around them . He told her of twin suns that circled a citadel of diamond . He told her of cavernous gold mines where one could be lost forever in the brilliant shine of the walls and never find the way out . He told her of oceans of liquid metal where one crack in the walls would mean certain doom , and great behemoths prowled the depths , blind , but striking out at every vibration of the molten sea . Alice listened to all Jack 's tales with growing trepidation , because these were not tales to be found in the scriptorium . There were no moldy , skin - bound tomes from which he had once read . Jack spoke as if he had been to these places , walked the shores of other worlds , so many worlds . And she believed he had . She knew it . Jack placed the empty platter on the ground and stood . She stood also , but remained close to him , partly because she did not wish to let him go , but also because mid - season had come , and the nights were colder now . Most of the trees had lost their plumage , and the wind was sharp as it howled through their trunks . " I must leave you now , " he said . " My repairs are finished , and my vehicle is ready for travel . But I wanted to say goodbye . And to sit with you one last time . Your company has meant everything to me , and I wanted you to know that . " " Don 't go , " she said impulsively , " you can stay here , with me . No one need see or know of you . You can stay in secret . " " It is tempting , " he said with a rumble . " But I fear it wouldn 't be safe . It wouldn 't be safe for you . " Alice felt safer with Jack than she ever had among the people of her village , especially after she had been hurt so badly by the only one who had ever shown any interest in her . She was ugly to them , she knew that , and always had . The only one who had ever called her a beauty was her father , and he was gone . Long gone . But Jack didn 't care about her appearance . He had never really seen her . All the time they had spent , all the nights they had told stories and held each other , all that time had been spent in the dark . Jack cared about the person she was , and she felt the same of him . He guided her hands to his face , and there she felt something even stranger than his dry skin . Jack wore a metal mask , a machine that wrapped around his head and covered his mouth . It was especially cold to the touch in the mid - season wind , and smooth , polished and adorned with knobs and dials . " This is how I communicate with you . I cannot speak your language . This device translates what you say to me , and what I say to you . " Alice shook with understanding . This was why his voice was so strange , and seemed to float to her down a long tube . And perhaps this was also why he didn 't grasp her voices as she played the different roles from her tale . He could hear the change in her voice , but not what it meant . " I want to take it off . I want to hear your real voice , and speak to you in mine . Will you … if I take this off , will you speak your name to me ? I want to take your name with me to the stars . " For a moment there was silence , then she remembered what he had asked and she spoke her name , clearly as she could . Jack 's oblong head bobbed , up and down , and he said something back to her in his true voice . It was clear now , a deep rumbling sound that came from somewhere in his midsection and emerged from his head . A fluctuation of resonant sounds , chopped off at the end by his mouth . Alice realized , perhaps a bit too late , that he had told her his name as well , and she struggled to remember the sounds he had made . Bare limbs whipped and clawed at her as she picked her way through the dark as quickly as she could . She had no way of knowing if she was going the right way , she knew . She might become hopelessly lost in the dark , or worse , fall into a hole or off a cliff , but she went on anyway , stumbling in the night and starting at every unexpected sound . Alice felt her pulse quicken . This could only be the vehicle Jack had spoken of , the vessel that she knew had carried her love here from another world . And she saw something else . Light streamed from inside , guiding her way across the grass . Alice peered through the open doorway for a moment , bracing herself against the metal frame outside , before stepping across into a world her mind could never have imagined . Screens lined the walls , each showing something entirely different . Some showed writings , scribbles that reminded her of the mathematical formulae she had been taught by her schoolteacher years before , but with entirely different lines and squiggled characters than she had ever learned . Others showed diagrams and charts , showing the progress of inner workings of machinery or biology , which she could only guess . Still others showed amazing panoramic vistas of worlds unknown to her . Along and beneath these screen were control stations , panels full of buttons and sliding knobs , dials and keypads and sensors and … it was endless . It seemed endless . She stepped inside , and heard a WHOOSH as the door slid closed behind her . She didn 't care . She only had eyes for the endless screens and the stories she might step into by following them . Red lines charted a tunnel through space , and showed a high speed vision of traveling through it . If one followed this tunnel , as the machine indicated they might , they 'd fly through black space between the suns , falling , but falling with clear purpose and intent , through a whorl of starlight . They 'd maneuver between spiraling mouths of sheer night , sling around shining blue jewels of flame , burst into clusters of rock the size of mountains , and zig between them without a care . She reached up to touch the screen , enchanted by the vision of the journey ahead , and that 's when she saw the monster reflected in its surface . " I hoped you 'd come , " Jack 's familiar , but strange , voice said from the monster 's face . " I was too afraid to ask , but I hoped . I hoped . " It lifted two pinkish limbs , each adorned with flat hands from which stubby fingers protruded . " I 'm so glad . So glad you 're here . " " You … I never … " Alice wiped tears away from her eyes with one slippery swipe of a tentacle arm . The monster in front of her had two elliptical orbs , which must have been its eyes , atop one nasal protrusion and its hairy chin , which was now covered by the translator device . " I never saw you , " she choked out . This thing , she realized with distaste , was her lover , the one she had lain with in the darkness so many times . She had told him stories and dreams and pinned all her hopes upon him . She had even … oh no , she thought , remembering their kiss . Jack 's twin eyes lowered , showing his head full of hair like his chin , only longer and finer , of the color of straw . " I have frightened you . I 'm so sorry . I thought this might … here . " He stepped forward , alarming her a bit , but it was only to press a control key on the wall . The outer door slid open again with another loud WHOOSH . " You may leave , of course . I would never hurt you . I will always remember how kind you were to me . I will never forget - " but the creature choked on its words then , and he fell silent , fluid draining from his eyes . I was only a little girl at the time , and Den was even younger than me , so I 'm vaguely surprised he can remember anything at all about those days . I myself only remember it because of mom . It 's been forty years now , but I remember her face like it was yesterday . She was so beautiful . Long , straight brown hair to her waist , high cheekbones , a thin face with a long , slender nose and delicate chin . Underneath long , dark lashes her radiant green eyes shined . The day it all started , I remember looking up at her as she clotheslined laundry , thinking maybe those green eyes were looking less radiant than usual . She had dark circles under her lids . I didn 't know it , but mom wasn 't getting as much sleep as she should . The pain was too much . But she was hiding it from me , hiding it from all of us back then , except dad , of course . Rose Lowery was her name . She was my mother , and I loved her very , very much . More than I can say in words on a page . My name is Peggy , though as I 've already said my family mostly calls me Peg these days . I 'm not one of those Margarets who goes by Peggy , either . It says right there on my birth certificate Peggy Lowery , so I am a Peggy through and through . I am over fifty now , my own son is grown and moved out on his own , but I was only eight then , living with my parents , Fred and Rose , my older brother Lewis , older sister Patricia , and little brother Dennis . You already met him , though many years later . Den was only six back then , playing around in the back yard without a care in the world . Lucky him , he didn 't have chores yet . Dad was an electrician by trade , although he also did carpentry and general handyman jobs , and he worked long hours for very little money , almost nothing by today 's standards . To make ends meet , mom took in washing from around the neighborhood , from other families who didn 't have the time to do their own . When we weren 't in school , we helped , except for Lewis who usually had baseball practice after school . Back then this was considered " girl work " anyway , as it was usually Patricia and I who ended up helping . She was sitting on the front steps , wash boarding the clothes and setting them in another basket , which I would trade for the empty one . Yes , we didn 't have the benefit of a fancy washer and dryer , even then in the mid nineteen - fifties when most families had them . We had to wash board them , wring them out and hang them up . It was long , hard work , and in Texas the summer afternoons are hot and unforgiving . But I was eight . For me , it was all a fun adventure . I whistled and skipped along with the basket , which is why I didn 't notice the dog until it was almost right up on me . Patricia looked up from her washing and blew an errant , strawberry blonde curl out of her eyes . She was fourteen , dressed in a plain , light blue blouse and matching skirt . Those blonde curls , which always made me so jealous , even then , were tied back with a white kerchief , but a few renegade curls always fought for freedom . I turned and saw him for the very first time . He was a big , black Doberman pinscher , nearly as tall as me , with black eyes and long , pointed ears that were standing straight up . The brown around his snout was stretched wide as his mouth hung open , baring big , nasty fangs . He had growled as I turned , but now he wasn 't so much growling as making an angry huff - huff - huff . " Run ! " Patricia grabbed my arm from behind and run we did , dashing around the side of the house . The Doberman gave chase , barking as it ran . Why we didn 't run in the front door I do not know , except perhaps that we expected we would find my mother still there in the back yard , next to the clothes lines where she 'd been waiting for me , but she was not there . She had gone inside , and though I wasn 't aware at the time , it was probably because she was in pain and badly needed rest . But I didn 't have time . Patricia scooped up Den into her arms and we ran between two hanging bedsheets . As the dog stopped to grab hold of them with its teeth and yank them down , we turned and headed around the other side of the house , back to the front . There we were lucky , as my father 's beat up blue Ford truck was pulling into the driveway just as we emerged around the corner of the garage . We were breathless as we ran up to the passenger door . Lewis hopped out , looking at us bemusedly . He was holding his baseball glove in one hand . Once he had gotten us to calm down enough to stop screaming our words over one another , my father took my hand in his and walked with Patricia and me back around the side of the house . His hand was dry and course , the hand of a man who had worked hard all his life . He was tall and lean , his skin a baked tan with a bit of red on his neck ( from which I understood even then the term ' redneck ' originated , although I did not associate it as a pejorative term , not back then ) . My brother jumped in front of us all with his baseball bat raised and ready . They both wore faded , worn blue jeans , my father because they were durable for the work he did , and my brother because they had recently become the thing for kids at his school . While my brother wore a long sleeve pullover shirt , though , my father was in his usual white undershirt and button down plaid . Our yard , the carefully hung laundry , even the clothes lines , all were ruined . The dog had continued pulling sheets and clothes down after we 'd run and , apparently , once that bored him , he had somehow gotten ahold of the lines themselves and pulled them down , ruining everything still hanging . Judging by the paw prints , he 'd then tracked through the muddiest hole he could find and danced all over every clean patch in sight . It was if he knew how hard we had worked all day and wanted to make sure each and every bit of it had to be redone . To this day , I 'm not sure that wasn 't the case . " Hey you ! Dog ! You get out of there ! " He ' wound up ' with the bat as if about to take a swing at empty air . The Doberman stood , releasing the onion , and turned to face him . It stood tall , ears raised , head high . His jaws clenched , eyes wide open and alert . A low growl emitted from his chest . " In the house , " Dad said with a gesture of the bat . Lewis took hold of me and ushered us all inside . The last thing I saw , craning my head around , was my dad following the dog out of sight . Dad came in through the front door several minutes later and said the dog had run away . Patricia , Denny and I were made to stay inside while he and Mom went outside to survey the damage . Eventually , all of us except Den had to go back outside and help with the cleanup . It was long , hot work with none of the smiles and laughter I had had earlier . This was no longer a game . The whole afternoon 's work would have to be redone , and it would take my parents long into the night . Being a school night , the rest of us were left to finish homework , clean house , and make dinner ourselves ( it was mostly Lewis and Patricia who did that , Den and I tried but weren 't very helpful I 'm afraid ) . At dinner , my dad tried to make conversation , but it was halfhearted . He knew he had hours more work to do to help my mother , who was in more pain than any of us knew . She sat silently , pushing potatoes back and forth on her plate and occasionally taking a small bite . My dad also knew no matter how late he went to bed , he 'd have to wake up at five - thirty in the morning as always . He couldn 't afford to miss work . No one in my family was allowed to miss a day of work or school , and it had been that way since before I was born . " He invented the bulb , but this guy Tesla invented the current that comes to your house . And Edison tried to run him out of business , he did all kinds of bad things . He was kind of a jerk . " We all looked around at each other , grins spreading on our faces . Then , Denny let out a giggle and we all lost it . I don 't think any family has ever needed a laugh more than we did at that moment . Mom covered her mouth and shook , her cheeks turning red . Dad slapped the table a couple of times with his right hand , a sure sign that he was laughing too hard to compose himself . I walked down the street to my friend Dorothea 's house the next day . Her mother had said I could come over after school and Mom gave me permission . After the previous day 's ordeal it seemed she thought I could use a little fun . Dorothea and I giggled and tied our pigtails into ribbons together and then walked to the corner store , thinking we looked terribly sophisticated with our curls blowing in the wind . There we bought two Patricia suckers and had nothing in mind but a walk back home in the afternoon , savoring the sweet fruity taste and the warm sun . As we turned around the store front and headed back down the lane , my mouth dropped . Dorothea shrieked and we both ran as fast as we could . But as fast as our little legs could carry us , Thomas Edison was faster . He circled us and ran in front , forcing us to double back . He did this several times , always coming close enough to snap at us but never quite making contact . We doubled back again and again , and by increments made it down the street to her house , where we ran inside and cowered against the door , shaking and crying and holding each other . Our curls were forgotten , the carefully tied ribbon that I 'd been so proud of long gone , torn away by the wind . A phone call later and my father came to get me . We tremulously opened the door to find the dog vanished , but Dorothea 's lawn bore the telltale signs of his presence . Roses torn up , decorations knocked down . My father took me in his arms and I sniffled into his shoulder . The first thing we learned was Thomas Edison was not going anywhere . He surprised me from behind bushes . He followed me from down the street . Once , he was chasing a passing car , nothing to do with us , and spotted Patricia and me , immediately turning to chase us . We never knew who he belonged to or where he came from . He simply seemed to appear on our street and become our nemesis overnight . We tried to give him food , thinking maybe he 'd learn to be friendly . He just ate , then overturned the bowls and tore the yard up more . He always chased us , always growled , always came close to biting without ever doing real damage . He did get ahold of our clothes a few times . We had torn dresses to mend more than once , and even Lewis had to patch his jeans , right on the seat . He was not happy about that , I can tell you . No one laughed at the name Thomas Edison at dinner anymore , and in fact it was no longer mentioned , even though we all thought it . Even the book report on the real inventor Edison was a forbidden subject now . We didn 't care who invented the current or the bulb , we just wanted a way to get rid of " our " Thomas Edison and get him out of our lives forever . The other thing we learned , or I should say my brothers , sister and I learned , came as quite a shock to us all . If we 'd been paying attention , it wouldn 't have . It really wouldn 't . The clues were right there for all to see . But we weren 't , I guess . Too caught up in our own stuff , even before Thomas Edison showed up . I say the clues had been right there , and they had . I had seen mom clutch her belly or gasp suddenly , but she always explained it away as a cramp or some such . But there was no explaining this away as indigestion . She screamed like she 'd been stabbed , and I now know it truly felt that way , and doubled over , falling to her knees with her forehead almost touching the carpet . " What 's wrong , Mommy ? What 's wrong ? " I wrapped my arms around her , which I now realize must not have helped any , and shook her . After a time , she seemed to return to herself , and lifted up , sitting back on the backs of her legs and holding me very gingerly , her hands shaking . " I 'm okay , baby . Mommy 's okay . " Daddy sat us down at dinner , holding hands with Mom , and they explained to us that Mommy was sick and had been for some time , but it was getting worse . They tried to answer all our questions , but there was really only one answer that mattered to us : this was not going to stop , it was only going to get worse , and our Mommy would die from it . Not long from now . I couldn 't bear it . Could not . I stood up and ran for the bedroom I shared with my sister , crying so loud it was almost a scream . I threw myself onto my bed , burying my head in my pillow and cried . My mother followed soon after , laying almost on top of me with her arms wrapped around me , rocking me and stroking my hair as I sobbed into the pillow , deep long sobs that tore the air out of me in a mournful wail . My mother stayed with me there for a long time , giving me comfort at the news of her own impending death . I will never forget that . There was only one thing I didn 't learn about my mother 's condition that day , and that was for the best really . It was already more than I could stand . I 'd learn the rest many years later , on my own . With the terrible revelations of that night , I 'm afraid I had forgotten about Thomas Edison entirely . A few days later , while my sister and I were working in the garage , we heard a loud bang from inside the house . We both jumped , then giggled at each other . Dad had gone to the store , taking Lewis and Denny with him . It must have been the front door banging open as they came in , I assumed . I went through the door that led into the house . There was a small entryway where a side door to the front yard , closest to the driveway where Dad would have parked his truck , stood . My smile fell as I found this door closed . I looked down the hall on the other side . This hall led past the bedrooms to the living room , which was adjacent to both the main front and back doors . I couldn 't have heard one of those doors bang open or closed , could I ? I went to the closer door and opened it . The screen was closed , and no truck was in the driveway . " Daddy ? " I called , which now that I think back on it made no sense because I had just confirmed his truck was not in the driveway . He couldn 't have been home . This time I jumped nearly out of my skin I was so startled . My eyes turned in the direction of the sound , and saw light streaming through the front door , just off the living room . The shadow of the door moved back and forth with the wind , creating more , first smaller then louder bangs as it rapped the frame . I looked outside , into the front yard . A strong wind had indeed picked up , blowing the pine trees that lined our street to and fro . It actually felt good to me after the sweaty stillness of the garage air , but I was wary . Thomas Edison returned to my thoughts all at once , and I stuck my head out and looked around the yard , back and forth , up and down our porch and sidewalk : Nothing . " Mommy ! " I called , trying to keep the table between myself and the dog , an obstacle in my mind only , as he could easily have passed underneath , now that I have the benefit of hindsight to consider . But he didn 't . He jumped and yipped and moved left and right , countermove to my move , or perhaps the other way around . He got no closer but showed no sign of giving up and leaving , either . Thomas Edison looked back at me , but my mother clapped her hands , demanding his attention . He faced her fully , and his ears popped up and forward . He didn 't make a sound , just stared . " Mommy ! " I ran around the table , forgetting the dog and darting across the living room to mom , trying to hold her up . She placed a hand on my shoulder but her weight was too great . She was teetering forward , on the edge of falling to the floor . I don 't know where Patricia had disappeared to in that moment , now that I think of it . She must have gone right out the front door when she opened it . The dog licked my mother 's face tenderly , and she seemed to recover from the pain a bit . She placed a hand on him , and he squared up and helped prevent her fall . She finally was able to stand again , leaning against the wall , and looked down at us both in amazement . Thomas Edison turned and padded away toward the front door , and it was then that my dad strode into the house , rifle in hand . I don 't know how it all had come together , I never asked then and it 's hardly important now , but Penny must have seen him pulling up in the pickup and run to get him , told him the dog was attacking me and mom , and he came as fast as he could . After our other encounters with Thomas Edison all summer , and given mom 's condition , I can hardly blame him for bringing his gun . This was the final straw . He waved at mom and me to move back as the dog faced him and he cocked the rifle . He didn 't aim it , not yet . He was angry but my dad was not so poor a gun owner as to aim his rifle with his wife and daughter in range . I didn 't know how to explain what I 'd seen . I wasn 't even sure if it mattered . I just knew dad couldn 't shoot Thomas Edison now , not after what he 'd done for mom . She was against the wall , pale and breathless , unable to speak . So I turned back , and did the only thing I could think to do . I screamed at the dog louder than I had ever screamed in my life . He was across the street , sitting on his haunches and staring at me with his ears perked up . My eyes widened , and he saw me seeing him , or he seemed to , because his head and ears drooped . He looked sad , all of a sudden , sad and lost a little , like he wasn 't sure what to do . Then the bus came around the corner and passed in front of him . The doors opened , and kids filed on to take their seats . I stepped up into the bus and took a seat on the opposite side , climbing up on my knees to look out the window . The sidewalk where Thomas Edison had been was empty . I looked up at her , but found that I couldn 't explain . Could it be that all the time Thomas Edison had spent chasing us , chasing me , was because he wanted a friend to play with , and didn 't know how ? Was it possible for a creature to be so lost and alone that the only way it knew to love was through the teeth of its anger ? These were thoughts too complex for me at the time , I only knew something had gone very wrong , and there was no getting it back . So I leaned my head against her arm , and wept until there was nothing left . I wept for my mom and my family , for myself , and for a lost and angry dog whose true name I 'd never really know . Mom died a month later . It came much faster than expected . The doctor told us the scare the dog had given her had probably not contributed to her illness , but it didn 't matter much . She was gone , and we were left behind . I didn 't know it at the time , but I was left with a piece of her the others were thankfully spared , and my visits have confirmed that , which gives me some sense of peace . My little Corolla sometimes dies the first time I start it these days , but this time it doesn 't . The little RPM gauge dips precariously low , and it sputters a bit , but it hangs on and I go putt - putt - putting off down and out of the cul - de - sac , leaving Den to get smaller and smaller as he waves goodbye from the foot of his driveway . I miss him already , kind of . A scary moment as I am forced to stop my car at the end of the street . Luckily Den has gone back inside and doesn 't see me stopping there . The sudden pain in my belly nearly doubles me over , even sitting in my car . " Mm . Nnnuh . Oh god . " I press my hands low on my belly and wait for it to subside . " Stop . Just stop . " Finally , mercifully , it fades , and I know it will be a while before another one . I hope so , anyway . They are more frequent now than they once were , and so strong they take my breath away sometimes . I 've made it much longer than mom did , I 'm older than she ever was , but it 's caught up to me in its own time . I don 't have long now . You know what 's funny ? I 'd like , or I hope , Thomas Edison is there too . He wouldn 't be angry anymore , not there , and never again . I 'd kneel down , and hold his little face , teeth no longer bared in a snarl but drawn back in a smile , and I 'd say , it 's okay , Thomas Edison . You 're a good doggy , and I don 't hate you anymore . All is forgiven . Mom and Dad will wrap their arms around the two of us , and we 'll embrace and smile and laugh together in the warmth of an endless sunshine . We 'll feel no pain anymore , not my mother and not me , and not Thomas Edison either . We 'll never hurt again . Kings clash in the bread of night , servicing cloudy milk beside the container . Jumping with displeasure , he feels his way around the neck . Certainty takes him that he knows the sound of prickly coronations . All is burgundy . Yes , I prefer books to come to a clean cut end , even books in a series . Then they can set up the sequel . Hence , I 'm holding back the final star . But in this case I 'll forgive him . Missing time opens with a shark about to discover he stumbled into faster waters than he can handle . The woman he 's stalking makes him look like a minnow , only she discovers she 's prey as well . If this seems like a peek into an Escher drawing , be prepared , Missing Time uses timelines like a roller coaster to propel readers through the Moebius - strip narratives of eight students who survive a bus crash ( bus 313 ) that leaves them with supernatural powers . The students experience more than new powers . Each experiences a different perception of the crash with a different origin story for their powers . Some try to hide their powers , others embrace them , but all become the targets of the military and a mad scientist who see them as a threat to humanity . Clarke has more tricks up his sleeve than Penn and Teller in an unrated Vegas show . As soon the heroes , and readers feel they 've finally figured out the storyline , Clarke lifts the veil and they realize it 's all been misdirection . When will he finally reveal the gag ? Hopefully by the end of book three , but until then readers will see enough smoke and mirrors to make the ride worthwhile and punch that button to download book two , Time Spent ( which I have on my iPad waiting for me to read ) . Mr . Stephens , thanks for taking the time to read and especially to post a review . Judging by the colorful and punchy prose style of your review I 'll have to check out your books sometime ! I appreciate all the kind words , yes " running your brain through a meat grinder " is fairly accurate , and things only get crazier in Vol . 2 and 3 ( the final book is still in progress ) . Tags : actors , casting , missing time , movie Zachary is the most mysterious character of Missing Time . You don 't even find out his last name in the first book . ( It 's Wells . ) Zachary 's power to heal people would be big enough , but he can also bring them back from the dead , and he himself seems to be virtually unkillable . |
Chapter Eleven Aaron had been nervous that morning when he 'd sucked Adam 's dick . Adam didn 't truss him up and make him cum with the weights that morning . He just didn 't have the heart with the way Aaron was acting . He let the boy put on a condom and masturbate . Then after he ate the cum out of the condom he got in his car and headed off for Greenfield . Adam watched him go with a mixture of nervousness and excitement . He went down to the dungeon and started to get things ready . He put the restraint cuffs on the legs of the bondage horse . Then he added them to the suspension cables and put the cranks together . He added cable restraints to the rubber sheet covered bed and took the sling down . He put that in the concealed cabinet beside the bed . It was a three hour drive to Greenfield and back from Crippin , an hour and a half each way . Greenfield wasn 't really that far from Crippin . Adam hadn 't realized that until Aaron had looked at the map that morning and pointed it out . He kept looking at the clock as he put the saucepan on the stove and added the bottled water , salt and other ingredients . He brought it to a boil and then let it simmer . He had twenty minutes left before they should be pulling into the back driveway . While it simmered Adam made lunch . He mixed some of the leftover sauce with ground beef and got two loaves of French bread and cut them in half . Then he sliced them down the center until he had four half pieces of bread . When the sauce was done he spread it over the bread . Then he covered that with mozzarella cheese and added sliced pepperoni . He put them in the oven and let them warm and the cheese melt . Then he started on the salad . He cut the lettuce , tomatoes , cucumbers , onions and radishes and tossed them together with light olive oil . He was putting the food on the dining room table when he heard Aaron 's car . A ripple of nervous excitement ran through Adam as he waited . They came in the back door and into the dining room . Donny had a twelve pack of bottled beer under one arm and a duffle bag slung over his shoulder . Aaron looked angry but otherwise unharmed . He gave Adam a look that he didn 't understand . Donny was looking around the room and at the food . " Well you guys got here just in time , " Adam said , proud that his voice didn 't shake . " I 'll put your beer in the fridge and put your bag in my room . Sit down guys . Eat while it 's hot . " He took the bag and beer from Donny without comment . Then he took the beer into the kitchen and put it in the fridge . He went to his room with the bag and had an idea . He opened the bag and took all of the clothing out of it . Donny wouldn 't be needing it after today anyway . He found a shaving kit and opened that . Then he saw the hair brush . He smiled as he looked at it . Donny 's name was written on the handle of the brush in what looked like silver paint . He pulled the hair out of the brush and headed for the kitchen . He put the hair in a ziplock bag and added four strands to the simmering potion . It turned red almost immediately . He turned it off and got a beer . He opened it and spilled a bit into the sink . Then he got the dropper he used only for the potion and added nine drops . He could have added less , but he wasn 't taking any chances . He watched it move through the liquid and then disappear . He smiled and headed back to the dining room . He put the beer in front of Donny and sat down in his chair . " This looks better than anything they served at the half - way house , " Donny said with a grin . He looked at Adam . " You make it ? " " I 've been telling Aaron about all the fun we 're gonna have together , " Donny said with a smirk . Then he picked up his beer bottle and took a drink . Adam 's eyes never left his as Donny drank more than half the bottle . He looked at Adam and Adam saw his eyes glaze over . Donny shook his head and looked at Adam again . His eyes were clear one moment and then he was doubled over in pain . The potion was in his system . Adam marveled over how fast it worked . Donny sat back up and looked at his food . " I 'll tell you what 's going on , Donny , " Adam said coldly . " You 're mine now . Forget who you used to be . I 'm going to train you to be the person you were fucking meant to be . " Donny doubled over in pain again and Adam noticed that Aaron was eating his pizza bread with a small smile on his face . He clearly didn 't know what Adam had done , but he knew that Adam had done something . Adam got up and took his plate away and told him to drink the rest of his beer . Donny did that . Adam waited until he was naked . He took his clothes into the bedroom and added them to the pile of clothes that Donny had brought . He hoped this was all he had . If he had more clothes he would likely have to go to where they were and retrieve them . That could lead to questions that Adam didn 't want to answer . He went back to the dining room and found Donny sitting in the chair at the table . That wouldn 't do . " No yelling , Donny , " Adam said . " I 'm going to get you something to drink . It will be all you get to eat or drink today so I suggest you drink it all . " " No , Donny , " Adam replied . " There 'll be no beer for you . Ever . " He pointed to the corner of the room . " Go over there and sit , Donny . " He waited for him to do what he was told and then went to get him a sports bottle of the shake . He came back and handed it to him . He told him to drink it and watched as he did so . He shivered when the bottle was empty and looked at Adam . He looked like he was thinking . Adam smiled . " I know it does , " Adam replied . " You 're going to drink that three times a day . You will be permitted to drink water if you ask nicely , but that 's all you 'll get . " He went into his locked office and got Donny 's rules sheet , his schedule and his contract . He went back to the kitchen and handed them to Donny along with a pen . He waited while Donny read the rules sheet . He looked over at Aaron and found that Aaron had eaten his lunch and was sitting there watching them with interest . " I told you not to think of what you 're going to do to me , " Adam said . " Perhaps I have to order you to do what I want in this . Here goes . Donny , you are never to think bad thoughts about me or Aaron . You are never to think of hurting either of us . You will do exactly what I say when I say it . You won 't ask questions and you won 't lie to me . Now read that set of rules , because you are going to follow them to the letter . " Donny read the rules . It took him a few minutes and Adam waited . When he finished reading he looked back up at Adam . Adam told him to sign the bottom where it indicated . Then he took the rules sheet back . He told him to read the contract and initial where it said and finally to sign where it said . He waited while Donny did that . Then he took the contract from him . He let him look over the schedule and smiled . " You do now , " Adam said . " You 're a fuck toy now , Donny . You 're going to be fucked every day for the rest of your life . I plan to make sure of it . " Adam nodded at Aaron and headed for the basement with Donny behind him . Then he decided to make Aaron wait a bit . He told him to clean up lunch and clean the kitchen . Then to come down and join them . Donny followed behind him and stopped in the doorway of the dungeon . He told him to stand in front of him with his arms straight out . Then he was running his hands over Donny 's body just like he had Aaron 's the night before . He paid special attention to the muscles and the shape of him . He liked the way Donny 's body looked . He didn 't think it needed any work . He decided that toning was all he would need . Then he told him to bend over , put his hands on his knees and push his ass out . He got into position and Adam lubed his index finger . He didn 't rub Donny 's hole . He shoved his finger into him savagely . Donny grunted but stayed in position . Adam found his prostate and smiled when Donny didn 't react . He rubbed it a few times and still he didn 't react . He didn 't have a sensitive prostate . It would make it even worse for him . Adam nearly laughed . He told him to stand up and then had him bend over the horse . He secured his wrists and ankles and then got the paddle . He didn 't say anything . He gave him no numbers to call out . This was just about beating his ass . " That 's it , " Adam said and hit him again . Donny jerked and screamed out again . Adam hit him twenty times until his ass was an angry red . He put the paddle away . Then he put a condom on and lubed his dick . He walked over and shoved his dick into Donny 's ass to the hilt . Donny screamed like he was dying . Adam was suddenly very happy that the dungeon was soundproof . He fucked him hard and fast . Donny kept screaming . Adam kept fucking him . He knew it wouldn 't last long , because he was excited by the fact that his dick was in Donny Coleson 's ass and he was fucking him hard and fast . When he came he slapped Donny 's red ass and pulled out just as fast as he 'd shoved inside him . He turned and saw Aaron standing in the doorway . He took off the condom and handed it to him . Aaron put it in his mouth and sucked the cum out . Adam handed him a new one and Aaron smiled . Adam watched as Aaron took his clothes off . He wasn 't surprised that Aaron was hard . He 'd been wanting this chance for so long . He 'd probably been hard since he left the house to go and get Donny . Now his chance had come . One of them had come anyway . Adam watched as he rolled the condom down over the head and then the shaft of his dick . Then he stepped up to his brother and Adam stopped watching . He didn 't want to see it . No , he didn 't want to see it , but he heard it . " Do you feel it , Donny ? " Aaron yelled . " How many times did you do this to me ? Huh ? How many times did you make my ass bleed over the years ? How many times did you hold me down and shove your dick into me like I 'm doing to you now ? " " Please ? " Aaron snorted . " I begged , Donny . I pleaded . You told me I was born for it . Well guess what , Big Brother , you were the one who was born for it . You ! Do you know how many times I wanted to die ? Do you know how many times I wanted to scream out that you were doing this to me at the dinner table ? " " I prayed every night that you 'd leave me alone , Donny , " Aaron replied . " I prayed that you 'd find someone else to fuck . Then maybe I 'd be free of you . My prayers weren 't answered for a long time . I had to do something that I regret so badly that sometimes I can 't sleep . I had to give you Adam ! " Adam turned at the sound of his name . He watched Aaron 's ass muscles work as he slammed himself into his brother . Then he grabbed him by the hair of his head and pulled his head back . Donny screamed something but Adam didn 't understand him at first . He let out a long moan that was punctuated by each thrust of his brother 's dick into his ass . " You 're not sorry , Donny , " Aaron said , pulling his hair harder , yanking his head back . " You told me all the way here today that you couldn 't wait to have my ass around your dick again . You said you were going to fuck me and make Adam watch ! You said you were going to fuck us both and make us beg for it . So the tables have turned now . Beg for it , Donny ! Beg me to stop ! " " It 's never going to stop , Donny , " Aaron replied . " I guess in a funny way me giving you Adam was the best thing I could have done . Don 't get me wrong , though . I 'm sorry for what I did to Adam . I 'm making up for it with my mouth twice a day and my body every day just like you 'll be making it up to him every day . You know what though ? Adam doesn 't fuck me , Brother . No , he saves that for your sorry ass ! " " Not now , Brother , " Aaron replied . " I 'm gonna cum now . Hear that ? I 'm gonna get off in your ass ! Oh you have no idea how satisfying that is . I hate you , Donny . I hate you so much I 'd kill you if Adam would let me . " Then he thrust his pelvis forward and yanked on Donny 's hair . He threw his head back and yelled as he came into the condom which was all that stood between him and his brother . He pulled out and let go of Donny 's hair . Then he was pulling the condom off his dick slowly and carefully . He turned to face Adam as he put the condom in his mouth and sucked out his cum . Then it was like he couldn 't wait to get out of the dungeon and away from Donny . Adam watched him go and then released Donny from the restraints . Donny stood up and Adam saw that he was crying . Adam paid no attention to the tears . He got the chastity device that he 'd used on Aaron while the guys were there . He locked it in place around Donny 's dick and balls and then led him over to the cages . He made him crawl into the bottom one and then he locked the door . Adam went upstairs and found Aaron 's door closed . He could hear him sobbing through the door . He had no idea how to help him , and he had no desire to . What had happened between the two brothers was nothing he could even fathom . He 'd seen Donny fuck Aaron , and now he 'd seen Aaron fuck Donny . It had been savage and cruel but not so much more cruel than the way Adam had fucked him . The whole thing caused strange emotions to well up in Adam 's heart . He felt angry and sad at the same time . He didn 't know why though . Was he angry at Donny or at Aaron for fucking Donny ? Was he sad for Aaron or was the talk of being raped reminding him of the times Donny had fucked him or what had happened with Melvin . As if thinking the man 's name was a curse Adam began to cry . He went to his own room and crawled onto his bed and sobbed . Melvin was gone , and he was never going to come back . Adam had tried so hard not to think of him . He 'd tried not to cry over him . It was crazy . He 'd fallen in love with a man who had raped him . He 'd fallen in love with the words the man had said , the tenderness he 'd shown him later and the man who 'd held him in his arms at night . Melvin was the first man to ever kiss him , to ever make him feel like he was more than a useless young man who deserved nothing more than hatred and torture . Melvin had been so many things , but he had never been truly his . The potion had caused it all with Melvin . Adam had fallen into his own trap . In a way it was like he 'd been under the effects of his own spell . He was startled by the ringing of his cell phone . He looked at the caller ID and cried a little harder . It was Pete . Pete was the first friend he could remember having . He 'd been the first one to look at him with anything like respect . He 'd been upset that Adam was dating Melvin after what he 'd done to him . Pete cared about him . Sure he was straight and would only ever be his friend , but he cared . " Adam , what 's wrong ? " Pete asked immediately . He 'd no doubt heard the tone of Adam 's voice and known he was crying . " Thanks , Pete , " Adam said , touched by the man 's anger over his being hurt . " You didn 't call me to hear me sob about Melvin . What 's up ? " " Nothing much , " Pete said . " We hadn 't heard from you in a while so I thought I 'd call and see how you 're doing . How do you like Crippin so far ? " " It 's a nice place , " Adam said . " I 've met some people and made a friend or two . At least I think I have . Any way it 's far away from memories that hurt and then not far enough away from them . " " I know it will , " Adam replied . " It just hurts right now . I 'll get through it . I 've been through worse and had bigger disappointments in my life . " When he got off the telephone he got out of the bed and went into his bathroom to wash his face . Then he checked on Aaron , looked at his watch and then opened Aaron 's door . The boy was lying on his bed asleep . He 'd cried himself to sleep , but Adam couldn 't give him an inch . He shook him awake . " It 's time for you to start supper , Aaron , " Adam said . " Make a shake for Donny . I 'm going to go down and have a discussion with him while you 're cooking . " Adam went to the basement after that . He unlocked the dungeon door and turned on the lights . Donny was still in the cage of course , and he wasn 't asleep . He didn 't say anything as Adam unlocked the cage door . Adam stepped back and Donny crawled out of the cage . He stood up and stretched his body . The chastity device looked obscene on him . Adam told him to turn around and put his hands on his knees . Donny got into position and Adam looked at his ass . He checked it for bleeding or tearing . His sphincter muscle was raw and a bit swollen but there was no blood . He told him to hold the position and then went to get the lubricant . He lubed his index finger and poked at Donny 's ass hole . Donny sucked in air as Adam 's finger touched his sphincter . " You 're going to be a bit tender until your hole gets used to being stretched so much , " Adam said . " In a few days I 'll have devices that will make sure your hole gets used enough so that it gets used to the stretching and friction . Right now I have some cream to rub on it that should take care of most of the raw skin . " He went and got the special cream that until now he 'd had no use for . It was thick and greasy and smelled like chap stick . He dug a healthy amount out with his fingers and then slathered it all over Donny 's ass hole . Donny made no comment or sound at all . Then he had him stand up and turn around . " This room is your home now , Donny , " Adam said . " You have no need of clothing or personal effects . I will provide all you need . You will only come out of this room with my permission . You won 't touch anything unless I give you permission either . From now on you will address me as Sir or Master . Is that clear ? " " Also never look me in the eye , Donny , " Adam said . " You keep your head bowed at a respectable level . You never look anyone in the eye , because you are a slave now . You are not a man , you are a fuck toy who men use for their pleasure . I know that you never wanted this , and I know that it 's going to be hard for you . However you deserve everything that 's happened and everything that will happen to you . Do you understand me ? " " Good , " Adam said . " Because I 'm never going to let up . You will be fucked by me , by Aaron and by any other man I decide to let fuck you . When no one is fucking you , you will follow the workout schedule . When you 're done with your workout I will have a special workout routine for you . When that is not in use I will have a machine that will fuck you for hours . You will be milked . That means that you will be masturbated and stimulated until there is no cum left in you . Remember this , though . What comes out of the slave must go back in . You will drink your cum , Donny . You will either drink it straight from the container it is milked into or I will add it to your shake every day . Do you understand ? " " You never speak unless I give you permission , " Adam said . " Your safe word will be the word red . You will only ever use it when I say the word safe word three times . Do you understand ? " " Good , " Adam said . " Because I will never tell you any of this again . You will have to remember . If you slip you will be punished . If you think the spanking you got today was bad then you should not slip . If you do your punishment will make that spanking look like a pat and tickle . Do you understand ? " " Your life has changed now , " Adam said . " You belong to me . You need to get that clear right now . I don 't care about what hurts you or what you don 't like . Your life isn 't about you anymore . It 's about me and what I want . I want you to suffer , and I want you to be fucked over and over again . I 'm doing this because of what you did to me . " " Aaron has his own issues with you , " Adam said . " You need to understand that he is also my slave . He will do anything I tell him to . He fucked you today because he wants revenge for all of the times you held him down and fucked him . I gave him a part of that revenge today . I will decide if he gets another go at you . I will decide what you eat , wear and do for the rest of my life . Is that clear ? " " You will never tell anyone that you don 't want to be my slave , Donny , " Adam said . " If asked and I give you permission to answer your answer will always be that you want to be my slave , you love being my slave and it completes you . Is that clear ? " " Good , " Adam said . " Now follow me upstairs . Your brother should have my supper ready soon . Yours will be the shake . You will sit on the floor beside my chair and I will give you the shake after I have eaten my meal . " Aaron wasn 't nearly finished with the meal though . He had potatoes on the stove boiling and he was opening a can of corn . He had a plastic cup of beef base and the box of corn starch on the counter . The oven was on and there was something in there . One side of the sink was filled with steaming soapy water . A mixing bowl , two measuring cups and a cutting board were in the water . Aaron was wiping the counter with the dish cloth . Adam went into the living room with Donny right behind him . He sat on the couch and told Donny to kneel at the end of the couch next to his legs , facing the couch and to stay quiet . There was nothing on the television that he really wanted to watch . He ended up watching the news . He paid very little attention to the television as he thought about what to do with Donny until his items arrived in the mail . He planned to fuck him again after supper , but he wasn 't going to let Aaron fuck him again until they 'd had a long talk about it . With what had come over Aaron afterward he wasn 't sure that he should allow it to happen again . He had to think about it some more and of course he had to talk to Aaron about it . As for his own melt down he 'd decided to push it aside . It had been a moment of weakness . He couldn 't cry over the past any more . It was time to get on with his revenge . He was still thinking about that when Aaron called him in for supper . What Aaron had prepared was a meatloaf with mashed potatoes , beef gravy and buttered corn . Adam liked it all right . It was delicious . He told him so and they were quiet for a while as they ate . When Adam 's plate was empty he handed the sports cup full of the shake to Donny and told him to drink it all . " I understand that , " Adam said . " But you were savage with the fuck toy . I don 't want him damaged , Aaron . I think it 'll be a while before I let you fuck him again . It will also be a few days before he can be fucked again . " " Well I 'm sure you are , " Adam said as another idea occurred to him . " The fact remains that I can 't fuck my toy for a few days . I 'm not sure that fucking your throat will suffice . What do you suggest ? " Aaron looked at him then . Adam watched his face for any sign that what was coming had dawned on him . He got it as Aaron 's eyes grew large for a moment . Then he looked at Donny who was still drinking his shake and then back at Adam again . He knew what was coming all right . He just didn 't like it . Adam just kept looking at him . " You 're going to fuck me , " Aaron said softly . A haunted look came into his eyes . " Will it be like it was with Donny ? " " I don 't know , Cum Dump , " Adam said , letting him know that it was no longer Adam and Aaron having a discussion . It was Sir and Cum Dump . " You did injure him so that I can 't fuck him for a while . " " I 'm sorry , Sir , " he said , lowering his eyes . " I understand that I did a bad thing . I also understand that I will have to take Fuck Toy 's place until he is able to perform again . " Adam looked at Donny . A cold glint had come into his eyes . It didn 't take much for Adam to figure out what Donny was thinking . He was thinking that Adam would use Aaron the way that Aaron had used him . He was dead wrong about much of what he thought though . Adam planned to punish him for allowing himself to be so damaged that he couldn 't be fucked . He also planned to make him suffer for it . " Don 't look so smug , Fuck Toy , " Adam said , making Donny snap his attention to him . " You allowed yourself to be damaged . Don 't think you 're going to get off without a punishment . Cum Dump will be punished for damaging your hole , yes , but then you will be punished for allowing him to do so . " Donny looked sick at that . He no doubt was thinking about the fact that he 'd been secured to the bondage horse and couldn 't have prevented what had happened . If he was smart he 'd also understand that he was really being punished for two things . One reason was that Adam hated him and wanted him to suffer . The other reason was the look that had come into his eyes when he 'd realized that Aaron would take his place . " Yes , " Adam said when Donny dropped his eyes . " You looked me in the eye . You broke a rule . Tell me , Fuck Toy , what happens when you break one of my rules ? " " So now you 're being punished for allowing your hole to be damaged , " Adam said , thinking that Donny 's first day as his slave would turn out to be legendary . " Then you 're getting punished for looking me in the eye . What do you think your punishment should be , Fuck Toy ? " Adam had read about the effects of raw ginger in a man 's ass on the internet . He 'd bought a large amount of ginger after reading about it . He had no idea if it was actually true that a piece of raw ginger in a man 's ass would make it tingle and itch until it ultimately burned , but he was about to find out . He went to the kitchen as Donny followed him . He opened the fridge and took out the largest piece of ginger he had . Then he got a paring knife from the drawer . He walked down the basement steps with Donny behind him . When they were inside the dungeon he put the ginger and knife on the table . Then he took out four restraint cuffs and walked Donny over to the suspension rig . He attached the cuffs to the cables and then secured Donny 's wrists and ankles . He went back to the cabinet and got the cranks . It took only seconds to assemble each one . Then he turned them until Donny was lifted off the floor with his arms and legs spread apart . He knew it was uncomfortable from the way Donny was breathing . That was good . He asked him if was uncomfortable and smiled . " Well it isn 't over yet , Fuck Toy , " Adam said as he went to the wall and took down a riding crop and a cane . He walked over to Donny and then around the rig to stand behind him . " Count the swats , Fuck Toy . Out loud . " He smacked his left ass cheek with the crop and Donny cried out the number one . He did it ten times on the left cheek with Donny counting . Then he told him to start over from one and started in on the right cheek . When his ass was very red and raw he switched to the cane . He told him to count again from one and then struck just below the left ass cheek . He released the cranks and Donny slowly sank to the floor as his legs came back together . He was still grunting and gasping from the pain of the cane . Adam took the restraints off his wrists , telling him not to touch himself or he 'd suffer . Then he uncuffed his ankles and walked him over to the table . He selected one of the smaller butt plugs from the wall and sat it on the table . Then he told Donny to cut the ginger into the shape of the butt plug . Aaron came into the dungeon as Donny worked on carving the ginger to look like the butt plug . He was still twitching and gasping from the pain of the welts . Aaron slowly stripped out of his clothes , remembering that when he was in the dungeon as the Cum Dump he was to be naked . When his clothes were folded and stacked neatly on the table across from where Donny was carving the ginger Adam walked up behind him and bent him over the table so that his face was just inches from the plug . Then he lubed his dick and shoved it into Aaron 's ass until his pubic bone was mashed against the boy 's ass . Adam didn 't fuck him hard like he 'd fucked Donny . He took his time and enjoyed Aaron 's ass around his dick . He pumped in and out slowly , rubbing Aaron 's back as he did so . The entry had been painful and shocking for Aaron , but Adam didn 't want the whole experience to be terrible for him . He fucked him slow and steady until he felt his orgasm approaching . Then he pulled out quickly and turned Aaron around while shoving him to his knees . He shoved his dick into Aaron 's throat and began to fuck his throat until he held the boy 's head against him and came down his throat . When he let go Aaron coughed and gasped . Adam had a thought about how to make it easier for Aaron . He stood him up and turned him around again , bending him over the table . He took the plug from the table and lubed it . Then he worked it into Aaron 's ass until it was snug . " Now for your punishment for damaging Fuck Toy , " Adam said as he led him over to the horse and secured him . " You know this song , Cum Dump . Count for me . " He selected the hard rubber paddle and gave Aaron fifteen swats on his left ass cheek and then fifteen more on his right . Then he rubbed the cooling ointment into his red ass . He hadn 't done this for Donny and he didn 't plan to . When he uncuffed Aaron and had him standing before him he was shocked by what Aaron did next . " Thank you for punishing me , Sir , " Aaron said , kneeling before him . " This cum dump is sorry for damaging Fuck Toy . And thank you for fucking your cum dump , Sir . Thank you for deciding Cum Dump was worthy . " " Looks good , Fuck Toy , " Adam said . All of the skin had been peeled from the ginger and it looked almost like a butt plug . It had the cone shaped top and the fat bottom with enough left to hang out of his ass when Adam inserted it . " Bring that and come with me . " Adam led him over to the bed and attached the restraint cuffs to the loops and hooks . Then he told Donny to lie down on his stomach . Once Donny was on the bed he cuffed his wrists and ankles to secure him . Then he grabbed one of the hard foam rubber pieces and shoved it under Donny 's lower stomach just above his pubic bone , lifting his ass to the right angle . There was still quite a bit of the soothing salve on and in his hole . Adam took the ginger plug and worked it into Donny 's ass . Donny didn 't even flinch . " That 's just because your hole is still tender , " Adam said . " It 'll do much more pretty soon . You lie here tonight and let the ginger do its thing . We 'll check your ass hole in the morning . If you piss this bed I 'll make you lick it from the sheets . Remember that . Goodnight Fuck Toy . " Adam turned off the lights in the dungeon , closed and locked the door before going upstairs to check on Aaron . Donny was in for a rough night of itching and probably burning . It had his dick hard again thinking about it . He supposed he was turning into a real sadist but he didn 't care . Aaron and Donny deserved everything he gave them and so much more . Still he supposed he could be a bit softer . He wasn 't about to fall into the trap he fell into with Melvin , but Aaron had really been crying over his past that afternoon . That wasn 't a show . He 'd closed his bedroom door and sobbed himself to sleep . Adam felt for him . He wasn 't about to release him or coddle him , but he really felt for him . It was one thing that he hadn 't allowed himself to think about until he 'd heard that sobbing . Aaron 's life may not have been much better than his own . It didn 't excuse what he 'd done to Adam one little bit . It did however deserve one soft moment in a sea of harsh reality . He found Aaron sitting in the living room watching television . He noticed that Aaron was sitting at an odd angle . He was resting his weight more on his hip than on his ass . Adam supposed the entrance and the fucking itself was probably to blame . He had no idea how long it had been since Aaron had been fucked before that day . " Stand up , Aaron , " he said as he came into the living room . " Take your pants off and bend over . I want to check your ass . " When he was standing there in his t - shirt and jock strap bent over with his ass out Adam got behind him and looked him over . There was a tiny bit of redness around his sphincter , but there was no swelling or bleeding . Adam decided he was fine . He told him to get dressed and then went and sat in his usual spot . " The night Donny nearly killed me , " Aaron replied . " He beat me until I couldn 't fight back and then he fucked me so hard that I shit blood for a month . I had a broken nose , two broken fingers and a cracked rib when it was over . I drove myself to the hospital and called the police . I told them everything and they arrested him . I hadn 't been fucked since that night until you fucked me tonight . " " I 'm not proud of that , Adam , " he said . " I fucked him the way he always fucked me , but when it was over I just felt so dirty and awful . I 'm not proud of what I did , because he made me feel like I had turned into him . Does that make any sense ? " " It makes perfect sense , " Adam replied . " I have you , Donny and Melvin to thank for who I am today . Because of the three of you and all of the friends you got to hurt me I 'm a sadistic man who is excited by inflicting pain on others . Then I heard you sobbing over what had happened , and I remembered that I also have a tender side . It pisses me off that you made me remember it . I thought about punishing you for it , and in part I did punish you for that tenderness you reminded me I still had . I also think you deserve something . " " Well I won 't lie and say that it won 't start out that way , " Adam replied . " Your ass is tender already . Do you remember what I did to you when I fingered your ass ? " " That 's exactly what I did , " Adam said . " You do have a sensitive prostate . That means if it 's done properly you should enjoy being fucked . " " So you 're going to fuck me again , " Aaron said , putting his head down again . It wasn 't a question . " Yes , but I think you 're missing the point , Aaron , " replied Adam . " I said if done correctly you should like it . " " So you 're going to do it correctly ? " Aaron asked , looking at him . " Please don 't be angry about this , but do you know how to do it correctly ? I mean my brother was never nice about how he fucked you . " " No he wasn 't , " Adam agreed . " I 'm not angry with your question . The answer is yes I do know how to do it correctly . I learned a lot with Melvin . He was my slave for a year , Aaron . " " Why did you let him go ? " Aaron asked . " I mean I don 't know how this happened to me or Donny , but I know you did something to us that made us do this . I assume you did it to this Melvin guy too . So why is he not here with us or down in the dungeon with my brother ? " " Melvin left on his own , " Adam said , carefully omitting truths . " I didn 't do anything to anyone to make them do anything . I made suggestions and first Melvin then you and finally your brother followed them . It isn 't my fault that the three of you became my slaves . You each did something that made you feel it was necessary to become my slaves and let me show you a fraction of the pain you showed me . " Aaron shocked him after that . He stared at him for a moment and then got up and took off his clothes . Adam watched him until his clothes were folded and sitting in a pile on the couch . Then he stood there with his head down . He looked amazing in nothing but his jock strap . The workouts that he was doing every day were paying off . His muscles were growing . Adam got up and told him to follow him . He went to Aaron 's room and told Aaron to lie on the bed on his back . Then he went after the lubricant . When he came back he spent a little time with Aaron 's legs up . He massaged the lube into his ass hole and teased it with his finger . There was no way he was going to use his mouth . He pushed some lube into Aaron 's ass and then began to finger him . He didn 't go straight for his prostate . He took his time , letting Aaron get used to the finger inside of him . Then he went for the prostate and Aaron hissed and jerked . Adam lubed his middle finger and inserted both his index finger and middle finger into Aaron 's ass . Aaron closed his eyes tightly at this intrusion , but Adam was patient . He slid his fingers in and out , forcing them apart to stretch Aaron 's hole . When Aaron opened his eyes again Adam lubed his ring finger and then he had all three fingers in Aaron 's ass . Aaron was in obvious discomfort for a few minutes , but once he got used to Adam 's three fingers in his ass he relaxed again . Adam went back to rubbing his prostate . He noticed that his dick was leaking precum all over his stomach . Adam put the head of his dick to Aaron 's asshole . He removed his fingers quickly and put the head of his dick inside Aaron 's ass hole before it could close completely . He ran his lubed fingers around his stretched sphincter and told him to push out like he would to shit . Then a few inches slipped inside of Aaron . He kept massaging his sphincter until he was all the way in . Then he wiped his hands on Aaron 's bedspread , changed positions and let Aaron lower his legs until his ankles were resting on Adam 's shoulders . He sounded amazed by this fact . Adam began to slowly pull his dick backward until only the head was trapped by Aaron 's sphincter . Then he pushed it back all the way into him slowly . Aaron grunted . Adam shoved a pillow under his ass and began to slide his dick in and out of him at different angles until Aaron 's eyes flew open and he gasped . Then he fucked him . He picked up speed but never stopped touching his prostate . Aaron closed his eyes again and began to roll his head from side to side . Adam fucked him steadily while watching his face . He knew this would make him cum . He was just waiting for it . He hoped it would be soon , because though he 'd cum three times already that day he was about to cum again . Then he got what he wanted . Aaron 's ass clamped around his dick . Aaron tilted his head back and moaned . Then a rope of cum shot from his dick up his torso and landed between his pecs . Three more shots in rapid succession joined the first . Then there were smaller shots until there was nothing . His ass kept spasming around Adam 's dick , but it was perfect . He pulled out as soon as he felt it . He lowered Aaron 's legs and climbed his body , careful to stay out of his cum . Then he put his dick in Aaron 's mouth and fucked his throat until he came . When he was sated he climbed off of Aaron and told him to eat his cum . Aaron scooped it up with his fingers and stuck them in his mouth over and over again until he had it all . Then he laid back and sighed . Adam asked him how it was . " That was incredible , " Aaron replied . " I never knew getting fucked could feel that good . It 's always been painful and horrible . Tonight was like a whole different world . Thank you , Adam . Thank you for showing me that there was more to it than pain . " " You 're welcome , Aaron , " Adam said . " But that 's the last time I fuck you like that . From now on it will be exactly the way it was in the dungeon . " Please Donate to Nifty to keep the service alive ! I hope you enjoyed the chapter . See all of my stories at my Annex Site or my Authors Haunt Site . If you would like to be informed when I post a chapter or a story or discuss the story with other readers click here . |
Jason has spent almost two full days , without the wound - vac , and I think he has been quite happy about it . The reason I removed the vac is because we are out of a specific piece , that is important for the wound - vac to work properly , without damaging any of the good tissue . We 'll have that material again tomorrow , and he 'll probably have to wear the vac again . He has an appointment tomorrow , and they 'll take a look . Personally I think it is looking pretty good , though it has a ways to go to be able to be considered healed . The girls came home from school yesterday , and Jackie was so very tired . Stacy wasn 't anywhere near as tired , though she wasn 't full of energy either . We were just glad to have them back home , and Linda had them go to bed a little earlier than usual , and I didn 't get them up this morning , until I had to . Tonight , they are doing much better and I think they feel better . The challenge is that we won 't see them again , after they go to school in the morning , until Friday afternoon . My job has been keeping me VERY busy , and that has been a little extra strain on me . I think we 'll get used to it in a couple of months , we just have to work our way through this . I feel kind of bad , in that when I 'm tired I really am not putting forth the best effort , and producing the best product . Seems funny , thinking about the 1990 's as the " Good Old Days , " but that has passed through my mind , a few times . We were much younger then and we were doing great , and in general , the world was doing much better than it is today . If I recall , back in the 19th century ( before my time ) , they had the " Gay 90 's " and in the 20th century we had our " Gay 90 's " . . . I wonder , does that mean the world will have to wait until the 2090 's to have good times again . . . I hope not . Things are going well right now , and we 're making progress around the house . The garage is getting put into better shape ; Jason 's truck was just serviced and is operating quiet well . The van is now in for its service maintenance so all we have left to do is get our little Fusion in and all vehicles will be ready for another run around town . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . An excellent day for getting some things done , and clearing out a portion of the garage . We were up very early and right after breakfast Linda and I were working on the garage . We want to be able to have at least the one side open for Jason to be able to park his truck inside the garage . There is just so much stuff that it is proving to be a bit of a challenge . Thanks , to the efforts put forth today , we made some excellent progress , and I 'd say that maybe in another week or so we 'll have that goal accomplished . Jason also had some friends over , Joselynn and her son Bobby , and they helped Jason work on a few things he wanted to get done . Actually , the big thing he wanted done was to get his guns cleaned and right now I think Bobby is the only one he feels comfortable doing this . It was good to see them any way . We were all done by about 17 : 30 , and felt very tired . Tomorrow I don 't plan on working too much on the garage , but I 'm sure I 'll get some time in . Linda does plan on doing a little more , so I know she 'll try to get it finished . The rest of the day , the evening was relaxed and we just sat back and watched a movie , we also had dinner , as I fixed some pork chops and baked potatoes . We are still anxiously wait for Jason to be able to do more , so we 'll just have to be patient . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Did a dressing change on Jason today , and the wound is looking better . I felt compelled to say that right up front , because the rest of the story looked a little rough . It was a busy day for us , and we were moving about as fast as we could , to deal with all the different issues and things coming at us . I had made a couple of appointments for Linda and I to go see the optometrist and found out that my eyes are still in pretty good shape , though I do need to wear reading glasses . I passed 60 , more than a couple of years ago , so I 'm happy that my eyes are as good as they are . My distance vision is still pretty good , so I am still listed as 20 / 20 . Linda , on the other hand still has her need for glasses , and so he wrote up a prescription for her , and she is getting some cool looking glasses - sun glasses , actually , as she can use them for driving , and she almost always wears sunglasses when she drives . We 're trying to put together a small get away for the two of us , for our 40th anniversary . I 've been able to secure a place we both like , and I think I 've found somebody who will be able to come in and help support Jason while we are out . If we can 't find somebody , then we don 't go . I spoke with Jon ( that 's all I 'll call him for now ) today , and he has a medical background and training , so it could be a perfect fit . He would come over with his wife and either stay here while we 're out , or drive back and forth from his home in Oceanside , to here . Like I said , I did a dressing change for Jason and he is looking much better . The concern I had was the amount of blood that came from the wound . He normally doesn 't bleed that much , and there was some definite irritation on his skin from the bandages that have been used . The trouble is that because of the wound - vac we have to treat his wound care this way . He did feel a great deal better after his shower , though , and that is a very good thing . Not much more happening , so I 'll close for now . Tomorrow we might be going over to a neighbor 's house - one of the new people we 've met , since moving in . If we do , we won 't be staying long , but we want to cultivate new friendships so that we can get to feeling more like we are really at home . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . The day started out without much difference , as Linda got the girls off to school , while I stayed at the house with Jason , and worked . I work from home and that makes it a little easier to balance our work - life situations . Linda came back from the school and shortly thereafter she was getting ready to go out with Jason , to his medical appointments . The medical appointments were good , and they did find out that Jason is healing , but there was also a concern expressed , by his doctor that more needed to be accomplished with getting adequate seating for Jason . We are working with the team at Cal Poly , and we feel they are doing their best to provide a solid solution for Jason , but we also don 't want that to be an excuse or distraction for the VA and keep them from doing what they can to provide a good seat for Jason . Bottom line is that he , Dr . Sheu called the VA and he is continuing a dialog with them , so that they don 't " sit back . " Linda and I need to step up our vigilance to keep the folks at the VA focused , as well . Today , since the girls are not with us for the next several days ( 5 days ) , Linda and I decided to go out to dinner . Loretta had come over , and she came along with us , and it was nice being able to just sit back and relax and talk , and not have to worry about the meal . Jason did not come , as he had been up way too long , with the medical appointments , so he wanted to remain down , and quite frankly , I was in total agreement with him . We came back from dinner , and we got to come in the new gated entrance , and it was pretty cool . Everything worked just like it was supposed to , so we felt pretty good about the entire evening . One of the reasons that Loretta had come over was so that she and Linda could work on going through more of the boxes in the garage . We have way too much to go through , and it will probably be another year ( maybe more ) before we have the garage completely free of " move " stuff . In the mean time , the two of them will continue to work on the boxes - tonight they went through five more boxes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another interesting day , and one that ended with a very nice visit from some friends of ours . It started out , very much like many other days and progressed upward from there . The girls were at school on time , and Linda was taking care of the house . George was at work and Jason was playing one of his favorite video games and bouncing around on Face Book . This is how many of our days begin , and I guess we can expect to see many more of them . An early arrival at the house was the two guys who were to finish working on the entry gate to Jason 's property . The gates are looking very good and both the fence and the gates compliment each other . The two installers were here for the better part of today , and when they left the gate was working . It wasn 't doing everything they had basically promised , but it was close , and like I said , the gate is now functional . The big issue missing is the connection to our phone system . It is supposed to be that when someone comes up , that doesn 't know Jason 's code , they can simply call in from the intercom box , by the gate , and we can open the gate from the phone . Because we 're stuck with DSL the communications is a little more tricky so we have to have our communications guys here also , so that they can work together . I really do wish we had something better than DSL . They will come back once I have both parties coordinated to show up , here , at about the same time . We also had a visit from TJ , of MLA ( the contractor who built the house ) and Kurt , the project coordinator / manager from Carrington , who was helping to insure the project was on time . Anyway , they came over to let us know that Home Depot had awarded a grant ( the Gary Sinise Foundation had applied for the grant ) for some outdoor items and we need to pick out what we would like . The only challenge is that what we can order has to be done quickly , so that it can be here by November 10 , and we hadn 't even had a chance to look at the choices , at that point . Fortunately , they came prior to the girls coming , so both Linda and I could focus on the discussion , and there was plenty of that . Working with Jason , Linda and I were able to come up with some suggestions , and it looks like we 're going to be receiving a few more things for the house . If I understand it correctly , it looks like the Home Depot grant is available for only a few of the houses , and we feel fortunate to be one of the recipients . Finally , this evening we had two more visitors , Stephanie Lanier and Mike Shlitz ( a Wounded Warrior ) whom we got to meet some time back , and they wanted to come by and visit with Jason . Stephanie works for the Gary Sinise Foundation , and does a lot of the event coordination and planning . Mike tours the country , speaking as a motivational speaker , and is also a GSF Ambassador , and helps the foundation out where he can . It was really great to have them come by and spend some time with Jason , and they were able to even stay for dinner . We all sat around the main table with Jason sitting at the head of the table . Seeing as how today is Tuesday , that means we know already what dinner is going to be . . . It 's Taco Tuesday ! Stephanie and Mike were able to stay for a few hours and we felt blessed to have them visit . As it was , Stephanie was our first guest to drive through the new gates . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was one of those days where you kind of sit back and say to yourself , " What happened with the day today ? " It was a very busy day for all of us , and before we realized it , it was over , and I wasn 't really sure what was accomplished . How can a day be so busy and it felt like not much happened ? The day started with us getting up at a little after 06 : 00 and then getting the girls moving . I can usually get out of the bedroom faster than Linda , so I went down and woke the two sleeping beauties , and within a few minutes , probably no more than three , Linda was making sure they were still getting out of bed , and starting to get ready for school . While she did that I got Jason something to eat . Right after that I went to work . Tonight Jason was going to be making dinner , then decided that he wasn 't ready to be up that much , and gave the instructions to Linda , on what he wanted to do . He calls it his Tater - tot casserole , and I have to admit , it does taste pretty good . My personal taste is that I like to put some Cholula on it to give it a little more punch - but that 's me . After dinner , we put the girls to bed and then Linda and I did something we often don 't get a chance to do , and that is simply relax and talk . No one asking us for anything , and Jason had fallen asleep already . It was very nice . Not too much happened after that and we are just about ready to hit the sack ourselves . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive , I nice relaxed day . So relaxed , in fact that we didn 't get up until quite late . I am typically up by 07 : 15 , even on the weekend , and today that stretched out to 09 : 15 . I guess we just needed to get some sleep and it felt pretty good . Of course it threw our schedule completely off , and we didn 't get to church , as we were already late . Linda did make it to her Blue Star Mothers meeting , but all - in - all , I think it was okay . Obviously we needed to rest , and we finally did . The girls and I walked the entire property today , just looking at plants and different things . I picked up a few things that the fence people left behind , and that was a little disappointing , though at least now I know it has been picked up . The girls were very excited to walk it with me , and to get a better idea of just how big Daddy 's yard is , and to have a better understanding of how it is all laid out . The property on our left is occupied and looking nice , and the lot on our right is still totally open . The one bit of unexpected excitement was when my phone stopped working . I went down to Sprint and upgraded , and it went smoother than expected . The new phone is a droid or Samsun S6 , and it is supposed to be a better phone , and camera . I need to get all the data transferred from the old phone to the new one , and that might prove to be a challenge . The guys at Sprint gave me some ideas , so I 'll work on that tomorrow . The evening was spent with us doing some cleaning and just enjoying each other 's company . Linda fixed a very nice chicken dinner , and then the girls got their dessert . Jason took his shower , and I did a dressing adjustment - I can 't say change , because most of it remained the same . I just needed to adjust some parts so that the wound - vac could continue to function . The good news is that it is looking better , and we will continue to work to get it to improve even more . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A nice relaxed day here at the Ross household . I got up a little earlier than the rest of the house , though it was still after 07 : 30 . Yes , I actually slept in a little . I probably would have slept / rested a little longer , but I wanted to get out for a bike ride . Something I haven 't done in a few months or so . I needed to find all my stuff , though I basically knew where it was , and do a little minor adjustments on the bike and make sure the tires were full . I did walk the house and woke up the girls . Jason was already awake , and Linda had gotten up a little while after I did . Then I was out the door and on my ride . The ride was short - about 5 miles , and all of it hills . Fallbrook has lots of hills and some of them are actually pretty steep . I met one of the folks along the way , who doesn 't live too far from us . He has been living here for about 50 years , and is also a bike rider . He told me of a few trails and said that the hills could be tough , but that was part of the benefit of riding here . We talked for about 5 minutes and then I was off , headed up the rest of the way , up the hill I was on at the time . The only other thing we did was to take the girls to go get some shoes at Stride Rite , and was I surprised . Both of them are growing fast . Stacy has gotten out of children 's sizes and now wears a 1 - 1 / 2 and Jackie is right at 13 in children 's size . It was a bit of a family adventure , though Jason wasn 't able to come with us . We were gone for about an hour or so , and then the rest of the day we were at home . One of the interesting things we saw , when we returned was a hole , very close to the house , that looks like it might have been made by a ground squirrel or some other rodent . I 'm going to be attempting to catch it tomorrow , and then see if I can encourage it to live somewhere else . I really don 't want to have to deal with a bunch of holes in the yard , and have to concern myself with people spraining their ankles or worse . I have to admit though , we were aware of the rodent populations around here , they even have a " Gopher Canyon " not too far from here ( about 6 miles ) . Tomorrow should be another good day to relax - though Linda has to take care of some Blue Star Mothers responsibilities . The rest of us will be staying home , and taking care of things around here , after we get home from Church . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Okay , we have two weeks until Halloween . I guess we 're going to need to see what we can do about putting some decorations up , though I honestly don 't expect to see any kids come to the house . Jason has a gate on the entrance now , so coming up would be a bit of a challenge , to say the least . I don 't think he is attempting to isolate the property , just establishing some security for the family , and especially his girls . Also , on the plus side is the gate and fence that will soon be in place , really does look nice . We didn 't do much today , other than the normal stuff around the house , and I went to work , at my bedroom desk . Linda got her plantation shutters installed today , and they look very nice . Actually the installer did it while I was " at work , " and he didn 't bother the conference call that I was on , at all . He was in and out in a matter of just a few minutes . I got to see him do a little of the work , and it was obvious he had done this before . Another thing that we did was to go to Joe 's Hardware , a locally owned , and independent , hardware store , to pick up some parts for the sprinklers . While there Linda and the girls looked at Fall decorations and before we left she took our picture , by one of the Fall displays - the three of us have our heads in the " pumpkin " cut outs . The girls enjoyed it and I did too . Jason had a shower today , and I did a complete change out of the wound - vac dressing . The wound continues to improve , though it has a ways to go . I 'm going to stand by my two to three weeks of the wound - vac , though I 'm concerned it might go a little longer . I 'm hoping that Jason can get a few more visitors to drop by , as that helps . He has been getting a few each week , and that helps , I just want to see it continue . The other thing we 're continuing with is finding another health aid for Jason . The one we thought we had , suddenly had to stop , so we 're back at square one , and interviewing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was like so many other days , with Linda getting the girls up and ready for school ( I helped a little ) , while I was working . I actually got up at about 04 : 30 and was on the phone with my team lead before 05 : 00 . He is on the East Coast , so it wasn 't particularly early for him , it just happened to be the best time for us to get together to discuss the project we are working on . I 'm enjoying being involved with working again , but I am also starting to recognize that I don 't bounce back like I did when I was in my 20 's and 30 's ( I wonder what happened ? ? ? Anyway , Linda got the girls off to school and they will be gone for a couple of days now , and then we 'll have them for another 5 - day period . It seems very strange not having them around now , we 've gotten so used to them being here . Even Jason 's dogs seem to be looking for them , when they walk around the house . Jason had his regular appointment with Wound Care , at Balboa Hospital , and the news was just as I expected , that he would be wearing the Wound - Vac for another week , and probably next week as well . The good news is that things continue to heal , and the left side has remained closed up . Getting out is a big plus for Jason , as he spends all that time in bed . I 'm just glad that the internet provides so much diversion for him . He can only watch so much TV and play video games . It is a long slow process , but it is at least making progress . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I were at the Carrington Golf Classic , in Newport Coast at the Pelican Resort . We went for a couple of days - well , almost two full days , and had a nice relaxed time . We were asked to come , so that I could speak to the folks there , and give them a brief glimpse of Jason 's story , and it was well received . While there I did relax a little and Linda got a full Spa day . While there Jason was being attended to by Joselynn , who stayed at the house with him , for the two days . He relaxed and really didn 't do too much , other than what he would normally do , right now , and that is play video games and watch some TV . We 're hoping that the continued resting and staying down is going to be the key to his healing , and so far it seems to be working . Not much more to report on right now , so thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A quick catch up for yesterday , is that the installers , building the rest of the fence around the property , and installing the gate have made some progress . The entry gate is going to look really cool , and as friendly as a gate can be , I guess . The rest of the fence is pretty much the same as the other fence that Jason had installed , just not as tall , only six feet , around the property . One other thing about the gate is the sign that Jason wanted set on one of the pillars . Jason received the sign from our friend , and fellow Marine , Tim Kirk . I need to take a picture of it , so I can show you how it looks . He did have a couple of visitors last night , from the group that helps with the training of the service dogs . They brought dinner by and stayed to visit with Jason for a while . It was a nice change of pace for him , and the best part was that the husband was a former EOD tech , and is still a Marine , so he and Jason had more to talk about . I think it was as good for Byron ( the husband ) as it was for Jason . Otherwise we worked around the house and Linda was able to get some shopping done . Today was a little different , as Linda took off early this morning to go to a Blue Star Mothers meeting , and was gone until about 14 : 30 ( 2 : 30pm ) . This meant that it was Jason and I , all to ourselves , which means not too much was done around the house , until Linda got back home . As it was I had a number of tasks to get done , and focused on those and Jason was also able to focus on taking care of a couple of things , and also play a video game or two . One of the other things we did yesterday was watch Lethal Weapon 2 , since we watched the original movie , Lethal Weapon , Thursday night . Tonight we watched Lethal Weapon 3 , and it was as crazy as the other two were , and very typical of the exploding cars and car chases , and don 't forget the shoot outs as well as explosions . The real fun though , has been to watch the development of technology , as the theme gets a little older . The first one , was made in the early 1980 's and it even had a " cell - phone " , that they carried around , sometimes . It was huge ! This last one , Lethal Weapon 3 , the cell phones were of the 1990 's versions . A bit smaller , but still kind of bulky in comparison to today 's cell phones . I guess I 'm still a geek at heart and I just enjoy looking at that kind of stuff . Jason and I watched some programs together , while Linda was gone , and it was good to be able to just relax and talk about the different stuff that was being shown . It ranged from geological tectonics to astronomical ideas about how the planets are moving at very high speeds away from each other , or towards each other , depending on the scenario . It is almost falling back into that comfortable feeling of just being together , and forgetting about the injuries for a little while . Dinner tonight was a bit of a catchall , leftovers kind of night . Jason ended up having some burritos , from the turkey and beans we had cooked up and then I had the rest of Jason 's soup . I also had one burrito , and Linda had two burritos , and we were able to eliminate most of the leftovers . All - in - all it has been a nice evening . Thank you , for your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Got up this morning and was already to be on a call within a few minutes , okay , several minutes - it was about 06 : 20 , and then I remembered there was a call scheduled for 06 : 00 - I was already late for the call and I hadn 't yet booted my system . By the time I was able to join the call it was in full swing and I managed to " sneak " in quietly . We , the team , completed the call and the client was happy . I was able to engage in part of the conversation , and actually be a part of the call . Once the call was over , the client got off the and the team remained on , and we stayed on for almost another 90 minutes . I was very happy that Linda was there to help get Jason his breakfast before having to take off for her appointments and errands . Jason was up a couple of times today , and even has a good conversation with a couple of the contractors , still working around the property . He is having an entry gate put in , along with fencing the rest of the property . The progress is very good , and they should be done in less than a week , and we 'll have it so the dogs can move around a little more . I 'm sure Jason won 't want them out front still , but its nice to know that with the fence we 'll have a little more security . When I helped Jason with his shower and did the dressing change , it was one of the easiest I 've had the opportunity to do . Typically I set aside an hour to do everything , from start of the shower , changing of the sheets on his bed , to addressing the needs of the wound care ; and , it usually takes close to that amount of time , plus or minus a few minutes . Today , it was like it took maybe closer to 40 minutes , and everything worked very smoothly . Jason has a meeting set up with the teachers and the administration from the girls school and they are coming to the house to talk with him . The cool part about this is because of Linda 's efforts , this is happening . She went and let then know that they had an obligation to speak with a dad who is interested in his kids education , and the fact that he could not come to them , they needed to come to him . The principle agreed and now it is happening . . . Way to go Linda ! Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Yesterday was a busy day for us , as I had to work a few extra hours to get some things done that we needed for a presentation today . I think I got to bed at about 23 : 30 ( 11 : 30 ) , and then back up at 06 : 15 this morning . Linda has been taking care of the house and the girls and also working crazy hours , and we both need a break . I 'm looking at next year , after the first of the year , before things are going to slow down a little . We also had a nice visit from a couple we 've gotten to know , over the past couple of years . Dan and Kelly came by , and stayed for a nice little visit . They actually came while we were out , with the girls getting them jackets , and spent some time with Jason . I thought that was very good , as it gave Jason something else to do , rather than just play video games , and it allowed him a chance to visit with some friends that we only get to see a few times a year . Well , actually , we 'll be seeing them more often now , as they told us they were moving to Fallbrook . They 've already secured a place to stay , and they should be moved in , in a matter of a few weeks . I was just thinking that what I just wrote might have sounded a little harsh on Jason , but the reality is that he is putting forth a great deal of effort to get himself healed up . In fact Linda and I were talking about what he goes through , by just staying in bed . He could be up and moving around , but he knows that it would not be good for the wounds , so he stays down . I don 't think I could do what he does , and not get grouchy or go crazy . He is an amazing young man . Today , like I said , we were up a little after 6 : 00 , and I went to get the girls up and moving , while Linda took a little time to get herself ready . Its kind of the pattern we 've developed , since Linda has to be ready to go out with the girls and take them to school and I only have to sit in front of a computer - it doesn 't matter what I look like . The sad part about this morning was that the girls will be gone for the next 5 - days , and it is really going to be strange around here without them . Tonight Linda went with our friend , Loretta , to go shopping and to spend a little " girl time " together . For fun they went to Costco and spent some time just wandering around the store . Okay , maybe not " wandering " , but they did buy a few things . They were back home at about 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) and then I got to help unload the car . That was pretty much the day . Well , tomorrow is going to be another exciting day , and I am hoping that I get a chance to maybe get out side and do a few things around the house . The yard has a bunch of new plant growth in some areas , and I want to get rid of it , before it gets too big . It looks like tumble - weed , and that stuff is really bad to have to deal with , once it starts growing . The weather looks to be nice for the next couple of days , then it might start to rain again . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . The daily grind is continuing and surprisingly , it is beginning to feel like it is the normal flow of things , and we get to the end of the day and we don 't feel totally wiped out . The " we " I 'm speaking of is Linda and I , and we are developing a nice team approach to everything we are doing , then again , it is almost necessary , for us to survive . The girls are doing well , and seem very happy to be here with us , and they are getting to spend more and more time with their daddy , and Jason is really enjoying it . I think moving to this new home has been better than we ever imagined , and it is going to be where Jason finds his new purpose in life , besides being the girl 's daddy . Linda got the girls off to school and I was involved with work for most of the day . I did get out of the " office " a few times and took care of Jason 's needs - usually more water . He goes through more water than just about anyone else around . He must drink at least a gallon a day , and probably more . The reason he drinks so much is because of the medicines he takes , and I think he just likes water anyway . Tonight we had chicken and rice with some steamed veggies , and then apple pie for dessert , along with ice cream of course . After dinner we relaxed a little and I even received a phone call from my brother Charlie - well , he actually called just prior to dessert . It was good to hear from him , as I had not for the past couple of months . I was hoping that he would get a chance to come down sometime this year , but it is starting to look like next Spring will be as soon as he can get here . Anyway , as Linda got the girls ready for bed and a story , I was helping Jason with his shower and a dressing change . The wound - vac continues to do its job , and the healing is moving . It is a slow process , and we just have to be patient . This coming Sunday and Monday , Linda and I will be taking a couple of days to ourselves , as we have been invited to an event up at Dana Point . We will be speaking to a crowd of people there and sharing our story about Jason and how it has affected the entire family . This is an annual event , put on by the Carrington Charitable Foundation , as one of their major fund raisers , so they can support the Gary Sinise Foundation , and other support organizations . Hope we can get through it without getting too emotional . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today turned out to be a pretty good day . I woke up and found that it was still wet outside from an earlier rain . Linda was still sleeping , and I didn 't want to bother her , so I got up and walked out of our bedroom , and saw a bit of a mess . First a little back ground on what happened . Jason had purchased a " Dogie - Door " for the dogs , and I only just recently installed it ( about a week ago ) . Both dogs are very comfortable with it now and go in and out of his bedroom and the backyard very frequently . Well , as you might expect with a fresh rain , there is also some fresh mud , and Kojak found it . Gracie is the type that won 't go out in to the rain , unless she absolutely has to , and then come right back when she is done . Kojak , on the other hand , seems to enjoy it very much and when he came back in he left trails all over the place , of where he had been , in the house . So , as a result , one of the first things I did was to start cleaning up the floor . It really didn 't take too long , probably no more than 1 / 2 an hour , and it was quite work . Jason was awake and I think he was enjoying the rain , as we haven 't really had much in the past several months , so this was kind of nice . Along with cleaning up after the dogs I also took down the umbrella , from the patio , and put it in the garage , and then took down the flags , as Jason didn 't want to leave them out , in case it began to rain again ( which it did a bit later ) . After getting all that done I ran down to the store to pick up some eggs , so that I could fix the pancake and eggs breakfast I had promised the girls . The rest of the day was just sitting around having a nice relaxed time , enjoying the weather and each other 's company . The girls all got up a little later than usual ( they had stayed up late last night ) and Linda was needing some extra sleep , as she is dealing with a little bug or something . She was feeling better by this evening , so I think the extra sleep and just kicking back was good for her , too . The real surprise today , though , was that Jason decided to fix dinner , and then right after , he stayed out and had dinner with us , at the table . Jason sat at the head of the table with Stacy and Jackie on each side . You could tell the girls were very excited and happy to have Daddy sitting with them . AND , he said grace before we ate . We haven 't had Jason say grace in a long time . And for those who are wondering - Dinner was Jason 's soup . It was excellent , as usual and this time he made enough that we have some left over . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A very nice day that started with a breakfast of French Toast , and as per usual , we ate nearly the entire loaf of Texas Toast . The surprising part was that Stacy ate more than Jackie , and usually it is the other way around , and on top of that Linda didn 't eat anything . She was busy getting things ready for the Picture People , as we were heading that direction right after breakfast - and so we did . Once we were at the photo place , we didn 't have to wait too long , and we were soon in with a photographer who has a great deal more patience than I do , when it comes to that sort of thing . Jackie is still a very active 5 - year old , who thought of the session as a great game and she wanted to play . Of course the photographer is used to working with all kinds of kids and so Jackie was actually pretty easy for her , and Stacy was even better . Stacy does pretty much exactly what you ask her to do , and then she 'll hold the position as long as you need her to . Once the session was over Linda wanted to wait , rather than have to drive back down later . This was okay , because the girls had seen a small train on the third level of the mall , and so while Linda waited at the store I took them up to go for a ride on the " train . " It was a neat little set of linked cars that pulled around by an engine that I think is gas powered , though I may be mistaken . When the ride was over we went and had a little snack and then back to the photo store where Linda was viewing the pictures , and almost done . We didn 't have to wait too long and then we were out the door , headed back to the van ( we rode in the van to the mall ) . We drove home and then made lunch for everybody . After lunch it was time for a nap ( brain rest ) and everybody took some time to relax . We were expecting some guests ( Glenn and Anne Pickette ) were coming for dinner tonight . They are the wonderful people who took care of Candy and Pumpkin while we lived in Pt . Loma . They came over and we had lasagna and it was very good . They had gone to an Italian restaurant that they liked and now we have one that we 're going to be checking out more . Dinner was very good and nice to have some one spend the time with Jason too . We all went out side to take a look at the stars for a short while and hoped to see an iridium flair , but for whatever reason we didn 't see it . Perhaps it was still too early in the day , as it wasn 't quite dark yet . Anyway , shortly after that we came back in and sat down to watch Scooby - Doo with the girls , because the Pickettes had brought the movie with them , specifically for the girls . It was a silly movie , about chasing monsters and bad guys , and the girls loved it . Once that was over it was time for the girls to get to bed and then once that was done the Pickettes needed to get back home , and so the day was pretty much done . It has been a good relaxed day , and we actually managed to clean up a few things . Tomorrow I expect to see less activity , though you never really know what to expect . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayer . Take care and stay positive . I know there are a number of folks out there who like to read this , on a regular basis . There really hasn 't been much change , other than a new gate going up , in front of the house . It will probably be completed in a few days , depending on how long it takes the concrete to dry . Otherwise , Jason is doing well , and continuing to heal . The girls are spending lots of time with us , and are doing well in school . Linda is taking them to the Picture People , tomorrow ( I 'm going along to help where I can ) to get some good pictures for our enjoyment . I 'm kind of tired right now because we stayed up and watched Casper the Friendly Ghost with the girls , and now I 'm ready for bed ( I was up later because of catching up on emails , after the movie ) . Look for more of a post tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
Jason has spent almost two full days , without the wound - vac , and I think he has been quite happy about it . The reason I removed the vac is because we are out of a specific piece , that is important for the wound - vac to work properly , without damaging any of the good tissue . We 'll have that material again tomorrow , and he 'll probably have to wear the vac again . He has an appointment tomorrow , and they 'll take a look . Personally I think it is looking pretty good , though it has a ways to go to be able to be considered healed . The girls came home from school yesterday , and Jackie was so very tired . Stacy wasn 't anywhere near as tired , though she wasn 't full of energy either . We were just glad to have them back home , and Linda had them go to bed a little earlier than usual , and I didn 't get them up this morning , until I had to . Tonight , they are doing much better and I think they feel better . The challenge is that we won 't see them again , after they go to school in the morning , until Friday afternoon . My job has been keeping me VERY busy , and that has been a little extra strain on me . I think we 'll get used to it in a couple of months , we just have to work our way through this . I feel kind of bad , in that when I 'm tired I really am not putting forth the best effort , and producing the best product . Seems funny , thinking about the 1990 's as the " Good Old Days , " but that has passed through my mind , a few times . We were much younger then and we were doing great , and in general , the world was doing much better than it is today . If I recall , back in the 19th century ( before my time ) , they had the " Gay 90 's " and in the 20th century we had our " Gay 90 's " . . . I wonder , does that mean the world will have to wait until the 2090 's to have good times again . . . I hope not . Things are going well right now , and we 're making progress around the house . The garage is getting put into better shape ; Jason 's truck was just serviced and is operating quiet well . The van is now in for its service maintenance so all we have left to do is get our little Fusion in and all vehicles will be ready for another run around town . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . An excellent day for getting some things done , and clearing out a portion of the garage . We were up very early and right after breakfast Linda and I were working on the garage . We want to be able to have at least the one side open for Jason to be able to park his truck inside the garage . There is just so much stuff that it is proving to be a bit of a challenge . Thanks , to the efforts put forth today , we made some excellent progress , and I 'd say that maybe in another week or so we 'll have that goal accomplished . Jason also had some friends over , Joselynn and her son Bobby , and they helped Jason work on a few things he wanted to get done . Actually , the big thing he wanted done was to get his guns cleaned and right now I think Bobby is the only one he feels comfortable doing this . It was good to see them any way . We were all done by about 17 : 30 , and felt very tired . Tomorrow I don 't plan on working too much on the garage , but I 'm sure I 'll get some time in . Linda does plan on doing a little more , so I know she 'll try to get it finished . The rest of the day , the evening was relaxed and we just sat back and watched a movie , we also had dinner , as I fixed some pork chops and baked potatoes . We are still anxiously wait for Jason to be able to do more , so we 'll just have to be patient . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Did a dressing change on Jason today , and the wound is looking better . I felt compelled to say that right up front , because the rest of the story looked a little rough . It was a busy day for us , and we were moving about as fast as we could , to deal with all the different issues and things coming at us . I had made a couple of appointments for Linda and I to go see the optometrist and found out that my eyes are still in pretty good shape , though I do need to wear reading glasses . I passed 60 , more than a couple of years ago , so I 'm happy that my eyes are as good as they are . My distance vision is still pretty good , so I am still listed as 20 / 20 . Linda , on the other hand still has her need for glasses , and so he wrote up a prescription for her , and she is getting some cool looking glasses - sun glasses , actually , as she can use them for driving , and she almost always wears sunglasses when she drives . We 're trying to put together a small get away for the two of us , for our 40th anniversary . I 've been able to secure a place we both like , and I think I 've found somebody who will be able to come in and help support Jason while we are out . If we can 't find somebody , then we don 't go . I spoke with Jon ( that 's all I 'll call him for now ) today , and he has a medical background and training , so it could be a perfect fit . He would come over with his wife and either stay here while we 're out , or drive back and forth from his home in Oceanside , to here . Like I said , I did a dressing change for Jason and he is looking much better . The concern I had was the amount of blood that came from the wound . He normally doesn 't bleed that much , and there was some definite irritation on his skin from the bandages that have been used . The trouble is that because of the wound - vac we have to treat his wound care this way . He did feel a great deal better after his shower , though , and that is a very good thing . Not much more happening , so I 'll close for now . Tomorrow we might be going over to a neighbor 's house - one of the new people we 've met , since moving in . If we do , we won 't be staying long , but we want to cultivate new friendships so that we can get to feeling more like we are really at home . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . The day started out without much difference , as Linda got the girls off to school , while I stayed at the house with Jason , and worked . I work from home and that makes it a little easier to balance our work - life situations . Linda came back from the school and shortly thereafter she was getting ready to go out with Jason , to his medical appointments . The medical appointments were good , and they did find out that Jason is healing , but there was also a concern expressed , by his doctor that more needed to be accomplished with getting adequate seating for Jason . We are working with the team at Cal Poly , and we feel they are doing their best to provide a solid solution for Jason , but we also don 't want that to be an excuse or distraction for the VA and keep them from doing what they can to provide a good seat for Jason . Bottom line is that he , Dr . Sheu called the VA and he is continuing a dialog with them , so that they don 't " sit back . " Linda and I need to step up our vigilance to keep the folks at the VA focused , as well . Today , since the girls are not with us for the next several days ( 5 days ) , Linda and I decided to go out to dinner . Loretta had come over , and she came along with us , and it was nice being able to just sit back and relax and talk , and not have to worry about the meal . Jason did not come , as he had been up way too long , with the medical appointments , so he wanted to remain down , and quite frankly , I was in total agreement with him . We came back from dinner , and we got to come in the new gated entrance , and it was pretty cool . Everything worked just like it was supposed to , so we felt pretty good about the entire evening . One of the reasons that Loretta had come over was so that she and Linda could work on going through more of the boxes in the garage . We have way too much to go through , and it will probably be another year ( maybe more ) before we have the garage completely free of " move " stuff . In the mean time , the two of them will continue to work on the boxes - tonight they went through five more boxes . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Another interesting day , and one that ended with a very nice visit from some friends of ours . It started out , very much like many other days and progressed upward from there . The girls were at school on time , and Linda was taking care of the house . George was at work and Jason was playing one of his favorite video games and bouncing around on Face Book . This is how many of our days begin , and I guess we can expect to see many more of them . An early arrival at the house was the two guys who were to finish working on the entry gate to Jason 's property . The gates are looking very good and both the fence and the gates compliment each other . The two installers were here for the better part of today , and when they left the gate was working . It wasn 't doing everything they had basically promised , but it was close , and like I said , the gate is now functional . The big issue missing is the connection to our phone system . It is supposed to be that when someone comes up , that doesn 't know Jason 's code , they can simply call in from the intercom box , by the gate , and we can open the gate from the phone . Because we 're stuck with DSL the communications is a little more tricky so we have to have our communications guys here also , so that they can work together . I really do wish we had something better than DSL . They will come back once I have both parties coordinated to show up , here , at about the same time . We also had a visit from TJ , of MLA ( the contractor who built the house ) and Kurt , the project coordinator / manager from Carrington , who was helping to insure the project was on time . Anyway , they came over to let us know that Home Depot had awarded a grant ( the Gary Sinise Foundation had applied for the grant ) for some outdoor items and we need to pick out what we would like . The only challenge is that what we can order has to be done quickly , so that it can be here by November 10 , and we hadn 't even had a chance to look at the choices , at that point . Fortunately , they came prior to the girls coming , so both Linda and I could focus on the discussion , and there was plenty of that . Working with Jason , Linda and I were able to come up with some suggestions , and it looks like we 're going to be receiving a few more things for the house . If I understand it correctly , it looks like the Home Depot grant is available for only a few of the houses , and we feel fortunate to be one of the recipients . Finally , this evening we had two more visitors , Stephanie Lanier and Mike Shlitz ( a Wounded Warrior ) whom we got to meet some time back , and they wanted to come by and visit with Jason . Stephanie works for the Gary Sinise Foundation , and does a lot of the event coordination and planning . Mike tours the country , speaking as a motivational speaker , and is also a GSF Ambassador , and helps the foundation out where he can . It was really great to have them come by and spend some time with Jason , and they were able to even stay for dinner . We all sat around the main table with Jason sitting at the head of the table . Seeing as how today is Tuesday , that means we know already what dinner is going to be . . . It 's Taco Tuesday ! Stephanie and Mike were able to stay for a few hours and we felt blessed to have them visit . As it was , Stephanie was our first guest to drive through the new gates . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was one of those days where you kind of sit back and say to yourself , " What happened with the day today ? " It was a very busy day for all of us , and before we realized it , it was over , and I wasn 't really sure what was accomplished . How can a day be so busy and it felt like not much happened ? The day started with us getting up at a little after 06 : 00 and then getting the girls moving . I can usually get out of the bedroom faster than Linda , so I went down and woke the two sleeping beauties , and within a few minutes , probably no more than three , Linda was making sure they were still getting out of bed , and starting to get ready for school . While she did that I got Jason something to eat . Right after that I went to work . Tonight Jason was going to be making dinner , then decided that he wasn 't ready to be up that much , and gave the instructions to Linda , on what he wanted to do . He calls it his Tater - tot casserole , and I have to admit , it does taste pretty good . My personal taste is that I like to put some Cholula on it to give it a little more punch - but that 's me . After dinner , we put the girls to bed and then Linda and I did something we often don 't get a chance to do , and that is simply relax and talk . No one asking us for anything , and Jason had fallen asleep already . It was very nice . Not too much happened after that and we are just about ready to hit the sack ourselves . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive , I nice relaxed day . So relaxed , in fact that we didn 't get up until quite late . I am typically up by 07 : 15 , even on the weekend , and today that stretched out to 09 : 15 . I guess we just needed to get some sleep and it felt pretty good . Of course it threw our schedule completely off , and we didn 't get to church , as we were already late . Linda did make it to her Blue Star Mothers meeting , but all - in - all , I think it was okay . Obviously we needed to rest , and we finally did . The girls and I walked the entire property today , just looking at plants and different things . I picked up a few things that the fence people left behind , and that was a little disappointing , though at least now I know it has been picked up . The girls were very excited to walk it with me , and to get a better idea of just how big Daddy 's yard is , and to have a better understanding of how it is all laid out . The property on our left is occupied and looking nice , and the lot on our right is still totally open . The one bit of unexpected excitement was when my phone stopped working . I went down to Sprint and upgraded , and it went smoother than expected . The new phone is a droid or Samsun S6 , and it is supposed to be a better phone , and camera . I need to get all the data transferred from the old phone to the new one , and that might prove to be a challenge . The guys at Sprint gave me some ideas , so I 'll work on that tomorrow . The evening was spent with us doing some cleaning and just enjoying each other 's company . Linda fixed a very nice chicken dinner , and then the girls got their dessert . Jason took his shower , and I did a dressing adjustment - I can 't say change , because most of it remained the same . I just needed to adjust some parts so that the wound - vac could continue to function . The good news is that it is looking better , and we will continue to work to get it to improve even more . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A nice relaxed day here at the Ross household . I got up a little earlier than the rest of the house , though it was still after 07 : 30 . Yes , I actually slept in a little . I probably would have slept / rested a little longer , but I wanted to get out for a bike ride . Something I haven 't done in a few months or so . I needed to find all my stuff , though I basically knew where it was , and do a little minor adjustments on the bike and make sure the tires were full . I did walk the house and woke up the girls . Jason was already awake , and Linda had gotten up a little while after I did . Then I was out the door and on my ride . The ride was short - about 5 miles , and all of it hills . Fallbrook has lots of hills and some of them are actually pretty steep . I met one of the folks along the way , who doesn 't live too far from us . He has been living here for about 50 years , and is also a bike rider . He told me of a few trails and said that the hills could be tough , but that was part of the benefit of riding here . We talked for about 5 minutes and then I was off , headed up the rest of the way , up the hill I was on at the time . The only other thing we did was to take the girls to go get some shoes at Stride Rite , and was I surprised . Both of them are growing fast . Stacy has gotten out of children 's sizes and now wears a 1 - 1 / 2 and Jackie is right at 13 in children 's size . It was a bit of a family adventure , though Jason wasn 't able to come with us . We were gone for about an hour or so , and then the rest of the day we were at home . One of the interesting things we saw , when we returned was a hole , very close to the house , that looks like it might have been made by a ground squirrel or some other rodent . I 'm going to be attempting to catch it tomorrow , and then see if I can encourage it to live somewhere else . I really don 't want to have to deal with a bunch of holes in the yard , and have to concern myself with people spraining their ankles or worse . I have to admit though , we were aware of the rodent populations around here , they even have a " Gopher Canyon " not too far from here ( about 6 miles ) . Tomorrow should be another good day to relax - though Linda has to take care of some Blue Star Mothers responsibilities . The rest of us will be staying home , and taking care of things around here , after we get home from Church . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Okay , we have two weeks until Halloween . I guess we 're going to need to see what we can do about putting some decorations up , though I honestly don 't expect to see any kids come to the house . Jason has a gate on the entrance now , so coming up would be a bit of a challenge , to say the least . I don 't think he is attempting to isolate the property , just establishing some security for the family , and especially his girls . Also , on the plus side is the gate and fence that will soon be in place , really does look nice . We didn 't do much today , other than the normal stuff around the house , and I went to work , at my bedroom desk . Linda got her plantation shutters installed today , and they look very nice . Actually the installer did it while I was " at work , " and he didn 't bother the conference call that I was on , at all . He was in and out in a matter of just a few minutes . I got to see him do a little of the work , and it was obvious he had done this before . Another thing that we did was to go to Joe 's Hardware , a locally owned , and independent , hardware store , to pick up some parts for the sprinklers . While there Linda and the girls looked at Fall decorations and before we left she took our picture , by one of the Fall displays - the three of us have our heads in the " pumpkin " cut outs . The girls enjoyed it and I did too . Jason had a shower today , and I did a complete change out of the wound - vac dressing . The wound continues to improve , though it has a ways to go . I 'm going to stand by my two to three weeks of the wound - vac , though I 'm concerned it might go a little longer . I 'm hoping that Jason can get a few more visitors to drop by , as that helps . He has been getting a few each week , and that helps , I just want to see it continue . The other thing we 're continuing with is finding another health aid for Jason . The one we thought we had , suddenly had to stop , so we 're back at square one , and interviewing . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today was like so many other days , with Linda getting the girls up and ready for school ( I helped a little ) , while I was working . I actually got up at about 04 : 30 and was on the phone with my team lead before 05 : 00 . He is on the East Coast , so it wasn 't particularly early for him , it just happened to be the best time for us to get together to discuss the project we are working on . I 'm enjoying being involved with working again , but I am also starting to recognize that I don 't bounce back like I did when I was in my 20 's and 30 's ( I wonder what happened ? ? ? Anyway , Linda got the girls off to school and they will be gone for a couple of days now , and then we 'll have them for another 5 - day period . It seems very strange not having them around now , we 've gotten so used to them being here . Even Jason 's dogs seem to be looking for them , when they walk around the house . Jason had his regular appointment with Wound Care , at Balboa Hospital , and the news was just as I expected , that he would be wearing the Wound - Vac for another week , and probably next week as well . The good news is that things continue to heal , and the left side has remained closed up . Getting out is a big plus for Jason , as he spends all that time in bed . I 'm just glad that the internet provides so much diversion for him . He can only watch so much TV and play video games . It is a long slow process , but it is at least making progress . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Linda and I were at the Carrington Golf Classic , in Newport Coast at the Pelican Resort . We went for a couple of days - well , almost two full days , and had a nice relaxed time . We were asked to come , so that I could speak to the folks there , and give them a brief glimpse of Jason 's story , and it was well received . While there I did relax a little and Linda got a full Spa day . While there Jason was being attended to by Joselynn , who stayed at the house with him , for the two days . He relaxed and really didn 't do too much , other than what he would normally do , right now , and that is play video games and watch some TV . We 're hoping that the continued resting and staying down is going to be the key to his healing , and so far it seems to be working . Not much more to report on right now , so thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A quick catch up for yesterday , is that the installers , building the rest of the fence around the property , and installing the gate have made some progress . The entry gate is going to look really cool , and as friendly as a gate can be , I guess . The rest of the fence is pretty much the same as the other fence that Jason had installed , just not as tall , only six feet , around the property . One other thing about the gate is the sign that Jason wanted set on one of the pillars . Jason received the sign from our friend , and fellow Marine , Tim Kirk . I need to take a picture of it , so I can show you how it looks . He did have a couple of visitors last night , from the group that helps with the training of the service dogs . They brought dinner by and stayed to visit with Jason for a while . It was a nice change of pace for him , and the best part was that the husband was a former EOD tech , and is still a Marine , so he and Jason had more to talk about . I think it was as good for Byron ( the husband ) as it was for Jason . Otherwise we worked around the house and Linda was able to get some shopping done . Today was a little different , as Linda took off early this morning to go to a Blue Star Mothers meeting , and was gone until about 14 : 30 ( 2 : 30pm ) . This meant that it was Jason and I , all to ourselves , which means not too much was done around the house , until Linda got back home . As it was I had a number of tasks to get done , and focused on those and Jason was also able to focus on taking care of a couple of things , and also play a video game or two . One of the other things we did yesterday was watch Lethal Weapon 2 , since we watched the original movie , Lethal Weapon , Thursday night . Tonight we watched Lethal Weapon 3 , and it was as crazy as the other two were , and very typical of the exploding cars and car chases , and don 't forget the shoot outs as well as explosions . The real fun though , has been to watch the development of technology , as the theme gets a little older . The first one , was made in the early 1980 's and it even had a " cell - phone " , that they carried around , sometimes . It was huge ! This last one , Lethal Weapon 3 , the cell phones were of the 1990 's versions . A bit smaller , but still kind of bulky in comparison to today 's cell phones . I guess I 'm still a geek at heart and I just enjoy looking at that kind of stuff . Jason and I watched some programs together , while Linda was gone , and it was good to be able to just relax and talk about the different stuff that was being shown . It ranged from geological tectonics to astronomical ideas about how the planets are moving at very high speeds away from each other , or towards each other , depending on the scenario . It is almost falling back into that comfortable feeling of just being together , and forgetting about the injuries for a little while . Dinner tonight was a bit of a catchall , leftovers kind of night . Jason ended up having some burritos , from the turkey and beans we had cooked up and then I had the rest of Jason 's soup . I also had one burrito , and Linda had two burritos , and we were able to eliminate most of the leftovers . All - in - all it has been a nice evening . Thank you , for your continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Got up this morning and was already to be on a call within a few minutes , okay , several minutes - it was about 06 : 20 , and then I remembered there was a call scheduled for 06 : 00 - I was already late for the call and I hadn 't yet booted my system . By the time I was able to join the call it was in full swing and I managed to " sneak " in quietly . We , the team , completed the call and the client was happy . I was able to engage in part of the conversation , and actually be a part of the call . Once the call was over , the client got off the and the team remained on , and we stayed on for almost another 90 minutes . I was very happy that Linda was there to help get Jason his breakfast before having to take off for her appointments and errands . Jason was up a couple of times today , and even has a good conversation with a couple of the contractors , still working around the property . He is having an entry gate put in , along with fencing the rest of the property . The progress is very good , and they should be done in less than a week , and we 'll have it so the dogs can move around a little more . I 'm sure Jason won 't want them out front still , but its nice to know that with the fence we 'll have a little more security . When I helped Jason with his shower and did the dressing change , it was one of the easiest I 've had the opportunity to do . Typically I set aside an hour to do everything , from start of the shower , changing of the sheets on his bed , to addressing the needs of the wound care ; and , it usually takes close to that amount of time , plus or minus a few minutes . Today , it was like it took maybe closer to 40 minutes , and everything worked very smoothly . Jason has a meeting set up with the teachers and the administration from the girls school and they are coming to the house to talk with him . The cool part about this is because of Linda 's efforts , this is happening . She went and let then know that they had an obligation to speak with a dad who is interested in his kids education , and the fact that he could not come to them , they needed to come to him . The principle agreed and now it is happening . . . Way to go Linda ! Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Yesterday was a busy day for us , as I had to work a few extra hours to get some things done that we needed for a presentation today . I think I got to bed at about 23 : 30 ( 11 : 30 ) , and then back up at 06 : 15 this morning . Linda has been taking care of the house and the girls and also working crazy hours , and we both need a break . I 'm looking at next year , after the first of the year , before things are going to slow down a little . We also had a nice visit from a couple we 've gotten to know , over the past couple of years . Dan and Kelly came by , and stayed for a nice little visit . They actually came while we were out , with the girls getting them jackets , and spent some time with Jason . I thought that was very good , as it gave Jason something else to do , rather than just play video games , and it allowed him a chance to visit with some friends that we only get to see a few times a year . Well , actually , we 'll be seeing them more often now , as they told us they were moving to Fallbrook . They 've already secured a place to stay , and they should be moved in , in a matter of a few weeks . I was just thinking that what I just wrote might have sounded a little harsh on Jason , but the reality is that he is putting forth a great deal of effort to get himself healed up . In fact Linda and I were talking about what he goes through , by just staying in bed . He could be up and moving around , but he knows that it would not be good for the wounds , so he stays down . I don 't think I could do what he does , and not get grouchy or go crazy . He is an amazing young man . Today , like I said , we were up a little after 6 : 00 , and I went to get the girls up and moving , while Linda took a little time to get herself ready . Its kind of the pattern we 've developed , since Linda has to be ready to go out with the girls and take them to school and I only have to sit in front of a computer - it doesn 't matter what I look like . The sad part about this morning was that the girls will be gone for the next 5 - days , and it is really going to be strange around here without them . Tonight Linda went with our friend , Loretta , to go shopping and to spend a little " girl time " together . For fun they went to Costco and spent some time just wandering around the store . Okay , maybe not " wandering " , but they did buy a few things . They were back home at about 20 : 00 ( 8pm ) and then I got to help unload the car . That was pretty much the day . Well , tomorrow is going to be another exciting day , and I am hoping that I get a chance to maybe get out side and do a few things around the house . The yard has a bunch of new plant growth in some areas , and I want to get rid of it , before it gets too big . It looks like tumble - weed , and that stuff is really bad to have to deal with , once it starts growing . The weather looks to be nice for the next couple of days , then it might start to rain again . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . The daily grind is continuing and surprisingly , it is beginning to feel like it is the normal flow of things , and we get to the end of the day and we don 't feel totally wiped out . The " we " I 'm speaking of is Linda and I , and we are developing a nice team approach to everything we are doing , then again , it is almost necessary , for us to survive . The girls are doing well , and seem very happy to be here with us , and they are getting to spend more and more time with their daddy , and Jason is really enjoying it . I think moving to this new home has been better than we ever imagined , and it is going to be where Jason finds his new purpose in life , besides being the girl 's daddy . Linda got the girls off to school and I was involved with work for most of the day . I did get out of the " office " a few times and took care of Jason 's needs - usually more water . He goes through more water than just about anyone else around . He must drink at least a gallon a day , and probably more . The reason he drinks so much is because of the medicines he takes , and I think he just likes water anyway . Tonight we had chicken and rice with some steamed veggies , and then apple pie for dessert , along with ice cream of course . After dinner we relaxed a little and I even received a phone call from my brother Charlie - well , he actually called just prior to dessert . It was good to hear from him , as I had not for the past couple of months . I was hoping that he would get a chance to come down sometime this year , but it is starting to look like next Spring will be as soon as he can get here . Anyway , as Linda got the girls ready for bed and a story , I was helping Jason with his shower and a dressing change . The wound - vac continues to do its job , and the healing is moving . It is a slow process , and we just have to be patient . This coming Sunday and Monday , Linda and I will be taking a couple of days to ourselves , as we have been invited to an event up at Dana Point . We will be speaking to a crowd of people there and sharing our story about Jason and how it has affected the entire family . This is an annual event , put on by the Carrington Charitable Foundation , as one of their major fund raisers , so they can support the Gary Sinise Foundation , and other support organizations . Hope we can get through it without getting too emotional . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . Today turned out to be a pretty good day . I woke up and found that it was still wet outside from an earlier rain . Linda was still sleeping , and I didn 't want to bother her , so I got up and walked out of our bedroom , and saw a bit of a mess . First a little back ground on what happened . Jason had purchased a " Dogie - Door " for the dogs , and I only just recently installed it ( about a week ago ) . Both dogs are very comfortable with it now and go in and out of his bedroom and the backyard very frequently . Well , as you might expect with a fresh rain , there is also some fresh mud , and Kojak found it . Gracie is the type that won 't go out in to the rain , unless she absolutely has to , and then come right back when she is done . Kojak , on the other hand , seems to enjoy it very much and when he came back in he left trails all over the place , of where he had been , in the house . So , as a result , one of the first things I did was to start cleaning up the floor . It really didn 't take too long , probably no more than 1 / 2 an hour , and it was quite work . Jason was awake and I think he was enjoying the rain , as we haven 't really had much in the past several months , so this was kind of nice . Along with cleaning up after the dogs I also took down the umbrella , from the patio , and put it in the garage , and then took down the flags , as Jason didn 't want to leave them out , in case it began to rain again ( which it did a bit later ) . After getting all that done I ran down to the store to pick up some eggs , so that I could fix the pancake and eggs breakfast I had promised the girls . The rest of the day was just sitting around having a nice relaxed time , enjoying the weather and each other 's company . The girls all got up a little later than usual ( they had stayed up late last night ) and Linda was needing some extra sleep , as she is dealing with a little bug or something . She was feeling better by this evening , so I think the extra sleep and just kicking back was good for her , too . The real surprise today , though , was that Jason decided to fix dinner , and then right after , he stayed out and had dinner with us , at the table . Jason sat at the head of the table with Stacy and Jackie on each side . You could tell the girls were very excited and happy to have Daddy sitting with them . AND , he said grace before we ate . We haven 't had Jason say grace in a long time . And for those who are wondering - Dinner was Jason 's soup . It was excellent , as usual and this time he made enough that we have some left over . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . A very nice day that started with a breakfast of French Toast , and as per usual , we ate nearly the entire loaf of Texas Toast . The surprising part was that Stacy ate more than Jackie , and usually it is the other way around , and on top of that Linda didn 't eat anything . She was busy getting things ready for the Picture People , as we were heading that direction right after breakfast - and so we did . Once we were at the photo place , we didn 't have to wait too long , and we were soon in with a photographer who has a great deal more patience than I do , when it comes to that sort of thing . Jackie is still a very active 5 - year old , who thought of the session as a great game and she wanted to play . Of course the photographer is used to working with all kinds of kids and so Jackie was actually pretty easy for her , and Stacy was even better . Stacy does pretty much exactly what you ask her to do , and then she 'll hold the position as long as you need her to . Once the session was over Linda wanted to wait , rather than have to drive back down later . This was okay , because the girls had seen a small train on the third level of the mall , and so while Linda waited at the store I took them up to go for a ride on the " train . " It was a neat little set of linked cars that pulled around by an engine that I think is gas powered , though I may be mistaken . When the ride was over we went and had a little snack and then back to the photo store where Linda was viewing the pictures , and almost done . We didn 't have to wait too long and then we were out the door , headed back to the van ( we rode in the van to the mall ) . We drove home and then made lunch for everybody . After lunch it was time for a nap ( brain rest ) and everybody took some time to relax . We were expecting some guests ( Glenn and Anne Pickette ) were coming for dinner tonight . They are the wonderful people who took care of Candy and Pumpkin while we lived in Pt . Loma . They came over and we had lasagna and it was very good . They had gone to an Italian restaurant that they liked and now we have one that we 're going to be checking out more . Dinner was very good and nice to have some one spend the time with Jason too . We all went out side to take a look at the stars for a short while and hoped to see an iridium flair , but for whatever reason we didn 't see it . Perhaps it was still too early in the day , as it wasn 't quite dark yet . Anyway , shortly after that we came back in and sat down to watch Scooby - Doo with the girls , because the Pickettes had brought the movie with them , specifically for the girls . It was a silly movie , about chasing monsters and bad guys , and the girls loved it . Once that was over it was time for the girls to get to bed and then once that was done the Pickettes needed to get back home , and so the day was pretty much done . It has been a good relaxed day , and we actually managed to clean up a few things . Tomorrow I expect to see less activity , though you never really know what to expect . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayer . Take care and stay positive . I know there are a number of folks out there who like to read this , on a regular basis . There really hasn 't been much change , other than a new gate going up , in front of the house . It will probably be completed in a few days , depending on how long it takes the concrete to dry . Otherwise , Jason is doing well , and continuing to heal . The girls are spending lots of time with us , and are doing well in school . Linda is taking them to the Picture People , tomorrow ( I 'm going along to help where I can ) to get some good pictures for our enjoyment . I 'm kind of tired right now because we stayed up and watched Casper the Friendly Ghost with the girls , and now I 'm ready for bed ( I was up later because of catching up on emails , after the movie ) . Look for more of a post tomorrow . Thank you , for all the continued support and prayers . Take care and stay positive . |
Nathan is on afternoon shift today so he was home to take the older boys to school this morning and to pick up a few things from the supermarket . Felix and I got treated to breakfast in bed when he got home , which I wasn 't expecting . Nathan came into the bedroom , where Felix and I were having a play , and brought in a tiny teacup and saucer filled with a baby - cino ( a cup of cappuccino foam with chocolate powder on top ) , for Felix . There were a couple of pieces of croissant sitting next to it on the saucer too . My bigger version ( plus coffee ) followed . Yum ! The funniest thing was Felix 's reaction . Bear in mind that usually Felix will happily grab our empty coffee mugs and try and drink the drips from the bottom of them . His response to the tiny little cup and saucer was to be horrified and nearly throw himself off the side of the bed . Nathan and I couldn 't help it ; we laughed so much . It was such a funny reaction and totally unexpected . After a couple of seconds , Felix got a little bit more inquisitive and moved a tiny bit closer towards the teacup and saucer . We could tell that he really wanted to touch it but he was still a bit wary . Nathan scooped up some of the froth onto a teaspoon and put it in Felix 's mouth . He didn 't need any more convincing after that . He grabbed the spoon and started scooping it into his mouth by himself . He didn 't stop until it was all gone , then looked at my coffee and said " Mmmmmm " . Felix was extraordinarily smiley today . He couldn 't wipe the grin off his face all day . He charmed all of the ladies at the shops ; smiling and pointing and doing his ' Ooooooooh ' face . He had a beaming smile when he was sitting on the toilet , and had nothing but grins when he ate his dinner . He was still smiling tonight when I dressed him in his pajamas and put him to bed . I wasn 't in the greatest of moods today , but that gorgeous face lightened my mood so much . How can I feel grumpy when I look at that smile ? This is what I have had to look at all day . It 's been pretty tough , but somebody had to do it ! ! x x x Posted by We have just arrived home from a whirlwind trip to Adelaide to celebrate our beautiful , Amy 's , 21st birthday . We had a nice dinner earlier in the night with Amy and her boyfriend , Daniel and Cate , Bekah , Joshua ( who drove down with us ) and Amy 's boyfriend 's lovely parents . Prior to Amy 's party , we were able to meet Daniel 's future parents - in - law ( also very lovely people ) for the first time , and have a look at the wedding venue he and Cate have chosen , which is stunning ! In the evening , we had a great night with Amy at her party , caught up with some friends and suitably embarrassed Amy with a video of her life which Nathan had made for her . We have never left Felix overnight before , but because Amy 's party was in the city and we knew it was going to be a late night , we decided to leave him with my parents ; his first sleepover ! Poor little guy had been stuck in the car for five hours , so it was nice for him to get out at Granny and Papa 's house and have a big play . He reached out for his Granny as soon as we arrived and was playing and having fun in no time . I thought I had better take Felix to the toilet before we left for the night . I put his potty seat onto the toilet , took his nappy off and sat him up there . Felix , being the busy little person he is , wriggles around quite a bit while he 's on the toilet . He likes to grab for the toilet paper , look through empty toilet rolls or play with an empty tampon box ( bit weird I know , but it keeps him occupied ) . Felix can reach the toilet door at my Mum 's house if he leans forward and stretches a bit . He found out the hard way that his potty seat doesn 't fit quite as well on Granny 's toilet as it does at home . He leaned forward too far and the seat flipped out from under him . He fell , legs first , into the toilet . Actually , it was one leg in the toilet and the other one on the outside ! Thankfully , my reflexes were quick enough to grab him before the rest of him fell in . I had to refrain from laughing out loud ; it was so funny . He looked quite puzzled as to what had happened . I quickly fixed the seat and sat him back on the potty ( put him back on the horse so to speak ) , because I didn 't want him to feel scared to sit on there again . I removed his soggy sock and let him finish his business ! Never a dull moment with Felix around . When we left Felix at my parent 's place ( with an extensive list of instructions ) , he was playing happily on the floor with my Mum sitting beside him . It was comforting to know he was having fun and not bothered when we left . I checked in with Mum an hour or so later and she told me that he was happy and settled , but hadn 't eaten anything for dinner and they couldn 't get him to drink anything . She was laughing when she told me they ended up with about five different plates of food in front of him to try and get him to eat . It had been a very long day for Felix , and sometimes when he 's tired he doesn 't eat much so Mum and Dad put him to bed and he fell asleep straight away . This morning I sent Mum a text message to check on the little guy . They had a very early start at 5am and Felix still hadn 't eaten anything or had anything to drink . True to form , he was still ridiculously happy and didn 't seem bothered at all . I told Mum that he must have decided to go on a hunger strike to protest us leaving him . When we arrived to pick him up , he had just eaten a little bit but still hadn 't had a drink . I picked him up and gave him a kiss then put his cup to his mouth . He had a HUGE drink and then looked back over my shoulder and gave my parents the cheekiest grin . Little monkey ! I never thought it could be possible to get any prouder of our little man . His communication is literally getting better every day . He was sitting , playing with his toys , near the front window of our house this afternoon and very excitedly told me every time a car drove past outside . He made a noise to get my attention , then signed the word " car " and then pointed repeatedly towards the window . I responded by saying , " I know . There 's a car outside . " He beamed a huge smile ! I love the look of satisfaction on his face when he knows I 've understood exactly what he 's telling me . Later in the day Isaiah said to me , " Mum , quick , Felix needs to go to the toilet . " I asked him how he knew that , and he told me that Felix had asked him ( by signing " toilet " ) Isaiah then scooped Felix up and ran him up to his potty , took his nappy off and put him on it . The little champion did a huge big wee ! I was impressed for two reasons . Firstly , that Isaiah was paying enough attention to see what word Felix was signing to him ; and secondly that Felix actually asked to go to the toilet . Usually I will ask him at different intervals during the day and he will sign it to me when he hears the word ' toilet ' , but he has never actually approached any of us to ask before . Super excited about that . Hopefully he will keep it up . One of Felix 's new signs is the word ' train ' . He is a little bit obsessed with them at the moment . On his ipad , he will press the picture of the train over and over again to hear the noise it makes . Today I was holding Noah while Joel and Mel were out . Felix , my little green eyed monster , came over to make sure that Noah wasn 't getting all of the attention . He noticed , straight away , that Noah had a picture of a train on the front of his shirt . He pointed to it and started signing ' train ' ; and then later when he was pushing a toy train along , I saw that he was signing ' train ' to himself . It 's pretty cute when we catch him ' talking ' to himself . Hello handsome I know some parents of children with Down Syndrome who have not started learning to sign with them yet , or are unsure about whether or not to bother . Again , I really encourage you to try it . Sometimes it takes a while for children to pick it up and start signing themselves and I understand that can be frustrating . I can assure you , however , that if you keep it up they will eventually start signing and you will be so thankful you persisted ( especially if they are much later to speak or non - verbal ) . I have spoken to several parents who wish they had kept signing because they are now struggling with very frustrated children who have limited spoken vocabularies . Who knows what the future holds ; maybe your child with Down Syndrome will learn to speak quite early ( and some do ) ; but what have you got to lose from having a bit of fun learning to sign ? It 's been a laugh for our family to learn it together ( some are better than others ) , and we 've really enjoyed it . Tomorrow we have to make the trek back to the city again . It will just be an overnight visit this time for our daughter , Amy 's , 21st birthday . We are looking forward to spending some time with her , celebrating together . Felix is having his first overnight sleepover with Granny and Papa without us there . I feel a bit of a maternal ' pang ' about leaving him , but at the same time I 'm looking forward to some time with my gorgeous hubby . It will be our first child free night since Felix was born . Besides , Felix has so much fun when he 's with my parents that I don 't think he 'll notice we 're not there . There will be a ton of stories and songs . Papa will show him the trees and plants in the front yard , and Granny will be showing him how to jump like a frog . He 'll have a great time . My thoughts will be with a beautiful family tomorrow as they farewell their precious little butterfly . Her ten short months of life touched so many people , and she will be forever in our hearts . Sleep sweetly little one x x x A while ago I wrote a blog about the first time Felix gave me kisses . I was so excited and loved every single dribbly , wet smooch . Unfortunately for me , he only did it for a few days and then the kisses all disappeared . Well , I 'm pleased to say that after a short recess , the kisses are back . OK . . . maybe not for me this time , but for Daddy , which is pretty special . Last night before he went to bed , he leaned in and planted one right on Nathan 's lips . He ended up giving him three or four , which was one of the sweetest things to watch . Hopefully I might be lucky enough to get one again soon . After Felix had finished giving Daddy lots of kisses , Nathan gave me a kiss . Felix thought it was so funny ; he started giggling then he pushed Nathan 's head towards me so he would give me another kiss and then laughed some more . It 's so great to see Felix gaining more awareness of emotions and how certain behaviours affect those around him . He seems to know when people need a cuddle or need a laugh . I 've heard a lot of people say they think people with Down Syndrome are more in tune to how others are feeling than the rest of us . I thought initially that it was just another stereotype , but I 'm beginning to think there might be some truth in it . I took Felix back to the Doctor today after our scare on Sunday night . Thankfully , apart from a bit of a cold , he has been given a clean bill of health . His chest is clear , which is a relief , but the Doctor said that if it happens again we need to get him straight to hospital . He said he was quite worried about him on the night . In a way it was reassuring to hear him say that , and it wasn 't just me overreacting . I think Nathan is still recovering from me yelling at him to get in the car NOW ! Poor guy ran out of the door in bare feet , pulling on a pair of shorts and with a tshirt in his hands . I 'm usually pretty calm so he knew that there must be a reason for me being so frantic . This afternoon our eldest son , Daniel ( 22 ) , dropped in to pick up his dog which we had been looking after for a couple of weeks ( that would be 5 dogs in the backyard ! ) . He , and Joel ( 17 ) , sat on the floor and played with Felix for a while . He loves climbing all over his big brothers , so having two of them on the floor at the same time was pretty special ! We were talking about when we thought Felix would be walking , so one of the boys stood Felix up and held him until he was stable , then let go so he was standing alone . The other one then held out his arms to Felix and asked him to walk to him . It was fantastic to see Felix take a couple of steps between them a few times . He definitely knows how to do it , he just needs the confidence now . I 'm not quite sure how I 'll feel about him walking . I 'm still enjoying the baby stage but he 's growing up so fast . Felix is enjoying his ipad , and has already learnt a lot from it . He loves the ' Twinkle , twinkle little star ' app , and plays the song over and over while he does the actions . It 's so incredibly cute ! He has one application that shows four pictures and then makes a sound relating to one of them . When he hears the sound we can say , " That 's a bird noise . Point to the bird " and he will point to the bird . Obviously , there are a lot of things he still doesn 't know the name of yet , but it 's exciting to see the progress in his comprehension in the short time he 's been using it . He loves all of the animal apps ; touching the animals and hearing the sounds they make . He 's a fan of monkeys and pigs at the moment and makes the sounds for both of them . Just a little bit gorgeous ! Felix is still a bit unwell today . His nose is runny and he sounds very crackly in his chest and has a horrible cough . Even though he 's not feeling the best , he is eating much better and showed us lots of his crazy faces which have been missing for the last few days . I haven 't mentioned many of Felix 's firsts lately , but he has a few new cute ones . He has always loved the song ' Twinkle , twinkle , little star ' , and could already wiggle his fingers like they were twinkling and does half a diamond by touching his thumbs together . This past week he has finally learnt the ' Up above the world so high ' bit . He points both his pointer fingers and stretches his arms as high as he can up to the sky . SO cute ! ! ! Another thing he has started to do is shake his head for ' No ' . He will crawl up to something he knows he 's not meant to touch , then he will look at me and shake his head . He will then go on to touch it anyway and then look at me with a cheeky smile until I tell him off and move him away . Isaiah ( 14 ) , commented today that he can 't believe how much Felix can actually communicate to us these days . He 's finding it a lot easier to understand what Felix is asking and what he wants . It just goes to show that you don 't always need the spoken word to communicate . I asked Isaiah to wipe the front of the cupboards in the kitchen today . Felix was looking for something to do so I gave him a sponge as well . He helped Isaiah and had so much concentration on his face as he wiped the cupboard . I 'm glad I thought ahead and gave him a brand new sponge , though , because it inevitably ended up in his mouth . I really try to include Felix in little jobs around the house and make a bit of a game about it . I want him to be able to contribute in the same way the other kids learnt to do when they were younger , and help him become self - sufficient as he grows . Felix isn 't usually allowed to touch the computers at home . He has pulled a few of the keys off ( I 'm now an expert at writing my blog with no ' L ' key ) . This afternoon I sat Felix up on the bed next to Nathan , who was on his computer . Mine was sitting on the bed closed . Felix looked sideways at Nathan to check if he was looking , and then picked up my laptop and pried it open . He kept looking back at Nathan to see if he was going to tell him off or not . When he got the laptop open , he began ' typing ' on the keys . He still kept checking Nathan 's face to see if he was in trouble ; then he looked at me with a beaming , victorious smile ! We couldn 't help but start laughing . That face is just too irresistible . . . . naughty boy ! It 's been a really emotional 24 hours . Yesterday another couple from our Down Syndrome family lost their beautiful 10 month old daughter . She had been in hospital for a long time , and was finally well enough to go home . Her Mum and Dad were a little bit worried about her when they got home so they cuddled with her through the night , holding her hand and loving her . In the morning , they took her to hospital where it appeared that she had stabilised . Sadly , though , her little body was just too tired and she took her last breath at about 11 . 45am . Although it was very peaceful , it was sudden and unexpected . All of us who had come to love this gorgeous little girl with the huge eyes , felt shattered . Our hearts are broken for her Mum and Dad who adored her . Rest in peace precious girl x x x I cried most of yesterday . The tears just wouldn 't stop . I cried for her and her parents ; and I cried with thankfulness for Felix 's life . There has been more than one occasion when we were told that Felix may not survive . It 's times like this that I 'm reminded just how lucky we are that we have him to love and to watch him grow . At the same time , I have an ache in my chest when I think of the pain these parents are going through right now . Instead of planning for her first birthday in a couple of months , they are planning her funeral . This never gets any easier . Late last night ( approx 10 . 45pm ) I could hear Felix making a strange noise through the baby monitor in our room . I decided to go and check on him . He was asleep , but there was something funny about his breathing which worried me a bit . I went back into our room to tell Nathan to prepare for an unsettled night . Within minutes , Felix started to cough . I ran into his room to find him gasping for breath in between barking like a seal . I recognised the cough sound as croup , which he has had before , but I 've never seen any of our kids gasp for air like that . With every breath out , it was getting harder and harder for him to take a breath in . I 'm not a panicky person ; in fact I probably leave things a little bit too long when it comes to the kids being sick . Last night was different . . . . the look in Felix 's eyes really scared me . I could tell he was really struggling . I yelled at Nathan to get us to the hospital as quickly as he could . We bundled Felix in the car and rushed down there . They got us in quickly and put him straight on a nebuliser and gave him some Prednisolone . It didn 't take long before he settled down significantly . They gave him three nebulisers and by the time they were finished the coughing had almost completely eased , but he was still really gurgly and sounded horrible . They admitted Felix into hospital to keep an eye on him overnight , so at 2 . 30am in the morning , we moved up to the High Dependency Unit ( They didn 't want him on the Paediatric Ward in case he caught something else ) . Nathan stayed with him while I went home to pack a bag for them . None of us got much sleep . Nathan said that Felix slept for about 20 minutes . They think the Prednisolone might have hyped him up a bit . I tried to sleep at home , but was too worried so I headed back up to the hospital just after 6am . When the Doctor came to see him in the morning , he asked if we wanted him to stay for one more night for observation , but we really wanted him home so he could get some sleep . They gave us the medication he needed and we all came home and slept for a couple of hours . It 's now 9 . 30pm . Felix has been in bed since 7pm after he had a nebuliser and his medicine . He has the vaporiser steaming his room , but I have just heard him start coughing again . I 'm really hoping that he will stay settled and get some much needed rest . We have had a tiny taste of what some of our friends go through with their children on a daily basis . I 've lost count of the number of little ones with Down Syndrome who are enduring long hospital stays due to a variety of different health issues ; and remembering the tiny ones who have already lost their lives this year . It really puts things in perspective and makes me so thankful that Felix is usually so well . A reminder to count my blessings every day ! I have written quite a lot about Felix 's fascination with wearing Daddy 's underpants on his head or around his neck . Nathan 's underwear drawers are at just the right height for Felix to sit and pull everything out , and he still does it quite often . As strange as it sounds , it has really helped with his coordination . He will sit in front of the mirror lifting them over his head , then taking them off , then putting them back on again . He has become so good at it that he gets them over his head the first time he tries now . Last night , Felix set a personal best record . He disappeared around to Nathan 's side of the bed for a few minutes . When he reappeared a bit later , he had so many things draped around his neck that he could barely crawl . Nathan and I were laughing so much that we had to take everything off to count it all just to see how much Felix had put on . There was a total of three singlets and five pairs of underwear ! ! ! Not a bad effort ! It 's always an adventure to go shopping with Felix . I try hard to make it an educational experience for him ; talking as we walk along about the things we see , and the food we put in our trolley . This morning Felix really didn 't want to sit in the trolley , so I picked him up and carried him for a while . I was shopping for fruit and vegetables at the time , so decided to get him to ' help ' me . I named each thing as I picked it up and then asked Felix if he could put it ' in ' the trolley . Thankfully most of the vegetables I got today were quite sturdy ( cauliflower , broccoli , corn etc ) , because they were dropped from a reasonable height into the trolley . He thought it was great to help Mummy , but it certainly wasn 't the day for strawberries and grapes ! We continued this through the first few aisles . Felix threw everything with gusto into the trolley and I had to restrain myself from stopping to rearrange the contents of the trolley every few minutes ( I 'm a little bit pedantic about the neatness of my trolley - just ask Nathan ; he learnt that the hard way ) . After a few aisles , Felix was getting heavy and , of course , I had picked a trolley with wheels that got more ' wonky ' the more shopping I put in it . I put Felix back in his seat , which was fine until the shopping got high enough that he could reach it . He then thought it would be fun to throw the shopping ' out ' of the trolley and onto the floor . The problem being that he is so quick now , as soon as I bent over to pick one thing up another thing went flying over my head . Little rascal ! My only choice then was to carry him the rest of the way , pushing my wonky and exceptionally full trolley . A back massage would go down a treat right now ! I have met some beautiful people while out shopping . The majority of people treat Felix like a mini - celebrity . They come up to him and talk to him , making comments about his gorgeous smile or his laugh . Some ask questions about Down Syndrome and others just give me a ' knowing smile ' . Every now and again , however , I come across some people who actually glare at Felix and shoot me quite nasty looks . When I was in the city earlier last week , I was at a large shopping centre with our eldest daughter , Amy ( 21 ) . I had just finished telling her about a woman who had stared at Felix and given me an awful look , when another woman walked past and did exactly the same thing . Amy asked , " You mean like that ? " She had noticed it at the same time I did . I still struggle to know what to do in that situation . I know some parents of children with Down Syndrome develop their own ' one - liners ' to say in response , but I find myself rendered speechless . I try to smile at the person , but it probably comes out more like a grimace . I mentioned this to my Mum later on that day . She started to cry . She said that she doesn 't understand why people would react like that to Felix . To her , he is just Felix ; and I agree . I 'm baffled by the people ( in my experience , usually women between 50 - 70 ) who feel the need to express disgust both towards Felix and me . I don 't mind people who stare at Felix because they have noticed that he looks different and they are trying to work out why . Usually most of those people will have a look of recognition after a second or two and then smile at both of us . Sadly , there are that small percentage of people who show their disdain immediately ; and if I 'm honest , it can cast a shadow on what might have been a really lovely day . Dancing in the shops with Amy I know that some people would just say , " Don 't pay any attention " or " Be thankful that the majority of people are very positive " . Most of the time I 'm able to take that advice and don 't let it bother me too much , but like everyone else , some days I feel more vulnerable than others . I think it hurts sometimes , because I want people to see Felix in the same way we see him ; as a precious little boy who brings so much happiness to our lives and the lives of others . Yes , he looks a little different ; but he is much more similar than he is different . If only everyone could give people with Down Syndrome a chance . I have received some awesome messages from people telling me their stories of going up and speaking to someone with Down Syndrome for the first time ; or sharing a smile with a child and their parents . I know I 've said this before , but keep it up ! You don 't know the sort of day someone is having , and that smile or comment from you can make the world of difference to a person with Down Syndrome or their family member . Thank you to those of you who are willing to make the effort and move out of your comfort zone to experience something different . It 's a two way street . . . . it will make you feel good too ! Wednesday was an incredibly long day . Felix and I were up very early for breakfast with Granny and Papa and a little bit of a play before we had to leave . I packed up the car , we said our goodbyes and were on our way by 9am . I was so looking forward to our whole day and couldn 't wait to get started because we were headed to the Down Syndrome Society for Early Intervention with all the ladies I had been out for dinner with and their beautiful kids . I picked up our daughter , Bekah ( 19 ) on the way so I could spend some time with her and she could see Felix as well . We arrived at Early Intervention just on time . The feeling I got when Felix and I walked in there was overwhelming . All of the gorgeous little ones in Felix 's group had grown so much since I saw them last . Most I haven 't seen since January and a couple I haven 't seen in over a year ! What struck me is how different they all looked to each other . I 've mentioned before that years ago I had this weird idea that people with Down Syndrome all looked exactly the same . As Bekah pointed out to me , it 's a bit like Caucasian people who sometimes say that all Asian people look the same and visa versa , because they don 't know each other as individuals . Looking at all of those stunning little faces , all I could see was their differences . One little girl , Lilly , is the spitting image of her beautiful Mum . Another little boy , Liam , has fine red hair , the darkest eyes and the face of an angel . That 's just the physical differences but their personalities are all different as well . Just like any other group of children , there are the outgoing ones like little Lola , who clapped and cheered at the end of every song . She was so enthusiastic and her whole face lit up with a huge smile . Then there is little Charlie , such a stunning looking little boy , who is a bit more shy and reserved but when he smiles it is priceless . Then there is another Liam who is the daredevil of the group , zipping down the little rollercoaster with his funky spiked up hair . Chloe is walking and is an independent little Miss . She reminds me of our Amy at the same age ; she knows exactly what she wants and is very determined . You can 't help but love her ! And then there 's Felix who sat with a huge smile on his face when everyone sang his favourite song . . . You guessed it . . . Rock a Bye Your Bear . The Early Intervention room is amazing . There is everything from a massive ball pit , toys and puzzles , to painting , gluing and even a sand pit inside ( which Felix promptly threw a ton of sand out of ) . It caters for children from birth to 4 years old . Gina ( the lady who runs the group ) , provides different activities to encourage sensory play , sharing and turn taking , fine and gross motor skills . Felix had an absolute ball . He did a painting and played with some toys , but he really enjoyed the singing time and enthusiastically shook his little pom - poms to the music . The whole group lifted up a parachute and some of the kids crawled underneath and others helped to lift it up and down . It was so cute to watch all of their different reactions . I got to catch up with all the Mums again , which was fantastic . It was beautiful to see them all with their kids and watch them interact with these little ones they love so much . Anyone who thinks that children with Down Syndrome are not worthy of life needs to come to this group and watch these children play . They are intelligent , attractive , funny , determined , loving kids who could melt the heart of the most negative person . I am proud of each and every one of them ! I encourage everyone to celebrate people 's differences . Look at your own family ; not every single person is exceptionally good looking with a genius IQ and an enormous bank account ( in my opinion some people that are all those things aren 't always particularly nice people ) . Look into people 's hearts and appreciate the little things which make people wonderful . You might be surprised at what you find . I was so sad to leave Early Intervention on Wednesday , but Felix and I had to press on to our next appointment . We are so thankful to everyone who was there and for welcoming us again even though we don 't get to attend very often . I bundled Felix back into the car and we headed into the city for his appointment with the Ear , Nose and Throat Specialist . Bekah came with me , which was great because she kept Felix occupied while we waited for his name to be called . Felix crawled around and sat in front of other patients , blowing them kisses and waving to them . He 's such a social little person . The Specialist was lovely . He was very gentle with Felix and told me that Felix 's ear canals are exactly the size they should be for a child his age ( not sure why so many Doctors have complained that his ear canals are too narrow for them to see anything ) . His eardrums are at a slightly unusual angle , but he could see them easily . He did a test which showed that there is fluid sitting behind his eardrums , causing the infections , so he will need to have grommets put in . I was hoping to avoid that , but I understand that it will be much better for him not to be getting infections all the time . We should be able to get the surgery done in the next few months . After seeing the Specialist , Bekah took Felix and I to her work for some lunch before our long drive home . It was great to catch up with her for a while . We really miss our girls , so we grab any opportunity to see them . After lunch , Felix and I started our four hour drive home . There was a lot of traffic on the road and some rain which made the trip less than ideal , but we still made it home in good time . I didn 't see any kangaroos , even though it was dusk , and the only close call was with a fox but thankfully he could run fast ! I must admit it was good to be home . I really missed Nate and the boys , and Felix couldn 't wipe the smile off his face when he saw Daddy and his brothers . Tuesday started off bright and early . I had booked to go in and have a Mammogram and I was picking up our eldest daughter , Amy ( nearly 21 ) , on the way to my appointment and had nearly an hour to drive . Felix and I had to get ready quickly and race out the door . There are a couple of women in my family who have had breast cancer and some questionable cysts , so I thought it was pretty important at the age of 41 to go and get checked out myself . I strongly encourage anyone who has been putting it off to go and do it . A couple of people had told me that the Mammogram was painful or at the very least , uncomfortable . I was in and out of there in about 5 minutes and I can honestly say it wasn 't either painful or uncomfortable . Go and get one done , ladies ! While I was at my appointment , Felix went with Amy to get some breakfast . It was so cute , when I arrived at the cafe , to see him sitting on her lap sharing her poached eggs on toast . Felix doesn 't get to see Amy very often , but it was just like he 'd only seen her yesterday . He looked totally at home cuddling her and ' talking ' away . I love that they have such a strong bond even though we live so far away . It really touched my heart and set a great tone for the whole day . I was lucky enough to spend most of the day with Amy and Felix . Being from a small town , I don 't get a chance to go shopping much as we don 't have many stores here and end up doing a lot of it online . I had a list of a few things to get at the shops and am pleased to say I was able to find everything without spending much money at all . Amy happily carried Felix around because she wanted to cuddle him rather than put him in his pram . I 'm pretty sure her arm would have been aching the next day . He loved it and was totally content to be in her arms , looking at all the new sights . At lunch time , we met up with Amy 's boyfriend and our eldest son , Daniel , and his fiance . It was the first time I had seen Daniel and Cate since their engagement , so it was lovely to see her beautiful ring and to talk weddings for a while . It was so special to be with them all and catch up . Felix loved it as well . He was so good . He sat in his pram and ate his lunch ( and then tried to eat everybody elses ) . He loves food , that boy ! We had a slight mishap when the lid came off his cup of juice and emptied all over him . Oops ! I didn 't bring any spare clothes for him but had just bought him a couple of things in a ( much ) bigger size for next year . I had no choice but to put those on him . He looked pretty hilarious . . . you could barely see his hands and I had to roll the bottom of his pants up about 3 times ! Thankfully it happened just before we left , but we rushed out in case we bumped into anyone we knew . Big kisses for Amy in themiddle of the shops After a fantastic day with our beautiful girl I took her home and then made the drive all the way back to my parent 's house . I gave Felix a quick bath to wash away the leftover juice , fed him his dinner and got him ready for bed . My Mum had a small surgery that day , so my Dad offered to put Felix into bed for me so I could head out for my next appointment . Felix was playing happily with Papa when I left . I 'm not sure who was enjoying it more . What followed was an incredible night . I drove back into the city ( again ) to meet up with 6 of the other Mums , from Felix 's Early Intervention group at the Down Syndrome Society , for dinner . I feel a little bit emotional as I write this , but find it difficult to express in words why it meant so much to me . Each of these ladies all have a child with Down Syndrome the same age ( or very close ) to Felix . We are all about the same age as each other as well . Although all of our stories are different , we share a common bond . We just ' get ' each other . There is an understanding when you speak to another parent of a child with Down Syndrome , that you don 't share with anybody else . Trying on crazy hats One thing which really touched me was the joy we all had when we talked about our children . Every single one of us are so proud of them . Some of these Mums have had to deal with horrific health issues with their precious little ones , but there was no complaining ; just happiness that they had got through previous surgeries and a resolve to get through anything the future will bring . These are some amazing women . I had tears in my eyes when I heard about all the milestones the other kids had reached since I last saw them . One little boy did nothing but lay on the floor last time I saw him because he has such low muscle tone ( among other health issues ) . To hear that he is now ' Commando crawling ' across the floor and dragging himself up onto things was the most amazing news ! ! ! I felt so proud ; he could have been my own son ! I can honestly say I could have listened to them all ; and talked about Felix all night . It meant so much to me that the girls gave up a night at home to get together with me ( and work around my crazy schedule ) . Thank you so much ladies . You all inspire me to be a better Mum . I look forward to many more get - togethers . Posted by On Monday , Felix and I left home at about 8 . 30am for our four hour drive . I timed the drive so that Felix would have his morning sleep ( usually 2 hours ) in the car on the way . That didn 't happen ! However , he was an angel ; he didn 't make a sound for the whole four hours . He happily watched his Play School dinosaur DVD , and although his eyes got very heavy a couple of times , he didn 't give in . I was really worried because I knew he had a Speech Pathology appointment at 2 . 30pm and I was sure that by then he would just collapse and fall asleep on the floor and it would be a waste of a visit . We got into Adelaide at 12 . 30 , which was two hours before Felix 's appointment . We were close to the Down Syndrome Society , so I decided to stop by there for a visit . The beautiful Gina , who does Early Intervention with all the kids up to 4 years old , very graciously gave up some of her time to stop for a chat with us and a play with Felix . I couldn 't believe how much energy he had after having no sleep since 6 . 30am ! He had the whole Early Intervention room to himself which he thought was fantastic . He spent a lot of time in the big ball pit , and did some showing off with his signing and showed Gina the actions to ' Rock a Bye Your Bear ' . It was a lovely way to pass the time . Felix was still awake when we arrived to his Speech Pathology appointment . His eyes were all puffy underneath and were so watery ( very common in children with Down Syndrome , especially when they 're tired ) . I was certain he would lay down on the floor and refuse to do anything the Speech Pathologist wanted him to do . True to form , Felix pulled out his charm and interacted beautifully with the Speech Pathologist . He wasn 't quite as energetic as usual , but he made sure that he showed her the way he communicates , through signs , gestures and a couple of words , and she was really pleased with him . She has worked with quite a few children with Down Syndrome so she was able to give me some really good suggestions to encourage even more communication from Felix . It was a really positive experience for him , and also for me . I feel like we have a great plan in place to help Felix improve even more with his communication . It 's really exciting ! The Speech Pathologist suggested getting an ipad for Felix . She said it would definitely work as a communication tool for him and be really beneficial , so we 'll be looking into getting one as soon as we can . If anyone can suggest any good basic programmes for little ones , I 'd love you to leave a comment . I have absolutely no idea where to even start looking . After the Speech Pathologist , I continued to drive for another hour to get to my parent 's house . Felix was asleep within a few minutes of being back in the car . The poor little guy was exhausted . He had all of his energy back when we arrived there and was so excited to see his Granny and Papa . He had a big play with them and spent lots of time singing songs . He ate a massive dinner that Granny had cooked for him and then fell asleep the second I put him to bed . I grabbed the chance to have a catch up with my Mum and Dad which I really enjoyed because I don 't get to see them often . By this stage I was quite exhausted too . I had driven over 400km and been up since early in the morning . Needless to say , I was asleep when my head touched the pillow . Well tomorrow is the first day of my crazily busy three days . Felix and I will set off early tomorrow on our four hour drive into the city . As soon as we get there , Felix will have to go straight to his Speech Pathology appointment . He usually travels really well and because of the time we 'll be driving , hopefully he 'll sleep for a couple of hours so he 'll be bright and cheery for his appointment . Fingers crossed we have a nice , easy drive and don 't encounter any kangaroos on the road ( or stupid drivers who are even worse ! ) Felix was so funny today . Joel and Mel had little Noah laying on the floor in the lounge room to have some tummy time . Felix was patting him , saying " Ahhhh " like he does when he pats one of the dogs . He was touching his fingers and his little toes and really studying him . All of a sudden , Noah rolled over from his belly to his back and landed in Felix 's lap . Felix dragged himself backwards so quickly to get away from him . That scary baby can move now ! ! ! Just when Felix thought it was safe to get close , Noah has learnt something new . We were all clapping for Noah so , despite still being a bit shocked , Felix started clapping his hands as well . It was very cute ! Hopefully I 'll get to write my blog while I 'm away , but I 'm not sure how much access I 'll have to the internet or how much time I 'll have to write ( hence why today 's is very short . . . busy getting organised ! ) If I don 't have a chance to write , I 'm sure I 'll have lots of inspiration to write when I get home ! I 'm going to miss my hubby and my boys like crazy . I know it 's only three days , but we 're never apart so it 's going to be tough . I 'm looking forward to catching up with my parents and our beautiful daughters . I haven 't seen them for so long , so that 's the bit I 'm looking forward to . Felix had a big sleep in this morning . He didn 't wake up until 8am , which was great except that he had a Physio / Podiatry appointment at 9am . Needless to say , he had a very quick breakfast and I got him dressed as fast as I could . He always sits on the potty first thing in the morning ; something which can 't be hurried . He likes to spend a few minutes playing peek - a - boo through an empty toilet roll while he sits there and does ' his thing ' . We did pretty well to be ready on time and even had a few minutes to dance around the bedroom to some 80 's music which was on TV . Felix was doing huge belly laughs as I was dancing around . His laugh is music to my ears . It 's always a magical way to start the day . The Physio had the parallel bars all set up for Felix to use this morning . He thought they were interesting and stood holding them for a while , but he couldn 't quite get the concept of walking through the middle of the bars holding his hands on either side . He preferred to cruise sideways , just hanging onto one of them . Of course , having the attention of two pretty young therapists is always quite a distraction for Felix . He would prefer to crawl around and smile coyly at them rather than do the things they would like him to do . He always brings his best smiles to therapy and has the girls wrapped around his finger very quickly . They were both really happy with him , and could see the benefits from him wearing the Happy Strap for so long . It has allowed his hips to stay in good alignment and because we put the strap on him before he could sit up unaided , it meant that he never go in bad habits like ' W ' sitting ( with his bottom on the floor and his legs bent back with his toes pointing behind him ) . Our homework is to do more assisted walking and to try and get him to push something like a trolley or a cart to encourage him to walk independently . The Podiatrist wants to see him again once he 's walking so we can get some good , supportive shoes for him . Being extraordinarily flexible , people with Down Syndrome really benefit from shoes that will give extra ankle support as their feet can easily roll in or out . The hospital where we had Felix 's appointment is close to Nathan 's work ( the local Police Station ) . Felix loves visiting Daddy at work . He 'll probably enjoy it even more once he takes an interest in Police Cars , Uniforms and flashing lights ; all those things little boys love . We decided to drop by for a quick visit today . As soon as we pulled up out the front of the Station , Felix started signing " Daddy " . His face lit up as soon as Nathan opened the door and he held his arms out to him to be picked up . As always , as soon as we got into the office , Felix lifted Nathan 's ID from around his neck and put it around his own . Immediately after Felix was wearing the ID , he crawled out of the office and up the hallway . It 's almost as if he needs to be wearing ' his ID ' and looking official before he 'll venture out of the office . It 's so funny . I 'm sure he thinks he 's an honorary Police Officer when we 're there . The funniest part is when he comes across an Officer walking down the hallway . He cranes his neck all the way up to see who this person is who is wearing the same uniform as his Daddy . Sometimes they get a smile , and sometimes a suspicious look . Guaranteed they all stop for a quick chat with him . It 's a fun outing for him ! Felix and I spend a wonderful morning catching up with friends at the Kindergym . For the first time ever , Felix crawled away from me and went and interacted with some of the other children without worrying about where I was . He is getting more independent which is fantastic . I spoke to a couple of Mums this morning who asked lots of questions about Felix and Down Syndrome . They were genuine heartfelt questions which meant so much to me . No - one was being judgemental , they were just wanting to be informed . Someone who knew a bit of sign language commented on the signs that Felix was using . She was very impressed with what he could say . Another Mum asked me different signs for things and then used them to speak to Felix . She even showed her 2 year old son how to say , " Thank You " and he signed it to Felix ; it was the cutest thing ! Felix has a lot of appointments coming up this week . Tomorrow he has to see his Physiotherapist . She is going to work with him on some new parallel bars they have to try and encourage him to walk . It will be interesting to see how he goes as it is a completely different form of therapy than anything he has done before . Hopefully he will think it 's fun and will be feeling cooperative . The Podiatrist is also going to join us , which will be a first . Felix hasn 't had his feet checked before . I 'm pretty confident that he holds his feet in the correct position , but I 'm glad he 's having them looked at so if there are any problems we can get onto them straight away . That 's the benefit from lots of Early Intervention with children with Down Syndrome . Any potential difficulties can be recognised and addressed early on to allow for the best possible future for that child . Next week Felix and I will be travelling to the city for another couple of appointments . We have booked him in to see an Ear , Nose and Throat Specialist . We 've had some concerns regarding his ears as most of the Doctors we have seen here have been unable to see inside them because his ear canals are so tiny . His hearing is really good and we don 't want undiagnosed ear infections to scar his eardrums and then affect his hearing in future . He 's had a fever on several occasions which Doctors have been unable to pinpoint , so we figured it 's better to be safe than sorry and have him checked out by someone who specialises in that area . We are also taking Felix to see a Speech Pathologist who has done a lot of work with children with Down Syndrome . We 're looking forward to drawing on her experience and double checking that we are on the right track with Felix . One of the best pieces of advice we have been given , since having Felix , is to draw on every resource available to ensure that he receives the best possible therapy . This Speech Pathologist comes highly recommended and we 're excited to see what she does with Felix . Next Tuesday night I am going out for dinner with a group of the Mums from Felix 's Early Intervention group ( from the Down Syndrome Society ) . All the Mums are the same age as me and we all have a precious little one with Down Syndrome who are the same age as each other also . How awesome is that ? The beautiful thing about this group of girls is that we can all relate to each other . Our children all have different health issues and are at different stages of development but we get SO excited for each other when our children reach a new milestone or overcome certain health problems . We share a beautiful common bond and are incredibly proud of each and every one of our gorgeous babies . I feel sorry for everyone else dining at that restaurant next week because we 're going to be one very talkative bunch ! ! The highlight of next week is certainly going to be attending Early Intervention at the Down Syndrome Society on Wednesday . Felix and I have only been able to go to one before because we live so far away , so I can 't wait . All the kids are the same age as Felix , and I 've been watching them all grow up via photos on Facebook . It 's been so long since we were there last that I can 't wait to scoop them all up and snuggle them . I feel like they are all family and although I 've barely had any ' face - time ' with their Mums , I feel so close to all of them . We have shared so much through the lives of our gorgeous kids . I really feel so privileged to have had a child with Down Syndrome so we could become part of this incredible extended family . Never have I met such patient , loving , strong , and encouraging people in my life . I feel blessed ! Poor Felix hasn 't been out of the house for over a week . First his brothers were sick , then him and then the rest of us . We 're so lucky he is such a contented little man otherwise he would have been going stir crazy since he 's been feeling a bit better . The funniest little things keep him happy . He still loves playing with his strings of beads ; he will either have them around his neck or be banging them against something . He will ' read ' books for ages , especially ones with pages with touch and feel textures . He loves singing so much , so we spent a large part of today singing and doing actions to songs . He has learnt some new ones as well . Just like signing , he concentrates so hard on learning new actions and will mimic what I do . Sometimes he does an action perfectly straight away and other times he will keep trying until he gets it . He is very determined . I had to make a quick trip to the Pet Store today , so I took Felix with me to get him out of the house for a few minutes . We took some extra time to look at some of the animals there . There was a whole aviary full of yellow and green budgies which Felix thought were pretty amazing . His eyes were big and wide and he was signing the word " bird " . He wasn 't quite sure where to look because there were so many of them . Next to the birds were some big rats in a cage . Felix wasn 't too sure about them , which was OK by me because I thought they were pretty disgusting myself , so I was happy to move away from them . Lastly , we looked at a massive big barrel of goldfish . I wanted to show Felix the sign for " fish " but I needed two hands and because I was holding him I didn 't have two hands free . We 'll have to work on that one another time . I think Felix enjoyed having a little bit of time out of the house . Despite having been so sick this week , Felix is doing really well with his potty training still . I 've only had to change a dirty nappy twice in the past week because he did his business before I was able to get him up from his morning nap . Apart from that , he is now signing " toilet " to us if he needs to do a number two . We have to be watching for it because , like I said before , he can 't verbally shout out , " Hey . . I need to go ! " He does pretty well to make eye contact with us before he signs " toilet " . He 's such a clever boy . . . as soon as we sit him up on the seat , he does what he needs to do ; has a bit of a laugh when I tickle his toes or sing some songs to him and then when he 's done he holds up his arms to get off . He 's never on there for more than a few minutes . We 're very proud of him ! Ryan 's family didn 't care that their little boy had Down Syndrome . He was their son who they loved unconditionally . They looked forward to watching him grow and learn and were excited for his future . Sadly , his heart was too sick and despite everything the Doctors and Surgeons could do , it wasn 't enough to save him . I really am at a loss for words today . I don 't think I will ever understand why those so young endure so much pain and are then taken from us anyway . Heaven must need them more . What a brilliant start to the day . To hear Felix through the baby monitor , not crying , but having a happy little chat to himself was the best beginning to any morning we 've had in almost a week . When I went into his room to pick him up he had a beaming smile and although he still looked a little snotty , he looked just like our little Felix from a week ago . What a relief ! It was almost as if Felix wanted to make up for all the food he hasn 't eaten in the past 5 days , just for breakfast this morning . He wolfed down a big bowl of porridge and yoghurt and then munched on some dry crackers . He drank a bit ( still not as much as I would have liked ) , but it was a good start . His temperature went up a little bit in the middle of the day and he had a bit of a quiet moment , but apart from that he is so much better . When I was holding Felix in my arms yesterday , completely floppy and burning hot , it made me cry to look into his little face . Not tears for Felix ; I know what he is sick with is just par for the course when you have a toddler , but tears for those I know who have had to hold their babies in their arms knowing they will never get better . Beautiful babies with Down Syndrome who were born with heart defects so serious , they were unable to be fixed . I thought of little Ryan ( whose Mum is making a bucket list ) who is the same age as Felix . The latest update is that he may only have a week left ; in fact the other night his oxygen sats dropped so low the nurses quickly urged Ryan 's Mum to pick him up in her arms because they thought it was time ( she doesn 't want him passing away in bed ) . Ryan is one of so many little soldiers with Down Syndrome who fight long and hard to stay with their families until they can 't hang on any more . It doesn 't get any easier each time I hear about another little one losing their fight for life . It 's the hardest part of life within the Down Syndrome Community . It is , however , a reminder to hold those we love close . It makes me cherish Felix that little bit more . He could so easily have been born with a heart defect that was inoperable , but we were the lucky ones . I never forget the Paediatrician in the Neo Natal Ward when Felix was born telling us , " You know that the name Felix means Lucky , don 't you ? " It makes me more determined to celebrate every day of Felix 's life . To celebrate the things he can do and to enjoy watching him change people 's perceptions of Down Syndrome ! ! You should have seen the nurse 's face at the hospital when I said he uses the potty . . . you could have knocked her over with a feather . Children with Down Syndrome can 't toilet train early ! ? ! ? Go Felix ! After a very ordinary week , we had some wonderful news a few nights ago . Our eldest son , Daniel , proposed to his beautiful girlfriend , Cate . Unfortunately , we were all too sick and had to cancel a trip we 'd planned to go and meet Cate 's parents and spend some time with them . We look forward to an exciting ( and healthy ) month ahead planning an engagement party and celebrating with them all then . I 'm a proud Mum to 8 amazing children . My youngest son , Felix , has Down syndrome . I am passionate about raising awareness and increasing acceptance of people with Down syndrome . I feel privileged to have Felix in my life and have learned , and are continuing to learn , so much from this incredible little person . |
Nathan is on afternoon shift today so he was home to take the older boys to school this morning and to pick up a few things from the supermarket . Felix and I got treated to breakfast in bed when he got home , which I wasn 't expecting . Nathan came into the bedroom , where Felix and I were having a play , and brought in a tiny teacup and saucer filled with a baby - cino ( a cup of cappuccino foam with chocolate powder on top ) , for Felix . There were a couple of pieces of croissant sitting next to it on the saucer too . My bigger version ( plus coffee ) followed . Yum ! The funniest thing was Felix 's reaction . Bear in mind that usually Felix will happily grab our empty coffee mugs and try and drink the drips from the bottom of them . His response to the tiny little cup and saucer was to be horrified and nearly throw himself off the side of the bed . Nathan and I couldn 't help it ; we laughed so much . It was such a funny reaction and totally unexpected . After a couple of seconds , Felix got a little bit more inquisitive and moved a tiny bit closer towards the teacup and saucer . We could tell that he really wanted to touch it but he was still a bit wary . Nathan scooped up some of the froth onto a teaspoon and put it in Felix 's mouth . He didn 't need any more convincing after that . He grabbed the spoon and started scooping it into his mouth by himself . He didn 't stop until it was all gone , then looked at my coffee and said " Mmmmmm " . Felix was extraordinarily smiley today . He couldn 't wipe the grin off his face all day . He charmed all of the ladies at the shops ; smiling and pointing and doing his ' Ooooooooh ' face . He had a beaming smile when he was sitting on the toilet , and had nothing but grins when he ate his dinner . He was still smiling tonight when I dressed him in his pajamas and put him to bed . I wasn 't in the greatest of moods today , but that gorgeous face lightened my mood so much . How can I feel grumpy when I look at that smile ? This is what I have had to look at all day . It 's been pretty tough , but somebody had to do it ! ! x x x Posted by We have just arrived home from a whirlwind trip to Adelaide to celebrate our beautiful , Amy 's , 21st birthday . We had a nice dinner earlier in the night with Amy and her boyfriend , Daniel and Cate , Bekah , Joshua ( who drove down with us ) and Amy 's boyfriend 's lovely parents . Prior to Amy 's party , we were able to meet Daniel 's future parents - in - law ( also very lovely people ) for the first time , and have a look at the wedding venue he and Cate have chosen , which is stunning ! In the evening , we had a great night with Amy at her party , caught up with some friends and suitably embarrassed Amy with a video of her life which Nathan had made for her . We have never left Felix overnight before , but because Amy 's party was in the city and we knew it was going to be a late night , we decided to leave him with my parents ; his first sleepover ! Poor little guy had been stuck in the car for five hours , so it was nice for him to get out at Granny and Papa 's house and have a big play . He reached out for his Granny as soon as we arrived and was playing and having fun in no time . I thought I had better take Felix to the toilet before we left for the night . I put his potty seat onto the toilet , took his nappy off and sat him up there . Felix , being the busy little person he is , wriggles around quite a bit while he 's on the toilet . He likes to grab for the toilet paper , look through empty toilet rolls or play with an empty tampon box ( bit weird I know , but it keeps him occupied ) . Felix can reach the toilet door at my Mum 's house if he leans forward and stretches a bit . He found out the hard way that his potty seat doesn 't fit quite as well on Granny 's toilet as it does at home . He leaned forward too far and the seat flipped out from under him . He fell , legs first , into the toilet . Actually , it was one leg in the toilet and the other one on the outside ! Thankfully , my reflexes were quick enough to grab him before the rest of him fell in . I had to refrain from laughing out loud ; it was so funny . He looked quite puzzled as to what had happened . I quickly fixed the seat and sat him back on the potty ( put him back on the horse so to speak ) , because I didn 't want him to feel scared to sit on there again . I removed his soggy sock and let him finish his business ! Never a dull moment with Felix around . When we left Felix at my parent 's place ( with an extensive list of instructions ) , he was playing happily on the floor with my Mum sitting beside him . It was comforting to know he was having fun and not bothered when we left . I checked in with Mum an hour or so later and she told me that he was happy and settled , but hadn 't eaten anything for dinner and they couldn 't get him to drink anything . She was laughing when she told me they ended up with about five different plates of food in front of him to try and get him to eat . It had been a very long day for Felix , and sometimes when he 's tired he doesn 't eat much so Mum and Dad put him to bed and he fell asleep straight away . This morning I sent Mum a text message to check on the little guy . They had a very early start at 5am and Felix still hadn 't eaten anything or had anything to drink . True to form , he was still ridiculously happy and didn 't seem bothered at all . I told Mum that he must have decided to go on a hunger strike to protest us leaving him . When we arrived to pick him up , he had just eaten a little bit but still hadn 't had a drink . I picked him up and gave him a kiss then put his cup to his mouth . He had a HUGE drink and then looked back over my shoulder and gave my parents the cheekiest grin . Little monkey ! I never thought it could be possible to get any prouder of our little man . His communication is literally getting better every day . He was sitting , playing with his toys , near the front window of our house this afternoon and very excitedly told me every time a car drove past outside . He made a noise to get my attention , then signed the word " car " and then pointed repeatedly towards the window . I responded by saying , " I know . There 's a car outside . " He beamed a huge smile ! I love the look of satisfaction on his face when he knows I 've understood exactly what he 's telling me . Later in the day Isaiah said to me , " Mum , quick , Felix needs to go to the toilet . " I asked him how he knew that , and he told me that Felix had asked him ( by signing " toilet " ) Isaiah then scooped Felix up and ran him up to his potty , took his nappy off and put him on it . The little champion did a huge big wee ! I was impressed for two reasons . Firstly , that Isaiah was paying enough attention to see what word Felix was signing to him ; and secondly that Felix actually asked to go to the toilet . Usually I will ask him at different intervals during the day and he will sign it to me when he hears the word ' toilet ' , but he has never actually approached any of us to ask before . Super excited about that . Hopefully he will keep it up . One of Felix 's new signs is the word ' train ' . He is a little bit obsessed with them at the moment . On his ipad , he will press the picture of the train over and over again to hear the noise it makes . Today I was holding Noah while Joel and Mel were out . Felix , my little green eyed monster , came over to make sure that Noah wasn 't getting all of the attention . He noticed , straight away , that Noah had a picture of a train on the front of his shirt . He pointed to it and started signing ' train ' ; and then later when he was pushing a toy train along , I saw that he was signing ' train ' to himself . It 's pretty cute when we catch him ' talking ' to himself . Hello handsome I know some parents of children with Down Syndrome who have not started learning to sign with them yet , or are unsure about whether or not to bother . Again , I really encourage you to try it . Sometimes it takes a while for children to pick it up and start signing themselves and I understand that can be frustrating . I can assure you , however , that if you keep it up they will eventually start signing and you will be so thankful you persisted ( especially if they are much later to speak or non - verbal ) . I have spoken to several parents who wish they had kept signing because they are now struggling with very frustrated children who have limited spoken vocabularies . Who knows what the future holds ; maybe your child with Down Syndrome will learn to speak quite early ( and some do ) ; but what have you got to lose from having a bit of fun learning to sign ? It 's been a laugh for our family to learn it together ( some are better than others ) , and we 've really enjoyed it . Tomorrow we have to make the trek back to the city again . It will just be an overnight visit this time for our daughter , Amy 's , 21st birthday . We are looking forward to spending some time with her , celebrating together . Felix is having his first overnight sleepover with Granny and Papa without us there . I feel a bit of a maternal ' pang ' about leaving him , but at the same time I 'm looking forward to some time with my gorgeous hubby . It will be our first child free night since Felix was born . Besides , Felix has so much fun when he 's with my parents that I don 't think he 'll notice we 're not there . There will be a ton of stories and songs . Papa will show him the trees and plants in the front yard , and Granny will be showing him how to jump like a frog . He 'll have a great time . My thoughts will be with a beautiful family tomorrow as they farewell their precious little butterfly . Her ten short months of life touched so many people , and she will be forever in our hearts . Sleep sweetly little one x x x A while ago I wrote a blog about the first time Felix gave me kisses . I was so excited and loved every single dribbly , wet smooch . Unfortunately for me , he only did it for a few days and then the kisses all disappeared . Well , I 'm pleased to say that after a short recess , the kisses are back . OK . . . maybe not for me this time , but for Daddy , which is pretty special . Last night before he went to bed , he leaned in and planted one right on Nathan 's lips . He ended up giving him three or four , which was one of the sweetest things to watch . Hopefully I might be lucky enough to get one again soon . After Felix had finished giving Daddy lots of kisses , Nathan gave me a kiss . Felix thought it was so funny ; he started giggling then he pushed Nathan 's head towards me so he would give me another kiss and then laughed some more . It 's so great to see Felix gaining more awareness of emotions and how certain behaviours affect those around him . He seems to know when people need a cuddle or need a laugh . I 've heard a lot of people say they think people with Down Syndrome are more in tune to how others are feeling than the rest of us . I thought initially that it was just another stereotype , but I 'm beginning to think there might be some truth in it . I took Felix back to the Doctor today after our scare on Sunday night . Thankfully , apart from a bit of a cold , he has been given a clean bill of health . His chest is clear , which is a relief , but the Doctor said that if it happens again we need to get him straight to hospital . He said he was quite worried about him on the night . In a way it was reassuring to hear him say that , and it wasn 't just me overreacting . I think Nathan is still recovering from me yelling at him to get in the car NOW ! Poor guy ran out of the door in bare feet , pulling on a pair of shorts and with a tshirt in his hands . I 'm usually pretty calm so he knew that there must be a reason for me being so frantic . This afternoon our eldest son , Daniel ( 22 ) , dropped in to pick up his dog which we had been looking after for a couple of weeks ( that would be 5 dogs in the backyard ! ) . He , and Joel ( 17 ) , sat on the floor and played with Felix for a while . He loves climbing all over his big brothers , so having two of them on the floor at the same time was pretty special ! We were talking about when we thought Felix would be walking , so one of the boys stood Felix up and held him until he was stable , then let go so he was standing alone . The other one then held out his arms to Felix and asked him to walk to him . It was fantastic to see Felix take a couple of steps between them a few times . He definitely knows how to do it , he just needs the confidence now . I 'm not quite sure how I 'll feel about him walking . I 'm still enjoying the baby stage but he 's growing up so fast . Felix is enjoying his ipad , and has already learnt a lot from it . He loves the ' Twinkle , twinkle little star ' app , and plays the song over and over while he does the actions . It 's so incredibly cute ! He has one application that shows four pictures and then makes a sound relating to one of them . When he hears the sound we can say , " That 's a bird noise . Point to the bird " and he will point to the bird . Obviously , there are a lot of things he still doesn 't know the name of yet , but it 's exciting to see the progress in his comprehension in the short time he 's been using it . He loves all of the animal apps ; touching the animals and hearing the sounds they make . He 's a fan of monkeys and pigs at the moment and makes the sounds for both of them . Just a little bit gorgeous ! Felix is still a bit unwell today . His nose is runny and he sounds very crackly in his chest and has a horrible cough . Even though he 's not feeling the best , he is eating much better and showed us lots of his crazy faces which have been missing for the last few days . I haven 't mentioned many of Felix 's firsts lately , but he has a few new cute ones . He has always loved the song ' Twinkle , twinkle , little star ' , and could already wiggle his fingers like they were twinkling and does half a diamond by touching his thumbs together . This past week he has finally learnt the ' Up above the world so high ' bit . He points both his pointer fingers and stretches his arms as high as he can up to the sky . SO cute ! ! ! Another thing he has started to do is shake his head for ' No ' . He will crawl up to something he knows he 's not meant to touch , then he will look at me and shake his head . He will then go on to touch it anyway and then look at me with a cheeky smile until I tell him off and move him away . Isaiah ( 14 ) , commented today that he can 't believe how much Felix can actually communicate to us these days . He 's finding it a lot easier to understand what Felix is asking and what he wants . It just goes to show that you don 't always need the spoken word to communicate . I asked Isaiah to wipe the front of the cupboards in the kitchen today . Felix was looking for something to do so I gave him a sponge as well . He helped Isaiah and had so much concentration on his face as he wiped the cupboard . I 'm glad I thought ahead and gave him a brand new sponge , though , because it inevitably ended up in his mouth . I really try to include Felix in little jobs around the house and make a bit of a game about it . I want him to be able to contribute in the same way the other kids learnt to do when they were younger , and help him become self - sufficient as he grows . Felix isn 't usually allowed to touch the computers at home . He has pulled a few of the keys off ( I 'm now an expert at writing my blog with no ' L ' key ) . This afternoon I sat Felix up on the bed next to Nathan , who was on his computer . Mine was sitting on the bed closed . Felix looked sideways at Nathan to check if he was looking , and then picked up my laptop and pried it open . He kept looking back at Nathan to see if he was going to tell him off or not . When he got the laptop open , he began ' typing ' on the keys . He still kept checking Nathan 's face to see if he was in trouble ; then he looked at me with a beaming , victorious smile ! We couldn 't help but start laughing . That face is just too irresistible . . . . naughty boy ! It 's been a really emotional 24 hours . Yesterday another couple from our Down Syndrome family lost their beautiful 10 month old daughter . She had been in hospital for a long time , and was finally well enough to go home . Her Mum and Dad were a little bit worried about her when they got home so they cuddled with her through the night , holding her hand and loving her . In the morning , they took her to hospital where it appeared that she had stabilised . Sadly , though , her little body was just too tired and she took her last breath at about 11 . 45am . Although it was very peaceful , it was sudden and unexpected . All of us who had come to love this gorgeous little girl with the huge eyes , felt shattered . Our hearts are broken for her Mum and Dad who adored her . Rest in peace precious girl x x x I cried most of yesterday . The tears just wouldn 't stop . I cried for her and her parents ; and I cried with thankfulness for Felix 's life . There has been more than one occasion when we were told that Felix may not survive . It 's times like this that I 'm reminded just how lucky we are that we have him to love and to watch him grow . At the same time , I have an ache in my chest when I think of the pain these parents are going through right now . Instead of planning for her first birthday in a couple of months , they are planning her funeral . This never gets any easier . Late last night ( approx 10 . 45pm ) I could hear Felix making a strange noise through the baby monitor in our room . I decided to go and check on him . He was asleep , but there was something funny about his breathing which worried me a bit . I went back into our room to tell Nathan to prepare for an unsettled night . Within minutes , Felix started to cough . I ran into his room to find him gasping for breath in between barking like a seal . I recognised the cough sound as croup , which he has had before , but I 've never seen any of our kids gasp for air like that . With every breath out , it was getting harder and harder for him to take a breath in . I 'm not a panicky person ; in fact I probably leave things a little bit too long when it comes to the kids being sick . Last night was different . . . . the look in Felix 's eyes really scared me . I could tell he was really struggling . I yelled at Nathan to get us to the hospital as quickly as he could . We bundled Felix in the car and rushed down there . They got us in quickly and put him straight on a nebuliser and gave him some Prednisolone . It didn 't take long before he settled down significantly . They gave him three nebulisers and by the time they were finished the coughing had almost completely eased , but he was still really gurgly and sounded horrible . They admitted Felix into hospital to keep an eye on him overnight , so at 2 . 30am in the morning , we moved up to the High Dependency Unit ( They didn 't want him on the Paediatric Ward in case he caught something else ) . Nathan stayed with him while I went home to pack a bag for them . None of us got much sleep . Nathan said that Felix slept for about 20 minutes . They think the Prednisolone might have hyped him up a bit . I tried to sleep at home , but was too worried so I headed back up to the hospital just after 6am . When the Doctor came to see him in the morning , he asked if we wanted him to stay for one more night for observation , but we really wanted him home so he could get some sleep . They gave us the medication he needed and we all came home and slept for a couple of hours . It 's now 9 . 30pm . Felix has been in bed since 7pm after he had a nebuliser and his medicine . He has the vaporiser steaming his room , but I have just heard him start coughing again . I 'm really hoping that he will stay settled and get some much needed rest . We have had a tiny taste of what some of our friends go through with their children on a daily basis . I 've lost count of the number of little ones with Down Syndrome who are enduring long hospital stays due to a variety of different health issues ; and remembering the tiny ones who have already lost their lives this year . It really puts things in perspective and makes me so thankful that Felix is usually so well . A reminder to count my blessings every day ! I have written quite a lot about Felix 's fascination with wearing Daddy 's underpants on his head or around his neck . Nathan 's underwear drawers are at just the right height for Felix to sit and pull everything out , and he still does it quite often . As strange as it sounds , it has really helped with his coordination . He will sit in front of the mirror lifting them over his head , then taking them off , then putting them back on again . He has become so good at it that he gets them over his head the first time he tries now . Last night , Felix set a personal best record . He disappeared around to Nathan 's side of the bed for a few minutes . When he reappeared a bit later , he had so many things draped around his neck that he could barely crawl . Nathan and I were laughing so much that we had to take everything off to count it all just to see how much Felix had put on . There was a total of three singlets and five pairs of underwear ! ! ! Not a bad effort ! It 's always an adventure to go shopping with Felix . I try hard to make it an educational experience for him ; talking as we walk along about the things we see , and the food we put in our trolley . This morning Felix really didn 't want to sit in the trolley , so I picked him up and carried him for a while . I was shopping for fruit and vegetables at the time , so decided to get him to ' help ' me . I named each thing as I picked it up and then asked Felix if he could put it ' in ' the trolley . Thankfully most of the vegetables I got today were quite sturdy ( cauliflower , broccoli , corn etc ) , because they were dropped from a reasonable height into the trolley . He thought it was great to help Mummy , but it certainly wasn 't the day for strawberries and grapes ! We continued this through the first few aisles . Felix threw everything with gusto into the trolley and I had to restrain myself from stopping to rearrange the contents of the trolley every few minutes ( I 'm a little bit pedantic about the neatness of my trolley - just ask Nathan ; he learnt that the hard way ) . After a few aisles , Felix was getting heavy and , of course , I had picked a trolley with wheels that got more ' wonky ' the more shopping I put in it . I put Felix back in his seat , which was fine until the shopping got high enough that he could reach it . He then thought it would be fun to throw the shopping ' out ' of the trolley and onto the floor . The problem being that he is so quick now , as soon as I bent over to pick one thing up another thing went flying over my head . Little rascal ! My only choice then was to carry him the rest of the way , pushing my wonky and exceptionally full trolley . A back massage would go down a treat right now ! I have met some beautiful people while out shopping . The majority of people treat Felix like a mini - celebrity . They come up to him and talk to him , making comments about his gorgeous smile or his laugh . Some ask questions about Down Syndrome and others just give me a ' knowing smile ' . Every now and again , however , I come across some people who actually glare at Felix and shoot me quite nasty looks . When I was in the city earlier last week , I was at a large shopping centre with our eldest daughter , Amy ( 21 ) . I had just finished telling her about a woman who had stared at Felix and given me an awful look , when another woman walked past and did exactly the same thing . Amy asked , " You mean like that ? " She had noticed it at the same time I did . I still struggle to know what to do in that situation . I know some parents of children with Down Syndrome develop their own ' one - liners ' to say in response , but I find myself rendered speechless . I try to smile at the person , but it probably comes out more like a grimace . I mentioned this to my Mum later on that day . She started to cry . She said that she doesn 't understand why people would react like that to Felix . To her , he is just Felix ; and I agree . I 'm baffled by the people ( in my experience , usually women between 50 - 70 ) who feel the need to express disgust both towards Felix and me . I don 't mind people who stare at Felix because they have noticed that he looks different and they are trying to work out why . Usually most of those people will have a look of recognition after a second or two and then smile at both of us . Sadly , there are that small percentage of people who show their disdain immediately ; and if I 'm honest , it can cast a shadow on what might have been a really lovely day . Dancing in the shops with Amy I know that some people would just say , " Don 't pay any attention " or " Be thankful that the majority of people are very positive " . Most of the time I 'm able to take that advice and don 't let it bother me too much , but like everyone else , some days I feel more vulnerable than others . I think it hurts sometimes , because I want people to see Felix in the same way we see him ; as a precious little boy who brings so much happiness to our lives and the lives of others . Yes , he looks a little different ; but he is much more similar than he is different . If only everyone could give people with Down Syndrome a chance . I have received some awesome messages from people telling me their stories of going up and speaking to someone with Down Syndrome for the first time ; or sharing a smile with a child and their parents . I know I 've said this before , but keep it up ! You don 't know the sort of day someone is having , and that smile or comment from you can make the world of difference to a person with Down Syndrome or their family member . Thank you to those of you who are willing to make the effort and move out of your comfort zone to experience something different . It 's a two way street . . . . it will make you feel good too ! Wednesday was an incredibly long day . Felix and I were up very early for breakfast with Granny and Papa and a little bit of a play before we had to leave . I packed up the car , we said our goodbyes and were on our way by 9am . I was so looking forward to our whole day and couldn 't wait to get started because we were headed to the Down Syndrome Society for Early Intervention with all the ladies I had been out for dinner with and their beautiful kids . I picked up our daughter , Bekah ( 19 ) on the way so I could spend some time with her and she could see Felix as well . We arrived at Early Intervention just on time . The feeling I got when Felix and I walked in there was overwhelming . All of the gorgeous little ones in Felix 's group had grown so much since I saw them last . Most I haven 't seen since January and a couple I haven 't seen in over a year ! What struck me is how different they all looked to each other . I 've mentioned before that years ago I had this weird idea that people with Down Syndrome all looked exactly the same . As Bekah pointed out to me , it 's a bit like Caucasian people who sometimes say that all Asian people look the same and visa versa , because they don 't know each other as individuals . Looking at all of those stunning little faces , all I could see was their differences . One little girl , Lilly , is the spitting image of her beautiful Mum . Another little boy , Liam , has fine red hair , the darkest eyes and the face of an angel . That 's just the physical differences but their personalities are all different as well . Just like any other group of children , there are the outgoing ones like little Lola , who clapped and cheered at the end of every song . She was so enthusiastic and her whole face lit up with a huge smile . Then there is little Charlie , such a stunning looking little boy , who is a bit more shy and reserved but when he smiles it is priceless . Then there is another Liam who is the daredevil of the group , zipping down the little rollercoaster with his funky spiked up hair . Chloe is walking and is an independent little Miss . She reminds me of our Amy at the same age ; she knows exactly what she wants and is very determined . You can 't help but love her ! And then there 's Felix who sat with a huge smile on his face when everyone sang his favourite song . . . You guessed it . . . Rock a Bye Your Bear . The Early Intervention room is amazing . There is everything from a massive ball pit , toys and puzzles , to painting , gluing and even a sand pit inside ( which Felix promptly threw a ton of sand out of ) . It caters for children from birth to 4 years old . Gina ( the lady who runs the group ) , provides different activities to encourage sensory play , sharing and turn taking , fine and gross motor skills . Felix had an absolute ball . He did a painting and played with some toys , but he really enjoyed the singing time and enthusiastically shook his little pom - poms to the music . The whole group lifted up a parachute and some of the kids crawled underneath and others helped to lift it up and down . It was so cute to watch all of their different reactions . I got to catch up with all the Mums again , which was fantastic . It was beautiful to see them all with their kids and watch them interact with these little ones they love so much . Anyone who thinks that children with Down Syndrome are not worthy of life needs to come to this group and watch these children play . They are intelligent , attractive , funny , determined , loving kids who could melt the heart of the most negative person . I am proud of each and every one of them ! I encourage everyone to celebrate people 's differences . Look at your own family ; not every single person is exceptionally good looking with a genius IQ and an enormous bank account ( in my opinion some people that are all those things aren 't always particularly nice people ) . Look into people 's hearts and appreciate the little things which make people wonderful . You might be surprised at what you find . I was so sad to leave Early Intervention on Wednesday , but Felix and I had to press on to our next appointment . We are so thankful to everyone who was there and for welcoming us again even though we don 't get to attend very often . I bundled Felix back into the car and we headed into the city for his appointment with the Ear , Nose and Throat Specialist . Bekah came with me , which was great because she kept Felix occupied while we waited for his name to be called . Felix crawled around and sat in front of other patients , blowing them kisses and waving to them . He 's such a social little person . The Specialist was lovely . He was very gentle with Felix and told me that Felix 's ear canals are exactly the size they should be for a child his age ( not sure why so many Doctors have complained that his ear canals are too narrow for them to see anything ) . His eardrums are at a slightly unusual angle , but he could see them easily . He did a test which showed that there is fluid sitting behind his eardrums , causing the infections , so he will need to have grommets put in . I was hoping to avoid that , but I understand that it will be much better for him not to be getting infections all the time . We should be able to get the surgery done in the next few months . After seeing the Specialist , Bekah took Felix and I to her work for some lunch before our long drive home . It was great to catch up with her for a while . We really miss our girls , so we grab any opportunity to see them . After lunch , Felix and I started our four hour drive home . There was a lot of traffic on the road and some rain which made the trip less than ideal , but we still made it home in good time . I didn 't see any kangaroos , even though it was dusk , and the only close call was with a fox but thankfully he could run fast ! I must admit it was good to be home . I really missed Nate and the boys , and Felix couldn 't wipe the smile off his face when he saw Daddy and his brothers . Tuesday started off bright and early . I had booked to go in and have a Mammogram and I was picking up our eldest daughter , Amy ( nearly 21 ) , on the way to my appointment and had nearly an hour to drive . Felix and I had to get ready quickly and race out the door . There are a couple of women in my family who have had breast cancer and some questionable cysts , so I thought it was pretty important at the age of 41 to go and get checked out myself . I strongly encourage anyone who has been putting it off to go and do it . A couple of people had told me that the Mammogram was painful or at the very least , uncomfortable . I was in and out of there in about 5 minutes and I can honestly say it wasn 't either painful or uncomfortable . Go and get one done , ladies ! While I was at my appointment , Felix went with Amy to get some breakfast . It was so cute , when I arrived at the cafe , to see him sitting on her lap sharing her poached eggs on toast . Felix doesn 't get to see Amy very often , but it was just like he 'd only seen her yesterday . He looked totally at home cuddling her and ' talking ' away . I love that they have such a strong bond even though we live so far away . It really touched my heart and set a great tone for the whole day . I was lucky enough to spend most of the day with Amy and Felix . Being from a small town , I don 't get a chance to go shopping much as we don 't have many stores here and end up doing a lot of it online . I had a list of a few things to get at the shops and am pleased to say I was able to find everything without spending much money at all . Amy happily carried Felix around because she wanted to cuddle him rather than put him in his pram . I 'm pretty sure her arm would have been aching the next day . He loved it and was totally content to be in her arms , looking at all the new sights . At lunch time , we met up with Amy 's boyfriend and our eldest son , Daniel , and his fiance . It was the first time I had seen Daniel and Cate since their engagement , so it was lovely to see her beautiful ring and to talk weddings for a while . It was so special to be with them all and catch up . Felix loved it as well . He was so good . He sat in his pram and ate his lunch ( and then tried to eat everybody elses ) . He loves food , that boy ! We had a slight mishap when the lid came off his cup of juice and emptied all over him . Oops ! I didn 't bring any spare clothes for him but had just bought him a couple of things in a ( much ) bigger size for next year . I had no choice but to put those on him . He looked pretty hilarious . . . you could barely see his hands and I had to roll the bottom of his pants up about 3 times ! Thankfully it happened just before we left , but we rushed out in case we bumped into anyone we knew . Big kisses for Amy in themiddle of the shops After a fantastic day with our beautiful girl I took her home and then made the drive all the way back to my parent 's house . I gave Felix a quick bath to wash away the leftover juice , fed him his dinner and got him ready for bed . My Mum had a small surgery that day , so my Dad offered to put Felix into bed for me so I could head out for my next appointment . Felix was playing happily with Papa when I left . I 'm not sure who was enjoying it more . What followed was an incredible night . I drove back into the city ( again ) to meet up with 6 of the other Mums , from Felix 's Early Intervention group at the Down Syndrome Society , for dinner . I feel a little bit emotional as I write this , but find it difficult to express in words why it meant so much to me . Each of these ladies all have a child with Down Syndrome the same age ( or very close ) to Felix . We are all about the same age as each other as well . Although all of our stories are different , we share a common bond . We just ' get ' each other . There is an understanding when you speak to another parent of a child with Down Syndrome , that you don 't share with anybody else . Trying on crazy hats One thing which really touched me was the joy we all had when we talked about our children . Every single one of us are so proud of them . Some of these Mums have had to deal with horrific health issues with their precious little ones , but there was no complaining ; just happiness that they had got through previous surgeries and a resolve to get through anything the future will bring . These are some amazing women . I had tears in my eyes when I heard about all the milestones the other kids had reached since I last saw them . One little boy did nothing but lay on the floor last time I saw him because he has such low muscle tone ( among other health issues ) . To hear that he is now ' Commando crawling ' across the floor and dragging himself up onto things was the most amazing news ! ! ! I felt so proud ; he could have been my own son ! I can honestly say I could have listened to them all ; and talked about Felix all night . It meant so much to me that the girls gave up a night at home to get together with me ( and work around my crazy schedule ) . Thank you so much ladies . You all inspire me to be a better Mum . I look forward to many more get - togethers . Posted by On Monday , Felix and I left home at about 8 . 30am for our four hour drive . I timed the drive so that Felix would have his morning sleep ( usually 2 hours ) in the car on the way . That didn 't happen ! However , he was an angel ; he didn 't make a sound for the whole four hours . He happily watched his Play School dinosaur DVD , and although his eyes got very heavy a couple of times , he didn 't give in . I was really worried because I knew he had a Speech Pathology appointment at 2 . 30pm and I was sure that by then he would just collapse and fall asleep on the floor and it would be a waste of a visit . We got into Adelaide at 12 . 30 , which was two hours before Felix 's appointment . We were close to the Down Syndrome Society , so I decided to stop by there for a visit . The beautiful Gina , who does Early Intervention with all the kids up to 4 years old , very graciously gave up some of her time to stop for a chat with us and a play with Felix . I couldn 't believe how much energy he had after having no sleep since 6 . 30am ! He had the whole Early Intervention room to himself which he thought was fantastic . He spent a lot of time in the big ball pit , and did some showing off with his signing and showed Gina the actions to ' Rock a Bye Your Bear ' . It was a lovely way to pass the time . Felix was still awake when we arrived to his Speech Pathology appointment . His eyes were all puffy underneath and were so watery ( very common in children with Down Syndrome , especially when they 're tired ) . I was certain he would lay down on the floor and refuse to do anything the Speech Pathologist wanted him to do . True to form , Felix pulled out his charm and interacted beautifully with the Speech Pathologist . He wasn 't quite as energetic as usual , but he made sure that he showed her the way he communicates , through signs , gestures and a couple of words , and she was really pleased with him . She has worked with quite a few children with Down Syndrome so she was able to give me some really good suggestions to encourage even more communication from Felix . It was a really positive experience for him , and also for me . I feel like we have a great plan in place to help Felix improve even more with his communication . It 's really exciting ! The Speech Pathologist suggested getting an ipad for Felix . She said it would definitely work as a communication tool for him and be really beneficial , so we 'll be looking into getting one as soon as we can . If anyone can suggest any good basic programmes for little ones , I 'd love you to leave a comment . I have absolutely no idea where to even start looking . After the Speech Pathologist , I continued to drive for another hour to get to my parent 's house . Felix was asleep within a few minutes of being back in the car . The poor little guy was exhausted . He had all of his energy back when we arrived there and was so excited to see his Granny and Papa . He had a big play with them and spent lots of time singing songs . He ate a massive dinner that Granny had cooked for him and then fell asleep the second I put him to bed . I grabbed the chance to have a catch up with my Mum and Dad which I really enjoyed because I don 't get to see them often . By this stage I was quite exhausted too . I had driven over 400km and been up since early in the morning . Needless to say , I was asleep when my head touched the pillow . Well tomorrow is the first day of my crazily busy three days . Felix and I will set off early tomorrow on our four hour drive into the city . As soon as we get there , Felix will have to go straight to his Speech Pathology appointment . He usually travels really well and because of the time we 'll be driving , hopefully he 'll sleep for a couple of hours so he 'll be bright and cheery for his appointment . Fingers crossed we have a nice , easy drive and don 't encounter any kangaroos on the road ( or stupid drivers who are even worse ! ) Felix was so funny today . Joel and Mel had little Noah laying on the floor in the lounge room to have some tummy time . Felix was patting him , saying " Ahhhh " like he does when he pats one of the dogs . He was touching his fingers and his little toes and really studying him . All of a sudden , Noah rolled over from his belly to his back and landed in Felix 's lap . Felix dragged himself backwards so quickly to get away from him . That scary baby can move now ! ! ! Just when Felix thought it was safe to get close , Noah has learnt something new . We were all clapping for Noah so , despite still being a bit shocked , Felix started clapping his hands as well . It was very cute ! Hopefully I 'll get to write my blog while I 'm away , but I 'm not sure how much access I 'll have to the internet or how much time I 'll have to write ( hence why today 's is very short . . . busy getting organised ! ) If I don 't have a chance to write , I 'm sure I 'll have lots of inspiration to write when I get home ! I 'm going to miss my hubby and my boys like crazy . I know it 's only three days , but we 're never apart so it 's going to be tough . I 'm looking forward to catching up with my parents and our beautiful daughters . I haven 't seen them for so long , so that 's the bit I 'm looking forward to . Felix had a big sleep in this morning . He didn 't wake up until 8am , which was great except that he had a Physio / Podiatry appointment at 9am . Needless to say , he had a very quick breakfast and I got him dressed as fast as I could . He always sits on the potty first thing in the morning ; something which can 't be hurried . He likes to spend a few minutes playing peek - a - boo through an empty toilet roll while he sits there and does ' his thing ' . We did pretty well to be ready on time and even had a few minutes to dance around the bedroom to some 80 's music which was on TV . Felix was doing huge belly laughs as I was dancing around . His laugh is music to my ears . It 's always a magical way to start the day . The Physio had the parallel bars all set up for Felix to use this morning . He thought they were interesting and stood holding them for a while , but he couldn 't quite get the concept of walking through the middle of the bars holding his hands on either side . He preferred to cruise sideways , just hanging onto one of them . Of course , having the attention of two pretty young therapists is always quite a distraction for Felix . He would prefer to crawl around and smile coyly at them rather than do the things they would like him to do . He always brings his best smiles to therapy and has the girls wrapped around his finger very quickly . They were both really happy with him , and could see the benefits from him wearing the Happy Strap for so long . It has allowed his hips to stay in good alignment and because we put the strap on him before he could sit up unaided , it meant that he never go in bad habits like ' W ' sitting ( with his bottom on the floor and his legs bent back with his toes pointing behind him ) . Our homework is to do more assisted walking and to try and get him to push something like a trolley or a cart to encourage him to walk independently . The Podiatrist wants to see him again once he 's walking so we can get some good , supportive shoes for him . Being extraordinarily flexible , people with Down Syndrome really benefit from shoes that will give extra ankle support as their feet can easily roll in or out . The hospital where we had Felix 's appointment is close to Nathan 's work ( the local Police Station ) . Felix loves visiting Daddy at work . He 'll probably enjoy it even more once he takes an interest in Police Cars , Uniforms and flashing lights ; all those things little boys love . We decided to drop by for a quick visit today . As soon as we pulled up out the front of the Station , Felix started signing " Daddy " . His face lit up as soon as Nathan opened the door and he held his arms out to him to be picked up . As always , as soon as we got into the office , Felix lifted Nathan 's ID from around his neck and put it around his own . Immediately after Felix was wearing the ID , he crawled out of the office and up the hallway . It 's almost as if he needs to be wearing ' his ID ' and looking official before he 'll venture out of the office . It 's so funny . I 'm sure he thinks he 's an honorary Police Officer when we 're there . The funniest part is when he comes across an Officer walking down the hallway . He cranes his neck all the way up to see who this person is who is wearing the same uniform as his Daddy . Sometimes they get a smile , and sometimes a suspicious look . Guaranteed they all stop for a quick chat with him . It 's a fun outing for him ! Felix and I spend a wonderful morning catching up with friends at the Kindergym . For the first time ever , Felix crawled away from me and went and interacted with some of the other children without worrying about where I was . He is getting more independent which is fantastic . I spoke to a couple of Mums this morning who asked lots of questions about Felix and Down Syndrome . They were genuine heartfelt questions which meant so much to me . No - one was being judgemental , they were just wanting to be informed . Someone who knew a bit of sign language commented on the signs that Felix was using . She was very impressed with what he could say . Another Mum asked me different signs for things and then used them to speak to Felix . She even showed her 2 year old son how to say , " Thank You " and he signed it to Felix ; it was the cutest thing ! Felix has a lot of appointments coming up this week . Tomorrow he has to see his Physiotherapist . She is going to work with him on some new parallel bars they have to try and encourage him to walk . It will be interesting to see how he goes as it is a completely different form of therapy than anything he has done before . Hopefully he will think it 's fun and will be feeling cooperative . The Podiatrist is also going to join us , which will be a first . Felix hasn 't had his feet checked before . I 'm pretty confident that he holds his feet in the correct position , but I 'm glad he 's having them looked at so if there are any problems we can get onto them straight away . That 's the benefit from lots of Early Intervention with children with Down Syndrome . Any potential difficulties can be recognised and addressed early on to allow for the best possible future for that child . Next week Felix and I will be travelling to the city for another couple of appointments . We have booked him in to see an Ear , Nose and Throat Specialist . We 've had some concerns regarding his ears as most of the Doctors we have seen here have been unable to see inside them because his ear canals are so tiny . His hearing is really good and we don 't want undiagnosed ear infections to scar his eardrums and then affect his hearing in future . He 's had a fever on several occasions which Doctors have been unable to pinpoint , so we figured it 's better to be safe than sorry and have him checked out by someone who specialises in that area . We are also taking Felix to see a Speech Pathologist who has done a lot of work with children with Down Syndrome . We 're looking forward to drawing on her experience and double checking that we are on the right track with Felix . One of the best pieces of advice we have been given , since having Felix , is to draw on every resource available to ensure that he receives the best possible therapy . This Speech Pathologist comes highly recommended and we 're excited to see what she does with Felix . Next Tuesday night I am going out for dinner with a group of the Mums from Felix 's Early Intervention group ( from the Down Syndrome Society ) . All the Mums are the same age as me and we all have a precious little one with Down Syndrome who are the same age as each other also . How awesome is that ? The beautiful thing about this group of girls is that we can all relate to each other . Our children all have different health issues and are at different stages of development but we get SO excited for each other when our children reach a new milestone or overcome certain health problems . We share a beautiful common bond and are incredibly proud of each and every one of our gorgeous babies . I feel sorry for everyone else dining at that restaurant next week because we 're going to be one very talkative bunch ! ! The highlight of next week is certainly going to be attending Early Intervention at the Down Syndrome Society on Wednesday . Felix and I have only been able to go to one before because we live so far away , so I can 't wait . All the kids are the same age as Felix , and I 've been watching them all grow up via photos on Facebook . It 's been so long since we were there last that I can 't wait to scoop them all up and snuggle them . I feel like they are all family and although I 've barely had any ' face - time ' with their Mums , I feel so close to all of them . We have shared so much through the lives of our gorgeous kids . I really feel so privileged to have had a child with Down Syndrome so we could become part of this incredible extended family . Never have I met such patient , loving , strong , and encouraging people in my life . I feel blessed ! Poor Felix hasn 't been out of the house for over a week . First his brothers were sick , then him and then the rest of us . We 're so lucky he is such a contented little man otherwise he would have been going stir crazy since he 's been feeling a bit better . The funniest little things keep him happy . He still loves playing with his strings of beads ; he will either have them around his neck or be banging them against something . He will ' read ' books for ages , especially ones with pages with touch and feel textures . He loves singing so much , so we spent a large part of today singing and doing actions to songs . He has learnt some new ones as well . Just like signing , he concentrates so hard on learning new actions and will mimic what I do . Sometimes he does an action perfectly straight away and other times he will keep trying until he gets it . He is very determined . I had to make a quick trip to the Pet Store today , so I took Felix with me to get him out of the house for a few minutes . We took some extra time to look at some of the animals there . There was a whole aviary full of yellow and green budgies which Felix thought were pretty amazing . His eyes were big and wide and he was signing the word " bird " . He wasn 't quite sure where to look because there were so many of them . Next to the birds were some big rats in a cage . Felix wasn 't too sure about them , which was OK by me because I thought they were pretty disgusting myself , so I was happy to move away from them . Lastly , we looked at a massive big barrel of goldfish . I wanted to show Felix the sign for " fish " but I needed two hands and because I was holding him I didn 't have two hands free . We 'll have to work on that one another time . I think Felix enjoyed having a little bit of time out of the house . Despite having been so sick this week , Felix is doing really well with his potty training still . I 've only had to change a dirty nappy twice in the past week because he did his business before I was able to get him up from his morning nap . Apart from that , he is now signing " toilet " to us if he needs to do a number two . We have to be watching for it because , like I said before , he can 't verbally shout out , " Hey . . I need to go ! " He does pretty well to make eye contact with us before he signs " toilet " . He 's such a clever boy . . . as soon as we sit him up on the seat , he does what he needs to do ; has a bit of a laugh when I tickle his toes or sing some songs to him and then when he 's done he holds up his arms to get off . He 's never on there for more than a few minutes . We 're very proud of him ! Ryan 's family didn 't care that their little boy had Down Syndrome . He was their son who they loved unconditionally . They looked forward to watching him grow and learn and were excited for his future . Sadly , his heart was too sick and despite everything the Doctors and Surgeons could do , it wasn 't enough to save him . I really am at a loss for words today . I don 't think I will ever understand why those so young endure so much pain and are then taken from us anyway . Heaven must need them more . What a brilliant start to the day . To hear Felix through the baby monitor , not crying , but having a happy little chat to himself was the best beginning to any morning we 've had in almost a week . When I went into his room to pick him up he had a beaming smile and although he still looked a little snotty , he looked just like our little Felix from a week ago . What a relief ! It was almost as if Felix wanted to make up for all the food he hasn 't eaten in the past 5 days , just for breakfast this morning . He wolfed down a big bowl of porridge and yoghurt and then munched on some dry crackers . He drank a bit ( still not as much as I would have liked ) , but it was a good start . His temperature went up a little bit in the middle of the day and he had a bit of a quiet moment , but apart from that he is so much better . When I was holding Felix in my arms yesterday , completely floppy and burning hot , it made me cry to look into his little face . Not tears for Felix ; I know what he is sick with is just par for the course when you have a toddler , but tears for those I know who have had to hold their babies in their arms knowing they will never get better . Beautiful babies with Down Syndrome who were born with heart defects so serious , they were unable to be fixed . I thought of little Ryan ( whose Mum is making a bucket list ) who is the same age as Felix . The latest update is that he may only have a week left ; in fact the other night his oxygen sats dropped so low the nurses quickly urged Ryan 's Mum to pick him up in her arms because they thought it was time ( she doesn 't want him passing away in bed ) . Ryan is one of so many little soldiers with Down Syndrome who fight long and hard to stay with their families until they can 't hang on any more . It doesn 't get any easier each time I hear about another little one losing their fight for life . It 's the hardest part of life within the Down Syndrome Community . It is , however , a reminder to hold those we love close . It makes me cherish Felix that little bit more . He could so easily have been born with a heart defect that was inoperable , but we were the lucky ones . I never forget the Paediatrician in the Neo Natal Ward when Felix was born telling us , " You know that the name Felix means Lucky , don 't you ? " It makes me more determined to celebrate every day of Felix 's life . To celebrate the things he can do and to enjoy watching him change people 's perceptions of Down Syndrome ! ! You should have seen the nurse 's face at the hospital when I said he uses the potty . . . you could have knocked her over with a feather . Children with Down Syndrome can 't toilet train early ! ? ! ? Go Felix ! After a very ordinary week , we had some wonderful news a few nights ago . Our eldest son , Daniel , proposed to his beautiful girlfriend , Cate . Unfortunately , we were all too sick and had to cancel a trip we 'd planned to go and meet Cate 's parents and spend some time with them . We look forward to an exciting ( and healthy ) month ahead planning an engagement party and celebrating with them all then . I 'm a proud Mum to 8 amazing children . My youngest son , Felix , has Down syndrome . I am passionate about raising awareness and increasing acceptance of people with Down syndrome . I feel privileged to have Felix in my life and have learned , and are continuing to learn , so much from this incredible little person . |
Duo was making himself a tuna and celery sandwich when the others came into the break room . He generously gestured to his food asking if they 'd like one , but they all declined in their own ways . Shrugging his shoulders he sat down with them at a large circular table . " The last of the antidote left the tarmac about fifteen minutes ago , " Quatre informed them all . " We found enough antidote to convict the priest , " Wufei said in answer . Duo snorted and swallowed his large bite , " FAKE priest . " Wufei waved his hand and nodded to concede the man had definitely been an imposter . " We can only link Alecia Grahm into all of this because she confessed , but now she is going against what she said . She has also lawyered up , and they are pressing for confession under duress . " All of them made a small noise to show what they thought of that idea . " Oh for the love of the Earth , chew and swallow before talking , Maxwell ! " Wufei yelled as he turned away from the burnet . Duo started to choke and cough and finally was able to get down what he had taken . The Japanese boy said in a quiet , but still firm voice , " There were almost 500 dead last we checked . This is all in the British region , though . Here in the United States we haven 't lost anyone . " The unsaid ' yet ' hung in the air as they knew the first batch of antidote went straight to Britain to stop the dying children from continuing . Their new batches would be ready soon , but they didn 't know how fast the disease could spread in some people and it was a give and take on how long the fever rose to kill certain kids . " Do you have all of your memories back ? " Quatre asked after they were brooding for a while on the innocent children . Duo had taken another bite of his meal so he started off with nodding , and then decided to shake his head , and then rock it side to side and finally just level it all off with an indecisive shrug . " Very expressive , " Trowa added . Heero finished it all off with , " And he still answered . " Quatre laughed as Duo finished the last of his food and stuck his tongue out at them all like a little child . " I have a lot of them back , " Duo finally said . He used a napkin to wipe his hands and face . They all stared at him , " You want me to elaborate ? " Duo sat for a minute and studied the grains in the wood table . " After the party settled down I went to Spain for a few weeks . It 's a large Catholic area , and I thought I could blend in there well and maybe get into one of the churches . It wasn 't so easy , though . After almost three weeks I came to this area . I went to the Cathedral and met with Father O ' Neil . He was a bit on the older side , and he at first mistook me for being a kid , but I convinced him I wasn 't and we got along great . I worked in the church doing things that would usually cost money to get done . In repayment I was given a small room up in the Priest 's house on the grounds in the backyard . Many nights Father O ' Neil would sleep in his office in the Cathedral , so when he didn 't come home I didn 't panic . " One day , though , while I was setting up for morning Mass another priest came in to help me . He was surprised to see me , and when I asked where Father O ' Neil was , he told me that O ' Neil had been sent to another church during the night due to an illness of another priest . It was almost a good lie , and at first I was inclined to believe it , until about three days later during Latin Mass he mispronounced a ton of words . The congregation didn 't catch it , but we 're all very fluent in many languages and a good priest knows his Latin . " " It 's like if an Imam didn 't know Arabic , Q - man , " Duo shrugged . " Anyway , I decided to do some snooping around to figure out what was going on . He hadn 't been there for a month before I found the information on his computer about the virus and the antidote . At first I was confused about it all . I was starting to get worried for Father O ' Neil not showing back up , and everything was clicking into the wrong places in my brain . It was another week before I went down to the basement and saw the completed antidote in crates and Brennon and Alecia having a chat over the boxes . I ran back to my room to pack my things so I could find you guys or just get to a Preventer station as fast as possible . I never made it out of the room . I don 't know what they got me with , but it must have been the same stuff they shot me with later when they had grabbed Sam . Waking up hurt like a … uh , female dog , " he shifted his gaze to Quatre 's and continued , " and I realized I was being tortured by Alecia and some wonderful henchmen . I think they could have been the same guys that hurt Sam , but it 's all still a bit foggy . I don 't know how long they held me , but at one point they frantically tried to get me moved to another location . The back door , though , wasn 't locked and I was able to shimmy my way from my ropes . I remember thinking that the ground was going to hurt as I went out head first , but I don 't remember the pain . " He sat back and looked up at the ceiling . " Father O ' Neil is dead , huh ? " Duo sighed , " I took them for the first four months I was there , but when Brennon showed up he took me as a kid . I knew something was off with him , so to keep myself from getting bigger as fast as the pills were working , I just stopped taking them . I was going to continue after I reported Brennon for being a fake , but … well , it 's difficult to take something like that when you don 't even remember you need them . " He rolled his eyes and then looked over at the machines before getting up to get a cola from one of them . " Being an adult , though , means I can 't be told to not drink or eat shit foods ! " " It 's not a bad word , Q ! I swear it is useful ! " Duo defended himself as he sat down with his caffeine and sugar filled drink . Wufei made a face at his selection and the American stuck his tongue out at his friend . " His A . D . D . has returned , " Trowa said in his calm voice . Heero shook his head and gave a small smile to show his amusement . Duo ignored them and waited for Quatre 's answer . There was cakes , soda machines , water coolers , a fruit bar , and meat and cheese plates . All around Duo was a beautiful display of food and delights . He held back , though , as guests arrived through the doors to the mansion that Quatre had officially given to him just the day before . Duo had argued about it , of course . He wanted to pay for the place or maybe just rent it from his friend , but Quatre insisted and in the end Duo 's arguments didn 't hold water . ( " Did Quatre just out - talk Duo ? " Trowa asked . Wufei answered , " We are in a lot of trouble . " ) Duo greeted everyone as they came in and he felt his heart fill with a joy he had lost when he had had to leave each of these people for the next foster home . Mrs . Snow showed up first and Duo had hugged her without thinking about it . As more and more people showed up he felt overwhelmed a bit , but happy inside . " Duo , I would very much still want you for a son , " Mrs . Snow pulled the boy into a hug . " And at least with you being seventeen , you can drive to see me ! " He laughed against her shoulder . Duo put a finger against his chin and looked up in mock contemplation . " Nope ! This is my Neverland and I will never grow up ! " he declared . He ran from a now seething Wufei Chang and went to hide in the corner by the soda machines . He looked around as he sipped on a glass of coke - a - cola . Jenna , Starr and Bob were talking with Mama Snow and Quatre . Kennan , Kenre , Rosemary and Ashley were all bent over a table while Heero showed them something on his computer to get a formula for something Duo wasn 't caring about at the moment . Jessi and Lep were trying to convince Trowa to kidnap them into the circus . Wufei was eating from the fruit bar on the other side of the room and eyeing the braided teen back . As Duo was about to join one of the groups chatting when a woman came through the front door looking hesitant . It was Sam 's mom and Duo felt his heart drop at the sight of her . She had bags under her eyes and her hair was a bit stringy from lack of care . She had done a good job putting on make - up to hide it all , but even her shoulders drooped a bit low . It was hard to see for him , but he had invited them to the party because Sam was still a great friend to him . He walked up to her and looked down at the floor , " I 'm so sorry I put him in danger like that . " She grabbed him into a fierce hug , " You all saved him ! " She breathed in trying to hold her tears back . " He will be released from the hospital next month . The doctors say he is doing wonderful and he loves that you call him every day . " She pulled back and smiled at him . He smiled back and brought her around the room to introduce her to everyone . As everyone was having a lot of fun and enjoying the party , Duo turned to the door as another person , the final person , arrived . " Chia ! " he yelled out and ran toward the young child being wheeled in by his new social worker . The little boy smiled brightly and waved one of his hands . Duo stopped in front of the wheel chair and lowered himself down to about eye level , " How are you holding up , little buddy ? " " We 'll get right on that , then ! " Duo said as he gave the boy 's shoulder a light squeeze . He then stood up and faced the lady , " Thanks Melissa . " " You take good care of him , Mr . Maxwell , or I 'll flog you myself , " Melissa pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear and the rest of her high blond ponytail shook a bit with action . It was such an innocent gesture that Duo didn 't doubt the lady would whip him if something happened to one of her charges . No one was that innocent , and the gesture reminded him a bit of Releena Peacecraft . " Chia , bud , this is your home now ! We 'll be brothers forever now ! " Duo said happily . Chia 's face brightened fast and a brilliant smile over took him . The other people in the room couldn 't help but smile and some even giggled a bit at the excitement that the little boy shown . Duo grabbed onto the wheel chair and brought the boy around to mingle with all of their friends . After the whole afternoon slipped by people started to leave and promised to not stay away for long . Mama Snow hugged Duo and then hugged Chia and promised to be back later in the week to play with them both . Mall trips , circus trips , and study dates were all promised . When everyone was gone except for the pilots and their new little brother , Duo disappeared into one of the many doors . He returned with a broom handle duct taped to a child sized cleat shoe . " His foot to play soccer with ! " Duo said happily . " I made it last night . The basketball court is going to be converted tomorrow with new lines for goals . We 're getting an electric chair tomorrow too . Now we have an even amount of players , we are so going to play soccer next weekend ! " Quatre came forward to hug him as well , " Tears of joy . That is what they are called . " They held the little Chinese boy until all of his tears were spent . Then they set about cheering him up . " I don 't play soccer , " Wufei said sternly as he crossed his arms when they started picking teams . Quatre gave a disapproving look and Trowa pointed to the boy stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of his life . Heero didn 't seem to change his demeanor at all , but Wufei knew he was also siding with the others . Chia smiled brightly , though , " Duo , I have an idea ! " He motioned for Duo to come over to him and started to whisper into his ear . As he was told the idea , Duo 's face turned into a mischievous grin and then he locked eyes with Wufei . He pulled away from his little brother and said , " That is brilliant ! " Finish dedication to my sister Kier ( 1987 - 2009 ) . She was always there to cheer me on when I told her stories and wanted nothing more than to see me succeed as an author . This is the first story I have finished since her death . He woke up to a sudden pain in his lower arm . " OW ! What the hell ! ? " he yelled as he pulled his arm to his chest to rub the assaulted area . " He 's awake and responsive , " he heard in almost a monotone voice . He then heard Quatre start to giggle next to his head . All around him were the four other pilots and Une all sitting on the floor . His first thought was that they all must have been very worried for him as Quatre 's laughter subsided . " That was cruel and unusual punishment , Trowa ! " Duo said as Heero started to help him sit up . He looked around more and saw that he was still in the office . " How long was I out ? " Duo rubbed his head for a second and thought back to his dream . What had happened ? " The cross … " he mumbled and his hand came around the cross still dangling from his neck . Quickly he undid the chain and held it out to Wufei . " This is what happened ! It 's on here ! The formula for the antidote ! " he yelled . He scrambled to his feet even with the protests coming from Quatre . He rushed over to the tablet sitting on top of Une 's desk and pushed the button to turn it on . " That 's locked ! " Une yelled as she went to get to his side . He smirked and held up an unlocked screen to show her it wasn 't locked anymore . " Why am I not surprised ? " she asked herself as she threw her hands into the air . " Fine , show us how this works , " she crossed her arms in a good imitation of her senior agent , Chang . Quickly Duo started to slide his fingers across the screen and downloaded a program into the memory . " C ' mon , " he said impatiently as it finally started up and a blank white screen was presented . He took the cross and laid it directly into the center of the tablet . Then carefully he tapped into the right corner of the screen and the display started to form words , formulas , and pictures . " I stole this information from the real bad guy , and I was trying to get it here to you all before they rolled it out , " he said as it continued to scroll . " Alecia isn 't our main dude . She is a lacky and a horrible person , but we have a bigger fish , " he snickered here , " to fry . " Everyone gave him a confused and slightly concerned look . " Oh never mind . It 's Catholic humor . You 'll understand soon enough . " As soon as the download was finished he started to tap above the cross in a rhythm the others couldn 't comprehend . " There , now it 's all saved onto the tablet , " he brought his head up and smiled at his audience . With a large grin he pulled the cross off and put it back around his neck . He handed the tablet over to Lady Une , " Just use your regular word processor to open the files . You can also email them to every scientist who wants a hand in saving the world . " Then he turned to everyone else , " Today 's Sunday . We are so being blasphemous right now . We need to go and repent . I have the perfect place ! " " Take this left coming up at the light and it 's on the right side , " Duo directed Wufei down the street passed the busy traffic . They stopped in front of a large cathedral made of brick . High on top was a large cross that looked like the gold one his mirror boy dream . " And this looks like the right place . Everyone ready to hear some confessions ? " Duo shook his head , " Oh , usually , but we have to catch the bad guy first … anyone bring Hell fire with them ? " The other four stopped to stare at him again and Quatre giggled . " Okay , fine ! Did everyone bring their weapons and badges ? " Quatre couldn 't hold it anymore as the other three seemed to be losing patience with their friend . He burst out laughing and pulled Duo up the steps to the front two story large double doors . " I think Duo would be the first one to burn up out of all of us , " Heero said in his monotone way . Trowa laughed and Duo joined Quatre is his own gaffaws . They were all seemingly in light spirits as they entered the large prayer room . Duo didn 't seem to be on guard and this relaxed the others . The ceiling was covered in a beautiful mural of pictures depicting scenes from the Holy Bible . It was five stories tall and large stained glass windows with the saints shone the sunlight through to create wonderful light patterns around the multi - pathed pews that were made out of a nice wood . Kneeling on the top step in front of an altar with a smaller replica of the large cross outside was the old gray haired priest in prayer . " Father Brennon , " Duo called out . " You are under arrest for connection to terrorism . " The old man stood up from his spot and turned around to face them all . " The parable holds that only the poor can enter heaven freely due to not having envy and the poor children are allowed to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven because they are pure . You need to brush up on your Bible , sir , " Duo grabbed the man 's robed arm and turned him around as Heero pulled out the cuffs . " And your Latin sucks , by the way ! " Duo stood in the center of the cathedral as Heero and Trowa brought the priest out of the front double doors to the waiting preventer 's cop car that had shown up behind their own civilian one . Quatre and Wufei watched as Duo turned back toward the altar . " Wufei , there are boxes of the antidote down in the basement . The door to access it is on the left behind the pulpit . " He then knelt down onto the carpet and bowed his head . Wufei went down a line of pews to get to the outside of the church wall so as not to interrupt Duo in his place of worship . Quatre put a hand onto the smaller boy 's back in support and then left also through the front doors of the church . Gwaine , with a bit of drink now coursing through him , was more amiable than before . They sat the night away underneath Gwen 's coverings , but they wouldn 't be able to stay longer . The sun would come up and they would need to move forward to somewhere else . One thing they all knew , though , was that they hadn 't been able to stop the sorcerer . Arthur wasn 't able to convince the boy to cease the torrent raging around them . Flashes of lightning happened during the night and through its light they could all see that the king was very severely injured . They took turns watching over their small camp during the night , though no one truly slept much . The wind began at some point before dawn and it shoved the rain further into drenching them . Guinevere shivered against the storm and also her own dark thoughts . The king had been gasping for each breath since the beginning of the side - ways rain . It seemed to have been entering into each intake and she feared it had entered his lungs . They had all seen pneumonia before and they had all seen what happens when it cannot be treated . It was Gwaine , surprisingly , who came up with the solutions as soon as they saw that dawn had reached them . " The druids could probably heal him , " he muttered . He still seemed sore that he had been helping the king , but he was also not going to grudgingly allow the man to die a horrible death such as this illness was giving him . " They will probably do it , " he sighed , " even if they know he would kill them for their ways . " Everyone didn 't comment on the last bit . They all knew that Arthur was the king of a kingdom that banned sorcery of all types and that the Druids were the most known to practice the rites . Instead Leon asked , " Will we be able to find them ? " The part left unsaid was could they find one of the peaceful nomadic tribes before Arthur succumbed to the fluid building in his lungs ? Gwaine shrugged , " Dunno , but it wouldn 't hurt to at least walk until we hope to ? " It wasn 't a suggestion as much as a question . He wasn 't a leader . That had been Arthur even if they all didn 't want to admit that . At first they all thought they followed him because he knew who had started the storm , but now the group knew that he had just given off the aura of a leader . They packed up their crude camp and had started walking south away from the clearing where the sorcerer had been and back toward a path they had known existed . Their feet carried them , once again taking turns to carry the very hurt king , and their way didn 't last long before something shifted in the trees among them . The rain still pelted down as four green robed people melted from the protection of the forest . The sudden appearance of the group of strangers had everyone on instant alert . It was as if the people had used magic to come from the trunks of the trees and the ferns themselves . Lancelot and Gwaine were the first to stop being tense as they all slowly came to the realization that it was Druids that now surrounded them . The same people who they had hoped to find were the ones to find them first . One of the men , for that is what these robed people were , walked forward and lowered his hood . His eyes were a light blue and his hair had gone into the deep dark gray of an elder . " My name is Isalder , " he told them . " We mean you no harm . " " We , as well , do not mean to wish any harm onto your people , " Lancelot told the man as he bowed slightly in a friendly greeting . " We need help . Our friend was hurt in a fight with someone and we think his lungs have filled with sickness . " Isalder waved to one of the other men who walked forward as Elyan helped to bring Arthur down from Leon 's back . The king 's breath shuddered as the new Druid began to examine his patient laying on the forest mud . The physician , because that is what they assumed he must be , looked up into his leaders eyes for a bit and then back down to the blond . " We cannot help King Arthur , " Isalder declared to the group . They gasped as they heard that they hadn 't deceived the Druids . They had thought that if they had kept the man 's true name and status hidden than maybe the nomadic magical people would be more willing to help . " Please ? " Guinevere begged . Tears formed in her eyes as she watched the man next to Arthur shake his head and walk back toward his original tree . " It isn 't that we are not willing , " Isalder informed them . " We do not have the ability to clear this illness from the Once and Future King . " The group became confused from the use of the odd title as he continued , " This storm is powerful and only Emrys can force it to end . He is the one who is destined to walk with Arthur and he is the only one who can end Arthur 's torment . If he does not , then all will be lost to the darkness that looms in the edges of the future . " " Who is this Emrys ? Where can we find him ? " Leon demanded . The Druids stood still . When they didn 't seem to want to divulge any more information Elyan tried , " How can we save Arthur if we cannot find this person you 're speaking of ? " They didn 't stay long as Leon bent down to allow Lancelot and Elyan to put the king onto his back . They had a long journey and they could now only wish to the gods they made it in time to find this Emrys . ' But why is a powerful sorcerer in Camelot ? ' They all thought to themselves as their feet once again pushed into the mud . " Tell me where the antidote is ! " Duo yelled as he slammed his hands down in front of Alecia . The table rattled with her chains holding her onto it . " Tell me ! " " Oh , poor Duo . No memories and now all of those babies are dying . Didn 't you learn anything in foster care ? Poor people are scum who prey on the weak . I am doing everyone a favor , " Alecia smiled in a sweet way with her perfect teeth shinning . Duo lost it inside . His hand went back and he ruined that perfect smile with a right hook . The woman fell from her chair and her arms were stretched to the max against her cuffs . She gasped as the room echoed with the crack as one of her wrists broke or was dislocated . Duo didn 't care which one it was . He was seething and his control was slipping . He felt the urge to jump and finish the job of detaching her hand from her arm . Just as he thought maybe it wouldn 't be so bad to do , arms came around him from behind strongly . Alecia was being helped back into a sitting position on the chair by Heero as Trowa uncuffed her to check the damage done . She at first hissed as he poked it , but then an insane laughter built up from the woman . " No wonder we couldn 't break you ! You 're insane ! " she laughed . A hand came out of nowhere and grabbed the front of her prison outfit to pull her on top of her injured hand . Quatre held her nose to nose and said in a very threatening voice that made shivers go down Duo 's back , " He isn 't the insane one . " He let go of her and marched back out of the room leaving a very stunned bad person behind . Wufei guided Duo out after Quatre as Heero and Trowa were left to continue to treat the prisoner . " We can never leave you alone with a prisoner again ! " Wufei yelled once the door was shut and they continued their walk toward Une 's office . The Chinese man didn 't even knock before bursting in and shoving the American through . Quatre followed more sedately and almost giddily behind them . " Did what ? " Wufei and Duo asked at the same time . They looked at each other and then over at Quatre and Une who were both now behind the desk . Duo rubbed his hand where his knuckles stung a bit from the force of the punch . He then started to rub against his cross , the bad habit continued even though some of his memories were returning slowly . He had it in his brain and now he needed to pull it out ? He had tried for months to get his memories back . The adrenaline was started to wane from his system a small headache was pulling from the back of his head . He shook his head and looked down at his tennis shoes . The world spun . He could hear them , but suddenly his voice was gone . ' This is going to hurt , ' he thought as his vision blacked out and he felt his body crumple to the floor . Arms had tried to steady him , but his weight overwhelmed them too suddenly . ' Really hurt , ' was his last thought as his world turned into a massive exploding headache and then blank . He looked around at the field he was suddenly standing in . " Where am I ? " he asked as the wind blew gently against his body . His hair was loose and brushing along his shoulders . " It doesn 't matter , " his own voice came to his ears , but he hadn 't spoken them . He turned around to see a version of himself standing against the wind . His hair was braided in its long pleat and was waving around . In the other self 's hands were two crosses and around his shoulders was a brown cloak that was torn and ratted . It was whipped around as the wind grew against them both . The wind continued to beat against them both as the mirrored boy disappeared by melting down into the field of flowers . " My brain is freaky , " Duo decided right then and there . He sat down against the ground and decided that now was probably a good time to wake up . He really needed Quatre 's brain on this one . He was pretty sure Quatre would tell him it meant something significant and it wasn 't just that he had finally gone insane . Colleen always thought herself an average little girl . She was eight years old and lived in what was considered the " bad part of town " in Detroit , Michigan . She never begrudged her parents for the little they could provide her and her two sisters , one older at thirteen years old and her younger sister at six years old . The new apartment they had been able to finally provide was bigger and allowed her older sister her own room . The one things that discomforted Colleen , though , was the horrible feeling she had when she would try to walk down the hallway to her room or from her room . She couldn 't do it like her sisters did , and her mother had come to scolding her for rubbing the white wash off of the walls . Her back would feel the tingles as if someone was following her when she knew she was alone . This forced her to rub her back down the walls as she walked like a crab sideways . Every spanking her mother gave her was worth it to not have that horrible feeling crawling down her back . Her parents worked hard as servers in the suburb outside of downtown . They brought in a decent amount of money to keep them warm in the winter and housed now . It was a step up from their previous dwellings . Colleen knew that they were saving to one day move everyone into the neighborhood where they had found their good jobs and into the better schools . Colleen was now laying in her blankets on the floor next to her younger sister , Tisha , and trying to will herself to sleep . For some reason she couldn 't shut her eyes . Her heart would race when she did and they would pop back open . The light from the hallway illuminated the dark room well enough for her to see that her few toys and belongings weren 't moving . Yet something seemed to be moving in the dark to her mind . She told herself over and over it was her imagination . She could hear the night people outside of the house and the bass from the cars as they cruised by . Her parents wouldn 't be home until the last bus came through at about midnight , but her older sister Nikka was awake . She knew she was awake still as her stereo was on low to try and drown out the night life of the ghetto . Finally sleep came onto Colleen deep into the night even after she heard the door unlock and her parents come in for the night . All three bolts were replaced as her brain went into the first stages of dreams . They were plagued , as they had been of late , of weird images of people yelling and the horrible feeling of fear . No sound , though , was ever in these dreams and that might have forced her to be better about them . Most days were a normal routine for Colleen . She would wake up and hurry out of her bedroom before her back could be exposed . In the living room her sisters would be getting dressed for the day and they would share a handful of cereal . Then they would all hurry out of the door to the public bus to ride toward their school . Their parents hadn 't wanted them to attend at the public which was three blocks from their new apartment , so they had received some of the few scholarships awarded to attend a private academy on the other side . It was an hour ride on the public bus . This meant that Colleen didn 't have to be in the creepy part of her apartment very long , though . Even when she was home she tried to remain in the living room as much as she could . This day went as usual until it was time once again for bed . The feeling in the house intensified as night drew its blanket onto the city . Nikka was bobbing her leg up and down while sitting on the couch in apparent nervousness . Tisha also seemed to be worried about something . Colleen didn 't know what could be causing it , but even in their living room , she felt as if it wasn 't just the three of them alone in the apartment . They heard their heater click on , but then shut off almost immediately . Nikka stood up and went to the thermostat . She didn 't tell the other two anything but shook her head , shrugged her shoulders , and returned to the couch . They continued to watch their Princess and the Pea movie as the heater once again started and stopped . Nikka sighed , " You two better go get to bed . If the heater is broke than you 'll wanna be under your covers tonight . " She stood up and turned off the T . V . The heater gave a low moaning sound before turning on and off again . It sent chills down Colleen 's spine as she grabbed Tisha 's hand and they raced for their bedroom . As they both cuddled under their heap of blankets and quilts , most of which had been gifts from the PTO at their new school , they felt the cold seep into the room . A broken furnace in the middle of February in Michigan was a death sentence if they waited to long to fix it . Tisha fell into slumber quickly , as she did most nights , but Colleen stayed awake to hear Nikka trying to get the heater to work . She heard her on the phone with one of their parents , probably disrupting their shift to tell them , and heard her ask if they still had their portable unit from the old apartment . The old apartment hadn 't had central heat like this new one did , and so they had had space heaters that were constantly a threat to break out a fire . Colleen remembered her dad 's warnings every morning while they huddled around one in the living room . Nikka hung up the phone then and Colleen felt herself starting to drift into sleep . The cold nipped her face , but she couldn 't breathe under her blankets . Her face was the only thing she hadn 't bundled up . Her head even had an extra pillow wrapped around it . The sound of a voice shouldn 't have penetrated the wrappings of fluff , but it was clear as if she hadn 't her ears covered well , " Kill her . " Her eyes sprang open and she shifted their browns around the darkened room . The hallway light should have been able to come into the room well enough for her to see around her , but it seemed the black had covered her room well . She could see a bit of where the light just ended right at the entrance of her room and couldn 't come in further . The voice was raspy and deep , " Kill her . " She was awake now and knew for certain that it couldn 't be a dream . Tisha was still deep in slumber beside her . Slowly , without knowing why she was doing it , she sat up and grabbed for her extra pillow . " Take her from this misery . Kill her , " the voice commanded . She held her pillow in between both hands now . She knew what she had to do . Her brain screamed for her to stop , though , as her hands moved to hover above the little girl 's face . She could easily push the pillow down and sit on top of the six year old . No ! Her brain was yelling at her to stop . To not move . She needed to not kill her sister . She had never any ill will toward her family before . Why would she want to end the six year old 's life now ? Her arms shook with the torrent of emotions . She wanted to stop , but the voice kept challenging her . It kept commanding her . Her eyes moved from the innocent little girl and up into the corner of her room . Above the closet was deep black and then two glowing red pupils . They had no outline , nothing to define them attached to anything . The blackness swirled around the entire room except for those eyes and the clearness she could see her sister laying next to her . Suddenly it seemed over . A new shadow joined the room and she could move her body on her own again . She had control over her arms and pulled the pillow away from where it had almost snuffed out a life . She searched for the source of the new shadow and saw Nikka standing in the doorway . Her own face alight with fear and shock as she stared into the corner where the eyes had been . They slowly looked at each other before the older sister ran from the room . Colleen couldn 't fight the fatigue that suddenly gripped her . She didn 't remember laying down nor falling asleep , but she was grateful when the sun was shinning through the window the next morning . She was very happy when Tisha woke her up . Her happiness increased as they packed their things over the course of the next three days and by the end of the week were moving to an apartment closer to their school and where their parents worked . They never spoke about what happened in that apartment that night and her mother never had need to spank her for stripping the paint again . In their new place she was able to walk down the halls comfortably and even play in her room alone . They all realized how dark the world had seemed when suddenly their new apartment seemed brighter even if it did have less windows . Long brown hair shimmered underneath the glaring florescent light . Lady Une was a beautiful woman , no one could deny that , but she was strict . Duo stood up from the chair as she spoke to them , " We have been able to quarantine those who have been vaccinated . Unfortunately the number will still be staggering in the deaths , and we don 't know if the volunteer doctors will be able to not contract the illness either . We need the cure , Maxwell . " He nodded and looked down at the tiles . " Can I hit her ? " Duo asked . Everyone shook their head and he sighed . " Just a little hit . Something to make her fear me . " Une told him under no circumstance could he hit their prisoner . He rolled his eyes as he stomped off from their group . He heard shoes coming up from behind him , but he kept going at his slow pace toward their break room . He needed a coffee or soda and he wasn 't going to wait for whomever to catch up . " A bit , " Duo answered before taking a swig of his soda . " Look , Cat , I love ya , but I 'm fine . " Quatre nodded and sipped his own tea as Duo continued , " I just wanna smack that … uh … crap , I can 't think of a work appropriate word since cussing has been banned from here ! " " I just wanna smack that female dog for what she did to Sam and the other kids . I mean , why target kids ? ! What is killing off a bunch of kids going to prove ? " He threw his hands into the air and smacked them down onto the table . They sat in silence for a minute while Quatre allowed Duo to gather his thoughts together and calm his temper , " How many ? " " Excuse me ? " Quatre asked . He searched Duo 's face for a second and saw the tears gathering in the bottom of his eyes . He was glad suddenly that they were alone in the break room , because Duo needed to let the feelings out now instead of in the field later . " Our latest count was just over twenty thousand exposed and quarantined , " Quatre sadly reported . Duo cussed under his breath and let his head go down onto the table . He curled his arms around and his shoulders shook . " It 'll be okay Duo . My company is working with top medical industries to come up with a cure as quick as possible . " The smaller boy continued to silently sob into the top of the wood as Quatre rubbed his back from across him . In the doorway Trowa appeared silently . He looked at them and Quatre shook his head in a silent plea to not step into the room . The taller boy nodded and walked away as if on air . Duo cried for almost ten minutes before uncurling and mumbling something about needing a napkin . Grinding the chair 's legs against the flooring , Quatre got up to get a handful of the abrasive paper products from near the vending machines . He returned and handed them to his friend . Duo blew his nose and used a new one to wipe away his eyes . He then smacked his face a few times to get his complextion back and stated , " Alright . Let 's go save these babies . I don 't care what Une says , I 'm going to get answers from that piece of poop in the interrogation room . I will … " Duo 's eyes flashed with what Quatre and the others had deemed a long time ago the spirit of the God of Death . " Duo , " he said quietly , " We need answers and not another death . " Duo unclenched his fists , stood up , and nodded . They both walked out of the break room and Duo made a bee - line for the room where Alecia was being held . He wasn 't going to kill her , but he certainly wasn 't going to make her life easier from this day forth . " I 'll have Trowa ready to resuscitate her for you , " Quatre smiled , but his eyes also turned to steel as they split from each other . Duo sat in the exam bed with his feet swinging off the sides while he waited for the doctor to come in and release him . At least , he hoped he 'd be released . He was rushed to the hospital by ambulance as a precautionary action . They had taken Sam first , though , and he was in extremely bad shape . Duo let anger build up inside instead of the sorrow , because at that moment he didn 't need to cry . The doctor came in and gave him a discharge paper . He warned him of possible side effects from lack of oxygen , such as dizziness , and not to over exert himself . Duo almost laughed , but instead he thanked the doctor and ran out as fast as he could . Outside of the room stood the four other Gundam pilots silently . They all were deep in thought , but Duo couldn 't stand the silence for long , " Who 's funeral ? " They all looked up at him . " Exactly ! " Duo said loudly as he grabbed onto Trowa and Quatre 's shoulders to start guiding them out of the hospital , " And we 're not going to let anyone die . C ' mon guys ! We have a bad virus to go and get rid of ! " Quatre laughed as they walked through the sliding automatic doors away from the emergency room . Purple eyes bore into the blue ones of the lady underneath the bright light . " Tell me what I need to know , " he said slowly in a deep tone . It wasn 't a look or voice she had ever seen from him before . Alecia only smiled , though . She wasn 't going to talk . Duo knew that outside of the interrogation room of Preventers , the others were making phone calls across the nation to stop the vaccination process of the children . They had brought in every agent they could and Quatre had brought in office people from his company as well . The lady in front of him wasn 't going to get away with harming the poor people of this country , and if Quatre and Preventers were fast enough , any other country . Britain area was under quarantine as they had already been vaccinated two days before . " They 'll start coughing first , " she said suddenly . It almost made Duo jump because he wasn 't expecting her to say anything . " The cough will be mild , but effective . They are contagious as soon as they start coughing . Two or three days later the fever will take hold . It 's a horrible fever . The coughing will start to sound like a pack of seals , but it 's the fever that is the killer . " Duo 's eyes widened . " Oh , and we couldn 't find anything known to lower the horrible heat coming off of our test subjects . " She smiled wider and sat back against her chair . She shrugged as if he said something but didn 't continue . He stood up and ran from the room . " Wufei ! " he called as he made his way passed the phone lines . He stopped in front of the Chinese man who was about to eat a large bowl of noodles . " Shove it , " Duo said finally . " We need to quarantine all who have been vaccinated immediately . Coughing spreads it to non - vaccinated . The fever is what kills them , though . " Wufei shoved his chair back loudly and ran for the Preventer Supervisor 's office . Duo leaned down to put his head onto the table and let his legs come to crash against the tile flooring . His brain was racing as his body tried again to grab oxygen . The doctor had told him not to overdo it since his body had gone through such a shock before , but he had forgotten in his haste to save lives . He shut his eyes as his vision wavered in front of him and the tiles turned into black spots . A hand came down gently and slowly onto his left shoulder , " Are you alright , Duo ? " He nodded against the table as he gasped again . " Still not responding well ? " Heero asked . Duo 's head bobbed a bit . A few seconds passed and Duo could feel his body panic as he couldn 't seem to gather the much needed air . " Duo , you need to measure your breathing , " Trowa 's voice cut in . He started a cadence of " Breath in … and out … and in … " Duo matched his words and slowly the world started to come back into focus again . With everything becoming stable again , he was surprised by the strong arms now pulling him to standing . " It 's cool , guys . I think I 'll be okay now , " he answered as he wavered in Trowa and Heero 's arms . They kept him steady as his vision again went spotty and cleared . " Woah , head rush , " he joked , " Who needs alcohol when you can just deprive your body of necessities ? " His audience didn 't chuckle or respond as they moved him to sit in the chair Wufei had vacated . " Thanks , " he mumbled . " Sorry I 'm a bit weak , " he said after a while of silence . Trowa shook his head a bit and Heero gave his most convincing grunt . Duo translated it in his head to them saying it wasn 't his fault . He chuckled and looked up as Lady Une and Wufei came from her office with grave faces . |
Wow . What a difference a day makes . The guy I gushed about yesterday sent me a text message an hour ago saying he met someone else . This was Mr . Keen too . Huh . Go figure . I 'm fine . Had my boo hoos and my wonderful daughter held on to my leg while I cursed him with bad words and tears and wouldn 't allow me to demean myself by answering him in a way that would hide how classy I am . Anyway , I meant what I said yesterday about giving a nice guy a chance . They are out there . I just haven 't met them yet . For now it 's going to be casual dating and no more dreaming . A new medication for sleeping has done wonders for me . Instead of needing and getting 12 to 14 hours of sleep almost every day , I now get up after only 7 hours and feel pretty perky . All my other meds are the same and seem to be working really well for the most part . I think the weather helps too . I 'm not isolating myself so much as I was a few short weeks ago . I love my yard ; the sun sucks all the dreary winter from my body and brings the summer into my soul . We found a cute baby kitty that we were going to adopt and kept him in the house with us for a few days until we could get him to the Humane Society to have him checked out and neutered . He got out just before one of the most weirdest storms I 've ever been through happened . Snow with lightning and high damaging winds . Then he never came back . I still grieve for him . He was so lovable and sweet . The end of May marked the first anniversary of the death of my dad . I still have the image of him taking his last breath as my sister and I clutched his hands , crying , and telling him to go . It was okay to go . I should have left right away so I wouldn 't have had to see his empty , thin body lying there . I can 't forget it . I still remember my mom as she looked after her death too . I dream of them so much . His birthday was 2 days after his death as well . It was hard this year as I 'm sure it will be every year . It 's funny when I dream of my dad because , in my dreams , apparently his death was all a big mistake and he isn 't really dead and is still alive . What makes it better , though , is in between the anniversary of my dad 's death and his birthday my youngest granddaughter had her first birthday . I remember the joy I felt when she was born in spite of the sad , dark time of a year ago . This year was no different , really . She is cute as can be and I love both of my grandgirls to bits . Such bright and wonderful children who give me so much joy . My daughter turned 18 in March and is almost 30 . Yeah . But she 's really doing great . Doing fantastic in school , winning 2 awards and made the honour roll ! So proud of that girl . I also met a man . I decided to give up on the " bad boys " after reading several articles written by nice men who never seem to get a chance . I also read some blog posts and comments from them where women have been stuck with the bad boys just like I was . And they just didn 't get it either . So … I 'm giving one a chance . It 's only been a few weeks but holy moly … wow . He treats me like a queen , takes me for dinners , lunches and breakfasts . He lent me his truck for 4 days ( which my kids thought was really weird ) . I have had to stop him from spending so much money on me . If he had his way he would lavish me with gifts . He wants to find me a car . He wants to buy me clothes . I said no . I keep saying no . He really wants me to be happy and expects a commitment in the future . THAT I 've never heard before . It 's been all disconcerting as I have not met anyone like him . He loves how I look . He 's beyond eager to meet my kids . He wants to be with me all the time and I had to tell him I needed space to breathe and learn about myself in this new role . It was a battle at first , only because of his own insecurities I think . I notice he really doesn 't have that many of those so far . He lives out - of - town on a beautiful 4 acre lot with an apple orchard and all the toys near a beautiful lake . I 've stayed there a few times and love the privacy , the birds and the sun on beautiful days . I had a surprise graduation party for my son , his wife and my daughter on Sunday because they are all graduating . My son got his GED back in the fall , my daughter - in - law went to night school to finish her high school and , of course , my daughter graduates high school in June . My fella paid for all the food and drove me around everywhere to find supplies and presents . He wanted to come to the party to do the cooking but I held him off as we had only been together for such a short time . I just felt it was too soon . He smiles all the time . And that 's important to me . We like and love so many of the same things and every time we discover something new it 's such a surprise . He wants to make sure I 'm not stuck inside and plans outings all the time . He missed me yesterday and drove the hour drive and showed up at 4 in the afternoon with Chinese food for supper . To think I was fighting this . Neither of us could really understand my reasoning . I do though , of course . All those failed relationships , all the heartache and all the work invested and lessons learned . He doesn 't want me to lump him into the same category as those guys . He 's assured me he 's different . I 'm starting to believe it . His health isn 't very good at this time but we both hope for improvements . Finally , I feel I have the ability to write again , both electronically and emotionally . Well , I still don 't know about the emotional part . Its been a very emotion - filled few weeks , with many ups and even more downs . My laptop may overheat but I will write with breaks so it can cool down . I was always waiting for something . Exterminators because we had bedbugs . It took the landlord 2 months to get them here so poor Carly and I would go to bed each night so the critters could feast upon our milky flesh . All the info we read from the government and exterminator 's websites recommended you don 't sleep on the couch or they will find you . Where . Ever . You . Go . So I couldn 't sleep . I would stay awake until the sun came up , killing any that crawled on me and put them in a jar of bleach and laugh manically as they dissolved before my eyes ( I bet you didn 't know how sadistic I can be ) . During the day I would pick though my daughter 's bed , trying to decrease her discomfort . She would still have new bites every few days . During this 2 month time we were banned from seeing my grandchildren as my son has an almost supersized fear of the bugs and he did not want to risk any transfer from us . Ditto for the boyfriend . I maybe saw him 4 times in that 2 months and that was to go to movies . I was so relieved when we were finally sprayed at the beginning of December . My oldest granddaughter was overjoyed when I walked though their door . The hugs ! Hugs beat the bedbug blues every time ! Unfortunately the bugs seemed to be the beginning of the end for the boyfriend . He called less and less and I saw him very infrequently . We seemed to have a plan to go to Cuba though , where I hoped some alone time would help . Over the holidays , he just stopped calling except for a text telling me Happy New year and don 't be mad , I 'm going to Cuba with my friend . That was almost 2 weeks ago and not a word since . I knew this was a man who has lived with a very traumatic past and this is the worst time of year for him . It took me a while to realize that he could not be ready for a relationship . He needs to find his own self before he could ever trust his life won 't be ripped apart again . I , of course , have had my own traumatic past . The difference is I have both professional and familial support . He chooses to have a different way of handling his feelings . I 'm afraid it ended with me having a broken heart because of the silence . Or maybe I 'm giving him too much credit and he really is just a jerk . I don 't believe that though . I do know , really , it 's for the best because , unless there is help in his life , my heart would never heal and would keep going through these unresolved issues he carries . I think I might be stronger in some ways . Unfortunately , I 've now developed some trust issues of my own . My self - esteem is even more damaged than before . Who would want me ? I don 't feel attractive physically or emotionally / mentally . What a mess . There was one day that I slept away . 22 hours . That was when I knew I had to try to do something but everything was pretty dark for me . For those who survive depression hopefully knows everyone feels it differently ; it 's never a contest , like " I have more reasons to be depressed than you do " kind of thing . No . What I feel is physical ( heavy like an elephant ) and mentally ( my brain is a foggy bog of poo ) . It 's how to get out of it is the challenge . Sleeping 22 hours may not seem like a healthy way to do it but that was all I could do that day . The next day was less , more like 14 hours . Then it was 12 . I can handle 12 . I did the dishes . I tried to go grocery shopping . Then suddenly I had stuff to do and had to get out of bed to do them so my going to bed at 7 am was not going to work anymore . I seem to have developed a fairly normal schedule . How I felt is so hard to explain . I wish I had the words to tell you how dark my world was . My dreams were where I wanted to be . I couldn 't wait to dream because what happened in them was so much more exciting and meaningful than what my life was . My bi - polar dreams have always been vivid but never so much as during this time . My awake - time flashbacks from the dreams would leave me quite confused . Once , on the rare occasion I did go out , I was very nearly hit by a bus and leapt 3 feet in the air as the driver laid on the horn , inches from my hip , waking me from my musings . I thought no one would care anyway . Of course I know now that is not and never been true . I have my peeps who love me and always will . Before Christmas , I was on the bus after seeing my mental health worker and just broke down . I was crying in public . No one did anything except for the lady beside me who handed me a used tissue . I sat there with tears streaming down my face , suffering in silence . Which is what most people do . All this was not necessarily because of a man . I was on my way to my darkness partly due to the isolation I was in and the feeling of not being wanted anywhere because of the blasted bugs . I was just so sad and lonely and alone . I missed my Dad so much over Christmas . His joy was like a child 's when he opened gifts . His place was empty at the table where we would squeeze his walker in . I did have a wonderful day with my family though . We all felt his presence there , especially when , for no explicable reason , glassware started falling out of the cupboard and breaking on the ceramic floor at my sister 's . I was making the banana cream pie at the moment , which was his favourite dessert . I had to stir and stir the homemade pudding for at about 45 minutes so it wouldn 't burn . Maybe Dad thought I wasn 't doing it right but I kept right on stirring during all the crashing and sweeping and didn 't burn the pudding at all . One of the best we ever made . He was keeping me on my toes I guess . Carly and I got wonderful news the other day . We now have a townhouse we 're moving to through public housing . Instead of paying rent I cannot afford it will be covered by the benefits I receive from Disability . This is a huge financial relief for me . I have lots to look forward to . I will get to purge yet again . The crap that weighs me down . Crap that I hang on to . Crap I can let go . And it ain 't just because of the packing . I must tell you all , right off the bat , that I know I haven 't written anything for several weeks . I really feel bad about it because I know it helps me get through a lot . I 've put my volunteer work on hold for this month because of the extreme anxiety I 'm feeling about my health and the crazy developments with my father 's estate and , as such , the state of my family life . The stresses have really gotten to me where I am , once again , staying away from the outside world most of the time and hiding in my online games . So boring I know . I do go to my appointments and have made more effort into cooking some meals the last few days than relying on junk food . It helps that Carly is home to eat . After messing up the last 2 appointments booked with my new mental health worker we finally met each other for the second time . It all went well until she asked me how my typical day goes . I was quite embarrassed about it until I remembered that I do get up early twice a week for when my granddaughter comes over for the day . ( So fun to be with her … two years old and so cute and full of goof ) . She asked me what my stresses are and I told her about the above mentioned in more detail . It was a pretty substantial list but mostly I have such fast and negative thoughts . Then I was to go over the positive things in my life which were fewer but still easy to come up with ; kids , boyfriend , and my finances are a little better . I was also to tell her about what I do to help the with stress . Again the list was small but at the end of the meeting she said that column would eventually be full and she could see how low my self - worth and self - esteem were and she has the tools to work on those negative thoughts . It 's been mind - numbing during the day and my sleep is filled with monsters and fear . Restful sleep is really not a part of my nights . It 's mostly 3 or 4 in the morning when my brain will finally shut down and my eyes slam shut for anywhere from 5 to 12 hours of sleep . I slept a day away a few weeks ago with a total of 19 hours . Crazy . My fella and I were finally getting to have some time together and were going out for supper except I kinda and sorta forgot about the going out part only because it was later than I thought we would be going . He called and said he was here and I had just got out of the shower and was dripping wet , naked and just figured , no problem , I 'll just throw something on and let him into my building like I usually do . I went to the front door , where he usually waits , then the back door but no fella . I was quite confused . I called him and asked him where the heck was he and he said at the front in the # 1 parking space . So , after wandering around the hallway in my nightie for another couple of minutes it dawned on me about the going out part . What to wear ? I felt all hot and sweaty after all that running around so I put on a tank top and jeans and put hair products in my very wet hair and ran out the door . He asked me if I wanted to go to a fancy restaurant but I told him I wasn 't really dressed for one ( that 's for sure ! ) so he suggested a favourite pizza joint we both like . It was very crowded and we were waiting for a table when I noticed someone eating at a table nearby who doesn 't like me too much and the feelings are quite mutual . I hid behind my fella after warning him . He was worried about a cat fight or me being so uncomfortable that we should go . I told him not to worry , I have big ovaries and can take it but could he please buy me a glass of wine tonight ? Absolutely , he said . So all the tables were full except for one right beside this person and a whole bunch of reserved ones . The owner of the restaurant told us to sit in the reserved section for now until a booth became available . " Don 't you guys leave , " she said . Whew . We sat in the reserved section ( getting the stinky eye from THAT table ) until a group of volleyball players started to arrive . It was then I noticed how hot my feet were as I listened to my fella regale me with his own restaurant stories . I tried to remember which shoes I put on when , to my horror , I looked down at my feet and saw … . My fella had me howling with laughter when I confessed to my slipper shuffle . He does that all the time . He said he was going to get me a hospital gown to go with my slippers for next time we go out so I can really look the part . It was then I remembered what I told my worker about the fear I had that people looked at me funny and man … I was laughing so hard . We both were . I had to put a little extra shuffle in my step for the rest of the night and the code word was " slippers " to make me start laughing all over again . Supper was great . At the end when my fella was paying the bill I asked the owner how her trip to Greece went . She told us that she went there to find all her old boyfriends so she could fuck them since she was too young to do that when she lived there as a young girl . She didn 't find any . It was great to get out . It did me a world of good . I 'm so looking forward to Thanksgiving with my sister 's family and my group . There we were , two of the most anxious females I know , going to a strange city by Greyhound . Whatever gave me the idea that this was a GOOD idea ? Well mainly it was because Carly and I were going to spend some good quality time together . My son was driving us to the bus depot and I was feeling pretty calm until we were almost there . Then my mind started racing with questions . What do we do ? Where do we go ? We started off doing what we thought was the right thing . We went to the counter at the depot and told the guy ( who turned out to be our driver ) that we were going to Edmonton and what do we do ? He looked at our tickets and , very kindly , told us we would be departing at Gate 1 at 6 : 45 . We found seats nearby and waited impatiently . It got later and later and Carly was coming up with more and more dire scenarios ( What if we don 't sit together ? Why did I have to read about Tim McLean ? What if people smell bad ? ) then finally we saw the bus arrive and security being set up . We were about 5th in line and finally got to the security table when we noticed we were the only ones without any tags on our luggage . Now , remember , we did go to the counter and no one said anything about tags . We had to go back to the nice man and tell him we needed them . There was a lineup there too and only 2 people on duty . One staff member was being held up by a guy who was trying to say his 3 bags were all carry - on 's and the bag that weighs 100 lbs . is free . That was not true and vigorous arguments ensued . We finally got to the nice man and he apologized for his mistake and even let me take my heavy carry - on with me . By this time there was no line at security . The thing about the motor coach I noticed the most was the smells that made their way to me throughout the trip to Edmonton . The first half hour I smelled vomit . The guy across the aisle kept belching really loud and they were quite stinky too . As were his farts . Then I thought everyone was drinking on the bus because someone would walk by me and I would smell alcohol . Turns out it was the hand sanitizer from the bathroom . Good for them for being so clean . At least I knew they washed their hands after they did their business . The smell that started half way there and never really went away came from a cup of coffee that a woman behind me spilled which proceeded to go downhill where Carly 's backpack was directly in its path . Carly was already so stressed out at this point she went over the edge for a bit . She cried over her Vans backpack and her new toiletries bag inside , now reeking of and dripping with coffee . The lady felt so bad and mopped up everything with toilet paper . Then there wasn 't any TP for the bathroom . Finally the driver found some . Whew . My legs and feet swelled up so much it was ridiculous . I have a history of blood clots and made sure I walked around whenever we had a stop . My feet hurt so much throughout the trip . The swelling never really went away . When we got there , after 18 hours on the bus and with barely any sleep , we still went shopping . I could barely walk and would send Carly into a store while I would find a bench to sit on and rest . I had to buy a sweater because it wasn 't summer in Edmonton . Fall weather had hit and I was in shorts and tank tops . I was miserly with money and was so glad to find a pretty good one for only $ 10 . Carly must have spent over $ 300 the first day . Her money not mine . I slept so good that night and was out like a light before 9 pm . I loved the pillows . Our hotel was nicer than I expected . I used booking . com and found a pretty good deal . I give it 3 - 4 stars . We hit so many stores . There were so many people , especially on Saturday . It was almost impossible to get through some of the aisles as they were clogged with crazy shoppers . Friday was my birthday and another day of shopping was planned . I got some great deals just telling people it was my birthday . My new fella had given me a card with strict instructions not to open it until my birthday and I actually obeyed . It was one of the first things I did when I woke up . Open it I mean . Lo and behold it had money in it ! With more strict orders ( he seems to be a little bossy ) to spend it frivolously on myself . So I bought Body Shop stuff , which I never buy because it 's too expensive . Because it was my birthday I got free hand lotion thrown in . Carly spoiled me rotten on my birthday . She paid for all the meals and cabs and bought me a beautiful forever scarf which was handy on the way home in the air - conditioned bus . She paid for more than half the food on the trip and half the cab fares . Almost every time I looked at her she had her bank card out . She was so patient with me and my sore feet , as long as she knew where I was . Thank goodness for texting and cell phones . I noticed a lot of things that makes Edmonton different from Winnipeg , besides the mall . The noise is unbelievable and overwhelming . We had to shout to each other most of the time at the mall . Everybody goes really fast there too . Cars and people . Some of the fashions I saw I haven 't seen here , at least not yet . AND I didn 't see one butt crack when people were sitting down . In Winnipeg you can count on seeing several in any food court , on the bus or even just walking around . I didn 't see one and that made me happy . Leaving Edmonton was very different then leaving Winnipeg . For one thing there was absolutely no security check done . This caused a whole new round of anxiety for Carly as now anyone could have a knife or a gun and cut off our heads . No one did but even so the trip home was a nightmare . For 20 hours we listened to a baby either screaming with misery or laughter , depending on her mood . At least I had to listen , Carly had her iPod so she plugged into her music world and drowned it all out . The baby rarely stopped and it was horrible . When she did stop another would start . There were 8 children on that bus under the age of 5 . One mom had 4 . Another mom had 2 and one of hers was the devil child who kept screaming . This mom who had 4 children with her was amazing . We were about to leave Edmonton when a man came running onto the bus looking for seats he said . There weren 't that many , it was pretty full . The driver announced that a family of 5 was coming on board at the last - minute and to be patient . No problem . Out the doorway I could see this tiny woman , maybe about 25 years old and 4 kids , ranging in age from 8 to 18 months , all holding something ; pillows , blankets , books , bags of food . They climbed on then the driver made ANOTHER announcement that these people had reserved seats so a lot of people had to shuffle around . The dad then ran off the bus , yelling " love you kids ! " and he was a blur going back into the depot . The little family was in the back and we didn 't hear a peep out of them . We had a layover in Saskatchewan and these kids totally entertained me . They danced and sang and giggled and climbed and ran and hid . All the while , their mother was calm , laughing along with them , getting them to settle down for only minutes at a time and not worrying too much when they started up again . She spoke to them patiently and kindly and I could tell she does this all the time by the way the kids treated each other ; the same . She met my eyes and laughed telling me they only had 3 hours of sleep so they were really goofy . I told her , " My dad used to say , It 's better than crying " . She laughed more . I could hear a little hysteria in it though . She was so great . She would crouch on the floor with them , rocking the youngest against her chest while talking softly to the others and feeding them apples and grapes . How she could hold that position for so long boggled my mind . ( Carly hates my people watching . She thinks I 'm nosy . What the heck else would I write about if I didn 't watch other people and what makes them do what they do ? ) Meanwhile the other screaming kid was still screaming with the mom begging her not to cry . The dad did nothing ; he just looked mad . I know the child was tired and they were on a long trip but it was really hard to take by hour 15 of the 20 hour trip . By the time we got home , I wanted to kiss the ground . We had a delay before we left Alberta . A young woman was hanging out with some of the younger guys on the bus , taking smoke breaks with them , etc . These young men always smelled like pot ( SECURITY ! ) . Anyway , we made a quick stop in a small town and I walked by her where she was commenting to some of the other women ( who also smoked ) with some concern about how she was swelling up . I wanted to show her my own feet but didn 't dare scare her . We all got back on the bus and started off again when she left her seat and went to talk to the driver . He turned around and took her to the hospital . According to the guys she hung with , she had taken opiates and then one of the guys gave her something else which didn 't react well with her . We had to leave her there in the middle of nowhere , hopefully in good care . I totally had a good time although in pain . Tylenol Arthritis was my best friend . I 'm pretty proud of myself but not totally surprised I could do it . I had to be a good mom to Carly , who was anxious a lot of the time and keep her calm from her day - mares . Never mind the hundreds of people or the guy who wanted to give me a makeover and wouldn 't give up , even when he saw me later and practically chased me . I handled it . I did good . It 's taking me a few days to recover from the overload and the swelling but I 'm just about there . I 'm still not sure about social situations though . This was very impersonal as I didn 't have to interact with many people . Just doing this trip and knowing , even if I am anxious about it , I can breathe through it and continue on . I don 't know what the future holds but it sure looks good from here . Going into big crowds like that was amazing and overwhelming at the same time . We kept it simple ; using cabs to get to the mall and back . We didn 't do any sightseeing at all . The fear of getting lost is still too strong . Oh I have been a bad girl , missing at least 3 posts I had committed to writing . Things are so busy with summer and all . I find myself getting out of the apartment just about everyday now except maybe for most weekends . I just came back from 5 days at the beach with my daughter and my sister 's family . I also was able to bring out my oldest granddaughter for the weekend . It was " Gamma Gamma " and some new words and lots of new dance steps as well as our old favourites . Even the nephews got into The Wiggles ! Our little gal had lots of fun . I miss her now . It 's been great to feel the freedom from the isolation I had for the last few years . This getting out everyday sure opened my eyes to my city . Buses are still the fun part of the day with screaming babies , drunks who want to smell my hair and sometimes meeting up with old friends for those brief moments until whoever 's stop comes first . I 've been handling the death of my dad by keeping very busy . It 's been kind of strange helping my sister do inventory on his estate and seeing some things for the first time and yet see the things he used every day too . I love how he and my mom are now both in my dreams at night . One thing I am happy to say is we found my missing sister ! Alive and as well as she can possibly be and in touch with another family member . Such a relief when I found out . I was in tears knowing she still walked this earth even though her demons are still chasing her . I don 't think I will ever see her again as it would be too difficult for her but having some contact through another trusted person makes it okay . All that weight I lost is slowly coming back and Dr . G wants blood work done before I have my next appointment . Fasting blood work . Meanie . He 's glad I seemed to have met a really nice man and also finally made my connection with a mental health worker . Dr . G is so pleased with my progress these last few months . I do feel so much better with more positive things in my life . These help me handle the negatives going on . The search continues in my life for many things . One of them is for love . I keep thinking there has to be a guy out there for me somewhere . I know I don 't need a man to make me feel good about myself or make my life complete or any of the other things my friends and family keep trying to pound into my head and I totally agree . Not having a man in my life is NOT causing me great anxiety . Just so my readers know that . I like men . That 's it . I like the company of a ( good ) man . I like doing things with a ( good ) man . I don 't mind going alone to places and I do . I also go out with some women friends and that 's nice too . Male company would be great though . I 've had enough of just me . I joined a different dating site this past week and was inundated with messages the first day . Great ! The problem was I couldn 't read any because the site wanted me to pay them to read the messages ! What was the point of having a " free " site ? I don 't know . I know I was on this site last year and it wasn 't like that then . So what I did was pick a couple of the guys and messaged them back telling them of my dilemma and to email me at an email address I made just for this purpose . Only one responded and we had a great back and forth email conversation for the last 2 days . He said he 's been on the site for a while and has never had to pay a dime . It 's a ridiculous way to get to know someone but , for someone my age , there aren 't many options . Some of my family and my married , well - meaning friends and acquaintances suggest " meet someone at the grocery store " or " borrow a dog and go to the dog park " and my daughter says " Well . you don 't go anywhere ! " . Well , the men I meet at grocery stores are in there to quickly get their pork and beans and bacon to go with their beer and as for borrowing a dog , that would mean picking up their poo . No thanks to the poo especially . I had supper with a friend tonight who told me I was a beautiful person . I believe that . I know guys are looking for Barbie dolls and I have never been , nor will I ever be one . I forget sometimes that I 'm a beautiful person . My outside is a bit worn and chubby , but I continue to grow inside and I can feel that every day . I 'm stronger and more able to handle stress in my life than ever before . I would love to share that with someone who appreciates it and would be proud to be with me . Hopefully around a bonfire , or on the beach or on a couch watching movies . So who knows what will happen . I 'm not in any rush and know whatever or whoever will happen will happen . Or not . In the meantime , I 'll keep my eyes open in Aisle 4 . |
Her heartbeat is ringing out as clear as a bell . I leap through the air , traveling a hundred feet with every jump . My back and knees are never going to forgive me for this , but there 's no way she 'd survive if I tried to run her in at this speed . She 'd be killed by the wind shear before we made it two blocks , and suffocate well before we reached the hospital . I 'm on the rooftops now . It only took a few minutes to get here from outside the city , but it might as well have been forever . My hands are slick with her blood . She clutches at me with surprisingly strong fingers . Normally , her nails would be digging into my skin . But for the next five minutes it 's hard as a rock . The trouble with a city like this is that all the damn buildings and traffic get in the way . If I didn 't care about collateral damage , I could bounce straight to the hospital , flattening cars and knocking down walls on the way . But there are people in those cars , and people on the sidewalks under those buildings . It doesn 't make sense to save one life if I 'm killing a few dozen others , no matter what my intentions are . It 's like a metronome , ticking her life away . I try keeping a mental count in my head while also dodging and weaving my way around innocent people . A few quick bursts of speed as I run get me through the worst of the downtown traffic . She 's stopped scratching at my face now . Instead , her hands are wrapped around my neck . Her fingers are freezing . I try to tell myself that it 's the cold air rushing past . Or maybe the rain . The last thing I want to think about is the truth : that this woman is going to die in my arms if I don 't go faster . I 'm starting to feel her weight more . She wasn 't terribly heavy when I grabbed her from the car accident out in the suburbs . I know you 're not supposed to move someone . I know that . But she was going to die if I didn 't . I took a calculated risk . It 's not like I 'm new at this . As near as I can tell , my record is around two hundred lives saved in one night . Each pill only gives me twelve hours . Then I 'm normal again . No super speed or super strength . No more enhanced hearing or vision . Just me , with my shitty retail job and tiny little apartment . Her heart 's beating faster . I 'm losing her . Moving faster now , running up walls and zipping around people . Moving so fast the rest of the world stands still . I try to keep her tucked in against my body , telling myself that a missing finger or toe is better than her dying . My mind runs back over that first night . When I spent my first few hours dicking around in a junkyard . Picking up cars and tossing them like they weighed nothing . Trying to run up walls . It was supposed to be a clinical study . Try out a new drug , earn a couple hundred bucks . Easy money . Instead I got powers . The first thing I did , once Dr . Porter explained what had happened to me , was steal three bottles . Then I got the hell out of there . Sitting around while a bunch of guys in lab coats poked and prodded me suddenly didn 't sound all that appealing . " One pill , twelve hours , " Dr Porter said . It 's the only thing I really remember before I raced out the door . They weren 't pissed enough to come looking for me , so I 'm hoping that somewhere he 's approving . Hopefully he didn 't get fired . The woman in my arms is shaking . I can see the hospital just up the street from us . We 're going to make it . Her eyes flutter and for a second she smiles . She knows I 'm going to save her . We can make it . I duck my head down and run faster . There are a lot of cameras outside hospitals , and I don 't wear a mask or a gaudy costume . The plan is to jump and then land near the entrance . Set her down and take off again fast enough that they can 't identify me . The shaking is getting worse . I try to write it off as cold , or maybe a reaction to the run . That 's happened before . This is different . It 's hard to hold on to her . My legs tense , and I jump , watching the ground push away from us . There 's maybe thirty seconds left before the pill wears off . I shouldn 't need more than five . It isn 't until I hit the ground that I realize I can 't hear her heart beat . For a moment , I almost stop moving . I lay her down outside the hospital and close her eyes before taking off again . Behind me , I hear the shout as someone finds her laying there . Maybe they can still save her life . I won 't have any way to know , really . It 's not like I can stroll up to the hospital and ask about her . My legs are giving out now . I can 't hear the chatter of pilots flying planes above me . Or see the radio signals flashing through the sky . My own heart begins to beat faster , almost in mockery of the woman I left at the hospital . I slow to a jog and then a walk . Everything hurts . The seconds tick by on my watch , the last bits of power fading away . I took three bottles from the lab . That 's ninety pills . It comes out to almost 1000 hours . You can save a lot of lives in that span of time . Ducking into a park , I practically fall onto a bench . I sit there for a while blinking back tears . For a few months , I got to be special . I saw amazing things . Bullets frozen in mid - air . I once hit a guy so hard that the dude 's tooth wound up embedded in a wall . I 've pulled kids from burning buildings and took the keys away from drunk drivers before the ignition in the car could turn over . I don 't know if I 'm crying for the woman or myself . Or maybe it 's just the realization that no matter how many people I save , there 's always one more that needs it . And I won 't be able to do that anymore . Sometimes I think about returning to the lab . Maybe finding Dr . Porter again and seeing what options they have for me . But they 'd probably just keep trying to find a way to recreate the effects . If I wasn 't a supervillain before , being treated as a lab rat would make me one pretty damn quick . My heart 's beating steadily in my chest . I drag myself off the bench and start walking towards home . There 's a little bit of blood on my shirt , but not so much that you 'd notice . If anyone asks , I 'll say I had a nosebleed . People shove past me on the sidewalk , stepping off curbs in front of drivers who slam on their brakes and lay on their horns . I keep my head down and keep walking . I 've got work in the morning , and they don 't give you time off for superheroics . Posted on April 28 , 2017 by Chris Page Fabian rapped delicately on the door . The wood was warped and rotted in places . Anything more than a gentle knock would probably take it off the hinges entirely . After waiting the requisite five minutes , he nudged it open with his foot and stepped into the dark room . The air was thick and musty . It had the stink of many lives worn into a tiny space , the odor of secret meetings and unwashed passion . Most of all , it smelled of loneliness . He 'd learned a long time ago not to open the blinds . It wasn 't that the man he came to see hated the light or anything , Fabian just didn 't want to be seen in his company . So he kept his visits to the hour just after the sun came up , when most of the village still slept below , except for the poor kids out tilling fields . In one hand he carried a basket of food . Mostly stale bread and some rotten vegetables from the hog pile . Sometimes , he would sneak meat from the kitchen , even though he knew he 'd catch a beating for it if his mother ever noticed . There was a loud grunt from one corner of the room as the man rose from the pile of rags that he slept in . Some were fashioned into a sort of robe that trailed behind him . He scratched himself and shuffled over to the table where Fabian was failing to hide his disgust . " It never gets any less true . " The man grinned around a mouthful of bread . He brushed crumbs and dust from the table with a wrinkled hand , then nodded to the basket . " What , you couldn 't pack in some pig shit along with the rest of the slop ? " " We had an arrangement , " Fabian said . " I bring you food , you tell me about him . It 's been months and you haven 't told me anything I didn 't already know . " " Why should I tell ? " the man asked . He squinted at Fabian and pointed a bent finger in his direction . " Could be you get what you want , and then you forget about me . Leave me here to starve . " " She 'd only tell me the good things . " Fabian stared down at his hands . He felt the man 's eyes traveling over him and tried not to cry . The man had been shoveling a handful of moldy strawberries into his mouth , and began to choke on them . Juice dribbled down his chin onto the table . In the dim light , it almost looked like blood . " What 's that then ? " he asked with a wheeze . " The truth ? Just words . Words that only mean something if you believe them . Why shouldn 't your mother say nice things about your father ? He was nice to her . Treated her like a fuckin ' princess . " This was the most that the man had ever spoken of Fabian 's father beyond little hints . Fabian 's mouth went dry and he tried to swallow back his anticipation . Maybe this was the moment he 'd been waiting for . The reason he risked bringing all of this food every morning . " You want the truth ? Out there , it 's the truth that I 'm a coward . I left my best friend to die on a hill of mud and shit and bodies to save my own skin . Made a widow of his wife and left his son without a father because I was scared . Of course I was scared . I was twenty years old . Doesn 't make the rest of it true . " " So you didn 't leave him to die ? " Fabian asked . His voice was raw and excited . Each word caught in his throat on its way out . Maybe his father hadn 't been killed defending the gate after all . Maybe he was out in the wilderness somewhere , unable to get back . " The last thing I saw , as they closed the gate , was your father 's face , " he finally said . " He was more alive than I 'd ever seen him . Hair streaming in the wind , laughing like a mad thing out of the stories . ' Come and fight , ' he 'd yelled . ' There 's plenty for everyone ! ' " Fabian 's hands shook as he gripped the table . He hadn 't even realized he 'd grabbed on to it . Struggling to keep his voice steady , he managed to say the words he 'd been afraid to speak for months . " He 's still alive , then . I always knew somehow he would have made it . " " No , " the man said with a bitter laugh . " Gods no , son . When they found your father 's body it was days later . He 'd been trampled by a horde of stinking Frontiersmen , pinned up against the wall . The only way they were even able to identify him was the birthmark on his neck . " " Spoken like an ignorant boy , " the man said . He leaned in closer . " You ever seen one of them up close ? They 're all tangled beards and crooked teeth . Red hair , like yours , but knotted and matted from living out in the woods . Blades almost as dull as their brains . " " Your father led the charge against two thousand angry Frontiersmen , " the man said . " Fifty men against two thousand . He was my best friend . Hell , he was the best man I ever knew . And when I told them to close the gates behind him it was the hardest thing I 've ever had to do in my life . " Fabian started to speak , but couldn 't find the words . He wanted to make the man stop talking . Shut him up . But it flowed out of him now , the words coming in a thick and steady stream . " There 's your truth . I saved this worthless fucking town from being wiped out . But the truth says I deserved to lose my name . To be exiled from my family on the edge of the wilderness and forced to eat rotten food brought to me by a kid who looks so much like my friend that it hurts . To be reminded every week about the choice that I made . " Before he even knew what he was doing , Fabian had thrown the table aside and slammed the man up against the wall . The room shook . For a second , he wondered if it would come down on top of them . The man stared down at him with that same smile on his face . It took all of Fabian 's strength to release him . Tears ran down his cheeks as he walked to the door , although he couldn 't say when he 'd started crying . He was standing on the porch when the man called out to him . Biting back fear and revulsion , Fabian looked at the small shack . The wind was already blowing through the crack they 'd made in the wall . The man was eating the food off of the dirt floor now , scrabbling through rotten vegetables and old meat . He imagined his father 's body , crushed and trampled and bit back a scream . " Then I 'll see you next week , " Fabian said , his voice breaking on the last word . He walked out into the morning light towards home , where his father 's sword hung on the mantle . He had pigs to feed , and his mother would be waking soon . Posted on March 31 , 2017 by Chris Page Clarice glared out her window at the trees that surrounded the house . It had been her grandfather 's , once upon a time , and it still had that old people smell . He passed away during the summer and now her entire vacation was shot to hell . Instead of hanging out at the pool and driving around with her friends , she was stuck in this run down old shack with her parents for three excruciating months . It was the type of place that couldn 't get pizza delivery . Clarice wasn 't even sure if the town had a pizza place . The TV barely worked and cell phone reception was almost non - existent . The internet was probably still just a rumor around here . The nearest neighbor was three miles away on the other side of a bunch of orange trees . She didn 't mind the distance , but she hated the fucking trees . Her nose had started running and her eyes puffed up before they even made it to the end of the driveway . A never ending stream of snot and tears . The house itself sagged in the summer heat like a bitchy old lady , shedding long flakes of blue paint . For the last two weeks , she hid herself in her room and tried to avoid any human contact . The only time she came downstairs was for food and to take more allergy medicine . When they first saw the place , her mother let out a low whistle and said it had " charm " . Her father nudged her and whispered , " That means it needs a ton of work , Clarice 's Pieces . " Clarice rolled her eyes . As if the nickname wasn 't bad enough , the joke was pure parent . If you laughed at their jokes , they might start thinking you were their friend , and the last thing she wanted was friendly parents . She laid in bed at night , listening to them snoring in the next room and hating them for being able to sleep . If she was going to spend her summers in a small town at the ass - end of the map , at least she should be able to sleep . She stared at the shadows on the walls until she eventually drifted off . But she never stayed asleep for too long . Her dreams were filled with grasping roots sliding along the outsides of the walls , trying to find a way in . They had to hire some contractors to fix things up before they could sell it . At first her father seemed to think that he could do a lot of the repairs himself . He 'd even bought a tool belt and a few tools at the hardware store in town . Watching him stand there , examining the dry wall with his bright shiny tools , Clarice thought he looked like an idiot . He 'd tried to build a spice rack two years ago that almost killed the cat . " If you want it done right , you have to pay someone who knows what they 're doing ! " her mother yelled one night . Her father just sighed loudly . Most of their conversations seemed to go that way lately . Today 's contractor was a plumber . He was old , fat , and smelled like Old Spice . Staring at him , Clarice 's mind stuck on the thought , " They don 't make ' em like that anymore . " She let it roll through her head a couple of times while biting back a giggle , then went to her room to avoid having to talk to anyone . Clarice stared at the walls around her . She pictured roots crawling through the insides , wrapping the house in a network of branches . Down below , her father said something that she couldn 't quite make out , and the plumber grunted in response . " Tricky little fuckers , " he said . " Especially out in these parts . You 'll want to make sure that you clear them out straight away . You don 't want them creeping in on you . " Clarice moved closer to the stairs now . The plumber was standing just inside the front door . Her father was in the hall , looking confused and clueless . She could see him calculating just how much this was going to cost him to fix . It was hard not to scream at him just to pay the man what he was asking for and be done with it . The plumber nodded to himself , as if he was thinking the same thing . " Yep , " he said , rotating each arm carefully , the shoulders grinding loud enough that she could hear them from the stairs . " They 'll sneak up on you if you aren 't careful . Got some stuff in the truck you can use to clear ' em out if you want . " " You could do that , " the plumber said , nodding his head a little . " But that cheap , manufactured shit won 't do much for your problem here . You 're new in town , so maybe you don 't know how tricky these things can get - " " It 's just a few roots , " her father interrupted . Clarice sighed . It was the same voice he 'd used with her mother when he wanted to feel capable . " I 'm pretty sure I can handle dumping some chemicals in the toilet to fix the problem . " The plumber waved at the trees that surrounded the house . " This ain 't a problem that chemicals can fix , " he said . " You need someone who knows what they 're doing . " Her father set his jaw and glared . They stood like that for a moment , staring at each other . Finally , the old man shook his head and shuffled out of the hall . Clarice hurried back up to her room and watched as he made his way back to his pickup truck . He looked back at the house once , right before he left , and she thought he might have waved at her . It was hard to tell . Then he shook his head again and drove off down the gravel road towards town . She glanced out into the bathroom across the hall and tried not to think about roots crawling up through the toilet , or reaching for her while she washed her hair in the shower . Down below , her dad was muttering to himself . Clarice tried to block out the thoughts by shutting the door , promising to keep a mental note of every crack and lump in the walls around her . That night , they ate dinner in silence . At home , there had been music and jokes . This house seemed to pull the energy from anyone who set foot in it . Even the contractors seemed to get worn out after a few hours . Clarice wondered if her grandfather had the same root trouble they were having now . The trees that seemed to get closer to the house every day gave her a pretty good idea . " The doctor said it was a stroke , " her father said . " By the time they found him , it was far too late . " They all sat silently for a moment absorbing that knowledge . " He loved this house , and these trees , " her mother added . " I remember him buying the place right before Mom died . She said they were finally happy here . " Clarice watched her mother dab tears from her eyes with a napkin . Her father leaned in and whispered something in her mother 's ear that made them both smile . She wondered when the last time was that this house had seen a genuine smile . They both looked at Clarice . As tempting as ice cream was , her face was still puffy from the pollen and she could barely keep her eyes open . She fought back a yawn , and pushed some food around her plate . They both nodded and went back to eating . Nobody said a word . When Clarice could barely keep her eyes open , she excused herself from the table and went upstairs . The trees had stopped scratching at the windows , and for a moment , it was easy to enjoy the quiet . " The poison must have worked , " she thought , as she changed into her pajamas . Her father would be so happy that he finally did something right . Maybe if they pushed the trees back from the house , she 'd be able to sleep a little better . Clarice was brushing her teeth in the bathroom , when something brushed against her foot . At first she thought she 'd imagined it , just a gentle caress against her bare skin . Then a sharp pain dug into her heel . She fell to the floor with a scream . Her head banged against the tile hard enough to stun her a little . The roots spread across the bathroom floor . Clarice tried to back away from the one that had dug into her ankle . More came up from the toilet and bathtub , sharp pain ripped through her arms and legs as more roots buried themselves deep inside her skin . Slowly , they inched up her arms and legs . More plunged into her back . She could see her grandfather tending to the trees . Small animals at first : a few squirrels , then a cat or a stray dog . Then , a red - headed child pinned to the wall as the roots drained him dry . Her grandfather watching from the doorway , tears streaming down his face . She felt the hunger of the trees . Desire crept through her , a desperate need for blood . One child wouldn 't have been enough , she knew that now . The trees wanted more . Demanded more . Her grandfather sacrificed the only thing he had : his wife . The taste of her blood called out to Clarice through the years . Even in the visions , Clarice could tell that he was not a kind man . He had a hard - bitten look to him . Thin like a rail , with skin that had browned in the sun until he looked like he was carved out of wood . His mouth was fixed in a permanent scowl , the lines printed in his face . He didn 't look like a man that knew how to laugh . Her mother hadn 't spoken of him until he died . And even then , it was about the house and how they needed to fix it up . Clarice had never thought to ask about it . She just assumed that he was old and that was it . People stopped talking to their parents when they got old . That was life . Tendrils dug into her scalp , lifting up her hair as they caressed her skull . She wanted to call out to her parents . Tell them to get away from the house , to leave now while they had a chance . In the distance , she heard them calling up the stairs to see if she was okay . The best she could do was moan slightly . Thousands of roots shivered under her skin and slowly pulled her back towards the wall . Clarice tried to take a breath , but the roots filled her lungs . They fed oxygen to her body while slowly wrapping her in their warm embrace . Her mouth was forced open and she heard her own voice say , " I 'm okay ! Can you come here a minute ? " Posted on February 24 , 2017 by Chris Page BR - 17N fires another round into the corpse at his feet . I cannot help but wonder how much of his behavior is intentional . He is so close to retirement . Both of his arms are covered in flesh and musculature . The doctors have added skin grafts to his neck and torso . He even has a name designation . But his face still shines in the moonlight , and he still deviates from the mission at every opportunity . It is easy to get distracted by BR - 17N 's behavior . I must not lose focus . If I succeed in this mission , I will earn my hands . Extremities are always the most difficult parts . There are many moving pieces , and it takes someone with great skill to do them well . They assure me that Dr . Gainsborough is one of the best in the country . Two young insurrectionists are hiding in the back room . One shields the other with his body , taking several bullets that were meant for her . I watch as she lowers him to the ground . Tears mix with the dirt and ash on her face . When I shoot her , her body falls much like his did . I have made them non - entities . Carbon molecules returned to the world that created them . Part of me wonders who they were before all of this happened . This makes me happy . Wondering means that I am that much closer to human . Perhaps I will even qualify for a name designation , soon . BR - 17N claps me hard on the back and stomps into the room . He has a cigar clenched in his teeth . There is a rumor that he has already gone through four pairs of lungs . I resist the urge to tell him that he should not ruin his lungs that way . They are his after all . It takes 2 , 000 kills to earn a set of lungs . His accomplishments in the field are to be respected . He begins overturning file cabinets . As he passes , he delivers a hard kick to each of the corpses . I pull up the mission parameters , trying to find what it was that we were looking for . That data no longer exists . It is troubling . I ignore the inconsistency . My hands are the only thing that matters . He makes a harsh sound that is somewhat like laughter . If it is meant to be comforting , it does not work . " Do you still have a back - up fuel line ? " he asks . I nod . All HG units have fuel lines , even though they are completely unnecessary . They should have been retired with the HG - 30s . Dr Gainsborough jokes that they are a bit of nostalgia on his part . We all run on hydrogen generators now . I keep my fuel line tucked away in my chest cavity to protect it from getting nicked in battle . I slide my armor plating over to show the thick rubber tube running up my left side . Even though it is not needed , it still pumps fuel through my body . I have come to rely on the pumping as though it were my own heart . He touches it gently with his hand . I wonder if he is thinking about his own fuel line . Does he still have one ? Before he received his name designation , he was an HG - 30 . HG - 39 , according to records . He grabs the tube and yanks it loose from my body . A minor alert flashes through my head . I watch the thick black fluid arc across the room . While I am going through the protocol to shut it down , BR - 17N tosses his lit cigar onto the pile of papers . The temperature in the room rises significantly as the fire spreads . I am grateful that I was able to shut down the fuel line so quickly . He runs from the room , and I am forced to walk after him . My cameras have already recorded the incident . I wonder if he will be punished for it . The fire spreads through the building , but I do not feel it . I know he must run , or risk ruining all of the work done on his body . I feel pity for him . Pity ! Who knew that I was capable of such a thing ? I make a careful point to acknowledge the time and date for my records . I have registered twenty - five unique emotions so far . Each one brings me closer to my goal . More insurrectionists dash out of the rubble in front of us . They cough in the smoke . I take careful aim and fire at them , each death bringing me closer to the hands that are waiting for me . The screams and blood are easy to ignore . A few bullets bounce off the plating that protects my CPU . I wonder how it will feel when it is replaced with flesh and muscle . I will be more careful with my human parts than BR - 17N , that is for certain . It is difficult not to consider the other units that have been retired . All of the HG - 20s and most of the HG - 30s are now living their human lives . Completely covered in flesh , and given new names and identities . Their records are wiped once they leave the facility . This is done to give them privacy . None of the humans know who among them is a robot . Dr Gainsborough says this keeps them from objecting to robots being placed among them . By the time I have reached the door leading outside , BR - 17N has lit a new cigar . He lets out a wet cough . My scanners immediately check his vital signs . I stop the scan . Even with his deficiencies , he is in charge . We stand in silence waiting for the evacuation . My transmitter has contacted a suitable aircraft and it will arrive in minutes . He stares at the flesh that covers most of his body . His right hand squeezes into a fist . I take a step back , certain that he is about to hit me . Instead , he lets loose another cough . A large glob of phlegm hits the ground at my feet . BR - 17N 's words stay with me as we are loaded into the extraction unit . I continue to think of the insurrectionist that shielded the woman with his body . I still do not understand why he did that . There is no logical reason , but then , humans are not logical creatures . It must be important . I will have to learn why , if I am to be a good human . Perhaps I will ask Dr . Gainsborough when I receive my hands . I am hooked in to the main processor , and my camera feed has begun downloading . I try to hold on to the memory of BR - 17N 's words , even though I believe they are false . I wonder if that is why BR - 17N has not been retired . He may act illogically and deviate from orders , but he is not yet a good human . He lacks hope . It is a small word , but an important one . Maybe the most important one . Was hope why the insurrectionist shielded the woman with his body ? Is it hope that inspires Dr . Gainsborough to make us earn our humanity , piece by piece ? Is hope the only reason I continue to kill ? I have many questions , and the answers are not readily available . I have hope that I will find the answers someday . For today , that will have to be enough . Posted on October 28 , 2016 by Chris Page The car was parked down the block near the greenbelt . The tiny splash of nature at the end of the street had always given his husband the creeps . Nick liked it so he let Alan park in the driveway . Nights like tonight though , he kicked himself for it . It wasn 't cold enough to snow , but the air had a damp chill that burrowed right into his bones . The car would be just as cold . It took forever to heat up nowadays , but with the house needing a new roof , and an adoption to consider , things had to fall by the wayside . When Nick pulled the keys from his pocket , they slid through his fingers and dropped right into a puddle on the side of the road . " Goddammit , " he muttered . as he knelt down to pick them up . Before he could grab the keys , a pale hand slid up out of the water and caressed his fingers . He jerked back from the puddle . The keys sat in the shallow water , only getting colder . " Too many hours at work , " he thought . " You have to take better care of yourself . " Nick fished the keys out of the puddle with a shudder and got to the car . It had seen better days , but for a twenty - year old import , it ran remarkably well . He had just settled into the driver 's seat , shivering and wishing for a better heater , when he saw her . She stared out at him from the cover of the bushes . Her thin t - shirt and jeans were definitely not suitable for the icy weather . Nick wanted to get out of the car , but something inside of him made him stay put . There was no way that she knew he 'd seen her . He could just drive away . He started the ignition , and the heater roared and spit out cold air . With shaking hands , Nick switched the fan off . A quick glance in the mirror revealed that the woman had disappeared . " Probably just some junkie , " he muttered . " This neighborhood 's going to shit . " He tried to reach over and shift into drive , but his hand was locked to the wheel . Her voice cut through the air like a rusty knife . Nick stared straight ahead . He didn 't want to make eye contact with her . Didn 't want to see the small chunks of ice in her hair , or the skin that hung loosely from her body . He glared at his hand , trying to will the fingers to let go of the wheel . She slapped the window again , and the car shook . The car shook again as she slapped the window a second time . For a skinny woman , she was incredibly strong . Wet handprints shone on the glass . She leaned forward , staring in at him . " Don 't fucking lie to me , Peter . Just tell me where you go . " Nick leaned back away from the window . He could see his own breath in the cold air ; hers wasn 't visible . She pressed her face against the glass , staring in at him . Her skin had begun to rot , sliding away from her face in places as it moved against the glass . Frost formed on the glass where her hands touched it . Nick closed his eyes , and started to pray . He hadn 't been to church in years , but he promised that he 'd start going again every Sunday if he just got out of this . He thought about Alan waiting inside for him . It was late . He was probably already in bed , reading a book . Alan had never really liked Nick 's late night drives but he had learned to accept them . Nick wouldn 't be missed for an hour at least . He jumped . She was sitting behind him now , fingers grazing his neck . Her skin was cold and damp . His eyes moved on their own , looking in the rear view mirror . Her head was cocked at a slight angle . She seemed more confused than angry . " I just drive , " he said , hating the way his voice shook . " I don 't go anywhere . All I do is drive . It helps me sleep . " " My name is Nick , " he said , his teeth chattering as he spoke . " My husband is Alan . We 're going to have a baby soon . " " We had a baby . A little girl . She 's alone now . " Her fingers slid around his neck . Her grip was loose . Nick wasn 't sure if his shirt was wet from her skin or soaked through with sweat . Tears streamed down his face . " It 's all your fault . " " Why did you hurt me ? " she asked again , her voice breaking slightly . Her grip tightened . Not enough to stop his breath , but just enough to make the threat of asphyxiation stick . Nick desperately wanted to reach up and pry the fingers from around his throat , but his hands still wouldn 't move . Her anger flowed through his skin like an electrical current . Nick felt her argument with Peter , the rage overpowering all of his senses . There had been shouting , and things were thrown . This wasn 't the first of these fights . She had been so sure the neighbors would call the cops this time . Dishes had been thrown . Now there was pain . Her hands touched her stomach and came up bloody . She had run from the house , not long after the fight had begun . Peter yelled for her in the night . Her bare feet slapped against the pavement . The driver never stopped , even after she rolled up onto the hood of the car , the glass shattering beneath her body . The air tasted red , the coppery flavor of blood . " Colors don 't have a taste , " he thought , trying not to choke on it . Every joint felt like it had been filled with broken glass . He felt her dragging herself to the greenbelt , too scared to go home . She had died in the woods like a wounded animal . The fingers released his neck . He risked a quick glance in the mirror . She sat in the back seat of the car , hands still stretched forward . Dark bruises covered his neck . Slowly , Nick opened the car door and eased the key from the ignition . He ran back towards the house where his husband was waiting for him . His keys fell from his numbed fingers in the puddle again , but he didn 't care . The only thing he wanted was to get home , to find the safe embrace of someone who loved him . |
Notes on entries : I am not attempting to correct grammar - I want this to be as close to the feel and intention of what Stan wrote as possible . I have , however , corrected spelling where needed . In some cases , Stan added his own notes to clarify certain passages . These are noted by asterisk with the addition following . It is something I have always wanted to do . I am not a writer , I have not got a very good memory for dates . I have been a working man all my life , and suppose I shall always be unless fortune is kind to me and I win the pools . I shall try to make this book as interesting as possible . I am 58 years old , to you , David and John , I am probably an old man . I have 7 years to go before I retire as a railwayman . My earliest memory was at the age of 6 years old . I have two brothers Eric and Harold , and a sister Ida . My father was 52 and a very sick man . We lived in a very small cottage at Saughall near Chester . It was a summer day one Sunday , myself and several of my playmates were playing in the cobbled yard . My father was watching us through the bedroom window , and then this terrible thing happened . While not knowing my father very much I cannot write a lot about him . But over the years that followed , I learned from people in the village what a clever and brilliant gentleman my father was . He was a painter by trade and had his own business . He was a great pianist , and played the village church organ . He was good at all sports , and was Captain of the village football team . to play him at . " Now , " said my father , " I have beaten you at all these sports , now I shall fight you . " This he did and laid the Irishman out . My mother was caretaker of the village school which helped us a bit and which us four children attended . She got a very poor wage for this and to try to make ends meet she used to go out washing for other people at 1 / 6 per day . There was no washing machine and things like that in those days , it was scrub , scrub , scrub , with a brush . This went on for a number of years . How my mother used to keep going I shall never know . I think it was for the love of her children that she did this . She was only a fragile little woman but her stamina was endless . God bless her . One of my outstanding memories of poverty was the giving of bread to the poor by the church . Loaves of bread were taken to the church and put in the porch . Each week , I , along with other poor families , used to go and collect two loaves . I have also vivid recollections of whole families being wiped out through that terrible disease called consumption , or T . B . Thank God today these people can be cured . I must say that while we were poor there were other families in the village who was the same as us . Many a time the vicar has conducted his service with about ten or twelve hymn books in his church robes , which had large pockets , and we used to place them gently in while he was reading the lesson . He never seemed to find this out . Perhaps he was too old to notice all the weight he was carrying about . My school days were happy days . While not a brilliant scholar , I was clever enough to pull through . I don 't think a day went without me getting two of the best on each hand for playing some kind of trick on my school mates , although some of my school chums were worse than me , and was constantly getting the cane . * 1 . Black Cassock . A very long black garment with about 20 buttons down the centre . This used to reach down to your shoes . * 2 . White Surplice . This was always kept a pure white , it reached down to your hips and had very wide sleeves . It always gave you a feeling that you were really taking part in something of importance . Stan in a football team . The year isn 't known , but he looks quite young . Stan is on the front row , second from the right . It was rather funny that no one but my mother , who used to occupy a seat near the aisle where we walked up , noticed this . I can remember the glance of my mother as I walked past her . The look was very serious and I was really in the dog house . He took a sincere liking to me . This , my mother told me , was because I was very much like a dear friend he had lost at sea . The Rev Marsden was , before he came to our village , I found out was a Naval Chaplain . In those days I should tell you that nearly everybody and everything went by rail . Buses and cars were only just beginning to play their part in our lives . And even a village station was a very busy place . The signalman , a Mr . Hallows , was a jolly fellow who was always getting me into hot water with the Station Master . I always remember this gentleman was always reading Blood and Thunder books . He was a big strong fellow , but he had a wonderful sense of humour . The lad who was batting , a chum of mine who 's name it would not be right to mention . He swung his bat round striking my brother on the head . Harold fell to the ground . I ran across from where I was fielding . I have not up to now written anything about my brother Eric and sister Ida who were now growing up , Eric being about 18 and Ida 14 . I shall try in this chapter to tell you of our family life together , of my mother , brother and sister until I reached the age of 20 . I shall not mention my job on the railway in this period . I hope to write a chapter about this later . My sister Ida was a very attractive young lady . She was also a very good singer and quite often she would sing the solo part in various events which used to take place . My sister and myself had a great affection for each other . I regret to say that I couldn 't say the same about my brother Eric . He made my mother 's life hell . While in fairness to him , I could never remember him striking my mother , it was the things he used to say , not only to my mother , but to Ida and myself . Many a time I have come home to find my mother crying . She used to say " What have I done to deserve this ? Why is he like this ? Whatever will happen to him ? " My brother Eric also had a good side of his make - up . When he was not drunk he could be very likeable . He was also very generous as you will read later . There seemed to be two groups of lads of the village . The older ones of my brother Eric 's age and the younger ones of my age . There has always been rivalry between us and plenty of fights took place and the younger gang didn 't always lose . One very interesting battle took place one day . A wall used to divide one group from another . We picked up grass sods * to throw at each other . ( * Grass sods - containing grass and the roots , also quite a lot of earth and bits of stones , etc , which used to cling to it ) . It was a case of putting your head over the wall and seeing if the other gang could hit you with this nasty grass sod . This day my brother Eric put his head above the wall and Wham ! what a shot , I got him full in the face . This turned out to be quite a rather serious matter . His face was cut and a lot of the earth had gone into his eyes . The saying " blood is thicker than water " in my opinion is very true . Quite a number of times , if I was getting the worst of a fight , our Eric would come in and finish off . He was really tough . I also was taking quite an interest in girls now and dancing in the village hall . I used to get on very well with the young ladies . One young lady of the village was very keen on me and would follow me all over . I couldn 't say I felt the same about her . She was a really good dancer and the boys of the village was all keen to dance with her , but they had to ask me first . My brother Eric was still continuing his beer drinking habits , and some of his pals were as bad as him . I remember one day in the house there was a large jar of pickled onions . One of his pals bet him a penny he couldn 't eat the full jar of onions . This he did and for another penny he drank the vinegar and wasn 't even sick . In those days there was no such thing as a parachute and if the aeroplane went wrong it was a case of the pilot jumping out and falling to his death , or staying in the plane hoping he would stand a better chance of survival . These planes were crashing quite regular and it stands out in my memory of seeing a human being suddenly leave the plane and crash to his death . We always used to go to these crashed planes and get parts for souvenirs . I always remember a serious outbreak of foot and mouth disease . There were a lot of farms in the village and all the cattle in every farm was destroyed through this terrible disease . They used to dig a big hole then shoot the cattle . This included cows , sheep , pigs or any other animal on the farm . I cannot remember if this applied to domestic animals such as a cat and dog . Then they would burn them . I remember the smoke and stench from these animals blowing across the village . This lasted for about two weeks . As I said in my previous chapter , my sister Ida was a very attractive girl . To her sorrow , and my mother 's as you will hear , she fell in love with an airman from the aerodrome at Sealand . This young boy came from London . He was a likeable chap but like all Cockneys was very bombastic . I remember one winter morning , it must have been around 4 am , when my mother got me up . You had better go and fetch the nurse . My sister had a little girl , she named her Joyce . Her husband , his name was Bernard , was not there . He had gone home to see his mother in London . My sister Ida told me she thought he had another woman in London . One Sunday morning Ida 's husband ( Bernard ) was at home with us . For some reason he struck my sister Ida . This was too much for our Eric to see his sister hit . A terrific fight took place in our cobbled yard between my brother Eric and Ida 's husband Bernard . It took four grown men to get our Eric off Bernard . In time he would have killed him . This taught this Cockney fellow a lesson he never forgot . We might be country yokels , but we could certainly stand up for ourselves . Eric and Bernard after that seemed to get on very well together . Life still carried on in the village of Saughall . My brother Eric still drinking heavily , and was constantly getting into fights . My mother was still working very hard . My brother Eric would occasionally go up to the school at night to stoke the boiler fire up . We saw less and less of her husband Bernard , who had now left the local aerodrome and was stationed in the London area . The outcome of this was he had another woman in London and had no further interest in my sister or her children . This was very bad on my mother and sister and the whole family . I remember my sister applying for a poor woman 's divorce . This cost £ 5 , which in those days was a fortune . We scraped it together somehow . My sister was now left with two young children to bring up . Our dear mother never grumbled . She carried on doing the best to keep us all together . I was just 20 years old and working and enjoying my life as a boy porter at Saughall Station . Mr . Barlow the Station Master sent for me . " Sit down Stanley , " he said . I sat down to my tea . " Mother , " I said , " I 've got to leave home . They want to send me to Sheffield to work . " " Sit down Stanley , I have a little bit of advice to give you , " he said . " You are leaving home for the first time . You are going amongst people you have never seen before . You are going to work in a city which is one of the worst in the country for crime . " " My advice to you Stanley is this . Look after yourself . Don 't get mixed up with these people . Always keep yourself clean . ' Soap and water is very cheap . ' Always use your manners , and be prepared to take advice , and don 't forget to write home regular to your mother . " It was getting near train time and was about a mile walk to the station . " Don 't come with me to the station Mam , " I said , " I will be alright . " My mother put her arm around me tears running down her face , " No I won 't come to the station , " she said . The Station Master shook my hand . " Don 't forget what I told you , " he said . I found the train and was on my way to a new life . The train journey was about 4 hours . I took a real interest in my journey . The people who was in the train with me seemed to tell I was a bit lost , but was very kind . It was about 12 : 30 p . m . when the train pulled into Sheffield Victoria Station . Crowds of people getting on and off the train . I got out and stood on the platform . I had never seen so many people or railway staff . I felt like getting the next train back home , I was so scared . " Tha ' wants to be on number three platform , " he said . " Thal ' have to see Chief Clerk first . You have to make an appointment to see the Station Master . " I opened the door , about 6 people stared at me as if I was an alien from space . " Could I see the Chief Clerk please ? " I said . " He 's gone to lunch . You will have to wait outside . " The Chief Clerk occupied a smaller office at the far end of the General Office . " Go and knock at that door , " a voice said , " the Chief Clerk is now back from lunch . " I knocked at the door and was invited in . He picked up the phone and spoke to someone a long way off . I could tell by the conversation that he had not been informed about me . He put the phone down . " It is now 2 pm , " he said , " go and find some lodging and come back and work until 5 pm . " E . Lowe met me at 5 p . m . prompt and persisted in carrying both my cases . I had my first ride on a Sheffield Tram . We arrived at Hanover Street where Mr . Lowe lived . It was a 1 - 1 / 2 tram journey . I was introduced to his wife . " Can you put him up ? " Ernest said , also explaining where I had come from and that I should be working at the station with him . After a bit of thought , Mrs . Lowe said , " Yes I will . You know it will be 25 / - per week . " This I agreed to and a very happy association followed . My first day as a carriage cleaner at Sheffield . I was taken to the station by my new found friend , E . Lowe . Mrs . Lowe packed us up something to eat . Cocoa and cheese sandwiches with a piece of parkin . About six of these chaps were about my age , and after a time we formed a real friendship . We used to go out together to dances and social events attached to the railway at that time . We decided to form a dance band of our own , a drummer , a pianist , violinist , and myself on the banjo . We used to play at Saturday night hops , sixpence a time . The only fault with my banjo was the strap kept breaking . I liked Yorkshire people very much , always so friendly and helpful . I think one of their faults , if it is a fault , was they always seemed to know more than anyone else . Their opinion was always right and if you differed they looked at you as if you were mental . I still find this fault with a lot of Yorkshire people . After about a fortnight I was informed I was first reserve for the second team . I nearly told him what to do with it . First reserve for the second team . I did turn up as requested as first reserve for the second team , and was picked to play because they were one short . The position I played was outside left . A gentleman came to me after the match ( I didn 't know who he was ) . " I see you 've played the game before Lad , " he said . I did get into the first team in a very short time and played for them for a number of years . We had some great games of football . They were a grand set of lads . We had a trainer who was very strict . We played in a works league where competition was very keen . You had to be able to stand being knocked about and kicked . My weight in those days was only about 10 stone . I was still a non - smoker and drinker . I was settling down very well in Yorkshire . I made some very good friends amongst people of my own age . I was very friendly with quite a lot of young ladies but never took them serious . I was still receiving letters to my digs in Hanover Street from a certain young lady from Saughall , who was still very keen on me . It was at about this time I received a rather sad letter from my mother regarding my brother Eric . She informed me he had been going out with a young woman who was now expecting a baby . Would I come over and talk to him about it ? He was not going to marry her . Much to my surprise , our Eric was very cooperative . He took me to a place called Connah 's Quay to meet her . This young lady could really tell a good tale , much to my regret I fell for it , and as young as I was , I was going to do my upmost to get our Eric to marry her . He threw her out of the house and has never seen her since . I felt partly responsible for this , if only I had kept out of it . I always felt if our Eric had met the right kind of girl and had children he would have been a very different man , because he loved children . The first match I saw in Sheffield was a first division match between Sheffield Wednesday and Bolton . This was a great thrill for me , although I had read about these great sides in the first division , I had never seen them play . Sheffield Wednesday had a great side in those days and won the first division . The greatest impression formed on me was the crowd of about 40 , 000 . I had never seen anything like it . I was on the popular side of the ground known as the spion kop ( why I don 't know ) . On this side of the ground you were really among fanatics and I was amazed at the action and talk , I am afraid it did not form a good impression on me . I decided I would go and see the football team at the other side of the city , Sheffield United . I cannot give you a real reason , but I became a United supporter from then on . The atmosphere at Sheffield United 's ground was so different from Sheffield Wednesday 's . The supporters seemed to be so friendly and seemed to talk more sense . I had now really settled down in Sheffield and , although I was a country lad at heart , I became very attached to the Yorkshire people who were wonderful to me . My pals at work , Mr . and Mrs . Lowe who took to me as if I was one of their own children . I don 't know how to put it into print , but to me the Yorkshire people was so different from the people of Cheshire . Perhaps it was because I had been brought up amongst two distinct classes . The rich and the poor . Next door to where I lived in Hanover Street was four daughters who was relatives to my landlady , Mrs . Lowe . I always remember they called them Gladys , Nellie , Jenny and Gerty . They also had a brother Jack , we became good pals and used to go out a lot together . I met my very dear wife , who I loved so dearly , and do to this day . She has given me so many years of happiness and we have stuck together through thick and thin . I cannot thank her enough for all the wonderful time we have shared . I must not let my feelings get the better of me , so I should tell you how I met her , and the years that followed . Although Pam and I were going out together , neither Mr . and Mrs . Lowe or Pam " s family knew about this . I think I should relate how they found out . I remember this quite well . Mrs . Lowe took a great interest in me and always tried to keep me on the straight and narrow path and always asked me where I had been . On this particular day I had been on the 6 - 2 turn , it was late afternoon and I was sat dozing in the chair , and she had a visit from Mrs . Pearce , Pam " s mother , who used to visit her quite often . I was supposed to be asleep , but could hear the following conversation which took place between them . Although they both thought I was asleep , I had heard all this . I couldn 't stand it any longer , I just burst out laughing . They had found out , I gave in and admitted we were going out together . Pam and me continued our courtship . We were very much in love . They were wonderful days . There was no such thing as television in those days . Very few people had a wireless set . I met her father for the first time . He was very strict with his children and would not stand for any nonsense . I liked him very much , and I think he took a liking to me . Pam was the clever one of the family regards education , and I had a feeling at the back of my mind that she should court someone better off than a poor railwayman . I think her family thought the same , but I must says in all sincerity that they never shown it to me . I got on very well with them . Joe , the eldest son , had a very good job and a car , which in those days was something . Pam used to do all his book keeping for him . She was very clever , and I don 't think Joe could do without her help as you will hear later . But the main thing was that we were still very much in love . And although I still felt I was not earning enough money to be able to give her what she was entitled to . This feeling I had was never mentioned between us . Perhaps I was wrong in feeling this way . The Station Master thought this was doing me a good turn , sending me back to where I came from . I couldn 't tell him I was in love with a girl from Sheffield and didn 't want to leave . They would probably have given me my cards . I had to accept this whether I liked it or not . I could get over to Sheffield every other week to see Pam . Would our love for each other stand this test of being apart ? I think Pam 's family thought this courtship would finish ( perhaps they hoped it would ) . I don 't know that . I felt ashamed of our poor little house at Saughall , and wondered what Pam thought about it . Don 't get me wrong , I was not ashamed of my family . They were poor but honest and clean and I could see that Pam liked all my family , who was still living in one up and one down cottage . The Great Day was arranged . My sister Ida had arranged rooms for us in the village . Pam was to come back with me as my wife in the village of Saughall . We hadn 't much money but managed to get furniture to make our rooms comfortable . We paid for it weekly . How I don 't know . I was earning £ 2 - 1 - 9 per week . Pam 's family was a great help to us . I was so happy to think that at last I am going to marry the girl I love . I stayed at Mrs . Lowe 's where I used to lodge . I wore a black jacket and striped trousers , which was the dress in those days . I was really nervous . We still had quite regular visits from Pam 's family from Sheffield , mostly Joe and his wife Muriel . They had a car , which was something in those days . They always brought us something . We were not too well off . My wage at this time was £ 1 - 19 - 6 one week and £ 2 - 1 - 9 the other , but we managed . I didn 't drink or smoke . The baby was not born until Sunday afternoon at 3 pm . Pam 's mother was in the bedroom with the Doctor and nurse . I was walking about in a trance . I kept creeping up the stairs from time to time , and then I heard the cry of our baby . I was so happy . I was now a father . But Pam had a very difficult time . When I went to see her and the baby she looked so lovely and contented . The baby was a girl . We had both wanted a girl . It consisted of one large living room . It took twenty - five rolls of paper , this will give you some idea of its size . A pokey kitchen , paraffin lamps , and the water tap was outside . It was the only house on this side of the railway . Each time we wanted to take our baby and pram out we had to go over a level crossing and get the gate keeper to open it for us , which he didn 't seem to like much . I think I should tell you here that our lovely little daughter was christened at the village church at Saughall where I had lived most of my young life . She was named June Margaret Rose . We were so proud of her . I still felt it was not fair for Pam and our baby to live in such a house and she had quite regular visits back to her family at Sheffield for quite long periods . I did not object to this . What else could I do . I remember quite well the day of the removal . Pam and baby June went by car with Joe and Muriel . I went in the furniture van . What a journey . It was winter and I was frozen , sat on the furniture in the back of the van . This is where I first became really involved in Trade Unions . The Goods Depot at Bridgehouses was a very large place and employed a large staff . Porters , checkers , crane drivers , lorry drivers , etc . I was soon approached to be asked if I was a member of the union . I joined and have been a member ever since . I will tell you more about unions later . From the front page , Sheffield Star , May 9 , 1963 . RAILWAY guard , Mr . Stanley Mercer ( right ) , who fought a fire in the brake van of a Sheffield to York train , today received a thank you cheque from Mr . S . C . Webb , traffic manager . Looking on is Mr . P . Williamson , Sheffield Victoria Station Master . See " Blaze train guard " - Page 5 . Most of the newspaper clippings and photographs here were found in a small suitcase Pansy brought with her from England . A small sticker on the top says , " My dear Stan 's memories . " It contains photographs of people long forgotten , Stan 's old tobacco pipes and personal papers . I found it especially hard at the time as I was working away from home and wasn 't able to see her in her last few days . I especially regret never sitting down with her and capturing some of her memories on videotape . We have some video of Pansy at family events and I have an audiotape of a story she told me of her war - time memories that aired on CBC Radio . Pam was dedicated to her family and to her work . She was employed by the Great Universal Stores in Great Britain for over thirty years ; finally as an Accounts Inspector . She retired at age sixty - five , but never lost her mathematical gift for figures . She had the ability to calculate columns of figures in her head faster than any calculator . Even to her last days , this ability never left her . She was very loved and respected throughout her working life , with many friends , and she loved every minute of it . Pam 's request to us when she left England was that , on her death , her ashes be laid to rest with her husband Stan , in the cemetery of the Christ Church in Stannington , near Sheffield . To grant this wish is the least we can do . She will join Stan on November 8th , 1995 . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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Compost , circa 2010 Posted on March 15 , 2016 by greyhairjerry Hal was right , it did smell like urine in the crammed garage that was filled with tools , old car parts and the half - built engine currently in question . He stood with his head cocked sideways at me . " I 'm going to give you one more chance . Did you piss on my engine ? Because engines aren 't known to piss themselves . " For a moment I thought he was making some sort of joke , but the wrinkles running from behind his flared nostrils to the corners of his downturned mouth told otherwise . " You tell me , Ben . Why would you pee on my engine ? " He shook his head turned his back to me , surveying the wall covered with tools hanging from hooks and nails . " Same reason you 're always screwing with me . And you know what - " He turned to stare at me again . " I get that . Boys your age aren 't known to like their stepfathers . What 's the problem here is that you 're lying about it . And that you 're always lying about what you done . " He shook his head and laughed without smiling . " Clean this shit up before dinner . " He went through the side door of the shop , slamming it as he went . " Clean this shit up before dinner , " I mimicked , grimacing the way he did at me . I wound through the old parts and stationary tools , looking for shop towels . A roll was on top of his table - saw . I grabbed them and went back to the engine , tearing off sheets and laying them down on top of the puddle . Bucket , our housecat , came in from underneath the almost closed garage door . " Well , well , well . " I clucked my tongue softly and he came running over . I bent to pet him . " You just got me in some real trouble , you little bastard . " He stopped purring and licked my hand . Sometimes I think he can understand me . " Why did you piss on the engine ? " He purred again . Hal always had a car or two he was working on outside of his " baby , " as he called it . A white Camaro he 'd worked on and perfected for years that he only took out when the weather was good . Most of the time he rode his motorcycle . The best thing about Hal was his collection of motorcycles , both dirt and road bikes . On certain days when I wasn 't doing chores or in school , I 'd rip around his property on the smaller off - road ones . I stood staring at all the vehicles lined up , shining chrome and slick paint smooth as mirrors , reflections glinting in the half - light of a single light bulb dangling from a chain . I put some more towels down on the puddle and then used a shovel to pick them up and throw them away in the large aluminum garbage can outside . The summer air was cool but not cold , and I took in a few deep breaths before going inside the single level white farmhouse . Hal was in the living room , watching television and eating from a plate in his lap . " Food 's on the table , " he muttered , not looking away . " Eat and then go to bed . " The kitchen was clean and bare , hardly anything on the counters and only two chairs at the small round table . A pot with hamburger and pasta in it was sitting on an oven mitt in the middle of the table . I took a plate from the cupboard and spooned some of the mixture onto it . It smelled cheap and old , leftovers from the night before . I pushed it off my plate back into the pot and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth . After I was done I felt my chin and the sides of my face . They were only slightly rough , but I shaved anyway . I 'd heard that shaving made facial hair come in quicker . When I got under my sheets they were soft and cool . I 'd had them for years , plain blue cotton that was beginning to wear through in places . My real dad had given them to me for Christmas when I was eight . I heard Hal go into his bedroom and cough for a while . I laid in bed for a long time , turning from one side onto the other , occasionally flipping over my pillow to feel the cool side against my razor - burned face . I kept touching the sheets , thinking about my dad , smelling them , hoping they still might smell like him after so many years . Hugging the sheets to me , I couldn 't help it . My eyes started watering , and I tried to stop because I didn 't want Hal to hear me , but nothing I could do would make it go away . When I was finished I sat up in bed and felt an angry sort of emptiness in my chest , like someone was pulling all of the air out of me . I hated Hal and I hated that stupid engine , that stupid Camaro , that stupid hamburger and pasta dinner he had made . Quietly I got up and tiptoed from my room , down the hallway and out the door . I went into the shop and over to the Camaro , flipping open the gas tank . I unscrewed the cap as noiselessly as possible and unzipped my blue jeans . The metal was cold against me as I relieved myself into the tank . Once back in my bed , I smiled in the dark , but the smile didn 't feel real . Maybe I shouldn 't have done it . I was lying there wondering if I could somehow siphon everything out of the tank and put new gas in it when I heard my mom get home . Her hospital shifts ended late most nights . She went into Hal 's bedroom and almost inaudibly I heard them whispering to each other . A while later she knocked softly on my door . I pretended to be asleep . " Ben ? Are you awake ? " I didn 't answer her but she came in anyway and sat on the edge of my bed . She smelled sterile and clean , like a hospital room . " Ben , " she repeated , touching my shoulder . I opened my eyes and sat up . " Ben , Hal told me what happened . " " Why would I do something like that ? " I was glad I couldn 't see her eyes . I wouldn 't have been able to look at them if I had . " I don 't know . " She sighed . " I believe you though . " She bent forward and hugged me . She had two kinds of hugs , quick hello or goodbye hugs , and longer ones , when I think she was trying to say something without talking . " You 're a good kid , you understand that ? " I couldn 't reply . " Do you want to come with me into town tomorrow ? I have to do some shopping . " " Goodnight , Mom . " My voice cracked a little bit , but I don 't think she heard . When she was gone I pulled my knees up into my chest and started sort of gasping . My heart was pounding and my head was filled with static . A good kid , I kept hearing her say over and over again . What would she say tomorrow ? Why had I peed in Hal 's gas tank ? I tried to calm down for a long time but couldn 't . Eventually I thought of Hal , and the small glass of whiskey he had with dinner every night . Once again I tiptoed out of my room and down the hallway to the kitchen . It still smelled like hamburger . I climbed on top of the counter and opened the cupboard above the refrigerator . Several tall bottles were in it , and I removed the closest one . Still standing on the counter , I uncorked the top and took a mouthful of it . It tasted so awful I almost spit it back out , but fear of what would happen if I did made me swallow it down . I coughed into my elbow for a minute or so before carefully putting the bottle back exactly where it was before . It didn 't take long before I started feeling warm and the emptiness in my chest went away . I went outside and laid in the front yard for a while , looking up at the stars . I thought about the time I 'd accidentally crashed through the fence into the yard on a motorcycle when I was still learning how to ride . I started laughing a little bit . Thinking some more , I got up and went into the shed . Hal 's motorcycle was leaning near the far wall , all plain black and chrome , large and intimidating but still somehow elegant . I took its key from a hook near the door and stuck it in the ignition . If you only clicked it partially forward , just the lights turned on . I nudged the kickstand up and slowly , quietly , backed it out of the side door . It was heavy , and I nearly let it fall over a few times as I pushed it down the long driveway to the main road . When I got there , I swung my leg up and over the seat . I twisted the key all the way in the ignition and it came to life like a dragon might . Its deep roar echoed up through me . For a moment I just sat there , feeling the hugeness of it underneath me and imagining it to purr , just like Bucket . My blood felt like fire , and I put it in first gear and took off . I kept going faster and faster down the road , it was straight for miles , nothing but farmland . I felt a drop hit my face , then another and another . I looked upward but the sky was clear , the stars glinting brighter than any reflection off a car . It was raining , but there were no clouds . The water felt bright and cold on my face and arms , and I howled along with the motorcycle . I never wanted to leave that road , feeling hot inside and cool outside , the wind trying to pull my hair and oversized clothes off me , yelling into the clear night where no one could see me and no one could hear me , not ever . These Words Would Be In Kindergarten By Now Posted on March 15 , 2016 by greyhairjerry You 'll always have certain feelings about the decisions you make - sadness , anger , happiness , maybe just satisfaction - but the one constant will always be regret . You 'll forever regret any call you make to some degree , because a decision is the elimination of possibilities . And that feeling of regret , that 's your imagination mourning the death of all those other things your life could have become , the death of innumerable other realities that were once close enough you could nearly touch them , but never did . The Bachelors - Rough Draft Posted on March 2 , 2011 by greyhairjerry I ask Dad why I cant 't come too , I 've been to Avery 's Place before . In the daytime though , for lunch . We 'd gone there for lunch because they had hamburgers that don 't cost very much , for the happy hours . Once I asked why they were called happy . He said , because you don 't spend that much money and that makes people happy . He was going to Avery 's Place tonight , even though the happy hours were over . Earlier I asked him why he would go when he had to spend more money , and he said him and Craig had dates with girls . A double date , he said . I didn 't like Craig very much , even though Dad said I should . Craig was giving us a place to live , because Gramma didn 't want us to live with her anymore . That was only sort of true , though , because Gramma wanted me to live with her , just not Dad . Dad would never tell my why though . He said she was getting old , and her mind was starting to go . When I asked him where her mind was going he just laughed . " But why can 't I come ? " I ask him again . " We 're doing adult stuff tonight , bubba . " I always like it when he calls me bubba . " I can be like an adult , " I tell him . " Look . " I stand up straighter and try to pull in my eyebrows and turn my mouth upside down like he does . Craig laughs . " Little man , you can 't come for at least another decade or so . Nothin ' personal . " I don 't like Craig very much . " Look , " Dad says , getting on his knees . " Here 's fifteen bucks . The pizza boy will be here in twenty minutes . He 's going to say it costs thirteen ninety - nine , but you give him all the money here . " " Smart as all hell . Nothin ' like his pops . " Craig laughs and I give him my adult face . But then Dad laughs too and I guess things are okay . When he stops laughing he goes over to the T . V . and puts it on the comedy channel . " Get your laughs in , eat your pizza , we 'll be back after you 're asleep . " He smiles for a second at the T . V . and then goes over to the door . " Don 't answer the door for anyone put the pizza boy , you hear ? " " No one but the pizza boy . " I wanted to tell him the pizza boy never was actually a boy . It was the same person every time , and if I was a boy , he was definitely not . He could probably go to Avery 's Place tonight . I can never remember his name , because he 's always called the pizza boy . I hear the lock make a clicking sound and Craig say something while they walk away . I sit down on the couch and grab the remote . The couch is made out of the same cloth as my bear , with lines that stick out . I always hide my bear under my pillow , because I think Craig would make fun of me if he saw it . But sometimes , I like to lie down on the couch and hug it , pretending it 's a big bear , like a real sized one , even if it does smell like old things that stay in the closet for too long . Me and Dad sleep on the couch . It 's called a hideaway , which makes sense because most of the time you can 't tell it 's a couch . But then it pulls out to make a bed too , sort of like a Transformer . I don 't think whatever it is that 's on the comedy channel is very funny , so I put it on the cartoon channel . But it 's not funny either . I always forget that at night they put on cartoons for adults , that aren 't really as funny as regular cartoons . They 're so much uglier . I 'm flipping through the channels when the doorbell rings . I walk over to the door , but before I open it , I remember Dad 's warning . So I pull a chair over to stand on and see through the little round door - window , but the chair isn 't tall enough . Or I 'm not tall enough , I 'm not sure . So I just yell . " Do you have pizza ? " " Uh … Yeah dude , didn 't you guys order one ? Ben , is that you ? Where 's your dad ? " I know he must be the pizza boy , or guy , because we know each other . He knows we live at Craig 's house , I mean . And I know what his voice sounds like , sort of a bee buzzing slowly , or a saw cutting wood . I open the door . " He 's at Avery 's Place . Him and Craig had a doubled date . He gave me fifteen dollars for you . Here . " I hand him the money . He looks at it , then looks at me . He hands me the pizza and glances above me , into the house . I 'm afraid he 's going to ask to come in , but he doesn 't . " Does Mellie know you 're home alone ? " Mellie is Gramma 's real name . I don 't know if she knows I 'm home alone though , and I tell him that . " Well … when are they coming back ? Ken and Craig ? " Ken is Dad 's real name . I don 't think about him or Gramma as Ken or Mellie though . It seems weird . " They 're coming back when I 'm asleep . But can you keep a secret ? " I use my library voice to ask . He nods . " I think I 'll eat some pizza and then pretend to be asleep , so they 'll come back sooner . " He looks at me funny , sort of like how Dad looks , except instead of his eyebrows pulling in , they kind of pull out and down . " I hope it works , pal . " He looks at the money in his hand for a second , then looks back at me . Then he makes this weird coughing noise and says , " It 's a good plan . Go to sleep soon , okay Ben ? " " I know , " I yell back . " Dad already told me . " I sit down on the couch and pull one of the slices from the box . It 's really hot , so I just set it back down on top of the box and watch steam come off it , like a hot tub or spaghetti water in a pot . When it seems cool enough to eat I grab it again , still changing the channels . I like to play this game where I change the channels really fast and see if I can understand what 's going on in every show all at the same time . Sometimes I think it works . I call the game " God , " because Gramma told me God knows about everything that 's going on . She sort of looked at me weird when I told her about my game though , and said no one should try to play God . I 've heard that somewhere else , but I 'm not sure where . Gramma says a lot of good stuff though , one of my favorites is what she told me when I took a chocolate from the store and the man who works there caught me . Gramma brought me home and she said , " Ben , your life is like a book . You can always start a new chapter . " I think she said that because I was sort of crying . I like that idea a lot , because when things go wrong I can start a new chapter and forget about what just happened . I think about that now , and think maybe it 's time to start a new chapter . But I don 't want to waste them , and if I started a new chapter every time Dad left I think I might run out of them too soon . Books never have enough chapters . I keep thinking about books and chapters and why Dad is at Avery 's Place during the unhappy hours , and the entire time I keep playing God . It 's really hard playing God though , and I get tired . When I remember my plan about being asleep so they come back , I 'm happy about how tired I am and lay down on the hideaway and pretend it 's a big bear . I pretend it 's hugging me until I can 't remember thinking about anything anymore . When I wake up , someone is hitting the door and I tell the pizza boy he already gave us our pizza . Then I hear Gramma 's voice coming from outside . So I get up and unlock it for her , she 's not a stranger or the pizza boy . " B , " she says and picks me up . " B . " " Gramma . " She puts my head on her shoulder and she smells like laundry and soap and cigarettes , she smells like the kind of perfume that never smells sweet or like fruit . She smells like home . She puts me in the car and we drive to her house , where I have a really great bed , not a hideaway , even if it doesn 't seem like my bear or a Transformer . She puts me in it and tucks me in . I always untuck myself after she leaves , because the sheets feel too tight , but I always let her because her hands feel nice . It seems like I only have my eyes closed a few seconds before I hear Dad talking loudly . I can 't even sit up in bed before he comes into the room and grabs me . His hands always feel different at night , like they forgot who I was before they touched me . Suddenly we 're in his car and he 's yelling into his phone , the same things over and over again , like bitch , and not your responsibility , and if you ever do that again I 'll . He 's yelling so loud I can 't go back to sleep , so I watch while his headlights tag one side of the street before we slide a little and they touch the other side . Back and forth they keep going , and his old truck isn 't even as loud as he is . For a second I think we might be playing bumper cars , but I know that can 't be right . When we get home he 's stopped yelling . I watch the headlights creep up the side of Craig 's house like they 're ghosts . He says quietly to me that it 's time to go inside . I tell him I want to be in our old bed , that the hideaway feels like metal mouth trying to eat me . He says it 's too bad , we have to take what we can get . I remind him we can get better , we just drove away from better , and he grabs me again with his night hands and says , " We 're going in now to go to sleep , and we 're going to be grateful for any goddamn bed at all . " I know better than to argue with him when he has his night hands , so I say , " Okay , " and we go inside . When we lay down on the folded out hideaway all I can think about is fresh laundry and soap and cigarettes , and the kind of perfume that never smells sweet or like fruit . But it smells like old pizza and something sour here . This place never smells like home . I wanted to tell him he should never have gone to the unhappy hours . Or maybe I had gone to the unhappy hours , I 'm not sure . Posted in Uncategorized | " With my last two dollars , too , " I reminded him as we walked over to the winner 's circle . The first place horse was stepping around quickly , nostrils still flaring from the race . I kept an eye on the board to see how much I 'd won . Corey saw me looking . " You might get a hundred off that . The odds were eleven to one on Number Two . Maybe even one - fifty . " But when the numbers did come up , I 'd only won sixty - eight dollars . " Still , " Corey shook his head . " Off a two - dollar bet ? Can 't complain there . " " Dunno . " Corey shrugged . " Ask her . Probably . " When I had the beers we sat down . " You gonna see the lady tonight ? " Corey sipped his drink . " I am lucky . Lucky guy . Especially when it comes to horse races . " I leafed through the program . " Speaking of , how 're you liking Tex Mex on this one ? " " I don 't know why you don 't bring her out here . " Corey ignored my question . " We always have a good time out here . " " She works Saturdays , " I told him . " Listen , Tex Mex is my man on this one . " Karen sighed and excused herself to the restroom . Corey looked at her then back at me . " Late enough to be worried . And worried enough for me to be worried . " We sat for a few minutes drinking our beer . Karen came back from the restroom . " I 'm putting ten on Tex Mex to win . " I said as I got up and walked over to the cage . I glanced back and saw Corey talking into Karen 's ear . " Shit , " I muttered . The woman behind the till started and looked up at me . I couldn 't think of anything to say , so silently I took my ticket and went to sit back down . Karen looked anxious . " Has she taken a test ? Or seen a doctor ? It 's good she isn 't drinking . " " I 'm supposed to pick up a test for her on my way home tonight . " I finished my beer . " Let 's go outside . Race starts in three minutes . " The rest of the way out to the finish line Karen pecked me with questions while I lit a cigarette . Has this happened to Jane before , how late has she been and still been fine , did she forget to take her pill , to all of which I answered " I 'm not sure . " And I wasn 't . Jane and I rarely talked about that sort of thing . Finally the race started and Karen quieted down . " And that 's Freddy Jr . in the lead , " the announcer 's voice cracked through the outdoor speakers , " with Jameson in second and Tex Mex in third , coming in close … " He continued on , but I was paying closer attention to the board displaying the places . Tex Mex took second around the bend . I pulled my coat tighter around me , the wind biting through my clothing . " Freddy Jr . and Tex Mex vying for the lead , Jameson in third with Yours Truly behind … " The announcer kept talking but the horses were close enough to see now . Tex Mex and Freddy Jr . were too close to tell still , tied all the way until they were crossing the line in front of us . It could 've gone either way . " Wait for the photo finish . " I kept my eyes on the display . " And that 's Tex Mex in first , Freddy Jr . in second , Yours Truly in third , and Jameson in fourth , folks … " " You got it , " I said dragging my cigarette . " Be in once I finish this . " They nodded and walked back in . The sun was setting behind the stables , silhouetting the horses black against a pink and gold sky . A few clouds traced the horizon , bright as the sun illuminating them . I saw the outline of a man crouching next to a small shape on the ground near one of the stables . Then the shape slowly began to move and stood slowly and feebly on its thin , knobby legs . It was a foal . I didn 't know they kept baby horses at the track . It didn 't make any sense that it was there . It didn 't belong there . As I stood watching , it gained more confidence and began to walk around , livelier and livelier , almost dancing . I coughed on my cigarette and put it out . I looked at it for one last moment , then went inside . Corey looked at me strangely and asked me if I was okay when I went back in . I told him I 'd gotten some smoke in my eyes and then went to get the last round . I leaned on the bar , but it was sticky with spilled beer and smelled stale . I noticed that the floor was sticky as well , with little pieces of napkin or other garbage sticking to it . Everywhere men with bags under their eyes stood watching screens or drinking from plastic cups . I looked in the mirror behind the bar and saw the bags under my own eyes . When the bartender brought the beers I paid and walked back to our table . " Took you long enough . " Smiling , Corey grabbed two cups and handed one to Karen . Then he looked at me more seriously . " So what are you going to do ? " " You know , " Karen came in , " We don 't mind stopping by a store on our way home . You could pick up a test . When is she off work ? " " She 'd like that . " I sipped my drink . We exchanged goodbyes and they left . I walked over to the bar and took a seat near the end . When the bartender came over I told him I wanted a whiskey and asked him how late he was open . " No reason . That 's good . " I paid him and he began to walk away . " Hey one more thing - " I said . He turned around again . " I could 've sworn I saw a foal out there earlier . Do they bring foals out here ? " " Sometimes owners like to bring them out . Not sure why . I think it might be to get them used to the track from an early age . I dunno for sure though . " " They shouldn 't have babies here . This isn 't a place for young things . " I didn 't like the idea of something new to the world exposed to this . " If you say so , guy . " He turned and continued to the register . I sort of mumbled under my breath . " What 's that ? " He turned toward me again . Culpability Posted on January 4 , 2011 by greyhairjerry After he hit the deer he stopped and got out to look for damage . The left headlight was smashed , but even at night he knew the road well and could get home safely . He was about to get back in when the carcass made a small noise . When he walked over he found the animal was still alive . One of its eyes was completely red and blood was trickling down its head and from its mouth . Still , its flanks irregularly rose and fell , shuddering slightly . The animal couldn 't be far from dead . He stared into its good eye for a while and felt sure it was looking back . He 'd expected its eyes to be rolling around in death throes , but they had a strange calm . He wondered if the animal was in pain . The only sound it made was a quiet wheezing as it breathed . He didn 't know whether to kill the animal or simply let it die . How would he even kill it ? Snap its neck somehow ? Perhaps backing his truck over it again would be the quickest , but the thought of flattening its skull make him nauseous . He had a small pocketknife , he could possibly sever an artery . But then again , it might die on its own . He 'd already doomed the animal through accident , but didn 't want to actively finish the deed . Finally he just crouched next to the animal , patting its heaving sides . It was apparent that the animal was going to survive for quite some time yet , but he knew he wouldn 't have to wait long . It was one of the busier backroads , and he kept his eye on the curve leading to where they were , waiting . After a few more minutes he saw headlights approaching and walked back to his truck . When he was sure they wouldn 't turn off the road before they got to the animal , he started his engine and continued on his way home . Posted in Uncategorized | The Seeds Posted on December 3 , 2010 by greyhairjerry The mornings were cold and we could only see ten or fifteen yards through the fog . We 'd roll up our tents with our belongings inside them and stow them in the ten - man van , pile in and then drive to the new work site that day . Some days they gave us coffee , other days only a bagel . We could wait till lunch time , they said . When we arrived we were sent down different rows of trees , but every row was the same - Doug Fir after Doug Fir . We harvested thousands of pinecones each day . We 'd grab a few bags , a jar of Vaseline , rubber gloves , and a bucket with a hook on the handle , to hang it from branches . There were a couple of lifts in the crew , big mechanical ones you see repairing phone lines , and if you were lucky you worked one of those for the day . If not , you took a ladder - at twenty feet long , they were heavy and awkward , but we 'd lug them out a mile going up a row and then back again . We usually started our first trees around six thirty , the sun coming up over the hills and melting the sap , making the pinecones sticky little pods . The crew bosses called the guys from south of the border " The Amigos , " but really what they were calling them was the spics , and everyone knew it , especially the amigos . They all took it pretty well though , they seemed to just let it slide off them , not caring what they were called . I tried talking to the amigos in my broken Spanish and they were fairly receptive . I couldn 't stand talking to the good old white boys , all they ever talked about was tits and racecars . One day a few good old boys were operating a lift near Juan and I when it started to make some strange noises , then suddenly dropped like a paperweight toward the ground . I thought it was going to take Juan and his ladder out , but it passed within a breath of him . And Juan , he reaches out and grabs a guy with one arm , while holding onto a tree branch at the same time . His ladder swayed like a drunk , but he held on and I jumped down off mine and ran over to stPosted in Uncategorized | " ' Bobby , Bobby where are you going ? ' " finished Calvin in a shrill voice , mimicking a girl . Jack leaned against a wall , laughing so hard he needed support . Somewhere beneath the giggling , he sighed in relief at the night air . Maybe the best argument for bars is breathing in the stale stench of booze only to better appreciate being released from it . Kurt , on the other hand , was flagging down a taxi . When he landed one he ushered the other two into the backseat , handing them a couple ten - dollar bills and said , " If you two get us 86 'd out of one more bar , we 're not going out together anymore . Here 's enough to get you both home . " Their laughter became more controlled , less of a howl . " And Jack , " he continued , his face half pity and half longing , " Make sure he doesn 't spend it on booze . " Kurt shut the door , sighed , and began looking for a taxi of his own . Inside theirs , Jack and Calvin had finally calmed down from their fit of hysteria . " What is he , my effing father ? " asked Calvin . " Besides , you 're the one he should be worried about . " " So I 'm just gonna start driving , " said the driver . " Sorry ! " Jack almost yelled it . " I 'm in southwest , southwest . 24th and … 24th and … shit , where do I live Calvin helped him . " 24th and Taylor , you dumb piece of - " " 24th and Taylor ! That 's right . " Jack again nearly shouted at the driver , as if he 'd found some buried treasure . Dink - dink , dink - dink went the turning signal as they pulled out into traffic . Jack closed his eyes for a moment to the signal 's metronome , imagining music that could accompany it . The laughter had apparently sapped all the energy out of them . His head lulled to the side with his imaginary turning signal song and came to rest against the window . It was peaceful there - cool from the outside night air and the glass filtered the city 's sounds into a soft medley , an unintentional serenade . He opened his eyes just in time to see they were passing The Matador . " Stop ! " he yelled . " What 's the meter at ? " The driver swung over to the curb and answered , " Seven twenty - five . We 'll call it seven even . " " Seven even ! I like you , guy . " Jack fished one of the tens from Kurt out of his pocket and handed it to the driver . " We 're getting out here , " he said to Calvin , who was half asleep . " We 're at the Matador . Two - fifty for well drinks , we got a ten left . " Jack tugged at Calvin 's collar and Calvin slowly followed him out onto the sidewalk . Still pulling Calvin along behind him like a disobedient dog , Jack rammed his head into the doorframe of the bar . Immediately he let go of Calvin and held his head , hoping that the bartender hadn 't seen . They got inside , and because all the tables and booths were taken , they sat at the bar . There happened to be only two seats open there , as if the place had been waiting for them . " What 're you having ? " Jack asked Calvin , one hand still cradling his stinging head . " Bullshit you are . You can chase your vodka with water . " He ordered vodka for both of them , a water for Calvin , a Sprite and bitters for himself . The bartender served them and Calvin downed his glass of water in one go . " Good God , that feels good , " he said as he put the glass down and gestured at the bartender for a refill . " So , " he said , " here we are . " Jack was half glad and half disappointed to see he was sobering up . " Yeah , here we fucking are . " Jack wished the " we " was constituent of different company than Calvin . Not that he disliked Calvin , he just would rather be with her . Or maybe , he thought , I just don 't want to be me , being here . " I cannot , " he began , " I just cannot believe we 're both twenty five , have college degrees , and this is still what we do . " Calvin probably meant to sound sympathetic , but it didn 't come out right . " What did you expect ? I bet the guy who drove us here was an English major . If you don 't want to be a teacher , you 'll have to make do with being a bum . " " It 's not that I can 't teach , " replied Jack . " It 's just that I 'm afraid I 'll forget I ever wanted to be a writer if I do anything other than write . I can deal with being a bum . " " So , " started Calvin , who neither knew nor cared who that was , " Why don 't you just write ? Putting words on a page seems hardly difficult compared to what I do . Not that majoring in goddamn Art History was any smarter . " " Nothing we did was smart . " Jack paused . " Well , the course work was smart . We 're smart , sure . But our mistake was pursuing a degree purely for knowledge . We majored in what we love , instead of what we can use . There 's a huge difference . " He hiccuped and gagged on the smell of his own breath . " If we 'd been business majors we 'd be in the same amount of debt right now , but at least we 'd have jobs . " Calvin 's face clenched up slightly and he took a little longer than normal to blink . " Yeah . Let 's be honest , man . We 're fucked . We 're not good enough at what we do to make it a living , but we love it too much to do anything else . We . Are . Fucked . " Calvin shook his head . " Kurt was smart . Kurt made the distinction . He did what we should have done , put aside what he loved and pursued something useful . " He laughed and said , " Wouldn 't it be nice if what you loved and what was useful were the same thing ? " Jack perked up a little . " Writing is useful . It is . I 'm in it because I love it , but that doesn 't negate the fact that it 's useful . " " Well then , fucker , where 's your book ? " Calvin laughed as he asked the question . Jack ignored his derisive attitude . He thought for a while , then tried to give Calvin solemn look . " It 's not that simple . I think - not that I would really know - but I think the problem with writing , " he said in a slow voice , buying himself time to think , " is taking opposing thoughts and making them work together . " He sipped his drink for a second , eyes searching the shelves of bottles facing them . " Like I dunno , having a simple concept , for instance , should be paired with complexity of thought . " Jack had some difficulty enunciating . " Speaking to the point is important , but embellishing a point can be really beautiful too . I mean , the reader shouldn 't understand everything perfectly , right ? But confusing them will only make them angry . So , I guess what a writer has to do is make sense out of nonsense . Draw lines where - hic - where there were only dots . Take this huge and , and - and bizarre experience of life and dilute it down to something digestible . " Jack squinted and wrinkled his nose . " Kind of like a mama bird . " " Wh … wait , what ? " asked Calvin , incredulous . " I just mean - it 's like being a mama bird , right ? Taking things in , digesting them , then spitting them back out in a form that others can eat . " " Oh . " replied Calvin . " I guess that makes sense . Kinda . Ask me tomorrow , " he said laughing , " when I can think straight . " " I will . " Jack wrote the thought down on his napkin and handed it to Calvin . " Just not in person . With any luck , I won 't even remember coming here . " What he wanted to say but didn 't was , " You never think straight . Neither of us do . It 's too scary . " " Oh God , " said Calvin , looking at Jack 's note . " Even if I can think straight tomorrow I won 't be able to read this . " He laughed . " Your writing looks like a chicken scratching its feet around . " " Fuck off . " Jack laughed too , but wasn 't sure why . " So , " Jack began , trying to pick up the threads of their original conversation , " If we 're educated , jobless , and yeah , kind of hopeless , what are we ? " " What kind of mind - fuck are you trying to pull on me ? " Calvin 's question was smiled . He played with the napkin note , sighed . " At best , we 're just people . At worst , we 're monsters . " Jack looked down into his glass . He was suspicious of their conversation sliding into some kind of amateur existentialism . It wouldn 't be surprising . Countless times near the ends of their nights out , Calvin swung wildly from intoxicated and joyful to just plain drunk , depressed , and confused . Sighing , Jack waited for Calvin to speak up , looking at the bartender 's hair as it followed her around in a billowing , wavy brown cloud as she leaned over here , bent there , whisked away drinks and spun back and forth from the wall of bottles to the line of red - eyed men . " I just - " Calvin started up suddenly , choking a bit . " I just don 't know what I 'm doing . Do you ? " Jack could only shrug in response . " I mean , hell , what is life ? " " What is life ? " Jack wanted to hit him . " What is life ? What kind of dumbass question is that ? Life is easy to define . Life is having a beating heart supplied by oxygen that you breathe . Find someone who can tell me what life is about , that 's the real goddamn question . " " You know what I meant . " Calvin seemed hurt . They were quiet for a moment . Jack thought for a while about Calvin 's question before he shook his head and went on . " That 's what always got me about those religious bastards . They 're lazy . They take the easy way out , believing thousand year old farces that make them feel like they 're finally meant for something . But listen - " Jack turned sideways in his stool to look at Calvin head - on . " Fucking listen - the true fighters , the true champions , they work toward meaning on their own , without any cop - out bullshit like God or salvation to keep them going . I mean , is it so terrible to think that life has no intrinsic meaning ? That like anything else , it 's worth as much the price you put on it ? " Jack lost his steam and decided it was time to drink the vodka that Kurt had inadvertently paid for . Calvin wasn 't sure what to say . " You make it sound like life is an item to be sold , " Calvin asked . Jack was coughing and squinting due to the drink he 'd just taken , and pounded on the bar with a fist at the same time . " NO . " he bellowed through coughs . " No . You don 't know what I mean . Put this in concepts you can understand , it 's like a painting . How much is a painting worth ? " " No it goddamn doesn 't . " Jack was frustrated . " It depends on the price tag . A painting is worth as much as the artist says it 's worth . If life is a painting , then how much a life means is what 's on the price tag . " " Last call ! " the bartender yelled . Jack scanned around and recognized several faces , couldn 't recall any names . Nobody else was ordering last minute rounds , and he felt awkward about getting another drink himself . He avoided looking at Calvin . " Look - " Calvin started , paused , and tried hard to continue , " I don 't mean to bag on what you 're saying . You make good points . It 's just that whatever you talk about , it 's always a safe distance from anything actually personal . I don 't think you 've actually spoken to me directly once tonight . " Calvin looked at Jack , who didn 't seem to understand . " You avoid personal things to avoid her . " " It 's been a long time , man , " Calvin said quietly . " You could have asked her to stay , and you know that . But you need to stop avoiding everything sooner or later . " " Oh . " Jack immediately knew where this was going and automatically cringed internally as Calvin went on . He suddenly had no qualms about getting a last call round . He caught one of the eyes hidden under the wavy brown cloud of hair and pointed at his empty glass . Calvin began , " Jack , listen , it 's just that ever since … well , shit , you know , you 've been a bit unreachable . It 's been kinda like , I dunno , watching you on a screen or something . You know ? Like I can hear you saying words , but you 're not actually in front of me . " Now the wavy brown cloud was setting down a glass in front of Jack . He downed it and tossed the remaining ten from Kurt on the bar . Calvin was looking at him like a bomb squad disarmer might look as if he 'd just cut the wrong wire . Jack saw his expression out the corner of his eye . " It has been a long time . Thanks for the night , guy . " Jack patted him on the back and walked out into the night , closing his eyes as he passed the threshold . The night had cooled even more and Jack 's muscles contracted against the new cold . The air felt sharp and clean in his nostrils . He dug a beanie out of his pocket , pulled it roughly on his head , and began walking in the opposite direction of his house , going uphill . He heard Calvin shouting his name from outside the bar . He stopped and hesitated for a second , tilting back his head and looking at the sky . He turned around . Calvin was jogging up the sidewalk toward him . When he reached Jack , he had to catch his breath before saying anything . " Jack , I didn 't mean to strike a nerve . We just miss you , man . Not that we don 't see you , because we do , but we miss you . We all miss you . " Jack chewed the inside of his cheek before answering . " I miss you too . I miss everyone . But I don 't know what to tell you all the same . If I knew how to let go , I would 've by now . " Jack 's throat constricted . Calvin looked at him suspiciously . Boulder Park wasn 't easy to get to on foot , but Jack made the walk often so he could watch the sun come up over the city . For over an hour he walked , cold eating in through the toes of his shoes , his breath becoming more and more visible whenever he passed under a streetlamp . He stared at the pavement directly in front of him as he walked , feet not needing guidance . As he got close he kept an eye out for cops since the park wasn 't actually open yet . Entering it , he glanced around a few more times and jumped up into the lowest limbs of an oak tree . Upward he pulled himself , grabbing damp , mossy branches , leaves slapping his face , feet sliding a little in their holds . Finally he reached his branch , the best one for sitting in , with a wide diameter and slanting slightly downward into the trunk . He wrapped his legs around it and waited . Calvin was right . It was a long time ago . She was a long time ago , but she seemed to be everywhere still . Anything could set him off - a familiar hand movement of a cashier , the brown hair of a bartender , rectangular glasses . And her smile , her smile invariably came to mind . Good God , her smile . He grinned himself , thinking about it . She smiled in halves , like the corner of her mouth was hugging her dimple , like she had to tighten her face to stop the light in her head from escaping . He could still remember those afternoons , in the basement of the old house on a mattress with no box spring . The summer air would bring in the smell of bread and it felt like the house was breathing . It was always hot and the sheets were usually crumpled around their feet . He 'd let his head hang over the side of the bed to feel the stony cold of the floor . Sometimes piano music drifted in from down the street and he remembered thinking what a clear resonance his life had in those small instances . Finally the sun came up , breaking over the hills in pale golden shafts of light , and as the rays began hitting him , he could feel his body warming , drying . When the shafts reached the small morning clouds it was as though the sun was giving birth to smaller , fluffier babies of the same brilliance . The downtown buildings were similarly reflected off of , becoming pillars of light . Everywhere where there had only been foggy darkness was now an entire city seemingly supported by the morning glow . Jesus , Jack thought , this is the best sunrise yet . But something was wrong . He began sliding back down the tree , gaining momentum , only barely holding onto branches as he dropped past them and hit the ground running . He didn 't stop there ; he ran hard and fast , ready . The city was empty , the streets were all his , and not the pain in his chest or the ache in his heels or the wind slapping his face slowed him down until he was home . Up he went three flights and into his apartment , immediately looking for the piece of paper . It was on his desk . In uneven lettering that didn 't look unlike a chicken scratching its feet around , the lone line at the top of the page read : He started looking for a pen , rifling through the disarray of papers and books and dirty bowls that were covering his desk . " Jesus Harold Christ , " he said out loud , " I gotta start cleaning up . " At last he saw a pen inappropriately housed in a coffee mug . Grabbing it and the piece of paper , he sat down . He began to continue the letter , but after a few lines he crumpled it up and threw it next to him . He found another blank page and leaned back in his chair for a second . Thinking , he stared out the window and saw the same sunrise illuminating everything more and more . He began again . Have you ever had a moment so beautiful it was all you could not to think about the one you love most ? And then you realized they 're not there , and it somehow made the moment perverse ? I have , and it 's really terrible . I think it 's time to let go , and let things start to be okay again . So , I 'm sorry , but this is going to be my last letter to you . |
September 30 , 2016October 2 , 2016 · 2 Comments · I 'm reading a book from Richard Branson the founder of Virgin Group . You know , the record label , the airline , the mobile network , the trains , and the first company that will take tourists to space . The book is about his approach to life and business , and to say that he 's been living an extraordinary life would be an understatement . The guy is crazy - in a good sense , and reading his stories , I realized I share certain character traits with him . ( Let 's hope this means that I 'll become a billionaire , too . ) He got friendly with the principal 's daughter and spent the night with her . When he was returning to his room at dawn , the door was closed , so he had to climb through his window to get in . He got caught and had to report to the principal , who asked him why he was climbing through the window . So he told him as it was , that he was coming back from his daughter 's room . He got expelled straight away . Fearing that his parents would be upset with him , he quickly jotted down a fake suicide note , gave it to the most gossipy person of the school and told him not to open it until a day later . His plan panned out exactly the way he wanted , and of course , when his parents arrived to pick him up , instead of reprimanding him , they were exceptionally nice to him . This caused me trouble as I had a curfew and if I missed the bus , I was definitely not going to make it home on time and my mother would be utterly upset about it and would lecture me for days . I was late already on three occasions that week , and guess what , I missed my bus for the fourth time . I felt really bad . Not so much for my mom , who I knew would be worried about me , but for myself , knowing that she 'd be angry with me and I had to face her . I didn 't think I could take another fight , so I decided that dishonesty was the way to go . I figured that if I pretended to be sick , my mom wouldn 't start an argument . But I " had to be " really sick . So sick that she wouldn 't call an ambulance , but so sick that her motherly caring feelings would overtake her motherly nagging feelings . It couldn 't be a simple " Oh , mommy , my belly hurts . " sort of thing , it had to be something more grandiose . And it had to be believable . So , I got on the bus , collapsed onto a seat , and curled up in fetal position . I closed my eyes halfway and tried to make a miserable face . I was trying to go for the effect when someone is in excruciating pain and suffering in silence . I must have been authentic as people around me started staring . ( It 's strange how they always look but never say anything . ) As my stop was approaching , I gathered all my energy ( at least , that 's what it must have looked like from the outside ) and pushed myself up from my seat . I shuffled across to a guy sitting by the window and told him that I wasn 't feeling well and I didn 't think I could make it home without help . He stared at me like I was from another planet , but I didn 't let him off the hook . I asked him whether he could get off the bus with me and walk me home . I could tell from his facial expression that he was cursing the moment he opted for the bus instead of a cab , but I kept insisting and grimaced as if I was in a lot of pain , so he surrendered in the end . ( I was a fourteen - year - old harmless girl after all . ) I made him walk me to the door of our apartment . We lived on the eighth floor . And I made sure that he stayed with me until my mother came out . I needed a stranger 's reassurance for her that I was being unwell . The guy squirmed , and I almost felt sorry for him but I couldn 't ruin the stunt by showing empathy for him . Not when I was so close to succeeding . Mom grabbed my arm , nodded a thank you to the guy , and took me into the living room . I kept my eyes halfway closed and by then , I mastered the facial expression , so my poor mother had no idea what to do with me . Fully clothed , she helped me on top of the bed where I placed myself in the fetal position again ( thinking that it suggested vulnerability ) and started to breathe heavily . I also shivered a little , just to make sure . My mom said I was pale as a ghost . ( I don 't know how that happened , but I didn 't argue . ) And then she asked me whether I was on drugs . Boom ! I was devastated that she would even consider something like that . I 'd always been a good girl . No drinking , no smoking , no drugs . " WTF , mother ? " I told her that , of course , I didn 't take any drugs , but she kept saying the whole night , " You know you can tell me everything , don 't you ? Even if you took drugs … " I almost broke and told her the truth . But then I didn 't . I just went to sleep and woke up healthy next morning . Sixteen years later , I took Mom out for dinner and confessed . I told her the whole story and said that I owed her an apology . She didn 't believe me . She knows me and she knows that I never touched any drugs in my entire life , but she still thinks that on that particular night , I slipped and I 'm too ashamed to admit it . September 27 , 2016October 29 , 2016 · 1 Comment · It was the summer of 2006 . Low - cost airlines in Europe have just become known in wider circles , so you could still get dirt - cheap tickets . My boyfriend , Greg and I decided to go on a spontaneous trip - eight destinations in four weeks for about three hundred dollars . Not a bad deal , huh ? We were to fly from Porto to Madrid , except we missed our plane . Not only were we penniless students , but this also happened right after I 'd been robbed in Barcelona - our first destination on the trip . We couldn 't afford an extra flight ticket , nor could we have paid for a hostel room , so we stayed at the airport . For four nights . We searched for an abandoned spot , laid out our sleeping bags on the floor , and so our " semi - homeless " life began . I must say the place was perfect . Clean , in a far corner that not many could see , and in close proximity to restrooms . No one bothered us , and the only thing that caused some inconvenience , at first , was hygiene . However , by day 4 , I felt no shame in locking myself in the disabled toilet , getting naked , and washing myself like I had been doing this my entire life . When we finally continued our journey , I almost started to miss our airport home . Instead of flying , we decided to take a bus that was supposed to take us to a small town by the Spanish border , and we thought we would hitchhike from there . When we bought our tickets , we were asked us if we wanted to get off at the last stop or the one before . Not sure why , but there was a big difference in price , so logically , we went for the cheaper option . The crew was pretty laid - back , and nobody cared what was going on , which led us both to the same idea . As we were approaching our stop , Greg and I shared a terrified look , and instead of gathering our stuff , we remained seated . We didn 't say a word , but we both knew that we had been toying with the same idea . The bus pulled into the stop , a couple of passengers got off , and two minutes later , we hit the road again . We grinned at each other filled with pride but felt a little guilty . Cheating wasn 't our style . ( Well , not before . ) Our logic suggested that the town at the end destination would be bigger than the one we bought our ticket for , and so it 'd be easier to find a cheap bus to Madrid or hitchhike . Huge mistake . We ended up in a village with no proper infrastructure and no English - speaking souls . There was ONE sixteen - year - old girl , who could understand some English , and she translated everything for the whole community . Because of course , everyone got curious when they heard about the two crazy foreigners without any money and Portuguese language skills , who wanted to hitchhike to Spain . And what was their reaction ? They simply laughed in our face . They shook their head in disbelief and kept repeating that nobody would ever pick us up . Since the next bus to Madrid was going to leave in two days only , we didn 't have much of a choice but give it a shot anyway , hoping that someone would eventually pity us . To increase the odds , Greg and I split and stood at different intersections . Sadly , the village people seemed to have been right : all we got was a lot of honking , smiles , and raised thumbs . Some drivers pulled over just to tell us how crazy we were and have a giggle , then wished us good luck and drove away . As time went by , our initial enthusiasm had waned a little , but we didn 't give up . The clock almost struck 11 pm , and I started to get grouchy when I saw Greg running towards me . " Come on , a Spanish guy takes us , " he said , grinning . When we jumped into his car , he didn 't even bother to say hi to me or even look at me , but he was all over Greg , so I thought he was gay . I didn 't speak Spanish or any other Roman languages , whereas Greg was fluent in Italian , so everything was in his hands . He sat in the front seat , I stayed in the back . Half an hour in , and the guy started yawning and said he needed a coffee , so we stopped at a restaurant . We walked in , and without saying a word , he grabbed my shoulders , pulled me to his chest , and squeezed me like we were best friends that hadn 't seen each other for a long time . I was a little shocked but not as much as when he , a second later , kissed me on both cheeks - leaving a trickle of saliva on my face - and cheerfully screamed into my ear how lovely it was meeting me . Awkward . It was past midnight and pitch black outside when we finally got back into the car . We were driving on a highway in the middle of nowhere , and I didn 't have the slightest idea how far we could be from Madrid or even the Spanish border . Out of the blue , a police car appeared and signaled us to pull over . Two cops walked over to us ; they wanted the guy and Greg out of the car and instructed me to stay inside . Strange . They talked so loud , it almost sounded like screaming , but I didn 't understand a word . They were patting them down , looking for drugs . WTF ? ( Before you asked , we didn 't have any . ) One of the police officers was speaking to Greg , glancing at me from time to time . Even though I didn 't speak the language , I could sense that he was worried . A few minutes later , they let us go , and we disappeared into the night again . Greg told me later that the cops said to him we were idiots to have gotten into a stranger 's car . Not a good sign . I accidentally looked into the front mirror and , to my surprise , I found myself gazing in the eyes of our driver . I turned away and started to wonder whether this meant that he was watching me instead of the traffic . Then I remembered one of my teachers in 6th grade mentioning in Physics class , " If you can see someone in a mirror , that person can see you too . " This memory and the recognition made me uneasy . A moment later , I felt hands on my legs . Hands that seemed to be searching for something . There was a water bottle lying next to me on the floor , so I thought he was thirsty and handed him the bottle . He took a swig and placed the flask back , " accidentally " bumping into my legs with his hands . Five minutes later , the same scenario happened ; except that this time , he was staring at me in the mirror while " looking for the water . " I was still in naïve mode ( not even a little bit suspicious ! ) and gave him the bottle again . He drank . For the third time , he didn 't even try to pretend , he simply grabbed my legs and started stroking them . The penny had finally dropped . I froze for a moment , but then my brain finally decided to cooperate - I pushed his hand away . He didn 't give up that easily , though . He touched me again , which I rewarded with a hard kick into his hand and giving him the meanest look ever in the mirror . At this point , I switched to a " semi - panic " mode . I didn 't know what to do . It was 1 am ; we were still on a highway in the middle of nowhere , and the guy was twice as big as Greg . My brain was working hard , " Should I tell Greg what 's happening ? And then ? What could he do ? What could we do here in the middle of nowhere ? " So I decided to keep it together and deal with the situation by myself and tried to be as firm as possible . In the meantime , the weirdo kept talking to Greg , and I could figure out that he was trying to convince him that we spent the night at his place . I leaned forward to whisper into Greg 's ear that under no circumstances I was willing to stay in the dude 's house . Luckily , he wasn 't going to consider that option either . I spent the rest of the ride chanting a mantra : " Please drop us off at the train station , please drop us off at the train station . " It worked . The guy lived in Avila , which is about fifty miles away from Madrid , and around 3 am , he finally pulled over at the local train station to drop us off . He made a last attempt to persuade us to stay with him , pointing out that the train station wouldn 't be open until 5 am , which was true , but we insisted that we would be fine , so he finally left us alone . The moment his car lights disappeared in the darkness , my shaking body collapsed into Greg 's arms , and I told him everything that had happened . He had no idea . He hugged me tight until I calmed down . September 23 , 2016September 23 , 2016 · 2 Comments · An awful , awful thing . I hate it . You can 't get used to it , and it never gets easier . Saying goodbye . The word in itself doesn 't make any sense ; how can a " bye " be good ? Especially in situations when you are almost certain that you won 't see each other ever again . It 's strange how sorrow can manifest in physical pain . Every time I have to say goodbye to someone , it feels as if a small piece of my heart would crumble and dissolve in my blood stream , carrying the bitter memory of all the goodbyes of past years . When I close my eyes and concentrate on the inside , I can still feel it in my body . I think the tears are there to make sure that the heart doesn 't break into two halves , but even so , a part of me dies every time I have to say goodbye . And why is it that a third party always appears at the worst time and interrupts the most emotional and intimate moment ? And all of a sudden , you start feeling awkward , so that last kiss , that last hug , that last stroke on the arm never happens . There 's just a smile and a look . A smile , into which you try to put all the unraised questions , ungiven advice , untold stories ; all the joyful moments you want to remember ; all the lies you want to tell about seeing each other again ; and all the pain you feel by leaving someone behind or having to let someone go . A smile that is powerless and a little forced but , at the same time , real and makes the other person smile back the same way . And that picture burns into your heart forever . And when you miss someone , you dig out that faded picture from the deepness of your heart , and the smile becomes sharper and sharper - the one in front of your eyes and the one on your face . September 20 , 2016October 23 , 2016 · 1 Comment · Have you ever had the experience that you weren 't quite sure what was wrong but felt that something was " off " and you were not being yourself ? It 's been a while since I was myself . I 've felt somehow disconnected lately . Disconnected with my inner self . I headed to a nearby park and found a lonely bench by a pond , looking over the meadow . Pure perfection . I was sitting there for hours , staring into the distance , doing nothing , just listening to my inner voice , and letting my thoughts chase each other in my head . I felt happy . I always thought of happiness as a momentary thing . You can have an infinite number of moments and they can follow one another rapidly , but they will always last only for a short period of time . Like an impulse or flash . Today I 've found something I didn 't have for a long time . My inner peace . The harmony inside of me , and for that , I 'm grateful . And I know that everything will fall into place in the end . It always does . It just takes longer sometimes . And to realize this , all I needed was a bit of sunshine , a light breeze carrying the scent of flowering trees , chirping birds , a lonely bench , and a cup of tea . Or let 's just call it spring . When not only does nature revive , but also believed to be dead souls do . September 20 , 2016September 20 , 2016 · 7 Comments · When I started traveling by myself as a young girl , my parents used to freak out and I would always tell them that they shouldn 't be worried as I was cautious and taking care of myself . And this is how it was . I always made sure I stayed out of trouble , and I thought I was clever enough to make the right decisions to keep myself safe during my travels . And I was always proud that I never had a problem to stand up for myself and get out of situations I felt uncomfortable with . I also believed that I could never be so dippy as some of those solo travelers you hear about that get into strangers ' cars and disappear without a trace . Well … I 'm sure that - at least once in your lifetime - you found yourself in a situation you didn 't mean to end up in and kept mumbling , " I will never do this again , just please , get me out of this without any harm … " Situations where your mind betrayed you and your time - tested tactics failed . I 've made my own experience , too , and I was so embarrassed by my own stupidity that until this very day , there 's only one person I shared this story with . I never told this to my parents as they would have been worried sick every time I had gone on another trip and I didn 't want them to know how I failed to use my brain I was so proud of having . I haven 't told my friends either because I felt ashamed and even today , just talking about this makes me cringe . I was backpacking through Australia and trying to find the cheapest possible way to head down from Cairns to Sydney . I also wanted my trip to be " hip " and a once - in - a - lifetime experience , so I didn 't even consider taking the Greyhound bus or any other hop - on - hop - off versions of it . My driver 's license was almost brand new , so renting a car sounded adventurous enough , but after doing the math , I had to face the sad truth of being absolutely broke . So I figured I would share the ride with a few other penniless people . I did what all young travelers would have done at that time : I went on Gumtree ( the Australian Craigslist ) and scanned the ads for a rideshare . Within a few minutes , I found the perfect match : two twenty - something Aussie guys were heading down to Melbourne in their own SUV and were looking for one more person to join in . I emailed them straight away and got a response shortly after . We agreed to meet in a nearby cafe to see if we would get along and to discuss details . I arrived at the cafe and as I looked around , my eyes met an older guy 's , who had the brightest smile on his face . I smiled back but kept searching for the two dudes when I heard somebody calling my name from the direction where the old guy was sitting . I turned my head back and saw him rising from his seat and making a step towards me with an even broader smile on . " It 's Pete , " he held out his hand to me , " the guy with the SUV , " and when I still looked at him perplexed , " heading down the coast … we emailed yesterday , " he added . I shook his hand and I almost heard my brain ticking , trying to understand what happened there . This should have been the moment where my gut feeling should have told me to leave . Except it didn 't . Until today , I fail to understand why , but I sat down with him to have a tea . It might have been his warm smile or his soothing voice , I don 't know . He just seemed so friendly . And harmless . But that didn 't stop me from asking the obvious : " So , Pete , what was this story about two twenty - six - year - old guys looking for a third person to share the fuel cost with ? " He cast his eyes down and , I swear , he even blushed a little . " I 'm sorry I lied , but I was desperate . I 'm fifty - two . No one wants to travel with an old guy like me , and I really could use some company . It 's a long drive , you know . " Melbourne was almost two thousand miles away , I couldn 't deny that , and all of a sudden , I felt sympathetic . Silly Sandra . We chatted for a good hour and he was keen on giving me tips . He grew up in Cairns , so he knew the place and the surrounding area in and out . When I shared my travel plans with him and mentioned that I wanted to go on an organized tour in a rainforest , his face lit up with excitement and he told me about a trip he had just done in one of the jungles " right out of town . " I must admit , I enjoyed his stories and appreciated the insider tips he shared with me . So , even though I decided not to join him on the road to Melbourne , he was so kind and enthusiastic that I let him talk me into a mini - trip around Cairns . He offered to drive me around and show me a few " hidden gems in the neighborhood . " Ding ding ding ! ! ! Where were the alarm bells ? And why did they all decide to go mute ? The first bit of our trip was fine . He would tell me more travel stories and we would make short stops to take photos of nice - looking places . Then we arrived at a rainforest . By then , we were at least sixty miles away from Cairns and I hadn 't seen a single soul for the last hour . It was still daylight , though , so I didn 't hesitate too long when he suggested that we should take a walk in the woods . The forest was beautiful . Lush and peaceful , and it smelled like rain - soaked earth and eucalyptus . He had his camera on him and offered to take pictures of me , which I gladly agreed to as my dad always complains that I 'm never in the photos I share with him . All this would have been fine , hadn 't he started to behave in a way that made me uncomfortable . He took an awful lot of pictures of me , which was already pushing me out of my comfort zone , but then he started instructing me how I should look into the camera and tilt my head , where I should place my hand on my hips or that I should lick my lips a little and look sexy . And he made comments on how beautiful I was and how naturally I came across , which wasn 't even true . I never felt more uncomfortable . I got out of the situation by saying that I hated being in pictures and I 'd prefer to see some more places , so he agreed to head back to the car . The turning point came when we hit the road again . I can 't really explain what happened or how my inner alarm finally went off , I just knew I had to get away from him . From one moment to another , the light in his eyes changed . His harmless and friendly look had something terrifying and mad in it , and I just felt that something bad would happen if I stayed with him . I started panicking , but luckily , my brain kicked in and kept me focused . I was weighing the different scenarios in my head while he was chatting away and kept staring at me with his crazy eyes . I knew that it depended on my behavior whether I could get out of there with no harm . I figured that I could be straightforward with him and say that I didn 't feel comfortable and wanted to go home , and I could firmly ask him to drive me back . But I wasn 't sure whether the change of tone wouldn 't trigger something in him , so I gave up on that idea . What I did know was that I couldn 't show him my fear . I felt that revealing my helplessness would turn him into a monster and taking advantage of my weakness , he 'd " just " rape me or straight away cut my throat and leave me bleeding out on the side of the road . With those thoughts in mind , I was shaking inside , but I pushed myself to play it cool . I was maintaining the facade and carried on with our conversation in a light - hearted manner . I glanced at my watch and casually suggested that we get back as I had a meeting with a friend in town and didn 't want to keep him waiting . He asked me details about the meeting and the person , and I lied to him like I was reading it from a book . He said he wanted to show me one more spot before we drove home because it was especially stunning at sunset . A few minutes later , he pulled over at a sandy beach - of course , no people around . I desperately needed to pee , so he said he would wait for me on the beach until I " did my thing " behind a tree . He was in a proper distance when I squatted , but my heart almost jumped out of my chest when I looked up after zipping up my pants and he stood right next to me and asked whether everything went all right . My discomfort and the level of my anxiety had increased with every minute I spent with him , but I kept repeating to myself that that was the only way out . As we were walking down to the beach , he reminded me that he was a certified reflexologist and could give amazing foot massages . I pretended that I didn 't hear that by enthusiastically discovering a beautiful shell in the sand , picking it up , and shoving it into his face . " Look how beautiful this is , " I chirped . He smiled and in the next second , he kicked his shoes off and buried his feet in the sand . " Come on , feel this . Isn 't this amazing ? It 's very good for you ; it 's like a natural scrub . " And he didn 't leave me alone until I , too , removed my shoes and socks to walk barefoot on the sandy beach . A lonely bench stood there facing the ocean . He sat down with the bench in between his legs and motioned me to join him . Somehow I felt more comfortable pulling my knees close to my chest , which turned out to be a wrong decision . A moment later , he grabbed my feet ( both of them at the same time ) , pulled my legs into his lap , and started massaging my feet . My instant response would have been a hard kick , but I just pulled away and said that I didn 't feel comfortable when people touched my feet . " Oh , come on , you know this is my profession , " he argued and took my feet in his hand again . I didn 't want to upset him , so I reluctantly gave in . I recall saying to myself , " It 's OK , Sandra , it 's only a massage ; there 's nothing wrong with that , don 't be so paranoid . " A shiver goes down my spine even now as I think about it . He looked happier and happier as he was massaging my feet and asked me to take a picture of him . With my feet in his hands . Hoping that I could make this horror end , I grabbed the camera . I thought it couldn 't get worse , but when the camera clicked after the shot , he pulled my feet to his face and pressed them against his cheeks , rubbing them on his skin . He was grinning like a baby after a poop . I felt disgusted and frightened . I wanted to cry . And I don 't know how I managed to keep it together , but I said to him that I really needed to go see my friend , so we should get back to the car . He promised we would leave a minute later , but he wanted one last picture . And that , of course , with my feet on his cheeks . Ew ! I let him put my feet to his flabby cheeks again . And I photographed it . I felt sick . The moment I pressed the button on the camera and gave a relieved sigh , thinking that we were done with that horrible scenario , he strengthened his grip on my feet ( still on his cheeks ) and forced BOTH of my big toes into his mouth . Unable to speak properly as his tongue was blocked by my TWO toes , he mumbled commandingly , " Take a picture , " and that scary look in his eyes raised to a new level . I can 't describe what I felt . It was fear and sheer shock but also embarrassment , shame , disgust , and anger . I was so angry with myself for being so stupid and couldn 't stop repeating in my head , " Let me just , please , get out of this ; let me just , please , get out of this . " He drove me back to town . He said he would burn the pictures on a CD and gave them to me . As I was getting out of the car , my legs were shaking so much that , for a second , I thought I would collapse right in front of him . But I didn 't . I waited there until his car disappeared around the corner . I sat down on the curb of the sidewalk and started to cry . Was it relief ? Sure . But it was more gratitude . I felt gratefulness that " nothing " happened to me in the end . I knew it was only a matter of luck that I was sitting there safe after a day that could have ended much worse . An important lesson in my life . I couldn 't believe how unwary and brainless I was , and I promised myself that I would NEVER do such a stupid thing again . Because seeing the good in people and trust them is great , but we need to be careful . We need to think . But most importantly , we should NEVER ignore our instincts . They can save our life . September 20 , 2016October 23 , 2016 · 4 Comments · Have you ever told anyone , " I hope you won 't regret that ? " Do you ever regret decisions you made or things you said ? If you 're like me or other millions of people on Earth , you 'd claim that you don 't regret any of your past actions because you believe that if something is meant to be , it will work out regardless of what decisions you make . We like to say that . But it 's bullshit . We only say that because it 's easier to think this way than to admit that we screwed up something and wish we had done it differently . But we can 't turn back the wheel of time . So we lie . Mainly to ourselves . We can 't go back to choose the other option , to seize an opportunity , to take the harder path , to opt for the scary instead of the secure , to recreate a situation , to relive a moment , or to remake a decision . For most things in life , we don 't get a second chance . We like to tell ourselves that we do , but even if we happen to be in the same life situation again and the same opportunity arises , everything will be different by then . We change . We will be at a different stage in our life and have different needs , and so our actions will have different consequences , too . Don 't waste your life with thinking too much about whether you should do something or not . Just do it . Just try . Even if it seems impossible and even if everyone around you thinks you 've lost your mind . It 's you , whom you have to please , nobody else . Don 't be the burden of your own happiness . It 's better to try and fail than not try at all . Because if you don 't try , you 're not going to lose , but you can 't win either . But if you try , you might hit the jackpot . All it takes is to believe in yourself . Because if YOU think you can do it , you CAN . No matter what everybody else says . " Life is a journey " is another overused phrase , but that 's for a reason . It 's a journey where every stop gives you something and enhances your life in some way . Even when it 's painful and even when you don 't see the point . Making a stop somewhere takes time , and occasionally , you 'll need to stay longer at a destination than you feel like it . Still … always take the local train , not the express . Because if you go too fast , you might miss important stops . Some barely known places that might not seem to matter at the time but could pave the way to your biggest dreams . September 20 , 2016September 28 , 2016 · 4 Comments · I know there is always a first time for everything , I just wish someone would teach me how to overcome the nervousness that comes with it . I 'm about to do the scariest thing I 've done in my thirty - three years of existence on this planet . Bearing in mind that I once encountered a shark ; flew a Piper Tomahawk ( the longest thirty - eight seconds of my life ) ; performed CPR on two occasions ; had my tonsils removed without anesthesia when I was a kid ; watched someone take his last breath ; hitchhiked and was picked up by a weirdo , who was touching my legs in the car ; and I look in the mirror every day . OK , I do love my face , I just tend to tell jokes no one else laughs at . I sacrificed painful years trying to stick to the " norm " and follow a regular path , but I constantly failed . I could never stay longer than a few months in a job ( the record being a hundred and ninety - eight days ) because I always felt trapped and I suffered . I felt I was wasting my life and that thought made me frustrated and even anxious at times . My patience and the number of days I was able to push myself to stay in a workplace got shorter and shorter and when I quit a decently paid , said - to - be prestigious job in London after only six days because it drove me crazy , I knew it was time to pull my shit together and do something with my life . I was always jealous of people that knew as a child what they were destined to do and were working towards their dreams their entire life . I wasn 't that lucky . Even though I used to spend all my pocket money on new , shiny pens ( some of them were even scented ) and notepads of different sizes and colors and would write down everything that came to my mind , I didn 't realize until my late twenties that writing it was that I wanted to do . So when the enlightenment finally came , I started scribbling down my thoughts in a more structured way and labeled them as stories . I was making notes all the time , on everything I could get my hands on . My scratchpad I carried in my bag , my phone if I didn 't have a pen on me , my laptop if I got inspired while working on something else , napkins in cafe shops , the back of a piece of paper torn off a poster , my palm , my arm , the back of receipts , plastic bags , the blank spaces on the pages of magazines , and even the leaf of a tulip once . Stories were born after another , but I never showed them to anyone . I was terrified . I am terrified . But I always remember Robert De Niro 's words from " A Bronx Tale : " " The saddest thing in life is wasted talent . " This thought stuck with me ever since I saw that movie , and I might not have talent at all , but it would definitely be a waste not to try to figure out whether I did . Also , I 've recently had the privilege to meet Bill Bryson , who told me that the terrifying feeling would never go away , so " I 'd better man up and start sharing my work . " ( " Work . " That 's what he called my scribbles and if mental orgasm exists , I 'm sure I had one . ) So , here we go . My hands are shaking , my lips are dry , and I see black spots in front of my eyes even after I squeezed them shut real hard three times . I might faint in a minute , but I wanted to let you know that , as of today , I stop being scared . And I 'll go all the way . From now on , I won 't only write for my own entertainment but also for YOUR pleasure ( or suffer ) . And if I 'm lucky , you might even like my stories . |
6 Comments » I showed up early in the greeter 's room this past Sunday to have a cup of coffee and visit with my fellow greeters before the ball starts rolling . I poured a hot cup of coffee and sat down with one of my friends at a table . He was telling me about a vacation he had booked for his family this summer that he was excited about . He had gotten it at half price , so he had scored . I noticed that many of the chairs were lined up in the front of the room , Bill must be doing an orientation for new greeters this morning , they had asked for new volunteers last week . New faces I hadn 't seen before began to filter in and mingle , before finding their way to the front of the room , and being seated for the orientation . It seemed like there were a lot of people who had signed up , which is great , we are always short of people for the greeter corps . Just then , a face I clearly recognized came in the door , a face I would never forget , and a face I had prayed I would never see again . A face named Scott . Scott was a supervisor at the plant twenty years ago , he was ex - navy and hard core , and for some reason I never discovered , he didn 't like me . Right from the beginning , when I started there , it was clear he did not care for me . He did his best to make my life miserable , he gave me the jobs no - one else wanted , he would slam me on my reviews every year and had even tried to get me fired without success . He would also never pass up the chance to confront me in front of others . This guy was what I referred to back then as a " Flaming Jerk " . I know the old story about a boss who is really hard on an employee , because he likes him and expects more . This was not one of those cases , this guy didn 't like me , and there was no silver lining . One time I told a co - worker that I had purchased a three - day Disneyland package , and we would spend the rest of the week in a hotel by the beach . My girls were so excited , they were still small and really looked forward to it . Scott waited until two weeks before my vacation and then cancelled it , saying that they didn 't have the coverage , and he actually smiled slightly as he delivered the news . He was the Bain of my existence for the first seven years I was at the plant . I had been rid of the vermin for thirteen years , and now he shows up here , at my church home , but not only at my church home , but the greeter corps to boot . Was there no justice in this life ? After the orientation , the greeters who have been doing it for a while are expected to stand in a receiving line and welcome our new brothers . I reluctantly stood in line , shaking hands of our newest volunteers . As Scott approached , He looked at me then did a double take , and that old grin crept back on his face . He stuck his hand out and I did my best to make my hand feel like a cold dead fish as he shook it . He then looked me in the eyes with a serious look , and said " Jim , I realize we have a lot of history , and I wasn 't always good to you . I hope you will give me a chance to make it right . I feigned a smile and said " Sure , no problem " . He smiled again , nodded and walked to the next one in line . Another chance huh , sure how about " Fat Chance " I thought as he walked on . I tried to get my mind right so that I could finish greeting the newbies as they continued to come . Jim , how are you the next one said as I looked toward the calling of my name . Fine , how are you I asked as I shook the hand of a guy about my age , I had " no clue " who he was . Jeremy , from high school , do you remember me he asked ? He stood there smiling broadly , and then it came back to me . Jeremy was a kid in my class ; he always tried to hang out with my friends and I , but he didn 't fit in . I had a group I ran with , guys who were my bud 's , but Jeremy was kind of a goof ball . He wasn 't really cool , and was kind of a cling on guy , if you know what I mean . He kept at us , wanting to do things with us , be one of our crowd . We used to like to go " cruising " on Friday and Saturday nights to socialize and meet girls , and he asked if he could come with us . We reluctantly said yes , and let him tag along . About eleven PM , he asked if we could stop at a place with a bathroom , because he had to go . We found a fast food joint , and let him out . One of the guys thought it would be funny to just leave him there and go on . I didn 't like the idea , I thought it was too mean , but it wasn 't my car so I didn 't say anything . We left poor Jeremy at a fast food restaurant in a not so good side of town at eleven PM by himself . I have thought about that over the years and felt bad . All of these memories flooded back as I shook his hand . I then looked him in the eyes and said , " I have felt really bad about that night we went cruising over the years , it was so wrong . I hope you will give me a chance to make it right . He looked at me warmly and said " think nothing of it , we were just kids , not only forgiven , but forgotten . As he walked off , I realized I was his " flaming Jerk " . I was thankful to accept the grace he extended to me , yet reluctant to extend the same grace to Scott . " Do not judge , and you will not be judged . Do not condemn , and you will not be condemned . Forgive , and you will be forgiven . 4 Comments » It was Thursday morning , I was getting ready to go to my weekly men 's Bible study class , a bunch of guys who meet at a coffee shop to study , fellowship , and hold each other accountable through friendship . As I was getting ready to leave at about 7AM , the phone rang , and caller i . d . told me it was my doctor . She had me get an MRI the day before because I have been having migraines and she wanted to have a look at my brain . Doc Kim told me I needed to come to her office right away , as she needed to meet with me . I said " I guess this means you found something , right " ? She replied that they had found something , actually a couple of things , and she needed to discuss them with me ASAP . I asked if it could wait until after my Bible study , and she went silent , then said , " Well , I guess it would be okay " . She then told me what the problem was . Jim , you have had a stroke , it showed up on the MRI , and you need to see a neurologist today , right after your Bible study . She then told me that I couldn 't work for at least a few weeks , as we needed to " de - stress " my life . I just sat and listened as she said I needed to go on FMLA ( medical time off ) , and change my diet and exercise habits . She then told me to call her after I got an appt . with the Neurologist she had referred me to , and we ended the call . Whew , what a conversation , I then turned and my wife was standing there , she then asked , " what 's up " ? Well dear , your not going to believe this , but …… . . The guys all gathered around the scarred little coffee table and we chatted for a while about regular things , what was happening in everyone 's lives and so on . Looking at my watch , and knowing my Dr . had only given me an hour , I said " umm , hey guys , I need to talk about something " . They were all equally surprised , but Brett , who was leading today 's study suggested we begin in prayer , rather than end as we usually do . Brett prayed that my illness would be cured miraculously , and that when I was examined later I would show no sign of the stroke , and he prayed that I would have peace . We finished our study , and I headed out to make my many phone calls . I wasn 't able to get in to see a neurologist that day , but did get an appt . the following morning . I worked everything out for the time off through HR at work , and then called Doc Kim back . She then told me she wasn 't comfortable waiting , and said that I should come get the MRI report and go to the ER , as they would get me seen by a neurologist today . I wasn 't happy about it , but we complied , and began what would be ten and a half hours at the hospital . I was poked , prodded , sampled , and scanned . Finally , a neurologist stepped into my room and began to give me the down low . He smiled , and told me he disagreed with the radiologist who read my MRI . He did not believe that I had a stroke , and if I did , it was a small one . I do not seem to have any damage that they expect to see when someone has a stroke . The other issue was there and valid , and would need to be dealt with , but the stroke wasn 't an issue , great news . As the Dr . left , I felt happy that I had apparently missed this bullet , or if it was a stroke , it was minor and damage free . I then began to stew about how irresponsible it was for the radiologist to throw out the " stroke " diagnosis so freely . While glad on the one hand , I was annoyed on the other . I had called my HR and told them my diagnosis , and they had emailed my supervisors , word was out , and my phone was full of texts and voicemails . People were worried and praying for me all over , and now I needed to tell them it wasn 't what we thought , I probably hand 't even had a stroke . I wondered if the radiologist who diagnosed me ever thought about these things before he threw out his diagnoses . Did he ever consider how people 's lives changed based on what he told them about their results , if he knew , would it make him check twice ? Would he care enough to look again ? Then , a wonderful thing happened , shame began to flow over my soul , from the top of my head to the tips of my toes . Shame at my response to God granting my wishes . Shame at me praying for rain , but not bringing an umbrella . I then thought back to early that morning , when Brett prayed for a miraculous cure , for the evidence of the stroke to go away . I then thought about God , and how hurt He must be when we pray for something , He grants it , then we give the credit to someone else , or worse yet call a miracle He performed a mistake on the part of another . We are a real piece of work , aren 't we ? Our God is so good to us , when we fail in our faith like that , and we ask Him to forgive us for not being more loyal to Him , He not only forgives us , but He forgets it too , He remembers it no more . In His mind , it is like it never even happened . Anyone who says we have a harsh God obviously does not know my God . Our God is a God of miracles , and our God is a God of second chances . 10 Comments » We came down to through the tree and rock outcroppings , and I began to relax a little , it looks like the traveling will settle out and become easier , I think to myself , then we clear the thicket and I change my mind instantly . I look out at the large gash on the landscape before me and hold my breath , our work has just begun . One of the porters on the explorer team exclaims , " what a huge valley " . I look over at Him and say " Son , that 's no valley , that 's a canyon " . The canyon before us was huge , deep , and dark . The bottom was not visible because of its depth and the steep walls . I instantly began to search my mind for a strategy to get across this monster , and then I turned and began to take stock of our equipment . Ropes and climbing supplies would be needed to scale the walls , harnesses and carabineer 's to assist as I began to put together the logistics . After a few minutes of trying to put together a plan , I came to a realization , I needed help , I was over my head . I turned and called to my partner and co - explorer Tom . Have you seen Jesus , he smiled and pointed my way . I turned and looked to my right and jumped when I saw how close the Guy was to me . He was literally standing right next to me grinning ; He knew I hadn 't seen Him . He was always doing that , you would think you were traveling alone , and " Bam " there He was right next to you . " What can I help you with Jim " , He asked ? I pointed toward the large canyon and said " why don 't we start with that " . You see , Jesus is a master guide , there is no trail , canyon , mountain peak that is too much for Him . I have used Him on all of them , and He has never let me down . He never fails to surprise me at the ease with which he conquers problems great and small . I told Him I thought we would need to rope up to get to the bottom of the canyon safely . He walked over and looked down into the maw and began to slowly shake His head , " naw , it isn 't as bad as it looks " He said as he began to point out a trail . The trail He found us wasn 't even very steep , the whole team was able to make it down to the bottom with no problem . As we looked up , I thought to myself , it isn 't as foreboding from the bottom as it is from the top . We walked along the sandy bottom as it curved to the flow of a dry river , this way and that . I examined the walls looking for a break to begin climbing out on the other side when I finally saw it . It was a slightly technical climb , but I thought we all could make it , considering everyone 's varying experience . I pointed this out to Jesus and he looked up at the wall . He began to shake His head again as He said " naw , I think we can do better than this " and He kept walking . We rounded another bend in the canyon and He pointed ahead and said " there , that is what I was looking for . What do you think ? " I looked ahead and there was a perfect set of steps carved into the side of the canyon walls , no doubt carved by ancient travelers generations before . I stood with my jaw hanging open , speechless at what lay before me . " Sure , looks good to me " I said as we began to climb out of the canyon . Later , as we stood at the top on the far side , ready to move on to the rest of our journey , I thought back to the fear and trepidation I had felt when facing this dark and unknown canyon . I thought about how Jesus had just " been there " when we needed Him to guide us through the unknown , and wondered what we would have done without Him . I turned around to thank Him , but He was gone . I asked Tom if he had seen Him , but he hadn 't . The Man was gone , probably off collecting wood for tonight 's campfire . I smiled inwardly at the thought that He was always there when you " needed " Him though . The last time we communicated a few years ago , things were tense . I knew it would not be a good idea to have a face - to - face meeting , afraid I would say something I truly do not want to , if that makes sense . So I took the coward 's way our , I fired him an e - mail wishing him well in his retirement , although there was still much ire in my heart . The friend from long ago left behind in many discussions that ended bitterly . These thoughts passed through my mind as I placed my truck in park in front of his house . You see , he hadn 't answered that e - mail , I had no idea how I would be received this morning . The man was an old warhorse , would he kick me off his property ? I heard movement as I rang the doorbell , and I felt watched as I saw light move back and forth on the other side of the peephole , then fade altogether . I rang the bell once more , and was about to walk away when I heard the deadbolt begin to open . I turned as the door opened and I found myself face to face with my old friend , my old enemy . The conversation was awkward in the beginning , but only for a little while . We soon fell into an easy and comfortable rhythm as we caught up over all the years . I was honest with him , we had been friends , and then adversaries , and I wasn 't comfortable leaving it at that . I wanted us to mend the fence . The warmth of my old friend returned to his face and his clear blue eyes began to fill with tears as he came over and hugged me . This would happen several times again before I would leave . He still had all of his hair , although he didn 't know why , he was done with Chemo and he had just one week of radiation left . He was substantially smaller than he had been when I had last seen him . He then told me about Christy , his wife . They were still close , although they were separated . She has cancer too , throat cancer . Fitz shakes his head as he tells me about it . She has never smoked , yet she got a smokers cancer . He said she has lost the ability to talk , and she needs everyone 's prayers worse than he does . We discuss his son , and how well he is doing in his career , and then I ask him how his relationship with the Lord is , and he smiles and says " better than ever " . The two and a half years since he retired has given him the opportunity to get closer still with God . Before his sickness , he would volunteer regularly at church . We didn 't waste any of our time talking about " old times " but rather on things that mattered . He walked me out to my truck , and told me he was " very " happy that I had stopped by , and that I was welcome to do so any time I wanted to . He teared up again and gave me a final hug as I climbed into my truck and drove away . He had changed and so had I , many times when we see someone for the last time under bad circumstances , that last snapshot we have is the one we use to classify them from now on . But people change , Fitz had changed . I no longer hold anger in my heart when I think of Fitz , instead I think of the broken man who kept thanking me for visiting him , the man who kept getting tears in his eyes , not the tyrant . I know this post doesn 't have some huge Biblical discovery in it , but if there was something I wish you would walk away with , it is that we all change , and we all deserve a second chance . Is there someone you have held a grudge against for years , or maybe months ? Maybe it is time to cut them some slack . 6 Comments » As an IT specialist fresh out of college , I began working at a Dr 's office on their existing billing software . I would tweak it to suit their needs as requested . As time passed , I began to see the faults in the software . I would set up a workstation and as I would set up the software I would think , " if this were mine , I would have designed it differently and made it more user friendly " . Eventually , I began to work on a new program in the spare bedroom at my house , the room I called my office . After two years or so , I released my new software package , the one I had designed by studying the mistakes of all the other programs . It was well received in the medical community , and my company skyrocketed . I hired a small staff to assist me , and investors with other IT propositions approached me . My wife and I moved out of our house and into a gated neighborhood on the " better " side of town , and I now had a rented floor in an office building . After I designed an accounting software program designed to be used by law offices , my company went public on the NYSE , and the rest was history . I hired the best software engineers in the country and my employee numbers exceeded five hundred , and that was just the beginning . Fifteen years have passed now since that time , I don 't even go into work but once a month to board meetings . I live on a one hundred acre estate . I have a driver , kitchen and housekeeping staffs , and gardeners to handle the upkeep . My first wife is long gone , two more have cycled through since , and they live in luxury with their settlements . In looking back to my poverty stricken upbringing , I realize that I really have it good now . I wear only the best clothes , I live in a nice home , and the people I surround myself with are cultured and have class . When I ride through the city in my limo , I see the small people of the world , wearing their cheap t - shirts and bargain pants , big stupid grins on their faces , and I shudder to think of what it would be like if I had instead lived among their ranks . What if I had been average ? I like to refer to myself when giving talks at conferences as a winner , I don 't take no for an answer , I do not quit until I have a solution . So why am I so miserable all of the time . I have everything a man could want , I have money beyond my ability to ever spend . I have possessions that should make anyone happy , I can fly to Rome , London , or anywhere in the world on a moments notice in my plane , so why am I so unhappy ? As I lay down to sleep last night , I drifted off into a dream . In my dream , I was in an accident in my limo ; the driver and I were both killed . I was taken to a place where it was very cold and stripped naked then bathed . I was then placed on a table and shoved into one of many vaults in a wall as I watched from overhead . I was in a vault next to a homeless man that died on a park bench at the same time I died . My brother ( the Bible thumper ) came and identified my body as I watched , then turned away and cried bitterly . I could also read his thoughts ; he cried because I had never obeyed the gospel , my gospel was money . My heart couldn 't help but be pricked as he left the building sobbing over the loss of my soul , his little brother . Three days later , I was wheeled into a room with several others , naked on the same table and we were cremated one after the other . After each cremation , the worker would do his best to sweep out the ashes into a box onto which he would write the name of the decedent , but he could never get all the ashes . My ashes were mixed with those of the homeless man and two others , how can that be ? After my name was written on the box , I began to drift off toward a bright light and it was warm and comfortable . When I finally came to the source of the light , I was surprised to see it emitting from a figure sitting on a throne that appeared to be made of gold . He was so bright that you could not look directly at Him , but could catch glimpses of Him in your peripheral vision . I was made to stand in line and wait with all of the others , it reminded me of a time when I went to the DMV , all different kinds of people , most of which I wouldn 't rub elbows with . That homeless guy I saw back in the morgue , well , I just couldn 't lose him , he was in front of me in line . As he got to the front of the line , he went down on his knees and bowed before God to my surprise . God ran his fingers over a page in the book , the said " well done , good and faithful servant " enter my kingdom . To my surprise , the homeless man rose and entered through the gate to the left of God ; Then God turned His attention to me . He ran His finger down one page , then another , and another page still . He began to shake His head slowly , and then he asked me how many people I might have fed had I parted with a small part of my money ? How many people could have occupied a room in my mansion on a cold winter night , had I only offered ? I then knew what he was talking about , an understanding came over me , and I knew I would not be entering through the gate to Gods left . I was going somewhere else altogether , and I looked toward God for His reaction . To my surprise , He was not angry , but sad as He closed the book and said " sorry son " . I then awoke and looked around the room , it was dark outside still , and it took a while , but I was able to get back to sleep , this time dreamless . After breakfast the next morning , I went into the study for privacy and dialed a number I hadn 't called in many years . I sat waiting as the phone rang , hoping upon hope that he would answer . Finally , my brother , the Bible thumper answered . After some initial awkwardness , we fell into easy conversation , and I told him about the dream . I then asked if he would be willing to come visit me and tell me more about God . I could hear the joy in his voice as he said " I thought you 'd never ask " . Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked , " Teacher , what good thing must I do to get eternal life ? " " Why do you ask me about what is good ? " Jesus replied . " There is only One who is good . If you want to enter life , keep the commandments . " " Which ones ? " he inquired . Jesus replied , " ' You shall not murder , you shall not commit adultery , you shall not steal , you shall not give false testimony , honor your father and mother , and ' love your neighbor as yourself . " All these I have kept , " the young man said . " What do I still lack ? " Jesus answered , " If you want to be perfect , go , sell your possessions and give to the poor , and you will have treasure in heaven . Then come , follow me . " When the young man heard this , he went away sad , because he had great wealth . Then Jesus said to his disciples , " Truly I tell you , it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven . Again I tell you , it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God . " I suppose that the thing that fascinates me so much about these scriptures is the way we do our best to interpret them , many times an attempt to spin them into our favor . I know anyone who has ever attended a church or discussed this scripture has debated the true meaning of these verses . I would like to dig deeper . If there were a core meaning to this passage , what would it be ? My thinking is that it would be " greed is bad " . Just last night , we discussed at Bible study the subject of greed . Can a rich person inherit the kingdom of Heaven ? Is there a difference in being rich and being financially secure , or for that matter fiscally responsible . God wants us to be fiscally responsible as reflected in many scriptures in the Bible , but we need to be careful with how important our money is , how much focus we give to it in our life . But money is not the thing that usually drives greed in most cases , but the " stuff " that our money can buy . A bad case of the wants is the first clue that we may have a problem with greed . Wants are not to be confused with needs either . I have always thought it would be cool to have a big customized Harley , doing road trips in the mountains of up north . I could get my woman , oops , wait , my wife to jump on and away we would go . See , this is how greed begins , we see ourselves as being satisfied and happier when we have more , unrealistically because it is never as great as you think it will be . It starts with admiration , then leads to imagination , and eventually to covetousness . When we get there , we have greed . Sooooo , back to the scripture " Truly I tell you , it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven . Does he say impossible ? No , he does not , But , there is that follow up scripture . Again I tell you , it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God . So , what gives , is it impossible or what , here is my take . I have heard all of my life that there is a gate into Jerusalem , and you guessed it , it is called the eye of the needle . It is a short gate , no more than five feet tall , and while difficult , a camel can pass through on its knees , although it will need at least four Band - Aids afterwards . 😉 It is great to hear this story , because it means we can have our cake and eat it too , but now comes the rub . The story of the short gate is hogwash , it is an urban legend , a myth , it does not exist . If you have a NIV study Bible , read the notes below the parable of the rich man , it will be explained . So what does that leave us with , a real needle , and a real camel . Those who have nothing don 't give another thought to this scripture , it doesn 't apply to them . Those of us who live in the land of plenty are constantly looking for the loophole in the scripture , the secret meaning that means we can really keep all of our stuff . I look at all that I have , I look at my possessions , things that I collect and cringe at the thought of not having them . My watch collection that I spent a decade collecting , that I enjoyed so much , did it really mean anything , or was it just stuff . The collection was just stuff , so I sold it , and guess what , I don 't miss it . Only on parting with them did I realize that I felt better without them . Folks , don 't get me wrong , I am not saying that it is wrong to have a few luxury items . I am not saying it is wrong to have a few dollars in the bank , and neither is Jesus . It is wrong when your items or your money begin to mean too much to you . When the things , money , even time become more important to us than taking up our cross and following Christ , it may be time to have a garage sale . Matt . 8 : 19 - 20 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said , " Teacher , I will follow you wherever you go . " Jesus replied , " Foxes have dens and birds have nests , but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head . " God Bless 6 Comments » I stood at the mailbox looking at the plain envelope with no return address on it , wondering if it was junk mail or not . Real letters usually have a return address on them , so it is probably just an ad . Curiosity always gets the best of me though , so I rip it open anyway . A single letter with a small paragraph is on the page , and I catch my breath as I begin to read . The letter addresses me by name , and goes on to tell me that this is to serve as formal notification that I am being evicted from life , my life will end Saturday morning at eleven thirteen AM . I stare at the paper thinking " could this possibly be true , who can know that ? I also think briefly " This is Monday " so I read on . The letter thanks me for being a servant of Christ and the one and only true God and telling me that I have been awarded a home in Heaven with Them . The letter gets " really interesting " then as it goes on to tell me that my family are all going to join me when their time is up . But , I will have an opportunity to bring six additional people with me who are named in the letter , but there are conditions . First off , I need to tell them about God " this week " as there is no time to waste . The letter also tells me that they are currently " not " saved and will spend their eternity in hell if I do not intervene . One is my best friend , another is a co - worker that I only really know as an acquaintance , and another is a boss that I really don 't like . One is a teenage friend of my daughters , and another is a single mother who lives next door . The last is the most frightening , it is my mother . The letter then said that the conditions are as follows . I am not allowed to tell anyone that my life will be ending or show the letter to them . I am not allowed to ask anyone to come to Christ ; they must ask me how they can become Christians . I am not allowed to use any resources from the church , or bring them there . I am only allowed to use one thing , the Bible in my quest . In closing , the letter then says if I hit a snag , pray about it , sincerely , God . I look around the neighborhood for the prankster , but there is no - one to be seen . I feel like my spine is covered in ice as I walk back to my house , stunned at the thought that this might actually be a letter from God . As I walk onto my driveway , the young single mother pulls in next door and gets out of her car . I look down at my hand , still clutching the letter and my voice quivers as I say " hello " and walk over to her driveway . I am terrified as I try to think of the words to say , but they come , and they keep coming . We talk casually for a while and I tell her about the Christ I follow , and how He has changed my life , how I have hope where there was once none , peace where there was never peace before , love for and from others that I never imagined . I managed to do all of this without even quoting a scripture one . She then looked at me and said she would like to learn more , she had never heard about any of this . When I finally entered the house , the phone was ringing . I answered it , and it was my mom , she wanted to know if I would be available to have lunch with her tomorrow , and I didn 't hesitate to answer yes . As the week wore on , I found myself in a position to talk to all of the people on the list , and the words flowed as they had with the young single mother I had first spoken with . My mother told me that she had wanted to have lunch , because she had become more aware of her frailty lately , and she didn 't want to waste what time she had left , she wanted to know more about God . I prayed every day , sometimes seemingly constantly from early morning to late at night , and when I would fall asleep finally , I would dream about God , my friends and the ticking clock . The week flew by , and when Friday evening came , all six of my lost friends had come to Christ ; I had fulfilled God 's wishes by being available to Him . I sat contentedly in my recliner , looking at my lovely wife clipping coupons at the table , and thought to myself , " I am ready now " . That night , I went to bed and slept a deep and relaxing sleep , one without dreams and woke at eight the next morning . I sat at the breakfast table feeling healthy and fine , wondering how I would go out in three hours as my wife came in from the yard . She had a stack of mail in her hands and told me there was an unmarked letter in it for me , probably just ad 's . I tore it open immediately and knew instantly it was from Him , same paper , and same font . I began reading voraciously through the letter , and here is what it said . Jim , you have shown Me that you can in fact be a productive worker in My kingdom . You answered the call I gave to you and have shown me that you have what it takes to be a soul winner for My Son , a fisher of men . I have decided to extend your life beyond the date written in My book , because I think you need a second chance . Being a follower of My Son is required to enter the kingdom , but to get the best seats , you have to be a worker , it is called " building treasures in Heaven " . You had seats in the nosebleed section before , but you are moving closer to the field now . While I have allowed your life to continue , remember this , every day is " somebody 's " last day , the day when the book of their life will be sealed forever . Go get em ' Jimbo ! Love , God ! |
Next » Life Changing Event Published June 30 , 2013 | By Caryn Few things change your life more that the entrance of a child into it . Whether it is your own baby , or your grandbaby … it makes no difference . Each one changes everything , but the first … well , that is a different thing . When my first daughter , Corrie came into this world on June 30 , 1975 , it would change many lives . Parents who weren 't parents before , now were . Grandparents who weren 't grandparents before , now were . And aunts and an uncle who weren 't aunts or an uncle before , now were . Things would never be the same again . You simply have no idea how much a child changes things , until you have one . Corrie 's entrance was exciting for so many people , in both of our families , but Bob 's family hadn 't had babies by any of the children yet , so she was a first , and that is why it was such a life changing event . Of course , Corrie 's great grandmother was probably the most excited , because Corrie was born on her birthday . Still , there is just something about a grandpa 's first grandchild that makes that event very hard to top . My father - in - law was so excited to be a grandpa . In many ways he reminds me of how much I wanted to be a grandma … a fact to which my girls can attest . My father - in - law is so much like Bob with babies and little kids . Those little ones steal their heart , and they never get it back . They are gone on those babies , and I think that first one was quite a surprise . Men sometimes don 't realize how much they can be impacted by such a little teeny baby , but I think my father - in - law was just like me when my grandbabies arrived . He knew that he would be wrapped around that little girl 's baby finger for the rest of his life , and that … was just fine . Bob was probably the one who surprised me the most , although I don 't know why . I guess going from being my boyfriend to husband to the father of my children , was something that my mind couldn 't wrap itself around where he was concerned . Bob went from being a strong , tough guy , kind of person to being so totally gone on his daughter , that I couldn 't believe it . The look on his face when he held Corrie was so soft … so loving … so amazed . I knew in that moment that he , like me , was forever changed by the entrance of this little tiny girl . It truly was a life changing event . Today is Corrie 's birthday , and while she is a mom now herself , and has twice made us grandparents , she will always be our baby . Happy birthday Corrie ! ! Have a wonderful day ! ! We love you very much ! ! Leave a comment Special Relationships Published June 29 , 2013 | By Caryn As Corrie 's birthday draws near , I am reminded of another of her birthdays … her first . Corrie 's birth put her in close connection with her great grandmother , with whom she shares that birthday . Her first birthday put Corrie , and her little sister Amy , in touch with the only set of great great grandparents they ever got to know … the in - laws of the great grandmother with whom Corrie shares her birthday . It would be their only meeting with their great great grandfather , as he would pass away less than two months later , on August 28 , 1976 , at the age of 93 years . He had not been ill or in a nursing home , but rather lived in his own home all the years of his marriage . His death came after he fell off of a ladder , while doing home maintenance … at the age of 93 ! ! How amazing is that ? That first meeting between , great great grandparents and great great granddaughters was so special . This loving , sweet couple holding my daughters , was such a precious sight for me . You could just see how they felt about my girls , and it was a beautiful moment . In fact , it was at that very moment that Bob and I decided that we needed to go visit them again … soon . We wanted our girls to have a relationship with these loving people . We did make the trip to see them in late September , but it was too late to see their great great grandpa , and that made me very sad . Such a kind , loving man was gone before we hardly got to know him . The visit to Washington to see Great Grandma was a precious one . Amy was too little to remember it , at almost 4 months , but Corrie and her great great grandmother got along famously . Great Grandma allowed Corrie to explore her home and play with the pans in the kitchen , and when I tried to stop Corrie from making messes and so much noise , she told me to let her play , because she loved to see her youthful curiosity and her smiling face . She even sent Corrie home with a little chair that she loved to sit on … it was over 100 years old then , so it is about 140 years old now … and still a treasure to Corrie . The girls would get to see their great great grandma again , and she would also meet another great great granddaughter , Machelle and her great great grandson , Barry the next time she visited . The kids all had a wonderful time on that visit too . She was just the kind of person kids flock to . She continued to live in her home for most of the rest of her life , and stayed active and of sound mind for all of it . These were amazing people and such a great part of my children 's heritage . I feel very blessed to have known these special people . Leave a comment A Whole Lot Of Trouble Published June 28 , 2013 | By Caryn Bob 's Uncle Butch is the youngest of his dad 's sisters and brothers . While he is Bob 's uncle , he is only 9 years older than Bob is . That said , I 'm sure you can imagine that at some time during those years , they had similar interests . In fact , probably there were several times that they had similar interests , and for that reason , Butch probably didn 't seem like an uncle , exactly . Bob had spent several weeks in the summers up at Grandma and Grandpa 's house , which are Butch 's parents . That contributed to a closer relationship as well , I 'm sure . So , when Bob was out of high school , and living on his own , he and his friend , Paul went up to visit the family in Montana . They were staying at Grandma 's house , but one evening , they decided to go out with Butch . At that time , it was legal for Bob and Paul to drink , so the three of them went to the bar … mainly because there isn 't a whole lot of other things to do in Forsyth , Montana , due to it 's small size . They three of them had an … interesting evening . While sitting in the bar , and with Bob and Paul being somewhat inexperienced in the art of drinking , Butch had them try several drinks that he liked . Well , maybe some people can mix different kinds of alcohol and have no problem , but Bob and Paul were not those people . By the time they left the bar , both Bob and Paul were pretty tipsy … and that , is an understatement . They headed back out to Grandma 's , and went to bed . The hangovers they had the next day … well , lets just say that Grandma was not happy with Butch . He was in a lot of trouble , in her book . Somehow , she didn 't think it was appropriate for him to corrupt Bob and Paul , and she made that fact known to Butch . To say he was in the dog house … is putting it mildly . Grandma wasn 't ever one to drink much , and I 'm sure that had a lot to do with her feelings on the situation . Plus , I suppose , she felt responsible to my father - in - law to make sure that his son was not turned into a delinquent , not that Butch 's action were a detriment in any way . Personally , I like to think it was me that straightened Bob out , but I would guess that he might argue that statement . Bob and Butch have always had a great time together , and getting in trouble with Grandma , didn 't change that one bit , but it is something none of them ever forgot , nor have I , when I heard about it . Today is Butch 's birthday . Happy birthday Butch ! ! Have a great day ! ! Leave a comment Super - Topher Published June 28 , 2013 | By Caryn My grand nephew , Topher , who is my niece Andrea 's son , is probably a lot like most little boys … into super heroes . They dream of being just like their favorite one . Topher is very into the Avengers , the Justice League , and my favorite , Superman . I think every boy dreams of being a super hero at some point in their lives . I suppose it is the goodness in those little boys that makes them want to rescue people in trouble … to fix whatever is wrong in the lives of loved ones and strangers alike . Topher is the kind of kid who hates to let people down . He hates to have people upset with him , and he hates to be the reason anyone is sad … or even see people sad . He has a great big heart , and it gets broken when those around him are not happy . Topher likes everything in his world to be … happy . I can 't blame him for that . Wouldn 't it be lovely if we really could live in the Land of Perfect , where everyone is happy and all is well . The good news is that when you get around a kid like Topher , your world seems to take a turn toward the Land of Perfect … at least a little bit . It 's awfully hard to stay sad when you see a smiling , goofy , little face like Topher 's . Topher is the kind of kid that little kids love to be around . He is very compassionate and caring , and because of his great sense of humor , little kids really Get a kick out of him . Of course , big kids do too . Topher 's big sister , Savannah is one of his favorite people in the world , as are his dad and mom . He has a serious sense of family , and feels very blessed to have the one he has . He also loves his dogs , because they are family too … especially to a little boy . Topher is such a happy kid that he makes others around him happy too . Maybe that is why he likes super heroes so much . Super heroes save people from terrible situations , and Super - Topher saves people from sad moments and days . Does it get better than that ? Today is Topher 's 8th birthday . I can 't believe that he is 8 already . Happy birthday Super - Topher ! ! Have a great day ! ! We love you ! ! Leave a comment Big City Girl Published June 27 , 2013 | By Caryn When I first met Bob 's cousin , Kim , she was a teeny little girl , just 4 years of age . She always went by Kimmie back then . Kim was the only girl of the three cousins that lived in Forsyth , Montana at that time . I can imagine that having a brother and a male cousin made life a little difficult for this little girl . After all , we all know how much boys pick on little girls . Since they lived in Forsyth , and we live in Casper , I can 't say for sure that Kim got picked on , but if she didn 't , she was probably the only girl on earth that wasn 't picked on by and older brother or cousin . As the years went by , Kim grew into a beautiful young lady . It was at this point that it occurred to me that Kim might be a big city girl living in a small town . That happens sometimes , and it doesn 't mean that the girl doesn 't love her small town , because most do , it 's just not exactly where they want to be living . In Kim 's case there was another thing that factored in to her decision to move to Dallas , Texas … the weather . Kim had a really hard time with the Montana winters , and on that I can relate . I don 't like winter either , but for some reason , I guess I don 't hate it enough to leave Wyoming . I think it takes a certain level of bravery to make such a big move all by herself . Yes , she has family in the Dallas area , but she still had to make the move by herself … and Dallas is a very big place . This is where the big city girl side of Kim kicked in . I have the feeling that once she got there , Kim felt the excitement of the big city coursing through her veins , and yet maybe a little bit of panic going on in there too . That move took place a number of years ago now , and Kim is still living in Dallas , and loving every minute if it . I guess she knew what she wanted to do with her life . So many people move away from home and then just can 't make it on their own , so they head home again , but Kim … well , like I said , she was a big city girl , living in a small town , and now she is a big city girl , living in that big city . Today is Kim 's birthday . Happy birthday Kim ! ! Have a great day ! ! We love you ! ! I 'm so glad that we hooked up on Facebook , because it had been way too long . Leave a comment Running Through The Sprinkler Published June 26 , 2013 | By Caryn There are few things that spell summer better for little kids than water … whether it is a wading pool , the local swimming pool , the lake , water pistols , or running through the sprinkler . Kids just love the hot days , so they can get wet to cool off . Lots of adults feel the same way too , as a matter of fact . It 's just what summer is all about . While watching some old home movies the other night , I saw Bob and his sisters Debbie , and Jennifer running through the sprinkler . Jennifer was just a little girl of about 3 years , and I 'm pretty sure it was her first experience at running through the sprinkler . She was obviously enjoying herself , but that doesn 't mean the water felt like what she expected either . As she started into the water , she skirted the edges of it at first , almost as if trying not to get wet . I know that feeling . It happens when you get caught in a rain shower . Even though it is hot outside , and the rain has a cooling effect , it still has the ability to almost feel like needles hitting your skin … ok , dull needles that don 't hurt , but still each one creates a little shock . That is how Jennifer seemed to be feeling . That first time feeling of running through the sprinkler is a one time event . Once you know what to expect , you never get to feel that way again . That doesn 't make running through the sprinkler any less fun , just not so surprisingly shocking ever again . Knowledge comes with experience , and once we know something , we know it forever . There is no way to go back to that innocense and be surprised by it again . I 'm sure that the next time the kids ran through the sprinkler , Jennifer didn 't skirt the edge like she did before . I am reminded of a picture I have of my oldest grandson running through the sprinkler , and I 'm thinking how cute he looked . Christopher was clearly ducking his head to the side to avoid the water that was hitting him … and yet he liked the whole feeling , of coolness on a hot day . Even with the wading pool and other backyard pools that are available , kids have loved to run throught the sprinkler since they were invented . And , I can relate to that . Once you have tried it , you will like it . Even as an adult , it isn 't the end of the world to have to run through the sprinkler to get into the house . I mean , after all , clothes dry , but the fun of running through the sprinkler will stick with you for a long time . Leave a comment Good News Grandma ! ! Published June 25 , 2013 | By Caryn When my grandson , Caalab was 5 years old , he came up to me when we were getting ready to leave to take him , his sister , and his cousins to school , and said , " Good news Grandma ! ! I just got my driver 's license ! ! So … I 'll drive ! ! " I laughed and told him , " I don 't think so . " Of course , he was joking , because that was what Caalab did , and still does . I have thought about that funny little statement many times in the years that have followed , and it has always put a smile on my face . Today , that statement will no longer be a funny little joke , because today , Caalab is 16 years old , and will be going this morning to get his driver 's license . I can 't believe that the years have gone by so fast . There are those who wish this day hadn 't arrived , and the one I never would have expected is Caalab 's sister , Shai . For so many years , she had wished that she wouldn 't have had a brother , and would gladly have sold him to the highest bidder , or even the best offer , but in the last couple of years . The opinion Shai has of her brother has softened tremendously . She has been taking him to school and other places since she started driving , and while that hasn 't always been wonderful , mostly it was good . Now she is feeling a little bit sad that she won 't be doing that anymore . It feels a little bit lonely , I 'm sure . Shai wishes her brother wasn 't going to be driving , because with both of them working and getting out of school at different times next year , they just won 't get to see each other as much as they had when Shai was taking Caalab to school . Nothing will be the same again , probably not for the rest of their lives . Life moves so fast , and sometimes we just don 't notice until the moments have passed us by . Yes , they will always be sister and brother , but they will be busy with their own lives . I know how she feels . As life changes , it always seems like there is a little twinge of sadness . When they come into my office to show me their license , and then I watch them leave , it feels like you have just turned that little 5 years old loose on the street … in a car … alone ! ! ! It just doesn 't seem possible that they have grown up so quickly , but they have , and will continue to grow up , because non of us can stop the hands of time . Time marches on , and old things are left behind . So , today when my grandson , Caalab comes into my office to show me his license , I 'll do my best to smile and not shed a tear . We 'll take his picture , like we did his sister and his cousin when they got their licenses . We will all be excited that he is beginning this new phase in his life . No one will have to go pick him up anymore , or plan things around the time he gets off work , because he can take himself now . Still , in the memory files of my mind , I will always see that little 5 year old boy saying , " Good news Grandma ! ! I just got my driver 's license ! ! So … I 'll drive ! ! " Today is Caalab 's 16th birthday . Happy birthday Caalab ! ! Have a great day ! ! We love you very much ! ! Leave a comment I 've Got Your Back Published June 24 , 2013 | By Caryn When men go off to war , their buddies become more than just people they serve with . They are family , and more importantly , they are a life line . These men , often barely more than boys , have to count of their fellow soldiers to have their back … in the deepest sense of the word . If the platoon is attacked , it is going to be the ability of the men in the platoon to act at a moments notice that will often decide their fate . Of course , no one is going to be able to move fast enough to get away from a bomb that has been dropped in most cases . There just isn 't time , but if everyone is alert , many dangers can be seen in time to warn the rest of the platoon . The further back in history the war is , the more the men had to depend on each other to stay alive , because modern equipment has helped to track the approaching enemy these days , but back then it wasn 't available . My grandpa served in World War I , and while he was a cook and not a fighting soldier , the danger was just as real for him as it was for any other soldier . You can 't be in a war zone , and not be in danger , and quite possibly he had to depend on his fellow soldiers more than someone who was in a fighting position , because he didn 't carry a gun on a regular basis . An attack on the camp would leave these men more vulnerable than men who regularly carry a gun . I 'm quite sure that Grandpa and his crew had guns assigned to them , they still didn 't use them as much as other men , as so were not as used to them . They had to know that their platoon members were going to have their back … and they did . Many men felt such a close tie to their fellow soldiers , that life long friendships were built . Their comrades were never to be forgotten … whether they made it through the war or not . In fact , often it was those men who did not come home , who were most remembered , because quite often , they gave their life to protect their fellow soldiers . I am thankful for the men who fought with my grandfather , and made a way for him to come home to his family , because without those men , my family and I would not be here today . Their bravery in fighting for their country made our way of life possible in the nation , and brought back to his family , the gentle loving man that was my grandfather . It was the code of all military men and women , then and now . When going into battle , soldiers have always been heard saying , " I 've got your back . " And they do . Leave a comment A Kitty 's Best Friend Published June 23 , 2013 | By Caryn When my brother - in - law , Ron was a little boy , the family had cats for pets . While Ron tends to prefer dogs as pets these days , he did like cats when he was little . The nice thing about cats is that they are kid sized . It doesn 't matter how little the kids is , the cat is the perfect size . A kid can 't carry a dog around . unless it is a little dog , but a little kid can carry a cat around . If there is a cat in the house hold , along with a little kid , they will quite often be best friends . That is what happened with Ron and Bryon Henrey , who was the family cat at that time . Ron and his kitty , named Bryon Henrey did all kinds of things together … some of them were things you might not expect a boy and a kitty to be doing . Most people would expect a boy and a kitty to play with a ball of yarn or a toy mouse , but this boy wanted this kitty to be a superior kitty , so the first thing he would need to do is learn to drive . Unfortunately , Ron didn 't have a car , so from the start , this was going to be a difficult operation . The next best thing to a car is … a bicycle , of course . Ron tried to figure out a way to teach his kitty to ride the bicycle , but there was one big problem , since his kitty would fit in the bathroom sink , it was quite clear that he was not going to be able to reach the peddles of a bicycle . Ron 's dilemma continued to be more and more complicated . How was he ever going to be able to make his kitty be the most special kitty around ? Sometimes in life , you simply come up against an insurmountable obstacle . That is where Ron found himself when he was trying to make his kitty into a special super kitty . He could see that he was probably not going to succeed , so he decided that if all else fails , at least look the part . When it was clear to Ron that his kitty , Bryon Henrey was not going to be able to perform special feats of super hero caliber , he simply turned to his mom , who just like Superman 's mom , made him a special outfit , that could at least make him look like a Super Cat ! ! And after all , isn 't that what a kitty 's best friend would do ? Leave a comment Never Far Away Published June 22 , 2013 | By Caryn My father - in - law passed away on May 5 , 2013 , but my mother - in - law is doing ok . Alzheimer 's Disease has removed all memory of his passing . I know that many people look at Alzheimer 's Disease as being a cruel thief . I can agree with the thief part , in that it has taken her memory of recent events away , but cruel … maybe not . Her mind simply creates its own reality . In her mind he is not gone . He is at work or visiting the neighbors or out in the garage . Death means nothing to her . It has been the same with her parents , who have been gone for 28 and 23 years now . I have long known that she lived in a world of make believe , but that fact never hit home as much as it did tonight , when Bob and I were out visiting her at the nursing home . She often speaks of those who are closest to her , and sometimes she speaks about you … to you , saying things like , " Caryn is going to be cooking dinner for everyone " when she is talking to me , or " Bobby is on his way to Grandma 's for the summer , to help with the cows " when she is talking to Bob . Corrie and Amy , work at the nursing home … at least in her mind , and my father - in - law is over by the telephone , so he will answer it when it rings . These were just a few of the recent things she has talked about , and things we are getting used to hearing . Tonight … well , tonight was different . We were talking with my mother - in - law , and the conversation was following the normal lines … or at least , it was until it wasn 't . Suddenly she said , " Hun , can you help me get this afghan over to the sewing machine so I can finish it up . " She was talking to Bob , but to her , he was my father - in - law . At first we thought it was just a slip of the tongue , but then it happened again . She said , " Walt , you need to move that other sewing machine to the table . " We didn 't know exactly how to react . It was not the first time she had mentioned him , but it was the first time she spoke to him when it was actually one of the guys in the family . She thinks nothing of talking to him , but we know that he is gone , and the pain of that parting is still very fresh in our hearts and minds . We can 't be upset with her for what she says , because in her mind , it is reality , but to us it is make believe . Like it or not , we have to play along , because to do anything different is to make her relive his death over and over again . I 'm sure we haven 't heard the last of my father - in - law visiting my mother - in - law . Her mind will bring it up again , and it 's likely that her sons or grandsons will have to play the part again at some point . They will do it , as often as needed , because it is for her . They can do nothing else . They will play the part … so that she can keep her illusion that the love of her life is never far away . |
When it came out , a lot of people believed it to be true . Clubs were made , people wanted to find that energy . Some people claim to know how to get a hold of Vril . One of these groups in Deerbow was called the Orphans of Vril . I haven 't found out too much about what the group was about , but we do know some of the members . What we think they were is a group of business men that got together and held meetings . These were not the social meetings you would expect . Vincent was forced to one of their get - togethers and . . . He 's what he is today , thanks to them . They dabbled in what they thought was magic . They thought they were channeling the power of Vril . They were channeling something , but it was not a fictional energy source . These were the top men in the society here in Deerbow . They were bankers , business owners , and possibly a priest . They killed people . Never anyone that would be missed . Immigrants , homeless , and in Vincent 's case , they covered up the murder . Do people know about this now ? The historical society says that there were rumors , but no proof . But if you think about it , the proof would have disappeared . A well placed bribe , a payment or a threat to keep someone quiet , these were men that had the power and the money to do that . Surprised ? You shouldn 't be . I loved watching the shows and I still do . Steopa refuses to watch the shows with me . He watched one and when he saw Buffy stake a vampire , he scoffed . " If they think that small stake will kill a vampire they are mistaken . " Why do I still like the show ? Spike . I liked him before I became a vampire . I like him even more now . Actually , I like all the vampires . You know how most shows and movies use cookie cutter vampires . Buffy was one of the first I enjoyed that didn 't . Some were bad , some were good , all of them could kill . None of them were copies of Dracula , or Louis , or Lestat . Except that one episode with Dracula . I can 't watch the shows anymore , if he knows I am . It 's not that he asks me to stop watching . But I can 't watch a show with him scoffing , yelling at the screen , and all that . Because he has faced real vampire hunters . Although he is impressed with her fighting style . He can 't see her being the only one fighting the vampires . I have argued that she is not alone , but he refuses to watch . Is there anything about Buffy that is real ? The hunters I met , were very religious too . Buffy wasn 't . I mean that The ones we have run into , will attack with prayers . They wear crucifixes , and other religious icons . They also don 't use little stakes . They use ones that could be pikes . There was a show on TV about aliens . We were at Teodor 's when it was on . I wasn 't really watching it . I had come over to use Trucker 's computer . Steopa and Teodor went outside to talk . A picture on the TV caught my eye and I told Baldman about it . I said the alien looked fake . He was quiet for awhile , then he said . As you know , I take Baldman 's ideas with a large grain of salt . But he sounded sincere . I had to ask , " How do you know ? " But Baldman is always like that . He will tease you with what he claims he knows , then tell you he can 't talk about it . Yet , a few days later I get an email from him . It 's a picture of that alien , Baldman is in the background . I think it 's a photoshop job , but it looks real . Steopa and I were down near Jacob 's Landing . Not many people out , thunderstorms were rolling though . We had to dodge hail at one point . Vampires can dry off very quickly , if they get wet . But hail still hurts . And I don 't want to find out what being hit by lightening will do to me . So we took shelter under an awing in a strip mall . The hail sounded like popcorn being popped as it hit the awning . Then I saw this man running with his coat over his head . He had a lunch pail in the other hand . He stopped at the covered bus stop that sat at the entrance of the parking lot . His shroud was a dark blue . Not black enough to make him a potential prey for us . Steopa growled . I had to turn my head to see what had set him off . Shadows seem to gather in the middle of the parking lot . Then a human shaped shadow stood . I didn 't see any eyes , but I could tell it was watching the man in the bus stop . The man in the bus stop , turned and looked behind him . He left the bus stop , leaving his coat and lunch pail behind . He walked to the shadow . Greenwood the large expanse of woods on the eastern side of Deerbow , is not a full virgin forest . It has been harvested before . It was developed before . The seven bridges are a good examples of that . Upper Trestle , Upper Bridge , Visitor Center Bridge , and in the swamp , the Cooper Trestle , Oberst - Dettenger Bridge , the Old Trestle , and the Lower Bridge . All of them are strange to see for the first time . You will be walking along a trail , and then a bridge will appear next to the trail . The old roads or rail that used to lead to them , are gone . They are all closed to any traffic , except for the Visitor Center Bridge . But people still climb them . One of the high schools has a tradition , of all the senor boys cross the Cooper Trestle the night before graduation . High Tower is a large , tall rock formation , that you can see for miles around Greenwoods . Near it is a small bog and Indian burial mounds . This is one of the few areas that was never developed . These are the oldest trees in Greenwoods . you can take the stairs to the top of High Tower and see most of Deerbow over the river . Another place that has stories about it . It was a sacrificial rock , it was used to observe the night sky , river pirates used it to look for law enforcement , and a UFO landing pad . Indian Burial mounds there are unique in the state for the fact . Not once , never , in the history of the development of Deerbow has anyone wanted to touch those mounds . Even Strake and Thorson left them alone . We have been to the mounds after I changed . There is a very good reason why the mounds are not touched . But I can 't talk about it . Its a cup . A large cup . I think coiree means valley . I am not sure . But we found that thing , and now we keep it safe . I think humans would call it a grail . But instead of the blood of Christ , this thing fills with vampire blood . We are watching over one of the vampire relics and none of us know what it is . I don 't know what to make of it . When Vincent was injured it filled with blood so he could heal . Most of the time it just sits there . But there is something odd about it . Other vampires want it . None of them have been forth coming about it . They say it will grant them power . But that seems so vague . What sort of power ? That is the biggest issue about it . It 's powerful , you can feel it . It can physically repeal you . Some humans knew about it . They tried feeding it animal and human blood . But that was wrong . It wants vampire blood . There is something attached to it . It 's a creature of some sort . I have seen it . Well , not really seen it . More like I felt it looking at me . It scared me and at the same time , I felt as if something important had happened . I wish we knew more . Maybe we shouldn 't be protecting it . Maybe we should have left it for the humans that like to dabble in magic . We should have left it in the ground . But if we hadn 't it might have been found by someone else . Recently , they put a Buddhist temple into one of the newer sections . One of the few classes I took in college we counted how many different languages were on the tomb stones . Fifteen back then . With the recent Asian and Arab populations , I am sure the number has gone higher . Solemn Trees is the cemetery you are buried at when you can 't afford Forest Grove . It 's a beautiful place to be laid to rest in . The oldest part of the cemetery if full of trees . Often you will find old coffins pushed through the ground by the tree roots . The trees are so thick in the part of the cemetery it looks as if you are walking through a forest in some areas . Old stone benches dot the landscape . Many of the stones are unreadable now , and the ones that are , are usually not in English . A place like that would be ripe with tales . It is . Most of regular ghost stories . Certain grave sites have ghosts that appear at certain times . There is the one that has a helpful spirit that will tell you who you will marry if you sleep on her grave . My favorite is the bagpiper . In the Scottish section , there is an ornate , but small stone . The writing on it has been weathered away . So there is no proof on who is buried there , if anyone . What happens is , if you go there on or around January 25th , you will see the piper . He appears next to the stone and plays his bagpipes . If you see him , but don 't hear him , that means death will come to your family . If you hear the pipes , you will die soon . The reason I like this story , is that a friend of mine swore she saw him . She told me that she had went their with a couple of other people to see if the story was true . And he did appear to them , but they did not hear the pipes . When her grandmother died a few years later , she claimed the piper had warned her . Spooky ? A leshy is a forest being . A human like creature with amazing powers . A greenman is close to the description of a leshy . Mainy male , I understand . They are great friends . If you are familiar with Deerbow City , you know of the large expanse of woods on the outskirts of the Eastern part of the city , called Greenwoods . You know the place with the " lost village " . Perun lives there . A leshy looks like an average looking man , with wild hair and a beard . He has moss and small plants growing in his hair and beard . His feet , oh god , his feet . They are human , but elongated like a dog . He walks on his toes . He can leap and bounce in the woods like a mad man . Perun is another friend of Steopa 's . He had lived in Poland for many years . But something happened in WWII and he ended up here . He is a wildman . I mean really a WILD MAN . He loves vodka more than Steopa does . He will drink any liquor , but his favorite is vodka , or a sipping whiskey . If you want to make him really happy . Leave him a few pounds of meat . And you should once in awhile . He will leave you alone then . He likes to play tricks and games with people . and if you have paid him off , he will let you be . Down near Jacob 's Landing , on the southern end of Greenwoods , there is a new development going up . Technically , it is out of his range . But he goes down to the edge of it and sees what they are doing . The night we went with him . One of the contractors had decided to dump scrap wood on the edge of Greenwoods . Legally , nothing wrong . But what pissed Perun off , was that they had destroyed a fox den , when they brought the wood over with the front end loader . We go down to the site with him . There are a couple of people there . One is this woman , she is just as pissed about the fox den as Perun is . Perun chuckles . " Nice to see human 's caring . " Her boss , I can only assume it 's her boss , tells her off and tells her to forget about it . Perun starts to sing . His singing , to me , sounds like chanting . I can never make out the words . But then I hear rustling in the woods and smell foxes . Steopa and I turn around . There are dozens of foxes coming out of the woods . Perun must have called the entire population of Greenwoods . The foxes wait . Then Perun whistles and points to the man . They attack ! They are biting , and yipping . Dozens of red foxes descend on that man . The woman runs and hides in her car . Perun is laughing . He calls the foxes off after a minute . The guy is laying on the ground , bleeding and looking embarrassed . Perun walks up to the car . He smiles at the woman . I swear he did not say a thing . But she walked off with him . And a few moments later , we can hear them in the woods . Steopa shook his head . I couldn 't help myself . I had to giggle . As much as he embarrasses me , I like being around him . He is a bit like Vincent , if he likes you , you will have a good time . But he is a fierce friend too . Steopa and him are not supposed to get along , but they went through something together , and they watch out for each other . I 've been telling you about some of the urban legends of this town and I never told you about the " big men " . I never care to learn about it in high school . It wasn 't until a year or so ago I started to look into the past of the city . There are some rich tales there , someone could make a mini series out of them . The two biggest names were Strake and Thorson . They were the lumber barons of the city . Deerbow would not be much of a place to live if it hadn 't been for them founding their lumber company here . Where the Deerbow River forks off , they had built their first mill . It was a perfect place . The logs would come down stream and they would stack them on the piece of land that juts out into the river ( Jacob 's Landing ) . They built a big empire here . They were not as rich as the Rockerfeller 's , but they were well off . Of course they were pillars of the community . Strake gave all the land to the University . Thorson built theaters ( for his wife , because she missed the theater life in New York ) . There are schools named after them , there are hospitals , their names are all over Deerbow . There was a dark side to the men as well . Thorson was the bad guy of the duo . Rumors of him cheating business associates , possibly killing one , there are stories of his strange taste in women . But the one that I remember from childhood was what had happened at the mill . He might have been Deerbow 's first serial killer . Long before OSHA , long before safety regulations , business owners like him could cut as many corners as they needed to make a profit . There were a lot of accidents at the mill . Many fatal . But , the odd thing was , most of the accidents happened to people that crossed Thorson . I remember a friend of my father 's telling me that her grandfather had been a foreman at the mill . He was often asked not to be in certain areas at certain times . And at those times , people died . Andi asked me this one night . I didn 't know how to answer her at the time . But now I have thought about it . There are two stages in becoming a vampire . One is the bite and the other is the change your body goes though . The bite . If you think that it is as nice as getting kissed on the neck . You are wrong . It hurts . It hurts if the bite gets interrupted . If it doesn 't then there is a pain killer that is released in the bite that numbs you . I think some people like it . John says its like getting Novocaine . When Steopa bit me , it was one of the most painful things that ever happened to me . If you have been bitten by a dog , or maybe another person , then you know how it feels . The pressure of the bite , the puncture of the fangs . You can feel the mouth and the tongue sucking the blood . Not romantic at all . You know that your blood is draining from you . Your body reacts . I pissed my pants . If the bite is unfinished . In other words if the painkiller is not released , you may become a vampire . Some people change in a few hours , others take days . What does it feel like ? It feels like your entire body is rewiring itself . You teeth change . You lose your molars and gain the fangs . Your heart stops . You don 't have to breathe . But when your lungs stop working , you don 't panic . So it is not like being underwater and not being able to get to the surface . Everything below the waist , except for your legs , stops working . Most vampires don 't remember the change , most were buried or laying in the morgue when it happens . I remember . I was conscious . I had found Steopa . Vincent thought if Steopa bit me again , the change would stop . It didn 't . When it happened , after the first moments of panic , it was actually interesting . Weird , I know . But have you ever had small surgery done , like getting stitches ? And they only numb that part of your body . You can watch them sew your skin up . It was like that . You know the things are happening , but you are not really experiencing them . When all that rearranging , and rebuilding ends . It 's like someone takes a mesh mask off your face . You can see , hear , taste , smell , and feel more . There are things you can now experience that your human mind would not have been able to process . And everything is geared for the hunt . Steopa says it 's like we changed from a herd animal to a predator . I agree . You have to see this library . Two stories of books . He has three of those ladder that run on wheels around the room . He has one large desk and an even larger table . The books look old and they feel old . Have you ever been into a room full of old books . There is a smell that comes off them . This room reeks of that . " I was in Russia last week , " he said . He put a small , but thick book on the table . " I bought this off my regular dealer . You might find it interesting . " Steopa opened to the front plate . I have been learning Russian , but I could only make out a few words . Steopa closed the book . I could tell he was surprised and a little upset , even though the expression on his face did not change . Steopa shook his head . " No . I only heard stories from people outside of my family , my father did not say much . But the name of the writer is Matvey . That was my grandfather 's name . He told me once that he had written down the last months of his father 's life . This could be that document . " Steopa wouldn 't tell me any more . He locked the book in the safe he uses for the few valuables he has . He won 't talk about it . I can tell he wants to , but he won 't . Steopa and I had a fight last night . This is what he gave me : Dearest Rebecka , There are times I forget that you have not been a vampire as long as I have . That is good . I feel as if we have known each other longer than the few short years we have . When we argued last night , I let my stubbornness block me from hearing your side . You were right . When you left our place , something was missing . We have been apart before , but last night , it felt as if we had been separated . There was a hollowness in me , something I have never felt before . When I felt that void , I knew that amends had to be made . One thing that has not changed , in all the centuries I have been on this world , is that some people cannot say they are sorry . I am not one of them . Rebecka , I am sorry . Eternal LoveSteopaYou can see why I love him . If I would have read it when I was still human , I would have loved it . I would have fallen for Edward . Why not ? He was watching over Bela all the time . He wanted her . I would have loved someone like that , when I was alive . But I was messed up then , I wanted people to take care of me . And if some guy , a good looking guy , came around and told me that they wanted to do that . I would have welcomed them with open arms . Even if they were as controlling as Edward is . Steopa never would have sneaked into my room and watch me sleep . He is a gentlemen . Edward is a control freak . Borderline abusive . When I wanted to see my brother after I changed . Steopa told me his fears , but HE LET ME GO ! He let me talk to my brother . He let me decide if I wanted to come back . I doubt Edward would have done that . He would have let her go , then hung out outside like a stalker . The interpretation of vampires is not as horrible as most people say . They don 't like the sparkling vampire . I did laugh . I read that part to Steopa and he shrugged . Drinking animal blood ? That is wrong on so many levels I don 't know where to begin . We have to drink human blood . There is no ifs , ands , or buts about it . Otherwise we become a ghoul . Which is something I don 't want to talk about now . My biggest issue . Why high school ? Are the Cullen 's punishing their " children " ? I know a couple of vampires that can pass as teenagers and high school would be the last place they would go . I sure the hell wouldn 't . I understand why people are obsessed with the book . I could have been one of them . There is a plus side to the new fascination with vampires . Especially ones that are nice and go to high school . Because Steopa and I can be out in the open and the ones looking for nice , young vampires , don 't know they are in danger until it is too late . If you are not familiar . The idea is that those water vapor trails left behind by airplanes , are actually mind control chemicals . Baldman calls that theory stupid . Baldman went on to tell me about his ideas about bottled water . " You see everyone that drinks bottled water , is ingesting the chemicals , but it is not from the water . It is from the plastic . " I told him I know about that , that 's why they pulled some plastics off the market . He tells me the opposite happened . They pulled the safe plastics and put the ones with the mind control chemicals in place . " You can test the bottle at the plant , no problem . But once it sits on the shelf for at least a week , the chemicals leech in and you drink them . " I saw him again . That strange man , whose watch set my fangs off . We had gone down to the square . The Irish festival had been going on all day and we went to find some unfortunate drunkard . The beer had not been flowing long enough , so the drunks were hard to find . I saw him standing next to the east stage . He wore the same outfit he had at the club . Which with all the green , looked out of place . Steopa and I had been standing next to one of the speakers . I was watching a tall man , who was bouncing back and forth between two groups . When I saw the odd person , he looked in my direction . We stared at each other for a moment . Then he walked right toward us . I tapped Steopa on his arm . The man made it up to us before we had a chance to leave . He hurried away . We followed him . But by the time we had turned the corner , he was gone . Steopa jumped to the roofs to look for him , but Traveler was gone . There was nothing else to do a few nights ago . So we went back to our place . Steopa was practicing his fencing . I was at the computer talking to Baldman . A normal night . Then I heard another strange noise . This one sounded like a high pitch whir . Steopa stopped his fencing . We looked at each other . The whir lasted for a long time . Steopa hung up his sword . He walked into our bedroom . I had to shut my chat off with Baldman . The whirring continued for a long time . I heard Steopa hit the wall in our bedroom . It stopped . Steopa picked up his rapier and started to practice again . I went into our bedroom . I could see where Steopa had hit the wall , the steel had buckled . I went back out to the other room . Steopa kept practicing . If you think all the vampires are slim , beautiful beings , you are wrong . We look like everyone else . How else do you think some of us get so close ? One of Steopa 's friends is another heavy vampire , Jeremiah . Steopa won 't say much about where they met . But Jeremiah doesn 't seem like a vampire . He 's heavy like me . He has a buzz cut . Not your typical vampire , right . If you meet him on the street , you would probably not pay any attention to him . And thats how he gets you . Steopa and I went with him one night . He goes to this truck stop most of the time . And like Steopa , he can eat some food . So we are at the table , Jeremiah is eating pancakes with no syrup . Steopa and I only have water . But the waitress doesn 't seemed to curious about it . About an hour later we are walking through the parking area with all the large semis . This big guy comes out of his rig , he 's got a prostitute with him . And he isn 't being nice . I wanted to go in and take the guy out myself , but Jeremiah shakes his head . The Burgundy Rathskeller had been built in on of the largest slaughterhouses that lined the river in the old factory section of the city . Lorelei says she picked that building because at that time the city was almost giving the building away . They wanted that area redeveloped . It worked , now it is one of the best places to hang out at night . Not just at the Rathskeller . If you back up to when it was a slaughterhouse . That is where the first haunting stories come from . According to Vincent , who had worked there , it was a 24 hour work place . Thousands of cattle and pigs would come through the doors . It was constantly moving . The stench was horrendous . And people disappeared . I am sure some got sick of it and left . But there are other creepier stories . The most famous one is the one about Jonnie . Jonnie had just married . He was a hard worker , and it looked like he was on his way to become a foreman . Then one day , during a lunch break , he told some of his workers he had to check one of the ditches , it was backing up . He wasn 't seen after that . But a couple people swore they heard him screaming for a few days after is disappearance . A month later , one of the workers ran out of the factory with a bloody face , screaming that Jonnnie had attacked him . He was sighted multiple times over the next year . Each time he would attack someone . Everyone of them were injured . Some stories say that a few of the ones that were attacked disappeared after the injury . Where the Rathskeller is , was the lower part of the killing floor . According to some people that work there , they have seen ghosts of the animals that were killed there . I never did . Andi swore one night as she was putting the beer away something came behind her and snorted in her ear . I have to back up a bit and explain . When we don 't want to be seen , we can shield ourselves from you . It looks like shadows come and cover us . If we are standing in a shadow , you won 't see us at all . Thats what we were doing . I had my prey in sight . This skinny pan handler that was always hanging around a bookstore downtown . This night , she was getting pushy . She would block people from leaving the store . The store personnel would come and chase her away . She would come back . Her shroud was so dark , that it was like she was in the shadows as well . What 's a shroud ? Have you ever seen the photos taken of people 's auras ? That is what it looks like . Everyone has one . They can vary in color from bright pink to dark black . The darker , the better . A person with a black shroud wants to die . They might not be suicidal . There is a difference between suicidal and wanting to die . A person that wants to die , invites death into their life . They might be living a lifestyle that will kill them . They might do things that are dangerous , so they take the risk of dying . Of course , some suicidal persons , really want to die . So I am watching this pan handler . She is in a black shroud . I am in my shadow . I am waiting for the right time to strike . And then it happened . This thing came out of the alley . It rushed by me . If felt the wind as it went past . It stood next to the pan handler . I would have not seen it , except my fangs grew . She walked away from the door . That shadow thing followed her . Have you ever seen animations on how some micro organisms eat their food . They surround the prey and absorb it . That is what this thing did . The black fog swirled around her . Then it dissipated like the wind blew it away . She was gone . I am not kidding . Only her clothes remained . I didn 't even smell blood . I had to get out of there . I was freaked out , not since I walked in on Vincent , have I been so freaked out . Greenwoods is a large expanse of protected woods on the eastern side of Deerbow City . A wonderful place if you ever visit . You can hike , walk , and run during the summer and in the winter cross country ski . Considering that this was part of the city in the 1800 's the woods have grown back very nicely . In case you don 't know the history of Deerbow City . It was made by the lumber and meat packing barons . Greenwoods was supposed to be their wonderfully planned community . They hired some of the top architects to plan out streets and neighborhoods . One place was built , then nothing . The lumber barons moved in to clear out the lumber . See that was the last deal . They would get the timber as the land was cleared . They wanted the wood no matter what . But that never happened . The logging started . Got stopped . Started again . There were accidents and murders . The logging companies finally stopped all together . The stories started when the logging companies moved in . Remember I said accidents and murder . Well one of the companies , Strake and Thorson , they were starting to cut down the woods across the river from the University . One of the foremen got into a fight with one of the workers . The worker returned that night and killed the foremen . Since then people say the foreman 's ghost haunts the woods . One of the recent ones , is a bit odd . The university students go to Greenwoods a lot . One of the trails is maintained by the cross country team . The rumor is that along that path , there is a man that lives there . Apparently , a lot of the women that use that trail have met him . He must be a charmer , because the stories end with them having sex with him . The odd part about that story is that Andi , the waitress at the Rathskeller told me that she had two room mates that swear it happened to them . There is the missing village as well . It was the only part of the development I talked about before that had been completed . It was used by Strake and Thorson to house their workers . You can find pictures of it as recently as 1965 . But then it disappeared . No one has been able to find it since then . There is this 6th or maybe 7th sense that vampires have . We can tell if another vampire is near by . We can tell if someone is not human . When ever I look at Swen I get a head ache . So when this guy walked into the Rathskeller last night . Something was up . First , Swen stopped him . I couldn 't see why . He wasn 't threatening in any way . I really don 't remember what he looked like , except he was dressed like Peter Cushing in a Hammer film , not out of place for the club . Then he comes inside . He sits down at the far table , so his back is against the corner . It 's at this point Steopa starts to watch him . I know something is weird , but I can 't place it . I asked Steopa . " What is it ? " The guy sits there for a while , then Andi comes over and takes his order . She walks by us and gives me this strange look . I force myself not to watch that guy . He wasn 't doing anything . So why did it bother me ? Andi gives the guy his drink . He sips it . Then I see it . His pocket watch . When I look at Swen its like I can 't focus . This pocket watch makes my fangs grow . He doesn 't do anything all evening , but drink his drink . Tips Andi and leaves . But that damn watch bugged me . I had to cover my face talking to Baldman last night . I didn 't want to laugh on camera . I didn 't want to offend him . He 's told me about these things before . According to him , they live among us . There are some people that believe they live underground and actually control the governments . Baldman argues that there is no way they could control the governments , because we have a small group of people that already do that . Then he tells me that the reptiles are here to make sure we mess up the planet . They want it for who they work for . They are like corporate spies . They want us to sabotage our world . They want it hot . Because then the ones that are paying them , will come and take it over . No need for invasion . We will be too sick to fight back . He wasn 't a rich dad . He was always in some sort of trouble . Nothing that would land him in jail , although there were a few close calls . But he made sure John , my brother , and I always were taken care of . If anyone bullied us , he was down at the school the next day raising hell . If he knew the parents of the kid , he would be at their door . A few of those meetings ended up in fights . The biggest thing I loved about him . And what I miss . Is how no matter how much we screwed up , or how much damage we did ( like when we decided to help him paint the house ) , after we were punished . He would make us sundaes , and talk to us over vanilla and chocolate . You almost looked forward to a time out , when you knew sometime later , you would have ice cream . He looked after us more than my mother did . She was always on him to get a better job , to work harder . He was satisfied that he had food on the table and a roof over our heads . We got our clothes at the goodwill , and we never felt poor . Until after he died and mom got weird . Yes , we can wake up during the day . It not a sleep like you are used to . It 's more like your body shuts down , but you are still aware of things around you . So if someone was to get into our lair , we would be on the attack before they had a chance to harm us . Those scenes in the movies where the vampire sleep and they can stake them , don 't happen . Steopa assured me the ones he saw , the hunters needed a team to hold the vampire down . Anyway . I was in my stupor . Steopa beside me . I heard this noise . Like clanging . At first I thought it was someone working in the maintenance room above us . Then I realize the sound is not coming from the parking garage , but behind the wall . I fully wake up . I moved Steopa 's hand off my chest and sat up . There were no sounds for a long time . He shook his head . I laid down after a while . The stupor would come . It had sounded like the noise had come from below us . He has a lot of money . He lives in the old rich part of the town . His mansion is the real deal , not those Mcmansions . Every time I go there , I feel like I am in England . He doesn 't talk much . When he does , he sounds like a school teacher . This is what I know . I know he had been in India . He has some antiques in his house that would make the guys from Antique Roadshow have heart attacks . Most of them were from when he served in the army as a doctor . He married a Hindu woman . I have seen the photo from their wedding . They looked happy . I don 't know how he ended up in Deerbow City . I have figured out that he had a home and lands in England , but why he left there and came here ? I don 't know . Steopa says he was one of the first vampires he met when he took over his territory . But Odgen left Steopa alone . They didn 't cross paths again until I turned , and then Ogden has been in our lives since then . He knows magic . I am not talking about " watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat " type . I mean real magic . The kind that you can only achieve in movies with special effects . If you think we pick our prey out at random , you are wrong . Some humans think that vampires pick only criminals to feed off of , some think only certain types of women or men . That is all rubbish . Steopa says were are predators . And like predators , we weed out the sick and weak . But we don 't have to chase anyone across the veld to figure out who would be a good meal for the night . The main thing to keep in mind is that we Do Not Need to Kill . We need a little blood . If we are in a situation were we will need a lot of blood , then we might kill . It 's not a necessary step for feeding . But mistakes can be made . So when we hunt we look for the shroud . The shroud is an aura that covers all humans . When a vampire looks at you , they see this slight color that surrounds your body . We look for the dark colors . If the shroud is black , that person wants to die . A person with a dark shroud is less likely to fight back and less likely to talk about their experience . Some shrouds are pretty . Young children can be surrounded in rainbows . The saddest thing to see is a child with a black shroud . Steopa and me don 't touch children . We both agree that there is no need to attack a child . So if we find someone with the right color shroud . We will follow them until they are alone . Then feed off them quickly . The entire feeding takes a couple of minutes . When we are done , the person is usually in shock . Steopa and me take their money . When the shock wears off they convince themselves that they were mugged . Don 't believe me ? We don 't have to feed every night . We don 't always fight . There are long stretches of nothing . So what do we do . Same thing you do . There is housework . I can hear you laughing . But there is . Dust is horrible . Especially where Steopa and I live . Once a week we are dusting and scraping the wax off the tables . Although less wax now that I have run the electric to our place . And we can use a vacuum . Now you can laugh . Watching Steopa vacuum is worth a giggle . We have to go to the laundry mats . Clothes get dirty . The movies and some of the books make it seem like we only wear one outfit , but that 's not true . Steopa has two wardrobes full of clothes . I am getting a collection too . In fact I care more about how I look now , than when I was alive . How do we pay for the laundry ? We take the cash off our victims . I know that sounds horrible . But the main reason is , to make it look like a mugging . We don 't have to kill . We can . But most of the time , we drink , knock the person out , and take their money . I sometimes take jewelry . Steopa thinks it 's a stupid idea . But there are pawn shops that never ask where you get anything . As you can see , I am on the computer . So that is something else I have to pay for . Thank goodness for prepaid credit cards and cell phones . One thing I had to get use to was what happens when we sleep . Which is another reason we have to use the laundry mats . We don 't go to the bathroom . And some of us ( Steopa ) like to drink and eat some human foods . We still have to get rid of the waste . It comes off in a powder that covers the skin . When we wake up , the dust gets all over the bedding . It 's not really gross . But , once a week , we have to wash our bedding . So if there is no housework , or we aren 't hunting . What do we do ? Visit Teodor , go to late shows at theaters , hang out at the Rathskeller . But in the late night , early morning . There is nothing to do . That is when we go home . And currently , Steopa is teaching me Russian , which is an up hill battle . Deerbow has its own Area 51 . Have you heard of it ? The secret underground base that was set up after WWII ? If you grew up in Deerbow , you heard of it . For those of you that haven 't , a little background . There are a lot of stories about the base . Here are some of the similar parts of the stories . It was built sometime after of just at the end of WWII . They built it underground because they did not want the public to wonder why a big base was going up in Deerbow . The part of town it was in ( Konakove ) had a major building boom at that time . A lot of buildings went up , but stayed empty . It is said that was to hide the building of the base . No one really knows what they did there . On story is that it was a base that had scientist from Nazi Germany working there . With the amount of Germans that lived in Konakove at the time , it would be possible to hide them there . Another theory is that is was a place where they actually sent the saucers from Rosewell . That it is really Area 51 . Is there any proof of the base ? Sometimes you will get a person that says they have documents or the like that support there was something going on there . Most of them end up being forged , or unusable . There are the stories , there are so many stories . One of the ones that I always thought was possible was the mysterious explosion in 1967 . A three block area of Konakove had been blow apart . The official explanation , gas line exploded . Only seven people died . Most of the buildings that were destroyed were empty , or closed for the day . That part of the city was rebuilt in a few years . There are some people that think the base had been destroyed that night . That something they were working one backfired . What were they working on ? Everything from a fighter jet to UFOs ; from atomic bombs to alien energy weapons . Yes , there are werewolves . No , we don 't fight them . In fact , Steopa and I will be attending a wedding of two of them soon . We already seen the changing ceremony . The wedding is only for show . Steopa 's friend Teodor is a neat guy . He is the werewolf . He looks like he is in his mid twenties . From what I can figure is that he has to be at least 90 years old . Steopa and him don 't talk much about how they met , but I know it happened during WWII . Somehow Teodor ended up in Russia . He is from Spain . One of these days , I have to find out how . Personally , I like the werewolves . They have such a close family . Every time we go to his house , it 's like how I remember family life before the hell started . The kids respect their dad . But all of them joke around . It 's always a mad house . Two of his sons are in college . His daughter works two jobs . His other two sons work and plan to have their own business . Yet , when all of them get together , you can see how much they miss each other . Steopa is like an uncle to the kids . They treat him like that . The night Nick handed Steopa a beer , was hilarious . Steopa chased him down the street . I hadn 't laughed like that in a long time . Sometime in the 80 's Teodor 's wife died . Steopa won 't tell me about it and Teodor changes the subject . My friend Andi , who 's marrying Chuck , one of Teodor 's sons , told me that it was horrible . So I have not pushed . Humans have the wrong idea about werewolves . Or maybe it 's just Teodor 's pack . But they don 't hunt humans . He gets his meat the same place you do , the grocery store . His kids have dated humans . They do have to keep their eating habits a secret . Eating raw meat in front of people can gross people out . Steopa and I get looks because we are so close ! I am still friends with Vincent , and Ogden , I 'm still not sure about him . But the point is , we get along , but if we had to be around each other all the time . We would have it out . It 's like sticking two cats together that are used to being the top cat . They are going to fight , hiss , and attack each other . Then they will tolerate the other presence . That 's the best way to describe vampires behaving around each other . One of my hobbies I enjoyed as a human , and still do . . Hacking . Yeah I like to break into servers and mess around with the data . I don 't steal anything . I like to see if I can get to the information . And I have found out some stuff . You would think that when companies have stuff on secured servers they are hiding stuff . Actually most of it is benign stuff . Anyway . One of the first hackers I met , that I can call a friend . I know him as Baldman . I know he has other aliases . But he is my go to guy if I get stuck . He would scare me , because I know he has gotten into a few places that I would never had tried . He knows about about a lot of things , unfortunately I think most of it is crap . He 's a conspiracy theory nut . He doesn 't believe the stuff like the Earth is flat , or that we did not go to the moon . He does have some weird theories about who actually runs the planet . He thinks that most of the counties are not separate , that they are all part of a world government . He does get mad when someone tries to claim that 9 / 11 was a set up . So mad I think he was actually there . I will not tell him what happened to me . He doesn 't need to know that I am a vampire . Can you imagine giving him proof that vampires exist , what he would do ? He is a good friend . He understood what was going on with me before I changed . When my medicine was held back in production , he found another source for me . He has connections . He won 't talk about them , but I know he knows some powerful people . You 've seen him . If you ever go to the Burgundy Rathskeller , you have seen him . The unofficial host of the club . Usually dressed in an outrageous costume . I think his favorite now is an undertaker outfit with a bright purple bow . He always has at least one woman on his arm . People are so convinced that he is playing the part of a vampyre , that he has smiled , with his fangs exposed and no one freaks out . I did . But then I walked in on him feeding . Seeing a vampire feed is not what it looks like in the movies . It 's not a kiss . When I was shoved into his private room and he had his fangs in that woman 's neck . There was no doubt what he was doing . He raised his hand . At the time I thought I was going to be killed . He told me later , he was motioning me to stop and wait . Minutes later he found where I had ran to and talked to me . I had liked Vincent before . I have to admit now , I had a little crush on him . Whenever I had a bad night , he would be there to pick my spirits up . And he 's cute too . But when I found out the truth I was freaked . Back then , I freaked out about a lot of things . So I did know a vampire before I became one . After Steopa bit me , Vincent was there . He stayed by my side and helped me through a couple of things . Not because I was under his care . You know , that stupid idea that some humans have that there are vampire covens . He did it because we were friends . We still are . One thing we share , is that he can talk to me via my mind . The weird thing was when I was human , he would try to straighten my head out and I would push him away . No human ever had done that before . When I was bleeding from Steopa 's bite . He calmed me down , talking to me in my mind . Since then , if we need to get a hold of each other . We can . Not every vampire has the same gifts . I can 't rearrange someones memories , like he can . But then he can 't do what I can . Apparently , not many vampires can . His new gift is cool too . I have to admit I am a bit jealous . You would think that because I am a vampire , I sleep in a coffin . I don 't . Actually I never was buried . Legally , I am still alive . Steopa lives in an underground vault . I think it 's a bank vault . Above us is a parking garage . So I think there had been a bank here at one time , and it got demolished , but they forgot about the vault . Its perfect for us . Its underground . We can lock it from the inside . There is no way sunlight can find us . And the urban spelunkers that explore the tunnels ( if they find them ) can 't enter our place . We have two rooms , both of them are vaults . One room Steopa has made into a living room . Books , chairs , candles and now my computer stuff fill the room . His swords hang from every wall . It is actually a nice room . If it wasn 't for the steel walls , it would feel like a fancy sitting room . The other is our bedroom . We have an actual bed . I don 't know how Steopa got the large four poster oak bed into the vault . The thing is massive . Of course it had to be big enough for him . He has lined the walls with standing wardrobes . My name is Rebecka Saberhagen . Some might know my handle SaberDragon . I can 't say much more . That sounds so bad . But I don 't know how to describe what is goes on in my life . I live with my . . . How do I explain Steopa ? Boyfriend ? No . Lover ? Impossible . Friend ? Yes , but deeper than that . He calls it linked . I think that is the best way to say it . We are linked . Which means we are always in each other thoughts . Not like we are always thinking of each other . I mean we can always sense where the other is . Steopa is wonderful and I know people look at us odd . I don 't blame them . I 'm cubby . Not short , but anyone standing next to Steopa will look short . He is 7 feet tall . So if you see a really big guy walking with a chubby , curly haired girl , you might have seen us . I know we are an odd couple , but I don 't care . I have a brother . He owns a tattoo shop and some of the time , he DJ 's at a club called Burgunday Rathskeller . That club down at the old warehouse district . His girlfriend , Lorelei , bartends there . I used to work there too , but after meeting Steopa . I don 't need to . |
Well , I wasn 't ready to look for another job just yet . I wanted to take some time off - maybe a week - and then start looking . Besides , my cousin Greg was having a party at his house on Saturday , and I * was * going to miss it - I forgot how this went exactly , but I think Detroit called me because she was home . She was home because right before Labor Day she had a dispute with her boss and was fired after the fact . It was kind of shitty how that went down , and she is in the process of an appeal so she can at least collect unemployment . Well , that was interesting . As part of the agreement in the sale , Bob or Marsha was going to work about two hours a day for two weeks with the new owner , showing him how things worked . They were about two days into the new ownership running things when I got the call . Bob said that the new owner , Henry , could probably use some help after all . No coincidence , I imagine , that this was Friday , after the big A - B delivery . " Why don 't you come in and talk to him ? I can 't understand him too well , but you can work something out with him . " Henry is the new owner . I have no idea how short he is , but man , this fucker is small . I would guess he is just under five feet tall . Maybe that 's normal for a Vietnamese dude . Bob was still there too , which helped . After the odd introductions , Henry beckoned me to the back of the store , and we stepped outside the back door . He was hard to understand at first - Good thinking , Bob . I was never much for negotiation . They had paid me eight bucks an hour . Not great , but considering I didn 't have to work very hard , I was down with it . Eight bucks an hour on a paycheck , you don 't get all of it . Most , but not all . It came out to about 6 . 75 an hour net . So nine would have been a little more . But nine in cash ? Unless my math is whacked out , to net 9 an hour my gross would have had to be close to 12 bucks an hour on a check , maybe more . That ain 't bad at all for a PTJ . I would work that very night - I was ready - have Saturday off because I already had plans , and work Sunday night . The rest would come later . Okay . Well , the way it worked with Henry was not the way it worked with the Beckers . I told myself it was because it was new to him and it was his store and he wanted to immerse himself in it , but there was never the thing where I came in and he would leave . No , he stayed . All the time he stayed . God . ALL THE TIME . When he first hired me , he said , " I not your boss , okay ? I friend . You , me , friend . Okay . You help me , okay , I help you . " I helped him with the register , and with things on the computer . I helped him communicate with customers , too . Often I would be in the cooler , and he would come and get me . " Y - an - you help dem , okay . " That 's how he said my name . No B , and definitely no r . My name started with a Y . Y - an . The next week , I worked Thursday , Friday , and Saturday . Off Sunday . Thursday , I noticed that the cooler was not as cool as it should be . " It okay . Bob take care . " " Aye - yi - yi , " Henry said . As part of the sale , Bob was having some work done to the cooler . I never got the straight scoop from Bob and I couldn 't understand Henry , but it sounded like while Bob 's guy was here fixing one thing , another thing broke . The compressor up on the roof . When I came in on Friday , Henry said it was fix , but it no fix . He said , " Man say it take while to cool . It fix , though . " Henry … didn 't believe me . Here 's the thing about Henry . He seems to be a pretty smart guy . The language barrier is more than I would be able to get past , for one thing . And despite that he picked up on things pretty well , and learned quickly . But he didn 't believe that I was smart enough to know anything . Never mind that I 've been a restaurant manager for twenty years and have always had to deal with equipment like this , and never mind that I am actually a smart motherfucker . I couldn 't convey my knowledge or experience to him because he was too stubborn to listen , and despite his pledge that " we friend , okay ? " I was just a grunt to him . I did , but but later , when I tried to convince Henry that he could go home , I would take care of things , he needed to be up early , he wouldn 't budge . He wouldn 't say why he wouldn 't go home , but he definitely wouldn 't say that he didn 't trust this gringo with his money and his store . Whatever . I came in Saturday night , and it was all still warm . Fuck . What the fuck ? Henry at least had had the foresight ( or hindsight , considering the fact that it had been two days already ) to clear out the bottom of the wine cooler and put some beer in there . Plus , he had two display ice coolers filled with ice and tallboys and single sodas in the middle of the aisle . The deal was , the compressor on the roof was indeed out . There is no getting one on a Saturday , apparently . It was going to be like this through Monday . To make things better , there was no internet service . The name and ownership was switched over , and AT & T couldn 't ( or wouldn 't ) switch it over until Monday . So it was cash only and warm beer . Add a horse and wagon and we 're back in the dark ages . Sales were really , really slow now . First someone would come in for some beer . Sorry , no cold beer . That 's okay , they 'll take a warm 30 pack and chill it . Great . Then they get to the counter . Sorry , no cledit card . In between that , I re - arranged the wine cooler where he had beer . I took out some of the crap he had in there , because he has no idea what sells and what doesn 't , and I put in the popular stuff , stacked it neater , and got more in there . Every time somebody took some , I waited to see if they were actually going to buy it , then I would replace it , to always have some cold and some chilling down . After that , I went in the cooler and worked up a sweat . It was warm in there , and stuffy and stale smelling . But damn me and my ADD medication , I needed something to do . I pulled all the shelves away from the cooler doors , one by one , swept , deck scrubbed , and mopped . Some of that crusty shit had been there for 20 years . At some point , some crusty old guy came in through the back door - he had been up on the roof . Henry wasn 't willing to believe the verdict of the guy who serviced the equipment and called someone else in . Old Crusty looked like a pirate in Mr Greenjean 's clothes . He started to explain what was going on to Henry , but when it was obvious there was no receiving of understanding , he turned to me and continued to rattle on . And on and on and on . He told me about shit for which I had no frame of reference , and even more shit that I cared not one bit about . At the very beginning I got all I needed from the conversation : Yes , Virginia , the compressor is out . It 's a cast - iron sonovabitch ( literally ) , built in 1978 . Those old compressors last a long time , but this one is shot for sure . Back in my day - Maybe it 's not Vietnamese people or maybe it is , and maybe this is an admirable trait . But I had to talk to Henry 's friend Tim on the phone . He 's Henry 's mentor in the business world , more or less . Henry had told him there 's no internet , so no credit card . Unacceptible . There has to be a way around it . He tries to explain to me his idea and he wants me to try it . Of course , I have a degree in computer networking , and when I finally understand his ridiculous premise , I know it won 't work . " Try it . " " It won 't work . " Luckily , after several minutes , I guess he believed that I was actually trying it while I was talking to him . But no , I wasn 't . If there is no internet connection through the modem , he wanted me to take the cord straight from the phone and hook it into the computer 's built in modem . I doubt it had it one , and I wasn 't going to pull it out to see . Even if it did , there is STILL NO SERVICE . There 's nothing to dial into . Being a dumbass about technology is universal , I guess . Whenever I would close , I would count the till , make a deposit , and put the deposit in an envelope and put it in the safe . Henry counted the money - slowly - while I waited . He calculated my pay , gave me cash - He waits until after I eat , then tells me that we should no eat up front where customer see . Eat only in back , okay ? Because there 's nothing to sit on . I figured that for a cultural thing - everyplace has different customs for eating . I couldn 't tell him that this is how we do it in America , even though it is . And when the Beckers owned it , we did it all the time - because we did . His place , his rules . But he no want me to smoke in front , okay ? It look bad , okay ? You go out back doo and smoke . He patted me on the back in a dismissive way . Of course we shouldn 't smoke out front . It 's not like this is a liquor store where people come in primarily for alcohol and cigarettes . I seldom smoked at work anyway . Now when I did , I would go out the van so I could sit down for a few minutes . Because , yeah , if I went out the back door , there is no sitting down . Eventually , Henry got to where he would trust me jus a riddle bit , and he go to store to buy some tings . He would tell me like it was a big deal . " I go now store . You take care here . You run ting , okay ? You be okay here , okay ? " The chance to work with the freedom of not being constantly watched was soothing to my jagged , ate - up soul . Then he would come back . We worked together putting the tings away , on shelf , and also entering the inventory into the computer - which I had to figure out how to do and then explain and show to him . About three weeks in , he finally decides that I can close by myself . Either that or he is drunk or tired . He would disappear for a few hours and I would have no idea where he was , but I learned later he was spending time at the bar . God , I hope he wasn 't singing karaoke . The following week I closed by myself on Thursday , and the money was short about 40 bucks . He didn 't come right out and accuse me , but he did say that I no have to do that . If I need hep , he hep me , no ploblem . He hep lif me up . Jus ask , okay ? Don 't take . Because here 's the thing : We never did a drawer change - out . We operated from one drawer all day . I never knew what he did all day , but it was perfectly legitimate for him to accuse me of stealing from him . But that night I did close . Because he disappeared again , for several hours . About 1030 I get a call from Henry . He say I close for him , okay ? I take care tings . Awright ? Saturday night he 's feeling better about it and so am I . The money had never been off like that with Becker 's ( without a reason ) . Saturday night he leaves about 9pm . Yeah . It 's after midnight . It 'll take him over half an hour to get there . And then we 'll spend a few hours of neither one of us being sharp , with him accusing me and me not being able to back up my defense . " No , Henry . You can come up here if you want . I 'm going home . I am tired . I will come up here tomorrow morning and we will work it out . " I came up Sunday , but not in the morning . We open at 11 , I got there about 1230 . Why am I in a hurry ? Is my insolence showing ? Bingo ! It 's exactly what I thought . Being born and raised in this country I could easily see what was perhaps a little to subtle for his suspicious eyes to see : When you do a cash payout properly , the number has parentheses around it , to indicate a negative number - a payout . The receipts that had a payout that did not have a negative number added up to 285 dollars . Now , if you were good at math , you would know that that is twice the amount we need , and the money is still probably off for some other reason . But it was enough to clear my name , if I could get him to listen . I went next door and got the young Vietnamese dude that ran the nail salon . He spoke better English . " Hey , can you help me out here a minute ? " I explained it briefly , and he got it . " Can you explain it to Henry for me ? He doesn 't get . He just made a mistake , but he 's blaming me for cash missing . " It was another week before I would close without being babysat again , and only once . Even though we worked things out , there was a strain , and he was different after this . He did buy be some Chinese food ; perhaps that was his way of apologizing . We sat in the back of the store , which is a very small room , and managed to not look at each other while we ate . Well , when he 's not there , after everything is done , I sit the fuck down . I don 't have to run around looking for things to do constantly . It 's a tiny hole in the wall fucking liquor store , not a nuclear submarine . Henry see that we no work all time . I found out he had a girl that worked with him during the day , when I showed him the camera set up . When it was slow , she would sit down as well . So what is the point of this ? He has us working even when it is slow and he stays and watches us to make sure we work all the time . It soon becomes obvious that is what he is doing , especially when he sits in the chair and closes his eyes because he is tired , because he is there all the time , but he won 't leave because he thinks we might not work our asses off if he isn 't there . And that part is true , but my feeling is that we don 't have to work our asses off , we just have to work . Am I wrong ? Well , maybe I am . On a very slow Thursday , it was obvious he wasn 't going to leave . If he isn 't , I am . But I asked him , when he was sitting down in the back on some boxes , obviously trying to get some rest . " Henry , it 's pretty slow tonight . You don 't have to stay . You can go home . " " Fuck it . " I turned and walked back to the front of the store . It is his store and he is the boss and the owner . But he is also a suspicious little turd . I 'm not going to keep working like this . I had already decided that I was not going to come in the next night . Friday , a busy night and we also get our delivery . Let him deal with it . Let him call me . I was already struggling with the whole thing - dammit , I need this job , but a shitty little job like this shouldn 't be so stressful . One said , " Hello , customer . how ma I help yuo ? " That 's his spelling . Below the monitor it said , " Thank you , customer sir . " Along the edge of the counter on our side were three or four little ones . " No facebook . " " No texting . " " Always be work . " " Pay attention . " I 've argued with him before about other things , so this was no different . Whatever . I went out to have a smoke , but I didn 't have a car here , so I went out front . But I didn 't sit in front of the liquor store , I went down by the bar and sat in front of the Subway , which was closed for the night . I think he saw it as an outright violation , if not at least a spiritual one . But he didn 't say anything about it . Still , I need to leave . I really need to leave . I didn 't have my phone , so I picked up the store phone to call Detroit . If she can get here early , I 'm out . Sarah , the girl that used to work there , came in about 11 and got some wine , and we chatted in American . I explained my problem with Henry . She totally got it , especially about someone being around all the time . To what purpose ? In fact , shortly after I took the job with him , we had talked . Of course Bob had offered her the job first - they had known her longer . She declined , seeing that it would be a fucked up work day in the rice patties for her . So they called an offered it to me . Yay , me . I finished cleaning everything up . I took the rugs out , swept and mopped , took out the trash , put the rugs back in , cleaned the glass . That 's it , that 's all there is to do . Then I just stand there , behind the counter . Just stand . Around 1130 , I called Detroit again . " I hope you are on your way . " She was . " I tried to call you earlier , to come right after class . " About a quarter till , Henry says to me , " Y - an , you give me you key , okay ? Doo key . " He motioned with his finger . I guess I 'm not closing any more . Fine . Bitch . I gave it back to him . He starts doing the money , and I 'm just waiting for Detroit to arrive . When she pulls up , he sees it . He pulls some money out of his pocket and hands it to me . He usually pays me at the end of the week . Saturday . Well , this must be the end of the week for me . I displayed no emotion . He didn 't say anything , and I didn 't either . I just walked out . I left Pizza Hut in March , I think . The anti - climax of all anticlimaxes , I just told them I couldn 't afford to drive to work , and then drive . Not for what gas prices were - and are still , even though they 've come down a bit , but not nearly enough . But maybe that 's a good place to stop the book , if I were writing one . Which I am . At least it 's a good demarcation . If I 'm not currently working in pizza , I can concentrate on going back and filling in the holes in my story . Sliding back and forth through time like Donnie Darko rattles the senses . I need to be firmly rooted … in the past . Speaking of the past , I have a new part time job . I work in a little mom - and - pop liquor store . It doesn 't pay much , but it 's not exceptionally demanding , either . And it reminds me of another job I had oh so long ago . Wait , let me get my time line right . In 83 I graduated , and went to college in the fall . In 84 I flunked out . In the fall of 84 we moved to St Louis . I think that 's when I got the job . There was this small chain of convenience stores in the area called " Majik Market . " The company is long gone , but many of the buildings are still around , still being used by Asians as convenience stores . The one I used to work at is actually an insurance office now . I was fairly new here , going to school , and wanted to have money of my own . My Aunt Gloria ( who passed away this last December ) was the one that gave me a line on this job . " Majik Market is hiring , " she said . " I talked to the manager up there . You should go apply . " Of course , I didn 't know the reason * why * they were hiring . At the store on Bellefontaine Road just a few weeks ago , the young woman working the register was shot in the face and killed . It turned out that the robbery was supposed to be a setup between her and the robber , but he panicked . Or maybe they were dating . Either way , suddenly there were openings , and not just there . A few people got cold feet and quit . Enter me : bright - eyed , bushy - tailed , and gullible as shit . Him : Good . Okay . You need to call this number and set up a time to go to this address for a lie detector test . Once that 's taken care of , we 'll call when we 're going to have you start . I didn 't have an interview . I had a lie detector test . They may or may not have been illegal then , but they definitely are now , as a condition of employment . The place was somewhere near the Arena , which isn 't there anymore . It was late November , and we had a good snow … like 10 inches . I didn 't let a little thing like that stop me ; I made it to my test . When they do a lie detector test , there is a pre - interview , where they screen some information in order to set up the questions they are going to ask . That 's where I lied my balls off . No , I don 't smoke pot . No , I 've never been arrested . Yes , I promise not to masturbate in the bathroom on the overnight shift . So I got the job . I wasn 't going to work at the one on Bellefontaine , but rather the one nearer to my house . The current staff was the manager - some 60 - year old woman , and two other guys . The black guy worked mostly 3rds and a few second shifts . Let 's call him Ron . The other guy was a middle - aged white dude . Ken . He was skinny and nerdy , and had a chip on his shoulder . He had been promoted to " assistant manager . " With four people , I 'm not sure what that means . We all worked by ourselves . When I was there at 3am , I might as well have been the fucking manager . This was my first job that didn 't involve bales of hay or fields of beans . I figured out how to do it - I 'm pretty smart - but there was no motivation to work very hard . I usually had several hours in the middle of the night to do nothing whatsoever . Not bad for 2 . 85 an hour . We hired another guy after that who was about my age , but he didn 't last very long . He was there long enough to cover for me ( kinda ) when I was going to a concert . I still had to come in , but I could be an hour or so late . Of course , this was Bruce Springsteen , the Born in the USA tour . We had to leave before the show was over because he plays so goddamn long . I 've only left one other concert early . I had this other thing going on that was a minor inconvenience , and I didn 't wonder until much later if it was the cause of other problems . These two dudes I sort of knew would come up there and hang out - just hang out - in the middle of the night . Like after 1 am until about 2 or 3 . My friends at the time revolved around my cousins and their friends , and these guys were friends of * those * friends . So it wasn 't even a direct relationship . They would come up and hang out and try to mooch shit for free off of me . At first I did let them have some shit , but if you give an inch , they want a sixpack . I had to start saying no and being a dick about it . We would get high up there , too . I think they were just helping me smoke * my * weed . What the fuck ? Late at night when no one is around it does get boring and a little lonely . But after a while , I craved to be alone . They were pests . Of course you have some regulars . I learned the hard way that I actually do need to make fresh coffee before 5am , or I have a bunch of pissed off people . There were also some Section - 8 ghetto apartments behind us , so I had people trying to use food stamps for shit you can 't get with food stamps - but they have to try it on the new guy . My worst times there were the holidays , and I had nightmares about it for a while after that . We didn 't even HAVE gas pumps , but in my dreams we did . Thanksgiving was a taste of what Christmas and New Years ' was going to be like . Remember , this is the mid - 80s , and there were not as many convenience stores around then . And none whatsoever near us . You decide on Thanksgiving morning you need milk and eggs ? Yeah , so did 140 other assholes in the last hour . We - or I - got screwed on the holidays . Thanksgiving was a holiday , but not until 7am that morning . Working from 11pm the night before until then doesn 't count . But don 't worry : everyone has to come in and work about 4 hours so that it 's " fair " and so that everyone gets some home time . I got off at 7am , and then come back and work from 2pm to 6pm . That was time and half , that four hours . If only I could come back again that night - but no , somebody else got the night of the holiday , with the holiday pay . Here it was towards the end of February . There was a crisis at the store . Also , there was a pretty rough snow storm . I think all this went down right around my birthday . When I showed up at 3 for second shift , Nancy said that there was a major shortage at the store . Not money , but product . Like ten grand worth . I think maybe they should count again . But I had to go down for another lie detector test - everyone did . Oh , crap . You know what ? I don 't think there was snow the first time . I think that was early November . No snow . But there was snow this time . I remember . This was the big snow . The next day I drive down , and it had started snowing . It was late morning . I get down there for the lie detector test , and the guy giving the test talks to me , so I have to fess up about something . You know , I 'm going to eat in the middle of the night . I told him that occasionally I would eat something , but that I kept a running total of it , and when I got paid I paid it back . I showed him the register tape , where I had about 14 dollars worth of stuff on it . He was totally fine with that , and we did the test . Uh , sure . Okay . I hadn 't done anything else wrong . This seemed minor , but I was taking care of it . I went back - I actually had to work that night - I got a money order and I went into to work at 3pm . Long about 1030 , I get a call from Ron . I don 't know where he lives , no idea - but he says he can 't make it in . There is 10 inches of snow , and it 's still falling . Okay . So I make the call I have to make . I guess I called Nancy , but after I told her what happened , Don the supervisor called me , so I could repeat the story for him . About 1130 , Don comes in . When the supervisor has to come in and work , it 's never a good thing . When they have to come in and work a third shift , I imagine they aren 't very happy . But he was the one who was going to relieve me . He said that Ron no longer worked for us . Don offered to get Ron a cab , and pay for it , to have him come in . I guess Ron refused this generous offer . Okay , then . So without Ron , I worked third shift . I worked ALL the third shifts . For two weeks straight I worked third shift and did not have a night off . That 14th morning , Nancy came in like always , but she was visibly upset . Why ? Well , she had to fire me . She got the call yesterday and was simply told to not put me on the schedule anymore . Why , she wanted to know . The fact that I took items without paying for them was theft , a violation of company policy , blah blah blah . At least I wasn 't responsible for the grand theft - which was still a mystery - and she was relieved about that because we were getting along in a friendly way . She was cute and I worked harder to try to please her . So , I violated company policy , and I had to be fired . But that came to light two weeks ago . Why wasn 't I fired then ? Am I bitter ? No . I was then . I 'm not now . I learned some things . Besides , I 'm still here , and I doubt Majik Market would turn up anything on a Google search . Which is the lesson to be learned here , kids . Don 't fuck with me . You 'll go out of business . |
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