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Corbette woke up to a horrible stench of beer and all things not natural . She glanced at the man sharing his bed with her , still stone drunk and snoring like an overgrown rhino . Sighing , she got up from bed and looked around for her clothes . The beast has thrown them under the bed , probably hoping that she wouldn 't find them anytime soon . Exasperated , Corbette rummaged under the creaking thing and proceeded to cover her naked body . She made herself coffee in the beast 's kitchen and excused herself out . She had got her money last night , so there was nothing left for her to wait about for . Her trade wasn 't borne out of patience ; it was to make herself available to the whims and fancies of all the drunks who roamed the sad parts of town in the death of night . She still dreamed of the good old days , when she had a house - on - wheels of her own , when she had a son of her own . That was 16 years ago , and since then fortune hadn 't favoured her . The great hurricane of 1996 had taken everything away from her except her son , and she had nothing for herself , let alone for her foetus that would need so much . Worse , she didn 't even know who the boy 's father was … Corbette couldn 't bear her son to grow up in such a sorry state . She was resigned to living a bad lifestyle , but she had always had high hopes for her son . Heartbroken , she couldn 't bear to see him grow up and struggle against a miserable world . So one non - descript Friday evening , she approached a young couple emerging from a cinema , and handed them her foetus , only murmuring that the boy 's name was Jacob . She was forced to let go of the last thing that was truly hers , and she had turned to the night streets for a means of survival . Jacob had tried so hard to protect Lucy . She was the one person in the world he couldn 't bear being dragged into this mess , as much as she was the only person alive he wanted right now by his side . But now that the anomaly had captured her , a strange kind of fury surrounded Jacob , supported by just a tinge of calm . He had already known that he couldn 't keep her safe from all this , that someday soon he would have to tell her the truth . But he had rather hoped that he could have done it himself , rather than some creature of the underground belting it out in rough cut words . He couldn 't bear the idea of losing Lucy after all that she had done for him . Had it not been for her , he would have lost hope long back . Smiling , he still remembered the last time he 'd met her . She had slapped him because she was exasperated with his depressing mood . Not the best send - off gift , but he treasured that memory . Slowly , he trudged up the last hill . He was getting close to the lair now , the place where it should all have ended , as it was the place where it started . Jacob had an eidetic memory of the most unusual sort , he remembered every single memory of his living life , right up to one month of his birth . He hadn 't really needed a map to guide him , he had the way laid out right there in his head . The gateway to a cave loomed in front of him . Ahead of here , there was no light of the sun , only the death cry of reaped souls to guide him . It was the closest thing to being Hell on Earth , just that Jacob couldn 't believe that Hell had this bad lighting . Ah well , he plunged into the darkness and was lost to the mortal world . Inside that cave lay his one love , along with the secrets to his birth , and to the death of Isabelle O ' Conner . Adrian carefully lifted the sword out of the box , knowing that even touching the blade would be a catastrophe for him and the house . It felt as if the sword was softly whispering to him , trying frantically to get out of his hands and drop to the floor . But Adrian was careful enough not to let that happen , he had seen how much the sword loved setting things ablaze . It was the summer of 1997 , a few months after Isabelle had passed away and the sword entered the house . Adrian wished to have no further role for it , and he had wanted to burn the ungodly thing with her corpse . But even after the last ashes had floated away , the sword had stuck around . Oh , it was set ablaze to all hell glory , but not a single mark was left behind on the jewels or the handle of such magnificent steel . It had entered the mortal world for a purpose , and it wasn 't going to give up so easily . One night , when 2 - year old Jacob had been laid in bed and was fast asleep in his cot , Adrian took it out by the fireplace to have a closer look at it . Even in his hands , it just felt wrong , like it was yearning to prise itself free from him . The fire burnt low , and Adrian didn 't really feel man enough to get up and find the poker . He just lazily brushed aside the logs with the long tip of the sword , but it wasn 't an occurrence he was going to forget anytime soon … The sword was set ablaze again , and it nearly burnt his hand off . The fire rose to at least a meter high , and would have set the carpet ablaze had it not been taken away because young Jacob had urinated on it that day . Adrian fell away from the fireplace , and couldn 't move a muscle till the fire subsided to its normal self . Slowly , he crept towards the ancient weapon , and picked it up . Words had appeared on the blade , words that looked like they had been burned onto the magnificent steel . They weren 't words he was going to forget anytime soon , for they were the last words Isabelle had ever spoken before him . " Bon Appétit , Jacob needs his beauty sleep . " This was 13 years ago now , and Adrian would have happily left it all in the past had all this not happened . He had promptly sealed the weapon in a box filled with hay , and hidden it in a secluded corner of the attic . How it had moved by itself diagonally across the room only God knew , but then , God didn 't seem quite willing to give him support here , was he ? The sword wasn 't his , nor was it his mother 's . It had only shown those words because they were spoken at the last by the mother of the prodigy , but she wasn 't the prodigy . There was something queer about Jacob and how things always seemed to be … . different … around him . It was as if his presence itself bended the very will of nature , and caused ungodly things to happen . It was as if his just being born had caused a disturbance in the force , a disbalance that nature was struggling to overcome . But whatever it was , Adrian somehow knew that it was only the sword which could help Jacob wherever he had gone . But how he would get it to him , of that he had no idea . Meanwhile , dark forces stirred around Jacob , as he tried to sleep among all those marshes . He shifted uncomfortably ; there wasn 't an inch of dry space in those dark and damp areas of the living Earth . But journey through them was imperative ; there was no other way around to get to the Doors of Haein . Wishfully thinking of his mother , Jacob slept off among the reeds and other slimy plants that served as his pillow . But sleeping off didn 't mean that he got any peace . Dreamland is another dimension altogether , and one can easily get lost in them . Jacob had long since learned that his dreams weren 't just illusions , they were showing him the future . A figure made his way through the tunnel , stumbling over the uneven rocky surface and bouncing off the balls . The tunnel opened out into a huge chasm , and the path suddenly stopped in the centre . The figure hurried over to the edge and kneeled , waiting for the words that he knew was coming . " No , my Lord . She refuses to divulge any of her past whatsoever , and all attempts to get into her mind were futile . It 's as if the boy 's power itself is shielding her mind , protecting it from us . " Jacob slowly made his way through the shallow marshes , which seemed to be even slimier than the villagers had told him . He nearly went down once when his foot slipped off the path and went into the water . Fortunately , he reached out and grabbed hold of a tree - root just in time and pulled himself up . His jeans were ruined , but he wasn 't going to visit the drycleaners anytime soon anyway … Jacob studied the map in his hand . It seemed pretty straightforward , telling him to go straight through the marsh , and whatever happens , never ever stray from the path . As long as he could tell , he was still on the right track , but with the sun setting down , he couldn 't stay out in the open much longer . Best to pitch his tent on the side of the track and wait until daybreak . The area around him wasn 't renowned for much wildlife , but then again , it was renowned for being the most haunted place on the dying Earth . As Jacob sat there unpacking the kettle , flashes of his memory passed through him . The only thing he remembered about his mother was her in the kitchen , ferociously working the roller and moving pans in and out from the oven . She used to give him a nibble or two of her muffins sometimes , but not much , because his teeth hadn 't grown by that time . He remembered the delicious smell that came from her and her apron , but beyond that , his memory of his mother was a complete blur . It felt exasperating , not having any solid memory of her to hold on to . But Jacob did know one thing , and that was that his father loved Isabelle more than his life , and that Adrian was alive till now only because he had to care for her offspring . It killed him to see his father like this , and Jacob remembered the last time when he had brought up talk about his mother . His father had suddenly seemed to grow old before his eyes , and he firmly refused to discuss what had happened that fateful winter of 1997 . Thinking about all this , Jacob dozed off right there , with his head resting against an old tree - trunk , oblivious to the night - sounds and the dark forces which hovered around him . Adrian had never let slip details about Isabelle 's death , but the town - folk were always up for a meaty rumour or two . Talk spread around the town about the sheriff 's villa being haunted , that dark forces roamed the grounds when all but the mortal were in their beds . Adrian never denied these rumours , but he didn 't dare add to them by commenting himself . He wanted Jacob to grow up in a care - free environment , free from the inquisitive and forbidding eyes of the town folk . There wasn 't a single day when he didn 't miss his wife , not a single day when he didn 't think about Isabelle O ' Conner . They had both decided to take their relationship to the next level the year they graduated from the University of Casavania . Both of them were quite young when Jacob was born , Isabelle 22 and Adrian barely 23 years of age . Adrian was hoping that he would never have to see it again , but grudgingly , this wasn 't the time to let his fears rule over him . He climbed up to the attic and roamed his sight , looking for the box which he knew was there . He saw it by itself in a corner , away from the damp of the lake . That was queer ; he definitely remembered putting it with the rest of the stuff under the porthole window . Ah well , what was inside that box was nowhere close to normal anyway . Opening the box slowly , he felt the same awe that he had felt 15 years ago , when it had appeared in the house , lying across Isabelle 's corpse . The jewels hadn 't lost their glow even now , and the handle was still made of the most marvelous steel there could be in the world . The sword was still there , and its time had arrived . Adrian still remembered the first time he had set eyes on Jacob 's mother . Isabelle and he were fresh out of school and had both joined the local university . Looking at her , Adrian knew that he had found the one for him , not because she was blonde , but because she just was the one . He remembered their first date as if it was only yesterday . He had taken her up to the patio of their university one autumn evening , where his friends had gone out of their way to make it a great setting with candles and all . Every moment with her seemed like a moment lost , but he refused to believe that he had lost her for good . Her soul still rested in the house they had bought together off their meager income , the house Jacob and he were currently living in . . Her death shocked the entire town . Isabelle was well known in the locality for her marvelous muffins , which she catered out of the house . The circumstances of her death were never disclosed to the public , because Adrian wished some parts of her life to remain personal . He didn 't want it to become a witch 's tale , he wanted the town to always remember her as the young , sweet and selfless Isabelle she was . It was the year of 1997 , the 17th day of the month of December , Jacob 's second birthday . It was a particularly chilly winter that year , with the whole of Casavania snowed under . It was then that the strange things started happening around the house . Trees started uprooting themselves , the birds stopped flying down to their porch for the seeds Isabelle laid out for them , smoke could be seen coming out of the chimney without anyone lighting a fire underneath it . It seemed like a spirit had taken over the house , but it didn 't occur to anyone then that the young boy in the house was the one . Then , a week later , the thing happened . Adrian woke up to a sound downstairs at an ungodly hour , when all but the dead should have been sleeping . He got up to investigate , sure that it must have been yet another one of those infernal owls which haunted their roof . They were one of the drawbacks to the otherwise - perfect house . Adrian didn 't mind ; the local birdlife was pretty frequent in these parts , and you grew used to them after a while . As he walked down the stairs , Adrian looked out of the window and was struck at the beauty of the night . The moon was out in full glory , there was no breeze , no wind , and not a single thing moved . The moonlight glistened off the tree - tops , making them look as if they had been freshly washed . Adrian nearly went back to wake Isabelle up and share it with her , when the sound occurred again , but from the kitchen now . Adrian cursed himself for not having brought his revolver with him . He always had it on his person , and the one bloody time he did not , a burglar apparently has stolen into his kitchen . Well , he couldn 't go back now , the burglar would get away . Best to just startle the bloody person and give him a good solid thunk over the head with something . Adrian picked up the poker from the fireplace , and slowly made his way to the kitchen door and put his hand on the doorknob when all hell broke loose . A bright , yet completely black light glowed from the kitchen , and SOMETHING broke through the door . Adrian never got a look at the thing , before something slimy hit him from behind . As he went down , the only thing going through his mind was " Please not them " … Adrian never saw Isabelle after that night , except her corpse . The next morning when he went up to the room on regaining consciousness , he witnessed a scene straight from hell . The place had been ransacked and a dark circle been drawn around the bed on which young Jacob lay . There was no sign of his mother , and Adrian screamed aloud with agony . Her corpse reappeared on that exact bed a week later , but by then that room had been shut down , Adrian wishing to have no further use for it . There were no marks of external injury on her body , and the post - mortem didn 't reveal anything inside her either . It was as if something had passed through her , and she hadn 't survived it … Wincing , Adrian felt the small of his back where he still had the scar from that night . It refused to heal or go away , always staying there as the dark spot on his fair skin . It was as if something evil had touched him , but not penetrated through . He just wished that it had finished with him and not taken Isabelle . But then , he had to live for his boy and protect him . It was obvious now that there was something special about him , maybe even godly , but what it was eluded him . The only thing he could do was nurture him and show him the trades of the world , hoping that one day it would all become clear to him . But now , Jacob had disappeared too , but Adrian couldn 't bear to feel as useless all over again as on the night of Isabelle 's death . He understood that some dark force was acting on his family , but he couldn 't just bear to stand down and let everything around him pass him by . The fact that the anomaly had used ' IT ' for Jacob rather than referring to his boy as HIM and so a human being was strange , and may hold some clue . Whatever it was , Adrian couldn 't bear to let his one child go away , just like he could barely bear the death of his love . He had survived Isabelle being taken away just because he had her child to take care of , but not now . Now , something had to go , and it wouldn 't be his son . Jacob knew that the only way to get around it was to drive straight into it and not give a damn . After all , who in the world would suspect a 17 - year old guy driving a bicycle of the crime that he had just committed ? Sure , a lot of people would report that a young - ish blonde guy had been seen on the screen , but that description could quite easily be related to a hundred other teenagers in that small village of Casavania , a lot of whom would also have been present at that fair when he lighted the fire . He reached home and flung the keys on the dining - table . His father would find them there when he returned home after performing his duties as Sheriff at the scene . Jacob walked into his bedroom and yanked up the loose plank off the floor . His bag was already packed , waiting for him to make a quick get away from there and enter a place where no mortal man had ever set foot . He trudged down the stairs with a heavy heart . It 's not easy leaving behind a home where he had spent his entire life , the place he had lost his first tooth , won his first musical chairs . But he knew that it was the only way to finding redemption for what had happened to his mother , brutally killed 15 years ago in a case shrouded in mystery , and which the locals didn 't dare to talk about . But finally , after waiting his entire childhood in the same house by the lake , he trudged outside into the mist to follow up his latest lead , and wasn 't heard of again for the better part of a year … Jacob 's dad , Adrian reached home that night exhausted . It had been a long day ; what had looked like a pretty standard Annual parade at the funfair had turned into one of the biggest fires the town had ever seen . Fortunately , no one was hurt . Of course , Mrs . Flattherty had complained of chest burns and suffocation , but she seemed all right after the village doctor told her that she would need an injection . A couple of the younger lads had received 3rd degree fire burns trying to help evacuate the elderly , and young Nick Flanagas had broken his arm trying to pitch in by carrying a water bucket which was heavier than his old mum . Adrian smiled to himself ; that young kid certainly had a lot of pluck , just like his father . Expecting that Jacob would already have gone to bed , Adrian made himself a cup of tea and tried to reflect on the day 's proceedings . Some fool had strayed behind the Big Tent where the elephants usually sleep and tried to light a cigarette . It looked like he had dropped his lighter on the stack of hay used for the mammals ' food , and had high - tailed it out of there when he realized that he couldn 't control the ensuing blaze . Thank heavens that the army guys had come over for a night out ; without their help and muscle , the damage could have been a lot more . Adrian sighed and put his feet up on his table . It was going to be a long day tomorrow , what with the press conference and then having to write out a proper report for the Superintendent . The fire was going to be plastered on the front page of every newspaper in the district by dawn tomorrow morning , and the Superintendent didn 't take lightly of being shown up as an incompetent in his own jurisdiction . Stubbing out his cigarette , Adrian decided to call it a day . His body wasn 't what it once used to be , when he used to stay up all night texting Jacob 's mother . Isabelle wasn 't with them anymore , but he felt her presence in that house every single day , every single moment of his life . Too bad that she couldn 't be here to see how big her young lad had grown , and too bad that Jacob never really knew his mother . He slowly walked up the stairs , stood outside Jacob 's door listening for a sound of his son . Hearing none , assuming that the boy had slept off , Adrian walked into his room next door and quickly changed . Then he crashed on the bed , and he dozed off before his head hit the pillow . He didn 't know what had woken him up . Perhaps it was another one of those damned night owls who had thought it a good idea to sit on top of the chimney and hoot to all hell . But Adrian couldn 't hear anything right now , so he decided to let the infernal bird live another day , and went back to sleep . The morning came , and with it came a severe headache . Perhaps it wasn 't a good idea to try that new herbal tea last night after all , it would have been safer to stick to his good old teapot with its good old tea leaves . But whatever , nothing he could do about it , except pop in an Aspirin and hope it will wear off before he reached the police station . The breakfast wasn 't ready on the table for him , which was rather an oddity . Jacob always laid out a bowl of cereal for him before cycling off to college . But seeing as his bicycle wasn 't leaning out there by the garage , Adrian could only assume that he was late and had to go off in a hurry . Adrian wasn 't bothered ; he just got the cereal himself and read the morning 's newspapers ' take on last night 's events . He sent a txt to his son 's phone to reply when he could to make sure he was safe , and didn 't think anymore over it . It didn 't strike him to check his son 's room at that time … That night , when his son still hadn 't checked in , Adrian started to feel worried . Jacob was a responsible boy , he never stayed out of touch so long . The moment Adrian reached home , he ran upstairs and flung open the door to his son 's room . His eyes veered to the wall above the bed 's head , and so Adrian lost his footing , tears escaping the sanctity of his eyes . This is in continuation to the first part already published here . Remember people , it 's a public blog , it 's not a single person 's . If you want the world to know about you and whatever you want to write on , this is the place ! Cheers - Nitesh As days passed , he was taking a very keen interest in talking to her . After a while , he asked her for her mobile number and as expected , she gave it to him and then it seemed that a new era of communicating with her had commenced for him . He spent many sleepless nights thinking about her , and when he lied down to sleep , most of the time he dreamed of her only … . Going to his performance in class , he had started answering in class . Not much , but improvement was there . Before , he was scared to answer to any question in front of the whole class . A dread of getting insulted by his fellow mates or you can say the students in class developed , if he answers that question wrong or gives absurd answers . This dread of his started when he newly joined the school that is in grade 6 . He was selected as a class representative from one section for an inter - class spell bee competition . You must be wondering how did this guy get selected as class representative for INTER - CLASS COMPETITION ? ! The reason for this is that before he came to his new school , he was an intelligent but yes , reserved kind of boy ; he always came in the top 3 students of his class . But after coming to this school , he didn 't know what happened to him ( something which happens with a lot of us ! - Nitesh ) . We 'll discuss upon this later . So where were we ? Yes , he was nervous to get on the stage as he was new to school and didn 't know what to do then . He thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown after seeing that all the other members of his team were only girls … no boys ! He started praying to God either to fast forward the time or to pulverize him there only . Now the competition started and he with a dreadful face was in front of his 300 school mates . The first two rounds passed easily and he was happy about it as he didn 't answer any of the questions or spellings . Now the final round came and his class , that is grade 6 , and grade 7 were having the same points . For this very last tie breaker question , he was given the mic . The word given to him was " chloroform " . As soon as the word was being called , all eyes of the students , principal , teachers , all people who were there , started looking at him . His teammates too were looking at him , waiting for an answer like it 's a billion dollar question . He knew the spelling very well but the " do u know the answer looks ? " by all made him more and more nervous . And as a consequence , he was not able to answer that . He started stumbling after he blurted out the letters ' ch ' . The rest of the letters just got stuck in his voice box and his so - called teammates were prompting the spelling to him repeatedly . But he was not listening to them , he just gave up and the question was answered by grade 7 kids . After this little fiasco , only one thing was going around his mind - Now how would he going to face his friends ? ! This incident changed his life and from that day onwards he had never went up to stage . He just wanted to get lost in the crowd of 300 students . Now coming back to our story , as I said he was getting a keen interest in texting with his newly made friend . He didn 't start with flirting or something like that . He just started with TAUNTING her in the name of a person ( You can guess it , I dont know his name either ) who had a crush on her . Or at least that 's what our nincompoop thinks . This taunting went for at least 4 - 5 months . It 's only after so many explanations and proofs by her that he agreed that she didn 't like him . Actually he did know that she didn 't like him , it was just that he wanted to talk to her . No matter what the topic would be , he just wanted to talk to her . He started observing that he had started answering in class . His results started improving , his hairstyle changed from a mushroom cut to spiked one ( partially ) . His shyness towards girls started to retreat . I know this sounds stupid but for him it seemed that an angel or a lucky charm for him was sent by the Great Creator . One week passed talkig to her , actually not one week , only one weekend , but that seemed like a week to him . During the first weekend only , he talked to her so much that he felt that they had known each other for ages , but only he started to feel that . He didn 't know what that girl thought about him . He just IMAGINED that she felt the same way as he does . Yes , he imagined ! Next day that is on monday , he woke up on his own . Usually , his mother used to wake him up for school . But this day he got up and got ready early to match the timing of hers , that they would reach the school together . And that day , he did reach the entrance of school on that time only at which she had reached . She came out from her white BMW . It was like somewhere 's Crown Princess had just stepped out from her royal chariot , it all seemed like a dream to him . She was in her school uniform , yet she was looking like the princess of some country . At that moment , he was not able to resist himself from staring at her . Not literally , but yes he was staring . Then he came back into his senses and saw her coming towards her . People may remember The Story of a Teenager that I had published over the course of a few weeks . But here is the very article that inspired me to write that story . He 's one of my best friends , and all I can say is that I 'm glad someone considers this site big enough to share his story on it . So cheers to life , and remember people , anyone can post an article , even if you wish to remain Anonymous . - Nitesh Once there was a guy who was like very reserved and boring . He had friends but not many . He used to talk with them but only on topics based on academics . Yet he was only an average students in academics . He didn 't have any laurels , no achievements , nothing . He was somehow a bit surreal . He was just in his own thoughts most of the time . He didn 't have a friend with whom he can share his thoughts but longs for one . He observed many boys and girls hanging out together and wished to have one girl for him . He was very shy type so he was not able to talk to any girl and if he gets to talk to any of them he stumbles while talking . He didn 't know how to start the conversation or what to talk with a girl , he just started stammering . Going to his appearance he was not that bad , hair coming till his forehead even if he combed his hair literary , long beard , a little corpulent , with almost six feet tall and a muscular body . But then God seemed to be delighted with him . One day he met a girl , and you could call it an accident . Once in class , he was sitting with his friend and it was a free period and she came and sat down on the bench which is in front of where they are sitting . She came not for him but for his friend beside him to ask a question . And his friend was almost like him , basically shy but more intelligent than him . As the guy observed , she smelled like freshly grown strawberries and rose . He wondered if she always smelled like that or if it was some kind of special perfume . Every time she blinked , he was compelled to look at her . Even though they both were in the same class but he had never noticed her from that angle . Yet now he was perplexed to see her . She was pretty , no doubt about that . His friend was not able to solve that question and then she asked him if he could help her with that question . This time , don 't know why , he didn 't stumble and contrived to answer that question easily . That time he felt very grateful . Afterwards , she thanked him and gave him a sweet smile . Then he started talking to her on a well - known social networking site , Facebook , even though she was added in his friend list some 2 - 3 years ago . Now he regularly started talking to her on Facebook and didn 't know from where now , but he was getting all those more topics to talk to her . A feeling of what you may call a LIKING for that girl started within him . But he was still oblivious from it , and he just started to enjoy talking to her . As days passed , he was taking a very keen interest in talking to her . After a while , he asked her for her mobile number and as expected , she gave it to him and then it seemed that a new era of communicating with her had commenced for him . He spent many sleepless nights thinking about her , and when he lied down to sleep , most of the time he dreamed of her only . In a time not akin ours , with people not unlike us , there was a teenager not unlike us . This is the story of how he found his life , his love , and how he went on to get what he wanted even when no one would have expected it from him . This isn 't an autobiography ; it 's rather a hopefully heartwarming story which drew inspiration from my life . There are a couple of instances from my life , but each love part is not taken from anywhere , and IS FICTIONAL ! But as is the case with teenage boys , he got over this quickly enough . A week after that , he was jumping around like a spring chicken , oblivious to the worries of the world . It 's been said that true inspiration comes from a broken heart , but what about the inspiration when a load has been taken off your back ? On top of that , it 's not like we teenage boys are the fastest at anything , are we ? Hell , if we had a competition over this , I guess frogs would be more romantic than us . Every single person nowadays has someone with whom they 've fixed a song as ' their ' song . In this period of time , he started listening to that song over and over again , and was shocked at how idiotic that song sounded to him . He tried to hear it again to find out why he had liked the song in the first place , but all rationality had left him . He changed his songs , but more importantly , he just gave a couple of tweaks to his life . School life passed him by ; after all , which kid his age would want to get up every day in the morning and think ' yes , we 're going to start this chapter today ! " ? It was like it was always going to be . As long as you left the system alone , the system would not gobble you up . But there was something wrong with the way he felt towards school life . He started looking at life within those boundaries as just an intermediary to the larger picture , as just a stepping - stone towards the real world outside . I guess that 's actually the right way of thinking , but come on , which kid among us doesn 't want to go to school every day if only to meet his friends and have fun ? Leaving aside some of the ' un - social ' kids , if you may , but then , he wasn 't having any problems in that regard . It wasn 't like he didn 't talk to girls at all . Earlier , you 've already been told of his brief fling when he was all of 13 years old . But as is the case with most children of his age , it was never going to go on , and these two just drifted apart over time . Perhaps he just didn 't consider himself ready enough to be drawn into this net of relationships . He had heard a lot of comments from people around him about how difficult it is to sustain a long relationship with someone , and some very hurtful comments towards their ex ' es . And it horrified him that some situations can occur which can make someone think about another being in that way . I guess that was the reason he just made up his mind that he wasn 't big enough and man enough to take care of a special someone for a long time . He preferred to go about his life as it were , keeping everyone happy while not taking it any further . He went to tuition , but it just wasn 't the same now . He missed the fact that earlier , he actually had someone to stare at when everything being taught in class was zooming right over him . The rest of his gang were fun enough , but something just felt missing . That did not mean that they didn 't have fun in class , joking with the teachers and spreading the gossip around them . These are the small little things which can make the most boring of things worthwhile , and he fell right back into it . And then one day , his gang and he reached tuition early , and they went inside early because the helper was watering the pavement outside . Most of them were in a good mood then ; it was a glorious day with a chance of rain in the next couple of hours . There were still 15 minutes or so left for the class to start , so they just started to do anything which came in their mind . After drawing faces of Scooby - Doo , Powerpuff Girls and a couple of other Cartoon characters which came in their minds , they started to mess with their own hairstyles , asking others just how big an idiot they looked like . And just when he had managed to make up his hair in such a way that half of it came into his eyes and it was all standing out like a porcupine 's from the side , she walked in … . Imagine the expression on the poor guy 's face . Not the best second first - impression anyone would want to have on someone he was attracted to , was it ? But he quickly regained his composure and included her in the fun . Though he seemed solid enough at the outset , a cold feeling had crawled up his spine . He had let go with such difficulty , but now that she was in front of him , the world just seemed a bit messed - up to his adolescent mind . Remember the piles of concrete or whatever it is that looks a lot like sand , which you always see near any place where construction is going on ? Sometimes the smallest of things , however irrelevant they may seem , are the biggest things possible in a normal person 's life , and you just can 't help yourself but try to climb over it and feel like a circus performer . That was the day he first held her hand , supporting her as she climbed over the huge pile out of childish want . In a time not akin ours , with people not unlike us , there was a teenager not unlike us . This is the story of how he found his life , his love , and how he went on to get what he wanted even when no one would have expected it from him . This isn 't an autobiography ; it 's rather a hopefully heartwarming story which drew inspiration from my life . Yes , there are a couple of instances from my life , but each love - part is not taken from anywhere , and IS FICTIONAL ! Yes , it wasn 't the best of starts for him , but honestly , which teenager would care when he can get to sit with his crush like that ? Some can go all high heaven for a chance to do so . And of course , the best part of Truth & Dare was to pair someone with his or her crush . Soon after that , he had a fight with his mom over the dishes . He had eaten his sister 's birthday cake and forgotten to put it back into the fridge . It wasn 't anything big enough to fight over , but his mind really wasn 't in it . His mother sensed that he wasn 't listening to her , and further prodded him . Brought back from his daydreams , he snapped back at her , exasperated by everything going on in his life . One thing led to another , and he found himself trudging off all alone to his room for some privacy . He went there , sat down on the floor , and promptly started daydreaming . Next day , he again got ready for school , but his mood just wasn 't in it . Games at school went some way to taking his mind off things , and he acted like a lunatic all day . His friends didn 't mind ; as long as they got their dose of entertainment , why would they care about whatever madness he did ? His mind wasn 't on studies all day , but I guess that could be said about half the school . It was a glorious day outside ; the sun was out in its full - glory , yet there was that cool little breeze blowing which made every teenager 's head go crazy . You know the things you daydream about when you 're sitting in the middle of the exam hall with absolutely nothing to do . It was somewhat along the same lines , with the exception that he wasn 't really thinking about what to do with his friends like the rest of us normally would have . Till now , he had fair falling all over his head in a heap . He didn 't really care about it before , but suddenly he started paying attention to his face and everything else that , you know , isn 't like normal guys . He combed down his hair , he spiked it up , he tried absolutely every possible kind of hairstyle . Exasperated , he nearly got a crew cut , but luckily someone talked him out of it . Such was his longing for her to notice him . I 've said that he was one of the more social kids of his age . He enjoyed talking to different people and sharing their problems , and if he could , try to give them solutions . But when he needed to have shared it with someone else , he preferred to clamp up and withdraw inside his shell . Some people can think over matters so much that they put themselves into a bad mood . His friends weren 't idiots ; they did know that something was wrong . To see the clown of their gang suddenly sitting in his seat alone when the rest of the class was enjoying themselves in a substitution just wasn 't right . He wasn 't going to get away with his drama anyway ; this is India , you know . Friends just cant let each other stay in a bad mood for long , and somehow or the other he cheered up and went about his life . All that day and the next , he tried to draw out a plan as to how he could go up to her and actually talk to her . He did decide on his opening line , the topics he could talk over with her , and absolutely everything that he would want to know about her . He reached the centre well ahead of time , put his books inside and came outside to stroll around the place , waiting for her . He just wanted to have a glimpse of her , no matter what it took . But she never came , not that day , not the next , not that week … |
February 19 , 2016 by mdpayne87 In The Doghouse OK , so I 've written a short story . My first for quite a while . Here it is … His eyes snapped open and he clenched his hands into fists . The ritual had begun . He turned over in bed . Sharon was fast asleep . Again , part of the ritual . She was impervious to the sounds , and this riled him further . He had to deal with it , and she would only get cross with him if he complained . It was their baby , after all . He got out of bed and put on a pair of slippers . He added a dressing gown , careful not to make a sound . Satisfied , he made for the door . He opened it to find Rusty lying spread across the doorway , head lying on his paws , looking up at Hogan with infuriating , pleading eyes . Orange light from a lamppost spilled through the landing window and tinged Rusty 's pupils blood red . Like the devil 's eyes , Hogan thought . An all - seeing , all - knowing devil . The challenge was how to get him downstairs without setting off a fusillade of barking that would wake the entire street . Luckily , their house was at the end of the block and the neighbouring property was currently vacant , so any noise wouldn 't be too intrusive . Even so . This was the next stage of the game , and both knew their roles with precision . Hogan nudged at Rusty 's belly with a toe . The dog whimpered and rolled onto its back . Hogan drew a sharp breath . Don 't you bark , miserable mutt . He tried again , a little more forcefully this time , and Rusty got to his feet and scuttled down the hallway , tail wagging furiously . Hogan followed , prepared to exert more force to get Rusty downstairs , but this time the dog required no further prompting and was curled up in his bed by the time Hogan reached the living room . As he always did , Hogan shook his head at the sight of the bed . The Queen could sleep in it and have no complaints . A ' Premium Dog Lounger ' , it was called . Sharon had fallen in love with it after scouring the Internet for hours , dismissing one bed after another for the tiniest flaw . Then , just as he was about to lose his temper , she clapped her hands and pointed at the screen . ' Oh , it 's perfect , ' she had said . He peered over her head . ' At that price ? Fuck , I 'm surprised it isn 't gold - plated . ' She had smiled , and he wanted to please her , just to keep that smile going , one that he had seen so rarely in the last few months . So he said yes . She kissed him then , and one thing led to another , and everything was good . And at the start , he had enjoyed having Rusty . The long walks in the park broke up the day , and as a puppy , he was well - behaved and easy to house - train . But as the months went by , and Sharon 's grief and hurt grew , she projected all her love and affection onto the dog . Spoiling him . Buying him ridiculous presents , including designer clothes . Designer clothes for an animal . It started with a hideous waterproof jacket in black and yellow halves , which she said made Rusty look ' smart ' . She would walk him in it , showing off to all and sundry . Hogan refused to do the same , telling her it was embarrassing . But the gifts kept on coming . A dog collar with a tartan print , and matching bandanna . A zebra print lead . Last Christmas a pair of plastic reindeer ears turned up in the post . Hogan had spent Christmas Day with a dog dressed up like Rudolph . It would be funny if it wasn 't so sad . Yet , he could understand why she was doing it . Some days he would be hit with a depression so strong he could barely get out of bed . He would lie awake , tears rolling down his face , mourning the loss of their unborn child . They had been trying for a baby ever since marriage , and after nearly a year , Sharon had fallen pregnant . The early stages of the pregnancy had gone without a hitch , and they had been talking of the future , names and schools and all the rest . Then one night , she had awoken with a cramping pain in her stomach . Over the next few hours , she thrashed about in the sheets , gripping Hogan 's hand so hard her nails left crescent - shaped marks in his palms . Eventually , they both fell into a restless sleep . He woke up to a scene he would never forget . Sharon was gone . He sat up and heard crying , retching sounds coming from the bathroom . Sharon was sitting on the toilet bowl , sobbing . Her nightgown was stained red . He went to her and she buried her head to his chest , screaming . He managed to lift her to a standing position , the horror of what had happened starting to take hold . He lifted the toilet bowl and there were smudges of blood on the porcelain , the water a red syrupy colour . Their baby , gone . He saw finger smudges on the toilet handle and realised she had flushed the remains down the toilet . Remains . Their baby , reduced to a few marks of blood . Gorge rose in his throat and he swallowed it down . Sharon continued to cry . And as she cried , a small , unexpected well of resentment flowered in his chest . That she had flushed their child away like a common turd . He went to her , knowing that it wasn 't her fault , that she was going through hell . They cleaned up and phoned the hospital . Cried a flood of tears . But for Hogan , that resentment was always there , a little ember that glowed with every passing breath . Sharon was off to work early the next morning , after fussing over Rusty during breakfast . Hogan hated how the dog had encroached onto their meal times . This was especially prevalent at dinner , as Sharon insisted on feeding him morsels of food from her plate , carving off a slice of chicken and tossing it to the floor . It was like a medieval banquet , the decorum she showed . His protests , and there were many , fell on deaf ears . Whilst Sharon was off to cut hair and exchange gossip , Hogan made a cup of coffee and took it through to his office . He worked from home as a freelance writer for financial publications . The pay was surprisingly lucrative and he enjoyed the solitude . Until now , that was . Despite Rusty 's arrival in the household being Sharon 's idea , somehow the roles had been reversed and he spent more time looking after him than she did . Still , it was good that she was back at work . He hoped she would start to come to terms with the loss of the baby and they could get back some of the happiness that had been lost . Thankfully , the dog was asleep on his bed , and Hogan fell into his work . He wrote for an hour , then went for more coffee . As the kettle boiled , a tick tack of paws sounded on the lino , and there he was , barking and fizzing in and out of Hogan 's legs . Hogan sighed . It was time for the morning walk . It had been raining overnight and the park was likely to be muddy , so Hogan changed into wellington boots and reached for his parka , which hung on a hook by the back door . He felt the inside pocket for the familiar shape of his cigarettes . He had only been smoking again for three months , after a two year abstention . Ever since the baby , in fact . Sharon knew nothing , and he was happy to keep it that way . She would only be in his ear about it , but well , some battles you lose , others you win . He never smoked in the house , but had come to relish his morning cigarette . There had to be one pleasure from having a dog . He picked the least garish lead and hooked it to Rusty 's collar , and they were on their way . The cloud was low and ominous . The park lay beyond the row of houses in their block , and as Hogan passed the neighbours , he saw a figure in the upstairs window , polishing . A pile of boxes were stacked against the glass . So , new neighbours . As he made to leave the figure caught his eye . He waved at the man , but received no response . As they neared the park Rusty grew excited and pulled hard on the leash . Hogan unhooked him and Rusty bounded away across the field , barking with great gusto . He ran past the football pitch and stopped to sniff at a row of bushes before returning to Hogan , who retrieved a ball from his pocket and threw it in a long arc down the field . Rusty set off after it , and Hogan reached for his cigarettes . As he shook one out of the packet he saw Rusty charging towards another dog , barking loudly . There was a blur of white and brown fur as the pair sized each other up . In the distance , a woman was striding towards them . Hogan did the same . The dogs were sniffing each other as he approached . Rusty towered over his companion and gave the dog a playful nip on the backside . This set off a crescendo of barks . By now the woman had reached the pair and had separated her dog , putting him back on the leash . Hogan jogged the last few paces to meet them . She ran a hand through her hair , nodded . ' Moved only yesterday , as it happens . We live in the block over there . Saw the park and knew it would be perfect for Kevin . ' He followed the direction of her finger . ' Ah , so we must be neighbours , then . I live in the house on the corner . Welcome to the neighbourhood . ' She smiled . ' Thank you . It 's convenient for my husband 's job . Close to the airport , he said . You won 't see much of him . He 's away on business a lot . The high flying world of corporate law . ' She recited the words in a monotone drawl , like a prepared script . The man in the window , Hogan thought . He nodded . ' Right . I 'm the opposite , as it happens . I work from home . Freelance , you know . ' Kevin got to his feet and looked up at Jess with pleading eyes . ' Oh ok , ' she said . ' Well I 'm the dutiful housewife , so I 'm at home most of the time too . Anyway , I think this one has probably had enough for one morning . I 'd better be getting back . ' ' I 'm sure that 's a good idea , ' Jess said , tightening her grip on Kevin 's leash . ' It was nice to meet you , Mike . ' She moved past him . He caught a whiff of perfume . Hogan realised he was still holding the cigarette , and now lit it . He let Rusty off the leash and continued to smoke . He worked solidly through the afternoon , stopping at four to take Rusty for his afternoon walk . He thought Jess and Kevin might be out there again , but they weren 't . He got home just as Sharon walked through the door , carrying a couple of shopping bags . ' A dogbrella , they call it . You hold it like this , then he won 't get wet when going for a walk . Isn 't it great ? ' He placed his hands on the table . ' In this case , yes . This sort of stuff is a complete waste of money . I 'll look like an utter fool , carting that thing around with me . ' His anger rose a few notches . ' Well I 'm the one who has to walk the bloody thing every day . All you do is spoil him with pointless gifts that we can 't afford and he doesn 't even need ! I 'm getting sick of it , quite frankly . ' ' Sharon , he 's a dog . You treat him like a child . In case you 've forgotten , he isn 't one . ' Her voice lowered to a whisper . ' You bastard . Of all the hurtful things you could say . ' He closed his eyes . ' Look , I 'm sorry , alright ? But , and I hate to say it , you can 't get over what happened by doing this . ' He shrugged his shoulders . ' You know what , Sharon ? I really don 't know . You won 't talk to me about any of it , so I 've had to draw my own conclusions . I know you 're grieving . I am too . But this isn 't the way , and it won 't help . ' She started to cry . He made to go to her , but the venom in her eyes stopped him short . ' I 'll never forgive you for saying that . Never . Make your own dinner . ' She stormed out of the room , slamming the door behind her . Hogan kicked the umbrella across the kitchen . Nicely done , Mike . All the subtlety of a sledgehammer . But deep down , he knew he was right . He turned and saw Rusty 's eyes on him , and his hatred for the dog ratcheted up even further . ' What are you fucking staring at ? ' he shouted , and went back to his office . Sharon didn 't come out for the rest of the evening . He ate a meal of microwaved leftovers , then tried to talk to her . He knocked on the bedroom door and was met with silence . He twisted the handle . Locked . He stood there for a long time , apologising over and over , but in the end gave up . It was the spare room for tonight . Maybe for every night . Things were falling apart . Rusty was gone when he reached the kitchen . No doubt tucked up in bed , enjoying a better night 's sleep then he was going to get . Just as well . He couldn 't face looking at him again tonight . The air was cool as he stepped out onto the porch and lit up . The smoke curled up towards the upstairs window but the curtains were drawn . He stepped further into the garden , turned and looked up at the bedroom . No signs of life . As he did so his eyes lingered on the adjacent window . The curtains were drawn here too , but the light was on and two silhouettes could be seen behind them . He recognised the outlines of Jess and her husband . He was pointing a finger at her . Hogan thought he could hear raised voices . The figure of her husband moved towards her and there was a mingling of their shadows . Then both disappeared from view . For the next few days Hogan saw little of Sharon . They were in a battle of prolonged silences and resentment , and fighting for the right to sleep in the bedroom . Some evenings she would lock the door , others stay out late and take the spare room when she returned . Leaving him to wake in a large empty bed , starting the day with a hollow in his heart . Their conversations were nothing more than perfunctory , the barest of glances as they passed on the stairs or in the hallway . In many ways , he wished she would shout at him again . At least show she cared . This perpetual silent treatment was far more suffocating . In the end Hogan set up camp in the office and ate , slept and worked there . His only breaks were to feed or walk Rusty . Thankfully there had been no more presents since his outburst over the umbrella . Every time he saw it some of the old rage came flooding back . Without the dog , they had a chance . His presence was ruining everything . On their walks , he wondered about Jess . What the deal was with her husband . A guy who for all intents and purposes was never there . He thought she must be lonely , and realised that he knew how that felt . Since Rusty had arrived , loneliness had seeped into his being and was spreading . Then , one morning , he did see her . Sharon had left without walking Rusty , so he had his breakfast and then faced the inevitable . The clouds above were almost black but he thought they could make it before the heavens opened . He took an umbrella with him - the human kind . Dogs ? Well , they could make do . Rusty was in an energetic mood and tired out quickly . Hogan smoked his cigarette and as he extinguished the butt a drop of rain fell on the back of his hand . He tethered Rusty to the leash as the rain grew in strength , and as he looked up Jess and Kevin were coming towards him . She was wearing jeans and wellington boots . Kevin was free of clothing . The rain was coming down harder now , and Hogan struggled to erect his umbrella whilst keeping hold of Rusty . Once he did so , Jess and Kevin were upon them . She put up the hood of her jacket for protection . She hesitated , then joined him under the canopy . The dogs remained out in the storm . She shook off the hood and rubbed her hair . Hogan noticed a dark area of skin on the left side of her face , just above the jawline . It was disguised with make - up , but was definitely a bruise . A bad one . They set off across the field . Halfway home a gust of wind blew the umbrella inside out , and for a minute they were buffeted by the rain . As they reached the corner of the estate , the rain began to ease . Hogan looked at her . Inside , Rusty took the opportunity to shake himself dry , sending a spray of water across the kitchen , Hogan taking the brunt of it . This set Jess off laughing , and Hogan joined in . He couldn 't remember the last time he had really laughed . It had been a long while . Once the kettle was on he went to change and to find Jess a towel . On his return he found she had put the dogs outside , who were now bounding around the garden like old friends . He passed her the towel . ' Here , get yourself dry . I 'll make the coffee . ' She wiped her face and hair with the towel as he spooned coffee into mugs . With her skin now dry , he could see the bruise with much greater clarity . He thought of the argument he had seen in the upstairs window . But that was two and two making five . It was probably perfectly innocent . She blew on her coffee , put it to her lips . ' I wouldn 't know . He 's hardly been here . And now he 's gone again . Your guess is as good as mine . ' Again , that staccato delivery . ' Yeah , I haven 't seen my wife much lately either . Having a few problems at the moment . ' He had no idea why he had said that , and regretted it . She eyed him over the top of her mug . ' Yeah , well . That 's married life for you . It hasn 't planned out the way I thought it would . ' ' I 'm sorry to hear that . Well , if you ever need a chat , feel free to drop round . My wife could probably give you better advice , but um , she 's not in a hospitable mood right now . ' ' Hey , he said , ' it can 't be that bad , ' and that set her off into racking sobs . He crouched beside her chair , bewildered . She raised her face and threw her arms round his neck . He patted her back as tears fell onto his sodden shirt . They stayed that way for a long time . She kept her arms round his neck and now he could feel her breasts pushing against his chest . He adjusted his body and her arms came free . He got up and found a box of tissues . She took a few and wiped her nose and mouth . ' You know , if you hated my coffee that much all you had to do was say so . ' ' I know you did . Thank you . ' She hugged him again , then drew back and looked at him , their faces inches apart . She placed her hands on the side of his face and kissed him . Hogan was too startled to speak . She walked to the door and opened it . Kevin came dutifully to her . She waved once , and was gone . Hogan ran a hand over his lips . When he took them away , they were shaking . He sat at the table for a long time . He could feel the imprint of her kiss on his lips . He was mostly shocked by it , but a small part of him was thrilled . I have to talk to Sharon , he thought . No more games . We need to sort this out before it all falls to pieces . It was dark when Sharon returned home . The kitchen was clean and Rusty had settled down for the night . He was nursing a small whisky when her key scratched in the lock . He knew she would run to the bedroom , so followed her up the stairs . He managed to get a foot in the door before she had a chance to close it . She pushed vainly , but his strength was greater . The door opened wide . She was sitting on the bed , looking down at her hands . He closed his eyes . ' Look , we can try again . For another baby , I mean . There 's no reason we can 't have a healthy child . ' ' Easy for you to say . You don 't have a clue what I went through . I think about it every single day . Dream about it , about him . And when I look at you , it makes it worse . Seeing that anger etched on your face , like it 's my fault . It 's like a dagger to my heart . ' He felt his own tears coming now . ' Sharon , please . I 'm so sorry . All I want to do is support you . Look after you . I 've never blamed you . Never . ' She stood up . ' Then why do I not believe you ? And seeing the way you treat Rusty , I wonder how good a father you would have made . ' ' Rusty 's a dog ! Not a child . It 's not the same thing . And I 'm the one who walks and feeds him every day . I think I 'm doing a pretty good job . ' She walked to the closet and began rummaging through her clothes . ' Well , you 're going to get some more practise . I think it 's best if I move out for a while . ' Her face softened slightly . ' Look , I need some time to myself . To think about everything . I 'm not sure if we can get past this . I 'll be back to see Rusty . Check that you are looking after him properly . ' She threw a suitcase onto the bed and started throwing clothes into it . ' I 've made up my mind . You think this is easy for me , it isn 't . Leaving Rusty behind breaks my heart . ' He made to say something , but she raised a hand . ' I know I 'm asking a lot , but can you leave me in peace ? Right now , I just want to be out of here . ' She pulled away and called for Rusty . ' Oh darling , ' she said , ruffling his ears . ' Mummy 's going away for a little while . But I love you very much , and I 'll see you soon , OK ? ' ' Bye , Mike , ' she said , and before he could reply , she was gone . The hole inside him had grown , and he knew of only one way to fill it . He demolished the rest of the whisky bottle and passed out on the office couch , tears drying on his face . Rusty didn 't help . He was pining for Sharon and being difficult . Hogan confined their walks to no further than the end of the road and back . He corresponded with clients via email , ignored his phone and retreated from public view . The only person he spoke to was Sharon . It was a Friday when she turned up at last . Hogan was in the kitchen , clock - watching . He found he did that a lot in the evenings , listening out for her arrival . He missed her , that much he knew . And Rusty definitely did . ' Hi , ' she said . Rusty shot out of the living room at a rate of knots , covering her face with licks and slobber . Hogan took a breath and followed . ' Hi , ' he replied . She had done something to her hair , made it darker . It reminded him of Jess . ' Someone 's pleased to see you . ' Hogan gritted his teeth . ' So , ' he said as she extracted herself from Rusty and walked behind him to the kitchen , ' how have you been ? Where have you been staying ? ' He watched her remove her coat . She didn 't sit in her usual chair , instead taking the one nearest the door . Rusty came in and lay at her feet . She stroked Rusty . ' Well , this one looks as good as new . Maybe there is hope for you after all . ' She smiled , some kindness behind her eyes . ' Yeah , yeah . I get the message . ' They were both smiling now , and Hogan realised how much he missed this . The gentle banter , the affection . ' Listen , ' she was saying . ' Can I ask a favour ? I 've taken a few days off and booked a cottage in the country . Got a great deal on Airbnb . Very dog - friendly . Would you mind if I take Rusty with me ? I need some peace and quiet to think , and would love his company . Do you mind ? ' She drank a quick cup of coffee and gathered up Rusty 's things . She insisted on taking his bed and toys , and her car boot was full by the time they had finished . She slammed the boot shut and opened the passenger door for Rusty . He bounded in , circled a couple of times , then curled up in the footwell . She put a hand up to stop him . ' Not now , Mike . Please . Give us this time away , and when I get back , we 'll talk again . Sit down and figure something out . ' Hogan couldn 't remember the last time he had had a weekend to himself . Probably in the bachelor days , and as the weekend progressed he reverted to those old habits - getting up late , eating a vast array of junk food , drinking too much and generally not caring about any of it . He missed Sharon terribly , but the absence of Rusty did not make the heart grow fonder . It wasn 't the dog 's fault , but Hogan saw in this time off how much of a hold Rusty had over their lives , particularly Sharon 's . He knew that she would never agree with him on this , but he hoped that on her trip she would realise that her attitude towards Rusty was unreasonable , and having a detrimental effect on their relationship . The balance had shifted too far one way . Surely she had to see that ? Sunday brought with it torrential rain with didn 't let up all day . Hogan worked for a while , then spent a long couple of hours sitting in the kitchen , drinking whisky and thinking long thoughts . The weather had brought on a feeling of restlessness , and he needed to snap out of it . He carried his glass through to the lounge and switched the TV on . The rain continued to come down and he was glad to be ensconced inside . He found some football on one of the sports channels and settled down to watch . The whisky bottle was half empty when there was a knock at the door . It was late , and Hogan was tempted to ignore it . The knocking continued with greater urgency . Sighing , he got up to answer it . Jess stood before him and she looked an awful sight . She was soaking wet , mascara running down her cheeks . Her face was a mess , with an ugly bruise on her temple and swelling around her top lip . Her eyes were red and bloodshot . She was wearing only a thin summer dress with a cardigan over the top . Goosebumps were visible on her arms . She followed him without saying a word . He pointed her towards the bathroom while he found a fresh towel in the airing cupboard . He thought she would need clean clothes , so found an old blouse and pair of jeans of Sharon 's . Probably a bit too small , but would do the job . He added them to the towel and entered the bathroom . Jess was sitting on the toilet , head in her hands . He made them both a whisky as the shower started to run . He thought of her bruise . The vision of them arguing in the upstairs window . It was pretty obvious how she had been injured . The realisation made Hogan 's stomach crawl . The shower finally subsided as he stepped to the back door to smoke an impromptu cigarette . It was still raining so he stood inside and blew the smoke out . As he neared the butt , there was a sound behind him . Jess stood , eyes lowered to the floor , clutching a hessian bag to her chest . He dropped the cigarette to the patio and ground it out . He led her through . He took his usual seat and switched the TV off . She took the couch , sitting with knees pressed together and whisky glass clenched in both hands . She looked a little better after the shower . Her face was scrubbed free of make up and colour was returning to her cheeks . She wouldn 't look him in the eye , though . He could see that she was still scared out of her wits . ' Jess , what happened ? ' he asked . Silence . ' OK , OK , I understand if you don 't want to tell me . Although I think you might need to go to the hospital , that lip could need stitches . I can run you down there , no problem . ' This time she did raise her head . ' I said no hospital . ' She drained her glass . ' Another one of these wouldn 't go amiss , though . ' He made to say something but thought better off it . When he returned she snatched the glass and drank half of it in one swallow . After , the silence resumed . ' Why ? Maybe I didn 't cook his steak the way he likes it . He 's very particular about his food . ' Her eyes filled with tears . ' Or I could have left a towel on the floor in the bathroom . There could be any number of reasons . ' Hogan grinded his teeth . The fucking coward . ' Although tonight was worse than usual . I can tell when he 's going to kick off , you know . His nostrils get all puffy , like a bull 's . And the eyes . I dream about those eyes sometimes . The pupils get so wide it almost looks like they are black . ' ' So anyway , I was in the kitchen when he came up behind me and put his hand on my neck . I was so scared I peed myself a little bit . I tried to turn around but he slammed my head forward . I caught my mouth on the side of a cupboard , hence this . ' She pointed to her lip . ' He picked me up and hit me a couple of times . Usually he goes for a less obvious area . The belly , most often . I must have passed out for a bit . When I came to , he was standing over me , showering me with abuse . Then he went upstairs . When I could stand I staggered to the door and basically fell out into the rain . A few minutes later he came down , stepped over me and drove off . I lay there for a while , thankful it was over . For now at least . And now I 'm here . ' She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes . ' You need to know any more , or is that enough ? ' ' Oh , most of the time he 's the perfect husband . He 'll turn up in a day or two , all apologetic , and for a while he 'll treat me like a queen . ' She shrugged . She held out the glass for more whisky . ' Right now , this is all I want . ' She looked at him full on , now . ' But thank you , Mike . Really . Just telling you this , has been a big help . I won 't forget it . ' They sat drinking for a long time , both in their own silences . Hogan tried to get her to go the police but she was adamant . As the night wore on , she was becoming drunk . They both were . When the bottle finally ran out , she rose on unsteady legs . ' Better get home , ' she mumbled . She frowned , then took a step forward and stumbled towards him . ' Maybe that 's a good idea . ' She fell into him . He bent down and picked her up . She was lighter than air . As he carried her she smiled up at him , the bruise big and angry and red . I 'll get you , cunt . He thought . If the police won 't , I will . ' So I 've been told , ' he replied . ' Now , if you need anything , I 'm next door . Any time of the night , you just knock , you hear ? ' ' Goodnight , ' he said . At the door , he turned to look . From behind , in his drunkenness , she was the split of Sharon . He closed his eyes and shut the door behind him . He fell into a restless and agitated sleep . There were dreams , fleeting images that passed through his brain in a flash and were gone . He woke cocooned in the sheets , head facing the wall . His tongue was dry and the beginnings of a headache were gnawing at the base of his skull . The light in the room was grey and murky , suggesting that dawn was not far away . Hogan closed his eyes , willing himself back to sleep . There was a shuffling sound behind him . He rolled over . Jess was standing at the foot of the bed , wearing the blouse and jeans . ' Jess , you startled me . Is everything all right ? ' He groped for the bedside lamp . ' Please don 't turn on the light , ' she said . Her voice carried no inflection at all . ' I couldn 't sleep . Turning things over and over in my head . ' He sat up . Her bruises were starkly visible , even at this light . ' There are some sleeping pills in the bathroom . I 'll get you one . ' She shook her head . ' No . That 's not what I want . ' With her eyes on him , she began unbuttoning her jeans . She rolled them down her legs , then kicked them away . She was naked underneath . What took Hogan 's breath away was the state of her legs . There were bruises everywhere , spreading from feet to upper thigh . His eyes followed the trail upward , unable to comprehend the devastation that had been caused . A dark triangle of hair protruded beneath the tails of her shirt . He blinked back tears and swallowed . ' God , Jess . I 'm so sorry . I - ' He didn 't know what to say to that . He looked at her legs again . What she must have gone through . By now she was close enough to touch . ' No - one needs to know . And I just want to sleep , nothing else . I promise . ' Before he could reply she pulled back the duvet and climbed in . He shifted over to accommodate her , keeping her back to him . She snuggled into his back and threw an arm over him . ' There . This is OK , isn 't it . ' He could feel her breasts pushing into his back . Wearing Sharon 's shirt , in his bed . But not Sharon . ' Yes , it 's OK . Now go to sleep . ' Hogan must have nodded off , for when his eyes came open he was flat on his back . Jess had a leg curled over his . It was almost light now , and he could make out the injuries that marked her flesh . Fucking barbaric , was what it was . No matter what , he would try to get her away from Andrew . She deserved at least that . He shifted a little and she murmured . Despite all his good intentions , he began to grow hard . It had been so long since he had been this close to Sharon . To anyone . He had forgotten how much he missed it . Suddenly Jess 's eyes snapped open . She looked down at him . Without a word , she swung her other leg over until she straddled him . He made to speak but she put a finger to his lips . She unbuttoned the blouse slowly , then tossed it to the floor . There was a criss cross of scars all over her chest , some tough white scar tissue , others fresher wounds , still raw and shocking . She reached under his shorts and took him in hand . Before a thought could enter his head , he was inside her . She shuddered and sat back . He went to pump his hips but she clenched and he was forced to stop . She went slow to start with , still never making a sound , then speeded up . She gritted her teeth when she came , and he followed soon after . Then she collapsed against his chest , and was asleep before he could catch his breath . When he awoke for the final time the room was flooded in daylight . Jess stood by the side of the bed , pulling on her jeans , standing in an oblong of white that shone through the curtains . He raised onto an elbow and cleared his throat . Jess looked over her shoulder at him . Her hair glowed a warm brown . He thought of her scars again and his throat went tight . A woman who was almost broken , the last fluttering sparks of hope nearly extinguished . ' I 'm going away , ' she said dreamily . ' Somewhere he won 't be able to get to me . Let this be the last memory we have of one another . ' She was oblivious to his voice . ' You know , I slept better than I have in months , with you . I liked it . I could get used to it . An endless sleep . Never having to think ever again . ' He swung his legs out of bed . ' Oh , don 't get up , ' she said . ' I 'm going to go and say goodbye to Kevin . Can 't leave without that . ' ' Where are you going to go ? ' His voice was shaky , fear creeping into it . ' Just away . You 'll remember me , won 't you ? ' He was about to reply when a car door slammed outside . He went to the window and pushed the curtain aside . His heart dropped to the base of his stomach . He turned to find the room empty . He threw on some jeans and tore downstairs to find Jess at the back door , completely oblivious to what was going on . Behind him , he heard the car boot slam . Jess opened the door and drifted to the back gate . There , she turned and waved . The sunlight shone through her . He gazed after her , then heard the key turn in the lock . He suddenly spied the hessian bag in the corner of the kitchen , and just had time to hide it under the sofa in his office before Rusty sped past , barking and wagging his tail twenty to the dozen . He stuck his head round the door as Sharon made her way inside , suitcase trailing behind her . Her cheeks were red , and she looked refreshed . She smiled at him . ' Very good , thanks . I think we both enjoyed it . ' On cue , Rusty poked his head round the kitchen door , then disappeared again . ' I think he 's hungry , ' Sharon said . They walked though and she filled his bowl with biscuits . Rusty ate a few and set off again , out the kitchen and down the hall . Just sleeping with the neighbour , he thought . Nothing much . Although his mind was replaying Jess 's last words over and over . There was something wrong . Her tone , the defeat etched on her face . Like she was ready to give up . ' It 's good to be back , ' she said . ' I 've done a lot of thinking while I was away . It was why I came back early , I wanted to see you . To start putting things right . I - ' Sharon shot off down the hall . Rusty was thrashing wildly now , and bucked in Hogan 's arms as he lifted him , scratching and drawing blood . They ran out and into the car . Sharon gunned the engine and they were away . ' Do something , Mike , ' she wailed . ' The Heimlich manoeuvre . Anything . ' Hogan looked down at Rusty , who lay flat in the footwell . He reached down and prised the dog 's jaws apart . He couldn 't see anything . He took Rusty onto his lap and placed two fingers on the base of his throat . He felt something there and pushed his fingers forward . There was little movement but a bit of pressure was released . The car screeched to a halt . They had made a ten minute journey in three minutes . Sharon was in the vet 's before he could get the passenger door open . Rusty was in a bad way now , the life was drifting out of him . ' Bring him through , ' Sharon shouted . They went through a crowded waiting room and placed Rusty on a high table . The vet was ready , pulling on plastic gloves . ' So , who is this ? ' the vet said . ' Rusty . Please help him . ' Sharon burst into tears and put her face on Hogan 's shoulder . He watched as the vet administered a sedative to Rusty , working quickly . ' Now , ' the vet said , ' this will help me find out the problem . ' He repeated Hogan 's finger trick , pushing forward beneath Rusty 's jaw . ' Yes , here we are . ' The vet moved his fingers , then opened Rusty 's mouth and searched inside . He caught on something , and extracted his hand , holding a blue piece of cloth , sodden with bile and saliva . Rusty coughed , once , then once again . Sharon clapped her hands . Even Hogan felt a sense of relief . ' Oh thank you , Doctor . Thank you . ' Sharon rushed to Rusty , who was breathing slowly . ' Please , ' the vet said , removing his glasses and wiping them . ' Give Rusty some time to rest . I will need to examine his mouth again . Just to check for abrasions and so on . ' The vet held up the offending item with a gloved hand , and shook it open . ' Ha ha , ' he said , his face reddening . ' It looks like a pair of ladies underwear . Well , dog 's will eat anything ! ' Sharon frowned as she studied the garment further . Then she turned to him , eyes hot pools of anger . ' Well , they certainly aren 't mine , ' she said . The hessian bag . Her clothes from last night . Hogan closed his eyes . He thought of Jess , backlit by the sun as she had left that morning , and he ran her words over in his mind again . Then the realisation hit , and he almost sank to the floor . No , she was never coming back . Her life was over . And now , he thought , so is mine . He opened his eyes as Sharon shouted his name , and saw Rusty looking at him . He could swear that the dog was smiling . |
February 19 , 2016 by mdpayne87 In The Doghouse OK , so I 've written a short story . My first for quite a while . Here it is … His eyes snapped open and he clenched his hands into fists . The ritual had begun . He turned over in bed . Sharon was fast asleep . Again , part of the ritual . She was impervious to the sounds , and this riled him further . He had to deal with it , and she would only get cross with him if he complained . It was their baby , after all . He got out of bed and put on a pair of slippers . He added a dressing gown , careful not to make a sound . Satisfied , he made for the door . He opened it to find Rusty lying spread across the doorway , head lying on his paws , looking up at Hogan with infuriating , pleading eyes . Orange light from a lamppost spilled through the landing window and tinged Rusty 's pupils blood red . Like the devil 's eyes , Hogan thought . An all - seeing , all - knowing devil . The challenge was how to get him downstairs without setting off a fusillade of barking that would wake the entire street . Luckily , their house was at the end of the block and the neighbouring property was currently vacant , so any noise wouldn 't be too intrusive . Even so . This was the next stage of the game , and both knew their roles with precision . Hogan nudged at Rusty 's belly with a toe . The dog whimpered and rolled onto its back . Hogan drew a sharp breath . Don 't you bark , miserable mutt . He tried again , a little more forcefully this time , and Rusty got to his feet and scuttled down the hallway , tail wagging furiously . Hogan followed , prepared to exert more force to get Rusty downstairs , but this time the dog required no further prompting and was curled up in his bed by the time Hogan reached the living room . As he always did , Hogan shook his head at the sight of the bed . The Queen could sleep in it and have no complaints . A ' Premium Dog Lounger ' , it was called . Sharon had fallen in love with it after scouring the Internet for hours , dismissing one bed after another for the tiniest flaw . Then , just as he was about to lose his temper , she clapped her hands and pointed at the screen . ' Oh , it 's perfect , ' she had said . He peered over her head . ' At that price ? Fuck , I 'm surprised it isn 't gold - plated . ' She had smiled , and he wanted to please her , just to keep that smile going , one that he had seen so rarely in the last few months . So he said yes . She kissed him then , and one thing led to another , and everything was good . And at the start , he had enjoyed having Rusty . The long walks in the park broke up the day , and as a puppy , he was well - behaved and easy to house - train . But as the months went by , and Sharon 's grief and hurt grew , she projected all her love and affection onto the dog . Spoiling him . Buying him ridiculous presents , including designer clothes . Designer clothes for an animal . It started with a hideous waterproof jacket in black and yellow halves , which she said made Rusty look ' smart ' . She would walk him in it , showing off to all and sundry . Hogan refused to do the same , telling her it was embarrassing . But the gifts kept on coming . A dog collar with a tartan print , and matching bandanna . A zebra print lead . Last Christmas a pair of plastic reindeer ears turned up in the post . Hogan had spent Christmas Day with a dog dressed up like Rudolph . It would be funny if it wasn 't so sad . Yet , he could understand why she was doing it . Some days he would be hit with a depression so strong he could barely get out of bed . He would lie awake , tears rolling down his face , mourning the loss of their unborn child . They had been trying for a baby ever since marriage , and after nearly a year , Sharon had fallen pregnant . The early stages of the pregnancy had gone without a hitch , and they had been talking of the future , names and schools and all the rest . Then one night , she had awoken with a cramping pain in her stomach . Over the next few hours , she thrashed about in the sheets , gripping Hogan 's hand so hard her nails left crescent - shaped marks in his palms . Eventually , they both fell into a restless sleep . He woke up to a scene he would never forget . Sharon was gone . He sat up and heard crying , retching sounds coming from the bathroom . Sharon was sitting on the toilet bowl , sobbing . Her nightgown was stained red . He went to her and she buried her head to his chest , screaming . He managed to lift her to a standing position , the horror of what had happened starting to take hold . He lifted the toilet bowl and there were smudges of blood on the porcelain , the water a red syrupy colour . Their baby , gone . He saw finger smudges on the toilet handle and realised she had flushed the remains down the toilet . Remains . Their baby , reduced to a few marks of blood . Gorge rose in his throat and he swallowed it down . Sharon continued to cry . And as she cried , a small , unexpected well of resentment flowered in his chest . That she had flushed their child away like a common turd . He went to her , knowing that it wasn 't her fault , that she was going through hell . They cleaned up and phoned the hospital . Cried a flood of tears . But for Hogan , that resentment was always there , a little ember that glowed with every passing breath . Sharon was off to work early the next morning , after fussing over Rusty during breakfast . Hogan hated how the dog had encroached onto their meal times . This was especially prevalent at dinner , as Sharon insisted on feeding him morsels of food from her plate , carving off a slice of chicken and tossing it to the floor . It was like a medieval banquet , the decorum she showed . His protests , and there were many , fell on deaf ears . Whilst Sharon was off to cut hair and exchange gossip , Hogan made a cup of coffee and took it through to his office . He worked from home as a freelance writer for financial publications . The pay was surprisingly lucrative and he enjoyed the solitude . Until now , that was . Despite Rusty 's arrival in the household being Sharon 's idea , somehow the roles had been reversed and he spent more time looking after him than she did . Still , it was good that she was back at work . He hoped she would start to come to terms with the loss of the baby and they could get back some of the happiness that had been lost . Thankfully , the dog was asleep on his bed , and Hogan fell into his work . He wrote for an hour , then went for more coffee . As the kettle boiled , a tick tack of paws sounded on the lino , and there he was , barking and fizzing in and out of Hogan 's legs . Hogan sighed . It was time for the morning walk . It had been raining overnight and the park was likely to be muddy , so Hogan changed into wellington boots and reached for his parka , which hung on a hook by the back door . He felt the inside pocket for the familiar shape of his cigarettes . He had only been smoking again for three months , after a two year abstention . Ever since the baby , in fact . Sharon knew nothing , and he was happy to keep it that way . She would only be in his ear about it , but well , some battles you lose , others you win . He never smoked in the house , but had come to relish his morning cigarette . There had to be one pleasure from having a dog . He picked the least garish lead and hooked it to Rusty 's collar , and they were on their way . The cloud was low and ominous . The park lay beyond the row of houses in their block , and as Hogan passed the neighbours , he saw a figure in the upstairs window , polishing . A pile of boxes were stacked against the glass . So , new neighbours . As he made to leave the figure caught his eye . He waved at the man , but received no response . As they neared the park Rusty grew excited and pulled hard on the leash . Hogan unhooked him and Rusty bounded away across the field , barking with great gusto . He ran past the football pitch and stopped to sniff at a row of bushes before returning to Hogan , who retrieved a ball from his pocket and threw it in a long arc down the field . Rusty set off after it , and Hogan reached for his cigarettes . As he shook one out of the packet he saw Rusty charging towards another dog , barking loudly . There was a blur of white and brown fur as the pair sized each other up . In the distance , a woman was striding towards them . Hogan did the same . The dogs were sniffing each other as he approached . Rusty towered over his companion and gave the dog a playful nip on the backside . This set off a crescendo of barks . By now the woman had reached the pair and had separated her dog , putting him back on the leash . Hogan jogged the last few paces to meet them . She ran a hand through her hair , nodded . ' Moved only yesterday , as it happens . We live in the block over there . Saw the park and knew it would be perfect for Kevin . ' He followed the direction of her finger . ' Ah , so we must be neighbours , then . I live in the house on the corner . Welcome to the neighbourhood . ' She smiled . ' Thank you . It 's convenient for my husband 's job . Close to the airport , he said . You won 't see much of him . He 's away on business a lot . The high flying world of corporate law . ' She recited the words in a monotone drawl , like a prepared script . The man in the window , Hogan thought . He nodded . ' Right . I 'm the opposite , as it happens . I work from home . Freelance , you know . ' Kevin got to his feet and looked up at Jess with pleading eyes . ' Oh ok , ' she said . ' Well I 'm the dutiful housewife , so I 'm at home most of the time too . Anyway , I think this one has probably had enough for one morning . I 'd better be getting back . ' ' I 'm sure that 's a good idea , ' Jess said , tightening her grip on Kevin 's leash . ' It was nice to meet you , Mike . ' She moved past him . He caught a whiff of perfume . Hogan realised he was still holding the cigarette , and now lit it . He let Rusty off the leash and continued to smoke . He worked solidly through the afternoon , stopping at four to take Rusty for his afternoon walk . He thought Jess and Kevin might be out there again , but they weren 't . He got home just as Sharon walked through the door , carrying a couple of shopping bags . ' A dogbrella , they call it . You hold it like this , then he won 't get wet when going for a walk . Isn 't it great ? ' He placed his hands on the table . ' In this case , yes . This sort of stuff is a complete waste of money . I 'll look like an utter fool , carting that thing around with me . ' His anger rose a few notches . ' Well I 'm the one who has to walk the bloody thing every day . All you do is spoil him with pointless gifts that we can 't afford and he doesn 't even need ! I 'm getting sick of it , quite frankly . ' ' Sharon , he 's a dog . You treat him like a child . In case you 've forgotten , he isn 't one . ' Her voice lowered to a whisper . ' You bastard . Of all the hurtful things you could say . ' He closed his eyes . ' Look , I 'm sorry , alright ? But , and I hate to say it , you can 't get over what happened by doing this . ' He shrugged his shoulders . ' You know what , Sharon ? I really don 't know . You won 't talk to me about any of it , so I 've had to draw my own conclusions . I know you 're grieving . I am too . But this isn 't the way , and it won 't help . ' She started to cry . He made to go to her , but the venom in her eyes stopped him short . ' I 'll never forgive you for saying that . Never . Make your own dinner . ' She stormed out of the room , slamming the door behind her . Hogan kicked the umbrella across the kitchen . Nicely done , Mike . All the subtlety of a sledgehammer . But deep down , he knew he was right . He turned and saw Rusty 's eyes on him , and his hatred for the dog ratcheted up even further . ' What are you fucking staring at ? ' he shouted , and went back to his office . Sharon didn 't come out for the rest of the evening . He ate a meal of microwaved leftovers , then tried to talk to her . He knocked on the bedroom door and was met with silence . He twisted the handle . Locked . He stood there for a long time , apologising over and over , but in the end gave up . It was the spare room for tonight . Maybe for every night . Things were falling apart . Rusty was gone when he reached the kitchen . No doubt tucked up in bed , enjoying a better night 's sleep then he was going to get . Just as well . He couldn 't face looking at him again tonight . The air was cool as he stepped out onto the porch and lit up . The smoke curled up towards the upstairs window but the curtains were drawn . He stepped further into the garden , turned and looked up at the bedroom . No signs of life . As he did so his eyes lingered on the adjacent window . The curtains were drawn here too , but the light was on and two silhouettes could be seen behind them . He recognised the outlines of Jess and her husband . He was pointing a finger at her . Hogan thought he could hear raised voices . The figure of her husband moved towards her and there was a mingling of their shadows . Then both disappeared from view . For the next few days Hogan saw little of Sharon . They were in a battle of prolonged silences and resentment , and fighting for the right to sleep in the bedroom . Some evenings she would lock the door , others stay out late and take the spare room when she returned . Leaving him to wake in a large empty bed , starting the day with a hollow in his heart . Their conversations were nothing more than perfunctory , the barest of glances as they passed on the stairs or in the hallway . In many ways , he wished she would shout at him again . At least show she cared . This perpetual silent treatment was far more suffocating . In the end Hogan set up camp in the office and ate , slept and worked there . His only breaks were to feed or walk Rusty . Thankfully there had been no more presents since his outburst over the umbrella . Every time he saw it some of the old rage came flooding back . Without the dog , they had a chance . His presence was ruining everything . On their walks , he wondered about Jess . What the deal was with her husband . A guy who for all intents and purposes was never there . He thought she must be lonely , and realised that he knew how that felt . Since Rusty had arrived , loneliness had seeped into his being and was spreading . Then , one morning , he did see her . Sharon had left without walking Rusty , so he had his breakfast and then faced the inevitable . The clouds above were almost black but he thought they could make it before the heavens opened . He took an umbrella with him - the human kind . Dogs ? Well , they could make do . Rusty was in an energetic mood and tired out quickly . Hogan smoked his cigarette and as he extinguished the butt a drop of rain fell on the back of his hand . He tethered Rusty to the leash as the rain grew in strength , and as he looked up Jess and Kevin were coming towards him . She was wearing jeans and wellington boots . Kevin was free of clothing . The rain was coming down harder now , and Hogan struggled to erect his umbrella whilst keeping hold of Rusty . Once he did so , Jess and Kevin were upon them . She put up the hood of her jacket for protection . She hesitated , then joined him under the canopy . The dogs remained out in the storm . She shook off the hood and rubbed her hair . Hogan noticed a dark area of skin on the left side of her face , just above the jawline . It was disguised with make - up , but was definitely a bruise . A bad one . They set off across the field . Halfway home a gust of wind blew the umbrella inside out , and for a minute they were buffeted by the rain . As they reached the corner of the estate , the rain began to ease . Hogan looked at her . Inside , Rusty took the opportunity to shake himself dry , sending a spray of water across the kitchen , Hogan taking the brunt of it . This set Jess off laughing , and Hogan joined in . He couldn 't remember the last time he had really laughed . It had been a long while . Once the kettle was on he went to change and to find Jess a towel . On his return he found she had put the dogs outside , who were now bounding around the garden like old friends . He passed her the towel . ' Here , get yourself dry . I 'll make the coffee . ' She wiped her face and hair with the towel as he spooned coffee into mugs . With her skin now dry , he could see the bruise with much greater clarity . He thought of the argument he had seen in the upstairs window . But that was two and two making five . It was probably perfectly innocent . She blew on her coffee , put it to her lips . ' I wouldn 't know . He 's hardly been here . And now he 's gone again . Your guess is as good as mine . ' Again , that staccato delivery . ' Yeah , I haven 't seen my wife much lately either . Having a few problems at the moment . ' He had no idea why he had said that , and regretted it . She eyed him over the top of her mug . ' Yeah , well . That 's married life for you . It hasn 't planned out the way I thought it would . ' ' I 'm sorry to hear that . Well , if you ever need a chat , feel free to drop round . My wife could probably give you better advice , but um , she 's not in a hospitable mood right now . ' ' Hey , he said , ' it can 't be that bad , ' and that set her off into racking sobs . He crouched beside her chair , bewildered . She raised her face and threw her arms round his neck . He patted her back as tears fell onto his sodden shirt . They stayed that way for a long time . She kept her arms round his neck and now he could feel her breasts pushing against his chest . He adjusted his body and her arms came free . He got up and found a box of tissues . She took a few and wiped her nose and mouth . ' You know , if you hated my coffee that much all you had to do was say so . ' ' I know you did . Thank you . ' She hugged him again , then drew back and looked at him , their faces inches apart . She placed her hands on the side of his face and kissed him . Hogan was too startled to speak . She walked to the door and opened it . Kevin came dutifully to her . She waved once , and was gone . Hogan ran a hand over his lips . When he took them away , they were shaking . He sat at the table for a long time . He could feel the imprint of her kiss on his lips . He was mostly shocked by it , but a small part of him was thrilled . I have to talk to Sharon , he thought . No more games . We need to sort this out before it all falls to pieces . It was dark when Sharon returned home . The kitchen was clean and Rusty had settled down for the night . He was nursing a small whisky when her key scratched in the lock . He knew she would run to the bedroom , so followed her up the stairs . He managed to get a foot in the door before she had a chance to close it . She pushed vainly , but his strength was greater . The door opened wide . She was sitting on the bed , looking down at her hands . He closed his eyes . ' Look , we can try again . For another baby , I mean . There 's no reason we can 't have a healthy child . ' ' Easy for you to say . You don 't have a clue what I went through . I think about it every single day . Dream about it , about him . And when I look at you , it makes it worse . Seeing that anger etched on your face , like it 's my fault . It 's like a dagger to my heart . ' He felt his own tears coming now . ' Sharon , please . I 'm so sorry . All I want to do is support you . Look after you . I 've never blamed you . Never . ' She stood up . ' Then why do I not believe you ? And seeing the way you treat Rusty , I wonder how good a father you would have made . ' ' Rusty 's a dog ! Not a child . It 's not the same thing . And I 'm the one who walks and feeds him every day . I think I 'm doing a pretty good job . ' She walked to the closet and began rummaging through her clothes . ' Well , you 're going to get some more practise . I think it 's best if I move out for a while . ' Her face softened slightly . ' Look , I need some time to myself . To think about everything . I 'm not sure if we can get past this . I 'll be back to see Rusty . Check that you are looking after him properly . ' She threw a suitcase onto the bed and started throwing clothes into it . ' I 've made up my mind . You think this is easy for me , it isn 't . Leaving Rusty behind breaks my heart . ' He made to say something , but she raised a hand . ' I know I 'm asking a lot , but can you leave me in peace ? Right now , I just want to be out of here . ' She pulled away and called for Rusty . ' Oh darling , ' she said , ruffling his ears . ' Mummy 's going away for a little while . But I love you very much , and I 'll see you soon , OK ? ' ' Bye , Mike , ' she said , and before he could reply , she was gone . The hole inside him had grown , and he knew of only one way to fill it . He demolished the rest of the whisky bottle and passed out on the office couch , tears drying on his face . Rusty didn 't help . He was pining for Sharon and being difficult . Hogan confined their walks to no further than the end of the road and back . He corresponded with clients via email , ignored his phone and retreated from public view . The only person he spoke to was Sharon . It was a Friday when she turned up at last . Hogan was in the kitchen , clock - watching . He found he did that a lot in the evenings , listening out for her arrival . He missed her , that much he knew . And Rusty definitely did . ' Hi , ' she said . Rusty shot out of the living room at a rate of knots , covering her face with licks and slobber . Hogan took a breath and followed . ' Hi , ' he replied . She had done something to her hair , made it darker . It reminded him of Jess . ' Someone 's pleased to see you . ' Hogan gritted his teeth . ' So , ' he said as she extracted herself from Rusty and walked behind him to the kitchen , ' how have you been ? Where have you been staying ? ' He watched her remove her coat . She didn 't sit in her usual chair , instead taking the one nearest the door . Rusty came in and lay at her feet . She stroked Rusty . ' Well , this one looks as good as new . Maybe there is hope for you after all . ' She smiled , some kindness behind her eyes . ' Yeah , yeah . I get the message . ' They were both smiling now , and Hogan realised how much he missed this . The gentle banter , the affection . ' Listen , ' she was saying . ' Can I ask a favour ? I 've taken a few days off and booked a cottage in the country . Got a great deal on Airbnb . Very dog - friendly . Would you mind if I take Rusty with me ? I need some peace and quiet to think , and would love his company . Do you mind ? ' She drank a quick cup of coffee and gathered up Rusty 's things . She insisted on taking his bed and toys , and her car boot was full by the time they had finished . She slammed the boot shut and opened the passenger door for Rusty . He bounded in , circled a couple of times , then curled up in the footwell . She put a hand up to stop him . ' Not now , Mike . Please . Give us this time away , and when I get back , we 'll talk again . Sit down and figure something out . ' Hogan couldn 't remember the last time he had had a weekend to himself . Probably in the bachelor days , and as the weekend progressed he reverted to those old habits - getting up late , eating a vast array of junk food , drinking too much and generally not caring about any of it . He missed Sharon terribly , but the absence of Rusty did not make the heart grow fonder . It wasn 't the dog 's fault , but Hogan saw in this time off how much of a hold Rusty had over their lives , particularly Sharon 's . He knew that she would never agree with him on this , but he hoped that on her trip she would realise that her attitude towards Rusty was unreasonable , and having a detrimental effect on their relationship . The balance had shifted too far one way . Surely she had to see that ? Sunday brought with it torrential rain with didn 't let up all day . Hogan worked for a while , then spent a long couple of hours sitting in the kitchen , drinking whisky and thinking long thoughts . The weather had brought on a feeling of restlessness , and he needed to snap out of it . He carried his glass through to the lounge and switched the TV on . The rain continued to come down and he was glad to be ensconced inside . He found some football on one of the sports channels and settled down to watch . The whisky bottle was half empty when there was a knock at the door . It was late , and Hogan was tempted to ignore it . The knocking continued with greater urgency . Sighing , he got up to answer it . Jess stood before him and she looked an awful sight . She was soaking wet , mascara running down her cheeks . Her face was a mess , with an ugly bruise on her temple and swelling around her top lip . Her eyes were red and bloodshot . She was wearing only a thin summer dress with a cardigan over the top . Goosebumps were visible on her arms . She followed him without saying a word . He pointed her towards the bathroom while he found a fresh towel in the airing cupboard . He thought she would need clean clothes , so found an old blouse and pair of jeans of Sharon 's . Probably a bit too small , but would do the job . He added them to the towel and entered the bathroom . Jess was sitting on the toilet , head in her hands . He made them both a whisky as the shower started to run . He thought of her bruise . The vision of them arguing in the upstairs window . It was pretty obvious how she had been injured . The realisation made Hogan 's stomach crawl . The shower finally subsided as he stepped to the back door to smoke an impromptu cigarette . It was still raining so he stood inside and blew the smoke out . As he neared the butt , there was a sound behind him . Jess stood , eyes lowered to the floor , clutching a hessian bag to her chest . He dropped the cigarette to the patio and ground it out . He led her through . He took his usual seat and switched the TV off . She took the couch , sitting with knees pressed together and whisky glass clenched in both hands . She looked a little better after the shower . Her face was scrubbed free of make up and colour was returning to her cheeks . She wouldn 't look him in the eye , though . He could see that she was still scared out of her wits . ' Jess , what happened ? ' he asked . Silence . ' OK , OK , I understand if you don 't want to tell me . Although I think you might need to go to the hospital , that lip could need stitches . I can run you down there , no problem . ' This time she did raise her head . ' I said no hospital . ' She drained her glass . ' Another one of these wouldn 't go amiss , though . ' He made to say something but thought better off it . When he returned she snatched the glass and drank half of it in one swallow . After , the silence resumed . ' Why ? Maybe I didn 't cook his steak the way he likes it . He 's very particular about his food . ' Her eyes filled with tears . ' Or I could have left a towel on the floor in the bathroom . There could be any number of reasons . ' Hogan grinded his teeth . The fucking coward . ' Although tonight was worse than usual . I can tell when he 's going to kick off , you know . His nostrils get all puffy , like a bull 's . And the eyes . I dream about those eyes sometimes . The pupils get so wide it almost looks like they are black . ' ' So anyway , I was in the kitchen when he came up behind me and put his hand on my neck . I was so scared I peed myself a little bit . I tried to turn around but he slammed my head forward . I caught my mouth on the side of a cupboard , hence this . ' She pointed to her lip . ' He picked me up and hit me a couple of times . Usually he goes for a less obvious area . The belly , most often . I must have passed out for a bit . When I came to , he was standing over me , showering me with abuse . Then he went upstairs . When I could stand I staggered to the door and basically fell out into the rain . A few minutes later he came down , stepped over me and drove off . I lay there for a while , thankful it was over . For now at least . And now I 'm here . ' She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes . ' You need to know any more , or is that enough ? ' ' Oh , most of the time he 's the perfect husband . He 'll turn up in a day or two , all apologetic , and for a while he 'll treat me like a queen . ' She shrugged . She held out the glass for more whisky . ' Right now , this is all I want . ' She looked at him full on , now . ' But thank you , Mike . Really . Just telling you this , has been a big help . I won 't forget it . ' They sat drinking for a long time , both in their own silences . Hogan tried to get her to go the police but she was adamant . As the night wore on , she was becoming drunk . They both were . When the bottle finally ran out , she rose on unsteady legs . ' Better get home , ' she mumbled . She frowned , then took a step forward and stumbled towards him . ' Maybe that 's a good idea . ' She fell into him . He bent down and picked her up . She was lighter than air . As he carried her she smiled up at him , the bruise big and angry and red . I 'll get you , cunt . He thought . If the police won 't , I will . ' So I 've been told , ' he replied . ' Now , if you need anything , I 'm next door . Any time of the night , you just knock , you hear ? ' ' Goodnight , ' he said . At the door , he turned to look . From behind , in his drunkenness , she was the split of Sharon . He closed his eyes and shut the door behind him . He fell into a restless and agitated sleep . There were dreams , fleeting images that passed through his brain in a flash and were gone . He woke cocooned in the sheets , head facing the wall . His tongue was dry and the beginnings of a headache were gnawing at the base of his skull . The light in the room was grey and murky , suggesting that dawn was not far away . Hogan closed his eyes , willing himself back to sleep . There was a shuffling sound behind him . He rolled over . Jess was standing at the foot of the bed , wearing the blouse and jeans . ' Jess , you startled me . Is everything all right ? ' He groped for the bedside lamp . ' Please don 't turn on the light , ' she said . Her voice carried no inflection at all . ' I couldn 't sleep . Turning things over and over in my head . ' He sat up . Her bruises were starkly visible , even at this light . ' There are some sleeping pills in the bathroom . I 'll get you one . ' She shook her head . ' No . That 's not what I want . ' With her eyes on him , she began unbuttoning her jeans . She rolled them down her legs , then kicked them away . She was naked underneath . What took Hogan 's breath away was the state of her legs . There were bruises everywhere , spreading from feet to upper thigh . His eyes followed the trail upward , unable to comprehend the devastation that had been caused . A dark triangle of hair protruded beneath the tails of her shirt . He blinked back tears and swallowed . ' God , Jess . I 'm so sorry . I - ' He didn 't know what to say to that . He looked at her legs again . What she must have gone through . By now she was close enough to touch . ' No - one needs to know . And I just want to sleep , nothing else . I promise . ' Before he could reply she pulled back the duvet and climbed in . He shifted over to accommodate her , keeping her back to him . She snuggled into his back and threw an arm over him . ' There . This is OK , isn 't it . ' He could feel her breasts pushing into his back . Wearing Sharon 's shirt , in his bed . But not Sharon . ' Yes , it 's OK . Now go to sleep . ' Hogan must have nodded off , for when his eyes came open he was flat on his back . Jess had a leg curled over his . It was almost light now , and he could make out the injuries that marked her flesh . Fucking barbaric , was what it was . No matter what , he would try to get her away from Andrew . She deserved at least that . He shifted a little and she murmured . Despite all his good intentions , he began to grow hard . It had been so long since he had been this close to Sharon . To anyone . He had forgotten how much he missed it . Suddenly Jess 's eyes snapped open . She looked down at him . Without a word , she swung her other leg over until she straddled him . He made to speak but she put a finger to his lips . She unbuttoned the blouse slowly , then tossed it to the floor . There was a criss cross of scars all over her chest , some tough white scar tissue , others fresher wounds , still raw and shocking . She reached under his shorts and took him in hand . Before a thought could enter his head , he was inside her . She shuddered and sat back . He went to pump his hips but she clenched and he was forced to stop . She went slow to start with , still never making a sound , then speeded up . She gritted her teeth when she came , and he followed soon after . Then she collapsed against his chest , and was asleep before he could catch his breath . When he awoke for the final time the room was flooded in daylight . Jess stood by the side of the bed , pulling on her jeans , standing in an oblong of white that shone through the curtains . He raised onto an elbow and cleared his throat . Jess looked over her shoulder at him . Her hair glowed a warm brown . He thought of her scars again and his throat went tight . A woman who was almost broken , the last fluttering sparks of hope nearly extinguished . ' I 'm going away , ' she said dreamily . ' Somewhere he won 't be able to get to me . Let this be the last memory we have of one another . ' She was oblivious to his voice . ' You know , I slept better than I have in months , with you . I liked it . I could get used to it . An endless sleep . Never having to think ever again . ' He swung his legs out of bed . ' Oh , don 't get up , ' she said . ' I 'm going to go and say goodbye to Kevin . Can 't leave without that . ' ' Where are you going to go ? ' His voice was shaky , fear creeping into it . ' Just away . You 'll remember me , won 't you ? ' He was about to reply when a car door slammed outside . He went to the window and pushed the curtain aside . His heart dropped to the base of his stomach . He turned to find the room empty . He threw on some jeans and tore downstairs to find Jess at the back door , completely oblivious to what was going on . Behind him , he heard the car boot slam . Jess opened the door and drifted to the back gate . There , she turned and waved . The sunlight shone through her . He gazed after her , then heard the key turn in the lock . He suddenly spied the hessian bag in the corner of the kitchen , and just had time to hide it under the sofa in his office before Rusty sped past , barking and wagging his tail twenty to the dozen . He stuck his head round the door as Sharon made her way inside , suitcase trailing behind her . Her cheeks were red , and she looked refreshed . She smiled at him . ' Very good , thanks . I think we both enjoyed it . ' On cue , Rusty poked his head round the kitchen door , then disappeared again . ' I think he 's hungry , ' Sharon said . They walked though and she filled his bowl with biscuits . Rusty ate a few and set off again , out the kitchen and down the hall . Just sleeping with the neighbour , he thought . Nothing much . Although his mind was replaying Jess 's last words over and over . There was something wrong . Her tone , the defeat etched on her face . Like she was ready to give up . ' It 's good to be back , ' she said . ' I 've done a lot of thinking while I was away . It was why I came back early , I wanted to see you . To start putting things right . I - ' Sharon shot off down the hall . Rusty was thrashing wildly now , and bucked in Hogan 's arms as he lifted him , scratching and drawing blood . They ran out and into the car . Sharon gunned the engine and they were away . ' Do something , Mike , ' she wailed . ' The Heimlich manoeuvre . Anything . ' Hogan looked down at Rusty , who lay flat in the footwell . He reached down and prised the dog 's jaws apart . He couldn 't see anything . He took Rusty onto his lap and placed two fingers on the base of his throat . He felt something there and pushed his fingers forward . There was little movement but a bit of pressure was released . The car screeched to a halt . They had made a ten minute journey in three minutes . Sharon was in the vet 's before he could get the passenger door open . Rusty was in a bad way now , the life was drifting out of him . ' Bring him through , ' Sharon shouted . They went through a crowded waiting room and placed Rusty on a high table . The vet was ready , pulling on plastic gloves . ' So , who is this ? ' the vet said . ' Rusty . Please help him . ' Sharon burst into tears and put her face on Hogan 's shoulder . He watched as the vet administered a sedative to Rusty , working quickly . ' Now , ' the vet said , ' this will help me find out the problem . ' He repeated Hogan 's finger trick , pushing forward beneath Rusty 's jaw . ' Yes , here we are . ' The vet moved his fingers , then opened Rusty 's mouth and searched inside . He caught on something , and extracted his hand , holding a blue piece of cloth , sodden with bile and saliva . Rusty coughed , once , then once again . Sharon clapped her hands . Even Hogan felt a sense of relief . ' Oh thank you , Doctor . Thank you . ' Sharon rushed to Rusty , who was breathing slowly . ' Please , ' the vet said , removing his glasses and wiping them . ' Give Rusty some time to rest . I will need to examine his mouth again . Just to check for abrasions and so on . ' The vet held up the offending item with a gloved hand , and shook it open . ' Ha ha , ' he said , his face reddening . ' It looks like a pair of ladies underwear . Well , dog 's will eat anything ! ' Sharon frowned as she studied the garment further . Then she turned to him , eyes hot pools of anger . ' Well , they certainly aren 't mine , ' she said . The hessian bag . Her clothes from last night . Hogan closed his eyes . He thought of Jess , backlit by the sun as she had left that morning , and he ran her words over in his mind again . Then the realisation hit , and he almost sank to the floor . No , she was never coming back . Her life was over . And now , he thought , so is mine . He opened his eyes as Sharon shouted his name , and saw Rusty looking at him . He could swear that the dog was smiling . |
Here I am - - back at my MIL 's house in Kingfisher , America . The house - jacker - upper people are here today along with the Heat and Air people . The lawn has totally croaked from the drought and the remaining bushes and trees aren 't far behind . I have had the hose running in the " flood system " ever since I arrived this morning at 10 AM . It is 3 PM now . I guess I better explain the " flood system " . My husband likes to use the kind of sprinklers that have long spikes on them , and you stick them down in the dirt . Then you put another one in the dirt several yards away from the first one - - and then another and another . You hook up a hose , and then 3 or 4 of the things are SUPPOSED to go around in circles in a retarded jerky motion . I HATE them with a passion . They NEVER work . They never go around and they only jerk in one direction and not the other . SO , when I water the lawn - - and when he isn 't looking - - I just turn on the hose and put it in the garden and let it run until it FLOODS it with water . Then I move it in another garden and FLOOD it . Hence , the " flood system " . Sometimes I put on a single sprinkler that sprays way up in the air like a giant fan and goes back and forth and back and forth . Jerry has a FIT whenever he sees me watering . He isn 't HERE today , so I am using the flood system . I want the water to stay ON THE GROUND - - not up in the air evaporating into steam in the 105 degree heat wave ! While I have been watering everything I can reach with a hose , the house - jacker - upper people have been working on the side of the house even though the man in charge - - Wes - - informed me that that would not work because it wasn 't the problem . Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay . Why the * ! * ! * are they here then ! ? He thinks maybe the front of the house needs to be jacked up now . After that , I suppose it will be the garage or the shed out back that needs jacking - up ! As I was driving here this morning from my house in Edmond , I remembered that the AC doesn 't work here . We had to have it filled with freon twice last summer . We were going to replace the unit , but the AC company never could figure out how much it would cost or when they could do it , so we put it off . I called S & J Heat and Air while driving here to see if they could come here today since I would probably be spending the night . I talked to Tanya . Tanya said , " Oh , my ! There is no way we could possibly come out today . We had 50 calls just this morning . We have four men , and they are all out all day . We couldn 't possibly come until tomorrow . " Would you believe I got a call about 1 : 30 and the owner of the company , Craig , just came here himself about 2 PM , and he has filled the AC with freon , and it is cooling off wonderfully in this 80 degree house right now ! Thank you , God , for that ! ! ! ! I would have had to sleep here tonight in a very hot house otherwise . Before all the trucks arrived to fix stuff here , I had time to go down to Countrywood Living Center to visit Mom - - actually , Jerry 's Mom , but I am much closer to her than my own Mother . I found her sitting at a table putting a 500 - piece puzzle together . She had just barely begun . I gave her a hug and sat down next to her , and she seemed to know exactly who I was . The puzzle had a rifle and a dog in it . I mentioned to Mom that Jerry had just bought a gun to shoot turtles with . Then I suggested that we find all the pieces to put the dog together in the puzzle , and Mom kept saying it was a turtle . Later , she asked me where Bernard was ? Bernard is her brother who has been dead for years . I think she knew she knew me , but she wasn 't sure WHO exactly I was . In a bit , an older gentleman - - well , they are ALL old , aren 't they ? - - came over to the table and sat down with us . He began looking for puzzle pieces with corn on them at my request . I was helping them both put pieces together when someone announced that lunch was ready . I told them I had to go , but the man and Mom both asked me over and over to stay for lunch . I told them I hadn 't called ahead . They said they didn 't care , they were taking me to their table . One of the workers there motioned to me that it was fine , so I sat with them and ate lunch . When I got up to leave , they begged me to come back again tomorrow . I can 't tell you HOW WONDERFUL it is to have someone WANT me to come see them - - even if they are old and half out of their minds ! I really enjoyed being there , and I believe I will go back tomorrow . I better go outside and check my " floods " . If I don 't check often here , I end up watering the neighbor 's yards , and they aren 't used to being watered . People just can 't afford the water bills in a drought . We need rain so desperately . So guess what I brought with me to work on while I am all by myself in the evenings ? Nope ! You said sewing , didn 't you ? I do have a machine here , but I have moved all the fabric and notions out of here , and I didn 't feel like packing them all back up for just a few days . I brought my jewelry . I have this laptop computer that I am typing on right now , and I can watch my jewelry class at Craftsy . com and make some jewelry . This computer is giving me FITS ! It keeps freezing and my typing jumps up into paragraphs I 'm not even in ! Hopefully , it will work better tomorrow . Maybe it is because I am downloading a thousand updates . It is Sunday , and I am missing my husband today . I always think I won 't miss him because he is always working when we are together , and I don 't see him that much anyway . And when we are together , it is usually in front of a tv screen . I decided to watch our preacher , Duane Sheriff , today . I have heard the sermon he preached today before , but it was a great reminder . It was about the FEAR of God and what that actually means . I was talking with my friend , Pam , about this very subject recently . I was raised both ways , as I was raised in one denomination as a child , another as a teenager , and a third as an adult . The denomination I grew up in - - like the one Duane grew up in - - taught that you were going to go to Hell every time you did the least little thing wrong . And EVERYTHING was a sin . I have probably been to the altar trying to get my sins forgiven more than anyone ! I used to wonder if it was EVER going to " take " . Later in life , I learned from much wiser teachers / preachers about how to FEAR God properly . I am comfortable in my belief that God loves me no matter how much I screw up as long as in my heart , I truly want to please him and do his will . And I do . Yesterday , Phylly came over , and we played in the sewing room all day . I don 't think I accomplished ANYTHING , but Phylly did . She has FINALLY gotten her pants pattern trimmed down so you can actually see her body is inside the pants she makes . The pair she had on looked fabulous on her , and the pair she made while she was here , will look great too . I don 't have any pictures , but she is suppose to send me some . Don 't hold your breath ! She is making them with her Sure - fit Designs blueprint for pants , but she has had to revise it quite a bit . Maybe she just started over . Remember , she has lost 30 pounds . As for me . I am making a top I have made three times before . I decided that I needed to make it bigger for some reason , so I added 1 / 2 " to each side seam FORGETTING that I was really adding 2 inches by doing that . It was way too big ! 1 / 8 " would have been plenty . It is an empire design sleeveless top , and I thought I was such a super - genious to think to make TWO pattern pieces for the bottom - - where only one had been provided - - so I could do the sway back correction on the back piece . I suppose that would have worked out really well if I had REMEMBERED I had done that . When I got the blouse all sewn together , the front was short and the back was long , and it looked all crazy . I didn 't figure it out until I turned it inside out to press the empire waist seam and I saw the giant red washable marker letters saying " BACK " and " FRONT " which by then were each in the opposite place they were supposed to be in . So my new blouse now has a SWAY STOMACH correction ! I had to put the blouse on and Phylly had to hold up a giant metal measuring stick while I twirled around and around so she could measure up from the floor to the hem on this blouse . Since the " sway back " was in the front , that meant the back was longer than the front . Usually , the back is shorter than the front . Here is a picture of the strip I cut off . The wider part came off the back , thereby , putting the " sway back " correction back in . Clear as mud , I 'm sure . I 'm on Jerry 's computer , and he doesn 't have any photo - fixer software , so pardon sloppy pics . I 've decided I 'm bored and want to go out to dinner . Hopefully , I can get Margaret to feel sorry for me and come with me . The air conditioning in here sure is NICE ! The new unit was put in all day Friday . So glad that and the termite issue are over with . Now , I wait until Tuesday to go back to Kingfisher - - Jerry 's Mom 's house - - where the Power Lift people are to show up and RE - lift one side of the house . Another fun day , for sure ! Hugs , Joy Posted by I don 't have the strength left in me to go into detail . Margaret got to hear the blow - by - blow at dinner just a bit ago where I had the most marvelous coconut shrimp - steak - crab leg - steamed veggie - salad dinner . We were celebrating Margaret 's birthday , so I didn 't want it to look like I wasn 't having a good time . I did manage not to order dessert , however . You know the air conditioner doesn 't work . It worked for two days with the 5 pounds of freon the AC company put in on Monday , but by this morning it was 78 degrees in here and rising . I had asked the AC company to install the new air conditioner on Friday because the Termite people were already scheduled for today , and I figured one demolition at a time would be all I could handle . The AC company did send a nice guy out to put in one more pound of freon to last me until tomorrow morning . VERY NICE ! Last time I was here - - about 3 weeks ago - - I noticed white wings sprinkled like confetti all over the top of my treadmill . I had seen that before in one of our Pharmacy 's years ago , so I knew what it was . I told Jerry about it , and he IMMEDIATELY got on Angie 's list to look up a good termite killer in this area . He picked the one with the ravest reviews , and the owner of the small family - owned company arrived in about an hour . That was GREAT ! The owner , Darin , told us that he would have to drill holes in the wall where the treadmill is , which is on the other side of the hot water heater closet , because the termites were in the center of the house ; and they would not get them by just drilling all around the entire outside of the house . I asked him then if they had a carpet person to lift the carpet and put it back . He said that ONLY HE could do that . About 7 AM this morning , Mike rang the doorbell . I was barely through my first cup of coffee and looked like something the cat drug in , but I went to the door . Nobody there . I had to step out on the porch and holler to his truck . He came around the truck so I could see him . I waved at him and went back in the house . Shortly thereafter , Darin arrived . He came into the bedroom and lifted up the carpet and the pad so Mike could drill holes there . Shortly after that , Mike came in with his 5 foot long drill bit and proceeded to walk around in his shoes with no covers on them . He drilled the deep holes in the cement causing piles of cement to creep up the drill bit and arrange themselves like ant hills around every hole . I walked in about that time . Mike shoved the pad and the carpet down onto the ant hills , and then went back outside . I immediately walked over and lifted the carpet and pad back up to see what was under it . Darin had gone outside to write up a contract , so I waited for him to come back in . When he returned to collect his money , I invited him to come see the bedroom . I showed him the mess in the corner and bent down to put my hand in it to move some of it around . I told him I couldn 't BELIEVE the guy just covered it with the carpet . He went out to tell Mike . Mike returned with a FILTHY dustpan with a long handle on it and the nastiest black broom that he used to sweep the cement ant hills off the cement all around the house and then scrub the new wet cement dots with . Hence , it was covered with white cement dust , dirt and some fresh cement from outside . Before he could come all the way in the bedroom , I all but THREW him out of my house . I said , " There is NO WAY you are bringing that filthy thing in my house ! ! ! " Darin , his boss , was still right there . He noticed I had brought my canister vac in the bedroom to clean it up , and he offered to do the sweeping . I asked if he didn 't have a vac of his own on his truck . No , he didn 't . I told him I would clean it up , and I proceeded to do it in front of him . Then we both left the bedroom and went to Jerry 's desk to look at the contract . He wanted to know if I would pay him . I asked what for ? He said the termite job . I said , " But you haven 't done it yet ! " I told him I would pay him when it was done . He agreed that it would be fine to pay him when it was done . He left then for the rest of the day and left Mike here alone . I 'm sure poor Mike was terrified at this point , but I continued to watch him off and on the rest of the day . I couldn 't leave , and it was hot , so what else did I have to do ? ? ? THANK GOD , I got a picture of this part or you would think I was making it up or exaggerating . Mike worked the next several hours outside going all the way around the house drilling deep holes in the cement and then squirting liquid poison down in them with a 5 ' long tube that fit perfectly in the hole , but the liquid somehow managed to force its way out of the hole and up and out into the air like an angry projectile . I was watching through the window as Mike got covered with flying poison and mud . I couldn 't believe my eyes . He didn 't seem to care . He just kept getting squirt hole after hole after hole . When he got done doing that - - and after he was thoroughly muddy and gross - - he decided to walk into my front door and into my bedroom . I saw him as he landed in this position on the floor on the WHITE carpet . I could NOT believe my eyes ! ! ! Check out his muddy shoes ! ! ! And he informed me that it was impossible to use those paper shoe covers in his type of business . Check out the filthy container he carries cement in and had used all the way around my house using the bottom of it to rub the extra cement off of the holes . Underneat the red container is mud . When he lifted it up , I showed him the ring of mud on my carpet . So , if you read my blog much , you know I document everything . He went back outside and I sat down at Jerry 's desk - - opened up Word - - and I began typing . I had an entire page full of issues of the day AND a nice copy of the above photograph to hand to Darin , the boss , when he came back for his money . You should have seen Darin 's face when he saw that picture . I could READ HIS MIND . He was thinking about his perfect rating on Angie 's List , and this crazy woman who can really type , and HOW ON EARTH did she get this picture ? ? ? ! ! ! I actually felt sorry for him . I had no intention of using it against him , but HE didn 't know that . Remember , I have a business , and you reap what you sow . He asked me what he could do to make me happy , and he said over and over that he was really very sorry . He was sincere , and very nice , and very patient with me . He said he would go outside and fix the issues out there ( I spared you that part ) , and he would do whatever I wanted him to . He spent the next several hours redoing the work that Mike was supposed to do earlier . He kept ringing my bell and knocking on my back door every 10 minutes for me to come check the work . I kept telling him it wasn 't right and to redo it . Jerry called from Kingston to try to tell him how we wanted it . FINALLY , he got the holes filled in to please me . He washed his hands and came back to the front door . I asked him to come in . I had a towel down there for feet - wiping , and he stood on it and would not move . I asked him to come sit at the desk . He said , " No , I 'll just stand here . " I assured him if he just wiped his shoes on the towel - - which was a rag - - that he could come sit so we could talk . He finally did . Then he began to apologize again and tell me I really had good reason to be upset with him . Then he said something I often hear from people , ( except for Fabulous Fit , of course ! ) and I am always VERY impressed with a person that responds to me this way . He said , " You have really taught me a LOT today ! " He continued , " I am the kind of person that can take advice , and I assure you that I am going to take yours . I will have shoe covers from now on in all of our trucks . I will buy a little shop vac and keep it clean in a plastic bag to use INSIDE people 's homes as you suggested . I will train Mike about INSIDE and OUTSIDE being two different things , and they require different behavior . " I said , " NO ! Really . You do not have to do that . You have been more than patient and responsive to me . All I really require is an " I 'm sorry , I will fix it . " " The poison squirts back up out of the hole and floods your floor just like outside . Yep ! I was watching in horror . Mike turned and looked up over his shoulder at me and said , " Do you have a rag ? " I said , " WHY don 't YOU have one ! ? " Then I ran and grabbed a roll of paper towels . I 'm starting this post at 10 PM the night before because the temperature has only made it down to 81 . I would go to a hotel , but I don 't even know where one is . You don 't usually stay in hotels in your own town . Plus , I HATE staying in most hotels . You wonder who sat on the couch with WHAT disease and with WHAT clothing - - if any - - on . Before we bought this house , I used to stay in a hotel for weeks at a time , and I had to stay up here for most of a year . ( We had a business here , and the Manager quit , so I had to come take over . ) One time I sat on the hide - a - bed couch in a pair of shorts to watch TV , and I broke out in huge hives all over the back of my thighs ! That is why I cover all furniture in hotel rooms now unless I have pants on . I always look at the bed too and wonder who did what on top of the bedspread , and whether or not the bedspread is ever washed . And not only " that " , kids wetting the bed or diaper changes gone awry , food or drink spilled and starving creatures looking for a snack . You just don 't KNOW ! And the carpet . You KNOW the carpet never leaves the room . I always make sure I have shoes or slippers on my feet . And then , of course , I can 't talk about hotels without describing the overwhelming joy of hearing people run up and down the hallway at midnight before and after letting their doors slam . Or the deaf person in the room right next to your headboard that has his / her TV blaring all night long . And wasn 't I in a hotel the time I stepped into the shower , and when I turned the water on , the shower head blew across the tub and smashed into the opposite wall , landing on the tub floor in pieces . I thought I had been shot . And the MOST exciting hotel stay of all was when we went to my sister 's house for Thanksgiving and had to stay in a hotel , and my Mom was with us . I paid for adjoining rooms with a door in between so she could stay right next to us . The accommodations were great EXCEPT for the fact that the door between the rooms was a heavy , thick door AND it closed by itself like a refrigerator door does . Well , it didn 't really " close " - - it SLAMMED . I KNEW the door did that from when we first arrived , but when I woke up the next morning , I had forgotten . I opened the door and leaned into my Mother 's room with all of my body EXCEPT one hand that was still on the door frame . You guessed it . The giant door swung shut and hit my hand . It hurt like H * * * * and I screamed and cried . I fell to my knees holding my hand and decided to blame it on my husband who didn 't have a clue what had just happened , and I started yelling at him that he should have HELD the door . After I finally quit crying and holding my hand like I was half - dead , we went downstairs to leave to go to my sister 's . I walked over to the reservation desk to tell the clerk that my hand was smashed by their door and they needed to put a warning sign on the door that it slams shut . She suggested that maybe the customer should watch where they put their hands . I suggested I wanted them to DO SOMETHING . Jerry was probably hiding under a table about that time . The clerk told me that they could send me to their doctor . I told her we had to go to my sister 's , and we left . After lunch , however , I decided to go back in case my hand was broken or something . I thought they should have to pay for it . The lady couldn 't run when she saw me returning because she was the only one working . She handed me some form to sign and told me to go see the doctor in the clinic around the block . Jerry and I and my Mother went to the clinic . BIG MISTAKE ! Mother wanted to go home the night before and had complained most of the day that she shouldn 't have come . We left her in the waiting room , and Jerry and I followed the nurse who asked me a thousand questions . Then she made me follow her down a long hall - - turn the corner - - go down another long hall - - turn again - - walk another mile - - to a little room with the x - ray machine in it . ( The clinic had a tunnel leading to the hospital next door , or something like that . ) My hand was then x - rayed in every possible position . Then we walked all the way back to where we started and where my very whiny Mother was still whining in the waiting room , and I had to go back in the exam room with Jerry . The doctor came in and showed us the xrays and said my hand wasn 't broken . He then said he would be right back and left . Then we waited and waited and waited - - over an hour . The doctor NEVER came back and neither did anyone else . I decided I wasn 't waiting any longer . My hand had quit throbbing by then , and we knew it wasn 't broken , so I just wanted to leave . I opened up the door and stuck my head out into the hall and said , " Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse Me ! " " Does anyone KNOW I am in here ? " I think Jerry crawled under the exam table at that point ! Some girl , moving at a snail 's pace , came into the hall and wanted to know if there was a problem . I explained to her we had been there almost FOUR hours , and we needed to leave and make the 4 - hour trip back home dropping my Mother off on the way . She said she would investigate , and she wandered off . I told Jerry we were leaving , and we started to walk out . As we passed the window where they grab you to pay your bill , some girl informed me that I could NOT leave . I asked why . She said they were getting me a prescription for pain meds . I told her I could have made the pain meds MYSELF as long as I had been there . I told her I would take an aspirin , and we left . Jerry tried to act like he didn 't know who I was , but I think they all knew anyway . Poor guy . And by that time , my Mother certainly had reason to be impatient and tired . It is 11 now , and I am going to TRY to sleep . Still quite hot in here . I 'm thinking of those people somewhere on a river in Africa that we recently watched on TV that have no house and no bed and no air conditioners . They live in the nude , and they chew and spit a lot . And the girls have huge holes in their lower lips where they keep inserting bigger and bigger discs because the girl with the biggest disc gets the largest dowry of cows . Over here , isn 't it the girl with the biggest boobs ? Whatever . I 've got to go to bed . Beauty surely is in the eye of the beholder . Night . Yes . The day has finally come . After weeks and weeks of waiting and calling and crying and waiting for our kitchen project to get finished , a miracle has happened ! Sometimes , it is so hard to stay positive when something seems to be going wrong at every turn , but when you compare it to so many other things , it is really nothing . I wonder WHY I get so frustrated and upset and just want to RUN AWAY when I KNOW I am so blessed in a million ways and these things all will pass - - eventually . I 'm the kind of person that has to FINISH things , and when someone else is in charge of the finishing , and I can 't do anything about it , it really does drive me CRAZY ! I am sitting here right now in our other home - - the one I call " Jerry 's Office " because that really is what it is - - and the temperature in here is 89 degrees . Yep ! The air conditioner is off and has been since I got here at noon today . I don 't know if I blogged two weeks ago that we spent $ 650 getting the air conditioner here fixed . The guy put 4 pounds ( ? ) of freon in it , at $ 100 a pound . Jerry and I left to go back to our other home right after that . Here I am two weeks later coming into this house , and the air conditioner is brokener than before . I am sitting here with a river of sweat running down my cleavage and then spreading out in a river under each boob and then joining the river running down from my soaking wet armpits . And my hair ! It has enough hairspray in it to hold up a fence , but when you put all of that on top of a thousand follicles wallowing in sweat , it is a sticky , icky feeling . Every so often the sweat on my scalp finds a path down the front of my forehead and into my eyes . BUT , I 'm NOT complaining . Honest , I 'm not . I walked through this house and THANKED GOD that I HAVE a house with an air conditioner that can break . Sooooooooooo , about 5 seconds after I arrived , I realized the temperature inside this house wasn 't right . Recently , my husband and I tried Angie 's List . If you haven 't tried it , we HIGHLY recommend it . After the $ 650 AC guy left , Jerry looked on Angie 's List for a Heat and Air company with the best reviews . I called Jerry today as soon as I discovered the inside temperature to ask him which company it was , and he told me . I called them . Now , here is the part where you need to be sitting down . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . The sweat just ran down the crease in my center back into my underwear . It 's not often I feel that ! Let me stuff some Kleenex in there . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay . I was thrilled it would be today and not tomorrow . I told Diana I would go find a cool place to hang out . She told me she would call me as soon as she knew the tech was on his way . First , I went to Louie 's and treated myself to three of my favorite things telling myself it was okay because I was having to deal with so much right now , and I really deserved them . Chips and salsa , chunky chicken salad with grapes , strawberries and walnuts , and ICED TEA ! ( Don 't tell Jerry . ) Then I went to Hancock 's - - where else ? - - and I was sitting at the pattern table with my feet up in a chair reading sewing books at 4 : 15 when my phone rang . It was Diana . She told me the tech was on his way , but was way on the south side of town . Just a little bit ago - - five minutes until 5 : 00 - - the cutest guy showed up in a very nice van . His name is Sonny . Now , are you STILL sitting down ? Sonny shook my hand and introduced himself . Before he came into my house he put paper shoe covers over his shoes ! ! ! I 'm sorry guys , but I have to go outside in the 100 degree weather to get some air . Be back later . . . . . I 'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack . And it has gone all the way down from 89 to 87 in this house . I 've started to call Margaret a dozen times to see if she wants to go out to dinner , but I 'm too embarrassed to let anyone see me in this soggy state . This house is 13 years old , and the Air Conditioner has breathed its last breath , I think . The coil is totally rusted and the unit outside has 13 years of ick in it . Evidently , the former owners never had it cleaned , and neither did we . Duh ! I guess it is really important to do that . We need to get the whole thing replaced , but Jerry has to do his usual marathon internet study to see which unit we should choose . Interstate recommends Amana . I thought they made refrigerators and ovens . I told Jerry he has ' til morning to make up his mind , because Phylly is coming Saturday for a play day , and we have to be COOL ! Just got a call from the tree guy . He cut down the gigantic maple tree in my Mother - in - Law 's front yard today , so that is another $ 800 . If she knew , she would have a fit ! She thought everybody charged too much . Jerry cut down many a tree for her in the past because she just would not pay someone to do it . This one was 50 years old or more . No way he could do it even when he was younger . You have to have big trucks and shredders . Next Tuesday I have to go back to Kingfisher , to her house , for the Power Lift people to jack her house up for the THIRD time and then have all the cracks fixed for the FOURTH time . Gotta go . Think I 'll eat cereal for supper . The thermostat is now showing a frigid 86 in here ! Maybe I 'll sit in front of the open refrigerator while I eat ! Well , today was REALLY EXCELLENT . It was Pastor Matt Hagee 's birthday , and he preached this morning . He is just as good as his Dad these days . He compared our relationship to God to a child 's relationship with his father - - specifically , his own . He said if his Dad asked him to take out the garbage , and he simply got up and did it , then life went on as usual . He said his father kept a fully stocked refrigerator , had an amazing insurance program and provided all of his needs . If he decided he was going to put himself in charge and inform his father that he wasn 't going to take out the trash , then home wasn 't so comfortable and joyful anymore ! His father was still the same - - home was still home - - all the benefits were still there - - but he could not access them , and he would receive correction and punishment from his father . That is how it is with us . When we keep God 's commandments and do His will as we know it , we live a happy , comfortable life and God is always there for us . When we choose to rebel and knowingly live in sin , we pay a high price because that gives evil a right to rule and reign in our lives . God is still the same - - all the benefits are still the same - - but we cannot access them because we refuse to obey . Pretty simple , huh ? The refrigerator repairman was supposed to show up yesterday between 1 and 3 . He NEVER showed up . I called and left messages on a recorder that told me they were closed on Friday and Saturday . I called Lowe 's where I recently purchased the brand new refrigerator , and I complained to them . They referred me to the Repair Division somewhere in Louisiana , and a girl kept saying , " We apologize for that . " I think she must have learned that from the AT & T people . So , my lettuce is still frozen - - my celery is still frozen - - and I am trying to remain calm . Actually , what good would it do to get upset ? No matter HOW mad you are , customer service is programmed to say , " I apologize for that . " I cut out another blouse this morning , and I will start putting it together after lunch . I 'll take pics , of course , when it is done . It is not SFD , but I did compare it to my SFD pattern to make sure it would fit me . And we are supposed to go to the office this afternoon to hang up Route 66 . I 'll take pics of that too . Do any of you understand " Pinterest " ? I figured I better try to do it - - or belong to it - - or sign up - - or whatever you are supposed to do to see if I could " Pin " something . From what I probably don 't understand is you put pictures on boards . I haven 't figured out if it is MY pictures or SOMEONE ELSE ' S pictures or if other people SEND pictures or what . I asked for an " Invite " because that was the only button that was pushable yesterday when I googled it . Later yesterday , I got an email informing me that I wanted to be invited . Duh ! This morning , I had another email saying I WAS invited . Whoop - Dee - Do ! I pushed the big red button that was the only thing available to push , and I got sent to Pinterest - - I think . First , it wanted a user name . Then it asked me if I wanted some " Boards " . I thought , " Why not ? " So I pushed THAT button . It wanted me to choose boards of things I was interested in . Okay . I picked crafts , and sewing and gardening and cooking . Didn 't seem that hard . Then it went back to the main page and I saw " Joy " at the top . I thought THAT was taken ! I had no clue what to do next . I decided to push the button titled " boards " . Evidently , I must have chosen highly secret Spy boards or way - too - large boards or infected boards or SOMEthing weird . Rectangles kept going up and down and on and off and nothing else ever happened . No pictures . Just a bunch of rectangles running up and down the screen . The really BIG news today is that I put the very last hand stitch in Route 66 last night , and I hung it up on my quilt hanger this morning . I can 't believe I finally got this quilt finished . It was my most daring project since The Birdhearts , and that is because of all the embroidery digitizing . That takes a LOT of work . I made a video of it to put on You Tube . It uploaded for 2 hours and then decided to quit , so I am uploading it again now . Here are a couple pics so you can see how HUGE it is . The ceiling is 9 ' tall in the picture , and the quilt takes up every bit of it . Pardon the view of the bathroom . I swear I closed that door ! And I just happened to be wearing my new Sure - fit Designs Sleeveless Yoke blouse when I was filming this morning , so here are a few pics of my top . I have made this before , but I did not put the waist darts in the back of the other one . I like this better . Can 't find a pic of the first one , but if you scroll down to the bottom of this page , you will see it . It is white with blue polka - dots . As Glenda says , you can put the line ANYWHERE you want it . Wonder if you really could . For instance , what if it was a little above my armpit ? I know one thing for sure . You can 't beat the fit in these SFD tops ! And don 't you love that green top with my purple jeans ! ? I was really just trying it on for fit . I took it off after the pics . I better go do something . The refrigerator repairman is supposed to be here to fix our BRAND NEW refrigerator . It has two vegetable / fruit drawers , and ONE of them freezes everything you put in it . The other one doesn 't . How BAZAAR ! I 've turned the temp up three times to no avail . I figure it 's about time for things to QUIT BREAKING around here ! ! ! Haven 't been sewing at all this week , but I have 1 / 2 of the Route 66 Quilt completely bound . The hanger for it arrived a few weeks ago , so this quilt should be hanging on the wall in our office real soon . I will take pictures that day FOR SURE ! I discovered that I could hand sew the binding to the back of the quilt with it hanging on the longarm . This was an AMAZING discovery because I 've always hated wrestling a large quilt in my lap while trying to move it along stitch - by - stitch . I just sat on my saddle stool and rolled across the room as I sewed . As you know , my kitchen is being torn up and put back together due to the leak in the wall from the water connection behind the refrigerator . The entire countertop had to be replaced because the cabinet under it had gotten wet , and that was the only way to remove the cabinet . I had a feeling that this could be problematic , but I was wrong . It is a NIGHTMARE ! ! ! The countertop company came out not once - - but twice - - to make a cardboard template of my countertops and to measure and measure and measure . I told them we wanted the new countertop to be EXACTLY like the one that was there . Same color , same size , same finish , same overhang , same edge , etc . They acted like I was being a royal PITA even asking if any of that was going to be a problem because they - - after all - - are EXPERTS - - and they do this all the time - - and I didn 't need to worry . One guy bragged that he was so amazing at polishing countertops , that the new one would be way shinier than the old one . Two days ago , the countertop and three men arrived here . They spent about four hours putting the countertop on . Then the plumber came back and spent the next two hours hooking up the new sink . When they all finally left , Jerry and I went into the kitchen to examine the countertop . Guess what we found ? The overhang is 1 / 2 " wider . Soooooooooooooooooooooooo , out it goes , and we start over . We don 't know how much more it will cost . I 'm a fighter by nature , but sometimes I just get so frustrated dealing with these issues . The countertop company ADMITS they screwed up , but . . . . . . They say they cut it according to some standard . I told them I don 't CARE what the standard is . This is a custom home , and I want it like it was . The owner , Paul , of the countertop company informed me this morning after a 30 - minutes discussion that I shouldn 't be calling him anyway . He said I wasn 't " his customer " - - Michael was . I informed Paul that it was MY $ 6 , 000 ! I am getting VERY excited about making jewelry . I have never been the jewelry type except for earrings and watches . I have a few bracelets , but most get on my nerves , and I take them off about the time I arrive at my desk at work . I 'm too tight to pay a lot of money for jewelry because I think if I pay a lot for something that I should keep it and wear it forever . I have a gorgeous piece that Jerry gave me for Christmas one year that is 14K gold and has diamonds in it . It is a necklace , and it is so pretty . Actually , Jerry will notice it . He knows I 'm just learning though , so he may overlook it . If he complains too much , I will have to spend even more money on lessons and supplies ! Here is a picture of it with another green bead added to it . I figure it will weight it down a bit and keep it from going sideways . I can 't put it on myself because I can 't put a straightpin through my neck like I do Lucy 's . Fire Mountain Gem company sent me two gigantic catalogs , so I will look for a chain when I get some time . Some of the necklaces I saw in that catalog were downright UGLY ! Others were so huge , I don 't know how the people could wear them for over five minutes . I must be a real weakling when it comes to jewelry . I 'm going to go take a picture ( hope that isn 't illegal ) of one of them so you can see what I 'm talking about . It is nearly 5 . While I still HAVE a kitchen , I think I better get in it and figure out what to make for supper . The last I heard from Michael - - while he was driving to Branson , MO this morning - - was that the countertop people MIGHT show up sometime this week - - maybe on Friday . Now , that is real definite , isn 't it . I 'll tell you one DEFNITE thing . The minute the countertop leaves - - I leave . Phylly , be watching for me ! Oh , my ! You should SEE my kitchen . Well , actually , you SHOULDN ' T see my kitchen . It looks HORRIBLE ! I have been in a funk for two days because I feel like my " nest " has been pushed out of the tree . I 'm not good with turmoil and disorganization , and even though I can 't blame these guys who come here to do it , it still seems like their fault , and I sort of don 't like them before they ever get here . Here 's a few pics from yesterday and today . You see in that last picture the counter top on the island . The new countertop was SUPPOSED to match that countertop perfectly . Well , guess what ? It doesn 't . The edges all around are different ; the new countertop is dull and the island is very shiny ; and the pattern is different . So we now have to have that countertop replaced too . We asked , why and how come and what for . They answered , " We don 't know ; its not our fault ; and we don 't care . " After the plumber left at 5 : 30 , we went to town to have dinner . When we got back , Jerry told me he has a webinar tonight for 2 hours of continuing education . I decided to come up here and watch another jewelry lesson . I wish I could show you what I was TRYING to make , because what I ended up with is a VERY distant relative of it - - if that . This wire is so expensive that I decided to try to make a pendant to hang from a chain to go with my new green blouse . I 've seen worse - looking things than this around a neck . The pendant ends at the top of the green beads . I just have it hanging on a piece of wire . The circles under the beads are the part I was learning to do tonight . It kind of matches the gold circle in my green buttons , I think . So I am pooped and the kitchen - destroyer - team is coming back tomorrow . It will take me days to clean up all the messes up and down the hall and in the bedrooms . Everything that was in the drawers UNDER the countertop is covered with sawdust and dirt . YUK ! I have to wash it all and clean out the drawers . Check behind your frig and BE SURE you don 't have a leak ! I 'm getting in my jammies and checking out the new book Pam keeps telling me about on my Ipad . Bet I can 't get it on my Ipad though . Its a sewing / fitting book . Hugs , Joy I am a semi - retired business owner - secretary - bookkeeper . My husband still works all the time . I spend a lot of time sewing these days and reading blogs of others who sew . Underneath each day 's post you will see the word " Comments " . It may have a number in front of it like this " 2 Comments " . Click on that , and it will take you to a comment box . If the choices of accounts don 't make sense , choose " Anonymous " . Just put your first name in the post please so I 'll know who you are . |
Here I am - - back at my MIL 's house in Kingfisher , America . The house - jacker - upper people are here today along with the Heat and Air people . The lawn has totally croaked from the drought and the remaining bushes and trees aren 't far behind . I have had the hose running in the " flood system " ever since I arrived this morning at 10 AM . It is 3 PM now . I guess I better explain the " flood system " . My husband likes to use the kind of sprinklers that have long spikes on them , and you stick them down in the dirt . Then you put another one in the dirt several yards away from the first one - - and then another and another . You hook up a hose , and then 3 or 4 of the things are SUPPOSED to go around in circles in a retarded jerky motion . I HATE them with a passion . They NEVER work . They never go around and they only jerk in one direction and not the other . SO , when I water the lawn - - and when he isn 't looking - - I just turn on the hose and put it in the garden and let it run until it FLOODS it with water . Then I move it in another garden and FLOOD it . Hence , the " flood system " . Sometimes I put on a single sprinkler that sprays way up in the air like a giant fan and goes back and forth and back and forth . Jerry has a FIT whenever he sees me watering . He isn 't HERE today , so I am using the flood system . I want the water to stay ON THE GROUND - - not up in the air evaporating into steam in the 105 degree heat wave ! While I have been watering everything I can reach with a hose , the house - jacker - upper people have been working on the side of the house even though the man in charge - - Wes - - informed me that that would not work because it wasn 't the problem . Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay . Why the * ! * ! * are they here then ! ? He thinks maybe the front of the house needs to be jacked up now . After that , I suppose it will be the garage or the shed out back that needs jacking - up ! As I was driving here this morning from my house in Edmond , I remembered that the AC doesn 't work here . We had to have it filled with freon twice last summer . We were going to replace the unit , but the AC company never could figure out how much it would cost or when they could do it , so we put it off . I called S & J Heat and Air while driving here to see if they could come here today since I would probably be spending the night . I talked to Tanya . Tanya said , " Oh , my ! There is no way we could possibly come out today . We had 50 calls just this morning . We have four men , and they are all out all day . We couldn 't possibly come until tomorrow . " Would you believe I got a call about 1 : 30 and the owner of the company , Craig , just came here himself about 2 PM , and he has filled the AC with freon , and it is cooling off wonderfully in this 80 degree house right now ! Thank you , God , for that ! ! ! ! I would have had to sleep here tonight in a very hot house otherwise . Before all the trucks arrived to fix stuff here , I had time to go down to Countrywood Living Center to visit Mom - - actually , Jerry 's Mom , but I am much closer to her than my own Mother . I found her sitting at a table putting a 500 - piece puzzle together . She had just barely begun . I gave her a hug and sat down next to her , and she seemed to know exactly who I was . The puzzle had a rifle and a dog in it . I mentioned to Mom that Jerry had just bought a gun to shoot turtles with . Then I suggested that we find all the pieces to put the dog together in the puzzle , and Mom kept saying it was a turtle . Later , she asked me where Bernard was ? Bernard is her brother who has been dead for years . I think she knew she knew me , but she wasn 't sure WHO exactly I was . In a bit , an older gentleman - - well , they are ALL old , aren 't they ? - - came over to the table and sat down with us . He began looking for puzzle pieces with corn on them at my request . I was helping them both put pieces together when someone announced that lunch was ready . I told them I had to go , but the man and Mom both asked me over and over to stay for lunch . I told them I hadn 't called ahead . They said they didn 't care , they were taking me to their table . One of the workers there motioned to me that it was fine , so I sat with them and ate lunch . When I got up to leave , they begged me to come back again tomorrow . I can 't tell you HOW WONDERFUL it is to have someone WANT me to come see them - - even if they are old and half out of their minds ! I really enjoyed being there , and I believe I will go back tomorrow . I better go outside and check my " floods " . If I don 't check often here , I end up watering the neighbor 's yards , and they aren 't used to being watered . People just can 't afford the water bills in a drought . We need rain so desperately . So guess what I brought with me to work on while I am all by myself in the evenings ? Nope ! You said sewing , didn 't you ? I do have a machine here , but I have moved all the fabric and notions out of here , and I didn 't feel like packing them all back up for just a few days . I brought my jewelry . I have this laptop computer that I am typing on right now , and I can watch my jewelry class at Craftsy . com and make some jewelry . This computer is giving me FITS ! It keeps freezing and my typing jumps up into paragraphs I 'm not even in ! Hopefully , it will work better tomorrow . Maybe it is because I am downloading a thousand updates . It is Sunday , and I am missing my husband today . I always think I won 't miss him because he is always working when we are together , and I don 't see him that much anyway . And when we are together , it is usually in front of a tv screen . I decided to watch our preacher , Duane Sheriff , today . I have heard the sermon he preached today before , but it was a great reminder . It was about the FEAR of God and what that actually means . I was talking with my friend , Pam , about this very subject recently . I was raised both ways , as I was raised in one denomination as a child , another as a teenager , and a third as an adult . The denomination I grew up in - - like the one Duane grew up in - - taught that you were going to go to Hell every time you did the least little thing wrong . And EVERYTHING was a sin . I have probably been to the altar trying to get my sins forgiven more than anyone ! I used to wonder if it was EVER going to " take " . Later in life , I learned from much wiser teachers / preachers about how to FEAR God properly . I am comfortable in my belief that God loves me no matter how much I screw up as long as in my heart , I truly want to please him and do his will . And I do . Yesterday , Phylly came over , and we played in the sewing room all day . I don 't think I accomplished ANYTHING , but Phylly did . She has FINALLY gotten her pants pattern trimmed down so you can actually see her body is inside the pants she makes . The pair she had on looked fabulous on her , and the pair she made while she was here , will look great too . I don 't have any pictures , but she is suppose to send me some . Don 't hold your breath ! She is making them with her Sure - fit Designs blueprint for pants , but she has had to revise it quite a bit . Maybe she just started over . Remember , she has lost 30 pounds . As for me . I am making a top I have made three times before . I decided that I needed to make it bigger for some reason , so I added 1 / 2 " to each side seam FORGETTING that I was really adding 2 inches by doing that . It was way too big ! 1 / 8 " would have been plenty . It is an empire design sleeveless top , and I thought I was such a super - genious to think to make TWO pattern pieces for the bottom - - where only one had been provided - - so I could do the sway back correction on the back piece . I suppose that would have worked out really well if I had REMEMBERED I had done that . When I got the blouse all sewn together , the front was short and the back was long , and it looked all crazy . I didn 't figure it out until I turned it inside out to press the empire waist seam and I saw the giant red washable marker letters saying " BACK " and " FRONT " which by then were each in the opposite place they were supposed to be in . So my new blouse now has a SWAY STOMACH correction ! I had to put the blouse on and Phylly had to hold up a giant metal measuring stick while I twirled around and around so she could measure up from the floor to the hem on this blouse . Since the " sway back " was in the front , that meant the back was longer than the front . Usually , the back is shorter than the front . Here is a picture of the strip I cut off . The wider part came off the back , thereby , putting the " sway back " correction back in . Clear as mud , I 'm sure . I 'm on Jerry 's computer , and he doesn 't have any photo - fixer software , so pardon sloppy pics . I 've decided I 'm bored and want to go out to dinner . Hopefully , I can get Margaret to feel sorry for me and come with me . The air conditioning in here sure is NICE ! The new unit was put in all day Friday . So glad that and the termite issue are over with . Now , I wait until Tuesday to go back to Kingfisher - - Jerry 's Mom 's house - - where the Power Lift people are to show up and RE - lift one side of the house . Another fun day , for sure ! Hugs , Joy Posted by I don 't have the strength left in me to go into detail . Margaret got to hear the blow - by - blow at dinner just a bit ago where I had the most marvelous coconut shrimp - steak - crab leg - steamed veggie - salad dinner . We were celebrating Margaret 's birthday , so I didn 't want it to look like I wasn 't having a good time . I did manage not to order dessert , however . You know the air conditioner doesn 't work . It worked for two days with the 5 pounds of freon the AC company put in on Monday , but by this morning it was 78 degrees in here and rising . I had asked the AC company to install the new air conditioner on Friday because the Termite people were already scheduled for today , and I figured one demolition at a time would be all I could handle . The AC company did send a nice guy out to put in one more pound of freon to last me until tomorrow morning . VERY NICE ! Last time I was here - - about 3 weeks ago - - I noticed white wings sprinkled like confetti all over the top of my treadmill . I had seen that before in one of our Pharmacy 's years ago , so I knew what it was . I told Jerry about it , and he IMMEDIATELY got on Angie 's list to look up a good termite killer in this area . He picked the one with the ravest reviews , and the owner of the small family - owned company arrived in about an hour . That was GREAT ! The owner , Darin , told us that he would have to drill holes in the wall where the treadmill is , which is on the other side of the hot water heater closet , because the termites were in the center of the house ; and they would not get them by just drilling all around the entire outside of the house . I asked him then if they had a carpet person to lift the carpet and put it back . He said that ONLY HE could do that . About 7 AM this morning , Mike rang the doorbell . I was barely through my first cup of coffee and looked like something the cat drug in , but I went to the door . Nobody there . I had to step out on the porch and holler to his truck . He came around the truck so I could see him . I waved at him and went back in the house . Shortly thereafter , Darin arrived . He came into the bedroom and lifted up the carpet and the pad so Mike could drill holes there . Shortly after that , Mike came in with his 5 foot long drill bit and proceeded to walk around in his shoes with no covers on them . He drilled the deep holes in the cement causing piles of cement to creep up the drill bit and arrange themselves like ant hills around every hole . I walked in about that time . Mike shoved the pad and the carpet down onto the ant hills , and then went back outside . I immediately walked over and lifted the carpet and pad back up to see what was under it . Darin had gone outside to write up a contract , so I waited for him to come back in . When he returned to collect his money , I invited him to come see the bedroom . I showed him the mess in the corner and bent down to put my hand in it to move some of it around . I told him I couldn 't BELIEVE the guy just covered it with the carpet . He went out to tell Mike . Mike returned with a FILTHY dustpan with a long handle on it and the nastiest black broom that he used to sweep the cement ant hills off the cement all around the house and then scrub the new wet cement dots with . Hence , it was covered with white cement dust , dirt and some fresh cement from outside . Before he could come all the way in the bedroom , I all but THREW him out of my house . I said , " There is NO WAY you are bringing that filthy thing in my house ! ! ! " Darin , his boss , was still right there . He noticed I had brought my canister vac in the bedroom to clean it up , and he offered to do the sweeping . I asked if he didn 't have a vac of his own on his truck . No , he didn 't . I told him I would clean it up , and I proceeded to do it in front of him . Then we both left the bedroom and went to Jerry 's desk to look at the contract . He wanted to know if I would pay him . I asked what for ? He said the termite job . I said , " But you haven 't done it yet ! " I told him I would pay him when it was done . He agreed that it would be fine to pay him when it was done . He left then for the rest of the day and left Mike here alone . I 'm sure poor Mike was terrified at this point , but I continued to watch him off and on the rest of the day . I couldn 't leave , and it was hot , so what else did I have to do ? ? ? THANK GOD , I got a picture of this part or you would think I was making it up or exaggerating . Mike worked the next several hours outside going all the way around the house drilling deep holes in the cement and then squirting liquid poison down in them with a 5 ' long tube that fit perfectly in the hole , but the liquid somehow managed to force its way out of the hole and up and out into the air like an angry projectile . I was watching through the window as Mike got covered with flying poison and mud . I couldn 't believe my eyes . He didn 't seem to care . He just kept getting squirt hole after hole after hole . When he got done doing that - - and after he was thoroughly muddy and gross - - he decided to walk into my front door and into my bedroom . I saw him as he landed in this position on the floor on the WHITE carpet . I could NOT believe my eyes ! ! ! Check out his muddy shoes ! ! ! And he informed me that it was impossible to use those paper shoe covers in his type of business . Check out the filthy container he carries cement in and had used all the way around my house using the bottom of it to rub the extra cement off of the holes . Underneat the red container is mud . When he lifted it up , I showed him the ring of mud on my carpet . So , if you read my blog much , you know I document everything . He went back outside and I sat down at Jerry 's desk - - opened up Word - - and I began typing . I had an entire page full of issues of the day AND a nice copy of the above photograph to hand to Darin , the boss , when he came back for his money . You should have seen Darin 's face when he saw that picture . I could READ HIS MIND . He was thinking about his perfect rating on Angie 's List , and this crazy woman who can really type , and HOW ON EARTH did she get this picture ? ? ? ! ! ! I actually felt sorry for him . I had no intention of using it against him , but HE didn 't know that . Remember , I have a business , and you reap what you sow . He asked me what he could do to make me happy , and he said over and over that he was really very sorry . He was sincere , and very nice , and very patient with me . He said he would go outside and fix the issues out there ( I spared you that part ) , and he would do whatever I wanted him to . He spent the next several hours redoing the work that Mike was supposed to do earlier . He kept ringing my bell and knocking on my back door every 10 minutes for me to come check the work . I kept telling him it wasn 't right and to redo it . Jerry called from Kingston to try to tell him how we wanted it . FINALLY , he got the holes filled in to please me . He washed his hands and came back to the front door . I asked him to come in . I had a towel down there for feet - wiping , and he stood on it and would not move . I asked him to come sit at the desk . He said , " No , I 'll just stand here . " I assured him if he just wiped his shoes on the towel - - which was a rag - - that he could come sit so we could talk . He finally did . Then he began to apologize again and tell me I really had good reason to be upset with him . Then he said something I often hear from people , ( except for Fabulous Fit , of course ! ) and I am always VERY impressed with a person that responds to me this way . He said , " You have really taught me a LOT today ! " He continued , " I am the kind of person that can take advice , and I assure you that I am going to take yours . I will have shoe covers from now on in all of our trucks . I will buy a little shop vac and keep it clean in a plastic bag to use INSIDE people 's homes as you suggested . I will train Mike about INSIDE and OUTSIDE being two different things , and they require different behavior . " I said , " NO ! Really . You do not have to do that . You have been more than patient and responsive to me . All I really require is an " I 'm sorry , I will fix it . " " The poison squirts back up out of the hole and floods your floor just like outside . Yep ! I was watching in horror . Mike turned and looked up over his shoulder at me and said , " Do you have a rag ? " I said , " WHY don 't YOU have one ! ? " Then I ran and grabbed a roll of paper towels . I 'm starting this post at 10 PM the night before because the temperature has only made it down to 81 . I would go to a hotel , but I don 't even know where one is . You don 't usually stay in hotels in your own town . Plus , I HATE staying in most hotels . You wonder who sat on the couch with WHAT disease and with WHAT clothing - - if any - - on . Before we bought this house , I used to stay in a hotel for weeks at a time , and I had to stay up here for most of a year . ( We had a business here , and the Manager quit , so I had to come take over . ) One time I sat on the hide - a - bed couch in a pair of shorts to watch TV , and I broke out in huge hives all over the back of my thighs ! That is why I cover all furniture in hotel rooms now unless I have pants on . I always look at the bed too and wonder who did what on top of the bedspread , and whether or not the bedspread is ever washed . And not only " that " , kids wetting the bed or diaper changes gone awry , food or drink spilled and starving creatures looking for a snack . You just don 't KNOW ! And the carpet . You KNOW the carpet never leaves the room . I always make sure I have shoes or slippers on my feet . And then , of course , I can 't talk about hotels without describing the overwhelming joy of hearing people run up and down the hallway at midnight before and after letting their doors slam . Or the deaf person in the room right next to your headboard that has his / her TV blaring all night long . And wasn 't I in a hotel the time I stepped into the shower , and when I turned the water on , the shower head blew across the tub and smashed into the opposite wall , landing on the tub floor in pieces . I thought I had been shot . And the MOST exciting hotel stay of all was when we went to my sister 's house for Thanksgiving and had to stay in a hotel , and my Mom was with us . I paid for adjoining rooms with a door in between so she could stay right next to us . The accommodations were great EXCEPT for the fact that the door between the rooms was a heavy , thick door AND it closed by itself like a refrigerator door does . Well , it didn 't really " close " - - it SLAMMED . I KNEW the door did that from when we first arrived , but when I woke up the next morning , I had forgotten . I opened the door and leaned into my Mother 's room with all of my body EXCEPT one hand that was still on the door frame . You guessed it . The giant door swung shut and hit my hand . It hurt like H * * * * and I screamed and cried . I fell to my knees holding my hand and decided to blame it on my husband who didn 't have a clue what had just happened , and I started yelling at him that he should have HELD the door . After I finally quit crying and holding my hand like I was half - dead , we went downstairs to leave to go to my sister 's . I walked over to the reservation desk to tell the clerk that my hand was smashed by their door and they needed to put a warning sign on the door that it slams shut . She suggested that maybe the customer should watch where they put their hands . I suggested I wanted them to DO SOMETHING . Jerry was probably hiding under a table about that time . The clerk told me that they could send me to their doctor . I told her we had to go to my sister 's , and we left . After lunch , however , I decided to go back in case my hand was broken or something . I thought they should have to pay for it . The lady couldn 't run when she saw me returning because she was the only one working . She handed me some form to sign and told me to go see the doctor in the clinic around the block . Jerry and I and my Mother went to the clinic . BIG MISTAKE ! Mother wanted to go home the night before and had complained most of the day that she shouldn 't have come . We left her in the waiting room , and Jerry and I followed the nurse who asked me a thousand questions . Then she made me follow her down a long hall - - turn the corner - - go down another long hall - - turn again - - walk another mile - - to a little room with the x - ray machine in it . ( The clinic had a tunnel leading to the hospital next door , or something like that . ) My hand was then x - rayed in every possible position . Then we walked all the way back to where we started and where my very whiny Mother was still whining in the waiting room , and I had to go back in the exam room with Jerry . The doctor came in and showed us the xrays and said my hand wasn 't broken . He then said he would be right back and left . Then we waited and waited and waited - - over an hour . The doctor NEVER came back and neither did anyone else . I decided I wasn 't waiting any longer . My hand had quit throbbing by then , and we knew it wasn 't broken , so I just wanted to leave . I opened up the door and stuck my head out into the hall and said , " Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse Me ! " " Does anyone KNOW I am in here ? " I think Jerry crawled under the exam table at that point ! Some girl , moving at a snail 's pace , came into the hall and wanted to know if there was a problem . I explained to her we had been there almost FOUR hours , and we needed to leave and make the 4 - hour trip back home dropping my Mother off on the way . She said she would investigate , and she wandered off . I told Jerry we were leaving , and we started to walk out . As we passed the window where they grab you to pay your bill , some girl informed me that I could NOT leave . I asked why . She said they were getting me a prescription for pain meds . I told her I could have made the pain meds MYSELF as long as I had been there . I told her I would take an aspirin , and we left . Jerry tried to act like he didn 't know who I was , but I think they all knew anyway . Poor guy . And by that time , my Mother certainly had reason to be impatient and tired . It is 11 now , and I am going to TRY to sleep . Still quite hot in here . I 'm thinking of those people somewhere on a river in Africa that we recently watched on TV that have no house and no bed and no air conditioners . They live in the nude , and they chew and spit a lot . And the girls have huge holes in their lower lips where they keep inserting bigger and bigger discs because the girl with the biggest disc gets the largest dowry of cows . Over here , isn 't it the girl with the biggest boobs ? Whatever . I 've got to go to bed . Beauty surely is in the eye of the beholder . Night . Yes . The day has finally come . After weeks and weeks of waiting and calling and crying and waiting for our kitchen project to get finished , a miracle has happened ! Sometimes , it is so hard to stay positive when something seems to be going wrong at every turn , but when you compare it to so many other things , it is really nothing . I wonder WHY I get so frustrated and upset and just want to RUN AWAY when I KNOW I am so blessed in a million ways and these things all will pass - - eventually . I 'm the kind of person that has to FINISH things , and when someone else is in charge of the finishing , and I can 't do anything about it , it really does drive me CRAZY ! I am sitting here right now in our other home - - the one I call " Jerry 's Office " because that really is what it is - - and the temperature in here is 89 degrees . Yep ! The air conditioner is off and has been since I got here at noon today . I don 't know if I blogged two weeks ago that we spent $ 650 getting the air conditioner here fixed . The guy put 4 pounds ( ? ) of freon in it , at $ 100 a pound . Jerry and I left to go back to our other home right after that . Here I am two weeks later coming into this house , and the air conditioner is brokener than before . I am sitting here with a river of sweat running down my cleavage and then spreading out in a river under each boob and then joining the river running down from my soaking wet armpits . And my hair ! It has enough hairspray in it to hold up a fence , but when you put all of that on top of a thousand follicles wallowing in sweat , it is a sticky , icky feeling . Every so often the sweat on my scalp finds a path down the front of my forehead and into my eyes . BUT , I 'm NOT complaining . Honest , I 'm not . I walked through this house and THANKED GOD that I HAVE a house with an air conditioner that can break . Sooooooooooo , about 5 seconds after I arrived , I realized the temperature inside this house wasn 't right . Recently , my husband and I tried Angie 's List . If you haven 't tried it , we HIGHLY recommend it . After the $ 650 AC guy left , Jerry looked on Angie 's List for a Heat and Air company with the best reviews . I called Jerry today as soon as I discovered the inside temperature to ask him which company it was , and he told me . I called them . Now , here is the part where you need to be sitting down . Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . The sweat just ran down the crease in my center back into my underwear . It 's not often I feel that ! Let me stuff some Kleenex in there . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay . I was thrilled it would be today and not tomorrow . I told Diana I would go find a cool place to hang out . She told me she would call me as soon as she knew the tech was on his way . First , I went to Louie 's and treated myself to three of my favorite things telling myself it was okay because I was having to deal with so much right now , and I really deserved them . Chips and salsa , chunky chicken salad with grapes , strawberries and walnuts , and ICED TEA ! ( Don 't tell Jerry . ) Then I went to Hancock 's - - where else ? - - and I was sitting at the pattern table with my feet up in a chair reading sewing books at 4 : 15 when my phone rang . It was Diana . She told me the tech was on his way , but was way on the south side of town . Just a little bit ago - - five minutes until 5 : 00 - - the cutest guy showed up in a very nice van . His name is Sonny . Now , are you STILL sitting down ? Sonny shook my hand and introduced himself . Before he came into my house he put paper shoe covers over his shoes ! ! ! I 'm sorry guys , but I have to go outside in the 100 degree weather to get some air . Be back later . . . . . I 'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack . And it has gone all the way down from 89 to 87 in this house . I 've started to call Margaret a dozen times to see if she wants to go out to dinner , but I 'm too embarrassed to let anyone see me in this soggy state . This house is 13 years old , and the Air Conditioner has breathed its last breath , I think . The coil is totally rusted and the unit outside has 13 years of ick in it . Evidently , the former owners never had it cleaned , and neither did we . Duh ! I guess it is really important to do that . We need to get the whole thing replaced , but Jerry has to do his usual marathon internet study to see which unit we should choose . Interstate recommends Amana . I thought they made refrigerators and ovens . I told Jerry he has ' til morning to make up his mind , because Phylly is coming Saturday for a play day , and we have to be COOL ! Just got a call from the tree guy . He cut down the gigantic maple tree in my Mother - in - Law 's front yard today , so that is another $ 800 . If she knew , she would have a fit ! She thought everybody charged too much . Jerry cut down many a tree for her in the past because she just would not pay someone to do it . This one was 50 years old or more . No way he could do it even when he was younger . You have to have big trucks and shredders . Next Tuesday I have to go back to Kingfisher , to her house , for the Power Lift people to jack her house up for the THIRD time and then have all the cracks fixed for the FOURTH time . Gotta go . Think I 'll eat cereal for supper . The thermostat is now showing a frigid 86 in here ! Maybe I 'll sit in front of the open refrigerator while I eat ! Well , today was REALLY EXCELLENT . It was Pastor Matt Hagee 's birthday , and he preached this morning . He is just as good as his Dad these days . He compared our relationship to God to a child 's relationship with his father - - specifically , his own . He said if his Dad asked him to take out the garbage , and he simply got up and did it , then life went on as usual . He said his father kept a fully stocked refrigerator , had an amazing insurance program and provided all of his needs . If he decided he was going to put himself in charge and inform his father that he wasn 't going to take out the trash , then home wasn 't so comfortable and joyful anymore ! His father was still the same - - home was still home - - all the benefits were still there - - but he could not access them , and he would receive correction and punishment from his father . That is how it is with us . When we keep God 's commandments and do His will as we know it , we live a happy , comfortable life and God is always there for us . When we choose to rebel and knowingly live in sin , we pay a high price because that gives evil a right to rule and reign in our lives . God is still the same - - all the benefits are still the same - - but we cannot access them because we refuse to obey . Pretty simple , huh ? The refrigerator repairman was supposed to show up yesterday between 1 and 3 . He NEVER showed up . I called and left messages on a recorder that told me they were closed on Friday and Saturday . I called Lowe 's where I recently purchased the brand new refrigerator , and I complained to them . They referred me to the Repair Division somewhere in Louisiana , and a girl kept saying , " We apologize for that . " I think she must have learned that from the AT & T people . So , my lettuce is still frozen - - my celery is still frozen - - and I am trying to remain calm . Actually , what good would it do to get upset ? No matter HOW mad you are , customer service is programmed to say , " I apologize for that . " I cut out another blouse this morning , and I will start putting it together after lunch . I 'll take pics , of course , when it is done . It is not SFD , but I did compare it to my SFD pattern to make sure it would fit me . And we are supposed to go to the office this afternoon to hang up Route 66 . I 'll take pics of that too . Do any of you understand " Pinterest " ? I figured I better try to do it - - or belong to it - - or sign up - - or whatever you are supposed to do to see if I could " Pin " something . From what I probably don 't understand is you put pictures on boards . I haven 't figured out if it is MY pictures or SOMEONE ELSE ' S pictures or if other people SEND pictures or what . I asked for an " Invite " because that was the only button that was pushable yesterday when I googled it . Later yesterday , I got an email informing me that I wanted to be invited . Duh ! This morning , I had another email saying I WAS invited . Whoop - Dee - Do ! I pushed the big red button that was the only thing available to push , and I got sent to Pinterest - - I think . First , it wanted a user name . Then it asked me if I wanted some " Boards " . I thought , " Why not ? " So I pushed THAT button . It wanted me to choose boards of things I was interested in . Okay . I picked crafts , and sewing and gardening and cooking . Didn 't seem that hard . Then it went back to the main page and I saw " Joy " at the top . I thought THAT was taken ! I had no clue what to do next . I decided to push the button titled " boards " . Evidently , I must have chosen highly secret Spy boards or way - too - large boards or infected boards or SOMEthing weird . Rectangles kept going up and down and on and off and nothing else ever happened . No pictures . Just a bunch of rectangles running up and down the screen . The really BIG news today is that I put the very last hand stitch in Route 66 last night , and I hung it up on my quilt hanger this morning . I can 't believe I finally got this quilt finished . It was my most daring project since The Birdhearts , and that is because of all the embroidery digitizing . That takes a LOT of work . I made a video of it to put on You Tube . It uploaded for 2 hours and then decided to quit , so I am uploading it again now . Here are a couple pics so you can see how HUGE it is . The ceiling is 9 ' tall in the picture , and the quilt takes up every bit of it . Pardon the view of the bathroom . I swear I closed that door ! And I just happened to be wearing my new Sure - fit Designs Sleeveless Yoke blouse when I was filming this morning , so here are a few pics of my top . I have made this before , but I did not put the waist darts in the back of the other one . I like this better . Can 't find a pic of the first one , but if you scroll down to the bottom of this page , you will see it . It is white with blue polka - dots . As Glenda says , you can put the line ANYWHERE you want it . Wonder if you really could . For instance , what if it was a little above my armpit ? I know one thing for sure . You can 't beat the fit in these SFD tops ! And don 't you love that green top with my purple jeans ! ? I was really just trying it on for fit . I took it off after the pics . I better go do something . The refrigerator repairman is supposed to be here to fix our BRAND NEW refrigerator . It has two vegetable / fruit drawers , and ONE of them freezes everything you put in it . The other one doesn 't . How BAZAAR ! I 've turned the temp up three times to no avail . I figure it 's about time for things to QUIT BREAKING around here ! ! ! Haven 't been sewing at all this week , but I have 1 / 2 of the Route 66 Quilt completely bound . The hanger for it arrived a few weeks ago , so this quilt should be hanging on the wall in our office real soon . I will take pictures that day FOR SURE ! I discovered that I could hand sew the binding to the back of the quilt with it hanging on the longarm . This was an AMAZING discovery because I 've always hated wrestling a large quilt in my lap while trying to move it along stitch - by - stitch . I just sat on my saddle stool and rolled across the room as I sewed . As you know , my kitchen is being torn up and put back together due to the leak in the wall from the water connection behind the refrigerator . The entire countertop had to be replaced because the cabinet under it had gotten wet , and that was the only way to remove the cabinet . I had a feeling that this could be problematic , but I was wrong . It is a NIGHTMARE ! ! ! The countertop company came out not once - - but twice - - to make a cardboard template of my countertops and to measure and measure and measure . I told them we wanted the new countertop to be EXACTLY like the one that was there . Same color , same size , same finish , same overhang , same edge , etc . They acted like I was being a royal PITA even asking if any of that was going to be a problem because they - - after all - - are EXPERTS - - and they do this all the time - - and I didn 't need to worry . One guy bragged that he was so amazing at polishing countertops , that the new one would be way shinier than the old one . Two days ago , the countertop and three men arrived here . They spent about four hours putting the countertop on . Then the plumber came back and spent the next two hours hooking up the new sink . When they all finally left , Jerry and I went into the kitchen to examine the countertop . Guess what we found ? The overhang is 1 / 2 " wider . Soooooooooooooooooooooooo , out it goes , and we start over . We don 't know how much more it will cost . I 'm a fighter by nature , but sometimes I just get so frustrated dealing with these issues . The countertop company ADMITS they screwed up , but . . . . . . They say they cut it according to some standard . I told them I don 't CARE what the standard is . This is a custom home , and I want it like it was . The owner , Paul , of the countertop company informed me this morning after a 30 - minutes discussion that I shouldn 't be calling him anyway . He said I wasn 't " his customer " - - Michael was . I informed Paul that it was MY $ 6 , 000 ! I am getting VERY excited about making jewelry . I have never been the jewelry type except for earrings and watches . I have a few bracelets , but most get on my nerves , and I take them off about the time I arrive at my desk at work . I 'm too tight to pay a lot of money for jewelry because I think if I pay a lot for something that I should keep it and wear it forever . I have a gorgeous piece that Jerry gave me for Christmas one year that is 14K gold and has diamonds in it . It is a necklace , and it is so pretty . Actually , Jerry will notice it . He knows I 'm just learning though , so he may overlook it . If he complains too much , I will have to spend even more money on lessons and supplies ! Here is a picture of it with another green bead added to it . I figure it will weight it down a bit and keep it from going sideways . I can 't put it on myself because I can 't put a straightpin through my neck like I do Lucy 's . Fire Mountain Gem company sent me two gigantic catalogs , so I will look for a chain when I get some time . Some of the necklaces I saw in that catalog were downright UGLY ! Others were so huge , I don 't know how the people could wear them for over five minutes . I must be a real weakling when it comes to jewelry . I 'm going to go take a picture ( hope that isn 't illegal ) of one of them so you can see what I 'm talking about . It is nearly 5 . While I still HAVE a kitchen , I think I better get in it and figure out what to make for supper . The last I heard from Michael - - while he was driving to Branson , MO this morning - - was that the countertop people MIGHT show up sometime this week - - maybe on Friday . Now , that is real definite , isn 't it . I 'll tell you one DEFNITE thing . The minute the countertop leaves - - I leave . Phylly , be watching for me ! Oh , my ! You should SEE my kitchen . Well , actually , you SHOULDN ' T see my kitchen . It looks HORRIBLE ! I have been in a funk for two days because I feel like my " nest " has been pushed out of the tree . I 'm not good with turmoil and disorganization , and even though I can 't blame these guys who come here to do it , it still seems like their fault , and I sort of don 't like them before they ever get here . Here 's a few pics from yesterday and today . You see in that last picture the counter top on the island . The new countertop was SUPPOSED to match that countertop perfectly . Well , guess what ? It doesn 't . The edges all around are different ; the new countertop is dull and the island is very shiny ; and the pattern is different . So we now have to have that countertop replaced too . We asked , why and how come and what for . They answered , " We don 't know ; its not our fault ; and we don 't care . " After the plumber left at 5 : 30 , we went to town to have dinner . When we got back , Jerry told me he has a webinar tonight for 2 hours of continuing education . I decided to come up here and watch another jewelry lesson . I wish I could show you what I was TRYING to make , because what I ended up with is a VERY distant relative of it - - if that . This wire is so expensive that I decided to try to make a pendant to hang from a chain to go with my new green blouse . I 've seen worse - looking things than this around a neck . The pendant ends at the top of the green beads . I just have it hanging on a piece of wire . The circles under the beads are the part I was learning to do tonight . It kind of matches the gold circle in my green buttons , I think . So I am pooped and the kitchen - destroyer - team is coming back tomorrow . It will take me days to clean up all the messes up and down the hall and in the bedrooms . Everything that was in the drawers UNDER the countertop is covered with sawdust and dirt . YUK ! I have to wash it all and clean out the drawers . Check behind your frig and BE SURE you don 't have a leak ! I 'm getting in my jammies and checking out the new book Pam keeps telling me about on my Ipad . Bet I can 't get it on my Ipad though . Its a sewing / fitting book . Hugs , Joy I am a semi - retired business owner - secretary - bookkeeper . My husband still works all the time . I spend a lot of time sewing these days and reading blogs of others who sew . Underneath each day 's post you will see the word " Comments " . It may have a number in front of it like this " 2 Comments " . Click on that , and it will take you to a comment box . If the choices of accounts don 't make sense , choose " Anonymous " . Just put your first name in the post please so I 'll know who you are . |
These two are trouble . Sweet , funny , trouble . If you call getting on the table and peeling all the bananas and putting them in the water pitcher sweet and funny . They dumped out baskets of toys in Charlotte Claire 's room , they got into the soap , they went in my room and opened some Christmas presents ( no , they weren 't wrapped yet , they opened them from their packaging ) , they pulled clothes off hangers in there , they turn on the treadmill and run fast on it , which is not allowed at all . The dumped Special K in Evelyn 's room , and they started ripping books . Why ? I do not know . They filled these laundry baskets with books and toys , and since these pictures were taken , they dumped all the stuff in the cage , and now are coloring . At the table , on paper . For now . They love playing in Rosie 's cage , it is so funny . To them it is like a little house . Rosie has been nice to Mali since I have been trying to be present when they are together , because Rosie listens to me 89 % better than she listens to Mali . So we went downtown today to get Joseph 's permit , finally . I parallel parked the big van ( well , sort of , I found a drive up spot ) , and we prepared to get out . I asked Joseph if he had his I . D . and s . s . card . Oops ! He forgot it . So we had an hour to burn before the dentist app 't . I didn 't want to go get the milk and groceries because it might spoil . So we went to DunkinDonuts and got a medium coffee for me , with cream no sugar , yum , and $ 1 . 99 Coolattas for the five kids I had with me . And I ordered a 50 ct . box of Munchkins , ( hey , if I 'm putting coffee on the charge card , I may as well get donut holes , ouch ) and the nice lady filled up with at least 75 . It felt 19 dollars worth of frivolous , but it sure was a sweet way to pass the time . And they appreciated it . After the dentist , we went to Walmart for the oil change . What an expensive oil change ! I got milk and bagels and tortilla chips and chicken breast and some tank tops for the girls , and a few t - shirts for the boys and some socks for Jon . Everything I buy is cheap chea16 blessings ' mom Today , I get to meet with the claims adjuster . He is supposed to be here this very minute . So here I sit . And after he leaves , I get to bring Mirielle to drop her car off to get inspected ( she is leaving tomorrow for Connecticut , rats ! ) , then pick up a few girls from school , make a stop at Motor Vehicles so Joseph can get his permit , then take the girls to the dentist ! Then , I get to get the oil changed on the big van . It was due in June . Oops . Paul keeps asking me when I am going to get it changed , and last night he handed me a coupon for the Valvoline place . Sorry , dear , but if I am getting my oil changed , at least I will go to WalMart where I can look around at good stuff while I wait . Dentist and Motor Vehicles in the same day . Ouch . The good part is that Aaron and Mali have a half day of school today , so they can watch Camille and Charlotte Claire . I do love my little girls , and they are great fun on an adventure . But those places and little girls . . . . hmm . Especially the dentist office . I have mentioned this before , but there is a nice cold water dispenser in the waiting room , which makes kids thirsty . Two year olds and three year olds are extra thirsty . And water in waiting rooms has extra gravity , and on the nice hardwood floor . It is not relaxing . And it has nothing to do with me wanting to read the People magazines , unless there are pictures of Jon and Kate . I was starting to grumble last night , when I realized the line - up of my day . It seems like I don 't live MY life , I just live the life that fits in with everyone else . Then I realized that Paul gets up day in and day out and goes to work . And he comes home happy , day in , day out . He doesn 't really love work , he doesn 't hate it , but he would much rather be home . But that is how his life is , so he does it and makes the most of it . And don 't tell anyone , but being a stay - at - home mom , or as we called in the early days , a housewife , is the best kept secret of all time . It is wonderful . Those cold snowy mornings when the others have to get dressed and go out aPosted by We are having some down time , the kids put a movie in . Margaret didn 't want her picture taken . Sonja , Joseph , Jonathan , and Sam . Evelyn Joy with her new flip - flops . . . she hasn 't wron them outside yet , so she gets to wear them in the house . Kathryn and Suzanne It is naptime , so it is relatively quiet . I actually stretched out on the couch for a little while . . . . the kids do not respect that . They think of very important things to ask me , like , " Mom , can we have ice cream ? " I decided to give up on the nap when Rosie noticed me and brought her big stinky face right up on my pillow . . . . . It has been interesting to listen to the kids ' versions of what happened last night . Jonathan was in bed , all tucked in , and he said he smelled smoke , and when everyone started yelling , he KNEW the house was going to burn down . Suzanne had been tucked in already , too , but was getting a drink of water , one of her favorite tricks , and she was one of the kids who first started yelling about the fire . Mali was in her room listening to music , and she smelled smoke , so she took out an earphone , and heard the yelling and screaming . Yes , we proceeded out the yard in a quiet orderly manner , ha . Mirielle actually sort of chastised me this morning for FREAKING OUT . Well , next time there is a fire , I will try harder to remain calm . She said that Jonathan was so upset because of the yelling and shouting . Well . . . sorry , Jon . I do think it could have been done a bit more serenely . But I had ONE thought , to get the kids out fast . It was in the back of my mind that the propane could blow , or the oil tank . Their bedroom is right next to the laundry room . . . . anyway , Mirielle got Charlotte Claire , and I got Camille out of bed . I felt like I was going in slow motion , like it wasn 't real , and like I couldn 't possible move fast enough . So we all found ourselves in the front of the house . . . . I had glanced into the laundry room and saw flames when Paul said to call 911 , and I was sort of a wreck . As we stood in the yard , with me counting and re - counting just to make Posted by Always keep your hair clean , always keep your kids in cute pajamas at night , because you never know . . . . what starts out as an ordinary day can sometimes turn crazy . . . Abigail was teaching the kids a nice song from her songbook . . . they were all mellowed out for bed . . . ( I just had to sneak this one in here , Camille in the basket ) We got the two little girls tucked in , then the bigger kids . . . . then ! The dryer was on fire ! It happened so fast , the black smoke was billowing out the doorway , Paul grabbed the fire extinguisher ( ALWAYS have one on hand , it saved our home . We literally would be homeless right now if we didn 't have them , he actually used two ) . . . . . he yelled to call 911 , and I started yelling for all the kids to go out the deck door to the front yard , RIGHT NOW ! I ran for Camille in her little green bed , and flagged down Mirielle to get Charlotte . Samuel was downstairs pounding on the bathroom door , Margaret was taking a shower . He was yelling for her to get out fast , the house was on fire . . . and Benjamin was lying in bed , half asleep , thinking Sam was just mad . It is not unusual for Sam to pound on the bathroom door . Anyway , we got out to the front yard , and I was counting , and panicking because I kept getting 15 kids . . . . who is missing ? And all the kids were yelling things like , " I 'm here , I 'm here " , and " MOM , we are all here ! " . . . . then someone reminded me that Emily is in Norway . Okay . We have the right number . The fire engines started coming , there were at least 8 or 10 , and about 40 firemen , plus the ambulance . The first thing they asked was if everyone was out . It 's funny , because I did not even think of one thing I wanted to grab . The kids were out , the dog was out , and I just didn 't even care at that point about the house , ( or sorry kitties , you didn 't even cross my mind ) . I was just glad the kids and Paul were safe . Our across the street neighbors and our next door neighbor came over , glad too that everyone was okay . It took a good ten minutes for the firemen to arrive , we live out in the country . At least Posted by Read this article http : / / news . yahoo . com / s / ap / 20090927 / ap _ on _ re _ us / us _ more _ schoolIt is disturbing to me , to say the least . More school ? Less summer ? Oh , come on . I don 't even know where to start . Why should my kids go to school more because some people can 't stay home with them during the summer ? Why does the government , particularly the big O . , think they , he , can raise children better than their parents ? " Here , let us take those kids off your hands . " And only the wealthy can enrich their kids ' lives during summer vacation ? Does anyone really think it is better for kids to be sitting in classrooms all year round ? I am sorry , but I think the kids don 't have enough free time as it is . In fact this morning , when I roused poor Jonathan out of bed for a nice warm shower , he started crying and crying . . . . and I felt like pulling him out of school . It just goes against the laws of nature to drag sleeping children from their beds and send them out the dooor . Or against the laws of what I find comfortable , anyway . And Samuel , my 8th grade is such a smart kid . But he always seems to forget to do some part of the homework from one of his classes , so he has afterschool homework hall almost every day . He is gone from 7 : 30 to after 4 : pm . It DOES help to teach him responsibility , hopefully he will catch on and be more diligent . But homework doesn 't set well with me anyway , they are in school for so many hours , and if each teacher gives them an assignment , they have no life . Especially because for some of them , they are not really learning , just doing the work to satisfy the teacher . When a child already " gets " something , the meaningless repitition is well , meaningless . And that is my public school rant for the day . Evelyn Joy is home today . She says she doesn 't feel well . She is cuddled up in the chair under a nice quilt Mirielle made a few years back for Gramma . She is watching channel 24 ( PBS ) . . . . she doesn 't seem to sick , but she never had the flu - y thing we had , so . . . . . Charlotte Claire is up bright and early this morning . She dPosted by The boys like Rosie , here she is with Aaron . . . Aaron decided to turn her into a mummy . . . . Next to her are all the toilet paper balls Aaron was trying to antagonize her with before he decided to mummy - ize her . She didn 't even care . . . . I told Aaron he was a toilet paper waster , but he said it wasn 't wasted . . . . . he had fun . So now the older kids are heading to bed , it is just Mirielle and I still up , and it is finally quiet . I SHOULD be going to bed too , but I need a bit of time . Rosie is settled down for the night , I still have to take her out to go potty , then put her in her cage with a few ice cubes and a treat . She is pretty good , when I take her out , I stand on the deck and tell her to go potty , and she goes down the steps , and goes , and comes back up . I am impressed . I tell her to go into her cage , and she happily goes in and sits down , waiting for her treat . She can be such a huge pain , she is just always underfoot , but she learns so much by just being around us all the time . She is pretty good with the kids , we just need to teach her not to bite Mali . I think Mali played so much with her when she was a tiny pup , she associates Mali with playing . And she bites her , not growly , but wanting to play . I wish I could say I was staying home tomorrow to clean the house . But I am taking Joseph to get his driver 's permit . And taking the big white van to get an oil change . And , surprise surprise , we need milk again . It disapears like magic . I was shocked when I went to get bedtime milk for the two little girls , and what ? I bought three gallons on Friday . Two days later , it is almost gone . And , we already had a gallon in there on Friday . Well , we did make cookies today , and it is the weekend . So we need milk and bread and bananas . The staples . And diapers . And pull - ups , which a few kids wear to bed . I don 't know why we bother , their bedding needs washing every day anyway , they would probably stay dry sooner at night if they just went without . . . oh well . Mirielle is leaving us again . She is going for a few months to help a famiPosted by I SHOULDN " T be so lazy , but . . . . we went to church this morning , sixteen of us . We had to take two vehicles because the big kids are so big , it is pretty hard to squish into the big white van . We had a very encouraging message this morning , to really redeem the time , to be interested in what God is showing us . Then we got home to the messy house . Ouch , how does it get so messy ? I need to snap out of it and get busy . The couch pile needs to die , but no , it lives and grows . It is moving over to the second half of the couch . When I am the only one to uses the washer and dryer , the pile stays small , because I put the clothes away as I wash them . But whenever someone else takes a load out , they put it on the couch . Then when the living room gets picked up , it is like : don 't know where it goes ? put it on the couch ! Sometimes the kids will even ask me where something goes , and I will just say , " put it on the couch . . . " So it is my fault too . As the mom of the house , I realize that most of this is my fault , but oh well , I am me . So , we got home to the messy house . Did I clean up ? Of course not ! ! ! I made a triple batch of chocolate chip cookies ! ! Delandie , Caleb , and Luke , friends of the boys are over , and Stephanie , Abigail 's friend , is coming over later . So we needed cookies ! ! ! And me , being so smart and capable , tripled the shortening AND the butter , instead of combining the amount and then tripling . So they are extra thin and crispy . Oh , they are heavenly in a different sort of way . And tweaking ( or messing up ) the recipe doesn 't affect the smell . . . . it smells wonderful in here . And to top it off , Mirielle is making apple turnovers ! She had the little girls all helping her , and it was so sweet to see them peeling apples and talking . I was tempted to take their picture , but decided not to . And now I am tired from all that cookie making and cleaning up the cookie mess , that I am taking an nice afternoon break . It would be nicer if the living room wasn 't so messy , but tired is tired , and I am tired . I am just plain jealous of pePosted by Off we went . . . . Kathryn Grace , Evelyn Joy , Suzanne Eleanor , Sonja Kathleen , Jonathan Robert , Charlotte Claire , Camille Anaya , and I . . . . . . . here is the happy Camille with Sonja . And Sonja with Charlotte ClaireEvelyn Joy , ten year old co - pilot . . . . Here is Camille . . . she loved the big bins of apples . This is how we pick them , they are so cheap ! Only $ 4 for a whole bag of McIntosh , $ 5 for the other varieties . . . . I have no idea who that heavy lady is holding her . . . . Charlotte Claire . . . . . and that lady again in the background picking out squash . . . Jonathan loved packing the apple bags . I was going to buy 5 bags of apples , two of the Mc 's and three of the others . Before I knew it , they had 4 bags of McIntosh being filled . I had wanted to bring some apples to my brother , and to my sister , so it was fine . . . . Here is Jon , with that lady in the background again , with Camille , Sonja , and Charlotte Claire . To Camille , everything is an adventure . She wanted to keep the squash . There . And here is what we brought home , after dropping off a bag at my brother 's house , and a bag at my sister 's house . She invited us in , so we all visited for a while with her , two of my nieces , and her sweet little baby grandson , Will . It is so nice to have all these apples . When I pay $ 2 . 50 or $ 3 . 00 in the supermarket for a three pound bag , and they go so fast . . . . . I like to cut them up so they share . But they like them in their lunches . This apple place said they have SO many McIntosh apples , almost 100 of the big bins of them . Wow . I wish I knew a good place to store them , I would buy more and have them throughout the winter . We are also itching to bake now . I bought a whole bag of Cortland , they are excellent for pies . Rosie is nice and clean . Apparently , Mali , Joseph , Aaron , Sam , and Kathryn went in the hot tub , and let Rosie in with them . She just begs and whines , she loves water . She just had a bath yesterday , so she probably didn 't get the water too dirty . Anyway , they blowdried her afterward . I asked if she liked it and they said she did not , but Aaron helPosted by Jon was so tired last night after a long day at kindergarten and then childrens ' choir practice , this is what he did when they got home . . . . In our school , kindergarten goes all day . They leave at 8 : 30 and get home after 4pm . That is a long day for a little child . But they go on the track every day , and they get their little naps , and supposedly it is a more leisurely day for them . They do art and music and gym and everything the older kids do . But it tires them out , that is why I am not adverse to keeping them home here and there . . . . . . Jon , Charlotte Claire and Camille like playing with Rosie . Rosie is the mom , Jon is the dad , and the girls are the big sister and the baby . They crawl around behind her , they maul her and pet her and climb on her and call her , " Mommy " . . . . . . and I watch and worry that she will haul off and snap at them . . . . but she hasn 't . Although she bites Mali like there is no tomorrow . Just look at Camille in this picture . . . . she is so sweet and affectionate , but such a BRAT ! She loves being sung to . Last night she did not want to go to bed , " No want it , night night ! " , she kept declaring . Then Mirielle offered to sing her a song , and she rushed over and jumped into her arms , saying , " Butterfly , Butterfly " , which is what Mirielle sings to her . I sung the Teddy Bear Picnic to her three times in a row this morning , she just melts and hugs and sucks her thumb . . . . . . but , she is such a monster ! ! ! They were all in the cage with Rosie . So now the medium sized kids , Kathryn , Evelyn , Suzanne , and Sonja , are out in the way back yard making a fort . I saw a blue sheet structure from the window , and then I saw Kathryn with a lamp that doesn 't work anymore . I was planning to take them all to the apple place , but they are having so much fun with their fort , I think I will wait . Fort - making is a wonderful thing . This morning the kids wanted hot cocoa because it was chilly in here . I was nice and said yes . Then I realized as I cleaned up the mess that they hadn 't had breakfast , only the cocoa with marshmallows . The messPosted by Rosie and Camille . . . Charlotte Claire and Camille like to go play in my room , where the things I stock up for birthdays and Christmas are hidden in my closet . Camille found a treasure . I hate to admit it , but I was very busy , and said she could have it . That is not teaching her much , but . . . . it was only $ 1 . . . . Tonight , there were 17 of us for dinner , everyone but Miss Emily Anne , who is in Norway . We had tacos and taco salad . 24 tacos , and lots of taco salad . It was such a fun dinner table , with Sonja showing us her spelling test and her neat writing , and Jon telling and re - telling the joke from his popsicle stick . . and the big kids being very bad , fooling around and laughing . We had a roast the other night after dinner . Most of the younger kids had left the table . The rules of the roast are that each person gets a turn being roasted , and cannot defend him / herself . We also suggest not being too mean . So it went like this : Sam : I don 't like when you have to do the dishwasher and you stand there complaining about every drop of food left on every dish , ect . And we go around the table , each person getting to give an exhortation . I didn 't like my turn much . Aaron doesn 't like it when I get too stressed . The other kids agreed . Ouch . I don 't either . I couldn 't defend myself , against the rules . The truth hurts . Oh , if I could live my whole life over again , I would be so much more careful about getting upset and mad . I really hate it , and my desire is that I can be patient and good when things get crazy . . . . . Well , Charlotte Claire and Camille are both in the bathroom , which is not a good thing . Tomorrow , apple picking ! I hope I remember the camera ! We were out of milk , Aaron needed contact solution , and we had no fresh veggies left . So off we went . The dollar store was nice today , I got Hot and Spicy cheese - its , Special K granola bars , 6 packs of soft pretzels , 1 lb . bags of frozen berries . . . . all for $ 1 each . Then to a grocery store we hardly ever go to , Tops . We got fresh burger for $ 1 . 49 lb . , and some interesting icecream novelties for less than half price . Peaches , peppers , bread , milk . . . . then to Aldi , which has some good deals , like a 2lb container of grapes for $ 1 . 58 . And the chocolate bars , being German , are pretty good for $ 1 . 29 per 5 ounce bar . So we are home now , and I am glad we got an early start so we have the afternoon home . The two little girls are playing house on the deck . Mali and Aaron came home early from school , they skipped the Pep Rally . They are going to ride their bikes 4 miles down the road to visit their cousins . I have heard a few comments about a squirrel in Margaret 's room , but I didn 't take much heed , I thought they just heard noises . Well , the story goes like this : The other day , Margaret saw a dead squirrel in the hall , so she went to get something to clean it up . When she got back , it had disapeared . She thought maybe the cat came along and got it . Well , it was still alive , and she saw it running around her room . . . . . then it was in Abigail and Mali 's room . Their solution : put the cat in there , too . First of all , Abigail has allergies , and she also does not like cats . Now the cat is in there , and apparently there are squirrel poops all over . Abigail is going to be so thrilled when she gets home from work today and finds all of this out . So there is never a dull moment around here . I woke up with a trememdous headache this morning . I think I have something going on with my sinuses . It was pounding so hard I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach . Paul left for work after waking Mirielle to get the kids out the door for me . She apparently thought it was just a dream , because she didn 't manage to get up until they were out thPosted by I found my camera card . Apparently Mali doesn 't have one , so she thought it would be a good idea to borrow mine . Great idea , but then I couldn 't take any pictures today . And I would have liked to get a picture today of my sister and I . Because we looked oh - so - funny . Oh my goodness , I have heard the stories of the identical twins who meet for lunch and have the same kind of dress on , and had no idea each other even had that dress , ect . Well , today my sister picked me up , and when I climbed into her minivan , she was laughing her head off . . . yes , we had on the same exact shirts . I may have been vaguely aware that she had one like mine , after I got in the van I sort of remembered that she wore it before . But as I put mine on this morning , it did not even cross my mind . Since we were of course running late , there wasn 't even the question of me going in and changing . . . . so off we went , to the church mass , in identical shirts . My brother thought it was hilarious . He introduced us to his relatives , " These are my sisters , the girls with the matching shirts . . . " I had sort of hoped no one would notice , ha . I felt like such an IDIOT ! After the mass , we went to visit Uncle Jerry but he was at dialysis . I had thought he was on a Monday / Wed . schedule , but he wasn 't there . Rats . We brought him a bacon cheeseburger and a small order of fries . We left the treat with the receptionist with a note , hopefully we will get back there soon for a real visit . We then went to our favorite bakery ( everyone has a favorite bakery , right ? ) , the one that smells like I am certain heaven must smell . It is a treat for the eyes , too . Chocolate cream pies and cakes and halfmoon cookies , cannoli and turnovers and pastries . . . . they all look so good . The donuts there are only $ 6 a dozen , they are huge and fresh and yummy . Mirielle tried a chocolate chip cannoli today , and was pretty impressed . I forgot to sneak a bite . Then we went to Dunkin Donuts for some coffee to go with our donuts . Then a stop in Target . Ha , a stop . My sister and I together are so slow Posted by I haven 't come out and said that , but . . . . I just got my camera , thought I 'd load some pictures . . and : ta - da ! No memory card . So I felt the little place where I was sure it would be in the side of my laptop . No memory card . The older kids are already headed to school , the younger kids have no idea where it is . This morning I have no time to sit here blogging . My sister is picking Mirielle and I up in less than a half hour . We are going to mass for my brother 's mother - in - law , who died last week . This brother is my younger brother , Casey . He has been hard hit by the passing of our parents . He lives five miles down the road from where they lived , and he was close to them , especially our mom . So I think losing his wife 's mom is bringing back alot of memories . It is just a hard thing to deal with , so my sister and I thought it would be nice to go to the services . After the mass , we are going to visit our Uncle Jerry . He is my father 's younger brother . My dad had 11 brothers and sisters , some have died . I worked with Jerry 's wife , M . , several years ago when I was first married , for a year , in an insurance agency . I got very close to her that year . Well , two years after I worked there , she ended up dead . My uncle was charged with her murder . Apparently there was drinking and jealousy and a strangling . Horrible . My poor father was pretty upset . I mean , who wants to see their brother commit such a crime , and be sent to prison ? My dad was the one who visited Jerry through the years , brought him money and ciggarettes . Jerry got out of prison a few years back , and now is doing very poorly . His son has never spoken to him all these years , and he has no one , nowt hat my father is gone . Jerry is in a nursing home on kidney dialysis . So , in honor of our father , my sister and I are going to visit Uncle Jerry . I just feel so sorry for him . I know from working with my aunt that they loved each other and had tons of fun together . Then at 36 , she was gone . I am sure if he could go back and re - live that awful day , he wouldn 't have done iPosted by It was so good to welcome Joseph home last night . His flight was right on time , and there he was , with his guitar on his back . When he got in the van , it was like he was never gone at all . Our plan to surprise Joseph with a cheeseburger when he got in the van failed miserably , well not miserably , hilariously . We chose the McDonald 's drive - through . We were greeted by a friendly voice , asking if we wanted to try some sort of hot drink . No , thank you , I said , and I proceeded to give her our order , which had gone from one cheesburger for Joseph to 3 hotfudge sundaes , two orders of fries ( one for Joseph , one for Kathryn , Mirielle and I may snitch a frie , but we NEVER order our own ) , and one cheesburger . After my order , nothing . The screen was blank . Hmm . Did it not work ? And the lady wasn 't telling me my total . So I drove around to the first window , the lady was not there . I honked . It was SO loud . Then a girl came over , opened the window , and told us they were closed . . . . why then did the lady take my order , I asked ? " Oh , " said the girl , " that was just a recording . . . " Okay . Needless to say , we laughed our way out of there . After we got Joe , we went to Tim Horten 's and got a few Timbits . I actually had a coffee at midnight , which helped me to stay up ' til 2 : 30 catching up with Joseph with Mirielle . . . . . I still fell asleep right away . But the night was short ! And , I was a good girl and had only two Timbits . The kids were pretty happy to have them this morning . 40 seems like a lot until we get them home . Today : laundry . There is a huge load in the dryer , the kind of load that needs hanging up . All nice lights , little girls ' clothes . There is a load in the washer , too . And a wet load on top of the washer that needs drying . And the hampers are full , and there is a pile of bedding waiting it 's turn . There is no way around it , just through it . The kitchen doesn 't look like a bomb went off in there , just maybe some firecrackers . Some idiot made tons and tons of stovetop popcorn , and a batch of kettlecorn on a school night . But I Posted by Margaret 's face was so swollen , she couldn 't see . The dr . gave her an antibiotic for her cough , and some prednisone for the allergic reaction . He thought maybe the same germ that gave her bronchitis may have caused the rash on her face . hmm . I don 't know , but she looks better already . We had almost no milk left at home , and no fresh fruits or veggies , so Margaret was okay with stopping at the store after the dr . appt . I just quickly got some bananas and apples and carrots and lettuce and bread and burger and paper towels and cookies and milk and a new fan ( it is a good time to replace fans , summer clearance ) . . . . . Tonight , we played restaurant . I stood at the counter with some leftovers , and let the kids choose what they wanted on their plate , then I warmed it for them . But we ran out , so 3 of the older girls , and Aaron , are having grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and tomato soup . Well , we have to go to the airport tonight , and I have clothes in the dryer , and clothes to get out for tomorrow for the school kids . . . . . Posted by I have to call the dr for Margaret . Her face is so swollen she can 't see . She wants to take more Benedryl , but I want to make the appointment first . I don 't want to have to drag a half - sleeping 12 year old . If I can 't get in ' til later , then I 'll give her more Benedryl . Today I have Margaret , Kathryn , Sonja , and Jonathan home from school . Charlotte Claire and Camille are up now , and just the older ones have had breakfast . The little girls had their orange juice though . We had a nice meal of spaghetti and garlic bread last night , and the boy who was supposed to wash the pans never got to it . Do I leave them all day for him ? After all , he was doing homework . And I cannot stand dirty pans sitting around . Maybe I 'll just wash them and remind him next time to do it when I say , NOT " Later , Mom " . . . . . It is a nice warm cloudy day . I really like the coziness of a cloudy day . It is so much better to be in the house doing general picking up and cleaning and taking care of the kids when it is cloudy . Sunshine demands that I go out in it , and causes me some discontent . Yes , I know the discontent is not really the sun 's fault . But anyway , I enjoy the cloudy weather . When Charlotte Claire got out of bed this morning , she asked , " Mommy , is it going to kno today ? " No honey , no snow yet , I hope . Mirielle and I are going to pick Joseph up at the airport tonight at midnight ! I am thinking of asking her if we should go early and go to the store to get something for a nice meal to make for Joe tomorrow night , as I don 't think he 'll like going to the store after his long flight . He has been gone since the end of June . He might go back for a year if he gets his work visa , but I don 't know his plans yet . Whatever he decides is fine , but between you and me , I would rather have him here , thank you . But then that is just me and my selfishness . I really want what ever is best for him . Camille is having a tantrum . . . . time to go . But sometimes the tireder ( now , I know that is not a word , but it should be ) I am , the longer I stay up . It is relatively quiet . Camille and Charlotte Claire are in bed , Paul went to bed , all the kids except for Aaron and Mirielle , who are working on one of Aaron 's school papers . . . and Evelyn who just came out to tell us that their fan burned out . In our house , that is cause for a sleepless night . We have fans in every room . That is why the kids sleep so well , they don 't have to hear each other sniff and snore . Anyway , Mirielle gave her one from her room . Margaret is sleeping , and probably won 't wake up without the fan because she took Benedryl tonight before bed . She has a strange rash on her face , looks like a reaction to the sun . It looks sort of like a bad sunburn that got swollen and itchy . Tomorrow it looks like I 'll be taking her to the dr . Rosie is still up , too . She is annoying , but I just love her to pieces . She is big and clumsy and beggy ( is that a word ? ) and intrusive . But I truly love her . She is very high - strung and needy and high - maintenance . But , I love her . Good thing . And , I have been tempted to put her on craigslist a few times . I have been looking at vacation packages ! ! Paul and I never went on a honeymoon . We got married on a Friday night , went to a nearby city to a Holiday Inn , then the next night in a different city to a RedRoof Inn . . . . then back in time for church . . . . oh , we were idiots , going to church that Sunday . And back to work on Monday for both of us . Ten months later we had newborn Emily , our own used mobile home , over $ 500 a month in college loans , Paul working a rather low paying job , and me at home with the baby . . . oh , but what bliss . Seriously . Anyways , we have gone on a few trips through the years , but through his work . A few days in Florida with Joseph as a baby , a few days in Washington D . C . ( at the Grand Hyatt , which was beautiful ) when I was 6 months pregnant for Ben . . . but Paul had meetings and classes , so it didn 't really count . . . although I did enjoy myself . . . . then one trip Posted by I tried to sneak . I just don 't always want company . So I gave them each a piece of Mirielle 's yummy cake , and off I went . When I came back , Camille and Charlotte Claire were stuffing their frosting covered hands into their mouths . . . . and Jon was telling them to stop . Poor sweet boy who doesn 't feel well . . . . . the look on his face says , " Mom , I told them not to . . . " Ooh , yum . Poor Mirielle when she got up and saw her cake . . . . Camille likes Rosie . . . . Rosie likes Camille . Camille is the source of yummy things for Rosie . She feeds Rosie chips , and is an easy target if she has a pretzel or something . Camille hugs Rosie , and pats her hard on the head . I have to watch and make sure Rosie doesn 't bite Camille . Camille likes to wear her froggy boots . Jon has a fever and feels awful . Margaret , Kathryn , and Jonathan stayed home today . . . . the girls seem to be coming down with the headache we have had . They are also probably tired out from such a big weekend . Here is the cake Mirielle made last night . She uses alot of chocolate in her baking . We buy the huge bags of Nestle chips from BJ 's , they were on sale the other day , so I picked up three . Three 72 ounce bags . Camille asks for some almost every night , when the other kids go to bed . Since I am so nice , I let the little girls have some cake before school . I promised them they could have some when they get home instead , but they didn 't want to take the chance . I don 't blame them . It is supposed to be sunny and in the high seventies today , just gorgeous . It is chilly this morning , though . It is hard for them to get out of bed when it is so cold in the morning . In the winter , at least the heat is on . Today is the first day of fall . . . . I absolutely love the fall , but there is this thing about it , this threatening - ness , like a foreboding spirit about it . . . . the shadows get long , and when the trees get naked and the wind blows . . . . . it is eerie . But so beautiful . But hey , I am the one who loves cloudy dark days . . . . So today is Monday . Catch - up from the weekend day . I did two loads of laundry yesterday , but it is still stacked up pretty high . The bedding alone is several loads . And sitting here writing about it isn 't getting it done . Camille He is still feeling awful . . . he has a headache and a slight fever . I feel bad for him , but I am glad he is staying home tomorrow . I don 't have to wake him up and drag him out of bed . He really really likes school alot , Mr . Jonathan . He is especially fond of the long bus ride , dreaded and hated by his siblings . Jon says the bus driver doesn 't put the bus into " park " when he lets people on and off , he just puts his foot on the brake . Good to know , Jon . Paul 's mother came over this afternoon , unexpectedly . If she called before she came , I would have cleaned up twenty or thirty things quick , and it would have looked okay in here . But instead , ouch . We have had a super busy weekend , gone all day yesterday , and I got up this morning and went to the church soccer tournament , day # 2 , with Camille , Charlotte Claire , Sonja , Suzanne , Evelyn , and Abigail . Mirille had already taken Samuel , Margaret , and Kathryn out there . I sold candy and helped my brother Bob with the grill . The kids lost their game , again . But they had tons of fun . When I got home this afternoon , I actually took a nap . I had stayed up sooo late last night , I was just worn out . I woke up from my nap with a wicked headache . So things were obviously piling up around here , but when the old head is pounding , who cares ? Then Rosie started barking , and I went out to quiet her . . . . and there was Gramma , coming up the driveway . Oh , I love her , and love seeing her . But , oh the five minute notice would be nice . The nice thing is , though , Gramma got new dishes and brought me over her old ones . A whole set of Correlleware . Oh , I am such a housewife , because I was truly excited ! She brought us a whole stack of Corelle bowls , too ! Abigail 's friend Stephanie is over for a visit . The hot tub is cranked up , and Mirielle made a homemade chocolate peanut butter bundt cake , which is baking right now . It smells heavenly . Camille is sitting on one arm of my chair , with , " Go Dog Go " , and Jon is dressed in a furry lion suit on the other arm of my chair , all warm and feverish and huggy . . Posted by I don 't feel like writing about today , although it was a good day . Soccer tournaments are always quite nice , except for the spring one this year , when I had the miscarriage . The kids lost all their games , Jonathan doesn 't feel well , and I had to leave early . But that is not what I am thinking of . I am thinking of how the important things in life are so easy to overlook . Sometimes the most important things seem like just interuptions . For example , I have a hard time multi - tasking sometimes . I might be trying to get a few things taken care of , then a child , say Sonja , comes along and tells me about her dream . Uh , Sonja ? Can you tell me about this later ? I am trying to think . I cannot think about what I am doing and listen at the same time , and we have to leave . . . . . Later , these things haunt me . I wish I could go back and hug her . With so many kids , I am being talked to and told things continuously , and it doesn 't magically stop when I am trying to remember everything we will all need for the day on soccer day . I guess guilt is a mother 's best friend , but I still feel guilty . I feel guilty when I am overcome with frustration , and I get snappy . It was interesting this morning , because Evelyn , who is only ten , is already acting teenager - ish . The whole stomp down the hall thing . The everyone - is - so - mean - to - me attitude . And I don 't intend to let it go . So I call her back out . While I am brushing Charlotte Claire 's hair . Aaron was sitting on the couch , and he whispers , " Don 't take it out on her ( C . Claire ) , Mom " . . . . . wow . Wisdom from the 16 year old . Because I noticed that yes , I was brushing too roughly . Thank you Aaron . There is so much to learn in the day , so much much more patience needed to help things run smoothly . Yes , it all seems to fall on me . But God has made it that way . " He has granted us all things pertaining to life and godliness . . . " ( 2 Peter ) . . . . . It can be so easy to see how others should be . How they should be nicer to their kids , or more helpful , or more respectful . But what I can 't see so clearly is how I amPosted by Camille dislocated her elbow . I am not good in these situations . I felt so sorry for her I started crying . Poor sweetie . . . . I thought it was a broken wrist the way she was holding the arm . . . she was hysterical when she moved the arm at all . . . the bad thing is that today we went shopping at three stores , and she only napped a bit in the van , and was a big fuss this afternoon . She would cry about everything , and wouldn 't go to sleep in her nice little bed , I tried twice . Her arm wasn 't hurt then , she was just tired . Then the girls took her outside while I did got dinner ready . Next thing I know , it is dinner time , and she just wouldn 't stop crying . Apparently she had fallen on the trampoline . Mirielle said she thought something was wrong with her arm , so I took her out to the living room to hold her while the others ate dinner . It seemed like a broken arm or wrist . . . . Mali volunteered to go to the hospital with me . We broke the law and had Mali hold her in the back seat of the minivan . I think she was almost going to go to sleep here . . . . Mali 's arms were getting tired , because if she moved Camille , Camille would cry . . . . Anyway , the doctor was so calm cool and collected as she manuvered the arm back into place . She then offered Camille a popsicle , which she held her hand out to accept . Just like magic . I was going to call this post " The Fifty Dollar Popsicle " . . . , the co - pay . So , just another reminder to always keep your hair clean and your kids dressed cute , ' cause you never know . So the lemon - pepper marinated baked in seasoned breadcrumbs chicken breast with fresh sweet corn dinner I made was enjoyed by all , all but Mali , Camille , and I . They nicely saved us some . Well , another busy day here in busy town . ( Richard Scarry ) I am a stay at home mom with 16 kids , no twins , Army mom , wife to Paul ( still crazy about him ! ! ! ) . . . 8 kids are still at home . . . . the kids : Emily 31 , Abigail 30 , Benjamin 28 ( his wife Ashley and our granddaughter Anya 3 ) , Mariel 26 , Joseph 25 , Aaron 24 , MollyRose 22 ( and granddaughter Lydia , 1 ) , Samuel 21 , Margaret 20 ( and son - in - law Adrian ! ) , Kathryn 18 , Evelyn 17 , Suzanne 15 , Sonja 14 , Jonathan 12 , Charlotte Claire 10 , and Camille 9 . Help for life can be found at www . activechristianity . com , which is a great source of encouragement for me . View my complete profile |
These two are trouble . Sweet , funny , trouble . If you call getting on the table and peeling all the bananas and putting them in the water pitcher sweet and funny . They dumped out baskets of toys in Charlotte Claire 's room , they got into the soap , they went in my room and opened some Christmas presents ( no , they weren 't wrapped yet , they opened them from their packaging ) , they pulled clothes off hangers in there , they turn on the treadmill and run fast on it , which is not allowed at all . The dumped Special K in Evelyn 's room , and they started ripping books . Why ? I do not know . They filled these laundry baskets with books and toys , and since these pictures were taken , they dumped all the stuff in the cage , and now are coloring . At the table , on paper . For now . They love playing in Rosie 's cage , it is so funny . To them it is like a little house . Rosie has been nice to Mali since I have been trying to be present when they are together , because Rosie listens to me 89 % better than she listens to Mali . So we went downtown today to get Joseph 's permit , finally . I parallel parked the big van ( well , sort of , I found a drive up spot ) , and we prepared to get out . I asked Joseph if he had his I . D . and s . s . card . Oops ! He forgot it . So we had an hour to burn before the dentist app 't . I didn 't want to go get the milk and groceries because it might spoil . So we went to DunkinDonuts and got a medium coffee for me , with cream no sugar , yum , and $ 1 . 99 Coolattas for the five kids I had with me . And I ordered a 50 ct . box of Munchkins , ( hey , if I 'm putting coffee on the charge card , I may as well get donut holes , ouch ) and the nice lady filled up with at least 75 . It felt 19 dollars worth of frivolous , but it sure was a sweet way to pass the time . And they appreciated it . After the dentist , we went to Walmart for the oil change . What an expensive oil change ! I got milk and bagels and tortilla chips and chicken breast and some tank tops for the girls , and a few t - shirts for the boys and some socks for Jon . Everything I buy is cheap chea16 blessings ' mom Today , I get to meet with the claims adjuster . He is supposed to be here this very minute . So here I sit . And after he leaves , I get to bring Mirielle to drop her car off to get inspected ( she is leaving tomorrow for Connecticut , rats ! ) , then pick up a few girls from school , make a stop at Motor Vehicles so Joseph can get his permit , then take the girls to the dentist ! Then , I get to get the oil changed on the big van . It was due in June . Oops . Paul keeps asking me when I am going to get it changed , and last night he handed me a coupon for the Valvoline place . Sorry , dear , but if I am getting my oil changed , at least I will go to WalMart where I can look around at good stuff while I wait . Dentist and Motor Vehicles in the same day . Ouch . The good part is that Aaron and Mali have a half day of school today , so they can watch Camille and Charlotte Claire . I do love my little girls , and they are great fun on an adventure . But those places and little girls . . . . hmm . Especially the dentist office . I have mentioned this before , but there is a nice cold water dispenser in the waiting room , which makes kids thirsty . Two year olds and three year olds are extra thirsty . And water in waiting rooms has extra gravity , and on the nice hardwood floor . It is not relaxing . And it has nothing to do with me wanting to read the People magazines , unless there are pictures of Jon and Kate . I was starting to grumble last night , when I realized the line - up of my day . It seems like I don 't live MY life , I just live the life that fits in with everyone else . Then I realized that Paul gets up day in and day out and goes to work . And he comes home happy , day in , day out . He doesn 't really love work , he doesn 't hate it , but he would much rather be home . But that is how his life is , so he does it and makes the most of it . And don 't tell anyone , but being a stay - at - home mom , or as we called in the early days , a housewife , is the best kept secret of all time . It is wonderful . Those cold snowy mornings when the others have to get dressed and go out aPosted by We are having some down time , the kids put a movie in . Margaret didn 't want her picture taken . Sonja , Joseph , Jonathan , and Sam . Evelyn Joy with her new flip - flops . . . she hasn 't wron them outside yet , so she gets to wear them in the house . Kathryn and Suzanne It is naptime , so it is relatively quiet . I actually stretched out on the couch for a little while . . . . the kids do not respect that . They think of very important things to ask me , like , " Mom , can we have ice cream ? " I decided to give up on the nap when Rosie noticed me and brought her big stinky face right up on my pillow . . . . . It has been interesting to listen to the kids ' versions of what happened last night . Jonathan was in bed , all tucked in , and he said he smelled smoke , and when everyone started yelling , he KNEW the house was going to burn down . Suzanne had been tucked in already , too , but was getting a drink of water , one of her favorite tricks , and she was one of the kids who first started yelling about the fire . Mali was in her room listening to music , and she smelled smoke , so she took out an earphone , and heard the yelling and screaming . Yes , we proceeded out the yard in a quiet orderly manner , ha . Mirielle actually sort of chastised me this morning for FREAKING OUT . Well , next time there is a fire , I will try harder to remain calm . She said that Jonathan was so upset because of the yelling and shouting . Well . . . sorry , Jon . I do think it could have been done a bit more serenely . But I had ONE thought , to get the kids out fast . It was in the back of my mind that the propane could blow , or the oil tank . Their bedroom is right next to the laundry room . . . . anyway , Mirielle got Charlotte Claire , and I got Camille out of bed . I felt like I was going in slow motion , like it wasn 't real , and like I couldn 't possible move fast enough . So we all found ourselves in the front of the house . . . . I had glanced into the laundry room and saw flames when Paul said to call 911 , and I was sort of a wreck . As we stood in the yard , with me counting and re - counting just to make Posted by Always keep your hair clean , always keep your kids in cute pajamas at night , because you never know . . . . what starts out as an ordinary day can sometimes turn crazy . . . Abigail was teaching the kids a nice song from her songbook . . . they were all mellowed out for bed . . . ( I just had to sneak this one in here , Camille in the basket ) We got the two little girls tucked in , then the bigger kids . . . . then ! The dryer was on fire ! It happened so fast , the black smoke was billowing out the doorway , Paul grabbed the fire extinguisher ( ALWAYS have one on hand , it saved our home . We literally would be homeless right now if we didn 't have them , he actually used two ) . . . . . he yelled to call 911 , and I started yelling for all the kids to go out the deck door to the front yard , RIGHT NOW ! I ran for Camille in her little green bed , and flagged down Mirielle to get Charlotte . Samuel was downstairs pounding on the bathroom door , Margaret was taking a shower . He was yelling for her to get out fast , the house was on fire . . . and Benjamin was lying in bed , half asleep , thinking Sam was just mad . It is not unusual for Sam to pound on the bathroom door . Anyway , we got out to the front yard , and I was counting , and panicking because I kept getting 15 kids . . . . who is missing ? And all the kids were yelling things like , " I 'm here , I 'm here " , and " MOM , we are all here ! " . . . . then someone reminded me that Emily is in Norway . Okay . We have the right number . The fire engines started coming , there were at least 8 or 10 , and about 40 firemen , plus the ambulance . The first thing they asked was if everyone was out . It 's funny , because I did not even think of one thing I wanted to grab . The kids were out , the dog was out , and I just didn 't even care at that point about the house , ( or sorry kitties , you didn 't even cross my mind ) . I was just glad the kids and Paul were safe . Our across the street neighbors and our next door neighbor came over , glad too that everyone was okay . It took a good ten minutes for the firemen to arrive , we live out in the country . At least Posted by Read this article http : / / news . yahoo . com / s / ap / 20090927 / ap _ on _ re _ us / us _ more _ schoolIt is disturbing to me , to say the least . More school ? Less summer ? Oh , come on . I don 't even know where to start . Why should my kids go to school more because some people can 't stay home with them during the summer ? Why does the government , particularly the big O . , think they , he , can raise children better than their parents ? " Here , let us take those kids off your hands . " And only the wealthy can enrich their kids ' lives during summer vacation ? Does anyone really think it is better for kids to be sitting in classrooms all year round ? I am sorry , but I think the kids don 't have enough free time as it is . In fact this morning , when I roused poor Jonathan out of bed for a nice warm shower , he started crying and crying . . . . and I felt like pulling him out of school . It just goes against the laws of nature to drag sleeping children from their beds and send them out the dooor . Or against the laws of what I find comfortable , anyway . And Samuel , my 8th grade is such a smart kid . But he always seems to forget to do some part of the homework from one of his classes , so he has afterschool homework hall almost every day . He is gone from 7 : 30 to after 4 : pm . It DOES help to teach him responsibility , hopefully he will catch on and be more diligent . But homework doesn 't set well with me anyway , they are in school for so many hours , and if each teacher gives them an assignment , they have no life . Especially because for some of them , they are not really learning , just doing the work to satisfy the teacher . When a child already " gets " something , the meaningless repitition is well , meaningless . And that is my public school rant for the day . Evelyn Joy is home today . She says she doesn 't feel well . She is cuddled up in the chair under a nice quilt Mirielle made a few years back for Gramma . She is watching channel 24 ( PBS ) . . . . she doesn 't seem to sick , but she never had the flu - y thing we had , so . . . . . Charlotte Claire is up bright and early this morning . She dPosted by The boys like Rosie , here she is with Aaron . . . Aaron decided to turn her into a mummy . . . . Next to her are all the toilet paper balls Aaron was trying to antagonize her with before he decided to mummy - ize her . She didn 't even care . . . . I told Aaron he was a toilet paper waster , but he said it wasn 't wasted . . . . . he had fun . So now the older kids are heading to bed , it is just Mirielle and I still up , and it is finally quiet . I SHOULD be going to bed too , but I need a bit of time . Rosie is settled down for the night , I still have to take her out to go potty , then put her in her cage with a few ice cubes and a treat . She is pretty good , when I take her out , I stand on the deck and tell her to go potty , and she goes down the steps , and goes , and comes back up . I am impressed . I tell her to go into her cage , and she happily goes in and sits down , waiting for her treat . She can be such a huge pain , she is just always underfoot , but she learns so much by just being around us all the time . She is pretty good with the kids , we just need to teach her not to bite Mali . I think Mali played so much with her when she was a tiny pup , she associates Mali with playing . And she bites her , not growly , but wanting to play . I wish I could say I was staying home tomorrow to clean the house . But I am taking Joseph to get his driver 's permit . And taking the big white van to get an oil change . And , surprise surprise , we need milk again . It disapears like magic . I was shocked when I went to get bedtime milk for the two little girls , and what ? I bought three gallons on Friday . Two days later , it is almost gone . And , we already had a gallon in there on Friday . Well , we did make cookies today , and it is the weekend . So we need milk and bread and bananas . The staples . And diapers . And pull - ups , which a few kids wear to bed . I don 't know why we bother , their bedding needs washing every day anyway , they would probably stay dry sooner at night if they just went without . . . oh well . Mirielle is leaving us again . She is going for a few months to help a famiPosted by I SHOULDN " T be so lazy , but . . . . we went to church this morning , sixteen of us . We had to take two vehicles because the big kids are so big , it is pretty hard to squish into the big white van . We had a very encouraging message this morning , to really redeem the time , to be interested in what God is showing us . Then we got home to the messy house . Ouch , how does it get so messy ? I need to snap out of it and get busy . The couch pile needs to die , but no , it lives and grows . It is moving over to the second half of the couch . When I am the only one to uses the washer and dryer , the pile stays small , because I put the clothes away as I wash them . But whenever someone else takes a load out , they put it on the couch . Then when the living room gets picked up , it is like : don 't know where it goes ? put it on the couch ! Sometimes the kids will even ask me where something goes , and I will just say , " put it on the couch . . . " So it is my fault too . As the mom of the house , I realize that most of this is my fault , but oh well , I am me . So , we got home to the messy house . Did I clean up ? Of course not ! ! ! I made a triple batch of chocolate chip cookies ! ! Delandie , Caleb , and Luke , friends of the boys are over , and Stephanie , Abigail 's friend , is coming over later . So we needed cookies ! ! ! And me , being so smart and capable , tripled the shortening AND the butter , instead of combining the amount and then tripling . So they are extra thin and crispy . Oh , they are heavenly in a different sort of way . And tweaking ( or messing up ) the recipe doesn 't affect the smell . . . . it smells wonderful in here . And to top it off , Mirielle is making apple turnovers ! She had the little girls all helping her , and it was so sweet to see them peeling apples and talking . I was tempted to take their picture , but decided not to . And now I am tired from all that cookie making and cleaning up the cookie mess , that I am taking an nice afternoon break . It would be nicer if the living room wasn 't so messy , but tired is tired , and I am tired . I am just plain jealous of pePosted by Off we went . . . . Kathryn Grace , Evelyn Joy , Suzanne Eleanor , Sonja Kathleen , Jonathan Robert , Charlotte Claire , Camille Anaya , and I . . . . . . . here is the happy Camille with Sonja . And Sonja with Charlotte ClaireEvelyn Joy , ten year old co - pilot . . . . Here is Camille . . . she loved the big bins of apples . This is how we pick them , they are so cheap ! Only $ 4 for a whole bag of McIntosh , $ 5 for the other varieties . . . . I have no idea who that heavy lady is holding her . . . . Charlotte Claire . . . . . and that lady again in the background picking out squash . . . Jonathan loved packing the apple bags . I was going to buy 5 bags of apples , two of the Mc 's and three of the others . Before I knew it , they had 4 bags of McIntosh being filled . I had wanted to bring some apples to my brother , and to my sister , so it was fine . . . . Here is Jon , with that lady in the background again , with Camille , Sonja , and Charlotte Claire . To Camille , everything is an adventure . She wanted to keep the squash . There . And here is what we brought home , after dropping off a bag at my brother 's house , and a bag at my sister 's house . She invited us in , so we all visited for a while with her , two of my nieces , and her sweet little baby grandson , Will . It is so nice to have all these apples . When I pay $ 2 . 50 or $ 3 . 00 in the supermarket for a three pound bag , and they go so fast . . . . . I like to cut them up so they share . But they like them in their lunches . This apple place said they have SO many McIntosh apples , almost 100 of the big bins of them . Wow . I wish I knew a good place to store them , I would buy more and have them throughout the winter . We are also itching to bake now . I bought a whole bag of Cortland , they are excellent for pies . Rosie is nice and clean . Apparently , Mali , Joseph , Aaron , Sam , and Kathryn went in the hot tub , and let Rosie in with them . She just begs and whines , she loves water . She just had a bath yesterday , so she probably didn 't get the water too dirty . Anyway , they blowdried her afterward . I asked if she liked it and they said she did not , but Aaron helPosted by Jon was so tired last night after a long day at kindergarten and then childrens ' choir practice , this is what he did when they got home . . . . In our school , kindergarten goes all day . They leave at 8 : 30 and get home after 4pm . That is a long day for a little child . But they go on the track every day , and they get their little naps , and supposedly it is a more leisurely day for them . They do art and music and gym and everything the older kids do . But it tires them out , that is why I am not adverse to keeping them home here and there . . . . . . Jon , Charlotte Claire and Camille like playing with Rosie . Rosie is the mom , Jon is the dad , and the girls are the big sister and the baby . They crawl around behind her , they maul her and pet her and climb on her and call her , " Mommy " . . . . . . and I watch and worry that she will haul off and snap at them . . . . but she hasn 't . Although she bites Mali like there is no tomorrow . Just look at Camille in this picture . . . . she is so sweet and affectionate , but such a BRAT ! She loves being sung to . Last night she did not want to go to bed , " No want it , night night ! " , she kept declaring . Then Mirielle offered to sing her a song , and she rushed over and jumped into her arms , saying , " Butterfly , Butterfly " , which is what Mirielle sings to her . I sung the Teddy Bear Picnic to her three times in a row this morning , she just melts and hugs and sucks her thumb . . . . . . but , she is such a monster ! ! ! They were all in the cage with Rosie . So now the medium sized kids , Kathryn , Evelyn , Suzanne , and Sonja , are out in the way back yard making a fort . I saw a blue sheet structure from the window , and then I saw Kathryn with a lamp that doesn 't work anymore . I was planning to take them all to the apple place , but they are having so much fun with their fort , I think I will wait . Fort - making is a wonderful thing . This morning the kids wanted hot cocoa because it was chilly in here . I was nice and said yes . Then I realized as I cleaned up the mess that they hadn 't had breakfast , only the cocoa with marshmallows . The messPosted by Rosie and Camille . . . Charlotte Claire and Camille like to go play in my room , where the things I stock up for birthdays and Christmas are hidden in my closet . Camille found a treasure . I hate to admit it , but I was very busy , and said she could have it . That is not teaching her much , but . . . . it was only $ 1 . . . . Tonight , there were 17 of us for dinner , everyone but Miss Emily Anne , who is in Norway . We had tacos and taco salad . 24 tacos , and lots of taco salad . It was such a fun dinner table , with Sonja showing us her spelling test and her neat writing , and Jon telling and re - telling the joke from his popsicle stick . . and the big kids being very bad , fooling around and laughing . We had a roast the other night after dinner . Most of the younger kids had left the table . The rules of the roast are that each person gets a turn being roasted , and cannot defend him / herself . We also suggest not being too mean . So it went like this : Sam : I don 't like when you have to do the dishwasher and you stand there complaining about every drop of food left on every dish , ect . And we go around the table , each person getting to give an exhortation . I didn 't like my turn much . Aaron doesn 't like it when I get too stressed . The other kids agreed . Ouch . I don 't either . I couldn 't defend myself , against the rules . The truth hurts . Oh , if I could live my whole life over again , I would be so much more careful about getting upset and mad . I really hate it , and my desire is that I can be patient and good when things get crazy . . . . . Well , Charlotte Claire and Camille are both in the bathroom , which is not a good thing . Tomorrow , apple picking ! I hope I remember the camera ! We were out of milk , Aaron needed contact solution , and we had no fresh veggies left . So off we went . The dollar store was nice today , I got Hot and Spicy cheese - its , Special K granola bars , 6 packs of soft pretzels , 1 lb . bags of frozen berries . . . . all for $ 1 each . Then to a grocery store we hardly ever go to , Tops . We got fresh burger for $ 1 . 49 lb . , and some interesting icecream novelties for less than half price . Peaches , peppers , bread , milk . . . . then to Aldi , which has some good deals , like a 2lb container of grapes for $ 1 . 58 . And the chocolate bars , being German , are pretty good for $ 1 . 29 per 5 ounce bar . So we are home now , and I am glad we got an early start so we have the afternoon home . The two little girls are playing house on the deck . Mali and Aaron came home early from school , they skipped the Pep Rally . They are going to ride their bikes 4 miles down the road to visit their cousins . I have heard a few comments about a squirrel in Margaret 's room , but I didn 't take much heed , I thought they just heard noises . Well , the story goes like this : The other day , Margaret saw a dead squirrel in the hall , so she went to get something to clean it up . When she got back , it had disapeared . She thought maybe the cat came along and got it . Well , it was still alive , and she saw it running around her room . . . . . then it was in Abigail and Mali 's room . Their solution : put the cat in there , too . First of all , Abigail has allergies , and she also does not like cats . Now the cat is in there , and apparently there are squirrel poops all over . Abigail is going to be so thrilled when she gets home from work today and finds all of this out . So there is never a dull moment around here . I woke up with a trememdous headache this morning . I think I have something going on with my sinuses . It was pounding so hard I thought I was going to be sick to my stomach . Paul left for work after waking Mirielle to get the kids out the door for me . She apparently thought it was just a dream , because she didn 't manage to get up until they were out thPosted by I found my camera card . Apparently Mali doesn 't have one , so she thought it would be a good idea to borrow mine . Great idea , but then I couldn 't take any pictures today . And I would have liked to get a picture today of my sister and I . Because we looked oh - so - funny . Oh my goodness , I have heard the stories of the identical twins who meet for lunch and have the same kind of dress on , and had no idea each other even had that dress , ect . Well , today my sister picked me up , and when I climbed into her minivan , she was laughing her head off . . . yes , we had on the same exact shirts . I may have been vaguely aware that she had one like mine , after I got in the van I sort of remembered that she wore it before . But as I put mine on this morning , it did not even cross my mind . Since we were of course running late , there wasn 't even the question of me going in and changing . . . . so off we went , to the church mass , in identical shirts . My brother thought it was hilarious . He introduced us to his relatives , " These are my sisters , the girls with the matching shirts . . . " I had sort of hoped no one would notice , ha . I felt like such an IDIOT ! After the mass , we went to visit Uncle Jerry but he was at dialysis . I had thought he was on a Monday / Wed . schedule , but he wasn 't there . Rats . We brought him a bacon cheeseburger and a small order of fries . We left the treat with the receptionist with a note , hopefully we will get back there soon for a real visit . We then went to our favorite bakery ( everyone has a favorite bakery , right ? ) , the one that smells like I am certain heaven must smell . It is a treat for the eyes , too . Chocolate cream pies and cakes and halfmoon cookies , cannoli and turnovers and pastries . . . . they all look so good . The donuts there are only $ 6 a dozen , they are huge and fresh and yummy . Mirielle tried a chocolate chip cannoli today , and was pretty impressed . I forgot to sneak a bite . Then we went to Dunkin Donuts for some coffee to go with our donuts . Then a stop in Target . Ha , a stop . My sister and I together are so slow Posted by I haven 't come out and said that , but . . . . I just got my camera , thought I 'd load some pictures . . and : ta - da ! No memory card . So I felt the little place where I was sure it would be in the side of my laptop . No memory card . The older kids are already headed to school , the younger kids have no idea where it is . This morning I have no time to sit here blogging . My sister is picking Mirielle and I up in less than a half hour . We are going to mass for my brother 's mother - in - law , who died last week . This brother is my younger brother , Casey . He has been hard hit by the passing of our parents . He lives five miles down the road from where they lived , and he was close to them , especially our mom . So I think losing his wife 's mom is bringing back alot of memories . It is just a hard thing to deal with , so my sister and I thought it would be nice to go to the services . After the mass , we are going to visit our Uncle Jerry . He is my father 's younger brother . My dad had 11 brothers and sisters , some have died . I worked with Jerry 's wife , M . , several years ago when I was first married , for a year , in an insurance agency . I got very close to her that year . Well , two years after I worked there , she ended up dead . My uncle was charged with her murder . Apparently there was drinking and jealousy and a strangling . Horrible . My poor father was pretty upset . I mean , who wants to see their brother commit such a crime , and be sent to prison ? My dad was the one who visited Jerry through the years , brought him money and ciggarettes . Jerry got out of prison a few years back , and now is doing very poorly . His son has never spoken to him all these years , and he has no one , nowt hat my father is gone . Jerry is in a nursing home on kidney dialysis . So , in honor of our father , my sister and I are going to visit Uncle Jerry . I just feel so sorry for him . I know from working with my aunt that they loved each other and had tons of fun together . Then at 36 , she was gone . I am sure if he could go back and re - live that awful day , he wouldn 't have done iPosted by It was so good to welcome Joseph home last night . His flight was right on time , and there he was , with his guitar on his back . When he got in the van , it was like he was never gone at all . Our plan to surprise Joseph with a cheeseburger when he got in the van failed miserably , well not miserably , hilariously . We chose the McDonald 's drive - through . We were greeted by a friendly voice , asking if we wanted to try some sort of hot drink . No , thank you , I said , and I proceeded to give her our order , which had gone from one cheesburger for Joseph to 3 hotfudge sundaes , two orders of fries ( one for Joseph , one for Kathryn , Mirielle and I may snitch a frie , but we NEVER order our own ) , and one cheesburger . After my order , nothing . The screen was blank . Hmm . Did it not work ? And the lady wasn 't telling me my total . So I drove around to the first window , the lady was not there . I honked . It was SO loud . Then a girl came over , opened the window , and told us they were closed . . . . why then did the lady take my order , I asked ? " Oh , " said the girl , " that was just a recording . . . " Okay . Needless to say , we laughed our way out of there . After we got Joe , we went to Tim Horten 's and got a few Timbits . I actually had a coffee at midnight , which helped me to stay up ' til 2 : 30 catching up with Joseph with Mirielle . . . . . I still fell asleep right away . But the night was short ! And , I was a good girl and had only two Timbits . The kids were pretty happy to have them this morning . 40 seems like a lot until we get them home . Today : laundry . There is a huge load in the dryer , the kind of load that needs hanging up . All nice lights , little girls ' clothes . There is a load in the washer , too . And a wet load on top of the washer that needs drying . And the hampers are full , and there is a pile of bedding waiting it 's turn . There is no way around it , just through it . The kitchen doesn 't look like a bomb went off in there , just maybe some firecrackers . Some idiot made tons and tons of stovetop popcorn , and a batch of kettlecorn on a school night . But I Posted by Margaret 's face was so swollen , she couldn 't see . The dr . gave her an antibiotic for her cough , and some prednisone for the allergic reaction . He thought maybe the same germ that gave her bronchitis may have caused the rash on her face . hmm . I don 't know , but she looks better already . We had almost no milk left at home , and no fresh fruits or veggies , so Margaret was okay with stopping at the store after the dr . appt . I just quickly got some bananas and apples and carrots and lettuce and bread and burger and paper towels and cookies and milk and a new fan ( it is a good time to replace fans , summer clearance ) . . . . . Tonight , we played restaurant . I stood at the counter with some leftovers , and let the kids choose what they wanted on their plate , then I warmed it for them . But we ran out , so 3 of the older girls , and Aaron , are having grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and tomato soup . Well , we have to go to the airport tonight , and I have clothes in the dryer , and clothes to get out for tomorrow for the school kids . . . . . Posted by I have to call the dr for Margaret . Her face is so swollen she can 't see . She wants to take more Benedryl , but I want to make the appointment first . I don 't want to have to drag a half - sleeping 12 year old . If I can 't get in ' til later , then I 'll give her more Benedryl . Today I have Margaret , Kathryn , Sonja , and Jonathan home from school . Charlotte Claire and Camille are up now , and just the older ones have had breakfast . The little girls had their orange juice though . We had a nice meal of spaghetti and garlic bread last night , and the boy who was supposed to wash the pans never got to it . Do I leave them all day for him ? After all , he was doing homework . And I cannot stand dirty pans sitting around . Maybe I 'll just wash them and remind him next time to do it when I say , NOT " Later , Mom " . . . . . It is a nice warm cloudy day . I really like the coziness of a cloudy day . It is so much better to be in the house doing general picking up and cleaning and taking care of the kids when it is cloudy . Sunshine demands that I go out in it , and causes me some discontent . Yes , I know the discontent is not really the sun 's fault . But anyway , I enjoy the cloudy weather . When Charlotte Claire got out of bed this morning , she asked , " Mommy , is it going to kno today ? " No honey , no snow yet , I hope . Mirielle and I are going to pick Joseph up at the airport tonight at midnight ! I am thinking of asking her if we should go early and go to the store to get something for a nice meal to make for Joe tomorrow night , as I don 't think he 'll like going to the store after his long flight . He has been gone since the end of June . He might go back for a year if he gets his work visa , but I don 't know his plans yet . Whatever he decides is fine , but between you and me , I would rather have him here , thank you . But then that is just me and my selfishness . I really want what ever is best for him . Camille is having a tantrum . . . . time to go . But sometimes the tireder ( now , I know that is not a word , but it should be ) I am , the longer I stay up . It is relatively quiet . Camille and Charlotte Claire are in bed , Paul went to bed , all the kids except for Aaron and Mirielle , who are working on one of Aaron 's school papers . . . and Evelyn who just came out to tell us that their fan burned out . In our house , that is cause for a sleepless night . We have fans in every room . That is why the kids sleep so well , they don 't have to hear each other sniff and snore . Anyway , Mirielle gave her one from her room . Margaret is sleeping , and probably won 't wake up without the fan because she took Benedryl tonight before bed . She has a strange rash on her face , looks like a reaction to the sun . It looks sort of like a bad sunburn that got swollen and itchy . Tomorrow it looks like I 'll be taking her to the dr . Rosie is still up , too . She is annoying , but I just love her to pieces . She is big and clumsy and beggy ( is that a word ? ) and intrusive . But I truly love her . She is very high - strung and needy and high - maintenance . But , I love her . Good thing . And , I have been tempted to put her on craigslist a few times . I have been looking at vacation packages ! ! Paul and I never went on a honeymoon . We got married on a Friday night , went to a nearby city to a Holiday Inn , then the next night in a different city to a RedRoof Inn . . . . then back in time for church . . . . oh , we were idiots , going to church that Sunday . And back to work on Monday for both of us . Ten months later we had newborn Emily , our own used mobile home , over $ 500 a month in college loans , Paul working a rather low paying job , and me at home with the baby . . . oh , but what bliss . Seriously . Anyways , we have gone on a few trips through the years , but through his work . A few days in Florida with Joseph as a baby , a few days in Washington D . C . ( at the Grand Hyatt , which was beautiful ) when I was 6 months pregnant for Ben . . . but Paul had meetings and classes , so it didn 't really count . . . although I did enjoy myself . . . . then one trip Posted by I tried to sneak . I just don 't always want company . So I gave them each a piece of Mirielle 's yummy cake , and off I went . When I came back , Camille and Charlotte Claire were stuffing their frosting covered hands into their mouths . . . . and Jon was telling them to stop . Poor sweet boy who doesn 't feel well . . . . . the look on his face says , " Mom , I told them not to . . . " Ooh , yum . Poor Mirielle when she got up and saw her cake . . . . Camille likes Rosie . . . . Rosie likes Camille . Camille is the source of yummy things for Rosie . She feeds Rosie chips , and is an easy target if she has a pretzel or something . Camille hugs Rosie , and pats her hard on the head . I have to watch and make sure Rosie doesn 't bite Camille . Camille likes to wear her froggy boots . Jon has a fever and feels awful . Margaret , Kathryn , and Jonathan stayed home today . . . . the girls seem to be coming down with the headache we have had . They are also probably tired out from such a big weekend . Here is the cake Mirielle made last night . She uses alot of chocolate in her baking . We buy the huge bags of Nestle chips from BJ 's , they were on sale the other day , so I picked up three . Three 72 ounce bags . Camille asks for some almost every night , when the other kids go to bed . Since I am so nice , I let the little girls have some cake before school . I promised them they could have some when they get home instead , but they didn 't want to take the chance . I don 't blame them . It is supposed to be sunny and in the high seventies today , just gorgeous . It is chilly this morning , though . It is hard for them to get out of bed when it is so cold in the morning . In the winter , at least the heat is on . Today is the first day of fall . . . . I absolutely love the fall , but there is this thing about it , this threatening - ness , like a foreboding spirit about it . . . . the shadows get long , and when the trees get naked and the wind blows . . . . . it is eerie . But so beautiful . But hey , I am the one who loves cloudy dark days . . . . So today is Monday . Catch - up from the weekend day . I did two loads of laundry yesterday , but it is still stacked up pretty high . The bedding alone is several loads . And sitting here writing about it isn 't getting it done . Camille He is still feeling awful . . . he has a headache and a slight fever . I feel bad for him , but I am glad he is staying home tomorrow . I don 't have to wake him up and drag him out of bed . He really really likes school alot , Mr . Jonathan . He is especially fond of the long bus ride , dreaded and hated by his siblings . Jon says the bus driver doesn 't put the bus into " park " when he lets people on and off , he just puts his foot on the brake . Good to know , Jon . Paul 's mother came over this afternoon , unexpectedly . If she called before she came , I would have cleaned up twenty or thirty things quick , and it would have looked okay in here . But instead , ouch . We have had a super busy weekend , gone all day yesterday , and I got up this morning and went to the church soccer tournament , day # 2 , with Camille , Charlotte Claire , Sonja , Suzanne , Evelyn , and Abigail . Mirille had already taken Samuel , Margaret , and Kathryn out there . I sold candy and helped my brother Bob with the grill . The kids lost their game , again . But they had tons of fun . When I got home this afternoon , I actually took a nap . I had stayed up sooo late last night , I was just worn out . I woke up from my nap with a wicked headache . So things were obviously piling up around here , but when the old head is pounding , who cares ? Then Rosie started barking , and I went out to quiet her . . . . and there was Gramma , coming up the driveway . Oh , I love her , and love seeing her . But , oh the five minute notice would be nice . The nice thing is , though , Gramma got new dishes and brought me over her old ones . A whole set of Correlleware . Oh , I am such a housewife , because I was truly excited ! She brought us a whole stack of Corelle bowls , too ! Abigail 's friend Stephanie is over for a visit . The hot tub is cranked up , and Mirielle made a homemade chocolate peanut butter bundt cake , which is baking right now . It smells heavenly . Camille is sitting on one arm of my chair , with , " Go Dog Go " , and Jon is dressed in a furry lion suit on the other arm of my chair , all warm and feverish and huggy . . Posted by I don 't feel like writing about today , although it was a good day . Soccer tournaments are always quite nice , except for the spring one this year , when I had the miscarriage . The kids lost all their games , Jonathan doesn 't feel well , and I had to leave early . But that is not what I am thinking of . I am thinking of how the important things in life are so easy to overlook . Sometimes the most important things seem like just interuptions . For example , I have a hard time multi - tasking sometimes . I might be trying to get a few things taken care of , then a child , say Sonja , comes along and tells me about her dream . Uh , Sonja ? Can you tell me about this later ? I am trying to think . I cannot think about what I am doing and listen at the same time , and we have to leave . . . . . Later , these things haunt me . I wish I could go back and hug her . With so many kids , I am being talked to and told things continuously , and it doesn 't magically stop when I am trying to remember everything we will all need for the day on soccer day . I guess guilt is a mother 's best friend , but I still feel guilty . I feel guilty when I am overcome with frustration , and I get snappy . It was interesting this morning , because Evelyn , who is only ten , is already acting teenager - ish . The whole stomp down the hall thing . The everyone - is - so - mean - to - me attitude . And I don 't intend to let it go . So I call her back out . While I am brushing Charlotte Claire 's hair . Aaron was sitting on the couch , and he whispers , " Don 't take it out on her ( C . Claire ) , Mom " . . . . . wow . Wisdom from the 16 year old . Because I noticed that yes , I was brushing too roughly . Thank you Aaron . There is so much to learn in the day , so much much more patience needed to help things run smoothly . Yes , it all seems to fall on me . But God has made it that way . " He has granted us all things pertaining to life and godliness . . . " ( 2 Peter ) . . . . . It can be so easy to see how others should be . How they should be nicer to their kids , or more helpful , or more respectful . But what I can 't see so clearly is how I amPosted by Camille dislocated her elbow . I am not good in these situations . I felt so sorry for her I started crying . Poor sweetie . . . . I thought it was a broken wrist the way she was holding the arm . . . she was hysterical when she moved the arm at all . . . the bad thing is that today we went shopping at three stores , and she only napped a bit in the van , and was a big fuss this afternoon . She would cry about everything , and wouldn 't go to sleep in her nice little bed , I tried twice . Her arm wasn 't hurt then , she was just tired . Then the girls took her outside while I did got dinner ready . Next thing I know , it is dinner time , and she just wouldn 't stop crying . Apparently she had fallen on the trampoline . Mirielle said she thought something was wrong with her arm , so I took her out to the living room to hold her while the others ate dinner . It seemed like a broken arm or wrist . . . . Mali volunteered to go to the hospital with me . We broke the law and had Mali hold her in the back seat of the minivan . I think she was almost going to go to sleep here . . . . Mali 's arms were getting tired , because if she moved Camille , Camille would cry . . . . Anyway , the doctor was so calm cool and collected as she manuvered the arm back into place . She then offered Camille a popsicle , which she held her hand out to accept . Just like magic . I was going to call this post " The Fifty Dollar Popsicle " . . . , the co - pay . So , just another reminder to always keep your hair clean and your kids dressed cute , ' cause you never know . So the lemon - pepper marinated baked in seasoned breadcrumbs chicken breast with fresh sweet corn dinner I made was enjoyed by all , all but Mali , Camille , and I . They nicely saved us some . Well , another busy day here in busy town . ( Richard Scarry ) I am a stay at home mom with 16 kids , no twins , Army mom , wife to Paul ( still crazy about him ! ! ! ) . . . 8 kids are still at home . . . . the kids : Emily 31 , Abigail 30 , Benjamin 28 ( his wife Ashley and our granddaughter Anya 3 ) , Mariel 26 , Joseph 25 , Aaron 24 , MollyRose 22 ( and granddaughter Lydia , 1 ) , Samuel 21 , Margaret 20 ( and son - in - law Adrian ! ) , Kathryn 18 , Evelyn 17 , Suzanne 15 , Sonja 14 , Jonathan 12 , Charlotte Claire 10 , and Camille 9 . Help for life can be found at www . activechristianity . com , which is a great source of encouragement for me . View my complete profile |
I think of lying on my back in my crib in the dark , in the middle of the night . It felt like the middle of the night because it felt like the whole world was asleep and I was the only person awake . I am in my crib with its pale wooden bars . My crib is in the smallest room of the apartment , a place where my father has his desk and his tall grey metal filing cabinet . I am awake . I can see the room around me , dark with shadow . There is a small man suspended up above me , somewhere near the ceiling . His face is stern and unsmiling . He is staring hard at me . I know that I must look back at him and I must not move . If I move I will die . I can hardly breathe . So what . Maybe it 's nothing . But that feeling of being pinned down , of having no choice . I associate that feeling with my father . I used to be so angry with him . I remember the day it started . My father and I are walking in the vast park near our house . We went there every weekend , he and I . My mother and my two younger sister stayed home . Nobody questioned this arrangement . Everybody knew my parents didn 't want to go for a walk together , and my sisters were too young . I had been going for these long weekend walks with my father since I was three , but now that I was twelve they seemed too young for walks . I was the better choice . My father and I were like a matched set . No one thought to separate us . We drove the few mintues to the entrance to the park and began to walk along the narrow paved road that wove through the woods and then out into open fields . We never saw other people there . We walked side by side , my father talking and swinging his walking stick . He liked to carry a walking stick as an accessory . He didn 't need one . My father was talking and talking , and then he asked me some sort of question and I didn 't feel like answering it . For the first time , it felt like some huge effort to bother to answer . I shrugged . " Now , come on , " my father said impatiently . He didn 't like rudeness . I could see I was making him angry . I felt he was right to be angry . I just didPosted by I wonder if I will tell my mother . I think about it . For a moment I imagined that my telling her might make her sick , might make her die . A few weeks ago I wrote to her and said that for a few weeks I wouldn 't call her . I 'd be in touch by mail . I haven 't written for a couple of weeks now because suddenly there is too much to say . A cheerful little card with a robin on it would be so false I can 't bear to send anything . So I know she 's thinking , wondering , probably worrying , waiting to hear from me no matter how independent she is . I keep finding more shreds of evidence , all circumstantial , nothing that proves anything , but the shreds are everywhere . I thought of the time in England . I was ten or eleven or twelve . I remember the nightgown I was wearing then , a pink one with no sleeves , not one I liked very much . It was plain and straight , something standard my mother had picked up . I had learned that on cold nights I could lie on my stomach , my arms stretched out beneath me , my hands pressing just a little in the place you don 't talk about , and it felt good in a strange , wild way . I remember bringing it up with my father . It felt like playing with fire . I wanted to see if he knew about things like this . I told him that when it 's cold at night I lie on my stomach with my arms underneath . That 's all I said . I left out the unmentionable part . I wanted to see if he 'd get it , or give some sign that he knew what I was really talking about . He didn 't . The moment passed . I think of the time in the taxi . I was eleven and my father and I were returning from a few days spent in Switzerland . I had never been with him on a trip like that before . I 'd flown by myself to meet him in Geneva . The first night we stayed in a fancy hotel . I had my own room , my father had his and they both connected into the bathroom . I saw a bidet in there as my father was giving me a tour of our suite . " What 's that ? " I asked . " It 's where ladies wash their wee - wee 's , " he said . " Oh , " I said , embarrassed . The next day we took a train into the mountains . MyPosted by I think the drive will take about twenty minutes , that I 'll make that right onto Apple Lane , a road I have passed for years , and then the left will be right there and then the second driveway on the right . I turn onto Apple Lane , expecting a little development , a few make - believe roads and cul - de - sacs , but Apple Lane has higher aspriations . It starts climbing a mountain . The left I am supposed to take comes after a couple of miles , not yards . I have left the town behind below me and I am on a steep road climbing up . The trees are all grey and leafless . The sky too is grey . Perhaps I 've missed my way , but no , there is the driveway he said would be there . There 's a small building off to the right , separate from the main house . I stop the car and look over at the quick notes I made last week while I was on the phone . Yes , he said there 'd be a separate building . This must be it . I step out of the car and lok out across a Catskills expanse . I feel way up high . It is beautiful . It is not often that I get up into the mountains I live so close to . I open the door and walk in and he comes to greet me . " Stan ? " I ask , extending my hand . He nods and smiles . I look at him . So this is Stan . It 's been a couple of years since I 've come to talk to a therapist . I 'm not sure I want to be here . No , I do want to be here , but still . He looks like this : a little bit like one of the seven dwarves , a type I am generally comfortable with . Comfortable looking . A cardigan . Sweatpants , socks , and a little round knitted cap on the back of his grey head . He asks me gently to leave my shoes by my coat and I step into a room that feels made of wood . There 's a desk in the corner and windows on both sides of the corner . He sits at the desk , turned in my direction , and gestures towards an armchair nearby . I imagine my friend Jane sitting there . She told me she 's been going to see Stan off and on for twenty - five years . I have chosen him for this reason alone . I sit in the chair and pause before I leap into conversation . I look around the room . I want to see where I am . There 's a fire - - real or fake , I can 't tell - - in the corner opposite Stan 's big desk by the windows . I cross my legs under me and somehow we get talking . Perhaps he says , " What brings you here ? " His voice is calm and deep . He looks trustworthy and I want to trust him . He doesn 't smile . His face is serious . He 's paying attention . He 's sitting cross - legged now too as if my doing so has given him permission , and we sit there like two old yogi 's . I had guessed from the prayer flags outside that he 's into something or other and this confirms it . I tell him lots of stories , mostly from the past , a little from the present . I talk alot . It 's easy to talk . There 's alot to say . But it 's like a door swung open a few days ago and opened up into a chasm I feel I 'm hanging over now . Suddenly the strings of memories that have kept me company all these decades look very different - - there is a harshness I never saw before , a barrenness , and the romantic father doesn 't seem so romantic . He seems like a monster , a lost and forgotten monster , unaware of his own demons . I stand up about five feet from him . I put my hands in my pockets . I don 't put on a defiant show like I might have ordinarily . This is a place I want to be very honest . I look down at the floor . " Your legs are long , " says Stan and I want to kill him . I flash on the boy thirty years ago who asked if I was a dancer . I hated him . I was wearing a leotard and jeans and my hair was in a tight ponytail . I knew I looked like a dancer that day , but it made me furious that he would fall for my disguise . I feel Stan 's gaze on me . " What are you feeling ? " he asks . " I have this feeling of ' unjustness , ' " I say , struggling to put it into words , " like I 'm being taken advantage of . " And I do , like he 's over there at his desk on some private trip and my body is supposed to be part of it . I look towards the armchair . " Sure , go ahead , " he says and I sit down . " You grew up too fast , " says Stan and then he adds gently , " You don 't have to do anything here that you don 't want to . " It sounds nice , but it 's not that easy . I am so used to doing things I don 't want to do . I like the room though . I like the wood and the mountains beyond the window . I can 't see anything from where I sit except mountain and it feels like I 'm in a special , privileged place . I thought I 'd do it last year , buy a bunch of small things - - like a box of Sucrets , like a pack of Stim - u - dents - - little things that my father used to like when he lived here , little things that don 't exist in Hungary where he lives now . I got the idea to send him a box of things like that for Christmas . I bought one thing for it , one of those round metal tins of small European - looking candies . These were orange flavored and they were right by the register at Deisings where I 'd gone for a buttered hard roll to eat on the bus into Manhattan . It was only October and I felt good getting a running start on my father 's Christmas present . I never got any further and sometime in February or March I put the candies out on the counter for the workshop . I think Fred at most of them during the week . Now it 's Christmas time again . I have just in the last few days begun to let the feeling in , and the idea of this Christmas package to Budapest is floating around as I walk through Eckerds , but I still put it off . My father never wrote his Christmas cards til after Christmas . It was one of his private rituals each year to go into his office ? there was always a room wherever we were living that held his desk ? and write his cards . I don 't know who he sent them to ? people related to his work , I think , mostly - - or what he said to them . My mother , my two sisters and I were not included . I only know what his cards looked like because he showed them to me each year with pride . I never liked them . They were always black and white , an etching or something very serious and adult with his name printed by a printer inside . And he enjoyed telling me that Christmas cards did not have to be sent before Christmas as long as they arrived by January 6 . Last year this theory bought me some time , but then I never got the package out . I imagined this morning taking a few hours to just focus on it , get it done and out , but the idea went up in my mind like a lazy firework , dying down just as quickly as it went up . It 's a good idea , this ChristmaPosted by This morning I called Betty McDonald again . Betty McDonald is a wild jazz violinist who lives down the road from me and is well known in the Hudson Valley . She performs a lot with different bands here and there . I heard her once and I could tell that she could just go wherever the music feels like taking her . Last year I was flipping through the bins of sheet music at the annual library book giveaway when everything is for free . There was a short grey - haired woman next to me also going through the music . We said a few things to each other , found out that we both played violin . Then the woman said she lived locally and did some teaching and if I ever wanted to come round to call her . When I asked she said her name was Betty McDonald . My first reaction was not to believe that she was offering me a lesson . She was just being nice , I thought , as I thanked her and moved away . A few minutes later though I realized that Betty McDonald had just offered me a violin lesson and I went back and really thanked her and said I would call . My favorite part of our lesson was when she played a tape of music over her stereo system and asked me just to play along with whatever came to mind . And when I left she said , " Go outside sometimes , into the garden or the woods , and just start playing anything , any notes at all . " I never did . I stayed with the regular violin teacher I had then , a nice big quiet guy who never gave me a hard time , was always patient and willing to work with whatever I came with . I always left my lessons with Ryan excited to play more and to practice and I could see that I was making progress even if it was glacial . Though I did complain about Ryan sometimes . Ryan is so laid back that sometimes I think he 's going to fall over . He broke his violin about six months ago and hasn 't repaired it yet . No problem , he plays his viola instead . He rarely thinks ahead to have new music ready for me . I find myself hunting for more things to play . I left him three messages a couple weeks ago about scheduling before he got arouPosted by I stood next to my father . He was sitting in the armchair in the corner of his room . It was our house in England . We had moved there in the summer . Then I 'd gone away to school and now I was home again because it was almost Christmas and it feels like we have always lived here . It is morning . My father stopped me on the landing just outside the bathroom . He said , " Your rport card came yesterday . It was not too good . And it was not too bad . We will talk about it after breakfast . " So I am in his room and the door is closed and we are by ourselves as we often are . Sometimes it 's like my mother and sisters live in one world and me and my father live in another . He is holding my report card in his hands . It 's my first one from this new school here in Engliand . It is a long white piece of paper . Each subject is in its own rectangel on the paper . The teachers have written comments in the different rectangels . I didn 't know they were going to do this . My father starts at the top . It 's Math . They call it " Maths " here . The teachers says that I am careless and that I don 't try and she gives me a low mark . My father reads each word out loud , slowly . I want to cry but I make myself not cry . I had thought I was trying . I hadn 't thought about it . The piece of paper says I came # 22 out of 24 girls . I didn 't know they were counting like that . School was easy before I came to this school . In this school my classroom is in a set of three classrooms that are in their own building apart from the rest of the school . We are in a wooden building , long and low . Each classroom has its own door to the outside and a set of steps . Everyone calls this building - - this set of three classrooms - - " the huts . " Inside you can walk from one end to the other , from one classroom to the next , opening and closing the doors that separate each of the three rooms . In the beginning I was in the first classroom , the youngest class in the whole school . Everything there was easy and it felt like playtime , not school . After a few days they said I could go be part of Posted by Kripananda was tall and thin and in about her sixties . Her hair was grey and she wore it in a tight old - lady - slash - hippy bun , utterly unadorned . She was a swami - - a monk - - and so she always wore the red or the orange , or sometimes it was a pale salmon color . Usually a sari , or sometimes a punjabi with the long tunic top . She had a high voice . Whenever you passed her she 'd at least smile . If she knew you she 'd say something teasing . She was a bit like an old - - though youthful - - schoolmarm . Utterly respectable , appropriate , playful but never out of order . And everyone looked up to her . After all , she 'd been the one who 'd hung out with Gurumayi when Gurumayi was still a teenager . Kripananda had been Gurumayi 's official English teacher , designated as such by Baba . I couldn 't imagine being that close to the gurus - - first to Baba that he would ask you to teach English to the future guru , and then to Gurumayi , knowing her when she was just a kid , long before she became the one up in the elevated chair being bowed down to . Kripananda had also published books . She was considered a scholarly expert on the Kundalini . She 'd translated Jnaneshwari , a thick piece of scripture , a thick paperback that I tried to absorb by reading a few lines every night as if it were cod liver oil . I actually liked the book . There were moments of warmth and inspiration there , but it still wasn 't the kind of thing you just sat down and read on your day off . I admired Kirpananda also because it was known that , no matter what , she got up every morning at 3 a . m . to meditate . Now , I did that too . But I was a low - life , a regular member of the ashram . I wasn 't one of those people who rushed around with pagers and bulging day books , who had so muich extra seva that they couldn 't go to bed til after midnight and therefore were not expected to get up for meditation or for the Guru Gita chant at 5 : 30 . You didn 't see the big - wigs at early morning meditation or at the Guru Gita . You saw the ordinary people . The ones who slept three to a room and showed up Posted by Natvar sits at the white marble table . It is a round table , about four inches thick , polished smooth , but not shiny . The smooth white surface is shot through with black veins . It sits like a coin on the black wrought iron stand with curved legs . Nothing actually attaches the marble table to its support . It just sits on top . But it is so heavy that it never moves or wobbles . In the spring we lift the white marble coin - - all four of us - - and carry it out through the sliding glass doors , out onto the roof terrace , the terra cotta tiles surrounded by flower beds . And in the fall we carry it back inside . Right now we are inside . We are all seated around the table in our regular places . As always , I sit across from Natvar . On one side of Natvar sits Mark . Mark is a young man with a bright boyish face who once danced with Merce Cunningham . He is going prematurely bald now . His eyes are round and blue . He is dressed up today in nice pants , a pressed shirt and a vest . He drinks his coffee from the blue and white cup and saucer . We are all having coffee . It is about 4 o ' clock in the afternoon and our first client will be here in about thirty minutes . Natvar has just gotten up from his afternoon nap and is still dressed only in his silk robe , tied carelessly . It is a dark burgundy color with a paisley pattern . Natvar is about ten years older than Mark , is also going bald , but where Mark is blonde and pink , Natvar is dark - - dark eyes , dark hair , pale olive skin . They are lovers , Mark and Natvar . They share the main bedroom that leads off the living room . We pretend to our clients that they are half - brothers . On the other side of Natvar sits his seven - year - old blonde daughter , Ariadne . She wears a pink terrycloth bathrobe that we bought her for Christmas . It was pretty much the most expensive bathrobe in all of Greece , but Natvar insists . He must have the best . And his daughter must have the best . Then comes Mark . Then me and Meredyth . Meredyth sits next to Ariadne because they get along . They share the second bedroom , the onPosted by This is where I am . In a single bed - a metal bedstead that is light enough for me to pull away from the wall when I make it in the morning with a thin mattress on springs - - in the corner of a room . There are three other beds in the room , two of them in a row beside me , and one at the foot of my bed at a right angle to our row . The older girl sleeps in that bed . She 's the head of our dorm and we have to do what she says . There is a wooden chair at the foot of each bed and I see that each girl puts her clothes there at night , ready for the nest day , so I do too . We wear the same thing every day - a brown uniform , except mine didn 't come in the mail yet when school started so I had to come without it . I kept waiting at home for my uniform to come , but it didn 't and I had to come without all the things this school had said you had to bring . My mother said it didn 't matter , that she 'd send everything as soon as it came and I should forget about it . But I look completely wrong here in my clothes that do not match . There is one window in our room with a chest of drawers underneath it . We are up at the top of the school , up on the third floor . There are three ways to get up from the ground floor of the school to the second floor . My favorite is the wide sweeping staircase that leads , curving , up from the front hall by the front door . From the top of the big staircase you go up a short narrow staircase that is enclosed within two walls . You feel like you 're going up into an attic and that brings you to our floor where the wooden floors aren 't glossy like they are downstairs . The floors here are dark and they creak , and the corridors between the scattered rooms - each a different size and shape - that hold the beds of the other girls , are dark even in the daytime . After dinner we play in the big hall downstairs - a huge hall with a polished floor where you can run and nobody asks you to be quiet . Then they bring us up here . There is a sink in every room and in the morning you are supposed to wash at the sink froPosted by I call Sam . His wife answers . I have never met her though I know her name is Sandy . Sam has been complaining loudly about her lately . I ignore it when he says stuff like , " She 's trying to kill me . " He doesn 't say it with a smile . He seems to mean it . He says things about his wife like you 'd expect Archie Bunker to say , or the kind of things I used to expect from middle - aged people who 'd gotten themselves into dead - end marriages . I used to think all marriages were dead - end . I never wanted to do anything that would last very long . I couldn 't imagine something being interesting for any length of time . I loathed and feared the term " settling down . " I even wrote about it in 12th grade . Sam seems to be someone who " settled down . " I remember him saying once to someone who had called in on the hotline , " Well , if you want to marry her , make sure her kids like you because a woman won 't ever choose the guy over the kids . " Sam is pragmatic . He likes to go to happy hours where the drinks are cheap . Pretty much everything in his world boils down to money . He said a week or two ago to someone else who called in , " Well , you say you want security , well , that means money , right ? " Like it was a no - brainer . He calls his wife " the wife . " He calls his daughter " the daughter . " His son " the son . " He smokes . He drives some kind of pick - up . He 's kind of handsome . He wears jeans and tee - shirts . He has thick black hair and a fresh healthy - looking face . Boyish . I call him tonight because I got invited to a group lunch to celebrate Rick who 's retiring . I called the organizer of the lunch this morning to say I couldn 't make it and she said she 'd reschedule the lunch and asked me to call Sam to find out when he can make it , then call her back etc . etc . I found myself knee - deep in group miasma , but still wanting to see if I could swim to shore . So I called Sam tonight and when his wife answered I didn 't say , " Hi , Sandy . " I just said who I was so she wouldn 't think I was some girlfriend and if I could talk to Sam . He got on the phone . " I 'm outside , " hePosted by The shag carpet is lime - green and white . It is hideous . It covers the floor in the living room , the bedroom , the closet , the bathroom . A temporary boyfriend pulled it up one weekend when he visited , just the part in the bathroom . He came just for two days and could not abide shag carpeting in the bathroom and ripped it out . " Come on , Marta , " he said . " You can 't have this stuff in here . " What about the squares of mirror pasted to the wall in the bedroom ? I posed there for Gary , another temporary boyfriend . It was his idea . But then he said , " Too cheesecake , " and I never saw the photos . It was nice to be asked to pose nude , but nor surprising that I wasn 't good at it . Sometimes people called me beautiful , but it seemed to be a particular kind that didn 't stand up to every test . These were the two temporary boyfriends who visited the shag carpet place . They had a couple of weekends each . They were futile attempts to fill the ache that clawed inside of me . There were two saltwater fish tanks in the living room , each set up on a wooden base and placed away from the walls , at angles in the middle of the room . There was a brown Salvation Army couch , an oval shaped coffee table with a plastic laminate top ? the fake - wood kind . Of course , there was a color TV on a stand with a shelf underneath that held the Beta Max . There were windows , narrow ones with glass slats . To look out you opened the slats . There was nothing to see out the windows . The greenery surrounding us was too dense to look at . It was southern California . It was Los Angeles . It was Fountain Avenue . West Hollywood . It was 1978 . I am twenty - one and none of this is mine . I am in someone else 's life because I can 't find mine . The mustard - yellow linoleum floor n the dark kitchen is sticky with oil from the plug - in fryer . I wash our dishes after dinner , but that 's all . There are fleas in the green and white shag carpet . I don 't notice them . My sister tells me about them when she visits . On the coffee table is a long ceramic pipe in shades of blue , fashioned to look likMartaSzabo I remember my father watching the Watergate hearings . It must have been before they bought the little SONY portable TV because he watched up in my room which was the attic of the house where the old TV worked best . The TV sat on the floor and some old couch cushions were also on the floor . I can see my father sitting on the floor , leaning against the wall , his legs stretched out at the end of his day in some Manhattan office , watching hungrily what to me appeared deadly dull . It was the summer of my 17th year and I was headed to Europe . I had just graduated high school , an event that meant almost nothing except relief that I wouldn 't have to ever go back there . My father , a Hungarian , had signed me up for a program that summer aimed at the offspring of Hungarians who were growing up in other countries . The program promised to teach us the language and inculcate us with Hungarian culture and return us home with a heightened awareness of our ethnic background . Whatever . I liked the idea of going to Europe alone . I had a real backpack now thanks to my almost useless high school boyfriend Ted who had taken me hiking and camping and taught me what equipment to get . So now I had a real backpack , the essential accessory for any traveler . I looked forward to being away from everyone who knew me and to being able to present myself as a woman on the road . I had read about the Icelandic Air flights to Luxembourg , the hippy flight where you could smoke grass in the back seats . I didn 't tell my father that part , but it was the cheapest flight available so this wish was granted . From Luxembourg the plan was to get a Eurail Pass , go to England to visit two or three friends , then backtrack to Hungary for my program . On one of my day trips into Manhattan with Cyndi , who was not a girl I deeply loved , but a girl who wanted my friendship and was the only person I knew equally interested in solo day trips to Manhattan , I got an International Students card which I had read was also another essential part of hippy European travel . I envisioPosted by On the phone my mother describes to me how Carlos , a man who lives next door to her in a small white house that my sister owns , how he raked up her leaves in the backyard for her , but how he left them in twelve small piles and said he 'd come back with a big garbage bag to carry them into the woods . " I told him how I usually do it , " my mother says , " that it would just take a few minutes . " " You mean with a sheet ? " I ask . " Yes , " says my mother , and I realize that I must have learned this from her for this is how I carry piles of leaves into the woods . My mother continues . It is already dark and Carlos has not returned and now she 's stuck with twelve piles of leaves and I can tell she wants to finish the job herself . My mother lives in a small white house . On my walk this afternoon in the woods with Tamar who is a beautiful black dog I imagined writing the story of my mother 's move into this house and how she lived there and what she did . And I 'd leave the story - - typed and stapled - - in the house so that the next person who lives there will know the history , or some of it , of the place . I lived in the little white house next door to my mother for six months , and I was remembering what it was like when I first looked at it and walked through its three rooms : the squalor , the children , the cockatiel crouching in his dirty cage , the toilet leaning to one side . Carlos who lives there now knows nothing of that past . I was talking to Catherine today on the phone and she was saying how different it feels to live in a place that you own instead of rent . She just moved a week ago into a house she bought . And I thought of when I moved into the small white house . I felt so powerful , like I had my own small kingdom for the first time . Today I was trying to remember that time , who I was then . I didn 't stay long , but my mother is still there . When we talk on the phone we usually cover these topics : what she is making for dinner , the people she works for , news from my sisters and father . I talk very little when I am with anyone in my famiPosted by A man came and sat beside me at the next computer in the coffee shop . When I got up to make a phone call he was standing nearby , about to return to his stool , and our eyes met . We smiled as if just by having sat next to each other for a few minutes we had an alliance . I returned from the phone booth and got back to my screen where I picked up my notebook and resumed typing . My eyes looked down into my lap where my notebook lay open . My hands and fingers moved across the keyboard of their own accord . I was going as fast as I could and I can go pretty fast . I had paid for an hour and at the bottom of the screen it said I had 25 minutes left and you could watch the seconds count down . While I typed my story about visiting the Budapest apartment I listened while the man next to me opened his cell phone and began to talk . He was calling an airline to confirm his flight , leaving November 6 from Newark , flying to Rio . " Brazil , " I heard him say into the phone as if the person at the other end had asked where Rio was . He spoke very clearly without trying to muffle his voice . " And do I arrive in Rio on the 6th or the 7th ? " he asked . " I 'm now going to patch in my secretary who has details to pass on to you , " he continued . " Please hold on . " He pulled the phone away from his ear , dialed , brought in the secretary . When he needed someone to repeat themselves he said , " I beg your pardon . " He was ready to pay , but the person at the other end said something . Mel was surprised . ( Yes , his name I had learned was Mel Thompson . Thompson with a P . ) " You mean , I 'm here with my credit card ready to pay you a couple thousand dollars and you don 't want it ? " He laughed a fake little laugh and paused . " And who does that benefit ? " he asked politely , condescendingly , a little like a person playing at being a grown - up for the first time . Finally he said , " All right . I will call you tomorrow and you 'll take the payment then , but the price you just quoted won 't change ? " He seemed satisfied . He wrote down the confirmation number . He was put on hold agaMartaSzabo I write , then come up for air , then look at what I have unearthed . It usually looks like just a handful of dust , not worth much . I could easily toss it out and forget about it . But I don 't . Not anymore . I add it to the pile . I am not sure what I am building , but this is all I have . For some reason , it is my most precious thing , the one thing that feels purely my own . In addition to regular workshops in Woodstock , NY , I offer one Authentic Writing workshop a month in Manhattan , always on a Saturday morning . If you want to write or to deepen the writing you are doing , please come along ! We meet at TRS , 40 Exchange Place , 3rd Floor . You will take home a great deal of writing plus the momentum and enthusiasm to continue . For more info : AuthenticWriting . com |
Published on January 31 , 2017January 31 , 2017 by nikewritesLeave a comment The challenge ends today . This was intense , but well worth it ! A brief battle with the immune system took me out this weekend , but I 'm back ! Today 's post is a recap of all the posts I 've written for this challenge . I 've placed a star beside each of my particular favorites . Feel free to back blog , like , and comment ! Published on January 25 , 2017April 11 , 2017 by nikewrites2 Comments Today 's story is in response to the DP Challenge Prompt : Ten . My name is Hortensia Louisa Broadway . Close family and friends call me Ten . My seventy - five year old mother lives with me . She is suffering from Alzheimer 's , and I am her caretaker . Since I take care of her , I don 't have time to take care of myself . I know . It sounds like a cop - out , but I really don 't . I don 't work so I can go on vacations , or have nights out on the town with my friends and maybe meet a nice guy . No , I work and schedule my time and finances around caring for mama . I watch a little more of her slip away , day by day . One minute , she knows my name and that I 'm her daughter . The next minute , she 's telling me to get out of her house - my house - or she 's going to call the cops . Sometimes , I can make light of her outbursts . Most times , it absolutely shatters me . It would be nice to be one of those women who have a meltdown and goes traveling to a foreign country to do yoga and find herself , or go hiking in the dead of winter and lose a few toes to frostbite , just for a change of scenery and spiritual enlightenment . But I can 't afford that life . I stay up all night to make sure mama doesn 't leave the house and get lost . My workday starts at 11 pm and ends at noon . The nurse shows up at 7am to tend to mama . I sleep between noonish and 6pm , while the nurse is there . This is my life , seven days a week . While I long for the future , mama lives in the past . Most of the time , it sounds like a happy place . Then there are the days she goes room by room , calling for him , the one that got away , only to end up on the living room floor crying for Winston . He was her first love . She loves the man who broke her heart more than she ever loved daddy . I think daddy knew it , too . He loved mama the way mama loved Winston . I remember the last thing my father said to her . He said , " Honey , I love you more than all the sand , on all the beaches . " She said , " I 'll see you when you come out of surgery , baby . " He didn 't survive the surgery . When I was about fifteen years old , she told me she married my father because she didn 't want to be lonely , but that she grew to love him over time . But , Winston would always have a special place in her heart . There are some things a fifteen year old doesn 't need to know . Shortly after daddy 's death , she went searching for Winston . She found out from a mutual friend that he married the woman he 'd left mama for , and they had seven kids . All girls . He 'd passed away the year before daddy died . It wasn 't too long after daddy died that I noticed the signs . She 'd forget my name , or that she was ever married , even though she still wore her ring . She 'd get dressed to go out , but only have her underwear on . After she left food cooking on the stove for the third time while she went out to grocery store to buy something for dinner , her landlord told me she had to go . He begged me to put her into a nursing home . Sometimes , it 's not clear to me if I resent mama or her illness . But I 'm angry that the day I brought her home to live with me , is the day my life stopped . I don 't have any siblings or other close relatives to spilt the responsibility of her care of with . At the same time , I wasn 't ready to put her in a nursing home . So , I deal with this burden and guilt quietly . I save my tears for the moments when I 'm alone . But I think it may be time to let her go . Published on January 18 , 2017March 23 , 2017 by nikewrites2 Comments Mama had good days and bad days . I was grateful for the days she remembered my name , or her wedding day or any part her childhood . I started to record her voice on my phone . I didn 't know how long I would have her with me , so I made it a point to capture her moments of clarity . I tried to record her on video once , and she cussed me out ! She called me everything but a child of God ! Sometimes , she talked about daddy . But mostly , she talked about good times with Winston . What I learned about my very proper , buttoned down mother during these moments of reminiscence was , she was a freak . She and Winston enjoyed each other every chance they got , everywhere they could . Not that I wanted these details , but she didn 't speak of daddy so passionately . She spoke of him fondly , matter of factly . For the first time in her life , she removed the filter and spoke her truth . " We were good friends . But that was all . You were an accident . I didn 't want children . He did . Now , I 'm glad I had you . You weren 't too bad as a child . You were a good kid . You turned out to be a good woman . And now , that I need someone who knows me , you are here . I 'm not entirely alone . " I pretended that her words didn 't sting . I pretended to appreciate her disease driven candor . Somewhere in that moment , I found myself wondering how much longer she would linger . Then , I quietly admonished myself for thinking such a thought and not enjoying her lucid moment . There were fewer moments like this , lately . My feelings would mend , eventually . She didn 't realize that being unfiltered was not her natural state of being . She used to be more diplomatic . At this point , I settled for any moment that brought my mother back to me over the stranger who didn 't recognize me most days . " Well , I was young . Maybe about fifteen , if my memory serves me right . I received and invitation to go to Tiffany Jackson 's birthday party . She was the rich , snooty girl at school . I 'm still not sure how I ended up on the invitation list . But I heard that Winston was going to be there . I had to be there ! It took a lot of convincing for my parents to allow me to go . Daddy was dead set against it because boys would be there . Back then , boys were considered more dangerous than street drugs are today . No parent wanted to lose their precious little girls to some fast - ass boy . Being seen in the company of a boy with no chaperone , was a BIG no - no . Anyway , after much debate , Daddy agreed to let me go , under the condition that he attended as my plus one . Embarrassing , to have your parent as your date ! You just don 't know ! " Anyway , I was surprised to see a number of fathers had the same idea when I arrived to the party . Some of the dads sat at the bar watching their daughters like hawks as they danced . A few of them walked up to their daughters while they were on the dance floor to warn the boys not to let their hands slip anywhere below the waist line . They followed their daughters around the hall , and stood outside the ladies room to make sure the girls weren 't trying to sneak off with the boys . My dad intended to dance every dance with me ! I drew the line when he tried to Walk the Dog . I went and sat down in one of the seats along the wall . Daddy didn 't leave the dance floor . He and Mrs . Jackson tried to do all the teen dances that night to demonstrate how silly they thought we looked . He wanted to make sure he embarrassed me enough that I didn 't dance with anyone . He succeeded ! All the girls laughed at me until their fathers noticed my daddy 's tactic worked , and began to follow suit . ' Hey there , Wallflower , ' he said . That became his nickname for me . He sat with me until the party was over . He tried to look aloof and uninterested in me to make my father feel good . Daddy came over a few times to make sure I was ok and that Winston wasn 't bothering me . That Winston was so smooth ! He was exactly what every parent wanted for their daughter , the perfect gentleman . But when he got me alone , ooooowheee ! ! That boy was fire ! " Mama gazed into the distance wistfully , a smile playing at the corners of her mouth . I watched as she retreated to that place where Alzheimers hides her away from me . I saw the light leave her face , as she turned to me . " Have you seen Winston ? Did you make him leave ? Winston ! Winston ! Where are you ? " She stood , and began to wander through the apartment , searching for her first love . I remained in the living room , wondering how long it would be before I got to speak to my mother again . Published on January 14 , 2017January 15 , 2017 by nikewrites2 Comments Today 's short story is a continuation of a previous post , Ripples . ( You might want to read Ripples first ! ) It 's also a fun twist on the Daily Post prompt : Unseen . Enjoy ! Semaj couldn 't find information on her - no family tree , no school information , no social network information , no pictures , nothing . Neveah Early didn 't exist . Even he was able to find bits and pieces of his own history on line . He didn 't remember the life he found in his research , but somehow it all made sense . He wondered how much Neveah already knew about his past life . Hopefully , not more than he did . He would have to walk into this dinner date cautiously . He reached the restaurant fifteen minutes early , hoping to scope out the area and see the moment she arrived . She was already standing outside of the restaurant waiting for him . She saw him as he pulled up and smiled . Semaj smiled back but wondered what her game was . Their first meeting was not random . It was planned and deliberate . The fact that she chose the restaurant and was there more than 15 minutes ahead of the suggested time struck him as suspicious . Dinner was pleasant . To anyone who might have been observing the couple , they appeared to be on their first or second date . Her body language gave the impression that she was interested in him . She leaned in when she spoke to him , her shoulders rounded and pointed toward him , she tilted her head to the right and looked him directly in the eye when speaking and listening to him . Her left hand caressed her exposed neck from time to time . She smiled flirtatiously at him when she wasn 't speaking . She hung on to his every word . He noticed all of this , as well as the direction of the conversation . Where did you go to school ? Did you play any sports ? What kind of work did you do before coming to Providence ? Why the sudden move ? Do you enjoy your current line of work ? He noticed that she didn 't reveal much about herself and she hadn 't talked about the " ripples " she 'd mentioned earlier . She was trying to gauge how much he already knew about his past life . She had no intention of giving him the whole story . " So , enough small talk , " he said , " Why don 't you tell me about you . Who are you and what is it that you do ? You mentioned there was a problem with me being here . You said something about ' ripples . ' Tell me about that . " " Very direct , " she noted with a slight smile . " I 'm glad to see that hasn 't changed . I was sent to find you . You may not believe what I 'm going to tell you next , but bear with me . You 're out of time . The life you 're living now , is not the timeline you belong to . You and I did use to work together . We were partners at Infinity Events . The event planning business as a cover makes it easier for us to connect with the people we 're looking for without causing major ripples in the timeline . We were on assignment when we lost you . We found you about a month ago and have been watching you since then . We believe the individual we were in pursuit of captured you , wiped your memory and left you here . During the six months that you 've been here , you 've come in contact with people that will have a major impact on future events . Your contact and influence over them , has already changed the course of several lives . We have to get you back to the moment you went missing , capture the criminal , and hopefully , that will set some history back on course . " Neveah nodded , pulled a small photo out of her purse an slid it across the table to Semaj . He picked it up and looked at it . It was a picture of woman . She was sitting on someone 's lap and laughing . The other person in the picture was cut off . Only the hand around her waist and part of the leg she was sitting on were clearly visible . " I can 't say that I have . " The truth was , he recognized her immediately . " Why are you looking for her ? What did she do ? " " I don 't know . But if she tries to make contact , we 'll need you to contact us right away . You have my card . " Semaj stepped into his apartment , sat down on the couch and replayed the events of the evening . If they 'd been watching him for the last month , they probably had his place bugged . He couldn 't trust anyone . Thankfully , they 'd planned for this . He grabbed his tablet , opened his email and sent a group message to his students . The subject line would be enough to alert her . He typed their code word on the subject line : Class canceled . Published on January 11 , 2017February 9 , 2017 by nikewrites1 Comment My shift was finally over . I couldn 't wait to get home and get out of my clothes . My feet were sore in spite of the shock absorbing ergonomic mats they purchased for each register . I stepped outside into the cool November air and was warmed by the notes of a saxophone . It had been a few weeks since I heard that sound . My friend had returned . I smiled and walked over to Drew 's Rotisserie and ordered two platters . My co - workers told me not to encourage him by feeding him . But he wasn 't homeless as they all had assumed . Leo was an old man that needed something to do with his time . He just wanted to share his gift . He loved to play . He never accepted my money , but he looked forward to a good meal and a dinner partner from time to time . I stood outside of Drew 's and listened to Leo play . He was playing , " Learn to Love . " Something in the air made the notes sound perfect . Not too much echo . None of the notes seemed to float too far away . The song could be heard clearly no matter where you stood the parking lot . I sat on the half - wall across from him . He opened his eyes as the last note drifted above us . I handed him his platter and drink . I wanted more details , but didn 't want to be rude and pry . So all I said was , " Well , I 'm glad to have you back ! " He offered an appreciative smile as he began to eat his meal . " I meant , I 'm leaving town . My sister is already here . She had apartment packed and called the movers to haul my stuff before I left the hospital . " " Yes , the bossy one , Loretta . She 's taking me back to New Orleans to live with her . Tracey is actually going to be moving down , early next year . It 's hard to keep up with each other with the distance between us . " " I figured you 'd move with in Tracey . It 's a closer distance to travel . No need to fly . " He told me how much he hated flying , once . " It is , but Tracey is a bit of a jet setter . She 's always on the go . But she 's moving down next month . She and I were the rebels ! We couldn 't wait to leave home and see new things ! I saw the world while in the military . She saw the world traveling with this orchestra and that . We 've had full lives , but this seems like a good time to go back home . That 's where the rest of our family is . All but our kids , that is . They have set up their lives in other places . Living away , just like we did . " I nodded my head . I planned on " living away , " just like his kids . But not having anyone you knew around , especially if things went south , was a bit of a risk . " Yeah , I know that look . " I looked up . I didn 't realize that he 'd been observing me . " It 's worth the risk . It 's not always lonely . And from what you 've told me , you come from a good family . They 'll be there if you need them . This is the time for you to live ! Take that job overseas ! Fall in love , but don 't have no babies too soon ! Don 't laugh ! I 'm serious ! Kids will stop you in your tracks ! See some things . Build some memories for yourself , then come back home and build your life . " " Good ! It 's a date ! " He handed me a slip of paper with his new address and phone number on it . " Put that in your phone , " he instructed , " I expect to hear from you before the month is out ! We may not live in proximity after today , but we can stay in touch . " Published on January 6 , 2017January 6 , 2017 by nikewrites1 Comment What did I have to lose ? If God was trying to give me a hint , I heard Him , this time . The second floor was on the sidewalk . The first floor was no where to be found . The house looked like it had been kicked over by a bratty baby giant . There was nothing left . This was the second storm to level the house my grandfather built . I didn 't have the strength or patience to rebuild it , again . The place was too big for me anyway . Family didn 't come around like they used to , anymore . There was no point in trying to start over in this place . I didn 't have much left . The furniture was destroyed by the flood . My bedroom was on the first floor . My clothes probably weren 't worth salvaging . They were probably moldy from the summer heat and humidity . I wouldn 't be able to get in to see if there were any pictures or other items that could be rescued , until what was left of the structure was deemed sound . All I had left were the clothes on my back and my car . I took a few pictures of what was left of the house . The house . It didn 't even feel like home anymore . I wiped the corner of my eye . I don 't know if the moisture was a droplet of sweat or a tear drop . I walked back to my car an willed myself not to look back . I remembered the story of Lot and his family leaving Sodom and Gomorrah . I remembered what happened to his wife . I couldn 't look back . There was nothing in this place for me anymore . I got in my car and drove away without looking in the rear view mirror . As painful and dramatic as this uprooting was going to be for me , I decided to make the best of it . I had a bucket list , and now seemed to be as good a time as any to chip away at it . I decided that the West was calling me . So I pointed my car in that direction and decided to answer the call . After all , what did I have to lose ? Published on January 5 , 2017January 5 , 2017 by nikewritesLeave a comment All she 'd said was , " I love you . " He didn 't say it back . She hadn 't expected that he would . She knew it was a one - sided relationship - if you could call it that . He was in it for one thing , she was in it hoping for another . She couldn 't always help saying what she felt . But those three little words sent him scurrying like a cockroach when the lights came on . He said he was running up the street for some cigarettes . But she 'd bought him an entire case a few days ago . He 'd have to come back for his stuff . She 'd find a box to put everything in , later . Maybe she 'd rearrange the room , so her heart would forget that he was ever there . Right now , she was trying to deal with the reality of rejection . How do you spend so much time with somebody , get to know each other 's likes and dislikes , show each other affection , get intimate with them , only to have the rug yanked from under you when you put what you 're feeling into words ? Maybe she should just burn his stuff , pawn his horn and give his fancy alligator shoes to Goodwill . He was treating her like a groupie . Groupies don 't care that you like lemon merengue pie . They certainly don 't make it from scratch . She leaned out of the bedroom window , smoking one of the cigarettes from the case she bought , and promised herself that she would never let a man into her life like this again . She finished smoking and turned back to the room . It looked like a tornado came through the place . That 's the kind of love they made . Wild , passionate , tear - down - the - walls kind of love . The record on the player still turned , the needle making that rhythmic static sound , begging to be turned over to the B side . She would deal with setting the room and her life back to right in the morning . She was about to crawl back into the empty bed to have a good cry until she fell asleep , when he returned . He walked eight blocks to the 24 - hour market and bought her the last bunch of flowers they had and a candy ring . He kissed her forehead and said he loved her , too . He said it like he meant it . She cried tears of relief . Maybe she could give love another chance , just one more time . Published on January 4 , 2017February 4 , 2017 by nikewrites1 Comment His mother wasn 't thrilled when we made the announcement . After all , she was only a few years older than me . She regarded me as some kind of pervert that stole her son 's innocence and opportunity to meet younger women , who could produce several offspring with ease . It would probably surprise her to know that I expressed concerns about our age difference on more than one occasion . Contrary to her belief , I 'm not the type of woman who was on always the prowl for the attention younger men . As a matter of fact , all of my previous suitors were around my age . This time , it wasn 't an age thing . He and I simply fit together . He is the perfect balance of vigorous youth and old soul . He wasn 't anymore his age , than I was mine . As I got dressed , I recalled our last discussion stemming from my insecurities . " Sweetheart , stop . " He got out of the bed and came around to where I was getting dressed and took my hands in his . I looked down at his hands . They were thick , strong and smooth . They still had the softness youth . Mine , while not wrinkled , showed their age next to his . I pretended not to notice . He let go of my hands , took me into his arms , and rubbed my back gently . " I 'm only 32 . I 'm not ready for married life , yet . I have plans and things I 'd like to do before I settle down . " I pulled away from him . " What else is there to do that you can 't do as a married man ? You have your career , you 're pursuing your second degree , you travel whenever you feel like it - with or without me . What more is there ? " " You want to explore your options are before settling down with an old woman . Don 't you ? " He at least had the decency to look offended by my suggestion . I saw his jaw clench . I did more than offend him with my accusation . I 'd angered him . He grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the full length closet mirror on the other side of the room . I looked at our reflection in the mirror . He towered behind me , both of his hands clutched my waist . He didn 't look boyish at all , especially now . He was the boss . My t - shirt was on inside out . He pushed my hair off my shoulder . I looked like woman trying to hold on the remnants of her youth . " I see a young man , who is pursuing everything a man his age should ; standing behind a woman that is almost twice his age , who has already achieved some of those things for herself , who wants to be by his side as he achieves those things , and more , for himself . I see a man who has been asked by his family and friends why he can 't find a woman his own age . I see a man whose mother wants grandkids , but if her son waits much longer she 's only going to have grand - pets , and I don 't think that will make her happy . I see a woman who may have robbed this intelligent man of a certain part of his youth , stunted his growth , and - " he cut me off . " And yet , I 'm still here . I need you to stop acting like we are on a strict schedule . We get to go at our own pace . You haven 't deprived me of anything . I 've had a chance to date women my age . They didn 't satisfy me . You are exactly my speed . I love YOU . I want YOU . When the time is right , I want to give you the proposal you deserve and the wedding you 've dreamed about since you were a little girl . No eloping . No Vegas chapel . I 'm going to stand proudly at one end of the aisle in a tux , and you will be at the other end in a beautiful gown , walking toward me . And you better not take off like that chick in the movie , because I will chase your ass ! " He proposed two weeks later . I smiled , remembering his proposal . He came to my office , and proposed to me in front of everyone . He even brought wine and plastic wine glasses for everyone to share the moment . He tossed confetti when I said , " yes . " The little stinker didn 't let on that he 'd bought the ring and had the proposal planned weeks before our argument . He let me believe that I would have to wait even longer for this day . Three months later , here we are , about to get married . I had a secret of my own . I had the stick packed in my luggage for the honeymoon . I 'd let him think my recent bouts of queasiness were wedding jitters instead of morning sickness . He was right . Everything was happening at our pace . What other people thought about our relationship was none of our business . I took one more look in the mirror . What did I see ? I saw a woman about to meet her husband . Published on August 20 , 2016September 2 , 2016 by nikewritesLeave a comment I 've reposted this story before , but came across it on my Facebook page today . I actually forgot about this story ! ( I know , I should know ALL my stories , right ? ! ) Empty Chairs takes a look at what happens to the families of criminals and victims . They both lose something , but the way most of us see justice , is that it has to take as much away from guilty as possible , their livelihood , even their life . I can 't say whether that is right or wrong . Take a read and share your thoughts . Who lost more ? Who deserves to mourn ? I was angry . Even though two years had passed , the pain was still deep . I understood her attempt at an apology was meant to bring closure to me and my family , but I felt like she was just trying to ease her conscience … The Post - A - Day Blog Challenge is almost over and I am patting myself on the back for keeping up with it ! So , just in case you missed it , I am going to recap and list what I 've posted so far . Here goes ! I 've been trying to write a story to the picture featured in this post for AGES ! It finally came together ! If you are into Women 's Fiction , Sound Sleeper is for you ! If you have a writer , painter , singer , or artist of any type in your sphere , you NEED to understand how to care for them ! They are fragile creatures ! Take a moment to read The Care and Feeding of Your Creative One , then apply the lessons learned . They will thank you . I haven 't written a poem in a while . Step by Step was inspired by a scripture that says , " don 't despise a day of small beginnings . " Take a read ! Be inspired ! So far , Hell Hound , is my favorite post in this challenge ! I let my hair down and let my twisted sense of humor come out to play ! 😀 This was inspired by two writing prompts . Take a read if you are looking for a laugh ! I needed to vent . So this post is about how Tired I was . I was having a challenging existence and you all are great listeners . Thank you for being there ! Dear Vonnie was last week 's Throwback Thursday # TBT post . It 's a snippet of a larger story . In this tale , a mother is seeking forgiveness from her estranged daughter . The Challenge continues ! Be sure to tune in tomorrow ! I have NO IDEA what I am going to write , yet ! But I 'm sure I 'll come up with something interesting ! Until tomorrow , good night ! 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Everyone goes out with a blast on New Year 's . Some people are civilized going out to dinner with friends and family , while others get shitfaced to the fullest extent . I had my moments , drinking at least 640 ounces of malt liquor and smoking weed . That didn 't go too well . I ended up in my girlfriend 's bathroom way before the ball dropped , on my knees , face in the toilet with my arm around her dog 's neck , apologizing to Scrappy for being wasted . Scrappy was very passionate towards me , showing her love by licking my face . Moments like that make me feel like animals understand me better than humans . So , I 'm not one to preach . I 've had my sloppy times on New Year 's Eve . A lot of my New Year 's Eves have been pretty fucking epic : pissing on parked cop cars , walking the street aimlessly with nowhere to go , running into people at the last minute and crashing parties I was not invited to . One thing I did learn is if you lurk the streets , you will somehow manage to crash someone 's party . I managed to be in this situation many times as I wander aimlessly around the streets of New York City during the holidays . Moments like these are priceless . As I got older , I learned not to get so wasted on New Year 's Eve . But then again , I actually never really did learn . I can see myself getting wasted at parties when I 'm 65 . The only reason I don 't get wasted on New Year 's Eve for the past couple of years is that I have been actually keeping a low profile . Maybe I 'm just getting lame . I did go to a party a couple of years ago , and yes , I got wasted . What 's the point of going out on New Year 's Eve if you 're not going to get wasted ? From what I recall , my girlfriend at the time was driving home and I kept grabbing the steering wheel and making her swerve . What 's the point of driving on New Year 's Eve if you 're not going to swerve your car all over the road ? So , the last time I got drunk on New Year 's Eve I turned into a complete fucking reckless asshole and when I think about it , I definitely feel guilty . I had another shitty New Year 's Eve locked up in another girlfriend 's apartment watching her mother 's dead beat boyfriend play video games and act like a complete bitch to me . He felt disrespected because I didn 't shake his hand when I walked in . They guy was playing video games and I didn 't want to interrupt him . Then , he has a hissy fit and storms out . All this bullshit was blamed on me . That night , I was kicking myself in the ass . It was a warm night and I would have had a better time if I went skating . But , these are the things you have to sacrifice when you 're in a relationship . I 'm just happy I don 't talk to that girlfriend anymore . Her mother was a piece of shit who hustled me money for her daughter 's college education . How low can you go ? Another girlfriend I dated had a yearly New Year 's Eve tradition of meeting her old high school friends for dinner . I can barely remember most of the times I went to this event with her . I was always ahead of everyone when it came to drinking . I would show up at the dinner wasted . I had no desire to show up at these events with her . So , I figured if I am going to be somewhere I don 't want to be I might as well get fucked up before I get there . I 'm sure her friends knew I was drunk but I didn 't act like an asshole . Forty ounces of malt liquor was my choice of drink : Crazy Horse , Colt 45 or St . Ides were the brands I liked . When I drank 40 's on the train all of the dudes from Newark would be freaking out giving props . Back then , it wasn 't common to see a white boy drinking a 40 on the train . I dated the girl with the New Year 's Eve dinner tradition for 10 years . I have nothing bad to say about her and learned a lot from her . She was one of the smartest people I have ever met in my life and by dating her I was able to learn a lot from reading books and writing . She introduced me to my first journal and to this day I am always writing in a journal . Thanks to her I 've been writing in a journal ever since . I am very thankful that she was a big part of my life . So , for 10 years , once a year , I would attend dinner events with her and her high school friends . The funny thing about this is that two of her friends found me on Twitter and are now following me . But , I didn 't follow them back because I just think it would be awkward to regroup with her friends even though it is on a social network . I would rather just pretend that they don 't exist in my life because we 've all moved on and I don 't have anything to do with them . One year , the dinner event was at Times Square and I was so fucking pissed . The last place I wanted to be on New Year 's Eve was Times Square - talk about walking through the gates of hell . I don 't know how I did it but I actually made it to the restaurant in Times Square on New Year 's Eve . They planned to have it there because one of their friends had an apartment right in the neighborhood . But , I was able to manage to make plans after our dinner to go somewhere else instead of hanging out with her high school friends . She was good about it and we had a nice New Year 's Eve without hanging out with her friends . If I could make plans to go to a show and if the show was worth it , she had no problem blowing off her friends after dinner . For some reason , its seems like a lot more was going on during the pre - Internet days and A lot of good shows were around then that I never see listed these days . Tickets were also more affordable unlike today . I was able to by tickets at the door a couple of days before the event . Back then , you really had to be a part of the scene to actually know what was going on . These days , all you need is an iPhone and everything is blasted and any jerk - off can show up at the show . So , these days , when you go to a show and you see a bunch of jocks drinking beers and talking about sports throughout the whole show and paying no mind to the band they paid to see , you can blame that on the Internet . Going to see a band play now is not the same . You can always find that asshole ( too many ) holding a camera up in the air throughout the whole show filming it for their YouTube channel . Going to a show is not as meaningful as it was during the pre - Internet days . Why bother going to the show if you can just watch it on YouTube ? Right ! ! ! Why support a band that you 're into when you can just download their album onto your computer . Right ! ! ! This explains why bands have to spend their lives on the road . They don 't make any money off their CD 's because they rarely exist these days . So , being in a band or some kind of artist these days is really not worth it . The people that claim they 're your fans are fucking raping you - unless they go to a show without their high tech expensive digital camera and buy a T - shirt or a CD from your table . Sorry to say , most fans are not there to spend money . If a band really wants to cash in instead of displaying T - shirts and CD 's on the merchandise tables , start selling iPhones and digital cameras . Have Apple sponsor your concert . Pre - Internet days I always found a good underground show to go to on New Year 's Eve . Now , I find myself doing nothing on New Year 's Eve , except sit at Starbuck 's and complain about the tourists taking over New York City . The most happening thing you will find in New York City on New Year 's Eve is all the tourists waiting in line at the bathroom at Starbuck 's . I just sit there and laugh and make fun of them . Their misery is my entertainment on New Year 's Eve - pretty fucking pathetic ! I was a dog during the relationship . I never bragged to friends or told anyone , but sad to say , I was a fucking piece of shit cheater . I guess I was insecure and dated other girls . The amount was so high that I couldn 't keep track of how many girls were my side dish . But , the good thing about it was I was not fucking all these girls . I was just hanging out and making out . I never got caught because no one knew . I never told a soul - not even my closest friends . I knew what I was doing was wrong and I didn 't want anyone to know my business . But , I will now confess that I was a cheater and to this day not proud of what I did . I was not out to hurt anyone and that 's why no one knew . So , the cat 's out of the bag . Even though I was a cheater , I still loved my girlfriend . I didn 't want to lose her but , at the same time , I wanted to have my cake and eat it too . That 's exactly what I did . I made sure I did not get caught up in the girls I was cheating with . I knew they were flybys where they would come and go with no emotions attached . But , eventually I fell for another girl . Instead of deciding what to do and who I should leave , I was in love with two girls . So , I kept them both without them knowing . I basically had to live two lives and the funning thing was that it wasn 't a challenge . It all came too natural . My mother shared stories with me about how my great - uncle was a ladies man . The reason she told me this was that my phone was always ringing when I wasn 't at home with different girls calling me . She never was mad about it , but found it quite entertaining because my siblings were the opposite of me . My mom would tell me stories about how my great - uncle had all these girlfriends and his wife got tired of it . For some unknown reason , he died eventually . My mom believed his wife poisoned him . Back in those days divorce was uncommon unlike today . The only thing I had to do was play my cards right . I always made sure I hung out with both girlfriends . The only thing that as hard was the planning . Who was I going to spend time with and what time was I going to meet up with the other girlfriend ? There would be times where I would go from one girlfriend to the other all in one day . I had to satisfy them both sexually , but I was really young so that wasn 't a problem . I just had to make sure I didn 't mix up the names otherwise there would be trouble . This went on for seven months and it was hard to keep up skating . I don 't know how I managed but I was also taking skate trips to local cities with friends of my mine . They knew about my long term relationship but not about my other girlfriend . Both of my girlfriends were Asian . The best thing about that was that I was dating two Asian girls before it became a trend for white guys to go after Asian girls . I was ahead of the trend . As a matter of fact , I am always ahead of the trends . On New Year 's Eve , both girls wanted to spend time with me . I felt like I was a rat cornered and I did not know what to do . I could not think of any answers either . I never thought the day would come when I wouldn 't have any solutions . I wasn 't about to tell these girls that I couldn 't hang out . Both of them were determined to spend New Year 's Eve with me and I couldn 't be at two places at once - unless they both wanted to go to same club . I 've done that before . A club is easy to disappear in and go from one girl to another . I was able to do that with my first girlfriend . I was a regular at a club I used to go to on Friday nights . I used to hook up with a girl there that was also a regular . I would bring my girlfriend with me because she always went to clubs . So , I would spend my night running from girl to girl and not get caught . My one friend thought what I was doing was fucked up but he was a true friend and never said anything . Right before New Year 's Eve , as I was walking down the street with my girlfriend , she spotted her best friend 's boyfriend across the street holding hands with another girl . She was pissed . When I saw that , it reminded me of what I was doing behind her back . I couldn 't state my opinion because , just like this guy , I was also a fucking dog . She wanted to call her best friend right away and share the news . Luckily it was uncommon to have a cellphone then . She turned to me and asked what she should do . I gave her the best answer I could think of , but I was also thinking about how I was doing the same shit . I told her not to get involved and that he would eventually get caught . The reason I said that was because I knew he would . I knew he was a cheater from the first day I met him . He had that pretty boy look . It was obvious he lived in New York City and she lived in Philly . I was the opposite of him . I wasn 't dumbass . A month went by and he confessed that he was cheating on her because the idiot got his other girlfriend pregnant . So , anyway , both of my girlfriends wanted to start their new year with me . That morning , I went to work and my stomach felt a little weird , but I didn 't think nothing of it . An hour after I got to work , I was throwing up in the bathroom . And this goes on all morning . My boss saw how sick I was ( stomach flu ) and he sent me home . Even though I 'm sick , I figure I would go downtown and pick up some movies at my video rental store . I figured that was probably going to be sick for a couple of days and stuck in my house so I might as well rent some movies . I get on the train and I feel fine . The only people that are on the train are , of course , tourists . By the time I get to my stop , my stomach feels funny . I get off the train , push all the slow ass tourists out of my way , run up two flights of stairs and throw up as soon as I get to the top . No one saw me because I ran and pushed everyone out of my way . I 'm sure they all had to step over my puke when they got I walked over to my video store feeling better and rented some movies . I called up my girlfriend of seven months and asked her to pick me up at the train station . It was still early in the afternoon . I thought once she sees how sick I am she will understand why I can 't spend New Year 's Eve with her . She drove me to Quick Chek so I could pick up some soup . As soon as I got out of the car , I was once again puking all over the parking lot . I also heard from a distance , someone who knew me yelled " Hey , Bob you started a little early this New Year 's Eve ! " I went home and contacted my other girlfriend and told her I was sick . Then , I went to sleep . Both girlfriends called me later that night to wish me a happy new year when the ball dropped . That was the first time I was happy to be home on New Year 's Eve . Being sick saved my ass . My father was not the best father . He was a wife - beater and an alcoholic . Eventually , when he left our home , he graduated to deadbeat dad . My father was into porno . He had a walk - in closet where he stored all of his porno mags . Instead of talking to me about the birds and the bees when I was a child he let my brother and I watch porno movies with him . When my father went to his AA meetings , my brother and I would go into his room and laugh at his Playboy magazines . His buddies at AA called my father " Wiggy , " but my father would never tell us why they called him that . My parents divorced when I was 4 - years - old . I remember times when my father would come home drunk and beat my mother . He would grab her by the arm and swing her around the house . My brother and I would hide under the bed when these horrible events would happen . The cops came plenty of times and my father would be back in about a week and pick - up where he left off . After my parents divorced , my brother and I would see him once a week on Saturdays . My mother would go to court a lot because my father refused to pay child support . My mother always explained everything to us . She told us never to hold this against him , which we never did . The only thing that sucked when my father moved out was that my mother wasn 't working and had to go on welfare . My mother always sent me to the store to get milk and bread . Even though I was a child , I was embarrassed to use food stamps . So , before I walked into the deli , I would wait outside until there was no one left inside . The court system never did anything to my father and my mother was never able to get child support . Eventually she gave up on the court system because they were not helping . The only thing they did was keep warning him . The only time my father took us shopping for clothes was the beginning of the school year . All the clothes he got us were from Kmart . They were cheap and tacky . Most of the clothes I got that I actually liked were hand - me - downs from my friends . I never had any money and never asked my mother for it because I knew she didn 't have any money either . When my sister got a job she had to pay most of our rent . I got free lunch at school with my lunch card . I was very fortunate that the system helped me out . Without help from the state , I wouldn 't have lunch because our refrigerator was always empty . We couldn 't afford to go food shopping once a week like most families . Eventually , my dad met a really nice lady named Janet who did all the cooking and cleaning for him . My father had a refurnished apartment with nice furniture , wall to wall carpeting , cable , VCR , cordless phone , etc . Meanwhile , the house I was living in was really old and falling apart . Even though my father stopped drinking , he was still an asshole . The only time we were able to get money off him was whatever change fell out of his pocket when he got up from lying on the floor watching wrestling . But , most of the time , he would notice his change falling out of his pocket . I am pretty sure he carried his whole bank account in one pocket . Janet always cooked dinner for us and served our food like she was my father 's maid . My father was a male chauvinist pig . When we were watching wrestling in the living room , Janet would serve us dinner . Then , she would eat in the kitchen alone . She was always the last person to eat , plus she would always wash the dishes . So , basically , if a woman wanted to marry my father , she would have to become his slave . The sneakers I wore were always worn out with holes in the bottom . My socks would get ruined from the holes . I remember those frigid winters when my feet were always cold and wet . There was nothing I could do . I was too young to get a job . During the holidays , my father would work for his buddy that owned a florist shop . He would bring me along and we would deliver flowers in a van . I would bring the flowers to the door and ring the doorbell . So , I got tot keep the tips . One time , a woman answered the door and I could see a German shepherd in the background running right at me . The fucking lady tells me not to worry , that the dog doesn 't bite . Nevermind being bitten , the dog was hell - bent on attacking me . I went to jump over the rail , but before I was able to get my second leg over it , the dog bit me underneath my ass . The lady locked the dog up and I had to pull down my pants in front of my dad and the lady to show them my wound . It wasn 't that bad . The lady gave me a shitty tip and I still have the scar to this day . When I would go to my father 's house on Saturdays , he would sometimes drive us to the other side of town to rent videos . He would sometimes bring the neighbor with us who was a couple of years younger than me . When we went to the video store , the neighbor accidentally knocked over the videos . I was joking with him and smacked him with a glove . I accidentally hit him in the eye and he started crying . My father went to grab me by the arm to swing me around the store like he used to do to my mother . I was able to prevent that by wrestling him to ground and pinning him down . I also recall him grabbing my brother like that once because my brother was pissed off at me . Seeing someone being swung around the room by one arm is kind of scary because you don 't know if the person is going to be smashed against a wall . So , I pinned my father down against the ground to prevent myself from being swung around the video store . I recall the other customers ' frightened facial expressions as if they never saw anything like this . I got up and attempted to run to the door . From behind me , I heard him yell , " Not this time , buddy ! " He grabbed me , put me in the car and drove me home . My mother was wondering why I was home early from my visit with my father . When I told her the story , she laughed . My sister told me that the only time he actually hit me was when I was 3 - years - old and he gave me a black eye . She made me promise not to tell anyone . My father lived on the second floor of a house next to a railroad bridge . At night , he would engage in creepy behavior . He would sit in the kitchen window with the lights out , face pressed against binoculars , watching the long hairs smoking weed and drinking on the tracks . I used to steal his Playboy mags and sell them to the kids in the neighborhood . Another time , I was skating with a friend who was smoking a cigarette . My father drove by us and screamed " I caught you , buddy ! " out the car window . My friend had no idea what was going on . I screamed , " Fuck you ! " back at my father . When my friend asked me who it was I said , " Oh , it 's just my father . " My father was also a very slick bastard . He showed up unexpectedly at a bank parking lot where I used to play baseball with my friends from the neighborhood . He told me and my brother to get in his car and that we were going to the Jersey Shore to his wife 's friend 's house . When my brother and I asked if he talked to my mother about this trip , he said he did . When we asked him if we could pack some clothes , he told us he already had clothes packed for us . My brother and I didn 't think twice about this because we never thought our father would actually lie to us . During our couple of days at the Jersey Shore , I only remember two incidents . The first one was when I went to get my father 's wife 's cigarettes from the car . The car was parked on a hill . I sat with the key in the ignition listening to the radio and shifted the stick from park to neutral . The car started to roll down the hill backwards . Luckily , there was a car parked not far from it that stopped my father 's car from rolling all the way down the hill . When it slammed into the other parked car , I put my father 's car back into park , got his wife 's cigarettes and went back inside the house as if nothing happened . My father never noticed anything out of the ordinary like the time , not long after the car incident , when I put my foot through his glass door . However , I recall hearing the couple that we were mooching off of complain that my father parked his car right up their ass . Of course , they never confronted my father about the parking incident . The second incident I recall from that trip was when the two kids of the family we were staying with were screaming at each other in their room . My father kicked down their door , grabbed them by their heads and crashed their skulls together . This resolved the argument quick . Once again , their parents didn 't confront my father . My father eventually drove us home . I later found out he never told my mother he was taking us to the Jersey Shore . My mother was worried sick for those couple of days hoping he would return my brother and I back home safely . She didn 't call the cops because back then the law didn 't or wouldn 't do anything about the situation . As I got older , I grew away from my father and didn 't talk to him . I didn 't hate him , but just didn 't want anything to do with him . He eventually passed away and he knew his children wouldn 't go to his funeral . But , my father had the last laugh . In his will , my father wrote that if my brother wanted the family ring that has been passed on through generations he would have to attend his funeral - and my brother did . Newark would definitely fall under the category of the 20 worst places to go . I live 20 minutes away from Newark - and that 's not a 20 - minute drive , but a 20 - minute walk . The only thing that divides my town from Newark is a polluted river filled with shit . Newark was a nice city until the riots during the 60 's and it 's been downhill ever since . During the riots , the authorities were smart enough to raise the bridge to prevent that shit from coming into my town and the other small towns surrounding it . The majority of Newark is black , so if you 're white and you 're in Newark you are the minority . If you walk or drive around Newark you are looking for trouble . The cops will automatically suspect that you are there to buy drugs and will pull you over right away . The cops will question you and other people you 're with . When you tell them the truth , the cop will say that your friend told a different story . If the cops don 't get you , the neighborhood will . Everybody knows everybody in Newark , so , when they see an unfamiliar face , they know you 're not from Newark . You will most likely get robbed or your face punched in - that 's if you 're lucky . There 's a lot of kids in Newark that carry loaded guns . Newark is the number one car - jacking city . As far as car - jacking is concerned , I 'm pretty sure it started in Newark . A movie called " New Jersey Drive " was based on Newark . Check this movie out if you 'd like a taste of what the city is like . I 've been to plenty of clubs and seen plenty of good bands in Newark , but you have to watch your ass and be on your toes . Newark is not a safe city to be strolling around . The block the club may be on may be safe , but one block away and you could be in the ghetto . You will get fucked up in a minute just for being in the wrong ' hood . Whenever I went to Newark , my friends would drive . Usually , we would go see bands play or buy 40 ounces of malt liquor . Sometimes we would go to White Castle and going to White Castle would always be epic . There would be crackheads trying to sell gold chains or pull out car radios , but they were the least of our worries . They were just trying to hustle to get money to get high . One Easter Sunday , I wanted to go to White Castle and asked my girlfriend to drive me . She had been to Newark plenty of times but not to the worse parts that I had been to . While driving around Newark , we got lost on the way to White Castle . We stopped at a red light and a group of kids standing on the corner started yelling shit at us . I 'm sure they thought we were driving around for drugs . She panicked and took off and wasn 't paying attention to where we were . She was driving the opposite way up a one - way street along one of the worst housing projects . Seconds later , we passed a cop and he pulled us over . He took me out of the car , slammed me on his car , took out his gun and put it to my head . He let me know I could get killed on this block . My girlfriend was still in her car being questioned by the other cop . When she saw the cop put the gun to my head , she freaked out and started crying . I wasn 't freaked out because I already knew that the cops in Newark had a really bad reputation . Then , the cop that has the gun pointed to my head starts screaming at me , asking me why she 's crying and accusing me of some stupid shit like hitting her . I had to tell the asshole cop , " She 's crying because you have the fucking gun pointed at my skull . " Eventually , the asshole cops bought my story about White Castle and let us drive away on a warning . So , basically , if you 're white and go to Newark , you 're on your own . Nobody wants you in their ghetto . These are the things you find out really quick when you walk or drive in their territory . The cops automatically think you 're there to pick up drugs . One time , I was with a couple of my skater friends . We were coming back from a contest and the driver lived right by the ghetto . I wanted a tour of the ghetto . As soon as we got to the projects ( which looked like someone dropped a bomb on it ) the cops pulled us over . We stuck to our story about my buddies giving me a tour of the ' hood . The cops thought we were either stupid or crazy when we told them about our tour . They told us that we could get killed . I already knew . It wasn 't the first time I had been to the ghetto , but I didn 't tell him that . I skated through the projects and got shot at . The bullet was so close my fucking ears rang . We took off really quick on our boards . Sometimes , you can get shot and not realize it . So , when we got far enough from the shooting , we had to check each other to make sure we didn 't get shot . Luckily , we were OK ! There have been so many times when I 've gone to Newark and so many stories to be told about it . I don 't even know where to start . One thing 's for sure , I knew how to carry myself and always walked away unharmed . Plus , I knew what blocks were safe and what ones weren 't . A lot of people that came to events at venues didn 't have the sense I have . One time , I was at a punk rock club in Newark on a quiet block . But , if you went two blocks deep you were looking for trouble . Two blocks deep , there was a liquor store with a bullet - proof widow with a rotating window . You put your money in the rotating window to get your beer . It was such a shady liquor store . It reminded me of one of those dirty check cashing places . I 've been to that liquor store plenty of times and there 's only one way to get there without getting beaten up or robbed . The only way to get to this liquor store was to drive . When pulled - up in front , you had to double - park , run inside , get your beers and run back out to the car before anyone said anything . A one - second delay will get you robbed , beat - up or maybe car - jacked . This place was no joke , man . Do your business and get the fuck out . One word said to you could lead you into serious shit . So , I 'm at this punk rock club and I heard this dude tell his friends that he 's going to the liquor store and asked if they wanted any 40 's . I overheard him and yelled " Don 't go ! You will get fucked - up ! " He looked like a tough motherfucker and looked at me as if he wanted to fuck me up . I tried warning him and was not looking for any kind of trouble . He left the club , and was gone 15 minutes . When he came back his face was covered in blood . I didn 't say anything , but noticed he didn 't have a bag full of 40 's with him . I assumed that not only did he get his face beat in , but he probably got robbed . These are the things the residents of Newark do for kicks . They will shoot you without thinking twice . Every once in a while , I still hear stories about how people are still getting their sneakers robbed off their feet . You thought that shit died - out in the 80 's ? Not in Newark . I 've been reliving my youth and going back to Newark . The shit hasn 't changed that much . You still have people selling bootleg DVD 's and CD 's on the corners . The pawn shops are still in business . If you 're white , everyone will still give you dirty looks . So , once again , I 'm reliving my adventures . Newark is definitely raw and not superficial like most cities are now . The rich white people didn 't try to take it over with their high rents , and I don 't see that happening any time soon . Don 't get me wrong - Newark has some nice parts , but for every nice block there 's always a ' hood on the next block . Even though people live on that nice block , they have to put bars on their windows to prevent robberies . I always hear about people that live on nice blocks getting their houses robbed or hearing gun shots . Now , let me get back to my adventures hanging out in Newark . My one buddy that I skated with had a crackhead aunt who lived in Newark . I used to always skate with him and his buddies . They were all Spanish and into rap music . When we would go skate , he would have to drive to Newark in his piece of shit GTO to pick up his aunt . The block she lived on didn 't look too bad , but the only problem was that she lived a half - block away from the projects . My buddy parked his car . It was a hot summer day . Him and his friend went inside the apartment and he warned me not to get out of the car . Twenty - feet away was a bodega . Five minutes after they left , I was thirsty and figured I would run inside the bodega and get a 50 ¢ bottle of Tropicana soda . I looked around and there was no one in sight . I thought , " What harm can happen when there is no one around ? " As I was walked up the three stairs of the bodega , a big black guy is walking down the stairs . As I passed him , he rammed his shoulder against mine . I go inside the bodega thinking , " What the fuck is his problem ? " I got my bottle of Tropicana and when I left the bodega , I found the whole fucking neighborhood surrounding my buddy 's GTO . My buddy came back at the same time I stepped out of the bodega . The guys in the neighborhood knew exactly where we were from . One guy starts questioning my friend about a drug addict he had a beef with that was from my town . He lifts up his baggy T - shirt that reached his knees and flashed the handle of a gun tucked into his shorts . My buddy did know the drug addict the guy was talking about - we all knew him - but my buddy played dumb and told him we didn 't . If he admitted he knew the drug addict it would 've led into bigger trouble . The dude would have done what he needed to do to send a message to the drug addict he had serious issues with . We got in the car and I sat in the back seat . I put my head below the window . You can never trust an enemy , especially when your have your back to them - especially those mothefuckers . Seconds later , we heard something smash into the car . It turns out to be a brick that luckily missed hitting the window . That 's when I understood why Newark is referred to as " The Brick City . " Skateboard season is in full effect . Everyone is out from the woodwork . Some faces are new while some are old . Those jerk - offs are back on their longboards still learning how to push . Penny boards are still being bought at the mall shops like Zumiez . More and more people are on skateboards that don 't belong on skateboards . The meaning of skateboarding is no or die ! Anyone who actually does skate knows the rule . If they don 't know the # 1 rule , they should not be riding a skateboard - plain and simple . Since day one skateboards were meant to do tricks on . That is the main part of its history . In the ' 80 's when skateboards weighed 80 lbs . , the Gonz was doing handrails . So , there 's no excuse to have a skateboard and not do tricks on it . The real reason why people ride skateboards and don 't do tricks is because they are pussies . If you 're going to be a pussy , don 't ride a skateboard . If you want some excitement , go rent a citibike they are all over the city , and stay the fuck off a skateboard . If you want to cruise , go buy some rainbow - colored fruit boots rollerblades . These people are making us look really bad and no one is doing shit about it . There 's only so much ignoring we can do . Let 's do something . If we don 't do something now , they will slowly take over our parks and parties . One thing I don 't want to see is Skate Jawn turn into a longboard zine . Fight now before it 's over . Bully a longboarder , you will be saving our culture . You ever get yourself almost in a shitty situation and your conscience tells you not to do it ? When you listen to it , after everything is done with , you 're thankful for going with your instincts . You go home that night and sleep peacefully in your bed . I don 't listen to my conscience . I go against it . By being hard - headed there are nights where I ended up in the hospital instead of sleeping peacefully in my nice warm bed . Do I regret it ? To be honest , I am not too sure . My brain does not work like a normal person 's . I 've done some stupid shit that I shouldn 't have done . There 's nothing better than skating fast . You know when you eat shit you 're going to eat it good . When my body slams on the ground it sounds like a piece of meat slapping the concrete . Doing this on a daily basis , pain is not that big of a deal . Instead of taking a break and chillin ' , you get up and it makes you more determined to land that fucking Continue reading → This issue proves that sometimes good things do come out of Instagram ; in the case , a free ramp . It 's always killer , and this issue is no exception : interviews with local heroes , a trip to Puerto Rico , NY Shaggy pops up to wax critical and there 's a also a section on the vice and possible virtue of wax . There are some pools and John Lassater looks to be an ATV ripper . There 's a ton of good crap in here , only my beef is that some of the photos are tiny . " Watch Shaggy vs . Zumiez ! All Day ! All Night ! Say Goodbye to Your Local Skate Shop ! Get the Fuck Outta Here ! Click on Shaggy to Watch ! Shaggy and Andy Roy Shaggy and LES Jewels twitter . com / @ shaggysk8es twitter . com / @ shaggysk8es Top Posts & Pages " Now he has nothing . Asking people for money and going through the trash for food ! " Billy Waldman : Shaggy Letter to Big Brother Magazine Jake Phelps talks about Neil Heddings Interview by Shaggy & Normal Bob Smith " It 's official NYC is a bullshit city . " Follow Blog via Email |
sweat off his face when he came right back inside . Hope these temperatures don 't last too long . Marlan came over for a nice visit with us today . She worked 14 hours yesterday ! She also had to take a phone call from the office while here . She said they have been slammed lately . I wonder if the heat index has anything to do it ? This little boy has the right idea doesn 't he ? There are tons of pictures on the news links of others trying to cool off including some walking in public fountains . I do think it is harder here because of our high humidity . I just want people to be safe and not overdo it . I woke very early and took my meds hoping to get back to sleep quickly since I 've been having a problem with that lately . Not only did I get back to sleep , I slept until 10AM ! Have felt pretty good . I did my first session of stretching exercises and am proud to say I did very well . I 'm supposed to work up to three times a day and feel like I will be able to do that . How do you like the professional diagrams they gave me to work with ? LOL I also worked on my neck some more to keep the fluid down . I was going to walk but Dwight and Marlan said it is just too hot . So tomorrow we will be enter the second half of this year . Thinking positive thoughts . I 've been a Chatty Patty today haven 't I ? Of course my day started very early and I 've been pretty busy . I got a little perturbed earlier and went for a good walk in the yard . Smoking Hot outside . . . even now . Just printed out some more spread sheets for my medications . Much smaller list now so that is good . I let Douglas and Jessie know I am not coming up there for their convention . I haven 't heard back but I 'm sure they were relieved . I am still working on some plans to get as much of it as I can . I need to call Jennifer and see if she wants to come over to see a CO 's wife she grew quite fond of when she was studying . Call me Jennifer and let me know . I 'm thinking Paul and his family will be heading home tomorrow . Hope they made some great memories in one of our favorite places and will be very careful on the highway . I wonder if Patsy and her hubby made it to the coast ? I haven 't heard from her so am thinking she is back where she wants to be . They have some more painting and small things to do and I know she will be glad when it is done . I just got my PJ 's on and am feeling pretty tired . I think Marlan and her hubby are coming over tomorrow . Can 't wait to see her . I let her know I 'm not going up when she will be there . Now that I 've decided , I know it was the right thing to do . Can 't do everything - - especially if you can 't drive . Nite loved ones . . . So I got very little sleep last night and have only had one 20 minute nap today . Color me tired and in pain . We arrived right on time for my 7 : 30AM CT Scan and I was blown away once again . The Radiology department is just as pretty as the rest of the Center . I had removed my earrings and all I had to do was remove my bra . Went into a small but pretty room with one machine in it and after I was situated , the scan took no time at all . I had to hold my left arm above my head at a strange angle which tells me loud and clear how much I need to do my therapy . This is not what the room looked like at all . It is just an example of the machine . Once I was helped onto the slide with soft sheets , pillow for head and under my knees , I looked up into what looked like a large cottage type window sit into the ceiling . Of course it wasn 't a real window but it looked real with a blue sky and white clouds and tree tops with different colored leaves - some green for summer and others colored for autumn . So peaceful to look up and see that . The room was pretty empty except for the machine and the clean wood looking floor and beautiful colors on the walls . My technician wore dark pants and shirt with the Duke Logo and you could tell he loves what he does . I have been so fortunate to have great people working with me for the most part . My appointment with Dr . Ready wasn 't until 9 : 30AM so we had a bit of a wait . He came in after he got the first result and said at first look , he didn 't see anything but would have to wait for the complete report . He said he felt he would have it Monday and would call if there was anything to report . Good news so far . He asked me about my therapy and I told him I had quit for now because of how bad they messed me up and set me back . He stressed to me that he wants me to do the therapy at home in spite of the pain because I really need it . I have been trying and hope I will get better . If I don 't , I 'll just have to suck up and go back . The bad thing is they are so over - booked , you might have to wait two wPosted by My zero gravity chair is in the house ! The chair arrived yesterday afternoon and Dwight put it up right away . After sitting in it for a period of time , he declared it as - okay . Ya gotta love a man of few words . Check out Miya - she was so curious . I love the one where she looks back at me as if saying - " Mama , what is it and why is Daddy sitting in it " ? Dwight put it in the car and we took it to my meeting last night . A brother met us at the back door , brought it in and set it up for me . It is a way too heavy for me to carry but that is what makes it sturdy . They set me up in the back of the auditorium right in the middle . As a matter of fact , since they have moved the chairs in a way to prolong the life of the carpet , we now have a wide center aisle and yep - I was sitting against the wall / window right at the end of the center aisle . Every brother who had a part looked right into my eyes . But what a wonderful treat to be at the meeting ! I arrived early enough to see many of friends . One of the first people to come over and talk to me was our CO ! He had been to see me on Wednesday and was excited the chair had come and I was able to make it . His wife was about the third person to make it over to greet me . What a lovely young couple ! Their picture was in the local paper explaining what they do with the congregations . It was a wonderful witness . This will be their last time with us ; they were filling in for our assigned CO . He said they will be at our convention so hopefully I 'll see them there . This isn 't a good picture but it will give Page an idea of how the red top she bought me looked last night . I wore it with the black skirt Patsy had given me . I 'm glad I took my wrap - it was nice and cool in the KH . I even tried to sing along with the congregation . I sounded like a scratchy record but it was so nice to try . Debbie put a chair beside me and came back to keep me company . She is such a wonderful friend and sister . Her daughter Kim and family brought me home and I told them how much I appreciate her Mom but that I worried she was going to wear herself out taking care of so many others . She worries about the same thing but we both know it is what makes her who she is . Debbie loved the home made pimento cheese Dwight got her when he went up to Roxboro and got himself some . Any - who - I 've been awake for close to an hour and need to get some clothes on . We are due at Duke at 7 : 30 for my CAT Scan and following appointment with my Oncologist . The temps today and through the weekend are supposed to be in the 100 's . Get the idea ? Thought this was so cute and definitely appropriate . Guess I had better get up and get some clothes on . Stay cool . . . . . This was a lovely picture of her when she was younger . I love the " Summertime " song above and ' At Last ' which was played at Faye 's daughter 's wedding . We are definitely in summertime these days . Dwight said it is supposed to be " smoking hot " this weekend . Sadly , the nice breeze has become a thing of the past for awhile . I did get to walk around the yard this afternoon several times . Dwight watered the flowers on the deck before he went over to Boyd 's to eat fish . I took a few pictures of the flowers and am happy to have so much pretty color to look at everyday . I also snapped a picture of our neighborhood " watch dog " next door - Rex . He was too far away so I 'll have to try again . I would love to meet him one day up close and personal . He really is a good watch dog . His owners are going out of town this week and his " Auntie " will be coming to take care of him . I also snapped a shot of the vine we had growing in our Azalea last year and thought we had gotten rid of . Evidently not since it is growing again and recently started climbing up the front of the house . It is actually pretty . I am not sure what Dwight plans to do about it . I guess we could start calling our place the " ivy " covered cottage . Just kidding - or am I ? I also snapped a picture of my 3 plus year old hosta which looks pretty good this year . We just let it die back every winter to nothing and then every spring so far , I try to pull the dead pine needles out of the pot and this is what it does . I love it myself . Bought it from a guy out on Cheek Road . I used to call on a lady on Fletcher 's Chapel and she is the one who told me how to keep it . She has tons of them in pots in the front of her house and all she does is move them under the pines beside her yard . I don 't even do that - especially since it is close to our little tree in front of the house . And I snapped a picture of the vines that climb a tree out back . I love the flower and have no idea what plant it is from . Hopefully you can see the pretty orange blooms on the vine . I might ask Debbie - I 'm sure she knows what it is . So I will close this late night post with a picture of Michael watching the sun set at the coast . I hope he is having a wonderful time . I am so looking forward to seeing them next month . Lori asked me about hotels and were they in good neighborhoods . I know the one they have stayed in the last few years is in a pretty decent neighborhood . I don 't really know about any other ones . I totally enjoyed my visit from the CO , Lucy , another brother and his son who was so cute . We had a lively conversations that was so encouraging . I told him I was hoping to get to the pioneer meeting this afternoon . I fell asleep and had no time to make it so I text messaged Lucy to tell him how sorry I was . He said a lovely prayer before he left and thanked Dwight for taking such good care of me . Marlan called and is hoping to come over for a bit tomorrow . I also got to see Patsy today - she has been one busy little bee lately . They will be going back down to the beach cottage Friday for several more weeks . They still have some painting to do . I do believe I 'm going to have to move my next pain medication up about 30 minutes . It is getting very painful and I think it is because I did some of my therapy / stretching . Oh man . . . . Happy Hump Day everyone . . . . Wanted to share the last picture Paul sent me of their son watching the sun set over the ocean . A sight I have seen many times and yet I never tire of it . Beautiful shot isn 't it ? This one reminds me a little of the one Marlan took and gave me not too long ago . As a rule , summer is a difficult season for me unless I 'm at the coast or sitting in an air conditioned home / car . Even then , if there is no ocean breeze , I 'm not happy . Today is a perfect summer day . I walked on the deck awhile ago and there is a delicious breeze . The sun is bright in our Carolina Blue sky with big puffy white clouds . I 've been a busy person most of the day - catching up on emails , doing Dwight 's invoices , had visitors from two separate car groups , email and phone call from neighbor , ordered a padded zero gravity chair ( $ $ $ ) , had a phone conversation with Wally about their convention and how we could work things out for me to be there some of the time , looked up some information on the computer for Carolyn G . , watching nervously as she walked across my uber busy road to catch the bus using her walker , called the company Dwight is going to return the suction pump I was using to ( woo hoo - so glad I don 't have to use that anymore ) and made a decision with one of my pioneer sisters about how to handle this week 's meetings with the CO . Whew . I am hoping Debbie will have time to take up a few of my dresses she pinned up when she and Ruby cleaned my house yesterday . I gave her a few blouses I had bought new and only wore about twice . She had one of them on today and it looked great with her coloring . The good thing is the three little dresses I purchased last summer don 't look too bad . She has to take them up under the arm but they are made to fall from the shoulder loosely . A dear sister in our KH had a beautiful baby girl this week . When I look at this picture on the left I think - man she is going to be as tall as her Mom , Dad and older sister . Then I look at this picture on the right and she looks so little . Hello little Isabella Rose . Three people that I now know with the middle name Rose - my sister , Briana 's little girl and now Izzy . She joins her older sister in making a beautiful family of four . Paul and his lovely family are spending the week on the Outer Banks . This will be their son 's first tPosted by Or as we call it here in the South - Family Reunion Time ! I knew we would not have the huge turnout we had last year but it was still nice to see everyone who was there . We had to get new instructions because of a big detour . The bridge we went over to reach the cabin is out so I sent everyone whose email address I had the new directions . I didn 't know whether or not I would be able to go for sure until around Thursday . We finally got my pain down somewhat and that added to Katrina bringing her zero gravity chair over for me to use made me know I could go for a short period of time . Only three of Mom 's siblings weren 't represented by at least one or two family members so that was good . Alice came over early to ride with us and took this picture of me so Kelly could see the outfit she bought me . See the little blurry spot in the middle of the picture ? Yeah - that 's what all of them look like . I really hope Monica 's camera got some good shots because every one of mine were horrible . Evidently there was a smear on the lens and it didn 't show up until I downloaded them to the computer . Since it wasn 't very crowded , the inside of the building stayed pretty cool . Monica brought a bowl with what was left of butter beans and corn over to the table so she could drink the juice and get every little bit out and I laughed and told her my cousin Edith made them . I knew they would taste just like Mama 's since she learned from her Mama - Aunt Vallie . She and her husband represented Aunt Vallie 's family . We are the first cousins who were there . I 'm not sure how Alan didn 't get in this picture . He must have been outside . He and his lovely wife Kay represented Aunt Margie who was two years older than Mama . He looks so much like his beautiful Mom - I wish you could see his gorgeous blue eyes which are the one thing he didn 't get from her . All of Mama 's siblings are brown eyed just like all of us girls . Aunt Margie and her three boys are part of my earliest memories . We used to go visit them quite often . When Aunt Margie started datPosted by Eileen has been at the coast for a long time . She is supposed to be home this weekend because her daughter is coming down for the weekend . I think she will be going back down sometime next week so I hope I will get to see her . I think they have finished all but a little in putting a pretty new " face " on their perfect little cottage . I LOVE the colors they picked . It looks so fresh and new . She does have such good taste . I haven 't been outside to walk in two days . BigD said it is just too hot . I want this post to be positive to make up for all the negative chit chat of the previous ones . I definitely need a new attitude I had some visitors today and that is always nice . Monee and Eddie came over for a nice chat . They both look great as always . Dawn and her hubby were going to mow the grass for her Dad who lives down the street . They couldn 't get his lawn mower started and wanted to borrow my jumper cables . We had a nice visit and could have talked for hours but her hubby was getting just a little impatient . : - ) She looks great . Page called and talked to Daddy for awhile and then chatted with me . I told her about Dawn and how good she looks . Oh - on another positive for Judee 's sake - BigD returned the library books today that she brought me ! ! ! Woo Hoo ! Thank you Judee . OK - BigD just walked in , took one look at me and said - let 's do the meds a few minutes early . Okay . . . works for me ! ! ! ! Back to a positive note . Katarina brought their zero gravity chair over for me to use tomorrow . I hope it works and if it does , I 'm definitely getting one . She said she is enjoying her pioneering this month . : - ) Gail and hubby are at the convention in Winston - Salem this weekend . I know they are enjoying it . He works so hard at our conventions and usually goes to an earlier one somewhere else . I talked with Roseanne about whether we were going to try and go to the one with our kids and she said she is but can 't go until Friday night because she has to work and has to come back on Sunday night for the same reason . That means we would miss Friday 's program which is okay because we can get it at ours the next month but I 'm not sure how it would work out for me coming home on Sunday night after being at the program all day . No matter how I look at it , I 'm thinking my going will create a hardship for everyone else so maybe the selfless thing for me to do would be to suck up and just get to my own in August . Color me very , very sad ( or BLUE ) . I also havenPosted by How sad is it that I 'm just sitting here waiting until I can take more pain medication ? I can 't help but wonder if coming off the patch has made it harder to control with just the oxy . Or could it really just be what went on yesterday with all the stretching and exercises . Either way - it sucks . I want to be asleep and stay asleep for longer than an hour . So I 'm going to sit here and do some deep breathing while I type and try to wind down so when the meds start working , I 'll go to sleep . My confession is - my memory is still not great . I have to go back and try to figure stuff our from previous posts sometimes . The good thing is once I read it , I usually do remember it - or at least most of it . I guess I am experiencing in a limited way what my beautiful sister - in - law has been experiencing for a few years now . For example , last Friday I wrote about Dwight going fishing and my dear friend Geral staying with me . It turns out , Geral stayed both Monday and Tuesday night . We had so much fun getting caught up . On Tuesday , I uploaded all her pictures from her big trip to India and made a little collage of a few of them . This was actually a dream she got to fulfill - seeing the Taj Mahal . The bottom left picture in the collage is showing how it was so hot , the heel of her tennis shoe melted off . The little pink thing above it is a public bathroom . Uh - yeah - she said it was about as much fun as it looked . I love the picture taken from a window and the one showing the reflection in her sun glasses . There were so many more but there isn 't enough room . Dwight came home on Tuesday and she stayed over that night also . They had fun getting caught up and eating dinner together . I hated to see her go but she told Dwight to go fishing anytime he wants to and she will come stay with me . I sent her home with tons of clothes for her yard sale and any that Sheila might want . I also sent Sheila my bathing suit that looks like a dress over it . Sheila said she really likes it . Dwight told me he is very pleased with where GG is . I made He sent me the top right picture when he got ready to cross the bridge and the one of GG in a white shirt was from when they had lunch together . We have been taking long ways home from appointments to try and build up the length of time I can ride in a car so I can go with him down to see her sooner than later . The other pictures are ones taken by her son on his cell phone the first week she was there . It is a very nice place and she seems to be adjusting . She is quite healthy but was diagnosed with Alzheimer 's several years ago . As much as everyone hated it had come to this - everyone can breathe easier knowing she is safe . Dwight said she walked him to death . She has been walking regularly for years and doesn 't know what pace yourself means . Okay - time for my medication so I will sign off and stop rambling on and on . Dwight has been snoring for several hours now . Yesterday was a busy day - had my first appointment with Jennifer in the morning . We had to wait over an hour because they were so busy . The really good thing about her is you are never made to feel like she is rushing you out just because she is already running behind . If anything , I was rushing her because I felt so bad . I had taken the paper to her with the obituary of a patient of theirs . It turned out , I recognized him from my freshman and sophomore year of high school . He died from cancer and the obituary mentioned both she and my oncologist with gratitude for everything they did for him . When I gave it to her , she teared up pretty bad but was very grateful to me for sharing it with her . As I recall , he was always a nice guy . His brother was a wonderful athlete and even handsomer than he was . She was happy to hear that I am now off my blood pressure medicine and had cut back on another one . She told me I wouldn 't start feeling better from being off the Fentanly patch for about 10 more days . Evidently it builds up in your system . I can 't wait to see if it the change is significant . Now I 'm cutting another pill in half and will be working on getting off that one over the next few weeks . I had a few episodes and we were both exhausted when we got home . We both fell asleep and thank goodness Dwight 's phone rang and woke us up in time to make it to my afternoon therapy appointment . Wow - it was a pretty intense session . They had me doing stretches that are all but impossible . We were there for almost two hours . Today I have really been paying for it . I can hardly make it four hours between my pain medication . It was so bad earlier that I got a little emotional at one point . I was down so I called Kelly to chat with her and then got kinda weepy after I hung up because I had let her know I felt bad . I try not to do that too much . I told Dwight that I had a little private pity party and then made myself snap out of it . About that time Sandy called to say they were on their way over after picking up their lunch . We Posted by I am so happy I got to the meeting today . I studied my WT yesterday and had everything set up so I could get there . I took a picture of the outfit I wore today . Thank you Patsy - everything fit very well . My plan was to stay for the whole meeting . Sadly , I learned the hard way that will not be possible unless I purchase the zero gravity chair . After sitting upright for about an hour , I am in bad shape . Kim came over to speak to me when I first got there . I was glad because I wanted to ask her if she would cut my toenails and polish them like she did for Geri . She said she would be happy to do it after the meeting . Color me happy . Then she and Drea came over and sat with me . She noticed right away when I started having a little distress . I went to the bathroom thinking I would just go ahead and get through an episode and that would be it . Nope - didn 't work . I finally gave up and she offered to bring me home . I think I waited too long because I really had to lean back as soon as I could . I wish I had gotten a picture of her dress and shoes - so pretty . She came over after the meeting and brought all her " stuff " to give me a " real " pedicure . While she was here , Drea came over to visit while she finished up . I told Drea today about knowing her Dad and his first wife many years ago . I also told her how sweet her Dad had always been and she agreed . She got his height and her sister is very short like their Mom . Drea said she was glad she got her Dad 's height . One funny thing - Dwight had to pull my tank top over my head to get it off . Reminded me of the day Kelly and I were trying clothes on in the living room and she had to pull my top over my head every time I tried one on . It was another beautiful day with some coolness in the air in spite of the hot sun . Hope it will stay like this awhile longer . Dread the really hot weather we usually get . Page called me from her new cell phone . I sent her a text message and she was happy to learn how to do that too . She is growing up too fast . Lori called again - they are definitPosted by I ' I have lost more time . For some reason I thought today was Saturday . It could be a lot worse . I got an email from Faye asking me about directions to the family reunion this year . I responded with a copy to my cousin Evelyn telling her that she will have to give us all the address since my GPS was stolen when my car was broken into . It will be so hard not having Dwayne with us . He and his siblings were always making sure everything was set up and going right . Last year we had it in a new place and because of their hard work , it went very well . We talked one time about how our Mom 's would be disappointed in us if we didn 't continue this tradition with our families . I can 't remember my Mom missing any of the family reunions she went to . I love the picture of Dwayne and his beloved Joy . The one in the yellow shirt shows the brown eyes most of us got from our Perkinson side . He got his height from his beautiful , sweet Mom . The one with me in the middle shows Evelyn beside me . I 'm really looking forward to seeing Aunt Eunice and her family . When Dwayne and I found out we both had been diagnosed with cancer , it was a shock . Sadly , cancer is a word that is all too familiar to dear Evelyn . It was such a shock with Dwayne - he has always been a healthy person and when his rib broke when he bent over on the lawnmower to pick up a stick , it led to the diagnoses . He was in Stage 4 and didn 't respond well to treatments . After I found out about him , I called and we spoke briefly . I look back and try to remember more about it . I was in such a bad place myself at the time , I doubt I will ever recall everything . When I let myself think about it , I have to move my mind away pretty quick . I am looking into getting one of the zero gravity chairs I 've heard about . I think it would come in handy at the meetings and would allow me somewhere to sleep if we went out of town . I 've looked on - line and found I can get one much cheaper than I first thought . I do want a good one though . If it works like I hope , I will be able to sit comfortaPosted by Interesting day I guess . I did learn a valuable lesson today - don 't schedule any afternoon appointments on Thursdays . Especially if you have morning ones also . We started this morning with my Acupuncture . My pain has been pretty significant again lately . When I described it - she became very proactive and took a long time to work on the scar tissue behind my scar . Dwight came in to get a few pictures when she finished . That is hard for him because he really hates needles of all kinds . I need to schedule an appointment for next week and then she will be going on vacation . We talked about my doing one more therapy session with the physical therapists and then just continue doing it myself . I noticed today that the fluid seems to be trapped right under my ear . It was very painful this afternoon . We came home for an hour and then went to my second appointment with my Lymphoma Oncologist . My numbers still looked good . Even better - my blood pressure was great ! I let them know I would be getting a Cat Scan on the 29th . I am grateful that nothing has changed significantly in this area . By the time we got home , my pain was at an all time high so Dwight rushed to the drug store to get me some liquid Tylenol . Thank goodness I can take that between my Oxy . I went to sleep and slept through the first part of the meeting . That was disappointing since I was all prepared to go tonight . Dwight felt like I needed the sleep more . I wore one of my new outfits Kelly ordered for me from JJill today . Thankfully , I have no appointments for tomorrow . Kelly called and we had a nice long chat about something going on at work . She wanted my advice on a Human Resource subject . We brainstormed a bit and she worked through how she was going to handle things . Such a smart young woman . I told her that her Dad talked to Matt about building a ladder to use when we are down at the coast in August . We can put the ladder in the water when we want to swim , take it out and store it under the sink on the dock when we don 't need it and put it in the shed when we leave . Maybe they will do it while they are down this weekend . Debbie and Ruby cleaned my house yesterday . So nice of them . They even visited for a little bit before they had to go home and get ready for a study . Dwight bought some fresh corn today and had a feast for dinner . He had left - over grilled pork chops and potato soup from last night with the corPosted by I 've heard this phrase most of my life and decided to see where it came from . After typing come see , come saw in a google search I found - " Comme ci , comme ca " ( pronounced " kohm see , kohm sah " ) is a French phrase meaning , literally , " like this , like that . " That which is " comme si , comme sa " is barely adequate , better than nothing but not by much . To use the phrase properly one would extend their palm just above their waist and tilt it from side to side while saying " comme si , comme sa . " At least I 've always used it properly . I 'm sad to say that is basically how I 've been feeling since Friday night . Kelly went to Target last week and picked up a few tops and slacks for me to try on and see what my size is now . Then a package came right before she went home and it was some clothes she had ordered for me from J Jill . She returned the ones that were too big and washed the ones she liked on me and hung them up to dry before she left . She had ordered two dresses in tall and I had to explain why they were too long . I 'm no longer tall ! Then she went into my closet and got started pulling things out that no longer fit and putting them into a big bag for later . At one point , we were standing in the living room in our underpants and bras trying things on . Yeah - the biggest mirror in the house is in the living room . Dwight came home just in time to catch us in the middle of getting dressed again . That turned out to be my work - out that day . I could get tops over my head but had to have help getting them back off . I had to laugh as I thought about how many times I 've pulled clothes over my children 's heads . I was feeling so positive since Kelly had gotten me walking again but sadly , had another setback . At one point , I was afraid I had a virus of some kind and maybe I did . After thinking about it though I believe I may have caused it . After having my blood pressure checked throughout the week , I sent the results to my doctor who was pleased also . He wanted me to have it checked several more times but thinkKelly was so relaxed when she went home and one reason is she had already taken Friday off . Her visit with us was pretty relaxing for her . She took an art class after she got home and sent me a picture of the results . I love it . I also love how relaxed her voice is these days . Yesterday was busy - I had Acupuncture at 11 : 00am , we stopped at Costco ( I stayed in the car ) to pick up Kleenex ( I go through tons of those ) , papers towels and Ensure . Then Dwight drove me out to see Marlan for a few minutes . I also got to see her daughter Briana and beautiful granddaughters . I 'm sitting in her rocking chair that I laid claim to many years ago when we first became friends . Briana keeps saying it is hers but I know it will be mine . Just kidding . Marlan and I both love comfortable rocking chairs . I have a picture of me in it holding her youngest son when he was a baby . She sat in the other rocking chair beside me and I started laughing as I thought about how we must look sitting there holding hands and rocking away . Dwight snapped a picture with his phone . I look forward to that time we will both be healthy again , sitting on a porch somewhere - maybe at Doug 's house in the mountain or at the coast somewhere rocking and talking with a nice glass of KJ . I hope Kelly recognizes the top and pants she bought me . After we left Marlan 's , we stopped by Judy 's for her to check my BP . It was still good ! She was outside with her youngest daughter 's babies - they were swimming in a little pool . I see pictures of them all the time on FB but hardly get to see them up close and personal . Judy explained that Charli didn 't have a bathing suit at her house so she was swimming in shorts . I instantly had a flashback memory I shared with Judy . My mother used to make me bloomer shorts out of chicken feed sack material . She also made me a dress one time . They put the feed in very nice fabric so women could use it to make their children clothes . In the summer time , I lived in little bloomer shorts and that 's all . Our house was up the hill beside a Posted by We are currently in the middle of a heatwave , which I do not enjoy , but that some of my garden buddies do love . You name them : cherry tomatoes ! I sowe . . . I 'm teaching a landscape workshop this weekend at the Franklin Arts Center . I hear the weather is projected to be 95 . The building doesn 't have air condi . . . When asked why a lavender farm ? Why this crop ? Gosh , back in 2000 , when we moved to this lovely spot in North Carolina , there was no plan to begin a farm , . . . For several years now we have said we wanted to visit the Zoo on Thanksgiving . Less people and not as hot . This year we really wanted to take advantage of . . . Hi peeps ! It 's been forever cuz I 've been BUSY and also , not really doing anything interesting enough to write about . Well , except for that I did get a j . . . Today i got out of school REALLY early . I usually get out at 2 : 15 but I got out at 9 : 45 . The good thing is I have the rest of the wekend to myself in my . . . Hopefully I will have some time to do a nice blog of our trip . We did a lot today . From 8am till 11 : 30pm . . . . . But a great day ! |
Carla knew her parents were about to have a row . The second she walked into the kitchen she felt the hostility , like the bone - deep cold of the wind that blew through the streets of Berlin before a February snowstorm . She almost turned and walked back out again . It was unusual for them to fight . Mostly they were affectionate - - too much so . Carla cringed when they kissed in front of other people . Her friends thought it was strange : their parents did not do that . She had said that to her mother , once . Mother had laughed in a pleased way and said : " The day after our wedding , your father and I were separated by the Great War . " She had been born English , though you could hardly tell . " I stayed in London while he came home to Germany and joined the army . " Carla had heard this story many times , but Mother never tired of telling it . " We thought the war would last three months , but I didn 't see him again for five years . All that time I longed to touch him . Now I never tire of it . " Father was just as bad . " Your mother is the cleverest woman I ever met , " he had said here in the kitchen just a few days ago . " That 's why I married her . It had nothing to do with . . . " He had trailed off , and Mother and he had giggled conspiratorially , as if Carla at the age of eleven knew nothing about sex . It was so embarrassing . They were sitting at opposite ends of the kitchen table . Father was somberly dressed in a dark gray suit , starched white shirt , and black satin tie . He looked dapper , as always , even though his hair was receding and his waistcoat bulged a little beneath the gold watch chain . His face was frozen in an expression of false calm . Carla knew that look . He wore it when one of the family had done something that angered him . He held in his hand a copy of the weekly magazine for which Mother worked , The Democrat . She wrote a column of political and diplomatic gossip under the name of Lady Maud . Father began to read aloud . " ' ' Our new chancellor , Herr Adolf Hitler , made his debut in diplomatic society at President Hindenburg 's reception . ' " The president was the head of state , Carla knew . He was elected , but he stood above the squabbles of day - to - day politics , acting as referee . The chancellor was the premier . Although Hitler had been made chancellor , his Nazi Party did not have an overall majority in the Reichstag - - the German parliament - - so , for the present , the other parties could restrain Nazi excesses . The maid , Ada , was standing at the counter in an apron , slicing cheese . She put a plate in front of Father , but he ignored it . " ' Herr Hitler was evidently charmed by Elisabeth Cerruti , the cultured wife of the Italian ambassador , in a rose - pink velvet gown trimmed with sable . ' Mother always wrote about what people were wearing . She said it helped the reader picture them . She herself had fine clothes , but times were hard and she had not bought anything new for years . This morning she looked slim and elegant in a navy blue cashmere dress that was probably as old as Carla . " ' Signora Cerruti , who is Jewish , is a passionate Fascist , and they talked for many minutes . Did she beg Hitler to stop whipping up hatred of Jews ? ' " Father put the magazine down on the table with a slap . Mother 's eyes flashed anger . " Don 't you dare condescend to me , Walter . I know they 're dangerous - - that 's why I oppose them . " This is typical , Carla thought . Father was logical , cautious , law - abiding . Mother had style and humor . He got his way by quiet persistence , she with charm and cheek . They would never agree . This kind of talk made Carla feel queasy . She could not bear to hear that the family was in danger . Life must go on as it always had . She wished she could sit in this kitchen for an eternity of mornings , with her parents at opposite ends of the pine table , Ada at the counter , and her brother , Erik , thumping around upstairs , late again . Why should anything change ? She had listened to political talk every breakfast - time of her life and she thought she understood what her parents did , and how they planned to make Germany a better place for everyone . But lately they had begun to talk in a different way . They seemed to think that a terrible danger loomed , but Carla could not quite imagine what it was . " And so am I . But , when you do it , you believe you 're following a sensible course . " Mother 's face hardened in resentment . " And when I do it I 'm accused of putting the family at risk . " " And with good reason , " said Father . The row was only just getting started , but at that moment Erik came down , clattering like a horse on the stairs , and lurched into the kitchen with his school satchel swinging from his shoulder . He was thirteen , two years older than Carla , and there were unsightly black hairs sprouting from his upper lip . When they were small , Carla and Erik had played together all the time ; but those days were over , and since he had grown so tall he had pretended to think she was stupid and childish . In fact she was smarter than he , and knew about a lot of things he did not understand , such as women 's monthly cycles . The piano often woke them in the morning . It was a Steinway grand - - inherited , like the house itself , from Father 's parents . Mother played in the morning because , she said , she was too busy the rest of the day and too tired in the evening . This morning she had performed a Mozart sonata , then a jazz tune . " It 's called ' Tiger Rag , ' " she told Erik . " Do you want some cheese ? " " Hermann should try to play it . " Father looked at Mother , and his face softened . She smiled at him . He went on : " Your mother tried to teach me ragtime , many years ago , but I couldn 't master the rhythm . " Mother put in : " Don 't call your father ridiculous , you foolish boy . " Her tone was mild : she had used up her anger on Father . Now she just sounded wearily disappointed . " You don 't know what you 're talking about , and neither does Hermann Braun . " " Your Nazi friends don 't know any history , " Father said . " The Ancient Egyptians built the pyramids when Germans were living in caves . Arabs ruled the world in the Middle Ages - - the Muslims were doing algebra when German princes could not write their own names . It 's nothing to do with race . " Father looked at her fondly . " That 's a very good question , and you 're a bright girl to ask it . " She glowed with pleasure at his praise . " Civilizations rise and fall - - the Chinese , the Aztecs , the Romans - - but no one really knows why . " Frieda Franck was Carla 's best friend . Their mothers were best friends , too . In fact , when they were young , Frieda 's mother , Monika , had been in love with Father - - a hilarious fact that Frieda 's grandmother had revealed one day after drinking too much Sekt . Carla expected Father to ask what was wrong with Ada , but he nodded as if he already knew , and put his watch away . Carla wanted to ask , but something told her she should not . She made a mental note to ask Mother later . Then she immediately forgot about it . Carla and her mother helped Ada clear the table . Carla loved Ada almost as much as she loved her mother . When Carla was little , Ada had taken care of her full - time , until she was old enough to go to school , for Mother had always worked . Ada was not married yet . She was twenty - nine and homely - looking , though she had a lovely kind smile . Last summer she had had a romance with a policeman , Paul Huber , but it had not lasted . Carla and her mother stood in front of the mirror in the hall and put on their hats . Mother took her time . She chose a dark blue felt , with a round crown and a narrow brim , the type all the women were wearing , but she tilted hers at a different angle , making it look chic . As Carla put on her knitted wool cap , she wondered whether she would ever have Mother 's sense of style . Mother looked like a goddess of war , her long neck and chin and cheekbones carved out of white marble ; beautiful , yes , but definitely not pretty . Carla had the same dark hair and green eyes , but looked more like a plump doll than a statue . Carla had once accidentally overheard her grandmother say to Mother : " Your ugly duckling will grow into a swan , you 'll see . " Carla was still waiting for it to happen . Carla was hoping to see Frieda 's brother Werner , who was fourteen . She liked him . Sometimes Carla and Frieda imagined they each married the other 's brother , and were next - door neighbors , and their children were best friends . It was just a game to Frieda , but Carla was secretly serious . Werner was handsome and grown - up and not a bit silly like Erik . In the dollhouse in Carla 's bedroom , the mother and father sleeping side by side in the miniature double bed were called Carla and Werner , but no one knew that , not even Frieda . After a ten - minute walk they arrived at a grand villa in a big garden . The Francks were rich : Frieda 's father , Ludwig , owned a factory making radio sets . Two cars stood in the driveway . The large shiny black one belonged to Herr Franck . The engine rumbled , and a cloud of blue vapor rose from the tailpipe . The chauffeur , Ritter , with uniform trousers tucked into high boots , stood cap in hand ready to open the door . He bowed and said : " Good morning , Frau von Ulrich . " The second car was a little green two - seater . A short man with a gray beard came out of the house carrying a leather case , and touched his hat to Mother as he got into the small car . " I wonder what Dr . Rothmann is doing here so early in the morning , " Mother said anxiously . They soon found out . Frieda 's mother , Monika , came to the door , a tall woman with a mass of red hair . Anxiety showed on her pale face . Instead of welcoming them in , she stood squarely in the doorway as if to bar their entrance . " Frieda has measles ! " she said . Carla was disappointed , but Mother was quite shaken . " This week 's magazine is our election issue - - I can 't be absent . " She looked distraught . All the grown - ups were apprehensive about the general election to be held next Sunday . Mother and Father both feared the Nazis might do well enough to take full control of the government . " Plus my oldest friend is visiting from London . I wonder whether Walter could be persuaded to take a day off to look after Carla ? " Not many people had phones in their homes , but the Francks did , and Carla and her mother stepped into the hall . The instrument stood on a spindly - legged table near the door . Mother picked it up and gave the number of Father 's office at the Reichstag , the parliament building . She got through to him and explained the situation . She listened for a minute , then looked angry . " My magazine will urge a hundred thousand readers to campaign for the Social Democratic Party , " she said . " Do you really have something more important than that to do today ? " Carla could guess how this argument would end . Father loved her dearly , she knew , but in all her eleven years he had never looked after her for a whole day . All her friends ' fathers were the same . Men did not do that sort of thing . But Mother sometimes pretended not to know the rules women lived by . " I 'll just have to take her to the office with me , then , " Mother said into the phone . " I dread to think what Jochmann will say . " Herr Jochmann was her boss . " He 's not much of a feminist at the best of times . " She replaced the handset without saying good - bye . Carla hated it when they fought , and this was the second time in a day . It made the whole world seem unstable . She was much more scared of quarrels than of the Nazis . He went to the foot of the stairs . " Werner ! " he shouted . " I 'm going without you ! " He put on a gray felt hat and went out . " I 'm ready , I 'm ready ! " Werner ran down the stairs like a dancer . He was as tall as his father and more handsome , with red - blond hair worn too long . Under his arm he had a leather satchel that appeared to be full of books ; in the other hand he held a pair of ice skates and a hockey stick . He paused in his rush to say : " Good morning , Frau von Ulrich , " very politely . Then in a more informal tone : " Hello , Carla . My sister 's got the measles . " Carla felt herself blush , for no reason at all . " I know , " she said . She tried to think of something charming and amusing to say , but came up with nothing . " I 've never had it , so I can 't see her . " Carla did not want to lose sight of him so quickly . She followed him outside . Ritter was holding the rear door open . " What kind of car is that ? " Carla said . Boys always knew the makes of cars . Mother hesitated for only a moment . She did not like Herr Franck 's politics - - he gave money to the Nazis - - but she was not going to refuse a lift in a warm car on a cold morning . " How very kind of you , Ludwig , " she said . They got in . There was room for four in the back . Ritter pulled away smoothly . " I assume you 're going to Koch Strasse ? " said Herr Franck . Many newspapers and book publishers had their offices in the same street in the Kreuzberg district . Carla was thrilled to be in a car with Werner , and she wanted to make the most of it by talking to him , but at first she could not think what to speak about . She really wanted to say : " When you 're older , do you think you might marry a girl with dark hair and green eyes , about three years younger than yourself , and clever ? " Eventually she pointed to his skates and said : " Do you have a match today ? " Ritter drove on , following the south bank of the Landwehr Canal . Carla looked at the barges , their loads of coal topped with snow like mountains . She felt a sense of disappointment . She had contrived to spend longer with Werner , by hinting that she wanted a lift , then she had wasted the time talking about ice hockey . " Do you think journalists should write respectfully about politicians ? " Mother replied cheerfully . " That 's radical . The Nazi press would have to be polite about my husband ! They wouldn 't like that . " " A wonderful idea , " he said . " But you socialists live in a dream world . We practical men know that Germany cannot live on ideas . People must have bread and shoes and coal . " " I quite agree , " Mother said . " I could use more coal myself . But I want Carla and Erik to grow up as citizens of a free country . " " You overrate freedom . It doesn 't make people happy . They prefer leadership . I want Werner and Frieda and poor Axel to grow up in a country that is proud , and disciplined , and united . " " On the contrary . You and I are leaders , Ludwig , in our different ways . It 's our responsibility to make politics less rough - - more honest , more rational , less violent . If we do not do that , we fail in our patriotic duty . " Carla did not know much about men , but she realized they did not like to be lectured on their duty by women . Mother must have forgotten to press her charm switch this morning . But everyone was tense . The coming election had them all on edge . The office was several minutes ' walk away , but Mother clearly had not wanted to stay any longer in the car . Carla hoped Mother was not going to quarrel permanently with Herr Franck . That might make it difficult for her to see Frieda and Werner . She would hate that . They set off at a brisk pace . " Try not to make a nuisance of yourself at the office , " Mother said . The note of genuine pleading in her voice touched Carla , making her feel ashamed of causing her mother worry . She resolved to behave perfectly . Near the building in which The Democrat had its office , they saw someone they knew : Sergeant Schwab . He had fought with Father in the Great War , and still wore his hair brutally short in the military style . After the war he had worked as a gardener , first for Carla 's grandfather and later for her father , but he had stolen money from Mother 's purse and Father had sacked him . Now he was wearing the ugly military uniform of the storm troopers , the Brownshirts , who were not soldiers but Nazis who had been given the authority of auxiliary policemen . The magazine had the first floor of a modern office building . Carla knew a child would not be welcome , and she hoped they could reach Mother 's office without being seen . But they met Herr Jochmann on the stairs . He was a heavy man with thick spectacles . " What 's this ? " he said brusquely , speaking around the cigarette in his mouth . " Are we running a kindergarten now ? " Mother did not react to his rudeness . " I was thinking over your comment the other day , " she said . " About how young people imagine journalism is a glamorous profession , and don 't understand how much hard work is necessary . " " So I brought my daughter here to see the reality . I think it will be good for her education , especially if she becomes a writer . She will make a report on the visit to her class . I felt sure you would approve . " Mother was making this up as she went along , but it sounded convincing , Carla thought . She almost believed it herself . The charm switch had been turned to the On position at last . " Carla will get them for you . " Mother turned to her . " There is a tobacconist three doors down . Herr Jochmann likes the Roth - Händle brand . " Mother said to her : " When you come back , you 'll find me at the top of the stairs , next to the fire alarm . " She turned away and took Jochmann 's arm confidentially . " I thought last week 's issue was possibly our best ever , " she said as they went up . Carla ran out into the street . Mother had got away with it , using her characteristic mixture of boldness and flirting . She sometimes said : " We women have to deploy every weapon we have . " Thinking about it , Carla realized she had used Mother 's tactics to get a lift from Herr Franck . Perhaps she was like her mother after all . That might be why Mother had given her that curious little smile : she was seeing herself thirty years ago . There was a queue in the shop . Half the journalists in Berlin seemed to be buying their supplies for the day . At last Carla got a pack of Roth - Händles and returned to the Democrat building . She found the fire alarm easily - - it was a big lever fixed to the wall - - but Mother was not in her office . No doubt she had gone to that editorial meeting . Carla walked along the corridor . All the doors were open , and most of the rooms were empty but for a few women who might have been typists and secretaries . At the back of the building , around a corner , was a closed door marked conference room . Carla could hear male voices raised in argument . She tapped on the door , but there was no response . She hesitated , then turned the handle and went in . The room was full of tobacco smoke . Eight or ten people sat around a long table . Mother was the only woman . They fell silent , apparently surprised , when Carla went up to the head of the table and handed Jochmann the cigarettes and change . Their silence made her think she had done wrong to come in . She left the room quickly and returned to Mother 's office . She did not take off her coat - - the place was cold . She looked around . On the desk were a phone , a typewriter , and stacks of paper and carbon paper . Next to the phone was a photograph in a frame , showing Carla and Erik with Father . It had been taken a couple of years ago on a sunny day at the beach by the Wannsee lake , fifteen miles from the center of Berlin . Father was wearing shorts . They were all laughing . That was before Erik started to pretend to be a tough serious man . The only other picture , hanging on the wall , showed Mother with the Social Democratic hero Friedrich Ebert , who had been the first president of Germany after the war . It had been taken about ten years ago . Carla smiled at Mother 's shapeless , low - waisted dress and boyish haircut ; they must have been fashionable at the time . Carla reset the desk calendar to today 's date , Monday , February 27 , 1933 . Then she put a sheet of paper into the typewriter . She typed her full name , Heike Carla von Ulrich . At the age of five she had announced that she did not like the name Heike and she wanted everyone to use her second name , and somewhat to her surprise her family had complied . Each key of the typewriter caused a metal rod to rise up and strike the paper through an inky ribbon , printing a letter . When by accident she pressed two keys , the rods got stuck . She tried to prize them apart but she could not . Pressing another key did not help : now there were three jammed rods . She groaned : she was in trouble already . A noise from the street distracted her . She went to the window . A dozen Brownshirts were marching along the middle of the road , shouting slogans : " Death to all Jews ! Jews , go to hell ! " Carla could not understand why they got so angry about Jews , who seemed the same as everyone else apart from their religion . She was startled to see Sergeant Schwab at the head of the troop . She had felt sorry for him when he was sacked , for she knew he would find it hard to get another job . There were millions of men looking for jobs in Germany ; Father said it was a depression . But Mother had said : " How can we have a man in our house who steals ? " Their chant changed . " Smash Jew papers ! " they said in unison . One of them threw something , and a rotten vegetable splashed on the door of a national newspaper . Then , to Carla 's horror , they turned toward the building she was in . She drew back and peeped around the edge of the window frame , hoping they could not see her . They stopped outside , still chanting . One threw a stone . It hit Carla 's window without breaking it , but all the same she gave a little scream of fear . A moment later one of the typists came in , a young woman in a red beret . " What 's the matter ? " she said , then she looked out of the window . " Oh , hell . " Sergeant Schwab came into Mother 's office . He hesitated , seeing the two females , then seemed to screw up his nerve . He picked up the typewriter and threw it through the window , shattering the glass . Carla and the typist both screamed . She thought of hiding under the desk , but hesitated . She did not want to show them how scared she was . Something inside her wanted to defy them . She stepped to the doorway and looked along the corridor . The Brownshirts were going in and out of the offices but had not reached the far end . Carla did not know whether the people in the conference room could hear the commotion . She ran along the corridor as fast as she could , but a scream stopped her . She looked into a room and saw Schwab shaking the typist with the red beret , yelling : " Where 's the key ? " She was picked up from behind . " Are you a little Jew ? " said a man 's voice . " You look it , with all that dark hair . " The Brownshirt carried her back along the corridor and put her down in Mother 's office . She stumbled and fell to the floor . " Stay in here , " he said , and he went away . Carla got to her feet . She was not hurt . The corridor was full of Brownshirts now , and she could not get to her mother . But she had to summon help . She looked out of the smashed window . A small crowd was gathering on the street . Two policemen stood among the onlookers , chatting . Carla shouted at them : " Help ! Help , police ! " That infuriated her , and anger made her less frightened . She looked outside the office again . Her gaze lit on the fire alarm on the wall . She reached up and grasped the handle . Almost immediately the people from the conference room appeared at the far end of the corridor . Jochmann was first . " What the devil is going on ? " he said angrily , shouting over the noise of the alarm . No one tried to stop them running down the stairs . Ahead of them , a well - built young man who might have been one of the reporters had a Brownshirt in a head lock and was dragging him out of the building . Carla and her mother followed the pair out . Another Brownshirt came up behind them . The reporter approached the two policemen , still dragging the Brownshirt . " Arrest this man , " he said . " I found him robbing the office . You will find a stolen jar of coffee in his pocket . " They grabbed Schmidt by the arms . He seemed about to struggle , then changed his mind . " Every detail of this incident will appear in the next edition of The Democrat ! " he said . A fire engine arrived and half a dozen firemen jumped out . Their leader spoke brusquely to the police . " We need to clear the building , " he said . " That 's no concern of mine , " the fireman said . " The alarm has been sounded , and our first task is to get everyone out , storm troopers and all . We 'll manage without your help . " He led his men inside . Carla heard her mother say : " Oh , no ! " She turned and saw that Mother was staring at her typewriter , which lay on the pavement where it had fallen . The metal casing had dropped away , exposing the links between keys and rods . The keyboard was twisted out of shape , one end of the roller had become detached , and the bell that sounded for the end of a line lay forlornly on the ground . A typewriter was not a precious object , but Mother looked as if she might cry . The Brownshirts and the staff of the magazine came out of the building , herded by firemen . Sergeant Schwab was resisting , shouting angrily : " There 's no fire ! " The firemen just shoved him on . She took her mother 's hand . That seemed to jerk Mother out of her momentary fit of grief . She wiped her eyes with her sleeve , an unusual act that revealed how badly shaken she was : if Carla had done that she would have been told to use her handkerchief . " What do we do now ? " Mother never said that - - she always knew what to do next . Carla became aware of two people standing nearby . She looked up . One was a woman about the same age as Mother , very pretty , with an air of authority . Carla knew her , but could not place her . Beside her was a man young enough to be her son . He was slim , and not very tall , but he looked like a movie star . He had a handsome face that would have been almost too pretty except that his nose was flattened and misshapen . Both newcomers looked shocked , and the young man was white with anger . The woman spoke first , and she used the English language . " Hello , Maud , " she said , and the voice was distantly familiar to Carla . " Don 't you recognize me ? " she went on . " I 'm Eth Leckwith , and this is Lloyd . " |
I really fell led to be in prayer over the upcoming election . I can 't tell anyone how to vote , nor would I do that . What I can say is that we should all be praying about it . 2 Chronicles 7 : 14 says If my people , which are called by my name , shall humble themselves , and pray , and seek my face , and turn from their wicked ways ; then will I hear from heaven , and will forgive their sin , and will heal their land . Our land needs healing , but there is a whole lot that goes before that . We need to earnestly be seeking God 's direction on how we vote . Just as we measure ourselves by His Word , we need to measure those we vote for the same way . Instead of being caught up in the excitement of either camp , let 's be caught up in the excitement of seeking the Lord Jesus Christ and the direction he has for us . Humble ourselves before Him and seek His face . Trust Him to handle healing our land . Today was just that . We just sort of hung out and did a whole lot of nothing . We went to the pet store for puppy food and then stopped off at Target . Dean and I like to check the clearance . We picked up some folding lawn chairs for the back porch for those cooler evenings we are hoping to experience . We also bought Ake a football . He had never played with one at all . He loves football . We came home and he asked Dean all kids of questions about how to throw and how to catch . While I made dinner , they went to the front yard and tossed it around . Ake was so excited . He really had so much fun . I took photos . I will pos them on my 365 photo blog . Today is Nanny 's birthday . She was awake when I called today , and I got to wish her happy birthday . She said she felt bad . I told her I had been praying for her to feel better . She said to keep praying because she sure felt bad today . She really sounded like Nanny today . She didn 't fuss at me about moving to El Paso today . That was nice . I hate it when she fusses . It wasn 't like I had much of a choice about moving . This really could be her last birthday . It makes me sad , but I know she is tired and ready to go home . This looks like it is going to be a huge storm . The whole gulf coast could be impacted . I am viewing this from a totally different perspective this time . Well , I guess not totally different . My family is still in the path of bad weather . When you look at the projected path , almost everyone I love is in the path . Even my kids . Since JoyAnna is with mom , she is even closer to the coast than Eric . She is supposed to fly home next Saturday . Depending on weather and flooding , that could be a problem . I was so glad to the see Mayor of NO issue mandatory evacuations . It should have happened last time . I won 't get on my soap box about that one . For now , all we can do is pray . I am a little far for people to come to as they evacuate . My feet have been really hurting since we moved to El Paso . I suppose it is the concrete and tile instead of hardwood floors . I need to exercise . I really , really need to exercise . It is very hard to exercise when your feet hurt so bad . I was loving water aerobics - until the incident with Abe Lincoln . Now , I can 't go because that is when I have to take Ake to school . I have decided that I will drop him at school then head to the Y for some workout on my own . I can use the machines and get a good workout . It is not like I don 't know what to do . There is , of course , the matter of the feet . Today Dean and I went to Academy to look at some long sleeved shirts . Fall is on the way and he needs to send some to Alisia to have his logo stiched onto . They were having one of thos half off the clearance sales . You know I love a bargain . I had looked at the shoes one other time , but not found any I just loved . Today they had added some awesome looking aisics - my favorites - on the shelf . I was so excited . They were the really nice ones . At half price they were what I usually pay for shoes , so I felt like I got a good deal . Now , to get motivated and move . It was also a hard day emotionally for me . I was on the phone a lot of the day talking to mom about Nanny . It is so emotional when you think of someone you love dying . Throw into the mix a variety of different personalities and you get way too much friction . Mom babysits kids all day , so she can 't be at the hospital and has to get so much of her information 2nd or 3rd hand . She then passes it on to me . I suggested that Mom call in hospice . I mean seriously , if she is as close to dying as they seem to think , then Hospice is the perfect solution and needs to be called . I am hoping that having Hospice as a part of the situation will help them make decisions based on information and not emotion . I hope it helps ease the tension . I drove a car full of exchange students to New Mexico for a day of shopping and Mexican food . Neither was a big hit with them . We then decided to try the outlet mall . That was more along the lines of thier kind of afternoon . JoyAnna was in Longview and got to see all my kids . I got to talk to them on the phone . There I sat in the plaza of Old Mesilla crying because I miss them so badly . Oh well . Dean came to the mall and we enjoyed just walking and sitting in the food court and talking . We have had no time by ourselves in so long . It was nice . There was a windstorm last night , too . I loved listening to the wind in the trees . Those were the highlights of my day . Mom picked JoyAnna up and drove back to Lufkin . JoyAnna started having those bad pains again . Here I am 800 miles away and she feels awful . Very hard on a mom . I think it was probably because of having to say goodbye to Steven again . ' I was pretty much emotionally drained when I fell into bed . I had managed to go to sleep when JoyAnna called to tell me they had made it . Then I was wide awake , so I spent some time praying before I fell back to sleep . On Thursday afternoon I had to make a run to the store . I decided to go to one a tad further from home since I like their veggies . I also like the view when you walk out the door . It really has that wow factor . I was not having the best day . Mom had called and told me Nanny was in the hospital again . She said she was not doing well at all . Her blood pressure had really dropped and they were concerned that this time , it would be the end . By the time I went to the store , she was better . I have mentioned before how much I really like looking at the mountains here . I hope it is something I never get tired of . They are a constant reminder of Psalm 121I will lift up my eyes to the mountain ; From whence shall my help come ? My help comes from the Lord , Who made heaven and earth . He will not allow your foot to slip ; He who keeps you will not slumber . Behold , He who keeps IsraelWill neither slumber nor sleep . The Lord is your keeper ; The Lord is your shade on your right hand . The sun will not smite you by day , Nor the moon by night . The Lord will protect you from all evil ; He will keep your soul . The Lord will guard your going out and your coming inFrom this time forth and forever . When I walked out of the store and looked up , I saw the mountain . Once again it was a magnificant sight . The colors , and light , and shadow were awe inspiring . And then it hit me . Everytime I look at the mountain I see something different . It is ever changing in how I see it . butIt is always the same mountain . Then I thought about how God is a like that . He is always God . He never changes . How I see him , changes . Sometimes , I see Him as Father , Comforter , Providor , Creator , and it goes on and on . I am so thankful we serve a God who reveals himself to us in so many ways , yet is never changing - always our rock - our mountain . blessings ! I worked a lot again today . Finally finished the ad for the office . That was a relief . My computer keeps crashing . Several times today it different things and then either shut down or locked up . I must confess I am very frustrated with it . Here I am finally with a few jobs to do and the computer is acting as nutty as the dogs did yesterday . I decided tonight I would cook a good supper and hope Ake liked it . If not , he does have other things he can eat now . I made alfredo sauce , baked chicken and prepared some noodles . That was when he said he didn 't like macaroni . I am sure my Penne pasta was insulted to be called macaroni . I had gotten a late start since I knew Dean would be a little late today . At 6 : 15 when I called him , he said he would have to call back . About 6 : 30 he called back and said he had a meeting and I had been invited to go along . Now , it is not every day I make alfredo sauce and other things . Oh well . I put it all in Tupperware and stahsed it in the fridge . Since Ake wasn 't planning to eat it anyway , I put it away . We got out his stuff and I hurried to dress . I didn 't think my Tech t - shirt and tennis shoes would make the best impression . We did have a very nice dinner . I had a very thick , rich tortilla soup . Very good . It was nice to meet the lady who runs the company Dean does so much work with . Tomorrow we have supper already cooked : ) All day today it was a rather gray . Every now and then it would sprinkle rain . I am not sure what got them up early , but Razzle and Dazzle were up befor 7 . They were so hyper all day long and destructive . Dazzle begged all day to go out side to play in the rain . I have pics for my 365 days of pics of her being sad . I will try to get them up tomorrow - only one day late - really , really good for me . I worked on photoshop all day long . Ake had an afternoon activity for school , so I had the day alone - just me and two crazy dogs . After they went to UTEP , a group of them went to the mall . They ended up at academy . He called to tell me where to pick him up . I finally figured it out . We went to eat BBQ for dinner . He liked it . I have figured out if he says it is ok or " I can eat , " then he will eat it , but it is not necessarily tasty to him . If he says it is delicious , then I am on the right track . So now I ask " Ok or Delicious ? " That is how I judge what to prepare for him . I really miss my two today . Eric is in Shreveport with JoyAnna and Nana B . They are a long way from their mamma . I will see JoyAnna in about 10 days - Eric in about 2 months . My eyes and hands are tired from photoshopping . I am going to head to bed . Last night we took our student and two others to experience the great American pastime - Baseball . We went to the El Paso Diablos ' game . A sweet friend had given us 3 tickets so Ake could experience the game . We really had a lot of fun . I also realized exactly how odd a baseball game and all of the traditions and phrases surrounding it seem to someone who has never experienced it . The Diablos and the Fort Worth team provided a very exciting game . A player for FW hit a grand slam . Another player broke a bat and it landed near third base . Those were pretty exciting . We tried peanuts and cotton candy . Cotton Candy was too sweet . Peanuts were ok . The hotdogs went over well , but the crinkle cut french fries and ketchup were a big hit . Then came the money machine - you know where the air blows money around and someone has to catch it ? That was exciting . Then there was the seventh inning stretch . How do you explain that one ? Thankfully , there was a baseball with arms and legs on the screen demonstrating the stretching . The wave never really got to rolling last night . We did try it several times . We stopped on the way home and let them see the view from the mountain . I think they were impressed . Today , we made a big breakfast with eggs , bacon , toast and fruit . Then , we decided we would take Ake , Razzle and Dazzle to the White Sands Monument . It was a long drive , but a very cool thing to see . We all enjoyed it despite the heat . After that we came home and had pizza for supper . Overall , it was a very nice day . I can 't think of a catchy title today . I am really tired . Today we went on a hike with the exchange students . It was really hot . We picked a steep path . I was really having a hard time breathing as we came back up the hill . I will go back a couple of days . Wednesday was Ake 's first day here . We drove to school and met the teachers . We also went to eat Mexican food . That was not a big success . He was not fond of the enchiladas . We will try something else another day . We tried riding the bus in the afternoon . He is supposed to use public transportation to get to and from school . After 40 minutes on a bus , I decided I would drive him next time . We were pretty hot and worn out from the ride . Ake was really tired and took a nap - a nap that last til late that night . When he got up , we tried several things and he finally decided on a pb & j - it was not a big hit . He has been really good about trying whatever we have . The next day , I took him to school and picked him up . We met Dean at a salad bar place . That went over pretty well . They had pizza and he likes pizza . I made American chicken and rice - not a hit . We did go grocery shopping yesterday . The chip aisle was WAY overwhelming . Today , we went hiking and did a picnic . Again , not so good . I was afraid I was starving him . This afternoon , he suggested cooking dinner for the family . Wonderful ! I mean that was a great idea and the food was wonderful , too . We went to the store and found the things he needed . He had brought some sauce packages , but needed some things to go with them . We had Thai dinner . It was really , really good . It was really , really spicy . Very yummy . Tomorrow we will so fried rice and pork . He doesn 't beef . This Texas girl may be in withdrawal before 4 weeks are up . He is so very sweet and polite . I am afraid he has spoiled us for any other students . He is so willing to help with anything . He offered to wash dishes . I told him about the dishwasher . He said in Thailand he is the dishwasher . Tonight Dean and I worked in the yard . He gave it a shot , but like our Posted by You know those signs that say Day Speed Limit 80 and Night Speed Limit 65 ? When does day stop and start ? No , I am not just wondering about odd and crazy things . This morning Eric was pulled over at 6 : 25 am for going 80 in an Day Speed Limit of 80 . The officer informed him that it was 8 minutes before sunrise , therefore he had violated the speed limit . He was then issued a ticket for $ 250 . 00 . His mama was not happy . I , of course , got online and started looking up the law . The driver 's ed book the state publishes says nothing about when day starts and stops . It does say that you must use your head lights until 30 minutes before sunrise and must turn them on at 30 minutes after sunset . If you can turn your headlights off 30 minutes before sunrise , why would you have to wait until sunrise to go the day speedlimit ? I wrote a letter to the Justice of the Peace asking that the ticket be dropped since the day / night / sunrise is so ambiguous . The rest of my day was really long and quiet . Tonight we went to the airport to pick up Ake , our exchange student from Thailand . He is very nice . I need to learn to speak slower . Tomorrow we are going to go grocery shopping . We are also going to take public transportation . I have never used it . I can not put him on a bus without some idea as to where to get off of the bus . Should be interesting . Tomorrow night we have a get together to meet the other kids . That should be fun . We pretty much hung out here at home . We did go eat at El Taco Tote . It is one of our very favorite places to eat here in town . When the boys go back , it will be back to cooking at home again . I did cook supper here - lasagna for Eric . It was so much fun having them all here . It was not like being in the old house , but it was fun all the same . We laughed and teased all day . We had quite an ordeal packing all thier stuff in the car . I offered to switch and let Eric drive mine , but since there was not an easy way to switch them , it didn 't work out . Tomorrow they are going to leave bright and early - 5 : 30 am . They will drive through to Shreveport where Billie will have Johnny 's Pizza for them . Then , they will leave JoyAnna with her and head on to Shreveport . The weather is supposed to be yucky all day , so please pray for them as they travel . I am really going to miss them . The house will be really quiet . I will see JoyAnna in a little over 2 weeks , but it will be a little over 2 months before I see Eric . Tomorrow night at 11 : 01 , our exchange student will come . This is going to be interesting . And it is only Saturday night . : ) We picked up Eric and Dustin from the airport . We headed straight to Chico 's Tacos . I posted about this place a month or so ago . Eric and Dustin really liked it . JoyAnna is not a fan , so we stopped for her to get Wendy 's on our way to the airport . We came by the house so Eric could see Ranger . Ranger has really missed him . We had closed the blinds on the back of the house . We had Eric go in the living room . When we let Ranger in , Eric whistled and Ranger went nuts . He found him and Dustin and was so excited . He could not quit playing with him . Last time he went away for a couple of weeks , Ranger was mad at him and wouldn 't have anything to do with him . This time he was just too happy to be mad . After a while , we got out and ran some errands , showed the guys around town and then met Uncle Jiggs , Aunt Anne , Jeff and Natalie for supper at the Little Diner - another must eat place in the EP area . After that , we really started having fun . Eric wanted to go to a ceratin store . Dustin had looked it up in the I phone . He told me where it was and we headed that way , even though I was fairly certain that area didn 't have any store where we would want to shop . I was right - the I phone was wrong . I had an idea where it might be , so I used the old fashioned way of calling 411 and yep - that was it . We made it to the mall and were overwhelmed by the numer of people there . The mall on our side of town is not nearly that crazy . We managed to find the store and enjoyed that little shopping excusrion . When we got home , the guys headed to Eric 's room or the living room - not sure - just know it was not where Ranger could see when he came in . Usually , when I open the door , he loves on me . Not this time . He went on a dead run looking for Eric . He was so glad he had not left again . We watched some of the olympics and headed to bed . This morning we decided to head for Mexico . We got up really early and went to the international bakery for breakfast . Then we loaded up in the ban with Jeff and Natalie and off we wPosted by We had a really busy day . I had a meeting at the Assistance League - my first one . JoyAnna went to a friend 's and then to a homeschool pizza party . It was to kick off some activities for teenagers . There don 't seem to be many geared for teens . These kids are so not the stereotypical homeschoolers . They all dressed like others in the resturant and there was not one of the moms wearing a denim jumper . : ) They are all excited about doing things as a group . I am so glad . That will really help JoyAnna out . We went to Pei Wei for dinner and ran into some homeschoolers . It was cool actually seeing someone you know out in the town - that has happened one other time since we have been here . I know it will get better , though . Today Eric comes home . The day they leave Ake comes . I wish I had more time to unpack and make the house look homey , but I don 't . We are more about the people than what is on the walls anyway . Doubtful , but there is always a possiblity . Today was not uneventful . I had to get up early because the landlord 's worker was coming to install a new dishwasher . While I was waiting I got a phone call asking if we would be interested in a foreign exchange student . I got all the information , but had to talk to Dean and JoyAnna . We had pretty much decided against it , when I went to the office and heard that they really needed houses for 2 more 16 year old boys . I told her no first because of the timing . I didn 't really have room with Dustin and Eric coming in for the weekend . When she said one was not coming until Tuesday , I agreed to it . We had to go to a meeting tonight about hosting . I think it will be a good experience for all of us . Tomorrow JoyAnna is going to a homeschool pizza party and I am going to go to lunch at the assistance league . Then , I need to hurry home and get the house ready for company and the foreign exchange student . Sounds like fun . Our flight home this morning was at 6 : 00 am . We didn 't get back to our hotel until nearly midnight . We had been to the airport to drop off and pick up . It was so busy it took us forever to do that . Dean was so afraid we would miss our flight this morning since we had to turn in the rental , check in a bike , check us in , etc . We had planned to go to bed and then get up like at 3 . Since it was so late , we decided to check out of the hotel , turn the rental in and nap in the airport . Great plan , but it didn 't work . We did get to the hotel about 1 : 40 am . There was no one at Southwest with whom to check our bags . Because of that , we could not go to the secure area where the comfy seats were . Because we had 3 bags , a bike in a box , a back pack with 2 computers in it , another bag with a computer , and a camera backpack , we were not very mobile . There was a carpeted area behind the southwest area , but since we had so much stuff , we decided to just hang out near the counter . There was a small area with 4 seats in an L shape . That made a corner were we stacked the suitcases and stuffed the smaller things under the seats . We then put the bike box there in front of us . We had our own little spot . It was not comfortable . It was cold . I finally dug my flannel robe out of the suitcase . I Put my sweatshirt on the floor and laid on it , put my head on the camera bag and covered up with my robe . I slept for about an hour . At 4 : 15 people started lining up at the ticket counter . That mean we had to , too . We hauled all our stuff over and I sat down in the floor and drank hot chocolate from starbucks while we waited . It was a long and sleepy day back . We slept most of the way home , but still do not feel rested . Early to be tonight . One of the parents had a really cool banner that she had ready . Dean held one end and she held the other . I ran down a tad further and climbed on a short wall to take photos . It was awesome seeing them ride in . Eric was near the front . They raced to the beach and dropped their bikes . I hurried over to Eric . He has always heard me when I was trying to get his attention at a swim meet . I know he knew I was there at meets , but was not expecting me here . I called out to him and he paused but didn 't really look around . I ran right up to him . He was like " what are you doing here ? " He had not seen his dad holding the sign either . I think he was really glad we had done it . I sent him on to the beach to jump in with his friends . They had huge celbration in the water . Then he did the traditional bike over the head photo for me with the water and skyline behind him . They were all pumped and excited . We saw him a little bit , but not much . They have formed their own huge B & B family - not that they were not including us , but they know their time is limited together . He called us later and we picked him up , went to the grocery store for them and went to the park to get the grills started . Eric and Dean and a couple of other father - son teams worked on grilling a lot of food for all of us . After everyone devoured the food , they had an award ceremony . They would tell about the rider before they said their name . Because of the blogs , quite a few of them I could figure out before they said their name . I don 't think the riders realized how much we all enjoyed their blogs . Quite a few of us read them regularly . One mom even asked what we were supposed to do at night now that we don 't have blogs to read . I am so glad we came . Some of the other kids said they really wished their parents would have shown up and surprised them , too . Today Dean and I went down town to Pike 's market . We really enjoyed just walking around and looking . It was so very crowded . I would have loved to have been able to take more photos - cool things , ya know , but it Posted by We have been waiting forever it seems to get the locksmith out here to unlock the car . Since I have some time I will go ahead and post a little about the arrival of Bike and Build in Seattle . Dean and I left early Saturday morning heading toward Seattle . We arrived and rain was the order of the day . We checked into our hotel and watched it rain for a little bit . When the rain slacked off , we made a mad dash to the car and strted out toward Seattle . We had heard so much about Pikes Market , we really wanted to see it . We didn 't realize we had waited too late . Everything was closed . We drove around and looked for a place to eat . After driving around a lot , we stopped and asked a very nice couple on the street if they could recommend a place . They gave us directions to a place called Rays . Thankfully , they exlained there was a pricey downstairs and a more affordable upstairs . We had a table by the window which meant we got to watch the sunset while we ate . Pretty cool . The food was good and we didn 't break the budget , either . Sunday morning dawned beautiful . We were so excited about the arrival of the Bike and Builders . We knew we needed to find something for breakfast . Ironically , the cafe we found was Salvadorean - we had a breakfast similar to what you can find in El Paso . We arrived at the beach a little early . The email said they would be in around 11 - 12 and to get there a little early . Parking there is so tough , we decided to head down early . We got there and soon there were lots of parents , siblings , friends , and various other assorted relatives . We waited and waited and waited . Every now and then a parent would get a call stating they were 15 , 20 , 30 , 45 , an hour away - there was no rhyme or reason and we finally decided we would just look for them when we saw them coming . Finally a little after 1 , someone got a call they were on the harbor road . That meant they really were close . This was shortly after the drizzle had stopped . I forgot to mention that we had had a little drizzle start up . I wish I could have shown yoPosted by Dean and I are going sight seeing in Seattle today , so I don 't have much time to post . Today is going to be sort of rushed as we have to help get Eric 's things sorted and packed for us to take some back with us . We have to decide how all that is going to work . Tonight we have to do an airport run to pick up Dustin . I 'll be back : ) I didn 't post we were going to be in Seattle for the weekend to see Eric arive to complete his trip just in case he read my blog . I figured it was doubtful , but it could happen . A few weeks ago , they posted the details for the end of the trip . When I read them , I started crying . I was so upset that I was not gong to be able to participate . Dean knew how bad I wanted to be here , so he told me to go ahead and book the trip . I wanted to surprise him , so I did everything without telling him . It was wonderful watching them ride in . We waited at the beach for 3 hours . It has been a very long day , and I will give a play by play later on . For now , I am about to fall asleep . I will post again tomorrow or when we get home on Tuesday . The debate of digi vs . film is probably one that will last a very long time . I shoot only digi - since that is the only camera I have . I decided I needed something from a camera store . I looked it up online last night to see the best things . I wanted to have some idea of what I needed to look for at the store . I looked up camera stores on the internet . El Paso has 800k people . I thought for sure there would be a camera store . Even Longview and Tyler have good ones . So what if Bob 's Camera shop is in the back of the Hallmark store . I was trying to not have to go all over town , so I checked the map and found 2 in the downtown area . One even advertises camera repair . Excellent ! I hopped in the car and headed that way . Parallel parked - thankfully the slot was HUGE - right in front of the store and walked in - to the dark ages . Don 't get me wrong I LOVED it . There were no color prints on the walls , only very large BW - wonderful . There were gobs of old fashioned enlargers , all the gadgets for developing film . It was like walking into the home of an old friend . I just wanted to stand there and soak it all in . There was an older lady behind one of the counters who was helping a man with a camera . A teen girl brought out an SLR to a man standing there . She explained what he was doing wrong with rewinding the film , and then she turned to ask what I needed . This is where things went rather downhill . I asked her for something to clean the sensor in my camera . A blank look - that is probably the best description of her response . She asked the woman who said they had nothing . I said , well , what about a puff brush . That she had . $ 2 . 99 . I also needed a sync cord to go with my studio lights . I asked for that and got another blank look from the teen . Then I was informed by the woman that I can 't use studio lights with my digi . Well , ok , then . I have been for quite a while as so most other photographers . I explained it was an SLR , then was told I had to use manual settings . Darn if I didn 't know that , too . I deicided maybe I would headPosted by I hope tomorrow is much less ' exciting ' than the last 3 days have been . We got up really early . JoyAnna did anyway . I was a littel slower moving . We got almost to the airport and the step mom of the little girl she was going to escort called . The airline would not let JoyAnna escort her since she was not 18 . None of us had any idea at all . Since JoyAnna and Dad were so excited about the trip , she went on and boarded the plane . I feel so bad about it . Now they have to make other plans and get her there in a different manner . After she left , I went to have breakfast with the others who were there to see the little girl off . We had a nice visit . I came home and work on the house some more . I am just about too tired to make progress . I had planned to meet a house / pet sitter this morning , but she canceled on me . I met her later at noon instead . Eric called me today . He has major issues with chaffing at the moment . I sent him to the store for some Gold Bond . I should have sent it to him earlier in the trip . He said he had a little fall today . Yeah , it was so little he bent a wheel on his bike . He is borrowing one from a girl who is having to ride in the van because she broke her arm . I am really lonely today . The animals are sleeping and everyone else is gone . Right now we are in 4 time zones . Pretty crazy . Since we moved into this house , the garage has been piled high with boxes , bags , baskets , etc . Because Dean went to Longview to get the last of our stuff from there , I had to make room for that . Since I can 't sleep , I sat up really late last night and made major progress . I was going to sleep late today since I have to get up early to take JoyAnna to the airport . That didn 't work . The environmental dept . guy came to talk to me about my complaint about the mosquitos at 7 am ! Way , way too early . Since I was up , I worked some more in the garage . Then I unpacked lots of boxes . It has been a long day . Dean called from somewhere on I20 and asked me to go to his office and drop something off . This is the new one that is under construction . The one they have been spending a fortune on for the new polished concrete floors . When I pulled up , there were 4 teens skateboarding on the new floor . I dialed 9 - 11 and explained the situation . I pulled around the circle again and they were standing out near the dumpster . I was on the phone , so I guess they realized they were in trouble and left . The police officers were very nice . Pretty crazy afternoon . I still need to do some more , but I am pretty tired . Tomorrow during some of the day our family of 4 will be in 4 different time zones . We will be spread from the east to the west coast . That is something that has never happened with us before . when I have too much on my mind . This post might really live up to the title of my blog about rambling . I have so much going on in there that tonight it is even hard to ranble about it . There 's the house and the finality of that . Even though it hasn 't sold , someone else is living there . There is the unpacking . I am not sure I am ever going to finish . It is too hot to do much more than a couple of hours during the day . That makes it hard . Tonight , since I am not sleepy , I have been out there rearranging , bringing in boxes for us to unpack during the day . We can take a fan with us . I need a buffet or something for the dining room . I have all my china , my Christmas china , all the stuff I have for entertaining . Right now it is all stacked in boxes around the outside of the room . Maybe I could spraypaint boxes black . Next are all the mirrors , paintings , art stuff , decorating stuff that are just lining the walls . I need to get Dean motivated to do that . I would like it to look a little more like a home before the boys get here . If not , I hope they come back about Christmas break time . Maybe by then it will have cooled down enough to get something done . Then there is JoyAnna going away . Going to my Dad 's . I know she is looking forward to it . So is he . My step mom is not staying there right now . That was a surprise to us when he called tonight . I am not sure what all that is all about , but that has JoyAnna a little bumfuzzled . You know how it is when you get an idea in your head , and then circumstances change . That is sort of the feeling she has right now . My youngest sister Sam is going to be there with her . Talking to him tonight was really different . He seems to have had an enocounter with God and is trying to make apolgies for things he did in the past . It was not the conversation I expected to have with him . Maybe I never expected it . As I told him , I don 't hold anything against him . Years ago I worked that out between me and God . I forgave Dad a long time ago , even if he had never asked . I guess that explains my sleeplesPosted by Not a literal one , but today has felt like that . I posted about the house renting , but since it is part of it , I 'll touch on it again in a minute . I was planning to sleep in a little this morning . at 8 : 15 the doorbell rang . It was the maintanence guy from the rental company . I had asked for them to have him call before he came by . I was in my robe and the kitchen was not company ready . I had planned to make it such when I got up . It is very difficult to work in there right now . There is that clicking sound . I think I already posted about that . Sorry . Anyway , he came and stayed for a while - after I told him I needed 5 minutes to get dressed . Amazing how company ready you can get the house in 5 fast minutes : ) Then there was the phone call about renting the house . That got settled and then we had to decide about the stuff left in Longview . Dean needed some stuff from Dallas for the office . Since Longview is not much further , he decided to combine the two . We started trying to get a plan and a plane . We wanted to be as wise as possible with the money and the time . We looked at him flying to Dallas , renting a uhaul there . . . flying to Longview . . . flying to shreveport , and so on . We finally found a flight from EP to DFW and then on to Longview for about 300 . That seemed to be the best option . By the time we tried to book it , it wouldn 't let us . We had already packed him , so we picked him up at the office and hightailed it to the airport . We arrived at 3 : 05 - 1 hour before the flight was to leave . We hurried in to the ONLY counter where you can buy a ticket on American . There was a lady with 3 boys - unaccompanied minors . You also handle that at that window . She was not happy her boys were gong to have to have a lay over and plane change at DFW . She got on the phone and called everyone she knew about the situation . The lady at the desk was getting irritated . Finally , she decided to go ahead and send them . Then it took longer for the paperwork and for her to pay for it , then to check their bags . We were all getting impaPosted by I knew it was going to be hard to sell the house , and renting it is still hard . We had to do it , though . We were sinking fast financailly . Because we were not planning to rent , we had left some things in the house . Now I have to hurry and find someone to haul it all out . Dean might need to go to Dallas and get some things for the office , so he may go on to Longview and move the rest of the stuff out . Thanks to my good friend Molly who gave the people my name and number : ) Well , at least the most beautiful place I have found . There is a canyon on the east side of town that has a state park in it . Amazing to have it right in the middle of the city . Of course it is pretty rare to have a mountain in the middle of the city . I did a photo shoot there tonight . Amazing . We had so much fun . The dad is shipping out to Japan tomorrow , so we did family pics tonight . His daughter is the one that JoyAnna is flying to NC with later this week . She said in the car on the way home , " I guess you could say we are related to them . " Huh ? " Well Aunt Pat is his step mom , so that makes him my cousin . " Ok . We kind of laughed because Aunt Pat is not really ' aunt ' Pat . I know she is Memaw 's daughter , but despite the way we all feel about one another , we are only related by love , not blood . Still , we are family . I am going to post photos another blog - it is part of the 365 Project . You take a year 's worth of photos . I think you are only supposed to put one photo , but since I am going to use it as a photo blog for photo _ graphics by Pam , I am going to post others on there , too . It is supposed to represent your life . Sometimes a photo shoot is what I did that day . How is that for trying to convince myself it is ok ? Wonder why I have to justify myself as being right when there are really no rules to a situation and who is going to hold me to it even if there were . Well now I have even confused myself . I am going to go play around with some of the photos . Maybe I 'll post some here , but you can check my other blog if now . http : / / photo - graphicsbypam . blogspot . com At least I think that is the right address . That is describing today in the house . We got out and ran some errands since the a / c in the car is much better than in the house . It is really not that high in temp , but the humidity is high , thus the swamp cooler is lacking . Went by the landlord 's today . We have some major issues . The hall ceiling has a leak . The dw leaks all over the patio , and the stove top tries to ignite 24 / 7 . Sounss like a ticking bomb in thekitchen . Not that I have ever heard one in real life , but you get the picture . We are going to take photos tonight in the canyon on the other side of the mountain . It is so pretty there . I am sure we will find some beautiful spots to shoot . JoyAnna is pigging out on soybeans . There are a few of our favorite foods you can 't get here , and they are all veggies . You can get a really amazing taco , gordito , or any other food in that category . I read that it was too late , so I didn 't even TRY to fill out the FAFSA . I called Tech today and was told I could fill it out . Now , it is all done . YES ! I am a little sleepy this morning . I sat up late chatting and watching HGTV . I need to run a couple of errands today , too . I might try before it gets too hot . I am excited about my first photo shoot in El Paso . We are going into this wonderful canyon and do them there . I will post photos on my new blog . It will be devoted to photography . I have been so scattered since Dean was offered this job out here . I can 't seem to get anything taken care of like I should . I have always done Eric 's financial aid stuff for college . With the plan to move , moving , bike and build , etc , I forgot . Major oops . When I finally realized it , the deadline had passed . Now , I have to figure out some other way to come up with money . I am hoping we can file for it by paper and just not online . I hope he can still get the scholarship from Tech as that has not been accepted either . I am going to get him to work on that tomorrow . If he can get that , most of his tuition would be covered . We might owe 200 each quarter . That would not give him any money for housing , books , going out , etc . That means I would have to pay for it . Great . I called a friend who works at another college . She says we can do it on paper . I will have to call Tech tomorrow and get that worked out . Pray it works out . Daisies This is the river that had formed and was racing across the interstate . Not the best photo , but it does show what the side of the road was like . This is just out side of Truth or Consequences after a storm . Beautiful colors from the light . Loved the levels on this hotel . StairsOk , I know I should upload and post photos when I write the blog for that day , so I will try to do better . For now , I will just post a few random ones I have liked from the summer . Posted by Inside the Inn of Cloudcroft Bridge Trestle to nowhere - on the way to Cloudcroft . The day was really , really gray . dittoLooking into the beams in the tower at the inn in Cloudcroft . This was an interesting window and light scene in downtown El Paso . Jamie and Dee in the dog pen - they had so much fun together . Pink MountainsThe View from the front door of the house . Posted by We really wanted to experience this , so we bit the bullet and spent $ 90 . 00 on the tickets and the drinks . Much more than we usually spend on one night of anything except maybe a hotel . The show was great . They did a wonderful job on sets , props and costumes . The performers were just WOW ! I had called yesterday to see if we could buy tickets at the gate and save some of the money . I know I am cheap , but oh well . There are 2 numbers on the website - one is for ticketmaster and the other is a recording that says for tickets call ticketmaster . So , I took that to mean the only way to get a ticket was through ticket master - WRONG . They sold them at the gate . I asked about them and we would have saved nearly $ 20 . 00 . I took my camera of course . At the beginning of the show , they said no flash photography . Ok . I don 't use a flash . There were some really cool costumes and a really neat fire pit . I was not the only one taking photos . I was , however , the only one told to put my camera away . Yep , in the middle of the show , a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said no photos or videos were allowed . I told her he said no flash and she said even without a flash it was not allowed . There was another guy behind me using a 40D . She did not tell him no photos . I think it must have been the lens on mine . I use the lens shield so it makes it look huge - I guess more professional looking than the better camera behind me . Really did not make me happy . I asked the guy at the intermission and she had not told him anything . I asked him a couple of questions about his camera and lens . He had no idea . None at all about anything on his camera . Just crazy to invest that much money in a camera you have no idea how to use . I asked him which lens he had and he said " a zoom . " Nice . I was going to send a letter that they really should say what they mean - you know if you mean no photos say no photos - not no flash photos . Anyway , Iw as going to do it , but JoyAnna thinks she might want to audition for the show next year . It was such a great show , I think itPosted by We are going to see a musical production of the history of El Paso tonight . First we are going to go have dinner with Uncle Jiggs and Aunt Ann . I am going to relax and enjoy myself . I am not going to worry about the house not selling , the stress of money , missing Eric , or Nanny . I am going to sit for several hours on a brand of Abe Lincoln - if nothing else - THAT should take my mind off everything else . I am finally downloading hundreds of photos . I have been very lax about photos . Maybe I will have some to post here soon . My mom just called and said they are saying my grandmother has dementia . I am not sure why she sounds surprised . It does make me sad . Maybe it just the saying it - putting a name on it - putting words to it . I know there are not a lot of 44 year olds who have living grandparents . Maybe being 44 makes it so much harder to lose . I have had her forever . She has always been a constant in my life . Even though I didn 't live in the same town as her , she was always a part of my life . I am the oldest grandchild . I have always felt as we shared a special bond . A bond of the heart . When I was home last time and visited her in the hospital she was so cranky and fussed at me about moving to El Paso . I was already having a hard enough time . I knew when I said good bye to her , I mght be telling her good bye for the last time . I am planning to go home for Thanksgiving . It makes me so sad to think when I do go , she may be there in body , but not in mind . I have watched my friends deal with their parents . I have seen Memaw and Depaw as she takes care of him and he doesn 't remember so many things . I guess I always knew this was going to happen . There have been so many signs of it . But to KNOW it is so much harder . So , I am sitting here thinking of the good fun times . Traveling with her when I was little . We would take an old portable reel to reel and we would make travel shows - telling about everything little thing we saw , acting silly and singing songs . She always sang songs . The saddest songs , but always begged her to sing them again and again . Easter at her house . Christmas . Decorating the tree on Thanksgiving . When I was in college , she would mail me a card with a dollar in it . That was a lot of money to a broke college kid in the early 80s . The good memories are so many that I can 't even list them all . I am so blessed that my kids have had the opportunity to make good memories with her , too . So , instead of thinking of the sadness of this , I am going to remember the good , the fun , the funny and so many other things that make her Nanny . I would so love to be able to hop in the car and go see my grandmother . It is just too far and would take too long and I am not sure my Abe brand would let me be drive that far . I would need to stop and stand very often . My mom called and said they put her back in the hospital today . I love her , but we never know if it is for attention or if she is really in bad shape . I don 't mean that bad at all . Eric and Dustin will be here two weeks from today . I can hardly wait to see them . I am really tired tonight . I hope I sleep better tonight . I skipped water aerobics today because of old Abe . I don 't think that has helped me sleep anyway . Maybe tonight I will rest then I won 't feel quite so down . |
Psychic Rose 's website your life readings to help you with accurate answers to describe future events . Psychic Rose ® Biography True Love Story written by Ann Marie Conti . Judgement to bring back love again and their short stories Copyright protected and witnessed . All rights reserved . No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever , including Internet usage , without written permission from Ann Marie Conti except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews . Printed in the United States of America . The book will mentioned some songs that had meaning to Rose during certain life lessons . If you have the time to listen to the songs , a gratification to very talented artists such as Elvis , Peter Frampton , Commodores , and of course Elton John / Bernie Taupin and their talented songs . Ann Marie Conti created her own song called " Easy " Enjoy her love story ! One day I had a brilliant idea . We all some time in our lives and sometimes more than others experience losing someone we love in one way or another . And going to their grave is even harder . Harry was Psychic Rose 's first boyfriend . When she met Harry , he was 24 years old and full of smiles and winks . She used to love when he used to look at her , he would give her this great smile and then a wink to go with it . She fell fast in love with Harry . Harry was an experience that Psychic Rose was glad happened and shall never forget . Why ? Because Harry taught her what love and making love is . Harry was full of life and ecstasy . Harry liked to socialize and drink beer with his friends and have a good time . There were many good memories of Harry especially when they made love . If there is one lesson she learned at an early age , it was people do change . She doesn 't think that people change because they want to . She feels it is because of peoples ' influences , needs , and desires as one perceives life and goals or maybe mistakes and regrets . At 32 years old , Harry chose to take his life . Regret is a sad word to wish upon and Harry felt that very much when his choices in life changed Psychic Rose . His ex - girlfriend , Diane , easily influenced Harry . Diane was wild and she just wouldn 't give him up . Diane threatened Psychic Rose 's life several weeks before Harry died and Harry knew it as she remembers unfortunately their last conversation on the phone as she told him to keep his wife Diane away from her because she threatened Psychic Rose on her answer machine tape , Diane used words like " You will see blood " " You will see blood " repeatedly . Thank god Diane did not know where she was ! She was only a short distance away from Diane . She had no choice but to give the recorded tape to the cops . She felt so angry and cold talking to someone that she thought was very special to her once upon a time . She also knew that Harry feared that one day Diane might hurt her . Harry made a choice one day to walk away and go back to Diane not because he wanted to leave but because of Diane 's bad influence and Psychic Rose was much younger than she actually told Harry because she lied about her age when she first met Harry and he later found out the truth . It was not Psychic Rose 's idea to lie to Harry it was at the time her best friend Little Diane ( another Diane with a better soul . ) She can remember several times as the months went on , Harry would see her and even came back for a second chance four months later after he left her the first time , which she forgave because they did truly love each other . But Diane was always coming back in between to start trouble . Diane was unbalanced and dangerous because of her alcohol and drug problems . Eventually , Diane got pregnant by Harry to add to the other child she had by someone else . Psychic Rose doesn 't know and sometimes wonders if she did get pregnant first before Diane did would that have changed fate for the better ? She thinks anything would have been better than the choice Harry later regretted by getting involved in Diane 's evilness and marrying her falling for her trap . Psychic Rose can remember the day when Harry said to her , as she asked him why did he leave her ? Finally , feeling daring enough to hear it several years later at his apartment outside ( at the picnic table ) because he left Diane again and Harry replied , " We can get it back ! " as tears were running down her face full of disappointment because a very serious tragic involving a violent person almost ruined her and all she could say back was " I 'm not that girl anymore . " Harry just looked at her as he paced back and forth with his head down standing and repeating again " We can get it back ! " And all she could say back repeatedly " I 'm not her anymore " as deep scars of memories came rushing through her mind overcoming the special feelings of joy that she once shared with Harry to the rage remembrance of forced violence that changed her and who Psychic Rose used to be as sad tears kept running down her face screaming and crying , " No , you 're too late . " " It 's too late . " When Harry left Psychic Rose , she didn 't have protection any more and felt lost . She was 22 years old when Harry died . She was not with Harry at the time of his death but she can recall one night when she went back to his apartment at night and Harry told her as she was leaving Harry said , " One day I am going to take a gun to my head . " after he heard her tell him what had happened . Psychic Rose does not think at that moment they knew each other anymore . Time does heal all wounds . After Harry 's death , she always promised herself that she would visit his grave . Usually when she goes , it is around the middle and end of the year . She tries to go at least two times a year . Every time she would go , she would bring one rose ; just one rose for a Special Love . Psychic Rose can remembered the day when she was first starting on the Phone Psychic Network around September of 1996 and the Network asked her " What name are you going to call yourself when you talked to the customers ? " She only thought of Harry and the One Rose that he gave her one day when he knocked on her door trying to mend her broken heart . It was in June of 1996 and to her surprised it was Harry 's Anniversary Death day June 15 , and Psychic Rose just happened to go on that day and noticed the date to remind her as she put his one rose on his grave . Psychic Rose went to visit Harry 's grave but this time it was different because she was working on the Phone Psychic Network and she was involved with Tarot and learning her Gift and Powers of Communication through the Spirits . She decided to bring her Tarot cards with her this time . Psychic Rose felt the Spirits communicating to her as she decided to drive to Calverton cemetery in New York . On the way there , she decided the Judgment Tarot card would help her bring Harry back . If there is one thing she was sure in life it is , " Harry always came back to her and always will . " It 's funny because what Psychic Rose is about to tell you will be hard to believe but it is the truth . In fact , she feels it is time again to do it . You are probably saying " What ? " All right she will tell you . It was a little later than usual for her to start going towards the Calverton cemetery , and as usual she stopped at Perry 's Florist to get a rose . It was cloudy and late afternoon as she parked her car along side the lot that Harry 's grave was about two rows away in the middle . Psychic Rose took her Tarot cards wrapped up in black silk cloth . She laid the Judgment Tarot card on top of Harry 's grave and she started to think about the fact that Harry always came back to her and it was time for him to come back . Harry just needed a little help or a path to lead him to come back to her . She figured if there was anyway possible for this to happen it would be this way . She was learning her Gift of Powers and felt confident enough that she could do this as Psychic Rose kept saying it standing in front of Harry 's grave , " Harry you always come back to me . Come back . Come back to me . " Judgement Tarot card is a rite of passage . Psychic Rose knew it was time for Harry 's resurrection meaning a comeback or return . As the Judgment Tarot card was lying on top of the Harry 's grave , Psychic Rose kept saying , " Harry come back to me , you always do . " She asked Harry for a sign to let her know if he had heard her and she swears a moment later , the sprinkler system just started to shoot water in many areas of that lot and it shook her up . It actually scared her ! She was a little scared and it was starting to get late , later than she usually goes and stays . So she left because it felt like she was not alone . As she got into her car driving away , she kept thinking about what had happened and she just wasn 't sure what to believe except she knew Harry wanted to come back . Psychic Rose lived with Harry two times once at the " Manor " in Ronkonkoma and on Wintergreen Street in Coram both in New York . She can remembered after Harry 's death , one night Donna and Diane asked her to hang out with them . Donna and Diane are Identical Twins even though they were determined not to be . Donna was more the Marilyn Monroe look , sexy with lots of make up , and Diane was simple and natural . Psychic Rose did not know honestly where this party was . When she got to their house , she was contemplating if she should take her car or not . She really wasn 't sure if she wanted to stay very long at the party and if she didn 't , she would be stuck . Donna wanted her to go with them in their car so even though she hesitated , Psychic Rose said , " OKAY . " To her surprise the house they went to happen to be on Wintergreen Street in Coram ! This is where Harry and Psychic Rose lived the second time around . She was shocked and not sure about this situation . She went into the house and everything became familiar to her . It was dark when Psychic Rose entered the house so she was not aware that it was the same house that Harry and her lived in the year of 1980 . She noticed some changes made to the house . Donna did not know that Psychic Rose once lived here . Then Donna confessed that she was sort of living there with Frank a guy who she had been seeing . Psychic Rose walked in and on the left was a big room that Donna and Frank was in . Donna started to argue with Frank because she caught him in the bathroom looking at Playboy magazines . Donna did not handle this very well it was a blow to her ego . So she left that scene . She went into the kitchen and on the counter was white powder and everyone was sitting at the kitchen table and Steven , which is Donna and Diane 's brother , sitting on the counter next to the white powder . She wasn 't sure what the white powder was but the kitchen did remind her of " their kitchen . " At this moment her heart was crushing and memories were coming back . It was very emotional for her , too emotional . So she left that scene and decided to go up the stairs , actually upstairs was where Harry and her stayed . She was shocked it was all the same and she did not know what to think . As she went up the stairs , Psychic Rose really was recalling the times she used to go up these stairs with Harry after coming back from the beach and having so much fun and when she got to the top and went into the room that used to look like " theirs " it just happened to be Steven 's room with his girlfriend , Laurie , whom she never did get along with . Psychic Rose just couldn 't take it anymore ! She had to leave and even though she realized at that moment she made a big mistake not taking her car , she just did not care . She knew she had to leave so she went back down the stairs Psychic Rose stepped out onto the street in the dark and wondering how was she going to get out of this . she walked to the stop sign a short distance away and a car suddenly stopped and she screamed at the car and said in the middle of the street at 1 : 00 in the morning to this car with a black man in front of the wheel , " Do you know how to get out of here ? " It was so long since she lived there and she forgot how to get out of the development . The black man rolled down his window and looked at her like she was crazy . Psychic Rose then repeated herself by saying , " Could you at least give me a ride to the main road ? " Again the black man just looked at her and then said " OKAY . " she got in the car and the first thing Psychic Rose said was , " Thank you " as he was making a u - turn , which she did not understand . As he was making the u - turn he said , " You really do not know whom I am . " she looked back at him and said , " Why should I ? " He then put on the car light so she could take a look at him . What she saw was a good looking black man with beautiful skin and little boxing gloves hanging from his rear view mirror ? He looked at her and then said , " I 'm Sugar Ray Leonard . I hurt my eye that 's why I am not fighting anymore . " So , she said , " Sugar Ray Leonard ! What ! You 're Sugar Ray Leonard ! " " Nah you 're not Sugar Ray Leonard . " I think he was more shocked that she did not recognize him ! She was so shocked to believe that she would just walk out of a party and go to the stop sign thinking of Harry and meet SUGAR RAY LEONARD ! Psychic Rose thought it was impossible and crazy but believe it or not , it was true ! she has to admit she really busted Sugar Ray Leonard 's chops . As they were getting onto the main road , she did tell him that she left a party because she did not feel comfortable there and was glad she left . When they got to the main road and she was ready to get out and as she started to say , " Thank you again " to her surprise , Sugar Ray Leonard said , " I 'll take you home . " She smiled back and said , " Thank you I would definitelySugar Ray Leonard if you ever read this story , Psychic Rose hopes she shocked you and then we will be even ! She can remember the next morning when she went to visit her neighbor down the hall , Bruce , and as she was walking into his room , she just wasn 't sure if what happened last night was a dream and then turned to Bruce and said , " Hi Bruce ! Sugar Ray Leonard took me home last night . " By this time , Psychic Rose was on the Long Island Expressway going home from the Calverton cemetery . She had an idea she was going to see Robby , a friend she was hanging out with . Robby was a friend who worked at the Mobil gas station . Robby was the Manager and worked long hours to support his three kids . Robby and Psychic Rose became friends because she had a Mobil credit card and would go there . Robby was attracted to her and would always asked her out when she went there as he would pump her gas and take her credit card . Robby would say , " Would you like to go out some time ? I 'm separated from my wife ? " Many times she would say no but one day Psychic Rose said , " yes . " Anyway , she had an idea Robby wanted to see her so she figured she might as well stop there to see what time he wanted to hang out . She knew he was having car problems . As she was going down Portion Road to the Mobil gas station all of a sudden a special song came on ! It was from the Commodores and the name of the song was " Still . " But when it came on everything felt different especially the song , which she played or listened to for so long it sounded so different , it sounded so different that she was starting to collapse as she was driving . So immediately , she pulled into Genovese parking lot to listen . It was different because the song played so slow and it felt so real , like someone was singing it to her . Psychic Rose knows you think she is crazy but she is telling you the truth ! She started to break down and cry so deep it was unbelievable . She was really crying deeply , longing for Harry and started feeling like he was there singing it to her . Finally , she got herself together and felt better to let go . She started to actually think is " Harry with me ? " The experience was warm and even though she cried , she felt real and realized how lucky she was to have had the experienced of Harry . For every moment Psychic Rose spent with Harry , she can say it was rewarding . Why ? Harry knew how to make her feel good inside and out . And honestly if she did noShe then proceeded with her driving to see Robby . She pulled into the parking lot only to see Robby through the glass window expecting her . Psychic Rose said , " Hello Robby how are you doing ? " Robby said , " OKAY . " Customers were coming in and out . Robby and her usually waited until the customer ( s ) leaves and then they would start talking until the next customer comes in then they shut up until they are alone again . She taught Robby this from years of working and dealing with customers , she always would tell Robby you never know who will walk in the door . Anyway , she asked Robby if they were going to hang out tonight and he said , " Yes but my car is in the shop . " Psychic Rose said , " No big deal you 're around the corner , I will come and pick you up after work . " It was Sunday and on Sundays Robby got off at 10 : 00 p . m . Robby and her developed a friendship only because she certainly did not want to get involved with him and his situation of having three kids . Robby did become a friend . Psychic Rose really did not want to get involved with Robby it seemed more that he was pursuing her and she went along with it for the time being . She liked Robby but she knew he was not Harry . Robby really liked her but it was mutual that they both knew they were just friends . She thinks it was more that she was a good friend towards Robby . Robby and Harry were very different people . She would say honestly Harry was full of excitement , fun , and fulfilling and Robby was calm , quiet , and very sneaky . And one thing she hates is a sneaky man . For that reason alone is probably why it never went any further than friends . And if there was anything Psychic Rose was sure of , it was that Robby was no comparison in the bedroom to Harry . Psychic Rose definitely knew the difference ! Why does she say this ? As we go on , you 'll see . Chapter 4 Have you ever heard the story about the " milkman ? " Yeah , well it 's true . Psychic Rose learned a lot from the " milkman . " She was born in Hollis , Queens New York . She can remembered she hopes you can too , when the " milkman " would deliver your milk in bottles right to your doorstep . Psychic Rose loves her mother but her mother is different she acts more like a friend to her than actually being motherly . She knew her mother was not happy with her father . They would constantly argue . One day she noticed her mother being nice to the " milkman . " She thought it was nice of him to start bringing extra milk . All families would dream of this service . She guessed the " milkman " heard her mother and father arguing when he came to the door to deliver the milk . As time went on , she noticed her mother was calling the " milkman " by his first name , Frank . Frank was tall , slender , and Spanish . Frank started to spend a little more time at the door when he came to do his milk deliveries . She also noticed that her mother started to go out longer hours than usual . Psychic Rose was five years old and she still can remember that day clearly . A few days before , she can remember when her mother got her brothers and her up early to get dressed up for the family picture of us kids together . She saw the photographer coming in the house and he rolled down a white screen behind us for the background and took the picture . She still has that picture it was very nice to see her brothers and her in a family photo . It was a lifetime memory . Her father at that time worked at night that 's when she started to hear funny noises at night . Unfortunately , they lived on the bottom floor of a white house and it was nice but narrow and long . You had to come in from the side door , which was in the driveway towards the back going to the garage . When you came in on the right was the big kitchen table and on the left was the kitchen and as you kept going left you went into the living room then my mother and fathers ' bedroom plus Psychic Rose 's ( same room . ) And then Her father did not say too much after that and she did not think much about the conversation until the next day ! It was a sunny day because the sun always came through our windows over our kitchen table . It was early morning and her father wasn 't home . Her mother got up early and was cooking a really nice breakfast . She just watched her mother as she was cooking and giving Psychic Rose the impression that they were going to have company . She just couldn 't figure out whom ? Until there was a knock on the door and her mother went to the door and opened it to let Frank ( milkman ) in . She just couldn 't believe it ! She knew she was very young but she was definitely getting confused . Psychic Rose means , she thought her mother was supposed to do this with her dad . Anyway , her mom let Frank in and Frank went to the right but to the other side of the head of table . Her mother began laying out all the delicious breakfast food and Frank was obviously looking forward to eating it . Her mother was a good cook . Frank began to eat and her mother went on top of his lap and was feeding him and they looked like they were in love . Until the door opened again and there was her father coming in ! She didn 't know what was going to happen but she was definitely afraid . Psychic Rose just stood there and studied her father 's behavior . She knew that her father loved and adored her . Psychic Rose was afraid for everybody so she showed her father that her presence was there to protect or at least keep her father from going crazy . Her father came in the door and as he spied at her mother sitting on Frank 's lap . She can still remember so clearly her mother jumping up with a jolt . To Psychic Rose 's amazement her father went towards her knowing she was watching between the kitchen and the living room . Her father went into the living room so she turned her head from the kitchen to the living room and saw him sit on the couch on the other end against the wall . Her father just sat there and did not say one word . He sat there for a while in a stare . Psythere trying to surmise what was going through his mind . He just sat there senseless . Her mother was in the kitchen telling Frank to go but Frank was frightened for her mother and did not want to leave her alone . Her father grew impatient and then told Psychic Rose to get into the bedroom and abruptly went towards the kitchen draw and grabbed a knife by this time Frank seemed more eager to leave and started heading towards the door , walking backwards as her father kept coming at him with the knife . Psychic Rose did not leave she had to see what was going on . Her father started to point the knife at Frank 's stomach and kept saying , " Get out ! " " Get out now ! " By this time , she had to be even more courageous and go more towards them to make her presence louder while Frank glanced at Psychic Rose , and then her father did . Frank then said , " OKAY , OKAY . " Frank tried to put his hands in front to shield from the knife because it was getting very close to his body as her father was poking the knife back and fourth . Psychic Rose screamed " Dadddd , Noooo ! " She started to plead , " Dad , Please Don ' tttttt . " Her father must have heard her cry and gave enough space for Frank to say again ; " OKAY " and then Frank turned around and ran out . From that day on Frank ( the milkman ) and Psychic Rose became friends . She thinks today as she looks back , if you want to know who was THE ONE that appreciated her courage and strength on that day ? It was Frank , the milkman . You might find that answer to be strange but that day was merely the start of a hidden loyalty , she would have for the milkman . Frank became a part of her life so unexpectedly . She grew to love and know Frank and watched all that he went through just to be with her mother until she was sixteen years old . It was that day that she discovered her Powers of Presence . Her brother , Bobby , which was a year younger , ran into the bedroom and hid . She had the power to control many peoples ' destiny that day . Think about it . If Psychic Rose did not stay , what would have happened ? Psychic RosWell it didn 't end there even though Frank left and Psychic Rose definitely felt a sense of relief . Her mother was still left and she was pretty sure Frank was calling the Police . She got really scared being alone and she is not sure why but she ran into the bedroom next to Bobby they were so scared . And all she could hear from her parents ' bedroom was milk bottles many milk bottles breaking all over the kitchen floor . Her father was out of control breaking bottles of milk . And all she could think of was the sharp glass and her mother still in the kitchen and still remembering hearing her voice saying , " Charlie , you 're hurting me . " " Charlie , you 're hurting me . " Just for this moment , as Psychic Rose grasp and thinks of this flashback that she had to live with for 36 years , it 's quite strange that she never forgot it and never told it , until now ! It is so clear in memory it was like she was still there holding that memory and now sharing it for the first time with you . Her mother finally decided to walk away . Psychic Rose guessed she was tired and wanted to disregard this matter . The sounds got quiet and she saw her mother wanting to lie down on her bed as she turned the light off . We were in the room , which was helpful to her . Her father decided to have a cup of coffee . The next thing she knew the coffee cup came flying across the living room into the bedroom and smashed onto the bedroom floor . Dad just wouldn 't quit ! The next thing Psychic Rose heard from him still in the kitchen was " I better see this mess cleaned up when I come home . " Her mother just laid there in the dark and wouldn 't say a word . Her father left to go back to work . Shortly after that there were knocks on the door . It was the Police . Bobby and her just kept quiet . They were so afraid . She is not sure what her mother said to the Police but they left . Psychic Rose doesn 't think she made an issue . Her mother did clean the mess up as Bobby and Psychic Rose just stayed in the bedroom together . They had each other and it did feel soothing . Her motherChapter 5 The neighborhood was changing it was summertime and her mother bought Psychic Rose this bathing suit . It was a one piece bathing suit except it had a medium sized decorative hole on each side and all the boys in the neighborhood was looking down it ! Psychic Rose remembers once coming home and she had two lines of boys on each side of her bathing suit hole taking turns looking down . This is really true . She is laughing now because it sounds crazy but it is true ! ( Did Psychic Rose ever agree with her parents ? " No , she did not . " From that day on , Psychic Rose was always hoping and waiting that she could say to someone , " Ooh Baby you 're THE ONE . ) Psychic Rose just showed you some pictures and as we go along , she will explain . The next - door neighbors were black . She used to play with their son . She does not remember his name but she can recall what he used to tell her . He used to say , " My mother grows plants in our basement . " He said it to her a couple of times and then one day he said , " Do you want to go see the plants ? " And Psychic Rose said , " yes . " She was dying to know what he meant by saying his family had plants in their basement ? They went downstairs and she really did see plants growing in their basement ! The basement had rows of dirt and plants . It was unbelievable especially when she figured it out to be marijuana ( pot ) ! There was a man that used to come and visit Psychic Rose . His name was Tony . Tony liked to make Psychic Rose laugh . She never knew why Tony came to visit her but he was friendly and fun . ( Later on about 23 years later , she mentally figured it out through her telepathy ability , reading her father 's thoughts trying to tell her but just couldn 't over dinner at a restaurant many times after her parents ' divorce . ) After the last dinner , the next time her father called her , she said over the phone , " Dad , I know that you are not my Dad . " Her father replies , " How did you know ? " It was then that Psychic Rose realized that all along she had a Psychic Ability ( Psychic Rose used to use her psychic ability of telepathy in her own life to survive against people that were not very nice to her because of jealousy or for underhanded reasons in her career ! ) She can recollect her thoughts now wondering why so many times after her parents used to argued , she would go to her bedroom and take out her Birth Certificate and would studied it trying to find a clue to tell her that her father was not her real dad . Psychic Rose would read her father 's mind as he would stare at her walking by as she grew older . And her mother would say , " Charlie , why are you staring at her ? " Her father observed as Psychic Rose was growing up looking more and more like Tony instead of HIM ! One day , after her father confessed to Psychic Rose that he was not her real biological father he would say , " Rose , you 're a spittin image of him ! " It was her father 's truck driver helper named , Tony ! Anyway back to the story , there was a Spanish family that lived upstairs . It was above the boy 's room in the front of the house . Psychic Rose used to like jumping up and down on their big bed with their daughter but that memory changed when the upstairs neighbor 's father had a very serious car accident and he was lying in the bed that they used to jump on . He went through glass and his face was badly hurt . The neighbors were slowly moving away . Her father thought it was a goodMaiden in the Lake David Igneri served as a lifeguard at the lake for decades and believes an evil force resides in its waters . David was a personal friend of Psychic Rose for many years . She met David because the Lake Ronkonkoma was a big part of her life . For many years , she went to the lake Ronkonkoma and felt an urge to be there . She can relate to Princess Ronkonkoma because in the 1980 's psychically and physically , Psychic Rose did become Princess Ronkonkoma . She was very popular and especially from lake Ronkonkoma . She had many admirers that came to just look at Psychic Rose 's Beauty . Every mourning David liked swimming across the lake and then he would jog back . David bragged . Psychic Rose thought he was crazy and often wonder if she would go to the lake and hear some bad news . She thinks David was secretly searching for something or maybe he wanted to meet Princess Ronkonkoma 's soul mystifyingly . David was very curious about the evil force and it 's leaning power to rise and fall in an unexplained manner . Ronkonkoma the sacred lake since the 1600 's tells a tale of the Indian Princess and her Annual quest to search for her forbidden love . David remembers on July 4 , 1965 he had a recurring dream of searching in vain for someone in the water . Running short of breath and hearing fireworks as he surfaced . He felt sure it was a premonition of a drowning that would occur the coming July 4th . Incidentally , late that Fourth of July afternoon , with the beaches beginning to empty and David beginning to think he was wrong , some of the other guards brought him a Birthday cake . " We let our guard down , David would later tell reporters . In that moment , a boy went under and drowned . The shouts of the boy 's father alerted them , and the 11 lifeguards on duty searched for a half an hour . David took the last look himself . He went down to the bottom , felt around in the dark , and as his breath ran out he surfaced to the sound of holiday fireworks erupting from the neighboring houses . " The lake gave me a message that this kid was going to drown no matter what I did , and since then I 've felt that the Princess and I have been in deep confrontation every summer , " he said . " I try to save the male , and she tries to drown the boys . She usually wins . " The residents believed in her cruel annual quest for a male 's life . Some story tellers simply recognized the Princess as a lingering Spirit that claims the lives of young boys in search of her lost love . " If you went in too far , ( the Princess ) would call to you so you followed her to the bottom , a " Black Hole . " Psychic Rose guessed just like the one in Princess Ronkonkoma 's broken heart . Chapter 6 We may truly become the Holy Fool of legend , wise through faith in the future and newborn through a willingness to let go of what we have outgrown . Or we may be merely foolish and fall on our faces , growing in understanding and compassion through inspired instinct to move forward . Copyright Psychic Rose It 's time to go . When ? It 's different for everybody but one day you get a bag or a suitcase and you fill it up to go . Why ? For many reasons , the biggest reason always is because of just one word " NEW . " It 's when your situation begins to feel old and then you suddenly feel it 's time for a change . Every year we all hope for the new . I think it first starts out with fashion . We look around and we see what we like . The way we want to look . Whether we are young , old or in between , appearance is very important . With Psychic Rose it first was , she did not know ? She had no style about her . Then she became friends with Donna and Diane . She was originally a friend of Christine their youngest sister . She met Christine at school and found out from going home on the school bus that she lived very close to her on Woodlawn Avenue . At six years old , she started to go out and wanted to have fun . The Pete family was a big family there was Donna and Diane , which were the twins , Carol the older sister and Christine the youngest . Herbie and Steven were brothers . Their mother did not like Psychic Rose going into their house because the house was under repair and so the father , Mr . Pete , was kind enough to make us a fort . The fort was on the side of the house and it was a great idea and a beginning for a change . This fort was really a small little house with a real roof , door , and installation and we actually slept in it many nights when I slept over and later on ( as I got older ) got to sneak out with the twins . Moving to Lake Ronkonkoma or Ronkonkoma ( She has lived in each town ) , which are the same but just different Township zones . Anyway , it was the best thing her father did for all of us . Growing up is hard especially when your first experience to see is in your own family . Love was not big in her family between her father and mother always fighting . Her mother was so turned off by Charlie , her dad . One day , Psychic Rose finally just looked at her mom and said , " Mom , why did you ever marry dad ? " Her mother replied , " For security . " She did not understand her mother . Her mom was strange . She will never understand her mother because if she really wanted security , arguing and cheating only did the opposite ? Her mother made her feel that she did not want to share her presence with Psychic Rose . Her mother wanted to be notice first than her . She can remember back when her father caught her mother with Frank . A couple of days later she asked Psychic Rose if her dad asked her any questions about her not being there in the home ( like a normal mom . ) Psychic Rose replied , " Yes , daddy asked me if you were home at night . " She guessed that was a big mistake because her mother became angry and abusive towards her . She woke up the next morning and getting slapped across the face for not knowing how to tie her shoe . And forcing her to eat so the boys would stop looking at her when she walked home . And dad always tried to be a family man to feel wanted and important . She always felt that he had to constantly remind us of that , and that did not go well with her mother . Her mother had a one - track mind and that was SEX ! There were comments made referring to my dad and about robbing a bar and going to jail at Ryker 's Island in 1959 for one year . At one time her father hung out with a bad crowd . Back then there were gangsters . Her grandfather had involvement with gangsters first . She guessed that was her father 's first role model . She supposed her grandfather realized his dominance on her dad when he had to beg the Judge to give her father a second chance in court . Psychic Rose 's grandfather pleaded with the Judge . As her grandfather stood before the Judge " Your honor , I will make sure my son becomes closer to God . He will become a good citizen . I will make sure . Please give him a second chance . He has his whole life ahead of him . " And from that day forward her dad did try to straighten out with strong guidance and lots of lectures from her grandpa . Her grandfather had to become a teacher to her dad all over again and discovered that his lifestyle obviously prompt her father in the wrong way . Her mother did not like that her dad went to jail . Why ? The only thing Psychic Rose could figure out was he must have changed when he came out . She hopes her father did not have a bad experience in there or maybe he did ? She doesn 't know ? She will try to ask him and maybe he 'll give her a clue by his response . She just knew that something changed . She heard many crazy and abusive stories about Ryker 's Island . She is sure that it affected him more than she 'll ever know . As her father raised her , she watched him too grow older . Even as a young girl , she could identify anger in his voice . There was a mad annoyance that did not go away for a long time . And even though she was very young , she was smart enough to know somebody caused that anger . To relive that moment when she saw her father taking the belt out of the closet gettiPsychic Rose wanted a good teacher . She needed a teacher to demonstrate to her the right way of love . She was so disappointed in her parents . She was curious in understanding what this word love meant ? She was 12 years old now and she still did not know . She never saw it or at least in the correct way . She was looking for sophistication . She needed an experienced man . She wanted a man that had competence so bad . Lake Ronkonkoma has a big history going back to the Indian Reservations . Psychic Rose can remembered many bonfires with the gang and having a great time . She had a lot of guts to sneak out of her bedroom to go back out after she would come home to show her dad that she came home by curfew time because her dad would always sit on the couch waiting for her . She still can 't believe what she used to do for excitement . What turns her on is a mature man that speaks his mind and tells you his intentions . That 's a man . Psychic Rose had a thing for Peter Frampton . She used to play his album the one she bought and won called " I 'm in you . " Peter Frampton was the first guy that turned her on in a fantasy way . She really loved his picture on the " I 'm in you " album . Boy ! Peter Frampton could not have looked any better with those silk red pants poising in a sitting position with his shirt wide open , which was just as sexy as Farrah Fawcett 's popular bathing suit photo . Of course , she was getting older and started to get more exotic toward boys or should she say men too ? And you 're always worried about meeting the " Bad boy . " The " Bad boy " whom transforms you and you don 't realize it until you 're feeling how bad he is or is it how good he makes you feel ? The boy that you 're not sure of but you can 't get enough of . Especially when Psychic Rose used to sing along with Peter Frampton 's album , singing , " I 'm in you . You 're in me . " " I 'm in youuuuu . You 're in meeeeeee . " She really wanted to know how it felt . She wanted to believe in herself and learn her potential mentally and physically . " For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul ? " " Believe " by Elton John / Bernie Taupin TM Psychic Rose really does believe in love even when she doesn 't feel it anymore . She thinks of Harry and she remembers . She guessed you are wondering why she chose the Devil Tarot card because there are good men and there are bad men . As a woman , you grow up learning the difference . And when you had one , you now might have to learn another . The best advice Psychic Rose can give you is learning to see the signs . She believes in signs . Signs can tell you if there is writing on the wall . Signs can be an indication , a clue , and / or a dead giveaway of what is real and what is making believe . If there was anything she learned through all her hardship is do not believe a man 's words because his actions does Speak Louder ! Lake Ronkonkoma in the seventies was country and quiet . There is so much to learn about Lake Ronkonkoma the history , the pleasures , and the curses . She started out in a Catholic School called Saint Gerard in Hollis , Queens . She went there for kindergarten and some of first grade until she moved . Her first boyfriend was when she was five years old his name was Phillip . Phillip was sweet . Everyday he would bring to school a beautiful ring and give it to her as a gift to let all the other boys know that they were together as a couple . It was also around the same time that Psychic Rose found this Medieval Catholic Cross with her stuff . It was a Cross and Jesus was made of pure pewter from the Medieval times over heavy white gold . It was so beautiful but it did not have a bail ( the loop that you can put a chain through . ) She kept it and always looked at it as her broken Cross . She did not know what to do with it so she found this little small margarine cup and put it in there . Today , Psychic Rose wears the Catholic Cross around her neck on a white gold chain to protect her she had the bail fixed at JC Penney . One day about a year ago in 2003 , Psychic Rose was sitting at her worktable in her office and The Spirits called for her to go to the Cross in a whisper voice . Psychic Rose felt driven to go to the margarShe used to go home and tell her mother that she had a boyfriend from school . She was so happy to have someone treating her better than the way her mother was getting treated from her father . She came home one day to show her mother the Annual school class picture of Phillip and her . When her mother first saw Phillip , her mother 's first words were " He 's not white . " Phillip had a little color to his skin like mocha . It was so light that Psychic Rose did not think much of it . It was sad the last day being with Phillip and saying goodbye to him because she was moving . School ended and Phillip walked her out with sadness in his eyes . Her parents decided to put Psychic Rose in a Public school when she moved to Ronkonkoma . She was a little scared but definitely glad not to be wearing the Catholic uniform that she did not like much . It was different , a whole new world of kids and a lot less rules and no Nuns . ( No offense ) When she started first grade in her new school at Edith Slocum , she felt funny but suddenly became comfortable when she realized she was sitting in front of Burt and he was giving her the answers to her first test because it was different more advanced from the Catholic School 's test that she was used to . She thinks what attracted Burt was her long brown hair because later he sat right behind her . It was so convenient and lucky ! Burt and her became friends quickly he was awfully cute . Short blond , reddish straight hair with bangs to the right side , and freckles . Burt was thin and definitely white . He took an interest in her especially when they both found out that they lived very close to each other . Burt lived on Ocean Avenue a little closer than Linda another girl that she became friends with later . Burt and her used to meet in the middle of the hill on Ocean Avenue the cross street was Woodlawn Avenue and ride bikes together . She was proud of her bike that she got for her Birthday from her parents . Her bike 's design was red , white , and blue . It was so American and new . We had a great time ! Burt was the first boy that Psychic Rose had a relationship with and it was quite different in communication than what she witnessed many times with her parents arguing . Burt was sweet and caring and they became best friends . Until one day Burt turns around to her and says , " I 'm moving to Florida . " She was shocked ! Psychic Rose had just lost Phillip and was glad to meet Burt and then he turns to her and says that he is leaving her at the end of their school year . Oh boy ! She was so disappointed and was too young to feel pain . The last day together with Burt they were at the middle of Ocean Avenue and Woodlawn Avenue Burt looks at her and says , " I will miss you . " And then he put something in her hand . Psychic Rose looked down and it was a sterling silver heart with a heavy short little chain going through the bail . And in the heart engraved was a saying , " He who holds the Key ( with a little design of the key going into the hePsychic Rose became friends with a girl named Linda . Linda was pretty with a pretty smile . She had beautiful hazel eyes and unique lips with beautiful teeth . Linda lived down Ocean Avenue . She lived on top of the hill alongside Ocean Avenue on Michigan Avenue and Linda lived down the hill . Her mother was the school 's cafeteria matron . She liked Linda 's mother she had a mother that Psychic Rose did not have . Linda seemed luckier than her and Linda knew it too . She always felt less than Linda because she had better . Linda would tease her as they were both developing a little earlier than the other girls . One day Linda said to Psychic Rose , " I 'm wearing a bra . " Linda had a prettier bra than her . Her mother supported Linda and knew she made a beautiful girl . Psychic Rose was pretty too because Linda wanted to hang out with her . She guessed that she fit in with Linda even though she used to hide her disappointment about her mother . Psychic Rose would always smile and kept her head high . She was in fourth grade and it was so different at Edith Slocum School especially the classrooms . Every time they wanted us to go on line the teacher would say , " OKAY everybody get against the wall by height and the tallest in the back . " She was always last and Psychic Rose felt so terrible about it . She thought being tall was a curse . She wanted to be upfront with the tiny girls . Linda was always in the middle that would have been OKAY too . It was turning summer and Linda and her was wearing cooler tops and the teacher was talking and Linda passed Psychic Rose a note and it read : Meet me in the bathroom . She saw Linda leaving the classroom and she waited not to make it look so suspicious and then she left . When she got into the bathroom Linda open her side of the stall and said to come in . She looked at her with puzzle in her eyes . She squeezed in and then shut the door . Linda turned around to her and said , " Show me your vagina . " At first Psychic Rose thought she was crazy until Linda says , " I want to see if we are made the same . " WelAnyway , Psychic Rose was getting older and she wanted to make new friends . She was hanging out with Chris . Chris had strawberry blond hair and freckles . Chris got left back because her house went on fire and so her mother moved in with Roger her boyfriend . Chris and her started to hang out in school and then she introduced Psychic Rose to her friends at the Manor . Thanks to Chris , she made a lifetime of friends . Everyday after school , she would meet her halfway at the corner of Pond Road and Woodlawn Avenue and then they would walk to the Manor together . It was exciting to her . Chris opened up a whole new world to her and she was enjoying it . Chris liked to dye her hair . Psychic Rose never could figure out why ? Chris had strawberry blond hair and she guessed Chris did not realize how beautiful her hair color was until later on in life . Men go crazy over red heads ! She can recall one day , she was hanging out at the Manor and Chris kept bragging about changing her hair to a blond . OKAY , so the next day after school , Psychic Rose was walking to the Manor to meet Chris to see her with blond hair . Chris lately was going to school less and less . Psychic Rose grades were very good despite her personal problems at home . She tried to keep up . She took the other way from uptown to go to the Manor and she remembered walking up and looking at the stairs to go into the Manor and there was Chris hanging out on the stair 's edge screaming " Somebody at the store switched bottles ! " Psychic Rose looked at her from afar and saw her hair was jet black ! She was shocked ! She did not know whether to cry or laugh . Chris looked Chinese . Big Diane was like a second mother to her . She met Big Diane in 1978 . Big Diane lived in the Manor and was responsible for the cleaning of all three - floor levels of the Manor 's bathrooms , one - room apartments , studios , and main office . Big Diane was responsible for collecting the rent too . She lived on the second floor . Psychic Rose was hanging out with Chris . Everyday after school as usual , they would meet halfway and then they would walk to the Manor . She loved the thrill of going there and meeting new people . She remembers the very first experience going to the Manor , she was hanging out with Donna and Diane , the twins , and the Manor had a shortcut going the back way to uptown . Donna , Diane , and Psychic Rose was walking pass the Manor and this guy was hanging out on the stair railing smoking a cigarette . The guy said something stupid and started to laugh and Psychic Rose did not think it was funny so she said out loud , " You laugh and we kill ! " The guy said , " Is that true ? " And she said , " yes . " The next minute she knew he jumped into his car and started coming at us . We ran for our lives and winded up in the woods to hide from him . After that for a long while we did not take that shortcut until she met Chris and she brought Psychic Rose back to the Manor to have fun and meet people because her sister Robin lived there with Ronnie . Let Psychic Rose describe the Manor to you . The first floor was the main office as soon as you walked in from the side entrance . And onto the left was the laundry room and Tom 's apartment . The other side of the main floor was the lunchroom . The second floor was the most popular because Big Diane was the first apartment on the right and the left was a small hallway going straight into the bathroom on each side was an apartment . Jeanette and Phil lived on the left side and Ronnie and Robin lived on the right . Ronnie was the maintenance man of the Manor . Robin was Chris 's sister . Robin technically was known by many of the young boys of the Manor as being seen with more than one guy with sexual encounters in the woods . Robin and Psychic Rose did not get along she liked to put her down . Robin was jealous of her because she was friendly , young , and attractive . Psychic Rose liked going to the store for cigarettes , coffee , and beer for the residents . The residents were kind to share it with her . She was living home . She was 13 years old at the time . Chris and Psychic Rose were going to the Manor everyday and having a lot of fun . she found out that Chris was seeing ( sleeping ) with Fran . Fran and Steve lived in the back of the Manor next - door . Fran and Steve were identical twins . While she was hanging out with Chris , Fran , and Steve she met John . John was Big Diane 's son . John was sweet . John was 5 years older than her and had dirty blond hair with sky blue eyes . Sid came to rent a room on the third floor . Big Diane can remember his blue eyes , one hundred and seventy four pounds , and a great smile . Sid was part Indian and Italian . Big Diane is Indian , Italian , and German . Harry , my first love was a cousin to Little Diane from her mother 's side , Big Diane . It was Harry 's Aunt . Diane , Harry 's ex - girlfriend , was very nasty , secretive , and wild . Diane 's childhood was unforgivable . She had a mother that loved her and a father that hated her . Diane 's grandmother was a woman wrestler , a champion . Everybody loved her grandma . In Diane 's own little way she loved her grandmother too . Harry met Diane at her grandmother 's house for her birthday party . Harry was there and Diane . At first , Diane was abusive towards Harry for about 2 hours and then he was sitting in the bacGurdy found out that Sid was living with Big Diane and she was pregnant . Gurdy and Diane thought it would be a good idea to go to the Manor and pay a visit to Big Diane ! Big Diane that day was doing her normal routine of cleaning the Manor 's hallways and vacant rooms . Big Diane had to throw out the garbage so she went downstairs and out the side door and went to the back of the building where the dumpsters were . Gurdy was waiting for Big Diane because Gurdy found out through Susan , Mr . Goldstein 's new secretary known as the big troublemaker , that Big Diane was doing her job and eventually would have to come out to dispose the garbage . Big Diane was going towards the dumpsters , angled like a V shape and Gurdy and Diane were hiding . Gurdy came up behind Big Diane and tried to wrap her one arm around Big Diane 's waist . Big Diane saw that Gurdy had a knife in her other hand and became frantic and raised Gurdy 's arm up away from Big Diane 's chest with great force tossing Gurdy into the dumpster , while Diane came out of hiding and was punching Big Diane in the eye and face . While this is going on , Psychic Rose was living upstairs with gay Freddy because Mr . Goldstein , the owner , found out that she was hanging out there and sneaking into vacant rooms to sleep with Big Diane 's daughter , little Diane that had no place to live either because Psychic Rose and little Diane both ran away from home . Little Diane was living with her father , Big John and Aunt Lee , which slept with Big Diane 's husband . Aunt Lee is Big Diane 's sister . Rumor was they kept in the Family and gave the Ronkonkoma town more gossip to talk about . Gay Freddy was staying in the one - room apartment that eventually Harry and Psychic Rose stayed in on the second floor . One day after little Diane and Psychic Rose were done with their showers , gay Freddy was blasting his music in his room and asked little Diane and her if they wanted to hang out . She just met gay Freddy that day for about ½ hour and then Susan knocked at the door . Susan was Mr . Goldstein 's new secretary . Susan was very nosy and told Mr . Goldstein that Psychic Rose was hanging out at the Manor and Mr . Goldstein knew she was not a resident . Gay Freddy opened the door and Susan said , " Rose you have to leave the property you do not belong here . " Her face dropped and she became real angry at Susan and embarrassed in front of gay Freddy . She quickly went down the stairs with little Diane , who felt sorry for Psychic Rose , and they went outside to the side of the Manor and Psychic Rose started crying loudly and gay Freddy heard her through the window and went downstairs to the Main office and said to Mr . Goldstein , " Why can 't Rose stay here ? " Mr . Goldstein said , " She is not a resident here . ' Gay Freddy then said , " Yes she is , I want to move upstairs on the third floor in the two - room apartment with Rose . " And the next thing she knew she was living in a two - room apartment with Freddy , which was gay . Freddy was funny . He liked her . She never really figured out why but they were friends . Gay Freddy was a waiter at the Sheraton Hotel . He was kind enough to take her into his home instead of her sneaking around in the vacant rooms . Psychic Rose will always remembered Freddy 's goodness even if it is crazy living with a gay man . Thanks to Freddy and temporarily helping her out , she met Harry in that same one - room apartment for the first time ! Little Diane with Dave her boyfriend introduced her to Harry ! At the time that Big Diane was getting attacked by Gurdy and Diane , Psychic Rose 's window was in the back almost right there even though she was on the third floor , she could still remember hearing Big Diane 's cry for help . The Dumpster that Big Diane threw Gurdy into was full of broken window glass because they were changing the big main office doors from glass to solid wood . Sid was working that day and when he came home and saw Big Diane 's face was messed up and covered in bandages . Sid asked what happened ? Big Diane did not know what to say because she was upset . Little Diane told Sid the story . Sid left to go to Moon 's Balloon to find Gurdy that Friday night . Gurdy was at Moon 's Balloon getting arrested . Three days later on a Monday , Harry went to the Manor to rent a one - room apartment . Big Diane was showing the room and Harry asked what happened because he saw Big Diane 's face bandaged . Big Diane said , " Your sister Gurdy and Diane did this to my face . " Harry was very upset and asked if he could talk to Sid about it . Harry found out through Sid that Gurdy was in jail and probably Harry would get a collect call from Gurdy to bail her out . One hour later , Sid got a phone call from Diane 's mother saying that Diane was arrested that day . Gurdy turned in Diane ! After Harry heard what his sister and Diane did , Harry was glad he left Diane and was renting a one - room apartment ( gay Freddy 's first room ) at the Manor . Harry asked Big Diane to please dropped the charges against Gurdy and he would pay for all her medical bills . Diane said , " OKAY . " But the State would not let it go because Big Diane lost her baby and Gurdy had prior charges from othChapter 8 Mike noticed Psychic Rose coming around the Manor but they didn 't know each other yet . Mike was curious about her and was trying to find out about her so he used to hide behind the trees checking her out because he said that he thought Psychic Rose was a cutie . Mike is a funny sweetheart that made one comment to her when he noticed one day thickness in her vagina area wearing her jeans standing in a circle of friends whom they hung out with , " Rose is it that time of the month for you ? " She was so shocked on how he pinpointed and made her realize that a man can tell when a girl is wearing a pad . She knew she had to find a way to change that . Mike confessed to her that he saw a bulge bigger than his while laughing . Psychic Rose guessed she was wearing a very thick pad that day or maybe very tight pants ! Now , Mike and her laughed at it ! Mike and Psychic Rose met when Mike was hanging out with the twins , Fran and Steve . Chris was dating Fran . John was also a good friend of his , which is Big Diane 's son . Mike and the gang used to make bonfires all year round so they could hang out outside and party with Psychic Rose , Chris , the twins , and little Diane too ! It was always at the lake in Ronkonkoma but in different areas . Donna , Diane , and Psychic Rose had so much fun getting drunk , laughing , and becoming closer friends . We all turned into great friends with a lot of good memories . But unfortunately , like always , nothing lasts forever . And Little Diane and her learned that when KISS bar came along and was right on the property of the Lake Ronkonkoma on Lakeshore Drive . Mike wanted to meet people and enjoy them . This is Mike 's Confession of back then : Mike met Psychic Rose and he was astonished with her beautiful glow of love on a warm summer day . When Mike noticed her and her loving friendship , Mike wanted to connect in a chummy way . And Mike as a boy , the childhood that he had , was a tough upbringing because the treatment that he received from his father was in an unloving manner . Mike 's father would not engaged in his life as a dad , which Mike really , really needed . Mike did not get the guidance and love , which he thought he deserved . Mike felt pain from lack of love . Mike 's father got involved with peoples ' influences of drinking at the Moon Balloon 's bar when he moved to Lake Ronkonkoma . Mike 's father worked hard and loved his family but not enough to spend time . Mike always felt that his parents argued too much of unnecessary issues . Psychic Rose met John at the VFW Hall across the street from the Lake , which eventually became KISS bar too , that came later . John kept eying her as she sat on the VFW wall laughing and being happy that she was making friends . She felt good to meet people that had a sense of humor and not like her parents that always argued . She hated being home and dealing with the nonsense of two people that just did not know how to be role models . And knowing that her mother was not what she appeared to be when she constantly used her as an alibi to go out and meet with the milkman Frank for sexual loving . Dropping her off anywhere she wanted to go . Psychic Rose would tell her where and then her mother would remind her to meet her back at a certain time . Usually it was around 10 : 00 p . m . In a way , it was good for her that she was her mother 's alibi because while her mother was seeking love and sex , Psychic Rose was seeking communication from meeting fun , caring friends . Today Mike tells her all the time when they get the chance to hang out , still he 'll say , " Rose you have never changed the loving glow that you possess and it is an inspiration to other people . " Psychic Rose happily replied , " Thank you Mike . " And now back to Psychic Rose : And as she became friends with Mike 's gang , she was learning through insight that not all people argue and disagree . She wanted to be part of love and not hate . Psychic Rose was a lover not a fighter . However , she does have a big mouth when she feels it is time to stand up for herself . And her parents learned that about her . She wanted no part of her mother 's jealousy to not see her have a better life than her . Mike lived at Wedgwood Apartments . Psychic Rose used to go there with Chris when they wanted to find Mike and the gang to hang out . Mike and his brother John lived with their mother for 11 years from 1971 to 1982 . Everything was great with the crowd but things got weird when KISS bar came along . Why ? In 1979 , Mike had a great friend called John , which is Big Diane 's son . Psychic Rose can still hear the noises of music blasting . Bringing the sound of partying so dramatic you would become so curious of what was going on inside the KISS bar as you were passing by . The noise was so loud you can hear the evil rise across Lake Ronkonkoma . Especially on Sundays ! she would walked pass KISS bar and wonder so strangely of what is so special on Sunday because the parking lot on Lakeshore Drive would be filled with cars bigger or about the same size of going to a concert . Mike is about to reveal the era of KISS bar and the unknown truth . Mike and Psychic Rose wants you to know that it is not right for anyone to forget his or her past , your future is always you 're past driving back home . Mike hung out with John they were inseparable until KISS bar located on Lake Ronkonkoma , turned head and took John 's manhood away . KISS bar sucked John in like the " Black Hole " of Lake Ronkonkoma . KISS bar ( same sex monster ) is called that because it brought a different Era to Lake Ronkonkoma and added a lot of history regarding being or turning gay . Gay Freddy used to go there too ! Mike and John used to always talk about their future plans of starting a trade together and moving away . Mike and John was girl crazy and liked to love . MiMike continuously heard strange occurrences at KISS bar of stories that would blow your mind . What brought these new friendships into Psychic Rose 's life was because we all were missing or hurting inside from disappointment of our own family , we made our own family instead ! The one you didn 't get ! But now Psychic Rose can say , she does thank all the people that she met at " The Manor . " She is very sorry that her parents focused most of their energy on what was not , instead of , what could have been if they would have not gotten married and went a lot more further than either one should have They say , " Three is a crowd " and Greatly so ! Why ? Because one 's own feelings are not enough to go around . Oneself cannot be at the same place , at the same time twice but Can we ? For some , if we cannot find everything in one person . If you had to be with the same person twice , would you enjoy it and stay ? If it were not enough , would you find your substitute to make up that lack of need ? Share Hidden aspects of existence may be revealed . The unknown truth is told . It is a truth , which is not less than obvious , but it should be understood . At no time is it possible to know all the elements , which influence events of why people do what they do . It tells us that regardless of how close a relationship or friendship is , there is always much that is never confessed . It cautions that you may be hiding your real drives and motives , or are avoiding looking at why you are involved . The element of the unknown or unfamiliar is part of the attraction that taps subconsciously . A danger that one partner uses the other and the abused partner is filling some need . On the other hand , magic and romance has a potential for a continuing fascination , which warns us to look closely at why you are so drawn , and what it is bringing out in you ! Abandonment is a big lesson to learn . It 's very hard to forget and it 's even harder to keep . Psychic Rose had the pleasure of meeting very special people in her life . And in his / her own way brought happiness and sadness to her heart . " It is better to have loved than to not love at all . " I would never want to have not experience them . It 's a lesson to learn that love can come in many different ways . It 's your decision on which way ? The hurt and pain you feel from loss is sad . I believe that when people leave they have their reason . Is it because someone or something fills their need and desires more ? Psychic Rose thinks so . Many times you can call this growing up or is it screwing up ? If you ever get the pleasure of meeting someone kind or loving and he or she shares a part of them to you . If someone opens their heart to know and love you , let them in . Open the door . " A door is made to be open and then some closed . " " Father , forgive them for they know not what they do . " On June 13 , 1986 , Harry knocked on Big Diane 's door on Rosevale Avenue to find out some answers . Big Diane let Harry in . Big Diane and Sid were sitting at the kitchen table . Harry sat down . Diane offered Harry a beer . Harry looked like he just woke up and did not take a shower in a couple of days . Harry was staying in his van by the lake because he left Diane for the last time . Sid asked Big Diane to leave the room . Sid told Harry about the man that Diane ( Harry 's wife ) paid to have Rose killed . Harry asked Sid to find out his name , how much he got paid , and what he was supposed to do to her . Big Diane found out from Sid going to Moon 's Balloon that Diane , Harry 's wife , had a deal with Vito to KILL Rose . Sid asked Big Diane to make some dinner for him and Harry . Harry then used the shower and got some clean clothes out of his van . Harry asked Big Diane to iron his suit that he quietly planned to be his suit for his funeral . Harry knew he was going to kill himself . Harry slept over the next two nights . The first night after Sid got up to go to the living room to watch baseball , Harry stayed in the kitchen with Big Diane . Harry said , " Big Diane I need to talk to you . " " My wife , Diane , did something that I 'm not proud of . " " I 'm just sorry that it happened . " " I can 't change what happened but if I could change it I would . " Harry looked lost , remorse , and had anger . But in his eyes you saw it was with sadness . Harry also said that shocked Big Diane was , " I want to kill her or myself and I am going to go through with it no matter what . " Then Harry added that he also found out that Diane lied that the second child was not his . Harry went back to Diane , after he left her to be with Psychic Rose but Diane told Harry that she was pregnant and the child was his . So Harry left Psychic Rose to do the right thing not realizing that Diane was lying . Harry married Diane because he knew the first child wasn 't his but Diane made him believe that the second child was his . It was a Friday night and Sid stayed home because Harry and JHarry got up at 9 : 00 a . m . on June 15 , and ate his breakfast went to the store with Sid and then left to go pick up his kids to go to his mother - in - law for his Father 's Day dinner . Harry said , " Thank you Diane for ironing my suit " and left . Big Diane 's last words are , " Harry killed himself to PROTECT PSYCHIC ROSE . " Big Diane was crying as she told her confession and feeling relieved to let it go while Psychic Rose was taking her home . She turned to look at Diane as she was crying with her head down and constantly repeating several times , " Diane gave Vito only half the money , she only gave him half the money ! " Psychic Rose did not know what to say except she went through a great deal of pain because of it . Rose fought for her life that day , Good Friday , It was a big secret that Big Diane kept from Psychic Rose for a long time . Big Diane died recently . Harry did LOVE Psychic Rose so much that he killed himself to save her life ! Harry took his life because he knew and always feared that Diane would do something terrible to Psychic Rose . Diane was involved and lived across the street from Saint Joseph Church in Ronkonkoma , NY . Psychic Rose is here today because of Harry ! Tony Petti was her real biological father and Sophie was her Aunt , which is Tony 's older sister , she was pregnant at the same time my mother Frances was pregnant too ! I , Ann Marie Conti will always treasure the special memories we shared . She knows , today , Harry would be very PROUD OF HER . She always knew that Harry was THE ONE . Sorry seems to be the hardest word by Elton John / Bernie Taupin |
This is a story for the Halloween contest over at FridayFlash . org . The rules are pretty simple : " Write a short piece of flash fiction , 500 words or less , that incorporate the title of your chosen [ horror ] flick . " In other words , I had to pick the title of a horror movie and put each word of that title in the story - just not all together . The fun part : guess what the movie is ! Warren couldn 't help looking around Hal 's bathroom when he got out of the shower . The place was cluttered with countless … things . Miscellaneous tchotchkes , like the little painted doll heads that were lined up in a row above the door , or a framed magazine ad for cologne that hung above the toilet and which had several cartoons drawn on sticky notes stuck to it . There were Mardi Gras beads hanging off the hook on the door and a little bowl of marbles on the toilet tank . Some of it was probably stolen , like the Denny 's sign that read , Por favor lavarse los manos ante de salir that was pasted in the corner of the mirror . Ever obedient , Warren washed his hands , adjusted the towel around his waist , and went out into the apartment . The bedroom was the same as the bathroom , only larger . The bookcase probably held more miscellaneous knickknacks than it did books , and he 'd had trouble the night before finding his way through the stacks of stuff that were on the floor . If it all weren 't so interesting , he would have to leave . No one wants to date a hoarder . Not that Warren was feeling too secure in his dating habits right now as it was . The thoughts he 'd tried to wash away in the shower were back , and they made his stomach hurt . " You okay ? " Hal asked . He was lying on the bed , barely covered by a thin sheet , and for all that it covered him , it didn 't really hide anything . He stretched like a cat , and Warren had to look away for a moment . There were things to do , he had to go to work , and if he watched Hal stretch , then none of that would get done . Of course , that was really part of the problem . He sat down on the edge of the bed and said , " Hal . I think we should talk . " " No , no , " Warren said . " It 's just … " He shrugged , and a moment later felt a hand on his shoulder . " I just want to know where this is going , you know ? " He patted the bed . " I mean , this is fun and all , but still . " He turned around , and saw his own concern mirrored in Hal 's face , and that gave him some measure of hope . Perhaps Hal the collector was willing to give him a chance . " Where do we go from here , Hal ? What do we tell people ? " They sat in silence for a little while . " I don 't know , " Hal finally said . " I guess we just have to trust to fate on this one . " He knelt upright on the bed and held Warren close . Warren let himself lay back in his cousin 's arms , and felt the tingle of skin contact . " Some things just … happen . " Warren nodded . " Fate , " he said . " Right . " And it was then that he knew that this - whatever it was - wasn 't going to last . On the last day of each month , I 'll take a story from the previous month , clean it up a little , see if I can make it better than the first time it appeared , and post it up . This time I 'm taking another look at A New World from Day 76 , wherein a man comes back from some time in a mental hospital in order to deal with delusions of a fantasy world - only to realize that it was real . I didn 't make any radical changes to it , but just put in a few sentences here and there to fill in some cracks . It 's an idea I 've had in my head for a while , so I want to figure out how to do it well . Adam let the door swing open and stood on the front step , looking into his house . His sister had kept it in good shape for him while he was … away . He wasn 't sure how long he 'd been gone , though . A few months in the hospital , but the time before that was indistinct . Cloudy . He touched that space in his memory like it was a sprained ankle , a bone - deep bruise , and then left it alone . He stepped inside and took a deep breath . The air smelled dry and flat , unused . He dropped his suitcase by the door , which he then shut and locked . The lights seemed too bright , but they were still working , so his sister must have been paying for the electricity . He felt bad , what she had been through . She didn 't have a lot of reason to be so kind to him , and they both knew it . There were too many years apart , too long between just a simple phone call and a chat . But when he asked why , she said , " Because you 're my brother . What else could I do ? " The water in the kitchen sink sputtered a little when he turned it on , but it came out cold and clear . He held his hands under it , letting it fill his palms and then wash away . For a moment , he felt something else . A stream . Snowmelt from high , impassable mountains . A woman , over his shoulder who made him smile . He spun around , and there was no one there . The memory , too , clouded back over and he couldn 't quite remember what it was he had remembered . But it made him feel sad , whatever it was . There was no food in the fridge , of course . It had been switched off and was disconcertingly warm when he stuck his hand inside to turn the dial and get the cold going again . There were probably menus somewhere , someplace he could order from . Even being away as long as he had , there would always be delivery menus . He went through a drawer under the phone until he found a bunch of menus from a Chinese place , Jade Hall . The menus , classic red - on - white printing , had a great sinuous dragon flowing across the top , and he found himself staring at it , unable to move , unable to look away . A voice came to him from the depths of his battered and broken memory , and it was terrifying . It resonated like a funeral bell the size of the world and held nothing but contempt for him and everyone else in creation . Adam felt a sudden pain in his arm , like someone had set a burning iron against it . He howled and grabbed at his sleeve , nearly tearing it off as he ran back to the sink to hold his arm under water . A sob broke through his teeth as he held his burned and mangled arm - and when he looked at it , the skin was clean and undamaged . The burning feeling was gone , along with the voice . The fear settled into his stomach like a lump of iron . " No , " he said . " No , no . " He started walking around the kitchen , gripping at the sides of his head . " This is just what the doctors said would happen . " He was aware that he was talking to no one , but the silence of the house seemed worse . It seemed to be watching him , waiting to see what he would do next . " Oh , hell , damn , damn , " he said , slumping down on the kitchen floor with his hands over his eyes . Doctor Greer had recommended against Adam leaving the hospital when he did . He called Adam into his clean , wood - paneled office and sat him down , and then looked at him with that weird , avuncular smile he had . " Adam , " he said . His beard gave his voice a gentle , muffled tone that probably went a long way towards calming his patients . " Adam , we want to help you , you know that ? " " Yes , Doctor Greer , " Adam said . He sat up straight and tried to push out a bright and cheerful voice from the back of his throat where it usually wanted to sit like a frog . " I know that . But I really feel like I 'm better now . " Smile . This would be a good place for a smile . " I think I 'm going to be okay . " " And that is wonderful to hear , Adam . " Doctor Greer took up Adam 's file and looked it over , as if he hadn 't been treating the man for months . " No more intrusive fantasies ? No more of those voices ? " Adam shook his head . " No , doctor , " he said , and it was true . He had gone a long time without flashing back to that strange reality he 'd built for himself . Without thinking he had to get back . Greer said it was just an escape fantasy , that it was all brought on by stress . Work , with the cutbacks . His mother 's death . His marriage . Nothing was staying the way it was supposed to stay - stable , reliable , true . The bargain that he thought he had made with the world was breaking down , and the things that he had counted on were slipping through his fingers . And so he had retreated , the doctors said . He had gone into his mind , into another world where things made sense . Where he could be the hero and impose order on the world and make it make sense . It was a fully - realized place in his mind , far better than the world he just happened to be born into . He 'd gone crazy , in other words . Nuts . Wacko . Or , in psychological parlance , " experienced a near - total disassociative state of mental dissonance . " And , after a lot of therapy and a regular regimen of medication , Adam knew that they were right . They had to be . He 'd gone off the deep end , lost his marbles , and when they found him in that field , laughing and crying at the same time , well , how else could you explain it ? What other explanation could there possibly be ? That he had gone to another world ? That he had become some kind of fantasy hero , battling dragons and saving princesses ? It made no sense . It never had , and when he walked out of the hospital that morning , Adam was ready to face the real world , the true world . The only world that was really real . " We are agreed , " that burning , horrible voice said again , and it made Adam cover his head and scream . It opened up cracks and fissures and gaps in his mind , and it let other things flow up out from between them . A great mansion gilded and perched atop a high mountain . A woman with eyes as blue as the sky on a late autumn day and skin that was deep , almost impossible violet , and her breath smelled of honey when they kissed . Red skies and rains that burned , and great insects that flew and carried people off only to let them fall from the sky again . A blade in his hand that sang to him and called down the lightning when he needed it . " It was all a dream , " Adam said . " It wasn 't real , " and he said it again and again and again , but he knew … In his heart he knew . There was a path , and it was a path he could not see but he walked anyway and it led him to her . To the keep . To the dragon and the battle and the promise . And the field . Not just because it seems like super powers always seem to come with the physique of an Olympic athlete and the ability to look good in spandex . When someone gets their powers in a comic , there 's always this moment of confusion where they don 't know what 's just happened to them . They got hit by the cosmic beams or bitten by a radioactive whatsit or get handed a bit of shiny jewelry that gives them more power than God . They stand there , looking confused , and two panels later they 're flying through the sky or lifting cars over their head or bending time and space to their will . Their powers just work for them , as easy as walking . They may discover some extra tricks later , or run into a weakness , but for the most part , the moment a newly - minted metahuman gets powered up , they 're ready to go and either fight or contribute to crime . When Carly Siminsky 's powers manifested themselves in the middle of softball practice , twelve people died in the first sixty seconds . Nearly a hundred more in the minutes that followed , and if it hadn 't been for quick thinking by her coach , the death toll would have been even higher . To this day , Coach Simone keeps the bent and twisted aluminum bat she used on her player as a reminder of the tragedy . It took Carly three years to learn how to not kill people with her mind . She was taken by Department of National Security to a facility where they carefully and systematically forced her to learn how to control herself . She caused millions of dollars in damage during that time , and it resulted in the deaths of five doctors and seven medical technicians . Her current practice regimen involved a set of nesting boxes . She was to take all the boxes out and then put them all back inside without letting the sides of one box touch another . If she did , an alarm would go off and the experiment would be immediately ended . On this day , Carly sat cross - legged in front of the experiment table . The box full of boxes sat on in front of her , gleaming dully in the fluorescent light . Martin , her current lab tech , was sitting behind her , and she could hear the scratching of his pen against paper . She squeezed her eyes shut and started counting her breaths again . She would restart the count every time she was distracted , by Martin , or an itch , or a thought . When she reached twenty , she would begin . This used to take upwards of half an hour , but she 'd gotten it down to seven and a half minutes with practice . Her eyes opened when she hit twenty . She took one more breath and reached out with her mind for the box . The largest one stayed on the table while the next lifted carefully out . All the boxes were metal , each a different color , and she was intimately familiar with them at this point . The second box , dull blue , hovered for a moment , and then set down on the mat . A red box lifted out from that one , and then from the red came a green and from the green a yellow . The final box , about the size of the end of her thumb , was violet . They were all lined up , left to right . She heard Martin make a note behind her . She took another breath and started putting the boxes back together . This had always been the hard part . This was where she had always failed . The counselor they had her talk to once a week told her not to think about succeeding , that she shouldn 't envision a completed box and a pat on the head from Martin . She should imagine one at a time , the process of completing the task . Violet went into yellow without touching the sides . Yellow lifted and positioned itself over green . She rotated it , ever so slightly , fighting the urge to stand up and view it from another angle . It lowered , slowly sliding into the green box . No alarm sounded . Carly took another breath , held it , and let it go . The green box lifted up and took its position over the red one . Carly realized she was gritting her teeth , and made herself stop . The red box lowered for a moment , stopped , and then continued with more care and precision than she had used with the other ones . It went in without a sound , and again Carly breathed . A drop of sweat rolled down the side of her face and she flicked it away without moving her hands . Simon 's writing filled her ears and she wanted to turn around and make him stop , but she knew how that would end . She lifted the red box and positioned it over the blue one . She bit her lip and braced herself for the alarm . This is where it always came . She took flexed her fingers and forced them to lay flat on her thighs , rolled her shoulders and did a slow count to five . The red box started to lower . Just before it went in , she stopped it . She wanted to stop entirely , to turn around to Martin and tell him that she couldn 't do it - she 'd never do it . The first time she had done that , they didn 't feed her for a day . The second time , for two days . There was no third time . She reached out , feeling the two boxes , feeling along their edges . In that moment , it was like she was both boxes . And she was the air around them , the boxes inside them , the table , the room . She kept her attention on them and closed her eyes . She felt the red box slide into the blue , felt the space between them and a smile broke out on her face . Her eyes flashed open and she spun around to look at Martin . The young man was writing , but he looked up at her through his horn - rimmed glasses and pointed at the last box - the silver one - with his pen . Carly rolled her eyes . She could feel them , and she understood what it was she was feeling , and why she had failed before . While she kept her eyes trained on Martin , the blue box lifted up into the air , and , without pause , dropped into the silver box without a sound . Martin 's eyebrows rose , he made a note on his form , and stood up . " Well done , Carly , " he said . He extended a hand , and she used it to help herself up . " You 've made wonderful progress . " Martin looked down at the forms on his clipboard . " I take these to my boss , and we figure out what to do with you next . " He patted her shoulder . " You should be very proud of yourself . " He turned for the door , fishing in his pocket for the passcard that would unlock it . " Martin , " Carly said . He stopped and turned around . She glanced up at the window and walked over to stand between him and it . He looked from her to the door , and he reached into his other pocket . " No , " she said . " You don 't need the alarm - I 'm not going to hurt you . " That didn 't seem to ease his mind , but the alarm didn 't go off . " I need to know , " she whispered . " I need to know when I 'll be okay . When they 'll let me out of this place . " She looked up at the window again and then back to him . " Martin , when am I going to go home ? " He held her gaze for a moment , and then looked down at the floor . He cleared his throat . " I don 't know , " he said , his voice thick . " Soon . Okay ? " He gave her arm a quick squeeze . " Soon . " He turned around , slid his passcard across the reader , and left the room , the door locking behind him . She started at that door for a long time . It wouldn 't be hard to open it , that much she knew . Brute force had never been a problem for her . She rubbed the lump in her side , the place where they had implanted the tranquilizer pump . With that inside her , she wouldn 't get three steps out of the room . She sighed and went back to her bed , lay back and stared at the ceiling . This was her home now . This was where she was going to get better , and where they would help her to stop hurting people . And someday , they had promised , she would be able to leave . She closed her eyes and started counting again . And she breathed , as she counted , the boxes on the table began to un - nest themselves and hover in mid - air . By the time she got to thirty , they were turning in lazy circles around the table , one never touching another . The first thing I do is wait for the sun to set . It takes a long time , if you wait for the whole thing . I mean , just seeing the disc of the sun finally drop below the horizon is great , but there 's still so much light out there . Red and purple and orange , bouncing off clouds and refracting through the air . You usually have to wait an hour , maybe more , for the terminator to truly pass you by and for the sunlight to be gone for good . I used to be terrified of this . I can still remember running home before sundown , looking at the beacon of safety that was my house , all brightly lit inside and out . I could feel the darkness nipping at my heels and all the things it contained . All the ghosts and goblins and werewolves and vampires . The night was hungry for the blood of a little kid , and I ran like the wind to deny it a meal . Now I stand on tiptoe , a feeling of tingly excitement growing in my belly . When the sun is finally gone - well and truly gone - there is still light that needs to be taken care of . Unlike the sun , though , I have a little more control over this . If I had my own house , this would be easier , and someday I hope to . But right now I make do with what I have , and what I have is a little apartment with west - facing windows . The living room is no good . I put up blackout curtains , but they still let light in around the edges , tiny trickles of illumination that find their way through the gaps no matter how careful I am with them . There 's also the myriad lights from the TV , the computer , the DVD player , all the electronics that we all use to make our lives better and easier . I tried putting black tape over them , but there was still the tiniest , faintest glow - nearly imperceptible , but not imperceptible enough for me . For some reason , the bathroom was built against an inside wall of the unit . So there 's no window - just a fan to keep air circulating . The fan is no problem . It 's not noise that I 'm trying to get rid of . It 's big enough that I can stretch my arms out and touch nothing , which is what I need , and there 's nothing in there that creates a shadow . I bring a candle with me . Not for any practical reason , really . If I wanted to , I could just flip off the light switch . But this is important . This is a ritual . And rituals need to be important . An old book on photography taught me how to make a light - lock : a two - stage entry into a room that 's designed to minimize the amount of light getting in . The one I made is temporary . Putting it up and taking it down only takes a couple of minutes , and the whole thing just clicks together . When it 's done , a heavy black curtain blocks the door to the bathroom , extending at least another foot in every direction . Candle in hand , I go in and shut the door behind me . There 's a draft - snake that goes at the bottom . I lock the door . Again , ritual . The bathroom lights are bright and fluorescent . They make me look terrible in the morning , but they do that to everyone . I light the candle and turn off the lights , and that feeling in my belly grows . It 's still fear , I know that much . But it 's fear that 's been tamed . It 's been brought to heel like a lion at the circus . The fear is a beast that I broke many years ago . The candle goes on the floor , and I sit in front of it . I close my eyes and try to feel the candle 's light hitting my face , my skin , my hair . It 's sunlight , really . It 's sunlight held captive in the cotton fibers of the wick , in the wax rendered from plants or animals long dead . The little sun shines on me , and it 's the only thing in the world besides myself . The darkness rushes in to take the place of the light , it floods the room now that the pressure of luminescence has been removed . I can feel it , this absence , this great shadow , all around me . I don 't know if my eyes are open or closed , and I don 't care . The darkness holds me , it cradles me , it caresses me and it presses in on me . It clings to me , to every inch , and when I open my mouth , it floods inside . " An … an … an … And it 's the Jews , right , they 're the ones who really know what 's going on , right . They have all the banks ' n shit and they 're pullin ' all the fuggin ' strings . AN ' you . An ' me . An ' him . We 're all juss puppets . Dolls . We don 't know anything . But I know . Damn right I know . " The man next to Carl was , obviously , drunk . In a bar , of course , so that was fine . Expected , even . There were few places , in fact , where you could be as drunk as this man was and still not get arrested , so as far as his choice of places to get really shitfaced in went , he chose a good one . According to the bartender , he 'd been there all night , just sitting and drinking and trying to get someone interested in his weird drunk theories . Like that the Jews controlled all the banks , or that George W . Bush was a member of a secret cabal controlled by the French , or that all the white men in America were being oppressed under the iron boot of the minorities . Had Carl known this , of course , he would have sat elsewhere . But all the other places were taken , the bar was filling up , and if he wanted to stay sitting then he had to sit on the left side of a very drunk prophet of doom . When he sat down , the bartender had just shrugged as if to say , " Good luck , " and made his whiskey sour a little stronger than usual . The man looked at him blankly for a moment and he burst out laughing . " Jeezus , no , " he said . " That 's just fucked up , no . " He waved to the bartender and held up his glass . " No , man , nothing like that . " He leaned in close , and Carl tried to lean away . " I found out . On the internet . That the government . " He said that word like it was dirty , like he couldn 't stand to have it in his mouth . " The government . Has been taking DNA samples from children . From children , um … uh … Name . " He stared at Carl blankly . The other man was silent and still for a moment . Then he put his glass down and pulled out his wallet . From inside he pulled a photograph . It was small , discolored and creased . It showed a younger Barry , looking much less torn up by the world , and a younger man . They looked enough alike that their relationship was instantly clear . " Your son ? " Carl asked . Barry nodded . " Yeah . " He carefully put the photo back in his wallet . " He was in New York on … on that day . " He went to take another drink , but his glass was empty . " He called me that morning to remind me we were going out to dinner . And that … " He took a shuddering breath . " Yeah . " " An ' I know , I know that they pulled down those towers . They did , Carlos . " Carl didn 't correct him . " I saw the videos with my own eyes . " His eyes were filling up . His voice was getting thick . " They killed my boy , " he said . Something that was half - sob , half - laugh came up from his throat . " But I know they have him somewhere . In a drawer somewhere . An ' maybe … maybe I can get them to give him back . " He rolled his glass in his hands . " They have my boy , " he said quietly , his words almost lost in the noise . Carl sat there next to him for a while , and neither said anything . When the bartender came back , Carl held up his hand . No more drinks right now . There was a glass of water , a green ball - point pen , and a piece of loose - leaf notepaper on the table . Nicholas drummed his fingers and looked up at the large mirror set into the wall . It was double - sided , of course . If he could see through , there 'd be a small flock of guys in suits staring at him . Somehow , the fact that he couldn 't see them just made it worse . Water . Pen . Paper . They had sat him here and a man in a white coat , carrying a clipboard , said , " This is a test of creative thinking . Please write whatever comes to your mind for five minutes . The timer will begin when you start writing . Once you have started , do not stop until directed . " Having delivered his instructions , the man ticked something off on his clipboard , left the room and locked the door . Creative thinking . What the hell was that supposed to mean ? And why the two - way mirror ? The room was tiny , like those interrogation rooms you saw in police dramas , and he was feeling distinctly uncomfortable . He had been approached out of the blue in his college dining hall by Dr . Eva Bettencourt , the head of the psychology department . That was his first clue . He wasn 't a psych major , so there was no reason she should have even known his name , much less where he was at any given time . She had approached him , passing by several other tables to get there . " Mister Ingram , " she said . " I need you to sign this . " She slapped a form down in front of him . She blinked and resettled her glasses . " Mister Ingram , " she said again , " I can 't stress this enough . This is very important . " She had a British tone to her voice , slurring out her " r " sounds . With her flat American " a " it just sounded weird . She took the glasses off . " Mister . Ingram . " Dr . Bettencourt steepled her fingers in front of her . " I have spoken to your advisor . Dr . Keniston informed me that you would be an ideal subject for a study I am doing . " She smiled , and it looked like she 'd practiced . " Your participation is essential . " Nicholas leaned back . " There 's about a hundred other students in here right now . Why me ? " And why had she gone to Keniston ? A question for later . " But I want you , " she said . He snickered , and it took a moment before she blushed . " To be in this study , " she finished . She sat down across the table from him . " Your advisor tells me that you 're one of the most creative writers she 's seen come through her class in a long time . " Nicholas arched an eyebrow , but didn 't interrupt . " She showed me some of your stories and poetry , and I have to say that I was impressed . Your use of imagery and metaphor show a clearly dominant right hemisphere , signs of very creative thinking . I 'm doing some research in that field , and as soon as I read your stories , I knew that you were someone who had to be involved . " " Does it matter ? Mister Ingram , with your help , I could make some clear advances in my research . " She slid the form over to him and took a pen from her pocket . " Do the right thing . " " Sold . " He yanked the pen from her hand and signed the form . She took the top copy , handed the carbon to him , and told him to be at the psychology center on Saturday at noon . Without another word , she stood up and stalked out of the dining hall . Whatever he expected of a creativity study , what he found at the psych center wasn 't it . He had to have a medical exam , which included drawing blood , a chest x - ray , and an EKG reading . He asked what it was for , and they just said , " Standard procedure . " They wouldn 't say anything else , except to ask some very personal questions , give him instructions and tell him when to put his clothes back on . He didn 't see Dr . Bettencourt anywhere , but he was pretty sure she was watching . When the physical was over , he was sent into another room , where he was shown images and asked to say whether he liked them or didn 't like them . Some - the kitten , the girl in a bikini , the rainbow - he liked . Others - the pit bull , the President , the tsunami - he didn 't . There were about two hundred of these , and he was asked to do them as fast as possible . A guy in a white coat , carrying a clipboard , made some notes and then wordlessly led him to the next room . This test was followed by another , wherein he had to fit geometric shapes together to form a specific pattern . It was accompanied by a ticking clock and a digital timer that noted how long it was taking for him to finish . When he finally made the shape - what looked like a duck in a sombrero - the guy in the white coat took him to the tiny room , read him his instructions , and left him there . He folded the piece of paper twice , laid it over the top of the glass , and quickly flipped it over . A little water slipped out before he was able to set it down on the table again , but most of it stayed inside . He slid the paper out from under the glass , crumpled it up , and tossed it at the mirror . " When do I get my hundred bucks ? " he yelled . There was silence for a minute or two . Then a speaker in the ceiling crackled to life . " Thank you , Mister Ingram , " a man said . " Please see the receptionist on your way out . " The door popped open . The hell ? Nicholas stood and went to the door . He pulled it open slowly . " I 've seen this movie , " he muttered . He waited , counting to ten , and then stuck his head out the door . There was no one in the corridor . He crept out of the room , trying to look casual and alert at the same time , and failing at both . He tried to remember which corners he had turned to get there , but his memory was full of rainbows and shark attacks and ducks wearing hats . He had to backtrack a few times after finding locked doors and broom closets . He wondered how big this place was . The weirdest thing was that there was no one there . He seemed to remember lots of people scurrying about , all in lab coats and carrying clipboards . But now , every hallway looked like every other hallway , and there was no one there . He tried more doors , but they were locked . " Hello ? " he yelled . " Anyone there ? " His voice echoed down the halls , but no one came . He started to jog , taking random lefts and rights , but there still seemed to be no way out . In moments , he was running , skidding around corners . This was impossible . There was no way the facility was this big , but he couldn 't be sure . He wondered what they had really been doing to him in those tests . Playing hypnotic messages , messing with his brain . He could see Bettencourt doing it , too - watching as whatever weird little experiment she 'd set up slowly ate away at his brain . It was a small room , with a table in the middle . A chair was at the table , facing a large mirror that was set into the wall . On the table was a glass of water , a green ball - point pen , and a piece of loose - leaf notepaper . Wynona Mooney grinned over the tops of her cards at the scowling face of Lamont Deldeo . She couldn 't tell anything from the scowl - that was his permanent look - but she grinned nonetheless . It was her best poker grin , the one that usually got her kicked out of casinos . It radiated insouciant innocence and drove people nuts . " What 're you thinkin ' , Monty ? " she asked . " Whether to trade in that eight ? " His eyes didn 't flicker anywhere . He just stared at her and scowled . " My , my , " she said . " You must be holding a thing of beauty over there . " She sat back , fanning herself with her spread of cards . Her shirt was open a little , and it was hot in the room . His bodyguards had been sneaking peeks for the last half hour , but Lamont , as yet , had restrained himself . " I wonder what a little girl like me is gonna do if I lose to such a man like yourself . " From behind , held by one of Deldeo 's bodyguards , her partner screamed at her . " For the love of God , Wynona , " he yelled . " They ! Are ! Going ! To Kill ! US ! " She waved at him without looking . " Don 't mind Ellis , " she said to Deldeo . " He 's not good under stress . Not like you . " She spread her cards open slightly , ostentatiously peeking at them . " I may be in a bit of a pickle , " she said , and switched grins to the cute one . She checked her watch , a big diving watch that looked far too heavy for her hands . " How 're we doing for time ? " Wynona sighed . " Fine , Monty . One shot at me , one at Ellis back there . " He yowled . " And … " She held up a large USB drive . It was about the size of her thumb , black and unassuming . " The contents of this memory stick . " " Glad I have your attention , " she said . " On it is the full and complete bank account information for ten CEOs of international corporations . The giants of industry . The rulers of the world . Win , Monty , and they 're all yours . " The eyebrow dropped . " No , " he said . " I take that , load it into my machine , and it installs a virus into my system that 'll cripple my operations . " He nodded to the other bodyguard , who removed a gun from under his jacket . " Try again . " Wynona shrugged . " If that 's what you think . You can always test it out - get a clean laptop over here , something you can afford to lose . " She palmed the memory stick . Because if you don 't take this , then I 'm out of resources , and our little game is at an end . " She shrugged and ran her thumb along the tops of her cards . " What do you say ? " He sat and scowled for a moment , and then nodded to the guard with the gun . He put it away and left the room . Wynona hummed under her breath . The guard came back a few minutes later with an old laptop , booted it up and gave it to Wynona . " Show us , " Deldeo said . She plugged the USB key into the machine and waited until the file explorer popped up . A few clicks of an oversensitive touchpad and she opened a text file . The guard took it and gave it to Deldeo . He nodded . " Fine , " he said . He dropped the laptop in the middle of the table . " Your lives , plus this information , against your freedom . Agreed ? " She carefully placed her cards on the table , face up , one at a time . Two kings , three queens . " See ? " she said . " And here you probably thought I was bluffing . " Deldeo dropped his cards on the table in front of her . Two jacks , three tens . " You win , " he said . From the back of the room , Ellis groaned , and there was a thump as a bodyguard hit him . Deldeo stood up and smoothed the front of his pale linen shirt . " You win , " he said again . For the first time , Deldeo showed an emotion other than sullen anger . He looked shocked and just a little bit hurt . " Of course not , " he said , walking over towards her side of the table . " What kind of person would I be if I did that ? " He held his hand out , and the bodyguard put a gun in it . Deldeo checked that it was loaded , pointed it at her head , and smiled . " You must never ask others to do what you would not be willing to do yourself , " he said . He nodded to the bodyguard , who picked up the laptop , closed it , and put it under his arm . " Exactly , " Deldeo said . " My men have their pride to think about . " He pointed the gun at her forehead and looked her in the eyes . " I think I can live with myself . " The bodyguard was screaming and covered in blood . The distraction was just long enough for Wynona to deliver a punch straight to Deldeo 's crotch . He doubled over in pain and dropped the gun , which Wynona swept up and pointed at the guard holding Ellis . " Put him down , hon , " she said . The bodyguard hesitated , and she put two shots into the wall on either side of his head . He let go of Ellis , and put his hands up . Ellis reached into his jacket and armed himself . " I can 't believe that worked , " he said , holding the man at gunpoint . He glanced at the screaming guard . " Is he gonna be okay ? " " Probably not , " she said . She looked down and gave Deldeo a solid kick to the stomach . " It 's been fun , Monty , " she said . " We 'll have to play blackjack next time . " She reached into Deldeo 's shirt pocket and took out a small vial . The liquid inside glowed faintly , even in the brightly lit room . " And that 's all , folks , " she said . She turned to the remaining guard . " Keys ? " she said , gesturing with the gun . He gingerly reached into a pocket and pulled out a large car key . Ellis took it . " Can we go now ? " he asked her . " Absolutely . " She looked at the vial one more time and smiled again . Had he seen this smile , Deldeo would have killed her right away . " Now things are going to finally get interesting . " |
Back ChaptersStory Index1 . Harry Potter and the Wizards Debt2 . Chapter 13 . Chapter 24 . Chapter 35 . Chapter 46 . Chapter 57 . Chapter 68 . Chapter 79 . Chapter 810 . Chapter 9 Next Harry Potter and the Wizards Debt by Darkwriter Background : Font color : Harry lay in bed that night as he stared at the ceiling , the last thing he wanted was to fall asleep . The last couple of days he 'd only dreamed about one thing , Sirius falling through that veil and the horror in his eyes when he was doing it . Anger flooded through him , as well as many other emotions . Why is it every time I find someone , who is like family to me , they get taken away ? Am I that jinxed that I couldn 't have any family ? Harry stood up and walked to the window , he had opened it for Hedwig to go out but she wouldn 't leave him . She hooted softly to him . " Why Hedwig ? " he whispered to the bird . " Anytime Harry Potter wants to leave , Harry Potter has to go to his closet . Harry Potter will be taken to his house . " " I don 't have a house . " " But Harry Potter does have a house , " Dobby looked around the room , " it would be better for Harry Potter to go to the closet , than Harry Potter staying here . Anytime Harry Potter wants to come . " Dobby snapped his fingers and was gone . Go to my closet , thought Harry , curiosity got the better of him and he went to his closet and opened the door . Nothing was different . He hadn 't had time to get even his muggle clothes out of the trunk ; he would have to get those later when he was allowed to leave the room . What was Dobby talking about ? Harry looked and saw a faint light coming from at the bottom of the closet . Not bright , but faint enough to know it had something behind it . Harry moved what little clothes that were left in the closet to the side , he pushed on the back of it and nothing happened . His face contorted in concentration , now what ? Maybe … just maybe , he thought to himself then reached behind him and shut the closet door . The light inside the closet was brighter now , he pushed again and nothing happened . Feeling around on the wall on the back of the closet he felt a doorknob . He turned it slowly and the back of the closet opened up as his heart raced faster . He remembered everything that had happened when he met Dobby the first time how he tried to save his life . He wondered if this was one of those times , but the house - elf had promised not to do it again . He opened the door and went through . * * * * * * * * * * * * * Frost was lost in her own thoughts ; she wasn 't sure why Dumbledore would want her now . You did that one errand for him , what else ? She reached up and caressed the talisman that was hanging from her neck . She could remember the day that James , Lily , Sirius , and herself had found it . It had been inside an old wizard 's shop filled with all sorts of things . Lily had talked her into buying it , then the four of them read up on talismans and they each added a drop of their own blood to it . She let it fall back against her shirt . Remus stayed quiet the whole time they had walked down the mountainside . Frost looked over at him . In just about an hour the night would start to descend , she could see the worry etched on his face . She snickered , no doubt he was thinking that he needed to leave her so he could transform without putting her in danger . Keeping an eye on Moony she watched as he walked back away from the clearing they had entered . With a sigh she rolled out her sleeping bag and crawled in . Something to eat would have to wait until after Moony changed . The tricky part of this was going to make sure he didn 't bite her , but he didn 't know that while she had been away she could change herself . An agonizing shriek split the silence as night approached rapidly . She wouldn 't have to worry yet ; he had to find her scent . Being who she was , and Moony not knowing she could do this , she changed her shape into that of a silver wolf . Moony wasn 't going to back her into a corner . Crawling out of the sleeping bag , she padded softly to the edge of the wood . She was hungry the small lunch they while they were walking wasn 't going to sustain her through the night . At least in this form she could eat without having to cook . Remus had finished his transformation ; his senses were on full alert . He was battling with himself ; part of him wanted to go back to Frost . The other wanted to stay as far away from her as possible . The potion he 'd been sipping on all through the day at least let him keep his brain functioning so he wouldn 't be swayed into the animal desires that he knew could overpower him . Catching her scent again , he growled a low throaty growl , she was in the wood , foolish woman . He crouched amongst the brush and waited . Slowing his breath down , he tried to calm the animal nature , wanting to find prey and overpower it . She was coming closer , he could sense it , but what startled him the most was seeing a silver wolf stalk by . Frost you sly woman , she didn 't tell him she could take on this form . At least now he wouldn 't have to stay away from her . Getting up out of the brush he started after her . He heard the low growl as he approached her he barred his fangs but didn 't growl even as much as he wanted to do it , he didn 't . The heckles on her back lay flat once again , she stalked around him , watching , waiting for him to move and strike . He didn 't , he could control the urges . She started back off in the direction she had been going once again , he followed . Anytime he got closer to her she would growl at him , at one point she even struck him with her razor sharp claws across his muzzle . It was morning , Frost was stirring from sleep and felt really warm , warmer than she had in a long time . She soon discovered the reason for the warmth ; she was still in the form of the wolf , and felt a hand brushing across the fur from between her ears and down her back . She took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart . The hand went back and started its journey once again , this time she gave a slow growl and it paused . She felt the hesitancy , but then it started up again . Closing her eyes she growled one more time while picturing her real form . She felt his hot breath by her ear . " No . You wouldn 't let me get near you all night . And by the way , I have to repay you for something . " " Here I was afraid I was going to hurt you . " He slid his hand up , touched her cheek , and turned her face towards his . He didn 't like not being able to see her eyes . Her whole body was tense . He saw a look in her eyes , one he 'd seen before , and she had the same look Harry had right after he lost Sirius . How long had she had this look , it would haunt him , he knew it would haunt him in his dreams just like Harry 's did . He wanted so much to take that look out of Harry 's eyes , now he wanted to that look out of hers too . " Why did you go away , Frost ? Why did you shut everyone out ? You 're lonely , I can see it . " " What are you so afraid of ? " * * * * * * * * * * * * * The room didn 't look like any room he had been in before . Off to one side stood a large four poster bed that looked as comfortable as the one he slept in at Hogwarts . The floors were polished to a high shine showing the wood underneath . A spacious closet door stood open and Harry saw clothes hanging inside , he went to investigate and found out they were clothes that was his size , exactly the size he needed . New robes with the Gryffindor emblem on them hung to the other side of the closet across from the new muggle clothes . To the door to the right of the closet was a bathroom , there was a tub in this one that looked like the one that the prefects used at school , with different faucets for jets of different colored smelling soaps . There were even two pictures hanging , one of a merman and the other of a mermaid . The merman was sitting proudly on top of the rock in front of the waves that appeared to be crashing about him . The mermaid was coyly batting her eyes at him . Everything looked new , gleamed with a shine . Harry went back to the bedroom and noticed the portrait hanging at the head of the bed . It was of a wizard , who was smiling at him . Harry walked closer . " Who are you ? Where am I at ? " He asked the portrait . Normally this would have seemed strange , but to Harry ; it wasn 't because he knew that the portrait would be able to talk . " I 'm Godric Gryffindor . And as for where you are , you are in your home Mr . Potter . " Harry blinked . So this was Godric Gryffindor . His beard looked as long as Dumbledore 's , only it wasn 't as silver , it had a touch of white in it . His hair was salt and pepper looking and was tied back the way Bill Weasley had done his . He had a regal manner about him and smiled all the more as he watched Harry observe him . Harry looked to the other door he hadn 't been to , he was totally unsure about this . His curiosity was getting the better of him , but at the same time he didn 't want to , not sure if he could even trust this place . He stared at the door for so long , debating , then he decided he could do it later and went back the same way he had come , through his closet . After shutting the door to the closet , he lay back on his bead . What if it was another trick ? What if it was something that Voldemort wanted him to have ? Like luring him to the Ministry of Magic , trying to get the prophecy down . Trying to get something he couldn 't for himself again . Could he control house - elves like Dobby and Winky to do his bidding for him ? What would Ron think ? What would he say about it ? I don 't know Harry ; it sounds like some kind of portal to another world . I got to ask Dad . Ron always ran to his dad , he had someone who he trusted who he could ask about such things . Hermione would look in a book . But even he wasn 't sure if there was a book that would explain what happened with the closet . He 'd been sure that door wasn 't there before . Why would it be now ? While he had no one to ask , no one to help him find his way . His mind wondered back onto Sirius . Wouldn 't he have inherited Sirius 's house ? There 's no way that was Sirius 's house . Sirius 's house looked like the place Voldemort would have relished to have . The place that he would have been able to brew deep , dark magic in . Not even after all the cleaning they did on the house last summer , there is no way that would be that house . This house looked new , well at least the part he had seen of it anyway . More questions , why was his life always filled with more questions ; when was he ever going to finally get some answers . Sleep finally settled over him , but it wasn 't restful , now he dreamed about a house that had strings attached to it . Harry woke up to pounding on his door and shouting from Uncle Vernon , " Boy we 'll be gone all day and won 't be home till supper . Stay in your room . " Harry saw some bread and cheese that had been passed through the cat flap of the door . He had so much food passed through the cat flap it wasn 't even funny anymore . His Aunt and Uncle thought he would destroy the house while they were gone . This was why he was always locked in his room , before he had started going to Hogwarts he 'd stay with Mrs . Figg . He found out last summer that Mrs . Figg was a squib , this was a person who was born to magical parents but had no magical ability themselves . He had also found out that Dumbledore had him followed so he wouldn 't use magic if he needed rescuing . The problem was he did use magic last summer because his life and his cousin 's life had depended on it . Harry shivered just a bit as he recalled the dementor 's attack on him and his cousin . He wasn 't some child that had to be looked after anymore , he had found out that now he had to either be murdered or become a murderer in order for his life to be safe . Harry went over and grabbed the food ; he broke off half the bread and put it into Hedwig 's cage . She hadn 't gone hunting , and he knew when she woke again she would feel hungry . After eating , Harry became thirsty ; Uncle Vernon didn 't put anything through the door for him to drink . For that matter he didn 't even let him out to go to the bathroom . Looking back at the closet door he made up his mind , he was going exploring . If nothing more , he would just stay in that one room for right now . Pulling out his wand that he had hidden under his pillow he proceeded to the closet . Same as last night he was met with the bedroom from the other house . He first went to the bathroom , taking care of his thirst while he was in there . Next he took a bath , not a long one , because he didn 't want anyone sneaking up on him in this situation . Going to the closet he changed his dirty clothes for some clean muggle ones that was there . He was shocked at how well they fit him , not to long or baggy , the way his hand - me - down clothes came from Dudley . Harry went to the bed and sat down on it , he was right , it was as comfortable as the one at Hogwarts . He got down on the floor and looked under the bed , he didn 't find anything . Next he opened the nightstand by it . He found some parchment , a quill , and a bottle of ink . The portrait of Godric Gryffindor was grinning at him from ear to ear . " That would be Fuscienne Raffaella Octavia Sebastion Thomyris . That 's all I 've known her by , this used to be her room . She would tell me all about being in Gryffindor when she went to school there . " " Well , my dear boy , I only tell you what I know , the house is yours and she used to live here . If you 'll excuse me , I need to visit some of my friends now . " Harry watched as Godric Gryffindor walked out of his painting . * * * * * * * * * * * * * " What are you so afraid of ? " Remus asked her . It 's time to come out of hiding for good my dear , not just the one time I asked you to do something for me not so long ago , and I 'm calling on a wizard 's debt owed to me . No dear , not me , but you owe it to someone else and I 'm calling on that . I have the ability to do it , because I took one debt owed to him away . I need you to come to Hogwarts this year ; there is a vacancy for Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher , and you will be helping that teacher . Remus wouldn 't come back unless I put safe guards around the situation . I informed him that you would be able to keep the students safe , while he is in that ever state of wildness on the full moon , and that you could sub for him during those times . This is not an interview for this position , it 's a command . Frost glared at Remus , " You knew . You knew all about this . I can 't go back . I 'm supposed to be dead . Dead people don 't come back from the grave . " Frost slapped him on the arm , " You big git . " She turned around and stalked around the camp rambling to no one in particular , " how ? How for the love of Merlin did he get that debt ? Oh , who am I kidding , this is Dumbledore we are talking about . Hell ! " She stopped and covered her mouth . She looked at Remus with his bemused smile on his face . She remembered the last words said from the wizard that her debt was owed to . He 'd never claim it ; the only way he would was if hell froze over . " I think hell just froze over . " * * * * * * * * * * * * * It was now a full week that Harry had been back at Privet Drive . Going against his Uncle Vernon , Harry ended up writing to Ron and Hermione , he didn 't want them to worry about him . Hermione had already completed three of the holiday assignments the teachers had given them . Ron said he hadn 't even started , and that his mum and dad were away a lot with business from the order . Ron couldn 't give him any information on Voldemort because he didn 't have any . Hermione constantly had asked him whether or not he was working on trying to achieve Occlumency , but Harry didn 't bother to tell her that in the house he found a book on it . Professor Snape really did try to teach him , but he went about it the wrong way , at least now he understood what he was supposed to have done in the first place . Besides he had found the house that he was supposed to own rather intriguing . Daily he was making new discoveries about the house . The biggest discover he had found happened to be outside surrounding the property . There was some type of invisible force around the house , try as he might , he couldn 't walk through it , Hedwig couldn 't even fly through it . In the library room , at least that was what he called it , because the whole room was stuffed , with nothing but books . Harry had found a diary , it was leather bound and looked a lot like the Riddle diary had , but it had Miss Thomyris on it . It took him a day to figure out how to open it , well him and Godric 's painting , Godric thought it would be a fun quest to find the treasures of the book . Harry went on and on , so did Godric . " This is stupid . Fuscienne your stupid , " Harry said to the diary , his frustration getting the better of him . " September 1st , Fuscienne Thomyris , well , I made it . The feast was rather interesting . Headmaster Dumbledore said no one was allowed to go into the forest . And I got sorted into Gryffindor , Lily Evens is one of my room mates , so are three other girls , but they seemed kind of snobbish . I don 't know how they ended up in this room . Lily was nice , she told me all about her home , about living with muggles , we laughed and joked around . No one had a clue what most of the stuff we talked about was . I 'm from a muggle family myself . But my parents died before they found out , and I was living in an orphanage , until , well , until I got so mad I blew this person up like a balloon . Honestly I had no idea at the time what I had done . So I got sent to live in this house for one week before school . Personally I told the hat to put me into Gryffindor , keep that our secret . I like talking to the portrait above my bed , he 's Godric Gryffindor , and , well , I didn 't want to go into any other house but his . Have to go for now . " " September 7th , Oh you would not believe the amount of homework this place gives you . " Oh yes I would , thought Harry , " I think I 'm gonna die , there is no way I can learn all of this . By the way , Lily is my best friend now , we 've decided the other three girls in our room are prudes . They have not a clue ; we wouldn 't want to be friends with them anyway . Well , at least I don 't , Lily is too nice to everyone . I couldn 't believe it she was even nice to that Slytherin boy . I swear . Who wants that ? Malfoy is a git ! And Snape is a git ! There are a few gits in Gryffindor , I might add to , chiefly among them is Alaster " Know - it - all " Moody , please ! Then you have James " I 'm hot and I know it " Potter , Sirius " I 'm in trouble again " Black , and last but not least Remus " Mystery unto thy self " Lupin . Well , that 's it for now . I got to get up early , so me and Lily can get all our home work done tomorrow . " Harry couldn 't help but laugh , he 'd heard stories about the Marauders , now he was going to be able to read them first hand , and find out more about his mum in the process . Harry continued reading the diary to Godric and they had some pretty good laughs , he sighed when he looked at his watch . His aunt and uncle would be expecting him for dinner . He didn 't relish eating dinner with them , but the sooner he got it over with , the sooner he could go back to his room to come back here . Winky and Dobby had been great , he had meals here so what little he did get at the Dursley 's , Dobby and Winky made sure he had better food when he came here . He had wondered why Moody had been in the diary , but found out shortly through it that Moody was just there to take one course , and he drove Fus mad , he laughed at this . Fus didn 't like the know - it - all Moody . And Fus knew that Moody was studying to be an aurora . He had already graduated from Hogwarts , and Fus and his mum were always in the library so they could get away from the other girls that were in their room . And this was where they had met Moody , telling them that what they had written on their homework was wrong . " We 'll have to see if we can find another one of those diaries . Fus , as you call her , never told me half of what was going on , " Godric grinned at him . " I 'll have to tell you what my experiences have been at Hogwarts , Fus 's and my mum 's were tame compared to mine , " Harry told him . Harry went back through the closet , back to Privet Drive . He felt like he had freedom , knowing he could run and escape any time he wanted . Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia had said nothing about him staying in his room more , he had been allowed to leave his room since yesterday , but he chose to stay in it after he went outside for awhile . Even that didn 't give him the feel of freedom like it had last summer , now he knew Dumbledore was having him watched . Sitting down to dinner had been uneventful ; the Dursleys had ignored him , like normally . " So Dudders , do you still want to go to Disneyland tomorrow for a two weeks ? " aunt Petunia asked . Dudley , or Dudders , or Dinkykins , was an over - grown bully . And , despite the fact that Harry had saved his life last summer , even with the effects the dementors had on him , it still hadn 't changed Dudley 's attitude toward Harry one bit . Harry didn 't want to go , Harry wanted to stay here , but he had an idea , " I could ask my friends to stay with them , that way I wouldn 't be a burden . " " I 'll get that for you and you can take it to your room . But no funny stuff is that understood . Go contact them , " uncle Vernon said . He was smiling to himself , it really was a brilliant idea . He would send Ron , Hermione , and the rest of the order a letter , stating that he was going to be going to Disneyland with his relatives . And , he would leave a note in the kitchen tonight , stating that he had been picked up from his friends . Harry would have the rest of the summer to himself , he rather liked this plan , and the only thing he had to do now was to keep Ron , Hermione and everyone else from worrying about him . He wanted this time to himself . He had more to think about , knowing that he would have to face Voldemort and kill him or be killed . The one thing he wanted to prove to himself was that he could look after himself , he didn 't need everyone worrying about him . It wasn 't like he was a child anymore . * * * * * * * * * * * * * It had taken Frost and Remus a week to make it back to London , Frost wouldn 't apparate ; Remus thought she was regretting coming back and trying to stall it as long as possible . It also could have been the fact , that Frost was now the silver wolf form all the time , other then when they had been sure they were utterly alone . Frost was only known as Frost to the Marauders , to Lily , and to no one else , it was their nickname they gave her . Everyone else had called her Fuscienne , so they were relatively comfortable with her going by Frost the silver wolf . They would go to the Order 's headquarters and find out everything . Remus was ready for some news on Harry ; maybe he would be there already . Dumbledore had said something about bringing Harry back there at the end of school to him . But he wanted Harry to want to come , he didn 't want to have to force the situation on the boy . Remus had fully understood this . He didn 't want the memories of Sirius to force the boy beyond depression , and make him want to do something drastic . As the night began to fall they made there way to headquarters , Remus let them in . The house was still depressing as ever , he thought , no amount of cleaning was ever going to get this place in order . The house was still retched and foul . " Remus , about bloody time , " Moody growled to him , Moody 's magical eye stopped and glared at the wolf beside him , " Who 's this ? " Remus looked down at Frost reached out his hand and scratched her between the ears , " My companion for school . This is Frost , she 'll be staying with me at Hogwarts . " Remus had noticed Frost 's heckles were starting to stand up , he 'd known that the first year of school had gotten on Frost 's nerves . Moody hadn 't been the best of people , he had been a complete know - it - all and let everyone know it . " Ah , Remus . I see you brought her , " Dumbledore said when he came into the room . Moody turned and glanced at Dumbledore , " You know about this . " " No , Frost and I are getting along . " Not getting along fine , he thought to himself . The closer she had gotten to London , the more aggressive she had become . " Frost ! Suites her , " Dumbledore reached out and touched her head , the heckles on her back disappeared quickly . " That 's better , " Dumbledore turned to Moody , " do try not to rile her Alaster ? I have plans for this wolf . " Dumbledore turned and left . Frost had left Remus and Moody , she went exploring the house , she decided the place was pure evil , why the Order had to be here she didn 't know . She had seen people come and go , some of them she knew now , Remus had made a point of her being in the kitchen when they had the meetings . She wasn 't in the Order , but Dumbledore didn 't seem to mind when he was present , that she was in on them . It had been a long week when two redheaded twins came into the house . She knew they had to belong to Molly and Arthur Weasley , they looked like they belonged to them . They came in barging into the kitchen and in on one of the meetings . " Enough ! " Dumbledore shouted . He was the calming force in the midst of the rolling storm . " Molly , bring Ron and Ginny here , contact Miss Granger . Knowing Ron and Hermione , they sent Fred and George after Harry . We don 't need them going off looking for Harry now . " Previous Chapter Next Chapter Favorite | Reading List | Currently ReadingBack ChaptersStory Index1 . Harry Potter and the Wizards Debt2 . Chapter 13 . Chapter 24 . Chapter 35 . Chapter 46 . Chapter 57 . Chapter 68 . Chapter 79 . Chapter 810 . Chapter 9 Next Write a ReviewHarry Potter and the Wizards Debt : Chapter 1 All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent . 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It did start out ok . It really did . Then it went down hill - culminating with losing my cell phone . It may cost too much to get the same number , it might be cheaper to just go ahead and get a new phone here . If I do , I will let everyone know the new one . I was backing out of a parkng space and did check the side mirrors - then I backed into someone . JoyAnna said they pulled in just as I started backing out . I offered to switch information , but she refused . I am guessing she didn 't have any insurance , because she sure didn 't want to call anyone or share info . There was just a tiny bit of damage to her car . It did make me sick at my stomach though . Tonight I am going to work on photos for Heather and unpack some more . Maybe just staying in the house woud be the best thing for me tonight . : ) Blessed be your nameWhen I 'm found in the desert placeThough I walk through the wildernessBlessed be your nameNotice it says " Desert Place " Well this was really all I got out of church this morning . Today we visited a church near us . We were not very impressed . They had all th wording on the big screen about welcoming visitors , but they were not very welcoming . Even when I looked at someone in the eye and smiled , I didn 't get much of a response . Made me sad . We will try again next Sunday . After church we went to the Wise house and went to lunch with Uncle Jiggs and Aunt Anne . We tried a wonderful Italian place . The food was great and there was sooooo much of it . I made 3 meals out of mine . After lunch , we finished emptying the storage unit . I had a major headache so we did a lot of just vegging and movie watching today . A nice quiet Sunday - well , quiet when the dogs are not barking . Tomorrow JoyAnna and I have a lot of paperwork kind of stuff to do . We need to go get the dresser we bought and maybe look for some more shelving of some kind . We think we might go check out the YWCA to join , too . I have to do something , I am so miserably out of shape . Have to get it under control . We went to New Mexico today . There was a Ren Faire and we decided to give it a try . It was really small , but since it was only 2 bucks to get in it was ok . One of the arisans made beautiful masks from leather . Beautiful but really pricey . There were a couple of photogs there - I guess that was their profession . One was from LA and had wonderful fairy photos . Very modern and moody , I guess you would say . We also found a belly dance studio here in El Paso . They will let JoyAnna take here , so she was really excited . Now she has to decide belly dance or ball room dancing . One of the instructors was from Tyler and worked with my friend Denise at Good Shep . We had a really pleasant day . Now we are going to take the dogs to Petsmart to get food - that should be tons of fun . Since JoyAnna was feeling really blue about not knowing anyone , I put out a plea to the other homeschool parents . We met at Fuddruckers this afternoon for dessert . There was a whole round booth packed with teen girls . It was great to hear them laughing and talking about typical teen stuff like bands and school and church youth groups . I think it was really good for her . Tomorrow we are going to go into NM and visit Cloudcroft . Yep , that about sums up our life right now . We have unpacked quite a few , but there are so many , many more . JoyAnna and I went out yesterday and hit several thrift stores looking for storage items . We ended up with a dresser and a bedside table . Not sure of the time - thinking 40s - 60s . Only 60 . 00 and will give us some much needed storage space . I need to find a couple more things . Today we are going to unpack more boxes and then go to Fuddruckers to meet some of the homeschool community for dessert . Since JoyAnna is really feeling lonely , we decided to give this a try . back to boxes Doesn 't that say it all ? lolMaybe right now it does for me . JoyAnna is so sad . I hate that for her . We sent out an email this morning to see if any teens and their parents that are on the home school list want to meet for lunch tomorrow . I walk around the ehouse and feel like I am living in a longstay hotel . It just doesn 't feel like home even with our stuff around . I am sad , too - and I don 't know why . Yeah , I know the move , but more than that right now . Maybe I need sleep . Our schdules are really off . so , yeah , seems to say it all for me today . Yep , it rained in El Paso . It was so nice , we all went and stood on the patio . Ranger , who is not a fan of water , even went out and stood it in . It was a little after 9 and Dean had already gone to bed . Hard to do much else in the heat and when you don 't have tv hooked up yet , your options are limited . He got up and came and stood on the patio and felt the coolness . We needed coolness . JoyAnna and I had been busy all day loading the truck at the storage unit nad unloading it at the house . Alex , Edward 's son spent a good portion of the day helping us . We would never have made it without him . Today , the dogs dug a trench around the patio . Dean was not happy . I teased him and told them they had already adjusted to El Paso and were concerned about the rain ( a big deal here since it has a tendency to flood when it does ) and since they didnt want the house to flood , they dug a trench . I am not sure when we are going to get unpacked . It is way too hot to move . I just checked and it is 108 . 9 but hey , it only feels like 103 . I am going to work on photos since I can do that minimal moving and less stirring of the heat . " Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth , where moth and rust destroy , and where thieves break in and steal . " This had to become my theme of the day . I have so much stuff and very little could really be called a treasure . But there were a few things . . . We were doing great unloading the truck . I had been up since 5 and I was tired . Dean was hurrying to get the last few boxes off the truck so he could get to work at a decent time . I was in the house and he had a stack of boxes on the dolly . A wheel hit the ramp and the boxes bounced and tumbled . I heard glass shatter . I rushed to the door to see a pile of boxes . A broken lid revealed which box it was . Only one thing in there really mattered to me . It was a beautiful crystal bowl I had been given on my wedding day by a cousin . It was one of my favorite things . It had been carted to all th different places we lived and held a place of honor in each one . I sat on the floor and moved away the debris . I looked up at JoyAnna when I saw the familar shape wrapped in the bubble wap and paper . I told her that was the only thing that mattered in the box . She picked it up and it fell apart - so did I . I cried and cried and cried . Dean was very apologetic . I knew it was not his fault . I knew it was just something that happened . I had wrapped it well . It was cushioned in several sheets of bubble wrap and then wrapped in heavy paper . It just didn 't survive the fall from the height . I had to keep reminding myself that it was just a thing . Not a person or even a pet . I have the memories of the bowl . I even have a photo of me opening the bowl on my wedding day . Please let dogs sleep late would be better , but it didn 't have the same ring to it . 5 : 00 am - yep - barking dogs awaken the weary movers . 5 : 05 am - " Pam , they won 't quit playing long enough to take care of business , so I put them back to bed . " 5 : 06 am - Barking dogs again " Argh , I 'll just get up with them myself . " 5 : 07 am - I was sitting on the patio step relaxing and watching the dogs run zig zags in the yard . Ranger , of course is the fastest . Dazzle would try to keep up but Razzle would pull her tail and hold her back . They really love the new yard . It was so peaceful to watch the ski begin to lighten and hear the birds singing . understatement of a lifetime . About 100 miles out of El Paso , folks started calling to check on us . " We are doing great . " " Making good time . " and several more positive statements came from the 3 weary travelers . And . . . then . . . it hit . Not all of a sudden or anything , but man , when it hit - it hit . The state of Texas allows you to drive 80 mph out in the far west between El Paso and the ends of th earth . That , however , is not possible when you ar dealing with 60mph cross winds . It was blowing my car , so I was thankful I was not in the truck . We slowed to a crawl delaying our arrival in El Paso . Had I not been so tired and ready to crawl into bed , I would have stopped and taken photos of the majesty that was the scenery . I marveled at the creation all around me . The ski was an everchanging plethera of colors and textures . Beautiful . The wind really caused the gas gauge to drop . We pulled into a gas station on the far , far east of EP . We fought our way into the building to use the bathroom . I asked the man behind the counter if it was always this windy . He laughed . . and laughed . Finally , he said , " no , it has not blown like this in a couple of months . " Wow , makes me look forward to spring . Not . Dean was leaning against the truck when I came out - I think he was trying to no be blown away . He grinned really big . I screamed at him ( just so I could be heard over the wind ) " I love you . " He laughed and yelled back , " welcome to El Paso . " oh what a day . We headed off in grand style . Dean in a 17ft uhaul pulling an 8ft trailer - loaded to the brim . In the cab , was the cat in a kennel , her litter box , and a variety of things including my bamboo plant . Me and JoyAnna in my car - loaded to the brim . 3 dogs in the back seat , Joy Anna and all of her ' stuff ' in the front seat , the trunk with the kennel and a million other things . It wasn 't very many miles until Dazzle got scared of the construction area bumps and jumped into the front seat with JoyAnna . There she decided to spend the next 750 plus miles . She didn 't even like the sound of the blinker . Thank goodness for puppy valium . We all did amazingly well on needing to stop until we needed gas at Weatherford . We figured out a system we thought would work well . It did - for that stop . I would fill the car while JoyAnna went in . Then she would get the leashes attached while I went in . Next , we would take all three dogs out . We made good use of the grassy pet area . We managed to hang on to all three dogs and get them back into the car . Then came the cat . I put her in the grass and hoped she wouldnt realize that the collar and leash would easily slip over her head . She didn 't , but she was not interested in the grassy area . So , out came the litter box , but she was not interested in that either . Back it all went and she would just have to wait . The next time we needed to stop did not go nearly as well . Not sure why in the world someone would see 2 people holding 3 dogs and bring their 's over to visit . You would think they would realize dogs are going to be too busy taking care of the other dog 's business to take car of their own . The dogs did really well . Once the only place we could find to stop was a walmart parking lot . We found some dirt ( we were in West Texas by then ) and they enjoyed romping around . The cat did great , too . She only bit Dean once during the day . She would walk around the inside and look out the window or sit beside him . She would get tired and go back to her kennel . The pet part went much betterPosted by Ok , I really tried hard not to cry . I decided it was easier if I didn 't look at the house . Just focus on getting the stuff out and loading the car . The floors never got finished , so it was easier to sweep them and not look at the house and think of all the memories . Boy , were there memories there . I refuse to think of them tonight either . One day soon I hope to get to the place where I can think of the memories and the fact that they are tied to the house will be secondary . For right now , it is just not like that . That 's enough of that . Bill , Dean and I got an early start . We loaded and loaded . I took off for a bit to go get Joy Anna and to go get tissue typed in honor of Miranda . When we got home , the Barnes were there to help . We ate some Golden Chick and got going again . By this time , the house was not looking like our house . There was nothing at all in the living room . It wasn 't long until the house had filled up with company . It was great as everyone pitched in and we made lots of progress . Sheila and Cheryle helped me tackle the attic . They were real troopers . It was quite an ordeal . We made so much progress , but there was still some that we just ran out of time and room . Yep , we ran out of room . We had added a trailer and still ran out . I guess that means we will have to go back soon . We did have a really nice day with all of our friends and family . We would never have made it without them . I can 't even tell how much they helped us . Saturday night after everyone left , I still needed to go by the school and pack some things . We visited with two families for just a few minutes . That made 3 of our families we saw on Saturday . I sure am going to miss all my kids from school . I did not do nearly as well not crying today with all the people that were here . Wonder how long before I am ' cried out ' ? Ok , this post is several days late , but it was what I was thinking and doing on Friday . I never ever imagined I would have so many things to do and take care of before leaving . I can 't even begin to list all the things I did . The one thing I enjoyed was seeing the friends that stoppped by and chatting with those that called me . I really tried hard not to cry . I did pretty good in front of people . Our dear friend Bill was a life saver for me . He took off from work and picked Dean up at the airport for me . They made great time and were back in time to take JoyAnna to Megan 's party . Dean was in the mood for some good ol ' cajun food . We ended up at Dudley 's and the shrimp was good , but not as good as the bread pudding and whiskey sauce . Yum , Yum . Bill spent the night , so when we got back to the house we all just chilled and watched some television . It was nice to just be still for a bit . We all enjoyed chatting , and we read Eric 's blog and looked at his photos . Ranger wishes I could sleep , too . He thinks it is his job to stay right beside me . Because I can 't sleep , he can 't either - well at least not soundly . He has to keep an eye on me . I tried out the puppy valium on the puppies today . I used the smallest dose . I think we need to do the next dose up on Sunday . I wish I had mommy valium that woud let me keep working , but just make it not so difficult to pack . I have packed so many boxes for the truck . I am almost finished with everything in the main house . Yes , I am still putting off the attic . I know I can 't put it off anymore . Tomorrow , I will conquer it . I also have to go to school and do some stuff in my room . I can 't leave it like that for the next person . I have some books and things I want to bring with me . Books that were my kids and JoyAnna pulled them out to bring home . Today I saw Kung Fu Panda . It was a good story line . The graphics were wonderful . It was nice to sit with Steven and enjoy the show . When he thinks it is going to get scary , he puts his fingers in his ears . We told him to keep his eyses open so he doesn 't miss anything , though . I think sometimes I am like that . I think it is going to be scary and I just dont do it . I guess that is how I feel about the attic and the move in general . Tomorrow I will make more progress . Hopefully , I will make it with less tears . I think if the house would sell , I would feel better . The thought of having a rent and a mortgage is really scary and no amount of hiding my eyes or covering my ears is going to help that . off I go to bed so Ranger can rest . He has helped me pack every box . I know he must be really tired . Today I have had a million little things to do - like get the dogs some puppy valium for th ride out . I bought these really cool leashes that clip into the seatbelt latches to keep them from escaping when the door opens on the trip . JoyAnna had a chiro . appt . She wanted an opportunity to visit with him since she is considering that as her career . She knows how much it has helped her and wants to pass that on to others . I had to rent a truck and blankets . So many little time consuming things especially when you have to call the truck rental at least 10 times . But , that is finally done and at a fairly reasonable rate . I called the rooofer again today . Told him we are moving on Sunday and it really needs to be done before that . If it had not taken him a month to come clean up I might feel sorry that the dogs have utilized the shingles as thier bathroom facilities . What do you expct when he piled them in the dog pen . I have managed to pack two boxes today so far . More stuff in the trash . I am really putting off the attic . The kids were supposed to do that after we were gone . I know I can 't put it off any longer . I am going to get more boxs and tackle it when the sun goes down and is not beating down on the roof . back to it . . . We left El Paso this morning , well make that we tried to leave . We were in the 1st 30 to board . After we sat down , no one else came on board . I knew there were 30 more also in A boarding , so we started to wonder what was going on . Then there was an announcement that there was a storm in Dallas , so we would be sitting on the tarmack for at least an hour . Well , ok . Visions of the 100s of passengers stranded in the last year with no a / c , food , toilets , etc , flashed through my mind . The temp was already 100 at 10 : 45 when we boarded . Southwest , however was much better . They had everyone close th window shades and turned up the a / c . They also said that we could get off the plane if we wished . I decided that was a good thing as I had been too cheap to pay the big bucks for a book at the airport , but now I was desperate . Thankfully , they had a used book section . I snatched up a book and headed back to the plane . After 90 minute delay we took off for a flight that lasted less than 90 minutes . Getting back into Dallas was nice . I had curly hair again . I guess I forgot to mention I have no curls in El Paso . Slightly wavey is all I get there . Gas was 20 cents cheaper and the afternoon high was about 30 degrees cooler than EP thanks to that thunderstorm . I think the thing I remember about driving here to the Covington house is GREEN . Trees , grass , trees , grass . . . well , you get the picture . The lushness of the green was simply amazing to me . Ok , so the humidity made my clothes stick to me and I was sweating like the proverbial pig , but it was just so green . I am trying really hard to not just LOVE being here in the house . I soaked in the tub already . I really , really missed it . I am going to really , really miss it . The tub there is barely long enough for me to stretch out my legs , let alone relax and enjoy a nice long soak . Sitting here in the real air conditioning with the gentle breezes of the ceiling fans . Ok , can 't think about it , or I will cry . I am not sure how I am going to manage pulling out of the driveway on SundaPam I know I can 't really drive in Spanish , but sometimes today I felt like I was in a whole other world . Consider this : I learned to drive in Waskom ( home of what 30 roads ? ) I have lived 25 years in Tyler / Longview . I have driven some in Shreveport and Dallas . El Paso is 10 times larger in population than Longview . I can 't even imagine how much larger in area . In case you don 't know , El Paso is built around a mountain . There is on road that takes you on a very winding path from one side to the other on the southern end . That is called Scenic Drive and is aptly named . Joy Anna can not do that drive without dramamine . We have had to find alternate routes . One of those routes is the interstate . I - 10 . This morning , someone pulled in front of us on the interstate and stopped . Thankfully , Eric has really good breaks , and the person behind me was able to swerve to the right . Our house is so east to get to from I - 10 if you are going West on the interstate . JoyAnna and I found out today that you can not exit on Resler from the West , nor can you get on the interstate at Resler heading West . Very good information to know . This afternoon JoyAnna and I decided to head into New Mexico in search of the perfect birthday gifts for 3 friends . There is a wonderful old town there that has shops and good places to eat . After shopping , we decided to come back via I - 10 since that would be quicker than the scenic routes . Wrong . We have not idea what held up traffic , but we sat for over 40 minutes . Thankfully , there were several 18 wheelers between us and the sun . When we finally got to a turn around we did just that dspite it saying it was for emergncy use only . At that point , as far as one could see in the distance there were cars parked on the interstate . When we turned around , we passed 3 miles of parked cars . Driving today has been quite an experience . The house had no refrigerator , so off we went to Sears . Dean picked out a very nice one with the idea that we will use it as an extra or put it in Eric 's kitchen or something along those lines . That was the plan . I guess as Americans are getting fatter , our refrigerators have to get fatter to accommodate all the food we eat . I thought we were fatter from eating out , but what do I know . The front door was wider than the back so off we went to the front door . A winding path and up a step and finally we got it in - to the dining room . No way was that baby going in the kitchen . We were too tired to deal with it that night , so we plugged it in and waited until the next day when Dean would have the tools to take off the doors . Good plan . Only problem was the ice and water in the door makes it really hard to get the freezer door off . No problem , right ? We 'll just wiggle it through . Wrong . Out comes the measuring tape . The back door is an inch wider than the door from the dining room . Back on the rickety dolly , out the front door , down the step , along the winding path , into the garage , up the step and into the door - half way . Finally , we opened the door and shimmied and twisted until it was all the way in . Did I mention the fridge was marked used but was still on the crate ? I asked Dean why he thought they returned it . He said " They probably couldn 't get it through their door . " We are strongly considering selling the refrigerator to the landlord . In case you don 't know , a swamp cooler is a version of an air conditioner . Now , I am not sure why they call them that . I doubt there is anything similar to a swamp for a few hundred miles , and the one here at this house does little to cool , thus my confusion over the name . A swamp cooler sits on top of the house and water runs into it and on to something called pads . I understand from my landlord , that my house has the pads that are made of cardboard . Supposedly , these are a vast improvement over the ones made from straw that older units have . Most you know know Dean is a little hard of hearing . Well , we might as well just not try to talk at all anymore . The swamp cooler is not a real quiet operation . Throw in 2 stand fans and a shop fan in order to move the air , and I am certain a 747 would be quieter . Last night we decided to stay in the house for the first time . I am not sure how JoyAnna got cold , since our room was a downright toasty . The repairman is supposed to come by on Monday to check it out . The landlord said that any unit would have a hard time when it is 105 . Dean went up on the roof tonight and looked at it . He has so much experience with swamp coolers . Anyway , he did discover the panel was off of the unit . He put it back and it has really cooled down this evening . Maybe that took care of the problem . If not , Joy Anna and I may spend our days at Barnes and Noble . I know the song says purple mountains , but here they are actually pink in the late evening . The sunsets here are amazing . But if you spend all your time looking at the sunsets , you miss the pink reflecting on the mountains . I took a picture tonight , but the timing was not exact , so I don 't think I did the pink justice . I suppose I will have many more opportunities to catch them in all their pink glory . I hope I never take for granted the beauty around me . Thursday morning dawned nice and hot . I mean HOT ! Joy Anna and I set off to find the perfect house for us . We started by finding the much acclaimed Bagel Shop . We ordered bagels and got to work reading the paper and studying the map . Next came driving around and around and around . I think every street in El Paso is really a circle . Then we started the phone calls from the paper . I was beginning to think I was going to have to mortgage the kids in order to get a house where we could keep the animals . I was even beginning to consider lying and saying we only had one pet - a hamster . This really narrowed down the potential houses . Finally , success ! We called Dean and had him meet us at a house . We waited for the owner to get there . And waited . And waited . Did I say it was HOT in the morning ? It was now scorching . After a quick call to the office , we were told they couldn 't be there for a while longer , we drove in more circles . Wow , success again . This one was cheaper . The backyard left a lot to be desired . But , hey , it is cheaper . We were able to see it before we met the owner of the first house . It was ok , we could live there , but it was just not the best option . At the peak of the hot day - not sure what is hotter than scorching , but whatever it is , we were experiencing it - the owner arrived . Within a few minutes we were the proud renters of a 1970s Ranch fully equipped with 2 trees in the back yard , a patch of grass , and some very rocky landscaping in the front . I have posted pics on my site under family and friends . Well here I am in El Paso . The last week has been an adventure to say the least . I last posted on Friday night , so I will just try to summarize the last 9 days or so . Saturday was the wedding . It was very nice . Heather was a beautiful bride . I know the photographer is not really supposed to cry at the wedding , but if it is your niece , it is allowed . It was great to see everyone , though it was really sad that Dean and Eric were not there . Joy Anna and I both got our hair cut for the wedding . Mine was basically just thinned out , while hers is absolutely adorable . It is short and choppy . Of course it now takes her the longest time to make it look like she wants it to look . Sunday afternoon I went to see Nanny at the hospital before I left to come home . I know this is the probably the last time I will be in Lufkin until Thanksgiving . So , saying good bye to her was hard . The ride home was really long . Me and 3 dogs . Fun , fun . Not . They were not really bad , but I know they are not enjoying the ride . The ride to El Paso is going to be even more fun . It was so quiet at the house overnight . Just me and the animals . JoyAnna had stayed with mom . Monday I was busying getting a lot of things done around the house . JoyAnna called me on Monday night crying . She had decided she needed to go to El Paso with me . That was not what w had planned so it took some adjusting . Billie , my mother in law , graciously went to Lufkin to get her on her way back from Austin . It was way out of her way , but it allowed me to get some things done at home on Tuesday . Wednesday we got up early to get the house ready - just in case anyone wanted to show it while we were gone . Whitney is staying there while we are gone . JoyAnna slept most of the way to the airport . We managed to get there and grab McDonald 's just before we took off . Th flight was ok , but it did get a tad bumpy just as we hit the wind of El Paso . Dean was waiting for us at the airport . We drove around a little and then had dinner with the relatives he has been staying with . After that , we drovPosted by yep , once again I am wide awake in the middle of the night . My feet hurt . For some reason it is so hard to sleep when you feet hurt . I bought new shoes today . Maybe that will help me sleep tomorrow night . Yesterday , well day before yesterday now , was our anniversary . I so missed being with Dean . Even if we had done nothing special , I would have liked to have at least been with him . I went to see my Nanny on Thursday night when we got in to town . She was very negative about everything . When the move came up she informed me that had she been in my place she would have refused to go . How do you just give up on 26 years . Dean seems so much happier , too . That makes a huge amount of difference . Eric is all excited about his trip . When I talked to him today he was really upbeat about everything . I hope he has inernet often enough to at least let us know how he is doing . Amazing thing internet . What in the world did we do before ? Heather 's wedding rehearsal went very well tonight . The food was great at the Italian place . I hope everything goes well tomorrow too . I really worry I will not do the wedding justice with the photographs . That would be so sad . well , I really need to try and sleep - maybe being up for a while will still my brain long enough to let me fall asleep . This week is zipping by . I have so much to do - photogrpahy mostly - and I just don 't feel creative . Hard to make things look great when you feel blah . Not sure what I can do to change that . Maybe just thinking about it differently - like it is a job really and even when you don 't feel like doing it , you have to do it . I was hoping that some of the money would come in so Dean could say yes to the house . That would get me that much closer to El Paso . Eric made it to Rhode Island last night . Our family is now spread out over 3 time zones . Kind of crazy . Joy Anna and I had to go shopping for bookes yesterday . We were both completely out since we had sent most of out books to El Paso . I think I will go hop in the shower and get ready to face the day . I got up early to try to beat the heat in the attic . Didn 't work well . I did get 6 more bags out - 3 to the thrift store and 3 to the trash . Progress . Tomorrow I will do it again . I am extremely frustrated with insurance companies this week . We pay them on time and they take MONTHS to pay us back for something . Very frustrating . Until they pay us back , we can 't afford to pay the money down on the house in El Paso . It is going to be at least one , maybe 2 , before the house insurance stuff is settled . That means I will probably be here for at least another week . I have to be here to get the check and pay the roofer , etc . Guess that gives me more early mornings to get the attic packed . I decided to start blogging . That way I wont fill up my friends ' inboxes with family updates and my day to day ramblings . If anyone wants to see what we are up to , they can click on here . I will still send out emergency prayer requests and the Christmas letters that are usually at least a month late . Today has been an odd day . The roofers were here again , so it is hard to say the day was quiet . I tidied the house and did a few things I needed to do , so it is hard to call it lazy . I guess odd describes it best . I sort of feel in limbo . Dean and Eric are in El Paso which seems a million miles away today . They have found us a rental house . It is more than we wanted to pay , but the location and the house have swayed us into paying more . It is a decent size house . It is built into the mountain and is the highest one in the neighborhood - nothing is behind us except more mountain . I hope I feel incredibly creative there on the back patio looking up at the mountain . I havent been feeling exceptionally creative , so that would be a good thing . Dean is ready for me to get to El Paso . We had hoped I would go out a week from tomorrow . I think now that is pushing it . The house hasn 't sold . That means 2 house payments . The deposits for the pets is per pet - I have 4 because of Ranger being with us . The dollar signs are overwhelming me . Eric is leaving on Tuesday . I find it sort of strange I spent so much effort getting him the money he needed to be gone for over 2 months . I know he is excited . He and Dean went for a 40 mile ride today . I think Eric has now added riding in New Mexico to his list of states for the summer . He will have a long list of states by August 10 . Joy Anna and I are having Pizza King again tonight . Our times to do that are numbered , so we sneak off there everytime we get a chance . |
A sliver of light crawled through the crack in the drapes ; making its way across the carpet , up the side of the bed and directly into my eyes . It was just enough to wake me . I like it really dark when I sleep so I frequently wake up early during the summer with the sun 's early rise . I had an intense ' morning hard - on ' but it was going to have to wait for a while . My wife was not a morning person : my waking her at this hour would not amuse her . I started to turn over and put my arms around her and see if I could go back to sleep , or even better , maybe she would wake up early , when I realized I was alone in bed . Then I remembered , my wife was out of town for the week . She would not be home for several more days . She was out on the road with our son conducting seminars . Once our last child had left for college she decided to start her own business . The previous five years she had worked for a company that conducted business management seminars . She worked her way up to being their premier speaker and finally decided she had the skills and contacts to do it on her own . Our son Todd had just graduated with an MBA and wanted to work with her . They are still struggling but beginning to catch on . Their bookings have increased dramatically the last couple of months . I started to take care of my erection myself , but I was not totally committed . My mind was drifting , thinking about a project I was working on and after a minute or so of half - hearted stroking I decided to just go back to sleep and take care of it later . But first I got up , closed the drapes , and in the darkness , got back into bed and quickly went back to sleep . That had not always been easy in our house . We have three girls and our oldest child , Todd . They were just a few years apart from the oldest to the youngest . Our home was always noisy with them and their friends running around . Now the two youngest girls , the twins , are freshman in college , living away from home for the first time and their older sister , a junior ; was also living away from home . The quiet in the house was deafening . I woke up a couple of hours later and my hard - on was back with a vengeance , insisting that he be taken care of . I took myself in hand and was fantasizing about a couple friends of my daughters who came around to the house all the time while they were in high school . You know the type , cute looking teens with high perky breasts , really low - waist pants that show those hipbones and a bit more : The kind that beg you to slide your hand down the front and cup their mounds while moving your fingers around … . Oh crap ! I was just almost there and now the doorbell has to ring . I got out of bed and pulled some sweat pants on . I didn 't bother with a shirt . I would just tell the solicitor to beat it and then I would go back to bed and do the same . I was tempted to just ignore whomever it was but you never know . As I walked through the house to the front door I happened to look down and saw my sweat pants sticking out a noticeable distance in front of me . My erection was preceding me . I started to stop but then the bell rang several more times . My , they are certainly persistent . I 'll just peek around the door and shoo them away . When I got to the door I looked out the peek hole in the door and saw it was Nancy , my son 's wife . If I hadn 't already had an erection she could give me one right through the door . Nancy was just a darling . She was the ' girl next door ' you read about . I had to be careful when she was at the house : It was so easy to stare at her . She had long blond hair , a great figure , nice breasts , long slender legs , and as they say , ' cute as a button ' . She reminded me a lot of that girl on ' Wonder Years ' TV show that was on years ago , Winny I think her name was ; at least on the show . I can remember lying in bed as a teenager , watching that show and really pounding … well that 's another story . The doorbell brought me back to reality . I opened the door and pulled it partially open . I was trying to stand a bit behind it so save being embarrassed . I could just hear her talking to Todd when he returned and giggling , ' and your dad answered the door with his cock poking his pants out ' . Nancy said " Hi Dad " , and walked right in . I started to say Cheryl is not here when I realized she must know that , her husband is with Cheryl . Nancy went over to the couch and sat down . I closed the door , tried to hold a hand nonchalantly in front of my crotch to hide my condition , and walked over and sat at the other side of the couch . I need not have bothered , Nancy was looking down at the floor ; something was bothering her . I moved a bit closer to her and put my hand on her shoulder . " What is it Honey " ? She looked up at me and put her hand on my thigh . I almost jumped ; an inch further to the right and she would have put her hand right on the head of my cock . Any diminishment of my erection was now reversed . If anything I was getting harder than before . She finally looked up at me , " Dad , I 've been trying to figure out how to say this to you for some time now " . While she hesitated before going on , thoughts began whirling through my mind , is Todd and Nancy 's marriage in trouble ? Are they getting a divorce ? I hadn 't noticed any problems and Cheryl had not said anything . " I don 't know how to say this perfectly so I 'll just get it all out at once " . I patted her shoulder , " Sure Nancy . Would it be better for you to talk to Cheryl " ? I didn 't know if this was a ' female ; thing . Perhaps she would be more comfortable talking to her . That must have broken some tension because her lips broke out into a little smile . " No , I don 't think Cheryl can help me here . I need your help " . " I 'm older than my mom when she had her first . Besides , I came from a large family and I love kids . Todd has three sisters so he has that ' large - family ' feeling also " . Nancy hesitated , looking down for a moment before lifting her eyes back to my face . I noticed she was having trouble looking me in the face . She frowned , " Things haven 't been going the way we thought . It has been two years now and I haven 't got pregnant " . " I know it can . But still , two years ? About six weeks ago we finally went and saw a fertility doctor . The results came back last month " . She stopped , like she was trying to decide what to say next . " I 'm okay but Todd has a problem . His sperm count is extremely low . The doctor says it is remotely possible for us to have children but more likely not . He said don 't count on it , that we should look at other options " . " I haven 't told him . You know how men are about their virility . Todd is great , but he is also one of those guys who think with their dick sometimes ; if they can 't get a woman pregnant they are less of a man " . Then she looked up at me , " You won 't tell him will you " ? That said , Nancy began to softly cry . I moved beside her and put my arm around her shoulder . I didn 't say anything ; just let her weep softly . After a minute I got up and got some tissue for her . Fortunately my boner had subsided a bit . It no longer looked like I had a tent in my sweats . After a few minutes she stopped , composed herself and dried her eyes . I asked , " Have you considered other alternatives ? There are fertility drugs , perhaps adopting " . " I don 't want to adopt . I want ' our ' children . I know that sounds stupid and emotional but it 's just how I feel . We talked to the doctor some time ago about artificial insemination and fertility drugs but we just cannot afford it . It 's thousands of dollars , sometimes tens of thousands " . I knew it was expensive . " Honey , I wish we could help but we are in a bind right now also . Maybe in a few years it will be different " . With that my voice kind of trailed off . I didn 't know what else to say that would help . Nancy sat up and turned to face me , " I know , but there is something you can do that would fix the problem . I have given this a lot of thought . You can do something that will help Todd and me a great deal " . She was talking really fast . What could she mean ? I thought perhaps artificial insemination , with me as a donor , but she knew the cost for that already so it could not be an option . I started to open my mouth but Nancy put her hand up to stop me . " Let me finish . I won 't be able to say this unless I keep going . It 's kind of embarrassing and like I said , I have to say it all or I 'll never do it : And I have to , so just let me talk for a minute and then you can say something " . I moved back a bit and nodded for her to go ahead . " We really want children but it looks extremely unlikely we can have our own . Any options that would help are just too expensive for us . I don 't want to adopt . I have given this a lot of thought and I think there is a way we could have our own , kind of " . " You can help us Dad . Your DNA is virtually identical to Todd 's . If you help us have a baby it would be family . The baby would look like us . You can help Todd and I have the family we want " . Nancy stopped talking and just sat there watching me . I was confused and said somewhat hesitantly , " I 'm not sure what I can do . You said artificial insemination was too expensive . We would love to help you and Todd but we don 't have the extra money right now either " . Nancy did not immediately answer ; she just looked at me for a moment . Then she stood up and reached down and took my hand . " Come with me Dad . I want to show you something " . I stood up , and with my hand in hers , we walked down the hall and into the master bedroom . She let go of my hand as we walked through the door . I stopped just inside the door and she took a couple more steps and stopped at the foot of the bed and turned to face me . I looked around and wished I had made the bed . I normally waited until the morning my wife returned to straighten ever thing up . I looked back at Nancy , " What is it you want to show me " ? Yes , I was that stupid . In one fluid motion Nancy reached to her waist , grabbed the bottom of her t - shirt and pulled it up and over her head . It happened so fast and was so unexpected I just stood there and stared . She then reached behind her , unfastened her bra , put her arms out and let if fall to the floor . Her breasts were everything I had occasionally fantasized while having sex with my wife . I have never liked huge breasts , must be a childhood fear of being smothered , and who likes a flat chest . Nancy was comfortably in the middle . My wife has had four children and suffers the usual effects of gravity and motherhood . Nancy had so such problem . They stood out nicely , pointing at me with those large erect nipples . While I was standing there speechless , staring at her breasts , she reached to her waist and pulled her shorts and panties down to her ankles and kicked them aside . I finally found my voice as she took a step towards me . " Nancy , what are you doing " ? My eyes were now on that space between her legs . Nancy was fairly tall and had long slender legs . When you saw her thighs the natural thought was to wonder what they would feel like wrapped around yours . It was also apparent that she was a natural blond . I took a step backward as she walked towards me . " Dad , as I said , I have given this a lot of thought in the last month . There is a way you can help us " . She stopped and looked up at me , " Please " ? I took just the one step backward when I reached the wall and had to stop , " Put your clothes back on . We can 't do this . Todd is my son . You are his wife " . She just said , " Please " ? She reached out to the waist of my sweat pants and pulled them down a few inches before I grabbed them to stop her . She had pulled them down just far enough that my cock was freed . It was now fully erect and pointing at her . I pushed her hand away from my waistband and her hand brushed against my cock . She looked down for a moment and then grabbed my cock with both hands . " Dad , I understand how you feel . I felt the same way when I started thinking about this . I looked at every other alternative and this is best " . She took a step back , pulling on my cock as she did . I had a problem . Where a guy 's cock goes , he tends to go . She backed up until the back of her legs were against the bed . " Nancy , we can 't have sex . You can 't have a baby this way . You are my son 's wife . Besides I 'm happily married " . I was having trouble . When I moved my hands to hers to get her to let go of my cock she would then grab my sweat pants and attempt to pull them down . She had succeeded in getting them down below my crotch . I had to spread my legs a bit to keep them from falling to the floor . " Dad , I 've considered all the options " . Nancy sounded much more serious now . " This can work if you will just listen to my plan " . Nancy reached down and pulled my sweat pants the rest of the way to the floor . I stepped out of them . It seemed kind of silly to keep fighting her when she already had my cock in one hand . " Okay " , Nancy continued . " It will be like a sperm donation . It won 't be like we will be having sex . We won 't even face each other . You 'll just sort of give me your sperm and then Todd and I can have the baby we want so much " . Nancy let go of me , turned , and crawled up on the bed on her hands and knees . She moved towards the middle of the bed and then stopped , still on her hands and knees , facing away from me . " Dad , I 've ovulated and now is the time " . After a few moments she once again added , " Please " . I didn 't say anything . I was torn . There wasn 't anything I wouldn 't do to help them , but she was my son 's wife . I stood there looking at her . Even facing away from me I could see her breasts , enticing , dangling , nipples pointed towards the bed . Then I looked down her side and eventually at her inviting pussy . It felt like I was invading her privacy . I had always been faithful to my wife . I 'd never strayed . Counting high school and college I have not had sex with another woman for thirty years . Nancy interrupted my thoughts , " Dad , don 't leave me this way " . Her voice no longer had the earlier confidence . I could hear the hesitancy , the nervousness in her voice . She was kneeling in front of her father - in - law , naked , asking him to fuck her , and he could turn her down . I took a step towards the bed , still not sure of what to do . I knew what I wanted to do , just not sure what I should do . I looked down between her legs . I couldn 't deny it . I did want to fuck her . I could hear myself begin to rationalize . I wasn 't cheating on my wife I was doing my daughter - in - law a favor . I wasn 't fucking the wife of my son . I was helping them to have the child they wanted . She wanted me to do this : To try and get her pregnant . Well , however misguided , I was willing to try . I moved up behind her on the bed . Her skin looked so smooth , inviting . Her legs were fairly close together , just inches apart . I put my hands on the inside of her thighs and gently pushed out to get her to spread them further apart . With my hands on her hips I pulled her slightly towards me . I looked down ; my cock was just an inch away from her pussy , maybe less . I wondered , no foreplay , would this be difficult , painful ? The head of my cock pushing against the lips of her pussy and it was as though the lips parted for me . The head easily started to slide into her . I had been hard for so long I was lubricated enough for both of us . I finally pushed my hips forward and watched as the swollen head of my cock slowly disappeared in her . I had crossed my Rubicon , there was no point in holding back . I pushed forward again and watched her lips stretch around my cock , her pussy slowly envelop me as I disappeared inside of her : The lips of her pussy slowly sliding over the ridges of my cock , stretching to encase me . I was mesmerized . I pulled back so I could watch it again . As I pushed forward into her the second time the pleasurable sensation finally caused me to thrust forward harder , burying myself completely in her in one stroke , my groin pushed up tight against her butt . She felt so tight around me . I was not used to this . I began slowly stroking in and out of her . My wife 's pussy had passed four children . We still had good sex but tight was not a sensation I had experienced in many years . It felt so good I wanted to just keep fucking her hard until I came . Then it hit me , that 's what I was supposed to do . " Thank you Dad . You won 't be sorry " . Nancy put her head down on the bed and reached back between her legs with one hand . She need not worry . I was already not sorry . By this time I had no intention of stopping . And if she was trying to have an orgasm , perhaps I could help . I ran my hands up her back and then down her sides to cup her breasts . I heard her suck in her breath and I began fondling her breasts and then the nipples . " Will this help " ? At one point I moved my hands back to her hips and rose up straight . Looking down I could watch as my cock slide in and out of her . I could see the skin of her pussy being pulled back as I pulled partially out of her before thrusting back into her . Nancy continued rubbing her clitoris but would sometimes drift away to push her palm against my shaft as I continued fucking her . Every so often she would reach back and take my balls in her hand before returning to her clitoris . Once she wrapped her thumb and forefinger around my cock right at the base . Then as I stroked into her she pulled me harder into her . It took a moment before I figured out she was trying to get me to go faster . Once I was there she let go of me and turned her attention back to her clitoris . After several minutes of this Nancy stiffened and then pushed her butt hard back against me ; keeping me deep inside of her . I could feel her pussy spasming around my cock . The thought of her having an orgasm with me inside of her was all I needed for mine . As she began to relax I stroked hard into her a few times and then grabbed the top of her shoulders and pulled her back tight against me . I thrust my hips hard against her butt several times , my cock firmly buried in her . Just as I was about to cum I felt her squeeze me with her pussy . Thank God for kegel muscles . I exploded inside of her . As each stream of seminal fluid left my body for hers I pushed hard against her , trying to get deeper , stay deep inside of her . Once I was drained I held her there for a minute , enjoying the sight of her young naked body in front of me ; my hands moving lightly from her hips up to her shoulders and then back to her hips . I finally pulled out of her and collapsed on my back on the bed followed by Nancy next to me . We lay there , both of us breathing hard , not talking . After several minutes Nancy was the first to speak , " Thank you Dad . I know that wasn 't easy for you " . She had no idea . After another moment she added , " Are you okay " ? I thought about it before answering , " " I 'm okay . I hope my donation helps " . I meant it to be light - hearted but neither of us laughed . We both lay there for several minutes without saying anything else . I had a lot of thoughts going through my head , some good , some laden with guilt . I wondered what Nancy was thinking . Was she suffering the same guilt as I ? Then the thoughts of guilt were replaced with thoughts of Nancy 's breasts . How could they be so soft and firm at the same time ? Was I really kneeling between her thighs just a few minutes ago ? I was feeling very relaxed , and might have fallen asleep if not for Nancy putting a hand on my thigh . " I 've heard that the sperm from a second ejaculation is more potent than the first " . Two times in a row ; whom was she kidding ? My wife and I had not done it twice in a row in years . I had to smile , " Nancy , you have to remember my age . I 'm not as young as you . I 'm willing to help but let 's not fool with nature " . For emphasis I reached down and lifted my now limp cock up and let it fall back down . Nancy reached over and took my cock in her hand , " Maybe he just needs the right encouragement . We 've come this far . The hard part is over . We might as well do everything we can to improve my chances " . I let her fondle me while I watched : Her small hand working my cock . When I was almost fully erect I turned over on my side to face Nancy . She had her eyes closed and continued her work . I leaned over and took her nearest nipple in my mouth . It was soft and my tongue could push it around but it quickly became hard and erect . Nancy said , " I don 't know if you should be doing this " . I sucked it into my mouth , pulled back a bit and then let it go with a soft ' pop ' . " I 'm just trying to help you get ready " . I leaned forward again and sucked more of her breast into my mouth , running my tongue around and over her nipple . She groaned and began squirming beside me , her thighs rubbing together . I could not reach her other nipple from this position so I rose up on my hands and knees . I moved over above her , putting one knee between hers . I pushed my knee higher between her thighs , firmly against her pussy , rubbing against it . She moved her legs farther apart to make it easier . She let go of my cock , it was fully erect again and put her hands on my hips . From where I was I could easily reach either breast . I used my lips and tongue to tease one nipple and then the other before moving down to her flat stomach , kissing her skin as I went , then once again returning to her breasts . Her breathing became more labored . I leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips . As I pulled back she looked up at me and said , " Dad , I don 't think we should " but she made no effort to stop me . I lifted my other knee up and moved it between her legs . She kept her feet on the bed but pulled her knees up along side my hips . She squeezed them against me and then lowered her knees sideways until they almost rested on the bed . I moved back to her breasts for a moment before lowering myself against her , my cock now back at the entrance to her pussy . She started , " Dad , I don 't think " , but then stopped as I moved my hips forward , pushing a few inches inside of her . I held myself there for a moment before bringing my chest directly above hers . The movement caused me to slide deep inside of her . I could feel her hips push towards me , trying to get me fully embedded in her . It was so hot inside of her . I thought a second time would be messy , uncomfortable , with my cum still inside of her . I was wrong . I lowered more of my weight on her and began thrusting against her ; moving deep inside of her and then pulling almost all the way out before bottoming out again in her . I could feel her chin bouncing against my shoulder as I picked up speed . Her legs began squeezing against my hips and then spreading wide , as though she could not make up her mind which felt best . She moved her hands down to my butt , grabbing me and pulling me with each thrust into her . The first time I was still a bit guilty and somewhat undecided about what was happening ; I was not totally committed . When she said she wanted an orgasm I made sure she came first . Until I came in her we could still stop and try and pretend it never happened . This time I wasn 't feeling guilty and I was certainly not undecided . I just wanted to fuck her and I wanted to cum inside of her ; and soon . I moved my hands down under her hips to pull her tightly against me and began thrusting faster . I knew it would not take long . I was past that . It was just lust . Nancy moved her arms up and wrapped them around me . Nancy was breathing hard , groaning as I slammed into her . I slowed down and began grinding against her clitoris . It took just a few minutes before I began feeling my impending orgasm . I began long slow strokes into her . I wanted to feel each squirt of my cum as it passed into her . Nancy pushed her hips up against me , meeting each thrust from me with one of her own . As the first stream shot from me I felt Nancy hug me tightly to her and her thighs tighten against the outside of mine and then her pussy once again began spasming around my cock . A high - pitched squeal escaped through her gritted teeth . In my entire married life I think there were only a couple of times that Cheryl and I came at the same time . As each stream left me I thrust forward tight against her , the strength of the thrusts diminishing as my supply of cum quickly ran out . I was finally left on top of her , breathing hard , her legs still spread and her ankles hooked around my thighs . I knew I was heavy on her so as soon as we finished our last shudders I wrapped my arms around her and rolled the two of us over . She came with me , ending up lying on top of me ; her head on my chest , facing away from me . Neither of us said anything for a while . Nancy turned her head around to face me but kept it on my chest . " No , it 's okay . It might even help . The doctor said that position is actually the best position to do it in . You , I mean , the guy gets deeper and gets the sperm closer to the cervix when , you know , you cum in me " . She stopped for a moment before adding in a very soft voice , " and you certainly did get deeper " . After a few seconds she added , " I suggested we do it the other way , uh position , because I thought it would be easier for us . You know , I mean being family " . After about twenty minutes we got up and took a shower together . By that time it seemed almost normal for the two of us to walk around each other naked . The next morning Nancy again appeared at my front door . She walked in , took my hand and I followed her to the bedroom . It was a couple of days later that I got a call from my wife . A CEO in one of their seminars was so impressed he asked if they could give an in - house seminar for his company . The only time they had available in the next couple of months was the end of this week . My wife and Todd had decided to stay the rest of the week and give the seminar . That night just before dinner Nancy showed up at my door with a suitcase . I was surprised . She normally came by in the morning , and besides , what was the suitcase for ? " Dad , there was a burglary and a woman was raped on our block last night . I talked to Todd last night and he suggested I stay here in his old room until he gets back " . I thought it was a great idea . It clearly wasn 't safe at her house . She put the suitcase in Todd 's old room and then we both went out for dinner . When we returned we settled down and watched some TV . Around ten I decided there was nothing on I was interested in so I got up to go to bed . I was pretty disappointed when Nancy had put her suitcase in Todd 's old room . I did not like sleeping alone and had looked forward to having Nancy in my bed when she said she was staying with me . I said goodnight and walked down the hall towards my bedroom . As I passed Todd 's old room I stopped , opened the door and looked inside . " Whatcha doin " ? Nancy 's voice right behind me startled me . I pointed at the suitcase . " I just brought that for nosy neighbors and some extra clothes " . She took my hand and we went to my bedroom . Thirty minutes later we were both in my , our , bedroom , her sitting on top of me , rocking back and forward with me deep inside of her , her eyes closed , my hands on her breasts when the phone rang . I motioned for her to get off of me as I reached for the telephone ; she smiled , shook her head and continued rocking back and forth . " Hello " ? " Hi honey . How are you doing " ? It was my wife . " I 'm fine honey . How are you and Todd doing ? How is the seminar going " ? Nancy 's eyes were closed , a smile on her lips , and beginning to rock faster on me . She was starting to get that determined look on her face just before she came . " It 's fine . We 'll be done Friday afternoon and we 'll be home late that night " . Good , that gives us two more days , and nights . " Is Nancy still up ? Todd would like to talk to her " . I looked up at Nancy , still thrusting her hips back and forth on me , a smile now appearing on my face . " Yes , I think she 's still up . Hold on a moment and I 'll go see " . I motioned again for Nancy to get off me as I put the phone down on the night table . Nancy silently mouthed ' I 'm taking a bath ' , and continued rocking back and forward . I said , " Okay , here she is " and put the phone out to her . After a few seconds she pouted and then took the phone . " Todd ? Are you there " ? As they talked Nancy never stopped moving on me , though much slower now than before . After several minutes of talking she finally finished with an " I love you too " and then handed the phone back to me . Nancy pouted again , " I was so close . You seemed a bit nervous " . " Well , yes . It is kind of odd . We 're fucking while you are talking to your husband and I 'm talking to my wife . Doesn 't that seem strange to you " ? " Yes , it is a little odd . But don 't think of it as fucking . Think of it as you are providing a valuable service , a job if you will . It 's your job to get me pregnant , to service me . I can 't help it if it is mildly pleasurable at the same time " . I reached up to tweak a breast , " Mildly " ? She laughed , " Well maybe a bit more than mildly " . " This does not affect my marriage . This is to get pregnant , to make my family stronger . I love Todd . I love you too , but as my father - in - law . You are doing Todd and me a big favor . And I don 't suppose this is causing you any discomfort either at this point " . To emphasize her point she ground herself down on top of me . " Do I enjoy this ? Obviously I do . But once I have my children we 'll stop and it will be over " . Children ? We continued without any further talking to our inevitable conclusion that night . We also took advantage of the next couple of days before my wife and Todd 's return . It was a week , later with my wife and Todd off again on a tour that Nancy once again showed up in the evening on my doorstep . When I opened the door Nancy was crying . I was relieved . I thought it was something serious . " Honey , you know it can take a while . You 've talked to the doctors . It 's not just Biff , Bam and you 're pregnant " . " I know Dad . It 's just that I 've been hoping so much . We 've been having sex almost every day and most of the time twice a day at that . I thought that would be enough " . " It might take a while . I 'll be there for you " . I certainly would . Nancy dried her tears . " I know you will Dad . I appreciate it " . We sat down and talked for a while about nothing in particular , just passing the time . After dinner was finished we went to bed . Just getting in bed with her gives me an erection and this was no exception , period or not . Nancy giggled , " We can 't have sex but perhaps there is something I can do to fix that " . I figured she was going to jack me off . I didn 't mind . A girl 's hand was certainly better than mine . Nancy looked at me , " I might not do this right . I 've never done it before . I tried once with Todd but he stopped me . He said he doesn 't really like it so I didn 't try again " . Nancy lifted the covers and pulled them over her head as she moved down my body . I watched as the bump under the covers moved down until it settled at my waist . Then I heard her muffled voice , " I think he probably does , like it I mean , but he figures he would have to do me in return and that is probably what he doesn 't like . Some men don 't I guess . But I hear all men like this " . Nancy moved her hand to encircle the base of my cock . I was then surprised when I felt her lightly kiss my shaft , near my balls . She slowly worked her way up the shaft , light little kisses as she got nearer to the head . I felt a light peck on the head of my cock . It was like a goodnight peck you might give your sister . She was right ; she didn 't know how to do this . Was that going to be it ? Then I felt something move around the head , making a complete circle before it pulled away . It had to be her tongue ; it felt wet and very warm . As I watched , the bump under the covers moved to where it had to be directly over my cock . I felt another light kiss and was about to offer a suggestion when the head was engulfed in a moist , hot mouth . Her hand began making small , inch or two , strokes at the base , right at my balls , while her head started moving the covers up and down as she slid her head up and down on my cock . I had to watch this . I pulled the covers up and over to the side off of us . Nancy immediately pulled back off my cock . " No Dad . Uh , it 's cold " . It was way too warm in the room . No way it was too cold . Plus our two naked bodies were pretty pressed together . " It 's not cold . If anything it 's pretty hot in here " . I pulled the pillow up beneath my head . I wanted to watch this . Nancy replied sheepishly , " It 's just kind of embarrassing . It 's easier if you aren 't watching " . While saying this , her hand was still stroking me slowly , soft short strokes . As she pulled on my cock it moved up slightly , ever so close to her mouth . Nancy did not say anything . Keeping her eyes on me she opened her mouth and lowered it back to my cock . Just as I was about to disappear into that inviting interior her tongue came out and began licking around the head in lazy circles . It felt so good I lifted my hips off the bed , pushing myself into her mouth . She closed her lips around me and her head began bobbing up and down on me . Occasionally her teeth would scrape me but I was not about to say anything that might make her stop . That familiar tingling began and knew I was close . I reached down and pulled her hand away from my cock . When she looked up at me with a question on her face I told her , " I just want to feel your mouth " . She moved her tongue around me like I was an all - day sucker . " Oh yes , and your tongue " . I wanted to lay back and just enjoy the sensation but I was also curious what would happen when I came . It felt so good my hips were bouncing up off the bed to meet her mouth . If I could I would have held off for a while just to make it last longer and enjoy it more . My wife hardly ever did this and after I cum in Nancy 's mouth it might be my last time with her also . I should be a gentleman and warn her but I was just too selfish . I wanted to cum in her mouth . I had lowered my head , just enjoying her mouth , but now I raised my head to watch Nancy 's face and lifted my hips one last time . Hot semen exploded from my cock as I let out a long groan . Nancy 's eyes grew big as the first blast erupted in her mouth , but she did not move away , she kept moving her tongue around me . As I watched , her cheeks sank in as she sucked on me . I let my head fall back on the pillow . I had done almost nothing but felt exhausted . When I finally had no more cum to squirt in her mouth , Nancy once again took my cock in her hand and licked me clean . I heard her call me and I looked up . She opened her mouth and I could see the white liquid pooled in her mouth , her tongue swishing back and forth in it . As she closed her mouth a small amount spilled down her chin and dripped onto my stomach . Watching me , she closed her mouth and very deliberately swallowed . She then leaned down to my stomach and licked off the bit that had spilled onto me and swallowed it also . Nancy moved up the bed and lay beside me , her head on my shoulder . " I seem to have drained you of your vital bodily fluids " . She traced a finger in little circles on my chest . " It wasn 't what I expected . I hear guys like it when the girl swallows . It 's a real turn - on to them " . I was curious . She had not said how she felt about it . Was she one of those that didn 't like it ? " And how was it " ? " I thought it was neat . The taste was different though I didn 't know what to expect . What I liked most was the power . I liked giving you that intense pleasure . Though it was a waste of perfectly good sperm " . We talked a while longer before we drifted off to sleep . Over the next few months we developed our pattern . Todd and my wife would go out of town . Nancy would come and stay at my house and we would fuck like bunnies . She would get her period and be sad and then I would get oral sex until we could begin fucking again . On occasion I would give her a good licking but she preferred a good fucking . She was focused on her goal . We came close to getting caught just one time . I was on top of Nancy , pounding away , just seconds away from cumming when we heard the garage door motor start . Todd and my wife had come home early . Nancy and I jumped up and grabbed all her clothes from my bedroom and quickly dumped them in Todd 's old bedroom . Nancy was in a great mood to welcome Todd home and I got to fuck my wife that night to her big surprise ; twice to my surprise . The first time I lasted just minutes . Nancy had me so close earlier that I barely lasted long enough to get inside of her . My wife was surprised ; we had not had sex much in a while . I explained I was just so excited to have her back . Nancy and I settled back into our routine over the next couple of months : our spouses on the road and us in bed . We were all surprised when Nancy finally announced she was pregnant a month later . I had to wonder , who was the father ? I knew she still had sex with Todd . I expected a sudden cutoff with her but our routine did not change , though it did slow down a bit . It had been a long time since I had sex with a pregnant woman . When Nancy reached her ninth month Todd stayed home and my wife went out on one last seminar trip by herself . The night after she returned we were lying in bed talking . She put her hand on my chest , " Honey , you 'll never guess who I saw today at the market . You remember Bill Mitchell and his son , Frank " ? " Well its four now . I saw his wife , Erin , at the market . She is such a pretty girl . She has been really good at getting that weight off after having her babies . Well anyway , she just had their fourth . We got talking and something came up . Before I left she asked if I would have you talk to Frank about something " . " No , she wants to stop . She does not want to have more ; four is enough . I told her about your vasectomy and she wondered if you could talk to Frank about it . You know , let him know it doesn 't change anything . You know how men are about their sperm " . Fuck . Who else has she told about my vasectomy ? " Honey , I 'll talk to him . But I want you to promise me something . I know I 'm just being a ' MAN ' but it 's something I 'm sensitive about . I would really appreciate it if you would not tell anyone I 've had a vasectomy , not even family . I know it 's stupid and I shouldn 't feel that way but I would really appreciate it " . My wife laughed , " Okay Honey . You sound like a real Tim Taylor . You know you are not less of a man to me . In fact you are more of a man to have had the vasectomy instead of my having my tubes tied " . " Sure , I 'll talk to him . But you won 't forget and tell anyone , this is important to me " . As my wife drifted off to sleep I thought about ' how important ' . If Nancy found out she would kill me . Well , she would at least hurt me pretty bad . It would also harm our family relationship even though Todd would probably never find out why . Plus there was a bigger reason . I still remember when Nancy first talked to me about being a sperm donor for her ; she talked about having children , not child . While I was unable to donate the sperm , I certainly wanted to be there , to encourage her and be an active participant as she attempted to conceive her future children . I was willing to give it my all . Read 258572 times | That fucking devious , beguiling daughter - in - law - fucking , liar - by - deception , horny ( kidding himself about being faithful to his wife ) lucky bastard . To think he 's getting away with many more years of fucking his daughter - in - law under the guise of impregnating her ! ! ! She and her husband Todd want many children , and with his low sperm count it is hundreds of fucking tries harder for him to impregnate his wife than other normal men . Todd has gotten his wife Nancy pregnant but she thinks Todd can 't and her father - in - law did ! ! ! |
Jennifer was an attractive girl . She was 5 ' 3 " and weighed about 110 pounds . She was admiring her naked body in the mirror of her room . She had a reasonably shapely body for a 17 year old girl . Her brunette hair hung down to her shoulders . Her breasts were good sized , about a c cup . She didn 't like her legs ; she felt they were a little to short . She felt her greatest asset was her ass . She turned to look at it . It was well rounded and firm . It had kind of a heart shape to it . She turned back and looked at her pussy . She would need to trim her pubic hair . She kept it trimmed to the point that there was a small patch just above her slit . She did this so she could wear high cut bikinis without fear of pubic hair showing . Yes she decided , she had a good body . She had a pretty face as well . She was the picture of a very sexy , cute 17 year old girl , yet she was miserable . She desperately wanted to hang out with the " Beautiful People . " At least that 's what they were called behind their backs . They were the most popular kids in school . One in particular , David , was someone she would do anything for . He was the best looking guy in school . Jennifer knew that she had no way of being part of that group . They were not only the most popular , but they also came from very rich families . Her parents provided for her , but they were by no means rich . She thought she would do anything to be able to hang around these people , especially if it meant getting near David . At school later on that day Jennifer saw Brittany . Brit as her friends called her , was recognized as the leader of the beautiful people . She was very domineering and very rich . No one questioned her when she wanted something . She also happened to be dating David . Jennifer had tried to become friends with Brit , but to no avail . She was constantly hanging around them , trying to get them to accept her . Little did she know that they had noticed her and that Brit had decided to do something about the little bitch that wouldn 't leave them alone . Everyone was hanging around Brittany 's locker . Jennifer walked up and just stood there as if she belonged . They were talking about a party that was going to be at Brittany 's that night . Jennifer hoped that she would get some sort of acknowledgement that would allow her to attend . Out of the clear blue Brittany turned to Jennifer and asked her " do you want to come ? " Jennifer was shocked . She couldn 't remember the last time Brittany actually spoke to her . Now she was being invited to a party . " Sure " she said . " What time should I be there ? " Jennifer asked . " Be there around 8 : 00pm . Oh , by the way , " Brittany said . " It 's a theme party so dress up in a toga . " Jennifer said , " ok , no problem . " Then the bell rang and everyone had to go to class and the group broke up . One of the girls there , a strikingly beautiful blond named Beth had a class with Jennifer and they went off together . " Just a piece of advice , " Beth offered . " I wouldn 't wear a bra or panties with the toga tonight . " Jennifer was shocked . " Why ? " Jennifer asked . " Because they would stand out and make you look ridiculous . The ancient Romans didn 't wear anything under their togas , so why should we . Besides , if you do you 'll get teased and may never be invited to a party again . " Jennifer didn 't know what ancient Romans wore under their togas , but she suspected they wore something . The threat of being teased and not being invited to another party was real however . She had seen how this group had unmercifully teased some poor girl just because her outfit didn 't match . They could be very cruel . She decided that she would take Beth 's advice . Jennifer got home after school as fast as possible . She wanted to get ready . Her mom helped pick out the sheet and all the stuff to help make her look good . Jennifer had to admit that the toga did look real . She got ready and left the house . She had a bra and panties on because she didn 't think her mother would approve her going out without them . Once she was a couple of blocks away she pulled her car over . She slipped her panties off then worked on her bra . When they were off she started to head to Brittany 's for the party . She had to admit that she felt pretty sexy with no underwear on and just a sheet to cover her up . It wouldn 't take much to get her naked . She was a virgin , but the idea of being mostly naked appealed to her . She had masturbated and let guys feel her up , so she wasn 't completely naive . If things worked out , maybe she could get naked with David . She would be more than happy to give him her virginity . She got to the party right on time . She started to mingle around with everyone . For the first time that she could remember , they were actually talking to her . She noticed that none of the girls appeared to be wearing a bra . She couldn 't tell if they were wearing panties . After a little while Brittany came up to Jennifer . " We have a little initiation for all newcomers to our group , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer hadn 't thought of anything like that , but she was willing to do what ever was necessary . She was having such a good time ; it was like a dream come true . The dream soon turned into a nightmare . " We 're all going to go out back to the pool . Then you get to go skinny dipping , in front of everyone . Don 't get too upset , everyone has had to do it . " Of course that wasn 't true , no one had been required to do that before . Jennifer was mortified . She had never been completely naked in front of anyone before . How could she be expected to get naked in front of all these people ? Brittany could read her thoughts on her face . " If you don 't want to do it that 's fine . Of course you 'll have to leave right now and stop hanging around us . We only want people around that belong . You will only belong if you do what I say when I say , " Brittany said harshly . Jennifer was shaking she was so upset . If she didn 't do it her dreams would be shattered . If she did it , all of these people would see her naked . " Hurry up bitch and decide . You know you don 't belong here . You 're not one of us . If you want to be here you have to do what I say , no matter what it is or get out . Your choice . " Brittany was meaner than Jennifer had ever heard her before . Brittany intimidated her . Jennifer didn 't consider herself shy , but she wasn 't aggressive either . She just stood there looking at Brittany trying to figure out what to do . " Fine bitch , get out . If you aren 't going to obey me then leave . I don 't want your fucking ass around anyway , " Brittany screamed . " N . . no , " Jennifer stuttered softly . " I 'll do what you ask . " Brittany lightened up . " Fine , let 's go . " " Hey everyone , let 's go outside and watch this little bitch go skinny dipping . " The crowd roared their approval . Jennifer just wanted to shrink away and die . How could she go along with this ? Was it worth it to hang around these people ? Then she saw David and he had a great big smile on his face and he was looking at her tits . It was then that Jennifer noticed that her nipples were hard . As she walked she felt moisture in her crotch . She was excited . She realized that she was sexually excited . Almost as if this is what she wanted , to be naked and humiliated in front of everyone . She slowly followed Brittany out to the pool area . When everyone was standing around the pool Brittany turned to Jennifer . " Ok bitch , prove to us that you deserve to be here . " Jennifer closed her eyes and took a deep breath . Then she reached for her belt and undid it . She threw the belt onto a lounge chair and grabbed the toga that now hung loosely on her . She quickly pulled it off and threw it on the chair with her belt . She was interested in getting this over with as quickly as possible . She now stood completely naked in front of at least twenty people . She was humiliated beyond anything she could ever have imagined . She blushed furiously . She looked at Brittany and waited for instructions . " Hands at your sides . Let everyone get a good look at you , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer had put her hands in front of her pussy in an effort to claim some modesty . Jennifer resigned herself to her fate . She figured she had gone this far , she might as well go all the way . She moved her hands to her sides . She noticed that David was again starring at her naked body . This made her feel warm all over . Somehow she had become sexually aroused by the thought of being humiliated in front of everyone , and the fact that David had an unobstructed view of her nudity just made her feel even more aroused . " Since you seem so willing , I 'm going to give you a break . You 've done a real nice job on your hair tonight ; I 'd hate to see it get wet so here 's the deal . If you agree to hang around the pool naked for the next half - hour , I 'll set three easy rules for you to follow and you can hang around us all the time . If you would rather go skinny dipping , that 's fine , but you 'll get no towel and you 'll have to dry off with your toga and still follow my three little rules . One way you get to put on a dry toga ; the other you put on a wet toga . What 'll it be ? " Brittany asked . Jennifer knew that there would be no way to explain a soaking wet sheet to her mother . " What about your parents ? " asked Jennifer . " Won 't they see me naked out here ? " " They 're out of town for the weekend , it 's just us . " Jennifer decided . " I 'll stay dry , " she announced . " Good . I thought you might . Ok , it 's 9 : 30 now , all you have to do is stay out her naked until 10 : 00 , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer was very self - conscious now . People were milling about and looking at her hard . She desperately wanted to cover up , but she knew Brittany wouldn 't let her . " One more thing , " Brittany said . " If anyone tries to touch you , anywhere , and I mean anywhere , you must let them . Is that understood ? " The stunned teenager just starred in disbelief . How could Brittany expect her to allow that ? Brittany again could see the question on Jennifer 's face . She just shrugged and said , " my party , my rules . " Jennifer just lowered her head and whispered , " fine . I 'll do what you want . " With that Brittany went into the house , along with most of the girls . A couple stayed outside to watch . The guy 's had known what Brittany was going to do ; yet none was too sure about really feeling up this girl they hardly knew . Finally David walked up to her and grabbed her right tit . Jennifer sighed at the touch and started to shake . She was so turned on by the scene that she could smell her pussy . He rubbed and kneaded her tit . She just stood there and let him . That was the sign the rest of the guys were waiting for , and they all started to feel her up . She had hands all over her tits , ass and pussy . She felt a couple of fingers work their way into her very wet pussy . She was getting really turned on by this whole scene . She opened her eyes and looked at the girls . They were watching the situation with interest . Jennifer felt that if it were just she and the guys , she would probably already be getting fucked . That made her happy and sad at the same time . When the 30 minutes were up , Brittany came out back and announced it to everyone . Jennifer was allowed to put her toga back on and go back inside . She was very worked up sexually , never quite getting to the point of orgasm . She desperately needed release , but had no idea how to achieve it . She would have to wait to go home and masturbate . Brittany called Jennifer over . " Ok , here are your three simple rules . One , you may never wear a bra or panties for as long as you are part of our group . Two , you must be willing and able to prove that you are in compliance with rule number one at all times to everyone here at the party . That means you will have to expose yourself or find some other way to prove it . That also means that anyone can at anytime demand to touch you anywhere they want , no matter where you are , to further prove you are following rule number one . Finally number three , you must follow all of my orders to the letter without question or delay , no matter what that order is . For instance , if I tell you to take your shirt off in the middle of the school hallway so that we can examine your tits , you will immediately take your shirt off and stand ready to allow us to examine you . Do you think you completely understand these rules ? " Jennifer was scared . She didn 't know what to do . She just knew if she didn 't agree she would no longer be able to hang out with these people . She had such a good time earlier that she wanted it to go on forever . She also had to admit to herself that for some reason , she was very turned on by being forced to strip in front of everyone , and even more turned on when she was forced to let them feel her up . " Just one question , " Jennifer said . " What happens if I don 't obey an order or am too slow to do what you ask or don 't prove I am obeying rule number one to someone 's satisfaction ? " " Simple . If you refuse to follow an order , your out , and there won 't be a second chance . If you are too slow or someone doesn 't think you have done your best to prove your obedience you will be punished . And to answer your next question , punishment can be anything from being severely spanked or whipped , anywhere on your body , to being forced to participate in a gang bang with a bunch of people you don 't know . I am sure I will be forced to spank and whip you and I can promise you that your tits , ass and pussy will feel the sting of the whip . If you 're a virgin , I suggest you loose it quickly because I can guarantee you that you will be fucked a lot if you hang around us . Does that answer your questions . " Jennifer just nodded her shock and amazement at what she just heard too much for her to allow her to speak . Jennifer was sort of numb for the rest of the party . She couldn 't believe how her dream had changed so dramatically . She wondered around the party talking to people and eventually relaxed and enjoyed the party . Occasionally she would feel a hand on her ass or her tit . Several times she felt hands penetrating her pussy . She did her best to ignore them and carry on as if nothing were out of the ordinary . When the party ended and everyone was heading towards home Brittany came up to Jennifer . " I 'll be over to your house at two tomorrow afternoon . Be in the proper attire , " Brittany ordered . Jennifer said , " ok , " and left for home . On the way home she thought about putting her bra and panties back on , but decided that it was late and her parents wouldn 't see her so what was the point . She got home and noticed her parents were already in bed . She went up to her room in a hurry . She was so horny she had to masturbate right away . She had unbuckled her belt and was removing the pins in her hair when she ran into her dad . She gave a start and said " hi daddy . " His eye 's roved over her body intently . She looked down to see that the sheet was hanging loose again , like at the party . Most of her tits were visible and one hip was plainly in sight . It was obvious she was not wearing panties or a bra . Her father cleared his throat and said , " I was coming down to make sure it was you coming into the house . Um , by the way , aren 't you missing something ? " Jennifer blushed to know her father was seeing her mostly naked and knew she wasn 't wearing underwear or a bra . " Please don 't tell mom , " she begged . " I would have looked real stupid wearing them , " she offered . She realized that he had not looked her in the face . He was eyeing her body , or at least what of it he could . When Jennifer realized this she flushed anew with sexual tension . She did nothing to cover herself up . Instead she reached over to the side that was pinned together and removed the pin . This caused the toga to fall from her right side and just hang off of her left shoulder . This had the effect of completely exposing her right tit and the entire right half of her body , including most of her pussy . She was so excited by exposing herself to her father ; it never dawned on her what he might do . " Please daddy , don 't tell mom , " Jennifer begged again . Her father , visibly upset by what he had seen , roughly grabbed his daughter by the elbow and forcefully walked her to her room . He threw her down on the bed and ordered her to wait for him . He stormed off . Jennifer didn 't know what had come over her and why she exposed herself to her father . He was really angry . She had never seen him that angry before . She just sat there shaking her head wondering what had gotten into her . While she was waiting for him she felt her pussy . It was soaking wet . She was becoming more and more convinced that humiliation was a turn on for her . She would soon learn that there is a price to pay sometimes for getting what you want . She would also soon learn that humiliation mixed with pain is a wonderful aphrodisiac . Her father stormed back into her bedroom , carrying his belt . " I 'll keep quiet , but you 'll have to be punished for your conduct , " he growled . Jennifer was frightened , yet excited at the same time . He told her to roll over face down on her bed . Jennifer was too scared to argue and moved to comply . Without warning he ripped the sheet from her body . She was now completely naked in front of her own father . She almost chuckled when she realized at the start of the night she hadn 't been naked in front of anyone , and now over t " You hold that position little girl while I give your ass the whipping of a life time , " her dad said . And without any warning she felt the sting of his belt hitting her ass . It felt like fire in her ass . She had no idea how bad this could hurt . She had hoped that she would be able to maintain dignity during this ordeal . Now she just prayed she could survive it . Again and again the belt landed on her ass . The pain was spreading . Her whole ass felt like it was on fire . The tingle of the pain was spreading throughout her body , especially to her pussy . As her father beat her ass over and over , she could feel her pussy start to juice up . Tears were freely streaming down her cheeks and she was screaming into her pillow . Yet the whole time this was going on she could feel her pussy getting hotter and hotter . Without realizing what she was doing , she started to spread her legs . Before long they were spread wide , giving her father a clear view of her virgin teenage pussy . This seemed to infuriate him and he hit her ass with renewed vigor . Her pussy was on fire . Her ass was practically numb . The more he beat her ass , the more excited she became . She didn 't know her pussy was spread , nor did she realize that she was lifting her ass to meet the belt as it came down . Her mind was spinning out of control . Her body was experiencing sensations she hadn 't ever felt before . All of a sudden it happened . The whole night came crashing in on her and she exploded into her most intense orgasm ever . She saw stars and a bright light as her orgasm hit . Her whole body convulsed and shook with the force of her orgasm . She screamed for all she was worth into her pillow . Her father had no idea what was going on and was afraid he had done some real damage . He just stood there and watched his daughter go through the throws of a very powerful orgasm . When it was finally over he looked down at his naked 17 year old daughter . Her legs were still spread wide . He could see her pussy clearly and it was soaking wet and spasming . He saw her body twiJennifer lay there for another half - hour trying to pull herself back together . She was finally able to move and go up off of her bed . She moved over to the mirror and looked at her ass . The asset she felt was her best was all red and bruised . She gingerly tried to touch it and felt that it was hot . She could barely touch it without feeling pain . She touched her pussy and discovered she was more wet than at any other time in her young life . She wasn 't too sure what to make of everything . It was too much for her at that point . She still wasn 't thinking too clearly . Her mind was still a blur . She decided to just go to bed and try to sleep . Jennifer woke up the next morning very sore . She moved over to her mirror and looked at her ass . The redness had mostly gone away . There were still some visible marks . She would be bruised on her ass for some time . She took a shower and threw on some sweats and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast . Her father was there drinking coffee and reading the morning paper . It was Saturday so he was off from work and she didn 't have school . " Where 's mom ? " she asked . " She went shopping , " he said . It was just a little too tense in the kitchen . Jennifer could tell her dad was still upset about last night . She decided that she had to do something about it , after all it was her fault . She looked at her father and said , " I 'm not upset that you whipped me last night . I deserved it , " she said . Jennifer took a deep breath and committed herself to an uncertain future . " I want you to know that I love you daddy and that I would never hold it against you if you decide I need a spanking or some other punishment . " As she continued , she noticed the shocked look on her father 's face . " I 'll try to be good , but if I 'm not and you think I need to be punished , then I 'll do my best to cooperate with anything you decide to do as a means of punishment . " He just sat there looking at her . He realized what she was saying , he just couldn 't believe he was hearing it . She had just told him in no uncertain terms that he could force her to strip and accept a whipping , or any other punishment he designed , without fear of retribution . This was indeed something to think about . His immediate response was to acknowledge her statement and ask her how her ass was doing . He actually said ass , not butt . She said it was still a little sore , but doing ok . He said he had better see to make sure everything was healing fine . Jennifer flushed a little and said fine . She moved over to where he was sitting . She turned her back to him and lowered her sweat pants . She pushed them all the way down to her ankles and lifter her top . She wanted him to have a clear view . She spread her legs as much as the sweats would allow and stood there with her naked ass in her fathers ' face . He tentatively reached out a hand and touched her ass . " It 's still a little hot and I can feel the ridges where the belt impacted your ass cheeks . No real damage though . You 'll heal , " he said . His hand was gently moving all over her ass . Jennifer just stood there waiting for him to finish . When he did she causally pulled up her pants and made herself some breakfast . The rest of the day passed like normal . Just before two she heard a car and wondered if it was her mom or Brittany . She looked out the window . It was Brittany . Jennifer went downstairs to let Brittany in . Jennifer introduced Brittany to her father and then they went to Jennifer 's room . Once they were in the room and the door was closed , Brittany ordered Jennifer to strip . Jennifer was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the command , but complied none the less , remembering what she had been told the night before . When she was naked Brittany ordered her to turn around . Jennifer didn 't know what she was going to say about her ass , but she was sure Brittany would ask about it . Sure enough when her ass came into Brittany 's view she asked , " what the hell happened to your ass ? " Jennifer explained to Brittany what had happened the night before , well most of it anyway . She didn 't tell Brittany about her orgasm . Brittany smiled as the story unfolded . " Well at least now you know what to expect when I have to whip you . Since he is doing such a good job on your ass , we 'll have to think about whipping you someplace else , " Brittany explained . While Jennifer was afraid of what that might mean , she was now excited about something that last night had terrified her . Brittany explained that a few of the girls were coming over to her house tonight since her parents were still out of town . Everyone would be spending the night . Did she think she could get away for the night ? Jennifer didn 't think that was a problem . " Good , " said Brittany . " Be over at my house by nine . Now for some fun . " " I want you to fully understand your place , " explained Brittany . " Around us you will be more like a slave than anything else . Around other people you 'll be just like one of us . That means you will have to dress better than you have been . I suggest you do some shopping . We don 't want to be embarrassed by you . When you 're around us you can expect to be naked a lot and have a lot of sex . Make sure you are protected . Now I have some shopping to do for tonight so I have to get going . But before I go I want to emphasize just how important it is for you to follow my orders . If you are too slow on this order I will march you , naked , down to your father and ask for his belt . I will then ask him to watch while I beat his daughters naked pussy . Do you understand ? " Jennifer mumbled " yes , I understand . " " From now on , unless we are in public , you will address me as mistress , understood ? " Brittany asked . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer responded . " Good . Now before I leave I want to see how you masturbate . " Jennifer was stunned . She had never even considered telling anyone she masturbated , let alone do it in front of anyone . She knew she had no choice however . Sure she could refuse , but then she would never realize her dream of having sex with David . She would also be forced from the group . She had already decided that she was willing to do whatever it took to be a member of the group by stripping in front of everyone last night . She wasn 't going to blow it so soon . So she swallowed her pride and said , " yes mistress . " Jennifer slowly lay down on her bed , spreading her legs wide as she went . She took one hand and lowered it to her pussy . She gently started to rub her clit . With her other hand she started to rub her tits . She was twisting her nipple and had shoved a couple of fingers into her pussy . She started to pump her fingers into her pussy , fucking it with her fingers . She opened her eyes to see that Brittany was watching her very intently . She kept the fingers pumping into her pussy . She was pumping furiously . She moved her other hand from her tits to her hand that was finger fucking her pussy . She grabbed the hand fucking her pussy and used it to help to pound her fingers into her pussy . She could feel the orgasm building up inside her . She could tell it would be more intense than what she normally experienced when she masturbated . She assumed it was due to the audience . She could feel it building . She would hit it very soon . Her hips were bucking up off the bed . She was driving her pussy up to meet her fingers . She could tell that within a few seconds she would be hitting her orgasm . Then it hit . It was more powerful than normal . Nothing compared to last night , but powerful indeed . She could feel her pussy spasming around her fingers as her orgasm hit . She slowly started to settle down and looked at Brittany . It was then that she realized that she still had her fingers in her wide spread pussy . She also realized that she had masturbated to orgasm in front of someone who was still mostly a stranger . This humiliated her terribly and she blushed deeply . " I 'm glad you 're embarrassed . You should be , " Brittany said . " As punishment for such a shameless act , you must be whipped by your father this afternoon . We 'll want to see the marks . Oh , and just for fun , make sure its someplace other than your ass , " Brittany said laughing . Jennifer was scarred now . How was she going to get her father to whip her again , and to do it somewhere other than her ass ? Worse yet , as bad as her ass hurt , how could she stand to be whipped somewhere else ? Again , she knew she had no choice . She answered , " yes mistress . Is there any place in particular you would like the marks to be ? " She prayed for a reasonable answer . It was not to be . " I think I would like to see the marks on your tits . You 've got nice full tits . I 'll bet they make a nice target . And if I were you I 'd shave off all of that pussy hair . It 'll go easier on you if you do . " Jennifer groaned , but simply responded , " yes mistress . " " Well I 've got to leave , " Brittany said . " I 'll see you tonight . " " Yes mistress , " was all Jennifer could manage . She got dressed and walked Brittany out to her car . Once back in the house she tried to think how to get her dad to do what Brittany ordered . " Your mother met a friend shopping and won 't be back until dinner time . Did you want a late lunch ? " her father asked . " Sure , " she responded . Her mind was not on what was going on around her . She was trying to think about how to get her father to whip her tits , and not on what she was doing . As a consequence she managed to drop a whole gallon of milk on the floor making a huge mess . " Awe shit , " she said . Her father was perturbed , not angry . When they got the mess cleaned up Jennifer decided to see if her father was angry enough over this to whip her . It was an accident and he normally didn 't get that upset over accidents , but it was all she could think of and time was running out . " If you wanted to whip me for making this mess , I 'd understand , " she said with eyes lowered . He looked at her with a stunned look on his face . " It 's no big deal . Accidents happen , " he responded . " But that was a whole gallon of milk and it happened because I wasn 't paying attention , " she pushed . Her father just looked at her . She looked up at him with an almost hopeful look in her eye . " Let 's cut through the bullshit Jennifer . Tell me I 'm wrong , but I think you want to be exposed in front of me and whipped . Am I right ? " Jennifer just stood there and starred at her father . How could she answer that question ? In her heart she knew he was right , but was she ready to admit it to her father , and herself ? " Well ? " he asked . She decided it was time for a little honesty , no matter what may come of it . " Yes , " Jennifer said . " What did you say ? " her father asked . " Yes , I want to be naked in front of you and whipped , " she said . There , she said it . Now what she wondered ? Her father stood there looking at her . After what seemed like an eternity he said , " fine , I 'll go and get my belt , you can take off your pants . " As he turned to leave Jennifer reached deep inside herself for courage and asked , " daddy would you please whip my tits instead of my ass ? " That stopped him dead in his tracks . She could tell he was trying to think about this latest and most bizarre turn of events . Finally he answered . " Fine , I 'll whip your tits , but you will be completely naked . Now go into the living room and wait for me , naked . " She responded with " yes daddy . " She saw him shiver and head for his room . She went into the living room and stripped naked . When he walked into the living room he was greeted with the site of his very beautiful and sexy 17 year old teenaged daughter standing in the middle of the room , naked . He just stopped and looked at her . Damn , he thought , she was hot . He walked up to her and positioned her in the middle of the room . This gave him the most room to maneuver . " Put your hands behind your head and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer immediately moved to comply . She noticed that by putting her hands behind her head her tits thrust out more , making a much more inviting target . " Are you ready ? " he asked . She just nodded . " Alright , here we go , " he announced . Within seconds she felt the most intense pain she had ever felt in her life . She was convinced her tits had been cut and were bleeding . She was screaming her head off with the pain . She managed to open her eyes and through the blur of tears she saw the angry red welt forming on her tits , but no blood . " We can 't have that kind of screaming . The neighbors will hear . I 'll have to gag you , " he said . She nodded , knowing that he was right . What happened next shocked Jennifer to her core . Her father removed his jeans and then his shorts so that he was naked from the waist down . She had never actually seen a dick out in the open . Sure she had sucked her boyfriends off , but she had never seen a dick out in plain sight . And it was bigger than her boyfriends were and it was very hard . He took his shorts and walked up to his daughter and said , " open wide . " Her eyes were already wide open from shock . She slowly opened her mouth as wide as she could get it . He then stuffed his shorts in her mouth and said , " that should take care of the screams . " Jennifer was shaking with both lust and shock . Lust at being naked and whipped by her father , and because he was naked from the waist down showing her a very large and hard cock . With shock because she would never have believed it possible to be in this situation . Her father was now back in position to resume whipping her tits . " Are you ready , " he asked . She nodded her head . She closed her eyes and waited . She didn 't have long to wait . The belt again smacked her full on the tits , just below her nipples . The pain was excruciating . It was all she could do to hold her position . Before she had fully recovered from that blow another hit , this time just above the nipples . It felt as if he were using a hot poker on her tits . She kept seeing stars and bright lights in her mind as the pain exploded throughout her tits . He kept whipping her tits , occasionally hitting her squarely across the nipples . This produced the most extreme of reactions . Her knees would buckle and he could hear her scream , even through his shorts in her mouth . His cock was so hard that he didn 't know if it would go down . He had never been this turned on in his life . His daughters ' tits were a mass of angry welts and bruises . Still , she stood there with her hands behind her head and her legs spread wide . He wondered if she knew that pussy juice was running down her legs . She had mostly recovered from the last blow that had landed on her nipples . " I 'm going to give you a choice . You can take five more across your nipples or twenty more elsewhere . It 's your choice . Nod once if you want the five or nod twice if you want the twenty . " Jennifer was struggling to maintain her sanity . Her father was whipping her on her tits . She was completely naked , and he was mostly naked . Now she had to make a terrible decision and it was all because she asked for it . Jennifer nodded once , knowing that five across her nipples would be excruciating pain , but the tingling in her pussy told her that was what she wanted . " All right , here goes , " her father said . With a force not yet felt by Jennifer , her father landed five very powerful blows across her nipples . The pain was so intense that Jennifer had collapsed to her knees by the fifth stroke . She was practically hysterical she was crying so hard . When she finally regained some control she stood back up and assumed her position . Without saying a word her father walked up to her and put his hand on her pussy . He felt around and shoved a finger up inside her . There was no resistance since her pussy was so wet he probably could have shoved his fist inside her . He continued to manipulate her pussy , making sure to work on her clit . She mewled as he did this . She moved her hips in a fucking motion against his fingers . The orgasm hit without warning . Her senses were so messed up as a result of the whipping she had no idea she was that close . As her orgasm hit , she closed her legs holding her fathers ' hand in place . She was having an orgasm at least as powerful as the one she had last night when her father whipped her ass . She was getting weak from the effects of the orgasm . She was barely aware of her surroundings . She reached out to hold on to her father , as she was no longer able to stand on her own . It seemed to last forever . When it was finally over she opened her eyes and looked into her fathers ' eyes . He was clearly shocked at what had just happened . He removed his shorts from his daughters ' mouth and sat down on the couch . Jennifer stood there looking at her very whipped tits and then at her father . " Is that what you wanted ? " he asked . She looked at him and said , " yes , but I had no idea how bad it would hurt . " " Well , you seemed to get off on it ok , so I guess you got what you wanted . What am I supposed to do with this raging hard on ? " Jennifer knew what he was hinting at . He wanted her to do something about his hard on . After all , he had given her two of the best orgasms of her life ; she felt she owed him . She could give him a blowjob ; she knew how to do that . Then she remembered what Brittany had said . " If you 're a virgin , better lose it fast . " Jennifer wondered what her dad would think if he knew that he was going to deflower his own daughter . Jennifer was still so worked up over the whipping and the whole crazy scene that it didn 't even bother her a little to think she was going to fuck her own father . She just walked up to him on the couch , looked him in the eye , and without saying a word , positioned herself over his cock . She reached down and grabbed it . She put its head against the opening of her pussy , not taking her eyes off of her father the whole time . Once his dick was in place , she started to slowly lower herself onto her fathers cock . It was a huge dick . She had no idea if she could get it all the way inside of her . She just kept lowering herself onto his cock . He was stretching her pussy wide . She felt like she was taking a telephone pole up her pussy . With about half of it inside of her she stopped and moved back up . Having never had a cock in her pussy before she didn 't know what to expect . She got to the point that her fathers cock was just inside her pussy and then she started moving back down . She was moving down faster than before and this time his cock moved into her more easily . She almost had all of his cock inside of her pussy . She was feeling so full she couldn 't believe she had as much of his cock inside her as she did . The feeling in her pussy was so great she didn 't want it to end . This time she moved up more quickly and almost slammed her pussy back down . The sensation and pain in her pussy set her aflame with lust once again . She felt his pubic hair on her ass and looked down to see that she had his whole cock buried inside her . She was shaking with lust at the sight . She looked back at her father and he had a look of satisfaction on his face . She started to fuck him as well as she could . She wasn 't experienced at all , so she wasn 't sure what to do . She just went with instinct and did what felt good . She was moving with reckless abandon . She was literally throwing herself on to his cock . Her father just sat there and watched as his beautiful 17 year old daughter fucked herself on his dick . He was so worked up from the whipping and the masturbation of his daughter that it didn 't take long for him to approach orgasm . He could feel his cum getting ready to spurt into his daughters ' pussy . Jennifer was also approaching another mind - blowing orgasm . She was bouncing up and down on her fathers ' cock . She was amazed at how easily her pussy stretched to accommodate his cock . She felt his cock tighten up . She had no idea what that meant of course since this was her first time . She did know that her own orgasm was fast approaching . The friction of her fathers ' cock on her clit was sending her to new heights of sexual release . She loved being fucked . If Brittany was intent on humiliating her and hurting her and getting her fucked , she was all for it . She would do what ever Brittany ordered as long as she got what she needed . She realized that this made her a slut , but to be able to feel like she did right then , she was willing to accept that reality . Her fathers cock stiffened incredibly inside of her and then she felt his cum exploding inside of her . The feeling of the warm slippery fluid being pumped into her teenaged pussy was too much for her . She came and came and came . The feelings were so intense that she started to black out . Just before she lost consciousness she felt her father grab her tits and squeeze . The pain was all it took to complete her mind shattering orgasm . She just limply lay against her father , her pussy spasming with the after throws of an intense orgasm and her fathers ' cock twitching inside her pussy . When she woke up she was in her room on her bed . She was still naked and her sweats were on the floor next to her . She had no idea how long she had been like this . She reached down to clutch her pussy . She was still wet . She brought her hand up to her face and she noticed that she had something other than pussy juice on her fingers . It had to be her fathers cum . She brought her fingers to her mouth and licked them clean . She decided she needed to shower to get ready for tonight . She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror . Her tits were bruised and stripped . She was in shock at how bad they looked . Her ass wasn 't much better . She decided it was probably a " Very nice , " he said . " Why did you do that ? " " Because my friend suggested that I do it . She 's also the one that suggested you should whip my tits , " she responded . " You like what 's happening to you don 't you ? " he asked . " Yes I do . I didn 't know it until last night , but I do like to be humiliated and hurt . I have also discovered I like to be fucked . " He cringed when he heard that . He knew what that meant . " So , will this friend humiliate and hurt you ? " he wondered . " Yes she will , " Jennifer said . She didn 't want her father to know why . " I was also hoping you might be interested in doing some more ? I 've liked what we 've done so far , " she asked hopefully . He sat there for what seemed like forever to Jennifer . " We 'll continue with what we 've done today and last night , if that is what you really want . But understand this , I will use every hole you 've got , even your asshole . I 'll also be inflicting a great deal of pain on your body . If that is what you want then go over to that drawer and bring me the thongs we use for hot dogs on the grill , or if it 's not then simply pull up your pants and leave . " She didn 't even hesitate . She shuffled over to the drawer and pulled out the thongs her father had requested . " Bring them over her and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer was unable to spread her legs with her pants around her ankles , so she removed them completely and then spread her legs wide . Her father reached out and grabbed her clit and she moaned with her approval of his rough handling . He then brought up the thongs to her pussy and grasped her clit between the ends and started to squeeze , hard . He squeezed and squeezed . Her clit was in extreme pain . Tears were running down her face . She didn 't try to stop him however ; she just stood there taking the punishment . Finally his hand got tired and he let go . Blood rushed back to her clit and the pain of that was almost as bad as when it was being squeezed . He told her to wash and put away the thongs and then to get dressed . As Jennifer was pulling her pants up she felt her pussy and found it soaking wet . She decided that this was further confirmation of what she was , a pain slut . She went to her room to get ready for tonight . Jennifer knew that she would spend the night at Brittany 's naked . For that reason it didn 't matter what she put into the bag , it wouldn 't be needed . She said goodbye to her parents and headed for Brittany 's . Her mind was trying to cope with what had happened over the past couple of days . Over twenty people had seen her naked and she had her ass and tits beaten . She had lost her virginity , to her father none the less , and now was on her way to a party that was certain to cause her great pain and humiliation . The amazing thing was she was excited about the prospect and was looking forward to it . She shoved her hand inside her pants to feel her newly shaved bald pussy and found she was wet just thinking about what might happen . She finally arrived at Brittany 's and went to the door . She left the bag in the car , as she was certain she wouldn 't need anything from it . Brittany opened the door looking as beautiful as ever . " I see that you had the guts to show . Good , we 're gonna have real fun . But you have too many clothes on to come into my house . If you want to come in you 'll have to be naked . You can put your clothes in your car if you want , you won 't need them tonight . " It was worse than Jennifer had feared . She had not expected to be naked outside where someone could see her . But she was determined to see it through . She had already accepted the fact that she was a slut and loved the pain and humiliation , so she just had to work up the courage to go through with it . She took a deep breath and took off her shirt and shorts and shoes . Now standing completely naked on Brittany 's front step she hurriedly went to her car to put her clothes in it . She furtively looked around to see if anyone was watching . She couldn 't see anyone , she just hoped no one saw her . Once she had her clothes in her car she quickly returned to where Brittany was standing . " I see you 've learned your lessons well , " she said . " I also see you took my advice and shaved your pussy and had someone whip your tits . Was it your father ? " she asked . Jennifer responded with " yes mistress . " " Good . By the way , you will refer to me as mistress all night , understood ? " " Yes mistress , " she whispered . This whole conversation was happening out in the open on Brittany 's doorstep . All she wanted to do is get into the house . Brittany now just stood there and looked at Jennifer . It was as if she were waiting for something . All of a sudden Jennifer head a car drive past and heard a bunch of yelling and carrying on . She realized that Brittany had arranged for a carload of boys to drive past while she was naked outside her house . They only saw her ass , but it was enough to embarrass her . " Ok , now we can go inside , " Brittany announced . Once inside the house they went down to the basement were all the other girls were already waiting for them . As Jennifer walked in the room got quiet . They were all starring at her bruised tits . " You should see her ass , " Brittany announced . Jennifer blushed deeply . She was an object to them , nothing more . Jennifer knew it would be a long night , and indeed it was . The pain and humiliation started as soon as she arrived . Two different girls fisted her recently deflowered pussy ; her tits were completely covered with wax and she had a fat candle shoved up her ass while it was lit and she was upside down . The wax dripped down to her ass and hit her pussy . They slapped her tits and pussy . The whole time she was in a state of sexual arousal and had more orgasms than she could count . Finally it got late and the girls were settling down . The girl named Beth that she had a class with walked up to her and lifted her T - shirt . She was naked underneath . " You 're going to eat my pussy you little bitch , " she said . This was by far the worse thing that happened to her that night . She had gotten off on all the pain , but this was different . Jennifer looked at Brittany for guidance , but all she did was smile . Jennifer knew that she would have to do it . She edged forward on her knees until she was right in front of Beth 's pussy . It was neatly trimmed and Jennifer realized that she tanned naked . Jennifer took a deep breath and opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue . She made contact with Beth 's pussy and Beth almost jumped out of her skin . Jennifer had no idea what to do so she just started to lick her pussy like she was licking an ice cream cone . She started to taste something and realized it was Beth 's pussy juice . " Put your whole mouth over my pussy and stick your tongue inside of my pussy , " Beth ordered . Jennifer moved to obey and when she stuck her tongue inside Beth 's pussy she heard the girl groan . She started to suck on Beth 's pussy and licking it . She could feel Beth starting to grind her pussy into Jennifer 's face . " Nibble on my clit and on my pussy lips , " Beth ordered . Obviously Beth knew what she wanted out of this experience , and Jennifer was happy to get the advice . She did what she was told . A few minutes later she felt Beth stiffen up and then shake all over . She was having an orgasm , all because Jennifer was giving her head . When Beth was calmed down a little she said , " not bad . Your first time I assume ? " Jennifer just nodded her head . After that it didn 't take long and Jennifer had a line of girls waiting to be treated to what Beth had gotten . Brittany laughed and Jennifer resigned herself to the fact she was going to eat out every pussy there . By the time that Jennifer was allowed to go to sleep she had eaten every pussy there , even Brittany 's . The first girl , Beth , came back for seconds . She commented to Jennifer that her skills had improved . It was probably the most backward complement she had ever received . She settled down under some blankets to go to sleep and reached for her pussy . She had eaten out all those girls , but she had not received any satisfaction . She touched her bald pussy and found it wet . She started to stroke her clit and the feelings overwhelmed her . She became more aggressive and shoved a couple of fingers inside her pussy . She was fully masturbating now . She was close to her orgasm . Her hand was moving fast and her pussy swelled up with desire . Just as she was about to cum she felt a hand on the blankets . She opened her eyes just in time to see Brittany yank the blankets off of her , exposing her to Brittany while she was in the middle of masturbating herself to orgasm . The humiliation of being discovered played on her emotions and she kept up her activities . Her hips began to bounce and gyrate to the rhythm of her hand . She threw her head back and spread her legs and came with a furious intensity . She knew she was being watched , and this turned her on big time . After she finally calmed down she reopened her eyes and saw not only Brittany , but also Beth . " That was a nice show , " Beth commented . " You didn 't have permission to masturbate bitch so you 'll have to be punished . Tomorrow morning at breakfast , in front of everyone , you 'll get your pussy whipped . It will hurt worse than your ass or your tits . Sleep well , " Brittany , said . Jennifer was scarred now . She remembered the pain in her pussy from the thongs and realized that was not going to be even close to the kind of pain she would feel in the morning . She just curled up into a ball and tried to sleep . Jennifer woke up ; surprised she could sleep at all . As she got up she felt very self - conscious because she was the only person wondering around naked . Brittany walked up to her and said , " let 's go to the living room . Everyone will eventually be there and we 'll get to your punishment . " Jennifer shivered at the thought that she was going to let someone whip her pussy . She followed Brittany to the living room of her house . A number of the girls were already there . In the daylight they got a much better view of her bruised and battered tits and ass . She wanted crawl off somewhere and hide . When everyone was there Brittany got up in front of everyone . " This little slut was caught masturbating without permission last night . Her punishment is to get her pussy whipped . There are twelve of us . I 'm going to give her a choice . She can take five from each girl for a total of 60 , or she can take 50 from me . I should point out that I have a very good aim and can guarantee that I will hit your clit a large number of times . The other girls may not be as good and you may get lucky . I 'll leave it up to you . " Jennifer thought it over and decided while the number was higher , she was hoping some of the girls might show her mercy and not hit her too hard . She knew that Brittany would hit her hard and believed that Brittany would score a large number on her clit . " I would like to have everyone give me five on my pussy mistress , " Jennifer stated . They pulled a coffee table over to the middle of the room and placed Jennifer on he back on the table . Brittany had Jennifer hold her legs up and back , fully exposing her pussy for all to see . The table was rather short for her body so her head hung off the other end . " Now you must hold that position . If you fail to keep your legs apart with your pussy open for us to see and beat , then we start the whole process over . Is that clear ? " Brittany stated . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer replied . She only hoped she could hold this position . 60 was bad enough , if that number were to be increased she didn 't think she would be able to take it . She was afraid of permanent damage as it was . The first girl to grab the belt that Brittany brought for the occasion was Beth . She was still wearing the T - shirt she wore the night before . Everyone else was dressed . Jennifer had to admit that Beth was beautiful , probably the best looking girl there . She realized that the idea of being exposed to someone so beautiful was turning her on . Fear crept into her mind as she saw Beth practice with the belt on the couch . Jennifer 's breathing increased and her heart pounded as she held her position waiting for the first blow . Beth stepped up to the table that held Jennifer with her pussy an open invitation for the belt and took her first swing . The belt landed on the right side of Jennifer 's pussy . The pain was intense , almost as intense as when her father beat her tits . She struggled not to scream . The next three blows hit on either side of he slit . Jennifer had closed her eyes tightly and tears were streaming down her face . Her pussy was on fire with both pain and lust . Beth 's fifth and final stroke hit its target . The belt bisected her pussy lips and found the girls ' clit . The most horrible scream erupted from Jennifer 's mouth . The pain was so extreme she felt like she was going to pass out . The inhuman screaming coming from Jennifer shock up the other girls a great deal . Brittany waited until Jennifer calmed down and stopped screaming and shaking . When that finally happened she asked Jennifer , " are you ready for the next girl ? " Jennifer wanted so bad to be able to say no , I don 't want anymore , but she didn 't . Even through the haze of pain she could tell her pussy was getting wet from the situation . As she thought about it she could only imagine the sight that she presented . Lying on her back , holding her legs back and spread , her bald pussy open for all to see , and whip . It was so lude and depraved it made her shiver with lust . She responded to the question posed to her in the only way she could , " yes mistress , I 'm ready . " The next girl walked up and grabbed the belt . Her first blow caused Jennifer to scream even though it didn 't hit her clit . Her pussy was so sensitized by what was going on and the emotional state she was in , there was no way she wouldn 't scream . " We can 't have that screaming now can we , " Beth said . With that she removed her T - shirt and walked over to where Jennifer 's head was located . Jennifer looked up at the completely naked Beth and admired her beauty . She was even more gorgeous naked than Jennifer believed possible . She apparently liked to show off her body because she didn 't even hesitate to get naked . Beth spread her legs and proceeded to lower he pussy to Jennifer 's mouth . " Suck on this while you get your punishment . Maybe eating my pussy will keep you quiet . " Jennifer opened her mouth and began to work on Beth 's pussy . With all the recent experience she had , Beth was near her first orgasm before too long . Everyone took her turn whipping her pussy . She would scream into Beth 's pussy on almost every stroke , but most especially if someone managed to hit her clit . By the time it was Brittany 's turn Jennifer 's pussy was throbbing and red and puffy from being hit 55 times . Her clit had swollen up and was poking out from under its hood , making a very inviting target . Beth had stayed on Jennifer 's mouth the whole time . The screams seemed to cause her great pleasure . Beth had more orgasms from the work of Jennifer 's mouth than she could count . Brittany lined up to give Jennifer her last five lashes . Jennifer had no idea how many lashes she had left or who had done what to her . When she heard Brittany speak , she started to shake in fear . " I 'm the last one slut . I hope your ready for some serious pain . " Jennifer was ready . She had come so close to orgasm several times . While she was afraid of the pain it would cause if Brittany hit her clit , she was secretly hoping that she would because she knew that it would push her over the edge and give her a powerful orgasm . The first lash hit Jennifer squarely on her clit . It was by far the most powerful stroke she had felt yet . Her scream into Beth 's pussy was enough to send the beautiful girl into another orgasm . Brittany took her time and lined up for the second lash . It hit Jennifer 's clit again . It was all Jennifer could do to hold her legs apart . The pain was excruciating . The third lash hit her clit again and it caused her to lose control . She started to buck her hips and squirm all over the table . " Help me out . Someone hold her down , " Brittany called out . Jennifer felt hands all over her body holding her in place . The fourth lash also connected with her clit and Jennifer was almost hysterical . She was so close to orgasm that in what was left of her mind she was actually hoping the fifth stroke would hit her clit . She got her wish and she went into such a powerful orgasm that her mind couldn 't handle all of the sensations and she passed out . When she woke up she was lying on a soft bed with some very worried looking girls standing watch . " You were out for almost an hour . We were going to call an ambulance if you didn 't wake up soon , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer tried to get up but the pain in her pussy made her lay back down . " Here 's a bag of ice . Your pussy is pretty swollen and bruised . This might help . " Jennifer took the bag of ice from Brittany and put it on her pussy . The sensation of that much cold on her overheated pussy was quite a shock to her system . Once she got over the initial sensation , her pussy did feel a little better . " Thank you mistress , it does feel better , " Jennifer explained . " I 'm sorry we hurt you so bad . I had no idea that it would hurt so much that you would pass out , " Brittany offered . Jennifer knew the real reason she passed out . Yes she was in a great deal of pain and she was paying for it now . But she knew she didn 't pass out from the pain but from the best orgasm she had since her father beat her tits . She wasn 't too sure she wanted to explain the truth to Brittany because it would confirm to everyone there that she was a pain slut and got off on it . But she couldn 't let Brittany think she had hurt her so bad that she passed out either . Brittany was obviously upset about the situation . She decided she had to tell the truth . " I didn 't pass out from the pain , " Jennifer explained . Everyone looked at her with a questioning look . Everyone that is except Beth , she had a huge smile on her face . Jennifer took a deep breath and explained to everyone what happened . " I was in a great deal of pain . I seem to have a high tolerance to it however . It also happens to be a major turn on to me . When Brittany hit my clit with all five of her strokes , it was the trigger necessary for me to have a mind shattering orgasm . The orgasm was so powerful that it caused me to pass out . I 'm sorry I scarred you , but I don 't seem to have any control over the situation . " " I knew it , " said Beth . " I 've heard of people who get off on pain and humiliation , but I never believed I would ever meet one . " Everyone just starred at Jennifer . She blushed anew from all the wild stares she was getting . " Well , we 'll have to see what we can do to satisfy you . Can you move yet ? " Brittany asked . " I think so mistress , " Jennifer replied . This time she was able to move . She kept the ice pack on her pussy as she walked to try to ease the pain . " If you 're serious about what you told us , I will have to do some thinking on how we can accommodate you . When you lose your virginity let me know . The guy 's would like to use you as a party favor , if that agrees with you , " Brittany said . Jennifer took another deep breath and said , " I have already lost my virginity . I would very much like to be a party favor for the guys . I seem to get turned on by humiliation as well as pain and I 've discovered I love to fuck . " This statement seemed to shock Brittany quite a bit because she was only able to stutter a simple ok to Jennifer . They got back down to the basement and all the girls were getting the place cleaned up . Jennifer was not required to help . She just sat on a chair , naked holding the ice pack to her pussy . When the party started to break up everyone went out to her car , including Jennifer . Brittany walked Jennifer to her car and as Jennifer reached for her clothes Brittany grabbed her arm . " I think you should drive home naked . You can get dressed at home before you go into your house . If you 're lucky , no one will notice that you are naked and have bruised and battered tits . " This was a little much for Jennifer . It was one thing to be the sex object that everyone could abuse in private . It was a much more different thing to be on display for the whole town to see . She looked into Brittany 's eyes and knew it was useless to argue . Jennifer went over to the drivers ' side and got in . She looked up at Brittany begging for mercy in her eyes . Brittany offered no sympathy . All the way home Jennifer kept a watchful eye out for anyone that she knew or that might be able to see that she was completely naked driving her car . She took all back roads home . The normal twenty - five minute drive took almost forty - five minutes . About three blocks from home she saw her mothers ' car coming at her . Her heart started to pound and her hands stated to sweat and get slippery on the steering wheel . She didn 't know what to do . She knew that if her mother looked over at her as they passed she would see that Jennifer was naked and that her tits were badly bruised . She only had seconds to think . All she could do was to slouch down and hope her mother didn 't look too carefully . As they passed her mother honked her horn and waived at her daughter . Jennifer gave a weak wave back and kept going . Her mother must not have seen anything or didn 't think anything strange about her daughter being so slouched down , because she just kept going . When she got home she pulled into her driveway . She noticed for the first time that it was somewhat private and she could get into her house without anyone seeing her . She decided not to get dressed as she was in so much pain from the whippings this weekend , clothes would only aggravate the situation . She wasn 't worried about her dad seeing her naked , not after what happened yesterday . She just grabbed her clothes and bag she had packed and walked into the house through the garage . She met her father in the garage and to her horror her neighbor . They both turned to look at whoever it was that was walking into the garage . Both men just stared with their mouths open . Jennifer was equally stunned and stood there with her mouth open . She was so stunned she didn 't even try to cover up . Finally her father spoke up , " honey , you know our neighbor Bill . " " Ya . . ya , h hi Bill , " Jennifer stammered . A very stunned Bill spoke up . " What happened to you and why are you naked . " Jennifer could see that her father was a little nervous and she knew she had better come up with a good story . " Well I 'm naked because I didn 't think anyone would see me , except possibly my father and as you can see I have some pretty bad bruises in some rather sensitive area 's . I didn 't want to wear cloths because they would be painful on the tender areas , " Jennifer explained . " Ok I can accept that , but how did you get so bruised ? " Bill asked . Jennifer swallowed hard and explained , " I like to be hurt and humiliated . I get off on it . My father whipped me on my ass and my tits . I wanted it and was finally able to convince him to do it . The girls I spent the night with last night whipped my pussy this morning . I can have a very intense orgasm when being whipped as I have been . " Bill was shocked . He couldn 't take his eyes off of the naked teenager with the angry welts and bruises all over her tits and pussy . He hadn 't seen her ass yet . Which made him ask , " could I see your ass ? " Jennifer slowly turned around to show him her battered ass . " My god , " was all he could say . Jennifer 's father finally spoke up . " Well Bill , as you can see my daughter and I have a very special relationship . " " No kidding , " Bill said . " You 're free to talk to my daughter when I 'm not around . You 'll find that this is all very consensual and she really does like what has happened to her . Of course , my wife knows nothing of this , and she can 't . She wouldn 't understand . I hope we can count on your keeping this between us Bill . " " On one condition , " Bill said . " I want in . I want to be able to punish her and see her naked and everything else . I get that and I stay quiet . " Jennifer groaned while still showing them her ass . On hearing what Bill had to say she just slumped down as if the fight was gone . She was the plaything of the " Beautiful People " so that she could hang around them and be part of their group , if only as a sex toy . She and her father had a special thing going on that she was excited about , and now her neighbor was going to use and abuse her . Where will it end she wondered ? " It 's up to you Jennifer . What do you want to do ? " her father asked . Jennifer turned around and faced the two men again . " If Bill is serious about keeping quiet , then I 'm willing to let him do what ever he wants , " Jennifer replied . " Great , " Bill responded . " For starters , how about you getting your sexy ass over here . " Jennifer 's dad just stood back and watched . Jennifer walked over to where Bill was standing and stood in front of him . She had her legs slightly parted to give him a better view . He wasn 't interested in a view however . He reached out his hand and grabbed her pussy . Jennifer took in a sharp breath and jumped a little . " Sorry , " she said . " It 's a little tender . " " And wet , " Bill shot back . Jennifer blusJennifer looked at her father for guidance . Right now the way he was playing with her pussy and with the intense emotion associated with the humiliation of being a new toy for her neighbor , Jennifer really wanted to be fucked . Jennifer 's father looked her in the eye and he could tell what she wanted . He suddenly started smiling for the first time since she walked into the garage . He knew his daughter was a complete slut and he and his neighbor were going to have great fun with her . " It 's up to Jennifer , " he said . " I don 't care if you do , only that it 's ok with Jennifer . " Bill looked at Jennifer . Jennifer desperately needed to be fucked . The past few minutes had worked her up something fierce . " Alright , you can fuck me " Jennifer replied . With that Bill grabbed Jennifer by the arm and threw her against the wall . She bounced with a thud and dropped her cloths and bag . Bill walked up to her and spun her around so her ass was facing him . He kicked her legs apart and pulled her ass out back towards him . Things were happening so fast that Jennifer had no time to think . She had told him it was ok to fuck her , but she didn 't think that he would do it in front of her father . He didn 't seem to care however as he just stood there watching . She heard a zipper and then felt Bill 's cock at the entrance to her pussy . She was a little afraid of what getting fucked would feel like given that her ass and pussy were so badly bruised . Bill didn 't seem to care . Her pussy was wet and available and so he shoved it in as hard and fast as he could . He slammed his cock into Jennifer and as a result , slammed her body against the wall of the garage . This had the affect of crushing her tits , causing her to groan in pain . His cock seemed to be able to penetrate her pussy very easily . This surprised Jennifer a little as this was only the second cock she had ever had in her pussy . Then she remembered the fisting from the night before and it all made sense . Bill started to pound into her pussy , slamming her body against the wall and slapping her ass . Her sensitive pussy was gripping his cock as much as she could manage . She wanted this to be over as soon as possible . Bill however was able to maintain some level of control and kept fucking the girl for quite some time . Jennifer could feel an orgasm building and she was grateful . With all the pain in her body at present , an orgasm would be wonderful . She looked over at her father and he was just staring at the depraved scene in front of him . He began to wonder how his daughter could be this way , and if there were a way he could take advantage of it . Jennifer 's orgasm was fast approaching . She could tell it wouldn 't compare to the orgasm she had when her father fucked her , but it would be good . She started to shake and shudder as her orgasm hit . She was bouncing back against her neighbor , trying to get as much out of this fucking as possible . Bill seemed to sense what was going on and moved to fuck the girl faster . He wanted to try to orgasm with her . Finally his cum was spurting out of his cock into the teenaged pussy of his neighbor 's daughter . Jennifer 's orgasm was just about over as Bill came inside her . She was able to feel the full effect of a man cuming inside her and it felt great . It caused her to feel warm all over . When he was done he pulled out of her pussy and told her " clean up my dick . " Jennifer obediently turned around and got on her knees . She took Bill 's cock into her mouth and licked all of her pussy juice and his cum off of his dick . When she was done she stood up and grabbed her clothes and bag and said , " I 'm going to my room to get cleaned up and rest , if that 's ok with you daddy ? " He just nodded and Jennifer headed to her room . Read 418449 times | Would like to see more variety in method of punishment . Perhaps a cane for her ass and a heavy duty whip for her lovely breasts and teats . Make them bounce out of control and wobble to satisfy our lustful desires . |
Jennifer was an attractive girl . She was 5 ' 3 " and weighed about 110 pounds . She was admiring her naked body in the mirror of her room . She had a reasonably shapely body for a 17 year old girl . Her brunette hair hung down to her shoulders . Her breasts were good sized , about a c cup . She didn 't like her legs ; she felt they were a little to short . She felt her greatest asset was her ass . She turned to look at it . It was well rounded and firm . It had kind of a heart shape to it . She turned back and looked at her pussy . She would need to trim her pubic hair . She kept it trimmed to the point that there was a small patch just above her slit . She did this so she could wear high cut bikinis without fear of pubic hair showing . Yes she decided , she had a good body . She had a pretty face as well . She was the picture of a very sexy , cute 17 year old girl , yet she was miserable . She desperately wanted to hang out with the " Beautiful People . " At least that 's what they were called behind their backs . They were the most popular kids in school . One in particular , David , was someone she would do anything for . He was the best looking guy in school . Jennifer knew that she had no way of being part of that group . They were not only the most popular , but they also came from very rich families . Her parents provided for her , but they were by no means rich . She thought she would do anything to be able to hang around these people , especially if it meant getting near David . At school later on that day Jennifer saw Brittany . Brit as her friends called her , was recognized as the leader of the beautiful people . She was very domineering and very rich . No one questioned her when she wanted something . She also happened to be dating David . Jennifer had tried to become friends with Brit , but to no avail . She was constantly hanging around them , trying to get them to accept her . Little did she know that they had noticed her and that Brit had decided to do something about the little bitch that wouldn 't leave them alone . Everyone was hanging around Brittany 's locker . Jennifer walked up and just stood there as if she belonged . They were talking about a party that was going to be at Brittany 's that night . Jennifer hoped that she would get some sort of acknowledgement that would allow her to attend . Out of the clear blue Brittany turned to Jennifer and asked her " do you want to come ? " Jennifer was shocked . She couldn 't remember the last time Brittany actually spoke to her . Now she was being invited to a party . " Sure " she said . " What time should I be there ? " Jennifer asked . " Be there around 8 : 00pm . Oh , by the way , " Brittany said . " It 's a theme party so dress up in a toga . " Jennifer said , " ok , no problem . " Then the bell rang and everyone had to go to class and the group broke up . One of the girls there , a strikingly beautiful blond named Beth had a class with Jennifer and they went off together . " Just a piece of advice , " Beth offered . " I wouldn 't wear a bra or panties with the toga tonight . " Jennifer was shocked . " Why ? " Jennifer asked . " Because they would stand out and make you look ridiculous . The ancient Romans didn 't wear anything under their togas , so why should we . Besides , if you do you 'll get teased and may never be invited to a party again . " Jennifer didn 't know what ancient Romans wore under their togas , but she suspected they wore something . The threat of being teased and not being invited to another party was real however . She had seen how this group had unmercifully teased some poor girl just because her outfit didn 't match . They could be very cruel . She decided that she would take Beth 's advice . Jennifer got home after school as fast as possible . She wanted to get ready . Her mom helped pick out the sheet and all the stuff to help make her look good . Jennifer had to admit that the toga did look real . She got ready and left the house . She had a bra and panties on because she didn 't think her mother would approve her going out without them . Once she was a couple of blocks away she pulled her car over . She slipped her panties off then worked on her bra . When they were off she started to head to Brittany 's for the party . She had to admit that she felt pretty sexy with no underwear on and just a sheet to cover her up . It wouldn 't take much to get her naked . She was a virgin , but the idea of being mostly naked appealed to her . She had masturbated and let guys feel her up , so she wasn 't completely naive . If things worked out , maybe she could get naked with David . She would be more than happy to give him her virginity . She got to the party right on time . She started to mingle around with everyone . For the first time that she could remember , they were actually talking to her . She noticed that none of the girls appeared to be wearing a bra . She couldn 't tell if they were wearing panties . After a little while Brittany came up to Jennifer . " We have a little initiation for all newcomers to our group , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer hadn 't thought of anything like that , but she was willing to do what ever was necessary . She was having such a good time ; it was like a dream come true . The dream soon turned into a nightmare . " We 're all going to go out back to the pool . Then you get to go skinny dipping , in front of everyone . Don 't get too upset , everyone has had to do it . " Of course that wasn 't true , no one had been required to do that before . Jennifer was mortified . She had never been completely naked in front of anyone before . How could she be expected to get naked in front of all these people ? Brittany could read her thoughts on her face . " If you don 't want to do it that 's fine . Of course you 'll have to leave right now and stop hanging around us . We only want people around that belong . You will only belong if you do what I say when I say , " Brittany said harshly . Jennifer was shaking she was so upset . If she didn 't do it her dreams would be shattered . If she did it , all of these people would see her naked . " Hurry up bitch and decide . You know you don 't belong here . You 're not one of us . If you want to be here you have to do what I say , no matter what it is or get out . Your choice . " Brittany was meaner than Jennifer had ever heard her before . Brittany intimidated her . Jennifer didn 't consider herself shy , but she wasn 't aggressive either . She just stood there looking at Brittany trying to figure out what to do . " Fine bitch , get out . If you aren 't going to obey me then leave . I don 't want your fucking ass around anyway , " Brittany screamed . " N . . no , " Jennifer stuttered softly . " I 'll do what you ask . " Brittany lightened up . " Fine , let 's go . " " Hey everyone , let 's go outside and watch this little bitch go skinny dipping . " The crowd roared their approval . Jennifer just wanted to shrink away and die . How could she go along with this ? Was it worth it to hang around these people ? Then she saw David and he had a great big smile on his face and he was looking at her tits . It was then that Jennifer noticed that her nipples were hard . As she walked she felt moisture in her crotch . She was excited . She realized that she was sexually excited . Almost as if this is what she wanted , to be naked and humiliated in front of everyone . She slowly followed Brittany out to the pool area . When everyone was standing around the pool Brittany turned to Jennifer . " Ok bitch , prove to us that you deserve to be here . " Jennifer closed her eyes and took a deep breath . Then she reached for her belt and undid it . She threw the belt onto a lounge chair and grabbed the toga that now hung loosely on her . She quickly pulled it off and threw it on the chair with her belt . She was interested in getting this over with as quickly as possible . She now stood completely naked in front of at least twenty people . She was humiliated beyond anything she could ever have imagined . She blushed furiously . She looked at Brittany and waited for instructions . " Hands at your sides . Let everyone get a good look at you , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer had put her hands in front of her pussy in an effort to claim some modesty . Jennifer resigned herself to her fate . She figured she had gone this far , she might as well go all the way . She moved her hands to her sides . She noticed that David was again starring at her naked body . This made her feel warm all over . Somehow she had become sexually aroused by the thought of being humiliated in front of everyone , and the fact that David had an unobstructed view of her nudity just made her feel even more aroused . " Since you seem so willing , I 'm going to give you a break . You 've done a real nice job on your hair tonight ; I 'd hate to see it get wet so here 's the deal . If you agree to hang around the pool naked for the next half - hour , I 'll set three easy rules for you to follow and you can hang around us all the time . If you would rather go skinny dipping , that 's fine , but you 'll get no towel and you 'll have to dry off with your toga and still follow my three little rules . One way you get to put on a dry toga ; the other you put on a wet toga . What 'll it be ? " Brittany asked . Jennifer knew that there would be no way to explain a soaking wet sheet to her mother . " What about your parents ? " asked Jennifer . " Won 't they see me naked out here ? " " They 're out of town for the weekend , it 's just us . " Jennifer decided . " I 'll stay dry , " she announced . " Good . I thought you might . Ok , it 's 9 : 30 now , all you have to do is stay out her naked until 10 : 00 , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer was very self - conscious now . People were milling about and looking at her hard . She desperately wanted to cover up , but she knew Brittany wouldn 't let her . " One more thing , " Brittany said . " If anyone tries to touch you , anywhere , and I mean anywhere , you must let them . Is that understood ? " The stunned teenager just starred in disbelief . How could Brittany expect her to allow that ? Brittany again could see the question on Jennifer 's face . She just shrugged and said , " my party , my rules . " Jennifer just lowered her head and whispered , " fine . I 'll do what you want . " With that Brittany went into the house , along with most of the girls . A couple stayed outside to watch . The guy 's had known what Brittany was going to do ; yet none was too sure about really feeling up this girl they hardly knew . Finally David walked up to her and grabbed her right tit . Jennifer sighed at the touch and started to shake . She was so turned on by the scene that she could smell her pussy . He rubbed and kneaded her tit . She just stood there and let him . That was the sign the rest of the guys were waiting for , and they all started to feel her up . She had hands all over her tits , ass and pussy . She felt a couple of fingers work their way into her very wet pussy . She was getting really turned on by this whole scene . She opened her eyes and looked at the girls . They were watching the situation with interest . Jennifer felt that if it were just she and the guys , she would probably already be getting fucked . That made her happy and sad at the same time . When the 30 minutes were up , Brittany came out back and announced it to everyone . Jennifer was allowed to put her toga back on and go back inside . She was very worked up sexually , never quite getting to the point of orgasm . She desperately needed release , but had no idea how to achieve it . She would have to wait to go home and masturbate . Brittany called Jennifer over . " Ok , here are your three simple rules . One , you may never wear a bra or panties for as long as you are part of our group . Two , you must be willing and able to prove that you are in compliance with rule number one at all times to everyone here at the party . That means you will have to expose yourself or find some other way to prove it . That also means that anyone can at anytime demand to touch you anywhere they want , no matter where you are , to further prove you are following rule number one . Finally number three , you must follow all of my orders to the letter without question or delay , no matter what that order is . For instance , if I tell you to take your shirt off in the middle of the school hallway so that we can examine your tits , you will immediately take your shirt off and stand ready to allow us to examine you . Do you think you completely understand these rules ? " Jennifer was scared . She didn 't know what to do . She just knew if she didn 't agree she would no longer be able to hang out with these people . She had such a good time earlier that she wanted it to go on forever . She also had to admit to herself that for some reason , she was very turned on by being forced to strip in front of everyone , and even more turned on when she was forced to let them feel her up . " Just one question , " Jennifer said . " What happens if I don 't obey an order or am too slow to do what you ask or don 't prove I am obeying rule number one to someone 's satisfaction ? " " Simple . If you refuse to follow an order , your out , and there won 't be a second chance . If you are too slow or someone doesn 't think you have done your best to prove your obedience you will be punished . And to answer your next question , punishment can be anything from being severely spanked or whipped , anywhere on your body , to being forced to participate in a gang bang with a bunch of people you don 't know . I am sure I will be forced to spank and whip you and I can promise you that your tits , ass and pussy will feel the sting of the whip . If you 're a virgin , I suggest you loose it quickly because I can guarantee you that you will be fucked a lot if you hang around us . Does that answer your questions . " Jennifer just nodded her shock and amazement at what she just heard too much for her to allow her to speak . Jennifer was sort of numb for the rest of the party . She couldn 't believe how her dream had changed so dramatically . She wondered around the party talking to people and eventually relaxed and enjoyed the party . Occasionally she would feel a hand on her ass or her tit . Several times she felt hands penetrating her pussy . She did her best to ignore them and carry on as if nothing were out of the ordinary . When the party ended and everyone was heading towards home Brittany came up to Jennifer . " I 'll be over to your house at two tomorrow afternoon . Be in the proper attire , " Brittany ordered . Jennifer said , " ok , " and left for home . On the way home she thought about putting her bra and panties back on , but decided that it was late and her parents wouldn 't see her so what was the point . She got home and noticed her parents were already in bed . She went up to her room in a hurry . She was so horny she had to masturbate right away . She had unbuckled her belt and was removing the pins in her hair when she ran into her dad . She gave a start and said " hi daddy . " His eye 's roved over her body intently . She looked down to see that the sheet was hanging loose again , like at the party . Most of her tits were visible and one hip was plainly in sight . It was obvious she was not wearing panties or a bra . Her father cleared his throat and said , " I was coming down to make sure it was you coming into the house . Um , by the way , aren 't you missing something ? " Jennifer blushed to know her father was seeing her mostly naked and knew she wasn 't wearing underwear or a bra . " Please don 't tell mom , " she begged . " I would have looked real stupid wearing them , " she offered . She realized that he had not looked her in the face . He was eyeing her body , or at least what of it he could . When Jennifer realized this she flushed anew with sexual tension . She did nothing to cover herself up . Instead she reached over to the side that was pinned together and removed the pin . This caused the toga to fall from her right side and just hang off of her left shoulder . This had the effect of completely exposing her right tit and the entire right half of her body , including most of her pussy . She was so excited by exposing herself to her father ; it never dawned on her what he might do . " Please daddy , don 't tell mom , " Jennifer begged again . Her father , visibly upset by what he had seen , roughly grabbed his daughter by the elbow and forcefully walked her to her room . He threw her down on the bed and ordered her to wait for him . He stormed off . Jennifer didn 't know what had come over her and why she exposed herself to her father . He was really angry . She had never seen him that angry before . She just sat there shaking her head wondering what had gotten into her . While she was waiting for him she felt her pussy . It was soaking wet . She was becoming more and more convinced that humiliation was a turn on for her . She would soon learn that there is a price to pay sometimes for getting what you want . She would also soon learn that humiliation mixed with pain is a wonderful aphrodisiac . Her father stormed back into her bedroom , carrying his belt . " I 'll keep quiet , but you 'll have to be punished for your conduct , " he growled . Jennifer was frightened , yet excited at the same time . He told her to roll over face down on her bed . Jennifer was too scared to argue and moved to comply . Without warning he ripped the sheet from her body . She was now completely naked in front of her own father . She almost chuckled when she realized at the start of the night she hadn 't been naked in front of anyone , and now over t " You hold that position little girl while I give your ass the whipping of a life time , " her dad said . And without any warning she felt the sting of his belt hitting her ass . It felt like fire in her ass . She had no idea how bad this could hurt . She had hoped that she would be able to maintain dignity during this ordeal . Now she just prayed she could survive it . Again and again the belt landed on her ass . The pain was spreading . Her whole ass felt like it was on fire . The tingle of the pain was spreading throughout her body , especially to her pussy . As her father beat her ass over and over , she could feel her pussy start to juice up . Tears were freely streaming down her cheeks and she was screaming into her pillow . Yet the whole time this was going on she could feel her pussy getting hotter and hotter . Without realizing what she was doing , she started to spread her legs . Before long they were spread wide , giving her father a clear view of her virgin teenage pussy . This seemed to infuriate him and he hit her ass with renewed vigor . Her pussy was on fire . Her ass was practically numb . The more he beat her ass , the more excited she became . She didn 't know her pussy was spread , nor did she realize that she was lifting her ass to meet the belt as it came down . Her mind was spinning out of control . Her body was experiencing sensations she hadn 't ever felt before . All of a sudden it happened . The whole night came crashing in on her and she exploded into her most intense orgasm ever . She saw stars and a bright light as her orgasm hit . Her whole body convulsed and shook with the force of her orgasm . She screamed for all she was worth into her pillow . Her father had no idea what was going on and was afraid he had done some real damage . He just stood there and watched his daughter go through the throws of a very powerful orgasm . When it was finally over he looked down at his naked 17 year old daughter . Her legs were still spread wide . He could see her pussy clearly and it was soaking wet and spasming . He saw her body twiJennifer lay there for another half - hour trying to pull herself back together . She was finally able to move and go up off of her bed . She moved over to the mirror and looked at her ass . The asset she felt was her best was all red and bruised . She gingerly tried to touch it and felt that it was hot . She could barely touch it without feeling pain . She touched her pussy and discovered she was more wet than at any other time in her young life . She wasn 't too sure what to make of everything . It was too much for her at that point . She still wasn 't thinking too clearly . Her mind was still a blur . She decided to just go to bed and try to sleep . Jennifer woke up the next morning very sore . She moved over to her mirror and looked at her ass . The redness had mostly gone away . There were still some visible marks . She would be bruised on her ass for some time . She took a shower and threw on some sweats and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast . Her father was there drinking coffee and reading the morning paper . It was Saturday so he was off from work and she didn 't have school . " Where 's mom ? " she asked . " She went shopping , " he said . It was just a little too tense in the kitchen . Jennifer could tell her dad was still upset about last night . She decided that she had to do something about it , after all it was her fault . She looked at her father and said , " I 'm not upset that you whipped me last night . I deserved it , " she said . Jennifer took a deep breath and committed herself to an uncertain future . " I want you to know that I love you daddy and that I would never hold it against you if you decide I need a spanking or some other punishment . " As she continued , she noticed the shocked look on her father 's face . " I 'll try to be good , but if I 'm not and you think I need to be punished , then I 'll do my best to cooperate with anything you decide to do as a means of punishment . " He just sat there looking at her . He realized what she was saying , he just couldn 't believe he was hearing it . She had just told him in no uncertain terms that he could force her to strip and accept a whipping , or any other punishment he designed , without fear of retribution . This was indeed something to think about . His immediate response was to acknowledge her statement and ask her how her ass was doing . He actually said ass , not butt . She said it was still a little sore , but doing ok . He said he had better see to make sure everything was healing fine . Jennifer flushed a little and said fine . She moved over to where he was sitting . She turned her back to him and lowered her sweat pants . She pushed them all the way down to her ankles and lifter her top . She wanted him to have a clear view . She spread her legs as much as the sweats would allow and stood there with her naked ass in her fathers ' face . He tentatively reached out a hand and touched her ass . " It 's still a little hot and I can feel the ridges where the belt impacted your ass cheeks . No real damage though . You 'll heal , " he said . His hand was gently moving all over her ass . Jennifer just stood there waiting for him to finish . When he did she causally pulled up her pants and made herself some breakfast . The rest of the day passed like normal . Just before two she heard a car and wondered if it was her mom or Brittany . She looked out the window . It was Brittany . Jennifer went downstairs to let Brittany in . Jennifer introduced Brittany to her father and then they went to Jennifer 's room . Once they were in the room and the door was closed , Brittany ordered Jennifer to strip . Jennifer was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the command , but complied none the less , remembering what she had been told the night before . When she was naked Brittany ordered her to turn around . Jennifer didn 't know what she was going to say about her ass , but she was sure Brittany would ask about it . Sure enough when her ass came into Brittany 's view she asked , " what the hell happened to your ass ? " Jennifer explained to Brittany what had happened the night before , well most of it anyway . She didn 't tell Brittany about her orgasm . Brittany smiled as the story unfolded . " Well at least now you know what to expect when I have to whip you . Since he is doing such a good job on your ass , we 'll have to think about whipping you someplace else , " Brittany explained . While Jennifer was afraid of what that might mean , she was now excited about something that last night had terrified her . Brittany explained that a few of the girls were coming over to her house tonight since her parents were still out of town . Everyone would be spending the night . Did she think she could get away for the night ? Jennifer didn 't think that was a problem . " Good , " said Brittany . " Be over at my house by nine . Now for some fun . " " I want you to fully understand your place , " explained Brittany . " Around us you will be more like a slave than anything else . Around other people you 'll be just like one of us . That means you will have to dress better than you have been . I suggest you do some shopping . We don 't want to be embarrassed by you . When you 're around us you can expect to be naked a lot and have a lot of sex . Make sure you are protected . Now I have some shopping to do for tonight so I have to get going . But before I go I want to emphasize just how important it is for you to follow my orders . If you are too slow on this order I will march you , naked , down to your father and ask for his belt . I will then ask him to watch while I beat his daughters naked pussy . Do you understand ? " Jennifer mumbled " yes , I understand . " " From now on , unless we are in public , you will address me as mistress , understood ? " Brittany asked . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer responded . " Good . Now before I leave I want to see how you masturbate . " Jennifer was stunned . She had never even considered telling anyone she masturbated , let alone do it in front of anyone . She knew she had no choice however . Sure she could refuse , but then she would never realize her dream of having sex with David . She would also be forced from the group . She had already decided that she was willing to do whatever it took to be a member of the group by stripping in front of everyone last night . She wasn 't going to blow it so soon . So she swallowed her pride and said , " yes mistress . " Jennifer slowly lay down on her bed , spreading her legs wide as she went . She took one hand and lowered it to her pussy . She gently started to rub her clit . With her other hand she started to rub her tits . She was twisting her nipple and had shoved a couple of fingers into her pussy . She started to pump her fingers into her pussy , fucking it with her fingers . She opened her eyes to see that Brittany was watching her very intently . She kept the fingers pumping into her pussy . She was pumping furiously . She moved her other hand from her tits to her hand that was finger fucking her pussy . She grabbed the hand fucking her pussy and used it to help to pound her fingers into her pussy . She could feel the orgasm building up inside her . She could tell it would be more intense than what she normally experienced when she masturbated . She assumed it was due to the audience . She could feel it building . She would hit it very soon . Her hips were bucking up off the bed . She was driving her pussy up to meet her fingers . She could tell that within a few seconds she would be hitting her orgasm . Then it hit . It was more powerful than normal . Nothing compared to last night , but powerful indeed . She could feel her pussy spasming around her fingers as her orgasm hit . She slowly started to settle down and looked at Brittany . It was then that she realized that she still had her fingers in her wide spread pussy . She also realized that she had masturbated to orgasm in front of someone who was still mostly a stranger . This humiliated her terribly and she blushed deeply . " I 'm glad you 're embarrassed . You should be , " Brittany said . " As punishment for such a shameless act , you must be whipped by your father this afternoon . We 'll want to see the marks . Oh , and just for fun , make sure its someplace other than your ass , " Brittany said laughing . Jennifer was scarred now . How was she going to get her father to whip her again , and to do it somewhere other than her ass ? Worse yet , as bad as her ass hurt , how could she stand to be whipped somewhere else ? Again , she knew she had no choice . She answered , " yes mistress . Is there any place in particular you would like the marks to be ? " She prayed for a reasonable answer . It was not to be . " I think I would like to see the marks on your tits . You 've got nice full tits . I 'll bet they make a nice target . And if I were you I 'd shave off all of that pussy hair . It 'll go easier on you if you do . " Jennifer groaned , but simply responded , " yes mistress . " " Well I 've got to leave , " Brittany said . " I 'll see you tonight . " " Yes mistress , " was all Jennifer could manage . She got dressed and walked Brittany out to her car . Once back in the house she tried to think how to get her dad to do what Brittany ordered . " Your mother met a friend shopping and won 't be back until dinner time . Did you want a late lunch ? " her father asked . " Sure , " she responded . Her mind was not on what was going on around her . She was trying to think about how to get her father to whip her tits , and not on what she was doing . As a consequence she managed to drop a whole gallon of milk on the floor making a huge mess . " Awe shit , " she said . Her father was perturbed , not angry . When they got the mess cleaned up Jennifer decided to see if her father was angry enough over this to whip her . It was an accident and he normally didn 't get that upset over accidents , but it was all she could think of and time was running out . " If you wanted to whip me for making this mess , I 'd understand , " she said with eyes lowered . He looked at her with a stunned look on his face . " It 's no big deal . Accidents happen , " he responded . " But that was a whole gallon of milk and it happened because I wasn 't paying attention , " she pushed . Her father just looked at her . She looked up at him with an almost hopeful look in her eye . " Let 's cut through the bullshit Jennifer . Tell me I 'm wrong , but I think you want to be exposed in front of me and whipped . Am I right ? " Jennifer just stood there and starred at her father . How could she answer that question ? In her heart she knew he was right , but was she ready to admit it to her father , and herself ? " Well ? " he asked . She decided it was time for a little honesty , no matter what may come of it . " Yes , " Jennifer said . " What did you say ? " her father asked . " Yes , I want to be naked in front of you and whipped , " she said . There , she said it . Now what she wondered ? Her father stood there looking at her . After what seemed like an eternity he said , " fine , I 'll go and get my belt , you can take off your pants . " As he turned to leave Jennifer reached deep inside herself for courage and asked , " daddy would you please whip my tits instead of my ass ? " That stopped him dead in his tracks . She could tell he was trying to think about this latest and most bizarre turn of events . Finally he answered . " Fine , I 'll whip your tits , but you will be completely naked . Now go into the living room and wait for me , naked . " She responded with " yes daddy . " She saw him shiver and head for his room . She went into the living room and stripped naked . When he walked into the living room he was greeted with the site of his very beautiful and sexy 17 year old teenaged daughter standing in the middle of the room , naked . He just stopped and looked at her . Damn , he thought , she was hot . He walked up to her and positioned her in the middle of the room . This gave him the most room to maneuver . " Put your hands behind your head and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer immediately moved to comply . She noticed that by putting her hands behind her head her tits thrust out more , making a much more inviting target . " Are you ready ? " he asked . She just nodded . " Alright , here we go , " he announced . Within seconds she felt the most intense pain she had ever felt in her life . She was convinced her tits had been cut and were bleeding . She was screaming her head off with the pain . She managed to open her eyes and through the blur of tears she saw the angry red welt forming on her tits , but no blood . " We can 't have that kind of screaming . The neighbors will hear . I 'll have to gag you , " he said . She nodded , knowing that he was right . What happened next shocked Jennifer to her core . Her father removed his jeans and then his shorts so that he was naked from the waist down . She had never actually seen a dick out in the open . Sure she had sucked her boyfriends off , but she had never seen a dick out in plain sight . And it was bigger than her boyfriends were and it was very hard . He took his shorts and walked up to his daughter and said , " open wide . " Her eyes were already wide open from shock . She slowly opened her mouth as wide as she could get it . He then stuffed his shorts in her mouth and said , " that should take care of the screams . " Jennifer was shaking with both lust and shock . Lust at being naked and whipped by her father , and because he was naked from the waist down showing her a very large and hard cock . With shock because she would never have believed it possible to be in this situation . Her father was now back in position to resume whipping her tits . " Are you ready , " he asked . She nodded her head . She closed her eyes and waited . She didn 't have long to wait . The belt again smacked her full on the tits , just below her nipples . The pain was excruciating . It was all she could do to hold her position . Before she had fully recovered from that blow another hit , this time just above the nipples . It felt as if he were using a hot poker on her tits . She kept seeing stars and bright lights in her mind as the pain exploded throughout her tits . He kept whipping her tits , occasionally hitting her squarely across the nipples . This produced the most extreme of reactions . Her knees would buckle and he could hear her scream , even through his shorts in her mouth . His cock was so hard that he didn 't know if it would go down . He had never been this turned on in his life . His daughters ' tits were a mass of angry welts and bruises . Still , she stood there with her hands behind her head and her legs spread wide . He wondered if she knew that pussy juice was running down her legs . She had mostly recovered from the last blow that had landed on her nipples . " I 'm going to give you a choice . You can take five more across your nipples or twenty more elsewhere . It 's your choice . Nod once if you want the five or nod twice if you want the twenty . " Jennifer was struggling to maintain her sanity . Her father was whipping her on her tits . She was completely naked , and he was mostly naked . Now she had to make a terrible decision and it was all because she asked for it . Jennifer nodded once , knowing that five across her nipples would be excruciating pain , but the tingling in her pussy told her that was what she wanted . " All right , here goes , " her father said . With a force not yet felt by Jennifer , her father landed five very powerful blows across her nipples . The pain was so intense that Jennifer had collapsed to her knees by the fifth stroke . She was practically hysterical she was crying so hard . When she finally regained some control she stood back up and assumed her position . Without saying a word her father walked up to her and put his hand on her pussy . He felt around and shoved a finger up inside her . There was no resistance since her pussy was so wet he probably could have shoved his fist inside her . He continued to manipulate her pussy , making sure to work on her clit . She mewled as he did this . She moved her hips in a fucking motion against his fingers . The orgasm hit without warning . Her senses were so messed up as a result of the whipping she had no idea she was that close . As her orgasm hit , she closed her legs holding her fathers ' hand in place . She was having an orgasm at least as powerful as the one she had last night when her father whipped her ass . She was getting weak from the effects of the orgasm . She was barely aware of her surroundings . She reached out to hold on to her father , as she was no longer able to stand on her own . It seemed to last forever . When it was finally over she opened her eyes and looked into her fathers ' eyes . He was clearly shocked at what had just happened . He removed his shorts from his daughters ' mouth and sat down on the couch . Jennifer stood there looking at her very whipped tits and then at her father . " Is that what you wanted ? " he asked . She looked at him and said , " yes , but I had no idea how bad it would hurt . " " Well , you seemed to get off on it ok , so I guess you got what you wanted . What am I supposed to do with this raging hard on ? " Jennifer knew what he was hinting at . He wanted her to do something about his hard on . After all , he had given her two of the best orgasms of her life ; she felt she owed him . She could give him a blowjob ; she knew how to do that . Then she remembered what Brittany had said . " If you 're a virgin , better lose it fast . " Jennifer wondered what her dad would think if he knew that he was going to deflower his own daughter . Jennifer was still so worked up over the whipping and the whole crazy scene that it didn 't even bother her a little to think she was going to fuck her own father . She just walked up to him on the couch , looked him in the eye , and without saying a word , positioned herself over his cock . She reached down and grabbed it . She put its head against the opening of her pussy , not taking her eyes off of her father the whole time . Once his dick was in place , she started to slowly lower herself onto her fathers cock . It was a huge dick . She had no idea if she could get it all the way inside of her . She just kept lowering herself onto his cock . He was stretching her pussy wide . She felt like she was taking a telephone pole up her pussy . With about half of it inside of her she stopped and moved back up . Having never had a cock in her pussy before she didn 't know what to expect . She got to the point that her fathers cock was just inside her pussy and then she started moving back down . She was moving down faster than before and this time his cock moved into her more easily . She almost had all of his cock inside of her pussy . She was feeling so full she couldn 't believe she had as much of his cock inside her as she did . The feeling in her pussy was so great she didn 't want it to end . This time she moved up more quickly and almost slammed her pussy back down . The sensation and pain in her pussy set her aflame with lust once again . She felt his pubic hair on her ass and looked down to see that she had his whole cock buried inside her . She was shaking with lust at the sight . She looked back at her father and he had a look of satisfaction on his face . She started to fuck him as well as she could . She wasn 't experienced at all , so she wasn 't sure what to do . She just went with instinct and did what felt good . She was moving with reckless abandon . She was literally throwing herself on to his cock . Her father just sat there and watched as his beautiful 17 year old daughter fucked herself on his dick . He was so worked up from the whipping and the masturbation of his daughter that it didn 't take long for him to approach orgasm . He could feel his cum getting ready to spurt into his daughters ' pussy . Jennifer was also approaching another mind - blowing orgasm . She was bouncing up and down on her fathers ' cock . She was amazed at how easily her pussy stretched to accommodate his cock . She felt his cock tighten up . She had no idea what that meant of course since this was her first time . She did know that her own orgasm was fast approaching . The friction of her fathers ' cock on her clit was sending her to new heights of sexual release . She loved being fucked . If Brittany was intent on humiliating her and hurting her and getting her fucked , she was all for it . She would do what ever Brittany ordered as long as she got what she needed . She realized that this made her a slut , but to be able to feel like she did right then , she was willing to accept that reality . Her fathers cock stiffened incredibly inside of her and then she felt his cum exploding inside of her . The feeling of the warm slippery fluid being pumped into her teenaged pussy was too much for her . She came and came and came . The feelings were so intense that she started to black out . Just before she lost consciousness she felt her father grab her tits and squeeze . The pain was all it took to complete her mind shattering orgasm . She just limply lay against her father , her pussy spasming with the after throws of an intense orgasm and her fathers ' cock twitching inside her pussy . When she woke up she was in her room on her bed . She was still naked and her sweats were on the floor next to her . She had no idea how long she had been like this . She reached down to clutch her pussy . She was still wet . She brought her hand up to her face and she noticed that she had something other than pussy juice on her fingers . It had to be her fathers cum . She brought her fingers to her mouth and licked them clean . She decided she needed to shower to get ready for tonight . She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror . Her tits were bruised and stripped . She was in shock at how bad they looked . Her ass wasn 't much better . She decided it was probably a " Very nice , " he said . " Why did you do that ? " " Because my friend suggested that I do it . She 's also the one that suggested you should whip my tits , " she responded . " You like what 's happening to you don 't you ? " he asked . " Yes I do . I didn 't know it until last night , but I do like to be humiliated and hurt . I have also discovered I like to be fucked . " He cringed when he heard that . He knew what that meant . " So , will this friend humiliate and hurt you ? " he wondered . " Yes she will , " Jennifer said . She didn 't want her father to know why . " I was also hoping you might be interested in doing some more ? I 've liked what we 've done so far , " she asked hopefully . He sat there for what seemed like forever to Jennifer . " We 'll continue with what we 've done today and last night , if that is what you really want . But understand this , I will use every hole you 've got , even your asshole . I 'll also be inflicting a great deal of pain on your body . If that is what you want then go over to that drawer and bring me the thongs we use for hot dogs on the grill , or if it 's not then simply pull up your pants and leave . " She didn 't even hesitate . She shuffled over to the drawer and pulled out the thongs her father had requested . " Bring them over her and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer was unable to spread her legs with her pants around her ankles , so she removed them completely and then spread her legs wide . Her father reached out and grabbed her clit and she moaned with her approval of his rough handling . He then brought up the thongs to her pussy and grasped her clit between the ends and started to squeeze , hard . He squeezed and squeezed . Her clit was in extreme pain . Tears were running down her face . She didn 't try to stop him however ; she just stood there taking the punishment . Finally his hand got tired and he let go . Blood rushed back to her clit and the pain of that was almost as bad as when it was being squeezed . He told her to wash and put away the thongs and then to get dressed . As Jennifer was pulling her pants up she felt her pussy and found it soaking wet . She decided that this was further confirmation of what she was , a pain slut . She went to her room to get ready for tonight . Jennifer knew that she would spend the night at Brittany 's naked . For that reason it didn 't matter what she put into the bag , it wouldn 't be needed . She said goodbye to her parents and headed for Brittany 's . Her mind was trying to cope with what had happened over the past couple of days . Over twenty people had seen her naked and she had her ass and tits beaten . She had lost her virginity , to her father none the less , and now was on her way to a party that was certain to cause her great pain and humiliation . The amazing thing was she was excited about the prospect and was looking forward to it . She shoved her hand inside her pants to feel her newly shaved bald pussy and found she was wet just thinking about what might happen . She finally arrived at Brittany 's and went to the door . She left the bag in the car , as she was certain she wouldn 't need anything from it . Brittany opened the door looking as beautiful as ever . " I see that you had the guts to show . Good , we 're gonna have real fun . But you have too many clothes on to come into my house . If you want to come in you 'll have to be naked . You can put your clothes in your car if you want , you won 't need them tonight . " It was worse than Jennifer had feared . She had not expected to be naked outside where someone could see her . But she was determined to see it through . She had already accepted the fact that she was a slut and loved the pain and humiliation , so she just had to work up the courage to go through with it . She took a deep breath and took off her shirt and shorts and shoes . Now standing completely naked on Brittany 's front step she hurriedly went to her car to put her clothes in it . She furtively looked around to see if anyone was watching . She couldn 't see anyone , she just hoped no one saw her . Once she had her clothes in her car she quickly returned to where Brittany was standing . " I see you 've learned your lessons well , " she said . " I also see you took my advice and shaved your pussy and had someone whip your tits . Was it your father ? " she asked . Jennifer responded with " yes mistress . " " Good . By the way , you will refer to me as mistress all night , understood ? " " Yes mistress , " she whispered . This whole conversation was happening out in the open on Brittany 's doorstep . All she wanted to do is get into the house . Brittany now just stood there and looked at Jennifer . It was as if she were waiting for something . All of a sudden Jennifer head a car drive past and heard a bunch of yelling and carrying on . She realized that Brittany had arranged for a carload of boys to drive past while she was naked outside her house . They only saw her ass , but it was enough to embarrass her . " Ok , now we can go inside , " Brittany announced . Once inside the house they went down to the basement were all the other girls were already waiting for them . As Jennifer walked in the room got quiet . They were all starring at her bruised tits . " You should see her ass , " Brittany announced . Jennifer blushed deeply . She was an object to them , nothing more . Jennifer knew it would be a long night , and indeed it was . The pain and humiliation started as soon as she arrived . Two different girls fisted her recently deflowered pussy ; her tits were completely covered with wax and she had a fat candle shoved up her ass while it was lit and she was upside down . The wax dripped down to her ass and hit her pussy . They slapped her tits and pussy . The whole time she was in a state of sexual arousal and had more orgasms than she could count . Finally it got late and the girls were settling down . The girl named Beth that she had a class with walked up to her and lifted her T - shirt . She was naked underneath . " You 're going to eat my pussy you little bitch , " she said . This was by far the worse thing that happened to her that night . She had gotten off on all the pain , but this was different . Jennifer looked at Brittany for guidance , but all she did was smile . Jennifer knew that she would have to do it . She edged forward on her knees until she was right in front of Beth 's pussy . It was neatly trimmed and Jennifer realized that she tanned naked . Jennifer took a deep breath and opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue . She made contact with Beth 's pussy and Beth almost jumped out of her skin . Jennifer had no idea what to do so she just started to lick her pussy like she was licking an ice cream cone . She started to taste something and realized it was Beth 's pussy juice . " Put your whole mouth over my pussy and stick your tongue inside of my pussy , " Beth ordered . Jennifer moved to obey and when she stuck her tongue inside Beth 's pussy she heard the girl groan . She started to suck on Beth 's pussy and licking it . She could feel Beth starting to grind her pussy into Jennifer 's face . " Nibble on my clit and on my pussy lips , " Beth ordered . Obviously Beth knew what she wanted out of this experience , and Jennifer was happy to get the advice . She did what she was told . A few minutes later she felt Beth stiffen up and then shake all over . She was having an orgasm , all because Jennifer was giving her head . When Beth was calmed down a little she said , " not bad . Your first time I assume ? " Jennifer just nodded her head . After that it didn 't take long and Jennifer had a line of girls waiting to be treated to what Beth had gotten . Brittany laughed and Jennifer resigned herself to the fact she was going to eat out every pussy there . By the time that Jennifer was allowed to go to sleep she had eaten every pussy there , even Brittany 's . The first girl , Beth , came back for seconds . She commented to Jennifer that her skills had improved . It was probably the most backward complement she had ever received . She settled down under some blankets to go to sleep and reached for her pussy . She had eaten out all those girls , but she had not received any satisfaction . She touched her bald pussy and found it wet . She started to stroke her clit and the feelings overwhelmed her . She became more aggressive and shoved a couple of fingers inside her pussy . She was fully masturbating now . She was close to her orgasm . Her hand was moving fast and her pussy swelled up with desire . Just as she was about to cum she felt a hand on the blankets . She opened her eyes just in time to see Brittany yank the blankets off of her , exposing her to Brittany while she was in the middle of masturbating herself to orgasm . The humiliation of being discovered played on her emotions and she kept up her activities . Her hips began to bounce and gyrate to the rhythm of her hand . She threw her head back and spread her legs and came with a furious intensity . She knew she was being watched , and this turned her on big time . After she finally calmed down she reopened her eyes and saw not only Brittany , but also Beth . " That was a nice show , " Beth commented . " You didn 't have permission to masturbate bitch so you 'll have to be punished . Tomorrow morning at breakfast , in front of everyone , you 'll get your pussy whipped . It will hurt worse than your ass or your tits . Sleep well , " Brittany , said . Jennifer was scarred now . She remembered the pain in her pussy from the thongs and realized that was not going to be even close to the kind of pain she would feel in the morning . She just curled up into a ball and tried to sleep . Jennifer woke up ; surprised she could sleep at all . As she got up she felt very self - conscious because she was the only person wondering around naked . Brittany walked up to her and said , " let 's go to the living room . Everyone will eventually be there and we 'll get to your punishment . " Jennifer shivered at the thought that she was going to let someone whip her pussy . She followed Brittany to the living room of her house . A number of the girls were already there . In the daylight they got a much better view of her bruised and battered tits and ass . She wanted crawl off somewhere and hide . When everyone was there Brittany got up in front of everyone . " This little slut was caught masturbating without permission last night . Her punishment is to get her pussy whipped . There are twelve of us . I 'm going to give her a choice . She can take five from each girl for a total of 60 , or she can take 50 from me . I should point out that I have a very good aim and can guarantee that I will hit your clit a large number of times . The other girls may not be as good and you may get lucky . I 'll leave it up to you . " Jennifer thought it over and decided while the number was higher , she was hoping some of the girls might show her mercy and not hit her too hard . She knew that Brittany would hit her hard and believed that Brittany would score a large number on her clit . " I would like to have everyone give me five on my pussy mistress , " Jennifer stated . They pulled a coffee table over to the middle of the room and placed Jennifer on he back on the table . Brittany had Jennifer hold her legs up and back , fully exposing her pussy for all to see . The table was rather short for her body so her head hung off the other end . " Now you must hold that position . If you fail to keep your legs apart with your pussy open for us to see and beat , then we start the whole process over . Is that clear ? " Brittany stated . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer replied . She only hoped she could hold this position . 60 was bad enough , if that number were to be increased she didn 't think she would be able to take it . She was afraid of permanent damage as it was . The first girl to grab the belt that Brittany brought for the occasion was Beth . She was still wearing the T - shirt she wore the night before . Everyone else was dressed . Jennifer had to admit that Beth was beautiful , probably the best looking girl there . She realized that the idea of being exposed to someone so beautiful was turning her on . Fear crept into her mind as she saw Beth practice with the belt on the couch . Jennifer 's breathing increased and her heart pounded as she held her position waiting for the first blow . Beth stepped up to the table that held Jennifer with her pussy an open invitation for the belt and took her first swing . The belt landed on the right side of Jennifer 's pussy . The pain was intense , almost as intense as when her father beat her tits . She struggled not to scream . The next three blows hit on either side of he slit . Jennifer had closed her eyes tightly and tears were streaming down her face . Her pussy was on fire with both pain and lust . Beth 's fifth and final stroke hit its target . The belt bisected her pussy lips and found the girls ' clit . The most horrible scream erupted from Jennifer 's mouth . The pain was so extreme she felt like she was going to pass out . The inhuman screaming coming from Jennifer shock up the other girls a great deal . Brittany waited until Jennifer calmed down and stopped screaming and shaking . When that finally happened she asked Jennifer , " are you ready for the next girl ? " Jennifer wanted so bad to be able to say no , I don 't want anymore , but she didn 't . Even through the haze of pain she could tell her pussy was getting wet from the situation . As she thought about it she could only imagine the sight that she presented . Lying on her back , holding her legs back and spread , her bald pussy open for all to see , and whip . It was so lude and depraved it made her shiver with lust . She responded to the question posed to her in the only way she could , " yes mistress , I 'm ready . " The next girl walked up and grabbed the belt . Her first blow caused Jennifer to scream even though it didn 't hit her clit . Her pussy was so sensitized by what was going on and the emotional state she was in , there was no way she wouldn 't scream . " We can 't have that screaming now can we , " Beth said . With that she removed her T - shirt and walked over to where Jennifer 's head was located . Jennifer looked up at the completely naked Beth and admired her beauty . She was even more gorgeous naked than Jennifer believed possible . She apparently liked to show off her body because she didn 't even hesitate to get naked . Beth spread her legs and proceeded to lower he pussy to Jennifer 's mouth . " Suck on this while you get your punishment . Maybe eating my pussy will keep you quiet . " Jennifer opened her mouth and began to work on Beth 's pussy . With all the recent experience she had , Beth was near her first orgasm before too long . Everyone took her turn whipping her pussy . She would scream into Beth 's pussy on almost every stroke , but most especially if someone managed to hit her clit . By the time it was Brittany 's turn Jennifer 's pussy was throbbing and red and puffy from being hit 55 times . Her clit had swollen up and was poking out from under its hood , making a very inviting target . Beth had stayed on Jennifer 's mouth the whole time . The screams seemed to cause her great pleasure . Beth had more orgasms from the work of Jennifer 's mouth than she could count . Brittany lined up to give Jennifer her last five lashes . Jennifer had no idea how many lashes she had left or who had done what to her . When she heard Brittany speak , she started to shake in fear . " I 'm the last one slut . I hope your ready for some serious pain . " Jennifer was ready . She had come so close to orgasm several times . While she was afraid of the pain it would cause if Brittany hit her clit , she was secretly hoping that she would because she knew that it would push her over the edge and give her a powerful orgasm . The first lash hit Jennifer squarely on her clit . It was by far the most powerful stroke she had felt yet . Her scream into Beth 's pussy was enough to send the beautiful girl into another orgasm . Brittany took her time and lined up for the second lash . It hit Jennifer 's clit again . It was all Jennifer could do to hold her legs apart . The pain was excruciating . The third lash hit her clit again and it caused her to lose control . She started to buck her hips and squirm all over the table . " Help me out . Someone hold her down , " Brittany called out . Jennifer felt hands all over her body holding her in place . The fourth lash also connected with her clit and Jennifer was almost hysterical . She was so close to orgasm that in what was left of her mind she was actually hoping the fifth stroke would hit her clit . She got her wish and she went into such a powerful orgasm that her mind couldn 't handle all of the sensations and she passed out . When she woke up she was lying on a soft bed with some very worried looking girls standing watch . " You were out for almost an hour . We were going to call an ambulance if you didn 't wake up soon , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer tried to get up but the pain in her pussy made her lay back down . " Here 's a bag of ice . Your pussy is pretty swollen and bruised . This might help . " Jennifer took the bag of ice from Brittany and put it on her pussy . The sensation of that much cold on her overheated pussy was quite a shock to her system . Once she got over the initial sensation , her pussy did feel a little better . " Thank you mistress , it does feel better , " Jennifer explained . " I 'm sorry we hurt you so bad . I had no idea that it would hurt so much that you would pass out , " Brittany offered . Jennifer knew the real reason she passed out . Yes she was in a great deal of pain and she was paying for it now . But she knew she didn 't pass out from the pain but from the best orgasm she had since her father beat her tits . She wasn 't too sure she wanted to explain the truth to Brittany because it would confirm to everyone there that she was a pain slut and got off on it . But she couldn 't let Brittany think she had hurt her so bad that she passed out either . Brittany was obviously upset about the situation . She decided she had to tell the truth . " I didn 't pass out from the pain , " Jennifer explained . Everyone looked at her with a questioning look . Everyone that is except Beth , she had a huge smile on her face . Jennifer took a deep breath and explained to everyone what happened . " I was in a great deal of pain . I seem to have a high tolerance to it however . It also happens to be a major turn on to me . When Brittany hit my clit with all five of her strokes , it was the trigger necessary for me to have a mind shattering orgasm . The orgasm was so powerful that it caused me to pass out . I 'm sorry I scarred you , but I don 't seem to have any control over the situation . " " I knew it , " said Beth . " I 've heard of people who get off on pain and humiliation , but I never believed I would ever meet one . " Everyone just starred at Jennifer . She blushed anew from all the wild stares she was getting . " Well , we 'll have to see what we can do to satisfy you . Can you move yet ? " Brittany asked . " I think so mistress , " Jennifer replied . This time she was able to move . She kept the ice pack on her pussy as she walked to try to ease the pain . " If you 're serious about what you told us , I will have to do some thinking on how we can accommodate you . When you lose your virginity let me know . The guy 's would like to use you as a party favor , if that agrees with you , " Brittany said . Jennifer took another deep breath and said , " I have already lost my virginity . I would very much like to be a party favor for the guys . I seem to get turned on by humiliation as well as pain and I 've discovered I love to fuck . " This statement seemed to shock Brittany quite a bit because she was only able to stutter a simple ok to Jennifer . They got back down to the basement and all the girls were getting the place cleaned up . Jennifer was not required to help . She just sat on a chair , naked holding the ice pack to her pussy . When the party started to break up everyone went out to her car , including Jennifer . Brittany walked Jennifer to her car and as Jennifer reached for her clothes Brittany grabbed her arm . " I think you should drive home naked . You can get dressed at home before you go into your house . If you 're lucky , no one will notice that you are naked and have bruised and battered tits . " This was a little much for Jennifer . It was one thing to be the sex object that everyone could abuse in private . It was a much more different thing to be on display for the whole town to see . She looked into Brittany 's eyes and knew it was useless to argue . Jennifer went over to the drivers ' side and got in . She looked up at Brittany begging for mercy in her eyes . Brittany offered no sympathy . All the way home Jennifer kept a watchful eye out for anyone that she knew or that might be able to see that she was completely naked driving her car . She took all back roads home . The normal twenty - five minute drive took almost forty - five minutes . About three blocks from home she saw her mothers ' car coming at her . Her heart started to pound and her hands stated to sweat and get slippery on the steering wheel . She didn 't know what to do . She knew that if her mother looked over at her as they passed she would see that Jennifer was naked and that her tits were badly bruised . She only had seconds to think . All she could do was to slouch down and hope her mother didn 't look too carefully . As they passed her mother honked her horn and waived at her daughter . Jennifer gave a weak wave back and kept going . Her mother must not have seen anything or didn 't think anything strange about her daughter being so slouched down , because she just kept going . When she got home she pulled into her driveway . She noticed for the first time that it was somewhat private and she could get into her house without anyone seeing her . She decided not to get dressed as she was in so much pain from the whippings this weekend , clothes would only aggravate the situation . She wasn 't worried about her dad seeing her naked , not after what happened yesterday . She just grabbed her clothes and bag she had packed and walked into the house through the garage . She met her father in the garage and to her horror her neighbor . They both turned to look at whoever it was that was walking into the garage . Both men just stared with their mouths open . Jennifer was equally stunned and stood there with her mouth open . She was so stunned she didn 't even try to cover up . Finally her father spoke up , " honey , you know our neighbor Bill . " " Ya . . ya , h hi Bill , " Jennifer stammered . A very stunned Bill spoke up . " What happened to you and why are you naked . " Jennifer could see that her father was a little nervous and she knew she had better come up with a good story . " Well I 'm naked because I didn 't think anyone would see me , except possibly my father and as you can see I have some pretty bad bruises in some rather sensitive area 's . I didn 't want to wear cloths because they would be painful on the tender areas , " Jennifer explained . " Ok I can accept that , but how did you get so bruised ? " Bill asked . Jennifer swallowed hard and explained , " I like to be hurt and humiliated . I get off on it . My father whipped me on my ass and my tits . I wanted it and was finally able to convince him to do it . The girls I spent the night with last night whipped my pussy this morning . I can have a very intense orgasm when being whipped as I have been . " Bill was shocked . He couldn 't take his eyes off of the naked teenager with the angry welts and bruises all over her tits and pussy . He hadn 't seen her ass yet . Which made him ask , " could I see your ass ? " Jennifer slowly turned around to show him her battered ass . " My god , " was all he could say . Jennifer 's father finally spoke up . " Well Bill , as you can see my daughter and I have a very special relationship . " " No kidding , " Bill said . " You 're free to talk to my daughter when I 'm not around . You 'll find that this is all very consensual and she really does like what has happened to her . Of course , my wife knows nothing of this , and she can 't . She wouldn 't understand . I hope we can count on your keeping this between us Bill . " " On one condition , " Bill said . " I want in . I want to be able to punish her and see her naked and everything else . I get that and I stay quiet . " Jennifer groaned while still showing them her ass . On hearing what Bill had to say she just slumped down as if the fight was gone . She was the plaything of the " Beautiful People " so that she could hang around them and be part of their group , if only as a sex toy . She and her father had a special thing going on that she was excited about , and now her neighbor was going to use and abuse her . Where will it end she wondered ? " It 's up to you Jennifer . What do you want to do ? " her father asked . Jennifer turned around and faced the two men again . " If Bill is serious about keeping quiet , then I 'm willing to let him do what ever he wants , " Jennifer replied . " Great , " Bill responded . " For starters , how about you getting your sexy ass over here . " Jennifer 's dad just stood back and watched . Jennifer walked over to where Bill was standing and stood in front of him . She had her legs slightly parted to give him a better view . He wasn 't interested in a view however . He reached out his hand and grabbed her pussy . Jennifer took in a sharp breath and jumped a little . " Sorry , " she said . " It 's a little tender . " " And wet , " Bill shot back . Jennifer blusJennifer looked at her father for guidance . Right now the way he was playing with her pussy and with the intense emotion associated with the humiliation of being a new toy for her neighbor , Jennifer really wanted to be fucked . Jennifer 's father looked her in the eye and he could tell what she wanted . He suddenly started smiling for the first time since she walked into the garage . He knew his daughter was a complete slut and he and his neighbor were going to have great fun with her . " It 's up to Jennifer , " he said . " I don 't care if you do , only that it 's ok with Jennifer . " Bill looked at Jennifer . Jennifer desperately needed to be fucked . The past few minutes had worked her up something fierce . " Alright , you can fuck me " Jennifer replied . With that Bill grabbed Jennifer by the arm and threw her against the wall . She bounced with a thud and dropped her cloths and bag . Bill walked up to her and spun her around so her ass was facing him . He kicked her legs apart and pulled her ass out back towards him . Things were happening so fast that Jennifer had no time to think . She had told him it was ok to fuck her , but she didn 't think that he would do it in front of her father . He didn 't seem to care however as he just stood there watching . She heard a zipper and then felt Bill 's cock at the entrance to her pussy . She was a little afraid of what getting fucked would feel like given that her ass and pussy were so badly bruised . Bill didn 't seem to care . Her pussy was wet and available and so he shoved it in as hard and fast as he could . He slammed his cock into Jennifer and as a result , slammed her body against the wall of the garage . This had the affect of crushing her tits , causing her to groan in pain . His cock seemed to be able to penetrate her pussy very easily . This surprised Jennifer a little as this was only the second cock she had ever had in her pussy . Then she remembered the fisting from the night before and it all made sense . Bill started to pound into her pussy , slamming her body against the wall and slapping her ass . Her sensitive pussy was gripping his cock as much as she could manage . She wanted this to be over as soon as possible . Bill however was able to maintain some level of control and kept fucking the girl for quite some time . Jennifer could feel an orgasm building and she was grateful . With all the pain in her body at present , an orgasm would be wonderful . She looked over at her father and he was just staring at the depraved scene in front of him . He began to wonder how his daughter could be this way , and if there were a way he could take advantage of it . Jennifer 's orgasm was fast approaching . She could tell it wouldn 't compare to the orgasm she had when her father fucked her , but it would be good . She started to shake and shudder as her orgasm hit . She was bouncing back against her neighbor , trying to get as much out of this fucking as possible . Bill seemed to sense what was going on and moved to fuck the girl faster . He wanted to try to orgasm with her . Finally his cum was spurting out of his cock into the teenaged pussy of his neighbor 's daughter . Jennifer 's orgasm was just about over as Bill came inside her . She was able to feel the full effect of a man cuming inside her and it felt great . It caused her to feel warm all over . When he was done he pulled out of her pussy and told her " clean up my dick . " Jennifer obediently turned around and got on her knees . She took Bill 's cock into her mouth and licked all of her pussy juice and his cum off of his dick . When she was done she stood up and grabbed her clothes and bag and said , " I 'm going to my room to get cleaned up and rest , if that 's ok with you daddy ? " He just nodded and Jennifer headed to her room . Read 418320 times | Would like to see more variety in method of punishment . Perhaps a cane for her ass and a heavy duty whip for her lovely breasts and teats . Make them bounce out of control and wobble to satisfy our lustful desires . |
Jennifer was an attractive girl . She was 5 ' 3 " and weighed about 110 pounds . She was admiring her naked body in the mirror of her room . She had a reasonably shapely body for a 17 year old girl . Her brunette hair hung down to her shoulders . Her breasts were good sized , about a c cup . She didn 't like her legs ; she felt they were a little to short . She felt her greatest asset was her ass . She turned to look at it . It was well rounded and firm . It had kind of a heart shape to it . She turned back and looked at her pussy . She would need to trim her pubic hair . She kept it trimmed to the point that there was a small patch just above her slit . She did this so she could wear high cut bikinis without fear of pubic hair showing . Yes she decided , she had a good body . She had a pretty face as well . She was the picture of a very sexy , cute 17 year old girl , yet she was miserable . She desperately wanted to hang out with the " Beautiful People . " At least that 's what they were called behind their backs . They were the most popular kids in school . One in particular , David , was someone she would do anything for . He was the best looking guy in school . Jennifer knew that she had no way of being part of that group . They were not only the most popular , but they also came from very rich families . Her parents provided for her , but they were by no means rich . She thought she would do anything to be able to hang around these people , especially if it meant getting near David . At school later on that day Jennifer saw Brittany . Brit as her friends called her , was recognized as the leader of the beautiful people . She was very domineering and very rich . No one questioned her when she wanted something . She also happened to be dating David . Jennifer had tried to become friends with Brit , but to no avail . She was constantly hanging around them , trying to get them to accept her . Little did she know that they had noticed her and that Brit had decided to do something about the little bitch that wouldn 't leave them alone . Everyone was hanging around Brittany 's locker . Jennifer walked up and just stood there as if she belonged . They were talking about a party that was going to be at Brittany 's that night . Jennifer hoped that she would get some sort of acknowledgement that would allow her to attend . Out of the clear blue Brittany turned to Jennifer and asked her " do you want to come ? " Jennifer was shocked . She couldn 't remember the last time Brittany actually spoke to her . Now she was being invited to a party . " Sure " she said . " What time should I be there ? " Jennifer asked . " Be there around 8 : 00pm . Oh , by the way , " Brittany said . " It 's a theme party so dress up in a toga . " Jennifer said , " ok , no problem . " Then the bell rang and everyone had to go to class and the group broke up . One of the girls there , a strikingly beautiful blond named Beth had a class with Jennifer and they went off together . " Just a piece of advice , " Beth offered . " I wouldn 't wear a bra or panties with the toga tonight . " Jennifer was shocked . " Why ? " Jennifer asked . " Because they would stand out and make you look ridiculous . The ancient Romans didn 't wear anything under their togas , so why should we . Besides , if you do you 'll get teased and may never be invited to a party again . " Jennifer didn 't know what ancient Romans wore under their togas , but she suspected they wore something . The threat of being teased and not being invited to another party was real however . She had seen how this group had unmercifully teased some poor girl just because her outfit didn 't match . They could be very cruel . She decided that she would take Beth 's advice . Jennifer got home after school as fast as possible . She wanted to get ready . Her mom helped pick out the sheet and all the stuff to help make her look good . Jennifer had to admit that the toga did look real . She got ready and left the house . She had a bra and panties on because she didn 't think her mother would approve her going out without them . Once she was a couple of blocks away she pulled her car over . She slipped her panties off then worked on her bra . When they were off she started to head to Brittany 's for the party . She had to admit that she felt pretty sexy with no underwear on and just a sheet to cover her up . It wouldn 't take much to get her naked . She was a virgin , but the idea of being mostly naked appealed to her . She had masturbated and let guys feel her up , so she wasn 't completely naive . If things worked out , maybe she could get naked with David . She would be more than happy to give him her virginity . She got to the party right on time . She started to mingle around with everyone . For the first time that she could remember , they were actually talking to her . She noticed that none of the girls appeared to be wearing a bra . She couldn 't tell if they were wearing panties . After a little while Brittany came up to Jennifer . " We have a little initiation for all newcomers to our group , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer hadn 't thought of anything like that , but she was willing to do what ever was necessary . She was having such a good time ; it was like a dream come true . The dream soon turned into a nightmare . " We 're all going to go out back to the pool . Then you get to go skinny dipping , in front of everyone . Don 't get too upset , everyone has had to do it . " Of course that wasn 't true , no one had been required to do that before . Jennifer was mortified . She had never been completely naked in front of anyone before . How could she be expected to get naked in front of all these people ? Brittany could read her thoughts on her face . " If you don 't want to do it that 's fine . Of course you 'll have to leave right now and stop hanging around us . We only want people around that belong . You will only belong if you do what I say when I say , " Brittany said harshly . Jennifer was shaking she was so upset . If she didn 't do it her dreams would be shattered . If she did it , all of these people would see her naked . " Hurry up bitch and decide . You know you don 't belong here . You 're not one of us . If you want to be here you have to do what I say , no matter what it is or get out . Your choice . " Brittany was meaner than Jennifer had ever heard her before . Brittany intimidated her . Jennifer didn 't consider herself shy , but she wasn 't aggressive either . She just stood there looking at Brittany trying to figure out what to do . " Fine bitch , get out . If you aren 't going to obey me then leave . I don 't want your fucking ass around anyway , " Brittany screamed . " N . . no , " Jennifer stuttered softly . " I 'll do what you ask . " Brittany lightened up . " Fine , let 's go . " " Hey everyone , let 's go outside and watch this little bitch go skinny dipping . " The crowd roared their approval . Jennifer just wanted to shrink away and die . How could she go along with this ? Was it worth it to hang around these people ? Then she saw David and he had a great big smile on his face and he was looking at her tits . It was then that Jennifer noticed that her nipples were hard . As she walked she felt moisture in her crotch . She was excited . She realized that she was sexually excited . Almost as if this is what she wanted , to be naked and humiliated in front of everyone . She slowly followed Brittany out to the pool area . When everyone was standing around the pool Brittany turned to Jennifer . " Ok bitch , prove to us that you deserve to be here . " Jennifer closed her eyes and took a deep breath . Then she reached for her belt and undid it . She threw the belt onto a lounge chair and grabbed the toga that now hung loosely on her . She quickly pulled it off and threw it on the chair with her belt . She was interested in getting this over with as quickly as possible . She now stood completely naked in front of at least twenty people . She was humiliated beyond anything she could ever have imagined . She blushed furiously . She looked at Brittany and waited for instructions . " Hands at your sides . Let everyone get a good look at you , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer had put her hands in front of her pussy in an effort to claim some modesty . Jennifer resigned herself to her fate . She figured she had gone this far , she might as well go all the way . She moved her hands to her sides . She noticed that David was again starring at her naked body . This made her feel warm all over . Somehow she had become sexually aroused by the thought of being humiliated in front of everyone , and the fact that David had an unobstructed view of her nudity just made her feel even more aroused . " Since you seem so willing , I 'm going to give you a break . You 've done a real nice job on your hair tonight ; I 'd hate to see it get wet so here 's the deal . If you agree to hang around the pool naked for the next half - hour , I 'll set three easy rules for you to follow and you can hang around us all the time . If you would rather go skinny dipping , that 's fine , but you 'll get no towel and you 'll have to dry off with your toga and still follow my three little rules . One way you get to put on a dry toga ; the other you put on a wet toga . What 'll it be ? " Brittany asked . Jennifer knew that there would be no way to explain a soaking wet sheet to her mother . " What about your parents ? " asked Jennifer . " Won 't they see me naked out here ? " " They 're out of town for the weekend , it 's just us . " Jennifer decided . " I 'll stay dry , " she announced . " Good . I thought you might . Ok , it 's 9 : 30 now , all you have to do is stay out her naked until 10 : 00 , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer was very self - conscious now . People were milling about and looking at her hard . She desperately wanted to cover up , but she knew Brittany wouldn 't let her . " One more thing , " Brittany said . " If anyone tries to touch you , anywhere , and I mean anywhere , you must let them . Is that understood ? " The stunned teenager just starred in disbelief . How could Brittany expect her to allow that ? Brittany again could see the question on Jennifer 's face . She just shrugged and said , " my party , my rules . " Jennifer just lowered her head and whispered , " fine . I 'll do what you want . " With that Brittany went into the house , along with most of the girls . A couple stayed outside to watch . The guy 's had known what Brittany was going to do ; yet none was too sure about really feeling up this girl they hardly knew . Finally David walked up to her and grabbed her right tit . Jennifer sighed at the touch and started to shake . She was so turned on by the scene that she could smell her pussy . He rubbed and kneaded her tit . She just stood there and let him . That was the sign the rest of the guys were waiting for , and they all started to feel her up . She had hands all over her tits , ass and pussy . She felt a couple of fingers work their way into her very wet pussy . She was getting really turned on by this whole scene . She opened her eyes and looked at the girls . They were watching the situation with interest . Jennifer felt that if it were just she and the guys , she would probably already be getting fucked . That made her happy and sad at the same time . When the 30 minutes were up , Brittany came out back and announced it to everyone . Jennifer was allowed to put her toga back on and go back inside . She was very worked up sexually , never quite getting to the point of orgasm . She desperately needed release , but had no idea how to achieve it . She would have to wait to go home and masturbate . Brittany called Jennifer over . " Ok , here are your three simple rules . One , you may never wear a bra or panties for as long as you are part of our group . Two , you must be willing and able to prove that you are in compliance with rule number one at all times to everyone here at the party . That means you will have to expose yourself or find some other way to prove it . That also means that anyone can at anytime demand to touch you anywhere they want , no matter where you are , to further prove you are following rule number one . Finally number three , you must follow all of my orders to the letter without question or delay , no matter what that order is . For instance , if I tell you to take your shirt off in the middle of the school hallway so that we can examine your tits , you will immediately take your shirt off and stand ready to allow us to examine you . Do you think you completely understand these rules ? " Jennifer was scared . She didn 't know what to do . She just knew if she didn 't agree she would no longer be able to hang out with these people . She had such a good time earlier that she wanted it to go on forever . She also had to admit to herself that for some reason , she was very turned on by being forced to strip in front of everyone , and even more turned on when she was forced to let them feel her up . " Just one question , " Jennifer said . " What happens if I don 't obey an order or am too slow to do what you ask or don 't prove I am obeying rule number one to someone 's satisfaction ? " " Simple . If you refuse to follow an order , your out , and there won 't be a second chance . If you are too slow or someone doesn 't think you have done your best to prove your obedience you will be punished . And to answer your next question , punishment can be anything from being severely spanked or whipped , anywhere on your body , to being forced to participate in a gang bang with a bunch of people you don 't know . I am sure I will be forced to spank and whip you and I can promise you that your tits , ass and pussy will feel the sting of the whip . If you 're a virgin , I suggest you loose it quickly because I can guarantee you that you will be fucked a lot if you hang around us . Does that answer your questions . " Jennifer just nodded her shock and amazement at what she just heard too much for her to allow her to speak . Jennifer was sort of numb for the rest of the party . She couldn 't believe how her dream had changed so dramatically . She wondered around the party talking to people and eventually relaxed and enjoyed the party . Occasionally she would feel a hand on her ass or her tit . Several times she felt hands penetrating her pussy . She did her best to ignore them and carry on as if nothing were out of the ordinary . When the party ended and everyone was heading towards home Brittany came up to Jennifer . " I 'll be over to your house at two tomorrow afternoon . Be in the proper attire , " Brittany ordered . Jennifer said , " ok , " and left for home . On the way home she thought about putting her bra and panties back on , but decided that it was late and her parents wouldn 't see her so what was the point . She got home and noticed her parents were already in bed . She went up to her room in a hurry . She was so horny she had to masturbate right away . She had unbuckled her belt and was removing the pins in her hair when she ran into her dad . She gave a start and said " hi daddy . " His eye 's roved over her body intently . She looked down to see that the sheet was hanging loose again , like at the party . Most of her tits were visible and one hip was plainly in sight . It was obvious she was not wearing panties or a bra . Her father cleared his throat and said , " I was coming down to make sure it was you coming into the house . Um , by the way , aren 't you missing something ? " Jennifer blushed to know her father was seeing her mostly naked and knew she wasn 't wearing underwear or a bra . " Please don 't tell mom , " she begged . " I would have looked real stupid wearing them , " she offered . She realized that he had not looked her in the face . He was eyeing her body , or at least what of it he could . When Jennifer realized this she flushed anew with sexual tension . She did nothing to cover herself up . Instead she reached over to the side that was pinned together and removed the pin . This caused the toga to fall from her right side and just hang off of her left shoulder . This had the effect of completely exposing her right tit and the entire right half of her body , including most of her pussy . She was so excited by exposing herself to her father ; it never dawned on her what he might do . " Please daddy , don 't tell mom , " Jennifer begged again . Her father , visibly upset by what he had seen , roughly grabbed his daughter by the elbow and forcefully walked her to her room . He threw her down on the bed and ordered her to wait for him . He stormed off . Jennifer didn 't know what had come over her and why she exposed herself to her father . He was really angry . She had never seen him that angry before . She just sat there shaking her head wondering what had gotten into her . While she was waiting for him she felt her pussy . It was soaking wet . She was becoming more and more convinced that humiliation was a turn on for her . She would soon learn that there is a price to pay sometimes for getting what you want . She would also soon learn that humiliation mixed with pain is a wonderful aphrodisiac . Her father stormed back into her bedroom , carrying his belt . " I 'll keep quiet , but you 'll have to be punished for your conduct , " he growled . Jennifer was frightened , yet excited at the same time . He told her to roll over face down on her bed . Jennifer was too scared to argue and moved to comply . Without warning he ripped the sheet from her body . She was now completely naked in front of her own father . She almost chuckled when she realized at the start of the night she hadn 't been naked in front of anyone , and now over t " You hold that position little girl while I give your ass the whipping of a life time , " her dad said . And without any warning she felt the sting of his belt hitting her ass . It felt like fire in her ass . She had no idea how bad this could hurt . She had hoped that she would be able to maintain dignity during this ordeal . Now she just prayed she could survive it . Again and again the belt landed on her ass . The pain was spreading . Her whole ass felt like it was on fire . The tingle of the pain was spreading throughout her body , especially to her pussy . As her father beat her ass over and over , she could feel her pussy start to juice up . Tears were freely streaming down her cheeks and she was screaming into her pillow . Yet the whole time this was going on she could feel her pussy getting hotter and hotter . Without realizing what she was doing , she started to spread her legs . Before long they were spread wide , giving her father a clear view of her virgin teenage pussy . This seemed to infuriate him and he hit her ass with renewed vigor . Her pussy was on fire . Her ass was practically numb . The more he beat her ass , the more excited she became . She didn 't know her pussy was spread , nor did she realize that she was lifting her ass to meet the belt as it came down . Her mind was spinning out of control . Her body was experiencing sensations she hadn 't ever felt before . All of a sudden it happened . The whole night came crashing in on her and she exploded into her most intense orgasm ever . She saw stars and a bright light as her orgasm hit . Her whole body convulsed and shook with the force of her orgasm . She screamed for all she was worth into her pillow . Her father had no idea what was going on and was afraid he had done some real damage . He just stood there and watched his daughter go through the throws of a very powerful orgasm . When it was finally over he looked down at his naked 17 year old daughter . Her legs were still spread wide . He could see her pussy clearly and it was soaking wet and spasming . He saw her body twiJennifer lay there for another half - hour trying to pull herself back together . She was finally able to move and go up off of her bed . She moved over to the mirror and looked at her ass . The asset she felt was her best was all red and bruised . She gingerly tried to touch it and felt that it was hot . She could barely touch it without feeling pain . She touched her pussy and discovered she was more wet than at any other time in her young life . She wasn 't too sure what to make of everything . It was too much for her at that point . She still wasn 't thinking too clearly . Her mind was still a blur . She decided to just go to bed and try to sleep . Jennifer woke up the next morning very sore . She moved over to her mirror and looked at her ass . The redness had mostly gone away . There were still some visible marks . She would be bruised on her ass for some time . She took a shower and threw on some sweats and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast . Her father was there drinking coffee and reading the morning paper . It was Saturday so he was off from work and she didn 't have school . " Where 's mom ? " she asked . " She went shopping , " he said . It was just a little too tense in the kitchen . Jennifer could tell her dad was still upset about last night . She decided that she had to do something about it , after all it was her fault . She looked at her father and said , " I 'm not upset that you whipped me last night . I deserved it , " she said . Jennifer took a deep breath and committed herself to an uncertain future . " I want you to know that I love you daddy and that I would never hold it against you if you decide I need a spanking or some other punishment . " As she continued , she noticed the shocked look on her father 's face . " I 'll try to be good , but if I 'm not and you think I need to be punished , then I 'll do my best to cooperate with anything you decide to do as a means of punishment . " He just sat there looking at her . He realized what she was saying , he just couldn 't believe he was hearing it . She had just told him in no uncertain terms that he could force her to strip and accept a whipping , or any other punishment he designed , without fear of retribution . This was indeed something to think about . His immediate response was to acknowledge her statement and ask her how her ass was doing . He actually said ass , not butt . She said it was still a little sore , but doing ok . He said he had better see to make sure everything was healing fine . Jennifer flushed a little and said fine . She moved over to where he was sitting . She turned her back to him and lowered her sweat pants . She pushed them all the way down to her ankles and lifter her top . She wanted him to have a clear view . She spread her legs as much as the sweats would allow and stood there with her naked ass in her fathers ' face . He tentatively reached out a hand and touched her ass . " It 's still a little hot and I can feel the ridges where the belt impacted your ass cheeks . No real damage though . You 'll heal , " he said . His hand was gently moving all over her ass . Jennifer just stood there waiting for him to finish . When he did she causally pulled up her pants and made herself some breakfast . The rest of the day passed like normal . Just before two she heard a car and wondered if it was her mom or Brittany . She looked out the window . It was Brittany . Jennifer went downstairs to let Brittany in . Jennifer introduced Brittany to her father and then they went to Jennifer 's room . Once they were in the room and the door was closed , Brittany ordered Jennifer to strip . Jennifer was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the command , but complied none the less , remembering what she had been told the night before . When she was naked Brittany ordered her to turn around . Jennifer didn 't know what she was going to say about her ass , but she was sure Brittany would ask about it . Sure enough when her ass came into Brittany 's view she asked , " what the hell happened to your ass ? " Jennifer explained to Brittany what had happened the night before , well most of it anyway . She didn 't tell Brittany about her orgasm . Brittany smiled as the story unfolded . " Well at least now you know what to expect when I have to whip you . Since he is doing such a good job on your ass , we 'll have to think about whipping you someplace else , " Brittany explained . While Jennifer was afraid of what that might mean , she was now excited about something that last night had terrified her . Brittany explained that a few of the girls were coming over to her house tonight since her parents were still out of town . Everyone would be spending the night . Did she think she could get away for the night ? Jennifer didn 't think that was a problem . " Good , " said Brittany . " Be over at my house by nine . Now for some fun . " " I want you to fully understand your place , " explained Brittany . " Around us you will be more like a slave than anything else . Around other people you 'll be just like one of us . That means you will have to dress better than you have been . I suggest you do some shopping . We don 't want to be embarrassed by you . When you 're around us you can expect to be naked a lot and have a lot of sex . Make sure you are protected . Now I have some shopping to do for tonight so I have to get going . But before I go I want to emphasize just how important it is for you to follow my orders . If you are too slow on this order I will march you , naked , down to your father and ask for his belt . I will then ask him to watch while I beat his daughters naked pussy . Do you understand ? " Jennifer mumbled " yes , I understand . " " From now on , unless we are in public , you will address me as mistress , understood ? " Brittany asked . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer responded . " Good . Now before I leave I want to see how you masturbate . " Jennifer was stunned . She had never even considered telling anyone she masturbated , let alone do it in front of anyone . She knew she had no choice however . Sure she could refuse , but then she would never realize her dream of having sex with David . She would also be forced from the group . She had already decided that she was willing to do whatever it took to be a member of the group by stripping in front of everyone last night . She wasn 't going to blow it so soon . So she swallowed her pride and said , " yes mistress . " Jennifer slowly lay down on her bed , spreading her legs wide as she went . She took one hand and lowered it to her pussy . She gently started to rub her clit . With her other hand she started to rub her tits . She was twisting her nipple and had shoved a couple of fingers into her pussy . She started to pump her fingers into her pussy , fucking it with her fingers . She opened her eyes to see that Brittany was watching her very intently . She kept the fingers pumping into her pussy . She was pumping furiously . She moved her other hand from her tits to her hand that was finger fucking her pussy . She grabbed the hand fucking her pussy and used it to help to pound her fingers into her pussy . She could feel the orgasm building up inside her . She could tell it would be more intense than what she normally experienced when she masturbated . She assumed it was due to the audience . She could feel it building . She would hit it very soon . Her hips were bucking up off the bed . She was driving her pussy up to meet her fingers . She could tell that within a few seconds she would be hitting her orgasm . Then it hit . It was more powerful than normal . Nothing compared to last night , but powerful indeed . She could feel her pussy spasming around her fingers as her orgasm hit . She slowly started to settle down and looked at Brittany . It was then that she realized that she still had her fingers in her wide spread pussy . She also realized that she had masturbated to orgasm in front of someone who was still mostly a stranger . This humiliated her terribly and she blushed deeply . " I 'm glad you 're embarrassed . You should be , " Brittany said . " As punishment for such a shameless act , you must be whipped by your father this afternoon . We 'll want to see the marks . Oh , and just for fun , make sure its someplace other than your ass , " Brittany said laughing . Jennifer was scarred now . How was she going to get her father to whip her again , and to do it somewhere other than her ass ? Worse yet , as bad as her ass hurt , how could she stand to be whipped somewhere else ? Again , she knew she had no choice . She answered , " yes mistress . Is there any place in particular you would like the marks to be ? " She prayed for a reasonable answer . It was not to be . " I think I would like to see the marks on your tits . You 've got nice full tits . I 'll bet they make a nice target . And if I were you I 'd shave off all of that pussy hair . It 'll go easier on you if you do . " Jennifer groaned , but simply responded , " yes mistress . " " Well I 've got to leave , " Brittany said . " I 'll see you tonight . " " Yes mistress , " was all Jennifer could manage . She got dressed and walked Brittany out to her car . Once back in the house she tried to think how to get her dad to do what Brittany ordered . " Your mother met a friend shopping and won 't be back until dinner time . Did you want a late lunch ? " her father asked . " Sure , " she responded . Her mind was not on what was going on around her . She was trying to think about how to get her father to whip her tits , and not on what she was doing . As a consequence she managed to drop a whole gallon of milk on the floor making a huge mess . " Awe shit , " she said . Her father was perturbed , not angry . When they got the mess cleaned up Jennifer decided to see if her father was angry enough over this to whip her . It was an accident and he normally didn 't get that upset over accidents , but it was all she could think of and time was running out . " If you wanted to whip me for making this mess , I 'd understand , " she said with eyes lowered . He looked at her with a stunned look on his face . " It 's no big deal . Accidents happen , " he responded . " But that was a whole gallon of milk and it happened because I wasn 't paying attention , " she pushed . Her father just looked at her . She looked up at him with an almost hopeful look in her eye . " Let 's cut through the bullshit Jennifer . Tell me I 'm wrong , but I think you want to be exposed in front of me and whipped . Am I right ? " Jennifer just stood there and starred at her father . How could she answer that question ? In her heart she knew he was right , but was she ready to admit it to her father , and herself ? " Well ? " he asked . She decided it was time for a little honesty , no matter what may come of it . " Yes , " Jennifer said . " What did you say ? " her father asked . " Yes , I want to be naked in front of you and whipped , " she said . There , she said it . Now what she wondered ? Her father stood there looking at her . After what seemed like an eternity he said , " fine , I 'll go and get my belt , you can take off your pants . " As he turned to leave Jennifer reached deep inside herself for courage and asked , " daddy would you please whip my tits instead of my ass ? " That stopped him dead in his tracks . She could tell he was trying to think about this latest and most bizarre turn of events . Finally he answered . " Fine , I 'll whip your tits , but you will be completely naked . Now go into the living room and wait for me , naked . " She responded with " yes daddy . " She saw him shiver and head for his room . She went into the living room and stripped naked . When he walked into the living room he was greeted with the site of his very beautiful and sexy 17 year old teenaged daughter standing in the middle of the room , naked . He just stopped and looked at her . Damn , he thought , she was hot . He walked up to her and positioned her in the middle of the room . This gave him the most room to maneuver . " Put your hands behind your head and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer immediately moved to comply . She noticed that by putting her hands behind her head her tits thrust out more , making a much more inviting target . " Are you ready ? " he asked . She just nodded . " Alright , here we go , " he announced . Within seconds she felt the most intense pain she had ever felt in her life . She was convinced her tits had been cut and were bleeding . She was screaming her head off with the pain . She managed to open her eyes and through the blur of tears she saw the angry red welt forming on her tits , but no blood . " We can 't have that kind of screaming . The neighbors will hear . I 'll have to gag you , " he said . She nodded , knowing that he was right . What happened next shocked Jennifer to her core . Her father removed his jeans and then his shorts so that he was naked from the waist down . She had never actually seen a dick out in the open . Sure she had sucked her boyfriends off , but she had never seen a dick out in plain sight . And it was bigger than her boyfriends were and it was very hard . He took his shorts and walked up to his daughter and said , " open wide . " Her eyes were already wide open from shock . She slowly opened her mouth as wide as she could get it . He then stuffed his shorts in her mouth and said , " that should take care of the screams . " Jennifer was shaking with both lust and shock . Lust at being naked and whipped by her father , and because he was naked from the waist down showing her a very large and hard cock . With shock because she would never have believed it possible to be in this situation . Her father was now back in position to resume whipping her tits . " Are you ready , " he asked . She nodded her head . She closed her eyes and waited . She didn 't have long to wait . The belt again smacked her full on the tits , just below her nipples . The pain was excruciating . It was all she could do to hold her position . Before she had fully recovered from that blow another hit , this time just above the nipples . It felt as if he were using a hot poker on her tits . She kept seeing stars and bright lights in her mind as the pain exploded throughout her tits . He kept whipping her tits , occasionally hitting her squarely across the nipples . This produced the most extreme of reactions . Her knees would buckle and he could hear her scream , even through his shorts in her mouth . His cock was so hard that he didn 't know if it would go down . He had never been this turned on in his life . His daughters ' tits were a mass of angry welts and bruises . Still , she stood there with her hands behind her head and her legs spread wide . He wondered if she knew that pussy juice was running down her legs . She had mostly recovered from the last blow that had landed on her nipples . " I 'm going to give you a choice . You can take five more across your nipples or twenty more elsewhere . It 's your choice . Nod once if you want the five or nod twice if you want the twenty . " Jennifer was struggling to maintain her sanity . Her father was whipping her on her tits . She was completely naked , and he was mostly naked . Now she had to make a terrible decision and it was all because she asked for it . Jennifer nodded once , knowing that five across her nipples would be excruciating pain , but the tingling in her pussy told her that was what she wanted . " All right , here goes , " her father said . With a force not yet felt by Jennifer , her father landed five very powerful blows across her nipples . The pain was so intense that Jennifer had collapsed to her knees by the fifth stroke . She was practically hysterical she was crying so hard . When she finally regained some control she stood back up and assumed her position . Without saying a word her father walked up to her and put his hand on her pussy . He felt around and shoved a finger up inside her . There was no resistance since her pussy was so wet he probably could have shoved his fist inside her . He continued to manipulate her pussy , making sure to work on her clit . She mewled as he did this . She moved her hips in a fucking motion against his fingers . The orgasm hit without warning . Her senses were so messed up as a result of the whipping she had no idea she was that close . As her orgasm hit , she closed her legs holding her fathers ' hand in place . She was having an orgasm at least as powerful as the one she had last night when her father whipped her ass . She was getting weak from the effects of the orgasm . She was barely aware of her surroundings . She reached out to hold on to her father , as she was no longer able to stand on her own . It seemed to last forever . When it was finally over she opened her eyes and looked into her fathers ' eyes . He was clearly shocked at what had just happened . He removed his shorts from his daughters ' mouth and sat down on the couch . Jennifer stood there looking at her very whipped tits and then at her father . " Is that what you wanted ? " he asked . She looked at him and said , " yes , but I had no idea how bad it would hurt . " " Well , you seemed to get off on it ok , so I guess you got what you wanted . What am I supposed to do with this raging hard on ? " Jennifer knew what he was hinting at . He wanted her to do something about his hard on . After all , he had given her two of the best orgasms of her life ; she felt she owed him . She could give him a blowjob ; she knew how to do that . Then she remembered what Brittany had said . " If you 're a virgin , better lose it fast . " Jennifer wondered what her dad would think if he knew that he was going to deflower his own daughter . Jennifer was still so worked up over the whipping and the whole crazy scene that it didn 't even bother her a little to think she was going to fuck her own father . She just walked up to him on the couch , looked him in the eye , and without saying a word , positioned herself over his cock . She reached down and grabbed it . She put its head against the opening of her pussy , not taking her eyes off of her father the whole time . Once his dick was in place , she started to slowly lower herself onto her fathers cock . It was a huge dick . She had no idea if she could get it all the way inside of her . She just kept lowering herself onto his cock . He was stretching her pussy wide . She felt like she was taking a telephone pole up her pussy . With about half of it inside of her she stopped and moved back up . Having never had a cock in her pussy before she didn 't know what to expect . She got to the point that her fathers cock was just inside her pussy and then she started moving back down . She was moving down faster than before and this time his cock moved into her more easily . She almost had all of his cock inside of her pussy . She was feeling so full she couldn 't believe she had as much of his cock inside her as she did . The feeling in her pussy was so great she didn 't want it to end . This time she moved up more quickly and almost slammed her pussy back down . The sensation and pain in her pussy set her aflame with lust once again . She felt his pubic hair on her ass and looked down to see that she had his whole cock buried inside her . She was shaking with lust at the sight . She looked back at her father and he had a look of satisfaction on his face . She started to fuck him as well as she could . She wasn 't experienced at all , so she wasn 't sure what to do . She just went with instinct and did what felt good . She was moving with reckless abandon . She was literally throwing herself on to his cock . Her father just sat there and watched as his beautiful 17 year old daughter fucked herself on his dick . He was so worked up from the whipping and the masturbation of his daughter that it didn 't take long for him to approach orgasm . He could feel his cum getting ready to spurt into his daughters ' pussy . Jennifer was also approaching another mind - blowing orgasm . She was bouncing up and down on her fathers ' cock . She was amazed at how easily her pussy stretched to accommodate his cock . She felt his cock tighten up . She had no idea what that meant of course since this was her first time . She did know that her own orgasm was fast approaching . The friction of her fathers ' cock on her clit was sending her to new heights of sexual release . She loved being fucked . If Brittany was intent on humiliating her and hurting her and getting her fucked , she was all for it . She would do what ever Brittany ordered as long as she got what she needed . She realized that this made her a slut , but to be able to feel like she did right then , she was willing to accept that reality . Her fathers cock stiffened incredibly inside of her and then she felt his cum exploding inside of her . The feeling of the warm slippery fluid being pumped into her teenaged pussy was too much for her . She came and came and came . The feelings were so intense that she started to black out . Just before she lost consciousness she felt her father grab her tits and squeeze . The pain was all it took to complete her mind shattering orgasm . She just limply lay against her father , her pussy spasming with the after throws of an intense orgasm and her fathers ' cock twitching inside her pussy . When she woke up she was in her room on her bed . She was still naked and her sweats were on the floor next to her . She had no idea how long she had been like this . She reached down to clutch her pussy . She was still wet . She brought her hand up to her face and she noticed that she had something other than pussy juice on her fingers . It had to be her fathers cum . She brought her fingers to her mouth and licked them clean . She decided she needed to shower to get ready for tonight . She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror . Her tits were bruised and stripped . She was in shock at how bad they looked . Her ass wasn 't much better . She decided it was probably a " Very nice , " he said . " Why did you do that ? " " Because my friend suggested that I do it . She 's also the one that suggested you should whip my tits , " she responded . " You like what 's happening to you don 't you ? " he asked . " Yes I do . I didn 't know it until last night , but I do like to be humiliated and hurt . I have also discovered I like to be fucked . " He cringed when he heard that . He knew what that meant . " So , will this friend humiliate and hurt you ? " he wondered . " Yes she will , " Jennifer said . She didn 't want her father to know why . " I was also hoping you might be interested in doing some more ? I 've liked what we 've done so far , " she asked hopefully . He sat there for what seemed like forever to Jennifer . " We 'll continue with what we 've done today and last night , if that is what you really want . But understand this , I will use every hole you 've got , even your asshole . I 'll also be inflicting a great deal of pain on your body . If that is what you want then go over to that drawer and bring me the thongs we use for hot dogs on the grill , or if it 's not then simply pull up your pants and leave . " She didn 't even hesitate . She shuffled over to the drawer and pulled out the thongs her father had requested . " Bring them over her and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer was unable to spread her legs with her pants around her ankles , so she removed them completely and then spread her legs wide . Her father reached out and grabbed her clit and she moaned with her approval of his rough handling . He then brought up the thongs to her pussy and grasped her clit between the ends and started to squeeze , hard . He squeezed and squeezed . Her clit was in extreme pain . Tears were running down her face . She didn 't try to stop him however ; she just stood there taking the punishment . Finally his hand got tired and he let go . Blood rushed back to her clit and the pain of that was almost as bad as when it was being squeezed . He told her to wash and put away the thongs and then to get dressed . As Jennifer was pulling her pants up she felt her pussy and found it soaking wet . She decided that this was further confirmation of what she was , a pain slut . She went to her room to get ready for tonight . Jennifer knew that she would spend the night at Brittany 's naked . For that reason it didn 't matter what she put into the bag , it wouldn 't be needed . She said goodbye to her parents and headed for Brittany 's . Her mind was trying to cope with what had happened over the past couple of days . Over twenty people had seen her naked and she had her ass and tits beaten . She had lost her virginity , to her father none the less , and now was on her way to a party that was certain to cause her great pain and humiliation . The amazing thing was she was excited about the prospect and was looking forward to it . She shoved her hand inside her pants to feel her newly shaved bald pussy and found she was wet just thinking about what might happen . She finally arrived at Brittany 's and went to the door . She left the bag in the car , as she was certain she wouldn 't need anything from it . Brittany opened the door looking as beautiful as ever . " I see that you had the guts to show . Good , we 're gonna have real fun . But you have too many clothes on to come into my house . If you want to come in you 'll have to be naked . You can put your clothes in your car if you want , you won 't need them tonight . " It was worse than Jennifer had feared . She had not expected to be naked outside where someone could see her . But she was determined to see it through . She had already accepted the fact that she was a slut and loved the pain and humiliation , so she just had to work up the courage to go through with it . She took a deep breath and took off her shirt and shorts and shoes . Now standing completely naked on Brittany 's front step she hurriedly went to her car to put her clothes in it . She furtively looked around to see if anyone was watching . She couldn 't see anyone , she just hoped no one saw her . Once she had her clothes in her car she quickly returned to where Brittany was standing . " I see you 've learned your lessons well , " she said . " I also see you took my advice and shaved your pussy and had someone whip your tits . Was it your father ? " she asked . Jennifer responded with " yes mistress . " " Good . By the way , you will refer to me as mistress all night , understood ? " " Yes mistress , " she whispered . This whole conversation was happening out in the open on Brittany 's doorstep . All she wanted to do is get into the house . Brittany now just stood there and looked at Jennifer . It was as if she were waiting for something . All of a sudden Jennifer head a car drive past and heard a bunch of yelling and carrying on . She realized that Brittany had arranged for a carload of boys to drive past while she was naked outside her house . They only saw her ass , but it was enough to embarrass her . " Ok , now we can go inside , " Brittany announced . Once inside the house they went down to the basement were all the other girls were already waiting for them . As Jennifer walked in the room got quiet . They were all starring at her bruised tits . " You should see her ass , " Brittany announced . Jennifer blushed deeply . She was an object to them , nothing more . Jennifer knew it would be a long night , and indeed it was . The pain and humiliation started as soon as she arrived . Two different girls fisted her recently deflowered pussy ; her tits were completely covered with wax and she had a fat candle shoved up her ass while it was lit and she was upside down . The wax dripped down to her ass and hit her pussy . They slapped her tits and pussy . The whole time she was in a state of sexual arousal and had more orgasms than she could count . Finally it got late and the girls were settling down . The girl named Beth that she had a class with walked up to her and lifted her T - shirt . She was naked underneath . " You 're going to eat my pussy you little bitch , " she said . This was by far the worse thing that happened to her that night . She had gotten off on all the pain , but this was different . Jennifer looked at Brittany for guidance , but all she did was smile . Jennifer knew that she would have to do it . She edged forward on her knees until she was right in front of Beth 's pussy . It was neatly trimmed and Jennifer realized that she tanned naked . Jennifer took a deep breath and opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue . She made contact with Beth 's pussy and Beth almost jumped out of her skin . Jennifer had no idea what to do so she just started to lick her pussy like she was licking an ice cream cone . She started to taste something and realized it was Beth 's pussy juice . " Put your whole mouth over my pussy and stick your tongue inside of my pussy , " Beth ordered . Jennifer moved to obey and when she stuck her tongue inside Beth 's pussy she heard the girl groan . She started to suck on Beth 's pussy and licking it . She could feel Beth starting to grind her pussy into Jennifer 's face . " Nibble on my clit and on my pussy lips , " Beth ordered . Obviously Beth knew what she wanted out of this experience , and Jennifer was happy to get the advice . She did what she was told . A few minutes later she felt Beth stiffen up and then shake all over . She was having an orgasm , all because Jennifer was giving her head . When Beth was calmed down a little she said , " not bad . Your first time I assume ? " Jennifer just nodded her head . After that it didn 't take long and Jennifer had a line of girls waiting to be treated to what Beth had gotten . Brittany laughed and Jennifer resigned herself to the fact she was going to eat out every pussy there . By the time that Jennifer was allowed to go to sleep she had eaten every pussy there , even Brittany 's . The first girl , Beth , came back for seconds . She commented to Jennifer that her skills had improved . It was probably the most backward complement she had ever received . She settled down under some blankets to go to sleep and reached for her pussy . She had eaten out all those girls , but she had not received any satisfaction . She touched her bald pussy and found it wet . She started to stroke her clit and the feelings overwhelmed her . She became more aggressive and shoved a couple of fingers inside her pussy . She was fully masturbating now . She was close to her orgasm . Her hand was moving fast and her pussy swelled up with desire . Just as she was about to cum she felt a hand on the blankets . She opened her eyes just in time to see Brittany yank the blankets off of her , exposing her to Brittany while she was in the middle of masturbating herself to orgasm . The humiliation of being discovered played on her emotions and she kept up her activities . Her hips began to bounce and gyrate to the rhythm of her hand . She threw her head back and spread her legs and came with a furious intensity . She knew she was being watched , and this turned her on big time . After she finally calmed down she reopened her eyes and saw not only Brittany , but also Beth . " That was a nice show , " Beth commented . " You didn 't have permission to masturbate bitch so you 'll have to be punished . Tomorrow morning at breakfast , in front of everyone , you 'll get your pussy whipped . It will hurt worse than your ass or your tits . Sleep well , " Brittany , said . Jennifer was scarred now . She remembered the pain in her pussy from the thongs and realized that was not going to be even close to the kind of pain she would feel in the morning . She just curled up into a ball and tried to sleep . Jennifer woke up ; surprised she could sleep at all . As she got up she felt very self - conscious because she was the only person wondering around naked . Brittany walked up to her and said , " let 's go to the living room . Everyone will eventually be there and we 'll get to your punishment . " Jennifer shivered at the thought that she was going to let someone whip her pussy . She followed Brittany to the living room of her house . A number of the girls were already there . In the daylight they got a much better view of her bruised and battered tits and ass . She wanted crawl off somewhere and hide . When everyone was there Brittany got up in front of everyone . " This little slut was caught masturbating without permission last night . Her punishment is to get her pussy whipped . There are twelve of us . I 'm going to give her a choice . She can take five from each girl for a total of 60 , or she can take 50 from me . I should point out that I have a very good aim and can guarantee that I will hit your clit a large number of times . The other girls may not be as good and you may get lucky . I 'll leave it up to you . " Jennifer thought it over and decided while the number was higher , she was hoping some of the girls might show her mercy and not hit her too hard . She knew that Brittany would hit her hard and believed that Brittany would score a large number on her clit . " I would like to have everyone give me five on my pussy mistress , " Jennifer stated . They pulled a coffee table over to the middle of the room and placed Jennifer on he back on the table . Brittany had Jennifer hold her legs up and back , fully exposing her pussy for all to see . The table was rather short for her body so her head hung off the other end . " Now you must hold that position . If you fail to keep your legs apart with your pussy open for us to see and beat , then we start the whole process over . Is that clear ? " Brittany stated . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer replied . She only hoped she could hold this position . 60 was bad enough , if that number were to be increased she didn 't think she would be able to take it . She was afraid of permanent damage as it was . The first girl to grab the belt that Brittany brought for the occasion was Beth . She was still wearing the T - shirt she wore the night before . Everyone else was dressed . Jennifer had to admit that Beth was beautiful , probably the best looking girl there . She realized that the idea of being exposed to someone so beautiful was turning her on . Fear crept into her mind as she saw Beth practice with the belt on the couch . Jennifer 's breathing increased and her heart pounded as she held her position waiting for the first blow . Beth stepped up to the table that held Jennifer with her pussy an open invitation for the belt and took her first swing . The belt landed on the right side of Jennifer 's pussy . The pain was intense , almost as intense as when her father beat her tits . She struggled not to scream . The next three blows hit on either side of he slit . Jennifer had closed her eyes tightly and tears were streaming down her face . Her pussy was on fire with both pain and lust . Beth 's fifth and final stroke hit its target . The belt bisected her pussy lips and found the girls ' clit . The most horrible scream erupted from Jennifer 's mouth . The pain was so extreme she felt like she was going to pass out . The inhuman screaming coming from Jennifer shock up the other girls a great deal . Brittany waited until Jennifer calmed down and stopped screaming and shaking . When that finally happened she asked Jennifer , " are you ready for the next girl ? " Jennifer wanted so bad to be able to say no , I don 't want anymore , but she didn 't . Even through the haze of pain she could tell her pussy was getting wet from the situation . As she thought about it she could only imagine the sight that she presented . Lying on her back , holding her legs back and spread , her bald pussy open for all to see , and whip . It was so lude and depraved it made her shiver with lust . She responded to the question posed to her in the only way she could , " yes mistress , I 'm ready . " The next girl walked up and grabbed the belt . Her first blow caused Jennifer to scream even though it didn 't hit her clit . Her pussy was so sensitized by what was going on and the emotional state she was in , there was no way she wouldn 't scream . " We can 't have that screaming now can we , " Beth said . With that she removed her T - shirt and walked over to where Jennifer 's head was located . Jennifer looked up at the completely naked Beth and admired her beauty . She was even more gorgeous naked than Jennifer believed possible . She apparently liked to show off her body because she didn 't even hesitate to get naked . Beth spread her legs and proceeded to lower he pussy to Jennifer 's mouth . " Suck on this while you get your punishment . Maybe eating my pussy will keep you quiet . " Jennifer opened her mouth and began to work on Beth 's pussy . With all the recent experience she had , Beth was near her first orgasm before too long . Everyone took her turn whipping her pussy . She would scream into Beth 's pussy on almost every stroke , but most especially if someone managed to hit her clit . By the time it was Brittany 's turn Jennifer 's pussy was throbbing and red and puffy from being hit 55 times . Her clit had swollen up and was poking out from under its hood , making a very inviting target . Beth had stayed on Jennifer 's mouth the whole time . The screams seemed to cause her great pleasure . Beth had more orgasms from the work of Jennifer 's mouth than she could count . Brittany lined up to give Jennifer her last five lashes . Jennifer had no idea how many lashes she had left or who had done what to her . When she heard Brittany speak , she started to shake in fear . " I 'm the last one slut . I hope your ready for some serious pain . " Jennifer was ready . She had come so close to orgasm several times . While she was afraid of the pain it would cause if Brittany hit her clit , she was secretly hoping that she would because she knew that it would push her over the edge and give her a powerful orgasm . The first lash hit Jennifer squarely on her clit . It was by far the most powerful stroke she had felt yet . Her scream into Beth 's pussy was enough to send the beautiful girl into another orgasm . Brittany took her time and lined up for the second lash . It hit Jennifer 's clit again . It was all Jennifer could do to hold her legs apart . The pain was excruciating . The third lash hit her clit again and it caused her to lose control . She started to buck her hips and squirm all over the table . " Help me out . Someone hold her down , " Brittany called out . Jennifer felt hands all over her body holding her in place . The fourth lash also connected with her clit and Jennifer was almost hysterical . She was so close to orgasm that in what was left of her mind she was actually hoping the fifth stroke would hit her clit . She got her wish and she went into such a powerful orgasm that her mind couldn 't handle all of the sensations and she passed out . When she woke up she was lying on a soft bed with some very worried looking girls standing watch . " You were out for almost an hour . We were going to call an ambulance if you didn 't wake up soon , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer tried to get up but the pain in her pussy made her lay back down . " Here 's a bag of ice . Your pussy is pretty swollen and bruised . This might help . " Jennifer took the bag of ice from Brittany and put it on her pussy . The sensation of that much cold on her overheated pussy was quite a shock to her system . Once she got over the initial sensation , her pussy did feel a little better . " Thank you mistress , it does feel better , " Jennifer explained . " I 'm sorry we hurt you so bad . I had no idea that it would hurt so much that you would pass out , " Brittany offered . Jennifer knew the real reason she passed out . Yes she was in a great deal of pain and she was paying for it now . But she knew she didn 't pass out from the pain but from the best orgasm she had since her father beat her tits . She wasn 't too sure she wanted to explain the truth to Brittany because it would confirm to everyone there that she was a pain slut and got off on it . But she couldn 't let Brittany think she had hurt her so bad that she passed out either . Brittany was obviously upset about the situation . She decided she had to tell the truth . " I didn 't pass out from the pain , " Jennifer explained . Everyone looked at her with a questioning look . Everyone that is except Beth , she had a huge smile on her face . Jennifer took a deep breath and explained to everyone what happened . " I was in a great deal of pain . I seem to have a high tolerance to it however . It also happens to be a major turn on to me . When Brittany hit my clit with all five of her strokes , it was the trigger necessary for me to have a mind shattering orgasm . The orgasm was so powerful that it caused me to pass out . I 'm sorry I scarred you , but I don 't seem to have any control over the situation . " " I knew it , " said Beth . " I 've heard of people who get off on pain and humiliation , but I never believed I would ever meet one . " Everyone just starred at Jennifer . She blushed anew from all the wild stares she was getting . " Well , we 'll have to see what we can do to satisfy you . Can you move yet ? " Brittany asked . " I think so mistress , " Jennifer replied . This time she was able to move . She kept the ice pack on her pussy as she walked to try to ease the pain . " If you 're serious about what you told us , I will have to do some thinking on how we can accommodate you . When you lose your virginity let me know . The guy 's would like to use you as a party favor , if that agrees with you , " Brittany said . Jennifer took another deep breath and said , " I have already lost my virginity . I would very much like to be a party favor for the guys . I seem to get turned on by humiliation as well as pain and I 've discovered I love to fuck . " This statement seemed to shock Brittany quite a bit because she was only able to stutter a simple ok to Jennifer . They got back down to the basement and all the girls were getting the place cleaned up . Jennifer was not required to help . She just sat on a chair , naked holding the ice pack to her pussy . When the party started to break up everyone went out to her car , including Jennifer . Brittany walked Jennifer to her car and as Jennifer reached for her clothes Brittany grabbed her arm . " I think you should drive home naked . You can get dressed at home before you go into your house . If you 're lucky , no one will notice that you are naked and have bruised and battered tits . " This was a little much for Jennifer . It was one thing to be the sex object that everyone could abuse in private . It was a much more different thing to be on display for the whole town to see . She looked into Brittany 's eyes and knew it was useless to argue . Jennifer went over to the drivers ' side and got in . She looked up at Brittany begging for mercy in her eyes . Brittany offered no sympathy . All the way home Jennifer kept a watchful eye out for anyone that she knew or that might be able to see that she was completely naked driving her car . She took all back roads home . The normal twenty - five minute drive took almost forty - five minutes . About three blocks from home she saw her mothers ' car coming at her . Her heart started to pound and her hands stated to sweat and get slippery on the steering wheel . She didn 't know what to do . She knew that if her mother looked over at her as they passed she would see that Jennifer was naked and that her tits were badly bruised . She only had seconds to think . All she could do was to slouch down and hope her mother didn 't look too carefully . As they passed her mother honked her horn and waived at her daughter . Jennifer gave a weak wave back and kept going . Her mother must not have seen anything or didn 't think anything strange about her daughter being so slouched down , because she just kept going . When she got home she pulled into her driveway . She noticed for the first time that it was somewhat private and she could get into her house without anyone seeing her . She decided not to get dressed as she was in so much pain from the whippings this weekend , clothes would only aggravate the situation . She wasn 't worried about her dad seeing her naked , not after what happened yesterday . She just grabbed her clothes and bag she had packed and walked into the house through the garage . She met her father in the garage and to her horror her neighbor . They both turned to look at whoever it was that was walking into the garage . Both men just stared with their mouths open . Jennifer was equally stunned and stood there with her mouth open . She was so stunned she didn 't even try to cover up . Finally her father spoke up , " honey , you know our neighbor Bill . " " Ya . . ya , h hi Bill , " Jennifer stammered . A very stunned Bill spoke up . " What happened to you and why are you naked . " Jennifer could see that her father was a little nervous and she knew she had better come up with a good story . " Well I 'm naked because I didn 't think anyone would see me , except possibly my father and as you can see I have some pretty bad bruises in some rather sensitive area 's . I didn 't want to wear cloths because they would be painful on the tender areas , " Jennifer explained . " Ok I can accept that , but how did you get so bruised ? " Bill asked . Jennifer swallowed hard and explained , " I like to be hurt and humiliated . I get off on it . My father whipped me on my ass and my tits . I wanted it and was finally able to convince him to do it . The girls I spent the night with last night whipped my pussy this morning . I can have a very intense orgasm when being whipped as I have been . " Bill was shocked . He couldn 't take his eyes off of the naked teenager with the angry welts and bruises all over her tits and pussy . He hadn 't seen her ass yet . Which made him ask , " could I see your ass ? " Jennifer slowly turned around to show him her battered ass . " My god , " was all he could say . Jennifer 's father finally spoke up . " Well Bill , as you can see my daughter and I have a very special relationship . " " No kidding , " Bill said . " You 're free to talk to my daughter when I 'm not around . You 'll find that this is all very consensual and she really does like what has happened to her . Of course , my wife knows nothing of this , and she can 't . She wouldn 't understand . I hope we can count on your keeping this between us Bill . " " On one condition , " Bill said . " I want in . I want to be able to punish her and see her naked and everything else . I get that and I stay quiet . " Jennifer groaned while still showing them her ass . On hearing what Bill had to say she just slumped down as if the fight was gone . She was the plaything of the " Beautiful People " so that she could hang around them and be part of their group , if only as a sex toy . She and her father had a special thing going on that she was excited about , and now her neighbor was going to use and abuse her . Where will it end she wondered ? " It 's up to you Jennifer . What do you want to do ? " her father asked . Jennifer turned around and faced the two men again . " If Bill is serious about keeping quiet , then I 'm willing to let him do what ever he wants , " Jennifer replied . " Great , " Bill responded . " For starters , how about you getting your sexy ass over here . " Jennifer 's dad just stood back and watched . Jennifer walked over to where Bill was standing and stood in front of him . She had her legs slightly parted to give him a better view . He wasn 't interested in a view however . He reached out his hand and grabbed her pussy . Jennifer took in a sharp breath and jumped a little . " Sorry , " she said . " It 's a little tender . " " And wet , " Bill shot back . Jennifer blusJennifer looked at her father for guidance . Right now the way he was playing with her pussy and with the intense emotion associated with the humiliation of being a new toy for her neighbor , Jennifer really wanted to be fucked . Jennifer 's father looked her in the eye and he could tell what she wanted . He suddenly started smiling for the first time since she walked into the garage . He knew his daughter was a complete slut and he and his neighbor were going to have great fun with her . " It 's up to Jennifer , " he said . " I don 't care if you do , only that it 's ok with Jennifer . " Bill looked at Jennifer . Jennifer desperately needed to be fucked . The past few minutes had worked her up something fierce . " Alright , you can fuck me " Jennifer replied . With that Bill grabbed Jennifer by the arm and threw her against the wall . She bounced with a thud and dropped her cloths and bag . Bill walked up to her and spun her around so her ass was facing him . He kicked her legs apart and pulled her ass out back towards him . Things were happening so fast that Jennifer had no time to think . She had told him it was ok to fuck her , but she didn 't think that he would do it in front of her father . He didn 't seem to care however as he just stood there watching . She heard a zipper and then felt Bill 's cock at the entrance to her pussy . She was a little afraid of what getting fucked would feel like given that her ass and pussy were so badly bruised . Bill didn 't seem to care . Her pussy was wet and available and so he shoved it in as hard and fast as he could . He slammed his cock into Jennifer and as a result , slammed her body against the wall of the garage . This had the affect of crushing her tits , causing her to groan in pain . His cock seemed to be able to penetrate her pussy very easily . This surprised Jennifer a little as this was only the second cock she had ever had in her pussy . Then she remembered the fisting from the night before and it all made sense . Bill started to pound into her pussy , slamming her body against the wall and slapping her ass . Her sensitive pussy was gripping his cock as much as she could manage . She wanted this to be over as soon as possible . Bill however was able to maintain some level of control and kept fucking the girl for quite some time . Jennifer could feel an orgasm building and she was grateful . With all the pain in her body at present , an orgasm would be wonderful . She looked over at her father and he was just staring at the depraved scene in front of him . He began to wonder how his daughter could be this way , and if there were a way he could take advantage of it . Jennifer 's orgasm was fast approaching . She could tell it wouldn 't compare to the orgasm she had when her father fucked her , but it would be good . She started to shake and shudder as her orgasm hit . She was bouncing back against her neighbor , trying to get as much out of this fucking as possible . Bill seemed to sense what was going on and moved to fuck the girl faster . He wanted to try to orgasm with her . Finally his cum was spurting out of his cock into the teenaged pussy of his neighbor 's daughter . Jennifer 's orgasm was just about over as Bill came inside her . She was able to feel the full effect of a man cuming inside her and it felt great . It caused her to feel warm all over . When he was done he pulled out of her pussy and told her " clean up my dick . " Jennifer obediently turned around and got on her knees . She took Bill 's cock into her mouth and licked all of her pussy juice and his cum off of his dick . When she was done she stood up and grabbed her clothes and bag and said , " I 'm going to my room to get cleaned up and rest , if that 's ok with you daddy ? " He just nodded and Jennifer headed to her room . Read 418419 times | Would like to see more variety in method of punishment . Perhaps a cane for her ass and a heavy duty whip for her lovely breasts and teats . Make them bounce out of control and wobble to satisfy our lustful desires . |
Jennifer was an attractive girl . She was 5 ' 3 " and weighed about 110 pounds . She was admiring her naked body in the mirror of her room . She had a reasonably shapely body for a 17 year old girl . Her brunette hair hung down to her shoulders . Her breasts were good sized , about a c cup . She didn 't like her legs ; she felt they were a little to short . She felt her greatest asset was her ass . She turned to look at it . It was well rounded and firm . It had kind of a heart shape to it . She turned back and looked at her pussy . She would need to trim her pubic hair . She kept it trimmed to the point that there was a small patch just above her slit . She did this so she could wear high cut bikinis without fear of pubic hair showing . Yes she decided , she had a good body . She had a pretty face as well . She was the picture of a very sexy , cute 17 year old girl , yet she was miserable . She desperately wanted to hang out with the " Beautiful People . " At least that 's what they were called behind their backs . They were the most popular kids in school . One in particular , David , was someone she would do anything for . He was the best looking guy in school . Jennifer knew that she had no way of being part of that group . They were not only the most popular , but they also came from very rich families . Her parents provided for her , but they were by no means rich . She thought she would do anything to be able to hang around these people , especially if it meant getting near David . At school later on that day Jennifer saw Brittany . Brit as her friends called her , was recognized as the leader of the beautiful people . She was very domineering and very rich . No one questioned her when she wanted something . She also happened to be dating David . Jennifer had tried to become friends with Brit , but to no avail . She was constantly hanging around them , trying to get them to accept her . Little did she know that they had noticed her and that Brit had decided to do something about the little bitch that wouldn 't leave them alone . Everyone was hanging around Brittany 's locker . Jennifer walked up and just stood there as if she belonged . They were talking about a party that was going to be at Brittany 's that night . Jennifer hoped that she would get some sort of acknowledgement that would allow her to attend . Out of the clear blue Brittany turned to Jennifer and asked her " do you want to come ? " Jennifer was shocked . She couldn 't remember the last time Brittany actually spoke to her . Now she was being invited to a party . " Sure " she said . " What time should I be there ? " Jennifer asked . " Be there around 8 : 00pm . Oh , by the way , " Brittany said . " It 's a theme party so dress up in a toga . " Jennifer said , " ok , no problem . " Then the bell rang and everyone had to go to class and the group broke up . One of the girls there , a strikingly beautiful blond named Beth had a class with Jennifer and they went off together . " Just a piece of advice , " Beth offered . " I wouldn 't wear a bra or panties with the toga tonight . " Jennifer was shocked . " Why ? " Jennifer asked . " Because they would stand out and make you look ridiculous . The ancient Romans didn 't wear anything under their togas , so why should we . Besides , if you do you 'll get teased and may never be invited to a party again . " Jennifer didn 't know what ancient Romans wore under their togas , but she suspected they wore something . The threat of being teased and not being invited to another party was real however . She had seen how this group had unmercifully teased some poor girl just because her outfit didn 't match . They could be very cruel . She decided that she would take Beth 's advice . Jennifer got home after school as fast as possible . She wanted to get ready . Her mom helped pick out the sheet and all the stuff to help make her look good . Jennifer had to admit that the toga did look real . She got ready and left the house . She had a bra and panties on because she didn 't think her mother would approve her going out without them . Once she was a couple of blocks away she pulled her car over . She slipped her panties off then worked on her bra . When they were off she started to head to Brittany 's for the party . She had to admit that she felt pretty sexy with no underwear on and just a sheet to cover her up . It wouldn 't take much to get her naked . She was a virgin , but the idea of being mostly naked appealed to her . She had masturbated and let guys feel her up , so she wasn 't completely naive . If things worked out , maybe she could get naked with David . She would be more than happy to give him her virginity . She got to the party right on time . She started to mingle around with everyone . For the first time that she could remember , they were actually talking to her . She noticed that none of the girls appeared to be wearing a bra . She couldn 't tell if they were wearing panties . After a little while Brittany came up to Jennifer . " We have a little initiation for all newcomers to our group , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer hadn 't thought of anything like that , but she was willing to do what ever was necessary . She was having such a good time ; it was like a dream come true . The dream soon turned into a nightmare . " We 're all going to go out back to the pool . Then you get to go skinny dipping , in front of everyone . Don 't get too upset , everyone has had to do it . " Of course that wasn 't true , no one had been required to do that before . Jennifer was mortified . She had never been completely naked in front of anyone before . How could she be expected to get naked in front of all these people ? Brittany could read her thoughts on her face . " If you don 't want to do it that 's fine . Of course you 'll have to leave right now and stop hanging around us . We only want people around that belong . You will only belong if you do what I say when I say , " Brittany said harshly . Jennifer was shaking she was so upset . If she didn 't do it her dreams would be shattered . If she did it , all of these people would see her naked . " Hurry up bitch and decide . You know you don 't belong here . You 're not one of us . If you want to be here you have to do what I say , no matter what it is or get out . Your choice . " Brittany was meaner than Jennifer had ever heard her before . Brittany intimidated her . Jennifer didn 't consider herself shy , but she wasn 't aggressive either . She just stood there looking at Brittany trying to figure out what to do . " Fine bitch , get out . If you aren 't going to obey me then leave . I don 't want your fucking ass around anyway , " Brittany screamed . " N . . no , " Jennifer stuttered softly . " I 'll do what you ask . " Brittany lightened up . " Fine , let 's go . " " Hey everyone , let 's go outside and watch this little bitch go skinny dipping . " The crowd roared their approval . Jennifer just wanted to shrink away and die . How could she go along with this ? Was it worth it to hang around these people ? Then she saw David and he had a great big smile on his face and he was looking at her tits . It was then that Jennifer noticed that her nipples were hard . As she walked she felt moisture in her crotch . She was excited . She realized that she was sexually excited . Almost as if this is what she wanted , to be naked and humiliated in front of everyone . She slowly followed Brittany out to the pool area . When everyone was standing around the pool Brittany turned to Jennifer . " Ok bitch , prove to us that you deserve to be here . " Jennifer closed her eyes and took a deep breath . Then she reached for her belt and undid it . She threw the belt onto a lounge chair and grabbed the toga that now hung loosely on her . She quickly pulled it off and threw it on the chair with her belt . She was interested in getting this over with as quickly as possible . She now stood completely naked in front of at least twenty people . She was humiliated beyond anything she could ever have imagined . She blushed furiously . She looked at Brittany and waited for instructions . " Hands at your sides . Let everyone get a good look at you , " she told Jennifer . Jennifer had put her hands in front of her pussy in an effort to claim some modesty . Jennifer resigned herself to her fate . She figured she had gone this far , she might as well go all the way . She moved her hands to her sides . She noticed that David was again starring at her naked body . This made her feel warm all over . Somehow she had become sexually aroused by the thought of being humiliated in front of everyone , and the fact that David had an unobstructed view of her nudity just made her feel even more aroused . " Since you seem so willing , I 'm going to give you a break . You 've done a real nice job on your hair tonight ; I 'd hate to see it get wet so here 's the deal . If you agree to hang around the pool naked for the next half - hour , I 'll set three easy rules for you to follow and you can hang around us all the time . If you would rather go skinny dipping , that 's fine , but you 'll get no towel and you 'll have to dry off with your toga and still follow my three little rules . One way you get to put on a dry toga ; the other you put on a wet toga . What 'll it be ? " Brittany asked . Jennifer knew that there would be no way to explain a soaking wet sheet to her mother . " What about your parents ? " asked Jennifer . " Won 't they see me naked out here ? " " They 're out of town for the weekend , it 's just us . " Jennifer decided . " I 'll stay dry , " she announced . " Good . I thought you might . Ok , it 's 9 : 30 now , all you have to do is stay out her naked until 10 : 00 , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer was very self - conscious now . People were milling about and looking at her hard . She desperately wanted to cover up , but she knew Brittany wouldn 't let her . " One more thing , " Brittany said . " If anyone tries to touch you , anywhere , and I mean anywhere , you must let them . Is that understood ? " The stunned teenager just starred in disbelief . How could Brittany expect her to allow that ? Brittany again could see the question on Jennifer 's face . She just shrugged and said , " my party , my rules . " Jennifer just lowered her head and whispered , " fine . I 'll do what you want . " With that Brittany went into the house , along with most of the girls . A couple stayed outside to watch . The guy 's had known what Brittany was going to do ; yet none was too sure about really feeling up this girl they hardly knew . Finally David walked up to her and grabbed her right tit . Jennifer sighed at the touch and started to shake . She was so turned on by the scene that she could smell her pussy . He rubbed and kneaded her tit . She just stood there and let him . That was the sign the rest of the guys were waiting for , and they all started to feel her up . She had hands all over her tits , ass and pussy . She felt a couple of fingers work their way into her very wet pussy . She was getting really turned on by this whole scene . She opened her eyes and looked at the girls . They were watching the situation with interest . Jennifer felt that if it were just she and the guys , she would probably already be getting fucked . That made her happy and sad at the same time . When the 30 minutes were up , Brittany came out back and announced it to everyone . Jennifer was allowed to put her toga back on and go back inside . She was very worked up sexually , never quite getting to the point of orgasm . She desperately needed release , but had no idea how to achieve it . She would have to wait to go home and masturbate . Brittany called Jennifer over . " Ok , here are your three simple rules . One , you may never wear a bra or panties for as long as you are part of our group . Two , you must be willing and able to prove that you are in compliance with rule number one at all times to everyone here at the party . That means you will have to expose yourself or find some other way to prove it . That also means that anyone can at anytime demand to touch you anywhere they want , no matter where you are , to further prove you are following rule number one . Finally number three , you must follow all of my orders to the letter without question or delay , no matter what that order is . For instance , if I tell you to take your shirt off in the middle of the school hallway so that we can examine your tits , you will immediately take your shirt off and stand ready to allow us to examine you . Do you think you completely understand these rules ? " Jennifer was scared . She didn 't know what to do . She just knew if she didn 't agree she would no longer be able to hang out with these people . She had such a good time earlier that she wanted it to go on forever . She also had to admit to herself that for some reason , she was very turned on by being forced to strip in front of everyone , and even more turned on when she was forced to let them feel her up . " Just one question , " Jennifer said . " What happens if I don 't obey an order or am too slow to do what you ask or don 't prove I am obeying rule number one to someone 's satisfaction ? " " Simple . If you refuse to follow an order , your out , and there won 't be a second chance . If you are too slow or someone doesn 't think you have done your best to prove your obedience you will be punished . And to answer your next question , punishment can be anything from being severely spanked or whipped , anywhere on your body , to being forced to participate in a gang bang with a bunch of people you don 't know . I am sure I will be forced to spank and whip you and I can promise you that your tits , ass and pussy will feel the sting of the whip . If you 're a virgin , I suggest you loose it quickly because I can guarantee you that you will be fucked a lot if you hang around us . Does that answer your questions . " Jennifer just nodded her shock and amazement at what she just heard too much for her to allow her to speak . Jennifer was sort of numb for the rest of the party . She couldn 't believe how her dream had changed so dramatically . She wondered around the party talking to people and eventually relaxed and enjoyed the party . Occasionally she would feel a hand on her ass or her tit . Several times she felt hands penetrating her pussy . She did her best to ignore them and carry on as if nothing were out of the ordinary . When the party ended and everyone was heading towards home Brittany came up to Jennifer . " I 'll be over to your house at two tomorrow afternoon . Be in the proper attire , " Brittany ordered . Jennifer said , " ok , " and left for home . On the way home she thought about putting her bra and panties back on , but decided that it was late and her parents wouldn 't see her so what was the point . She got home and noticed her parents were already in bed . She went up to her room in a hurry . She was so horny she had to masturbate right away . She had unbuckled her belt and was removing the pins in her hair when she ran into her dad . She gave a start and said " hi daddy . " His eye 's roved over her body intently . She looked down to see that the sheet was hanging loose again , like at the party . Most of her tits were visible and one hip was plainly in sight . It was obvious she was not wearing panties or a bra . Her father cleared his throat and said , " I was coming down to make sure it was you coming into the house . Um , by the way , aren 't you missing something ? " Jennifer blushed to know her father was seeing her mostly naked and knew she wasn 't wearing underwear or a bra . " Please don 't tell mom , " she begged . " I would have looked real stupid wearing them , " she offered . She realized that he had not looked her in the face . He was eyeing her body , or at least what of it he could . When Jennifer realized this she flushed anew with sexual tension . She did nothing to cover herself up . Instead she reached over to the side that was pinned together and removed the pin . This caused the toga to fall from her right side and just hang off of her left shoulder . This had the effect of completely exposing her right tit and the entire right half of her body , including most of her pussy . She was so excited by exposing herself to her father ; it never dawned on her what he might do . " Please daddy , don 't tell mom , " Jennifer begged again . Her father , visibly upset by what he had seen , roughly grabbed his daughter by the elbow and forcefully walked her to her room . He threw her down on the bed and ordered her to wait for him . He stormed off . Jennifer didn 't know what had come over her and why she exposed herself to her father . He was really angry . She had never seen him that angry before . She just sat there shaking her head wondering what had gotten into her . While she was waiting for him she felt her pussy . It was soaking wet . She was becoming more and more convinced that humiliation was a turn on for her . She would soon learn that there is a price to pay sometimes for getting what you want . She would also soon learn that humiliation mixed with pain is a wonderful aphrodisiac . Her father stormed back into her bedroom , carrying his belt . " I 'll keep quiet , but you 'll have to be punished for your conduct , " he growled . Jennifer was frightened , yet excited at the same time . He told her to roll over face down on her bed . Jennifer was too scared to argue and moved to comply . Without warning he ripped the sheet from her body . She was now completely naked in front of her own father . She almost chuckled when she realized at the start of the night she hadn 't been naked in front of anyone , and now over t " You hold that position little girl while I give your ass the whipping of a life time , " her dad said . And without any warning she felt the sting of his belt hitting her ass . It felt like fire in her ass . She had no idea how bad this could hurt . She had hoped that she would be able to maintain dignity during this ordeal . Now she just prayed she could survive it . Again and again the belt landed on her ass . The pain was spreading . Her whole ass felt like it was on fire . The tingle of the pain was spreading throughout her body , especially to her pussy . As her father beat her ass over and over , she could feel her pussy start to juice up . Tears were freely streaming down her cheeks and she was screaming into her pillow . Yet the whole time this was going on she could feel her pussy getting hotter and hotter . Without realizing what she was doing , she started to spread her legs . Before long they were spread wide , giving her father a clear view of her virgin teenage pussy . This seemed to infuriate him and he hit her ass with renewed vigor . Her pussy was on fire . Her ass was practically numb . The more he beat her ass , the more excited she became . She didn 't know her pussy was spread , nor did she realize that she was lifting her ass to meet the belt as it came down . Her mind was spinning out of control . Her body was experiencing sensations she hadn 't ever felt before . All of a sudden it happened . The whole night came crashing in on her and she exploded into her most intense orgasm ever . She saw stars and a bright light as her orgasm hit . Her whole body convulsed and shook with the force of her orgasm . She screamed for all she was worth into her pillow . Her father had no idea what was going on and was afraid he had done some real damage . He just stood there and watched his daughter go through the throws of a very powerful orgasm . When it was finally over he looked down at his naked 17 year old daughter . Her legs were still spread wide . He could see her pussy clearly and it was soaking wet and spasming . He saw her body twiJennifer lay there for another half - hour trying to pull herself back together . She was finally able to move and go up off of her bed . She moved over to the mirror and looked at her ass . The asset she felt was her best was all red and bruised . She gingerly tried to touch it and felt that it was hot . She could barely touch it without feeling pain . She touched her pussy and discovered she was more wet than at any other time in her young life . She wasn 't too sure what to make of everything . It was too much for her at that point . She still wasn 't thinking too clearly . Her mind was still a blur . She decided to just go to bed and try to sleep . Jennifer woke up the next morning very sore . She moved over to her mirror and looked at her ass . The redness had mostly gone away . There were still some visible marks . She would be bruised on her ass for some time . She took a shower and threw on some sweats and went to the kitchen to get some breakfast . Her father was there drinking coffee and reading the morning paper . It was Saturday so he was off from work and she didn 't have school . " Where 's mom ? " she asked . " She went shopping , " he said . It was just a little too tense in the kitchen . Jennifer could tell her dad was still upset about last night . She decided that she had to do something about it , after all it was her fault . She looked at her father and said , " I 'm not upset that you whipped me last night . I deserved it , " she said . Jennifer took a deep breath and committed herself to an uncertain future . " I want you to know that I love you daddy and that I would never hold it against you if you decide I need a spanking or some other punishment . " As she continued , she noticed the shocked look on her father 's face . " I 'll try to be good , but if I 'm not and you think I need to be punished , then I 'll do my best to cooperate with anything you decide to do as a means of punishment . " He just sat there looking at her . He realized what she was saying , he just couldn 't believe he was hearing it . She had just told him in no uncertain terms that he could force her to strip and accept a whipping , or any other punishment he designed , without fear of retribution . This was indeed something to think about . His immediate response was to acknowledge her statement and ask her how her ass was doing . He actually said ass , not butt . She said it was still a little sore , but doing ok . He said he had better see to make sure everything was healing fine . Jennifer flushed a little and said fine . She moved over to where he was sitting . She turned her back to him and lowered her sweat pants . She pushed them all the way down to her ankles and lifter her top . She wanted him to have a clear view . She spread her legs as much as the sweats would allow and stood there with her naked ass in her fathers ' face . He tentatively reached out a hand and touched her ass . " It 's still a little hot and I can feel the ridges where the belt impacted your ass cheeks . No real damage though . You 'll heal , " he said . His hand was gently moving all over her ass . Jennifer just stood there waiting for him to finish . When he did she causally pulled up her pants and made herself some breakfast . The rest of the day passed like normal . Just before two she heard a car and wondered if it was her mom or Brittany . She looked out the window . It was Brittany . Jennifer went downstairs to let Brittany in . Jennifer introduced Brittany to her father and then they went to Jennifer 's room . Once they were in the room and the door was closed , Brittany ordered Jennifer to strip . Jennifer was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the command , but complied none the less , remembering what she had been told the night before . When she was naked Brittany ordered her to turn around . Jennifer didn 't know what she was going to say about her ass , but she was sure Brittany would ask about it . Sure enough when her ass came into Brittany 's view she asked , " what the hell happened to your ass ? " Jennifer explained to Brittany what had happened the night before , well most of it anyway . She didn 't tell Brittany about her orgasm . Brittany smiled as the story unfolded . " Well at least now you know what to expect when I have to whip you . Since he is doing such a good job on your ass , we 'll have to think about whipping you someplace else , " Brittany explained . While Jennifer was afraid of what that might mean , she was now excited about something that last night had terrified her . Brittany explained that a few of the girls were coming over to her house tonight since her parents were still out of town . Everyone would be spending the night . Did she think she could get away for the night ? Jennifer didn 't think that was a problem . " Good , " said Brittany . " Be over at my house by nine . Now for some fun . " " I want you to fully understand your place , " explained Brittany . " Around us you will be more like a slave than anything else . Around other people you 'll be just like one of us . That means you will have to dress better than you have been . I suggest you do some shopping . We don 't want to be embarrassed by you . When you 're around us you can expect to be naked a lot and have a lot of sex . Make sure you are protected . Now I have some shopping to do for tonight so I have to get going . But before I go I want to emphasize just how important it is for you to follow my orders . If you are too slow on this order I will march you , naked , down to your father and ask for his belt . I will then ask him to watch while I beat his daughters naked pussy . Do you understand ? " Jennifer mumbled " yes , I understand . " " From now on , unless we are in public , you will address me as mistress , understood ? " Brittany asked . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer responded . " Good . Now before I leave I want to see how you masturbate . " Jennifer was stunned . She had never even considered telling anyone she masturbated , let alone do it in front of anyone . She knew she had no choice however . Sure she could refuse , but then she would never realize her dream of having sex with David . She would also be forced from the group . She had already decided that she was willing to do whatever it took to be a member of the group by stripping in front of everyone last night . She wasn 't going to blow it so soon . So she swallowed her pride and said , " yes mistress . " Jennifer slowly lay down on her bed , spreading her legs wide as she went . She took one hand and lowered it to her pussy . She gently started to rub her clit . With her other hand she started to rub her tits . She was twisting her nipple and had shoved a couple of fingers into her pussy . She started to pump her fingers into her pussy , fucking it with her fingers . She opened her eyes to see that Brittany was watching her very intently . She kept the fingers pumping into her pussy . She was pumping furiously . She moved her other hand from her tits to her hand that was finger fucking her pussy . She grabbed the hand fucking her pussy and used it to help to pound her fingers into her pussy . She could feel the orgasm building up inside her . She could tell it would be more intense than what she normally experienced when she masturbated . She assumed it was due to the audience . She could feel it building . She would hit it very soon . Her hips were bucking up off the bed . She was driving her pussy up to meet her fingers . She could tell that within a few seconds she would be hitting her orgasm . Then it hit . It was more powerful than normal . Nothing compared to last night , but powerful indeed . She could feel her pussy spasming around her fingers as her orgasm hit . She slowly started to settle down and looked at Brittany . It was then that she realized that she still had her fingers in her wide spread pussy . She also realized that she had masturbated to orgasm in front of someone who was still mostly a stranger . This humiliated her terribly and she blushed deeply . " I 'm glad you 're embarrassed . You should be , " Brittany said . " As punishment for such a shameless act , you must be whipped by your father this afternoon . We 'll want to see the marks . Oh , and just for fun , make sure its someplace other than your ass , " Brittany said laughing . Jennifer was scarred now . How was she going to get her father to whip her again , and to do it somewhere other than her ass ? Worse yet , as bad as her ass hurt , how could she stand to be whipped somewhere else ? Again , she knew she had no choice . She answered , " yes mistress . Is there any place in particular you would like the marks to be ? " She prayed for a reasonable answer . It was not to be . " I think I would like to see the marks on your tits . You 've got nice full tits . I 'll bet they make a nice target . And if I were you I 'd shave off all of that pussy hair . It 'll go easier on you if you do . " Jennifer groaned , but simply responded , " yes mistress . " " Well I 've got to leave , " Brittany said . " I 'll see you tonight . " " Yes mistress , " was all Jennifer could manage . She got dressed and walked Brittany out to her car . Once back in the house she tried to think how to get her dad to do what Brittany ordered . " Your mother met a friend shopping and won 't be back until dinner time . Did you want a late lunch ? " her father asked . " Sure , " she responded . Her mind was not on what was going on around her . She was trying to think about how to get her father to whip her tits , and not on what she was doing . As a consequence she managed to drop a whole gallon of milk on the floor making a huge mess . " Awe shit , " she said . Her father was perturbed , not angry . When they got the mess cleaned up Jennifer decided to see if her father was angry enough over this to whip her . It was an accident and he normally didn 't get that upset over accidents , but it was all she could think of and time was running out . " If you wanted to whip me for making this mess , I 'd understand , " she said with eyes lowered . He looked at her with a stunned look on his face . " It 's no big deal . Accidents happen , " he responded . " But that was a whole gallon of milk and it happened because I wasn 't paying attention , " she pushed . Her father just looked at her . She looked up at him with an almost hopeful look in her eye . " Let 's cut through the bullshit Jennifer . Tell me I 'm wrong , but I think you want to be exposed in front of me and whipped . Am I right ? " Jennifer just stood there and starred at her father . How could she answer that question ? In her heart she knew he was right , but was she ready to admit it to her father , and herself ? " Well ? " he asked . She decided it was time for a little honesty , no matter what may come of it . " Yes , " Jennifer said . " What did you say ? " her father asked . " Yes , I want to be naked in front of you and whipped , " she said . There , she said it . Now what she wondered ? Her father stood there looking at her . After what seemed like an eternity he said , " fine , I 'll go and get my belt , you can take off your pants . " As he turned to leave Jennifer reached deep inside herself for courage and asked , " daddy would you please whip my tits instead of my ass ? " That stopped him dead in his tracks . She could tell he was trying to think about this latest and most bizarre turn of events . Finally he answered . " Fine , I 'll whip your tits , but you will be completely naked . Now go into the living room and wait for me , naked . " She responded with " yes daddy . " She saw him shiver and head for his room . She went into the living room and stripped naked . When he walked into the living room he was greeted with the site of his very beautiful and sexy 17 year old teenaged daughter standing in the middle of the room , naked . He just stopped and looked at her . Damn , he thought , she was hot . He walked up to her and positioned her in the middle of the room . This gave him the most room to maneuver . " Put your hands behind your head and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer immediately moved to comply . She noticed that by putting her hands behind her head her tits thrust out more , making a much more inviting target . " Are you ready ? " he asked . She just nodded . " Alright , here we go , " he announced . Within seconds she felt the most intense pain she had ever felt in her life . She was convinced her tits had been cut and were bleeding . She was screaming her head off with the pain . She managed to open her eyes and through the blur of tears she saw the angry red welt forming on her tits , but no blood . " We can 't have that kind of screaming . The neighbors will hear . I 'll have to gag you , " he said . She nodded , knowing that he was right . What happened next shocked Jennifer to her core . Her father removed his jeans and then his shorts so that he was naked from the waist down . She had never actually seen a dick out in the open . Sure she had sucked her boyfriends off , but she had never seen a dick out in plain sight . And it was bigger than her boyfriends were and it was very hard . He took his shorts and walked up to his daughter and said , " open wide . " Her eyes were already wide open from shock . She slowly opened her mouth as wide as she could get it . He then stuffed his shorts in her mouth and said , " that should take care of the screams . " Jennifer was shaking with both lust and shock . Lust at being naked and whipped by her father , and because he was naked from the waist down showing her a very large and hard cock . With shock because she would never have believed it possible to be in this situation . Her father was now back in position to resume whipping her tits . " Are you ready , " he asked . She nodded her head . She closed her eyes and waited . She didn 't have long to wait . The belt again smacked her full on the tits , just below her nipples . The pain was excruciating . It was all she could do to hold her position . Before she had fully recovered from that blow another hit , this time just above the nipples . It felt as if he were using a hot poker on her tits . She kept seeing stars and bright lights in her mind as the pain exploded throughout her tits . He kept whipping her tits , occasionally hitting her squarely across the nipples . This produced the most extreme of reactions . Her knees would buckle and he could hear her scream , even through his shorts in her mouth . His cock was so hard that he didn 't know if it would go down . He had never been this turned on in his life . His daughters ' tits were a mass of angry welts and bruises . Still , she stood there with her hands behind her head and her legs spread wide . He wondered if she knew that pussy juice was running down her legs . She had mostly recovered from the last blow that had landed on her nipples . " I 'm going to give you a choice . You can take five more across your nipples or twenty more elsewhere . It 's your choice . Nod once if you want the five or nod twice if you want the twenty . " Jennifer was struggling to maintain her sanity . Her father was whipping her on her tits . She was completely naked , and he was mostly naked . Now she had to make a terrible decision and it was all because she asked for it . Jennifer nodded once , knowing that five across her nipples would be excruciating pain , but the tingling in her pussy told her that was what she wanted . " All right , here goes , " her father said . With a force not yet felt by Jennifer , her father landed five very powerful blows across her nipples . The pain was so intense that Jennifer had collapsed to her knees by the fifth stroke . She was practically hysterical she was crying so hard . When she finally regained some control she stood back up and assumed her position . Without saying a word her father walked up to her and put his hand on her pussy . He felt around and shoved a finger up inside her . There was no resistance since her pussy was so wet he probably could have shoved his fist inside her . He continued to manipulate her pussy , making sure to work on her clit . She mewled as he did this . She moved her hips in a fucking motion against his fingers . The orgasm hit without warning . Her senses were so messed up as a result of the whipping she had no idea she was that close . As her orgasm hit , she closed her legs holding her fathers ' hand in place . She was having an orgasm at least as powerful as the one she had last night when her father whipped her ass . She was getting weak from the effects of the orgasm . She was barely aware of her surroundings . She reached out to hold on to her father , as she was no longer able to stand on her own . It seemed to last forever . When it was finally over she opened her eyes and looked into her fathers ' eyes . He was clearly shocked at what had just happened . He removed his shorts from his daughters ' mouth and sat down on the couch . Jennifer stood there looking at her very whipped tits and then at her father . " Is that what you wanted ? " he asked . She looked at him and said , " yes , but I had no idea how bad it would hurt . " " Well , you seemed to get off on it ok , so I guess you got what you wanted . What am I supposed to do with this raging hard on ? " Jennifer knew what he was hinting at . He wanted her to do something about his hard on . After all , he had given her two of the best orgasms of her life ; she felt she owed him . She could give him a blowjob ; she knew how to do that . Then she remembered what Brittany had said . " If you 're a virgin , better lose it fast . " Jennifer wondered what her dad would think if he knew that he was going to deflower his own daughter . Jennifer was still so worked up over the whipping and the whole crazy scene that it didn 't even bother her a little to think she was going to fuck her own father . She just walked up to him on the couch , looked him in the eye , and without saying a word , positioned herself over his cock . She reached down and grabbed it . She put its head against the opening of her pussy , not taking her eyes off of her father the whole time . Once his dick was in place , she started to slowly lower herself onto her fathers cock . It was a huge dick . She had no idea if she could get it all the way inside of her . She just kept lowering herself onto his cock . He was stretching her pussy wide . She felt like she was taking a telephone pole up her pussy . With about half of it inside of her she stopped and moved back up . Having never had a cock in her pussy before she didn 't know what to expect . She got to the point that her fathers cock was just inside her pussy and then she started moving back down . She was moving down faster than before and this time his cock moved into her more easily . She almost had all of his cock inside of her pussy . She was feeling so full she couldn 't believe she had as much of his cock inside her as she did . The feeling in her pussy was so great she didn 't want it to end . This time she moved up more quickly and almost slammed her pussy back down . The sensation and pain in her pussy set her aflame with lust once again . She felt his pubic hair on her ass and looked down to see that she had his whole cock buried inside her . She was shaking with lust at the sight . She looked back at her father and he had a look of satisfaction on his face . She started to fuck him as well as she could . She wasn 't experienced at all , so she wasn 't sure what to do . She just went with instinct and did what felt good . She was moving with reckless abandon . She was literally throwing herself on to his cock . Her father just sat there and watched as his beautiful 17 year old daughter fucked herself on his dick . He was so worked up from the whipping and the masturbation of his daughter that it didn 't take long for him to approach orgasm . He could feel his cum getting ready to spurt into his daughters ' pussy . Jennifer was also approaching another mind - blowing orgasm . She was bouncing up and down on her fathers ' cock . She was amazed at how easily her pussy stretched to accommodate his cock . She felt his cock tighten up . She had no idea what that meant of course since this was her first time . She did know that her own orgasm was fast approaching . The friction of her fathers ' cock on her clit was sending her to new heights of sexual release . She loved being fucked . If Brittany was intent on humiliating her and hurting her and getting her fucked , she was all for it . She would do what ever Brittany ordered as long as she got what she needed . She realized that this made her a slut , but to be able to feel like she did right then , she was willing to accept that reality . Her fathers cock stiffened incredibly inside of her and then she felt his cum exploding inside of her . The feeling of the warm slippery fluid being pumped into her teenaged pussy was too much for her . She came and came and came . The feelings were so intense that she started to black out . Just before she lost consciousness she felt her father grab her tits and squeeze . The pain was all it took to complete her mind shattering orgasm . She just limply lay against her father , her pussy spasming with the after throws of an intense orgasm and her fathers ' cock twitching inside her pussy . When she woke up she was in her room on her bed . She was still naked and her sweats were on the floor next to her . She had no idea how long she had been like this . She reached down to clutch her pussy . She was still wet . She brought her hand up to her face and she noticed that she had something other than pussy juice on her fingers . It had to be her fathers cum . She brought her fingers to her mouth and licked them clean . She decided she needed to shower to get ready for tonight . She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror . Her tits were bruised and stripped . She was in shock at how bad they looked . Her ass wasn 't much better . She decided it was probably a " Very nice , " he said . " Why did you do that ? " " Because my friend suggested that I do it . She 's also the one that suggested you should whip my tits , " she responded . " You like what 's happening to you don 't you ? " he asked . " Yes I do . I didn 't know it until last night , but I do like to be humiliated and hurt . I have also discovered I like to be fucked . " He cringed when he heard that . He knew what that meant . " So , will this friend humiliate and hurt you ? " he wondered . " Yes she will , " Jennifer said . She didn 't want her father to know why . " I was also hoping you might be interested in doing some more ? I 've liked what we 've done so far , " she asked hopefully . He sat there for what seemed like forever to Jennifer . " We 'll continue with what we 've done today and last night , if that is what you really want . But understand this , I will use every hole you 've got , even your asshole . I 'll also be inflicting a great deal of pain on your body . If that is what you want then go over to that drawer and bring me the thongs we use for hot dogs on the grill , or if it 's not then simply pull up your pants and leave . " She didn 't even hesitate . She shuffled over to the drawer and pulled out the thongs her father had requested . " Bring them over her and spread your legs wide , " he ordered . Jennifer was unable to spread her legs with her pants around her ankles , so she removed them completely and then spread her legs wide . Her father reached out and grabbed her clit and she moaned with her approval of his rough handling . He then brought up the thongs to her pussy and grasped her clit between the ends and started to squeeze , hard . He squeezed and squeezed . Her clit was in extreme pain . Tears were running down her face . She didn 't try to stop him however ; she just stood there taking the punishment . Finally his hand got tired and he let go . Blood rushed back to her clit and the pain of that was almost as bad as when it was being squeezed . He told her to wash and put away the thongs and then to get dressed . As Jennifer was pulling her pants up she felt her pussy and found it soaking wet . She decided that this was further confirmation of what she was , a pain slut . She went to her room to get ready for tonight . Jennifer knew that she would spend the night at Brittany 's naked . For that reason it didn 't matter what she put into the bag , it wouldn 't be needed . She said goodbye to her parents and headed for Brittany 's . Her mind was trying to cope with what had happened over the past couple of days . Over twenty people had seen her naked and she had her ass and tits beaten . She had lost her virginity , to her father none the less , and now was on her way to a party that was certain to cause her great pain and humiliation . The amazing thing was she was excited about the prospect and was looking forward to it . She shoved her hand inside her pants to feel her newly shaved bald pussy and found she was wet just thinking about what might happen . She finally arrived at Brittany 's and went to the door . She left the bag in the car , as she was certain she wouldn 't need anything from it . Brittany opened the door looking as beautiful as ever . " I see that you had the guts to show . Good , we 're gonna have real fun . But you have too many clothes on to come into my house . If you want to come in you 'll have to be naked . You can put your clothes in your car if you want , you won 't need them tonight . " It was worse than Jennifer had feared . She had not expected to be naked outside where someone could see her . But she was determined to see it through . She had already accepted the fact that she was a slut and loved the pain and humiliation , so she just had to work up the courage to go through with it . She took a deep breath and took off her shirt and shorts and shoes . Now standing completely naked on Brittany 's front step she hurriedly went to her car to put her clothes in it . She furtively looked around to see if anyone was watching . She couldn 't see anyone , she just hoped no one saw her . Once she had her clothes in her car she quickly returned to where Brittany was standing . " I see you 've learned your lessons well , " she said . " I also see you took my advice and shaved your pussy and had someone whip your tits . Was it your father ? " she asked . Jennifer responded with " yes mistress . " " Good . By the way , you will refer to me as mistress all night , understood ? " " Yes mistress , " she whispered . This whole conversation was happening out in the open on Brittany 's doorstep . All she wanted to do is get into the house . Brittany now just stood there and looked at Jennifer . It was as if she were waiting for something . All of a sudden Jennifer head a car drive past and heard a bunch of yelling and carrying on . She realized that Brittany had arranged for a carload of boys to drive past while she was naked outside her house . They only saw her ass , but it was enough to embarrass her . " Ok , now we can go inside , " Brittany announced . Once inside the house they went down to the basement were all the other girls were already waiting for them . As Jennifer walked in the room got quiet . They were all starring at her bruised tits . " You should see her ass , " Brittany announced . Jennifer blushed deeply . She was an object to them , nothing more . Jennifer knew it would be a long night , and indeed it was . The pain and humiliation started as soon as she arrived . Two different girls fisted her recently deflowered pussy ; her tits were completely covered with wax and she had a fat candle shoved up her ass while it was lit and she was upside down . The wax dripped down to her ass and hit her pussy . They slapped her tits and pussy . The whole time she was in a state of sexual arousal and had more orgasms than she could count . Finally it got late and the girls were settling down . The girl named Beth that she had a class with walked up to her and lifted her T - shirt . She was naked underneath . " You 're going to eat my pussy you little bitch , " she said . This was by far the worse thing that happened to her that night . She had gotten off on all the pain , but this was different . Jennifer looked at Brittany for guidance , but all she did was smile . Jennifer knew that she would have to do it . She edged forward on her knees until she was right in front of Beth 's pussy . It was neatly trimmed and Jennifer realized that she tanned naked . Jennifer took a deep breath and opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue . She made contact with Beth 's pussy and Beth almost jumped out of her skin . Jennifer had no idea what to do so she just started to lick her pussy like she was licking an ice cream cone . She started to taste something and realized it was Beth 's pussy juice . " Put your whole mouth over my pussy and stick your tongue inside of my pussy , " Beth ordered . Jennifer moved to obey and when she stuck her tongue inside Beth 's pussy she heard the girl groan . She started to suck on Beth 's pussy and licking it . She could feel Beth starting to grind her pussy into Jennifer 's face . " Nibble on my clit and on my pussy lips , " Beth ordered . Obviously Beth knew what she wanted out of this experience , and Jennifer was happy to get the advice . She did what she was told . A few minutes later she felt Beth stiffen up and then shake all over . She was having an orgasm , all because Jennifer was giving her head . When Beth was calmed down a little she said , " not bad . Your first time I assume ? " Jennifer just nodded her head . After that it didn 't take long and Jennifer had a line of girls waiting to be treated to what Beth had gotten . Brittany laughed and Jennifer resigned herself to the fact she was going to eat out every pussy there . By the time that Jennifer was allowed to go to sleep she had eaten every pussy there , even Brittany 's . The first girl , Beth , came back for seconds . She commented to Jennifer that her skills had improved . It was probably the most backward complement she had ever received . She settled down under some blankets to go to sleep and reached for her pussy . She had eaten out all those girls , but she had not received any satisfaction . She touched her bald pussy and found it wet . She started to stroke her clit and the feelings overwhelmed her . She became more aggressive and shoved a couple of fingers inside her pussy . She was fully masturbating now . She was close to her orgasm . Her hand was moving fast and her pussy swelled up with desire . Just as she was about to cum she felt a hand on the blankets . She opened her eyes just in time to see Brittany yank the blankets off of her , exposing her to Brittany while she was in the middle of masturbating herself to orgasm . The humiliation of being discovered played on her emotions and she kept up her activities . Her hips began to bounce and gyrate to the rhythm of her hand . She threw her head back and spread her legs and came with a furious intensity . She knew she was being watched , and this turned her on big time . After she finally calmed down she reopened her eyes and saw not only Brittany , but also Beth . " That was a nice show , " Beth commented . " You didn 't have permission to masturbate bitch so you 'll have to be punished . Tomorrow morning at breakfast , in front of everyone , you 'll get your pussy whipped . It will hurt worse than your ass or your tits . Sleep well , " Brittany , said . Jennifer was scarred now . She remembered the pain in her pussy from the thongs and realized that was not going to be even close to the kind of pain she would feel in the morning . She just curled up into a ball and tried to sleep . Jennifer woke up ; surprised she could sleep at all . As she got up she felt very self - conscious because she was the only person wondering around naked . Brittany walked up to her and said , " let 's go to the living room . Everyone will eventually be there and we 'll get to your punishment . " Jennifer shivered at the thought that she was going to let someone whip her pussy . She followed Brittany to the living room of her house . A number of the girls were already there . In the daylight they got a much better view of her bruised and battered tits and ass . She wanted crawl off somewhere and hide . When everyone was there Brittany got up in front of everyone . " This little slut was caught masturbating without permission last night . Her punishment is to get her pussy whipped . There are twelve of us . I 'm going to give her a choice . She can take five from each girl for a total of 60 , or she can take 50 from me . I should point out that I have a very good aim and can guarantee that I will hit your clit a large number of times . The other girls may not be as good and you may get lucky . I 'll leave it up to you . " Jennifer thought it over and decided while the number was higher , she was hoping some of the girls might show her mercy and not hit her too hard . She knew that Brittany would hit her hard and believed that Brittany would score a large number on her clit . " I would like to have everyone give me five on my pussy mistress , " Jennifer stated . They pulled a coffee table over to the middle of the room and placed Jennifer on he back on the table . Brittany had Jennifer hold her legs up and back , fully exposing her pussy for all to see . The table was rather short for her body so her head hung off the other end . " Now you must hold that position . If you fail to keep your legs apart with your pussy open for us to see and beat , then we start the whole process over . Is that clear ? " Brittany stated . " Yes mistress , " Jennifer replied . She only hoped she could hold this position . 60 was bad enough , if that number were to be increased she didn 't think she would be able to take it . She was afraid of permanent damage as it was . The first girl to grab the belt that Brittany brought for the occasion was Beth . She was still wearing the T - shirt she wore the night before . Everyone else was dressed . Jennifer had to admit that Beth was beautiful , probably the best looking girl there . She realized that the idea of being exposed to someone so beautiful was turning her on . Fear crept into her mind as she saw Beth practice with the belt on the couch . Jennifer 's breathing increased and her heart pounded as she held her position waiting for the first blow . Beth stepped up to the table that held Jennifer with her pussy an open invitation for the belt and took her first swing . The belt landed on the right side of Jennifer 's pussy . The pain was intense , almost as intense as when her father beat her tits . She struggled not to scream . The next three blows hit on either side of he slit . Jennifer had closed her eyes tightly and tears were streaming down her face . Her pussy was on fire with both pain and lust . Beth 's fifth and final stroke hit its target . The belt bisected her pussy lips and found the girls ' clit . The most horrible scream erupted from Jennifer 's mouth . The pain was so extreme she felt like she was going to pass out . The inhuman screaming coming from Jennifer shock up the other girls a great deal . Brittany waited until Jennifer calmed down and stopped screaming and shaking . When that finally happened she asked Jennifer , " are you ready for the next girl ? " Jennifer wanted so bad to be able to say no , I don 't want anymore , but she didn 't . Even through the haze of pain she could tell her pussy was getting wet from the situation . As she thought about it she could only imagine the sight that she presented . Lying on her back , holding her legs back and spread , her bald pussy open for all to see , and whip . It was so lude and depraved it made her shiver with lust . She responded to the question posed to her in the only way she could , " yes mistress , I 'm ready . " The next girl walked up and grabbed the belt . Her first blow caused Jennifer to scream even though it didn 't hit her clit . Her pussy was so sensitized by what was going on and the emotional state she was in , there was no way she wouldn 't scream . " We can 't have that screaming now can we , " Beth said . With that she removed her T - shirt and walked over to where Jennifer 's head was located . Jennifer looked up at the completely naked Beth and admired her beauty . She was even more gorgeous naked than Jennifer believed possible . She apparently liked to show off her body because she didn 't even hesitate to get naked . Beth spread her legs and proceeded to lower he pussy to Jennifer 's mouth . " Suck on this while you get your punishment . Maybe eating my pussy will keep you quiet . " Jennifer opened her mouth and began to work on Beth 's pussy . With all the recent experience she had , Beth was near her first orgasm before too long . Everyone took her turn whipping her pussy . She would scream into Beth 's pussy on almost every stroke , but most especially if someone managed to hit her clit . By the time it was Brittany 's turn Jennifer 's pussy was throbbing and red and puffy from being hit 55 times . Her clit had swollen up and was poking out from under its hood , making a very inviting target . Beth had stayed on Jennifer 's mouth the whole time . The screams seemed to cause her great pleasure . Beth had more orgasms from the work of Jennifer 's mouth than she could count . Brittany lined up to give Jennifer her last five lashes . Jennifer had no idea how many lashes she had left or who had done what to her . When she heard Brittany speak , she started to shake in fear . " I 'm the last one slut . I hope your ready for some serious pain . " Jennifer was ready . She had come so close to orgasm several times . While she was afraid of the pain it would cause if Brittany hit her clit , she was secretly hoping that she would because she knew that it would push her over the edge and give her a powerful orgasm . The first lash hit Jennifer squarely on her clit . It was by far the most powerful stroke she had felt yet . Her scream into Beth 's pussy was enough to send the beautiful girl into another orgasm . Brittany took her time and lined up for the second lash . It hit Jennifer 's clit again . It was all Jennifer could do to hold her legs apart . The pain was excruciating . The third lash hit her clit again and it caused her to lose control . She started to buck her hips and squirm all over the table . " Help me out . Someone hold her down , " Brittany called out . Jennifer felt hands all over her body holding her in place . The fourth lash also connected with her clit and Jennifer was almost hysterical . She was so close to orgasm that in what was left of her mind she was actually hoping the fifth stroke would hit her clit . She got her wish and she went into such a powerful orgasm that her mind couldn 't handle all of the sensations and she passed out . When she woke up she was lying on a soft bed with some very worried looking girls standing watch . " You were out for almost an hour . We were going to call an ambulance if you didn 't wake up soon , " Brittany informed her . Jennifer tried to get up but the pain in her pussy made her lay back down . " Here 's a bag of ice . Your pussy is pretty swollen and bruised . This might help . " Jennifer took the bag of ice from Brittany and put it on her pussy . The sensation of that much cold on her overheated pussy was quite a shock to her system . Once she got over the initial sensation , her pussy did feel a little better . " Thank you mistress , it does feel better , " Jennifer explained . " I 'm sorry we hurt you so bad . I had no idea that it would hurt so much that you would pass out , " Brittany offered . Jennifer knew the real reason she passed out . Yes she was in a great deal of pain and she was paying for it now . But she knew she didn 't pass out from the pain but from the best orgasm she had since her father beat her tits . She wasn 't too sure she wanted to explain the truth to Brittany because it would confirm to everyone there that she was a pain slut and got off on it . But she couldn 't let Brittany think she had hurt her so bad that she passed out either . Brittany was obviously upset about the situation . She decided she had to tell the truth . " I didn 't pass out from the pain , " Jennifer explained . Everyone looked at her with a questioning look . Everyone that is except Beth , she had a huge smile on her face . Jennifer took a deep breath and explained to everyone what happened . " I was in a great deal of pain . I seem to have a high tolerance to it however . It also happens to be a major turn on to me . When Brittany hit my clit with all five of her strokes , it was the trigger necessary for me to have a mind shattering orgasm . The orgasm was so powerful that it caused me to pass out . I 'm sorry I scarred you , but I don 't seem to have any control over the situation . " " I knew it , " said Beth . " I 've heard of people who get off on pain and humiliation , but I never believed I would ever meet one . " Everyone just starred at Jennifer . She blushed anew from all the wild stares she was getting . " Well , we 'll have to see what we can do to satisfy you . Can you move yet ? " Brittany asked . " I think so mistress , " Jennifer replied . This time she was able to move . She kept the ice pack on her pussy as she walked to try to ease the pain . " If you 're serious about what you told us , I will have to do some thinking on how we can accommodate you . When you lose your virginity let me know . The guy 's would like to use you as a party favor , if that agrees with you , " Brittany said . Jennifer took another deep breath and said , " I have already lost my virginity . I would very much like to be a party favor for the guys . I seem to get turned on by humiliation as well as pain and I 've discovered I love to fuck . " This statement seemed to shock Brittany quite a bit because she was only able to stutter a simple ok to Jennifer . They got back down to the basement and all the girls were getting the place cleaned up . Jennifer was not required to help . She just sat on a chair , naked holding the ice pack to her pussy . When the party started to break up everyone went out to her car , including Jennifer . Brittany walked Jennifer to her car and as Jennifer reached for her clothes Brittany grabbed her arm . " I think you should drive home naked . You can get dressed at home before you go into your house . If you 're lucky , no one will notice that you are naked and have bruised and battered tits . " This was a little much for Jennifer . It was one thing to be the sex object that everyone could abuse in private . It was a much more different thing to be on display for the whole town to see . She looked into Brittany 's eyes and knew it was useless to argue . Jennifer went over to the drivers ' side and got in . She looked up at Brittany begging for mercy in her eyes . Brittany offered no sympathy . All the way home Jennifer kept a watchful eye out for anyone that she knew or that might be able to see that she was completely naked driving her car . She took all back roads home . The normal twenty - five minute drive took almost forty - five minutes . About three blocks from home she saw her mothers ' car coming at her . Her heart started to pound and her hands stated to sweat and get slippery on the steering wheel . She didn 't know what to do . She knew that if her mother looked over at her as they passed she would see that Jennifer was naked and that her tits were badly bruised . She only had seconds to think . All she could do was to slouch down and hope her mother didn 't look too carefully . As they passed her mother honked her horn and waived at her daughter . Jennifer gave a weak wave back and kept going . Her mother must not have seen anything or didn 't think anything strange about her daughter being so slouched down , because she just kept going . When she got home she pulled into her driveway . She noticed for the first time that it was somewhat private and she could get into her house without anyone seeing her . She decided not to get dressed as she was in so much pain from the whippings this weekend , clothes would only aggravate the situation . She wasn 't worried about her dad seeing her naked , not after what happened yesterday . She just grabbed her clothes and bag she had packed and walked into the house through the garage . She met her father in the garage and to her horror her neighbor . They both turned to look at whoever it was that was walking into the garage . Both men just stared with their mouths open . Jennifer was equally stunned and stood there with her mouth open . She was so stunned she didn 't even try to cover up . Finally her father spoke up , " honey , you know our neighbor Bill . " " Ya . . ya , h hi Bill , " Jennifer stammered . A very stunned Bill spoke up . " What happened to you and why are you naked . " Jennifer could see that her father was a little nervous and she knew she had better come up with a good story . " Well I 'm naked because I didn 't think anyone would see me , except possibly my father and as you can see I have some pretty bad bruises in some rather sensitive area 's . I didn 't want to wear cloths because they would be painful on the tender areas , " Jennifer explained . " Ok I can accept that , but how did you get so bruised ? " Bill asked . Jennifer swallowed hard and explained , " I like to be hurt and humiliated . I get off on it . My father whipped me on my ass and my tits . I wanted it and was finally able to convince him to do it . The girls I spent the night with last night whipped my pussy this morning . I can have a very intense orgasm when being whipped as I have been . " Bill was shocked . He couldn 't take his eyes off of the naked teenager with the angry welts and bruises all over her tits and pussy . He hadn 't seen her ass yet . Which made him ask , " could I see your ass ? " Jennifer slowly turned around to show him her battered ass . " My god , " was all he could say . Jennifer 's father finally spoke up . " Well Bill , as you can see my daughter and I have a very special relationship . " " No kidding , " Bill said . " You 're free to talk to my daughter when I 'm not around . You 'll find that this is all very consensual and she really does like what has happened to her . Of course , my wife knows nothing of this , and she can 't . She wouldn 't understand . I hope we can count on your keeping this between us Bill . " " On one condition , " Bill said . " I want in . I want to be able to punish her and see her naked and everything else . I get that and I stay quiet . " Jennifer groaned while still showing them her ass . On hearing what Bill had to say she just slumped down as if the fight was gone . She was the plaything of the " Beautiful People " so that she could hang around them and be part of their group , if only as a sex toy . She and her father had a special thing going on that she was excited about , and now her neighbor was going to use and abuse her . Where will it end she wondered ? " It 's up to you Jennifer . What do you want to do ? " her father asked . Jennifer turned around and faced the two men again . " If Bill is serious about keeping quiet , then I 'm willing to let him do what ever he wants , " Jennifer replied . " Great , " Bill responded . " For starters , how about you getting your sexy ass over here . " Jennifer 's dad just stood back and watched . Jennifer walked over to where Bill was standing and stood in front of him . She had her legs slightly parted to give him a better view . He wasn 't interested in a view however . He reached out his hand and grabbed her pussy . Jennifer took in a sharp breath and jumped a little . " Sorry , " she said . " It 's a little tender . " " And wet , " Bill shot back . Jennifer blusJennifer looked at her father for guidance . Right now the way he was playing with her pussy and with the intense emotion associated with the humiliation of being a new toy for her neighbor , Jennifer really wanted to be fucked . Jennifer 's father looked her in the eye and he could tell what she wanted . He suddenly started smiling for the first time since she walked into the garage . He knew his daughter was a complete slut and he and his neighbor were going to have great fun with her . " It 's up to Jennifer , " he said . " I don 't care if you do , only that it 's ok with Jennifer . " Bill looked at Jennifer . Jennifer desperately needed to be fucked . The past few minutes had worked her up something fierce . " Alright , you can fuck me " Jennifer replied . With that Bill grabbed Jennifer by the arm and threw her against the wall . She bounced with a thud and dropped her cloths and bag . Bill walked up to her and spun her around so her ass was facing him . He kicked her legs apart and pulled her ass out back towards him . Things were happening so fast that Jennifer had no time to think . She had told him it was ok to fuck her , but she didn 't think that he would do it in front of her father . He didn 't seem to care however as he just stood there watching . She heard a zipper and then felt Bill 's cock at the entrance to her pussy . She was a little afraid of what getting fucked would feel like given that her ass and pussy were so badly bruised . Bill didn 't seem to care . Her pussy was wet and available and so he shoved it in as hard and fast as he could . He slammed his cock into Jennifer and as a result , slammed her body against the wall of the garage . This had the affect of crushing her tits , causing her to groan in pain . His cock seemed to be able to penetrate her pussy very easily . This surprised Jennifer a little as this was only the second cock she had ever had in her pussy . Then she remembered the fisting from the night before and it all made sense . Bill started to pound into her pussy , slamming her body against the wall and slapping her ass . Her sensitive pussy was gripping his cock as much as she could manage . She wanted this to be over as soon as possible . Bill however was able to maintain some level of control and kept fucking the girl for quite some time . Jennifer could feel an orgasm building and she was grateful . With all the pain in her body at present , an orgasm would be wonderful . She looked over at her father and he was just staring at the depraved scene in front of him . He began to wonder how his daughter could be this way , and if there were a way he could take advantage of it . Jennifer 's orgasm was fast approaching . She could tell it wouldn 't compare to the orgasm she had when her father fucked her , but it would be good . She started to shake and shudder as her orgasm hit . She was bouncing back against her neighbor , trying to get as much out of this fucking as possible . Bill seemed to sense what was going on and moved to fuck the girl faster . He wanted to try to orgasm with her . Finally his cum was spurting out of his cock into the teenaged pussy of his neighbor 's daughter . Jennifer 's orgasm was just about over as Bill came inside her . She was able to feel the full effect of a man cuming inside her and it felt great . It caused her to feel warm all over . When he was done he pulled out of her pussy and told her " clean up my dick . " Jennifer obediently turned around and got on her knees . She took Bill 's cock into her mouth and licked all of her pussy juice and his cum off of his dick . When she was done she stood up and grabbed her clothes and bag and said , " I 'm going to my room to get cleaned up and rest , if that 's ok with you daddy ? " He just nodded and Jennifer headed to her room . Read 418665 times | Would like to see more variety in method of punishment . Perhaps a cane for her ass and a heavy duty whip for her lovely breasts and teats . Make them bounce out of control and wobble to satisfy our lustful desires . |
The street was full of people , all hurrying to get somewhere . No one noticed a young man leaning against a wall minding his own business , but he saw everyone who walked by . He gauged and judged each one in turn , trying to find the perfect target . The younger ones rarely used cash anymore , and the very old ones were too stingy , still living in a time when a nickel could buy a cup of coffee . His ideal mark was a young man out to impress his date . They needed the least amount of pushing to convince them to hand over cash . But Devlin 's stomach was growling , and he still had to find a place to sleep to tonight , so he was quickly becoming less picky . Finally , a spoiled woman with over - priced shoes and a matching handbag came around the corner . She led two tiny dogs on long leashes and let them wander wherever they liked . Her balding , middle - aged husband trailed behind as if he had a leash as well , albeit a considerably shorter one . He would have to do . The man stared and blinked before reaching for his wallet . He started to pull out a twenty - dollar bill , but then he reconsidered and grabbed all the bills . " Of course , of course . I 'm just sorry I don 't have any more cash on me . " " Thank you , " said Devlin . " You 're too kind . " He released the man 's elbow and quickly faded into the crowd . If thought about it too much about it , the man might have second thoughts . Instead , he would just shake his head and go on trailing after his trophy wife with a satisfied glow for the generosity he had shown in helping a stranger in need . In the months since he had run away from home , Devlin had learned to control his gift with great accuracy . If he wanted , he could put almost any thought in a person 's head from great joy to crushing pain . Yet despite all this power , he was at a loss for what to do with his gift . He couldn 't be too obvious or his father would find him and send the Air Force to pick him up , but he couldn 't spend the rest of his life panhandling either . He found an alley and ducked inside to count his haul . Two - hundred - forty - five dollars . It was his best score in weeks . It would certainly be enough to keep him alive for a while . A pair of strong hands pushed him up against the wall . There were two guys , each barely older than Devlin . While the bigger of the two held him , the other one shouted , " Give me that money ! " Devlin grasped each of the punks by the forearm and imagined that they were on fire . Instantly they started screaming and patting out the flames that only existed in their minds . He smiled grimly as one of them began rolling around on the ground and the other ran down the street in a futile attempt to get help . While he knew he shouldn 't take so much pleasure at another 's suffering , even two lowlifes like these , he couldn 't help himself . It would only last a few minutes and then they would be fine . The sound of a falling garbage can lid made Devlin turn around just in time to see another figure running off down the lane . He hadn 't seen the third one hiding back there . While he had made the other two forget what he looked like , this one could identify him , and even more importantly , tell others about what he could do . Running as fast as he could , he set off after him . After ten minutes of twisting and turning back lanes and a few near hits by cars as they ran through traffic , Devlin was starting to get winded . He turned a corner and nearly ran straight into an old woman with a cart full of groceries . As she yelled at him to be more careful , he looked around to see that boy he had been chasing was gone . He cursed his bad luck and apologized to the woman . There was nothing more he could do for the moment . He got something to eat at a nearby diner and considered his options . If he couldn 't find that kid soon and wipe his memory , he might have to move on to a new city . He didn 't want to do that yet . There was something about this place . He felt almost as if he had been drawn here . And yet , Devlin knew he couldn 't afford to get caught . He would keep enough money set aside for a bus ticket if he had to leave town in a hurry . It was starting to get late , and Devlin realized that he would have to get in line at the shelter soon if he wanted to get a bed tonight . He left the diner and made his way down the strip to where the mission house stood . He was still a block away when he saw that something was wrong . The usual line of homeless were nowhere to be seen . There were only two guys standing out front when there should have been more than fifty . " Not that you 'll get to in time , " the man answered . " They 'll all be full by now with the overflow . Looks like you 'll have to find some place else to squat tonight . " " Just stay out of the parks , " said the other man . " They always send an extra patrol out to the parks when a shelter closes . Rookie mistake . " " Thanks , " he said and started to walk away , looking for a cheap hotel where they wouldn 't ask a lot of questions . He hadn 't gotten more than a block before he saw that same kid walking down the street towards him . Certain he hadn 't made him , he ducked into an entranceway and waited for the boy to pass by . One minute passed and then another , and he started to think that he had turned around or gone into one of the buildings . He was just about to risk sticking his head out to look when the kid walked by . He reached out and grabbed the boy 's wrist . He struggled to pull away but Devlin was too strong . As he pushed the boy up against the doorway , he got his first surprise . This boy he had been chasing was really a girl . She had her hair cut short , and she wore a dirty baseball cap and baggy clothes . It was no wonder that he had mistaken her for a boy . While Devlin was thin and not particularly muscled , he had no trouble holding the girl in place . She was a year or two younger than he was , and from the look of her , she hadn 't eaten a good meal in a while . He felt bad erasing her memory , but he had to keep his secret safe . Devlin slipped into her memories , but instead of guiding them , he was drawn into her past as though he were caught in an overflowing river . The intensity of emotion overwhelmed him as he found himself standing in an unfamiliar kitchen where man and a woman were fighting . He knew from his connection with the girl that these were her parents , and that the fighting was an almost daily occurrence . The scene changed to the girl 's bedroom , where he found himself in her body lying awake , praying that the fighting would stop . When her father finally stormed out in a rage , the house became quiet again , except for the faint sound of sobbing from her parents bedroom . Feeling that it was finally safe , she snuck out her room and down the hall towards the bathroom . When she was only halfway there a deafening bang sounded and her heart nearly leapt out of her chest . The bedroom door was open a crack , so she pushed it until he could see inside . There was blood everywhere on the walls and ceiling . She looked down to see her bare feet soaked in her mother 's blood and she screamed . The sickly , metallic smell of it overwhelmed her and she ran outside and collapsed retching and crying on the front lawn . Time jumped forward a week , and she was curled up on her bed , crying . She had refused to speak since her mother 's suicide and had barely left her room since the funeral . Her father , reeking of alcohol , burst in . He berated her and demanded her respect . When she didn 't answer him , the bastard actually blamed her for her mother 's death and slapped her face with the back of his hand . She ran out of the house and kept going . Another jump and now she was hiding in an abandoned industrial building with most of its windows shattered and missing . She would sleep on a discarded mattress that smelled of piss and had holes where the rats had picked at the stuffing to make their nests . Some hobos moved into the building and she had to run again , driven out of even that meagre shelter . She wandered the streets begging for change from strangers . She was digging for scraps of food from the garbage when Devlin recognized himself driving away the two muggers . He could sense that she was becoming exhausted by reliving the worst parts of her life , and he took the opportunity to regain control . For the first time in months , the girl relaxed as feelings of serenity and peace washed through her . If he pushed harder he knew he could drive all the pain from her mind , or even erase the memories all together . But even at sixteen , he knew that was as much a violation as what her father had done to their family . Those memories were a part of her now , but what he could do was soften the edges and help her come to terms with her past . So deep and powerful were the girl 's fears that when he finally pulled away from her mind , he found that he had been crying . She stared blankly at him , unsure of what had just happened . Devlin let her go , but instead of running away she lurched forward and hugged him . In the few seconds that had passed in the real world , a bond of trust had formed between them . He had just wanted to ease her mind , but he had gone too far . Lost and alone , she would look to him for help and guidance as the only person in her life that had ever made her feel good about herself . Devlin sighed . Like it or not she was his responsibility now . He looked over the girl and noticed she was wearing the same clothes she 'd had on when she had run away . They were noticeably filthier than when she had left and were starting to show signs of wear after living on the street for so long . That was something he could help with at least , Devlin realized . She didn 't answer , but instead fingered a chain that hung around her neck . It was a pendant with what was presumably her name - Skye . She quickly tucked the necklace away under her shirt as if it were a terrible secret . It was likely the only thing of value she had on her . " Well Skye , what do you say we get you something to eat , " he said , " and then maybe find you some new clothes . " When they had eaten , the two of them paid a visit to a thrift store for some clothes and a backpack for her . Afterward they made a quick stop at a drugstore for essentials like a toothbrush and deodorant . Just because she had to live outdoors , he thought , didn 't have to mean she had to smell like a garbage pail in a locker room . After the day she 'd had and with nowhere else to go , he decided to splurge and use up most of the rest of his money and rent a hotel room . There was place not far from here where they didn 't ask questions if you could pay up front in cash . It was a dump by any standards , but it was dry and warm , and most importantly it had a shower and beds . The sun was already setting when he checked them in , so by the time Skye had cleaned herself up and rinsed out her old clothes it was already dark outside . She came out of the bathroom and modelled her new clothes as if they were her prom dress . In the few hours that they had been together , she had not said a single word . He knew better than anyone the horrors she had seen , so he didn 't press the point . Their shared experience gave them an unspoken understanding . When Devlin had taken his turn in the bathroom , he came out to find her fast asleep . He turned off the television and sat down on the bed beside her . As he counted the remains of their money , he quickly grew dismayed . There was enough for a meagre breakfast , but after that they would need more . He knew he couldn 't keep guilting strangers into giving him pocket change , especially now there were two mouths to feed . Devlin lay down on the bed beside Skye and stared up at the water stained ceiling . He was determined to find a better way to live than this . As he listened to the sounds of the street below , the beginning of a plan was starting to come together in his mind . It was early morning when he woke with Skye still sleeping beside him . Devlin managed to get out of bed without waking her and made his way as quietly as he could to the bathroom . He had begun folding up and packing away the clothes that they had rinsed out the night before when there was a light tapping at the door . He opened the door to find the sleepy - eyed girl standing there . She pushed her way inside , so Devlin took the hint and left her alone . He had to admit it was nice to have company for a change , even if she never spoke . Living on the streets and hiding meant he didn 't have a lot of opportunities to socialize . Devlin was an only child who had been bounced around from city to city every time his father had been reassigned . He was used to being independent , but that was not the same as being alone . Still , it was too dangerous for the girl to stay with him . If he were caught , he would hate to think what might happen to her . While he was waiting for Skye , he turned on the television . There was nothing on at this hour except morning talk shows , so he went through the channels until he found one that was recapping the local news . As he finished packing , he watched as they showed footage of a garage fire that had consumed the entire building and killed two people including a local celebrity car dealer . They talked briefly about an asteroid that was going to make a close pass by the Earth in the next few days . Then they switched to a story about how a local councilor was holding up the city budget debate in an attempt to force drastic cuts . Devlin realized now why the shelter had closed . Without a budget , all sorts of non - essential programs were shutting down as they ran out of money . It sickened him that one man should have that kind of power . The bathroom door opened and Skye wandered back into the room . He turned off the television and smiled at her . A little soap and some fresh clothes had transformed her back into a presentable young woman . She saw him smiling and turned away , embarrassed . Devlin knew of a woman 's shelter that took in teens who came from abusive families . He hoped that they would have room for Skye there . He knew if the government got involved , they would send her back to her father , and she would just wind up on the street again or worse . The shelter offered counselling services and would help get her into decent foster home . It wasn 't strictly legal , but it helped keep girls off the street and from falling into prostitution . As long as they kept a low profile , the legal system was willing to turn a blind eye to their activities . Devlin felt that it was their best option under the circumstances . It took almost an hour to walk there from the hotel , and when they arrived they found the doors locked . A hand - written sign in the window merely said they were closed due to lack of funding . Devlin swore and pounded his fist on the door . Skye stood with her hands in her pockets staring down at the ground . Although it was only an illusion created by his ability to connect and influence minds , their shared experience made him feel responsible for her . Now he felt like he had failed Skye , and all the other girls in this city like her who needed help . When she looked up at him again , her eyes seemed to say that he had done his best . Still he blamed himself . He had the power to make real changes in people 's lives , but he had spent his time hustling for pocket change . That was going to end here and now . After a quick stop at a hotdog stand for lunch , they walked into the centre of downtown until they were standing in front of city hall . A small group of protesters picketed the street outside . From the signs and chants , they seemed mostly to be protesting the drastic cuts proposed in the budget . Devlin led Skye past them and up the steps to the main building . Once inside , the shouts of the protesters all but vanished . He looked around , uncertain of where to go next . Against one wall , a uniformed guard sat at a desk and eyed the two of them suspiciously . When Devlin saw him , he marched directly toward the guard and said , " I 'm looking for Councillor Moore . Can you tell me where his office is ? " The guard leaned back and smiled . Oh , it 's you . I didn 't recognize you . Just take the elevator to the tenth floor , turn left , and go down to the end of the hall . You can 't miss it . " The office was exactly where the guard had promised . Devlin turned the knob and walked in . A young blonde woman looked up from her computer and smiled placidly . " Hello there , " she said . " Can I help you ? " " I need to see the Councillor right away , " said Devlin . He looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was almost two o ' clock . " I have an appointment for two . " The man was even bigger in life that he had been on television . He looked as though he had been stuffed into a cheap suit a size too small . A sheen of sweat was visible on his face despite the air conditioning , as though barking into a phone was hard labour . " I don 't care how you do it , " he said into the receiver . " Just get it done . It 's an election year and every dollar counts . I don 't want any excuses . " Moore abruptly slammed the receiver into its cradle and stood up to meet the two teenagers who had just wandered into his office . " I don 't believe we 've met . What can I do for you kids ? " " Hello , councillor . I 'm Devlin and this is my friend Skye . We represent Teens for Right Choices , and we 've seen what you 've done in the city budget debates . We just wanted to congratulate you on all your hard work , and we were wondering if we could get a picture with you . " Moore smiled broadly and puffed out his chest . " Well , why didn 't you say so ? I have a lunch with the mayor , but I can give you a minute or two . I 'm always glad to help the youth of our fine city . " He strode around the desk and held out his hand for Devlin to shake . Devlin took the man 's hand and the two of them were instantly launched into the homeless shelter where Devlin had spent many nights over the past few weeks . The councillor was dressed in torn jeans and a dirty t - shirt that looked like he had worn them for weeks . " I want you to feel what it 's like to be homeless , " said Devlin . " The loneliness , the misery , the hunger . " Devlin was puzzled . Whenever he had influenced someone , even when he had gone deep like he had here , the person had never been aware . It was always more like a dream or a memory , but Moore seemed fully conscious . He would have to push harder . " This is what it 's like to be without a home , and now you want to take even this meagre shelter away . And for what ? To score a few political points ? To make a few rich people a bit richer ? You should be ashamed of yourself . How can you call yourself a servant of the people ? " " Look kid , " said Moore . " I don 't know how you 're doing this , but your little show isn 't going to make me change my mind . If these people really wanted to , they could get a job and take care of themselves . There 's no excuse for laziness . " Devlin shifted the scene to Skye 's bedroom . It was the night her mother died and the argument could be heard in the next room . He pointed to the girl curled up on the bed trying to shut out the noise . " And what about her ? Is she supposed to get a job and take care of herself ? " The councillor was sweating even more than before . " Everyone has a hard luck story . So she came from a broken home . That doesn 't mean she can 't tough it out . My father used to beat me all the time and look at me ! I 'm going to be the next mayor of this crummy town . " Skye did not run into her mother 's room as she had before . She went up to Devlin and pulled on his arm . " You have to stop , " she said . " You 're killing him . " The man had turned a deathly shade of pale . He collapsed on the floor and moaned , " Please . Call an ambulance . I don 't want to die . " Devlin felt a moment of panic as he saw the man lying there struggling to breathe . He had never considered that his ability could be lethal . He had thought that at worst he might change someone 's personality or erase their memory . But as he saw Moore slowly crawling across the carpet , the thought crossed his mind that if he only waited , his problem would be solved . When Devlin looked into those pleading eyes , he knew she was right . He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the door . Moore 's secretary was still there typing away at her computer . " There 's something wrong with the councillor , " he said . " I think it 's his heart . You better call an ambulance . " " He 'll be fine , " he said to Skye . Devlin didn 't wait around . He walked quickly to the elevator and took it back down to the lobby . As the two of them walked out on to the sidewalk , they could already hear the siren of the approaching ambulance . They walked a few blocks to a park and sat down on the bench there . Skye was still visibly upset from their visit to the councillor . Devlin took her hand and said , " It 's not your fault your mother died . She was obviously in a lot of pain , but what she did was wrong . It hurt you and that is the last thing a mother should do to her child . " " No , stop blaming yourself , " said Devlin . " Remember there were good times as well . " He took her back in her own memory to a time when she was nine or ten , and she was playing in a park not so different from the one they were in now . Her mother and father were there laughing and holding hands . She had forgotten that day in the park even though it had always been one of her happiest memories . Devlin brought her back to the present and let her wipe the tears away from her eyes . " Now the only question is where are we going to get enough money to eat ? " " What 's this ? " he asked . He opened up the wallet and checked the ID . It belonged to councillor Moore . " You stole his wallet ? " " I can 't say I approve of that sort of behaviour , but I 'm going to let it slide this one time . Due to extenuating circumstances . " He took the money and stuffed it in his pocket before wiping down the wallet and tossing it in the trash . " It seems dinner is on Mr . Moore tonight . I know a great Chinese place not far from here . Why don 't we go see a movie and then grab a bite to eat . " Later that evening , they went back to the hotel to spend the night . There had been almost three hundred dollars in the wallet . It was enough to last them several days if they were careful . It didn 't solve the big problem of what they were going to do next , but at least they would have a few days of relative comfort . He sat on the bed watching the television while Skye picked through the leftovers . The news came on , and he was about to change the channel , but the first story was about Moore . It seemed as though the city council had taken advantage of his absence and called an emergency session to push through the budget . They said all city services would resume normal operations by Monday . Devlin switched the channel . It seems as though he had accomplished what he had set out to do after all . In a few days , he could drop Skye off at the woman 's shelter and she could get the help she needed . He had helped her as much as he could , but she still had a long road ahead of her . There was nothing to watch on the television , so Devlin decided to take a shower . As he fished through his bag for his toiletries , an envelope fell out . He had never seen it before , so he held it up to show Skye . " Did you put this in my bag ? " It was an invitation with his name on the outside . When he opened it up , his eyes went wide . He had guessed it was true , but now he had proof . There were other people like him and they wanted to meet . He would finally get some answers . All he had to do was wait a few more days . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I don 't know if it 's because I 'm on my period and the mood swings are hella strong or what but I cried more than I wanted to and felt like I still wasn 't crying enough . It was weird . I was actually super surprised that Haesoo understood that Eun wanted So to kill him as compared to Jung who didn 't hear anything . I mean , I don 't think anyone did , yet she somehow still caught that but I mean , cool . Interesting thing happens . It 's super late in the drama but now So wants to become king . And when he does , Haesoo goes up to him and says , " but what if I ask you not to pursue that ? " to which he responds that he would convince her until he could . That question kind of threw me off , I mean I kind of saw it coming but at the same time , I felt like that was a question reserved for Wook . Then again , they are working these things out differently . Whereas Ruoxi remembered her history lessons , Haesoo just gets premonitions - history plays like a television drama in front of her brain . So , while Ruoxi was hoping to change history by saving the one she loved from the path of known destruction starting with his family all the way through hers , Haesoo just thinks that So is going to end up killing all his brothers . This was the reasoning for Ruoxi to avoid 4th Prince in the first place but work around him carefully because she didn 't know how long she 'd be in the palace . I believe she also asks 4th Prince not to but at the same time it 's like , it 's going to happen anyway and everything she 's tried to do to alternate history has done nothing but aid it so what is the use of trying to stop him . It 's going to happen regardless . Which brings me to a side note : what happened to the whole idea of Ji Mong is also from the future ? Like … they just completely abandoned that . Well , I get that the way they went around it was supposed to be an entire " we shall talk no further of this * wink wink * * hush hush * " but still . This better be explained in the last episode . Also , Yo is a weak ass bitch . The boi dun killed only one of his brothers by himself and he 's out here having PTSD and hallucinations ! Kill two more of your siblings and I 'll understand . I get that you killed the weakest and most innocent of them all , I mean the boy has never even been to a war ground , but like damn , you really aren 't fit for being King if only one direct death is on your hand and you 're freaking out . ( Let 's not mention how So has killed many more and witnessed more deaths and seems to be doing just fine because * phab ejs are phab ejs * . ) I love that shot of Hae Soo and Wang So at the lake where the sun first reaches - specifically the shot where they are at the gate entrance looking over it . It is absolutely gorgeous . I think I found a picture of it on Tumblr and it looked like it was straight out of a ghibli movie ! I also like how Wang So and 4th Prince 's hiding places are still kind of similar . 4th Prince had the water lily garden and Wang So has the lake where the sun first rises . Both of which are / would - be beautiful . Also , wala ! We have the introduction of Seohyun and Z . Hera ! I was wondering when their characters were coming in . I wonder how Seohyun plays ? They called her Princess and she yelled at 13th Prince about making fun of them for having fallen to Goryeo , so I 'm guessing she is the character that replaces Luowu ? I 'm only estimating because she and Luowu both play daughters of a noble family that fall from their nobility because of the king and will ( as the trailer has shown + grape vines ) they end up with the 13th Prince . Obviously she is going to play a bigger role than Luowu . Not only that but she 's also actually going to do something in the drama , as compared to Luowu , noted by the fact that she has a sword and there are some scenes that sneaked that she can fight and stuff . Eeh … what 'll happen will happen . Also , I have to say , changing Mingyu into Z . Hera 's character , I think , is adorable ! I love how tough she seems to be but completely shy she is towards him ! It just … melts me . Couple goals is real ! * ugly crying * This is all projective though , so I hope this is true . Oh , goodness , I cannot forget that incident with Yeonhwa and 3rd Prince . First of all , gross . . What is even going on ? Her relations towards all of them is still very unclear . They simply call her Princess and the King knows of her and treats her like a daughter , so it 's kind of weird to think that the Princes ' might fight over her knowing this ? I just … don 't really get it right now . I guess I 'm supposed to kind of just accept it kind of like when I had to accept the fact that Ruoxi and 8th Prince were trying to get together despite being in - laws . I don 't know . Also , 3rd Prince is super rape - y . For being a complete coward , which I have no idea why he has that aura but he just does , he 's being rather possessive over something that isn 't his . Also , he nasty . I hate his eyeliner . What is up with the eyeliner ? It just brings back the nasty eyeliner days with Jang Geunsuk in You 're Beautiful . * shudder * But to each their own . He 's so naturally handsome too … sao sad . I think that 's all the points I 'm going to go through this episode . There 's probably more but I 'm just not going to go over those . Watch it for yourselves LOL Published on October 1 , 2016 by isadinosawrLeave a comment We went out on a date . He had to work that day and he wasn 't done until 10PM and the minute he was done , he asked if he could call me . I was on the toilet but I answered the call anyways and muted myself so I could flush the toilet . It was late but he still wanted to hang out . I 'm cool with that ; you see , I was still having a sugar high from my date with the girls that day , so I didn 't care that it was late . I was infectiously happy and ready to run just about anywhere . I told him that I didn 't care how late it was if he wanted to hang out then we could hang . I also happened to have forgotten that I had left my phone charger in Lucy 's possession . I quickly asked her for her address to that I could retrieve it . He scrambled on over to our meeting place ( Longfellow Elementary ) and we drove off for Lucy 's place . After retrieving the charger , we debated on where to go loiter . In the middle of the night in a small town like Eau Claire , there just isn 't much to do . He suggested going to a park to just sit down and talk . I didn 't mind and offered Phoenix Park since I often frequent it on my midnight walks . I simply could not sit still . I sat in the car trying not to make noises as we got closer and closer to the park . I explained to him how I was so excited with being out late and how I had so much energy . In that moment I set my heart on laying on the fluffy grass that resided in the maze area of Phoenix Park and rolling myself down the hill . I was set on rolling myself off the Earth and flinging myself into the sun so that I could be apart of J - Hope . I was mutha - fuckin SET ! It was no surprise that as soon as I ran to the grass it was sopping wet . The sprinklers were running all over and so the grass was all wet - unrollable . The hyper puppy that was me was very thoroughly upset . I whined to him like a small child and teasingly blamed it on him . We walked around trying to figure out where we would sit with the cement and the benches being so wet28 . 09 . 16 Sorry I haven 't been updating . I haven 't been writing much either . Today I 'm having one of those days . Those days where no matter how loud you turn up the music in your ears , it isn 't loud enough . And it 's annoying when you think it 's loud enough but you can still hear everything , and you wish you couldn 't , but you can . Where whispers are too loud and talking is too much , and you wish you could just drown yourself in the noise that 's replaying in your ears . Those days where everything 's okay and you hate it . You want to take the computer in front of you and throw it across the room , or just run into the white walls that run throughout the building . Or just to run outside in general , but you have no where in mind , it 's too cold , you 're not up to running too far anyways . So you don 't do anything at all . You just play your music too loud , sit in front of the screen lazily like you don 't care , and leave your face in that dark frown your mom always tells you ruins your face . You know , just one of those days . Published on February 27 , 2016March 16 , 2016 by isadinosawrLeave a comment It was easy to befriend him ; Jimin was as bright as the sun and hard to miss . He became quick friends with Namjoon , a neighborhood boy two years older than him , and they frequented the manhwa store halfway between their places . Every time they went to the manhwa store , Jimin would pull every book he could find involving gangsters . He idealized their life , wanting to become one . Namjoon would patiently listen to Jimin 's ramblings about the gangster life . Jimin 's strong fascination with their life amused him on occasions . They started hanging out less when Namjoon got a job at the gas station . With his first paycheck , he offered both Jimin and Taehyung , Namjoon 's other friend , to eat at a Chinese restaurant . Just as they finished ordering , a large group of men walked in and as they did Taehyung excused himself from the restaurant . Jimin turned around to see who it was that seemed to have scared Taehyung off . His eyes widened in excitement when he saw the gang sitting at the table . He rapidly patted Namjoon 's arm to catch his attention . Namjoon set down the glass cup he was drinking from to turn and look . " Hyung , do you think they 're gangsters ? " Jimin asked . Namjoon shrugged and turned forward , making sure not to act strange and catch attention . Jimin watched them excitedly from behind his chair , giggling to himself about how cool they were . When the food came to their table Namjoon watched in fascination Jimin 's effort to scarf it down quickly . Making sure to wipe his mouth , Jimin suddenly got up from his chair and turned around . Namjoon was too slow to grab Jimin 's sleeve before he started to make his way to the gangsters . Taking up four tables at a corner of the restaurant , they all started digging into the meals placed in front of them . Kun Hyung , the man sitting at the round table at the center of the four tables with the jacket loosely hanging over his shoulders , looked up at the waitress who brought him his bowl of foToday they had decided to play hookie . Well , Jimin did . The other two never went to school . That day they planned on climbing a mountain just outside the village outside of the city . Together they climbed up the mountain , in search of this tree that granted wishes that Taehyung had read about online . It took them about three hours to find it once reaching halfway up the mountain . They don 't remember how they found it , just that they were walking and suddenly they were there . They stayed there for the rest of the day , waiting for the new day to break through . As they waited , Namjoon pulled out a blanket from his backpack , breaking the zipper as he pulled it out . They told stories to each other and bonded . Just as the day was starting to break through , Jimin fell asleep with his head on Namjoon 's lap and his back leaning against the tree . Namjoon lightly shook Jimin awake as they started to pack up . Jimin rubbed his tired eyes and looked up to see that the sun was already high in the sky . Namjoon apologized for not waking him up and Taehyung joked about how he looked too cute lying there to wake up . Namjoon suggested they come another time when Jimin was older so that he could stay up late enough for it . Taehyung teasingly bumped into his shoulder and asked him what his wish was . " I want to go to the beach . All of us , together , " Jimin said . Namjoon and Taehyung chuckled ; Namjoon told him he didn 't need to wish that . " I have a job ; once I save up enough , we can go to the beach together . " They came back down the mountain safely , splitting ways to their homes . Shortly after that day , Jimin made time to run back to the Hyungwon quarters to share his experience with Kun Hyung . On that day , Kun Hyung was on a " business trip " , as they said , and so they quickly tried to chase him out . He jumped into the closest room by him to avoid the lackeys chasing after him . He turned around to find a young man sitting on a creaky bed with a worn out sweater . The young man turned around quickly , clearly frightened by Today , Kun Hyung wasn 't there again . Jimin had rushed over to show him his newly dyed hair . Before Jimin left , Kiseop hyung , one of the lackeys who worked with Kun Hyung , gave him Kun Hyung 's jacket . Jimin marvelled at it , the jacket that always hung over Kun Hyung 's shoulder . One of a kind ; no one else had this jacket , no one else was allowed to replicate this jacket . This was the one and only . And here , Kiseop hyung had just handed this to him ; Kun Hyung was giving this to him . This jacket that he had never seen leave Kun Hyung 's shoulders , was being given to Jimin . He couldn 't handle his excitement . For some strange reason Kiseop was in a rush to have Jimin out of the building , but Jimin was too excited to even notice ; he was content with having to leave . As he was walking out , another lackey stopped Kiseop to ask him something , to which Kiseop pushed Jimin forward to keep walking without him . As Jimin continued , he saw the same man from the dark room sitting on a chair in a different room . He excitedly waved at him to catch his attention . He laughed when he saw his eyes widen at his hair color . " Cool , right ? " Jimin said , pointing to his bright orange hair . The man smiled and nodded . Just as Jimin was about to step into the room to talk with him , Kiseop hyung appeared behind him and urged him forward again . He bent backwards in order to wave goodbye to the man before disappearing down the hallway . Jimin kept exclaiming in disbelief at the jacket , giggling to himself . ___________________________________ Jimin had gotten a text from Namjoon the other night . He excitedly jumped out of his house , eager to show off the jacket to Namjoon for their hangout today . As they walked down the busy street , Jimin stopped every time he saw a mirror , admiring the look of the jacket , loosely hanging over his torso . Calmly , Namjoon continued ahead of him , sucking on his lollipop . He called out Jimin 's name , thinking that he was still following behind him . " Did you hear me ? " Namjoon said . He turned around to find that Jimin was no longer following him . In fact , he couldn 't see him behind him anymore . He walked back a bit to see if he had gone down a different alley , only to find Jimin laying on the ground . ___ Kun Hyung irritatingly looked around the room . " It 's not in the dining room either , " said a lackey as he walked into the room . " Where is it ? " Kun Hyung shouted angrily . " Perhaps it 'd be best if you didn 't wear it today , " said Kiseop . Kun Hyung glared at him , " why ? Do you know where it is ? " Although he stood firmly in place , his heart raced at what it was that Kun Hyung might do next . Kiseop and a few others proceeded to explain to him that there was a rumour that David 's gang , their rival , had set up a bounty on him , as a way of initiation into the gang . There were no pictures of his face handed out but they had caught fliers of his iconic jacket being handed out by the high schools . Kun Hyung scoffed at them and yelled angrily , asking if they thought that he would really be undone by some dumb school children . He asked them again , in a dangerously quiet voice where it was that they had put that jacket . " I gave it to Jimin , " Kiseop said . " What ? " Kun Hyung replied , still equally as quiet . Kiseop repeated himself , trying to explain how Jimin was a potential threat to his position , that he could be undercover , or be with the enemy . He started about how they were getting too close , and how he was showing unfair favoritism towards Jimin as compared to the men who had been with him for years . A loud clap echoed in the room as Kun Hyung slapped him hard across the face . Caught off guard , but slightly expecting it , he assumed his still position , lowering his gaze to the ground . " Unfair favoritism . Is that what this is ? I have favoured you for so long that you are now jealous at the idea of someone being treated better than you ? When did I favor him ? When did - no ! I thought you were better than this , " Kun Hyung waved him towards the door , " Get out ! " ____ Namjoon screamed at the sight . Jimin cried and grunted as he covered his bleeding abdomen . " Hyung , it really hurts , please help me , " Jimin kept saying . Namjoon looked around at the emptying streets that had been so busy earlier . A small crowd watched them from a distance not wanting to be a part of it . He screamed at them for help , crying hysterically . " Apply pressure on his wound ! " shouted a female voice . He turned his head towards the voice , seeing as a young female struggled to pass the crowd barricading them in . She pulled out her phone with a little Mario accessory hanging off of it . Namjoon looked down at Jimin , who was still crying on the ground , bleeding profusely . He placed his hand over the wound to apply pressure but as soon as he did , Jimin groaned louder . " Are you sure about this ? " he screamed , having a mental break down . His hands shaked , unable to try and apply more pressure . She assured him , stating she was a registered nurse . She kept asking him what had happened . But he didn 't know - because he wasn 't watching . He wasn 't beside him . He should have been there , but he wasn 't so he didn 't know . " It hurts a lot , hyung . Am I going to die ? It really hurts , " Jimin kept repeating . Namjoon tried his best to stay calm , telling him that everything would be okay . Everything was going to be alright , so not to worry . As he kept repeating himself , it became evident that he was truly trying to convince himself . Jimin stared straight up into the whitening sky above him . A face appeared , with hair as white as fresh snow . He cocked his head , looking down at Jimin . " You 're being unnecessarily stubborn , " he said . He offered his hand and Jimin suddenly felt a pull . " I don 't want to go yet , " Jimin said out loud . Namjoon repeated himself , telling Jimin that he would be okay , that the ambulance was on it 's way over . The boy with white hair stood hunched over him waiting , and he knew . " Looks like I can 't fulfill our promise . I really wanted to go to the beach with you guys … Jimin took the man 's hand and followed him down the street . He urned his head to look back and saw the crowd that surrounded the area , wondering what had happened . " oongi - hyung , " Jimin said , " where are we going ? " " ome , " Yoongi stated and tugged at his hand as they continued down the road , unnoticed . Cat gories Uncategorized • Tags bts , children of the sun , jimin , rap monster , the jacket Update : 240216 dem Just a regular update ! I 've been working on the other chapters for the Children of the Sun series but I 'm not sure how to fit it together . I 'm trying not to venture too far so that I 'm unable to think of new stories for the characters , but yeah ; I guess I 'll find a way eventually ! Hopefully things have been going well with you guys as well , Maybe you 'll be seeing another update soon , hopefully ? And I 'm working on getting some cover art available for the stories so that the display that 's running on top isn 't so incredibly blank to stare at . Wish me luck ! Everyone , hwaiting ! Published on February 13 , 2016February 22 , 2016 by isadinosawrLeave a comment It is said that on a mountain range by the edge of town there is a tree on top that is split in half . Legend had it that if a person were to be able to reach the tree and sit in it when the sun 's ray first hit the tree , they could make any wish and it would come true . It was not a great mountain range , but many people had tried and many failed . Rumour had it that for the few that did find it , their wishes did indeed come true . Because of that reason Siyeon had set out to find it after reading about it online . As she was climbing up the mountain she veered off the path unknowingly and ended up lost . In her confusion she fell in a crater and lost consciousness . When she awoke , she found herself under a large tree that branched out in all directions . Watching her from a distance was a handsome young man sitting in a squat . He told her not to fear and she didn 't despite being in such a strange situation . As she tried to straighten herself up into a sitting position , she found that her leg had broken when she fell into the crater . The young man offered to help her , to which she agreed , and he wiped his hand over her broken leg a few times before stepping back . He reassured her that it was now okay , and to her surprise , when she tried to move again , she was okay . He offered to walk her down the mountain , to which she agreed , and they talked . She found that he did not have a name and did not know where he came from , simply that he existed . As they walked , they came upon a post with offerings for him . The sign was posted by the village below that believed him to be a deity . They called him a bestowed sign from the heavens ; and so she called him Hoseok - the bestowed sign . " So , why are you climbing up the mountain ? " Hoseok asked . Siyeon nervously chuckled , " My parents left me with a huge debt . I heard that if you found a specific tree on the mountain then it could make a wish come true . " As they reached the bottom of the mountain , Siyeon asked Hoseok if he would like to come with her to the city . He agreed and followed her from the mountains into the city . After a short tour of the city they ended at Siyeon 's small apartment . There , Hoseok found that Siyeon lived with her little sister Doyeon , who was about 13 to 14 years old . Despite his sweet appearance , Doyeon greeted him with great disdain . It was here that Hoseok had his first meeting with the Hyungwon Gang that Siyeon 's parents owed money to . They walked around the house , obviously searching for nothing , desiring simply to create a mess . He watched as one of them manhandled Siyeon , whispering something to her . " I 'll do it ! " she suddenly shouted . Hoseok watched as the man smiled and let her go . She scrabbled into her room and left , leaving only Hoseok and Doyeon to the house . And just like that , she left every day at about the same time , leaving Hoseok alone with Doyeon . For each day that past Doyeon 's hatred of her situation and of Hoseok grew . One day she stormed out of the house , Hoseok following behind her . She lead him to the other side of town where she had followed Siyeon before . The building had glittering lights overhead , men standing outside welcoming men in suits as they walked in and women in skimpy clothing trying to invite more men inside . The men standing by the door wouldn 't let Doyeon inside when she approached so she forced Hoseok through it . Hoseok walked around the building aimlessly before spotting Siyeon sitting at a table with an older man . She smiled at something the man said and giggled when he started laughing . As Hoseok was about to approach her , a girl came in between and whispered something to Siyeon , so up she went . He watched as she walked away from him without seeming to notice him . Hoseok made his way out of the building , greeted by a hostile Doyeon . Hoseok confirmed to Doyeon that Siyeon was indeed serving men . Doyeon then went to explain how it was his fault that she was doing all this . Hoseok tried to ignore her , knowing fully well that she didn 't like him . Doyeon kept telling him that he had to fix it , that she knew a way to fix it . Hoseok held her off so that he could ask Siyeon tomorrow about it . When the next day came , he tried to ask her but noticed that she felt uncomfortable being asked about it . He could feel it emitting off of her . Siyeon lied to him that she was doing other things , vaguely trying to pass it off as something she did regularly . Hoseok pretended to be satisfied with her answer and saw as her uneasy aura seem to dissipate . " Do you remember your wish at the mountain ? I think I can help make that come true , " Hoseok said . Siyeon shook her head and sWhen asked , Doyeon told Siyeon that Hoseok had made some new friends while she was gone . As each day past , she found it more and more strange that he wasn 't home ever . Eventually , she was no longer required to go to the escort bar . In fact , they 'd wave her off . Hoseok 's words kept echoing in her head as she drilled Doyeon about his whereabouts . One day , the same man from the first day came over with a suitcase . He cackled at them and handed the suitcase over while thanking them and then leaving . Doyeon took the suitcase from Siyeon and opened it in the living room to reveal a whopping $ 200 , 000 . She quickly closed it as Doyeon walked in . " What is that money for ? " Siyeon asked . Doyeon ignored her and suggested that they move out of town . Siyeon persisted with her questioning until Doyeon finally admitted that she had traded Hoseok for their freedom . Hoseok sat at the table in the parlour . As he silently waited for what was to happen next , the boy appeared at the door frame . He smiled at greeted Hoseok happily . His presence filled Hoseok will happiness and hope from his head to his toes . Today , he looked different . " Cool , right ? " he said , motioning to his now bright orange hair . Hoseok smiled and agreed with him . His eyes wandered , spying the familiar looking jacket he was holding to his chest . Before Hoseok could ask about it the boy was being pushed forward by one of the lackeys . The boy bent his back incredibly to wave at Hoseok as he left . Hoseok listened as his giggled disappeared down the hallway . The next day back in his room , Hoseok turned around anticipating the boy 's return when he heard the door crack open slowly . His heart stopped upon seeing Siyeon at the door . He turned away from her upon meeting her stunned eyes . She looked at his torn clothing and the chain on his ankle tying him to the bed . Siyeon saw through his sweater , the one she had bought for him on the first day in the city , a huge purple bruise over his right shoulder . She tried hard not to cry at this sight . " Let 's run aIt was a dark and grey day , though Hoseok wouldn 't know about it . When they took the bag off from over his head , there was a bright light shining into his face , making it hard to see unless he looked down . As his eyes adjusted he saw two men sitting in chairs in front of him , one leaning over to the other as if to whisper something into their ear . Before he could see more , he was yanked from the light and the bag was placed over his head again . There was a solid thunk against his head and he was knocked out cold . He wasn 't awake for too long when they were transporting him again . When the bag came off his head , he found himself in front of a fancy door and a dull ache in his chest . The men beside him opened the door and pushed him through . " You know what to do , " they whispered before closing the door . Hoseok looked around the extravagant hotel room . He heard a noise from the other room and proceeded in that direction . Inside the room was the man who was sitting in the chair earlier that day . The older man jumped up off the bed when he saw Hoseok enter the room , covering his bare legs with the thick hotel - provided bathrobe . He took Hoseok 's hand and slowly started feeling it up and down . Hoseok stopped himself from shivering and asked if he could use the bathroom in order to get ready . The man agreed and showed him where the bathroom was . He offered to get something for Hoseok from room service but Hoseok ignored him and continued into the bathroom . He turned on the faucet in the large sink . He searched the lower cabinets , the mirror cabinet and in the bathroom closet for anything that could help him escape . He didn 't want to do this anymore . All he found were towels , toilet paper , extra bathroom items and some bottles of prescription medicine belonging to the man . He picked one up remembering seeing them at the old apartment . Siyeon had once warned him against taking any of them , especially in large doses because bad things could happen that would result in needing to go to the hospital . After finishiHis eyes slowly fluttered open to the white sky and light foliage above him . He covered the light beaming in his eyes with his hand . " Hyung , " someone called out from afar . Why does that voice sounds so familiar ? he thought to himself . The voice chimed out again , getting closer , " Hyung ! " He slowly lifted himself up , leaning back on his hands . He squinted as his eyesight fixed itself . He was in the forest . He slowly started to recognize the brown bark of the trees that surrounded him and the gradient of green that enveloped it . Getting closer to where he laid was a boy wearing a bright blue jacket and orange hair stumbling over the nature underneath his feet . Hoseok waited where he sat for the boy to come closer to him . The boy giggled at Hoseok upon reaching him . He offered a hand out that Hoseok accepted . He smiled sweetly at Hoseok . Hoseok lightly smiled back . " Jimin … " Hoseok quietly whispered . " Hyung , we 've got to get going , " Jimin said . Hoseok stood up and nodded at him . Wiping the dirt off his butt , he started walking away with Jimin . As he walked away , he heard a gasp behind him . He turned to look at what could have possibly made that sound . At first he didn 't see anything . " Hoseok … " a faint voice called . He turned to look again and this time saw Siyeon sitting down on the ground with her hand over her mouth . He blankly looked at her . Siyeon watched as Jimin reached for Hoseok 's hand again and lead him away . As she watched him walk away from her with a blank look on his face , there was a bright light and he disappeared right before her . What was left behind was a strange abundance of butterflies , which quickly dispersed before her as well . As if waking up from a dream , he disappeared from her . Just … gone . Categories Uncategorized • Tags bts , children of the sun , jhope , jhope x oc Posts navigation |
I was expecting it to be as cold as yesterday morning , so I put on a long - sleeved technical shirt , a short - sleeved cotton shirt over that and my tights . I even wore a sweatshirt for the drive to the track . Of course , it randomly warmed up AGAIN , and I was too lazy to go inside and change my clothes AGAIN , so yeah , I sweated my ass off today . The workout itself went really well . I was supposed to run these repeats at 10K pace . I decided to try to run them faster , and aimed for splits of 3 : 45 each ( 7 : 30 / mile pace , compared to the 7 : 43 / mile average pace I ran in my 10K PR last week . ) After concentrating so hard on endurance for the marathon for the four previous months , it was nice to work on speed for shorter distances in November , and it paid off . I set a new 10K PR and ran my best 5K time all year . I also ran a 7 - mile trail race at a decent pace . Filed under : Uncategorized - aschmid3 @ 4 : 45 pm This morning was weight training and a shortened easy run . I was supposed to run three miles , but I took Pepper with me and cut it short at two because he was just being a complete tool on the leash this morning . He kept trying to dart in front of me and come to a complete immediate stop to sniff some random spot . It was pretty frustrating . I ran him on the leash at the cross country trail again yesterday and he didn 't do so bad . I guess there 's just a lot more interesting things to see on the road . I 'll keep working with him . Saturday was the first annual Huff , Puff and Race for Pumpkin Pie Thanksgiving 5K Run in Rehoboth . Last year , the same race was the 16th annual Run for the Rose . I don 't know why the name changed , but whatever . TK and her mom picked me up at my house around 7 : 30 a . m . for the 9 a . m . start . We got there around 8 : 30 and it was COLD . Had I really comfortably run a 10K the morning before in shorts and a T - shirt ? I was freezing in my tights , long - sleeved tech shirt and short - sleeved tech shirt . I ran two warm - up miles and didn 't come close to breaking a sweat . I made it back to the start line with time to spare . It was a pretty big crowd for a local 5K - turns out 331 finished the 5K , and about another 30 did the one - mile walk . Last year , I had taken it kinda easy in this race because I 'd run the 10K the day before , but this year , I decided to just run it all - out and see what happened . We got the start command and I took off . Some people streamed by me , but I also overtook several in the first mile . I hit the marker at 7 : 09 . I was feeling strong and pulled past a couple of more women . Then we rounded a bend and suddenly we were running head - on into a stiff wind . Crap ! That took some out of me before we made it back into a neighborhood and out of the wind , and I hit mile 2 at 14 : 36 ( 7 : 27 mile , damn . ) A short way into the third mile , I was passed by a woman , but she was wearing a Ngata jersey ( Ravens player ) so I let her go . Ha . I then passed a 13 - year - old boy who sounded like he had gone out way too fast and was just trying to hang on until the end . He was wheezing and gasping and lurching forward with each step so badly I almost asked if he was OK . But seeing me pass him seemed to motivate him , and he sprinted past me about a half mile before the finish . Then he realized how much farther we had to go and he went back to lurching and gasping and wheezing . However , he managed to hold me off and finished three seconds ahead of me . I gave him a pat on the back and told him " good race " as he collapsed over a fence to catch his breath . I hit the third mile marker at 21 : 59 - a 7 : 23 third mile - and the finish line at 22 : 41 . My best time of the year and 20 seconds off my PR . I was 54th overall out of 331 , 13th out of 170 women and first out of 32 women in the 20 - 29 age group . I was happy with the effort , especially considering I had run a PR in the 10K the day before . I was even happier when I found out I placed first in my age group ( actually , second , but the first place runner was the first female overall so we all moved up a spot ) and the age group winners got pumpkin pies in addition to the little plastic " medals . " Best age group award ever ! It was a small pie , but Clark doesn 't like it , so I get it all to myself . There 's still about a third of it left today . After that was taken care of , we went to the outlets for some shopping , where I bought … nothing . Not one thing . I didn 't see any gifts I liked for anyone on my list , and I stuck to my resolution to not buy a single thing for myself while Christmas shopping this year . I think I 'm going to do pretty much all of my shopping online from here to Christmas anyway , so that should help ease the temptation . Filed under : Uncategorized - aschmid3 @ 7 : 17 pm This morning , I ran the Run for Hospice 10K in Easton . While the weather had cooled significantly over the last two days since my topless run Tuesday morning , it warmed up again enough by this morning that I was totally comfortable in shorts and a short - sleeved tech shirt . However , there was a lot of rain in the area , so I took a hat in case it was raining when the race was to start . It turned out we dodged the rain showers and the entire race was rain - free . The sky was also overcast , so there was no glaring sun . There was a little breeze , but no stiff headwinds to run into . In other words , it was spectacular running weather . The race didn 't start until 10 a . m . I picked up a small black coffee on the way to the race site . TK got there before me and picked up my race packet . I met her at her car and pinned on my bib and attached my timing chip , then went to hit the bathrooms before the race started . I wasn 't sure what to expect from the race . All speed workouts since the marathon indicated I should be able to set a PR , but there was the Thanksgiving dinner factor , the one that did me in last year . I didn 't exactly restrain myself yesterday . I really ate quite a bit at the first dinner , at Clark 's parents ' house , including two desserts ( out of three available ! ) I was still pretty full when we got to my grandmother 's house for dinner No . 2 , but I managed to put away a normal - sized plate of food and , of course , a slice of cheesecake . I held off on the alcohol though , only drinking one glass of red wine at the first dinner and a Michelob Ultra at the second , so dehydration was definitely not a concern . I didn 't warm up at all for the race . This year , the race organizers had a moment of clarity and decided to start the 10K before the 5K , since our course has a little loop to the right of the parking lot , while the 5K runners / walkers immediately turn left out of the parking lot . Last year , that meant all the 10K runners caught up with the back - of - the - pack 5K ' ers on a very narrow part of the course , making it difficult . This year , the 5K ' ers were still standing in the parking lot , waiting to start , when all the 10K ' ers ran by . Much better . I could really feel the caffeine in that coffee in that first mile . I felt jittery almost . It probably didn 't help that I had not warmed up at all , so I went from zero to race pace immediately . We passed the fourth mile marker and the water station , and I remembered how last year , I 'd had to stop and walk there for about 30 seconds to gather my stomach . This year , I had no stomach pains and I ran right past it at full speed . Just a couple more miles . However , I had just run an 8 : 00 mile . Time to pick it the hell up again . And I did ! I actually got over the mental hump and ran faster at the end of the race . Something just clicked and I was skimming along the shoulder of the road , keeping my rabbit in sight . I felt strong and happy to be running . It was awesome . I ran up on the end of the 5K walkers , coming out of the Easton Club , where the 5K and 10K courses rejoined for the last bit of the race . I managed to hit the intersection just right and didn 't have to wait for the police officer directing traffic to let us through . Once through the intersection , I was back on the sidewalk and then the narrow lane to the parking lot to get to the finish , and I had to dodge packs of walkers . I was losing steam . But , I held on and crossed the line in 47 : 53 ( officially - my chip actually registered a time this year ! ) , beating my previous 10K best time by more than a minute ! My average pace was 7 : 43 / mile , only a few seconds off my first mile , and probably due a lot to the slow fourth mile . I figured out that if I had let myself stay at the 8 : 00 / mile pace for the last 3 . 2 miles of the race , I would have finished in 48 : 31 , so I was proud of myself for pushing through and picking up the pace again in the last miles . I showered at TK 's house and now I 'm at work for the rest of the afternoon by myself . Nothing is going on here today . The other reporter worked the first half of the day and I 'm here for the second half in case anything catches fire or blows up and I need to take a picture of it , pretty much . The only work I 've done is give some old guy a copy of this week 's paper since his wasn 't delivered . Filed under : Uncategorized - aschmid3 @ 7 : 17 pm This morning was weight training and a 3 - mile easy run . Pepper seems to be getting more accustomed to my exercise routines . He waited patiently upstairs while I lifted , keeping a safe distance from the weights ( didn 't want a repeat of Monday morning 's 5 - lb . plate to the face , I guess . ) Then he even went with me on my run . Clark took him on a run last night and said he did well . He did do a lot better this morning than Saturday morning , but he insists on running in the road . So I ran without my iPod , so I could hear any approaching vehicles and move him completely off the road until they passed . It was a decent run , except for when we passed the farm with at least seven hunting dogs in a large outdoor pen . I had to pretty much drag Pepper past that place . Today was a happy one for Pepper ; he didn 't have to stay home alone . He was so happy not to be alone , in fact , he was very well - behaved at the vet 's office . They said he looks healthy overall , but he appears to have some kind of allergic reaction near his back legs , and Pepper wouldn 't let the vet take a really good look in his ears , so the vet wants me to bring Pepper in again sometime so he can sedate him and do that . Pepper got updated on all of his vaccinations . Also , we seem to have possibly solved our problem with how we 'll keep Pepper by himself . Clark put him in the utility room when he went home for lunch yesterday and took the handle off the door so Pepper couldn 't get out . When Clark came back home , not only was Pepper still contained in the utility room , he hadn 't peed once in the entire four hours he was in there . I guess the room is small enough , and has a laminate floor , that Pepper realizes he can 't get away from it if he pees , so he held it like a good dog . Tomorrow , we 're taking Pepper on a nice long walk on the cross country trail and then eating Thanksgiving dinner twice , first at Clark 's parents ' house and then later at Grandmom 's house . I see a repeat of last year 's miserable 10K in my future . How I am supposed to hold myself to a reasonable amount of food at TWO dinners ? I was aiming to run each mile in 7 : 30 . While it was warm ( warm enough even that I took off my shirt halfway through the workout and was running in shorts and a sports bra ) it was pretty windy , and it was head - on coming down the front stretch of the track . I hate running into wind . It makes it feel that much harder . Anyway , my four splits were 7 : 37 , 7 : 27 , 7 : 38 and 7 : 30 . Annoyingly inconsistent and , in half the cases , slow . Oh well . But overall it was a decent workout . Last night , I got home to find he has figured out how to open the interior doors in the house , which have handles he can bump with his nose , instead of knobs . He got out of the bedroom and , judging by the millions of paw prints in the carpet I had vacummed the day before , ran about 10 miles throughout the house yesterday . He had opened every single door in the house . While he had clearly nosed through all of our shoes near the back door and searched any piece of clothing he could reach , he hadn 't chewed anything . I guess he thinks we 're hiding from him in the house and he spends the day searching for us . If the worst he did yesterday was drag one of my running shoes into the hallway , I wouldn 't care . But he peed six times on the dining room carpet . So this morning , we brought the crate in the house and set it up on the laminate floor in the foyer . Clark and I left the house and could hear Pepper barking and whining . We hadn 't been outside two minutes when we heard scratching at the back door and saw Pepper 's big head peering through the window . The little escape artist had gotten out . Turned out he had shaken the crate so hard the doors popped open . So we put locks near the top of both doors to hold them shut , and a little duct tape near the bottom . Clark went to work and I went to the track . When I got home , 90 minutes later , Pepper again met me at the door . This time , the locks at the top of the doors held , but the duct tape let go and he managed to squeeze himself through the tiny wedge of an opening created at the bottom of the door . He had also removed his own collar and peed on the dining room carpet three more times . Ideally though , I would like Pepper to be able to stay inside the house when we 're gone . I don 't care if he whines and barks and runs circles like a mad dog . I just want him to learn to hold his pee until one of us gets home to let him out . Oh well . Tomorrow should be a better day for Pepper . I got him an appointment with the vet in the morning , and after that , I 'll just bring him to work with me , so he won 't have to be alone . Friday was the big day - we got to bring Pepper home ! We picked him up after we got off work . His owners told him to " load up " in Clark 's truck , and he hopped right in . Then he got really confused when Clark and I got in the truck and drove off with him while his owners waved goodbye . He whimpered and whined the whole way to Denton . In Denton , I stayed in Clark 's truck ( I was driving ) and Clark got in my car at my office to drive it home . Pepper started whimpering again , looking for Clark this time . Eventually he started to calm down . Then he started climbing in my lap while I was driving and positioning his big head right in front of mine . It was hard to see for a large portion of the drive home , haha . Even though Pepper is twice Snoopy 's size , he was a little terrified of Snoopy at first . He had lived with another big dog at his previous home , so he 'd likely never seen a little dog darting and zipping around like Snoopy . He kinda froze . I don 't know if it was due to how nervous Snoopy was making him , or if his digestive system was reacting poorly to the new food , or if it was a combination of both , but he dropped the biggest steaming pile of dog diarhhea I have ever seen , right there in our dining room floor . It was so big , Clark went outside to get a shovel . Yes , a shovel . While he was doing that , Pepper had a second diarhhea attack in the hallway . The smell at this point was horrendous . Chad started gagging . I thought we were going to have puke on top of the dog poop . It was a bad start , but Pepper seemed to feel a lot better after he got that out of his system , and eventually he started playing with Snoopy . Those two were funny together . Snoopy is short and fat ( compared to Pepper , who looks like a little deer ) but he is fast . Pepper couldn 't quite keep up , but he could just throw out one of his long front legs and catch Snoopy right in the face . His owners had warned us he liked to sleep in bed with them . We turned out the lights and got in bed . We could hear Pepper running back and forth around the bed , whimpering . Finally , he stopped on my side and hauled himself up on the bed . He 's not the kind of dog who likes to just sleep at the foot of the bed . Nope , he likes to cuddle . He scooted up right next to me , laid his head on my chest and was snoring in no time . I have never met a dog who cuddles . He stayed like that all night . Clark and I stayed home all weekend with Pepper . It turns out he listens very well , and he likes to stay close to us anyway , so we can let him run loose in the yard , which is nice . He likes chasing sticks and he likes it even more when we chase him to try to take back the stick . Saturday morning , I tried him on the leash . He didn 't like it . First , he was clearly confused about why I was walking him away from the house , because he kept looking back at it and whimpering . Then he wouldn 't walk in a straight line and he kept weaving in and out of the road . I think we covered less than a mile total before we got back to the yard . I left for my long run at that point , and did about 11 miles . The rest of the day , I hung out with Pepper . That night , he slept between Clark and me , like a little kid who had a bad dream . Sunday I pretty much spent all day with Pepper . He followed me around while I cleaned the house . We went outside every now and then so he could pee and see Clark , who was working on the garage . We watched the NASCAR race ( I don 't want to talk about it ) and the Ravens game ( at least they won . ) Chad and Snoopy came over again last night , and this time Pepper just played with Snoopy ; he didn 't poop on the floor first . Again , last night , Pepper slept between Clark and me . This morning was rough on Pepper . First Clark left . He started crying , looking for Clark . Then he went upstairs with me while I did my weight training , and I managed to hit him in the face with a 5 - lb . weight . Then I left him for a half hour to do my easy run . I could hear him howling and crying as soon as I shut the back door . When I came back in , you would have thought I 'd been gone for weeks , that dog was so excited . So of course I felt like the worst person in the world when I shut him in the bedroom to leave for work . He immediately started whimpering his head off . Poor thing . Clark 's going to stop by and see him at lunch today . I 'm really happy we got Pepper . He 's a wonderful dog . I just hope he adjusts to being on the leash and being home alone during the day quickly . I wasn 't sure I should do it , and I almost didn 't . Late yesterday afternoon , I was sitting at work when all of a sudden I started getting these very sharp stomach pains . It felt like gas , but I had no idea what I had eaten that would have given me gas like that . Plus , it had been a few hours since I 'd eaten lunch , so if that was the culprit , I think it would have started earlier . Anyway , usually I can lie on my stomach for a little and the gas will work itself out and I 'll feel all better . So I went out to my car and lied face - down on the reclined driver 's seat ( thank God my windows are tinted ; lots of people walk through that parking lot for some reason and I would have felt pretty dumb if someone had seen that . ) This time , lying like that made it much worse . Every time I did anything that required my ab muscles at all , even raising my legs just a little to reposition myself in my seat , it felt like someone was stabbing me from the inside . It hurt so freaking bad . I made it through the rest of work , and I got my boss to let me skip the town meeting I was supposed to cover last night so I could go straight home . It was a very uncomfortable drive . I was sitting straight up , trying not to put any pressure at all on my stomach , and moving my legs to work the clutch or the gas or brake pedals was painful . When I got home , I immediately climbed in bed , again thinking it would go away eventually and then I could get up . Actually , it got worse . No position alleviated the pain . There were a few times I actually thought I was going to puke , for the first time since March 2008 . I really didn 't want to break that streak . I finally got up the nerve to get out of bed and take a couple of ibuprofen , and I must have dozed off eventually , because Clark got home and was surprised to find me in bed . I never got out of bed the rest of the night . I just felt like total shit . However , this morning , when I woke up , I felt much better . There was still some lingering tightness in my stomach , but I was able to eat breakfast . I put on my running clothes , found the Christmas music on my iPod and promised myself I would turn around and cut short the run if my stomach started hurting again , but it didn 't . I didn 't feel very strong overall though , probably due to the fact I skipped out on two snacks and dinner yesterday . But I took it easy enough that I made it the whole way without any problems . I was a little anxious about this week 's 55 - minute tempo run because last week 's run went so poorly , and this would be the longest tempo run I 've done to date . And as I was walking out the door , my damn iPod battery died . I don 't have deep thoughts when I run . I get cheesy songs stuck in my head . That 's why I need my iPod . Anyway , I finally hauled myself outside to run it . It was chillier this morning than yesterday morning . The 10 - minute warmup went OK . Then I started running my tempo pace . I was supposed to do 40 minutes at that pace . Not having my iPod blaring in my ears actually turned out to be a good thing . I could hear my breathing and my footstrikes , which helped me maintain my form . How come I never remember that from races , when I never wear an iPod ? I don 't know . I also heard for the first time the weirdest dog bark / howl coming from the backyard of a house just past the ferry . There was this episode of " Home Improvement " where , on " Tool Time , " they had a band that played music on construction equipment , and one of the musicians " played " a saw , which made this high - pitched warbling sound when she dragged a bow across it . That 's exactly what that dog howl sounded like . And it just kept getting higher and higher . It was really odd . Filed under : Uncategorized - aschmid3 @ 6 : 20 pm This morning , I did 4 . 5 easy miles and some weight training . It 's windy but warm today and I definitely overdressed , thinking it would be colder than it is and then not feeling like going inside and changing . I was drenched in sweat by the end of that run . Clark already commented my tights were starting to get ripe before the run , so I don 't think that helped . Yesterday , something pretty exciting happened . Clark and I have been trying to adopt a weimaraner from a rescue foundation in Washington , D . C . , for weeks , without much luck . We finally got them to e - mail us an application , which we filled out and e - mailed back immediately the next day , but we haven 't really heard anything since . I responded to that posting Monday afternoon and had a response when I got to work yesterday morning . Yesterday afternoon , I got to go meet him . His owners are running out of money quick and are trying to find homes for their animals - two dogs and three horses - because they 're moving to Florida . Wherever they 're moving is much cheaper than here , but apparently they 're renting , and they can 't have pets . At least no pets heavier than 30 lbs . And that 's how I found Pepper . When I pulled up to his owners ' house yesterday , he came bounding out . He is adorable . He 's a little on the small side for a weimaraner , and whoever cut his tail cut it pretty short , but he has the short - haired silver - gray coat , big floppy ears , light green eyes , lean build and long legs clearly meant for running . He was buzzing all over the place yesterday . When he first saw me in the yard , he looked a little unsure . He ran over and woofed at me , then ran away , then ran at me and woofed again , then stopped and kinda scooted toward me . I let him sniff my hand and he let me pet him , and he took to me pretty quickly . Within a couple of minutes he was leaning on me and begging me to throw his stick for him . I loved him ! I feel terrible for the owners ; it 's obviously tearing them up that they have to get rid of their pets . But the woman kept saying while she was sad to see him go , she was glad he is going to a good home . We 're picking him up and bringing him home Friday . I can 't wait . Last night , we stocked up on dog food samples , chew toys , a collar and a retractable leash . I 'm planning on taking him out for a short bit of my long run Saturday , to see how he likes the leash . His owners said he has no leash training , so I 'm expecting it to be a little rough . After a mile of warmup jogging , I did the first repeat in 3 : 40 . Splits two through five were 3 : 42 , 3 : 40 , 3 : 40 and 3 : 38 . I did another mile to cooldown , bringing today to 5 . 5 miles total . In the middle of I think the third repeat , a walker showed up . Guess which lane she picked ? Exactly . The only one of the six on the track being used , by the only other person on the track , who was there first . So I had to dodge a walker after all . But I guess she was using the lane numbers to keep track of her laps , because she moved over into the second lane after she walked around the track once . She didn 't get in my way anymore . |
My family and I recently moved into a new house , and as I did most of the moving things around , I ended up putting some boxes in this small three by three little storage area that could be accessed inside the back of the upstairs closet , which was in the bathroom . It stretched about twenty feet along the side of the house , and had wood flooring and a single bare light bulb on the wall near the entrance . When I first entered this little cubby , I couldn 't help but notice the dead ants . There were at least one hundred of them , just laying all about the floor , more condensed against the farthest wall . I instantly felt cold , and had a sense that someone was near me . " Hello . . I just moved in . Nice to meet you . " I don 't know why I said it , I just felt like it . I didn 't get a response , of course , and went about my business . After a few weeks , I couldn 't help but notice that same presence every time I went into that bathroom , which was pretty often . One day , I decided that I should do something with it . This was also the day I found my plastic owl . I 'd been on / x / a lot lately , and reading about different things like summoning spirits , manipulating energy , and other weird stuff . I decided to blend some concepts , and in an attempt to astral travel , I met the presence from my bathroom . I asked him if he could at times possess my owl and face towards malicious spirits that entered my bedroom , and in return I would do whatever I could to help him out . He instantly pushed me into my body , which startled me a lot , and I awoke to find my owl staring directly at me from my dresser across the room . " GET OUT OF HERE , I ' M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ! " I practiaclly yelled this into the open air , and right before my eyes the owl turned to the window , and then back to its normal position facing straight back to the wall across from it . I assumed this was the position it would take when no bad spirits were present , and made note of that . It worked . I couldn 't believe it at first , but it actually worked . " Thank you , I won 't let you down . You have my word . " I don 't know if the spirit ever heard . I decided to name him Nighteye , since I had been playing Oblivion a lot lately , and owls can obviously see well at night . I liked it . Over the next few weeks , Nighteye always looked a certain way , and then I told whatever was there to leave . I don 't know why that worked , I just supposed bad spirits didn 't like being found out . And if I 'm not afraid of them , what do they have to gain ? I always knew when Nighteye found one of the bad spirits , which I called wisps ( more Oblivion , as it seemed appropriate ) , because he turned quickly , making an eerie creaking noise from the plastic scraping the wooden dresser top . The noise bothered me at first , but after a while it didn 't any more , and it even became almost comforting . Almost . I don 't know if I 'm crazy . I 've thought about it , but never come to a conclusion . I saw these things happen , so I believed they were real . Sometimes I questioned it , it didn 't make any sense . But I decided in the end it didn 't matter . After a while , I began speaking to Nighteye . He never responded , of course , but I believed he heard me . I would just talk about my day at work , how the weather was weird , about a cute girl I saw earlier , just anything . I spoke to him like I would a friend . I considered him a friend . We helped each other out , didn 't we ? Sometimes I would go astral , and I 'd see him . But for some reason every time I did , he 'd push my back into my body right away . I would ask why , but the only thing I ever got for an answer was a whispered " not yet . . " that I would only realize I heard upon waking up . I didn 't know what he meant by that , but he was helping me , right ? After a while , not a lot of wisps showed up anymore . After all , I lived in a relatively small mountain town , and how many wisps could be wandering around this small place ? I was happy . I don 't know if the wisps ever did anything to me before I did all this , but I was generally happier , it seemed . I always made sure to tell Nighteye how much I appreciated what he was doing for me , and that I promised I would make it up to him . After I while I began to think , how could I do something to help a spirit from my closet ? I couldn 't think of an answer , and it began to worry me . I thought about it more and more , becoming less focused at work and whenever I played games or did anything . I would be happy and fine , and then I would remember . It was like the thought appeared in my mind on its own . Was Nighteye doing this ? Did he want to make sure I didn 't forget ? For a whole week , no wisps showed up at all . Each day that one didn 't appear , I began to worry more and more . I wasn 't really afraid of anything , but with every day , the terror that had begun to grow in the pit of my stomach began to grow . On the night of the seventh day that no wisps came to my room , I didn 't go to sleep for a long time . I didn 't even remember work , and as soon as I got home I just laid in bed for hours . It must have been around 3 in the morning when I finally fell asleep . I remember I was dreaming , I don 't know what about , but it was very pleasant . I remember feeling content and happy , more so than I had ever been . Suddenly I was ripped from my body , thrown into being astral . This wasn 't right , as I looked down at my body . Any time I had gone astral , I did it willingly , and knew ahead of time it was happening . I didn 't do this . I turned from my happily sleeping body , and faced directly at Nighteye . He wasn 't in the owl anymore . " What are you doing ? " I managed to think to him . " You promised to help me " was all he said , and he kept repeating it , over and over . Each time he said it , he moved closer to me . He seemed angry at first , but with each repeated statement , he began to sound sad . Why was he sad ? I felt a tugging at the back of my head , and remembered the tether . I made a chain of sorts , and attached it from my real body 's head to my spirit 's . I didn 't know if it actually did anything , but it made me feel secure . Whenever it tugged at me , I knew . I wanted to go back to my body , and my body wanted me back . I turned to face Nighteye again , and he was very close now , and sounded very sad . I didn 't know what to do , and I couldn 't move . " You promised you would help me . . " The thought echoed through my being . He was right in front of me now , and I was more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life . Suddenly Nighteye hugged me , and as I looked over his shoulder , my eyes fixed onto the eyes of my plastic owl . They were staring directly at me . I felt a strange releasing sensation , and I knew right away what had happened . Nighteye had severed my chain . I spun around as fast as I could , but there was nothing I could do . Nighteye pushed me hard , and as I flew backwards through the walls of my room , my bathroom , and into the closet , I saw him lower into my body . I 'm not sure what happened to me then , I know I lost it though . My mind had been broken from despair and confusion . How can I lose my body ? What will happen to me now ? These thoughts enveloped me , as I sunk into the far end of the cubby in the back of the closet . I was in a deep depression and all I could do was sit there and cry , and think . Think . Think . I never slept , only my body could . I missed sleeping . Time began to not matter to me . At some point , the light turned on . It was blinding at first , but I adjusted eventually . When I could see again , I saw the boxes of things I had put in the cubby . But they looked different than I remembered , they seemed unfamiliar . I must have forgotten things from the material world , since they had no reason to matter to me anymore . I heard some shuffling and sliding . My body was going through some things , perhaps ? My sadness began to fade instantly at the memories forced into my mind , and it turned instead into a boiling rage . What right did he have to do things with my body ? I stood up suddenly , spreading my presence in the cubby , filling it with my cold rage . My body looked up and glanced around , and appeared to shiver . It seemed sincerely afraid . He should be ! I will make him pay , I thought to myself . I continued to look at him and imagine the things I would do if I had real hands . My body looked strange , unfamiliar . The boxes were one thing , but had I forgotten even my own body ? It was no longer mine , I supposed . I can 't do anything now , I thought . I filled again with sorrow , and sat . My body left , apparently done with whatever it was doing . I had to do something , but what could I do like this ? I began to form a plan . A very dark plan . I began to act out my dark plan immediately . I would have my revenge . Since time was no longer relevant to me , I had developed an incredible patience . Over the next few weeks , I began to show him as best as I could that I was there . I wanted him to realize I was still around . He must have realized he would have to deal with me sooner or later , for after a few more weeks he went astral himself and summoned me . He spoke to me as if we had never met , and asked if I could do a favor for him . Did he not remember ? Had he seriously forgotten what he had done to me ? He asked me to stay in my very own owl , how ironic ! I was amused at this point with his faulty memory . I would play his silly game , I thought to myself . Over the next few weeks , I acted as his ' ghostcrow ' , pointing to bad spirits that came into the room . He would yell things at them , and they didn 't understand . I told them to go scare someone else , that I had much darker intentions for this one . They shrugged and left . And he thought he made them leave ! Pompous fool . I would have my revenge , when the time was right . Sometimes he would go astral himself , a ballsy move in my opinion . But I couldn 't win that easily . I needed more time , I wanted him to suffer . I would push him back into my body , and tell him " Not yet , not yet . . . " each time . He seemed confused . How could he not remember ? I didn 't understand how he could forget the awful thing he had done to me . Over time , he began to talk to me . He must be crazy , I thought . He must be taunting me . But he couldn 't be , if he had forgotten . . Something seemed strange . I didn 't understand what was going on , but I didn 't care anymore . I was so full of anger and rage that nothing could phase me now . Over time , less bad spirits came , since they all knew me by now , and knew it was futile to try anything . That only made things easier for me . After all , my plan was perfect . When I agreed to help him out , I had made him promise to help me in return . He didn 't seem to mind . He must have truly forgotten , I began to think . That would make this so much sweeter when he did finally remember . Over the course of a week of no bad spirits showing up at all , he began to become terrified . I could see it in the way he acted , the way he seemed less interested in what he was doing . I kept pressing my thoughts onto him , trying to remind him of his promise . I didn 't want him to forget . No , this he would remember . Seven days after no bad spirits had shown up at all , I decided it was time . I could wait , but why ? He was scared out of his mind , and I wanted revenge . I entered his mind as he was sleeping , peacefully for once . I suddenly felt very peaceful and happy , like I hadn 't felt since I had my body . It was a familiar feeling . He was running through a field of flowers , holding hands with a cute girl . She looked familiar . They were young , this must have been a couple years ago . But he didn 't have my body then , why would he have this memory ? Why did she look so familiar ? My thoughts bothered me , and I decided action was the best course , I would not forget what I had come here to do . I backed away from my body and his mind , grabbing firmly ahold of his spirit as I exited . I had ripped him straight away from my body , and backed away a bit to watch his horror unfold at what I was about to do to him . I was so angry , remembering what he had done to me . This was my moment . He was confused and scared , and I relished in it . " You promised you would help me . " I said to him , and I repeated it . I wanted him to remember everything . I kept repeating the phrase and moving closer to him each time I said it . But I couldn 't stop thinking about that happy feeling in the dream , the cute girl that seemed familiar . Why was she so familiar ? I kept repeating myself , trying to keep my mind away from those thoughts I didn 't understand , but I didn 't feel very angry anymore . I felt sad , and I wasn 't sure why . I didn 't want my sadness to reflect in my speech , but I couldn 't help it . As I moved closer to him , I noticed he had placed a chain connecting his spirit to my body . Familiar . Why ? I remembered the girl . I knew her . I remembered the happy feeling . It was my feeling . The memories came rushing back to me all at once , and I knew instantly what was happening . This wasn 't Nighteye I had brought forth . It was me , and I was Nighteye . I was very sad , because I knew I had to continue . It was my body , and what would happen if I didn 't take it back ? I became completely anguished as I approached myself , knowing what I was about to make myself experience . I couldn 't tell him though , I couldn 't explain . I just kept repeating myself , letting him know just how sorry I was for what I was doing through inflection . I didn 't know how I could possibly console him , and now that I was immediately in front of him , I did the only thing I could think to do . I hugged him , and knew that he looked over my shoulder . And I knew what he saw . It was the eyes of the owl . I was the bad spirit they pointed at . I reached around his head , and severed the chain . He turned to face me , and I swear I have never seen such sorrow or fear . But I knew he would be ok in the end . I pushed him as hard as I could , wishing him the best , and sank slowly into my body , enveloped in sadness . Suddenly , I felt warm and happy , like I had before , and I awoke in a field full of flowers . " I 'm back here ? " I said aloud , and a girl appeared at my side . She offered me her hand , and said " Where were you ? We have to go home now . " " Oh . . ok . It 's so nice here though . . " I replied . " I know , but we have to go . We have to go . . . " She repeated that over and over as she pulled me away , and the field began to fade . I awoke suddenly in my bed , drenched in sweat , but feeling completely at peace . I felt like I had been asleep for a very long time . Oh well , I thought to myself , as I got up and began a new day . We were friends in college and continued to be after I graduated . Notice that I said " I " . He dropped out after two years of barely cutting it . After I moved out of the dorms and into a small apartment , I didn 't see Peter as much . We would talk online every now and then ( AIM was king in pre - Facebook years ) . There was a period where he wasn 't online for about five weeks straight . I wasn 't worried . He was a pretty notorious flake and drug addict , so I assumed he just stopped caring . Then one night I saw him log on . Before I could initiate a conversation , he sent me a message . That was when he told me about the NoEnd House . It got that name because no one had ever reached the final exit . The rules were pretty simple and cliche : reach the final room of the building and you win $ 500 . There were nine rooms in all . The house was located outside the city , roughly four miles from my house . Apparently Peter had tried and failed . He was a heroin and who - knows - what - the - fuck addict , so I figured the drugs got the best of him and he wigged out at a paper ghost or something . He told me it would be too much for anyone . That it was unnatural . I didn 't believe him . I told him I would check it out the next night and no matter how hard he tried to convince me otherwise , $ 500 sounded too good to be true . I had to go . I set out the following night . When I arrived , I immediately noticed something strange about the building . Have you ever seen or read something that shouldn 't be scary , but for some reason a chill crawls up your spine ? I walked toward the building and the feeling of uneasiness only intensified as I opened the front door . My heart slowed and I let a relieved sigh leave me as I entered . The room looked like a normal hotel lobby decorated for Halloween . A sign was posted in place of a worker . It read , " Room 1 this way . Eight more follow . Reach the end and you win ! " I chuckled and made my way to the first door . The first area was almost laughable . The decor resembled the Halloween aisle of a K - Mart , complete with sheet ghosts and animatronic zombies that gave a static growl when you passed by . At the far end was an exit ; it was the only door besides the one I entered through . I brushed through the fake spider webs and headed for the second room . I was greeted by fog as I opened the door to room two . The room definitely upped the ante in terms of technology . Not only was there a fog machine , but a bat hung from the ceiling and flew in a circle . Scary . They seemed to have a Halloween soundtrack that one would find in a 99 cent store on loop somewhere in the room . I didn 't see a stereo , but I guessed they must have used a PA system . I stepped over a few toy rats that wheeled around and walked with a puffed chest across to the next area . I reached for the doorknob and my heart sank to my knees . I did not want to open that door . A feeling of dread hit me so hard I could barely even think . Logic overtook me after a few terrified moments , and I shook it off and entered the next room . On the surface , it looked like a normal room . There was a chair in the middle of the wood paneled floor . A single lamp in the corner did a poor job of lighting the area , and it cast a few shadows across the floor and walls . That was the problem . Shadows . Plural . With the exception of the chair 's , there were others . I had barely walked in the door and I was already terrified . It was at that moment that I knew something wasn 't right . I didn 't even think as I automatically tried to open the door I came through . It was locked from the other side . That set me off . Was someone locking the doors as I progressed ? There was no way . I would have heard them . Was it a mechanical lock that set automatically ? Maybe . But I was too scared to really think . I turned back to the room and the shadows were gone . The chair 's shadow remained , but the others were gone . I slowly began to walk . I used to hallucinate when I was a kid , so I wrote off the shadows as a figment of my imagination . I began to feel better as I made it to the halfway point of the room . I looked down as I took my steps and that 's when I saw it . Or didn 't see it . My shadow wasn 't there . I didn 't have time to scream . I ran as fast as I could to the other door and flung myself without thinking into the room beyond . The fourth room was possibly the most disturbing . As I closed the door , all light seemed to be sucked out and put back into the previous room . I stood there , surrounded by darkness , and couldn 't move . I 'm not afraid of the dark and never have been , but I was absolutely terrified . All sight had left me . I held my hand in front of my face and if I didn 't know what I was doing so I would never have been able to tell . Darkness doesn 't describe it . I couldn 't hear anything . It was dead silence . When you 're in a sound - proof room , you can still hear yourself breathing . You can hear yourself being alive . I couldn 't . I began to stumble forward after a few moments , my rapidly beating heart the only thing I could fee . There was no door in sight . Wasn 't even sure there was one this time . The silence was then broken by a low hum . I felt something behind me . I spun around wildly but could barely even see my nose . I knew it was there though . Regardless of how dark it was , I knew something was there . The hum grew louder , closer . It seemed to surround me , but I knew whatever was causing the noise was in front of me , inching closer . I took a step back ; I had never felt that kind of fear . I can 't really describe true fear . I wasn 't even scared I was going to die ; I was scared of what the alternative was . I was afraid of what this thing had in store for me . Then the lights flashed for a second and I saw it . Nothing . I saw nothing and I know I saw nothing there . The room was again plunged into darkness and the hum was now a wild screech . I screamed in protest ; I couldn 't hear this goddamn sound for another minute . I ran backwards , away from the noise , and fumbled for the door handle . I turned and fell into room five . Before I describe room five , you have to understand something . I am not a drug addict . I have had no history of drug abuse or any sort of psychosis short of the childhood hallucinations I mentioned earlier , and those were only when I was really tired or just waking up . I entered the NoEnd House with a clear head . After falling in from the previous room , my view of room five was from my back , looking up at the ceiling . What I saw didn 't scare me , it simply surprised me . Trees had grown into the room and towered above my head . The ceilings in this room were taller than the others , which made me think I was in the center of the house . I got up off the floor , dusted myself off , and took a look around . It was definitely the biggest room of them all . I couldn 't even see the door from where I was ; various brush and trees must have blocked my line of sight with the exit . Up to this point I figured the rooms were going to get scarier , but this was a paradise compared to the last room . I also assumed whatever was in room four stayed back there . I was incredibly wrong . As I made my way deeper into the room , I began to hear what one would hear if they were in a forest ; chirping bugs and the occasional flap of birds seemed to be my only company in this room . That was the thing that bothered me the most . I heard the bugs and other animals , but I didn 't see any of them . I began to wonder how big this house was . From the outside when I first walked up to it , it looked like a regular house . It was definitely on the bigger side , but this was almost a full forest in here . The canopy covered my view of the ceiling , but I assumed it was still there , however high it was . I couldn 't see any walls , either . The only way I knew I was still inside was the floor matched the other rooms : the standard dark wood paneling . I kept walking , hoping that the next tree I passed would reveal the door . After a few moments of walking , I felt a mosquito fly onto my arm . I shook it off and kept going . A second later , I felt about ten more land on my skin at different places . I felt them crawl up and down my arms and legs , and a few made their way across my face . I flailed wildly to get them all off , but they just kept crawling . I looked down and let out a muffled scream - more of a whimper , to be honest . I didn 't see a single bug . Not one bug was on me , but I could feel them crawl . I heard them fly by my face and sting my skin , but I couldn 't see a single one . I dropped to the ground and began to roll wildly . I was desperate . I hated bugs , especially ones I couldn 't see or touch . But these bugs could touch me and they were everywhere . I began to crawl . I had no idea where I was going ; the entrance was nowhere in sight and I still hadn 't even seen the exit . So I just crawled , my skin wriggling with the presence of those phantom bugs . After what seemed like hours , I found the door . I grabbed the nearest tree and propped myself up , mindlessly slapping my arms and legs to no avail . I tried to run , but I couldn 't ; my body was exhausted from crawling and dealing with whatever it was that was on me . I took a few shaky steps to the door , grabbing each tree on the way for support . It was only a few feet away when I heard it . The low hum from before . It was coming from the next room and it was deeper . I could almost feel it inside my body , like when you stand next to an amp at a concert . The feeling of the bugs on me lessened as the hum grew louder . As I placed my hand on the doorknob , the bugs were completely gone but I couldn 't bring myself to turn the knob . I knew that if I let go , the bugs would return and there was no way I would make it back to room four . I just stood there , my head pressed against the door marked six and my hand shakily grasping the knob . The hum was so loud I couldn 't even hear myself pretend to think . There was nothing I could do but move on . Room six was next , and room six was hell . I closed the door behind me , my eyes held shut and my ears ringing . The hum was surrounding me . As the door clicked into place , the hum was gone . I opened my eyes in surprise and the door I had shut was gone . It was just a wall now . I looked around in shock . The room was identical to room three - the same chair and lamp - but with the correct amount of shadows this time . The only real difference was that there was no exit door and the one I came in through was gone . As I said before , I had no previous issues in terms of mental instability , but at that moment I fell into what I now know was insanity . I didn 't scream . I didn 't make a sound . At first I scratched softly . The wall was tough , but I knew the door was there somewhere . I just knew it was . I scratched at where the doorknob was . I clawed at the wall frantically with both hands , my nails being filed down to the skin against the wood . I fell silently to my knees , the only sound in the room the incessant scratching against the wall . I knew it was there . The door was there , I knew it was just there . I knew if I could just get past this wall - There was a little girl . She was wearing a soft , white dress that went down to her ankles . She had long blonde hair to the middle of her back and white skin and blue eyes . She was the most frightenin gthing I had ever seen , and I know that nothing in my life will ever be as unnerving as what I saw in her . While looking at her , I saw something else . Where she stood I saw what looked like a man 's body , only larger than normal and covered in hair . He was naked from head to toe , but his head was not human and his toes were hooves . It wasn 't the devil , but at that moment it might as well have been . The form had the head of a ram and the snout of a wolf . It was horrifying and it was synonymous with the little girl in front of me . They were the same form . I can 't really describe it , but I saw them at the same time . They shared the same spot in that room , but it was like looking at two separate dimensions . When I saw the girl I saw the form , and when I saw the form I saw the girl . I couldn 't speak . I could barely even see . My mind was revolting against what it was attempting to process . I had been scared before in my life and I had never been more scared than when I was trapped in the fourth room , but that was before room six . I just stood there , staring at whatever it was that spoke to me . There was no exit . I was trapped here with it . And then it spoke again . When it spoke , I heard the words of the little girl , but the other form spoke through my mind in a voice I won 't attempt to describe . There was no other sound . The voice just kept repeating that sentence over and over in my mind and I agreed . I didn 't know what to do . I was slipping into madness , yet couldn 't take my eyes off what was in front of me . I dropped to the floor . I thought I had passed out , but the room wouldn 't let me . I just wanted it to end . I was on my side , my eyes wide open and the form staring down at me . Scurrying across the floor in front of me was one of the battery - powered rats from the second room . The house was toying with me . But for some reason , seeing that rat pulled my mind back from whatever depths it was headed and I looked around the room . I was getting out of there . I was determined to get out of that house and live and never think about this place again . I knew this room was hell and I wasn 't ready to take up a residency . At first , it was just my eyes that moved . I searched the walls for any kind of opening . The room wasn 't that big , so it didn 't take long to soak up the entire layout . The demon still taunted me , the voice growing louder as the form stayed rooted where it stood . I plaed my hand on the floor and lifted myself up to all four , and I turned to scan the wall behind me . Then I saw something I couldn 't believe . The form was now right at my back , whispering into my mind how I shouldn 't have dome . I felt its breath on the back of my neck , but I refused to turn around . A large rectangle was scratched into the wood , with a small dent chipped away in the center of it . Right in front of my eyes I saw the large seven I had mindlessly etched into the wall . I knew what it was : room seven was just beyond that wall where room five was moments ago . I don 't know how I had done it - maybe it was just my state of mind at the time - but I had created the door . I knew I had . In my madness , I had scratched into the wall what I needed the most : an exit to the next room . Room seven was close . I knew the demon was right behind me , but for some reason it couldn 't touch me . I closed my eyes and placed both hands on the large seven in front of me . I pushed . I pushed as hard as I could . The demon was now screaming in my ear . It told me I was never leaving . It told me that this was the end but I wasn 't going to die ; I was going to live there in room six with it . I wasn 't . I pushed and screamed at the top of my lungs . I knew I was going to push through the wall eventually . I clenched my eyes shut and screamed , and the demon was gone . I was left in silence . I turned around slowly and was greeted by the room as it was when I entered : just a chair and a lamp . I couldn 't believe it , but I didn 't have time to well . I turned back to the seven and jumped back slightly . What I saw was a door . It wasn 't the one I had scratched in , but a regular door with a large seven on it . My whole body was shaking . It took me a while to turn the knob . I just stood there for a while , staring at the door . I couldn 't stay in room six . I couldn 't . But if this was only room six , I couldn 't imagine was seven had in store . I must have stood there for an hour , just staring at the seven . Finally , with a deep breath , I twisted the knob and opened the door to room seven . I stumbled through the door mentally exhausted and physically weak . The door behind me closed and I realized where I was . I was outside . Not outside like room five , but actually outside . My eyes stung . I wanted to cry . I fell to my knees and tried but I couldn 't . I was finally out of that hell . I didn 't even care about the prize that was promised . I turned and saw that the door I just went through was the entrance . I walked to my car and drove home , thinking of how nice a shower sounded . As I pulled up to my house , I felt uneasy . The joy of leaving NoEnd House had faded and dread was slowly building in my stomach . I shook it off as residual from the house and made my way to the front door . I entered and immediately went up to my room . There on my bed was my cat , Baskerville . He was the first living thing I had seen all night and I reached to pet him . He hissed and swiped at my hand . I recoiled in shock , as he had never acted like that . I thought , " Whatever , he 's an old cat . " I jumped in the shower and got ready for what I was expecting to be a sleepless night . After my shower , I went to the kitchen to make something to eat . I descended the stairs and turned into the family room ; what I saw would be forever burned into my mind , however . My parents were lying on the ground , naked and covered in blood . They were mutilated to near - unidentifiable states . Their limbs were removed and placed next to their bodies , and their heads were placed on their chests facing me . The most unsettling part was their expressions . They were smiling , as though they were happy to see me . I vomited and sobbed there in the family room . I didn 't know what had happened ; they didn 't even live with me at the time . I was a mess . Then I saw it : a door that was never there before . A door with a large eight scrawled on it in blood . I was still in the house . I was standing in my family rom but I was in room seven . The faces of my parents smiled wider as I realized this . They weren 't my parents ; they couldn 't be , but they looked exactly like them . The door marked eight was across the room , behind the mutilated bodies in front of me . I knew I had to move on , but at that moment I gave up . The smiling faces tore into my mind ; they grounded me where I stood . I vomited again and nearly collapsed . Then the hum returned . It was louder than ever and it filled the house and shook the walls . The hum compelled me to walk . I began to walk slowly , making my way closer to the door and the bodies . I could barely stand , let alone walk , and the closer I got to my parents the closer I came to suicide . The walls were now shaking so hard it seemed as though they were going to crumble , but still the faces smiled at me . As I inched closer , their eyes followed me . I was now between the two bodies , a few feet away from the door . The dismembered hands clawed their way across the carpet towards me , all while the faces continued to stare . new terror washed over me and I walked faster . I didn 't want to hear them speak . I didn 't wan tht evoices to match those of my parents . They began to open their mouths and the hands were inches from my feet . In a dash of desperation , I lunged toward the door , threw it open , and slammed it behind me . Room eight . I was done . After what I had just experienced , I knew there wasn 't anything else this fucking house could throw at me that I couldn 't live through . there was nothing short of the fires of hell that I wasn 't ready for . Unfortunately , I underestimated the abilities of NoEnd House . Unfortunately , things got more disturbing , more terrifying , and more unspeakable in room eight . I still have trouble believing what I saw in room eight . Again , the room was a carbon copy of rooms four and six , but sitting in the usually empty chair was a man . After a few seconds of disbelief , my mind finally accepted the fact that the man sitting in the chair was me . Not someone who looked like me ; it was David Williams . I walked closer . I had to get a better look even though I was sure of it . He looked up at me and I noticed tears in his eyes . " Yes you are . . . " He was sobbing now . " You 're going to hurt me and I don 't want you to . " He sat in the chair with his legs up and began rocking back and forth . It was actually pretty pathetic looking , especially since he was me , identical in every way . " Listen , who are you ? " I was now only a few feet from my doppleganger . It was the weirdest experience yet , standing there talking to myself . I wasn 't scared , but I would be soon . " Why are you - " " Why are you saying this ? Just calm down , alright ? Let 's try and figure this - " And then I saw it . The David sitting down was wearing the same clothes as me , except for a small red patch on his shirt embroidered with the number nine . My eyes didn 't leave that small number on his chest . I knew exactly what it was . The first few doors were plain and simple , but after a while they got a little more ambiguous . Seven was scratched into the wall , but by my own hands . Eight was marked in blood above the bodies of my parents . But nine - this number was on a person , a living person . Worse still , it was on a person that looked exactly like me . " Yes . . . you 're going to hurt me you 're going to hurt me . . . " He continued to sob and rock . He answered to David . he was me , right down to the voice . But that nine . I paced around for a few minutes while he sobbed in his chair . The room had no door and , similarly to room six , the door I came through was gone . For some reason , I assumed that scratching would get me nowhere this time . I studied the walls and floor around the chair , sticking my head underneath and seeing if anything was below . Unfortunately , there was . Below the chair was a knife . Attached was a tag that read , " To David - From Management . " The feeling in my stomach as I read that tag was something sinister . I wanted to throw up and the last thing I wanted to do was remove that knife from under that chair . The other David was still sobbing uncontrollably . My mind was spinning into an attic of unanswerable questions . Who put this here and how did they get my name ? Not to mention the fact that as I knelt on the cold wood floor I also sat in that chair , sobbing in protest of being hurt by myself . It was all too much to process . The house and the management had been playing with me this whole time . My thoughts for some reason turned to Peter and whether or not he got this far . If he did , if he met a Peter Terry sobbing in this very chair , rocking back and forth . . . I shook those thoughts out of my head ; they didn 't matter . I took the knife from under the chair and immidately the other David went quiet . David was still sitting in the chair , though he was very calm now . He looked up at me with a slight grin . I couldn 't tell if he was going to laugh or strangle me . Slowly , he got up from the chair and stood , facing me . It was uncanny . His height and even the way he stood matched mine . I felt the rubber hilt of the knife in my hand and gripped it tighter . I don 't know what I was planning on doing with it , but I had a feeling I was going to need it . " Now , " his voice was slightly deeper than my own . " I 'm going to hurt you . I 'm going to hurt you and I 'm going to keep you here . " I didn 't respond . I just lunged and tackled him to the ground . I had mounted him and looked down , knife poised and ready . He looked up at me , terrified . It was like I was looking in a mirror . Then the hum returned , low and distant , though I still felt it deep in my body . David looked up at me as I looked down at myself . The hum was getting louder and I felt something inside me snap . With one motion , I slammed the knife into the patch on his chest and ripped down . Blackness fell on the room and I was falling . The darkness around me was like nothing I had experienced up to that point . Room three was dark , but it didn 't come close to what was completely engulfing me . I wasn 't even sure if I was falling after a while . I felt weightless , covered in dark . Then a deep sadness came over me . I felt lost , depressed , and suicidal . The sight of my parents entered my mind . I knew it wasn 't real , but I had seen it and the mind has trouble differentiating between what is real and what isn 't . The sadness only deepened . I was in room nine for what seemed like days . The final room . And that 's exactly what it was : the end . NoEnd House had an end and I had reached it . At that moment , I gave up . I knew I would be in that in - between state forever , accompanied by nothing but darkness . Not even the hum was there to keep me sane . I had lost all senses . I couldn 't feel myself . I couldn 't hear anything . Sight was completely useless here . I searched for a taste in my mouth and found nothing . I felt disembodied and completely lost . I knew where I was . This was hell . Room nine was hell . Then it happened . A light . One of those stereotypical lights at the end of the tunnel . I felt ground come up from below me and I was standing . After a moment or two of gathering my thoughts and senses , I slowly walked toward that light . As I approached the light , it took form . It was a vertical slit down the side of an unmarked door . I slowly walked through the door and found myself back where I started : the lobby of NoEnd House . It was exactly how I left it : still empty , still decorated with childish Halloween decorations . After everything that had happened that night , I was still wary of where I was . After a few moments of normalcy , I looked around the place trying to find anything different . On the desk was a plain white envelope with my name handwritten on it . Immensely curious , yet still cautious , I mustered up the courage to open the envelope . Inside was a letter , again handwritten . I couldn 't stop laughing . I laughed for what seemed like hours . I laughed as I walked out to my car and laughed as I drove home . I laughed as I pulled into my driveway . I laughed as I opened my front door to my house and laughed as I saw the small ten etched into the wood . I don 't even know why I 'm writing this . I can post this in a million different places , it won 't matter . There 's still nobody there to read it . Nobody left to hear my story . Yet this might be my last chance to do this , so I will . The feeling won 't go away . They 're watching . They 're watching and getting closer every second . They can feel my terror . And I know they 're enjoying it . It has been about four months since everyone disappeared . And I mean everyone . I woke up one morning for school . I immediately noticed the time . School started three hours ago . Must have just hit the alarm clock still half - asleep , and fallen right back to sleep . It happens to me sometimes . Why hadn 't my parents woken me up ? Probably just went to work early . The first time I started to notice was at the station . I usually take a train to school , since it 's the fastest way to get there . I hadn 't seen anyone on my way to the station , but I lived in a rather quiet area of the town , so going was slow at this time of the day . It happened , so I didn 't think much of it . When I arrived at the station , I noticed there was nobody there . It was odd . There should have been at least a few people waiting for the train , even at this time of the day . I shrugged it off as an exceptionally slow day . It happened sometimes , too . I waited for a good while , but the train didn 't come . I don 't remember how long I stood there , but I grew increasingly frustrated . I decided to walk to school . After all , it was only a twenty - minute walk if I did it fast enough , and I was late for the next lesson anyways . I didn 't see anyone on my way to school . Nor was there anyone in school . The school building was open , and lit . I still didn 't think much of it , the lessons were on anyways . But the classrooms were empty . Every single classroom in the whole building . Some doors were open , some closed . But there was nobody there . I tried the teacher 's lounge , and it was empty . I even recall the smell of fresh coffee in the room . I tried calling one of my friends to ask what was going on . No answer . The phone rang , but there just wasn 't any answer . I tried another . Same thing . I ended up going through every single person I know from school . No answer . I rushed to the shopping mall nearby . It was empty . The entire building , normally bustling with life , totally empty . The shops were open , the lights were on , the music was playing , the info screens were on . There just wasn 't anyone strolling around the mall , searching through the stores , manning the counters . I tried calling my parents . No answer . The whole day , I did not see a single living person . The only cars I saw were parked ones . There were no animals either . Everything was just dead quiet . But everything still worked . The shops were open , the lights were on , the TVs worked , there just wasn 't any program . Even the internet was there . Every site worked , every chatroom was open , there just wasn 't anyone there . I went nuts . I don 't remember much of the first days , what it was like . Just the feeling of unimaginable terror , loneliness . I didn 't sleep much , I didn 't eat at all . I just sat around my house , waiting for someone to come home , for someone to call me , to hear a car drive past , waiting for the dream to end . It never did . I eventually gathered myself . I told myself nobody was coming , and I had to get up and at least eat . And eat I did . I ate everything I could find , had the date expired or not . I ate and ate . And cried . I was alone . There was no sign , anywhere , that there 'd be a single living person anywhere else in the world . No TV - channels showed any program . Some just showed the same news screens over and over . Nothing in the internet updated . Nobody ever logged in anywhere . Nobody answered the phone . Yet , everything just kept working . The power never went out . The lights were always on . The traffic lights worked . The stores were open . Music played where it had always played . I eventually grew accustomed to it . It took a while , but I started going out . At first I tried visiting friends , look for people , anyone . I soon gave it up . Before long , I realized that I need more food than what we have at home . I started looting grocery stores . Just what I needed at first , then went to home , and ate it . Before long , I started looting other goodies . Candy . Drinks . Maybe a month was gone , and I had come to terms with my life , and the fact that there was nobody else in the world . So I made the most of my life . I started having fun , the kind of fun you 'd imagine doing if you had the whole world for yourself for one day . I pillaged through every store I could think of , stole everything I could get my hands on . I slept at beds in furniture stores , I played games with the biggest screens electronic stores had . I broke every fine piece of china I came across . I rampaged through malls , leaving behind a trail of destruction . I missed my old life , but made the best of this one . I was relaxing back home , listening through some albums I had brought home with me , when I suddenly heard a strange noise from outside . I can 't really describe it well . It was like something called for me . I 'm not even sure I really heard it . I just felt it . What I saw outside scared the life out of me . Someone - something . It was the shape of a man , yet it was somehow … wrong . It was entirely black . No , not just black . It seemed to suck the very light from the air around it . There were no features to be seen . No clothing , no hair , no facial features . It was just a black mass I somehow knew was something like a man . I couldn 't stare directly at it , yet I couldn 't take my eyes off it . Every second I stared at it , it came closer , yet it didn 't move . Every second I felt I got dragged closer to it , yet I stayed where I was . The only feature I could recognize was it 's eyes . Two green , shiny dots I knew were it 's eyes . I knew it , because no stare has ever been so piercing , so paralyzing , so dreadful . It felt like the stare itself sucked the very life out of me . I woke up . A day had passed , maybe two . I can 't remember for certain . I woke up , screaming , sweating , from my own bed . It was a dream . It had to be . I was alone . There was nobody else in the world , how could it have been anything other than a dream ? I went on . At first , the dream kept bothering me . It felt so real . Was it ? No , it couldn 't have been . With the days , the memory started to fade . The moment started feeling more and more dreamlike , so I thought nothing of it . I even laughed at myself for thinking it was anything else . Yet , there was a constant feeling of pressure in the air . It was like a coming storm that never came . Sometimes I barely noticed it , sometimes I couldn 't even think properly because of it . Yet , I went on living . Today it happened again . The feeling . It called to me , while I was drifting to sleep . It called to me , told me to come to the window . I was too afraid to move . Yet still , my legs slowly took me there . An unimaginable feeling of dread and despair came over me . Tears flowed from my eyes as my feet unwillingly took me to the window . There was nobody there . The street was as empty as always . Yet the feeling did not go away . I felt like there were a million eyes focused on me alone . They were there . They were staring . That was two hours ago . The calling stopped . The staring didn 't . I 'm writing this now , because I know it 's the last time I can . They 're drawing closer by the second . I 'm not even sure why I 'm writing this . Maybe there 's someone else like me in some corner of the world . Maybe someone can read this . I don 't care . I have to tell someone . Often referred to as its code name , the Buryman Script , the Buried Alive Model was to be found on the final story of the Pokémon Tower in the spot of what has been replaced with the Marowak ghost . According to the scripts assigned to it , the Buried Alive Model was intended to be the " boss " of the tower . Upon reaching the top floor , the following conversation would have taken place . After this , the battle would have been initiated . One in " battle view , " the Buried Alive Model appears to be a decaying human corpse attempting to crawl out of the ground . It has been programmed to have two White Hands , a Gengar , and a Muk . Strangely enough , a protocol for Buried Alive 's actions after defeat wasn 't written . In this ending , Buried Alive was to have stated , " Finally , fresh meat ! " followed by several lines of Gibberish . He was to have then dragged the player into the ground surrounding him . The scene would finish with a typical " Game Over " screen . However , in the background an image of Buried Alive devouring the player was to have been shown . Known in the code as WhitHand . gif , this was scripted to appear as a Pokémon on the third floor of the Lavender Tower . It is divided into four separate animations : an introduction ( the " cry " a Pokémon unleashes before a battle ) , an idle , and two attacks . These attacks are unknown , as they are listed simply as " Fist " and " Brutal . " The first attack is the hand balling into a fist and swinging forward . However , the " brutal " animation is missing several frames . The hand seems to open up , then cuts out . After a few seconds , it reappears , closed again . No record has been found of these missing frames . In 1983 , a team of deeply pious scientists conducted a radical experiment in an undisclosed facility . The scientists had theorized that a human without access to any senses or ways to perceive stimuli would be able to perceive the presence of God . They believed that the five senses clouded our awareness of eternity , and without them , a human could actually establish contact with God by thought . An elderly man who claimed to have " nothing to left to live for " was the only test subject to volunteer . To purge him of all his senses , the scientists performed a complex operation in which every sensory nerve connection to the brain was surgically severed . Although the test subject retained full muscular function , he could not see , hear , taste , smell , or feel . With no possible way to communicate with or even sense the outside world , he was alone with his thoughts . Scientists monitored him as he spoke aloud about his state of mind in jumbled , slurred sentences that he couldn 't even hear . After four days , the man claimed to be hearing hushed , unintelligible voices in his head . Assuming it was an onset of psychosis , the scientists paid little attention to the man 's concerns . Two days later , the man cried that he could hear his dead wife speaking with him , and even more , he could communicate back . The scientists were intrigued , but were not convinced until the subject started naming dead relatives of the scientists . He repeated personal information to the scientists that only their dead spouses and parents would have known . At this point , a sizable portion of scientists left the study . After a week of conversing with the deceased through his thoughts , the subject became distressed , saying the voices were overwhelming . In every waking moment , his consciousness was bombarded by hundreds of voices that refused to leave him alone . He frequently threw himself against the wall , trying to elicit a pain response . He begged the scientists for sedatives , so he could escape the voices by sleeping . This tactic worked for three days , until he started having severe night terrors . The subject repeatedly said that he could see and hear the deceased in his dreams . Only a day later , the subject began to scream and claw at his non - functional eyes , hoping to sense something in the physical world . The hysterical subject now said the voices of the dead were deafening and hostile , speaking of hell and the end of the world . At one point , he yelled " No heaven , no forgiveness " for five hours straight . He continually begged to be killed , but the scientists were convinced that he was close to establishing contact with God . After another day , the subject could no longer form coherent sentences . Seemingly mad , he started to bite off chunks of flesh from his arm . The scientists rushed into the test chamber and restrained him to a table so he could not kill himself . After a few hours of being tied down , the subject halted his struggling and screaming . He stared blankly at the ceiling as teardrops silently streaked across his face . For two weeks , the subject had to be manually rehydrated due to the constant crying . Eventually , he turned his head and , despite his blindness , made focused eye contact with a scientist for the first time in the study . He whispered " I have spoken with God , and he has abandoned us " and his vital signs stopped . There was no apparent cause of death . Posted by I was born in Mexico . My father was a goat farmer and my mother used to weave baskets so we could have at least two meals a day . We were very poor and my older siblings and I had the misfortune of being born in extreme weather . My oldest brother was born on the coldest day of winter , my elder sister in a spring deluge , and I in the thick of summer . Despite the fact that the 80s had brought advances in the standerd of living for the world 's citizens , it seemed to have forgotten us in our tiny two - bedroom cabin . When my father heard about the H1 - B Visa program through my uncle , he eagerly signed up . Every spring , he would go to work as a laborer on a pepper and tobacco farm in Texas . The work was hard , but the pay was good and he was always home in time for Christmas , so he didn 't complain . He was saving up money so we could emigrate to the United States , so he worked from 1988 until 1991 , saving what he could . He made sure not a penny was wasted , and on the long winter bus ride from the farm to Mexico , he would sleep so the hunger pangs would not bother him . He doesn 't usually talk much about his days as a migrant worker , but he did tell us that one day , in the winter of 1989 , he couldn 't sleep . The bus had made a rest stop near a small taco stand . The tacos smelled wonderful and everyone on the bus formed a long line towards the taco stand , eager and salivating . The man behind the small dirty counter was very friendly , he said , but there was something a little ' off ' about him . The man scooped out the steaming , spiced meat onto fresh , piping hot , flour tortillas like a machine , taking the money in one hand and serving up a big loaded plate with the other . The next winter , the bus again made a rest stop at the man 's taco stand . Again , the passengers formed a long line along with other people . They had become addicted , they said . Every year , they waited impatiently to return to this small , dingy taco stand . My father , of course , stayed on the bus . He was used to the feeling of hunger ; he lived with it throughout his childhood , so he would surely survive . Again , he slept , dreaming of a big bowl of my mother 's chicken soup with a side of hot corn tortillas ( which we could afford by then ) . The next spring , he left again . It wasn 't a very good year ; the weather was horrible and the crop yield was so low that the farm had no choice but to let the workers go home a month early . My father said that the fellow workers were abuzz with excitement . They didn 't have to eat their tacos in the cold this year . the men eagerly counted the number of miles , their excitement mounting as they drew closer to the rest stop . Three more miles . . . Two more miles . . . One more mile . . . until they finally reached the spot where the man had his taco stand . But then , nothing . There was no sign of the stand or the man with his big steel pot of delicious , sweet deer meat . The only person there was an old woman selling papier - mâché frogs and piñatas . The workers demanded to know what had happened to the man with the deer tacos . Had he moved to another location ? Did he open up a restaraunt ? What happened ? " He was arrested two months ago . A lot of the local farmers and various other men started to go missing in his village and the police were completely dumbfounded . A small rumor was going around that the local butcher - the taco man , as you know him - could be involved . The police had no other leads and decided to follow up on that . What they saw shook them beyond beli - " She was cut off by a man asking , " And what about the deer tacos ? When he gets out of jail , will he start making and selling them again ? " Oh , he won 't be leaving his cell for a long time . You see , he wasn 't very well liked in his village . Venado was a nickname that he used to refer to his enemies . " Ever since my dad left , my mom has been serving up " special meat . " She said that daddy was giving it to us and I should never look in the fridge in the basement . Needless to say , I got incredibly curious . One night , at around midnight , I snuck into the basement and looked in the fridge . What I saw there haunts me to this day . It was none other than my father , with cube neatly sliced out of his torso and limbs . I screamed , waking up my mom . She instantly knew what I had done and ran up to the kitchen to grab her cleaver . I , on the other hand , was too stunned to move until my mom came into the basement . She was swinging the cleaver like a maniac , all the while trying to coax me to stop running . " It 's okay , " she goaded in that motherly voice . After running in circles around the house many times , I realized my mom had locked the door at some point . Inevitably , she caught me . She pinned me to the ground and started chopping off my limbs , one by one . The next day , I was sitting in a wheelchair , all bandaged up . My mom once muttered , " Now you know , " but I didn 't question it . Calling it a creepy story would be kind of an insult . This is an expression of gratitute toward a friend - a friend that was always there for me . He watched over me when I was growing up and was the best friend any kid could have , even if I didn 't realize it at the time . He was always there , even though I couldn 't see him . He was always acting in my best interests , even if I couldn 't understand it . I 'd like to take some time to share with you our story , because if you 're lucky you might have a friend like this too . I bought a new computer back in May 2010 and took my old computer to the store to have everything backed up . When I took my new computer home , I set everything up and began restoring my files from my portable hard drive . While I was installing some programs , I noticed a file in the Misc folder the technician at the shop made for files that didn 't really belong anywhere . The file was called " HappyBirthdayBaby . txt " . You might find this one day . I 'm not great at this computer stuff , but I 've watched you tinkering with this machine lately and I think I know how to save this so you 'll find it . Seeing as it 's time for me to go , I want to leave you this last little message . I know you never met your father , but to me he was Col . Marcus Andrew Stadtfield . As I 'm sure your mother told you , he was a good man . He had the pride of a lion , the strength of a bear , and a heart of pure gold . Truth is , I was almost like his son way before you were born . I was his second in command and served with him for three years . I watched as your mother wept when she heard the news , her belly swolen with your soon - to - be debut into this world . I stayed with her every second of every day until the day you came into the world . After that , my focus shifted to you personally . I watched as they cleaned you and handed you to your mother . She seemed to look right at me with a knowing eye as I stood over the both of you , almost as if she knew all along . I 'd be willing to bet my last penny she did at that time . I 've watched you grow ; I remember everything , even the things you don 't . You were such a happy baby . You seemed to have inherited your father 's sense of humor , as when you were getting to be four months old you would do just about everything to hinder your mother 's attempts at changing you , laughing all the way . You were a wild one at heart , just as you are today . When you were about six months old , we used to play all the time . We had a game where I would grab your toes and tickle your belly ; you would have a great time . When your mother came in , I 'd have to stop and it always perplexed her as to why you 'd start crying . She seemed to think you didn 't like her , which is when I realized I had to back away some . But hey , I knew it was because you didn 't want the fun to end . When you were a year old , you seemed to develop a sixth sense for me . Although you couldn 't really see me so well anymore , you knew I was there . I couldn 't play with you much because I knew it would only hurt you in the long run , but I always kept guard . However , I knew you remembered seeing me because you had a way of testing my presence . You 'd throw toys into the corner where I stood and waited to see if I would play with them . Now , I know you won 't remember , but once you threw a bear and a rag doll at me . Because your mother was busy in the kitchen , making dinner , I kept you entertained by putting on a little show . It wasn 't anything special , all I did was make them dance a little . You were laughing loud and your mom came to see what was so funny , but when she saw what she saw , she wasn 't laughing . I bet you could mention the bear and rag doll dance and the color would run right out of her cheeks . Do me a favor and don 't , though ; I think it would be much kinder to ask if you ever threw the toys into the corner . That isn 't so much a bad memory for her than the dancing . Do you remember your first word ? I do . " Love . " Haha . Your mother made damned well sure you knew just how much you were cherished by her . Every moment of every day she would always say " Love you , baby . " I remember you tugging my heart strings something awful once , when your mother was changing you in the bathroom this one time . You seemed to have caught my reflection in the mirror . You pointed and said " Love . " Your mother laughed and affirmed it . It was your only word for a time , but as I walked out of the reflection you started getting restless and I knew again that I had to be more stealthy . You were growing more and more every day . I couldn 't afford to break my promise to your father , which is why I had to step back further . I broke the rules many time to protect you . That promise to your father was everything to me . I remember when you were three and had mastered walking . You were a regular little scout . Haha . You could never keep still . Those little legs opened up a whole other world to you and you weren 't shy at all about exploring it . One day you were with your mother in the market and a lady with a shiny purse caught your eye . You went running after her . This other woman was running with her trolley in front of her , coming the other way , and didn 't spot you . Because you were running after the purse , you didn 't spot her either . Breaking the rules wasn 't allowed , but allowing you to get hurt wasn 't allowed either . When you noticed her , it was too late . You fell on your ass before you could scamper out of her way . Not having any other option , I sent that trolley flying into the side of a freezer . As it crashed , that woman screamed bloody murder . " A - A - A MAN IN A UNIFORM ! " You giggled as the crowd gathered and your mother came running . When she found you at that scene , you were safe and sound . You pointed to the trolley that had smashed the window to the freezer and you know what you said ? " Love mommy . " Though I had to hide myself and was shamed for creating such a scene out in the open , I was laughing too . As you grew and became more aware , so did I . I knew when I could and couldn 't intervene . Doing too much would hurt the both of us , so I picked my moments . You were a smart kid just like your father and most of the time knew how to handle any and every situation . If there was an option , you took it . Though I slipped up a few times while you were growing up , I think I did well to keep an eye on you . It was just little things to make your life a little easier , things you probably won 't remember : putting your piano music sheets in your bag at night , turning off your television when you fell asleep , pulling the sheets over you on the colder nights , sorting your drawers , setting your alarm clock , closing your window and door , etc . . . You caught me doing one or two of these things a few times and I want to take the time toapologize for scaring you . This one time , you were doing your homework at your desk and fell asleep , so I filled in all the answers for your math quiz . You made such a fuss to your mother about how strict the teacher was about homework and I knew you knew the answers anyway , but you suspected more than ever when you woke up and found that half a sheet you left was done . You were older and forgotten that we were friends . Things you saw in the media about ghosts scared you and had every right to be scared . I just want to say I 'm sorry . I never meant to make you cry . If only I had taken a little extra care , you 'd never have known . I just wanted to keep you safe and happy . As you matured , you began to take form as a young lady . As such , you began to know the evil of men . Though you had your wits about you , you were always taking stupid risks . Watching over you became a little more of a worry for me and I had to expose myself more and more . Most notably was that night when that no good boy you brought home started putting the moves on you when your mother went to work . He was only after one thing and , although I knew it wasn 't my place to choose for you , you were still only a baby girl , just fifteen years old . As he got on top of you and started undressing you , took his top off and began saying those sweet nothings . . . your face said it all . You were scared . When you told him to stop , he wouldn 't . When you tried to push him off , he got angry , struck you , and tried to put his hand up your skirt . All the evil I kept inside of me came out at that moment and it was something I couldn 't control . My temper and rage boiled over as I began to growl . The lights started flickering . The TV volume began to rise . The doors and windows bashed . The keys on your piano began to rattle . With your father 's roar , I yelled , " GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE , BOY ! ! ! " As he ran out of the room , you tried to follow , but I slammed the door in your face and wouldn 't let the handle go until your mother pulled up in the driveway . I 'm so sorry that whole thing traumatized you for a while . You became more frightened of me than ever , having such an experience . I knew from then on , despite how much I loved you , we could never be friends . Not after what I 'd done . Some nights , you used to sit awake to watch for me . I 'd have to sit in the darkest corner , looking right back at you , unable to reassue you that I wasn 't here to cause you harm . You used to scream " I HATE YOU ! GET OUT ! LEAVE ME ALONE ! " Just as you used to do as a toddler , you threw things into my corner . Instead of toys for me to play with , this time it was heavy books , cd cases , and just about anything else you could get your hands on to get me to move . You used to sit in your bed watching that corner . I always felt terrible about what I did . I 'd almost broken that promise to your father . More importantly , I 'd almost broken my personal promise I 'd made to you , too . It was like that until the night you tried to make peace with me . That night , you sat in your bed and said " If you 're here , I 'm sorry . You were only trying to stop him . " I wanted to say something , but I couldn 't , even as you shuffled around nervously . " You 're here , right ? Could you show me a sign ? " I wanted so badly to give you something , anything to show you I was there and heard that , but I kept silent and just nodded . I feared you would lose it if I gave you a sign . You have to know , I was never mad at you . You were just a girl and that little prick tipped me over the edge . Promise me you 'll never do anything like that again , okay ? It 's your eighteenth birthday today , which is why I 'm writing this to you . I want to wish you a happy birthday . I 'm sure your dad 's getting sick of keeping that bar stool open for me , though . Live a good life and try not to forget about me . Know you turned out great . Your father would be so proud of you . This letter is my present to you . Don 't you worry about the spooky corner anymore . My last order is complete . I don 't know about you , but I think this trooper deserves a drink ; you were such a handful . Haha ! I was gobsmacked when I read this letter ; everything made so much sense now . All the things that happened when I was growing up . . . I always thought I was seeing things until the day my boyfriend at the time almost raped me . I 'll be the first to admit I was scared of him . I didn 't understand what he was , why he was there , or what he was after , but I got it all wrong . A few days after reading , I asked my mom a few questions about the spooky things that happened when I was growing up . She was very nonchalant about it until I mentioned what happened in the market . She stopped cleaning , set down her cloth , turned to me , and smiled . She said , " You always had a guardian angel watching over you , honey . I don 't know if it was your father or not , but who or whatever it was made sure nothing bad happened to you . " She turned around and began cleaning the dishes again before asking , " So I guess you met it then , right ? Your spirit friend . " " Not exactly . " I replied . " He left something for me . " I went upstairs , brought the laptop down , and showed her the letter . My mother was crying by the time she finished . Afterward , she told me about my dad 's friend . " He was a kind boy . Marc brought him home once to meet me and he had a certain air about him . He was as loyal as a dog to your father . He had a love and respect for him that even I was intimidated by at times . When he came to our home on leave , Marcus had to practically order him to make himself at home . He eve had to be asked to take his uniform off . He looked up to Marcus almost like a boy looks up to his father . I don 't really know his background , but I remember your father telling me he was a good drinking partner , a fine soldier , and an invaluable friend . " " They found that poor boy and Marcus all alone in a building that had been overrun by their enemy . They were out on recon and their team got separated when they came under fire . The rest of the boys in your father 's team survived , but those two weren 't so lucky . The way they found them was peculiar . " As she choked back tears , she looked me right in the eye and continued . " That boy was found right on top of your father , riddled with bullets . He was shielding him right up until the moment he died . He could have gotten away , but he refused to leave your injured father 's side . " With that , we both burst into tears . Love . That 's exactly what he was . He was a guardian . I had no reason to be afraid of him . I 'd have given anything just to tell him I was sorry and I loved him back . I had no right , with all the terrible things I did to him at the end . I realized that he loved my father so much , not even death could keep him from the promise he mentioned in the letter . When I asked what the promise was , my mother looked at me with tears in her eyes . " It was made in this very house while they were setting up your room . It was simply : ' No matter what happens , promise me you 'll watch over my daughter . ' " Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
My family and I recently moved into a new house , and as I did most of the moving things around , I ended up putting some boxes in this small three by three little storage area that could be accessed inside the back of the upstairs closet , which was in the bathroom . It stretched about twenty feet along the side of the house , and had wood flooring and a single bare light bulb on the wall near the entrance . When I first entered this little cubby , I couldn 't help but notice the dead ants . There were at least one hundred of them , just laying all about the floor , more condensed against the farthest wall . I instantly felt cold , and had a sense that someone was near me . " Hello . . I just moved in . Nice to meet you . " I don 't know why I said it , I just felt like it . I didn 't get a response , of course , and went about my business . After a few weeks , I couldn 't help but notice that same presence every time I went into that bathroom , which was pretty often . One day , I decided that I should do something with it . This was also the day I found my plastic owl . I 'd been on / x / a lot lately , and reading about different things like summoning spirits , manipulating energy , and other weird stuff . I decided to blend some concepts , and in an attempt to astral travel , I met the presence from my bathroom . I asked him if he could at times possess my owl and face towards malicious spirits that entered my bedroom , and in return I would do whatever I could to help him out . He instantly pushed me into my body , which startled me a lot , and I awoke to find my owl staring directly at me from my dresser across the room . " GET OUT OF HERE , I ' M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ! " I practiaclly yelled this into the open air , and right before my eyes the owl turned to the window , and then back to its normal position facing straight back to the wall across from it . I assumed this was the position it would take when no bad spirits were present , and made note of that . It worked . I couldn 't believe it at first , but it actually worked . " Thank you , I won 't let you down . You have my word . " I don 't know if the spirit ever heard . I decided to name him Nighteye , since I had been playing Oblivion a lot lately , and owls can obviously see well at night . I liked it . Over the next few weeks , Nighteye always looked a certain way , and then I told whatever was there to leave . I don 't know why that worked , I just supposed bad spirits didn 't like being found out . And if I 'm not afraid of them , what do they have to gain ? I always knew when Nighteye found one of the bad spirits , which I called wisps ( more Oblivion , as it seemed appropriate ) , because he turned quickly , making an eerie creaking noise from the plastic scraping the wooden dresser top . The noise bothered me at first , but after a while it didn 't any more , and it even became almost comforting . Almost . I don 't know if I 'm crazy . I 've thought about it , but never come to a conclusion . I saw these things happen , so I believed they were real . Sometimes I questioned it , it didn 't make any sense . But I decided in the end it didn 't matter . After a while , I began speaking to Nighteye . He never responded , of course , but I believed he heard me . I would just talk about my day at work , how the weather was weird , about a cute girl I saw earlier , just anything . I spoke to him like I would a friend . I considered him a friend . We helped each other out , didn 't we ? Sometimes I would go astral , and I 'd see him . But for some reason every time I did , he 'd push my back into my body right away . I would ask why , but the only thing I ever got for an answer was a whispered " not yet . . " that I would only realize I heard upon waking up . I didn 't know what he meant by that , but he was helping me , right ? After a while , not a lot of wisps showed up anymore . After all , I lived in a relatively small mountain town , and how many wisps could be wandering around this small place ? I was happy . I don 't know if the wisps ever did anything to me before I did all this , but I was generally happier , it seemed . I always made sure to tell Nighteye how much I appreciated what he was doing for me , and that I promised I would make it up to him . After I while I began to think , how could I do something to help a spirit from my closet ? I couldn 't think of an answer , and it began to worry me . I thought about it more and more , becoming less focused at work and whenever I played games or did anything . I would be happy and fine , and then I would remember . It was like the thought appeared in my mind on its own . Was Nighteye doing this ? Did he want to make sure I didn 't forget ? For a whole week , no wisps showed up at all . Each day that one didn 't appear , I began to worry more and more . I wasn 't really afraid of anything , but with every day , the terror that had begun to grow in the pit of my stomach began to grow . On the night of the seventh day that no wisps came to my room , I didn 't go to sleep for a long time . I didn 't even remember work , and as soon as I got home I just laid in bed for hours . It must have been around 3 in the morning when I finally fell asleep . I remember I was dreaming , I don 't know what about , but it was very pleasant . I remember feeling content and happy , more so than I had ever been . Suddenly I was ripped from my body , thrown into being astral . This wasn 't right , as I looked down at my body . Any time I had gone astral , I did it willingly , and knew ahead of time it was happening . I didn 't do this . I turned from my happily sleeping body , and faced directly at Nighteye . He wasn 't in the owl anymore . " What are you doing ? " I managed to think to him . " You promised to help me " was all he said , and he kept repeating it , over and over . Each time he said it , he moved closer to me . He seemed angry at first , but with each repeated statement , he began to sound sad . Why was he sad ? I felt a tugging at the back of my head , and remembered the tether . I made a chain of sorts , and attached it from my real body 's head to my spirit 's . I didn 't know if it actually did anything , but it made me feel secure . Whenever it tugged at me , I knew . I wanted to go back to my body , and my body wanted me back . I turned to face Nighteye again , and he was very close now , and sounded very sad . I didn 't know what to do , and I couldn 't move . " You promised you would help me . . " The thought echoed through my being . He was right in front of me now , and I was more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life . Suddenly Nighteye hugged me , and as I looked over his shoulder , my eyes fixed onto the eyes of my plastic owl . They were staring directly at me . I felt a strange releasing sensation , and I knew right away what had happened . Nighteye had severed my chain . I spun around as fast as I could , but there was nothing I could do . Nighteye pushed me hard , and as I flew backwards through the walls of my room , my bathroom , and into the closet , I saw him lower into my body . I 'm not sure what happened to me then , I know I lost it though . My mind had been broken from despair and confusion . How can I lose my body ? What will happen to me now ? These thoughts enveloped me , as I sunk into the far end of the cubby in the back of the closet . I was in a deep depression and all I could do was sit there and cry , and think . Think . Think . I never slept , only my body could . I missed sleeping . Time began to not matter to me . At some point , the light turned on . It was blinding at first , but I adjusted eventually . When I could see again , I saw the boxes of things I had put in the cubby . But they looked different than I remembered , they seemed unfamiliar . I must have forgotten things from the material world , since they had no reason to matter to me anymore . I heard some shuffling and sliding . My body was going through some things , perhaps ? My sadness began to fade instantly at the memories forced into my mind , and it turned instead into a boiling rage . What right did he have to do things with my body ? I stood up suddenly , spreading my presence in the cubby , filling it with my cold rage . My body looked up and glanced around , and appeared to shiver . It seemed sincerely afraid . He should be ! I will make him pay , I thought to myself . I continued to look at him and imagine the things I would do if I had real hands . My body looked strange , unfamiliar . The boxes were one thing , but had I forgotten even my own body ? It was no longer mine , I supposed . I can 't do anything now , I thought . I filled again with sorrow , and sat . My body left , apparently done with whatever it was doing . I had to do something , but what could I do like this ? I began to form a plan . A very dark plan . I began to act out my dark plan immediately . I would have my revenge . Since time was no longer relevant to me , I had developed an incredible patience . Over the next few weeks , I began to show him as best as I could that I was there . I wanted him to realize I was still around . He must have realized he would have to deal with me sooner or later , for after a few more weeks he went astral himself and summoned me . He spoke to me as if we had never met , and asked if I could do a favor for him . Did he not remember ? Had he seriously forgotten what he had done to me ? He asked me to stay in my very own owl , how ironic ! I was amused at this point with his faulty memory . I would play his silly game , I thought to myself . Over the next few weeks , I acted as his ' ghostcrow ' , pointing to bad spirits that came into the room . He would yell things at them , and they didn 't understand . I told them to go scare someone else , that I had much darker intentions for this one . They shrugged and left . And he thought he made them leave ! Pompous fool . I would have my revenge , when the time was right . Sometimes he would go astral himself , a ballsy move in my opinion . But I couldn 't win that easily . I needed more time , I wanted him to suffer . I would push him back into my body , and tell him " Not yet , not yet . . . " each time . He seemed confused . How could he not remember ? I didn 't understand how he could forget the awful thing he had done to me . Over time , he began to talk to me . He must be crazy , I thought . He must be taunting me . But he couldn 't be , if he had forgotten . . Something seemed strange . I didn 't understand what was going on , but I didn 't care anymore . I was so full of anger and rage that nothing could phase me now . Over time , less bad spirits came , since they all knew me by now , and knew it was futile to try anything . That only made things easier for me . After all , my plan was perfect . When I agreed to help him out , I had made him promise to help me in return . He didn 't seem to mind . He must have truly forgotten , I began to think . That would make this so much sweeter when he did finally remember . Over the course of a week of no bad spirits showing up at all , he began to become terrified . I could see it in the way he acted , the way he seemed less interested in what he was doing . I kept pressing my thoughts onto him , trying to remind him of his promise . I didn 't want him to forget . No , this he would remember . Seven days after no bad spirits had shown up at all , I decided it was time . I could wait , but why ? He was scared out of his mind , and I wanted revenge . I entered his mind as he was sleeping , peacefully for once . I suddenly felt very peaceful and happy , like I hadn 't felt since I had my body . It was a familiar feeling . He was running through a field of flowers , holding hands with a cute girl . She looked familiar . They were young , this must have been a couple years ago . But he didn 't have my body then , why would he have this memory ? Why did she look so familiar ? My thoughts bothered me , and I decided action was the best course , I would not forget what I had come here to do . I backed away from my body and his mind , grabbing firmly ahold of his spirit as I exited . I had ripped him straight away from my body , and backed away a bit to watch his horror unfold at what I was about to do to him . I was so angry , remembering what he had done to me . This was my moment . He was confused and scared , and I relished in it . " You promised you would help me . " I said to him , and I repeated it . I wanted him to remember everything . I kept repeating the phrase and moving closer to him each time I said it . But I couldn 't stop thinking about that happy feeling in the dream , the cute girl that seemed familiar . Why was she so familiar ? I kept repeating myself , trying to keep my mind away from those thoughts I didn 't understand , but I didn 't feel very angry anymore . I felt sad , and I wasn 't sure why . I didn 't want my sadness to reflect in my speech , but I couldn 't help it . As I moved closer to him , I noticed he had placed a chain connecting his spirit to my body . Familiar . Why ? I remembered the girl . I knew her . I remembered the happy feeling . It was my feeling . The memories came rushing back to me all at once , and I knew instantly what was happening . This wasn 't Nighteye I had brought forth . It was me , and I was Nighteye . I was very sad , because I knew I had to continue . It was my body , and what would happen if I didn 't take it back ? I became completely anguished as I approached myself , knowing what I was about to make myself experience . I couldn 't tell him though , I couldn 't explain . I just kept repeating myself , letting him know just how sorry I was for what I was doing through inflection . I didn 't know how I could possibly console him , and now that I was immediately in front of him , I did the only thing I could think to do . I hugged him , and knew that he looked over my shoulder . And I knew what he saw . It was the eyes of the owl . I was the bad spirit they pointed at . I reached around his head , and severed the chain . He turned to face me , and I swear I have never seen such sorrow or fear . But I knew he would be ok in the end . I pushed him as hard as I could , wishing him the best , and sank slowly into my body , enveloped in sadness . Suddenly , I felt warm and happy , like I had before , and I awoke in a field full of flowers . " I 'm back here ? " I said aloud , and a girl appeared at my side . She offered me her hand , and said " Where were you ? We have to go home now . " " Oh . . ok . It 's so nice here though . . " I replied . " I know , but we have to go . We have to go . . . " She repeated that over and over as she pulled me away , and the field began to fade . I awoke suddenly in my bed , drenched in sweat , but feeling completely at peace . I felt like I had been asleep for a very long time . Oh well , I thought to myself , as I got up and began a new day . We were friends in college and continued to be after I graduated . Notice that I said " I " . He dropped out after two years of barely cutting it . After I moved out of the dorms and into a small apartment , I didn 't see Peter as much . We would talk online every now and then ( AIM was king in pre - Facebook years ) . There was a period where he wasn 't online for about five weeks straight . I wasn 't worried . He was a pretty notorious flake and drug addict , so I assumed he just stopped caring . Then one night I saw him log on . Before I could initiate a conversation , he sent me a message . That was when he told me about the NoEnd House . It got that name because no one had ever reached the final exit . The rules were pretty simple and cliche : reach the final room of the building and you win $ 500 . There were nine rooms in all . The house was located outside the city , roughly four miles from my house . Apparently Peter had tried and failed . He was a heroin and who - knows - what - the - fuck addict , so I figured the drugs got the best of him and he wigged out at a paper ghost or something . He told me it would be too much for anyone . That it was unnatural . I didn 't believe him . I told him I would check it out the next night and no matter how hard he tried to convince me otherwise , $ 500 sounded too good to be true . I had to go . I set out the following night . When I arrived , I immediately noticed something strange about the building . Have you ever seen or read something that shouldn 't be scary , but for some reason a chill crawls up your spine ? I walked toward the building and the feeling of uneasiness only intensified as I opened the front door . My heart slowed and I let a relieved sigh leave me as I entered . The room looked like a normal hotel lobby decorated for Halloween . A sign was posted in place of a worker . It read , " Room 1 this way . Eight more follow . Reach the end and you win ! " I chuckled and made my way to the first door . The first area was almost laughable . The decor resembled the Halloween aisle of a K - Mart , complete with sheet ghosts and animatronic zombies that gave a static growl when you passed by . At the far end was an exit ; it was the only door besides the one I entered through . I brushed through the fake spider webs and headed for the second room . I was greeted by fog as I opened the door to room two . The room definitely upped the ante in terms of technology . Not only was there a fog machine , but a bat hung from the ceiling and flew in a circle . Scary . They seemed to have a Halloween soundtrack that one would find in a 99 cent store on loop somewhere in the room . I didn 't see a stereo , but I guessed they must have used a PA system . I stepped over a few toy rats that wheeled around and walked with a puffed chest across to the next area . I reached for the doorknob and my heart sank to my knees . I did not want to open that door . A feeling of dread hit me so hard I could barely even think . Logic overtook me after a few terrified moments , and I shook it off and entered the next room . On the surface , it looked like a normal room . There was a chair in the middle of the wood paneled floor . A single lamp in the corner did a poor job of lighting the area , and it cast a few shadows across the floor and walls . That was the problem . Shadows . Plural . With the exception of the chair 's , there were others . I had barely walked in the door and I was already terrified . It was at that moment that I knew something wasn 't right . I didn 't even think as I automatically tried to open the door I came through . It was locked from the other side . That set me off . Was someone locking the doors as I progressed ? There was no way . I would have heard them . Was it a mechanical lock that set automatically ? Maybe . But I was too scared to really think . I turned back to the room and the shadows were gone . The chair 's shadow remained , but the others were gone . I slowly began to walk . I used to hallucinate when I was a kid , so I wrote off the shadows as a figment of my imagination . I began to feel better as I made it to the halfway point of the room . I looked down as I took my steps and that 's when I saw it . Or didn 't see it . My shadow wasn 't there . I didn 't have time to scream . I ran as fast as I could to the other door and flung myself without thinking into the room beyond . The fourth room was possibly the most disturbing . As I closed the door , all light seemed to be sucked out and put back into the previous room . I stood there , surrounded by darkness , and couldn 't move . I 'm not afraid of the dark and never have been , but I was absolutely terrified . All sight had left me . I held my hand in front of my face and if I didn 't know what I was doing so I would never have been able to tell . Darkness doesn 't describe it . I couldn 't hear anything . It was dead silence . When you 're in a sound - proof room , you can still hear yourself breathing . You can hear yourself being alive . I couldn 't . I began to stumble forward after a few moments , my rapidly beating heart the only thing I could fee . There was no door in sight . Wasn 't even sure there was one this time . The silence was then broken by a low hum . I felt something behind me . I spun around wildly but could barely even see my nose . I knew it was there though . Regardless of how dark it was , I knew something was there . The hum grew louder , closer . It seemed to surround me , but I knew whatever was causing the noise was in front of me , inching closer . I took a step back ; I had never felt that kind of fear . I can 't really describe true fear . I wasn 't even scared I was going to die ; I was scared of what the alternative was . I was afraid of what this thing had in store for me . Then the lights flashed for a second and I saw it . Nothing . I saw nothing and I know I saw nothing there . The room was again plunged into darkness and the hum was now a wild screech . I screamed in protest ; I couldn 't hear this goddamn sound for another minute . I ran backwards , away from the noise , and fumbled for the door handle . I turned and fell into room five . Before I describe room five , you have to understand something . I am not a drug addict . I have had no history of drug abuse or any sort of psychosis short of the childhood hallucinations I mentioned earlier , and those were only when I was really tired or just waking up . I entered the NoEnd House with a clear head . After falling in from the previous room , my view of room five was from my back , looking up at the ceiling . What I saw didn 't scare me , it simply surprised me . Trees had grown into the room and towered above my head . The ceilings in this room were taller than the others , which made me think I was in the center of the house . I got up off the floor , dusted myself off , and took a look around . It was definitely the biggest room of them all . I couldn 't even see the door from where I was ; various brush and trees must have blocked my line of sight with the exit . Up to this point I figured the rooms were going to get scarier , but this was a paradise compared to the last room . I also assumed whatever was in room four stayed back there . I was incredibly wrong . As I made my way deeper into the room , I began to hear what one would hear if they were in a forest ; chirping bugs and the occasional flap of birds seemed to be my only company in this room . That was the thing that bothered me the most . I heard the bugs and other animals , but I didn 't see any of them . I began to wonder how big this house was . From the outside when I first walked up to it , it looked like a regular house . It was definitely on the bigger side , but this was almost a full forest in here . The canopy covered my view of the ceiling , but I assumed it was still there , however high it was . I couldn 't see any walls , either . The only way I knew I was still inside was the floor matched the other rooms : the standard dark wood paneling . I kept walking , hoping that the next tree I passed would reveal the door . After a few moments of walking , I felt a mosquito fly onto my arm . I shook it off and kept going . A second later , I felt about ten more land on my skin at different places . I felt them crawl up and down my arms and legs , and a few made their way across my face . I flailed wildly to get them all off , but they just kept crawling . I looked down and let out a muffled scream - more of a whimper , to be honest . I didn 't see a single bug . Not one bug was on me , but I could feel them crawl . I heard them fly by my face and sting my skin , but I couldn 't see a single one . I dropped to the ground and began to roll wildly . I was desperate . I hated bugs , especially ones I couldn 't see or touch . But these bugs could touch me and they were everywhere . I began to crawl . I had no idea where I was going ; the entrance was nowhere in sight and I still hadn 't even seen the exit . So I just crawled , my skin wriggling with the presence of those phantom bugs . After what seemed like hours , I found the door . I grabbed the nearest tree and propped myself up , mindlessly slapping my arms and legs to no avail . I tried to run , but I couldn 't ; my body was exhausted from crawling and dealing with whatever it was that was on me . I took a few shaky steps to the door , grabbing each tree on the way for support . It was only a few feet away when I heard it . The low hum from before . It was coming from the next room and it was deeper . I could almost feel it inside my body , like when you stand next to an amp at a concert . The feeling of the bugs on me lessened as the hum grew louder . As I placed my hand on the doorknob , the bugs were completely gone but I couldn 't bring myself to turn the knob . I knew that if I let go , the bugs would return and there was no way I would make it back to room four . I just stood there , my head pressed against the door marked six and my hand shakily grasping the knob . The hum was so loud I couldn 't even hear myself pretend to think . There was nothing I could do but move on . Room six was next , and room six was hell . I closed the door behind me , my eyes held shut and my ears ringing . The hum was surrounding me . As the door clicked into place , the hum was gone . I opened my eyes in surprise and the door I had shut was gone . It was just a wall now . I looked around in shock . The room was identical to room three - the same chair and lamp - but with the correct amount of shadows this time . The only real difference was that there was no exit door and the one I came in through was gone . As I said before , I had no previous issues in terms of mental instability , but at that moment I fell into what I now know was insanity . I didn 't scream . I didn 't make a sound . At first I scratched softly . The wall was tough , but I knew the door was there somewhere . I just knew it was . I scratched at where the doorknob was . I clawed at the wall frantically with both hands , my nails being filed down to the skin against the wood . I fell silently to my knees , the only sound in the room the incessant scratching against the wall . I knew it was there . The door was there , I knew it was just there . I knew if I could just get past this wall - There was a little girl . She was wearing a soft , white dress that went down to her ankles . She had long blonde hair to the middle of her back and white skin and blue eyes . She was the most frightenin gthing I had ever seen , and I know that nothing in my life will ever be as unnerving as what I saw in her . While looking at her , I saw something else . Where she stood I saw what looked like a man 's body , only larger than normal and covered in hair . He was naked from head to toe , but his head was not human and his toes were hooves . It wasn 't the devil , but at that moment it might as well have been . The form had the head of a ram and the snout of a wolf . It was horrifying and it was synonymous with the little girl in front of me . They were the same form . I can 't really describe it , but I saw them at the same time . They shared the same spot in that room , but it was like looking at two separate dimensions . When I saw the girl I saw the form , and when I saw the form I saw the girl . I couldn 't speak . I could barely even see . My mind was revolting against what it was attempting to process . I had been scared before in my life and I had never been more scared than when I was trapped in the fourth room , but that was before room six . I just stood there , staring at whatever it was that spoke to me . There was no exit . I was trapped here with it . And then it spoke again . When it spoke , I heard the words of the little girl , but the other form spoke through my mind in a voice I won 't attempt to describe . There was no other sound . The voice just kept repeating that sentence over and over in my mind and I agreed . I didn 't know what to do . I was slipping into madness , yet couldn 't take my eyes off what was in front of me . I dropped to the floor . I thought I had passed out , but the room wouldn 't let me . I just wanted it to end . I was on my side , my eyes wide open and the form staring down at me . Scurrying across the floor in front of me was one of the battery - powered rats from the second room . The house was toying with me . But for some reason , seeing that rat pulled my mind back from whatever depths it was headed and I looked around the room . I was getting out of there . I was determined to get out of that house and live and never think about this place again . I knew this room was hell and I wasn 't ready to take up a residency . At first , it was just my eyes that moved . I searched the walls for any kind of opening . The room wasn 't that big , so it didn 't take long to soak up the entire layout . The demon still taunted me , the voice growing louder as the form stayed rooted where it stood . I plaed my hand on the floor and lifted myself up to all four , and I turned to scan the wall behind me . Then I saw something I couldn 't believe . The form was now right at my back , whispering into my mind how I shouldn 't have dome . I felt its breath on the back of my neck , but I refused to turn around . A large rectangle was scratched into the wood , with a small dent chipped away in the center of it . Right in front of my eyes I saw the large seven I had mindlessly etched into the wall . I knew what it was : room seven was just beyond that wall where room five was moments ago . I don 't know how I had done it - maybe it was just my state of mind at the time - but I had created the door . I knew I had . In my madness , I had scratched into the wall what I needed the most : an exit to the next room . Room seven was close . I knew the demon was right behind me , but for some reason it couldn 't touch me . I closed my eyes and placed both hands on the large seven in front of me . I pushed . I pushed as hard as I could . The demon was now screaming in my ear . It told me I was never leaving . It told me that this was the end but I wasn 't going to die ; I was going to live there in room six with it . I wasn 't . I pushed and screamed at the top of my lungs . I knew I was going to push through the wall eventually . I clenched my eyes shut and screamed , and the demon was gone . I was left in silence . I turned around slowly and was greeted by the room as it was when I entered : just a chair and a lamp . I couldn 't believe it , but I didn 't have time to well . I turned back to the seven and jumped back slightly . What I saw was a door . It wasn 't the one I had scratched in , but a regular door with a large seven on it . My whole body was shaking . It took me a while to turn the knob . I just stood there for a while , staring at the door . I couldn 't stay in room six . I couldn 't . But if this was only room six , I couldn 't imagine was seven had in store . I must have stood there for an hour , just staring at the seven . Finally , with a deep breath , I twisted the knob and opened the door to room seven . I stumbled through the door mentally exhausted and physically weak . The door behind me closed and I realized where I was . I was outside . Not outside like room five , but actually outside . My eyes stung . I wanted to cry . I fell to my knees and tried but I couldn 't . I was finally out of that hell . I didn 't even care about the prize that was promised . I turned and saw that the door I just went through was the entrance . I walked to my car and drove home , thinking of how nice a shower sounded . As I pulled up to my house , I felt uneasy . The joy of leaving NoEnd House had faded and dread was slowly building in my stomach . I shook it off as residual from the house and made my way to the front door . I entered and immediately went up to my room . There on my bed was my cat , Baskerville . He was the first living thing I had seen all night and I reached to pet him . He hissed and swiped at my hand . I recoiled in shock , as he had never acted like that . I thought , " Whatever , he 's an old cat . " I jumped in the shower and got ready for what I was expecting to be a sleepless night . After my shower , I went to the kitchen to make something to eat . I descended the stairs and turned into the family room ; what I saw would be forever burned into my mind , however . My parents were lying on the ground , naked and covered in blood . They were mutilated to near - unidentifiable states . Their limbs were removed and placed next to their bodies , and their heads were placed on their chests facing me . The most unsettling part was their expressions . They were smiling , as though they were happy to see me . I vomited and sobbed there in the family room . I didn 't know what had happened ; they didn 't even live with me at the time . I was a mess . Then I saw it : a door that was never there before . A door with a large eight scrawled on it in blood . I was still in the house . I was standing in my family rom but I was in room seven . The faces of my parents smiled wider as I realized this . They weren 't my parents ; they couldn 't be , but they looked exactly like them . The door marked eight was across the room , behind the mutilated bodies in front of me . I knew I had to move on , but at that moment I gave up . The smiling faces tore into my mind ; they grounded me where I stood . I vomited again and nearly collapsed . Then the hum returned . It was louder than ever and it filled the house and shook the walls . The hum compelled me to walk . I began to walk slowly , making my way closer to the door and the bodies . I could barely stand , let alone walk , and the closer I got to my parents the closer I came to suicide . The walls were now shaking so hard it seemed as though they were going to crumble , but still the faces smiled at me . As I inched closer , their eyes followed me . I was now between the two bodies , a few feet away from the door . The dismembered hands clawed their way across the carpet towards me , all while the faces continued to stare . new terror washed over me and I walked faster . I didn 't want to hear them speak . I didn 't wan tht evoices to match those of my parents . They began to open their mouths and the hands were inches from my feet . In a dash of desperation , I lunged toward the door , threw it open , and slammed it behind me . Room eight . I was done . After what I had just experienced , I knew there wasn 't anything else this fucking house could throw at me that I couldn 't live through . there was nothing short of the fires of hell that I wasn 't ready for . Unfortunately , I underestimated the abilities of NoEnd House . Unfortunately , things got more disturbing , more terrifying , and more unspeakable in room eight . I still have trouble believing what I saw in room eight . Again , the room was a carbon copy of rooms four and six , but sitting in the usually empty chair was a man . After a few seconds of disbelief , my mind finally accepted the fact that the man sitting in the chair was me . Not someone who looked like me ; it was David Williams . I walked closer . I had to get a better look even though I was sure of it . He looked up at me and I noticed tears in his eyes . " Yes you are . . . " He was sobbing now . " You 're going to hurt me and I don 't want you to . " He sat in the chair with his legs up and began rocking back and forth . It was actually pretty pathetic looking , especially since he was me , identical in every way . " Listen , who are you ? " I was now only a few feet from my doppleganger . It was the weirdest experience yet , standing there talking to myself . I wasn 't scared , but I would be soon . " Why are you - " " Why are you saying this ? Just calm down , alright ? Let 's try and figure this - " And then I saw it . The David sitting down was wearing the same clothes as me , except for a small red patch on his shirt embroidered with the number nine . My eyes didn 't leave that small number on his chest . I knew exactly what it was . The first few doors were plain and simple , but after a while they got a little more ambiguous . Seven was scratched into the wall , but by my own hands . Eight was marked in blood above the bodies of my parents . But nine - this number was on a person , a living person . Worse still , it was on a person that looked exactly like me . " Yes . . . you 're going to hurt me you 're going to hurt me . . . " He continued to sob and rock . He answered to David . he was me , right down to the voice . But that nine . I paced around for a few minutes while he sobbed in his chair . The room had no door and , similarly to room six , the door I came through was gone . For some reason , I assumed that scratching would get me nowhere this time . I studied the walls and floor around the chair , sticking my head underneath and seeing if anything was below . Unfortunately , there was . Below the chair was a knife . Attached was a tag that read , " To David - From Management . " The feeling in my stomach as I read that tag was something sinister . I wanted to throw up and the last thing I wanted to do was remove that knife from under that chair . The other David was still sobbing uncontrollably . My mind was spinning into an attic of unanswerable questions . Who put this here and how did they get my name ? Not to mention the fact that as I knelt on the cold wood floor I also sat in that chair , sobbing in protest of being hurt by myself . It was all too much to process . The house and the management had been playing with me this whole time . My thoughts for some reason turned to Peter and whether or not he got this far . If he did , if he met a Peter Terry sobbing in this very chair , rocking back and forth . . . I shook those thoughts out of my head ; they didn 't matter . I took the knife from under the chair and immidately the other David went quiet . David was still sitting in the chair , though he was very calm now . He looked up at me with a slight grin . I couldn 't tell if he was going to laugh or strangle me . Slowly , he got up from the chair and stood , facing me . It was uncanny . His height and even the way he stood matched mine . I felt the rubber hilt of the knife in my hand and gripped it tighter . I don 't know what I was planning on doing with it , but I had a feeling I was going to need it . " Now , " his voice was slightly deeper than my own . " I 'm going to hurt you . I 'm going to hurt you and I 'm going to keep you here . " I didn 't respond . I just lunged and tackled him to the ground . I had mounted him and looked down , knife poised and ready . He looked up at me , terrified . It was like I was looking in a mirror . Then the hum returned , low and distant , though I still felt it deep in my body . David looked up at me as I looked down at myself . The hum was getting louder and I felt something inside me snap . With one motion , I slammed the knife into the patch on his chest and ripped down . Blackness fell on the room and I was falling . The darkness around me was like nothing I had experienced up to that point . Room three was dark , but it didn 't come close to what was completely engulfing me . I wasn 't even sure if I was falling after a while . I felt weightless , covered in dark . Then a deep sadness came over me . I felt lost , depressed , and suicidal . The sight of my parents entered my mind . I knew it wasn 't real , but I had seen it and the mind has trouble differentiating between what is real and what isn 't . The sadness only deepened . I was in room nine for what seemed like days . The final room . And that 's exactly what it was : the end . NoEnd House had an end and I had reached it . At that moment , I gave up . I knew I would be in that in - between state forever , accompanied by nothing but darkness . Not even the hum was there to keep me sane . I had lost all senses . I couldn 't feel myself . I couldn 't hear anything . Sight was completely useless here . I searched for a taste in my mouth and found nothing . I felt disembodied and completely lost . I knew where I was . This was hell . Room nine was hell . Then it happened . A light . One of those stereotypical lights at the end of the tunnel . I felt ground come up from below me and I was standing . After a moment or two of gathering my thoughts and senses , I slowly walked toward that light . As I approached the light , it took form . It was a vertical slit down the side of an unmarked door . I slowly walked through the door and found myself back where I started : the lobby of NoEnd House . It was exactly how I left it : still empty , still decorated with childish Halloween decorations . After everything that had happened that night , I was still wary of where I was . After a few moments of normalcy , I looked around the place trying to find anything different . On the desk was a plain white envelope with my name handwritten on it . Immensely curious , yet still cautious , I mustered up the courage to open the envelope . Inside was a letter , again handwritten . I couldn 't stop laughing . I laughed for what seemed like hours . I laughed as I walked out to my car and laughed as I drove home . I laughed as I pulled into my driveway . I laughed as I opened my front door to my house and laughed as I saw the small ten etched into the wood . I don 't even know why I 'm writing this . I can post this in a million different places , it won 't matter . There 's still nobody there to read it . Nobody left to hear my story . Yet this might be my last chance to do this , so I will . The feeling won 't go away . They 're watching . They 're watching and getting closer every second . They can feel my terror . And I know they 're enjoying it . It has been about four months since everyone disappeared . And I mean everyone . I woke up one morning for school . I immediately noticed the time . School started three hours ago . Must have just hit the alarm clock still half - asleep , and fallen right back to sleep . It happens to me sometimes . Why hadn 't my parents woken me up ? Probably just went to work early . The first time I started to notice was at the station . I usually take a train to school , since it 's the fastest way to get there . I hadn 't seen anyone on my way to the station , but I lived in a rather quiet area of the town , so going was slow at this time of the day . It happened , so I didn 't think much of it . When I arrived at the station , I noticed there was nobody there . It was odd . There should have been at least a few people waiting for the train , even at this time of the day . I shrugged it off as an exceptionally slow day . It happened sometimes , too . I waited for a good while , but the train didn 't come . I don 't remember how long I stood there , but I grew increasingly frustrated . I decided to walk to school . After all , it was only a twenty - minute walk if I did it fast enough , and I was late for the next lesson anyways . I didn 't see anyone on my way to school . Nor was there anyone in school . The school building was open , and lit . I still didn 't think much of it , the lessons were on anyways . But the classrooms were empty . Every single classroom in the whole building . Some doors were open , some closed . But there was nobody there . I tried the teacher 's lounge , and it was empty . I even recall the smell of fresh coffee in the room . I tried calling one of my friends to ask what was going on . No answer . The phone rang , but there just wasn 't any answer . I tried another . Same thing . I ended up going through every single person I know from school . No answer . I rushed to the shopping mall nearby . It was empty . The entire building , normally bustling with life , totally empty . The shops were open , the lights were on , the music was playing , the info screens were on . There just wasn 't anyone strolling around the mall , searching through the stores , manning the counters . I tried calling my parents . No answer . The whole day , I did not see a single living person . The only cars I saw were parked ones . There were no animals either . Everything was just dead quiet . But everything still worked . The shops were open , the lights were on , the TVs worked , there just wasn 't any program . Even the internet was there . Every site worked , every chatroom was open , there just wasn 't anyone there . I went nuts . I don 't remember much of the first days , what it was like . Just the feeling of unimaginable terror , loneliness . I didn 't sleep much , I didn 't eat at all . I just sat around my house , waiting for someone to come home , for someone to call me , to hear a car drive past , waiting for the dream to end . It never did . I eventually gathered myself . I told myself nobody was coming , and I had to get up and at least eat . And eat I did . I ate everything I could find , had the date expired or not . I ate and ate . And cried . I was alone . There was no sign , anywhere , that there 'd be a single living person anywhere else in the world . No TV - channels showed any program . Some just showed the same news screens over and over . Nothing in the internet updated . Nobody ever logged in anywhere . Nobody answered the phone . Yet , everything just kept working . The power never went out . The lights were always on . The traffic lights worked . The stores were open . Music played where it had always played . I eventually grew accustomed to it . It took a while , but I started going out . At first I tried visiting friends , look for people , anyone . I soon gave it up . Before long , I realized that I need more food than what we have at home . I started looting grocery stores . Just what I needed at first , then went to home , and ate it . Before long , I started looting other goodies . Candy . Drinks . Maybe a month was gone , and I had come to terms with my life , and the fact that there was nobody else in the world . So I made the most of my life . I started having fun , the kind of fun you 'd imagine doing if you had the whole world for yourself for one day . I pillaged through every store I could think of , stole everything I could get my hands on . I slept at beds in furniture stores , I played games with the biggest screens electronic stores had . I broke every fine piece of china I came across . I rampaged through malls , leaving behind a trail of destruction . I missed my old life , but made the best of this one . I was relaxing back home , listening through some albums I had brought home with me , when I suddenly heard a strange noise from outside . I can 't really describe it well . It was like something called for me . I 'm not even sure I really heard it . I just felt it . What I saw outside scared the life out of me . Someone - something . It was the shape of a man , yet it was somehow … wrong . It was entirely black . No , not just black . It seemed to suck the very light from the air around it . There were no features to be seen . No clothing , no hair , no facial features . It was just a black mass I somehow knew was something like a man . I couldn 't stare directly at it , yet I couldn 't take my eyes off it . Every second I stared at it , it came closer , yet it didn 't move . Every second I felt I got dragged closer to it , yet I stayed where I was . The only feature I could recognize was it 's eyes . Two green , shiny dots I knew were it 's eyes . I knew it , because no stare has ever been so piercing , so paralyzing , so dreadful . It felt like the stare itself sucked the very life out of me . I woke up . A day had passed , maybe two . I can 't remember for certain . I woke up , screaming , sweating , from my own bed . It was a dream . It had to be . I was alone . There was nobody else in the world , how could it have been anything other than a dream ? I went on . At first , the dream kept bothering me . It felt so real . Was it ? No , it couldn 't have been . With the days , the memory started to fade . The moment started feeling more and more dreamlike , so I thought nothing of it . I even laughed at myself for thinking it was anything else . Yet , there was a constant feeling of pressure in the air . It was like a coming storm that never came . Sometimes I barely noticed it , sometimes I couldn 't even think properly because of it . Yet , I went on living . Today it happened again . The feeling . It called to me , while I was drifting to sleep . It called to me , told me to come to the window . I was too afraid to move . Yet still , my legs slowly took me there . An unimaginable feeling of dread and despair came over me . Tears flowed from my eyes as my feet unwillingly took me to the window . There was nobody there . The street was as empty as always . Yet the feeling did not go away . I felt like there were a million eyes focused on me alone . They were there . They were staring . That was two hours ago . The calling stopped . The staring didn 't . I 'm writing this now , because I know it 's the last time I can . They 're drawing closer by the second . I 'm not even sure why I 'm writing this . Maybe there 's someone else like me in some corner of the world . Maybe someone can read this . I don 't care . I have to tell someone . Often referred to as its code name , the Buryman Script , the Buried Alive Model was to be found on the final story of the Pokémon Tower in the spot of what has been replaced with the Marowak ghost . According to the scripts assigned to it , the Buried Alive Model was intended to be the " boss " of the tower . Upon reaching the top floor , the following conversation would have taken place . After this , the battle would have been initiated . One in " battle view , " the Buried Alive Model appears to be a decaying human corpse attempting to crawl out of the ground . It has been programmed to have two White Hands , a Gengar , and a Muk . Strangely enough , a protocol for Buried Alive 's actions after defeat wasn 't written . In this ending , Buried Alive was to have stated , " Finally , fresh meat ! " followed by several lines of Gibberish . He was to have then dragged the player into the ground surrounding him . The scene would finish with a typical " Game Over " screen . However , in the background an image of Buried Alive devouring the player was to have been shown . Known in the code as WhitHand . gif , this was scripted to appear as a Pokémon on the third floor of the Lavender Tower . It is divided into four separate animations : an introduction ( the " cry " a Pokémon unleashes before a battle ) , an idle , and two attacks . These attacks are unknown , as they are listed simply as " Fist " and " Brutal . " The first attack is the hand balling into a fist and swinging forward . However , the " brutal " animation is missing several frames . The hand seems to open up , then cuts out . After a few seconds , it reappears , closed again . No record has been found of these missing frames . In 1983 , a team of deeply pious scientists conducted a radical experiment in an undisclosed facility . The scientists had theorized that a human without access to any senses or ways to perceive stimuli would be able to perceive the presence of God . They believed that the five senses clouded our awareness of eternity , and without them , a human could actually establish contact with God by thought . An elderly man who claimed to have " nothing to left to live for " was the only test subject to volunteer . To purge him of all his senses , the scientists performed a complex operation in which every sensory nerve connection to the brain was surgically severed . Although the test subject retained full muscular function , he could not see , hear , taste , smell , or feel . With no possible way to communicate with or even sense the outside world , he was alone with his thoughts . Scientists monitored him as he spoke aloud about his state of mind in jumbled , slurred sentences that he couldn 't even hear . After four days , the man claimed to be hearing hushed , unintelligible voices in his head . Assuming it was an onset of psychosis , the scientists paid little attention to the man 's concerns . Two days later , the man cried that he could hear his dead wife speaking with him , and even more , he could communicate back . The scientists were intrigued , but were not convinced until the subject started naming dead relatives of the scientists . He repeated personal information to the scientists that only their dead spouses and parents would have known . At this point , a sizable portion of scientists left the study . After a week of conversing with the deceased through his thoughts , the subject became distressed , saying the voices were overwhelming . In every waking moment , his consciousness was bombarded by hundreds of voices that refused to leave him alone . He frequently threw himself against the wall , trying to elicit a pain response . He begged the scientists for sedatives , so he could escape the voices by sleeping . This tactic worked for three days , until he started having severe night terrors . The subject repeatedly said that he could see and hear the deceased in his dreams . Only a day later , the subject began to scream and claw at his non - functional eyes , hoping to sense something in the physical world . The hysterical subject now said the voices of the dead were deafening and hostile , speaking of hell and the end of the world . At one point , he yelled " No heaven , no forgiveness " for five hours straight . He continually begged to be killed , but the scientists were convinced that he was close to establishing contact with God . After another day , the subject could no longer form coherent sentences . Seemingly mad , he started to bite off chunks of flesh from his arm . The scientists rushed into the test chamber and restrained him to a table so he could not kill himself . After a few hours of being tied down , the subject halted his struggling and screaming . He stared blankly at the ceiling as teardrops silently streaked across his face . For two weeks , the subject had to be manually rehydrated due to the constant crying . Eventually , he turned his head and , despite his blindness , made focused eye contact with a scientist for the first time in the study . He whispered " I have spoken with God , and he has abandoned us " and his vital signs stopped . There was no apparent cause of death . Posted by I was born in Mexico . My father was a goat farmer and my mother used to weave baskets so we could have at least two meals a day . We were very poor and my older siblings and I had the misfortune of being born in extreme weather . My oldest brother was born on the coldest day of winter , my elder sister in a spring deluge , and I in the thick of summer . Despite the fact that the 80s had brought advances in the standerd of living for the world 's citizens , it seemed to have forgotten us in our tiny two - bedroom cabin . When my father heard about the H1 - B Visa program through my uncle , he eagerly signed up . Every spring , he would go to work as a laborer on a pepper and tobacco farm in Texas . The work was hard , but the pay was good and he was always home in time for Christmas , so he didn 't complain . He was saving up money so we could emigrate to the United States , so he worked from 1988 until 1991 , saving what he could . He made sure not a penny was wasted , and on the long winter bus ride from the farm to Mexico , he would sleep so the hunger pangs would not bother him . He doesn 't usually talk much about his days as a migrant worker , but he did tell us that one day , in the winter of 1989 , he couldn 't sleep . The bus had made a rest stop near a small taco stand . The tacos smelled wonderful and everyone on the bus formed a long line towards the taco stand , eager and salivating . The man behind the small dirty counter was very friendly , he said , but there was something a little ' off ' about him . The man scooped out the steaming , spiced meat onto fresh , piping hot , flour tortillas like a machine , taking the money in one hand and serving up a big loaded plate with the other . The next winter , the bus again made a rest stop at the man 's taco stand . Again , the passengers formed a long line along with other people . They had become addicted , they said . Every year , they waited impatiently to return to this small , dingy taco stand . My father , of course , stayed on the bus . He was used to the feeling of hunger ; he lived with it throughout his childhood , so he would surely survive . Again , he slept , dreaming of a big bowl of my mother 's chicken soup with a side of hot corn tortillas ( which we could afford by then ) . The next spring , he left again . It wasn 't a very good year ; the weather was horrible and the crop yield was so low that the farm had no choice but to let the workers go home a month early . My father said that the fellow workers were abuzz with excitement . They didn 't have to eat their tacos in the cold this year . the men eagerly counted the number of miles , their excitement mounting as they drew closer to the rest stop . Three more miles . . . Two more miles . . . One more mile . . . until they finally reached the spot where the man had his taco stand . But then , nothing . There was no sign of the stand or the man with his big steel pot of delicious , sweet deer meat . The only person there was an old woman selling papier - mâché frogs and piñatas . The workers demanded to know what had happened to the man with the deer tacos . Had he moved to another location ? Did he open up a restaraunt ? What happened ? " He was arrested two months ago . A lot of the local farmers and various other men started to go missing in his village and the police were completely dumbfounded . A small rumor was going around that the local butcher - the taco man , as you know him - could be involved . The police had no other leads and decided to follow up on that . What they saw shook them beyond beli - " She was cut off by a man asking , " And what about the deer tacos ? When he gets out of jail , will he start making and selling them again ? " Oh , he won 't be leaving his cell for a long time . You see , he wasn 't very well liked in his village . Venado was a nickname that he used to refer to his enemies . " Ever since my dad left , my mom has been serving up " special meat . " She said that daddy was giving it to us and I should never look in the fridge in the basement . Needless to say , I got incredibly curious . One night , at around midnight , I snuck into the basement and looked in the fridge . What I saw there haunts me to this day . It was none other than my father , with cube neatly sliced out of his torso and limbs . I screamed , waking up my mom . She instantly knew what I had done and ran up to the kitchen to grab her cleaver . I , on the other hand , was too stunned to move until my mom came into the basement . She was swinging the cleaver like a maniac , all the while trying to coax me to stop running . " It 's okay , " she goaded in that motherly voice . After running in circles around the house many times , I realized my mom had locked the door at some point . Inevitably , she caught me . She pinned me to the ground and started chopping off my limbs , one by one . The next day , I was sitting in a wheelchair , all bandaged up . My mom once muttered , " Now you know , " but I didn 't question it . Calling it a creepy story would be kind of an insult . This is an expression of gratitute toward a friend - a friend that was always there for me . He watched over me when I was growing up and was the best friend any kid could have , even if I didn 't realize it at the time . He was always there , even though I couldn 't see him . He was always acting in my best interests , even if I couldn 't understand it . I 'd like to take some time to share with you our story , because if you 're lucky you might have a friend like this too . I bought a new computer back in May 2010 and took my old computer to the store to have everything backed up . When I took my new computer home , I set everything up and began restoring my files from my portable hard drive . While I was installing some programs , I noticed a file in the Misc folder the technician at the shop made for files that didn 't really belong anywhere . The file was called " HappyBirthdayBaby . txt " . You might find this one day . I 'm not great at this computer stuff , but I 've watched you tinkering with this machine lately and I think I know how to save this so you 'll find it . Seeing as it 's time for me to go , I want to leave you this last little message . I know you never met your father , but to me he was Col . Marcus Andrew Stadtfield . As I 'm sure your mother told you , he was a good man . He had the pride of a lion , the strength of a bear , and a heart of pure gold . Truth is , I was almost like his son way before you were born . I was his second in command and served with him for three years . I watched as your mother wept when she heard the news , her belly swolen with your soon - to - be debut into this world . I stayed with her every second of every day until the day you came into the world . After that , my focus shifted to you personally . I watched as they cleaned you and handed you to your mother . She seemed to look right at me with a knowing eye as I stood over the both of you , almost as if she knew all along . I 'd be willing to bet my last penny she did at that time . I 've watched you grow ; I remember everything , even the things you don 't . You were such a happy baby . You seemed to have inherited your father 's sense of humor , as when you were getting to be four months old you would do just about everything to hinder your mother 's attempts at changing you , laughing all the way . You were a wild one at heart , just as you are today . When you were about six months old , we used to play all the time . We had a game where I would grab your toes and tickle your belly ; you would have a great time . When your mother came in , I 'd have to stop and it always perplexed her as to why you 'd start crying . She seemed to think you didn 't like her , which is when I realized I had to back away some . But hey , I knew it was because you didn 't want the fun to end . When you were a year old , you seemed to develop a sixth sense for me . Although you couldn 't really see me so well anymore , you knew I was there . I couldn 't play with you much because I knew it would only hurt you in the long run , but I always kept guard . However , I knew you remembered seeing me because you had a way of testing my presence . You 'd throw toys into the corner where I stood and waited to see if I would play with them . Now , I know you won 't remember , but once you threw a bear and a rag doll at me . Because your mother was busy in the kitchen , making dinner , I kept you entertained by putting on a little show . It wasn 't anything special , all I did was make them dance a little . You were laughing loud and your mom came to see what was so funny , but when she saw what she saw , she wasn 't laughing . I bet you could mention the bear and rag doll dance and the color would run right out of her cheeks . Do me a favor and don 't , though ; I think it would be much kinder to ask if you ever threw the toys into the corner . That isn 't so much a bad memory for her than the dancing . Do you remember your first word ? I do . " Love . " Haha . Your mother made damned well sure you knew just how much you were cherished by her . Every moment of every day she would always say " Love you , baby . " I remember you tugging my heart strings something awful once , when your mother was changing you in the bathroom this one time . You seemed to have caught my reflection in the mirror . You pointed and said " Love . " Your mother laughed and affirmed it . It was your only word for a time , but as I walked out of the reflection you started getting restless and I knew again that I had to be more stealthy . You were growing more and more every day . I couldn 't afford to break my promise to your father , which is why I had to step back further . I broke the rules many time to protect you . That promise to your father was everything to me . I remember when you were three and had mastered walking . You were a regular little scout . Haha . You could never keep still . Those little legs opened up a whole other world to you and you weren 't shy at all about exploring it . One day you were with your mother in the market and a lady with a shiny purse caught your eye . You went running after her . This other woman was running with her trolley in front of her , coming the other way , and didn 't spot you . Because you were running after the purse , you didn 't spot her either . Breaking the rules wasn 't allowed , but allowing you to get hurt wasn 't allowed either . When you noticed her , it was too late . You fell on your ass before you could scamper out of her way . Not having any other option , I sent that trolley flying into the side of a freezer . As it crashed , that woman screamed bloody murder . " A - A - A MAN IN A UNIFORM ! " You giggled as the crowd gathered and your mother came running . When she found you at that scene , you were safe and sound . You pointed to the trolley that had smashed the window to the freezer and you know what you said ? " Love mommy . " Though I had to hide myself and was shamed for creating such a scene out in the open , I was laughing too . As you grew and became more aware , so did I . I knew when I could and couldn 't intervene . Doing too much would hurt the both of us , so I picked my moments . You were a smart kid just like your father and most of the time knew how to handle any and every situation . If there was an option , you took it . Though I slipped up a few times while you were growing up , I think I did well to keep an eye on you . It was just little things to make your life a little easier , things you probably won 't remember : putting your piano music sheets in your bag at night , turning off your television when you fell asleep , pulling the sheets over you on the colder nights , sorting your drawers , setting your alarm clock , closing your window and door , etc . . . You caught me doing one or two of these things a few times and I want to take the time toapologize for scaring you . This one time , you were doing your homework at your desk and fell asleep , so I filled in all the answers for your math quiz . You made such a fuss to your mother about how strict the teacher was about homework and I knew you knew the answers anyway , but you suspected more than ever when you woke up and found that half a sheet you left was done . You were older and forgotten that we were friends . Things you saw in the media about ghosts scared you and had every right to be scared . I just want to say I 'm sorry . I never meant to make you cry . If only I had taken a little extra care , you 'd never have known . I just wanted to keep you safe and happy . As you matured , you began to take form as a young lady . As such , you began to know the evil of men . Though you had your wits about you , you were always taking stupid risks . Watching over you became a little more of a worry for me and I had to expose myself more and more . Most notably was that night when that no good boy you brought home started putting the moves on you when your mother went to work . He was only after one thing and , although I knew it wasn 't my place to choose for you , you were still only a baby girl , just fifteen years old . As he got on top of you and started undressing you , took his top off and began saying those sweet nothings . . . your face said it all . You were scared . When you told him to stop , he wouldn 't . When you tried to push him off , he got angry , struck you , and tried to put his hand up your skirt . All the evil I kept inside of me came out at that moment and it was something I couldn 't control . My temper and rage boiled over as I began to growl . The lights started flickering . The TV volume began to rise . The doors and windows bashed . The keys on your piano began to rattle . With your father 's roar , I yelled , " GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE , BOY ! ! ! " As he ran out of the room , you tried to follow , but I slammed the door in your face and wouldn 't let the handle go until your mother pulled up in the driveway . I 'm so sorry that whole thing traumatized you for a while . You became more frightened of me than ever , having such an experience . I knew from then on , despite how much I loved you , we could never be friends . Not after what I 'd done . Some nights , you used to sit awake to watch for me . I 'd have to sit in the darkest corner , looking right back at you , unable to reassue you that I wasn 't here to cause you harm . You used to scream " I HATE YOU ! GET OUT ! LEAVE ME ALONE ! " Just as you used to do as a toddler , you threw things into my corner . Instead of toys for me to play with , this time it was heavy books , cd cases , and just about anything else you could get your hands on to get me to move . You used to sit in your bed watching that corner . I always felt terrible about what I did . I 'd almost broken that promise to your father . More importantly , I 'd almost broken my personal promise I 'd made to you , too . It was like that until the night you tried to make peace with me . That night , you sat in your bed and said " If you 're here , I 'm sorry . You were only trying to stop him . " I wanted to say something , but I couldn 't , even as you shuffled around nervously . " You 're here , right ? Could you show me a sign ? " I wanted so badly to give you something , anything to show you I was there and heard that , but I kept silent and just nodded . I feared you would lose it if I gave you a sign . You have to know , I was never mad at you . You were just a girl and that little prick tipped me over the edge . Promise me you 'll never do anything like that again , okay ? It 's your eighteenth birthday today , which is why I 'm writing this to you . I want to wish you a happy birthday . I 'm sure your dad 's getting sick of keeping that bar stool open for me , though . Live a good life and try not to forget about me . Know you turned out great . Your father would be so proud of you . This letter is my present to you . Don 't you worry about the spooky corner anymore . My last order is complete . I don 't know about you , but I think this trooper deserves a drink ; you were such a handful . Haha ! I was gobsmacked when I read this letter ; everything made so much sense now . All the things that happened when I was growing up . . . I always thought I was seeing things until the day my boyfriend at the time almost raped me . I 'll be the first to admit I was scared of him . I didn 't understand what he was , why he was there , or what he was after , but I got it all wrong . A few days after reading , I asked my mom a few questions about the spooky things that happened when I was growing up . She was very nonchalant about it until I mentioned what happened in the market . She stopped cleaning , set down her cloth , turned to me , and smiled . She said , " You always had a guardian angel watching over you , honey . I don 't know if it was your father or not , but who or whatever it was made sure nothing bad happened to you . " She turned around and began cleaning the dishes again before asking , " So I guess you met it then , right ? Your spirit friend . " " Not exactly . " I replied . " He left something for me . " I went upstairs , brought the laptop down , and showed her the letter . My mother was crying by the time she finished . Afterward , she told me about my dad 's friend . " He was a kind boy . Marc brought him home once to meet me and he had a certain air about him . He was as loyal as a dog to your father . He had a love and respect for him that even I was intimidated by at times . When he came to our home on leave , Marcus had to practically order him to make himself at home . He eve had to be asked to take his uniform off . He looked up to Marcus almost like a boy looks up to his father . I don 't really know his background , but I remember your father telling me he was a good drinking partner , a fine soldier , and an invaluable friend . " " They found that poor boy and Marcus all alone in a building that had been overrun by their enemy . They were out on recon and their team got separated when they came under fire . The rest of the boys in your father 's team survived , but those two weren 't so lucky . The way they found them was peculiar . " As she choked back tears , she looked me right in the eye and continued . " That boy was found right on top of your father , riddled with bullets . He was shielding him right up until the moment he died . He could have gotten away , but he refused to leave your injured father 's side . " With that , we both burst into tears . Love . That 's exactly what he was . He was a guardian . I had no reason to be afraid of him . I 'd have given anything just to tell him I was sorry and I loved him back . I had no right , with all the terrible things I did to him at the end . I realized that he loved my father so much , not even death could keep him from the promise he mentioned in the letter . When I asked what the promise was , my mother looked at me with tears in her eyes . " It was made in this very house while they were setting up your room . It was simply : ' No matter what happens , promise me you 'll watch over my daughter . ' " Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
My family and I recently moved into a new house , and as I did most of the moving things around , I ended up putting some boxes in this small three by three little storage area that could be accessed inside the back of the upstairs closet , which was in the bathroom . It stretched about twenty feet along the side of the house , and had wood flooring and a single bare light bulb on the wall near the entrance . When I first entered this little cubby , I couldn 't help but notice the dead ants . There were at least one hundred of them , just laying all about the floor , more condensed against the farthest wall . I instantly felt cold , and had a sense that someone was near me . " Hello . . I just moved in . Nice to meet you . " I don 't know why I said it , I just felt like it . I didn 't get a response , of course , and went about my business . After a few weeks , I couldn 't help but notice that same presence every time I went into that bathroom , which was pretty often . One day , I decided that I should do something with it . This was also the day I found my plastic owl . I 'd been on / x / a lot lately , and reading about different things like summoning spirits , manipulating energy , and other weird stuff . I decided to blend some concepts , and in an attempt to astral travel , I met the presence from my bathroom . I asked him if he could at times possess my owl and face towards malicious spirits that entered my bedroom , and in return I would do whatever I could to help him out . He instantly pushed me into my body , which startled me a lot , and I awoke to find my owl staring directly at me from my dresser across the room . " GET OUT OF HERE , I ' M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ! " I practiaclly yelled this into the open air , and right before my eyes the owl turned to the window , and then back to its normal position facing straight back to the wall across from it . I assumed this was the position it would take when no bad spirits were present , and made note of that . It worked . I couldn 't believe it at first , but it actually worked . " Thank you , I won 't let you down . You have my word . " I don 't know if the spirit ever heard . I decided to name him Nighteye , since I had been playing Oblivion a lot lately , and owls can obviously see well at night . I liked it . Over the next few weeks , Nighteye always looked a certain way , and then I told whatever was there to leave . I don 't know why that worked , I just supposed bad spirits didn 't like being found out . And if I 'm not afraid of them , what do they have to gain ? I always knew when Nighteye found one of the bad spirits , which I called wisps ( more Oblivion , as it seemed appropriate ) , because he turned quickly , making an eerie creaking noise from the plastic scraping the wooden dresser top . The noise bothered me at first , but after a while it didn 't any more , and it even became almost comforting . Almost . I don 't know if I 'm crazy . I 've thought about it , but never come to a conclusion . I saw these things happen , so I believed they were real . Sometimes I questioned it , it didn 't make any sense . But I decided in the end it didn 't matter . After a while , I began speaking to Nighteye . He never responded , of course , but I believed he heard me . I would just talk about my day at work , how the weather was weird , about a cute girl I saw earlier , just anything . I spoke to him like I would a friend . I considered him a friend . We helped each other out , didn 't we ? Sometimes I would go astral , and I 'd see him . But for some reason every time I did , he 'd push my back into my body right away . I would ask why , but the only thing I ever got for an answer was a whispered " not yet . . " that I would only realize I heard upon waking up . I didn 't know what he meant by that , but he was helping me , right ? After a while , not a lot of wisps showed up anymore . After all , I lived in a relatively small mountain town , and how many wisps could be wandering around this small place ? I was happy . I don 't know if the wisps ever did anything to me before I did all this , but I was generally happier , it seemed . I always made sure to tell Nighteye how much I appreciated what he was doing for me , and that I promised I would make it up to him . After I while I began to think , how could I do something to help a spirit from my closet ? I couldn 't think of an answer , and it began to worry me . I thought about it more and more , becoming less focused at work and whenever I played games or did anything . I would be happy and fine , and then I would remember . It was like the thought appeared in my mind on its own . Was Nighteye doing this ? Did he want to make sure I didn 't forget ? For a whole week , no wisps showed up at all . Each day that one didn 't appear , I began to worry more and more . I wasn 't really afraid of anything , but with every day , the terror that had begun to grow in the pit of my stomach began to grow . On the night of the seventh day that no wisps came to my room , I didn 't go to sleep for a long time . I didn 't even remember work , and as soon as I got home I just laid in bed for hours . It must have been around 3 in the morning when I finally fell asleep . I remember I was dreaming , I don 't know what about , but it was very pleasant . I remember feeling content and happy , more so than I had ever been . Suddenly I was ripped from my body , thrown into being astral . This wasn 't right , as I looked down at my body . Any time I had gone astral , I did it willingly , and knew ahead of time it was happening . I didn 't do this . I turned from my happily sleeping body , and faced directly at Nighteye . He wasn 't in the owl anymore . " What are you doing ? " I managed to think to him . " You promised to help me " was all he said , and he kept repeating it , over and over . Each time he said it , he moved closer to me . He seemed angry at first , but with each repeated statement , he began to sound sad . Why was he sad ? I felt a tugging at the back of my head , and remembered the tether . I made a chain of sorts , and attached it from my real body 's head to my spirit 's . I didn 't know if it actually did anything , but it made me feel secure . Whenever it tugged at me , I knew . I wanted to go back to my body , and my body wanted me back . I turned to face Nighteye again , and he was very close now , and sounded very sad . I didn 't know what to do , and I couldn 't move . " You promised you would help me . . " The thought echoed through my being . He was right in front of me now , and I was more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life . Suddenly Nighteye hugged me , and as I looked over his shoulder , my eyes fixed onto the eyes of my plastic owl . They were staring directly at me . I felt a strange releasing sensation , and I knew right away what had happened . Nighteye had severed my chain . I spun around as fast as I could , but there was nothing I could do . Nighteye pushed me hard , and as I flew backwards through the walls of my room , my bathroom , and into the closet , I saw him lower into my body . I 'm not sure what happened to me then , I know I lost it though . My mind had been broken from despair and confusion . How can I lose my body ? What will happen to me now ? These thoughts enveloped me , as I sunk into the far end of the cubby in the back of the closet . I was in a deep depression and all I could do was sit there and cry , and think . Think . Think . I never slept , only my body could . I missed sleeping . Time began to not matter to me . At some point , the light turned on . It was blinding at first , but I adjusted eventually . When I could see again , I saw the boxes of things I had put in the cubby . But they looked different than I remembered , they seemed unfamiliar . I must have forgotten things from the material world , since they had no reason to matter to me anymore . I heard some shuffling and sliding . My body was going through some things , perhaps ? My sadness began to fade instantly at the memories forced into my mind , and it turned instead into a boiling rage . What right did he have to do things with my body ? I stood up suddenly , spreading my presence in the cubby , filling it with my cold rage . My body looked up and glanced around , and appeared to shiver . It seemed sincerely afraid . He should be ! I will make him pay , I thought to myself . I continued to look at him and imagine the things I would do if I had real hands . My body looked strange , unfamiliar . The boxes were one thing , but had I forgotten even my own body ? It was no longer mine , I supposed . I can 't do anything now , I thought . I filled again with sorrow , and sat . My body left , apparently done with whatever it was doing . I had to do something , but what could I do like this ? I began to form a plan . A very dark plan . I began to act out my dark plan immediately . I would have my revenge . Since time was no longer relevant to me , I had developed an incredible patience . Over the next few weeks , I began to show him as best as I could that I was there . I wanted him to realize I was still around . He must have realized he would have to deal with me sooner or later , for after a few more weeks he went astral himself and summoned me . He spoke to me as if we had never met , and asked if I could do a favor for him . Did he not remember ? Had he seriously forgotten what he had done to me ? He asked me to stay in my very own owl , how ironic ! I was amused at this point with his faulty memory . I would play his silly game , I thought to myself . Over the next few weeks , I acted as his ' ghostcrow ' , pointing to bad spirits that came into the room . He would yell things at them , and they didn 't understand . I told them to go scare someone else , that I had much darker intentions for this one . They shrugged and left . And he thought he made them leave ! Pompous fool . I would have my revenge , when the time was right . Sometimes he would go astral himself , a ballsy move in my opinion . But I couldn 't win that easily . I needed more time , I wanted him to suffer . I would push him back into my body , and tell him " Not yet , not yet . . . " each time . He seemed confused . How could he not remember ? I didn 't understand how he could forget the awful thing he had done to me . Over time , he began to talk to me . He must be crazy , I thought . He must be taunting me . But he couldn 't be , if he had forgotten . . Something seemed strange . I didn 't understand what was going on , but I didn 't care anymore . I was so full of anger and rage that nothing could phase me now . Over time , less bad spirits came , since they all knew me by now , and knew it was futile to try anything . That only made things easier for me . After all , my plan was perfect . When I agreed to help him out , I had made him promise to help me in return . He didn 't seem to mind . He must have truly forgotten , I began to think . That would make this so much sweeter when he did finally remember . Over the course of a week of no bad spirits showing up at all , he began to become terrified . I could see it in the way he acted , the way he seemed less interested in what he was doing . I kept pressing my thoughts onto him , trying to remind him of his promise . I didn 't want him to forget . No , this he would remember . Seven days after no bad spirits had shown up at all , I decided it was time . I could wait , but why ? He was scared out of his mind , and I wanted revenge . I entered his mind as he was sleeping , peacefully for once . I suddenly felt very peaceful and happy , like I hadn 't felt since I had my body . It was a familiar feeling . He was running through a field of flowers , holding hands with a cute girl . She looked familiar . They were young , this must have been a couple years ago . But he didn 't have my body then , why would he have this memory ? Why did she look so familiar ? My thoughts bothered me , and I decided action was the best course , I would not forget what I had come here to do . I backed away from my body and his mind , grabbing firmly ahold of his spirit as I exited . I had ripped him straight away from my body , and backed away a bit to watch his horror unfold at what I was about to do to him . I was so angry , remembering what he had done to me . This was my moment . He was confused and scared , and I relished in it . " You promised you would help me . " I said to him , and I repeated it . I wanted him to remember everything . I kept repeating the phrase and moving closer to him each time I said it . But I couldn 't stop thinking about that happy feeling in the dream , the cute girl that seemed familiar . Why was she so familiar ? I kept repeating myself , trying to keep my mind away from those thoughts I didn 't understand , but I didn 't feel very angry anymore . I felt sad , and I wasn 't sure why . I didn 't want my sadness to reflect in my speech , but I couldn 't help it . As I moved closer to him , I noticed he had placed a chain connecting his spirit to my body . Familiar . Why ? I remembered the girl . I knew her . I remembered the happy feeling . It was my feeling . The memories came rushing back to me all at once , and I knew instantly what was happening . This wasn 't Nighteye I had brought forth . It was me , and I was Nighteye . I was very sad , because I knew I had to continue . It was my body , and what would happen if I didn 't take it back ? I became completely anguished as I approached myself , knowing what I was about to make myself experience . I couldn 't tell him though , I couldn 't explain . I just kept repeating myself , letting him know just how sorry I was for what I was doing through inflection . I didn 't know how I could possibly console him , and now that I was immediately in front of him , I did the only thing I could think to do . I hugged him , and knew that he looked over my shoulder . And I knew what he saw . It was the eyes of the owl . I was the bad spirit they pointed at . I reached around his head , and severed the chain . He turned to face me , and I swear I have never seen such sorrow or fear . But I knew he would be ok in the end . I pushed him as hard as I could , wishing him the best , and sank slowly into my body , enveloped in sadness . Suddenly , I felt warm and happy , like I had before , and I awoke in a field full of flowers . " I 'm back here ? " I said aloud , and a girl appeared at my side . She offered me her hand , and said " Where were you ? We have to go home now . " " Oh . . ok . It 's so nice here though . . " I replied . " I know , but we have to go . We have to go . . . " She repeated that over and over as she pulled me away , and the field began to fade . I awoke suddenly in my bed , drenched in sweat , but feeling completely at peace . I felt like I had been asleep for a very long time . Oh well , I thought to myself , as I got up and began a new day . We were friends in college and continued to be after I graduated . Notice that I said " I " . He dropped out after two years of barely cutting it . After I moved out of the dorms and into a small apartment , I didn 't see Peter as much . We would talk online every now and then ( AIM was king in pre - Facebook years ) . There was a period where he wasn 't online for about five weeks straight . I wasn 't worried . He was a pretty notorious flake and drug addict , so I assumed he just stopped caring . Then one night I saw him log on . Before I could initiate a conversation , he sent me a message . That was when he told me about the NoEnd House . It got that name because no one had ever reached the final exit . The rules were pretty simple and cliche : reach the final room of the building and you win $ 500 . There were nine rooms in all . The house was located outside the city , roughly four miles from my house . Apparently Peter had tried and failed . He was a heroin and who - knows - what - the - fuck addict , so I figured the drugs got the best of him and he wigged out at a paper ghost or something . He told me it would be too much for anyone . That it was unnatural . I didn 't believe him . I told him I would check it out the next night and no matter how hard he tried to convince me otherwise , $ 500 sounded too good to be true . I had to go . I set out the following night . When I arrived , I immediately noticed something strange about the building . Have you ever seen or read something that shouldn 't be scary , but for some reason a chill crawls up your spine ? I walked toward the building and the feeling of uneasiness only intensified as I opened the front door . My heart slowed and I let a relieved sigh leave me as I entered . The room looked like a normal hotel lobby decorated for Halloween . A sign was posted in place of a worker . It read , " Room 1 this way . Eight more follow . Reach the end and you win ! " I chuckled and made my way to the first door . The first area was almost laughable . The decor resembled the Halloween aisle of a K - Mart , complete with sheet ghosts and animatronic zombies that gave a static growl when you passed by . At the far end was an exit ; it was the only door besides the one I entered through . I brushed through the fake spider webs and headed for the second room . I was greeted by fog as I opened the door to room two . The room definitely upped the ante in terms of technology . Not only was there a fog machine , but a bat hung from the ceiling and flew in a circle . Scary . They seemed to have a Halloween soundtrack that one would find in a 99 cent store on loop somewhere in the room . I didn 't see a stereo , but I guessed they must have used a PA system . I stepped over a few toy rats that wheeled around and walked with a puffed chest across to the next area . I reached for the doorknob and my heart sank to my knees . I did not want to open that door . A feeling of dread hit me so hard I could barely even think . Logic overtook me after a few terrified moments , and I shook it off and entered the next room . On the surface , it looked like a normal room . There was a chair in the middle of the wood paneled floor . A single lamp in the corner did a poor job of lighting the area , and it cast a few shadows across the floor and walls . That was the problem . Shadows . Plural . With the exception of the chair 's , there were others . I had barely walked in the door and I was already terrified . It was at that moment that I knew something wasn 't right . I didn 't even think as I automatically tried to open the door I came through . It was locked from the other side . That set me off . Was someone locking the doors as I progressed ? There was no way . I would have heard them . Was it a mechanical lock that set automatically ? Maybe . But I was too scared to really think . I turned back to the room and the shadows were gone . The chair 's shadow remained , but the others were gone . I slowly began to walk . I used to hallucinate when I was a kid , so I wrote off the shadows as a figment of my imagination . I began to feel better as I made it to the halfway point of the room . I looked down as I took my steps and that 's when I saw it . Or didn 't see it . My shadow wasn 't there . I didn 't have time to scream . I ran as fast as I could to the other door and flung myself without thinking into the room beyond . The fourth room was possibly the most disturbing . As I closed the door , all light seemed to be sucked out and put back into the previous room . I stood there , surrounded by darkness , and couldn 't move . I 'm not afraid of the dark and never have been , but I was absolutely terrified . All sight had left me . I held my hand in front of my face and if I didn 't know what I was doing so I would never have been able to tell . Darkness doesn 't describe it . I couldn 't hear anything . It was dead silence . When you 're in a sound - proof room , you can still hear yourself breathing . You can hear yourself being alive . I couldn 't . I began to stumble forward after a few moments , my rapidly beating heart the only thing I could fee . There was no door in sight . Wasn 't even sure there was one this time . The silence was then broken by a low hum . I felt something behind me . I spun around wildly but could barely even see my nose . I knew it was there though . Regardless of how dark it was , I knew something was there . The hum grew louder , closer . It seemed to surround me , but I knew whatever was causing the noise was in front of me , inching closer . I took a step back ; I had never felt that kind of fear . I can 't really describe true fear . I wasn 't even scared I was going to die ; I was scared of what the alternative was . I was afraid of what this thing had in store for me . Then the lights flashed for a second and I saw it . Nothing . I saw nothing and I know I saw nothing there . The room was again plunged into darkness and the hum was now a wild screech . I screamed in protest ; I couldn 't hear this goddamn sound for another minute . I ran backwards , away from the noise , and fumbled for the door handle . I turned and fell into room five . Before I describe room five , you have to understand something . I am not a drug addict . I have had no history of drug abuse or any sort of psychosis short of the childhood hallucinations I mentioned earlier , and those were only when I was really tired or just waking up . I entered the NoEnd House with a clear head . After falling in from the previous room , my view of room five was from my back , looking up at the ceiling . What I saw didn 't scare me , it simply surprised me . Trees had grown into the room and towered above my head . The ceilings in this room were taller than the others , which made me think I was in the center of the house . I got up off the floor , dusted myself off , and took a look around . It was definitely the biggest room of them all . I couldn 't even see the door from where I was ; various brush and trees must have blocked my line of sight with the exit . Up to this point I figured the rooms were going to get scarier , but this was a paradise compared to the last room . I also assumed whatever was in room four stayed back there . I was incredibly wrong . As I made my way deeper into the room , I began to hear what one would hear if they were in a forest ; chirping bugs and the occasional flap of birds seemed to be my only company in this room . That was the thing that bothered me the most . I heard the bugs and other animals , but I didn 't see any of them . I began to wonder how big this house was . From the outside when I first walked up to it , it looked like a regular house . It was definitely on the bigger side , but this was almost a full forest in here . The canopy covered my view of the ceiling , but I assumed it was still there , however high it was . I couldn 't see any walls , either . The only way I knew I was still inside was the floor matched the other rooms : the standard dark wood paneling . I kept walking , hoping that the next tree I passed would reveal the door . After a few moments of walking , I felt a mosquito fly onto my arm . I shook it off and kept going . A second later , I felt about ten more land on my skin at different places . I felt them crawl up and down my arms and legs , and a few made their way across my face . I flailed wildly to get them all off , but they just kept crawling . I looked down and let out a muffled scream - more of a whimper , to be honest . I didn 't see a single bug . Not one bug was on me , but I could feel them crawl . I heard them fly by my face and sting my skin , but I couldn 't see a single one . I dropped to the ground and began to roll wildly . I was desperate . I hated bugs , especially ones I couldn 't see or touch . But these bugs could touch me and they were everywhere . I began to crawl . I had no idea where I was going ; the entrance was nowhere in sight and I still hadn 't even seen the exit . So I just crawled , my skin wriggling with the presence of those phantom bugs . After what seemed like hours , I found the door . I grabbed the nearest tree and propped myself up , mindlessly slapping my arms and legs to no avail . I tried to run , but I couldn 't ; my body was exhausted from crawling and dealing with whatever it was that was on me . I took a few shaky steps to the door , grabbing each tree on the way for support . It was only a few feet away when I heard it . The low hum from before . It was coming from the next room and it was deeper . I could almost feel it inside my body , like when you stand next to an amp at a concert . The feeling of the bugs on me lessened as the hum grew louder . As I placed my hand on the doorknob , the bugs were completely gone but I couldn 't bring myself to turn the knob . I knew that if I let go , the bugs would return and there was no way I would make it back to room four . I just stood there , my head pressed against the door marked six and my hand shakily grasping the knob . The hum was so loud I couldn 't even hear myself pretend to think . There was nothing I could do but move on . Room six was next , and room six was hell . I closed the door behind me , my eyes held shut and my ears ringing . The hum was surrounding me . As the door clicked into place , the hum was gone . I opened my eyes in surprise and the door I had shut was gone . It was just a wall now . I looked around in shock . The room was identical to room three - the same chair and lamp - but with the correct amount of shadows this time . The only real difference was that there was no exit door and the one I came in through was gone . As I said before , I had no previous issues in terms of mental instability , but at that moment I fell into what I now know was insanity . I didn 't scream . I didn 't make a sound . At first I scratched softly . The wall was tough , but I knew the door was there somewhere . I just knew it was . I scratched at where the doorknob was . I clawed at the wall frantically with both hands , my nails being filed down to the skin against the wood . I fell silently to my knees , the only sound in the room the incessant scratching against the wall . I knew it was there . The door was there , I knew it was just there . I knew if I could just get past this wall - There was a little girl . She was wearing a soft , white dress that went down to her ankles . She had long blonde hair to the middle of her back and white skin and blue eyes . She was the most frightenin gthing I had ever seen , and I know that nothing in my life will ever be as unnerving as what I saw in her . While looking at her , I saw something else . Where she stood I saw what looked like a man 's body , only larger than normal and covered in hair . He was naked from head to toe , but his head was not human and his toes were hooves . It wasn 't the devil , but at that moment it might as well have been . The form had the head of a ram and the snout of a wolf . It was horrifying and it was synonymous with the little girl in front of me . They were the same form . I can 't really describe it , but I saw them at the same time . They shared the same spot in that room , but it was like looking at two separate dimensions . When I saw the girl I saw the form , and when I saw the form I saw the girl . I couldn 't speak . I could barely even see . My mind was revolting against what it was attempting to process . I had been scared before in my life and I had never been more scared than when I was trapped in the fourth room , but that was before room six . I just stood there , staring at whatever it was that spoke to me . There was no exit . I was trapped here with it . And then it spoke again . When it spoke , I heard the words of the little girl , but the other form spoke through my mind in a voice I won 't attempt to describe . There was no other sound . The voice just kept repeating that sentence over and over in my mind and I agreed . I didn 't know what to do . I was slipping into madness , yet couldn 't take my eyes off what was in front of me . I dropped to the floor . I thought I had passed out , but the room wouldn 't let me . I just wanted it to end . I was on my side , my eyes wide open and the form staring down at me . Scurrying across the floor in front of me was one of the battery - powered rats from the second room . The house was toying with me . But for some reason , seeing that rat pulled my mind back from whatever depths it was headed and I looked around the room . I was getting out of there . I was determined to get out of that house and live and never think about this place again . I knew this room was hell and I wasn 't ready to take up a residency . At first , it was just my eyes that moved . I searched the walls for any kind of opening . The room wasn 't that big , so it didn 't take long to soak up the entire layout . The demon still taunted me , the voice growing louder as the form stayed rooted where it stood . I plaed my hand on the floor and lifted myself up to all four , and I turned to scan the wall behind me . Then I saw something I couldn 't believe . The form was now right at my back , whispering into my mind how I shouldn 't have dome . I felt its breath on the back of my neck , but I refused to turn around . A large rectangle was scratched into the wood , with a small dent chipped away in the center of it . Right in front of my eyes I saw the large seven I had mindlessly etched into the wall . I knew what it was : room seven was just beyond that wall where room five was moments ago . I don 't know how I had done it - maybe it was just my state of mind at the time - but I had created the door . I knew I had . In my madness , I had scratched into the wall what I needed the most : an exit to the next room . Room seven was close . I knew the demon was right behind me , but for some reason it couldn 't touch me . I closed my eyes and placed both hands on the large seven in front of me . I pushed . I pushed as hard as I could . The demon was now screaming in my ear . It told me I was never leaving . It told me that this was the end but I wasn 't going to die ; I was going to live there in room six with it . I wasn 't . I pushed and screamed at the top of my lungs . I knew I was going to push through the wall eventually . I clenched my eyes shut and screamed , and the demon was gone . I was left in silence . I turned around slowly and was greeted by the room as it was when I entered : just a chair and a lamp . I couldn 't believe it , but I didn 't have time to well . I turned back to the seven and jumped back slightly . What I saw was a door . It wasn 't the one I had scratched in , but a regular door with a large seven on it . My whole body was shaking . It took me a while to turn the knob . I just stood there for a while , staring at the door . I couldn 't stay in room six . I couldn 't . But if this was only room six , I couldn 't imagine was seven had in store . I must have stood there for an hour , just staring at the seven . Finally , with a deep breath , I twisted the knob and opened the door to room seven . I stumbled through the door mentally exhausted and physically weak . The door behind me closed and I realized where I was . I was outside . Not outside like room five , but actually outside . My eyes stung . I wanted to cry . I fell to my knees and tried but I couldn 't . I was finally out of that hell . I didn 't even care about the prize that was promised . I turned and saw that the door I just went through was the entrance . I walked to my car and drove home , thinking of how nice a shower sounded . As I pulled up to my house , I felt uneasy . The joy of leaving NoEnd House had faded and dread was slowly building in my stomach . I shook it off as residual from the house and made my way to the front door . I entered and immediately went up to my room . There on my bed was my cat , Baskerville . He was the first living thing I had seen all night and I reached to pet him . He hissed and swiped at my hand . I recoiled in shock , as he had never acted like that . I thought , " Whatever , he 's an old cat . " I jumped in the shower and got ready for what I was expecting to be a sleepless night . After my shower , I went to the kitchen to make something to eat . I descended the stairs and turned into the family room ; what I saw would be forever burned into my mind , however . My parents were lying on the ground , naked and covered in blood . They were mutilated to near - unidentifiable states . Their limbs were removed and placed next to their bodies , and their heads were placed on their chests facing me . The most unsettling part was their expressions . They were smiling , as though they were happy to see me . I vomited and sobbed there in the family room . I didn 't know what had happened ; they didn 't even live with me at the time . I was a mess . Then I saw it : a door that was never there before . A door with a large eight scrawled on it in blood . I was still in the house . I was standing in my family rom but I was in room seven . The faces of my parents smiled wider as I realized this . They weren 't my parents ; they couldn 't be , but they looked exactly like them . The door marked eight was across the room , behind the mutilated bodies in front of me . I knew I had to move on , but at that moment I gave up . The smiling faces tore into my mind ; they grounded me where I stood . I vomited again and nearly collapsed . Then the hum returned . It was louder than ever and it filled the house and shook the walls . The hum compelled me to walk . I began to walk slowly , making my way closer to the door and the bodies . I could barely stand , let alone walk , and the closer I got to my parents the closer I came to suicide . The walls were now shaking so hard it seemed as though they were going to crumble , but still the faces smiled at me . As I inched closer , their eyes followed me . I was now between the two bodies , a few feet away from the door . The dismembered hands clawed their way across the carpet towards me , all while the faces continued to stare . new terror washed over me and I walked faster . I didn 't want to hear them speak . I didn 't wan tht evoices to match those of my parents . They began to open their mouths and the hands were inches from my feet . In a dash of desperation , I lunged toward the door , threw it open , and slammed it behind me . Room eight . I was done . After what I had just experienced , I knew there wasn 't anything else this fucking house could throw at me that I couldn 't live through . there was nothing short of the fires of hell that I wasn 't ready for . Unfortunately , I underestimated the abilities of NoEnd House . Unfortunately , things got more disturbing , more terrifying , and more unspeakable in room eight . I still have trouble believing what I saw in room eight . Again , the room was a carbon copy of rooms four and six , but sitting in the usually empty chair was a man . After a few seconds of disbelief , my mind finally accepted the fact that the man sitting in the chair was me . Not someone who looked like me ; it was David Williams . I walked closer . I had to get a better look even though I was sure of it . He looked up at me and I noticed tears in his eyes . " Yes you are . . . " He was sobbing now . " You 're going to hurt me and I don 't want you to . " He sat in the chair with his legs up and began rocking back and forth . It was actually pretty pathetic looking , especially since he was me , identical in every way . " Listen , who are you ? " I was now only a few feet from my doppleganger . It was the weirdest experience yet , standing there talking to myself . I wasn 't scared , but I would be soon . " Why are you - " " Why are you saying this ? Just calm down , alright ? Let 's try and figure this - " And then I saw it . The David sitting down was wearing the same clothes as me , except for a small red patch on his shirt embroidered with the number nine . My eyes didn 't leave that small number on his chest . I knew exactly what it was . The first few doors were plain and simple , but after a while they got a little more ambiguous . Seven was scratched into the wall , but by my own hands . Eight was marked in blood above the bodies of my parents . But nine - this number was on a person , a living person . Worse still , it was on a person that looked exactly like me . " Yes . . . you 're going to hurt me you 're going to hurt me . . . " He continued to sob and rock . He answered to David . he was me , right down to the voice . But that nine . I paced around for a few minutes while he sobbed in his chair . The room had no door and , similarly to room six , the door I came through was gone . For some reason , I assumed that scratching would get me nowhere this time . I studied the walls and floor around the chair , sticking my head underneath and seeing if anything was below . Unfortunately , there was . Below the chair was a knife . Attached was a tag that read , " To David - From Management . " The feeling in my stomach as I read that tag was something sinister . I wanted to throw up and the last thing I wanted to do was remove that knife from under that chair . The other David was still sobbing uncontrollably . My mind was spinning into an attic of unanswerable questions . Who put this here and how did they get my name ? Not to mention the fact that as I knelt on the cold wood floor I also sat in that chair , sobbing in protest of being hurt by myself . It was all too much to process . The house and the management had been playing with me this whole time . My thoughts for some reason turned to Peter and whether or not he got this far . If he did , if he met a Peter Terry sobbing in this very chair , rocking back and forth . . . I shook those thoughts out of my head ; they didn 't matter . I took the knife from under the chair and immidately the other David went quiet . David was still sitting in the chair , though he was very calm now . He looked up at me with a slight grin . I couldn 't tell if he was going to laugh or strangle me . Slowly , he got up from the chair and stood , facing me . It was uncanny . His height and even the way he stood matched mine . I felt the rubber hilt of the knife in my hand and gripped it tighter . I don 't know what I was planning on doing with it , but I had a feeling I was going to need it . " Now , " his voice was slightly deeper than my own . " I 'm going to hurt you . I 'm going to hurt you and I 'm going to keep you here . " I didn 't respond . I just lunged and tackled him to the ground . I had mounted him and looked down , knife poised and ready . He looked up at me , terrified . It was like I was looking in a mirror . Then the hum returned , low and distant , though I still felt it deep in my body . David looked up at me as I looked down at myself . The hum was getting louder and I felt something inside me snap . With one motion , I slammed the knife into the patch on his chest and ripped down . Blackness fell on the room and I was falling . The darkness around me was like nothing I had experienced up to that point . Room three was dark , but it didn 't come close to what was completely engulfing me . I wasn 't even sure if I was falling after a while . I felt weightless , covered in dark . Then a deep sadness came over me . I felt lost , depressed , and suicidal . The sight of my parents entered my mind . I knew it wasn 't real , but I had seen it and the mind has trouble differentiating between what is real and what isn 't . The sadness only deepened . I was in room nine for what seemed like days . The final room . And that 's exactly what it was : the end . NoEnd House had an end and I had reached it . At that moment , I gave up . I knew I would be in that in - between state forever , accompanied by nothing but darkness . Not even the hum was there to keep me sane . I had lost all senses . I couldn 't feel myself . I couldn 't hear anything . Sight was completely useless here . I searched for a taste in my mouth and found nothing . I felt disembodied and completely lost . I knew where I was . This was hell . Room nine was hell . Then it happened . A light . One of those stereotypical lights at the end of the tunnel . I felt ground come up from below me and I was standing . After a moment or two of gathering my thoughts and senses , I slowly walked toward that light . As I approached the light , it took form . It was a vertical slit down the side of an unmarked door . I slowly walked through the door and found myself back where I started : the lobby of NoEnd House . It was exactly how I left it : still empty , still decorated with childish Halloween decorations . After everything that had happened that night , I was still wary of where I was . After a few moments of normalcy , I looked around the place trying to find anything different . On the desk was a plain white envelope with my name handwritten on it . Immensely curious , yet still cautious , I mustered up the courage to open the envelope . Inside was a letter , again handwritten . I couldn 't stop laughing . I laughed for what seemed like hours . I laughed as I walked out to my car and laughed as I drove home . I laughed as I pulled into my driveway . I laughed as I opened my front door to my house and laughed as I saw the small ten etched into the wood . I don 't even know why I 'm writing this . I can post this in a million different places , it won 't matter . There 's still nobody there to read it . Nobody left to hear my story . Yet this might be my last chance to do this , so I will . The feeling won 't go away . They 're watching . They 're watching and getting closer every second . They can feel my terror . And I know they 're enjoying it . It has been about four months since everyone disappeared . And I mean everyone . I woke up one morning for school . I immediately noticed the time . School started three hours ago . Must have just hit the alarm clock still half - asleep , and fallen right back to sleep . It happens to me sometimes . Why hadn 't my parents woken me up ? Probably just went to work early . The first time I started to notice was at the station . I usually take a train to school , since it 's the fastest way to get there . I hadn 't seen anyone on my way to the station , but I lived in a rather quiet area of the town , so going was slow at this time of the day . It happened , so I didn 't think much of it . When I arrived at the station , I noticed there was nobody there . It was odd . There should have been at least a few people waiting for the train , even at this time of the day . I shrugged it off as an exceptionally slow day . It happened sometimes , too . I waited for a good while , but the train didn 't come . I don 't remember how long I stood there , but I grew increasingly frustrated . I decided to walk to school . After all , it was only a twenty - minute walk if I did it fast enough , and I was late for the next lesson anyways . I didn 't see anyone on my way to school . Nor was there anyone in school . The school building was open , and lit . I still didn 't think much of it , the lessons were on anyways . But the classrooms were empty . Every single classroom in the whole building . Some doors were open , some closed . But there was nobody there . I tried the teacher 's lounge , and it was empty . I even recall the smell of fresh coffee in the room . I tried calling one of my friends to ask what was going on . No answer . The phone rang , but there just wasn 't any answer . I tried another . Same thing . I ended up going through every single person I know from school . No answer . I rushed to the shopping mall nearby . It was empty . The entire building , normally bustling with life , totally empty . The shops were open , the lights were on , the music was playing , the info screens were on . There just wasn 't anyone strolling around the mall , searching through the stores , manning the counters . I tried calling my parents . No answer . The whole day , I did not see a single living person . The only cars I saw were parked ones . There were no animals either . Everything was just dead quiet . But everything still worked . The shops were open , the lights were on , the TVs worked , there just wasn 't any program . Even the internet was there . Every site worked , every chatroom was open , there just wasn 't anyone there . I went nuts . I don 't remember much of the first days , what it was like . Just the feeling of unimaginable terror , loneliness . I didn 't sleep much , I didn 't eat at all . I just sat around my house , waiting for someone to come home , for someone to call me , to hear a car drive past , waiting for the dream to end . It never did . I eventually gathered myself . I told myself nobody was coming , and I had to get up and at least eat . And eat I did . I ate everything I could find , had the date expired or not . I ate and ate . And cried . I was alone . There was no sign , anywhere , that there 'd be a single living person anywhere else in the world . No TV - channels showed any program . Some just showed the same news screens over and over . Nothing in the internet updated . Nobody ever logged in anywhere . Nobody answered the phone . Yet , everything just kept working . The power never went out . The lights were always on . The traffic lights worked . The stores were open . Music played where it had always played . I eventually grew accustomed to it . It took a while , but I started going out . At first I tried visiting friends , look for people , anyone . I soon gave it up . Before long , I realized that I need more food than what we have at home . I started looting grocery stores . Just what I needed at first , then went to home , and ate it . Before long , I started looting other goodies . Candy . Drinks . Maybe a month was gone , and I had come to terms with my life , and the fact that there was nobody else in the world . So I made the most of my life . I started having fun , the kind of fun you 'd imagine doing if you had the whole world for yourself for one day . I pillaged through every store I could think of , stole everything I could get my hands on . I slept at beds in furniture stores , I played games with the biggest screens electronic stores had . I broke every fine piece of china I came across . I rampaged through malls , leaving behind a trail of destruction . I missed my old life , but made the best of this one . I was relaxing back home , listening through some albums I had brought home with me , when I suddenly heard a strange noise from outside . I can 't really describe it well . It was like something called for me . I 'm not even sure I really heard it . I just felt it . What I saw outside scared the life out of me . Someone - something . It was the shape of a man , yet it was somehow … wrong . It was entirely black . No , not just black . It seemed to suck the very light from the air around it . There were no features to be seen . No clothing , no hair , no facial features . It was just a black mass I somehow knew was something like a man . I couldn 't stare directly at it , yet I couldn 't take my eyes off it . Every second I stared at it , it came closer , yet it didn 't move . Every second I felt I got dragged closer to it , yet I stayed where I was . The only feature I could recognize was it 's eyes . Two green , shiny dots I knew were it 's eyes . I knew it , because no stare has ever been so piercing , so paralyzing , so dreadful . It felt like the stare itself sucked the very life out of me . I woke up . A day had passed , maybe two . I can 't remember for certain . I woke up , screaming , sweating , from my own bed . It was a dream . It had to be . I was alone . There was nobody else in the world , how could it have been anything other than a dream ? I went on . At first , the dream kept bothering me . It felt so real . Was it ? No , it couldn 't have been . With the days , the memory started to fade . The moment started feeling more and more dreamlike , so I thought nothing of it . I even laughed at myself for thinking it was anything else . Yet , there was a constant feeling of pressure in the air . It was like a coming storm that never came . Sometimes I barely noticed it , sometimes I couldn 't even think properly because of it . Yet , I went on living . Today it happened again . The feeling . It called to me , while I was drifting to sleep . It called to me , told me to come to the window . I was too afraid to move . Yet still , my legs slowly took me there . An unimaginable feeling of dread and despair came over me . Tears flowed from my eyes as my feet unwillingly took me to the window . There was nobody there . The street was as empty as always . Yet the feeling did not go away . I felt like there were a million eyes focused on me alone . They were there . They were staring . That was two hours ago . The calling stopped . The staring didn 't . I 'm writing this now , because I know it 's the last time I can . They 're drawing closer by the second . I 'm not even sure why I 'm writing this . Maybe there 's someone else like me in some corner of the world . Maybe someone can read this . I don 't care . I have to tell someone . Often referred to as its code name , the Buryman Script , the Buried Alive Model was to be found on the final story of the Pokémon Tower in the spot of what has been replaced with the Marowak ghost . According to the scripts assigned to it , the Buried Alive Model was intended to be the " boss " of the tower . Upon reaching the top floor , the following conversation would have taken place . After this , the battle would have been initiated . One in " battle view , " the Buried Alive Model appears to be a decaying human corpse attempting to crawl out of the ground . It has been programmed to have two White Hands , a Gengar , and a Muk . Strangely enough , a protocol for Buried Alive 's actions after defeat wasn 't written . In this ending , Buried Alive was to have stated , " Finally , fresh meat ! " followed by several lines of Gibberish . He was to have then dragged the player into the ground surrounding him . The scene would finish with a typical " Game Over " screen . However , in the background an image of Buried Alive devouring the player was to have been shown . Known in the code as WhitHand . gif , this was scripted to appear as a Pokémon on the third floor of the Lavender Tower . It is divided into four separate animations : an introduction ( the " cry " a Pokémon unleashes before a battle ) , an idle , and two attacks . These attacks are unknown , as they are listed simply as " Fist " and " Brutal . " The first attack is the hand balling into a fist and swinging forward . However , the " brutal " animation is missing several frames . The hand seems to open up , then cuts out . After a few seconds , it reappears , closed again . No record has been found of these missing frames . In 1983 , a team of deeply pious scientists conducted a radical experiment in an undisclosed facility . The scientists had theorized that a human without access to any senses or ways to perceive stimuli would be able to perceive the presence of God . They believed that the five senses clouded our awareness of eternity , and without them , a human could actually establish contact with God by thought . An elderly man who claimed to have " nothing to left to live for " was the only test subject to volunteer . To purge him of all his senses , the scientists performed a complex operation in which every sensory nerve connection to the brain was surgically severed . Although the test subject retained full muscular function , he could not see , hear , taste , smell , or feel . With no possible way to communicate with or even sense the outside world , he was alone with his thoughts . Scientists monitored him as he spoke aloud about his state of mind in jumbled , slurred sentences that he couldn 't even hear . After four days , the man claimed to be hearing hushed , unintelligible voices in his head . Assuming it was an onset of psychosis , the scientists paid little attention to the man 's concerns . Two days later , the man cried that he could hear his dead wife speaking with him , and even more , he could communicate back . The scientists were intrigued , but were not convinced until the subject started naming dead relatives of the scientists . He repeated personal information to the scientists that only their dead spouses and parents would have known . At this point , a sizable portion of scientists left the study . After a week of conversing with the deceased through his thoughts , the subject became distressed , saying the voices were overwhelming . In every waking moment , his consciousness was bombarded by hundreds of voices that refused to leave him alone . He frequently threw himself against the wall , trying to elicit a pain response . He begged the scientists for sedatives , so he could escape the voices by sleeping . This tactic worked for three days , until he started having severe night terrors . The subject repeatedly said that he could see and hear the deceased in his dreams . Only a day later , the subject began to scream and claw at his non - functional eyes , hoping to sense something in the physical world . The hysterical subject now said the voices of the dead were deafening and hostile , speaking of hell and the end of the world . At one point , he yelled " No heaven , no forgiveness " for five hours straight . He continually begged to be killed , but the scientists were convinced that he was close to establishing contact with God . After another day , the subject could no longer form coherent sentences . Seemingly mad , he started to bite off chunks of flesh from his arm . The scientists rushed into the test chamber and restrained him to a table so he could not kill himself . After a few hours of being tied down , the subject halted his struggling and screaming . He stared blankly at the ceiling as teardrops silently streaked across his face . For two weeks , the subject had to be manually rehydrated due to the constant crying . Eventually , he turned his head and , despite his blindness , made focused eye contact with a scientist for the first time in the study . He whispered " I have spoken with God , and he has abandoned us " and his vital signs stopped . There was no apparent cause of death . Posted by I was born in Mexico . My father was a goat farmer and my mother used to weave baskets so we could have at least two meals a day . We were very poor and my older siblings and I had the misfortune of being born in extreme weather . My oldest brother was born on the coldest day of winter , my elder sister in a spring deluge , and I in the thick of summer . Despite the fact that the 80s had brought advances in the standerd of living for the world 's citizens , it seemed to have forgotten us in our tiny two - bedroom cabin . When my father heard about the H1 - B Visa program through my uncle , he eagerly signed up . Every spring , he would go to work as a laborer on a pepper and tobacco farm in Texas . The work was hard , but the pay was good and he was always home in time for Christmas , so he didn 't complain . He was saving up money so we could emigrate to the United States , so he worked from 1988 until 1991 , saving what he could . He made sure not a penny was wasted , and on the long winter bus ride from the farm to Mexico , he would sleep so the hunger pangs would not bother him . He doesn 't usually talk much about his days as a migrant worker , but he did tell us that one day , in the winter of 1989 , he couldn 't sleep . The bus had made a rest stop near a small taco stand . The tacos smelled wonderful and everyone on the bus formed a long line towards the taco stand , eager and salivating . The man behind the small dirty counter was very friendly , he said , but there was something a little ' off ' about him . The man scooped out the steaming , spiced meat onto fresh , piping hot , flour tortillas like a machine , taking the money in one hand and serving up a big loaded plate with the other . The next winter , the bus again made a rest stop at the man 's taco stand . Again , the passengers formed a long line along with other people . They had become addicted , they said . Every year , they waited impatiently to return to this small , dingy taco stand . My father , of course , stayed on the bus . He was used to the feeling of hunger ; he lived with it throughout his childhood , so he would surely survive . Again , he slept , dreaming of a big bowl of my mother 's chicken soup with a side of hot corn tortillas ( which we could afford by then ) . The next spring , he left again . It wasn 't a very good year ; the weather was horrible and the crop yield was so low that the farm had no choice but to let the workers go home a month early . My father said that the fellow workers were abuzz with excitement . They didn 't have to eat their tacos in the cold this year . the men eagerly counted the number of miles , their excitement mounting as they drew closer to the rest stop . Three more miles . . . Two more miles . . . One more mile . . . until they finally reached the spot where the man had his taco stand . But then , nothing . There was no sign of the stand or the man with his big steel pot of delicious , sweet deer meat . The only person there was an old woman selling papier - mâché frogs and piñatas . The workers demanded to know what had happened to the man with the deer tacos . Had he moved to another location ? Did he open up a restaraunt ? What happened ? " He was arrested two months ago . A lot of the local farmers and various other men started to go missing in his village and the police were completely dumbfounded . A small rumor was going around that the local butcher - the taco man , as you know him - could be involved . The police had no other leads and decided to follow up on that . What they saw shook them beyond beli - " She was cut off by a man asking , " And what about the deer tacos ? When he gets out of jail , will he start making and selling them again ? " Oh , he won 't be leaving his cell for a long time . You see , he wasn 't very well liked in his village . Venado was a nickname that he used to refer to his enemies . " Ever since my dad left , my mom has been serving up " special meat . " She said that daddy was giving it to us and I should never look in the fridge in the basement . Needless to say , I got incredibly curious . One night , at around midnight , I snuck into the basement and looked in the fridge . What I saw there haunts me to this day . It was none other than my father , with cube neatly sliced out of his torso and limbs . I screamed , waking up my mom . She instantly knew what I had done and ran up to the kitchen to grab her cleaver . I , on the other hand , was too stunned to move until my mom came into the basement . She was swinging the cleaver like a maniac , all the while trying to coax me to stop running . " It 's okay , " she goaded in that motherly voice . After running in circles around the house many times , I realized my mom had locked the door at some point . Inevitably , she caught me . She pinned me to the ground and started chopping off my limbs , one by one . The next day , I was sitting in a wheelchair , all bandaged up . My mom once muttered , " Now you know , " but I didn 't question it . Calling it a creepy story would be kind of an insult . This is an expression of gratitute toward a friend - a friend that was always there for me . He watched over me when I was growing up and was the best friend any kid could have , even if I didn 't realize it at the time . He was always there , even though I couldn 't see him . He was always acting in my best interests , even if I couldn 't understand it . I 'd like to take some time to share with you our story , because if you 're lucky you might have a friend like this too . I bought a new computer back in May 2010 and took my old computer to the store to have everything backed up . When I took my new computer home , I set everything up and began restoring my files from my portable hard drive . While I was installing some programs , I noticed a file in the Misc folder the technician at the shop made for files that didn 't really belong anywhere . The file was called " HappyBirthdayBaby . txt " . You might find this one day . I 'm not great at this computer stuff , but I 've watched you tinkering with this machine lately and I think I know how to save this so you 'll find it . Seeing as it 's time for me to go , I want to leave you this last little message . I know you never met your father , but to me he was Col . Marcus Andrew Stadtfield . As I 'm sure your mother told you , he was a good man . He had the pride of a lion , the strength of a bear , and a heart of pure gold . Truth is , I was almost like his son way before you were born . I was his second in command and served with him for three years . I watched as your mother wept when she heard the news , her belly swolen with your soon - to - be debut into this world . I stayed with her every second of every day until the day you came into the world . After that , my focus shifted to you personally . I watched as they cleaned you and handed you to your mother . She seemed to look right at me with a knowing eye as I stood over the both of you , almost as if she knew all along . I 'd be willing to bet my last penny she did at that time . I 've watched you grow ; I remember everything , even the things you don 't . You were such a happy baby . You seemed to have inherited your father 's sense of humor , as when you were getting to be four months old you would do just about everything to hinder your mother 's attempts at changing you , laughing all the way . You were a wild one at heart , just as you are today . When you were about six months old , we used to play all the time . We had a game where I would grab your toes and tickle your belly ; you would have a great time . When your mother came in , I 'd have to stop and it always perplexed her as to why you 'd start crying . She seemed to think you didn 't like her , which is when I realized I had to back away some . But hey , I knew it was because you didn 't want the fun to end . When you were a year old , you seemed to develop a sixth sense for me . Although you couldn 't really see me so well anymore , you knew I was there . I couldn 't play with you much because I knew it would only hurt you in the long run , but I always kept guard . However , I knew you remembered seeing me because you had a way of testing my presence . You 'd throw toys into the corner where I stood and waited to see if I would play with them . Now , I know you won 't remember , but once you threw a bear and a rag doll at me . Because your mother was busy in the kitchen , making dinner , I kept you entertained by putting on a little show . It wasn 't anything special , all I did was make them dance a little . You were laughing loud and your mom came to see what was so funny , but when she saw what she saw , she wasn 't laughing . I bet you could mention the bear and rag doll dance and the color would run right out of her cheeks . Do me a favor and don 't , though ; I think it would be much kinder to ask if you ever threw the toys into the corner . That isn 't so much a bad memory for her than the dancing . Do you remember your first word ? I do . " Love . " Haha . Your mother made damned well sure you knew just how much you were cherished by her . Every moment of every day she would always say " Love you , baby . " I remember you tugging my heart strings something awful once , when your mother was changing you in the bathroom this one time . You seemed to have caught my reflection in the mirror . You pointed and said " Love . " Your mother laughed and affirmed it . It was your only word for a time , but as I walked out of the reflection you started getting restless and I knew again that I had to be more stealthy . You were growing more and more every day . I couldn 't afford to break my promise to your father , which is why I had to step back further . I broke the rules many time to protect you . That promise to your father was everything to me . I remember when you were three and had mastered walking . You were a regular little scout . Haha . You could never keep still . Those little legs opened up a whole other world to you and you weren 't shy at all about exploring it . One day you were with your mother in the market and a lady with a shiny purse caught your eye . You went running after her . This other woman was running with her trolley in front of her , coming the other way , and didn 't spot you . Because you were running after the purse , you didn 't spot her either . Breaking the rules wasn 't allowed , but allowing you to get hurt wasn 't allowed either . When you noticed her , it was too late . You fell on your ass before you could scamper out of her way . Not having any other option , I sent that trolley flying into the side of a freezer . As it crashed , that woman screamed bloody murder . " A - A - A MAN IN A UNIFORM ! " You giggled as the crowd gathered and your mother came running . When she found you at that scene , you were safe and sound . You pointed to the trolley that had smashed the window to the freezer and you know what you said ? " Love mommy . " Though I had to hide myself and was shamed for creating such a scene out in the open , I was laughing too . As you grew and became more aware , so did I . I knew when I could and couldn 't intervene . Doing too much would hurt the both of us , so I picked my moments . You were a smart kid just like your father and most of the time knew how to handle any and every situation . If there was an option , you took it . Though I slipped up a few times while you were growing up , I think I did well to keep an eye on you . It was just little things to make your life a little easier , things you probably won 't remember : putting your piano music sheets in your bag at night , turning off your television when you fell asleep , pulling the sheets over you on the colder nights , sorting your drawers , setting your alarm clock , closing your window and door , etc . . . You caught me doing one or two of these things a few times and I want to take the time toapologize for scaring you . This one time , you were doing your homework at your desk and fell asleep , so I filled in all the answers for your math quiz . You made such a fuss to your mother about how strict the teacher was about homework and I knew you knew the answers anyway , but you suspected more than ever when you woke up and found that half a sheet you left was done . You were older and forgotten that we were friends . Things you saw in the media about ghosts scared you and had every right to be scared . I just want to say I 'm sorry . I never meant to make you cry . If only I had taken a little extra care , you 'd never have known . I just wanted to keep you safe and happy . As you matured , you began to take form as a young lady . As such , you began to know the evil of men . Though you had your wits about you , you were always taking stupid risks . Watching over you became a little more of a worry for me and I had to expose myself more and more . Most notably was that night when that no good boy you brought home started putting the moves on you when your mother went to work . He was only after one thing and , although I knew it wasn 't my place to choose for you , you were still only a baby girl , just fifteen years old . As he got on top of you and started undressing you , took his top off and began saying those sweet nothings . . . your face said it all . You were scared . When you told him to stop , he wouldn 't . When you tried to push him off , he got angry , struck you , and tried to put his hand up your skirt . All the evil I kept inside of me came out at that moment and it was something I couldn 't control . My temper and rage boiled over as I began to growl . The lights started flickering . The TV volume began to rise . The doors and windows bashed . The keys on your piano began to rattle . With your father 's roar , I yelled , " GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE , BOY ! ! ! " As he ran out of the room , you tried to follow , but I slammed the door in your face and wouldn 't let the handle go until your mother pulled up in the driveway . I 'm so sorry that whole thing traumatized you for a while . You became more frightened of me than ever , having such an experience . I knew from then on , despite how much I loved you , we could never be friends . Not after what I 'd done . Some nights , you used to sit awake to watch for me . I 'd have to sit in the darkest corner , looking right back at you , unable to reassue you that I wasn 't here to cause you harm . You used to scream " I HATE YOU ! GET OUT ! LEAVE ME ALONE ! " Just as you used to do as a toddler , you threw things into my corner . Instead of toys for me to play with , this time it was heavy books , cd cases , and just about anything else you could get your hands on to get me to move . You used to sit in your bed watching that corner . I always felt terrible about what I did . I 'd almost broken that promise to your father . More importantly , I 'd almost broken my personal promise I 'd made to you , too . It was like that until the night you tried to make peace with me . That night , you sat in your bed and said " If you 're here , I 'm sorry . You were only trying to stop him . " I wanted to say something , but I couldn 't , even as you shuffled around nervously . " You 're here , right ? Could you show me a sign ? " I wanted so badly to give you something , anything to show you I was there and heard that , but I kept silent and just nodded . I feared you would lose it if I gave you a sign . You have to know , I was never mad at you . You were just a girl and that little prick tipped me over the edge . Promise me you 'll never do anything like that again , okay ? It 's your eighteenth birthday today , which is why I 'm writing this to you . I want to wish you a happy birthday . I 'm sure your dad 's getting sick of keeping that bar stool open for me , though . Live a good life and try not to forget about me . Know you turned out great . Your father would be so proud of you . This letter is my present to you . Don 't you worry about the spooky corner anymore . My last order is complete . I don 't know about you , but I think this trooper deserves a drink ; you were such a handful . Haha ! I was gobsmacked when I read this letter ; everything made so much sense now . All the things that happened when I was growing up . . . I always thought I was seeing things until the day my boyfriend at the time almost raped me . I 'll be the first to admit I was scared of him . I didn 't understand what he was , why he was there , or what he was after , but I got it all wrong . A few days after reading , I asked my mom a few questions about the spooky things that happened when I was growing up . She was very nonchalant about it until I mentioned what happened in the market . She stopped cleaning , set down her cloth , turned to me , and smiled . She said , " You always had a guardian angel watching over you , honey . I don 't know if it was your father or not , but who or whatever it was made sure nothing bad happened to you . " She turned around and began cleaning the dishes again before asking , " So I guess you met it then , right ? Your spirit friend . " " Not exactly . " I replied . " He left something for me . " I went upstairs , brought the laptop down , and showed her the letter . My mother was crying by the time she finished . Afterward , she told me about my dad 's friend . " He was a kind boy . Marc brought him home once to meet me and he had a certain air about him . He was as loyal as a dog to your father . He had a love and respect for him that even I was intimidated by at times . When he came to our home on leave , Marcus had to practically order him to make himself at home . He eve had to be asked to take his uniform off . He looked up to Marcus almost like a boy looks up to his father . I don 't really know his background , but I remember your father telling me he was a good drinking partner , a fine soldier , and an invaluable friend . " " They found that poor boy and Marcus all alone in a building that had been overrun by their enemy . They were out on recon and their team got separated when they came under fire . The rest of the boys in your father 's team survived , but those two weren 't so lucky . The way they found them was peculiar . " As she choked back tears , she looked me right in the eye and continued . " That boy was found right on top of your father , riddled with bullets . He was shielding him right up until the moment he died . He could have gotten away , but he refused to leave your injured father 's side . " With that , we both burst into tears . Love . That 's exactly what he was . He was a guardian . I had no reason to be afraid of him . I 'd have given anything just to tell him I was sorry and I loved him back . I had no right , with all the terrible things I did to him at the end . I realized that he loved my father so much , not even death could keep him from the promise he mentioned in the letter . When I asked what the promise was , my mother looked at me with tears in her eyes . " It was made in this very house while they were setting up your room . It was simply : ' No matter what happens , promise me you 'll watch over my daughter . ' " Hello there . I am a single father of two three - year old boys . Their favorite show is Barney and Friends . . . . well , it used to be . . . until las . . . |
The beautiful young woman with long , dark hair stood with her large breasts resting on the counter of the concierge desk . When I looked up , her plunging neckline and erect nipples were staring me in the face . No , I haven 't started writing erotica . If so , that would have been a terrible stab at it . She handed me an earring and a large gemstone and said , " Can you fix this ? " She reached up and put her hair behind the ear that was wearing the match to the broken one . " Can I have the one on your ear so I can look at it ? " I asked . She took it off and handed it to me . I studied them both . I wasn 't a jeweler , but it appeared to be costume jewelry so I wasn 't too worried about saying , " I can crazy glue it . " She smiled and said she 'd be back for it in an hour . She was a prostitute hired by the Los Angeles Bond Club ( bail bondsmen ) to accompany a group of about 30 men to the hotel for the weekend . It was just she and one other girl . The men were there for their annual convention ( golf / drinking / sex with hookers ) , and what was left in their wake were stories the staff would talk about for months , especially the Housekeeping Department . Being a concierge was an interesting job . If you got the right gig , it could be very lucrative and you could be dialed in to everything going on , especially in a big city . The perks can be phenomenal . Later on in my husband 's career , he was managing a hotel in Los Angeles where we benefited greatly from the relationships the hotel concierge had fostered . But that was a little different from the job at Spanish Bay . A posh golf resort wasn 't the same as a big city hotel because of all the things a big city has to offer . Still , you never knew what would be thrown at you . For the most part , it 's talking about where to go and what to do and what to eat and scheduling dinner reservations and massages and babysitters and tee times , etc . , etc . , but occasionally you are hit a little sideways with requests that leave you slightly speechless while you process how best to accommodate . Like the time a 40 - something year old woman , who was very plain and soft - spoken walked up to the desk and stated that she had forgotten her compact at home . First I said , " Did you check the gift shop ? We have some cosmetics there . " She said , " Yes , but you don 't carry Clinique . " I thought , So what the hell do you expect me to do about it , run to Macy 's for you ? I hesitated , then said , " If you can tell me the shade , I can send a porter to Macy 's . " A month or so later , I found out this woman was a " secret shopper " hired by hotel management and in her report she described our interaction to the letter . It went something like this , " Jodee was very pleasant and helpful with getting the compact I told her I forgot at home , though there was a slight initial hesitation . " On very busy days , the concierge staff would have to jump in and do some of the porter duties . Occasionally I parked cars . I once drove a Bentley to a parking spot . I also drove a 20 - something passenger bus more than once . The first time the doorman came in and said , " Jodee , I need to you shuttle a group to The Lodge , " I said , " No way . I can 't drive that big bus . " Yes , you can , " he said . So I did . It was full of a group of golfers from Japan who spoke very little English , but tried to ask me questions while I held their lives in my hands and in that bus . It went okay , and truth be told , I often volunteered to drive the bus even though I don 't think I was legally supposed to . I seem to recall a special license ( ? ) , but maybe not . On another busy day , the doorman walked in holding the elbow of a man holding an ice pack to the side of his head . " Jodee , I need you to take Mr . White to the ER . " He had been hit in the head with a golf ball and was actually knocked out briefly . He refused an ambulance , but the hotel insisted he get checked out . As I was getting in the driver 's seat of the hotel Town Car , the doorman whispered , " Don 't let him fall asleep . " That poor man . I talked his ear off and asked him questions the entire drive to the hospital . I could tell he was annoyed . I finally said , " I 'm not supposed to let you fall asleep . " He said , " I know . " I mentioned in the first part of the story that my immediate supervisor , David , would become my second husband in less than a year . So yeah , that was going on ; his trying to " court " me , and me resisting ( initially ) . He made it pretty clear from the beginning that he was interested , though he was always professional . I recall him saying , " There 's something I really want to ask you , but I 'm not sure I should . " I said , " You want to ask me out ? " He said , " No , I want to ask you to marry me and have my children . " I laughed and walked away . I had a crush on the bartender in the Lobby Lounge . I was once hiding behind the bar having a coke or something when I heard David walk up and ask the bartender if he had seen me . He said , " no . " That was my cue to go out the back door of the bar and run as quickly as I could through the back hallways to the employee lounge and act like nothing . Eventually he won me over so we went to Tahoe and got married . Within two weeks , the General Manager of the hotel called David in and said , " I don 't think Jodee should be working here now that she is your wife . " And that was end of my stint as a concierge . My friend Renee called me one day and asked if I would be interested in working as a concierge at The Inn at Spanish Bay . " I don 't think so , " I said . I was working as the daytime bartender at the Monterey Plaza Hotel at the time and I liked my job . Renee and I did some part - time modeling together and in the relatively short time I had lived on the Monterey Peninsula , I considered her my closest friend . I was recently separated from my first husband and things weren 't easy , but my little boy and I were settling into life in a one bedroom apartment a few blocks from the beach . " John is recruiting , " Renee said . John was Renee 's husband . He was in the hotel business and if I took the job as concierge , he would be my boss . He was a great guy , but the thought of changing jobs during such an unsettling time in my life sounded like more than I wanted to deal with . A month or so later , John called me himself . " Come on , Jodee , just come down to the hotel and let me show you around and tell you about the job . " I agreed . The Inn at Spanish Bay hadn 't been open too long and was part of the Pebble Beach Resorts family . The historical Lodge at Pebble Beach was ( is ) its sister property . Both are located on the world famous 17 - Mile Drive and both have world class golf courses . It was beautiful . The resort itself wooed me . When John and I finished walking the property and talking about the job , I was smitten . It didn 't hurt that he timed my visit with sunset , and the bagpiper who plays and pairs beautifully with that time of day . A concierge takes care of a hotel guest 's every need , though you aren 't required to break the law , and you can refuse to help a guest if they ask you to cross the line , though that line is never actually spelled out . Of course you aren 't allowed inside of a guest 's room , other than the short time you are pointing out the workings of their room after you have escorted them to it . You see , that was how Spanish Bay had this position structured . You were either one of two employees behind the concierge desk , or you were posted in the lobby awaiting arrivals . If that happened to be you , the front desk clerk would introduce you by name , " Mr . Jones , this is Jodee . She is going to escort you to your room , tell you about the hotel , and answer any questions you may have . " But I 'm jumping ahead . We didn 't have bellmen . We had porters . Porters would be posted outside as hotel guests pulled up to the porte - cochère . The hotel was set back from the road . There was a guard gate at the entrance . The person working in the guard gate would inquire whether the person entering the property was checking into the hotel and if they were , the gate person would call the doorman and let them know that Mr . Jones was on his way up in a blue Mercedes . Mr . Jones would then be greeted by name by the doorman and then whisked to the front desk clerk and introduced where he would promptly get checked in before being handed off to ( a concierge ) me . Mr . Jones would always inquire about the car and his bags , but he would be told not to worry about that . While one porter was parking his car , another porter was already on his way to the room to drop off the luggage before we arrived , and when he is surprised to see his luggage and inquires about tipping , he is told that a 15 % gratuity is added onto his folio so he is not to tip anywhere in the hotel other than the restaurants and lounges . Sometimes guests would push cash into your hands and not take " no " for an answer , but you would never know if they were a spy so you tried to resist as best you could . Not taking " no " for an answer was a pretty good clue that they weren 't hired by management to " secret shop " on your ass . My second husband , David , was my immediate supervisor . He was John 's assistant manager . I didn 't know he was going to be my second husband when I met him , but he would become that in less than a year 's time . My first day on the job was shadowing David as he told ( and showed ) me everything about the hotel . It was crucial to the job that I know everything about the hotel , the restaurants , the company , etc . We also drove over to The Lodge at Pebble Beach because I had to be familiar with that property as well . My one standout memory of that day was when we were driving to The Lodge and I told David about my son Jarrod , who was five at the time , wanting to change his name to Arnold . David laughed to tears . I haven 't had very good luck with honeymoons . Or marriages , come to think of it . Though I would actually call both of my marriage successful despite their ultimate demises . My son was a product of the first , and I would hardly call a 20 - year marriage a failure . We succeeded for a long time , but I 'm actually writing about honeymoons today . Specifically , the first one because there 's not a lot to tell about the second one as you will discover at the end of my story . Husband # 1 was only interested in buying weed . We spent a week on the island of Oahu , and he spent six days trying to score weed . Of course I knew before I married the guy that he liked his weed , but I didn 't think his smoking habit would infiltrate our honeymoon . The bellman did come to our room that first night , but only with one joint . The next morning Husband was on a quest to find more weed . I found myself running along behind him on the streets of Honolulu while he looked into the eyes of locals hoping they could read each other 's minds . " Got weed ? " his eyes would say , " Yes , " the stranger 's eyes would say , and then they would duck behind a building or dumpster and exchange money and drugs . As the lookout , I became an accessory to these crimes . For whatever reason , he could only get a small amount at a time so these were our daily excursions . I took to wearing a disguise . We did have a few nice dinners in between our hunts for illegal drugs , and the Luau that the hotel put on was a memorable experience . But what I remember most is following Husband and a local dude into a rundown apartment complex where we entered the unit with an upside down " B " on the door , and while Husband was conducting his final transaction with four strange men lurking , I envisioned them taking what was left of our money and slitting our throats . We had a wonderful time sitting on our hotel balcony overlooking the ocean sipping exotic tropical drinks and taking nightly walks along the surf at sunset . We dined at wonderful restaurants , went on a snorkeling excursion to Molokini , swam in the ocean , read books on the beach , and even tried parasailing . We did all the touristy stuff . Oh , the neglected blog . To borrow from an overused phrase , the struggle is real . The struggle to write . There has been very little blogging and a bit of writing outside of the blog , but mostly I have found 2016 to be the year I stopped writing . So I will end the year with something . Anything . Boring or mundane , or whatever , I will write . I will write about the visit to see my grandson cancelled due to stormy weather . I can go on about that . About the need to squeeze the little guy and plant kisses on his chubby cheeks and on the top of his sweet smelling head . FaceTime is awesome , but it doesn 't replace the feel of his soft little arms . So much is happening with him right now . The words and funniness are flying out of his mouth . He can tell you his name , he can point to just about anything you ask him to , and he can release his dog Frank from the crate . So instead of the trip to see Larkin , I drove 50 minutes outside of town to Valley Ford , a blink and you miss it sort of place not far from Bodega Bay , to stay at a little hotel in the wall . Actually , it 's quite lovely in an understated sort of way . It 's clean , has very nice linens , and EO amenities in the shower . Also , the coffee is good and there was a basket of snacks at the top of the stairway landing when I arrived . When I peered in I saw individually wrapped homemade brownies . I 'm sold . Mike told me a funny little story the other day . This past Friday afternoon there was a meeting at our house regarding at - home therapy for the boys . Not the type of therapy for kids going through a difficult time or anything like that , but the kind of therapy designed to help kids with autism . Since Erin ( the boys ' mom ) had them on Friday , she let herself into our house and was waiting for Mike to get home so they could wait for the entourage of two therapists and the person in charge to arrive to meet the boys and then discuss with us what to expect , etc . I say " us " even though I wasn 't there . I would have been there , but I didn 't know about it until that day and thought it was a quick meeting in an office somewhere . Had I known it was a three hour thing at our house , I would have changed my plans and been there . As a result , the next day Erin and I discussed her including me in group texts about what is going on with the boys because , well , we both know Mike . Anyway , the funny story was that when Mike got home and found Erin there with the boys , Liam said to Mike , " Hey Daddy , this is Mommy ! " He said it more than once . He thought this strange enough to point out . In his world , Mommy and Daddy are in two separate houses and though there are pick - ups and drop - offs and instances where we are all together in the same place , Liam isn 't used to his mom hanging out at the house where his dad lives . That story made me think of my own son , Jarrod , who was also a child of divorced parents at a very young age , but for many reasons ( that some of you know because you know my story or you follow this blog ) , there was nothing civil or friendly about my break - up with Jarrod 's father , Joe . We communicated only when absolutely necessary . In fact , early on , he didn 't even know where we lived . I had hoped that we would one day get beyond that animosity . I envisioned time healing all of our open wounds . As ridiculous as it sounds given our history , I thought we could let the past go and be friendly one day . I attempted to when Jarrod got older by inviting Joe to his high school graduation party at my parents ' house , but he declined . What brought us together was Jarrod 's cancer diagnosis at the age of 20 . Why does it take something so catastrophic to get two people to set aside their grievances and breath the same air inside the same tiny room ? We didn 't drive together to Stanford University Medical Center to discuss the next steps after the diagnosis , but we met there , and the three of us huddled together waiting for Dr . Ronald Levy to walk in and tell us something that would allow us all to sleep that night . It was a two hour wait . This doctor was the leading authority on Lymphoma and as a favor to my brother - in - law 's roommate whose girlfriend was a colleague on the fundraising for research side of things , ( I think I got that right ) , we were gratefully squeezed in for a consultation . I would have waited all night for a sit - down with that doctor . I don 't remember all that much about the wait because my state of mind during that time was one that only allowed me to go through the motions of living . I had one mission . And that was to find the right person for the job of making my son healthy again . But I do remember that Joe and I were both calm , united together by the same feelings we had for Jarrod . We were the only two people in the entire world who knew how the other felt during that time , and if that was all we had left of what was once " us , " then at least we had that . Despite the circumstances we were able to share a few laughs with Jarrod . That I remember . And like Liam , though it was a different kid , a different time , and a different place , I remember something Jarrod said when Joe left the room to go to the cafeteria to get us something to eat . He said , " This is so weird . " I asked , " What 's weird ? " He said , " You and dad in the same room with me . " Our kid weekend started out normal enough . I took off work early Friday and picked up the boys from school because Mike had a thing , their mom had a thing , and grandma had a thing . We hung out and played with a new train set until Mike got home . I took an electric engine apart looking for a battery after Liam handed it to me and said , " Fix it . " I took four screws out of the bottom , which is not where the battery is housed . The battery is easily attainable by taking one screw off the top of the train , though I didn 't know that yet . When the last screw came out , the guts of the train fell out . I had three little axles in my hand . They each had three to four wheels on them with teeth . There was only one way to make them fit so they would all work together to make the actual train wheels move . I couldn 't figure it out . All the while , a distressed little boy is hovering over me as I worked on the tiny engine . I kept repeating , " I 'm sorry , Daddy will have to fix it , " knowing Daddy wouldn 't be able to fix it . I gave up , put all the parts in a little dish and set it on top of the fridge . I distracted Liam by turning on the TV then went online to Amazon and ordered a new electric train engine exactly like the one I just dismantled . These are the moments I 'm thankful for Prime and overnight shipping . As soon as Mike got home he took the boys to a fair at school so they could jump in bouncy houses . I stayed home and started dinner . I made fresh pesto for pasta and when the guys arrived home , we ate . Liam devoured two platefuls and Finn took his usual two bites . After dinner , baths , and mani - pedis for the boys , we all sat down to watch Curious George 2 . Finn seemed tired , but that isn 't unusual for him at the end of a long day . Liam was his usual bouncy self . Toward the end of the movie , and during an upsetting scene where the mama Elephant is captured , Finn , who was laying on top of Mike , sat up and let out a scream . Just as I was about to say , " the mama elephant will be fine , " the entire contents of his stomach upchucked all over his father and our new couch . And so began the weekend of thirty loads of laundry , diligent sanitation , and managing one healthy kid and one sick kid . ( Sidenote to parents whose kids were in the bouncy houses with Finn : So sorry , we didn 't know he was sick ) . At 9 : 24pm I received a message from an old friend 's son - in - law via Facebook . He told me my friend had cancer and wasn 't doing well and that she qualified for Hospice this week . This was a dear friend who for many years was a big part of my life . We met when I was in my early 30s and she was in her 50s . We worked together for several years and despite our difference in age , had an immediate connection . We had always stayed in touch , but the past few years had been more sporadic and when I received his message I immediately felt awful about that . I should have known . I told him I would call her on Saturday . Only Liam slept much that first night . Finn was up a lot . I will spare you the details of what the stomach bug did to the poor little guy because we 've all been there either with ourselves or our kids . There 's no need for explanations . In the morning I ran to the store for Gatorade , Pedialyte , and Jello . We had planned to take the boys to see The Angry Birds Movie on Saturday , but that turned into me taking Liam and leaving Mike and Finn at home . Finn being sick had already made an impression on Liam because on the way home from the movie he said , " Let 's go see Daddy and Finn be quiet . " My friend and the phone call I had to make weighed heavy on my mind . I was afraid to call . What would I say ? How would she sound ? Would she forgive me for not calling to check in with her sooner ? I thought it might be a long phone call , though I didn 't know if her health would allow that . I just knew that in the past our phone calls were often very long as we caught each other up on our lives and I wanted to be sure I had a good stretch of uninterrupted time to talk . Part of me was procrastinating , part of me was having a hard time finding a good time to make the call with all that was going on in the house . I messaged my friend in the early evening not knowing if she would answer . I asked her if Sunday afternoon would be a good time for me to call since Mike and I had already discussed him taking Liam out of the house and me staying home with Finn . I figured Finn would either be asleep or I could put a movie on for him . She responded shortly after with a " Yes . " On Sunday morning I scooted Mike out the door for a run after breakfast . He 'd been housebound since Friday . Finn was still green . He sat and stared at a plate of pancakes , but didn 't attempt one bite . He slept most of the day on Saturday and it looked like Sunday was going to be a repeat . When I returned from a trip to the laundromat to wash the boys ' comforters , Mike took Liam for a walk and lunch downtown . Finn was still lethargic and not eating at all . Knowing kids usually bounce back pretty quickly with these bugs , we were getting a little concerned . My fear about calling my friend went out the window when I heard her voice . We picked up where we left off like we always had . Knowing the kind of person she was , I wasn 't surprised by her acceptance of her situation and her matter - of - fact demeanor . She had been a rock for me during difficult times in my life . She was the first friend I called when my son was diagnosed with cancer . She had a daughter who had survived cancer so she knew exactly what I was going through and she let me lean on her . I leaned hard . Around 5pm Sunday evening , Mike and I talked about calling the doctor on Monday morning if Finn still hadn 't eaten and at the end of that conversation , Mike went in to take a shower . I stripped Finn to join Mike and we were both taken aback by how skinny he looked . He 's a skinny kid to begin with , but he didn 't look healthy . It was a little scary . After a good scrub , I took Finn from the shower so Mike could finish up and got him dressed in clean pajamas . Then he sat down at the dining room table . I started asking him about food . Quesadilla ? Peanut butter and jelly ? Cereal ? I held up the box . " Okay , " he said . I gave him a bowl of cereal and he took two big bites . Then he said , " All done . " It was a start . He crawled up on the couch and pulled a blanket over himself . I wanted to keep his interest in food going so I put a small bowl of cantaloupe in his lap that Mike had cut up the night before . He said , " Thank you , " and started eating it , and thus began the bouncing back . Can I forgive myself for forgetting my friend 's 80th birthday this past March ? She told me there was nothing to forgive . She told me that she knows how life is and how busy I am now and how lucky those two little boys are to have me in their lives because she knows the kind of person I am . I don 't feel worthy of her saying those things to me because I feel like I have failed her as a friend . What an amazing and wonderful woman she is . Just as Mike and I were settling in to watch Game of Thrones , my phone rang and I saw it was my mom . We talk fairly often and it 's usually pretty quick check - ins so I told Mike I wanted to take the call . He paused the TV . A few weeks back my mother had told me that she and my dad had wanted to go to Anaheim for an Elks Lodge event this past weekend . My dad doesn 't drive any longer because of his vision and my mom said she wasn 't sure she wanted to make that drive herself . They were hoping some other friends would be going so they could tag along . I suggested looking into Amtrak too , but she discovered the timing wouldn 't work for the train . I had forgotten about the Anaheim weekend until we started talking last night . She told me that she and my dad had gone after all and it was just the two of them and they had a nice , relaxing time . My mom is 82 and my dad is 86 and they just took a mini roadtrip together . Actually , I grew more than one tree . Ten years ago or so , I opened up a few pods from a Mesquite tree and put the seeds in the ground in the backyard of my house in Southern Arizona . Today the trees are massive , and knowing these beautiful trees are there because of me makes me feel like I did something good . This was different than going down to your neighborhood nursery and buying a tree in a pot . This was me helping nature by scattering seeds and growing something that will still be standing in 100 years . My husband , David , had made a somewhat impulsive decision to buy a house in Tubac , Arizona after visiting his parents one winter . They had retired to Southern Arizona and the town of Tubac was about an hour away from them . He bought a completely staged ( furnished ) brand new home in a development that was within walking distance to town , which wasn 't much more than four square blocks of art galleries , a coffeehouse , a few restaurants , a saloon , and one gas station . I had never been there . He returned to our home in Palm Springs with the news . We had gone to visit my in - laws and after a lazy afternoon and early dinner , we stood in their front yard chatting before saying goodbye . They had a very large Mesquite tree next to their driveway that was shedding pods . My father - in - law ( who I also must give credit too ) picked up a handful and gave them to me . He said , " Take these home , open them up , and put the seeds in the ground . You might get a tree . " Our backyard was all rock , very sparse , and with only a few desert cactuses and shrubs . It wasn 't pretty . In addition , the development had a rule about the height of your fence or enclosure . We had a four foot wall that overlooked a park to the back and an adjacent neighbor on one side . There wasn 't much privacy . I told David that I would try to grow four trees . Three on the back wall and one on the side closer to the house . The seeds sprouted very quickly . I was ecstatic . When our desert dwelling days came to an end , the trees were about as tall as me , but still wispy . We visited Arizona when we could and it was always joyful to see their growth , but as the story goes there came a time when that house was no longer my house and the ex - husband got custody of the trees . A couple of nights ago I told my boyfriend Mike a story of something that happened to me many years ago . His response was , " I have no idea what that kind of fear feels like . " Of course he doesn 't . Because these types of stories almost exclusively belong to women . Telling the story was prompted by reading a blog earlier in the day that had gone viral and shown up on my Facebook newsfeed . The blog could have been written by ANY woman . Not because the woman who wrote it isn 't a good writer , quite the contrary , but because I don 't think there is a woman in this country who couldn 't put herself on that page . She wrote of what we women are subjected to on a daily basis , because we are women , and how we choose to handle it , which is to minimize and de - escalate . The part where she says , They don 't know struck a chord with me because I had a story I 'd never told until the other night . Actually , I have many stories I 've never told , and a few I have . The dodged bullet story has been told , but why do we minimize and de - escalate ? We do it for a variety of reasons , partly because , " It happens all the time . And it 's not always clear if the situation is dangerous or benign , " says the author of the blog . And she 's right . I 'm not sure if I was in danger , though at the time , I honestly felt I was . The man I 'm going to write about crossed the line and made me extremely uncomfortable . I should have told someone , but in my youth and naivete , I began to question my judgement after the fact . Maybe I was letting my imagination get the best of me . Maybe it was an accident when he brushed the front of himself against my shoulder when he was fixing my hair . Maybe he was just going to get his mail when he got in the elevator with me . I can 't ruin this guy 's reputation without being sure that something was going to happen . But something did happen . He was wildly inappropriate and I was too afraid NOT to pretend he wasn 't being wildly inappropriate . I chose to act as if it was not a big deal to keep the situation from escalating . Perhaps that was the right thing to do to protect myself , but not telling someone about it was bullshit . I was a young girl without the confidence to tell the story when it should have been told . So here it is . Sadly , it 's not a special story . I imagine most of us women have these kinds of stories ; some not quite as scary , and some much more terrifying . Maybe it 's time we all start telling our stories . Like the author of the blog said , " Just listen . " I was 19 - years old and still fairly new to the modeling world . When you are new and don 't have a lot of work experience behind you to fill your portfolio with " tear sheets , " your agent will suggest you " test " shoot with photographers . This can be expensive so there is often a list available of wannabe fashion photographers trying to break into the business who are willing to test for only the cost of the developing and prints . I chose one such photographer . When I arrived , I met his wife who was on her way out the door . They seemed like a nice young couple , probably in their late 20s to early 30s . There were no red flags whatsoever at that point . The other model and I took turns shooting against a white wall in his kitchen that was next to a big window that had nice natural light . While she changed outfits , he would shoot me , and vice versa . The apartment was small , but there was enough room in the bathroom for her and I to cram all our stuff in there where we could refresh make - up , change our hair , and change outfits . The photographer seemed okay , though he had a nervous energy about him . He appeared to know what he was doing and had the right equipment . Back before the digital age , there was always a Polaroid camera used first to check lighting , etc . , before the photographer would use actual film . The Polaroids looked good and he was secure enough with his abilities to suggest minor movements for the best shots . After a few hours of the other model and I taking turns , I was getting tired and hungry and was ready to call it a day . Things seemed to be winding down when he told the other girl that she could leave . He said he had enough shots for her and that he just wanted to do a few more with me . He told me to put on the white top that I had previously shown him ; the one that when I first had shown him he said , " white won 't really work . " When I said , " I thought white won 't work , " he told me the lighting had changed and it should be okay for one last series of photos . This was my first moment of uneasiness . I didn 't really like that I would be alone there with him . While he seemed nice , our rapport wasn 't easy . I 'd shot with quite a few photographers at that point and I had never felt uneasy around any of them , even when I was alone with them . I shook it off , said my goodbyes to the other girl , and went to the bathroom to change my outfit . When I came out he had me sit on a stool . This is when things started to get weird . He became much more touchy . It was common for photographers without an assistant to fix out - of - place hair , or adjust your clothing during a shoot , but he had only done that to a bare minimum . Now he kept touching me ; fixing my hair , lifting my chin , moving my head … There was a very definable shift in his behavior with this shoot compared to the others that day , but I was minimizing everything he was doing . I was having an internal battle with myself . I told myself he was married . I told myself I was blowing things out of proportion . I actually let him unbutton the top button of my blouse and pull it open more . He said , " We have enough wholesome shots , how about some sexy ones ? " I didn 't respond , but I did exactly as I was told , including " lean forward and purse your lips . " Ugh . The original duck lips . I was afraid to not comply . I was afraid things could turn ugly . My instincts were telling me that as long as he didn 't sense my fear or see that I was uncomfortable , then I could control the situation , but I was also thinking very clearly on how I was going to get myself out of there . I 'd had enough . I said , " Can we stop for a minute , I need to use the restroom ? " I walked into the bathroom and quickly gathered up all of my things and shoved them in my bag . I made a mental note of where my coat was , which was on a chair by the door , and then , with my keys in my hand , I took a deep breath , walked out , and said , " Actually , I think we have enough today . I need to leave now if I 'm going to beat rush hour traffic . " I could see that he was stunned as I walked toward the door with all of my stuff . His eyes were wide . He said , " I 'll go down with you . " My heart leapt to my throat . Why , I thought . Why does he want to go down with me ? He lived on an upper floor in an old building with an elevator that had a gate . The hallway was dark and dank . I had no idea where the stairs were and in my attempt to act as normal as possible , I couldn 't see a way out of not getting on the elevator with him . So I did . I pressed the button for the ground floor as he closed that gate on us and then stood there on high alert . Almost immediately the elevator stopped and the door opened one floor below his . An elderly man opened the gate and stepped on , and with him , the biggest sense of relief washed over me . I said hello to him with probably a little too much enthusiasm , but at that moment , I felt like that old guy was my savior . This morning as I was walking the boys to school I was reflecting on the progress they have made this past year , though really I think the shift has been in just the last few months . I was forced to reflect upon this because Liam wouldn 't stop talking . When we came to the crosswalk he said , " Wait ! " And he was yelling at the cars to stop . I said , " That 's right , we have to wait for all the cars to stop . " This made me smile because I 'm the one that usually tells them to wait each and every time we approach the corner . I often talk to the boys the entire walk to school even though I may be the only one talking . I know that this is one of the best things you can do to help children learn language and communications skills and with their delays in this area , well , I just keep talking . This morning Liam took over . It seems that all of a sudden he is bursting with vocabulary that had previously been held in some part of his brain that he didn 't have access to . Sure , he had a lot of words , but now he has phrases , questions , comments , and answers . It 's wonderful . He basically had a commentary going about everything on our walk . After we crossed the street , he looked straight up and said , " What 's that ? " I said , " That 's the sky , and clouds , " and he said , " and birds , there are birds flying . " I said , " That 's right ! They are waaaay up high . I didn 't see them until you told me ! " At the same time , the first drops of rain started to fall . He said , " That 's rain , that 's water from the sky . " Then a woman passed us with a stroller . He said , " Hi baby . " Then we walked up the hill and he said , " There 's a baseball game . " I explained the difference between a baseball game and a baseball field . He was already onto , " There 's a gate . It opens . " You get the idea . Last night he had a commentary with his dad in the kitchen as the pizza was cooking in the oven . There 's a lot to be said while you are hungry and waiting for your favorite pizza . I could tell Mike was loving it and what I 'm realizing is that these are the first real conversations taking hold . With that , I 'm noticing that he is finding his voice . For the most part , he is an easy going kid and very compliant , but the other night he yelled at his dad , " Get out of my room ! " Mike said , " Okay . " Finn is making good progress with talking too , but I can probably save his story for another blog . Suffice it to say he has a very strong will and prefers things to go his way . For example , he won 't walk to school without his stuffed kitty . He 's fine to hand it over when we get to his class so I can take it back home though . I 'm not sure what people think when they see a grown woman walking with a stuffed kitty in her arms . I don 't pick up . I 'm standing by the machine listening to my mother 's voice tell me that she wants to stop by and see the baby . She can 't . I don 't pick up because I don 't know what to tell her . My baby is fine . He 's warm and loved and fed . I 'm not fine , but she won 't be ignored . I know this about her . An hour passes and she rings again . This time I pick up as soon as I hear her voice . Sorry mom , I just got home , I lied . No , today won 't work . I 'm heading out again . She wants to know where I 'm going . Not enough time has passed between childhood and adulthood . She is still the mother telling me what to do . She tells me it 's too cold to take the baby out and she 's right . I 'm actually not taking the baby out . I 've been hiding in my house all day . I will hide in my house the remainder of the week . Maybe tomorrow , I say . Then what ? What will I say tomorrow ? I will say I 'm sick . I must put her off . She doesn 't believe me . You don 't sound sick . It 's a stomach thing . Let 's plan for Friday . Friday I will appear to be fine , I tell myself . I open the door on Friday . She is snuggling the baby as I sit watching , waiting , hoping . She looks up with a smile that begins to fade . She is studying my face . What 's wrong with your eye ? Nothing . You have a faded bruise under your eye . Oh that . The dog jumped up as I bent down , I lied . 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Camp Glacier Hills … the name says just how the water was of this beautiful lake . Being fed from streams coming from the mountain range and meandering through several hills , the water was cold , refreshing during the summer , but during the winter hypothermia came within mere minutes . This made the camp very popular during the summer time . The first owners were a large group of investors who saw this little piece of uninhabited land as the perfect spot to make money . It was but six miles from the town named Burrough , the town started out as a prospecting camp , grew steadily , collapsed when the gold was gone and the only thing keeping it alive was travellers who took the shorter route from Newton to Strousburg , it wasn 't really a short cut , only taking two hours from your travelling time as it meandered through the hills , but it was a very scenic route with it 's brush and fir , even some pine as well . The streams glinted in the sun , creating the image of silver veins between the lush green , winter rain fell heavily and only fishermen would brave the lake during that time , so the inhabitants were never more than ten a week at the camp . Burrough itself was said to be named after the finding father Alexander Burroughs , other said that the place was actually named Borrow , but that the Office of Registration thought the name to be misspelled and that the agent who worked with the Registration formed was Arthur Burrough and that is how the town became known as Burrough . When the camp opened , Burrough lifted it 's head again , grocers could get stock , Diners could sell food and summer time brought Burrough back onto the map and so it went on for six whole years . Then tragedy struck , not only the town , but several campers ' families as well , a young boy drowned and his father who was in town for supplies , came to the camp to find out that the one he had doted on most drowned , all because his wife was busy talking to a younger man . This cracked his sanity and he took his hunting knife to his wife , when people tried to stop him , he went at them as well , in his insane rage and grief there was not much anybody could do to stop him . When the Police arrived , he actually stabbed an officer and was shot dead , that left a body count of twenty dead and six in serious condition . The reputation of the camp suffered severely and the owners had to close down the camp after years went by and nobody wished to use the site . Six years later an oil baron bought out the land , he wanted to refurbish it and donate it to the Boy Scout foundation . Six months into renovation one of the workers came stumbling into town , bloodied and exhausted . It seemed like one of the other workers had gone postal and started killing his mates with a fire axe . The man got away after releasing a pile of lumber posts which was suspended by a crane , to be used the next day on one of the cabins . Police investigated , found thirty dead and a man holding a fire axe in one hand crushed to death under a pile of lumber posts . Now nobody wished to go work there and again the camp fell into disrepair . Six years passed and the oil baron died , leaving Camp Glacier Hills to Chris Redds in his will . Chris Redds haven 't heard from his old school buddy David Readings for years , being included into his will was a shock . Chris Redds inspected the new grounds he now possessed and started renovation ; it took his almost a total of ten months to get the camp ready and fixed . The water was still clear and cold , mists still drifted on the top of the water on chilly mornings , it was a beautiful place , but the name Glacier Hills never was a place that you wanted to visit with your family . Chriss Redds applied for a rename and it was approved , Camp Pine Lake came into being and pretty soon visitors came and the word spread about the camp . It never reached it 's previous fame , but the camp was a quiet get - away for families and Chris Redds made the money back he had spent , he used the rest upgrade the camp , build new cabins and employ a groundskeeper and after he had heard about the reason for the first killing spree , he employed a temporary life guard and things seemed to go quite well at Camp Pine Lake . Clyde was born to quite a normal family , his father a tax agent , his mother a house wife , he was the only child . From an early age Clyde was fascinated with guns and knives , never did he show any inkling of being unstable , he did well in school , better on the sport field , he graduated with honours and left for college . In college he studied for a chemical engineer , he found that the effects of chemicals on living and dead tissue fascinated him . His fascination grew until one evening he locked one of his fellow students inside of a glass cage they used to test gasses on plants and released a neurotoxin . He studied the effects with glee , unlocked the cage , sabotaged the release button and called campus security . A full investigation was launched and Clyde was removed as the only suspect and the fatality written off as a tragedy , an accident which happened due to equipment failure . This set things in motion for Clyde , he decided to not use chemicals , it could be traced to him and even backlash on him . Guns and knives was his answer and that was what he turned to , the black market wasn 't very difficult to find , he bought an assault rifle , which was legal under constitution , but illegally bought , a hunting rifle and of course enough ammunition . His killing spree lasted for two weeks , several agencies was looking for him by the time he went to ground , the last person he killed had fought back , leaving him with quite a scar on his face . He knew that hiding away for a few years was his only answer and the man known as " Hunter " suddenly fell from the grid , the law agencies have not forgotten about him and they continued their man - hunt . The only thing that Clyde really liked about the little town he had chosen for his retreat was that it was off the grid , low rent and had been rocked by several setbacks in the past . He had gotten himself a home gym and spent his time working out , by the end of two years he had grown into quite a huge man , where he had been 6 ' 8 " with a mass of 240lbs he now stood at 6 ' 8 " and 310lbs . When he went out his clothes was baggy , his hood up and a cap with sunglasses . The townspeople have accepted him as a loner ; they wondered where he got his money from , but were too thankful for the income to ask . When the old groundskeeper at Camp Pine Lake left , Clyde applied for the job and soon found himself on the grounds of a place which had struck fear into the hearts and minds of many people twenty and fourteen years ago . Clyde was in his element , he did his work perfectly and was almost never seen , he of course stayed in Burrough , which suited everybody concerned just fine . Every now and then he would see his face in the newspaper or on a television , but nobody ever placed two and two together and so Clyde remained in Burrough , spending his spare time on his home gym and his working time doing everything Mr Redds left on the notice board for him to do . If the fact that Mr Redds never saw Clyde bothered him , he never said so , he just seemed pleased that the work was done , fast and efficiently . Mia stared at the Dean with a look of total and absolute lack of concern . They stared at each other for what seemed like hours . The silence was deafening to the once super bubbly rising young teacher . The Dean sighed and slid a brochure to her . Mia grabbed it and looked at it with a mixture of disdain and slight hysteria . " You 're sending me to camp ? " She asked with that slight edge of mania in her voice . " Like I 'm one of your students ? " " Mia , it 's a place for you to relax for the summer . " He held up his hand stopping her protests . " I know you still have a few weeks left of your classes and that 's taken care of . It 's been 6 months since Jon was killed in that freak chemical accident . We 're all very sorry it happened . " " We were supposed to get married , " Mia said softly as tears threatened her vision . " What ? " The Dean asked , but Mia shook her head and promised to go to the camp . Supposedly at this time of year it would be busy , but from the looks of it her rented out cabin would be on the edge of the outskirts . Meaning she 'll be miles from the nearest neighbor or child , but still close enough to ' feel ' included . Mia was a psychology teacher . She knew what they were trying to do , but she doubted it was going to work . She had felt that Jon was her soul mate and now that he was gone she wasn 't sure what she was going to do . It seemed as if she blinked and she was standing in front of the cabin . Seriously , she was starting to wonder if she was losing her mind . She remembered being in the Dean 's office and now she was standing in front of the cabin watching a car drive away that had obviously drove her here . Her heart pounding she glanced at her cell phone glad it got some sort of reception and checked the calendar . She had lost 3 days . What the hell ? Mia was more determined than ever to find a friend . Just one . If she could make that attempt than she could slowly get her life back together . A blackout ? ! She never had one before and she didn 't want to do that again . Maybe she could find another lone woman who wouldn 't mind long silences and the peaceful quiet . In the distance she heard a kid scream , but it was shrilly and full of laughter . She was glad she was far enough out that they couldn 't bother her . She lugged her suitcases into the foyer and left them . Her cabin had 2 floors and it seemed every room had a fireplace . It was rustically modern and she was happy to see it was already stocked with food and water so she didn 't have to go shopping . Mia smiled . She had a great boss . The Dean went above and beyond to preserve her sanity . Mia made a fire and sat down on the rug looking at the fire . Mia didn 't think she had been there long , but when she glanced out of the window she was shocked to see it was dark . She hadn 't blacked out just lost track of time , but to lose hours still scared her . She went to one of her bags and thought she heard a noise . She went out onto her porch and stared out into the darkness somehow finding comfort in it . Just like that she thought to go out for a walk . Insane ? Maybe . It wasn 't long before she found a small part of the lake that was secluded like her cabin . Seriously , it was like she had her own little pond and as she stared at the water she smiled . It was like she was the old Mia . She pulled off her shoes , socks , and jeans and dove into the water . It felt great . " Jon would have loved this , " she said outloud to herself and just that quick her high was gone . The tears were coming down her face though she didn 't make a sound . Instead she ducked her head under the water to rinse them away before slowly padding to her clothes and walking the long distance home . He had seen the woman arrive , but she seemed dazed , confused and then suddenly came awake . From his vantage point in the shadow of the tool shed he could make out what she looked like . She went inside of her cabin and he continued with his work , it was dark when he got done and as he walked his usual route , he noticed firelight from the cabin . He moved to look through the slightly parted curtains only to find her on her way outside , he slipped to the corner and watched her walk away . He followed her , sstaying in the underbrush , the carpet of needles keeping the movement of his feet quiet . It was just as he had been told . He watched her enjoy the cold water , then got dressed and walked back to the cabin . He stared after her until she disappeared from his view , for some strange reason his hands were curled up , ready to grab hold of a throat and squeazing and with his bulk it would 've been easy . . . he walked back to the town , behind him the lake stirred like some giant beast stirred in it 's slumber and then it grew still once more . The next day found Clyde back at the camp , the woman still on his mind as he carried on with his chores . She seemed . . . familiar , he mulled this over , not really getting the answer , yet knowing he knew the answer . One of his chores was to float out the collapsable pier and settle it in where the smaller children could swim and be attended after as well . He finished this and by then it was mid - day , he spent his lunch sitting in the shadows of trees and watching the furthest cabin , his mind searching for an answer as to why the woman looked familiar . Mia slept like the dead . She couldn 't believe that in the city she could hardly sleep , but out here she had slept so soundly . Maybe it was the weather or it could be the conscious decision to stop mourning . That was the psychological explanation . Technically she didn 't care . She was just happy to have slept with no dreams , no nightmares , and no waking up in the middle of the night crying . Damn , she hated those night . Mia checked her phone and it was mid day so she made brunch and ate while sitting on the porch . She could hear the children , but today this didn 't annoy her as much . Especially since she realized it was the wind bringing the sounds of laughter to her . She wondered exactly how far away she was from the rest of the camp . She decided to go exploring pulling on a pair of boots and deciding shorts and a tshirt was great hiking gear . Mia hadn 't gone more than 20 minutes when she saw that there used to be cabins that were closer . These were the remains of burnt down cabins and her curiosity got the better of her . Apparently this had been the site of a fire , or from the looks of one of the other cabins , bulldozed . Why ? And why leave her lone cabin by itself ? Still she was grateful that she didn 't even have to interact with anyone , but what had happened here ? Probably some stupid idiot falling asleep with a cigarette in their hands and burning down a log cabin . People . Mia yawned and though she had woken up a few hours earlier decided she could do with a nap . She hiked back to her cabin and realized she was getting too used to the country life . She hadn 't locked her doors . Still it looked like nothing had been messed with . She kicked off her boots leaving them on the porch and went inside . She had set up the fire in the fireplace once more and curled up on the couch watching the flames , letting them lull her into a deep slumber . He watched her as she sat out on the porch and as she walked towards the old cabins , a memory stirred in the back of his mind , but he was not sure what the memory was in the first place . He gently shook his head to clear it , as time progressed here close the lake , the more he seemed to get these foggy flash - backs , memories and at times a voice seemed to whisper to him . But he knew it was only the wind brushing through the leaves of the trees and that the others most likely came from the old pictures he had seen in the papers . He smirked as the woman headed back to her cabin , leaving her boots next to the door , he slipped closer to the cabin . He sneaked up onto the porch , picking up one of the boots it was much lighter than he had thought . He inspected the boot , pulling an old rag from his back pocket , he wiped it clean , then he did the same with the other boot . He inspected them both and then placed them next to the door , but on the other side , neatly and squared , backside of the boots facing the door , just ready to place your feet into them . Mia woke up and checked her phone . The battery was getting low and she had slept for 3 hours . Not bad . She stretched and padded to the kitchen looking at all the food with disdain . It wasn 't that she didn 't like what was there or cooking , but she didn 't feel like cooking . " My haven 't I gotten lazy , " she said to herself . Her frown deepened . She didn 't like how her voice sounded . It didn 't sound quite like her yet . Mia padded upstairs and threw on a jean skirt and black spaghetti strapped shirt . She pulled the dark blue and black flannel shirt off the hanger and put that on as well . She would wear her cowboy boots that she left at the door to complete the outfit . She was going to go into town and get something to eat . Yes , it was nearly an hour walk , but she should get out . The old Mia would have done something like this . Mia took her ID , one credit card , and some cash and stuffed it into her back pocket . She glanced at her hair deciding it looked okay and walked out of her cabin . She looked over to where her boots should have been and her heart paused . They were gone ! Someone took them ! Mia turned to go back in the house when she saw her boots . . . on the other side of the doorframe . . . clean and propped up . Mia blinked . She distinctly remembering kicking her boots off . Hell , she knew herself . She always kicked her shoes off at the door . It was Jon who always straightened them up . Had she channeled Jon somehow and straightened up her boots ? But . . . when ? And where was the dirt and mud she remembered seeing on them ? Mia blinked back tears . Was Jon still taking care of her ? " Jon ? JON ! " Mia clamped her hand over her mouth . She was being stupid . There was no such thing as ghosts . Mia kicked at her boots noting where they fell . One was halfway across the porch and the other toppled on it 's side . Mia almost straightened them in case Jon thought she didn 't appreciate him , but she knew that was ridiculous . Jon was dead . Ghosts weren 't real . Mia didn 't feel like going out and she went back into the cabin leaving the door op __________________ He had finished up early and strolled back to town , he took the scenic route , all along the edge of the lake , then one little stream which flowed off towards town , the little stream joined the main river which flowed about half a mile from the town 's center , meandering as it went it 's merry way . He followed the stream , crossing the river at the junction leading to the town and forking off along the route and the camp . He got home not much later , after a quick snack made of jerky and eggs , he sat in his favorite chair which looked out over the town . How many days had he watched the people through the cross - hairs of his rifle , how easy it would have been . . . he smiled and closed his eyes . It was like a dream , he watched as the road passed next to him , the sign said : Welcome to Camp Pine Lake ! He watched as the trees stirred and passed him , the lake laid placid and calm , the pier bobbing gently , creating waves of it 's own as the gentle breeze pushed against it . A few camp fires glinted over the water , the breeze carried the sound of their voices over to him . The cabin loomed before him , he took a step onto the back porch 's stairs , another one , his boot scuffed against something , it was a boot . He ignored it and moved on , his shadow fell on the screen door , illuminated by the faint light of a dieing moon . He pushed against the screen door and it swung open silently , he moved in , closing the door softly behind him . He moved further along the short hallway , he could see her as she sat at the table , a plate in front of her , a frown on her face . He stood there , studying her , why was she so familiar ? He slowly retraced his steps after spending a long few moments studying her , outside the cooler air stirred a memory , the boots was back where he had placed them , his brow furrowed , trying to remember . . . Mia blinked and looked down . Her bowl was partially empty and when she brought the spoon up to her mouth it was cold as ice . How long had she been sitting there ? Dammit , she was regressing . Mia felt an itch on the side of her face and when she swiped at it she realized it was tears . She sat there and let the tears come . She cried and bawled and when she was exhausted and could cry no more she got up and cleaned up the kitchen . As she washed dishes she found looking outside into the darkness was soothing . Maybe she had pushed herself too hard . She should try going slower . She 'll give herself 3 weeks before going into town . She 'll work her way up into being more social . The dishes , washed , dried , and put up Mia suddenly felt trapped . She rushed out onto the porch and took in deep lungful breaths of fresh air . She closed her eyes and felt better after a few minutes . " Jon . I miss you so much . " She turned slowly to see if the porch was big enough for a chair . Maybe she 'll just sit outside when she saw her boots . . . stacked neatly . . . as they were before . Mia clamped a hand across her face as her eyes widen in horror . Her heart race and adrenaline pumped through her . She knew for a fact she had left her boots scattered . She knew this for a fact . . . right ? She did lose a chunk of time . just now . She couldn 't have been sitting at that table for hours as the soup got cold . . . did she ? What had she done ? Where was that time ? He turned from the window and went about his nightly rituals , it was time to get some rest and he fell into bed , much more tired than usual . It was strange , it was like he have traveled so much more today than usually . Shrugging he turned onto his side and promptly fell asleep . The next morning he woke up quite early , the grey light of the coming day had not even started to infiltrate the dark of night , he got up , had a good , hard workout followed with a nice cold shower , got dressed and went through the things he had stored away , his pretty little vials with their chemical agents , some would explode on impact , some could burn away the skin . He sat for a few hours , going over his collection , a few drops in the town 's water supply and he could wipe it out and the happy campers would be so easy to kill off . A cold smile came to his face , he could even murder not just the lake , but the rest of the countryside as well . . . but that was not what he wanted . . . what did he really want ? He frowned as he thought this question over , a few minutes later found him preparing breakfast and gathering what he needed for the day working at the camp . Mia had went to bed and stared at the ceiling . She had watched the room get brighter and brighter and then the sun walk across her room and then the room get darker and darker . She had moved only twice . Once to go pee when the feeling got too unbearable and the second to get a glass of water . She hadn 't moved since . She stayed in the bed not thinking , not moving , not sleeping . Suddenly , Mia was in a bright warm clearing . It smelled like springtime and . . and . . Johnny . She knew this smell . It was male masculine scent , mixed with chemicals . She turned in a circle trying to pin point where he was at , but she couldn 't . She stared down at herself and saw she was naked . She blinked wondering where her clothes was . She felt his hand on her stomach creeping higher and cupping her breast . She moaned . " Jon ! " She could feel him , but couldn 't see him . This was his spirit teasing her , touching her , loving her . " Oh Jon ! " Just like that the dream ended . Mia sat up breathing hard with her own hand on her neck . She felt elation that she had been with Jon last night . But her mind wouldn 't let her accept that . It rationalized that she had probably slept on her hand until there was no blood going through it and it was cold and alien feeling and she had touched herself and in her grief stricken state had assumed it was her dead lover 's hand on her body . Damn her clinical mind . Mia burst into tears and pulled the covers back over her head . The hike to the campsite took him through the woods , it felt like he was retracing the steps of a dream , a not so long ago dream he had . He arrived at the camp site in good spirits , the day was cool , probably ready to heat up later during the day , there was a scattered cloud cover and he carried a new toy of his . A machete he had found half buried close to the lake . It had taken quite a lot of his skills to remove the rust without damaging the blade too much , the grip was home - made , finely crafted teak with hollows for finger holds . The wood was easy to revitalize , it was strong , well - seated and the rivets keeping it fixed to the machete blade was still in good condition , he had replaced the threadbare leather thong , which was threaded through a hole in the grip , with a ripcord . The edge he had worked days on and now it was close to razor sharp , he had tested it on a two inch bough and it cut cleanly through the wood , leaving the edge basically untouched . He set to work , stoically ignoring the cabin where the object of fascination , but why was she his fascination ? Perhaps because he had no idea was why he stayed away from her cabin today , or perhaps he just stayed away because he would be visiting her soon ? He chuckled softly as he tied down the canvas over one of the condolas , most of the campers wasn 't out yet and he was quickly finishing his public areas job . By the time the first people ventured outside to sample the fresh morning air with their first or second cup of the day , he was already back in the storage sheds , counting stocks and organizing the foodstuffs in the pantry . Not even the kitchen personnel can say that they have ever seen him face - to - face , in fact nobody at the camp have ever seen his face . Though his bulk was not easy to conceal , the only thing they knew about him was that he was big and that was round about all they knew . He found himself standing just out of sight of the furthest cabin , the boots still placed neatly where he had left them . He sucked on his teeth , his mind trying to place the woman , yet he constantly failed to place her , like she was a trial of smoke you try to pin to a wall . Mia 's stomach grumbled painfully . She pulled the cover from over her face and wiped the crust from her eyes . It was dark in the room . She glanced at her phone , but the battery was dead . She plugged it up and glanced at the time . It was 1 : 24 in the morning . She sighed and padded down to the kitchen where she grabbed a bag of chips and began munching while looking out the kitchen window . Mia had no thoughts . She just ran on automatic , placing one hand in the bag , getting a chip , taking hand out of the bag , placing chip in mouth , chewing , swallowing and repeat process . Mia didn 't stop into the bag was empty . She leaned over and using a drying cup got herself a cup of water from the sink . She swallowed it all and slowly her mind started to come to . She was slowly going insane and she had to stop it . She took in a deep breath and frowned . She smelled . A bath was what she needed and she remembered the secluded pond . Without a second thought Mia went to the linen closet retrieved a towel and stepped outside onto the porch . She stopped seeing her boots and picked them both up . She then threw one far out to the right and the other far out to the left . She laughed and went down the steps heading towards the pond . Mia hadn 't thought of a bathing suit , but at this time of night no one should be out , this far out , and could see her . So she easily stripped completely down and waded into the water . The water was cold at this time of night , but she quickly warmed up to the water and sighed . She was floating on her back staring at the stars and she knew she had to have been for at least 20 minutes . She slowly inhaled and let herself sink below the water . She just floated to the bottom . 1 minute went by and she kept her eyes close as she stayed under water , 2 minutes and she could feel her heart hammering in her chest , 3 minutes and her body started to twitch under the water . 3 minutes and 13 seconds and her body forced itself to the surface and she gasped for air . She wasn 't trying to kill herself . She just liked the complete sil __________________ He ventured off to do more chores , knowing that she was in the cabin , he sat down on a fallen log and wondered why his sudden fascination with this woman , why the sudden urge to kill off a whole town if that town was what kept him safe and hidden ? Movement caught his eye and he watched her as she tossed her boots to the sides of the porch , her laugh edging on hysteria , it brought a smile to his face as he watched her walk passed him , down to the side of the lake where very few people came . He was one of the people who did go there . He waited for her to move out of sight , then moved over to pick up her boots and placed them on the top step , neatly facing down the stairs . His long strides took him across the clearing and back into the woods , he made his way down to the lake , finding her wasn 't very hard since she had picked a pond feeding from the lake as the lake itself was far too cold to enjoy at this time of the day . He stood next to a tree looking intently at her as she floated in the water , seemingly lost to her thoughts and world . Mia wasn 't sure how long she was there . She stared at the stars and seeing a shooting star she made a wish . " I wish for Jon to rest in peace and go to where he belongs . I will be okay Jon , my love , move on . " Suddenly Mia got that feeling she was being watched . Her heart hammered and she drove her feet downwards suddenly sinking under the water . She splashed to the top treading water as she looked down onto the banks . " JON ! " She screamed . He was gone . Maybe he was here and she sent him away . Mia felt worse actually . She slowly swam back to the bank and walked out of the water . The wind chilled her and she pulled on her shorts dragging it over her wet body before doing the same to her shirt . She shivered slightly in the wind and began the long trek back home . Once she reached the stairs she saw her boots and this time she wasn 't afraid . Jon had been here watching her . She didn 't care what her rational mind said . He had been trying to take care of her . She smiled looking at them . " Thank you Jon . I pray you have moved on . This time I promise . I 'm going to be okay . " Mia felt watched again and then the feeling dissipated . she didn 't turn around . She thought it was Jon moving on . She finally felt better . She was . Going to be . Okay . John Harker , the lab partner he had killed , he had a girlfriend named Mia , she used to call him Jon . He watched from behind the tree as she got out and got dressed , her naked body gleaming in the night light as it was still wet from the cool water . He could see what Johny saw in her , but apparently it was not just her body that had attracted John , it was her mind . He smirked , that very mind seemed to be straining and ready to break . He didn 't follow her immediately , he waited for her to gain some distance and then quietly followed her , slipping through shadows like a big cat would stalk it 's prey . She paused at the boots and he could hear some snatches of her words on the light breeze , he stepped behind a tree , just in case she should turn and find him standing there . He waited for her to enter , he gave her even a few more minutes to settle in and then he moved out from behind the tree , he picked up the boots , scuffing them in the ground at the treeline to pick up dirt again , then he went to place them exactly how he had found them after she had tossed them apart from each other . He smiled at this little game he was playing and then left , his work done for the day as was his little game with the woman who appeared to be Mia , a little bit of his past coming to visit very unexpectedly . Mia went into the house and felt . . . confined , claustrophobic , like it was too much house on her . She turned in a slow circle trying to get her bearings and decided she should go back outside . But she was wet and her clothes were clinging to her in a way that made her seem whorish . She walked up the stairs and grabbed a towel . She had found a nice yellow dress and sighed . This was the first step . The first step . The first step . It was slowly becoming her mantra . Mia didn 't want to go into town , but maybe she 'll sit out on the porch , though she already knew she would go for a walk . She walked into the den and grabbed a flashlight . She felt stupid for taking it . She had been out at night what 3 times by now and hadn 't taken a flashlight , but now that she was on the path of recovery she was noticing how stupid she had been acting . She hadn 't even taken a weapon . What if she was attacked by a bear or something ? Mia hadn 't realized she had put down the flashlight as she walked out of the house onto the porch . She looked for the boots , but they were gone . Confused she looked around and saw they were dirty and spread apart . Mia blinked slowly trying to make sense of everything . She saw down on the steps staring at the boots . She remembered they were kicked off her feet just like that , but . . . they were arranged in order when she had seen them again . Now they were . . . but . . . was she crazy ? ! Mia felt her mind snapping and just like that she was reacting . She stuffed her feet into the boots not caring that they didn 't match her dress and walked into the dark . She was on the road heading not towards the nearest town , but just walking . A car stopped and she got in . She didn 't say anything as the driver tried to make small talk . She barely registered it was an older female who kept giving her weird glances . There was a building with a big sign that said BAR . Mia pointed and the woman gave Mia another weird glance and pulled into the parking lot . Mia shrugged and got out . The woman looked torn as she watched Mia go inside . Mia heard the car pull away as she had to wait for her eyes to adjust to the light in the bar . Or lack of light . There were so many pockets of darkness Mia couldn 't tell how many people were in the bar or anything . Hell she could barely see 5 feet in front of her and the music was loud . It sounded more like instrumental thumping than any lyrics or the juke box was broken . Mia went to the bar . " What do you want ? " The bartender looked her up and down and slid her a shot glass and beer . " Swallow that in one gulp and then drink the beer so you won 't throw up on my bar . " Mia nodded and followed his instructions . She immediately began coughing and choking and ordered another one . She was lucky that in the pocket of her dress she had an old credit card and she started a tab . He was taking the long route , along the road . Several cars passed him , but since he did not ask for a lift , it seemed that they basically ignored him , or just perhaps his bulk deterred anybody from wanting to pick him up . At the crossing was the darker place of the community , the Diving Weasel Bar , bikers frequented it , but they kept their destruction to the bar and away from the town , so things stayed quiet in town , only the occasional drag race through the town occurred . A car pulled in as Clyde approached the crossing and even at a distance he recognized the woman as she got out , she was wearing the boots along with a dress and he grinned at himself , obviously she wasn 't thinking straight and that worked for him . But when she entered the Bar alone he frowned , that would not do . He walked up to the bar and stepped inside , a general hush went through the Bar , he walked up to the counter at the far side and took a seat , He watched her as she drank and he paid for his own drink in cash , well then , clearly she was shaken up . That was good . Good for him that is . Mia was very tipsy and just about drunk . She wasn 't talking to anyone though a few men had tried talking to her . She had heard herself being called a bitch for being so damn gloomy or just for not looking at them , but she was lost in thought . Mia turned feeling a general unease come across the bar . She wasn 't sure why , but she saw an empty booth . " Caaaaaaan I 's take the bottle oh der , ' " she hadn 't thought she was slurring , but the bartender got it . He gave her the bottle a small glass and a new bottle of beer . She slowly stumbled over to the booth and sat down with a plop . She poured herself a drink just like she saw the bartender do and then gulped it . " Hello , sexy ! " Mia turned with a small jump and looked to her left . The booth wasn 't empty . It was just dark and she thought it was . " Saaaawy . Thought empty . I go . " " No baby you don 't need to go . " He slid his arms over her shoulders , but Mia wasn 't paying attention . Above the man 's head was a tv over the bar muted . There was a news program on and she could read the close captioning . They were talking about her college . She felt the tears start to come as feelings assaulted her . He saw her looking in his direction , she was clearly not sober anymore , but she wasn 't too drunk , just more perceptive to most things than she usually would be . In silence he saw her take a bottle and beer , heading over for a booth , there was a man , by her reaction she clearly didn 't know the man was there , but when she seemed oblivious to the man 's touch and focused behind him , he turned his attention to the television set . After a few shots of the college and some of the students , then families of his victims spoke to the camera , his mug shot appeared along with a scrolling marque about how armed and dangerous he is . |
My Mother always tried her best to bring my flighty , romantic little brain solidly back to earth . She was always reminding me that life isn 't one of my romance novels . I fought her hard on that one . I never wanted to give in a believe that those magical moments , the romance , the adventure weren 't real . I felt somehow that if I gave in and believed her it would suck all of it out of my future . And I wanted it oh so badly . I wanted to fall hopelessly and madly in love . I wanted to have crazy adventures and travel the world . I wanted to have those picture perfect moments , I wanted the little women sweetness of sisterhood moments and the Last of the Mohican 's " I will find you " kiss . I wanted it all . The other day talking to one of my dearest friends I said something that hurt my heart just a little . I said that we read books to escape the mundane reality of life . Turns out my Mother didn 't need to try to convince me of the hopelessness of my romanticism . Life would do it well enough on its own . But you see . During those teenage years filled with longing I learned something . Something that I had forgotten , and only just now remembered . Life is what you make it . Movies and books are full of wonderful exotic and romantic moments but so is life ! The only difference is that books skip all the boring moments in between and in real life you see them all . But I firmly believe that if you don 't allow the mundane moments to cloud your vision and alter your perspective you will see , feel and experience in all its wonderful fullness the fantastical moments of your very own story . I used to imagine my life through the eyes of a book . I used to read it in my mind how it might read if it were a story and I found that it really wasn 't far off . I could see many many moments of my life depicted in a novel I just had to imagine it it . I remember one time frantically gathering my music at the last - minute for a Christmas recital . The family was all trying to get ready in time , there was yelling going on to remember this or that and to please not sit on the lemon bars . It was a mundane moment that with the right perspective seemed story book worthy . And it made it so much more fun to experience it when I saw it for what it was . A future memory . Tonight I sat watching a romantic movie and thinking about how that part of my life is now over and I am an old married woman . But you know what I got my story ! I rode on a motorcycle , the wind in my hair and the sun setting at my back and fell in love with the man of my dreams in a foreign exotic country . I 've experienced utter exhilaration as I ran into my husbands arms after more than nine months a part . I 've held a new - born baby in my arms knowing that this little soul straight from heaven was created from the love that we share . I 've had my heart - broken ( as everyone should ) and I 've found healing , happiness , hope , and love . And now the mundane sets in again . I have diapers and dishes and laundry up to my eyeballs . I have late nights and crying babies and teething and hormones . But I truly believe that if I can remember the secret I learned as a teenager I can make even the mundane magical and I won 't miss those sweet moments when life could just slip by without my noticing . I will turn that movie off and LIVE each of those mundane moments vividly and with full consciousness of the fact that EVERY moment is part of my story and I can make it what I will ! After Joseph and I were married we moved into his apartment . There is really no way to describe those first few days of marriage . The strangeness of someones else 's home suddenly becoming your own . Joseph made room on his shelves for my clothes even though we were only going to be there a few days . Sunday , the day after the wedding was spent mostly on church activities and visiting with his family . Monday morning we woke up in our little apartment , crawled out of bed and sat in our pj 's eating left over wedding cake and opening gifts from our reception . Joseph left for work and I pulled out some tubs and started doing some much needed laundry . I could see the women in the houses next to ours watching me in my clumsy efforts to fill the jerry can repeatedly to fill the tubs . I started scrubbing the clothes and it wasn 't long before two girls from across the street came over and begged to help me . With their help it wasn 't long before I had two full lines filled with our dripping wet but clean clothes . The girls didn 't stop there they used the cleanest of the remaining water to wash the floors in our house and finally to clean our porch . They were so friendly and we laughed and talked as we worked together . I gave them some treats from the box of things that I still had left from what I had brought with me from Utah and we visited , looked at pictures and talked until their mothers called for them from across the street . The following morning Joseph woke me early to tell me he was leaving to go get a truck to help us move our things to our new apartment . Joseph 's apartment was not within a gated compound and he felt that it was safer for me to be inside a gate . He left and I started packing our things . I opened a drawer in a large cabinet that Joseph had and was met by three LARGE scurrying roaches . I screamed bloody murder and ran from the house almost tripping over my feet in my hurry to get away from them . My neighbors say on their porches laughing . I could see that they were thinking , " crazy mazungu " but they didn 't say it . I had gotten to know the two families that shared a porch with Joseph and I during the time that we were dating . They were very kind and had known Joseph since he was a boy . About the time I bolted out the front door I was greeted by the missionaries looking for my husband . They took care of the roaches for me and when Joseph arrived with the truck they helped us load everything up and take it to our new apartment . The next few days felt a little like living in one of my favorite pioneer era novels . I cleaned walls and floors , Joseph had an old cabinet whose glass top had broken that he was about the throw out . I had convinced him to keep it and I used a piece of plywood covered in laminate and nailed to the top as a counter top . I purchased a couple of basin 's from the market and asked Joseph to get the largest water jug he could find and put a spout on the bottom of it for me . He did and after propping it up on some bricks it fit perfectly over the basin and created a make shift sink . By leaving a couple of nails sticking out the sides of the cabinet I had hooks to hang hot pads , rags , and towels on . I had found some sheets that we weren 't using and a little sewing kit with needles and thread that Joseph had and sewed some curtains using string and nails to string them up to serve as cupboard doors for our shelves . It would make a perfect cabinet to store our food . Sister Casperson , one of the Senior missionary couples had given me a cutting board , and several empty cookie containers that worked perfectly as canisters to store flour , beans , rice , and other food . I went shopping and filled our shelves so that I would be able to cook us dinner . I was pretty proud of my little kitchen ! Figuring out how to cook on the charcoal stove was a little harder . After several failed attempts at starting the coals on fire I went to knock on the neighbors door to ask for help . Her name was Josephine and she was very kind . She came and showed me how to melt a plastic bag and use the dripping plastic to start a fire , she showed me how to fan the coals until they began to turn white and then red . Finally the coals were hot enough and the smoke had stopped enough to put a pan of rice on to cook . The rice cooked surprisingly fast and when it was done I was at a loss as to how to turn the coals off . So I decided to boil some water , and when that still didn 't use up all the coals I decided to try my hand at making a cake . I had some fresh pineapple and I decided to make a pineapple cake . It was an old muffin recipe actually that my family had used a lot when I was growing up . I just poured it all into the one pan since I didn 't have a muffin tin and decided to call it cake . I filled the pan with the sweet pineapple filled batter and set the pan inside another pan as I had seen other women do . I put a lid on it and covered the lid with hot coals . I was surprised about twenty minutes later to see the golden brown top of the cake and smell the sweet goodness inside and know that i had baked my first cake over charcoal . While it was cooking I chopped some vegetables that I had purchased at the market and made a makeshift african version of hawaiian haystacks . I think Joseph was surprised to come home and see that his wife actually did know how to cook something for his dinner . We piled our plate high and each took a fork and dug in . I don 't know why we did it that way that night but we somehow started a tradition of eating our dinner together off the same plate . After that day , Each night when I would cook we just filled one plate and always ate together . It was a time I will never forget ! Leaving Rwanda wasn 't nearly as easy as it had been to get in . You see Rwanda , in an effort to encourage tourism , doesn 't charge a fee for a visa . So when I entered , I simply had to get my passport stamped . Uganda 's policy is different . They require a $ 50 fee and since every penny I had was stolen I had no way to pay the fee . We stood pleading with the immigration official , explaining our situation to no avail . You simply can not enter Uganda without paying the fee , he told me . I am sorry for what happened to you but we can make no exceptions . " What should we do then ? " We asked , desperate for an answer out of this impossible situation . He turned to Joseph , " since you are African you don 't have to pay , you can go . Leave her here and you go get the money to pay her fee . " The idea was unthinkable , it would take him two days at best to get back to Uganda , get the money and get back to me . In the meantime I was in a no man 's land between borders . I had no way to get back to the city and no place to stay if I did make it back , I had no money and nothing to eat . It was simply out of the question . " I will not leave her " Joseph said adamantly . We decided to try the bus driver , we found him loading passengers back on the bus , they were getting ready to leave and we literally had minutes to figure this out . We explained the situation to him and asked him to loan us the money until we got back to Uganda . We can pay you as soon as we get there we assured him . We approached the conductor on the bus ( this is as assistant of sorts to the driver ) We asked him and he also refused . You will not pay he said , people always say they will pay and then when we get them back they leave and never bring me the money . " I will leave something with you , I promised , something that I will have to come back for . When we give you the money you can give it back to us . " He thought about this for a minute . What will you give he asked . I searched through my belongings looking for something that would do and my eyes rested on the shiny new engagement ring on my finger … " My camera , then " I said suddenly remembering that I had a camera that might be worth something to him . He agreed , took my camera and gave us the money . We were the last people back on the bus . My heart was beating and I felt like crying . As we drove a sales man stood up and began putting on something of a show advertising his healing products with magical capabilities . He spoke fluently in five or six languages , none of which I could understand . Finally he turned to me and asked in English , " do you understand what I am saying , " I shook my head . He had a playful smile on his face , and I knew I was about to be the butt of one of his jokes . See that man sitting next to you ? He asked , " say to him Nkwagala " he told me . ( that word means I love you in Luganda ) I laughed to myself . I may not know Luganda , but I knew that word . People around us were watching and snickering to see if I was going to fall for his joke . All day we went without food and prayed for our request . By evening as I went to bed , I felt so uneasy that I couldn 't sleep . I got up and started researching the visa process . Everything I read terrified me . People who had been separated for years as they waited for a visa , reports of complications and difficulties in obtaining a visa . The feelings that I had as I stood at the border being told that Joseph would have to leave me , and feeling so loved and reassured as he refused . We had found a way and we would do it again . But I knew one thing … I couldn 't leave him either . I finally fell into a restless sleep and woke with one thought on my mind . Call the man who left you his number in the taxi several weeks ago . I had met a man who was a government official . He had given me his number and told me to contact him if I needed anything during my stay . I didn 't know what he could do to help but I called him . Turns out he was just a few minutes away from where I lived passing through on his way to Jinja and he agreed to stop and talk to me . He did and I explained my situation . Just marry him here and then wait together for the visa he told me . You can wait here until he gets it and then you don 't have to leave him . It would mean marrying outside of the temple , it would mean marrying without any member of my family present and no friends of mine would be there . It would mean giving up on all the dreams and plans I had for my wedding . But it would mean that I wouldn 't have to leave him . It was the only option . I thought it over all day and that night when Joseph came to Lugazi to see me I sat him down . " I 've been thinking about this a lot and I think we need to change our plans " I told him . His face looked weary , hesitant and slightly scared at what I was going to say next . His normally smiling face was serious . He looked at me as though he wasn 't sure he had heard me right . I explained my thought process to him , but before I could even finish he had crushed me in a bear hug . Joseph normally has a radiant smile , but his smile that day was like something I had never seen before ! We talked about our changed plans , it felt good , it felt peaceful , I knew it was fast but it didn 't feel fast . It felt right . I met Joseph at the Space Café , a little tourist place that had great food . I was excited to tell him that I had " slept on it " and had an answer for him . The out door setting was secluded and romantic . We found a corner table with comfortable whicker chairs and sat down and ordered a milk shake and samosa . " I 've been thinking about what we talked about the other night , " I told him . " And I think I 'm ready to take a step forward . I think we should get engaged . " I don 't know what I expected from him but the huge smile and the bear hug that I was soon engulfed in took me by surprise . I laughed and moved over to sit on his lap . We sat that way unaware of anyone else and just talked through our plans . " This isn 't official though until you propose properly with a ring and everything , " I told him . " And you have to make it a good story . I 've waited a long time to be proposed to and I 've always wanted a good story . If you need help , coming up with something I can give you my friends phone number and she can help , " I told him , feeling quite sure that he wouldn 't have the first idea where to start to plan the kind of outrageous proposal that would live up to all my day dreams of how that moment should go . He insisted that he could do this on his own and that he didn 't need help , he could make it special and romantic . " One more thing , " I added , " about the ring , I kind of know exactly what I like and what I don 't like . But I want you to pick it and I want it to be a surprise … so I could maybe show you some pictures and then you would know what to look for … " I told him . He assured me he would work something out . A few days later he called to ask me if I could go look at rings with him . I thought we would just look to give him an idea of what I liked , but when we got there , there wasn 't much of a variety to choose from and we quickly found one that suited our purposes . And since it really was the only option as far as I was concerned , we bought it there on the spot . We were planning a trip to visit Rwanda that weekend . I laughed a little . It was a bit un conventional and not at all what I had in mind but , what did it matter now . I begged Joseph to let me wear the ring for just a little while . He agreed and we had lunch and then headed back to Jinja . Finally the weekend arrived . I wondered what Joseph had planned , as I packed the ring in my bag . I hoped it would be good . In the taxi on the way to the bus station , I talked to Joseph about something that had concerned me . I was very open about my concerns , never realizing that it might look to him as though I was questioning our decision to marry . Somehow it ended up in an argument . Both of us were very emotional and I felt he wasn 't listening to me and being understanding . I have no idea what he felt but when I looked over at him , he had tears in his eyes as they looked straight ahead , he didn 't seem to want to look at me . I was frustrated and didn 't know what to do . I had told him of my concerns because I wanted him to comfort me , not the other way around ! The taxi was stuck in the bumper to bumper traffic like nothing you will see anywhere except Kampala streets and as the minutes turned to hours we knew we were about to miss our bus if we didn 't do something quick . Finishing this conversation would have to wait . We exited the taxi and found a couple of boda boda drivers . We need to get to the bus station Joseph told them and we need to make it in 20 minutes no matter what . Can you take us there . They spoke among themselves for a few seconds questioning if what we asked was possible . Ok they told us we can take you but hang on tight and don 't let go for anything , we will not be stopping if we are going to take you . In order to make what we had planned possible we would take two separate bodas . Normally the drivers wanted you to hang on to the bike and not them but this time the driver told me to put my arms tight around his waist and get ready . We zoomed in and out of traffic sometimes coming so close to the cars on either side that I worried that my feet would hit them as we passed . When the cars closed up around us the driver whipped up over the curb and took the sidewalk , sometimes using his feet to help balance and sometimes using his hands on passing cars as we squeezed through small spaces . I clung to him for dear life and tried to keep an eye on Joseph 's back just ahead . In almost exactly twenty minutes we whizzed into the parking lot where our bus stood waiting . It was dark outside and the lights where on inside the bus , we could see that most of the passengers where already seated . I grabbed our things paid the boda men and raced up into the bus . It wasn 't until we were safely in our seats and the bus was on its way that Joseph chose to resume our discussion from before . This time however , everything was different . We were seated in our two chairs side by side in the dark bus as it rumbled along down dirt roads , our chairs reclined just a little to allow us to sleep as the trip to Rwanda was going to take all night . Joseph raised the arm rest between our two seats to allow us to be closer and then he put both arms around me and cradled my head on his chest . " Im sorry , he whispered to me , There is just nothing that frightens me like the thought of losing you . Hearing you talk like that made me think that you might go home and I would never see you again . . Tears streamed down my cheeks . " I love you Joseph , I said , I would never leave you . I just wanted to be able to share with you some things that were hard for me . I wanted to hear you reassure me that it was all going to be ok . That 's all I really wanted . " His hand stroked my hair and down my back as we whispered lovingly to each other until we both fell asleep . As we continued our journey the sun slowely came up to reveal the beautiful country side , that one pictures when they imagine going to Africa . The red sand , open saces , and funny little trees off in the distance kept me captivated . I marveled abit at how I had come to be here . I had always wanted to live a life of adventure but I never imagined I would be sitting on a bus watching the sunrise as I entered Rwanda with my future husband by my side . I felt like I was living in some kind of dream . I struggled to wake from this dream and realize that it was in fact reality so that I could soak it all in , enjoy every second of this magical journey that had surpassed all my imaginings . . Finally we reached Kigali , the capital city of Rwanda . It was so interesting to know the recent history of this place and yet to find myself here . Where stories that I had only read about took place , seeing and being greeted by adults who no doubt had been present , a witness to , if not a participant in the genocide that took place there . We took a taxi to a hotel , paid for our rooms and settled in to look around . Our room … two rooms really , separated by a half wall . Each room with a small cot against one wall and one room with a sink attached to the other wall . A small table sat in the room that would be Joseph 's . We unloaded our belongings and headed out to get some breakfast . We stopped on our way at an ATM only to discover that it wouldn 't take a visa so we went in search of another that would . We tried another and when it wouldn 't either we decided to just head to the mall to get something to eat and we would find a place to change more money later . I stuffed my small coin purse with all of our cash and my credit cards back in the backpack that Joseph carried on his back and we headed to the mall . When we arrived I reached in expecting to feel the coarseness of the bark cloth coin purse only to feel nothing . We put the back pack down and searched every possible pocket taking everything out of it in our desperate search . I was near tears realizing that more than likely it was really gone . We retraced our steps back to the last ATM homing against hope that we would find it along the way , but the purse was gone . We better report it to the police , Joseph told me , see if they can help us . I was near tears , not sure what we were going to do without that money and completely at a loss for how I was going to survive the rest of my time in Uganda without access to any of the money in my bank account . Assuming of course that whoever took our purse didn 't get everything out of it before I could call and cancel the card . I looked at him , he looked at me and then he started to grin . Joseph this isn 't funny I said , this is really serious . We have nothing ! And no way to get home until the bus leaves in another three days ! I looked at him not sure if I should be angry with him for not taking this situation more seriously or to hug him for being such a good sport about it all and for reminding me of something that I should have remembered . This was just another adventure , and if nothing else it would make a good story later . I knew from past experience that often when things go horribly wrong , the make the best of memories years down the road when you can laugh at the craziness . " You 're right I said , we will be fine . It might even be fun . I said with a twinkle in my eye . It won 't be the trip we planned but Im quite certain it will be an adventure . He hugged me then and we sat down to assess our situation . Just then a couple walked by , obviously tourists as they were white and spoke with an Australian accent . They had twin daughters , one of which was in her mothers arms and the other was trailing behind the couple . She looked at us and without a word walked straight to Joseph and lifted her arms to be picked up . He picked her up and walked toward her mother who stood watching , looking slightly unseasy . When Joseph reached the mother he held the girl out to her only to have her little arms wrap tenderly around his neck and she turned her face to hide in his shoulder . He spoke to her for a minute and encouraged her to go to her mother . She finally did while her twin looked on quietly sucking her thumb . I stood watching the whole scene in amazement . To me Joseph shone with kindness , his smile radiated goodness and I saw it from the moment that I met him . To see this child react to that confirmed to me that President Jackson 's words to me that day at the wedding were more true than even I imagined . Joseph really was everything that I thought he was . Even a child could see that and loved him . After the little family left we gathered up all the loose change and any bills of any kind that we had on us . We changed them into francs and discovered that we had just enough left to take a taxi back to the bus station with a little extra . We went to the grocery store to see what we could find . We bought a loaf of bread , a jar of peanut butter , a knife and a carton of milk . It wasn 't much but at least we wouldn 't starve . We went back to our rooms and sat on the bed . We read to each other and talked for sometime . Later that evening , we sat talking and Jospeh asked me if I knew what day it was . I did . It was the fourth of July . I knew everyone back home would be celebrating with fireworks and good food . But I was happy right where I was with my peanut butter sandwhich . Did you bring that thing I asked you to pack ? Joseph asked , referring to my engagement ring . I laughed knowing what was coming . I did , I told him . Well we are going to need it now , he told me . I scooted off the bed and went to my side of the room to get the little black velvet box , this was so inconventional and so not what I had imagined . I brought it back and gave it to him . Ever since I got home from my mission , I have been praying and looking for a girl that would commit herself to me and to the gospel , he told me . I wanted to find a girl that I could trust to raise our children in the church , to have family home evening with me , and who would support me in my callings , he told me . When I met you I was amazed by your goodness and I knew without a doubt that you would make a great mother , the more I got to know you I saw that you were committed to the gospel . I have told you some of the reason 's why I love you . He said , but the biggest reason I love you is because it is so clear to me that you love the Lord . He promised to send me a handmaiden of the Lord and when I look at you , that is what I see . Joseph , I interrupted , knowing what was coming and knowing that it couldn 't happen with both of us seated on his bed . Joseph , you know you can 't do this sitting down right ? I asked not sure if he knew that he should be down on one knee . Joseph , I enterupted again , you know you can 't do this standing up right ? He looked at me confused . You have to get down on one knee . I told him laughing a little at how this was all turning out . No Joseph , Ilaughed again , its done on one . In America when you propose you get down on ONE knee . He seemed confused at why two wouldn 't be better but he did as I asked . Finally he finished , look around you Vilate , this room , this place is nothing fancy , this trip is probably going to be a little bit hard . We don 't even have anything to celebrate with except more peanut butter sandwhiches . Our life will probably be something like this , full of unexpected adventures , difficult times and trials , but I love you and I promise you that if you will marry me I will do everything within my power to make you happy and to be a good husband and father . I gulped , still trying to grasp at the reality of this moment that I had waited almost 32 long years to experience . Nothing was the way I had imagined it . I looked around me at the cold bare walls , at the hard floor and the dirty sink in the corner and I realized that his proposal couldn 't have been more perfect , that he and I couldn 't have been more perfect . It would never have done to have him show up with roses and a cute little proposal , that just wasn 't me , or him . What could have been more appropriate than the way this had all happened . I said " yes " and Joseph slipped the ring on my finger . I also had imagined that I would be a bucket of tears , that my hand would shake as he put the ring on my finger and that I would be so overcome with emotion that I wouldn 't hardly be able to stammer a yes . I felt none of those things . I felt peaceful , it felt normal , and I was happy . Over the last 16 years or so I had imagined every possible scenario in which this moment would happen . I never once imagined this one and once again life managed to throw me a surprise , an adventure and a curve that I never could have seen coming . Once again life had proved unpredicatable , … just the way I liked it . Since Joseph and I had decided that we were officially dating , I wanted to find out all I could about him . I didn 't want to be in a relationship if it was a dead end . So the following Wednesday I had agreed to help out with a choir practice in Jinja and Joseph and I agreed to meet up afterward . We sat on the lawn with a notebook and had a very honest talk . The search was still on for the true Joseph . I knew he couldn 't be as wonderful as I thought he was . I asked him straight out what he felt his biggest faults were and he told me , I told him mine also and we talked about what and how we felt we could deal with these . We talked about many other things as well as we sat under a tree on the church lawn . After awhile we noticed quite a group gathering for a wedding . We crowded into the chapel and as I watched the ceremony , with Joseph seated next to me I kept thinking to myself about what a wedding to him might be like . As President Jackson spoke about the sacred commitment that these couples were about to make I looked at Joseph to find him already looking at me . We smiled surely thinking the same thing and he squeezed my hand . The wedding was beautiful with all three couples standing in turn to make their covenants with each other and with God . One by one President Jackson made them kiss , not just once but until he felt that they had done it right ! He wanted to see a real kiss that showed they were thinking more about their love for each other than their shyness at kissing in public . As the couples kissed awkwardly it looked as though they were trying their best to only touch lips and no other part of their body . I whispered to Joseph . " We would have no problem with this , I think we could give them lessons , " He agreed with a huge smile just as the wedding ended . We stood around waiting for the couples to take pictures and to be greeted by all their friends . As we stood at the back of the chapel , President Jackson saw me standing there holding Joseph 's hand , your looking suddenly very happy he told me as he passed by . It was true , I was blissfully happy . I could feel so many eyes on us and I knew that my holding hands in public with the second counselor in the district presidency was causing a bit of a stir . I wanted a minute alone with Joseph . We went for a little walk around the church . As we got to the backside of the building where no people were we stopped and enjoyed the privacy and the quiet , away from prying eyes . After the wedding , we attended a dinner at Two Friends resort . The food was good and the couples looked so happy . We were seated at the table almost directly across from President Jackson . As they were cutting the cake Joseph left the table to get us drinks and when he was away President Jackson came to my table looked me straight in the eye and said " I just want you to know , that man is everything you think he is . I haven 't met a better man and neither will you . " I felt chills go through my body and I knew he was telling me the truth . I knew I had found in my Joseph everything that I had prayed for for so long . It scared me . When Joseph returned President Jackson shook his hand and told us he would be performing two more weddings that following week . He asked if we would attend . We agreed and then with a little twinkle in his eye he said , " You know we could make it three ! " We both laughed , but later as Joseph was saying goodbye , a van full of missionaries and others from the wedding waiting to take me back to Lugazi , I considered for the first time what It might be not to have to say goodbye to him . He held me and we tried to ignore the eyes watching us . " You have to go , he whispered , they are waiting for you . " I clung to him wanting more than the simple goodbye hug but knowing it wasn 't possible there with everybody watching , so I said goodbye and started the long drive back to Lugazi . The next morning my first thought upon waking up was , I could be marrying Joseph next week ! The thought was surprisingly appealing . The next day I met with President Jackson for a temple recommend interview . After seeing that here in Uganda a temple recommend wasn 't so much about the ability to GO to the temple but a sign of your WORTHINESS to attend the temple , I felt ashamed at having let mine expire just because I didn 't think I would be needing it in Uganda . President explained to me a bit about blacks and the gospel and about the church 's position on interracial marriage . We also talked at length about Joseph , about my relationship with him , about my fears and my concerns . He offered to give me a blessing . He gave me some very specific counsel and advice about things I should be doing and told me that no one could get this answer except me but that if I would listen very carefully and try my best to follow what my heart told me , it would not lead me astray . Someone pointed out to me the other day that I had left quite a few holes in my story . The truth is I just haven 't written . Pregnancy has taken so much out of me . I thought I was the most prepared person on the planet for having a baby , somehow I missed the memo about how hard pregnancy is . How tired it makes you and how much you eat ! It 's been the most amazing adventure of my life . But here I am finally adding another chapter from my African romance , Since our first date Joseph and I had been talking to each other every day . One day about a week after our first date we were chatting on Facebook and he told me he loved me . I was kind of freaking out because when he said it , it was so different from the other random guys that would throw that term out at me on a daily bases . I knew he meant it and it scared me . So … I taught him the meaning of " take a chill pill " and explained that he needed to do that in regards to me . I explained that Love is a pretty big word with deep meaning . He agreed and told me if I needed to talk he was ready to listen . I didn 't know what to do with his calm reassuring demeanor . He wasn 't put off by me at all and he wasn 't pushy just confidant and direct in his feelings . It scared me . She explained she had known him since he was about 11 and that he had been the one to baptize her . Everything she had to say about him was good . " Be real with me , " I told her , " I need to know what I 'm getting myself into . What 's he like when he is angry ? " That day he took me to his apartment ; we sat on the couch and talked . It was interesting to see his personal touch in his apartment . I felt at home with him and comfortable in his living space . We agreed that week that we would date only each other and we would move forward with this relationship . The next day he came to Lugazi to speak in our branch . He sat up front and looked so formal and official it was hard to believe that was MY Joseph sitting up there , laughing and talking with my branch president . They started the meeting and announced that President Ssempala would be presiding at the meeting . " President Ssempala " , it fit the man in the suit . I was a little startled to realize that the President Ssempala they were referring to was MY BOYFRIEND ! People who preside at church are old men , not handsome kind men who smiled at me the way he did . I watched him wondering when and how this had happened . He looked up at me and winked . I blushed knowing that I probably wasn 't the only one in the congregation to notice . This time instead of asking him to take a chill pill I decided to take a different approach . " I know you do , " I said " Just tell me why ? Every day people here claim they love me . I know you are different , but I just want you to tell me why it should mean more coming from you . I want to know why you love me . " He then started talking in great detail about various character traits that he had seen in me ; he talked about how he had noticed them in me and why they were important to him . He reminded me of things that I had told him and experiences that we had together that had increased his feelings for me . Just as I was starting to feel a little insecure that maybe he only loved me for my ' Sweet spirit " he told me that he thought I was beautiful and that he had put my picture as the wallpaper on his phone . When he had said all he wanted to say , I was quiet for a few minutes , thinking of how I should respond . In all honesty I felt the same way about him and could have given him just as long of a list . I could have told him how my soul had longed for someone who would be as sure of his love for me and as confident in his desire to move forward as he was . I could have told him how I trusted him , how I could see the goodness in his heart and the proof of it in his actions . I could have told him how his optimism and continual smile brightened my day and made me feel so much more capable myself . I could have told him that I loved him . Finally I knew how to answer . " So are you going to kiss me now or are you going to leave me hanging all night … " Every week I went to get a large jug of drinking water for our apartment at Gapco . The man that works there is an Indian man and he seems very friendly . On this particular day as I was waiting for the water he asked me how long I was going to be in Uganda . I told him and he told me he would like to take me on a date . I was caught completely off guard by that and wasn 't sure how I was going to answer , then he asked me if I would be willing to meet him at the Rainforest Lodge . We can have something to eat and go swimming if you like he told me . The Rainforest Lodge is a beautiful lodge in the middle of the rainforest . I had never been there before but I had heard about how incredible it was . I also knew it was the most expensive place in town and that I probably wouldn 't afford a trip there on my own . I was also pleased that he wasn 't suggesting that he pick me up but that I meet him , in a public place , so I figured what would it hurt , I might as well go . Joseph and I had been talking on the phone for a few minutes every night so I told him that I would be coming to the Rainforest and since it was almost halfway to Jinja I might as well continue on and come see him . It had been several days since we had seen each other . So we agreed to meet at the chapel near Two Friends . That morning I went to a school to volunteer for the day . It was good but also a little overwhelming . There were so many children and each one of them wanted to hold my hand . At one point there were about 60 children all clustered around me , each one trying to get closer than the other and all of them trying to hold my hand , or my dress , or touch my hair . For a person who doesn 't much like to be touched it was pushing my boundaries about as far as I could take them . Finally when they got so many and the weight of them started to make it impossible to walk , I found myself losing my balance I started falling over so I stopped and made them let go . " Gende , Gende " ( go away ) I said , and then feeling a little bad I felt like I should explain " You are too many ! " Then 60 little voices followed me all around the school chanting " you are too many , you are too many " I had to smile . It was touching and also a bit saddening to see the conditions of the school . The crowded classroom had no lights , just the light that came through the openings for windows that had no glass . Benches resembling those that children in Colonial America had used were crowded with far too many children . There were no books , except one little notebook for each child . The children sang for me and I taught them some new songs . Finally it came time for me to leave the school and head to the Rainforest lodge , Although I wasn 't really interested in the guy , I was still excited about the date . The long walk to the lodge was beautiful , I saw monkeys swinging from the trees and everywhere was beautiful butterflies in the most vibrant of colors . I arrived before my date and recognized a friend who had come to enjoy the quiet of the lodge to get some work done . We visited until my date arrived . The lodge was comfortable and clean in a way that I hadn 't often experienced in Uganda . My date arrived and we decided to head to the swimming pool to do some swimming , we would have dinner later . As we were walking through the beautiful , secluded pathways he reached for my hand , I pulled it away , but he tried again . I pulled it away again and said " no . " I felt so uncomfortable ; I had never had to do that before on a date . We continued to the pool and I enjoyed cooling off in the water as I hadn 't been swimming since I arrived . Again in the water he tried to touch me and to hold my hand and each time I pulled away shaking my head and saying " no " Finally I couldn 't take anymore so I told him " you know what I need to be heading back , I have another appointment . " He offered to drive me but I told him that my work had already sent a boda boda to get me . He asked if we could take a picture together and I agreed . He stood behind me and put his arms around me hugging me to him and putting his cheek against mine , I tried to pull away but he held me there . After the picture he continued to hold me close to him and we started walking . I didn 't know what to do , I didn 't know how to get him to let go of me without bringing it to a full fight and I didn 't feel like I would win . I waited until we were in a more populated area and then I pulled away from him more forcefully . He finally let go of me and I headed to the front gate . I found a boda boda and started driving back to the main road . I felt like crying . AS we rode the boda driver said , " Mazungu , are you married ? " I told him I wasn 't and he asked how old I was . I told him and then he said , I think you are good for me . You should marry me and take me to America . People often made comments like that to me but after what I had just been through I didn 't feel capable of laughing it off . " Why ? " I said , " You don 't even know me all you see is my white skin and you think I have money , that 's all you want . How do you know I wouldn 't be a horrible wife ? How do you know I wouldn 't beat you and yell at you ? You don 't want to marry me " " Do you know how many times a day I get asked that question ? " I asked him . " I wish people here would see more than my white skin . " He continued talking but I was finished with that conversation and I just listened refusing to argue any further with him . He dropped me off with a friendly smile and a wave and left me to board the taxi headed for Jinja . I would be so glad to arrive and see Joseph . On the taxi , they had squeezed five of us on to a seat made for 3 . The man seated next to me kept getting closer even than I felt he needed to . He kept trying to lay his head on my shoulder and touch my hair . Finally he said , " Mazungu , give me your contacts . " I stared straight ahead , afraid I would cry if I had to go through this all over again . Who knew that adoration could also be a form of racism ? I was DONE being " Mazungu " being loved for the color of my skin , being shouted at everywhere I went from children , to adults , I was tired of being told to buy people drinks or to give people my watch , or being hassled by shop keepers and taxi and boda drivers , I was tired of my race defining who I was . " Because I don 't want to . I don 't know you and I don 't want to know you . " I thought perhaps my curt reply would put him off but I was not so lucky . Others on the taxi were starting to look at us . I continued to refuse to look at him and eventually stopped answering him altogether . Finally after what seemed an eternity I arrived at Two Friends and got off the taxi . As soon as the taxi left a man approached me . " Mazungu , " he said , " be my girlfriend . " I stood on the corner waiting for Joseph and fighting back tears . I wanted to go home . I didn 't want to stay here one more minute . I didn 't even want to see Joseph . I didn 't even know why I was going on a date with him anyway . He was no different than all those others ; I had just somehow fallen for his advances when I hadn 't the others . I needed to put a stop to all of this and I needed to go home . I closed my eyes wishing that when I opened them I would be home and praying that no one else would speak to me . If one more person told me they loved me I would probably gauge their eyes out with my bare hands . " I 'm sorry I 'm late " He said , I was on the taxi and it was taking so long I almost jumped out and took a boda boda to try to get here faster . But I brought this for you . " He pulled a Snickers bar from his pocket and handed it to me . I had told him on our first date that I loved Snickers , but I had not seen one in Uganda . I was impressed that he had remembered and tracked one down for me . As we walked I poured out my woes about my day . Starting with the children , pulling on me and almost tackling me in the desire to be close to me . As I told him he laughed . " Why are you laughing ? " I asked genuinely perplexed as to why my sorry situation would have him in stitches . He took me to Forever Resort and we sat on the banks of the river and watched the sun go down . He told me about his Grandma who had died recently of Alzheimer 's . He said that towards the end she didn 't remember anyone . The last time he had gone to see her she had been unable to feed herself and he got to sit and feed her . As she ate she opened her eyes and looked at him , then she smiled " Joseph , she said , you look so much like your father , he always loved you best . " She died the next day . Joseph told me he would always cherish the fact that he got that chance to care for her and that in that final moment she remembered who he was . It was a beautiful story and I made a mental note to watch The Notebook with him . We ordered a pizza and some sodas and sat and ate and continued to talk . He told me about how shocked he was when he returned from his mission in South Africa and saw the living conditions in Uganda . Even though it was his home he was ashamed and embarrassed to see the contrast of how people here lived compared to how they did in other countries . His own family had suffered some serious financial losses and he returned to find his home and everything they had owned gone . He spent his first night home sleeping on the floor . |
It talks about the psychic phenomenon which happened about one year after becoming a working society . I was originally a so - called " visible " man . It was pretext at the time whole in high school and the university age , and the assault and the ruins were repeated frequently . It was decided to become a social person , and to find employment in the company in Tokyo , and to have kejime to such a student feeling flatly , and to have a hobby which was able to be shared willingly with others . It was decided to look around the property which had educated beforehand with mother to look for the room in Tokyo immediately . In the 23 wards of the month , it was a little over ten years ago , with a bath toilet in 1k , and I found quite a good property with a veranda . There were other candidates , but the real estate company said , " This is the only good property I have never seen . " It was likely not to be an accident property , and the mother decided to borrow the room with consent , and the contract was signed before it was taken by others . The move also ended without a hitch , I tried to find a new hobby from the time when the work was calmed down to various things . In it , I fitted on the cooking , the camera and the guitar , the psychic experience of the student age , and the time has already become a memory of the past in me . Instead , my life was really scraped as a price that put my hand on various hobbies . Because it was a principle which did not spare money for the hobby which had originally fitted , the limit of the card which had it was a state which always used it to the limit barely . Of course , I couldn 't say that to my parents , but I had to send them money for a reason . It was a little over a year after that life lasted . Even if a new employee came in and became a senior , the household was a car of the fire . I don 't want to drop my life level , but I don 't have money . I think that there was a feeling that it was said that it was likely to become it from the young when it was still student 's feeling at this time when thinking now . I think it has been over two years since I finally experienced the psychic phenomenon , but it suddenly came . I thought it was about two or three o ' clock at midnight , but I woke up suddenly and realized that I was tied . The knack of the way of getting out was gripped because the tied itself had experienced as being honest unpleasant . It was almost liberating if it put power in one point ( the arm or the head or anywhere ) when moving to the tied in the lack of sleep . However , there was no clear method of lifting a so - called spiritual event at stake in the tied . It was often the case that it was able to be solved at the moment when it thought that it was terrible and was scary as dying . This tied was unquestionably the latter . Because I could not even move my neck with a promise in this case , I think that I was trying hard to grasp the current situation by relying on the sound heard from my ears after moving my eyes . Then I heard the sound of someone walking up the hallway up the stairs . No , I think that it felt intuitively that the sign of something exactly came up to the front of the door of my room . I have noticed that this is the same kind of phenomenon that I have experienced so badly in my student days . I 've already graduated from ghosts and monsters like that . There was no time to think about it , and suddenly the sign was trying to open the door wildly . I felt that I had to turn the key door knob profusely , and I could not solve it in the tied , and the heart had to be beating fast . Then , the sound which tried to open the door stopped , and at the same time , the sign entered the door and it felt to come to the front of my bedroom which separated one door . It noticed that the sliding door was open about 5cm when the only moving eyes were done to the door at that time . There was no such thing as the for which had taken a long time to be honest occult love , and it did not come in just coming in , and it was frightened earnestly while praying not to be able to come in . And when I was not able to keep my eyes off the sliding door , something like a black haze of a person type opened the door and had seen it in a decent way . It came into my room , and I stopped there . It was understood only that it stood at my feet and stared here though it was not understood at all because the face was not understood because it was a man or a woman . The sign soon toward the glass door of the veranda and went out as it is . I tried to see the sliding door separating the kitchen and the bedroom while causing the body which became soaked by the sweat . The sliding door was just like the first time I saw a gap of about 5cm open . " The ghost is a staple whether it comes in from such a little gap though it is often a special number or it is , and it is not harm , and it is hiding to the bed again by regaining the slack in an instant . I was going to wake up again soon after that when I decided to sleep by the conclusion that it was a dream or something . The situation is the same as before , and it is understood that the sign of something clearly walks up the stairs and the corridor . And the same to hear the sound that tries to open the doorknob wildly . It was full of feelings of waking up early even if it was an honest dream when coming here . Is it true that you crossed your head for a moment , and this time you harm pass by ? It was . Are you just staring at me ? What if you see the black haze ? Such my thinking is Sotchinoke , and the mystery haze has entered the bedroom still of the person type . The gap of 5cm , which was open when I woke up earlier , the gap of the sliding door was still open as the last time as a result of the glance only in the tied , too , and the memory was not clear whether it had been left or closed . It had invaded the room , and it stopped walking at the foot of me still sleeping in the bed . And then I can 't tell my eyes , I noticed that something like black haze is taking the form of a person clearer than last time . She has a long hair . The face is not clear although it is a woman who stretched black hair to waist . The woman who was staring at me who was completely frightened suddenly gripped my ankle and loose and started shaking me every bed . Gold . . . . . . Return , return , Money . . . ! I was able to hear such a word clearly , but honestly , I was desperate to escape from tied while I was crying for a good year without fragments of feelings other than fear . At that time , the power suddenly entered , and the upper body was able to be caused by a tremendous momentum . I noticed that there was no one in the room when I rolled down from the bed , and at the moment I raised my face to escape from the woman anyway . When I saw the sliding door , the gap of about 5cm still remained open . I closed the door many times and confirmed that the gaps were not open , and I tried to Sari the bed again . But I felt a chill at the moment . When I looked in the room again , the glass door to the veranda had a slight gap and was open . I who did not remember forgetting the lock as it was , it wore the futon from the head while tending the teeth without exaggeration , and slept . As a result , the woman did not show up again that night . In the morning , when I tried to get up from the bed , I felt the pain that twisted my ankle , but I could not confirm the birthmark or anything like that . However , I only had the certainty that last night was not a dream , but it was definitely a phenomenon that actually happened . After that , I was sure to confirm that the door of the bedroom was completely closed before going to bed . I think it was probably the next day when I realized that I had borrowed money from my parents , using my hobbies and playing money . When the life situation was renewed , and the spirit phenomenon which was not a dream was begun to forget gradually , this story was talked to parents , sister , aunt Cousin who had come to play in Tokyo . My sister said , " Why does your brother say that ? " No , stay at the hotel with aunt - chan ! The father of the ghost Denial sect was argues , and it was decided to stay in my room reluctantly though it was kneaded . Oppositely , cousin had liked such a story for a long time , and was taken to the aunt while resisting to the last to stay wanting to stay , and returned . My father had a good look at the corpse , " I 've never seen ghosts like this work for decades . I saw a psychic photograph and many , but it was unbelievable at all , " boasted . After that , when I came home at New Year 's , I heard that I was year ( and misfortune ) that year . It was not known whether it was related to seeing the ghost , but mother greatly cared about it , and bought the bill of charm . It seems to have to be pasted to the entrance in the direction that was decided , and it came back to the house immediately , and I remember that there was no way that it seemed to depend on something tremendously in the bill of 1000 yen a decent . It has been living in the same room for a long time , but it is no longer to meet such a psychic phenomenon again . Even now , I do not know the true nature of that spirit , but it is also true that I can afford to live from that . When I went out with a mother and a car in the old days when I saw the story above , I suddenly talked about it when I was going to go on a sports day somewhere . I was just wondering , " How about you ? " I was answering the night of the day when relatives gathered at Grandma 's house . But when I came here today , I heard a lot of people clamoring for a wartsu . I wonder if it was . . . and mom told everyone about it , but now it 's summer vacation . The place where the athletic meet is done is near the elementary school . Of course , there are no athletic events in the school ( or rather , because I was going to go to the schools , and parents would know if there were any occasions ) . My mother is quite worried about her . It 's funny , " So I repeat , I 've heard a lot of stories . Mother says that when I went to the side of a little hill on the way to the grandmother 's head at once , many people yow ! I heard a loud voice , and that day , I didn 't hear that there were any events where people would gather , and I thought it was funny because it was just a cry of feeling not a voice . There was no idea that the people of relatives also had an event , and when I twisted my neck , my grandmother was usually silent and " , " the train was going to go around there . There was a time when people rode and ran Soga at that time . The train is Rengo at the time of the slope because the person is full of the window and hold to various places , and it is a climb . I started to go down on the way , and when people were jumping and pushing and falling , many people died . " Grandma in the past , the train has been able to withstand the weight of the passenger and reverse the mountain . When some of the passengers who were panicked fell and died , the mother who heard it was likely to panic at that time . Voice of the passengers well , I think you know this inkling , but the day was Obon , so grandma didn 't say anything . The relatives who were there also pulled a little bit to open the day and the parents all went home and I cousin I was going to play with everyone , so I stayed at my grandmother 's , so I went into the futon and Dondon to the entrance ! I have something to bump into . Did you ever forget someone ? If you try to head to the front door , Grandma said , " Boar has come . . . If you are bitten , you will never get out of danger . I 'm going to get out of there , and I 'm going to go see it . I tried to think that the wild boar , which had a lot of things in the hallway like a bill , would only have sand on his nose or paw , but it was my mother . It was only at the entrance that I went to when Chan was leaving , and there was no other place , and there was no grandma anymore , and now I don 't know if it 's true or not , but I 'm still horrified by what was going on outside that time . The place is the story of Hayato town in Kagoshima I 've been looking at it a few years ago , but I didn 't know about the prewar days , so I 'm talking about the Famima of the road going down from Kagoshima Airport to Kokubu City . I do not know whether the iron Otasle , but I 'm thinking now I 'm going to ask you , I 'll check with my self - fullness even when Surech is free . Thanks for the people who saw me , Mutchon Chong . It becomes long story when staying at the inn in the Kofu district , so please go through the dislike of a longer . When she and I started to get a little bit of a year , I thought it was time to take a trip by train . It was a trip of the feeling that it did not decide the destination in particular , and the place where it stayed in a rambling travel feeling suitably secured . On the first day , I went to the Yamanashi area and stayed at the hotel in Kiyosato . The next day , I left the hotel and headed for Mt . Fuji by train . We got off at Kofu station and saw the castle ruins and went to Shizuoka to get to the train again near the evening . Because I found a hot spring town on the way , I searched for the inn of the day and made a train and called for the Inn in the Guide board at the station . The nearby inn and the hotel were full , so I called the Inn a little bit away from the hot - spring town to check the vacancy and came to pick it up . The people of the pick - up did not come even after 30 minutes , and arrived in a light wagon an hour later . At this point a little disagreeable feeling ( not a spiritual meaning , but a failure . I took a ride in the car without saying anything before I had come to pick it up . The car leer a beautiful hotel and the inn for a long time , to the mountain . Anxiety increased further in the surroundings where there was only a river . After all , the inn which arrived is tattered and there is no shop around . The area is already dark , and it really looks like ruins . It is good to arrive at the inn , but the landlady does not greet , and the Nakai does not come . The uncle who has been driving is a settlement to the room guide . When you tell me only the time of the meal , the uncle is immediately somewhere . The guest seemed to be there , and the next two rooms were buried . I had time to eat , so I decided to take a bath first . But when we arrived at the bathroom , there was only one bath , and the use of women and men was separated by time . Because the time zone was a woman 's use time , she only had to go ahead . I was dozed Kotatsu in the room because I was tired . Then suddenly tied after a while . There is a feeling that something is creeping up slowly from the foot which had been put in the Kotatsu , but it is not able to get stuck at all . The sound of Zuzuzu begins to be heard in the ear , and eyes are not opened by the feeling that someone is pushing the skin on the eyeball even to open the eyelid . The sound which drags something called Zuzuzu of the ear is approaching , and the breathing of the person is heard in the Zuzuzu mixed . Zuzuzu , huh . Zuzuzu , huh . The sound of feeling that someone is carrying something in a constant rhythm of breathing . and " Taskete . " Taskete . Mutter voice that sounds small . I feel like something is creeping up from my feet . At that time , the fusuma of the entrance opened and she came back . At the same time , tied was solved . I was sweating quite a bit and my breath was getting rough . , she was worried , but didn 't want to worry too much , and I wanted to reassure myself , so I got ready to go to the bath just to see a strange dream . However , the use time of the man is to eat the meal ahead because it overlaps with the time to bring the meal . Bad this meal , bad thing . If you go to the bathroom after eating , there is no one monopoly . It is lukewarm when the foot is put in the bathtub though it is thought that no one is swim in a good thing in the bathroom . Too much paint . Therefore , it becomes cold without keep at all even if entering the bathtub . On the way to the changing room while frustrated , someone tapped from the window " plugging " . I see the window as a wince , but the outside is dark and nothing is seen . It recalled the tied of the earlier , and it tried to open the door of the changing room so that the fear suddenly boiled and ran out . At that moment , " Concord " and again someone taps the window . Concord , Concord and two degrees three degrees and come banging repeatedly . When I turned my eyes to the window to see something , I heard a Concord ( Zuzuzu ) Concord and a sound that dragged something . Therefore , it went to the changing room immediately , and the body was not wiped and the yukata came and it fled to the room . Returning to her room , she said , " It 's like a haunted house , " and laughing to soothe me , " Tareyo , tired . " I 'll buy you a warm thing , " he said . I was afraid that she was embarrassed to see such an abomination and waited in a complex mood . After a while she brought me cocoa , so I drank it out of the top of the closet and went to bed early . The bed was very clean . Because they were tired , they soon went to sleep . But suddenly I woke up in the middle of the night screaming from the side room . When she and two of us are listening to what happened , I hear a guest in the room next to the corridor . It is wah in the hallway while saying two female guests . I went out to the hallway to complain about what I was thinking in the middle of the night and the sleep was disturbed . I was surprised that I went out into the hallway , and the female guest cried " Careau " while crying . To the voice , she came out to the hallway . They are trembling jerky while crying , and they are in a state of madness when they are alone . Indeed , without getting angry , " what happened ? " I hear it and tremble only . They refuse to call their rooms and shake their necks . The state continued for a while , but they gradually settled down . But what happened ? I don 't answer that question . However , there seemed to be something in their room , only to see that direction . Was 。 I feel . Because I thought that something suspicious had come out , I returned to my room , and tried to enter their room with a broom that was at the entrance , " Oh , and you should stop . You will be able to pull the clothes off . " Oh , no , it 's okay . If there is something , I will run away soon . He said , " I headed inside . The inside is lit , and it overlooks the entire room from the entrance . Nothing has changed , nobody . When I tried to return to the hallway , I heard a Zuzuzu Zuzuzu from the entrance . When I rushed into the hallway , I thought someone was in the closet next to the entrance . Immediately defensive in front of the door of the room , " Hey , come on out . shouted . Then , the male guest came out from the room on the side , and the female guest heard the Scream . The men told the women to go to call their employees if they could tell the situation to a male customer and maybe someone was hiding in the closet next to the entrance of the room . The male guest said , " Please cover me because I go inside . He brought a broom from his room . First , open the door and overlook the room . Nobody is there . Next , I stood in front of the door of the horizontal closet and prepared to open it . At that time , Don ! ! Don ! It sounded from the closet , and the Fusuma began to open gradually with the sound of Zuzuzu and Zuzuzu . Fusuma slowly opened and began to see something that seemed to be part of a person 's body with the sound that dragged anything from the Fusuma . When the hand came out between the Fusuma , the male guest closed the Fusuma , and the other hand was sandwiched . But the Lord of the hand says nothing . On the contrary , the hand which was sandwiched with Zuzuzu comes out . Without promptly , the male guest beats the hand which has come out in the part of the handle of the broom . But the other party says nothing . I felt like I was in a warm , and I tucked my hand in a broom . At that moment , the window of the back was knocked up pounding pounding , and a strange voice was heard , and the window glass turned into a state like the mirror ( because the outside was pitch black ) , and the appearance of the room was reflected . I 'm standing with a broom . The male patrons standing beside them have the same broom . The room is the same . However , the closet which is reflected in the window glass is open , and the one which seems to be a deformed person in the upper part of the closet sees the Shi here . The closet of the room is opened when turning to the closet immediately without knowing what is what for a moment . There is no one there . Male customers seem to have seen the same kyoton . The window is only reflecting the appearance of the room though neither seeing the window glass again . There is no strange person in the previous place . After about 30 seconds , they came back with an employee woman . The male guest and I didn 't know what to explain , but I told them what was happening . Women said , " No , No . Home 。 It cries , and the employee does not separate " such a thing , and there is never ever such a thing " persisted . A male guest said , " I 'm sure it was . What was that ? I will ask . Did she really see ? Not a mistake ? It is uneasy . I don 't know whether I really saw it or not . However , there is a feeling of the hand when the broom is beaten . The same is true of male customers , " it 's not supposed to be a mistake . It says . Employees " do not like that at this inn ! The room was clean . There is nothing there . Only the futon is in the lower part of the closet . " No one is there , just a mistake . Employees say in an intimidating manner . However , when turning around , " Hittin ' " and landed the voice of surprise . I didn 't know what was going on , the direction the employee looked at , the window , and nothing reflected . Again , an employee who runs away from the closet and escapes into the hallway . All the guests who do not know what is . " What is it ? " What 's happening ? " Under the closet , " he says . A male visitor immediately enters the room , and there is a futon in the bottom of the closet . Even if the fusuma of the other side is opened and checked , there is still a futon . " What is it ? " Nothing . At the moment when all six people said , the window was Concord , and Concord was beaten . They look at the window in unison The room is reflected in the window . The number of people is six . The window also reflects the employees sitting in the hallway . Women are also reflected . I 'm seeing her , and she 's a male guest . However , there is another face which is sandwiched between the futon and the futon . I don 't know whether it is a man or a woman , but there is something that looks like a face . The male customer immediately checks away from the closet . The appearance is reflected in the window . But the eyes of other people , including me , are glued to the closet in the window . It seems to twist the body feel the face to come out while putting out the sound with the Zuzuzu Zuzuzu . Huh and breathing also sound between Zuzuzu Zuzuzu . The male guest is back to flee from there . Zuzuzu and face come out as you chase it . Then she seemed to feel uncomfortable . Said to the male customer . Although it is difficult to express a little , the mirror usually reflects back and forth . In a word , the back of the male guest is enlarged to the window if the male guest back behind . As the face approaches , the face becomes large and it is reflected . But what she noticed in a word seems to come out of the window rather than say that her face is coming out of the futon . While the back of the man is large , but there is no three - dimensional feeling , the face comes out if you come out , it increases the three - dimensional feeling . To the male customers , " Get away ! It ran away to here immediately when saying . The face stinking from the futon fast and comes out . The sound of Zuzuzu Zuzuzu is heard from the closet beside the entrance , but the face comes out from the window three - dimensional . At the same time , the one that it was a face gradually begins to see clearly . I thought it was my face , but a strange thing came out of the window to make me wonder whether or not I was right . It was a lump of pale pink which was drenched . The body was drenched , and the lump like the face feel it . The sound that came out at that time was Zuzuzu . Because there is a recess in the position of the eyeball and the mouth which hangs to the place of the person 's eyes , it is not understood what is actually coming out from the futon only because it looks at the person 's face . The female customers who had gone insane until now have not understood what is happening , and are just stunned . At that moment , I heard a voice from behind . And at the same time , a lump like the face is " ah ah ah oh oh ah ah oh ah oh ah ah oh " I was raised screaming like an animal cry and crawling while moving toward the outside of the window crawling around at a great speed I don 't know what really happened or what was going on . A situation in which everyone is not able to emanating and understand . Since the time has begun to feel cold , the male guest is " why not go to the lobby or the front desk ? " I headed to the lobby in front of the door , and the other employees rushed in to get the heating . I waited in silence until the morning while drinking a warm tea to have prepared the thing and the drape on the blanket . I was told by other employees that it was unbelievable to talk to a female employee . There is nothing to believe because six adults are trembling indeed . In the morning , the female guests told their employees that they wanted to get their luggage , " Why do they meet this ? " What is this inn ? I started to complain . A male guest and me and she talked a little and tried to sort out what happened . Is there a graveyard or shrine outside the window ? When she asked her employees , she said , " the outside is a cliff , and there is a river just down . It was answered . Then , when talking to the employee about what happened in the bathroom , it was only the river outside the bathroom . I don 't know what happened after all . The outside was getting brighter , so the employees brought breakfast and ate it . Because the female guest wanted to return immediately , it called the Taxi , and the inn was left with the luggage which had been taken . The male guest and me and she tried to get back into the room , but the fear still remained , and the other employees arrived . And I decided to have my luggage packed and sent to the station by car . There is certainly a bad feeling just because there is no punch . It seems to be a thread that does not become fashionable after a long time . I was scared . This is my story . The last school excursion in junior high school stopped at an inn in a certain prefecture . At that time , the junior high school that I attended was a local one of the mammoth schools with more than 600 students in the first year , and a banquet was held at a different ryokan in the boys and girls . On that day , the typhoon was very close , and I was able to call the repair shop where one window glass cracked in a flurry . Window side A I was determined to sleep in the room in four BC entrance like this . The buzzing in the room , the flowers bloom in the erotic scary story , time has passed quickly , so the teacher came to check in the patrol at bedtime . Of course , it was the time when it was past 1 o ' clock at midnight that everyone slept . The TV got bored and everyone was tired and slept . In a strong rain sound , the sound and the call are mixed with the ground kicking and bouncing . Hey , hey , there you are , you know , the voice has been heard for many minutes . B : Are you awake ? " C " sounds strange , doesn 't it ? I do not remember finely C in B , but only a little peek from the gap of the window with the curtain up from the futon three people were asleep without reacting . You 're a carefree . They turn the curtains slightly and peek around from the gaps . Three people felt a strain there . There is no hair , the shape of the eye is distorted , a part of the body is black , and the feature of the more is that my memory refuses , and I do not remember that there was a strong chill near my throat and neck . . . . . who 's neck is Guna bent Guget . laughed . The laughter of such a feeling that the voice of the man who often goes out in the special feature program of the crime and the police is changed Gotsu in the strange machine . It is not a thing that man can say naturally . I got scared and tightened the curtains and three of them dived into my futon . The laughter of Guget is stuck to the ear . I saw a swinging shaking on the veranda . This is the second - floor approach , not a joke . The existence of the mysterious sound of the window is strongly different from the impact of the flurry it was an angry and violent way of beating , and it usually swagger in the class , and a body of a was bothering the teacher , and a sweat was crying out from the forehead beside me , and this guy was really awake . A is muttering something . I heard the voice in the room . It 's not a Buddha . I don 't do it anymore , I don 't do that . I understand who brought this cause at the time . I 'm a deranged man . I put B , C and a , and I get out of the room screaming first . There is no recollection of the destination , but I woke up in a different room . Three people were found to have fallen to the teacher in front of the room , and it seemed to have been helped . When the teacher went to the room , a sweat , a tear , a runny nose , and a dirty story , but the manure was discharged and it was fainting in the middle of the night . Because the person of the inn who was sent to the hospital by the ambulance reported , the police person came to hear variously , and I did not know what to answer . After all , the school trip ended without the enthusiastic . A was freaking out . I came to come to school sometimes , but I became silent and no one talked to anyone . The thing like B and C to avoid me from the old , and to gather by four people and play together disappeared . A did not come to school at once when it was early to leave early , and to become three semesters . After all , the graduation ceremony was not attended , and it became a high school student , and it had been dismantled when passing near a house by chance . I don 't know the whereabouts of a . I don 't know the ending . It 's not a story , it 's a real story . Excuse me from my cell phone . When I was a kid , I had a friend who said K . K had a lot of beetles , but instead of collecting and rearing the adults , they grew from eggs and larvae . Breeding of beetles is unexpectedly difficult . There were a lot of guys who died in the larva and the chrysalis without growing up until becoming an adult because the young boy who had not especially the expert knowledge was indebted . … The idea of a child is horrible , isn 't it ? When going to the house of K one day , K stabbed chopsticks in the paper cup , and it mixes something . What the hell are you doing , I peered at his hand . The one that had been stirred in the paper cup was not grown ! , and the chaotic in the dead Beetle paper cup , and the sound of stirring was still not forgotten . I 've made a nest in the House condominium parking swallow nest parents abandon their children . And chicks lying down and scrambled for some reason . One feather still quacking frantically . Pick up birds going to consult a veterinary hospital in the neighborhood , and so on . Vinyl gloves and are looking for a small place rushed home , put the chick box have , running in the parking lot . Vinyl gloves , presumably to reach chicks not come . In trouble , turn the hands . Suddenly you see below . Sandals is ticks of the tens of thousands of animals have swarmed teeming swarmed teeming wearing has been . Foot Dani ! ! zozozozo zozozozo zozozozo zozozozo zozozozo zozozozo results : trauma ( still writes urticaria . . . ) is still a chicks chicks deny ( be - ω - ' ) only went the following day chicks are little nest during Dani was cold . Where went that Dani ? . . . Oh - to zovazova . . . ' That I post a fool , a fool he practiced that way . At that time no CD boombox with microphone , " is our spirit remains in the real world you have here tell me . . . " It was a simple method of recording blank cassette said . Aniki was studying in the room next door , but the way is not and was doing in secret thoughts . After 60 minutes , played in A side that not only that user . Oh yeah . Was the press head out . Anything if the quantity - sounds to it . Churluchurulchur . . . half on the B - plane . . . Only fear was felt in the position of the fool of the elementary school child . I played back the rewind . " The user , ( here is why the noise is completely clear ) " Giggy ( sound like the Iron door opens ) Mom Stop ( boy ? Stop it , Mom ( girl ? ) Help ? Stop it ! Two 。 " The person who seems to be mom here counts things like documents ) Shakashaka Shakashaka Shakashaka Shakashaka Shakashaka . Mom - Stop ( children screaming ) annulled the iron door closed again . Guigashan . . . . . . you have a . . . . . . A . . . Zar . I turned to the room next to Aniki 's mischief . The Aniki was pale when the tape was heard . You ？ You were downstairs , right ? ( My room is upstairs ) did you hear such a loud sound ? Yes . It is recorded at an impossible volume . I tried to close the door of my room and experiment . No , No . The noise does not disappear . . . " A similar sound comes out , but the complaint comes out from the bag and is noisy . If you think about the multiple recordings of boys and girls . If they don 't . . . How do you Kimeru this voice ? At that time , the psychic record of the Princess off course is famous , and Aniki and I conclude that the discussion " Let 's retire from cursed " was canceled . I still don 't understand the meaning of that conversation . Don 't listen to the spirit of the world in half . I 'm sorry I didn 't have a punch , but it 's true . I have a little memory of the time , but there is one thing I can remember very vividly . When I was in kindergarten , I was playing with a ghost girl . The child is sure to Ritsuko name . The first time I met was when I was playing alone in a vacant lawn in the back of the park where I lived . After I met her and played with her for a while , Ritsuko revealed to me that she was a ghost . I think it was a very rare kind of ghost when I thought about revealing my identity . Ritsuko was a very serious face , so I didn 't see her lying . In fact , if you look well , you have no legs . I thought it was real . But I wasn 't scared . When I was playing with Ritsuko , it was really fun and it was always a night . I felt that I was hard while I was a child to forget time . Aside from being cursed by my Ritsuko , I was not a tired , and I was playing as a friend of a different kind every day . No secret to parents or friends . Because I felt it should be a secret . I think I was probably at the end of kindergarten senior . One day , I went to the vacant lot of the lawn , played until the night , and then I said , and then I was going to go home , and Ritsuko stall me to see me . To me suspicious , Ritsuko certainly said : "○ ○ ( Me ) is not a shin " because I did not understand the place where the word meant , and answered , yes for the time being , I left the vacant lot of the lawn . I haven 't seen Ritsuko since then . It 's gone . Without a trace . And just then I moved away from the vacant lawn . But , even now , I have never forgotten the Ritsuko . Well , I 'm depressed now . No , it 's just that the doctor judged it right . I can 't think of a cause for depression . It 's not like I 'm being bullied , my family is all good , and I don 't feel too stressed because I 'm so easygoing and honest . But I don 't know why , but it 's not fun to do anything . My favorite computer and anime are not fun at all . I feel like I 'm forgetting even the feeling that it 's already fun ! Of course , I tried to commit suicide several times . But every time I get saved . It is possible to be saved by the guy who is absolutely going to die . Every time I think it 's not fun , whenever I try to commit suicide , I remember Ritsuko . It was an unusual day . " ○ ○ - Kun is not a shin , " and I was just about to get depressed , when I met Ritsuko . This is the story when I was 14 years old . During the winter vacation , my uncle in N Prefecture ( even though he was still in his 30s ) decided to go to the villa to play . It seems that she wanted to go with her , but she recently broke up and invited me . Because I had been getting along since I was a little , I was happy to go to play . My uncle lived in the same city as me , and in the early morning , my uncle came to pick me up in the car and left the car . My uncle was a very fashionable person , and I had a lot of fun , outdoors , music , etc . , and I respected him . It was an eight - hour long journey by car , but it was really fun to talk in the car , listen to music , or blah a break on the way . Before long , I arrived near my destination and bought dinner ingredients at the supermarket . Then we climbed a pretty mountain path and went to the villa . It was not so big , but it was a stylish retreat of the wooden lodge . I can see two or three other villas in the land where I fell a little . The person was not coming . Dinner was a barbecue in the garden . It was usually cheap meat , but I feel delicious when I bake it with charcoal . The hormone , the seafood , and the vegetable were baked , and it ate really stuff . Rice even cooked in cooking and was the best dinner . After a meal , I went to a room with a fireplace and watched TV and played with PS3 , Famicom and NES . I was shocked because it was a virgin at that time because the back video was shown . At midnight , the scary story was raised . My uncle was very good at this direction and was really scared . If you have a chance to write that story . . . It was muttered with Shing that it did not enter Shing Hillback like my uncle remembered it by chance . It seems that the local people seldom enter anything . It seems to be able to matsutake . It may not matter , but the president of the nearby Villa also said that he was nipples in hillback . No , I never entered it when I heard such a creepy thing , and I thought at that time . Such a thing , I play down until about five o ' clock in the early morning , andI woke up in the sunlight plugging into my room . The time has already been around 12 o ' clock . Remember the thirst and go drinking water on the ground floor . When I peek at my uncle 's room on the way , snoring is still sleeping . It 's cold but really pleasant morning . The air of the mountain is completely different from the city . Go back to your room , go out on the veranda , and sit in a chair . The view was exactly hillback . There was no other thing . It looked like a normal mountain . I recalled that there was a telescope in the room . I want to see the scenery of nature and bring the telescope to the veranda . There is only high performance , and it looks really beautiful even in a distant scenery . The town looked far away , but the surrounding mountains were moved to the birds requires by the trees . Did you take a peek at me for about 30 minutes ? When I was looking at the trees of the hillback , there was something that moved into sight . People ？ Looked like . I can see my back . The head is slick . She is shaking the whole body . Local people ? Dance ？ I have a sickle in my hand . However , the strange thing is to say naked though it is this midwinter . Such a festival ? However , there is only one person . The thought was confusing , and various things came to mind . I can 't see my face because I 'm on my back . Seeing the movement , I remembered the Sankai juku . Shing don 't look any more Shing and instinctively felt so . It might be a man , but a little Michelle . Feeling bad . But Curiosity has won . Maximize telescope zoom . The back of the head . The color is white . Get , and then , when who danced , it turned slowly . Perhaps , the shape of the face which seems to be man was made . There is a nose and a mouth . However , there is no eyebrows , and the eyes are only one in the place of the eyebrows . Vertically . The body trembled . The first one . A malformation of the people Who , the lens of the telescope was eye - aligned . The mouth is distorted . Laughing . Shing Wow I was screaming at the moment when Shing eyes were right . Tears do not stop . Anyway , I want " What happened ! ? " " Bakemon ! ! " The cell phone is still ringing . Pullru . My uncle is staring at the cell phone . He came to me . I was incontinent with fear . die . I heard a scream like a crawfish of a horse 's horse . Even in the mouth , blows . To blow . In the eyes of a guy . In eye . But , in the vicinity of this mountain , I can not get through the cell phone . Look . I do not have a single antenna now , do you ? If you have a little long relationship . A and B , two young people were driving . It hit the shadow which appeared in front of suddenly . " Oh , crap ! Two people get off the car in a hurry . " Wow ~ . I hear moaning . It seems to have hit the person apparently . But the two felt a strange feeling similar to relief . The hit was a bit of a funny - headed tramp in the city where they lived . From two young people , he is like a roadside cat . " Oh , this is him ! " Ah , the old man ! The two were going to leave the car while laughing , etc . When I was still living with 300 , 000 , 000 brothers in my father 's ball bag , my father enjoyed climbing Akiyama with two mountain buddies . The weather is good , and it seems to have climbed smoothly while singing " Song of Mountain " and leisurely . However , it suddenly began to gas from around noon . As it is , it has rained in an instant like ' maiden heart and the sky of the mountain ' . The father of the self - proclaimed veteran was wearing a yakke from the gas area , so there was no problem , when I walk at the pace as it is , one of my companions ( tentatively Mr . Higuchi ) is " . . . The Mutter Shi . When I touch the forehead , it is very hot . And the face is blue . This is bad . I finally reached the hut with a feeling of lending my shoulder to Mr . Higuchi . It took three hours already at that time . Mr . Higuchi 's complexion has already become earthy , and I wanted to lay it on the side early . However , the bad thing overlaps , and the hut is already full . People were overflowing in the hallway . Father " Please sleep at least higuchi alone " management of the Mountain lodge " I 'm sorry . If you are a healthy person , you can force stay . That 's what you 're taking . . . Father " is still OK ! ! Thank you ! ! Management of the Lodge " I understand . here . . . " The father was anticlimactic to see the room that was guided as it was . This is the story of the Black Cat last winter . At that time , she lived with her mother and had a black cat . This black cat was very cute , and I went into the Kotatsu , and when I was a PC , I always rode on my knees and was very pretty . As usual , the cat came to the night when I had to kill time on the PC . Because I was absorbed in the PC , although I felt the sign , I did not release my eyes from the monitor without confirming the appearance . It seemed to be around behind me , and it should to my hips , and gradually moved to the knees . ( Again , it 's heavy . . . ) , etc . , I thought some uncomfortable , but because it is still a cute domestic cat , I decided to put up the heavy and let it be on the knees as it is . When I do not have a personal computer , I am still hooked on my PC and I am glued to the monitor , and of course both hands are operating the keyboard and mouse . After a while . . . " Nyao " and the voice of the cat . Eh ? When I turned around the voice , a black cat was sitting in the corner of the room . However , there is still a sense that there is something on the knee . Something other than a black cat . I saw something on my lap for the first time here . It was a raw warm , man 's head . It was covered with black hair , wide open eyes and saw here . There 's nothing down the neck , just the head . . . |
When I started this blog my daughter had a best friend named Dora . Dora lived with us . Dora was invisible . When I told my daughter , I was going to start a blog of stories for her , she asked me to write stories for Dora . So we called this blog Stories for Dora . Now , that my daughter has outgrown Dora , she has reclaimed her blog and we have changed the name to Stories for Aurella . So here are stories for my daughter and you . It was the week before Thanksgiving . Nicolette Bradshaw 's mother had just had baby Hope , and she wasn 't up to a cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner . " Are we going to have turkey ? " asked Nicolette worriedly . It just wouldn 't be Thanksgiving without turkey . " Of course . " Mommy assured her . " But , it is just going to be you and me and Daddy this year for dinner . " she explained . " Oh . " replied Nicolette quietly . She was used to big gatherings of twenty or thirty people with her grandparents , and lots of aunts , uncles and cousins . She was sad that she wouldn 't get to see her cousins but she was happy to have Mommy and Daddy and her new baby sister all to herself . On Sunday , Daddy went out to the supermarket . He brought back a big turkey . It looked really tasty . Nicolette couldn 't until waited until it was cooked and ready to eat . On Monday , Grandma came over to drop off some food . She brought potatoes and Cranberry sauce and Pumpkin Pie and another turkey . " I knew your Daddy would be too busy to get a turkey so I got this with my grocery rewards . " she told Nicolette as Nicolette helped her put the food away until it needed to be heated up for Thanksgiving dinner . Nicolette knew better than to try arguing with Grandma . She didn 't know what they were going to do with two turkeys though . Two whole turkeys was way to much for four people especially when one of them was baby , Hope who couldn 't even eat turkey . On Tuesday , Uncle Bill and Aunt Betty stopped by on their way out of town . They were going to their daughter 's house for Thanksgiving , and she lived in another state . They dropped off another turkey . " We got this turkey fresh from Tom 's Turkey farm . " explained Aunt Betty handing Nicolette another turkey . " We have been going there for years , and their turkeys are absolutely the freshest most tasty turkeys around . " she added . Nicolette sighed . They now had three turkeys . What were they supposed to do with three turkeys ? They would surely be eating leftover turkey for a long long time . Just the thought of it was making Nicolette lose her appetite for turkey at all . On Wednesday , some of the neighbor 's came by . They greeted Nicolette warmly and handed her yet another turkey . " We knew your Mom would be busy with the new baby so we brought you this . " they said cheerfully . Nicolette could not believe they now had four turkeys . She was truly beginning to hate the sight of turkey , and she did not care if she ever saw , smelled or tasted another turkey as long as she lived . " What 's the matter , Princess ? " Daddy asked her cheerfully when he arrived home from work that day . He hated to see her looking so sad . " Four turkeys ? " said Daddy in surprise . " How did we get four turkeys ? " He didn 't sound the least bit upset about it though . After Nicolette explained how they came to have four turkeys , he still didn 't seem the least bit upset . " I 'll take care of it . " he told her , " and I promise you won 't have to eat turkey every day for the rest of your life . " He took three of the turkeys and left the house . " I took the extra turkeys to the food bank to be donated to people who don 't have any turkeys . " explained Daddy . " There are a lot of hungry people out there . We can share with them like our friends and family shared with us . " " Oh Daddy . " said Nicolette proudly . " That is so nice . " Suddenly four turkeys didn 't seem like too many at all . It seemed like too few . She wished they had enough turkeys to feed all the hungry people in the world . Well , at least they had been able to give turkeys to three families . It might not be the whole world , but it was a start . Lacy and Jacy Edwards were twins . They loved each other and they hated each other . They were each other 's best friends and each others worst enemies . More than anything , they were incredibly jealous of each other . They were each convinced that Mommy and Daddy loved the other one more . Another time , Lacy took a ride to the store with Daddy . When they got back , Jacy was standing by the door waiting for them . She did not look happy . " I knew she was your favorite ! " she said angrily pointing her finger at Daddy . Lacy frowned angrily . " Pick me up , Daddy . " she said tugging on his arm as he set Jacy down again . Daddy smiled and kissed her , but he didn 't pick her up . " I knew you were his favorite . " she said to Jacy angrily as Daddy went into the house . Finally , Mommy and Daddy had enough . They sat Lacy and Jacy down on the couch one afternoon and had a talk with them . " We do not love either of you better than the other . " they said " We love you both exactly the same . " To prove it , they had a Mommy and Lacy and Jacy day . Mommy fixed both their hair exactly the same way and did their nails exactly the same way . Then , they had tea ( well really milk and cookies ) . They each had the same amount of cookies and the same amount of milk , and Mommy sat right in the middle of the them . They had a Daddy and Lacy and Jacy night . They sat on the couch and ate popcorn each in a little individual bowl of the same size . Daddy sat right in the middle of them and held one arm around each of them . They ran down the stairs excitedly to say goodnight to Mommy and Daddy and tell them that they were done being jealous of each other . Mommy and Daddy were sitting on the couch with their arms around each other . They looked really happy . Jacy and Lacy looked at Mommy and Daddy . Then , they looked at each other . They looked back at Mommy and Daddy . " You love Daddy better than us ! " said Lacy angrily pointing at Daddy . Becka Barnaby was 4 years old . She lived with her mom , her dad , and her big sister Nicole . Nicole was 16 years old . Nicole got to do everything . And get things Becka was to young to get . Nicole even had a 1 year old puppy named Scooter , and a boyfriend named Mike . Becka was very jealous . One day Mommy was sitting on the couch in the living room , checking her email on her laptop , and Becka was sitting on the floor playing with her baby dolls when Nicole walked in . " Mom can I go to Danielle Delanardy 's party she is in my homeroom . The party is this Saturday . Please . " begged Nicole . " Baby it 's nice to be the youngest also . You get to do everything last . When you see Nicole doing or getting something you know to look forward to getting to do it yourself . And the mistakes we made on Nicole we know not to make on you . " Mommy explained . Beth Brooks , an 11 year old girl , lived with her mom , her dad , and her little sister Lola . Lola was 7 years old . To you and me that isn 't a very big age difference , but to Beth it was . Beth was so jealous of Lola . She wished it was herself who was the youngest . Lola got away with everything . Even things Beth didn 't get away with . " I said , TO YOUR ROOM . " Mom commanded . She had wanted to watch her favorite show , but she had used up her screen time . Later that day , a while after Beth had come out of room , Lola had asked to play her ds . " Pleeeaaaaase ! " begged Lola . Then she ran off to play . " When I whine I get sent to my room . " declared Beth . " When Lola whines she gets what she wants . " " It is to ! Lola gets everything she wants . She 's so perfect . I always have to be a good influence on her . And protect her . And let her use my things . And take the high road . She just sits back and relaxes . And gets everything she wants . And never gets in trouble , or yelled at . And everybody thinks she so cute . And she 's your little baby . I wish I was the youngest . " Beth explained through tears . " Sweety , do you really feel like that ? " Mom asked . Beth nodded . " Honey , you don 't have to let her use your things . She has to take the high road too sometimes . She does work too . She doesn 't get everything she wants . And nobody 's perfect . And she does get in trouble . And people think you are beautiful . And you are my baby too . Listen Beth , I was the oldest also . I know what it 's like . I mean ya it 's tough but it 's also fun . She looks up to you . " Mom told her . Once upon a time , there was a Mom and a Big Sister and a Little Sister . They all lived in a house in a nice neighborhood with a good school . One fine sunny day , they decided to have lunch out on their back patio . They were sitting pleasantly eating their lunch when the phone rang . Mom went into the house to answer it . It was Grandma . Big Sister and Little Sister came into the house to talk to her too . Grandma was quite a talker . Once she got going , it was hard to get her to stop talking so they were gone for quite a while . When they finally came out , Mom said " Someone has been eating my lunch . " She held up her chicken sandwich which had a big bite out of it . " " Someone has been eating my lunch . " said little sister , " and , now it is all gone ! " She held up the empty plate where her tuna fish sandwich had been . They went back into the house and went into the den . " Someone has been sitting in my seat . " said Mom . She picked up the cushions from her chair off the floor where they had fallen and put them back on her chair . They went upstairs to the bedrooms . First they went into Mom 's room . " Someone has been lying in my bed . " said Mom . She fixed her rumpled covers . They went into the girls ' room . " Someone has been lying in my my bed . " said Big Sister . She straightened up the toys that she kept on her bed . " Someone has been sleeping in my bed , and there she is ! " said Little sister pointing to her bed . There was their golden furry cat , Giglocks , purring soundly in the middle of Little Sister 's bed . They all laughed . The noise startled Gigilocks . She woke up and opened her eyes and scrambled out of the room . They all laughed even harder . " Come on . " said Mom to the two girls when they finally stopped laughing . " I 'll make you some more lunch . " They went back downstairs . Patricia Underwood was going to be 7 years old in a week . She was having a princess party . She couldn 't wait to put up her special party decorations . She couldn 't wait to taste her delicious chocolatey cake with the creamy pink frosting . Most of all , she couldn 't wait to wear her brand - new pretty pink party dress . Every day , she would go to her closet and stare at her dress . " Can I just try it on for a minute , mommy ? " she begged . Her mother smiled at her eagerness . " Patience my darling . " she said . " Your birthday will be here soon enough . " Patricia frowned disappointedly . She didn 't think so . A few days before her birthday , Patricia stood in front of her closet again staring at her dress . She was going to ask Mommy again if she could try on her beautiful party dress . She opened her mouth to call out to her mother , but then quickly closed it again . What could it hurt if she just tried the dress on for a minute she thought . Mommy wouldn 't have to know . She quickly looked out out of her bedroom door . Nobody was around . She locked the door . She gently lifted the dress out of the closet and slipped it off the hanger . She put it on . It felt so satiny and smooth next to her skin . Now , she really felt like a beautiful princess . She wanted to see if she looked as pretty as she felt . Patricia tiptoed to her door . She put her ear to it and listened . She heard the sound of Mommy 's voice loudly talking to Grandma on the phone downstairs . She quickly opened her bedroom door and scurried into Mom 's room across the hall . She went over to the full length mirror on Mommy 's closet door and gazed in . " Oh ! " she said happily staring at her reflection . Finally , she pulled herself away from the mirror . She realized she better hurry and put her dress away before Mommy got off the phone . As Patricia hurried out of the room , she accidentally knocked into Mommy 's make - up table . Several bottles of perfume fell off the table and spilled all over her dress . It smelled awful . It smelled like a perfume factory . " Oh no ! " she cried bursting into tears . " My dress is ruined . " She went back to her room , and quickly peeled off her dress and threw it on the bottom of her closet . Then , she lay down on her bed just as she heard Mommy coming up the stairs . " Grandma is going to pick up the cake on her way to your party . " said Mommy . Patricia nodded , but she didn 't smile . Mommy knew it wasn 't like her to not be more excited about something having to do with her upcoming birthday party . " What 's the matter ? " she asked sitting down on the bed beside Patricia . Mommy looked around the room . She spied a flash of pink under the closet door . She went to the closet and opened the door . She saw Patricia 's party dress lying in a crumbled heap on the floor . She pulled it out of the closet . She looked at Patricia and frowned . Then , suddenly , she smelled a terrible odor . She sniffed and realized it was coming from the dress . She looked at Patricia . " What happened ? " she asked . " I 'm sorry Mommy . " said Patricia through her tears . " I know you told me not to try - on my dress before my party , but it was just so beautiful . I just couldn 't help myself . Now it 's ruined , and I have no party dress ! I might as well not have a party at all ! " She buried her head in her pillow and started crying even louder . Mommy sat down beside her and gently lifted her face off her pillow . " Don 't worry , baby . " she said sweetly . " I can wash it and the smell should come out , but it couldn 't have been much worse . Maybe , next time you 'll listen . Sometimes , mommies know what their talking about . They don 't just say things to be mean . " Amy O ' Brien was five years old , and she knew everything . At least she thought she did . Whenever anybody asked a question Amy had the answer even if it was the wrong answer . " Why does it rain ? " asked her little sister Alecia . " Because people in heaven are crying . " replied Amy . One day , Amy 's mother told her that the show School House Rock was going to be performed . Amy really wanted to go see it . Her mother had given her a School House Rock DVD , and she really loved watching it . " Can we go see it , mommy ? " she asked eagerly . Mommy nodded . Amy jumped up and down excitedly . Soon the day of the play arrived . Mommy and Amy got in the car . Alecia was staying with Daddy . She was not a big girl like Amy . That did not make Amy feel one bit better . " Of course , you 're going the wrong way , Mommy . " Amy insisted . " The school is the other way . " Mommy tried to explain to Amy that the show was not at the school , it was at the community theater . Amy didn 't want to hear it . " It 's at the school , Mommy . It 's School House Rock . It isn 't commununity theater rock . " When Amy 's mother tried to explain it to her again , Amy begin to cry . " Please Mommy . Please turn the car around . " She kept crying and carrying on until her mother couldn 't stand it any more , and she turned the car around . Amy wiped her eyes . " Thank you , Mommy . Thank you . " she said gratefully . She leaned forward eagerly in her seat . She couldn 't wait to see the show . The school parking lot was empty . Amy couldn 't understand why . Mommy was going to drive right by the school , but Amy insisted they stop and look around . They went around the whole school twice , but there was nobody there . " I 've been trying to explain to you , " said her mother . " The show is at the community theater . Just because it 's called School House Rock doesn 't mean it 's going on at the school . " Mommy smiled and kissed her . " I guess you don 't . " she agreed . " But , don 't worry . Nobody knows everything . " she added . Belinda Blake loved black . Everything had to be black . " Belinda , sweetie , it 's time for your first day of first grade . " called Mommy . Belinda was ecstatic . She came bouncing down the stairs in 20 seconds . " Well someone 's happy . " Daddy called as he bounded in through the kitchen door . He kissed Belinda on the cheek . Belinda 's older brother Ty , and her older sister Marissa came in from the dining room each holding a banana and a poptart . " Hey , Hey , Hey . " Marissa cheerily exclaimed . Ty just gave a small wave . Belinda was wearing a black dress with a black bow tied around the middle , she wore shiny , bright , black wedges , and in her wavy brown hair was a black headband with a big black flower on it . " Let 's go . " urged Belinda . She pulled Mommy out the door . When they got there , Marissa skipped in and Mommy and Daddy each blew her a kiss . " Hi , I 'm Mrs . Hoogledoggen , you must be Belinda . " the teacher greeted . The girls stared at her like she had two heads . They were both wearing bright colored dresses . One 's name was Emmy . The other was named Jess . Jess was wearing a baby blue dress . Emmy was wearing a hot pink dress . In fact , when Belinda looked around everyone was wearing bright colors except Belinda . Belinda was embaressed . The next day Belinda borrowed Marissa 's clothes without asking . She came down the stairs wearing a bright blue dress , with pink shoes , and a bright purple headband . " Belinda why are you wearing my clothes ? " Marissa asked . " They aren 't even black . " But everybody else isn 't you . You are Belinda Blake , and Belinda wears black . Besides you are the only Belinda , so don 't try to be someone you aren 't . Just be you . " Marissa soothed . Belinda changed her clothes into a black top with black pants . At school Belinda played with Emmy and Jess . It turned out they were staring at her because they admired how she wore completely black even though no one else did . Willa Quinlan was five years old . Her older sister , Valerie was seven . Valerie was a very good girl . Willa was a very bad girl . or at least she thought she was . Nobody ever told Willa she was a bad girl . She just knew . All , she ever heard was " Valerie , what a good girl you are " or " Valerie , what a polite girl you are . " or " Valerie , what a nice girl you are . " Nobody ever said these things to Willa . Willa was a tomboy . She liked to play in the dirt and climb trees and run around . She couldn 't sit still for more than a minute or two . Valerie liked to sit quietly and play with her dolls . She hated dirt and trees . She could sit still for hours . Willa loved Valerie , but she was also jealous of her big sister . Just once , she wanted to hear someone say " Willa , what a good girl you are . " She decided if she needed to be more like her sister to have people treat her like her sister than that 's what she would do . She went to her closet and put on a pretty dress . Then , she went down to the kitchen where Mommy was making breakfast . Mommy was frying eggs . She looked up when she saw Willa and smiled . " Why , Willa " she said teasingly . " I have never seen you wear a dress before without my having to make you wear one . " Willa frowned at mommy and rolled her eyes . " Mommy , " she said in her most grown up voice . " I 'm five years old now . I 'm a lady . " Mommy gave Willa a puzzled look . " Okay , she said . " but , I thought you would want to play in the mud puddles from last night 's rain . You can 't do that in a dress . " Willa went to the window and looked out . She looked longingly at the mud puddles . Then , she quickly turned away from the window . " I 'm too old for that stuff . " she said , but she didn 't sound happy about it . After breakfast , Valerie sat and played with her dolls in the den . Willa sat and played with her dolls too . She didn 't really like dolls that much and she didn 't have as many as Valerie . Valerie happily played with her dolls without losing interest . Willa quickly got bored . She started throwing her dolls around . Willa reluctantly stopped . She went over to the window and sat down and looked out . Those mud puddles sure looked fun . Maybe , if she just went out and looked at them close up , it would be okay . She looked around to see if Mommy was still there . She wasn 't . Valerie was still busy playing with her dolls in the corner . She wasn 't paying attention to Willa . Willa quietly tiptoed out of the house . Willa quietly stood by a big mud puddle . She thought about all the beautiful mud pies she could make from such a nice mud puddle . She better not think about that . She better go do something less messy like Valerie would do if she wanted to be like Valerie . She quickly turned to go back in the house , but she turned a little bit too quickly and lost her balance . Splat ! She fell right into the mud puddle . At just that moment , Mommy looked out of the window . She saw the mudcovered Willa and came running out of the house . " Willa ! " she exclaimed angrily . " Why did you put on a nice dress if you wanted to play in the mud ? " Willa instantly started crying . Her tears mixed with the mud on her face making her an even bigger mess than she already was . " I didn 't want to play in the mud , Mommy . " she explained through her tears . " I just wanted to look at it . I don 't want to do those things anymore . I want to be a good girl like Valerie . " Mommy took Willa in her arms and hugged her tightly not even caring that the mud that was all over Willa started getting all over Mommy too . " Oh , Willa . " she said . " Sometimes , you get into trouble , but nobody ever said you weren 't a good girl . " ' " She made a big hole in it . " Willa remembered . She smiled at the memory , but then she immediately frowned . " But , it would probably be better if I was more like Valerie . More good . " Now , it was Mommy 's turn to frown . " You 're a good girl , Willa Quinlan , and I don 't want you to be like anyway but you . " She gave Willa a big hug not even caring that by now , she was looking almost as muddy as Willa . Willa smiled and happily hugged her mother back . Ula Erickson had an umbrella . It was pink and purple with flowers and butterflies . It was fancy and frilly and super girly . It was her favorite possession . Her beloved Aunt Millie gave it to her for her 7th birthday . She used it in the sun and in the rain . Ula had a younger sister named Adria . Adria was jealous of Ula 's umbrella . " Aunt Millie likes Ula better than me . " Adria complained one day as she watched Ula get ready to go out in the rain with her umbrella . " Of course , she doesn 't . " insisted Mommy . " What would make you say that ? " Mommy smiled . " Don 't worry . You 'll get one when you 're older . " she assured Adria However , that was not good enough for Adria . Sometimes , she hated being the youngest . It was not fair ! About a week later , Ula 's umbrella disappeared . She looked all over the house for it . She could not find it anywhere . " Adria ! " she shouted angrily . " Did you see my umbrella ? " " What is going on ? " asked Mommy upon hearing all the yelling . She did not like it when Ula and Adria screamed at each other . They were sisters . Sisters should get along . Ula and Adria both began talking at once . " Hold on ! One at a time . " said Mommy . She led them to the couch in the den where they each sat on either side of her . Ula shook her head . She looked from Mommy to Adria and back again . She didn 't care what Adria said or what Mommy believed . She knew Adria had taken it . Adria had always been jealous of her umbrella . Ula fled from the room in tears . Days passed . Many of them rainy ones , perfect days for Ula 's umbrella . Still there was no sign of the umbrella . Ula continued to think that Adria had stolen it . Adria continued to insist that she hadn 't . They barely spoke to each other except to argue . They constantly glared at each across the room . Mommy tried to get them to stop fighting . " You 're sisters . " she said . " Sister 's need each other . You shouldn 't act this way . You should kiss and make up . " Ula and Adria wouldn 't listen . About a week later , Ula 's best friend , Amelia came back from a vacation to Florida . She came right over to see Ula . Ula was so happy to see her . It had been really lonely with Amelia away and not even having Adria to play with . " Oh Amelia ! " she exclaimed happily upon seeing her friend on her doorstep . " I 'm so happy your home . I missed you . " " Oh . " replied Ula excitedly . " You didn 't have to . " She eagerly took the plastic bag Amelia handed her . She couldn 't imagine what could be inside it . Maybe , it was a t - shirt or a pretty shell or a souvenir from Disney World . Amelia laughed . " Don 't get so excited . It is not that kind of thing . " she said . " I didn 't get it on my vacation . " Ula frowned in confusion . Now , she really couldn 't imagine what it could be . She quickly reached into the bag and pulled out her umbrella . To Ula , this was even better than a t - shirt or a shell or even a souvenir from Disney World . She was instantly filled with a jumble of emotions : relief at having her umbrella back , confusion over how Amelia got it , and regret for having accused Adria of taking it . She was so full of mixed up emotions that at first , she couldn 't even talk . She just stood there staring at her umbrella . Adria came running eagerly into the room . Despite , the fact that she and Ula hadn 't been talking she still loved her sister and missed playing with her . " I 'm sorry , Adria . " said Ula . She really really was sorry . " I 'm sorry I accused you of talking my umbrella . " She hugged Adria . Adria smiled . " That 's okay . " she said quietly . She was glad Ula had gotten her umbrella back and Ula was speaking to her again , but she was still jealous . Ula happily clutched her umbrella to her . She was so happy to have it back . She couldn 't bare to face another rainy day without it . She was so lucky to have her special umbrella . Suddenly , she looked up at Adria . Adria was staring at Ula with sad puppy dog eyes . " I 'm sorry , Adria . " said Ula again . " No , not that . " said Ula . " I 'm sorry that you don 't have your own special umbrella like me . From now on , I am going to share my umbrella with you . " " Yes . I 'm sure . " replied Ula sincerely . " After all , we 're sisters and sister 's need each other . " She hugged Adria . Riley Evans was always getting into trouble . She made messes . She didn 't listen . She did what she wasn 't supposed to . Yet , Riley didn 't mean to make so much trouble . " I 'm sorry , Mommy . " called Riley . She hurried downstairs to clean her mess . When she was finished , she was really hungry . " Can I have a snack ? " she asked eagerly . " Riley , " said Mommy disappointedly . " Why didn 't you tell me we were out of cheese sticks ? I went shopping yesterday . If I had known we were out of them I would have bought more . " " I 'm sorry , Mommy . " said Riley again . Suddenly , she wasn 't very hungry anymore . She quietly tiptoed out of the room before Mommy got even madder and scurried quickly up the stairs . She flopped down on her bed and looked around her room for something to do . She spied something in the corner of her room and went over to see what it was . It was her yellow ball . She knew Mommy didn 't like her to play ball in the house , but she started bouncing it around her room anyway . Startled by the sound of her mother 's voice , Riley let the ball slip out of her hands . It banged into her night table and knocked it over . The lamp that was standing on the table skidded off and broke . The loud crash sent Mommy quickly rushing up the stairs once again yelling Riley 's name . Upon seeing the damage in Riley 's room , she didn 't say anything . She just looked at Riley disappointedly . That wasn 't enough for Mommy . " I know you 're sorry , Riley . " she said angrily . " You 're always sorry . Sometimes , sorry just isn 't good enough . Sorry is not going to fix that lamp . Your grandma gave it to us just for you when you were born . You need to listen . You need to do what your supposed to in the first place . Then , maybe you won 't end up having to say you 're sorry all the time . " Riley just looked at her mother . She was really really sorry , but she didn 't say anything . She was so sorry she had disappointed Mommy . She really wanted to make Mommy proud . The next day , Riley cleaned her room without being asked . When she finished the last apple she told Mommy . She picked up her roller skates which lay next to the front door and was about to put them on when she remembered she wasn 't supposed to skate in the house . She put them away in the garage . At bedtime . Mommy told her . " I 'm very proud of you , Riley . You didn 't have to say sorry once today . " She smiled at Riley . " Riley sweetie , " said Mommy sitting on the bed beside her . " Whatever is the matter ? Do you feel okay ? " Riley nodded through her tears . " Then , what 's the matter ? " asked Mommy again . " You had a real good day today . You should be proud of yourself . I 'm proud of you . " " What if I am not so good tomorrow ? What if I have to say I 'm sorry for something ? What if I have to say sorry for a lot of things ? Then , you won 't be proud of me anymore . " Lorelei Gifford was five years old . More than anything else in the world she wanted to go to Coral Gardens . She was always hearing her Mom talk about it , and it sounded like the most beautiful place in the world . She could just picture it in her head , lush colorful gardens filled with green grass and trees and flowers of every color . Lorelei could not wait to go there . Every day , she begged " Can we go to Coral Gardens today , please ? ! " Finally , the magical day that Lorelei had waited for came . Finally , she was going to get to go to Coral Gardens . She woke up bright and early and got dressed without Mommy having to even ask her twice . Mommy , Daddy , Lorelei , and her big sister , Ginger all piled into the car . Lorelei sighed and slumped over in her seat . " Will you get off me ! " demanded Ginger angrily . " You are taking up the whole seat ! " She gave Lorelei a shove toward the window . " Good idea ! " exclaimed Lorelei eager to have something to do to pass the time away . She started singing the ABC song . As soon as she started Ginger took out her I - Pod and put on her own music to drown out the sound of Lorelei singing . Lorelei gave her a nasty look and sang even louder . Lorelei went through all of the songs she could think of to sing . That took all of about five or ten minutes . Then , she was bored out again . " Are we there yet ? " she asked once more . Lorelei looked out the window . They were on the highway and all she saw were other cars . She rested her head on her cheek and sighed yet again . She started kicking her leg back and forth . " Ow ! " exclaimed Ginger as Lorelei accidentally kicked her . " Lorelei stop kicking me . " Lorelei tried to sit still and quietly . She tried to concentrate really hard on the picture of Coral Gardens she had in her head . She couldn 't wait to get there . Lorelei was so excited . She decided to close her eyes and only open them when they arrived . A few minutes later although it seemed much longer than that , the car came to stop . Lorelei quickly undid her seat belt , jumped out of her seat , and looked up . " Oh , it 's so beau - - " she stopped herself before she could finish her sentence . Where were the trees ? Where was the grass ? Where were the flowers ? Where were the beautiful gardens ? All she saw in front of her was a mall . She looked at Mom . She looked at Dad . She looked at Ginger . They all looked very serious . Still she thought it must be a joke . She started laughing . " Ha ! Ha ! Very funny . " she said " When are we really going to get to Coral Gardens ? " Lorelei looked at Mommy and Daddy for confirmation . They nodded their heads . " This is Coral Gardens . " said Mommy . " Coral Gardens is a mall . We thought you knew that . " " No , I didn 't . " replied Lorelei disappointedly . All that long boring ride for nothing she thought . Suddenly , she felt very tired . Noli Yarborough and Zanita Flynn were best friends . They had been best friends since they first met back in preschool . They loved each other but they were always arguing . They were so competitive about everything . Neither of them ever wanted to give in . " I am taller than you . " Noli said to Zanita on the playground at school one day . She stretched up on her tippy toes . " You are not ! " replied Zanita angrily . She stretched up on her tippy toes too . Noli stretched even more . Zanita stretched more . They kept stretching more and more and trying to make themselves look taller and taller until they both fell over . Then , they stormed off angrily to opposite sides of the playground . Another day , they were at Zanita 's house after school . " I can can count higher than you can . " said Zanita . She started counting " one , two , three . . . " Of course , by the next day they were friend 's again , and they were at Noli 's house . They were sitting on the couch trying to decide what to do when Noli 's Chocolate Lab , Coco jumped up on the couch with them . " My dog is bigger than your dog . " said Zaneta . Noli 's mother couldn 't help smiling . " Oh , is that what this is all about ? " she said . Noli and Zaneta nodded their heads and opened their mouths to start arguing again . Noli 's mother cut them both off before they could get a word in . " Does it really matter ? " she asked . Noli and Zaneta were both silent . They didn 't know what to say . " Does it really matter whose dog is bigger ? " continued Noli 's mother . Once again Noli and Zaneta were silent . They looked at each other . They looked at Noli 's mother . " No , I guess it doesn 't matter . " Noli admitted finally . Rachel 's Grandma had a cat named Kiki . Kiki was an orange tabby . Rachel loved Kiki . Every time she went to Grandma 's she would help take care of Kiki . She wished she could have a cat just like Kiki . One day , her wish came true . " Rachel , " said Mommy and Daddy . " We 're so proud of you . You have been doing such a good job helping Grandma take care of Kiki . We thought that it 's time you got a cat of your own . " " Really ! " Rachel squealed excitedly jumping up and hugging each of her parents . " Thank you so much ! I can 't wait to get my own cat ! " The next day , they took Rachel to the shelter . There were all kinds of cats . There were big cats and little cats . There were black cats and white cats and gray cats . There were striped cats and plain cats . There were no orange tabby cats like Kiki though . Rachel frowned . Rachel nodded okay . She took a slow walk around the shelter . She stopped at every cage and studied every cat . Finally , she shook her head again . " No . " she insisted . " I don 't want any of these cats . " The next week they came back , and there were more cats . There were big cats and little cats . There were black cats and white cats and gray cats . There were striped cats and plain cats . Still there was no orange tabby cat . Once again , Rachel carefully looked at every cat in every cage . Once again , she rejected every one . " There are no cats here I want . " she said sadly . " Too black . Too white . Too big . " said Rachel . " I don 't want any of these cats . " she added pointing around the room to the various cats . " Can we come back next week . " Mommy and Daddy glanced at each other . They were not sure . They did not think Rachel was ever going to find a cat . They did not want to spend every weekend at the shelter . " Come sit down and talk to me . " said Grandma . She sat down on the porch swing and Rachel sat beside her . Rachel put Kiki down on her lap . The cat purred happily as Rachel petted her . " I am going to miss my little Kiki . " Grandma said kissing the cat . " She and I have been together a long time . I got her from the shelter when she was just a baby . " " Somebody found her in an abandoned house and brought her there . She was just a scared tiny little thing . They told me that nobody else wanted her because she was so scared and tiny . I knew she was the cat for me though . I knew as soon as I saw her . She needed me " Rachel looked at Kiki . Rachel had never seen Kiki scared or little . She couldn 't imagine Kiki that way . Kiki was certainly happy and healthy now . As if to prove the point , Kiki rubbed her head against Rachel 's arm begging to be petted more . Rachel thought about the cats she had seen in the shelter . Some of them were scared and tiny too . Maybe , one of them needed her like Kiki had needed Grandma . She knew what she had to do . " You keep Kiki , Grandma . " she said . Rachel nodded . " Kiki doesn 't need me . She has you . Those cats at the shelter don 't have anybody . They need me . I am going to go back to the shelter to get one of them . " The next week Rachel and Mommy and Daddy went back to the shelter . Rachel picked out a little white cat , the scaredest littlest cat of all . " I 'm going to call you , Snowflake . " she said to the little cat . " And I am going to take you home with me because you need me , and I need you too . " It had been a long day at the beach for the Brady family , Mommy , Daddy , ten year old Tim , eight year old Trina , and six year old Tammy . Everyone was tired . Mommy was tired . Daddy was tired . Tim was tired . Trina was tired . Only Tammy was not tired or so she said . Tammy walked along cheerfully smiling . She had had a really good day filled with building sandcastles , finding shells on the beach , and swimming in the ocean . She only regretted that it had come to an end . She wished they could stay at the beach forever . They finally reach the car , threw all their stuff in the trunk and piled in . Mom immediately fell asleep . Tim and Trina closed their eyes too . They were soon sleeping as well . " Why don 't you try sleeping too ? " Dad suggested to Tammy . " It 's been a long day , and it is going to be a long ride . " Daddy drove . Mommy , Tim and Trina slept . Tammy chatted . She talked about her day at the beach . She talked about school . She talked about her friends . She talked about everything under the sun . Then , suddenly , the chatter stopped and the car was silent . " Tammy ? Are you okay ? " Daddy asked again . He was worried . Tammy had stopped speaking in the middle of a sentence and that was so unlike her . He quickly glanced in his rear view mirror . There was Tammy fast asleep in the back seat in the middle of Tim and Trina . Ivy Wilcox was six years old , and she thought that was the perfect age to be . She was not too old and she was not to young . She decided that she would stay six for ever . Ivy sat down in front of the TV . She saw a commercial for a car . " That is a beautiful car ! " she said " I " m going to drive a car like that ! " she declared . " Oh , yeah . " said Ivy . She turned off the TV . She took out her best dolly and began playing with it . " Now , Annabelle , honey . " she said sweetly to her doll . " It 's time for you to go to bed . " She tucked her doll gently into her doll cradle . " You 're a good mommy to Annabelle . " Ivy 's Mom told her . " Some day you 'll be a really great mommy for real . Oh wait a minute ! I forgot . You 're not going to grow up so you are not going to be a mommy for real . " Ivy frowned . She put her doll stuff away . Just then , Daddy came in from work . " Hey , princess ! " he said lifting Ivy into the air and kissing her . " Well , that 's too bad . " said Daddy . " I would have liked taking her fishing . She would have had fun . " He went upstairs to change . Ivy lay down on the couch starring at the floor . Out of the corner of her eye , she saw Mommy 's big black leather pocketbook next to the table . Mommy 's purple flowered makeup bag was peeking out of it . Ivy excitedly sat up and picked up the makeup bag . " Can I put on makeup ? " she asked eagerly . " No , Ivy . " said Mommy . " We 've talked about this before . You 're too young . " " But , I 'm never going to be old enough ! " " I can 't do anything . " whined Ivy . " I can 't drive a car . I can 't have a baby . I can 't go fishing . I can 't wear makeup . " " There are a lot of things you can do . You can ride a bike . You can help take care of your baby cousin . You can go for a walk in the woods with Daddy . You can wear a braid in your hair . As for those other things , you can do them do when you get a little bit older . If you get older . Why don 't you want to get older , anyway ? " asked Mommy . She sat on the couch next to Ivy . " I don 't want to get new teachers . " admitted Ivy . " I don 't want to go to a new school . I don 't want to stop being your baby . " She crawled up on Mommy 's lap . Mommy went into the living room . Whitney 's legos were scattered on the floor . Her Princess DVD collection was spread out on the table . Her stuffed animals filled up the couch . There was no sign of Whitney . Kerry shook her head . " I 'll help you look . " she said . She looked out the window . Whitney 's bike was on the front porch . Her jump rope was under the tree . Her pails and shovels lay on the dirt by the rose bushs . There was no sign of Whitney . They went upstairs . Kerry went into her room . Whitney had definitely been there . Make - up was spilled on the desk . The smell of perfume filled the room . Kerry didn 't know whether to be anger about the mess or worried that there was still no sign of her little sister . In Mommy 's room , the covers and pillows were all off the bed and lay in the floor in a jumbled heap . Piles of books were on the floor in front of the closet . There was no sign of Whitney . By now . Mommy was getting worried . She didn 't know whether to call Whitney 's Dad or the police or both . She picked up the phone to dial . Just then , she heard the sound of Kerry 's voice calling from the other room . Mommy hurried to the sound of Kerry 's voice . She couldn 't imagine what had happened to Whitney . Her mind was filled with all these terrible things . She comforted herself with the thought that Kerry didn 't sound upset . Kerry was in Whitney 's room . Her room looked just as bad as the rest of the house . All the games were off the shelves and the pieces were here there and everywhere . Cut up pieces of paper overflowed the wastebasket and littered the floor . Art supplies were everywhere on the desk . " Look Mom . " whispered Kerry . She pointed to the bed . There was Whitney half under half on top of her rainbow colored covers fast asleep . She was sleeping so peacefully . She looked like such an angel . It was hard to believe someone who looked so sweet could leave such a trail of messes everywhere . " I never would have thought to look here . " said Mommy . " I guess she tired herself out . " Mommy tucked Whitney back completely under the covers . Whitney stirred , but didn 't wake up . Mommy kissed her on the cheek , and tiptoed out of the room . Kerry followed closely behind . Quinn Rutherford was so excited . She was going to have her first sleepover . She was going to spend the night at her friend , Emily Craig 's house . Every day , she asked her Mommy excitedly " Is today the day ? " Every day , Mommy shook her head . Every day , Quinn was disappointed . Finally the day arrived , Quinn helped Mommy pack her clothes and a few special toys in her pink princess overnight bag that Grandma had gotten her . As they packed , Quinn noticed , Mommy looked a little bit sad . " Don 't be sad , mommy . " she said . " I am going to come home again , you know . " " Oh , Mommy . " said Quinn . " I love you , but I will be having too much fun to miss you . " Quinn kissed Mommy just as Daddy came in and grabbed her bag to load it in the car . He would be driving her over to Emily 's . At Emily 's , Quinn barely stopped to kiss her father goodbye before she and Emily were off to have fun . For the first few hours , they were so busy having fun , Quinn barely had time to think let alone miss Mommy and Daddy or feel sad . They played games . They danced to CDs . They played with dolls . They watched TV . They just went from one thing to another without stopping . Finally , it was dinner time , they had Quinn 's favorite macaroni and cheese with little hot dogs . For dessert , there was another of Quinn 's favorite foods , chocolate ice cream . Afterwards , they took baths and put on their pajamas . Quinn wore red polka dot pajamas and Emily wore blue flowered ones . They brushed their hair and brushed their teeth . When they were all ready , they lay in the twin beds in Emily 's room . Emily 's Mommy read them a story . " Please one more . " they begged afterward so Emily 's Mommy read them one more . " Please one more . " they begged again after . This time , Emily 's Mommy said no . She turned out the light and left the room shutting the door behind her . Quinn lay in the dark bed in the dark room and got scared . " Emily . " she whispered softly . Emily was exhausted after their long day together and she had fallen asleep right away so she didn 't answer . " Emily ! " called Quinn a little bit louder . Finally , she sat up in bed and shouted . " Emily ! " Emily was a very heavy sleeper and didn 't even budge . However , Emily 's mother came running . Emily 's mother went and got a night light and plugged it in . " Goodnight , Quinn . Sweet dreams . " she said to Quinn as she left the room again and shut the door . Quinn didn 't like to sleep with the door shut . She lay in bed and tried to sleep anyway , but it was no use . " Emily . " she whispered softly . Emily continued snoring in her bed . " Emily ! " Quinn said a little bit louder . Still , Emily slept . Finally , Quinn sat up in bed and shouted " Emily ! " Once again , Emily did not budge . Once again , Emily 's mother came running . Quinn lay in bed with the night light on and the door open . It was just like being at her house except it wasn 't . She realized it hadn 't been the light or the door that had been the problem after all . She missed her own bed . She missed her own house . Most of all , she missed her Mommy and Daddy . " Emily . " she whispered yet again . Emily continued sleeping peacefully in the other bed . " Emily ! " she called a little bit louder . Emily still didn 't budge . Finally , she said up and shouted " Emily ! " Once again , Emily still didn 't move , but Quinn started to cry just as Emily 's mother entered the room . Quinn bobbed her head up and down . Yes ! Yes Yes ! She did want to speak to Mommy and Daddy then maybe she would feel better . However , after she spoke to them , she didn 't feel better so Daddy came to pick her up . In the car on the way home , Quinn said to Daddy disappointedly . " I guess . I 'm not ready for a sleepover after all . " Quinn thought about her own cozy house . She thought about her own soft bed . She thought about her Mommy and Daddy sleeping in the room right next door . She didn 't think she would ever want to spend a night away from them . " Maybe in another ten or twenty years . I 'll try again . " she said . Laura Wells was sweet and lovable from the moment she was born . She was polite . She always listened . She never whined or carried on . She never gave her mother or father a bit of trouble . They were so proud and happy to have her for a daughter . Other parents were jealous of them for having such a good well behaved daughter . When Laura turned two and then three she was still as sweet and lovable as ever . There were no terrible twos . There were no horrible threes . Laura 's parents were so proud . " We love you Laura . " They said . " You are such a good girl . " Laura 's parents thought . " Our Laura is so sweet . We would love to have another child just like her . " So Laura turned four , and her world completely changed . She no longer had Mommy and Daddy all to herself . She had a baby sister named Janey . Laura loved her sister , but she didn 't like being a sister . She wanted to have Mommy and Daddy all to herself again . Good and sweet Laura gradually disappeared . Unhappy and uncooperative Laura appeared in her place . Laura was never polite . She didn 't listen . She whined and carried on all the time . Nobody was jealous of Mommy and Daddy for having a daughter like Laura anymore . " At least our daughter is not like that Laura Wells . " " They said in relief . Laura 's parents thought ' She 'll grow out of it . ' They thought she was just getting used to having a new baby around . They were wrong . As she got older , Laura got worse . Laura turned five and then six and then seven . She threw tantrums . She carried on . " Shouldn 't she be growing out of this by now ? " her mother asked her father . Her father shook his head . He just didn 't know . One day , Mommy , Laura and Janey were in the store . Laura was having a particularly bad day . She was carrying on about something . Mommy couldn 't remember what . All Mommy knew is that it was giving Mommy a headache and making Janey cry . " Laura , please stop . " begged Mommy . " Your upsetting Janey . " Mommy scooped Janey up out of the cart . Janey put her arms around Mommy and instantly stopped crying . Laura actually stopped for a minute . She looked at Mommy with a look of complete sadness . " I knew it . " she mumbled under her breath . " What ? Of course , I don 't ! " replied Mommy in surprise and a little bit of anger . How could Laura even think that ? " I love you both the same . " she replied . She hugged Laura tightly . Mommy knelt down beside her . " Now , you listen to me Laura Wells . " she said . " There is no good Laura . There is no bad Laura . There is only you . You choose whether to be good or bad . I may not always like your choices , and I may not always like your behavior , but I always love you . " After that , Laura still wasn 't always good and she wasn 't always sweet , but she tried . She tried to be polite . She tried to listen . She tried not to whine and carry on . She didn 't always succeed , but she tried . Sometimes other people were jealous and wanted their children to be just like her and sometimes , they were relieved that their children were not like her . Sometimes , Mommy and Dad were proud of her , and sometimes they weren 't , but no matter what she was always their child , and they always loved her . Cammie Crawford could do a lot of things . She could write her name . She could count to 100 . She could run and jump and skip and hop . She didn 't think there was anything that she couldn 't do . She certainly didn 't think there was anything that her big sister , Stacy and her big brother Hank could do that she couldn 't do . After all , she was not a baby like her little sister , Missy . When she saw her brother , Hank carrying the trash out to the curb . She hurried over to help him . " Thanks , Cammie , but I - - " he started to say " I can do it . " interrupted Cammie . She grabbed one of the large black garbage bags out of his hand and dropped it on the ground . The contents of the bag spread quickly all over the lawn . " Cammie ! " he yelled at her . " Could you please go away , and let me do it ? " he knelt down and started picking up the garbage and putting it back in the bag as Cammie sadly scrambled away . Stacy was in the house watching Missy . " Boy , do you need a change . " she said smelling a bad odor coming from the direction of the baby . " I can do it . " insisted Cammie . She swooped Missy up in her arms , settled her on the ground in front of herself and proceeded to put a diaper on the baby . No sooner had she finished diapering Missy when the baby crawled away . As she crawled her diaper promptly slipped off . Stacy scooped her up to rediaper her as Cammie sadly snuck out of the room . " What 's that ? " asked Mommy entering the room . She saw Cammie sitting at the table and looking sad and sat down beside her . " What 's wrong ? " she asked . " Oh , mommy ! " sighed Cammie throwing herself into her mother 's comforting arms . " I can 't do anything ! I can 't take out the garbage ! I can 't diaper Missy ! I can 't do anything that Hank or Stacy does ! " " Well , honey , " replied her Mother . " Hank and Stacy are older than you . You can do a lot of things but you can 't necessarily do everything that they do . Just like Missy can 't do everything you can do . Some day , you 'll be bigger though and you 'll be able to do the things they do now . " Cammie instantly brightened . She wasn 't happy that she would be able to do what Hank and Stacy did when she got older . Hank and Stacy would always be older than her , and they would always be able to do things she couldn 't do . However , she was thrilled that Missy would always be younger and she would always be able to do things Missy couldn 't do . Just at that moment , Missy crawled over to Cammie . Cammie scooped her up in her arms and kissed her on the head . " Don 't worry , Missy . " she said to her little sister . " Someday , you 'll be big like me , and you can do the things I do . " Clarissa Dowd could do many things . She could make her bed . She could tie her shoes . She could set the table . The only problem was she didn 't want to do any of them . As she left , Victoria entered the room . " Seriously , Mom , " she said angrily banging plates around as she began setting the table in Clarissa 's place . " You have to do something about her . " she said pointing to Clarissa in the other room . " It 's getting to the point where she refuses to do anything . " The next day was Saturday . In the morning , Clarissa came downstairs in her pajamas and fluffy slippers . She sat down sleepily at the kitchen table . It was strange that Mommy wasn 't in the kitchen already cooking . Clarissa didn 't smell any food cooking either which was really weird . " Mommy ! " cried Clarissa excitedly . She was getting really hungry . " What are we having for breakfast ? I don 't smell any food cooking . Are we going out to eat ? " " No . " replied her mother . " We are not going out to eat . " Clarissa expected Mommy to start cooking breakfast but she just made herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table with the newspaper . " I 'm sorry , sweetie . I can 't . " said Mommy . She took her newspaper and her coffee and left the room as Daddy entered . Mommy took Clarissa on her lap . " Sometimes , you just have to help yourself . " she replied gently . " What if I decided I was never going make breakfast again or lunch or dinner or any meal ? " " If you want me to make breakfast and lunch and dinner and do the things I need to do . Then , you are going to have to do things you need to do . " explained Mommy . " Do you understand ? " she asked . Nobody messed with Molly McKay She was as tough as a well - done steak . The kids were all afraid of her . They ran away when they saw her coming . Molly was proud to be so tough , but she didn 't have any friends . Still , she was proud and happy until the day she was neither proud nor happy any more . It all started one day when Molly came to play at the playground . As she walked over to the swings , she saw a couple of girls from her class , Elizabeth Judd and Sarah Barrett . Sarah and Elizabeth were laughing , talking , and just generally seemed to be having a really good time . Molly smiled and approached them . She wanted to have a good time too . As Molly approached , Sarah looked up and her eyes met Molly 's . Sarah instantly stopped laughing and having a good time and froze . She looked at Molly with a look of horror . Then , she poked Elizabeth . Elizabeth looked up to yell at Sarah for interrupting her when she was talking . Instead , she also locked eyes with Molly . Elizabeth instantly stopped talking right in the middle of sentence . The two girls slid off the swings and quickly scampered away like little mice . Both Elizabeth and Sarah had good reason to be afraid of Molly . Many times Molly had pushed them down on the playground at school . Many times Molly had knocked their books out of their arms . Many times , Molly had pushed their papers off their desks . " Elizabeth ! Sarah ! Come back now ! " Molly demanded in her meanest voice . All that followed was the sound of the ground scrunching underfoot as the two girls hurried further away . Molly looked to where the sound seemed to be coming from , but she did not see a sign of Elizabeth or Sarah . " Elizabeth ! Sarah ! " she called a little bit less meanly . This time she didn 't hear or see anything . She looked in a circle all around her , but she did not see a sign of either girl . " Elizabeth ! Sarah ! " she called a third time . By now , she was sounding desperate instead of mean . " Please come out ! I just want to play with you . " Tears began to fall silently down her checks but she quickly brushed them away . She had a reputation to maintain . It was too late , Elizabeth and Sarah had already seen her cry . Elizabeth stepped out from behind some trees . " Be careful , Elizabeth . " called a voice behind her . " It could be a trick . Maybe , she is just trying to lure us out so she can beat us up . " Elizabeth ignored Sarah 's warning and approached Molly . She walked right up to Molly and then , lost her courage a little bit and took a step back . " I want to be your friend . " replied Molly . " I want to talk with you . I want to laugh with you . I want to have fun like you have fun . " " Our friend ? " replied Sarah in surprise stepping out from the trees to join Molly and Elizabeth . " How could you be our friend ? You 're mean . You push us down and knock our books out of our hands and push our papers off our desks ! Everyone is afraid of you . " Suddenly , Molly didn 't care about being tough at all . If being tough meant not having any friends and not having any fun , then Molly didn 't want to be that way any more . " Please ! " she said to the girls . " Please I want to be your friend . " They played together all afternoon . The swung on the swings . They slid down the slide . They dug in the sand . More importantly they talked and laughed and just generally had a good time , and Molly wasn 't mean at all . At the end of the day , Molly said . " Thank you , Elizabeth . Thank you Sarah . I had a really good time today . " " Sure , as long as you are not mean to us , we would love to be your friend . " said Elizabeth and Sarah nodded in agreement . Molly absolutely beamed with pleasure . She had a friend now . She had a real honest to goodness friend . In fact , she had two of them . Amanda Bryson loved preschool . She was crazy about kindergarten . She did not at all want to go to first grade . " Do I have to go to first grade ? " she asked her Dad . Over all , Amanda didn 't feel better though . Mommy found her a little while later lying on the couch chewing on her favorite stuffed bear 's ear . " Amanda , you 'll hurt Wally . " teased Mom gently taking the brown fluffy stuffed bear out of Amanda 's mouth and picking it up . Despite her lighthearted tone , she was worried about her daughter . Amanda hadn 't chewed on her toys since she was 2 or 3 . " Don 't worry . " Her father assured her mother when she worriedly told him about Amanda chewing on her toys again . " She 's just nervous about first grade . " Her father knew just what to do . " Amanda , " he told her as he held her in his lap . " Your worried about first grade , aren 't you ? " Amanda nodded and hugged him tightly . " Don 't worry . " he said . " You are going to love first grade . " " I 'm sure you will like first grade . Besides , if you don 't like it , you won 't have to go back . " he added . A few days later , Mommy put Amanda on the big yellow school bus in the morning . Amanda felt nervous again . She was too nervous to even be excited about wearing her new blue and white striped dress and her new blue shoes and carrying her new Doc McStuffins backpack . On the bus , she kept telling herself . ' If I don 't like it , I don 't have to back . If I don 't like it , I don 't have to go back . ' That afternoon , Mommy waited eagerly for Amanda at the bus stop after school . Amanda was the first one off the bus . She jumped happily into her Mother 's waiting arms . " Oh , Mommy . " she said excitedly . " First grade is the best year ever ! I made friends ! I love my teacher , Mrs . West , and we made a cool art project ! " " I 'm so glad you had a good time , sweetheart . " said Mommy . " I knew you would . " However , even though Mommy knew Amanda would have a good time in first grade , she didn 't know she would love it so much right away . " What would you have done if she came back to you and said she wanted to stop going to first grade because you said she didn 't have to go if she didn 't like it ? " she asked Amanda 's father . Catelyn Pierce loved her name . She thought Catelyn was the most beautiful name in the world . She never got tired of hearing it . The only problem was she hardly ever did . Hardly anybody ever called her Catelyn . Her father called her Catie . As in , " Hello , Catie , did you have a nice day ? " as he called out to Catelyn every day as he walked in the house after work . " My name is Catelyn ! " Catelyn would state . Her brother , Chris called her , Lynnie . As in , " Hey , Lynnie , what 's up ? " " My name is Catelyn ! " Catelyn would yell . Finally , Catelyn had had enough . That night , she stood up at the dinner table . " My name is Catelyn ! " she yelled . " My name is not Cay ! My name is not Catie ! My name is not Lynn ! My name is not Lynnie ! My name is especially not Caroline ! My name is Catelyn ! " Her family said in stunned silence . " Well , okay . " her father replied finally . " If you feel that strongly about it , we 'll call you Catelyn from now on . " Her mother nodded in agreement . " Sure , we will . " she agreed . She gave a look to Caroline and Chris and they nodded in agreement as well . Her grandfather nodded to although he had no idea what they were talking about . From that day on everyone in the family called her Catelyn . Not Cay . Not Catie . Not Lynn . Not Lynnie . Just Catelyn . Everyone called her Catelyn except for her grandfather who continued to call her Caroline or Chris or whatever name came to his mind at the time . Julie Jones loved her name . She thought it was the most beautiful name in the world . But that didn 't matter because nobody called her Julie . Everybody thought it was just a nickname . " Juliet come say hello to the class . " exclaimed her teacher . " Julianna come help me find the cat . " demanded Uncle Fred . " It 's just Julie . " Julie explained a little louder but with an inside voice . " Then why am I the only one that uses it ? " complained Julie . " Julie why didn 't you just tell me you wanted to be called Julie ? " cooed Mrs . Jones , as she stroked her daughter 's hair . After that people usually called her Julie and if not , she didn 't mind as much because she loved her name and Mrs . Jones loved her name . And that was all that matters . Posted by Bella Collins was a little girl who lived with her Nanny and Papa . One day Bella was playing in the garden , when she heard a faint noise coming from the bushes . Bella went over to see what the noise was and she found a baby bird . Bella took the baby bird in the house to show to Nanny . Nanny was a vet . She told Bella the baby bird probably fell out of it 's nest . Bella went to show Papa . Papa was also a vet . He told Bella the bird broke it 's wing . Bella found an empty shoe box , and laid out a blanket made for a doll in the box . Then she put in some grass and twigs , and last she put in birdseed . Then she cuddled the bird and put it in the box . Bella kept the bird for a month , then she took the bird in her hands outside . The bird didn 't budge . Bella brought the bird back inside and told Nanny . Nanny said Bella could keep it for a pet . Papa told her it was a she . Papa said that the bird was loyal because she did not leave . She stayed with Bella . So Bella named the bird Loyal . Because Loyal was Bella 's loyal companion . And Bella kept her for a very long time Hannah Jordan was a very helpful girl . She liked to help her mother . She liked to help her father . She liked to help her Grandma . She liked to help everyone , but only when she wanted to help . That was the problem . When her mother was trying to organize and file a stack of papers . There was Hannah . " Where does this go , mommy ? " she asked shoving a piece of paper under her mother 's nose . " How about this one ? " she asked waving another one in her mother 's face . She really wasn 't helping at all . Her constant interruptions , just distracted her mother so her mother couldn 't get anything done . Hannah didn 't really want to leave . She wanted to help . Mommy insisted so finally Hannah agreed to leave her alone . " If you 're sure you don 't need me . " she said to Mommy creeping slowly out of the room in case Mommy changed her mind and needed Hannah after all . " I 'll be fine really . " Mommy assured her as she turned her attention back to her stack of papers . Yet when they walked in the door and Mommy 's arms were filled with packages , Hannah disappeared up the stairs the moment , they walked in the door . " Hannah ! Hannah ! " called Mommy trying to carry all the packages into the kitchen and put them on the table without dropping them . " Hannah , please come and help me ! " Still Hannah was no where to be found . The phone started ringing and half the packages dropped to the floor before the loud crash finally brought Hannah back to the kitchen to help . When Daddy was working with tools , Hannah was there to help . " What does this tool do ? " she asked pointing to a tool . " What does that one do ? " she asked picking up another and swinging it in the air . " I know honey bun . " Daddy said much more sweetly . " But I 've gotten this covered . Why don 't you go see what Mommy is doing . " Yet , when Daddy was cleaning out the garage and he needed Hannah to help by putting away her outside toys , she was no where around . " Hannah ! Hannah ! " he called , but Hannah didn 't answer . Hannah was too busy playing . When she went to Grandma 's house , and Grandma was trying to cook breakfast , there was Hannah eager to help . " Can I crack an egg ? " she asked excitedly grabbing one and starting to squeeze it . Grandma quickly pried it out of her hand before she squashed it all over the counter . " I 'll make the toast then . " said Hannah . She took a hand full of bread and proceeded to drop it all over the floor . Yet , when Grandma was doing the laundry and she needed Hannah to help her pick up the clothes that had fallen on the floor , Hannah was not there . " Hannah , Hannah ! " called Grandma clutching her aching back . " Please come and help , Grandma . " Hannah was so busy watching TV that she didn 't even hear Grandma calling . " Oh , Daddy . " replied Hannah lifting her tear stained face off the pillow . " Why can 't I help ? Nobody ever lets me help . " She threw herself into Daddy 's arms . Daddy hugged her tightly . " Oh , honey bun . " he said gently . " Helping is not about helping when you want to help . Helping is about helping when somebody needs help . " Sabrina Speller was a nine year old girl . She was so smart that she was in a world record book . She had tons of friends . Every girl or boy she knew had asked her for help sometime or another . Dolly Dover was also a nine year old girl . She wore dark blue glasses . She was not very smart . She never got anything higher than a D , in school . She only had one friend . That friend was Sabrina . Actually they were best friends . They had known each other since they 're mothers met in the hospital when their daughters were born . " Hello . " replied Sabrina . Then they walked to the bus stop together . That day in school there was a big test called the NJ ASK . Sabrina 's desk was right next to Dolly 's . Dolly hated huge tests . She knew she hadn 't done good in school and she would repeat the year if she did bad . ' Sabrina 's the smartest person I 've ever met in all nine years of my life . If I just copy her test I 'll ace it and pass . No that 's wrong . But then again , I can 't fail this test . Sabrina won 't know . Besides she wants to be in my class . So I can 't fall behind . ' Dolly thought . Meanwhile , Sabrina was focusing on her test making sure she did good . Everyone envied her smartness , but she wasn 't perfect . She struggled sometimes just like everyone else . She just thought carefully about every possibility . And she studied an hour every day . Sabrina knew that Dolly was going to do super on her test . But Dolly didn 't . Dolly failed . While Sabrina was working on a story for the test , Dolly was looking at Sabrina 's paper ! She had gone through with cheating . But Dolly wasn 't wearing her glasses . When she tried to see she could only make out some of the words . When Mrs . Alzheimer was looking over her students shoulder 's at their papers she noticed Dolly 's story didn 't make sense . But the words seemed like Sabrina 's . " Sabrina , Dolly please come out in the hall with me for a minute . " Mrs . Alzheimer whispered just loud enough for the two of them to hear . Sabrina shot Dolly a confused expression . Dolly blushed . " Fine you know I hate to do this , but if know one 's going to talk I 'm throwing away both your tests and you 'll both get zeroes ! " Mrs . Alzheimer whisper yelled . Sabrina had never been in trouble before in her life , and Mrs . Alzheimer was so nice . Well , Dolly was torn she couldn 't repeat the year , but she couldn 't stand to see her best friend so upset . Sabrina had gotten A + 's her whole life . " I cheated so I wouldn 't have to repeat the year . " Dolly blurted . She blushed even harder . Sabrina looked shocked and angry . " I should have known . Sabrina I 'm sorry I ever doubted you . Go back to your test , ten extra minutes . " Mrs . Alzheimer exclaimed . I hope your happy because now your immediately repeating the year and staying after school to do the test over . " |
I met Donna this afternoon for tea at the local borders music and book store . It was fun . We were there for about 2 hours before we both started getting a bit tired and had to leave . It is nice to see her out of the house and out and about . She had spine surgery last spring and has been recovering ever since . She is doing pretty amazingly well . I hope it continues for her . Today is Halloween . I am just not into Halloween . I don 't particularly like this holiday . It isn 't like it was when we were small . I don 't do scary very well . I get nightmares pretty easy and so I tend to shy away from scary stuff . Normally I would have bought candy this week and Mom would pass it out but this year I am hiding in the house , maybe taking a nap as I am so tired today . I slept in too but I feel like I could go to sleep some more right now . Maybe I will go and take a nap . Hm , I think I will . More later . I am back . I went and took a nap , I just couldn 't stay awake anymore . It is now trick or treating time and I am in the dining room with only the kitchen light on . Kind of weird being in the dark , but I don 't want to turn lights on and have people think I am home or passing out candy . Kids are definitely out . I hope no one comes to my door because I won 't answer it . Maybe I should have bought some candy , but I really don 't like Halloween , that was Mom 's holiday . Thanksgiving will be next . I am unsure on whether or not I will cook a dinner or go to someone 's house for it . I will wait and see how it goes . Kathy thinks I can go to her parents , she is checking for me . With Richard and I being the only family in USA , all our relatives already had their Thanksgiving earlier this month . I have been on my own now for 2 days without someone staying the night . Make that 3 days because Friday night I was alone too . I think I am doing alright , not great , but okay . Maia will be here briefly tomorrow and Tillie will be here on Tuesday . The garage looks good and mostly empty . My room is partly organized , not completely yet . I have to find a box for some of the original teaching CDs . I have a big container for most of them , but not all the new ones fit in it so I need another . Maybe Tuesday I will go and get one . I have to work on Calli 's Christmas music . I almost forgot all about that . Her lesson is tomorrow and I need to arrange her Christmas piano piece because it is too hard , and make an accompaniment to her vocal piece . Glad I thought of that now and not tomorrow . I should have been doing this on Tuesday last week when I was home . I am going to hang a blanket at the downstairs hallway . I have to get some tacks so that I can hang it . I am going to block off the downstairs so the heat stays more upstairs than downstairs . Also , I don 't use the family room right now , so I am not going to heat it . It will help on the heating bill this winter . Next week I am going to look at the state of my finances so I will know how long I can stay in the house without a job . I am hoping to have a job by Christmas so that I won 't have to worry about finances . I will be calling my social worker tomorrow and I have to find my ticket to work info from disability . Each may have a program that will help me . It is very scary not knowing what is going to happen and I have never been in this position before , so I am a bit scared of it . I do know that something will work out and I won 't be homeless or starving . I don 't know what there is out there for disabled people as far as housing issues are and stuff like that but that is my job this week is to figure it out . I will , I have people who will be helping me . I need to also call Richard 's friend , Dave , because he may be able to help me out to . I will take what help I can get at this point because I am in uncharted waters so to speak . Well , try to have a good Halloween . I am having a better day . I hope the weather man is wrong and the white stuff stays away for a bit longer . I think it is time to pull out the old winter jacket . Ugh , that time of year again ! So , stay warm and Happy Halloween ! Today was the day we buried Mom 's ashes in the cemetery in Chatham , Ontario , Canada . Most of my cousins and my 2 uncles were there . Andrew was there too . Tillie had brought the ashes over Thursday thinking I would spend the night last night and then leave from there . Well , I ended up staying home and leaving from here . I am very tired today as I got up at 7 am and we all know how that is just the middle of the night to me . I am a 10 to 12 get up girl . It was a quick service . Andrew and Tillie spoke , I couldn 't . I was just too upset . It seems like I have said goodbye to Mom for so long now . I can 't believe it is over . Our house is so quiet . She wasn 't very noisy but she was here . I could feel her in the house . Now I don 't feel her in our house anymore . I did the week she was in the hospital , but I don 't know . Sometimes I am lonely , sometimes I am not . I have never really felt lonely before except for the few times as a teenager as many teenagers do . It is weird to me to think I can go to sleep anytime I want and that I can get up at anytime that I want . I have much work planned for the week . Monday , I have either 7 or 4 lessons depending on the Muglia schedule . Because it is the 1st , sometimes we wait until the 8th . Whatever works for them , works for me . Tuesday , I am meeting with Mom 's lawyer to go over the trust . Wednesday , I am going to Job Works and see what is available for me as far as programs go , being disabled , there might be something for me . I also have a lesson on Tuesday . Thursday is my tummy doctor 's appointment check up . I go every 3 months to make sure the medicine is working well . Friday , I have nothing concrete planned . Saturday , I hope to have a lesson and perhaps Sunday too . I don 't have any concrete plans for tomorrow except for hiding during trick or treat time . Mom was big on passing out candy and I am just not up for it this year . If Mom were here , then we would , but since she is gone , I am going to hide . I am going to dinner with the Emertons . I have to remember to bring the pictures . Lily and Emily will giggle a lot at them . I did . I can 't believe how big my hair got . Oh well , it was the style . I hope this finds you doing well . Overall , I would say I am doing better than last week and definitely better than yesterday . I still miss Mom a lot , and I expect I will for a while . She was such a big part of my life . I know that she would be so disappointed in me if I just shrivel up and hide from the world . She wanted me to have a good life and I will , just will take some time to get that way . I want to thank all my bloggy friends for the support you have given me the last few difficult weeks . I have never lost anyone so close to me before and I am glad I have friends who support and care about me . It makes everything so much easier . I really appreciate all the comments I have gotten . Thank you ! I am missing Mom a lot right now . Tomorrow we have to go and bury her ashes in Canada . I want my mom back right now . I don 't want to bury her , I want her with me . I am not feeling very strong right now . I went to Kalamazoo for a few days to see Kathy and her family . It was a lot of fun . Tomorrow is the service at the cemetery where Mom 's ashes are going to be buried . I am not looking forward to that . I am tired and kind of cranky right now . When I left , Tillie and Maia were still here and they turned off the heat , which is fine , but they forgot to turn it back on ! Oh my ! It is like so cold in here right now . I turned it back on that is for sure . Thank goodness it didn 't get too cold at night or I would have been in big trouble . I am glad I came home instead of going straight to Windsor as it is supposed to get super cold tonight . I know I get colder than everyone else , that is for sure but heat must be turned back on . I bought me 2 hoodies in Kalamazoo . I have a cute blue one and a cute gray one , they aren 't pink like I wanted , but I will be just fine with these . I have other hoodies , but the problem is they belong to other outfits and well , they have to be worn with those outfits or eventually one part of the outfit will fade before the other and I don 't want that to happen . They are quite cute outfits and I love them . Kathy 's youngest son , Jacob , turned 9 on Wednesday so I got to be there for the birthday dinner and cake and ice cream ! How cool was that ? I was pretty excited about that . I saw the twins put their Halloween costumes on in time for the preschool party . Alicia was Ariel and Samantha was Belle . Both girls looked really adorable . I will be changing the picture on my phone to them so when their Mom calls , the picture will pop up . I haven 't heard anything more about the 2 new potential students . The one lady who called said she was going to call about 6 other people and then let me know . That can take a few days . The email , I haven 't heard back from either , so I am still hopeful about that . Well , that is about it for the day . My head is sore because of the long drive by myself . I definitely prefer driving with someone else in the car . Not fun driving by oneself . Not fun at all . I tried not to remember the last time I drove out that way was when Mom and I went to Kalamazoo this summer to see Kathy and family . We had such a good time and Mom did so good during that whole trip . She slept nicely in the hotel , she was chatting away , and then playing with the girls . It was just fun . I try not to think about her all the time but it is so hard right now . She is always with me . I miss her so much , and tomorrow will be difficult but somehow I will muddle through and then come home and rest . I am so tired today too , just completely exhausted . I was supposed to go and spend the night in Windsor , but I am so exhausted , I think I am turning in extremely early and then get up super early . I will be in Windsor by 8 am to leave for the cemetery . I think that is what I am going to do . I have to get my stuff out of the car now . I hope this finds you having a good day . Today I was reading one of the blogs I read , and it hit me . I have to let this money situation go and let God take care of it . That is what I believe , so now is the time to act upon it . I am praying . I know somehow the financial situation will work out and I will be living where I am supposed to be . Today , I am more hopeful . Mom is also watching out for me . I know she is . It is a bit easier right now for me . Earlier in the doctor office it was hard because it was the first time since Mom died that I had been in there and the nurses all wanted to let me know how sorry they were . I was thankful . So many people have been so kind to me . I miss her all the time . How could I not ? She was my whole life for the last few years , and before that she came with me to my store everyday . Yup , everyday , the little Mom would get up and get ready to go to work with me . It was awesome . Some days she would help a bit , but others she would sit and talk to the students or the customers or just do her puzzle books . Everyone loved her especially the little ones . She was very friendly to everyone . She grieved with me when the economy took my beloved store . But once again , God provides . He showed me a way to pay our bills . He showed me He wanted me to take care of Mom . We may have been late on some bills , but not very often . He provided . I can see that now . Now I need to trust Him again . Many relatives will be at the burial on Saturday . I hope to see them again afterward . With the family so scattered , as many families are , it is important to get together . The last time I saw all of them , before this past weekend , was Momma 's party in March . It was nice to see so many of them there . Then we had the friend party , wow , so many of our friends and neighbors came to that too . I am truly blessed to have the family and friends that I have . I have been feeling much better this afternoon . Mom is still with me . I won 't ever forget her , but she wanted me to go on even if she wasn 't here . That was her wish . She told me so years ago when she first became ill . She wanted me to be strong . Well , I will be , because she will always be in my heart . I received an email today from a woman who wants voice lessons and wanted to know if I taught adults . Well , I do . Then , I received a phone call from a woman who wants piano lessons ! Talk about God 's timing ! I do hope that I will soon have 2 more students . I will also be looking for a job , but hey , if I get enough students , then that is the job . It is raining and windy today here . It down poured for a while this afternoon . We are under a tornado watch in our area until about 6 pm . I do hope it passes over us and no one gets hurt . So far , tears are under control today . It is definitely a better day than yesterday . I hope your day is good too . I am doing okay today . I did almost break down a couple of times , but one was when someone called and asked to talk to Mom and the other was buying the thank you notes for the visitation and the funeral . It is very strange to do errands without the little Momma with me . I mean , up until summer , I took her everywhere with me . She was always with me and has been for about 5 years so you can see why it is so strange for me . I took the Deed to the house to the Registry of Deeds to change over the house from Mom to her trust . I paid for the funeral and the meat for the church luncheon . One more activity for us and then Mom will be resting in peace . I have to pick up her ashes tomorrow . That will seem very weird too because she will be in a small box . I am glad I have company because it is creepy to have someone 's ashes in the house I think . I will be taking them across the border on Friday when I head to Tillie 's for the night . I am spending the night because I don 't know how early I have to get up to get there on Saturday . You never know with the border . It could be a breeze or it could be an hour . One just never knows . Pain wise , I am doing okay . My hips don 't hurt so much at night anymore since I am not pulling Mom across the dining room and kitchen to the back bathroom nor am I struggling to get her upstairs . I sleep a bit better when someone is in the house with me than I do when I am alone . I know I will get used to it , but right now I am not . Rare has been the time I have been alone at night in the house . When I am by myself I leave the kitchen light on because it comforts me . I don 't feel so alone with the light on . I have a night light in the bathroom now , I will see if that will be enough light for me when I am alone . I have 4 lessons today , 2 for Calli , then Acer and Bob . I am glad . It gives me something to look forward to and something to do with my time . I contacted a friend of mine who 's place of work has some openings . I will find out about hopefully tonight or sometime this week . My friend , Donna , has assured me that the pain of losing Mom will get easier . I sure hope so because right now it hurts a lot , more than my fibro pain . I feel tears all the time just below the surface . I can 't get a job and be a wreck so I am hoping by next week or so I am a little better . I just can 't believe this happened now . Deep down I have known all summer she was dying , but still , I thought I could be better prepared for the actuality of it . I now know , I can 't , no one can . Even when it is expected , it still hurts so much . I am thankful for the time we had together , even with the Alzheimer 's . I got to take care of her and I didn 't have to miss spending time with her like my brothers did . They missed out on a lot of stuff . I was with her all day , everyday . Like I said , she came everywhere with me . She liked going out with me . She loved going to lessons with me . She loved music and sewing . Listening to the students , no matter the level , made her smile and gave her enjoyment . She loved going to the movies with me . I loved having her with me , all the time , most of the time . She would help me at competitions and at recitals with holding stuff for me or getting something ready for me so I could focus on the kids . That was just Mom . She had come to competition with me for 20 years of my students competing . She simply loved going and I loved having her because she was so helpful and my companion . I hope you are having a good day . It is beautiful out . A nice , lovely October day . We all know what I wish , but I am hoping Mom is smiling down from Heaven enjoying the weather with me . The funeral for Mom was yesterday . The minister did a really nice job although she only just met Mom . She would have liked Mom had she been able to get to know her . The luncheon was really nice too . There were a lot of people there . I was thankful . The opening music was the Canadian National Anthem and as they brought Mom 's casket down , I lost it . It was so moving to me . I composed myself and did better after that . I even managed to sing ( with Katie ) pretty well so I was pleased I got through that nicely . I think Mom would have liked it a lot . She would have not been happy about being the center of attention , but she would have liked the song I sang . I sang " You Raise Me Up " , the Celtic Woman version . I dropped Richard off today so he could go for another week of work . I don 't know how he is handling this because he keeps things to himself . I was glad to finally see him after more than 2 years of not being able to see him . He just called . He arrived safely and is heading to the hotel to get ready for tomorrow 's day of work . I miss him already but not as much as mom . It is very strange and quiet in the house . Tillie is coming back over tonight to stay for a few days . I am glad . I don 't want to be alone right now . In a week or so it will be okay , but right now I cry at the drop of a hat it seems . The quiet is so loud to me . I look out the window and I hope that Mom is enjoying herself in Heaven . I miss her so much . I miss the woman she was and the woman she became with Alzheimer 's . It is very weird not having her to take care of . I can go where I want , when I want . Yet , I would give almost anything to have her back . I know it is impossible , but I want her back right her where she belongs , with me . We were a team , that 's what I used to tell her . She would smile at that . I supposed I should be thankful she never got totally into stage 7 . She never lost her smile or her communication skills totally , but I am not , because she is gone . I feel her around me and sometimes I talk to her . I tell her I will be okay , even though the tears are right below the surface . I cry very easy today . I hope that eventually goes away because you can 't go through life with tears all the time . I am going to be working on my list of things to do . I have so much that has to be done . First thing tomorrow I have some errands to run . I have 4 lessons tomorrow that I am so grateful that I have . I love teaching , it gives me such joy . Mom enjoyed listening to the lessons too . I will miss that . There is so much that I will miss . Still , I have so many memories to think of that will eventually make me smile . I hope you had a good weekend . It has been tough for me , but I did get through it , maybe not with flying colors , but I think Mom would have been happy with how well things went and how many people came to see her . Today is the viewing from 2 to 9 . I am kind of nervous about it because we don 't know how many people will be coming . I know some are , but I don 't know how many or mostly who . I only know about a few of them . I hope Mom looks okay , I know they can 't add extra pounds on her but I hope she looks okay . I am picking up Richard in a few minutes . I am going to leave a bit early so I can get some food along the way and make sure I am not late . He arrives at 11 : 35 . I am very excited to see him . I haven 't physically seen him in 2 years . I am bringing a book with me to read so I won 't be bored waiting for him . Well , I will be , but not as much with a book in hand . Then we will head straight home and then to the viewing . It will be a long day for me . I have a bit of a headache right now which is probably not the best way to start the day . It hurts more than the usual headache . I will be taking medicine for it right before I leave . Mom will have an open casket . Yes , I know , some family members wanted it closed , but I want it open so it will be . Everything is mostly my choice for Mom . I picked out everything for her . I planned everything for her tomorrow too . It was a few of the last things I could do for her . Today will be another quiet day . I don 't have much to do today because everything happens tomorrow . Tomorrow morning I go and pick up Richard then we race back to be back in time for the showing . Then , of course , Saturday is the funeral at church . They called today to ask if the menu was okay . I said yes , it was fine , because 1 - it was fine and 2 - I don 't really care about food right now . Richard wants to talk to me on the way to the viewing . Works for me as I haven 't really talked to much to him in the last few months . We have both been so busy , me with Mom and he with his family . We do need to talk about my future . It is looking a bit bleak after a few months , but I am not thinking about that right now . I will deal with all that next week . Maia is working on copying the slideshow she made of Mom onto DVDs right now . Tillie is in the shower . One of them is picking up Danielle tomorrow for the viewing and then Danielle will be going home with Tillie and coming back for the funeral on Saturday . It is slowly sinking in that she is really gone . It seems so impossible to me that just a couple of weeks ago she was perfectly fine ( well , as perfect as someone gets with Alzheimer 's ) and now she is gone . I had been expecting it , but still , when it happened it was a shock . I want my Mom back . I want her now . Right now . I know it isn 't going to happen , but still I can wish even if the wish will not come true . I think I will make cookies for dessert on Saturday . I am not sure , we will see . Maybe I will order a cake instead . I don 't know . what is proper for these things ? I have never been in charge of one before so I don 't know . The man from the hospital bed company is here removing the special hospital bed Mom had . It was an air type bed to help heal her sores . They never got worse while she slept in the bed , but since she couldn 't eat , they didn 't heal either . I am alone right now for the first time since she died . It seems so unreal at times to me because I have always lived with her . When I was healthier and younger all my friends were having issues with their roommates and roommates boyfriends , so I didn 't want to get into that situation . I was able to just pay Mom rent and stay home . Then when I could afford my own apartment , Mom became ill so I was needed to stay home with her . I never minded , I mean , it isn 't like she could tell me what to do or ground me or anything . We were just roommates . I liked living here . The choice of an apartment over a house was not even thought of . Our house had room to entertain if we wanted to , which we did when she was healthier a lot . My friends would come over and we would play board games . I love board games . They are so much fun . Mom and I were able to play board games up until about a year ago . She loved moving everyone around on the board . It was quite cute to see her do that . The PowerPoint is finished . Maia did a nice job with it . The dress uniform is on mom 's dressmaker form . We had to get a different blouse because it got donated with the rest of mom 's stuff in March . If I had seen what they were doing I think a few more military stuff would not have been donated but they were and it is too late to get them back now . I did try but they either went to a different store or they were put out a long time after they were donated . I emailed the war museum in Ottawa , Ontario yesterday letting them know Mom has passed away so they can get her military record for them . I am donating all Mom 's military stuff to them . They don 't have a lot of post WWII on display so this will add to their displays plus Mom was one of the first women to become a major in all of Canada . She was the first in Ontario . I am so proud of what she accomplished while she was in the military there . Although I remember as a child being afraid that Canada and the USA would go to war at each other and then we would be sent to concentration camps . Amazing what children can fear isn 't it ? It is a quiet day for me . I plan to read and get some papers together to send to the State of Michigan . I just don 't plan to do much for the day right now . It is beautiful out so I do plan to take my scooter and go for a walk after I get it together . Mom loved going for walks so I am going to go for a scooter ride and remember all the good times we had going for walks . I have all the plans all ready . There will be a viewing on Friday from 2 to 9 at the Gramer Funeral Home with the funeral service on Saturday at 11 am with a luncheon right after . I think I am going to have Richard read the Eulogy . I wrote one , but he can write his own , whatever he wants . I am singing with Katie . We are singing " You Raise Me Up " , the Celtic Woman version . It has a verse that we are both unfamiliar with , but it fits nicely with the song . I didn 't think I could sing alone and well , I didn 't want to mess up either so Katie is singing with me . I have called or face booked so many people that I lost count . I have had people already tell me that they are coming either Friday or Saturday . One of my cousins will be there Friday but not Saturday because she is planning to go to the burial which is close to her home . It will be a nice service , I think she would be happy with it . I hope so . We have one of her military uniforms ready to be on display next to her . We are working on getting a Canadian Flag to drape over her coffin like they do with American Flags . All of the military stuff , except the pictures that I want , will be going to a museum in Ottawa , Ontario . That is where the Military Museum is at . I couldn 't send her stuff a few years ago because they couldn 't get a copy of her Military Record . Now that she has passed they can . I have to email them today . I will do it in a few minutes . I miss her a lot already although I am handling it okay . I have my bad moments , like when Margaret , the No One Dies Alone volunteer , called to tell me that Mom passed quietly and without any pain . She was with Mom at that time she died . I was glad I was not with her because I don 't think I could have handled it very well . Mom wasn 't alone and that is what matters . Mom waited for me to go home for the night . I was with her most of the day . She slipped away 15 minutes after I left . Mom passed sometime between 5 and 5 : 15 this evening . I was at the hospital until about 10 to 5 and then went home . I received the call at 5 : 15 . I have an appointment at 11 am for the funeral home . I am not sure the exact date of everything until tomorrow . It is hard to believe she is gone . She will never walk through our front door again . The good thing though , is that she doesn 't have Alzheimer 's anymore . That is HISTORY . She is healthy and happy and will be missed . I hope to show some pictures soon of her so you can see what she looked like . I miss her but I have been missing the woman she was for 2 years now . Now I will miss the woman she became . She isn 't scared all the time anymore . I was at the Emertons today . We created 3 picture boards of her this afternoon . Looking at some of the pictures made Lily and Emily laugh . Especially when they saw some of the hair styles I had . Mom 's were not too out of it , but mine were . There is one picture board left for her military stuff . Some of the certificates will be shrunk down so they will fit on the board . If we need more we can get it . I am getting used to being in the house alone . I have been alone here since yesterday morning . Tillie and Maia will be here tomorrow , Maia in the morning and Tillie in the afternoon . There is some business for me and Mom that needs to be done in town that Tillie will take care of in the morning . We all know how I am just not awake that early . I will go see Mom in the afternoon for a while . She was awake when I got there . I talked to her and stroked her hair . You can 't really move her anymore because she is so stiff and it causes pain for her . I don 't know how much she understands , but I hope she understands me telling her I love her . That is all I can do right now . I am very thankful for the chance to say goodbye because I know some of my friends didn 't get the chance that I have to say that . They didn 't have the ability or opportunity to say how lucky they were to have a Mom like theirs , or in my case , mine . I am lucky . I am the luckiest girl in the world . I had a great Mom and I told her everyday for the last two years how much I loved her . I would say , " Did I tell you today how much I love you ? " Sometimes she would say yes , I did tell her and others she would say no , I didn 't . So I told her everyday . I have been reassuring her that the boys love her too . You never know how long you have on this earth , it is so important to say I love you . It is so important because someday it could be too late . My heart is still breaking but I know somehow , someday I will be okay and I will smile and laugh without the tears just under the surface . I don 't want anything done to the house right now . I want to be able to smell her pillow with her scent on it . Okay , I do need to wash the sheets and the blankets as they smell a bit , but not her pillow . I don 't want anything done to her room . The only thing I want done is to have the hospital bed in the living room removed and they can do that in the next week or two . It isn 't a big deal . Since she barely slept in it , a few weeks is all , I have no attachment to it . The living room will go back into it regular look and that will be good . I will be here in the house for a few months before I decide what to do . I miss her already . I know she couldn 't do much at the end , and this summer she really just sat and rested , but I miss her . I have been missing her for a long time and now she will be gone . I won 't have her sitting next to me at the table where we watch TV anymore . I will be able to watch TV again , but it hasn 't even really been on the last week . I just don 't really care about TV , I haven 't in a long time . It was used to pass the time and now the time is over . I think I will head for bed shortly . I leave lights on because I can 't sleep in the house by myself in the complete dark . Mom used to leave her light and the bathroom light on so she could see the last 6 months . Then it was just her room . I need a night light . It is easy getting ready for bed now that I only have me to get ready . I miss our routine . I would take her upstairs , we would head to the bathroom where I would change her ( it was much easier there than the bedroom ) , and then I would help her to her room . We would sit on her bed and chat until she was ready to lay down and go to sleep . The I would move her legs and she would say , Oh , oh , oh , ( because it frightened her , but I had no choice ) and then I would move her in the middle of her bed so she would move her legs over the edge and cause a back ache . She would Oh , oh oh , then too . I was fast so she wouldn 't be scared long . At the hospital they tell her when they are going to do anything so she knows what is going on . She doesn 't seem to be scared like she was . She was frightened so much of the time because of the Alzheimer 's . Mom doesn 't have to be afraid anymore . I am grateful for all the time I have with her . I have had a few days more than I thought I would but this week will be the end because it will be 10 to 14 days without food or drink . A person can 't last any longer than that . I hope someday my heart becomes whole again . Right now it is broken into pieces and I can 't seem to put them back together . It has been almost a week now since the beginning of this . Mom was coughing on her food last Saturday , but was here at home with me . I called hospice and they said to mix it with ice cream making it a frosty like substance . Seems like a life time ago . I have had 6 days to get used to this idea , and most of the time now , I am used to it . She will never come home here with me again . Her bed will never be slept in by her again , nor will her clothes be worn by her . She lies in the hospital very peacefully . She is sleeping most of the time . Mom doesn 't open her eyes very often , but she can 't focus on anything when she does . There are people there when I am not . It is a program the hospital has so Mom will have someone with her when I am not . I am so happy with that program despite the reason why they have that program . I spoke with Margaret who has sat with Mom several times now . She is hanging on , I don 't know why . I told her it was okay with all of us to go . My aunt is waiting for her so is her grandmother . My heart is breaking but her long , terrible journey of Alzheimer 's is gone . She will no longer be the fragile person she became and while I find comfort in that , my heart is breaking . It is difficult to sit there with her and watch her barely breathe knowing that she can hear me but can 't answer me . She can 't recognize me anymore and that is hard because most of the time she knew who I was so I didn 't have to go through the agony of her not knowing me . I know she will be better off , but despite all these things , my heart is just breaking . I will be strong for her because she wants me to . She raised me to be strong , despite being ill . I will miss her and I miss her now even though I can still see her . I can still touch her but she can 't hug me so I hug ( as best as you can with someone who is lying down ) hug her . I tell her how much I love her and how lucky I was that she is my mother . God knew what he was doing when he gave me to her . She was the best mother in the world . The complete best . I will be heading out to go see Mom shortly . My cousin and her daughter are on their way . Mom is still hanging on . I am trying to wrap my head around this whole thing . It isn 't working . I can 't believe I am here . I have known all summer Mom was failing and that by fall she might not be here . I tried to prepare myself as best as possible . There is no way to be ready for this . I am learning this too well right now . I have Tillie and Maia here with me . Tillie spends the night and Maia spends the day here . They are a big help . I got a nice email from Andrew and I just talked to him . He is in the same shape I am in . I told him I loved him and that we would get through this together . Somehow we will . I just don 't know how right now . I already miss her . Mom is hanging on as of tonight . She was expected to pass last night , but is still with us . I told her tonight that it was okay to go home . I told her that her grandmother and sister were waiting for her . I don 't know what she is waiting for but she is waiting for something . We have everything planned , the service , the viewing , and the luncheon . She will have a service at our church . The pastor has been up to see Mom several times . It is just waiting now . She has strong vital signs at this point . There is a niece who coming tomorrow . She knows she may miss mom , but she will be here for me . She is heading for vacation on Monday and I don 't want her to cancel the vacation . It will be good to see her again . Thank you for the thoughts and prayers . I really appreciate them . I just can 't believe we are at that point . How did this happen so soon ? I was not ready for it . Mostly , Mom is pain free . She was in a bit of pain this evening , but they give her some pain medicine and then she fell back asleep . It seems so unreal . It is with such a heavy heart I write this today . Mom is dying . As you know , on Sunday she was having problems with swallowing . She can no longer eat or drink . We took her to the ER Sunday night . The hospice nurse came with us . She was asperating . The doctors feel even with a feeding tube , she would asperate the food or drink so they won 't put one in . Which I totally understand because she would get pneumonia and that would be rather painful for her . They say she won 't feel any pain , but if she does they have morphine for her . Her bottom is sore because of the pressure sores so she had some morphine last night . My Uncle Ken , who we haven 't seen in years , came to see her . I am so glad he did . His son , Kenny and his daughter , Audrey came with him . I was so glad to see them . They stayed for about 2 hours or so , Uncle Ken is very upset by this . I think he may come again . I am not sure what Richard is planning to do yet because he didn 't believe me when I told him in the morning that this is it . He thought that she would pull through . He totally understands now and so he is processing this . I figure I will call this afternoon to check on him . Tillie will be here with Maia this afternoon too . I plan to spend as much time with Mom as possible . I know I will see her again , it is just that it will be a while . I am at peace knowing she will be with Jesus and that there is no doubt about . That being said , I am not ready for her to make a journey like that without me . These next few weeks will be the hardest I have ever gone through . I am just blown away by the quickness of all this . At least , she will not be in pain and doesn 't have a clue to what is going on . I have asked them not to tell her because 1 - she isn 't going to remember anyways after a few minutes and 2 - why upset her with those few minutes , she needs to be comfortable and peaceful . We have had visitors all evening last night which I so appreciate . Rachel is supposed to have a lesson today . We shall see . She was supposed to have every other week lessons and she has had 1 lesson since Labor Day weekend . You can see how I am not very confident in her coming to a lesson . She is a senior this year and plans to audition to music schools for scholarships . Well , I am not so sure she will be prepared as she hasn 't had a voice lesson in about 8 months . She had piano lesson last month . I have picked out her audition material and I hope she likes it because they were rather specific on what they want her to prepare . The Classical Piece must be from 1900 to today so I picked a John Jacob Niles piece that we started but never finished . The Italian piece will be from her Italian book and I hope she brings it with her . The musical theatre piece she can choose from a few that I have picked out . Then there is competition , well , we need a spiritual piece and a pop piece in addition to the classical and Broadway ones . You can see why I am a bit stressed over this . Having every other week lessons boils down to 1 voice lesson a month and 1 piano lesson a month . Competition is in February and auditions start next month . I am not so stress about her little sister as she will have 2 lessons a month . This , of course , is if the come regularly , which they have not yet . I want her to do well and get scholarships , she is so talented , but it isn 't enough . She has to be prepared and last year at competition , she wasn 't totally prepared . She will be up against more like her , lots of talented people will be audition and she needs scholarships to go to college . She can 't just skate on by like she has been doing . It isn 't enough to have a naturally pretty voice , it just isn 't . You must have good technique and that is her downfall at this point . We have to work on placement , most of it is good , but that isn 't good enough . I hope to see her this afternoon and we will be working hard . She should be tired by the time we are finished . Maggie is also supposed to possibly stop by today . I don 't know what time because she is also visiting her mother . She may run out of time but that is okay . Mom is now having trouble swallowing . It doesn 't seem to matter how thick or thin the liquid or food is , she chokes . I called Hospice because I was getting very worried . They are sending a nurse out to check her out . They don 't want me to give her anything to drink until the nurse comes . I have read about this happening but it such a different thing when it happens . They also want me to keep her sitting up and not lying down so gravity can help her get rid of the cloggy stuff in her throat . I am so scared that she is at the point she can 't eat anymore . Well , we shall see what the nurse says . The joys of Alzheimer 's . I seriously hope this is one disease they can totally eliminate of the face of the earth someday . It won 't be in time for mom , but I wouldn 't wish this on anyone , even my worst enemy , not that I have one , you know what I mean . Mom is playing with paper again . I don 't mind when she does this because it keeps her mind going and active . That is important . It also keeps her very busy folding , unfolding , folding again , unfolding again . Can you just picture this teeny tiny little 5 ' 3 " , 82 pound lady doing this ? If I know where the camera cord was for the computer I would take a picture of it and post it , as it is , I have no idea where the cord is and the other camera doesn 't have a memory card in it . Someday that will be taking care of , I just don 't know when . It is a cute little camera , it is pink , one of my favorite colors ! If they had had a purple one , I would have totally bought it as purple is my absolute favorite color with pink as a close second . My old room has a purple rug and yellow walls that coordinated with the drapes and the bedspread . I had a canopy bed that mom build the frame for until that bed was changed from twin size to full size . I love my big bed . I sleep directly in the middle of the bed , no room for anyone or anything else , just me and I love it ! Tomorrow is Canadian Thanksgiving . As a child , we used to celebrate both Thanksgivings , the Canadian one and the American one . We would head over to my Grandfather 's for the Canadian one and celebrate with all my aunts and uncles and cousins . It was always fun . We also would go there for Christmas dinner too . We did this until my grandmother died when I was 9 , then we were on our own for holidays . We were invited to Tillie 's , but with the problems Mom is having , we aren 't going to go . I am just afraid she won 't be able to handle the drive . It is an hour there and an hour back plus now with this swallowing issue ? Oh my ! So we are staying home and relaxing . The nurse will let me know what to do with Mom so that will be nice . She was able to take her medication this morning so that is good , but what about this evening ? Oh , I was wrong , I misread the email , it is next week she wants the lesson . I will get everything ready for her . I have most of it ready . Today is a much better day for us than the last couple . Mom finally got up ( she was awake but didn 't want to move , much to my begging her too ) and we got ready just in time for Aggie 's lesson at noon . We were starting to go over her Broadway music when I realized we needed to start Christmas music . Since she won 't be home until the first week of November , we had to get started today . She picked out both her pieces . One is a take on First Noel with Pachebel 's Canon in D and the other has completely escaped my mind . Yes , I do remember , Ding Dong Merrily on High . How can I forget ? ? ? ? Not good ! My other angels will be starting their music rather shortly . With the beginners , you don 't have to start as early as the more advanced students as their music is much shorter that the advanced students . Calli will be starting her vocal Christmas music this week or next depending on what she would like to do . She has 2 songs already and will be beginning 2 more pieces for Christmas . She is such a doll . Acer will be beginning his after Halloween . He is so talented that to begin now , he will be bored . As it is , he will know his sister 's music by Christmas too . I have to break the news to the young man that Frank has taken a break from lessons so he will not be accompanying him on the drums at Christmas . Maybe he can with Bob or Charlie . He will be disappointed as am I , but Frank is just overwhelmed with school and marching band right now that he hasn 't played the piano in a month . That is just not Frank . Tomorrow Maggie is coming over for fun , not for book club ( since it isn 't book club week ) . I am excited about that . Mom 's friend , Jose , is supposed to visit this weekend too . I am not sure when , but that is okay , we will be home pretty much all weekend long . Mom is sitting at the dining room table with me and has been for about 3 hours now . This is the longest she has sat here in a week . Definitely a better day for the little lady . She is playing with her favorite toys , the tissue and tissue box . She folds and unfolds and then refolds the tissues over and over again . hey , it is a cheap toy that keeps her entertained for hours ! What can go wrong ? She has had a few sips of Ensure and 1 / 4 of a boost pudding so I am happy about that . I guess I can 't expect more from her because she just can 't give it to me . I tried to call Andrew today but he is either not home or not answering his phone . He does this a lot . He changed his email and I don 't know what it is now . I don 't know if he got my message from face book or not since he didn 't answer it . Both brothers are horrible about answering stuff . I have just learned to accept it . I just talked to Andrew , he gave me his new email address and I sent him an update . I hope it doesn 't shock him . It can be rather shocking to realize that mom is very close to death . I also wanted to thank Missy S . She wrote a post a few days ago about her Grandfather and his experience with Alzheimer 's . It made me feel good to know that others have gone through this too . It is one horrible disease , although I can 't say I know of any good disease in this world . It was a very touching post about his last days . Anyways , I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day ! It is so beautiful out here , we were out for a brief period going to and from the car ! Mom didn 't even complain she was cold so she must have been warm enough for a change ! We have the front door open to let the sunshine in ! Happy Saturday to you ! ! I know I already posted for the day , however , I just got some great news ! My uncle Ken is coming to see Mom . I messaged my cousin , Audrey a week or so ago , not knowing my Uncle would be in town , letting him know the condition Mom is in . She told him all about Mom and the up to date info on Mom . Well , she let me know she told him and a few days later he said he wanted to see Mom . I am very excited about this because we haven 't seen him in years . I mean , he lives really far away from us in the British Columbia near Vancouver somewhere . I am not even sure where . So it is great he wants to come . Mom was excited when I told her . No , I don 't expect her to remember , but it is nice she is excited when I told her . Today is an unusual day for us as we will have 3 different visitors , all for mom . First the nurse will be here . I don 't think there is an residual effects of yesterdays tumble , but she is getting checked just in case . Also , they need to look at her sores on her tailbone . Poor thing . That has got to hurt . They are coming with a plan of action for her . Also , today is bath day so Mom will have her bath as usual . She is still sleeping right now . She was awake earlier today , but has since fallen back asleep . I am certainly not going to wake her unless absolutely necessary and it isn 't right now . Then between 3 and 5 , the foot doctor will be here to trim the toes and look at a bump on one of them . I don 't think it hurts her , but who knows at this point because she doesn 't always know when she is in pain . Sometimes she doesn 't know until someone touches it . I can hear her from in her , sounds like she might be getting a cold . Oops , just a minute she is awake now . She doesn 't want to get up yet . I am waiting for the nurse before I get her up . The home health care aide will be here in an hour . I just changed the angle of the bed for her . She will probably go back to sleep . She hasn 't been very ambitious lately in wanting to get up and get going anywhere . Sucks for me , since I don 't like being stuck in the house , but hey , what can I do ? I have to do what is right for her right now . I could fall asleep right now again too . Maybe I will go into the living room and sleep for a bit . I am so tired this morning too . We got our flu shots yesterday and my nose is a bit stuffy today . I don 't think from the shot , it 's the weather , as I get this frequently all winter long especially when it gets colder and then warmer like it has the last few days . I am also very cold this morning in our house and it isn 't cold ! I mean temperature wise it is 73 degrees , yet I am freezing . Not good signs . I will take something to see if I can head off a cold , I certainly don 't want or need one and neither does Mom . I will be fixing a pair of jeans today , I think . I have had them for a few weeks to fix and just haven 't gotten to them yet . Mostly it is because I totally forget about them . yeah , not good . I will have them done by the weekend . It isn 't like I can deliver them right now anyway . Today is too busy for us to plan on going anywhere . i don 't even know if my machine will sew through the jean material , but I will try . Not much planned for the weekend . Right now we don 't do a whole lot because Mom is really weak and getting weaker by the day . She drinks on average now , 1 / 2 to a full Ensure a day and that is not enough for a body to live on very long . I have been meaning to ask how long she can survive on this little bit , but I forget when the nurse is here working with her . I had the follow up appointment with the doctor about the Urinary Tract Infection . I am infection free again . I was supposed to have a volunteer from Hospice come and stay with Mom but they never showed up so I had to take Mom with me . Most of it was fine , except as we left the doctor 's office she almost fell . A nice patient brought the wheelchair for her so I could wheel her to the car . Then she wouldn 't get into the car . Nope , not one bit was she getting into the car . Every so often she does this to me . I don 't know why , but she does . So what did I do ? I pretty much pushed her butt on the seat and moved her legs over so she would be sitting in the car . She hollered oh oh oh the entire time , but I got her in so we could go home . She doesn 't understand that there are times you have to get into a car , no matter if you want to or not . We then went to the drive through of Panera on our way home and I got me a nice soup and salad for lunch , as I was starving . I got her out of the car without any problem until we got to the stairs to get into the house . There , we had a bit of a problem . She fell . This time she didn 't just wobble , she actually fell . I don 't think she actually hurt herself except maybe the wrist I was holding , but she landed with a thud on her bottom on the cement porch . I called the nurse to let her know Mom fell . She said to ice the wrist and she would see Mom tomorrow between 12 and 1pm . That works really well . I will get up at 11 : 30 and then get Mom up so we will be ready . Not too much happening today now . I fell asleep for 3 hours after the doctor 's appointment . I am just so exhausted these days . Staying awake in the afternoon is becoming very difficult for me . I did sleep better last night . Unfortunately , I broke the chain that was at the top of the door . Oops . I will just bring the gate and close it off from Mom , this way she can 't get through even if she wanted to . She hasn 't tried to get out of her bed at all which is good . I will put it right near the door so if the door is open , it will crash into the gate , waking me up . I also leave a light on for Mom so she isn 't in complete darkness . She gets very afraid of the dark now just like a child does . I know when I went into bed I felt much better about leaving her downstairs than I had earlier in the week . When I checked her tailbone this morning , it wasn 't bleeding like it did yesterday when I got her up , so I did do the right thing by leaving her in the bed . She was pretty much in there all day yesterday . She just didn 't want to get up . today I have her sitting on the sofa . I will bring her in here with me in a little bit . I like her to sit with me for a time in the evening so she can watch some TV if she wants . She doesn 't have too , but if she wants to she can . There is no TV in the living room , nor do I want one in there . I have had it offered before to move the TV , but I don 't want it moved . Plain and simple . I just want it in the kitchen where it is . I like to work on the computer while I watch TV . I am almost always doing something with my hands while I watch TV otherwise they go crazy . I emailed the update to Richard yesterday . I am still slightly miffed at him over his comments about what I will do when Mom is gone . No one is more aware than me that I will not have a home after Mom goes . No , I don 't know what I will do . I get disability and teach about 6 lessons a week ( 3 are scholarship ) and that doesn 't come to a lot . I am more than aware that my monthly expenses for an apartment will quickly out do my monthly income . I have thought and prayed about it . I don 't know how it will work out , but somehow it always does . I had thought of getting a roommate or two , which would help us keep the house going . I will look into my options at that time because you can 't until you are there . So I am up for suggestions , but right now my main focus has to be on Mom . Bottom line , she needs me to be working with her everyday . She needs my attention especially getting up and going to bed . During the day , she doesn 't need me as much unless she is going to walk somewhere but I do have to remind her to drink her Ensure . That is my main concern right now . So , I took Mom upstairs to her bedroom to sleep last night . I still didn 't get enough sleep . I think I was awake until about 5 am . That wasn 't the best idea because the pressure sores were bleeding this morning , something they haven 't really done on the air bed . Mom is laying down right now on it , sleeping . She is very exhausted today . I think because yesterday was such a good day and I had her do too much this early afternoon . Oops ! I won 't do that again that is for sure . I am almost ready for my nap too . This sleep pattern has got to improve , it really sucks right now . I am so tired but I can 't sleep for more than an hour at a time until about 5 am . Bad nightmares go through my head at times . We live in a safe neighborhood and there hasn 't been a house break in in years , yet , I have been having nightmares about it that I can 't sleep between the hours 2 am to 5 am . It really stinks . This has been happening since last week when Mom first slept downstairs . I mean really , if an intruder tried to get into our house , he / she would trip on all the stuff we got near the doors . I blocked the garage door with our recycle bins ( they can be moved in case of an emergency real easy ) and the back door is blocked too . The front door has an extra chain on it so Mom doesn 't go out . This is really getting out of hand on me . Not too much going on today . Mom had her bath , and like I said , is now resting in the hospital bed . I am heading in there soon . I don 't have any lessons on Wednesday unless it is a makeup so it makes for a dull day . I paid a few bills yesterday so that is now taken care of , thank goodness . I put a load of laundry in . Naturally I wait until I am on my last pair of clean undies before I do a load . Can 't stay ahead can I ? Actually , ever since Calli helped me carry all the dirty laundry downstairs and Tillie helped me do it all , I have managed to stay on top of it . I was just tired this week so I didn 't do it until today . I will put another load in after this one is empty and then i will be up to date . This month is Meet the Blind month . Let me tell you , I know two children , who happen to be blind , that are absolutely amazing and they will be anything they want to be . They are fearless , and adventurous , and simply wonderful . I can 't go on and on enough of how awesome these two children are . To me , they are simply remarkable and they have such wonderful parents . Basically , the parents every child should have . They type that instill good self esteem and values while encouraging the children to do what they want and not hold back . I wish I was more like them , but I am timid in new situations and I get scared very easily at times . They are teaching me so much more than I can express . Teaching them piano and voice is such a fun time for us . They are both so musically talented and excited about learning in general . All my students simply will love them , and the ones that do know them , already love them . One of my older girls , Katie , can 't wait to meet them . She is trying to figure out how she can meet them before the Christmas Concert . I have the most amazing students . I simply love them all . I just wish I had more of them . It is definitely a better day today . Mom finished one ensure at lunch / breakfast and is working on the 2nd one . She so needs the protein . I wish there was a protein pill because I would so give it to her . It would heal her pressure sores in an instant . She hasn 't had them last this long ever . it is going on 3 weeks now . I know it is the protein that heals them . The nurse is looking at what else to do for her . I don 't know that there really is anything to do for her . The nurse is not really happy about the bed situation . She likes Mom sleeping on the special hospital bed , but not that I am so far away from her and she is close to the door . I don 't think Mom can get over the rails and she sleeps in one position all night long but still there is that small chance she would figure out the door and go out it . Tonight I am going to try to take her upstairs to bed . This way I can gate her in . If she can 't , then I will put her in the living room . She should be strong enough tonight for it as she is having a really good day . The past few days have been very hard on her , she was so weak , I don 't know why . She couldn 't walk , she couldn 't eat , she couldn 't do anything . Now she is her normal , well , somewhat normal , self . If she stays like this we can go to my cousin 's for the Canadian Thanksgiving and to my Uncle 's in a couple of weeks . How cool would that be ? I will be bringing the food thickener though with me . Mom is also getting to the point of pureed food . Doesn 't sound that tasty to me , but if that is what I need to do , I will . My friend , Jen , told me how to do it . She used to make it for her kids when they were small . I have to find our blender / food processor , as I haven 't seen it in a few years . I think it is over the fridge in a cabinet there . Dumb place for a cabinet , let me tell you . No one can reach up there . The pelvic pain is slowly going away , thank God for that ! I was able to sleep a bit better last night for a change , and hope to again tonight , especially since I am moving Mom back upstairs tonight . I will sleep much better with her up those stairs in the room next to me . I have a bit of more of a headache than usual , but who knows why . I meant to bring out one of my Christmas crafts , but I always say , in a minute , and that minute hasn 't come yet . I do hope to start something this week . I also have a pair of jeans to fix for my friend , and a skirt to finish for Natalie . The procrastinator in me ! Not good . I have been taking naps in the afternoon because I have been extra tired lately . I am not sure why except maybe less sleep at night . I don 't know . We are hanging in here at this house . I am hoping to see Richard soon , but he hasn 't mentioned coming to see us since summer . I am afraid because he is waiting , it may get to be too late but , when you are working contract work because there is no full time job , you have to take the work when you get it . So I do understand , it is just that Alzheimer 's doesn 't understand and is robbing Mom more and more of herself everyday . I do hope you are enjoying fall . We are , this weather is so much nicer than the hot summer . It really is for me . I am not looking forward to snow though , that I can skip except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day . I had 4 lessons today , all piano . We have officially started with Christmas music . We had to start with the girls because they only have lessons once a month , so we can 't wait until November when the concert is in December . Hannah and Natalie are playing regular sheet music now , instead of easy piano . They have moved up into the world ! Natalie was a little nervous I think with her one piece because it 's a lot of notes to play at one time , but I think she will be just fine . Lydia picked her songs too . Because she has more trouble learning pieces than her sisters , she is doing easy piano music . It is a bit too easy for her , but the next level is too hard at this point . Bob started with Christmas last week . It seems weird to be playing Christmas music and it isn 't even Halloween yet ! Hey , you have to start early if you want students to play well in the concert and I do ! Calli and Acer are absent today , but I am not starting them on Christmas until the end of the month . They don 't need as much time to practice for the concert as the older ones do . However , we will be starting before Halloween with them too . Frank will be starting this week too . Katie will start hers at her next lesson . So all in all , everyone is starting their Christmas music . It is very festive during lessons right now . Mom is resting in the living room right now . I had to get up early for my girls lessons and she didn 't want to get up , so hey , I let her sleep . Carolyn came over and she stayed with Mom and when Sylvia arrived to give Mom her bath , Carolyn 's Mom came up too . She wanted to meet Sylvia which is totally understandable as Carolyn had never met her before and was a bit worried about letting a stranger in the house . Sylvia was just finishing up when I arrived home . Mom was still in bed but we got her up to sit in the living room so she would be comfy for a while . I really didn 't want her laying down all day . She needs to sit up sometimes too . I don 't push Mom getting up right now . If she wants to stay in bed , I let her . She is very tired all the time . Tomorrow we get to sleep in ! I am so glad . It seems the last few nights I have been awake on and off all night long . I swear I saw the clock almost every hour until 5 am this morning . It is getting rather annoying and it is the pelvic pain that is keeping me up . At 5 am I came down the stairs to get some more pain medicine and decided to give the new stuff a second try . Well , let me tell you , it worked because the next time I saw the clock , it was 10 : 00 am . So yeah ! I plan to take that stuff again tonight . It really helped the pain . I could sleep without feeling any pain in that area . So that was extremely exciting to me . I don 't know how tired it makes me so I haven 't taken any yet today but it is almost time for more pain medicine so I am going to try it again . It is nice and sunny out today unlike yesterday with the rain . We didn 't have time to go to Timmy 's today . I am not sure if we will go tomorrow or not . All depends on Mom . I may take a run up there while she is sleeping but I am not sure . I don 't really like doing that . If we go I will bring her ensure with me and not get her a milk . She needs the ensure more now than the milk because she only drinks about 1 a day . Not much nutrition for her but according to the hospice book , it is normal . Doesn 't seem right to me , but her body is telling her it doesn 't need much so she doesn 't drink much . She was coughing a bit today and it sounded like a bit of congestion . I am hoping it isn 't because she doesn 't need to get sick , that could be the end of her then . The hospice book did say though that sometimes they do get fluid in the lungs at the end . So you can totally see why I DON ' T want her to have any congestion . I want her to last to after Christmas so I can really make a good one for her . The Muglia girls are going to help me decorate the living room and dining room . I am not sure where I will put the tree , but we will find a good place for it . I am just asking for a few more months , that isn 't too much is it ? One lesson tomorrow and then one on Thursday and then that is it for the week . I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day ! It has been a good one so far here . It has been a very lazy day for me here . I got up and got dressed around 11 : 30 am . I talked on the phone for a bit then went and taught 1 lesson before I got Mom up . She didn 't want to get up at that point so I didn 't make her . After Katie 's lesson I got Mom up . It was very tiring for the two of us . It is a long walk to the other bathroom to get her ready . I am going to try a new way tonight in the living room getting her undressed and ready for bed . We DID go to Tim Horton 's today . It was the first time we went together since I was in the hospital Wednesday evening . It totally wiped her out so it wasn 't the usual fun time . I think next time I will use the wheelchair . I can put the wheelchair at the bottom of the steps , walk her out the door and down the steps and then put her in . Then I can wheel her to the car . Once we get where we are going , I can put her back into the wheelchair and take her in . It shouldn 't tire her out so much that way nor should it tire me so much . I literally slept for 4 1 / 2 hours this afternoon , I was that tired . Mom is still in the living room . She is in some pain and doesn 't want to move . I tried to get her to come to the dining room but she just hurts to much so I left her in there . She has had 1 / 3 of an ensure today . I will be making some chicken for her shortly when I make me something to eat too . I hope she eats some of it . I will just feed her in the living room . I think I am going to get an air mattress for me to sleep on in the living room because it is very difficult for me to sleep that far away from her . If she should need me in the middle of the night , I won 't hear her because 1 - I am far away upstairs in the furthest from the stairs bedroom and 2 - I am partially deaf . So between those two issues , I think that might make me feel better about her sleeping downstairs away from me . I wish we were able to go to my Uncle 's yesterday because my cousin , Billy , was there and I haven 't seen him in a few years . He is really nice and a good cousin . My other cousin , Nicole , and her family were there too and I really like her too . Actually , I like most of my cousins , they are good friends as well as family members . They are very helpful . I love them all so much . I don 't know if Mom will be able to make that long trip again , but we can see . I have a wheelchair and I can use it for her . She also has a walker that she can use . It is so hard to watch a once , very vibrant person become so weak and frail . Mom was such a go getter that I wish you could have seen her . But I am thankful she is still here for now . The pelvic pain is minimum now . It still hurts , but not like it did . I am taking some pain medicine to take care of it and it helps , but doesn 't eliminate the pain totally . Because of the antibiotics , I am afraid to take my blood thinner medication because they don 't react well together . I will be taking them again after the antibiotics are finished , which should be by Wednesday or Thursday . I only have the usual headache today although when we were eating lunch I had pain in my neck and upper back but I know that was from leading and helping Mom walk . I got Christmas music out for the Muglia girls tonight . Since they have lessons only 1 time a month , I felt we needed to start now and not wait until November 's lesson . I want them to be prepared for the Christmas Concert . I should know the date shortly . Heather B - T is taking care of that for me . I am happy to have the help . I am pretty flexible on the date . I did give her my order of choices , but in reality , whenever we are able to get the church works for me . Tomorrow will be a bit busy for me , but I look forward to it . It is hard for me at times to fill my day up with enough to do . I never know what I will be up for either , which makes it even harder . I have a few less students than I have ever had so that is hard too . If I had some more , it would be good . I would have things to do and students to teach . Blasted economy ! It is hard on people in general and very hard on me as I am a luxury item . I am the first to go . But , I know God is in control and he has a plan for me . I don 't know what it is yet , but I am waiting to find out . I hope this finds you doing well . We are , overall , doing okay in the house . Mom is getting a bit stronger , but not too much . We can 't expect miracles with this illness , that is for sure but for her to hang on a bit longer is good . It is so nice outside today . Definitely my type of day , except for the rain . It isn 't raining right now , so I am happy about that , but it did rain earlier in the morning . Mom is doing a bit better nutrition wise today than she has the last few days . She downed a full ensure bottle in 15 minutes this afternoon when I got her up . I didn 't get her up until about 1 pm because she didn 't want to get up . She can 't walk very well but I am hoping it will improve with the added nutrition . We were supposed to go to my Uncle 's today , but I didn 't think she could handle the drive and she can 't walk well . She is sitting up much straighter now and isn 't leaning to the left as much as she was yesterday . Yesterday she was bent way over and leaning to the left really bad . It was frightening because she was so weak she couldn 't hold herself up right . Today she is better , especially after downing the ensure . I am hopeful we can get another one down her today . That is my goal , and maybe with a boost pudding later too . Possibly even with some dinner ! Now that would make my day , completely make my day ! The pain is getting much better , it only hurts a small amount now so yeah for that ! The pain medicine is starting to really help the pain as it gets much better . I never want to go through anything like this again . Never ! Not much is going on today . I am going to venture into our dungeon ( the family room ) to pull out a Christmas ornament craft to begin on . I am not sure . I think because she is doing so well I will try to put in a movie to watch . Right now she isn 't tired so I won 't put her in the living room for a nap , but maybe will need to later . We shall see . Right now I want to really just spend some time with her even if we are just sitting next to each other in the dining room . I hope you are enjoying the nice fall weather . It is so beautiful out , weather wise , compared to what it was a month ago . I am so glad to see October . It is a happy month in this house , even though I don 't really like Halloween . Don 't know why , just don 't like it as much as Christmas . Love the Christmas season , simply love every bit of it , even the annoying shoppers can 't get me down ! I will begin to purchase Christmas presents this month so I will have enough money to pay for the presents . If I don 't start now , then no one will get anything . I don 't know what to get Mom because she is in such bad condition , there is a new Tinkerbell movie out and she loves Tinkerbell , so maybe that . We 'll see ! The pelvic pain has been cured , well , sort of since it still hurts , but not as bad as it did . It turned out to be an abscess on me . It was very painful to do anything , and well , Wednesday did it for me . After practically crying most of the day from the pain , I went to the ER . Now I felt rather weird about this because it wasn 't truly an emergency and that is what emergency room means . However , it turned out to be the best thing because the ultrasound wouldn 't have picked it up . It would have missed it all . So , I would still be in pain and not knowing what was wrong . They pricked and drained it . Supposedly they numbed the area . Okay , but it still hurt and I was petrified . Simply scared to death . I am supposed to sit and soak everyday 3 to 4 times a day but I have to get the sit bath basin to do it . I will be getting that this afternoon . Somehow I have to keep that area completely clean , a challenge but with the soakings that should help . The doctor did say I would ache like crazy yesterday but today would be better and it is . Not good enough for me , but better . I hope it is even better tomorrow because , quite frankly , 2 weeks of this torture is enough . I did learn that had I had this diagnosed earlier , like last week , I could have saved myself not only some pain , but they could have given me medicine and it would have drained itself . But no , I was embarrassed and upset and look what happened . The old hospital bed is gone and the new one is in its place . I still don 't like the idea of Mom down here away from me at night , but she is so weak now . She had a really hard time walking this morning and we have to go to the store . ( I am waiting to see if the girl down the street can come and stay with her for a few while I go ) She nearly fell 2 times walking to the bathroom on this level . It is a further walk in the morning for her and the bathroom is smaller but what can we do ? I can 't afford to bust out a wall and make it a good size bathroom . In this new bed she only needs one pillow as her head was completely off the pillows when I came down this morning . Not a good thing for her . I guess the pillows were too high . I also think they aren 't her pillows but I can 't find hers . It is really upsetting me but what can I do ? I can 't find them . Maybe they just look different on this bed . I am going to wait another 1 / 2 hour and then we are going to have to go to the store . I need to soak today with this basin . Not that I want to , but I have to . I need to keep the area clean . So far , it has been a pretty good day overall . Mom had her bath and now she looks nice and spiffy . Although she looks very tired and weak . She had about 1 / 4 of a Ensure yesterday and that was it . So far today she has drank 1 / 2 of one . I am trying to get 2 down her today plus some chicken . I pray it works . I don 't need her going down farther . She is going down fast enough . My head is more sore than usual . Probably trying to recover from staying on a stretcher for the last day and a half . My back is better because it was really getting sore too from the same thing and well , I could only lay on my back because of the pain . I am a side sleeper . On my back I sometimes stop breathing and it also hurts it if I lay to long on it . I do hope the pain pills work for me . They wanted to give me vicodin at the hospital . I am allergic to vicodin , I told the doctor that I get really bad headaches from it and she still wanted to give me it . Why would I take something that makes my head hurt really bad ? I also am allergic to codeine . Another alternative was Tylenol 3 which has codeine in it . Where on earth was the doctor 's head ? I get bad headaches from each of them . I am not going to take them . Those were my only 2 options so I had to take no option . I simply refused to take either as they both make me ache more . I know there is more than that option available , just think a bit about it . Really , sometimes doctors make absolutely no sense . It is beautiful out and we will be heading out soon to get my basin . I think I will just go to the pharmacy right up the street instead of Walmart where we usually go . I hope you have beautiful weather too . I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
I met Donna this afternoon for tea at the local borders music and book store . It was fun . We were there for about 2 hours before we both started getting a bit tired and had to leave . It is nice to see her out of the house and out and about . She had spine surgery last spring and has been recovering ever since . She is doing pretty amazingly well . I hope it continues for her . Today is Halloween . I am just not into Halloween . I don 't particularly like this holiday . It isn 't like it was when we were small . I don 't do scary very well . I get nightmares pretty easy and so I tend to shy away from scary stuff . Normally I would have bought candy this week and Mom would pass it out but this year I am hiding in the house , maybe taking a nap as I am so tired today . I slept in too but I feel like I could go to sleep some more right now . Maybe I will go and take a nap . Hm , I think I will . More later . I am back . I went and took a nap , I just couldn 't stay awake anymore . It is now trick or treating time and I am in the dining room with only the kitchen light on . Kind of weird being in the dark , but I don 't want to turn lights on and have people think I am home or passing out candy . Kids are definitely out . I hope no one comes to my door because I won 't answer it . Maybe I should have bought some candy , but I really don 't like Halloween , that was Mom 's holiday . Thanksgiving will be next . I am unsure on whether or not I will cook a dinner or go to someone 's house for it . I will wait and see how it goes . Kathy thinks I can go to her parents , she is checking for me . With Richard and I being the only family in USA , all our relatives already had their Thanksgiving earlier this month . I have been on my own now for 2 days without someone staying the night . Make that 3 days because Friday night I was alone too . I think I am doing alright , not great , but okay . Maia will be here briefly tomorrow and Tillie will be here on Tuesday . The garage looks good and mostly empty . My room is partly organized , not completely yet . I have to find a box for some of the original teaching CDs . I have a big container for most of them , but not all the new ones fit in it so I need another . Maybe Tuesday I will go and get one . I have to work on Calli 's Christmas music . I almost forgot all about that . Her lesson is tomorrow and I need to arrange her Christmas piano piece because it is too hard , and make an accompaniment to her vocal piece . Glad I thought of that now and not tomorrow . I should have been doing this on Tuesday last week when I was home . I am going to hang a blanket at the downstairs hallway . I have to get some tacks so that I can hang it . I am going to block off the downstairs so the heat stays more upstairs than downstairs . Also , I don 't use the family room right now , so I am not going to heat it . It will help on the heating bill this winter . Next week I am going to look at the state of my finances so I will know how long I can stay in the house without a job . I am hoping to have a job by Christmas so that I won 't have to worry about finances . I will be calling my social worker tomorrow and I have to find my ticket to work info from disability . Each may have a program that will help me . It is very scary not knowing what is going to happen and I have never been in this position before , so I am a bit scared of it . I do know that something will work out and I won 't be homeless or starving . I don 't know what there is out there for disabled people as far as housing issues are and stuff like that but that is my job this week is to figure it out . I will , I have people who will be helping me . I need to also call Richard 's friend , Dave , because he may be able to help me out to . I will take what help I can get at this point because I am in uncharted waters so to speak . Well , try to have a good Halloween . I am having a better day . I hope the weather man is wrong and the white stuff stays away for a bit longer . I think it is time to pull out the old winter jacket . Ugh , that time of year again ! So , stay warm and Happy Halloween ! Today was the day we buried Mom 's ashes in the cemetery in Chatham , Ontario , Canada . Most of my cousins and my 2 uncles were there . Andrew was there too . Tillie had brought the ashes over Thursday thinking I would spend the night last night and then leave from there . Well , I ended up staying home and leaving from here . I am very tired today as I got up at 7 am and we all know how that is just the middle of the night to me . I am a 10 to 12 get up girl . It was a quick service . Andrew and Tillie spoke , I couldn 't . I was just too upset . It seems like I have said goodbye to Mom for so long now . I can 't believe it is over . Our house is so quiet . She wasn 't very noisy but she was here . I could feel her in the house . Now I don 't feel her in our house anymore . I did the week she was in the hospital , but I don 't know . Sometimes I am lonely , sometimes I am not . I have never really felt lonely before except for the few times as a teenager as many teenagers do . It is weird to me to think I can go to sleep anytime I want and that I can get up at anytime that I want . I have much work planned for the week . Monday , I have either 7 or 4 lessons depending on the Muglia schedule . Because it is the 1st , sometimes we wait until the 8th . Whatever works for them , works for me . Tuesday , I am meeting with Mom 's lawyer to go over the trust . Wednesday , I am going to Job Works and see what is available for me as far as programs go , being disabled , there might be something for me . I also have a lesson on Tuesday . Thursday is my tummy doctor 's appointment check up . I go every 3 months to make sure the medicine is working well . Friday , I have nothing concrete planned . Saturday , I hope to have a lesson and perhaps Sunday too . I don 't have any concrete plans for tomorrow except for hiding during trick or treat time . Mom was big on passing out candy and I am just not up for it this year . If Mom were here , then we would , but since she is gone , I am going to hide . I am going to dinner with the Emertons . I have to remember to bring the pictures . Lily and Emily will giggle a lot at them . I did . I can 't believe how big my hair got . Oh well , it was the style . I hope this finds you doing well . Overall , I would say I am doing better than last week and definitely better than yesterday . I still miss Mom a lot , and I expect I will for a while . She was such a big part of my life . I know that she would be so disappointed in me if I just shrivel up and hide from the world . She wanted me to have a good life and I will , just will take some time to get that way . I want to thank all my bloggy friends for the support you have given me the last few difficult weeks . I have never lost anyone so close to me before and I am glad I have friends who support and care about me . It makes everything so much easier . I really appreciate all the comments I have gotten . Thank you ! I am missing Mom a lot right now . Tomorrow we have to go and bury her ashes in Canada . I want my mom back right now . I don 't want to bury her , I want her with me . I am not feeling very strong right now . I went to Kalamazoo for a few days to see Kathy and her family . It was a lot of fun . Tomorrow is the service at the cemetery where Mom 's ashes are going to be buried . I am not looking forward to that . I am tired and kind of cranky right now . When I left , Tillie and Maia were still here and they turned off the heat , which is fine , but they forgot to turn it back on ! Oh my ! It is like so cold in here right now . I turned it back on that is for sure . Thank goodness it didn 't get too cold at night or I would have been in big trouble . I am glad I came home instead of going straight to Windsor as it is supposed to get super cold tonight . I know I get colder than everyone else , that is for sure but heat must be turned back on . I bought me 2 hoodies in Kalamazoo . I have a cute blue one and a cute gray one , they aren 't pink like I wanted , but I will be just fine with these . I have other hoodies , but the problem is they belong to other outfits and well , they have to be worn with those outfits or eventually one part of the outfit will fade before the other and I don 't want that to happen . They are quite cute outfits and I love them . Kathy 's youngest son , Jacob , turned 9 on Wednesday so I got to be there for the birthday dinner and cake and ice cream ! How cool was that ? I was pretty excited about that . I saw the twins put their Halloween costumes on in time for the preschool party . Alicia was Ariel and Samantha was Belle . Both girls looked really adorable . I will be changing the picture on my phone to them so when their Mom calls , the picture will pop up . I haven 't heard anything more about the 2 new potential students . The one lady who called said she was going to call about 6 other people and then let me know . That can take a few days . The email , I haven 't heard back from either , so I am still hopeful about that . Well , that is about it for the day . My head is sore because of the long drive by myself . I definitely prefer driving with someone else in the car . Not fun driving by oneself . Not fun at all . I tried not to remember the last time I drove out that way was when Mom and I went to Kalamazoo this summer to see Kathy and family . We had such a good time and Mom did so good during that whole trip . She slept nicely in the hotel , she was chatting away , and then playing with the girls . It was just fun . I try not to think about her all the time but it is so hard right now . She is always with me . I miss her so much , and tomorrow will be difficult but somehow I will muddle through and then come home and rest . I am so tired today too , just completely exhausted . I was supposed to go and spend the night in Windsor , but I am so exhausted , I think I am turning in extremely early and then get up super early . I will be in Windsor by 8 am to leave for the cemetery . I think that is what I am going to do . I have to get my stuff out of the car now . I hope this finds you having a good day . Today I was reading one of the blogs I read , and it hit me . I have to let this money situation go and let God take care of it . That is what I believe , so now is the time to act upon it . I am praying . I know somehow the financial situation will work out and I will be living where I am supposed to be . Today , I am more hopeful . Mom is also watching out for me . I know she is . It is a bit easier right now for me . Earlier in the doctor office it was hard because it was the first time since Mom died that I had been in there and the nurses all wanted to let me know how sorry they were . I was thankful . So many people have been so kind to me . I miss her all the time . How could I not ? She was my whole life for the last few years , and before that she came with me to my store everyday . Yup , everyday , the little Mom would get up and get ready to go to work with me . It was awesome . Some days she would help a bit , but others she would sit and talk to the students or the customers or just do her puzzle books . Everyone loved her especially the little ones . She was very friendly to everyone . She grieved with me when the economy took my beloved store . But once again , God provides . He showed me a way to pay our bills . He showed me He wanted me to take care of Mom . We may have been late on some bills , but not very often . He provided . I can see that now . Now I need to trust Him again . Many relatives will be at the burial on Saturday . I hope to see them again afterward . With the family so scattered , as many families are , it is important to get together . The last time I saw all of them , before this past weekend , was Momma 's party in March . It was nice to see so many of them there . Then we had the friend party , wow , so many of our friends and neighbors came to that too . I am truly blessed to have the family and friends that I have . I have been feeling much better this afternoon . Mom is still with me . I won 't ever forget her , but she wanted me to go on even if she wasn 't here . That was her wish . She told me so years ago when she first became ill . She wanted me to be strong . Well , I will be , because she will always be in my heart . I received an email today from a woman who wants voice lessons and wanted to know if I taught adults . Well , I do . Then , I received a phone call from a woman who wants piano lessons ! Talk about God 's timing ! I do hope that I will soon have 2 more students . I will also be looking for a job , but hey , if I get enough students , then that is the job . It is raining and windy today here . It down poured for a while this afternoon . We are under a tornado watch in our area until about 6 pm . I do hope it passes over us and no one gets hurt . So far , tears are under control today . It is definitely a better day than yesterday . I hope your day is good too . I am doing okay today . I did almost break down a couple of times , but one was when someone called and asked to talk to Mom and the other was buying the thank you notes for the visitation and the funeral . It is very strange to do errands without the little Momma with me . I mean , up until summer , I took her everywhere with me . She was always with me and has been for about 5 years so you can see why it is so strange for me . I took the Deed to the house to the Registry of Deeds to change over the house from Mom to her trust . I paid for the funeral and the meat for the church luncheon . One more activity for us and then Mom will be resting in peace . I have to pick up her ashes tomorrow . That will seem very weird too because she will be in a small box . I am glad I have company because it is creepy to have someone 's ashes in the house I think . I will be taking them across the border on Friday when I head to Tillie 's for the night . I am spending the night because I don 't know how early I have to get up to get there on Saturday . You never know with the border . It could be a breeze or it could be an hour . One just never knows . Pain wise , I am doing okay . My hips don 't hurt so much at night anymore since I am not pulling Mom across the dining room and kitchen to the back bathroom nor am I struggling to get her upstairs . I sleep a bit better when someone is in the house with me than I do when I am alone . I know I will get used to it , but right now I am not . Rare has been the time I have been alone at night in the house . When I am by myself I leave the kitchen light on because it comforts me . I don 't feel so alone with the light on . I have a night light in the bathroom now , I will see if that will be enough light for me when I am alone . I have 4 lessons today , 2 for Calli , then Acer and Bob . I am glad . It gives me something to look forward to and something to do with my time . I contacted a friend of mine who 's place of work has some openings . I will find out about hopefully tonight or sometime this week . My friend , Donna , has assured me that the pain of losing Mom will get easier . I sure hope so because right now it hurts a lot , more than my fibro pain . I feel tears all the time just below the surface . I can 't get a job and be a wreck so I am hoping by next week or so I am a little better . I just can 't believe this happened now . Deep down I have known all summer she was dying , but still , I thought I could be better prepared for the actuality of it . I now know , I can 't , no one can . Even when it is expected , it still hurts so much . I am thankful for the time we had together , even with the Alzheimer 's . I got to take care of her and I didn 't have to miss spending time with her like my brothers did . They missed out on a lot of stuff . I was with her all day , everyday . Like I said , she came everywhere with me . She liked going out with me . She loved going to lessons with me . She loved music and sewing . Listening to the students , no matter the level , made her smile and gave her enjoyment . She loved going to the movies with me . I loved having her with me , all the time , most of the time . She would help me at competitions and at recitals with holding stuff for me or getting something ready for me so I could focus on the kids . That was just Mom . She had come to competition with me for 20 years of my students competing . She simply loved going and I loved having her because she was so helpful and my companion . I hope you are having a good day . It is beautiful out . A nice , lovely October day . We all know what I wish , but I am hoping Mom is smiling down from Heaven enjoying the weather with me . The funeral for Mom was yesterday . The minister did a really nice job although she only just met Mom . She would have liked Mom had she been able to get to know her . The luncheon was really nice too . There were a lot of people there . I was thankful . The opening music was the Canadian National Anthem and as they brought Mom 's casket down , I lost it . It was so moving to me . I composed myself and did better after that . I even managed to sing ( with Katie ) pretty well so I was pleased I got through that nicely . I think Mom would have liked it a lot . She would have not been happy about being the center of attention , but she would have liked the song I sang . I sang " You Raise Me Up " , the Celtic Woman version . I dropped Richard off today so he could go for another week of work . I don 't know how he is handling this because he keeps things to himself . I was glad to finally see him after more than 2 years of not being able to see him . He just called . He arrived safely and is heading to the hotel to get ready for tomorrow 's day of work . I miss him already but not as much as mom . It is very strange and quiet in the house . Tillie is coming back over tonight to stay for a few days . I am glad . I don 't want to be alone right now . In a week or so it will be okay , but right now I cry at the drop of a hat it seems . The quiet is so loud to me . I look out the window and I hope that Mom is enjoying herself in Heaven . I miss her so much . I miss the woman she was and the woman she became with Alzheimer 's . It is very weird not having her to take care of . I can go where I want , when I want . Yet , I would give almost anything to have her back . I know it is impossible , but I want her back right her where she belongs , with me . We were a team , that 's what I used to tell her . She would smile at that . I supposed I should be thankful she never got totally into stage 7 . She never lost her smile or her communication skills totally , but I am not , because she is gone . I feel her around me and sometimes I talk to her . I tell her I will be okay , even though the tears are right below the surface . I cry very easy today . I hope that eventually goes away because you can 't go through life with tears all the time . I am going to be working on my list of things to do . I have so much that has to be done . First thing tomorrow I have some errands to run . I have 4 lessons tomorrow that I am so grateful that I have . I love teaching , it gives me such joy . Mom enjoyed listening to the lessons too . I will miss that . There is so much that I will miss . Still , I have so many memories to think of that will eventually make me smile . I hope you had a good weekend . It has been tough for me , but I did get through it , maybe not with flying colors , but I think Mom would have been happy with how well things went and how many people came to see her . Today is the viewing from 2 to 9 . I am kind of nervous about it because we don 't know how many people will be coming . I know some are , but I don 't know how many or mostly who . I only know about a few of them . I hope Mom looks okay , I know they can 't add extra pounds on her but I hope she looks okay . I am picking up Richard in a few minutes . I am going to leave a bit early so I can get some food along the way and make sure I am not late . He arrives at 11 : 35 . I am very excited to see him . I haven 't physically seen him in 2 years . I am bringing a book with me to read so I won 't be bored waiting for him . Well , I will be , but not as much with a book in hand . Then we will head straight home and then to the viewing . It will be a long day for me . I have a bit of a headache right now which is probably not the best way to start the day . It hurts more than the usual headache . I will be taking medicine for it right before I leave . Mom will have an open casket . Yes , I know , some family members wanted it closed , but I want it open so it will be . Everything is mostly my choice for Mom . I picked out everything for her . I planned everything for her tomorrow too . It was a few of the last things I could do for her . Today will be another quiet day . I don 't have much to do today because everything happens tomorrow . Tomorrow morning I go and pick up Richard then we race back to be back in time for the showing . Then , of course , Saturday is the funeral at church . They called today to ask if the menu was okay . I said yes , it was fine , because 1 - it was fine and 2 - I don 't really care about food right now . Richard wants to talk to me on the way to the viewing . Works for me as I haven 't really talked to much to him in the last few months . We have both been so busy , me with Mom and he with his family . We do need to talk about my future . It is looking a bit bleak after a few months , but I am not thinking about that right now . I will deal with all that next week . Maia is working on copying the slideshow she made of Mom onto DVDs right now . Tillie is in the shower . One of them is picking up Danielle tomorrow for the viewing and then Danielle will be going home with Tillie and coming back for the funeral on Saturday . It is slowly sinking in that she is really gone . It seems so impossible to me that just a couple of weeks ago she was perfectly fine ( well , as perfect as someone gets with Alzheimer 's ) and now she is gone . I had been expecting it , but still , when it happened it was a shock . I want my Mom back . I want her now . Right now . I know it isn 't going to happen , but still I can wish even if the wish will not come true . I think I will make cookies for dessert on Saturday . I am not sure , we will see . Maybe I will order a cake instead . I don 't know . what is proper for these things ? I have never been in charge of one before so I don 't know . The man from the hospital bed company is here removing the special hospital bed Mom had . It was an air type bed to help heal her sores . They never got worse while she slept in the bed , but since she couldn 't eat , they didn 't heal either . I am alone right now for the first time since she died . It seems so unreal at times to me because I have always lived with her . When I was healthier and younger all my friends were having issues with their roommates and roommates boyfriends , so I didn 't want to get into that situation . I was able to just pay Mom rent and stay home . Then when I could afford my own apartment , Mom became ill so I was needed to stay home with her . I never minded , I mean , it isn 't like she could tell me what to do or ground me or anything . We were just roommates . I liked living here . The choice of an apartment over a house was not even thought of . Our house had room to entertain if we wanted to , which we did when she was healthier a lot . My friends would come over and we would play board games . I love board games . They are so much fun . Mom and I were able to play board games up until about a year ago . She loved moving everyone around on the board . It was quite cute to see her do that . The PowerPoint is finished . Maia did a nice job with it . The dress uniform is on mom 's dressmaker form . We had to get a different blouse because it got donated with the rest of mom 's stuff in March . If I had seen what they were doing I think a few more military stuff would not have been donated but they were and it is too late to get them back now . I did try but they either went to a different store or they were put out a long time after they were donated . I emailed the war museum in Ottawa , Ontario yesterday letting them know Mom has passed away so they can get her military record for them . I am donating all Mom 's military stuff to them . They don 't have a lot of post WWII on display so this will add to their displays plus Mom was one of the first women to become a major in all of Canada . She was the first in Ontario . I am so proud of what she accomplished while she was in the military there . Although I remember as a child being afraid that Canada and the USA would go to war at each other and then we would be sent to concentration camps . Amazing what children can fear isn 't it ? It is a quiet day for me . I plan to read and get some papers together to send to the State of Michigan . I just don 't plan to do much for the day right now . It is beautiful out so I do plan to take my scooter and go for a walk after I get it together . Mom loved going for walks so I am going to go for a scooter ride and remember all the good times we had going for walks . I have all the plans all ready . There will be a viewing on Friday from 2 to 9 at the Gramer Funeral Home with the funeral service on Saturday at 11 am with a luncheon right after . I think I am going to have Richard read the Eulogy . I wrote one , but he can write his own , whatever he wants . I am singing with Katie . We are singing " You Raise Me Up " , the Celtic Woman version . It has a verse that we are both unfamiliar with , but it fits nicely with the song . I didn 't think I could sing alone and well , I didn 't want to mess up either so Katie is singing with me . I have called or face booked so many people that I lost count . I have had people already tell me that they are coming either Friday or Saturday . One of my cousins will be there Friday but not Saturday because she is planning to go to the burial which is close to her home . It will be a nice service , I think she would be happy with it . I hope so . We have one of her military uniforms ready to be on display next to her . We are working on getting a Canadian Flag to drape over her coffin like they do with American Flags . All of the military stuff , except the pictures that I want , will be going to a museum in Ottawa , Ontario . That is where the Military Museum is at . I couldn 't send her stuff a few years ago because they couldn 't get a copy of her Military Record . Now that she has passed they can . I have to email them today . I will do it in a few minutes . I miss her a lot already although I am handling it okay . I have my bad moments , like when Margaret , the No One Dies Alone volunteer , called to tell me that Mom passed quietly and without any pain . She was with Mom at that time she died . I was glad I was not with her because I don 't think I could have handled it very well . Mom wasn 't alone and that is what matters . Mom waited for me to go home for the night . I was with her most of the day . She slipped away 15 minutes after I left . Mom passed sometime between 5 and 5 : 15 this evening . I was at the hospital until about 10 to 5 and then went home . I received the call at 5 : 15 . I have an appointment at 11 am for the funeral home . I am not sure the exact date of everything until tomorrow . It is hard to believe she is gone . She will never walk through our front door again . The good thing though , is that she doesn 't have Alzheimer 's anymore . That is HISTORY . She is healthy and happy and will be missed . I hope to show some pictures soon of her so you can see what she looked like . I miss her but I have been missing the woman she was for 2 years now . Now I will miss the woman she became . She isn 't scared all the time anymore . I was at the Emertons today . We created 3 picture boards of her this afternoon . Looking at some of the pictures made Lily and Emily laugh . Especially when they saw some of the hair styles I had . Mom 's were not too out of it , but mine were . There is one picture board left for her military stuff . Some of the certificates will be shrunk down so they will fit on the board . If we need more we can get it . I am getting used to being in the house alone . I have been alone here since yesterday morning . Tillie and Maia will be here tomorrow , Maia in the morning and Tillie in the afternoon . There is some business for me and Mom that needs to be done in town that Tillie will take care of in the morning . We all know how I am just not awake that early . I will go see Mom in the afternoon for a while . She was awake when I got there . I talked to her and stroked her hair . You can 't really move her anymore because she is so stiff and it causes pain for her . I don 't know how much she understands , but I hope she understands me telling her I love her . That is all I can do right now . I am very thankful for the chance to say goodbye because I know some of my friends didn 't get the chance that I have to say that . They didn 't have the ability or opportunity to say how lucky they were to have a Mom like theirs , or in my case , mine . I am lucky . I am the luckiest girl in the world . I had a great Mom and I told her everyday for the last two years how much I loved her . I would say , " Did I tell you today how much I love you ? " Sometimes she would say yes , I did tell her and others she would say no , I didn 't . So I told her everyday . I have been reassuring her that the boys love her too . You never know how long you have on this earth , it is so important to say I love you . It is so important because someday it could be too late . My heart is still breaking but I know somehow , someday I will be okay and I will smile and laugh without the tears just under the surface . I don 't want anything done to the house right now . I want to be able to smell her pillow with her scent on it . Okay , I do need to wash the sheets and the blankets as they smell a bit , but not her pillow . I don 't want anything done to her room . The only thing I want done is to have the hospital bed in the living room removed and they can do that in the next week or two . It isn 't a big deal . Since she barely slept in it , a few weeks is all , I have no attachment to it . The living room will go back into it regular look and that will be good . I will be here in the house for a few months before I decide what to do . I miss her already . I know she couldn 't do much at the end , and this summer she really just sat and rested , but I miss her . I have been missing her for a long time and now she will be gone . I won 't have her sitting next to me at the table where we watch TV anymore . I will be able to watch TV again , but it hasn 't even really been on the last week . I just don 't really care about TV , I haven 't in a long time . It was used to pass the time and now the time is over . I think I will head for bed shortly . I leave lights on because I can 't sleep in the house by myself in the complete dark . Mom used to leave her light and the bathroom light on so she could see the last 6 months . Then it was just her room . I need a night light . It is easy getting ready for bed now that I only have me to get ready . I miss our routine . I would take her upstairs , we would head to the bathroom where I would change her ( it was much easier there than the bedroom ) , and then I would help her to her room . We would sit on her bed and chat until she was ready to lay down and go to sleep . The I would move her legs and she would say , Oh , oh , oh , ( because it frightened her , but I had no choice ) and then I would move her in the middle of her bed so she would move her legs over the edge and cause a back ache . She would Oh , oh oh , then too . I was fast so she wouldn 't be scared long . At the hospital they tell her when they are going to do anything so she knows what is going on . She doesn 't seem to be scared like she was . She was frightened so much of the time because of the Alzheimer 's . Mom doesn 't have to be afraid anymore . I am grateful for all the time I have with her . I have had a few days more than I thought I would but this week will be the end because it will be 10 to 14 days without food or drink . A person can 't last any longer than that . I hope someday my heart becomes whole again . Right now it is broken into pieces and I can 't seem to put them back together . It has been almost a week now since the beginning of this . Mom was coughing on her food last Saturday , but was here at home with me . I called hospice and they said to mix it with ice cream making it a frosty like substance . Seems like a life time ago . I have had 6 days to get used to this idea , and most of the time now , I am used to it . She will never come home here with me again . Her bed will never be slept in by her again , nor will her clothes be worn by her . She lies in the hospital very peacefully . She is sleeping most of the time . Mom doesn 't open her eyes very often , but she can 't focus on anything when she does . There are people there when I am not . It is a program the hospital has so Mom will have someone with her when I am not . I am so happy with that program despite the reason why they have that program . I spoke with Margaret who has sat with Mom several times now . She is hanging on , I don 't know why . I told her it was okay with all of us to go . My aunt is waiting for her so is her grandmother . My heart is breaking but her long , terrible journey of Alzheimer 's is gone . She will no longer be the fragile person she became and while I find comfort in that , my heart is breaking . It is difficult to sit there with her and watch her barely breathe knowing that she can hear me but can 't answer me . She can 't recognize me anymore and that is hard because most of the time she knew who I was so I didn 't have to go through the agony of her not knowing me . I know she will be better off , but despite all these things , my heart is just breaking . I will be strong for her because she wants me to . She raised me to be strong , despite being ill . I will miss her and I miss her now even though I can still see her . I can still touch her but she can 't hug me so I hug ( as best as you can with someone who is lying down ) hug her . I tell her how much I love her and how lucky I was that she is my mother . God knew what he was doing when he gave me to her . She was the best mother in the world . The complete best . I will be heading out to go see Mom shortly . My cousin and her daughter are on their way . Mom is still hanging on . I am trying to wrap my head around this whole thing . It isn 't working . I can 't believe I am here . I have known all summer Mom was failing and that by fall she might not be here . I tried to prepare myself as best as possible . There is no way to be ready for this . I am learning this too well right now . I have Tillie and Maia here with me . Tillie spends the night and Maia spends the day here . They are a big help . I got a nice email from Andrew and I just talked to him . He is in the same shape I am in . I told him I loved him and that we would get through this together . Somehow we will . I just don 't know how right now . I already miss her . Mom is hanging on as of tonight . She was expected to pass last night , but is still with us . I told her tonight that it was okay to go home . I told her that her grandmother and sister were waiting for her . I don 't know what she is waiting for but she is waiting for something . We have everything planned , the service , the viewing , and the luncheon . She will have a service at our church . The pastor has been up to see Mom several times . It is just waiting now . She has strong vital signs at this point . There is a niece who coming tomorrow . She knows she may miss mom , but she will be here for me . She is heading for vacation on Monday and I don 't want her to cancel the vacation . It will be good to see her again . Thank you for the thoughts and prayers . I really appreciate them . I just can 't believe we are at that point . How did this happen so soon ? I was not ready for it . Mostly , Mom is pain free . She was in a bit of pain this evening , but they give her some pain medicine and then she fell back asleep . It seems so unreal . It is with such a heavy heart I write this today . Mom is dying . As you know , on Sunday she was having problems with swallowing . She can no longer eat or drink . We took her to the ER Sunday night . The hospice nurse came with us . She was asperating . The doctors feel even with a feeding tube , she would asperate the food or drink so they won 't put one in . Which I totally understand because she would get pneumonia and that would be rather painful for her . They say she won 't feel any pain , but if she does they have morphine for her . Her bottom is sore because of the pressure sores so she had some morphine last night . My Uncle Ken , who we haven 't seen in years , came to see her . I am so glad he did . His son , Kenny and his daughter , Audrey came with him . I was so glad to see them . They stayed for about 2 hours or so , Uncle Ken is very upset by this . I think he may come again . I am not sure what Richard is planning to do yet because he didn 't believe me when I told him in the morning that this is it . He thought that she would pull through . He totally understands now and so he is processing this . I figure I will call this afternoon to check on him . Tillie will be here with Maia this afternoon too . I plan to spend as much time with Mom as possible . I know I will see her again , it is just that it will be a while . I am at peace knowing she will be with Jesus and that there is no doubt about . That being said , I am not ready for her to make a journey like that without me . These next few weeks will be the hardest I have ever gone through . I am just blown away by the quickness of all this . At least , she will not be in pain and doesn 't have a clue to what is going on . I have asked them not to tell her because 1 - she isn 't going to remember anyways after a few minutes and 2 - why upset her with those few minutes , she needs to be comfortable and peaceful . We have had visitors all evening last night which I so appreciate . Rachel is supposed to have a lesson today . We shall see . She was supposed to have every other week lessons and she has had 1 lesson since Labor Day weekend . You can see how I am not very confident in her coming to a lesson . She is a senior this year and plans to audition to music schools for scholarships . Well , I am not so sure she will be prepared as she hasn 't had a voice lesson in about 8 months . She had piano lesson last month . I have picked out her audition material and I hope she likes it because they were rather specific on what they want her to prepare . The Classical Piece must be from 1900 to today so I picked a John Jacob Niles piece that we started but never finished . The Italian piece will be from her Italian book and I hope she brings it with her . The musical theatre piece she can choose from a few that I have picked out . Then there is competition , well , we need a spiritual piece and a pop piece in addition to the classical and Broadway ones . You can see why I am a bit stressed over this . Having every other week lessons boils down to 1 voice lesson a month and 1 piano lesson a month . Competition is in February and auditions start next month . I am not so stress about her little sister as she will have 2 lessons a month . This , of course , is if the come regularly , which they have not yet . I want her to do well and get scholarships , she is so talented , but it isn 't enough . She has to be prepared and last year at competition , she wasn 't totally prepared . She will be up against more like her , lots of talented people will be audition and she needs scholarships to go to college . She can 't just skate on by like she has been doing . It isn 't enough to have a naturally pretty voice , it just isn 't . You must have good technique and that is her downfall at this point . We have to work on placement , most of it is good , but that isn 't good enough . I hope to see her this afternoon and we will be working hard . She should be tired by the time we are finished . Maggie is also supposed to possibly stop by today . I don 't know what time because she is also visiting her mother . She may run out of time but that is okay . Mom is now having trouble swallowing . It doesn 't seem to matter how thick or thin the liquid or food is , she chokes . I called Hospice because I was getting very worried . They are sending a nurse out to check her out . They don 't want me to give her anything to drink until the nurse comes . I have read about this happening but it such a different thing when it happens . They also want me to keep her sitting up and not lying down so gravity can help her get rid of the cloggy stuff in her throat . I am so scared that she is at the point she can 't eat anymore . Well , we shall see what the nurse says . The joys of Alzheimer 's . I seriously hope this is one disease they can totally eliminate of the face of the earth someday . It won 't be in time for mom , but I wouldn 't wish this on anyone , even my worst enemy , not that I have one , you know what I mean . Mom is playing with paper again . I don 't mind when she does this because it keeps her mind going and active . That is important . It also keeps her very busy folding , unfolding , folding again , unfolding again . Can you just picture this teeny tiny little 5 ' 3 " , 82 pound lady doing this ? If I know where the camera cord was for the computer I would take a picture of it and post it , as it is , I have no idea where the cord is and the other camera doesn 't have a memory card in it . Someday that will be taking care of , I just don 't know when . It is a cute little camera , it is pink , one of my favorite colors ! If they had had a purple one , I would have totally bought it as purple is my absolute favorite color with pink as a close second . My old room has a purple rug and yellow walls that coordinated with the drapes and the bedspread . I had a canopy bed that mom build the frame for until that bed was changed from twin size to full size . I love my big bed . I sleep directly in the middle of the bed , no room for anyone or anything else , just me and I love it ! Tomorrow is Canadian Thanksgiving . As a child , we used to celebrate both Thanksgivings , the Canadian one and the American one . We would head over to my Grandfather 's for the Canadian one and celebrate with all my aunts and uncles and cousins . It was always fun . We also would go there for Christmas dinner too . We did this until my grandmother died when I was 9 , then we were on our own for holidays . We were invited to Tillie 's , but with the problems Mom is having , we aren 't going to go . I am just afraid she won 't be able to handle the drive . It is an hour there and an hour back plus now with this swallowing issue ? Oh my ! So we are staying home and relaxing . The nurse will let me know what to do with Mom so that will be nice . She was able to take her medication this morning so that is good , but what about this evening ? Oh , I was wrong , I misread the email , it is next week she wants the lesson . I will get everything ready for her . I have most of it ready . Today is a much better day for us than the last couple . Mom finally got up ( she was awake but didn 't want to move , much to my begging her too ) and we got ready just in time for Aggie 's lesson at noon . We were starting to go over her Broadway music when I realized we needed to start Christmas music . Since she won 't be home until the first week of November , we had to get started today . She picked out both her pieces . One is a take on First Noel with Pachebel 's Canon in D and the other has completely escaped my mind . Yes , I do remember , Ding Dong Merrily on High . How can I forget ? ? ? ? Not good ! My other angels will be starting their music rather shortly . With the beginners , you don 't have to start as early as the more advanced students as their music is much shorter that the advanced students . Calli will be starting her vocal Christmas music this week or next depending on what she would like to do . She has 2 songs already and will be beginning 2 more pieces for Christmas . She is such a doll . Acer will be beginning his after Halloween . He is so talented that to begin now , he will be bored . As it is , he will know his sister 's music by Christmas too . I have to break the news to the young man that Frank has taken a break from lessons so he will not be accompanying him on the drums at Christmas . Maybe he can with Bob or Charlie . He will be disappointed as am I , but Frank is just overwhelmed with school and marching band right now that he hasn 't played the piano in a month . That is just not Frank . Tomorrow Maggie is coming over for fun , not for book club ( since it isn 't book club week ) . I am excited about that . Mom 's friend , Jose , is supposed to visit this weekend too . I am not sure when , but that is okay , we will be home pretty much all weekend long . Mom is sitting at the dining room table with me and has been for about 3 hours now . This is the longest she has sat here in a week . Definitely a better day for the little lady . She is playing with her favorite toys , the tissue and tissue box . She folds and unfolds and then refolds the tissues over and over again . hey , it is a cheap toy that keeps her entertained for hours ! What can go wrong ? She has had a few sips of Ensure and 1 / 4 of a boost pudding so I am happy about that . I guess I can 't expect more from her because she just can 't give it to me . I tried to call Andrew today but he is either not home or not answering his phone . He does this a lot . He changed his email and I don 't know what it is now . I don 't know if he got my message from face book or not since he didn 't answer it . Both brothers are horrible about answering stuff . I have just learned to accept it . I just talked to Andrew , he gave me his new email address and I sent him an update . I hope it doesn 't shock him . It can be rather shocking to realize that mom is very close to death . I also wanted to thank Missy S . She wrote a post a few days ago about her Grandfather and his experience with Alzheimer 's . It made me feel good to know that others have gone through this too . It is one horrible disease , although I can 't say I know of any good disease in this world . It was a very touching post about his last days . Anyways , I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day ! It is so beautiful out here , we were out for a brief period going to and from the car ! Mom didn 't even complain she was cold so she must have been warm enough for a change ! We have the front door open to let the sunshine in ! Happy Saturday to you ! ! I know I already posted for the day , however , I just got some great news ! My uncle Ken is coming to see Mom . I messaged my cousin , Audrey a week or so ago , not knowing my Uncle would be in town , letting him know the condition Mom is in . She told him all about Mom and the up to date info on Mom . Well , she let me know she told him and a few days later he said he wanted to see Mom . I am very excited about this because we haven 't seen him in years . I mean , he lives really far away from us in the British Columbia near Vancouver somewhere . I am not even sure where . So it is great he wants to come . Mom was excited when I told her . No , I don 't expect her to remember , but it is nice she is excited when I told her . Today is an unusual day for us as we will have 3 different visitors , all for mom . First the nurse will be here . I don 't think there is an residual effects of yesterdays tumble , but she is getting checked just in case . Also , they need to look at her sores on her tailbone . Poor thing . That has got to hurt . They are coming with a plan of action for her . Also , today is bath day so Mom will have her bath as usual . She is still sleeping right now . She was awake earlier today , but has since fallen back asleep . I am certainly not going to wake her unless absolutely necessary and it isn 't right now . Then between 3 and 5 , the foot doctor will be here to trim the toes and look at a bump on one of them . I don 't think it hurts her , but who knows at this point because she doesn 't always know when she is in pain . Sometimes she doesn 't know until someone touches it . I can hear her from in her , sounds like she might be getting a cold . Oops , just a minute she is awake now . She doesn 't want to get up yet . I am waiting for the nurse before I get her up . The home health care aide will be here in an hour . I just changed the angle of the bed for her . She will probably go back to sleep . She hasn 't been very ambitious lately in wanting to get up and get going anywhere . Sucks for me , since I don 't like being stuck in the house , but hey , what can I do ? I have to do what is right for her right now . I could fall asleep right now again too . Maybe I will go into the living room and sleep for a bit . I am so tired this morning too . We got our flu shots yesterday and my nose is a bit stuffy today . I don 't think from the shot , it 's the weather , as I get this frequently all winter long especially when it gets colder and then warmer like it has the last few days . I am also very cold this morning in our house and it isn 't cold ! I mean temperature wise it is 73 degrees , yet I am freezing . Not good signs . I will take something to see if I can head off a cold , I certainly don 't want or need one and neither does Mom . I will be fixing a pair of jeans today , I think . I have had them for a few weeks to fix and just haven 't gotten to them yet . Mostly it is because I totally forget about them . yeah , not good . I will have them done by the weekend . It isn 't like I can deliver them right now anyway . Today is too busy for us to plan on going anywhere . i don 't even know if my machine will sew through the jean material , but I will try . Not much planned for the weekend . Right now we don 't do a whole lot because Mom is really weak and getting weaker by the day . She drinks on average now , 1 / 2 to a full Ensure a day and that is not enough for a body to live on very long . I have been meaning to ask how long she can survive on this little bit , but I forget when the nurse is here working with her . I had the follow up appointment with the doctor about the Urinary Tract Infection . I am infection free again . I was supposed to have a volunteer from Hospice come and stay with Mom but they never showed up so I had to take Mom with me . Most of it was fine , except as we left the doctor 's office she almost fell . A nice patient brought the wheelchair for her so I could wheel her to the car . Then she wouldn 't get into the car . Nope , not one bit was she getting into the car . Every so often she does this to me . I don 't know why , but she does . So what did I do ? I pretty much pushed her butt on the seat and moved her legs over so she would be sitting in the car . She hollered oh oh oh the entire time , but I got her in so we could go home . She doesn 't understand that there are times you have to get into a car , no matter if you want to or not . We then went to the drive through of Panera on our way home and I got me a nice soup and salad for lunch , as I was starving . I got her out of the car without any problem until we got to the stairs to get into the house . There , we had a bit of a problem . She fell . This time she didn 't just wobble , she actually fell . I don 't think she actually hurt herself except maybe the wrist I was holding , but she landed with a thud on her bottom on the cement porch . I called the nurse to let her know Mom fell . She said to ice the wrist and she would see Mom tomorrow between 12 and 1pm . That works really well . I will get up at 11 : 30 and then get Mom up so we will be ready . Not too much happening today now . I fell asleep for 3 hours after the doctor 's appointment . I am just so exhausted these days . Staying awake in the afternoon is becoming very difficult for me . I did sleep better last night . Unfortunately , I broke the chain that was at the top of the door . Oops . I will just bring the gate and close it off from Mom , this way she can 't get through even if she wanted to . She hasn 't tried to get out of her bed at all which is good . I will put it right near the door so if the door is open , it will crash into the gate , waking me up . I also leave a light on for Mom so she isn 't in complete darkness . She gets very afraid of the dark now just like a child does . I know when I went into bed I felt much better about leaving her downstairs than I had earlier in the week . When I checked her tailbone this morning , it wasn 't bleeding like it did yesterday when I got her up , so I did do the right thing by leaving her in the bed . She was pretty much in there all day yesterday . She just didn 't want to get up . today I have her sitting on the sofa . I will bring her in here with me in a little bit . I like her to sit with me for a time in the evening so she can watch some TV if she wants . She doesn 't have too , but if she wants to she can . There is no TV in the living room , nor do I want one in there . I have had it offered before to move the TV , but I don 't want it moved . Plain and simple . I just want it in the kitchen where it is . I like to work on the computer while I watch TV . I am almost always doing something with my hands while I watch TV otherwise they go crazy . I emailed the update to Richard yesterday . I am still slightly miffed at him over his comments about what I will do when Mom is gone . No one is more aware than me that I will not have a home after Mom goes . No , I don 't know what I will do . I get disability and teach about 6 lessons a week ( 3 are scholarship ) and that doesn 't come to a lot . I am more than aware that my monthly expenses for an apartment will quickly out do my monthly income . I have thought and prayed about it . I don 't know how it will work out , but somehow it always does . I had thought of getting a roommate or two , which would help us keep the house going . I will look into my options at that time because you can 't until you are there . So I am up for suggestions , but right now my main focus has to be on Mom . Bottom line , she needs me to be working with her everyday . She needs my attention especially getting up and going to bed . During the day , she doesn 't need me as much unless she is going to walk somewhere but I do have to remind her to drink her Ensure . That is my main concern right now . So , I took Mom upstairs to her bedroom to sleep last night . I still didn 't get enough sleep . I think I was awake until about 5 am . That wasn 't the best idea because the pressure sores were bleeding this morning , something they haven 't really done on the air bed . Mom is laying down right now on it , sleeping . She is very exhausted today . I think because yesterday was such a good day and I had her do too much this early afternoon . Oops ! I won 't do that again that is for sure . I am almost ready for my nap too . This sleep pattern has got to improve , it really sucks right now . I am so tired but I can 't sleep for more than an hour at a time until about 5 am . Bad nightmares go through my head at times . We live in a safe neighborhood and there hasn 't been a house break in in years , yet , I have been having nightmares about it that I can 't sleep between the hours 2 am to 5 am . It really stinks . This has been happening since last week when Mom first slept downstairs . I mean really , if an intruder tried to get into our house , he / she would trip on all the stuff we got near the doors . I blocked the garage door with our recycle bins ( they can be moved in case of an emergency real easy ) and the back door is blocked too . The front door has an extra chain on it so Mom doesn 't go out . This is really getting out of hand on me . Not too much going on today . Mom had her bath , and like I said , is now resting in the hospital bed . I am heading in there soon . I don 't have any lessons on Wednesday unless it is a makeup so it makes for a dull day . I paid a few bills yesterday so that is now taken care of , thank goodness . I put a load of laundry in . Naturally I wait until I am on my last pair of clean undies before I do a load . Can 't stay ahead can I ? Actually , ever since Calli helped me carry all the dirty laundry downstairs and Tillie helped me do it all , I have managed to stay on top of it . I was just tired this week so I didn 't do it until today . I will put another load in after this one is empty and then i will be up to date . This month is Meet the Blind month . Let me tell you , I know two children , who happen to be blind , that are absolutely amazing and they will be anything they want to be . They are fearless , and adventurous , and simply wonderful . I can 't go on and on enough of how awesome these two children are . To me , they are simply remarkable and they have such wonderful parents . Basically , the parents every child should have . They type that instill good self esteem and values while encouraging the children to do what they want and not hold back . I wish I was more like them , but I am timid in new situations and I get scared very easily at times . They are teaching me so much more than I can express . Teaching them piano and voice is such a fun time for us . They are both so musically talented and excited about learning in general . All my students simply will love them , and the ones that do know them , already love them . One of my older girls , Katie , can 't wait to meet them . She is trying to figure out how she can meet them before the Christmas Concert . I have the most amazing students . I simply love them all . I just wish I had more of them . It is definitely a better day today . Mom finished one ensure at lunch / breakfast and is working on the 2nd one . She so needs the protein . I wish there was a protein pill because I would so give it to her . It would heal her pressure sores in an instant . She hasn 't had them last this long ever . it is going on 3 weeks now . I know it is the protein that heals them . The nurse is looking at what else to do for her . I don 't know that there really is anything to do for her . The nurse is not really happy about the bed situation . She likes Mom sleeping on the special hospital bed , but not that I am so far away from her and she is close to the door . I don 't think Mom can get over the rails and she sleeps in one position all night long but still there is that small chance she would figure out the door and go out it . Tonight I am going to try to take her upstairs to bed . This way I can gate her in . If she can 't , then I will put her in the living room . She should be strong enough tonight for it as she is having a really good day . The past few days have been very hard on her , she was so weak , I don 't know why . She couldn 't walk , she couldn 't eat , she couldn 't do anything . Now she is her normal , well , somewhat normal , self . If she stays like this we can go to my cousin 's for the Canadian Thanksgiving and to my Uncle 's in a couple of weeks . How cool would that be ? I will be bringing the food thickener though with me . Mom is also getting to the point of pureed food . Doesn 't sound that tasty to me , but if that is what I need to do , I will . My friend , Jen , told me how to do it . She used to make it for her kids when they were small . I have to find our blender / food processor , as I haven 't seen it in a few years . I think it is over the fridge in a cabinet there . Dumb place for a cabinet , let me tell you . No one can reach up there . The pelvic pain is slowly going away , thank God for that ! I was able to sleep a bit better last night for a change , and hope to again tonight , especially since I am moving Mom back upstairs tonight . I will sleep much better with her up those stairs in the room next to me . I have a bit of more of a headache than usual , but who knows why . I meant to bring out one of my Christmas crafts , but I always say , in a minute , and that minute hasn 't come yet . I do hope to start something this week . I also have a pair of jeans to fix for my friend , and a skirt to finish for Natalie . The procrastinator in me ! Not good . I have been taking naps in the afternoon because I have been extra tired lately . I am not sure why except maybe less sleep at night . I don 't know . We are hanging in here at this house . I am hoping to see Richard soon , but he hasn 't mentioned coming to see us since summer . I am afraid because he is waiting , it may get to be too late but , when you are working contract work because there is no full time job , you have to take the work when you get it . So I do understand , it is just that Alzheimer 's doesn 't understand and is robbing Mom more and more of herself everyday . I do hope you are enjoying fall . We are , this weather is so much nicer than the hot summer . It really is for me . I am not looking forward to snow though , that I can skip except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day . I had 4 lessons today , all piano . We have officially started with Christmas music . We had to start with the girls because they only have lessons once a month , so we can 't wait until November when the concert is in December . Hannah and Natalie are playing regular sheet music now , instead of easy piano . They have moved up into the world ! Natalie was a little nervous I think with her one piece because it 's a lot of notes to play at one time , but I think she will be just fine . Lydia picked her songs too . Because she has more trouble learning pieces than her sisters , she is doing easy piano music . It is a bit too easy for her , but the next level is too hard at this point . Bob started with Christmas last week . It seems weird to be playing Christmas music and it isn 't even Halloween yet ! Hey , you have to start early if you want students to play well in the concert and I do ! Calli and Acer are absent today , but I am not starting them on Christmas until the end of the month . They don 't need as much time to practice for the concert as the older ones do . However , we will be starting before Halloween with them too . Frank will be starting this week too . Katie will start hers at her next lesson . So all in all , everyone is starting their Christmas music . It is very festive during lessons right now . Mom is resting in the living room right now . I had to get up early for my girls lessons and she didn 't want to get up , so hey , I let her sleep . Carolyn came over and she stayed with Mom and when Sylvia arrived to give Mom her bath , Carolyn 's Mom came up too . She wanted to meet Sylvia which is totally understandable as Carolyn had never met her before and was a bit worried about letting a stranger in the house . Sylvia was just finishing up when I arrived home . Mom was still in bed but we got her up to sit in the living room so she would be comfy for a while . I really didn 't want her laying down all day . She needs to sit up sometimes too . I don 't push Mom getting up right now . If she wants to stay in bed , I let her . She is very tired all the time . Tomorrow we get to sleep in ! I am so glad . It seems the last few nights I have been awake on and off all night long . I swear I saw the clock almost every hour until 5 am this morning . It is getting rather annoying and it is the pelvic pain that is keeping me up . At 5 am I came down the stairs to get some more pain medicine and decided to give the new stuff a second try . Well , let me tell you , it worked because the next time I saw the clock , it was 10 : 00 am . So yeah ! I plan to take that stuff again tonight . It really helped the pain . I could sleep without feeling any pain in that area . So that was extremely exciting to me . I don 't know how tired it makes me so I haven 't taken any yet today but it is almost time for more pain medicine so I am going to try it again . It is nice and sunny out today unlike yesterday with the rain . We didn 't have time to go to Timmy 's today . I am not sure if we will go tomorrow or not . All depends on Mom . I may take a run up there while she is sleeping but I am not sure . I don 't really like doing that . If we go I will bring her ensure with me and not get her a milk . She needs the ensure more now than the milk because she only drinks about 1 a day . Not much nutrition for her but according to the hospice book , it is normal . Doesn 't seem right to me , but her body is telling her it doesn 't need much so she doesn 't drink much . She was coughing a bit today and it sounded like a bit of congestion . I am hoping it isn 't because she doesn 't need to get sick , that could be the end of her then . The hospice book did say though that sometimes they do get fluid in the lungs at the end . So you can totally see why I DON ' T want her to have any congestion . I want her to last to after Christmas so I can really make a good one for her . The Muglia girls are going to help me decorate the living room and dining room . I am not sure where I will put the tree , but we will find a good place for it . I am just asking for a few more months , that isn 't too much is it ? One lesson tomorrow and then one on Thursday and then that is it for the week . I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day ! It has been a good one so far here . It has been a very lazy day for me here . I got up and got dressed around 11 : 30 am . I talked on the phone for a bit then went and taught 1 lesson before I got Mom up . She didn 't want to get up at that point so I didn 't make her . After Katie 's lesson I got Mom up . It was very tiring for the two of us . It is a long walk to the other bathroom to get her ready . I am going to try a new way tonight in the living room getting her undressed and ready for bed . We DID go to Tim Horton 's today . It was the first time we went together since I was in the hospital Wednesday evening . It totally wiped her out so it wasn 't the usual fun time . I think next time I will use the wheelchair . I can put the wheelchair at the bottom of the steps , walk her out the door and down the steps and then put her in . Then I can wheel her to the car . Once we get where we are going , I can put her back into the wheelchair and take her in . It shouldn 't tire her out so much that way nor should it tire me so much . I literally slept for 4 1 / 2 hours this afternoon , I was that tired . Mom is still in the living room . She is in some pain and doesn 't want to move . I tried to get her to come to the dining room but she just hurts to much so I left her in there . She has had 1 / 3 of an ensure today . I will be making some chicken for her shortly when I make me something to eat too . I hope she eats some of it . I will just feed her in the living room . I think I am going to get an air mattress for me to sleep on in the living room because it is very difficult for me to sleep that far away from her . If she should need me in the middle of the night , I won 't hear her because 1 - I am far away upstairs in the furthest from the stairs bedroom and 2 - I am partially deaf . So between those two issues , I think that might make me feel better about her sleeping downstairs away from me . I wish we were able to go to my Uncle 's yesterday because my cousin , Billy , was there and I haven 't seen him in a few years . He is really nice and a good cousin . My other cousin , Nicole , and her family were there too and I really like her too . Actually , I like most of my cousins , they are good friends as well as family members . They are very helpful . I love them all so much . I don 't know if Mom will be able to make that long trip again , but we can see . I have a wheelchair and I can use it for her . She also has a walker that she can use . It is so hard to watch a once , very vibrant person become so weak and frail . Mom was such a go getter that I wish you could have seen her . But I am thankful she is still here for now . The pelvic pain is minimum now . It still hurts , but not like it did . I am taking some pain medicine to take care of it and it helps , but doesn 't eliminate the pain totally . Because of the antibiotics , I am afraid to take my blood thinner medication because they don 't react well together . I will be taking them again after the antibiotics are finished , which should be by Wednesday or Thursday . I only have the usual headache today although when we were eating lunch I had pain in my neck and upper back but I know that was from leading and helping Mom walk . I got Christmas music out for the Muglia girls tonight . Since they have lessons only 1 time a month , I felt we needed to start now and not wait until November 's lesson . I want them to be prepared for the Christmas Concert . I should know the date shortly . Heather B - T is taking care of that for me . I am happy to have the help . I am pretty flexible on the date . I did give her my order of choices , but in reality , whenever we are able to get the church works for me . Tomorrow will be a bit busy for me , but I look forward to it . It is hard for me at times to fill my day up with enough to do . I never know what I will be up for either , which makes it even harder . I have a few less students than I have ever had so that is hard too . If I had some more , it would be good . I would have things to do and students to teach . Blasted economy ! It is hard on people in general and very hard on me as I am a luxury item . I am the first to go . But , I know God is in control and he has a plan for me . I don 't know what it is yet , but I am waiting to find out . I hope this finds you doing well . We are , overall , doing okay in the house . Mom is getting a bit stronger , but not too much . We can 't expect miracles with this illness , that is for sure but for her to hang on a bit longer is good . It is so nice outside today . Definitely my type of day , except for the rain . It isn 't raining right now , so I am happy about that , but it did rain earlier in the morning . Mom is doing a bit better nutrition wise today than she has the last few days . She downed a full ensure bottle in 15 minutes this afternoon when I got her up . I didn 't get her up until about 1 pm because she didn 't want to get up . She can 't walk very well but I am hoping it will improve with the added nutrition . We were supposed to go to my Uncle 's today , but I didn 't think she could handle the drive and she can 't walk well . She is sitting up much straighter now and isn 't leaning to the left as much as she was yesterday . Yesterday she was bent way over and leaning to the left really bad . It was frightening because she was so weak she couldn 't hold herself up right . Today she is better , especially after downing the ensure . I am hopeful we can get another one down her today . That is my goal , and maybe with a boost pudding later too . Possibly even with some dinner ! Now that would make my day , completely make my day ! The pain is getting much better , it only hurts a small amount now so yeah for that ! The pain medicine is starting to really help the pain as it gets much better . I never want to go through anything like this again . Never ! Not much is going on today . I am going to venture into our dungeon ( the family room ) to pull out a Christmas ornament craft to begin on . I am not sure . I think because she is doing so well I will try to put in a movie to watch . Right now she isn 't tired so I won 't put her in the living room for a nap , but maybe will need to later . We shall see . Right now I want to really just spend some time with her even if we are just sitting next to each other in the dining room . I hope you are enjoying the nice fall weather . It is so beautiful out , weather wise , compared to what it was a month ago . I am so glad to see October . It is a happy month in this house , even though I don 't really like Halloween . Don 't know why , just don 't like it as much as Christmas . Love the Christmas season , simply love every bit of it , even the annoying shoppers can 't get me down ! I will begin to purchase Christmas presents this month so I will have enough money to pay for the presents . If I don 't start now , then no one will get anything . I don 't know what to get Mom because she is in such bad condition , there is a new Tinkerbell movie out and she loves Tinkerbell , so maybe that . We 'll see ! The pelvic pain has been cured , well , sort of since it still hurts , but not as bad as it did . It turned out to be an abscess on me . It was very painful to do anything , and well , Wednesday did it for me . After practically crying most of the day from the pain , I went to the ER . Now I felt rather weird about this because it wasn 't truly an emergency and that is what emergency room means . However , it turned out to be the best thing because the ultrasound wouldn 't have picked it up . It would have missed it all . So , I would still be in pain and not knowing what was wrong . They pricked and drained it . Supposedly they numbed the area . Okay , but it still hurt and I was petrified . Simply scared to death . I am supposed to sit and soak everyday 3 to 4 times a day but I have to get the sit bath basin to do it . I will be getting that this afternoon . Somehow I have to keep that area completely clean , a challenge but with the soakings that should help . The doctor did say I would ache like crazy yesterday but today would be better and it is . Not good enough for me , but better . I hope it is even better tomorrow because , quite frankly , 2 weeks of this torture is enough . I did learn that had I had this diagnosed earlier , like last week , I could have saved myself not only some pain , but they could have given me medicine and it would have drained itself . But no , I was embarrassed and upset and look what happened . The old hospital bed is gone and the new one is in its place . I still don 't like the idea of Mom down here away from me at night , but she is so weak now . She had a really hard time walking this morning and we have to go to the store . ( I am waiting to see if the girl down the street can come and stay with her for a few while I go ) She nearly fell 2 times walking to the bathroom on this level . It is a further walk in the morning for her and the bathroom is smaller but what can we do ? I can 't afford to bust out a wall and make it a good size bathroom . In this new bed she only needs one pillow as her head was completely off the pillows when I came down this morning . Not a good thing for her . I guess the pillows were too high . I also think they aren 't her pillows but I can 't find hers . It is really upsetting me but what can I do ? I can 't find them . Maybe they just look different on this bed . I am going to wait another 1 / 2 hour and then we are going to have to go to the store . I need to soak today with this basin . Not that I want to , but I have to . I need to keep the area clean . So far , it has been a pretty good day overall . Mom had her bath and now she looks nice and spiffy . Although she looks very tired and weak . She had about 1 / 4 of a Ensure yesterday and that was it . So far today she has drank 1 / 2 of one . I am trying to get 2 down her today plus some chicken . I pray it works . I don 't need her going down farther . She is going down fast enough . My head is more sore than usual . Probably trying to recover from staying on a stretcher for the last day and a half . My back is better because it was really getting sore too from the same thing and well , I could only lay on my back because of the pain . I am a side sleeper . On my back I sometimes stop breathing and it also hurts it if I lay to long on it . I do hope the pain pills work for me . They wanted to give me vicodin at the hospital . I am allergic to vicodin , I told the doctor that I get really bad headaches from it and she still wanted to give me it . Why would I take something that makes my head hurt really bad ? I also am allergic to codeine . Another alternative was Tylenol 3 which has codeine in it . Where on earth was the doctor 's head ? I get bad headaches from each of them . I am not going to take them . Those were my only 2 options so I had to take no option . I simply refused to take either as they both make me ache more . I know there is more than that option available , just think a bit about it . Really , sometimes doctors make absolutely no sense . It is beautiful out and we will be heading out soon to get my basin . I think I will just go to the pharmacy right up the street instead of Walmart where we usually go . I hope you have beautiful weather too . I teach music and sewing to the most amazing kids in the world . I like to read and do crafts in my spare time . I also love reading blogs about other peoples life . I hope you enjoy reading mine . I also have fibromyalgia and arthritis . |
Posted by docp226 on November 4 , 2013 I heard a song earlier today , The House that Built Me , and it desperately made me want to visit my childhood home . I thought that the least I could do was ask so I wrote this letter to the current resident of the home I grew up in . I also had this idea that it would be so cool to hear about other people 's experiences that did the same thing . I was fortunate that my childhood home was full of love and attention . Sometimes the attention came in the form of discipline I thought I could have lived without but it was good for me and shaped me into who I am today . If you haven 't visited your childhood home and this entry leads you to ask to do it , please , let me know how it went . i 'll keep you updated if I hear a response . Here is the letter I wrote to the people living in the House that Built Me . This may be the most bizarre letter you have ever received at your home . My name is David Barrera . I was born and raised in Andrews , TX . In fact , I was brought home from the hospital to your home and lived there until I left home after my graduation from high school . Like most 17 - year - old kids from Andrews , TX , I couldn 't wait to spread my wings and fly and get away from that small town . I literally left Andrews , TX the morning after my high school graduation and moved to Corpus Christi . That was in 1988 . I drove away and saw my parents standing in the front yard near the three trees that they had planted for each one of us ; my mother in tears and my father with a somber look on his face . I didn 't realize how difficult this was for them until I became a parent . I have three children now . My parents sold the house in 1991 and moved to Corpus Christi . Shortly after my parents moved to Corpus Christi , I moved to Houston . I remember when my parents got to Corpus Christi , my mother was very depressed . She cried for several days because she missed the home that she had raised me and my two older siblings in . I know the house has changed but I remember my brother and I helping my dad as he built on to the back of the house . As a child , my brother and shared the bedroom at the end and to the left of the hallway . My parents bedroom was right across the hallway , the one with the bathroom in it . My sister 's bedroom was right across from the hallway bathroom , close to the living room . The layout of the house may be very different now , I don 't know . As we got older , my father built a playroom at the back of the house . He had a small study attached to the playroom and there was a small bedroom at the very back of the house with a door that led to the back yard . That little room with the bathroom in it became my brothers room and later , that playroom became my parents master bedroom and my brothers little room became their walk in closet / bathroom . I could go on and on describing the house the way it was back then . I did not go back to Andrews until July 2010 . I still have some friends there that I connected with on Facebook and I went to see them and to see the little town that I had left behind back in 1988 . I walked through the neighborhood , stopped and visited Mrs . Clark , next door to your house , and Billie Jones , catty - corner from your house . While I was at Billie Jones ' house , I told her that I would have loved to see the house but I didn 't have the nerve to ask to walk through . I thought it would have been inappropriate . I 'm a therapist in Corpus Christi now . After I left Houston , I moved back to Corpus Christi with my wife and children . Today , I was driving back to Corpus Christi from visiting two families in Laredo . I do assessments of people 's homes that are adopting children . As I was driving a song came on the radio called " The House that Built Me . " I got emotional when I heard this song and I remembered standing in front of your house , taking a picture , and remembering playing in the front yard . I so wanted to knock on the door and ask to see the house but I kept walking . Here is the picture I took . I was sad to see that the big mulberry tree in the back was gone but I was happy to see that the house was kept up . It looks like a really nice house and I 'm thinking that if the walls could talk , they 'd say that a happy family was raised in this house and that there are many happy memories stored in those walls . The hallway in your house has heard hours upon hours of children 's laughter when me and my siblings would pile pillows on top of each other and take a running leap to plunge down on each other . For some weird reason , we called this game , " Mr . Bambino " . That hallway also was our entry way to the dining room whenever we came out with our hair messed up or pillows stuffed up our shirts as we surprised our parents and their friends / relatives at the dinner table with whatever comedic acts we had planned . The living room is full of memories of Christmas gifts being opened with surprised faces seeing toys or disappointed faces seeing shirts and socks . We spent tons of time in the playroom , challenging friends to ping pong and my father used to have his orchestra concerts in the back yard . He was the orchestra teacher for all the schools . My mother spent much of her time in her sewing room that was just behind the den and I remember peaking in on my dad having his bible studies in his office by the playroom . We were a dog family and my dad had two weimeraners when we were growing up . Maggie and Fonzie . We later got two muts ; Sylvester and Stallone . Those dogs would get out and we 'd be walking up and down the street , yelling , " SYLVESTER ! ! ! STALLONEY ! ! ! " . I 'm sure people thought we were crazy at first . We spent a lot of time on your front porch , waiting for the rain to stop so we could continue playing . My sister played jacks on your front porch and I played with hotwheels there and dug up doodle - bugs under the shrubs just to the left of the front door . It was a wonderful place to grow up . It was a good neighborhood and it looks like it still is . We were constantly outside with all of the neighborhood kids and we played in the neighbors yards as much as played in our own . I have my 25th reunion coming up in xxxx . I would like to ask you a favor . I apologize because I know it may be overstepping some boundaries but I have to ask . It would be So greatly appreciated if I can come and see the house that I grew up in . I 'm 43 years old now . I have been shaped by my childhood experiences in your house . I now know what my mother went through back in 1991 . My family has so many good memories in your house . A marriage got stronger and three children learned life 's important lessons from parents that loved them in your house . My father is 80 now . My mother is 76 . They are still going strong . I completely understand if you don 't feel comfortable allowing a total stranger into your house . My wife and I will be coming to Andrews in xxxx and it would mean a great deal to me if I could spend 5 or 10 minutes walking through your home . It was the House that Built Me … . and my brother and sister . Please feel free to ignore this letter if you don 't feel comfortable with this request . If you do feel comfortable , I will be coming into town on xx / xx and will be leaving on xx / xx . My phone number is 361 - xxx - xxxx . My email is xxxxxxx @ hotmail . com . If you feel comfortable allowing me and my wife into your home for a brief time , it would mean the world to me . Thanks and God Bless . Posted by docp226 on December 11 , 2012 I lost my dog Morgan about a month and a half ago . He was a homeless puppy when I first found him at the parking lot of the hospital where I work . He was dirty and afraid and I couldn 't believe that someone had left him to fend for himself . I took him home and he immediately became a part of the family . He woke me up every morning , wanting to play . When I got home from work , he wanted to play . He was awesome . I loved him . He had Parvo and I refused to let him suffer so I took him to the vet and put him to sleep . As I petted him and kissed his head and said my goodbye to him , I thought to myself how I would like to hospitalize him , hook him up to IV fluids , and pay whoever - however much it cost to make sure he came out of this but that just wasn 't reality . Not too long after Morgan 's passing , I went to see a client in a pretty crappy part of town . I went to the front door and knocked and no one answered . I knocked several more times and decided to wait 10 or 15 minutes . I was there to do a substance abuse assessment and I figured the client needed about 15 minutes to stir from her heroin induced slumber or possibly she had been doing meth for 3 days and was really , really , really sleepy now and had crashed and needed a few more minutes than the average person to put herself together . Either way , I waited . As I waited , I looked down at the end of the street and I noticed a medium sized , black , mangy dog . Normally , I would have not paid much attention to this dog but at that moment , I found myself just watching this dog . I noticed that it must have just had puppies and it was walking around all of the trash bins . When it came to a trash bin that was slightly open , it jumped up and using her nose , she pushed the lid the rest of the way open and started dragging trash out of this bin . She 'd pull some trash out and start using her paws and nose to go through the trash and a couple times , she 'd lick at a paper plate or a food wrapper . She kept going up and pulling out trash and going through these motions . The other thing I noticed was that cars were just driving by , much like what I would have done . They weren 't paying attention to this animal and I thought to myself , " If the owner of this house comes out , they 're gonna really be pissed that there 's trash all over the front of their house and who knows what he 'll do to this poor starving dog . " I knew the dog had puppies somewhere and needed nourishment to continue feeding her pups . I found myself upset at this neighborhood . I decided to not wait on the drug addict that I had planned on seeing and drove closer to this dog . The closer I got , the more I could see her ribs . She really was starving and I decided at that moment that I wasn 't going to watch this dog starve and scrounge for something to eat . I drove to the dollar store about 3 blocks away and purchased a bag of dog food . I went back and on one of the paper plates that the dog had been licking on , I poured a massive helping of dog food . I wished at that moment that I had a bowl for water but I didn 't . The dog watched me intently from a distance and as I drove away slowly , I noticed her walking up to the food and then starting to eat . I couldn 't take her home but I felt confident that she would have what she needed for the day . I now keep a bag of dog food in both of my vehicles and over the last two weeks , I 've fed 4 hungry dogs . I encourage everyone who reads this to stop at your local dollar store , spend a few bucks and throw some dog food into your trunk . If you 're like me , you can 't take that dog home but when you see a hungry dog , searching for food , you 'll remember that the food is there and you 'll stop and take care of that dog , at that moment . This is Morgan 's legacy . Posted by docp226 on August 10 , 2012 " I was born on Mexico Street which was an alley . There were some old apartments behind the alley off of Comanche . They were like shotgun sort of things . The inside of the house , I remember it very distinctly , it didn 't even have sheetrock . There were boards on the outside and you could see all the 2 x 4 's . My mother always kept it very clean . I remember that . I can remember putting up sheet dividers for the rooms . I had to be at least 3 or 4 years old . This was before we moved out to Retama . My godmother lived right next door . Her name was Petra . I remember her husband , Juan . His feet stunk horribly all the time ! It was powerful . I remember that . I remember that behind that place there was a big patio and there was a two story place and I remember we used to walk up the steps and see who could jump how many steps . There was a lot of neighborhood kids . " " I went to Oak Park Elementary and that 's where I started the violin class . The lady , the teacher , I remember her coming out to the house and talking to mom and dad about going to college with scholarships and encouraging and this sort of thing . I remember we were sitting out in the front yard . That 's where everybody sat . There were some chairs out there and all the neighbors would congregate there . There were flower beds all around the little bitty narrow lot that we were on . I 'm deeply indebted to Mrs . Gadkey , Anita Gadkey . She lived on Eunice drive across from Del Mar . She used to give me private lessons and we couldn 't afford it at all . She kept teaching me . We went to see her at the nursing home . When she met Robert she was coherent and everything else . She said , " When he starts violin , don 't let anybody teach him . Bring him to me . " There she was at the nursing home already . " " Every year after we went to contest she ( Mrs . Gadkey ) took us to breakfast at S . Bluff park . She cooked eggs and biscuits and everything . She took everyone . This was different for me because all we had was a taco every once in a while or just plain old beans . Here we were with bacon and everything else . That was a real highlight growing up . She always had cookies when we 'd go for private lessons . She 'd have cookies in the oven . " " She gave me a violin . She showed up with a Jusek , a Czeckoslovakian violin . We never paid her one penny for that or the lessons . I had that instrument until I was able to afford one , when I was in the Navy . She was very good to me . " " I started playing in the symphony in Corpus when I was a junior in high school . I graduated from high school the very first year it was Miller High School . I went to Del Mar and then went to U . T . in Austin on a full scholarship . Because of Angel Reyes , the Cuban violinist . He took me under his wing and gave me a full violin scholarship . I was working at the drop off and pick up laundry and they payed me . 50 cents an hour and I worked for 3 or 4 hours every afternoon , which was not enough to eat on . The dormitory where I was at was the old Army barracks right across the street from the stadium and I never went to one football game . I couldn 't afford it . I paid $ 45 a semester for the dormitory . Tuition was $ 45 dollars . I went to the loan office and got enough money to pay for the dormitory . I got into the Austin symphony and they paid me $ 25 a concert and that 's how I paid off the loans . " " There were several instrumental people in my path that helped me get to where I am now . If it hadn 't been for those people , it never would have happened . For example , the violin teacher , Mrs . Gadkey , then when I got to U . T . , Angel Reyes . I would have had to quit because I didn 't have any money . I would go two or three days without eating and your grandmother would give me $ 5 every now and then and I was determined to make it through . Then there was a Lieutenant Commander , Bill Gunther , in the Navy . He liked to play chamber music and when I was in the Navy in California , he actually came after me to take me to his house to meet his family and on the way out there , he said , " we 've already got your orders for you . " Everyone else in my company , guys with PhD 's and Master 's degree were put on ships out to sea . When Bill came out there , he told me , " you 're going to be flown to New York City and you 're going to be the violinist for the Admiral , the Navy representative at the U . N . " They would send a car out for us to play for his wife 's tea parties . There was a mansion way up on a hill and it would be snowing , covered white . He had a green house and it was gorgeous . We 'd be off in the corner with a grand piano playing . " Today is my father 's 80th birthday . Two days ago , we had dinner at my sister 's home . My sister has a very nice home here in Corpus Christi . We all have nice homes . Me , my brother in Denton , and my sister . My brother just finished building a new home . It 's beautiful as well . He and his wife are teachers . My sister and her husband are nurses . My sister is a nurse practitioner with her own clinic . I have a PhD and I make a decent living as well . My brother came into town with his wife and two beautiful girls and there we were at my sisters house with her and her husband and Emma , a future actress and tennis pro . My wife and kids were there . We are in the process of remodeling our kitchen . My oldest daughter is going to graduate this coming year and wants to be a pharmacist . My middle daughter talks about being a veterinarian and my youngest … he 's just a smart kid who 's not sure what he wants to do yet . He 's only in middle school . I 'm sure when the time comes , he 'll figure it all out . Back to dinner . Jeff , a good friend of my sisters , brought steaks for dinner from his family 's meat processing company and Robby , my brother - in - law 's son , cooked those filet 's up perfectly . We sat around and visited and laughed and then it came time for our meal . My father prayed before dinner and when he said these words , I got rather emotional and tears formed in my eyes . " Father in Heaven , thank you for giving me another year to be with my family . " The words are very poignant when your father turns 80 . He 's as healthy as can be and if you look at him , he doesn 't look 80 . I don 't see him as 80 . I see him as being just as strong and healthy as I remember him when I was a child . I looked around my sister 's home and considered how good we have it . I thought of the life my father and mother created for us through all their hard work . I thought to myself that we have never had to want for anything and how our children will have it much better than we did because of the struggles that my parents went through and the sacrifices they made . For my father 's birthday … I 'm thankful . Thankful to my father for his hard work . I am thankful to my mother as well . I 'm thankful for the instrumental people in my father 's life . I only named a few of them in the title but there are 100 more I 'm sure . I 'm thankful to Mrs . Gadkey for that free violin she gave to my father when he was a child . I 'm thankful for Angel Reyes for taking the time to see the talent my father nurtured . I 'm thankful to Mr . Gunther for whatever steps he took to arrange for my father to go to New York to play for the Admiral . I 'm thankful to my grandmother for the $ 5 dollars she could send to my dad when she could scrape it together and I imagine his level of discouragement , and even hunger , when he got that $ 5 in the mail and it kept him plugging along . I can 't begin to say how thankful I am to my father on his 80th birthday . I hope you have many , many , many more birthdays . But more than anything , I hope that when I 'm gone someday , I will have had as much of an impact on as many people as you have had and my children will look around and be thankful for your hard work because you were the turning point for the blessings , the education , and the comforts that we all experience on a daily basis . I don 't take it for granted . Posted by docp226 on January 15 , 2011 I 'm typically a very cynical person . I 've seen the worst of people in almost every situation but during those times that I 'm feeling exceedingly cynical and pessimistic , God taps me on the shoulder and shows me a person that is utterly amazing . Today I had one of these experiences . I was visiting with a family who is being considered as a placement for some relative children . I walked into a clean and orderly … and very modest home . As I 'm getting my computer out of it 's case and sitting down on what is clearly furniture that has been passed down at least one generation , I heard a radio playing in the back room . I looked to the woman sitting on a chair in front of me and was about to ask if there was someone else in the home and she told me her grandmother was staying with them . She had been staying with another family member in Central Texas somewhere but as a family they were taking turns having her in their homes so now it was her turn and the grandmother was going to be with them for the next six months . I started interviewing the couple and the radio continued in the back room . I asked the woman how old her grandmother was and I let her know that since she was living in the home I was going to have to interview her . She said that wouldn 't be a problem but I would probably have trouble understanding her because she had suffered a stroke several years back and her speech was mumbled . I told her , " not a problem , I 'll just say hello to her and ask her simple yes and no questions that she can shake her head to . " A few minutes later I heard a familiar tune come on the radio . This was one of those Oldies / Christian stations that plays instrumental music most of the time . The tune sounded very familiar and like a wave it hit me . I remembered the tune . It was a hymn that I hadn 't heard in years , " In the Garden . " Several years ago I heard a remake of this song by a country and western artist but it wasn 't this version that I remembered . It was the version that I heard as a child sitting in the pew at church . I continued with my interview and a few seconds later I heard what initially sounded like this soft mumbling sound of this old woman singing along with this old hymn . Within seconds that soft mumbling noise that this woman was making mixed with my memories and it sounded like an angel singing the words from that song as crisply and clearly as I remember my mother 's voice on Sunday morning . I remembered every word and as I typed the responses that were being given to me , I faded in and out of paying attention to the couple in front of me to the beautiful singing of this 93 year old woman in the back room . Here 's the words to the song : As the angel in the back room got halfway through the first verse , I told the couple that I needed to stop . I told them that this was a song I grew up with and the sound of their grandmother singing was distracting … but in a good way . I asked to meet her and we walked down the hallway . Her soft singing became a little louder as we walked up to the halfway closed door just at the moment that she came to the chorus , " And He walks with me and He talks with me . " The woman pushed the door open and said , " Grandmother , there 's a man here to meet you . " This 93 year old angel was sitting in her wheelchair and caught a little off guard she smiled in embarrassment . I told her , " Don 't be embarrassed , that 's the most beautiful song I 've ever heard and I 've never heard it sung more beautifully than I did just now . " She beamed a huge smile with the left side of her face as she said , " thank you . " What would have been an otherwise mumbled voice , I heard perfectly . The woman told her grandmother , " Grandmother , he 's got a few questions to ask you " and she nodded her head in agreement . I told her , " I don 't have any questions , I 'm going to finish my interview with your granddaughter and you can continue singing . " She lifted her left arm up letting me know that she wanted to give me a hug and as I bent over to allow her to hug me , she said , " God bless you and the work you do . " To me , at that moment , those words came out as clear as day . My eyes welled up a little and I told her , " It was such a pleasure meeting you . " I don 't know anything about this woman 's past . I don 't know where she 's been or anything about her life but I could tell that she had a heart of gold beating underneath that elderly shell . Her granddaughter told me that she had been nothing but a pleasure since she 'd been in the home and they didn 't expect that they would want to see her go but the other family members wanted to have their time with her . This wasn 't a woman that was being passed around between family members because she was a burden but she was a ray of sunshine that everyone in the family wanted to experience . The 93 year old woman in a wheelchair mumbling while she sings , " And He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me that I am His own . " Posted by docp226 on August 7 , 2010 It 's 1 : 20 in the morning . Tomorrow I go back to my old schedule . I 've been working nights for the past several months and it has taken a toll on me . I worked nights for years as a cop and again for years in the same psychiatric unit where I am now . I 'm not 22 years old anymore and my body clock is screaming at me telling me to stop abusing it . So , after being awake all night last night , sleeping until 2pm , waking up , seeing 4 clients in the afternoon , eating dinner with the wife and another couple , everyone in my house is asleep and I sit here , deep in introspection , needing to pass 30 or 40 minutes of time that I know it will take to convince my brain that it needs to start slowing down . An interesting thing happened tonight while we were at dinner . Everyone sat at their tables , conversing with family and friends . Waiters and restaurant staff went back and forth dealing with the hustle and bustle of a busy restaurant and in the middle of it all , a loud chime went out . It was a man at a table directly behind where we were sitting . He was tapping his glass with his knife . " I want to make a toast …… to my son . He leaves for Iraq this weekend . " He looks down at his son and says , " I love you son and I 'm proud of you . " A lump formed in my throat and my eyes welled up with tears . I looked at my wife and her eyes were watering . I wanted to get up and go over to this father and son , hug them both and tell them " Thank You . " Thank you to the son for serving his country and Thank you to the father for sharing that moment with us . We drift off at times , living in our own worlds , dealing with the problems of our own lives while Fathers and Mothers are telling their children good - bye like this on a regular basis . It helps to put things in perspective . My heart is heavy for this father right now and although I don 't know him , I 'll pray for his son and his safe return . Several years ago my son and I got into the habit of writing letters to one another . Of course , because I live on the computer , most of my notes were typed . He would write me stories and ask me what I thought . This is my encouragement to fathers … build those moments because eventually … they will be gone and we 'll have the memories . I wanted to share one of his stories and one of my letters to him . I 'll finish this entry with a toast to my father . I think you did a great job Dad . My son is a caring little boy with a good heart . I followed your lead and I try to do everything for him that you did with me . I 'm proud to be your son . Posted by docp226 on July 26 , 2010 I got in last night from a trip to my hometown of Andrews , TX . I hadn 't been there in about 20 years . I was able to visit with some old friends and friends of the family and it was a great time . As I expected , it was an emotional trip too . Last Friday I walked around my old neighborhood . No one was outside , it was a quiet neighborhood … just like I remember when I was growing up . I walked down 12th street , past Jaime Swift 's old house on my left and remembered playing in his backyard , digging ditches with his mother 's good spoons , I 'm sure she always appreciated wondering where her silverware was and his dad surely enjoyed finding all their stemware in the back yard every time he mowed the grass . I walked past the Jones house on the right at the end of the 1000 block and remembered the giant cave they dug in their back yard and the time Lance Jones pushed my sister Martha off the trampoline , smack into one of the big mulberry trees they still have . I cross the street onto my old block to the Moore house on the corner just across the street from the Jones ' . The pigeon cage they used to have in the back yard was gone . From what I heard , Dr . Moore , the town veterinarian , has passed away . He helped us get a blow dart out of our dog Sylvester 's head once . Some mean kid experienced some bad Karma over that I 'm sure . Mrs . Clark 's house is on the corner on the left . The front yard is surrounded by 2 foot high cinder block fence . They used to grow little green onions on the side of the house and we used to cook them over fires that we 'd start in the alley . One time , me and Erik Wilson almost burned down the whole alley way and if Mr . Clark hadn 't jumped his fence with the water hose , I 'm sure we 'd have burned down the whole block of back yard fences . Mr . Clark 's gone now too . From what I heard , he passed away one day after mowing the grass . He sat down on his recliner , fell asleep , and never woke up . Then came my house . It was a sad moment . There used to be three trees out in front of the house that my dad planted for each one of us . It was a red brick house with a big planter out front . If you looked at the front of the house you could see the giant mulberry tree in the back yard . There was a big tree house in that tree and underneath it was a sign that my mom had brought home from the dentist office where she used to work " The Bad Breath Club . " All that 's gone now . Whoever lives there painted the red brick and tore the planter down . I didn 't look into the back yard . It would have been too upsetting . It wasn 't run down , it just wasn 't the house I grew up in . I crossed the street and continued walking down the block that I remembered as such a big place . The block was five houses long and everything was so small . As I walked up the block , a little girl on a scooter pulled up behind me . " Am I in your way ? " I asked her and she pointed to the old Gregory house and said , " That 's my house . " Bud Gregory and his wife died in that house and the Guzman 's moved in when I was in 5th grade . No matter who you were , you were always welcome in the Guzman home . I wanted to take a picture of the house but didn 't feel comfortable with two kids and a family being out in front of it . I circled the block , walked by the Wilson 's old house . Next door to them was Mr . Criswell 's house . I looked up the street and the emotion flowed over me again as I saw Jack Horner Kindergarten on the left . I remembered the time me and my sister , Martha , planned on spending the night on the covered patio to teach my mother a lesson for making us walk home 8 blocks after fighting with each other in the car . We had our plan laid out when our big brother , Robert , pulled up on his little blue bicycle and said , " Mom knows ya 'll are here and she says , Come Home ! " Our plan had been foiled . I sat on the same little bench that I had been on 35 years ago and thought of how good life had been for the kids in that neighborhood . I remember sitting in a circle with a dozen other 5 year olds and reading Dick and Jane readers . The building is used for storage now . How good I had it and I didn 't have a clue how fortunate I was to grow up in a neighborhood where there were no worries and no concerns . We played tackle football around the fastest merry - go - round in the world . The field we played on behind the Jack Horner was huge at one time . Now it looked as small as my back yard . I picked up a few pine cones for my daughter to put together in her own little artistic way for the desk in my office . I walked around the Fetner 's old house and kept walking down 11th street and walked under a Mulberry tree , grabbing a leaf as I walked under . I took a picture and sent it to my sister with the message , " Remember when we used to put these under paper and color them ? " She sent me a message back telling me how she got emotional when I sent her that message and it 's funny how what seems to be the most insignificant thing can bring on a flood of memories . Later in the day I went to the Commercial State Bank with John Kraft . I looked across the street and noticed what used to be the La Hacienda Mexican restaurant that my parents opened . La Hacienda is a booming restaurant now . Back then , it was a place for me to play in the back underneath the big tree using the roots as bridges for my hot wheels . Afterwards , we drove around town for a bit . I had to drive by my Aunt Rose 's old house . It looks completely different too . Me and my sister spent countless hours laying around on her floor , going through her records and listening to Barry Manilow , The Pointer Sisters , Captain and Tenille , Doobie Brothers , Simon and Garfunkel , and many more . Many of these records I have found over the years and now my children laugh when I tell them we used to listen to this music all the time . We met Gilbert Peters in front of the Middle School . Our friendships started when we were small and they just got stronger as the years passed . When we got to Middle School and our personalities took shape , we didn 't grow apart as some kids do , we just got closer . From what I hear , this part of the middle school is used for storage too . My dad 's orchestra class took place in this building . Mr . Rose 's art class was the most fun I ever had in middle school and there 's still a wood sculpture of a tennis player that I did hanging in my son 's bedroom . We met up with Patty Guzman , Gilbert , and two of his workers at Buddy 's Drive Inn . We ran into Johnny Delgado there . We ate the famous Buddy 's steakfingers and they tasted just like I remembered . We talked and laughed and started our weekend of sitting around together and telling old stories . You can see on the sign that this place has been around since 1969 … . . that 's right around the time me and my friends were born so this place was part of our worlds for as long as we can remember . Everyone went their separate ways until later in the evening when we would get together again at Gilbert 's house . It was funny because Gilbert asked , " What are ya 'll doin ' tonight ? " and I said , " Coming to your house for dinner . " It was me , Gilbert , John , Brian Jeffcoats , Patty Guzman , and Mark Bairrington joined us . He brought his two kids and we sat around again for hours joking and laughing . It was 2am before we decided to end the conversation and turn in for the night . It 's been a long time since I 've had the desire to stay out that late . The next day , we met up at Cassidy 's sub shop . This place wasn 't around when I was growing up in Andrews . I visited with Stephanie Tonroy on the front porch and Steve Smith and his family walked up . Steve got upset that Brian didn 't call him the night before but he quickly forgave him and we picked up where we left off the night before … poking fun at folks , remembering things and trying to forget some of the things we did . Thanks for reminding us of all those things Gilbert 🙂 Stephanie made the astute observation that when we were all in middle school we walked around the lockers like a bunch of psychiatric patients and again we laughed until our bellies ached . After lunch , Stephanie took off and us guys piled into one car and drove around town talked about all the things we remembered that happened in different parts of town . Everyone had a little story for every other block that we drove by . I laughed so hard a couple times that I got light headed . We went to the high school and walked around , took a picture together in the Dome and the laughs continued . This was the dome where we spent a majority of our time between classes . It was the social meeting ground and everyone milled around up until the very last second before the bell rang . I took pictures of the new sports facility and thought to myself , " these kids have no idea how good they have it . " We parted ways again with the plan of getting together again at Victor Guzman 's mother 's house . I went back to my hotel room , showered , and ran by the Tucker 's house . Mrs . Tucker opened the front door and looked at me , not knowing who I was . I said , " Mrs . Tucker … I 'm David Barrera . " Her eyes widened , her hands went up and she said , " David Barrera ! Get over here and let me hug your neck ! " She hugged me and said , " Get in this house ! " We sat down on the bar in their kitchen and caught up . Mr . Tucker went to his room and came out with a metal sculpture that my dad made for him years ago . " You have to tell your Daddy that I still have this . " I think I heard them say " We just love your family " or " We just love your parents to death " about a dozen times while I sat in that kitchen . They got upset with me for staying at a hotel and invited me and my family to come back and stay with them . I hugged them both and it felt like hugs from another set of parents . Victor was flying in from Tennessee and Patty and his mother had been cooking all day in preparation for everyone coming over . As usual , we sat around , told stories , and joked and laughed . It was great to see Patrick , Victor , and Patty again after all these years . Mrs . Guzman is still one of the sweetest ladies I know . Mr . Guzman already passed away and I missed him … . I can only imagine how much his family misses him . I sat with Victor and he told me , " You have no idea how hard I looked for you in Houston one time . " It meant a lot to me knowing that an old friend went to a city of three and a half million people and looked for me . We drove a few blocks to a block party close to the middle school and walked around . The city was having a celebration and we walked around , gave the kids time to run around and we visited some more . Everyone decided to take off for the night and we said our goodbyes to Victor , Patty , and Patrick . We made sure we had each other 's phone numbers and we promised to stay in touch . Patrick and Patty hugged me at the same time and it was just like I was talking to my own brother and sister when I said , " I love you guys . " The next day I slept late and met Gilbert and John for lunch at La Hacienda . It 's grown over the years but the quality of the food is nothing compared to when Jess and Halya Barrera ( my wonderful parents ) ran the place . We spent another hour and a half of joking and laughing and we knew our time was short . I was going to meet up with Troy Yarbrough after lunch , run around town and visit some folks and then head back to Corpus Christi . It was a weekend filled with hugs and folks telling each other " I love you " and " I 've missed you . " My parting with John and Gilbert was no different . Gilbert said , " I never really knew how much I missed people until this weekend . " I drove out to Troy 's shop and Stephanie Tonroy came out and visited with us for a little bit . Troy 's wife Kim showed up and when I wanted to take pictures they both refused because neither had make - up on . Stephanie took off and me , Troy and his son , Taylor headed out to see folks . We started off at the Gilliam 's house . We pulled up and Mr . Gilliam walked out the front door . " Hey Troy … . who you got with ya ? " I said , " Hello Mr . Gilliam , I 'm David Barrera . " Again … just like at the Tucker 's house , his arms went up around my neck and he hugged me and said , " Get inside this house . " Mrs . Gilliam walked out of the back room and I walked over to her and she looked at me not quite knowing who I was . I said , " I 'm David Barrera . " She hugged me and said , " Oh My Goodness . " We sat in the living room and visited for about 40 minutes . Mr . Gilliam said , " I 've missed you kids . There 's never been a group like you and there 'll never be a group like you in the future . " We all played tennis together and just like most parents at sporting events , the Gilliams were a permanent fixture at the tennis tournaments . Mr . Gilliam would stand behind the windscreens and cheer you on whether you were his kid or not . Shanna Gilliam and my sister were State champions and I 'd like to say what drove them was not only their hard work but the people cheering them on behind the wind screens , folks like Mr . and Mrs . Gilliam . From there we went to Mrs . Clark 's house . I 'd already walked by there two days earlier and now I was knocking on the front door . Mrs . Clark opened the front door and said , " Can I help you ? " " Mrs . Clark , I 'm David Barrera . " Same response , a hug and an invite into the front living room . Mrs . Clark took care of me when I was in kindergarten . Her and my mother were back and forth comparing crafts and I still remember the macrame baskets hanging around her house . Mrs . Clark said , " your mom told me that you liked coming over here because I would let you crumble crackers in your soup . " We crossed the street and we went to the Jones ' house . Billie Jones answered the door and invited me and Troy in without knowing who we were . There 's things that people do in a small town that you would never imagine doing in a big city . Even then , it 's dangerous . I introduced myself again and Mrs . Jones said , " I was inviting you in and I had no idea who you were " as she gave me a big hug . We visited and talked about all the good times all of us kids had running around the neighborhood . She talked about the big cave her boys dug in the back yard and I reminded her about the warped tree house we all put together and about the concrete bike ramp we built behind her house . As I was leaving , she told me to tell my parents that she 's at the same address and she wants to send them a Christmas card . She was showing me her fish pond as her two grandsons ( Lance 's boys ) climbed out the window into the back yard . We went back to Troy 's and he showed me his work of art kitchen and then I drove him and his boy back to his shop . I got out of the car and gave him a hug and we talked about a future vacation together and the possibility of him and his family coming to visit us in Corpus Christi . As I drove toward Odessa , I looked and saw Andrews in my rear view mirror . I couldn 't wait to get out of that little town when I was 18 and after 22 years of being gone part of me wanted to stay . I didn 't get to see everyone I wanted to see but I 'm sure i 'll be back . The people are special in that little town . The friends I made there as a child will be my friends forever . We 're doctors , lawyers , supervisors , electricians , soldiers , business owners , nurses , police officers , and school teachers . We 've been to war . We 've crossed oceans and continents . We 've lost close friends and family members . We 've made a good living and lost everything … just to climb back up and do it all again . We 've survived cancer and illness and some have lost those battles . As police officers and soldiers we 've taken lives and we 've saved lives and we 've survived the trauma that comes with the realities of life . We 've raised family 's and some of us even have grandchildren already but when we come back to Andrews , Texas we walk through the neighborhoods where we grew up and we go back in time to a place where we had the best childhood anyone could have asked for . We sit down across the table from each other and as my good friend John Kraft said , " we pick up our conversations like we just saw each other yesterday . " We look different , some more than others but ( from the words of Gilbert Peters ) , " They can look in your eyes and you 're the same person everyone remembers . " |
By T . L . Lady I allowed him back to the house to pack his belongings . He explained that the woman was a tenant at the apartment complex he worked at ; he said she had been there for him and he could talk to her ; that she listened to him . She was there for him when he was so worried about me during my seizures . " Just this week , I swear Tess . I never wanted to do this to you ? " He had started crying . I hated it when he cried . He came over to the bed where I sat and got down on his knees . He placed both of his hands on mine and looked up at me , tears in his eyes , " I swear baby ; I will never , ever do anything like this again . Please , can 't we work this out ? " " What ? " he looked confused . My laughing was not the reaction he expected . I just shook my head smiling and started to cry , but still laughing at the same time . " You don 't know ? Well , that 's just wonderful . Let me ask you this ? Did you get to pull out your little boxes of surprises ? " I was getting cocky now , " You know , those little toys you are so fond of ? " " Don 't ! " I stood up to release his arm , " Don 't act concerned about me ! You gave up that right to care about me when you decided to be with her ! " The tears were hot on my cheeks now , " What 's her name Davey ? " The prison fight was all over the news . Two wounded and four dead . Both wounded were security guards , one security officer died as well as three prisoners . One of the prisoners dead was identified as Nickolas James Bloom . I sat in Kip and Fannie 's living room watching the television in complete shock . They had found out earlier that morning when a police officer and the prison warden showed up on their doorstep . As soon as they left , Kip called me at the school ; he wanted to make sure that I got Addison home before the news spread . I told Clara what had happened and pulled Addy out of her classroom . " Oh goody ! Dawda always gives me quarters when I go to their house ! " I felt horrible , in just a little bit we had to tell my sweet baby her daddy was dead . Granted she didn 't know him well , but she knew he was her father . We never spoke ill of him and when she asked why he was in jail , we would tell her that he just made a bad decision and broke the law . We were lucky that she never asked more than that . I worried that the children at school would start asking her about her dad and be cruel in some way . I felt blessed that hadn 't been as issue . Now Addison would be known as the girl whose daddy died , not the girl whose daddy was in prison . " I 'm glad you 're here Tess , " Kip met us at the door and gave me a hug , " have you said anything to her yet ? " He whispered in my ear . I shook my head no . I held Addy 's hand and we walked into the living room were Fannie sat on the couch dabbing her eyes with a tissue . When she saw us , she began crying harder and opened her arms to Addison . " Do you remember how Pastor Glen told us how we would find riches in Heaven someday ? " Kip 's voice was even and soothing , very calm for a man who just lost his only child . Addison nodded again , " Do you know when people go to Heaven ? " " Yes , people go to Heaven when they get sick and die , " she answered matter - of - factly , " like when Mommy 's grandma died . She got sick and went to the hospital . She fell asleep and didn 't wake up . " " Yeah , like when my friend 's uncle was in a car accident . She said he died , but she said he had been drinking and that is why he crashed his car into a tree , " Addison looked thoughtful for a moment , " do you think that he went to Heaven ? I mean , drinking and driving is wrong and Pastor Glen said that good people go to Heaven . " Kip let out a nervous laugh ; I started to worry that he wouldn 't be able to continue on . " Well , I hope so . I think so . I would like to think that God knows people make mistakes and He would forgive us of the wrong things we do , don 't you ? " " Yeah , I think God is a really good person . Dawda , your eyes are leaking , " she reached up and placed her little hand on his cheek . This was his breaking point and he hung his head . I quickly left my chair and went to my knees on the floor in front of them . " No , no , no . Not Mamaw or Papaw , " my hand went to her face in an attempt to ease her worry , " Addy … Addison . " Fannie let out a pained sob that startled Addison so much that tears formed in her eyes . I had to get this over with . She was starting to panic and I was beginning to choke , " Addison , Daddy died last night . " The Bloom 's house was bustling with mourners that day of Nicky 's funeral . All of Nicky 's family was in attendance , the Bloom 's closest friends and members of the country club , several of Nicky 's friends and teachers from his high school . I felt odd being there , but Kip and Addison both insisted I be there . My parents came briefly to pay their respects to Kip and Fannie , so I dutifully came as well . The entire day , Addison only let go of my hand to hold Kip 's hand . Fannie was no comfort to her at all ; she was completely wrapped up in her own grief . I felt sorry for her , I didn 't blame her . I couldn 't imagine what it would feel like to lose my only child . The thought of losing Addy made my stomach ache and I had to shake my head to quickly push that horrible thought away . Davey called the night before , after seeing the news and asked how Addy was . He had been staying with his parents and he knew this was not the time to ask to come home . I was actually missing him and we talked on the phone for over an hour . I wasn 't ready to forgive him , but I was willing to talk . I didn 't want to be divorced twice in eight years . So I was relieved to see Davey walk in the Bloom 's front door as I talked to Fannie 's niece , Grace . I excused myself and walked over to him . He reached down and pulled me into a tight hug and then reached down and picked Addison up into his arms . " I 'm rather exhausted actually . I feel so odd being here , " I looked around the room at all the people milling around in black , talking in hushed tones , eating from the buffet table the Bloom 's service staff had prepared , " but Kip insisted . Said Addison needed me here . " When I looked up I noticed that a woman with very blond hair had walked in the front door ; she stuck out like a sore thumb . Surrounded by people in dark funeral attire , this woman wore a lavender dress with white high heels and large white earrings . She made her way through the sea of black jackets and dresses until she was in full view of Davey and me . That is when I recognized who it was . Hope . " Who is that ? " he asked watching her make her way towards Fannie . That 's when I saw the young boy she was pulling behind her . He was probably around six or seven years old and was dressed in tiny suit . Hope approached Fannie , who stood up as soon as she saw the blond and the little boy . Fannie didn 't look pleased to see Hope and though I couldn 't hear what was being said , it didn 't appear to be friendly conversation . Kip quickly approached the scene and the volume of the conversation was getting louder , but only on Hope 's end . Kip leaned in to calm her and took her by the elbow , leading her and the little boy into the kitchen . I wished I was a fly on the wall ; I wanted to know what was going on . But it was apparent that approaching Fannie was a horrible idea , her friend Francis was now sitting with her on the couch comforting her as Fannie held a tissue to her eyes . Addison came running up to me . " Addy , can you stay with Davey for just a few moments , so Mommy can go do something really quick ? " Addy nodded and I headed towards the kitchen . As I approached the double swinging doors , several staff came rushing out without trays or pitchers . They looked upset and I pushed my way through the double doors . " I know you set up a fund for her little brat ; and I know that she is getting Nicky 's life insurance policy . I checked with my lawyers and N . J . here has a right to it just the same as her ! " the woman was standing next to the counter , pointing her finger at Kip . The little boy was sitting at the table eating a cracker and oblivious to the volume that Hope was speaking to Kip . " How dare you walk into my house making demands ? How do I even know that this child belongs to Nicky ? Why are we just now hearing about this ? " They had no idea I was standing in the doorway . I was beginning to understand what was going on . " Are you saying this little boy is Nicky 's ? " I asked . The both stopped yelling and looked at me . I stared at the little boy trying to see Nicky in his features . I walked over to the table and sat down across from him . Neither Hope nor Kip made any attempt to move . The little boy continued to nibble on crackers but looked up at me . His hair was blond , almost white . He did look a lot like Addison , including the light blue eyes that she inherited from Nicky . He had the same dimple in the middle of his chin that Nicky had , and a cow lick at the top of his forehead that looked similar to the million pictures that Fannie had of an elementary age Nicky . " Nickolas . But my friends call me N . J . " N . J . Nickolas , Jr . He reached into the plastic container and pulled out another cracker . " And this is your mommy , right ? Where is your daddy ? " I reached for a cracker , but didn 't eat it . I just turned it over and over between my fingers . Touching Trees by T L Lady is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - NonCommercial - NoDerivs 3 . 0 Unported License . Based on a work at https : / / touchingtrees . wordpress . com . wouldn 't have her . So I stayed , I would make it to the year if it killed me . And it just might . This is a work of fiction . Names , characters , businesses , places , events and incidents are either the products of the author 's imagination or used in a fictitious manner . Any resemblance to actual persons , living or dead , or actual events is purely coincidental . " Hey babe , didn 't you open this last night ? I found it on the kitchen counter . " I didn 't look at him but I continued applying my mascara . " Nope , " I wasn 't sure exactly how to handle this . Didn 't I deserve something more romantic ? Was I asking too much ? Davey knew my history with Nicky ; didn 't he understand how important this would have been to me ? I was wishing at this moment that it had just been a pair of earrings . I gently pulled free from his grip and walked over to the linen closet and pulled out a clean towel . I washed my hands , dried them and after I hung the towel on the towel rack , I turned to him with a look of exasperation . I shook my head , walked in the bedroom and sat on the corner of the bed . Davey followed with the gift bag and sat down next to me . " Yes , Davey , I opened it . Then I put it back . " I wasn 't sure if I should be mad or not , and I certainly didn 't want to fight him if I was , especially over something that should have been a romantic gift . We had never really had an argument ; the only thing that we ever had a truly heated conversation about was his son Justin . Not really about Justin , but about his mother , Janie who would consistently send Justin to us filthy and practically starving . Justin would behave like a wild animal at the dinner table standing on his chair and reaching for food with his bare hands . It was almost as if he was grabbing for food before anyone else could ; it was if he believed that if he didn 't grab for his share right then he would go hungry . Davey explained that Justin 's mother usually chose buying cigarettes over groceries . That left her with buying cheap macaroni and cheese and hot dogs . That kind of meal didn 't go far between five children , Justin had four additional half brothers and sister at home , all from different fathers . Justin would grab for food not even caring what he was grabbing for and then complain he didn 't like what he had . He wasn 't used to eating nutritious food and was always requesting items such as ice cream and chips for supper . Addison would complain to me that Justin 's mom let him eat ice cream for supper and began turning away food that she had always loved before . It was becoming a common weekend occurrence this battle over meals . We couldn 't even take him to a restaurant , where he didn 't crawl under tables and scream that he didn 't like what his father ordered for him . At home Davey began having Justin sit at the table in front of his dinner until he at least tried what was in front of him . He was stubborn and many evening sat there until bedtime with his arms crossed and his lip puckered out , refusing to eat . " Babe , I 'm sorry . I mean we 've talked about it so much , like we had it already decided . I didn 't think you wanted something silly like me getting down on one knee , " he didn 't even seem to notice that this was important to me . We had talked about it , it was assumed , but woman like romance , I like romance . I was beginning to think I was over reacting , but then decided I deserved the romance . Maybe I am just being silly ? I mean , we have been talking about marriage practically since we started dating . Davey just wasn 't the romantic minded type and I knew that from the beginning . This shouldn 't surprise me , he was simple and he was good me . I wasn 't giving him enough credit . As I drove Addison and myself to the school that morning those thoughts ran through my mind over and over . I kept making excuses for Davey and telling myself to not expect so much of people . I got Addy dropped off at her classroom and headed towards the music room . After I left the store I was able to be a stay - at - home mom thanks to Kip . He thought it was important that Addison have me around full - time since she was going to be raised in a one - parent home . They had already purchased the house for Nicky and I when we were married ; I had the car that Paula and my mom bought me and the Grand Am . Fannie never understood why Kip wanted to help me and they had many fights over Kip 's insistence on helping to raise Addison . He had to remind her that I was the mother of their only grandchild and he said Addison deserved the best . After Addison started school I needed something to do , so I took a teacher 's aide position with the school 's music department . My job was to help Mrs . Jewel with anything she needed , from grading papers , to keeping the students in order during practice sessions . Mrs . Jewel had turned the school 's music department into a national award winning show choir . Every school knew how good our students were and dreaded when they had to face them in competition . Mrs . Jewel 's responsibilities grew every day and I was there to make her life a little easier . " How are you today Tess ? " Clara Jewel came into her office shuffling music sheets around , her glasses propped at the end of her nose . Every student loved her and every graduate that had ever had her as a teacher always came back just to see her . She loved them all like her own . " I am good . How are you ? " I scrolled through the computer spread sheet double checking the number of deposits made by parents for the upcoming choral competition . " Listen , I can 't tell if you are happy about this or not . Do you want to be married ? " She took her glasses off , sat them on her desk then leaned back in her chair . " Well sure . I mean we get along great , he 's good with Addison . I really love him and I 'm not getting any younger ; I would like to have another baby before the gap between a baby and Addy gets too big . " " A baby ? You want another baby ? " Clara smiled at this . She and her husband never had children and I liked to think this is why she had so much love for her students . They were her substitute children . I smiled to myself at the thought of another baby . I had never wanted another one with Nicky , but the older Addy got the more I thought about it . It seemed I always saw pregnant women or couples with new babies everywhere we went , I couldn 't seem to escape it . It totally made my biological clock tick louder and louder . Davey came into the kitchen as I was cooking dinner . He walked over and kissed my offered check . I purposely kept my hands busy so he would have to look for the ring . He just smiled at me and grabbed my left hand to inspect my ring finger . The diamond clad band glinted back at him and he looked pleased . " So this is a ' yes ' ? " He wrapped his arms around me and smiled . I smiled a small smile and started to say something but hesitated . His smiled faded too , " What ? You 're wearing the ring right ? So that means yes , right ? " " I want a baby . " His smile faded . He stared down at the table still holding my hand and running his finger over the ring . What was he thinking ? I hated his silence . " Yeah , not right away of course . I mean I want to enjoy being married to you for a while at least … wait that came out wrong . What I mean to say is I want another baby before the gap gets too big between a baby and Addy . Maybe start planning on it by the end of the year . " I looked at him hopefully . He continued to stare at the ring , but he had let go of my hand . He stood up and walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a can of soda . After he opened it he leaned against the island and took a drink . " A baby . You want to have a baby with me ? " I was wondering if this was a good idea , " This is what you want ? For me to say we 'll have a baby . Then you will agree to marry me ? " " That 's only a month away . " That was sooner than I had expected . I married Nicky too soon and I had hoped for a longer engagement with Davey . But then again , I was asking for a baby right away and being married before I had a baby would probably not be a bad idea , " I can agree to that , but nothing fancy . Actually , how about we just go to the court house ? " We stood in front of the county clerk and were married Friday , October 8th . Davey 's best friend Caleb stood up with him and my friend Lorene stood up with me . I borrowed Lorene 's bouquet from her wedding and I wore a simple blue flowered dress with a light blue vest ; Davey wore a brown and tan striped button up shirt and dark slacks . We decided that going on a honeymoon was not convenient at the time , the kids were still in school and neither of us was in a place to take off from work . We scheduled our reception for the weekend after we were married and themed it around the season , an autumn cookout . All of our friends and relatives came , bringing lots of food and their camp chairs . We built a huge bonfire and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows . Davey 's dad , Carl , hooked a trailer to his tractor and we took the kids on a hayride around the neighborhood . The kids played Frisbee and tag and the adults started a lively Euchre tournament ; everyone was enjoying themselves so much that the last of the guest didn 't leave until after 2 a . m . Addy and Justin had fallen asleep in lawn chairs around 11 p . m . and Davey carried them in and put them to bed in their clothes . We both agreed that the evening had gone very well and we discussed having another cookout before it got too cold outside to enjoy the cool fall weather . Carl picked his favorite steak house to have dinner at and we sat in the center of the restaurant surrounded by other families enjoying a Saturday night out . The walls were covered in western themed décor and with the holiday season in full gear , red and green garland and white lights were mixed in . It was rustic and charming , and very loud . Carl and Addison had really taken to one another and she insisted on sitting next to her " Poppy Carl " . The chatter across the table was animated with the two girls talking Barbie dolls and all three kids were arguing about who was going to get the best gift from Santa this year . Jeanne complained to Carl that he had gotten steak sauce on his new shirt and Rachel who was rocking baby Jacob asked Davey when we were planning on having a baby of our own . Davey laughed louder than necessary . " Never ? Oh come on Dave you don 't want just one more ? " Josh leaned over and kissed the top of his new born son 's head . I wiped my mouth with my napkin and asked to be excused . I weaved my way through the waitresses taking orders , bus boys clearing tables and people looking for empty seats . I was heading for the restrooms and prayed that no one would be there when I finally reached it . I stood in front of the mirror trying to will the tears from escaping my eyes . How could I have been so stupid to believe that any man could ever keep a promise ? I only had one condition to marrying him and he had no intentions of keeping it . I mean seriously ? I could have put a ton of conditions with that proposal . My mind was racing and I was counting on my hands all of the things about Davey that really ticked me off . The door to the restroom opened and I quickly wiped my eyes . " No , " I checked my makeup in the mirror but it was too late . My face was red , my nose was running and my mascara was smeared . I wasn 't planning on saying anything but it just poured out and told her everything about the weak proposal , the stupid silver bag and the condition that I wanted a baby . She was very sympathetic and I thought she would stick up for her brother - in - law . I assumed since she had known him longer she would automatically be on his side . I hated that I felt there were sides at all . She reached over and hugged me which caused me to start crying all over again . I didn 't want to go back to the table and face everyone knowing that I had been crying and I didn 't want to have to explain what had caused my tears . I was so angry deep down and I was afraid that if I went back to the table I would have rip into their son , brother and father right in front of their eyes . I didn 't want to cause that kind of embarrassment for him or me . " Yeah , just a little tummy ache is all , " I looked back and smiled at both of the kids . Justin asked if his dad could turn the radio on . I didn 't look at Davey and he said nothing in return . He didn 't have to ask what had caused my sudden illness . It seemed from that day on I looked at him differently . Everything he did annoyed me . From the way he brushed his teeth to how he chewed his food . I would be mad at him if he fixed a sandwich and left bread crumbs on the counter . I would be upset if ate his dinner sitting at the coffee table in front of the television , which he was doing more often than not lately . I always wanted to have dinner at the table as a family , but he parked himself in front of the television from the time he got home until I went to bed . Then after I went to bed he would get online and play online poker . He didn 't use real money so I wasn 't concerned about his playing , but there would be times I would wake up at 3 a . m . and he would still be online . If I asked him if he was ready to come to bed , he would quickly turn the computer off and come to bed . As soon as he crawled in he would want to start messing around . When we were dating and when first got married the sex was amazing but lately it was a chore for me . I was still so upset by the whole baby issue and I felt like he was using my body just to get his rocks off . I just couldn 't bring myself to enjoy something I very much wanted to do with my husband . I was afraid to kiss or hug him , fearing it would bring on some sexual advance from him . He never forced himself on me the way that Nicky had , but I had to force myself to be with him some nights . I would be at the sink doing up a few dishes and he would come up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist . I thought , ' how sweet , ' and smiled at the romance of his hug . " What ? " I turned my head in his direction . He reached up and placed his hands over my breasts and started to caress them . I pushed them away with my soapy hands . " Jeez , Davey , " I couldn 't believe that he couldn 't even give me a hug without expecting to get laid right there in the kitchen . It wouldn 't be so bad if it wasn 't every single time he got near me . I loved sex the same as any woman , but I didn 't like to feel as though it was being forced on me . He was making it sound so dirty and his advances repulsed me . When he was home and not in front of the television , he was working on a project in the garage . Even when Justin was here for a visit he would head to the garage or out in the yard . If he was in front of the television and Justin tried to speak to him he would tell him to go play and never look away from the screen . Of course when it was time for bed he would head to the office and get on the computer . This became his normal routine . Four more months went by and it only seemed to get worse . He started bringing home black bags from the adult book store in town and suggested that we try something " new " every week . One night he would bring home a porn movie , another night it would be a tiny vibrator that he asked if he could use on me . " Did I hurt you ? " He seemed truly concerned , but I could tell his ego was severely bruised . Any man 's ego would be deflated if a woman cried every time they got near her with their penis . " No , sweetie , no . I don 't know what 's happening . I just get this feeling deep down here , " I said pressing into my stomach . It was the truth , the feeling did come from my stomach and it would work its way up into my throat until I couldn 't breathe and pushed out a steady stream of tears from my eyes . After the tears came , I had no control over any part of my body . I tried to assure him that it wasn 't him . But it was . The box in the bottom of his closet was the source of those tears . The box full of movies , toys and magazines was just too much for me to handle . But what truly pushed me over the edge was what I discovered on our computer . The week before Easter I took Addy to my mom 's to play after she got out of school . I decided to take advantage of the warming weather and went home to do some spring cleaning . While I was dusting the office I noticed the light to the computer was flashing , which meant that it hadn 't been shut down from the night before . I sat down in front of it and turned on the screen . What was in front of me were pictures of naked people in various sexual poses ; poses of women with men , women with women , two women and one man , two men and one woman , two men . As badly as I wanted to look away , I couldn 't . I saw the chat box at the bottom of the screen and scrolled at the conversation that was left unattended by my loving husband . This is a work of fiction . Names , characters , businesses , places , events and incidents are either the products of the author 's imagination or used in a fictitious manner . Any resemblance to actual persons , living or dead , or actual events is purely coincidental . After our girl 's night I became good friends with my neighbor 's sister Elena ; she was seven years older than me and she seemed to have her life so together . She was a larger woman too , but she had a confidence that I envied . She was married to a great guy named Mark who was my age and who I knew through mutual friends . He was an all around great guy and he was absolutely crazy about Elena . She had the most beautiful singing voice and I would tag along with her and Mark when she would sing Karaoke at different bars around town . They had their own special " song " and every time she got up and sang it Mark would get teary eyed . It wasn 't embarrassing ; you just knew that he loved her so much that the song moved him . It was just another way they told each other how important the other was to them . They had what I wanted . Teresa had gotten engaged a few months back and as Teresa 's maid of honor , Laura was responsible for throwing her a bachelorette party . The wedding was planned to take place in seven months and Teresa was fine with having a party , but wanted to have it well before the wedding ; not the night before . Teresa knew she liked to drink and she didn 't want to be hung over for her own wedding so at her request we would have the party a month before the actual wedding day . The night of the bachelorette party Elena came to my house to get ready . She sat on the bed as I put my makeup on . " Here , I brought a necklace over for you to wear . I thought it would look great with that black silk shirt you have hanging in your closet . " She pulled out a beautiful silver chain that had a blue sapphire hanging from it . " Oh , that is gorgeous , but Elena , I don 't wear that shirt very often . It 's too fancy for Jupiter 's anyway . " I held up a salmon colored t - shirt with Hawaiian flowers on it that said , " Spring Break ' 88 " . It was a size too big , but I preferred the bagginess of it . I felt more covered and my curves weren 't as noticeable . " Don 't be silly , " she said taking the t - shirt from me and hanging it back up in the closet . She reached over and grabbed the black silk shirt and removed if from the hanger , " Now here , put this on . Trust me . " I took the shirt from her and slid it on , buttoned up the front and turned to the mirror to inspect my reflection . " Here , " she handed me the necklace . I clasped it and stood back to admire the glimmer of the sapphire surrounded by faux diamonds , " Now have a seat . " She sat my dressing stool in front of the bathroom cabinet . I sat and she twisted my hair into a loose knot and clipped it into place . She took a teasing comb and fluffed the long curls that hung over the twist and sprayed them into place . " Ok , now let 's do your makeup , close your eyes please , " I sighed and closed my eyes allowing her to apply the mauve colored eye shadow . She had applied more than I would have , but the way she did was very appealing to my complexion . She applied eyeliner and mascara and then a little blush . She rummaged through her makeup bag and handed me a tube of lipstick . I never wore lipstick . I usually applied a pink lip gloss because my grandmother had always told me that men didn 't like women who wear lipstick . It was kind of funny when I thought about all the pictures of beautiful actresses in magazines who wore bright red lipstick and saw the gorgeous men who loved them . " Yeah , it 's gorgeous , huh ? And it will look great on your lips . You have the best lips . " She took the tube from me and applied some to her own lips ; she pressed her lips together with a smack . " You know some woman pay big bucks to get lips that look like yours . " She handed the tube back to me . I applied the lipstick carefully to my lips and looked at the reflection . For the first time in a long time I saw something I hadn 't in a very long time . I saw I was pretty . " Okay , so here 's the plan . We pick Teresa up at her house at 8 ; then we head over to Rachel 's house and meet Brad " Laura was talking and waving her hands around as she drove . She never took her eyes from the road , but she talked with her hands alternating one to the steering wheel while the other hand flailed around to make her point . " Wait . Who 's Brad ? " Elena asked . Sandy leaned up from the back seat as I answered Elena 's question . " Brad is a frat boy Teresa had a drunken one night stand with a few years ago . Total goober , kind of skuzzy , but a good guy nonetheless ; anyway , Laura ran into him the other night , told him Teresa was getting married . They came up with some plan for Brad to be the stripper tonight . " Everyone in the car wailed with laughter . We pulled in the adult book store parking lot and piled out . We purchased plenty of party supplies ; suckers , gummy candy , bubble gum , ring pops , and necklaces all shaped like penises . We bought Teresa a tiara with a cheesy mesh veil that hung off the back and a sash that said ' Bride - to - Be ' written in gold glitter . It was totally tacky but very cool . Sandy bought Teresa a purple dildo and some motion lotion she said they could use on their honeymoon . Laura grabbed a huge blow up man - doll . I was fairly sure that he would be going home with Laura at the end of the night and not Teresa . I purchased a Pleasure by Chance dice game where you rolled a pair of six - sided die . One die had a sentence that said something like ' Lick their ' , ' Kiss their ' , ' Touch their ' and the other die would complete the sentence with a single word like , ' lips ' , ' chest ' , or ' privates ' . You had to perform the sentences on your partner . I didn 't know if they would like it , but it looked interesting . It had been a long time since anyone had done any of that with me . We drove over to Rachel 's house first and decorated for the party . Rachel even made a cake in the shape of a penis complete with little chocolate sprinkles as the pubic hair , and I lauWe sat Teresa in a kitchen chair in the middle of Rachel 's living room and blind folded her . Teresa definitely looked nervous but played along like a good sport . " Guys , you heard Billy , he said no hot stripper guys " Teresa shifted in her seat when the song ' What a Man ' started playing from the stereo . " Oh , don 't worry . We didn 't get any hot stripper guys , " Laura laughed , " we can promise you that ! " Brad and Davey walked in the room and Davey took a seat over in the corner where Teresa wouldn 't see him after Brad removed her blindfold . Brad was dressed in a button down white dress shirt , white sports socks , blue under wear and black sunglasses . It was a very twisted version of Tom Cruise 's Risky Business dance scene . Brad began dancing and moved towards Teresa and started rubbing against her , she shrilled with laughter at the realization that there was a stripper and she would be forced to endure the dance . She played along and lifted her hands and rubbed the backs of his legs and butt as he danced around her . He grabbed her hand and placed it on the front of his underwear and with his hand over hers rubbed his penis . All of us were laughing and screaming . Laura was up and dancing around enjoying the show . I looked over and saw Davey laughing as hard as us but trying to be silent so Teresa would not suspect there was another man in the room . " I know this … ! Billy ? Is that you ? " She hollered out and everyone screamed with laughter again . Teresa reached up and pulled the blindfold from her eyes . The look on her face was priceless . The song ended and the room was completely silent . Suddenly Teresa screamed and started laughing and jumping up and down . She threw her arms around Brad and was still jumping . " That was awesome ! ! " she screamed and threw up her arms , " Freaking awesome ! Let 's get drunk ! " Before we left the house , we all took a shot of Jack Daniels which I instantly regretted . I hated whiskey and it made my chest burn . I decided at that moment that I would forego the drinking this evening and enjoy watching everyone else get wasted . Brad introduced us to Davey and I thought for someone who was here to give Brad courage he was incr " As if ! " I shook my head at her when she started to say she was okay to drive . We headed out to the driveway and I slid in the driver 's seat of Laura 's SUV while the girls loaded in the back . Brad convinced Laura to ride with them , I figured since Davey was driving so Brad figured he could get a head start on exploring Laura 's breasts . I was fairly sure he was going to be disappointed . It was definitely a crazy night . Laura and Teresa got ridiculously drunk but appeared to be having the time of their lives . Sandy and Rachel were having a contest to see who could collect the most phone numbers from guys . Brad had passed out in car about an hour ago and Elena had grown tired of the immaturity of the Bride and Maid of Honor and asked me if I would be upset if she left . " No , I envy you . If I didn 't have to make sure these people got home safe I would leave too , " I assured her I was fine with her leaving . She called her husband and he agreed to pick her up . She gave me a hug and told me to be safe , and then she whispered in my ear , " You look awesome tonight and there is a guy sitting here who hasn 't been able to take his eyes off of you all night . " She gave my shoulders a quick squeeze and walked out to meet her husband . I looked over at Davey who was watching Laura and Teresa do shots of Apple Pucker . His face winched at the thought of the sour liquor and then took a sip of his beer . He sat the beer on the table , leaned back and jammed his hands in his jeans pockets . He glanced over and saw me watching him . " Hey , " He smiled , " Your friends there are kinda nuts . " He tipped it towards them . I looked over at the two drunks girls who were dancing with some tall dark headed guy . He was sandwiched between them and looked to me having the time of his life . Davey and I both laughed at the intoxicated group . " Yes they are . " I agreed . I leaned back in my chair and yawned . I was so ready to leave . I glanced at my watch and saw that it was close to 1 a . m . " Tessa , right ? " he sat up and leaned on the table . " Yeah , but most everyone just call me Tess . " I reached over and grabbed a random beer bottle on the table and began peeling the label off of it . Davey was an attractive guy . Not someone that would make a woman stop and take a second look , but cute in his own way . You could tell he was a worker . His jeans were clean but streaked with dark stains and he had the hands of someone who used them often , they weren 't smooth , but calloused . He had a dark complexion and black hair . He was in his late twenties , but had a hint of gray around his temples . His hair was cut close and he needed to shave , but it gave him a rugged woodsy look . He had chocolate brown eyes and his nose was a little too large for his face , but he was definitely not unattractive . We had our first date the following Saturday evening . I had hesitated when he first asked , not because I wasn 't interested but I made a rule a long time ago that I didn 't get a sitter for Addison on the weekends she wasn 't with Nicky 's or my parent 's , but that weekend my sister Diana called asking if she could have Addy overnight . They wanted to take advantage of the warming weather and take all the kids to the children 's museum , stay overnight at the museum 's hotel , and maybe go to the zoo on Sunday . " Hey , Davey , it 's Tess , " I held the portable receiver to my ear as I packed Addison 's small overnight bag . " Tess , wow this is a nice surprise ! " He sounded genuinely glad to hear my voice , " What are you doing ? " " Well I was just calling to see if your offer was still open for dinner tonight ? " I zipped the bag shut and set it on the bed . Addison was on the floor coloring in her coloring books and singing a song about a doughnut that we always sang in the car . During that first date we talked for hours in the restaurant , then hours in his car outside my house . I told him about Nicky and he said he remembered reading about it in the paper and seeing it on the news . Davey said he couldn 't imagine putting his hands on a woman , even if she deserved it . He said all the right things . I started to feel like I could trust a man again . It felt nice to be able to open up my heart if even just a little bit . I was able to breathe easier knowing a decent guy was on my side . He expected nothing more from me than what I was . He told me I was beautiful and I believed him . He never mentioned my weight and touched me like he was touching a model in a magazine . He never looked at other woman when we were out together ; he only had eyes for me . Davey went with me Teresa 's wedding and we spent most every minute of our free time together . After we dated a little over a month I introduced him to my parent 's and my sister . He met Addison and I met his little boy , Justin who was a year older than Addison . He treated Addison kindly and always included her in activities he did with Justin when he would be home for visitations with his father . Davey moved in with us three months after we had started dating . He was currently living in a tiny , rundown apartment building across town and he spent so much time at my house it didn 't make sense for him to continue paying rent . I am sure that people thought we were moving too quickly , a few of my friends mention that on occasion , but overall they really liked Davey and just wanted me be sure I knew what I was doing . They knew that I had been lonely and afraid I would be alone for the rest of my life . My mom said very little because I think she was worried about that as well and she just wanted me to find someone who could take care of me and take some of the burden off of my shoulders . He stepped right into the role of man - of - the - house , maintaining areas that I had neglected . Paul was always offering to take care of things for me , but he had their house to maintain and his health wasn 't the best the last few years . I didn 't want to take advantage and I had let some minor things go . Davey cleaned the gutters and took care of the yard ; he was always doing something around the house . He said he wanted to show me that he was useful ; I already knew this and tried to tell him that I was appreciative of it . For the first time in my life I wondered if this is what it felt like to be in love . The subject of marriage just happened . We never really talked much about it ; it just seemed like the logical next step . It became less of an " If " topic and more of a " when " topic . The day of our four month anniversary a pipe had burst at my mom 's and I went over to help her clean up . It looked as though it was going to be a very long day . While we were there , Addison broke a vase in the living room when she threw a stuffed animal across the room . Paul had simply asked her to pick up her toys , but since she hadn 't had a nap yet she was very grouchy . She believed she had Papaw Paul wrapped around her little finger , but when he laid the law down with her about the toys , she pitched a fit and threw the doll sending the vase crashing to the floor . On our way home she had fallen asleep in the car and when I tried to wake her up to go in the house she had another meltdown in the driveway . I had to practically drag her in the house kicking and screaming . I would have pulled in the garage but Davey had a " project " in the works and I hadn 't been able to pull the car in for the last week . I was losing my patience and I still had to fix supper before Davey got home . He never expected me to have supper waiting on him , but I enjoyed having it ready and spending " family time " together at the table . But I was beginning to think that " family time " was a bad idea tonight . I stood at the counter buttering a piece of bread ; dinner tonight would be simple , grilled cheese and tomato soup . I heard the front door open and Davey stomping his boots on the entry rug . " Tess ? " He called from the entry hall . " In the kitchen , " I flipped the grilled cheese over in the pan . " Hey , how was your day ? Where 's Addy ? " " I 've had better , " I laughed still attending to the grilled cheese , " she 's in her room . She needed a nap in the worst way . " I turned from the stove to give my attention to Davey . He looked like he had a rough day as well . His maintenance uniform was stained in something brown and he smelled faintly of gasoline . He came in for a kiss and I wrinkled my nose at the smell but I gave him a quick kiss . " I got something for you today , " he nonchalantly sat a silver gift bag on the island , " I am gonna get cleaned up for supper . It smells good . " He turned and walked down the hall . I wiped my hands off on the dish towel and reached over for the bag . I looked after him wondering if he meant for me to wait for him to return . I sat the bag back on the counter and I finished making supper , pouring the soup in bowls and sitting them on the kitchen table . I had heard the shower turn on , he would be about ten minutes so I called for Addy to come eat before it got cold . I looked over at the bag again , still unsure what to do with it . Addison had come running from her room . " Be careful the cheese might still be hot . " I warned and set a glass of milk in front of her . Davey came into the kitchen , hair wet and dressed in a white t - shirt and blue sweatpants . He took his seat at the table and waited for me to take a seat . He noticed the bag still sitting on the counter . " You didn 't look in the bag ? " He said taking a sip of soup . " I didn 't know if you wanted me to wait . " " No Babe , you can open whenever you want , " He smiled and continued to eat . Over dinner we exchanged stories about our days . I told him about the broken pipe and he asked if he should go over and take a look at it , I told him that Paul and Chris had already taken care of it . He finished eating and got up put his dishes in the dishwasher and then helped me straighten the kitchen . After I wiped the counters down and he turned the dishwasher on , he kissed my forehead and thanked me for supper then headed to his recliner in the living room . Neither of us mentioned the gift bag on the counter . I ran Addison 's bath and after getting her out I tucked her into bed . I read her a story , we sang one verse of the doughnut song and then I turned her light off and left the room . She was out in just a few moments . I walked into the living room and saw that Davey had fallen asleep in his chair watching Monster Garage . I had hoped to open the gift bag with him but he was snoring and seemed too peaceful to wake . I headed to the kitchen to look into that silver bag . I couldn 't imagine what he would have gotten me . No one had ever just bought me something for the sake of buying me something . He didn 't seem too overly excited about the gift so I figured that it may be a CD or maybe a book . I had mentioned the other day that there was a new book out I wanted , but I hadn 't thought he really heard me . Chocolates , maybe it was chocolates . He knew I loved the caramel ones and even though I always used the excuse that I was dieting , I would buy a small bag from the candy store in the mall . I pulled the bag towards me and sat on the barstool . There was no tissue paper inside , but a smaller plastic silver bag inside that said Jarrel 's Jewelry on it . Oh , maybe they are earrings ? Maybe diamond earrings , I had never owned a real pair of diamond earrings . Is he serious ? Jewelry is kind of a big deal , even if it is just a pair of earrings . Jewelry is not the kind of gift that you just set down and say , " Get to it whenever . " Jewelry is the kind of gift that the man stays there and watches you open because he wants to see the look of the woman 's face . That 's what all the jewelry store commercials on t . v . depicted anyway . I opened the small plastic bag and pulled out a smaller cardboard box , the same color as both of the other bags . I pulled the top off of the cardboard box . I sighed , another box . This was like one of those Russian doll games . I held the small dark blue velvet box in my hand and looked in the direction of the living room then back at the box . I slowly opened the box , the little hinge made a squeaking noise . My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my throat . " No … " I whispered to myself , it couldn 't be . … Sitting in the white velvet pillow lining was a yellow gold ring with a small diamond in the center and four small diamonds running down the band on each side and a thin yellow gold band that sat next to it . It was a wedding set . Not just a promise ring , but an entire wedding set . I closed the lid , placed the velvet box in the cardboard box , the cardboard box back in the small plastic bag and the plastic bag pack into the silver gift bag . I left it setting on the island and went to bed , leaving Davey in his chair . CLICK HERE to continue on to Part 2 , Chapter 6 This is a work of fiction . Names , characters , businesses , places , events and incidents are either the products of the author 's imagination or used in a fictitious manner . Any resemblance to actual persons , living or dead , or actual events is purely coincidental . By T . L . Lady I slid the key in the lock and opened the driver 's side door . Chip pushed me aside and slid in the seat . He rummaged through the storage space between the two seats and popped the glove compartment open , pushing papers aside . He even looked in the back and under all of the seats . " Just open the damn trunk like I said . " He walked to the back of the car and waited for me to push the release button by the steering wheel . I heard the ' wa - hump ' of the trunk 's lock popping and the squeak of the hinges as he lifted the lid . " I told you I didn 't have the CD . I put everything of yours in the box I already gave you . " He slammed the trunk lid closed . " NO ! I don 't have your fucking CD and even if I did I would have thrown it out ! " I yelled out of exhaustion by ridiculousness of the situation . " Shit ! You … bitch ! " He grabbed his arm and inspected it to see if he was bleeding . He looked back at me and his hand went straight to my neck , the force was so strong that my feet left the ground as my body slid up the trunk of my car . I flashed back to Nicky 's hand around my neck and for a moment that 's whose face I saw staring back at me . I closed my eyes tight and opened them back up hoping that it wouldn 't be Nicky still standing there . When I opened my eyes , I was oddly relieved to see that it was Chip . When our eyes met , he released his grip and I slid back down the car 's trunk . I gasped in the night air , massaging my neck and still feeling the heat of where his hand pressed against my skin . He turned and walked towards his truck , got in , revved up the engine and peeled out spraying gravel over several of the cars parked nearby . I bent over with my hand still around my neck , not believing what had just happened I started puking in the gravel . The more air I was able to breathe in the harder I puked . Unable to stand upright , I leaned over with my hands on my knees , crying . The tears burned in my eyes , I reached up and wiped my nose with my sleeve . When I was finally able to stand up straight , I looked around to see if anyone had witnessed what had just occurred . The door of the bar was fogged up and I could see the blurry image of Lisa but couldn 't make out who she was talking to . I slowly walked back towards the building , trying to compose myself . When I opened the door Lisa 's eyes went directly to the red hand print that was imprinted around my neck . Her eyes narrowed at me and she already knew the answer to the question that came out of her mouth . " What the hell happened to your neck ? " She grabbed my arm to stop me in my tracks . I looked at her pleadingly to keep her voice down . I moved in closer to talk to her without others hearing what I said . " Please Lisa , he 's gone and I just want to let it go . " I tried hard to push the tears back and not start crying all over again . She released my arm and turned towards the door when it opened . Chip stepped back in and she stopped him before he got over the threshold . " To get a beer , you have a problem with that ? " Oh crap . Lisa 's posture straighten which added another inch to her already towering height and she looked down at Chip 's balding head . " You can 't do that ! " he laughed , " Besides you don 't have a good reason too . " He stepped in further and she grabbed him by his arm . He pulled it back trying to release her grip without success . " I don 't need a reason . The only reason I need is that said you are barred . " Lisa looked over at one of the bouncers and nodded to him to come over , " Jose , I think that this gentlemen needs to memorize what the outside of this bar looks like . Would you mind giving him a tour ? " Two more years would pass . Lorene got remarried to a guy she met at the Kabooty after a short six - month relationship . Marta married Ben the year after that . I caught the bouquet at both weddings . You know that whole thing where the girl that is the lucky one who catches the bouquet will be the next to fall in love and get married ? Yeah , that 's a load of crap . Laura had started coming around again after we ran into each other at Marta and Ben 's wedding . A new club had opened in town called Jupiter 's and we decided to check it out one weekend . My neighbor Sandy , her sister Elena and a mutual friend of ours named Teresa tagged along . It was a great night out . I had decided to be the designated driver because I hated the way I felt after a Saturday night of drinking . I did feel like I had been out too much lately even though I only went out every other weekend , but I felt guilty about going to bars when I had a child . " You 're allowed to have some fun Tess ! " Lorene told me on the phone one night , " Just because you have a kid doesn 't mean you have to stop living ! So stop feeling so guilty . Besides what else is there to do in this town ? All we have are bars , churches and pizza places . The pizza places only have pizza and churches only have married men . Bars are all that are left ! " I laughed but it didn 't make me feel any better . I had finally reached a place where I wanted to settle down , find someone who would fall madly in love with me and I really wanted to start back to church without having someone holding rules over my head . To have a healthy Christian relationship with someone I could take care of and could take care of me , someone who wanted to get married . Was that too much to ask ? It seemed all of my friends were getting married and soon I would be the only single person left . This is a work of fiction . Names , characters , businesses , places , events and incidents are either the products of the author 's imagination or used in a fictitious manner . Any resemblance to actual persons , living or dead , or actual events is purely coincidental . Many people believe there are only two types of eating disorders … they would be incorrect . Check out this information at Eating Disorders Online . Eating disorders aren 't just centralized to teenage girls ; it effects all ages and genders . Men generally have a harder time being diagnosed according to an ABC News report posted February 26 , 2013 . Check out NAMED a website for Men and Boys who are suffering . Comments Dee Lacy on How Another Round of Euchre ? T L Lady on You Aren 't Alone ! ~ Eating Disorder Help T L Lady on How Another Round of Euchre ? Dee Lacy on How Another Round of Euchre ? Help | Centers for children with eating disorders on You Aren 't Alone ! ~ Eating Disorder Help 2halvesmakemewhole on Touching Trees ~ Part 2 Chapter 7 T L Lady on Touching Trees ~ Part 1 Chapter 7 T L Lady on Touching Trees ~ Part 1 Chapter 7 Tammy Sears Poynter on Touching Trees ~ Part 1 Chapter 7 Maggie Miller on Touching Trees ~ Part 1 Chapter 7 Subscribe to RSS |
Posted on June 16 , 2017 by lauramckillipwood 1 I 've been in storms , but tonight … this storm beats them all . The two oldest kids had a band performance scheduled for 7 : 30 , so we made our way over to the stadium where we were supposed to watch it . By the time we got there , it was raining a little , and they had cancelled the performance . Andrew and I decided to wait in the car until the kids finished practice . We had books , as all good nerds do , so we were completely satisfied just to sit there and read . We 'd been sitting in the car about 20 - 30 minutes when the sky got really dark . The rain started pouring , and the wind picked up . I called Hannah to tell her not to come outside , and at about the same moment she picked up the phone , the wind got so bad that I basically yelled " Stay inside ! Don 't come outside ! " and hung up . Andrew told me to get out and run inside . Forgetting all about the running car , he got out . I reached over and turned it off and we started running into the building . The tornado sirens were so loud ! I 've never heard them up close like that . I guess their close proximity combined with the extreme wind made me think the sirens were instead a tornado ( you know how they always say tornadoes sound like a train ? ! I guess tornado sirens do , too ! ) . I kept yelling , " That 's an actual tornado ! " a fact that probably freaked out my southern - born husband . About halfway into the building , the wind blew me so hard from behind that I actually felt my feet start to leave the ground a little ! Before I knew it , I was lying on the wet grass ! I looked over , and Andrew was , too ! We managed to get to our feet , despite the extreme wind pushing us from behind , and scramble the rest of the way into the building , holding onto each other the whole way , just in case . I looked at Andrew when we got into the high school . He had no glasses on his face ! I thought to myself , Whew ! I 'm glad I still have my glasses … wait a minute … why can 't I see anything ? I lost mine too ! The wind blew us down AND blew the glasses off our faces ! ! We hurried down the hall to the band room to find our kids . We managed to find them , found a safe hall to sit in , and waited out the storm with all of their bandmates . I was afraid we 'd have to get Hannah to drive us home because neither Andrew nor I had our glasses , but we actually managed to find both pairs on our way out . In the grass , not far from where we fell . Along with the keys to my office , which , hey , I didn 't even know I 'd lost ! I could spend some paragraphs comparing storms to problems in our lives and how God works it all out and yada yada yada . I 'm not doing that . I 'm sure you can figure it out yourselves . What I will say is in a moment like that what I wanted most of all was to find our two kids . Once we found them and saw them safe , I just felt extreme relief that kid # 3 was in Hawaii with my mom and sister and not home alone or something ! Oh my ! At least she was safe ! And when it was all said and done , when we drove home , we saw the downed trees and branches and neighbors spilling out onto the street and I suddenly felt such an appreciation for the people in our life . We 're safe and dry , and we even saw a nice rainbow on the way home ! Posted on May 13 , 2017 by lauramckillipwood Reply Seven years ago , these three were pretty cute on Easter morning . A few weeks ago , a local organization , Papillion Parent , asked me to write an essay to read at a fundraiser they were hosting . The instructions simply said , " to write [ a ] hilarious or heartfelt 3 - 5 min essay about motherhood and read it out loud at the event . " Last Sunday night was the night . Since Andrew and the kids went to Hannah 's final band concert / awards ceremony , I asked a couple of friends to go with me . We enjoyed an evening outside at a local hangout listening to moms writing about their different perspectives on parenting . I loved spending time with them and meeting other writers and moms from the area . Before the birth of my first child , I showed a coworker an ultrasound picture and told her I 'd decided to quit my job to stay home with the baby . She asked if I 'd be doing any freelance work . I answered that I 'd need to see how I felt about freelancing when things went back to normal . She laughed and said , " Honey , things are never going back to normal . " What did I expect motherhood to be ? I 'm pretty sure that whatever I may have thought it was going to be , it hasn 't really been that . When my husband kissed me goodbye and drove away the first day he went back to work after our daughter 's birth , I sat in a silent house holding a tiny stranger and listened to the sound of nothing . I felt overwhelmed . Somehow I adjusted , but it wasn 't without a struggle . My daughter was born on New Year 's Eve , and I spent that entire first winter in the house , seeing few people , and crying at 6 : 30 am because I hadn 't slept and knew I had 12 more hours to care for her before I could put her to bed again . I stood in the living room , holding her and peering out the picture window in hopes of seeing the mailman 's footprints in the snow because that would mean I could check the mail . Maybe there 'd be news from the outside world for me ! A hunting magazine or Field and Stream or ANYTHING would do ! Or maybe even I 'd get to talk to the actual mailman . Imagine that ! My second child , a boy , really didn 't talk until he was about two years old . I worried constantly that I wasn 't giving him enough opportunities to talk or wasn 't talking to him enough to teach him properly . Of course , when he started talking , he spoke in complete sentences . The first words I remember hearing from him were " I want to pinch your neck " . Guess we know what he was thinking all those months . Maybe he wanted to perfect his language skills in his head before trying them out ! After the birth of my third baby , I was so tired that I fell asleep sitting up in bed while holding her . I woke to the sound of her crying and the sight of her lying on the hardwood floor next to my bed . I had dropped my sweet newborn ! After a trip to Children 's Hospital , wandering around in the dark forever trying to find it while she slept , I felt reassured that she was fine , but I 've never truly been the same since . My understanding of " normal " has changed many times over the last decade and a half . I hear people tell moms to cherish those baby and toddler days and hold onto every moment , but I 'm going to tell you that I have mostly been relieved when one stage passed and we could speed on to the next . Now that they 're older , though , I love seeing my kids become interesting , funny and articulate people . I look forward to seeing them as adults . I can hardly keep up with their almost - adult schedules , but I love watching them live them . This year they were still sweet on Easter morning ! As a mom of teenagers who is just about in the final stages of parenting children , I will say that these years are without a doubt my favorite so far . I can look at my son when I hear something funny and know he heard it , too , and we can laugh together at things that really are humorous . Not some I 'm - laughing - because - I - don 't - want - him - to - know - his - knock - knock - joke - wasn 't - really - funny kind of funny , but a truly hilarious kind of humor . I can listen to my oldest daughter talk about her boyfriend and say " Oh yeah ! Can you believe guys do that ? " and really relate . And I can watch my youngest girl primp in front of a mirror and offer some outdated and unsolicited fashion advice . These are humans ! And they 're interesting and fun , and finally I can start to see that putting them in time out twenty times one afternoon when they were three was worth the effort . I have a confession about how much I needed reassurance when my kids were babies . I haven 't told anyone this . I don 't even think my husband knows it . I sometimes used to call the pharmacist in the 24 - hour - pharmacy near our house in the middle of the night . I didn 't do it to chat , although at times that might have been nice . I often didn 't really have a medical question . I called for reassurance that how I was treating my children 's illnesses or what I was doing for them was good enough . I only called a few times , but when I called he actually did give me reassuring advice . I wondered if he had a wife and kids at home and knew the uncertainty that parents of babies sometimes experience . Or maybe he was really bored because hey - 24 - hour pharmacy in the middle of the night . Somehow in the midst of all of the pressure and uncertainty of parenting young children , I began to come to peace with the fact that I was indeed messing them up . I also learned , though , that we 're all messed up and all parents do make pretty big mistakes of one kind or another . Maybe the real key isn 't raising kids without scars but teaching them how to heal . Posted on April 30 , 2017 by lauramckillipwood Reply A few weeks ago , a friend started a blog / website " to encourage young people who are still waiting for their life partner , or people who are just content being single , and the difficulties that entails . " She asked if I 'd like to contribute as a person who 's been there and knows what it 's like . Of course , I said yes ! I love stuff like that . I think loneliness is something we all struggle with at some point . Most people I know , whether married or single , feel a sense of loneliness at some time in their lives . You can read what I wrote here , but I think it 's also worth visiting her site because it 's pretty interesting and already full of stories and advice . Click here to go to her website ( Letters to Lonely Humans ) or keep reading for my letter to the lonely . I got married in my 28th year , which is late for a girl who went to Bible college . I graduated , moved halfway across the world , and lived on my own for four years . When I moved overseas , I came to terms with the idea that I probably wouldn 't ever get married . I didn 't really want to marry someone from another culture . I thought relationships had enough challenges without adding cross - cultural ones to the list , so I thought I had pretty much eliminated my chances of marrying . I really was ok with that . I had a lot of friends and a lot of support , and I decided I didn 't need a husband . During those years , I sometimes did get lonely . I taught elementary school , so my weeks were full of kids and lesson preparations . On the weekends , though , I had many hours alone . During school breaks , I had more than enough time to long for human companionship . I found ways to fill those needs with good friends and activities , but somewhere lurking in there I still felt a little lonely . In my fourth year , all of a sudden , an old boyfriend moved to the same country where I lived . Before I knew it , we were engaged ! I didn 't realize it then , but looking back I see a part of me believed that after I married him I wouldn 't be lonely anymore . Isn 't that how it 's supposed to go ? Find your soul mate ! Your life will be full of companionship after you marry him . He will understand everything about you and love it all . After our wedding , Andrew and I moved to a new city where neither of us knew anyone . Suddenly loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks . Andrew was quiet . Very quiet . Much quieter than I was . Too much interaction overloaded him . I needed other people , but I knew no one in my new place . I think most of the people I knew from before assumed we were in that honeymoon stage where everything is so wonderful that you don 't want anyone outside to bother you . My mom and grandma told me how relieved they were that now I had someone to be with me so I wouldn 't be alone so far away from home , but I felt more alone then than I ever had before the wedding . I 've been married nearly 18 years now , and I can say without a doubt that this has been a struggle nearly every one of those 18 years . I have begun to learn to expect less from my husband and to rely more on friends . I have started to learn that his need for solitude is a God - given personality trait that allows him to think deeply and understand things I will never understand . I have tried to learn that his quietness doesn 't mean he doesn 't love me and , in fact , has nothing to do with how he feels about me . I haven 't mastered those things , but I 'm working on them . Most of all , though , I have learned that loneliness is a human condition that is not resolved by other humans . Friends can dull the ache . A spouse can mask the effects . Children can keep you so tired you sometimes forget about it . Deep down inside , though , it 's still there . Loneliness is just part of being human and can remind me that my life isn 't complete here on earth . There 's something missing that other people won 't really ever completely fill . So for anyone reading this who feels lonely sometimes , I tell you the same thing I try to tell myself : don 't blame your loneliness on your situation . Don 't be angry at the ones you love for not perfectly filling your need for companionship . Let your loneliness point you to God , remind you that you 're never completely whole this side of heaven , and drive you to him for fulfillment . Easier said than done ; it 's probably a lifelong project ! Posted on January 22 , 2017 by lauramckillipwood 3 Today I was in a gas station with my 13 - year - old son , Alex . I heard an older lady talking to herself while struggling to use the ATM . She couldn 't figure it out and was getting really frustrated and anxious . I hesitated to help because I thought she might feel like I was going to take advantage of her , but then it became more and more apparent that she wasn 't getting it . I asked if she needed help and she said yes , she did , that since her stroke she 's had a hard time understanding things . She was appreciative of my help , very sweet and friendly . As we worked on it together , Alex came down the aisle on the other side of her . I saw her look at him and felt her pull back , fearful . I looked at him from her point of view : a tall young man , hovering nearby , trying unsuccessfully to look inconspicuous . Suddenly I realized the inconvenience of being a male in that situation . We talk about women feeling afraid , but what about men , even helpful men , who want to do something nice for an older lady but are seen as threatening ? I saw Alex and remembered my little guy who liked to cuddle and hug and play drums on the pots and pans , but she saw Alex as a man taller than she was , sidling up beside her to steal her cash . If only she knew that he looked at her slyly from the corner of his eye because he is shy and embarrassed and doesn 't quite know whether to talk to her or not . If only she knew that not long ago he stood in the living room hugging his big sister as she cried about the death of her guinea pig . If only she knew he has shaved fewer times than he can count on one hand and still feels nervous about going to the high school for band practice with the big kids since he is just in middle school himself . " Oh , that 's my son . Hey , Alex ! " I said , and she visibly relaxed . I won 't always be there to help the older ladies see him for who he is . I hope he can do that for himself . I don 't think he 'll have a problem . He 's pretty sweet . But I had just told him a moment earlier that if he heard someone struggling like that he had to think through whether to help her or not because she might feel scared that he was trying to hurt her . I know that because it 's happened before to his dad . Andrew has a particular appeal to older ladies . I don 't think he 's ever met a woman over the age of 50 who didn 't love him within minutes of meeting him . But once he was in a grocery store where an older woman was having a very hard time with the ATM . He watched , thinking about offering to help , when her friend appeared out of nowhere and started yelling at him . Accusing him of trying to steal the woman 's pin over her shoulder , she wouldn 't listen to reason . She called a security guard over . Finally , they worked it out , but I had to warn Alex of the potential for misunderstanding . How sad that we live in a world where a vulnerable person has to be suspicious of a 13 - year - old ! In a society where a kind man tries to be a gentleman and is punished for it or treated with suspicion , how can we teach our boys to make a difference to those in vulnerable positions ? We instruct our children the best that we can , but in a fallen world we must face the fact that even people who are trying to help others can be hurt or can hurt them inadvertently . The man who wants to help a woman , the friend who tries to protect her , the boy watching innocently as his mom assists someone . I 'm not sure a lot can be done about this , besides leading our children to care for others and be wise in the way they approach that caring , but I hope a consistently kind and loving , godly presence in society will somehow make a difference . I have to believe it will . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleEmailPinterestLinkedInTumblrRedditPrintMorePocketLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Children , faith , Family , Growth , Parenting | Beginning and Ending Posted on January 1 , 2017 by lauramckillipwood Reply It 's New Year 's Eve , and I 'm getting ready to make dinner . It 's a special dinner , as it is every New Year 's Eve , since it 's Hannah 's birthday dinner . I told a friend today that our New Year 's Eve is always pretty boring , except for that one New Year 's Eve when we had a baby . That one was pretty exciting . That particular New Year 's Eve , we were in the hospital early in the morning , and Hannah was born around 2 : 30 pm . We were supposed to go to a party with our small group from church , but instead we called them and told them we were in the hospital with our new baby . They all spent the night at their party and came to visit us in the hospital the next day . We were the first of the group to have a baby , so everyone passed her around , talking to her and cuddling her . Those are special memories . We had no idea how having a baby would change our lives . We had a cerebral knowledge that everything would be different , but we didn 't know how that change would feel on a day to day basis . I remember telling a coworker I 'd decide whether to do some freelance work " when everything went back to normal " after the baby was born . She just laughed and said , " Nothing is ever going back to normal . " How right she was ! The moment she settled her little self into my arms marked the beginning of the difficult process of thinking about someone else on a consistent basis . That moment ended my ability to live for myself while at the same time pretending to myself that I was living for others . This is something I never learned in Bible college , didn 't learn in ministry , had only begun to learn in marriage at that time . Each step in life has taken me deeper into the project of thinking about others , a huge endeavor to say the least , but the step into parenthood was like stepping off the high dive and jumping into the deep end of a pool of lava . Trial by fire ! I spent my whole childhood and young adulthood preparing for and doing ministry . I was 100 % in when it came to my work . I loved living overseas , loved teaching , loved the kids I worked with , loved my friends there . I loved it all ! Having a baby , we decided we 'd be staying in the US for a long time . We decided I would stay home with the baby instead of trying to find a job that paid enough to cover childcare . I guess I thought motherhood would be my thing , but over time I still missed other things . I had trouble figuring out what my niche was in this new state of affairs . Besides childcare , did I have a purpose ? For a long time , I struggled with this . I felt alone a lot , and I resented my husband for getting to go to work and sit in a quiet office where he did things like read books and write lesson plans . Alone . With hours and hours at his disposal and an endless career to feed . Gradually I got used to parenting , to thinking about children ahead of myself . Gradually I adjusted to being home with them , and eventually I did start working again . I earned a masters . I got jobs and now even have a career . Over time , I learned that being a mom can teach me more than I ever thought I could learn . I have learned a lot about sacrifice and trust . I 've learned about patience and how my words and actions affect others . I 've learned a lot . I 'd like to say I learned those things well . I 'd like to say I loved it all . I 'd like to say I didn 't struggle most of the time . I can 't say that , but I can say I 've made it so far , and I can say that now that they 're almost all teenagers I enjoy parenting . That 's something , right ? I love spending time with them and joking around . I like having intelligent conversations about truly important topics . I like sharing real insight and hearing theirs . I love seeing their interests and thinking about the people they 're becoming , wondering what they 'll do in their lives . I love those kids in ways that I could never have understood on that New Year 's Eve fifteen years ago . Today my girl Hannah got in a car and drove us to the mall . Legally . And today she planned her whole birthday , including that trip to the mall with a friend . Today she made herself a birthday cake for fun with her boyfriend . I listened to them laughing in the kitchen and smiled at the fun they were having . Maybe we did ok after all ! My husband and I both grew up in pretty conservative churches where we sometimes both got the idea that we were required to do certain things to maintain our status as Christians : read the Bible every day , invite people to church , volunteer for or participate in every event the church had to name a few . As an adult , I see the value of these things and I realize that my thinking as a child may have been black and white and not allowed me to fully understand the church 's teaching on these topics . However , I also understand that they 're not essential to my faith . For example , reading the Bible every day can give me guidance and help me know Jesus better , but if I don 't do that I am not somehow condemning myself forever . I may be cheating myself out of a deeper relationship with and understanding of God , but I 'm not less valuable to God because of that . A few months ago , Hannah came home feeling guilty because she hadn 't asked all of her friends to church yet . She 'd received instructions in Sunday school that every Christian should ask all of their friends and the people they come into contact with to church if they really cared about them ( at least that was what she understood the lesson to mean ) . I told her that the Bible never tells anyone to ask someone to church . I can 't think of any instances of Jesus telling his followers to invite their friends to the synagogue . Sure , they invited them to him , but they did that because their lives were changed from being with him , and they wanted their friends to experience the same radical love that Jesus had shown them . This is way more than just a perfunctory invitation to a church service . I told her that we show our friends Jesus by the way we act , the way we love others , the way we care about people who are in difficult situations . We talked for a long time about how our life makes a statement and can draw people in or push them away and how truly caring about a person is more important than inviting them to church . I told her I think that you only have probably one chance in our culture to invite a person to a church event , so you shouldn 't squander it at the very beginning by giving them the idea that you 're only being friends with them to add one more notch to your Bible belt . I also emphasized that when we do care about them this way , we earn the right to talk about things that are important to us , and we have natural opportunities to tell them about our faith . Not long after the Sunday school lesson and our discussion of it , her school let out early . In true junior high fashion , great swarms of students went down the street to our local Runza , a Nebraska fast food favorite . Of course , the place was packed with middle schoolers without parents . She and Alex waited a long time in line . When they finally got their food and sat down , Hannah noticed a group of kids causing a lot of trouble and making a mess of the place . After plenty of complaints , the manager came out and told them to leave . They mocked him and laughed at him , threw ice and food on the floor and tables . When they finally left , they stood outside the window and laughed at him as he cleaned up their mess . Hannah saw it happening and got up to help him . She picked up ice from the floor and wiped down the tables with a rag he gave her . When they finished , he thanked her and gave her two coupons for free meals . ( Note : Alex says he didn 't notice any of this happening , and , while that seems hard to believe , knowing the boy 's capacity for living in his own bubble , I believe it ! ) . Right about the same time , Alex , who had an obsession with Rubik 's cubes , had one at church . That day , a woman we know told him her brother loved Rubik 's cubes when he was younger and had one that was left solved at their mom and dad 's house . Sadly , her brother passed away in a tragic and unexpected accident as a very young man , and her mom kept the Rubik 's cube on a shelf to remember him . Unfortunately , a visiting kid grabbed the Rubik 's cube and messed it up , and her mom felt sad now that the reminder of her son was gone . Our friend from church asked if Alex would mind solving the cube if her mom brought it . He agreed , and a few days later we found ourselves at the store where the woman works , meeting her mother . As Alex started working on the Rubik 's cube , I watched him , 13 years old , just a hair taller than I am , at the very beginning of being a young man . I wondered how that mom felt when she looked at him . Did she remember her boy when he was that age ? I wished I had told him to give her a hug when he finished because I thought how nice that would be if I were in her shoes . Within a minute or two , he had solved it and handed it back to her . And lo and behold , with no instruction from me , he hugged her . Those two events , so close together , they hit me hard . I watched our two oldest children live out their faith right in front of me . They did what they could and used their talents and interests to right injustice and relieve suffering . Even though they didn 't invite anyone to church , offer to stop and pray with someone or quote Bible verses , they showed them what Jesus ' love means in action . I have a memory of Andrew that surfaces once in a while . It happened before we were married , when we were on a hiatus in our relationship . We had dated and broken up several times , and he had already broken my heart more than once . Still , despite the break ups that seemed to come out of nowhere , I could not escape him . No matter where I went , he eventually turned up . No matter how many times I decided not to love him , I always did again . So this particular memory happened after one of those times I 'd decided not to let him back in my heart but to protect myself , to hold back . I had moved to Ukraine , and , of course , I ran into him there . We started talking again , and I could tell there was still something between us . I went to a worship service at a Christian student fellowship of some sort . I sat near the back of the room , and he sat in the front row . I don 't even think he knew I was there . I saw him standing there . The room was dark , but lights on the stage lit the shadows enough that I could see his silhouette . He raised his arms and sang and praised God in such a pure and sweet way that I just thought , This man is someone I want in my life . That one memory has stuck with me through some really difficult times . I 've remembered his sincerity , his dedication . Knowing him better , knowing his struggles , his depression , his uncertainties , I still remember that man who praised God with such depth and innocence . At times when I 've seen him question himself and his faith , seen him pull back from relationships and withdraw into depression , I 've thought back to that silhouette and known that man is in there . Today I went into chapel at the college , a dark room with lights shining on the stage . I scanned the audience , knowing that he usually sits at the back . This time , though , I saw him standing in the front row , praising God with that same stance and that same sincerity , and I instantly remembered that almost - 20 - years - younger version of him that has lived in my memory . I caught my breath . I know that man . I know the struggles and the pain those years have brought , and I know he stood there praising God with a lot less innocence and a lot more depth than he did the first time I saw him . I know that , despite his bouts with self - doubt and doubt in general and his bent towards depression , he is still here , still persevering . We 've struggled a lot in our life together . Some of it 's because of his issues , some because of mine , some because people just do struggle . I look at us and wonder why we can 't just be content . Why do we wallow in self - pity at times or argue or punish each other or whatever it is that we do ? One of the students told me they hoped when they got married they 'd have a relationship like ours , and my first reaction was to think , Oh my , I hope maybe yours will be smoother and easier . On second thought , though , I think she would be lucky to have a relationship like Andrew 's and mine because we do not give up . We might get to the end of our rope too often , but at least we tie a knot each time and hold on . If there is one thing I 'm proud of so far in my life , it 's that I haven 't given up . I may not have dealt with every situation in a healthy and productive way , but I haven 't thrown in the towel . We are committed , and when we get to the end of our lives we are going to be able to look back and see that it was worth it . We 'll see how the storms made us who we are . We 'll see how waiting out the hard times brought us to good times . We may not be able to point to our relationship as the most lovey dovey one , the most happily - ever - after one , but we 'll be able to say that we had grit , that we held onto what was important , and we 're proud of how far God has taken us . Posted on March 5 , 2016 by lauramckillipwood 3 Yesterday I complained before leaving work because I had to take my youngest to open gym at the gymnastics place last night and would have to sit there for an hour and a half waiting on her to do her thing . Later that evening during open gym , my girl asked me to come in the gym and play with her . Apparently other parents were in there showing me up , so I dropped my book and went in to watch her balance on the balance beam and practice her moves ( and she was super cute and surprisingly athletic , if I can brag on her for a minute ) . While I watched and " helped " her , I snuck a few texts to a friend , commenting on how much lessons cost and how could we ever afford this ? And I dreamed about what I 'd do after all of the kids went to bed and the evening stretched out before me , free and open for Netflix or knitting or writing or whatever . Open gym was almost over , a fact I knew because I kept a watchful eye on the clock on the wall , when she lugged out a springboard thingy . Running down the lane leading to it , she jumped on it and sailed a few feet into the air in an attempt to do a cartwheel . She is actually pretty good at gymnastics and cartwheels , so I didn 't expect what happened next . She landed wonky on her arm , and I knew the night wasn 't going to end for a loong time . I ran over to her , all thoughts of time and clocks and what I 'd do that night after she went to sleep already vanishing . All I could see was that arm hitting the ground . I had flashbacks of another time I watched that little arm , a lot smaller that time , as she jumped from playground equipment at the age of four and landed on it the same way . That time she broke it , and I believed she had this time too . She looked up at me stunned and said , " It got black and I saw stars for a second . " And it hurt a lot . My little girl 's pretty brave , but by the time she got to the car she was crying , and I headed toward the emergency room . She held up well . She put ice on it . She looked at the aquarium in the waiting room and exclaimed about how much it looked like Finding Nemo , which it did . In triage , the nurse asked her how much it hurt on a scale of one to ten with ten being " I just got hit by a semi truck . " She said seven . I was surprised . She didn 't seem to be at seven pain level , but maybe she hid it well . She asked about shots . Would she have to get a shot ? The nurse said , " You won 't have to get a shot unless you need surgery , and then they 'll give you an IV . " All fear of shots left her as she looked at me in panic and said , " I might have to have surgery ? ! " A couple of hours and some x - rays later , and it turned out to be a pretty bad sprain . No surgery . No shots or IVs , a fact that relieved her greatly . She did get a splint and instructions to follow up with an orthopedist in five days just in case they missed a break . Today she proudly showed her arm to her brother and sister and explained what happened . They were in bed at the time and didn 't know we even went to the ER . She secretly told me that even though surgery would have been horrible , it would have been a good way to get some extra attention . My response : " Girl , if you need attention , I 'll take you out to ice cream ! You don 't have to get surgery ! " As I lay down in bed last night at 1 : 00 am , I realized I 'd done none of the things I 'd planned . I 'd had no free time . I 'd watched no Netflix and knitted no scarves . I thought of how fast things had changed . In that one 30 - second time span , I stopped caring about how much I accomplished and whether I had any time alone . All thoughts focused on my daughter , with a few stray thoughts thinking how much will this cost ? ( I know , I know , I 'm materialistic and petty . ) But as I drifted off to sleep , I also thanked God that it was only a sprain . Not a break . As Emma said , " I could have landed on my head ! " How quickly things can change . Thank God it was only a small change ! Posted on January 20 , 2016 by lauramckillipwood 3 Today I started feeling like everyone 's life is a mess . Do you ever do that ? Just start thinking about people you know and realize that just about everyone 's got something big they 're facing . And by " big " I mean potentially life - altering : relationship problems that just don 't end , debilitating depression , gender identity issues . This afternoon I started thinking about these things and about how life is more often than not pretty complicated and messy , and I told my friend , " I just want to go back to the time when everybody 's lives were happy and OK . " I can 't do that because , of course , that time doesn 't really exist . We just think it does when we 're young and we haven 't lived long enough to have enough people open up and share their secrets with us , when we don 't realize that everybody 's struggling in some way with something . I was thinking about that this evening when I saw a Facebook post asking people to share their fondest memories . I shut my eyes and started thinking what I 'd write if I were going to share . I have to admit , it took a while to get past the obligatory days : my - kids - were - born and wedding day , but as I pondered it I realized I have an awful lot of fond memories . Just typing all that out , just the fifteen minutes it took me to think those up , turned around how I felt . Life stinks in a lot of ways , but , man , there are some good things about it . The next time I lament giving up my alone time to be with someone else , I hope I remember how all of those things in my fondest memories list were done with other people ( well , one was a dog , but maybe that sorta still counts ) . My friends and family make my life worth sorting out the rough parts ! This year I had a Christmas break for the first time in years . I worked retail for eight years , so Christmas was never , ever a break for me . When we moved to Nebraska , I began working at a college . The offices are closed during Christmas , but I always still went to work at least half of the days while the rest of the staff was off because I was hourly and needed the hours . This year , I got put on salary , which includes some paid time off , including the week between Christmas and New Year 's ! Counting weekends , that 's eleven days of glorious sleeping in , eating Christmas food , catching up on all the stuff I don 't do during the work week . During this break , I began to see the value of rest . These eleven days were sorta like what happens when you call IT for help with your computer and they say , " Well , did you turn it off and turn it back on again ? " And you sheepishly say , " Hmmm … what a novel idea . I 'll try that . " And that works . One thing I noticed about being off for this long was the ability to finish tasks . I finished a writing project . My laundry basket was actually empty for a day or so . I cleaned the house more than once . I cooked enough food to feed us for just about the entire time on leftovers . These are things that often only get half done because I just don 't have time to do them . I do them in bits and pieces because two hours an evening isn 't enough to complete all the stuff I need to do . When I 'm working every day , a weekend is spent catching up on things I didn 't get to do . Saturday and Sunday aren 't days off . They 're days doing other work . OK , so I 'm not going into an office and sitting at a desk . Instead , I 'm running around doing laundry , cleaning , cooking , doing errands . I feel very accomplished when these things are done , but often they 're done only in time to begin the next week . If I want free time to do any hobbies or even just read a book , I have to stay up and sacrifice sleep . With eleven days off , I got done with the tasks I thought were so important and even got to have free time ! I spent hours crocheting and watching Netflix , and when my mom visited I got to spend time with her instead of going to work while she was here . After two or three days , I completely lost track of what day it was , and , while a bit disorienting , that feeling was so freeing ! Not to have to remember whether today Hannah had piano or Emma had gymnastics felt so great . I had a vast series of minutes , hours and even days spreading out in front of me , free and unencumbered by the things that usually bind my time . We hear all the time how good rest is for us , physically , spiritually and emotionally . I don 't think I really have a grasp on how important it can be and how not getting it can affect my relationships and my attitude . I don 't think most of us know that . We fill our time so we don 't have to spend that time reflecting . We don 't like to face ourselves in silence and think about things we 'd rather forget . In some weird way , we like to give up free time because being busy makes us feel important and needed . I know that I feel guilty if I 'm not filling up every moment with work , but I keep reminding myself that doing the things that help me feel rested is good work too . It 's important . It 's like hitting the reset button , turning my head and my heart off and turning it back on again . Sometimes that goes a long way toward fixing the things I don 't like in my life . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I pulled up and parked in the driveway , behind Harry 's beat up old Chrysler . As I approached the front door , I saw that it was ajar . Strange . I pushed the door open all the way and called out for Harry and for Lainie . I listened . There was a sound , but I couldn 't quite place it . I stepped inside and called again . He was lying on his back , eyes staring sightlessly up at the ceiling . His face and chest were covered in blood . There was a butcher knife sticking out of his belly . " It 'll be okay . The police are on the way . Don 't worry . " I wanted to reassure them both , although I knew that nothing would be okay for them . Martin said , " Lainie was gettin ' beat up by her dad again . I walked in on it and lost my temper . I didn 't mean to kill him . I just wanted him to stop hurting her . " The police arrived and burst into the house . Over the next hour or more , Lainie and Martin were led away , and Harry 's body was examined as was the crime scene . I had to explain what I 'd seen and heard and then I too was escorted to the police station . It was several hours before I was released . The officers told me that Martin would be held in jail , and that Lainie was free to go . I offered to take her home to my place . She agreed . I had to make a stop at the house , and a police officer escorted Lainie inside so that she could get some clothes and other things . When she came out , she climbed into my truck . Lainie nodded . She stared straight ahead as I drove off . We arrived at my cabin and we went inside . I cooked up a meal and Lainie ate . By this time , she seemed to be coming out of the daze she 'd been in . " It 's okay , Lainie . Of course you were scared , but you 'll be safe now . You 're welcome to stay here as long as you need to . " Lainie thanked me and then she volunteered that she had her job at Jensen 's and had to be at work the next day . I told her to call Mrs . Jensen and tell her what had happened . I was sure she wouldn 't expect Lainie to work . Mrs . Jensen was more than sympathetic to the situation . She had , as the whole town had , already heard about the killing . She told Lainie to take the rest of the week off , and come in for work the following Monday . Martin 's trial was a few months later . Both Kate and Lainie sat with me as the case proceeded . Martin 's parents both testified to Martin 's kindness and gentleness and that seemed to affect the jury . At the end , Martin was given a short sentence , due to the circumstances of Harry 's death . I think that when Lainie testified about her dad 's cruelty to her , the jury felt sorry for her and even looked on Martin as a hero . When Martin was released from prison and came back to town , he didn 't stay around very long . His parents sent him off to college . I heard that he did well there , and found that he had a gift for computer science . I sighed . Martin was in college , the girls were together . Maybe it was time I found someone who would want to share my cabin . There must be some woman out there who 'd like living in the country . Maybe I 'd sign up on one of those dating services . Who knew what tomorrow might bring ? Even for an old guy like me . I rubbed my chin and thought maybe I 'd shave off my beard . It was time I started looking a little less like a mountain man . The story was created as I went along , not planned out , and the chapters show that unfortunately . But , there is something to be said for just writing without too much of a plan . Sometimes the characters take over and do what they wish to do , unruly people . Tagsblogging , original , stories , Wordpress , writing When I learned that Lainie had got the job at Jensen 's Hardware , part of me was happy and part of me was sad . I 'd really wanted that job . I left my house that day , and ran into Kate . Well , I didn 't run into to her literally , of course . I knew that she 'd be at Mayer 's after lunch . Her shift usually ran either eight o ' clock in the morning to four in the afternoon or noon to eight at night . She was there and she siddled up to me and winked . I winked back . We had a good friendship I thought . And she was one of the few kids in school who had never made fun of me . God knows , there were enough of them that did . " Sure , right away . " She walked towards the back and I watched her . I was half torn between my love for Lainie and a strong attraction to Kate . The girls were so different , I decided I was just weird to find them both attractive . It didn 't occur to me that maybe my thoughts were normal for a guy my age . I was used to finding fault with myself , mostly because of the dyslexia and the teasing I 'd got all through school . " Well , good for her ! Give her something for herself , instead of looking after her old man all the time . " As she spoke , Kate lowered her voice and tossed her head towards the back of the restaurant . I saw why as soon as I checked out the room . Lainie 's dad was at a booth with three of his cronies . Mrs . Mayer smiled at me . She said , " I 'm glad to hear that . Her and I have had some bad luck at that game . Too bad I missed that . I was working that night . " She took her leave then , and I finished my meal . I was happy . This was just what I needed . Now both Lainie and I had jobs , and maybe the three of us would make it to that party on Friday night . I worked , then for a couple of days and then it was Friday . Kate picked up Lainie and I in her new car . It was an older model , but nice to look at . It was red , and as she drove us to the party , Kate said she 'd mostly chosen the car because of the color , although her dad had also given her the go ahead when he checked out the mechanics . " Thanks , Martin , but we all know you just want to drink more than us , " said Kate . She grinned so I didn 't feel bad about what she said . Besides , to tell the truth she was right . We were all old enough to drink in our state , and I didn 't mind knocking back a few . I knew that Lainie would have one can at most , while Kate could drink me under the table if she was encouraged . Joking and chatting , we made our way down the path to the lake . There were about thirty people there already . There were quite a few people gathered around a campfire and some of them were toasting marshmallows or roasting wieners . Kate excused herself and went off to talk to some of the other girls , while Lainie and I found a seat on a fallen log just out of the way of the fire and its smoke . I opened the case of beer and handed her one , taking one for myself . We each took a sip and smiled at each other . She congratulated me on the new job and I asked her how the work at Jensen 's was going . Her eyes sparkled , as she said , " Oh , Martin ! It 's the best thing to happen to me ever . I love working there . I just wish my dad was pleased . Seems like nothing I do ever makes him proud of me though . " I landed on my butt , and there was laughter . I turned to look as I got up , and saw Jordan , Jeff and Mark . All three were laughing . I got to my feet , minus the beer and swung at Jeff . Jeff dodged me , stepping back , and I swung at air . Jordan said , " C ' mon guys , let 's go find somebody else to pick on . He 's already lost the beer . " " No way . I think Martin wants to fight . Do you wanna fight , Martin ? " This from Jeff . He loomed over me , a good six inches taller than me . I swung at his chin . I missed . Jeff swung his arm and it connected with my shoulder . Then he pummeled my chest and then my stomach . I dropped to one knee . That 's what we did . Lainie and Kate were both shaken up by what had happened , but not me . This was something that had happened to me before , always those three guys , although sometimes there were others . School had been miserable for me because of it . I don 't know why , but both girls burst into giggles at that . Then I saw the time and I told them I better get going . We said our good byes , and I walked Lainie home and went home myself . I was depressed for part of the walk , after I saw Lainie to her door . I mulled over the beating I 'd got and wondered for the thousandth time just why it was I seemed so likely to attract the bullies in life . Then I started to think about my job at Mayer 's . That was a good thought . It made me smile , and by the time I reached my house I was grinning . Mom and dad were still up , watching a horror movie . I joined them for a while , and then went to bed . As I fell asleep , I wondered if Lainie 's dad had given her any trouble when she got home . Maybe I should have stayed around for a bit . Little did I know what was brewing at her place . Well , Martin was the main speaker this week . I wonder what 's going on at Lainie 's ? I don 't trust that dad of hers at all . It is a very good thing I read this chapter over before I posted . I had some names all confused and that would have been even more confusing to you , the Reader . All fixed , though - I think . The day after Martin and I went out to Mayer 's , I braided my hair into a neat plait , and looked through my small closet . I found the black dress I 'd worn for Mom 's funeral . That would do . I 'd wear it and put on the little gold and pearl chain she 'd given me for that last birthday before she died . I slipped on a pair of flats and I was ready to go . The day was sunny and nearly warm . The walk took a while , as I met up with some of the other neighbors , as they did their yard work , and everyone wanted to chat . I didn 't mind . I thought that my second choice for a job would be at the Golden Age Home . I liked my elderly neighbors . I nodded and took the paper from her hand . I walked to the back of the store and peeked around the corner . There was a small room with a table and chairs , coffee pot and a small fridge . I sat down at the table and looked over the application form . It was simple enough , asking for my name and address . I stopped when I got to the next line , though . I stood up , gathered my pocketbook and the paper , and went back up to where Mrs . Jensen stood . She took the sheet and looked it over . She glanced at me and then she smiled . " Good work , Lainie . You 're hired . Can you start this afternoon ? I 'll give you some company shirts and you can wear your jeans . " " Now , don 't get too excited . It 's not a job that pays a lot , you know . And you 're on probation for the first ninety days . " Mrs . Jensen smiled and I left the shop . I felt like I was walking on air all the way back to the house . I changed into one of the shirts that she 'd given me , and a pair of jeans . Tears filled my eyes , but I refused to let him see . I grabbed my backpack and left the house . I would be early for work , but that was better than late , and I didn 't want to stick around and have dad berate me any more . I spent that afternoon learning what was stocked and where . Mrs . Jensen showed me how to ring up sales on the cash register . She patted my shoulder after I served my first customer . When I got back to the house after work , Dad told me to get him a beer as usual and I made supper . It was a good meal and I was proud of my cooking abilities , but Dad said , as he sat down at the table , " What kind of crap is this ? Salad ? Are you tryin ' to put me on some kinda diet now ? " I agreed with him just to keep the peace . I trembled as I washed the dishes after the meal . I tried not to cry . I told myself that I was a big girl , and didn 't need his approval . Besides , I was never going to get it , no matter what I did or what I tried . I went upstairs and into my room . I read a few pages in Moby Dick . My phone rang . It was Kate . We chatted a bit and I told her about my new job . " Good for you , Lainie ! Say , are you interested in sharing my apartment ? I could use a room mate to help with the bills . And I know how things are between you and your dad . " I told her and we agreed to meet up for a discussion of our plans around six o ' clock . I was so happy I had trouble sleeping that night . This was going to be my successful move out of the house . I 'd get away from my dad , and start a new chapter in my life . One where I was in control and not under my dad 's thumb all the time . When Bert picked me up at the house - for I never , ever thought of it as " home " , he chatted with my Dad for a while until I was ready to go . Bert had a way about him , which made me calm . With Dad , I was always on edge , and never sure if I was doing or saying the right thing . Bert , though , seemed to accept me for who I was and he never , ever belittled me when he came to see my Dad . I hadn 't had much reason to smile these last few months . Dad was hard to get along with , between his drinking and then his impatience with me . I probably deserved it though . I know that when he told me Mom had spoiled me , he was right . I entered the rustic cabin and looked around . The walls were boards and there was a wood stove in the corner . An area with a wood counter , some rough wood cupboards and a hand pump marked out the kitchen . There was an old cook stove front and center . I nodded . Bert left the room and I unpacked my things . I set my Moby Dick book on the nightstand , which was an old wood crate upended . I put on my pink sweater and walked out into the main part of the cabin . Bert had coffee ready as he 'd promised . I sat down at the small table and Bert joined me . He buttered a scone and I did the same . I nodded . I took a sip of coffee and said , " Mom taught me how to cook before she got sick . I was glad when that happened that I could take care of her . " Bert said , " My dad and mom fought a lot when I was a kid . I got used to it , although I never liked it . When they went out that night - going to the bar for drinks - I was left home alone . It was okay with me . Heck , I was fifteen . All grown up , in my way of thinking . Chief Atkins knocked on the door about three hours later . Told me they 'd died in an accident . " Bert hesitated , and then he went on . " Turns out Dad and Mom got to the bar , had a few drinks and then started arguing . The bouncer threw them out . Chief Atkins told me that Dad was driving , and he lost control of the car on that twisty stretch of road just north of town , and went over the center line . Ended up in the direct path of a semi truck . " " Oh , I had my aunt and uncle from Culvert City out to tend to me , for a couple of weeks . They wanted me to go and live with them , since I was a minor , but I refused . Got emancipated in court and then later I moved out here . I 've been here ever since . " " Yeah , I never did good anyway in school . I got a job at the mill for a few years , and used my paychecks to build my cabin . I like the peace and quiet . " " Well , I need someone to keep things up and for a bit of company . Besides , I think you need to be away from your Dad for a while . Just to give him some space . " I looked around and wondered if I would learn to feel at home here . At least I was away from Dad . But it was so quiet ! I was used to town with the busy streets and noise . I wasn 't sure that I 'd fit in here . What else was there for me to do , though ? Jobs were scarce . I walked into my room and sat down in the old rocking chair beside the bed . I picked up my Moby Dick book and started to read . There would be time to think later . For now , I wanted to lose myself in story . I am rather liking Bert . And Martin . I wonder about Lainie , though . Her character seems to me , to be rather slow to develop . Maybe that is a good thing … . Does this photo above make it seem like springtime ? That 's what it does for me . There are flowering trees around my apartment building and I just love to look at them . We are told now to refrain from mowing the dandelions as the bees need them for their food in this earlier part of the season . So don 't mind your neighbors if they appear to be neglecting their lawn . Perhaps they , too , are trying to help our dwindling bee population ! Tagscharacters , creative writing , original I went home and tore up the job application . What else could I have done ? I wanted a job ; Lainie needed it . I checked my phone for messages when I came out of the bathroom . Nothing . I 'd been hoping to hear from a friend , Jordan . His parents owned a resort several miles out of town . They had need of someone to help out with snow clearing and janitorial work inside the lodge . A lot of people booked in to ski and while I didn 't ski , Jordan did . He was a real athlete and I envied him the collection of girls that always hung around him . In the morning , Mom was cooking breakfast when I came downstairs . I still hadn 't heard anything from Jordan . I guessed I 'd have to look for work in town after all . He handed me a green apron , so large that I could tie it around my waist three times . It looked clean enough . Mr . Harrison had a reputation in town for being reliable and good to his customers and staff . I felt lucky to be part of his " team " as he called his employees . He led me into the back and introduced me to Paul , who had been ahead of me two years in high school . He was a big guy . He 'd played football and was a member of the winning state team . They 'd gone all the way to the semi finals the last year he played . " I 'll show you around and then I gotta get back to cutting up meat . That skill can wait for another day , but I 'll teach you . No worries . " Paul and I removed our aprons and went for lunch next door at Maxine 's . She had a small lunch counter and made good coffee . I had a ham and cheese sandwich with fries , and Paul had a steak sandwich . We chatted a bit , and Paul asked me about Lainie . " Yeah , he had to leave his job and then the bills started to pile up . I had a choice and I made it . I 'm not sorry . Shawna and I are gonna get married next June . " We went back to work . The rest of the day flew by . I had a lot of cleaning and scrubbing to do but nothing I couldn 't handle . At the end of the day , I walked home , pleased that I 'd be able to tell Mom and Dad I was now a member of the workforce . " Good for you , " she said . " Your dad said you were going to come home with good news . That man sure does dote on you , Martin . " " I know . After - " she hesitated a moment , before she went on , " after your brother running away , I think he 's put all his hopes on you . Sometimes I think it 's too big a burden for you to have to bear . " Where , oh where is this story going I wonder ? The ski hill and Jordan just popped in there this week . Let 's see if Bert gets cleaned up and whether or not poor Lainie can get some much needed self confidence … Are there any writers here interested in ProWritingAid ? The link above will get me an extended paid period if the software is purchased by visitors from my sites . As you may have guessed , I use it regularly . Tagscharacters , creative writing , stories , writing I dropped Lainie off at her dad 's but I sure was sorry to have to do it . I had my suspicions all along that she might not last out at my place , working for me , but I hoped she would settle in . At least then she 'd be away from her dad . I knew the man wasn 't all there in some ways . He hadn 't been right since he came back off active duty . PTSD or something I think . It didn 't take him long to start in on the booze . After his wife died , there was only Lainie to take care of him . I think he resented it . That he needed to be taken care of . It can be hard for a proud man to need help from anyone . And his daughter - what made it worse was that Harry told me a long time ago that he didn 't believe Lainie was his . I nodded and we finished our beers . Harry called for more , and we spent the rest of that night in the bar drinking and commiserating with each other . I was a good twenty years younger than Harry . I 'd met him when I started to go into the bar when I turned twenty one . He was sort of a father figure I suppose . My own dad walked out one night when I was eight years old , to get cigarettes . He never came back . Mom refused to talk about him when he was gone . I grew up thinking I 'd done something to make my dad leave me and Mom . " Some men just can 't take responsibility , Bert . Some men have to walk away . Me , I never did , even when I thought my kid wasn 't mine . I stayed . Watched Jenna die . Hated that . " Harry stopped going to the bars soon after that . He 'd got mugged walking home one night and that sort of scared him , I think . Me , I wasn 't much of a drinker anyways , and one DWI was enough . I got off with a fine that I really couldn 't afford , and a tow fee for my old truck . Learned my lesson . When Lainie stopped me on the street outside Mayer 's one day , and asked if I had need of a housekeeper , I said , " Sure do . " It was more because I felt sorry for the kid , than requiring help . She was all ready three days later , when I pulled up at their house , and Harry opened the door . He nodded to me and said , " She won 't last . Too incompetent . Too childish . " I ignored what he said , and turned to Lainie who stood with her head down , and her face hidden . I wondered if she were trying not to cry . Poor kid . " Let 's get the truck loaded with your things , Lainie , " I said , picking up her backpack and her old brown suitcase . She had a big paper bag too , which she carried out to the truck . Harry followed us , and he said a gruff , " Good bye . I bet I see you within days , girl . " Lainie 's shoulders drooped . I said to her , " Lainie , hop in . We 'll stop at the food store for some supplies before I take you home . " I drove down the street and turned onto Main . The Red and White foodstore was crowded with shoppers . They were offering a big sale for the fourth of July celebrations that were coming in a couple of days . I let Lainie shop mostly . She seemed to know what foods we 'd need . She chattered away to me , and I noticed how she was different when her dad wasn 't around . We headed back to my place , then , and hauled the stuff into the cabin . She carried her fair share , and I was surprised to see how strong the kid was . She was so thin and waif like . It took three tries to write this chapter . Everything I wrote before was too predictable and not in the least interesting . I decided to go back and explore the other characters a little - Bert and Lainie 's father , Harry . Blogs I FollowCharlie Saysroads bel travelledMaxxesbooktopia MovieBabbleOlive + ClokeithgarrettpoetryWatching the DaisiesLilian CassCallum B . Downesunbolt meputtingthedogtosleeptonysbologna : Honest . Satirical . Observations . 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When I look back at the events that caused me to get here … well , quite frankly , I find myself preferring not to look back . The events don 't make sense , and so the story doesn 't appeal to my love of reason . But I have to look , in order to appreciate completely how fortunate I am to be alive right now , how fortunate to have Ella for my wife , and , for a friend , Zach , an individual I hardly noticed existed at all before . Here is what happened : this morning , as I walked the dogs across 26th street , I was struck by a cab . I had just started to cross the street , heading up Fifth Avenue , as a cab came barreling down Fifth looking for a fare , scanning the crowd , seeing but not seeing me . I remember looking at the cab , seeing a green light and " walk " sign , and saying to myself , ' he 's not going to stop . ' The cab hit my leg , sending me into the air . My head crashed down on the cab 's front grill and that tossed me into the air again . I had the bizarre image of myself being bounced by this cab , flying with legs flailing - or was I gracefully floating ? Who knew ? And why should I worry about that , now that my death was most certainly here . How ridiculous to worry about appearances at a time like this , but I did . I should tell you that I am not a small person . I have enjoyed many dinners and much fine wine . I wondered about the dogs , too ; and almost immediately , I guessed that they were dead . The reverie ended when I landed hard on my right hip , bleeding profusely from the head and staring into the discarded wrapper of a Snickers bar … This is the story : Somewhere along the year , I had lot my focus and awoke one morning about two years ago to discover that I was not the person I had meant to be when I started out . Since that time , I 've been on a long pilgrimage to find my home and my heart . Perhaps it was the Wall Street background , that wonderful , wild time of making money , obscene amounts of money , and unrepentant spending that had turned me off course . But there I was ; no longer the idealistic teacher , shirtsleeves rolled , drilling children of migrant farm workers in the niceties of the English language , but a middle - aged , slightly jaded , definitely paunchy , just a bit boozy , rich but restless man . So I did the only thing I could do , confronted with this image . I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror , opened my mouth and yawned . " Honey , " the Wife called from the bedroom . " Did you bring in the paper ? I can 't find it . " Her voice drifted off , the sentences muffled as she roamed the room , head bobbing under the bed and darting into the closet . " No , " I answered , then realized it was in my hand . " Jesus , " I said , " I 'm losing it . " Then I told her I had it , and we went downstairs to drink the usual coffee . The mugs were the same , as always . They had been wedding presents and each bore our names . By habit , she took mine and I hers . The kitchen table was the same … hell , the Wife before me was the same , and she was magnificent : over - thirty and still thin , attractive , intelligent , sensitive : the perfect trophy wife . She wasmore than that , of course , but … you know … she was what every man wanted , and she was mine . I loved her , but I wanted more from her than just this ; I wanted … . what ? I did a usual man - thing . I scratched my chin and the stubbly cheek . " It just seems like something I should do . I used to go as a child . I don 't feel right ; I don 't feel like myself . " " No … yes . " I looked her square in the eye . " We need to change . I need to change . I miss the person I used to be . " " You mean schlepping around with the migrant farmers ? I thought you had gotten over that long ago . " She thumbed through the magazine section , not looking up . She sipped coffee . " Not that , maybe . I don 't think I have the stamina for that . But I just have this vague feeling that I ought to be doing something other than the usual . " " That 's the ticket . " She put her mug down . " You are getting a little thick around the waist , my love . " She smiled , blew me a kiss across the table . She knew me so well . The gym seemed more palatable than church ; that word brought up images of clerics in collars that pinched . I had been an acolyte . I knew what those vestments could do to you . No ; better to go to the gym . I did … and the exercise felt good . I went back daily for the next couple of months and got most of my old body back . The Wife looked at my progress and announced it was time to go dancing , which we did . She looked marvelous and so did I . That annoying feeling had passed . " Guy , you look great , " someone said , kissing air near me as I swirled the Wife around the floor . " Been exercising ? " I smiled and we dipped another voice continued . " Ever hear from Frank ? " I nearly dropped the Wife . Frank had been a good friend in college . We hadn 't seen each other in 15 years , and I felt myself uncomfortably brought back to the last time we had . He had invited us to dinner . Actually , we cooked it . He was ill and at the last moment couldn 't face raw meat , but he greeted us warmly : gave the Wife a big , noisy kiss and me the usual bear hug . Frank had always been a big man , although now he had lost a lot of weight . I looked great , and I told him so . He had smiled then , rather oddly , but at the time I let it go . We chatted about this and that as the Wife and I put the meal together . Elegantly prepared , it was , presented on the best china and complemented by the best wine . What 's the occasion , we finally had asked in that slightly disinterested way people have when they don 't expect a really big answer in response . Actually , our minds were on a more pressing question : what would be for dessert . I 'm not proud of our reaction . Right off , we both remembered that big kiss . The wife 's hand went up to her cheek automatically before , aghast , she slammed it back into her lap . I tried to remember if I had kissed her since then , and felt ashamed for wanting to separate myself from her possible bad fortune so quickly . I tried to remember just how one went about getting AIDS in the first place . Could a kiss do it ? We cringed and looked at each other . Frank put his glass down and answered quite matter - of - factly : " Yes , I am . It 's just a question of how soon . So , in the meantime , I 'm going to live well and be merry . For tomorrow … you know . " He had a little flourish with his hand . We did know , and a few months later , we went to his funeral . It was a small scale , very quiet affair . I watched the priest , a young man , perform the ceremony . I saw the earth being dropped on the coffin . I could hear the sound , hollow and final . The memory of Frank with his fading life , coming just then on the dance floor , ripped away something from my heart . " Darling , " I said to the Wife , " I have to go . " She looked at me quickly , but didn 't argue . In the car , she said , " You want to tell me what 's going on ? Are you thinking about Frank ? " " Oh , Lord , " she muttered . " Mid - life again . Honey , I don 't mean to be unsympathetic , but you have a good life . You don 't have to question yourself . You don 't have to suffer . You 've worked hard , made good money been a good provider . You 're okay . Really . You 've earned the right to be … well , very , very comfortable . Or is it that you want to conquer something else ? " The next day , I decided to work at home . I couldn 't get anything done and ended up watching a talk show in the late afternoon . The topic was spirituality . I shuddered and channel surfed , but nothing else was on . I drank coffee and smoked a cigar as the host droned on about inner children and God . I thought it was all a waste of time until , two days later , I passed a bookstore , saw the photo of the author who 'd been hawking the book on the show , and found myself purchasing it . God , what drivel , I thought … but I kept on reading . " God is in your life , " the Wife observed . " God has always been in your life . He just hasn 't been a real big presence . " I thought that was true and slammed the book in the night table drawer , vowing to forget about things . And I did , for a long time . The Wife and her friends took off for a few days in the Caymans and left me at home with the dogs . We ate steak and generally misbehaved . Then , feeling the need for some adventure , we took a long walk in unfamiliar territory . We strolled along , not thinking about much , as the neighborhood changed from glitzy shops with brass hangings to supermarkets , and then those expensive but junky convenience grocery stores . The dogs were delighted with the change in environment because there was so much more to sniff here . Bits of chicken bone and fruit were all over the sidewalk . They got into a wild frenzy over some leaving or another , and refused to budge . I yanked and called , but they ignored me . When I got over being indignant , I looked up and found myself standing adjacent to a soup kitchen line . Although I have been concerned with the poor and disadvantaged most of my life , it had been a long time since I had been close to them . Or talked with them , sat with them on purpose , or tried to personally help them . My days of idealism were very , very far away . Then , suddenly , there they were : The Poor . " Do you mind ? People are getting ready to eat here , " someone said indignantly . I was caught up short , then realized what was the problem . My dogs had relieved themselves on the sidewalk . " Some people got no manners . No upbringing . " " I 'm sorry , " I stammered , feeling stupid . I searched my pockets for the newspaper I always bring to clean up , but found I hadn 't any . " I don 't seem to … " This was horrible . Here I was , rich , successful , middle - aged and quite well - intentioned , standing outside a church soup kitchen with two dogs who had defecated , and I was powerless to make good of the situation . Part of me said I shouldn 't be at all concerned ; it wasn 't my fault . The other part was appalled . " Here , " a woman said , shoving a Herald into my hand . I 've always loathed that paper . I scooped up the mess , feeling all eyes on my back . " I 'm sorry , " I murmured again . Then I yanked the dogs and hurried down the street . We rushed home after that . I had a scotch and told myself it meant nothing . But the next day , I went back , without the dogs . No , don 't ask . I don 't know why . The church was closed , and I actually felt relief . Whatever it was I was supposed to do there could be put off for another day . Happily , I turned on my heel and started down the street toward home . A homeless man passed me . I reached into my pocket and gave him a coin . He didn 't say " thank you , " and for a moment I was disappointed , but I let it go . Our hands had touched briefly ; I looked down at mine , expecting it to be soiled or changed in some way , but it was still just my hand . That small touch had felt good , though , tingly , and that was troubling . I told myself to stop being crazy , go home and have a good stiff drink , and clean myself up a little before the Wife got home . She looked glorious . Tanned just enough to still be healthy , rested . I had missed her . An hour or two after her arrival , as we lie in bed , I told her about the soup kitchen episode . As much as I wanted to ignore it , I couldn 't keep my mind away . " … . so there I was , with the dogs and no newspaper , " I was telling her , " and I had this horrible feeling of inadequacy . No matter how much I reminded myself that I was worth a hell of a lot to the bank , I still felt that way . I told myself , these are just poor people I 'd never see again in my life and certainly didn 't have to worry about offending , but I did worry about it , and I can 't stop worrying about it . Somehow , those people are important to me . " " Honey , " she said . " You spend your life making business deals over the phone , or the computer . You 've earned enough to distance yourself from any kind of work that isn 't intellectual . Your dealings with people are mostly surface - social , except , of course , for me . You 're cut off . Those people drew you back in , somehow . Woke you up . Made you see them . Maybe what you 've been going through isn 't a mid - life crisis . Maybe it 's a spiritual thing . " I was amazed . In all the years we had been married , Ella had never spoken to me of those kinds of things . " What do you mean , a spiritual thing ? " " Remember when you were wanting to go to church and I told you to go to the gym ? I thought you were just dissatisfied with yourself , feeling restless . But it 's not that . You 're … disconnected . We both are . Actually , I discovered almost the same thing about myself over the last few days . " She looked over at me cautiously , turning on her side so she could see my reaction . I tried to look clam , but my heart was racing . We were onto something . " I had been playing tennis with Freida , and she was going on about - I don 't know , something - and I decided to walk along the beach by myself . It was a clear day , with no wind . I was just standing there , looking out at the ocean , humming to myself , when I felt something brush against my cheek . Very softly , like a caress , but it had energy to it . My face tingled . I thought it was a strand of hair or something brushing against me , but there was nothing there . " She paused , and I could think of nothing to say , so I just stroked her back . She continued : " My mother used to tell me about getting chills like that . " She paused again . " She said it was God . " Well , I wasn 't quite ready for that , although I remembered a tingly feeling on my own hand when I 'd given the man on the street some change . Ella had always been a good person . She 'd been right there with me back in my teaching days , and she had never complained . She was good and caring . But she had never mentioned the " G " word to me in quite that way , and my sense was that she acted more out of a social consciousness than what they used to call " Christian charity . " Those words , even now , make me shudder . I had to tell her the truth . " Yes , it does . You don 't think we 're … . you know … getting a little soft upstairs ? " We both got up early the next morning , happy but restless . It was Wednesday . I went to work ; Ella had a committee meeting . Her work . I shouldn 't talk as if it wasn 't work , too . She called me twice during the day , just to check on me , and that was reassuring . I wasn 't sure that we weren 't going off a deep end myself . On the tail end of the second conversation , I said , " I want to go back to the soup kitchen tonight , if they 're open . " " I don 't know . Whatever they need , I guess . I haven 't the slightest idea . " I wasn 't kidding . I really didn 't . So we went . Ella went through a frenzy over what she was wearing . Did she look too dressed ? Was she trying to dress down on purpose , and was that condescending ? Finally , we decided to wear what we would usually wear if we were just hanging around the house . On the way , I wondered if my organizational skills might be of use . I knew how to put a company together ; surely I could organize a bunch of homeless people . By the time we reached the church , I had convinced myself that Ella and I could bring order into the chaos that no doubt ensued . I felt comfortable with that role . I 'd be helping , and I 'd take charge . We opened the door , walked confidently down the steps and into the wrong line . " Then I 'll take it . " A toothless woman with buzz cut hair stuck her hand out at me , demanding my driver 's license . " Downsized ? " " You . Downsized ? " It dawned on me that she thought I was coming to get food . I was appalled . Then I was appalled that I was appalled . " Oh . Well , then you 're in the wrong line . You need to go over there and talk to Helen . But she may not need any extras tonight . " It had never occurred to me that my help might not be needed . I turned to Ella , who didn 't seem to be upset by any of this . She was looking around , smiling at children . This was going down a lot easier with her and I wanted to know why . " Hold your horses . They may come up with something . " We stood on life for a half hour before finally getting to speak to Helen . She was perky , polite , and not terribly pleased to see us . It turned out that we had no particular skill to offer that was needed . We didn 't know the social service system , so couldn 't help with referrals . We could serve behind tables , but all the slots were filled . We might have been useful sorting clothing donations , but they hadn 't received many that evening , and what they had were already folded up . There I stood , with my English degree and MBA and money in the bank , totally useless to humanity . " Don 't take it so hard . We tried , " Ella said . " This just wasn 't our niche . And it 's not the only soup kitchen in town . " I nodded in agreement and we left . Back at the apartment , I decided to take the dogs for a walk while Ella soaked in the tub . I would have been perfectly happy to forget the whole deal except that the nagging feeling that I should be doing something was back again . I unleashed the dogs in the park and watched them run across the field . The summer evening was lovely . " Go ahead and run . All you 've got to worry about is being a dog , " I muttered under my breath . " Nobody nags you about doing more o be more dog - like . " I realized that what I was saying made absolutely no sense , told myself to be quiet , and leaned back on a bench . Diagonally across from me were several lumps of discarded clothing . Thinking that I might gather them up and take them to the soup kitchen - and prove myself useful after all , so there - I went over and reached for the nearest clump , which looked like a raincoat . I heard the knife being unsheathed , and hastily pulled my hand away . The blade barely missed my fingers . I didn 't know what to say . For the second time that evening , I felt humiliated and stupid in the presence of a homeless person . " I 'm sorry . I thought you were a bunch of clothes . " Now that sounded really intelligent . " I mean … I thought someone had dropped clothing here and I was going to take them to the soup kitchen . " That was reasonable , wasn 't it ? " Even better . " He turned his hand , palm up . I saw myself placed a beloved Monte Cristo into his very grubby hand . It disappeared into the clump . The end of the cigar came flying out a second or two later . " Got a light ? " " Yeah , you were . It 's what any reasonable person would have thought in the situation . It 's what I would have thought in the situation . " Again , I didn 't know what to say . It was tiresome , being at a disadvantage like this . I handed over the lighter . He lit up and handed it back . " See ? We 're not all thieves . " He puffed a few times , didn 't cough , and sat up . For the first time , I saw a face and hair . He was not bad looking at all . An odor of something unpleasant but earthy emanated from the clothing and mingled with the cigar smoke . It was nauseating . He must have seen my face . I was embarrassed to answer . " Of course not , ya ninny , " he said . " And , by the way , I was raised to offer my name when the other party has offered his . " He had a point . I extended my hand and told my name . I could feel the grit from his hand now on mine . And as hard as I tried , I couldn 't keep myself from glancing down to see how dirty I was or if there was something crawling . I hope he didn 't notice . I could tell that he was about to say " ooh la - la , " but resisted the impulse marvelously . " Well , Guy , it 's been nice talkin ' with ya , but I have things to do . And your dogs are halfway to Jersey by now . " I had forgotten about them . I looked around frantically . They were on a slope , not too far from me , but far enough to give concern . I called to them ; they ignored me at first , then slowly made their way back . " I guess . " I wondered if we could get back to speaking in full sentences . " This probably is going to sound strange , but I 'm glad to have met you tonight . " It was true , but almost immediately I wished I hadn 't said that . " Are you , Guy ? " Zach said . " And why is that , Guy ? Were you longing to connect with the downtrodden sector of humanity ? Were you eager to do good ? " That made me angry . " I don 't need this from you , " I said , and went off to get the dogs . He may have been right , but I thought it was arrogant of him to say so . " How would you feel if I 'd done that to you , " he shouted after me . " How about I go into your home to experience ' the rich ' and shake your hand and pass out a cigar … not a very good one , either . . " That made me angrier . It had been one of my best cigars . I leashed the dogs and came back . I had to admit that he was right . I didn 't have to give him the cigar . I gave it because I felt I ought to be generous . " Next time , if you don 't want to give something , don 't . " Two days later , I went back to the park . I thought Zach was infuriating and rude , but I needed him to learn - I don 't know what . Something about myself , I suppose . And I needed to tell him what I thought of his own manner . He could use some self - examination as well . There was the same clump of clothing . I sat down a few feet from it . This time , I had come with two cigars . I thought we might share a smoke . " Zach , " I began awkwardly , " it 's Guy . I 'm back . I have two cigars this time . I was thinking about what you said about not giving unless I wanted to , and you were right . That wasn 't giving ; it was me trying to be good . And I did it grudgingly . I want to get it right this time . So I have two cigars here . One for me , the other for you , if you like . I 'll just put it on the bench . You can take it , if you feel like it . Fair enough ? " The clump of clothing never moved . I waited a moment , then forged ahead . " I also thought you were pretty arrogant . Just because you 're poor doesn 't give you the right to be offensive or rude . It 's not a privilege , being poor . You don 't have to be poor . I 'm rich because I 've worked hard for my money . Nobody gave it to me . Well , some was in a trust fund , but the rest I earned myself . I don 't have to share anything I have with you . I don 't . I just … want to . " " That 's a pretty good speech you 're giving to a pile of dirty clothes . " I turned around , startled . There was Zach . I looked at the pile and sputtered . " Evidently . " He pointed to himself . " This , however , is me . That , " he pointed to the pile on the bench , " is my laundry . " " I heard all of that . Nice cigar . Don 't mind if I do . " He broke off the tip , and poised it in his mouth for a light . " Go ahead . I know you got one . " I obliged , this time without misgivings . " Is this the part where we do some male bonding ? I 'm supposed to tell you the story of my life ? How I fell on hard times ? How I was abused as a child ? " " Well , it wasn 't that way , and I don 't want to . " He puffed contentedly . " So just exactly how much are you worth ? " " Of course not . I don 't have it in bills . It 's tied up in real estate and some bonds and other investments . I almost don 't know it 's there . " " I mean , what are you accumulating it for ? You ain 't got no kids . You seem to have everything you want . Why are you keeping the rest of it ? " Zach spread his hands out before him . " Well , then . That 's different . You can 't exactly give money to a person you 've only seen twice . Better to give it to an organization . That 's much cleaner . " He glanced down at my hands . " And you don 't get your hands dirty , either . " " Guy , I 'll tell ya . I don 't know . I mean , it 's not as if you 're enhancing my life overly , although the cigars are nice . " I stifled a protest . " I guess somehow I just like you . You 're honest . Honestly a boob . You don 't know what you 're doing , and neither do I . " " This is a ridiculous conversation . I 'm not going to continue it . " I felt decidedly uncomfortable and got up to leave . " How could you even think such a thing . " " Well , you 're not receiving any of my money . " I stomped off with the dogs running to catch up with me . Later , I told Ella about the conversation . I took a sip of wine . " That 's almost exactly what he said … about asking , I mean . Are you sure you two haven 't met ? " " No , but I 'd like to … I think . Does he usually smell ? Not that I couldn 't get past it , but I 'd like to know in advance so I could be prepared . " " Hmm . " I thought it over . Where would the friendship go ? Was I supposed to start inviting him over to dinner ? Thanksgiving ? Christmas ? What exactly were we to each other , anyway ? " We 'll see , " Ella replied . I looked up , startled by the challenge but not wanting to pursue it . She 'd change her mind soon enough . It was probably just a passing thought . " Yes . " She looked surprised and I felt gratified and savvy . " I had the same reaction . But that 's him . " Always the adventurous soul , she moved toward the clothes , peered in , and discreetly , sniffed . " Yes , " I muttered . " She 's quite splendid . " As they shook hands , she suddenly gave him an odd look , as if she 'd recognized something . " That 's kind to say . " He turned toward me . " See ? I can have a nice , civilized conversation when I want to . " I made a face . I had had about enough of him at that point and made motions as if to leave . Ella got my hint and extended her hand . " It was nice meeting you , " she said . Their hands touched and , again , she gave him that strange look . " Did we ? " She seemed to need a moment to think about it . " I felt a tingling in my hand . Both times . Like on my face in the Caymans . It was odd , that 's all . I guess he felt something , too . " Months passed , and gradually I came to know other people who lived in the park . There was Ann , who always dressed as a man to avoid attacks , and Floyd , who drank too much , period , and Andy , who was crippled in one leg , and Bernice the hooker and Ralph the addict and Fernando , the Crazy Man . Those were their outward identities ; over time , I came to know who they really were . For me , Ann was most touching . Ann was a singer ; is a singer , I should say . She still has the most beautiful voice , but her mind has gone . She used to perform in a club in the village until her boyfriend got jealous and , in a fight , tossed acid in her face . Now , all along her jaw and just above one eye is flesh that looks like putty . I always wanted to take my hand and push it back into shape . One day , she let me touch it . That was the day she told me her story . As I ran a finger along her jaw , she started humming , then the humming turned into a true melody , then the melody gained words : " There was this guy who came and sat in the front . Big guy . In those days , I was a platinum blonde , with really nice … you know " - she motioned towards her bosom - " and the men always like to watch me . I think they also liked my singing , but mostly it was the other . I didn 't mind . I loved singing , and I was getting paid . So I was singing this song , and the man gets up and starts to move to the stage . I said , ' hold on , lover boy . You know I can 't share my spotlight with anyone else . You 've got to stay down there and let me sing . ' He wasn 't having it , though , and went right on up to the stage with me . Starting singing the song along with me , crooning and laughing . Couldn 't sing worth spit , and he was drunk . You could smell it every time he exhaled . I tried to play along . ' Lover , ' I said , just as a joke , ' you 've got to try to stay on pitch . You dragging me down . You got to do better if you want to be in a duet with me . ' Why did I say that . Elvin came charging from the back of the room somewhere . I couldn 't really see him until he got close because of the spotlight in my eyes . He was shouting something about our being a duet and why was I calling him " lover . " I tried to tell him I was just foolin ' , playing along with this guy because he was so drunk and I didn 't want him to ruin my act . You know , all my life I 've wanted to sing in a club and wear beautiful dresses like that , and this was my chance . I didn 't want to blow it . I 'd only been there three weeks . Anyway , he wouldn 't listen . He started yelling and pushing at the guy . The poor drunk could barely stand up . Then I saw the bouncer coming towards the stage . All I could think was that I was gonna get fired . ' Please , honey , ' I said , ' let me handle this . It 'll be okay . He 's just had a little too much to drink . ' Then I realized that Elvin also had had a little too much to drink . He reached in his pocket and before I could duck , he threw something at me . I could feel it stinging my face and throat . I rubbed at it She drifted off down the road , dodging the falling leaves , singing to herself . And that was Ann 's story , just about the only story she could keep together in her head . She had lost her mind over the idea that the man shoe loved had wanted to hurt her . She must have cared very much . When I first heard her story , I had thought : aside from Ella , I 'm not sure that I 've ever cared that much about another person . And even with Ella , it 's not the same thing . If she left me - God forbid - but if she did , I would hurt , I 'd be angry , but I wouldn 't lose myself ; I would go on and eventually find someone else . I know I would find someone else , or one of our friends would fix me up . It would be more - well , the hell with that . I 'm not sure which is the healthier attitude , or if either is healthy . Her dependence on that relationship unnerved me . Floyd , on the other hand , never said much of anything to me . He was just someone I grew to realize existed as part of the gang . He hardly spoke to anyone , as far as I could tell ; just quietly listened and nodded and drank and drank and drank . Someone told me he had been a prep school teacher once , but I don 't know if that was the truth . Imagine what might have been in his brain , what might still be lodged in there somewhere if he ever sobered up . Perhaps hundreds of students had sat listening to Floyd in a corduroy jacket with elbow patches teach them about … what ? Great Expectations . I had loved that story . After awhile , I got used to just nodding in Floyd 's direction , then sitting down next to him . He had a comforting kind of presence . And that 's the thing that surprised me most . Although he never spoke to me , we did relate . I remember the first time he offered me a drink from his bottle . My face must have shown horror when he extended it in my direction , because he instantly pulled it back , rummaged through his pockets , produced a filthy handkerchief , and wiped the bottle neck " clean " for me . The thought of putting my mouth on that bottle was loathsome , but " Floyd , " I said one evening , " why don 't you talk anymore ? " He had looked at me rather carefully , not at all sadly , and shook his head . Then he stretched his arms out in front of him as if to suggest that the world was self - explanatory . Or maybe that there weren 't enough words to explain the world . I 'll never know . Zach used to watch me and kind of snicker as I got to know the others . I don 't know what he was thinking , and I never asked , but I caught him looking . Once he nodded - - I suppose with approval but I 'm not sure - and often he shook his head as if I 'd missed the point . Other than that , he just stood by and let me become part of the gang . We got into a regular routine . We came to expect each other . Maybe we even took each other for granted . With a kind of quiet eagerness I would leash the dogs and stroll down to the park , wondering what they were up to , savoring the thought of being amidst people who talked to me rather than my money . It took me a long time to realize that was what I enjoyed so much about them . No one cared whether I worked or not or made money or not . In the park , with Zach and Ann and Floyd , I could simply be Guy . It made me feel free . Summer sailed gradually into autumn , autumn swiftly shifted to winter . I pulled on a leather coat against the cold , called the dogs , and headed to our spot . The benches were empty . Wind blew stray papers in tiny whirlwinds in the place Zach always used to be . I looked around for the usual clumps of clothing , but there were none . They all had vanished from sight . There was only the wind , a voice of thin silence . I was horrified . The dogs wandered aimlessly around the benches , sniffing for clues . I shocked myself with my own disappointment . Why hadn 't they told me they were leaving ? Or had the police chased them away or locked them up ? Friends aren 't supposed to treat each other that way , I caught myself ranting , then realized what I had said : they were my friends . I was angry because they were my friends and had gone away without me . My period of mourning did not last long , however . Ella and I packed up for the winter home and disappeared ourselves for several months . The first few days were sunny and fine . I ate extraordinary amounts of seafood , drank martinis , stared into perfect sunsets . There was beauty all around me , and there I sat , the ugliest emotions taking turns with me . Anger and betrayal , hurt , wounded pride … all these paraded themselves before me and refused to go away . I saw myself clearly for what I had become , and what I might be . Ella was right : I was disconnected from people and what Zach and the others had succeeded in doing was to bring me back . The best vacation money could buy was not enough to make me myself again . It was the worst season of my life , except that I came to appreciate Ella more . It was as if I had bought a pearl and was discovering that there was an even finer diamond hidden inside . She understood my confusion over the loss of the gang ; at times , she would come to me and simply take my hand , stroke it , or touch my face . " They 'll be back , " she reassured me countless times , although I didn 't believe her . " I don 't care , " I usually said . It felt childish and sounded even moreso . I was bored with myself . I was angry with myself . I heard all the conversations I 've had over the years about Ella , and always I 'd be calling her , " The Wife . " Why did I do that ? Even when I tried to compliment her , I described her as a jewel I 'd purchased . Ella is a jewel , but she is more : she is my wife . Flesh of my flesh . Beloved . How could I have seen her as a trophy ? The feeling of shame drenched me , then quickly turned into gratitude that I di , after all , have some time left to rectify things . " Ella , I want you to marry me . " No , I had said it all wrong . I tried again before she could speak . " What I mean is , would you marry me , again ? " " Guy , that 's the most romantic thing you 've ever said to me . That anyone has ever said to me . " She looked misty - eyed . " It 's true . I knew you were a good catch when we married ; I never know , however , how deep your waters ran . Or maybe I never gave you a chance to show me . If that 's the case , I 'm sorry . But I 'm awfully glad I finally found out . " " You 've changed , and at the same time , you haven 't , " she said . " In the past year , it 's almost as if you 've been like Rip Van Winkle coming out of a long sleep . I wonder , sometimes , where it is you 've been . " " I don 't know . Lost . Or sleep - walking . I don 't know . I 've been living by a whole different set of rules than I did when I was young . And it 's only just become clear to me that these new rules , the ones I 've lived by for the past thirty years or so just don 't work . They don 't make me happy . That 's the thing : I was cared for , pampered even , but never happy . Now , in the morning , I open my eyes and you are there , just as always . But also , I know that Zach and Ann are there . I know that Floyd is out there … somewhere . We have our other friends , of course , but those aren 't the same . Our friends know us because of who we are , except for a few . Most know us because of your committees or my business . These people knew me for me . They saw … . well , they saw my soul . You see my soul , don 't you ? Perhaps you always have . " I stopped for a moment to catch a breath . Heaven only knew what I was saying . I kept grasping for words and finding them inadequate . Finally , I just sat there with my hands palm up on my knees , staring at Ella , shaking my head in confusion . I said : " I open my eyes and you are there , and I thank God … " and couldn 't say anything else . I just sat there , looking at her . Ella took my hand , squeezed it a little and said the words of the vow we had exchanged decades ago : " With all that I am , and all that I have , I honor you . And this is what I have , " I said , giving her my opened hand . " This is all that I have in the world to give to you : myself . " I knew exactly what I had to do when we returned . Without unpacking , I headed for the park , for Zach . I looked everywhere . But he was still gone . I asked if anyone had seen him , and just about everybody looked at me as if I was a crazy man . Well , you have to admit , saying to people , " Zach . You know … the man who used to sit over there , looking like a pile of dirty clothes … . Have you seen him ? " Well , would you have taken me seriously ? I supposed I shouldn 't have expected to find him - - after all , it had been months since we had been together here - but I just had a feeling that he was around somewhere close . I called to the dogs , and began walking along the avenue . Perhaps he was panhandling on a corner , or had just picked another spot to call home . Maybe he was in his car - or had taken a job after all this time - it was possible - the thoughts were running through my mind when , suddenly , I saw him standing just across the street from me on Fifth Avenue . I raised my hand to wave ; amazingly , he saw and waved back in response , grinning broadly . I was grinning , too . " Zach , " I yelled foolishly . " I have something to tell you . I want to give you the money . You were right . I don 't need it . I want you to have it . We 'll go to the bank together , right now . You don 't have to wait for me to die . Here - I 'm coming . " I took a step into the street . Out of the corner of my eye , I saw the cab approaching , not seeing me . And then I was face down on the street , oozing blood and staring idiotically into the wrapper of the Snickers bar . Soon , I saw a pair of feet . " Guy , you idiot , " Zach was saying . " Look at you . Look at what 's happened to you . Now I 'm going to have to save your life . " I managed to turn my head a bit so I could look up at him . There seemed to be a light around him . Maybe it was the bump on my head doing things to my vision . But Zach had a white light surrounding him as he spoke . " Zach , " I started to say , but he cut me off . " No , don 't talk . " He closed his eyes a moment , then reached out his hand and touched my head , my back , my arms , my legs . It happened so quickly . Shudders passed through my body . I wondered if these were the convulsions I 'd heard accompany death . " My dogs … . Zach . Do you see my dogs ? " Zach looked around , then moved out of my vision . " They 're under the car . And they 're safe , " He said . " I 'll take them home . Listen , Guy , " he knelt down and looked me in the eye . " Don 't tell anyone about me , or what I 've just done , okay ? It 'll be our little secret . Okay ? " " Tell them what ? " I didn 't understand . Then there were all these people around me . Someone shouted , " that bum 's trying to rob him . I saw him patting him down . Hold him … someone call the police … hold him ! He 's getting away … " Then I lost consciousness and awoke in the emergency room . I felt fine . The doctor was looking at me , puzzled . " You 've just been in a major collision . Police say the cab threw you three feet into the air . You landed on the hood , slid down to the fender , hit your head and your leg , wham , on the pavement , and nothing 's broken . Not even a scratch . There was blood at the scene , but none coming from you , apparently . Someone said there was a bum with you . Did he get hit ? " " No , he was across the street . And he 's not a bum . He was a friend of mine . " I tried to sit up . He pushed me back down . So that 's the story . Maybe I haven 't told it as well as it could be told , but that 's the best I can do . My dogs - - - I should tell you that my dogs arrived safely at my home the evening of the accident . Ella found them sitting out front as if nothing had ever happened . Thee wasn 't a scratch on them . I never saw Zach again , although I did look . I went to the precinct , even , thinking he had been arrested after the accident . I asked around the park , but there was no one I knew there , and those who were said they had not seen anyone of his description . On my last attempt , I stood behind his bench , feeling lost and empty . It was breezy , and as the wind rushed past me , I murmured his name . Like my words , Zach had taken to the wind and disappeared . But then I knew what to do . I took money out of the bank - hundreds of thousands - and brought some to the soup kitchen and had them give it to people they thought could use some extra . Some I used to build a daycare center . Some I gave to a church . It almost didn 't matter where it went , as long as it got into the hands of other people who could use it well . And now I 'm back home , contemplating Ella . Our lives are still good ; we still vacation when we want to ; we still give parties when we want to . We volunteer at the soup kitchen , doing whatever is needed . Some of the people are our friends . I can honestly say I don 't miss the money . And what I have received in exchange is worth far more . With half of my life over and done , I have discovered the joy of living and loving , and being free . Angela Boatright , is a priest associate at St . Mary 's Episcopal Church in Harlem . This story was written in collaboration with Madis Senner , a former financial analyst and author of the Jubilee Amendment . Back to the Table of Contents |
You are my witness that I tried . I tried so hard . You were the ONLY one that I ever told ANYTHING to ! I wanted to protect Jack from himself . And I was embarrassed . So embarrassed that anyone would ever know any of what I have put up with . I never wanted to tell anyone because what if we got back together and all of it was out there ? Well , there is NO chance of that NOW . I know that Jack thinks that I talk to people too much and try to get everyone 's advice . I never talked about our fights or Jack 's temper . EVER ! But this time , I 'm not sure what happened . I guess I kind of feel like if I tell someone what has been going on , I won 't go back . And Oh my dear friend , my faithful little journal , I KNOW I won 't go back this time . Are you applauding me ? So much has happened since I last wrote in you . I think that anger is a kind of a key that has allowed me to shut that door . Instead of mourning what I have lost and all those broken promises , I feel a relief that I never felt before . I used to sit home and cry after a fight and think about all of our plans . NOW you better believe me , he is begging me to set a date . He said that any day would be fine with him . Even Tommorow ! It has been exactly one month since he threw me out of " his " house . He has been sitting outside of the entrance to my neighborhood almost every night the last two weeks since school started again . He has parked next to my car at the school where I work so I had to talk to him and after my classes at night at Harbor College . I can 't tell my dad because he would kill him and I don 't want my dad to go crazy because he would if he knew what has been happening . I am protecting my dad . Not Jack . The other day I was at Lindsey 's house and Jack called me there . He told me to go look in my car . I didn 't know what to expect . Even though it was sunny , it was freezing . I ran out with my barefeet because I didn 't know what he might have done . Well , he showed me his true colors . I found Switezer meowing inside my cold car . He said " I don 't want him . " That was the first time that I have cried since I stopped crying after the first week . I didn 't know what to do . Larry ended up calling right when I was having a melt down and Lindsey told him what Jack had just done and Larry asked for my phone number and told me that he might know someone that will take him because I know that my mom won 't let me have him . This is just like Jack . Begging me to take him back and then getting mad and doing something like this when he doesn 't get his own way . I haven 't softened at all . I am glad that he keeps getting mad and doing stupid things because it just reminds me that I deserve better . I can 't believe that I ever loved him . The thing that surprises me , is that no one was surprised . They knew what was happing all along . I thought that I was fooling everyone . I 'm pretty sure that I hate him now . THIS was the last straw . But it 's not just about the cat . There are so many other things that happened besides the obvious ; literally THROWING me out of the house . It is so over . Share this : TwitterFacebookGoogleMoreTumblrPinterestEmailPrintLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in anger , arguments , Breaking up , broken promises , changed plans , dysfunctional relationships , emotional abuse , empowerment Tagged abusive relationships , disfunctional relationships , fighting # 57 The Beginning of the End … Happy New Year We planned our party for the night after New Years Eve . I told my parents that I had to get ready for the party that we were having the next day and I didn 't want to drive home with all of the drunks and they actually were okay with me staying at Jack 's . He came and picked me up and brought me over to his place and we stayed up late enough to welcome in the New Year all by ourselves instead of going out to one of the parties we were invited to , cuz Jack wanted it that way . We kissed at midnight and started messing around all the way to bed and welcomed in the new year some more . In the morning , it was overcast and looked as if it might rain . I got up early and Jack rolled over and said that he was going to take down the Christmas lights . I really didn 't want him to because he 'd already taken down the tree the day after Christmas and he knew I wanted it up for the party . So when he mentioned the lights I asked him if he could just wait until after the party because I wanted it to still look at least a little festive . But he refused it was as if he wanted to take away any signs of it having been Christmas . And so our morning didn 't start out too great . I know that he is still dealing with stuff about his mom this time of year , so I tried to be understanding but I must say that I was not happy that he wouldn 't wait just one day since he knew that it was important to me for our house to look pretty for the party . It was just the wrong day to take on that project ! Especially since we talked about our list of things we needed to get done before the party and taking down the Christmas lights was not one of them . I needed him to help me with so many other things and I knew that it was going to take all morning to just do that . But you know how stubborn he is , so he got the ladder out and climbed up on the roof and did what he wanted . I got dressed and started baking . I 'd planned on making a few pies and some horderves for the party . Pie crusts are kind of touchy , if you knead them too much , they get tough . If you let them sit too long they get crumbly and you have to start all over again . I have to admit I was already frustrated but I really did try to snap out of it because I knew that it would not end well if I stayed mad . I never seem to win our fights . I heard Jack swearing on top of the roof and for whatever reason , he needed my help . Though he put them up all by himself . He called me up there twice . The first time I went up and handed him something and tried to be pleasant and willing about it , but just as I was ready to roll the dough out for the second pie , he called me again . This time I called back and told him to hold on . I was so surprised when he snapped at me and yelled " NOW ! " I didn 't like his tone of voice and had not heard it since that horrible day at the glider port over a year earlier . I wasn 't too happy as I climbed up the ladder and saw him untangling the strings of lights . I asked him to please hurry so that my dough wouldn 't get ruined and he threw them at me and told me to untangle them . And before I could object , he lost it . He got mad and told me that he didn 't want to have the dumb party anyway , how it was all my idea and " my party " and that I was " using " him to play house in " his " house . Those words really hurt . Especially the part about it being his house . After he put the ladder away , and did whatever he did with the string of light I left lying on the walkway , he came in and saw that I was crying and got even more upset at me . I 'd already made one pie crust perfectly before he called me up . But the second time , I left the last one in a ball and it felt too dried out when I started rolling it . Everything kept crumbling and falling apart . The thing that made me so mad was that Jack started laughing at me and told me that I couldn 't do anything right . I think maybe he was trying to lighten the mood and just joke around because everytime I tried to roll out the dough it just got worse and he may have realized that he 'd just gone a little too far . But by that time I 'd lost my temper and had stopped crying . Things just got out of hand . Looking back , I wish that ' dI just let it go . But for the last three years I have let " IT " go and I am just tired . Anyway , I was still hurt and angry about what he 'd said about it being his house , and instead of saying that he was sorry he just kept following me around egging me on , laughing in my face . He followed me right into the living room as I tried to get away , brushing my floured hands on my apron and just kept laughing at me and my " pathetic excuse for pie crust . " THAT is what he said ! He kept at it until he had me cornered in the living room and I hit the wall of the bay window and to my surprise my fist went right through the paper thin wall ! Just punched a hole right into it ! I didn 't realize how those walls were made back in those days and well it just surpised me . I started laughing hoping that Jack would start laughing too and we would just see how stupid this fight was and fall down on the floor and make up . I was laughing saying that " I really didn 't mean to do that " and he got that look and said ; " yeah , I can really tell . " And then he started getting all of my stuff and throwing it out of the house in a wild rage and telling me that I needed to " call all of my little friends and call off the party " as he started throwing my books and my purse and my sweat jacket and all of Annie 's letters out into the front yard . The ribbons slipped and they lay there strewn all over the wet grass . He was so out of control I thought he was going to hit me but he didn 't . He just picked me up and threw me off of his front porch and into the yard . I was numb . I don 't remember if I was really hurt . I know later that I 'd skinned my elbow being thrown like that but I just picked up my purse and jacket and left everything else and ran out of the front gate . I didn 't even stop to think . I just ran . Right past Jess and Louise 's and down Pacific Coast Highway and all the way to a phone booth and called Lindsey . She and Larry came and picked me up . They were supposed to come to the party that night . I think they may have called everyone . I don 't even know . I didn 't care . I just let Jack deal with it . I was so mad . I never wanted to see him again . Happy New Year . Christmas was quiet this year . His dad loved his watch which we gave him during the day on Christmas Eve . He gave Jack money and me a wonderful book of poems by Elizabeth Barrett Browning . . I was so touched that he 'd remembered that I liked to write poetry and that she was supposed to be my ancestor . We did Christmas Eve at our house as we always do and then on Christmas morning I got up really early to go to Jack 's to make him a Christmas breakfast . I told him that it would be our tradition in all the years to come . It was a nice beginning to the day . Then Jack hopped up and brought me a gift in bed . It was the softest robe I 'd ever felt and I put it on and finished breakfast and opening presents wearing just that . Jack spoiled me this year as always . He got me a cassette player for my car and told me that he would install it . I am so lucky that he is so handy . I bought him a new bedspread and some clothes and at the last minute I found him a poster first and then a stuffed Tigger . He fell in love with him when we saw the Winnie The Pooh movie at the Drive In with another feature we wanted to see . At first when we heard that one of the movies was going to be a cartoon , we almost didn 't go ! But we ended up loving it . And after seeing it Jack always says ttfn when he says good bye cuz he said he doesn 't like to say " goodbye " . You know ttfn , means ta ta for now . He said he relates to Tigger 's character and he laughed so hard when he opened that gift and saw him . When we made his bed , he put on the new bedspread and then ran to get his stuffed Tigger and put him on top of it . It was cute . I brought a basket of cookies over to Jess and Louise and a toy for Mopsy from Jack and I and he made them a plaque for their house . He 'd taken a picture of them sitting on the porch of their house and then shlacked it onto a piece of wood and burnt the edges and stained it . They thought that it was so thoughtful and Jess seemed really impressed . Jack had shown him what he was doing with posters but you could tell that they were both pretty touched by the gift since they were planning on moving and said that they would always treasure it . Louise gave me a wonderful recipe box filled with all of her wonderful recipes she has been teaching me to make . Jess gave Jack some tool for his shed that he seemed to really appreciate . I stayed till late that night because Jack decided to put my stereo in and it took a few hours longer than I think he was counting on . But it works perfectly . We ended up snuggling up at the end of the night under the Christmas tree staring up at the lights , talking about our future . It was perfect . Jack had surprised me . When I started the car . He 'd put a BREAD cassette in my player and put the song on Baby I 'm A Want You . I listened to it all the way home . I love him so much ! It was the best Christmas ever . Just how Christmas is supposed to be . Jess and Louise have been talking about going on another trip to Misourri soon but they said that they are waiting for the economy to do something . But it would be nice to drive from Lomita to work rather than from my house in PV . It just seems like PV is so far away from freeways and everything . If Jack and I could set a date then everything would be fine because this would be my house too but until then , I take the route around Portuguese Bend and get on the freeway through San Pedro . I drive past this wonderful house with blue and white awnings on Walker Street and think that someday … I want to live in San Pedro . And even though our house is in Lomita , I have this strong feeling that someday I am going to live in San Pedro . Maybe not in that house but in that town . Weird huh ? The other day I was out mowing the lawn and the wheel fell off again , I went in to find the wrench that Jess had given me and when I came back , Jess was out in the yard just finishing tightening up the wheel . He is so sweet . We couldn 't have asked for better neighbors ! It was Thanksgiving a few weeks ago and they invited us over for pumpkin pie and coffee one night after dinner . I think that Louise is probably the best cook I know besides my grandma . I love the way their house smells . It reminds me of the smell of my grandma 's house a lot . I think that Christmas is going to be hard this year . I guess it 's always going to be kind of hard for Jack and I . My mom invited Jack 's dad again this year but he said that he is spending it with Rachel at his sister 's . I told Jack that he could go too . But he said he 'd rather spend it with us . We bought his dad a nice watch . I told Jack that we should have him over for dinner right before to give it to him . He said that he thought that would be nice . We have found this cute place in Lake Arrowhead with a little kitchen and it 's own bedroom . It is so much fun . I love Christmas . I hope that the memories of what happend won 't ruin it forever . I was happily surprised last weekend , I 'd spent the day with Lori going Christmas shopping since she is home for Christmas break and it was dusk when I drove up to find the last touches to Jack 's putting up Christmas lights on our house . I had the happiest feeling in my heart when I saw it ! Jack and I invited friends over for New year 's Day evening . This year it falls on a Saturday so that is why we chose that night and besides , everyone has places to go on New Year 's Eve . Jack seems happy and to be getting into the spirit of things . I was so worried that he 'd be sad . But he seems okay . It is hard to believe that we have been engaged for a whole year ! I am not sure if I ever wrote about this to you , but Jack and I started going to a little church behind his dad 's apartment building while he was living there . For a while , we were going pretty regularly . Jack even got baptized there . I 'd been baptized a year or so before I met him and so we talked about it after a particularly moving sermon , he told me that he 'd been really thinking a lot about it . So one Sunday a few weeks later , he went forward as we were singing " Just As I am " It was such a sweet moment . I think that I will always remember it . We 've made friends with this couple there . Matt and Barbara . They are married ! We 've been over to their house a few times and I have to admit that I want what they have . Sometimes Barb invites us to her parent 's house who also go to that church , actually her whole family goes there . She told us that she 's grown up there . Matt on the other hand , never went to church before he met her but is very involved now . They have a real neat story . I love going over to her mom 's house with Jack for those Sunday Suppers . Jack always seemed to crave anything family and loves going too . Probably even more than I do , even though he makes me beg him everytime to pleeeease go after we get in the car . He always acts like he doesn 't want to but always gives in and ends up having a good time every single time . One day he picked up a guitar that they had lying around and began strumming it and Barb 's dad told him how good he was . Jack acted nonchalant when he thanked him , but I knew he was beaming on the inside . Anytime my dad compliments him , it means a lot . Not too long after that he started bringing the guitar that his dad gave him a few years ago to youth group and he actually has a really good voice . It seems when we are going to church more often , Jack is kinder and less angry . Though , since we moved into our little house in Lomita we don 't go as much and I guess that even though we are not officially living together I am kind of embarrassed that we are engaged without a date so I haven 't pushed going . But I have to admit that everytime I do go , it kind of feels like coming home and being welcomed just as I am or just as we are . Though in a way , I always feel as if I am faking it . The other day , I saw Barb because I was invited to a baby shower and she called and said that she would pick me up because it was over in Lomita . When we were getting in her car to drive home , she asked if I had a good time just as I was reaching in her backseat to get my sweater , I just blurted out … . " Sometimes when I go to these things , I feel like I am just faking it and everyone knows it . " And without missing a beat she laughed and said to me … " Keri , everyone there is faking it ! " She cracks me up . And we had a good laugh . I haven 't laughed that hard in a long time . It felt good . I thought about it all the way home . I guess she is right . I guess that maybe I am not the only one who feels kind of out of place and it 's pretty cool to realize that God loves me anyway , just as I am , right where I am . And no one can take that away from me . Jack and I have been looking for new cars and just bought a brand new 1976 bright orange Honda Civic with a sunroof and everything . It was almost $ 5000 ! Can you believe it ? My little Fiat was less than half that and it was only three years old when I got it . But I love it . I love the smell of a new car ! The weekend that we bought it , we drove it to to the glider port and we both went up and ended up staying in a little motel near there so Jack could go up again the next day . It has been really good between Jack and me lately . Jack has a friend at his work Bob , who is going through a custody battle with his kids . A boy and a girl . It is so sad . I never saw such a good dad . He really loves his kids and his wife is not very nice . We took them soaring one weekend right after we got the car and Bob and his kids met us there . The kids got bored pretty fast and complained because their dad 's car didn 't have air conditioning and it was really hot that day . Of course our new car did , so while Bob and I were up flying in different planes , Jack was in charge of the kids and let them sit in our car with the air on while their dad finished flying with Glen , my old instructor . After we said goodbye to Bob who had to get the kids back by a certain time , we got back in the car to drive home and noticed the front passenger seat had a burn mark where it looked as if the kids had been playing with the car lighter . I have to admit that I was really surprised that Jack was so calm about it . I think that he realized that it could have been a lot worse . Though the kids were older and should have known better , it is never smart to leave kids in a running car , period . But I didn 't need to say anything . I knew he " GOT " it when he saw the damaged seat . And I mean it was right in the middle of the seat ! We tried to get an upholstry and carpet mending glue but it only made it worse . That is when Jack had an idea , for " me " to re - upholster the seats with my new sewing machine that he 'd gotten me last Christmas ! I have been making weighted sand bags out of canvas with my sewing machine for the sail planes to trade for tows , but that has been the extent of my recent sewing . Jack said that whatever happened , we 'd have to get the seats fixed anyway so that I couldn 't really hurt anything . And so I told him that if he could get the seats out , I would try . We never really liked the checker board insert in the upholstry so we went shopping and found this great faux white leather and he pulled apart the seats . ( Which … I know , I know , could have been quite a disaster ! ) But we actually worked really well together ! I measured the inserts and actually re - upholstered the two front seats with it . And if I do say so myself , it looks way better than the checkerboard . Especially without the burn mark ! Jack was so impressed and said that he was proud of me . It gives me hope . Something that could have been a huge blow up , became a positive project for both of us . It felt so good to accomplish something together without one fight ! I think that just maybe , he is learning that we can get through a lot without it becoming a huge blow up everytime something doesn 't go exactly right . And that the way that his parents handled the hard stuff doesn 't have to be the way that he does or we do . We can break the cycle and have a grown up relationship without always breaking up everytime we have a disagreement . I just hope that those kids and all of Bob 's problems don 't influence Jack 's thought on getting married ! I 've been house sitting for Jess and Louise a couple of times over the last few months . It 's been kind of nice because it 's like I have my own place . It has been so nice sitting on that wonderful porch after work with a glass of iced tea writing . I like to imagine that it is my house . I used to like to imagine that it was Jack and my place but it 's funny , now I pretend that it is all just mine . My parents are okay with me staying there alone . When Jess and Louise go farm hunting in Missouri , they go for weeks at a time . At first I 'd just go and feed Mopsy and come back over to Jack 's and bring her with me . It 's funny because Switze and her get along . You wouldn 't expect to see a dog and a cat playing so well . It 's very entertaining . Some nights , I just stay at Jack 's . But I told him that I 'd rather sleep over there even though he wasn 't happy about it , because my parents are trusting me and I didn 't want to ruin things since this might be going on for quite a while . One night I had Jack over for dinner and he stayed the night . But most nights , he goes home to his own place and I stay at Jess and Louise 's . On those mornings I don 't see him at all until we both get home from work . A few times , I had Jack and Larry and Lindsey over for a barbecue during the week and one weekend after we 'd gone out dancing we 'd all come back to the house and stayed up really late . We 'd had a bottle of cab and Jack had just gone home when I was just cleaning up and Larry came back over cuz , he 'd forgotten his sunglasses . He ended up staying really late talking . And we really were just talking . He is a nice guy . But I 'm not stupid . I 've said before , I know he likes me . I almost wish that Jack would have looked out and seen his truck and confronted him . But he didn 't . I still guess we are engaged . I still wear my ring . I think that Jack feels that engaged means forever . I do too . But I feel that engaged means setting a date to get married . I wonder if I took off my ring or gave it back and told him to keep it until he was ready to set a date what he would do ? It is hard to believe that in a couple of months it will have been a year since we have been engaged . I think it must be that I have never had someone I loved die before . Or maybe I just don 't know what to do with the feelings of guilt that I feel . I want to ask Jack if he blames me for not letting him go see his mom when she called . I want to talk about it with him but I don 't want to make him talk about it if he doesn 't want to because after all , it has been months now . But I just can 't seem to move on inside and I still feel like I want to cry all the time . . When I wake up , I sometimes forget at first what has happened , and then I remember . I can 't stop remembering . My mom even said that maybe I need to see someone . I told her no way ! That I was okay . That I would write it out . So here I am again . You know , maybe I should start praying more . I feel like this journal thing is kind of like talking to God in a way . I spend the night at Jack 's house a lot . I say I 'm at a friend 's and they don 't ask anymore . I think they know that I 'm with Jack . I 'm not proud of it . The lying that is . Jack says it 's not lying . But who am I trying to fool ? Since his mom has died , everything has changed . His house is ours except that we just aren 't married so I still have my bedroom at home and when summer is over I will have to go home again and sleep in my own room . But for now it is nice . We can do anything we want , anytime we want . It is so much better than sneaking around at his dad 's or at my house after my parent 's have gone to bed . I have all my stuff , or a lot of it at his house . Jack said that I am using him to play house and I told him that he is using me to have his way with me . He laughed and thought I was trying to be cute . I wasn 't . Larry kept coming around a lot when he knew Jack wouldn 't be home . I finally told Jack but he didn 't seem bothered by it . Funny , I may be young but I am not stupid . Larry is very good - looking . Did I mention that ? I mean Disney Movie Prince cute . And he knows it . Much cuter than Jack if you liked that kind of thing . But I am attracted to the personality more than anything first and hitting on a friend 's girlfriend is not attractive to me . I just find it strange that Jack has been so jealous about every other guy that was doing nothing and yet when it is happening right in front of his face , he doesn 't seem to care . I introduced Larry to my friend Lindsay and they have been dating for a while now but Larry 's made it clear when they are not around that he wishes we were together . We hung out at the beach together a few weeks ago and in the waves , he was all over me . I am not sure how Jack missed it . I just can 't seem to stop crying and I have no one to talk to so I come here and write to you . I know that eventually I need to stop writing here , because after all I have not seen Mrs . Walker or not had a journal assignment from her for almost two years . But you are like an old faithful friend that has been there for me through it all . I 've been dreaming about Liz a lot lately . I seem to be having two dreams over and over again . I can 't stop thinking about her even in my sleep . In one dream , she keeps calling and when I answer , no one is there . And in the other dream , she has not moved to her apartment yet and is living still in her house on Country Road , but she is not there … . And Jack and I walk in the door and Bootsie is reeeeally skinny and there is no cat food in the cupboards ! I just hate going to sleep anymore and can 't really tell Jack about the dreams . I 've been reading Annie 's letters again and kind of getting lost in her story . I think that I might write about her . I have an outline in my head that I 've been thinking of writing . But I can 't seem to snap out of it enough to get motivated . I am so sad . I just want to stay around here and hang out . Louise has invited me over a few times and she is good for me I know . She really is quite wise . I took Annie 's letters over to share with her and she loved them and my idea to write their story too . Laurie 's called a few times . I really don 't feel like hanging out with her right now . I can 't explain it but I am crying as I write this . And it 's nothing about Jack . He 's been extra sweet . Almost like a different person , we haven 't fought since way before , I can 't even remember . He seems way more relaxed than I 've ever seen him . I know he is sad but I feel like I act more sad than he does . It is almost as if the dark cloud over his head just transferred to mine . He 's been working a lot in his shed and surprised me . He made the most beautiful swing for our porch . I sewed some great yellow gingham pillows for it and he seemed so pleased . I love that he is so handy . And he seems so happy when he 's out there . He doesn 't seem to need me in that desperate kind of way anymore that bothered me so much . It was as if he couldn 't get undressed fast enough sometimes when he 'd see me . I was feeling kind of used . He 's slowed down and kisses me like when I was still innocent . Maybe that is why I feel sad . I don 't feel innocent anymore . Reality is sinking in about so much . He still won 't talk about setting a date . Everything happened so fast . His mom died right after we got engaged and now it just seems like a touchy subject . I think that I am just bored and thinking too much . I used to be so busy . School and work seemed to fill every hour . Now I wish that I hadn 't let Jack talk me out of going to camp this year . Kathy seemed so disappointed . He is paying for me to take a photography class at the modeling school and then said he 'd pay for my portfolio pictures which is the next step " IF " I am going to do anything with the classes . I guess in the meantime I will write . Jack 's friend Larry came over the other day . It was weird , I walked up with a basket of folded laundry after just coming back from the laundromat and found him on the porch knocking on the door . He helped me and held the basket while I unlocked the door and then kept gushing about how lucky Jack is to have me and how he doesn 't think he knows . I told him I think he does . I offered him Iced Tea and he started acting like his neck hurt . I think he was hinting for a massage . But when I came back out with the glasses I suggested that we drink them out on the swing on the porch . The next day I 'd just come in from the back and heard a knock on the door and looked out the door , and there was Larry again . I wonder what that 's all about ? Top Posts & Pages About The End ( Final draft ) Indiscretions Can I Call You ? To Not Know Where You Went . . . Inside My Memories And I wonder I hand you my heart as it hangs from my sleeve A Poem About Anger As I forget to breathe CategoriesCategories As I begin this blog , I am in High School and my English teacher , Mrs . Walker has given me this assignment to write in my journal everyday . Which is pretty easy for me because . . . I want to be a writer ! And well , that is kind of how I got into her class . Last year she put me in her Independent Study group after reading a lot of my poems . I had to pass her class the first year with an A and last year . . . all I had to do was write poems . It was pretty great . She taught me about timing and cadence and I got to study different styles . This year she has decided to give me a different assignment and it 's this journal thing . The other day , she told me that " Our lives are like books , everyday we write a page . " She 's told me that she has filled a lot of books in her life but that mine still has many chapters left . For now I am writing by recalling the author 's memories as she uses me to tell it to you . Though I may just be a character in her book . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
I hugged my briefcase as we sat down in a corner of the bar . My eyes were no longer drawn to the unusual individuals that were laughing , drinking and chatting . Instead , my gaze was on Maddie , who was now sipping a green drink in a glass that was shaped like a flower . " Why all the questions ? Why am I supposed to be ready to answer questions . What does any of that have to do with getting out of here ? " " Right . It 's a journey . But a journey to what ? Where am I going ? Home ? Because that 's the only place I want to go to . " " Yes , but are you willing to get there , that 's the question . You said you were , but you 're not . Otherwise you would be by now . " Her voice had gotten softer , like the melody of a broken song . " They were , but just like decorations , at some point it all becomes one with the room . It blends in like it 's the most natural thing in the world . And maybe it is . Maybe it 's survival . Or acceptance . " " Are we there yet ? " I asked after what felt like an hour of walking . All this while my thoughts had taken a seat in my head and refused to leave . I hadn 't even realised Maddie had been whistling a tune . I rubbed my forehead and paused my thoughts for the moment . She stopped whistling as quickly as she stopped in her tracks . She turned around and took a step closer to me . Personal space was not a concept to her because our noses were almost touching . " Excellent , " she said loudly and dashed backwards . We had reached the bottom of a hill , where a large , broad willow stood . Its branches reached to the ground as if it was too sad to lift them to the sky . The tree grumbled something as if contemplating his answer . Then silence returned to the woods . One fly buzzed past me and hovered in front of the tree before doing the same with Maddie . She kept staring at the tree . " Yes . He . May . Pass . " The tree spoke slowly , interrupting any other thoughts I would have had about the fly that turned into yellow dust . " Take care . " I smiled and started walking up the sandy , dark path as I felt Maddie 's eyes on my back . It wasn 't until I reached the top when I turned around and all the orange trees had gone out below me and there was only a sea of darkness that had swallowed my peculiar friend . There was a well on top of the hill and the full moon shone enough light for me to see things clearly enough . Like the short grass that surrounded the well and the one flower that stood a few feet away from me . It was a tulip . They had been her favourite . I walked up to the well , feeling that this is where it would all begin . Or end , rather . I put down the briefcase on the bricked edge and took off the ribbon . Then I placed the briefcase on the soft grass and rested one hand on the cold stones of the well as I leaned forward and stared into nothing but black . It felt like it was staring back at me . And I wanted to see it , even though I also didn 't want to see it . I let go of the ribbon . " Forgive me . " The darkness swallowed the ribbon but I knew it was still descending , I knew it was getting closer and then I closed my eyes . When I opened them again I was at home . The home I had lived in with her and I looked at the calendar which hung above the bin in the country - style kitchen . It was that day . Today was that day . I heard her hum as she came down the stairs , always that same tune , that tune that I had missed so much . I felt the tears well up and blinked repeatedly so I could see her clearly when she waltzed into the room . And when she did I couldn 't help but shriek and run over to her , clinging to her tightly , inhaling her lavender scent and touch her golden hair that reached between her shoulder blades . " Yeah , I 'm fine , sorry . " I cleared my throat and let her go as I stared into her light - blue eyes that searched mine with curiosity and concern . Her eyes had been the clearest thing about her I 'd remembered , I 'd see those every night as I woke up from my nightmare . I touched her cheek . " I 've missed you . " And I kissed her hard and soft at the same time . When I pulled back there was even more confusion written on her face . " Are you sure you 're okay ? You know I just saw you when I woke up , right ? " Her mouth unfolded into a smile and I held her close again . I swallowed and felt like somewhere inside my stomach I was being set on fire . " Err , are you sure that you want to go ? Maybe you can stay home and - " my voice trailed off . I knew these words wouldn 't help . This wasn 't a second chance , this was a second viewing . Front row seat . A chance to say what I needed to say , a chance to see it very clearly . " No , no , I can 't do that . I have a very important day , I told you . " She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek . She then grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and tucked it into her bag . " I 'll see you tonight , have a nice day . " The fire in the pit of my stomach grew wider . " Wait . " I followed her to the door where she had her coat over her arm and my car keys in her hand . " What are you talking about ? You really did have a bad dream , didn 't you ? " She frowned and handed me her coat and the car keys . " Hold this . " From her hair wrist she undid a pink ribbon and she bent down next to the stairs where my briefcase was . She tied the ribbon around the handle and stood back up . " There , it 's a lucky ribbon and it will keep your nightmares and worries at bay . " She kissed me on my lips and grabbed the coat and the keys . " Now I really have to go or I 'll be super late . " " Don 't worry , it 's not your fault . Sometimes things just happen . It 's called bad luck . " She waved at me before the door closed behind her . " It 's not my fault , " I repeated and closed my eyes . " It just happened . " The next images that flew through my mind were of the phone call , the hospital , the doctor , the funeral . And finally there was nothing but black around me . My eyes were closed . I lifted my eyelids as they fluttered against the harsh lights of the carriage . Outside the window was the familiar sign that indicated I had arrived at my local train station . " I 'm home , " I yelled with unexpected enthusiasm . I got up and ran out while the doors were still open . It was like the train had been waiting for me . The doors closed soon after I stood on the platform and I embraced the chilly breeze that swept right through me . We walked for a whole minute in total silence when Maddie began to hum a tune . She even added a little hop every once in a while . All the while I thought about what I could say to her , what I could ask her , but somehow all the words in my head crashed into each other and became a tangled mess . I looked at Maddie who had placed her slender claw - like fingers on her chin . " It seems like a riddle , don 't you think ? Something that can trick you before your eye can blink . " She laughed like a broken violin again . Maddie 's lips burst into a smile , this time revealing her teeth as white as bone . " Whatever you say , my friend . Your way is my way and therefore always the right way . " I curled my hands into fists . " Okay , this is too weird and I can 't take it anymore . I don 't care what happens . I don 't care if you 're a crazy serial killer that wants to kill me , but just tell me where I am , how I got here and who you are ! " I breathed heavily and became aware of the red ribbon that danced against my wrist because of the breeze that rushed through these woods . " My , my , why didn 't you tell me you were scared , I don 't want you to think I never cared . " She placed her hand in front of her mouth . " Oops , once you start rhyming it 's hard to stop . " She put her fingers together and started to pace around me . " Well , it 's kind of your place . And kind of mine . It 's like your subconscious is visiting my world . Only it 's not really your subconscious , you are in fact really here . But your part of this world is made up out of your subconscious . And now we get to try and bring you home . " " Most definitely . This world is a journey , not a destination . " Maddie touched the rim of her hat . " The question is , which way do you want to go ? " She pointed to the signs . " Something like that . " Maddie gestured to the left path and then to the right . She held up her hands like a scale and moved them up and down . " Which one is the right one , George ? " The shrubs rustled and rustled like something huge was trying to come through . I was afraid to speak and held my briefcase in front of my chest . Whatever it was , I would fight it . I would make it - We both followed the deer off the trail to a small pond and a large oak tree with a door . The deer stopped at the pond and turned to me . " Normal reflections show you the opposite of what is true , but here it shows you the opposite of what is false . " With that statement the young deer dashed off and disappeared between the shrubbery and trees . I looked at the oak tree and its door , the pond and back at Maddie . " What did the deer mean ? " I scratched my head . " Never thought I 'd say that in my life . " " I really think you should . You 'll get it back as soon as you 're done . I 'll guard it with my life , if that 's what you want . " This made the muscles in my neck relax as I stepped closer to the pond and kneeled . I looked into my reflection , but didn 't see anything . Just the clear water that reflected some of the light behind me . I leaned in closer and just before I was ready to turn back to Maddie a hand shot up from the water , grabbed me by the face and pulled me in . I tried to scream and flung my arms and legs . Nothing happened and I could still breathe . When I opened my eyes , I was sitting in an office with a sofa , bookcases , a mahogany desk and diplomas on the wall . " It is , because it troubles you so . Sharing is caring . Why don 't you tell me what 's beneath the surface ? " His voice was heavy and his eyes light . I wanted to protest and shout , but instead I blinked a few times and sat back into the sofa . My limbs began to feel heavier . " I don 't now … she 's gone . She left me . " " I don 't know . I don 't remember . She was just gone one day , all her stuff was still there , her scent was still there , but she never came back to me . I don 't know why . I don 't know why . " " Hmm . " The man scribbled some more . " Are you sure you don 't remember ? I think you do , you just have to open that door . " I blinked and stared at it , unsure if it was real or just my imagination . I looked back at the man , but he 'd disappeared . The entire office had disappeared and there was nothing but me and that door . The door hummed . I stretched out my hand and touched the door handle . The door started vibrating and I pulled my hand away . The moment I did I was launched backwards , feeling the cold air around me before hitting the ground but instead of embracing a rush of pain , the ground lowered under my weight and then shot me back up like a trampoline . I waved my arms in the air and somehow managed to land on my feet , but this time the ground stayed as it was . " Holy hell , " I said . I felt my arms and stomach to make sure I wasn 't hurt and then glanced around for Maddie . She was nowhere to be seen , but the door in the tree was ajar . I walked around the pond and edged closer to the door . My hand trembled as I grabbed the door knob , what would I find this time ? Inside the tree were a few wooden steps that led downstairs to a big place that looked like a bar of some sort . Strings with white - coloured lights hung up on the wooden ceiling and the place was packed with strange - looking people . A woman dressed in a yellow dress with actual flowers at the bottom and butterflies in her hair . She had green lipstick on and her eyes were purple . She winked at me as she passed me . I scanned the people at a nearby table , taking in the snake that was wrapped around the neck of silver - haired woman when Maddie 's distinct laughter drew my gaze to the bar . She was talking to a man who only had one eye in the middle of his head . My briefcase was placed on the seat next to her . I sighed with relief and dashed towards it . She looked up , her eyes widening as she saw me . " George , you made it back . That 's too bad , you seemed like you might be ready . " She took a sip of her drink . " Oh , well , I suppose the journey continues then . First , I 'll get you a drink . You 're gonna need one . " I ran up the stone steps to the station and rushed through the hall only to crash into an older gentleman . I didn 't even look back at him as I shouted my apology . From the corner of my eye , I only saw his dropped cane . " Damn it , " I panted and fell to my knees which shot up a pain right through to my thighs . I clutched my briefcase . A red ribbon was tied to the handle and it danced in the gentle breeze of this spring evening . How was I going to get home now ? This was the last train . " It comes in ten minutes . I suggest you buy yourself a snack . You might get peckish . " The man grinned and revealed a golden tooth among the other pearly white ones . He twirled his cane . It had a rabbit on the top . " Right . " I nodded and walked past him , back down the stone steps , but not before turning around . He was still there , his broad , straightened back towards me . His long coat nearly reached is ankles and both his hands rested on the rabbit cane . He reminded me of a nineteenth century lord that had somehow taken a wrong turn . I continued down the steps and walked back to the first platform , which held a small kiosk . I grabbed a sandwich and a bag of crisps . How had the man even known I was getting hungry ? Probably a lucky guess since it was late and I obviously just came from work . Inwardly I chuckled at my paranoia . When I turned to pay for my food , there was nobody there to pay . " Hello ? " I asked . I glanced around and leaned over the counter . When I walked back out to find someone , the older man on the opposite platform said : " Tick - tock , my boy . Tick - tock . " He took something out of his breast pocket that resembled a pocket watch . I swallowed and fished my wallet out of my pocket . I placed enough money on the counter before running back the way to the other side of the small train station . The man was still on the platform and didn 't look up as I passed him , instead he stared at his pocket watch . " Is it coming ? " I looked into the distance and saw headlights growing bigger . " Is that it ? " I turned to the older man , but he was gone . " Sir ? " I glanced around and wanted to go down the stairs , but the train arrived with squeaking sound . A sound which , moments ago , I was afraid I wasn 't going to hear again on this Thursday night . The train was smaller than the one I usually took and the sign on the side was turned off . Nothing to indicate where it was going . It seemed this entire train station was switched off and this train and I were the only moving things . My footsteps sounded hollow as I took deliberate steps towards the metal beast and entered its belly . As soon as I 'd stepped inside , the doors closed . The train took off soundlessly and I sat down in the closest seat , by the window . The train smelt different but I couldn 't put my finger on it . I placed my briefcase beside me and touched the ribbon . It reassured me , because even though she wasn 't there anymore , the ribbon made it feel like she was always with me . " Hello ? " I shouted and looked around . We were on a platform , but it was small and without signs … or a train station . It was surrounded by grass and tall trees for as far as I could make out . " Wait ! Wait ! " I couldn 't run any further because I would have fallen off the platform and since that would still make my day worse I just cursed and kicked the lamppost next to me , which was providing faint light . As I kicked it , the light flickered and then turned off . Leaves rustled to my right and I turned to shine the light . Nothing . When I turned back to look at the meadow a woman stood in front of me . " Thank you , miss . " I shone the light upwards so we could see each other 's faces . My breathing paused for a moment because there was something about this woman . Something quite unusual . She was pretty , perhaps even beautiful , but in her eyes there was something that made you shiver . Not a good kind of shiver , nor a bad , just a shiver . " George , " she purred . " What a nice name . " She had her black hair pinned up , but thick curly locks sprouted out from under her black hat . Her eyes were a mixture of colours I couldn 't quite make out due to the poor lighting , but they were captivating and just by looking into her eyes I somehow knew what it must feel like for a fly to become trapped in a spider 's web . " Err , right . Yes . " The older man with the cane popped into my head and the question of whether or not he was a part of this journey balanced on my lips . I decided to swallow it . For now . " Oh . I see . " Except that I didn 't really see . But that shivering feeling she brought up in me , prevented me from asking any further . I turned off the light on my phone and slid it back into my pocket . We were now surrounded by the darkness of the night . I could make out her contours and I could somehow see her eyes quite clearly and wondered if she could see mine as well , including the fear that danced behind them . I cleared my throat and glanced around me . The vague outline of trees , but other than that , darkness . The reason people didn 't like the dark was because it hid things and nobody liked not to be able to see what was around them . I touched my tie and put my briefcase between my legs , pressing them close so that nothing could take it away . At least not without me feeling it . " Wow . " I picked up my suitcase and took a few steps forward . The entire path and the trees and shrubbery behind the orange trees were lit up in an orange - yellow glow . It no longer looked spooky . " I have a little bit of a problem . You see , I kind of like to run towards trouble . It all started when I was a teenager , when my mom was dating this dirt bag that liked to knock her about . I was barely at home , so I didn 't even realise it was going on , but one time I was listening to music in bed when I heard her scream and him yelling at her . It was quite the festivity as you can imagine . Anyway , without even thinking about it I stormed out of my room and just jumped him , scratching , kicking and even biting him until he bled . So what do you think happened ? " " She starts crying . Crying ! " I hold out my hands for emphasis . " Like that is going to do anything . Did you see me cry ? No , I acted , because that 's what you do when you feel very strongly about something … like wanting to protect someone you love . But no , not her . I was in a coma for three months before I woke up . Know what I did when I got back on my feet ? " I slurped on my lemonade . " I set their house on fire . " I slurped again . " They survived and had some scars and absolutely no possessions or a home . Serves them right , no ? " " Here 's the thing , though . I got away with it , so I guess the moral of the story is , when you run towards trouble , at least make sure you can punch it before it starts running after you . " I wink . I place the gun on the table . " Just to explain how I became a bounty hunter and that you 're totally under citizen 's arrest right now . " I flash him a smile . " Thanks for the lemonade , though . " In one swift motion Yumi Yoshida turned around . There was nothing to see , the car park was empty except for her Yamaha motorcycle and one dark Mercedes . She heard the sound of a howling dog again . It sounded like it came from the adjoining park . If you could even call it that , it was just trees and a sea of grass stretched out as far as the eye could see . Nothing but total darkness surrounded the car park and the pub she was heading towards . Yumi turned back and kept her eyes on the pub . She had been here before to check out the place , but she hadn 't yet been inside . The ice cold wind caused her to shiver and she quickened her pace . She could hear the rapid tapping sound of her high heels on the pavement that was still wet from the rain earlier that evening . She brushed her hair out of her face and checked her watch . It was exactly midnight . A few lampposts poorly lit up the car park . From a distance it would seem like the pub and car park were floating in darkness , like a miniscule planet floating in space . Walking in an empty car park towards a pub that was situated on a hill in the middle of nowhere at midnight may have sparked fear in any woman in her late twenties but not in Yumi Yoshida . She was the kind of woman who could handle herself . She had moved to London from Kyoto when she was ten and ever since she turned eighteen she had been moving around the country doing what she did best . She reached the back of the establishment and stepped into a red telephone box that was placed at the left corner . There was an old , wet newspaper on the floor with a distorted picture of some child , and the phone was hanging off the hook . It smelled like urine and coffee . Yumi picked the phone up by the cord and took out a handkerchief to clean the phone before putting it to her ear . A brief moment later she stepped out of the telephone box and walked to the front of the building . She stopped to look inside . It was a small pub with bad lighting . The radio was playing popmusic in the background . Behind the bar stood a middle aged bartender cleaning a couple of beerglasses , she couldn 't see his face . In the reflection of the window , she saw her long , dark hair frame her face . Her long fringe covered her eyebrows and beneath the dark strands she could see her lightblue contacts . She only ever put them in when she had to work . She stepped inside and smelled fish , chips and grease . She walked straight on to the only other person sitting in the pub . His back was turned towards her . " Is this seat taken ? " she asked and sat down without awaiting a reply . " Go ahead , " said the man and pushed his glasses back . It was a man in his thirties with short , sandy hair and hazelnut eyes . He wore a grey suit with a deep - purple shirt and violet tie . " You must be … " He looked down at his coffee and moved in his chair . He then loosened his tie before he spoke again , somewhat softer than before . " Her name is Heather and here 's her picture . " From his breast pocket he took a picture and slid it to her side of the table . Yumi picked it up and saw it was a picture of them together , holding each other and smiling , happy and unaware . They seemed so at ease , so at home with each other no matter where they would be . How could it have come to this ? There is no such thing as true , unconditional love , except maybe with babies and dogs . She couldn 't help but wonder if it meant that the smarter you are , the less you become capable of loving . Yumi snorted . The man looked up . " I got it , " she said and wanted to slide the picture back but the man said : " No , keep it . I don 't need it anymore . " He then finished his coffee and they sat in silence for a moment . Yumi was observing him and couldn 't help but think he didn 't seem like the type of man who was capable of doing any harm . Usually she could tell for sure , and if she couldn 't she had time to shadow someone , but in this case everything had gone so fast . It seemed understandable considering the case . " No , I don 't . I 'm good at what I do , which means people are willing to pay for something I can give them . It 's that simple . " She just tapped her fingers on the table . It didn 't make a sound though , because she was still wearing her gloves . She narrowed her eyes at him . He had a frown on his face and was unconsiously tapping his indexfinger on his watch . " Life really is all about money , isn 't it ? " His voice sounded gentle . Yumi remained silent . He got up to go to the lavatory and excused himself . Yumi leaned back and let out a sigh . She still had the picture in her hand and looked at it again . She was actually thankful for the life she had , at least she had the chance to do something meaningful . After a couple of minutes she saw Mr . Stone coming out of the lavatory and got up . She gestured towards the exit and dropped a twenty pound note at the bar . Then she walked towards the door with Mr . Stone on her heels . Together they walked past the building back to the car park . Yumi closed her eyes when the cold wind struck against her face . She had kept on her leather jacket and gloves inside , which made the drop in temperature very welcome . " You said both was fine , but I brought cash with me . I figured that would be harder to trace , " Mr . Stone suddenly explained . He unlocked the car with his key fob as they nearly reached it . Yumi looked around and noticed it was still as deserted as when she had arrived . The car was right beneath a lamppost and when Mr . Stone opened a briefcase in the trunk she could clearly see all the money in it . " Half up front and after , right ? " He grimaced . Not in an evil way , but more like he was disguising his discomfort . He put his hand in his jacket and Yumi automatically reached for her gun . He took out a picture and handed it to her . It was the picture of a little boy . He had brown hair and freckles and his broad smile showed he was missing two front teeth . " Yes , he died a few months ago . My wife has always treated him very poorly , without me knowing . I was always at work and even though I noticed he was mostly quiet , I thought it was because he missed his mother . But then I found his diary and even though his death was technically an accident , I can 't help but feel she 's responsible . I can 't even look at her anymore and I don 't remember the last time I said more than a sentence to her . " Everything happened fast from that moment on . She 'd taken her knife and cut the palm of his hand . Following her instructions he had held his hand over the front seat of his car . He had put his tie around his hand to stop the blood from spilling on the ground . He left his car keys in the ignition and only took the briefcase . It didn 't matter if his wife thought she 'd taken the money . Now , he had a chance to start over . Yumi took a deep breath before stepping out in the cold wind . Her black hair moved fiercely in front of her face , dancing . She ripped up the picture of the happy couple and the wind blew away the pieces into the darkness . |
As Jane stood outside of the small coffee shop , looking in , she couldn 't believe what she was seeing . It had been a long time since they last spoke , but at this moment , everything seemed just like before . Sarah didn 't look much different from six years ago . Her hair was still long , stubbornly curling around her always glowing complexion . Her green eyes were focused , like two moons ready to engulf the darkness . How many times had Jane wiped away their rivers ? How many times had she trusted their innocent reflections ? As she stood there , slowly letting past memories flood over her , Jane suddenly found herself gasping for more air . Was it just her , or was the air stuffier ? Forcing herself to step back from the glass surface , she strode away , putting some distance between her past and what seemed to be her imminent present . Three blocks later , Jane finally slowed down her pace , matching the ongoing traffic on the sidewalk . She had ran away as if she had seen the devil in person . How was it possible that one person - who had meant so much to her at one point in her life , how could she stir up so many contradicting feelings within her ? Jane was puzzled , and even more so , frustrated . Her day had started so well ! Now , the sight of an old friend rained on her parade . But why ? she asked herself , reaching a familiar place - the local grocery store . As she perused down the produce isle , Jane thought about relationships , and more specifically about bad breakups . They left you empty handed , exhausted and heart broken . There was no immediate cure to pain , nothing that didn 't require time and many hours of counseling . It wasn 't just about past boyfriends , even female friendships hélas ! - were not immune to this condition . Jane was a big proponent of the " everything happens for a reason " ideology . She used it to justify all of her heartbreaks , be they professional or more personal . She thought the Universe was trying to teach her something , that if only she took her time to listen , then maybe she would be rewarded with better opportunities . After all , didn 't they say " when one door closes , another opens " ? When she had closed her door ( literally ) on Sarah six years ago , she was convinced that it was what needed to happen . In her mind , there was nothing left to put back together . No glue in the whole wide world could fix their broken friendship . Jane had had enough of perpetually being trapped inside Sarah 's never - ending drama . She was mentally exhausted of always picking up the pieces , just as she was tired of always being the one to collect all the blame . As painful as it had been to detach herself from the one person she had thought she 'd be linked to indefinitely , it was a decision she had had to make . So why was she doubting herself at this moment , when so much time had passed ? Seeing Sarah had sown new seeds of doubts . Of course , Jane knew deep inside , that she had made the right decision for her at that time . As hard as it had been to separate herself from Sarah , she needed to distance herself from the young woman . Sarah always acted with her own interest in mind , not really worrying whether or not she was walking over people . There was always this sense of entitlement about her . That , and also this impulsiveness about everything . One moment they would be sitting quietly in the library , studying for their upcoming exam , and a moment later , they were driving to the next state to crash a party that a friend of Sarah 's was throwing . Sometimes even , Sarah would drag Jane to her blind dates , before ditching her for her beau - du - jour . She never seemed to worry about Jane , never seemed to care whether or not she was putting her through uncomfortable situations . Did she even care ? Jane would often ask herself . Sure , Jane too could have protested , thrown her own fits , refuse to tag along , but she hadn 't reached her threshold . She could cope with an occasional incident , she could be the better friend , the plane Jane , the one who made sure they never left their homes without having fully charged phones , or be the one who would ensure they both had a safe way to get back home . There was never a dull moment , it was always a go - go rhythm , and Jane frankly didn 't know how to press on pause . Of course , it wasn 't all bad . Maybe it was the good times that brought her these moments of doubts ? Or was it the way she had put stop to their friendship ? Jane knew it was mostly the later . She did miss Sarah at times , especially when a song they both used to like came on the radio , or when someone passed her by , trailing behind the same smell as did her long lost friend . Hélas , too much blood had spilled between them during the last year of their friendship . Too many ugly words were voiced , fingers were pointed , objects were thrown . They had tried their best to patch things up , pretend they were not diverging from one another , refusing to accept that one bad year could undue many good ones . Yet , eventually , there was no more fighting left in Jane . She had given her all to this friendship , and she had to go . So after one last big fight , where Sarah called her names , Jane had had it . She threw Sarah out of her apartment , and before slamming the door on her friend , told her to go fuck herself . The end of their friendship ironically coincided with the end of their undergraduate degree . Eventually they both moved away , started new lives somewhere , and Jane never thought she 'd see Sarah ever again . The world was really a small place to live in , wasn 't it ? As she walked back home from the grocery store , Jane stopped . She turned and retraced her steps back to the coffee shop , wondering if she would still find Sarah there . She believed the Universe was testing her resolve to put the past behind , and maybe even give her another chance to do things the right way ; to politely part ways ? This idea brought her some comfort . But was that even possible , at this stage ? She didn 't want Sarah back into her life , of that she was certain , but she also didn 't want to go through life dragging their painful separation , replaying it over and over as a movie of poor taste . Back in front of the coffee shop vitrine , Jane took a deep breath in . She peaked through the glass , only to find the seat where Sarah had been sitting moments ago vacated . A wave of relief and sadness washed over her . Relief to not have to confront her past , sadness for not getting a chance to do so . Stepping back from the glass surface for the second time that day , Jane turned away , colliding into a pedestrian . When she looked up , ready to serve her apologies , Sarah stood in her way . I hear you rummaging through the kitchen as you do every morning , always looking for that pot and that cup . Just by the sound of your movements , I know whether or not you are in a good mood . Right now you are absently humming a melody which I am not familiar with . As I lay in our bed , I think of how much I love the sound of your voice , how much I love hearing you laugh . The bedside clock tells me it is eight in the morning . I know that in a few minutes you will come back to our bed , your steaming cup of coffee in one hand and my newspapers in the other . I will pretend to be asleep , and you will slowly lean over me and wake me up with a kiss . You will offer me your coffee , of which I will take a sip and then you will tell me how great today will be . You will take place by my side in our bed , and we will snuggle for another hour . You will tell me that you love me , and I will tell you that I do too . The truth is , I don 't think we ever stop loving the person we once fell in love with . I think we just transform our love into different - other feelings . Right now , at this moment , although I know I will tell you that I love you , I wish I could tell you the truth . This truth : I don 't love you anymore , I want to leave you and move on with my life . Of course , I know I will never tell you this and you will never really know how I feel . It 's not because I am afraid of what might or might not happen , or that I am a coward . It is because I cannot bear in mind to cause you grief . I love the sound of your voice , how happy you look when we are together . I love how everything seems easy and looks beautiful to you . Even I . The man who cannot tell you how much he wants to leave you . The man who lives this life , just so that you can be happy . Because if you are happy , then that makes me less of an asshole , does it ? Sometimes I catch you staring at me , with your cats eyes . They seem to tell me " I know everything " . Do you though , know ? Behind all your compliments , your smiles , your projects for us … do you know how I really feel ? Who I really am ? I don 't know if I want you to . Maybe the real problem isn 't that I don 't want to hurt you . Maybe I am afraid my life will fall apart and lose its meaning the moment I release you from my hold . I know it 's selfish , but I am human . I have to hold on to something , and so I hold on to you , like one holds on to a lifeline . When you take my hand in the middle of a conversation , as to reassure me that everything will be ok , I remind myself of all the reasons that led me to love you that first day of September . We were so young then . You studied creative writing and I was writing my Ph . D . thesis . You couldn 't stop talking about these dreams you had and which had to mean something . Because no one dreams just for the sake of dreaming , do they ? You were so convinced that if one only desired happiness , then happy they should be . I think hearing you say that over and over , as if it was some sort of mantra , turned me into a believer . I remember that I couldn 't stop from hearing you talk . And your laugh . It has always been my downfall . Your secret weapon of which you are not even aware of . After all , you are always up there , somewhere , always chasing happiness the way people chase butterflies in the summer . Only now , I tune you out . Most of the time , I have no idea what has been said . Your lips move in front of me , and no sound seems to reach me . I want to shout " I am done ! I am leaving you ! " but I find myself trapped . When you hold my hand in yours , I try really hard , to get back to you . I try to find all those things that made us " us " . And so I share your laugh , I bring you peonies - because they are your favorites , I pay for those vacations you plan all year round for us . And I keep hoping that one day , I will again feel that spark that turned me into a believer . WhileMay 18 , 2014February 25 , 2016 by kalieta 05 . ' Sister ' . Short Stories , Uncategorized At what point did she change ? Truth is , I have no idea . One day , she just seemed different . She looked the same , spoke the same , but something about her had changed . Of course one could easily argue that I had changed , that it was the way I saw her that made me believe that she was not the same person I had encountered and shared most of my life with . And I wouldn 't dispute this belief , because after all , don 't we all change ? Maybe , as we interact with others , we slowly change each other , by picking something unconsciously from this one or that one , until one day we are not the person we used to be . Despite the different opinions and theories , the truth was there : we no longer shared the common ideals , the common dreams and view of the world . There was no laughter left , no jokes to be told , no dreams to be exchanged . Only remembrance of the past , of how good things used to be remained behind like ghosts that never wanted to leave . I remember when we first met , we didn 't like each other at first . It took our friends to bring us together ; before not long , we were always around each other . We were young , we had fun and most of all , we knew we were lucky to have one another . Together with our faithful group of friends we outed , dined , had long conversations , shared our aspirations . I liked her for being stubborn and strong - minded . You couldn 't tell her no , she always has the last word . There was a time when she sat her eyes on the boy I liked , despite being already in a relationship . I knew then that she would have him even though the boy vowed he loved me . Soon enough , they were an item , and I could not get mad at her , after all , she always got whatever her heart desired . To my surprise , their couple lasted for three years . You know at that young age , three years seem an eternity . I imagined them getting married one day , and how I would be the Maid of Honor . She knew how many kids she wanted : three to be exact - two boys and a girl . She was very into american stars at the moment and the names of her future kids had that american connotation . She knew she was going to move to the United States as soon as she would be done with high school . I admired that in her ; her certainty about things , about people and even the future , which was still a bit foggy to me . We only had a year left together , a year which I will probably always remember . When I think of our senior year , I slowly realize that things began to change right then . But we were too caught up in our lives to see it coming . We had hopes . We had dreams . We had faith . Love is blind , I 've heard people say . I didn 't know love , for me it was a foreign concept . After all , I was young and busy planning my future . There was no room for love . At least not the romantic kind . She did not agree . She wanted it all now or never . And so she made her move , while I busied myself with my future . She gave herself to the boy , and soon everything she knew started to fall apart and the world began to change . For once , I was the one to be certain while she arbored something new within herself . Was it doubt ? Regret ? Envy ? Sadness ? I couldn 't tell . All I could see was that something within her was starting to change . The lost love had taken a toll on her , and she had hard time finding her way back to the person she was before . Truth be told , I didn 't want to think of what crossed her mind at that moment . I wanted to preserve her image in my head as the strong girl who was my friend . The one who always dared and laughed when I was uncertain . Although I tried to reassure her that everything would be okay , that she would know a wonderful life just as she had pictured it for herself , somewhere I knew that she did not believe me . She did not believe herself . There is nothing worse than to lose hope at such young age . If I didn 't know it then , I sure do know it now . At what point did she change ? It might have been right then . The moment we parted away . The moment I gave her that last hug before boarding my plane . The moment she saw her life take an unexpected turn and saw all those who were close to her move away , start new lives . Lives that did not take her into account . Feeling left behind , excluded from what used to be her life , might have slowly broke her . It didn 't matter that I tried to call , that I tried to keep up with her as I was trying to go through my life . It didn 't matter that I came back to visit . I had left . And for her , I would never come back and things would certainly never get back to the way they used to be . You know the sad part ? I knew the same truth she did . I knew we would never be the people we were . That we would never laugh at the same jokes , look at life from the same side and dream the same dreams . I knew our roads had taken different turns . I knew that somewhere deep inside she resented me , and that we would never again be the same kind of friends . With trembling hands , Rebecca picked it up , bringing it to her lips . It was warm and she suspected it contained alcohol . A sip confirmed her suspicions : her brother had mixed rum with apple juice , to mask it 's bitterness . Rebecca was not really fond of alcoholic beverages , unless they were mild and made very sweet . Robert knew her better than anyone . Better than her own husband . This realization , made her shiver . Rebecca shook her head , holding to the cup as if her life depended on it . The remembrance of her husband brought in a flood of disagreeable memories . A reminder of what had happened ; what had lead her to seek refuge at her brother 's place . She took another sip , and another , her hands shaking more and more . Robert extended his forearm and placed a hand on her shoulder , squeezing it slightly . This contact was supposed to be comforting , but it only sent a discharge throughout her arm , making her pull away brusquely , pain crossing her lips . Rebecca knew that her brother was not easy to dismiss , and he would see it one way or another . She let out a sight , resigned and set the cup back on the table , pulling carefully her arm out of the sweater she 's been wearing . A quick look at his face , told her that he was horrified by what he was seeing . Her arm was very badly bruised , but not in an accidental way . Robert took off his eyes from her arm , long enough to ask her the question she knew was coming . " Don 't ? Jesus , Becca , look at your arm ! And from what I can see , it is not the only thing that you have bruised . How long has he been doing this to you ? And why didn 't you tell me ? I swear , if I get my hands on him … I will make him regret ever setting his eyes on you ! " he was fuming . Rebecca looked around the small kitchen . She came here to escape everything that had happened . She 'd hoped , like a fool , that her brother would have never found what was happening to her , or at least had happened . She 'd hoped that she could pretend that she had just had a bad dream . But Robert wasn 't going to let it slide , not if she did not tell him the full story . She had to tell him , before he made a stupid move . Inhaling she finally resolved to speak . " You took care of it ? By running away ? Jeez , Becca ! You can 't run away from your husband . We have to contact the authorities and have him arrested and as soon as he is behind those bars , we can get you out of this marriage , " he was going on and on . " I took care of it " she repeated , over and over , like a mantra . She was staring beyond Robert . Robert who now looked more mortified than worried , and who kept calling her name . But he seemed so far away now . So out of reach . Rebecca only saw her husband at this moment . They 'd fought that morning . He 'd hit her repeatedly as he had done before , and she was trying to protect herself from his assaults . She started counting , waiting for him to stop . When he 'd finally left , she found herself unable to get up , tears rolling down as she lay helpless . Later that night as she lay down on their marital bed , she 'd pretended being asleep , afraid that he 'd do something to her in her sleep . She had hidden a knife underneath her pillow . Just in case , she 'd thought . She wouldn 't be the victim anymore . She would fight back . Only a fight never occurred . She had taken care of him in his sleep . Before she knew it she 'd slit his throat open , watching him bleed out . And now he stood in front of her , while she repeated over and over her mantra . The room was cold . The walls had been stripped off the frames that had been holding the memories of its previous inhabitants . A thick layer of dust covered the surfaces like a warm blanket meant to comfort . But there was no comfort to be sought within the premises . The sun was slowly setting down , casting its last sunlights on the southern wall which faced the fireplace , which had not been cleaned in ages from the look of it . Then again , the place hadn 't been for a while . Hayley brushed her hand over the dusty surface of the work desk in the corner of the room , while trying to figure out what it is that she was doing here . She 'd been on the lookout for a place for her photoshoot , and somehow had ended up on this abandoned side of the tracks . Few were those who adventured themselves on this part of town , and the reasons were many . According to her grandmother , this side of town used to be the home of many colored families , back when segregation was a norm . After it had been lifted , many where those who took the opportunity to leave the tracks and seek a new life far from the constant reminder of their misfortune . Those who wouldn 't move away were soon forced to when the local plant shut down , leaving its employees out of jobs . It was a very dark period for the town . It didn 't take long before this side of town was deserted , young people preferring the hype of the big cities , and old ones trying to move closer to the new jobs to save on commute . Now the " tracks " as they were called were mostly a ghost town . Hayley didn 't know what she hoped to find here . She mostly felt the sadness of this place . To think that once upon a time there used to be a family sitting around this fireplace , telling bedtime stories and sharing a good laugh around a good meal … She could picture it . Before she knew it , Hayley had her camera out and was snapping some shots . Suddenly the place did not feel cold or empty ; she could sense the auras of its owners , see the history unveil itself before her eyes . Soon , each abandoned October 14 , 2013February 25 , 2016 by kalieta 02 . A Note From The Past . Short Stories , Uncategorized Elena Kovinski was daydreaming in the winter veranda , enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the cold day . From time to time kids ' giggles would reach hear ears , reassuring her that everyone was fine . Her husband had gone into town with their youngest son Bryan , and she was left at home with her two eldest - Joshua and Eric . She felt very lucky to have boys that could behave . Most of the time she didn 't have to worry about them doing stupid things like breaking an arm or leg . Of course as young boys they were full of energy and sometimes they even fought , but Elena was never too worried about that ; after all she herself had been pretty active when she was their age and she could not remember the number of times she had got into trouble with her brothers . It was all part of the life cycle . Luckily for her , her sons did not give her as much trouble as she used to give to her parents , growing up . This realization made her smile . As she reached for the cup of hot tea , a loud noise of crashing and breaking glass reached her ears . Her heart stopped for a second and as she was jumping on her feet , it began pounding faster and faster , matching her quick steps towards the source of the noise . The boys stood around the grandfather clock , which had been in her family for generations . Shattered glass laid across the wooden floor , and Eric was sobbing aware of the mess and the trouble that awaited him and his brother . Elena 's heart jumped again at the scene before her and she rushed towards her boys , checking them for any potential injuries . " Are you alright ? Did you get hurt ? " was all she could ask over and over . Joshua kept reassuring her that they were fine , that they hadn 't been that close to the clock when it fell down , but she could not stop making sure that they were alright . Eric on the other hand could not stop crying . At six years old , he was still a baby - her baby . She grabbed her sons and covered them with kisses and hugs , relieved that nothing bad had happened to them . " It 's okay , baby , you 're fine " she kept saying to Eric , whose tears were now turning into soft sobs . Joshua looked as miserable as his brother , but being three years older was way over crying for random things . " Mommy … we are really sorry . We didn 't mean to … we just were playing " he was pleading . She looked up to him and opened her free arm , inviting him for a group hug . He hesitated a minute before rushing into her arms . " It 's okay . I am glad you were not injured . That 's all . Plus , things fall and brake , that 's life . Now , how about you take Eric back to your playroom while I clean up ? We can then have some chocolate cake " she offered , knowing how much hey boys loved her homemade chocolate cake . Joshua looked into her eyes to make sure that it was okay to leave and that she wasn 't mad at them before taking his little brother by his hand and guiding him back upstairs . Once they were gone , Elena took in a deep breath . She had had the scare of her life . Now that everyone was good , she looked at the mess around her . Her great grandfather 's clock was laying flat on the floor , and she would need to wait on her husband to get back to be able to lift it back to its position . The only thing she could do right now was to sweep the broken glass . As she was sweeping off the floor , she noticed that the clock had cracked on a side and she sighed . This clock was their family 's inheritance and she hoped the crack could be fixed before her mother or any other member of her family noticed it . Her cousin had been pretty upset when everyone agreed to give the clock to Elena and she did not want to give any one of them a reason to not trust her with family belongings in the future . As she got closer to the crack , she noticed that it was actually a small trap that had unfastened , revealing a small hidden compartment . Intrigued , Elena reached into the small space with her fingers and retrieved a piece of paper . Excitement grew inside of her as she looked unfolded the paper . To her surprise the letter was addressed to her . I hope this letter finds you in time . I have been diagnosed with terminal cancer and as painful it is for me to know that I will not watch you grow up and become the wonderful woman that I am sure you will turn up to be some day , I am glad I was able to see you come into this world . I know your great grandmother Theresa would have loved to have this opportunity . We haven 't had a girl in our family for four generations now and you can hardly imagine how much joy you brought into our hearts . I hope that life blesses you , my dear granddaughter and that you grow up to be everything you want . Your mom is a very strong minded person , and I am sure she will raise you right . I hope God will bless you with a loving family and a good life , my dear . Please remember us , because you will always be in our hearts . Your great grandmother left you a necklace to remember us by , and if you look closer into the grandfather clock that should have passed on to you , you will find it stored within its walls . Elena stared at the piece of paper , reading it over and over . She didn 't notice her wet eyes . She never expected to find such a beautiful testimony of love , and it was dedicated to her . She slowly lowered herself to the level of the lying clock and with her right hand brushed the wooden surface of the clock . " I love you too , papi " she murmured . She considered moving the clock on her own , but knew it would be pointless as it would probably result in her pulling a muscle . She held the piece of paper close to her heart , and with a smile went back to the veranda . She was crying in the bedroom . He was smoking by the kitchen window , trying to ignore her loud sobs . They 've been there before , and as usual they would get through this . He just knew the game too well . She would get tired of crying , and would eventually fall asleep in their queen size bed , and he would come join her later . They would wake up in each other 's arms , apologizing and promising to never fight again like they had . But they both knew it would be a lie ; they would fight again - eventually . He heard a stuffed noise coming from the bedroom , and reported his attention to the skyline that was rising proudly outside of the window . This apartment had been their home for the past two years and would be for some more to come . An opening door drew him from his daydreaming state , and killing off the cigarette , he stepped into the hallway , right in time to see her put on her winter boots , a small suitcase behind her . " So that 's it ? " he let out , incredulous . She didn 't stop dressing up and when she finally looked at him , he knew that this time their story had reached its end . " That 's it . I am leaving . We can 't go on like this - I can 't . I 'm sorry . " And she was gone . He watched the door close behind her , without making a move to stop her . Surely she would come back - he hoped . He was sitting on the corner of the bed , a glass of whiskey in hand . He looked around , meeting only the shape of a woman sound asleep in the cotton bedsheets . Soon it would be the morning , and the beginning of a new year . He slowly got up and began to dress . It was time he went home . He always hoped she would be there , waiting for him . Time had gone by since the day she closed the door of their apartment , but he hadn 't stopped waiting . She would come back - he would reassure himself . The apartment had not changed at all , despite it being more messy . Her stuffs still occupied their original place , as if she had never left . He never invited other women over . He hardly ever stayed in , either . Instead , he went out every night , meeting a new woman at a local bar or club and ending in her bed - most of the times . What he didn 't want to admit to himself , was that he was heartbroken . He would never love anyone as much as he 'd loved her . All he could hope was that she would realize that she still loved him too , and would return to him . He saw her again , six months later . He was walking out of a coffee shop , and she was there , across the street hailing for a cab . Their gaze met for a few seconds , and they smiled at each other . She blew him a kiss before disappearing in the city 's traffic . He stood there for a few minutes , wondering if he 'd dreamed it all . She kept smiling as she was entering her office . She never expected to see him again , and yet , it felt good . He hadn 't changed at all , but she had . Time did heal - after all . She was wrapping a scarf around her neck , keeping an eye on the bedside clock . If she didn 't hurry up , she would miss her train . She picked up a pen and wrote down I 'm Sorry on a small piece of paper , that she slipped into an envelope and set it on the bed , as well as her spare key . It 'd been two years since she last broke up with someone . She had been happy this past year ; she 'd seen the world , fallen in love with a new guy and laughed as hard as if she 'd never been heartbroken . But it hadn 't been enough . Enough to keep her in this life - at least . She stepped on the platform and waited for the train to park . She had made her decision the night before , while they were out dining . He had been talking about the future , about buying a house , and settling in for good , and all she could picture was her old apartment , that was too big for one person , and yet was too small for two . She had to go back . It was her home . She sat there in the train , smiling to herself . She was scared but she had faith . Everything would be right in the end . He opened his eyes to the smell of her perfume . The year was touching to its end , and he couldn 't find a reason to be unhappy . He brought her hand to his lips and softly kissed it . It 'd been months since she came back , but he still had hard time believing it . She looked up at him , and smiled . They would fight - eventually , but they would always find the road back into their love . After all , love was a bumpy road , and as long as they were together , they would lift each other up . Of that she was now certain . |
We specialize in all things frightening . From true stories to fiction , horror movies to creepy art , we 're your one - stop spot when you want to be infested by the creepy - crawlies . Now , turn off the lights . Lock your doors . Try your best to make it through the night . We took two cars with the guys in the lead car and us girl traveling behind . They pulled off into the first campsite they could find because it was getting dark and they wanted to set up tents in an area they could clearly see . We all hiked into a field near a pine forest and set up our tents before we fanned out to start finding kindling for a fire . J felt uneasy and decided to stay at camp while everyone else searched . When we returned , J was agitated but not enough for us all to be concerned . We assumed she didn 't like the location of the campsite or that she was having problems with D or that she just wasn 't fond of camping . We built a fire and sang worship songs ( they were all involved in local churches ) . After singing and joking around we went to bed . The boys went in one tent and the three of us girls slept in the another . Sometime during the night our tent was unzipped and someone slipped in and crawled up parallel to J . I thought it was D trying to wake J and talk to her about something because I could feel her body moving like she was being shaken awake . I told D that he couldn 't be in here , and that if he needed to talk to J , he should do it in the morning . Her body stopped moving , and D slinked out . I quickly fell back asleep . The next morning we all woke up , and made breakfast but realized J wasn 't with us . We called to her but she didn 't come out of the tent . I asked D what he said to her last night . D said that he told her that once they started hiking and exploring , she would enjoy camping . I responded , " ' Why did you have to tell her that in the middle of the night ? ' " He cocked his head to the side like [ our dog used to do when he was confused ] , and replied , " ' No , I told her that at dinner . The only time I got up last night was to pee . " Skeptical , I went into the tent to ask J myself . She was on her left side facing the wall of the tent . I grabbed her shoulder and rolled her onto her back . Her sleeping bag was spongy and wet with blood . She had been stabbed in the chest several times . They still don 't know who did it " I used to work graveyards at a Circle K in a northern CA college town . CA law states that no alcohol can be sold between 2 - 6 am . At about 2 : 45 am , a couple of guys come into the store , go to the cooler to grab a couple of 18 packs of shit - beer ( Coors , Keystone . . . can 't remember now ) . I tell the ' leader ' of the duo that it 's after 2 , I can 't sell the beer to him . As he starts getting irate , I offer him a free coffee , soda , candy bar , but I can 't sell the beer . ( Cops and management had been all over our asses for questionable sales ) The leader gets the 1000 - yard stare in his eyes and proceeds to start reaching for the small of his back , at which point his buddy says , " Stop , man . It 's not worth it . " The leader smiled at me and winked and said " See you soon . . . " and left . I was about 12 years old . We were heading home through Branson , MO after I had just spent a week at a summer camp . I , having eaten a massive week - end feast had to drop a deuce so we stopped at one of the outlet malls . As I 'm rushing in to the bathroom , I notice this fat old guy kind of creepily looking at me and smiling but fuck it , people are weird and I gotta poop ! So I rush in , quickly inspect for the cleanest stall , and begin the ritual . About 30 seconds later , I hear the bathroom door open and some movement . I ignore it because people use the bathroom all the time . But something seems a bit off . I finish pooping , and notice there 's a figure outside my stall . I look at the crack between the door and see AN EYEBALL . The dude was staring at me . . . I made eye contact . And then I just froze out of fear and began tearing up a little . He move away from the crack . shuffled slowly into the stall next to me . I begin wiping VERY quickly ( no easy task . . . damn camp food ) . Then I see his hand , slowly , inching , under , the , stall , divider . I outright nearly begin to cry at this point . This didn 't happen to me , but it happened to my cousin who was about 30 years old at the time . She was walking out of a Meijer 24 hour store late at night and she noticed there was a strange guy following close behind her . When she looked back he said hello , and asked her if she would take off her shoes and let him give her a foot massage . So she started to walk faster , and then he asked something about giving him some toenail clippings . At that point she was both grossed out and creeped out . She started running and slipped off one shoe and pulled off a sock and threw it back at him just before getting in her car and locking the doors . This must have been enough to satisfy this creeps foot fetish because he grabbed it and quickly wandered off . We tease her about it now , but it 's still very strange . In NYC on a train heading from Brooklyn to the city , a stop or two before the bridge , in the middle of the day , enough of a packed car to occupy all seats with some people standing . . . I was sitting down , when this huge man walked by and stopped right in front of me . He didn 't look homeless , just some angry dude that must have been doped out of his mind on crack , cocaine , or some combination of both . He was dressed in clean street clothes , but had an open bottle of beer in one hand and a lit cig in the other . Never since have I ever seen anyone that angry , and part of me really believed this man was out to kill someone . He happened to pick me . I was 16 years old , and not dressed in any provocative way , actually something similar to this but the guy just stopped right in front of me and proceeded to spew the most racial sexist insults . I tried not to let it affect me , but after having this guy inches away from my face screaming how all white women are whores and they should be put under ground , for what seemed like eternity , I let it eat me up inside . Normally I would react and say something , but that day I stood quiet only whispering a " please leave me alone " . I even carried a pocket knife on me , but some part of me just felt that this guy was going to murder me right then and there if I even moved the wrong way . In the end he got off the train first , but not before throwing his lit cigarette at me and splashing the beer on the floor so it would hit me . The thing that bothered me the most is that not a single person did a thing . Not one . Most people looked away , except one guy who when asked by the man if he agreed that " cunts like me should get raped and murdered " the guy nodded yes . Yes . I lost faith in humanity in a big way that day . After the menacing man left , a girl sat next to me to ask if I was ok , I told her it was no big deal being NY and all . . . but two minutes later I stepped off the train and couldn 't stop shaking and crying for half an hour . It affected me for years to come , I think because I was very young and in a bad place as it was . Anyway , my damn car 's tire suddenly gets wrecked and I manage to pull to the side of the road . It was late , in one of the many bad parts of town , but I did not really understand that at the time ( I am not a native of the city ) so I got out and get ready to change my tires ( I was not a member of the AAA ) . I was working on the back tire that was shredded when suddenly another car pulled up and stopped right in front of my car . I assumed he was there to help me ( stupid ) , so I got up to talk to him . The man in the other car got out , and proceeded to walk over and crouch near my front tire with some tools , and started to take the tire off . When I was a sophomore in high school , a friend would drive me home . One day we went to a record store with two other friends , and on the way back to drop me off , this guy in a truck passed us like an asshole , narrowly missing our car and oncoming traffic . We decide it 'd be fun to follow him for a bit . So he turns onto another road shortly after and immediately pulls up to a mailbox and starts retrieving his mail . As we pass him , all four of us flip him off out the window and continue driving down the road . About a half mile later , we see the same vehicle driving insanely fast behind us . He tailgates us for a bit while we start to panic a little . We start to slow down for a stop sign , and the guy whips around us and cuts us off , slamming on his brakes in front of us . We wait for just a moment , and he steps out of his car with a crow bar . We drive around him , but there 's a stop sign in front of us so we had to pause briefly . The guy runs towards my door ( the rear passenger door ) and grabs for it when my friend takes off . We 're flying down this road , hoping to lose him . We make another turn on to a really busy street and we think we 've lost him . We turn again and drive normally for a few miles , and at this point we 're convinced we 're safe . We pull up to another intersection and are waiting in the right - turn lane , when we look behind us , and two or three cars behind us is the same dude , in the turning lane , flashing his headlights on and off . We make our turn and speed down the road , but so does the other guy . He speeds around us and slams on his brakes again , forcing us to stop . We try to go around him but he keeps maneuvering so we can 't get around . Eventually we stop and I say something stupid like , " maybe he just wants to talk to us . " So he 's straddling both lanes of the road and gets out of his car with his crowbar in hand and a terrifying look on his face . My friend drives off the road , gets around the dude , and we speed away . He of course does the same and is driving like a fucking maniac , but so are we , so we maintain a bit of a lead on him . We were close to another friend 's house , so we pull into their driveway and into the open garage . We 're all terrified at this point , so we run inside and watch out the window for this asshole . He did drive past the house , but thank god we were parked in the garage so he didn 't see the car I had a drink on my own , there was no one else around in the bar and I made small talk with the bar tender . I ordered another drink and decided to use the bathroom . I was gone a couple of minutes and when I got back I noticed that my drink ( scotch and dry ) had a cloudy white rim at the top which isn 't normally there . On closer inspection , the cloudy froth was settling into a powdery residue on the side of the glass . Then he said that it always happens and its nothing . I then looked him directly in his eyes and asked , did he put anything in my drink . It 's hard to explain , but his response , though it was no , told me everything I needed to know . So I made out like I was more curious than anything , and asked him whether he would taste it . He said no and said he would pour me another . I declined and said I would drink it , but i just wanted him to tell me if it was off or not . I 'm hitch hiking for the first time ever in Jacksonville , FL . As I wait by the side of the road in the cool morning air , a black honda civic spots me and swerves across two lanes of rush hour traffic , screeches to a halt , and offers me a ride . A savvy , street smart person would think , " A normal person would never go through so much effort to pick up a hitch hiker . Fuck this guy . " As a naive and sheltered middle class beardless boy I think , " Awesome , a ride . " So I hop in . I look at this son of a bitch , past his innocent chubby cheeks into his beady eyes and say , " THANKS ! " He lingers in silence and lounges in the driver seat like someone in a recliner watching 2 . 5 men wishing he were brave enough to hang himself . The comic book guy doppleganger mutters , " This is a terrible place to hitch hike , all the traffic is going downtown for work . I 'll take you to a better exit down the freeway . " This is the point where my comfort in the car declines exponentially . We begin small talk . And after a few minutes he starts rubbing his weiner through his jeans . I see this in my peripheral and I 'm not quite sure what this blurry circular motion is . So I quick peek . And the gravity of the situation dawns on me . He 's revving up for the big race . I hide my pepper spray on the far side of my body and try to distract him from the impending penis reveal . So I rapid fire ask him questions , " What 's your favorite book ? What 's your favorite movie ? Do you like 2 % milk ? " He swats my questions away with grunts and disinterest and increases the RPMs . I watch him to make sure he doesn 't reach for a gun . I consider pepper spraying him if he does something threatening , but pepper spraying a driver at 70 mph entails mutually assured destruction . My mind races . Then with incredible slight of hand the dick magician releases the main attraction and his dick houdinis its way from captivity . He looks at me with a faint smirk . Silence lingers and I look straight ahead . His fleshy member wanders about freely . I see all of this in my peripheral . It takes a lot of courage to look at a grown man 's dick dead on , courage I didn 't have . My heart beats quickly , loudly . He breaks the silence , " Does this make you nervous ? " I reply immediately , " Hell yea it does . Are you kidding me ? This is not a part of my every day life , man . " He flares his nostrils and says , " Good answer . I just had some really good times when I was hitch hiking at your age and figured you might want to , you know , jerk off for me . " So I chime in with a " No thanks , that 's not my thing . Can you drop me off and put your wang away ? " His face reddens with embarrassment as if his high school sweet heart just turned him down , " Yeah . " He sheaths his sword of omens . So he drops me off . I get out of the car and my nervousness falls away . I fall to the ground laughing . How ridiculous . What a way to start my hitching adventure across the country . On some level I respect him though . It 's hard enough to talk to strangers or ask someone on a date let alone whip your dick ou I used to go to the University of Arizona in Tucson . One night some friends and I decided to go to Agua Prieta , Mexico , which is across from Douglas , Arizona . Agua Prieta is a shithole of a town . I met some Mexican friends and a few girls we knew at this club . After the club was closed , most of our other friends left and I was standing outside talking to one of the girls from the club and a bunch of other drunk Mexicans started yelling at me calling me gringo , cabron , pendejo , the usual insults . I speak Spanish so I knew what they were saying . They started walking towards me throwing beer bottles and on the other side of the street , a few policemen with shotguns drawn started walking towards me as well . The situation did not look very good at all . Me against about 12 people plus who the fuck knows what the police were going to do . I turned around and ran as fast as I could towards the border with beer bottles whizzing past me and breaking near my feet . Luckily I got to the border without getting my ass kicked or hit by any bottles . By the time I got the US border , the US border guards saw the people and police following me and basically told me I was lucky to get out of there alive . I never went back down there . Fuck that . A few months later , a Mexican American friend of ours was killed down there . I live in NYC and work the graveyard shift . I get out about 4 - 5am every night . So I 'm on the subway and I jump on the 1 train and there is this guy sitting alone with a fedora and a trench coat . we 're the only two in the car . I look at him right before I step on and we make eye contact . His eyes are bloodshot and crossed and I hesitate right before getting on and he notices clearly . I get on anyway and walk down to the complete opposite side of the car . I 'm bigger than him ( he 's a small fat , pale white , middle aged bald guy ) but he is just staring me down and hasn 't taken his hands out of his pockets . He has his eyes locked on me and it 's making me uncomfortable so I just turn and start staring at him ( thinking he might look away quickly ) . Instead , he stands up . I immediately stand up too and we are just standing at either end of the car looking at each other . As we 're pulling up to the next stop , I walk up to the door like I 'm getting off . The car stops and the doors open ( still no one in sight ) and I jump off the train . He jumps off too . I wait for the Ding ! the doors make before closing and jump back in right as they close . He doesn 't make it . As the train starts to pull out this guy just stares me down through the glass . I waved goodbye with a big shit eating grin . I used to live next to an eye hospital . One day , walking home , I was stopped by an old man who clearly had trouble seeing . He asked me to help him across the road to the hospital . I agreed , and he grabbed hold of my hand very tightly . At this point I noticed his fingers were stained brown from tobacco , covered in scabs , and his fingernails were very long and dirty . I started to think that my good deed for the day would be a bit regrettable . When we got to the other side of the road he still had my hand grasped so tightly I couldn 't politely pull away . " Do you want to see my eye ? " he said . One of his eyes was squeezed shut . With his free hand he pulled the lids apart and I realised to my horror that he had no eyeball just an empty socket . I started babbling ( still trying to be polite ) about how that was very interesting , but I had to go . I was standing outside my car , talking to AAA when a large , older black man approached me . He disregarded the fact that I was on the telephone , and asked if I needed help . A little weirded out , I smiled politely and thanked him , but told him I had AAA and they would take care of me . He insisted that he would help me , and gestured towards a silver car parked in the shadows , telling me he would drive me anywhere . I again thanked him , and told him no . He then said he was there to buy a soda and did I want anything ? At this point I was fed up and a little scared , so I firmly told him he needed to go buy his soda , and I was going to get into my car now . He walked off , I locked myself in the car , and the dispatcher at AAA , who had been on the phone for the entire conversation , asked if I wanted her to call the police . I told her no , it was fine . I didn 't want to come off as racist . God I was an idiot . I 've since learned the difference between racism and looking out for your personal well being . " Well , " the woman from AAA said , " You might not think you 're in any danger , but I 'm concerned , so I 'm bumping you to the top of the list . " We hung up , and I sat in the car , bored . At this point , I noticed my new friend had come out of the store and was standing about 20 feet from my car , staring at me . I thought this was very bizarre , and I started feeling a little nervous . I made sure my doors were safely locked . Over the next 20 minutes or so , I would take sidelong glances in his direction to see if he was still there . Eventually , he disappeared , and I heaved a sigh of relief . Then , suddenly , I saw him again - he had stepped back inside the store and was crouched behind a window cling , staring directly at me . This was too much - racism or no , I was fucking freaked out . I called 911 . " Oh , no , that won 't be necessary , I don 't want to waste anyone 's time . Could you please just stay on the phone with me until the tow truck gets here ? That way , if he approaches me again , I can show him I 'm on the phone with the police . " I told the dispatcher , very relieved by this turn of events when suddenly - - the man somehow appeared in front of my car ! He was walking right towards me , straight into my headlights ! He reached down to adjust his pants when - BAM . Now , since I was looking at my steering wheel , it came as quite a surprise when he appeared at my passenger door and tried to force his way in . Adrenaline is a funny thing - no longer was I a broken victim . I was pissed . I started screaming all sorts of obscenities at him . I told him I was on the phone with the FUCKING police , and they were going to put his ass in JAIL . I called him a bastard , a son of a bitch , a cunt . The poor 911 dispatcher must have thought I opened my door to scream at him , so she in turn was screaming at me to shut the door and wait for the cops . Several minutes after that , the tow truck rolls in . A gentlemen got out of the truck , and started heading my way . He noticed I wasn 't getting out of my car to greet him , so he pointed at his hat , which proudly stated AAA . I explained quickly what had happened , nodding towards the man calmly standing by the gas pumps . He had put his dick away at this point . I saw the tow truck driver 's face harden . " Did that motherfucker hit you ? " I watched him walk over to Mr . Creeper , and held my breath , expecting fists to be thrown . Instead , I saw what looked like a very cordial conversation . I found out after that he decided to pleasantly ask for directions to keep him here . Suddenly , we heard sirens . Mr . Creeper wildly looked in the direction of the sound , then directly at me , then glared at my Knight in Rusty Armor . He realized he had been tricked . So yeah . That 's my story . It wasn 't pleasant , but I 'm glad it happened to me and I was able to get him arrested . I shudder to think what would have happened to some other poor girl if he had gone free that night . I was driving home from a cousin 's graduation party , and I took a wondering route home through back - roads I had never been on . On my way home I and came across a book store in a tiny town in the woods . The book store was actually a house , where the front of the home had been converted into a store . There was a box on the porch that said " 50 cent books ! " so I stopped to see if there were any Stephen King books in there . Inside the store / home , there were a lot of cool art books and stuff , so I spent some more time in there . She brought me more tea . Even when I said , " no thank you , that 's plenty , " she kept refilling . Gave me dessert too - brownies and cookies . I didn 't realize it at the time , but she was drugging me . It 's hazy to remember the details , but at some point , she closed the shop , telling me to take my time looking at the books . She told me that she was going to go take a shower , and was gone for a while . When I was ready to pay , I had to wander back through her house to find her . I found her in her bedroom . She was in bed . I 'm pretty sure she was naked . At the time , I thought " weird , she 's watching an exercise video in bed ? " but later realized she was watching porn . When I stumbled outside , a fire engine drove by , screaming with sirens . In the distance was the glow of a big forest fire , and the stars were being covered by smoke . A tall man on a horse watched the fire truck pass . He looked right at me , took a piece of wood or something out of his mouth , and said , " town 's burnin ' . " I swear to God I have a crystal clear memory of this happening , even though I 'm sure it couldn 't have . By this point , I guess I was seriously tripping balls on something . I 'm not a drug guy , so I don 't know what I had , but I was out of my mind and could hardly walk . I got back in my car , and drove home , stupid I know , but what could I do , along twisting roads on tall cliffs above the ocean . Twice I realized I was on the wrong side of the road . One of the times I realized this because a massive truck was headed straight for me , laying on the horn and flashing it 's lights . I kept thinking about how my car could be like an airplane AND a submarine if I drove it off the cliff . I can 't believe I made it home alive . During finals week at college I was at the library studying late . I left the library pretty close to midnight and decided to carry my laptop to my car which was a block and a half away down a side street . The street was vacant and I was completely alone . My phone ran out of juice earlier in the night , and I did feel a little creeped out but it the area was pretty well lit , so I figured I 'd be okay . As I was walking , a sketchy pickup truck drove the opposite way and slowed way down to get a look at me . I was too scared to look at the driver , so I didn 't get a description of him . The truck did a k - turn behind me and started following me up the street . I immediately stopped , let it pass , and stood by a lamp post until it made a turn ( down the street where my car was ) . I went back to the library and asked public safety to walk me to my car . As we got closer , the truck that had been following me was idle in the space directly behind my car and sped off down the street as soon as he saw me and the cop . I used to work graveyards at a Circle K in a northern CA college town . CA law states that no alcohol can be sold between 2 - 6 am . At about 2 : 45 am , a couple of guys come into the store , go to the cooler to grab a couple of 18 packs of shit - beer ( Coors , Keystone . . . can 't remember now ) . I tell the ' leader ' of the duo that it 's after 2 , I can 't sell the beer to him . As he starts getting irate , I offer him a free coffee , soda , candy bar , but I can 't sell the beer . ( Cops and management had been all over our asses for questionable sales ) The leader gets the 1000 - yard stare in his eyes and proceeds to start reaching for the small of his back , at which point his buddy says , " Stop , man . It 's not worth it . " The leader smiled at me and winked and said " See you soon . . . " and left . Two days later I got fired for telling the regional dickhead that 2 people needed to be on at night ( and a few other things ) so my assistant manager had to cover my shift . That night he was robbed and had the shit knocked out of him by a guy that fit the description of the tool I 'd dealt with a few nights before . Narrowly avoided getting a shotgun shoved in my face , but a friend wound up with it instead . ( Hello Alone at Night visitors . Our new book is alive ! It 's available on Amazon . I love to ride my bike along the country roads of a . . . This happened to me about 12 years ago when I was 10 . Still to this day it creeps me out . Down the road from my house is a petrol station . I . . . Hello , Alone at Night Scary Stories fans . Big news . You can read more about Alone at Night 's Patreon account here . Alone at Night h . . . Hello , Alone at Night fans . We 're still waiting for our first Patreon contributor . Will it be you ? If you enjoy the content that Alon . . . |
Today is my mom 's birthday . I don 't know what to really say about her except she has had to go above and beyond the call of duty of an ordinary woman raising a family . It was a situation forced upon her and a situation which she accepted and worked on . She had four children when my father came as close to death as one could possibly get . He suffered from an aneurism in his brain which left him with a long rehab period to get back to where he could function in the world . He had terrible headaches from the incident and it came to mom to take the reigns of the family and be sure we got through life okay . She took me to speech lessons when no one could understand a word I said . More time and money taken from her already busy schedule and small budget . It was probably the best gift she could ever give me . I talk very clearly now and even though people don 't understand what I am saying they can understand the words coming out of my mouth . She did a good , no a great job of it . Dad had gone back to work and while it was difficult for him , he was doing his part of raising the family as best as he could . Dad did his very best , there is no doubt about that and I am oh so proud of my dad . However there was a lot left to be done that dad was not able to handle completely . Mom had to step up and pick up the slack . Mom and dad believed that a mother should stay at home and raise their kids and so she did . For many years she stayed at home raising the four of us plus taking in other children to babysit in order to make some extra money . It was hard work but she did what she had to . I think she really always wanted to work outside the house . She is very intelligent and has a good head for figures . Raising kids was more important though and so that was the path she took . Everyday when I got home from school , mom was there . She was there when I was terrified to on my first day of kindergarten . It wasn 't easy raising four kids , especially the four of us . We were all different with different needs and I believe she did her best to meet those needs . She had to make decisions concerning the finances and budget of the family and to make sure we never wanted . She taught us to be honest in all our dealings . Not to lie and not to cheat . She taught us to show respect for our elders and really to show respect for everyone . Christmas must have been especially difficult . I know she wanted to give us everything we wanted but had to budget and make Christmas as good as it could be for us . It was the same situation year round . Making the money stretch , taking care of dad , raising four kids . That is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility to put on ones self . In her mind it was the right thing to do and I agree with her . I feel really lucky to have had my mom there whenever I needed something . I knew where she would be while friends of mind came home to empty houses . As time went on the situation began to get better . Dad began to slowly heal over a thirty year span . Eventually mom went to work . She got work as a tax preparer in a private firm . She proved herself and quickly rose in the ranks at the firm . She would eventually retire from that firm even though I don 't think she was really ready to retire . This has been a pretty rosy picture , right ? Well mom is human as we all are . She has made some small mistakes over the years but very small ones . I have not always agreed with her on things and I got into plenty of trouble growing up . That is all on me though . I believe that my mom did her absolute best and did what she truly believed was the right thing to do . The things she thought were the right thing to do turned out to be the right things to do looking back on things . I feel extremely lucky to still have both my parents as long as I have . Our family has more or less stuck together . That wouldn 't have been possible without mom . Mom kept the family running , kept us going through some extremely difficult times . She held the family together because she worked hard at it . It wasn 't an easy task for her . I think I speak for my brother and sisters when I say we realize that ist was difficult and we are thankful she worked so very hard to accomplish what she did . She smiled a lot when it wasn 't easy to smile . If ever there was a reason to get the saying " just a housewife " out of the English language , it is my mom . She was never " just a housewife " . I can not look at her and see those words match up together . She is so much more than that . She continues to take good care of dad and she continues to worry about her kids and grandkids and even great grandkids . She is the matriarch of our family . She deserves respect for all that she has done over the years . Somehow this piece just doesn 't feel like it does justice to her . It is the best I can do right now though . All I can say is " You did a good job mom . Thank you for all the sacrifices and the lessons you taught as I was growing up . " The table was made out of dark wood and looked heavy . It had massive legs that held it up off of the floor . It was the center piece of Grandma Hill 's dining room . It seemed that everything that went on in that house centered around the dining room table . It was where Grandpa held court when there was trouble between his children in the early years . It was where report cards from school were discussed . The table was where thousands of checker games were played and hundreds of Monopoly games were played . Strange card games with titles as " Rook " and " Pit " were carried out on this table . Grandpa did his writing on this this table . He would write poems and letters to the local newspaper there . The surface of the table never seemed to wear out over the years even with all of this activity going on upon it . The accessories in the dining room for the table included a china cabinet and a buffet , Grandma 's bell collection around the plate rail and my uncle 's violin hanging on the wall . One whole side of the dining room were windows that looked out on the flower garden . A window seat went the length of the wall sitting just below the windows . It was a beautiful room . Grandma had entered a competition one time with Better Homes and Garden in which she described the table and the room and the importance it had held over the years for the family . I went over and took pictures of the dining room for her to send in with her article . she didn 't win , but in my mind she captured the importance of the table and what surrounded it wonderfully . This room was indeed the central control room of the house . It was where anything important occurred . It was at the holiday season when the table really showed it 's importance . Grandma would fix big Easter dinners that would be consumed at the table as well as even bigger Christmas dinners . Both of these events made my Grandmother 's talent at cooking and setting a table shine . But the most important day of the year for the table was Thanksgiving . There were not any other trappings during the Thanksgiving holiday except for Thanksgiving itself . There were no Easter egg hunts or Christmas tales of what we all got for Christmas to take away from what the table 's role was . At Thanksgiving it was all about the table . Grandma would spend all day cooking getting things ready . The best plates would be pulled out and set upon the great table . Standard dishes would be made that we could not get anywhere else . Her homemade cranberry sauce along with her creamed potatoes and a small dish of oysters . She enjoyed cooking and cooking for the Thanksgiving meal just brought that much more joy in her heart . The Hill family took Thanksgiving very seriously . The family would gather that night and food filled every inch of the table . Grandpa always sat at the head of the table . As the family grew , smaller tables would be set as accessories to the main table in the living room . The important thing was that the family was together ans together for one purpose . That purpose was to be thankful . Lest we forget what the purpose of that day was , my Grandpa would send up a prayer before dinner that reiterated what that day was about . Thankfulness for the entire family each and every member whether they were able to be there or not . He would thank God for our good fortune at having each other . He would be thankful for all that we were provided . The food , our shelter and the ability to help others . He would be thankful that God had looked down on this family and protected us and provided us with what we needed , not what we wanted . Televisions were seldom turned on at Thanksgiving . Instead the entertainment may be a board game or card game or just spending time talking with those you loved . Talk of what had happened over the past year and summarizing the events were often the topic of a lot of talks . Politics was probably the hottest topic of all every Thanksgiving . I can remember sitting on the window seat while my uncles and grandpa discussed , read argued here , the politics of the day . I sat and quietly listened and received my first lessons in history and in political thought . It was tradition for Grandma to leave a few things out on the table after dinner was over . Turkey was always left out for a while as well as bread and other foods that could be eaten with fingers . This was important because while all this talking made people hungry . The uncles were the worst culprits . They would pick at food during their " discussions " on politics The thinking and making a point would bring up their appetite . The worst of these was my Uncle Melvin . After dinner he would hover around the table talking and listening to his brothers and his father picking at food the whole time . I think he must have eaten a whole second meal and a part of a third before the evening came to a close . As I sat at my mother 's table yesterday for a small Thanksgiving meal I could see parallels to past Thanksgivings at Grandma and Grandpa 's It was a much smaller scale and there were no discussions involving politics and the food was picked up and put away . There was not any lingering and picking of the food after the meal was done . It was just over . Over the years , the Thanksgiving holiday has lessened in it 's meaning . I tried to watch the Macy 's parade Thanksgiving morning and saw very little of it . The televised parade has become a long commercial for the networks shows and Broadway shows . Very little of the parade itself was actually shown on the television . I turned it off halfway through it . The commercialization of Christmas has over shadowed and over taken the Thanksgiving meaning . Thanksgiving has become lost since the stores and people in general have started the Christmas season the day after Halloween . It is all about money and there is no money to be made on Thanksgiving . It is a shame really . When I look back on Thanksgivings in the past and the meaning that Thanksgiving meant and the way we were taught to truly be thankful for all that this country has given us , all that God has blessed us with . All of this seems to have faded into the background . We have one day now to show our thankfulness and to think of what we are thankful for . There is no way you can think of all that you have been blessed with in one day . Those weeks between Halloween and Thanksgiving are just as important as thanksgiving Day itself . It should be used as a time to reflect and prepare to truly give thanks and be thankful for our blessings . I was pleased to see a lot of my Facebook friends give a reason for being thankful every day since Halloween . It was a good exercise for all of them as well as me . We have so much to be thankful for in this country even with the hardships that we face right now as a nation . This country is still that city on the hill and each and every one of us are blessed to be able to live here . Over the past year I can point to many things that I am grateful for . connections remade with family members . Still having my job even though the company went through some very difficult times . My wife and son who watch out for me . I have had food and shelter and have been able to give help to others when it is needed . I was able to make three trips down south this year . One for a funeral , one for a wedding and one because my sister needed someone to be there in a rough time for her . I am thankful that I was able to make those trips because each of them were important . I am thankful that I have those memories of Thanksgivings past and being able to be truly thankful . I am thankful I can still have memories of those that are gone who influenced my life so greatly . Memories of both my Grandmothers , of my Grandpa , of Uncles Duane , Dan and Bill , Buster and Melvin and Aunts Jane and June among others . Every night I would come home and come face to face with one of the chores I dread doing around the house . I would walk up towards the house and take a quick glance up at the gutter over the garage door . There I would see leaves spilling out over the top . The gutters were full and would need to be cleaned out before the next rain came . I put it off as long as I could keeping an eye on the weather forecast every morning before I left for work . Then one morning I heard the words coming from the television that i did not want to hear . It would be warm on Friday and Saturday with high winds . Sunday would turn cold and moving in on Sunday night would be rain that would stick around for a few days . I knew deep in the pit of my stomach that the time had come to take care of the gutters . I called Brett that afternoon and asked him if he was working Saturday . I also had a back yard of leaves up to my ankles that needed mulching . I knew that my hands would be limited in using the leaf blower on the gutters and then trying t run the lawn mower all in one day . Ever since my wrist were victimized by carpel tunnel syndrome too much vibration on the wrist would make my hands useless . So I asked Brett to come over and hold the ladder for me while I climbed up on the roof and got the gutters cleaned and then he would run the mower over the leaves and mulch them up . He said that it was no problem and he would be there at nine on Saturday morning . Saturday morning greeted me at nine - thirty . Brett wasn 't there yet but that was not a big surprise . I had told him any time would be okay as long as we got it done before the Mizzou game started . I decided to face my demons and go ahead and get the gutters done while I was waiting for him . Now , if you have been reading this blog for awhile you know that I am terrified of heights . The thing is that Brett isn 't too wild about high places either so I had made the decision that since it was my house , I would do the high chores while he stayed grounded . It seemed like the best thing to do since he was willing to help out . I got dressed and put on my jacket and went to the garage . I pulled my extension ladder out and took it to the back of the house . I always climb on the roof from the back of the house because I look really silly getting up the ladder and stepping onto the roof because of my fear . I look even sillier trying to get from the roof back onto the ladder to climb down . I did not need the extra pressure of having Jim , my neighbor across the street , see me struggle to get up on the roof . Jim is a very nice man and we have become pretty good friends over the years . Jim is about fifteen years older than I am and when we were both younger he was always busying himself around his house keeping it up . I would see him fearlessly on his roof leaning over to paint spots here and there during the summer and of course gutter cleaning presented no problem to him at all . I always had the feeling that he knew I was trying to keep my house up but he did it so much better than I did . I tried to keep up with him on the house work but never quite could until two summers ago . The water company was replacing sewer lines and had dug up Jim 's front yard . For the first time in thirty years my yard finally looked better than his and I did not hesitate to walk over and tell him about it . In the back of my head , Jim owed me one because of that . After getting the ladder set up against the side of the house I went and got the leaf blower . I have made it a habit to start the leaf blower and get it running while on the ground . Using this method I would not be trying to start it cold from the roof where I envisioned myself pulling on the start rope so hard as to throw myself from the roof . I would get it warmed up , turn it off and then climb up the ladder . Once on the roof I would start the leaf blower rather easily because it had already been warmed up . And so I began the ritual . After starting the leaf blower and turning it back off I began to climb the ladder with the leaf blower in one hand and my shaking left hand holding onto the ladder . My knees would shake with every step I took closer to the roof . I finally arrived at the roof and after setting the leaf blower on it , pulled myself over the ladder onto the roof . After getting on the roof I sat and took a couple of deep breaths looking around me to get use to the height . Then came the moment . The most deadly moment . I got on my knees and pulled the rope on the leaf blower . It started right on up much to my relief . I slowly stood up and began walking down the edge of the roof blowing the leaves out of the gutter . I stayed as far from the edge as the leaf blower would let me . The weatherman had been right . It was windy up there and that only made slightly more terrifying to walked along the edge . After getting the back gutters done and having established my legs as being steady , I climbed over the peak of the house to the front gutters . I saw Jim 's garage door open and knew that he was in there watching me . He always stayed in the shadows of his garage watching me as I worked . One time I was out trimming with the the lawn trimmer when it had stopped . I tried and tried to get it started again . Suddenly Jim appeared from his garage and asked me if I had gas in it . I had looked at the gas tank to see it was empty . Jim had just smiled and faded back into his garage . This is the kind of thing I did not want to happen while I was on the roof . I eventually finished the front gutters and , pleased with myself , climbed over the peak of the house to head back to the ladder and get myself down off the roof . As I crested the peak my eyes landed where the ladder should be . It was not there . Apparently the wind had taken it down and while I did not go to the edge of the roof to check on the ladder , I pretty much had a good idea of where it was . I had been up there about half an hour blowing leaves and now I couldn 't get down . Brett had not arrived yet . I called out to Barb a few times but received no answer . The doors and windows were shut to keep the stiff cool wind out of the house . I stood up and looked around . I began to try to figure things out . I looked over the top of the house and saw Jim 's garage door open . I thought about it for a bit . I imagined yelling over to Jim 's but couldn 't bear the thought of the old man coming over to rescue me once again . No , Jim was not the answer . I sat on the roof and pondered my options . I could try to jump from the roof and hope for the best that I wouldn 't break an ankle or a foot . The more I thought of that option the more I realized that it wasn 't really an option . I sat and continued to think . After about ten minutes of sitting up there the girl next door cam out and played fetch with her dog . She had not looked up in the sky and I was being fairly quiet and so she did not realize I was up there . I watched her play with her dog and was just about to get the courage up to ask her for help when she went back inside . It was for the best I suppose because if I had called to her , Jim would have heard and would have seen her walk over to my house to save me . I took a deep breath and decided to sit it out hoping Brett would show up soon . Finally after sitting on the roof about half an hour I saw his bald shaven head come walking around the corner of the house into the back yard . My boy had arrived . I watched him as he looked around the back yard and call out for me . I slapped my leg and he looked up . Then he looked at the ladder on the ground followed by looking up at me again . He walked over to the ladder without say a word and soon I found myself handing him the leaf blower as he reached the roof on the ladder . I did my silly move to get back on the ladder and began my descent . It was not long before I found myself back on solid ground . It was time to go to the grocery store . Barb said she would come with me since it was Thanksgiving shopping and there were a lot of items that I usually do not get . While we were gone Brett mulched the leaves in both the front and back yard . When I came home from the store I looked up at my nemesis once again . No leaves spilling out over the top . The gutters were clean before the rains and the the cold weather arrived . The yard looked good with most of the leaves now gone and Brett and I sat in the warmth of the house to Watch Mizzou win another football game and become bowl eligible . It is a good feeling to know that the chore of the leaves are done for another year . Next year I will make sure that I have the ladder set up so that the wind does not blow it over again . That is how life is . No matter how old you get or how many times you do something , there is always something new to learn as you progress through life . This year I learned that the wind can leave me stranded and alone with my thoughts on top of the house . I was listening to some of my music this afternoon and came across some truly wonderful beautiful songs . I began trying to think what songs I consider the most beautiful songs that effect me . The rules I set for myself were simple . The melody had to be one that catches in your mind and keeps coming back over and over . The melody also had to carry the meaning of the song working hand in hand with the lyrics . The lyrics had to be meaningful and have a purpose . Sappy lyrics are not permitted . The words have to convey the emotion that the writer is trying to get across . It has to let the listener know what the message is without being cryptic . The song has had to stand the test of time . It has to communicate from generation to generation . / this is the most difficult part of the test for a song to past . There are different ways a song can accomplish this . The original recording can be unsurpassed and be the best recording possible and able to touch the hearts of generations to come . Another way is for each generation to have a new recording of the song that easily speaks to the generation it is recorded for . There are a few song writers that immediately jump out as being great song writers with several songs worthy of making the cut . Paul Simon , Carol King and Hank Williams Sr fit into this category . After giving it much thought here are a few songs that I think meet the criteria I expect there to be many disagreements pertaining to my choices . That is the way it should be . Music is as individual as those that listen to it and appreciate it . This is my list as of today . If I had written this yesterday or tomorrow , the list might be completely different . It 's music . The way you look at music a lot of times depends on your mood or where you are in life . Number ten finds us with Otis Redding 's " Sitting on the Dock of the Bay . " The story of a man lost in the world and not able to find himself . After searching everywhere he finds himself in San Francisco with the realization that he has no life and the thought process leading up to suicide . Number nine I see a song that has been covered too many times to count . Each time it is recorded it sounds new but still brings about the emotion of lost love . " Faded Love " is this song . Number six is Willie Nelson 's masterpiece " Crazy " . While I prefer Patsy Cline 's recording , I have yet to hear a bad recording of this song . Now we get down to the REALLY good songs and the most difficult to choose . Number five is George Harrison 's " Something " . Easily a contender as one of the Beatles best recordings . John and Paul never seemed to get in touch with their emotions as deeply as George did on this song . Number four is Roy Orbison 's " Crying " . Not enough can be said about this song . The melody follows the lyrics Orbison 's voice puts the finishing touch on it . Number three brings Carol King to us with " You 've Got A Friend " . The same year she recorded this wonderful song , James Taylor recorded it . It is his version that is better known but this is a song for the ages . Number two slot is filled with Paul Simon 's signature song " Bridge Over Troubled Water " . Art Garfunkels voice on the original recording is filled with passion . you can not listen to this song without memories of someone in your past that faced tough times or a time when you were facing tough times and someone was there for you . Number one was probably the easiest choice for me to make . I knew it would be my number one when I first started thinking about this list . " I 'm so lonesome I Could Cry " by Hank Sr . can be recorded by almost anyone and when you sing it , you can 't help but feel the loneliness and heart break of someone who feels totally alone and isolate from the world . In my opinion it is the most beautiful pop song ever written . Eddie Harper found himself in his mid fifties and alone . People said he was an alcoholic and maybe they were right . Looking back over things he could see how his drinking had cost him his wife and family and a good job many years ago . He found himself working at Miller 's Tool and Die , a small machine shop that was in the bad part of town . He had been hired as the night security guard to protect the business from vandals and graffiti artists . It was a huge drop from his accounting job that he had held some fifteen years before . He found that the booze had made him a loser in the eyes of women and so now he was alone . He lived in a small boarding house in a little one room with a shared toilet . It wasn 't exactly the way he had envisioned his life playing out . Now he was alone and lonely and only imagined striking up conversations with women that he would see at the diner where he ate his meals or the bar that he went to when he got off work . The bar he went to opened at ten in the morning . Technically it was a bar and grill set up and stayed open until three in the morning . A few days ago after a morning of drinking at the bar then going home drunk , he had slept past the time he was to be at work . The boss had given him a warning that his job could be in danger if he was late many more times because of drinking . He had decided to go on the wagon once again and for what seemed to be the hundredth time , try to clean his act up . He had stayed away from the bar for about a week having breakfast after work a the diner and avoiding the bar all together . Then last week he was at the diner and saw one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen . In his mind he imagined striking up a conversation with her that ended with her going back to his room to spend the day . It was a wonderful fantasy that almost seemed too real . As the woman finished her meal and left he realized that he would spend the rest of his life alone . He no longer had the courage to even say hi to anyone like that . What the hell he decided . Not drinking was making things worse then better and so on this morning he found himself back at the bar and grill , depressed about his life and drinking gin at ten in the morning . As he came into the barroom the waitress got him a glass of gin out of habit . She had noticed that Eddie hadn 't been there for awhile and asked him where had been . Eddie ignored her questioning , too busy wallowing in his own self pity of the realization of being alone as a way of life for him until he would die . The waitress told him that if he didn 't want to talk , that was fine with her , but she was there to listen if he felt like talking . Eddie sat there quietly and the fantasy from the diner reentered his mind . The beautiful woman and how he had fantasized about taking her home . He took a drink and then decided to tell the waitress about the fantasy . As he began to talk the waitress came over and leaned on the bar listening to his story . As she listened she could almost feel the pain in his voice . He told her about approaching the woman and talking to her and how she had asked him to take her home with him and spend some time with him . He talked with such passion that the waitress believed that he was relating a real part of his life , not realizing it was all a fantasy . As Eddie finished the story with the woman slipping out on him while he was gone to get her something to eat . In his fantasy she had left him a note and he knew he would never see this lovely woman again . As he finished , she refilled his glass with gin and he began sipping on it . After he had taken a couple of drinks from the glass he looked up at the waitress and noticed that she had a tear in her eye . She began telling him that she knew how he felt . She was lonely too . She was not the kind of woman that men easily approached with conversation . She felt like it was because she was a little overweight and not that good looking . She expressed to him that people like them were not meant to be alone , it was something that life had just laid on them . The waitress sadly said that it was too bad that people like themselves were meant to be so alone that they probably wouldn 't even find another like themselves . Another lonely soul that just wanted to be loved and have someone to spend time with . She sometimes wished that she would have someone who would meet her when she got off work and go home with her to take away the loneliness . Eddie listened to her as she expressed her frustration with life and relationships . He began to formulate an idea . The more he thought about it the more it seemed like this was something that could happen and it brought a small smile to his face . He finished his drink and looked into her eyes . He took her hand and stare at her trying to get his courage up . Finally he asked her what time she would be off work . She told him that she worked until five that evening . He finally took a deep breath and looked down at the bar and in a soft shaky voice he told her , " I ain 't got no place to go . If you want , I can pick you up after work tonight . Where I am at now , any place is a better place to be . " As the waitress watched Eddie leave the bar she smiled and her whole day changed . She understood exactly what he was saying . When you got no place to go , any place is indeed a better place to be . One night we are sitting relaxing watching our favorite television shows . The commercials during these shows are full of scenes of happy little kids dressed in costumes trick or treating . The next day the commercials suddenly are playing Christmas carols at us with suggestions on what the people on our individual Christmas lists really want for Christmas . The stores go from a black and orange motif with bite size candy bars filling the shelves to aisles filled with Christmas trees and eggnog filling the milk areas . It has been this way for a while now , I know . There is still something inside of me that really gets irritated at the moving up of the Christmas season though . When I was growing up after Halloween was finished , we went back to school and began learning about Thanksgiving . Art classes were spent making turkeys using the outline of our hands . We spent the next four weeks looking forward to a family get together that would remind us how lucky and thankful we are to be related to these people . When you think about it , we probably do need a time or two to remind us why we are so thankful to have siblings that you fight with the rest of the yesr . When thanksgiving finally arrived and was over with , they turned on the Plaza Lights in Kansas City . Kids knew that it was now time to start logging your days of being good . All you had to really do was be good for one month and that would pay off with the coming of Christmas morning . Kids did not begin to get excited about Christmas until after the Thanksgiving meal . Times have changed though . While we only had to wait for Christmas four weeks , little ones today will be waiting for Christmas to arrive a full eight weeks away . We only had to be good for four weeks . Today 's children are under the immense pressure to be good for eight weeks . That , my friend , is a lot of pressure for a six year old to carry on his shoulders . Lewis Black has described the modern timetable as Thanksgiving being Christmas Half time . He is right . That is exactly what Thanksgiving has become . By the time you get around to being thankful for all of your blessings and your brothers and sisters you have already spent four weeks preparing for Christmas . Maybe it is a good thing to down play Thanksgiving a little . I have given it a little thought and perhaps we can now use Thanksgiving as a practice time for getting along with all these people that you spend the rest of the year wondering how you became your sister could possibly be related to you . We spend Thanks giving by getting everyone together . We sit around a big table and eat a meal together without any bickering ( because that would not be classified as " being good " ) . We practice spending the whole day with them , smiling and making jokes until the day is done and we go back to our respective corners and figure out how well we did so that we can do even better on Christmas morning . To me that is what Thanksgiving has become . A rehearsal for Christmas . Of course there is more to contend with at Christmas . You have to give gifts and hope that you get your loved ones something that they will be happy with . You have to pretend to be overjoyed by the gifts that your loved ones give you while at the same time they are performing the same act about the gifts that you gave them . Thanksgiving use to be a special day . I don 't think that it is anymore . We spend all the days leading up to Thanksgiving worrying about Christmas . Isn 't there enough pressure dealing with Christmas when we only had to deal with it four weeks instead of the current eight ? I know it is all about money . Just as in sports when you use to have to end up in first place to go to the World Series , now you can end up in second or third place and still have a shot at the world championship ( read St Louis Cardinals here ) . The NCAA Basketball Tournament use to only invite sixteen teams and it was played over the course of a long weekend . They worked that up to thirty two teams and then sixty four teams to get more games played and to stretch it out over a month to garner more money . Since then they have added a sixty - fifth team . Every game brings in money . Every year it seems that Christmas moves further from a Religious tradition into just a another tradition . A big tradition to be sure , but still just another tradition . I know that Christmas does not cover all the religions , it is mainly a Christian one . But hey , we were willing to share it with all the other religions . I see it as an opportunity for store owners that may not be Christian to be able to cash in on the deal . I have no problem with that . I just wish that there were someway to trim Christmas back to four weeks . Wait until after Thanksgiving before the onslaught of commercials that pressure us every year . Put some meaning back into Thanksgiving . I know that we have learned that the first Thanksgiving was probably not as nice and neat of a package as we were originally sold on but then again , government offices still close on Columbus day , and we know he wasn 't a Saint . That is all I want . I want things to slow down just a bit . Take the time we have in November to make Thanksgiving truly a time to spot and think about how blessed we all are . Leave December for The birth of Christ , Santa and all the commercial trappings that come riding into our lives on the coat tails of Religion . Personally ? I would be satisfied with just celebrating New Years as a holiday . Get all the Major football bowl games back to that one day and spend the day resting up before starting another year of ordinary daily stress that we deal with all year long instead of recovering from the stress that we just put ourselves through over the previous eight weeks . |
This is the seventh chapter of ' Bear Hunter ' . A new chapter will come out every week . Any comments or questions can be directed to the author at nothlit ( at ) hotmail ( dot ) com I followed Matt into the woods , breathing in the fresh , cool air of late morning . It smelled like pine needles , and wet earth . As we started walking among the trees that bordered the coast , I looked back once to see Matt 's house standing at the edge of the tiny strip of land , surrounded by the sea on three sides . This entire area was almost postcard - perfect . The quiet , cool woods we went into were no exception . Tall , thick conifers grew everywhere , blocking out the sunlight in many spots with their thick , green branches . The ground underneath our boots was soft with a thick carpet of fallen pine needles that the rain had gathered and compacted into an even cover that muffled our steps pretty well . Not many small plants grew among the shadow of the tall pines , and I was able to see quite far in any direction as long as there weren 't many tree trunks in the way . Overhead , some birds sang and I heard a couple of seagulls off to the south . The sky had cleared up and was now a bright shade of blue , with no indication of further rain that I could see . However , the cold wind that picked up at regular intervals had the smell of rain in it . I just hoped that if it did rain , it wouldn 't catch us out the open . Matt went ahead as we threaded our way through the evergreen forest . He seemed to know his way around pretty well , since he walked without hesitation in a particular direction that I guessed was straight north . Even though he was walking quickly , he would stop at regular intervals to check on the mushy ground , or touch a particular tree trunk . He was very quiet and he didn 't speak , so I didn 't make any conversation and instead tried to guess what the hell he was looking for . I didn 't see any signs that the bear had come this way , but Matt could obviously see something , since he would change direction every now and then according to what he spotted . I tried to spot some bear tracks or at least a scratched tree trunk that bore claw marks , but I didn 't see anything of the sort . The heavy rain had washed away most of what would be considered tracks , and my respect for Matt grew when I saw that he was a really good tracker . He was sure of himself , moving stealthily through the woods . A good hunter . " He was here , " Matt told me . " But he didn 't follow on up to the hills where his summer lair is . Something must 've made him change direction . I just can 't tell where he went . " " Because of the rain , I am mostly looking for things that would tell me whether a large mammal has passed by recently . There are no tracks , obviously , but once or twice I 've been able to spot some small indentations on the ground where something heavy stepped passed by . I also have a pretty good idea of the routes Ben takes in the summer , and even though it 's late autumn I can guess where he was going from just a couple of signs . This time of year , most bears are looking for berries , honey if they can find it , and anything they can steal out of a dumpster . They have to eat practically all day so they can store energy reserves for the winter . " Matt walked around in a wide circle for a while , looking . Eventually he found something he liked , apparently , because he started heading west with a decisive step . I shifted the heavy backpack on my shoulders so it wouldn 't dig into the side of my neck like it had been doing and I followed him . We were deep in the woods now , and I was totally and thoroughly lost . Without Matt , I wasn 't sure I would be able to find my way back to the house . I had the general idea that I had to head south to get there , but we had taken many little turns along the way that had confused me as to where exactly the house lay . Not that I minded ; I liked being out in the wild . I 've never really liked big crowds . I guess that was part of the reason why I chose to come to a tiny little town in Alaska rather than head on to a big city when I was running away from the people that had killed my grandfather . After all , the town I 'd grown up in had been small . Everybody knew everybody else . Up here , it was pretty much the same thing , except you had all this raw wilderness right at your front door , begging to be explored . Matt and I followed whatever trail it was he had found , walking through the forest with the rifles slung around our backs . Matt had loaded his , and I had done so too , just in case . I didn 't want a big , mean black bear thumping through the woods at the last possible second and getting the jump on me . I was a big guy , but a bear was another league entirely . If I ever had to fight one without the element of surprise , the fight would be over pretty soon . Matt nodded , and slowed down so he would be walking by my side . " That 's true in some cases , but we will see the bear long before we hear it . I wouldn 't worry about a surprise attack if I were you . Bears are really shy for the most part , and they will only attack if you corner them or they if feel threatened in some way . They are pretty elusive , though , which is part of the reason why tracking them or hunting them is such a pain . " " Yeah . Most of the hunters back in town are too lazy to actually get in here and track a bear the proper way . What they 'll do is bait a predetermined location ; sometimes a hollow tree trunk , sometimes an empty barrel , or even a broken - down garbage disposal bin . Most things will do nicely to attract bears , but if you really want a bear to find your bait fast , then you use slightly rotten meat . Bears have a really good sense of smell . That 's why you can 't approach them when you are downwind from them . You got to keep the wind on your face at all times so you can properly sneak up on them . When you bait a location , the easiest thing to do is select a hidden spot that is protected from the wind and where you are sure to have a clear shot at the bear when he comes to investigate . Then all you need is patience . Most bears are curious by nature , so they will go up to the date even if it smells of you slightly . After that , you just take your shot and kill it . " " You 're right ; it isn 't . My father used to hate baiters . He used to say it was unfair and downright stupid . If it had been up to him , nobody would have ever killed a single bear for sport around here . I agreed with him in that baiting to hunt was lame , but that was it . I enjoy hunting ; I like the challenge , and the rush of adrenaline you get . Only when I hunt , I track my prey the old - fashioned way . Just like my grandfather taught me . " Matt chuckled . " Ever seen a bear skull ? It 's really thick . A good rifle will kill a bear if you manage to get a headshot , but it 's a pretty small target and bears are always moving . If you try to go for the head , you risk missing and alerting the bear of your position . After that , it 's a matter of whether you can reload and aim fast enough before the bear finds you and tears you to pieces with his claws . So no , I don 't shoot for the head . " " You aim for the lungs , and the heart . The best shot to take is right when the bear is broadside to you , not knowing you 're there . If you manage to get both lungs in single shot , the bear will suffocate and die pretty quickly . If you get the heart , then the kill is instantaneous . Best way to get a high - quality pelt , with minimum chances of dying horribly . " I looked and , sure enough , there was a small stream flowing through the woods just ahead . The sunlight broke through the tree cover around the stream , allowing for bright sunlight to hit the forest floor . I didn 't see any animals around the water , but I did hear many birds . No sign of a bear , though . " Yeah . Ben has a small cave he sometimes likes to visit near the edge of his territory , close to the coast . It 's at the foot of a small hill about a mile away from the abandoned lighthouse . We should head in that direction . We 'll probably find him before nightfall . " " Yes ; there 's this place that used to have a lighthouse back in the fifties . You can see it from my house , actually . It 's been abandoned ever since they built the new lighthouse further down south , but most of the building still stands . When I was a teen , I used to go there with some friends from time to time . Best place to get blind drunk and / or high . Nobody ever knew we were there , not even my dad . It 's not too far from the house , actually . About an hour 's walk away . Faster if you go by sea . " We crossed the stream soon after , and I had to take off my shoes so they wouldn 't get wet and then waded through the icy cold water of the stream . On the other side , I put them back on again . As I was doing so , my stomach rumbled . Matt nodded , and sat down next to me . " You 're right . Let 's get something to eat . What 's in the backpack ? " I opened a can of beans and began eating . Living as I had for the last three months , on the run , eating right from a can had become second nature to me . " Maybe we can pick some berries from the forest , " I suggested . " There 's got to be some around here , maybe in the bushes . " He laughed , and I had to smile . This little trip into the woods was fun ; I had to admit it . I couldn 't remember the last time I 'd just hung out with a buddy like this . It felt good , somehow . Like it was something I had been missing , only I hadn 't really known I had . When we were done eating , I stuck the empty cans in a bag and stuffed them back into the backpack . I realized I hadn 't thought of bringing anything to drink , but then I saw Matt was drinking right from the stream . I blinked . Back where it came from , if you drank right from the stream you would end up in the hospital . I did , nearly where the stream and cupping my hands to get some water . I then brought it to my face , and drank . It was cool , and refreshing . It tasted a little weird , but not bad . I drank my fill , wiping my beard with the back of my hand . We continued walking through the forest , and Matt was just careful as before as he analyzed every little detail that could tell him where the bear had gone . He already knew where his cave was , and we were heading in that general direction , but the fact was that the bear was very likely to have gone somewhere else entirely , and so he needed to be on the lookout . I spent the time following Matt a couple steps behind him , and looking around in case I saw a bear . Once I spotted something that might have been a porcupine , and one time I scared a rabbit out of its den . No bear , though . We walked around in careful , wide circles for hours and still nothing . It was late afternoon when we finally got to the area where the bear 's cave was . There , Matt stopped , pointing to the barely - visible mouth of the cave that lay maybe 300 feet away . Matt led the way down to the cave , which was partially hidden by a fallen tree trunk that was overgrown with moss . He edged carefully around the trunk , heading for the mouth of the cave . He was perfectly quiet as he moved , and I did my best to imitate him . I could have sworn the cave was empty ; the mouth was pitch black , and nothing stirred within it . Still , I was careful . If something jumped out of there , I needed to be ready to shoot . Matt looked back briefly , and then went inside the cave . I opened my mouth to stop him - even I knew enough about bears to know that you never , ever wanted to surprise one cornered in his own cave . However , Matt went in just the same . I wanted to follow him , but I stayed behind just in case . I didn 't hear any growls , or any shots , so I assumed the cave was empty . For now . Sure enough , just a couple minutes later , Matt came out , shaking his head . " Nothing . Ben must have taken some other way through the woods . We 're probably going to have to double back , try and find his trail again . " " No way . We are too far away , and besides , Ben 's territory is pretty big . He might be twenty miles away from here by now . We 'll just make camp somewhere around here and resume in the morning . Just not near this cave , though . Some other animals might come sniffing around in the night . There aren 't many dangerous animals in these woods , but I don 't want to take any chances . A couple months ago I heard that there was a stray pack of wolves sighted not far from here , further north . Come on . There 's a good spot not far from the lighthouse . We can get there before nightfall . " " Yeah , " I said , as Matt dumped the heavy pack on the ground and began to take out the parts of a small camping tent . " I went with the Boy Scouts . My grandfather wasn 't big on camping . He used to tell me if I wanted to go camping , I could just take a blanket and sleep out in the fields of the farm . He wasn 't much of a nature - loving kind of guy , which was ironic given the fact that he was a farmer . Whenever he went out on a trip to the woods or whatever , it was to kill something , not to appreciate the beauty of nature . So yeah , I haven 't been out camping a long while . " For the next half an hour , I tried to set up the goddamned tent according to Matt 's instructions . It was harder than it looked , and at one point I bent one of the supporting poles by accident . Matt just directed me , and refused to actually set it up himself . He was getting a good laugh out of my camping - related ignorance , and I must admit it was kind of fun . When I eventually got the small tent up properly , I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at it proudly . We had our meal , and by the time we were finished the sun had already gone down . Matt yawned , stretching . He went off into the woods , presumably to take a piss , and I put away the garbage while he came back . I was just done putting everything away when he came back . Matt reached for the small bag of marshmallows that I had found and took it . " I wonder how long those have been there . I don 't even remember buying them . I wonder if my dad . . . " I gathered some medium - sized rocks that were lying around the place , and arranged them in a small circle a few feet away from the tent . The rocks were blackened on one side , which indicated they had been used to contain a fire before . Next , I gathered lots of dry twigs and a few bigger branches that were not horribly wet from all the rain , and I piled them inside the circle of stones . I used my lighter to set fire to the whole thing , and before long I had a pretty decent bonfire going on . I picked a long , thin twig and skewered the marshmallows on it , one after the other . Then I handed the bag back to Matt , who took some for himself and did something similar . When the fire was big enough , I set the marshmallows over the flames , turning them slowly . " I guess my father did buy them , " Matt said eventually . " He liked these things a lot . When I was little , we would always take at least two bags with us whenever we went camping . " " I guess , " Matt said , his eyes on the fire , but his look far away . " Before my mother passed away , my father had used to be a pretty cool guy . He used to love to tell me scary stories when we were out in the woods together . I always ended up getting really scared , at least when I was still a kid , but I loved those late - night story sessions . He was really creative , too ; I 'm sure some of those stories he made up himself . I mean , if even half the things he told were true , these words would be crawling with ghosts and zombies and strange , half - dead creatures . " Matt tried to put out his marshmallows as I roared with laughter . My own marshmallows were crisp on the outside already , and I took them out of the fire , taking a few small bites to test their temperature . I took a huge bite out of the first one when Matt finally got his charred marshmallows to stop smoldering and began to tell his story . " Okay , this is supposed to have really happened about a hundred years ago or so , over by the lighthouse . There was this watchman who lived there , minding the lighthouse on his own . He spent most of the time up there alone , and he almost never went down to the town or anything . He had a niece that lived in town , who would bring him the supplies he needed from time to time on her boat . She was the only one who saw him regularly , and the only one he trusted . The people in town said the man was strange , always talking to himself whenever he was at a tavern or walking through the streets . He wasn 't dangerous , but he was weird enough that most of the people preferred not to talk to him . " One night , there was a huge storm . The wind was so strong that it took down a couple of trees , and blew the roof off several houses . Back then , the town had been built much further inland , so the waves didn 't reach any of the houses , but the watchman 's niece saw how bad it was from her window and worried about her uncle , all alone up by the lighthouse . As the night got darker and the wind howled even more , she thought she heard a loud , unexpected sound over the howl of the wind . She wanted to go out and see what it was , but she couldn 't leave her house at all that night . She had to wait until the next morning , when the storm had finally blown over . " When she was getting ready to sail out on her boat to go to the lighthouse and check on her uncle , several other people told her that they had also heard the loud noise in the night . Some people thought it might have been a ship crashing against the shore , and an old sailor practically swore that the sound they had all heard was the sound a thick wooden hull makes when crashing against rock . All of this was worrisome enough , but then the watchman 's niece noticed something even more disturbing : the lighthouse , the top of which was usually visible from the town , could not be seen . She left in a hurry , fearing the worst . The sea was still a little choppy , but she made it around the coast fine , until she got to the lighthouse . There , she had to stop . She had expected to see that , at most , the top of the lighthouse had been knocked down by the wind and the waves . She had not expected to see the complete scene of destruction that was spread before her eyes . " There were bits of wood and still - recognizable parts of a huge ship floating all around the small bay where the lighthouse stood . Seagulls were flying overhead in huge numbers , and some were landing on floating things that made the watchman 's niece cry out in revulsion when she saw what they were . Shocked , she led her boat to shore and hurried to the lighthouse , afraid for her uncle . When she got there , she saw the door was open . Inside , it was dark , and when she called , nobody answered . " She went all the way up , to the place where the huge lighthouse lantern usually stood , ready to be lit every night . She looked for her uncle everywhere , but she couldn 't find him . She even tried to go up to the last level of the lighthouse , but parts of it had crumbled and she couldn 't get past the narrow , winding staircase . " Scared , she hurried back out of the lighthouse , thinking that perhaps her uncle had been injured and had tried to get the town on foot . She planned to take her boat and looked around the coast for him , but when she got to the beach she saw her boat was not there . She also saw , with increasing horror , that the waters around the bay were clear , empty of debris . " She couldn 't believe it , but no matter how much she searched , she couldn 't find any sign of either her boat or the huge wreck that she had been sure she had seen when she had first arrived . The watchman 's niece realized , too , that unless she found her boat again she was stuck on the lighthouse until the next day . It was too late to try and reach the town by walking , and the nights were cold . She looked back at the empty lighthouse , and something made her shiver . " She spent the remainder of the day looking for her boat and her uncle , but she didn 't find either . At last , when the cold began to get uncomfortable and the light began to fade , she had to go into the lighthouse to take shelter . She found a small lantern , and she lit it , taking it to the room where the much bigger lantern should have been lit by her uncle by now . She didn 't know where he kept the fuel for it , though , and so all she could do was huddle in a sheltered corner of the lighthouse , with her small lantern by her side . She was hungry , and cold , and as the night fell it began to rain again . " She must have fallen asleep , because when she woke up the rain was falling outside , hard . As she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes , the watchman 's niece realized she was not alone . Her uncle was in the room with her , looking out to sea , standing by the huge lantern that was blazing with a big fire , shining its light out into the dark waters . The niece tried to talk to her uncle , but he ignored her . She stood up , timidly , and walked over to where he was . He was talking to himself as he usually did , but this time he was only repeating the same sentence over and over again . I should have warned them . I should have warned them . I should have warned them . " The girl tried to make her uncle react , but all he did was stand there , repeating that line over and over again . At last , scared that he wasn 't talking to her , the girl touched her uncle on the shoulder . The contact made him react , and he looked at her as if from far away . I know you , he said , almost to himself . I should have warned them . Now they will take me . Leave now , or they will take you too . " The girl told her uncle that everything was all right , and that he should walk away from the window and come over to where she was . Her uncle ignored her , and the storm outside raged with such force , and the wind blew so strongly , that a sudden great gust of cold wind knocked the small lantern out of her hands , and blew out the huge lantern in the middle of the room too . She was left in shadows , unable to see anything . All she heard was her uncle 's voice , repeating the same line over and over again . And then , faintly at first , but getting louder all the time , she heard another voice , answering him . It was a voice that sounded like a chorus of voices . You should have warned us , the voice said . You should have lit the lantern . Now you will come with us . And the girl , too . " The girl , terrified , tried to go to where her uncle was , stumbling in the dark , but she hadn 't taken more than three steps when two pairs of cold , strong hands seized her by the arms . They dragged her away , into the cold , raging storm , and her cries were silenced only when she was dragged beneath the waves , to join those who had died when their ship that crashed on those treacherous rocks . " And they say that , sometimes , when the wind is blowing hard through the ruins of that lighthouse , you can still hear her screaming , calling for help . " Matt grinned , the light of the fire playing on his handsome features . " My father told me that story a thousand times . I know it by heart , right down to the inflections he used in each part . When I was younger , I used to beg him to tell me that story , and I always ended up terrified afterwards . Particularly when we camped around here , with the lighthouse so close . I don 't think I had the guts to actually visit the ruins until I was like fifteen years old . It was a little disappointing to find out that the ruins were mostly crumbling bricks . There were no skeletons , no strange relics from one hundred years ago . " " Yeah . He had a knack for it . He used to say one day he would write all his stories down , but he never got around to it . " Matt 's look was sad , and I left him alone for a while , not wanting to intrude on his memories just then . His father had died a very short while ago , and the pain must have still been fresh . I went off into the woods to relieve myself , and when I came back Matt was still sitting in the very same position , looking into the flames . I wanted to do something , but I didn 't really know what . I even went as far as to reach out for his shoulder , intending to maybe offer a reassuring pat , but then I thought better of it and I went into the tent instead . Matt wasn 't long in joining me . He put out the fire , and then climbed in , zipping the tent shut behind him . He settled down next to me . Both of us were going to sleep with all our clothes on , since we hadn 't brought sleeping bags and all we had was a thick blanket underneath us and another one to use on top . Matt settled down eventually , his warm body next to mine . He was silent for so long that I thought he had fallen asleep , but then he said , " I 'm going to get that son of a bitch , Sven . He 's going to pay for what he did to my father . " I felt Matt 's hand reach for mine in the darkness , and take it . I was surprised , and tensed up involuntarily . Matt gave my hand a quick , rough squeeze and then let go . It must have been very late at night , or really early in the morning , when the noises made me open my eyes . I couldn 't see anything ; it was completely dark inside the tent . Next to me , Matt was sleeping , his breathing coming regularly and evenly . He had edged closer to me as he slept , for warmth I suppose . Quietly , so as not to wake him up , I sat up , listening . At first , I didn 't hear anything . I just sat there , controlling my breathing , and tried to recall what it was that I had heard that had woken me up . The noises did not resume , however , and after a minute or so of waiting motionless in the dark , I began to drift off again . I even went so far as to lie back down next to Matt before I heard the sound of a branch snapping . I sat up again in a hurry , and I heard a kind of deep huffing , somewhere outside . The noise was followed by some scratches and then a loud crash of cans falling on the forest floor . " Look out ! " I yelled , vaulting for the entrance to the tent . Somehow I managed to unzip it and I rolled away , right as something big and hairy noticed me and headed straight for my fleeing shape . |
We live in West , in the realm of ice , Banneran and I , and the wolf - dog woman Orkoosh . I have no memory of being born , unlike them . I used to think I was their child but Banneran said , no , I had come to them from across one of the ice plains to the East . One of the old women had put me on a sled and sent me cascading across the plain wrapped in coats of pelts . He said the sled bounded and danced - Orkoosh saw it coming as she was out hunting and came running to him saying , look , a wonder ! There is a child in the sled Banne ! Orkoosh had said that it was because she remembers . I don 't understand it but that was all she said about it . Except that the East was a land basked in Sunshine , where we had only the Moon . Sunshine was a different kind of light , she said , which was much brighter than ours , but that , as we had the beautiful stars and the emerald light , we had nothing to complain about . I mentioned to you just now about not remembering being born . Apparently that 's a gift that the people of the West have , they remember being born just as the people of the East remember dying . I have lived a long time now in the snow of the West and I don 't remember being born and I don 't remember dying . This has led Orkoosh to wonder if I am from the East at all . What memories do you have ? She asks me all the time . I answer her , only of you and Banneran . Then she laughs as if it has all been a joke , and pats my head and will say , of course . She then motions to the sled I was brought on . Go and play , she says . In an instant she will turn from me and slink gracefully into her wolf - dog form and I will harness her to the sled and we will race about the snow plains under the purple - black sky covered with emerald lights - the lights that come from some other place , and know us , and watch over us as we play . Sometimes when we stop for breath I will ask Orkoosh to turn back into a woman and ask her questions . I ask her how long I have been with them , and she will say , don 't you remember ? You have been here for one hundred and eleven years . I will question her , how does she know this ? and she will say it 's because all shape - shifters know the passage of days . When you talk of the old woman , what do you mean ? I say to her , and she replies Old age is something that happens elsewhere , and I say to her , what happens elsewhere ? She will shake her head as if she thinks I 'm silly , and then off she goes again - ZIP ! - slinking back into a wolf and we fly across the ice back to the hut , and to Banneran who loves us . Then Orkoosh will change and they will always greet each other as if they been apart for a long time , and don 't quite know each other . He will ask her if she would like to sit down , for example , and then we will all eat . After dinner , Orkoosh and Banneran will seem to remember that they know each other , and will sit in the warmth of the hut and comb each other 's hair . This will take a long time because Orkoosh 's long , unruly locks will have gathered many tangles from the ice wind . Banneran will nod over to me and say , well , where is your comb young man ? Then I will put my hand in my pocket and there it is , the comb made of wood inlaid with mother - of - pearl . Orkoosh says that the old woman gave it to me . I begin to comb my hair too , because Orkoosh says fondly that the old woman would want me to look my best . It is tradition that Orkoosh tells him stories each time that we return . I don 't know where she gets them from , they are always fantastical . My stories are about little fish that I see , glinting in the ice pools , or bears in the distance , or the moon rising . Orkoosh , however , always has stories about princes and magicians and priestesses and treasure and great ships that roam the sky , flying along on the vapours left by the burning emerald lights . Banneran responds to Orkoosh 's stories . He says playfully , no no Koos , you have told that one before I think , even when she hasn 't . Or , akakaka , ( he clicks his tongue ) Koos I don 't like this story , the prince is too arrogant , the priestess would never grant him an entire kingdom for rescuing just one golden key . Be serious ! When I ask Banneran how long he has loved Orkoosh he smiles and says he doesn 't know . When I ask Orkoosh she laughs and says , almost forever , and that she knows this because she remembers being born . Then , after the stories are told , they say goodnight to me , and I creep through the pelt curtain on the East - hand side of the hut and am in my own den . Banneran has lit a fire in there for me with his magic , and from my bed I look up to the space in the roof where one brick is made of glass , because I asked Banneran to put it there . I asked him to make a glass brick , so that I could see out and watch the emerald lights fade , and the clouds race across the stars . The fire crackles with blue and lilac flames , Banneran 's magic will keep it burning while I sleep . Sometimes I wonder , as I look up through the glass brick to the sky , what we are , and why we live apart from others . I wonder how Orkoosh came to be a wolf - dog woman , or how Banneran came to have magic . Or who I am , and why I will never grow old , or remember being born , or remember dying . Orkoosh smiles at Banneran , rolling her eyes , when I ask her these questions , and says only Because we are in paradise . When I ask her what that means , Banneran answers . He says that sometimes the people in the East have dreams they don 't wake up from , and that we live in one of those dreams . That somewhere , a boy exactly like me grew up , lived his life , and then died , and in that final dream he imagined that he was a little boy again , and that his grandmother wrapped him in pelts and sent him across the ice on a sled to the West , where the people remember being born . When I say I don 't understand , Orkoosh answers , you said you only remember me and Banneran , is that true ? I nod . Then you are from the East after all . She says , and smiles . I crawl to my den and sleep , and when I wake , I wonder why it is that I never remember my dreams . The man and the woman from their separate vantage points stood sadly surveying each other from a distance , as they had done , year after year . The man had kept a weekly vigil by the lake for so long now , that people had stopped asking him when he would settle down and take a wife . Now the local people avoided him because they had watched him grow into someone strange . " Handsome , but witch - touched , " the old women would say about him as he walked alone down the street . " I have something for you , " he said , producing a wooden box . It was small , made of dark wood like mahogany , and criss - crossed with a lattice filigree of darting silver lines . It glinted in the moonlight as he held it out to the woman in the water . At last embracing , with a kiss they froze , and became two stone lovers . The box which had lain between them closed with a click . The waters lapped ferociously at the rocks , and cries filled the air like bleating gulls . A dark hand grasped out to grab the box , and pull it beneath the waves . " Oh , " the girl shrugged . " Those are the Lovers . " Seeing his blank look she continued with a playful glance back at him . " A man , and a mermaid , it 's an old folktale - oh never mind . " They were quiet for a moment , and both stood surveying the huddle of weatherworn stone which now resembled a little bridge from the land to the water . " My Grandfather thought there were really mermaids in the lake , so he would never let me come here . " She said . " I once had a joke with him - said that mermaids only drown boys , but he insisted that the mer - people had been very angry about their daughter getting seduced and turned to stone , and that they would likely try to do me a mischief anyway . " She picked up a stone and hurled it towards the lake . It hit the surface , then seemed to hang right on the edge for a moment , before slowly sinking below the waters . The girl rubbed her eyes , there were ripples spreading all over the surface of the lake like a shudder . " Let 's go , " she grabbed the boys ' hand and pulled him away from the water , but he said " wait a moment , " and dashed off towards the rocks . He had darted down towards the stone bridge snatching something up from the water 's edge , it was a box . The couple set off back the way they had come , as behind them , a green hand slunk back down below the water . It was perched right in the middle of all that water , on its ceremonial pedestal . It looked exactly as it had been described to him as a child , just as it appeared in all wall paintings and parchments , even on the skin of the Egg Guardian who carried the roughly inked glory of the egg on his back ; now a wrinkled tableau which upon his death would be re - applied to his successor in the same position and fashion as was tradition . The Egg Guardian was dead now of course , and so his novice would shortly have to take his place , unless there was no longer a need for a new Guardian , that is , if he , Olthar , chose to be the new Egg Lord , and right now there was not a lot to stop him . He wiped sweat off his forehead , his glance never falling away from the latticed crystal orb at the cavern 's heart , and Olthar mused how pathetic his people had become because no one had mustered the courage in a thousand years to pursue the Egg Dream . They believed that the legend was sacred , and that the Egg was sacred for the hard lessons it had taught them , but that times had moved on , and that it was better to be ruled by the Egg , than to rule by it . It was better , the law said , that adventurous individuals stay away from such quests rather than risk bringing misery to everyone : a return to the immorality which had plagued their society for eons before the last Egg Lord died and the Guardians were formed . Olthar was not a conformist , and in truth , he had often wondered if the Egg legend was just a load of nonsense which adults told to children in order to teach them not to go wandering off , or not to disobey orders . Now here he was , and nothing all that terrible had happened , not to him , at least . Sacrifices had been made , the Egg Guardian was dead , but he had been very old . Olthar consoled himself with this thought as he began finally to wade into the cool blue waters of the lake . Fiinally , that the Egg came with a price which no one knew and which was different for everyone . It was widely believed , however , that this price was insanity , as most Egg Lords spoken about in legends had allegedly met their ends by their own hands . Even when devoted followers had hidden all the golden arrows , in all the stories , always one would remain to be the instrument of the Egg Lord 's death at the dawn . Olthar wasn 't particularly interested in these stories however . He didn 't believe in mystical promises of strength and power . The Egg was a merely to him , a valuable commodity , and now that foreign traders had been coming to the islands and trade relationships had been established , the time had come to place faith in more earthly assets than the magic of one crystal egg . As he ascended the platform upon which the Egg was placed , Olthar was caught for a second by its extraordinary beauty , the way it absorbed and refracted the light so smoothly as if alive and pulsing . He wondered what gave the Egg its marvelous phosphorescence , and how much it might be worth to the foreign men of his science who desired to know the answer to such questions . Now these thoughts ebbed and flowed within Olthar as he picked up the singing Egg and held it aloft . He felt its beauty surging through him , all its light and wisdom and strength , and he laughed out loud joyfully , only turning at the sound of stone grinding behind him . He was forced to watch helplessly as a giant wall of rock descended on the only entrance and exit to the cavern , cutting him off from the outside world . Posted on August 2 , 2015 by Tales of Fiction This short story is my entry into @ ruanna3 's latest fiction competition , The Dark Fairy Queen 's Midsummer Night 's Dream Writing Contest . I 've chosen the theme ' fairytales . ' Hope you enjoy , and please click on the blue ' froggy ' link at the bottom of the story to check out other competition entries . Thanks ! Lights flashing on outside the museum appeared to be like the echo of the lights dimming within . I remember them that night because of the exhibit , the sealed box which held all the magic the children came to see in such large numbers . It had been so long since such a place had existed in the real world . During long summer evenings I would often stay to walk among the exhibits alone . I know that other employees found the experience " creepy . " They were afraid of the paintings with their corpse - like eyes , placid and unfathomable . I never had those thoughts because I wasn 't afraid of death as they were . Mine , and the generations before me crafted stories to cope with the passing of life , but now that transfer from biological , entropying bodies to replaceable mechanical models was possible , death had become unthinkable , so that even these paintings of the dead were horrifying to them . As I headed straight for the Organic Exhibits room I thought about the stories my father told me when I was a child . I vaguely remember one about children being lost in a place where trees thrived , where a bad woman lived who ate children , or was that another tale ? The stories had given me nightmares so my father had stopped telling them . Now I approached the museum 's new attraction with a feeling , wonder , I think it was . I heaved its lid open and gazed down . The first thing I remember , standing over the encapsulated paradise , was the smell . Fresh and woody , the musty scent assaulted my nostrils and almost made me stumble . In that box lay synthesized the last bastion of poets and dreamers : a dell of miniature trees , their trunks entwined with ivy , their roots adorned with bluebells - a pioneering effort all created artificially , but so real they seemed to me , who had never seen a forest , or a flower . For a moment I experienced calm , until I heard a voice in the woods . I was so proud to work there . Every morning as I rounded that final corner I would catch a glimpse of the building basking in rising sun . It dominates the skyline from every direction , you can 't escape it . As a feat of architecture it 's not only functional but aesthetically captivating , it has a terrible beauty about it which makes even the locals stop , and stare when they come near it . When I first started there I was on top of the world about it . I mean you would be wouldn 't you ? Starting at a firm like that . My decision to re - train , at my age , was such a gamble . I really thought it had paid off . It wasn 't the firm , not at first , I mean it was , but it was the building . I know you won 't understand until I explain it all , but the people were a delight to start off with . Most of them were very nice , and very sociable people , you know , always inviting me to their houses , and barbeques and all that . I never went of course , being me , I sort of wish I had now because maybe then I would have sensed something from them . But then , I still don 't know who knew about it , about the building . It really started one day when I was in at the weekend , on my own . I remember waking up that day and thinking that I could do a thousand things with my time , that I was on top of all my work and so could spend the day doing anything , or nothing , and yet , suddenly there I was , on the way to work . I just needed to be there . Suddenly I felt as if not being there was a waste of my time . Here 's a picture I took . You can see how the surface of the copper on that side catches the sunlight so beautifully . It 's a sculpture really isn 't it . All those layers , those jutting edges . Yes , that part does look like a face doesn 't it ? You could almost believe it was watching you . I have so many photos like that , all from different angles . Even in the rain it looks majestic . Perhaps , especially in the rain . I have no idea who built it . I tried to find out but it isn 't even on the net anywhere . The design is always credited to the firm and what they call the C . C . C , " Collective Creative Cooperative " which is a kind of employee program I suppose you could call it . It was brought up in meetings but I never seemed to be able to find out much about it either . Some sort of extracurricular artistic collaboration I thought it was . You know modern businesses are so hellbent on teamwork and bonding and expressing yourself , all that gumpf . I stayed there all day , I worked on a project , idly . I remember thinking , as I ate my lunch , I should feel lonely here . But I didn 't . I was almost glad to be alone . To have that space to myself . I remember looking at the walls and marveling at how I thought there were must have been paintings up , but there were none at all . Just the wall , but it in itself was fascinating . The way it seemed have that natural flow , like water , like a river . It was part stone , part metal , it seemed to shift with the eye . It got late and I suddenly realised that I hadn 't typed anything or read anything , or even thought about anything in at least half an hour . It was so peaceful , like being in a womb . Because at night the lights would go dim naturally , and the huge windows would let the soft sunset in . The sunsets up on my floor were spectacular , it was like bathing in a watercolour , every night . It became a habit . I couldn 't stop going back there on the weekends , and during the week I 'd stay late . Sometimes others would stay too , but we kept to ourselves . It was as if no one wanted to disturb the atmosphere , that strange , calm movement the place had , like sitting in a giant rocking chair . One night I thought I could make out voices . Whispers . There was no one in the office , and I had to check my phone to make sure I hadn 't called anyone by accident , I hadn 't . The whispers were coming from all around me . I thought I had been dreaming , but In a few minutes of getting up , standing very still and listening , I realised where the sound was emanating from . It was coming from the walls . I lent my ear up against one and heard it . The voices all whispering . I think there were actually speaking loudly , maybe they were even shouting , but all that material was blocking the sound , trapped it in stone and iron . Yes it dawned on me that they must be piping sound in through the walls somehow . It could have been one of those arty ideas , to make the building a talking installation or something . They do that in art galleries sometimes don 't they ? And the building is a work of art , or rather it 's even more than that . One day I was invited to join the C . C . C . My manager showed me a leaflet with lots of vague statements on it about " giving back " and " rewarding loyal employees " , " personal enrichment " that sort of thing . I glanced at it and said I would love to be a part of it , at once , without even asking what it was . By this stage I was in work all the time , and I had begun to notice how quickly people came and went in that job . Many faces remained to treat me kindly or to give me increasingly unsettling stares in the corridor , but there was also a high turn - over of nobodies . I guessed they were just part - timers . I never really made an effort to get to know anybody who I didn 't have to directly work with . Every so often one of the managers would talk about the " dispatchables " , and I soon realised that they meant those come - and - go staffers whom no one really knew but who seemed to fulfill their roles and then quietly fade into obscurity . I remember my own manager , the man who had given me the leaflet , say , The business was ludicrously successful . When he said that , I pondered my future at the company , and it wasn 't even about a promotion or the money , it was about what he had said , about maintaining . I wanted to be a custodian , of that building . It had become my whole world . Finally , they took me aside and said that they would explain the CCC to me . They said that I had shown enough dedication and had been there long enough to enjoy its benefits . It was in a meeting at 6pm on a Friday , when everyone else had gone home . I remember watching the last rays of light glide down onto the table , and looking around at the faces of the others who had fallen into shadows . I was suffering from exhaustion . The voices in the walls were now everywhere and when I left that building I couldn 't sleep because I missed them . I felt disconnected without their chatter . The managers led me away from the conference room . One of them explained the architecture of the building to me in terms of flows of energy , like in Feng Shui . As we passed room after room , down flights and along more corridors her voice mingled with the wall whispers and her hands pointed out this feature and that . She imparted the wisdom of the structure to me , how it caught all the positive energy like a trap , reached out and grasped energy from its surroundings , and from us . But people like me benefited from this . We were wrapped in this flow , our energies becoming one with all the others ; streams and eddies of opportunity , of luck , of wisdom , all caught up in the building 's every living breath . I didn 't really think much about the validity of what she was saying as we walked . Of course it sounds ridiculous , but I just listened . Everything made perfect sense to me then because my work was my life . Whenever I entered that building I came alive , and when I left I was emptied of it . We ended up at a small door down in the basement . It was dark and hot down there , like a boiler room . They opened the door and we all stepped inside . You wouldn 't believe what I saw in there , how majestic that room was for all its inauspicious appearance from the corridor . The walls were like gold with glints of copper , bronze , I don 't know what . They whispered and writhed . The floor was a dark red , like a resin , like a very deep amber , and in it floated shapes , seemingly borne along by a current . In front of me I saw two men and a woman . They stood before a patch of wall marked like a doorway without a door . They all had their backs to me . The man was limp , as though drunk or asleep , held up by the man and the woman . Then the man and the woman woke the slumped man . They said some things to him which seemed to distress him , before leading him forward . They propped him up against the wall and everyone waited . Nothing happened for a few minutes , then I saw his eyes widen , and swivel . He moved , he was being pulled backwards , sucked . His shoulder went first and he struggled , but fingertips appeared to grasp him , and pull him further in . A foot appeared , more limbs , it was as if a struggle was going on between those behind the wall and the man in front of it . I saw a palm go up on the golden wall , beating against the material , but it couldn 't break the surface . The man was now pinned , both his arms behind him , screaming at us . I gave three people to the wall . Not that many , not as many as the others . I knew their names because I had to research them first . They couldn 't be sick , mentally or physically . That would affected us all . But one day I got sick . I nearly died . Something I picked up from a late night meal on the way home . I was in hospital for weeks . At first not being near to the building was unbearable . But as I grew in strength I started to forget about it , it lost its hold on me . I mean I still knew that I was guilty of hideous things , but somehow even my guilt was tied up with the building . It wasn 't a part of me , because when I was there I wasn 't myself . Strangely enough , it was only when I passed the building on the bus that it hit me . All of what it was . A living , breathing thing . Hungry , insatiable . And I had fed my colleagues to it . I looked out at the building from the bus window , and something looked back at me . We were both remembering . I never went back . The firm never even contacted me , except once . They sent me a chatty letter , reminding me that the C . C . C was " the future of corporate business " , and that I was always welcome , should I wish to return . It mentioned they were planning on expanding . " The Swan Man is a sorcerer , " grandmother would say . " He got his powers from the dark one . He steals the girls and leaves the boys and no one knows what he does with them . " " At night dear , when the moon is hidden behind a wreath of cloud , or there is no moon at all to show him up . He swoops down and pecks at the window pane , tap tap , and you must not get up to let him in ! Oh no . For he steals little girls who stay awake . " " I don 't believe in magic " I told my grandmother one night . I ran outside and I shouted it at her from the gate . She clasped her hands as if in prayer and cried and it was only my sister who convinced me to come back , to apologise , to go without supper and not run off into the woods like the wild thing my grandmother said I was . Now here I am at the entrance to the woods . The Swan Man is real , and I know it . I too saw him because I waited , I waited in the spot where the blacksmith 's daughter told me to wait and I saw the thin figure of man flit by . It seemed he was nothing but a long shadow , he came and then was gone , but I know his way . " Why could you not have married ? " My sister had called at me as the gate swung shut . But John pulled her away down the lane and he would not look back . " He says you cursed his name ! How could you be so foolish ? Did we not take you in , and were we not kind to you ? This is a poor way to repay your only family . " It was Wedlow 's cottage and I couldn 't sit in it anymore on my own after they had gone . I knew he would come for it . I had been tired of his interfering , of complaining that we didn 't look after the land as we should . I told him what I thought of him and that might have been that , but his hag of a wife saw me . She saw me at the edge of the woods , waiting for the Swan Man . Soon after his boy died , everyone knew where I had been . I have no option now but to let the Swan Man take me in . I have no money put by , but I am fit and can work . Perhaps he will find a use for me . The journey to the nearest town is too far , and no one will take me . I 'll press on then , and by nightfall I should reach him . I wonder will I know him ? Will I see the Swan , or the Man ? Or nothing ? The trees are closing in but I can still see a path . Faintly I can trace a way through these grasping branches , though my feet are caught by thorns , and mired in sodden leaves . Creatures scurry past my ankles and I can feel the wind at my back , and the air growing moist , and cold . There , a clearing , a hovel in the rock , a fire . There he is , the thin shape , dark as a shadow ; his face is pale like the moon but he is no swan . What a sorrowful face ! Such beautiful eyes ! Why is he so young , still ? He must truly be a magician . We are watching each other now across the fire . He beckons me over to where the cages are ; where he is standing there are many cages , many wings held up over faces . There are furs on the ground , and he has burrs in his hair . " One day I will die , and you must tell them that . You 'll have no master then . " I nod my head again , and wait , afraid . Now I turn my eyes to creatures in the cages slumbering . For an instant I think I can see faces flash underneath white feathers , but they are just the faces of birds . White swans ; big beasts in bigger cages . The world is ablaze with light and I am floating in white feathers . He must have let the birds out , I think for an instant . Then I am doubled over , the blaze is in my head and limbs . I cry out and extend my arms only to see wings before my eyes , and the voice of a bird calling . Someone once made the mistake of telling my Grandfather that , being the greatest shipwright the province over , he could build a boat out of anything . I remember him laughing at the man , grabbing his chest , his white beard quivering , but his eyes were starting to mist over . Something then , gripped him , and never let go . First it was a boat made of hair . He sent my sister and I throughout the town , and then the neighbouring town , and on and on down the roads to collect all the strands . I remember standing there in the sweltering heat , holding the bucket as the old women went round shaving heads , their deft old hands working so quickly as to become a blur before our eyes . Those with the strongest , darkest hair took our money , and we gathered up the hair newly fallen from now glistening heads . We took the buckets back to our Grandfather who hugged us in excitement when he saw how much we had collected . He would comment lovingly on the good quality of the hair , what a great job we had done . He would reward us with biscuits from an old tin adorned with a smiling lady holding a bursting cornucopia . Later , when we were afloat in that other boat , I would think of her , and wonder where she had gathered such wondrous fruit , and if we would ever see land again . The boat made of hair was not seaworthy . It pained us all to see my Grandfather abandon it , but everyone knew it was a fool 's errand . Suddenly where once we had a house full of laughter and industrious excitement , now even the walls radiated with silence . My Grandfather was thinking , he was grieving for his dream , surrounded by all the swathes of dark hair left here and there in every room that seemed to become entwined in everything . But he did not give up . Next there was the boat made of heavily salted butter , but you know how that turned out . I think pretty much everyone heard about that one . There was not enough salt in all the land to make that ship sail , and you know it 's funny because the sea is full of salt , but there it is . My Grandfather abandoned that too , and everyone we knew said ( by that stage ) that it was a good thing my Grandmother was not alive to see it . It would have cut her two , they said , to watch him turn his hand to all these follies . He was leaning out of the side of the house like that , clear out of the window into the sun . I can still see him now , and yes I think he really was half in and half out of life . Each day and each new design brought him a little further away from reality . But the boat made from paper was the greatest of all his successes . That 's what everyone said . Grandfather was so proud , he stood at the docks and beamed at it , and beamed at us and now when I remember what it was like to look upon that ship it fills me with wonder still . She had the tallest sails , ivory white , and her sides were tinged with blue . The cabin walls were smooth as glass and the bunks so soft to lie upon , I 'll never really know how he did it . We set sail one quiet autumn day and half the province came to wave us off . They all brought picnics and there was singing and dancing and fires burning all along the wharf as we drifted away like a feather on the wind . I remember having some misgivings . I was sorry to leave so many of my things behind but Grandfather said I would be able to buy new things , once we got to some new place . My sister grew dark as she heard him say this , her face became stuck , pained . She asked him how he knew where we would go and what we would do there and he just said that the boat would decide . He actually laughed at our concerns . I found her down below , in the belly of the ship . She was sobbing . My Grandfather was up on deck singing , oblivious . But when I came to my sister to see what was wrong , I found she was bent over a sheet of paper , she had a pen in her hand . It may as well have been a knife . A pen . On a magical boat made of paper . " What are you writing ? " I asked her . But she could not reply . I found some of her notes and began hoarding them in case Grandfather might see . I tried to read them but they made no sense to me at all . They were just strings of words , some weren 't even spelt correctly . Soon her bed was gone . She had ripped it up to write a book of nonsense verse in a language she had invented . My Grandfather , who slept on deck , was still none the wiser until she started attacking the very helm . She tore the great wheel apart in her madness for paper to write upon . When my Grandfather saw what had happened to her he fell down upon his knees and wept . Carelessly he tore a sheet from the deck to use as a tissue to blow his great nose in . He knew then that all magic comes at a price . He had been willing to pay any deficit for our sakes , he said , but no one had come asking , the magic had just taken the thing it wanted most , or what was most easily taken . My sister went raving mad when we took the pen away and so we had to lock her in the brig . Still she ripped at the sides of her cell and so we had to restrain her . Lying awake at night I could hear her screams and I even took the pen and hurled it into the ocean but it did no good . My Grandfather and I both beseeched the ship to leave my sister be , and to torment us instead , but to no avail . You cannot unchoose a choice made by magic . " Sink it . " He said to me one night in a storm . " Sink it and we 'll try and swim away . " The storm raged so loud that night we were almost grateful because it drowned out the cries of my poor mad sister . Every cloud has a silver lining they say . " To the bottom of the ocean with her . " Grandfather cried , and he downed the last of the whiskey , and crushed the soggy bottle with one hand . In his ship , even the bottles were made of paper . We had run out of food by that stage , and as my Grandfather said , we could not eat the paper . The next morning I woke to the sound of seagulls and a face full of sand . I turned my head to my right and saw my sister , lying on the beach , her hair extended in beautiful honey tendrils . For a moment I felt like I was only dreaming , and I wanted only to put my hand out to touch those soft strands , to feel them under my fingers , something safe and familiar and beautiful . But I knew in my heart I was awake . It was then I saw my Grandfather waving goodbye to us , I watched him sink below the waves and rubbed my eyes because it seemed impossible . How had we come to be there ? Could it really be my Grandfather sinking away into the water , leaving us ? The reality hit me like the waves , full in the face , stinging and blinding and relentless . I screamed and screamed but he came no nearer to us , in one moment he was gone , swallowed by a wave , his boat of dreams , obliterated in an instant . " Please help us , " I ran to them . " Our Grandfather will drown , he 's out there now in a boat made of paper . " That 's what I said to them . I pointed out to sea but someone said . I felt a last cry gather in my mouth and then stiffle . I saw my sister smiling and chatting to the people on the beach , I saw her take a shell out of her beautiful hair and act as if nothing had happened . I felt utterly at a loss , and so I put my hands in my pockets and it was then that I felt something crumple . It was a sheet of paper . I took it out and opened it up and saw the words my sister had written start to make sense at last . The words stopped . They had finally run aground . I shook my head and tried to say something to my sister , about the things she had written , and about our Grandfather , and about that emptiness in the centre of the page but she was already moving away . The sun was rising high above our heads , and above the people who led her away up into the trees . Someone was singing , the smell of food was drifting down the beach and catching me up in it . |
I am thankful for so many things . I have been blessed in many ways . The main thing I am thinking of today is my family . I know that the majority of the time I complain about them , and my kids drive me crazy . However , I honestly love them more than anything in the world . I am incredibly thankful to have such an amazing husband and to have happy , healthy kids . My mom recently told me about how a first grader at her school was diagnosed with leukemia and has been in a children 's hospital for months . The little girl is six . Not that I think anyone deserves to get cancer , but this little girl should be spending her summer in the pool or on a beach or at camp or doing anything else that does not involve living in a hospital . This makes me think about how much I take my kids ' health for granted . I complain about when they have colds or a stomach virus . Things could be so much worse . I am thankful to have healthy kids . My husband went to see The Dark Night at midnight when it opened last week . Neither of us ever thought about some whack job going in and shooting up the movie theater . I 'm sure no one in Colorado thought that would happen either . I still can 't wrap my head around this tragedy . I continue to pray for the victims and their families . Life is precious and you never know when it might end . I am thankful for the lives of everyone in my family . I want to keep us all in a little family bubble where no one can never hurt us . So , on this Thankful Thursday , which I may or may not continue weekly , I am incredibly thankful for my family . They mean the world to me , and they always will . Thank you , Buster , Reilly , Andrew , Evan , Grayson , & Landon for being my amazing family . I 've seen this on many other blogs and think it is a great idea . Especially since I am a little too wordy at times . Who knows , maybe I 'll even make this a regular thing . ( probably not ! ) This year , we decided not to go on our regular summer vacation trip to Ocean City . We decided not to go on vacation period . We knew we 'd have five kids and that money would be tight . Back in January , we decided that we wouldn 't go away this summer . In January , all I could think about was having the baby in February , so not going on vacation didn 't seem like a big deal - at the time . Once summer hit , I wished we could go to the beach . But we knew that it would mean spending a ton of money we didn 't have , and that it would be stressful with five kids . Even with only four kids last year , we had to split up most of the time . One of us would stay at the condo with the napping kids , while the other one would take the other kids to the pool . We basically do the same thing at home . Buster still had time to take off of work , so he took vacation time for a week , and we had a facation . He was off for ten days , and before his time off , we had all kinds of big plans for when he was home . We were going to fix some things around the house . We were going to take a few day trips with the kids . We were going to go to the pool every day . During the second half of the vacation time , we had a lot of doctor appointments scheduled , that were best to get done while he was home . Superchunk had an appointment with the ENT to get his tongue clipped because he was tongue tied . Side note - I was super proud of myself for taking him and watching . He was great , and it literally took less than a minute . We are incredibly lucky because this was our first experience with ever needing a specialist or needing to have any type of procedure done to any of the kids . I thought about pushing it off onto Buster , but I sucked up my anxiety so that I could be there with my baby . After that we also had yearly checkups for both Trouble and Pirate , and Trouble had his first dentist appointment . Luckily , no one needed shots ! We got both of their health forms for school filled out and dropped off at their schools , so I don 't have that hanging over my head anymore . Aside from these appointments , we didn 't really have any set plans . We just had a bunch of stuff we wanted to do with the kids . Buster got home from work around 1pm on July 12 . I was working on lunches for the kids . They were whining , and they jumped all over Buster as soon as he got home . I think he was ready to go back to work about 20 minutes later ! We decided that since we weren 't going away , we were going to pretend to be away for the whole vacation . At first we were calling it Stay - Cation , since Buster was off but we were staying home . But then we decided to call it Facation , since we were faking our vacation at the beach . No one else may find it funny , but we laughed about it all week . After naps on Thursday , I took Trouble to the pool by himself to spend some quality time together , and to reward him for pooping on the potty regularly . Any time we went to the pool , it was the equivalent of the pool at the beach . Friday we slept in and relaxed during the day . After dinner , we took all of the kids for a walk to the playground at Princess 's school . That was the same as when we take evening walks at the beach , only there was no beach . Right now it is only a little over a week later , and I honestly can 't remember exactly what we did last weekend . I know we sat outside and had drinks Saturday night , like when we sit on the balcony of our condo at the beach . The more we drank , the more we pretended things were the same as Ocean City . Sunday , Buster took the kids to the pool for a little while . By the evening , I wasn 't feeling well . I 've been fighting this ear infection since the beginning of July . I took ear drops for over a week , felt better , then it came back . Sunday night I felt out of it . Monday I called the doctor , but they couldn 't see me until Tuesday . Monday afternoon I took Curly to the pool with my sister and my nephew , and we hung out at the baby pool for a while . By the way , the baby pool is not a babysitter for your kids , people ! I hate when people just let their kids go into the baby pool without watching them . It is still water , and your kid could still fall under and drown . At the same time , don 't let your kids steal my kids ' toys . I don 't care if they play with them , but don 't pack them up in your bag and pretend like you didn 't notice it wasn 't yours . That 's why my name is on my toys . There is a reason I don 't take all 5 kids to the pool . . . because I couldn 't handle them all on my own . I 'm not going to pawn them off onto everyone else in the baby pool so I can lay on my stomach and tan myself with my head covered , or sit at the snack bar where I can 't possibly see my kids . I apologize for the pool rant ! Monday evening we took the kids to a park nearby which we refer to as the Duck Pond . We checked out the ducks and spent a long time on the swings and the playground . There is a park on the bay in Ocean City that we go to every year during our vacation , so that was our beach equivalent . Tuesday morning I went to the doctor for my ears , which turned out to be my ears , sinuses , chest , and a whole mess of other stuff . Turned out that going to Urgent Care on July 1 was a waste of money because they just treated me for what I thought I had , not really looking to see what the cause was . After spending the morning at the doctor and waiting at the pharmacy for meds , I was exhausted and had 75 pills to take . Taking all the medicine together made me feel dizzy , so I was able to squeeze in a little nap while Buster had the older three kids at the pool . I usually love getting a pool day , especially during the week . This sickness has made things unenjoyable this whole month . Right before dinner Tuesday evening , our lights flickered . The day before we heard a transformer blow nearby , and we thought maybe we were getting some kind of aftermath from that . Later on , we sat down to watch our evening show with the kids . Buster went upstairs to check the thermostat because he thought it felt a little warm in the living room . Then he disappeared into the laundry room to check the a / c unit . We just spent a butt load of money getting our indoor unit fixed at the beginning of June , so I was praying there was nothing wrong with it . Buster checked outside and that part of the unit wasn 't working . The a / c company couldn 't come out until the next morning . It was 7 : 30 in the evening and 94 degrees outside . The inside temperature was climbing . That night was the most miserable night we have spent in the longest time . Buster , Pirate , and Trouble slept in the basement . He said the boys were up and down all night - couch to floor to chair to sleeping bag . I slept in my room so that I could hear the babies in their cribs . We had a fan on each crib , one on my bed , and two in the basement , along with every window in the house open . Princess slept in my bed . Curly woke up every hour all night . I brought him in my bed a couple times , but he would just get all exited and start jumping around . Superchunk slept all night with no probleAlthough me getting sick and the air conditioning breaking were nowhere in our plans for facation , we still equated them to being away . We 've had to visit the doctor in OC on more than one occasion . And most years , something bad happens to us while we 're there . One year the a / c in the place broke . Another year the place we picked was just plain gross . Last year , our car broke down and we had to get it towed and fixed while were away . We just have the best luck ! Buster said that it was actually better we were home because the unit would have kept trying to run if we were away and it could have caused more serious damage . Wednesday we were all so exhausted from the night before we just laid around the house and enjoyed the cool air . We headed over to the mall and ate lunch and let the kids get on a few rides . The whole time we joked about how we were at the boardwalk in OC on the rides . That night we all went to bed early to catch up from the night before . Thursday morning , Pirate had a checkup and Trouble had a dentist appointment . I had scheduled them a half hour apart , thinking there would be plenty of time to get from one office to the next . The night before we thought we might be cutting it too close , so Buster took Trouble , Curly , and Princess to the dentist office , while I took Pirate and Superchunk to the doctor . Buster was done at the dentist in plenty of time for the doctor , so we swapped kids , and he stayed with Pirate for his checkup . I thought it was cute that he wanted to go to the appointments . He said he likes to take them when he can to get to see how they 're doing . Bonus - Trouble loved the dentist ! He came home and proudly showed off his bag of goodies with a new toothbrush and flossers . That afternoon , I went for a much needed and long overdue haircut . When I was done , I dropped off both Pirate and Trouble 's health forms for their schools . Then Buster left for his night of Batman . He and his friend went to watch the entire trilogy . He got home at 4am . We didn 't hear about the CO shooting until the next morning . My heart goes out to those affected by such a senseless tragedy . I just don 't understand how things like this happen . It definitely made me hug my children tighter and pray hard for those families that lost loved ones . Friday , I spent the entire day in bed . I felt awful . The doctor had told me that as the congestion broke up and started draining properly I could get pains in my head . Apparently a side effect of the steroid I was on was pain in my muscles . I felt sore and everything felt tender . It rained all day , which made laying in bed all day a little more bearable . I equated this to being on vacation with morning sickness both last year and the year before . At least this time I didn 't have to go through an entire pregnancy afterward ! It also rained all day Saturday . We had family over Saturday night for a party . We had a great time , but everyone stayed up too late . Yesterday was another day where we just laid around . In the end , we didn 't go to any of the places we had planned on taking the kids . We didn 't fix any of the things around the house we were going to fix . We didn 't do very much at all . We weren 't counting on me being sick or on the air conditioning breaking , which both contributed to us not doing much else . But we had a nice week of family time . Today everyone is missing Daddy ! When I was in the shower this morning ( the place where I do most of my uninterrupted thinking ) I was thinking about how the kids are really changing and developing . I realized that things are getting easier around here , and that 's due to the fact that the kids are all getting bigger and doing more . Milestones are important , but sometimes they get overlooked in all the chaos that is life with five children . Writing the things that have happened lately will help me to remember them . Some might even make it into the Baby Books , although I doubt it : ) Superchunk is an absolute dream baby ! I mean , he is as close to a perfect baby as one can get . He hardly ever cries . He 's been sleeping all night since he was six weeks old . He sleeps 10 - 12 hours every night , and doesn 't even seem bothered when Curly wakes up crying during the night . I admit , he spends a lot of time being moved from place to place , Jumperoo to Exersaucer to playmat to highchair to Bumbo . He doesn 't get held as much as I 'd like to hold him , or as much as he did when he was a newborn , but he seems to be okay with it . I try to rock him to sleep at night , but he wants no part of it . He likes to be in the crib and fall asleep on his own . ( I told you he was a dream baby ! ) As tough as things seemed when he was first born , they have gotten so much easier where Superchunk is concerned . He 's on a schedule where he takes his four bottles a day , two regular naps in the crib , and the same bedtime every night . It seems like all of a sudden he 's into a routine that just flows with what everyone else is doing . He just started eating cereal , and we put him in the highchair at the table when everyone is at the table so he can be part of our meals . He also started rolling over last week , which I thought would take much longer for him to do since he 's so big . That 's a lot of baby body to move ! The kids love making him laugh and coo , and he loves watching them . There is a lot of activity in this house , so there is always something to keep him entertained ! Curly seems to be getting bigger every day . His clothes that were too big when summer started are fitting better . He has an older look to him now than he did just a few weeks ago . He has a mouth full of teeth , with all four of his incisors coming through in the past few weeks . He cut back from two naps to one . We moved him from the highchair to a booster seat at the dining room table . Although he loves to throw his placemat and utensils on the floor , grab everyone else 's food and drinks , and bang on the table , it 's still neat to see him sitting with the rest of us . Pirate is starting to read , which is amazing to me . I know for sure that I don 't spend as much time reading with him as I did with Princess . She was reading well before she started kindergarten , and he is just beginning . But he really enjoys it , and I 'm spending more time working with him . I love that my kids love books and going to the library . Pirate got his first library card , and he gets a kick out of doing the self checkout at the library . He 's at a great age where helping is fun . He loves to do his chores , which I think is great because I know that in a few years I 'll probably get the same eye rolling from him that I now get from his sister . He 's gotten much more independent recently , getting up early and entertaining himself rather than waking up the rest of the house , getting his own breakfast , cleaning up after himself . He has a great imagination and loves playing with his superheroes and dressing up like them . Princess is getting very mature . In most ways this is a good thing , although I 'm not loving the eye rolling and the stomping up the steps when she doesn 't like what I tell her . Pretty sure the teenage years are not going to be a good time ! Where she does her share of eye rolling and whining , she is an enormous help around here . I am constantly asking her to run and get something for me or to help the boys clean up . I know she gets annoyed , but it 's good for her to help . She is reading the Harry Potter books now , which really hit me that she is growing up . I 'm used to her reading much younger books , but she 's reading longer more mature books now , and understanding them . She 's also into popular music now . All the kids know some of the popular stuff that 's out there now . I 'm not a parent who plays kids ' music in the car , so they know stuff that I like . But she now tells me to change the station when she doesn 't like a song , and I see her in the rear view mirror singing along . In the past year , she has really started showing her taste in clothes and how she wears her hair . I know this is a good thing This is a busy house , and it 's easy to miss the milestones the kids are achieving . Nothing is going unnoticed , it 's just a matter of taking a step back and looking to see everything that is happening . Sometimes it 's hard to see everything at once , so I have to take a second and separate the big picture into smaller pieces . It 's worth it though , because this is all happening so quickly that one day Superchunk is going to be the eye - rolling eight year old , and I 'll wonder how he got there ! Has the excitement of summer worn off ? I think it might be gone . Maybe we 're getting tired of being around each other all day , every day . I 'm still happy the kids are off of school . As a former teacher , I love the summer . I spent six years teaching and counting down the days until summer vacation . As a parent , I still love it . I love that the kids are home . I love not having to wake up to an alarm every day , staying in pj 's as late as we want , and having laid back days . But when someone offers to take one or two kids for the day , I do a happy dance . I start the summer the same way every year . I say we 're going to go to the library every week . I sign the kids up for something , anything to get them out of the house for a little while . This year , Pirate had swimming lessons for two weeks at the beginning of the summer . I also signed Princess and Pirate up for Vacation Bible School at a local church . I 've never sent them to anything like that before , and I thought it might be fun . This was in May . At that time , July 8 - 13 seemed really far away . By this weekend , I was rethinking the decision . Did I really want to get everyone up and dressed and in the car to drop them off at 8 : 30 ? I know where the church is and what the parking is like , and it didn 't seem appealing to have to drag five kids in there twice a day all week . So , the second Princess said she didn 't want to go , I jumped on it and decided not to take them . Classic Amy . I sign up , then I back out . In my defense , neither of them wanted to go , so I didn 't feel so bad about not doing it . And it was free . If I had paid , I would have made them go . Everything else just seems to have that ' blah ' feeling to it lately too . Last week was around 350 degrees out , so we stayed inside the whole week . Now , temperatures are back to normal , and we 're still not doing much . I still offer to fill the pool every day , but the older two say it 's boring . Yes , a small plastic pool with a little slide is nothing compared to the community pool down the street . However , I am not insane and I will not take all five kids to the pool alone . Or with help . Not gonna happen this summer . Usually when the Summer Blahs hit , it 's right around vacation time . Then we go away for a week , come home refreshed , and everything seems fun again . This year we aren 't going anywhere , and the summer feels looong . My husband is on vacation next week , so hopefully we 'll do some fun things , or just having him home will make things feel less ' blah ' . In the meantime , I am getting sick of hearing the same things over and over and over from my kids . I 'm tired of the whining , complaining , fighting , yelling , arguing , and the mess . Here are some things I hear every day : 2 . " I 'm bored . " - Seriously ? I know it 's not that exciting to be home all the time , but we have trillions of toys , crafts , art stuff , games , etc . 7 . " He / She isn 't cleaning up ! " - Said at least 500 times a day , instead of actually cleaning up the toys . ( For being so bored , they sure do drag out a lot of shit . ) 9 . " What 's for dinner ? " - This starts first thing in the morning . And is repeated all day . Usually followed by " I don 't like that . " Tough . 10 . " When will Daddy be home ? " - This one 's my favorite because it shows they are tired of me , and that clearly Daddy is the more fun parent . Also it means they 'll be off my back for a little while ; - ) I 'm not just tired of hearing them say the same things . I 'm tired of constantly repeating myself , too . Sometimes I wish I had a CD that I could just repeat of my voice saying the same thing over and over . Now I know why parents send their kids to summer camp . I wouldn 't trade my time at home with them for going to work all day . But I do breathe a sigh of relief when Buster gets home from work . Some nights I go out for a walk , either alone or with Curly . Some nights I get excited to run to Target , just to have time alone . And by far , the happiest time of day is when I see all of their sweet faces sleeping . I love them the most then ! My big boy is five years old today ! It feels like he 's been here forever . Yesterday I was telling him the story of the day leading into the night we went into the hospital to have him , and I realized that day was the last day we only had one child . Princess was listening to the story and said she wishes we could go back to her being the only kid . . . Tough luck , sweetie ! On July 9 , 2007 , I had my last doctor 's appointment . They doctor said I was due July 6 , but I thought I was due July 2 , so by the 9th , I was ready to go . I was enormous and miserable . At that appointment , I still wasn 't dilated , and I was scheduled to go to the hospital at midnight to get Cervadil on my cervix to get me dilating and start the induction . We left the doctor 's office and took Princess out for a day of fun . We went to the " big " mall and did all of her favorite things . We even made a Build a Bear for the new baby . After that we took her to my parents ' house , where she was going to be spending the next few nights . We had pizza with my parents and sisters , hung out for a little while , and got ready to leave . I was crying leaving Princess behind that night . I knew that the next time I saw her , she would not be my only child . I was incredibly nervous about going through labor and delivery again , but I was mostly scared about going from one child to two children . For three years and seven months , Princess was our only child . Everything revolved around her . I didn 't know how I could love another baby as much as I loved her . I was really scared about that . On the forty minute ride from my parents ' house to ours , Buster tried to joke around and make me feel less nervous , but it didn 't work . When we got home , we watched the finale of Hell 's Kitchen , watched the news , and left for the hospital , after stopping at Wendy 's for a burger for Buster . When the in - house doctor checked me around 1 : 30 am , I was already 4 cm . All that mall walking earlier had gotten things going . He told me to sleep and they would start pitocin around 7am . We went to sleep , and around 5 I had to go to the bathroom . As I was walking to the bathroom , my water broke all over the hospital room floor . I yelled for Buster who came running in his socks and slipped in the water . Gross ! He called the nurse , and from there things started to go fast . I never needed pitocin . My contractions started and sped up , and I had an epidural . I was able to taWe had a big party for Pirate when he turned one . We had friends and family and a big celebration . He had a Batman cake , which was really Buster 's pick and not Pirate 's ! We didn 't know that he 'd be Batman obsessed within a few years ! Last year when Pirate turned four , it was our second day of vacation in Ocean City . He thought that was the coolest thing in the world , being three when we left for vacation , and being four when we came home . Opening presents at the beach was a plus , too ! This year , Pirate has big plans for his birthday . He 's been counting down since July 1st . This morning he said , " I 've been waiting for my birthday all year ! " . That 's a long time to wait ! Yesterday he was rambling off a list of what he wanted to do for his birthday , including me serving him breakfast in bed and the kids breaking open a Batman pinata . He was up too early for breakfast in bed , so he got a candle in his Poptart and we sang Happy Birthday this morning . We 've never had a pinata , and I don 't plan on starting that tradition today . When Buster gets home , he 's taking Pirate to the pool for a little while . Then we 're going to play Glow golf and do some inflatables and have some cupcakes . Holy cow , it is HOT out there . The high temperature for Baltimore for tomorrow says 109 . That isn 't summer . That 's hell . The last time I checked , it 's around 97 here . It 's just like stifling hot out there . It 's been like this for a week now , and it is brutal . We haven 't gone out of the house during the day all week . I sat on my front porch this afternoon for a few minutes and the cement was burning my butt . I haven 't even wanted to go to the pool . I can see the parking lot from my house , and it has been packed . I don 't like when it 's that crowded . It 's not relaxing , just annoying . I prefer the air conditioned indoors . Yesterday morning , my dad picked up Princess and Pirate and took them to his house to spend the night . Princess has gone there before a bunch of times , but this was Pirate 's first sleepover . He was so incredibly excited ! He normally sleeps with around 75 stuffed animals on his bunk bed . He picked up about 50 of them to take for the sleepover . We were able to narrow it down to two . Thankfully he has an overnight bag and I told him anything he took had to fit in there . Princess is a pro at packing now , so she knew exactly what she was taking . The kids left around 11 : 30 , and suddenly I only had three kids at home . Although Princess and Pirate are the " easiest " to care for , it still made such a difference to only have three kids . Rest time was great because all three little boys slept and I had ' Me Time ' , which unfortunately consisted of doing dishes and folding laundry , but at least it was quiet ! Usually my husband goes to the grocery store Thursday evening after work . He just goes on the way home to get it out of the way so we don 't have to go during the weekend . I am very blessed in the husband department ! Yesterday we had so many leftovers from our 4th of July cookout , he said he would go after work today instead . This morning , he had to get up at 5am to go to work , but was going to get done early , stop at the grocery store , and come home early to start the weekend . At 7 : 30 , he texted me that someone called out and he had to stay through and work the dinner shift . I guess that 's the downside to being the boss . So , since he 's working 13 straight hours today , I thought the least I could do is get the grocery shopping done . Well aware of the fact that it was 300 degrees outside and I 'd have to take three kids three and under with me , I decided it was still better than being at work all day . My original plan was to get out the door by 9 . Even with only three kids here , I couldn 't get my act together , and we didn 't leave until close to eleven . The big kids were going to be home around one , so I had to move it . ThankfuFinally , we made it to the checkout section . For some crazy reason , although the store was crowded , there were only three cashiers open - one of which was an express lane . Clearly this was not an express trip . And doesn 't it figure , as soon I got close enough to start unloading my groceries , two more cashiers open registers . Such is my luck ! The checkout was the hardest part of the trip . Even though this cart was enormous , I could still keep it in the middle of the aisles so that Curly and Trouble couldn 't reach anything on the shelves . But at the checkout , it is very narrow . Trouble was right up on the candy section , touching everything . Curly was reaching for a balloon . Trouble started asking me every two seconds for a balloon , for a pack of M & Ms , for Skittles , for gum , for a different balloon . . . you get the picture . Curly started whining for Goldfish he saw . Superchunk started crying . In my head , I was cursing the cashier for being so nice to the person in front of me that they wanted to have a long conversation . She was super sweet to us too , despite the meltdowns that were beginning . When she was giving me my receipt , she asked if I needed help out to the car . I was tempted to ask if I could get help once I got home , but I didn 't . I pushed the ginormous cart out the door into the sweltering heat and wished I could snap my fingers and be home . After I walked the 10 miles to the van , I loaded the kids back in , piled in the groceries , returned the cart ( smart to park by the cart return ! ) and blasted the A / C . I was beyond a hot mess . Sweat was just pouring off my face . I looked back at the boys , and they seemed completely unphased by the heat . Burger King is in the same shopping center as the grocery store , so I told Trouble I 'd get him some fries for being so good in the store . I knew deep down that the prize was really for me for surviving the store trip ! Driving home , the gas light came on , but I knew I could make it home . No more field trips for today ! When we got home , I took the kids in the house first . ThPosted by Trouble has been potty trained for months , since before Superchunk was born . He 's great about peeing on the potty , tells us when he has to go , doesn 't have accidents , loves underwear , etc . Really for as much trouble as he causes , I was surprised at how quickly he was trained . Pooping is a whole different story . For the life of me , I could not get him to poop on the potty . Buster has way more patience than I do , and he is much more laid back . He has sat in the bathroom on a little stool with Trouble for hours waiting for him to poop . Finally , he went on the potty about a month or so ago . I swear , Buster sounded like he was coaching Trouble through labor the way he was talking to him about pushing the poop out . Since the first time , Trouble has pooped on the potty a total of five times . I know this because there are five stickers on the chart . However , he has not only pooped five times since then . He has pooped in his underwear a ton of times . He has pooped in his Pull - Up a ton of times . And best of all , he has pooped on the floor . I 'll get to that in a second . Every time I think we 're making some progress in the pooping department , Trouble proves me wrong . We will be so excited , get him a prize , put a sticker on the chart , praise him , make it the biggest event in the world when he goes on the potty . But then , the next day or that same night , or whenever he has to go again , he 'll revert back to going in his pants . Such a letdown . We look for all the signs of him having to go and get him on the toilet as soon as we see them . And he sits and sits and sits . Usually , once he goes , he 's good for a couple days . I think he stores it all up because he doesn 't want to deal with having to sit on the potty . Last Friday morning he came in our room and said his tummy hurt . We knew it meant he had to go , so I put him on the toilet and sat with him . We sat and sat and sat until the other kids started asking for breakfast . I put his underwear and shorts on and took him down for breakfast . After the kids ate , he said , " My tummy feel all better " , so he went downstairs to play . While I was cleaning up the kitchen , he came upstairs and said , " Something 's wrong with me . " . I asked him what was wrong , thinking he hurt his leg or foot , and he said , " There 's poop in my Wall - E underwear . " . All that time we spent on the potty , and he went downstairs by the train table and pooped in his pants ! ( He has two pooping spots in the house , the train table in the basement , and next to his bed ) I got him cleaned up and dressed and figured that was it for a couple of days . That night after dinner , we were all in the basement watching ' Wipeout ' , and Trouble was playing with Curly . Pirate was next to me , and I asked him if he farted because I smelled the smell . When he said no , I looked across the room at Trouble who covered his face with his hands . He had taken a dump in his underwear AGAIN , and in the same room as the entire family ! He didn 't even run off to try to do it in private or anything . Must be somethin ' about that train table . Buster looked up some training tips online that night , and one of the tips was to have the child walk around with no pants or underwear on . It said it could take a few days , but they will eventually have to go , and they 'll use the potty . Apparently they like the security of the poop going right into their diaper or underwear and they are scared to let it fall into a potty . I don 't get it , and I don 't remember that with Princess or Pirate , but Trouble is way different than they ever were . So , we tried it . The boy went bottomless all day Saturday . He 's not to the point of wearing underwear overnight yet , although he wakes up dry every morning . I guess this is laziness on my part , because I don 't want to change pee sheets . He wears a Pull - Up to bed . Saturday night , Buster put the big kids to bed while I gave Superchunk his bottle . Buster stayed upstairs for a little while , and I heard him yell , " You have got to be kidding me ! " . Trouble got out of bed and crapped in his Pull - Up . After walking around half - naked all day , and pooping twice the day before , he went right as soon as he had pants on . But what can you do ? Try again the next day . Trouble walked around the house ( thankfully we don 't go anywhere when it 's 500 degrees out ) sans bottoms all of Sunday , Monday , and Tuesday . We did put a Pull - Up on him at bedtime , but even for naps he slept with no bottoms . I 'm pretty sure any other kid would have a problem with this , but he did not . He didn 't poop . Yesterday was the 4th of July , and we were having family over , so we knew he needed to wear pants . But I decided to have him wear shorts with no underwear . That way , if he pooped , it wouldn 't be caught in something , but would fall on the floor . More work for clean - up , but I figured we should at least try it . When it was time for a nap , he kept coming out of his room because we had company . Finally he laid down and looked like he was going to sleep . I was just about to feed the baby when Trouble came running out of his room again and said " Something fall down in my room . " . I thought he pulled his curtains down ( regular occurrence ) so I ran upstairs to put them back up on the wall . The curtains were still up . I asked him what fell , and he pointed around the corner next to his bed . Before I looked , I thought he had pulled down his floor lamp . He said , " That turd just fall right out my shorts . " . Sure enough , there was a turd on the floor , right next to his bed , in his usual pooping spot . And he was freaked out . It scared him that the poop fell onto the floor . Buster dumped the turd and cleaned Trouble , and I cleaned the carpet . Trouble took a nap , and when he woke up he kept talking about the poop on his floor . It really bothered him . Later in the afternoon , Trouble told Buster his tummy hurt and he had to poop . He said he wanted to sit on the potty to go . This was HUGE for us ! Where he has pooped on the potty before , he has never told us he wanted to sit on it and go . He sat down , told Buster to leave the bathroom , and he pooped ! He even said my favorite words , " DADDY , I 'm DONE ! ! " . He said he didn 't want to poop on the floor anymore . He said the turd on the floor scared him . This is major progress ! I don 't know if he 's poop trained for good , as it 's only 24 hours later . Today he 's wearing shorts without underwear again , and I keep reminding him that he has nothing on to catch the poop if he has to go . He may not go for a day or two , but hopefully he will tell us again and use the potty ! I 'm only in my early thirties , and this getting older thing totally sucks already . Why do we have to age ? In my head I feel like I 'm 25 at most . In my head , I also picture myself with the body I had when I was 20 , but that 's another story : ) I know things could be worse , and I also know they will progressively get worse as I get older . I 'll try to stay positive about things , but at the moment this aging thing is getting on my nerves . Here are some things that are bothering me right now that I just don 't understand . 1 . Facial hair - There is no need for women to have a moustache . Or a beard . Or any weird long random hairs on the chin or face in general . Some of the long hairs I find on my face are ridiculous . When I go to get my moustache waxed ( which has become a regular occurrence ) , my lady sometimes asks , " You want whole face ? " . Does my entire face need waxing ? ? And how much would that cost ? Also in the realm of facial hair , my eyebrows now grow in from my eyebrow line to my lash line . Not like a full on fur , but random eyebrows popping up all over my eye lids . Also not attractive . 2 . Gray hair - My hair started turning gray pretty much as soon as I peed on the stick with my first pregnancy , when I was 23 . That is really young to start getting gray hair . It 's not awful , and I don 't have a head full of gray hair , but still . . . gray hair is not attractive on me at my age . Maybe one day I 'll embrace it , but not at age 32 ( or 25 , as I want to be ! ) . 3 . Wrinkles - Again , not acceptable this young . I 'd never do the Botox thing or anything like that , but I 'd still like to have a few ( 20 + ) years before having to deal with lines on my face . I also seem to have a permanent line between my eyebrows , I 'm guessing from frowning and yelling at my kids all the time . 4 . Hard , crusty feeling feet - I know that sounds gross . I hate feet in general . I can tolerate my kids ' feet , but not grown up feet . I have issues with having to see feet on a regular basis at the pool . Don 't get me started on toes , and the length they should be . When I was a kid , I made fun of my mom for having crusty feet . And now , payback is a bitch because I have them too . " Get a pedicure . " seems to be the easy solution . Except they are expensive and I end up with about 2 seconds of soft feeling feet . I try to sand these bad boys down as often as possible and slather on as much lotion or Vaseline as I can . I keep up on painting my toenails , especially in the summer , to try to keep them from being totally gross . But the feeling of the hard pieces skin getting caught on a blanket or the sheets is the worst . Why can 't we all have soft feet ? 5 . Skin - The same applies to the skin on the rest of the body . I look at my babies and how soft and pure their skin is , and I am totally jealous . They have this perfect smooth skin . I have to put lotion on twice a day just to not have ashy looking skin , especially in the summer . Then there are freckles and moles all over . And dark spots . And skin tags . And stretch marks . And cellulite . Seriously , is this all necessary ? The fat parts are my fault , and the stretch marks are courtesy of the five kids . But all of it combined , on one body , is straight up ugly . And I 've seen old people skin . . . I 'm guessing it 's all downhill from here ! 6 . Sagging skin - Maybe it 's gravity . Maybe it 's fat . Maybe it 's age . I don 't know . But my eyelids don 't seem to be where they used to . Is this why people get face lifts ? If you 're a woman , you know your boobs don 't stay in place as you get older . And I 've had five kids , so it 's not a pretty picture . And my butt definitely isn 't where it used to be . I have a birthmark on my upper thigh . When I was a kid , it was on my hip . Between getting fat , getting old , and gravity ( ? ) it has traveled downward on my leg . I guess it will be on my foot by the time I 'm elderly . 7 . Veins - Where did these veins come from ? Has the blood in my body increased dramatically since I was younger ? I know that pregnancy makes veins more visible because there is indeed more blood going through your body to help the baby . However , I still have more visible veins than I did when I was younger . And I have these ugly spider veins on my calves . Spider veins are exactly what they sound like . Maybe I should get more tattoos to cover the ugly parts of my skin . But then my whole body would be covered in tattoos , and they 're expensive too . 8 . Aches and pains - I used to be able to wake up and get out of bed feeling great . Now I have to stretch to feel normal . My knees crack when I walk up the steps . My back is sore after a long day . Or a short day . Or when I wake up in the morning . Sometimes my heels or the balls of my feet hurt . Sometimes they hurt at the same time . I 'm convinced I 'm going to need a walker by the time I 'm 40 . 9 . Metabolism - I think at one point , way , way back , I had some metabolism . I was never a real exercise addict or anything , but I don 't think weight just sat on me like it does now . I know , I need to exercise more . . . or exercise period . And stop eating so damn much food . But I still feel like I was able to burn it off easier when I was younger . I could be wrong . 10 . Bladder control - I know this is a result of having so many babies . And no , I don 't pee my pants or anything like that . But when my kids wanted me to jump for something the other day , there was a little leak . And jumping jacks are out of the question . Which reminds me I need to do my kegels . I should mention that I 'm not as big of a pessimist as I sound in this post . I know there are good things about getting older . I just can 't think of them at the moment ! For some reason , Trouble adds - er to any words that have an L in them . Most words that end in L get - ers added to them . Here are some examples : It 's 39 ! - He yells this whenever the dryer buzzes when the laundry is done . I have no clue what it means . ( Maybe because sometimes I have Princess turn the dryer back on to 40 to run for 40 more minutes . I 'm not sure . ) We work with him to try to fix his mispronunciations . But some are funny . My husband thought it was funny to get him to say ' spagina ' . You get the picture . I 'm a mother of 5 kids , 4 of which are 5 and under . My life seems to revolve around wiping butts and noses . There is never a dull moment in this house of chaos ! |
I have officially been home alone for a day and a half now . I totally miss my family , but I have to admit that there 's something nice about being the only one here . I eat and sleep when I like . I watch whatever I want on tv . I 've had several friends call in the past couple of days , and I can have an uninterrupted conversation with them for as long as I want . It 's like being 23 again . Since I was told to hold off on any cleaning and organizing until the weekend , I 've spent a lot of time either on the computer or watching movies . I 've scrubbed the tub every day after my shower , but that 's about all I 've done for cleaning . I haven 't even loaded my dishwasher . It 's full of clean dishes and I 've been afraid to take them out and put them away . I think this afternoon it might be ok , since it will be 48 + hours at that point . Maybe I 'll wear gloves too . I 'll need to clean my kitchen anyway because I plan to make The Grit spinach and feta lasagna tonight . It 's got pasta ( obviously ) and it 's loaded with cheese - I think it will be the perfect post - low - iodine - diet dinner . I 've already indulged in a bagel with cream cheese this morning , but I think the lasagna will really satisfy all the carb & dairy cravings I 've been having . By the way , if you don 't own The Grit Cookbook you really should . My carnivorous husband enjoys every recipe I make out of it , and I can 't say the same for my other vegetarian cookbooks . Everything in there is crazy delicious . I 'm trying to be careful , not touching too much , lots of hand washing . There 's a quilt draped over my couch and one covering my bed . I 'll wash those on Tuesday along with all the clothes that I 've been wearing . I 've been using a plastic cup to scoop my cat 's food and I 've tried not to pet him too much . He 's usually such a cranky old man and he likes his space . For a few hours yesterday morning though , I felt like I couldn 't get away from him . He kept sitting near me - maybe a foot away . At one point I tried to move my seat , but he just followed me . I tried telling him , ' Hey cat ! Don 't sit so close to me ! You can make yourself sick . ' He just ignored me . He 's stubborn that way . I had gotten the body scan and now it was time to go get my blood drawn again . As my mother and I walked across the street to the Falk Building , I called the husband to let him know about the earlier time . It certainly wasn 't the best news he could have gotten . But he was pretty sure that he could round up the kiddos and get them out of the house by noon . Once my blood was drawn , it was time to head back to nuclear medicine . My mother and I took a detour to the cafeteria to see if there was anything I could eat before I got the RAI dose . I had been told it was best to have something in my stomach , and I had originally expected to have a little bit of time to get something - maybe even go home to eat . The best I could find were some salads that I would have to pick through . It felt like too much of a bother , so we just went to nuclear medicine . They took us back almost right away . I had to meet with a really nice woman who was the RAI safety expert . She went over a lot of stuff that I already knew . There were a couple of things that I asked her about though . First of all , with the whole family out of the house , I had really hoped to get a lot of cleaning and organizing done . Very lame , I know . But this house has been a work in progress and , with a couple of young kids in the mix , it feels like it 's perpetually a mess . The woman who gave me my low - iodine dose yesterday actually teased me a little about it , and said I should just try to enjoy my vacation . As dumb as it sounds though , I would enjoy my vacation more if I could get the cleaning done . I 'd feel really good about that . Well , when I asked about it , I was told that maybe it would be a good idea if I put that off until the weekend . Really , unless I decide to lick everything or pee everywhere ( which would be so weird ) , it should be fine . Especially if I wash my hands a lot . But , to err on the side of caution , I should hold off . I was also told to do anything in the kids ' rooms on the last day or so of isolation . My other question was about food . Was it really ok for me to keep getting stuff in and out of the fridge ? Yes . Well , what if I make a lasagna ( ohmigodicantwait ) and have leftover cheese ? Is that ok to put back ? She didn 't seem too sure about that . I was told it might not be a terrible idea to toss it . Or use all of it in the lasagna and make it extra cheesy . So ! I will now plan to clean out the fridge next Tuesday before everyone gets home . It might be overkill ? But it seems hard to know for sure . The meeting done , I was taken back to get my large dose . It was very anticlimactic . The people in Haz - Mat suits ? Not there . The big - ass lead cup ? Meh . Not so big . The pill was also not too big - the size of a Tylenol maybe . I put on gloves , took the pill , and washed it down with water . I had taken my anti - nausea medication one hour before . I was told that if I did get nauseous it would probably be in the first half hour . One minute in , so far so good . When we pulled up in front of the house I noticed some pink hearts drawn in chalk on the risers of our stairs . I thought , how sweet . The kids were drawing while they waited to leave . When I got up to the walkway though , I saw that they had drawn and written a lot more . In big letters , ' We miss you Mom ' , ' The Boy & The Girl love you Mom ' , and ' Family ' with a picture of all of us decorated the walkway . It was just about the best thing ever . Totally , totally made my day . The kids . They rock my world . My mom picked up her things and headed back to Baltimore . The house was quiet . I had been told to definitely take it easy for the first couple of days . I made myself some matzo crackers with peanut butter & jelly , and settled down in front of the tv . All set for some R & R . Posted by The day started off with good - byes . The boy was sad and near tears . I 've never been apart from the kids - or the husband - for this long of a period . Maybe two days tops ? But six nights is definitely the longest amount of time . Of course , the girl didn 't know what was going on , but she knew something was up . As my mother and I got ready to walk out the door she toddled over , threw her arms up in the air and yelled , ' Mamaaaa ! ' I gave her one more hug , but I still felt terrible as I walked out the door . We got to the hospital and headed to radiology for my scan . It was a little different than the breast scan , but not too much . This time , the side of the machine ( it still looked like a ' cabinet door ' ) that I saw was black with several thin white lines on it . The woman informed me that they would scan my head , neck , and chest first . It would take about ten minutes . The room was dim and it was just after 8 AM . The machine was close to my face , but not really uncomfortable . I closed my eyes . I had stayed up too late with the husband the night before . I wasn 't fully awake . Next came the body scan . First , they send the machine along the length of your body fairly quickly . This trains the machine so it knows how close it can get to you . Then , they start the scan . It goes much slower . The woman said that it goes so slowly , sometimes people don 't even realize that the scan is happening and they get impatient and ask for the scan to start . yeesh . I know these people are sick and might not feel well , but between that and freaking out about cup sizes , maybe some of these people just need to chill . The scan took maybe another ten minutes . Then we were sent down the hall to wait for the doctor . He would come in and discuss the results of the scan . We waited a long time . Like half an hour . My mother was convinced that they had forgotten about us . I didn 't really care - where else did I have to go ? We were scheduled to be in Oakland all day until 1 : 00 PM . It just didn 't matter . The doctor and a resident finally came in . Turns out the results were pretty good . They only detected remaining thyroid cells in the thyroid cavity - where my thyroid used to be until this past May . They weren 't anywhere else , so it didn 't look like anything had spread . So , awesome . The only other thing that they saw was a very faint , small dot in my chest area . He was pretty convinced that it was saliva in my esophagus . Apparently that happens , like 10 - 15 % of the time . It might even still be there next week when I get my follow up . He wasn 't concerned , but said that they would keep an eye on it . He went over a lot of stuff that I already knew about the radioactive iodine ( RAI ) dose . One thing he mentioned that was new was when to go off the diet . Everyone , ( including the safety expert I would meet with later ) , said that I could go off my diet 24 hours after I received the RAI . He said that was fine , if I really couldn 't wait . However , he always felt that it was better to wait just a little bit longer , and he would recommend that I not go off the low - iodine diet until Friday morning . gah . What a drag . His view was , since the thyroid cells stop absorbing the RAI as soon as you start eating food with iodine in it ( cold iodine , he called it ) , it 's better to give the thyroid cells as much time as possible to absorb the RAI . Fine . I can wait one more day for cheese . I guess . To wrap up , I was told that a RAI dose of 150 mci had been decided upon . Both he and my endocrinologist felt that was best . Also , my dose time was moved from 1 : 00 PM to noon . Someone had a meeting and they were trying to get everything done earlier . The family would have to leave town a little sooner than expected . My appointment this morning wasn 't until 10 : 30 , and it was only for a Thyrogen shot . I couldn 't justify parking in the garage for that . I can be pretty cheap about parking . I 'll drive around and around neighborhoods looking for street parking to avoid meters or garages . Near the hospitals though , there 's not much opportunity for that . I parked at a meter roughly a block away and went to get my shot . The guy assured me that he remembered me from the day before , but he had to ask for my name and birthdate anyway . ' Who would come in two days in a row for a shot in the butt if they didn 't have to ? ' , he joked . Yeah . I guess so . The way back to the car was all uphill . And a steep hill at that . The whole way up I walked by person after person smoking cigarettes . I can 't remember the last time I saw so many people in one place smoking . Doctors , patients , maintenance workers , nurses , visitors , all up and down Lothrop St . I even passed a meter maid taking a long drag while she wrote a ticket . How could all these people smoke and manage that fucking hill every day ? It was crazy . I have a few friends who still smoke and I 'm fine with it , but I 'm amazed at how many people still smoke . The cost alone would have made me quit by this point . I went back in the afternoon for an appointment with nuclear medicine . The woman who took me back was really nice . She was there to talk with me about my scan the next day . She also had a low dose of iodine to give me . It was for the scan , so they would be able to see where thyroid cells still were in my body . The hope would be that everything was taken out and that nothing had spread . This iodine was equivalent to the amount of radiation you might get on an airplane . Totally safe to be around everyone . Unlike the dose I would get Wednesday . I was told not to worry when I saw the ' big - ass ' lead cup that my large dose would be presented in . ' Some people freak out about the size , ' I was told . Honestly , I was just highly amused that she used the phrase big - ass with me . I guess it 's good that I don 't look like someone who would be offended by that phrase ? Or maybe she doesn 't care and says that to everyone anyway . The rest of the day was spent getting ready for isolation . The boy and I went grocery shopping together . I bought lots of cheese . Ohmigod , how I miss the cheese . And the bread . But I think I miss the cheese more . We went home and tried to work on laundry , packing , all those things you need to do before you go away on a trip . The husband would be taking off with the kids while I was at the hospital the next day . It felt very strange . I was going to miss them terribly . At some point over this past weekend , I started to get anxious about the week ahead . As happy as I was that the week was finally here and that I would get to actually have the treatment over with , there was also a feeling that it was finally here . How painful would it be ? How exhausting ? How nauseating ? Of course , my large dose isn 't until Wednesday . But I was still worried about the beginning of the week . Shots ! Hospitals ! gah . So , for all my weekend build up , today was fairly anti - climactic . My mother arrived last night . Part of the reason that she 's here is to hang out with the kids while I go to my appointments . So , I took off for the hospital by myself this morning , and on the way indulged in a little Hello Nasty at top volume . Nothing like some Beastie Boys at 8 : 30AM to calm my nerves and kick off a week of medical appointments . I got to the hospital just in time . It started off with a blood draw . They were testing several different things , but the most important seemed to be the pregnancy test . I learned something from the phlebotomist today . If you need to have your blood drawn , be sure to drink some water before you go . Even a little bit of dehydration - like I had today from only drinking black coffee before the appointment - can make it difficult to find good veins for the draw . It had me worried , but it wasn 't nearly as terrible as the phlebotomist led me to believe . I prepared myself for her stabbing me over and over because she couldn 't find a vein . Then it ended up no worse than any other blood draw that I 've ever had . I had to stick around for an hour just for the pregnancy test results . I understand why they can 't just take your word for it , but seriously . Not at all pregnant . sigh . I knew that I 'd be there for a while today though , so I brought and started reading Cleopatra . ( I 'm only about twenty pages in , but so far , a good read . The author is certainly sympathetic to her subject . ) Of course , the results came back negative for pregnancy . Shortly after the results were in I was called back to receive my first Thyrogen injection . For no good reason , I went back with the mindset that this was going to be awful ! And painful ! I was getting the shot in my ass , further convincing me that this was going to suck . . . And then it was over . Honestly , barely felt it . I mentally rolled my eyes at myself . All that worry ? Seriously ? I think I 'm just on edge about the week ahead . All the doctor 's appointments , the large RAI dose on Wednesday , my family leaving me for a week . It will all be fine , and I know this , but that doesn 't mean that it 's not stressing me out . Yesterday was day one for me on the low - iodine diet . I won 't go into all the restrictions - you can find a complete list of them here . I 'll tell you what I 've been eating , and what I plan to eat . It hasn 't been as bad as I thought it would be . Maybe a little bland , but that 's my fault since you can have most herbs and spices . I should really be trying to get more creative . Breakfast has been good , actually . Probably my favorite meal of the day . Oatmeal with cinnamon and blueberries . I miss having a little milk in my coffee , and I find that I drink less of it when it 's black . Maybe I 'm more tired and cranky than usual ? I can 't really decide . Maybe the kids are just making me crazy and the extra caffeine wouldn 't help me anyway . Lunch has been the same for the past two days . A green salad with tomatoes and chicken , with olive oil , vinegar , and pepper . Tastes good , but not overly filling . I 've been having fruit with it . Today I also had some carrots with unsalted peanut butter . That was actually way more delicious than what I expected . The peanut butter was by Golden Organics and it was delicious . So creamy , that I didn 't miss the salt at all . Yesterday I also snacked on raw cashews - definitely need to be spiced up . I was not expecting them to be so bland and chewy . I found a recipe for roasting them in the oven with some spices . I may try that tomorrow , or I may just make cashew hummus . I also snacked on matzoh crackers - very bland and I will be spreading peanut butter ( or cashew hummus ? ) on them from here on out . Last night for dinner I had chicken , chard , and a peeled potato mashed with a little sweet curry powder . It was ok . Part of my problem is that I don 't usually eat chicken anyway , and I 'm remembering now that I don 't actually like it that much . My husband cooked up a couple of chicken breasts for me though , and I feel like I need to finish them . The diet limits you to 6 ozs . of fresh meat a day , so I probably won 't finish the chicken until tomorrow . I might try turkey meat for the rest of the diet instead . I don 't know that I can rely on egg whites and unsalted peanut butter for my sole protein sources . Tonight it 's an egg white omelet with some spinach - I may skip the chicken . Thankfully you can still drink on this diet . It would be sad indeed if I couldn 't wash this stuff down with a glass of wine . Posted by To get ready for my radioactive iodine treatment , I need to go on a low - iodine diet . I 'll be starting that tomorrow , Tuesday . There is a lot that you can 't have on a low - iodine diet . So , what I wanted to do this past weekend was go out to dinner and enjoy some food that I won 't be able to eat while I 'm on the diet . We went out Saturday night . We decided to get some Indian food in Oakland . We headed over to Atwood Street , which has lots of great ethnic restaurants , including this one , which is our favorite place in the city to grab Indian food . It 's always good and it 's a pretty easy place to take the kids . Parking along Atwood was no problem , because it 's early August , and the Pitt students haven 't come back yet for the new school year . The food was delicious . The husband got chicken curry , the boy got Tandoori chicken , and I got palak paneer , which I almost always get . Very predictable . We also split orders of naan and a vegetarian platter . The girl ate a little bit off of everyone else 's plate , but mostly had rice . Toward the end of dinner she started to get restless . I walked her to the front of the restaurant a couple of times , but the guys were still eating and she was starting to get shrieky . We went outside . It was a really nice night , very warm and summery . The shop next to India Garden recently became a Latino market , and there was a bunch of guys outside eating taquitos from a cart . The husband came outside , we threw our leftovers in the car , and then walked up the street to my most favorite ice cream shop anywhere . A million years ago , when I worked in Oakland , stopping at Dave & Andy 's was a big deal . I love their ice cream , I love the shop , and I 'm so glad that I get to share it with my kids now . The guys got cookies & cream , and the girl and I split some strawberry shortcake . Big chunks of strawberries and bits of shortbread cookie . Serious perfection . Just like the whole evening . When we got back to the car the boy said , ' Well family , I had a great time tonight . How about you all ? ' Agreed . It was most excellent . I had a difficult time this spring keeping my perspective . Between the cancer diagnosis , and then the revelation of the BRAF mutation , I did a good bit of feeling sorry for myself . Cancer is a powerful word , and it packs a mean punch . Even if you know that your cancer is one of the easiest to cure , and that you stand a greater chance of survival than most , it 's hard not to worry and think about worst case scenarios . That changed for me in the middle of June . I was taking a walk with the girl when we ran into a neighbor . During our conversation , she mentioned how badly she felt for the family that lived two doors down from us . I told her I didn 't know what she was talking about . ' Oh , ' she said , ' he has cancer . I can 't remember what kind . Skin cancer , maybe ? But he 's really sick . He came to the block party and only stayed for like , two minutes . He looked awful . ' Two things crossed my mind . One , I was really glad that we had hardly told anyone about my cancer . This family didn 't need to hear that someone in the neighborhood also had cancer , but that she was going to be just fine . And , two , this news was terrible . We 're friends with only a few of our neighbors , and we don 't know this family well at all . What I did know was that he was younger than us ( 39 , as it turns out ) , and that he has a wife and three young kids - roughly eight , six , and two years old . It was terrible . Over the last six weeks , anytime I have started to feel badly about my situation , I have thought of him and the pain he has had to go through . Not just physically , but emotionally . How many times did he look at his sons and think about not watching them grow up , think about the times he wouldn 't get to spend hanging out with his boys ? How many times did he look at his daughter and think about how he wouldn 't be around to look out for her , and watch her turn into the young woman she will become ? I imagine these were the thoughts going through his mind , because they certainly went through mine before I realized how likely it was that I probably would get to do these things . He probably never had that luxury . Things took a turn for the worse last Monday . He passed away that morning . The husband thought that something must be happening because he saw a Catholic priest go to their house Sunday night and leave about ten minutes later . My next door neighbor called me the following day to tell me the news . At first I wasn 't sure about going to the funeral home . We really weren 't more than neighbors and I would have to have the girl with me at the funeral home . Also , I 'm really not a fan of viewings . I was raised Catholic , and I 've been to maybe ten or twelve viewings in my lifetime . My Methodist grandfather had a memorial service - honestly I think those are a much better way to go . However , I ended up changing my mind Tuesday morning . He was a neighbor and I decided that the very least I could do was pay my last respects . The place was packed , but we were still in and out in ten minutes . I signed the guest book , knelt at his coffin , and spoke with his wife . I didn 't know anyone else there . I came home and made myself a drink . The summer afternoon had been sunny and pleasant . Not at all what it should have been like for a young father who lost his life to an aggressive cancer . Later , I ran into neighbors who had also gone to the funeral home . They had also felt they need for a drink when they left . As my neighbor said , ' It just stinks ' . Tuesday morning went so much more smoothly . It was amazing . I knew how to navigate the garage and the hospital . I didn 't need to ask anyone for directions . I got to my appointment on time . Knowing where you 're going makes life a hell of a lot easier . I sat in the waiting room and realized that I was feeling a little nervous . I was pretty sure that I was no longer lactating , but I had just enough doubt . What if I still was and we had to re - schedule the treatment , postpone everything ? It would be such a hassle - the husband would have to rearrange things with work and his parents . The boy might even be back in school . What a mess . I put it out of my mind when the tech came out to get me . He was pretty friendly , although he did make a point to tell me that the doctor would want to talk with me after my breast scan , and she was pretty chatty . Of course , she was chatty because she was the only female doctor in the department . heh . He seemed like a nice enough guy otherwise , though , so I thought it would be best to let this one slide . He took me into the imaging room . I had to lay down on a sort of bed . It looked like it would slide into what was maybe an MRI machine ? But I wasn 't there for a full body scan . Just my boobs . So , no sliding into a machine for me . ' This will come close to you , but I promise it won 't hit you , ' I was told , as a big piece of metal came at me slowly . It looked like a thick , metal cabinet door . I laid there for ten minutes while it took images of my breasts from the front . Next it was time for side images . Two metal doors slid down on either side of me . I had to put my arms above my head . I lay there looking at the metal slabs , wondering how they were taking images of the inside of my breasts . These weren 't x - rays and I couldn 't see a camera . Obviously they were able to take images because of the iodine . I just had no idea how . When it was over , the tech was ready to take me down to the doctor 's office so she could go over the results with me . You get the results immediately , which is great . Before we could leave the room though , the doctor appeared . She told me that everything looked good . ' There 's very little iodine , so it 's safe to proceed with your treatment as planned . ' And that was it . Was that what passed for chatty in this department ? Must be pretty quiet around here . As the tech walked me back to the waiting room he said he 'd only ever seen one test come back positive , and he was pretty sure that the woman hadn 't actually stopped breastfeeding . ' Really , if you stop six weeks before like they tell you to , you should be ok . ' True that . When I left Radiology Monday morning , I had been urged to call the woman at Nuclear Medicine . Apparently , she really needed to finish going through some paperwork with me . Funny , because when I got home I had an email from Dr . E 's nurse telling me the same thing . The woman at Nuclear Medicine told her that she had tried to contact me several times and I wasn 't returning her calls . This wasn 't true and I hate being accused of something that I didn 't do . I know it 's cliche , but I 'm a big believer in taking responsibility for my actions . So when someone thinks I did something that I didn 't do , I get rather indignant . Because I would so totally own up to it if I did do it . Anyway , me and my rotten attitude called the woman at Nuclear Medicine . She answered the phone right away . When I told her who I was she said she 'd been trying to get in touch with me , and that she had left me messages in June and July . ' I don 't know what numbers you called , but I never got the messages at home or on my cell . ' I was bracing myself for her to give me a hard time , but she didn 't . Clearly she had better things to do than argue with me over missed phone messages . Actually , she ended up being very nice for the rest of our conversation . First she walked me through the calendar , letting me know what would happen when . The good news was that I wouldn 't have to go off my thyroid meds at all during the treatment . I 'd read where people had to go off of their Synthroid and it just added to their misery . I had also been prescribed an anti - nausea medication , Ondansetron , because the radioactive iodine ( RAI ) will often make people sick . I would bring this with me , take it an hour before getting my RAI dose , and then continue to take it every 6 - 8 hours for the first 24 hours of my treatment . Other things to remember once I 'd received the RAI - wash hands frequently , shower daily , and drinks lots of fluids . Even Gatorade , which I never drink , but they want patients to avoid getting sick from drinking too much water . Also , about 24 hours after I receive the RAI , I 'm supposed to start sucking on Lemon Drops , or some other type of sour candy , and continue for at least three days . This will stimulate my salivary glands and , hopefully , prevent the iodine from settling in there and causing future problems . Fun ! But it did remind me of this : Dr . E 's nurse had told me that she would have the woman at Nuclear Medicine confirm the dates of my breast scan by July 27 . When I didn 't hear from her I started to worry . Of course , this happened to me at 4 PM on a Friday , because I can 't possibly worry about things in a timely manner . First I tried calling Dr . E 's office , but I needed to ' know my extension ' and I didn 't have that information in front of me . Then I tried calling the woman at Nuclear Medicine , but I only got her voice mail . Her office hours ended at 4 : 30 , so I didn 't bother leaving a message . There was practically no chance I 'd hear from her before the weekend . Then I did something crazy - I read the fucking paperwork that Nuclear Medicine had sent me . And that is where the information about my breast scan was . Right there on the first page . Of course , everything was dated chronologically , except for those two dates , making it sort of easy to miss . But it was there . I had to be there the following Monday and Tuesday mornings at 9 AM . This meant a panicked phone call to the husband to see if he could go in late to work on those days ( he could ) . And another panicked phone call to a parent at my son 's school . We had a school - related meeting scheduled at 9 AM on Monday . I told her that I would be late . Totally fine . No problem . Monday morning I left in what I thought was plenty of time to get to Oakland . There were a few things I didn 't count on . First , 8 : 30 AM traffic sucks . At least on Fifth Ave . Second , I was parking in a different garage than I had for my last few doctor appointments in Oakland . I parked in the hospital garage , but it took a few floors to find parking and I was completely on the other side of the garage from the elevators . Finally , when I got off the elevators , I had no clue where I was . I stopped at an information desk . They explained how to get to another information desk , where they could tell me how to get to Radiology . gah . The first leg of my journey involved a pedestrian walkway between hospitals ? I think . And a set of elevators . When I got to the second information desk , the very friendly lady told me to take another set of elevators then ' it 's a right , straight , right , and you 're at Radiology ! ' . Only that was wrong . It was a left , straight , right . I found that out because I went the wrong way first . So , I was fifteen minutes late to my appointment . Being a Monday morning and all , the waiting room was packed . I sat and watched lots of people get called in before me . Even people who had checked in after me . Clearly , I thought , I am being punished for showing up late . Which meant I sort of just had to suck it up . Finally , after forty five minutes , a guy came out to get me . We walked back to a room where I was left to sit while he went to get the iodine . When he came back there it was , in two small capsules . It was a low dose . I would take the iodine and when I came back the next day , they would take images of my breasts to see how much iodine was taken up . If it was a lot , that would tell them that I was still lactating . But if it was little to none ( what I was hoping for ) that would mean treatment could proceed . So that was it ! Lost for fifteen minutes , waiting for forty five , all so I could spend two minutes with a guy I just met while I took two low dose iodine capsules . What a perfect start to the week . I realized that I had no idea if a high number meant hyperthyroid or hypothyroid ( turns out it 's hypothyroid ) . I had to know so I looked it up . Then I got a call later that day from my doctor 's office explaining the results and letting me know that my Synthroid dose would be going up to 125 mcg . I thought , this will be great . I 'd already been feeling pretty good on 100 mcg , so I thought I would be feeling even better on 125 mcg . Strangely , that wasn 't the case . I felt more tired and more bloated than I had before . By the time we finished dinner every evening I was exhausted . Clothes that had fit me pretty well at the beginning of the summer were starting to get tight ( I realize this could also have been a side effect of weaning ) . I couldn 't believe that I felt worse . I tried looking it up online to see if it was normal . Maybe it was just my body adjusting to a new dosage ? I couldn 't find any information one way or another . This went on for about a week . Then one morning I woke up feeling more like myself again . My energy level is now ( mostly ) back to normal and I 'm feeling a little less bloated than I had been . I don 't think I 'm 100 % yet , which I 'm going to guess means I 'm still hypothyroid . I have an appointment at the end of August to follow up on my Synthroid dose . Maybe they 'll bump it up again and I 'll feel even better . The first week of July marked six weeks since I first received my Synthroid prescription . For a while I will need to go every six weeks and get a blood test to make sure the dosage is correct . It was time for my first test . I had both kids with me . The boy is usually pretty great at being a big brother , and I told him I would need him to watch his sister while I had the blood work done . The last time I had blood work done , I took her by myself and it was awful . She screamed so loud watching me get blood drawn , that people in the waiting room thought that she was the patient . I was hoping to avoid that this time . The waiting room was packed , and people were grumbling that they had been waiting for a long time . I was determined to get my blood work done that morning though , The boy started camp the following week and I didn 't want to bring the girl by myself again . The kids were pretty good about playing together and staying entertained . And I 'd been smart enough to bring snacks - something I don 't always remember to do . A woman two seats over from me was watching my kids . She looked like she was in her fifties ? Maybe younger . She had an 80 's hairdo and a raspy smoker 's voice . Her name was Tina . She commented on what a good brother the boy was , and how nice he was with his sister . It was true . I thanked her . ' My older brother always looked out for me too , ' she said . ' Of course , I fell in with the wrong crowd in junior high . It was all over for me then . I got into drugs and it took me a long time to get out . I really let my family down . ' So sad . And yet , at the same time , way more than I needed to know while I had my kids with me waiting for a blood test ! I nodded sympathetically and hoped that they would call Tina in soon , since she was there before me . A couple of people couldn 't wait anymore , so they left , which meant a shorter wait , eventually . Tina took a call from her boyfriend and argued with him , loudly . When she hung up she apologized to everyone in the waiting room . ' He just makes me so mad sometimes ! ' Right then . No one took the bait and asked her what was wrong . Most people stared at the walls . I watched my kids . Finally , an employee who had been on an early lunch break came back . The other employee was happy to see her . ' My last patient passed out back there half an hour ago ! ' she said . ' I 've been waiting for you to get back and help out here . ' So . We were all sitting around because someone passed out . Because they don 't like needles ? Or blood ? It just seemed like the office should have had a better way to deal with that . Since most of their business is drawing blood . When it was finally my turn , the girl wouldn 't let me out of her sight . The boy had to come back with us and try to distract her while they took my blood . She screamed like crazy the whole time . I kept apologizing to the phlebotomist . The passed out guy was probably a picnic compared to us . My blood drawn , I hurried my kids out of there . I 'm sure no one was sad to see us go . The boy had been so awesome all morning , that I took him out for lunch afterward and he got chocolate chip pancakes and that was just fine . He totally earned those pancakes . |
I went galloping into work like I usually do , one step ahead of late , and I threw on my vest and headed for the register . I saw a picture of a kid , a good looking teenager , tanned with brilliant blue eyes and the stance of an athlete . I saw that they were holding a benefit for him . I studied him a minute . He went to the high school that all of mine graduated from , and I wondered if Cara knew him . The poster said they were raising money for his medical expenses . Gary knows everybody . I never have seen the likes of it , so when we had a quiet moment , I said , " What 's the story with that boy they are having the benefit for . " And Gary shook his head . " It 's a good friend of Ike 's , " he said , naming yet another coworker . " They thought he had the flu . He had spinal meningitis . He lived , but he 's got the mind of a five year old . " I stared in horror . I cannot stop thinking about that . I always thought that the death of a child would be the most terrible thing ever , but I seriously cannot imagine anything like staring into the face of your son every day , at the same time knowing that you will never talk with that teenager again . I was working when a man that I once thought I loved came in . He has come in before , and sometimes , he seems as if he would like to speak , but he doesn 't , and so I don 't either . He is someone who was important to me for a time , but he decided that he did not want to be in a relationship after all , and he left . He called and said that he 'd made a terrible mistake , and the relationship resumed . He changed his mind within a matter of days , and was gone . Amazingly , he called once more , but by then , I was able to say , " No . You just want what you do not have , and once you have me , you will not want me . " I had grieved bitterly for a time , but came to discover that I didn 't lose anything . I never had it . It was an illusion . Tim turned out to be the real deal . I know that I am lucky and I do not look back . This time , the man did speak to me , and I answered him . We exchanged hellos and there was a space . There really wasn 't anything to say . I looked at him , and he looked at me , and then he moved to the door . He stopped and turned and said something . " What ? " I asked . He repeated himself . " When did you discover that you were a writer ? " he asked . I answered , " I always was , I guess . " He likes to read my articles , he said , and then he headed for the the door once again . I watched him leave the store , and I thought about it . That 's the truth of it , I suppose . I 've always been a writer . He left before he knew who I was . How strange to think that he probably knows more about me now than he ever did , but I understand him no better than I did fifteen years ago . Today I became aware that all of us in the class are stretched just about as tightly as we can be stretched . We had a good group ' vent ' today . I have to say that I didn 't give a rat 's ass many , many times today . I swore , mightily at one point . Everyone laughed and commismerated and I knew that I was not alone . On the way home , it was warm . I drove with the window down and I sang ' My Sharona ' . Loudly . And I danced in the driver 's seat . I came home and I put the finishing touches on my two projects , and I packed my bag for tomorrow . I 've been sick with exhaustion for the past week because I 've been waking up in the night and worrying about all the stuff I have to do . Now I am going to bed because it is 10 : 30 and I 'm pooped . I 'll say it once again . I don 't give a rat 's patootie . I 've only got three more weeks of school . I can see the end of this semester . I 've got a notion that I 'm going to sleep like a rock tonight . Posted by Easter was nice . Signing the papers for our house on Thursday . That project I worked on last Wednesday ? The one that I almost didn 't do because I was so busy ? It took first place a meaningless class contest . Made me glad I didn 't blow it off as I was so tempted to do . Tim 's dad is very ill in intensive care . Got three more projects done . Got a presentation partly done . My mom 's in a nursing home for the time being . Her goal is to get out of there and home . This summer , I 'll have more time to help her . Someone want to come and help me fold and iron laundry ? Maybe wash a dish or two ? * crickets * Dear heavens , it is snowing again . I am whining again . Is there a correlation ? You can bet on it . We watched The King 's Speech last night . It was excellent . I had a busy night at work . Crazy busy . The manager spoke with me again about becoming a team leader . You know , I 'm more pleased than I can say that I am considered by my peers to be management material . A year ago , I 'd have been all over that . But things have changed and I am in school . For the first time in a long time , I feel like I have choices . I have chosen to stay the course . Still though , it is nice to feel respected . Posted by I 've had a damaged tooth for twenty years now , right in the front . I was never happy with it , but I never did anything about it . It was one of those things that was not a necessity . It was pure vanity . It seemed selfish . Today , my tooth was fixed . I 'm surprised at how glad I am about that . Last night I curled up in a warm bed with my book . It 's detailed and gives you the notion that you are looking into a world that vanished long ago . It 's a pleasant read . I fell to sleep after just a few chapters , and it probably was good that I did . I needed the sleep . I do lose focus when I am harried and tired . I woke up this morning to discover that the forecasted snow is just the lightest trace of snow . I 'm kind of good with that . I have just one class , and it lasts only an hour and 15 minutes . I 've got a few errands to take care of and then I am home . It is Tim 's birthday today , although we are celebrating it tomorrow , when everyone is off . Posted by Been a discouraging day . Not any one thing , not really . The weather sucks , chance of rain tuning to snow tonight . * sigh * And there appears to be a glitch in the signing of the new house . There 's some incomplete paperwork that the bank refuses to tidy up . Our lawyer said he needs to speak with us . That doesn 't bode well . * sigh * You know that project that I whipped out last night ? I met with my group this morning , showed them what I had . Everyone claimed to be pleased , but I overheard a complaint later . I am confused . Truly . No one met . No one responded to e - mail , save the girl who 'd found a video . Yet she complained to another that it had been ' thrown together the night before ' . She went to her dorm room and refused to take part . I feel old and foolish and ashamed , but yet I 'm not sure why . * sigh * Brianna commented tonight that she doesn 't want William to grow up in a house with fighting , like she did . It 's the truth . My last marriage was not a good one . I told her that I was glad she was taking action in her own life , because if she failed William , that failure would haunt her for the rest of her life . I 'm glad to see her stepping up to the plate , yet ashamed of my own failures too . * sigh * I have had the disconcerting experience of being embarrassed to speak in class . It feels as if the teacher is deliberately misunderstanding what I am saying . We were talking about anxiety disorders , and he talked about the fact that sometimes people fake anxiety disorders to get meds . I commented that perhaps medication should not be the treatment of choice . . . and he said , " So , if someone comes in psychotic and delusional you don 't think they should be medicated . Interesting . " Surprised , I said , " Um . I thought we were talking about anxiety . . . " And he said , " Oh . You 're talking about anxiety . " I tried to continue , because I felt like I 'd look stupid if I stopped right where I was . I started again . " If a person has anxiety issues and you prescribed some sort of group therapy , if they did have anxiety they 'd be willing to try it . . . Debby This is the last big push . Tomorrow is the big day to turn in the position paper I 've been working on for some time . I 've put in two late nights on it . I spent 2 hours on it at school . I spent a couple more hours on it here at home . It is done , and placed in a folder with my stack of references . That was a relief . I turned my attention to my presentation tomorrow . It is supposedly a group project , but no one has met from our group . Out of five people , one girl volunteered to use her laptop to play a video . That was it . The presentation is supposed to explain what OT is . ( April is Occupational Therapy month . ) We had five groups for the five senses . My group is doing vision . I just got three blind folds , and a large shirt . I 'm taking a teapot , a cup , some teabags , pencils , paper . I 'm going to have a volunteer perform three ordinary tasks while blindfolded . After we have a very good laugh ( I 've got some little tricks up my sleeve to make sure that the person has some trouble with the tasks ) , we 'll talk about what an Occupational Therapist would be doing for our volunteer . I 'll give a brief overview of the need for independence that almost all of us have , and that my job will be to help my clients live as normal a life as possible no matter what their disability . Short , sweet , to the point , but entertaining as well . I 'm done . I have projects I could be working on for next week ( the fun never ends ! ) but I am tired . Beat . I am going to bed and curling up with my latest find at the second hand book store . It is a paperback book , a reprint of ' Malcolm ' written by George McDonald , orginally published in 1875 . MacDonald was the favorite author of C . S . Lewis . Most intriguing to me ? The book has a stamp in it . It was bought at the Keswick Book Shop , Portal House , Bandi St , Nairobi . The story is interesting , but I find myself longing to know the story of the book itself . How do you suppose that it got all the way to a thrift shop in a small town in northwestern Pennsylvania ? Oh , if only that book could talk ! It 's been a struggle keeping up with things , but I 'm doing it . Just barely . I 've got a prensentation to do as well as a major paper due . Tomorrow . The major paper ? It needs to be restructured . I think that I know how I am going to do it . I 've got to finish the references . The presentation ? I don 't have a bit of it done . It will be another late night . Yesterday at work , I was golden . You ever have one of those days when everything just clicks ? It did for me . It just seemed like every time the manager was gnashing his teeth over something , I was able to figure it out . ( Truth be told , it was probably because I had more time to devote to solving the problem . He was busier than a one armed paper hanger . Still , though , it made me feel good . " Hey , Ike ? I 'm golden ! " He 's a lot of fun to work with . His mustache would twitch , and his eyebrows would go up , and he 'd say , " Way to go ! Awesome ! " At the end of the night , walking across the parking lot to our vehicles , he thanked the cashier and I multiple times . It was a big night , and we had worked together really well . Got a lot done . Wish I 'd have a day like that at school . * sigh * We sell a sign at the store . It has an outhouse on it , and it reads : ' This is the only place I know what I 'm doing . ' I need to get that . Just Friday , I was feeling very comfortable in my own skin . I felt good about my week 's worth of tests . After months of being able to see no further ahead than the next paper or the next test , I found myself feeling as if I could see clear straight through to graduation . I felt positive and sure of myself . I told Tim about this , and he just smiled like he does , and said something to the effect of " I knew that you could do it . " The next day , as I hunkered over my computer pounding out yet another paper , he came in the door carrying a pot of star gazer lillies . " What are those for ? " I asked , peering over the top of my reading glasses . And he told me that they were for me , for doing so well on my tests . Was that not the sweetest thing ever ? Today , I got on line , and saw that my Anatomy and Physiology Lab quiz from last Tuesday was graded and posted . I confidently checked my grade . It hadn 't been a hard test . I didn 't think so anyway . . . . . . until I saw the grade . I got a 79 . 2 % Baby ? You 'd better give those flowers to someone else . Yesterday , I had a big test in Anatomy and Physiology . I was just sick about it , studied and studied . I was so tired , and I had a splitting headache , and so I went to bed , finally , and I did not feel good about things . I felt like I needed to keep on studying . Even worse , I lay in bed and definitions kept running through my mind . I recited processes to myself . Facts and figures and well . . . I got up the next morning , and I was so tired that I still had my headache . I left the house early , got to the lecture hall early , and I studied . Still , I did not feel all that confident about it . Taking it , I completed the first page , and I thought , " Well , at least I did well on the first page . " 3 pages later , I was amazed . I had completed the test , and it was not hard . I probably shouldn 't say it out loud , lest I jinx myself , but I think that I did well on it . Today , I had two more tests , one a midterm . I still had my shortsleeped headache , and I studied , but I was tired . Again , I got to school early , and I studied in the empty classroom , but you know , again , I was not feeling good about it . The midterm ? I have to say when I first glanced at it , I almost fell out of my chair . It looked like a mindbender . I took a deep breath and I swallowed my panic , and I began to read the first question . I thought about it , and realized that all I was doing was applying all that I had learned to new situations . That 's all . One question at a time , I thought carefully , and I selected my answer . I spent a lot of time thinking , and when I was done , I did not go back over it . And when school was over , I walked to my car . This has been a rough week . I 've had a total of four tests , I have been worried about my mother , ( she 's still in ICU ) and I have been worried about Cara ( can you say ' Canadian schizophrenic with a knife ' ? ) But today , walking across the parking lot in the warm spring sunshine , today , for the very first time , I looked squarely at this school thing , and I realized that I 'm doing well . I realized that , for all my worrying , I 'm going toDebby I 've got three tests coming up . One tomorrow . Two on Friday . It 's such a lot to know . Right now , I have a headache , and I figure that the best thing I can do for myself is go to bed , digest this stuff , and get up early tomorrow morning and go over it once again with a fresh mind . Tomorrow night , I 'll come home and once again , I 'll hit it hard for the two tests on Friday . I am overwhelmed , and I don 't imagine you 'll be hearing much from me for the next couple days . The one thing that I wish more than anything is that I could pull all nighters . I could use the extra study time , but what I know about myself is that when I 'm tired , I might just as well go to bed , because I am retaining nothing . It 's times like these when I question my own sanity . . . whatever made me think that heading back to college was a good idea ? But we dissected sheep eyes in Anatomy and Physiology lab . At first , I was squeamish , cutting into an eyeball , but then once inside , locating all the things listed in my lab manual , I found myself fascinated . I 'd never seen the inside of an eyeball before . I studied the retina . I studied the lens . I looked inside the ciliary body and saw the iris , and the pupil in the middle of it . Lucky that I have moments like that . . . it reminds me why heading back to college was a good idea . Yesterday at Tractor Supply , a couple came in and they were buying things for a puppy . A kennel , a soft bed , bowls , puppy food , a little collar and a matching leash . " What kind of puppy did you get ? " And they looked at each other and laughed . " We got a Puerto Rican puppy . " Turns out that their veterinarian had gone on her honeymoon to Puerto Rico . While there , she found three starving puppies . She couldn 't bear to leave them behind , so she gathered them up and brought them to their hotel room . They had no dog food , so that first night , she fed them trail mix , and the poor starving things wolfed it down . And so they were named Almond and Peanut and the name of some other nut that I cannot remember . Come time to leave , they discovered that they could only bring two of the three home with them , so in a canine version of Sophie 's Choice , they picked two to come home . Amazingly , they flew someone to Puerto Rico for the third puppy , who is on his way home even as I write . " That 's a nice story , " I said as I walked with them to the door to lock up for the night . " Bring Almond with you when you come back . I 'd sure like to meet her . " My mother continues to improve although she is still in Intensive Care . I feel like Cara is safe now , and I am much relieved . There is no snow in the long range forecast . I see daffodils on the way to school . We should have the keys to our new house by the end of the week . Many nice things happening . Lucky , lucky me ! Yesterday , it was in the mid - seventies here . aaaaaaaaaand , there 's no snow forecasted in the 10 day outlookLast night , my mother opened her eyes , and began to respond . Today , I have a midterm . I 'm not as prepared for it as I should be . I tried , but I was very tired . But did I mention that it was in the mid - seventies here yesterday ? There are people who should probably not bother to have a cell phone . * raises hand * Cara bought me one , a little trac phone . She was frustrated after a mixup at work , when they called to see why I wasn 't there , and she couldn 't call me to find out why I wasn 't there . I had said , " I can 't be there at - - o ' clock . I am still at school , " and the decision had been made that one of the managers would cover register for that half hour while I was on my way in . Unfortunately , it was not written down , and the manager who was ' on ' that day had no clue what was going on . They had called home , and Cara headed out the door to retrace my path home from college . She was smart enough to stop by the store before back tracking my normal route home and found me at my register where I was supposed to be . She left the store , cross at the fact she had an ' amish ' mother . ( This is what she calls everyone who does not have a cellphone and i - pod . ) She reappeared within the hour and slapped a cell phone in my hand and walked out while I was still protesting the thing . So now I have a cell phone . Does this mean that I am any easier to reach ? No . Because I leave the thing home on the charger a lot . When I do have it , it generally means that I 've remembered to stick the thing in a pocket , but that is no guarantee that it works , because it 's usually been in the pocket for a week , and has a low battery . Or I haven 't remembered to turn it on . It 's always some darn thing . Yesterday , it was that I was in class , and had it turned off . ( Yes , I know you can turn it on vibrate , but I did not remember how to do that , and did not have the time to figure it out . ) When I got home , Tim said , " I couldn 't reach you . " I said , " I know . . . " and headed for the kitchen to get him lunch . " Stop what you are doing , " he said . " Call your sister . " I did . My mom was taken to the hospital . She is very ill . She was lifeflighted from our small town to a city hospital an hour a way . Tim took the night off work and we went to wait with the rest of the family . We left very late laPosted by When I headed off to school this morning it was cold , but dry . The roads were bare . After my class , I headed over to a Head Start program , where a team mate and I had some children 's activities to do . I was a little surprised to see that it had begun to snow again . " I 'm reeeeeally getting tired of this , " I said a little wearily , and I got the brush out and swept the snow from the car . After our activities , I drove back to the college in the snow , and I had a meeting with another classmate for our presentation on Friday . Heading back to class , I was a little surprised to see that it was snowing even worse . I called Tim . He told me that the roads in Pennsylvania were horrible . By the time that class was over , and I headed home , the roads were , indeed , terrible . I spun my way up our hill . The car tires were spinning and I could smell the rubber , and I was crawling along . I came upon two boys in their car , spinning , not moving . My car was inching along . I was afraid to pass them for fear that my car would STOP inching along , and we would wind up stuck side by side , blocking the entire road , but I had no choice , and finally , I did pass them , and inched my way past them . I finally made it to the top of our hill . I love my old ' winter rat ' ( it 's what we call our winter cars . . . they are not purty , but they are tanks , trustworthy and sure footed ( tired ? ) I walked into my house with no small amount of gratitude , and checked out weather . com . They had been called for an inch of snow or there abouts , and it was already much much worse than that . The new weather alert read : THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN STATE COLLEGE HAS ISSUED A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY FOR SNOW . . . WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 2 AM EDT THURSDAY . * LOCATION . . . NORTHERN TIER OF PENNSYLVANIA INCLUDING WARREN . . . MCKEAN AND POTTER COUNTIES . * PRECIPITATION TYPE . . . WET SNOW . . . MIXING WITH RAIN . * ACCUMULATIONS . . . 1 TO 3 INCHES IN THE VALLEYS . . . 4 TO 7 INCHES ON THE RIDGES . * TIMING . . . SNOW WILL CONTINUE THIS EVENING . . . MIXING WITH AND CHANGING TO RAIN BEFORE DECREASINGPosted by I am hard on myself . I know this . I was raised not to be proud of myself , and it shows . I am not proud of myself . A neighbor down the road came into the store last night . I waited on her politely , but there was no conversation . She does not like me . We 've never spoken , but she 's got strong opinions . She bases them on what she 's heard . It bothers me , but I also know that I can 't change her mind . She 'll think what she thinks . I also realize full well that I wouldn 't even try to change her mind . What 's the point of it ? She 's not anyone that I could ever call a friend . So I wait on her , and she says nothing , and I say nothing but the necessary words . And then she grabs her bag , as she always does , and says in a voice that drips sweet sarcasm , " You have a good day ! " and she stalks out of the store . It doesn 't faze me now . I simply turn to the next customer in line , and invariably , they are nice folk and we find something to laugh about . So , I 've been thinking about encounters . Yesterday , I went into the office to get an assignment that we 'd been given in class some time ago . We actually began it in class . Someone was talking about it , and I thought , " Oh , yeah , and then went through my pending assignments and realized that I no longer had it . I was embarrassed to go in to the office and confess that I 'd lost it . Understandable really . I 've got a dozen assignments all assigned weeks ago , with different due dates . We cannot turn things in early , so there 's always that possibility that something is going to be lost in the shuffle . Especially when you are me . I confessed to the teacher , and she cheerfully went into her file and printed out a replacement . I apologized for the inconvenience and turned to leave . She said , " Oh , don 't worry about it . You 're right on top of things . I can tell . " That surprised me . I wondered about that . She sure sees me differently than I see me . I got a letter from Cara the other day . She said that she wished that I could see myself as she sees me . She goes on to list the things that she remembePosted by Today was the first day back to school . I 'd had a busy weekend at work , and when I went to bed , I was tired . Really tired . But then I found myself tossing and turning . ' Did I set the alarm ? ' * flop * ' Why , yes . Yes I did set the alarm . ' * stare into the dark * ' What if I don 't wake up in the morning ? ' * tosses a little * ' But I always wake up in the morning . Even on spring break , I was waking up at my regular getting up time . Although I didn 't always get up . ' * stretches out * My thoughts ran around in circles like a cat chasing it 's tail . I was cold . I was too warm . I finally fell asleep . I was awake before the alarm went off . ( As usual ) I was tired from my restless night . When I went to school , I showed a friend one of our assignments , one that I 'd spent several hours on . It was six pages long . " When is this due ? " I asked . " I didn 't write down a due date for this . . . " and she said , " That ? We didn 't have to do that . It was something they gave us as an enrichment exercise , if we wanted to do it . " Me , shocked , but still holding out hope : " Is it maybe worth extra credit or something ? " Nicole : " No . " I was sick to think of how much time I spent on that . It 's been a long weekend . I worked from 8 to 8 : 30 yesterday , and then worked 9 to 6 : 30 today . By the end of the day , I was feeling it . I was beat . A customer came up , just as we were closing with a full cart . Lamar , our newest employee asked me a question from the door just as this woman asked me a question . I had begun to turn to Lamar , and the woman snapped , " I ASKED YOU HOW MUCH THE SHAVINGS ARE ! " A little surprised at her impatient snottiness , I turned back to her and told her . I continued ringing up her things . When I was done , I gave her the total : $ 48 . and change . She pulled a huge wad of ones from her purse , thrust them at me , and said , " Count this . " No please . No nothing . I took a deep breath and began counting . It takes a moment or two to count out 49 ones and as I was counting , the woman said , " You do know to stop counting when you have enough money , right ? " Incredulously , I looked up . Her voice was haughty . Behind her , her teenaged children looked down with bright red cheeks . That , more than anything , tempered my own response . I took a deep breath , I looked square at her , and I said , " Yes . I know to stop counting when I have $ 49 . " I stood there a moment giving her a steady look . For that moment , I did not count her money . I waited . I wanted her to get the idea that being rude wasn 't going to make her transaction go any faster . She said nothing , just stared back . I went back to counting money . What makes people like that ? I would not dream of talking to anyone that way . Although it was after closing , I was not done yet . Another man came up to the counter . Ike was carrying an armload of stuff for him . He also had his own armload of stuff . I began to ring up his things . He stood there in his overalls with a big smile on his face . " This just tickles me , " he said . He got a clearanced blower , and an armload of shirts marked down to $ 1 . 99 . A welding hat and some waterproof boots . As I rang everything up , he said , " I got some great deals ! " and I agreed . Once more , he said , " This just tickles me ! " He raved aboPosted by A little boy comes into the store regularly with his mother to buy a Schleich animal . It is always a very long process to pick his animal . His mother will show him a toy and say " What about this ? " He is very spoiled , very loud , very obnoxious . He stands nose to hip with his mother , and screams " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " as long and loud as he can . Her response is simply to roll her eyes , and respond quietly . Week after week , this little scene plays out . This week , however , the tantrum carried over to the check out line . He was roaring at his mother as she paid for his new toy . I looked at him and said , " We don 't allow screaming in the Tractor Supply . " Very matter of factly . He stared at me consideringly , and then promptly turned to his mother and bellowed " ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH ! " at the top of his lungs . He wasn 't mad . He wasn 't saying anything . He was just bellowing . I immediately interrupted him , saying sternly . " I 'm not joking . We do not allow screaming in the Tractor Supply . You need to stop that right now . " Shocked , he did . His mother said , " You need to remember that rule . You cannot scream at the Tractor Supply , " as they headed out the door . I hope she remembers it too . That one stern , no nonsense admonishment stopped his bad behavior immediately . I hope she gives it a try . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
I went galloping into work like I usually do , one step ahead of late , and I threw on my vest and headed for the register . I saw a picture of a kid , a good looking teenager , tanned with brilliant blue eyes and the stance of an athlete . I saw that they were holding a benefit for him . I studied him a minute . He went to the high school that all of mine graduated from , and I wondered if Cara knew him . The poster said they were raising money for his medical expenses . Gary knows everybody . I never have seen the likes of it , so when we had a quiet moment , I said , " What 's the story with that boy they are having the benefit for . " And Gary shook his head . " It 's a good friend of Ike 's , " he said , naming yet another coworker . " They thought he had the flu . He had spinal meningitis . He lived , but he 's got the mind of a five year old . " I stared in horror . I cannot stop thinking about that . I always thought that the death of a child would be the most terrible thing ever , but I seriously cannot imagine anything like staring into the face of your son every day , at the same time knowing that you will never talk with that teenager again . I was working when a man that I once thought I loved came in . He has come in before , and sometimes , he seems as if he would like to speak , but he doesn 't , and so I don 't either . He is someone who was important to me for a time , but he decided that he did not want to be in a relationship after all , and he left . He called and said that he 'd made a terrible mistake , and the relationship resumed . He changed his mind within a matter of days , and was gone . Amazingly , he called once more , but by then , I was able to say , " No . You just want what you do not have , and once you have me , you will not want me . " I had grieved bitterly for a time , but came to discover that I didn 't lose anything . I never had it . It was an illusion . Tim turned out to be the real deal . I know that I am lucky and I do not look back . This time , the man did speak to me , and I answered him . We exchanged hellos and there was a space . There really wasn 't anything to say . I looked at him , and he looked at me , and then he moved to the door . He stopped and turned and said something . " What ? " I asked . He repeated himself . " When did you discover that you were a writer ? " he asked . I answered , " I always was , I guess . " He likes to read my articles , he said , and then he headed for the the door once again . I watched him leave the store , and I thought about it . That 's the truth of it , I suppose . I 've always been a writer . He left before he knew who I was . How strange to think that he probably knows more about me now than he ever did , but I understand him no better than I did fifteen years ago . Today I became aware that all of us in the class are stretched just about as tightly as we can be stretched . We had a good group ' vent ' today . I have to say that I didn 't give a rat 's ass many , many times today . I swore , mightily at one point . Everyone laughed and commismerated and I knew that I was not alone . On the way home , it was warm . I drove with the window down and I sang ' My Sharona ' . Loudly . And I danced in the driver 's seat . I came home and I put the finishing touches on my two projects , and I packed my bag for tomorrow . I 've been sick with exhaustion for the past week because I 've been waking up in the night and worrying about all the stuff I have to do . Now I am going to bed because it is 10 : 30 and I 'm pooped . I 'll say it once again . I don 't give a rat 's patootie . I 've only got three more weeks of school . I can see the end of this semester . I 've got a notion that I 'm going to sleep like a rock tonight . Posted by Easter was nice . Signing the papers for our house on Thursday . That project I worked on last Wednesday ? The one that I almost didn 't do because I was so busy ? It took first place a meaningless class contest . Made me glad I didn 't blow it off as I was so tempted to do . Tim 's dad is very ill in intensive care . Got three more projects done . Got a presentation partly done . My mom 's in a nursing home for the time being . Her goal is to get out of there and home . This summer , I 'll have more time to help her . Someone want to come and help me fold and iron laundry ? Maybe wash a dish or two ? * crickets * Dear heavens , it is snowing again . I am whining again . Is there a correlation ? You can bet on it . We watched The King 's Speech last night . It was excellent . I had a busy night at work . Crazy busy . The manager spoke with me again about becoming a team leader . You know , I 'm more pleased than I can say that I am considered by my peers to be management material . A year ago , I 'd have been all over that . But things have changed and I am in school . For the first time in a long time , I feel like I have choices . I have chosen to stay the course . Still though , it is nice to feel respected . Posted by I 've had a damaged tooth for twenty years now , right in the front . I was never happy with it , but I never did anything about it . It was one of those things that was not a necessity . It was pure vanity . It seemed selfish . Today , my tooth was fixed . I 'm surprised at how glad I am about that . Last night I curled up in a warm bed with my book . It 's detailed and gives you the notion that you are looking into a world that vanished long ago . It 's a pleasant read . I fell to sleep after just a few chapters , and it probably was good that I did . I needed the sleep . I do lose focus when I am harried and tired . I woke up this morning to discover that the forecasted snow is just the lightest trace of snow . I 'm kind of good with that . I have just one class , and it lasts only an hour and 15 minutes . I 've got a few errands to take care of and then I am home . It is Tim 's birthday today , although we are celebrating it tomorrow , when everyone is off . Posted by Been a discouraging day . Not any one thing , not really . The weather sucks , chance of rain tuning to snow tonight . * sigh * And there appears to be a glitch in the signing of the new house . There 's some incomplete paperwork that the bank refuses to tidy up . Our lawyer said he needs to speak with us . That doesn 't bode well . * sigh * You know that project that I whipped out last night ? I met with my group this morning , showed them what I had . Everyone claimed to be pleased , but I overheard a complaint later . I am confused . Truly . No one met . No one responded to e - mail , save the girl who 'd found a video . Yet she complained to another that it had been ' thrown together the night before ' . She went to her dorm room and refused to take part . I feel old and foolish and ashamed , but yet I 'm not sure why . * sigh * Brianna commented tonight that she doesn 't want William to grow up in a house with fighting , like she did . It 's the truth . My last marriage was not a good one . I told her that I was glad she was taking action in her own life , because if she failed William , that failure would haunt her for the rest of her life . I 'm glad to see her stepping up to the plate , yet ashamed of my own failures too . * sigh * I have had the disconcerting experience of being embarrassed to speak in class . It feels as if the teacher is deliberately misunderstanding what I am saying . We were talking about anxiety disorders , and he talked about the fact that sometimes people fake anxiety disorders to get meds . I commented that perhaps medication should not be the treatment of choice . . . and he said , " So , if someone comes in psychotic and delusional you don 't think they should be medicated . Interesting . " Surprised , I said , " Um . I thought we were talking about anxiety . . . " And he said , " Oh . You 're talking about anxiety . " I tried to continue , because I felt like I 'd look stupid if I stopped right where I was . I started again . " If a person has anxiety issues and you prescribed some sort of group therapy , if they did have anxiety they 'd be willing to try it . . . Debby This is the last big push . Tomorrow is the big day to turn in the position paper I 've been working on for some time . I 've put in two late nights on it . I spent 2 hours on it at school . I spent a couple more hours on it here at home . It is done , and placed in a folder with my stack of references . That was a relief . I turned my attention to my presentation tomorrow . It is supposedly a group project , but no one has met from our group . Out of five people , one girl volunteered to use her laptop to play a video . That was it . The presentation is supposed to explain what OT is . ( April is Occupational Therapy month . ) We had five groups for the five senses . My group is doing vision . I just got three blind folds , and a large shirt . I 'm taking a teapot , a cup , some teabags , pencils , paper . I 'm going to have a volunteer perform three ordinary tasks while blindfolded . After we have a very good laugh ( I 've got some little tricks up my sleeve to make sure that the person has some trouble with the tasks ) , we 'll talk about what an Occupational Therapist would be doing for our volunteer . I 'll give a brief overview of the need for independence that almost all of us have , and that my job will be to help my clients live as normal a life as possible no matter what their disability . Short , sweet , to the point , but entertaining as well . I 'm done . I have projects I could be working on for next week ( the fun never ends ! ) but I am tired . Beat . I am going to bed and curling up with my latest find at the second hand book store . It is a paperback book , a reprint of ' Malcolm ' written by George McDonald , orginally published in 1875 . MacDonald was the favorite author of C . S . Lewis . Most intriguing to me ? The book has a stamp in it . It was bought at the Keswick Book Shop , Portal House , Bandi St , Nairobi . The story is interesting , but I find myself longing to know the story of the book itself . How do you suppose that it got all the way to a thrift shop in a small town in northwestern Pennsylvania ? Oh , if only that book could talk ! It 's been a struggle keeping up with things , but I 'm doing it . Just barely . I 've got a prensentation to do as well as a major paper due . Tomorrow . The major paper ? It needs to be restructured . I think that I know how I am going to do it . I 've got to finish the references . The presentation ? I don 't have a bit of it done . It will be another late night . Yesterday at work , I was golden . You ever have one of those days when everything just clicks ? It did for me . It just seemed like every time the manager was gnashing his teeth over something , I was able to figure it out . ( Truth be told , it was probably because I had more time to devote to solving the problem . He was busier than a one armed paper hanger . Still , though , it made me feel good . " Hey , Ike ? I 'm golden ! " He 's a lot of fun to work with . His mustache would twitch , and his eyebrows would go up , and he 'd say , " Way to go ! Awesome ! " At the end of the night , walking across the parking lot to our vehicles , he thanked the cashier and I multiple times . It was a big night , and we had worked together really well . Got a lot done . Wish I 'd have a day like that at school . * sigh * We sell a sign at the store . It has an outhouse on it , and it reads : ' This is the only place I know what I 'm doing . ' I need to get that . Just Friday , I was feeling very comfortable in my own skin . I felt good about my week 's worth of tests . After months of being able to see no further ahead than the next paper or the next test , I found myself feeling as if I could see clear straight through to graduation . I felt positive and sure of myself . I told Tim about this , and he just smiled like he does , and said something to the effect of " I knew that you could do it . " The next day , as I hunkered over my computer pounding out yet another paper , he came in the door carrying a pot of star gazer lillies . " What are those for ? " I asked , peering over the top of my reading glasses . And he told me that they were for me , for doing so well on my tests . Was that not the sweetest thing ever ? Today , I got on line , and saw that my Anatomy and Physiology Lab quiz from last Tuesday was graded and posted . I confidently checked my grade . It hadn 't been a hard test . I didn 't think so anyway . . . . . . until I saw the grade . I got a 79 . 2 % Baby ? You 'd better give those flowers to someone else . Yesterday , I had a big test in Anatomy and Physiology . I was just sick about it , studied and studied . I was so tired , and I had a splitting headache , and so I went to bed , finally , and I did not feel good about things . I felt like I needed to keep on studying . Even worse , I lay in bed and definitions kept running through my mind . I recited processes to myself . Facts and figures and well . . . I got up the next morning , and I was so tired that I still had my headache . I left the house early , got to the lecture hall early , and I studied . Still , I did not feel all that confident about it . Taking it , I completed the first page , and I thought , " Well , at least I did well on the first page . " 3 pages later , I was amazed . I had completed the test , and it was not hard . I probably shouldn 't say it out loud , lest I jinx myself , but I think that I did well on it . Today , I had two more tests , one a midterm . I still had my shortsleeped headache , and I studied , but I was tired . Again , I got to school early , and I studied in the empty classroom , but you know , again , I was not feeling good about it . The midterm ? I have to say when I first glanced at it , I almost fell out of my chair . It looked like a mindbender . I took a deep breath and I swallowed my panic , and I began to read the first question . I thought about it , and realized that all I was doing was applying all that I had learned to new situations . That 's all . One question at a time , I thought carefully , and I selected my answer . I spent a lot of time thinking , and when I was done , I did not go back over it . And when school was over , I walked to my car . This has been a rough week . I 've had a total of four tests , I have been worried about my mother , ( she 's still in ICU ) and I have been worried about Cara ( can you say ' Canadian schizophrenic with a knife ' ? ) But today , walking across the parking lot in the warm spring sunshine , today , for the very first time , I looked squarely at this school thing , and I realized that I 'm doing well . I realized that , for all my worrying , I 'm going toDebby I 've got three tests coming up . One tomorrow . Two on Friday . It 's such a lot to know . Right now , I have a headache , and I figure that the best thing I can do for myself is go to bed , digest this stuff , and get up early tomorrow morning and go over it once again with a fresh mind . Tomorrow night , I 'll come home and once again , I 'll hit it hard for the two tests on Friday . I am overwhelmed , and I don 't imagine you 'll be hearing much from me for the next couple days . The one thing that I wish more than anything is that I could pull all nighters . I could use the extra study time , but what I know about myself is that when I 'm tired , I might just as well go to bed , because I am retaining nothing . It 's times like these when I question my own sanity . . . whatever made me think that heading back to college was a good idea ? But we dissected sheep eyes in Anatomy and Physiology lab . At first , I was squeamish , cutting into an eyeball , but then once inside , locating all the things listed in my lab manual , I found myself fascinated . I 'd never seen the inside of an eyeball before . I studied the retina . I studied the lens . I looked inside the ciliary body and saw the iris , and the pupil in the middle of it . Lucky that I have moments like that . . . it reminds me why heading back to college was a good idea . Yesterday at Tractor Supply , a couple came in and they were buying things for a puppy . A kennel , a soft bed , bowls , puppy food , a little collar and a matching leash . " What kind of puppy did you get ? " And they looked at each other and laughed . " We got a Puerto Rican puppy . " Turns out that their veterinarian had gone on her honeymoon to Puerto Rico . While there , she found three starving puppies . She couldn 't bear to leave them behind , so she gathered them up and brought them to their hotel room . They had no dog food , so that first night , she fed them trail mix , and the poor starving things wolfed it down . And so they were named Almond and Peanut and the name of some other nut that I cannot remember . Come time to leave , they discovered that they could only bring two of the three home with them , so in a canine version of Sophie 's Choice , they picked two to come home . Amazingly , they flew someone to Puerto Rico for the third puppy , who is on his way home even as I write . " That 's a nice story , " I said as I walked with them to the door to lock up for the night . " Bring Almond with you when you come back . I 'd sure like to meet her . " My mother continues to improve although she is still in Intensive Care . I feel like Cara is safe now , and I am much relieved . There is no snow in the long range forecast . I see daffodils on the way to school . We should have the keys to our new house by the end of the week . Many nice things happening . Lucky , lucky me ! Yesterday , it was in the mid - seventies here . aaaaaaaaaand , there 's no snow forecasted in the 10 day outlookLast night , my mother opened her eyes , and began to respond . Today , I have a midterm . I 'm not as prepared for it as I should be . I tried , but I was very tired . But did I mention that it was in the mid - seventies here yesterday ? There are people who should probably not bother to have a cell phone . * raises hand * Cara bought me one , a little trac phone . She was frustrated after a mixup at work , when they called to see why I wasn 't there , and she couldn 't call me to find out why I wasn 't there . I had said , " I can 't be there at - - o ' clock . I am still at school , " and the decision had been made that one of the managers would cover register for that half hour while I was on my way in . Unfortunately , it was not written down , and the manager who was ' on ' that day had no clue what was going on . They had called home , and Cara headed out the door to retrace my path home from college . She was smart enough to stop by the store before back tracking my normal route home and found me at my register where I was supposed to be . She left the store , cross at the fact she had an ' amish ' mother . ( This is what she calls everyone who does not have a cellphone and i - pod . ) She reappeared within the hour and slapped a cell phone in my hand and walked out while I was still protesting the thing . So now I have a cell phone . Does this mean that I am any easier to reach ? No . Because I leave the thing home on the charger a lot . When I do have it , it generally means that I 've remembered to stick the thing in a pocket , but that is no guarantee that it works , because it 's usually been in the pocket for a week , and has a low battery . Or I haven 't remembered to turn it on . It 's always some darn thing . Yesterday , it was that I was in class , and had it turned off . ( Yes , I know you can turn it on vibrate , but I did not remember how to do that , and did not have the time to figure it out . ) When I got home , Tim said , " I couldn 't reach you . " I said , " I know . . . " and headed for the kitchen to get him lunch . " Stop what you are doing , " he said . " Call your sister . " I did . My mom was taken to the hospital . She is very ill . She was lifeflighted from our small town to a city hospital an hour a way . Tim took the night off work and we went to wait with the rest of the family . We left very late laPosted by When I headed off to school this morning it was cold , but dry . The roads were bare . After my class , I headed over to a Head Start program , where a team mate and I had some children 's activities to do . I was a little surprised to see that it had begun to snow again . " I 'm reeeeeally getting tired of this , " I said a little wearily , and I got the brush out and swept the snow from the car . After our activities , I drove back to the college in the snow , and I had a meeting with another classmate for our presentation on Friday . Heading back to class , I was a little surprised to see that it was snowing even worse . I called Tim . He told me that the roads in Pennsylvania were horrible . By the time that class was over , and I headed home , the roads were , indeed , terrible . I spun my way up our hill . The car tires were spinning and I could smell the rubber , and I was crawling along . I came upon two boys in their car , spinning , not moving . My car was inching along . I was afraid to pass them for fear that my car would STOP inching along , and we would wind up stuck side by side , blocking the entire road , but I had no choice , and finally , I did pass them , and inched my way past them . I finally made it to the top of our hill . I love my old ' winter rat ' ( it 's what we call our winter cars . . . they are not purty , but they are tanks , trustworthy and sure footed ( tired ? ) I walked into my house with no small amount of gratitude , and checked out weather . com . They had been called for an inch of snow or there abouts , and it was already much much worse than that . The new weather alert read : THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN STATE COLLEGE HAS ISSUED A WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY FOR SNOW . . . WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 2 AM EDT THURSDAY . * LOCATION . . . NORTHERN TIER OF PENNSYLVANIA INCLUDING WARREN . . . MCKEAN AND POTTER COUNTIES . * PRECIPITATION TYPE . . . WET SNOW . . . MIXING WITH RAIN . * ACCUMULATIONS . . . 1 TO 3 INCHES IN THE VALLEYS . . . 4 TO 7 INCHES ON THE RIDGES . * TIMING . . . SNOW WILL CONTINUE THIS EVENING . . . MIXING WITH AND CHANGING TO RAIN BEFORE DECREASINGPosted by I am hard on myself . I know this . I was raised not to be proud of myself , and it shows . I am not proud of myself . A neighbor down the road came into the store last night . I waited on her politely , but there was no conversation . She does not like me . We 've never spoken , but she 's got strong opinions . She bases them on what she 's heard . It bothers me , but I also know that I can 't change her mind . She 'll think what she thinks . I also realize full well that I wouldn 't even try to change her mind . What 's the point of it ? She 's not anyone that I could ever call a friend . So I wait on her , and she says nothing , and I say nothing but the necessary words . And then she grabs her bag , as she always does , and says in a voice that drips sweet sarcasm , " You have a good day ! " and she stalks out of the store . It doesn 't faze me now . I simply turn to the next customer in line , and invariably , they are nice folk and we find something to laugh about . So , I 've been thinking about encounters . Yesterday , I went into the office to get an assignment that we 'd been given in class some time ago . We actually began it in class . Someone was talking about it , and I thought , " Oh , yeah , and then went through my pending assignments and realized that I no longer had it . I was embarrassed to go in to the office and confess that I 'd lost it . Understandable really . I 've got a dozen assignments all assigned weeks ago , with different due dates . We cannot turn things in early , so there 's always that possibility that something is going to be lost in the shuffle . Especially when you are me . I confessed to the teacher , and she cheerfully went into her file and printed out a replacement . I apologized for the inconvenience and turned to leave . She said , " Oh , don 't worry about it . You 're right on top of things . I can tell . " That surprised me . I wondered about that . She sure sees me differently than I see me . I got a letter from Cara the other day . She said that she wished that I could see myself as she sees me . She goes on to list the things that she remembePosted by Today was the first day back to school . I 'd had a busy weekend at work , and when I went to bed , I was tired . Really tired . But then I found myself tossing and turning . ' Did I set the alarm ? ' * flop * ' Why , yes . Yes I did set the alarm . ' * stare into the dark * ' What if I don 't wake up in the morning ? ' * tosses a little * ' But I always wake up in the morning . Even on spring break , I was waking up at my regular getting up time . Although I didn 't always get up . ' * stretches out * My thoughts ran around in circles like a cat chasing it 's tail . I was cold . I was too warm . I finally fell asleep . I was awake before the alarm went off . ( As usual ) I was tired from my restless night . When I went to school , I showed a friend one of our assignments , one that I 'd spent several hours on . It was six pages long . " When is this due ? " I asked . " I didn 't write down a due date for this . . . " and she said , " That ? We didn 't have to do that . It was something they gave us as an enrichment exercise , if we wanted to do it . " Me , shocked , but still holding out hope : " Is it maybe worth extra credit or something ? " Nicole : " No . " I was sick to think of how much time I spent on that . It 's been a long weekend . I worked from 8 to 8 : 30 yesterday , and then worked 9 to 6 : 30 today . By the end of the day , I was feeling it . I was beat . A customer came up , just as we were closing with a full cart . Lamar , our newest employee asked me a question from the door just as this woman asked me a question . I had begun to turn to Lamar , and the woman snapped , " I ASKED YOU HOW MUCH THE SHAVINGS ARE ! " A little surprised at her impatient snottiness , I turned back to her and told her . I continued ringing up her things . When I was done , I gave her the total : $ 48 . and change . She pulled a huge wad of ones from her purse , thrust them at me , and said , " Count this . " No please . No nothing . I took a deep breath and began counting . It takes a moment or two to count out 49 ones and as I was counting , the woman said , " You do know to stop counting when you have enough money , right ? " Incredulously , I looked up . Her voice was haughty . Behind her , her teenaged children looked down with bright red cheeks . That , more than anything , tempered my own response . I took a deep breath , I looked square at her , and I said , " Yes . I know to stop counting when I have $ 49 . " I stood there a moment giving her a steady look . For that moment , I did not count her money . I waited . I wanted her to get the idea that being rude wasn 't going to make her transaction go any faster . She said nothing , just stared back . I went back to counting money . What makes people like that ? I would not dream of talking to anyone that way . Although it was after closing , I was not done yet . Another man came up to the counter . Ike was carrying an armload of stuff for him . He also had his own armload of stuff . I began to ring up his things . He stood there in his overalls with a big smile on his face . " This just tickles me , " he said . He got a clearanced blower , and an armload of shirts marked down to $ 1 . 99 . A welding hat and some waterproof boots . As I rang everything up , he said , " I got some great deals ! " and I agreed . Once more , he said , " This just tickles me ! " He raved aboPosted by A little boy comes into the store regularly with his mother to buy a Schleich animal . It is always a very long process to pick his animal . His mother will show him a toy and say " What about this ? " He is very spoiled , very loud , very obnoxious . He stands nose to hip with his mother , and screams " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! " as long and loud as he can . Her response is simply to roll her eyes , and respond quietly . Week after week , this little scene plays out . This week , however , the tantrum carried over to the check out line . He was roaring at his mother as she paid for his new toy . I looked at him and said , " We don 't allow screaming in the Tractor Supply . " Very matter of factly . He stared at me consideringly , and then promptly turned to his mother and bellowed " ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH ! " at the top of his lungs . He wasn 't mad . He wasn 't saying anything . He was just bellowing . I immediately interrupted him , saying sternly . " I 'm not joking . We do not allow screaming in the Tractor Supply . You need to stop that right now . " Shocked , he did . His mother said , " You need to remember that rule . You cannot scream at the Tractor Supply , " as they headed out the door . I hope she remembers it too . That one stern , no nonsense admonishment stopped his bad behavior immediately . I hope she gives it a try . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
I own none of the fandoms for which I am making fics of . They belong to those who created and published them . I am just playing with them . Title : The Defiant Ones Author : rivermoon1970 Fandom : Criminal Minds Artist : blythechild , the art above is an original work and is owned and copyrighted to blythechild . Do not download or share said work . For the rest of the art for this story please click on the name and it will re - direct you to the page . Summary : Steve had decided that he wasn 't going to pussy foot around anymore . He knew that Tony wanted him and he knew that he wanted Tony . Then it happens , they bond and then Tony is ripped out from under him . He 's left floundering and SHIELD has no clue where the Omega is . Word starts getting back to SHIELD that the Winter Soldier is on the field and from what Intel can gather , he has Tony in his grasp . Can Steve get to him in time ? Tony Stark was a man of action . He rarely sat when he didn 't have to . He slept even less . Steve Rogers had gotten used to the sounds of Tony in the Tower . It had taken months . Tony was in Malibu with Pepper doing things for Stark Industries . Steve listened to the Tower as it sounded empty without the billionaire there . " Trouble sleeping , Captain ? " Coulson asked as he left the sleeping area of the Tower and entered the kitchen . He was wearing a pair of sleeping pants and plain white shirt . It was his normal , preferred sleeping clothes . " Imprinted on the group that much ? " Coulson sat down at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee from the carafe that was always sitting in the center of the table . JARVIS kept it going even when Stark wasn 't there . " It never used to bother you this much when Stark was out of the Tower . " " Before you knew he was Iron Man or before you started to want to bond with him ? " Coulson 's eyes never left Steve 's face as he talked . Steve himself had to stop from spilling coffee on himself . He set his cup down and frowned . " I 've seen the way you act around him . Stark is just messed up enough that he doesn 't see it and I think Natasha doesn 't want to see it . Thor and Clint are oblivious . " " I don 't know about him but Hulk sees it . Last mission when the two of you were fighting after it was all done and I was Hulk watching he turned looked at the two of you and made kissing noises . I was a little … disturbed . " Coulson looked a little green around the gills . " Woke and you were gone . Nat 's up and wants to spar . I need to eat first . " Clint moved over to the cabinets and started to pull out the bowls for breakfast for everyone . He turned to set the bowls down and looked surprised to see Steve there . Clint just shrugged and then he was turning back to the cabinets to pull the cereal out . Steve gave Coulson a little salute and then he was gone . He passed Thor and Natasha on their way to the kitchen . He gave them little waves and then he was alone . Tony was always oblivious to anything that wasn 't right in his line of sight . The Omega 's heats had mellowed out and whatever Loki had done to him had seemed to fix him . Thor had explained it as a great deal of Loki 's magic was wishes . What he wishes seemed to come to fruition . Loki had never spent much time on Earth other than what he did while trying to take over the world . He hadn 't been expecting the humans to have the same hierarchy as the Asgardians . His magic probably had seen a broken Omega and had reached out to help , not knowing that he was doing it at the time . The gym was silent . He figured that he had about thirty minutes before Clint and Natasha joined him . It would be long enough for him to burn some energy hitting the heavy bag . He moved quickly to the one that Tony had made for him long before Tony was figured out as Iron Man . He had yet to break it or even knock it off the stand holding it . He was hitting the bag as hard as he could near the end of his routine when he heard footsteps behind him . He spun , ready to fight but it was just Tony standing there in a pair of jeans and a tank top . The tank top was clean but Steve knew it wouldn 't stay that way for long . " Isn 't it something that the bots can do ? " Steve bristled a little . Tony seemed to be avoiding him except when he needed something from him . Four hours later , Tony was breaking to eat and Steve was sure that his muscles would never be the same again . He moved up behind the Omega to grab a towel to wipe of sweat when he heard and felt Tony 's breathing change . Tony tried to run for it . He was two steps away and headed for the door but Steve reached out and grabbed Tony 's hand . It was now or never . Tony whirled on him and his eyes were wide , Steve didn 't care . He stepped closer to the other man . He pulled Tony towards himself and after a few seconds Tony didn 't resist . The second that Tony 's smaller body was molded against his own , he knew that he shouldn 't have fought it for so long . Tilting Tony 's head up with his free hand , he claimed Tony 's mouth in a soul searing kiss . Tony 's emotions flooded over him . He felt the shock of the bond settling and then the shock that he could even bond . That stopped Steve cold . He quickly released Tony 's mouth and looked down into the other man 's shocked face . Tony opened his eyes and looked up into Steve 's face . The look of pure horror there was no what Steve wanted to see . Tony jumped backwards but it was after a few seconds that he noticed that Tony wasn 't looking at him . He spun just as he heard the Iron Man armor shattered from its shell and enveloped the Omega . Steve grabbed a scrap of metal and used it to shield himself when the missiles impacted on the glass and shattered it . One missile went straight for the armor that was sealing itself and the other went right for the back wall . The explosion from both was concussive and Steve went flying away from Tony . Steve woke up with the bright lights of the infirmary shining down into his eyes . He quickly sat up only to have his ribs give him such a burst of pain that he quickly laid back down . Coulson was there in seconds , a hand on his shoulder and a hand flicking the lights down . " Twelve hours . We tracked them as far as the harbor but there was no sub or ship there to meet them and we lost them . Tony could be anywhere in the country by now . " " Or the world . " Steve wasn 't going to lie to himself . The bond they had was so weak from not being consummated that he couldn 't feel Tony like he should have been able to . " Your ribs are just bruised . The metal fragment you were holding saved your life . There were minimal amounts of blood . The missile that hit Tony was less than the one that hit the wall . It had am EMP inside of it and it knocked the whole Tower and three blocks past that out . " " Where 's the rest ? " Steve looked around and saw no one else there . He was happy they weren 't with him ; they had other things that they could be doing . " Banner is sorting through all the debris to try and find anything to tell us who took him . Clint and Natasha are with Pepper trying to figure out who took him . Thor is on guard duty for the Tower while JARVIS oversees the hole in the wall getting repaired . The doctor said that you could get up as soon as you woke up . Fury says that we can have boots on the ground in two hours . All assets are being recalled except for missions that can 't be stopped . " Steve nodded and sat up , more carefully this time . He found that taking deep breaths hurt but if he took normal ones , he was fine . He stood up and found that he was in a pair of sweatpants without a shirt . That wasn 't normal infirmary clothing . He raised an eyebrow . " Thor 's been in battle garb since the missile impacted the Tower . Your outfit 's in the bathroom on the living level . The nurses cleaned you up good but I think that was for their own amusement rather than to help you out . " " Like the shirt ? " Steve asked . He sighed as he took a few steps . It wasn 't that painful to walk thankfully . " Let 's go find our Omega . " Steve sighed as he looked at the morning reports . There was no trace of Tony inside of the continental United States . He had to be outside of United States . " The Winter Soldier is on the move , " Natasha said as she entered the briefing room in the Tower . She had papers in her hand . She handed them to Steve and stood there waiting . Reading over the papers , Steve 's heart sank . He quickly handed them over to Coulson and sighed . The Winter Soldier had to be part of whatever was happening with Tony . The genius hadn 't been sighted since he had been taken and hadn 't been given access to computers or the Avengers would know where he was . " SHIELD tracked him and said that he 's been inactive since the reports of him being active surfaced . " Natasha wasn 't sitting . That was telling . There was more to this but it wasn 't something that Steve was going to press . If it had anything to do with Tony , she would have told him . He had gotten used to her and Clint 's odd styles of following the rules . He was good at playing off that . " He 's a dog without a master . Is he trying to find a new master ? " Coulson asked . He handed the papers back to Natasha with a look on his face that Steve wasn 't able to read . There was nothing on Natasha 's face . It had to go back to what she was keeping from him . " SHIELD started to track him when he surfaced . Agents on the ground in Russia say that a caravan had been moving about the country for two weeks . Never stopping other than to refuel and to get food . There is a van that no one ever leaves from and no one ever enters . Fury wants us in the air as soon as we can . It wasn 't connected with Stark because it was assumed he was here and it was thought that they were just now catching the caravan in action and that it wasn 't new . " Steve sighed as he took in the wreckage around him . There was blown up cars . There were empty clips and all manner of other debris around him . Clint and Natasha were checking the area for signs of where the Winter Soldier had gone with Tony this time . The fires still burned from this attack so they were getting closer . He had no clue where the cars came from . The caravan had been destroyed a little less than two weeks ago . Coulson just shrugged as Natasha was moving back towards them . She pointed off to the west . Natasha was good at tracking where the Winter Soldier was going . He wasn 't going to question her on how she knew which way he was going but he was pretty sure that she had some link to him and wasn 't sharing it with the rest of them . She knew something about him and it was connected to her past that no one but Clint and Coulson . " Cap ! " Clint called out as he jumped over the detached bumper of a car . He had something in his hand and he handed it over as soon as he got close to Steve . " Found this to the west . Figured it had your name all over it . " Steve took whatever it was and looked at it . It was a box that had red , white , and blue ribbon on it . It was in perfect condition . There was no way that it was dropped before the firefight . It had to be planted . He shook it and heard nothing . He opened it and found inside a small MP3 player with headphones nestled inside of scraps of cloth . He threw the scraps of cloth down and was about to pull out the MP3 player when Coulson gasped . Steve looked up at him and seeing where the other man 's eyes were focused , he looked down . On the ground was the scrap of cloth but it wasn 't the cloth itself that was drawing the agent 's eye . It was the hole of cloth that was missing . Everyone there knew where that came from . It was a hole that Tony cut in his shirts to show off the arc reactor . He didn 't wear them out in public of course , but all the Avengers had seen him in one over the many months . This was the exact on that he had been wearing when he had been taken . There was a small hole that Steve recognized . Tony had been soldering and had thrown a spark on his shirt . " He was here . Why would the Winter Soldier let him leave that ? " Natasha asked as she picked up the shirt . She looked confused . Natasha was rarely confused . Turning back to the box , Steve pulled out the MP3 player and looked at it . It was his . He had given it to Tony to fix the day before Tony had left and he hadn 't even thought about it since the other man had been taken . He turned it on but there was nothing new on it . It had been fixed but that was it . " He 's heading farther and farther west . He 's going to the coast . The Russian 's can 't have his contract . He left Russia as soon as he could . Who is west of here ? " Natasha asked looking at Coulson as she handed the shirt over to Steve . Steve pocketed the scrap and the MP3 player , moving over to the jet . There were hundreds of miles of terrain to cover and SHIELD satellites could never find a trace of the Winter Soldier or Tony . It had to be done on tracking alone . Steve looked at the picture of Tony in downtown London with the Winter Soldier beside him . He had his arm looped with the other man 's and was pointing something out . Both were dressed in nicer looking clothes but there had been no activity on Tony 's credit cards or any of his accounts . Tony looked relaxed but alert . He wasn 't scared . The Avengers were in a hotel room in London , trying to use the cameras of the city to track down their wayward member . The Winter Soldier and Tony had been sighted a week ago in the city and there was no other sighting inside the city or any out of it . Until the photo . " We have activity , " Coulson 's face popped up on the TV that was on the dressed . JARVIS had linked the TV to their communications as soon as the Avengers had settled in the room . " Tony was seen inside of a computer store just an hour ago . Pictures snapped by passersby put him there alone but we can 't get confirmation . The CCTVs in the area were shut down . " Steve was the first to enter the computer store . He looked around but there was nothing out of place . The CCTVs had revealed nothing to Coulson but Steve still wanted to look around . He found a computer in the back that had a screen saver up . The screen saver was a picture of Avengers Tower . He clicked the mouse and there was a picture of the Howling Commandos back in the day . Tony had been there . He just wasn 't sure that it meant . Tony wasn 't looking at the sniper . He was looking at where a Hydra agent was trying to shoot at Clint . A blast from his repulsor had the Hydra agent falling but he still didn 't see the bullet heading at him . The Winter Soldier 's arm went up and the bullet was deflected away from Tony . Tony ducked down into an alley and the Winter Soldier followed . Spurred to action , Steve ran to the building and up the far side of it . He was going to go around and drop down on the Winter Soldier to surprise him . He heard Natasha yelling , asking him where he was but he ignored her . He was up on the roof and dropping down between Tony and the Winter Soldier before he could take in the scene he was looking at . " Steve ! " Tony yelled as Steve raised his shield to protect Tony from the Winter Soldier but Tony ducked under his arm and grabbed at the Winter Soldier , pulling him behind himself . That 's when Steve saw that the Winter Soldier had a mass of blood flowing from his side . " Get us out of here ! " Steve looked at Tony and frowned . Why was Tony protecting the Winter Soldier ? The sound of shot after shot drew Steve 's gaze to the opening of the alleyway . Natasha , Clint , and Coulson were standing there making shot after shot with their guns and bow as the Hydra agents tried to scatter . When the last had fallen , Coulson and Clint turned as Natasha took off at a run to them . Thor was up on the top of the building with his hammer in hand , directing blasts down onto the street . Tony drops into his arms like had never been gone . Steve could smell him and hear his heartbeat but other than that there was nothing . There was no scent of his blood , nothing to tell him that he was injured . He didn 't want to let the other man go but he had to look at him . He looked Tony up and down and other than the blood on him from the Winter Soldier that was spotted on his hands , he was in perfect condition . " Because that 's his name . Look we need to get out of here . Hydra had been tracking us and I have tried to leave you clues to let you know I am fine but I feared if they would find us . Where is the Jet ? " " On a hotel a mile from here . Coulson is calling it here now . " Just as Steve finished speaking the jet engine 's whine sounded from the street . Steve pulled Tony to the jet where Clint and Coulson were walking into . Natasha helped ' James ' into the jet and it started to rise into the air . Clint took over for the man flying it and when they were in the air and at a safe distance , Thor entered on the ramp and it started to close . " What is going on ? " Steve asked as Tony moved over to where Natasha and James were . Tony grabbed a gauze strip and held it to the wound while Natasha moved to get the medical kit . " Did you get hurt ? " James asked as he reached out and touched Tony 's arm . There was a spike of jealousy ran through Steve 's body . " I 'm glad . " James 's accent was a thick but it wasn 't a Russian accent . No , it was Brooklyn accent and not a recent one . It was the accents that Steve was used to hearing when he was younger . Steve jerked at it . The large sunglasses that were blocking James 's face were taken off by Tony and the face underneath was like a punch to the gut . He felt his knees give out and then Tony was looking down on him . Bucky was beside him . " No . I am bonded to the Black Widow . That 's not what shocked me out of the programming . I could feel and smell Steve on you . Bonded to Steve and I couldn 't allow you to stay away from him . " Bucky turned to Steve . " Hydra sent me to get Tony out of the grasp of the Ten Rings . The second I did , I touched him and knew . It snapped me out of the programming . The second it did , it told me where Natasha was . I felt her move to where she was following us but I knew that if I turned around , there was every single chance that Hydra would catch and kill me or the Avengers would . I had to try and get to New York and just drop Tony off and then have Natasha find me on her own . Then I saw Captain America with boots on the ground . I knew that this Captain America was my Steve and I waited here in London . I let Tony out on his own , hoping it would draw out Hydra which would draw the Avengers out as well . " " We 'll do a better debrief when you are checked out by doctors . For now , James , sleep . " Natasha pulled him down and cradled him in her arms . It was seconds later and he was asleep . Steve looked at his face as it relaxed . There were differences . He looked older than he really was but given what he had been going through . Being separated from his bonded would age anyone . Steve was sure that he had a few gray hairs from this . JARVIS had told him that the Tower had been fixed and was ready to have Tony work in it again . He looked up to where Coulson and Clint were talking in the cockpit . Thor was sitting at the back of the jet , hammer at the ready for an attack . None of them would be happy till they got home . Share this : TweetShare on TumblrPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Avengers . Tagged Steve Rogers / Tony Stark , Yesterday & Today An Omega Today , Iron Man Yesterday Summary : The world was so vastly different for Steve when he woke up that he wasn 't sure he wanted to be there . The only bright side was that he could now have a job different than the military . Alphas , Betas , and Omegas were normal citizens who could do what they wanted . Steve wasn 't sure what he wanted to be . It took Steve Rogers two months to catch up on the world at large , or at least the history of the world at large . He found the world very changed from the time he went into the ice to the time he woke up . During the war , Steve had been valued as an Alpha . They were wonderful soldiers but on leave , he was treated like dirt outside of the Howling Commandos . One of the first things that he had found out upon waking was that Stark Industries had been the pioneer of treatments to stop heat and the production of pheromones . Alphas had no issue with either of those issues ; Steve knew it was for mainly for Omegas but the suppression of pheromones was wonderful for all of them in the field . It had always been touch and go with missions in World War II . Every single time that the Howling Commandoes had gone on a mission , it had been a crap shoot to hope there wasn 't a Alpha or Beta hiding among the men they were fighting . Most of the time , the others would keep their mouth shut to not be found out but others were crafty and would stumble upon Steve and his group . " Iron Man , " Steve said looking at the man near him . He was sure it was a man , the voice was distorted but manly . It seemed that even SHIELD had no clue who Iron Man was . Steve had tried hard to figure it out but Iron Man was hard to place and figure out . He had met the creator of the armor , Tony Stark , weeks ago for the first time . During Loki 's invasion , Stark had been hidden in the bowels of the ship , away from everyone , even Doctor Banner . In fact it had been a mistake him meeting Stark for the first time . The creator had been wandering around the newly finished Avengers Tower , looking for coffee grounds . Steve had been up for a little while , getting ready for his run . Stark had been staring at coffee pot while it brewed , just staring off into space . He wasn 't sure who the man was at first until he had turned and Steve had caught sight of the Arc Reactor peaking out from under his shirt . Stark hadn 't said a word , just filled his cup and walked away without even really paying attention to Steve . " I wanted to talk to Stark about something . I tried calling him but he never picks up . I was wondering how I go about getting ahold of him another way . " " Thanks , " Steve said as Iron Man flew away . The days battle had been won and talked about . He was sure that Stark would be up all night working on the armor and getting it fixed up . Steve changed and took a jet down to the city , where he was dropped off at a corner place that was used for getting to and from the helicarrier . He was surprised when he stepped out of the house that he was dropped on the top of and found a car waiting for him . A man was standing there . Steve started down the street and was called back by a voice . " Captain Rogers ? " the voice said . It was the man at the car . " Happy Hogan , Sir . Mr . Stark 's personal driver . He 's not at the Tower tonight , instead he is at the Stark Mansion , working on a few things . Iron Man stated that you wanted to speak to him about some things . I was sent to collect you . " " Okay , " Steve said and he moved back towards the car . Happy opened the back seat door and Steve let himself drop into the car . Once Happy got in , he lowered the divider so that they could talk . " Where is the mansion ? " " Not far actually . Mr . Stark goes there on occasion to upgrade the house security and to just get a few days break from the R & D department and from SHIELD . Miss Potts keeps everyone away . " " It was no big thing , Happy . I could talk to him at any time . " Steve felt bad that he was going to intrude on Stark 's alone time away from it all . " No , it 's fine . Mr . Stark was happy to have some company . " Happy smiled at him in the rearview mirror . Steve nodded and turned to look out the window . It took them twenty minutes to get to the mansion but Happy was right as far as New York City went , it wasn 't that far . Stark was waiting at the door when Happy stopped the car in front of the house . Stark waved and Steve got out of the car . Stark looped an arm around Steve 's shoulder and led him into the house , chattering as he did . He wasn 't sure why Stark was so … touchy . Everything single thing he had been told about the man screamed that he didn 't like to be touched . There was the thing that Clint had talked about , about Stark not liking to be handed things . " Nonsense . I needed a break from my break . Anyway I could use your help with something . " Steve got lost as Stark pulled him through the house . There in a bedroom was a giant trunk . " I was going to call Fury and have him send people to move it but you will do nicely . " " That 's not my fault , " Steve said . Tony gave him a rakish smile and Steve found himself blush a little . There was something about Stark … Tony that had his heart racing a little . It had been that way since the beginning . Then there was Iron Man . The personality that he had got to know , Steve found himself drawn to the man in the suit as well . " No , I know . Pepper bothers me about it all the time but I just … " Tony waved and stopped talking , looking at the trunk . " So , this needs to go to the basement where the rest of my father 's things are . " " Get me word from Fury of what you can look at . I am not even sure if you can look at your own file that I have . " Tony laughed and Steve found himself smiling despite the words the other man was saying . " Your father was a great man . " Tony 's face fell so quickly that Steve wasn 't even sure what he had done until he remembered his words . He forgot that Fury had warned him about Tony not liking his father and from what he had read , Howard hadn 't liked his son either . " If you weren 't his son , " Tony said . The tone of his voice told Steve that it was a closed topic and Steve let it go . He picked up the trunk and Tony directed him to the elevator . The trunk wasn 't too heavy for Steve but he could see where Tony would have trouble with it , Tony didn 't look that strong . The truck was very awkward , even for him to carry . While the other man stood in front of him , Steve let himself check the man out . He wasn 't in the past and Fury told him as long as it didn 't make the front page , he didn 't care what Steve did in bed , or who he did . Steve would not turn Tony down … if Tony wanted him . Steve had figured out long ago that he needed to do what he needed to make himself happy and if Tony would make him happy , he would grasp that with open hands . He didn 't care about his Alpha status , not for that . Alphas could be happy with just about everyone . " This is the bigger of the two workout rooms that my father had installed . He liked to vent his frustration on heavy bags so he had two rooms . One is on the second floor and this one is closer to his labs . " " Do you do much ? " Steve looked at Tony 's arms again and this time could see where there was some muscle tone . He was small and it was deceptive on what was on his body . " I have some cardio that I do but as far as fighting , I know how to fight dirty and that 's it . " Tony smiled at him again , showing no pain from the past remark that Steve had made . He was sure that Tony hadn 't forgot about it , just filed it away for a later time to throw in his face . Birth ? There were few things that a child could do to be a disappointment at birth . There was only one big thing that came to Steve 's mind . Tony was either born human or born as a class that Howard didn 't want . Steve remembered Howard talking about wanting a boy and wanting it to be a Alpha . Howard himself was an Alpha and given that Betas were sterile , Tony 's mother had to be just plain human or a Omega . Steve wasn 't going to ask . Tony just opening up like this . He had heard Fury talk about Tony being as talkative about things Fury didn 't need to know and being mute on things he didn . " What can I do for you ? " Tony asked . It threw Steve for a loop . He had forgot that he needed something from Tony . Steve shook his head to try and set his mind to rights . " I … SHIELD gave me a phone but I think that it 's a phone for people the age I should be . " PUlling the phone from his pocket he held it up . Tony started to laugh . " You want a better phone ? " Tony asked holding his hand out . He flipped the phone open and stabbed at for a few seconds with his fingers before he closed it and handed it back . " And lessons . " Steve watched Tony 's face light up even more . He smirked at Steve and clapped him on the back . He motioned for Steve to follow him . They ended up back in the elevator and Tony didn 't say one word . Tony made his way through the rest of the mansion and they appeared in a kitchen . There was food sitting on the counter and Steve wondered why it was there and not in the cupboards where it belonged . Then Steve remembered that Tony didn 't spend that much time there . It was probably better to just leave it out . Tony pulled open the fridge door and pulled out a jug of milk . He set it down on the counter and poured Steve a glass before putting it up . Out of the fridge came a bottle of something green and thick looking that Tony took a drink of . " How about a trade . I 'll get you one of the latest StarkPhones and you teach me to fight . " Tony wasn 't looking at him as he talked . That was something that Pepper had told him about . He didn 't like to look at people when he was asking them something , so that he wouldn 't have to see them turn him down . Steve was finding that being a guy that people could talk to easy was working out in his favor for once . He was sure that he wasn 't prepared for all that Tony was but he was finding the man not as scary as the others were making him out to be . That could be just because the wanted things from Steve as well and was acting well to get what he wanted . " I live in Avengers Tower . At some point , a villain is going to break in . I am sure that some of the villains might even be coming for me . I should know how to fight . Fury wanted me to learn from Hawkeye and Widow but I vetoed that . " The look on Tony 's face said it all . He knew that Tony didn 't trust Natasha as far as he could throw her and since she and Clint were close , Tony probably didn 't trust him much either . Steve wasn 't even sure that Tony trusted him at all . It would be understandable . Steve had only seen the man on a few occasions and just because Steve knew his father , didn 't automatically add trust into the situation . " I 'll text you and we can set up something . I have your number and I 'll let you know when your phone is ready . I have a few ideas in mind on things you might need … " " Tony … " Steve knew that Tony could go overboard . He had seen some of the armors that Iron Man had worn at points . Tony always wanted to go the extra mile , even if two inches was enough . " Don 't worry . I was thinking about doing Superhero phones for a while now . I am sure that Richards would love one … " Toy wandered off drinking his green goop and Steve had to stop and think for a few seconds who Richards was . He wasn 't used to calling the other heroes by their given names , he knew them more by their superhero names . Steve was unsure of what to do . He finished his glass of milk and that 's when it hit him . There were not many people who knew that he liked milk , outside of the Avengers . It was something that his body hadn 't like too much when he had been sickly and now he couldn 't get enough of it . He thought of JARVIS and wondered if the AI had told him . He wondered briefly when the conversation of him liking milk had come up between the AI and his inventor . Pushing it from his mind , Steve let himself from the mansion . Happy was waiting there , door open and smiling . " Get what you need ? " Happy asked as he shut the door to the car . It was seconds and he was sitting in the driver 's seat . " Yes . I think that I did and more than I wanted at that . " Steve wondered how much more than what he wanted was he going to end up with . " Mr . Stark is odd that way . He is rather free with his things . He gives without thought of cost . It 's best just to take what he gives . Only fight him if it is something that you just can 't take for one reason or another . " At the end of the next month , Steve found that he liked his StarkPhone quite a bit . Tony was getting more out of the deal , Steve knew that and he didn 't mind it at all . The other man had been opening up even more over the past month . He was getting smiles from Tony that he had never seen on his face before , even in the news article pictures . The smiles were real and Steve cherished them . He knew that he was falling in love . Steve gave him weekly lessons on fighting . Tony was quick and fit , that was a good thing . Steve had a good grasp of what to do with his phone . He rarely had questions but during his and Tony 's phone lessons , Steve would watch as Tony worked on other things , usually phones and what the other man called tablets . Tony worked and talked quickly and Steve couldn 't follow most of it . It was nice though , he never spoke down to Steve about not knowing any of what Tony was talking about . Instead he just talked as he would to anyone else . Steve was finding that he was picking a lot of it up . Even though most of it went over his head , each day he could understand more and more . " So are we on today ? " Tony asked as he entered the workout room . Steve stopped his warm - up when he got a good look at the other man . He was wearing a black t - shirt , which was odd ; Tony was usually in a tank top of some kind . Second thing that he noticed was that Tony was run down . He remembered hearing the other man talk about repairs to the Iron Man suit , while muttering about his bodyguard not caring how much time he spent repairing things that could easily have been avoided and about some kind of merger that Miss Potts had wanted his help on but he hadn 't paid it much mind , Tony always had a lot of things going . This wasn 't that though . Steve had seen that look on people at SHIELD 's face a lot . When an Omega missed their pills and went into heat . Steve didn 't say a word though . Tony 's personal life was Tony 's personal life . He had read too much about it as it was in the paper but he felt that if it was in print he needed to know . All of the Avengers were asked about Tony 's life on a near daily basis . He was only one that was part of the Initiative that wasn 't in the public eye on a daily basis . " Not if you don 't want to be , " Steve hedged out . He didn 't want to force Tony to do anything . He didn 't want to hurt the man . If Tony 's full thought wasn 't on the training , he could get hurt . Steve laughed and picked up his workout bag . He had brought a few things that he wanted to do with Tony with him but the man was too tired . Steve was sure that a feather could knock him over . " Tony ? " Steve called . The other man didn 't make a move so Steve touched the other man 's shoulder . Tony rolled off of the bench and landed on his feet . His eyes were wide and Steve wasn 't sure what the man was going to do . Tony didn 't do anything , he just stood there . It was a few seconds before Tony really saw that Steve was the one who had touched him . Instead , in those seconds , Steve saw something that he never thought to see . Tony was standing there with one arm at his side and the other stretched out . It was a pose that Steve had seen a lot , when Iron Man was fighting . Before Steve could do anything , Tony collapsed at his feet . Steve rushed forward . There was no one there at the Tower . Every single Avenger except themselves were out on missions . Iron Man was supposed to be on a armor test for a new part of the suit , Steve knew that was a lie . " I have alerted Miss Potts , she is on her way . " JARVIS 's calm voice rushed over Steve and he calmed down . Picking Tony up gently , Steve carried him from the room . JARVIS 's soft voice pointed him in the direction of Tony 's bedroom . The door opened as Steve got to it . Instead of it being like he thought and just be a bedroom , it was just like the other suites , it was a living room of sorts with other rooms branching off of it . There was only one door closed and Steve marched over to it and shifted Tony so that he could open it and he was greeted with the sight of a bedroom . It was plain and normal in a way that Steve was sure was something that Tony was not . He expected something with more flare . Ignoring the room , Steve set Tony down on the bed . The man was drenched in sweat . Steve wasn 't sure what to do so he found the bathroom and wet a washcloth . When he came back out , Tony was curled into a ball in the center of the bed . Steve tried to uncurl him but it didn 't work . Tony was gripping his knees tight with arms and wasn 't letting go . Steve ran his hand down Tony 's back and that 's when the smell hit him . Tony was an Omega . It wasn 't a full heat but it was something like it . Not understanding why Tony was in pain and unconscious , Steve tried to calm him down by rubbing his back . Tony seemed to relax . He didn 't hear the opening of the door nor the click of the heels over the floor until Pepper was there beside him with a needle . " Howard Stark created a serum that was supposed to have stop the heats for Omegas . He tried it on Tony . " Pepper said as she shoved the needle at him again . Steve took it this time . The liquid was a pale green color . " It seemed to work . This is what Tony is like now during most of his heats . He curls into a ball for days and then just wakes up . He only has on average one a year . Whatever magic Loki used on Tony about a month back , it stopped Tony 's own suppressants from working . It has also seemed to counteract whatever his father did to him . This is his second heat . Yesterday was a normal day . He locked himself up and beat up a robot . I had hoped that it meant he was fixed . Then JARVIS alerted me . " " About his personal business , it 's not like he is needed ? " Pepper asked . Steve looked up at her . It was a tone of voice that he had never heard come out of her mouth . She was glaring at him in a way that made Steve want to run for cover . " Why would he need to ? " " No . Because Iron Man is lying right there . When I scared him not to long ago , he jumped up and tried to fire his repulsors at me . " " Oh , " Pepper said , her face not changing at all . She sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed . " I figured it would be Coulson who figured it out first . Tony was sure that no one would . " " He 's been very good at hiding it all this time , " Steve said as he looked back down at Tony . The pain had to be going away because Tony was relaxing by the second it seemed . Reaching out , Steve brushed a lock of hair back from Tony 's forehead . " Why ? " " Because as much as Howard went for equality for the Alphas , Betas , and Omegas , he hated his son for not being an Alpha . Being an Omega was a shame for Tony . You , Bruce , Thor , and even Natasha are Alphas . Clint is a Beta . He 's tried so hard all his life to hide what he was . Especially after the death of his father . There would have been those that would take what was his because he was an Omega . Even now , there are those who call for an Omega to be added to the team but where is that Omega ? " Steve lowered his head so that he didn 't have to look at her . He had heard those cries and while the Avengers were supposed to protect the entire world , there was a small population that wasn 't shown . Steve himself had been searching for a super hero that was an Omega ; they either didn 't exist or were hiding because of the stigma . " There is one right there , " Pepper said pointing at Tony . Steve looked at him . Tony looked so small on the bed and Steve 's heart broke a little . " You 'll just have to convince him to come out to the world . " " And you think that I can do that ? " Steve asked . He reached out to wipe at Tony 's face again . He wasn 't sweating as much as he had been but Steve still wiped down his face and neck again . " I think that you are the only one who can , " Pepper said . Steve barely heard and he turned to look at her , only to find her going out the door . He stared at where she had shut the door for a while before turning back to Tony . He set the washcloth down on the bedside table and stood up to shift Tony around in the bed to cover him up . When he was done and Tony was resting better , Steve left the room . Steve moved to the common room and sat down . He picked up the StarkTablet that was left lying on the coffee table . Steve was used to seeing it lying around . Tony was always forgetting where he left it . He turned it on and waited for it to start up . A blinking space for a password had Steve staring at it for a few seconds . He was about to turn it off when the sound of a small cough had him looking up to see who had come into the room . There was no one . Steve looked up at a small camera , as if staring there would give him the answer . Iron Man protected Tony and Pepper and sometimes the world when he worked with the Avengers . That 's when the answer hit him , Iron Man always protected Captain America . It always irked him that the bodyguard in the suit ignored orders and went after him . He had always figured that Fury had told Iron Man to make sure that Steve didn 't do anything stupid in the beginning . When Steve had been lost in the pain of the past but now … Steve typed in his own name and it allowed him access . It took Steve a while . The tablet was much like his phone but there were differences . He accessed files all over the device , never finding what he was looking for . Tony had to have access to records on super heroes . He had to have created files that documented all Omega super heroes . He knew Tony would want to protect them . He found a file that was hidden and it was hidden well . It was titled War Machine and Steve had passed it several times and had thought it was about it the suit . Instead it was a listing of the super heroes by their status . The Alphas and Betas were listed with the Omega 's in another column . Their names were in some kind of code though . Steve sighed and closed the file , wiping the history like Tony had taught him . As far as Tony knew , Pepper had Happy carry him to his room and Steve didn 't know either of his secrets . Life went on and Tony was as happy as he could be . He didn 't know that his AI was plotting against him with his two friends . That all three were trying to push him together with Steve . He was never going to see it coming . " All cameras are down . JARVIS did an EMP in the area . Hulk already had the faceplate off before I could stop him and lift it up without breaking it . " " Or you can go out there and talk to the press , " Steve ventured . Tony just glared at him . " It 's better to do it on your own terms , Stark . You can control it then . " " No , it 's time to stop hiding . I 'll show the world what we Omegas can do , " Tony stated . Black Widow smiled at him and reached an arm out . She linked his arm with hers and started walking him towards the crowd forming at the edge of the area . The rest of the Avengers walked behind them , letting Tony stay up front in his armor . An Omega had just saved the world and New York . No one could say one thing about Tony being Iron Man or him being an Omega . Steve just wished he could shove the headlines of tomorrow 's paper down Howard 's throat . QPid 's Arrow00Q / Sherlock Fanfiction and Literary Fun00Q Reverse Big Bang ! 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1 Comment » When we went to the playground the other day , my two - year old son , Eddie , insisted on taking his two Elmo dolls with us . One is large and covered in red fur . The other is small and made of red cloth . Eddie placed the two dolls down on the ground when he went to play with the digger , a shovel that is controlled by two levers . The closest he has to a sibling is an Elmo doll . Next to the digger was a roundabout , a big metal disc that children run alongside and then hop on . There were two boys on the roundabout who must have been brothers as they looked almost identical . By the time Eddie got off the digger and went over to the roundabout , the two boys had moved on . Eddie placed his two Elmo dolls on the roundabout and then sat down . I grabbed one of the rails and ran around the outside of the disc to get it spinning . He climbed down with the two dolls and went over to the swings , where the two brothers had gone . There was one boy in each swing , and their father was pushing both of them at once . Eddie stood behind them and watched . The boys soon got down from the swings and left . Eddie placed the larger Elmo doll in one of the swings and pushed once but soon saw the slides across the way . He grabbed the doll and walked over . The slides were attached to a big plastic tree , which was hollowed out on the bottom and had a tree house on top . Eddie walked into the hollowed out bottom and placed his two Elmo dolls on the floor . He walked over to one of the windows in the tree and popped his head out . Soon , a girl who was a lot taller than Eddie , walked into the hollowed out bottom and began talking to my son . She had an English accent and was telling Eddie that her name was Victoria , and she was three years old . I couldn 't hear what else she 'd said , but the next thing I saw was her holding Eddie 's hand and guiding him up the stairs to tree house . My husband and I sometimes regret not having another child because we deprived Eddie of a sibling . We try to fill the void by running around with him , hiding behind trees , kicking balls , playing tag , but it 's tiring . My husband and I are close to 50 . We don 't have the stamina to be siblings . People who practice yoga and other mystical voodoo believe if you ask the universe for things , it will give them to you . After seeing those two boys together at the playground , I wished Eddie had a sibling - and then along came Victoria . She wasn 't just a playmate . She was as nurturing and avuncular as an older sister . " But you mustn 't stay down here . The water will be rising , and we 're all going to drown , " she said . " I 'll take your hand , okay ? He ignored me and began to climb the ladder . Victoria was soon at my side , and said , " I 'll go up behind him . " She scooted up the ladder behind Eddie . As he neared the top , he didn 't seem to have the strength to lift his foot high enough to reach the top rung . He began to fall backward . Victoria caught him , and then I caught her . Eddie didn 't want to go on the baby swings , which are fully enclosed like little baskets . He wanted to ride on the regular swings . I placed him on one and told him to hold onto the metal chains . I gave him a little push and told him to then use his legs to keep up the momentum , but he didn 't understand how to do that . Victoria offered to push him , but she did it in a very jerky manner , pushing him from the front rather than the back and shoving him rather than gently pushing . " Ice , " Eddie said . I went to the car to get Eddie 's lunch bag , which had ice . He held it briefly on his arm , and when he seemed sufficiently recovered , Victoria took his hand again and began pulling it . She walked us to our car and said goodbye and rubbed the side of Eddie 's arm . It was good we met Victoria , because she caught him when he nearly fell off the ladder . But she was as cloying and bossy as an older sister . As we drove off , I think Eddie was happy to be alone again . Leave a Comment » When I was growing up , there was a little cluster of amusement rides off of Hempstead Turnpike called Jolly Rogers . The amusements were covered in a thin layer of car exhaust , the ferris wheel had rusty cages that were totally enclosed , and the rides were jammed in so close together , it was like the inside of a storage unit . This small amusement park was to Six Flags what a petting zoo is to a working farm . But I loved Jolly Rogers , and the stomach - dropping thrill of going round and round and up and down . Spinning around in the tea cups made me laugh in a way I don 't laugh anymore . And the way the Tilt - o - Whirl whipped you around like a lasso was both frightening and titillating . For years , every time we 'd pass Jolly Rogers in our car , my heart would beat a little faster . Tilt - A - Whirl I 'd forgotten about that childhood excitement until last night , when we took our two - year - old son , Eddie , to a carnival . Upon seeing the rides , if my son were slightly more verbal , he would have said , " Oh my gosh . Oh my gosh . I want to go on the ferriswheelrollercoastercarouseltilt - o - whirlteacupsswingsdinosaurride ! " But instead , he would just point his chubby little index finger like a ray gun and say , " That one ! " and my husband and I would put him on that ride . We started off slowly , putting him on a children 's ride that had an apple centerpiece and was surrounded by cars shaped like lady bugs . The man operating the ride wore a safari hat and would tell the children as they got on , " The secret word is ' applesauce . ' " Once the ride began moving , he 'd say , " What 's the secret word ? " and they 'd shout " Applesauce ! " as their cars chugged by . Next stop was the carousel . Eddie wanted to ride one of the horses that went up and down - a black one , to be specific - so I got on the ride with him . I stood next to his horse and grasped tightly to a bar behind him as the circular motion of rides now gives me vertigo . Ooh , ooh I want to go here . No , wait , I want to go there . I then took him on the Ferris wheel . Every time our car would ascend high into the air and then over the top of the wheel , I would say , " Weeeeeee ! " and then " Look how beautiful ! " and point to the rides below . I was trying to assuage his fear , though he didn 't seem to have any . It 's me who now gets light - headed and queasy when I look down from a great height . As our car rocked back and forth at the top of the wheel , I looked down at a ride called The Screamer , which resembled the hammer - like machine that pumps oil out of a well , only it rotated 360 , and I thought there must be a lot of vomit in that car . I also thought if Eddie wants to ride that one , he 's on his own . I can no longer stomach rides that put me upside down . The seats weren 't large enough for adults , so he was going to be riding this one alone . As we stood on line , I had him grab the bars of the railing next to us and kept saying " Hold tight . Show me . Hold tight , " and as he grasped the rail , I kept trying to pull his hands off so he could show me how tight he could hold . When the man operating the ride opened the entry gate , Eddie and all the other riders swarmed the cars . Eddie wound up in a seat alone . Two children were then turned away because the ride was full . So I picked Eddie up and put him in the first car , next to an older girl who seemed capable of saving my child 's life if he was about to fly out . I then saw her practicing lifting her hands in the air as she planned to do when the car flew down a hill . So much for my lessons in how to grasp a rail . You ain 't goin on that one , sunshine . Soon , the ride started , and I watched my son get whipped around in the car , the weight of the older girl pressing him toward the outside of the car . He was holding on so tightly to the bar in the car , I 'm sure his knuckles were white . But his face was beaming . As I watched him fly by , his shoulder length hair flying back in the wind , I could feel his joy and almost remember a life without fear . 5 Comments » Parents who tell their children to use their " inside voice " in restaurants must not have a child who yells , because inside is where my son screams the most . He yells at the top of his lungs when he doesn 't want me to put him in the bath . He then yells when I try to lift him out . He yells when he doesn 't like the meal I 've served him , and he yells when I take it away . This morning , as I lifted him out of the tub to get dressed , he let such a loud , sharp scream , I was sure somewhere in the world , glass had shattered . " Eddie ! Stop it ! " I yelled back , startling him . His eyes then welled up , his bottom lip began to protrude , and he started to cry . " I 'm sorry , pal . I 'm sorry , " I said , pressing him against me . " But I just hate when you yell like that ! " And I do . If phases have names , we 're most definitely in " The Yelling Phase . " And he does it in the most routine situations , like when I 'm putting on his seat belt or changing his diaper . He yells really loudly , too . Last night , I had him on my lap when he let out a blood curdling scream , inches from my ear . If we were a comic strip , his mouth would have been a large " O " and my eyes would have turned into two " + " signs . I lifted him up like a stinky object and handed him to my husband . The yelling has been going on for several weeks now , and this morning , I was almost at my wit 's end . Before we even left for school , he had unleashed a hefty spirited scream about five times , and being eminently mature , I yelled back at him three out of those five . The fifth time , I lifted him into the air and said , " That 's it ! We 're doing a ' Time Out . ' My pediatrician suggested I try it , particularly when I 'm feeling frustrated , because it gives us both a breather . But as I hastily carried him from the living room to the dining room to set him down in our wing back chair , I remembered the chair was no longer there because we 'd temporarily moved it out to the front porch . So I carried him back and forth between the living room and the dining room , his feet dangling , not knowing where to place him . I finally just set him back down on the floor and said , " Don 't do that . " On the way to school , he screamed two more times in the car . I carried him into his classroom and placed him down on the floor and said to his teacher , " Is yelling a phase ? Because he keeps yelling at me at the top of his lungs . I need to know it 's normal , and I need to know it 's going to end . " As I continued telling his teacher what he 'd been doing , Eddie looked up at me with eyes that seemed to say , " Why are you telling them this ? They like me here . " Not only was I talking about him in front of him , but I was taking our private matter , born out of a particular dynamic between us , and revealing it to everyone at school , where they thought he was the happiest , most gentle child . " Smiley , " they call him . I felt like he was Mr . Popular , and I 'd just whispered in everyone 's ears why he shouldn 't be . For the rest of the morning , I kept having a vision of Eddie 's eyes looking at me as I told his teacher about the crimes he 'd been committing at home . I had betrayed him . " That 's not what he was thinking , ' said Eileen , the woman who stands behind the counter at the café I go to every morning . " I 'm projecting ? " The teacher then said Eddie yelled a lot more at school that morning . Superb , I thought . I 've turned my angelic little child into a behavioral problem at school . And now it 's all going to feed on itself . Eddie will feel angry at home , and then when I react badly to it , he 'll feel unloved . He 'll then go to school feeling depressed and unloved and will then act out , until they start reacting badly to him at school , too . He 'll then bounce back and forth between these two hostile worlds , feeling no love anywhere . This yelling felt like a game changer . I have managed not to screw him up , until now . But the screaming was getting me so frustrated , I was getting angry at him . The only time he 's not yelling . As we drove home from school , he yelled a couple of times in the car . When we got home , I walked him over to the little park near our house , like I always do , to let him blow off a little energy before his nap . I found myself walking a little ahead of him on the sidewalk and not turning around right away when he called me , out of spite . I was mad . I was tired of him yelling at me . But I couldn 't be mad for very long . We 'd brought a ball to the park , and he kicked it and then ran after it , and before he could kick it again , I interceded and kicked it . He then ran over to the ball and kicked it , and then I stepped in again and kicked it . Soon , we were both vying for the ball , trying to take it away from each other , and I felt like all was forgiven . And as I said that , he looked up at me teary - eyed and then moved his mouth in an exaggerated motion , pretending to yell . He knew exactly what I was talking about . I knew I wasn 't projecting . Read Full Post » 5 Comments » Somewhere along the line , maybe at a garage sale or antique store , I picked up a book called " Don ' ts for Mothers . " The word " Don ' ts " is underlined . It 's a small hard - covered book , about four inches high and three inches wide , that says at the bottom " 1878 , " though it 's in such pristine condition , the book has clearly been re - issued . Under a section entitled " Ablution , " it says , " Don 't feel it necessary to wash your infant 's head with brandy . " It further states , " Don 't use white lead as a powder . Some are in the habit of using it , but as this is a poison , it ought on no account be resorted to . " The book says , " Don 't allow a babe 's clothes to become wet with urine . Children can be taught cleanliness by putting a vessel under their lap when there is a sign of evacuation . " So I guess I didn 't need to buy eight DVDs about potty time featuring Elmo and other cartoon characters , going to the bathroom , wiping themselves and then flushing the toilet . Under " Diet , " the book says , " Don 't add either gin or oil of peppermint to the babe 's food . It is a murderous practice . " Well , there goes that recipe . Under " Health , " it says , " Don 't use a pacifier . Its prolonged use is harmful , and is apt to be followed by thick , misshapen lips , irregular teeth , and a deformed palate . " Eddie still uses a pacifier at night , and he 's now two . It soothes him in a way I cannot , unless I were to stand next to him every night for half an hour until he falls asleep . I 'm probably more addicted to it at this point than he is . " Don 't kiss your infant on the mouth . Diphtheria , tuberculosis and syphilis have often been communicated in this manner . " While it 's hard to imagine giving my child syphilis , I 've found other good reasons not to kiss him on the mouth . " Don 't suppress noise . If he chooses to blow a whistle , or to spring a rattle , or make any other hideous noise which to him is sweet music , he should be allowed to do so . " God , I hate when he yells in my ear . Over - feeding a child can cause stupidity . 1 Comment » I pick my two - year old son , Eddie , up from daycare every day at noon , and we have about an hour - and - a - half to fill before he goes down for his nap . It 's a funny amount of time because it 's too short to do something fun , like go to a movie , but too long to just go in the house and read a book or play with a toy . So we usually break it up , doing a bit of this and a bit of that , and invariably end up at the park just near my house that is affectionately called " Pooper 's Park " because so many people take their dogs there to do their business . How do you lose a ball this size ? We were about to head over to the park yesterday when I remembered our neighbor , Sheila , had given us a large blue ball . It was an exercise ball , though the smaller version , and it made the perfect child 's toy . We took it with us to the park . Eddie and I rolled it back and forth , and kicked it around for a couple of minutes , but when it rolled off and Eddie became interested in a nearby tree , I pulled out my phone to check my email . I 'm a compulsive person by nature , so checking my email is not just a convenience but a psychological fixation . Smart phones have only made my preoccupation worse . When I looked up from my phone , Eddie said , " Ball ? " I looked around the park and it was nowhere to be found . I had been derelict in my duties and now the ball was gone . I feared the next time it might be my son . It wasn 't the first time I " left the room " as they say , while playing with Eddie . Last summer , Eddie and I were at the beach , and he found a little plastic yellow ring . It had a big circle on it with a little dot in the center , reminiscent of Underdog 's ring . Eddie didn 't want to wear the ring . He found a place on the tidal flats where the water gathered , like a river , and he wanted to keep putting the ring in the water to watch it float . I showed him how to move the ring by making waves behind it , creating a current . We did that over and over again until Eddie decided to bury the ring . He dug in the sand and found it but then promptly buried it again . We played this game over and over again until he buried it too well , and he couldn 't find it . I dug into the sand and found it and gave it to him . He buried it again , and again I found it . But after a minute or two , I began to daydream , and this time he buried the ring so well I couldn 't find it because I didn 't see where he 'd buried it . I began to frantically fish my hands under the sand , to no avail . I chastised myself for having daydreamed when I was on duty . What if he was in the ocean one day , and I began to day dream , I thought . I continued to feel around under the sand , from one end of the pool of water to the other , and finally , after a few minutes , I felt something in the sand and yanked it out . I was so relieved to find this object that had quickly become precious . And now I 'd done it again . I scanned the perimeter of the Pooper 's Park , but there was no sign of the ball . As I looked around the park , it was hard to imagine how one loses a ball of this size . If balls were boats , this would be a 10 - story cruise ship . It was windy out , so I determined which way the wind was blowing and walked over to the houses along that side of the park . I peaked in all the yards and under trees along that side , reasoning that the ball could not have disappeared . The wind must have moved it somewhere . There are times in a parent 's life when you feel like your kid is counting on you . The only thing between them and the horrors of the world is you . This was probably not one of those times , but having fallen asleep on the job , I felt like it was . I was determined to find the ball . " You look on that side of the street . I 'll look on this side , " I told my son , pointing to the houses he was supposed to survey . I thought he was too young to understand my instructions , but when I looked over at him , I saw him looking out the window on his appointed side . " Wait , is that it ? " I said and stopped the car and hopped out . I peered down an alley , but it was just a planter . The day our neighbor gave Eddie the ball . We drove about five blocks and when I got as far as our little grocery market , I knew the ball couldn 't possibly have gone this far . I had failed . I took a right turn , and then another right , and started heading home on a parallel street . I was disappointed . I didn 't just want to find the ball . I needed to , for my son 's sake . And for my own . I wanted to make up for all the times I 'd wronged him by spacing out , or checking my email or talking on the phone , or wandering off to weed some garden bed while he waited for me to come over to him . " Come , mommy , come . Mommy , come , mommy . Come , " he 'll say over and over again some days , and sometimes , I don 't come right away . I grabbed the ball and handed it to my son . " Your ball , buddy . It 's your ball . Mommy found your ball ! " I said , as I slid back into the driver 's seat . As I put the car in gear , I looked at my son in the rear view mirror and saw that I was more excited than he was . But then for him it was just a ball . For me , it was salvation . 1 Comment » I took my two - year old son , Eddie , to a nearby playground . The last time we were here , he was enamored with one particular slide . It was a plastic yellow slide that had a little ripple in it , but I 'm sure it was the steep climb up about 10 large metal steps that attracted him . Eddie likes a challenge , and while a playground usually has two different sections - one with small slides and monkey bars for little children and another with larger slides and bars for older children - Eddie has always gravitated toward the big kids ' equipment . The yellow slide with the ripple In fact , the last time we were at this playground , I couldn 't get Eddie off of this one particular slide . It was sort of annoying , actually . The metal steps were so steep , I kept fearing he would slip off of them and so every time he begin to climb them , I 'd climb up behind him . As we 'd near the top , I 'd run back down the steps so I could be at the bottom of the slide by the time he slid down , lest he shoot off the end and into the dirt . It was frightening because several times , he 'd hesitate at the top of the steps and instead of sitting down on the slide , he 'd start to climb back down the steps , and by that time , I was too far to run up the steps behind him and catch him if he fell . But whether he went forward or backward , he so enjoyed this slide last time we were here that I had to carry him out of the playground and to the car kicking and crying because he didn 't want to leave it . This time at the playground was no different . As soon as we arrived , Eddie headed straight for the yellow slide with the ripple and began to ascend the steep stairs . I was surprised to see how much he 'd grown . He climbed up the stairs with such vigor . He was much bigger and more capable . He launched up the steps and held onto the railings with each step with such firmness that his hands seem to be propelling him upward almost as much as his feet . He seemed so steady , I didn 't even bother to follow him up the stairs . What a difference several months makes , I thought . The stairs were suddenly too scary . " Okay , you don 't have to go , " I said . " But I know you can do it . You did it when you were just a baby , and you 're even bigger now . " He ignored me and kept climbing down the stairs . When he reached the bottom , he didn 't say anything . He just walked off in the direction of something smaller and more manageable . Even the smaller slide seemed intimidating I walked over with him to a little piece of equipment in a patch of sand in the far corner of the playground that simulated a digger truck . You sit on what looks like the seat of a see - saw and pull back on two levers , which operate the scoop . Eddie played on the sand digger for about five minutes , scooping up so much sand that he created a little hole . I kept having to push more dirt into the path of the digger so that he 'd have some soil to pick up . Apparently , the digger belonged to Eddie . He eventually tired of the digger and wandered over to the side of the playground meant for young children . There was a short slide , which had a small ladder that led up to a tube , and on the other side of the tube was a large metal dinosaur . Eddie started to crawl through the tube but when he saw the dinosaur , he began to back out of the tube like a cat backing away from a predator . He made a face like he was scared , though it looked fake . And yet every time he started down the tube toward the dinosaur , he 'd retreat again and back out of the tube . I had to stand at the front of the tube and coax him forward to make him go through . Once through , he walked over to the small slide , and he stood at the top of it for about 45 seconds before getting up the nerve to come down . But after doing it once , he seemed more confident and ran back up a small set of stairs to do it again . And yet again when he reached the top of the slide , he hesitated . It was only when he saw another young boy go over to the sand digger he 'd been playing with earlier that he practically dove down the slide . Eddie played with the digger for several minutes , but after a while , even he grew bored . I suggested we try the swing , and he agreed . As he swung back and forth like a pendulum finding balance , his face grew more relaxed , and he returned to a place more familiar . |
" How is he ? " Gabriel 's long strides were nearly impossible to keep up with , and racing through hospitals wasn 't what her heels had been designed for . They skidded to a stop next to a tiny gray - headed lady , seated next to a window . She looked up at him , and Gabriel 's hand slid out of Holly 's . He sank to sit on his heels , putting both hands on the woman 's arms . Then he knelt for real and gathered his mother to him . Watching the scene , Holly wrapped her arms around herself , feeling the chill of where they were and what was happening . Slowly she shook her head . " They just told me to wait here . " Her gaze searched his . " They told me not to come back there , that they would do everything they could . " " Okay . " It was clear he was trying to comfort her , but with little to go on , that was difficult . " When did it happen ? Were you at home ? " " He went out in the garage . He was just going to get a screwdriver to fix my can opener . " Sobs overtook her as all pretense at being strong crumbled . " I don 't know how long he was out there . I don 't know . All of a sudden I thought he 'd been gone a long time . I didn 't know … " She looked at Gabriel in utter desperation . " I would 've gone looking sooner had I known . " " No , Mama . No . " He gathered her into his arms again . " It wasn 't your fault . It wasn 't . " His gaze floated up to Holly pleading for her to do something . But what could she do ? What could anyone do ? The question drove into her heart as his gaze fell into the effort of comforting his grieving , frightened mother . Still , the beseeching of his spirit pulled her toward them . Not knowing what else to do , she stepped over and sat in the chair on the other side of his mother . Gently she put her hand on the lady 's shoulder . She was so frail , so tiny . Her shoulders felt like mere bones . Holly had never felt so helpless , so utterly devoid of any way to make one ounce of difference in this woman 's life , much less in the life of her son . The voice yanked all three of them upright . From the floor in front of his mother , Gabriel stood . The doctor had stopped not three feet from them . Gabriel 's mother got to her feet , and Gabriel reached over to support her . The doctor looked first to Gabriel , then to Holly , then to the frail lady in front of him . His gaze fell in apology . " Ma ' am , I 'm sorry … " Holly followed his lead as Gabriel sat his mother in the chair . Then she stepped back helplessly as he tried to calm her . A moment and Holly looked at the doctor , trying to figure out what she should do . Should she ask ? Was that her place ? Then she realized it should be Gabriel dealing with this part . So , knowing this was going to require both of them working as a team , she sat down , and with no real words told Gabriel she would take care of his mother . There was a numbness to his movements as he transferred his mother to her , and she was as worried for him as for the lady now in her arms . Gently she let the bowed and quaking shoulders lean into her . She nodded to him and bent her head over the grieving woman , gathering her in . " God , " Holly begged silently , " we need You here . Please . We need You . Gabriel needs You . I need You . How can this be happening ? " Questions . Thoughts . Memories . They raced through her in no definite patterns . Gabriel 's dad was gone . Gone . He was here , and now he was gone . Trying to get her mind around that concept was impossible . She 'd just seen him earlier in the afternoon giving orders , making sure everything was perfect . Now it was , and he was gone . " Shh , " she soothed the lady still quaking in her arms . She bent her lips to the lady 's hairspray stiff hair , wishing she could do more . Running her hand up and down the lady 's back , she could think of nothing else to do for her . Everything seemed pathetically inconsequential . And then , Gabriel was standing in front of her again . Her gaze caught his shoes just as her spirit caught his presence . His hands were on his hips , and suddenly he looked very tired . It was truly amazing how quickly he 'd gone from gorgeous to haggard . He stood for a moment more looking down at them , pushed his fingers through his hair in thought , and then , gathering himself , he sat on his heels in front of his mother . " Mama . " He tilted his head slightly . " Mama ? The doctor said he went peacefully . It was over very fast . " The words were tearing him apart , but he said them just the same . " He was gone before they got there . He didn 't suffer . " Holly began to wonder who he was trying to convince and comfort - his mother or himself . Her heart went out to him , trying so hard even as his own heart split in two . Then she felt the nodding , and her gaze fell from him to his mother . He was holding her hands now , speaking right to her although she never really looked up . The tiny house was quiet . Holly stood , finishing up the dishes in the sink . The electric can opener still lay forlornly on the cabinet , untouched . She tried not to think about it , focusing instead on the fact that the last thing they needed was to be worried about dishes the next morning . She could do nothing to really help them , so she did the only thing she could find to do . In the doorway , Gabriel appeared , not stepping into the room . Instead he leaned on the doorframe watching her . When she looked over at him , his eyes were blank and filled with exhaustion . The blinks were slow and heavy . His hands were in his pockets , and for a long moment he didn 't move . " She 's asleep . " Holly looked at him , scared for him , for what came next . " Good . " She let her gaze stay on him . What to say to take the grief away wouldn 't come . One look and she left the dishwater . Stepping to him , she tilted her head and smiled sadly as her gaze searched his . What it found was fear , exhaustion , and pain so deep there seemed no bottom . No words came as she simply stepped to him and put her arms around him . He caught hold of her like a drowning man in a riptide . Her arms arched up and over his shoulders , gathering him to her , pulling his head down onto her shoulder . Holly nodded in agreement although his father 's peace was doing nothing to assuage the anguish his family was in . Another moment and Gabriel let out a hard breath . He shook his head as stone - seriousness dropped to his face . He scratched his head and tried to look at her , which didn 't really work . " They 're going to take the body to Graham 's Funeral Home tomorrow . " The fight to deal only in details was evident . " They 'd already made the arrangements . I think Dad did it the last time , so we wouldn 't have to worry about it if … " Gabriel stopped . " I 'm sure Mom will want to meet with Father Monihan in the morning after Mass . They probably have that whole thing planned too for all I know . " " Oh , God , how can he just be gone like that ? How ? God , this isn 't fair . He had so much more to do , so many people counting on him . " Knowing it was all she could do , she knelt in front of him . Her love was going to have to be enough . It was all she had . " He loved you , Gabriel . He loved you so much . " Once more she gathered him into her arms . " We 're going to get through this . I promise . Okay ? You 're not alone . I 'm right here . " And at that moment , the assurance was as much for her as it was for him . The next morning the pickup made its way slowly up the driveway toward the mansion . Holly , still in her dress from the night before , sat between his mother and him . She didn 't touch him , didn 't even reach out for his hand , but he was glad she was there just the same . At the apex of the circle drive , Gabe put the pickup in park and reached for his door handle . Wordlessly , he climbed out and then offered her his hand as she slid out . He simply nodded , not trusting his voice . She reached out for him then , and he gathered her into his arms . Now he knew for sure , it wasn 't the dress or the movie star quality that made him love her , it was her amazing ability to make him feel like everything would be all right even when life was falling apart around him . He squeezed his eyes closed , trying to capture that feeling for one more moment . Then reluctantly he released her . She stepped back , tears glinting in her eyes . Again , he nodded . It wasn 't that he didn 't want to tell her , it was just that he couldn 't trust himself . Moving to the side , she let him get back into the pickup . With a slight wave in her direction , he put it in reverse and backed away . She was still standing there , watching him go as he drove out of the gate . " Oh , God , be with them , " Holly whispered . The prayers flowed through her as she turned to climb the steps . She let herself in quietly . Gabriel had called Rosa last night when they got home . The maid , who apparently was a good friend of his parents , had shown up with a huge pan of rolls for them this morning . So it was pretty certain that anyone who wanted to know here already did . Holly tried to push Rosa 's coolness toward her during the brief visit from her consciousness . It wasn 't outright hostility , but it wasn 't acceptance either . Although she was warm and consoling to Gabriel and his mother , there was no mistaking the double - take she did that Holly was still there . That was okay . It didn 't matter what anyone else thought . What mattered was that she was there for Gabriel when he needed her . She was too exhausted to summon any angelic help . In fact , she never even thought about needing any . She simply walked to the sitting room door . " Yes ? " " I know . We heard . " The wave dismissed that issue completely . Her mother walked to the table with the plants . She picked up the watering can and did a passing job of watering the plants there . " I guess you 've notice we 're not gone . " " Ruined … " The word , meant to slice her to ribbons , went through the exhaustion , grief , and numbness meeting nothing . " I didn 't ruin anything . Gabriel needed me . " " Gabriel . Gabriel . Gabriel . Let me explain something about Gabriel . Gabriel is a guy . A boy really . He will use you as long as it suits him or until you are no longer needed , and then he will discard you for a newer model . " Her laugh bordered on sadistic . " You think he 's in love with you ? You think he cares about you ? Get real , Holly . He 's using you , and as soon as he gets enough of what he wants , he will be gone . " " Oh , my . Open your eyes , Darling . They 're all like that , but the poor ones are worse . At least the rich ones only want your body . The poor ones want your body and your money . " Like a whip hitting its mark , the words tore at her spirit , ripping the new fabric of it with cruel precision . Ache reached up and grabbed her tight and hard . She wanted to run , but to where would she run ? Worse , this time she couldn 't run . Gabriel needed her too much , and she wasn 't about to add to his burdens by taking off . " I 'm going to my room , " she said , letting the numbness overtake her again . She needed to talk to someone , but not like this . She turned on her heel and ran smack into Luke . " I thought I heard you come in . " He put his hands on her arms and held her out so he could look at her . " How are Gabriel and his mother ? " Holly nodded , the events piling onto her so that she might crack at any moment . The longer he held her like that , the harder it became to hold it all back . She squeezed her eyes closed , willing the tears away , but they were too heavy . " Oh , sweetheart . " He pulled her into his arms , and the flood of tears that had been building for 12 hours burst through its dam . They came , spilling over her eyelashes in torrents she had no control over . The helplessness , the exhaustion , the grief , the fear . It all came flowing out . Had she been able to think , she would have known how dangerous this was , but she couldn 't think . It hurt too much . " You 're exhausted , " Luke said , looking at her with sympathy . " Why don 't you go on up and lie down ? We 'll come get you if he calls . " Holly nodded , her system in shock from all the hits it had taken . With not even a backward glance , she walked out , climbed the stairs , and went to her room . At her mirror , she gazed at the shadow of herself looking back . Her hair , now down , was a wreck . The dress was hopelessly wrinkled . She 'd wanted last night to be so perfect , and it was for one flash of a moment . Pushing everything that had happened since away , she went to the bathroom , drew a bath , and climbed into the warm water . She let her mind drift through that one moment of being in his arms , swaying together . His gaze searching hers . Had it even really happened ? Maybe she had dreamt the whole thing . Maybe she had misread the desire in his eyes . Dark doubts clouded over her mind as her mother 's words cut through the memories . The words weren 't true , but they rang in her head like an unwanted bell just the same . Did her mother think that of even Luke ? Luke , who had been so wonderful to them ? It seemed utterly incomprehensible , and yet it was true . Holly knew it to be true . Luke was a rung on a ladder , and one day her mother would leave him behind as well . Staring into a future that had no solidity , Holly 's heart panged forward . And when Luke was gone , what then ? If she couldn 't come back here … If Gabriel finished school and moved on … ? If her mother changed course again … then what ? The water had grown tepid , and her mind was shutting down . Sleeping on a rock hard couch in a satin dress had done nothing for REM sleep . She pulled herself out of the tub , grabbed her robe from the hook , and padded out to the bed . Thinking she would just lay down for a minute or two , she collapsed into the pillows . Sleep drifted over her , but it was laced with ugly thoughts and terrifying visions of a future she couldn 't really see . Gabe didn 't want to , but he 'd promised to call her . So when they made it back from taking his father 's best suit to the funeral home , he picked up the kitchen phone and placed the call . One ring . Two . " Holly ? Yes , I believe so . Just a minute . " There was the noise of the phone knocking into the cabinet . In the background he could hear the voices and just barely make out what they were saying . Something about Holly taking a nap and to tell them she 'd call them back . Then Rosa was back . " Holly can 't come to the phone right now . Could I take a message ? " Gabe took the phone to his mother who was sitting in the chair , going through old pictures for the newspaper . He held out the phone . " It 's Rosa . " She nodded and took the phone . He really didn 't want to be in the middle of that conversation , so he ducked out and went to his room . Holly was sleeping . That was good . She needed some rest . He did too , but he was afraid if he ever went to sleep , he might never make it back up again . They were supposed to be at the funeral home at 5 : 30 for the wake service and procession to the church . The funeral was scheduled for 10 a . m . the following morning . His mother 's sister and brother were on their way from down south , and once they arrived , it would be wall - to - wall mourners . He fought off the overwhelm . If he could just talk to her , hear her voice , hold her hand , he knew he could get through this . But without her , life looked very cold and immensely lonely . He picked out his clothes and went to take a shower . Maybe that would wake him up . He yawned even as he closed the door and stood at the mirror . He looked worse than he felt , and that was saying something . He ran his hand over the dark stubble on his jaw . It was going to take a miracle to get himself cleaned up and ready for the coming few hours . And to top it all off , he could hardly keep his eyes open . Still , he had to . This wasn 't something he could just duck out of . It was time to step up and be a man . What woke her up , Holly didn 't really know . It wasn 't a sound so much as a feeling . It jolted her from her sleep , wobbling her senses when she sat straight up . She looked at her clock . 4 : 40 . With a yank , she pulled the covers from her feet and raced outside heedless of being only in her robe . She ran down the stairs , looking for anyone who might know if he had called . In the kitchen , she found not Rosa but a young lady almost her own age . She pulled the robe closer to her . " Umm , hello . Is Mr . or Mrs . Teracini here ? " One look and Holly needed no more . She almost wiped out on her way back up the stairs . Rosa was headed to a wake service . That could mean only one thing . In one motion she had the phone open and was dialing the number . She didn 't even wait for him to pick up before going into her closet and rifling through the clothes . " Yeah , I just woke up . " Hopping she tried to get both legs into the skirt . " Did I hear right ? Is the wake service tonight ? " " Can you come get me ? " The task of buttoning the blouse while carrying on a conversation proved too much . She dropped the phone . With one scoop she had it again . " Sorry . Dropped the phone . " " No , I 'll be ready just stop by and get me . " Forgetting the blouse for now , she raced to the sink . The mirror told a sad tale . " I 've got to go . " Gabe wasn 't at all sure what shape she would be in when he pulled up . He would hate to be late , and if she wasn 't ready … However , he hadn 't even gone all the way through that thought when she came racing out the door and down the steps . On full - tilt , she jumped into the pickup . His eyebrows reached for the ceiling . " Are you okay ? " " Hey , this is what ten minutes to get ready will get you . " She was still fighting with one shoe on the floorboard . Finally securing it , she sat back . " You should 've had them wake me up . " Amusement crowded through even the exhaustion . " And miss this show ? Not on your life . " A real smile played through his heart . " You look beautiful . " But the warning was too late . Ten years of dust and debris fell in a cloud of dust over her . Sputtering , she coughed , waving her hand to get herself through it . " Oh , don 't ? " She looked at him and coughed again . " I guess that would mean , ' Holly , don 't do that . That visor - thingy is going to cover you in garden ash . ' " She held out her hands in helplessness although she wasn 't really mad . He could tell by her voice . " Uh - huh . " She looked down at herself in resignation . " Terrific . Some great first impression I 'm going to make . " Brushing at her skirt , she sent a cloud of dust into the air . " Tell you what , " he said , reaching for her hand . " I 'll tell them you 've been out weeding the garden with me . The way I always look , they 'll understand completely . " He lifted her hand to his lips . " Don 't worry about it , K ? You look fine . " It was clear she wanted to protest , but she chose not to . She squinted into the dust - covered mirror on the visor and tried again with her hair . " I just wish I had a brush and some hairspray . " " Hey , " he said gently , " you 're beautiful . " He spun the wheel and pulled into the parking lot and then into a space . " This is it . " He shook his head . What could she possibly do in five minutes ? He pushed out of his side and started up the walk . The knot of people by the doors turned to him , and a hush fell over them . Stunned , she looked at it and then at the lady gratefully . " Oh , wow . Thanks . " She ran it through her hair , thanking Heaven for sending her an angel . " You wouldn 't have a ponytail holder in there , would you ? " " Oh , fabulous . You are a life - saver . You know that ? " With a quick motion she had her hair pulled back . She gazed in the mirror as she readjusted her blouse and perfected her lipstick . Then she turned to the lady who was finishing up . " I 'm Holly by the way . " Carlos ? Carlos ? " Oh , right . " Holly stuck her hand out . " Nice to meet you , Allise . Well , I 'd better get in there . Thanks again . " With a breath to calm herself , Holly opened the door of the ladies room and stepped out . The number of people milling about was truly amazing . How was she ever going to find Gabriel in this ? She walked quietly past and through a number of softly talking couples . It wasn 't until she chanced by the large double entrance way leading into the chapel that she spied him . He was up front , looking at the sprays of flowers , talking with someone next to him . For a moment Holly shied back from going in there . This was crazy . What was she thinking ? She 'd never even been to a funeral save for her father 's when she was two , but she didn 't even remember that one . Her gaze traced back to the doors leading outside . What she wouldn 't have given to be able to run . But she couldn 't do that to Gabriel . Like it or not , she had to go in there . With effort , she retrained her gaze on the little chapel . A push and she was walking again , toward the front . The shiny gray casket was in the center . Its lid was opened , and there were people near it . Her heart slammed inside her , screaming at her not to take even one more step . However , she fought it back and forced herself to keep moving . Just then Gabriel glanced back and noticed her standing there . His smile was muted as he reached for her . " Frank , I 'd like you to meet Holly . Holly , this is my cousin , Frank . " Gabriel nodded , and with her hand in his , they walked over beside his mother . The crowd hushed on cue , and the funeral director said a few words about the procedure for the procession . Then he asked them to start for the cars . Holly felt all thumbs . Nothing she did seemed exactly right . She wished she had done this before . Even once would 've been nice , so she would know what to do . However , the sad truth was she was flying with no instruments . " I 'll ride with Ida , " his mother said , turning to them . Her tired smile drifted across Holly and sent her own discomfort scattering from her consciousness . " Nice to see you again , Holly . " Gabriel 's hand on hers steadied her , and she was glad for it . As his mother turned with the woman who must be her sister , Holly 's gaze took in all the people . She leaned in to Gabriel . " Are all these people your relatives ? " She couldn 't get it all into words at that moment , but the differences in their lives were undeniable . He had a thousand relatives . She had her mother . It wasn 't the time or the place , but the thought of what their wedding would look like flashed through her mind . His side , packed . Her side , three friends if she talked real hard . With that vision , it was hard not to fall right into a deep pit of insignificance right there . The evening 's events slipped over him like a river over smooth rocks . There was the procession , the short service , standing by the casket , knowing it was his father and yet knowing also that it wasn 't . The muted conversations , the sympathetic hands brushing his back , hugs even . Still , it didn 't seem real . None of it . Not a single minute . Somehow even though he was there , it didn 't seem possible that it was all happening , that tomorrow morning he would be burying the man who had shaped and molded his life into something worth living . Emotions were right under the surface , but Gabe made sure they never crested . He had to hold it together for his mother and in honor of his father . It was all but impossible , and yet , he knew he had to stay just on the surface and never dip below that . If he could do that , maybe , somehow , he would get through this . When they pulled up to the mansion after the final meeting with the priest and the funeral director , he put the pickup in park and heaved a sigh . Her hand was still in his as it had been the whole night . He didn 't want to think about how he would 've made it without her . " Yeah , " he said , laying his head back on the seat , but he didn 't let go of her hand . He didn 't want her to leave just yet . More truthfully , he didn 't want her to leave ever , but for now he would take the next few minutes . Tuesday . He hadn 't even thought that far ahead . " I don 't know . I 'm sure there 'll be something that needs done . Those lights in the back need taken down , and I don 't know if anyone even got the chairs picked up . " He was too tired to argue . In fact , it felt so good being here , like this , with her , falling asleep right now was a real possibility . There was nothing for a minute as his senses let go of reality . He couldn 't have been out for five seconds , but the drop off was head - snapping . With a jerk he came awake . Forcing his head up and his eyes open , he nodded . Then , looking at her sitting there , it was the most intense pull he 'd ever felt . He didn 't know if it was because his defenses were trashed or because she was so beautiful or because he was so grateful to her or any one of a million other reasons . Whatever it was , it slid him slowly across the seat . His gaze snagged hers and refused to let go . He wanted her , and he was tired of denying it . " Holly … " He reached for her through the graying darkness , wanting only to get closer to her and then closer still . He had turned all the way to her so that his advance was more like that of a hungry lion determined to devour its prey . " Holly … " At the last possible second , he saw the panic in her eyes as she reached for the door handle . " I 've got to go . " She slipped out of the pickup and into the night . " Call me so I know you made it home . " With that , she shut the door . Stung , Gabe stopped the advance , let out a hard , angry breath , and retreated to behind the steering wheel . Calling himself every horrible name in the book , he watched her climb the stairs and disappear inside . He sighed and ran his hand over his eyes and down his face . She was right . This was all wrong . He was using his vulnerable moment to trap her into something they would both regret . Vowing to apologize when he saw her again , he shook his head to keep himself awake and backed out . She was right on that count too . He needed sleep . Days and days of sleep . But that life no longer held the allure it had once seemed to . Back then , she viewed sleeping with someone as the best way to get what they both wanted . Now , with him , she wanted so much more than that . And giving in for less cheapened it . He deserved more . He deserved her , all of her … if he wanted her . The confusing questions and thoughts ran through her as she went to the kitchen to wait at the phone . She had never been so loved , and so why now did it feel so important to wait ? Why now did she withhold what she had so freely given so many times before ? The memory of Chase drifted through her , and breathing through it hurt . Chase . He deserved better too . She sat down in the dark kitchen as her mind twisted around that time . She had thought he was her forever too . She had convinced him to sleep with her by telling him it was forever . And then … Then her whole world had been dumped upside down . The fact that she 'd hurt him was indisputable , but as she sat rewinding through the memories , she realized it was her warped idea that she was in fact protecting him that ended her up in the backseat of Eddie Danillo 's car . She could still see the look of horror and betrayal on Chase 's face . The horror . The hurt . The cut was deep , as deep as a cut can go . Yet she knew it was for the best , even at that moment , she knew it . He deserved better , and so did Gabriel . Better than a night in the front seat of a pickup . Better than having to prove something that shouldn 't have to be proven . Now , however , it wasn 't at all clear to her that he would think her leaving like that was for the best . Maybe he was mad , hurt by her leaving . Doubts attacked her from all sides . The last thing she wanted to do was make him think she was leading him on or toying with him with no intentions of this going anywhere . She didn 't want him to get the idea that she wasn 't serious about this , that maybe for her it was a summer thing which would end with her getting on a plane in a month . That thought threatened to take the blocks right out from under her . One month . The phone rang , jangling through the thoughts . She jumped up and snatched it off the wall . " Hello ? " " Okay . " She wanted to ask him , wanted to talk about it , but that was selfish . There would be time later . " Get some sleep . I 'll be ready at 8 : 30 . " As she hung up the phone , the prayers began . " God , please be with Gabriel . He needs Your strength . Please hold him , please lift him up , tie him to a support . He needs that . Amen . " The next morning her alarm went off as it always did on Monday mornings at 6 : 30 . Unfortunately this wasn 't like any of the other Mondays she had spent in Napa . For a long minute she lay there and considered simply rolling over and going back to sleep . He wouldn 't be in the garden this morning . But then the thought of why he wouldn 't be in the garden slipped into her mind . Determination to be his support came into her . She tossed off the covers and said the first prayer of the day . " God , be with us all today . Be with Gabriel and his mom . Be with me , and show me what to do , what to say and how to say it . Do this through me , plant the garden the way You want it to look . I 'm here . Show me what to do . " The lights . Why she thought of them , she couldn 't clearly tell , but they were what came into her mind . She dressed quickly in her jeans and sweatshirt . In minutes she was in the kitchen with the coffee in hand . The morning had only begun to show its head as it shrugged off the night . She went around and down to the gazebo . The chairs were still up in neat rows . Lights were still draped everywhere . With a heave to settle the determination , she set her coffee cup on the walk , stepped off the concrete , and grabbed two chairs . " God , be with us today . " The words flowed freely from her . There was no real effort . She knew them by heart . Details were the only things keeping Gabe going . Details like what tie to wear , what time he was supposed to be there , remembering to grab Grandpa Isaiah 's rosary from the drawer . Little things that in the whole general scheme of today didn 't really make a big difference , and yet as long as he thought about them , he didn 't have to think of the bigger issues of the day . Truth be told , he hadn 't slept all that well . He 'd graciously given his bed to two cousins from Oregon , and the egg crate on the hardwood floor was not as comfortable as it sounded . That was bad enough , but the thoughts of dragging Holly through this mess and not being who she needed him to be twined in and out of his dreams until he wasn 't sure what was real and what was simply shadows of things he had pushed aside in his hopes that this could ever work . Gabriel caught the concerned look Aunt Ida sent to his mother from the other side of the table . It was impossible to miss , and it told him so much . Somehow he had thought the Holly - to - her - mother connection hadn 't been made . But obviously it had . He stood there , his mind scrambled and scrambling . What should he say ? Should he defend Holly ? Make some excuse for her mother ? Or should he give in to his mother and let Holly fend for herself ? After all , his mother was fragile right now , and the last thing he wanted was to make the load she was carrying heavier . " Umm , well , I don 't know when the Teracini 's are coming , " he said . " And I told Holly I 'd be there . " There was no winning in this situation . " But I could call her . " He was in the deep end with no idea which direction to swim . " If you want me to ride with you . " His heart broke as he nodded and turned . He didn 't want to make his mother cry , not today when she would have enough to cry about , but he 'd promised Holly . Seeing no way not to break someone 's heart in this miserable situation , he fled out the door and to his pickup , knowing his standing in the family had taken a hard hit . It was this side of a mortal sin to choose anyone over your mother , and he 'd just done that on the day she needed him the most . The chairs were stacked against the fence . Four strings of lights were laid out in the gazebo . Holly would 've put them away , but she wasn 't sure what to do with them . As promised , she was ready , and this time she even had her shoes on . She was standing at the front door , looking at her watch , wondering when he would be there when Luke came down the stairs . Holly looked back at him , wishing so many things about this situation were different . She let her gaze fall to the hardwood floor . " He 's coming at nine . " Down the last step and three strides to her , Luke reached out and took her in his arms . His white business shirt felt stiff beneath her cheek , but she was grateful for the warmth of his hug . Then he pulled her back and looked at her with concern . " How are you ? " She gazed up at him , and it was impossible to be strong . Everything in her heart came spilling out . " I 'm really worried about Gabriel and his mom . This is all happening so fast , and what happens afterward , you know ? I mean Gabriel 's been going to school , but if his mom can 't make it on her own , what then ? I don 't want him to have to quit school and give up on his dream , but how can he support her if he 's not here and not working ? And he was so tired last night . He 's trying to be so strong for everybody else , but I know how hard this is for him . " She shook her head in desperation . " I don 't know . I don 't know what to do for him , how to help him through this . " Holly nodded , grateful for Luke 's stable presence . She grabbed her purse off the little table and headed out the door . In the driveway , Gabriel was just getting out of the pickup . Haggard . It was the first word that fell into her mind when she looked at him . He looked so tired and even more badly in need of a hug than she remembered . His gaze barely found hers , and even when it did , it fell instantly back to the ground at his feet . Rather than go to the passenger 's side , she walked right up to him . There was no hesitancy . She simply lifted her arms and let his come around her . Holding him there , his arms tightening on her , she felt his sadness , his exhaustion . After a moment , the thought went through her to let go , but he was holding on for dear life . The question of who was there for him at this moment drifted through her . Others were surely trying , but it wasn 't the same . They were dealing with their own grief . The vow that she would be here for him went through her . She ran her hand up and over the loose curls on his head , and she heard the sniff . " We 're going to get through this . Okay ? I 'm right here . " He tightened the hug and nodded . Then with one more squeeze , he let her go and stepped back . Gut wrenching grief sliced through his eyes . No words were necessary as she climbed into the pickup and slid only to the middle . When he got in , she took hold of his hand with both of hers . She was here , and she wanted him to know that . Gabriel was glad for her presence . It kept him standing , kept him from falling completely into the pit . They climbed the little hill at the parish building hand in hand . Several of his relatives greeted them , and he shook their hands . It was nice of them to be there , but it was better that she was . They went inside , and he raked his fingers through his hair , knowing he looked like a zombie , but hoping it wasn 't as bad as it felt . Through the milling crowd they walked down to the little room where his father 's body was laid out for final viewing . His heart constricted at the thought . Pushing that away to concentrate on details , he wondered if his mother had made it . Part of him hoped not so he wouldn 't have to deal with that part of his life just yet . However , when they turned the corner into the room , there she was in the front row just as she had been the night before . Last night he had let Holly go so he could sit by his mother , but today , he didn 't want her to leave even for a moment . On the far side of the room was the casket flanked by candles and wreaths of fresh flowers . He took a breath , trying to stabilize his heart because it was stopping and starting in no discernable rhythm . He hadn 't thought anyone would notice , but instantly he felt Holly 's gaze drift over his face . She tightened her grip on his hand . He didn 't look at her , but he didn 't need to . She knew . It was time . He knew it to the depths of his being . It was time to say his final good - bye . How he would ever manage that , he had no idea . One more moment and it would be heaven before he saw his father again . One more breath and he was moving toward the casket , for no other reason than he knew he had to . The others standing around parted to let him through . He felt the sympathy of their gazes . Most of them were older than he . All still had their parents . He was the first through this gate , and that just didn 't seem fair . Then as if he had been traveling his whole life to get to this one moment , he was standing at the casket gazing down at the face of the man he had fought with , learned from , loved . There was a pastiness to his father 's face he didn 't remember . It didn 't look healthy and strong as it always had . It looked waxy and unnatural as if it wasn 't even the man he had known . Gabe stood there as a thousand memories of that face and those hands ran through his mind . The first time he 'd ridden his bike . The last time they 'd been in the shop together . Mowing , weeding , fixing , working . Together so much . And now it was over . The red - padded kneeler next to the casket beckoned him down . He let go of her hand to lower himself onto it . He bent his head , realizing then that his father had taught him how to do even that . There were so many things he wanted to say , so many things he had thought he would get the chance to tell this man . His gaze came up , and as he took in the vision that he would never forget , a realization came over him . This wasn 't his father . Yes , it was his father 's body . It was the face Gabriel had come to know as his father , but it wasn 't really his father . His father , the essence of his father was not here anymore . This body , this shell had died , but the essence , the spirit lived on . Overwhelming gratefulness for the life he had known trailed through him , touching his heart . The spirit had taught him so much , had seen him through his darkest hours , and even now , it was still alive - in his own heart it beat as it always had in the body now lying before him . That spirit of strength and hope and love . He shook his head slowly , knowing he could never be grateful enough for what this man had done for him . It was then that he felt her hand on his shoulder , and he glanced back at her with a small smile . She stepped up beside him , and he leaned into her , his head resting on her stomach . She bent then , arching over him , gathering him in . He wished he 'd had the chance to show his dad who she really was - not a spoiled little heiress but a beautiful , kind woman , full of grace and love . They stayed like that for a few more minutes , and then Gabriel knew it was time to let go . He closed his eyes . " God , take him home . " The thought was there , and he reached over and touched the hands , wrapped with the rosary . They were cold . Ice cold . And with that , he knew his father was truly gone . He took a breath and stood . Holly backed up to give him room . He stepped over to get the holy water . With four snaps of the wrist , he blessed the body . Without thinking , he handed the silver handle to Holly . It was only when she glanced at him with concern that he remembered . She was new to this . Gently he lifted her hand , and together they made the sign of the cross with the holy water over the body . He put the silver handle back into the little bucket , and when they turned , he put his arm around her . His mother still sat in the front row . Presumably she had seen it all although she wasn 't even looking at them now . Torn , his mind fought for what he should do . Then his gaze chanced to the clock 9 : 30 . They would be coming any minute to head the short walk to the church . In five strides he was in front of his mother . She seemed much smaller than she had even at the house earlier . There was a slump to her shoulders and care on her grief - stained face . He sat on his heels in front of her . " It 's almost time , Mama . " When she turned them on him , her eyes pleaded with him to forestall the inevitable . Just a few more moments , not yet . Please , not yet . Finally she nodded , and his heart wrenched . As hard as it was for him to say good - bye , it would be worse for her . Gently he helped her to her feet , and together they crossed the room to the casket . Holly faded off to the side , watching them . She had no idea how hard this must be for them . These three . They had been a team . Them against the world . And now the captain of their team was gone . At the casket Gabriel bent his head and body so as to talk softly with his mother . His arm was around her , and Holly knew how comforting that arm could be . As she watched , the priest entered from the other side and walked up to the casket , joining them . It was then that she saw the funeral directors come from the sides making their way up as well . Her breath snagged . It had been so weird to see Mr . Cabrelos lying in that coffin . She had never seen a dead body . Even the night before , she had purposely not gone close . But now , to see them close the lid , that would be more than she could take . The priest spoke softly with Gabriel and his mother , and then he motioned the funeral directors forward . Gabriel stepped back with his mother still under his arm . Holly was glad he had forgotten she was even present . But then she caught the glance he shot behind him . Worry trounced through her . He was looking for someone . But who ? She looked around , wanting to help him find whomever he was searching for . Then , as the scene played out before her , she realized who that was . Her . Never would she have believed she would have the courage to do it , but she had made a promise to be there for him . She pushed forward from the wall , stepped through the quiet crowd , and sidled up next to him . Just as he had before , he grabbed onto her , turned his head onto hers , kissed her hair , and together they stood watching as the funeral directors turned in the beige satin cushioning , checked it a final time . And slowly closed the lid . From Gabriel 's other side , his mother let out a small gasp . He reached over and hugged her to him as well . Then the woman who looked like her sister came to the other side of her . In what felt like seconds they were again walking , moving , first to back out of the way of the pall bearers and then following the closed casket out of the room , down the hall , and out into the bright summer sunshine . Step for step , they walked together . The sound of shoes scraping concrete echoed through the somber crowd . As dismal as the moment was , Holly had the distinct impression that this was right where she was meant to be - by his side , his arm around her , walking through the valleys of life . The service was a mix of her caring for him and him caring for his mother . Holly found the rhythm of being there for him when he needed her and letting him go when he needed to be there for others . Hold , support and let go . It was how life was meant to be between them . It wasn 't until the graveyard that her life , her reality reasserted itself between them . The casket lay on the straps suspended over the grave . The priest had said the final blessing , and one - by - one people filed past them , giving them their condolences . At first , Holly felt somewhat out of place being in the front with him and his mother , but owing to the fact that he either had his arm around her or was clutching her hand , there wasn 't much other choice . Fifty people or better had already filed past them , including many of the other workers at the mansion . As the crowd thinned , it was then that she saw them approaching , and oh - no flew into her mind . Mr . Teracini held her mother 's hand as they followed the line toward Gabriel 's mother . Had she been able to , Holly would 've thrown herself bodily between them , vowing they would never get close . As she watched helplessly , fear attacked her in droves . What would they say ? What if her mother said something horrible ? What if his mother said something horrible back ? Inexorably , they came closer . There were so many ways this could go badly , it was impossible to see any way it could go well . Then as bad threatened to completely overwhelm good , she remembered the only weapon she possessed to ward off disaster . Taking a breath to gather her courage , she gazed right onto the scene , seeing the unseeable . " Satan and all your minions , you must leave this place right now by the Blood of Jesus Christ , " she said under her breath but commandingly . " You are hereby banished to the throne of the Most High God to be dealt with there as He wills . Now be gone . " Courage charged into her heart . She anchored her gaze on her mother , knowing if the demons were with anyone , that 's who they would be hovering around . " Satan , " she said , looking right at her mother who was seven people from the front of the line , " get away , right now . By the Blood of Jesus Christ , I command you to leave . Jesus and the Holy Angels of God flood the area with Your peace , Your strength , and Your Holy Presence . Banish any remaining demons from this place . " Holly 's gaze snagged on him . She knew his feelings about her mother , and yet there was none of that in his eyes . Instead , he smiled softly , gratefully . Somehow Holly hadn 't even realized her mother would follow the others right in front of her . They looked at each other for one moment , and Holly tried to smile . But there was nothing in her mother 's eyes - not hate , not love . Nothing . And then she stepped on . It took a moment for Holly to collect herself . When she looked up , she found Luke standing there . Tears flooded through her as she looked at him . It took only that for him to gather her into his arms . " I 'm sorry for your loss , sweetheart , " he said . Holly nodded , soaking in the love and the hug , and then wiping her eyes , she stepped back . She sniffed the tears away . " Are y ' all leaving ? " At the little meal afterward , Holly hardly tasted her food . Next to her Gabriel ate almost nothing . Holly couldn 't tell if that was from not being hungry or from all the people who came up to talk with him . After fighting the battle for a while , Gabriel abandoned it altogether when Frank came up . It was only then that Holly realized who the woman standing behind him was . Quickly Holly wiped her face and smiled at the woman . Allise . Holly stumbled to her feet , trying to get the chair out without falling over it . Once on her feet , she held out her hand . " My angel . " " Hey , hello . Did I ask for this ? " But Gabriel laughed just the same . As Holly looked at him , she was glad to see a faint glint back in his eyes . Holly did her best to stay in the background unless spoken to . She shook hands , accepted hugs , and thanked everyone for coming . She knew next to no one , but that didn 't seem to matter . They knew her . Whether that was good or bad she couldn 't tell . " Oh . " His mother 's gaze still held only hurt and grief . " Well , don 't be long . We have to get the food taken care of . " Holly had no idea what the protocol for this situation was . Whatever it was , she was sure she would mess it up . She tried to lean in for a hug , but it was more of a touch . " Bye . " Her gaze found his , and love drifted through her . " Because you 're exhausted . Here . " She took the keys from him and opened the door . Then she stepped back . " Get in . " At that moment she glanced over and found herself lost in those green eyes . " Thanks for today , Holly . I would never have made it without you . " It should have been so easy to brush it off , but she couldn 't . His hand came up to the hair at her neck . The moment slid between them , and then like she 'd been drawn there , she lowered her lips to his . A brush , a touch . Warm and soft he called to her not to leave , and she didn 't for another long moment . Then the reality of where they were kissing and who might see them flooded through her cheeks . If his mother came out and found them like this … Gabe knew this whole thing was nuts . Here he was kissing her , falling deeper in love with her every minute , but reality was , in a month she would be gone . His mother and others in the family had already made up their minds about Holly , and he knew the uphill battle it would be to convince them otherwise . Still , every time he was with her , every time she looked at him like that , he somehow managed to talk himself out of every single reason this would never work . Yes , she was beautiful . Yes , she was kind and thoughtful . But he couldn 't let himself be sucked into those thoughts . Reality was , she was leaving in a month , and then what ? They couldn 't make a coast - to - coast relationship work , and he couldn 't ask her to stay , nor could he go . However , as tired as he was , as he watched her drive , his heart overtook his best reasoning . She didn 't seem to care at all that his pickup was 2 , 000 years old or that the blinker wouldn 't stay on . She drove as if made to drive this vehicle . It made him love her all the more . In disgust at his own weakness , he turned his head from her and looked out the opposite window . It was because he was so tired , because of all the junk that had happened in the last couple of days , because of the questions of his uncertain future . It had to be . There was no other rationale for his sudden desire to throw all caution to the wind and beg her to marry him on the spot . The drive was longer than he remembered , and as want washed over reality , his eyes closed , and he gave in to the dreams . They were better anyway . In his dreams he didn 't have to fight . He could take her in his arms and believe that it would all work out . He could kiss her and sweep her off her feet , and let the world be as his heart wanted it to be . He didn 't have to worry about his place or her place in anything . He could just be with her , and nothing could ever come between them . For one perfect moment his dreams met reality . He opened his eyes , and every dream he 'd ever had came true . She was looking at him , gazing down with the sweetest face he 'd ever seen . Then suddenly reality snapped over him hard . He pushed himself up with a groan . " Ugh . " He rubbed his eyes . " How long was I out ? " Forcing reality to stay clamped over the dreams , he pulled all the way up . The mansion stared down at him , reminding him of all the reasons the dream could never be . " I guess … I guess you 'd better get inside . They 're going to be wondering about you . " Every part of him screamed to take this offer . Take it and never look back . She was , after all , the one who 'd said it , the one offering . However , he knew he 'd already probably set his heart up to be shattered the way it was - going any farther was the definition of insanity . Unfortunately , he also knew the mixed signals he 'd been sending her about where they stood . It was confusing enough for him . He couldn 't imagine being her . Gaze down , he turned to her and took her hand . " Look , I have to be honest with you , Holly . I owe you an apology for last night . " " You have to know by now how I feel about you , but this … us . It can 't happen . " He glanced at the dark house . Why did he have to say these words ? " Not like this . Okay ? I don 't want to feel like I 'm sneaking around , taking advantage … of you , of them . " His gaze grabbed hers , pleading with her to understand . " You deserve better . " If he could just explain enough … " I 'm sorry if I led you on , but I never thought . " He took a breath . " I never thought I would feel this way , that it would go this far . " The words choked him trying not to come out , and he squeezed his eyes closed as his heart tightened in his chest . " Look , I don 't know where my life goes from here . I don 't know if I 'll go back to school or what . " " No . " The firmness of his gaze stopped her . " I 'm serious , Holly . My future right now is like this dark room , and I have no idea where anything is . " He closed his eyes on the fear washing through him . " All I know is my mom needs me right now , and I need to be there for her . " Tears stung the backs of his eyes , sending shooting pain like arrows into his heart . " Besides you deserve more than I can ever give you . " He glanced at the house . " You deserve to be happy , to have a guy who can give you everything you 're used to . You deserve to live on the hill not in the work shop at the bottom of it . " He tried to make light of it , but it didn 't work . " Don 't worry . You 'll be all right . There are plenty of guys who would love the chance to treat you like a princess . " " Gabriel ? What are you saying ? " As she looked at him , her face crumbled under the emotion . " No . Don 't … You can 't … " Pain trounced across her features . It killed him not to take her in his arms and comfort her , but he held his emotions in check even as he reached over to hug her lightly . " Hey . Hey , please don 't cry . This is for the best . Really . " It was as if he could feel the tearing of his heart , feel it rip him right in half . " I 'm sorry . " She backed out of his arms and over to the door , nodding . Real , true cold permeated every bone in his body . She swiped at the tears . Her face was hard when she looked at him although she tried for it not to be . " Luke said you can take a few days off . I think you should . " " No . " She stopped him with one look . " You 're exhausted . You don 't know what you 're saying . " Her hands were moving , reaching for the door handle . She stumbled out into the fading light . " Go . Take care of your mom , do what you have to do . I 'll be fine . " His heart fell further and further with each inch she put between them . This was impossible . He didn 't want her to leave , but how could he ask her to stay ? As she stood at the pickup door , holding it open , she took a long breath . " I 'll be praying for you . " And with that , she slammed the door , jarring his fragile hold on sanity . Helplessly , Gabe watched her , arms folded across her middle , as she raced up the stairs to the dark house . He shook his head to get himself to believe this was for the best . After all , there were others with her - Rosa , Yuri . They would take care of her far better than he ever could . Besides , his mother needed him . Closing his eyes , he slid into the driver 's seat and put it in reverse . It felt like a knife to his heart not to look back . He couldn 't . This way she could go on with her life , and he could go on with his - bleak as it was . Although it felt like life itself had fled with her , she didn 't need him , and he would have to find a way not to need her . It was the only thing that made any sense . Staci Stallings shares her heart for God with her novels , articles , and conversations . She loves making new friends , writing , and playing piano and guitar . View all posts by Staci Stallings → This entry was posted in A Light in the Darkness , Novels and tagged A Light in the Darkness , Christian Romance , Fiction , YA . Bookmark the permalink . ← A Light in the Darkness , Ch . 13 & 14 Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! 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I 'm proud of my kids . Yesterday the girls went to a friend , because she 'd heard that her neighbour was going to die of cancer within a year . When the girls were there the neighbour came too and had a chat with them . Later the girls took her dog for a walk so she could rest . When they came home we had a long talk about their friend 's neighbour and dying . They 're such caring kids . Today they wanted to make pancakes . It was great how they went about in the kitchen and managed to make us all a nice meal . And when I finally dared to pay the kitchen a visit I didn 't find the mess the male part of our family makes when baking . The plates neatly piled up , and even the pan rinsed out . I was glad we brought a nice dessert for them all , so we really had a vacation dinner . 1 . Have you ever been in love but tried to deny it ? Ofcourse . 2 . Someone throws a party in your honor . The only guests are your past lovers . You 're current spouse or significant other is cool with this . They ask you to speak and say something good about those assembled . Would there be someone there you could not say something good about ? No . I can say all sorts of good things about my past lovers and there 's none who should be walked on . 3 . How long can you go without your cell phone ? Do you own a so - called " smart phone " ? I don 't like telephones , cellphones or whatever that gives people the idea they can invade my life whenever they want to . When all the boys were still at home I got nuts from all sorts people who needed me during office times for forms and other nonsense . Their intentions were good , I don 't doubt that , but they forgot I was not at an office sitting back on a chair and being bored . When I nearly fell of the stairs with a large load of laundry ( well , I fell but didn 't hurt myself badly ) , because the phone suddenly started to ring I decided it was time to make a choice for my family . So I started emailing , put the phone away , unless people made an appointment to call me . I still don 't like the phone . Even my best friend never calls me because of that . 4 . Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance ? Well , after the shooting in Norway I want to say that I still believe in a second chance for most people , but some should be in the right environment and deserve a restricted chance . 5 . Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad ? ( If either or both have passed , answer as if they 're alive . ) With my father . he was a very nice guy . We shared a lot of interests , like in music , family history , nature . I would love to have the chance to sing a duet with him . 6 . Tell us one thing about your first boyfriend or girlfriend . The one when I was five , who brought me daisies and then ran to his mom , or the real first one ? My first boyfriend was very tall , had huge hands and really cared for me . It was goodShare : Read More It 's getting harder and harder to make ends meet . This week we used the sales to give the children the shoes they need , both for daily use and gymnastics at school . Immediately after coming home I sprayed them with protective spray to prevent them from getting dirty and to leak when it rains . It 's far better than waiting until the end of the summer , even though the last fashion will be in the shops by then . I 'm glad that part of my kids don 't care what they wear and the girls have a good insight in fashion , so they can really be happy with what they bought . In one of the shops I saw a friend who told me she admired us all for dealing with a large family and still having my kids dressed up to date . She told me she had to decide to get a check city payday cash advance , because she couldn 't stretch her money to the end of the month . She uses a cash advance to make ends meet this month , hoping she can pay it all back and have enough money for the whole next month . It works for her , because she always earns more in august and september . Many people get in trouble because their checks bounce or they pay too late . This morning I heard an item on the radio about the enormous high administration costs for overdue bills . Well , out decision this year was not to book a hotel or house for the vacation but to stay at home . Good decision , considering the weather of july . One of my best friends is dealing with cancer and because he doesn 't want to burden others with his illness he tries to escape contact from his best friends . I hate it not to be able to give him the support he needs , but on the other hand , it 's his way of dealing with the situation . He 's a good kind of uncle for my sons and they assist him wherever and whenever help is needed for his newspaper . At the end of the afternoon one of my sons called that he needed to help with the computer , if I wanted to go with him . The call came at the right time as I had something to do in town anyway . So we were dropped in the centre . First we discovered that the shop [ s we needed to go to were both closed . But a new one had opened by two chinese men , a father and son . I bought a beautiful fabric wallet and a small chinese bag , both for 5 euro in total . And my son found some very nice bowls . We had a chat with the owners . I 'm sure we 'll be back there often . Then we went to the paper . Ofcourse my friends was surprised and a bit overthrown to see me , and he asked me to leave , but I stayed and we had a very good time together , fixing the computer , talking about nothing special , making plans for the paper and relaxing with some cookies and a caffeine free cola . We could have stayed there forever , but he clearly got tired and to be honest , so did I . I don 't think he 'll be with us very long anymore . He was thin and small , had tidied and cleaned the whole editor 's room , which he never did before , and he was clear about his plans of tidying his house . He already moved out quite a few things , I knew from my sons . And he agreed to attend a BBQ later this summer and take photos of the whole family and he said to my son that he wouldn 't mind that some photos were taken from him too . That 's the first time in his life he openly agrees to be photographed . We both felt happy to have had such a nice evening . Just old friends concentrating on a computerscreen , nibbling cookies . So many things unsaid , but understood . He knows me better than anyone else in the worlShare : Read More The prizes of fruit and some vegetables are extremely low . Especially the bananas , cucumbers and just over the border all kinds of red berries are a joy for the wallet . We 've changed the rule in our family of : " one piece of fruit each day should be eaten and two different ones are allowed " into : " eat what you like . " It 's great to see that all children enjoy eating fruit and make spontaneous healthy choices . The past week no package of cookies was opened . As long as the season lasts we 're quite happy with it . Some of the apples in our own garden came down during a heavy rainstorm this evening . At sunset the sky turned into a strange grey - red colour and we commented on it . Then suddenly lightning started quite nearby . And then it started to rain very bad . The whole street flooded and the waterload was so heavy and such a lot that the plastic roof in the back garden got a hole in it . Pity we can 't stuff it with a banana peel . Sometimes bad weather makes our autistic son very afraid , but today we closed the curtains and we were enjoying a family discussion so very much that he didn 't realise he always was afraid of this weather . It has been very bad at the other side of town too . When our son the security guard came home after his shift , his first question was : " Did you have that terrible weather too ? The main debate today was about the massacre in Norway and the link between the murderer and the Dutch right wing politician Wilders . The killer referred to Wilders and his views a lot . They share their views . The guy even went to London to see Wilders and hear his speech . One of the main messages of Wilders has been that it 's five minutes to twelve and other apocalyptic junk and often we 've asked ourselves here when I nutcase would act on those terrifying words . It was not if , it was when . Ofcourse Wilders experienced a huge shock . I think he never considered the idea that someone might think about a war with islam in reality . Now he and his fellows are the first to claim they were not responsible for what the Norway killer thought and has done . I think however that there is a far smaller dividingline between verbal force and physical force than those politicians realise . There are people who take their statements literally , as we can often see in the comments at the sites of the online papers . And there 's a small group acting those feelings out . The fact that the Norway killer mentioned Wilders and the country so many times in his manifest makes clear the killer found justification for his thoughts and deeds in the texts of Wilders . Stirring emotions without setting limits is dangerous . I expect this to be the debate of 2011 : is democracy served by polarisation without limits and is Wilders in the sideline partially responsible for the thoughts of that guy that killed so many people ? Yes , you 're reading it well . Mental illness is becoming a luxury in The Netherlands . The government is cutting costs on almost everything and everyone and they won 't exclude the most vulnerable people in society . Those who need a psychologist or psychiatrist on an ambulant basis need to pay 100 euro a year , before they 'll get some kind of restitution of part of their therapy . Earlier the amount of therapeutic sessions was diminished . I think now only 8 sessons will be partly substituted . I 'm not completely sure I 'm right . It might be less sessions . Those who need institutionalised care will have to pay 275 euro before any form of partial restitution will take place . Just a few minutes ago someone told me this was lowered after debate in parliament to 200 euro . Well , even if this is true the minister makes a difference between people with a mental illeness and those with a physical illness . It means for our family that we have to face extra costs next year as my autistic son sees a psychiatrist 4 times a year for about 10 minutes . I hope this minister will make a difference between therapy and medication control . The massacre of Norway has shocked us all here . The guy was on a one man 's mission to kill as many people as possible . First in an explosion in Oslo , and not very much later on a holiday island for young people between 12 and 18 . He killed more than 90 people and still had plenty of ammunition when the police finally arrested him . Lots of people with small boats cae to the rescue of the young people on the island as they saw them seeking rescue in the water . According to someone nearby the water was icecold . The guy had clearly been planning this all , as on internet texts were found made over the past 9 years . In them he mentioned The Netherlands and he 'd clearly not been able to give what Wilders has said it 's proper place . He took it further and wrote he expected the first civilian war in Europe to start in our country . He guess he needed the feeling we 're all like him . We 're not . But some are so sick to make fun out of the grief of others ! The site on which people could say they wanted to take part in a silent march to remember the victims was hacked and texts were put on it suggesting these people agreed with the shooter . Facebook has deleted the account . Some others used links to a good site to ask people for their telephone number , using it to make it like they agreed to buy a very expensive sms account . How sick can one be ? Again a busy day . The girls went to a birthdayparty of a friend , and we took our autistic son to fit some shoes . He dislikes shopping , so I was surprised he went with us . ( The three planned trips before this one were never realised ) . We were happy to find him a nice pair of shoes . In the last day of the sales , so they were very cheap . I bet the shop was happy to get rid of those huge shoes . LOL ! After dinner one of the girls dropped a role of kitchenpaper behind the small freezer . Meaning I had to put the large fridge aside to get to the role . I was not very happy with that , as the past days my joints hurt a lot again . It 's clean behind the freezer and fridge again , and half of my evening was gone . When finally almost everyone was to bed I sat down and zapped across a movie that just started . As I always like movies about Mongolia , shamanism and such , I had a look and was taken by the intensity of the movie . It 's called Khadak , and can be found online at the dot com extension . It was about the forced relocation of a nomadic group to a new mining city . One of the nomans is a boy who is epileptic and has shaman potentials . First he refuses to accept this , but then he is able to save a life of a girl his age . The movie capture the mongolian culture in a mezmerising way and makes clear that even when you take away everything people have , you can 't take out the longing of their soul . The movie is full of symbolism and I feel I have to see it at least two or three times again before I 'm able to see most of it . The Khada , the blue blessing scarf is a powerful symbol . I won 't go into this because i would spoil the stpry of the movie for those who havent seen it . And you should see it . When it 's quiet around you and you can allow your soul to be caught . 1 . Tell us about the most recent wedding you attended . That 's a while ago . It was the wedding of someone who called herself a friend . The girls were still small and everyone expected her to ask the girls as flowergirls , so I made them nice dresses . But she didn 't want flowergirls . I didn 't ask why , I should have . She wanted all the boys to come too , even though I said we 'd better not come with the whole family . I asked what way she wanted us to be dressed and she asked colours . So I bought the boys very neat trousers and each a nice blouse and told them to keep their mouths shut all the time . They behaved well . But we felt out of space with the people who attended . They were all dressed in black ! Women had all black dresses and men white shirts with black suits ! It was like we were at a funeral . 2 . Do you enjoy attending weddings , or do they bore you to tears ? Apart from the last one I 've always enjoyed weddings , even though a small tear sometimes crawls in the corner of my eye . 3 . Does marriage in general make you feel confident and good inside , or skeptical ? My feelings have changed through the years . So many people have beautiful vows and forget them soon . 4 . Do you have a photo blog ? ( If so , feel free to share the link with us . ) No . 5 . Do you find yourself driving less due to the high gas prices ? No comment6 . What 's the high temperature today where you are ? Huh ? 7 . " It 's not the heat , it 's the humidity . " Agree , or no ? I guess the temperatures are high where Sam lives . Here it was not warm at all . I don 't like humidity . 8 . What 's the hottest you 've ever been in your life ? I thought in Italy , but it might have been here . 40 degrees celcius in the shadow . 9 . Non - temperature related last question : In your opinion . . . who 's hot ? You don 't know him . Have a nice weekend ! When you want to participate too or want to read what others wrote , just click the toplogo . Our local paper needs advertisements to exist , but does that mean it has to lower itself to a tabloid and police - paper ? Each day the paper starts with at least 3 articles with a police related item . Most of the time the number is between 5 and 10 . No in debt articles , but just a mention of some sort of offence or crime . Not interesting at all . I wonder if there 's a correlation between those junk articles and those pop - over advertisements which are terribly annoying . One of the main banks of our country uses orange as it 's signal colour . Imagine reading the paper and suddenly the whole screen turns orange without any warning . Would you like that bank better or not ? I bet your answer is " no " too . I wonder if those pop - over advertisements would be necessary of they skipped the police articlettes . ( Can 't call 15 lines and article , can I ? ) Or is the police paying for their own articles ? Don 't think I 'll even get a proper answer . My autistic son uses the computer a lot . Not only for games , but also to communicate with other people all over the world . Long before the results of a research project about the socialising aspects of computercommunication on peope with an autism spectrum disorder were known I could see what happened with my son when he was communicating with someone with the assistance of a computer . In face to face contacts he talks very loud and monotonous . His facial expression is minimal . He speaks , but doesn 't really communicate . He just throws out what he wants to say . If he feels like it : over and over again . A real conversation with him is possible , but only for a short time and not often . Watching the facial expressions of others and interpreting them is almost a conscious process and takes a lot of energy . But on the computer he 's able to have real conversations . He isn 't distracted by facial expressions , and there 's no need to consciously make his facial expressions and gestures match what he says . And people won 't hold back because he speaks too loud . So he won 't feel insecure . Watching him " speak " with someone is sometimes very interesting . His facial expression matches the conversation and he takes the time to think about what he 's going to say . Well , today his computer broke down . he used to be very irritated by it in the past , so I expected the need to use a lot of patience on my side , trying to calm him down . But he stayed very quiet , so we could call the oldest ( ICT man ) who had time to have a look . He took the computer with him and hopefully he 'll be able to locate the problem and fix it . I hope no new parts are needed , because we don 't have the money at the moment . I 've always enjoyed the festivities of the international 4 days marches . In the past my father took me with him when he went to work for those who walked the 4 days marches . His collegues thought it to be nice to have me around . I was really interested in their nursing and paramedic activities and even though I was far too young they gave me small tasks like handing them tape and such . I grew into the whole event . Pouring tea , dealing with the blisters on the feet of a family friend as my first real job , assisting the team 's doctor . I did it all . From loading medical equipment in the cars in the middle of the night , to closing the massage - oil bottles almost 20 hours later . In between we needed to eat . At some workplaces we got an abundant breakfast , at other places soup and bread and at the butcher in Groesbeek we got the best of all , and even sausages to take home . Every year I look back with deep gratitude on those days and years . It was not always easy to do things . I remember a very warm year . The doctor needed additional medication . He couldn 't leave and none of the others had any spare time . So I was asked to go to the hospital and pharmacy to get things . I got a passe partout to get permission to cross a road that only medics and police could cross , some paperwork for the meds I needed to take back and that was it . Only on my way back I realised that the passe partout didn 't give permission to go back again . There were no mobile phones . No way to reach the doctor . I lost my cardigan ( in rainbowcolours , I loved it , and my mother was furious when I came home without it . ) . I was planning to go through the woods . It would be an extra long way to go , but at least the doctor would get the medication . Then suddenly I felt the need to look at the ground and saw something . I picked it up and it turned out to be the pin of a nurse . I put it on and could cross the road and was escorted with speed to the doctor , who ofcourse said nothing about the pin until the escorte was gone . " Divine intervention " , he said . My dad and I workeShare : Read More I 'm complately fed up with harvesting at GMail . It 's interfering with my feeling of privacy . Last week I wrote a letter fo complaint to the Punblic Transport organisations regarding their new ticket system . In fact it 's an electronic card . Some councils offer it for 1 euro 50 to their inhabitants , and others have to pay 7 . 50 . Just for the card . Then you have to travel ( with an empty card . . . . which you can 't . . . ) to a loading point where you can put money on the card . Travelprizes have gone up considerably , and the thing also makes certain security points at shops bleep and they are even automatically checked in and out when you won 't hold them up into the air . So at times you have to pay a lot extra . Getting your money back is a pain in the you - know - where , and the travelcard for those who accompany a handicapped person is gone . I guess no one of those desk thinkers ever thought about this . Add to it that each person had to have his own card , so we can 't travel together on a normal busscard but each one of us has to have his own card , and you can imagine the cost and the abolute lack of convenience of the card . It even annoys me that checking in is so easy ( and the busses and metra are so unclean ) that I don 't feel I get something for my hard earned money . They had special days on which people could get a discount for the card . That means special hours at which normal people work or cook . At special places too . Not somewhere to go with an autistic young man who can 't stay long and who can 't deal with masses . So I wrote the organisation about that . Today I got a mail back . I had to go to the local transporters . No , I 'm asking a national question ! So I was already irritated . And then gmail got me their advertisement right in my face and I got so terrible mad about it . When I read a mail I don 't want advertisements about the subject in the sidebar . In fact I never ever look at them , except today . I thought it best to write them a mail about that , asking how I could switch that feature off . Can you imagine direct contact is impossiblShare : Read More 1 . Do you believe in the concept of the devil ? No , not really . But some people deserve the title . 2 . What 's your favorite nickname that you 're called ? I don 't like nicknames . 3 . What would you do if someone cheated on you ? Find out if it 's really true and then confront the person . 4 . Do you ever cry at a movie ? Yea . Even when I hear the music of Out of Africa I can start crying . It 's the story of my life . . . . almost . 5 . Have you got " a ball & chain " or are you single ? Are you happy with your status ? I don 't think being married is much of a status anymore . 6 . Who do you go to for advice ? A good friend who knows me for over 40 years now . 7 . When was the last time someone yelled at you ? Can 't remember . I don 't like yelling . I 've always told my children not to yel . 8 . When was the last time you spoke with someone that you met online ? You mean in real life ? Never . 9 . Where did you go on your honeymoon ? OR Where would you like to go on your honeymoon ? We went to a nice hotel in a small village between the mountains . Have a nice weekend ! When you want to participate too or want to read what others wrote , just click the toplogo . Today my autistic son wanted to go to the dolfine show , but the weatherforecast was not positive at all . So it was decided they wouldn 't go . When we sat down this morning to see if the day could be special anyway , our son came down distressed . His midirack had broken down . Well , after so many years intensive use it wasn 't a surprise . After quite some discussion he finally found one on internet . Then the discussion started about who had to pay and when that was settled it was decided to go and have a look at a shop not too far away from home . I went with them , not expecting to be from home more than half an hour . But when we left the shop they wanted to enjoy the unexpected nice weather with a drive - around . How ? I don 't know . But we landed on a dike . We couldn 't go back , only forward . I hate driving on dikes . the people who live near the dike drive like nuts , and I sit in a car with someone who is a bit insecure driving there and who goes those extra centimeters to the right when someone passes , and it scares me to hell . So I sat there smiling in the back of the car . Smiling , so my son wouldn 't get afraid , because he might cause a stir and want to step out . Smiling , but with painful shoulders from keeping them up too high . Then both males wanted french fries and we escaped from the dike road and went into a small village . No french fries , ofcourse . The only way to go home was over the dike . We found the way up and it was so steep the car almost didn 't make it . Me oh my ! I was so very glad when we finally could leave the dike and find our way home on normal roads . Never . . . never again ! . . . . . I hope . As a mom of teenage daughters I 'm educated at least each week about jewelry fashion . I don 't mind . I always wear earplugs , rings and most of the time my mala when I leave the house . One of my daughters creates bracelets for her friends , and recently we took upon us a joint activity when I found the most wonderful pendants with a tree . In the past I used to enjoy making necklaces with and without pendants , so it 's nothing strange to me . Finding beautiful beads is a challenge , but with a friend travelling through china we will get some nice ones , I 'm sure of that . Jewelry is a hot item on internet . So many beaders offer their products on blogs and sites . So we won 't add ours to internet . This year a new blog started about jewelry fashion trends for moms . Short blogposts descibe the different kinds of jewelry , including men 's rings . I 'm sure the blog is a nice guide for people who have never done anything with jewelry . This weekend the festivities around the international 4 days marches start , and next week the actual marches begin . I feel so sorry for all the people who worked so hard to make it into a huge success again . They were all changing our town to enable millions of people to enjoy either the sportive event or the festivities . The festivities consist mainly of open air concerts all over town . On sunday there 's a special event in the football stadium with music and ofcourse the flags of all the participating countries . We 've gone often to this special event and today we had to take the decicion to go or not to go . With a large family it 's always fun to go , but it 's also a financial problem . The kids were disappointed we tended to decide not to go , but then we heard the weather forecast : rain and rain and rain , and far too low temperatures . That 's no fun to sit in a fotoball stadium for almost 4 hours . So we 're all behind the decision not to go this year . I feel sorry though , for all those people who have practiced a lot and who worked so hard to make the events a pleasure for as much people as possible . They had to secure everything today as we got a weatheralarm . A summerstorm . Last week a crane tumbled over and damaged a building , and no one wants that to happen again , ofcourse . So instead of constructing stages and such , the workers where trying to secure what they had built up till now . Good work guys ! One of my dreams is to have an electric fireplace . It 'll stay a dream for the future , because there 's no space at the moment to install one . A friend called me today to invite me for a cup of coffee . She wanted to show me something , she said . When I arrived she welcomed me with open arms and within a few minutes we were complaining about the weather . It 's like autumn at the moment . The amounf of rain that came down last night and today is amazing . When I entered the livingroom it was nice and warm . The wood in the fireplace was burning and the flames were mesmerising . She asked me if I noticed something had changed , so I started to look around . Ofcourse I didn 't see any changes at all . Then she told me they decided to exchange the real wood for fireplace inserts . I 'm so impressed by what she told me . The whole process of installing had been a piece of cake . Just cleaning out the whole fireplace and installing the new parts was done within half an hour . Now they don 't need to buy wood anymore , there 's no dirt created anymore and there 's no danger of toxic fumes . All what needs to be done when they want a fire is plug the system in and make the choice between fire alone and fire with heat . That 's it . We had a nice morning together , enjoying the feel of autumn as a summerstrom raged outside the house and we sat there in front of a woodfire . Life can be good . Today I took the time to go through the shoeboxes in my room . It has been quite a while and to be honest , I forgot what was in the boxes . I felt like a child opening cookieboxes and finding the best cookies in the world . Because my life is so busy I try to do what is available and the contents of shoeboxes are not available enough . So I found a new pair of my favorite shoes . When I finally had to throw away those I was wearing I felt a bit lost , as I couldn 't afford a new pair . Turned out I bought not only two pairs that year in the sales , but a third pair too . When I saw them I remembered that one of the boys went to that town and wanted to ring me a third pair from the sales . I also found a pair of high heels a friend gave me because they didn 't fit her . I don 't often wear high heels , but I put the boxes at a place which is far more convenient , so I will wear them . . . promiss . Beside these surprises I also found a pair of moccasins . I knew they were there somewhere , but now I know again in which box , so I will certainly use them often . I used to wear moccasins a lot . Good ones adjust to the feet easily and have the perfect fit . The leather is convenient in both summer and winter . Opening each shoebox was like opening a present . Now the children don 't need me as much as they used to I 'll be back in those boxes far sooner to enjoy the shoes . I 'll tell you more about the other boxes , but not today . I cleaned the room of the boys and put all the computer equipment in a drawer . Then I did all the other things a room needs , like tidying the wardrobes , putting new sheets on the beds and such . It took quite a while , but I was really proud of myself . Days like these , that the boys and girls are away , are very rare . The girls are staying with their oldest brother , and the boys were back far too soon . When I told them they would be surprised by how clean and tidy their room looks now , they looked at each other the way only kids can do . So I told them where I 'd put their things , with emphasis on the fact that all computerequipment was in the drawer . Within a few minutes my autistic boy was downstairs again . he asked where I 'd put the xbox 360 controller . " In the drawer " . " It 's not there . " " Oh yes it is , the only things I took with me out of the room were dirty clothes and things that don 't fit anymore . " It 's not there . " I stayed calm and asked him to have a look again . I heard a lot of sounds I didn 't like and went upstairs , finding all the computerstuff on the bed . " It 's not there . " Again I told him that I 'd put all the computerstuff in the drawer and I started to look between the cables and other things for a black box , assuming a controller looks like that . " What are you looking for ? " , he asked . " The controller . " " What kind of thing are you looking for ? " " A black box . Or is it white ? " He sat down and almost got the hiccups of laughing . With effort he managed to tell me it 's not a box , but a kinf of carsteer . Clever guy . The steer ended up with the toys and was resting in a blue box under the bed . Problem solved . Puberty is the time young people want to make their own decisions and question what is going on in their lives . As a parent I find this one of the most interesting times of the kids and I enjoy the girls getting more independent . One of the boys is in the final stages of puberty and for him it 's not as easy as it is for the girls . As a classic autist he faces the fact that his development is more of a fight than a natural fact . He has problems accepting himself and right now he 's not happy his behaviour is influenced by medication . It 's a common issue for kids who have chronic disease , whether they have diabetes , asthma or something else . Today was one of those days he didn 't want to take his meds . Usually I take a step back and observe him , trying to keep him as calm as possible until he 's susceptible for reason and falls for my nice talk and takes his pills . Today he was already agitated because he couldn 't oversee his day . He was going with his father and brothers and sisters to Harry Potter at a cinema he doesn 't know well . Afterwards he would come home with his dad and his sisters would stay for a few days with his oldest brother . He doesn 't like that as he likes them to be around . He acted like a grumpy old granddad all morning , refused to shower , said he wouldn 't go and all sorts of other of the same . We just went about doing our things , ignoring him as much as possible . When I was sure he could overhear me I said to his dad that I pitied the fact that he didn 't dare to go to that cinema , but that we couldn 't retract that ticket and that I had no money to make him go elsewhere later this month . His psychiatrist had told him to take his meds before 13 . 00 hours . It was 1 minute past when he sat down and told me he regretted his behaviour but that he was too late for his meds . Well , with all the clocks a few minutes ahead he had no other choice than to take his pill . Haha ! The rest of the day he behaved well and was rather nice . Last week my two oldest and I were supposed to go to germany , but the car broke down . Today we tried it again and made it . I wanted to see if they still had a certain bag I love . Last time I didn 't have the money with me , this time I had . But the bag was gone . We saw a lot of stuff and bought nothing but something to drink and something to eat . One of the boys told me they had some wonderful cheesebread at a certain shop , so I got one . It was not special at all . . . . Well , it was food . Then we went to a large grocery store and got our shopping lists in our hands . These enormous grocery stores have so much choice that we need to write down what precisely we like when we try something . I was lucky to be able to find everything , except for a pillbox for my autistic son . The machine where we should put our empty bottles didn 't work . When we arrived at the counter the woman took them out of our trolley and she gave the money back to me instead of my son . LOL ! On our way back we almost hit a car , because it suddenly stopped on the highway . We were lucky my son reacted as quickly as he did and that the driver behind us was not sleeping either . We still don 't understand why the car stopped . When we were almost home it was clear the weather was changing from warm and humid to rain . We 're not afraid of rain , as the garden really needs it . But we are not happy with the lightning these past years . Well , we made it home in time . A few hours later reports came in about very bad rains . . . Yesterday we went to Amsterdam . We were invited to celebrate the anniversary of 100 years chinese people in The Netherlands together with the chinese people . My oldest advised to go by car and use the transferium to park it . I was amazed how large the transferium at the Arena is . We got our free tickets for the metro and went straight to central station . One whole day of parking for 8 euro and those to and fro tickets were included . Wow ! When we arrived at The Dam there were already people . The heads of the lions were on the ground . It took quite a long time before the official representatives of the chinese and dutch organisations sat down . later I heard they had speeches elsewhere already . Pity for them they had to listen to a few more . The public became bored , because the sound system didn 't work properly . We couldn 't hear anything and people started to talk and joke . We were also quite bothered by some people in front of us , standing in such a way that no one could see a thing , and especially the children saw nothing at all . we asked a security guard to ask these people to sit down , but he told us he wouldn 't . he then took position straight in front of the children which caused some turmoil , but he didn 't mind at all . So I asked my son to take some photographs of him , maybe some collegues of my other son would recognise him . And I commented on his behaviour , so he knew there was someone who knows the ins and outs of his profession . He got a slightly redded face , but didn 't move . Then the chinese ambassador was about to give a speech and I suddenly called out loud that people who were not dealing with the lions had to sit down . So those people sat down and the public applauded . Right . Then suddenly the security guard had gone and the kids had free sight on the lions . It was great when the dance of the 100 lions finally began . The symbolism of every move is not only interesting , but it 's also a reflection of tradition and culture . The fireworks were very well announced and people were told to keep their ears closed . We were luckyShare : Read More 1 . Have you ever tried to rekindle a past relationship against the odds ? You mean a love relationship ? No . 2 . Do you like your job , or daily routine ? Sometimes I do , sometimes I don 't . I love dealing with the girls and everything around them . I like dealing with the boys , but not with the paperwork and some of the hard times of autism . 3 . Do you find time to ' smell the flowers ' so to speak ? Not enough . 4 . Do you have any problems thinking of things to write about in your blog ? When I had the flue a short while ago I certainly had problems finding soemthing to write about . Writing itself was very tiring . But other times pose no problems . 5 . Do others consider you well organized ? I 'm quite organised in my head . And certain aspects of life are thoroughly organised . But alas , not everything . I 'm no saint , so that 's OK . 6 . Do you always have a " Plan B " just in case ? No . not always . But I 'm a quick thinking and always find pratical solutions . 7 . How do you find yourself adjusting to new situations ? I adjust quick and with pleasure . I enjoy different situations . 8 . Are you happy with where you are in this point of your life ? Life could be a bit kinder to me . I 've still got dreams , though . So all will be well . I think it 's important not to look ahead too much and enjoy the moment . 9 . Do you find the aging process we all go through easy or difficult ? It 's fun to experience that there 's some acknowledgement for my knowledge and skills , finally . But I don 't like the physical deterioration . I feel young inside and there 's still so much I want to do . Have a nice weekend ! When you want to participate too or want to read what others wrote , just click the toplogo . Today we celebrated cookie - day . It 's a traditional event in our own family and I doubt if someone outside the family knows about it . My grandmother started it for fun . She took all her baking stuff out at the first free day after a schoolyear and we made cookies . By tradition it 's not important if there 's another day at school for paties , getting the reportcard or whatever , as long as the lessons were over . They are . Tomorrow the girls will get their reportcards and then it 's summervacation . It feels special because one of the boys finished his education and applied for a job today . And another boy finished his education too and is already in the process of getting a job . On top of it it 's the birthday of the Dalai Lama . The kids who were at home invaded the kitchen and told me to stay away . From the corner of my eyes I saw a package for Harry Potter cookies . Meaning that the endresult would be chocolate chip cookies . Good . The smell was delicious , the panick tremendous . The lumps on the baking roster looked like fatty . . . uh . . . plops . . . . So I put them straightaway in the oven again and told in my mind my gram and my just died friend to use all their cookiespirit and make the cookies in what they should be : celebrations of freedom . I didn 't dare to look when the oven bleeped , but I did . How glad I was to see a resemblance with what I used to bake . So I took them out , put them on a roster and tried to tell my kids not to worry . It took ages before the cookies settled and started to look like cookies . But they got firm enough to lift them and they turned out delicious . So delicious I didn 't have one . LOL ! The girls had their schooltrip today . They went to an attraction parc . . . just for a few hours . 32 euros is what those few hours cost . That 's 46 dollars ! ! ! And they were there only a few hours , because the bus went back before the traffic jams started to grow . Ofcourse they could have waited for the evening jams to disappear , which meant being there until closing time . That would have been good use of the ticket . Both girls had regrets they were not able to see and do more . They also thought that the school shouldn 't have a schooltrip anymore which is so very expensive and which doesn 't use the full time available . Nevertheless they enjoyed their day and were terribly tired . They even forgot to eat fruitcake after dinner . That says enough , doesn 't it ? One of the few people who were a constant presence in my life died . I feel so very sad . . . She was one of those people you can 't not love . She was very very kind , a good listener and perfect advisor and she was able to understand what couldn 't be said . I was about 16 or 17 when I first met her and she learned me a lot about the people around me and about myself . I 'm certain that I wouldn 't have been as good a mother if she hadn 't been available to ask questions , listen and smile . The wise smile . She should have been my grams daughter and I 've always thought it strange that they never met . They belonged to each other . Because she lived at a place I could hardly reach with the children I hadn 't seen her for a while . I missed her growing old . We wrote long , long letters and they always sounded young and energetic , that I didn 't realise there would be a time without her . She was a strong woman . Strong of mind , and with an equally strong opinion . Well thought through and always open for different views , but strong and well worded nevertheless . That very same straightforwardness , with compassion and care , was what molded me into the person I 've become . My gram , dad and she made me into the strong person I am . And also into the feeling person I am . I was happy we finally got a car and we planned to go and visit her with the kids next month . We can 't anymore . One of the most creative , kindest and wonderful people is no more . Today we had a graduation . My son was quite nervous even though he knew that school doesn 't make something special of it . We went by train , as the school is near the railwaystation and the busses are too expensive now . He told us he had all the time of the world , so we should go ahead . He 's got a card to travel by bus , so he would be in time . When we were waiting for the train he suddenly appeared . Ofcourse we were too early , which wasn 't a real problem . Instead of coffee , there was nothing . At the time the ceremony should begin . . . it didn 't . A quarter past we were told to get coffee and a clice of cake . Which was delicious . The cake , I mean . Another 10 minutes later there was finally some movement on stage and a woman told us she was the new teamleader , she read some prepared things ( which she couldn 't read well ) and then a man shouted so hard in the microphone that people held their ears . There was no ceremony . Just people called on stage in pair , to sit down with their backs to the people , to sign 6 papers . The timetable said we would be finished by 21 . 30 hours , we were by 20 . 00 hours . Probably due to the fact that nothing special was done , nothing nice was said to the individual students . It was just a loss of time and energy to be there . The graduates didn 't feel festive at all . . . . . Our son started to feel happy about his diploma when he was at home . I 'm glad we made it a bit nice for him there . Tomorrow he 's going to apply for a job in the hospital . they should be happy to have him . I must have done something wrong last night , because I had such a pain when I woke up . Usually my left hip is giving me pain , but it was mysteriously gone . . . well , it was nothing anymore in comparison . . . As I had no plans to go anywhere it wasn 't a real problem . Some chores were postponed , and some where taken over by the kids . By the time one of the older boys came home for a partial haircut I was feeling better already . Today was one of those days for preparations for the rest of the week . Tomorrow we 'll have a graduation and I 'm looking forward to it . I don 't want kids to feel embarrassed about their mom , so I asked the boy in question how he wanted me dressed : posh or something else . He went for a calm mom , dressed neat , but not too special . I can deal with that . He clipped his uniform tie to a t - shirt and said he would go like that . LOL ! He 's as nuts to go like that , so no one said a word . Haha ! I have to go now . Can 't sit as long as I would like . 1 . Think of all your exes . Would you take any of them back ? Yes . I would take one of them back immediately . I 've seen him at the school 's reunion and the spark flew over again . Ofcourse I didn 't act on it , as he 's married and has kids . But who knows what life might bring . . . . 2 . If anyone came to your house on your " lazy days " what would you be wearing ? Dark blue trousers and a t - shirt . 3 . What 's your favorite shirt ? Shirt . . . let 's see . I guess it 's time to wear a shirt again . I think it 's one with very modern flowers . I bought it in Germany a few weeks back , but I haven 't found an occassion to wear it . 4 . Have you ever been on your school 's track team ? Didn 't have one . Does being on the swimming competition team count ? 5 . Do you own a pair of Converse ? ? ? ? ? What 's that ? 6 . Where are you at right now ? Living room . 7 . Do you eat raw cookie dough ? I used to . 8 . Don 't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over ? Yes , I hate that . 9 . Do you watch the news ? Yep , very often . Have a nice weekend ! When you want to participate too or want to read what others wrote , just click the toplogo . It has been a turbulent day , but a good one . In the morning the day seemed to be like every other one , with kids going to school , the chores and all the rest . Then a friend came to visit , curious if my son had finished his studies , and another one . While I was making coffee they were talking about ATV Parts , our car , theirs and the fact that a dear friend needs help with his paper . Ofcourse I said I would jump in . I hope he 'll accept me in his team , as we both have a different approach in writing . Ofcourse my son did his last hour well and I 'm happy to say that he 's a security guard now . At monday he 'll get his diploma . Isn 't that great ? So we had a rather festive afternoon , when the phone rang and the class teacher of one of the girls asked for her . She got very stressed and so did we . But then it became clear it was all positive news : she 's through to the final year of school . So hopefully this time next year we 'll have another diploma ceremony waiting . In the evening it became clear that no call would come for the other girl , which meant she passed too ! She works at a higher level than her sister and that means that her school lasts a year longer . Meaning that the year after next she should get her diploma . LOL ! We had a happy evening watching TV . Too tired to bother to eat the cake we bought this afternoon . Just sitting together feeling good about the kids have accomplished this year . All hours of helping with homework forgotten . All far too early mornings : forgotten . We did it ! One of my sons has almost finished his studies . In fact he will reach the end of his education tomorrow after one hour of fitness . I 'm so happy for him . He 's dyslectic and it took two years to convince the basic school that he was not lazy , nor stupid . By that time he found out compensation mechanisms for himself . He would find a quiet space in the house and read what he was supposed to read at school during the next week . That system failed when he went to secondary school and got homework . Teachers didn 't understand his wish to have a quiet time to work , and told me he was lazy . He was tested again and again the dyslexia came out clearly . The opinion of that school changed immediately and he got assistance and in the meantime we had meetings to see what was best , as they didn 't want him to lose his dedication and persistence . The result was that he went to a school with smaller groups . He just surfed through it and got his diploma with relative ease . Then he went to his next school . He got no support at all and at the place for practical education he was used . They didn 't even give him the time to sit down and write what he needed to write down . The school proposed us to find another place for practical work . Due to the recession one of their best students couldn 't find a place and so they kicked him out , instead of assisting him . I suggested he might try to become a security guard . He worked hard and did the studies in the shortest time possible . That 's quite an accomplishment . Just one hour tomorrow and he 's done it . Wow ! |
Jacob slowly made his way through the shallow marshes , which seemed to be even slimier than the villagers had told him . He nearly went down once when his foot slipped off the path and went into the water . Fortunately , he reached out and grabbed hold of a tree - root just in time and pulled himself up . His jeans were ruined , but he wasn 't going to visit the drycleaners anytime soon anyway … Jacob studied the map in his hand . It seemed pretty straightforward , telling him to go straight through the marsh , and whatever happens , never ever stray from the path . As long as he could tell , he was still on the right track , but with the sun setting down , he couldn 't stay out in the open much longer . Best to pitch his tent on the side of the track and wait until daybreak . The area around him wasn 't renowned for much wildlife , but then again , it was renowned for being the most haunted place on the dying Earth . As Jacob sat there unpacking the kettle , flashes of his memory passed through him . The only thing he remembered about his mother was her in the kitchen , ferociously working the roller and moving pans in and out from the oven . She used to give him a nibble or two of her muffins sometimes , but not much , because his teeth hadn 't grown by that time . He remembered the delicious smell that came from her and her apron , but beyond that , his memory of his mother was a complete blur . It felt exasperating , not having any solid memory of her to hold on to . But Jacob did know one thing , and that was that his father loved Isabelle more than his life , and that Adrian was alive till now only because he had to care for her offspring . It killed him to see his father like this , and Jacob remembered the last time when he had brought up talk about his mother . His father had suddenly seemed to grow old before his eyes , and he firmly refused to discuss what had happened that fateful winter of 1997 . Thinking about all this , Jacob dozed off right there , with his head resting against an old tree - trunk , oblivious to the night - sounds and the dark forces which hovered around him . Adrian had never let slip details about Isabelle 's death , but the town - folk were always up for a meaty rumour or two . Talk spread around the town about the sheriff 's villa being haunted , that dark forces roamed the grounds when all but the mortal were in their beds . Adrian never denied these rumours , but he didn 't dare add to them by commenting himself . He wanted Jacob to grow up in a care - free environment , free from the inquisitive and forbidding eyes of the town folk . There wasn 't a single day when he didn 't miss his wife , not a single day when he didn 't think about Isabelle O ' Conner . They had both decided to take their relationship to the next level the year they graduated from the University of Casavania . Both of them were quite young when Jacob was born , Isabelle 22 and Adrian barely 23 years of age . Adrian was hoping that he would never have to see it again , but grudgingly , this wasn 't the time to let his fears rule over him . He climbed up to the attic and roamed his sight , looking for the box which he knew was there . He saw it by itself in a corner , away from the damp of the lake . That was queer ; he definitely remembered putting it with the rest of the stuff under the porthole window . Ah well , what was inside that box was nowhere close to normal anyway . Opening the box slowly , he felt the same awe that he had felt 15 years ago , when it had appeared in the house , lying across Isabelle 's corpse . The jewels hadn 't lost their glow even now , and the handle was still made of the most marvelous steel there could be in the world . The sword was still there , and its time had arrived . As they entered their class , they saw their friends watching them . The expression was clear on their faces ; they had got a new topic on which they could gossip . Now from here on , the newsm or I should say the PROBLEM starts . The news of a guy talking to a girl spreads in a much more faster rate than a fire in a school building . The people around you just can 't bear to see a girl and a boy with each other talking and giggling . Thinking about this noble ( bitter ) truth , the smiles vanished from their visages as soon as they saw their friends and just rushed down to their seats and their school routine starts . The day started normally , with the chattering and bustling of children around them . All children were waiting for their Chemistry teacher . He was also chatting with his friends , yet with his eyes somewhere else . He was physically talking , but mentally was gazing SOMEWHERE else ; he was in his own thoughts . But his pool of thoughts was damped by the teacher who came from nowhere carrying her skin - coloured handbag which was matching with her outfit with plenty of files in her hand . The class started and his thoughts shredded . The other three classes of the first half passed in the same fashion . At the end of the 4th period , he was yawning like a dog after a good sleep and was repeatedly looking at his watch waiting for this decade - long physics class to finally end . Only one thought was grooming in his mind , that when this period would over he could go and ask her to share his lunch with him . The bell rang . He came back to his conscious state and heard the last sentence made by teacher before leaving . She said , " Do questions from the book based on today 's lecture and submit tomorrow . " After hearing this he cursed himself for not paying attention that time in the class , but later he just took that easily and thought of asking his coaching classes ' teacher about that topic . Thinking about this , he went for his lunch box and amazed to see that his lunch box had already gone missing . He looked sideways and saw his friends were fighting for his lunch box , about who 'll eat that . Before he could reach there and react to that , he saw his lunch box empty and cleaned as if there was never anything in it . It took maximum 5 - 6 seconds and BOOM ! All food inside it was gone into the truck - size stomachs of his friends and they moved on in search of another box or I should say , Another Target ! The thought of sharing his lunch with her was ruined by his BELOVED friends . He with his sad face was looking at his luncheon and felt like whacking every friend 's head against the wall . Then in an angry and sad mood , he put his lunch box back into his bag and saw a hand coming with a box full of Mars chocolates into it . She was holding that box with a tempting smile on her face . It was her birthday today . He with a surreal expression asked stupidly , " Thanks ! Your birthday today ? " She replied in the affirmative . He wished her and took one of those . She , with that tempting smile , moved on to give those chocolates to other classmates . When she was gone , he was staring at the chocolate . 12th July is the date he has to never forget , he thought . With this thought , he fed this date in his mind . The rest of the classes went as smooth as a wave . When he got home he was still thinking of that only and this continued into his coaching classes . He was listening to those lectures , yet his memory stored 0 % . At night , it was much the same condition , and he finally dozed off thinking of her and as expected he dreamed of her in his dream …… . . Adrian still remembered the first time he had set eyes on Jacob 's mother . Isabelle and he were fresh out of school and had both joined the local university . Looking at her , Adrian knew that he had found the one for him , not because she was blonde , but because she just was the one . He remembered their first date as if it was only yesterday . He had taken her up to the patio of their university one autumn evening , where his friends had gone out of their way to make it a great setting with candles and all . Every moment with her seemed like a moment lost , but he refused to believe that he had lost her for good . Her soul still rested in the house they had bought together off their meager income , the house Jacob and he were currently living in . . Her death shocked the entire town . Isabelle was well known in the locality for her marvelous muffins , which she catered out of the house . The circumstances of her death were never disclosed to the public , because Adrian wished some parts of her life to remain personal . He didn 't want it to become a witch 's tale , he wanted the town to always remember her as the young , sweet and selfless Isabelle she was . It was the year of 1997 , the 17th day of the month of December , Jacob 's second birthday . It was a particularly chilly winter that year , with the whole of Casavania snowed under . It was then that the strange things started happening around the house . Trees started uprooting themselves , the birds stopped flying down to their porch for the seeds Isabelle laid out for them , smoke could be seen coming out of the chimney without anyone lighting a fire underneath it . It seemed like a spirit had taken over the house , but it didn 't occur to anyone then that the young boy in the house was the one . Then , a week later , the thing happened . Adrian woke up to a sound downstairs at an ungodly hour , when all but the dead should have been sleeping . He got up to investigate , sure that it must have been yet another one of those infernal owls which haunted their roof . They were one of the drawbacks to the otherwise - perfect house . Adrian didn 't mind ; the local birdlife was pretty frequent in these parts , and you grew used to them after a while . As he walked down the stairs , Adrian looked out of the window and was struck at the beauty of the night . The moon was out in full glory , there was no breeze , no wind , and not a single thing moved . The moonlight glistened off the tree - tops , making them look as if they had been freshly washed . Adrian nearly went back to wake Isabelle up and share it with her , when the sound occurred again , but from the kitchen now . Adrian cursed himself for not having brought his revolver with him . He always had it on his person , and the one bloody time he did not , a burglar apparently has stolen into his kitchen . Well , he couldn 't go back now , the burglar would get away . Best to just startle the bloody person and give him a good solid thunk over the head with something . Adrian picked up the poker from the fireplace , and slowly made his way to the kitchen door and put his hand on the doorknob when all hell broke loose . A bright , yet completely black light glowed from the kitchen , and SOMETHING broke through the door . Adrian never got a look at the thing , before something slimy hit him from behind . As he went down , the only thing going through his mind was " Please not them " … Adrian never saw Isabelle after that night , except her corpse . The next morning when he went up to the room on regaining consciousness , he witnessed a scene straight from hell . The place had been ransacked and a dark circle been drawn around the bed on which young Jacob lay . There was no sign of his mother , and Adrian screamed aloud with agony . Her corpse reappeared on that exact bed a week later , but by then that room had been shut down , Adrian wishing to have no further use for it . There were no marks of external injury on her body , and the post - mortem didn 't reveal anything inside her either . It was as if something had passed through her , and she hadn 't survived it … Wincing , Adrian felt the small of his back where he still had the scar from that night . It refused to heal or go away , always staying there as the dark spot on his fair skin . It was as if something evil had touched him , but not penetrated through . He just wished that it had finished with him and not taken Isabelle . But then , he had to live for his boy and protect him . It was obvious now that there was something special about him , maybe even godly , but what it was eluded him . The only thing he could do was nurture him and show him the trades of the world , hoping that one day it would all become clear to him . But now , Jacob had disappeared too , but Adrian couldn 't bear to feel as useless all over again as on the night of Isabelle 's death . He understood that some dark force was acting on his family , but he couldn 't just bear to stand down and let everything around him pass him by . The fact that the anomaly had used ' IT ' for Jacob rather than referring to his boy as HIM and so a human being was strange , and may hold some clue . Whatever it was , Adrian couldn 't bear to let his one child go away , just like he could barely bear the death of his love . He had survived Isabelle being taken away just because he had her child to take care of , but not now . Now , something had to go , and it wouldn 't be his son . Jacob knew that the only way to get around it was to drive straight into it and not give a damn . After all , who in the world would suspect a 17 - year old guy driving a bicycle of the crime that he had just committed ? Sure , a lot of people would report that a young - ish blonde guy had been seen on the screen , but that description could quite easily be related to a hundred other teenagers in that small village of Casavania , a lot of whom would also have been present at that fair when he lighted the fire . He reached home and flung the keys on the dining - table . His father would find them there when he returned home after performing his duties as Sheriff at the scene . Jacob walked into his bedroom and yanked up the loose plank off the floor . His bag was already packed , waiting for him to make a quick get away from there and enter a place where no mortal man had ever set foot . He trudged down the stairs with a heavy heart . It 's not easy leaving behind a home where he had spent his entire life , the place he had lost his first tooth , won his first musical chairs . But he knew that it was the only way to finding redemption for what had happened to his mother , brutally killed 15 years ago in a case shrouded in mystery , and which the locals didn 't dare to talk about . But finally , after waiting his entire childhood in the same house by the lake , he trudged outside into the mist to follow up his latest lead , and wasn 't heard of again for the better part of a year … Jacob 's dad , Adrian reached home that night exhausted . It had been a long day ; what had looked like a pretty standard Annual parade at the funfair had turned into one of the biggest fires the town had ever seen . Fortunately , no one was hurt . Of course , Mrs . Flattherty had complained of chest burns and suffocation , but she seemed all right after the village doctor told her that she would need an injection . A couple of the younger lads had received 3rd degree fire burns trying to help evacuate the elderly , and young Nick Flanagas had broken his arm trying to pitch in by carrying a water bucket which was heavier than his old mum . Adrian smiled to himself ; that young kid certainly had a lot of pluck , just like his father . Expecting that Jacob would already have gone to bed , Adrian made himself a cup of tea and tried to reflect on the day 's proceedings . Some fool had strayed behind the Big Tent where the elephants usually sleep and tried to light a cigarette . It looked like he had dropped his lighter on the stack of hay used for the mammals ' food , and had high - tailed it out of there when he realized that he couldn 't control the ensuing blaze . Thank heavens that the army guys had come over for a night out ; without their help and muscle , the damage could have been a lot more . Adrian sighed and put his feet up on his table . It was going to be a long day tomorrow , what with the press conference and then having to write out a proper report for the Superintendent . The fire was going to be plastered on the front page of every newspaper in the district by dawn tomorrow morning , and the Superintendent didn 't take lightly of being shown up as an incompetent in his own jurisdiction . Stubbing out his cigarette , Adrian decided to call it a day . His body wasn 't what it once used to be , when he used to stay up all night texting Jacob 's mother . Isabelle wasn 't with them anymore , but he felt her presence in that house every single day , every single moment of his life . Too bad that she couldn 't be here to see how big her young lad had grown , and too bad that Jacob never really knew his mother . He slowly walked up the stairs , stood outside Jacob 's door listening for a sound of his son . Hearing none , assuming that the boy had slept off , Adrian walked into his room next door and quickly changed . Then he crashed on the bed , and he dozed off before his head hit the pillow . He didn 't know what had woken him up . Perhaps it was another one of those damned night owls who had thought it a good idea to sit on top of the chimney and hoot to all hell . But Adrian couldn 't hear anything right now , so he decided to let the infernal bird live another day , and went back to sleep . The morning came , and with it came a severe headache . Perhaps it wasn 't a good idea to try that new herbal tea last night after all , it would have been safer to stick to his good old teapot with its good old tea leaves . But whatever , nothing he could do about it , except pop in an Aspirin and hope it will wear off before he reached the police station . The breakfast wasn 't ready on the table for him , which was rather an oddity . Jacob always laid out a bowl of cereal for him before cycling off to college . But seeing as his bicycle wasn 't leaning out there by the garage , Adrian could only assume that he was late and had to go off in a hurry . Adrian wasn 't bothered ; he just got the cereal himself and read the morning 's newspapers ' take on last night 's events . He sent a txt to his son 's phone to reply when he could to make sure he was safe , and didn 't think anymore over it . It didn 't strike him to check his son 's room at that time … That night , when his son still hadn 't checked in , Adrian started to feel worried . Jacob was a responsible boy , he never stayed out of touch so long . The moment Adrian reached home , he ran upstairs and flung open the door to his son 's room . His eyes veered to the wall above the bed 's head , and so Adrian lost his footing , tears escaping the sanctity of his eyes . And so , I can brag soooo much about this ! An actual guest blog , from someone you guys don 't know at all . For now , she 'll be recognized as Anabelle on the site . In time , perhaps , you may quiz me . But for now , read one of the best first articles anyone has ever written . - Nitesh Never gave it a thought that I would actually give in to writing a blog … but here I am . And now , I don 't want to give it a second thought . Yes , I always wanted a secret identity . Was kind of fascinating to me , actually gives me the liberty to speak my heart out without any worries of how the world will react . This is one place I can be me . I think . So here 's a story of a girl . No , nothing new , the same old life that people have . But with a lot more fun , a lot more drama , a lot more love , a lot more passion , a lot more hate but most importantly , more of fear . Living our lives believing some things never exist , and then one night you stand face to face with it . You end up realizing the fact that this non - believe is now your biggest fear . I 'm Anabelle ( fictitious name ) . I 'm 17 years old and have lived all these 17 years in a superbly fantastic way , my way . I have always been in the same school since Nursery so never had to face the drudgery of experiencing a new environment , eing tortured and most importantly , I have always been saved from the ragging part . I came back home from school late in the evening . The porch lights were off so I realized my parents weren 't home . I grabbed the house keys from under the doormat and unlocked the door . I had had a hectic day so wasn 't really in a mood to prepare the dinner and decided to wait till my parents were back . I headed upstairs for my room , changed and got back down to see if there was anything in the fridge to drink . I opened the fridge door when suddenly there was a loud noise outside somewhere and the next moment the lights were gone . It was pitch dark but I managed to work my way to the kitchen counter and found a candle and a matchbox in the drawer . I lit the candle and brought it to the living room so I could atleast figure out what things were kept where . I kept the matchbox on the centre table in case I would need it . I heard my phone ringing so I headed upstairs to answer it . " Umm I just called to inform that dad and I are stuck in the storm here so we 'd be late . If the weather gets bad we 'd be staying here for the night . You stay indoors and make sure all the doors and windows are bolted . I 've made grilled sandwich for you , its in the oven . Eat it and have a good night . We 'll be home as soon as possible " I tossed my phone on my bed and sat on the floor . I had the whole house to me for the night and I had nothing to do , so I decided I 'd go back downstairs and have the grilled sandwich and wait till the lights are back . There was a loud thunder and the clouds rumbled . It started raining . I heard a noise from downstairs so I decided to check . I half ran skipping two steps at a time when I sprained my ankle and fell . I tried getting up but lost my balance and found the floor again . I hurt my head and the floor felt so nice and warm , when suddenly I felt something wet in my hand . I told myself that the floor must be wet because of the rain ; Some water must have seeped in . There was a loud thunderclap followed by lightning , which gave me enough light to see that it wasn 't the rain water that had the floor all wet . It was blood . I felt a sudden panic attack and ran my hand over my head and through my hair to see how badly I was hurt . I wasn 't , I didn 't have scratch . There were no signs of bruises … I was perfectly fine . Then whose blood was it ? I panicked even more and ran towards the living area to get the candle . I grabbed the candle and ran back to the stairs to see where all that blood came from . And to my surprise . . there was no blood . The floor was as dry as it had ever been . I tried to reconcile myself and comforted myself with lies that probably I was imagining everything … probably I had hit my head very hard , probably there was actually no blood but my mere imagination . The dining hall window cracked open and there was again a loud thunder . It was raining harder and the winds blew off the candle . I went back to the living area to get the matchbox from the centre table . I slipped on the wet floor . It was blood , yet again . I told myself I was imagining again and shuffled through the pages lying on the centre table to grab the matchbox . But it wasn 't there . I remembered clearly that I had left it there then , but now it was gone . I heard a door open and close upstairs . I asked again and this time my voice was followed by a lightning and a thunderclap lighting up the whole room . There was a man right in front of me . He had wounds all over his body and bloody eyes that wanted to kill me . I screamed out loud and ran for my life . I threw open the main door and ran endlessly out in the rain . I was panting … I stopped to see if the man was still following me . I turned around to make sure I was safe . There was no one . I was alone on the road in the heavy downpour . I relaxed and the rain helped my muscles loosen up a bit when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder . I turned to face that hideous looking man again . I screamed again but in vain . He stabbed me right in my stomach . I lay still on the ground groaning in pain . I called for help but no one could hear me at this hour of the night , and in this rain . The man was gone and so were my hopes of living . I lay there unmoving . . bleeding . The cold rain washed my blood off my wounds . I felt my eyes closing . Sleep was taking me in her arms but I knew it was my conscience that I was losing . I was dying . And there I lay dead . Hi readers . It 's been a long time since I wrote on the N & T blog , and now I 'm back with my 2nd blog . Actually , it 's my 3rd blog ; I had written the 2nd one during the month of December last year , and it was something related to the pressure of exams and all that boring stuff . But I fell very happy that Nitesh has given me another opportunity to bring out one of the flaws in this so - very - successful blog . [ Ghanta opportunity ! Bola nah , koi bhi likh sakta hain 😛 - Nitesh ] As everybody knows , the other half of this blog Tushar , has been silent for a very significant time now . He has virtually stopped writing for his own creation , and not only that , he discourages others to write for the blog too . And let me tell you , he is the reason why me second blog didn 't surface on the site . I had given my article to him for putting it up . But believe it or not , he didn 't put it up because I had rambled on about him studying on till 5 . 30 in the morning , and that too for just a 30 marks Economics UT ! ! Now , enough of the introductions and clarifications . Coming to the point , I have written this blog to round up the latest happenings in the school after the start of the new session . And ohh , something before even that too . I mean , we really need an article like this to appreciate the new - found talent , or I should say TALENTS in the field of literature , and I mean romantic fiction . On the behalf of the countless people who have read Lakshay Arora 's ' The Story of a Nincompoop ' and Nitesh 's ' The Story of a Teenager ' , I would like to say only one thing to these two people - " You two are Awesome ! : D " Now , the latest news if I may . ' Is Mahine ke taaza khabre ' and all that . Abhimanyu , Prahlad , Dhruv and I guess Shravan have qualified for the semis in the interhouse cricket matches . News is that the football matches are also being scheduled before the end of the month along with the basketball matches . Time for some future predictions . This time , if you look at Siddharth house 's football team , I bet your reaction will be the same as mine . " Yeh toh had ho gayi . Puri school team hi leke behte hua hain . " Yes , they look virtually impossible to beat . Our own Padhi is at their helm , along with some great players like Anurag ( I mean Golu ) , Uday , Deepanshu , and many others who can be regarded as actual PLAYERS , something which cannot be said for the other houses . And according to me , the next best team is Abhimanyu . Yaar , unke paas Saurav Baisoya , Lakshay Arora , Arjun etc etc hain . A match between these two teams will be like a battle between the Titans and the Gods . Coming to predictions about Basketball matches , then surely Laxmibai is on top with Lakshay Khurana and Puneet Jain . Out of 5 players , 2 or 3 are of the school team . Aur kyaa chahiye unhe ? They should surely be the winners this time , warna unka katta ! So there 's another news that 's going to make some jaws drop ( intended mostly for the 11th and 12thies ) . The 12thies are going to have a trip to Moint Abu in the summer vacas . Isn 't that just great ? ! But close yours jaws again , as details aren 't out yet . And guess what ? Our very own new batch of Prefects have decided and talked to school authorities about this trip . Chalo , humaare prefect dost kuch kaam toh aaye ! Also apparently , the 12th Commerce section got to see a movie in the second half this Friday . But no need to envy them , as it was some sort of educational movie on the school premises itself , and they were accompanied by VICE PRINCIPAL MA ' AM ! So you can now guess for yourself that it wasn 't exactly a fun time for them . This is in continuation to the first part already published here . Remember people , it 's a public blog , it 's not a single person 's . If you want the world to know about you and whatever you want to write on , this is the place ! Cheers - Nitesh As days passed , he was taking a very keen interest in talking to her . After a while , he asked her for her mobile number and as expected , she gave it to him and then it seemed that a new era of communicating with her had commenced for him . He spent many sleepless nights thinking about her , and when he lied down to sleep , most of the time he dreamed of her only … . Going to his performance in class , he had started answering in class . Not much , but improvement was there . Before , he was scared to answer to any question in front of the whole class . A dread of getting insulted by his fellow mates or you can say the students in class developed , if he answers that question wrong or gives absurd answers . This dread of his started when he newly joined the school that is in grade 6 . He was selected as a class representative from one section for an inter - class spell bee competition . You must be wondering how did this guy get selected as class representative for INTER - CLASS COMPETITION ? ! The reason for this is that before he came to his new school , he was an intelligent but yes , reserved kind of boy ; he always came in the top 3 students of his class . But after coming to this school , he didn 't know what happened to him ( something which happens with a lot of us ! - Nitesh ) . We 'll discuss upon this later . So where were we ? Yes , he was nervous to get on the stage as he was new to school and didn 't know what to do then . He thought he was going to have a nervous breakdown after seeing that all the other members of his team were only girls … no boys ! He started praying to God either to fast forward the time or to pulverize him there only . Now the competition started and he with a dreadful face was in front of his 300 school mates . The first two rounds passed easily and he was happy about it as he didn 't answer any of the questions or spellings . Now the final round came and his class , that is grade 6 , and grade 7 were having the same points . For this very last tie breaker question , he was given the mic . The word given to him was " chloroform " . As soon as the word was being called , all eyes of the students , principal , teachers , all people who were there , started looking at him . His teammates too were looking at him , waiting for an answer like it 's a billion dollar question . He knew the spelling very well but the " do u know the answer looks ? " by all made him more and more nervous . And as a consequence , he was not able to answer that . He started stumbling after he blurted out the letters ' ch ' . The rest of the letters just got stuck in his voice box and his so - called teammates were prompting the spelling to him repeatedly . But he was not listening to them , he just gave up and the question was answered by grade 7 kids . After this little fiasco , only one thing was going around his mind - Now how would he going to face his friends ? ! This incident changed his life and from that day onwards he had never went up to stage . He just wanted to get lost in the crowd of 300 students . Now coming back to our story , as I said he was getting a keen interest in texting with his newly made friend . He didn 't start with flirting or something like that . He just started with TAUNTING her in the name of a person ( You can guess it , I dont know his name either ) who had a crush on her . Or at least that 's what our nincompoop thinks . This taunting went for at least 4 - 5 months . It 's only after so many explanations and proofs by her that he agreed that she didn 't like him . Actually he did know that she didn 't like him , it was just that he wanted to talk to her . No matter what the topic would be , he just wanted to talk to her . He started observing that he had started answering in class . His results started improving , his hairstyle changed from a mushroom cut to spiked one ( partially ) . His shyness towards girls started to retreat . I know this sounds stupid but for him it seemed that an angel or a lucky charm for him was sent by the Great Creator . One week passed talkig to her , actually not one week , only one weekend , but that seemed like a week to him . During the first weekend only , he talked to her so much that he felt that they had known each other for ages , but only he started to feel that . He didn 't know what that girl thought about him . He just IMAGINED that she felt the same way as he does . Yes , he imagined ! Next day that is on monday , he woke up on his own . Usually , his mother used to wake him up for school . But this day he got up and got ready early to match the timing of hers , that they would reach the school together . And that day , he did reach the entrance of school on that time only at which she had reached . She came out from her white BMW . It was like somewhere 's Crown Princess had just stepped out from her royal chariot , it all seemed like a dream to him . She was in her school uniform , yet she was looking like the princess of some country . At that moment , he was not able to resist himself from staring at her . Not literally , but yes he was staring . Then he came back into his senses and saw her coming towards her . People may remember The Story of a Teenager that I had published over the course of a few weeks . But here is the very article that inspired me to write that story . He 's one of my best friends , and all I can say is that I 'm glad someone considers this site big enough to share his story on it . So cheers to life , and remember people , anyone can post an article , even if you wish to remain Anonymous . - Nitesh Once there was a guy who was like very reserved and boring . He had friends but not many . He used to talk with them but only on topics based on academics . Yet he was only an average students in academics . He didn 't have any laurels , no achievements , nothing . He was somehow a bit surreal . He was just in his own thoughts most of the time . He didn 't have a friend with whom he can share his thoughts but longs for one . He observed many boys and girls hanging out together and wished to have one girl for him . He was very shy type so he was not able to talk to any girl and if he gets to talk to any of them he stumbles while talking . He didn 't know how to start the conversation or what to talk with a girl , he just started stammering . Going to his appearance he was not that bad , hair coming till his forehead even if he combed his hair literary , long beard , a little corpulent , with almost six feet tall and a muscular body . But then God seemed to be delighted with him . One day he met a girl , and you could call it an accident . Once in class , he was sitting with his friend and it was a free period and she came and sat down on the bench which is in front of where they are sitting . She came not for him but for his friend beside him to ask a question . And his friend was almost like him , basically shy but more intelligent than him . As the guy observed , she smelled like freshly grown strawberries and rose . He wondered if she always smelled like that or if it was some kind of special perfume . Every time she blinked , he was compelled to look at her . Even though they both were in the same class but he had never noticed her from that angle . Yet now he was perplexed to see her . She was pretty , no doubt about that . His friend was not able to solve that question and then she asked him if he could help her with that question . This time , don 't know why , he didn 't stumble and contrived to answer that question easily . That time he felt very grateful . Afterwards , she thanked him and gave him a sweet smile . Then he started talking to her on a well - known social networking site , Facebook , even though she was added in his friend list some 2 - 3 years ago . Now he regularly started talking to her on Facebook and didn 't know from where now , but he was getting all those more topics to talk to her . A feeling of what you may call a LIKING for that girl started within him . But he was still oblivious from it , and he just started to enjoy talking to her . As days passed , he was taking a very keen interest in talking to her . After a while , he asked her for her mobile number and as expected , she gave it to him and then it seemed that a new era of communicating with her had commenced for him . He spent many sleepless nights thinking about her , and when he lied down to sleep , most of the time he dreamed of her only . In a time not akin ours , with people not unlike us , there was a teenager not unlike us . This is the story of how he found his life , his love , and how he went on to get what he wanted even when no one would have expected it from him . This isn 't an autobiography ; it 's rather a hopefully heartwarming story which drew inspiration from my life . There are a couple of instances from my life , but each love part is not taken from anywhere , and IS FICTIONAL ! But as is the case with teenage boys , he got over this quickly enough . A week after that , he was jumping around like a spring chicken , oblivious to the worries of the world . It 's been said that true inspiration comes from a broken heart , but what about the inspiration when a load has been taken off your back ? On top of that , it 's not like we teenage boys are the fastest at anything , are we ? Hell , if we had a competition over this , I guess frogs would be more romantic than us . Every single person nowadays has someone with whom they 've fixed a song as ' their ' song . In this period of time , he started listening to that song over and over again , and was shocked at how idiotic that song sounded to him . He tried to hear it again to find out why he had liked the song in the first place , but all rationality had left him . He changed his songs , but more importantly , he just gave a couple of tweaks to his life . School life passed him by ; after all , which kid his age would want to get up every day in the morning and think ' yes , we 're going to start this chapter today ! " ? It was like it was always going to be . As long as you left the system alone , the system would not gobble you up . But there was something wrong with the way he felt towards school life . He started looking at life within those boundaries as just an intermediary to the larger picture , as just a stepping - stone towards the real world outside . I guess that 's actually the right way of thinking , but come on , which kid among us doesn 't want to go to school every day if only to meet his friends and have fun ? Leaving aside some of the ' un - social ' kids , if you may , but then , he wasn 't having any problems in that regard . It wasn 't like he didn 't talk to girls at all . Earlier , you 've already been told of his brief fling when he was all of 13 years old . But as is the case with most children of his age , it was never going to go on , and these two just drifted apart over time . Perhaps he just didn 't consider himself ready enough to be drawn into this net of relationships . He had heard a lot of comments from people around him about how difficult it is to sustain a long relationship with someone , and some very hurtful comments towards their ex ' es . And it horrified him that some situations can occur which can make someone think about another being in that way . I guess that was the reason he just made up his mind that he wasn 't big enough and man enough to take care of a special someone for a long time . He preferred to go about his life as it were , keeping everyone happy while not taking it any further . He went to tuition , but it just wasn 't the same now . He missed the fact that earlier , he actually had someone to stare at when everything being taught in class was zooming right over him . The rest of his gang were fun enough , but something just felt missing . That did not mean that they didn 't have fun in class , joking with the teachers and spreading the gossip around them . These are the small little things which can make the most boring of things worthwhile , and he fell right back into it . And then one day , his gang and he reached tuition early , and they went inside early because the helper was watering the pavement outside . Most of them were in a good mood then ; it was a glorious day with a chance of rain in the next couple of hours . There were still 15 minutes or so left for the class to start , so they just started to do anything which came in their mind . After drawing faces of Scooby - Doo , Powerpuff Girls and a couple of other Cartoon characters which came in their minds , they started to mess with their own hairstyles , asking others just how big an idiot they looked like . And just when he had managed to make up his hair in such a way that half of it came into his eyes and it was all standing out like a porcupine 's from the side , she walked in … . Imagine the expression on the poor guy 's face . Not the best second first - impression anyone would want to have on someone he was attracted to , was it ? But he quickly regained his composure and included her in the fun . Though he seemed solid enough at the outset , a cold feeling had crawled up his spine . He had let go with such difficulty , but now that she was in front of him , the world just seemed a bit messed - up to his adolescent mind . Remember the piles of concrete or whatever it is that looks a lot like sand , which you always see near any place where construction is going on ? Sometimes the smallest of things , however irrelevant they may seem , are the biggest things possible in a normal person 's life , and you just can 't help yourself but try to climb over it and feel like a circus performer . That was the day he first held her hand , supporting her as she climbed over the huge pile out of childish want . |
A song played constantly in my head that summer , Lee Ann Womack 's , I Hope You Dance . Every time I heard it or sang along with it . I was reminded that my life was going to be what I made of it . I didn 't want to get down the road and look back and wish for something else . Who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone ? When I hear that song now , it takes me to driving back and forth out on my own . I had been shy and awkward about life ; I wasn 't going to be that way anymore . I was like a snowball pushed down a hill , growing in experience and force . Once I got started making choices for myself , I felt empowered . It was thrilling to be able to reinvent me . Being alone was okay but I didn 't want this for my future . I liked sharing my life with someone . Nothing was going to bring Rick back but the future was mine . A friend told me , " If it 's to be , it 's up to me . " I tried to live that statement . . I was ready to greet life . Things that seemed like challenges before just seemed small in comparison to what I had been through . I sailed alone frequently during the end of that summer . I loved it . The power of the wind on blustery days was invigorating . I loved when the boat heeled and cut through the water . I leaned back and held the mainsheet ( line or rope ) and tiller , my body leaning against the opposite side to counterbalance the tilt of the boat . Even alone , I wasn 't afraid . I was a new Jane . Toward the end of the summer , I decided to take Mike and Jack out together for a sail . We got up early , packed lunches and looked for the wind . It seemed like the wind was fine . Michael was into Pokeman figures and brought several of them with him on the boat . As we were leaving the dock , Chip warned me that there were wind gusts and to be careful . It was an awesome day to be out on the river . Michael was pretty bored with the whole ordeal . He put all of his Pokeman figures on the gunnels and one went flying in the drink . He was pretty calm considering . I came about and let the sails luff as I got them situated to have our lunch ; this was the part Michael loved of course . Jack climbed up to the bow and laid his body over the boat and and dangled his hands in the water . He was being a daredevil and I didn 't like it . I asked him to get back in the cockpit . He wasn 't happy but he did it . I let him take the tiller a bit and he helped me with the points of tack ; Jack was doing great . We made it back to the dock safely . This was not Michael Sean 's cup of tea but he really was a champ for trying something new . It was probably the last time I would bring him out . He was terrific but it was too boring for a little guy . I was only able to join Charlie and his friends once for a night sail . It was awesome . The boat was huge and it was a totally different experience . The sailor boyfriend of my twenties only had a 25 foot sailboat . The views of the Capital and monuments from the river were amazing . It was dark on the river and the shores on both sides glowed with light . There was wine and cheese but since I was driving , only coke . Charlie let me the wheel at one point . He guided me . The power of the wind and sails was amazing . The boat had a huge mast and the boom and sails were enormous . Charlie set the course to a flashing and buoy and we cut through the black water straight to our mark . I gave him back the helm and sat down to take in the scenery . Sitting in the darkness with people chatting , the sound of the sail sometimes groaning , water rushing against the bow , I could hardly believe I was there . We sailed down just south of Fort Belvoir and then came about . Charlie used the motor on the way back to the marina . I heard the familiar sound of the clanging halyards as we approached the docks . I headed to my van after bidding all a good night . I was returning to my boys who were home with a cousin , happy and content watching a show , perhaps already asleep . In the van on my drive home , I could feel the difference in myself . The sadness wasn 't as intense . I still ached for Rick and felt the hole in our lives but the boys were fine . I was fine . It was okay to be okay . There is a sailboat race each week in Annapolis , MD on the Severn River and the Chesapeake Bay . Lisa started crewing for people who had boats who raced in the regatta . She checked the internet weekly for posts of owners needing crew members . It sounded like great fun but I was a mother of two , it wasn 't going to work for me . Courtney had taken sailing lessons in her twenties and never really got the hang of it ; her goal was to feel more confident in her sailing . She was a teacher so she was available during the day as I was . Drama was her love and she was involved in a production near Dupont Circle in D . C . She invited us to come and see it Lisa and I went together and had a great time . Our days on the boat were filled with long conversations about our lives . Lisa was just out of graduate school . Her head was full of starting her career and meeting guys . She entertained us with stories of her friends , prospects of dating and the ways she filled time while waiting for her security clearance . Some days we went into Old Town Alexandria or an area south of Belle Haven for lunch . On days we met Charlie coming in from giving sailing lesson , we invited him along . He added a whole entire dimension to our conversations , talking about the work he did before retiring , his son , and his family . Charlie 's friend owned a 40 foot sailboat that he sometimes borrowed to take night cruises I was invited several times but with my two boys and short notice , it was difficult to plan . Posted by Sailing on the Potomac is not ideal because in places it isn 't very wide . It doesn 't provide many opportunities for tacking . We sailed in a Flying Scot which is a 19 foot centerboard daysailer . These boats do not capsize easily . Each day I learned more and more skills and I was on cloud nine . We were required to take a written test to be Red Cross certified for sailing and that was a breeze . We also needed to be able to demonstrate our skills on the boat . Charlie had us take turns at the helm . Each time we had the tiller , we did better . By the end of the two weeks , I wasn 't fully confident of my skills but I was getting there . The sailing school offered this great deal ; they gave a free week of sailboat rental following the end of the course . Courtney , Lisa and I decided to meet each morning around 10 : 00 a . m . at the dock . As long as there was fair weather and some wind we 'd sail . Each of us had a week of free rentals ; one would call and make the reservation in her name . This gave us three weeks . Of course , sometimes our schedules , life , or other commitments would prevent us from sailing some days but basically , we sailed all summer . With the three of us in the boat or even two , for that matter , we could continue to practice all that Charlie had taught us . At the dock , Chip would give us advice for making it out of the cove and give any warning that was necessary . We all waved to Charlie giving lessons if he was on the water when we were out . The practice made all the difference in our confidence and skills . Jack was a little nervous the first day but once he made it into a boat , he was in heaven . I met my class in the office . There was Charlie , a single , retired CIA employee , in his early 60s . In the group were two other women , one in her twenties , one in her thirties . As we walked to the dock to get on the boat , I could feel the soft wind from the south and smell the river . I can 't say it was the most pleasant smell but it was great all the same . The marina is owned by the National Park Service and the there are trails through the marsh and a picnic area with pavilions and grassy areas . As we neared the dock , the campers from the sailing school were receiving some dry land instruction before getting on the boats . I saw Jack and waved . He was grinning ear to ear . We met Chip , the dock master . He looked to be the surfer - type dude , wearing his red long trunks , no shirt and going barefoot . His long sun - bleached hair was down past his shoulders and he was tanned brown head to toe . He gave us a ride to where the sailboat was moored . This was where Charlie began . He explained how to get the boat and sails ready . He was methodical in his teaching and repetition . He would pose questions and help us to problem - solve on our own . We learned right of way , how to set the sails and a little about tacking . Charlie took us out on the river and had each of us take the tiller . He taught us the commands used by the captain and we practiced and repeated all the things he told us . We were also expected to read up on a training booklet before the next day . There was time to talk on the boat too . The other sailors were Courtney who was a teacher in a private school in D . C . and Lisa who had just graduated from Johns Hopkins with a degree in International Relations and was waiting for security clearance to begin at the Agency . They were both pleasant and we got along well . When we were out on the river we saw the kids on sunfish , all in a rainbow of colors . There were two on a boat and we passed Jack coming in . He waved again and was looking pretty proud of himself . We continued to the mooring and Charlie went through how to take the sails down and stow the gear . Chip was our escort back to the dock again . It was a thrill to be out on the water with the sun in my face ; I loved looking at the water , the sails and the beauty between the marshes and its wildlife and the Capitol and Washington Monument off in the distance . We said our goodbyes and I went to sit on a picnic table near the van to wait for Jack . I loved this ; Jack loved this . We talked about our adventure all the way back to our house . This was an empowering experience and I was looking forward to the two weeks . I had totally lost my joy of teaching , my joy of reading , my joy of gardening . I felt like a dud . I did what I was supposed to do at work ; actually I did more one on one remediation than I had ever before . I didn 't feel like I could concentrate long enough to read , sort of couldn 't allow myself to escape the reality of me . I was interested in the gardening at the new home but it was a bit overwhelming to think about getting started . I remembered awhile back that Steve told me that they offered a sailing camp for kids down in Alexandria on the Potomac River . While reading the paper one day , I saw an advertisement for the sailing camp . It was at Belle Haven Marina . This is what I wanted to do . I spoke to Jack and he was excited about the prospect of sailing camp . The plan was that Jack would be in camp 10 : 00 a . m . to 1 : 00 p . m . and I would take sailing lessons 10 : 00 to noon . Michael Sean would go to the Miss Doreen 's and get to play with his pals . The first day of sailing I drove down to the marina . It is next to a public park and has a boat launch . There are boat slips , dry dock areas and a small shack that houses the rentals of canoes , kayaks , sailboats and serves as a sailing school . I heard the clanging of the halyards as soon as I got out of the van . The sound took me back to my dating days when I was seeing Gary . I accompanied him in his search for a sailboat , took dry sailing lessons ( offered by the local Coast Guard ) , went on the maiden voyage of " Overtime " and spent two years sailing the Chesapeake Bay . I never actually took sailing lessons from an instructor . I had the head knowledge from the course and occasionally took over the tiller . In my new single state , I wanted to do the things I would never have gotten the chance to do had I still been married . This was something I had longed to do for a long time . There was no room in our life for something like this ; I was so excited to get started . This would be " my time . " There really was something significant about reaching the finish line of the first year . Everything was the same , still widowed with two children , still a teacher , still a little stressed in trying to adjust . I read a post last week about another widow ; in her blog she asked , why is it that everyone focuses on the first year . I think the answer is because the emotions and grief are so intense every day of the first year . For me , the subsequent days seem to pale by comparison . I would never be over loss , but I did find a place to put the pain that wasn 't as stinging with time . I had not put in for being alone . A friend later told me that his motto in life is , " If it 's meant to be , it 's up to me . " I found that to be an empowering statement . I had a choice to be overwhelmed with my new life or to choose to make my happiness given new circumstances . There are silver linings . I am a strong woman ; I know that , but didn 't have any idea just how strong , until faced with tremendous obstacles . When my son was dropped suddenly by a girlfriend a few years later , I was so pained to see him suffer . As I tried to comfort him I said , " This is small potatoes , Jack . We have been through so much . We lost Daddy and never expected to be the same . You are strong ; this is a bump in the road . I know that it hurt , s but you have survived so much more . This is her loss ; you are going to be fine . " On the day Rick died , I couldn 't see my world or future without him . Time was my friend as I climbed the mountain of the first year ; it was hard to see where I was going . All that seemed to lie ahead was more difficulty . However , reaching the summit gave me a vista of possibilities . It wouldn 't be easy and there were still many pitfalls ahead , but I had made progress . Posted by We had made it through the first year and then some . We were in our new home . It was quite an adventure ; I was extremely excited to think about decorating this house and making it my own , It was a clean palette . I remember when Rick and I first met . He was working in a furniture store and I was barely getting by as a teacher . I had thought before I was married that it would be awesome to decorate a home with my spouse until he really wanted to . When I saw his apartment , I knew that it was not going to be easy to mesh our two tastes . Rick 's taste was more modern ; mine was very traditional . Being at the new house meant that I could really make it my own . Although I had lived on my own before getting married . I had a very limited budge and very limited opportunity with my roommate who was there first . When I was able to decorate , I found most of my treasures at yard sales . I love yard sales and it was a ritual with my friend Mary . We would get up each Saturday morning and check what was out there . It was too much fun . I had to get the boys set up in their rooms and then made room for the guest room . It was such a thrilled to feel that I had some choice . It would be my time for what I wanted it . I had to look at the positives through the situation even if I wasn 't thrilled with it . Well , I had put a contract on a house but still had to sell my house on Poplar . The " for sale " sign went up right away and I was ready . Anne held an open house for realtors ; it was a crazy market . Small ramblers like mine , three bedroom and one bath homes were going quickly . It sold in a week for $ 5000 more than the asking price by an older couple with grandchildren . They didn 't even ask for a home inspection . The realtor said that they had just lost another contract across the Boulevard and were anxious to get a contract . It was a great relief to me . I was left to pack the house and planned to use a moving company to actually move the majority of my things over to the house . My brother , Dan was moving to Syracuse with his fiancé and was working for a local moving company . He got me a good price and he was one of the crew on the day of the move . This way he could make sure everything went well . My brother , Mike rented a truck and we moved all the yard things over on that . The day of closing was a bit harried . When we arrived for the final walk - through the seller wasn 't out of the house . I made it difficult to inspect because there stuff was still in the house . I was very frustrated with her . After closing , it still took her two and a half more hours to get her things out of the house . Toward the end of her move , she started to put things on the lawn of the next door neighbor 's house . I was so relieved when she finally left . The boys loved the house right away . We had a ton of family and friends who helped us on the move day . A friend of the family brought all of her family and their girls basically set up my kitchen for me . It was not as bad as I thought it would be . As we slowly unpacked our things , we could see that the memories of Rick were still with us . The memories were in our hearts and in the furniture and treasures of a life together . They were just in a different place but we didn 't lose anything in the move . Tom , Diane and I thought it would be a nice idea to continue to meet on the same evening for awhile . We weren 't quite ready to give each other up . There is a restaurant in the area that is easy access to the Beltway . The Grief Group continued to meet at Grevey 's . Yes , I know it so corny but true . We met about four weeks in a row after the grief group ended . Tom and Diane told me that they were dating the first week we met at the restaurant . I told them that I saw the way Tom looked up at Diane at that first meeting and I wasn 't surprised at all . Tom 's girls were having a hard time dealing with the thought of their dad dating but Tom said they were all grown and had lives and he wanted one too . I was very happy for them , a little jealous but happy . It wasn 't long before they called to tell me they were getting married . They invited the group to Tom 's for a barbecue and made the announcement . It was encouraging to be able to celebrate their decision . It was terrific to hear the updates from our friends as time passed . One man in his seventies was busy playing Senior League Baseball . He was having an awesome time . Another gentleman who was really struggling during the official meetings had decided to take a car trip to Florida to visit friends . He had made the plan and was getting ready to leave soon . Tom had retired and was planning on spending loads of time with Diane and Diane was shutting down her organization that she had worked on with her husband , Dan . . It was a school reform organization and she realized it was time to let go . The barbecue was a type of send off party . I saw Tom and Diane once after that ; we enjoyed a dinner together in the summer before school started . Then Tom had to have surgery on his back and he was laid up for quite a bit . We fell out of touch after awhile . The Grief Group was hard work ; it forced us all to look into our memories and deal with our feelings . I made Jack go to a group too . It had taken place in the fall at the same facility but of course , it was for children . He was madder than a hornet with me . I was concerned about him and I didn 't want to get down the road and think , " Gee , it would have been a really good idea to send him to a grief group , too bad I didn 't . " When it was over he told me , " You know it sucked , Mom ? I hated going . " I said , " Jack , it was a grief group . Were you expecting it to be fun ? " He wasn 't quite as amused as me . He made several projects to memorialize Rick and brought in some pictures to help share his feelings . Jack was very proud of the choices he made and what he shared about his dad . In the end , it was good thing to do , even if he went kicking and screaming . Sometimes the mom just has to be the mom . I brought my grieving hat to share with the group at one point . They had a good laugh . I told them that it people what it was . The shrink later explained about desensitizing myself to Rick 's death by talking about him and letting the feelings go . We bonded over our grief in that room . It was hard to listen to the stories , most were tender and raw . With all the grief spread out all over the room , it didn 't seem as overwhelming . It was encouraging to know that I wasn 't nuts and that others had similar thoughts and feelings . Over the course of the eight week , s the focus shifted from memorializing to looking to the future . This was important in the work of grieving . I found it hard to let go of the dreams and aspirations that Rick and I had together . For almost 15 years my future included him as a major player . Allowing me to see a future without Rick almost seemed a betrayal . There was something very powerful in me saying don 't let go . It is confusing ; no one can answer the question when is enough time enough , for grief , for feeling sad and devastated . No one gives you permission to be okay ; you have to give yourself permission . This was one of the reasons for writing goals for the future ; I 'm not sure I dared to write a list on my own about a future without Rick . We had the option at the last meeting to share our lists . It was interesting to hear the thinking of others . Each of us had a different take on the steps we might take . The eight weeks dragged in the beginning but seemed to fly at the end . The group became very comfortable with each other and we were sad to see it end . I had become friends with both Tom and Diane ; we planned to stay in contact with each other . It was cathartic to have done the hard work of grieving . I decided in February to attend a grief group sponsored by the local hospital system . Life with Cancer was the program at the hospital that helped when Rick was admitted to the oncology ward . The grief group was for anyone who had lost a loved - one to cancer ; it was eight weeks long and was moderated by a person who had been through the process before . It was a strange experience to walk into a room of people who had all lost someone . Most of the people in the room were over 60 and had lost spouses . A man and woman in their twenties had lost a parent and about ten of us were widowed . When I came in the room there were only a few people that had arrived . A very tall gentleman walked in at the same time and we sat down at the table and chit chatted while we waited to begin . Tom had also been widowed ; his wife had died in March the year before . Tom was Catholic and Irish just like me ; he was friendly and talking with him put me at ease . We exchanged some details of our losses and then the meeting began . I always felt that I was quite fortunate in my circumstances . Yes , Rick was dead and I had two children but I had two children , my reason for getting up in the morning , my reason for living , my reason for being happy with whatever God brought me next . I sat listening to these people and my heart broke for them . Many described their loneliness , their depression , their emptiness ; I found it difficult to keep from crying right along with them . Diane walked into the meeting late ; I saw Tom look at her as she walked in the room . She apologized for being late and sat down and joined in with introducing herself and then the meeting continued . Diane talked about her husband who had suffered from cancer for three years who had only died in December . I went last and told them about Rick 's cancer and quick death . They were all horrified that I had two young children . Several of them said how hard it must be caring for the boys alone . I was quick to tell them that my loss was a loss , no greater or less than theirs ; each a huge burden that left a gaping hole in our lives . Hearing how others coped with their loss made me look at my loss in a different way . My mother used to always say , " It could always be worse ! " Live examples of that were sitting right across from me at the table . My mind was stirred by all the talk and discussion of those we lost . We did one writing activity before we left and that was to make a list of five things we wanted to accomplish in the next five years . We wrote them to ourselves and didn 't have to share them but the idea was to set some goals for our future . As I sat there writing , I thought the list was a little out there . Then , we were given exercises to complete and return at the next session . Posted by Buying a house can be a scary thing . I came home from signing and had instant memory lapses of what I just bought . These were not the days of digital cameras . I tried to remember what I saw . They were the smaller details as this house was similar to Karen 's and Paul 's home without a large addition they had in the back . A fair - sized living room and dining room were to the left as I walked in . There was Berber carpet going up the stairs to the second floor . To the right was a small powder room , nothing fancy or redecorated . Down the short hall was the kitchen , my favorite room . It had a vinyl floor , bright and shiny with light oak colored cabinets and a new counter top . The sink and appliances were all new . It was spacious and had a great closet for a pantry with louvered doors . There was a small family room to the right with a brick fireplace ; the back wall had sliding glass doors that led to the sunroom . This is where I was excited to get started decorating . This room was surrounded by four sets of sliding doors and topped with two skylights . It had a partially finished basement where the boys could hang out and the other side had a nice wash area . There was terrific storage space with a crawl space that was completely dry and enclosed . I would finally have enough room for our things ! The house was eight doors down the street from Karen and Paul . I was happy that everything just fell together . The house was a clean palate with neutral colors everywhere . The landscaping would need work but that would wait . I brought the boys over to see the house and they immediately fell in love with it . The novelty of being down the street from their cousins was enough to seal the deal for them . We were on our way . Posted by Each day brought me closer to the one year mark . In January , I began the walk in my head of all that Rick had gone through . Valentine 's Day arrived with nothing from my Valentine but my Dad and Mom sent me a package and my brother and sister in - law sent me flowers to ease the pain . They were very sweet gestures . Valentine 's Day had always been a day for the girls in our family . With a household full of boys , it was the one day that my dad made a big deal out of my mom , Patty and me . My mom got the giant candy heart with so many piece of chocolate . Patty and I got the medium sized heart with a silk flower on it filled with chocolates and all the boys got a small plain red heart with candy . When I got married my dad no longer sent the valentine to me . On this Valentine 's Day , it meant a lot to me . I was still his valentine . Rick was always one to look either forward or backward and say , " What were we doing a year ago today ? I wonder what we will be doing five years from now ? " I found myself asking those questions often to no one in particular , just me . By April , I had called Anne Johnson , the real estate agent to take a look at the house so that I could follow her recommendations . I wanted to move over the summer when I was off from school so I wanted to start looking in May for our new house . Anne had her eyes on the market for anything in the neighborhood we wanted that might pop up . One day , Karen called me to tell me that a woman down the street had put her house on the market and was selling the property herself . Karen said to grab the local paper to see the listing that was in there . I called Anne and told her I was going to go look at it . It was scheduled for Sunday and I wanted to go alone . It was pouring rain the afternoon of the open house . I walked up the drive to the front door and there was Kathy Monteclavo ; I knew her from going to neighborhood Pamper Chef parties . She looked as bewildered as I felt . As she opened the door we greeted each other and I said , " Kathy , I 'm not positive I 'm buying yet . " She laughed and said , " That 's good because I 'm not sure I 'm selling . " Our laughter broke the ice ; she encouarged me to take a look around and I did . My criteria for the house was that it had to be in good shape . As a widow , I wouldn 't want to be doing major repair jobs . They had a fire the year before in their dishwasher that cause quite a bit of damage . The kitchen was brand new with new appliances . Her decorating left a lot to be desired but the house was growing on me the more I looked . I thanked her and told her that I would be in touch . I went home and called Anne and told her that I wanted her to see it and give me her opinion . We made an appointment to go the next day after school . Anne liked everything about it but encouraged me to insist on the home inspection which I got . We went to her office and signed the contract and then she told me she would call Kathy and just to hold tight . Everything was finalized the following day but was contingent on the home inspection . The ball was rolling , The whole nine yards and all the way around . . . The day before we moved into Poplar Road , Rick was painting Jack 's room . Jack did not want to move and had said as much . Rick said " What letter do you want me to make on the wall ? " " A W ! " cried Jack . That was all it took , he loved his new room . As soon as Jack could see that his same things were in the new house , he was okay with it . There were so many memories in this house we called home for 10 years . Rick had planted a Blue Spruce tree on the side of the house . It was as tall as Jack at two years old . It had grown to about eight foot by the time Rick had died . " We can always come see the trees , Jack , " they will still be here . We had also planted a redbud , and a sycamore and many , many , many bushes . Ruthie Ropig was a statue that stood in the middle of the triangle of garden by the front door . I had been at a flea market in Leesburg and saw it . I wanted her so badly . I came all the way and told Rick about it ; he told me to go back and get it if I really wanted it . I drove like a wild woman back to Leesburg to get it before someone else snatched it up . I loved it . Jack and I would sit on the front bench in the evenings waiting for Rick to arrive home after his 14 minute commute . I usually had supper waiting for us as soon as he walked in the door . One day as we were waiting for Rick to arrive , Jack noticed the statue . " What 's her name , Mama ? " " Her name is Ruthie Roszel , " I explained . " No it 's not ! " he said . " It 's Ruthie Ropig ! " " I don 't think I like that name , " I said . However from that day forward she was known as Ruthie Ropig . We also had crazy things like big rocks . Big rocks to anyone else were big rocks ; to us , they told a story . There was a large on at the end of our path to the drive . It had been there since we moved in . It was rather round and flat , just right for sitting on while mom planted impatiens . There was another that had come from the lake on a trip up to visit my parents . I took it from the lake shore . Another was from the rock wall at 192 Groton Avenue where we grew up . To anyone else these were insignificant things but to us they told the stories of our lives . These were what Jack did not want to leave behind as we were thinking about leaving . To my son , seeing the familiar , the cherished and loved were what made him feel good . It was going to take some convincing to get him to let go of some things in order to move . I love my realtor , Annie Johnson . Rick and I were dreaming of a single family home and took a walk around the shopping center where we grocery shopped . We looked in the window at the homes they had posted on the window . We had only been in our townhouse for less than a year . When we bought the townhouse we took an FHA loan so we only needed a small down payment . We managed to wiggle our way into it . Jack was about eighteen months when we moved in . I read in the paper that the Feds were raising the ceiling on FHA homes due to the sudden surge in home prices . First time buyers were being forced out of the market . When we purchased the townhouse it was at $ 104 , 000 ; our purchase price was $ 104 , 000 . I was willing to gamble if we priced our home at $ 120 , 000 , it would sell . Rick was not the risk - taker ; I was and I was ready to take a chance . We walked into the office and there at the front desk was a warm , pretty woman of about 45 smiling at us . This was Anne Johnson , born in Tennessee , y ' all . She talked faster than anyone I had ever met and ended almost every sentence with " the whole nine yards and all the way around . " Anne was a character , a hard worker and understood our struggle . She agreed that my plan might work and came to the townhouse a few days later and made some recommendations for fix - up but it was in really good shape already so they were minor . Anne had the house on the market in a week . The MLS listing went in the computer at 8 a . m . , the sign went up on the front lawn at 11 a . m . and we had a contract by that evening . I was amazed and delighted at the same time . Anne had been an interior decorator ; her husband was retired military . She took up real estate to put her three boys through college . She had lived in the Sterling Park since her boys were young and knew every nook and cranny worth looking at . We had two weeks to find a home and we saw plenty . It was only after one contract wasn 't accepted that we found the house on Poplar Rd . Rick was the one who saw the potential . I knew what a coat of paint would do and some hard work . It was the one and they accepted our contract . Jack and Michael loved our house . The backyard had nooks and crannies just right for using their imagination . They had a fort with swings , a vegetable garden they helped their dad with , a secret hiding place behind they shed and up on the roof where they could stare over the fence . Rick had a hammock that was hung right between two big maple trees . We all climbed in and looked up into the trees and listened to a mockingbird that frequented our yard . The slab of concrete patio was surrounded by a six foot privacy fence when we moved in . We put up our own fence on the perimeter of the property to keep people from passing through our yard and Jack safe . I had Rick cut the fence in half and put the top back on . I kept the side that faced our neighbors up so we had privacy and the rest opened our yard up . I stained it redwood . I guess I felt like we did a lot with the little we had . Rick hung a tire swing in the big maple . Jack would swing for hours and climb the tree ; he loved being outside . They played baseball in the side yard and would hit wiffle balls over the roof of the house into the street from the backyard . We had a small dining room . My aunt had given me a beautiful mahogany table and chair set and I wound a dry sink at a yard sale . My favorite memories are of having tea parties with my boys when Rick had to work on a day we had off from school . I would make tea and crumpets and serve the boys tea in fine china cups . They loved it . Moving was in our plan and I was ready to move closer to family . It was the right decision . I just needed to contact Anne and get the ball rolling . Yep , the whole nine yards and all the way around ! Our house was located on a corner lot but backed to a town home community common ground . This was quite lucky , since we knew that no one would build there and that we would maintain our privacy . Our lot looked like a large wedge of pie ; the crust was the street and the sides were my neighbors on one side and the common ground on the other side . It had a very large front yard and smaller backyard but it was just right for us . The location was perfect for many things one of which was having yard sales . I would just put a sign out on the corner and get a ton of people . I had a yard sale after we had pared down our belongings . My boys thought a sale was great . Both of them get very attached to their possessions but as long as I said they could keep the money from the sale , they were a little more cooperative about getting rid of things . When I was little , my mom would tell us that we had to clean out our things and get them ready for the poor people . In my mind , I could picture poor , unfortunate children with no toys or clothing . I was prepared to give them everything I owned . Every time I said that to my boys when they were growing up they would say , " I hate the poor people . I 'm not giving them anything . " I don 't know how it happened that they came to be so selfish . They had so much in comparison to me or my siblings but they didn 't want to give anything up . Michael is still so damaged from my donating some of his favorite picture books to his second grade teacher that he still hasn 't forgiven me . He is always making reference to some book I gave away . I 've had to go on Ebay several times to resurrect some obscure title from his preschool years that I " ripped out of his hands " to give to the poor people . I used to have people just stop at my house and ask me if they could provide some service . The very first time it happened it was a driveway company . A young guy in his early twenties knocked on my door and wanted to know if I was interested in having our driveway replaced . It was a mess and I was interested but had little cash reserve . I asked if he would allow me to pay him in two installments . He said yes and off he went having only charged me $ 600 . He arrived the next morning and installed a beautiful thick driveway . I was beside myself . I paid him $ 300 that day and the balance the next month . What terrific luck ! Had we called a paving company , it would have been at least $ 1200 . We lived in that small house for ten years . During that time , we replaced the windows , the stove , dishwasher , washer , furnace and air conditioning . We had transformed the outside with landscaping , new shutters , new fence and I had painted the house myself . Even though I was looking forward to moving , we had many fond memories from the place . In the end , it would be difficult to move … We talked about Angela 's Ashes by Frank McCourt , Mike said he wanted to read it so I lent it to him . I read it when my mom was with me . I was in my room reading and got so depressed reading it that I would come out to her and say , " Mom , it has no redeeming value . It was doom and gloom and gloom and doom ! I did not like it . I may have felt that it was too close to my grandparents ' lives ; I didn 't want to imagine in my mind the hopelessness . I was biased with my total Irish roots . Mike was going to his mom 's house the next evening to play piano with a group that played together . He described it as a classical group . Most of the members were as old as his mom ; he was the baby of the group but liked to play with them . His family grew up on the mountain . It may have been Rag Mountain . I was so taken with the vision that he conjured up in my head that I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall . He asked me if I played and I told him that I played guitar and sang . He wanted me to play for him then and there in my house but I passed . I told him that if he played his piano for me I would play my guitar and sing for him . The deal was made ; I would drive out to his home and he would be my guest for dinner and then we would go to his house for a musical evening . Mike lived in a circle of duplex homes . He complained about how the neighborhood had changed and that he wanted to move further west . We took my van and drove to one of the local restaurants in town . He had recommended it . It was Tarara Mill . It was lovely . The dinner was fabulous . I enjoyed filet mignon and he had the fish followed by cups of coffee . It was a slow relaxing feeling in the restaurant . We just enjoyed the time to talk . We drove back to the house and there was the baby grand piano . It dwarfed the rest of the room ; it was beautiful . I could have just spent some time staring at it . Mike was an awesome player . He played some Bach and Beethoven pieces . He was so impressive . I was feeling a bit out of my league . This was sort of like I 'll give you a ride in my Lexus if you give me a ride on your Neon . A deal was a deal though , I got out my guitar and tuned it up . Then I played sang him a few tunes . House at Pooh Corner by Kenny Loggins and Four Green Fields by Tommy Maken and a few others . Mike liked hearing me sing and I loved hearing him play . It was just a fun evening . We had truly enjoyed our time together . I knew that we would probably see each other again as he would do the repair work I would need when I purchased a new home . As much as I would have loved to explore a relationship or a few dates with him , I got the feeling that he was very used to playing the field . I am sure that he looked at my sad life and saw a woman still dealing with her grief and her two kids . I had a great time and that was the memory to keep and of course , his phone number which I used often in the future . 1 . Beware of bad boys2 . Intelligence is very attractive3 . A sense of humor is essential4 . Self - sufficiency is expected5 . A lovely dinner with conversation and a treat at the end of the evening is a great date Jack was a little nervous the first day but once he made it into a boat , he was in heaven . I met my class in the office . There was Charlie . . . I remember my mom describing my father 's calling hours to me when I was younger . " Everyone came to see , Jimmy . I know that going . . . |
Teach Boys Not to Rape March 14 , 2013 By Melissa Atkins Wardy 20 Comments Benny ( 4yo ) and I were just wrestling and tickling . I had him pinned and was chewing on his leg when he giggled and screamed " Stop ! " . The dog jumped up and barked , so I didn 't hear him . I started to give him a zerbert on his tummy ( Benny , not the dog . That 's weird . ) but he grabbed my hand and said very firmly , " MOM ! I said stop an bren someone tells you to stop you breespect dem ! " There is a national debate right now about the idea of teaching boys not to rape as a viable why to stop rape . That should be a full stop , not sure why there debate . This all coincides with the criminal trial in Ohio of two high school students accused of the heinous rape of a drugged and unconscious girl . We teach boys not to rape by starting in our homes and starting when they are small . Scratch that , they don 't need to be small , just start talking . I 'm not going to talk to my preschool aged son about rape and Rape Culture . Instead , I 'm going to teach him a foundation of respect for himself and for others so that when the day comes that we do have that talk , he understands to his very core that every person has the right to expect respect for their body , and to trespass against that is entirely wrong . Tagged With : body respect , boys , personal safety , Rape Culture , Steubenville rape trial , teach boys not to rapeTricky People , Tummy Voices , and Trusting Strangers October 13 , 2012 By Melissa Atkins Wardy 3 Comments As many of you know , my family has spent the past 18 months in some drama - rama while we were stalked by a neighbor . The situation has been handled , with much thanks to our city 's police department and courthouse personnel . While it was going on , one of the things that scared my husband and I was that our kids knew our stalker - his name and where he lived ( two doors down ) . He wasn 't a " stranger " , my kids saw him nearly every day . This was both a blessing and a curse , but it is exactly why I 've never taught my children Stranger Danger . During the entire ordeal , we called the suspect the " Creeper " . After the night he tried to break in , Benny changed the name to " Robberness Creeper " . Every time I spoke to the police ( kids were almost always present , and it was many times ) I referred to the suspect both by his name and by " Robberness Creeper " . I had my kids shake the police officer 's hand and talk directly to the police about what they saw and their " tummy voices " ( intuition ) . I consciously made the kids active participants in their safety , instead of victims of a crime . To their credit , the police were wonderfully wonderful with the kids . But in this situation , the police officers were strangers to my kids , and the Robberness Creeper was someone they had become familiar with . While child abduction by a stranger are simultaneously horrific and sensationalized , they are rare . Very rare . We need to give our kids practical , smart safety guidelines to follow . I love what is covered in this blog post and the highlighted website ( I agree with 98 % of the website ) . I think these guidelines have a base rooted in critical thinking about personal safety that extends well beyond the childhood years . I 've been asked to explain what " tummy voices " are - It is a term Amelia came up with , but we talked about the feeling of knowing something or someone is unsafe . Like the feeling right before going down a really big slide for the first time , or swinging high on a swing and thinking about jumping off - that should I / shouldn 't I voice . Or taking a walk and thinking about a mean dog , just when a neighbor 's dog rushes to their fence and starts to bark , that is a " tummy voice " . She described it as her head feeling " fizzy " and her tummy having a voice - and when you think about the biophysical effects fear has on the body , she is spot on . The word " intuition " or " instinct " doesn 't mean anything to a preschooler who pretty much lives day to day on instinct . But preschoolers have some of the strongest tummy voices around because they don 't rationalize like adults do , they just observe and feel . In the end , we took our Robberness Creeper to court , got a restraining order , his family moved him out , and we haven 't seen him since . During all of this , the police officers , court clerks , bailiff , lawyer , and judge were all strangers to my children . And every single one of them had my children 's safety and best interest at heart . It was the man we knew who was a danger . " NO NOOOO NO No NO NO NO NO NO . " " Please don 't do this to me . Please don 't do this to me . Please don 't do this to me . " Sometimes things happen so fast it doesn 't feel like there is time to think and when it is over , you stand there wondering if what just happened , happened . My hands were shaking and both of my children were crying , bordering on hysterical . It had happened . Let me back up , to last Thursday when I took my children to the pediatrician to catch up on some shots we had missed . My daughter really hates getting shots , so I had spent the two days prior preparing her for the two shots she would be getting , and why she needed to get them . We talked about what would happen , we talked about some diseases being very serious and needing prevention , and we planned a special reward for when it was over . We arrive at the doctor 's office and the kids go bananas because the waiting room has been completely remodeled , there is a new fish tank to press noses against , and a circular leather couch the kids deem an air hole in the Arctic ice and they morph into whales . Next they notice a small set of carpeted stairs in the corner and turn it into a stage , singing something about cats while we waited for our turn . We don 't go to the doctor very often , so the kids hadn 't been in the office in eight months or so . A nurse or Medical Assistant we had never seen called us back and roomed us . The patient rooms were also new , and the kids were still excited and exploring everything . When I made the appointment three weeks ago I mentioned that my daughter was very scared of getting shots and that this appointment needed to happen quickly . This nurse , or MA , asked me what we were here for , and I looked at her puzzled and told her the kids needed a couple of shots . She asked if I knew which ones , and I inquired into why she was not prepared , nor had our charts pulled . I asked her to open our chart on the computer , and she seemed annoyed by the request . She opened my son 's chart first , and said " Oh my God , he 's missing like everything . I 'm not sure what to do . Do you want us to give him everything today ? " No , I did not . I wrote down what I wanted for him . I asked her to pull up my daughter 's chart , and Amelia had quieted down and came to my side , eyes very wide . As I looked at her chart , I noticed vaccines listed on there I had not approved ( we reduce and delay , a decision that is met with indifference at this office ) . I was pissed . I asked to see the doctor , and was told he was on vacation until next week . I tried to calm down since there was nothing I could do at that moment , and I wrote down what I wanted my daughter to have . The nurse asked if I wanted to speak to one of the other doctors , I declined . She then said it would take her a few minutes " to get all these shots ready " . The nurse left the room , not once addressing or acknowledging either child . Freaking brilliant , I thought . " I don 't know why she said it that way , Honey . She needs to get two shots for you and two for Benny . It will be two quick little pokes in your leg , and then you are all done . " Me " I don 't want shots . Mom , I 'm really scared , " Amelia said , and the tears started to roll . I wrapped her up in a hug . " I understand that you are scared , but shots are something we have to do so that we don 't get very sick with a bad disease that could put us in the hospital or kill us . The nurse will do it very quickly . It will just feel like a little pinch , " I tried reassuring her . No luck . Amelia is an deeply emotional creature . She is very bright and very intense . She is a wonderful little girl who is deathly afraid of shots . I 'm deathly afraid of clowns . I get it . I respect her , and if the child is terrified , it is my personal experience having worked with children with deep fears of water and swimming , to wrap them in love and security and ease them through their fears to get them to a place of confidence and understanding . I chose Benny to go first , scooped him up , and put him on the table . The room was small and crowded . Amelia scooted under the exam table . I could hear her crying softly . I helped Benny undo his snap and wiggle down his pants . He laid down on the table and began to cry a little . I held his hands and the second nurse had her hands on his feet . I told him to give me Eskimo kisses as the shots went in . He cried from the pain , but was otherwise a trooper . I got him redressed and hugged him , handed him a book , wiped away his tears , and sat him in one of the chairs . Amelia was at this point crying very loudly , and had plastered herself to the wall underneath the exam table . Because the room was so small and I had been dealing with Ben , I let her go there because it seemed to make her feel safe . Since neither one of the medical staff had even acknowledged her , I 'm going to assume she didn 't feel secure in the hands of two strangers who had just made her little brother cry . With Amelia crying hard , I reached under and pulled her hand to help her out . She did not come very willingly . I tried to pick her up from under her arm pits and plop her bottom on the table , but she bucked off , and began screaming " No " over and over again . I still had her under her arms , tummy to tummy . I had my face nuzzled into her hair , and was trying to tell her that she would be okay , I understood she was scared , and that I would hold her the entire time . I don 't think she heard any of it over the crying . I could feel the nurses getting tense . I understood their annoyance , but the kid was terrified . Terrified . Not acting like a brat , she was terrified . I was hoping one of them would say something to her , or try to distract her for a moment . They just stood there . Benny was still crying a bit , too , saying his legs really hurt . I was about to ask the nurses to leave and give us a minute to get collected , when it happened . " No . No no no NO ! Please ! Please don 't do this to me ! Please ! No , I am too scared ! NO ! " Amelia . " What ? ! NO ! " I said very sharply , not wanting my child 's pants ripped off her body , nor her to have a needle jammed in her leg when her body wasn 't still . But the words of the nurse and the pleas of my daughter did it . My head swirled like when you are about to pass out , and all of my rape memories came back to me . I don 't talk about it and I don 't think about it , but the words , and the cries of my daughter , it was just enough to trigger it all , I guess . I tried to say something to Amelia , but my mouth didn 't open . I wanted to punch the nurse in the face , but for obvious reasons , did not . I turned to look at Ben , and he sat there , his little three year old body in the big chair , he had tears streaming down his face as he said , " Nama , Nama , " his pet name for his big sister . " Please don 't do this to me . Please don 't do this to me . Please don 't do this to me . " It was Amelia saying those words , but it had been me saying those words in my mind 15 years prior when I had been drugged and raped . I had been awake enough to know what was happening , too drugged to move or fight back . I tried to squash all of that down , and be present for my daughter , but she had stopped fighting at that point , she had given up . I wanted to weep . The nurses had backed off , and were standing at the end of the table . I just wanted this over and these women away from my children . I could not believe we were experiencing this . " Amelia , I know you are scared . It is okay . Mommy is going to undo your button and I am going to wiggle your pants under your bum and you are going to get your shots . " Amelia 's eyes were rolled back in her head , and she was crying , but in a way that was more like moaning now . This is absolutely dreadful , I remember thinking . But this all took place in about 20 - 40 seconds . I was upset myself and I didn 't know what to do . Should I tell them to stop ? That we 'll reschedule ? There was no way I 'd ever get Amelia back in here . The second nurse reached up and very gently helped Amelia wiggle down her pants , they very quickly gave her the shots and put Band Aids on , said a short " Okay then you 're all set " and left the room . I stood there in shock . Hurt and fury and shock . Amelia stood up , crying , fist clenched , and screamed in my face , " SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO TAKE DOWN MY PANTS ! " . Amelia was righteously pissed . Amelia should be . She has been taught since about the age of two what the rules of her body are . She knows the names of her private parts , of male private parts , and that no one should touch her nor ask her to touch them or somebody else . She knows whether it is a kid or an adult , a stranger or someone we know , whether it feels good or is scary , no one is to touch her body . She knows unless she is at the doctor and Mom is in the room , no one is to ask her to take her clothes off so that they can look at her . As she has gotten older , she has developed on her own an attack plan of what she would do if someone tried to touch her or steal her . We have talked to her about " tummy voices " and how to listen to her intuition . We have raised her to be aware and confident and not to be fearful . She knows she can ask me or my husband questions , or come to us if something occurs and that she won 't get in trouble . She has been taught this . She knows the rules of her body . Years ago at her three year old check up , she sat in her Dora panties while the doctor examined her and felt her tummy , and when he pressed on her lower abdomen , she popped up , put her finger in the air and other hand on her hip and spouted off what we joke are her " Vagina Monologues " , which is a 90 second rant on private parts and who can and cannot touch her body . The doctor very respectfully put his hands together and backed off . Little girlfriend would have none of it . And that is why last Thursday was so devastating for me . For Amelia . She had been taught and had embraced the idea that she was in control of her body . She knew what was right and what was wrong . She knew she had the right to say no . She knew her body was hers . Yet this nurse , in her demonstrated complete lack of respect for my daughter , was going to forcefully remove the child 's pants . Now , I 've never worked as a nurse , but I have worked with kids consistently since I was twelve years old . That 's 21 years of kiddom . I can think of 4 - 5 things off the top of my head that the nurses could have done to gain the trust of my child and make the shots go more smoothly . Or they could have left the room and let me calm my terrified child down . My dogs have been shown more compassion by their vet . Yesterday , when I spoke to the doctor , he said the nurses denied it happening and that he was unsure what to do . I said I wanted the nurse formally disciplined , and for his staff to be addressed on bedside manner to children , and having a little extra compassion for young children terrified of needles . He said he was so very sorry this had happened . I said I was furious that my husband and I had worked so hard to give Amelia a strong body image and know the rules of her body , and we come to the place whose sole purpose it is to safe guard her health , and that as the child is crying " No " all of it was undone by one nurse . The doctor said he doubts most kids would have reacted as strongly as Amelia , and that maybe that was a result of what we had taught her . He said it was usually best not to bargain and just get it over with . He said she wouldn 't need shots again until she was ten , so she would be okay and get over it . I felt completely patronized and judged . My daughter was terrified , and what happened to her was traumatic . We will not be returning to his care . This would be a pertinent time to interject that 1 in 4 girls will be sexually molested or assaulted by the time they are 18 years old . For boys , 1 in 6 . My children are taught the rules of their bodies . 1 in 4 teens will suffer violence in a dating relationship . 15 % of rape survivors are under the age of 12 years old . My children know their bodies belong to them , and that they have the right to demand respect for their bodies . As a parent , I will not apologize to my doctor or to anyone for teaching them that natural born right . You 're damn straight my daughter reacted strongly . Later that afternoon I had to go to Madison for a segment on the news . I let Amelia come to the studio with me . She had a tired and glazed look in her eye . She had stared out the window , not talking , for the 45 minute drive to Madison . She was withdrawn . In the parking lot , she asked if she could question the reporters about whales . I said we would try . After my segment the anchors called her over to the news desk , and she was shy at first as they lether ask her questions about news stories on whales . Amelia is obsessed with whales , and they were asking questions back and answering her questions and the light came back on in her eyes . She was Amelia again . Within ten minutes she was sitting on the lap of the anchor I had done the segment with , and was inviting all of them to her birthday party . They had taken the time to gain the trust of the child . When we returned home that night , she was talking to my husband at the dinner table , and she pounded her little fist on the table as she said to my husband , " That nurse had no right to take my pants down . " My husband agreed with her , he assured her that he and I were very angry , and that we would be talking to that nurse 's boss and that what she did was very wrong . Luckily , several of our dear family friends are nurses , and we are going to schedule some time for Amelia to go in and see them at work and give them hugs and have an experience that allows her to see loving , respectful nurses at work . We took time over the next couple of days to talk with both kids about what happened , what was not right about it , and why . We talked about how Amelia could have acted differently , even though she was very very scared . " I understand that . You were very upset and very scared . You won 't have to get shots for a long time , so we have lots of time to practice being calm . So do you want to write the nurse a letter ? " I ask . " What if she doesn 't understand what that means ? What does that mean , by the way ? " I wonder as I try to figure out where this is going . " Oh . Oh - ho - ho - ho . Oh she 'll know what it means , " says Amelia , as she pushes away her chair and gets up to go play with the puppy . Amelia seems to be okay , but I do not know what to expect the next time she has to go to the doctor . And now I have to find a new doctor . While I hate what happened to us last Thursday , I am thankful I was present when it happened , and can help her understand it . I am thankful beyond words it was not a more serious situation , say one of sexual molestation or assault . I don 't ever want that level of violation to happen to my cherished daughter 's body , to any child 's body . It is the right of the child to have their body pass through their childhood much loved and unharmed . 1 . Please , please get comfortable talking to your kids about their bodies , private parts , and sex . You might need to get honest with yourself and move past some issues you may have in order to have this ongoing and evolving conversation with your child . Do that . 3 . Please , please get honest about the fact that these inappropriate touches 90 % of the time come from people the child will know and consider safe . Your child must know that he or she will never be in trouble for being honest with you . 4 . When a situation happens that is uncomfortable to talk about , get uncomfortable and talk about it . Allow your kids to express their emotions , and ask questions about what happened . Help them interpret their actions and the actions of the others involved . Their being a child does not diminish their rights . 5 . Take time to get to know the staff at your doctor 's office . If something doesn 't feel right to you , ask questions or even take a timeout to take a step back . Respect a doctor 's time spent in school and knowledge , but recognize that you are the boss of your child 's body and will have a say in their medical care . 6 . Teach your child that medical professionals are there to help them , and that sometimes we have to do things at the doctor we don 't want to do , like eye drops or shots or a throat culture to protect our health . But it is possible for a nurse or doctor to step outside of the realm of professional appropriateness and your child always has the right to speak up when they don 't like what is happening to their body . If it helps , develop a code word with your child that is a signal that they are uncomfortable ( also works with neighbors or coaches or extended family ) and need to speak to you in private ASAP . 7 . YOU are your child 's biggest advocate . You are their voice in situations they cannot fully understand . Children cry and act out when they cannot voice what is happening to them . Children see the world differently than we do . Show them respect and see things from their eye level . Use your voice to stand up for them . It may not change what happened , but it will teach your child they are worth fighting for , and that you speak up and speak out when something is unjust . When we discussed this on Facebook last week , I received some judgemental comments saying that Amelia 's behavior was inappropriate for a 5yo and that I had allowed my daughter to act in a way that was bratty and that I need more control as a parent . I want to make clear , this wasn 't Amelia being bratty , this was Amelia being terrified . There is a big difference , and the difference is an important one . I think telling a child to " Suck it up " when they are in a state of terror directly tells them their feelings are unimportant to what adults want to do with their bodies . I will not teach my children that , and if that makes me a bad parent , I 'll take it . I am stern with my children , but not in a way that disregards their feelings , especially when that feeling is terror . I try very hard , every day , to be present and parent from a place that is loving and respectful , not intimidating and dismissive . I respect them enough to not force my will on them , but rather have them come around to a decision because they understand the situation . At 5 . 5 yo and 3 . 5 yo and both extremely intelligent , they are capable of doing this . Let 's please not turn the Comments into a vaccine debate . That is not the point of this post . We reduce and delay our shots , these were the last on my well - researched list , and we have family that lives abroad so it was important to get these in before we saw everyone at the holidays and my kids were exposed to things they normally would not be in this country . July 19 , 2014 - I wanted to update this story with two things . One , after this incident took place we moved our care to a new pediatrician at a new office . Both our doctor and her nurses are outstanding and beyond respectful to me and my children . We love our new doctor 's office and while there are still some tears after getting shots the staff has worked so patiently with the children do diminish their fears . Amelia and Ben both still remember and talk about this incident , but as time has passed it has become less traumatic for all of us . The children use it as their benchmark for never being touched in ways they don 't like and for when adults are out of line with children . Second , I wanted to share this video of a pediatrician who clearly is a master of his craft and clearly adores his small patients . This is what respect looks like in pediatric care , towards children and towards parents . This is how we teach children they are in control of their bodies and that mom / dad / doctor will look out for their health while including the child in that process as an active participant rather than a specimen . Let me back up a minute . Last weekend we were out in the yard as a family working in the garden , my daughter and I by our back gate tying the climbing roses to the trellis , teaching them to grow over . She was chattering away and handing me the string while I was on the step ladder trying to avoid thorns . And a guy I 'd never seen walked by . We live in a town of about 60 , 000 people , but you get to know the folks and faces of your neighborhood . I know all of my neighbors . And it is Wisconsin , so everyone smiles ( with teeth showing ) and greets each other with a " How are ya ? " . The guy I 'd never seen before was dressed oddly for the weather . I noticed it , but that little voice in my head told me to pay attention to it . He looked at me , but didn 't smile . His face had an odd expression on it . He was walking oddly , like he was paying a lot of attention to our yard with it trying to look like he wasn 't . That little voice in my head told me to pay attention to that , too . We have two large dogs who are not friendly to strangers , so I figured he 'd head down the sidewalk and my dogs would bark at him as he walked the length of the fence . But then he doubled back and I watched him walk to the corner and look around . We have a bunch of young guys that just moved in next door . They were having a party and I figured this schmuck was just trying to figure out where their house was . Everything about him was odd . Off . A few minutes later he had returned to the side of my house and I could feel him looking at me . More importantly , I could feel him looking at my daughter . My hackles went up . I put on my bitchiest voice , looked him square in the eye , and addressed him . " Uh , no . I 'm not lost . My car ran out of gas , so I thought I 'd walk to the store before it rains . " - Him " Doesn 't look like rain . Store is that way . " - Me , pointing in the direction he 'd come , to the main thoroughfare we live off . He was acting weird , just … . off . My dogs were snarling at the gate , and for the first time all day Amelia had stopped talking . I held my ground and continued staring him in the eye , but by now my stomach had ice in it . That little voice in my head ? Was screaming at me " Remember him ! " . I memorized his face . I used to be an investigator , I was good at this stuff back in the day . " You 'll want to walk that way for the store . And you 'll want to walk that way now . " - Me . I felt like a bad ass . Like some cheesy Clint Eastwood line . My husband had heard the tone in my voice , and he came to the gate . He 's Texan . He doesn 't take kindly to people on his property . " Fella , you need something ? " - Husband And the guy left . Amelia said something about him being weird , and I just gave my husband a look . A bit later when the kids were occupied I told my husband how creepy the guy was , and that my head was telling me there was something not right . Fast forward to tonight - My husband and I were up late talking about family stuff and folding laundry . It was a cool summer evening and the midnight breeze was welcome through all of the open windows in our home . He went up to bed , and I went into the the bathroom . I thought I heard a noise at the gate , but I dismissed it . I was looking at my eyebrow in the mirror when I heard the same noise again . There was that little voice again , saying " Oh Darling , why don 't we pay attention to that . There 's no wind tonight and the gate is moving . " So I was listening , but I wanted to brush my teeth . Another noise , another whisper from my little voice . I was about to sit down to pee , when I heard a shoe scuff on the sidewalk and my little voice was no longer quiet . It screamed at me , " Go to the window ! Now ! " . I pulled back the curtain , and there was that same man , standing with his hand on my back gate . He was already looking directly at me when my eyes focused on him . He was already looking at me . Wait , had he been watching me ? I was terrified . Not just scared . I was terrified . His hand was on the gate . He had been trying to open it . The gate is hard to open . He was ten , maybe twelve feet from my baby son 's bedroom window . Had my husband left the window open ? He had left the window open the night before and I yelled at him , telling him never to leave first floor windows open . He was already looking at me . I was instantly terrified . I was barely breathing . He was ten feet from my son 's window . I took a deep breath , and said as loudly as I could , " Then f * cking scram " - Me . Taking a photograph of his face with my mind . He backed up a few steps , but this I will remember always - he had no emotion on his face . He wasn 't surprised , angry , startled , scared , embarrassed . Nothing . This was the same man from last weekend . He had been standing there , watching me . Oh . God . The back door was still open . Unlocked . Where were the dogs ? They were rushing into the kitchen . I heard my husband get out of bed upstairs . I ran for the phone . 911 . I ran to the kitchen , knowing the knife block would be there as soon as I walked in . Closer to me than him , should he be coming through the door or window . I 'd put up a fight . My children were sleeping in their beds . I 'd take his face off with my teeth . I was scared , but quickly transitioning into full Mama Bear mode . The 911 operator asked for my address , asked if I could still see the man . Holy Jeezus I was terrified . The dogs were at my side , agitated , but not going crazy . The big one had his hackles up . I slammed shut the window , slipped the lock on the door . I could hear my husband 's feet on the stairs . My brain took over , calmly telling the operator the man 's description . It was the same man as the other weekend . The police arrived within two mintues . The operator asked if I felt safe . Yes , my husband was here , I was okay . The operator said an officer would come talk to us after they searched the neighborhood . I told my husband it was the same man , and I saw anger flash in his eyes . He grabbed a Mag Light and headed outside with one of the dogs . The officer came to our front door after a while . He listened carefully and wrote down everything I said . I stood in the middle of my home , our big dog at my feet , with my hand on my belly . Adrenaline was swirling in my head , but with my eyes closed , I said a little prayer of thanks . Thankful that I had listened to my gut . Thankful that the shoe scuff that had made me go to the window had stayed on the outside of my gate . Thankful my children were still safely asleep in their beds . We 've heard it before , about that little voice that at first whispers to you , then gets louder and louder until finally a piano needs to be dropped on your head . Oprah Winfrey talked about this a lot . I think it is valuable advice for parents , especially women . We are intuitive creatures . As mothers , even more so . But many times we discredit ourselves , and we so often want to please others . Many women don 't like to appear brash or rude . We don 't want to seem like a bitch . We want to be liked , we don 't want to rock the boat . Update : I wanted to thank you all for your concern for myself and my family . We are well and we are safe . I also wanted to post an update that this past Sunday , I again called the police because I saw this man in a yard two doors down from my home . It was his residence , and I rather enjoyed watching him get frisked in his front yard and driven away in a squad car . That matter has been taken care of , and I am certain we will not have any future problems with this individual . Updated Update : 10 / 18 / 11 I was wrong . Super wrong . We are still having problems with this individual . We remain vigilant and in contact with the police . Update to the Updated Update : 7 / 14 / 12 My family has continued to have to call the police on this neighbor , and other neighbors continue to watch out for our family . We had a new neighbor move in across the street two weeks ago , directly corresponding with our Creeper 's behavior escalating . Last night my six year old daughter listened to her intuition and didn 't ignore the feeling that she was being watched . She looked out the door to see the man standing on the sidewalk , staring in at us . She alerted me immediately . He walked past our house , very very slowly four more times , at which point I went outside and had a few words with him . He left , but a few minutes later I saw him casing our house by car . I called the police , who arrived within minutes . Luckily it was an officer we have worked with before on this issue . Amelia did an awesome job of giving her report to the officer , and I had both kids practice telling the officer their names , birthdays , and phone number . I am very grateful to the Janesville Police Department for their concern and professionalism while handing this case . I also love that the officer acknowledged that she thought my Mama Bear instincts were right on this one , and told my kids so . She then went over with my kids what to do should this man ever approach or try to touch them or talk to them . Amelia told the officer she always listens to her " tummy voice " , and the officer said she is a very smart girl . While the officer went to talk to the Creeper , our new neighbor came over to check on us . He was concerned when he saw the squad car outside and knew it had to do with the living next to him . He said he sees this guy staring at and walking past our house all of the time . We chatted , introduced him to the kids , exchanged numbers , and he promised to keep on the lookout . My husband wasn 't home , so he waited with me until the officer came back , and then gave her his statement of what he has seen the Creeper doing . The moral of my story is LISTEN to your gut . LISTEN to the voice in your head trying to protect you . Be loud when you have to . Get to know your neighbors so that they aren 't strangers and can help you when you need it . And teach your kids to do the same . Last night I woke up in the middle of the night unable to sleep , so I walked around the house checking locks and windows . Then I pulled " The Gift of Fear " and " Protecting the Gift " by Gavin de Becker and started reading them again . Please , please read those books . Dear Lord Let This Be the Last Update 8 / 23 / 12 : Last week we had a hearing for a Restraining Order against our neighbor . The judged and attorneys involved were awesome , and our family is now protected ( as much as a Restraining Order can ) . The neighbor has some mental health issues , and it seems this has finally woken up his family that perhaps he should not be living on his own . The better news is that we saw the neighbor 's family moving his possessions out of the house , and it seems he will be leaving the neighborhood . I am finally able to sleep again for the first time in a long time . Let 's hope this is the end of this story ! 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As it turns out , I wasn 't late . It was a misty morning in Prague . I caught the train to the tram to the bus with no problems . I even accidentally got off at the wrong stop and had to wait for the next bus . That was a little awkward . I wasn 't paying attention , then when I heard the announcement " airport terminal something " I panicked and jumped off . I didn 't see anything that looked like an airport . I thought perhaps the public bus just dropped you off nearby and you had to walk the rest of the way . My main concern is that I had no idea which terminal to go to . I had no wifi at my apartment , and no way of getting online before my journey . I spend a few minutes at a security point at some nearby complex . I thought this could make sense , you know , airports and security . I spoke with a very confused Czech man who I 'm sure had no idea why I was demanding information about the airport . The language barrier didn 't help . I decided I had no options but to get back on the bus and try again . I didn 't wait long . The real airport was three stops further . I arrived two hours before my flight almost to the minute , so I was feeling quite good about everything . I find flying and airports kind of relaxing . I spend so much time in my daily life right now running around . I 'm always trying to figure out where I am , where I 'm going , it 's exhausting . In an airport , as long as you get there with the recommended two hours , you just move through the machine . You don 't have to figure anything out yourself , and then you 're on a plane . Not only are airplanes fun and exciting , but you 're actually forced to do nothing . I don 't allow myself that often , and I actually really enjoy it . The thing that I like about airports is that , even when things go wrong , you 're just rerouted . You still follow a planned route . That was the case today . That romantic fog is not so seductive for take offs and landings . I was told to have a coffee and come back for more info in a half hour . I never mind having a nice coffee . Moreover , the whole airport had free wifi , so I was sufficiently entertained . When I came back , they were going ahead with my flight to Warsaw with only a small delay . It was a small delay that would make me miss my connecting flight , but that was their problem to worry about , not mine . This is why I like airports . When trains are cancelled or things go awry any place else , you have to figure out your own solution . I can be a very zen traveller when things are out of my control . Plus , I always try to remember how much anger and frustration the poor airline employees have to face on days like this . They 're not responsible for the weather , they 're just here to help accommodate you in the best way possible . And I hope that , if the time ever comes that there is a single seat left on a flight to Athens or some extra goodies to give out , they 'll remember the nice girl who smiled and wished them a pleasant day . That 's me . I 'm sitting at a window seat in the Starbucks , observing the misty cause of our delay and writing addresses on postcards . I had been worried that I wouldn 't have enough time to use wifi and get that taken care of , so I was glad for the time . I was pretty absorbed in my task , and had just finished when I realized at a quite curt Czech voice was directed at me . They were ordering me to leave because there was some suspicious luggage . I suddenly realize that I am the only person left in the place and there is security tape all around me . I quickly try to gather my things . I 'm sure I looked like the clueless tourist of the year as I fled the Starbucks in total disarray . They hadn 't just blocked off the shop but that whole half of the airport . Whoops . I saw the offending backpack on my way . I kept thinking to myself that if this thing explodes and kills me while I 'm trying to pick up all these darn postcards , Matthew is going to have new passion for his career . Displaced , I decided that this was as good a time as any to head back to the check in desk and see about my flight . I was told that I should go ahead and get through security , it would only be delayed 45 minutes . I 'd probably miss my connecting flight since I 'd had only a 30 minute layover , but they told me that they would work something else out for me at Warsaw . After waiting around by the gate for a while , the flight was cancelled completely . I was very , very happy that I had decided not to check my luggage . While everyone else was stuck at the baggage reclaim desk , I breezed on through to the ticket desk . I was the first to arrive from this cancelled flight , and the poor guy was clueless . He called his superiors , who apparently gave him no information but to tell us to wait there . I was suspicious about the inefficiency . I considered going to the ticket desk outside security , but he promised us some free food vouchers so I thought I 'd see where that went . Person after person came up with the same questions : I don 't need to go to Warsaw , is there a different way to get to my final destination ? Should I get my luggage and from where ? Am I in the right place ? When another man came up to ask about getting to Athens , I told him that it was my destination as well . He has a smart phone and a personal assistant , and while we were waiting was able to ascertain more concrete information . The next way to get to Athens was via Munich and we would arrive around 6 : 00 . They could do this for us straight away at the other ticket desk . Happy I 'd cast my lot in with this guy , we headed out of the security area . Unfortunately , the flight to Munich was full . The next flight was through Frankfurt , and would deposit us in Athens at 21 : 55 . Of course , this isn 't ideal . If it had known I 'd be spending an entire day in the Prague airport , I could have seen a few more this this morning . But like I said , I 'm quite tired . I 'm lucky to be going to Greece at all . A nice relaxing day before I arrive is actually pleasant . I have a new friend , food vouchers , and I 've now experienced my first ever cancelled flight . All in all , not a bad day . Besides , airport or not , I 'm still in Prague . I 'm lucky to be anywhere on this continent , every single day . My friend asked me if I smoked , and although I don 't I was happy to join him . We stopped for a coffee , and I was completely bewildered when he got out a cigarette right then and there . Coming from America , it 's so unexpected to see smoking indoors . I assumed he 'd meant to step outside to smoke , and it took me a few moments to process . It was just a small moment , but one of those funny things that stand out to you when you travel . The only bad thing to come of having to leave security was that , on the way back through , my eye makeup remover was confiscated . There was only a small amount in the bottom of a relatively small bottle , but it goes a long way . It would have lasted me months . I 've flown with that same bottle in much fuller states , gone through the same security with it just earlier that day , and it was quite irritating to see it thrown out now . Fortunately I was meeting a professional makeup artist in Athens , the amazing miss Jolie . I wouldn 't be totally out of luck tonight . We ate lunch using our " refreshment vouchers " and headed to our gate . The flight , of course , was delayed . This time it was not due to weather , but the plane itself was running late . Apparently , due to strong northerly winds , only one runway was usable . Every flight out was delayed . The bad news didn 't end there , for we were headed straight back to Frankfurt to catch out flight to Athens . I think I dozed off through most of the short flight . There was a sense of general panic when we arrived , and I believe that we were the only ones not late for our flight . I hope the delays allowed everyone to get to their planes on time . I had two hours to get to my gate , so let the rest run past me . My friend and I had coffee while we waited , by now for the fourth time . It 's taken a lot of caffeine to get me through this day . As you know , it 's been a long week . Our flight was projected to be 40 minutes late , which turned out to be nearly correct . Unlike American flights , all European flights over two hours serve a meal - and as an American , this excites me . This trip dragged on for much longer . It 's a shame , because I really like to be up in the air . I fell victim to what seems to be a more and more frequent occurrence these days : the man next to me was slightly too large for his seat . His body was as wide as the seat could allow , which meant that his arms at rest at his sides intrude several inches over the narrow armrest and into my space . Normally , being petit means I 'm quite comfortable on planes . I have an extra few inches between my arms at rest and the armrests . But I had nowhere to go to escape from constant an awkward contact , since the lady on my other side was of a perfectly average size and took up an average amount of room . She 'd have to have been quite small for me to borrow any of her space reasonably . The food was decent , but it was an uncomfortable three hours . I tried to prop my left foot up on my purse to keep it a bit elevated . I only need my feet to last two more weeks , and that can 't be too much to ask . There is a sharp pain at the top of my foot , and I 'm not quite sure how to deal with it because I 've never had problem like it before . Even after a restful day like today both my feet are swollen , again an atypical problem for me . I don 't think I 'm doing particularly more walking than my other travels , so I wonder if it 's the constant cold and wetness . I 'm going to buy new shoes if I come across any , because these are falling apart now at the seams . They have several large holes , but apart from being in once piece I don 't expect to find anything that will be much improvement . Again , just two weeks is all I need from them . I wish I could afford new insoles , as well . They usually last a few years , but I 've worn mine out in less than five months . I think I 've just been doing that much more walking than average . When I bought them , I asked how I could tell when it would be time to replace them . I was told it would be like when you knew to replace an old pair of sneakers ( which I admittedly don 't have much experience with ) and they would be wrinkled and cracked . Well , mine fit this description . They 're cracked on several places and I 'm wearing it away in the heel . It 's a bummer to have spent a full day in airports that I could have been exploring Athens or Prague , especially since I had so little time left . However , as difficult as it has been to actually get to Greece ( I could have been 1 / 3 of the way there by train in the amount of time it took today ) I am so incredibly happy with my decision . I 'm going to take a slower pace and enjoy the dry , sunny country . I had wanted to badly to go there , and for so many reasons now I 'm happy it worked out . I arrived after 11 : 00 . All of my troubles for the day would have been made up to me by a new stamp in my passport alone , but that stupid EU foiled me again . This was quickly forgotten though , when I walked out into the night and it was warm and dry . At night . I had forgotten such things were possible . I tried to take the train back but the bus made more sense . Mine was the last stop so there was no way to miss it . The hotel was supposed to be very near the Syntigma Square , practically in it , so I hadn 't planned my route any further . A young Greek man saw me looking bewildered and offered his assistance . His name is Chris . He told me that he has many friends who are traveling at the moment , so he hears a lot about the complications of traveling . He also didn 't want to leave me to wander around at midnight , which was really cool . There is an Electra Palace and and Electra Hotel both within a few blocks of the square . I knew I was in the palace , but I don 't think he knew that the names were different . We went to the wrong one first , but it was a small mistake . I reunited with Jolie a few short minutes later . The hotel ( or should I say palace ? ) is fabulous . She took me up to the rooftop pool for my first view of the acropolis . The angle from here is totally unobstructed and stunning . I felt like I was really in Greece ! I could have gotten here faster from America than I did from Czech , but I did it . It 's amazing how exhausting this can be , as relaxing as it seems to hang out and drink coffees all day . I will sleep well tonight ! I have a guide book to Europe . I borrowed it from my parents . Actually , my mom wrote me a love note in the front cover that i only discovered this week . It was a lovely little surprise . So , the perfect for this kind of trip . It has key information for each country like phrases , currency , and a little history , then a guide to the sights in each major city . I also realized , again , what a good decision it was to go ahead and go to Athens . I had my first real night of sleep in a long time , and I never wanted to wake up . I had been planning to go to the earliest Prague walking tour at 10 : 00 , but when I woke up I realized it was raining . It was raining , I was so tired , and I decided to go back to sleep until the rain passed . The rain never passed and I only slept for another hour . Zuzana and I had been joking yesterday that I might just stay in the apartment all day and rest , since I can , and I actually came very close to that . It 's a good thing there 's no food here so I was forced to leave . Still , I really enjoyed a leisurely morning for a change . I felt only slightly guilty about spending my limited time in Prague in bed . I discovered that during the day , there are several restaurants on the lower levels of my apartment buildings and the ones around it . None served breakfast , so I had Chinese food for brunch and used wifi . My only real plan was to go to the free walking tour , the next of which was at 2 : 00 . Although it was really overcast , the rain had abated . I was hoping for it to stay that way . It met in the old town square . I arrived pretty early and wandered around for a while . I had passed through the night before with Zuzana , but it was nice to see in the daytime . I met two girls who were also going to take the tour , an Australian girl named Cherise and an Egyptian girl named Miriam . We hung around together for most of the tour , but it was one of the friendlier groups I 'd ever been with . I met an American girl who has been living in Istanbul for a semester abroad and a Brazilian mother - daughter duo . The mother had the most fabulous hair I 'd ever seen . The guide was really friendly , too . He is an American guy from Georgia and Florida . He was charismatic and funny , and informative . Like all European cities , Prague has a rather tumultuous path with lots of death and drama . I think this was one of my favorite European walking tours so far , even though the conditions were less than ideal . Yesterday was sunny and at times downright hot . Today was rainy , and usually downright cold . The guide had a few tricks up his sleeve , and kept us mostly under shelter when he was talking to us . Of course , there was no help but to get wet from place to place . My shoes were a goner immediately . Once the damage is done , you get used to it and move on . It only really bothers you in the beginning , and then any time after you 've taken your shoes off and have to put them on still wet . We stopped for lunch and a break at a place that served , among other things , American pancakes . This was tempting , but there wasn 't time for much more than soup and bagels . Thinking that I might only have two meals today , brunch and linner , I had two whole bagels . You never know when you 'll have the chance to eat again . After I asked about Kafka , he showed us a few of the places that he lived and worked along the route . I guess people don 't usually ask about him , but he spent a lot of time in Prague and seemed like he really got around . He lived in many places , had many jobs , and we even saw his synagogue . Mozart also loved Prague , and Prague , Mozart . I got to see the theatre where Don Giovanni premiered and a statue dedicated to him based on the ghost in the final act . They love it so much in Prague that it runs pretty regularly at the opera house . It 's actually on now , but I didn 't have the time to see about getting a ticket . It 's one of my favorites . I 've seen it either three times now or four , I can 't recall . The Jewish quarter was , as usual , one of my favorite parts . I 've always wanted to see the Jewish cemetery in Prague . It was much to small for the Jewish population , but since they were confined to the ghetto they had to improvise . Graves there are stacked up to 12 people atop one another . It 's amazing . In the Jewish museum are some the drawings of the children of the nearby Teresin ghetto , which I have learned about and really wanted to see as well . Unfortunately , the tour ended too late for me to make it back there . After the tour , I went to get coffee with my new friends . They brought other people they 'd met on the tour , and there was quite a good little party of us . People split off one by one , everyone pretty much wanting to spend the rest of the evening in their respective hostels where it was warm and dry . I desperately wanted to do the same , but this was also my last chance to see anything in Prague . When Ben , an Australian guy , told me he was going up to the castle , I decided that I had to come along . We said goodbye to Miriam and Cherise , along with another guy named Scott . They had all said repeatedly that they were going straight back to their hostel , but changed their minds . The five of us were a merry party , after the initial shock of being back in the freezing rain wore off . At first we tried to share the few umbrellas that we had between us , but those of us without soon were so wet that it didn 't make a difference . It was clear right away that we had all made the right decision to go to the castle . Even before we got there , we were discovering the beauty of Prague . We didn 't consult any maps . The castle is on top of a large hill , so we just headed towards the incline . The staircases we found were amazing and the views of the city just really elegant . I think we even forgot about the rain for a while . We made it to the top , but everything had already closed . Still , the architecture was beautiful . I think the weather had scared off everyone else because we were the only ones around . I love that . I love having a place to myself to enjoy , without having to worry about pickpockets or other tourists getting in my photos . We came down the other side . I think we thought that we had discovered the beauty of Prague before , but it was nothing compared to this view . Even the rain was suddenly atmospheric . the soft light filtering through clouds in the early evening made the whole city seem to glow . On the other side of the hill , we weren 't quite sure what to do . I proposed going to the Charles Bridge . I had seen it the night before with Zuzana , but I wanted to see it in the light as well . We took almost the same route as Zuzana and I had the night before . I showed them all where she had shown me all of the swans , which is still delightful . There are wonderful views of the Charles Bridge from that point . As we carried on , we discovered a few things for ourselves . There 's a fountain where two men , Hitler and Stalin , stand on either side of the Czech Republic … Both peeing on it . The best part of this is that it moves . The hips rotate back and forth , and the pensisis ( peni ? ) move up and down as they stream pee onto the country below . We also stumbled upon this alley the boys had heard about during a boat tour . It gets so narrow that only one pedestrian can fit through at a time so there are stop lights to let you know when you can walk through . You could also look with your eyeballs to see if anyone were coming and whether or not you 'd both fit , but that wouldn 't be nearly as fun . The Charles Bridge is perfect at dusk . The entire city of Prague is so picturesque and photogenic . My camera takes decent photos in the half light , but any darker and they would have been all a blur . Across the bridge , we looked back and saw the castle atop the hill . It was lit from below , but there was still just enough light in the sky to discern all the buildings below . Everything was bathed in cool twilight blue . It 's one of the most beautiful sights of the trip . I thought a lot about Before Sunrise today . I know it was actually set and filmed in Vienna , but as I mentioned in an earlier post , Vienna , Budapest , and Prague share the same concept . Perhaps it 's because I just didn 't get the chance to really explore Vienna . I wasn 't thinking about that movie or I honestly would have given myself more time there . Whatever the reason for it , probably all of the unexpected enchanting vignettes within this day , the movie has been on my mind . I 'm loathe to leave the city , but I really need to get out of the rain and get some real rest . My foot started hurting in the strangest way ; it 's the muscles on the top part of my foot . I 've never had that happen to me before and I 'm not quite sure what it is or what to do about it . After the Charles Bridge , the pain became quite sharp . We had a small meal together before we parted ways . Ben had an amazing looking crepe from a street vendor , then Scott and Miriam had pizza while the rest of us had drinks in a cafe . Since they 're going to Hungary from here , I gave them the rest of my florints . It was a nice little bit of change for them , but the denominations were too small for me to get changed anywhere . I don 't mind passing it along to my friends , though . Getting back to the apartment was easy enough , and it does feel so good to be dry and out of the rain . I hope my shoes dry by morning . It will be an early one . I have to get to the airport ! " It 's like we 're literally in prison right now , " and " god , it 's like all they want you to do in here is sleep , " are only two among a string of such astute observations that lulled me into a peaceful slumber on the train last night . I got to hear all about the Krakow nightlife . I missed the marathon of 6 AM nights , since I was waking up two full hours before then . I felt bad for the older lady on one of the bunks who didn 't have earplugs . I would have offered her my extra pair , but they had already been in my ears so that 's pretty gross . Still not sure which would be worse , though … Listening to the drivel of other travelers , or wearing waxy earplugs . These are the people who make my age group look bad . After this , the night was fine . Polish overnight trains are a little sketchy . The sheets were square and could in no way cover the whole bunk , the lights were kinda broken , but these things are all part of the adventure . I slept as well as one can on a train , and felt pretty refreshed upon arriving in Prague . It was 7 : 30 . Now , my accommodation in Prague is a little unusual . A friend of mine from Kansas City , Nick , had heard I was coming to Prague and introduced me via Facebook to his local friend Zuzana . Zuzana and I had been communicating for the past few weeks and I am convinced there is not a kinder person . She found me an apartment to stay in . It belongs to one of her friends , but since he isn 't staying there at the moment he rents it out cheaply . To get the key to the place , I had to go to his boyfriend 's hair studio . This was the easy part , since it 's basically right across the street from the train station . I get there fine , but find out that he doesn 't arrive in until 9 : 00 . At this point I 'm pretty hungry , so I 'm not terribly upset by the idea of finding food and coffee and wifi . I started to walk around , looking for a cafe . for some reason in this part of Prague , none open before 9 : 00 . My bag starts to feel heavy after a while so I cut my losses and head back to the train station . If nothing else , I know it will be good for a Burger King . To my delight , there 's a little place there with all of the things I was looking for . Food , caffeine , wifi . There , I had one of the best omelettes of my life . I was incredibly hungry since last night I 'd only had a twix for dinner , but it was a hot , substantial omelette made with bacon . It really hit the spot . My blog yesterday prompted a lot of support for me going to join Jolie in Athens . Flying was indeed an option I hadn 't really considered . I really had wanted to go to Greece during this trip , it just never really made financial or logistical sense . It still doesnt , but I didn 't take much persuading . I am going to Athens . I am SO excited to see Jolie . I found a relatively reasonable flight , and I leave Prague Friday morning . The only city I 'm really missing is going to be Salzburg . As much as I love The Sound of Music and wanted to see this city that my mom is so in love with , it will have to wait for another trip . It 's now on my long list of good reasons to return someday to Europe . I had been planning on spending a lot of time in Prague and looking forward to spending more than a couple days in one place . Knowing that I only had two full days changed my plans . Kutna Hora , a small town outside of Prague , was high on my list , so I decided that would be how I spent my day . For some reason , an hour on the train feels so much shorter than an hour in the car . Also , something about trains always makes me sleepy . Maybe these two things are related , since I spend a lot of train travel time dozing . The train went to a station outside the city , and then I had to transfer for a short 10 minute ride into the main station . This is what I was told to do when I bought my tickets in Prague . I had it on good authority that this station was closest to all of the sights . It 's quite a small station , but it makes sense because Kutna Hora is a small place . The primary draw for me was the Ossuary , a small Roman Catholic Church decorated with tens of thousands of human skeletons . I asked the one lady working at the train station where this was located , but there was a troublesome language barrier . She tried to tell me to go back to the last train station . I decide to ignore this advice , and I turn around to see another girl about my age looking frustrated . Apparently , she had just been at the last station . They told her to come here , and now she was being told to go back there . I introduced myself , then my new friend Nicky and I decided to join forced . Outside the train station we were in some strange residential block of new , crummy apartment building . An English speaker walking a dog told us that it was a two mile walk to the church but a straigh shot . Hoping he actually meant kilometers but said miles because he could tell we were Americans , we set off in that direction . It was a really bizarre place , but small . It was a pretty quick stop . I can 't remember why they suddenly has such a surplus of dead bodies in this town that they ran out of room in the graveyards . Whatever happened , I 'm glad it did . There were large pyramids made of bones , which were hard to photograph , but everything else was mad of bones too . Chains of bones were hanging from the ceiling . The chandelier was made of skulls and femurs . There was even a crest made of bones . It was wild and so morbid . What possesses people to create something like this ? Other cities with extra humans laying around do normal things , like create catacombs . What happened in Kutna Hora that this was the natural thing to do ? We had a few hours til a train back . We stopped in a cathedral and had lunch . We accidentally killed a little too much time and then missed this train . The next train left in an hour , which was almost as long as it took us to find the train station again . Nicky and I were back in Prague by 7 : 00 and went our separate ways . I was meeting Zuzana in an hour , which wasn 't enough time to drop my bag off at my apartment . I instead had a coffee and a snack . When I 'm really tired , I have to eat a lot more often just to keep my energy up . It took me longer than I expected to get to her , so I was a few minutes late , but this was fine . Zuzana is so sweet and wonderful in real life . She showed me all around Prague . One of the first things we saw was the Charles Bridge , from afar . It looks like something from Beauty and the Beast , enchanted . Later on , we passed over it . It 's actually kind of a small city , and we did a lot of walking . Some parts felt like Before Sunrise , like when we walked past a window and some young teens were practicing piano on the other side . We passed a church that had been turned into a nightclub and took a peek inside . It was so strange . Tourist traffic really drives up the demand for discotheques , which is something I don 't like or understand . You can get drunk and party anywhere in the world , like at home . Why would you waste your precious , limited time abroad on that ? And then waste more time recovering from your hangover the next day ? We saw some pretty squares and the astrological clock . I am really excited to explore again in the morning . There are some free walking tours , which I always love . Time got away from us a bit . We were about to part ways at 11 : 30 , but the metro closes at 12 : 00 and I wasn 't sure if I could make it to the train station , get my luggage , and back to the correct metro line on time . Since I didn 't have a phone , Zuzana came with me as far as the train station . She was impressed by the smallness of my luggage . I 'm proud of it ! It 's a small bag for a month . In the end , I had no problem with time . I found the apartment quite easily . It 's a designer 's , and you can tell . It 's impossibly modern and clean . It 's so nice to be alone , too . I don 't have to worry about other people waking me up at all hours of the night , or where I will leave my things during the day that they 'll be safe . And I so deserve a good night 's sleep . Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments I left my hostel even earlier today and I made my train on time . No toilet drama or anything . I had bought myself a pastry and some juice the night before since I assumed nowhere would be open at 4 AM , which proved to be a good decision . The train was nice and warm and I dozed most of the way . When I woke up , it was raining . I was sad for my shoes . Auschwitz is a 15 minute walk from the train station , so my shoes were completely saturated by the time I even got there . I couldn 't really mind though , being at auschwitz . I was right about beating the crowds . Like I said , they make it really hard to get there at 8 : 00 . I was the only person on that train . I don 't know how the other couple people got there , but we were few . Well , besides the school group . They pulled up in the parking lot at the same time as I walked in , and the people who worked there kept trying to herd me into their group . I kept insisting that I was alone , and finally I broke away . It was pretty surreal to see the gate . It was difficult to walk through it . When people ask me why I want to go to Auschwitz , I think they expect me to have some Jewish heritage . I don 't . Well , maybe I do , Grandma Prouty might have discovered someone in our family history … But that 's uncertain , and certainly not my reason for going . The horrors of the holocaust are part of a legacy that all humans have inherited , not just Germans and Jews . It 's important for each of us to confront that . I feel that Auschwitz was something that I needed to see , if I ever had the opportunity to do so . I want to be a witness for the victims . Eli Wiesel said , " to forget them is to let them die again . " I may not have been alive during WWII , but I have I herited that responsibility . It 's difficult to talk about the emotional aspects of what I saw today . And even being there , it 's hard to grasp the enormity of it all . I am glad that I went early and without a guide . I was completely alone at the execution wall , in the standing cells , walking down halls lined with mug shots of the early prisoners . One man looked so bewildered and mildly surprised in his , he reminded me of my brother David . He always has that look like he 's not really sure what 's going on . That man was murdered in less than a month at the camp . I went for over an hour without seeing another person , and almost two before I started running into tour groups . This I took as my cue to move on to Auschwitz II , Birkenau . This is the Auschwitz that you see when you picture Auschwitz . It is amazingly huge . I was on the first shuttle over to it , so again it was uncroded . This camp was so much larger than the first . This is where you see the three level pallets that slept 15 prisoners . The pond filled with ashes , the field where they burned piles of bodies in open air . Much of it was destroyed by the Nazis near the end of the war in an attempt to destroy the evidence of their deeds . The only time I smiled was when I came across Crematoriam IV . I 'd studied this in one of my many Holocaust classes . There is an excellent movie about it called The Grey Zone . It was destroyed by summerkummandos ( the prisoners forced to take on the job of burning the bodies of other prisoners ; they never held this post for more than six months before they were executed themselves ) in the only successful resistance movement in the history of Auschwitz . It was never restored . I was on the far edge of the camp by this point . The barracks are still surrounded by barbed wire fences , and I was on the outside . A gate in the middle of the fence was open , and a path cut across , so I started across it . I don 't know what gave me the feeling that I was somewhere I wasn 't supposed to be . It had been ages since I 'd seen another person walking around , and the men on tractors mowing the grass didn 't say anything to me . I got all the way to the other side before I realized that there was no outlet , only more barbed wire . I know that Holocaust jokes are always in bad taste , but I thought to myself at that moment : " oh my god , I 'm trapped ! I 'm going to die here ! It 's happening again ! " I was tired , hungry , and cold , but I still hadn 't found Canada . That is the name of the warehouse where the possessions of the prisoners were sorted and pillaged by the nazis . It was called Canada because Canada the country had a reputation for being a wonderful place , like heaven . The Jews who worked there sorting the goods , only women , had a much better quality if life . Not only did they have access to all of the things the other victims had brought with them , but they were better taken care of . If you had a contact in Canada , you were able to get more of the basic necessities like food and shoes . This is where I assumed the collection of shoes would be . You always hear about the mountain of shoes . The warehouse had been destroyed , so when I asked where all the things were , I was told they were back in the first camp . I went back to Auschwitz I . I explained that I had been there this morning , so they kindly let me back in without making me join a tour . I ran into Matt and Corry on my way into the building , while they were on their way out . They didn 't appear to have cried as much as I did . The shoes were moving , but the pile of glasses made me so sad ( the movie Bent to understand why , and for a good film about the fate homosexuals during the war ) . Worst of all was the case of tiny children 's shoes and baby clothes . And that was my Auschwitz experience . It 's not for everyone , but I am so glad I had the chance to be there . It 's hard for me to find adjectives when taking about that place . I don 't want to say I was " excited " about going there , or that I had a " great " time . It was challenging but rewarding . It had been a very long day , and it had finally stopped raining . I was just in time to catch a 2 : 40 train and grab some lunch to take with me . Pierogies , of course . I am so sick of having wet , cold feet . It always lasts for days at a time . It 's such a miserable feeling . On the train , I discovered that my shoes were not only wet but full of mud . I started thinking about these shoes I 've seen in shop in Kansas City . The store is on 39th street and it 's called Retro Vixen . It 's a really cool little place . But they have these shoes , that are basically rainboots in the shape of retro kitten heels . There is almost nothing I wouldn 't give for those shoes right now . I didn 't pack rainboots because I didn 't have room . I have one pair of shoes that I wear every day … And I wish it was those shoes ! http : / / www . retrovixenclothing . com / retrovixenclothing / index . php / shoes / black - fancy - bow - bootie . html And I 'd pay just about anything for them at this point , short of having them overnighted from KC . But seriously … My firstborn child ? I spent hours walking around the mall at the train station . This mall has more shoe stores than I 've ever seen in any mall , but I didn 't see any like this . I didn 't really expect to . I 've never seen them anywhere else . The other reason I was there is because I felt like I just had to keep moving . I was so incredibly tired . Let 's think about the last five nights for me : Saturday , I was up til 5 AM , Sunday I slept ( " slept " ) on a train , yesterday I woke up at 4 : 45 AM , today I woke up at 4 : 10 AM . Tonight I 'm sleeping on a train again . Tomorrow should be interesting . I 've really had a decent amount of energy . I 'm pretty happy with the fact that it 's only now starting to get to me , and only late in the day . But I 'm going to use it to justify why I was wandering around a mall on my last afternoon in Krakow . I was avoiding taking a nap at all costs . That would ruin everything . I feel like if anyone has ever had a chance of falling asleep on a train , it 's me . Tonight . Speaking of which , I have to go catch that train . My plans were dubious for a moment . Fabulous Jolie gave me the practically irresistible offer of joining her in Athens . I was fine with eating the money I 'd put on reservations and such … But then I realized it involves 90 hours of train for me . It breaks my heart , but I 'll have to save Greece for another time . Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments I woke before 5 : 00 . I 'd slept in my clothes ( throwback to my St . Teresa 's Days ) and skipped the makeup . I figured I 'd be crying it off , anyway . So , I was out of bed and on the road in under 5 minutes . I quickly realized that I had underestimated the walk to the train station . A tram pulled up and I hopped on for a few stops til it started going the wrong direction . Still not even close , I ran as much as I could in flats and walked briskly when I couldn 't . I missed it by to minutes . The next train wasn 't til 7 : 14 I fully realize the irony of being upset that I missed my train to Auschwitz . Looking on the bright side , I went to get some breakfast . It 's probably best not to spend a day in Auschwitz on an empty stomach … again , the irony is terrible . I had a chocolate croissant for breakfast . I also tried to hydrate . I grabbed a huge bottle of water from the fridge . Now , I can 't read polish , but I was pretty sure " natura " meant natural , or flat . I should have read the fine print . As it fizzed when I opened it , I realized that the very small word at the bottom of the label said " gazowana , " and I had grabbed the carbonated water . No matter how much I drink of that stuff , I still feel thirsty . I made my way back to the train station really early . I wasn 't going to risk missing my train again . On my way back into the station , I took a side door that was so heavy I almost couldn 't get it open . It slammed shut before I was all the way through it , smashing my foot . I bought my ticket first , just in case the lines got long . Then , I went to the bathroom to clean the blood off my ankle . There was no one there to collect money , so I just went in . Then , suddenly , Madame Peepee shows up behind me yelling in Polish . I try to calmly explain that I don 't want to use her toilets or her towels , I just wanted to pour water over my foot . She kept screaming . I showed her the blood . She grabbed me by the arm ( I haven 't even entered the bathroom ) and shoves me towards the exit . I move toward the trash can ( that is outside ) and she keeps screaming and pushes me . At this point I 'm screaming too . I 'm tired , I 'm cold , and I just want to rinse my wound . I left . I poured water over my foot in the middle of the waiting area . I know it was rude to dump water all over the floor , but I was really upset and didn 't see any other options . No one stopped me . I spent the next 30 minutes contemplating revenge : paying her the 4 pkl and going into a stall , then stuffing all the toilet paper down at once and flooding the bathroom . Pooping on the floor . Of course I didn 't act on it . But as someone who works around so many nasty things , you 'd think she 'd scream a little less . I got onto my train , settled in , and dozed off . Before I knew it , the guy across from me was very kindly waking me up and telling me we were there . I jumped off the train with almost everyone else . I couldn 't believe that the two hour ride had gone so quickly . I must have really been asleep . I glanced at my watch , and realized that it had only been 15 minutes . I read " Krakow Business Park " on the station sign , alarmedly asked the man who had woken me if we were at Auschwitz , and confirmed that indeed we were not as the train pulled away from the platform . This is really my fault , not his . I should have been paying attention . He looked at the timetables with me and told me when the next train to Auschwitz was : in two hours . I assure him that it 's fine . After all , he was doing a kind deed to wake me . But I wonder what business he thought I had in a business park , with my dress and my generally disheveled appearance . Not wanting him to feel badly , I waited til he and everyone else were off the platform . Then , I burst into tears . After I had indulged my emotional frustration for a few moments , my rational brain started working on solutions . Clearly , I couldn 't stand here on the platform for two hours . I was tired , cold , bleeding , now 4 hours late , and stuck with 1 . 5 liters of fizzy water minus what was in my shoe . It was time to take a step back and relax . Fortunately , there was some weird coffee bar cafeteria thing in the first office building . They didn 't have wifi , but they had the second - best tool for problem solving : cappuccinos . After the caffeine started to work its magic and my brain started working fully , it occurred to me that I didn 't have to go to Auschwitz today . It wasn 't even 8 : 00 in the morning yet . I could go back to Krakow , start over and pretend none of this ever happened . Tomorrow , I 'd be sure to make the 5 : 40 train . And that 's exactly what I did . I took a tram back to my hostel , changed out of my Auschwitz clothes ( they specifically mention how you dress on their website , so I 'm saving this outfit for my real visit ) , and put on makeup . This is when most people were waking up , anyway . I could still have my full day in Krakow . So , my new day . I joined the 11 : 00 walking tour of the Jewish district . It was fantastic . Right off the bat , I met a really nice Canadian lady named Irene . We chatted a bit throughout the tour . She was in Warsaw to visit her grandmother , and now is doing a bit of travel around Poland on her own . She told me that , in WWII , her great grandmother hid Jews in her home . What an amazing heritage . The tourguide was named Jakob , and he was really great . I really enjoyed his accent . He was clearly very passionate about this history and his area . He told us that he had written his thesis on the Jewish district . We saw the old synagogues , streets , and several places that were used in the movie Schindler 's list . Later on , we saw the ghetto where these events actually occurred , and Schindler 's real factory . It was a really interesting , full three hours . He knew so much about the history , and about the interesting legends and anecdotes . The tour ended a little late at 2 : 30 in the afternoon . I 'm never one to complain about extra information or extra time . The only trouble is that I wanted I make it back to the main square in time for a bicycle tour at 3 : 00 . On the way to the tram , an Australian bloke named Matt struck up a conversation . He was headed back the same way , to catch the second walking tour at 3 : 30 . Matt is the spitting image of one of my old friends in Kansas City . Right down to the mannerisms . It was a little strange . I decided to do the second walking tour as well , instead of the bikes . The biking tour was put on by a different company , and it covered the Jewish district ( which I 'd just seen ) in addition to the old town and city center . The walking tour was just of the old town and city , so I wouldn 't repeat anything , plus it gave me time for lunch . Matt and I ( a part of me always wants to call him Sean ) looked for the Peirogie place I 'd been to yesterday but didn 't find it . We ended up in a kebab shop instead . It was a quick stop , then back to the tour . Irene had stayed at Schindler 's factory after the last tour to see the museum there , but suddenly appeared with the new tour group . apparently the museum was closed . We were joined by Matt 's friend Corey , who had missed the first tour , and the four of us hung around each other for the next three hours in the old town . Krakow has a pretty interesting history . It 's a much more ancient city than I expected . Our new tour guide was almost as good as the last . It 's hard for me to judge because I 'm much more interested in Jewish history than I am in polish history . however , he did make a Star Wars reference and use the word " bombastic , " so he is alright in my book . John Paul II is a local hero in Poland . Not to mention that 98 % of their population is catholic . I didn 't know anywhere in the world was still 98 % Catholic . There have been statues and photos of him everywhere in the city , including the salt mine , but today we saw the Pope 's Window . This is where he would stay when he visited Krakow , and he would lean out the window to have conversations with people . He is such an amazingly cool guy . I know they 're a little biased here in Poland , but I am learning so much about him and loving it . I liked him before , but even more so now . The church by the pope 's window was doing something funny tonight . A glass car , like a popemobile , showed up right after we did . Apparently , a very famous painting from that church is about to make a tour all throughout Europe . They 're transporting it in a portable shrine in this glass vehicle . I know it 's not the best environment for a delicate painting , and it 's more religious based than art based , but I really like the idea of bringing art to the people like this . I think it 's a great way to share art . In the creative community , there is a constant discussion about the role of galleries and museums . There are lots of community art projects , and I 'm sure everyone is familiar with at least one in their area . But how about loading the Mona Lisa into this thing , you know ? It 's such a bizarre thing , but I like it . The tour ended at the Wawel dragon . My three new friends and I got a recommendation from the guide for a pierogie restaurant and set off to find it . We were starving . The wait was well worth it . Funnily , this place is exactly across the street from where I had been yesterday and couldn 't find at lunch . I liked it better , though . You had the option of having your pierogies browned , instead of just boiled , and you could mix / match different kinds . Everything was excellent . Afterwards , we split a bunch of different sweet pierogies for dessert . It was another excellent decision . Today was a brilliant , beautiful day . Krakow was a little cold and cloudy , but I had a great time exploring it . I am worried about rain . It would be dismal tomorrow , since I 'm planning to spend most of the morning outdoors . I didn 't make it to bed quite as early tonight , but I plan to be out the door much earlier . I 'm going to take any chances with this train tomorrow . It 's a new day , and I 'm doing it my way . If all works out like I hope , then I think that the debacle this morning will have been for the best . I met some wonderful friends . My plan for sleeping didn 't work out quite like I 'd hoped , but the train was a fine experience overall . It was much more comfortable than I had expected . The other girls in my cabin all seemed to be about my age and were really nice . Mine was the top bunk of 3 , with no ladder , so I had to climb up via the other bunks . It was about a foot and a half away from the ceiling , and a person any taller wouldn 't have been able to lie down straight - but it was perfect for me . We arrived in Krakow just before 7 . I found the hostel fine , but did have an embarrassing experience on the tram . First , I missed my stop I thought we were just at a red light when I was supposed to be getting off . The next stop , I couldn 't figure out how to get the doors open . Nobody said a word to me , nobody helped me , and then the tram moved on . I figured it out by the next stop , so I just had to take another one back the way I had come . They 're really nice at this hostel . It comes with free breakfast , and they even allowed me to eat there this morning . It 's really just toast with jams or cream cheeses and coffee or tea , but it 'll do . I decided to go to the salt mine today and auschwitz tomorrow . Aushcwitz is free before 10 : 00 and after 2 : 00 , but it 's actually pretty hard to get there before 10 : 00 . I wouldn 't mind paying , but what you pay for are tour guides . You 're not allowed to go through without one during peak hours . I 've been studying WWII and the Holocaust extensively in university , and tours are generally basic enough I didn 't think I 'd be getting new information . I 'd rather go early , when it 's less crowded , and see things on my own . To do so , I 'll be catching a 5 : 40 train tomorrow . To get to the salt mines today , I took a bus . I wandered around krakow for a bit beforehand , and it seems like a really nice place . It 's very pretty , there is a lot going on , and it 's nice to be out of the really big cities . The bus is the quickest and easiest way to get to Wiekiclzka , so it was pretty crowded . I was standing . I dropped my empty smoothie cup and met another couple travelers who picked it up for me . The two guys are Isaac and Stanley . They 're ariel photographers , so basically they fly planes around fitted to take photos and measurements of the ground . Cartographers and other people then take this data and use it for research . Isaac is an American and Stanley is Polish , but they both live and work primarily out of Chicago . Their work with the polish government brings them here a few times a year . They live in Warsaw , but came down to Krakow for a few days . We went through all the salt mines together . I licked almost all the walls . I don 't understand why only cows and seers get salt licks . It 's so delicious . The mining operation is really impressive . The entire thing is hand cut , there were no natural caves there . Now , its about 327 meters deep . The caves themselves are beautiful and impressive , but the miners took it to the next level . As they hollowed out more and more space , they would turn the caverns into chapels . Their work was dangerous , so they wanted to bring god into the ground with them . The spaces they made are amazing . Almost every one seems to have a chandeleir made of salt crystals . Then , there 's an entire underground cathedral . You can go to mass there at 7 : 30 AM on Sundays , which unfortunately I couldn 't have gotten to on time . The whole thing is carved , again , from the salt . Impressively , it 's all part of the original cave . All of the decorations , the altar , the statues are part of and fixed to the cave . Space was just carved out around them . Is amazing . The only piece of non original salt is the saint on the main altar , who is made of a more pure ( and therefore lighter ) salt stone . Getting out of the salt mines took almost as long as the tour itself , and the three of us were starving by the time we got back to Krakow . I asked Stanley what Polish food was , and he told me pierogies . Well , I love pierogies . I just somewhow hadn 't realized they were polish ! We were determined to have some for lunch , and Stanley said he knew the best place . The place was full , even though it was 3 in the afternoon . Fortunately , we didn 't have to wait long . I don 't think I could have made it . I had a mix of all different kinds of traditional pierogies , and they were all delicious . Isaac and I were still hungry afterwards , so we split a plate of his favorite : apple pierogies . I am such a big fan . I will definitely be going back there this trip , if I can find it . Their friend Magda , who lives in Krakow , met us after lunch . We moved on to get coffee in the main market square . Magda is a really beautiful and funny girl . Since she lives here , she was able to show us around . We walked around the castle . Stanley told us the story of the church in the square : there are two towers of different heights . Apparently , they were built by rivals . The one to build the biggest tower was meant to have some kind of prize . When one man realized he had made a mistake and was going to lose , he stabbed the other … Which is why the tower with the wider base is shorter . Across the square , there is a knife hanging from a building . It 's supposed to be the murder weapon . I left them pretty early . My hostel is nice and seems clean . The roommates are all really nice and we spent a while chatting tonight . There is a French guy and some girls from different parts of Asia . If my strategy for making myself tired yesterday didn 't work out then , it will surely pay off now . I 'm going to be before 9 : 00 . That train to Auschwitz leaves early . Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments Today , I realized it would probably be a good idea to take a shower before getting on an overnight train in a cabin with 5 other people . You 're welcome , strangers . The receptionist was a man today , and therefor had no problem letting me stay as late as I wanted and let me use a towel without putting down a deposit . Score . The three euro breakfast at the restaurant next door is awesome . Hungarian breakfasts are my favorite of all the European breakfasts so far . English breakfasts are heavy , expensive , and the Heinz baked beans kinda ruin it for me . In France and Italy , it 's a pastry , juice , and coffee , which isn 't enough sustenance and is always overpriced . In Germany and Holland , it seems to be a lot of sliced meat and cheese … Which would be fine if it hadn 't been left at room temperature for god knows how long . Hungarian breakfast is coffee , juice , a three egg omelette with paprika , toast and jam . It 's perfect ! And for € 3 or ft900 , I 'm more than happy with it . The guy at the hostel forgot ( " forgot " ) to give me back the deposit I left for my hotel key and kindly brought it to me while I was eating . Other than that , my morning was pretty uneventful . My only real plan for the day was to see Vivien and her boyfriend , Aaron . I had some time to kill before then , so I went to see what time Simplabar opened . They have free wifi and cheap drinks , so I was thinking of stopping there before my train to update the blog . Much to my surprise , it was already open . I wandered around and took some pictures in the daylight . It looks different . I 'm glad to have gone , though . I hung out there with a vodka - orange ( it 's a Saturday morning , that 's acceptable right ? ) and booked my last hostels and trains . I don 't have to worry about making any other arrangements now for the entire rest of my trip . It 's amazing to think about . I can 't believe how fast the time has flown by . I 'm hurtling back towards America now . I 'm going to be there before we all know it . Another BIG thank you to Jolie for being a rockstar . I 'm going to go ahead right now and name her the MVP of my six months in Europe . To reserve seats on the Eurostar with a eurail pass discount , you have to do it in person or via phone . Since I don 't have a phone , and won 't be there in person til the prices have skyrocketed , she called for me . I 'm going to be seeing her on the 8th . Again , it 's crazy crazy that my time here is coming to an end so soon … But I love London , love Jolie , and I am definitely excited to see them both again . The time came around soon enough that I needed to make my way to the Fsherman 's Battalion . I 've actually been there at least once a day since I arrived here . It 's very pretty with great views . The walking tour ended there , the labyrinth is right by it , and today it 's where I met my friends . Vivien is a photographer and was just finishing up a small shoot . She 's incredibly talented . This is her website : http : / / viviennaomi . com / index _ ketto . php I got there a little early and wrote some postcards . A few Asian tourists took pictures of me , which I thought was very strange . It reminded me of being in Istanbul on the Galata tower , when some Japanese tourists asked to take a picture with me . Maybe they 're all mistaking me for some celebrity ? Or maybe this blog is more popular than I thought ! Just kidding . It 's a strange phenomenon . Viven and Aaron both looked beautiful and happy . Vivin had incredibly kindly brought me some toiletries , which was so perfect because I 'm just beginning to run low . They had actually driven up from Kecskamet . They borrowed her dad 's car , and Aaron was behind the wheel . They had plans in a few hours , so we decided to drive to that part of town and walk around there . Since Aaron was neither on the left hand side of the road nor falling asleep at the wheel , this was not even a remotely frightening experience . Unlike Stonehenge . It 's a good thing we left when we did , though . The city is confusing and complicated , and it took us almost all the time they had to find our way across it . Aaron is a brave man for driving here . It 's not Istanbul crazy , but it 's certainly not like being on the road in America . We finally got to the address they had , only to discover that it was incorrectly . They needed to be back on the opposite side of the river ( where we had just come from ) and had about fifteen minutes . This is where we said our goodbyes . I hope they made it on time and had a fabulous night . Apparently they 're going to some kind of couples cooking class , a one night thing where all the couples cook and eat a meal . It sounds like a blast . I started walking back in the direction of my hostel . Nothing in budapest is really that long of a walk , but at almost the first street I came to there was a tram stop for my line . I didn 't have a ticket , and they don 't let you buy tickets on the tram , but I took the risk and hopped on . I think it 's completely ridiculous that you have to buy tickets in advance , and only at metro stations . I mean , how are you supposed to get to the metro station in the first place if you can 't take a tram ? I would have paid for it , I just didn 't have that option . I had McDonald 's again tonight . It 's a time and money thing . Also , Hungarian food can have more than 2000 calories in a single dish … Which makes McDonald 's a pretty healthy option in comparison . This is not the place to be on a diet . It was getting late enough for me to start thinking about heading towards my train station . It 's never a quick process . I have to get back to my hostel , pick up my luggage , take a tram to the metro , the metro to the train station … And I cannot be late for this one . I think my strategy of staying up so late last night will pay off . I maybe should have gone to bed a little earlier and woken up earlier , but I don 't think it was too critical . I had enough energy to get through my day happily , and now with dinner in my belly I 'm starting to feel the sleepy set in . One big glass of wine and I will be out for the night ! Hopefully . Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment |
Laid out on the crude wooden table in front of Miguel were corn tortillas , roasted rabbit , a large bowl of pinto beans , and something unrecognizable made of dried corn . The old man sitting across the table from him seemed as anachronistic as the meal : long , thick , silver hair ; narrow slits for eyes ; leathery skin that seemed more fit on a shrunken head ; a dirty headband ; and a serape . Through the light of the kerosene lanterns and the logs burning in the fireplace , Miguel looked around at the objects hanging from the walls of the cabin : skulls of cattle , rattlesnake skins , coyote hides , a Bowie knife , bunches of dried chiles , ceremonial rattles , and paintings of human sacrifice that looked like they had been copied from Aztec temples . The flickering firelight made the figures seem alive , as if the priests were slicing and stabbing their prisoners over and over . Miguel struggled for something to say . He had seen the old man only a few times in his life and the last of those was twelve years ago , when Miguel was eight . " So , great - grandfather , Dad tells me you 're a sorcerer ? " " And don 't call me great - grandfather . That makes me sound too old . Just call me grandfather . . . or sir . I like sir . " The old man scooped out some corn onto his plate with a wooden spoon . Then he licked the spoon , left it in the bowl of corn , and passed it back to Miguel . Miguel set it to the side while the old man spoke with his mouth full . " You don 't speak Spanish ? " " What 's the matter ? Couldn 't you shoot straight ? You should have used a knife . " The old man picked up a butcher knife lying on the table and jabbed it toward Miguel as if he were sticking it into an unseen enemy 's ribs and twisting it . " It takes more guts to use a knife and get his blood on you . You actually have to get close and touch the son of a bitch . It makes you a warrior . Where did you screw up ? " " That 's the bad thing about guns . You can miss with a gun . You can 't miss with a knife though . Unless you 're a complete idiot , you 'll hit something . No , I can 't say that . Unless you 're an idiot , you 'll hit something . A complete idiot will fall on his own knife . What did this pendejo do to you ? " " Well , it 's hard to talk about . " Miguel paused , holding back some tears and keeping his voice from cracking . " My fiancée , Cristina , knew this guy , Sonny , from high school . I knew him too - at one time - but that 's not important now . She goes - went to Texas A & M , and he 's a real sleaze bag , but she went to buy some grass off him for her and a couple of her girlfriends . She knew he was a piece of shit , but she never expected him to harm her . Well , anyway , when she was at his apartment , he offered her some iced tea he had laced with some kind of date rape drug . Then he called his friends , Paco and Stevie , out of the back room and they gangbanged her and beat her up . She was in the hospital for a long time , a lot of it in the psycho ward . She wouldn 't let anyone touch her . She would just start screaming . She wouldn 't talk to the cops , because the shitheads told her after they had finished with her that they would rape her and her friends until they all died , if the cops ever came around asking questions . After the hospital released her , she told me all about it , and then , a few days later , she killed herself with sleeping pills . " Miguel fought hard to hold back the tears . " Then next night I hid in some bushes outside a strip joint and when Sonny and his buddies came out , I emptied a Beretta at them . They weren 't far off , but I was so nervous I didn 't hit a damn thing . They recognized me and shouted my name . They chased me for a while , but I got away . Dad said I should come down here and stay with you until things cooled down some and I could get a grip on myself . " " Qué pinches cabrones , " muttered the old man . " You are doing the right thing by not weeping like a little girl . Don 't ever cry . Be a man . Be macho . Get revenge . Make those pendejos weep . " " Naw , I didn 't know him . Met him once . At the Saint Louis World 's fair . He autographed that picture on the wall behind me . He killed my uncle before that . Killed him slow . Tied him to a wagon wheel , poured tar on him , and lit it . Geronimo hated Mexicans more than he hated the gringos . " " Get your hands off me , " the old man snapped . " I can still get around . Hell , I still go to the cathouse in Chihuahua at least once a month . Ask the whores . " The old man smiled and turned to look out the window at the moon rising in the night above the silhouetted pines lining the ridges . " There are some plants even better than peyote , if you know how to use them . Maybe I will teach you . " The old man 's smile slowly vanished and he let his head droop toward his chest . He lifted it again with a somber expression . " But first , I must teach you how to kill and not be caught . If I can give nothing else to my only great - grandson in this life , I will give this . With this way , you cannot miss . " The old man walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a couple of limes and then went to the cupboard near the stove , opened it , and pulled out two shot glasses and a clear gallon jug containing some dark twisting object , like a large coil , immersed in an amber fluid . He came back and set the limes and shot glasses next to the saltshaker on the table . When the old man set the jug down , Miguel saw that the coil was a rattlesnake almost two feet long and preserved in tequila . " But tonight , " said the old man smiling for the first time that night , " I shall teach you how to drink . " As the old man poured two shots , he looked into Miguel 's eyes and saw fear mixed with bewilderment . " You are afraid . " " You 're lying more to yourself than to me . This time , I do not mind your lying to me . A man should never let anyone know that he is afraid , but you should never lie to yourself . If you lie to me again , depending on the lie , I may beat you or throw you out of my house . Agreed ? " " Good . Understand there is nothing wrong with being afraid . Fear is the gods ' way of telling us not to do something stupid that will get us killed . But you must master your fear . And before you can master someone else you must master yourself . That is what killing is : mastering someone else . Understand ? " " Good . You did not lie . " The old man sliced up a lime and pushed a few pieces over to Miguel with his knife blade . Together , each rubbed a slice on the back of his hand below the thumb and sprinkled salt on it as the old man continued to talk . " I shall teach you to be a dream warrior and to kill with sorcery . Are you afraid ? " " Good . You should be . Sorcery can kill you as easily as it can kill others . Sorcery demands complete mastery of yourself , because you must master not only your thoughts , but also your dreams . " The old man raised his shot glass in a toast . " Salud . " Each licked some salt from his hand , downed the tequila , and bit a slice of lime . The old man poured another round . " You drink well , " he said . " If you cannot master alcohol , if you cannot drink and not get drunk , you cannot master yourself . " They did another round and the old man poured two more shots . " The final test will be hell . For that you must have mastery over your actions , your thoughts , your dreams , your emotions , and your desires . At that point , you must ask yourself how badly you want to be a sorcerer . To pass the test , you will have to make a great sacrifice that will change you forever . Are you afraid ? " " Everyone dies . That 's part of life , " said Miguel 's mom . " Everything changes . Why , look at yourself . You 've changed . You 're tan and lean and healthy and there 's something else - " " He 's quiet , " said Miguel 's father looking at him and thinking hard . " He 's more contemplative . He thinks more - a lot more than he used to . He thinks things through ⎯ not impulsive like he used to be . He 's more confident too . Those are signs of maturity . " " Great - grandfather taught me a lot . More than anyone will ever know . The mountains taught me a lot too . Life is very different without TV or radio or electricity . You learn what is important . " Miguel paused . " I think I 'll go for a walk . " " Probably . I 'm still thinking a lot about great - grandfather . " This was true , but Miguel knew the task he had to accomplish would take a few hours , and if he told his parents that , they would ask questions he did not want to answer . As Miguel started out of the kitchen , he looked through the glass in the door of one cupboard and saw his dad 's Mezcal with a gusano worm in the bottle . " I don 't understand why anyone would drink anything with a worm in the bottle , " he said to his parents . " The only good stuff contains a rattlesnake . " Miguel went up to his room , picked up a red backpack , and headed out of the house . The night was warm and clear and Miguel could see many of the brightest stars , though the city lights blocked out most . He walked a couple of blocks to the end of the street , where he started upon a short path that led into a park . At the juncture of the path with a broad , paved trail , Miguel looked around . The park was empty and lit only by a single streetlight a short distance away to the left on the edge of a small , empty parking lot . Miguel followed the trail a few feet to the right , where it turned sharply left and led over a low rise into a small wood of mesquite , palmetto , and a few short ash . To his right , a sign stated : " Park curfew 10 : 00 p . m . " and several yards beyond that lay the broad expanse of Oso Bay lit only by the lights of Texas A & M University on the opposite shore about a mile away , and by the lights of the naval air station beyond that . A hundred yards into the woods , Miguel came to a short square post labeled " ASH " to the right of the trail under a short ash tree on the edge of a large open area bordering the bay . Miguel opened his backpack , took out a small flashlight , and turning right into the weeds and tall grass walked several yards off the trail . He had chosen this spot earlier in the day , because it was a good distance from the paths , where the pairs of lovers of all sexual orientations normally strolled or made out . Also , it almost always had a breeze , which he felt to be important not only to his state of mind for the ritual , but because one of the Nahuatl gods he would be praying to was Tezcatlipoca , the god of the night and of the wind . Miguel turned off the flashlight , took a seat among the glasswort in the edge of the mudflat bordering the bay , and opened his backpack . He felt around inside it . He felt the obsidian mirror and then found the maguey thorn he would need . He also took out a bag of ololiuqui seeds , a gourd of pulque liquor , some resin known as copal , a few sheets of paper , and a cigaretMiguel finished the ritual about four hours later . He looked at the cuts he had inflicted on his forearms with the maguey thorns and wondered how he would explain them to his mother . Long sleeves could cover them for the next few days while he searched for an apartment . After he got a job and moved out , the wounds would cease to be a problem . He wouldn 't need to do the ritual much longer anyway - just until Sonny and his friends were dead . Miguel rose and started to walk back to his home . The interesting part of the murder would begin after he went to bed , he thought , but he was so excited about it , yet nervous at the same time , he didn 't know how long it would be before he could fall asleep . He would have to use the tricks for falling asleep his great - grandfather had taught him . He wouldn 't be able to use sleeping pills . " No gringo medicines , " his grandfather had said , " only the roots and herbs I have shown to you ; anything else will only interfere . " Miguel missed his great - grandfather . It had taken a long time to get used to his personal habits and even longer to understand where he was coming from , but with time he had come not only to respect the old man , but to love him as well . Ironically , Miguel had had to overcome that love in order to pass his final test and earn the respect of the old man . When Miguel arrived home the lights were out . He decided to enter through the kitchen so as not to awaken his parents . He opened the back door and started across the linoleum floor , when a shadowy figure sitting at the kitchen table moved and startled him . " Relax , " said the shadow . " Have a seat and talk for a minute . " It was Miguel 's father . He switched on the lamp above the table . Miguel 's father was in his undershirt and pajama bottoms . He had three empty cans of Tecate in front of him along with a saltshaker and slices of lime . As Miguel took a seat his father reached into the refrigerator behind him and pulled out two more cans . He pushed one over to Miguel and together they added salt and lime and took a drink . " Son , " said his father , " I am guessing your great - grandfather Guadalupe taught you some of his magic . " Miguel 's dad let out a deep breath as he thought for a moment . " Grandfather taught it to my dad , but something in it terrified him and he quit before he learned everything , and he never taught it to me . He talked about it very little . All I know about it is that anyone who knows it can kill with impunity . That is a tremendous responsibility , because , if you want to , you can kill on a whim and no one other than another Nahuatl sorcerer can do anything about it . To be honest , I am afraid the temptation might be too much for you , son . I don 't want to see you turn into an evil man - a monster . " " Don 't worry . I won 't , dad . Grandfather hammered self - control into me constantly and a big part of the reason he did so was to prevent that . In his way , I think he loved me and he tried to teach me everything he could to help me live a good , long , happy life . " " Sometimes . It 's not because of the hurt I 'll inflict on them though . It 's because of the suffering their parents and relatives will go through because of their deaths . They 're not guilty of any crime , but they 're going to hurt . " " He was killed by a man named Benny in an argument over a poker game . The police caught Benny that night and locked him up . I suspect your great - grandfather killed him , because the next night Benny was sleeping in his cell when he suddenly screamed and died . The coroner never could find a reason why he died . " Miguel 's dad took a long drink of beer . He let out a sigh as he set the can down . " I never thought I would see the day when it would come to this between you and Sonny . You two have known each other since second grade . You used to play cops and robbers with him in our back yard . What happened ? Where did you two part ways ? " " I was always glad you didn 't . You were starting to become wild yourself . Your mother and I used to lay awake at nights wondering if we were going to get a call from the police or the hospital . But then you changed . We were never so happy as when you stopped hanging out with Sonny and his crowd . " " Yeah . I do . I feel the same way about your mom . If what happened to Cristina happened to her , I don 't know what I would do . I can 't pay a visit to my grandfather . " Miguel 's dad took a long swig of beer . " Didn 't Sonny know Cristina was your girlfriend ? " " I have no idea . He 's become really twisted in the last few years since he 's been dealing drugs . It must be the drugs he has been using . They can screw someone up fast . " " Yeah , they were a couple of years behind me and Sonny in high school . But I didn 't really get to know them until a few years ago . We used to visit them at their homes , got to know their families . All that stuff . " Miguel 's father nodded and said , " Well , I guess I 'll go to bed . Good night . " He downed the last of his beer , rose , and went upstairs . Miguel sat thinking about what his dad had said . When he finished his beer , he went upstairs to bed . Once Miguel was in bed , it took about half an hour of using his grandfather 's techniques of emptying his mind and relaxing his body until he fell asleep . Tonight he would go after Stevie as his spirit animal , a jaguar . He was not certain what Stevie 's spirit animal would be , but guessed it would be like Stevie : lean and muscular , opportunistic , clever , a scavenger of sorts , with sandy , shaggy , short hair . In Miguel 's dream , he was a jaguar running through the grasslands on Padre Island . Suddenly he emerged onto the two - lane highway and stopped . The terrain was flat , broken only by the cattails surrounding a marsh or an occasional grass - covered dune . There was no traffic on the highway . In the distance to the left the jaguar saw a coyote bolting down the remains of a deer that had been killed by a car . The coyote was facing away and upwind . He could neither see nor smell the jaguar . The jaguar sprinted forward silently on his padded feet all the while thinking that he wanted the coyote to die slowly . When the jaguar was less than a yard from him , the coyote turned his head and saw him , but it was too late . The jaguar hit him at full speed catching the coyote 's right rear leg in his jaws and crushing it . The coyote yelped as the pair tumbled together past the deer . The coyote tried to bite , but the jaguar was faster and batted his muzzle away , his claws raking down the side of the coyote 's face , tearing out an eye and leaving huge gashes from his ears to the tip of his nose . The jaguar jumped back from the coyote and watched . The coyote ran as best he could on three legs down the highway , yelping and whimpering . When the coyote was about a hundred feet away , the jaguar rose and sprinted . Again , the coyote turned his face just in time to see the jaguar clamp his jaws around the remaining rear leg and crush it as the pair once again tumbled down the asphalt . Again the jaguar jumped back and sat and watched as the coyote dragged himself away whimpering and yelping . In a few minutes , the jaguar charged again and crushed the right front leg . The coyote lay on the asphalt and tried to drag himself with the remaining leg , but could not stand . The jaguar walked over and stared into the terrified coyote 's eyes . The jaguar then slowly lowered his jaws and crushed the fourth leg . The jaguar looked up into the sky . The sun was directly overhead . " Now , " he said to the coyote , " I shall let you lay there and , when the sun touches the western horizon , I shall kill you . Now you understand what it is to be helpless and at the mercy of an attacker . Now you understand rape . " At that moment , Stevie awoke screaming in his bed , frightening his girlfriend , Anita , who was sleeping by his side . She tried to hold his arm and tell him it was only a nightmare , but he screamed again , thinking her hand was the jaguar 's mouth closing on one of his limbs . He backhanded her , knocking her off the bed and onto the floor as he jumped out of bed to cower in a corner of the room . A few days later , Miguel was standing in line at the movies when someone behind him tapped him on the shoulder . He turned and saw it was Tim , an old friend from high school that he had not seen in years . As they caught up with each other 's lives ( Miguel glossing over the years he spent with his great - grandfather ) and news about their old classmates , Tim asked , " Say , man , did you hear about Stevie ? It 's all over the news tonight . " " They found him dead out on the island . The news is only saying his death was gang related , but I got a cousin who was the first cop on the scene , and he said all Stevie 's arms and legs had been broken and his skull was crushed , like with a vise . They found him along the road and figure he had been laying there since yesterday about sunset . " " Yeah , some guys he had done time with . They found one of their driver 's licenses at the scene . When they arrested him , he gave them all up . It was all about some drug shit . " " What a shame . I thought the three of them would end up in the same grave or cell or something . Oh , well . All I can say is that it couldn 't have happened to a nicer guy . " As Miguel sat watching the movie , he felt a wave of satisfaction and he smiled as he thought about how beautifully the spell had worked . All Miguel had to do was to kill Stevie in the dream , and the gods would kill him in a similar fashion in the real world . Just what is the real world ? thought Miguel . If I kill a man in his dreams , and he dies in this world , isn 't that just as real as if I killed him in this world and his dreams die ? Miguel took a bite of his popcorn and thought , next time I 'll try something different . A few nights later Paco lay sleeping in his bed with his girlfriend Trish , when , in his dreams , Paco saw them lying together in bed just as they had fallen asleep . Paco believed he was awake and could not understand why he could not get to sleep . He lay there for several minutes trying to fall asleep , but could not . Then Trish rolled over to lay her head on Paco 's shoulder . Paco brushed her blonde hair back from her face and saw the black eye he had given her the day before , when she had come home from the supermarket with the cheap beer he hated instead of the expensive beer he loved . Trish opened her eyes and stared at him with a smile . " Oh ! Oh ! I know what you want ! Yes ! " Paco grinned , placed his palm against the back of her head , and pressed her face toward his groin . " Oh , okay . Tonight we do it this way . But in the morning we do it the way I want . " Paco lay on top of her , his weight pressing her small frame into the mattress , and wrapped his arms around her , pulling her tighter and tighter to his chest as he pressed his face against hers and , closing his eyes , forced his tongue into her mouth . As they kissed , Paco noticed Trish 's tongue became huge and her teeth became long and pointed . He opened his eyes to find he was kissing a jaguar . The jaguar growled and hissed and raked his claws down Paco 's back and across his cheeks . Paco yelled and tried to push himself away , but the jaguar gripped tightly and refused to let him go . Paco reached up and gripped the jaguar 's throat with both hands strangling it as he tried to pound its head into the mattress . The jaguar clawed furiously . Paco pushed back hard , but the claws were too much to endure . He released the jaguar 's throat , rolled across the bed , and fell onto the floor , bumping his head against his nightstand as he fell . He jerked open the nightstand 's top drawer and grabbed his Glock . He stood , but as he pulled the trigger to fire the first round , the jaguar disappeared . Paco , in a panic , continued firing until he had emptied the magazine . He awoke and found he was standing beside the bed , his Glock in hand , the smell of gunpowder in the air , and Trish 's bloody corpse lying on her side of the bed . " Yeah . I saw something about him on the news . He murdered his girlfriend , didn 't he ? Did your cousin manage to be first on the scene again ? " " No , but he was in , like , the second or third car there . A neighbor reported shooting at Paco 's place and the police had half a dozen squad cars there in no time . They found Paco sitting on his porch swing in nothing but his shorts and just staring off into space still holding the pistol . My cousin said he was muttering something about a big cat and that his back and face looked like they had been clawed to pieces . Anyway , they could see the gun was empty because the slide was back and so they took it from him and hauled him off . Inside his house , they found he had emptied the magazine into his girlfriend . They figure he tried to rape her and she put up a fight , because they found his skin under her fingernails . There was blood everywhere . " " That 's what the cops found . The garage was one big meth lab . With Paco dead and Stevie dead , I wonder how long it will be before Sonny is dead . " Miguel and Tim drank for a while at the Culebra until closing time and then parted , Tim walking south along Chaparral Street and Miguel walking north . As Miguel approached Darla 's Bar along a dark section of street , he saw a large , muscular man with a thick neck and stooped shoulders lumber out , staggering a little with his head down , and coming toward Miguel . Miguel kept walking ahead thinking that , considering how much he had changed and with his face toward the ground , Sonny would not recognize him , if he could recognize anyone , considering how drunk he appeared . Miguel found he could not keep himself from staring at Sonny as he drew closer . He felt a combination of morbid curiosity , intense hatred , and unspeakable contempt kept his eyes focused on Sonny . He wanted to look away , but could not . When Miguel 's feet appeared within Sonny 's field of vision , Sonny snapped his head up at Miguel and shouted , " What the fuck are you looking at ? " Miguel remained silent and continued to walk on , but could not tear his eyes from Sonny . Sonny suddenly lunged at Miguel , gripped his throat with both hands , and pinned him against the wall of a parking garage in the darkness where a small tree blocked off the sickly glow from the nearest streetlight . Miguel grasped Sonny 's wrists and tried to break his grip , but Sonny was too strong and his thick forearms felt like wire cables . Sonny moved his face so close to Miguel 's , that Miguel could see the capillaries in Sonny 's eyes and he could smell the beer and jalapeños on his breath and the sweat on his face and hands . " I asked you , what th ' fuck are you looking at ? " Sonny 's meaty hands were beginning to crush Miguel 's throat and Miguel 's breathing was becoming more labored and raspy and shallow . Miguel tried to answer , but his words came out only as a series of gurgles . Miguel slipped his right hand into his front pocket . He found his ballpoint pen and pushed its cap off with his thumb . He pulled it out and held it in his fist with its point toward Sonny 's heart . Miguel moved the pen forward as far as he could in his fist so that he could plunge it as deeply as possible into Sonny 's solar plexus . If he angled the pen just right , he figured he might be able to stick it at least partially into Sonny 's heart . A puzzled look came across Sonny 's face , and he asked , " Hey , don 't I know you ? " Just then someone down the street broke out into loud laughter and Sonny jerked his face toward the sound . Miguel glanced as far as he could toward the laughter as well and just beyond the laughing man he saw a police car slowly cruising in their direction . Its lights were not flashing and so the officers inside had not yet seen Sonny choking Miguel . Either Sonny had seen it clearly enough or something else entered his drunken mind so he decided to let go of Miguel . He put his hands into his pocket , and walked away from the approaching cruiser with his head down . Miguel leaned against the wall and tried to catch his breath . He knew Sonny 's grip would leave bruises around his neck . He rubbed the areas Sonny 's hands had gripped , and tried to work out the remaining pain and stiffness . " Yeah , you know me , you son of a bitch . I was best man at your wedding . It will be interesting to meet your spirit animal . " As he was able to breathe again , Miguel knew he would have to be more careful in his dream battles . That was the danger in dreams , his grandfather had taught him , not only could you kill them in their dreams , they could also kill you . Now he had experienced that for the first time . Paco had gripped Miguel 's throat in last night 's dream and now Sonny had gripped it in this world . A few nights later , while entering Sonny 's dream , Miguel felt as if he were entering a kaleidoscope made of fragments of neon , black lights , strobe lights , raging fires , and shards of warped and blurred memories of childhood abuse , fistfights , blood , hatred , fear , terror , shock , and a hundred petty crimes . Sonny 's mind was a constantly spinning jumble of nightmares . Miguel assumed his jaguar form and cautiously stayed in the background of each scene , searching for Sonny 's spirit animal . As of yet , he had not seen Sonny in the dream . He had seen only Sonny 's subconscious . The scenes were so fragmented and changed so rapidly that even though Miguel recognized himself in many , he did not have the time to pinpoint the events . Then the nightmares gradually became fewer and did not change as rapidly . The roulette wheel of Sonny 's mind was slowing . Miguel began to recognize bits and pieces . Miguel saw the day they first met in second grade . He saw the nights during grade school when he stayed over at Sonny 's home and Sonny would sneak cigarettes after his parents had gone to bed . He glimpsed the day Sonny and he tried out for high school football . He relived the evening Sonny cried on Miguel 's shoulder when his first girlfriend broke his heart and when Sonny called him to say he had been arrested for stealing a car . He saw himself and Sonny rolling bums for change and selling dope . There was Sonny dating Julie and then there was Sonny cheating on Julie and hiding Polaroids in his garage . He saw the first time they sold a kilo of pot and then a kilo of cocaine . Miguel relived Sonny 's wedding with Julie , when there were only a justice of the peace and two witnesses : Miguel and Julie 's sister . Sonny continued to cheat on Julie and to hide photos in his garage . Then came a series of increasingly vicious crimes , fear of being caught , anger once caught , more fear in front of the judge , terror and more anger in jail , and frustration at no one hiring him once out . Julie became involved in the drug dealing and fencing stolen property and all the time Sonny cheated on her and hid more photos . He also hid money from her as well as love letters to other women in a toolbox in the toolshed . Miguel saw the day he had told Sonny he was going straight to keep Cristina . He saw Sonny becoming increasingly violent and beating or knifing people who cheated him . His crimes grew in intensity and viciousness until , finally , the rape . Miguel hid his eyes and tried to shut out the sounds of the rape , but it did no good . He wept on the outside while raging inside . He sickened and felt his own hatred and anger would rip him apart . Then the rape was over . It was night and Stevie and Paco were carrying Cristina out to Stevie 's car while Sonny stood in his doorway and said , " Dump her on Leopard Street with the other whores . I 'll teach Miguel to tell me to fuck off . I 'll be doing the fucking and I 'll fuck anyone I want . " That was the reason . The week before the rape Sonny had asked Miguel to come along as added back up when he was going to buy a kilo of cocaine from a guy downtown . He wanted Miguel to take a rifle and to hide in some bushes near the meeting spot . Miguel told him no , that he had given up that life because he didn 't want to do anything that would cause Cristina to leave him . Sonny insisted again and again and Miguel had refused each time until he became fed up and had told Sonny to fuck off . Sonny only stared at Miguel in reply , turned his back , and walked off . Miguel knew that was when to fear Sonny most . When he was about to avenge himself , he never threatened anyone , so that no one could ever testify that he had made a threat and so that no one could prepare for what was about to happen . Sonny simply let his actions speak for him and that would be the threat for the next poor bastard . But Miguel never expected Sonny to take out his anger on someone uninvolved . He thought he had known Sonny , but he was wrong . Sonny had become more evil than Miguel had ever suspected . Each scene became progressively darker as Sonny aged . Soon Miguel found himself in complete darkness . But with his jaguar eyes , darkness did not prevent Miguel from seeing what was there to see . Then he heard crackling and popping from the ground to his left . He looked over and saw that a large section of the surface on which he was walking had dropped away and formed a high cliff . At the base of the cliff flames sprung up from what appeared to be a lava bed . Sonny 's dreams had shifted from fragmented memories to the current state of his soul . Miguel heard something shuffling across the ground behind him . He turned and saw a pair of eyes sparkling with the reflections of the firelight coming from the pit . They stood a few feet off the ground at the top of a hazy , monstrous silhouette . Whatever Sonny 's spirit animal was , it was big and stood on its hind legs . The creature shuffled forward quickly and his eyes moved up and down , back and forth , right and left . Miguel recognized the outline of a charging gorilla and crouched , hissing and snarling . The gorilla swung at Miguel with his open palm , but Miguel was faster and ducked under the blow and sprang behind Sonny . Sonny spun with his open hand extended , trying to backhand Miguel , but Miguel ducked again and once more sprang behind Sonny . This time however , he saw his opportunity and leapt upon Sonny 's shoulders , digging his in claws to hold on as Sonny flailed and twisted trying to grab him . Miguel then opened his jaws and clamped his teeth into Sonny 's skull , trying to crush it as jaguars normally kill their prey , but Sonny 's skull was too big and Miguel could not fit it into his mouth as he wanted . He chomped down and Sonny howled , but did not die ; he only flailed and spun more furiously . Suddenly , Miguel felt Sonny 's thick paw grasp his tail and yank . Miguel let go of the shoulders to prevent his tail from being torn out and was flung toward the edge of the pit . Miguel hit the cliff 's edge , but twisted around and grasped onto the upper surface with his front claws just as his body fell over the edge . He pulled himself up and over as Sonny charged again . Miguel tried to spring behind Sonny once again , but Sonny anticipated the move and backhanded Miguel in the ribs and sent him flying out of control into the darkness . Miguel lay on his side with several broken ribs , snarling at Sonny . Then he rose and dodged to the left as Sonny charged again trying to grasp him in a bear hug . Miguel crouched as Sonny turned again . But as Sonny charged once more , Miguel realized he would not win this fight and vanished . Miguel entered the dreams of Julie . In her nightmare , she woke in her brass bed and could feel Sonny 's weight in the bed beside her . When she turned onto her side to put her back against Sonny 's , a jaguar sat by the side of her bed staring at her . Miguel led her first to the high shelf in the garage , where Sonny kept his shoebox of Polaroids of sex with hookers and with some of Julie 's friends . He then took her to the toolbox in the toolshed , where Sonny stashed thousands in cash from drug deals he had not told her about and also where he stashed jewelry intended as gifts for girlfriends , inscribed with their names . Inside the box , was also a love letter to a woman named Natalie , in which he promised undying love and to get a divorce , as soon as " the stupid bitch cheats and gives me a good court case " . Inside was also a silver necklace with the name " CRISTINA " , which Sonny had taken as a souvenir . Julie had heard rumors Sonny had been involved in the rape , but had not believed it until now . The jaguar then led Julie back into the garage and sat between a long rope and a five - gallon can of gasoline . The jaguar spoke . " Look at the scars he has given you , Julie . Every time you glance at another man you take a beating . He is not worthy of the love and sacrifice you have given him . But if you leave him , he gets what he wants and he is free to terrorize more women . Do what you have to . Have the strength . Do not fear . Put aside all thoughts of anything or anyone else and do what you have to do . " Julie awoke from her dream sweating . She looked at Sonny laying spread eagle on the bed , one arm over her head and one leg across hers . She carefully lifted Sonny 's leg , swung her feet onto the floor , and placed the leg gently upon the mattress . She crept into the garage and found the shoebox of Polaroids . She went to the toolshed and found the toolbox with the cash , jewelry , necklace , and letter . She then went back to the garage and found the rope and gasoline . In a few minutes , Sonny tried to roll over in his sleep , but found he could not move . He awoke and discovered he was tied hand and foot with rope to the brass bed . Julie stood above him holding a can of gasoline . Before he could ask what she was doing , Julie began pouring the gasoline upon Sonny 's face and chest . He squeezed his eyes shut tightly , but gasoline had already gotten in and he screamed . Gasoline flowed into his mouth and he choked . The minute it took Julie to pour the gasoline seemed to last forever , but it was not long enough , when Sonny felt the bed go up in flames . When Miguel awoke the following morning . He did not know what to feel . He had accomplished the task he had set for himself , but he knew he would pay a price for it . He also thought about Sonny and how things change . When they were kids playing in a sandbox , Miguel would never have thought about burning Sonny alive . Miguel thought about those days , and missed the Sonny he knew then . Then he realized the Sonny he knew then had faded out of existence long ago , and the new Sonny was a Sonny the world was better off without . Miguel thought about this the rest of the day , and he thought about it deeply as he sat in a downtown bar at happy hour watching the six o ' clock news report Julie 's arrest and how her lawyer was already preparing an insanity defense . Miguel became so lost in thought about it as he crossed the street to the next bar , that he did not see the speeding pick - up coming toward him . Miguel was stunned . His initial reaction was to ask why , but the old man had taught him that to question the judgment of someone is a sign of disrespect . He knew the old man must have contemplated his death for some time and that the decision to die must have been well thought out . He did not want to see the old man go , but to protest would have been futile , because he knew the old man took great pride in keeping his word . If he said he would do something , he did it . For that reason , he rarely promised even trivial things . Miguel flicked the ashes from his cigar and said , his voice cracking slightly , " I will do it . " " Tomorrow night . After the tequila has left our bodies . " The old man flicked the ashes from his cigar and spit on a scorpion he saw crawling across the porch . " This will be a hard task for you . It would be a hard task for anyone . I am proud that you accept it . " " I am over a hundred and twenty years old . I love this world more than I have ever loved anything else : women , rifles , knives , whores , cantinas , even horses . But I want desperately to see the next . I want to be with my ancestors and the friends I have not seen in decades . I want to be with two of my wives again . The third can keep rotting in hell . Now that I have passed on my knowledge to a man I can respect , I can go to the next world in peace . " Throughout the rest of the evening , Miguel thought constantly and deeply about his grandfather 's chosen means of death . But he controlled his emotions tightly and did nothing that he did not do every other evening he had lived with his great - grandfather . That night , he visited the old man in his dreams , taking along a bottle of tequila with a rattlesnake coiled inside . He went to the side of his grandfather 's bed , where he slept with the covers pulled over his head because of the cold night , and said , " Wake up , old man . We are not finished saying farewell . " The covers moved and his great - grandfather rose , but not as an old man . When he stood , he was a young man of twenty . They talked long that night as any two young men do about the things young men enjoy : women , guns , liquor , tobacco , and the accomplishments of which they were most proud . Miguel also spoke of the things he had decided he would accomplish in this life , and his great - grandfather gave him the benefit of his years and advised him on how to achieve his goals . In their shared dream , they fell asleep together with Miguel 's head on his great - grandfather 's chest . They went about their usual chores quietly the next day , each thinking about the night to come and each speaking very little , each striving for control over his emotions . When evening came and they had finished supper , they went out to the porch , where they once again smoked while listening to the coyotes and talked about the stars . When the moon rose above the trees , the old man rose and went to bed . Miguel stayed on the porch until he heard snoring . He went into the cabin and gathered the maguey thorn , ololiuqui seeds , pulque liquor , copal , paper , and a cigarette lighter , and went out to a point several yards from the cabin , where he began the ceremony . When he was finished , he went to bed , and fell asleep thinking that would be the last time he would ever hear the old man snore . In Miguel 's dream , he was an Aztec priest in full ceremonial regalia standing atop the Great Temple in Tenochtitlán long before Cortez set foot on Aztec soil . A few puffy , white clouds skirted the horizon and a gentle breeze blew feeling good as it cooled the sweat on Miguel 's skin . At the base of the temple , thousands gathered and gazed up at Miguel . Then a young man in a loincloth came out of the crowd and slowly , solemnly climbed the steps to the top . When he arrived , Miguel could see it was the young form of his great - grandfather . He looked Miguel in the eyes and said , " thank you . " He then proceeded over to the altar , where he lay down spread eagle . Miguel tied down his wrists and ankles and from underneath the altar picked up an obsidian knife . He chanted a ceremonial prayer to the Aztec gods , and then , turning , looked down at his grandfather 's eyes and for a moment thought that he could end this now and wake up . He then thought about how that would disappoint his great - grandfather . But he put those thoughts out of his mind . He knew what the old man would advise in this case : to put aside all thoughts of anything or anyone else and do what you have to do . Miguel then touched the knife to his great - grandfather 's skin just below the ribs to the side of the solar plexus , made a quick and deep incision while the man squirmed , reached up inside the chest , tore out his heart , and flung it into the sun . AnonymousOctober 9 , 2015 at 1 : 24 PMquite literally a rite of passage , mystical and with an interesting payoff , one which Miguel may have to reckon with in time . some very good writing and characterisation . well doneMike McCReplyDeleteAnonymousOctober 9 , 2015 at 6 : 21 PMI agree with Mike , this is a rite of passage , complex and rich with significance . The cultural invocations are vivid and intense , the work of a writer in his / her full stride . The future for Miguel , who knows ? The readers interest is fully engaged with what is to come . . . . . Thank you , CeinwenReplyDeleteDawn Portz PaulOctober 11 , 2015 at 3 : 29 AMReally enjoyed the story - kept me up past my bedtime reading it ! ReplyDeleteBrooke FieldhouseOctober 12 , 2015 at 6 : 26 PMI loved the concept , was fascinated by the almost hallucinatory detail of legend with its fatal shadowlands . B r o o k eReplyDeleteMagpie87December 14 , 2015 at 3 : 18 PMInteresting idea . I think you could have developed how it felt to take someone 's life in the dreamworld and reality a little bit more , and the consequences for Miguel 's conscience . ReplyDeleteAdd commentLoad more . . . |
A new blog is coming . I 'm thinking of calling it " No Empty Nest . " There is a lot to tell you but here is the summary of the last few months . Life with my mother is good . Particularly now that we are out of her hair and she has hours alone every day . She is doing more housework . She doesn 't like doing dishes or vacuuming in front of us since she moves so slowly . She seems to feel good about being able to be helpful , and I certainly do appreciate the help . The real news is my father . Where to start ? So you all remember he got married right ? His wife left late last spring to visit her parents in China . Dad started getting a bit weird about it . He doesn 't talk much on the phone , but well , let 's just say I had decided that he must have started drinking again . He apparently thought that Mom moving in with me was such a good idea that he emailed Sis , who is getting divorced ( more on that too ) and said that she should find an apartment they could share in Minnesota . Sis decided that was a good idea , found a place and she , my nephew and my father moved in . Within a week Sis realized that Dad was suffering from some form of dementia . It seems that Dad was aware that he was having more trouble managing his life . Moving in with Sis just seemed to him to be the obvious solution . Particularly since his marriage was in trouble . That is another story I will have to come back to . Anyway , Dad left California with one small suitcase of clothes and his wallet . We learned from the tenant who rents the apartment at the back of the house , that the place was left in shambles . He ( the tenant ) has cleaned the place up and put all the paper work he can find on the table . There is a court date for the divorce in just over a week , and I am flying to California this weekend to go through the previously mentioned paperwork , possibly meet with the divorce lawyer , and maybe take statements from people . Sis is making a list . Before Mom moved in I told a colleague that I was sure that having Mom here would be difficult in ways I didn 't expect . It is . Mostly it is easier than I even hoped . Mom clearly came deciding that she was just going to adjust to the way we do things . We don 't keep the house as tidy as she would , she doesn 't complain . She doesn 't make veiled comments about my weight like I feared she would . ( In the past it wasn 't that she said mean things . It was more that she always noticed and complimented me if I lost any weight . She said mean things about OTHER people 's weight problems . That combined made me feel bad . ) Anyway , mostly living with her is good . The hard part turns out to be money . She is indirectly far more expensive than I expected . Her direct expenses are of course minimal . Her impact on the grocery bill is nearly nil . She pays all of her own personal expenses . We even use her car , which she maintains , insures , and supplies with gas , whenever we have to take her anywhere . So how is she expensive ? My mother has always been very frugal , which has also meant that if there was something important she needed , she had the money for it . She expects me to be able to do the same . So , for instance , the bathroom . Mom needed it to be renovated . I told her that I needed her to pay for it . Because of the inconvenient window , we hired someone who would do a custom tile job . No way would any pre - fab unit fit . They guy came , we think very highly of him . It was his idea to move the toilet . That would cost an extra $ 300 , but it was such a good idea . In retrospect I suppose I should have said , " great , now install a pre - fab shower / tub and your great idea will mean that we will pay you less . " The truth is that I didn 't even consider it . The extra $ 300 was in Mom 's budget , just barely , but still under . Then I realized that the shower faucet set up that the contractor was going to use would be great for just us , but for an extra $ 50 I could get the ADA compliant one that would be SO much easier for her to use . I 'd have to pay the extra , but how could I not ? THEN I realized that moving the toilet and tub meant that there would be three small holes in the floor where the tub plumbing used to be . I debated what to do . I could leave it , I suppose . So there are holes in the floor . The obvious answer is to pay a very reasonable amount of money to have the floor tiled to match the tub surround . I considered not repainting the kitchen which I had been planning on doing since before Mom said she was moving , but my father sent me money for my birthday and there was enough to cover it . When it was done Mom said that I really should put up knobs and pulls . I asked if she needed them and that if she did , I would split the expense with her . She said she didn 't really need them , but that my nice painting job was going to get messed up if I didn 't add the hardware . After she mentioned it a couple times , I just bought the pulls . Our AC really isn 't very effective and it gets hot here . She said that if it was okay with us , that after she caught up with having paid for the bathroom , she pay her next installment for " room and board " by replacing our windows in the living room with some like she put in her house ( translation : high quality ones ) . We tried not to jump up and down for joy at that suggestion . She said that that would probably help keep the room a whole lot cooler , and did I think we could afford to add a window AC unit ? I said sorry , but we really couldn 't . THEN Roland told me today that he thinks that he thinks it might not even be safe for a elderly woman to be in a house that often hits 83 degrees in the afternoon ( it is a dry heat ) , and he has ordered a window AC unit . She has noticed that I have repainted every room in the house except the living room . She said she really doesn 't like this color and that should be my first project next summer . I told her that I wasn 't going to do it . I 'd LIKE to do it , but see , the wallpaper under the window ( behind the sofa ) is falling off and taking some of the plaster with it . I have no idea how damaged the plaster will be if I pull all the paper off and that might be more of a job than I can handle . I said that if it really bothered her , she could hire someone to re - do the plaster and I would paint . She chuckled and said no . Then later in the kitchen she said , " you know , I had several rooms in my house re - plastered . It really isn 't that expensive . " I said , " mmm " and wandered off to have a whole conversation in in my head with her that she isn 't having with me , if you know what I mean . I hear her say , " I am planning on spending a lot of money on your windows , and the living room will still look bad unless you are willing to spend a couple hundred dollars to do something you clearly NEED to do . The wall paper and plaster are FALLING OFF THE WALL . " Then I reply , " Mom , I can 't keep spending money that I haven 't planned on spending . If the walls bother you so much , pay the couple hundred yourself . I 'll still do the painting . " And I say , " No . I don 't giving a brown word about the fornicating walls . I like the wall paper just fine . The part behind the sofa doesn 't bother me because IT IS BEHIND THE condemned - to - hot - place SOFA ! You don 't even have to buy the fornicating windows ! " As you can see , we decided on a regular tub instead of either a walk - in ( tub or shower ) . This one is lower than average , which will make it easier for Mom to climb in . There will be grab - bars aplenty of course . Remember the posts about the need up renovate the bathroom for Mom ? The big issue was that there was an inconveniently placed window . This is what my bathroom looked like this morning after we took out the shower curtain , rugs and towel bars : We are going to move the toilet to the spot next to the window ! Problem solved . This solution is possible because the laundry room , which is directly under the bathroom has no ceiling . All the plumbing is easily accessible . * * * This is a post I intended to work more on and publish a couple of weeks ago . Here it is . . . Sis and Niece got here the other day . I love them , I really do , but it is rather like having Adrian Monk , and his not - evil twin , move in . After much debate Jennifer decided to clean my kitchen first . Now , before she got there I cleaned the kitchen so that she would not be too horrified . I did all the dishes , put everything away , wiped down the counters . I thought it looked pretty good . It wasn 't deep - clean , but it was respectable . I was in and out of the kitchen of course . When we were eating dinner ( cooked by Niece ) I looked up at the upper cabinets which have glass doors . Everything was so shiny . " Did you clean every single spice jar ? " So , the last time I saw Gary was Friday evening when he waved cheerfully and said he was spending the weekend with his friend . . . the one he is planning on moving in with . He called the house yesterday and spoke to Roland saying that he was going to stop by to pick up his check . Roland said there was no check , and Gary said he would try again another day . I 'm not sure what check that is , although it may be his last paycheck from the restaurant . He still has quite a bit of stuff here , which is why I suspect that he is considering himself as still " visiting " his friend and not moved in . His friends parents have invited him to stay . Their terms are remarkably similar to ours . We asked for 5 hours or $ 50 a week . They are asking for $ 100 / month and a couple of hours of chores a week . So I suspect they are taking him in since he is such a nice boy ( which is true ) , and his adoptive parents are cruelly prioritizing birth family and shoving him out the door ( which is misleading at best ) . My sister , whom I 've named " Adrianna " after spending two weeks cleaning my house with her , first said that the friend 's parents probably think we are kicking him out . She thought I would be shocked or at least hurt . It is old news . Besides , I don 't think Gary really made it that dramatic . He would have just said that he didn 't know where he was going to live because members of the " real " family were moving in and there wasn 't enough room for him . I figure it will be a learning experience for the parents . Stephen figures this is the beginning of Gary 's " couch - surfing " career and that he will be back . Since he hasn 't " officially " moved out , moving back in will be easy . He just has to show up and say it turns out it wasn 't going to work out at the friend 's house after all . We will let him , of course . Growing up is not easy . I spoke with Andrew again about the terms for him living here . I told him that if it was in the house he could use it or eat it , but if it wasn 't he had to buy it . He also had to pay for his own gas . His " rent " will be paid primarily in planning and cooking our dinners . I may get very , very spoiled for a while . At this point his girlfriend is not " officially " moving in . That is fine with me . I imagine that she will live part time at her house and ours . If she moves in here she has to bring her cat , whom she does not think will be happy here , and since she is committed to helping to care for her younger sister anyway , she might as well still live there . Brian is doing a litter of foster kittens again this summer . This time it is five kittens with no mother . We thought that would be easier on the rest of the animals . Yep , Mom 's move - in date is quickly approaching ! It is final weeks at work . When I am not here , I am working at the house . I know that we have done a lot of de - cluttering , but there is always more . Roland and Gary are going to clean out the garage . I told Roland that if there are any boxes that have been there since we moved in 18 years ago , he should take them to the thrift store without showing them to me . He agreed , after making sure I wasn 't trying to make him do the same thing with HIS boxes . Over the past few days I have painted the bedroom Roland and I are moving into . I really should have just painted it the soothing neutral with white trim that I wanted and never asked Roland what he thought . I asked Roland though and all he cared about was that the room was as light as we could make it . I let him pick the main color : a light neutral with yellow undertones ( " Seaside Sand " ) . Then I tried to do the trim . I didn 't like the white I bought to go with it . Then I didn 't like the slightly darker neutral that I thought would coordinate well . So then I bought testers of two darker neutrals and picked one . I finished the trim and then when I went to work the next day I realized that I had painted my bedroom in the same colors as the interior of the building . I told Roland that I was very sorry , but I HAD to buy a new color for the trim in the room . When I told him why , he completely understood . So today I am going to buy a quart of a dusty rose color . I hope I can get that mostly done this evening . Tomorrow evening I am committed to pre - baking pizza crusts for Thursday 's department dinner at my house . Everyone knows the state of my existence right now , so I won 't be trying to clean the house for them . Wednesday , May 16 , I have a meeting with the dean , must turn my grades in by noon , and expect my sister and niece to arrive in the evening . We will spend the next two weeks on the rest of the house . Then we fly to Pennsylvania to drive Mom back ! One thing I want to do is get estimates for bath renovation for Mom . The house is 80 years old and we still have the original claw foot tub . I love the tub , but it is definitely NOT ADA compliant . Nothing is going to be simple . There is no alcove . The walls are just painted ; and there is a large window that would prevent installing most pre - made units . So I 'm pretty sure the options are : freestanding , walk - in tub ; custom shower ; or a bath with hand shower . In other news , today is Gary 's first day at his new job . He is working in the kitchen in a small restaurant next between the winery and the " fruit ranch " just outside of town . You know the one , right before you cross the river at Lizard Butte . So I talked with Gary , over his 1pm breakfast , about his rental agreement . He looked like he was just barely able to keep from rolling his eyes . When I got to the payment for room and board being $ 50 a week , payable in 5 hours of course a week he said stunned , " A WEEK ? " We talked on and I mentioned some things he could do today . " I don 't have time today ! I have to train from 3 - 8 , everyday . " I took a slow quiet deep breath and did not mention that that was 5 hours , every day . Hours that he is training because he wants to . Hours for which he is not getting pain . Instead I told him that I had a list that Roland had made of things he could do so the chores did not pile up . He did not quite resist rolling his eyes at that . I said I thought it was a good offer , and was actually less that Andrew and Alice were going to be doing . He said , " Yeah , but I don 't even get my own room , so what 's the point ? " He went on to tell me that he could move in with his best friend for $ 175 / month . He would have to sleep on a sofa , but he could create a private space . It was in the same town as his gym and the community college so it made a lot more sense than staying here . Especially since he doesn 't even have a car anymore . I kept my voice calm and unemotional throughout . In the inside there was another voice being loud , yelling about how the ungrateful little shite has being doing nothing for months and offering to pack up his things and move them to his friend 's right now . I don 't like that part of me , but it has been trying to get out recently . I want things to be better for him and I want to be able to help him to make them better . I just don 't think he is ready for that though . He has to do it his own way . I have been keeping my sense of humor though . I have just found out about the wonderful " first world problems " meme and have been having fun with it . When Andrew caught me scowling while doing dishes and wanted to know what was wrong I told him , " I 'm just so frustrated . I could make Gary 's life perfect if he would just do what I want him to do when I want him to do it ! " So , what I need to do are establish the boundaries I feel are necessary to protect myself and the rest of the family and the action plan I will take if those boundaries are not respected . Action plans are not threats coerce behavior , they are actions I am genuinely willing to take to protect the rest of us . This , of course , include protecting us from being treated unfairly . The only real action I can take is evicting him . Evicting is both difficult and easy . On the easy side , he doesn 't own very many things and the foster agency would store them in his basement . So evicting him would be as easy as boxing up his things . We might consider changing the locks , but I don 't think that would be necessary . That is extreme action and one I would be willing to take only under extreme situations . That means that I need to accept that I am in fact willing to continue to support him in a very basic way even if he doesn 't behave in the ways that I want him to , as long as he behavior stays basically civil . In other words , the boundaries are in fact things like not stealing from family members . There is a point at which I would say enough , but for the sake of everyone 's sanity , I am going to avoid going down that path where I only become willing to do evict after a long period of anger and attempted manipulation . Right now I don 't have any particular deadline , but eventually I will . I will commit to not fighting with him , but at some point in the future I may give him notice . Start paying rent ( or whatever ) or you will be evicted . I know that I am more anxious now because I really hoped and expected that Gary would move out ( as he wanted to ) before Andrew and my mother moved in . Once Gary does not have a private bedroom he will have no place to isolate himself . That means that we will all have to deal with him , and he with us . I spin possible scenarios in my head . Recently he has been spending most of the weekends with his friends and is only home on the days when he has the house to himself for much of the day . When people are here every day and he has no private room , will he start doing that all the time ? Maybe . Though I think that " hanging out " and probably drinking is bad for him , storing his belongings while he essentially lives with friends is not bad for me . I have written up a " rental agreement . " It specifies what behavior Gary must agree to in order to continue to get free room and board . The agreement includes doing 5 hours a week of chores and not creating more work for others by doing things like leaving messes in the kitchen and dirty dishes in the basement . This agreement has no " teeth . " There are no consequences I am willing to impose upon him for immediate failure to comply . Part of the agreement includes that we are not available for small loans or to pay for personal expenses , so I cannot threaten to withhold those if he doesn 't comply . So all I will really be doing is documenting non - compliance in case I need to make it clear to him why he is being evicted . In the meantime , I commit to trying not to create new anxieties for myself . I will not worry about how stressful it will be for me or others to live with Gary when he no longer has a private room . He avoids stress and it is just as likely that he will end up rarely being home as being here fighting with people . How long am I willing to do this ? I don 't know . However long it is though I will remind myself that I decided to let him stay . I am providing him with a safety net , housing and food , for the indefinite future . This is a choice I am making , and in making it freely , I am not going to be resentful of him for accepting it . He turned us down . He doesn 't think he can afford to pay that much one one bill all at once . The conversation went on , but I don 't feel it would be appropriate to post it all here . Suffice it to say that he seems determined to make decisions that appear to me to be foolish . So we will be handing him the medical bills and letting him deal ( or not ) with them as he chooses . Update : part of his decision seems to be based upon a rumor there is a new law saying that medical bills can 't affect your credit rating . I looked it up . There is a bill that so far as I can tell , has not yet been passed , which says that once medical bills under $ 2500 have been paid , the fact that they went unpaid for some period of time will have to be removed from your credit report after 45 days . I 'll make sure he is aware of this . Mom sold her house . She sold it after just two weeks . It was purchased by a local family who I guess had always admired it . In the paper work they agreed that Mom could stay until the end of May . Sis and I are flying out on the last day of May . Presumably we will be spending one or maybe two nights with an aunt or Mom 's BFF . Then we will drive back to Idaho . The people who bought the house are finding it difficult to be patient . They now want Mom to move out by the end of April . That 's not going to happen . When I found out that Mom sold the house I had a couple small moments of panic similar to moments I had late in the second pregnancy when for some reason or another it all became very real . You know , that what - in - the - world - was - I - thinking feeling . I kept reassuring myself that I had meant it . I mean , I wasn 't just trying to score good - daughter points by saying , " You know Mom , you can always come live with me . " Anyway , Andrew is here for spring break . He and his girlfriend , whom I call Alice on the blog , are helping with some de - cluttering and reorganization of the house . Yesterday we sorted through books . A & A took three large laundry baskets of books to the used book store . Roland is taking one basket to church and two to his school . That means that all the books that are currently on the ground floor ( the house has a ground floor and a finished basement ) are now on the bookcases in the basement , which are again close to full . There is much more to be sorted , sent away , and moved , but I will spare you the details . In the end , Mom will have the corner bedroom on the ground floor . It is the largest , and has lots of windows . I wanted her to have a room that would be comfortable to use at least some as a sitting room . I know she will need to be able to get some privacy during the day . Roland and I will have the slightly smaller bedroom on the ground floor . Brian is going to be going off to college in the fall . He is definitely going to the college where I teach , a whole half - mile away . He will come home for holidays and maybe more , but starting in September , the bedroom would be mostly empty . Gary says he can 't sleep unless he has a room of his own , but he has always regarded this as a fair option because , you know , he was moving out in two or three months anyway . Alice has been unhappy with her living situation . She lived in the dorms her freshman year and liked it but decided that she couldn 't afford it her sophomore . So she moved back home with her two sisters , mother , and mother 's boyfriend . She doesn 't complain much , but it is taking a toll on her . Andrew plans on living at home for a couple or three years so he can get take the courses to become a high school teacher . Alice would like for him to find a part - time job so they can rent an apartment together . Andrew sees no reason at all to spend money on an apartment while he is a student and he can have free rent at home . I talked to them and told them that it would be helpful for me if they lived here . My mother is used to a much cleaner house . Andrew already knows that he will be paying for his rent by cooking dinner more often than not . I gave them a list of other things I would really like done , including be available to drive grandma to appointments . We 've agreed on a limit an average of 5 hours of work a week each . They would mostly have the basement to themselves , and could arrange the rec room however they liked to make it comfortable for them both . I feel much less stressed about it all when I think of them being here . Alice says she has to bring her cat who doesn 't like other cats . We agreed she could bring it and assured her that cats learn to tolerate each other . I know she is nervous about moving in here , but she also agrees that it is her best option . I believe that Andrew has told her that if it really doesn 't work out they will find another option . So far , so good . All is well . Brian will mostly be in college but will have his basement bedroom whenever he wants to come home . Andrew and Alice will be living mostly in the basement and helping with the work . And Gary ? Well , when I talked to him about this happening last summer I told him he could share Brian 's bedroom . He agreed , but did not really think about what that would be like because he was going to move out in a couple of months anyway . In the summer I didn 't think it would be a couple of months , but it would probably be in January . In January I thought it would certainly be by May . I know Gary doesn 't want to keep living here . Now though ? Well , currently he still has no job , no savings , and some debt . He gets a student loan payment in a few days , but after that nothing . * And for the icing on the cake , yesterday his car was repossessed . He is upset , but mostly I think he wishes he had given the car back to the dealer months ago instead of spending so much money on it . ( No , I don 't understand why he spent so much money fixing it and did not make any payments on it at all . I know he was counting on it not getting re - possessed before he got his second loan payment . ) Except of course he will not really move into Brian 's room . It will not become " Brian and Gary 's room . " It will be the Brian 's room with Gary 's stuff in it . Gary will live and sleep in the rec room . This , by the way , is main reason Brian has no problem with the plan at all . Sure he can make room for Gary 's stuff . Not an issue . I have been confident that since Gary planned to move out anyway and would hate not having a room to himself , that he would surely get his act together and move . Now I think there is a real possibility that he will stay , live mostly in the rec room in the summer and then take possession of the bedroom in the fall when Brian leaves . We talked seriously about his staying the other day . I wanted him to know that he was not being kicked out of the house . He was losing his private room , but this is his home and there is room for him here . I also told him that we needed to be clear on what chores he did to pay for rent . He has not been doing much , and that really did need to change . I explained that Andrew and Alice would be doing about 5 hours a week each , and he needed to commit to something similar . He agreed he still would prefer to be responsible for the yard . There had been little to do through the winter , but that would probably mean that he would be making it up during the summer . He agreed , although so far he has been far better about agreeing to do work than actually doing it . I also expect that he agreed because he is still imagines moving out soon . So I 'm stressed . Partly this is because I worry about other people 's stress and I have been assuring Alice that living here will be acceptable for her . We have all been imagining the basement as something of a semi - apartment for them . Of course , Brian would be there sometimes , but otherwise they would have a bedroom and good size general room to themselves . As I imagine life with my mom , me , Roland , Andrew and Alice it feels very doable . Mom will like and get along with Andrew and Alice . Everyone living here will be committed to pitching in and making it work . There will be stress and difficulties , but mostly it feels right . Gary here is not the same dynamic . He says he will pitch in , but doesn 't . He doesn 't even seem to understand that as a young adult getting free rent it is really , really tacky that he still leaves dirty dishes all over the basement and only brings them up when I demand that he does . He is still a teenager , acting like a teenager , expecting assistance without really believing he needs to do anything to contribute . On the bright side he did yesterday announce that he has decided that getting drunk every weekend with his friends is stupid . This behavior has not had a much of a direct impact on our lives as he tends to just be gone for the entire weekend , returning with the tail end of a hang over . ( Of course , this is not taking into account the emergency room visit , or the affect that this behavior has undoubtedly had on his ability to move on . ) So I hope that Gary will actually move out . Then I feel guilty about welcoming Andrew back and wishing Gary gone . Then I remind myself that I am counting on Brian leaving too , and that I would NOT be happy about Andrew moving back if he didn 't have a clear plan for independence . Andrew and Alice will affect household expenses , but they will be responsible for all personal expenses . And because Andrew knows how to cook on a budget , my grocery bill is often no higher when he is here then when he is gone . ( Having a reliable second cook also means that we almost never do things like order pizza because I just don 't feel like cooking ) . Gary does not seem to be any closer to independence . I know he is trying , but nothing is working for him . Right now he is talking about applying to living in the dorms at Boise State University in the fall . That he does not have the academic record to be accepted to BSU does not seem to factor into his computations . I understand that letting him live here is providing him a safety net so that his life doesn 't sink in the ways his sister 's has , but it also is not helping him to become more capable . So I find myself hoping that the changes in the family motivate Gary to move . He will no longer have the house to himself when everyone else leaves for work or school . He will no longer have a private bedroom . I find myself hoping he hates it and figures something else out . Then I feel guilty . I know it looks like all the related - by - birth family is welcomed with open arms while the adopted son is being pushed to leave . So I reassure him that he is not being kicked out . This is his home . He is welcome here . Meanwhile I hope that he moves on . And in case you are wondering , I have no regrets about adopting him , although I do sometimes wish we had waited until he was out of the home like the other boys . The social workers from Casey Family Programs * * were so very helpful during transition . I did not realize how difficult this part would be without them . I don 't know . Maybe it would help to be more formal about the work that Gary is supposed to be doing to pay for his rent . Maybe if he had to log the hours it would be more real . * * That is not a mistake . I 'm not worried about anonymity so much anymore . I live in Idaho . We worked with the Casey Family Programs . The second was for a panic - attack - from - hell that he had as a result of consuming something ( or several somethings ) at a party . He thought he was dying . He had his friends call him an ambulance which took him to the ER were they gave him IV fluids and an anti - anxiety medication . The third was 10 days after he had his tonsils removed . He hadn 't bothered with the routine anti - biotics he was prescribed and he was spitting up blood . He could not wait a few more hours to go to the doctor 's office . At the ER they gave him sympathy , considered giving him antibiotics , but got an afternoon appointment with the surgeon . He was prescribed antibiotics which he did not take because " the doctor didn 't think it was an infection . " I argued that the doctor must have thought it was an infection , because he prescribed antibiotics . Finally I just started handing them to him on schedule . The fourth was yesterday . Friday evening he was at a bonfire with friends . He was drinking , did something foolish , and hit his head hard . At noon he felt he had to have medical attention because he had such a terrible headache . We took him to the urgent care clinic , but he reported symptoms of a concussion and they sent him to the ER . There he was given Tylenol , had a CT scan and was told he was fine . He has this pattern with his health . He has a symptom , is afraid he is seriously ill and must see a physician . The physician sees him , prescribes some treatment , and Gary goes home , ignores the treatment and usually feels better very quickly . He seems to have a strong need to be seen by a professional . This does not translate into any desire to follow up on the treatments . I can 't imagine going back to yesterday and saying , " Sweetie , you have no bruise , no bump , and your eyes look fine . You are severely hung over and you hit your head . Of course you feel miserable . Drink some water and take a pill . " I wanted to say that . I think I would have been right to say that . On the other hand , what if I had been wrong ? What if he had had a concussion ? I no longer trust his reports of his own health . I don 't think he is lying . I think he is genuinely frightened by what he is feeling . He needs the reassurance . Maybe he needs the attention from me . Even if I am right about that , he still could be seriously hurt . Only the thing is . . . I seriously cannot afford this . Roland and I are living on a very tight budget paying off debts from last year . Two thirds of that debt is a combination of Gary - related car expenses and Gary 's medical bills . Before this latest ER visit I had hoped we would pay off all the debt before my mother moved in , but thought more realistically , we might make it by the end of summer . I know that " can 't afford it " is relative . I know that if he had had a concussion and needed surgery I would be resigned to paying off a higher debt load . I would be worried , but I would cope . Right now though ? Right now I am angry because even if he had been seriously injured , it still would have been the result of getting drunk . He doesn 't seem to think that is a big deal . When he was in the emergency room after taking the stuff at the party he seemed quite sincere when he said that he learned never to do that again . This time he says that drinking is just what teenagers do . ( Does that mean that when he turns 20 in the fall he will change ? I 'm not holding my breath . ) He won 't try to do acrobatics and land on his head though . I do not want to be responsible for this bill . On the other hand , he really can 't afford it . He has to be at least $ 1000 behind on his car payments . He doesn 't have a job and wants to move out . I want him to move out too , and saddling him with more debt won 't help . We 've pretty much decided that we are going to take responsibility for the larger portion of the bill and make him responsible for a smaller part of it . The easiest way to do that will be for us to pay the money owed to the hospital and make him responsible for the bills from the docs . ( We will get one from the ER physician and from the radiologist who looked at the CT scans ) . That feels right to me . It means he has to deal with the real - world consequences of his actions , but we have soften the blow enough that it is not going to destroy him . It will hurt real bad though . Roland and I are getting resentful and that is not a good thing . Gary has been talking about wanting to buy a tablet computer . In the ER he told me that he was thinking that maybe all he could afford would be a Kindle Fire . I ranting about how much money he owes and our struggles to pay off the debts , but I didn 't . On the way home I did tell him that the changes that he was seeing in our lifestyle were a result of trying to get out of debt and that I did not think Roland and I were going to be willing to take responsibility for the $ 800 ( or whatever ) the ER visit was going to cost . I told him we would help , but he was going to have to be responsible for some of it . Right now the very best thing about my mom moving in is that Gary is determined to move out first . I warned him last summer that if this happened he and Brian would have to share a room . He losing the private bedroom when my sister shows up in the middle of May . Since I started this post he has told me that he called his social worker to learn about getting assistance moving out . He just has to find a job first . ( He also told me that he is feeling great and he googled his symptoms . He is sure he had a severe concussion . CT scans can 't always pick those up , you know . ) I 'm angry that he agreed to do chores to pay for his rent and he has not . I 'm angry that he leaves dirty dishes in the basement and I have to nag at him to get them back up . I 'm angry that he doesn 't understand that not doing chores and making messes is something I can tolerate in a high school student , he has passed into a different realm for me . Last June I made the offer to Mom and she seemed to think it was a definitely possibility . I suspected that Mom would keep putting it off , agreeing that it was a good thing to do in a year or so . She couldn 't delay moving indefinitely . She lives in a small house with a bedroom on the second floor and laundry in the basement . As the Parkinson 's progresses she simply will not be able to handle the stairs . She says she doesn 't want to live in an assisted living / retirement community , and that does not leave many options . The big change is that her BFF is going to retire and move next fall . That decision wasn 't expected , but it makes sense given the events in the BFF 's extended family . Mom has become very dependent upon her friend for all sorts of things . Her friend drivers her to most of her appointments , takes her shopping , and carries the laundry up and down the stairs . My sister is finishing her class work for college in early May . After that she does and internship and then she plans to get a job . Sis can take a month off early this summer to help with the move , but doesn 't expect to be able to take that kind of time ever again . So right now , here is the tentative plan . Sis is a meticulous housekeeper . I 'm not . Sis will be flying out here when she finishes classes and will spend two weeks bossing me around and whipping my house into shape . I am by the way , pleased with this . I am getting professional - quality home organization service free . Well , I have to give her room and board and be her staff - of - one , but it should be worth it . Then Sis and I hope to be able to fly to Mom 's house . If all goes according to plan , Mom , with the help of her BFF , will have the closing of the house finished . Most of the furniture is going to a local auction place . Some will have gone into a small moving van . Lots of things will have gone to a thrift store or the dump . Sis , Mom and I will then drive back here . It will take about four days . It could be done in less , but neither Mom nor Sis do much driving and I think 9 hours a day is about all I can expect of myself . Maybe we will take five days . The main advantage to driving is being able to bring Mom 's almost - new car back with us . We have not finalized all these plans , and Mom is still thinking about whether she would prefer to do it another way , * * * correction : I just got an email from Mom 's BFF . Mom is sending a check to Sis to help pay for travel . We 're on . * * * My niece will be coming along with Sis . She will help with the grunt work in my house and with the driving on the way back . With niece to help with the driving , maybe we can make it in 3 days . I guess I am moving on to the next stage of my life . I haven 't been a foster parent for more than a year . Soon things will be different again . Maybe it is time to start a whole new blog . I imagine there is probably a community of bloggers who are living with or at least caring for their elderly parents . I don 't want to lose y ' all , but it might be good if I connect with them too . . . ( I just read the post below . Damn , it makes me feel depressed about my life . I think this is why I haven 't been writing much at all . I don 't really feel depressed . Actually , I feel pretty good . But there is not a lot of good news . ) Gary has started taking classes at community college . It is too early to know what will become of it . One of his main motivations is financial . He qualifies for a significant amount of federal aid , and he needs it pretty desperately . He has car - associated bills that are unpaid leaving him in a very difficult place . If continues to live at home , goes to school , gets all the aid , maybe gets a part time job also , he might be able to be out of debt by summer . He wants to move out , but it is unclear whether and when he will be able to afford it . We gave him a rescue in the fall . We put a new clutch in the car and made an insurance payment so he could keep driving . Roland tended to wonder if this would " work , " meaning would it get him set on a path that would lead to stability . I said that I did not expect it to work , but I needed to know that I had done it . The first time he got in over his head , I would bail him out . So , I don 't know what will happen to him next . He can stay here and have free room and board indefinitely , but we are doing less and less for him outside of that . He is supposed to be paying all of the rest of his expenses , so mostly that means he does without . I get irritated with him sometimes and then do passive aggressive things like put onions in whatever I am cooking so he won 't want to eat it . But he is trying . He is struggling with growing up . He makes poor decisions , but I know he wants to be independent . His plan is not to live off of our grudging generosity indefinitely . Eventually he will pull things together . His sister Helen is spiraling out of control . My theory is that she just rushed into adulthood too quickly . She did so well in high school . She graduated early , went to college early . She made a couple of really bad decisions which cut her off from her last foster family . Then she got sick and could not or did not ask them for help . She ended up not going back to school and is struggling in ways we all hoped she would never have to . There are people who will help her when she is ready tYou may remember that Andrew is graduating from college this year . He wants to move back in and attend the college where I teach to get his teaching certificate for high school . It will probably take him two years . After cooking for himself at college , he is very good at eating on a budget . He cooks when he is here , and I am looking forward to that . My mom 's Parkinson 's is progressing as Parkinson 's does . Her best friend is planning to retire in the fall . She will be moving out of state , which almost certainly means that Mom has to move this summer . She has become very dependent on her friend . Without her Mom will have to either live with us or move into assisted living . So the chances are very good that she will be moving in with us this summer . I 'm hoping she can manage the business side on her end . . . putting the house up for sale , arranging for most of her furniture to be auctioned off . I 'm not sure how exactly we will handle it if she just isn 't up to it . The Parkinson 's makes her tired . The disease may also be why her hearing is failing so badly . I know her friend will help her make the phone calls so she can get things done . Still , Mom must make the decisions and she is fighting depression . Ideally , it would be best if she and we sold our houses and bought a new house with a master 's suite for her . After a decade of foster parenting , I 've gotten fairly good at adjusting to new people in the house . The most difficult part is going to be Mom 's obsessive need for things to be tidy . We will adjust our habits some , but most of that will have to be hers . I will need to remind myself of that frequently . The bottom line is that even if we worked very , very hard , we would never be able to keep our house as meticulously tidy as she does hers . This really is the only part that I am anxious about . My sister is finishing up college . She is still living with her husband . He has a job that requires travel and is only home about one day a week . Sis says they get along really well that one day . Officially , Sis is still " giving him a chance . " One factor is certainly that Sis cannot support herself until she finishes college . I have wondered if she is genuinely trying to make it work , or if she is just trying to hang on until she graduates with no expectation that it will succeed long term . I suspect she goes back and forth between the two thoughts . When she is done she should be able to get a job which will require her to move . I don 't know if her husband will come with her or not . And I am doing far better than I would have been had I had to deal with all of this a few years ago . Somewhere along the line I just got better and not making other people 's problems mine . When I don 't need to think about them , I don 't . Work is going very well for me . The two other members of the department retired in the past two years and we just now finally hired a replacement . We will be a department of two for the foreseeable future , but I am very happy about the person we have hired . For the first time in a couple of years I am not flying by the seat of my pants . The regular work of long - term planning and assessment is no longer the meaningless act of fiction it has been . My new colleague is so much younger than I am . I 've decided that is what it means to get older . I don 't feel like I am older . I do notice that my body is not as cooperative about some things , but other than that , I feel about the same . What I do notice as that other adults are getting younger . Increasingly I got to professionals that are barely older than my children . Most of the profs we have hired recently seem hardly older than the students . It 's weird , but not bad . And all this isn 't as depressing as it might sound . The children have to follow their own paths to adulthood . I can 't travel it for them . All I can do is provide some basic level of safety net soPosted by Daughter , sister , wife , mother , foster - parent blog writer , philosophy professor . . . I am and have been many things . These days my identities as a teacher of bioethics and the daughter of a woman with Parkinson 's and dementia lead me to agree with Peter Singer , " It 's different when it 's your mother . " |
One - day as he was walking to the village he spied a bird in need . Looking around he saw nobody to help so he picked up the bird in his gentle hands , put him in his pocket to keep warm , and continued on his way . While he was at the village he bought a handkerchief , a small tin cup and seeds . Then he took the bird and the things he had bought and went back home . After a couple days the bird began to feel better . He 'd hop about the room jumping on one thing and then another . Soon , the old man thought , the little bird won 't be needing any more help . That night everything was quiet . It was the quietest night for several weeks . Usually the animals were noisy . Some of the people in the village said the animals did it to ward off evil spirits . This night not a sound was heard from anywhere . The next day the old man went to the village as usual . While he was there he spied an old English Antique shop . Seeing a lot of good things in the window , he went in and looked around , as he was doing so a lady came up to him and said , " Are you the man who helped the little bird ? " " No , " explained the lady . " I was just told by someone . He told me to tell you to go to the old Turkish well on the south side of the village . I haven 't the faintest idea what he wants you there for . " It was a long , tiring walk to the south side . He passed a lot of gift shops , cafes , craftsmen shops , and houses . It was late afternoon when he arrived at the well . As he approached he saw a figure standing under a fig tree by the well . The figure was completely dressed in white from head to foot . The man was astonished to see a figure standing there . He was afraid that he was dreaming . It was very scary . When the old man walked near , it spoke to him in a strange voice saying , " I have longed to meet you . You were very kind . Why did you pick the bird up ? Many people would have ignored it , yet you helped it . Why ? " " I did it because I enjoy helping others . I am kind to a lot of things that other people wouldn 't bother with . I have an urge to help them . Do you understand what I am trying to say ? " Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPinterestTumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on March 29 , 2014 , in stories and tagged mysterious , old men , religious , short story . Leave a comment She hated her parents for leaving her with an eccentric aunt they hadn 't seen in years . It was rumored that Aunt Mame had become more withdrawn since the death of her husband twenty years ago . Her aunt had isolated herself from every relative she had ever known and yet there wasn 't a choice as to who could take her for the summer . Josie had understood their reasoning when they sat her down one night to explain that they needed time to be alone . Her mom was having a hard time getting over the loss of a child . Josie would have had a sister had she lived . Aunt Mame lived in a three - story Victorian home that looked like the one in California that Josie had read about . The Winchester house had been built by a lady who had lost her husband and child in an accident and was told by a psychic that their ghosts would leave her alone if she kept building the home . She spent her entire life building on that house . A lot of the rooms and hallways were dead ends , and some of the staircases went on forever . Josie 's room had a Victorian canopy bed that was a little hard to climb into so her aunt had given her a stool to step on . The sheets were silk and the curtains flowed down like angel 's wings . The mattress was one of the softest she had ever laid on , and the room was bigger than her room at her parents ' home . There was an old - fashioned dresser complete with an armoire and a window seat that looked out the back of the house for miles . Her aunt had acres of land with fruit trees and a pigeon coop . Lying down on the soft sheets , she fell into a deep sleep . Dreaming about her parents hunting an elephant made her smile because seeing them standing next to or damn near one was hysterical . They looked like ants against such massive creatures , and she could not help but smile . Then her dream went from funny to weird . A lady with long , curly red hair and the face of an angel started to sing , and as she sang Josie could see tiny cherubs strumming banjos and other cherubs shooting their arrows into floating hearts . Every now and again they whispered to each other their secrets . All she could hear in the wind was bring me back , bring me back . Confused by this and not sure where to turn or where to go in her dream , she turned around the trunk of a tree and saw a monster ready to grab he so she ran screaming her head off . " Are you sure you 're okay ? " her aunt asked her as she wiped the sweat from Josie 's brow . " I heard you all the way down the hall . What else can I get you ? Are you sure you don 't want me to get in touch with your parents ? I have their phone number in case there is a problem . " " No , please don 't bother them . There is no reason to do that and I am old enough to take care of myself . My mom and dad really need this time to be alone . Don 't bother them , okay Aunt Mame ? " The sound of the rooster and the clattering of dishes woke Josie with such a start that she began to breathe hard and clutching her chest all wild - eyed she looked about the room , not sure where she was . It had been a fitful sleep and rested she was not . She clambered out of bed , put on her slippers and robe , and went to use the bathroom down the hall before heading downstairs . As she walked down the dark staircase , the smell of sausage permeated her nostrils and smoke hung heavy in the air . She could see her breath as she came downstairs , and the chill of the air hit her arms like she had dived into the icy sea . The morning fire had not been attended to , and for a moment Josie thought it was one of her chores that she had forgotten when her aunt called from the kitchen to say that she had not gotten that far yet and would do it after breakfast . After breakfast her Aunt Mame had chores in the barn , leaving Josie once again to her own devices . This particular day , she decided it was about time she did some exploring , starting with the house itself . She thought the best thing to do was to start at the top and work her way down to the basement . She had plenty of time to explore in the next two months . The attic was dusty and so filled with huge spider webs that Josie didn 't know where to begin . To avoid some of the dust , she decided to start in the middle of the room . Seeing a trunk that looked interesting , she slowly lifted the lid and the smell of old moth balls filled the room . The clothes in the trunk were still in good condition and lifting through the slit she found a variety of heirlooms carefully wrapped in silk handkerchiefs and tissue paper . Lifting the tissue off of a garment she stared at a wedding dress complete with veil and matching gloves . She also found medals from the war that her aunt 's dead husband had been in . There were corsages so well preserved they looked alive . And at the bottom of the trunk was a pair of opera glasses still intact after all these years . Later she would dust some of this stuff off so she could play with it . Looking up from the trunk for a moment she saw a weird shiny pattern across the room on the wall . Going over to investigate , she lifted a piece of material sitting on a table and noticed a section of the table that seemed to glow orange in color as the sun hit it . Tracing the glow with her fingertips she felt the edge indent just a little and pushing aside the rest of the wood she managed to open it . The drawer was built into the table , completely hidden from sight . In this drawer she found puzzle pieces enclosed in an embossed velvet pouch . There wasn 't a picture of what the pieces were supposed to be about so Josie figured this was a chance to find some amusement . She loved a good mystery . Spotting a table with a lamp on it she took the pouch to the table and dumping the pieces onto it , she separated the corners from the flat - edged outside pieces . Slowly putting the outside of the puzzle in place , she soon realized that several hours had gone by . Tired of sneezing from the dust , she took a break , leaving the finished pieces intact . No one had been up here for years so it was a sure thing that no one would disturb it but the attic critters that roamed the room in the darkness . Aunt Mame was not aware of the trips to the attic or the whereabouts of her niece , nor did she seem to care . Josie was only called for dinner and breakfast . Her aunt had her own chores and agenda for the day and Josie did not care about her whereabouts either . As the puzzle progressed , it resembled a face that seemed familiar to Josie and yet she could not place it . The face was angelic and beautiful with long , curly , red hair . The young lady 's eyes seemed to follow her around the room . It looked as if the eyes had been crying for they were the clearest emerald - colored glass you had ever seen . It looked as if her soul were reaching through the picture . Looking about the attic , Josie searched for photo albums , but to her dismay did not find any . The next day she asked her aunt , who told Josie to search the library . There was a greater chance the albums were there because albums were considered books , after all , her aunt had told her . Walking down the hallway , Josie searched for the library and finally finding it she went in and looked around . Taking a few albums off the shelf , she looked inside them page by page . Not finding any pictures resembling the face in the puzzle , Josie became more and more discouraged . She recognized some of the relatives she saw in the photos , but none of them even remotely resembled the face in the puzzle . When she was almost finished going through all the albums she could find , Josie was about to give up when she spied a huge book lying on a stool in one corner . The cover was heavily embossed and almost looked like a Bible but was not . Flipping to the middle of the album she found the face she was looking for . Next to the face she found a locket of red hair and a baby 's booty with no explanation . Once again she was at a dead end . She left the room and went to bed to think . Falling into a deep sleep , her dreams once again whispered in her ears and she again woke up screaming . Looking about the room and breathing heavily as if she had been running in her sleep , she started to realize the lady in the puzzle was trying to speak to her through her dreams and she knew she had to ask her aunt who she was . Her dreams had cherubs , floating hearts and the most beautiful woman she had ever seen singing in a voice that would make a grown man cry . Maybe the dreams were trying to tell her something . If only she knew what it all meant . She was tired of waking up to the sounds of her own screams . Trying to make sense of her dreams and the puzzle was beginning to take a toll on her beauty sleep . Getting dressed she glanced at the clock and seeing that it was time for breakfast she went downstairs to look for her aunt . Aunt Mame was in the basement tending the fire in the stove . The smell of bacon in the air made Josie 's stomach growl . " Aunt Mame , " Josie said , " I 've been having a dream I can 't explain . I have a hunch it has something to do with what I found in the attic . A couple of weeks ago , I found a puzzle in a secret drawer and when I put it together it was the most beautiful face I have ever seen with long , curly red hair and when I looked in the library I found her picture in the last book I looked in . Beside her picture was a locket of red hair and a baby 's booty with no explanation . Do I know her ? She seems familiar and she was in my dreams before I found the puzzle in the drawer . Who is she ? And what happened to her ? She was singing in my dream and there were little cherubs strumming banjos , shooting their arrows into floating hears and they kept whispering to each other to bring me back , bring me back . Why do I keep dreaming about someone I do not know and can 't remember ? " " Wow , you certainly have a lot of questions , " her aunt said as she thought about what Josie had asked her . " I don 't know why you would be dreaming of her . She died a long time ago and no one has spoken of her since . Why don 't you go eat your breakfast and I 'll explain when you 're done , okay ? " After breakfast Aunt Mame took Josie to the library . Gathering the dusty embossed album in her arms , her aunt walked behind two columned bookcases filled with romance novels and poetry books . Along the walls of the long hallway leading to a hidden room were pictures of ancestors framed in gold . It reminded Josie of a museum . Every other picture had an oil lamp hanging alongside it and was lit with the light coming from the end of the hallway . " Jane was thirteen years old when she died giving birth . Her baby was also born dead . She had taught herself to crochet to pass the time on the farm she lived on and had made booties and a matching gown in anticipation of her new arrival . She had the voice of an angel and would often sing to her unborn child . The same fate had befallen her mother who had also died giving birth . " " Her father despised Jane for killing his wife , and he often left her for days . She sang to keep herself company . At thirteen she got pregnant and none of us were sure who the father was . She was too far away to check on every day and there weren 't many close neighbors . " " As she grew nearer the end of her pregnancy she went into labor and lying down in the barn with horses she attempted to give birth . We all think the baby was breach because when we found her the baby 's legs were sticking out of her body . The baby was too small to breathe on its own and there was no one to turn the baby in the womb so it could get air . Neither of them survived . " " The puzzle was made by her father because even though he despised her , he loved the sound of her voice . He often told others that despite his resentment , he thought she was the most beautiful person on earth . She looked so much like her mother that it was like looking in a mirror and that is why he stayed away . He became a drunk after her death and ended up in a mental institution , where he hung himself a couple of years later . We were so ashamed of the incident that we tried to bury the past . None of their names were uttered again in this house . The puzzle was hidden so that no one would speak of it again . " " The only reason I even know about it is that my grandparents used to tell us stories of the ghosts they saw at night in this house . We thought they were making up the stories to scare us until your mom went digging in the attic one day just as you did and discovered the family secret . Our grandparents were telling us the truth and passing down the tales as ghost stories . " Josie nodded . " I would like to know what those dreams mean . I keep waking up screaming , and the dreams are so weird that it is keeping me up at night . So it would be nice to know if you have an explanation , " Josie said . " Well , perhaps the elephants signify the exaggeration of the story over the years and the whispering cherubs shooting floating hearts could mean that we have broken a lot of hearts over the years because we have not loved people for who they are . We have mistaken the sins of others for the people they remind us of . It was a mistake to forget she even existed . " " Josie , I should have been paying more attention to you instead of wallowing in my own grief . My husband died twenty years ago and your mother lost a child . I 'm sorry . We should call your mother , I haven 't really talked to her in years and I know we have grown apart . Do you think she needs me ? " Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPinterestTumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on March 8 , 2014 , in stories and tagged families , ghosts , intense , mistakes , mystery . Leave a comment Feb28 Slowly creeping through his veins like a caterpillar inching its way inside a leaf , the sensation made Harry irritated as his leg cramps returned . He had been sitting in the same spot for hours . Lying down earlier had relieved some of the pain but now it was back again . So he stood up to stretch , his feet slipped out from under him , flinging his legs into the air and sending his butt to the ground with a thud . Instead of staying in one spot , the weight of his body slid him closer to the edge and then suddenly stopped . Harry 's breathing ceased for a second and he froze . Slowly moving only his eyes , he looked around him to determine why he was still on the mountain . After coming to the immediate conclusion that he was on his back staring at the sky above him , he glanced in the direction of his hands and saw that the only thing holding him on the cliff was a branch caught between a rock and a hard place . His hands had turned white against the strain . " Whew " . he gasped . " That was close . What was I thinking ? " he muttered . Having spent the night up here , he had removed his shirt at sunrise , giving praise to the beautiful day and giving in to the chill and wetness of the heavy dew . A compiling of wood - chips had been built up as high as a tiny ant hill beside the rock he had perched his butt on the night before . Needing to keep his hands busy so his mind would remain calm , he had whittled a stick so much that there was nothing left of it but a small stub . Memories of the past seemed to flood his mind . Growing up , he had always turned the other cheek like the Bible told him to . His family had always gone to church and fervently believed in God and the devil . Both of these concepts were deeply believed by his family and were alive and well and living on earth and in Heaven . His family had chosen to always turn the other cheek like the Bible had taught them for generations . " A man can walk away from a fight and still hold his dignity but once you join in , you are just as bad as they are , " his dad would often say . His family did not act like Christians all the time , however . People were different behind closed doors . His dad was drunk half the time so it was a real challenge believing a word that came out of his mouth . Once again , Harry 's heart chilled at the thought he had been contemplating all night . The air stung briskly as it hit his skin , rushing in from the trees and the sunny mountain sky . Earlier , looking over the edge of the mountain , bare - chested and in shorts and hiking boots , he could not believe how far down the drop was . Pulling himself up to his knees , he started to stand but sensed something in front of him . His muscles tensed at the sound he heard . Standing between him and the edge of the cliff was a rattlesnake whose shade rock had fallen when Harry had slipped . While sitting on a rock , he had received a feeling of power and control over his life . It felt right . He had never known this feeling of control at any time in his life . He could remember a lot of incidents where he did not have control , and as the memories crossed his mind , his attitude started to change from a feeling of ambivalence to an almost uncontrollable anger . Popping into his mind at the moment , he recalled a conversation between him and Jessie , a child - hood friend who had been in his life for a brief time . " Harry , why do you always let them get to you ? Nobody can take your attitude away from you . You have control over how you feel . Don 't let them get to you , no matter what happens . Promise me you won 't let them get you down " , she would often say . Times were hard back then , and soon his one and only friend was gone . She had moved to another state and handwriting letters was not his forte so they soon lost touch and the words she had often encourage him with soon left him too . The comforting words pushed into the recesses of his mind did nothing to protect him against the cruel world and the promise was soon forgotten . Teased and ridiculed for having a family who believed in turning the other cheek and having a birth name of Harry Gripp , he had endured a lot of torment over the years . His mind bogged down with nothing except the memories of pain and the dispositions of everyone he had known all his life . With his support system failing him at home and with no one to count on but his mother , he could not seem to ignore the ridicule and the alcoholism that pervaded his home . His life now had no meaning for him and there was nothing left . He thought there was nothing he could hold on to , not even the love of his mother . As the late morning started to fade and the sun had moved out from above him , the sweat on his brow drenching his face brought him back with a start . The decision he had to make about the circumstances he was currently in was driving him nuts and standing in a semi - crouch position and not moving a muscle had begun to give him the shakes . Complications were starting to set in quicker than anticipated . It was now or never , he thought to himself . It was time to make a decision . It was time to act . Sweat trickled down his neck , making his back itch , and resisting the urge to scratch was too much . Before he had his mind made up , he instinctively moved his hand and the snake arched its neck and struck , biting his leg . His first thought , of course , was of his mother and what she would have thought had she been here . Had she come up to him at that moment , she would have been appalled to know that he had come to this decision and she would have told him that it was a sign from God who was intervening in his life for a reason . He could still make something of his life if only he would see the good around him and the chances still to take . God had a purpose for him despite the past . Ignoring the thoughts of his mother , Harry knew this was the moment he had waited for . It was time to prove to him - self and to the others who had taunted him over the years that he had the guts to finish what he started . Closing his eyes and breathing slowly , he knew he had to clear her judgmental face from his mind , from his heart . He knew that deep down she loved him and had always been his ally , but over the years his trials had become hard for her to bear and she had begun to think that it was his fault . That it was him bringing on all the pain . He could not afford to contemplate what she would think of his decision now . At 15 years of age , he was considered a man in many cultures and was old enough to make his own way in the world . His mind was made up and he swore to himself he would not budge . Coming back to reality , the pain sinking in to his senses , he fell to the ground and screaming in agony , he tried to see where the snake had gone . Inching out from behind a twig , the snake bit him again and again until it had enough room to maneuver to the other side of Harry . Trapped no longer , the snake slithered out of sight . Harry lay there thinking of everything that had happened , the real and the imagined , and it dawned on him that he needed to do something quickly or he was going to die a fools death . Having not been the method he wanted to die from , he managed to get off the ground with the help of a stick he found lying near his head . Inching his way to a standing position , he looked around him trying to get his bearings . He knew all too well what this meant to him now and the decision he had started with the night before was slowly changing into a desperate need for survival . As the pain grew and retreated like the waves of an ocean , his mind eased with the course of the wave so that he could recall in those moments of retraction where he had left items not needed in his journey the night before . In one of those tearful moments through the pain , he remembered where he had parked his truck . It was a forty - five minute walk from the truck to the top of the mountain , and he knew he would be dead before he got there . He had deliberately parked where no one could see his truck from the road , and he had hiked in without any extra clothing or survival equipment as his intent was not to survive . Now , he was berating himself for not being prepared for Mother Nature 's interference . He should have known better . He 'd had encounters with her as a child and many a time she had interfered with her gusty winds or bears eating the fish that should have been his while he was fishing in the same stream . Scattering the poles into the water , he would run , leaving the bears to the fish before they sniffed the air and made a meal out of him instead . Facing once again a powerful pain in his gut , he had to do something quick . Feeling his pockets , he found the pocketknife he had been whittling with last night and he tried to remember what he 's read in that book on snakes as a child . Oh yeh , he said to himself , I should cut the site and suck out the poison . And with that thought , he did . Doing this bought him some time and he managed to make it to his truck . Finding the extra keys underneath the truck made it easy for him to drive . Halfway down the dirt road , he started to get dizzy and passing out at the wheel he slammed the truck into a ditch almost hitting a tree . Opening his eyes slowly and assessing where he was , he tried to maneuver the truck out of his ditch . Mud sprayed everywhere and the tires went deeper into the soft earth . After many attempts , he finally realized he should put it into four - wheel drive . Doing this gave him an advantage between the mud and his losing battle which gave him the necessary traction to get the truck back on the solid dirt road . About an hour down the dirt road he turned off and hit the freeway . Another ten minutes , he saw a hospital sign and taking the exit off the freeway he followed the signs and pulled up to the front doors of the emergency room . Leaving his car door open and the engine running , he stumbled in and collapsed on the cold sterile floor . An attendant rushed to his side . Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPinterestTumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on February 28 , 2014 , in stories and tagged closer to the edge , inspirational , suicide , Suspense . Leave a comment Feb24 Checking her watch against the train station clock , Judy wanted to make sure she had the right time . Judd was expected off the train at 6 : 0 p . m . today and she hated being late . She double - checked the time every five minutes . Feeling anxious for Judd to show because she 'd heard about a train accident on the news , she considered talking to the attendants at the station to see if the schedules had been changed . She thought she must have missed his train . Checking her watch again , she watched the minute hand move fast around the face . Had she gotten the directions messed up again ? Had she gotten the time and day right ? She couldn 't remember . She was nervous and anxious . She had missed him terribly and couldn 't keep these terrible thoughts out of her brain even though she was a smart and sensible person . Judd had ridden the train this last time to Vegas for a conference on P . O . S . terminal systems . He was one of the project managers and was mainly there to spy on the competition and to explain the new flat - screen technology at the company 's demonstration booth . Taking the train had been cheaper than flying this time around . Thinking about their relationship as she waited on the platform , Judy wondered how the years had passed by so quickly . They had been together now for almost four years and had never been happier . Having a lot in common with each other was like a gift from God . Other relationships had not worked out because they lacked having things in common . Going for hikes in the hills and lying underneath the stars were some of their favorite things to do . They also liked to go on spur - of - the - moment trips . However , the last - minute trips had slacked off since the joining of their families , and now all trips had to be planned . Having kids still in school made taking any trip harder . Plans had to be arranged around the school schedule . Kids seemed to need more things as they got older . They seemed to grow out of things more quickly too , which hit the budget unplanned for . Growing was predictable in some ways but you could not plan when it was going to happen . Checking her watch for the umpteenth time , Judy tensed when she felt a hand on her shoulder . Jumping out of her skin , her shoes staying on the platform , she slowly turned around . Judd stood behind her smiling with that huge , boyish grin of his , and she couldn 't help but melt . " You scared me to death " she said as he was brought into a close embrace . " Don 't sneak up behind me again . " she managed to say after coming up for air . " Oh , I must have gotten the tracks messed up . I 'm so used to picking you up at the airport , I thought for a few moments that you were in that train wreck they 've been talking about on the news . Did you hear about it on the train ? " " Yes it was , " he replied . " Sales went through the roof . We sold one thousand terminals , and the competition has a new screen out that 's 3 - D . My boss is gonna flip when he hears how they did it . It 's hysterical . Let 's go . " Reaching the nearest restaurant that did not serve dinner in plastic containers , they opened the door to find the place all lit up with candles and ivy . A waitress dressed like a French maid showed them to a secluded table in the back of the restaurant where candlelight serenaded them . Judy could not take her eyes off him . It was like he had never been away . Time stood still and Judy did not glance at her watch . All the uneasiness disappeared when Judd was within her presence . He gave her peace and she had no reason to look at her watch when his gaze was so entrancing . She could look at him for hours and not get bored . They trusted each other immensely . The next morning , Judy knocked on the children 's doors as she headed to make breakfast downstairs . Her footsteps were soundless on the plush two - ply red carpet they had installed on the second floor of their two - story home in California . Two the children answered with " uh , what . Ok . " And the other two children made no sound at all . Judy knew she would have to go back upstairs to try waking them again , but time was short and she needed to finish what she had started in the kitchen . The sounds of pots and pans being taken out of the cupboards and put on the counters and the stove echoed in the sparse remodeled room which would eventually take the place of their old kitchen . She could not wait to have cabinets and a hanging rack above the island where she could put the pots and pans that did not fit under the counter . She had waited four years for a new kitchen . When they had moved in , there were limited cub - boards and no room on the counters for the equipment needed to prepare meals , but she had made do knowing that someday a new kitchen would be one of the projects they had in mind for the house . It had taken a good two years to begin the project in the first place . Having not a lot of money when they first lived together , they had made do with what was already built and there were several projects that had taken precedence . But now , the kitchen was almost complete and she could not wait for it to be done . Judy loved to cook and it relaxed her to no end when everyone got on her nerves or she had a bad day at work . Measuring ingredients helped her to focus and kept her hands busy and out of trouble . Each leveling of the measuring cups and spoons soon whisked away her troubles . When he came downstairs after a short shower , Judd grabbed Judy by the waist , pulling her close to him so she could feel his smooth , bald head . Feeling his body awakened memories of the night before . Squeezing away from Judd 's arms , Judy finished breakfast and left the room to finish waking up the other two boys who were still in bed . " What 'd you do now ? " Judd asked . " I can 't take you anywhere . You always have to hit something , don 't you ? Have a nice day at work . See ya tonight . " Not being able to hear anything for a few minutes , Judd finally said , " What the hell kind of alarm is that ? " as he tried to find the source so he could turn it off . " It sounds like a fog horn . When did you buy that ? Who sold it to you . . . a deaf man ? Did he demonstrate that monstrous thing ? " " No , he did not " , Judy said from the other side of the bed . I really wish you would stop yelling all the time . It really is getting on my nerves . And for your information , I don 't have that many nerves left . " " Why , what happened while I was gone ? " Judd demanded . " I was only gone for two weeks . Surely you could have managed the household for that long without getting into too much trouble . I 'm back now so we don 't have to worry . Discipline is back in town and anyone who disrespected you while I was gone is gonna get it . " " Nothing major happened . The kids get along better when you 're here and it 's not because you 're the only one who can discipline because I did my share while you were gone and I am just as good as you are . Now none of them are restricted anymore so we won 't have a problem taking them to buy school clothes . They just won 't get everything they want . We don 't have the money and I don 't want to hear about it from you . Do want a lunch this morning or should I call in the respect police instead ? " she said with emphasis on the word respect . The next morning came way too early and as the sun shone into the room , Judy woke with a start . Screaming the name of her son , " Jeff ! " she yelled from her bedroom behind closed doors . Pausing long enough for an answer and not hearing one she rattled off the next person on the list of children that she and Judd had together . " Joe ! " Not getting a response out of either one , she wondered where they could be . Surely they were not so deep in sleep that they were deaf . On the way to to bedroom door , Judy reached for her robe which was on a hook kept neatly off the floor . Reaching for her robe on the hook made Judy think about what Judd had told her when they first moved in together . Now they could afford to live like they wanted , he 'd said . Everything would have its own place . Together we have the money to be able to do that . Nice , neat and perfect never did fit into Judy 's way of life . Being a single mom she had never had the money to buy the things that would organize her home into the kind that always had a place for everything . Living with Judd , she had accomplished this to some degree . He had helped her to become neater and they could afford to buy the little things that kept them organized . Still much of a slob , she had a hard time putting stuff back . Coming back to reality and now looking for her slippers , Judy yelled the next name on he mental list . " Josh ! " No response from anywhere in the house . The house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop . Searching her memory for the last name she had said out loud , she ran through the list in the order she had gotten used to . Old habits were hard to break . She had a hard time remembering the children 's names so she had to run through the names in a certain order so that she could remember which one she had previously called . Having four boys in the family was tough enough , especially when their names began with the letter " J " . Yelling the last name on the list , she sighed with trepidation . " Justin ! " Judy 's voice echoed in the hallway . It was odd that the children were not home at 5 : 30 in the morning on a Monday . The children were school age , and none of them left the house at this time . On a normal day , they were in the kitchen making themselves breakfast or were taking showers before they left the house . Thinking back to moments ago , Judy tried to recall what had happened after waking from one of the weirdest dreams she had ever had . The dream felt as if she were falling off a cliff . She recalled yelling for her son but could not tell if she had been yelling in the dream or if she had said it out loud . Shortly after yelling his name , she became aware of the blaring alarm clock going off in her ear . With the fog surrounding her dream , she tried to shake the bad dream in which her husband was dead . Leaning over and putting a hand on his shoulder to wake him , she did not feel a stir out of him . Sometimes she could get away with tickling him awake . It usually worked but she thought perhaps he was avoiding her this morning after the disagreement they had last night about the kids . Sitting up in bed , she tried to assess the situation and decided to try again . Enough was enough . It was time to get out of bed and she knew if they dallied long , they would both run out of time . This time , she leaned over and tried to shake him . Shaking did not work either . She started to get worried . " Judd , it 's time to wake up . Come on , let 's go . It 's too early to be playing games . " Not getting a response , she started to panic and pulling herself together for a moment she felt for a pulse at the base of his neck . Not getting a pulse , she thought she was dreaming or had her hand in the wrong spot so she laid her head on his chest and tried to feel his breath . No breath came out of his mouth , not even a shallow one . Turning on the bedside lamp , she looked at his face and tried shaking him again , panic now rising in her throat . He was a lot heavier than she and it was hard turning him over with no help . Looking at his face , she knew he was dead . Jumping off the bed she pulled the covers back . The white silk sheets were covered in dark red blood . Looking for wounds , she inspected the body for any point of leakage . His face did not have a scratch on it and his eyes had been opened as if the incident had happened while awake . Judy did not have any cuts on herself . There was blood on her nightgown , but she had no idea were it had come from . Continuing her yelling for the children , she soon found she was alone . There was no answer from anyone . The hall was quiet . The only sound she could hear was the beating of her heart , which was so loud she could not think . Afraid to check on the children , she continued to call their names but none answered back . She was alone in an empty , dead house . Not knowing what to do next , she feared that not hearing a peep from the children meant that maybe they had met the same fate . Checking on them would be too much of a shock if it turned out that her worst nightmare came true , that they were also dead . It would be too much to know that she was the only one left alive . How could she not hear anyone ? She knew she was a sound sleeper but come on , she told herself . I 'm not totally dead to the world . Of course not , she muttered to herself like some crazy woman , pull yourself together and call 911 . What 's the number ? she asked herself , what 's the number ? she repeated like a mantra . I can 't seem to remember what number I am supposed to dial . How can I not know the number ? I know I have never dialed it but so what , she kept saying to herself as if she were a child . She was numb and in shock and there was only one thought racing through her brain . Where are the children ? Share this : TwitterFacebookEmailPinterestTumblrLike this : Like Loading . . . This entry was posted on February 24 , 2014 , in stories and tagged Murder ? , Romance , Suspense . Leave a comment Feb23 Once upon a time in a land far , far away there lived an old man . He was a man who aged well like a fine wine which gets better with time . He enjoyed playing cards , hiking , riding horses , roller skating ( this had become trickier as the years went by because his body was becoming more fragile , but he still enjoyed the breeze on his face and the freedom it gave him ) , he loved to read and tried his best to take care of himself . He took the time to enjoy something just because it was there to be savored . He liked to call them " little moments " which he wrapped up and put into a little box in his head in which he would take one of them out in moments of solitude to enjoy and remember and laugh . Laughter truly is the best medicine which keeps us young at heart , especially if we can laugh at ourselves . One day as he was out strolling in the hills behind his Black Hills cottage in Germany , he came upon a path he had never seen before . Being the curious man he was , he decided to follow it . The path went for miles surrounded by beautiful scenery like he had never seen . There were a lot of wildflowers that were not native to the hills he was from . They were exotic - looking as if they had come from a hotter climate and that made him all the more curious so he continued on his way . He encountered a variety of different species of animals that were also not native to the land he was from but yet he continued , totally submersed in the beauty surrounding him . Hours went by and the sky began to get dark and yet he continued with no care in the world . After many hours , which seemed like minutes , the old man came by a stream alongside a rocky . terrain . He was sure that the stream which he saw before him connected to the river close to his home because most streams end up in a bigger pool of water . Even though he thought this and there was some doubt about which stream this was , considering he had never seen this one before , he continued walking following the water downstream , mesmerized in the wonder of it all . After a few feet he saw something shiny in the water . He did a double take because his mind had played tricks on him before and he was not certain if it was doing it again . He had once saw a small metal coffee pot in the middle of a field and when he had reached it , the coffee pot was steaming with no electricity to make it so . It had turned out that that particular vision had been a steaming lizard basking in the hot sun when he reached out to touch it . So with great trepidation and curiosity , he glanced again at the water to see if the object was still shining or if it was all in his imagination . Hallucinating is never a good sign of anything . He glanced in the water and sure enough , the object was still shining . He edged closer to the bank and looking around him with a sense of pride and ownership , he reached down to grab the object from its resting place . Pulling it out of the water was pretty difficult because it was attached to a rock and covered in slime which made it slippery in comparison to retrieving a hard - shelled clam from the sand . He managed to grab it and when he lifted it toward his face , he noticed more of what it looked like . It was not as tiny as it had looked underwater . It was about the size of a tangerine with the illusion of being as big as a penny in the ripples of current . the size of it was not the only curious thing because it also had the hardness of a rubber ball and the heaviness of a feather . There were porcupine - looking spines attached to the top of the sphere which retracted when touched . It seemed to have a distinct bottom and top to the object and was clearly noted with the words embossed on it like it was meant for a person of stupidity to find it , instead of a person of smartness . It was very odd that way and it gave off a fierce aura like fireflies glowing in the dark while fighting over a meal enough for one . As I mentioned before , the sky was growing dark and it was getting late , yet in this particular vicinity , it seemed like it was daytime and that time had stood still . Wrapping the object gently in a neatly embroidered handkerchief , he put the object gingerly in his coat pocket and continued following the stream toward home . A week later , comfortable in his tiny little cottage , he got out of bed and proceeded with his new daily routine . All of the days following the arrival of the sphere to his home , he had managed to do things he had always put off . He was such a procrastinator , one of the worst in his village . He started to exercise daily doing yoga and tai chi and of course , lots and lots of sit ups which were now starting to show on his body . A body of youth , wow , he thought , what else will become of this . Ever since that sphere has been in this house , things have been different and I 'm not only referring to the physical appearance of my body but also of my mind which seems to have gotten a sudden burst for knowledge that I can 't seem to quench . My brain has gotten sharper and less foggy . I get out of bed with more determination and steadfastness than ever before . The sphere is like a drug which I can 't seem to get enough of and yet it satisfies my desires . I have to tell my friends about this . No one is going to believe what I have found . The days continued to fly by and the old man swallowed everything around him . There were days of exploring the countryside and shopping in the neighboring towns and villages . There was traveling to do and lying around contentedly on a hammock reading his favorite stories over and over and stories he had never read before . The days melted into each other and the old man thought of no one else . He continued to gain pleasure from physical things and he bought more material items than one could count . He thoroughly enjoyed himself . Whatever he imagined seemed to come true and came very easily for him . He had no more pain , no more sorrow , no more thinking . He acted like a child with no care in the world and no bills to pay either . Some way , unbeknownst to him , money appeared out of no where . He had no trouble acquiring it and he used it like it was going out of style with absolutely no worries about where it came from . He did not care what happened to that part of the equation . It was like the sphere took the form of a rich benefactor . His account was always full and he was always busy giving no thought to where the days ended or began . He forgot about his friends and others around him as he set out to satisfy himself and his needs . Selfishness became his motto and way of life . Months later when he realized he had to share his " gift " , he set out for the company of his best friend . His friend who lived about twenty minutes down the hill . Setting out the door , he made sure that the object of his desire was with him and that he had everything he would need to explain the benefits of owning this sphere . No other name could describe it . The walk seemed to take forever . Time did not want to cooperate today . The steps seemed to be closer together as if his feet were dreading the news . It seemed as if his feet or time knew the news he was bringing would not go over well , but yet he continued determined to spread the word . He passed fields and fields of color . It was that time of year when the fields came alive with colored wheat stocks waving in the breeze . The colors passing each other like waves in an ocean , one on top of each other . The flowers he passed seemed to bend in recognition but he chalked this up to his imagination which seemed to be sharper and more abundant than ever . Each step seemed like an eternity and yet they brought him closer to his friend and closer to the truth . Finally his feet landed on his friends ' doorstep and he knocked , looking around him suspiciously as the noise resounded in the house . Hearing footsteps on the wooden floor an a rustle of fabric as his friend pulled back the curtain over the door , he waited patiently for it to open . His friend hesitatingly opened the door because the look on his friends ' face was of pure peacefulness and he had not seen this in him in a long time . It was an odd feeling but a curious one because people are drawn to looks of peacefulness and the curiosity of how such a look could permeate his friend so much was one he could not resist . His curiosity got the better of him and his friend crossed the threshold . Curiosity killed the cat , or so the saying goes . Glancing around the house one could see the furniture was eighteenth century French provincial . Each room seemed to have a style of its own and yet they all seemed to belong together like one big happy family . The old man was offered a seat in the living room and he made himself comfortable on the couch . Sitting here once again brought back a lot of feelings of happiness which they had shared over the years . Memories of cooking in the kitchen using recipes passed down from one generation to the next , often verbally by an elder . Such laughter and gaiety filled the room as their attempt often did not compare to the original recipe or the elder present . Sometimes the translation did not translate correctly thus producing hideous results . One time they attempted to make American dinner rolls but instead the translation got messed up and they used baking soda instead of baking powder . The rolls looked beautiful on the outside but one bite into them and they were in the garbage across the room faster than a cat can wink his eye . There were other memories over the years , which showed they had been really close friends . One could say that both of them had had a full life . They grew up together and went to the same schools year after year sharing secrets , friends , girlfriends , clothes and each others ' study notes . Their friendship had its falling out periods but they continued to see each other through life 's wonders and heartaches . Their wives had long been buried and their children grown so the only thing these two had lately were each other . It had been a long time , maybe as long as a year since they had broke bread together . It seemed that the months between visits had created a rift between them which was too big to mend . Life had suddenly gotten busy . Sitting down on the soft , warm couch had significant meaning . It was as if a load had been lifted off of their shoulders and the months of not seeing each other had never been . It was as if time had stood still and then had picked up where they had left off . Their memories had come down between them to fill in the void . Memories of laughter and parties , cooking together , playing as children with no care in the world . Sights of their children playing on the floor and their wives passing looks between themselves at the sight of their husbands having a dispute over chess or a game of paper battleship . A show of times not soon forgotten but pushed aside when times got busy . Pulling courage from the air , the old man took the sphere gingerly out of his pocket , carefully freeing it from the neatly embroidered handkerchief , he placed it on the table between them . The sphere stood out like an ugly duckling in a lake of beautiful swans . It still glowed , unchanged from the day it was found . The aura filled the room and seemed to outshine the sun which was coming in through the windows . Both of them stared at the object and the peacefulness on the old man 's face did not seem to dim . His eyes , however , gave off a weird hypnotic stare that no one else would have noticed except for his best friend who had known him all of his life . He was fascinated but yet repelled by fear of the object that seemed to have control over his friend . The old man did not seem to be feverish or psychotic but the impression that was given was more of hypnotic suggestion , perhaps , of being under some spell that was totally unexplainable but was there just the same . He still talked of the old days using the same voice he often spoke with , he seemed to have an excellent memory recall which was odd for his age . It seemed as though his recollection of events was clearer because of the object in front of them . He seemed to be younger and more virile and yet there was something haunting about the look in his eye , as though he only lived for the object and had no other desire to live for anything else or anyone else . It seemed as if the hours slowly ticked by as the sun dropped from the sky and the old man talked endlessly and tirelessly catching up with his old friend . Telling him of the path he had not been aware of and the vicinity of where he had found this most amazing sphere . He felt as if his friend were not exactly accepting of this new way of life , of the adventures they could now have , of being together forever and forever feeling younger , younger of mind and soul . The sphere did not change the aging process only the mind of the one it possessed . Time did not seem to matter to him for he had plenty now and it wSitting there on the couch waiting for his friend to say something , the air was filled with a current of electricity . It was so thick that you could not tell if the electricity was coming from them or the sphere . One could see the electricity in the air as the two of them sat together and yet they sat apart with the sphere dividing them , dividing their friendship , dividing their world . The electrical charges in the air started to change color from blue to green in a half hours ' time as the clock ticked slowly and loudly . As time marched on , the room started to get hotter , even though the sun was going down and the air outside had started to cool off . The temperature in the room had started out as a cool 60 degrees but had warmed up slightly when the sun was shining through the windows . The temperature had remained constant until two hours later and by that time it had risen to 90 degrees . The two men were still mesmerized by the sphere on the table and to look at them one would think they had not moved an inch yet they were stripped down to their underwear . Only one of them was still talking with the old man trying to convince his friend that he should join him and become one with the sphere . The sphere was harmless and the change did not hurt a bit when it took over the mind and spirit . For months , the only thing the sphere seemed to do was encourage the old man to stop procrastinating , to live in the moment , to dream , to do what seemed impossible but really wasn 't . The sphere was his friend and as such it did not control him , possess him , or harm him in any way . It made him young , both in spirit and in mind . He was living his dreams . Doing what he could only imagine . It was not the sphere controlling his destiny . The sphere encouraged him and the " change " the sphere took on was in changing the person 's attitude toward Life and the things that really mattered . The old man was in control , no more hallucinations , no more talking , what 's it going to take to convince my friend to join me , to join us , to And then out of nowhere , as if reading his friends ' mind , the old man said loudly over the din of electricity above their heads , " You know , sometimes we all need something to get us moving . Why is it that sometimes , we need something other than ourselves to jump start our life ? Why can 't we do it alone ? What type of species does that make us when we can 't seem to find the time or the motivation to be ourselves , to live our own dreams , to use our own desires to do what we want ? Why is it that in every relationship we have , we either find the beauty in it or the bad ? Why is it that sometimes the people we meet touch our lives in ways which are totally unknown to us and yet it often takes the rest of our lives to figure out what they have given us , even if they were only in our lives for a moment ? " Because " , his friend said , " We are human . We need each other whether we want to admit it or not . The sphere may be only a tool . A tool to help us remember the times that brought us closer together or maybe it is a tool to kick us in the butts to live the lives that were given to us , to make good choices instead of bad ones or to live our lives to the best of our abilities . " " Well " , said his friend , " How long have you been this way ? The sphere had made the old man young , both in spirit and in mind . He was living his dreams . Doing what he could only imagine . It was not the sphere controlling his destiny . The sphere encouraged him , and the " change " the sphere took on was in changing a person 's attitude toward Life and the things that really mattered . The old man was in control , no more hallucinations , no more going senile , no more doing things he never wanted to do . Gee whiz , he thought , after hours of talking , what 's it going to take to convince my friend to join me , to join us , to spread the word and warmth of the sphere ? Doing whatever I imagine is wonderful and exciting . Just when you think you have Life figured out , something comes along and kicks you in the pants . Maybe the sphere was a figment of the old man 's imagination just like the dreams we have been having ever since the day we were born . Are we a figment of our imagination or of someone elses ' ? Do we really exist ? It it safer to live in a fantasy world than it is in the real life where relationships , accidents , murders really happen ? If you can answer these questions , then you are by far a wiser person . The hours tick by as the old man and his friend sit and wait for answers . Recent Comments Mr WordPress on Hello world ! Janice Pridgen19 Meadow CT Bellingham WA juicyjpark5 @ yahoo . com136071485188 - 4pm 5 : 30pm - 7pm A Journey Called Life . . . 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A new medication for sleeping has done wonders for me . Instead of needing and getting 12 to 14 hours of sleep almost every day , I now get up after only 7 hours and feel pretty perky . All my other meds are the same and seem to be working really well for the most part . I think the weather helps too . I 'm not isolating myself so much as I was a few short weeks ago . I love my yard ; the sun sucks all the dreary winter from my body and brings the summer into my soul . We found a cute baby kitty that we were going to adopt and kept him in the house with us for a few days until we could get him to the Humane Society to have him checked out and neutered . He got out just before one of the most weirdest storms I 've ever been through happened . Snow with lightning and high damaging winds . Then he never came back . I still grieve for him . He was so lovable and sweet . The end of May marked the first anniversary of the death of my dad . I still have the image of him taking his last breath as my sister and I clutched his hands , crying , and telling him to go . It was okay to go . I should have left right away so I wouldn 't have had to see his empty , thin body lying there . I can 't forget it . I still remember my mom as she looked after her death too . I dream of them so much . His birthday was 2 days after his death as well . It was hard this year as I 'm sure it will be every year . It 's funny when I dream of my dad because , in my dreams , apparently his death was all a big mistake and he isn 't really dead and is still alive . What makes it better , though , is in between the anniversary of my dad 's death and his birthday my youngest granddaughter had her first birthday . I remember the joy I felt when she was born in spite of the sad , dark time of a year ago . This year was no different , really . She is cute as can be and I love both of my grandgirls to bits . Such bright and wonderful children who give me so much joy . My daughter turned 18 in March and is almost 30 . Yeah . But she 's really doing great . Doing fantastic in school , winning 2 awards and made the honour roll ! So proud of that girl . I also met a man . I decided to give up on the " bad boys " after reading several articles written by nice men who never seem to get a chance . I also read some blog posts and comments from them where women have been stuck with the bad boys just like I was . And they just didn 't get it either . So … I 'm giving one a chance . It 's only been a few weeks but holy moly … wow . He treats me like a queen , takes me for dinners , lunches and breakfasts . He lent me his truck for 4 days ( which my kids thought was really weird ) . I have had to stop him from spending so much money on me . If he had his way he would lavish me with gifts . He wants to find me a car . He wants to buy me clothes . I said no . I keep saying no . He really wants me to be happy and expects a commitment in the future . THAT I 've never heard before . It 's been all disconcerting as I have not met anyone like him . He loves how I look . He 's beyond eager to meet my kids . He wants to be with me all the time and I had to tell him I needed space to breathe and learn about myself in this new role . It was a battle at first , only because of his own insecurities I think . I notice he really doesn 't have that many of those so far . He lives out - of - town on a beautiful 4 acre lot with an apple orchard and all the toys near a beautiful lake . I 've stayed there a few times and love the privacy , the birds and the sun on beautiful days . I had a surprise graduation party for my son , his wife and my daughter on Sunday because they are all graduating . My son got his GED back in the fall , my daughter - in - law went to night school to finish her high school and , of course , my daughter graduates high school in June . My fella paid for all the food and drove me around everywhere to find supplies and presents . He wanted to come to the party to do the cooking but I held him off as we had only been together for such a short time . I just felt it was too soon . He smiles all the time . And that 's important to me . We like and love so many of the same things and every time we discover something new it 's such a surprise . He wants to make sure I 'm not stuck inside and plans outings all the time . He missed me yesterday and drove the hour drive and showed up at 4 in the afternoon with Chinese food for supper . To think I was fighting this . Neither of us could really understand my reasoning . I do though , of course . All those failed relationships , all the heartache and all the work invested and lessons learned . He doesn 't want me to lump him into the same category as those guys . He 's assured me he 's different . I 'm starting to believe it . His health isn 't very good at this time but we both hope for improvements . I must tell you all , right off the bat , that I know I haven 't written anything for several weeks . I really feel bad about it because I know it helps me get through a lot . I 've put my volunteer work on hold for this month because of the extreme anxiety I 'm feeling about my health and the crazy developments with my father 's estate and , as such , the state of my family life . The stresses have really gotten to me where I am , once again , staying away from the outside world most of the time and hiding in my online games . So boring I know . I do go to my appointments and have made more effort into cooking some meals the last few days than relying on junk food . It helps that Carly is home to eat . After messing up the last 2 appointments booked with my new mental health worker we finally met each other for the second time . It all went well until she asked me how my typical day goes . I was quite embarrassed about it until I remembered that I do get up early twice a week for when my granddaughter comes over for the day . ( So fun to be with her … two years old and so cute and full of goof ) . She asked me what my stresses are and I told her about the above mentioned in more detail . It was a pretty substantial list but mostly I have such fast and negative thoughts . Then I was to go over the positive things in my life which were fewer but still easy to come up with ; kids , boyfriend , and my finances are a little better . I was also to tell her about what I do to help the with stress . Again the list was small but at the end of the meeting she said that column would eventually be full and she could see how low my self - worth and self - esteem were and she has the tools to work on those negative thoughts . It 's been mind - numbing during the day and my sleep is filled with monsters and fear . Restful sleep is really not a part of my nights . It 's mostly 3 or 4 in the morning when my brain will finally shut down and my eyes slam shut for anywhere from 5 to 12 hours of sleep . I slept a day away a few weeks ago with a total of 19 hours . Crazy . My fella and I were finally getting to have some time together and were going out for supper except I kinda and sorta forgot about the going out part only because it was later than I thought we would be going . He called and said he was here and I had just got out of the shower and was dripping wet , naked and just figured , no problem , I 'll just throw something on and let him into my building like I usually do . I went to the front door , where he usually waits , then the back door but no fella . I was quite confused . I called him and asked him where the heck was he and he said at the front in the # 1 parking space . So , after wandering around the hallway in my nightie for another couple of minutes it dawned on me about the going out part . What to wear ? I felt all hot and sweaty after all that running around so I put on a tank top and jeans and put hair products in my very wet hair and ran out the door . He asked me if I wanted to go to a fancy restaurant but I told him I wasn 't really dressed for one ( that 's for sure ! ) so he suggested a favourite pizza joint we both like . It was very crowded and we were waiting for a table when I noticed someone eating at a table nearby who doesn 't like me too much and the feelings are quite mutual . I hid behind my fella after warning him . He was worried about a cat fight or me being so uncomfortable that we should go . I told him not to worry , I have big ovaries and can take it but could he please buy me a glass of wine tonight ? Absolutely , he said . So all the tables were full except for one right beside this person and a whole bunch of reserved ones . The owner of the restaurant told us to sit in the reserved section for now until a booth became available . " Don 't you guys leave , " she said . Whew . We sat in the reserved section ( getting the stinky eye from THAT table ) until a group of volleyball players started to arrive . It was then I noticed how hot my feet were as I listened to my fella regale me with his own restaurant stories . I tried to remember which shoes I put on when , to my horror , I looked down at my feet and saw … . My fella had me howling with laughter when I confessed to my slipper shuffle . He does that all the time . He said he was going to get me a hospital gown to go with my slippers for next time we go out so I can really look the part . It was then I remembered what I told my worker about the fear I had that people looked at me funny and man … I was laughing so hard . We both were . I had to put a little extra shuffle in my step for the rest of the night and the code word was " slippers " to make me start laughing all over again . Supper was great . At the end when my fella was paying the bill I asked the owner how her trip to Greece went . She told us that she went there to find all her old boyfriends so she could fuck them since she was too young to do that when she lived there as a young girl . She didn 't find any . It was great to get out . It did me a world of good . I 'm so looking forward to Thanksgiving with my sister 's family and my group . There we were , two of the most anxious females I know , going to a strange city by Greyhound . Whatever gave me the idea that this was a GOOD idea ? Well mainly it was because Carly and I were going to spend some good quality time together . My son was driving us to the bus depot and I was feeling pretty calm until we were almost there . Then my mind started racing with questions . What do we do ? Where do we go ? We started off doing what we thought was the right thing . We went to the counter at the depot and told the guy ( who turned out to be our driver ) that we were going to Edmonton and what do we do ? He looked at our tickets and , very kindly , told us we would be departing at Gate 1 at 6 : 45 . We found seats nearby and waited impatiently . It got later and later and Carly was coming up with more and more dire scenarios ( What if we don 't sit together ? Why did I have to read about Tim McLean ? What if people smell bad ? ) then finally we saw the bus arrive and security being set up . We were about 5th in line and finally got to the security table when we noticed we were the only ones without any tags on our luggage . Now , remember , we did go to the counter and no one said anything about tags . We had to go back to the nice man and tell him we needed them . There was a lineup there too and only 2 people on duty . One staff member was being held up by a guy who was trying to say his 3 bags were all carry - on 's and the bag that weighs 100 lbs . is free . That was not true and vigorous arguments ensued . We finally got to the nice man and he apologized for his mistake and even let me take my heavy carry - on with me . By this time there was no line at security . The thing about the motor coach I noticed the most was the smells that made their way to me throughout the trip to Edmonton . The first half hour I smelled vomit . The guy across the aisle kept belching really loud and they were quite stinky too . As were his farts . Then I thought everyone was drinking on the bus because someone would walk by me and I would smell alcohol . Turns out it was the hand sanitizer from the bathroom . Good for them for being so clean . At least I knew they washed their hands after they did their business . The smell that started half way there and never really went away came from a cup of coffee that a woman behind me spilled which proceeded to go downhill where Carly 's backpack was directly in its path . Carly was already so stressed out at this point she went over the edge for a bit . She cried over her Vans backpack and her new toiletries bag inside , now reeking of and dripping with coffee . The lady felt so bad and mopped up everything with toilet paper . Then there wasn 't any TP for the bathroom . Finally the driver found some . Whew . My legs and feet swelled up so much it was ridiculous . I have a history of blood clots and made sure I walked around whenever we had a stop . My feet hurt so much throughout the trip . The swelling never really went away . When we got there , after 18 hours on the bus and with barely any sleep , we still went shopping . I could barely walk and would send Carly into a store while I would find a bench to sit on and rest . I had to buy a sweater because it wasn 't summer in Edmonton . Fall weather had hit and I was in shorts and tank tops . I was miserly with money and was so glad to find a pretty good one for only $ 10 . Carly must have spent over $ 300 the first day . Her money not mine . I slept so good that night and was out like a light before 9 pm . I loved the pillows . Our hotel was nicer than I expected . I used booking . com and found a pretty good deal . I give it 3 - 4 stars . We hit so many stores . There were so many people , especially on Saturday . It was almost impossible to get through some of the aisles as they were clogged with crazy shoppers . Friday was my birthday and another day of shopping was planned . I got some great deals just telling people it was my birthday . My new fella had given me a card with strict instructions not to open it until my birthday and I actually obeyed . It was one of the first things I did when I woke up . Open it I mean . Lo and behold it had money in it ! With more strict orders ( he seems to be a little bossy ) to spend it frivolously on myself . So I bought Body Shop stuff , which I never buy because it 's too expensive . Because it was my birthday I got free hand lotion thrown in . Carly spoiled me rotten on my birthday . She paid for all the meals and cabs and bought me a beautiful forever scarf which was handy on the way home in the air - conditioned bus . She paid for more than half the food on the trip and half the cab fares . Almost every time I looked at her she had her bank card out . She was so patient with me and my sore feet , as long as she knew where I was . Thank goodness for texting and cell phones . I noticed a lot of things that makes Edmonton different from Winnipeg , besides the mall . The noise is unbelievable and overwhelming . We had to shout to each other most of the time at the mall . Everybody goes really fast there too . Cars and people . Some of the fashions I saw I haven 't seen here , at least not yet . AND I didn 't see one butt crack when people were sitting down . In Winnipeg you can count on seeing several in any food court , on the bus or even just walking around . I didn 't see one and that made me happy . Leaving Edmonton was very different then leaving Winnipeg . For one thing there was absolutely no security check done . This caused a whole new round of anxiety for Carly as now anyone could have a knife or a gun and cut off our heads . No one did but even so the trip home was a nightmare . For 20 hours we listened to a baby either screaming with misery or laughter , depending on her mood . At least I had to listen , Carly had her iPod so she plugged into her music world and drowned it all out . The baby rarely stopped and it was horrible . When she did stop another would start . There were 8 children on that bus under the age of 5 . One mom had 4 . Another mom had 2 and one of hers was the devil child who kept screaming . This mom who had 4 children with her was amazing . We were about to leave Edmonton when a man came running onto the bus looking for seats he said . There weren 't that many , it was pretty full . The driver announced that a family of 5 was coming on board at the last - minute and to be patient . No problem . Out the doorway I could see this tiny woman , maybe about 25 years old and 4 kids , ranging in age from 8 to 18 months , all holding something ; pillows , blankets , books , bags of food . They climbed on then the driver made ANOTHER announcement that these people had reserved seats so a lot of people had to shuffle around . The dad then ran off the bus , yelling " love you kids ! " and he was a blur going back into the depot . The little family was in the back and we didn 't hear a peep out of them . We had a layover in Saskatchewan and these kids totally entertained me . They danced and sang and giggled and climbed and ran and hid . All the while , their mother was calm , laughing along with them , getting them to settle down for only minutes at a time and not worrying too much when they started up again . She spoke to them patiently and kindly and I could tell she does this all the time by the way the kids treated each other ; the same . She met my eyes and laughed telling me they only had 3 hours of sleep so they were really goofy . I told her , " My dad used to say , It 's better than crying " . She laughed more . I could hear a little hysteria in it though . She was so great . She would crouch on the floor with them , rocking the youngest against her chest while talking softly to the others and feeding them apples and grapes . How she could hold that position for so long boggled my mind . ( Carly hates my people watching . She thinks I 'm nosy . What the heck else would I write about if I didn 't watch other people and what makes them do what they do ? ) Meanwhile the other screaming kid was still screaming with the mom begging her not to cry . The dad did nothing ; he just looked mad . I know the child was tired and they were on a long trip but it was really hard to take by hour 15 of the 20 hour trip . By the time we got home , I wanted to kiss the ground . We had a delay before we left Alberta . A young woman was hanging out with some of the younger guys on the bus , taking smoke breaks with them , etc . These young men always smelled like pot ( SECURITY ! ) . Anyway , we made a quick stop in a small town and I walked by her where she was commenting to some of the other women ( who also smoked ) with some concern about how she was swelling up . I wanted to show her my own feet but didn 't dare scare her . We all got back on the bus and started off again when she left her seat and went to talk to the driver . He turned around and took her to the hospital . According to the guys she hung with , she had taken opiates and then one of the guys gave her something else which didn 't react well with her . We had to leave her there in the middle of nowhere , hopefully in good care . I totally had a good time although in pain . Tylenol Arthritis was my best friend . I 'm pretty proud of myself but not totally surprised I could do it . I had to be a good mom to Carly , who was anxious a lot of the time and keep her calm from her day - mares . Never mind the hundreds of people or the guy who wanted to give me a makeover and wouldn 't give up , even when he saw me later and practically chased me . I handled it . I did good . It 's taking me a few days to recover from the overload and the swelling but I 'm just about there . I 'm still not sure about social situations though . This was very impersonal as I didn 't have to interact with many people . Just doing this trip and knowing , even if I am anxious about it , I can breathe through it and continue on . I don 't know what the future holds but it sure looks good from here . Going into big crowds like that was amazing and overwhelming at the same time . We kept it simple ; using cabs to get to the mall and back . We didn 't do any sightseeing at all . The fear of getting lost is still too strong . I 'm about to test the strengths I 've learned these last few weeks / months / years . I 've planned a great adventure with my daughter which is totally out of my comfort zone . One that will include a Greyhound bus full of strangers , bad food and poor sleep . And then … We will be shopping pretty much non - stop for 3 days then head home again . Well , the girl will be shopping with her money , I will be the one behind her carrying her many purchases and stressing over how to save a nickel ( could we have popcorn for supper ? I really don 't want those shoes . Yes I do . No I don 't . ) . Does this trip fill me with anxiety ? Oh yes , you bet it does . As a matter of fact today I had to drive to the airport where the bus depot is to purchase tickets and I felt so much panic as soon as I couldn 't see downtown anymore . Will I get lost ? Will my bank card not work ? Maybe I don 't have any money . Will my heart decide to stop beating ? Will there be an accident while I 'm driving my son 's van ? Watch out for that old lady ! ! ! ! The original plan was for me to rent a car to get to Edmonton . This wouldn 't work out because I don 't have a credit card and also because I would have to sell my body 541 , 000 times just to get the $ 1 , 000 I would need . So Greyhound it is . I 'm relieved I 'm not driving the 15 hour trip . I would really be scared of getting lost among other things too many to list here . I 've watched way too many movies where a car breaks down and weird - looking strangers make sure the passengers are never seen again . The mom always gets killed first . The huge , incredible " mall " . This is bigger than anything in my city . There aren 't just stores ; there are amusement parks and restaurants and lots and lots of people . Lots of them . I want to do this though because this is the last year my last child is a child . Next summer she will be an adult and making her own trips with her friends . This way I get her all to myself for a few days with no computer in my face . I 'm really looking forward to it in spite of the gnawing in my stomach . After all , I made it out of the bus station with a few wrong turns on the way back but made it home , unscathed , just the same . I always thought the teacher who influenced me most in my life was my junior high math teacher , Mr . Burns . I had to learn algebra and I didn 't even know my times tables so I was a real pain in the ass . He was so patient and kind and always offered to help me outside of class . I know between the two of us there were mountains of frustration . He was definitely a good influence and helped me enough to know algebra for at least the 5 minutes at a time I needed to pass his classes . That 's how long it stayed with me after I left there too . High school math was just a lost cause . We don 't talk about that at all . Mr . Burns ' left arm was deformed and totally useless and I remember it would just hang there or he would simply toss it or swing aside if it got in his way . The other kids used to make fun of him at first until they could see he had heard it all before and could care less what was said about him . He had a tough skin that one did . He was smart and didn 't talk down to the kids . Then there was nothing but respect from everyone . It was my first time respecting a teacher too . He was a really good teacher but I still don 't know my times tables . The teacher who did influence me and my life the most was Harry ( Hersh ) Zetner who was first my anthropology teacher and then my English teacher in high school . At that time I really didn 't know anything about the world , certainly nothing like what Mr . Zetner taught me . Mr . Zetner was Jewish and lost a great deal of his family in the Holocaust . I never knew there was racism and hatred in the world like that until his classes . Or anything so horrible as the Holocaust . It was unbelievable but I believed it . My eyes were opened so wide I could never close them again . The books we read , the films we saw never left me . I think there was only one or two Jewish girls that I knew of in my classes and in my friend circle but I never knew they were until Mr . Zetner called upon one of them to talk about some of her family history . I was fascinated with her after that . It would never have occurred to me that anyone was different from anyone else I guess . My parents would be into the stereotypes of different races and cultures and I don 't even want to write down what those were here . They , of course , learned it from their parents and so on . I was truly fortunate that it didn 't rub off on me which is so surprising . I found myself , as an adult , correcting them quite often about labeling people and trying to get them to see people as individuals . They always looked so surprised there could be any other way to look at things . How the heck did I turn out this way ? Don 't get me wrong . My parents were kind and tolerant people and very simple folk is the only way to describe them . Anyway , Mr . Zetner died in 2002 and I re - read his obituary today . I found out more about the man then I knew before and I never doubted he would do more wonderful things after I left the school . After he became ill and could no longer teach , he spent his time going to schools talking to children and teens about the Holocaust and how it could easily happen again . I think he opened a lot of other eyes . We need more people like him . He was a truly sincere and hard - working teacher that taught me a lot about life and its cruelties but also that there are good souls out there leading the rest of the world to a better way of thinking . I learned there can always be another way . He is one reason why I 'm so interested in how the mind works and where people came from and where do we go from here . And just , again … why ? I admire him because he took something he had a passion for and knowledge of and made it his life 's work to educate the world as much as possible . He wanted to end the stigma . This is what I want to do about mental illness . I think it might be something for me to look at in the future and I very well think I could do it . I have an appointment , finally , with the Canadian Mental Health Association 's intake worker , after 6 months of being on their waiting list . They are going to get me more organized and help me get back to work . Or maybe speaking too ? I don 't know but it 's on my list . I 've been reading some of the posts on my blog and have been learning a lot about myself . There 's a little button I push that says " Random Post " and I click on it and get a different one every time . Some of them are just hilarious and I 'm so surprised with my sense of humour and how " on " I can be , even during difficult times . There are posts where I can see how far the progress my thought process has become and the circle upon circles I 've lived and survived within my world . So even though I think I might be falling behind I can see I 'm progressing and learning just like I should . Some of my favourites aren 't necessarily the post itself , but the comments I 've received . So supportive , kind and so giving , They mean the world to me . These are people who take the time out to express what my writing means to them . Two posts that stand out , because they were written during one of the most awful times in my life are here and here . Reading them again has really showed me how far I 've come ; the realization and seeing the journey of accepting myself with bipolar is really happening . The comments in both are what helped to keep me going . I thought I would write a follow - up to my last post after meeting with Dr . G . He agreed with me about the diagnosis of social anxiety disorder and we discussed how we 've been working on my recovery all along . The key has been , and continues to be , developing my confidence to a level where I can go out into the world without the fears ( or have lesser ones ) , of being judged or ridiculed . It will be a relief to not have the feelings of " Oh my god , what did I do ? I look like an idiot . " " What did I say ? No one will ever want to be around me ! " It would mean being free ! Having a life ! Yay ! Dr . G also talked about my blogging and how amazing it is that I feel very little discomfort writing about my private life for the public to read . I told him that these were faceless people except for a very few who do know me quite well and I already trust them not to think badly of me for what I reveal . They can ask me questions and I 'm quite comfortable answering . He said it 's one of the best therapies for me . I think he 's right . My interactions with my kids still have to change though . I noticed I was isolating myself from my daughter 's feelings and her life again . She 's still getting over the breakup with her boyfriend and some days are just still so hard for her . She was hiding and I was retreating somewhere too , not knowing what to do and not knowing that this was what was happening , until the other night when it hit me hard in the gut ( especially # 1 ) : How would I feel if she did something to hurt herself or worse ? I know I would easily blame myself and believe I would have every right to do so . Dr . G disagrees about that as he believes that 's the social anxiety talking . After 5 years of knowing me , he said , he knows I have a tendency to blame myself for all that goes wrong . But I am her mom . She needs me to be her mother , not her friend . A mother who can provide good advice , not be pushy and make sure she has unconditional love always as long as I live . That 's easy . I 'm not to put all the pressure on myself to be perfect as a parent . I can always improve though and will make sure I do . Trying to be 2 parents at once for her isn 't easy . My son has talked to me a few times now about how worried he is about me , my bipolar and my future . I 've tried to explain to him about how I 'm taking baby steps to get back to a life that will be more fulfilling , less stressful and , hopefully , one I can be proud of . It will take time for him to understand and he 's young , rather set in his ways and doesn 't really " believe " in depression or in bipolar treatments . I know its hard for him to understand that his mom is sick and has to use therapeutic medications probably for the rest of her life . He might finally realize that it 's not all about taking the drugs and " masking the symptoms " , I 'm also getting extraordinary therapy from my doctor . I assured him Dr . G keeps track of my kidney and liver functions . This seemed to calm him down the last time he expressed his concern . This has been a busy week for me with something to do almost everyday . I 'm actually sleepy at 7 pm ! I have to stay awake , though , as Carly has gone out with friends and I have to wait up for her . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Karen Jo : I shut Emma up in her room tonight . She has to go to the vet again tomorrow and the vet lady wants a stool sample . The only way to make sure that the stool sample is Emma 's and not yours was to clean out the litter box , then shut Emma up in her room overnight . She 's not happy about it , but it has to be done . That was really something . When I came to bed , Emma was curled up by Mom 's face . I stayed toward the end of the bed , where Mom could barely reach me to scritch my chin , because sometimes Emma hisses at me when I come to bed . Emma just kept purring , so I crept a little closer where Mom could pet my side . When Emma still didn 't hiss at me , I figured everything was okay , so I snuggled up to Mom and turned on my back , so Mom could pet my chest the way I really like . All of a sudden , Emma let out a yell and attacked me . She didn 't hurt me , but it really startled me and I retreated to the foot of the bed . Karen Jo : It caught me by surprise as well . One second Emma is purring in my ear and the next she is flying at Herman in full attack mode . It only lasted a second . Herman retreated to the foot of the bed and Emma jumped over to the rocking chair . I scolded Emma and comforted Herman , but Herman decided that it wasn 't worth the aggravation and he jumped off the bed and went to the living room . I tried to go to sleep . A little while later , I heard Emma growling softly . She was still in the rocking chair and Herman was on the floor , thinking about jumping back on the bed . I told Emma to knock it off and she did , but it was a while before Herman joined me in bed and even then he stayed near the foot of the bed . Come morning , Herman had crept up behind my legs and I gave him some morning petting . Emma was still in the rocking chair . I had no idea she was that jealous of Herman . This is one of Emma 's favorite spots . She is lying on a bookshelf just under the window . She can relax and still see outside . She spends quite a bit of time lying here or sitting up and looking out the window . It 's probably just a matter of time . I want everyone to know that I am feeling great . Emma and I are starting to play together . I chase her all over . One fun game is that she runs around the living room on the furniture and I chase after her on the floor . When she runs out of furniture we have a little boxing match , then she turns around and runs the other way . I have gotten into pounce position watching her a few times , but I haven 't pounced her yet . As for her being faster than I am , hah ! I showed her tonight that I can catch her whenever I want . I didn 't even touch her . I just caught up with her and showed her how fast I can be . That 's right . I have started guarding my Medley dish . At lunch time Mom put down my Medley right in front of me and I started eating it . Emma watched . Then Mom put down some really good Stinky Goodness . I leaned over and started eating that , without moving from in front of my Medley dish . Emma just sat there and cried . Karen Jo : I gave her a dish of Stinky Goodness in her room , as usual . It took her a little longer than I expected to catch on to what I was doing . She didn 't realize that food was being served in her room until she heard me filling up her Kitten Chow . Tonight I was nicer . I just ate my Medley and let Emma eat the Stinky Goodness . Mom has showed me that I can eat Emma 's Stinky Goodness , if she eats all of mine and I want hers . Mom says that the ravens are mad at us . Mom gives them any left over Stinky Goodness . There isn 't much left over any more , just a few crumbs sometimes . Mom hardly ever gives me treats any more . She doesn 't give me my cheese snack any more , either . I haven 't been bugging her about it . Chasing Emma is lots more fun than asking for treats . Sorry we haven 't been around lately . Mom got sick on Tuesday and hasn 't felt up to blogging until tonight . Emma and I both lapped up all the extra cuddle time in bed . Emma is all over the house now . Nothing is safe from her . She has been eating my food regularly and here she is hogging the catnip . Karen Jo : I put catnip on Herman 's scratcher in the living room and the Turbo Scratcher in Emma 's room . Emma pounced right on it . Herman got really close and there was a flurry of paws from both of them . Emma retained possession of the catnip as long as she wanted it . When she got up from sniffing and rolling in the nip to get something to eat , I expected Herman to go after the nip , but he didn 't . He just lay there next to it for a long time . Karen Jo : Emma has been using her speed to her advantage . It didn 't take her long at all to learn the food routine in the kitchen . Having discovered Herman 's buffet and connecting the opening of the refrigerator with new food appearing , she has been beating him to the canned food regularly . Today at lunch time , she beat Herman to his Medley and he just sat there and watched her eat it . I put the Stinky Goodness right in front of Herman , but he still just sat there and watched Emma eat his Medley . When I got back from putting out Emma 's Stinky Goodness , most of the Medley was gone and Emma was going to town on Herman 's Stinky Goodness . After she was done , Herman just looked at the damage , then looked at me and meowed sadly . I picked him up , took him down the hall and showed him Emma 's Stinky Goodness , which he ate part of . When I got home from work , both cats came into the kitchen and Emma started eating some of Herman 's Purina One . I told them that it was supper time and picked up Herman 's Medley dish to wash it . Herman left the kitchen , which is highly unusual . I found him sitting in the hall with his back to me . I walked up to him , but he walked a few more steps down the hall and sat down with his back to me again . I petted him and told him what a good boy he was and that he was my favorite mancat . He followed me back to the kitchen and took up his usual position , right in front of where the Medley dish goes . I put the Medley down right in front of him and he started eating . This time Emma just sat and watched . I washed up and filled the Stinky Goodness dish and Emma dove right into that . They ate side by side for the first time . I hope this means Herman will start sticking up for himself a bit more . He has been deferring to Emma in everything . Both the Medley and Stinky Goodness dishes get licked almost completely clean every meal now . I think Emma is eating more of it than Herman . Herman : I like Emma and I don 't mind letting her have her way most of the time . She has almost stopped hissing at me . She keeps stealing my favorite spot next to Mom at bedtime , though . Mom will make every effort to reach me wherever I lie down , but sometimes I get up and move away . Once in a while , I will even get up while Mom is petting me and jump down from the bed to find someplace else to sleep . Karen Jo : I really hope that Herman isn 't feeling displaced by Emma . For him to leave the bed while I am in it is very strange . He used to only get up to eat or use the litter box and always came right back . Sometimes Emma decides to sleep on my other pillow and Herman will take up his favorite place next to my chest . I feel that this is just something that they will have to work out for themselves . Karen Jo : Emma gained two - tenths of a pound and the vet said that was a good thing , as she was too skinny . The yeast infection in her ears seems to have mostly cleared up , but something else is going on in there to make her ears so itchy . What the vet lady did find reminded her of mites , but she couldn 't see any definite sign of mites - - no eggs or droppings or actual mites . We are going to treat her for mites for a week anyway , just to make sure . The other thing that needs to be taken care of soon is that Emma has a bad tooth that will probably have to come out . The vet suggested that we try to get her ears cleared of whatever - it - is before taking out her tooth , though . Emma hates the carrier already . Karen Jo : She just beat you to it . I sat up and petted you and made a spot for you near Emma . You still got all your bedtime petting . You were just next to my tummy instead of my chest . Karen Jo : Let 's start at the beginning , shall we ? When we got back from the vet , I let Emma out of her carrier in the living room , as I want her to explore it . She wandered around for a little , then went back down the hall to her room . When I got home from work tonight , Herman was in the kitchen to greet me as usual , but Emma was looking into the kitchen from the living room , which had never happened before . She was very hungry , as she had eaten all her Stinky Goodness and almost the whole bowl of Kitten Chow . She heard my voice and wanted to be fed . I fed them both , starting with Herman , as always . Emma started really chowing down as soon as I brought her her Stinky Goodness and was still at it when I topped up her bowl of Kitten Chow . I went back to the kitchen to put away the groceries I had brought home and I saw a dark streak dart into the living room . I hadn 't heard the usual Herman thumps , so I checked and it was Emma . I went to her room and there was Herman , finishing off Emma 's Stinky Goodness . I figured that turnabout was fair play , so I picked up Emma and put her down in front of Herman 's buffet . Emma : There was more food that I had ever seen before in my life ! I checked out every bowl and dish , nibbling a little here and there . Then I smelled something that smelled better than anything else and started eating it . This was too much for me . I saw her check out my whole buffet , then start eating my Medley ! I hid behind the clothes hanging from the kitchen doorknob and did my wiggle butt , ready to pounce . I started my run , but Emma turned and gave me a hiss . I put on the brakes and she went back to eating my Medley . I gave Mom my saddest look , but she didn 't do anything about it . Here I am , just hanging around , wishing that my new sister , Emma , would come play with me . I was thinking that she was getting used to me and even liked me a little . Usually , I sleep in my usual spot , snuggled up to Mom 's chest and Emma sleeps snuggled up on Mom 's other pillow or next to her back . Last night , after petting time with Mom , I decided that I wanted to sleep next to Emma , so I walked over Mom and settled down within inches of Emma . She gave me a sleepy glance , then all three of us went to sleep . When Mom woke up at dawn for breakfast time and moved around , Emma and I both woke up . When Emma saw how close I was to her , she hissed at me . After breakfast , when we were all settling down to sleep some more , I walked up to Emma and put my head forward for a nose kiss . She gave me the nose kiss , then hissed right in my face . I backed off and looked to Mom for some petting comfort . That Emma sister is too much . She won 't play with me and she won 't cuddle with me . I even have to share my Interferon with her now . Mom gives me my Interferon , then my shredded cheese , then gets Emma 's dose of Interferon ready . I always tell Mom that I want it , but Mom gives it to Emma anyway . This morning I totally turned up my nose at my cheese and do you know what Mom did ? She went and got Emma and plunked her down right in front of my cheese ! Emma sniffed the cheese , then started looking around . I was in the living room , just watching . Emma darted to the hall and started to run down it . I chased her to the end then turned around for her to chase me , but she wouldn 't do it . How can I play THoE if Emma won 't chase me , too ? Karen Jo : Watching Herman chase Emma down the hall was quite enlightening . He is twice her size and could have easily caught her , but when he got close to her , he slowed down . She ran into my room and he turned around before he got to the door . Then he waited for her to come out and chase him , but she never did . Only once have I seen Herman show the slightest bit of jealousy toward Emma . Bedtime is Herman 's special cuddle time . I had been petting him and Emma was on the other pillow behind my head . Emma gave her little " I want some attention " meow , so I stopped petting Herman and started petting Emma . Herman gave us both such a look that I stopped petting Emma and went back to petting Herman . However , it was just a few minutes later that Herman stepped over me to sleep next to Emma . He really likes her , but she is still not sure of him . Emma : I want to get some blog time , too . I really love my new Mom and my new home . However , Herman is a Giant Kitty and he spooks me . He is twice my size and over twice my weight . When I was an outside kitty , the other bigger kitties were mean to me and stole my food . Herman has never been mean to me , except he chases me sometimes . Mom won 't let him steal my Stinky Goodness , but he drinks my water and sometimes eats my Kitten Chow . He also pees in my litter box . I just don 't know what to make of him . Sometimes he touches me gently with his paw . Half the time I hiss at him and half the time I don 't . He gives me nose kisses , which I like , but sometimes I hiss at him for it , because I am not sure of him . I want to go out and explore the rest of the house , but Herman is always there , in the hall , waiting for me . He never chases me unless I run first , but I won 't walk past him to get to the rest of the house . Mom has put me in the living room once and in the kitchen once , but I ran back to her room both times and Herman chased me . I just don 't know what to do , except stay back here where I know it is safe . Karen Jo : I hope that soon Emma will get over being spooked by Herman and go into the living room and kitchen . I am quite sure that Herman will do nothing to hurt her . Quite the opposite . I think that Herman wants badly to cuddle and play with her . Things do get better day by day . Emma has come up the hall almost to the living room and only changed her mind when she got within a foot of Herman , lying on the floor and watching her . He really does only chase her if she starts running first . If she walks toward him , he only lies there and watches her . He seems a little upset now if she hisses at him . He looks disappointed , but backs off like a gentleman , giving her room . I want so much for them to be friends , but I am willing to wait for it . If it stays this way , with Emma just living in the back of the house and Herman lording it over the whole house , I can accept it , but I am hoping for both cats to enjoy the whole house . Thank goodness Mom decided to reuse this picture from last year instead of putting that stupid hat on me again . I would like to see her try to put it on Emma , though . That would be fun . Mom has been acting really lazy and strange lately . She hasn 't even been going to work . Karen Jo : I am on vacation this week . I have been really tired , so I have been resting and sleeping a lot . I also had a pile of mail and newspapers to get through and I need to do my income taxes and clean the house . Sorry about not blogging , but I have been going to bed much earlier than usual . Not a whole lot has changed between me and Emma . We touch noses almost every day now and she only hisses at me sometimes . When Mom got up the other morning , I grabbed her warm spot and Emma and I ended up sleeping only about four inches apart . I actually touched her with my paw when we woke up and she didn 't hiss at me about it . I tried to play chase with Emma on Monday , but she wouldn 't chase me back . I have started peeing in Emma 's litter box . I still poop in my own box , but I pee in hers . There is good news on the poop front . I ran out of Centrine a week and a half ago , but I am still making normal poop . Maybe my pooper has recovered from my illness last year . Karen Jo : I certainly hope so . That would mean that you are a healthier kitty and you won 't have to take as many pills . Emma had to go to the vet on Monday for her introductory visit . I was glad to take her , as I had noticed that she was scratching and rubbing her left ear quite a bit . It turns out that she has a yeast infection in both ears and needs medicine in her ears for a week , then back to the vet to see if that took care of the problem . She is supposed to be wearing a soft E - collar , but there was no keeping her in it . I let her out of her carrier in the living room , which she had never visited before , just to see what she would do . She started exploring and Herman was just watching her . When she found the hall , she ran down it , and Herman chased her . She ran into her room and Herman stopped short of the doorway and waited for her to chase him back down the hall , but she was having none of that . She was too busy kicking off the collar . I tied it back on her and one minute later she had her front paw caught in the neck opening . I tied it as tight as it would go and three minutes later she was wearing it for a skirt . That 's when I gave up on the collar . She is not often scratching inside her ear , so I think it will be OK . I have been tidying up the house , taking care of the mail and working on my income taxes all day and I am getting pretty sleepy , so I 'll just say Happy St . Patrick 's Day to all of you and end here . I will try to do some visiting , but if I start falling asleep at the keyboard , I am going to bed . Aren 't I a handsome fellow ? Mom has cut down on my treats again . Now I only get five at what used to be pill time . I keep telling her that I want more , but she just tells me that I am her wonderful big boy , but I got too big . I still get the occasional treat for scratching on my post , but only one at a time , no matter how many times I scratch . Mom caught me eating Emma 's Stinky Goodness and picked me up and carried me to the kitchen and put me down in front of my own food dishes . Karen Jo : You made a good try this morning . When I woke up at not - quite - time - to - wake - up - yet , Herman was at my feet and Emma was cuddled up next to my chest as I faced the wall . Herman came over and lay down . I had turned down the covers a bit , as the sun was coming in and it was getting warm . Herman put his front paws under the turned down cover and moved them around , making baby Bed Monsters for Emma to pounce on . She ignored him . Then he darted out a paw and tapped her , urging her to kitty wrestle or even chase him . She just snuggled closer to my chest . The really important part of this interaction is that Emma did not hiss at Herman . This is the first time that Herman has touched Emma without her hissing at him . Karen Jo : I am really going to have to start taking pictures of Emma earlier in the day . I get good morning light in my room , but it doesn 't last . Emma played her first game with Herman this morning . I got up early to feed Herman and Emma breakfast . Herman came with me to the kitchen , as he always does , but Emma , who now sleeps on my pillow , stayed on the bed . I finished putting out the food and went back to bed , noticing that Emma had moved down to the foot of the bed where Herman had been sleeping . A few minutes later , Herman came walking down the hall and prepared to jump on the foot of the bed to reclaim his sleeping spot . Emma stuck her head over the edge of the bed and hissed at him . Herman just walked around to the side of the bed and jumped up . Emma hissed at him again . She was playing Queen of the Bed , but Herman ignored her . He looked at her and she retreated back up to the pillow and he reclaimed his spot by my feet . I think it 's great that starting last night , they both sleep in the bed with me , though at opposite ends . I think Emma is losing her fear of Herman , or she wouldn 't have been playing Queen of the Bed with him . While I was taking off my shoes tonight , Emma pounced on the laces . When she tired of that , she attacked another pair of shoes on the floor . I am glad that she is playing now . Before this , the only thing that got any reaction out of her at all was the Cat Dancer . I still spend lots of time hanging out in the living room . I am getting used to not getting so many treats . Mom thinks it is doing me good . I seem to have more energy ; I run more and even walk with more hustle and I am playing with my toys more . Of course , some of this may be due to having Emma around , too . I started taking more interest in things from the first day she moved in . I haven 't chased her again . When I want to get close to her , I just calmly walk up to her . Sometimes she runs away from me or jumps up on something and sometimes she stands her ground and hisses at me when I get close to her . She doesn 't always hiss , though . Last night when it was time for bed , Mom turned out the light and called me . I jumped up on the bed like I always do and noticed that Emma was sleeping in the rocking chair . I walked up the bed until I was even with the rocking chair , put my front paws on the rocking chair arm , then leaned down as far as I could to sniff her . She never even woke up . Then I snuggled up next to Mom for my petting session . After a little while I decided I would rather sleep by Mom 's feet . Karen Jo : I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the litter box room and you were sleeping in the doorway to Emma 's room . Emma was still in the rocking chair . Before I got back to sleep again , I felt you jump up on the bed , then I felt a kitty on the pillow beside my head . I think the two of you shared the bed with me for a little while . Karen Jo : I am having a bit of trouble getting good pictures of Emma . One , she doesn 't hold still for long . Two , she only hangs out in her room and my bedroom , where the light isn 't as good as it is in the living room . When I got home , Herman was sitting at the very beginning of the hall and Emma was peeking out from her room . Herman sauntered down the hall and Emma darted into her room and jumped up on something . I don 't think he is using her uneasiness around him to keep her penned in the back of the house , but he could be . That just doesn 't seem to fit with the rest of his reactions to her , though . He isn 't a bit jealous of her . I can sit on the couch and pet and pet her and he just watches . He doesn 't try to take my attention away from her . I really think he sits at the end of the hall and watches her because he wants her to come to him to play . Karen Jo : I have been very tired lately . We can make a nice , long post today to let everyone know all that has been going on . Tuesday morning I was in Emma 's room , petting her while sitting on the couch with her when Herman came into the room . He sat down about two feet away and just looked at Emma . I set her down on the floor right by my feet just to see what would happen . Herman walked up to Emma and they actually touched noses . Then Herman decided to get personal and sniffed Emma 's tail . Emma growled softly at him and he backed away just a little bit . Herman darted out a paw and touched Emma 's paw . Emma hissed softly and Herman turned around and left the room . I did a bunch of stuff that needed doing and was feeling pretty tired by four o ' clock or so . I decided to play with Herman and / or read in the living room for a while . I opened Emma 's door to see what she would do and , after a while , she came out . Unfortunately . Herman went charging down the hall and scared her half to death . Instead of ducking back into her own room , though , she ran under my bed . I went to sit on my rocking chair and Emma came out after about five minutes and started inspecting my room . After about 15 minutes , Herman came in and watched her . Emma would find a place she liked to sit and Herman would walk up to her . Emma would hiss and Herman would back off . After the third hiss , Herman left my room . Emma left shortly after Herman did and went back to her own room . I closed the door , thinking that she probably wanted to be left alone after her big adventure . Karen Jo : Not deliberately , no . Charging down the hall at her full speed did scare her , though . Wednesday was just like the other days with Emma in her room and Herman outside . Today was Emma 's big day . Karen Jo : Emma is sitting in my computer chair . Herman got me up at 6 : 30 this morning for breakfast , so I fed both him and Emma . Then I closed Emma 's door again . About an hour later , I heard a big discussion going on in front of Emma 's door , including a kitty pushing on the door . I thought it was Herman trying to get in . When I finally got up for the day , got dressed and went to check on Emma , I discovered that the latch on Emma 's door hadn 't engaged , so the kitty pushing on the door had been Emma trying to get out , because if Herman had pushed on the door it would have opened . I opened Emma 's door and she came out and she has mostly been out all day . She goes back into her room periodically , basically to eat , drink and use her litter box . She has ventured down the hall almost to the living room , but the sight of Herman always stops her from coming all the way into the living room . She is still a bit afraid of him . Mostly she has been hanging out in my bedroom . Herman has come in a couple of times , but she still hisses softly at him every time he gets too close . I am happy to report that too close now means withing touching range . She started out hissing if he got within two feet of her . I have also discovered that Emma will play with the Cat Dancer for short periods of time . Things are looking really good and I don 't think Emma will be behind a closed door any more . Things got interesting at Mom 's dinner time . Tonight was steak night and , as usual , Mom ate her steak while watching TV in her room . Emma was sitting on Mom 's computer chair and I was sitting at Mom 's feet . I got three bites of steak and Emma got one . There was no hissing at all . My friends have been giving me awards and my lazy Mom has been ignoring them . I got this one from Lucy at A Tale of Two Kitties way back in January . Sheesh ! Thank you very much , Lucy . I really appreciate it , though it took my Mom forever to do anything about it . Karen Jo : Accepting and passing on awards takes me a lot of time in writing the post , Herman . I have felt pushed lately and didn 't think that I could do them right . I finally just dove in and started . We will do awards posts when I can get my act together until we catch up . 6 . We both purr a lot , though my purr is scarcely audible and Emma 's is normal volume . Mom has do to something I like for me to purr and sometimes Emma starts purring when Mom comes into her room . Can you believe that Mom wanted to just call this post " Award " and end it without any input from me and Emma ? I had to remind her that it was Tuxie Tuesday and you can 't just ignore us tuxies on Tuesday . I am showing off my magnificent tummy again . Karen Jo : Sorry , I couldn 't resist . At least we can answer Roy 's question . He wanted to know if your tummy was all floof or a short - haired tummy with so much fat that the fur stuck straight out . Karen Jo : By rights , you shouldn 't have gotten any treats at all . You get your treats for being a good boy about taking your pills . No pills , no treats . Karen Jo : Let 's leave it up to your friends . If they think you deserve some treats just because you always got them before , then you will continue to get them . If they think you shouldn 't get treats because you don 't get pills , then no more treats at pill time . Karen Jo : Emma continues to do very well . I spend as much time as I can with her , petting her and telling her what a lovely girl she is and how happy I am that she has come to live with us . She hasn 't shown any more interest in leaving her room , but she is becoming more tolerant of Herman by the day . Today I decided to leave her door open while I went back and forth , filling her bowl of Kitten Chow , getting her fresh water and scooping her litter box . Of course , Herman discovered the open door and wandered in . Emma was on the floor and at first she scooted behind the TV . Herman lay down on the floor in the meatloaf position and spoke softly to her . Emma came back out and also lay down on the floor only about a foot away from Herman . They just looked at each other for a while , then Herman got up and started inspecting her litter box , which I had just scooped . When it looked like he wanted to use her box , I picked him up and we left . I thought that his using her litter box might be a bit much for her . I think I will start leaving her door open for short periods now and then , just to get her used to the idea . The only thing that bothers me a little bit is that she doesn 't seem the least bit interested in the toys that I bring into her room every day . She has walked up to them and sniffed them , but not played with them . Of course , I don 't know if she has ever seen toys before , as she was a stray and I don 't know how long she was on her own . I am going to try some of the wand toys tomorrow to see if she reacts to them . I am telling Mom that I want more treats , but she is ignoring me . I don 't really pester her about it . There is one side effect , though . When she was filling me up with treats every night , I let her sleep in the morning because I wasn 't hungry for breakfast . Now I am back to getting her up at dawn to be fed . Karen Jo : I don 't really mind , because you let me go back to sleep after I feed you . You are eating more of your cat food now , too . You completely cleaned up your Medley both last night and tonight . Both Teri and Simba have suggested that your Prednisol might have something to do with your weight gain . The good news is that we are going to try to wean you off the Prednisol in a couple of months . We have to wait because the company who made Centrine has stopped making it . When you run out , we are going to have to see how your poop does . If you go back to pudding poop or worse , there is another medicine we can try . We want to get this settled before we start messing with your Prednisol . You are doing so well that we don 't want to upset things any more than we have to . Karen Jo : Emma was looking straight at the camera when I aimed the camera at her , then turned her head as I framed the photo . At least she held still as I snapped the picture . She really cleans her dish of Stinky Goodness . She is nibbling at the Kitten Chow , too . I think she is getting used to Herman . He really talked and talked to her this morning through the door . Karen Jo : You were an only kitty then and you had been cooped up for months . Emma was only at the shelter long enough to heal up from her spaying . She feels safe in her room and she 's still not quite sure of you . She 's not very much scared of me any more . I walked into her room and drank her water and talked to her a little bit and she just lay on the couch and even closed her eyes like she was going to take a nap while I was there . That looked boring , so I left . I am showing off my magnificent tummy again . Mom isn 't taking away all my treats , just cutting down on them . After I regained my weight after being so sick , I leveled off at fourteen pounds and stayed there for a long time . I only gained the last two pounds when Mom started giving me all the treats I wanted when she got home from work . Karen Jo : That was my fault . I thought that the way you asked for more treats by reaching out a paw toward the treat bag or patting my hand or my cheek was so cute . I was giving you a ridiculous amount of treats each night . You were making a whole meal out of them . This week I am giving you ten treats when I get home and next week I am going to cut you down to five . Then we will see how it goes . If the weight starts to come off , then I will leave it at that . If not , then I will cut you down to two or three . I do think that when Emma gets used to you and comes out to play , you will be getting a lot more exercise and that will help with the weight . I do want to keep a couple of extra pounds on you as a cushion against the next leukemia flare - up . Karen Jo : I do think that she is good for you . It got so all you were interested in was eating , sleeping and seeing how many treats you could get . The other day , you chased one of your balls all around the kitchen , which you hadn 't done in months . Almost every night when I get home I see that you have been playing with your toys at least a little bit . Karen Jo : Emma stayed still for this picture , but it doesn 't do her eyes justice . I have never seen such bright golden eyes in a cat in person before , though I have seen some pictures on blogs . Herman got about one foot away from her before she hissed at him this morning . It was just a little hiss , too . Emma has discovered the stairway to the top of the bookshelves and the kitten cozy that I put up there . It 's just some storage boxes stacked up , but it works to let her get up to the window so she can look out . At present it 's her favorite place . To get down , she moves along the top of the bookshelves then jumps down on the couch . Tonight after I petted her a bunch , I picked her up and took her on a tour of the house . She stopped purring , but she didn 't struggle in my arms or start to shake in fear . I think she was interested to see what was outside her room . When we got back to her room , Herman was in there , of course . He was really checking out the bed that I bought her , but I don 't think she has done more than walk across it . I sat on the couch with her and petted her for a bit while she watched Herman . When she jumped down and went into her cave , I picked up Herman and we left her alone . I think she is coming along very well . Herman chirped at her today . It wasn 't anything like the way he chirps at birds , but more of a questioning sound . I am hearing lots of sounds from Herman that I have never heard before . Lazy Mom didn 't get a picture of me today , so here is one from a while ago that Mom didn 't use because it is almost exactly like another photo that she did use . I went to see the vet yesterday and everything went fine . I got excused from my rabies booster again because my immune system is so compromised . Mom was right about the vet lady being impressed . She said that my Mom is taking wonderful care of me , except for one thing . I 'm too fat . I weight 16 . 4 pounds , which is two more pounds than Mom thought I weighed . I don 't think I 'm going to like what is coming next . Karen Jo : Nothing drastic is going to happen , Herman , but we are going to have to cut waaaay back on your treats . Those two extra pounds that I didn 't realize you had gained came from eating all the treats you want . You can 't do that any more . I am going to talk to the vet lady again when I take Emma in for her introduction to the vet lady visit and see if getting you back down to 14 pounds will be enough . Karen Jo : There is some good news . We are going to try to cut down and maybe get you off the Prednisol , since you are doing so well . No more stuff put in your ears after a while . Karen Jo : Emma 's picture is blurred because she seldom sits still for long . She is doing very well . This morning when I opened her door , she walked out into the hallway . As soon as she saw Herman , she turned around and walked back into her room . However , she didn 't run from Herman and she didn 't hide when he stuck his head in the door to talk to her . Herman loves to talk to Emma , but I have no idea what he is saying . Karen Jo : I was petting her this morning and said all the names I had considered for her out loud to her and Emma was the only one that seemed right . She is doing well . She got a bit active in the night , as I found the scratching post knocked over . I hope that didn 't scare her when it happened . She ate some Kitten Chow and used the litter box . She is still a little shy . I will be petting her and she will be purring up a storm , then she will suddenly jump down and go into her ladycat cave . Herman has managed to sneak into her room a few times . He got in this morning after her petting session when she had gone into her cave . He approached the cave very slowly and she didn 't react until he stuck his head in . Then Emma hissed at him just a little . I was ready to grab him , but , like the gentlemancat he is , he backed off by himself and left the room without any help from me . Early this afternoon , he stuck his head in while she was sitting in the chair . He meowed to her very softly and she pricked up her ears , but just looked at him . I stopped him from going into her room . I don 't know whether to try harder to keep Herman out of Emma 's room , or just him look in from time to time . Will this help her get used to him , or upset her ? She seems fine with him unless he gets too close . I am in the hallway , not far from Emma 's room . I want to go in there so badly . I like her and want her to like me . Karen Jo : Don 't worry , Herman . You will get to meet her properly one of these days . I am going to let her decide when she is ready . So far , she has given no sign that she wants out of the safe room . The last two times I checked on her , she was fast asleep in her ladycat cave . You have been taking all of this in your stride . I have my usual run of the house , except for the safe room . I am getting my food , treats and medicine just like usual . You pay attention to me like you usually do . I don 't have anything to worry about . Dinner was good tonight . Karen Jo : I cooked a roast leg of lamb and some black - eyed peas . I have almost finished the chicken casserole and needed something to eat and make my sandwiches that I take to work out of . You certainly enjoyed the lamb . Karen Jo : Yes , I did . If I can 't manage to get it done in the morning or after I get home from work , you will have to go to the vet with a slightly dirty butt . It will be a tad embarrassing , but you have to go , clean or not . Here is my new sister , who doesn 't have a name yet . Mom never uses the flash on me , so she wouldn 't use it on her , either . Mom had a hard time getting a good photo , as little sister doesn 't hold still for long , but this one came out pretty well . Karen Jo : So far she has come out to eat up two portions of Stinky Goodness and the last time I went in , I got down on the floor and she came over to me for petting . She hasn 't told me her name yet , but all sorts of names keep popping into my head , like Emma , Lucy , Jennifer and Irma . It will take some time , I guess , but a name will eventually stick . She really purrs up a storm . She hasn 't used the litter box , yet , but I don 't really know how often cats go . She let me pick her up and put her in the litter box , but she hopped right out again . I don 't smell anything untoward , so I guess she just hasn 't needed the box yet . Herman spends time sitting outside her door and wants to go in every time I open the door . I don 't think that the getting used to each other time is going to be very long at all , but I will try very hard not to rush it . Karen Jo : You hardly ever use your scratching post and you only use the scratcher part of your Turbo Scratcher . I didn 't take any of your favorite toys , either . You still have your cardboard scratcher . Mom got up at way - too - early this morning and used the litter box room and got me my breakfast , but I knew something was up when she didn 't go back to bed . I got a little nervous when my PTU came out and Mom put a fresh towel in it , but she shut it back up empty , so I relaxed again . Then my foster Mom showed up and I got a bit nervous again . Almost every time my foster Mom comes over I end up at the vet , so now I avoid her . Then Mom and foster Mom went away for a while and when they came back , my PTU wasn 't empty any more . Mom put the PTU on the floor in the living room and something in it meowed ! I meowed back and got an answer from the PTU , so I went over to investigate . There was a kitty in there . She backed away from the door , but I got a good sniff of her . Neither one of us hissed or growled . Then Mom and foster Mom took the PTU into the safe room and opened the door of the carrier . I was really torn between wanting to keep my distance from my foster Mom , just in case , and seeing what was going on . Karen Jo : I 'll take over for a while , as Herman stayed a ways down the hall . His new sister is a gorgeous black and white tuxie with golden eyes . She has medium long fur . She was a bit shy of coming out of the PTU at first , but came out when I put some Stinky Goodness in her dish . She also had fresh water and Kitten Chow waiting for her . She munched some Kitten Chow and drank a little water . Herman 's foster Mom had to leave , so I walked her to her car and forgot to close the door of the safe room . When I got back , the little girl was back in the carrier and Herman was drinking her water . As I stepped into the room , Herman approached her food dish and she let out a little , very lady - like , growl . I evicted Herman and stayed with her a bit , but she stayed in the carrier . I guess Herman gave her just a little scare . I left her alone for a while and when I returned , she had discovered Herman 's mancat cave . I sat on the couch and reached down and scratched the carpet and she came out to meet me . She wanted to be petted . She is a little shy . She will let me pet her for a while , then she goes back into the cave , then comes out for more . She even rolls over for a belly rub . Her purr motor went into high gear . I am so used to Herman 's almost inaudible purr that it sounds loud to me , but I think it is probably just normal volume . I am going in and visiting for a few minutes every hour or so . Herman spent nearly an hour outside the door to the safe room when she first arrived , but now he is just going about his daily business , though he does go check the door every once in a while . He is always waiting for me there when I come out and has darted in again a couple of times . I think Herman likes her and is eager to make her acquaintance . She is quite a bit smaller than he is and I think she is just a tiny bit afraid of him . Pictures will have to wait until she feels secure enough to come all the way out of the ladycat ( ? ) cave into the light . Just relaxing on the carpet again . Our cold front has passed through and we didn 't get any snow out of it , but it still won 't be warm enough for me to go to my wellness exam by stroller . I wasn 't waiting for my Interferon this morning , but when Mom said that it was time for it and I heard her open the refrigerator , I came right to her to get it . When Mom said that lunch was ready , I came and sat and stared at her until she started sharing her chicken with me . I have decided that some leftovers are yummy . Mom kept fishing out little chicken chunks for me and I ate six or seven of them , which is a lot for me . I like some people food , but I prefer cat food , especially treats . Tonight things got crazy again . Mom came home and did what she usually does until it was time for her to blog . Instead of turning on the computer , she started messing around in my old safe room , moving stuff around and out of the room . Then she got out the sucky monster and I hid . Now my scratching post , which I hardly ever use , is missing . Something is up . Karen Jo : I know that she is in a high - kill shelter on death row because of her leukemia . That 's enough for me . Your foster Mom saved you from euthanasia when she took you in and kept you until I could find you and bring you home . This time the foster homes are full and desperately trying to place kitties before kitten season starts . If I don 't go get her , she will most likely be put to sleep . Karen Jo : I am going to give you a good long time to get used to each other , several months at least . If the two of you just can 't learn to get along or tolerate each other , then I will work with the Friends of the Shelter to find her a forever home . Either way , she will get a chance to live . Karen Jo : She is going to stay in the safe room until the two of you get used to each other . You are going to have to share some of my time with her starting as soon as she arrives . You are going to have to share your toys with her , too . Once she comes out of the safe room , you will have to share everything with her . |
Karen Jo : I shut Emma up in her room tonight . She has to go to the vet again tomorrow and the vet lady wants a stool sample . The only way to make sure that the stool sample is Emma 's and not yours was to clean out the litter box , then shut Emma up in her room overnight . She 's not happy about it , but it has to be done . That was really something . When I came to bed , Emma was curled up by Mom 's face . I stayed toward the end of the bed , where Mom could barely reach me to scritch my chin , because sometimes Emma hisses at me when I come to bed . Emma just kept purring , so I crept a little closer where Mom could pet my side . When Emma still didn 't hiss at me , I figured everything was okay , so I snuggled up to Mom and turned on my back , so Mom could pet my chest the way I really like . All of a sudden , Emma let out a yell and attacked me . She didn 't hurt me , but it really startled me and I retreated to the foot of the bed . Karen Jo : It caught me by surprise as well . One second Emma is purring in my ear and the next she is flying at Herman in full attack mode . It only lasted a second . Herman retreated to the foot of the bed and Emma jumped over to the rocking chair . I scolded Emma and comforted Herman , but Herman decided that it wasn 't worth the aggravation and he jumped off the bed and went to the living room . I tried to go to sleep . A little while later , I heard Emma growling softly . She was still in the rocking chair and Herman was on the floor , thinking about jumping back on the bed . I told Emma to knock it off and she did , but it was a while before Herman joined me in bed and even then he stayed near the foot of the bed . Come morning , Herman had crept up behind my legs and I gave him some morning petting . Emma was still in the rocking chair . I had no idea she was that jealous of Herman . This is one of Emma 's favorite spots . She is lying on a bookshelf just under the window . She can relax and still see outside . She spends quite a bit of time lying here or sitting up and looking out the window . It 's probably just a matter of time . I want everyone to know that I am feeling great . Emma and I are starting to play together . I chase her all over . One fun game is that she runs around the living room on the furniture and I chase after her on the floor . When she runs out of furniture we have a little boxing match , then she turns around and runs the other way . I have gotten into pounce position watching her a few times , but I haven 't pounced her yet . As for her being faster than I am , hah ! I showed her tonight that I can catch her whenever I want . I didn 't even touch her . I just caught up with her and showed her how fast I can be . That 's right . I have started guarding my Medley dish . At lunch time Mom put down my Medley right in front of me and I started eating it . Emma watched . Then Mom put down some really good Stinky Goodness . I leaned over and started eating that , without moving from in front of my Medley dish . Emma just sat there and cried . Karen Jo : I gave her a dish of Stinky Goodness in her room , as usual . It took her a little longer than I expected to catch on to what I was doing . She didn 't realize that food was being served in her room until she heard me filling up her Kitten Chow . Tonight I was nicer . I just ate my Medley and let Emma eat the Stinky Goodness . Mom has showed me that I can eat Emma 's Stinky Goodness , if she eats all of mine and I want hers . Mom says that the ravens are mad at us . Mom gives them any left over Stinky Goodness . There isn 't much left over any more , just a few crumbs sometimes . Mom hardly ever gives me treats any more . She doesn 't give me my cheese snack any more , either . I haven 't been bugging her about it . Chasing Emma is lots more fun than asking for treats . Sorry we haven 't been around lately . Mom got sick on Tuesday and hasn 't felt up to blogging until tonight . Emma and I both lapped up all the extra cuddle time in bed . Emma is all over the house now . Nothing is safe from her . She has been eating my food regularly and here she is hogging the catnip . Karen Jo : I put catnip on Herman 's scratcher in the living room and the Turbo Scratcher in Emma 's room . Emma pounced right on it . Herman got really close and there was a flurry of paws from both of them . Emma retained possession of the catnip as long as she wanted it . When she got up from sniffing and rolling in the nip to get something to eat , I expected Herman to go after the nip , but he didn 't . He just lay there next to it for a long time . Karen Jo : Emma has been using her speed to her advantage . It didn 't take her long at all to learn the food routine in the kitchen . Having discovered Herman 's buffet and connecting the opening of the refrigerator with new food appearing , she has been beating him to the canned food regularly . Today at lunch time , she beat Herman to his Medley and he just sat there and watched her eat it . I put the Stinky Goodness right in front of Herman , but he still just sat there and watched Emma eat his Medley . When I got back from putting out Emma 's Stinky Goodness , most of the Medley was gone and Emma was going to town on Herman 's Stinky Goodness . After she was done , Herman just looked at the damage , then looked at me and meowed sadly . I picked him up , took him down the hall and showed him Emma 's Stinky Goodness , which he ate part of . When I got home from work , both cats came into the kitchen and Emma started eating some of Herman 's Purina One . I told them that it was supper time and picked up Herman 's Medley dish to wash it . Herman left the kitchen , which is highly unusual . I found him sitting in the hall with his back to me . I walked up to him , but he walked a few more steps down the hall and sat down with his back to me again . I petted him and told him what a good boy he was and that he was my favorite mancat . He followed me back to the kitchen and took up his usual position , right in front of where the Medley dish goes . I put the Medley down right in front of him and he started eating . This time Emma just sat and watched . I washed up and filled the Stinky Goodness dish and Emma dove right into that . They ate side by side for the first time . I hope this means Herman will start sticking up for himself a bit more . He has been deferring to Emma in everything . Both the Medley and Stinky Goodness dishes get licked almost completely clean every meal now . I think Emma is eating more of it than Herman . Herman : I like Emma and I don 't mind letting her have her way most of the time . She has almost stopped hissing at me . She keeps stealing my favorite spot next to Mom at bedtime , though . Mom will make every effort to reach me wherever I lie down , but sometimes I get up and move away . Once in a while , I will even get up while Mom is petting me and jump down from the bed to find someplace else to sleep . Karen Jo : I really hope that Herman isn 't feeling displaced by Emma . For him to leave the bed while I am in it is very strange . He used to only get up to eat or use the litter box and always came right back . Sometimes Emma decides to sleep on my other pillow and Herman will take up his favorite place next to my chest . I feel that this is just something that they will have to work out for themselves . Karen Jo : Emma gained two - tenths of a pound and the vet said that was a good thing , as she was too skinny . The yeast infection in her ears seems to have mostly cleared up , but something else is going on in there to make her ears so itchy . What the vet lady did find reminded her of mites , but she couldn 't see any definite sign of mites - - no eggs or droppings or actual mites . We are going to treat her for mites for a week anyway , just to make sure . The other thing that needs to be taken care of soon is that Emma has a bad tooth that will probably have to come out . The vet suggested that we try to get her ears cleared of whatever - it - is before taking out her tooth , though . Emma hates the carrier already . Karen Jo : She just beat you to it . I sat up and petted you and made a spot for you near Emma . You still got all your bedtime petting . You were just next to my tummy instead of my chest . Karen Jo : Let 's start at the beginning , shall we ? When we got back from the vet , I let Emma out of her carrier in the living room , as I want her to explore it . She wandered around for a little , then went back down the hall to her room . When I got home from work tonight , Herman was in the kitchen to greet me as usual , but Emma was looking into the kitchen from the living room , which had never happened before . She was very hungry , as she had eaten all her Stinky Goodness and almost the whole bowl of Kitten Chow . She heard my voice and wanted to be fed . I fed them both , starting with Herman , as always . Emma started really chowing down as soon as I brought her her Stinky Goodness and was still at it when I topped up her bowl of Kitten Chow . I went back to the kitchen to put away the groceries I had brought home and I saw a dark streak dart into the living room . I hadn 't heard the usual Herman thumps , so I checked and it was Emma . I went to her room and there was Herman , finishing off Emma 's Stinky Goodness . I figured that turnabout was fair play , so I picked up Emma and put her down in front of Herman 's buffet . Emma : There was more food that I had ever seen before in my life ! I checked out every bowl and dish , nibbling a little here and there . Then I smelled something that smelled better than anything else and started eating it . This was too much for me . I saw her check out my whole buffet , then start eating my Medley ! I hid behind the clothes hanging from the kitchen doorknob and did my wiggle butt , ready to pounce . I started my run , but Emma turned and gave me a hiss . I put on the brakes and she went back to eating my Medley . I gave Mom my saddest look , but she didn 't do anything about it . Here I am , just hanging around , wishing that my new sister , Emma , would come play with me . I was thinking that she was getting used to me and even liked me a little . Usually , I sleep in my usual spot , snuggled up to Mom 's chest and Emma sleeps snuggled up on Mom 's other pillow or next to her back . Last night , after petting time with Mom , I decided that I wanted to sleep next to Emma , so I walked over Mom and settled down within inches of Emma . She gave me a sleepy glance , then all three of us went to sleep . When Mom woke up at dawn for breakfast time and moved around , Emma and I both woke up . When Emma saw how close I was to her , she hissed at me . After breakfast , when we were all settling down to sleep some more , I walked up to Emma and put my head forward for a nose kiss . She gave me the nose kiss , then hissed right in my face . I backed off and looked to Mom for some petting comfort . That Emma sister is too much . She won 't play with me and she won 't cuddle with me . I even have to share my Interferon with her now . Mom gives me my Interferon , then my shredded cheese , then gets Emma 's dose of Interferon ready . I always tell Mom that I want it , but Mom gives it to Emma anyway . This morning I totally turned up my nose at my cheese and do you know what Mom did ? She went and got Emma and plunked her down right in front of my cheese ! Emma sniffed the cheese , then started looking around . I was in the living room , just watching . Emma darted to the hall and started to run down it . I chased her to the end then turned around for her to chase me , but she wouldn 't do it . How can I play THoE if Emma won 't chase me , too ? Karen Jo : Watching Herman chase Emma down the hall was quite enlightening . He is twice her size and could have easily caught her , but when he got close to her , he slowed down . She ran into my room and he turned around before he got to the door . Then he waited for her to come out and chase him , but she never did . Only once have I seen Herman show the slightest bit of jealousy toward Emma . Bedtime is Herman 's special cuddle time . I had been petting him and Emma was on the other pillow behind my head . Emma gave her little " I want some attention " meow , so I stopped petting Herman and started petting Emma . Herman gave us both such a look that I stopped petting Emma and went back to petting Herman . However , it was just a few minutes later that Herman stepped over me to sleep next to Emma . He really likes her , but she is still not sure of him . Emma : I want to get some blog time , too . I really love my new Mom and my new home . However , Herman is a Giant Kitty and he spooks me . He is twice my size and over twice my weight . When I was an outside kitty , the other bigger kitties were mean to me and stole my food . Herman has never been mean to me , except he chases me sometimes . Mom won 't let him steal my Stinky Goodness , but he drinks my water and sometimes eats my Kitten Chow . He also pees in my litter box . I just don 't know what to make of him . Sometimes he touches me gently with his paw . Half the time I hiss at him and half the time I don 't . He gives me nose kisses , which I like , but sometimes I hiss at him for it , because I am not sure of him . I want to go out and explore the rest of the house , but Herman is always there , in the hall , waiting for me . He never chases me unless I run first , but I won 't walk past him to get to the rest of the house . Mom has put me in the living room once and in the kitchen once , but I ran back to her room both times and Herman chased me . I just don 't know what to do , except stay back here where I know it is safe . Karen Jo : I hope that soon Emma will get over being spooked by Herman and go into the living room and kitchen . I am quite sure that Herman will do nothing to hurt her . Quite the opposite . I think that Herman wants badly to cuddle and play with her . Things do get better day by day . Emma has come up the hall almost to the living room and only changed her mind when she got within a foot of Herman , lying on the floor and watching her . He really does only chase her if she starts running first . If she walks toward him , he only lies there and watches her . He seems a little upset now if she hisses at him . He looks disappointed , but backs off like a gentleman , giving her room . I want so much for them to be friends , but I am willing to wait for it . If it stays this way , with Emma just living in the back of the house and Herman lording it over the whole house , I can accept it , but I am hoping for both cats to enjoy the whole house . Thank goodness Mom decided to reuse this picture from last year instead of putting that stupid hat on me again . I would like to see her try to put it on Emma , though . That would be fun . Mom has been acting really lazy and strange lately . She hasn 't even been going to work . Karen Jo : I am on vacation this week . I have been really tired , so I have been resting and sleeping a lot . I also had a pile of mail and newspapers to get through and I need to do my income taxes and clean the house . Sorry about not blogging , but I have been going to bed much earlier than usual . Not a whole lot has changed between me and Emma . We touch noses almost every day now and she only hisses at me sometimes . When Mom got up the other morning , I grabbed her warm spot and Emma and I ended up sleeping only about four inches apart . I actually touched her with my paw when we woke up and she didn 't hiss at me about it . I tried to play chase with Emma on Monday , but she wouldn 't chase me back . I have started peeing in Emma 's litter box . I still poop in my own box , but I pee in hers . There is good news on the poop front . I ran out of Centrine a week and a half ago , but I am still making normal poop . Maybe my pooper has recovered from my illness last year . Karen Jo : I certainly hope so . That would mean that you are a healthier kitty and you won 't have to take as many pills . Emma had to go to the vet on Monday for her introductory visit . I was glad to take her , as I had noticed that she was scratching and rubbing her left ear quite a bit . It turns out that she has a yeast infection in both ears and needs medicine in her ears for a week , then back to the vet to see if that took care of the problem . She is supposed to be wearing a soft E - collar , but there was no keeping her in it . I let her out of her carrier in the living room , which she had never visited before , just to see what she would do . She started exploring and Herman was just watching her . When she found the hall , she ran down it , and Herman chased her . She ran into her room and Herman stopped short of the doorway and waited for her to chase him back down the hall , but she was having none of that . She was too busy kicking off the collar . I tied it back on her and one minute later she had her front paw caught in the neck opening . I tied it as tight as it would go and three minutes later she was wearing it for a skirt . That 's when I gave up on the collar . She is not often scratching inside her ear , so I think it will be OK . I have been tidying up the house , taking care of the mail and working on my income taxes all day and I am getting pretty sleepy , so I 'll just say Happy St . Patrick 's Day to all of you and end here . I will try to do some visiting , but if I start falling asleep at the keyboard , I am going to bed . Aren 't I a handsome fellow ? Mom has cut down on my treats again . Now I only get five at what used to be pill time . I keep telling her that I want more , but she just tells me that I am her wonderful big boy , but I got too big . I still get the occasional treat for scratching on my post , but only one at a time , no matter how many times I scratch . Mom caught me eating Emma 's Stinky Goodness and picked me up and carried me to the kitchen and put me down in front of my own food dishes . Karen Jo : You made a good try this morning . When I woke up at not - quite - time - to - wake - up - yet , Herman was at my feet and Emma was cuddled up next to my chest as I faced the wall . Herman came over and lay down . I had turned down the covers a bit , as the sun was coming in and it was getting warm . Herman put his front paws under the turned down cover and moved them around , making baby Bed Monsters for Emma to pounce on . She ignored him . Then he darted out a paw and tapped her , urging her to kitty wrestle or even chase him . She just snuggled closer to my chest . The really important part of this interaction is that Emma did not hiss at Herman . This is the first time that Herman has touched Emma without her hissing at him . Karen Jo : I am really going to have to start taking pictures of Emma earlier in the day . I get good morning light in my room , but it doesn 't last . Emma played her first game with Herman this morning . I got up early to feed Herman and Emma breakfast . Herman came with me to the kitchen , as he always does , but Emma , who now sleeps on my pillow , stayed on the bed . I finished putting out the food and went back to bed , noticing that Emma had moved down to the foot of the bed where Herman had been sleeping . A few minutes later , Herman came walking down the hall and prepared to jump on the foot of the bed to reclaim his sleeping spot . Emma stuck her head over the edge of the bed and hissed at him . Herman just walked around to the side of the bed and jumped up . Emma hissed at him again . She was playing Queen of the Bed , but Herman ignored her . He looked at her and she retreated back up to the pillow and he reclaimed his spot by my feet . I think it 's great that starting last night , they both sleep in the bed with me , though at opposite ends . I think Emma is losing her fear of Herman , or she wouldn 't have been playing Queen of the Bed with him . While I was taking off my shoes tonight , Emma pounced on the laces . When she tired of that , she attacked another pair of shoes on the floor . I am glad that she is playing now . Before this , the only thing that got any reaction out of her at all was the Cat Dancer . I still spend lots of time hanging out in the living room . I am getting used to not getting so many treats . Mom thinks it is doing me good . I seem to have more energy ; I run more and even walk with more hustle and I am playing with my toys more . Of course , some of this may be due to having Emma around , too . I started taking more interest in things from the first day she moved in . I haven 't chased her again . When I want to get close to her , I just calmly walk up to her . Sometimes she runs away from me or jumps up on something and sometimes she stands her ground and hisses at me when I get close to her . She doesn 't always hiss , though . Last night when it was time for bed , Mom turned out the light and called me . I jumped up on the bed like I always do and noticed that Emma was sleeping in the rocking chair . I walked up the bed until I was even with the rocking chair , put my front paws on the rocking chair arm , then leaned down as far as I could to sniff her . She never even woke up . Then I snuggled up next to Mom for my petting session . After a little while I decided I would rather sleep by Mom 's feet . Karen Jo : I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the litter box room and you were sleeping in the doorway to Emma 's room . Emma was still in the rocking chair . Before I got back to sleep again , I felt you jump up on the bed , then I felt a kitty on the pillow beside my head . I think the two of you shared the bed with me for a little while . Karen Jo : I am having a bit of trouble getting good pictures of Emma . One , she doesn 't hold still for long . Two , she only hangs out in her room and my bedroom , where the light isn 't as good as it is in the living room . When I got home , Herman was sitting at the very beginning of the hall and Emma was peeking out from her room . Herman sauntered down the hall and Emma darted into her room and jumped up on something . I don 't think he is using her uneasiness around him to keep her penned in the back of the house , but he could be . That just doesn 't seem to fit with the rest of his reactions to her , though . He isn 't a bit jealous of her . I can sit on the couch and pet and pet her and he just watches . He doesn 't try to take my attention away from her . I really think he sits at the end of the hall and watches her because he wants her to come to him to play . Karen Jo : I have been very tired lately . We can make a nice , long post today to let everyone know all that has been going on . Tuesday morning I was in Emma 's room , petting her while sitting on the couch with her when Herman came into the room . He sat down about two feet away and just looked at Emma . I set her down on the floor right by my feet just to see what would happen . Herman walked up to Emma and they actually touched noses . Then Herman decided to get personal and sniffed Emma 's tail . Emma growled softly at him and he backed away just a little bit . Herman darted out a paw and touched Emma 's paw . Emma hissed softly and Herman turned around and left the room . I did a bunch of stuff that needed doing and was feeling pretty tired by four o ' clock or so . I decided to play with Herman and / or read in the living room for a while . I opened Emma 's door to see what she would do and , after a while , she came out . Unfortunately . Herman went charging down the hall and scared her half to death . Instead of ducking back into her own room , though , she ran under my bed . I went to sit on my rocking chair and Emma came out after about five minutes and started inspecting my room . After about 15 minutes , Herman came in and watched her . Emma would find a place she liked to sit and Herman would walk up to her . Emma would hiss and Herman would back off . After the third hiss , Herman left my room . Emma left shortly after Herman did and went back to her own room . I closed the door , thinking that she probably wanted to be left alone after her big adventure . Karen Jo : Not deliberately , no . Charging down the hall at her full speed did scare her , though . Wednesday was just like the other days with Emma in her room and Herman outside . Today was Emma 's big day . Karen Jo : Emma is sitting in my computer chair . Herman got me up at 6 : 30 this morning for breakfast , so I fed both him and Emma . Then I closed Emma 's door again . About an hour later , I heard a big discussion going on in front of Emma 's door , including a kitty pushing on the door . I thought it was Herman trying to get in . When I finally got up for the day , got dressed and went to check on Emma , I discovered that the latch on Emma 's door hadn 't engaged , so the kitty pushing on the door had been Emma trying to get out , because if Herman had pushed on the door it would have opened . I opened Emma 's door and she came out and she has mostly been out all day . She goes back into her room periodically , basically to eat , drink and use her litter box . She has ventured down the hall almost to the living room , but the sight of Herman always stops her from coming all the way into the living room . She is still a bit afraid of him . Mostly she has been hanging out in my bedroom . Herman has come in a couple of times , but she still hisses softly at him every time he gets too close . I am happy to report that too close now means withing touching range . She started out hissing if he got within two feet of her . I have also discovered that Emma will play with the Cat Dancer for short periods of time . Things are looking really good and I don 't think Emma will be behind a closed door any more . Things got interesting at Mom 's dinner time . Tonight was steak night and , as usual , Mom ate her steak while watching TV in her room . Emma was sitting on Mom 's computer chair and I was sitting at Mom 's feet . I got three bites of steak and Emma got one . There was no hissing at all . My friends have been giving me awards and my lazy Mom has been ignoring them . I got this one from Lucy at A Tale of Two Kitties way back in January . Sheesh ! Thank you very much , Lucy . I really appreciate it , though it took my Mom forever to do anything about it . Karen Jo : Accepting and passing on awards takes me a lot of time in writing the post , Herman . I have felt pushed lately and didn 't think that I could do them right . I finally just dove in and started . We will do awards posts when I can get my act together until we catch up . 6 . We both purr a lot , though my purr is scarcely audible and Emma 's is normal volume . Mom has do to something I like for me to purr and sometimes Emma starts purring when Mom comes into her room . Can you believe that Mom wanted to just call this post " Award " and end it without any input from me and Emma ? I had to remind her that it was Tuxie Tuesday and you can 't just ignore us tuxies on Tuesday . I am showing off my magnificent tummy again . Karen Jo : Sorry , I couldn 't resist . At least we can answer Roy 's question . He wanted to know if your tummy was all floof or a short - haired tummy with so much fat that the fur stuck straight out . Karen Jo : By rights , you shouldn 't have gotten any treats at all . You get your treats for being a good boy about taking your pills . No pills , no treats . Karen Jo : Let 's leave it up to your friends . If they think you deserve some treats just because you always got them before , then you will continue to get them . If they think you shouldn 't get treats because you don 't get pills , then no more treats at pill time . Karen Jo : Emma continues to do very well . I spend as much time as I can with her , petting her and telling her what a lovely girl she is and how happy I am that she has come to live with us . She hasn 't shown any more interest in leaving her room , but she is becoming more tolerant of Herman by the day . Today I decided to leave her door open while I went back and forth , filling her bowl of Kitten Chow , getting her fresh water and scooping her litter box . Of course , Herman discovered the open door and wandered in . Emma was on the floor and at first she scooted behind the TV . Herman lay down on the floor in the meatloaf position and spoke softly to her . Emma came back out and also lay down on the floor only about a foot away from Herman . They just looked at each other for a while , then Herman got up and started inspecting her litter box , which I had just scooped . When it looked like he wanted to use her box , I picked him up and we left . I thought that his using her litter box might be a bit much for her . I think I will start leaving her door open for short periods now and then , just to get her used to the idea . The only thing that bothers me a little bit is that she doesn 't seem the least bit interested in the toys that I bring into her room every day . She has walked up to them and sniffed them , but not played with them . Of course , I don 't know if she has ever seen toys before , as she was a stray and I don 't know how long she was on her own . I am going to try some of the wand toys tomorrow to see if she reacts to them . I am telling Mom that I want more treats , but she is ignoring me . I don 't really pester her about it . There is one side effect , though . When she was filling me up with treats every night , I let her sleep in the morning because I wasn 't hungry for breakfast . Now I am back to getting her up at dawn to be fed . Karen Jo : I don 't really mind , because you let me go back to sleep after I feed you . You are eating more of your cat food now , too . You completely cleaned up your Medley both last night and tonight . Both Teri and Simba have suggested that your Prednisol might have something to do with your weight gain . The good news is that we are going to try to wean you off the Prednisol in a couple of months . We have to wait because the company who made Centrine has stopped making it . When you run out , we are going to have to see how your poop does . If you go back to pudding poop or worse , there is another medicine we can try . We want to get this settled before we start messing with your Prednisol . You are doing so well that we don 't want to upset things any more than we have to . Karen Jo : Emma was looking straight at the camera when I aimed the camera at her , then turned her head as I framed the photo . At least she held still as I snapped the picture . She really cleans her dish of Stinky Goodness . She is nibbling at the Kitten Chow , too . I think she is getting used to Herman . He really talked and talked to her this morning through the door . Karen Jo : You were an only kitty then and you had been cooped up for months . Emma was only at the shelter long enough to heal up from her spaying . She feels safe in her room and she 's still not quite sure of you . She 's not very much scared of me any more . I walked into her room and drank her water and talked to her a little bit and she just lay on the couch and even closed her eyes like she was going to take a nap while I was there . That looked boring , so I left . I am showing off my magnificent tummy again . Mom isn 't taking away all my treats , just cutting down on them . After I regained my weight after being so sick , I leveled off at fourteen pounds and stayed there for a long time . I only gained the last two pounds when Mom started giving me all the treats I wanted when she got home from work . Karen Jo : That was my fault . I thought that the way you asked for more treats by reaching out a paw toward the treat bag or patting my hand or my cheek was so cute . I was giving you a ridiculous amount of treats each night . You were making a whole meal out of them . This week I am giving you ten treats when I get home and next week I am going to cut you down to five . Then we will see how it goes . If the weight starts to come off , then I will leave it at that . If not , then I will cut you down to two or three . I do think that when Emma gets used to you and comes out to play , you will be getting a lot more exercise and that will help with the weight . I do want to keep a couple of extra pounds on you as a cushion against the next leukemia flare - up . Karen Jo : I do think that she is good for you . It got so all you were interested in was eating , sleeping and seeing how many treats you could get . The other day , you chased one of your balls all around the kitchen , which you hadn 't done in months . Almost every night when I get home I see that you have been playing with your toys at least a little bit . Karen Jo : Emma stayed still for this picture , but it doesn 't do her eyes justice . I have never seen such bright golden eyes in a cat in person before , though I have seen some pictures on blogs . Herman got about one foot away from her before she hissed at him this morning . It was just a little hiss , too . Emma has discovered the stairway to the top of the bookshelves and the kitten cozy that I put up there . It 's just some storage boxes stacked up , but it works to let her get up to the window so she can look out . At present it 's her favorite place . To get down , she moves along the top of the bookshelves then jumps down on the couch . Tonight after I petted her a bunch , I picked her up and took her on a tour of the house . She stopped purring , but she didn 't struggle in my arms or start to shake in fear . I think she was interested to see what was outside her room . When we got back to her room , Herman was in there , of course . He was really checking out the bed that I bought her , but I don 't think she has done more than walk across it . I sat on the couch with her and petted her for a bit while she watched Herman . When she jumped down and went into her cave , I picked up Herman and we left her alone . I think she is coming along very well . Herman chirped at her today . It wasn 't anything like the way he chirps at birds , but more of a questioning sound . I am hearing lots of sounds from Herman that I have never heard before . Lazy Mom didn 't get a picture of me today , so here is one from a while ago that Mom didn 't use because it is almost exactly like another photo that she did use . I went to see the vet yesterday and everything went fine . I got excused from my rabies booster again because my immune system is so compromised . Mom was right about the vet lady being impressed . She said that my Mom is taking wonderful care of me , except for one thing . I 'm too fat . I weight 16 . 4 pounds , which is two more pounds than Mom thought I weighed . I don 't think I 'm going to like what is coming next . Karen Jo : Nothing drastic is going to happen , Herman , but we are going to have to cut waaaay back on your treats . Those two extra pounds that I didn 't realize you had gained came from eating all the treats you want . You can 't do that any more . I am going to talk to the vet lady again when I take Emma in for her introduction to the vet lady visit and see if getting you back down to 14 pounds will be enough . Karen Jo : There is some good news . We are going to try to cut down and maybe get you off the Prednisol , since you are doing so well . No more stuff put in your ears after a while . Karen Jo : Emma 's picture is blurred because she seldom sits still for long . She is doing very well . This morning when I opened her door , she walked out into the hallway . As soon as she saw Herman , she turned around and walked back into her room . However , she didn 't run from Herman and she didn 't hide when he stuck his head in the door to talk to her . Herman loves to talk to Emma , but I have no idea what he is saying . Karen Jo : I was petting her this morning and said all the names I had considered for her out loud to her and Emma was the only one that seemed right . She is doing well . She got a bit active in the night , as I found the scratching post knocked over . I hope that didn 't scare her when it happened . She ate some Kitten Chow and used the litter box . She is still a little shy . I will be petting her and she will be purring up a storm , then she will suddenly jump down and go into her ladycat cave . Herman has managed to sneak into her room a few times . He got in this morning after her petting session when she had gone into her cave . He approached the cave very slowly and she didn 't react until he stuck his head in . Then Emma hissed at him just a little . I was ready to grab him , but , like the gentlemancat he is , he backed off by himself and left the room without any help from me . Early this afternoon , he stuck his head in while she was sitting in the chair . He meowed to her very softly and she pricked up her ears , but just looked at him . I stopped him from going into her room . I don 't know whether to try harder to keep Herman out of Emma 's room , or just him look in from time to time . Will this help her get used to him , or upset her ? She seems fine with him unless he gets too close . I am in the hallway , not far from Emma 's room . I want to go in there so badly . I like her and want her to like me . Karen Jo : Don 't worry , Herman . You will get to meet her properly one of these days . I am going to let her decide when she is ready . So far , she has given no sign that she wants out of the safe room . The last two times I checked on her , she was fast asleep in her ladycat cave . You have been taking all of this in your stride . I have my usual run of the house , except for the safe room . I am getting my food , treats and medicine just like usual . You pay attention to me like you usually do . I don 't have anything to worry about . Dinner was good tonight . Karen Jo : I cooked a roast leg of lamb and some black - eyed peas . I have almost finished the chicken casserole and needed something to eat and make my sandwiches that I take to work out of . You certainly enjoyed the lamb . Karen Jo : Yes , I did . If I can 't manage to get it done in the morning or after I get home from work , you will have to go to the vet with a slightly dirty butt . It will be a tad embarrassing , but you have to go , clean or not . Here is my new sister , who doesn 't have a name yet . Mom never uses the flash on me , so she wouldn 't use it on her , either . Mom had a hard time getting a good photo , as little sister doesn 't hold still for long , but this one came out pretty well . Karen Jo : So far she has come out to eat up two portions of Stinky Goodness and the last time I went in , I got down on the floor and she came over to me for petting . She hasn 't told me her name yet , but all sorts of names keep popping into my head , like Emma , Lucy , Jennifer and Irma . It will take some time , I guess , but a name will eventually stick . She really purrs up a storm . She hasn 't used the litter box , yet , but I don 't really know how often cats go . She let me pick her up and put her in the litter box , but she hopped right out again . I don 't smell anything untoward , so I guess she just hasn 't needed the box yet . Herman spends time sitting outside her door and wants to go in every time I open the door . I don 't think that the getting used to each other time is going to be very long at all , but I will try very hard not to rush it . Karen Jo : You hardly ever use your scratching post and you only use the scratcher part of your Turbo Scratcher . I didn 't take any of your favorite toys , either . You still have your cardboard scratcher . Mom got up at way - too - early this morning and used the litter box room and got me my breakfast , but I knew something was up when she didn 't go back to bed . I got a little nervous when my PTU came out and Mom put a fresh towel in it , but she shut it back up empty , so I relaxed again . Then my foster Mom showed up and I got a bit nervous again . Almost every time my foster Mom comes over I end up at the vet , so now I avoid her . Then Mom and foster Mom went away for a while and when they came back , my PTU wasn 't empty any more . Mom put the PTU on the floor in the living room and something in it meowed ! I meowed back and got an answer from the PTU , so I went over to investigate . There was a kitty in there . She backed away from the door , but I got a good sniff of her . Neither one of us hissed or growled . Then Mom and foster Mom took the PTU into the safe room and opened the door of the carrier . I was really torn between wanting to keep my distance from my foster Mom , just in case , and seeing what was going on . Karen Jo : I 'll take over for a while , as Herman stayed a ways down the hall . His new sister is a gorgeous black and white tuxie with golden eyes . She has medium long fur . She was a bit shy of coming out of the PTU at first , but came out when I put some Stinky Goodness in her dish . She also had fresh water and Kitten Chow waiting for her . She munched some Kitten Chow and drank a little water . Herman 's foster Mom had to leave , so I walked her to her car and forgot to close the door of the safe room . When I got back , the little girl was back in the carrier and Herman was drinking her water . As I stepped into the room , Herman approached her food dish and she let out a little , very lady - like , growl . I evicted Herman and stayed with her a bit , but she stayed in the carrier . I guess Herman gave her just a little scare . I left her alone for a while and when I returned , she had discovered Herman 's mancat cave . I sat on the couch and reached down and scratched the carpet and she came out to meet me . She wanted to be petted . She is a little shy . She will let me pet her for a while , then she goes back into the cave , then comes out for more . She even rolls over for a belly rub . Her purr motor went into high gear . I am so used to Herman 's almost inaudible purr that it sounds loud to me , but I think it is probably just normal volume . I am going in and visiting for a few minutes every hour or so . Herman spent nearly an hour outside the door to the safe room when she first arrived , but now he is just going about his daily business , though he does go check the door every once in a while . He is always waiting for me there when I come out and has darted in again a couple of times . I think Herman likes her and is eager to make her acquaintance . She is quite a bit smaller than he is and I think she is just a tiny bit afraid of him . Pictures will have to wait until she feels secure enough to come all the way out of the ladycat ( ? ) cave into the light . Just relaxing on the carpet again . Our cold front has passed through and we didn 't get any snow out of it , but it still won 't be warm enough for me to go to my wellness exam by stroller . I wasn 't waiting for my Interferon this morning , but when Mom said that it was time for it and I heard her open the refrigerator , I came right to her to get it . When Mom said that lunch was ready , I came and sat and stared at her until she started sharing her chicken with me . I have decided that some leftovers are yummy . Mom kept fishing out little chicken chunks for me and I ate six or seven of them , which is a lot for me . I like some people food , but I prefer cat food , especially treats . Tonight things got crazy again . Mom came home and did what she usually does until it was time for her to blog . Instead of turning on the computer , she started messing around in my old safe room , moving stuff around and out of the room . Then she got out the sucky monster and I hid . Now my scratching post , which I hardly ever use , is missing . Something is up . Karen Jo : I know that she is in a high - kill shelter on death row because of her leukemia . That 's enough for me . Your foster Mom saved you from euthanasia when she took you in and kept you until I could find you and bring you home . This time the foster homes are full and desperately trying to place kitties before kitten season starts . If I don 't go get her , she will most likely be put to sleep . Karen Jo : I am going to give you a good long time to get used to each other , several months at least . If the two of you just can 't learn to get along or tolerate each other , then I will work with the Friends of the Shelter to find her a forever home . Either way , she will get a chance to live . Karen Jo : She is going to stay in the safe room until the two of you get used to each other . You are going to have to share some of my time with her starting as soon as she arrives . You are going to have to share your toys with her , too . Once she comes out of the safe room , you will have to share everything with her . |
June 29 , 2012 by Tabbert 's Treasures I was very sick last winter and finally feel good again . My remaining issue is that I can 't seem to do any exercise more strenuous than walking . When I do , I can 't catch my breath and end up in a coughing fit . So , I 've continued doctoring to get to the bottom of this issue . I 've had lung function tests , exercise tests , heart tests , etc . and they have come out pretty normal . My lung doctor requested a sinus CT which showed lots of concerns . This led me to see an ENT in Indianapolis named Dr . Ulm . At my visit he suggested surgery to repair my billateral sinusitis ; open up both sides , the right side being completely blocked . I had lots of scar tissue so he thought I 'd had lots of sinus infections that went untreated . I know of two sinus infections and they were pretty painful and made me think all my teeth were rotten , so it seemed odd that I wouldn 't know I had one . I told Dr . Ulm that I wasn 't ready to have surgery and he said we could do some allergy testing and see how I did this coming winter and then decide . At the end of May , I met with a speech pathologist who explained that the medicine I take for acid reflux neutralized the acid in my stomach for 14 hours . This means that by evening the acid is no longer neutralized and this is often when I lay down to go to sleep which allows the acid to easily get to the back of my throat at my vocal chords . She explained that my vocal chords have been damaged by this acid . Therefore , when I breathe in through my mouth and the air hits my vocal chords , it causes the sensation that I need to cough . She explained that my vocal chords could be repaired in 3 months by taking the acid reflux medicine twice a day instead of once a day . This would keep the acid neutralized 24 hours a day . She also talked about the high possibility of me having vocal chord disfunction . My vocal chords have been closing to keep the acid from coming up and causing me to vomit , but now they are closing up when I take deep breathes through my mouth ( like when exercising ) . I have to retrain my vocal chords not to do this . She taught me some breathing exercises to try that can open up my vocal chords when they lock up on me and I feel like I 'm gasping for air . It was so great to talk to her and hear reasons for my gasping for air . The same day I went back to my wonderful pulmonologist , Dr . Karen Wolf . She showed me my sinus CT scan and compared a normal sinus scan to mine . She also showed my deviated septum and explained how hard it has to be to breathe through my nose . My right sinus ( under my eye area ) was completely blocked with scar tissue . Dr . Wolf felt it was necessary for me to have the sinus surgery and that this would help my breathing / exercise issues . She felt that if I could breathe better through my nose , I wouldn 't need to breathe through my mouth all the time when exercising . She also prescribed my acid reflux meds for twice a day to help with the issue the speech pathologist had discussed . I really value her opinion and since she thought it would help with my real health concerns , I went ahead and scheduled the sinus surgery . I didn 't make another appt . to see the ENT prior to surgery , so I started to look online and when I found a video of the surgery on youtube , I couldn 't watch more than a minute . I 'm glad that I quit , as I 've read some really bad stuff about the surgery in the last two days . I thought I would share my experience as it hasn 't been nearly as bad as most people seem to have had . Of course , it seems that when people have a bad experience they tell everyone about it , and when someone has a good experience , they don 't spread the word as much . June 27th we set our alarm for 2 : 45 am . We quickly showered and got dressed and hit the road by 3 : 30 . We arrived at IUPUI by 5 : 55 our time ( 6 : 55 Indiana time ) . We checked in and did the presurgery stuff . The anesthesiologist came to talk to us and Dr . Ulm came in to go over the procedure . I was a little alarmed when they said it wasn 't uncommon to have your teeth chipped during the procedure . I sure didn 't want that to happen ! The Dr . explained that he would do a new procedure to stop the bleeding so that my nose wouldn 't have to be packed . That sounded like great news . My friend Tricia , who works at the hospital , came to check on me which was nice . Everyone was really nice and I didn 't get very nervous ( surprisingly ) . Finally it was time for my surgery at 9 : 00 ( 8 : 00 Illinois time ) and I walked back to the surgery area . This was an interesting walk as they made Darren take my glasses and I 'm really blind without contacts / glasses . I held onto the nurse for dear life and still crashed into a few things ! I then climbed up on the surgical table , but couldn 't breath with my head down lower than my chest . They got me some pillows , warm blankets , and started the IV 's and giving me the anesthesia . It didn 't take long and I was out . When I finally awoke , I was totally drowsy and sweating like crazy . The sweet nurse kept getting cool cloths and wiping me down . Of course , I also had the urge to vomit over and over . I hadn 't eaten anything , so it was mostly dry heaves . My friend Tricia came back to check on me and I 'm sure I grossed her out with all my gagging . It was just so hard to open my eyes , I was completely exhausted . Then they moved me into the post - op room and I moved into a recliner . Darren was able to come in and I asked if my teeth were ok and they were . Tricia came back and we visited a bit . My nose and throat were hurting , but it wasn 't THAT bad . She encouraged me to get a puke pan for the drive home . I didn 't think we were anywhere near ready to head home , but I was wrong . Soon , one of the nurses told Darren to go get the car and that she would bring me out front in a wheel chair . The nurse handed me my bag of clothes and told me to get dressed and open the door when I was finished . I couldn 't believe I was expected to do this myself . Why didn 't they let Darren stay to help me ? Somehow , I got my clothes on and managed to open the door and then I fell back asleep . Soon , the nurse had me in the wheelchair and took me out to get in the car . I can 't believe how quick they move you out ! The ride home seemed to take forever . My sweet husband remembered my request in nearly all of my previous surgeries … . a banana shake from Steak - n - Shake . He got me one in Terre Haute , but they didn 't include a spoon . I tried to use the straw , but it felt like too much pressure in my nose . I managed eat some of it , but slept most of the ride home . We got home around 2 : 30 our time , and I went straight to bed . I spent the rest of the day in bed . Darren offered to go get me some food , but I had no desire to eat anything . My throat hurt really bad from the breathing tube . Obviously , my nose hurt too . I took my pain meds and antibiotics along with my regular meds . At about 2 : 00 am , I awoke and felt awful . I think I was breathing through my mouth , but as I would drift off to sleep , I would try breathing through my nose and that just didn 't work . I got up and went to the kitchen and tried to use the netti pot . However , my nose was completely blocked and nothing was flowing through except some blood . I sat up in the recliner for the rest of the night . It helped to be more upright and I kept drinking cold lemonaide which felt good on my throat . The next morning Darren went to work and mom came to stay with me . She brought me afrin which the doctor had recommended . I sprayed it in my nose and like magic I could breath again . If I had known it would work so well , I would have sent Darren out to get some in the middle of the night ! My throat felt a little better as the day went on . I still didn 't have much desire to eat anything , but cool yogurt did feel good on my throat . My sister Becky came over as well . Her and mom cleaned out a few of my kitchen cabinets , mom worked on my flowers , and dad even came over and cut down one of our dead trees . Of course , they were taking care of my kids as well as feeding them . My friend Anna came over to visit and bring some goodies too . My Aunt Jan and cousin Amy stopped by too . It is so nice to have friends and family take care of me ! I slept quite a bit and kept taking my pain meds every 6 hours to prevent the pain from getting too bad . My biggest complaint was really bad headaches . I read online that these sinus headaches can last for 1 to 2 weeks post - surgery . I hope that isn 't the case for me ! I uploaded , edited , and ordered over 200 pictures from Walgreens that day too . In the evening , I was ready to get out of the house for a bit so we headed over to my sister 's and Darren and Kolten swam while I played with Miley . I came home and went to bed and slept all night until Darren 's alarm went off at 6 : 30 . I was so happy that I could breathe through my nose and sleep . I went back to sleep until 9 : 00 and then showered and hung out with Kolten for the day ( Kendall had spent the night at a friend 's ) . I told my family that we would be ok and they didn 't need to come stay with me . It wasn 't long and Kolten started vomiting . Maybe I would need them after all ! However , he was just cuddly , so we watched movies most of the day . Becky dropped off my pictures from Walgreens , so I put those in photo albums , and then we napped some more . Kolten had another vomiting episode after eating carrots and now thinks he 's allergic to them . My biggest pain today is my upper stomach , just below my breasts in the center . The doctor thought this was probably a result of my dry heaving so much following anesthesia . He said if it gets worse over the weekend to call . Or , maybe I 'm starting to feel the acid reflux pain that I have never felt . I have an appt . set up to see Dr . Ulm on July 5th . Tonight I again wanted to get out of the house . I rode along to take Kendall to ball practice and then we went out to eat and visited Darren 's parents . We picked Kendall up from practice and came home . I watered my flowers and then got to work on this . I just want to say that it hasn 't been that bad . This is my 7th surgery and probably one of the easiest . Yes , its not completely comfortable , but I can get around fine ( unlike with c - sections , shoulder , and foot surgeries ) . Each day seems to be better and I 'm a little less tired . I 'm glad I didn 't read all the negative blogs about this surgery prior to mine or I would have been freaked out . I just hope this takes care of my exercise / breathing problem ! June 29 , 2012 by Tabbert 's Treasures I was very sick last winter and finally feel good again . My remaining issue is that I can 't seem to do any exercise more strenuous than walking . When I do , I can 't catch my breath and end up in a coughing fit . So , I 've continued doctoring to get to the bottom of this issue . I 've had lung function tests , exercise tests , heart tests , etc . and they have come out pretty normal . My lung doctor requested a sinus CT which showed lots of concerns . This led me to see an ENT in Indianapolis named Dr . Ulm . At my visit he suggested surgery to repair my billateral sinusitis ; open up both sides , the right side being completely blocked . I had lots of scar tissue so he thought I 'd had lots of sinus infections that went untreated . I know of two sinus infections and they were pretty painful and made me think all my teeth were rotten , so it seemed odd that I wouldn 't know I had one . I told Dr . Ulm that I wasn 't ready to have surgery and he said we could do some allergy testing and see how I did this coming winter and then decide . At the end of June , I met with a speech pathologist who explained that the medicine I take for acid reflux neutralized the acid in my stomach for 14 hours . This means that by evening the acid is no longer neutralized and this is often when I lay down to go to sleep which allows the acid to easily get to the back of my throat at my vocal chords . She explained that my vocal chords have been damaged by this acid . Therefore , breathing in through my mouth causes the sensation that I need to cough . She explained that my vocal chords could be repaired in 3 months by taking the acid reflux medicine twice a day instead of once a day . This would keep the acid neutralized 24 hours a day . She also talked about the high possibility of me having vocal chord disfunction . My vocal chords have been closing to keep the acid from coming up and causing me to vomit , but now they are closing up when I take deep breathes through my mouth ( like when exercising ) . I have to retrain my vocal chords not to do this . She taught me some breathing exercises to try that can open up my vocal chords when they lock up on me and I feel like I 'm gasping for air . It was so great to talk to her and hear reasons for my gasping for air . The same day I went back to my wonderful pulmonologist , Dr . Karen Wolf . She showed me my sinus CT scan and compared a normal sinus scan to mine . She also showed my deviated septum and explained how hard it has to be to breathe through my nose . My right sinus ( under my eye area ) was completely blocked with scar tissue . Dr . Wolf felt it was necessary for me to have the sinus surgery and that this would help my breathing / exercise issues . She felt that if I could breathe better through my nose , I wouldn 't need to breathe through my mouth all the time when exercising . She also prescribed my acid reflux meds for twice a day to help with the issue the speech pathologist had discussed . I really value her opinion and since she thought it would help with my real health concerns , I went ahead and scheduled the sinus surgery . I didn 't make another appt . to see the ENT prior to surgery , so I started to look online and when I found a video on youtube , I couldn 't watch more than a minute . I 'm glad that I quit , as I 've read some really bad stuff about the surgery in the last two days . I thought I would share my experience as it hasn 't been nearly as bad as most people seem to have had . June 27th we set our alarm for 2 : 45 am . We quickly showered and got dressed and hit the road by 3 : 30 . We arrived at IUPUI by 5 : 55 our time ( 6 : 55 Indiana time ) . We checked in and did the presurgery stuff . The anesthesiologist came to talk to us and Dr . Ulm came in to go over the procedure . I was a little alarmed when they said it wasn 't uncommon to have your teeth chipped during the procedure . I sure didn 't want that to happen ! The Dr . explained that he would do a new procedure to stop the bleeding so that my nose wouldn 't have to be packed . That sounded like great news . My friend Tricia , who works at the hospital , came to check on me which was nice . Everyone was really nice and I didn 't get very nervous ( surprisingly ) . Finally it was time for my surgery at 9 : 00 ( 8 : 00 Illinois time ) and I walked back to the surgury area . This was an interesting walk as they made Darren take my glasses and I 'm really blind without contacts / glasses . I held onto the nurse for dear life and still crashed into a few things ! I then climbed up on the surgical table , but couldn 't breath with my head down lower than my chest . They got me some pillows , warm blankets , and started the IV 's and giving me the anesthesia . It didn 't take long and I was out . When I finally awoke , I was totally drowsy and had the urge to vomit over and over . I hadn 't eaten anything , so it was mostly dry heaves . My friend Tricia came back to check on me and I 'm sure I grossed her out with all my gagging . It was just so hard to open my eyes , I was completely exhausted . Then they moved me into the post - op room and I moved into a recliner . Darren was able to come in and I asked if my teeth were ok and they were . Tricia came back and we visited a bit . My nose and throat were hurting , but it wasn 't THAT bad . She encouraged me to get a puke pan for the drive home . I didn 't think we were anywhere near ready to head home , but I was wrong . Soon , one of the nurses told Darren to go get the car and she would bring me out front in a wheel chair . The nursThe next morning Darren went to work and mom came to stay with me . She brought me afrin which the doctor had recommended . I sprayed it in my nose and like magic I could breath again . If I had known it would work so well , I would have sent Darren out to get some in the middle of the night ! My throat felt a little better as the day went on . I still didn 't have much desire to eat anything . My sister Becky came over as well . Her and mom cleaned out a few of my kitchen cabinets , mom worked on my flowers , and dad even came over and cut down one of our dead trees . Of course , they were taking care of my kids as well as feeding them . My friend Anna came over to visit and bring some goodies too . It is so nice to have friends and family take care of me ! I slept quite a bit and kept taking my pain meds every 6 hours to prevent the pain from getting too bad . My biggest complaint was really bad headaches . I read online that these sinus headaches can last for 1 to 2 weeks post - surgery . I hope that isn 't the case for me ! I uploaded , edited , and ordered over 200 pictures from Walgreens that day too . In the evening , I was ready to get out of the house for a bit so we headed over to my sister 's and Darren and Kolten swam while I played with Miley . I came home and went to bed and slept all night until Darren 's alarm went off at 6 : 30 . I was happy that I could breathe through my nose . I slept until 9 : 00 and then showered and hung out with Kolten for the day ( Kendall had spent the night at a friend 's ) . I told my family that we would be ok and they didn 't need to come stay with me . It wasn 't long and Kolten started vomiting . Maybe I would need them after all ! However , he was just cuddly , so we watched movies most of the day . Becky dropped off my pictures from Walgreens , so I put those in photo albums , and then we napped some more . My biggest pain today was my upper stomach , just below my breasts . The doctor thought this was probably a result of my dry heaving so much following anesthesia . He said if it gets worse over the weekend to call . I have an appt . set up to see Dr . Ulm on July 5th . Tonight I again wanted to get out of the house . I rode along to take Kendall to ball practice and then we went out to eat and visited Darren 's parents . We picked Kendall up from practice and came home . I watered my flowers and then got to work on this . I just want to say that it hasn 't been that bad . This is my 7th surgery and probably one of the easiest . Yes , its not completely comfortable , but I can get around fine . Each day seems to be better and I 'm a little less tired . I 'm glad I didn 't read all the negative blogs about this surgery prior to mine or I would have been freaked out . Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment » Annoying People June 13 , 2012 by Tabbert 's Treasures Our busy summer is off and running . Today started with dropping Kendall off at swim practice at 7 : 30 . Then Kolten and I went to my friend 's house and headed out for an hour and a half walk around town ( while Kolten led the way on his scooter ) . At 9 : 00 , I dropped Kolten off at swim practice and took Kendall and two friends to a pick up game at the park . I picked Kolten up from the pool at 10 : 00 and we went to the park and then headed back over to watch Kendall play ball . Every Wednesday our park district offers a pick - up game from 9 : 30 - 11 : 30 at Community Park for 9 - 12 year old boys . The park district provides one staff member to oversee the game . Kendall loves to play baseball and really enjoys going to this each week . I sat on the bleachers and read the newspaper , but couldn 't help but to be distracted by one of the boy 's constant negative comments . He was telling one child that his home run in last week 's khoury league game was only because the other team had no defense . This boy made snide remarks about another child who had a hard time hitting the ball . He then made fun of Kendall 's shop towel ( that we use instead of the more expensive Frog Tog ) . Next he complained that his own team should hurry up and make three outs because he was bored and wanted to go home . The constant use of the word " fricken " didn 't appeal to me either . It just saddens me that something that should be fun ( and is optional ) is turned into a place to bully other kids . If he doesn 't want to come , why does he ? I debated stepping in and saying something as I don 't think the person on staff could hear what was going on in the dugout right next to me . I hope my kids never act in such a way … . and if they do , please tell me right away ! We came home with two of Kendall 's friends for the afternoon . We walked in the house and one commented that he really liked my kitchen cabinets . Is that something that a 10 year old boy notices ? Both boys were super polite ( even when I served under - cooked corn dogs ) and thanked me over and over . I guess I 'm just happy that Kendall 's friends are good kidsJ We had a text mid - morning that Kendall 's traveling team was going to have practice at 4 : 15 today . I was afraid I wasn 't going to be able to get him there at that time . Yesterday I posted lots of Darren 's clothes for sale on the Effingham Garage Sale site and a lady said she was coming to purchase an item at 4 : 00 . I had given her my cell phone number , but I didn 't have hers . I told Darren that as soon as she showed up I would take Kendall to practice ( hoping she would be early ) . However , by 4 : 15 when Darren got home from work , she still hadn 't showed up . At 4 : 20 she sent me a message on Facebook saying that she had just talked to her son and the size wouldn 't fit him . I was so angry . She had my cell # . Why didn 't she sent me a quick text or call to let me know rather than make me wait at home for her ? I could care less that she bowed out on the sale ; it 's that my son was late to practice because she didn 't have the common courtesy to let me know ( prior to the arranged time ) that she wasn 't coming . June 5 , 2012 by Tabbert 's Treasures About two weeks ago , my dad called and told me that he was missing one of his shoes for umpiring . My parents had watched my boys the previous day and they had ran errands with my boys in the back seat of Dad 's truck . Dad wondered if my kids had seen the shoes . I asked Kendall first and he said that there was a lot of umpiring stuff in the back seat , but he wasn 't sure whether there was one or two shoes . So , I ventured to ask Kolten whether he had noticed one or two of Grandpa 's umpiring shoes in the back seat . Kolten said , " Well , there were two until we went to a store , then one fell out . " I thought he was joking , but that was it . Upon further questioning he said that he FORGOT to pick up the shoe or tell anyone . Seriously , how do you FORGET to pick up a shoe that you knock out of a vehicle ? So , after determining that it was a store with an orange roof where it fell out , we took a quick drive over to the Effingham Equity to see if it happened to be in the parking lot . No such luck . I kept telling Kolten about how irresponsible this was and that he would have to pay $ 50 to buy Grandpa new shoes . He seemed to feel bad , but the money thing didn 't bother him . He said he has lots more than $ 50 in his bank account . This irritated me even more . We talked about how that money was to be used for college or to buy a car some day . It was not for wasting on a shoe that you were too lazy to pick up ! I made Kolten call his Grandpa and apologize . Kolten was nervous about this but as soon as Kolten told Grandpa Dave that he would pay $ 50 for a new shoe , Grandpa quickly told him that wouldn 't be necessary and that he should buy a good bat for baseball instead . I was like , " What , are you kidding me ? I want this kid to feel bad right now ! " So Kolten gets off the phone and says , " Grandpa isn 't even mad at me . " The next morning I call the Effingham Equity and ask if they happened to find a man 's black umpiring shoe in the parking lot two days before . I was surprised when the lady told me that they did . I told her that I would be by to pick it up around noon . In the mean time , we called Grandpa Dave and my mom to tell them the good news . At noon , we stopped by the Equity and I ran in to pick up the shoe . However , it could not be located . After looking around , another guy said that they had thrown it away since no one had called within 24 hours of losing it . It wouldn 't have been so bad , but I had already told my dad that it had been found ! The Equity worker could see I was upset and he told me that I could look in the dumpster and that it would be in a white trash bag filled with office paper . I walked over to the giant dumpster , but could only reach one white bag . I opened it , but the shoe was not inside . I was about to walk away as there was no way I was going to climb INSIDE the dumpster , when two very nice employees came out to help me . They were equipped with gloves and a rake to reach the bags down deep in the dumpster . They ended up finding the white trash bag inside a black trash bag . The shoe was safely inside a bag filled with office scraps ( nothing yucky ) . I thanked the men over and over and went on my way to return the missing shoe to my dad . The only problem now is that my 6 year old felt even less guilty about the issue since the shoe was found . I was talking to my sister about it and asked for her advice on what to do to make him realize how bad of a decision he made . She thought for a while and suggested waiting a week or so and then " losing " something of his out of the car and later telling him that I forgot to pick it up . So , today I finally had a good opportunity . He left his red Cardinal helmet in the car , so I snuck it into a good hiding spot . I knew he would be looking for it when it was time to get ready for Kendall 's game as Kolten is the bat boy and always wears this helmet . After he got ready for the game , he started looking for the helmet and asked if Kendall or I had seen it . I said , " Yes , I saw it but when I got Brady out of the car at Kohl 's yesterday , it fell out and rolled under the car . " He said , " Did you put it back in the car ? " I said , " No , I couldn 't reach it and then I forgot about it when we left . " He was REALLY upset and told me that I was going to have to pay for a new one . We made a pretend phone call to Kohl 's and were told that no one had turned in a Cardinal helmet . He went off crying . I hate to lie to my kids , but I feel this is the only way he 's going to learn his lesson . I plan to give it back in a couple days . He was heart - broken that he wouldn 't have the helmet to be the bat boy during Kendall 's game , but even more so that he wouldn 't have it for his own first small fry game . Kendall was way too nice and let Kolten borrow his helmet . I sure hope he still learns his lesson ! May 9 , 2012 by Tabbert 's Treasures My ten year old had to write an essay to be published in our local paper for Mother 's Day . He had mentioned it a time or two , mostly about how much he hates writing . I kept asking him for hints about what he was writing , but he wouldn 't give up any information . When I read it in tonight 's paper , I just had to laugh . It is so HIM . The entire thing is about sports . It 's not a letter that tells how loving or caring I am , or how I help him … it all goes back to what 's important to him … sports ! Here 's the letter : My mom , Jackie Tabbert , is one of the best moms in the world ! She deserves the Mother of the Year award because she is very friendly . Everyone should agree that my mom is the Mother of the Year . The first reason that she should be Mother of the Year is because she lets me play sports . She lets me play flag football for the Cowboys , swim team for the Red Tide , baseball for Effingham Clay Service and The Future , and basketball for Teutopolis Blue Streaks and Teutopolis Park District . She also spends a lot of money on gas for all the games we have to go to that are out of town . We also have to spend a lot of time out of our neighborhood because of all the sports my brother and I play . My mom is very active with our family . The next reason she should be Mother of the Year is because she lets me go to baseball games . She lets me go to Cardinal games , Teutopolis and Effingham Jr . High and High school games , and Minor League games . One time I caught one of the home run balls . We are also in the Cardinals Kids Club so we get a lot of free tickets for home games . We went to one of the THS games that Derek Thompson threw a perfect game and hit a walk off homer . It is really fun to go to baseball games with my mom . I guess all of our talks about how expensive gas is and that its a privilege to play on travel teams has sunk in ! As I 've said before , Kendall is not my sentimental kid . This is probably as close to " I love you " as I 'll ever hear : ( Every night when I tell him that I love him he responds with , " Me too " . I say , " Well , its good that you love yourself , but what about me ? " He just laughs . Other than that , I guess this letter proves that I have no choice but to be a " Sports Mama " . * When I was in college and moved to an off - campus apartment , Mom and Grandpa came to visit . We had a washing machine , but our dryer was junk and would take hours to dry a load . I knew Grandpa would be able to help me put up a clothesline in the backyard . Now , Grandpa used a politically incorrect term , and said , " Sure , I can nigger - rig something " just as my new black neighbors walked out their back door . I was so embarrassed and Grandpa didn 't even realize what he said was inappropriate . * While Darren and I were gone on our honeymoon , Grandpa rounded up some help and came to my house in Salem and had a grand time . He put a toilet on my front porch with hotdogs floating in it . The entire front yard was lined with forks , the place was toilet papered , and such . Though it was a mess to come home to ( and I had no idea how to get rid of the toilet ) , it meant so much to me that Grandpa cared enough to do this ! * Grandpa loved coming to my house because he knew there was sure to be card games going on . He loved playing cards . When we first got married , we just had a little glass - top table and Grandpa hated it . I think he was afraid he would break it if he pounded his hand too hard when he lost a game ! * Last fall , while Grandpa needed around the clock care , I took an afternoon shift . Grandpa wanted to go for a ride , and asked if I would take him to Jewett where Ted was farming . He claimed Ted might need help moving a vehicle , but I think he just wanted to check up on him ! Kendall and I helped Grandpa get in his truck and off we went . Grandpa told us who lived in nearly every house we passed and shared stories from years ago . After getting to the field and finding that Ted didn 't really need help , we drove around checking out some of the other fields , and then he was really excited to show Kendall the " street cars " in Jewett . Kendall kept asking what street cars were , so we explained how they had them in big cities like Chicago years ago . When we finally arrived in the little town of Jewett , Grandpa kept asking Kendall if he found the street cars yet . Kendall was so confused and didn 't realize this was yet another of Grandpa 's jokes . Oh , and Grandpa said I was better at driving in the country than in town … . as I often hit the curbs when driving his big truck ! * My kids were probably the luckiest of his great - grandkids . They spent a lot of time with Grandpa Chuck and got to know him really well . Kendall enjoyed showing G - pa his medals and awards and playing rummy or highest . Kolten may have gotten a little of his personality from Grandpa . Kolten loves to tease and joke just like Grandpa . Their biggest topic of teasing had to be the Cardinals and Cubs . Kolten LOVES the Cardinals and Grandpa Chuck LOVES the Cubs . My kids also loved playing marbles , eating cookies , and drinking soda with Grandpa Chuck . * Grandpa hated being in the hospital and nursing home ( where he spent about 2 weeks in rehab last summer ) . He wanted to be home , but my mom , Ted , and Jan couldn 't do it without help . Grandpa was privileged to have several great caregivers , but Anna was one who really touched G - pa 's life and seemed to become another member of the family . She grew to love him as much as we did . It was just the sweetest thing to see her take care of him and kiss him on the cheek . She was also one of the big forces behind G - pa getting back in the combine last fall . She was so excited to see him and took numerous pictures of the occasion . I am forever grateful to these wonderful ladies who made his last 8 months the best they could be . As a preteen Chuck and his brother were playing with matches in the barn and started it on fire . They were so scared that they ran inside and hid under the bed . The whole barn burned down ! Chuck went to Sacred Heart School and had to walk past South Side every day to get home . The South Side kids would call them " Cat lickers " ( for being Catholic ) on a daily basis . One day , Chuck and his brothers got tired of it , and beat up the South Side kids . The next day they got called into Fr . Doyl 's office . Once they explained what the reason was , he told them to go ahead and do it again ! When Charles was 14 , he worked on Dick Hardiek 's farm . Tudie was also there babysitting for her nieces and nephews . Charles caught a glimpse of her and thought she was cute so he threw her in a water trough . He knew she was the " ONE " when she didn 't get mad , just laughed . At age 21 , Chuck and Tudie got married and lived with her parents while working on her family 's farm . A couple years later , they moved 2 miles down the road and raised peeps in the upstairs bedroom . When they moved to Montrose a few years later , Chuck bought his first tractor , a 1943 red F21 with steel wheels . By this time Chuck and Tudie were happy to have three children , Charlene , Dick , and Mike . They kept busy with farming and family life . After Tudie 's parents retired and moved to town , Chuck and Tudie and their young family moved to the Hardiek farm . Three more children , Judy , Ted , and Jan were born at this home . Chuck also fell in love with his dairy cows and built one of the 1st elevated milking parlors in the area . From the 1960 's on , Chuck would only buy John Deere green tractors and machinery . When the boys bought an orange AC in the late 80 's , he refused to drive it . Chuck and Tudie enjoyed square dancing , bowling , and watching their sons play fast pitch softball at the KC Hall . Chuck thought a shot of whiskey made everything better . He loved his Cubbies and one of his favorite trips was going to Wrigley Field to cheer on his favorite team . Age 88 was a big year for Chuck - he joined the modern world of technology and got his very own cell phone . After getting stuck in the tractor a few times , he wanted to be able to reach Ted if he needed something . A couple months later while disking , he needed help due to the hydraulic hoses becoming unhooked . He waited over an hour before Ted came and checked on him . When asked why he didn 't use his cell phone to call , he responded , " I forgot I had one in my front pocket " . Chuck always loved cards . He often commented he had a dog from each town . From an early age , he taught his grandkids how to play starting out with " highest " and " war " . His favorite game changed over the years : Pinnacle , Pepper , Solo , Pitch , Hearts , O ' Heck . He finished the last few years playing spades and was looking forward to teaching Tudie how to play once they met again . I 'm sure Chuck would want everyone to know , the last card game of his life … he beat Dave Bloemer by 1 pt . Chuck had many loves in his life : his wife , family , farming , playing cards , and the Cubs . However , love struck again in 2006 - when Culver 's opened in Effingham . Chuck always liked fried chicken and ate Culver 's chicken 3 - 4 times / week . He continued this until he got put on his low sodium diet last fall . Chuck was a great example of true loyalty . He loved his Cubs and even though they never won a World Series in his lifetime , he never lost hope . He 'd constantly say , " There 's always next year " . Days before he passed when asked the secret to living to 90 + , without hesitation he responded , " Gotta be a Cubs Fan " . Chuck lived a long and prosperous life . He was an example of work hard / play hard , always be on - time , and never miss Sunday mass . Even though he was never late a minute in his life , he showed up just a day late for Tudie 's 91st b - day party in Heaven . I 've often heard , " Grandparents are God 's gift to children " , that sure was the case with Grandpa Chuck . Grandpa had 31 grandchildren and 42 great - grandchildren . We all sincerely thank God for the opportunity to see , hear , and feel all that Grandpa Chuck had to offer for so many years . Even though Grandpa was growing old on the outside , he remained young on the inside . One of his favorite past - times was to tease his grandkids . It was never a good idea to come hungry to a meal with Grandpa , as he would give you a dime sized amount of food and say " Is that enough ? Grandpa would gulf down his food and then sneak his empty chicken bones onto our plates to see our awestruck reaction . A phone call from Grandpa always started with him asking , " How 's your gizzard ? " We 'd laugh and respond it was doing just fine . A birthday didn 't stop the teasing . He was famous for putting his hand in front of us while blowing out our candles . He had to make sure we had at least one boy or girlfriend . He persistently asked how many boyfriends we had and if they were sweet or sour , even if we were only 10 years old . As we got older and actually started dating , the teasing progressed to our significant others . Once they showed up at family Christmas , the anonymous " Santa " gifts started arriving . Whether it was stacks of plastic cups , old kitchen utensils , freebie hats , or chicken figurines … . Grandpa LOVED giving gag gifts . When we got our white slips , Grandpa would let us drive him around ; until we hit too many curbs … ( cough ) Beth ( cough ) . We knew he really trusted us once he let us drive down hamburger alley . Grandpa loved eating at Cruisers , McDonalds , and Niemergs . After Sunday morning mass , our ritual was : head to Save - A - Lot and buy peppermints , circus peanuts , popcorn , and a pack of bacon . We also had work days at Grandpa 's where we would deep clean the inside of the house and work on the landscaping outside . Grandpa enjoyed supervising from the front porch . In appreciation , he rewarded us all with Niemerg 's chicken for lunch and a $ 5 bill . Nearly every month , we were eager to help Grandpa make a new batch of blackberry jelly using Grandma 's famous recipe . He couldn 't eat a piece of toast without layering on the jelly . Hence , a jar barely lasted him but two days . Grandpa sure had a sweet tooth , but the sweetness didn 't stop there . Grandpa taught us not to sweat the small stuff . No matter what happened , he always had an upbeat outlook on life . He could often be heard saying , " Better days a - comin . " His happy - go - lucky attitude is why we looked forward to spending the night with him . The simple joy of spending time together was what meant the most , but the unlimited cookies and soda didn 't hurt either . Though Grandpa had a hearing aid , he proved to be an amazing listener . He loved listening to our mischievous stories and he would reminisce about his ornery years . We could EVEN count on Grandpa to keep our stories a secret from our parents . As our family chain continues to grow , we will always remember the love and laughter from Grandpa Chuck . As his youngest grandchild enters high school next year , and more great grandchildren arrive , his legacy will forever be in our hearts . We thank you Grandpa for being the best grandparent a kid could ask for . With you as our guardian angel , we 're confident love and laughter will forever be a part of us . I am soooo going to miss my Grandpa and the visits we had several times a week . But , as I looked out my front window this morning , I noticed the trees that he gave me are starting to bloom . It 'll be a constant reminder that he 'll always be with us , but I just wish heaven wasn 't so far away ! I am trying to remember how lucky I am to have had an amazing Grandpa for 35 years and to have had such a great relationship with him . March 7 , 2012 by Tabbert 's Treasures I have one living Grandparent . As a child , I referred to him as Grandpa Kreke . He was the guy who was always teasing me . Every phone call had him asking how my gizzard was doing . Every meal had him serving a dime sized amount of food and asking , " Is that enough ? " Birthdays always included a box of rocks from Grandpa . He was always asking how many boyfriends I had and if they were coming to Christmas ( even if I was only 10 ) . We only lived a country block away , so we spent plenty of time together over the years . Grandpa loved farming and everything that went with it . To this day , one of his goals is to get back up in the combine . I try to visit at least once a week and love that my boys have gotten to know him so well too . They are used to his teasing and Kolten knows that after a handshake , Grandpa will be offering him cookies and a soda . Grandpa Chuck ( as we now refer to him ) is 91 and has really been going downhill recently . After several hospitalizations and a stint in a nursing home for rehab this summer , Grandpa has required around - the - clock care at home . He needs help with most daily activities . Grandpa 's legs cause him lots of pain and he doesn 't have much strength . The last several months have brought new " toys " such as a hospital bed , walker , lift chair , portable toilet , and now a walker with an attached seat . My mom , aunt , and uncle spend several hours every day making sure that his needs are being met . They put their own lives on hold to make sure that they are available when he needs them . Whether a middle of the night phone call , trip to the hospital or doctor , purchasing sodium - free groceries , picking up medicines , paying his bills , giving him a shower , and arranging schedules for the outside caregivers , and simply spending time with him , they do all they can to help out . I often worry about my Mom and her hectic schedule at a time in life when she should be slowing down . She stops by Grandpa 's house each morning before teaching all day . She then goeI love this picture of Kolten and Grandpa from several years back . |
Today on the way to class , loaded down with an arm load of books , a back pack , my purse and a cloth bag for the books I couldn 't carry or fit in my backpack , I happened by an elderly man in an electric wheelchair . He was similarly loaded down , and he and his aide made their way towards the same building I was headed for . I greeted him and called out , " Now you 've found an easier way to haul everything , " and he laughed and raised up his hand in a salute . I called out , " Have a good day , " and then bustled off to my class . I was cutting it pretty close . I 'd headed out on a bright clear mountain morning . However , by the time that I got off the hill and headed towards the New York State line , I was running into some very unexpected pea soup fog . It had slowed me down . I was running a bit late . So I hauled into class and plopped down at the back of the class as is my custom , and the next thing I know , this man is wheeling in our door . Heck . If I 'd have known he was headed my way , I 'd have asked him to carry some of my books ! In any case , this man is Henry Wesley . Henry is about the most amazing man that I 've ever met in my life . He was dropped off at the doors of Willowbrook Mental Institution when he was just three years old . He spent his formative years in a crib . Because he could not speak , he was erroneously assumed to be retarded . Through his speaking computer , he told us what it was like to be a child in such a place , the squalor and the abuse , straight jackets , isolation , dead bodies stacked in the halls sometimes . Later , when I got home , listening to clips from the institution , the first thing was the noise . Imagine listening to that noise for all of your life , day in and day out . But he did , and eventually Geraldo Rivera was part of a big expose that exposed the goings - on there , and the facility was closed down . Mr . Wesley 's life seems to have begun at that point . I listened to his story , and tried to imagine what it would be like to simply have no voice . No choice . No advocate . I couldn 't , frankly , and the thoughtPosted by Okay . An apology is due for the apology . ( My ! These things do get very complicated sometimes , don 't they ? ) Margie ? I am very sorry for assigning you the wrong heritage . Margie ( Bill 's wife ) is Apache . Bill 's daughter in law , Lavina is Navajo , which makes , as Bill pointed out , his two cute grandsons , Kalib and Jobe , Navajo as well . And no , I wasn 't upset to be challenged on this , Bill . Your words were gracious and frank . They carried no sting . I tried to be clear that you were right . It was a thoughtless reporting of a thoughtless remark . It did have the ability to hurt someone 's feelings . I had a chance to go back and delete the remark , but that seemed to be blatently wrong , like denying that you 've said something that you 've said . I know lots of folks who do that . Constantly . Yet they 'll read this blog , take exception to something , and begin to complain . " Yes , " they say , " but your blog says . . . " Yes . Yes , it does , and I stand behind what I say . The interesting thing is that they seem to feel that the spoken word is something that can be disregarded . They seem to feel that because I speak with written words I am to be held to a higher standard than they are , because they only say their words . Nope . Words are words , written , or spoken . If you have used your words unkindly , don 't be surprised to find that those words have hurt someone . Furthermore , if that person is a writing sort of person , don 't be surprised to find their reaction to your words written down someplace . The pain felt reading my words is no more or no less than I felt hearing yours . Still , if I have done something wrong , I like to be clear about that . This particular comment was made in a careless , non - malicious way . However , malice could be read into it . I chose not to delete the words ( in effect , deny their existance ) , because these words , and others like them are uttered every day , in careless ways , maliciously or not . We need to think about the words we use . Whether we say them , whether we write them . Oh , and Bill ? I took no offense . Your remarks wePosted by I 'd really like to make it clear , for anyone who was offended by yesterday 's post , that I am sorry . When the comment was made , " Well , you 'd best ask for a picture , because for all you know , you 're corresponding with an aborigine with a bone in his nose ! " , very simply , I took it at face value . How I read it was ' If Peter had turned out to be an Aborigine , well , Joann would have married a man with a bone in his nose . ' I guess that I 'm kind of oblivious like that . Wasilla Bill is a photojournalist , and a published author , having written " The Gift of the Whale " . He works with indigenous peoples of the north , documenting their lives , their customs , the people themselves . Bill 's wife is Margie , who is a Navajo . He pointed out ( and rightfully so ) , that " I will admit that I was a little taken back by the " aborigine with the bone in the nose " statement , but then all of us have some gaps in our education , so often in particular when it comes to the indigenous people of the lands that we occupy and live in . At certain points in their lives , I can imagine my parents making comparable comments regarding Native Americans - but not after they got to know my wife and the grandchildren she gave them . " I 've been thinking about that all day , and I have been bothered by it . Bill was right to point this out to me , and I am surprised that I missed it . Peter and Joann are lovely people , and while I do not know them well enough to understand what their feelings are on this topic , I would guess that these are not people who would consciously look down on others . I think that it was just a careless phrase , meant to be a joke . However , if you were an indigenous person reading those words , they might have sounded malicious . I apologize for those words . I believe that they were better left unprinted . Unfortunately , they have been printed . This puts me in an interesting dilemma . I could go back , delete them , and pretend they never existed but that would be a lie . I think that it is better to pull those words out , to look at them directly , to aPosted by Today walking in to school , I saw Marty , and we greeted each other cheerfully . " How are you ? " I asked , falling into step . " Better , " she said . We talked about the difficulties of the early days of separation . She decided to re - enroll as a full time student , and I told her , " Maybe it 's what you need right now . Maybe you need to feel competant and smart . Maybe you need to reassure yourself that you can accomplish great things . And you can ! " I assured her . In our lifespan class , we got into a spirited debate about health care reform . There is no right or wrong answer , but we talked about people making poor choices for themselves . My take on it is that many people make poor life choices because they are discouraged and do not see the possibilities . Not at all . If children are raised in that sort of hopelessness , the cycle tends to repeat itself . No answers came from that short class , of course , and the debate threatened to roll on far longer than the alloted class time . The class walked out , but interestingly enough , although we are virtual strangers for the most part , people were talking about this situation . A farm boy said that he felt people did not know how to be self sufficient anymore . A single mother said she knew a lot of parents who were not trying hard enough to do right by their children . The debate continued as we walked downstairs and out the door . We were still at it in the parking lot . I like that . People need to think , to have opinions , to say what they think . Heading home , I passed by the garage door I told you about earlier . It was open . I saw a figure at the window . Impulsively , I turned around and went back for the story , just like I promised you I would . An elderly man watched me walk up the step , and when I knocked on the door , he came to the door , his elderly wife right behind him . " This will be the strangest question you get today , I imagine . . . " and I launched into how I 'd taken a picture of their garage door and I was dying to know how a painting of Sydney Harbo ( u ) r wound up on a garage door in Posted by Today , as an OT activity designed to get to know each other , we had to , without speaking , line ourselves up in order of our ages . Pllt . That was easy enough . Without hesitation , I walked to the end of the line . Stayed there , too . Turned out I was right . I am 11 years older than the woman standing next to me . She was 42 . We had to go down the line and say our names , our age , and tell something interesting about ourselves . It was interesting to get the little glimpses into everyone else and their lives . The more time I spend in the class , the more I feel that this is where I was meant to be . Surprisingly , I 've put myself in a situation where flying by the seat of your pants and having good people skills is a plus . The instructors talk quickly , animatedly , and sometimes lose track of their train of thought just like me . In English composition class , I sit in the back row . The boy who sets next to me is an intense techno kid , obviously very smart . The boy on the other side of him wears a black leather arm band with shell casings , chains , tattoos , the whole nine yards . The teacher says controversial things sometimes just to get something stirred up . She brought up the mosque at ground zero . Mister - wears - his - ammo - on - his wrist obviously had strong feelings on the subject and began to espouse them . I listened , but then I countered with " You know , not all Muslims are radicals . The terrorists are scary people , but there are some fundamentalist Christian groups out there that scare me just as badly . I think that having a mosque there would be an opportunity for the Muslims to try to counter the negative stereotypes that many Americans have about Islam since 9 / 11 . " Mr . WHAOHW immediately shot back , heatedly , " It 's like pouring salt in a wound , " to which I countered , " Interesting metaphor , since the reason one pours salt in a wound is to draw out the infection . " He snapped , " You can do the same thing with maggots ! " to which I responded , mildly , " Yes , you can . " The class went on , and there were many more discussions . Before too Posted by Today in class , the teacher was asking us about optimization for different stages of life . " What is an optimization program for a premie ? " she asked , and I suggested touch therapy . A woman turned around from one of the front rows of the class and stared at me in astonishment . I gazed back , just as astonished . She was in that horrible psych class with me . She 'd lost so much weight that I did not recognize her . After class , I waited for her , and she walked back saying how glad she was to see me , and that she 'd move back to where I sat next class . It was a relief to her to see a familiar face in the class , and , really , it 's a relief to me as well . There is another girl from A and P who is friendly enough , but she 's much younger . M and I are closer in age , both of us mothers , both of us working and juggling . We were the two oldest students in the psych class if I remember correctly , and the teacher had us both gnashing our teeth . We had a common bond there , and helped each other get through that fiasco . We walked down the hall talking , and I said , " You look really great ! " and she said flatly , " My husband and I have separated . " Not sure what to say , I said , I dumbed around . In frustration , she said , " I can 't deal with school right now , yet I 'm afraid to take a semester off . I 'm afraid I 'll just never come back . " She finally decided to give herself a break , take this semester as a part time student while she gets it all figured out . I said " That 's wisest , I think . You 've got kids , and you cannot keep them on an even keel when you 're stretched so tautly that you can barely keep yourself aright . " And she said , " Yes . " That 's all . We parted and strode off briskly in our own directions . The bewildered look on her face stays with me . I want to help , somehow . I remember what it felt like to feel like she looked . I remember my own dark days and vow to be the friend to her that I longed for back then . Classes , so far anyway , seem do - able . I was nervous about heading back , because ( I 'll admit it ) , Anatomy and Physiology scared me . That was a hard , hard class . By the end of it , I was bleary eyed , and waving the white flag , and yelling ' uncle ' . I am pretty darn proud of that B , but ay yi yi , what a horrible class . So I did head into fall semester 's classes a bit cautiously , and I took my seat at the back of the class and I listened to the teachers ' first day talks , and carefully looked over the syllabus ( syllabi ? . . . huh . . . must check that one out . ) I think I 'll be okay , but I 'm not saying that with any great confidence at this point . The OT classes themselves are filled with a very diverse crowd of people , and there are a number of people in that class who are close to my age . I think it will be challenging , but in a good way . Tim and I were talking in bed , about the weird turns that life has taken lately , about all the exciting things that are happening . For both of us , really . We wonder what this means . Tim mused , " I 've been watching your writing take off , and I know where that is leading , but I wonder about the OT thing . Why are you there ? Why did that door open so quickly ? " Yesterday in class , I listened to a teacher talk about the different facets of OT , about our work in other areas besides geriatrics . She ticked off examples . " Prisons , rehab hospitals , treatment centers for the mentally ill . . . " She went on , but my mind had stopped . Right there . I thought of what this could mean in my own life . To be able to stop grieving about my girl and to help her , really , truly assist . To make her feel good about herself , to inspire within her the confidence to step out into a new world . And suddenly it was clear to me why this door had opened . I 've prayed for that girl for so long . Wept . Wrung my hands . Agonized over what to do . And now , I may find a direction . I cannot tell you what this means to me . I came home to find an e - mail from WhiteStone that actually had me weeping with joy . She 's had good news . She 's dealt with Posted by So I 'm at the Tractor Supply , and a man and his wife come up to the counter . And the husband pulls six pig ears out of the cart , and 12 cow ears out of the cart , and a huge chewing bone . " What type of dog do you have ? " I asked , and they told me a golden retriever , their second . They had gotten her to replace their old dog who died in the spring . The man grumbled " There 's a reason old folks don 't have kids , and it 's the same reason old folks shouldn 't have puppies . They just have too much energy ! " even as his wife said , " She 's such a good dog , and she only chews on her toys . " The man rolled his eyes , but he did it in such a way that you knew he was just joking , and that he loved that dog just as much as his wife did . As I rang up the things , I told the story about someone I knew who bought himself a dog . It was a big dog . A german shepherd , maybe , or a black lab . But he picked the animal up on Friday night , and then went off to work Monday morning as usual . By the time he got home from work , the puppy had eaten the arm off his leather recliner . The man was outraged at the ' stupid dog ' . " The dog wasn 't stupid . The man was , " I commented and both of them agreed , and made some small conversation about training dogs . The man said , with some amount of pride , how quickly their golden was learning to behave , and was even , this early on , showing every sign of being as good as their beloved last dog . Shooting a quick grin to his wife , I said , " Yeah . Dogs are not so different from husbands , I guess . Once you get them trained just how you like them , boy , you just hate to give them up when they get old . " The old man 's eyes went wide , and his jaw dropped open and a bellow of laughter burst from him , so loud that one of the managers popped his head around a display to see what was going on . The old lady said " You hit that one just right , I say , " and she was laughing too . The little old man picked up his bag , and he grabbed the hood of his wife 's sweat shirt . " Come on now , " he said , still laughing . " I don 't think I want you and thiPosted by A tumbling sky brewing heavy weather . yet there are always bright patches . I saw this fellow sitting in a tree surrounded by a half dozen crows . Right away , I thought , ' The Outsider ' but when I turned around to go back for the picture , the crows had departed leaving our friend to sit alone . Today is the first day of school . Life is whirling about me in a very exciting way . Amazing things are happening right now . I am one of the college 's four ' poster children ' for " older , non - traditional students " . I said to someone , " When did non - traditional become a good thing ? " and the reply came back , " Nevermind ' non - traditional ' . . . what about the ' older ' part ? " My response ? " Well , yeah , that too . " But the interview is done . We have to meet with a photographer . ( Erk . ) I will put up a link to their website when it is done . I have had the strangest experiences lately . I am meeting people who tie into other stories , reacquaint me with other times and other people and other places . An amazing synchronicity that I cannot really explain . It 's the sense of belonging that I described in the last post . It 's that , but it 's more also more than that . I 'm having some amazing conversations with complete strangers . So amazing that the strangers come back to speak with me again , just as astounded as I am . Flashes of insight . Moments of remarkable beauty . Wonderful opportunities . It 's been going on for a couple weeks now . I don 't know how to explain it really . I wish I could . It 's quite an exciting time . Last night in bed , I whispered to Tim , " Do you have the feeling that God is at work in our lives right now ? Bigtime ? " And his answer came back , softly . " Yes . " And so we wait to see what happens next . Yesterday was such a great day . I met my friend Susan for breakfast knowing that it was my last day before school . Who knows when I would have the time to get together with her again ? Susan sent me an e - mail once , and I responded , and then , well . . . by the time we actually got around to meeting in person , we knew quite a bit about each other . The thing that I love about Susan is hard to explain . Once an acquaintance said to me : " When you talk , sometimes I find myself thinking " What ? What is she talking about ? I don 't understand . " But conversation flows between Susan and I , moving easily between the concrete and the abstract . ( We had a great discussion on perspectives yesterday . ) We lingered over coffee and finally got up to leave . She walked with me a ways . On the way in , I had seen a perfect Christmas gift for Cara in the window of a not - yet - opened store , and I 'd made up my mind to get it on the way back to my car . Susan waved at a man in the window of a coffee shop . He looked familiar . Turned out that he was the editor who originally hired me to write for the paper . I had no self confidence , but Jude sent very short , very encouraging e - mails that made me see myself differently . He told me several times that he was certain that I had a book in me . He was the first to do that . Since then , I have heard that so many times at this point that I 've kind of accepted it as fact and am patiently keeping my eyes open for a suitable topic ( and no , the world does not need another book on breast cancer from a person who has no new wisdom on the topic anyway . ) But it will remain the truth forever : I heard this from Jude first , and I remember the shock of reading those words , not daring to believe them . We walked into the little store and I was amazed to see Leslie , a wonderful woman that I used to work with many years ago when we first moved back here . I was a janitor in a plastics plant ( now defunct ) . We talked in passing , and I liked her very much , but the janitor is a busy person , and I almost always only met people in passingPosted by Notebooks . 50 cents each . ( they spaaaaaaaarkle . . . . ) Textbooks . $ 510 . ( zoiks ) Happy feet . ( which match the rest of me . ) Priceless . Posted by I had to go to school today . At the beginning of my first semester , back in January , when I was slogging to school every day , uncertain , nervous , self conscious , I 'd walk over a bridge , past this scene . I remember thinking that the obelisk in the back was kind of strange . I never really studied it other than to give it a quick look . Towards the end of the semester , when I began to figure that I wasn 't going to totally humiliate myself , I began to look around myself with a bit more interest . One day I walked out of a building and caught sight of the ' obelisk ' from a different perspective . It wasn 't an obelisk at all , and I remember stopping dead in my tracks on a bright sunshiny spring day to look , amazed that this sculpture so perfectly captured my own joy that day . I always meant to get a picture of it for you all . Now I have . Another picture I always meant to take was this . At the end of the year , I learned a new way to get to the college , less traffic . Look at this garage door . There 's a story here . The Sydney Opera House doesn 't show up in Jamestown NY , unless there is a story . When I find out I will tell you . Hey , BB ? These emus send greetings to their rellies in Oz . These particular emus belong to a farm . They sell emu oil right alongside a more regular line of produce . " What for ? " I asked . And they told me that it was wonderful for the skin and that for whatever reason , it seemed to enhance the effects of glucosamine chondroitin . I was almost tempted . But since I spent $ 448 . 00 on school books just yesterday , I couldn 't justify spending any more on anything , even emu oil for my aching bones . I studied it closely though . Might be that I change my mind when it starts getting wintry here . The aches are worse in the winter . At least I know where to get it . The people were just as friendly as they could be . Back to our day trip . We got up and went out for breakfast first thing . We went to Bob 's Big Boy . We had a nice waitress named Sandy , who loved the story that we all were meeting for the first time . What I loved was the fact that we were all just sitting there blabbing as if we 'd known each other for a hundred years . . . even Randy and Tim . You know , sometimes you meet people on the internet and wonder what they are like in real life ? Well . Susan and Randy are just what I expected : great people ! Everyone stops to watch an ' extreme fishing ' display . He was fun to watch . This beach also had , back by the retaining wall , a nice little shelter for a stray cat . The cat dish was full , and there was a piece of carpeting . Someone is taking good care of the fellow , and that made me glad . We hopped on a ferry and headed out to Put - In - Bay Island . I kept myself busy taking pictures , because , gotta tell you , boats make me sick . All boats . I took a canoe ride once . Everyone says that you don 't get sick on a canoe . Yeah , actually , I do . There is something about shutting your eyes , and it seems like you are going fast . You look at the water , and you 're not going as fast as you feel like when your eyes are closed . And then you look at the shore and you 're scarcely moving at all . At some point during this process , my brain decides that I must be drunk and sends the message to my stomach that I must purge my system of the alcohol that I did not drink . I start to feel nauseous . That 's step one . ( Believe me . You don 't want to hear step two . ) Anyways , I 've gotten sick after the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls . I 've gotten sick on the 1000 Island Boat Tour ( although I 've done that twice , for the sake of company . I 'm noble like that . ) I 've gotten sick when friends took us out on their boat so that the kids could go tubing and water skiing . In my life B . T . ( before Tim ) , we owned a boat . I never went on it . Ever . Well . Except when it was in the driveway once . So when Susan said she wanted to do the ferry , I groaned inside , but took a deep brDebby Well , I tried to post more pictures yesterday , but blogger was not cooperating and I did not have the patience to keep on trying . I worked yesterday , and it wound up being a long day . I really do like that job though . I enjoy the people that I meet . I left work , came home and made supper . It was pre - prepared , zucchini stuffed with sausage , peppers and onions and tomatoes . I just had to zap it in the microwave and toast some garlic bread to go with it . I helped Tim bleed the brakes on ' the car that will not die ' , an 88 Oldsmobile 98 with nearly 200 , 000 miles on it . We drove it down town to test his work , and stopped to pick a bag of coffee beans . I found an excellent deal on notebooks and picked up a half dozen for school . By the time we got home , the car was making a strange noise . This was the same car that left me stranded downtown . " When does this car become unfixable , Tim ? " and Tim laughed and popped the hood on it . I grabbed the bags from the back and said , " I 'm not driving it anymore , and I don 't think you should be either , " and with his head under the hood , he muttered , " Well , now that 's a new one . . . " and he laughed once more as I rolled my eyes and huffed . We went to get firewood after that . My favorite dog in the world , Bearly , was glad to see us as usual . She 's a beautiful dog with golden eyes that are really quite striking in her black face . Unlike usual , she didn 't amble over for a thorough petting . She had killed a woodchuck and was in the middle of dinner . She did thump her tail amiably but kept her mind on more important things . I thought about what a lucky dog she is . Really . She is what she is : a beloved pet , but still , a dog who is allowed to be a dog . I don 't imagine that she knows what a leash is . What binds her to her home , to her owners is even stronger : it is love . We talked to the man and watched Bearly eating in perfect contentment . Now that she 's older , she catches a woodchuck about every other week , but used to be that she got one nearly every day , ranging far , and then carrying it in fromPosted by I might have mentioned it once or twice . . . Okay . . . seven or eight times , but we went to Ohio to meet up with a blogging friend . Susan lives in Arizona . She was one of my original two commenters . ( The other is Mikey , the person responsible for nagging me to take up blogging . ) In any case , a couple weeks ago , I received an e - mail from Susan which commented that they were coming in to Michigan , and it was a pity we did not live closer . " Are you flying in ? " I asked . " Yes , " she e - mailed back . " To Detroit ? " and she said yes . " Susan , " I said , ' this is a distinct possibility . ' I began to work on it . First thing was convincing Tim . He 's kind of a quiet dude . I was worried that he 'd be a little shy about hanging out with people we had never actually met before . But when I broached the subject with him , he said , immediately , " That sounds like fun . . . " It 's been a long time since we had a vacation . Before , we did not have the money to go any place . Once we both got back to work , well . . . there wasn 't the time . But this was a day trip . So I cautiously e - mailed Susan yet again , to tell her that Tim was game . Turns out that her husband Randy was willing too . At that point , the only obstacle was getting the time off work . Since the whole thing was being pulled together very quickly , I didn 't have the time to put in a proper request for a day off , and I was shy about asking for favors as such a new employee . Imagine my surprise as I walked into the breakroom to look at the new schedule and found I was not on the schedule to work Friday . I was free ! Another flurry of e - mails followed . We found out that they were getting in to Detroit at 1 AM Friday morning . They planned to sleep in their rental car , and meet up with us later on . Tim , of his own accord said , " You don 't work Thursday evening . Why don 't we just drive out the night before , and get a hotel room ? They can at least have a place to to get a shower . " And so I made reservations . The hotel room had two double beds . " Um , listen , " I said to the nice hotel lady . " We 're meeting up with fPosted by I am still alive and kicking , just very , very busy . We went to Ohio to meet Randy and Susan , and then home late . Cara got home from San Francisco Friday night as well . I headed off to work Saturday , and then got home to see Cara off to college . We went to the fair to meet up with friends , and had a fun time . ' Team Rutsky ' won stock car football for the third year in a row , and it was all very exciting . At one point , Luke was driving with his head out the window , which made me sick to see , but he couldn 't see over his crumpled hood . I worked all day Sunday , and now it is time to get my hinder in gear again . Yep . I got pictures , and as soon as I get a minute , I 'll post them . . . We went to meet Susan and Randy , and they are truly great people . While we were walking on the beach looking for beach glass and petoskey stones , I heard a huge splash , turned around , and was astonished to see that a plane had crashed between 100 - 150 yards away . " My God . That plane has gone down in the water ! " I said . We stood gaping . Well then Susan got video . WTOL television picked it up , and ran it as part of their news cast . Hers is the video on the right . More later . Great time . Great people . I worked today . Left from work and went to the funeral of my friend . The church was packed . It seems impossible to think that I 'm not going to see him again . My words for his family ? Bill was a good , good man who loved God , who loved his family , who loved his church , and the world is a better place for that . Probably the funniest thing , which made us laugh and cry at the same time was when someone said , " He was such a tall , tall man . But you know , even if he were short , we 'd have all looked up to Bill . " Somehow it felt as if I glimpsed eternity as I listened to the bell toll as it has tolled for countless others since our church 's beginnings in 1865 . I can 't explain it any better than that . When the service was over , although the people there are dear to me , I did not stay for the meal . I wanted to be alone . I wanted to remember my good friend . So I walked to my car and as I drove up route 62 , a bald eagle soared out in front of my car , the bright white of his head and tail catching the sun as he lifted higher and higher on powerful wing strokes . I watched him until he was out of my sight . At Bill 's funeral , it had been read : ' But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength ; they shall mount up with wings as eagles ; they shall run , and not be weary ; and they shall walk , and not faint . ' Seeing that eagle made me smile . Well , I best finish packing . We 're heading out in a couple hours . In a few hours , I 'll be meeting Susan and her husband Randy for the first time , although we 've been online friends for as long as I have had a blog . I 'm looking forward to this day trip very much . So today , I was setting out some clearance shoes . We 've got some great deals on Ariats and men 's boots . So , I was setting out these boots , and one thing caught my eye . We had two pair of Carhartt workboots . Marked down to $ 19 . 99 . Originally probably a hundred dollar boot . We only had two pair of the discontinued style . One pair size 12 and another in size 13 . I don 't know anyone with feet that big , and it 's a darn shame too . I do so love a good bargain . So I was working the register and a man and his teenaged grandson came in . I looked at the boy . " What size shoe do you wear ? " I asked . He looked surprised and said , " Size 12 . " " Okay , now listen . Over on that rack right there , we 've got a couple pairs of Carhartt workboots . One pair is size 12 . They 're closing out that style . We 've got two pair left and they have just been marked down to $ 19 . 99 . " His grandpa looked over at him quickly . " Do you have your boots for hunting ? " he asked . And the boy said , " Not yet . " Grandpa said , " Don 't ring me up . Let 's go look at those boots , boy , " and off they went . Soon they were back at the counter , the boy holding a boot box . " How 'd those feel on your feet ? " I asked . And the boy said , with a big smile , " Good . They feel good . " Grandpa bought the boots for him and the boy went out of the store holding that box , talking excitedly to his grandfather . You could tell those boots meant a lot to the boy . You could tell that buying those boots for his grandson meant a lot to grandpa . The whole darn thing made my day . We live in a quiet neck of the woods . One of the things that we always say is ' Nothing ever happens here . ' We read stories from the big world out there , and we feel lucky . We think , ' Thank goodness I live here . Stuff like that doesn 't happen , not here . ' Even though it is a lie , because shockingly , things do happen here . It 's gotten to the point where every time I catch myself thinking ' stuff like that never happens here ' , it is immediately followed up by another thought : ' That is no longer true . ' Last week , we had friends in for a cookout . We were sitting on the deck blabbing , and I heard a helicopter . It was not headed west , to Erie , where people go when they are lifeflighted . It did not seem to be coming from the direction of the river , where they often run the length of our county , dropping their load of Bti to control blackflies . But I was blabbing , and laughing , and just sort of registered the sound of that chopper , without giving it a lot of thought . The next day , we were both shocked to read that a couple eating lunch at a park at a local beach had been accosted by a man with a gun who tied up the man with duct tape and abducted the woman . At 3 in the afternoon . Broad daylight . These things don 't happen , not here . But that 's a lie . Because they do . Tim headed out the door for work . I headed out the door for work . I left a note for Cara , sitting atop of the newspaper . " Stay away from the dam " I wrote . And when I got home , that evening , we were blabbing . She laughed at one point . " I was thinking to leave a note saying that me and the gang had gone to the dam to look for that man . " And she went on to poo - poo my fears . " He 's long gone , " she said . " He 's not in Warren County . " I looked at this girl . We are so different . But we comfort ourselves with the same words . " It can 't possibly happen . Not here . " But the difference between her and I is that she still believes it . This morning , Tim walked out to get the newspaper . There it was . They caught the man . He 'd headed up into Canada . I was glad to hear that he is caughtPosted by I 'm in the process of buying my textbooks . Last spring , it was much cheaper to buy them from half . com or from e - bay . This year ? Shockingly , only one book was cheaper online . The rest are cheaper at the Campus Bookstore . That surely wasn 't right . I thought for sure that I must be missing something . So I went back , collected all the information again , and began looking books up . Yep . Only one book was cheaper , and by the time you factored in the s / h , I was saving less than $ 9 . Huh . That 's a first . Anyone else discovered the same thing ? And now it is Monday morning . It 's been a nice weekend . Tim and I are taking a trip this week , just a day trip to Ohio , but we will be meeting Susan and her husband Randy , flying in from Arizona . It is the first time that I 've met a blogger friend in real life , and we both are plenty excited about this . So we dabbled around on the computer looking for things to do in the Cleveland area . There was quite a number of things listed , but things always sound like great fun on paper , don 't they ? So we did a lot of debating . Sunday morning we went to church , and a couple walked in and sat down in front of us . Because I am a blabber ( you may not have noticed ) , I started a conversation , and guess where they were from ? Yep . Cleveland . We got some very nice ideas from them . Sunday turned out to be quite a day . We went to a birthday party . We found out that our friend had slipped into a coma and was breathing his last . There were tears . We all wanted to do something , but there is nothing really to be done at that point , is there ? So we grabbed up our hymnals and headed for their front yard where we stood in front of the open window and sang four of the old hymns that Bill loved so much . The Old Rugged Cross . Be Thou my Vision . It is Well With My Soul . Amazing Grace . Although we had walked over as a group , cars following us with the people who could not walk , we came back in rag tag groups , quiet . It seems impossible that we will not hear Bill 's voice again , booming out to us " This is the day that the Lord hath made . . . " and we will not call back to him , " Let us rejoice and be glad in it . . . " I cry a little every time I think of it . Of him . Of Connie , left behind . Bill died last night , a few minutes after seven . I cried again , when it was confirmed , although , at that point , it was not unexpected . As we were pulling out of the driveway to get a few things to pack in lunches , a four wheel drive pulled in . We were delighted to see our bearded buddy Rae . We kidnapped him and we all went downtown for the groceries , came back home for aPosted by This morning we were rudely awoken at 3 . There was quite a ruckus in the back yard . It was a bear . The camera was in the car , and so there are no pictures of this fellow . Since there was , simultaneously , a ruckus going on in the neighbor 's yard , we did not go out to get the camera , figuring that there was more than one of the animals in the area . Our bear was a good size one , with both ears tagged , which meant that he has had previous experience with the game commission . Tim thinks that he is probably a ' bad bear ' , one who has learned to survive on garbage , and has forgotten how to forage . This means that no matter how many times he is moved , he will head back out of the woods looking for garbage . We have had a nice weekend , so far . Quiet . Lots of handholding . Yesterday , we went garage saling and found some things for the grandchild on the way . We went out to a just opened pizza shop in an out of the way place , and enjoyed a vegetable pizza . This new shop is a very bare bones operation , but I watched the owners tenderness with a obviously challenged man . He came in , excited about his sheriff star . " Got my badge , " he said , repeatedly , pulling on his shirt . And we all congratulated him . Just to see the patience of everyone as they zipped around , trying to get the pizzas done , at the same time , listening kindly to the man with the sheriff 's badge . . . it was kind of heartwarming really , and since I love to watch kindness , I found myself hoping that this struggling new business ' makes it ' . That 's it really . What a nice weekend this has been . To think ! We still have a full day in front of us . Church , a party , and then home to plan a day trip for next Friday . Tim and I have had a rough time of things , and although we have gotten back on the same page , things are not yet back to normal . Not really . We are careful and kind to each other . We extend small gestures of love . We have not , however , had a lot of time . Tim 's job has over an hour commute each way , each day , in addition to the eight hours there . My last job was at a 24 hour store , so I was getting home late . We were both too weary to really focus on each other . But , again , things have changed . Tim now has a day job . He 's not so tired . My new job at the Tractor Supply is nice too . Since the store closes at 8 : 00 , I am home by 8 : 30 , so Tim and I have a hour or so to visit before we go to bed . ( His alarm goes off at 4 : 45 AM ) . In spending the time with my husband , I realize how much I have missed him , and how far we have drifted in the past few months . We have this weekend off . Both of us . The whole entire weekend . I can 't remember the last time that happened . I felt like a child on the first day of summer vacation when I left work last night . I got home and Tim had made popcorn . We shared a glass of ice water , and we talked . We went to bed , still talking . We were still talking when we turned out the lights , and in the darkness , my hand traced the familiar curve of his jaw . I 've missed that , the quiet intimacy of marriage . We read the paper together this morning , talking about the news while he ate his cheerios , while I drank my coffee . These small rituals happen each and every day . I know them by heart , but usually I drink my coffee alone , after he 's eaten his cheerios and left for work . Or , vice versa , on the weekends . He 's gone to take care of a small chore at one of the apartments , but he 'll be back shortly . We have the afternoon to do as we please . We have the evening to do as we please . We have tomorrow to worship together , because it pleases us to do so . And then , we 'll have Sunday stretched long before us , waiting to be filled with the quiet things of our lives . Monday will come . It always does , but we 've got aPosted by I don 't know why it has never occurred to me before : buying stock over the internet ! What a dang fine idea that is ! Just click on a link and pick out your stock and send them money , and bingo , penny stocks turn into millions . ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) If there is a flaw in this great plan , I cannot see it . It 's quick , it 's easy , and anyone can do it . That 's why they are only letting a few people in on the big deal . Just a few of us . We can 't have everyone making millions now ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) I mean the whole point of being rich is to be better than anyone else . Isn 't it ? So yeah . Those folks in Nigeria are doing the right thing by only letting a few of us in on the big secret . I can 't help wondering why , out of all the people in the world , ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) they chose little ol ' me to receive that e - mail , that once in a life time offer ? I 've been tossing it around for a while , and I 've come to the conclusion that it is because some folks , well , they just can 't manage money . Me and Tim ? We can . I guess I should say I can , because the e - mail came to my mail box , not Tim 's . So , they have their doubts about Tim , but me ? Hey , I can handle the riches ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) . Anyways , Tim is lucky to be married to me , because when I am rolling in the dough ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) , I am willing to share with him . I get millions of these offers ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) every day . Sweepstakes , and stocks , and * psst * Hey buddy , wanna buy a watch ? sort of things . Honestly . It amazes me that anybody would fall for this stuff . But they do . Cara 's been home for a week , chock full of stories about her summer work with 42 inner city high school students . The experience was such an eye opener for her that she dropped her education minor . She could write a book on this summer 's adventures . Lord knows , her stories had the rest of us rolling on the floor as we heard them . Having a chunk of free time on her hands is intolerable to Cara . So she is headed to Dylan 's house in Fleetwood . The two of them are flying out tomorrow morning for San Francisco . Why ? Because they 've never been . Because they 're bored . I got up with Tim . He leaves the house at 5 : 30 to get to work by 7 . Since Cara does not get up until later ( the girl still believes that 9 : 30 is the ' butt crack of dawn ' ) I had some time to myself . I wandered about in blogland and managed to scare the bejeebers out of myself . Someone had made a reference to the Beaumont children of Adelaide . Having no idea what they were speaking of , I looked it up . Three siblings disappeared from a crowded Adelaide beach in 1966 . Just vanished . Never to be heard from again . I tried to imagine what happened to the parents of those children . How does your life move past such a point ? The parents seem to be just as completely gone as their children . I found nothing on them at all . And my mind began to wander as my mind is wont to do . I think of my own children , as the children that they were . I think of them during all their days . From their first breaths . Learning to walk . Learning to talk . First day of school . Elementary school . High school . Graduation . The pictures flicker through my mind , and I am happy to have them . Lucky to have them . I spent the quiet time reading and thinking , and roaming about in my mind . Last night , when Cara and I had gone shopping for Dylan 's birthday , she asked , " When you were my age , were you so crazy busy that you did not feel like you were able to realize that you had fun until after the fact ? " Interesting . I thought . " I guess , maybe , " I said . And she said , " I feel bad sometimes , because when I Posted by Girlfriends ' Lunch OutA group of 40 - year - old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally , it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there were very good looking . Ten years later at 50 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good , the wine selection was good also , and the waiters were cute . Ten years later at 60 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet , the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean , and the waiters were sweet boys . Ten years later , at 70 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible , they even had an elevator , and the waiters were kindly . Ten years later , at 80 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before . So , I was working at the store , and our neighbor down the road dropped in . Heck of a nice guy . He 's standing in line with a grin on his face . He says , " You know my wife . I got an anniversary coming up . What do you think about this for a present ? " and he holds up a bottle of Anti - Monkey Butt Powder in a hot pink bottle for the ladies . I laughed out loud and said , " I think this , Keith : whatever is in the second package better be very , very nice . " Cara sat on the steps in the kitchen as I put together a fruit salad . " I heard that your brain does not slow down when you get older , " she said . " Yeah . I heard that too , " I said . " So ha ! Turns out that it takes us longer to retrieve the information because we 've got more of it , but we don 't process more slowly . Yeah . I actually was going to tell you about that . . . " She looked at me with a smile playing around her lips . " . . . . but you forgot , " she filled in . I chopped on . " Yep , " I said . " I forgot . " She just about fell off the steps laughing . Who raised that smart alec anyway ? Remember this car ? Tim got the thing inspected Friday . He picked it up Friday evening , after he got off work . Now read the local police blotter entry : Hit and run . Conewango Twp . Police reported that on Friday at 10 : 15 p . m . James Swick of Warren was driving a 2005 Dodge Caravan east on Jackson Run Rd . when he turned right onto Market Street . At the same time , police said , a white sports car , possibly a Ford Mustang , was traveling north in the southbound lane , in reverse , at a high rate of speed . Police reported the sports car then spun forward , struck the Dodge on the driver 's side front bumper , and fled the scene traveling west on Jackson Run Rd . According to police , no major injuries were sustained and Swick was able to drive his vehicle from the scene . Police asked that any information regarding the suspect or the suspect 's vehicle please contact the Conewango Twp . Police . Cara and I had a good laugh when we read the paper . Tim ? Not so amused . His ' new ' vehicle is waiting for new front and rear bumper covers . ( The previous owner ran it into a ditch . ) He 's half expecting local police to show up at our house with questions . I can tell you that at 10 : 15 , Tim was in bed . So was I . Unfortunately ( ? ) there are no witnesses to attest to that . Yesterday was freight day at the store . It is a day to work hard , getting everything set out on the floor . The manager running the show is a hard , hard worker , and he was heaving around bags of dog food and bird seed like a weight lifter . I tried to keep up with him , but there was no way . Plus , I am a bit of a handicap since I have to ask 10 , 000 questions , not having figured out where everything in the store goes . But I also noted that I was not the only one with questions . All night long , the call went out across the aisles . " Hey ? Jeremy ? " " Jeremy ! " Jeremy . . . " as we all darted about putting stuff away . At one point , I had to laugh . " Do you sometimes get sick of hearing your own name ? " I asked . And he looked at me with the biggest grin on his face . " No comment , " he replied . So we aPosted by I saw the picture in the paper . Another acquaintance has died of breast cancer . Tammy went to school with Tim . I recounted a moment with her last year . She was a very quiet woman with a very sweet nature . I remember how devoted her mother was . The only thing that I could imagine worse than dealing with cancer is watching your child struggle with cancer . The pain in that mother 's eyes , Tammy 's quiet stoicism . . . in the past couple days , my mind keeps coming back to consider Tammy , and that morning at the Cancer Center last year . Driving to work today , I was thinking of her again , when a shocking thing occurs to me . There were five cancer patients sitting together in that waiting room that morning just 16 months ago . Of the five , now there is just one . I am the last one . The thought of it gives me a shiver . I pull into the parking lot of the job that I love , and before I go in , I sit there a moment , saying a little prayer . I take a deep breath . Then I stride into the store , and I greet my coworkers . Funny Story of the Day : Okay , so I 'm working at the store and an older gentleman walks up to my counter , and I greet him cheerfully and he answers , " Hello , Baby ! " I glance at him quickly because he 's not the sort you 'd be expecting to pop out with something like that . He looks back at me just as shocked as I was looking at him , I imagine . He stammered , " I meant to say Debby ( my name is on my vest ) . I don 't talk like that . Jees . I don 't even know where that came from . " And he was so embarrassed , standing there apologizing , and I felt awful for him . I guessed that what happened was that he took a look at my name tag , initially misread my name , did a quick double take , and then just blurted out the wrong thing . I don 't know . Anyways , he was really embarrassed , and I do know this man , a little , from the Cancer Center , though I don 't think he remembers me . The best way to describe him is ' salt of the earth ' . He would no more talk to a stranger like that than my Tim would . So I looked back at him , and in an attempt to put him at ease , I blurted , " Oh , no . Please don 't give it a second thought . Usually it 's me coming out with something that makes me sound like a ninny . " Long pause as we studied each other . My face began to turn as red as his . " Not that you sounded like a ninny , " I stammered . " I don 't know where that came from . . . " Bless his heart . He was still laughing as he went out the door . Ay yi yi . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
Today on the way to class , loaded down with an arm load of books , a back pack , my purse and a cloth bag for the books I couldn 't carry or fit in my backpack , I happened by an elderly man in an electric wheelchair . He was similarly loaded down , and he and his aide made their way towards the same building I was headed for . I greeted him and called out , " Now you 've found an easier way to haul everything , " and he laughed and raised up his hand in a salute . I called out , " Have a good day , " and then bustled off to my class . I was cutting it pretty close . I 'd headed out on a bright clear mountain morning . However , by the time that I got off the hill and headed towards the New York State line , I was running into some very unexpected pea soup fog . It had slowed me down . I was running a bit late . So I hauled into class and plopped down at the back of the class as is my custom , and the next thing I know , this man is wheeling in our door . Heck . If I 'd have known he was headed my way , I 'd have asked him to carry some of my books ! In any case , this man is Henry Wesley . Henry is about the most amazing man that I 've ever met in my life . He was dropped off at the doors of Willowbrook Mental Institution when he was just three years old . He spent his formative years in a crib . Because he could not speak , he was erroneously assumed to be retarded . Through his speaking computer , he told us what it was like to be a child in such a place , the squalor and the abuse , straight jackets , isolation , dead bodies stacked in the halls sometimes . Later , when I got home , listening to clips from the institution , the first thing was the noise . Imagine listening to that noise for all of your life , day in and day out . But he did , and eventually Geraldo Rivera was part of a big expose that exposed the goings - on there , and the facility was closed down . Mr . Wesley 's life seems to have begun at that point . I listened to his story , and tried to imagine what it would be like to simply have no voice . No choice . No advocate . I couldn 't , frankly , and the thoughtPosted by Okay . An apology is due for the apology . ( My ! These things do get very complicated sometimes , don 't they ? ) Margie ? I am very sorry for assigning you the wrong heritage . Margie ( Bill 's wife ) is Apache . Bill 's daughter in law , Lavina is Navajo , which makes , as Bill pointed out , his two cute grandsons , Kalib and Jobe , Navajo as well . And no , I wasn 't upset to be challenged on this , Bill . Your words were gracious and frank . They carried no sting . I tried to be clear that you were right . It was a thoughtless reporting of a thoughtless remark . It did have the ability to hurt someone 's feelings . I had a chance to go back and delete the remark , but that seemed to be blatently wrong , like denying that you 've said something that you 've said . I know lots of folks who do that . Constantly . Yet they 'll read this blog , take exception to something , and begin to complain . " Yes , " they say , " but your blog says . . . " Yes . Yes , it does , and I stand behind what I say . The interesting thing is that they seem to feel that the spoken word is something that can be disregarded . They seem to feel that because I speak with written words I am to be held to a higher standard than they are , because they only say their words . Nope . Words are words , written , or spoken . If you have used your words unkindly , don 't be surprised to find that those words have hurt someone . Furthermore , if that person is a writing sort of person , don 't be surprised to find their reaction to your words written down someplace . The pain felt reading my words is no more or no less than I felt hearing yours . Still , if I have done something wrong , I like to be clear about that . This particular comment was made in a careless , non - malicious way . However , malice could be read into it . I chose not to delete the words ( in effect , deny their existance ) , because these words , and others like them are uttered every day , in careless ways , maliciously or not . We need to think about the words we use . Whether we say them , whether we write them . Oh , and Bill ? I took no offense . Your remarks wePosted by I 'd really like to make it clear , for anyone who was offended by yesterday 's post , that I am sorry . When the comment was made , " Well , you 'd best ask for a picture , because for all you know , you 're corresponding with an aborigine with a bone in his nose ! " , very simply , I took it at face value . How I read it was ' If Peter had turned out to be an Aborigine , well , Joann would have married a man with a bone in his nose . ' I guess that I 'm kind of oblivious like that . Wasilla Bill is a photojournalist , and a published author , having written " The Gift of the Whale " . He works with indigenous peoples of the north , documenting their lives , their customs , the people themselves . Bill 's wife is Margie , who is a Navajo . He pointed out ( and rightfully so ) , that " I will admit that I was a little taken back by the " aborigine with the bone in the nose " statement , but then all of us have some gaps in our education , so often in particular when it comes to the indigenous people of the lands that we occupy and live in . At certain points in their lives , I can imagine my parents making comparable comments regarding Native Americans - but not after they got to know my wife and the grandchildren she gave them . " I 've been thinking about that all day , and I have been bothered by it . Bill was right to point this out to me , and I am surprised that I missed it . Peter and Joann are lovely people , and while I do not know them well enough to understand what their feelings are on this topic , I would guess that these are not people who would consciously look down on others . I think that it was just a careless phrase , meant to be a joke . However , if you were an indigenous person reading those words , they might have sounded malicious . I apologize for those words . I believe that they were better left unprinted . Unfortunately , they have been printed . This puts me in an interesting dilemma . I could go back , delete them , and pretend they never existed but that would be a lie . I think that it is better to pull those words out , to look at them directly , to aPosted by Today walking in to school , I saw Marty , and we greeted each other cheerfully . " How are you ? " I asked , falling into step . " Better , " she said . We talked about the difficulties of the early days of separation . She decided to re - enroll as a full time student , and I told her , " Maybe it 's what you need right now . Maybe you need to feel competant and smart . Maybe you need to reassure yourself that you can accomplish great things . And you can ! " I assured her . In our lifespan class , we got into a spirited debate about health care reform . There is no right or wrong answer , but we talked about people making poor choices for themselves . My take on it is that many people make poor life choices because they are discouraged and do not see the possibilities . Not at all . If children are raised in that sort of hopelessness , the cycle tends to repeat itself . No answers came from that short class , of course , and the debate threatened to roll on far longer than the alloted class time . The class walked out , but interestingly enough , although we are virtual strangers for the most part , people were talking about this situation . A farm boy said that he felt people did not know how to be self sufficient anymore . A single mother said she knew a lot of parents who were not trying hard enough to do right by their children . The debate continued as we walked downstairs and out the door . We were still at it in the parking lot . I like that . People need to think , to have opinions , to say what they think . Heading home , I passed by the garage door I told you about earlier . It was open . I saw a figure at the window . Impulsively , I turned around and went back for the story , just like I promised you I would . An elderly man watched me walk up the step , and when I knocked on the door , he came to the door , his elderly wife right behind him . " This will be the strangest question you get today , I imagine . . . " and I launched into how I 'd taken a picture of their garage door and I was dying to know how a painting of Sydney Harbo ( u ) r wound up on a garage door in Posted by Today , as an OT activity designed to get to know each other , we had to , without speaking , line ourselves up in order of our ages . Pllt . That was easy enough . Without hesitation , I walked to the end of the line . Stayed there , too . Turned out I was right . I am 11 years older than the woman standing next to me . She was 42 . We had to go down the line and say our names , our age , and tell something interesting about ourselves . It was interesting to get the little glimpses into everyone else and their lives . The more time I spend in the class , the more I feel that this is where I was meant to be . Surprisingly , I 've put myself in a situation where flying by the seat of your pants and having good people skills is a plus . The instructors talk quickly , animatedly , and sometimes lose track of their train of thought just like me . In English composition class , I sit in the back row . The boy who sets next to me is an intense techno kid , obviously very smart . The boy on the other side of him wears a black leather arm band with shell casings , chains , tattoos , the whole nine yards . The teacher says controversial things sometimes just to get something stirred up . She brought up the mosque at ground zero . Mister - wears - his - ammo - on - his wrist obviously had strong feelings on the subject and began to espouse them . I listened , but then I countered with " You know , not all Muslims are radicals . The terrorists are scary people , but there are some fundamentalist Christian groups out there that scare me just as badly . I think that having a mosque there would be an opportunity for the Muslims to try to counter the negative stereotypes that many Americans have about Islam since 9 / 11 . " Mr . WHAOHW immediately shot back , heatedly , " It 's like pouring salt in a wound , " to which I countered , " Interesting metaphor , since the reason one pours salt in a wound is to draw out the infection . " He snapped , " You can do the same thing with maggots ! " to which I responded , mildly , " Yes , you can . " The class went on , and there were many more discussions . Before too Posted by Today in class , the teacher was asking us about optimization for different stages of life . " What is an optimization program for a premie ? " she asked , and I suggested touch therapy . A woman turned around from one of the front rows of the class and stared at me in astonishment . I gazed back , just as astonished . She was in that horrible psych class with me . She 'd lost so much weight that I did not recognize her . After class , I waited for her , and she walked back saying how glad she was to see me , and that she 'd move back to where I sat next class . It was a relief to her to see a familiar face in the class , and , really , it 's a relief to me as well . There is another girl from A and P who is friendly enough , but she 's much younger . M and I are closer in age , both of us mothers , both of us working and juggling . We were the two oldest students in the psych class if I remember correctly , and the teacher had us both gnashing our teeth . We had a common bond there , and helped each other get through that fiasco . We walked down the hall talking , and I said , " You look really great ! " and she said flatly , " My husband and I have separated . " Not sure what to say , I said , I dumbed around . In frustration , she said , " I can 't deal with school right now , yet I 'm afraid to take a semester off . I 'm afraid I 'll just never come back . " She finally decided to give herself a break , take this semester as a part time student while she gets it all figured out . I said " That 's wisest , I think . You 've got kids , and you cannot keep them on an even keel when you 're stretched so tautly that you can barely keep yourself aright . " And she said , " Yes . " That 's all . We parted and strode off briskly in our own directions . The bewildered look on her face stays with me . I want to help , somehow . I remember what it felt like to feel like she looked . I remember my own dark days and vow to be the friend to her that I longed for back then . Classes , so far anyway , seem do - able . I was nervous about heading back , because ( I 'll admit it ) , Anatomy and Physiology scared me . That was a hard , hard class . By the end of it , I was bleary eyed , and waving the white flag , and yelling ' uncle ' . I am pretty darn proud of that B , but ay yi yi , what a horrible class . So I did head into fall semester 's classes a bit cautiously , and I took my seat at the back of the class and I listened to the teachers ' first day talks , and carefully looked over the syllabus ( syllabi ? . . . huh . . . must check that one out . ) I think I 'll be okay , but I 'm not saying that with any great confidence at this point . The OT classes themselves are filled with a very diverse crowd of people , and there are a number of people in that class who are close to my age . I think it will be challenging , but in a good way . Tim and I were talking in bed , about the weird turns that life has taken lately , about all the exciting things that are happening . For both of us , really . We wonder what this means . Tim mused , " I 've been watching your writing take off , and I know where that is leading , but I wonder about the OT thing . Why are you there ? Why did that door open so quickly ? " Yesterday in class , I listened to a teacher talk about the different facets of OT , about our work in other areas besides geriatrics . She ticked off examples . " Prisons , rehab hospitals , treatment centers for the mentally ill . . . " She went on , but my mind had stopped . Right there . I thought of what this could mean in my own life . To be able to stop grieving about my girl and to help her , really , truly assist . To make her feel good about herself , to inspire within her the confidence to step out into a new world . And suddenly it was clear to me why this door had opened . I 've prayed for that girl for so long . Wept . Wrung my hands . Agonized over what to do . And now , I may find a direction . I cannot tell you what this means to me . I came home to find an e - mail from WhiteStone that actually had me weeping with joy . She 's had good news . She 's dealt with Posted by So I 'm at the Tractor Supply , and a man and his wife come up to the counter . And the husband pulls six pig ears out of the cart , and 12 cow ears out of the cart , and a huge chewing bone . " What type of dog do you have ? " I asked , and they told me a golden retriever , their second . They had gotten her to replace their old dog who died in the spring . The man grumbled " There 's a reason old folks don 't have kids , and it 's the same reason old folks shouldn 't have puppies . They just have too much energy ! " even as his wife said , " She 's such a good dog , and she only chews on her toys . " The man rolled his eyes , but he did it in such a way that you knew he was just joking , and that he loved that dog just as much as his wife did . As I rang up the things , I told the story about someone I knew who bought himself a dog . It was a big dog . A german shepherd , maybe , or a black lab . But he picked the animal up on Friday night , and then went off to work Monday morning as usual . By the time he got home from work , the puppy had eaten the arm off his leather recliner . The man was outraged at the ' stupid dog ' . " The dog wasn 't stupid . The man was , " I commented and both of them agreed , and made some small conversation about training dogs . The man said , with some amount of pride , how quickly their golden was learning to behave , and was even , this early on , showing every sign of being as good as their beloved last dog . Shooting a quick grin to his wife , I said , " Yeah . Dogs are not so different from husbands , I guess . Once you get them trained just how you like them , boy , you just hate to give them up when they get old . " The old man 's eyes went wide , and his jaw dropped open and a bellow of laughter burst from him , so loud that one of the managers popped his head around a display to see what was going on . The old lady said " You hit that one just right , I say , " and she was laughing too . The little old man picked up his bag , and he grabbed the hood of his wife 's sweat shirt . " Come on now , " he said , still laughing . " I don 't think I want you and thiPosted by A tumbling sky brewing heavy weather . yet there are always bright patches . I saw this fellow sitting in a tree surrounded by a half dozen crows . Right away , I thought , ' The Outsider ' but when I turned around to go back for the picture , the crows had departed leaving our friend to sit alone . Today is the first day of school . Life is whirling about me in a very exciting way . Amazing things are happening right now . I am one of the college 's four ' poster children ' for " older , non - traditional students " . I said to someone , " When did non - traditional become a good thing ? " and the reply came back , " Nevermind ' non - traditional ' . . . what about the ' older ' part ? " My response ? " Well , yeah , that too . " But the interview is done . We have to meet with a photographer . ( Erk . ) I will put up a link to their website when it is done . I have had the strangest experiences lately . I am meeting people who tie into other stories , reacquaint me with other times and other people and other places . An amazing synchronicity that I cannot really explain . It 's the sense of belonging that I described in the last post . It 's that , but it 's more also more than that . I 'm having some amazing conversations with complete strangers . So amazing that the strangers come back to speak with me again , just as astounded as I am . Flashes of insight . Moments of remarkable beauty . Wonderful opportunities . It 's been going on for a couple weeks now . I don 't know how to explain it really . I wish I could . It 's quite an exciting time . Last night in bed , I whispered to Tim , " Do you have the feeling that God is at work in our lives right now ? Bigtime ? " And his answer came back , softly . " Yes . " And so we wait to see what happens next . Yesterday was such a great day . I met my friend Susan for breakfast knowing that it was my last day before school . Who knows when I would have the time to get together with her again ? Susan sent me an e - mail once , and I responded , and then , well . . . by the time we actually got around to meeting in person , we knew quite a bit about each other . The thing that I love about Susan is hard to explain . Once an acquaintance said to me : " When you talk , sometimes I find myself thinking " What ? What is she talking about ? I don 't understand . " But conversation flows between Susan and I , moving easily between the concrete and the abstract . ( We had a great discussion on perspectives yesterday . ) We lingered over coffee and finally got up to leave . She walked with me a ways . On the way in , I had seen a perfect Christmas gift for Cara in the window of a not - yet - opened store , and I 'd made up my mind to get it on the way back to my car . Susan waved at a man in the window of a coffee shop . He looked familiar . Turned out that he was the editor who originally hired me to write for the paper . I had no self confidence , but Jude sent very short , very encouraging e - mails that made me see myself differently . He told me several times that he was certain that I had a book in me . He was the first to do that . Since then , I have heard that so many times at this point that I 've kind of accepted it as fact and am patiently keeping my eyes open for a suitable topic ( and no , the world does not need another book on breast cancer from a person who has no new wisdom on the topic anyway . ) But it will remain the truth forever : I heard this from Jude first , and I remember the shock of reading those words , not daring to believe them . We walked into the little store and I was amazed to see Leslie , a wonderful woman that I used to work with many years ago when we first moved back here . I was a janitor in a plastics plant ( now defunct ) . We talked in passing , and I liked her very much , but the janitor is a busy person , and I almost always only met people in passingPosted by Notebooks . 50 cents each . ( they spaaaaaaaarkle . . . . ) Textbooks . $ 510 . ( zoiks ) Happy feet . ( which match the rest of me . ) Priceless . Posted by I had to go to school today . At the beginning of my first semester , back in January , when I was slogging to school every day , uncertain , nervous , self conscious , I 'd walk over a bridge , past this scene . I remember thinking that the obelisk in the back was kind of strange . I never really studied it other than to give it a quick look . Towards the end of the semester , when I began to figure that I wasn 't going to totally humiliate myself , I began to look around myself with a bit more interest . One day I walked out of a building and caught sight of the ' obelisk ' from a different perspective . It wasn 't an obelisk at all , and I remember stopping dead in my tracks on a bright sunshiny spring day to look , amazed that this sculpture so perfectly captured my own joy that day . I always meant to get a picture of it for you all . Now I have . Another picture I always meant to take was this . At the end of the year , I learned a new way to get to the college , less traffic . Look at this garage door . There 's a story here . The Sydney Opera House doesn 't show up in Jamestown NY , unless there is a story . When I find out I will tell you . Hey , BB ? These emus send greetings to their rellies in Oz . These particular emus belong to a farm . They sell emu oil right alongside a more regular line of produce . " What for ? " I asked . And they told me that it was wonderful for the skin and that for whatever reason , it seemed to enhance the effects of glucosamine chondroitin . I was almost tempted . But since I spent $ 448 . 00 on school books just yesterday , I couldn 't justify spending any more on anything , even emu oil for my aching bones . I studied it closely though . Might be that I change my mind when it starts getting wintry here . The aches are worse in the winter . At least I know where to get it . The people were just as friendly as they could be . Back to our day trip . We got up and went out for breakfast first thing . We went to Bob 's Big Boy . We had a nice waitress named Sandy , who loved the story that we all were meeting for the first time . What I loved was the fact that we were all just sitting there blabbing as if we 'd known each other for a hundred years . . . even Randy and Tim . You know , sometimes you meet people on the internet and wonder what they are like in real life ? Well . Susan and Randy are just what I expected : great people ! Everyone stops to watch an ' extreme fishing ' display . He was fun to watch . This beach also had , back by the retaining wall , a nice little shelter for a stray cat . The cat dish was full , and there was a piece of carpeting . Someone is taking good care of the fellow , and that made me glad . We hopped on a ferry and headed out to Put - In - Bay Island . I kept myself busy taking pictures , because , gotta tell you , boats make me sick . All boats . I took a canoe ride once . Everyone says that you don 't get sick on a canoe . Yeah , actually , I do . There is something about shutting your eyes , and it seems like you are going fast . You look at the water , and you 're not going as fast as you feel like when your eyes are closed . And then you look at the shore and you 're scarcely moving at all . At some point during this process , my brain decides that I must be drunk and sends the message to my stomach that I must purge my system of the alcohol that I did not drink . I start to feel nauseous . That 's step one . ( Believe me . You don 't want to hear step two . ) Anyways , I 've gotten sick after the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls . I 've gotten sick on the 1000 Island Boat Tour ( although I 've done that twice , for the sake of company . I 'm noble like that . ) I 've gotten sick when friends took us out on their boat so that the kids could go tubing and water skiing . In my life B . T . ( before Tim ) , we owned a boat . I never went on it . Ever . Well . Except when it was in the driveway once . So when Susan said she wanted to do the ferry , I groaned inside , but took a deep brDebby Well , I tried to post more pictures yesterday , but blogger was not cooperating and I did not have the patience to keep on trying . I worked yesterday , and it wound up being a long day . I really do like that job though . I enjoy the people that I meet . I left work , came home and made supper . It was pre - prepared , zucchini stuffed with sausage , peppers and onions and tomatoes . I just had to zap it in the microwave and toast some garlic bread to go with it . I helped Tim bleed the brakes on ' the car that will not die ' , an 88 Oldsmobile 98 with nearly 200 , 000 miles on it . We drove it down town to test his work , and stopped to pick a bag of coffee beans . I found an excellent deal on notebooks and picked up a half dozen for school . By the time we got home , the car was making a strange noise . This was the same car that left me stranded downtown . " When does this car become unfixable , Tim ? " and Tim laughed and popped the hood on it . I grabbed the bags from the back and said , " I 'm not driving it anymore , and I don 't think you should be either , " and with his head under the hood , he muttered , " Well , now that 's a new one . . . " and he laughed once more as I rolled my eyes and huffed . We went to get firewood after that . My favorite dog in the world , Bearly , was glad to see us as usual . She 's a beautiful dog with golden eyes that are really quite striking in her black face . Unlike usual , she didn 't amble over for a thorough petting . She had killed a woodchuck and was in the middle of dinner . She did thump her tail amiably but kept her mind on more important things . I thought about what a lucky dog she is . Really . She is what she is : a beloved pet , but still , a dog who is allowed to be a dog . I don 't imagine that she knows what a leash is . What binds her to her home , to her owners is even stronger : it is love . We talked to the man and watched Bearly eating in perfect contentment . Now that she 's older , she catches a woodchuck about every other week , but used to be that she got one nearly every day , ranging far , and then carrying it in fromPosted by I might have mentioned it once or twice . . . Okay . . . seven or eight times , but we went to Ohio to meet up with a blogging friend . Susan lives in Arizona . She was one of my original two commenters . ( The other is Mikey , the person responsible for nagging me to take up blogging . ) In any case , a couple weeks ago , I received an e - mail from Susan which commented that they were coming in to Michigan , and it was a pity we did not live closer . " Are you flying in ? " I asked . " Yes , " she e - mailed back . " To Detroit ? " and she said yes . " Susan , " I said , ' this is a distinct possibility . ' I began to work on it . First thing was convincing Tim . He 's kind of a quiet dude . I was worried that he 'd be a little shy about hanging out with people we had never actually met before . But when I broached the subject with him , he said , immediately , " That sounds like fun . . . " It 's been a long time since we had a vacation . Before , we did not have the money to go any place . Once we both got back to work , well . . . there wasn 't the time . But this was a day trip . So I cautiously e - mailed Susan yet again , to tell her that Tim was game . Turns out that her husband Randy was willing too . At that point , the only obstacle was getting the time off work . Since the whole thing was being pulled together very quickly , I didn 't have the time to put in a proper request for a day off , and I was shy about asking for favors as such a new employee . Imagine my surprise as I walked into the breakroom to look at the new schedule and found I was not on the schedule to work Friday . I was free ! Another flurry of e - mails followed . We found out that they were getting in to Detroit at 1 AM Friday morning . They planned to sleep in their rental car , and meet up with us later on . Tim , of his own accord said , " You don 't work Thursday evening . Why don 't we just drive out the night before , and get a hotel room ? They can at least have a place to to get a shower . " And so I made reservations . The hotel room had two double beds . " Um , listen , " I said to the nice hotel lady . " We 're meeting up with fPosted by I am still alive and kicking , just very , very busy . We went to Ohio to meet Randy and Susan , and then home late . Cara got home from San Francisco Friday night as well . I headed off to work Saturday , and then got home to see Cara off to college . We went to the fair to meet up with friends , and had a fun time . ' Team Rutsky ' won stock car football for the third year in a row , and it was all very exciting . At one point , Luke was driving with his head out the window , which made me sick to see , but he couldn 't see over his crumpled hood . I worked all day Sunday , and now it is time to get my hinder in gear again . Yep . I got pictures , and as soon as I get a minute , I 'll post them . . . We went to meet Susan and Randy , and they are truly great people . While we were walking on the beach looking for beach glass and petoskey stones , I heard a huge splash , turned around , and was astonished to see that a plane had crashed between 100 - 150 yards away . " My God . That plane has gone down in the water ! " I said . We stood gaping . Well then Susan got video . WTOL television picked it up , and ran it as part of their news cast . Hers is the video on the right . More later . Great time . Great people . I worked today . Left from work and went to the funeral of my friend . The church was packed . It seems impossible to think that I 'm not going to see him again . My words for his family ? Bill was a good , good man who loved God , who loved his family , who loved his church , and the world is a better place for that . Probably the funniest thing , which made us laugh and cry at the same time was when someone said , " He was such a tall , tall man . But you know , even if he were short , we 'd have all looked up to Bill . " Somehow it felt as if I glimpsed eternity as I listened to the bell toll as it has tolled for countless others since our church 's beginnings in 1865 . I can 't explain it any better than that . When the service was over , although the people there are dear to me , I did not stay for the meal . I wanted to be alone . I wanted to remember my good friend . So I walked to my car and as I drove up route 62 , a bald eagle soared out in front of my car , the bright white of his head and tail catching the sun as he lifted higher and higher on powerful wing strokes . I watched him until he was out of my sight . At Bill 's funeral , it had been read : ' But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength ; they shall mount up with wings as eagles ; they shall run , and not be weary ; and they shall walk , and not faint . ' Seeing that eagle made me smile . Well , I best finish packing . We 're heading out in a couple hours . In a few hours , I 'll be meeting Susan and her husband Randy for the first time , although we 've been online friends for as long as I have had a blog . I 'm looking forward to this day trip very much . So today , I was setting out some clearance shoes . We 've got some great deals on Ariats and men 's boots . So , I was setting out these boots , and one thing caught my eye . We had two pair of Carhartt workboots . Marked down to $ 19 . 99 . Originally probably a hundred dollar boot . We only had two pair of the discontinued style . One pair size 12 and another in size 13 . I don 't know anyone with feet that big , and it 's a darn shame too . I do so love a good bargain . So I was working the register and a man and his teenaged grandson came in . I looked at the boy . " What size shoe do you wear ? " I asked . He looked surprised and said , " Size 12 . " " Okay , now listen . Over on that rack right there , we 've got a couple pairs of Carhartt workboots . One pair is size 12 . They 're closing out that style . We 've got two pair left and they have just been marked down to $ 19 . 99 . " His grandpa looked over at him quickly . " Do you have your boots for hunting ? " he asked . And the boy said , " Not yet . " Grandpa said , " Don 't ring me up . Let 's go look at those boots , boy , " and off they went . Soon they were back at the counter , the boy holding a boot box . " How 'd those feel on your feet ? " I asked . And the boy said , with a big smile , " Good . They feel good . " Grandpa bought the boots for him and the boy went out of the store holding that box , talking excitedly to his grandfather . You could tell those boots meant a lot to the boy . You could tell that buying those boots for his grandson meant a lot to grandpa . The whole darn thing made my day . We live in a quiet neck of the woods . One of the things that we always say is ' Nothing ever happens here . ' We read stories from the big world out there , and we feel lucky . We think , ' Thank goodness I live here . Stuff like that doesn 't happen , not here . ' Even though it is a lie , because shockingly , things do happen here . It 's gotten to the point where every time I catch myself thinking ' stuff like that never happens here ' , it is immediately followed up by another thought : ' That is no longer true . ' Last week , we had friends in for a cookout . We were sitting on the deck blabbing , and I heard a helicopter . It was not headed west , to Erie , where people go when they are lifeflighted . It did not seem to be coming from the direction of the river , where they often run the length of our county , dropping their load of Bti to control blackflies . But I was blabbing , and laughing , and just sort of registered the sound of that chopper , without giving it a lot of thought . The next day , we were both shocked to read that a couple eating lunch at a park at a local beach had been accosted by a man with a gun who tied up the man with duct tape and abducted the woman . At 3 in the afternoon . Broad daylight . These things don 't happen , not here . But that 's a lie . Because they do . Tim headed out the door for work . I headed out the door for work . I left a note for Cara , sitting atop of the newspaper . " Stay away from the dam " I wrote . And when I got home , that evening , we were blabbing . She laughed at one point . " I was thinking to leave a note saying that me and the gang had gone to the dam to look for that man . " And she went on to poo - poo my fears . " He 's long gone , " she said . " He 's not in Warren County . " I looked at this girl . We are so different . But we comfort ourselves with the same words . " It can 't possibly happen . Not here . " But the difference between her and I is that she still believes it . This morning , Tim walked out to get the newspaper . There it was . They caught the man . He 'd headed up into Canada . I was glad to hear that he is caughtPosted by I 'm in the process of buying my textbooks . Last spring , it was much cheaper to buy them from half . com or from e - bay . This year ? Shockingly , only one book was cheaper online . The rest are cheaper at the Campus Bookstore . That surely wasn 't right . I thought for sure that I must be missing something . So I went back , collected all the information again , and began looking books up . Yep . Only one book was cheaper , and by the time you factored in the s / h , I was saving less than $ 9 . Huh . That 's a first . Anyone else discovered the same thing ? And now it is Monday morning . It 's been a nice weekend . Tim and I are taking a trip this week , just a day trip to Ohio , but we will be meeting Susan and her husband Randy , flying in from Arizona . It is the first time that I 've met a blogger friend in real life , and we both are plenty excited about this . So we dabbled around on the computer looking for things to do in the Cleveland area . There was quite a number of things listed , but things always sound like great fun on paper , don 't they ? So we did a lot of debating . Sunday morning we went to church , and a couple walked in and sat down in front of us . Because I am a blabber ( you may not have noticed ) , I started a conversation , and guess where they were from ? Yep . Cleveland . We got some very nice ideas from them . Sunday turned out to be quite a day . We went to a birthday party . We found out that our friend had slipped into a coma and was breathing his last . There were tears . We all wanted to do something , but there is nothing really to be done at that point , is there ? So we grabbed up our hymnals and headed for their front yard where we stood in front of the open window and sang four of the old hymns that Bill loved so much . The Old Rugged Cross . Be Thou my Vision . It is Well With My Soul . Amazing Grace . Although we had walked over as a group , cars following us with the people who could not walk , we came back in rag tag groups , quiet . It seems impossible that we will not hear Bill 's voice again , booming out to us " This is the day that the Lord hath made . . . " and we will not call back to him , " Let us rejoice and be glad in it . . . " I cry a little every time I think of it . Of him . Of Connie , left behind . Bill died last night , a few minutes after seven . I cried again , when it was confirmed , although , at that point , it was not unexpected . As we were pulling out of the driveway to get a few things to pack in lunches , a four wheel drive pulled in . We were delighted to see our bearded buddy Rae . We kidnapped him and we all went downtown for the groceries , came back home for aPosted by This morning we were rudely awoken at 3 . There was quite a ruckus in the back yard . It was a bear . The camera was in the car , and so there are no pictures of this fellow . Since there was , simultaneously , a ruckus going on in the neighbor 's yard , we did not go out to get the camera , figuring that there was more than one of the animals in the area . Our bear was a good size one , with both ears tagged , which meant that he has had previous experience with the game commission . Tim thinks that he is probably a ' bad bear ' , one who has learned to survive on garbage , and has forgotten how to forage . This means that no matter how many times he is moved , he will head back out of the woods looking for garbage . We have had a nice weekend , so far . Quiet . Lots of handholding . Yesterday , we went garage saling and found some things for the grandchild on the way . We went out to a just opened pizza shop in an out of the way place , and enjoyed a vegetable pizza . This new shop is a very bare bones operation , but I watched the owners tenderness with a obviously challenged man . He came in , excited about his sheriff star . " Got my badge , " he said , repeatedly , pulling on his shirt . And we all congratulated him . Just to see the patience of everyone as they zipped around , trying to get the pizzas done , at the same time , listening kindly to the man with the sheriff 's badge . . . it was kind of heartwarming really , and since I love to watch kindness , I found myself hoping that this struggling new business ' makes it ' . That 's it really . What a nice weekend this has been . To think ! We still have a full day in front of us . Church , a party , and then home to plan a day trip for next Friday . Tim and I have had a rough time of things , and although we have gotten back on the same page , things are not yet back to normal . Not really . We are careful and kind to each other . We extend small gestures of love . We have not , however , had a lot of time . Tim 's job has over an hour commute each way , each day , in addition to the eight hours there . My last job was at a 24 hour store , so I was getting home late . We were both too weary to really focus on each other . But , again , things have changed . Tim now has a day job . He 's not so tired . My new job at the Tractor Supply is nice too . Since the store closes at 8 : 00 , I am home by 8 : 30 , so Tim and I have a hour or so to visit before we go to bed . ( His alarm goes off at 4 : 45 AM ) . In spending the time with my husband , I realize how much I have missed him , and how far we have drifted in the past few months . We have this weekend off . Both of us . The whole entire weekend . I can 't remember the last time that happened . I felt like a child on the first day of summer vacation when I left work last night . I got home and Tim had made popcorn . We shared a glass of ice water , and we talked . We went to bed , still talking . We were still talking when we turned out the lights , and in the darkness , my hand traced the familiar curve of his jaw . I 've missed that , the quiet intimacy of marriage . We read the paper together this morning , talking about the news while he ate his cheerios , while I drank my coffee . These small rituals happen each and every day . I know them by heart , but usually I drink my coffee alone , after he 's eaten his cheerios and left for work . Or , vice versa , on the weekends . He 's gone to take care of a small chore at one of the apartments , but he 'll be back shortly . We have the afternoon to do as we please . We have the evening to do as we please . We have tomorrow to worship together , because it pleases us to do so . And then , we 'll have Sunday stretched long before us , waiting to be filled with the quiet things of our lives . Monday will come . It always does , but we 've got aPosted by I don 't know why it has never occurred to me before : buying stock over the internet ! What a dang fine idea that is ! Just click on a link and pick out your stock and send them money , and bingo , penny stocks turn into millions . ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) If there is a flaw in this great plan , I cannot see it . It 's quick , it 's easy , and anyone can do it . That 's why they are only letting a few people in on the big deal . Just a few of us . We can 't have everyone making millions now ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) I mean the whole point of being rich is to be better than anyone else . Isn 't it ? So yeah . Those folks in Nigeria are doing the right thing by only letting a few of us in on the big secret . I can 't help wondering why , out of all the people in the world , ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) they chose little ol ' me to receive that e - mail , that once in a life time offer ? I 've been tossing it around for a while , and I 've come to the conclusion that it is because some folks , well , they just can 't manage money . Me and Tim ? We can . I guess I should say I can , because the e - mail came to my mail box , not Tim 's . So , they have their doubts about Tim , but me ? Hey , I can handle the riches ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) . Anyways , Tim is lucky to be married to me , because when I am rolling in the dough ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) , I am willing to share with him . I get millions of these offers ( MILLIONS , I TELL YOU ! ) every day . Sweepstakes , and stocks , and * psst * Hey buddy , wanna buy a watch ? sort of things . Honestly . It amazes me that anybody would fall for this stuff . But they do . Cara 's been home for a week , chock full of stories about her summer work with 42 inner city high school students . The experience was such an eye opener for her that she dropped her education minor . She could write a book on this summer 's adventures . Lord knows , her stories had the rest of us rolling on the floor as we heard them . Having a chunk of free time on her hands is intolerable to Cara . So she is headed to Dylan 's house in Fleetwood . The two of them are flying out tomorrow morning for San Francisco . Why ? Because they 've never been . Because they 're bored . I got up with Tim . He leaves the house at 5 : 30 to get to work by 7 . Since Cara does not get up until later ( the girl still believes that 9 : 30 is the ' butt crack of dawn ' ) I had some time to myself . I wandered about in blogland and managed to scare the bejeebers out of myself . Someone had made a reference to the Beaumont children of Adelaide . Having no idea what they were speaking of , I looked it up . Three siblings disappeared from a crowded Adelaide beach in 1966 . Just vanished . Never to be heard from again . I tried to imagine what happened to the parents of those children . How does your life move past such a point ? The parents seem to be just as completely gone as their children . I found nothing on them at all . And my mind began to wander as my mind is wont to do . I think of my own children , as the children that they were . I think of them during all their days . From their first breaths . Learning to walk . Learning to talk . First day of school . Elementary school . High school . Graduation . The pictures flicker through my mind , and I am happy to have them . Lucky to have them . I spent the quiet time reading and thinking , and roaming about in my mind . Last night , when Cara and I had gone shopping for Dylan 's birthday , she asked , " When you were my age , were you so crazy busy that you did not feel like you were able to realize that you had fun until after the fact ? " Interesting . I thought . " I guess , maybe , " I said . And she said , " I feel bad sometimes , because when I Posted by Girlfriends ' Lunch OutA group of 40 - year - old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally , it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there were very good looking . Ten years later at 50 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good , the wine selection was good also , and the waiters were cute . Ten years later at 60 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet , the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean , and the waiters were sweet boys . Ten years later , at 70 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible , they even had an elevator , and the waiters were kindly . Ten years later , at 80 years of age , the group once again discussed where they should meet for lunch . Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before . So , I was working at the store , and our neighbor down the road dropped in . Heck of a nice guy . He 's standing in line with a grin on his face . He says , " You know my wife . I got an anniversary coming up . What do you think about this for a present ? " and he holds up a bottle of Anti - Monkey Butt Powder in a hot pink bottle for the ladies . I laughed out loud and said , " I think this , Keith : whatever is in the second package better be very , very nice . " Cara sat on the steps in the kitchen as I put together a fruit salad . " I heard that your brain does not slow down when you get older , " she said . " Yeah . I heard that too , " I said . " So ha ! Turns out that it takes us longer to retrieve the information because we 've got more of it , but we don 't process more slowly . Yeah . I actually was going to tell you about that . . . " She looked at me with a smile playing around her lips . " . . . . but you forgot , " she filled in . I chopped on . " Yep , " I said . " I forgot . " She just about fell off the steps laughing . Who raised that smart alec anyway ? Remember this car ? Tim got the thing inspected Friday . He picked it up Friday evening , after he got off work . Now read the local police blotter entry : Hit and run . Conewango Twp . Police reported that on Friday at 10 : 15 p . m . James Swick of Warren was driving a 2005 Dodge Caravan east on Jackson Run Rd . when he turned right onto Market Street . At the same time , police said , a white sports car , possibly a Ford Mustang , was traveling north in the southbound lane , in reverse , at a high rate of speed . Police reported the sports car then spun forward , struck the Dodge on the driver 's side front bumper , and fled the scene traveling west on Jackson Run Rd . According to police , no major injuries were sustained and Swick was able to drive his vehicle from the scene . Police asked that any information regarding the suspect or the suspect 's vehicle please contact the Conewango Twp . Police . Cara and I had a good laugh when we read the paper . Tim ? Not so amused . His ' new ' vehicle is waiting for new front and rear bumper covers . ( The previous owner ran it into a ditch . ) He 's half expecting local police to show up at our house with questions . I can tell you that at 10 : 15 , Tim was in bed . So was I . Unfortunately ( ? ) there are no witnesses to attest to that . Yesterday was freight day at the store . It is a day to work hard , getting everything set out on the floor . The manager running the show is a hard , hard worker , and he was heaving around bags of dog food and bird seed like a weight lifter . I tried to keep up with him , but there was no way . Plus , I am a bit of a handicap since I have to ask 10 , 000 questions , not having figured out where everything in the store goes . But I also noted that I was not the only one with questions . All night long , the call went out across the aisles . " Hey ? Jeremy ? " " Jeremy ! " Jeremy . . . " as we all darted about putting stuff away . At one point , I had to laugh . " Do you sometimes get sick of hearing your own name ? " I asked . And he looked at me with the biggest grin on his face . " No comment , " he replied . So we aPosted by I saw the picture in the paper . Another acquaintance has died of breast cancer . Tammy went to school with Tim . I recounted a moment with her last year . She was a very quiet woman with a very sweet nature . I remember how devoted her mother was . The only thing that I could imagine worse than dealing with cancer is watching your child struggle with cancer . The pain in that mother 's eyes , Tammy 's quiet stoicism . . . in the past couple days , my mind keeps coming back to consider Tammy , and that morning at the Cancer Center last year . Driving to work today , I was thinking of her again , when a shocking thing occurs to me . There were five cancer patients sitting together in that waiting room that morning just 16 months ago . Of the five , now there is just one . I am the last one . The thought of it gives me a shiver . I pull into the parking lot of the job that I love , and before I go in , I sit there a moment , saying a little prayer . I take a deep breath . Then I stride into the store , and I greet my coworkers . Funny Story of the Day : Okay , so I 'm working at the store and an older gentleman walks up to my counter , and I greet him cheerfully and he answers , " Hello , Baby ! " I glance at him quickly because he 's not the sort you 'd be expecting to pop out with something like that . He looks back at me just as shocked as I was looking at him , I imagine . He stammered , " I meant to say Debby ( my name is on my vest ) . I don 't talk like that . Jees . I don 't even know where that came from . " And he was so embarrassed , standing there apologizing , and I felt awful for him . I guessed that what happened was that he took a look at my name tag , initially misread my name , did a quick double take , and then just blurted out the wrong thing . I don 't know . Anyways , he was really embarrassed , and I do know this man , a little , from the Cancer Center , though I don 't think he remembers me . The best way to describe him is ' salt of the earth ' . He would no more talk to a stranger like that than my Tim would . So I looked back at him , and in an attempt to put him at ease , I blurted , " Oh , no . Please don 't give it a second thought . Usually it 's me coming out with something that makes me sound like a ninny . " Long pause as we studied each other . My face began to turn as red as his . " Not that you sounded like a ninny , " I stammered . " I don 't know where that came from . . . " Bless his heart . He was still laughing as he went out the door . Ay yi yi . I 'm the wife of a good man , the mother of good kids , the grandmother of sweet William . I am a student . A small time writer for the local paper . I am funny . I am serious . I am practical . Hardworking . I make great bread . I 'm loyal . |
Bella decided to get up at 8 : 30 today . Normally we get up between 9 and 10 . I prefer the 10 side of the morning . The only good part of getting up this early , is I will have more time to get all my stuff done and still have time to do the things I WANT to do . John and I went to Costco on Monday and spent 300 dollars . It is shocking how much food you really don 't get for 300 dollars . Today I am going to Walmart and spend 2 - 300 more on everyday food . We are tired of not having food all the time . We normally run out of food near the beginning of the second week . This way we will have food even when it is time to go back to the store . He wanted to stock the pantry , this recession thing is bugging him . We NEED to get the garden going so it is ready for the spring . If we grow all the foods we use , it would save money and is good for us and the earth . I wish we had gotten it done for this season , but money just would not allow me to have the garden I wanted . I have some really good ideas about the way I want it to look . I guess my problem is I have too many good ideas , and frankly just can not fit them all in . List of things to do to day . . . Go to WalmartSweep and mop the floor in the kitchenLaundry2 hours of internet work ( formally pink cards ) DishesMake Spencer do his choresMy secret Christmas gift projectWash living room windowsWash kitchen windowsOk , Spencer is getting on me , he wants to get going now . I will blog at you later ! ! I have made a decision . I am going to work really hard for the next 9 months and make my crafts and save them for spring . I think that I could do better work , and have more quantity if I do it this way . I love Aunt Debbie 's idea , and I am totally on board for doing something like that . I don 't know the darnedest thing about doing things like this , so I love hearing ideas . I went online and stole , I mean found allot of really cute crafts to do . Ok , here are some of my ideas . . . Halloween decorations ( signs , garland ect . ) , Christmas decorations ( again signs , garlands ect . ) , 4th of July , Thanksgiving . I think those are the only holidays I will work with . They are the ones I will be selling during , or right before . But here is where I have cute ideas . While on vacation I decided that I love ocean decor . You know , shells , lighthouses , water colors . . . , well I love the thought of making a " line " of decorations that revolve around the ocean . I could also expand that idea into other themes . . . Elvis , cars , Disney , cats , dogs , you name it , I could create it . I also want to crate ornaments ( balls to be exact ) . I want to purchase different color balls , and paint designs on them . I also want to do things like I made for the girl Spencer went to school with . I have sketched out a few drawings to make . I have priced the kind of wood I want for making all my crafts , and it is about $ 4 - 7 for a 4 ' x4 ' slab of wood . I will need lots of 4 ' x4 ' x slabs of wood . Now that I am picking up a few more hours , and restarted my second job today , I should be able to really put some money into it . I hate waiting to start , and hate the thought of waiting until next year to sell my items . I am a do it now kind of girl . Patients is a virtue , I guess . We went to the Mason County Fair on Sunday . Had a blast . Here are some of the pictures . They are out of order , but still cute . We started at the rodeo , then did rides , animals and then the garden area . Horse . Pig . Spencer going on the rides . He had so much fun . I freaked out while they were on this ride . Too too high . Woho , slow down there boy ! ! Spencer at the rodeo , stick horse races . Spencer 's cheerleader . Dirty boy after his race . Mark and Kyla , our neighbors . They are the coolest people ever . Posted by So I was worried about my " pink card " job and if it was going to be ending . Turns out , the pink card part it , but I will still be working from home doing Internet work for them still . I am going in tomorrow , noonish , so that I can learn what it is that I will be doing . I am sort of excited , it will be nice to be getting a second paycheck again . So while at work yesterday , I was pulled into the office to talk to Nate ( one of our assistant managers ) . I thought I was going to be yelled at for something from the night before , but he asked me if I could pick up some more hours . I had just asked the other day if I could pick up some more hours , so that worked out didn 't it ! ! I figure I will go in and work 8 hour days on Saturday and Sunday . That will give me the extra 8 a week , plus when the hours change at work , I will pick up an extra 1 . 5 on Wednesday and Thursdays . That means , with both jobs I will officially make the most money I have ever made , and I am still working under 40 hours a week . NICE ! ! ! I feel awesome right now . I have never felt like I contribute much financially to the house , and this makes me feel like a real man , oops , I mean woman . The amount of money I will be making will pay ALL the everyday bills , Johns paycheck on the 15th will pay the mortgage and his paycheck on the 30th will be all mine , oops again , I mean ours . SORT OF SUBJECT CHANGE . . . I found what I am going to be doing for Christmas gifts . I should not talk about it here , its not safe ( people are watching us right now , meet me in the alley at 7pm , come alone ) . I am super excited about my idea , I just hope the people getting the gifts like it too . OOOHHH , I found what I am going to give my dad for Christmas too , super super cool . It combines both of our loves ( again , cant tell you here , he may read this some day and it is too cool to not give him ) . While looking around online for gift ideas yesterday , I found a super cute cross stitch with a cat that looks like Bob with a Santa hat on saying Bah Humbug . Too cute , had to buy it . I love to croPosted by Yesterday sucked . I hardly ever hate my job , but yesterday made me want to throw down my apron and walk out . I am fed up with people not listening , or listening and just ignoring . Should I really have to explain how to clean ? Does a broom need to come with instructions ? Windex comes with directions , but it does not tell you when to use it . Perhaps that is the problem . Maybe the people at Johnson and Johnson should have included the following . . . " when windows , counter , glass ect . becomes so dirty people are writing their names in it , it is time to use this product " . Come on people . I often wonder if some of the people I work with drive to work . Now , if they can get a complicated machine such as a car all the way across town , why do I need to explain in great detail how to wipe a counter down ? Are trash bags such an enigma ? They sure as hell know how to tell time . It is like the second it is their break time , their blood sugar drops . If they know it is break time at 8pm , why can they not understand that I want the place is cleaned by 9pm ? It goes back to the question I asked the other day about getting my son to clean up after himself . Do I just keep cleaning up after them , or keep nagging them ? It is like the never ending question . . . does my husband put the plates in the wrong spot so I will tell him that I will do it next time ? , or does he really not know where he gets the plates and has gotten the plates from for the last 15 years ? . I don 't know . John and I will be getting a new bed ( between now and when we retire ) , and we need a split queen box spring set . I don 't mind having a used box spring , who sees it any way ? ! ? ! Box springs are really expensive , the kind we need seems to be the most expensive one out there . It is hard to find too . Let me know if anyone out there has one for sale , or knows anyone that has one for sale . Not sure when we can afford to get it , but still looking for it . OOOOHHHHH , also , Spencer and I have been working hard on collecting Box Tops for Education , and if anyone would like to help us collect them that would be super cool . I was thinking you could send them snail mail by the beginning of September . They get cool prizes for bringing them in . I got another wild hair up my butt today . I got the shop vac out and vacuumed the cracks in the hard wood floors in the living room . The floors are so old that the wood had shrunk and created gaps in between the boards . So much crap gets caught in my cracks ! ! ! The floors are so hard to keep clean . I am torn between what is better , carpet or hard wood floors . Carpet is hard to keep free of spots and high traffic areas , but hardwood eventually gets high traffic areas too and don 't get me started on the damn dust bunnies ! ! ! I am not a vacuum fan . They are loud and blow dust every where . At least with hard wood floors , I can clean them while the baby is sleeping . The kitchen is trashed , again . I plan on cleaning it , but I have to wait for Bella to get up from her nap . I just put her down not too long ago , so it should be a while . I am getting the feeling the work will never end . I wonder how I can get it to change , even just a bit . I do the same thing everyday . I wake up , make breakfast for the 3 of us . I do a few loads of laundry , then refold the laundry that got messed up the day before . This is where I would normally do pink cards , but I don 't do those any more . Now I mess around online , talk to my friend Jessie for a hour or two . She at that point has to get ready for school . Then it is time to feed the kids , and get Bella ready for bed . While she is sleeping I take advantage of that time to do anything I planed on doing that I can not do while she is awake ( sweep , mop , clean the bathroom , take a bath , clean the car out ect . . . ) . When she wakes up , it is snack time and bath time if we are going to take baths that day . I don 't know why I give her a bath in the middle of the day , I just do . It gives me a chance to put her in a clean outfit . I start the dishes , dinner and finish up laundry at that time . Depending on the day , I have to also shower in between doing all this . I usually do not have time to sit down and eat what I have cooked , so I eat while serving the rest of the family and while doing my hair and makeupPosted by The doctor said that she is fine . She actually only had the poops once today . I really wish I had not taken her in . Waste of money . She said that I am doing everything right ( food , liquid ect . . . ) and if she is not done with the liquid poops by Friday , to call them . I only changed the one poopy diaper today , and I am sure John did not have any issues . The good news is , she ate real food at dinner . I wonder if it had to do with me feeding her , and not letting her feed herself . So any way , she is fine . I will see if she is back to eating normally tomorrow morning . Aunt Debbie , she has been drinking liquids just fine the whole time , she just was not having just pee diapers . She very well could have been peeing , I just could not tell with all that poop . Note to self , stick to mommy instinct , do not let grandma or daddy tell you your wrong . Mommy knows best . I have some windows from the 1920 's that we are looking to sell . Let me know if you , or any one you know , are interested in them . Posted by Bella has been sick for far too long . I am taking her to the doctor today at 3 : 30 . She is not showing any signs of being sick , but has not eaten much in the last 5 days , and has had diarrhea since Friday . She threw up the last time Friday night , but has had diarrhea for 5 1 / 2 days . This is what she ate yesterday . . . 1 / 4 cup honey nut Cheerios , 1 pouch of oatmeal , 1 / 2 pasta salad and some green bean and carrots . I am not sure how much veggies she ate , John fed her . One of the problems she is having is she is not peeing . With all that diarrhea , and no pee , something is wrong . She has been drinking plenty , but just not peeing . I don 't know if I am just over reacting , but I feel like her tummy is hard too . I thought it was a sign of being backed up , but mom says it can be a sign of a parasite too . She just does not seem sick . If you were to come visit , you would not know that she was even having any issues . I am the reason she has not gone to the doctor sooner . I thought she would get over it . It just costs too much to go to the doctor every little time something doesn 't feel good , but this has been going on to long . Any way , I will blog about it tonight after work , and let you know what is going on . This is Spencer 's book shelf after Mommy got her hands on it . Doesn 't it look lovely ? Here is his bed , the bookshelf on the left of it . Don 't know if you noticed , but his room is done in Sponge Bob . This is the closet in his room , before . As you can see the roof angles down , making it hard for a grown up to get back in there . It is a pain in my butt to put clothes away . Plus , you have to limbo under the clothes that are hanging . OK , this is the view into the toy room ( aka the secret room ) . His bed is directly behind me , so when he is in bed , this is what he is looking at . Do you see the door on the left side in there ? That is where I have moved his closet to . It is a normal size , and super clean . Ok , this is the new closet . The view of the left side of it . For those of you who are wondering about the treasure , no I can not get that " door thing " open . We have no idea what is behind it or how to get to it . I am sure that it is just insulation . Below is the view of the closet on the right hand . Look at those beautiful shelves that will very soon hold pants , jammies , socks and underwear . Ok , now we are in the toy room . You can see the new closet on the left hand side of this picture . Those are the windows on the right . Below is the other side of the toy room . To the right is the weird area without a name . This is going to be Bella 's new closet . I don 't understand why it is like that , but it will work perfectly for her closet . I plan on hanging some sort of drapes or sheers in that door frame so she can have her own space . Eventually she will move into Spencer 's room , and Spencer will move down stairs into the office . He wants that room , but he is too young to be down there by himself for now . That way Bella gets a bigger room . Her room now is kind of small . Perfect for an office . This is a better view of that space , the soon to be closet . You can also see Bella 's crib in her room . Now do you guys get the hard to describe toy room ? This was taken just inside Bella 's room , again her soon to be new closet . So we have lived hePosted by So I don 't mean to blog so much , but I need your opinions right quick . So the little boy next door ( Jaden ) moved out and his parents rented his house out . Turns out the renters have 3 kids too ( Edger , John and Angelica ) . Jaden is a bad kid . He is rude , and has no respect for his mom . He yells , hits and was just not a very good friend to Spencer . I was relieved when he moved because I did not have to tell Spencer he could not play with Jaden any more . Well turns out his parents keep coming back to work on the house , and Jaden and the other 3 kids have become friends . I love the other kids , they are very respectful and just nice quiet kids . Very good impressions on my son . Glad to have them over . My problem is , Jaden keeps coming over with them to ask if Spencer can play . I used the sick thing as an excuse yesterday , and tried it today too , but they came back again and asked again if Spencer could play . I ended up answering the door for Spencer this time ( he has a hard time repeating what I am saying , and I wanted them to understand that he would not be playing today ) . Jaden was out there , but he was hiding . While they were here the first time , I had Spencer ask them to stop looking in the windows . They will come up to the front door , and look in the windows before knocking on the door . Yesterday I was sleeping on the couch while Bella was napping , and I was still in my jammies ( tank top , not kid appropriate ) . I sat up , having a minor coronary , and they were all looking in at me . I was so embarrassed . That brings me to Jaden hiding , yelling " look in their windows ! ! " . That was 30 minutes after Spencer asked them to stop looking in the windows . RUDE ! ! ! I has already said to Angelica that he could not play because Bella was still sick and I did not want it to be passed to them , when I heard Jaded yell that . That is when I said . . . " Jaden . I think you need to work on your respect . I am not letting Spencer play today because you are here , and I do not want his to learn to be disrespectful like you are . " , that is when I tuPosted by What a few days I have had . Bella must have a huge stomach . It must be the size of a Buick . What the heck . How can milk turn to cottage cheese so fast ! ! ! So , I was afraid that I had lost my second job . Turns out I have not lost it , it is just changing . I don 't know that the pay will change , I am sure it will ( in a negative way , I will not be doing as much this time . I think ) . I will now be entering email address , I think . I am meeting with my boss ( Brian ) on Monday and he will explain it to me then . When I thought I had lost my job I was just sick about it . I really should have just asked Brian straight out when I found out things were changing , but John wanted me to wait . Waiting just made it bad . I ended up emailing him yesterday , and I think that made Brian mad . I emailed him as if I had already lost the job . Turns out , they just want me to do this other thing . Brian emailed me back and had me call him today . When I spoke with him today , he sounded irritated with me . It could have something to do with me saying I was disappointed with him for not calling or emailing . Or that I was going to have to pick up extra hours at the dept and hire someone to watch the kids for a few hours a week now . I really wish I had just asked him when John said something about my job may be going away . But I did not , I just waited . Open mouth , insert foot . I still think I am going to pick up a few extra hours at the Depot . I figure if I go in and work a full shift on Saturday , that is like 16 extra hours a month . That is almost $ 175 a month extra , just for 4 hours a week ! ! It really adds up quickly . Also , I was thinking I could also go in on Wednesday and Thursday an hour earlier too . That is 6 hours a week . That is $ 260 a month . Wow , crazy . For someone that only earns $ 600 - 700 a month , that is allot of money . John and I have been talking , and we just don 't have allot of extra money . With back to school , Halloween , Thanksgiving , Christmas and Bella 's birthday coming up we really are going to need extra money . I don 't know what we arePosted by Bella just threw up on me . Man did that stink . I am not good with puke . I can totally handle poop . Bring it , I can pretty much handle any of it . But I loose all love for anyone that is puking . Just can not handle it . Damn good thing John was home , or we would have just left it on the floor and moved into the other room for the night . I can not do puke . I , of course , freaked out and my first instinct was to get my dirty clothes off of me . John , bless his heart , thought of the baby . It got us thinking . She has been fine all day . Like I wrote earlier , she has been up from 9am ( with 2 naps ) and did not get or act sick at all . She had some dinner , not much , but really I don 't blame her . I got her dressed for bed and warmed up some milk . This was the first milk of the day . With in 15 minutes she was loosing her dinner and milk . I instantly thought of the milk . Wait , John and I just talked it out , and Spencer did not have any milk with dinner last night . Bella was the only one that had milk last night or tonight . That rules that out . It just must have been too much for her sour tummy . Any way , we have put her in her bed , she was sooooo sleepy . I only hope we make it through the night . I can not not not go without sleep 2 nights in a row . I did get a few cat naps here and there today , but not any real sleep . We are going to bed just as soon as I am done here . I got a phone call from John last night that Bella was throwing up . I guess she ended up throwing up like 4 times before I got home from work . I ended up staying on the couch , because she fell asleep in the chair . She woke up 3 times dry heaving . Around 2 am , I heard a ruckus up stairs . It was Spencer racing to the toilet . Yep , he was tossing his cookies too . His kicked in later , but lasted just as long . Bella was fine when she woke up this morning around 9 , and Spencer continued ralphing until noonish . He is doing fine now , he managed to hold down 1 / 2 a banana and some toast . Bella is taking a really long nap right now , but she needed it . I had to call in sick to work tonight . There is just no way I can drive all that way , work and drive home at 11pm with 1 hour of sleep . I would be a crying , yelling mess that would probably fall asleep on the way home . That is just no good now is it ! ! I feel really bad about calling in . My number on pet peeve is people that call in sick . I would not have , if there were not enough cashiers tonight . I told my closing manager last night that I would most likely be staying home tonight ( because when babies get sick , mommies get sick . Rule of thumb ! ! ) , so because of that and the extra cashiers tonight , I feel a little better . Oh well , I can not make everyone happy all the time . I either go to work and make the boss happy ( if he even notices I am there and not at home sick ) , or I stay where I belong . With my babies . I chose wise . So there are too many strange things going on with our house right now . Let me back track . As I have said before , we don 't know when our house was built . We have gone to the city of Shelton , and they don 't know when our house was build . Don 't you think that is strange ? Ok , it gets more strange . Last Sunday a van pulls up to the front of the house . There were a few people inside , and John went out to see what they wanted . The driver said he had lived in the house in the 1950 's . Now , keep in mind that we have been trying to find names of people that have lived in the house since we moved in . John had a short conversation with the gentelman , but never got his information ( I was taking a nap that day , what are the chances ! ! ! ) . He did get some information before he left . He was a boy when he lived in our house , and his bedroom was Spencers room , and his sister was is Bella 's room . John told them about the bathroom upstairs , and the man said that they had always wanted a bathroom upstairs , it was a good place for it . He also said that his father was the one that placed all the bricks on the bottom half of the house . We thought they were origanl to the house , so that was interesting . His father was also the one that hand dug the basement . Now that is where my storie goes , so keep up . I guess that was the extent of the information John got that day . He came upstairs and told me about the people coming by , and all the information he had gathered . I did not really think anything of it , except that I wish he had gotten the mans name and information . Exactly 1 week to the day , a man and his 2 kids pulled into the back ally . John just happened to be outside and saw him out there . Come to find out , he was the man that had sold the house to the people we bought the house from . He was the one that remodled it after it had be abondend and left to the homeless and druged out Shelton people . He had to 80 % restore the house , so he knew everthing about the house . We got a ton of information from him . We did not bother to get his inforPosted by This picture was taken on 4 - 17 - 2008 . There is almost no hair there ! ! This was the end of May in Grand Coulee . This was yesterday in the tub . Tons of hair there . Blowing bubble kisses ! ! So , I was looking at pictures from our trip in May , and Bellas hair has grown so much . I took some pictures of her in the bath yeasterday to show you . It is getting crazy long now . Ok , here is what I know . She came home , it was hot , so she turned on the A / C . I guess at that point she left . I am not sure where she went , but I know it was not far . I also do not know if it was her that found the fire , or her sister that lives across the street . I guess it could have been a neighbor too . Her A / C was in her bedroom , and that is where the fire burned mostly . Her room was gone John said . Just gone . I guess she had just done her laundry , so her clothes were in the living room waiting to be put away , so they were ok . Just stinky . Also , Johns childhood things were in another room . They were not burnt , but there is water damage , and smoke as well . Again , the worst part is that she is homeless . Now what ? Luckily she is a nice person , and has allot of friends . I think I said this in the other blog , but she often spends time at friends houses . I guess her sister said she would pull her travel trailer into the drive way and she could stay there . In talking to my mom , I guess there are a few options , but we need more facts first . I am sure that John doesn 't want me to give to much personal info of his moms , so I am trying not to hit details . But I feel this may work out in the end . Good will come of this , I think her life will be better in the long run . A half an hour ago John got a phone call from his aunt . His moms house has burnt down . He , of course , left to go over there . I don 't know why , how or any details yet . All I do know is she has had her trailer for as long as John can remember . She was still paying for it , and did NOT have any insurance . Not to mention , all those years of memories inside . She is ( as is John ) a pack rat , so I am sure the loss is too crazy to even begin thinking about . I am sitting here wondering what the heck has happened , but I don 't think John is even there yet . I hear that she was not home when it happened . The good news is she is never home , she is always staying with friends . I am sure she has allot of her every day stuff with her . I am sure she will be staying here for a while . She works in Tumwater , so it is really close to Johns work . They can carpool I guess . I don 't know . What will she do ? Is there recovering after something like this when you have no money ? I assume you have a mortgage still , right ? Well , I guess that is what insurance is for . Her staying here for a while does not bother me . I really do care about her , and want her to be OK . I am just glad we have the 4th bedroom , and thank god I have a futon . I will keep you all updated when I hear more . I am sure it will be a long night . So normal John gets Mondays off , but today he is working . I am sad . I miss him . We are going to meet up at 6 and workout . I really should go get some food , I never made it to the store and we are ALL out of food . We have bread , 1 soda and lots of lettuce . I could make a salad with diet Pepsi dressing and toast the bread up for croutons . Sounds like a plan . I cant wait to go to the gym , I could not go yesterday , because we has a birthday party to go to . Wow , I have nothing else to say . That 's a first . I had the question . . . " What is a pink card ? " . I don 't know how far the commercials go out , but Titus Will has gas cards entries . Any time a person comes in and looks at a car , they can be entered in a drawing to win a gas card . I , as do a few more people , enter this information into the system . It is a part time job I have had for 1 year now . I work for 2 hours a day , not too bad . Pays the bills . I , as a matter of fact , have a few to enter right now . Until tomorrow ! ! I woke up with the over whelming feeling that I must go for a walk . Spencer , Bella and I packed it up and went for a walk . I needed to go to the store and get some coffee creamer anyway . When we were done we got in the car and clocked it , it was 1 . 4 miles . I was a bit disappointed in that , but at least we got up and did it . I took my phone thinking Jessie or John would call me , but no one did . It was a nice time for the kids and I . When we were just a half a block away from home , my phone finally rang . I tried to answer it , but they could not hear me . My phone is over a year old , but that really is not all that old . I have dropped it over 1 million times , that could have something to do with it not working . Normally when I hit it a few times , it fixes itself but not this time . Any way , I called T - mobile and they said I have had the phone for 15 months , and it takes 22 months to get full credit to replace the phone . I really really love my phone . It is everything I have ever needed in a phone . I am lucky they are still selling the same one . The only problem is the price . When I got it 15 months ago , I paid full price for it , $ 99 . They want $ 139 for it today ! ! ! WTF ! ! That just does not make any sense to me , how about you . Oh , but wait . . . they said that I get some sort of credit because I have had my phone for 15 months . I could have the phone for $ 117 ! ! ! ! Oh , that is much better . I am so glad they could help me . I know it is hard to read sarcasm , but this last part is full of it ( as is T - mobile ) . I really have no choice . I need a phone , I live to far from work , and it is just not safe for me not to have one . Not to mention , I can not possibly live without my phone . I live to text . They did say that my local store may have it for cheaper , or have some sort of deal on it , so I am going to the mall later today ( before work ) to see what it costs there . I need that phone . I could tell it was going down the crapper because it has been acting up the last few days . It actually started to fall apart on the front too . That isPosted by It may be Thursday to you , but to me it is only Tuesday . I am sleepy . I really should just go to bed , but I have pink cards to do . I will put a half an hour in and then hit the sack . What am I going to do tomorrow ? I should go to the store and get food , but I hate going by myself . Bella is a grabber and Spencer just wants everything . I am a 2 shopping cart shopper too , so it is really hard to do without John . I prefer to wait for John and split the list up . The only problem with taking him , is he doesn 't think of the budget , he thinks about his tummy . I need coffee creamer , so I am sure I will go and get some things , but not big shopping until Sunday . Oh wait , we have a birthday party to go to , I guess I am on my own tomorrow . Well , I guess I can put it off until Saturday . That sounds like a plan to me ! ! ! So I am a tanner . I tan at the gym , good prices and new beds . I have been tanning for a few months now . Not all the time , but here and there . I decided to go out in the real sun today , and got freaking tan lines . All that work , and 30 minutes in the sun ruined the no tan lines thing . Damn . Oh well , there is always next year . Today is my Monday . I love that John had a 3 day weekend , but the fact that he was home on my " Sunday " , made my weekend just fly by . Normally I feel like I had a long weekend , but not this time . He only gets one day off this weekend , so I am sure that it will feel like a super long weekend . I went to the gym before work tonight . I am super tired now . I love love love working out , it is the best . I just wish John loved it as much as I do . I don 't know , maybe he does enjoy it , but lately it is hard to get him to go . I know everyone has summer on the mind and wants to be outside , but it only takes 2 hours to get a good workout and then you can go outside and play . He was all for going to the gym during the contest that first got us to go to the gym , but now he just in not as into it . I think the problem is there is no reward for his hard work ( other than the firm hot body ) . OMG , I am watching my favorite show " Ghost Hunters International " . Well the original Ghost Hunters is my favorite , but GHI is good too . I love these shows , but the scare the poop out of me . GH is in the USA , but GHI is in other countries . You really should watch this show . My mom wont , she does not like ghosts , and this show is real , so it is too much for her . Some times it is too much for me . The only problem I have with the show , is I have to watch it by myself late at night . It makes for a scary walk up the stairs to bed . So , looks like John was right . I don 't think it is pink eye , it is just mad and acting out . They are much less runny today , and the pink is almost gone . I am sure if it was pink eye , it would not be better on its own the next day . So , here 's to no pink eye and no co - pay ! ! ! ps . . . , Aunt Debbie , my insurance sucks ass . Well , how many times a life time can a person get pink eye ? Yes , I am pretty sure I have it again . I am going to wait until tomorrow to see how it looks . I really don 't want to go the doctor , it cost to much . We will see . John thinks it may be allergies , but it is just different . I also have a nose thing going onto . Last time I had pink eye , it was a very very bad sinus infection that went up into my eyes . I was fine when I went to bed , no sign of anything going on , so it is just werid . That being said , we woke up and just hung out for the morning . Bella went down for a nap and so did I . After we woke up we decided to go to the beach and comb for shells . Spencer forgot his bag of shells at Uncle Toms house , so we replaced them today . After that we came home . My neighbors across the street became foster parents today . They are very excited , we just met the little boy , David . Too cute . They plan on adopting a baby through foster parenting , so lets hope this baby works out for them . It takes a strong person to be a foster parent . Not too sure I could do it . John would , but I am just not into it . I don 't think I am a good enough mom . Now I have to do pink cards . John and I are going to watch a movie at 9 , when the kids go to bed for the night . It is our weekly mom and dad time . He took today off , other wise we would have watched the movie last night . Looking forward to it , I think it will be funny ( the movie , not mom and dad time ) . Looking forward to hearing all of your comments on my blog . TTFN , Cori . Ok , it took me a while , but I found that link you all needed . Wow , it was really hard for me to find . I hope you enjoy my ramblings , I do it often . I have to do a poop load of pink cards , so I am going to go now . Good night , love me . So today is John and my day off . Today we are going to do yard work . He loves doing it , but getting him out there is not easy . He got a new weed whacker , but I have informed him that he sucks at weed whacking and that I will be doing it for him . The plan is that the boys are going to " camp " in the yard tonight . It should not rain , so we are still on for that plan . I will be sleeping in the house , # 1 the baby will be in the house , # 2 I don 't want to camp . Tonight the neighbors are coming over for dinner . I am super excited to be making friends in the neighborhood . I just hope the wife and I have something in common . They do not have any children , yet , but they are going to become foster parents in hopes of adopting . I just wanted to tell Randi . . . OMG you were right , this blog is freaking awesome ! ! ! It is too easy , and looks good too . Ok people , TTFN , I will blog at you all later . Look for some exciting new updates on today later to night . Ok , so Randi said it would be easier to blog on this site , so I have created this in hopes she is right . I am super sleepy , so I dont think I will wright anything profound tonight , but I am excited to try it out . Posted by I am the proud mother of 3 and a wife . I like to think my every day crazy ideas will make me a million dollars some day , but lets be honest . . . they wont . I am ready to go on the inside , but lazy on the outside . The outside usually wins . My life will be getting allot more crazy come July / August . Keep up with the crazy fun y ' all ! ! |
My children have been wearing my nerves rather thin in the way they treat each other . It seems that someone is usually intentionally doing something to vex someone else . Thus we have a lot of fighting and bickering going on . I have been pondering and praying on what to do about this , and have recently been trying to focus on the positive . This morning I told my kids that tonight I would make something sweet for those who try to be sweet today . I then defined what I meant by sweet , and that they didn 't need to be perfect , but they needed to try . Cinderella was really positive today . She tried not to yell or scream at her siblings , she helped me when she saw that I could use the help , and she tried to be kind . She had a few times that she slipped up , but overall she did really well . The other kids however didn 't seem to care enough . Maybe they are just too young to remember that long . I tried to remind them , but they kept nagging and aggravating one another and me . So tonight after getting the other kids to bed , I made a milkshake for Cinderella . While we were eating our milkshakes , she told me , " I want to be like today everyday . Even if I don 't get a treat ! " I thought " Yes ! " Her day made a positive impression on her . Enough that at the moment she wants to try to be like this every day . Lately I have been paying attention to sense of smell . I have found that when my house smells nice , I am more productive , and want my house to be cleaner . So if I have a scented candle burning , or the windows open , with a fresh breeze blowing through , some fragrant cut flowers in a vase , or even the smell of some cleaners , I tend to work more and feel more productive . I have noticed however comparing yesterday with today , that having a candle burning I get a more positive response than just having a scented wax melt on a warmer . The scented wax melts tend to irritate my nose and sometimes give me a headache , at least the first time I melt a new cube . After that cube has been on the warmer a while the scent isn 't so strong , and doesn 't seem to bother me as much . I don 't know if this is true for all scented wax cubes , or just this particular brand . I will have to try some other brands , and scents and see what the results are . Today my day was awesome and amazing . Do you know why ? Because I decided to make it that way . This morning I told the Hubs , " Today is a new day , I am going to take life by the horns and do something awesome . I don 't know what will be awesome yet , but something will . " I then proceeded to clean the boys room , the living room , the family room , and vacuum the family room . For me that is awesome and amazing . I even had down time to play around with kids , and do my own thing some . Oh and I took some pictures of the work we have done recently on our garden . Thought I would share them . This is our latest feature . This feature already had the butterfly bush , the snap dragons are transplants from other places in the garden , and we added the geraniums to help fill it all out . Tonight the hubs and I made a dessert that uses vanilla wafers . Guy came in and read the box , and called them waffers ( like waffle but without the l and ers at the end . ) Then he called them waughers ( like laugh + ers only with a w ) , then he called them wafers , but went back to calling them waffers . So while we were eating our dessert he had to keep talking about what the waffers tasted like . : ) Today I did the grocery shopping , chased after kids and planted a bunch of plants in my flower garden . The hubs found a bunch of annuals on sale at the garden store , due to it being so late in the season . I would like to eventually fill it out with perennials , but these at least fill out the space for now . Today was my Grandma 's funeral . It was nice to have a chance to remember her , and all the great things she has done in her life . She is an awesome lady , and I hope to be more like her . She put her family first in many ways , and tried hard to teach her children about responsibility and work . Those are areas that I can try a lot harder to do . This evening I was heading out for a night free of kids to do some school clothes shopping . I got in the car and started backing out of the drive way . Then I heard a bump . The kids have a tendency to leave things behind the car , and even though I hadn 't seen anything there I figured I had better go out and check . When I checked I didn 't see anything , but noticed that the wooden beam that goes in between the cement pads in our drive way was sticking up a little bit , and figured I had bumped it . Well I got back in the car , and started backing out again . I went down over the curb , and knew I heard something . But knowing there hadn 't been anything there before , I figured there must be something in the trunk bumping around , and I kept driving . However when the front wheels hit the same spot , I knew I felt something . I got out and sure enough , Spike 's bike had been run over . The thing was ruined . I felt bad , but what can you do at this point ? I went , picked up the bike , and headed to the dumpster to throw it away . While I was walking my shoe caught the wooden beam that was sticking up , and I went sprawling . I bruised my jaw , my right arm , elbow , hip , hand , and skinned my knee . My head was throbbing , and I felt quite beat up . I didn 't move , because I wasn 't sure how easily I could get up without falling again . Then I heard the hubs calling my name in a frantic voice . I didn 't mean to scare him . I answered calmly that I was alright , and told him what had happened . He then helped me up , and I assessed the damage . With my head throbbing the way it was , I didn 't feel comfortable with the thought of driving off by myself some where , so the hubs took the kids with him to a neighbors house for a bit , and I got a bath and a little bit of down time . I wonder how sore I will be in the morning . Took the kids to watch fireworks in our neighborhood tonight . Spike was enjoying his glow sticks more than the fireworks . He was waving it around in the air , saying , " My firework ! " Today I told the kids I would take them to the Children 's Garden that is near us . I told them that they needed to do their jobs , and then we would go . We could go as early as 9 : 30 if they were done . Cinderella was very gung ho and hurried through all of her jobs . The other kids however were more interested in playing than working . I kept reminding them , I gave them their job charts , but they just kept playing . Meanwhile I feed Baby his cereal , and gave him a bath . Cinderella came and asked me what we were going to do if the other kids didn 't do their jobs , because it isn 't fair if she has to miss out on the activity , because they are playing . So I go and tell Guy and Aurora that if I end up having to help them do any of their jobs that they can do for themselves , then they don 't get to play in the water at the garden . I then cleaned up breakfast , nursed Baby , got Spike dressed and helped him do is jobs , helped Aurora do her hair , and sorted and started the laundry . I think this gave Guy plenty of time to do his jobs . However when I went and found him he was laying on his unmade bed , half way dressed , and showing no signs at finishing getting dressed . So I grabbed a shirt , and helped him get it on . At this point he started throwing a fit , and telling me he wanted to do his jobs himself . I told him it was too late for that , he had missed his opportunity , and how I was going to help him so we could go . We finally made it out the door about 10 : 40ish . 15 minutes later we get to the garden only to find out that Cinderella left her flip flops at home , and is barefoot . We were supposed to meet the hubs for lunch around 12 , and I knew it would take about 30 min , to get home and back again . So we had a change of plans . Part of me wanted to bag the whole thing , however some of the kids had worked really hard this morning and deserved their reward . So we went home , got the shoes , and then joined the Hubs for lunch . After lunch I took the kids to the garden . I told the kids that any fighting , complaining or not following ruleBaby chilled in the stroller for most of it . We then wandered around from one area to the next , the kids having a blast . I however was getting worn out , and Baby was getting tired of the stroller . Baby decided he wanted to nurse , so I herded the kids to the sandbox , because there was a bench in the shade , where I could sit to feed baby . The kids played well there for a while , but finally started bugging one another . Once baby was done eating , I was tired of hearing them bicker , so I told them it was time to go . They started whining at me , and insisting they would be good . I know I should have been firm , but I didn 't want to listen to their whining for the rest of the day , so I gave in . There was only one more exhibit left anyway , and it is one of their favorites . There is a little stream , with a pond at the end , and little plastic disks in different shapes that you can sail down the stream , and have races and things . Well Guy really wanted to play , but I had told him he didn 't get to do water . So I bent the rules a little bit . I told him he could play as long as he didn 't get in the water . Cinderella asked if she could get in the water , and I told her she could only get in the water to get the disks , but I didn 't want her playing in the water . Well the kids played for a little while , and then I noticed Aurora wading through the stream . I hadn 't told her the rules , and figured I would once she got back down to the pond , where I was . Then I saw Cinderella wading in the stream as well . I felt a little put out with myself that I hadn 't been the most firm earlier , so I made sure I followed through on what I had told Cinderella , and told her she was done , because she was wading in the stream . She felt it wasn 't fair that Aurora got to keep playing , and kept telling me so , as she had to sit next to me on the bench . Well I allowed myself to get more and more annoyed as time went on . Finally I saw Aurora breaking the rules again , and I had told her this time , so I told the kids we were done . They were quite upset with me and started whining again . Guy also decided hPosted by She was my father 's mother and one of the sweetest ladies I know . She was the kind of lady who would give you the shirt off her back if she felt like you could use it more than her . She loved to serve people . She loved having her family around her . While I was growing up I remember going to her house for many a holiday . Thanksgiving dinners , Halloween Parties , Birthday Parties , Christmas , 4th of July , etc . She would often make salads , and invite everyone over . We would play games like " Pretty Bird in My Cup " , and " Meow , Kitty Meow . " I think she enjoyed interacting with the children as much as the adults . When I was young if my parents ever needed to leave us long enough that they needed someone to watch us , my memories are always of being at Grandma 's house . Grandma was so thoughtful of others . I remember one point in time one of my older cousins was living at my Grandparents house . I don 't remember if he was going to school in the evenings or working , but I do remember that she felt it so important that he have a good home cooked meal , and because he wouldn 't be there at dinner time , she always made a big meal for lunch . The times that I happened to be there at lunch time during that time period I remember big meals like roast and mashed potatoes , and spaghetti . Oh and she always served cool aid . Grandma didn 't have a lot of toys at her house . There were a few from when my dad and his siblings were younger , but not many . However , I remember always having fun . When I was probably about 8 , my mom enrolled my older sister and me in swimming lessons at the high school near my Grandma 's house . I remember a few times that Mom dropped us off at Grandma 's and then she would walk us over to swimming lessons . One of these times , I was heading into the locker room , right as someone was coming out . The door swung out so suddenly that it caught me by surprise and whacked me in the head . It hit so hard that I got a goose egg . I remember sitting in the hallway with Grandma , and she bought a can of Sprite from the soda pop machine , and put it on my head , while we waited for my sister to finish swimming lessons that day . My Grandfather passed away just over 11 years ago . After he died , Grandma just wasn 't the same anymore . She started forgetting a lot of things , and being quite absent minded . After a while she became unable to take care of herself , and moved in with my parents . I was married by this point in time , so I wasn 't living there . But I remember when I would go visit my parents , and how my Grandma loved to play with Cinderella , who was a baby at the time . Grandma always loved my kids . Even as her memory started to fade even more , she always seemed to remember the kids , and brighten up when they were around . My aunts would tell me she would point out pictures of my kids from e - mails , and tell them stories about the kids . I don 't know if she ever really got to know any of them except Cinderella and Guy though . By the time Aurora was born , Grandma was pretty much gone . It was hard to see her vibrant personality slip away , and I have to admit , that I am guilty of not going to visit her much in the last few years , especially after she moved out of my parents house into a care center . It was too hard . I wanted to remember my Grandma how she was , not just a shell . I know I will miss her , but I am glad she is now out of that body that wasn 't really working any more . I am glad she can be with my Grandpa again , and I know that if I live righteously I can see her again , and that she is part of my FOREVER family . Today at church my three older kids were asked to be reverence children . To do this they stand up front being reverent , while others come into the chapel . This is supposed to help encourage others to be reverent as well . Cinderella was having a bad attitude all morning , and then when we got to church , and I guided the kids up onto the stand , she started crying , and trying to hide . I took her out and talked to her , she told me she got afraid when she was up there , and then she was embarrassed that all those people could see her crying . Poor kid , it took a lot of coaxing to get her to even come back into the chapel . I finally got her to come in after the sacrament . This got me thinking about times that I have been embarrassed , and how we all get embarrassed some times . But over all I think it is when we swallow our pride , and try not to worry about what others think of us , that we can get over our embarrassment and live our lives the way we want to . Cinderella is quite shy , in some ways . She has a hard time reaching out to others , and wants others to reach out to her . When they don 't she feels like they don 't like her . Hmmm , sounds a lot like me . I think she is nervous for this next school year to start , because she is afraid she won 't have any friends . There is also a girl that she had a hard time with a lot last year , who is in her class this upcoming year , and I think she is really nervous about it . I wish I could help her not worry about what others think about her , but I haven 't mastered that myself yet . For for a few months Spike and Guy have been without a bed . They used to have a queen sized futon and frame , but were constantly jumping on it . I was afraid they would ruin the frame , and so we took the frame away and just left them with a mattress on the floor . The down side was that with the mattress being a futon mattress , that the boys figured out how to fold into a cave and crawl under and such . Now this was great fun for them , but also dangerous . Thus they lost the mattress as well . So for a few months they have been sleeping on the floor with blankets and pillows . The girls however had bunk beds , but lately have decided to sleep together in the same bed most nights . So the hubs had an idea that we could give them the queen sized futon , that they can share and give the bunk beds to the boys . So today we set about moving beds . When I started moving the first mattress from the girls room to the boys room , Spike saw what I was doing and got VERY excited . He followed me in , and by the time I brought the second mattress in , he had the first one arranged on the floor and was putting pillows and blankets on it . While putting the beds together , we discovered that one of the nuts had broken , I was concerned about the stability of the bed without the nut , seeing as how it was on the bottom bunk . The hubs wasn 't too concerned , but agreed to humor me , and we set up the beds as twin beds instead of bunks . Guy was disappointed that the beds weren 't bunks , but I told him he he could prove to be responsible with his bed , then maybe sometime later we can make them into bunk beds . Later in the day , after the boys had had their baths and were in there pj 's , Spike was having a melt down . The hubs decided to just leave both boys in their room , for the time being . The boys were being quite wild in there , and when the hubs went to check on them found that they had pulled all the bedding of one of the beds , as well as the mattress . He about carted off the bed there and then , but after we talked about it , we decided to talk about it with the boys and then give them another chance . We will see how they do . The hubs also took an updated picture of my garden that we are working on . He spent the day working on the irrigation for me . Isn 't he great ? This morning I took the kids to the eye doctor to pick up their new glasses . And then we went to the library . It was fun , but wearing . I came home , got them lunch , and then took a nap . Went on a date with the hubs tonight . We went for a long walk and had smoothies . It was reminiscent of when we met and our first summer together . I also got a lot done today . The kids spent a bunch of the afternoon playing quietly , and I was able to get caught up on laundry and bake some bread . My bread turned out rather flat . I need to practice more , I haven 't made bread for at least a year . But hey , I got it made . Baby doesn 't seem to be gaining much weight . He was born weighing just above 7 lbs . At 4 months he was 12 lbs , and then now at almost 6 months , he weighs still about 12 lbs . Now this last measurement is on my home scale , and the others are not , so there is a margin for error , but not by much . The thing is , he eats all the time . He still eats about every 2 hours . Sometimes he is done in 5 min . but if he is tired he will sleep eat and sometimes go for an hour . I don 't think my milk supply is lacking , because I still get engorged at times , but I am worried about what the pediatrician is going to tell me . I am afraid he is going to tell me to supplement , which will eventually lead to weaning earlier than I want . I have small kids , but usually they gain weight faster than this . The kids had a ball . Spike was climbing all over the place , with no fear . I was amazed to see him head up the ladder for the biggest slide . They claim this slide is 3 stories tall , and I can believe it . He got to the top , but then wasn 't so sure about coming down . I couldn 't go and get him , because I had Baby strapped on in a baby carrier . So I send Guy up there after him . Well when Spike was scared to go down the slide , he decided to slide down where the ladder is . I found this hilarious , because the ladder is exactly like the slides ( slope and length ) , it just has bumps along the middle to aid in climbing . He just slid down the side of it , so as to not hit the bumps . Silly boy . I took some pictures but I am having trouble getting them onto my computer today , so I will have to add them later . Being at this park reminded me of when we lived in Washington . At that point in time I just had 2 kids , and a bunch of other moms in my neighborhood would get out weekly and do play groups . Sometimes we would meet at peoples houses , but we would also go to parks , playgrounds , the zoo one time , and other fun locations for kids . Sometimes it would be places that were free , but other times it would be places that cost a little bit . The kids would run around and play , and us mom 's would get a chance to talk and visit , while watching our kids . Man , I miss that . I have tried a few times here with varying levels of success to get a group like that together , but overall I think the women here are too busy . This is kind of hard for me because I really miss the interaction with other moms . I know everyone has different needs , but for me interaction is one of my needs , and it needs to be interaction with someone other than my 5 children . The hubs often helps with this need , but he has had a bit more stuff on his plate lately , and it is hard to find time to talk . Sometimes I have mistaken the lack of this need being met as a lack of friends . But I don 't really think that is the case anymore . I have friends . Just most of my friends are in a different stage in life than I am . The friends who have children who are all school age or older don 't exactly do the play group kind of thing anymore . You might get your kids together for a play date , however the mom 's don 't usually sit around and visit while the kids play . And my friends who have children who are all preschool and baby age , don 't really have much for my older kids to do , if we were to come over . And the few friends I have who have school age , and preschool age children , just seem to be really busy . I have tried to put out a general invite to people on Facebook or such but that doesn 't get any results . I probably need to be more specific and contact certain people and say " Hey , lets get together . " But then I feel like I am being really needy and annoying . That , and it doesn 't seem like invitations are ever reversed , it seems like I am the only asking . This makes me worry that people don 't really want to do things with me , they are just to polite to say no . I know I am a worrier , and probably most people would love it if I called them up , or stopped by . But what if they don 't . What if while I am sitting there visiting with them they are silently thinking " Will she ever leave ? I 've got things I 've got to do . . . She is so annoying , I wish she wouldn 't come over , but I can 't be rude and tell her that . " Now the next two pictures are family pictures and I want opinions . Which picture do you like more , # 1 or # 2 ? I am trying to decide which one to put on our wall . # 1 Today the hubs and I went to the garden store and picked out some of the first plants for our new garden . We were able to plant a few of them tonight , but I hope to get the rest in the ground tomorrow . The garden is starting to really take shape . Aurora has been having a hard time lately . She is acting out ( hitting , pulling hair , biting , etc . ) and throwing a major fit when she doesn 't get her way . I think part of it is being 4 , but I worry that part of it comes from being the middle child and not really knowing where her place is . Towards the end of the school year when Guy and Cinderella were talking to each other about things that had happened at school Aurora would start making up things that happened at " her " school . I could tell she was trying to find a way to include her self with the older kids . However they quite often place her with the babies , and exclude her , telling her she isn 't old enough for something . I am sure this is quite frustrating for her and is at least part of what started her acting out . Lately she has a hard time leaving my side . She doesn 't like to go to primary and fights me , screaming when I leave her . She fights going to bed , hurts anyone else when they try to play with Baby . . . . . She is getting to be down right mean . Today she was getting into some toys she knew she wasn 't supposed to be playing with right then , pointed out she was doing something wrong , and then asked me if she was being a " nasty girl " . I don 't know where she is getting these ideas , and I am afraid she is starting to get pleasure out of being bad . And trying to get attention for being bad . I try not to give her lots of attention for it , but at the same time , I need to enforce consequences . Today I discovered the secret to being supermom . Focus on what go accomplish , not on what you don 't . If you look at what you are able to do you will feel amazed . If you look at all you fail to do then you feel overwhelmed . Today I cleaned one room , got laundry caught up , got all of the luggage unpacked from our trip , and picked apricots , made baby food , and apricot nectar . The company I call when I have problems with my A / C is open for business at 8 in the morning . This morning I called at 8 : 04 . They told me they could send a technician on Friday . I wanted to cry . The thought of living in a 90 degree house for 4 days was overwhelming . My house is in a major state of disarray , and I had the hardest time being motivated in this oven to do anything . This evening I received a call that they could send someone this evening , thankfully he was able to fix the A / C , and now our house is in the process of cooling down . Hopefully tomorrow I will have more motivation to get my house in order . Posted by The day to end our vacation has come . Both the hubs and I are so ready for this to be at an end , that we decided to drive the whole way in one day . We didn 't get home until midnight , and our house is still really hot , but at least we are done being in the car and we are home . I love Sunday . I love having a day of rest . Even if it means turning on " Prince of Egypt " and letting the kids watch it so that I can get a nap . Today we drove back to my father - in - laws house . The hubs ws feeling drowsy so he asked if I could drive . We switched spots , but getting back on the freeway , I didn 't see the junction I was supposed to take , and not being familiar with the route , didn 't catch it . About 1 / 2 hour later , the hubs looks up and asked if I got the junction . Me thinking I had followed all the signs so far told him yes , he then said that it looked like we were still on the freeway . I told him that 's because we were . He then looked at the map , and told me we are on the wrong road . Whoops . Thankfully there was a route we could still take without having to turn around , it just took longer . Posted by I think my children have too many toys . They get bored way to easy , and they don 't seem to know how to enjoy the simple things in life . Last night we went to watch fireworks . They were beautiful , but my children were bored . They needed to make a game out of it , which then led to fighting . When they weren 't playing their game , or fighting , they were complaining . There aren 't a lot of toys at my fath - in - laws house , but there are some . However the children are quickly bored and want to watch a movie or play a videogame . Today we ent to my sister - in - laws house , and admittedly she doesn 't have much at her house for kids . She doesn 't have much at her house at all . She os single , lives by herself and just recently moved back into her house . The people who had been renting her house trashed it , and it needs a lot of work . That is part of the reason we are visiting her . So the hubs and my father - in - law have been working on the house , and I have been trying to entertain children . It is rather stressful , because it is so hot we have the doors open , and Spike keeps trying to make a break for it , down to the busy road in front of her house . So I tried to send the kids to the backyard , they didn 't know what to do . The yard is a junglenof plants and things . I could have had fun put there for hours when I was a kid . I then took the kids to a park . They played for about 5 min . then said they were done . How can I help them develop their imagination ? Posted by We were so tired today . My father - in - law wanted to go up into the mountains where it was cooler , nit we were so tired , and didn 't want to spend yet another day in the car , so we opted not to go . Instead we spent the day watching movies and taking naps . The hubs had another on - line interview this morning , and spent the day in a daze worrying about how he did . Today we took the kids out into my father - in - law 's backyard and took some pictures , we also got a family picture . When I was packing I forgot that we were going to take pictures and didn 't pack my makeup . I also didn 't bring much to style my hair with , so I am not the most excited about how I look . Oh well , it 's all about the memories right . We had told the kids they could go swimming today . My brother - in - law found a large plastic stock tank , that he turned into a swimming pool . However it has cracked , and when trying to fill it we discovered it wouldn 't hold much water ( depth wise ) . We suggested to the kids that we could take them to a park with a splash pad instead , but they didn 't want to , they wanted to swim here . However , once getting out there , all Cinderella could manage to do was complain . Well it was a nicer long day in the car today . Yesterday at the end of the drive the check engine light came on . So this morning the hubs did some research and discovered our coolant was almost gone . So he went to an auto parts store , bought some antifreeze had them reset the light ( after checking to make sure that was really the problem . ) We then were able to finish our drive with the car functioning properly , and the a / c being much more efficient . We made it to my father - in - laws house in one piece . Now if I could just figure out how to help Spike to go to bed when we are somewhere other than home . Day 1 of vacation . Today I discovered that spending a really hot day in a car makes people feel sick and ornery . We drove for about 6 hours , and the outside temperature was aroune 100 degrees . The children were grumpy , and antsy at moments , and there were a few moments when children said they had tummy aches . Posted by |
We got home just a few days ago from our most recent trip . You might have guessed we weren 't home , there were little hints in the posts I wrote while we were away . This time Hubs had to attend training outside of Boston . We were there about twelve days . This time , we weren 't alone . Hubs ' co - worker Jason attended as well , and his girlfriend came along too . So there the four of us were . I got a lot of knitting done this trip . But we had some fun as well . We went up to Nashua , New Hampshire to go shopping one evening . And they both came with us to the karate tournament that Saturday . It was held in a hotel only about eighteen miles from our hotel , so of course we went ! That was one loooong Saturday ! It 's nice to be away from home for a while , but it 's always sweet to finally get home . I was so happy to finally sleep in my own bed . I had brought my pillow from home , so at least I had that . But I didn 't bring my body pillow . I made do with some of the many pillows that the hotel provided . I was afraid that our cat , Ozzy , would be really pissed at us when we got home . After all , I had reports from the people that we had checking on him that he was attacking them . I think he was mad that they weren 't his mommy and daddy . Ozzy was , in fact , very happy to see us ! He hasn 't left me alone since then . The first night , he came into our bedroom four separate times , meowing loudly , and woke me up . I talked to him , but he wouldn 't stop . Eventually he left the room . It 's like he was reassuring himself that we were really home . Over the last seven or so years , I have had the opportunity to travel with Hubs . His work sends him places to learn stuff , and sometimes I get to go too . The first place I got to go was just outside Portland , Oregon . We both really liked it there . The weather was beautiful ; I think it only rained once the whole three weeks we were there . Of course , it was July . On the weekends , we traveled around , visited the City of Portland on the fabulous train system they have there . We went to the famous Saturday Market on a Sunday . I got to buy lots of tie - dye . We went out to the Pacific Ocean twice , it was so much fun . The second time , we stopped on the way and went for a helicopter ride ! Hubs told me that he didn 't think I would go . That makes one thing I can cross off my bucket list . The ride was a lot of fun , and Hubs got to sit in the front with the pilot . We went out to the highest water fall in the country , Multnomah Falls . That was pretty cool too . During the days while he was at school , I was able to walk to a mall that was very lose to our hotel . I was also able to take the hotel shuttle to anywhere I wanted within a certain distance . I had heard that I had to visit a famous bookstore in Portland , but that one was too far for the shuttle . But they did have a branch close to the hotel , so I went there . It was in a plaza with other stores like Michaels Craft store . I had a ball . If we ever got the opportunity , I would love to go back there . The people were sp nice ! Traffic litterally stopped for me when I wanted to cross the street . And we are talking a four lane thorofare here , not just a regular two lane road . But they all stopped , no matter which kind of road it was . It was easier than you 'd think to get used to ! I also kept busy by crocheting an afghan for Hubs ; I had brought all the yarn with me from home . While I was crocheting , I found a fascinating event to watch on TV . Believe it or not , I got hooked on a Dominoes Tournament . I loved it ! The Jamaican team and the Mexican team were playing in the finals . It was taking place in Las Vegas . Next time maybe I 'll tell you about another trip Hubs and I have taken together ! Posted by They say that confession is good for the soul . So I have one for you today . Those who know me , know that I usually have no use for " reality " TV shows . Except for the house hunting , or home repair ones , anyway . And I do have a secret crush on Swamp People . Well , I am now an official fan of Duck Dynasty . Hubs had started watching it , so I was there once or twice when he was watching . After a while , I started getting interested . They are some really funny people . I also admit to a huge crush on Jase . I am currently plotting the demise of his wife , to be followed by the luring of him to upstate NY , where he will be captured and become my secret hidden love . I just get the biggest kick out of the whole family ! They are hysterical , and it 's been a long time since I laughed so much watching TV . Jase is adorable , I love how he enunciates his words and sentences just like his dad . And I love the color of his hair and beard . In fact , I like this show so much that now Swamp People seems kind of lame . And that is a shame , because I enjoyed that show . Oh well . The Robertson 's are much more entertaining , and that is the main reason I watch TV in the first place , to be entertained . Period . That 's right , I lost . After not playing Backgammon for nearly four years , Hubs broke it out this evening . We played , as usual , for the championship of the world . And I lost . He beat me fair and square . I 'm not sure how many games we played , but he beat the pants off me . Today I had a very strange thing happen . I was texting with a good friend ; she sent me a photo of a sweater that she wants to crochet . So we were conversing , and all of a sudden I get a text from a number that I didn 't know ! It seemed that this person knew me . He / she told me his / her daughter just told him / her that she is pregnant . I went along with it , but eventually asked who is this ? It turned out she thought she was texting with my friend , who is a friend of hers , too . Weird , huh ? Apparently , my friend sent both of us the photo of the sweater , and when she answered , it came to me . Very strange . I also spent time knitting today . I 'm excited about this sweater now . It 's really coming along . I was knitting while watching Rock of Ages on HBO , and doing laundry . I am a multi - tasker ! P . S . I have to confess , Hubs made me tell you all that he beat me . He threatened to write it himself ! But he really did beat me . I think I hate him now . He just read this , and he 's laughing . Posted by I 've been working on Sara 's sweater , and I 've gotten a lot done . I 've completed the two waist decrease rows , and after a few more rounds , I will do the increase rows . And that 's just about it . I 'm knitting all morning , and part of the afternoon . Even some into the evenings . Jason and Becky found some roller blades on clearance somewhere , and have been rolling around . We went outside and took some photos of them , but I will have to get their approval before posting any . I 'll give them points for not falling , even once ! Posted by This is my first post in two days . Truly , nothing was going on on Friday . Nothing to report , except progress on the current sweater . Which is a good thing . Yesterday , however , we drove out to Andover , Mass . to watch our son compete in a karate tournament . It dragged on forever . We had Jason and Becky with us , and I felt bad that it was so boring . This was their very first tournament to watch . When finally the Master Divisions were called , we all perked up . His being a 4th degree black belt makes him a Master now . He didn 't do breaking , but did forms and sparring . His form was excellent , but he didn 't place . His first two fights were excellent , you can see he really enjoys doing that . But during his third fight ( in a row , with only a 30 second break in between , I must add ) I saw something I hoped to never see . He got a kick straight to the jaw , and went down like a sack of potatoes . My heart stopped . As soon as he hit the floor , he got up and wanted to continue the fight . But he was swaying , and unsteady on his feet . They made him sit down , and he got examined by someone . I 'm not sure if that person had medical training , or lots of fighting experience . Either way , he recovered , and wanted to continue . The Judges stopped the fight , wouldn 't let him fight any more , and gave him first place . They gave second to the man who kicked him , but wouldn 't let that guy compete in the Grand Championships either . I have to say , no matter that your kids are all grown up , that sight can still stop a mom 's heart . He did have a whopper of a headache , and didn 't want to drive home last night . He and Julie stayed at a hotel and headed home after breakfast . I must say , that in all his years of learning karate and competing in tournaments , he has been really lucky . He broke a finger when he was an orange belt , and as a red belt , got his chest wall bruised . But he has never been seriously hurt . Knock on wood . Even though I brought my knitting with me , I never broke it out during the tournament . There were like 10 rings going all at once , and there was a lot to see . There were people there from all over the country , and even the world ! I saw teams from Texas , Pennsylvania , New Jersey , and South Carolina . There were teams in attendance from Canada , Wales , and even South Africa ! ! Amazing . It was very crowded in there , so we spent some time in the hotel lobby just hanging out until the crowd thinned down a little . As the underbelts finished , they would leave , and make more room . So the theory goes . It was still corowded when we finally went in , but we found a place to sit , against the wall , and when things got going we stood on the chairs to see better . Alot of people were doing that . All in all , Jason and Becky enjoyed themselves . They learned alot , and would like to see another tournament , maybe a little closer to home . Posted by The last couple of days , I 've been knitting a lot . This evening , I started the third skein of yarn . That 's really moving right along . Here is a photo I took , just a litle while ago . That 's quite a bit done , wouldn 't you say ? I 'm pretty pleased with myself . Let 's hope I can keep it up ! It 's another day in paradise . I worked on Sara 's sweater yesterday , got another couple of inches done . I plan on doing the same today . But today , Becky wants to re - learn how to crochet . She 'll come over and we can work together . Hey , I have exciting news . I may have talked Hubs into taking me to WEBS . Keep your fingers crossed . I told him that we could get the yarn for his sweater there . A road trip could be fun . It 'll sure beat the hell out of the nightmare that was the Bow Hunter Superstore grand opening celebration . PPPFFFTTTT . I have never let him forget that one . He owes me . And HAPPY SPRING ! ( a day late ) I have now had my required two cups of delicious chocolate truffle coffee , and I 'm ready to face my day . Yesterday , I frogged the hat that I was making to match my sweater . I had decided it was too big . So I started it again , with twenty less stitches . Here is how it looks now : And it has snowed , as many of you know . Here are a few photos of the snow . It does look pretty . I 'm very glad I don 't have to drive in it . I hear it 's supposed to change to rain , but that hasn 't started here yet . The roads look a little slushy , but the cars don 't seem to be traveling very slowly . Posted by I am very grumpy this morning . I am forced to drink my luscious chocolate truffle coffee with " white trash " powdered " creamer " and not real sugar , but Equal . All in the name of love . I wonder if it 's worth it . Hells yeah . I am also grumpy because I couldn 't sleep last night . My legs really hurt , and all I did was toss and turn until about 1 : 30 am , that 's when I got up to read for a while . And of course , just as I open my nook and wake it up , it 's power is low . So I had to find a working plug close to where I was sitting , so I could still read . I think I read until 3 or 4 , I don 't remember . Then there 's the issue with my laptop . I had it plugged in , but this morning no sooner did I fire it up and begin my perusal of facebook , than it died . Apparently there was no power in the outlet to which it was plugged , and had been plugged into since yesterday afternoon . Who knew ? So now my morning headache is rearing it 's ugly head . And I have no Advil . It will go away , it 's just a nagging thing that I don 't really want to think about . You see , every one of my medications has headache listed as a side effect . Nice , huh ? So I usually live in a pretty constant state of headache . I take some Advil in the morning , and some in the evening . That usually takes care of it . And I haven 't begun to knit yet . The Boxy sweater is still in Time Out , but Sara 's sweater , and my own are with me , as well as some last minute yarn that called to me as I was winding . Side note : Boxy may never get done . I am really pissed at the Malabrigo sock yarn . As I was re - winding it off the needles , it got so tangled that I had to cut it . THREE FRACKING TIMES . ( I 'm pretty sure it was because the knitting got twisted ) I may end up just burning that ball . It will be a fitting sacrifice to the Yarn Goddess . Posted by I had one of those yesterday . Remember that sweater I was knitting with Malabrigo sock yarn ? " Boxy " it was called . Well . There I was sitting at Karate with my good buds Kim and Jan , knitting away . I stopped to straighten out my knitting . You see , it 's very curly , and sometimes I think I may have twisted it when I joined it . I was very careful when I joined it , I laid the whole thing our and made sure it was straight before joining . Well . It turns out that it wasn 't straight . I 've been wasting my time , this whole time , knitting away on something that now needs to be completely frogged . Kim was horrified . Me , not so much . I really wasn 't in love with it anyway . But now I still have four skeins of black Malarigo sock yarn , and one called Azules . I went trolling on Ravelry , looking for sock yarn sweaters . I only got six pages . There were a couple I liked , but I am soooo not in the mood for knitting four flat pieces and sewing all those fracking seams . Then I went to Knitting Pattern Central . They also had a couple of interesting looking sweaters . But in order to see each sweater , you have to click on the name of it . As I was looking for sweaters made exclusively with sock yarn , the going was difficult to say the least . I was paying attention to the yarns called for in each pattern . I now embark on a mini - rant . WTF is with these designers ? Not a single one tells you what weight yarn they used . That 's all I want . Oh , and a large range of sizes is good too . That 's for my friend Kim , that 's her current beef . There was even one sweater that the pattern was only in ONE SIZE , and it was small . I mean , in reality , how many real adult , mature women are a fracking size small ? ? In desperation , I went back to Ravelry , and widened my search to all sweaters . I looked at sixty four pages before gving up . Even there , there were patterns written for only one size . To be fair , one was written for an XL . But still . . . . . OK , now I feel better , thank you . Well , this changes things . Now I will go back and work on Sara 's sweater again , hopefully I will be content with that . Posted by I didn 't post at all yesterday . There just wasn 't anything on my mind . Actually , there was quite a bit on my mind , but it 's become quite clear that most of it comprises Things To Not Talk About . You know that my Hubs thinks I share too much as it is . I have always felt that if someone wants to know something about you , and they have the guts to actually ask you , they deserve an honest answer . But this whole blog thing is different . It 's instigated by me , and I 'm telling you things you might or might not want to know , or even might not care about . That 's why I try to diversify my topics . Sometimes I talk about crafting projects , and sometimes I talk about my life . I like to tell you stories about my nutty family . Like , for instance , I recently found out that my Uncle John , who is my father 's older brother and is well over 80 years old , is taking a yoga class . I posted a photo of all my dad 's siblings last summer , here it is again . Uncle John is the one wearing suspenders . My brother once owned a possessed motorcycle . It was a Bultaco , and it did some very bizarre things , even when it was not being ridden . He took it to the local radio station when they had a psychic on , and she agreed that there was a spiritual being inhabiting this motorcycle . My brother is very good looking , here he is with his wife , at my daughter 's wedding . I could go on and on . But the most interesting stuff , you will never hear about . It 's just too personal to share , and that is frustrating for me . It goes against my " open door " policy . But , if anyone has any questions , any at all , shoot me a comment with your email address in it , and I will answer , if I can . There are things going on that even my closest friends don 't know . And that makes me crazy . I 'm having to learn to keep my mouth shut , even more than ever before . It 's making me stop and think before I speak . Which is harder than it sounds for someone who loves to be spontaneous . P . S . I hope my good knitting bud doesn 't read this until tonight , but I can 't keep quiet any longer . My shoeBicraftualMe Today I drove down to Fishkill to mom 's . Her new apartment should be ready soon , and she wanted some help with last minute packing stuff into boxes . Her apartment , now that 's a great story . Back at least a year or so ago , mom decided to move to a smaller apartment . She notified the office , and they let her see all the one bedrooms as they became available . She finally found one she liked . Not too many stairs outside , and the laundry room is on the same floor as she is . And it 's literally in the building across the street . They told her it would be ready at the end of October . So she made all the calls , to get everything switched over . She even had a mover lined up . The week before she was supposed to move , she was in the office for something , and asked about her apartment . They told her it was going to take longer than they expected . So she had to call and reschedule everything . Now , she isn 't fond of making these kind of phone calls . The next month , the same thing happened , the apartment wasn 't ready yet . So she got upset . The nice lady in the rental office volunteered to make all the calls for her , cancelling the whole thing . They were , at that time , expecting to have it done sometime in January . Now , here she was , all this time , living out of the boxes that had been ready to move back in October ! Here it is , now the middle of fracking March , and I believe they are finally putting the finishing touches on it . The new carpet has been laid , and the new counter tops are going to be put in . Truthfully , there had been some kind of scandal at the office , the man in charge had been stealing stuff from the complex , or something . Office and maintenance staff have been fired . So there 's not as many men available to work on it now . But the owner himself is now on site , and has personally promised my mom the best apartment money can buy . After all , she 's been waiting for nearly six months . It 's what they call a studio plus . Basically a studio with a bedroom . She 's so excited about it . The bedroom has a massive walk in closSo that 's why I didn 't get any knitting done again today . Excuse # 472 . Helping elderly mom pack to move . Posted by Well , I did it . I gathered up my courage , waited until Hubs was in a good mood , and told him I wanted the new shoes . I knew he would let me get them . But I didn 't want to order them without his prior approval . I feel I should say in my defense , that I darn well know that I don 't need his approval , but since I am not bringing any money into the house , he 's the one who will be paying the bill . It 's a courtesy , and he 's asked me to tell him when I use the credit cards , so he won 't be surprised when the bill comes . If I know I 'm going to be using one , I try to mention it to him . Now I can 't wait until they come ! As for my knitting , I haven 't knit for a couple of days . I thought I 'd give you guys a few days off , since for the next couple of weeks , all I may be talking about is knitting the two sweaters . I wouldn 't want you guys to get bored . I woke up this morning to the sound of the front door closing . It was after 8 am , so I was freaking out a little . Hubs had left for work almost two hours earlier . I threw on my house shirt , and walked out to see Hubs by the front door . I asked him if he was OK , was he just now leaving for work ? He turned around and told me that he had been at work , but got sick , and had to come home . Poor baby ! He 's gone back to bed , and I am to answer his work phone if anyone calls it . I hope he feels better soon . Posted by I watch TV quite a bit . I have taken to paying attention to the ads over the years . I have noticed that some of them have the small print at the bottom , and I get a kick out of reading them . Of course , they make me crazy too , because someone would have had to complain about the ad for the company to put the small print on . Let me tell you about a few of my " favorites " , that really make me crazy . Here 's a recent one . It 's an ad for the big cable company . A young couple is obviously moving . Their living room is full of boxes , labeled with the appropriate room to which it goes after the move . The wife asks where the cat is . A box at the front of the screen starts moving , as if the cat is inside . It 's very amusing . HOWEVER , after the first few times I saw it , I noticed that a disclaimer had been added . It read as follows : " Felix is fine . He was never in a box . We promise . " Now , what special kind of idiot doesn 't get that it was a " dramatisation " ? I mean , seriously ? It 's all pretend . . . . . This trend all started with the now infamous MacDonalds Hot Coffee lawsuit . That 's when the disclaimers began to appear . Starting with the MacDonalds " Coffee may be Hot " warning . Isn 't that kind of a Duh ? Would you buy coffee that wasn 't hot ? I sure wouldn 't . I 'm still waiting for a coffee shop to advertise that they sell " Luke Warm Coffee , It Won 't Burn You ! " Those are the ones that are currently irking me . I can 't think of any others right now . Please , feel free to comment and share any you see ! It 's all just showing that there really is a dumbing down of America . Those who know TV isn 't real will survive , and those who believe it is real will fall to the zombies . A survival of the mentally fittest , if you will . Posted by I got home late last night , so no post yesterday . Last evening , I attended my first Bar Mitzvah . It was a very interesting ceremony . The party afterwards was more for all the kids , but the adults had a great meal to eat ! The photographer did a booming business . The ladies of our Stitch n Bitch group who attended had a group photo taken , and we each have a copy . We got one for our missing comrade - in - yarn also . Much to my surprise , my son had also been invited to the Bar Mitzvah too ! Not only him , but the other karate instructors , and some of the students who are friends of the Bar Mitzvah boy , Sean . I didn 't find out that Jesse was going until about a week before the event . I don 't know why I was shocked , he 's been teaching Sean karate longer than I 've been friends with Sean 's mom ! It was a beautiful day yesterday , sunny and warm . The snow we got earlier in the week is now all gone . And again today , it 's sunny and warm . It almost gives me hope that Spring is nearly here , for real . Hopefully the snow season is over , and I sincerely hope we don 't get any Spring snow storms . I should mention that both Kim and I brought our knitting , but we didn 't get to knit , it was just too darn dark in the party room . I would like to mention one last thing . I want a new pair of my favorite shoes , Dansko clogs . I intend to discuss this Hubs and get his approval in the next few days . Here is a photo of the pair I covet : Well , we got hit with the snow storm yesterday , last night , and today . Yesterday , it wasn 't bad . It snowed pretty much all day but wasn 't sticking . But today was another story . We only got a couple , maybe three , inches . But it 's a heavy wet snow . I had to go out this morning . It was still snowing like mad at that time . It took longer than I expected to clean the snow off the Jeep . I was in 4 - wheel drive to get out of my driveway , and down my road to Rte . 9 . Rte 9 was just wet , so I turned off the 4WD . The side roads were slushy , but not too bad , I didn 't slide or slip at all . When I got to the Temple , however , I pulled into the driveway , and put the 4WD back on . It hadn 't been plowed yet . I spent most of the day in pleasant company , helping my good friend Jan set up for her son 's Bar Mitzvah . I 've never been to one before , and I 'm honored and excited to have been invited ! We re - arranged the tables a little bit , then put tablecloths on them . Then time was spent unwrapping cellophane from the candles , then setting them up for the center pieces . Jan and her son Sean put the favors at all the place settings . There were nice people there from the caterer 's and from the Temple itself , who placed all the silverware and napkins on the tables . When we were finally done , Jan took us out to lunch at the Brewery , here in Hyde Park . The food was awesome . I 'm really looking forward to this event tomorrow . I haven 't knitted at all today , I 'm ashamed to admit . But it 's not over yet . I might have time to get a few rounds in . Posted by Today , I was bored . I was knitting and making a little progress on the Boxy sweater , but it 's a boring knit . And did I mention that I 'm doing it in black ? Ultra boring . I was text messaging with my friend Kim , and it turned we both needed a break today . I had an itch to go up to Tivoli and visit Fabulous Yarns . By early afternoon , she was ready to join me , and off we went ! It was snowing pretty good by then . We got there , and the whole place was in total disarray ! It seems they are in the process of moving to a store just down the block . After we left , Kim and I went and took a look at their new space . We are both very excited , it looks like it will be a bigger , and even more awesome place ! We may have to go back after the move is finished , just to check it out . I bought another skein of Malabrigo sock yarn for my Boxy sweater . I felt the black needed to be interrupted , or I might go Kamikaze on myself . The new yarn will make a nice wide stripe of multi - shaded denimy - blue goodness in the middle of the black hole of Boxy . Woo hoo ! So I 'm home now , and back to knitting . It 's still snowing , and I 'm bored again . . . I drove to my mom 's this morning for a visit . It 's not too long of a drive , just long enough for some thinking . This morning , I was thinking about attitudes , and how , if you have a positive attitude on life , positive things tend to happen around you . Of course , the negative attitude draws negative things to you . One day , my Hubs and I separately drove the same route to the same place , at about the same time of day . When we talked about it , I remarked about how nice the drive was , I hit only minimum red lights , there were no slow pokes around me ; it was a pleasant experience . He , on the other hand , hit all the red lights , cursed out other drivers for their various vehicular offenses , and had a miserable drive . Can you guess which of us has the positive and which has the negative attitude ? HHMMM ? I can 't stress enough how much your outlook on life affects you , and everything around you ! If only I could get him to understand that . It really is all in the attitude you face the world with . Or , what you send out to the Universe , is what gets sent back to you . Usually in triplicate . Just sayin ' is all . . . . . A series of unwarranted cat attacks I am currently nursing a few injuries to my right hand . For some reason , my beloved cat Ozzy decided to attack me when he was laying on my lap . All I did was try to pick him up for a hug . He got my right hand in his mouth , and actually chewed on it . I 've got a puncture in the middle of my palm from one of his teeth . Then a little while later , I laid my hand on the arm of my chair , and he came up to it , stood on his hind legs , and attacked my hand again , batting at it with claws out . He scratched me good , that time . I swear , I didn 't deserve it . I wasn 't saying anything to him . Later on , just this evening , Ozzy was behind our chairs , howling . I was patting the back of Hubs ' chair , trying to get him to jump up on the arm of the chair , to be petted . He ran at my hand , took a nice deep bite on the back of my hand , hissed , then ran away from me . I wasn 't even harassing him ! I haven 't seen much of him this evening , since that last attack . His whole life , Ozzy has never really been a lap cat . He never liked being picked up , either . He is now almost 12 years old , and has recently taken to jumping up on our laps . You can tell by the look on his face that he 's not happy about being there , either . I asked around , and one friend who 's had a lot of experience with cats told me that sometimes when a non - lap cat gets older , they suddenly begin wanting to be on laps . It was amusing to me that he would suddenly want to be on my lap . He never stays very long , a maximum of ten minutes . And he usually he will only lay on one leg , never across both legs . I pet him , and talk to him , but if I stop , he leaves after a couple of minutes . All this makes me wonder what 's going on in his head . My hand is sore . Maybe after a day alone tomorrow , he 'll be a little nicer . I 'm going to visit my mom , and Hubs got called in to work . Hopefully , it won 't be a full day for him . I spent a long time looking through the photos on my laptop , looking for the ones of Ozzy that I know are in there . I couldn 't find any . Posted by Frustration is really setting in with this project . I 've been knitting like a mad woman , and it seems like I 'm not getting anywhere . This completely illustrates why I prefer working with heavier yarns and big hooks / needles . It just gets done that much faster , much closer to instant gratification . So I 'm not really sure what I 'm going to do about the frustration . Kim suggested switching back and forth with Sara 's sweater . I haven 't decided yet . I might just wait until I 'm on the verge of poking my own eyes out with the size 5 needle . Then maybe I 'll switch over . But right now , I 'm really sure I need more coffee . . . . Last night , before I went in to bed , I took a look outside . I turned on the outside light , unlocked the door , and opened it . It was snowing ! I was surprised . I hadn 't watched the weather channel for the forecast or anything , but it 's been so warm it never occurred to me that it might snow ! Off to bed I went , not knowing how much snow I would wake up to . I was hoping it wouldn 't be much , I had no desire to shovel the walk today . Here 's what I saw when I took another look out the front door just a little while ago : Of course , this was with maximum zoomage . But that 's all the snow there was . The roads are clear . Not that I have anywhere I have to go today . Actually , I do have to go to the supermarket at some point , we 're almost out of half and half . On another note , I realised that I never told you what the Doctor had to say about my cold hands . Apparently I get spasms in the veins or vessels in my wrists , which reduce the blood flow to my hands , and that 's why they feel cold . Also why one hand feels colder than the other one . The thing that astounds me is the change in my hands . For darn near twenty years , my hands were so sensitive to the cold , that I would start wearing gloves in September , before it got really cold , and still be wearing them through April and into May , if it didn 't get very warm . Believe me , it was better to wear gloves than to experience what happened if my hands got chilled . That happened just twice . My hands ached . I don 't mean just a little . It was so bad , I found myself sitting in my chair with my hands wrapped up in Hubs ' heating pad , turned up to HIGH . And the tears were running down my cheeks , I have never experienced an ache like that . I even went to the Doctor , who had no explanation . He had me tested for Arthritis , which was negative . But since this new spasm thing , the aching doesn 't happen any more . I find that very odd . Our bodies are strange and mysterious things , sometimes . I wonder if it could be connected to The Change ? Well , once the correct size borrowed needle was delivered , I finally got to start casting on all those stitches . After 150 , I needed to stop and make lunch , or I would 've starved to death . After lunch , I carried on . I decided to place a stitch marker every 50 stitches , and double or triple count each section before moving on to the next . I even counted all the stitches again , while doing the first row . It was K1 P1 ribbing , and the first of three rows . Only one section had the wrong stitch count , there were 51 stitches in there . When I got the end of that section , I just K2tog . And that took care of that . I knit my way through almost the whole three rows of ribbing , before going to visit Kim and Cherub at Karate late in the afternoon . By evening , my yarn holding finger started to hurt . I am not used to using sock weight yarn . By bedtime I had close to an inch of knitting done on this sweater . I started with doing the first two rows of ribbing back and forth , rather than in the round . I 'm just not comfortable joining the two ends together right away . I usually do two or three rows , then join and continue in the round . Then later I use the yarn tail from the cast on to stitch up the short seam . It works for me . Posted by |
A : If one side has one , the other side has to get one . Once launched , they cannot be recalled . When they land , they screw up everything forever . She said , " I 'll drive you over tomorrow morning , and wait in the car until you 're finished . " The next morning , she drove him to the spinster 's house and waited while he went into the house . She waited for over an hour , but her husband didn 't come out . So she blew the car horn . A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY . The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game . The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap , so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks . The lawyer persists , saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun . He explains how the game works : " I ask you a question , and if you don 't know the answer , you pay me , and visa - versa . " Again , she politely declines and tries to get some sleep . The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match , so he makes another offer : " Okay , how about this " If you don 't know the answer you pay me only $ 5 , but if I don 't know the answer , I will pay you $ 50 . " This catches the blonde 's attention and , figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays , she agrees to play the game . The lawyer asks the first question . " What 's the distance from the earth to the moon ? " The blonde doesn 't say a word , reaches in to her purse , pulls out a five - dollar bill , and hands it to the lawyer . Now , it 's the blonde 's turn . She asks the lawyer , " What goes up a hill with three legs , and comes down with four ? " The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look . He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references . He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress . Frustrated , he sends E - mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows . All to no avail . After over an hour , of searching for the answer he finally gives up . He wakes the blonde and hands her $ 50 . The blonde politely takes the $ 50 and turns away to get back to sleep . The lawyer , who is more than a little frustrated , wakes the blonde and asks , " Well , so what IS the answer ? " Again without a word , the blonde reaches into her purse , hands the lawyer $ 5 , and goes back to sleep . - Contributed by Tom Gaffney " No , I must see Natalie . " Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $ 1 , 000 per visit . Without blinking , the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $ 100 bills . The two went up to a room for an hour , whereupon the man calmly left . The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie . Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts . . . it was still $ 1 , 000 a visit . Again the old man took out the money , the two went up to the room and an hour later , he left . When he showed up the third consecutive night , no one could believe it . Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went . At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man : " No one has ever used my services three nights in a row . Where are you from ? " " Yes , I know , " said the old man . " Your father died , and I 'm your sister 's attorney . She asked me to give this $ 3 , 000 to you . " Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably . " You , attorney Leon , gave me $ 15 , 000 . And you , attorney Campos , gave me $ 10 , 000 . " The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check . He handed it to Leon . " Now then , I 'm returning $ 5 , 000 , and we 're going to decide this case solely on its merits ! " Curious , a pedestrian approached the man . " The first hearse carries my ex - wife 's lawyer , " the man explained . " My dog bit him and he died two days later . The second hearse has a lawyer who opposed me in some business litigation . He met the same fate . " The pedestrian thought for a moment , then asked , " Could I borrow your dog . ? " " Okay be me , but you 're going to have to wait your turn like these other people . " A lawyer went duck hunting for the first time in Texas . He shot and dropped a bird , but it fell into a farmer 's field on the other side of the fence . As the lawyer climbed over the fence , an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing . The Farmer replied , " Well , first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times , and so on , back and forth , until someone gives up . " The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger . He agreed to abide by the local custom . The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller . His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer 's groin and dropped him to his knees . His second kick nearly wiped the man 's nose off his face . The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer 's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up . There was a young couple very much in love . On the night before they were to be married , both were killed in an automobile accident . They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St . Peter . After a couple of weeks in heaven , the prospective groom took St . Peter aside and said , " St . Peter , my fiancee and I are very happy to be in heaven , but we miss very much the opportunity to have our wedding vows celebrated . Is it possible for people in heaven to get married ? " St . Peter looked at him and said , " I 'm sorry , I 've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married . I 'm afraid you 'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that . I can get you an appointment in two weeks from Wednesday . " This happened year after year , for ten years . Each time they reasserted their yearning to be married ; each time God put them off for another year . In the tenth year , they came before they Lord God Almighty to ask again . This time the Lord answered , " Yes , you may marry ! This Saturday at 2 : 00 p . m . We will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel . The reception will be on me ! " The wedding went off without a hitch . The bride looked beautiful . The Buddha did the flower arrangements for which Moses wove simple yet elegant baskets . Jesus prepared the fish course . All of heaven 's denizens attended , and a good time was had by all . Tragically , but perhaps inevitably , within a few weeks , the newlyweds realized that they had made a horrible mistake . They simply couldn 't stay married to one another . So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty . Groveling and frightened , they asked if they could get a divorce . The next applicant , a doctor , was asked the same question . He asked for $ 2 million . I want to give a million to my family , he explained , and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research . @ A man walks into a bar . He sees a beautiful , well - dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone . He walks up to her and says , " Hi there , how 's it going tonight ? " Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle . One sat in the window seat , the other sat in the middle seat . Just before takeoff , an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians . Again , the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone , the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it . The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight . As the plane was landing , the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened . " How long must this go on ? " he asked . " This fighting between our professions ? This hatred ? This animosity ? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes ? " A farmhand consulted a lawyer . He had long tended the late farmer 's cows , and believed they would his when the farmer died . Now the farmer 's son claimed ownership . The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer . By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says " I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week . Why do you keep calling ? " The old man was critically ill . He called his lawyer . " I want to become a lawyer , " he said . " How much for a quickie law degree ? " It was a nice day at the park by the lake . Three guys were casting their lines to catch some fish and a couple were rowing in a small boat . Two crows were cruising by , eyeing for some targets to shit on . The younger of the two crows tried to show off and dove onto those three guys . Tut , tut , tut . But it went thud , thud , hitting only two of the three . The older crow went towards the couple in the moving row boat . Tut , tut . And it went thud , hitting only one of the couples . Since this was a moving target , it didn 't seem all that bad . Then out from nowhere came this little bird , wings still wet like it was just been hatched . It dove towards those three guys . Tut , tut , tut . Thud , thud , thud . It swooped over to the row boat . Tut , tut . Thud , thud . Then a kid riding a bike came around . It flew over there . Tut . Thud . And it then rested on a tree branch . A rabbi , a Hindu , and a lawyer are in a car . They run out of gas , and are forced to stop at a farmer 's house . The farmer says that there are only 2 extra beds , and one person will have to sleep in the barn . The Hindu says , " I 'm humble , I 'll sleep in the barn , " so he goes out to the barn . In a few minutes , the farmer hears a knock on the door . It 's the Hindu and he says , " There is a cow in the barn . It 's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow . " So the rabbi says , " I 'm humble , I 'll sleep in the barn . " A few minutes later , the farmer hears another knock on the door and it 's the rabbi . He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn . So the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn . A few minutes later , there is a knock on the door . It 's the pig and the cow . The lawyer replied , " Remember that lousy real estate I bought ? Well , it caught fire , so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds . What are you doing here ? " In a recent study , the government administered weekly doses of Viagra to an equal number of doctors and lawyers . While most of the doctors achieved enhanced sexual prowess , the lawyers simply grew taller . Researchers are at a loss to explain the results . After about another 5 minutes , the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front . The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says , " I said stop it ! . " The rear tiger says , " Sorry , " and they continue . An attorney was sitting in his office late one night , when Satan appeared before him . The Devil told the lawyer , " I have a proposition for you . You can win every case you try , for the rest of your life . Your clients will adore you , your colleagues will stand in awe of you , and you will make embarrassing sums of money . All I want in exchange is your soul , your wife 's soul , your children 's souls , the souls of your parents , grandparents , and parents - in - law , and the souls of all your friends and law partners . " An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor . The doctor said , " We have 3 possible donors ; the 1st is a young , healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident , the 2nd is a middle - aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet . The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years . Which do you want ? " A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel , where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention . More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages . The terrorist leader announced that unless their demands were met , they would release one lawyer every hour . A very successful lawyer parked his brand - new Lexus in front of the office , ready to show it off to his colleagues . As he got out , a truck came along , too close to the curb , and completely tore off the driver 's door of the Lexus . The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone , dialed 911 , and it wasn 't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up . After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant , the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief . " I can 't believe how materialistic you lawyers are , " he said . " You are so focused on your possessions that you don 't notice anything else . " Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference . At the station , the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket . " How are three people going to travel on only one ticket ? " asked one of the three lawyers . " Watch and you 'll see , " answers one of the engineers . They all board the train . The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them . Shortly after the train departed , the conductor comes around collecting tickets . He knocks on the restroom door and says , " Ticket , please . " The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand . The conductor takes it and moves on . The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea . So after the conference , the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money . When they get to the station , they buy a single ticket for the return trip . To their astonishment , the engineers don 't buy a ticket at all . " How are you going to travel without a ticket , " asks one perplexed lawyer . " Watch and you 'll see , " says one of the engineers . When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby . The train departs . Shortly afterward , one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding . He knocks on the door and says , " Ticket , please . " A big - city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher . The rancher 's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed . The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull . After the rancher had signed the release and took the check , the young lawyer couldn 't resist gloating a little over his success , telling the rancher , " You are really a country hick , old man , but I put one over on you in there . I couldn 't have won the case . The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning . I didn 't have one witness to put on the stand . I bluffed you ! " A secretary , a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp . They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke . The Genie says , " I usually only grant three wishes , so I 'll give each of you just one . " " Me first ! Me first ! " says the secretary . " I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat , without a care in the world . " " Me next ! Me next ! " says the paralegal . " I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse , an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life . " " That 's perfectly all right , " replied the snake . " To be sure , it was MY fault . I didn 't mean to trip you , but I 'm blind too , and I didn 't see you coming . By the way , what kind of animal are you ? " " Well , I really don 't know , " said the bunny . " I 'm blind , and I 've never seen myself . Maybe you could examine me and find out . " And the snake replied that he didn 't know , and the bunny agreed to examine HIM , and when he was finished , the snake said , " Well , what kind of an animal am I ? " So the bunny felt the snake all over , and he replied , " You 're hard , you 're cold , you 're slimy , and you haven 't got any balls . . . You must be a lawyer . " Many years ago , a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far - away state to represent a long - term client accused of robbery . After days of trial , the case was won , the client acquitted and released . Excited about his success , the attorney telegraphed the firm : " Justice prevailed . " The senior partner replied in haste : " Appeal immediately . " A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer 's club by mistake . The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money . The gang was very happy to escape . A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner . He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store . So he asks the butcher : " How much for Engineer brain ? " A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living . " Tim , you be first , " she said . " What does your mother do all day ? " " Thank you , Amie , " said the teacher . " What about your father , Billy ? " Billy proudly stood up and announced , " My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse . " The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography . Later that day she went to Billy 's house and rang the bell . Billy 's father answered the door . The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation . An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy - looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand . He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light , slurring , " Well , it looks plastic . " Then he rolled it between his fingers , adding , " But it feels like rubber . " So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers , then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it . " Yeah , it does look like plastic and feel like rubber , has no significant smell or taste , I sure don 't know what it is . Where did you get it ? " A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates . To his dismay , there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St . Peter . To his surprise , St . Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was , and greeted him warmly . Then St . Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line , and into a comfortable chair by his desk . The lawyer said , " I don 't mind all this attention , but what makes me so special ? " The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates . After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions , ol ' St . Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station . After passing out wings , harps , halos and such , St . Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings . Only a brief flight from the welcome , Pete brings them down on the front lawn ( cloud - encrusted , natch ) of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings . This , Pete announces , is where the lawyer will be spending eternity , ( at least until the end of time . ) " Hot Dang " , the Pope says to himself , " If he 's getting a place like this , I can hardly wait to see my digs ! " . They take flight once again , and as Pete leads on , the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses . Pete indicates the third walk - up on the left as the Popes new domicile and turns to leave , wishing the pontiff his best . The Pope , in a mild state of astonishment , cries out " Hey Pete ! What 's the deal here ? You put that lawyer - feller in a beautiful estate home and I , spiritual leader of terra - firma , end up with this dive ? " Pete looks at the pontiff amusedly and replies , " Look here old fellow , this street is practically encrusted with spiritual leaders from many times and religions . We 're putting you here with them so you guys can get your dogma together . That other guy gets an estate , because he 's the first lawyer to make it up here ! ! " Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz , and after a long trial , the jury acquitted him . Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing . " Your honor , " he said , " I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine . " " Why ? " asked the judge . " He won your acquittal . What do you want to have him arrested for ? " " Well , your honor , " replied Carlson , " I didn 't have the money to pay his fee , so he went and took the car I stole . " A judge in a semi - small city was hearing a drunk - driving case and the defendant , who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence , demanded a jury trial . It was nearly 4 p . m . and getting a jury would take time , so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty . He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury . The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom . The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty . The jury went into the jury - room , the judge started getting ready to go home , and everyone waited . These two guys , George and Harry , set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean . After 37 hours in the air , George says " Harry , we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are . " Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon , and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover . George says , " I still can 't tell where we are , lets ask that guy on the ground . " So Harry yells down to the man " Hey , could you tell us where we are ? " . And the man on the ground yells back " You 're in a balloon , 100 feet up in the air . " George turns to Harry and says " That man must be a lawyer . " And Harry says " How can you tell ? " . George says " Because the advice he gave us is 100 % accurate , and totally useless . " For three years , the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn . The last time he 'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper 's daughter . Looking forward to a exciting few days , he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn then stopped short . There sat his lover with an infant on her lap ! " Helen , why didn 't you write when you learned you were pregnant ? " he cried . " I would have rushed up here , we could have gotten married , and the baby would have my name ! " Santa Claus , the tooth fairy , an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill . Who gets it ? The old drunk , of course , the other three are mythological creatures . A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone . After he had made his selection , the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it . " Here lies an honest man and a lawyer , " responded the lawyer . " Sorry , but I can 't do that , " replied the stonecutter . " In this state , it 's against the law to bury two people in the same grave . However , I could put ' Here lies an honest lawyer . ' " " But that won 't let people know who it is , " protested the lawyer . " Certainly will , " retorted the stonecutter . " People will read it and exclaim , " That 's Strange ! " At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another , " Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments ? " " Really ? " the other replied , " Why did you switch ? " " Well , for three reasons . First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful , second , the lab assistants don 't get so attached to them , and thirdly there are some things even a rat won 't do . However , sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings . " A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country , to which he retreated for several weeks of the year . Each summer , the lawyer would invite a different friend of his ( no , that 's not the punch line ) to spend a week or two up at this place , which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine . On one particular occasion , he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him . The friend , eager to get a freebee off a lawyer , agreed . Well , they had a splendid time in the country - rising early and living in the great outdoors . Early one morning , the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast . As they went around the berry patch , gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities , along came two huge Bears - a male and a female . Well , the lawyer , seeing the two bears , immediately dashed for cover . His friend , though , wasn 't so lucky , and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole . The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes , tore into town as fast has he could , and got the local backwoods sheriff . The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer . Sure enough , the two bears were still there . " He 's in THAT one ! " cried the lawyer , pointing to the male , while visions of lawsuits from his friend 's family danced in his head . He just had to save his friend . It had to happen sooner or later . Lawyer Dobbins was wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher , rolling his head in agony . Doctor Green came over to see him . " Dobbins , " he said , " What an honor . The last time I saw you was in court when you accused me of malpractice . " " I was only kidding , Doc . When you represent a client you don 't know what you 're saying . Could I be passing a kidney stone ? " " Can I read to you from the transcript of the trial ? Lawyer Dobbins : ' Why were you so sure that my client had tennis elbow ? ' Dr . Green : ' I 've treated hundreds of people with tennis elbow and I know it when I see it . ' " You said during the suit that I dispensed drugs like a drunken sailor . I 've changed my ways , Dobbins . I don 't prescribe drugs anymore . " " There are no other doctors on duty . The reason I 'm here is that after the malpractice suit the sheriff seized everything in my office . This is the only place that I can practice . " " That 's what you think , Dobbins . You had so much acid in you when you addressed the jury I knew some of it eventually had to crystallize into stones . Remember on the third day when you called me the ' Butcher of Operating Room 6 ' ? That afternoon I said to my wife , " That man is going to be in a lot of pain . ' " But in court the first question you asked me was if I had examined the patient completely . It would be negligent of me if I didn 't do it now . Do you mind getting up on the scale ? " A Russian , a Cuban , an American and a Lawyer are in a train . The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack ; pours some into a glass , drinks it , and says : " In Russia , we have the best vodka of the world , nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Russia . And we have so much of it , that we can just throw it away . . . " Saying that , he open the window and throw the rest of the bottle through it . All the others are quite impressed . The Cuban takes a pack of Havanas , takes one of them , lights it and begins to smoke it saying : In Cuba , we have the best cigars of the world : Havanas . Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigar and we have so much of them , that we can just throw them away . . . " . Saying that , he throws the pack of Havanas through the window . One more time , everybody is quite impressed . A lawyer 's dog , running about unleashed , beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast . Butcher goes to lawyer 's office and asks , " If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store , do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog 's owner ? " The lawyer answers , " Absolutely . " " Then you owe me $ 8 . 50 . Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today . " The lawyer , without a word , writes the butcher a check for $ 8 . 50 . 3 ) Once separation and disposal have been achieved , the party of the first part ( Lawyer ) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ( " New Light Bulb " ) . This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self - same document , being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction , this point also being non - negotiable . NOTE : The above described steps may be performed , at the option of the party of the first part ( Lawyer ) , by any or all persons authorized by him , the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part , also known as " Partnership . " A young lady goes to see a lawyer regarding a minor matter . After consultation , he notes the bill will be $ 100 . She gives him a crisp $ 100 dollar bill and leaves . Sitting back , the lawyer gives the bill a flick and notices that the bill was so new and crisp it had another $ 100 dollar bill stuck to it . Now he was facing the age - old ethical dilemma , should he keep it himself or split it with his partner ? A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road . Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road , he would swerve to hit him . There would be a loud " THUMP " and then he would swerve back on the road . One day , as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking . He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over . He asked the priest , " Where are you going , Father ? " " I 'm going to the church five miles down the road , " replied the priest . " No problem , Father ! I 'll give you a lift . Climb in the truck . " The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road . Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road , and instinctively he swerved to hit him . But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him , so at the last minute he swerved back to the road , narrowly missing the lawyer . However , even though he was certain he had missed the lawyer , he still heard a loud " THUMP . " Not understanding where the noise came from , he glanced in his mirrors . When he didn 't see anything , he turned to the priest and said , " I 'm sorry Father . I almost hit that lawyer . " " That 's okay my son , " replied the priest . " I got him with the door ! " Diogenes dusted off his lamp and set out once again , this time looking for an honest lawyer . After a few months of this , a friend asked him how he was doing . " Not too bad , " said Diogenes , " I still have my lamp . " A man shot her husband dead . A preacher who saw the shooting asked , " Woman , why did you shoot your husband ? " " Because he was a lawyer and an evil man . He was going to move to Anchorage ! " " Woman , " said the man of the cloth , " You cannot stop a lawyer from going to Anchorage by shooting him . " A minister died and to his chagrin found himself at the gates of Hell . The Devil greeted him , checked in his book and announced , " Yes , there is a place for you here , " and walked with the minister to his assigned place in hell . On the way , they passed a palatial suite , where the minister saw a crooked lawyer he had known , and the crooked lawyer was making love to a beautiful woman . The minister was troubled , but walked on with the devil . The devil ushered him into a tiny , cramped rocky cell . It was too much for the minister . " I admit I sinned when I was alive , but why am I sent to this cell for eternity when that crooked lawyer gets to spend eternity making love to a beautiful woman ? " " You 're a high - priced lawyer ! If I give you $ 500 , will you answer two questions for me ? " " Absolutely ! What 's the second question ? " A surgeon , an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession . The surgeon says : " Surgery IS the oldest profession . God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can 't go back further than that . " An old man was on his death bed . He wanted badly to take all his money with him . He called his priest , his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside . " Here 's $ 30 , 000 cash to be held by each you . I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me . " At the funeral , each man put an envelope in the coffin . Riding away in a limousine , the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $ 20 , 000 into the envelope because he needed $ 10 , 000 for a new baptistery . " Well , since we 're confiding in each other , " said the doctor , " I only put $ 10 , 000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $ 20 , 000 . " The lawyer was aghast . " I 'm ashamed of both of you , " he exclaimed . " I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin , it held my personal check for the full $ 30 , 000 . " A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road . The lawyer , seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up , helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask . The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer , who closed it and put it away . " Aren 't you going to have a drink yourself ? " asked the doctor . " Sure ; after the police leave , " replied the lawyer . At the height of a political corruption trial , the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness . " Isn 't it true , " he bellowed , " that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case ? " The witness stared out the window as though he hadn 't hear the question . " Isn 't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case ? " the lawyer repeated . The witness still did not respond . Finally , the judge leaned over and said , " Sir , please answer the question . " " Oh , " the startled witness said , " I thought he was talking to you . " Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch . In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead . " Damn , " he says . " I forgot to lock the office safe before we left . " His partner replies " What are you worried about ? We 're both here . " Saddam Hussein , a lawyer and a doctor were discussing whether or not they would donate , after death , their brains to science , and what sort of price they would ask for their estates , in return . The lawyer said that after his illustrious career in jurisprudence , he would ask for $ 100 , 000 . The doctor said that , having saved thousands of lives with his skill , he would demand $ 200 , 000 . Saddam insisted on at least a million dollars for his brain , because it had never been used A salesman stopped for gas at a very old general store . While he was paying for the gas and an orange soda , he spied a dusty brass pig high on a shelf . He asked the old man behind the counter if he could take a closer look at the pig , but the shop keeper said that wasn 't a good idea . The salesman pressed the issue , and finally the old man gave in and climbed a ladder to retrieve the brass pig . After dusting it off , the salesman took a liking to the object . He took a long time in convincing the old man that , no matter what , he wanted the pig . They settled on $ 20 , and the salesman drove off with the brass pig propped on the dashboard . About two miles outside of town , he looked in his rear view mirror and noticed a pig trotting down the road behind him . He thought that this was a bit amusing , until another , and still another pig joined the first . As he drove , more and more pigs joined in and followed him . The faster he went , the faster they ran . The salesman sped on at nearly a hundred miles an hour and got a bit of a lead on the throng of pigs that were in hot pursuit . He began to realize that this was what the old man was trying to warn him about . He came to a bridge over a river deep in a gorge , stopped , rolled down his window , threw the brass pig over the side , and sped off . The old man was expecting him , and already had the $ 20 bill in his hand . " I told you it was nothin ' but trouble . Want your money back ? " he asked . " No " said the salesman . " I just wanted to know if you had any brass lawyers . " The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case . He admits all these things , but argues , " Wait , I 've done some charity in my life also . " St . Peter looks in his book and says , " Yes , I see . Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy , correct ? " One day , a man is walking along the beach and comes across an odd - looking bottle . Not being one to ignore tradition , he rubs it and , much to his surprise , a genie actually appears . " For releasing me from the bottle , I will grant you three wishes , " says the genie . The man is ecstatic . " But there 's a catch , " the genie continues . " What catch ? " asks the man , eyeing the genie suspiciously . The genie replies , " For each of your wishes , every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you ask for . " " Hey , I can live with that ! No problem ! " replies the elated man . " What is your first wish ? " asks the genie . " Well , I 've always wanted a Ferrari ! " POOF ! A Ferrari appears in front of the man . " Now , every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris , " says the genie . " What is your next wish ? " " I could really use a million dollars , " replies the man , and POOF ! One million dollars appears at his feet . " Now every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer , " the genie reminds the man . " Well , that 's OK , as long as I 've got MY million , " replies the man . |
Yesterday , I was sitting in my living room , working on a quilt , when the doorbell rang . You know , when you are expecting someone to visit , you almost always know it will be them at your front door . However , when I opened the door to a stranger , my surprise must have shown on my face ( unfortunately , what I am thinking almost always registers on my face ) . Looking at the man , I took in his unkempt appearance , and I 'm sure he could see my reaction clearly . I looked then at the contents of his hands . He was holding two of the ugliest Christmas decorations I have ever laid my eyes on . To describe them : they were two sections of wood about eight inches in length , that had been cut from the kind of timbers one puts around flower beds . You know , the kind that is flat on two sides and rounded on the other two sides . A hole had been cut about an inch and a half into the center of the wood . The hole held a small candle , and the one side of the wood had a painted with tempera paint decoration . He then proceeded to tell me that he couldn 't find work , and that he was a convict and wanted to buy his children some presents and was selling those decorative candle holders for ten dollars each . While he was talking , I noticed he had a tattoo on one of his arms that said " Rattlers " . He was wearing a white tee shirt and wrinkled blue jeans . He also had one of those badges that attaches to the wearer 's clothing that stated his name and that he had a permit from the city of Bedford ( where I live ) to sell his goods . We talked about the tragedies that had taken place recently and ( I was the one who brought them up , not he ) I told him I would take both of the things he was selling , and asked him to wait right there . He was still outside the house , of course . Within a minute or so , I was back with twenty dollars and handed it to him . His response was a hearty thank you , and then he said , " ma ' am , are you sure you can afford this ? " I said , " Yes " . Then he said , " Last chance to change your mind , ma ' am . " I think he believed I really couldn 't afford it , because I was wearing my old red dress that has seen better days . I assured him that I wanted him to have it , and told him I would be praying for him and his family . He thanked me again , and said he was glad I would be praying for him . I sent him off with a " God bless you . " After he left , I had many thoughts about him , wondering about his situation . Did I do the right thing ? I don 't know . . . All I know is that perhaps I had a visit from Jesus seeking help . I couldn 't turn him away . Posted by Good morning to you , my friends and family . I am taking a break from my fictional scribblings today to wish my first - born , Carol Deanna Grey Bennett , a happy birthday . It is a big one for her since she will be turning a zero at the end of the number . I 'm not saying what number is in front , for that is for her to say if she wishes . Carol is a very busy woman , very much taken up with family and friends , doing , always doing for others . She is loving and giving , caring and beautiful . We are so blessed to have her in our lives . We will be celebrating her birthday at her and Daryl 's home this evening , with most of her family . This is a photo taken last year when our family from Alabama came in to spend Christmas with us . Teresa is my dear youngest daughter . We had a really great time then . But then , we always have great times together . Happy Birthday , Carol ! I love you ! Posted by Soon we were in the air , flying over the woods where I had been lost while looking for a safe haven . That is one place I sure was glad to be out of , but I was still very much worried about my friend , Lucy Mae . I knew that she would soon be out of a job that she hadn 't even begun working at yet . She was to begin on Monday , and it was very late Friday night . What a mess ! I couldn 't even visit her , because if I did , the security guard would see me , and know that the jig was up , that I had somehow escaped being killed by Hank and his boys . I didn 't dare go to try to warn her , but I knew someone who could . The noise inside the helicopter made it useless to try to carry on a conversation , but as soon as it landed at the hospital , I was helped off the plane and told the Looie I had an idea . " Oh , really ? Another bright idea , like investigating Hank and his boys ? " Soon , I was on a gurney , back in the emergency room , being checked over by a handsome young intern . It made it kind of nice being looked at by such a good - looking fellow . I smiled at him , and asked him how long he had been working at the hospital . He just said , " Lie still , ma ' am , I need to wheel you back to x - ray and see if you have any injury to your brain . " Uh - oh ! Not a very talkative young man , I thought to myself . Wonder what his problem is ? So , I lay still , but kept talking ; cause after all , you don 't have to move your head to talk . " So , has it been a long night for you , young man ? You seem to be in a bit of a bad mood . Anything you 'd like to share with me ? I 'm a good listener , ya know . " My friends know that I never see a stranger , and am always ready to talk to anyone I see . Then he smiled at me and said , " Sorry , ma ' am . There was a bomb went off tonight and several victims were brought in . I just finished working on some of them that made it , and it wasn 't a pretty sight . I 've been working in medicine for some time , but those were the first people I 've seen in such a condition . " " Bless your heart , honey , " I replied , not knowing what else to say . It just proves you never know what someone else is going through when you see no smiles on their faces in reply to your smile . I patted his hand in understanding . Well , he took me back to x - ray and waited while the technician did his stuff , and then brought me back out to the emergency room . Then he examined my arms and legs and told the nurse to clean the scratches and apply some ointment to them . By the time she was through , he had my x - rays and examined them . He pronounced me okay and told me I could leave . Going back out into the waiting room , I found Lieutenant Shannon , Jack , and my little Clancy . I told the Lieutenant about my idea . 8888888 " Well , you know , her son could be needing her , because of maybe a supposed accident while moving away , perhaps in his drive to the town where his wife is in prison , and he could need her help in looking after the children . Now , you know that pastors can have unsuspected entry into almost any place . What if we got Pastor Joe to go to the Kindergarten with news that her son needed her immediately , and she could leave without any suspicion that it was bogus . We could have him tell her as though it were true , and then when he got her out , we could tell her the truth . That would make it realistic enough that she would be all flustered and in a hurry to leave . Since they don 't know anything about Hank and his boys being captured , it should work . " " I believe it would , AnnieBee , I believe it would . Like I said before , I 'm glad you 're on the side of the law ! You have a sneaky way of thinking and planning . " I turned to Jack , and hugged him again . " Jack , you have got to lay low for a few days , too . We don 't want anybody that was associated with Hank and his boys asking you any questions that you don 't have an answer to . I guess maybe that will give you a chance to spend some time with your girl , Lily , eh ? I keep tryin ' to remember where I 've heard her name before . . . hmmm , it 'll come to me , I 'm sure . " Jack colored up when I mentioned Lily to him ; he blushed clear to the roots of his hair above his forehead . ' Ah , young love ' , I thought , ' there 's nothing like it . ' Turning back to the Looie , I asked if they had searched the premises of the Auto Shop and gotten the books Hank was keeping and the files in the cabinets . He replied that they had all of it in custody and the District Attorney was most likely using them as we spoke to build a case against Hank and his sons . It seems they had been using the premises as a chop shop as well as a drug operation . He and Jack had been talking about it while I was back in the emergency room . " Say , how come you knew anything about the operation to begin with ? What put you on to it ? " I wanted to know . we had planned . Jack called us when the delivery was moved up to eleven , but couldn 't when the security guard came earlier than eleven . Sorry we missed it , and you all had to go through that harrowing experience . " " Well , I 'm sure glad you all were on top of it as well as you were . It sure made me appreciate my life even more when I thought I was a goner . Now , about Lucy , can we get her out of there today sometime , since today is Saturday already . Or maybe Sunday afternoon would be better . That would certainly make more sense . Then it would be closer to the time that you would see deliveries of the drugs taking place . " I was making plans like I was the one in charge . Ha ! Miss Busybody , you just let me take care of the details . You know you can trust me to do what needs to be done . Speaking of laying low , you might want to do just that . No walking around anywhere even close to the Sunny Bright Kindergarten . You would most surely be recognized , and I 'm sure that by now , the Principal there knows about your part in the whole matter . " Well , I certainly did not want Lucy to be harmed , and I guess I needed to trust the Looie to take good care of her ; but it was going to be difficult for me to not have a hand in it . " Come on , now , AnnaBelle and Jack , let 's be going . I 'm going to take you back to the station house with me . I need to get your statements while they are still fresh in your minds . Then we can find a place that is open early for breakfast and I 'll treat you all to a meal . How about that ? Is that agreeable ? I know I could sure use some food . How about it , Clancy , old fellow ? You all must be tired after all that walking . " I must admit that all sounded good to me ! I was bone - tired and weary , but still had plans running through my head . . It was only a short ride to the station house and as we went up the steps , I could hardly place one foot in front of the other . After all I had been through , that was just about all I could do . The Looie took my elbow to help me up the steps and into the station . I felt like an old lady for the first time ever . Well , that wouldn 't last very long - all I needed was a good night 's rest . Inside , we went up to the second floor where the policemen did their actual paperwork , and it was just about deserted . Jack had picked up Clancy and was carrying him , because my little dog was just about as tired as I was . His little ears were drooping and his tongue was hanging out , so Jack stopped at the break room and got him some water to drink . There was also a stale doughnut and Jack gave that to Clancy as well . Then they came on into the Lieutenant 's office . I had taken my bathroom break at the hospital , and believe me , I had needed one . I sat down at the desk and the Looie turned on a tape machine so that I could relate everything that had happened the evening before . Then he asked me questions in order to clarify any misunderstandings that anyone could have about my experiences . Then it was Jack 's turn to tell his story . I listened in awe to his statement . It seems he had been working with an undercover policeman to whom he had been feeding information about his Uncle Hank 's operation of the chop shop and drug scheme . Hank 's boys would steal cars and bring them into the auto shop at night . Some of them they would take apart , and sell the parts ; others they would ship to Mexico without doing anything with them . Sometimes , cars in Mexico belonging to tourists would be stolen and shipped to Hank and they would have huge shipments of drugs in them . These cars would then be chopped and sent to dealers looking for those specific parts . It seems that the police had already had an idea that Hank 's auto shop was involved in these illicit operations . With Jack in a good position to find out , an undercover cop , knowing Jack had an excellent honest reputation , contacted little bit of convincing , but Jack told Hank that he needed to earn some money because he had a girl friend and wanted to impress her . Then it dawned on me as to the identity of the undercover cop ! So I asked the question . " Say ! Could it be ? Is Zeb an undercover policeman ? Is that why he seems to be everywhere , slinking around , looking like he doesn 't want to be noticed ? " Lieutenant Shannon grinned as big as a possum eating persimmons . " Why do you ask that , AnnaBelle ? Didn 't I tell you that he is always into some kind of trouble , and has to be brought into the station to be questioned ? You do have some crazy notions , doesn 't she , Jack ? Zeb is just another street person like yourself , AnnaBelle . If he were an undercover man , do you think I could tell you ? Then he wouldn 't be undercover any more , would he ? Just get that idea out of your head , my dear inquisitive lady ! " Well , I was certainly entitled to have my own ideas , and I was going to do some investigations into that one . The Lieutenant gave the statements to someone who was working late to get them printed up , and within a short time we were signing them . Then we were on our way to breakfast . We went to an all - night diner that seemed to be frequented by policemen . so I knew the food was probably like what you would find in a greasy spoon . The waitress certainly knew the Looie , from the way she smiled at him . She looked tired as she asked for our drink orders , so apparently she had been working all night . I had no sooner ordered than I said , " I think I 'll just rest my head a few minutes . " Laying my head on my arms , I immediately went to sleep and missed the next thing that happened . I had noticed when we entered the diner that it was almost empty . There was just one other customer in the place . It was just kind of a " hole in the wall " place and had one of those counters that had the round stools , so we had sat down at them . While I sat there with my head on the counter , the Looie ( who , by the way , was in plain clothes , not wearing a uniform anymore except to important functions like official funerals ) and Jack had gone to the rest room while we waited for food . I was awakened suddenly by an arm around my neck . Someone was standing behind me and had pulled me to my feet . He spoke quietly in my ear , " Okay , lady , behave yourself and nobody 's gonna get hurt . " I could feel what seemed to be the barrel of a gun pressed to the back of my head . Uh Oh ! Now , what ? In my periferal vision ( I couldn 't turn my head ) , I saw the Looie and Jack returning . It didn 't take them long to get the lay of the land , so to speak , and they saw I was in real trouble . ( Why did trouble seem to dog my steps ? ) Speaking of dogs , I looked down at Clancy , and told him to be still . I didn 't want him shot or hurt in any way . " Okay , lady , shut up if you want to get out of this alive ! " he whispered to me . Then he barked at the man behind the counter . " Give me all the money in your register and don 't make any sudden moves or the old lady here gets it in the back of the head . Everybody else sit down , and don 't be gettin ' any funny ideas about callin ' the police . " I tried to get the Looie 's attention and raised my eyebrows . I saw he was looking at me intently , trying to figure out what I was intending on doing . He slightly shook his head at me , telling me not to do anything , but I was tired of being the victim and decided that was a thing of the past . " No More " I said to myself , and elbowed the man in his gut , causing him to let go of my neck . I knew then that the Looie would have a clean shot , because I dropped and rolled away from the hoodlum . Sure enough , Lieutenant Shannon had his revolver out and within seconds had the guy on the floor . I happened to look over at the other customer who had his cell phone out and was taking my picture as I sat up . Then he ran over to me . " Hey , Lady ! That 's one of the bravest things I 've ever seen ! I 'm a reporter for the Daily News ! I need your name for my story , please ? " Oh , my goodness ! I didn 't need my picture and name plastered all over the daily newspaper ! It would put Lucy in jeopardy , before we could get the place raided . The crooks ( the security guard and Ms . Wilson ) would put two and two together and Lucy 's goose would be cooked . I looked over at the Looie , and told the reporter to please wait for just a few minutes . I ran over to the Looie and told him the guy who had just taken my picture was a reporter and wanted to run the story about my bravery . " Well , we 'll just see about that , " replied the Looie . Going over to the reporter who was on his cell phone , clicking away with the camera , the Lieutenant politely reached over and turned off the cell phone and confiscated it . " Listen , buddy , " he stated . " We have a situation here that we need to talk about . How would you like an exclusive ? If you agree to hold off on your story , I promise you a much bigger one that will sell more papers than you ever dreamed of . " " Okay , then , a television exclusive is what you will have if you will just hold off ! This little set - to here is nothing compared to what you could have , besides which , you will be saving two little old ladies ' lives if you will just wait . How about it ? " The Lieutenant was using his hundred watt persuasion on this little dude . " Well , I gotta hear more about this so - called great story before I agree . Can you tell me a little more ? Can somebody , anybody , tell me a little more ? " " Okay , this little lady right here can give you the scoop if you will promise to hold off till I get things set up for the final part of the story , " the Looie said , indicating me . " Then , if you will promise to keep out of the way , I will let you be there when we close down the operation . Is it a deal ? " " Sure , sure ! Wow ! I 'm finally going to get an exclusive ! " The young man was jumping around like a grasshopper among a bunch of live coals . Other customers were beginning to come into the diner , because the streaks of dawn were beginning to show over the rooftops . " Let 's all get out of here , " said Jack and the Lieutenant , simultaneously . The Lieutenant had cuffed the perpetrator and soon had him into the back of his unmarked car . Jack got in next to him , holding Clancy , and the reporter and I got into the front passenger side of the auto . As the Lieutenant drove , I began talking to the reporter . " What is your name , young man ? Before I begin tellin ' a story for the news , I want to know who I 'm a talkin ' to ! " " My name is John Dover , ma ' am . I think I know you ! Aren 't you the lady that helped nab a murderer several months ago ? And nearly got killed in the process ? " " Howdy , John . I 'm right pleased to meetcha ! Yep , I reckon that was me , all right . Seems like trouble jist kinda navigates itself towards me , don 't cha know ? " minded his recording me as I told the story . I looked over at the Lieutenant and lifted my eyebrows . The Looie replied that he reckoned that would be okay . The young man asked several pertinent questions , very intelligently , as I told him the story of my capture and of the chase . He looked at me admiringly , as if wondering how an old lady could outwit the criminals as I had done . Well , as I had almost done , that is . We arrived at the station house and went in . I was so very tired , I could hardly move , and it seemed every muscle in my body was screaming for relief . We had a job ahead of us , though . We had to get Lucy out of that place before it was raided and for that we needed Pastor Joe . So much had happened in the last couple of days since she had gone to work there , and now she was in danger . It was all my fault . I felt like kicking myself , but then , maybe the ordeal I had just been through had served as that self - kicking . I looked at the young man , John Dover , and saw he was talking on his " Smart Phone " a mile a minute . What was he doing ? Who was he talking to ? Oh , well , I guess he had to check in every so often . with his men . I reminded him about Lucy and getting Pastor Joe to come and get her out of the Kindergarten . He shook his head yes , and just before I drifted off to sleep , I thought I saw the Weasel in the hallway . " Hmmm , he must be in trouble again , " I thought to myself . Clancy settled himself in my lap . I must have not been asleep more than ten minutes when I awoke to the shouts from the hallway . " Hey , Lieutenant , Ya gotta see this ! " One of his men was running up the steps to his office , shouting to him . then , I saw Pastor Joe come through the hallway , looking like he had seen a ghost . He was looking in every door . When he saw me , he ran into the room . " AnnaBelle ! Are you okay ? When I saw you on television , I could hardly wait to get here . " at him as though he had two heads , I replied , " What are you talkin ' about ? What am I doin ' on TV ? What in tarnation are you sayin ' ? " Why , the way you elbowed that guy that was trying to rob the diner ! That 's what I 'm talking about ! It 's all over the early morning news . They broadcast it live from the diner , and apparently , it 's being rebroadcast every fifteen minutes in news recaps . They keep saying , ' more news to come ' . " Forgetting about my aches and pains , I jumped up from the chair where I had been resting and ran into the Looie 's office . I know my face must have been white as the proverbial sheet as I quickly made my way in . When I got in there , several of the men , including Zeb and the Looie were standing in rapt attention watching the news on the television receiver that was in his office . " Looie ! What are we going to do ? What if the security guard at the Kindergarten has seen this ? Lucy is going to be in all kinds of danger ! " " Now , now ! Don 't worry , AnnaBelle ! Everything has been taken care of . The DEA swat team is raiding the place , even as we speak . They went around to the back so they could get Lucy out quietly before they busted into the front , to catch the security guard . I 'm sure she is okay . Just a minute , something is being said to me , right now . " He put his finger up to the miniature gadget in his ear , then his face turned as white as mine had been , and the reassuring smile that had been on his face slowly disappeared as though an eraser was passing across it . " Well , it seems there has been some kind of glitch in their plans , but they assure me everything is going to be okay . They weren 't able to get Lucy out yet . But they do have the place surrounded , and are quite sure that they will get them . Now , don 't you worry , AnnieBee . Those drug enforcement guys are good ; they are real professionals , and they 'll come through for us . " I looked around for the reporter ; he had some questions to answer to and I wanted to know why he had gone against his promise . I also wanted to know how much more he had told his people at the station , if anything . Just then , I heard a familiar voice coming from the television receiver . " Good morning , folks ! This is Tanya Jane Harlow , coming to you from in front of the Sunny Bright Kindergarten . I am standing here with a SWAT team from the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency . Apparently they are preparing to raid the kindergarten . According to unnamed sources , they believe the owner to be part of a drug ring operation . Also , according to our sources , the security guard who lives and works here is a major player in this so - called drug operation . " Turning to the man in charge , she asked , " Can you tell me what you all have done so far , Lieutenant ? I was told that you were already raiding the place . What is the holdup ? What about the lady who lives in the back , Ms . Lucy Wilkins ? Wait a minute , is that the same Lucy Wilkins who is the mother of the man who ran for city commissioner ? Is she involved in the drug ring ? " on that John Dover ! Where was he ? But wait ! I couldn 't leave the television set until I knew how this was all going to play out . Why was the SWAT team waiting . . . what were they waiting for ? As we watched , we saw the bright lights from a helicopter that had just appeared on the scene . It was a news helicopter from a nearby large city network affiliate of our local television station . Apparently , the news had gone national from our little podunk station . Now what ? ? ? Just then , the door to the Kindergarten opened , and Mrs . Wilson stepped out , dressed elegantly , and Lucy stood beside her , looking bewildered about all that was going on . Lucy , however , was wearing her housecoat , and slippers , like she had just gotten out of bed minutes before . " Gentlemen ! To what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your early morning company ? Why have you surrounded my home bearing arms and wearing protective gear ? Are you looking to be attacked by little old me ? I 'm afraid I haven 't prepared breakfast yet , or I would invite you in for coffee . Now , what can I do for you ? " Mrs . Wilson was the soul of kindness to the SWAT team , but I noticed she did not welcome them inside the building . Tanya Jane stepped forward to speak to Mrs . Wilson . " Good morning to you , Mrs . Wilson . I 'm Tanya Jane Harlow , with the our local television station , WTLK , and we have been informed that your security guard is involved in a local drug operation . What can you tell us about that ? " Tanya then stuck the microphone into Mrs . Wilson 's face . " I can tell you that it is not really any of your business , young woman ! However , just for the record , I fired him last evening for insubordination . He left before his evening shift was over , and I do not like employees leaving during working hours . I will not keep anyone who shirks his duties in my employ . Right now , I have no idea where he is , and I don 't care . As for his being involved in a drug ring , that is not in my knowledge . It wouldn 't surprise me , though , since he is a former street person . As you may know , not all of them are trustworthy . I believe in giving people a chance , and if they mess up , then they are back out on the streets . Now , gentlemen , apparently you had ideas about coming in . . . do you have a search warrant ? " The SWAT team leader produced a search warrant that had apparently just been delivered to him . He handed it to Mrs . Wilson , and she stepped back , allowing him and his men into the building . I saw Lucy step to one side , as well , her eyes as big as saucers , and hugging her housecoat to her chest . The door was closed in Tanya Jane 's face and she turned to the cameras , beginning her running comments again . " Well , ladies and gentlemen , there you have it . We will wait outside the kindergarten to see what happens and to see if they carry out anything . In the meantime , we don 't have the name of the security guard in question . We are not sure exactly of the hours he is supposed to work , either . Rest assured that it won 't be long until we have that information in hand . Perhaps we can interview Ms . Wilkins when she is available . She can probably provide some news to us . Stay tuned . " Tanya Jane seemed to be out of ammunition at the moment . Turning to Lieutenant Shannon , I asked , " How did such a snafu take place ? What happened ? Why hadn 't they already gone in ? What were they waiting for ? " " Well , AnnaBee , apparently they were late getting the search warrant . They had to wake up a judge to get it signed , and he was reluctant because Mrs . Wilson is a big contributor to some of the charities he promotes . They had to do some big talking to get his approval . Now we 'll just have to wait and see if they find any evidence of drugs inside . " I began looking around again for John Dover . Of course , I didn 't find him . He was gone , but you can believe he wouldn 't get any more information from this source ! Now , with the guard missing , I was still in danger , along with Jack . The guard knew we could identify him . Gazing around the room , I saw that we were in a wait - and - see mode . The men that had gathered here were now kind of lounging around , almost all of them had a cup of coffee in their hands . It had been about fifteen minutes since any news from the SWAT team had been televised . Of course , by now , we could see bystanders had begun to show up onscreen . Tanya Jane was talking to them and getting their opinions . It didn 't matter to her whether they had anything important to say . She was very talented at getting people to respond to her questions . It was said that she could get answers from a fence post if she had enough time . Another ten minutes and the team emerged from the building , empty handed , except for a gun they had found in Mrs . Wilson 's night stand . The lady stood at the door with a smile on her face , and said , " Come back any time , fellows . If you 'll call ahead I 'll be sure to have coffee and doughnuts waiting for you . " Then she turned to the news crews and remarked , " Sorry , you all , I just have nothing for you this morning . Please take care not to trample the flowers on your way out . " Then she closed the door quietly . Tanya Jane , not being the type to give up , spoke to the leader of the SWAT team , and asked about the gun . . " had it been fired lately . . . did it have any cartridges missing . . . did she say why she had it . . . did she have a permit for it . . . " and so on . The reporter with the out of town team also had questions for them , such as , " where do you think the guard is . . . do you think she really fired him . . . do you think she is really connected to the drugs . . . why didn 't you bring the sniffing drug dogs with you . . . do you have any of them . . " All the answers were , of course , in the negative . . . no response mostly . It seemed as though there was a lot the DEA team didn 't know , and I would need to find out , somehow , if possible . Now that Lucy was aware of the problems in which she was now involved , I wondered what I could do to help her . Should I press her to get out ? I knew I needed to visit her , now that the guard had disappeared and I was free to go there . I looked again around the Looie 's office . Although it was a fairly large office , it was really crowded talk to Pastor Joe , who was still there talking with Zeb . When they saw me head toward them , they stopped talking and Zeb tipped his hat and was on his way out of the room . It made me wonder again just what he was doing there ; he was always turning up at the most unexpected times . Clancy was curled up in the corner . All the excitement had taken its toll and he was tired . Smart dog ! He was doing what I needed to be , but I was just too wound up . Ideas were running through my head a mile a minute , and I had questions that needed answers . Jack had disappeared as well . Now where did he go ? Going over to speak to Pastor Joe , I decided to ask him if he knew anything about Zeb , since he had been talking to him . " Hey , Pastor Joe , I 'm sure glad to see you . We were thinkin ' about comin ' to see you to get Lucy out of that Kindergarten place , but now it seems like we won 't be needin ' to . There is somethin ' else I 'd like to ask you , though . " " Hello , again , AnnaBee ! I 'm mighty glad to see you 're okay . Tell me about what all you 've been up to last night . I hear you 've been on a wild goose chase , but that you were the goose being chased . Is that right ? " " Well , yeah , you could say I was the Snipe in a Snipe hunt , so to speak . Bein ' chased by people with guns intendin ' to shoot me was sure an experience I wouldn 't want to happen again . But who told you about it ? " " I really don 't much like that expression ' neck of the woods ' much anymore . Anyway , I wanted to ask you about Zeb , and what you know about him . He seems like a mystery to me . He is always around , he 's very polite , but sometimes it seems as though he is following me . What can you tell me about him ? " " He 's just another street person , like yourself , I believe . I think he may have had a difficult life in earlier years . Why don 't you ask him , yourself ? I 'm sure he 'd be glad to talk to you . As for his following you , perhaps , since he seems to be living on the streets , maybe he 's just going the same way as you . I do know that he knows the Lieutenant and some of the other men stationed here , but I 'm not sure in what capacity . " " Nah , nah ! I 'm not that interested in him , to be talkin ' to him . Maybe sometime , I don 't know . Listen , do you know where Jack has gotten to ? I wonder if he is going to try to open his Uncle 's auto shop , or if it has been closed down for good . I really need to talk to that young man . " My mind was still going a mile a minute . " AnnaBelle . . . er . . . Ms . Chasteen . . I know my name is probably mud right now , but I just wanted you to know I 'm sorry about that whole snafu that took place this morning . I didn 't realize the importance of keeping that earlier story quiet , because I was sending the story of the robbery as it was happening . Then when I heard the rest of what you were involved in , I knew my boss would fire me if I didn 't get it . I just got married a little over a year ago , and I have a new baby . I can 't afford to get fired , don 't you see ? " John Dover was pleading with me to forgive him . " I see , all right ! I see you don 't have any ethics for keeping your word . Young man , if you are going to be in the news business , you need to rethink your morals ! Your thoughtlessness could have cost people their lives early this morning . The police may have lost their chance to break up a drug ring , and my good friend , Lucy , could be dead by now , just because you had to run a story . The people don 't always have a right to know , if others ' lives are in danger because of it ! " I must admit , I was boiling mad . " I believe the Lieutenant will want to have a little chat with you , too . " quite often get very emotional when I 'm angry ) , I looked again for Jack . Then I saw him over in the corner , talking on the phone . He was gesticulating and smiling . Ahhh ! Lily . . . He must be talking to his girl friend . I edged a little closer . . . not exactly eavesdropping , you understand , but I did need to know a little more about them . . like were they getting really serious about one another . I 'll see you later today . We can have lunch together at our usual place . Sure . . . . me , too . Bye . " Jack turned around and saw me sitting in a chair and inspecting my fingernails . " Boy , I didn 't realize how dirty my fingernails got while I was scrabbling around outside that cave . Just look at them ! " I held them up for him to view . Jack just smiled at me , " Curiousity killed the cat , don 't you know ? " " Well , maybe I just wanted to know how you are feelin ' right now . That was a terrible thing you went through , too , thinkin ' that I was goin ' to be killed . We have been friends for a long time , and I wasn 't sure which side you were on , either , but I just couldn 't believe you 'd shoot me . I kept hopin ' you 'd take ' em out somehow . " I got up and went over to hug him again . Jack and I went over to the Lieutenant and told him we needed to be leaving if he didn 't need us any more . " Listen , you two , you are both in very real danger until we catch that security guard . You two are the only ones that can identify him , except for Lucy and Ms . Wilson . Ms . Wilson is not talking , and I don 't really want to question Lucy right now . We have to make Mrs . Wilson think she is in the clear . I am going to assign two men to keep their eyes on you two . You won 't see them , but they will both know where you are and what you are doing . Now , why don 't you all ride back to the Mission with Pastor Joe . Don 't forget Clancy over there in the corner . Oh , yes , AnnaBelle , see if you can keep your nose clean and out of my business for awhile . " This last was said with a smile . It seems the Looie knew how difficult it was for me to mind my own business . Ha ! As if I would . I looked over at Clancy and realized he was curled up next to my pushcart . When they had found my cart near the auto shop building , they must have put it into the trunk of the squad car . I gathered my stuff and followed Jack and Pastor Joe down the stairs to the first floor , with Clancy trotting along beside me . The little fellow had more rest than I but he still didn 't seem to have all his energy back yet . I picked him up and carried him ; he looked up at me gratefully and licked my face . Poor baby ! He had been through a lot the night before as well as I had . There was little conversation as we rode back to the Mission in Pastor Joe 's old green Chevvy . We each seemed to be lost in our own thoughts . Then Joe turned to me and asked , " What in the world were you thinking to go messing around that auto shop after dark when supposedly no one else was there ? " Uh oh ! He was letting me have it with both barrels , and I had no defense . " Yeah , AnnaBee ! What were you thinkin ' ? " Jack asked from the back seat . " Do you know or have any idea how worried I was when I saw you layin ' there on the ground outside after you fell off that stupid dumpster ? I knew I couldn 't do much to protect you from my uncle and cousins . How could you ? " Well , I just puffed up self - righteously and crossed my arms defensively against the double barrage of their attack , as though they were in the wrong and I was in the right . " I had to know , is why I did it . I thought I could get inside with no one the wiser , and then when I saw the light comin ' through the bay doors , I had to know what was goin ' on . If I hadn 't forgot that I was on the dumpster , I could have gotten away . Then you would never have known I was there . " The tears began to flow from my eyes in a slow stream , and then I put my face in my hands and cried . That verbal assault from my friends after all I had gone through the night before was just too much . Clancy began licking at my face through my fingers , and Jack reached up between the front seats and patted my shoulder , apologizing , but still standing his ground that I shouldn 't have snooped around . Pastor Joe , like most men , just was not sure what to do , so he kept silent . Pretty soon , I wiped my eyes and said , " I 'm okay , and I forgive you all for jumping on me with both feet . Maybe , just maybe , I deserved it , but I would probably do it again , and be more careful the next time . " " We know , AnnieBee , we know . A tiger can 't change it 's stripes any more than you will ever change . We love you anyway . " This came from Pastor Joe . " Now , when we get to the Mission , let 's have some breakfast . WTLK 's news van waiting in the street , apparently to catch us before we went into the Mission . I told Pastor Joe to please keep driving and to go around to the back . Maybe we could avoid talking with Tanya Jane , ' cause I knew she would be the one waiting for us . That girl loved to lie in wait , like a cat waiting to spring on unsuspecting victims . Well , I intended this to be one time she missed . At least until Jack and I got some rest . Little Clancy , sitting in my lap , growled . He knew I was upset . I scooted down in my seat to get out of sight . Pastor Joe went on around the block and parked behind the Mission , and we climbed wearily out of the vehicle and went in through the back door , through the kitchen . " Ah ! " I said to myself . " We 've outsmarted that little vixen ! " We went through the kitchen into the dining room , and found ourselves face to face with her ; where she sat at one of the tables , watching the front door and surrounding areas . I knew when I saw her that it was no use . " Ah , ladies and gentlemen of our viewing audience . Here is the heroine of the day ! AnnaBelle Chasteen , come over here and tell us all about your bravery , not once , but twice , during the past twenty - four hours ! You are one of the bravest ladies I have ever interviewed . I could hardly wait to speak with you ! " " Sorry , Tanya Jane . . . it 's just too fresh in my mind and I am so very tired and hungry . I haven 't eaten since sometime yesterday and , as you said , I 've been through some traumatic experiences over the past twenty four hours . I really need to have some breakfast and rest for awhile . I 'm just not up to an interview right now . " I gave her as pitiable a look as I possibly could . " Well , while it is fresh in your mind is a good time to do the interview . I won 't keep you long . Isn 't it true that you were captured by men who then chased you through the woods as though you were an animal being hunted , and used your own little dog to find you ? Oh , is this sweet looking little dog the one ? " When she reached down to pet him , Clancy growled at her and snapped his jaws . She pulled her hand back quickly . I patted Clancy on the head and felt like kissing him . He could sense my animosity toward her , I guess . Tanya Jane backed up as though he were a snake getting ready to strike her . " Well , I guess we 'll let you get some rest right now and some breakfast , " quipped Tanya Jane . She then turned to Jack and began quizzing him . I turned back to Tanya Jane and told her to keep her questions to herself . " Jack is an honest young man who found himself in a predicament , not of his own making , and he deserves to be commended instead of castigated . Now , please leave us alone ! " Clancy barked at her , and she backed up again . " Well , folks , I guess they really do need to get their breakfast and rest . More later . This is Tanya Jane Harlow , returning you to the station . " Turning to her camera man , she turned off her microphone and said , " That 's a wrap . Let 's get out of this place . It smells in here ! " The rest of the day passed by quietly . I stayed awake as long as I could and waited until the proper time to go to sleep . Then I claimed one of the beds in the Mission shelter , with Clancy snuggled under the bed and we both slept . My sleep was littered with dreams filled with being chased through the woods and being shot down by Jack . I awakened in the middle of the night , shouting . The people around me were shushing me and telling me to either be quiet or get out . Tendering my apologies to them , I lay back down , covered up and turned over , drifting back to sleep . The next few days , I kept on the lookout for the security guard , expecting him to turn up trying to do away with me . I never saw him and was beginning to feel safe again . Although the Looie had said he was assigning someone to keep watch over me , I never saw them either . Was I losing my touch ? About the third day after I was rescued , I decided to go over to the kindergarten to visit with Lucy Mae . I was feeling pretty chipper by then , and felt the need to see my friend and ask her how the recent events had affected her , if any . I needed to see how she was doing , don 't cha know ? As I left the Mission after breakfast that morning , I saw Jack come jogging up . He was loping along at an easy pace , with the sweat dripping from his nose , wiping his face with a small hand towel . When he saw me , he slowed down and walked over to me . " Hey , AnnaBee , good morning ! Have you already had breakfast ? Why don 't you come in and sit with me if you have , so we can talk . " " Well , sure , Jack ! I reckon maybe I could drink another cup of coffee with you . We haven 't had a chance to really talk since everything that happened to us last weekend . " As we turned to go back into the Mission , I noticed a man coming down the street whose face was red as a beet , and who looked like he had been dragged through a knothole . He seemed to be limping along as though his feet were hurting . " Jack , don 't be obvious , but look at that man back there , coming toward the Mission . He looks like he 's in pain . " Jack gave me a smile and said , " He 's my shadow . I 've been doin ' my five mile run and he 's apparently a little out of shape . Poor guy . " I raised my eyebrows , leaned back a bit and looked at Jack . " So that 's what has slimmed you down lately ! I should have known or guessed somethin ' like that . I reckon I 've just been too preoccupied with other stuff to figure it out . " Looking down at Clancy , who of course was my shadow always , I said , " Come on , little feller , let 's head back indoors . " As we entered the door , we saw Zeb on his way out of the Mission . He nodded to Jack and tipped his hat to me , then went on his way down to the street . Jack said , " Why don 't you get us a seat and I 'll bring your coffee when I get my breakfast tray . I have some things I need to discuss with you . " away because I changed foster homes ; and then she moved away , too . She just moved back to our town a short time ago . I saw her one day at the supermarket . She recognized me first , and spoke to me . That was the beginning of our re - acquaintance . " to say I was floored would be an understatement . I jumped up and ran around to Jack and threw my arms around him , giving him an extra strong hug . He grinned and hugged me back . Then I went back around and sitting down again , said , " Tell me more ! Tell me about your runnin ' . When did you begin that ? And why ? " a kid that wasn 't treated right by adults and other kids . So , I quit eatin ' cookies that I didn 't need , and started runnin ' to take off some of the extra weight I was carryin ' . I 've been takin ' night classes to learn what I missed in high school . Lily has been helpin ' me with them , too . " was evident . Needless to say , I was very proud of him . And now , he was planning on getting married ? I felt like I had been putting my head in the sand , to have all that going on and not knowing about it . Maybe our Jack was just good at keeping his own counsel , so to speak . question for you , Jack . . . what about where you and Lily will live when you marry ? And what does she do for a living ? You 're not going to live on the streets , are you ? You say you 're planning to open your own motor repair shop . . . where do you plan on doing that ? " Lily lives in a house she inherited from her grandmother and since I haven 't proposed yet , I don 't know about where we would live . First she has to say ' yes ' . As for the shop I want to open , I was thinkin ' maybe about where my Uncle Hank 's shop is . I could maybe rent it for a good price since he won 't be using it for awhile . " I could see that Jack had put a lot of thought into all this . Then I had an idea . " Say , Jack - how about if we go over to the shop and check it out , see if anything has been happenin ' over there ? It 's been several days since we were last there . If you wanted any input from me on ideas , I could help you do a little plannin ' , maybe . " " Aren 't you still kinda worn out from all that happened a few nights ago , AnnaBee ? I 'll bet you 've still got sore places from all that running and scrabbling about . " Jack 's was the voice of sensibility speaking to me , but somehow , I just couldn 't seem to hear it . " Well , if you won 't go with me , I 'll just take Clancy and go myself , " I replied stubbornly . " For Lucy 's sake , I 'll stay away from her for a few more days till we get this matter resolved of the missin ' security guard . But I 'm a free agent , and I reckon I 'll jist go where I want to . I 'm not wantin ' to ' take it easy ' . I want to go look for myself . Maybe I can see some clues about where the guard might be . I might pick up on some clues the police missed when they were searchin ' around . " at me as if I had two heads . Then he shook his in disbelief . " I can 't let you do that , AnnaBee . You could be heading right back into a passel of trouble . I 've got things to do , and you just can 't be running off to get yourself killed , maybe . Wait till tomorrow afternoon and we 'll both go then . You might spend some time at the library , if you wanted something to do . I really do want you to go with me to look at the shop . You always have really good ideas on organizing stuff . " " I guess I could do some readin ' and research . Sure , that 's a good idea , Jack . I could go visit the library and check out what 's been goin ' on in the newspapers . Thanks for the ideas . I 've been kinda at loose ends the last few days . I really miss my buddy , Lucy Mae , too . Maybe I could go lookin ' for some empty cans and bottles for recycling . I 'll see ya later , Jack . " Taking my pushcart in hand , I whistled to Clancy and we were off to the out of doors . I had purpose now and I was going to do some checking on stuff . As I walked along , I noticed the air had quite a chill to it . Winter was definitely on its way . Gazing up at the sky , I saw that it had a rather leaden look to it . Uh , oh ! Those clouds were hanging low , and looked like they were filled with water . Just what we needed . . . more rain . It had rained some the night before , but had stopped sometime during the wee hours of the morning . Clancy and I headed towards the outer limits of town . I was headed towards the auto repair shop , but decided to change my course and make a detour to the Sunny Bright Kindergarten , and just kind of set up some surveillance from across the street , but out of sight . There happened to be a small park across the way , and since the children came to school around nine a . m . , I had time to observe their arrival . Theirs was a very short day , since they were so young . Finding a park bench underneath an overhanging tree , I found I could observe unseen by anyone unless they came very close to me . I put the leash on Clancy so that he would be unable to wander away , and looped it over the back of the bench where the arm of the bench came up . He would have plenty of room to move about and there was a puddle of water nearby where he could drink . There happened to be a newspaper in my cart so I pulled it out and placed it on the bench , which was still damp from the rain the night before , so that I could sit down and take up my vigil . It wasn 't very long before a limo pulled up to the front of the school and the chauffeur got out , closed his door , went around to the other side , opened the rear door for the child , taking him by the hand , walked him to the door of the school , which was immediately opened by a security guard . Handing the child over to the security guard , he shook hands with the guard and returned to the limo . Did he get something from the guard with that handshake ? As I sat there watching for the next twenty - five minutes , the process was repeated for each child that was brought . Looking around , I couldn 't see that the police still had the place being watched , like the Lieutenant had told me they would . Had they given up ? Maybe because they hadn 't found any incriminating evidence when they searched the place , they had given up . Well , not me ! I was not going to give up , especially with my good buddy , Lucy Mae Wilkins , in there , maybe in grave danger . What to do ? It looked like all the kids were probably in class for the day . I couldn 't stick around here much longer without casting suspicion ; maybe I had already been spotted . I got up , picking up the newspaper and decided to walk around through the park , seeing if I could find any cans or empty bottles . I needed to get up and move around some , anyway . Taking a path through the park , I decided to let Clancy run about , so I took him off the leash and told him to stay close by . Whoa ! He saw a squirrel and took off after him ; of course , I had to run after him and that was difficult what with pulling my cart along behind me . As you may remember , my cart is a folding one , that can be pulled along behind one , as well as being pushed in front of one . Well , what a sight we must have been , with Clancy chasing a squirrel and barking , and me running after him , shouting and pulling my cart behind me . I must have chased that little rascal for a full twenty minutes , clear to the other side of the park , near the lake . The leaves in the park were slippery from the rain the night before , and I slid down and landed near the edge of the lake . Twenty feet from the edge of the lake , something was floating in the water . It looked like it had once been human , because it seemed to be wearing clothing . Now it was just a blob of something bobbing about in the water , with arms and legs and a head . My heart began pounding like it was going to burst . I lay back , resting on my elbows , trying to catch my breath . I called Clancy over to me and fastened the leash to his collar . I needed to get the police out here , but I didn 't want to go over to the kindergarten to do so . When I had fallen , my cart had gone flying as well , so I got to my feet and walked over to where it lay , and setting it aright I looked around to see if anyone else were anywhere near . Seeing no one , I began walking hurriedly through the woods and out to the street some ways down from the kindergarten . As I hurried to the police station , a patrol car passed me in a hurry . I nearly ran all the way to the station and hurried up the steps . Clancy ran along beside me , as though it were great fun . Hurrying into the station house , I came up to the desk duty sergeant and hung onto the edge of his desk . " Why , Miss AnnieBee , what 's got you all in such a dither ? Is somebody chasin ' you through the forest again ? " he joked . " This ain 't funny , Sergeant Greene ! I jist saw a dead body a floatin ' in the lake ! I need somebody ta come ' n ' take a look . " " Aw , shah ! You 're pullin ' one of your pranks , aren 't cha ? " " Listen , you doubtin ' Thomas ! I 'm tellin ' ya true . I was jist over to the lake near the kindergarten , and there was a body floatin ' in the water about twenty feet out . Jist wait a minute , is the Looie in ? He 'll believe me ! He knows I don 't joke about dead bodies . I 'll jist go up and tell him . Come on , Clancy . We don 't have time to waste with underlin 's like Sgt . Greene , here . " With that , Clancy and I went up the stairs to Lieutenant Shannon 's office . I just left my cart where it was , next to the duty desk . The Looie was talking on the phone to someone as I came in . " Hey , AnnaBee , I hear you found a body floating in the lake . I 've already dispatched a team over there to check it out . " " Have you forgotten that I have a man looking out for you ? He saw you discovering the body and gave me a call . Thanks to you and your surveillance - oh , yeah , we know you 've been watching the kindergarten this morning - we know about the body . We 've already dispatched the coroner to the lake , along with a team of men to investigate the scene . Your shadow couldn 't stay with the body , because you were really on the move , and he had to keep you in sight . He said you move pretty fast for an old lady . " The Lieutenant was grinning when he said that last thing about me being an old lady . I just gave him a punch on the shoulder , like I was irritated by that last remark . Hmmm . Whose body was out in the water ? Was it anyone I knew ? Maybe Ms . Wilson ? Going over to one of the chairs in the Looie 's office , I sat down to rest and wait . Then I decided I needed to go to the rest room and that Clancy probably needed a drink of water , so I took him with me . Before I left the office , though , I picked up an empty styrofoam cup from the Looie 's desk , so I could get Clancy 's water in it . We came back into the office and sat down again . " Say , do ya have any coffee , Lieutenant ? I sure could use a cup of it . " Sitting back in the chair , I got to thinking . The clothes I saw on that person out in the lake looked kind of familiar to me . Where had I seen them before ? Just then , the Looie came back with my coffee and a sticky bun . That would bring my energy level back up . The ringing of the phone on his desk caught our attention and he went over to answer it . " Shannon here . Yes , who did you say it was ? Oh , my . It has been awhile since I 've heard that name . How did he die . . . can you tell ? Hmmm . Now that is strange , and what would he be doing out near the lake , anyway ? Okay , be sure and get back to me . Right , I 'll tell her . " Turning to me , he said , " Well , that was one of my men . The coroner says the body belonged to William Hankins . William was once a police detective , and his story is a sad one . In fact you know him , probably . He was one of the people who lived on the streets . They called him Wino Willie . " At that information , I sat up and I know my mouth must have dropped open in amazement . Wino Willie had once been a policeman . Who would ever have guessed ? " I suppose so . . . well , you see , one night he was on an undercover stake - out and it was the dead of winter . He hadn 't been in touch with his family for quite awhile , and their house somehow caught fire while they were asleep . His wife and children burned to death . He never recovered from the loss , and turned to drink , gradually losing interest in everything . Consequently , he lost his job as well . He was one of the best detectives we ever had . " The Looie 's story about Wino Willie brought tears to my eyes . Who would ever have thought about old Willie having been a top - notch detective ? Wonder what he was doing out there at the lake to meet a suspicious death ? As I sat there , chewing on the sticky bun , I was also chewing on an idea . Yep , that was what I was going to do , all right . I was thinking that some of the other people Willie and I knew in common would have some idea what he had been up to . Old Willie the Wino couldn 't keep his mouth shut when he was around his friends . " Looie , I sure would like to know how Willie got killed . Could ya jist give me a kind of hint ? " I began watching his face as I asked my questions . I knew when I hit on the answer , he would probably shut me off . " Did he get shot ? Or maybe strangled ? Or did he get stabbed ? Say , maybe he got clubbed over the head with a blunt object ? " " Now , AnnaBelle , I told you , I can 't divulge that information . If you 're thinking about getting involved in this investigation , you can just forget about it . You still have that guard to be concerned about . You are supposed to be keeping a low profile . " I now knew that Willie had probably been clobbered over the head , maybe with part of a tree limb , or some such thing . Had he been doing what I had done that morning . . . observing the going 's on at the kindergarten from across the street ? Brrr . . . kinda made me shudder . " Yeah , I know . I promise not to get into any more trouble , Lieutenant . I 'll be real careful and not irritate anyboy . Thank you for the sticky bun and coffee . Clancy and I need to be going now ; we 've taken up enough of your time and I know you 've got important things ta do . " The Looie gave me a strange look as if to say , ' what ? Going already without sticking around to see what more they find out at the lake ? ' but he replied , " Okay , AnnaBee , you be careful and stay out of police business . You hear me ? I mean it . I don 't want to have somebody finding your body laying out somewhere , dead ! " I just smiled sweetly at him and said , " Now , don 't you worry none . I 'm gonna be jist fine , young man . I 'm gonna be fine . " to some of Willie 's cronies . I just knew they would know something about what he was doing . I could get to them and get answers before the police would . Ha ! Say , maybe if I looked back every once in awhile , I could spot the policeman that the Looie had assigned to watch me , and I could ditch him . I hadn 't been paying enough attention to that little detail . The trouble was , it was now the middle of the day , and there were quite a few people out and about . Well , I 'd worry about that later . Right now , my mind was on finding some of Willie 's friends that he hung out with . Ah ! There was Jimmy Jake , standing on the corner , with his hat out , trying to get people to put a dollar or two in it . He had on dark glasses and carried a white tipped cane . I knew he wasn 't blind , but the average citizen didn 't know it . Walking over to Jimmy Jake , I spoke to him and asked if he had seen Willie the Wino lately . ( Yeah , I know that would be a dumb question to ask someone who is supposedly blind ! ) " Who wants ta know ? " he replied , like he didn 't know me . " I do ! I have some information that I bet you 'd like ta have , too . I know somethin ' about him that is not common knowledge . " " Say ! AnnieBee , did he tell you about what he was goin ' ta do , too ? " Wow ! I hit paydirt , right off the bat ! Jimmy Jake had known all about what Willie had been doing . Now , to get it out of him without him knowing that I didn 't know . " Ya say , he was dyin ' ? How come him ta tell ya that ? " I wanted to know . " Well , I saw him one day a few weeks ago and he was jist comin ' outta the free clinic . He 'd been hurtin ' somethin ' fierce in his belly , so he went ta find out . Doc told ' im that he had Cirrhosis of the liver and " Yeah , I know , Jimmy . Well , here is somethin ' ya didn 't know ; I found his body this mornin ' , a ' floatin ' in the lake out across the way from the kindergarten . It looked like he 'd been there for several days . Now keep this under yore hat , cause it ain 't common knowledge yet . Apparently , somebody saw him sneakin ' around and clobbered him , then dumped his body in the lake . I 'll bet they were in a hurry and tried ta weight it down , and didn 't do a good enough job of it . " " Well , he 'd been around askin ' questions of people we both know , and some we don 't know , and he must of asked the wrong people . Listen , AnnieBee , I know you think you 're a detective an ' all , but you 'd best be careful who you go around a ' talkin ' to . Sometimes you can get inta trouble a ' pokin ' your nose inta other people 's business . Seems like you nearly got yours a few days ago , didn 't cha ? " Now , I didn 't like having people like Jimmy Jake telling me to mind my business . It was okay for the Looie , but Jimmy Jake ? Please . You know how Jimmy Jake got his name ? He got the Jimmy part from his life 's profession of going around jimmying windows open and burgling houses . The Jake part was already his given name " Jacob " . Hence Jimmy Jake . Well , Heading for River Street , I knew exactly where to find some of Willie 's drinking buddies . They didn 't frequent the bars too much ; instead , they bought their gin and wine in the many grocery stores that sold it cheaper , and went to the alleyways where they wouldn 't be disturbed . They got the cheapest stuff they could find , since they were mostly homeless . The ones that weren 't lived in dumps , cause they 'd lost their families by drinking , and were living on their social security or welfare . It was a sad way of life for them . I had Clancy with me for protection ; he wouldn 't let any one try to hurt me without gnawing their leg off . Of course , he was not a very big dog , but he could do a lot of damage to anyone trying to get to me . I felt quite safe . As I walked along these back alleys , I saw lots of bottles and cans , so I picked them up as I went . Clancy saw a stray cat and tried to chase it , but I called him back . It wouldn 't do for my protector to be off running after a cat , now would it ? Every I wasn 't feeling very successful about my search for information . I left the alleyways and headed toward the street ; my feet were acknowledging the fact that they had been tramping up and down all over creation and my back was getting tired , too . Spotting a greasy spoon diner , I picked up Clancy and put him in my cart , covering him so that only his beady black eyes were showing . Taking my cart back to the rest room , I washed my hands thoroughly and then used the facilities . I then took my little buddy out of the cart and got him a drink of water in my hands . Then I put him back in and washed my hands again . I had picked up a bunch of filthy bottles and cans that afternoon . We went on back out into the diner , where I chose a spot near the back so that I could watch the people entering . I might yet see some of the people that Willie and I knew in common . Ordering a Blue Plate Special from the frowsy waitress , I sat back and rested , waiting for my food . She brought me the cup of coffee that I ordered when I sat down , and I enjoyed the fragrance . These greasy spoons might serve lousy food , but the coffee was always top notch . When the waitress brought my food to me , she handed me a folded piece of paper . Hmm . That was curious ; why would she be doing that ? Looking up at her , I lifted my eyebrows in a questioning gesture . " That fellow at the bar over there asked me to give it to you , said you would understand . " Looking down at the unfolded paper , I read it a second time . Yes , the words were the same as I had just read . " Nosey people find theirselfs in deep water . " Well , I knew one thing about him . He was uneducated . He could be any one of several ignoramuses wandering around the streets . I reckon maybe he meant business though . that meant I was stepping on somebody 's toes . Hah ! I was hot on the trail of Willie 's killers . Willie might have been a drunk , but he was basically a good man , and his death should not go unpunished . I sat there and began thinking about the various people i had talked to that day . Which one could it be that had tipped off the writer of the note ? Maybe I had actually talked to the note writer . Let me see , now . There was Eddie the Moocher who sat on the corner of River Street and Main . He seemed really interested in talking about Willie . He had a lot of questions for me about what had happened at the lake . He seemed to get more from me than i did from him . Crazy Hattie ( we call her that because she loves to pick fights with people and accuse them of trying to steal her junk ) was quite entranced by my questions . She wanted to know why I was at the lake . Of course I couldn 't really tell her . Hamlet had lots of questions about what I was doing and why . ( We call him that because he is always quoting Shakespeare - I think he must have been an English professor in his former life . ) He told me that word on the street was that one of Willie 's pals had come into a lot of money , but he couldn 't tell me any more about it . I realized that it was all tied up with the drug business and I knew that very few people living on the streets could afford to buy drugs , except those women who worked at night , plying their trade , and most of their money went to the boss they worked for . Sometimes the bosses were the ones that supplied them with drugs . Maybe those women were the ones I should be talking to . Yeah . Suddenly , I really wasn 't very hungry any more , but I knew I needed to eat something , so I went ahead and ate what I could . It might be a long evening before I go another meal . As made the notes , I could make some deductions or come to some conclusions about where the threat to me was coming from . Maybe instead of asking any more questions , I just needed to observe for a while some of the people I had been talking to . Yeah , that 's it . Observe . I had ordered a piece of meat for my meal , but decided Clancy could do it more justice than I could , so I passed it to him as he waited patiently in my cart . He looked at me gratefully , and began to chew on the meat . I could still see his beady little black eyes looking out at me , reached over into the cart and brought out my old purse so I could get my little notebook , and pencil , also I needed to pay for my dinner . Now that my job was over , I would need to really watch my pennies . It was a good feeling to have a little money in the bank , you know , but it wouldn 't last long . I always contributed to the box in the Mission when I could . Looking at the notebook , I began writing down the names of everybody I had talked to today , and what they had told me . Which of them had passed on my questions and to whom ? Perhaps , they had passed them on quite innocently , not knowing the harm they would do . This was going to take quite a bit of thinking and also conjecturing about who could be the ' leak ' to the drug dealers . Actually , it could be any one of those I had spoken to . Okay , instead of talking to the ladies of the evening , I would just do some quiet observing . All I needed was an empty doorway on River Street that wasn 't already being used by someone else . The evenings were getting rather cool by now , so I would be using my blanket tonight that I had gotten at the Goodwill place just last week , preparing for the winter . It was still early in the day ( so to speak ) , around 5 p . m . and I could still do some questioning of a few more of Willie 's friends . I could go into one of the pubs that were scattered along River Street . There was one called " Lucky Lou 's " that one of his friends had told me he used to go into once in awhile , because some of the cops still went in there after hours . Now , if I could just go in quietly and unobserved . There it was , just down the street from the diner where I had eaten the late dinner . ( Down South , we call lunch dinner , and what Yankees call dinner , we call supper ) . Just letting you know , so you don 't get confused . Walking slowly down the street , I looked around to see if anyone I had talked to earlier was still there . Actually , I was trying to determine if the fellow who had sent me the threat was anywhere around . Nobody looked suspicious to me , so I just kept strolling along , pulling my cart behind me . I had set Clancy out on the sidewalk with his leash attached and he was trotting along beside me . Bless his little heart ! behind me , and opened the door for me . I turned to look at him , questioningly . It had been awhile since that had happened . I was that surprised when I saw who it was . " Ulp . . . oh , hi , Looie . Yeah , imagine that , " I gulped out . " Well , since we 're here , let 's go on in and find us a little corner for a chat , okay ? " The Lieutenant headed for an empty booth in the back of the room , moving along beside me in a protective manner . I had a feeling I was in for it , for sure . " Er . . . ah . . . I 'm not very thirsty , but I guess I could maybe drink a root beer , if we have ta order somethin ' , " I stammered . I had begun to recover my wits , and believe me , he had really scattered them , coming up behind me that way . The Looie ordered himself a cup of coffee , and a root beer for me . Then he turned to me with a look of chagrin on his tired face . " AnnaBee , do you remember how your Billy and I used to go fishing when I could get the time off ? You would pack us a lunch and sometimes you would even go with us . But mostly , it was just Billy and me . " " Yes , I remember . He used to say you were like the son we never had , and of course , I agreed with him . We always enjoyed havin ' you come over and spend time with us . He always told me he 'd trust you with anything he had . " to me . How do you think it would make me feel if you came down here in this muck and mire and got yourself killed . You don 't normally frequent this part of town ; you don 't know the vermin that live in this place . Some of them would just as soon hit you over the head as to look at you . You can 't keep doing this kind of thing , AnnaBelle . Please , would you just leave the detecting to us ? " Well , when the Looie turned those green eyes on me , and gave me that little sermonette , I felt lower than a snake 's belly . I knew he had promised my Billy that he would look after me , and I knew I needed to get out of this part of town . I 'd just have to get my answers in a different way , if I could think of a safe one . Should I show him the threatening note I had received a little earlier ? Nah , it would just worry him more , bless his heart . " Okay , Mike . I promise I 'll leave this part of town alone . I wasn 't pickin ' up much info anyway . I did find out , though , that one of Willie 's friends had come inta a bunch of money , but I don 't know which one . Listen , I 'm goin ' ta see Lucy on Friday evenin ' and see if maybe I can get her to come out with me for awhile , and have supper with me . Do ya think that 'd be okay ? Should I kinda ask her a few questions about the school , now that she 's been there for a week ? " " That would be okay , I guess , but be careful . Listen , bring her to the Mission for supper and I 'll just casually stop by and I can ask her a few innocent questions about how she is getting along and how she likes working there and so on . Okay ? " " Right , Looie . I 'm apologizin ' right now for puttin ' you to so much worry . I promise to stay outta trouble as much as I can , okay ? And I 'll stay outta this part a ' town , too . It does kinda ' give me the creeps ta be wanderin ' around down here , don 't cha know ? " Looking around , I noticed a fellow over at the bar giving us a little more attention than I thought we deserved . He saw me observing him , and quickly turned his head to look at his watch , and as though remembering an appointment he had to keep , he got up and threw some money on the bar , and left . That fellow was quite dirty looking , with a scruffy beard , and wearing old jeans , topped by a hooded jacket like these hip - hop singers wear . He had a do - rag wrapped around his head . Could that be the fellow who had sent me the threat ? I felt my face turn several shades of grey , as I sat there thinking about the threatening note . " Okay , Annie , tell me what has happened to you . What were you just thinking about ? You 're looking kind of sick , all of a sudden . Did you eat something that didn 't agree with you while ago at that greasy spoon ? " " Uh . . . yeah . . . that could be it . . . yeah , yeah . I think maybe we need to leave , so I can get back to the Mission and rest . Maybe I could sit in Pastor Joe 's office and rest a while . " Come on , Clancy . Let 's go , little buddy . " I grabbed my cart and Clancy 's leash and stood up while the Lieutenant left some money on the booth table for the waitress . As we passed the bar , the bartender called me over and handed me a piece of paper . Uh oh ! Another threatening note ? " What was that he gave you ? " questioned the Looie . " Let me see that , please ! " Reluctantly , I handed it over to him . Opening it gently , he unfolded it carefully . " Been swiming latly ? Rember , I told ya . It kin be dedly . " he read aloud . " What is this , AnnaBelle ? What is it ? What does it mean ? " I looked at it as he held it out , but not letting me touch it again , I replied , " Well , for one thing , it means he can 't spell fer beans . Another thing , it is the mate to another note I got while I was in the greasy spoon diner . I reckon maybe I am steppin ' on somebody 's toes . " " Oh , and you weren 't going to tell me about the other note , I suppose ? Where is it ? At least I can have them both fingerprinted . Maybe the fingerprints are in the system . " I handed the other note over to him and he put them both in a a little plastic bag , then into his pocket . " Let 's get out of here ; we 're drawing attention that we don 't need , " stated the Lieutenant . " My car is over here across the street . You and Clancy get in , please , and I 'll put your cart in beside you . We need to take a little trip down to the station house . " When we got to the station , the Looie helped me out of the car and we walked up the steps and into the building . The sergeant at the desk , observing our progress , quipped , " Oh , oh . . . Lieutenant , are you bringing in Public Enemy No . One ? Has she been out running over old people with her cart ? " " Yeah , I gotta take her back here and give her a going over with a rubber hose and put her under the bright lights . She 's been giving me all kinds of back talk , " the Looie joked . At least , I hoped he was joking . Nah , I knew he was , actually . We made our way back to what I knew was the " booking section " of the station house . I had been in and out of this place enough to know something about the way it was set up . Lt . Mike Shannon took me back to a desk and took out a black ink pad , with orders to me to give him my hand , which I did . He then proceeded to take my fingerprints . " Now , you go clean your hands , Nancy Drew , and then come back in here . We have some more talking to do . " Hmmm . Maybe he was going to shine the " third degree " lights on me . Did they even do that any more ? While I was in the restroom , I used the facilities , and then washed my hands . Looking at my reflection in the mirror , I noticed that I was looking a little grungy and fluffed my hair with my fingers , and washed my face with some paper towels . When I got back to the booking area , Mike took me to one of the rooms that had the two way mirror . Oh NO ! I was in an interview room and he was going to question me ! Was he going to book me , too ? " Can I bring Clancy back here with me ? He gets nervous when he 's not with me . " " Okay , sure . Here , boy , stay with AnnaBelle . " He whistled for Clancy to come in . He indicated one of the chairs at the table and then placed a tablet and pen in front of me . He was going to take my statement ? I couldn 't believe it ! I was being interviewed like a common criminal ! Then what ? " Okay , start talking , Ms . AnnaBelle Chasteen . " He turned on a small tape recorder and said , " For the record , please state your name , then tell me everything that has happened today . Please don 't leave anything out of your statement . " I started talking , and told him everything I had done that day , and tried not to leave anything out . Was he going to arrest me for interfering in police business ? What was going to happen to me ? Posted by Blogs are so much fun ! 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Yesterday , I was sitting in my living room , working on a quilt , when the doorbell rang . You know , when you are expecting someone to visit , you almost always know it will be them at your front door . However , when I opened the door to a stranger , my surprise must have shown on my face ( unfortunately , what I am thinking almost always registers on my face ) . Looking at the man , I took in his unkempt appearance , and I 'm sure he could see my reaction clearly . I looked then at the contents of his hands . He was holding two of the ugliest Christmas decorations I have ever laid my eyes on . To describe them : they were two sections of wood about eight inches in length , that had been cut from the kind of timbers one puts around flower beds . You know , the kind that is flat on two sides and rounded on the other two sides . A hole had been cut about an inch and a half into the center of the wood . The hole held a small candle , and the one side of the wood had a painted with tempera paint decoration . He then proceeded to tell me that he couldn 't find work , and that he was a convict and wanted to buy his children some presents and was selling those decorative candle holders for ten dollars each . While he was talking , I noticed he had a tattoo on one of his arms that said " Rattlers " . He was wearing a white tee shirt and wrinkled blue jeans . He also had one of those badges that attaches to the wearer 's clothing that stated his name and that he had a permit from the city of Bedford ( where I live ) to sell his goods . We talked about the tragedies that had taken place recently and ( I was the one who brought them up , not he ) I told him I would take both of the things he was selling , and asked him to wait right there . He was still outside the house , of course . Within a minute or so , I was back with twenty dollars and handed it to him . His response was a hearty thank you , and then he said , " ma ' am , are you sure you can afford this ? " I said , " Yes " . Then he said , " Last chance to change your mind , ma ' am . " I think he believed I really couldn 't afford it , because I was wearing my old red dress that has seen better days . I assured him that I wanted him to have it , and told him I would be praying for him and his family . He thanked me again , and said he was glad I would be praying for him . I sent him off with a " God bless you . " After he left , I had many thoughts about him , wondering about his situation . Did I do the right thing ? I don 't know . . . All I know is that perhaps I had a visit from Jesus seeking help . I couldn 't turn him away . Posted by Good morning to you , my friends and family . I am taking a break from my fictional scribblings today to wish my first - born , Carol Deanna Grey Bennett , a happy birthday . It is a big one for her since she will be turning a zero at the end of the number . I 'm not saying what number is in front , for that is for her to say if she wishes . Carol is a very busy woman , very much taken up with family and friends , doing , always doing for others . She is loving and giving , caring and beautiful . We are so blessed to have her in our lives . We will be celebrating her birthday at her and Daryl 's home this evening , with most of her family . This is a photo taken last year when our family from Alabama came in to spend Christmas with us . Teresa is my dear youngest daughter . We had a really great time then . But then , we always have great times together . Happy Birthday , Carol ! I love you ! Posted by Soon we were in the air , flying over the woods where I had been lost while looking for a safe haven . That is one place I sure was glad to be out of , but I was still very much worried about my friend , Lucy Mae . I knew that she would soon be out of a job that she hadn 't even begun working at yet . She was to begin on Monday , and it was very late Friday night . What a mess ! I couldn 't even visit her , because if I did , the security guard would see me , and know that the jig was up , that I had somehow escaped being killed by Hank and his boys . I didn 't dare go to try to warn her , but I knew someone who could . The noise inside the helicopter made it useless to try to carry on a conversation , but as soon as it landed at the hospital , I was helped off the plane and told the Looie I had an idea . " Oh , really ? Another bright idea , like investigating Hank and his boys ? " Soon , I was on a gurney , back in the emergency room , being checked over by a handsome young intern . It made it kind of nice being looked at by such a good - looking fellow . I smiled at him , and asked him how long he had been working at the hospital . He just said , " Lie still , ma ' am , I need to wheel you back to x - ray and see if you have any injury to your brain . " Uh - oh ! Not a very talkative young man , I thought to myself . Wonder what his problem is ? So , I lay still , but kept talking ; cause after all , you don 't have to move your head to talk . " So , has it been a long night for you , young man ? You seem to be in a bit of a bad mood . Anything you 'd like to share with me ? I 'm a good listener , ya know . " My friends know that I never see a stranger , and am always ready to talk to anyone I see . Then he smiled at me and said , " Sorry , ma ' am . There was a bomb went off tonight and several victims were brought in . I just finished working on some of them that made it , and it wasn 't a pretty sight . I 've been working in medicine for some time , but those were the first people I 've seen in such a condition . " " Bless your heart , honey , " I replied , not knowing what else to say . It just proves you never know what someone else is going through when you see no smiles on their faces in reply to your smile . I patted his hand in understanding . Well , he took me back to x - ray and waited while the technician did his stuff , and then brought me back out to the emergency room . Then he examined my arms and legs and told the nurse to clean the scratches and apply some ointment to them . By the time she was through , he had my x - rays and examined them . He pronounced me okay and told me I could leave . Going back out into the waiting room , I found Lieutenant Shannon , Jack , and my little Clancy . I told the Lieutenant about my idea . 8888888 " Well , you know , her son could be needing her , because of maybe a supposed accident while moving away , perhaps in his drive to the town where his wife is in prison , and he could need her help in looking after the children . Now , you know that pastors can have unsuspected entry into almost any place . What if we got Pastor Joe to go to the Kindergarten with news that her son needed her immediately , and she could leave without any suspicion that it was bogus . We could have him tell her as though it were true , and then when he got her out , we could tell her the truth . That would make it realistic enough that she would be all flustered and in a hurry to leave . Since they don 't know anything about Hank and his boys being captured , it should work . " " I believe it would , AnnieBee , I believe it would . Like I said before , I 'm glad you 're on the side of the law ! You have a sneaky way of thinking and planning . " I turned to Jack , and hugged him again . " Jack , you have got to lay low for a few days , too . We don 't want anybody that was associated with Hank and his boys asking you any questions that you don 't have an answer to . I guess maybe that will give you a chance to spend some time with your girl , Lily , eh ? I keep tryin ' to remember where I 've heard her name before . . . hmmm , it 'll come to me , I 'm sure . " Jack colored up when I mentioned Lily to him ; he blushed clear to the roots of his hair above his forehead . ' Ah , young love ' , I thought , ' there 's nothing like it . ' Turning back to the Looie , I asked if they had searched the premises of the Auto Shop and gotten the books Hank was keeping and the files in the cabinets . He replied that they had all of it in custody and the District Attorney was most likely using them as we spoke to build a case against Hank and his sons . It seems they had been using the premises as a chop shop as well as a drug operation . He and Jack had been talking about it while I was back in the emergency room . " Say , how come you knew anything about the operation to begin with ? What put you on to it ? " I wanted to know . we had planned . Jack called us when the delivery was moved up to eleven , but couldn 't when the security guard came earlier than eleven . Sorry we missed it , and you all had to go through that harrowing experience . " " Well , I 'm sure glad you all were on top of it as well as you were . It sure made me appreciate my life even more when I thought I was a goner . Now , about Lucy , can we get her out of there today sometime , since today is Saturday already . Or maybe Sunday afternoon would be better . That would certainly make more sense . Then it would be closer to the time that you would see deliveries of the drugs taking place . " I was making plans like I was the one in charge . Ha ! Miss Busybody , you just let me take care of the details . You know you can trust me to do what needs to be done . Speaking of laying low , you might want to do just that . No walking around anywhere even close to the Sunny Bright Kindergarten . You would most surely be recognized , and I 'm sure that by now , the Principal there knows about your part in the whole matter . " Well , I certainly did not want Lucy to be harmed , and I guess I needed to trust the Looie to take good care of her ; but it was going to be difficult for me to not have a hand in it . " Come on , now , AnnaBelle and Jack , let 's be going . I 'm going to take you back to the station house with me . I need to get your statements while they are still fresh in your minds . Then we can find a place that is open early for breakfast and I 'll treat you all to a meal . How about that ? Is that agreeable ? I know I could sure use some food . How about it , Clancy , old fellow ? You all must be tired after all that walking . " I must admit that all sounded good to me ! I was bone - tired and weary , but still had plans running through my head . . It was only a short ride to the station house and as we went up the steps , I could hardly place one foot in front of the other . After all I had been through , that was just about all I could do . The Looie took my elbow to help me up the steps and into the station . I felt like an old lady for the first time ever . Well , that wouldn 't last very long - all I needed was a good night 's rest . Inside , we went up to the second floor where the policemen did their actual paperwork , and it was just about deserted . Jack had picked up Clancy and was carrying him , because my little dog was just about as tired as I was . His little ears were drooping and his tongue was hanging out , so Jack stopped at the break room and got him some water to drink . There was also a stale doughnut and Jack gave that to Clancy as well . Then they came on into the Lieutenant 's office . I had taken my bathroom break at the hospital , and believe me , I had needed one . I sat down at the desk and the Looie turned on a tape machine so that I could relate everything that had happened the evening before . Then he asked me questions in order to clarify any misunderstandings that anyone could have about my experiences . Then it was Jack 's turn to tell his story . I listened in awe to his statement . It seems he had been working with an undercover policeman to whom he had been feeding information about his Uncle Hank 's operation of the chop shop and drug scheme . Hank 's boys would steal cars and bring them into the auto shop at night . Some of them they would take apart , and sell the parts ; others they would ship to Mexico without doing anything with them . Sometimes , cars in Mexico belonging to tourists would be stolen and shipped to Hank and they would have huge shipments of drugs in them . These cars would then be chopped and sent to dealers looking for those specific parts . It seems that the police had already had an idea that Hank 's auto shop was involved in these illicit operations . With Jack in a good position to find out , an undercover cop , knowing Jack had an excellent honest reputation , contacted little bit of convincing , but Jack told Hank that he needed to earn some money because he had a girl friend and wanted to impress her . Then it dawned on me as to the identity of the undercover cop ! So I asked the question . " Say ! Could it be ? Is Zeb an undercover policeman ? Is that why he seems to be everywhere , slinking around , looking like he doesn 't want to be noticed ? " Lieutenant Shannon grinned as big as a possum eating persimmons . " Why do you ask that , AnnaBelle ? Didn 't I tell you that he is always into some kind of trouble , and has to be brought into the station to be questioned ? You do have some crazy notions , doesn 't she , Jack ? Zeb is just another street person like yourself , AnnaBelle . If he were an undercover man , do you think I could tell you ? Then he wouldn 't be undercover any more , would he ? Just get that idea out of your head , my dear inquisitive lady ! " Well , I was certainly entitled to have my own ideas , and I was going to do some investigations into that one . The Lieutenant gave the statements to someone who was working late to get them printed up , and within a short time we were signing them . Then we were on our way to breakfast . We went to an all - night diner that seemed to be frequented by policemen . so I knew the food was probably like what you would find in a greasy spoon . The waitress certainly knew the Looie , from the way she smiled at him . She looked tired as she asked for our drink orders , so apparently she had been working all night . I had no sooner ordered than I said , " I think I 'll just rest my head a few minutes . " Laying my head on my arms , I immediately went to sleep and missed the next thing that happened . I had noticed when we entered the diner that it was almost empty . There was just one other customer in the place . It was just kind of a " hole in the wall " place and had one of those counters that had the round stools , so we had sat down at them . While I sat there with my head on the counter , the Looie ( who , by the way , was in plain clothes , not wearing a uniform anymore except to important functions like official funerals ) and Jack had gone to the rest room while we waited for food . I was awakened suddenly by an arm around my neck . Someone was standing behind me and had pulled me to my feet . He spoke quietly in my ear , " Okay , lady , behave yourself and nobody 's gonna get hurt . " I could feel what seemed to be the barrel of a gun pressed to the back of my head . Uh Oh ! Now , what ? In my periferal vision ( I couldn 't turn my head ) , I saw the Looie and Jack returning . It didn 't take them long to get the lay of the land , so to speak , and they saw I was in real trouble . ( Why did trouble seem to dog my steps ? ) Speaking of dogs , I looked down at Clancy , and told him to be still . I didn 't want him shot or hurt in any way . " Okay , lady , shut up if you want to get out of this alive ! " he whispered to me . Then he barked at the man behind the counter . " Give me all the money in your register and don 't make any sudden moves or the old lady here gets it in the back of the head . Everybody else sit down , and don 't be gettin ' any funny ideas about callin ' the police . " I tried to get the Looie 's attention and raised my eyebrows . I saw he was looking at me intently , trying to figure out what I was intending on doing . He slightly shook his head at me , telling me not to do anything , but I was tired of being the victim and decided that was a thing of the past . " No More " I said to myself , and elbowed the man in his gut , causing him to let go of my neck . I knew then that the Looie would have a clean shot , because I dropped and rolled away from the hoodlum . Sure enough , Lieutenant Shannon had his revolver out and within seconds had the guy on the floor . I happened to look over at the other customer who had his cell phone out and was taking my picture as I sat up . Then he ran over to me . " Hey , Lady ! That 's one of the bravest things I 've ever seen ! I 'm a reporter for the Daily News ! I need your name for my story , please ? " Oh , my goodness ! I didn 't need my picture and name plastered all over the daily newspaper ! It would put Lucy in jeopardy , before we could get the place raided . The crooks ( the security guard and Ms . Wilson ) would put two and two together and Lucy 's goose would be cooked . I looked over at the Looie , and told the reporter to please wait for just a few minutes . I ran over to the Looie and told him the guy who had just taken my picture was a reporter and wanted to run the story about my bravery . " Well , we 'll just see about that , " replied the Looie . Going over to the reporter who was on his cell phone , clicking away with the camera , the Lieutenant politely reached over and turned off the cell phone and confiscated it . " Listen , buddy , " he stated . " We have a situation here that we need to talk about . How would you like an exclusive ? If you agree to hold off on your story , I promise you a much bigger one that will sell more papers than you ever dreamed of . " " Okay , then , a television exclusive is what you will have if you will just hold off ! This little set - to here is nothing compared to what you could have , besides which , you will be saving two little old ladies ' lives if you will just wait . How about it ? " The Lieutenant was using his hundred watt persuasion on this little dude . " Well , I gotta hear more about this so - called great story before I agree . Can you tell me a little more ? Can somebody , anybody , tell me a little more ? " " Okay , this little lady right here can give you the scoop if you will promise to hold off till I get things set up for the final part of the story , " the Looie said , indicating me . " Then , if you will promise to keep out of the way , I will let you be there when we close down the operation . Is it a deal ? " " Sure , sure ! Wow ! I 'm finally going to get an exclusive ! " The young man was jumping around like a grasshopper among a bunch of live coals . Other customers were beginning to come into the diner , because the streaks of dawn were beginning to show over the rooftops . " Let 's all get out of here , " said Jack and the Lieutenant , simultaneously . The Lieutenant had cuffed the perpetrator and soon had him into the back of his unmarked car . Jack got in next to him , holding Clancy , and the reporter and I got into the front passenger side of the auto . As the Lieutenant drove , I began talking to the reporter . " What is your name , young man ? Before I begin tellin ' a story for the news , I want to know who I 'm a talkin ' to ! " " My name is John Dover , ma ' am . I think I know you ! Aren 't you the lady that helped nab a murderer several months ago ? And nearly got killed in the process ? " " Howdy , John . I 'm right pleased to meetcha ! Yep , I reckon that was me , all right . Seems like trouble jist kinda navigates itself towards me , don 't cha know ? " minded his recording me as I told the story . I looked over at the Lieutenant and lifted my eyebrows . The Looie replied that he reckoned that would be okay . The young man asked several pertinent questions , very intelligently , as I told him the story of my capture and of the chase . He looked at me admiringly , as if wondering how an old lady could outwit the criminals as I had done . Well , as I had almost done , that is . We arrived at the station house and went in . I was so very tired , I could hardly move , and it seemed every muscle in my body was screaming for relief . We had a job ahead of us , though . We had to get Lucy out of that place before it was raided and for that we needed Pastor Joe . So much had happened in the last couple of days since she had gone to work there , and now she was in danger . It was all my fault . I felt like kicking myself , but then , maybe the ordeal I had just been through had served as that self - kicking . I looked at the young man , John Dover , and saw he was talking on his " Smart Phone " a mile a minute . What was he doing ? Who was he talking to ? Oh , well , I guess he had to check in every so often . with his men . I reminded him about Lucy and getting Pastor Joe to come and get her out of the Kindergarten . He shook his head yes , and just before I drifted off to sleep , I thought I saw the Weasel in the hallway . " Hmmm , he must be in trouble again , " I thought to myself . Clancy settled himself in my lap . I must have not been asleep more than ten minutes when I awoke to the shouts from the hallway . " Hey , Lieutenant , Ya gotta see this ! " One of his men was running up the steps to his office , shouting to him . then , I saw Pastor Joe come through the hallway , looking like he had seen a ghost . He was looking in every door . When he saw me , he ran into the room . " AnnaBelle ! Are you okay ? When I saw you on television , I could hardly wait to get here . " at him as though he had two heads , I replied , " What are you talkin ' about ? What am I doin ' on TV ? What in tarnation are you sayin ' ? " Why , the way you elbowed that guy that was trying to rob the diner ! That 's what I 'm talking about ! It 's all over the early morning news . They broadcast it live from the diner , and apparently , it 's being rebroadcast every fifteen minutes in news recaps . They keep saying , ' more news to come ' . " Forgetting about my aches and pains , I jumped up from the chair where I had been resting and ran into the Looie 's office . I know my face must have been white as the proverbial sheet as I quickly made my way in . When I got in there , several of the men , including Zeb and the Looie were standing in rapt attention watching the news on the television receiver that was in his office . " Looie ! What are we going to do ? What if the security guard at the Kindergarten has seen this ? Lucy is going to be in all kinds of danger ! " " Now , now ! Don 't worry , AnnaBelle ! Everything has been taken care of . The DEA swat team is raiding the place , even as we speak . They went around to the back so they could get Lucy out quietly before they busted into the front , to catch the security guard . I 'm sure she is okay . Just a minute , something is being said to me , right now . " He put his finger up to the miniature gadget in his ear , then his face turned as white as mine had been , and the reassuring smile that had been on his face slowly disappeared as though an eraser was passing across it . " Well , it seems there has been some kind of glitch in their plans , but they assure me everything is going to be okay . They weren 't able to get Lucy out yet . But they do have the place surrounded , and are quite sure that they will get them . Now , don 't you worry , AnnieBee . Those drug enforcement guys are good ; they are real professionals , and they 'll come through for us . " I looked around for the reporter ; he had some questions to answer to and I wanted to know why he had gone against his promise . I also wanted to know how much more he had told his people at the station , if anything . Just then , I heard a familiar voice coming from the television receiver . " Good morning , folks ! This is Tanya Jane Harlow , coming to you from in front of the Sunny Bright Kindergarten . I am standing here with a SWAT team from the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency . Apparently they are preparing to raid the kindergarten . According to unnamed sources , they believe the owner to be part of a drug ring operation . Also , according to our sources , the security guard who lives and works here is a major player in this so - called drug operation . " Turning to the man in charge , she asked , " Can you tell me what you all have done so far , Lieutenant ? I was told that you were already raiding the place . What is the holdup ? What about the lady who lives in the back , Ms . Lucy Wilkins ? Wait a minute , is that the same Lucy Wilkins who is the mother of the man who ran for city commissioner ? Is she involved in the drug ring ? " on that John Dover ! Where was he ? But wait ! I couldn 't leave the television set until I knew how this was all going to play out . Why was the SWAT team waiting . . . what were they waiting for ? As we watched , we saw the bright lights from a helicopter that had just appeared on the scene . It was a news helicopter from a nearby large city network affiliate of our local television station . Apparently , the news had gone national from our little podunk station . Now what ? ? ? Just then , the door to the Kindergarten opened , and Mrs . Wilson stepped out , dressed elegantly , and Lucy stood beside her , looking bewildered about all that was going on . Lucy , however , was wearing her housecoat , and slippers , like she had just gotten out of bed minutes before . " Gentlemen ! To what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your early morning company ? Why have you surrounded my home bearing arms and wearing protective gear ? Are you looking to be attacked by little old me ? I 'm afraid I haven 't prepared breakfast yet , or I would invite you in for coffee . Now , what can I do for you ? " Mrs . Wilson was the soul of kindness to the SWAT team , but I noticed she did not welcome them inside the building . Tanya Jane stepped forward to speak to Mrs . Wilson . " Good morning to you , Mrs . Wilson . I 'm Tanya Jane Harlow , with the our local television station , WTLK , and we have been informed that your security guard is involved in a local drug operation . What can you tell us about that ? " Tanya then stuck the microphone into Mrs . Wilson 's face . " I can tell you that it is not really any of your business , young woman ! However , just for the record , I fired him last evening for insubordination . He left before his evening shift was over , and I do not like employees leaving during working hours . I will not keep anyone who shirks his duties in my employ . Right now , I have no idea where he is , and I don 't care . As for his being involved in a drug ring , that is not in my knowledge . It wouldn 't surprise me , though , since he is a former street person . As you may know , not all of them are trustworthy . I believe in giving people a chance , and if they mess up , then they are back out on the streets . Now , gentlemen , apparently you had ideas about coming in . . . do you have a search warrant ? " The SWAT team leader produced a search warrant that had apparently just been delivered to him . He handed it to Mrs . Wilson , and she stepped back , allowing him and his men into the building . I saw Lucy step to one side , as well , her eyes as big as saucers , and hugging her housecoat to her chest . The door was closed in Tanya Jane 's face and she turned to the cameras , beginning her running comments again . " Well , ladies and gentlemen , there you have it . We will wait outside the kindergarten to see what happens and to see if they carry out anything . In the meantime , we don 't have the name of the security guard in question . We are not sure exactly of the hours he is supposed to work , either . Rest assured that it won 't be long until we have that information in hand . Perhaps we can interview Ms . Wilkins when she is available . She can probably provide some news to us . Stay tuned . " Tanya Jane seemed to be out of ammunition at the moment . Turning to Lieutenant Shannon , I asked , " How did such a snafu take place ? What happened ? Why hadn 't they already gone in ? What were they waiting for ? " " Well , AnnaBee , apparently they were late getting the search warrant . They had to wake up a judge to get it signed , and he was reluctant because Mrs . Wilson is a big contributor to some of the charities he promotes . They had to do some big talking to get his approval . Now we 'll just have to wait and see if they find any evidence of drugs inside . " I began looking around again for John Dover . Of course , I didn 't find him . He was gone , but you can believe he wouldn 't get any more information from this source ! Now , with the guard missing , I was still in danger , along with Jack . The guard knew we could identify him . Gazing around the room , I saw that we were in a wait - and - see mode . The men that had gathered here were now kind of lounging around , almost all of them had a cup of coffee in their hands . It had been about fifteen minutes since any news from the SWAT team had been televised . Of course , by now , we could see bystanders had begun to show up onscreen . Tanya Jane was talking to them and getting their opinions . It didn 't matter to her whether they had anything important to say . She was very talented at getting people to respond to her questions . It was said that she could get answers from a fence post if she had enough time . Another ten minutes and the team emerged from the building , empty handed , except for a gun they had found in Mrs . Wilson 's night stand . The lady stood at the door with a smile on her face , and said , " Come back any time , fellows . If you 'll call ahead I 'll be sure to have coffee and doughnuts waiting for you . " Then she turned to the news crews and remarked , " Sorry , you all , I just have nothing for you this morning . Please take care not to trample the flowers on your way out . " Then she closed the door quietly . Tanya Jane , not being the type to give up , spoke to the leader of the SWAT team , and asked about the gun . . " had it been fired lately . . . did it have any cartridges missing . . . did she say why she had it . . . did she have a permit for it . . . " and so on . The reporter with the out of town team also had questions for them , such as , " where do you think the guard is . . . do you think she really fired him . . . do you think she is really connected to the drugs . . . why didn 't you bring the sniffing drug dogs with you . . . do you have any of them . . " All the answers were , of course , in the negative . . . no response mostly . It seemed as though there was a lot the DEA team didn 't know , and I would need to find out , somehow , if possible . Now that Lucy was aware of the problems in which she was now involved , I wondered what I could do to help her . Should I press her to get out ? I knew I needed to visit her , now that the guard had disappeared and I was free to go there . I looked again around the Looie 's office . Although it was a fairly large office , it was really crowded talk to Pastor Joe , who was still there talking with Zeb . When they saw me head toward them , they stopped talking and Zeb tipped his hat and was on his way out of the room . It made me wonder again just what he was doing there ; he was always turning up at the most unexpected times . Clancy was curled up in the corner . All the excitement had taken its toll and he was tired . Smart dog ! He was doing what I needed to be , but I was just too wound up . Ideas were running through my head a mile a minute , and I had questions that needed answers . Jack had disappeared as well . Now where did he go ? Going over to speak to Pastor Joe , I decided to ask him if he knew anything about Zeb , since he had been talking to him . " Hey , Pastor Joe , I 'm sure glad to see you . We were thinkin ' about comin ' to see you to get Lucy out of that Kindergarten place , but now it seems like we won 't be needin ' to . There is somethin ' else I 'd like to ask you , though . " " Hello , again , AnnaBee ! I 'm mighty glad to see you 're okay . Tell me about what all you 've been up to last night . I hear you 've been on a wild goose chase , but that you were the goose being chased . Is that right ? " " Well , yeah , you could say I was the Snipe in a Snipe hunt , so to speak . Bein ' chased by people with guns intendin ' to shoot me was sure an experience I wouldn 't want to happen again . But who told you about it ? " " I really don 't much like that expression ' neck of the woods ' much anymore . Anyway , I wanted to ask you about Zeb , and what you know about him . He seems like a mystery to me . He is always around , he 's very polite , but sometimes it seems as though he is following me . What can you tell me about him ? " " He 's just another street person , like yourself , I believe . I think he may have had a difficult life in earlier years . Why don 't you ask him , yourself ? I 'm sure he 'd be glad to talk to you . As for his following you , perhaps , since he seems to be living on the streets , maybe he 's just going the same way as you . I do know that he knows the Lieutenant and some of the other men stationed here , but I 'm not sure in what capacity . " " Nah , nah ! I 'm not that interested in him , to be talkin ' to him . Maybe sometime , I don 't know . Listen , do you know where Jack has gotten to ? I wonder if he is going to try to open his Uncle 's auto shop , or if it has been closed down for good . I really need to talk to that young man . " My mind was still going a mile a minute . " AnnaBelle . . . er . . . Ms . Chasteen . . I know my name is probably mud right now , but I just wanted you to know I 'm sorry about that whole snafu that took place this morning . I didn 't realize the importance of keeping that earlier story quiet , because I was sending the story of the robbery as it was happening . Then when I heard the rest of what you were involved in , I knew my boss would fire me if I didn 't get it . I just got married a little over a year ago , and I have a new baby . I can 't afford to get fired , don 't you see ? " John Dover was pleading with me to forgive him . " I see , all right ! I see you don 't have any ethics for keeping your word . Young man , if you are going to be in the news business , you need to rethink your morals ! Your thoughtlessness could have cost people their lives early this morning . The police may have lost their chance to break up a drug ring , and my good friend , Lucy , could be dead by now , just because you had to run a story . The people don 't always have a right to know , if others ' lives are in danger because of it ! " I must admit , I was boiling mad . " I believe the Lieutenant will want to have a little chat with you , too . " quite often get very emotional when I 'm angry ) , I looked again for Jack . Then I saw him over in the corner , talking on the phone . He was gesticulating and smiling . Ahhh ! Lily . . . He must be talking to his girl friend . I edged a little closer . . . not exactly eavesdropping , you understand , but I did need to know a little more about them . . like were they getting really serious about one another . I 'll see you later today . We can have lunch together at our usual place . Sure . . . . me , too . Bye . " Jack turned around and saw me sitting in a chair and inspecting my fingernails . " Boy , I didn 't realize how dirty my fingernails got while I was scrabbling around outside that cave . Just look at them ! " I held them up for him to view . Jack just smiled at me , " Curiousity killed the cat , don 't you know ? " " Well , maybe I just wanted to know how you are feelin ' right now . That was a terrible thing you went through , too , thinkin ' that I was goin ' to be killed . We have been friends for a long time , and I wasn 't sure which side you were on , either , but I just couldn 't believe you 'd shoot me . I kept hopin ' you 'd take ' em out somehow . " I got up and went over to hug him again . Jack and I went over to the Lieutenant and told him we needed to be leaving if he didn 't need us any more . " Listen , you two , you are both in very real danger until we catch that security guard . You two are the only ones that can identify him , except for Lucy and Ms . Wilson . Ms . Wilson is not talking , and I don 't really want to question Lucy right now . We have to make Mrs . Wilson think she is in the clear . I am going to assign two men to keep their eyes on you two . You won 't see them , but they will both know where you are and what you are doing . Now , why don 't you all ride back to the Mission with Pastor Joe . Don 't forget Clancy over there in the corner . Oh , yes , AnnaBelle , see if you can keep your nose clean and out of my business for awhile . " This last was said with a smile . It seems the Looie knew how difficult it was for me to mind my own business . Ha ! As if I would . I looked over at Clancy and realized he was curled up next to my pushcart . When they had found my cart near the auto shop building , they must have put it into the trunk of the squad car . I gathered my stuff and followed Jack and Pastor Joe down the stairs to the first floor , with Clancy trotting along beside me . The little fellow had more rest than I but he still didn 't seem to have all his energy back yet . I picked him up and carried him ; he looked up at me gratefully and licked my face . Poor baby ! He had been through a lot the night before as well as I had . There was little conversation as we rode back to the Mission in Pastor Joe 's old green Chevvy . We each seemed to be lost in our own thoughts . Then Joe turned to me and asked , " What in the world were you thinking to go messing around that auto shop after dark when supposedly no one else was there ? " Uh oh ! He was letting me have it with both barrels , and I had no defense . " Yeah , AnnaBee ! What were you thinkin ' ? " Jack asked from the back seat . " Do you know or have any idea how worried I was when I saw you layin ' there on the ground outside after you fell off that stupid dumpster ? I knew I couldn 't do much to protect you from my uncle and cousins . How could you ? " Well , I just puffed up self - righteously and crossed my arms defensively against the double barrage of their attack , as though they were in the wrong and I was in the right . " I had to know , is why I did it . I thought I could get inside with no one the wiser , and then when I saw the light comin ' through the bay doors , I had to know what was goin ' on . If I hadn 't forgot that I was on the dumpster , I could have gotten away . Then you would never have known I was there . " The tears began to flow from my eyes in a slow stream , and then I put my face in my hands and cried . That verbal assault from my friends after all I had gone through the night before was just too much . Clancy began licking at my face through my fingers , and Jack reached up between the front seats and patted my shoulder , apologizing , but still standing his ground that I shouldn 't have snooped around . Pastor Joe , like most men , just was not sure what to do , so he kept silent . Pretty soon , I wiped my eyes and said , " I 'm okay , and I forgive you all for jumping on me with both feet . Maybe , just maybe , I deserved it , but I would probably do it again , and be more careful the next time . " " We know , AnnieBee , we know . A tiger can 't change it 's stripes any more than you will ever change . We love you anyway . " This came from Pastor Joe . " Now , when we get to the Mission , let 's have some breakfast . WTLK 's news van waiting in the street , apparently to catch us before we went into the Mission . I told Pastor Joe to please keep driving and to go around to the back . Maybe we could avoid talking with Tanya Jane , ' cause I knew she would be the one waiting for us . That girl loved to lie in wait , like a cat waiting to spring on unsuspecting victims . Well , I intended this to be one time she missed . At least until Jack and I got some rest . Little Clancy , sitting in my lap , growled . He knew I was upset . I scooted down in my seat to get out of sight . Pastor Joe went on around the block and parked behind the Mission , and we climbed wearily out of the vehicle and went in through the back door , through the kitchen . " Ah ! " I said to myself . " We 've outsmarted that little vixen ! " We went through the kitchen into the dining room , and found ourselves face to face with her ; where she sat at one of the tables , watching the front door and surrounding areas . I knew when I saw her that it was no use . " Ah , ladies and gentlemen of our viewing audience . Here is the heroine of the day ! AnnaBelle Chasteen , come over here and tell us all about your bravery , not once , but twice , during the past twenty - four hours ! You are one of the bravest ladies I have ever interviewed . I could hardly wait to speak with you ! " " Sorry , Tanya Jane . . . it 's just too fresh in my mind and I am so very tired and hungry . I haven 't eaten since sometime yesterday and , as you said , I 've been through some traumatic experiences over the past twenty four hours . I really need to have some breakfast and rest for awhile . I 'm just not up to an interview right now . " I gave her as pitiable a look as I possibly could . " Well , while it is fresh in your mind is a good time to do the interview . I won 't keep you long . Isn 't it true that you were captured by men who then chased you through the woods as though you were an animal being hunted , and used your own little dog to find you ? Oh , is this sweet looking little dog the one ? " When she reached down to pet him , Clancy growled at her and snapped his jaws . She pulled her hand back quickly . I patted Clancy on the head and felt like kissing him . He could sense my animosity toward her , I guess . Tanya Jane backed up as though he were a snake getting ready to strike her . " Well , I guess we 'll let you get some rest right now and some breakfast , " quipped Tanya Jane . She then turned to Jack and began quizzing him . I turned back to Tanya Jane and told her to keep her questions to herself . " Jack is an honest young man who found himself in a predicament , not of his own making , and he deserves to be commended instead of castigated . Now , please leave us alone ! " Clancy barked at her , and she backed up again . " Well , folks , I guess they really do need to get their breakfast and rest . More later . This is Tanya Jane Harlow , returning you to the station . " Turning to her camera man , she turned off her microphone and said , " That 's a wrap . Let 's get out of this place . It smells in here ! " The rest of the day passed by quietly . I stayed awake as long as I could and waited until the proper time to go to sleep . Then I claimed one of the beds in the Mission shelter , with Clancy snuggled under the bed and we both slept . My sleep was littered with dreams filled with being chased through the woods and being shot down by Jack . I awakened in the middle of the night , shouting . The people around me were shushing me and telling me to either be quiet or get out . Tendering my apologies to them , I lay back down , covered up and turned over , drifting back to sleep . The next few days , I kept on the lookout for the security guard , expecting him to turn up trying to do away with me . I never saw him and was beginning to feel safe again . Although the Looie had said he was assigning someone to keep watch over me , I never saw them either . Was I losing my touch ? About the third day after I was rescued , I decided to go over to the kindergarten to visit with Lucy Mae . I was feeling pretty chipper by then , and felt the need to see my friend and ask her how the recent events had affected her , if any . I needed to see how she was doing , don 't cha know ? As I left the Mission after breakfast that morning , I saw Jack come jogging up . He was loping along at an easy pace , with the sweat dripping from his nose , wiping his face with a small hand towel . When he saw me , he slowed down and walked over to me . " Hey , AnnaBee , good morning ! Have you already had breakfast ? Why don 't you come in and sit with me if you have , so we can talk . " " Well , sure , Jack ! I reckon maybe I could drink another cup of coffee with you . We haven 't had a chance to really talk since everything that happened to us last weekend . " As we turned to go back into the Mission , I noticed a man coming down the street whose face was red as a beet , and who looked like he had been dragged through a knothole . He seemed to be limping along as though his feet were hurting . " Jack , don 't be obvious , but look at that man back there , coming toward the Mission . He looks like he 's in pain . " Jack gave me a smile and said , " He 's my shadow . I 've been doin ' my five mile run and he 's apparently a little out of shape . Poor guy . " I raised my eyebrows , leaned back a bit and looked at Jack . " So that 's what has slimmed you down lately ! I should have known or guessed somethin ' like that . I reckon I 've just been too preoccupied with other stuff to figure it out . " Looking down at Clancy , who of course was my shadow always , I said , " Come on , little feller , let 's head back indoors . " As we entered the door , we saw Zeb on his way out of the Mission . He nodded to Jack and tipped his hat to me , then went on his way down to the street . Jack said , " Why don 't you get us a seat and I 'll bring your coffee when I get my breakfast tray . I have some things I need to discuss with you . " away because I changed foster homes ; and then she moved away , too . She just moved back to our town a short time ago . I saw her one day at the supermarket . She recognized me first , and spoke to me . That was the beginning of our re - acquaintance . " to say I was floored would be an understatement . I jumped up and ran around to Jack and threw my arms around him , giving him an extra strong hug . He grinned and hugged me back . Then I went back around and sitting down again , said , " Tell me more ! Tell me about your runnin ' . When did you begin that ? And why ? " a kid that wasn 't treated right by adults and other kids . So , I quit eatin ' cookies that I didn 't need , and started runnin ' to take off some of the extra weight I was carryin ' . I 've been takin ' night classes to learn what I missed in high school . Lily has been helpin ' me with them , too . " was evident . Needless to say , I was very proud of him . And now , he was planning on getting married ? I felt like I had been putting my head in the sand , to have all that going on and not knowing about it . Maybe our Jack was just good at keeping his own counsel , so to speak . question for you , Jack . . . what about where you and Lily will live when you marry ? And what does she do for a living ? You 're not going to live on the streets , are you ? You say you 're planning to open your own motor repair shop . . . where do you plan on doing that ? " Lily lives in a house she inherited from her grandmother and since I haven 't proposed yet , I don 't know about where we would live . First she has to say ' yes ' . As for the shop I want to open , I was thinkin ' maybe about where my Uncle Hank 's shop is . I could maybe rent it for a good price since he won 't be using it for awhile . " I could see that Jack had put a lot of thought into all this . Then I had an idea . " Say , Jack - how about if we go over to the shop and check it out , see if anything has been happenin ' over there ? It 's been several days since we were last there . If you wanted any input from me on ideas , I could help you do a little plannin ' , maybe . " " Aren 't you still kinda worn out from all that happened a few nights ago , AnnaBee ? I 'll bet you 've still got sore places from all that running and scrabbling about . " Jack 's was the voice of sensibility speaking to me , but somehow , I just couldn 't seem to hear it . " Well , if you won 't go with me , I 'll just take Clancy and go myself , " I replied stubbornly . " For Lucy 's sake , I 'll stay away from her for a few more days till we get this matter resolved of the missin ' security guard . But I 'm a free agent , and I reckon I 'll jist go where I want to . I 'm not wantin ' to ' take it easy ' . I want to go look for myself . Maybe I can see some clues about where the guard might be . I might pick up on some clues the police missed when they were searchin ' around . " at me as if I had two heads . Then he shook his in disbelief . " I can 't let you do that , AnnaBee . You could be heading right back into a passel of trouble . I 've got things to do , and you just can 't be running off to get yourself killed , maybe . Wait till tomorrow afternoon and we 'll both go then . You might spend some time at the library , if you wanted something to do . I really do want you to go with me to look at the shop . You always have really good ideas on organizing stuff . " " I guess I could do some readin ' and research . Sure , that 's a good idea , Jack . I could go visit the library and check out what 's been goin ' on in the newspapers . Thanks for the ideas . I 've been kinda at loose ends the last few days . I really miss my buddy , Lucy Mae , too . Maybe I could go lookin ' for some empty cans and bottles for recycling . I 'll see ya later , Jack . " Taking my pushcart in hand , I whistled to Clancy and we were off to the out of doors . I had purpose now and I was going to do some checking on stuff . As I walked along , I noticed the air had quite a chill to it . Winter was definitely on its way . Gazing up at the sky , I saw that it had a rather leaden look to it . Uh , oh ! Those clouds were hanging low , and looked like they were filled with water . Just what we needed . . . more rain . It had rained some the night before , but had stopped sometime during the wee hours of the morning . Clancy and I headed towards the outer limits of town . I was headed towards the auto repair shop , but decided to change my course and make a detour to the Sunny Bright Kindergarten , and just kind of set up some surveillance from across the street , but out of sight . There happened to be a small park across the way , and since the children came to school around nine a . m . , I had time to observe their arrival . Theirs was a very short day , since they were so young . Finding a park bench underneath an overhanging tree , I found I could observe unseen by anyone unless they came very close to me . I put the leash on Clancy so that he would be unable to wander away , and looped it over the back of the bench where the arm of the bench came up . He would have plenty of room to move about and there was a puddle of water nearby where he could drink . There happened to be a newspaper in my cart so I pulled it out and placed it on the bench , which was still damp from the rain the night before , so that I could sit down and take up my vigil . It wasn 't very long before a limo pulled up to the front of the school and the chauffeur got out , closed his door , went around to the other side , opened the rear door for the child , taking him by the hand , walked him to the door of the school , which was immediately opened by a security guard . Handing the child over to the security guard , he shook hands with the guard and returned to the limo . Did he get something from the guard with that handshake ? As I sat there watching for the next twenty - five minutes , the process was repeated for each child that was brought . Looking around , I couldn 't see that the police still had the place being watched , like the Lieutenant had told me they would . Had they given up ? Maybe because they hadn 't found any incriminating evidence when they searched the place , they had given up . Well , not me ! I was not going to give up , especially with my good buddy , Lucy Mae Wilkins , in there , maybe in grave danger . What to do ? It looked like all the kids were probably in class for the day . I couldn 't stick around here much longer without casting suspicion ; maybe I had already been spotted . I got up , picking up the newspaper and decided to walk around through the park , seeing if I could find any cans or empty bottles . I needed to get up and move around some , anyway . Taking a path through the park , I decided to let Clancy run about , so I took him off the leash and told him to stay close by . Whoa ! He saw a squirrel and took off after him ; of course , I had to run after him and that was difficult what with pulling my cart along behind me . As you may remember , my cart is a folding one , that can be pulled along behind one , as well as being pushed in front of one . Well , what a sight we must have been , with Clancy chasing a squirrel and barking , and me running after him , shouting and pulling my cart behind me . I must have chased that little rascal for a full twenty minutes , clear to the other side of the park , near the lake . The leaves in the park were slippery from the rain the night before , and I slid down and landed near the edge of the lake . Twenty feet from the edge of the lake , something was floating in the water . It looked like it had once been human , because it seemed to be wearing clothing . Now it was just a blob of something bobbing about in the water , with arms and legs and a head . My heart began pounding like it was going to burst . I lay back , resting on my elbows , trying to catch my breath . I called Clancy over to me and fastened the leash to his collar . I needed to get the police out here , but I didn 't want to go over to the kindergarten to do so . When I had fallen , my cart had gone flying as well , so I got to my feet and walked over to where it lay , and setting it aright I looked around to see if anyone else were anywhere near . Seeing no one , I began walking hurriedly through the woods and out to the street some ways down from the kindergarten . As I hurried to the police station , a patrol car passed me in a hurry . I nearly ran all the way to the station and hurried up the steps . Clancy ran along beside me , as though it were great fun . Hurrying into the station house , I came up to the desk duty sergeant and hung onto the edge of his desk . " Why , Miss AnnieBee , what 's got you all in such a dither ? Is somebody chasin ' you through the forest again ? " he joked . " This ain 't funny , Sergeant Greene ! I jist saw a dead body a floatin ' in the lake ! I need somebody ta come ' n ' take a look . " " Aw , shah ! You 're pullin ' one of your pranks , aren 't cha ? " " Listen , you doubtin ' Thomas ! I 'm tellin ' ya true . I was jist over to the lake near the kindergarten , and there was a body floatin ' in the water about twenty feet out . Jist wait a minute , is the Looie in ? He 'll believe me ! He knows I don 't joke about dead bodies . I 'll jist go up and tell him . Come on , Clancy . We don 't have time to waste with underlin 's like Sgt . Greene , here . " With that , Clancy and I went up the stairs to Lieutenant Shannon 's office . I just left my cart where it was , next to the duty desk . The Looie was talking on the phone to someone as I came in . " Hey , AnnaBee , I hear you found a body floating in the lake . I 've already dispatched a team over there to check it out . " " Have you forgotten that I have a man looking out for you ? He saw you discovering the body and gave me a call . Thanks to you and your surveillance - oh , yeah , we know you 've been watching the kindergarten this morning - we know about the body . We 've already dispatched the coroner to the lake , along with a team of men to investigate the scene . Your shadow couldn 't stay with the body , because you were really on the move , and he had to keep you in sight . He said you move pretty fast for an old lady . " The Lieutenant was grinning when he said that last thing about me being an old lady . I just gave him a punch on the shoulder , like I was irritated by that last remark . Hmmm . Whose body was out in the water ? Was it anyone I knew ? Maybe Ms . Wilson ? Going over to one of the chairs in the Looie 's office , I sat down to rest and wait . Then I decided I needed to go to the rest room and that Clancy probably needed a drink of water , so I took him with me . Before I left the office , though , I picked up an empty styrofoam cup from the Looie 's desk , so I could get Clancy 's water in it . We came back into the office and sat down again . " Say , do ya have any coffee , Lieutenant ? I sure could use a cup of it . " Sitting back in the chair , I got to thinking . The clothes I saw on that person out in the lake looked kind of familiar to me . Where had I seen them before ? Just then , the Looie came back with my coffee and a sticky bun . That would bring my energy level back up . The ringing of the phone on his desk caught our attention and he went over to answer it . " Shannon here . Yes , who did you say it was ? Oh , my . It has been awhile since I 've heard that name . How did he die . . . can you tell ? Hmmm . Now that is strange , and what would he be doing out near the lake , anyway ? Okay , be sure and get back to me . Right , I 'll tell her . " Turning to me , he said , " Well , that was one of my men . The coroner says the body belonged to William Hankins . William was once a police detective , and his story is a sad one . In fact you know him , probably . He was one of the people who lived on the streets . They called him Wino Willie . " At that information , I sat up and I know my mouth must have dropped open in amazement . Wino Willie had once been a policeman . Who would ever have guessed ? " I suppose so . . . well , you see , one night he was on an undercover stake - out and it was the dead of winter . He hadn 't been in touch with his family for quite awhile , and their house somehow caught fire while they were asleep . His wife and children burned to death . He never recovered from the loss , and turned to drink , gradually losing interest in everything . Consequently , he lost his job as well . He was one of the best detectives we ever had . " The Looie 's story about Wino Willie brought tears to my eyes . Who would ever have thought about old Willie having been a top - notch detective ? Wonder what he was doing out there at the lake to meet a suspicious death ? As I sat there , chewing on the sticky bun , I was also chewing on an idea . Yep , that was what I was going to do , all right . I was thinking that some of the other people Willie and I knew in common would have some idea what he had been up to . Old Willie the Wino couldn 't keep his mouth shut when he was around his friends . " Looie , I sure would like to know how Willie got killed . Could ya jist give me a kind of hint ? " I began watching his face as I asked my questions . I knew when I hit on the answer , he would probably shut me off . " Did he get shot ? Or maybe strangled ? Or did he get stabbed ? Say , maybe he got clubbed over the head with a blunt object ? " " Now , AnnaBelle , I told you , I can 't divulge that information . If you 're thinking about getting involved in this investigation , you can just forget about it . You still have that guard to be concerned about . You are supposed to be keeping a low profile . " I now knew that Willie had probably been clobbered over the head , maybe with part of a tree limb , or some such thing . Had he been doing what I had done that morning . . . observing the going 's on at the kindergarten from across the street ? Brrr . . . kinda made me shudder . " Yeah , I know . I promise not to get into any more trouble , Lieutenant . I 'll be real careful and not irritate anyboy . Thank you for the sticky bun and coffee . Clancy and I need to be going now ; we 've taken up enough of your time and I know you 've got important things ta do . " The Looie gave me a strange look as if to say , ' what ? Going already without sticking around to see what more they find out at the lake ? ' but he replied , " Okay , AnnaBee , you be careful and stay out of police business . You hear me ? I mean it . I don 't want to have somebody finding your body laying out somewhere , dead ! " I just smiled sweetly at him and said , " Now , don 't you worry none . I 'm gonna be jist fine , young man . I 'm gonna be fine . " to some of Willie 's cronies . I just knew they would know something about what he was doing . I could get to them and get answers before the police would . Ha ! Say , maybe if I looked back every once in awhile , I could spot the policeman that the Looie had assigned to watch me , and I could ditch him . I hadn 't been paying enough attention to that little detail . The trouble was , it was now the middle of the day , and there were quite a few people out and about . Well , I 'd worry about that later . Right now , my mind was on finding some of Willie 's friends that he hung out with . Ah ! There was Jimmy Jake , standing on the corner , with his hat out , trying to get people to put a dollar or two in it . He had on dark glasses and carried a white tipped cane . I knew he wasn 't blind , but the average citizen didn 't know it . Walking over to Jimmy Jake , I spoke to him and asked if he had seen Willie the Wino lately . ( Yeah , I know that would be a dumb question to ask someone who is supposedly blind ! ) " Who wants ta know ? " he replied , like he didn 't know me . " I do ! I have some information that I bet you 'd like ta have , too . I know somethin ' about him that is not common knowledge . " " Say ! AnnieBee , did he tell you about what he was goin ' ta do , too ? " Wow ! I hit paydirt , right off the bat ! Jimmy Jake had known all about what Willie had been doing . Now , to get it out of him without him knowing that I didn 't know . " Ya say , he was dyin ' ? How come him ta tell ya that ? " I wanted to know . " Well , I saw him one day a few weeks ago and he was jist comin ' outta the free clinic . He 'd been hurtin ' somethin ' fierce in his belly , so he went ta find out . Doc told ' im that he had Cirrhosis of the liver and " Yeah , I know , Jimmy . Well , here is somethin ' ya didn 't know ; I found his body this mornin ' , a ' floatin ' in the lake out across the way from the kindergarten . It looked like he 'd been there for several days . Now keep this under yore hat , cause it ain 't common knowledge yet . Apparently , somebody saw him sneakin ' around and clobbered him , then dumped his body in the lake . I 'll bet they were in a hurry and tried ta weight it down , and didn 't do a good enough job of it . " " Well , he 'd been around askin ' questions of people we both know , and some we don 't know , and he must of asked the wrong people . Listen , AnnieBee , I know you think you 're a detective an ' all , but you 'd best be careful who you go around a ' talkin ' to . Sometimes you can get inta trouble a ' pokin ' your nose inta other people 's business . Seems like you nearly got yours a few days ago , didn 't cha ? " Now , I didn 't like having people like Jimmy Jake telling me to mind my business . It was okay for the Looie , but Jimmy Jake ? Please . You know how Jimmy Jake got his name ? He got the Jimmy part from his life 's profession of going around jimmying windows open and burgling houses . The Jake part was already his given name " Jacob " . Hence Jimmy Jake . Well , Heading for River Street , I knew exactly where to find some of Willie 's drinking buddies . They didn 't frequent the bars too much ; instead , they bought their gin and wine in the many grocery stores that sold it cheaper , and went to the alleyways where they wouldn 't be disturbed . They got the cheapest stuff they could find , since they were mostly homeless . The ones that weren 't lived in dumps , cause they 'd lost their families by drinking , and were living on their social security or welfare . It was a sad way of life for them . I had Clancy with me for protection ; he wouldn 't let any one try to hurt me without gnawing their leg off . Of course , he was not a very big dog , but he could do a lot of damage to anyone trying to get to me . I felt quite safe . As I walked along these back alleys , I saw lots of bottles and cans , so I picked them up as I went . Clancy saw a stray cat and tried to chase it , but I called him back . It wouldn 't do for my protector to be off running after a cat , now would it ? Every I wasn 't feeling very successful about my search for information . I left the alleyways and headed toward the street ; my feet were acknowledging the fact that they had been tramping up and down all over creation and my back was getting tired , too . Spotting a greasy spoon diner , I picked up Clancy and put him in my cart , covering him so that only his beady black eyes were showing . Taking my cart back to the rest room , I washed my hands thoroughly and then used the facilities . I then took my little buddy out of the cart and got him a drink of water in my hands . Then I put him back in and washed my hands again . I had picked up a bunch of filthy bottles and cans that afternoon . We went on back out into the diner , where I chose a spot near the back so that I could watch the people entering . I might yet see some of the people that Willie and I knew in common . Ordering a Blue Plate Special from the frowsy waitress , I sat back and rested , waiting for my food . She brought me the cup of coffee that I ordered when I sat down , and I enjoyed the fragrance . These greasy spoons might serve lousy food , but the coffee was always top notch . When the waitress brought my food to me , she handed me a folded piece of paper . Hmm . That was curious ; why would she be doing that ? Looking up at her , I lifted my eyebrows in a questioning gesture . " That fellow at the bar over there asked me to give it to you , said you would understand . " Looking down at the unfolded paper , I read it a second time . Yes , the words were the same as I had just read . " Nosey people find theirselfs in deep water . " Well , I knew one thing about him . He was uneducated . He could be any one of several ignoramuses wandering around the streets . I reckon maybe he meant business though . that meant I was stepping on somebody 's toes . Hah ! I was hot on the trail of Willie 's killers . Willie might have been a drunk , but he was basically a good man , and his death should not go unpunished . I sat there and began thinking about the various people i had talked to that day . Which one could it be that had tipped off the writer of the note ? Maybe I had actually talked to the note writer . Let me see , now . There was Eddie the Moocher who sat on the corner of River Street and Main . He seemed really interested in talking about Willie . He had a lot of questions for me about what had happened at the lake . He seemed to get more from me than i did from him . Crazy Hattie ( we call her that because she loves to pick fights with people and accuse them of trying to steal her junk ) was quite entranced by my questions . She wanted to know why I was at the lake . Of course I couldn 't really tell her . Hamlet had lots of questions about what I was doing and why . ( We call him that because he is always quoting Shakespeare - I think he must have been an English professor in his former life . ) He told me that word on the street was that one of Willie 's pals had come into a lot of money , but he couldn 't tell me any more about it . I realized that it was all tied up with the drug business and I knew that very few people living on the streets could afford to buy drugs , except those women who worked at night , plying their trade , and most of their money went to the boss they worked for . Sometimes the bosses were the ones that supplied them with drugs . Maybe those women were the ones I should be talking to . Yeah . Suddenly , I really wasn 't very hungry any more , but I knew I needed to eat something , so I went ahead and ate what I could . It might be a long evening before I go another meal . As made the notes , I could make some deductions or come to some conclusions about where the threat to me was coming from . Maybe instead of asking any more questions , I just needed to observe for a while some of the people I had been talking to . Yeah , that 's it . Observe . I had ordered a piece of meat for my meal , but decided Clancy could do it more justice than I could , so I passed it to him as he waited patiently in my cart . He looked at me gratefully , and began to chew on the meat . I could still see his beady little black eyes looking out at me , reached over into the cart and brought out my old purse so I could get my little notebook , and pencil , also I needed to pay for my dinner . Now that my job was over , I would need to really watch my pennies . It was a good feeling to have a little money in the bank , you know , but it wouldn 't last long . I always contributed to the box in the Mission when I could . Looking at the notebook , I began writing down the names of everybody I had talked to today , and what they had told me . Which of them had passed on my questions and to whom ? Perhaps , they had passed them on quite innocently , not knowing the harm they would do . This was going to take quite a bit of thinking and also conjecturing about who could be the ' leak ' to the drug dealers . Actually , it could be any one of those I had spoken to . Okay , instead of talking to the ladies of the evening , I would just do some quiet observing . All I needed was an empty doorway on River Street that wasn 't already being used by someone else . The evenings were getting rather cool by now , so I would be using my blanket tonight that I had gotten at the Goodwill place just last week , preparing for the winter . It was still early in the day ( so to speak ) , around 5 p . m . and I could still do some questioning of a few more of Willie 's friends . I could go into one of the pubs that were scattered along River Street . There was one called " Lucky Lou 's " that one of his friends had told me he used to go into once in awhile , because some of the cops still went in there after hours . Now , if I could just go in quietly and unobserved . There it was , just down the street from the diner where I had eaten the late dinner . ( Down South , we call lunch dinner , and what Yankees call dinner , we call supper ) . Just letting you know , so you don 't get confused . Walking slowly down the street , I looked around to see if anyone I had talked to earlier was still there . Actually , I was trying to determine if the fellow who had sent me the threat was anywhere around . Nobody looked suspicious to me , so I just kept strolling along , pulling my cart behind me . I had set Clancy out on the sidewalk with his leash attached and he was trotting along beside me . Bless his little heart ! behind me , and opened the door for me . I turned to look at him , questioningly . It had been awhile since that had happened . I was that surprised when I saw who it was . " Ulp . . . oh , hi , Looie . Yeah , imagine that , " I gulped out . " Well , since we 're here , let 's go on in and find us a little corner for a chat , okay ? " The Lieutenant headed for an empty booth in the back of the room , moving along beside me in a protective manner . I had a feeling I was in for it , for sure . " Er . . . ah . . . I 'm not very thirsty , but I guess I could maybe drink a root beer , if we have ta order somethin ' , " I stammered . I had begun to recover my wits , and believe me , he had really scattered them , coming up behind me that way . The Looie ordered himself a cup of coffee , and a root beer for me . Then he turned to me with a look of chagrin on his tired face . " AnnaBee , do you remember how your Billy and I used to go fishing when I could get the time off ? You would pack us a lunch and sometimes you would even go with us . But mostly , it was just Billy and me . " " Yes , I remember . He used to say you were like the son we never had , and of course , I agreed with him . We always enjoyed havin ' you come over and spend time with us . He always told me he 'd trust you with anything he had . " to me . How do you think it would make me feel if you came down here in this muck and mire and got yourself killed . You don 't normally frequent this part of town ; you don 't know the vermin that live in this place . Some of them would just as soon hit you over the head as to look at you . You can 't keep doing this kind of thing , AnnaBelle . Please , would you just leave the detecting to us ? " Well , when the Looie turned those green eyes on me , and gave me that little sermonette , I felt lower than a snake 's belly . I knew he had promised my Billy that he would look after me , and I knew I needed to get out of this part of town . I 'd just have to get my answers in a different way , if I could think of a safe one . Should I show him the threatening note I had received a little earlier ? Nah , it would just worry him more , bless his heart . " Okay , Mike . I promise I 'll leave this part of town alone . I wasn 't pickin ' up much info anyway . I did find out , though , that one of Willie 's friends had come inta a bunch of money , but I don 't know which one . Listen , I 'm goin ' ta see Lucy on Friday evenin ' and see if maybe I can get her to come out with me for awhile , and have supper with me . Do ya think that 'd be okay ? Should I kinda ask her a few questions about the school , now that she 's been there for a week ? " " That would be okay , I guess , but be careful . Listen , bring her to the Mission for supper and I 'll just casually stop by and I can ask her a few innocent questions about how she is getting along and how she likes working there and so on . Okay ? " " Right , Looie . I 'm apologizin ' right now for puttin ' you to so much worry . I promise to stay outta trouble as much as I can , okay ? And I 'll stay outta this part a ' town , too . It does kinda ' give me the creeps ta be wanderin ' around down here , don 't cha know ? " Looking around , I noticed a fellow over at the bar giving us a little more attention than I thought we deserved . He saw me observing him , and quickly turned his head to look at his watch , and as though remembering an appointment he had to keep , he got up and threw some money on the bar , and left . That fellow was quite dirty looking , with a scruffy beard , and wearing old jeans , topped by a hooded jacket like these hip - hop singers wear . He had a do - rag wrapped around his head . Could that be the fellow who had sent me the threat ? I felt my face turn several shades of grey , as I sat there thinking about the threatening note . " Okay , Annie , tell me what has happened to you . What were you just thinking about ? You 're looking kind of sick , all of a sudden . Did you eat something that didn 't agree with you while ago at that greasy spoon ? " " Uh . . . yeah . . . that could be it . . . yeah , yeah . I think maybe we need to leave , so I can get back to the Mission and rest . Maybe I could sit in Pastor Joe 's office and rest a while . " Come on , Clancy . Let 's go , little buddy . " I grabbed my cart and Clancy 's leash and stood up while the Lieutenant left some money on the booth table for the waitress . As we passed the bar , the bartender called me over and handed me a piece of paper . Uh oh ! Another threatening note ? " What was that he gave you ? " questioned the Looie . " Let me see that , please ! " Reluctantly , I handed it over to him . Opening it gently , he unfolded it carefully . " Been swiming latly ? Rember , I told ya . It kin be dedly . " he read aloud . " What is this , AnnaBelle ? What is it ? What does it mean ? " I looked at it as he held it out , but not letting me touch it again , I replied , " Well , for one thing , it means he can 't spell fer beans . Another thing , it is the mate to another note I got while I was in the greasy spoon diner . I reckon maybe I am steppin ' on somebody 's toes . " " Oh , and you weren 't going to tell me about the other note , I suppose ? Where is it ? At least I can have them both fingerprinted . Maybe the fingerprints are in the system . " I handed the other note over to him and he put them both in a a little plastic bag , then into his pocket . " Let 's get out of here ; we 're drawing attention that we don 't need , " stated the Lieutenant . " My car is over here across the street . You and Clancy get in , please , and I 'll put your cart in beside you . We need to take a little trip down to the station house . " When we got to the station , the Looie helped me out of the car and we walked up the steps and into the building . The sergeant at the desk , observing our progress , quipped , " Oh , oh . . . Lieutenant , are you bringing in Public Enemy No . One ? Has she been out running over old people with her cart ? " " Yeah , I gotta take her back here and give her a going over with a rubber hose and put her under the bright lights . She 's been giving me all kinds of back talk , " the Looie joked . At least , I hoped he was joking . Nah , I knew he was , actually . We made our way back to what I knew was the " booking section " of the station house . I had been in and out of this place enough to know something about the way it was set up . Lt . Mike Shannon took me back to a desk and took out a black ink pad , with orders to me to give him my hand , which I did . He then proceeded to take my fingerprints . " Now , you go clean your hands , Nancy Drew , and then come back in here . We have some more talking to do . " Hmmm . Maybe he was going to shine the " third degree " lights on me . Did they even do that any more ? While I was in the restroom , I used the facilities , and then washed my hands . Looking at my reflection in the mirror , I noticed that I was looking a little grungy and fluffed my hair with my fingers , and washed my face with some paper towels . When I got back to the booking area , Mike took me to one of the rooms that had the two way mirror . Oh NO ! I was in an interview room and he was going to question me ! Was he going to book me , too ? " Can I bring Clancy back here with me ? He gets nervous when he 's not with me . " " Okay , sure . Here , boy , stay with AnnaBelle . " He whistled for Clancy to come in . He indicated one of the chairs at the table and then placed a tablet and pen in front of me . He was going to take my statement ? I couldn 't believe it ! I was being interviewed like a common criminal ! Then what ? " Okay , start talking , Ms . AnnaBelle Chasteen . " He turned on a small tape recorder and said , " For the record , please state your name , then tell me everything that has happened today . Please don 't leave anything out of your statement . " I started talking , and told him everything I had done that day , and tried not to leave anything out . Was he going to arrest me for interfering in police business ? What was going to happen to me ? Posted by Blogs are so much fun ! 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Yesterday , I was sitting in my living room , working on a quilt , when the doorbell rang . You know , when you are expecting someone to visit , you almost always know it will be them at your front door . However , when I opened the door to a stranger , my surprise must have shown on my face ( unfortunately , what I am thinking almost always registers on my face ) . Looking at the man , I took in his unkempt appearance , and I 'm sure he could see my reaction clearly . I looked then at the contents of his hands . He was holding two of the ugliest Christmas decorations I have ever laid my eyes on . To describe them : they were two sections of wood about eight inches in length , that had been cut from the kind of timbers one puts around flower beds . You know , the kind that is flat on two sides and rounded on the other two sides . A hole had been cut about an inch and a half into the center of the wood . The hole held a small candle , and the one side of the wood had a painted with tempera paint decoration . He then proceeded to tell me that he couldn 't find work , and that he was a convict and wanted to buy his children some presents and was selling those decorative candle holders for ten dollars each . While he was talking , I noticed he had a tattoo on one of his arms that said " Rattlers " . He was wearing a white tee shirt and wrinkled blue jeans . He also had one of those badges that attaches to the wearer 's clothing that stated his name and that he had a permit from the city of Bedford ( where I live ) to sell his goods . We talked about the tragedies that had taken place recently and ( I was the one who brought them up , not he ) I told him I would take both of the things he was selling , and asked him to wait right there . He was still outside the house , of course . Within a minute or so , I was back with twenty dollars and handed it to him . His response was a hearty thank you , and then he said , " ma ' am , are you sure you can afford this ? " I said , " Yes " . Then he said , " Last chance to change your mind , ma ' am . " I think he believed I really couldn 't afford it , because I was wearing my old red dress that has seen better days . I assured him that I wanted him to have it , and told him I would be praying for him and his family . He thanked me again , and said he was glad I would be praying for him . I sent him off with a " God bless you . " After he left , I had many thoughts about him , wondering about his situation . Did I do the right thing ? I don 't know . . . All I know is that perhaps I had a visit from Jesus seeking help . I couldn 't turn him away . Posted by Good morning to you , my friends and family . I am taking a break from my fictional scribblings today to wish my first - born , Carol Deanna Grey Bennett , a happy birthday . It is a big one for her since she will be turning a zero at the end of the number . I 'm not saying what number is in front , for that is for her to say if she wishes . Carol is a very busy woman , very much taken up with family and friends , doing , always doing for others . She is loving and giving , caring and beautiful . We are so blessed to have her in our lives . We will be celebrating her birthday at her and Daryl 's home this evening , with most of her family . This is a photo taken last year when our family from Alabama came in to spend Christmas with us . Teresa is my dear youngest daughter . We had a really great time then . But then , we always have great times together . Happy Birthday , Carol ! I love you ! Posted by Soon we were in the air , flying over the woods where I had been lost while looking for a safe haven . That is one place I sure was glad to be out of , but I was still very much worried about my friend , Lucy Mae . I knew that she would soon be out of a job that she hadn 't even begun working at yet . She was to begin on Monday , and it was very late Friday night . What a mess ! I couldn 't even visit her , because if I did , the security guard would see me , and know that the jig was up , that I had somehow escaped being killed by Hank and his boys . I didn 't dare go to try to warn her , but I knew someone who could . The noise inside the helicopter made it useless to try to carry on a conversation , but as soon as it landed at the hospital , I was helped off the plane and told the Looie I had an idea . " Oh , really ? Another bright idea , like investigating Hank and his boys ? " Soon , I was on a gurney , back in the emergency room , being checked over by a handsome young intern . It made it kind of nice being looked at by such a good - looking fellow . I smiled at him , and asked him how long he had been working at the hospital . He just said , " Lie still , ma ' am , I need to wheel you back to x - ray and see if you have any injury to your brain . " Uh - oh ! Not a very talkative young man , I thought to myself . Wonder what his problem is ? So , I lay still , but kept talking ; cause after all , you don 't have to move your head to talk . " So , has it been a long night for you , young man ? You seem to be in a bit of a bad mood . Anything you 'd like to share with me ? I 'm a good listener , ya know . " My friends know that I never see a stranger , and am always ready to talk to anyone I see . Then he smiled at me and said , " Sorry , ma ' am . There was a bomb went off tonight and several victims were brought in . I just finished working on some of them that made it , and it wasn 't a pretty sight . I 've been working in medicine for some time , but those were the first people I 've seen in such a condition . " " Bless your heart , honey , " I replied , not knowing what else to say . It just proves you never know what someone else is going through when you see no smiles on their faces in reply to your smile . I patted his hand in understanding . Well , he took me back to x - ray and waited while the technician did his stuff , and then brought me back out to the emergency room . Then he examined my arms and legs and told the nurse to clean the scratches and apply some ointment to them . By the time she was through , he had my x - rays and examined them . He pronounced me okay and told me I could leave . Going back out into the waiting room , I found Lieutenant Shannon , Jack , and my little Clancy . I told the Lieutenant about my idea . 8888888 " Well , you know , her son could be needing her , because of maybe a supposed accident while moving away , perhaps in his drive to the town where his wife is in prison , and he could need her help in looking after the children . Now , you know that pastors can have unsuspected entry into almost any place . What if we got Pastor Joe to go to the Kindergarten with news that her son needed her immediately , and she could leave without any suspicion that it was bogus . We could have him tell her as though it were true , and then when he got her out , we could tell her the truth . That would make it realistic enough that she would be all flustered and in a hurry to leave . Since they don 't know anything about Hank and his boys being captured , it should work . " " I believe it would , AnnieBee , I believe it would . Like I said before , I 'm glad you 're on the side of the law ! You have a sneaky way of thinking and planning . " I turned to Jack , and hugged him again . " Jack , you have got to lay low for a few days , too . We don 't want anybody that was associated with Hank and his boys asking you any questions that you don 't have an answer to . I guess maybe that will give you a chance to spend some time with your girl , Lily , eh ? I keep tryin ' to remember where I 've heard her name before . . . hmmm , it 'll come to me , I 'm sure . " Jack colored up when I mentioned Lily to him ; he blushed clear to the roots of his hair above his forehead . ' Ah , young love ' , I thought , ' there 's nothing like it . ' Turning back to the Looie , I asked if they had searched the premises of the Auto Shop and gotten the books Hank was keeping and the files in the cabinets . He replied that they had all of it in custody and the District Attorney was most likely using them as we spoke to build a case against Hank and his sons . It seems they had been using the premises as a chop shop as well as a drug operation . He and Jack had been talking about it while I was back in the emergency room . " Say , how come you knew anything about the operation to begin with ? What put you on to it ? " I wanted to know . we had planned . Jack called us when the delivery was moved up to eleven , but couldn 't when the security guard came earlier than eleven . Sorry we missed it , and you all had to go through that harrowing experience . " " Well , I 'm sure glad you all were on top of it as well as you were . It sure made me appreciate my life even more when I thought I was a goner . Now , about Lucy , can we get her out of there today sometime , since today is Saturday already . Or maybe Sunday afternoon would be better . That would certainly make more sense . Then it would be closer to the time that you would see deliveries of the drugs taking place . " I was making plans like I was the one in charge . Ha ! Miss Busybody , you just let me take care of the details . You know you can trust me to do what needs to be done . Speaking of laying low , you might want to do just that . No walking around anywhere even close to the Sunny Bright Kindergarten . You would most surely be recognized , and I 'm sure that by now , the Principal there knows about your part in the whole matter . " Well , I certainly did not want Lucy to be harmed , and I guess I needed to trust the Looie to take good care of her ; but it was going to be difficult for me to not have a hand in it . " Come on , now , AnnaBelle and Jack , let 's be going . I 'm going to take you back to the station house with me . I need to get your statements while they are still fresh in your minds . Then we can find a place that is open early for breakfast and I 'll treat you all to a meal . How about that ? Is that agreeable ? I know I could sure use some food . How about it , Clancy , old fellow ? You all must be tired after all that walking . " I must admit that all sounded good to me ! I was bone - tired and weary , but still had plans running through my head . . It was only a short ride to the station house and as we went up the steps , I could hardly place one foot in front of the other . After all I had been through , that was just about all I could do . The Looie took my elbow to help me up the steps and into the station . I felt like an old lady for the first time ever . Well , that wouldn 't last very long - all I needed was a good night 's rest . Inside , we went up to the second floor where the policemen did their actual paperwork , and it was just about deserted . Jack had picked up Clancy and was carrying him , because my little dog was just about as tired as I was . His little ears were drooping and his tongue was hanging out , so Jack stopped at the break room and got him some water to drink . There was also a stale doughnut and Jack gave that to Clancy as well . Then they came on into the Lieutenant 's office . I had taken my bathroom break at the hospital , and believe me , I had needed one . I sat down at the desk and the Looie turned on a tape machine so that I could relate everything that had happened the evening before . Then he asked me questions in order to clarify any misunderstandings that anyone could have about my experiences . Then it was Jack 's turn to tell his story . I listened in awe to his statement . It seems he had been working with an undercover policeman to whom he had been feeding information about his Uncle Hank 's operation of the chop shop and drug scheme . Hank 's boys would steal cars and bring them into the auto shop at night . Some of them they would take apart , and sell the parts ; others they would ship to Mexico without doing anything with them . Sometimes , cars in Mexico belonging to tourists would be stolen and shipped to Hank and they would have huge shipments of drugs in them . These cars would then be chopped and sent to dealers looking for those specific parts . It seems that the police had already had an idea that Hank 's auto shop was involved in these illicit operations . With Jack in a good position to find out , an undercover cop , knowing Jack had an excellent honest reputation , contacted little bit of convincing , but Jack told Hank that he needed to earn some money because he had a girl friend and wanted to impress her . Then it dawned on me as to the identity of the undercover cop ! So I asked the question . " Say ! Could it be ? Is Zeb an undercover policeman ? Is that why he seems to be everywhere , slinking around , looking like he doesn 't want to be noticed ? " Lieutenant Shannon grinned as big as a possum eating persimmons . " Why do you ask that , AnnaBelle ? Didn 't I tell you that he is always into some kind of trouble , and has to be brought into the station to be questioned ? You do have some crazy notions , doesn 't she , Jack ? Zeb is just another street person like yourself , AnnaBelle . If he were an undercover man , do you think I could tell you ? Then he wouldn 't be undercover any more , would he ? Just get that idea out of your head , my dear inquisitive lady ! " Well , I was certainly entitled to have my own ideas , and I was going to do some investigations into that one . The Lieutenant gave the statements to someone who was working late to get them printed up , and within a short time we were signing them . Then we were on our way to breakfast . We went to an all - night diner that seemed to be frequented by policemen . so I knew the food was probably like what you would find in a greasy spoon . The waitress certainly knew the Looie , from the way she smiled at him . She looked tired as she asked for our drink orders , so apparently she had been working all night . I had no sooner ordered than I said , " I think I 'll just rest my head a few minutes . " Laying my head on my arms , I immediately went to sleep and missed the next thing that happened . I had noticed when we entered the diner that it was almost empty . There was just one other customer in the place . It was just kind of a " hole in the wall " place and had one of those counters that had the round stools , so we had sat down at them . While I sat there with my head on the counter , the Looie ( who , by the way , was in plain clothes , not wearing a uniform anymore except to important functions like official funerals ) and Jack had gone to the rest room while we waited for food . I was awakened suddenly by an arm around my neck . Someone was standing behind me and had pulled me to my feet . He spoke quietly in my ear , " Okay , lady , behave yourself and nobody 's gonna get hurt . " I could feel what seemed to be the barrel of a gun pressed to the back of my head . Uh Oh ! Now , what ? In my periferal vision ( I couldn 't turn my head ) , I saw the Looie and Jack returning . It didn 't take them long to get the lay of the land , so to speak , and they saw I was in real trouble . ( Why did trouble seem to dog my steps ? ) Speaking of dogs , I looked down at Clancy , and told him to be still . I didn 't want him shot or hurt in any way . " Okay , lady , shut up if you want to get out of this alive ! " he whispered to me . Then he barked at the man behind the counter . " Give me all the money in your register and don 't make any sudden moves or the old lady here gets it in the back of the head . Everybody else sit down , and don 't be gettin ' any funny ideas about callin ' the police . " I tried to get the Looie 's attention and raised my eyebrows . I saw he was looking at me intently , trying to figure out what I was intending on doing . He slightly shook his head at me , telling me not to do anything , but I was tired of being the victim and decided that was a thing of the past . " No More " I said to myself , and elbowed the man in his gut , causing him to let go of my neck . I knew then that the Looie would have a clean shot , because I dropped and rolled away from the hoodlum . Sure enough , Lieutenant Shannon had his revolver out and within seconds had the guy on the floor . I happened to look over at the other customer who had his cell phone out and was taking my picture as I sat up . Then he ran over to me . " Hey , Lady ! That 's one of the bravest things I 've ever seen ! I 'm a reporter for the Daily News ! I need your name for my story , please ? " Oh , my goodness ! I didn 't need my picture and name plastered all over the daily newspaper ! It would put Lucy in jeopardy , before we could get the place raided . The crooks ( the security guard and Ms . Wilson ) would put two and two together and Lucy 's goose would be cooked . I looked over at the Looie , and told the reporter to please wait for just a few minutes . I ran over to the Looie and told him the guy who had just taken my picture was a reporter and wanted to run the story about my bravery . " Well , we 'll just see about that , " replied the Looie . Going over to the reporter who was on his cell phone , clicking away with the camera , the Lieutenant politely reached over and turned off the cell phone and confiscated it . " Listen , buddy , " he stated . " We have a situation here that we need to talk about . How would you like an exclusive ? If you agree to hold off on your story , I promise you a much bigger one that will sell more papers than you ever dreamed of . " " Okay , then , a television exclusive is what you will have if you will just hold off ! This little set - to here is nothing compared to what you could have , besides which , you will be saving two little old ladies ' lives if you will just wait . How about it ? " The Lieutenant was using his hundred watt persuasion on this little dude . " Well , I gotta hear more about this so - called great story before I agree . Can you tell me a little more ? Can somebody , anybody , tell me a little more ? " " Okay , this little lady right here can give you the scoop if you will promise to hold off till I get things set up for the final part of the story , " the Looie said , indicating me . " Then , if you will promise to keep out of the way , I will let you be there when we close down the operation . Is it a deal ? " " Sure , sure ! Wow ! I 'm finally going to get an exclusive ! " The young man was jumping around like a grasshopper among a bunch of live coals . Other customers were beginning to come into the diner , because the streaks of dawn were beginning to show over the rooftops . " Let 's all get out of here , " said Jack and the Lieutenant , simultaneously . The Lieutenant had cuffed the perpetrator and soon had him into the back of his unmarked car . Jack got in next to him , holding Clancy , and the reporter and I got into the front passenger side of the auto . As the Lieutenant drove , I began talking to the reporter . " What is your name , young man ? Before I begin tellin ' a story for the news , I want to know who I 'm a talkin ' to ! " " My name is John Dover , ma ' am . I think I know you ! Aren 't you the lady that helped nab a murderer several months ago ? And nearly got killed in the process ? " " Howdy , John . I 'm right pleased to meetcha ! Yep , I reckon that was me , all right . Seems like trouble jist kinda navigates itself towards me , don 't cha know ? " minded his recording me as I told the story . I looked over at the Lieutenant and lifted my eyebrows . The Looie replied that he reckoned that would be okay . The young man asked several pertinent questions , very intelligently , as I told him the story of my capture and of the chase . He looked at me admiringly , as if wondering how an old lady could outwit the criminals as I had done . Well , as I had almost done , that is . We arrived at the station house and went in . I was so very tired , I could hardly move , and it seemed every muscle in my body was screaming for relief . We had a job ahead of us , though . We had to get Lucy out of that place before it was raided and for that we needed Pastor Joe . So much had happened in the last couple of days since she had gone to work there , and now she was in danger . It was all my fault . I felt like kicking myself , but then , maybe the ordeal I had just been through had served as that self - kicking . I looked at the young man , John Dover , and saw he was talking on his " Smart Phone " a mile a minute . What was he doing ? Who was he talking to ? Oh , well , I guess he had to check in every so often . with his men . I reminded him about Lucy and getting Pastor Joe to come and get her out of the Kindergarten . He shook his head yes , and just before I drifted off to sleep , I thought I saw the Weasel in the hallway . " Hmmm , he must be in trouble again , " I thought to myself . Clancy settled himself in my lap . I must have not been asleep more than ten minutes when I awoke to the shouts from the hallway . " Hey , Lieutenant , Ya gotta see this ! " One of his men was running up the steps to his office , shouting to him . then , I saw Pastor Joe come through the hallway , looking like he had seen a ghost . He was looking in every door . When he saw me , he ran into the room . " AnnaBelle ! Are you okay ? When I saw you on television , I could hardly wait to get here . " at him as though he had two heads , I replied , " What are you talkin ' about ? What am I doin ' on TV ? What in tarnation are you sayin ' ? " Why , the way you elbowed that guy that was trying to rob the diner ! That 's what I 'm talking about ! It 's all over the early morning news . They broadcast it live from the diner , and apparently , it 's being rebroadcast every fifteen minutes in news recaps . They keep saying , ' more news to come ' . " Forgetting about my aches and pains , I jumped up from the chair where I had been resting and ran into the Looie 's office . I know my face must have been white as the proverbial sheet as I quickly made my way in . When I got in there , several of the men , including Zeb and the Looie were standing in rapt attention watching the news on the television receiver that was in his office . " Looie ! What are we going to do ? What if the security guard at the Kindergarten has seen this ? Lucy is going to be in all kinds of danger ! " " Now , now ! Don 't worry , AnnaBelle ! Everything has been taken care of . The DEA swat team is raiding the place , even as we speak . They went around to the back so they could get Lucy out quietly before they busted into the front , to catch the security guard . I 'm sure she is okay . Just a minute , something is being said to me , right now . " He put his finger up to the miniature gadget in his ear , then his face turned as white as mine had been , and the reassuring smile that had been on his face slowly disappeared as though an eraser was passing across it . " Well , it seems there has been some kind of glitch in their plans , but they assure me everything is going to be okay . They weren 't able to get Lucy out yet . But they do have the place surrounded , and are quite sure that they will get them . Now , don 't you worry , AnnieBee . Those drug enforcement guys are good ; they are real professionals , and they 'll come through for us . " I looked around for the reporter ; he had some questions to answer to and I wanted to know why he had gone against his promise . I also wanted to know how much more he had told his people at the station , if anything . Just then , I heard a familiar voice coming from the television receiver . " Good morning , folks ! This is Tanya Jane Harlow , coming to you from in front of the Sunny Bright Kindergarten . I am standing here with a SWAT team from the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency . Apparently they are preparing to raid the kindergarten . According to unnamed sources , they believe the owner to be part of a drug ring operation . Also , according to our sources , the security guard who lives and works here is a major player in this so - called drug operation . " Turning to the man in charge , she asked , " Can you tell me what you all have done so far , Lieutenant ? I was told that you were already raiding the place . What is the holdup ? What about the lady who lives in the back , Ms . Lucy Wilkins ? Wait a minute , is that the same Lucy Wilkins who is the mother of the man who ran for city commissioner ? Is she involved in the drug ring ? " on that John Dover ! Where was he ? But wait ! I couldn 't leave the television set until I knew how this was all going to play out . Why was the SWAT team waiting . . . what were they waiting for ? As we watched , we saw the bright lights from a helicopter that had just appeared on the scene . It was a news helicopter from a nearby large city network affiliate of our local television station . Apparently , the news had gone national from our little podunk station . Now what ? ? ? Just then , the door to the Kindergarten opened , and Mrs . Wilson stepped out , dressed elegantly , and Lucy stood beside her , looking bewildered about all that was going on . Lucy , however , was wearing her housecoat , and slippers , like she had just gotten out of bed minutes before . " Gentlemen ! To what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your early morning company ? Why have you surrounded my home bearing arms and wearing protective gear ? Are you looking to be attacked by little old me ? I 'm afraid I haven 't prepared breakfast yet , or I would invite you in for coffee . Now , what can I do for you ? " Mrs . Wilson was the soul of kindness to the SWAT team , but I noticed she did not welcome them inside the building . Tanya Jane stepped forward to speak to Mrs . Wilson . " Good morning to you , Mrs . Wilson . I 'm Tanya Jane Harlow , with the our local television station , WTLK , and we have been informed that your security guard is involved in a local drug operation . What can you tell us about that ? " Tanya then stuck the microphone into Mrs . Wilson 's face . " I can tell you that it is not really any of your business , young woman ! However , just for the record , I fired him last evening for insubordination . He left before his evening shift was over , and I do not like employees leaving during working hours . I will not keep anyone who shirks his duties in my employ . Right now , I have no idea where he is , and I don 't care . As for his being involved in a drug ring , that is not in my knowledge . It wouldn 't surprise me , though , since he is a former street person . As you may know , not all of them are trustworthy . I believe in giving people a chance , and if they mess up , then they are back out on the streets . Now , gentlemen , apparently you had ideas about coming in . . . do you have a search warrant ? " The SWAT team leader produced a search warrant that had apparently just been delivered to him . He handed it to Mrs . Wilson , and she stepped back , allowing him and his men into the building . I saw Lucy step to one side , as well , her eyes as big as saucers , and hugging her housecoat to her chest . The door was closed in Tanya Jane 's face and she turned to the cameras , beginning her running comments again . " Well , ladies and gentlemen , there you have it . We will wait outside the kindergarten to see what happens and to see if they carry out anything . In the meantime , we don 't have the name of the security guard in question . We are not sure exactly of the hours he is supposed to work , either . Rest assured that it won 't be long until we have that information in hand . Perhaps we can interview Ms . Wilkins when she is available . She can probably provide some news to us . Stay tuned . " Tanya Jane seemed to be out of ammunition at the moment . Turning to Lieutenant Shannon , I asked , " How did such a snafu take place ? What happened ? Why hadn 't they already gone in ? What were they waiting for ? " " Well , AnnaBee , apparently they were late getting the search warrant . They had to wake up a judge to get it signed , and he was reluctant because Mrs . Wilson is a big contributor to some of the charities he promotes . They had to do some big talking to get his approval . Now we 'll just have to wait and see if they find any evidence of drugs inside . " I began looking around again for John Dover . Of course , I didn 't find him . He was gone , but you can believe he wouldn 't get any more information from this source ! Now , with the guard missing , I was still in danger , along with Jack . The guard knew we could identify him . Gazing around the room , I saw that we were in a wait - and - see mode . The men that had gathered here were now kind of lounging around , almost all of them had a cup of coffee in their hands . It had been about fifteen minutes since any news from the SWAT team had been televised . Of course , by now , we could see bystanders had begun to show up onscreen . Tanya Jane was talking to them and getting their opinions . It didn 't matter to her whether they had anything important to say . She was very talented at getting people to respond to her questions . It was said that she could get answers from a fence post if she had enough time . Another ten minutes and the team emerged from the building , empty handed , except for a gun they had found in Mrs . Wilson 's night stand . The lady stood at the door with a smile on her face , and said , " Come back any time , fellows . If you 'll call ahead I 'll be sure to have coffee and doughnuts waiting for you . " Then she turned to the news crews and remarked , " Sorry , you all , I just have nothing for you this morning . Please take care not to trample the flowers on your way out . " Then she closed the door quietly . Tanya Jane , not being the type to give up , spoke to the leader of the SWAT team , and asked about the gun . . " had it been fired lately . . . did it have any cartridges missing . . . did she say why she had it . . . did she have a permit for it . . . " and so on . The reporter with the out of town team also had questions for them , such as , " where do you think the guard is . . . do you think she really fired him . . . do you think she is really connected to the drugs . . . why didn 't you bring the sniffing drug dogs with you . . . do you have any of them . . " All the answers were , of course , in the negative . . . no response mostly . It seemed as though there was a lot the DEA team didn 't know , and I would need to find out , somehow , if possible . Now that Lucy was aware of the problems in which she was now involved , I wondered what I could do to help her . Should I press her to get out ? I knew I needed to visit her , now that the guard had disappeared and I was free to go there . I looked again around the Looie 's office . Although it was a fairly large office , it was really crowded talk to Pastor Joe , who was still there talking with Zeb . When they saw me head toward them , they stopped talking and Zeb tipped his hat and was on his way out of the room . It made me wonder again just what he was doing there ; he was always turning up at the most unexpected times . Clancy was curled up in the corner . All the excitement had taken its toll and he was tired . Smart dog ! He was doing what I needed to be , but I was just too wound up . Ideas were running through my head a mile a minute , and I had questions that needed answers . Jack had disappeared as well . Now where did he go ? Going over to speak to Pastor Joe , I decided to ask him if he knew anything about Zeb , since he had been talking to him . " Hey , Pastor Joe , I 'm sure glad to see you . We were thinkin ' about comin ' to see you to get Lucy out of that Kindergarten place , but now it seems like we won 't be needin ' to . There is somethin ' else I 'd like to ask you , though . " " Hello , again , AnnaBee ! I 'm mighty glad to see you 're okay . Tell me about what all you 've been up to last night . I hear you 've been on a wild goose chase , but that you were the goose being chased . Is that right ? " " Well , yeah , you could say I was the Snipe in a Snipe hunt , so to speak . Bein ' chased by people with guns intendin ' to shoot me was sure an experience I wouldn 't want to happen again . But who told you about it ? " " I really don 't much like that expression ' neck of the woods ' much anymore . Anyway , I wanted to ask you about Zeb , and what you know about him . He seems like a mystery to me . He is always around , he 's very polite , but sometimes it seems as though he is following me . What can you tell me about him ? " " He 's just another street person , like yourself , I believe . I think he may have had a difficult life in earlier years . Why don 't you ask him , yourself ? I 'm sure he 'd be glad to talk to you . As for his following you , perhaps , since he seems to be living on the streets , maybe he 's just going the same way as you . I do know that he knows the Lieutenant and some of the other men stationed here , but I 'm not sure in what capacity . " " Nah , nah ! I 'm not that interested in him , to be talkin ' to him . Maybe sometime , I don 't know . Listen , do you know where Jack has gotten to ? I wonder if he is going to try to open his Uncle 's auto shop , or if it has been closed down for good . I really need to talk to that young man . " My mind was still going a mile a minute . " AnnaBelle . . . er . . . Ms . Chasteen . . I know my name is probably mud right now , but I just wanted you to know I 'm sorry about that whole snafu that took place this morning . I didn 't realize the importance of keeping that earlier story quiet , because I was sending the story of the robbery as it was happening . Then when I heard the rest of what you were involved in , I knew my boss would fire me if I didn 't get it . I just got married a little over a year ago , and I have a new baby . I can 't afford to get fired , don 't you see ? " John Dover was pleading with me to forgive him . " I see , all right ! I see you don 't have any ethics for keeping your word . Young man , if you are going to be in the news business , you need to rethink your morals ! Your thoughtlessness could have cost people their lives early this morning . The police may have lost their chance to break up a drug ring , and my good friend , Lucy , could be dead by now , just because you had to run a story . The people don 't always have a right to know , if others ' lives are in danger because of it ! " I must admit , I was boiling mad . " I believe the Lieutenant will want to have a little chat with you , too . " quite often get very emotional when I 'm angry ) , I looked again for Jack . Then I saw him over in the corner , talking on the phone . He was gesticulating and smiling . Ahhh ! Lily . . . He must be talking to his girl friend . I edged a little closer . . . not exactly eavesdropping , you understand , but I did need to know a little more about them . . like were they getting really serious about one another . I 'll see you later today . We can have lunch together at our usual place . Sure . . . . me , too . Bye . " Jack turned around and saw me sitting in a chair and inspecting my fingernails . " Boy , I didn 't realize how dirty my fingernails got while I was scrabbling around outside that cave . Just look at them ! " I held them up for him to view . Jack just smiled at me , " Curiousity killed the cat , don 't you know ? " " Well , maybe I just wanted to know how you are feelin ' right now . That was a terrible thing you went through , too , thinkin ' that I was goin ' to be killed . We have been friends for a long time , and I wasn 't sure which side you were on , either , but I just couldn 't believe you 'd shoot me . I kept hopin ' you 'd take ' em out somehow . " I got up and went over to hug him again . Jack and I went over to the Lieutenant and told him we needed to be leaving if he didn 't need us any more . " Listen , you two , you are both in very real danger until we catch that security guard . You two are the only ones that can identify him , except for Lucy and Ms . Wilson . Ms . Wilson is not talking , and I don 't really want to question Lucy right now . We have to make Mrs . Wilson think she is in the clear . I am going to assign two men to keep their eyes on you two . You won 't see them , but they will both know where you are and what you are doing . Now , why don 't you all ride back to the Mission with Pastor Joe . Don 't forget Clancy over there in the corner . Oh , yes , AnnaBelle , see if you can keep your nose clean and out of my business for awhile . " This last was said with a smile . It seems the Looie knew how difficult it was for me to mind my own business . Ha ! As if I would . I looked over at Clancy and realized he was curled up next to my pushcart . When they had found my cart near the auto shop building , they must have put it into the trunk of the squad car . I gathered my stuff and followed Jack and Pastor Joe down the stairs to the first floor , with Clancy trotting along beside me . The little fellow had more rest than I but he still didn 't seem to have all his energy back yet . I picked him up and carried him ; he looked up at me gratefully and licked my face . Poor baby ! He had been through a lot the night before as well as I had . There was little conversation as we rode back to the Mission in Pastor Joe 's old green Chevvy . We each seemed to be lost in our own thoughts . Then Joe turned to me and asked , " What in the world were you thinking to go messing around that auto shop after dark when supposedly no one else was there ? " Uh oh ! He was letting me have it with both barrels , and I had no defense . " Yeah , AnnaBee ! What were you thinkin ' ? " Jack asked from the back seat . " Do you know or have any idea how worried I was when I saw you layin ' there on the ground outside after you fell off that stupid dumpster ? I knew I couldn 't do much to protect you from my uncle and cousins . How could you ? " Well , I just puffed up self - righteously and crossed my arms defensively against the double barrage of their attack , as though they were in the wrong and I was in the right . " I had to know , is why I did it . I thought I could get inside with no one the wiser , and then when I saw the light comin ' through the bay doors , I had to know what was goin ' on . If I hadn 't forgot that I was on the dumpster , I could have gotten away . Then you would never have known I was there . " The tears began to flow from my eyes in a slow stream , and then I put my face in my hands and cried . That verbal assault from my friends after all I had gone through the night before was just too much . Clancy began licking at my face through my fingers , and Jack reached up between the front seats and patted my shoulder , apologizing , but still standing his ground that I shouldn 't have snooped around . Pastor Joe , like most men , just was not sure what to do , so he kept silent . Pretty soon , I wiped my eyes and said , " I 'm okay , and I forgive you all for jumping on me with both feet . Maybe , just maybe , I deserved it , but I would probably do it again , and be more careful the next time . " " We know , AnnieBee , we know . A tiger can 't change it 's stripes any more than you will ever change . We love you anyway . " This came from Pastor Joe . " Now , when we get to the Mission , let 's have some breakfast . WTLK 's news van waiting in the street , apparently to catch us before we went into the Mission . I told Pastor Joe to please keep driving and to go around to the back . Maybe we could avoid talking with Tanya Jane , ' cause I knew she would be the one waiting for us . That girl loved to lie in wait , like a cat waiting to spring on unsuspecting victims . Well , I intended this to be one time she missed . At least until Jack and I got some rest . Little Clancy , sitting in my lap , growled . He knew I was upset . I scooted down in my seat to get out of sight . Pastor Joe went on around the block and parked behind the Mission , and we climbed wearily out of the vehicle and went in through the back door , through the kitchen . " Ah ! " I said to myself . " We 've outsmarted that little vixen ! " We went through the kitchen into the dining room , and found ourselves face to face with her ; where she sat at one of the tables , watching the front door and surrounding areas . I knew when I saw her that it was no use . " Ah , ladies and gentlemen of our viewing audience . Here is the heroine of the day ! AnnaBelle Chasteen , come over here and tell us all about your bravery , not once , but twice , during the past twenty - four hours ! You are one of the bravest ladies I have ever interviewed . I could hardly wait to speak with you ! " " Sorry , Tanya Jane . . . it 's just too fresh in my mind and I am so very tired and hungry . I haven 't eaten since sometime yesterday and , as you said , I 've been through some traumatic experiences over the past twenty four hours . I really need to have some breakfast and rest for awhile . I 'm just not up to an interview right now . " I gave her as pitiable a look as I possibly could . " Well , while it is fresh in your mind is a good time to do the interview . I won 't keep you long . Isn 't it true that you were captured by men who then chased you through the woods as though you were an animal being hunted , and used your own little dog to find you ? Oh , is this sweet looking little dog the one ? " When she reached down to pet him , Clancy growled at her and snapped his jaws . She pulled her hand back quickly . I patted Clancy on the head and felt like kissing him . He could sense my animosity toward her , I guess . Tanya Jane backed up as though he were a snake getting ready to strike her . " Well , I guess we 'll let you get some rest right now and some breakfast , " quipped Tanya Jane . She then turned to Jack and began quizzing him . I turned back to Tanya Jane and told her to keep her questions to herself . " Jack is an honest young man who found himself in a predicament , not of his own making , and he deserves to be commended instead of castigated . Now , please leave us alone ! " Clancy barked at her , and she backed up again . " Well , folks , I guess they really do need to get their breakfast and rest . More later . This is Tanya Jane Harlow , returning you to the station . " Turning to her camera man , she turned off her microphone and said , " That 's a wrap . Let 's get out of this place . It smells in here ! " The rest of the day passed by quietly . I stayed awake as long as I could and waited until the proper time to go to sleep . Then I claimed one of the beds in the Mission shelter , with Clancy snuggled under the bed and we both slept . My sleep was littered with dreams filled with being chased through the woods and being shot down by Jack . I awakened in the middle of the night , shouting . The people around me were shushing me and telling me to either be quiet or get out . Tendering my apologies to them , I lay back down , covered up and turned over , drifting back to sleep . The next few days , I kept on the lookout for the security guard , expecting him to turn up trying to do away with me . I never saw him and was beginning to feel safe again . Although the Looie had said he was assigning someone to keep watch over me , I never saw them either . Was I losing my touch ? About the third day after I was rescued , I decided to go over to the kindergarten to visit with Lucy Mae . I was feeling pretty chipper by then , and felt the need to see my friend and ask her how the recent events had affected her , if any . I needed to see how she was doing , don 't cha know ? As I left the Mission after breakfast that morning , I saw Jack come jogging up . He was loping along at an easy pace , with the sweat dripping from his nose , wiping his face with a small hand towel . When he saw me , he slowed down and walked over to me . " Hey , AnnaBee , good morning ! Have you already had breakfast ? Why don 't you come in and sit with me if you have , so we can talk . " " Well , sure , Jack ! I reckon maybe I could drink another cup of coffee with you . We haven 't had a chance to really talk since everything that happened to us last weekend . " As we turned to go back into the Mission , I noticed a man coming down the street whose face was red as a beet , and who looked like he had been dragged through a knothole . He seemed to be limping along as though his feet were hurting . " Jack , don 't be obvious , but look at that man back there , coming toward the Mission . He looks like he 's in pain . " Jack gave me a smile and said , " He 's my shadow . I 've been doin ' my five mile run and he 's apparently a little out of shape . Poor guy . " I raised my eyebrows , leaned back a bit and looked at Jack . " So that 's what has slimmed you down lately ! I should have known or guessed somethin ' like that . I reckon I 've just been too preoccupied with other stuff to figure it out . " Looking down at Clancy , who of course was my shadow always , I said , " Come on , little feller , let 's head back indoors . " As we entered the door , we saw Zeb on his way out of the Mission . He nodded to Jack and tipped his hat to me , then went on his way down to the street . Jack said , " Why don 't you get us a seat and I 'll bring your coffee when I get my breakfast tray . I have some things I need to discuss with you . " away because I changed foster homes ; and then she moved away , too . She just moved back to our town a short time ago . I saw her one day at the supermarket . She recognized me first , and spoke to me . That was the beginning of our re - acquaintance . " to say I was floored would be an understatement . I jumped up and ran around to Jack and threw my arms around him , giving him an extra strong hug . He grinned and hugged me back . Then I went back around and sitting down again , said , " Tell me more ! Tell me about your runnin ' . When did you begin that ? And why ? " a kid that wasn 't treated right by adults and other kids . So , I quit eatin ' cookies that I didn 't need , and started runnin ' to take off some of the extra weight I was carryin ' . I 've been takin ' night classes to learn what I missed in high school . Lily has been helpin ' me with them , too . " was evident . Needless to say , I was very proud of him . And now , he was planning on getting married ? I felt like I had been putting my head in the sand , to have all that going on and not knowing about it . Maybe our Jack was just good at keeping his own counsel , so to speak . question for you , Jack . . . what about where you and Lily will live when you marry ? And what does she do for a living ? You 're not going to live on the streets , are you ? You say you 're planning to open your own motor repair shop . . . where do you plan on doing that ? " Lily lives in a house she inherited from her grandmother and since I haven 't proposed yet , I don 't know about where we would live . First she has to say ' yes ' . As for the shop I want to open , I was thinkin ' maybe about where my Uncle Hank 's shop is . I could maybe rent it for a good price since he won 't be using it for awhile . " I could see that Jack had put a lot of thought into all this . Then I had an idea . " Say , Jack - how about if we go over to the shop and check it out , see if anything has been happenin ' over there ? It 's been several days since we were last there . If you wanted any input from me on ideas , I could help you do a little plannin ' , maybe . " " Aren 't you still kinda worn out from all that happened a few nights ago , AnnaBee ? I 'll bet you 've still got sore places from all that running and scrabbling about . " Jack 's was the voice of sensibility speaking to me , but somehow , I just couldn 't seem to hear it . " Well , if you won 't go with me , I 'll just take Clancy and go myself , " I replied stubbornly . " For Lucy 's sake , I 'll stay away from her for a few more days till we get this matter resolved of the missin ' security guard . But I 'm a free agent , and I reckon I 'll jist go where I want to . I 'm not wantin ' to ' take it easy ' . I want to go look for myself . Maybe I can see some clues about where the guard might be . I might pick up on some clues the police missed when they were searchin ' around . " at me as if I had two heads . Then he shook his in disbelief . " I can 't let you do that , AnnaBee . You could be heading right back into a passel of trouble . I 've got things to do , and you just can 't be running off to get yourself killed , maybe . Wait till tomorrow afternoon and we 'll both go then . You might spend some time at the library , if you wanted something to do . I really do want you to go with me to look at the shop . You always have really good ideas on organizing stuff . " " I guess I could do some readin ' and research . Sure , that 's a good idea , Jack . I could go visit the library and check out what 's been goin ' on in the newspapers . Thanks for the ideas . I 've been kinda at loose ends the last few days . I really miss my buddy , Lucy Mae , too . Maybe I could go lookin ' for some empty cans and bottles for recycling . I 'll see ya later , Jack . " Taking my pushcart in hand , I whistled to Clancy and we were off to the out of doors . I had purpose now and I was going to do some checking on stuff . As I walked along , I noticed the air had quite a chill to it . Winter was definitely on its way . Gazing up at the sky , I saw that it had a rather leaden look to it . Uh , oh ! Those clouds were hanging low , and looked like they were filled with water . Just what we needed . . . more rain . It had rained some the night before , but had stopped sometime during the wee hours of the morning . Clancy and I headed towards the outer limits of town . I was headed towards the auto repair shop , but decided to change my course and make a detour to the Sunny Bright Kindergarten , and just kind of set up some surveillance from across the street , but out of sight . There happened to be a small park across the way , and since the children came to school around nine a . m . , I had time to observe their arrival . Theirs was a very short day , since they were so young . Finding a park bench underneath an overhanging tree , I found I could observe unseen by anyone unless they came very close to me . I put the leash on Clancy so that he would be unable to wander away , and looped it over the back of the bench where the arm of the bench came up . He would have plenty of room to move about and there was a puddle of water nearby where he could drink . There happened to be a newspaper in my cart so I pulled it out and placed it on the bench , which was still damp from the rain the night before , so that I could sit down and take up my vigil . It wasn 't very long before a limo pulled up to the front of the school and the chauffeur got out , closed his door , went around to the other side , opened the rear door for the child , taking him by the hand , walked him to the door of the school , which was immediately opened by a security guard . Handing the child over to the security guard , he shook hands with the guard and returned to the limo . Did he get something from the guard with that handshake ? As I sat there watching for the next twenty - five minutes , the process was repeated for each child that was brought . Looking around , I couldn 't see that the police still had the place being watched , like the Lieutenant had told me they would . Had they given up ? Maybe because they hadn 't found any incriminating evidence when they searched the place , they had given up . Well , not me ! I was not going to give up , especially with my good buddy , Lucy Mae Wilkins , in there , maybe in grave danger . What to do ? It looked like all the kids were probably in class for the day . I couldn 't stick around here much longer without casting suspicion ; maybe I had already been spotted . I got up , picking up the newspaper and decided to walk around through the park , seeing if I could find any cans or empty bottles . I needed to get up and move around some , anyway . Taking a path through the park , I decided to let Clancy run about , so I took him off the leash and told him to stay close by . Whoa ! He saw a squirrel and took off after him ; of course , I had to run after him and that was difficult what with pulling my cart along behind me . As you may remember , my cart is a folding one , that can be pulled along behind one , as well as being pushed in front of one . Well , what a sight we must have been , with Clancy chasing a squirrel and barking , and me running after him , shouting and pulling my cart behind me . I must have chased that little rascal for a full twenty minutes , clear to the other side of the park , near the lake . The leaves in the park were slippery from the rain the night before , and I slid down and landed near the edge of the lake . Twenty feet from the edge of the lake , something was floating in the water . It looked like it had once been human , because it seemed to be wearing clothing . Now it was just a blob of something bobbing about in the water , with arms and legs and a head . My heart began pounding like it was going to burst . I lay back , resting on my elbows , trying to catch my breath . I called Clancy over to me and fastened the leash to his collar . I needed to get the police out here , but I didn 't want to go over to the kindergarten to do so . When I had fallen , my cart had gone flying as well , so I got to my feet and walked over to where it lay , and setting it aright I looked around to see if anyone else were anywhere near . Seeing no one , I began walking hurriedly through the woods and out to the street some ways down from the kindergarten . As I hurried to the police station , a patrol car passed me in a hurry . I nearly ran all the way to the station and hurried up the steps . Clancy ran along beside me , as though it were great fun . Hurrying into the station house , I came up to the desk duty sergeant and hung onto the edge of his desk . " Why , Miss AnnieBee , what 's got you all in such a dither ? Is somebody chasin ' you through the forest again ? " he joked . " This ain 't funny , Sergeant Greene ! I jist saw a dead body a floatin ' in the lake ! I need somebody ta come ' n ' take a look . " " Aw , shah ! You 're pullin ' one of your pranks , aren 't cha ? " " Listen , you doubtin ' Thomas ! I 'm tellin ' ya true . I was jist over to the lake near the kindergarten , and there was a body floatin ' in the water about twenty feet out . Jist wait a minute , is the Looie in ? He 'll believe me ! He knows I don 't joke about dead bodies . I 'll jist go up and tell him . Come on , Clancy . We don 't have time to waste with underlin 's like Sgt . Greene , here . " With that , Clancy and I went up the stairs to Lieutenant Shannon 's office . I just left my cart where it was , next to the duty desk . The Looie was talking on the phone to someone as I came in . " Hey , AnnaBee , I hear you found a body floating in the lake . I 've already dispatched a team over there to check it out . " " Have you forgotten that I have a man looking out for you ? He saw you discovering the body and gave me a call . Thanks to you and your surveillance - oh , yeah , we know you 've been watching the kindergarten this morning - we know about the body . We 've already dispatched the coroner to the lake , along with a team of men to investigate the scene . Your shadow couldn 't stay with the body , because you were really on the move , and he had to keep you in sight . He said you move pretty fast for an old lady . " The Lieutenant was grinning when he said that last thing about me being an old lady . I just gave him a punch on the shoulder , like I was irritated by that last remark . Hmmm . Whose body was out in the water ? Was it anyone I knew ? Maybe Ms . Wilson ? Going over to one of the chairs in the Looie 's office , I sat down to rest and wait . Then I decided I needed to go to the rest room and that Clancy probably needed a drink of water , so I took him with me . Before I left the office , though , I picked up an empty styrofoam cup from the Looie 's desk , so I could get Clancy 's water in it . We came back into the office and sat down again . " Say , do ya have any coffee , Lieutenant ? I sure could use a cup of it . " Sitting back in the chair , I got to thinking . The clothes I saw on that person out in the lake looked kind of familiar to me . Where had I seen them before ? Just then , the Looie came back with my coffee and a sticky bun . That would bring my energy level back up . The ringing of the phone on his desk caught our attention and he went over to answer it . " Shannon here . Yes , who did you say it was ? Oh , my . It has been awhile since I 've heard that name . How did he die . . . can you tell ? Hmmm . Now that is strange , and what would he be doing out near the lake , anyway ? Okay , be sure and get back to me . Right , I 'll tell her . " Turning to me , he said , " Well , that was one of my men . The coroner says the body belonged to William Hankins . William was once a police detective , and his story is a sad one . In fact you know him , probably . He was one of the people who lived on the streets . They called him Wino Willie . " At that information , I sat up and I know my mouth must have dropped open in amazement . Wino Willie had once been a policeman . Who would ever have guessed ? " I suppose so . . . well , you see , one night he was on an undercover stake - out and it was the dead of winter . He hadn 't been in touch with his family for quite awhile , and their house somehow caught fire while they were asleep . His wife and children burned to death . He never recovered from the loss , and turned to drink , gradually losing interest in everything . Consequently , he lost his job as well . He was one of the best detectives we ever had . " The Looie 's story about Wino Willie brought tears to my eyes . Who would ever have thought about old Willie having been a top - notch detective ? Wonder what he was doing out there at the lake to meet a suspicious death ? As I sat there , chewing on the sticky bun , I was also chewing on an idea . Yep , that was what I was going to do , all right . I was thinking that some of the other people Willie and I knew in common would have some idea what he had been up to . Old Willie the Wino couldn 't keep his mouth shut when he was around his friends . " Looie , I sure would like to know how Willie got killed . Could ya jist give me a kind of hint ? " I began watching his face as I asked my questions . I knew when I hit on the answer , he would probably shut me off . " Did he get shot ? Or maybe strangled ? Or did he get stabbed ? Say , maybe he got clubbed over the head with a blunt object ? " " Now , AnnaBelle , I told you , I can 't divulge that information . If you 're thinking about getting involved in this investigation , you can just forget about it . You still have that guard to be concerned about . You are supposed to be keeping a low profile . " I now knew that Willie had probably been clobbered over the head , maybe with part of a tree limb , or some such thing . Had he been doing what I had done that morning . . . observing the going 's on at the kindergarten from across the street ? Brrr . . . kinda made me shudder . " Yeah , I know . I promise not to get into any more trouble , Lieutenant . I 'll be real careful and not irritate anyboy . Thank you for the sticky bun and coffee . Clancy and I need to be going now ; we 've taken up enough of your time and I know you 've got important things ta do . " The Looie gave me a strange look as if to say , ' what ? Going already without sticking around to see what more they find out at the lake ? ' but he replied , " Okay , AnnaBee , you be careful and stay out of police business . You hear me ? I mean it . I don 't want to have somebody finding your body laying out somewhere , dead ! " I just smiled sweetly at him and said , " Now , don 't you worry none . I 'm gonna be jist fine , young man . I 'm gonna be fine . " to some of Willie 's cronies . I just knew they would know something about what he was doing . I could get to them and get answers before the police would . Ha ! Say , maybe if I looked back every once in awhile , I could spot the policeman that the Looie had assigned to watch me , and I could ditch him . I hadn 't been paying enough attention to that little detail . The trouble was , it was now the middle of the day , and there were quite a few people out and about . Well , I 'd worry about that later . Right now , my mind was on finding some of Willie 's friends that he hung out with . Ah ! There was Jimmy Jake , standing on the corner , with his hat out , trying to get people to put a dollar or two in it . He had on dark glasses and carried a white tipped cane . I knew he wasn 't blind , but the average citizen didn 't know it . Walking over to Jimmy Jake , I spoke to him and asked if he had seen Willie the Wino lately . ( Yeah , I know that would be a dumb question to ask someone who is supposedly blind ! ) " Who wants ta know ? " he replied , like he didn 't know me . " I do ! I have some information that I bet you 'd like ta have , too . I know somethin ' about him that is not common knowledge . " " Say ! AnnieBee , did he tell you about what he was goin ' ta do , too ? " Wow ! I hit paydirt , right off the bat ! Jimmy Jake had known all about what Willie had been doing . Now , to get it out of him without him knowing that I didn 't know . " Ya say , he was dyin ' ? How come him ta tell ya that ? " I wanted to know . " Well , I saw him one day a few weeks ago and he was jist comin ' outta the free clinic . He 'd been hurtin ' somethin ' fierce in his belly , so he went ta find out . Doc told ' im that he had Cirrhosis of the liver and " Yeah , I know , Jimmy . Well , here is somethin ' ya didn 't know ; I found his body this mornin ' , a ' floatin ' in the lake out across the way from the kindergarten . It looked like he 'd been there for several days . Now keep this under yore hat , cause it ain 't common knowledge yet . Apparently , somebody saw him sneakin ' around and clobbered him , then dumped his body in the lake . I 'll bet they were in a hurry and tried ta weight it down , and didn 't do a good enough job of it . " " Well , he 'd been around askin ' questions of people we both know , and some we don 't know , and he must of asked the wrong people . Listen , AnnieBee , I know you think you 're a detective an ' all , but you 'd best be careful who you go around a ' talkin ' to . Sometimes you can get inta trouble a ' pokin ' your nose inta other people 's business . Seems like you nearly got yours a few days ago , didn 't cha ? " Now , I didn 't like having people like Jimmy Jake telling me to mind my business . It was okay for the Looie , but Jimmy Jake ? Please . You know how Jimmy Jake got his name ? He got the Jimmy part from his life 's profession of going around jimmying windows open and burgling houses . The Jake part was already his given name " Jacob " . Hence Jimmy Jake . Well , Heading for River Street , I knew exactly where to find some of Willie 's drinking buddies . They didn 't frequent the bars too much ; instead , they bought their gin and wine in the many grocery stores that sold it cheaper , and went to the alleyways where they wouldn 't be disturbed . They got the cheapest stuff they could find , since they were mostly homeless . The ones that weren 't lived in dumps , cause they 'd lost their families by drinking , and were living on their social security or welfare . It was a sad way of life for them . I had Clancy with me for protection ; he wouldn 't let any one try to hurt me without gnawing their leg off . Of course , he was not a very big dog , but he could do a lot of damage to anyone trying to get to me . I felt quite safe . As I walked along these back alleys , I saw lots of bottles and cans , so I picked them up as I went . Clancy saw a stray cat and tried to chase it , but I called him back . It wouldn 't do for my protector to be off running after a cat , now would it ? Every I wasn 't feeling very successful about my search for information . I left the alleyways and headed toward the street ; my feet were acknowledging the fact that they had been tramping up and down all over creation and my back was getting tired , too . Spotting a greasy spoon diner , I picked up Clancy and put him in my cart , covering him so that only his beady black eyes were showing . Taking my cart back to the rest room , I washed my hands thoroughly and then used the facilities . I then took my little buddy out of the cart and got him a drink of water in my hands . Then I put him back in and washed my hands again . I had picked up a bunch of filthy bottles and cans that afternoon . We went on back out into the diner , where I chose a spot near the back so that I could watch the people entering . I might yet see some of the people that Willie and I knew in common . Ordering a Blue Plate Special from the frowsy waitress , I sat back and rested , waiting for my food . She brought me the cup of coffee that I ordered when I sat down , and I enjoyed the fragrance . These greasy spoons might serve lousy food , but the coffee was always top notch . When the waitress brought my food to me , she handed me a folded piece of paper . Hmm . That was curious ; why would she be doing that ? Looking up at her , I lifted my eyebrows in a questioning gesture . " That fellow at the bar over there asked me to give it to you , said you would understand . " Looking down at the unfolded paper , I read it a second time . Yes , the words were the same as I had just read . " Nosey people find theirselfs in deep water . " Well , I knew one thing about him . He was uneducated . He could be any one of several ignoramuses wandering around the streets . I reckon maybe he meant business though . that meant I was stepping on somebody 's toes . Hah ! I was hot on the trail of Willie 's killers . Willie might have been a drunk , but he was basically a good man , and his death should not go unpunished . I sat there and began thinking about the various people i had talked to that day . Which one could it be that had tipped off the writer of the note ? Maybe I had actually talked to the note writer . Let me see , now . There was Eddie the Moocher who sat on the corner of River Street and Main . He seemed really interested in talking about Willie . He had a lot of questions for me about what had happened at the lake . He seemed to get more from me than i did from him . Crazy Hattie ( we call her that because she loves to pick fights with people and accuse them of trying to steal her junk ) was quite entranced by my questions . She wanted to know why I was at the lake . Of course I couldn 't really tell her . Hamlet had lots of questions about what I was doing and why . ( We call him that because he is always quoting Shakespeare - I think he must have been an English professor in his former life . ) He told me that word on the street was that one of Willie 's pals had come into a lot of money , but he couldn 't tell me any more about it . I realized that it was all tied up with the drug business and I knew that very few people living on the streets could afford to buy drugs , except those women who worked at night , plying their trade , and most of their money went to the boss they worked for . Sometimes the bosses were the ones that supplied them with drugs . Maybe those women were the ones I should be talking to . Yeah . Suddenly , I really wasn 't very hungry any more , but I knew I needed to eat something , so I went ahead and ate what I could . It might be a long evening before I go another meal . As made the notes , I could make some deductions or come to some conclusions about where the threat to me was coming from . Maybe instead of asking any more questions , I just needed to observe for a while some of the people I had been talking to . Yeah , that 's it . Observe . I had ordered a piece of meat for my meal , but decided Clancy could do it more justice than I could , so I passed it to him as he waited patiently in my cart . He looked at me gratefully , and began to chew on the meat . I could still see his beady little black eyes looking out at me , reached over into the cart and brought out my old purse so I could get my little notebook , and pencil , also I needed to pay for my dinner . Now that my job was over , I would need to really watch my pennies . It was a good feeling to have a little money in the bank , you know , but it wouldn 't last long . I always contributed to the box in the Mission when I could . Looking at the notebook , I began writing down the names of everybody I had talked to today , and what they had told me . Which of them had passed on my questions and to whom ? Perhaps , they had passed them on quite innocently , not knowing the harm they would do . This was going to take quite a bit of thinking and also conjecturing about who could be the ' leak ' to the drug dealers . Actually , it could be any one of those I had spoken to . Okay , instead of talking to the ladies of the evening , I would just do some quiet observing . All I needed was an empty doorway on River Street that wasn 't already being used by someone else . The evenings were getting rather cool by now , so I would be using my blanket tonight that I had gotten at the Goodwill place just last week , preparing for the winter . It was still early in the day ( so to speak ) , around 5 p . m . and I could still do some questioning of a few more of Willie 's friends . I could go into one of the pubs that were scattered along River Street . There was one called " Lucky Lou 's " that one of his friends had told me he used to go into once in awhile , because some of the cops still went in there after hours . Now , if I could just go in quietly and unobserved . There it was , just down the street from the diner where I had eaten the late dinner . ( Down South , we call lunch dinner , and what Yankees call dinner , we call supper ) . Just letting you know , so you don 't get confused . Walking slowly down the street , I looked around to see if anyone I had talked to earlier was still there . Actually , I was trying to determine if the fellow who had sent me the threat was anywhere around . Nobody looked suspicious to me , so I just kept strolling along , pulling my cart behind me . I had set Clancy out on the sidewalk with his leash attached and he was trotting along beside me . Bless his little heart ! behind me , and opened the door for me . I turned to look at him , questioningly . It had been awhile since that had happened . I was that surprised when I saw who it was . " Ulp . . . oh , hi , Looie . Yeah , imagine that , " I gulped out . " Well , since we 're here , let 's go on in and find us a little corner for a chat , okay ? " The Lieutenant headed for an empty booth in the back of the room , moving along beside me in a protective manner . I had a feeling I was in for it , for sure . " Er . . . ah . . . I 'm not very thirsty , but I guess I could maybe drink a root beer , if we have ta order somethin ' , " I stammered . I had begun to recover my wits , and believe me , he had really scattered them , coming up behind me that way . The Looie ordered himself a cup of coffee , and a root beer for me . Then he turned to me with a look of chagrin on his tired face . " AnnaBee , do you remember how your Billy and I used to go fishing when I could get the time off ? You would pack us a lunch and sometimes you would even go with us . But mostly , it was just Billy and me . " " Yes , I remember . He used to say you were like the son we never had , and of course , I agreed with him . We always enjoyed havin ' you come over and spend time with us . He always told me he 'd trust you with anything he had . " to me . How do you think it would make me feel if you came down here in this muck and mire and got yourself killed . You don 't normally frequent this part of town ; you don 't know the vermin that live in this place . Some of them would just as soon hit you over the head as to look at you . You can 't keep doing this kind of thing , AnnaBelle . Please , would you just leave the detecting to us ? " Well , when the Looie turned those green eyes on me , and gave me that little sermonette , I felt lower than a snake 's belly . I knew he had promised my Billy that he would look after me , and I knew I needed to get out of this part of town . I 'd just have to get my answers in a different way , if I could think of a safe one . Should I show him the threatening note I had received a little earlier ? Nah , it would just worry him more , bless his heart . " Okay , Mike . I promise I 'll leave this part of town alone . I wasn 't pickin ' up much info anyway . I did find out , though , that one of Willie 's friends had come inta a bunch of money , but I don 't know which one . Listen , I 'm goin ' ta see Lucy on Friday evenin ' and see if maybe I can get her to come out with me for awhile , and have supper with me . Do ya think that 'd be okay ? Should I kinda ask her a few questions about the school , now that she 's been there for a week ? " " That would be okay , I guess , but be careful . Listen , bring her to the Mission for supper and I 'll just casually stop by and I can ask her a few innocent questions about how she is getting along and how she likes working there and so on . Okay ? " " Right , Looie . I 'm apologizin ' right now for puttin ' you to so much worry . I promise to stay outta trouble as much as I can , okay ? And I 'll stay outta this part a ' town , too . It does kinda ' give me the creeps ta be wanderin ' around down here , don 't cha know ? " Looking around , I noticed a fellow over at the bar giving us a little more attention than I thought we deserved . He saw me observing him , and quickly turned his head to look at his watch , and as though remembering an appointment he had to keep , he got up and threw some money on the bar , and left . That fellow was quite dirty looking , with a scruffy beard , and wearing old jeans , topped by a hooded jacket like these hip - hop singers wear . He had a do - rag wrapped around his head . Could that be the fellow who had sent me the threat ? I felt my face turn several shades of grey , as I sat there thinking about the threatening note . " Okay , Annie , tell me what has happened to you . What were you just thinking about ? You 're looking kind of sick , all of a sudden . Did you eat something that didn 't agree with you while ago at that greasy spoon ? " " Uh . . . yeah . . . that could be it . . . yeah , yeah . I think maybe we need to leave , so I can get back to the Mission and rest . Maybe I could sit in Pastor Joe 's office and rest a while . " Come on , Clancy . Let 's go , little buddy . " I grabbed my cart and Clancy 's leash and stood up while the Lieutenant left some money on the booth table for the waitress . As we passed the bar , the bartender called me over and handed me a piece of paper . Uh oh ! Another threatening note ? " What was that he gave you ? " questioned the Looie . " Let me see that , please ! " Reluctantly , I handed it over to him . Opening it gently , he unfolded it carefully . " Been swiming latly ? Rember , I told ya . It kin be dedly . " he read aloud . " What is this , AnnaBelle ? What is it ? What does it mean ? " I looked at it as he held it out , but not letting me touch it again , I replied , " Well , for one thing , it means he can 't spell fer beans . Another thing , it is the mate to another note I got while I was in the greasy spoon diner . I reckon maybe I am steppin ' on somebody 's toes . " " Oh , and you weren 't going to tell me about the other note , I suppose ? Where is it ? At least I can have them both fingerprinted . Maybe the fingerprints are in the system . " I handed the other note over to him and he put them both in a a little plastic bag , then into his pocket . " Let 's get out of here ; we 're drawing attention that we don 't need , " stated the Lieutenant . " My car is over here across the street . You and Clancy get in , please , and I 'll put your cart in beside you . We need to take a little trip down to the station house . " When we got to the station , the Looie helped me out of the car and we walked up the steps and into the building . The sergeant at the desk , observing our progress , quipped , " Oh , oh . . . Lieutenant , are you bringing in Public Enemy No . One ? Has she been out running over old people with her cart ? " " Yeah , I gotta take her back here and give her a going over with a rubber hose and put her under the bright lights . She 's been giving me all kinds of back talk , " the Looie joked . At least , I hoped he was joking . Nah , I knew he was , actually . We made our way back to what I knew was the " booking section " of the station house . I had been in and out of this place enough to know something about the way it was set up . Lt . Mike Shannon took me back to a desk and took out a black ink pad , with orders to me to give him my hand , which I did . He then proceeded to take my fingerprints . " Now , you go clean your hands , Nancy Drew , and then come back in here . We have some more talking to do . " Hmmm . Maybe he was going to shine the " third degree " lights on me . Did they even do that any more ? While I was in the restroom , I used the facilities , and then washed my hands . Looking at my reflection in the mirror , I noticed that I was looking a little grungy and fluffed my hair with my fingers , and washed my face with some paper towels . When I got back to the booking area , Mike took me to one of the rooms that had the two way mirror . Oh NO ! I was in an interview room and he was going to question me ! Was he going to book me , too ? " Can I bring Clancy back here with me ? He gets nervous when he 's not with me . " " Okay , sure . Here , boy , stay with AnnaBelle . " He whistled for Clancy to come in . He indicated one of the chairs at the table and then placed a tablet and pen in front of me . He was going to take my statement ? I couldn 't believe it ! I was being interviewed like a common criminal ! Then what ? " Okay , start talking , Ms . AnnaBelle Chasteen . " He turned on a small tape recorder and said , " For the record , please state your name , then tell me everything that has happened today . Please don 't leave anything out of your statement . " I started talking , and told him everything I had done that day , and tried not to leave anything out . Was he going to arrest me for interfering in police business ? What was going to happen to me ? Posted by Blogs are so much fun ! 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Isabella found one more blanket to pile on , even if it was a horse blanket smelly from the stable . She 'd found it when she went to put Charlie in his stall . Her horse had to paw through the snow to find a few tuffs of grass here and there since she 'd run out of hay . As soon as she opened the barn door , he 'd come over easily hoping to be fed . The faithful horse 's breath was warm on her neck as he followed close behind her . His soft mouth snuffled over the empty feed trough making sure he didn 't miss a single grain . But none were left . Tomorrow she 'd have to do something . It couldn 't be put off any longer . As she shivered in her bed with no fuel for a fire , Isabella wished she had chopped up the chairs . She would have done it too if it wouldn 't have meant another trip out to the barn to grab the ax . But it was just too cold to go back outside for any reason . So , she slept in her father 's wool socks , her flannel petticoat , her flannel nightgown , and her cloak with its hood pulled over a stocking cap . She burrowed completely under the covers hugging her faithful dog to try to find any kind of warmth . Still , her head felt sluggish as she lay awake trying to come up with a solution . Isabella Fontaine was flat broke . There was no money for food , nor wood for a fire , no grain or hay for her horse . The dog had resorted to stealing the neighbor 's chickens to have something to eat , and the taxes were due on the house right after Christmas . Her father had given her no clue that they were facing such dire times . Then he had the nerve to get sick and die and leave her all alone . She 'd feel sorry for herself , if she could feel anything at all : but , she was too numb in body and spirit . She 'd gone in earlier today to look for work , checking at the mercantile then the café to see if they needed any help . Of course they didn 't . But the delicious odors beckoning from their kitchen were to die for : fried chicken , pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy and homemade bread . Oh how she had wished she could have sat down at a table to eat like the others crowded there . She had glared at the sheriff who sat placidly cutting his steak with just a glance and a nod her direction . He was the one who had ridden out yesterday to post the auction date for their ranch for back taxes . The man had tried to apologize for having to do it , but no matter what he said , she still thought he was as heartless as the rest of the town . It wasn 't her fault that her father had been addicted to gambling causing them to lose everything , leaving her to fend for herself . At one time , they 'd had a prosperous ranch . It could hardly be called a ranch anymore though since all the cows had been sold off to try to pay his debts , all the cows , and horses except for her own old horse , Charlie . Isabella had even sold her saddle , keeping back only a bridle . She 'd have to ride bareback now . There wasn 't anything else of value left in the house that her father had not already pawned . All Isabella had to her name , were her mother 's quilts and her own meager wardrobe , oh and Isabelle 's prize possession , her mother 's tortoise shell hair combs . If she was to die from starvation or freeze to death in her own bed , at least she could be buried in those . Oh my . Her thoughts were certainly morose . It must be the glooming hour . Listening to her stomach growl and feeling it clench from hunger , she once again thought of the café and its patrons . She couldn 't forget the sheriff with that large bite of steak she 'd wanted to rip right off his fork and pop in her mouth . To add insult to injury , when she was standing outside on the porch wondering where else to look for work , he 'd burst through the doors almost colliding with . He barely saved a covered pl " Excuse me , Miss Fontaine . I didn 't see you there . That was close . I almost spilled the supper for the prisoner . Hope none got on you . Well , good night . " She 'd closed her eyes letting them roll to the back of her head just smelling that tantalizing food . Her stomach was as noisy as feeding time at the zoo what with its growls , roars , and groans of hunger . All she 'd had that day were the pecans she 'd picked up off the ground at old man York 's , their neighbor . If he 'd seen her , he would have come running with his rifle . The stingy man couldn 't stand the thought of someone else getting one single one of his nuts whereas he 'd probably be first in line to bid on buying - - rather stealing - - their ranch since it butted up against his own . Suddenly , Isabella sat up in bed . " Speaking of stealing , that 's it ! I 'll get the sheriff to arrest me . throw me in jail , then he 'll have to feed me . I bet he 'd have to put Charlie up in the livery stable and make sure he was fed too . And I 'm sure it 's plenty warm in there since I could see the smoke coming out of his stove pipe while across the street at the cafe . " With that plan fixed in her mind , she drifted off to a fitful , shivering sleep . Yet , the next morning the plan didn 't feel like such a good idea after all . Nevertheless , she had to do what she had to do . She would have to come up with something on the ride into town that would warrant the sheriff arresting her . " It can 't be something that would endanger anybody . That rules out shooting someone , and I 'm not really hankering to steal nothing . " So what could she do ? " She chewed on a piece of hair that blew into her mouth . The clouds were scrunching down like the sky was about to throw a fit and storm . It smelled of snow . Isabella rode practically laid out all the way down on her faithful horse to hug his warmth . He knew the way to town without her use of the reigns . " What dastardly deed can I do to get the sheriff to throw me behind bars ? " she asked her horse . " What if I kick him ? Then he might charge me with assaulting a man with a badge , " she thought aloud , but didn 't know if she could do it . " Kicking an innocent man is not one of my talents , " she confided to her horse . " That 's it ! " She just had an idea . " I 'll wait in the mercantile until I 'm sure that the Sheriff has gone to the restaurant to eat . Then , I 'll slip in , steal the keys , and lock myself in the jail cell . I won 't tell him where I 'm hiding the keys neither , so he can 't open the door and force me to leave . Yes ! It 's brilliant ! " It was harder than she thought waiting around in the mercantile looking at all the bounty on the shelves , food stuffs she could not afford to buy , not even a single penny candy . Her mouth salivated worse than a rabid dog . But by fingering the bolts of cloth , she had a good view out the front window and spied the sheriff striding over to the café to disappear inside . Isabella put her head down with her cloak 's hood covering her face and hurried over to the jail . " So far , so good , " she said aloud shutting the door behind her . The silly sheriff was so trusting that he 'd not bothered to lock the door . She wished she could stand by the stove and just hold her hands over its heat , but figured she 'd better work fast before he came back . Sure enough the keys were hanging on a hook behind his desk . She went over to the single cell , so very thankful that it was unoccupied for the moment , and used the key to open the door . Her hand was shaking whether from nerves , the cold or hunger , she didn 't know . " In you go , " she growled as if she was the sheriff . " Now , I 'll lock you in and throw away the key ! " She reached through the bars and locked the door on herself . The clanging of the door shutting and the click of the lock was terrifying . " But so is starving and freezing , you ninny ! " She 'd formed quite the knack for talking to herself since her Pa had died . " Now to hide the key , " she continued coaching herself . Isabella looked around to the bare cell with its cot and green army blanket folded on the foot of the bed . The only place she could figure to hide it was on her own person . Isabella strung the key on her hair ribbon and put it round her neck . Then she wrapped the blanket around herself and settled in to wait for the sheriff to return . His footsteps sounded on the boards of the porch , before the door creaked open . She swallowed hard and waited until he found her . The way her heart was beating , Isabella was sure he 'd hear it . Yet , the man did not so much as glance her direction , but only sat at his desk pulling open a big black book . A Bible ? " Finally she cleared her throat which made him jump up and pull out his pistol faster than she could spit . Her hands went up and the blanket fell on the floor . " Don 't shoot ! " " I asked you a question , young lady , " he growled . " How did you get in there . Come on back out now . Whatever you 're playing at is trying my patience . " " What ? " He threw his hat back to soar over his desk where it glanced off and landed on the floor . " Stop being ridiculous and come out . That place is filthy and is no place for a lady . " The sheriff was looking pretty steamed about now . It wouldn 't be long before the fat hit the fire . " I don 't know what game you are playing , but I don 't like it . I 'm ordering you one last time , to march yourself out of there or I 'll . . . " Instead he came over and tried to throw the door open , but about ripped his arm off when it didn 't swing wide . It was locked tight . He stormed back over to his desk and looked up at the empty hook where the keys normally hung . Then he frisked himself trying to find them . It was enough to make her giggle . Just then her stomach rumbled so loudly , it almost echoed . " Where are the keys ? I know I left them right there on the hook where I always do . So where are they ? " " Huh ? You are crazy . I could have you committed for this . " He ran his hand through his hair making it stand on end . " Why did you do such a fool thing as that ? " He was exasperated . He stood feet wide apart with his hands on his hips . It was show down time . At least he wasn 't reaching for his gun again , at least not yet . " Well , as long as I 'm here , you might as well go over and get me some dinner at the café . I can smell it clear from across the street . I know you do that for the drunks you usually lock up until they sleep it off . " " I 'll do no such thing . You can go on a hunger strike for all I care . So suit yourself . Make yourself comfortable . When you get hungry enough , you can just let yourself out . I won 't give you so much as a sip of water . " Oh , no . Her plan wasn 't working the way she 'd imagined . Well , at least she was warm . So she laid herself down wrapped in the blanket with her face to the wall . Her stomach was singing opera solos now , with a loud verbrado of hunger . She called over her shoulder , " Well , if you won 't feed me , at least have mercy on my horse . He 's tied up over in front of the mercantile and his ribs are about stuck together from hunger . You won 't leave a helpless animal out there in the cold to starve , would you ? " Just then , the door opened , and his deputy came in . " Hey , boss , did we get any new wanted posters in ? He jumped when he noticed her as she sat back up on the cot . " What in tarnation is she doing in there ? Did you arrest her for something ? We ain 't never had a woman in there before . " " That don 't seem right . Hey , missy . You here for the sheriff 's Bible reading ? That 's what he does for his prisoners , just reads aloud ' cause they can 't escape . Do you think you are here for Sunday School or something ? " he chortled " A white one , kind of bony . He 's getting up there in years , " she smiled with satisfaction . She knew no true gentleman would be cruel to an animal . The sheriff just went up a notch in her book . As for her , that was another matter . Just like the rest of the town , he was writing her off . No sooner had Stu left and she 'd rolled over in the cot , someone else came in without knocking . My , but this was a busy place . Oh , no . It was the sheriff 's mom . Isabella covered her head with the blanket hoping the woman wouldn 't notice her . " Hello , son . I brought you a piece of pecan pie . I sold a couple more of my pies to the café this afternoon . Ernie said his customers can 't get enough of them . " Unfortunately , his mother 's eyes followed his . " Who do you have locked up today ? Is it poor old brother Frisk ? He can 't seem to part from his bottle , can he . At least he won 't freeze in the alley . " She looked over at the cell tsking , then gasped noticing the shape lying on the cot with telltale ladies boot sticking out the bottom . " Why my word ! You have a woman in there , Finn . What 's the matter with you ? You can 't lock a woman in there ! I raised you better than that . " He spoke up , " Might as well sit up and present yourself , Miss Fontaine . My mother can see you in there . I 'll let you explain yourself . " Isabella shook her head . She was feeling pretty light - headed about now from hunger . Her stomach growled in a most unladylike fashion and her hands were shaky . " Finn , I 'd like to speak to you outside , please , " Mrs . McGregor said in a don 't mess with me manner . " You 're telling me ? I just can 't figure it out , " he rubbed his neck . " He hoped his mother would enlighten him quickly because it was sure cold out here . " Can 't you see the poor thing is skin and bones . It looks like she 's lost at least ten pounds since I last saw her in church , which has been awhile , come to think of it . Her cheeks are sunken in and her eyes have lost their luster . I bet that rotten Mr . Fontaine left his daughter penniless and she was starving to death out at her place . This must be the only way she figured she could be sheltered and fed . You have fed her , haven 't you , Finn . " " Didn 't you hear her stomach growling ? " How thoughtless of you , son . I 'm ashamed of you allowing this . Go over right now and get her a plate of food at the café while I coax her out . " Mrs . McGregor came back in . " Miss Fontaine ? It 's Isabella , isn 't it ? Finn has gone to get you something to eat , but you need to come out and sit at his desk . He 'll be right back . " " Thank you Mrs . McGregor . I believe I will . " But when she stood up on rubbery legs , the room started spinning and she sat back down . " Maybe you could pass me that piece of pie in here first . I seem to be a little on the weak as a kitten puny side right this minute . But I 'll be right as rain as soon as I get something in my stomach . " When Isabella just shrugged her shoulders , Mrs . McGregor clapped her hands . " Have no fear . You are going home with me . I can use you to help me with my baking that I sell to the café , and , if you know how to sew , you can help me keep up with my piecework as the town 's seamstress . These hands aren 't as limber as they used to be . Arthritis does that , you know . I truly need the help , dear . Please say yes . " She could have kissed that sheriff when he came in with a steaming plate of roast beef , mashed potatoes and gravy , carrots and green beans . She then slipped the key off her neck and handed it to him so he could unlock her cell . She walked weak - kneed over to his desk and sank to eat like a starving man , well , like the starving woman she was . " Thank you kindly , Mr . Sheriff . I 've never eaten better , " she said as she cleaned her plate running her finger around and licking it to catch any dribbles left . " I guess I 'll be going now , " Isabella spoke as she stood still a little unsteady on her feet . Was that a sigh of relief from the man ? " Goodbye , ladies , " Finn gladly said . " Good riddance he said to the door once it was shut . His office was nice and quiet once again , and he could go back to his Bible reading in peace . Yet , the verses he read troubled and convicted him , so he shut its pages and began reading his correspondence instead . Once outside , Isabella scratched her dog 's ears . The faithful companion had stood vigil waiting for her to come back outside again . " Good dog . " Then she told Mrs . McGregor , " I 'll go get my horse from the livery . Can you meet me over there ? I can tie Charlie to the back of your buggy for the drive out to your place . It is mighty fine of you to offer to put me up , ma ' am . I haven 't had much but cold shoulders around here because of my father 's reputation . You know , my pa didn 't start gambling until ma died . He just didn 't want to stay home without her , so he 'd lite out every night to find a faro table somewheres . " " I know dear . Sometimes people 's poor choices hurt the ones they love the most . Well , I 'll see you over at the livery . I just have one quick deliver first . " Finn looked out his window and watched as Isabella walked towards the livery . His eyes followed her until she was out of sight . She was a sight all right , a pretty thing , but was she wild - crazy , or was it just a wily - smart act of desperation that stunt she 'd pulled ? He huffed . She was a case . He looked over at the cell and saw that she 'd left her scarf . He lifted it to his nose and smelled the faint rose water lingering on it . Rather than chase her down , which he wasn 't inclined to do since he 'd just gotten rid of her , he hung it on his coat rack . She 'd figure out where she left it and would be back . At that thought , his heart squeezed a little . Fear ? Maybe . Attraction ? Never ! The first thing he noticed when he rode home was that the frustrating female 's horse was in his corral . What on earth ? His deputy must have gotten confused and brought it out here instead of putting it in the livery like he 'd asked . He 'd have to get on Stu . But when he walked in the door , he shuttered to a stop . " We can 't send her back to her house without so much as a crust of bread or a stick of firewood , now can we ? Besides , the place is about to be auctioned off she tells me . Tomorrow I want you to take her in the buckboard so she can gather up a few things before someone strips the place . " Once he had his mother by herself , he lit into her . " Mother , we absolutely will not keep her here . She 's not a stray cat . I won 't have it . I fear she 's crazy . Heaven knows how she was raised . Her father was the worse sort , but it isn 't proper to mention in front of a lady . Anyway , you can box up some groceries , I 'll load up some firewood , then I 'll take her right back to her house . She 'll have a week after Christmas to figure out where to go . She must have relatives somewhere she can go to . She is not going to be your responsibility , and heaven knows , I don 't want her to be mine . " Finn lifted his hat and ran his fingers through his hair . This was the same Scripture he 'd opened up to today just after she 'd left . Maybe God did want to use them , a mite . Just a little bit , he hoped . " Okay , okay , but after Christmas she 's gone , even if I have to buy her a ticket out of here to some distant cousin or something . I want her gone . " " No ! " He 'd hollered so loud that a flock of blackbirds flew up in the sky like a black cloud . " You need to get that idea right out of your head , ma . That is the most ridiculous thing I 've ever heard . " " Now you listen to your mother . We 've been down the list , and you 've just run out of options in a town this size with so few marriageable women . All the good girls got married while you dilly dallied . There 's just Priscilla Frost who is all frosting but no cake . There 's Tamara Smucker who , like you said , has been a little too familiar with a few too many young men . Then there 's Tildy Grifford who is the biggest wag in town with her gossiping tongue . Who else is there within ten years of your age ? At this rate , you 'd have to wait for the next crop of little girls to grow up so you could marry . Miss Fontaine is a Christian , and is quite pretty , you 'll have to admit . I 'm taking a liking to her already . " He put his hands up . " No , ma . I 'm not going there so don 't get too cozy with her . She 's got bats in her belfry . " " Who 's dog is this ? No , let me guess , it 's Miss Fontaine 's . So we are feeding her and the horse and the dog ? " he ground out . He threw his hands up in the air again and stomped away . His mother went back into the house . He 'd have to go in and sit across from that woman now . I wonder where Ma will put her up tonight ? he thought . There 're only the two bedrooms . Conversation was stilted over dinner . He refused to look at the interloper . His mother kept a conversation going with a forced lightness . " I 'm sorry , Sheriff for what I done in town . I just had hoped you 'd feed me without making me beg . " His mother glared at him with lips thinned out in that dangerous way . The way Isabella hung her head in shame , got to him . " I should have figured out sooner what was the matter , Miss Fontaine . Goodness knows I could hear your stomach growl loud enough , " he managed a small smile as he glanced up . His chest seized up on him like before so he rubbed his heart . " None that I know of , ma ' am . My ma was an only child , and my grandparents died before I was born . As far as my pa goes , he 'd always joked that he and his brother had been raised by wolves . He never said anything about his family , except talking about his brother dying at the battle at Gettysburg . Hearing of that battle was enough to send Finn to a far place in his mind . Then he shook his head as he realized she was asking him something . " Here at the house , you can call me Finn . No , I already fed him . The dog too . I heard you call your horse Charlie , but what 's the dog 's name ? " " We call him Chigger , cause he 's always scratching , " she said . " And thanks for taking care of my animals . I 'll do it in the morning , though . I don 't want to trouble you . " " It 's no trouble . I have to go feed my horses anyway . One more won 't matter . " But when Finn glanced over and saw his mother 's smug smile , he didn 't like it one bit and tried to put a grimace back on his face . " I promised my mother that I 'll take you to your house in the morning , weather permitting , and we can load up a few of your personal things you want to keep , I understand that most things are to be left there as part of the auction , except the most personal . Since I 'm the sheriff , I guess I can help determine that , " he said gruffly . " Seems like all I say is thank you , but I mean it from the bottom of my heart . I was so starving that I slipped in between a rock and a hard place . You kind folks saved my hide , " she smiled . Then she turned to help his mother do the dishes . Oh my ! He was in trouble because that smile had dazzled him silly . " O Lord , not now . Not her . " He tried to list all her bad qualities and kept coming back to just that number 1 : she 's crazy ! He 'd have to keep his eye on her . If she was going to turn into a queen of manipulation , he 'd step in and rescue his mother . She was always more gullible than what was good for her . " The sofa ? Are you kidding . That horse hair stuffing is as hard as a rock . I 'd just as well sleep on a pallet on the ground . " Isabella stood before him with her hands on her hips . " What are you doing ? I 'll sleep out here . I 'm not about to steal your bed . " " Oh no , dear . It wouldn 't be appropriate for you to sleep out here in the open , " his mother fluttered her hands . " Finn will be happy to offer you his bed , won 't you , dear . " When he went to hitch up the wagon the next morning , he saw much of the snow had blown away in a the howling wind last night . The wind chill crept right in next to his skin through all the layers . He 'd better throw in the old buffalo hide to cover Miss Fontaine with . After a terrible night on the cold floor , Finn was in no mood to chat as he sat beside the young woman his mother had taken under her wing . Fortunately , she seemed to pick up on his mood and kept her mouth shut . She only told her dog to go back when it tried to follow her padding behind the buckboard . He glanced back to see the dog sitting all lonesome in the middle of the snowy yard . Finally he commented on the weather . " We 'll have to hurry . Looks like we are in for a big storm that 's going to be the biggest one so far this year . " " This is the best thing to keep us warm . Anyway , think about what you want to be taking now . That way we can be in and out in no time , " he continued . " There 's not much left , " she said softly . But I thank you for coming out in this cold weather to help me . There are a few pictures and books and such . I didn 't know if I would be able to keep them , so I 'm grateful . " Finn thought of his comfortable home with all its creature comforts , well except his bed on the floor , that is . He was the one who should be grateful . He prayed that God would help his attitude . " Looks like we 'll have to seek shelter in your house until the worst of this storm passes . It 's almost a white - out as it is . " He concentrated on keeping the wagon on the road wishing he 'd brought the sleigh instead . " We 'll have to make due . Help me look for your turn off . If we miss it , we 'll be out in this for who knows how long . I should have seen this coming and not tried to come out today . " " Nobody can predict the weather . The sky was clear this morning when I woke up . It was still dark , but the stars were out . " Then she shut her mouth and covered back up because her teeth hurt from the cold . He left her at her own threshold then turned the horses to pass on . Then he unhitched the team and led them into the barren barn . Finn then covered himself with the buffalo robe and tried to head in the right direction to find the house . It was turning into a regular blizzard . He felt stupid for having set out today of all days just to please his mother . He bumped into the edge of the house and felt his way around to the front door . Upon entering , the first thing he noticed was how pale Isabelle looked . In fact , she looked downright strange staring at him all big - eyed . Suddenly she shouted , " Look out ! " A man had been waiting to knock him senseless , but thanks to Finn 's quick reflexes he was able to block him . In the next move he had his gun out pointing at the man who dropped the chair he 'd tried to hit him with . Then Isabella whimpered . He glanced over to see another rough character had grabbed her with his gun pointed at her temple . He motioned his captive to move over a little so he could keep them both in his sight . Both Finn and the stranger kept their guns drawn . In his mind , he was trying to think through the various wanted posters in his office . Nothing seemed to match up . So he tried reasoning with them hoping they were just amateurs , not hardened criminals . " I 'm the sheriff around here , and if you mess with the law and a woman , you 'll have the whole territory breathing down your neck . So I suggest that you fellas just go right out that door . " Suddenly the one he had his gun pointed at gasped , " Captain , is that you ? " Finn gave him a closer look and recognized a young soldier who had served under him once . " Frank , what are you doing with the likes of him ? " " Is that why the house has been ransacked ? You two must have been searching for something . I brought Miss Fontaine home just to get a picture or two and some books out of the house since she 's losing possession of the house . She almost starved staying here on her own , so don 't expect to find any treasure . If her father owed you a gambling debt , you 're out of luck . " The other man swore . Finn had been guessing , but it sounded like he had hit the nail on the head . Still , he had to think fast so he could get Isabella away from the scum . The other man snorted . " Course you won 't . It 's a blizzard out there . We wouldn 't make it as far as the barn . " " You need to let her go , James . This here is my friend . I don 't want any trouble with him . Besides , he was a sharp shooter in the war . He won 't miss and draws faster than you can blink . You saw him just now . " " I give you my word , that if you let Miss Fontaine go , I won 't pursue you if you leave as soon as there is a break in the weather . Meanwhile , it 's so cold . We 'll all freeze to death if we don 't get a fire going . Frank had a fire going in no time , and it seemed to bring a slight relaxation of the tension . The rough character moved Isabella around closer to the fire all the while keeping his arm tightly around her waist . He smelled worse than a skunk sprayed dog . Everyone still was on edge , and no one spoke . So Finn tried to get his former comrade in arms talking . So what 's brought you to this , Frank , breaking into homes and holding a woman hostage ? " The man hung his head . " There weren 't no work after the war . So I kept moving on trying to find something , then I met James here . He was so good at his cards that he wanted me to be his body guard . " " Open the door , Frank . I 'll keep you covered , " his partner James said . As soon as the door was cracked open , a black blur flew across the room snarling to attack the man who was holding Isabella . He yelled out and dropped her . A cacophony of dog and man snarling and yelping filled the room . Suddenly a gun blast broke through . The man screamed . " My hand ! You shot my hand ! Let go of me you stupid dog . " Every time he kicked him , the dog came right back to bite his leg some more . " Chigger ! Down . He obediently came over to her and sat down in front to still guard her . " Good boy , Chigger . " She hugged him , but he moved his head so as to keep an eye on the man who had held his mistress . " I can 't believe he followed us in all this snow . " You better take care of your buddy 's wounds , Frank . We 're not going to get close to him , so he 's all yours . But first I want you to lay all your weapons down on the floor and kick them over to me . If your friend here has any more weapons on him , like a derringer or knife , get those too . " " Sure , Captain . " Frank began to salute , but dropped it when his partner growled . He reached into the other man 's pocket and pulled out the little pistol . " Good . Now nice and easy kick them over here . Okay , Isabella if you know where some clean rags are would you bring them and hand them to me ? And if you have something to clean his wounds with , you can bring that too . Even a pan of snow would keep the swelling down . Just don 't get close to them whatever you do . " " Okay , Frank , I think that 's all you can do for now . James , keep your hand on your head to keep some of the pain away . Isabella , do you have any rope here in the house ? " " You heard her , Frank . We 'll move this little party into her father 's bedroom and you can unstring the rope bed . I want you to stay in here , Isabella . Hold onto James ' pistol . I 'll just cut loose the rope for our friend Frank here so he can pull it out for us . Ready ? " Now he waved them across the room . Stand over there while I cut it loose . Move the mattress over just a little , Frank . Good . " Finn kept the gun in his good hand pointed at them and managed to cut with his left sawing through the hemp without looking . He stepped back to stand in the door when it was done . " Got it , Captain . " " Okay , now bring it back by the fire so you can tie your friend up . Leave some for yourself as well , Frank . " " I understand , Captain . Bad company corrupts good morals . You were always telling me . Wish I 'd listened to you . " He tied up his partner with the man complaining the whole time . It was enough to make the dog growl a warning . The man shut his trap then and only moaned and groaned in his pain . Frank , on the other hand , was almost cheerful . " I 'll be glad to be shuck of the likes of him . He hasn 't paid me all that he promised , and was cutting some dirty deals with the cards . I didn 't want to get caught in gun play ' cause he cheated . " " He kept the pistol out , but kept his other arm around Miss Fontaine . The ordeal had exhausted her , and she 'd fallen asleep leaning into him . Chigger laid down in front of her , his head on his paws , but with his eyes still on the culprit . " Remember when . . . " Frank kept reminiscing about the War . Finn didn 't encourage him because all he wanted to do was to forget the horror of it . But Frank was right . There was something about the comradeship of the men in their unit that they all missed . This is really all that Frank was doing , trying to feel like he belonged in a world that had gone crazy . Too bad he 'd picked a man who only wanted to use him . The wind outside sounded like the moaning of the hundreds of wounded and dying on the battlefield . " We should talk about something else , Frank . It 's bringing back too many bad memories , you know . " " Yeah , your right , Captain . Makes me think of so many in our unit who didn 't come back . " He changed the subject , " Well , how about that dog ! I never saw nothing like it . I actually thought it was a demon from hell coming to punish us for our crimes . I was never so glad to find out it was just a dog . " " I know . It just sounded too easy . After all , we had to fight that bloody war for Lincoln 's cause . It didn 't make sense that all I had to do was ask God to forgive me without having to do something first . " " He wants to fight our battles for us , Frank . He wants to fight alongside us . Can you imagine how it would have rallied the men if Lincoln were right there with us . Well , God has promised to be with us . He tells us to put on the helmet of salvation , the breastplate of righteousness , the belt of truth , and to take up the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God . All He asks is for us to enlist . To renounce our other allegiance to the ruler of demons and their general , Satan himself . God wants us to take up His banner . If you were afraid of a demon when you opened the door today , you ought to get on the right side , not siding with the pit . " Frank wiped his nose on his sleeve . Yeah , I 'd like that . I don 't want to go to jail , but I know I have to pay for what I did ransacking Miss Fontaine 's house and trying to crack the chair over your head . . . " James made a disgusted sound , but Frank went on , " If Jesus will pay the penalty for my sin like you used to tell me , then I 'm ready . " The man moaned . " I don 't know which hurts more , the dog bites or the gunshot . I just know I 'll never be able to ply a hand of cards again . You got my good hand , Sheriff . " " Next time don 't go using a lady for your shield . It 's a good thing that the dog showed up , ' cause I was considering plugging you right between your eyes if you didn 't let go of her soon . That dog might have saved your life . Be thankful I only shot you in the hand . " " Don 't fool yourself , James . There 's no jail cell waiting for you in eternity , but a lake of fire . What you are feeling now is only a pinch . I suggest you do some repenting yourself like Frank here . " The fire was burning down , but Finn didn 't want to wake Isabella . It was feeling mighty fine to have her resting her head on his shoulder . He could get used to that . He also needed to shove the snow away from the door before they were snowed in blocked by drifts . It was still coming down thickly with no sign of letting up . Frank and James dosed with mouths open and drool dribbling . Finn wasn 't sleepy , but he sure was getting hungry . He couldn 't imagine how Isabella had done it with no food or fire . No wonder she 'd cooked up her desperate plan . He chuckled just thinking of the shock of finding her locked in his jail . " What 's so funny ? " She sat up straight . His arm grew cold absent her warmth . She began laughing too which made him laugh all the harder . " You should have seen your face , " she giggled . Oh , my , you sure got madder than a hornet with his stinger bent out of shape about it too . " " Then my deputy comes in , next my mother of all people . Finally when I get home , there you were , like a burr on my sock or something that I couldn 't shake loose . " He took her hand and encased it in his , " But I 'm not minding it nearly as bad as I did though . In fact it 's kind of nice actually having you around to help me catch crooks . " She gave him one of her dazzling smiles . " It sure beat staying here burning up the furniture and starving when there was a nice warm cell available . " Her stomach gave that grumble signaling her hunger . His joined in for a duet . " I should have known to pack something . I always try to do so in the winter when I know I might be caught like this . But I need to break up another chair to burn , " he said getting up to go smash one . The noise of wood shattering woke the two captives . " The rebs are firing at us again , Captain ! Get down ! " Frank cried out . It was enough to churn Finn 's stomach seeing the stark fear on the kid 's face until he woke the rest of the way up . " I was dreaming of the war . Guess I shouldn 't talk about it right before I go to sleep . I can go weeks without any bad dreams , then boom , they 're back . " When the other man stirred moaning and groaning , the dog gave a low warning growl . " I 'm going to open the door and see if I can shovel some of this snow away from where it 's piling up . " Without the use of a shovel , Finn grabbed a kettle and went to work throwing pot full after pot full away until it was just knee deep . " I 'll have to keep doing that . This may be one of those storms with ten foot deep drifts . " Finn scowled . He didn 't like it when a man didn 't take care of his animals . His may not have hay - - he couldn 't help that - - but at least they were out of the elements . Instead he checked Chigger 's feet to make sure he hadn 't gotten frost bitten . His pads were cracked and sore looking , but he didn 't look too much worse for the wear . Finn also felt over him while scratching his tummy to make sure James ' boot hadn 't done any real damage . The dog didn 't wince when he touched his stomach or ribs . Good . This dog had really come to the rescue . He 'd never seen anything like it . " My dog . That 's one reason he 's so protective , because we 're close . My father was always gone , and the dog stuck close to me . Once some unsavory stranger tried to come in , but between my dad 's rifle and the dog , he decided it wasn 't a good idea . " " He is a good dog . You can bring your dad 's rifle when we go back to town . I doubt I can get the wagon through , so we 'll be taking prisoners back , not your things this time after all . " " That 's okay . People are what 's important , not things . " She allowed him to take her hand again . He still kept his gun handy . Finally , the snow stopped . Stars started to peek through when the clouds were whisked away . The moon was full and shone down setting off the sparkles in the pristine white blanket . " I think we 'd best wait ' till morning , Isabella . " " I know everyone is hungry , but that 's probably the best decision . Wait , do you hear that ? " she asked looking towards the road . " " What ? " " It sounds like Santa 's sleigh . I must be going crazy . " She giggled , " That would be no surprise to you though . You threatened to commit me once upon a time . " " Not one of my finer moments , " he admitted . " Sorry . . . wait , I hear it too . Those are sleigh bells , just not Santa 's . " " That 's Stu 's team . My deputy is coming ! Thank the Lord ! " Finn waded out hip deep to greet him . " Thanks for coming to check up on us , partner . " " I worried when you didn 't get back . I wanted to make sure you were holed up here and not frozen in a ditch somewhere . But maybe you 'd rather I didn 't bother you until tomorrow , and he winked . " " Enough Stu . We 've got some extra passengers though . Isabella and her dog helped me catch a couple of men who were up to no good . I 'll round everybody up , and we can get going . " Finn had to drag Frank and James out as their binding didn 't give them much room to walk as they kept sinking into drifts . " You two sit up here by Stu . Next he lifted Isabella up , then her dog who was bounding playfully through the drifts , disappearing then popping up like out of a prairie dog hole . " " I 'll have to come back tomorrow for the horses . " Finn added , " I feel bad about leaving them without grain or hay , but getting the prisoners settled into their new jail house is a priority . " " Hey , I brought a couple of feed sacks of grain . Get in and I 'll drive you over closer to the barn door . It looks like it was facing away from the wind so the snow didn 't pile on as deep there . You 'll probably be able to pull the door open . A couple of horses whinnied from the corral . " Sure . " He got out again wading up to his hips again to open up the gate . The animals followed him like he was the Pied Piper smelling the grain in the sacks . He divided it up making the horses a little happier anyway . By the time he climbed in the sleigh beside Isabella , he was shivering uncontrollably . " Here , put the buffalo robe on you , " she offered while tucking it in around him . Stu turned back just once and winked at him , then grinned as he sent the sleigh flying over the untouched surface . It was perfect conditions for a sleigh ride . " I 've never been on a sleigh ride , " Isabella said , smiling up at him . This is a dream . " Once they got to town , Stu agreed to stay in his office to keep an eye on the prisoners . He even brought them something to eat , talking Ernie into letting him have a couple of plates of cold leftovers . The doctor was even roused to come check on James ' wounds . Welcome to my blog ! We raised three children then fost - adopted three more , two of whom are at home . I 'm a grandmother of sixteen , have 36 years experience as a pastor 's wife , married to my man over 40 years . I 've authored a book and have my other books as e - books on amazon kindle . I was an art major at Point Loma College and still like to dabble , read , write , garden , travel , enjoy my family , and am learning to cook gluten free . My pug Max and old Sweetie weiner dog and cat are my comic relief . Please comment or request to be a facebook friend . I 'd love to hear from you . " Fill your paper with the breathing of your heart . " Wordsworth Attitude of Gratitude : lost & found summertime . It 's kind of like Hank today . He didn 't show up for dinner so we knew somethin . . . Attitude of Gratitude : lost & found summertime . It 's kind of like Hank today . He didn 't show up for dinner so we knew somethin . . . " Nest , " is a more serious work of historical fiction weaving Cherokee history with that of early Tennessee and the twist of those known as Welsh Indians . It is a path back through the tragedy of Native American history with redemption as a young woman is caught between worlds trying to find true love . " As Good As Engaged " is a fun short story of a Texas campmeeting romance set in the late 1870 's . What would you do if you were raised to think that a kiss was as good as engaged when a wild cowboy steals one ? Tifani " Oh , Susannah " is named for Susannah Wesley , mother of John and Charles Wesley who lived in the 1700 's but who is an inspiration for Christian women today . We will include writings of her life , spiritual inspiration , quotes from poetic thinkers , photography , art , crafts , recipes , insights for mothers and marriage , and church life ideas . We hope to illustrate how the beauty of holiness can be infused into everyday life , whereas " The absence of beauty hardens the heart . " ( Kate Morton ) Susannah Wesley was born in 1670 in a time of great turmoil of religion . Her father was a non - conformist leader of the Dissenters from the Church of England when one could be expelled from their parish , not allowed to teach or tutor , be fined and jailed . However , at age 13 , Susannah chose the Church of England . At age 19 she married Samuel Wesley then bore 17 children including John Wesley , the founder of the Methodist and holiness churches , and his brother Charles , a prolific hymn writer . She home schooled her surviving children , even preached in her kitchen to over a hundred , more than attended her husband 's services . When she refused to pray for the king , her husband declared he could not abide under the same roof , and thus began a year 's separation while he left on " official church business , " until the king died and it became a moot point . Her children knew not to bother mother while she sat daily in her kitchen with her apron over her face having her devotions . Somehow , Susannah carved out an hour each week to spend individually with each of her many children . Later we will give her list of child raising principles . Thus a woman who bore 17 children , endured great poverty and tragedies , left such a legacy and influence on those whose creed we share with her deep thoughts and life . Oh , Susannah ! |
I feel the wanderlust and the call of the open highway . Which is good , because I drive cars for a living . But I 'm a writer , and someday hope to once again make my living using my writing skills . I had just driven into Los Angeles to deliver a Ford Fusion to a man in the Culver City area . My cell phone rang . " This is Bill . " I had sent a text to my customer , Mr . Emerson , alerting him that I 'd be there within the hour . When I drove up into his driveway , I found him standing on his front porch . By the look on his face , I thought he must be in a very bad mood . " Are you Bill ? " he asked as I climbed out of the car . " Oh really , is that your opinion ? " He dropped his head and shook it back and forth . " Listen Bill , I 'm sorry for my behavior . " " No , please hear me out . I 'm just real upset at the moment because I think my wife is going to lose her job . She works at Sony Pictures , and I 'm sure you heard about the hacking . " " How can I think about my new company car when my wife is in distress ? Why are the Koreans hacking into Sony anyhow ? Can you tell me that ? Can you please explain it ? " I shrugged . " No , I really can 't . I understand that it was mostly about a new movie that they didn 't want to see released . " " Come on Bill , pull your head out of the sand . It 's all over the internet . There were threats about attacks on the theaters showing the movie and so Sony pulled it completely . " " No , no , not at all . Nothing , nowhere . Done deal . But the real issue is my wife , you don 't know how this is affecting her . What can we do , Bill ? I really need your input . " Mr . Emerson nodded and patted me on the shoulder . " Thanks for caring enough to try to help . Do you have some paperwork for me to sign ? " " Right here . " He signed and I made a hasty retreat . I felt for the guy , but he was asking me questions that I had no answers for . Not even remotely . As I walked towards the bus stop , I found myself feeling disturbed over the news about this movie THE INTERVIEW not being released . We 've come to the point where another nation can dictate what forms of entertainment we can put out ? We are submitting to terrorism ? And does the hack attack on Sony foreshadow bigger and worse cyber attacks in the future ? My boss Riff was shouting at me on the phone yesterday , which is not at all unusual . He is a bad - tempered fellow on his best days . " The lady says you were supposed to be there to pick up her car an hour ago ! Just where the hell are you ? " " Listen to me , you little putrid pudge - ball ! I don 't care what you have to do or how , you just get your retarded ass to the pick up address . And I mean now ! " The line went dead . I called the taxi service for the third time and stressed how important it was that I be picked up promptly . This is why I had called ahead and planned in advance , which I always do . The dispatcher I spoke to sounded lethargic and not at all interested in my situation . Then I received another text from the customer whose house I was trying to get to . The fifth such text . She was growing more impatient by the minute . A fire engine red mustang pulled into the parking lot in front of the station . A giant goofy - looking man was behind the wheel . He looked me over . " Hey , are you Bob ? " " You and I have something in common then , Bob . My girlfriend is pissed at me , too . Guess we both just got our women mad at us , huh ? " " Exactly what I 'm saying , manners is the key to everything . Good relationships , good work . Course I don 't make too much money . I depend a lot on tips . . . hint , hint , hint . " Horace slammed on the brakes and gasped . It 's a miracle that the car behind us didn 't slam into our rear end . " How did you do that ? " He went on to tell me about his troubles with his girlfriend , and how he suspected her of sleeping with all his best buddies . And every few blocks , he started to turn right and ask me if this was the street . Finally , I could see the street sign " Manor Ave . " just up ahead . " OK Horace , this is it . " " If you would . " He made another U - turn and went back to Manor . When we pulled up to the ladies house , she was standing in the front yard with her arms crossed , looking very unhappy . I had the cash ready and handed Horace eighteen dollars . " Hey , you gave me too much . You said it would be fifteen dollars . " His roaring laugh reminded me of Herman Munster . " Hey Bob , you know something . You and I are a lot alike . We 're both very smart and clever and funny . We are two peas in the same pod . " My friend Julie likes to text a lot . And it always brightens my day to hear from her . She has three great kids , and a husband who I liken to a bad ass superhero . She had been texting me on my way to pick up a car just outside of Kansas City . It was the day before Thanksgiving , and I knew it was going to be another lonely holiday for me on the road . I stopped one block from the pickup address to use the restroom . While I was taking a brief rest , I texted Julie back about the car I was about to get and the customer who kept on texting me instructions . She ended each text by signing her name - - Barbie . It made me chuckle a bit , so I wrote to Julie that my customer 's name was Barbie , and I wondered if she lived in Barbie 's dream house . And I also wondered if her husband was named Ken . Then I sent the text to Julie . Only I realized a second later that I 'd accidentally sent it to Barbie . A cold chill ran up my spine , and I knew I was in deep doo - doo . Oh my goodness , this woman would be furious with me . I walked the last block to Barbie 's address , and she came out the front door all smiles . " Hello Bill , I 'm Barbie . Welcome to my dream house . " Barbie pointed at a classic Dodge Charger sitting out in the front yard . " See that car ? It 's a 1975 Dodge Charger . It 's a classic , in pristine condition . It belongs to my husband , Ken . " She passed it off with a wave of her hand . " No reason to apologize . I have a good sense of humor . And with a name like Barbie , I 've heard it all before . " She did so then handed it back to me , along with the keys to the minivan I was there to pick up . " I am a good Christian woman , and part of that means I always find forgiveness . But a word of advice ? Be more careful what you text and who you text it to in the future . " Now I really had something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving . As I drove out of there , I turned to the Guardian angel who I always imagine sitting next to me in the passenger seat and said " Thanks for getting me out of that one . Whew ! " I was driving down the highway in the Hill country of Texas , on my way to see my friends Tom and Jenny at their ranch full of dogs . I 've made no secret of the fact that I love dogs , and all dogs that I meet seem to instinctively know this . Because I am always on the road it is impractical for me to own a dog at this point , but it does my heart good to stop at the ranch . With up to 50 dogs there at any given time , I get all the canine love I can handle . I changed lanes to go around a slow car , and a car coming up behind me accelerated and began flashing their lights at me to express their extreme displeasure . " Well I guess you showed me , " I said as I looked into the rear view mirror . " I guess I 've been told off now . You flashed your lights at me , I must now hide my head in shame . I have been schooled , I 've been taught a lesson that I won 't soon forget . You really showed me who 's boss . " I chuckled to myself and pulled over to the right lane so that the speed demon could get past me in his bad Porsche . As he passed , he swerved his car at me and gave me the finger . I needed to stop for a restroom break , and saw an old country store and gas station I 've been to many times before . Just in time ! I pulled off to the side of the store , and I was startled to see a large man beating a small Beagle . The man had his belt in his hand , and was repeatedly whipping the dog with it . To make matters worse , the belt buckle was striking the little dog , and I couldn 't stand to watch . Jumping out of the car , I hurried over to the man . I don 't know if I thought somehow I would be able to reason with him , because he was in a wild rage and was screaming and cursing at the dog . " You stupid mutt , I 've had about all I 'm gonna take from you ! I got no choice but to beat you bloody , and maybe you will learn to mind your manners and obey me . " " I 'd say I 'm doing a pretty good job of it . " And the man got even more vicious with his attack on the pooch as he spoke to me . " He 's my mutt and I can do what I want with him . " The man spun around and gave me a mighty shove that dropped me onto the ground . I sat on my butt for about a split second , then heard the dog yelp . Something snapped inside of me , and I jumped to my feet and sprang towards the man swinging my arm as hard as I could . My balled up fist made contact with the side of his head , and the man dropped like a big sack of potatoes . The dog quickly ran into the crop field that surrounded the country store . I stood and stared down at the man . He was out cold , and I couldn 't believe I had knocked him out with one punch . I must have struck him in the temple . It was a lucky punch , but I was also acting out of rage . I can 't stand injustice , and it 's not right and not fair to hurt a poor animal . Rather than stand around and wait to have to explain myself to the next passerby , I jumped into my car and took off . One mile later I came to a construction site on the highway and had to come to a stop . I went onto Twitter and tweeted about what had just happened . It felt very odd to me , because I 'm a peace - loving , non - violent person who likes to avoid confrontation . Around one hour later , I pulled into the driveway leading up to Tom and Jenny 's ranch . When I pulled up to the house , Jenny came rushing out the door . When I got out of the car , she jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly . " I love you Bill ! " " It was just a punch to the head , but he passed out . " I opened the passenger door to my car , and the beagle jumped out . Jenny grabbed him up into her arms and began loving him . " Poor little guy took off running , but then I got stopped for road construction and he came running out of the field . I grabbed him up , I thought he needed a new home . " Jenny looped her arm through mine . " Come on into the house . I 'm going to fix you anything you want for supper . You 're my hero today . " I was driving through Texas last week when I got bit by a spider . It happened while I was pumping gas , and it turned out to be a brown recluse spider . My leg got all swollen up badly with infection , and I had no choice but to go to a hospital . I got very lonely there , as I always do in hospitals . I was in a city where I didn 't know anyone , so there was no chance that a living soul would come to visit me . I started to feel pretty down in the dumps by my fourth day , and then the door to my private room opened . A young pre - teen boy stepped inside , wearing a hospital gown just like I was . He reached behind his back and pulled out a folded sheet of paper . Since there are no pockets in the hospital gowns , I briefly wondered where he had been storing the poem . Then I decided it was best to just focus on the poetry and not the location it came from . " Ready ? " he asked . I was feeling frustrated . " Yes , but also two people came in and rushed him out of here . All of you are wearing those bio protection suits . " It took them 24 hours to finally decide definitively that I did not have MRSA . And I am very thankful about that , dealing with the spider bite was enough . I never saw Nate again , but his visit was very memorable . It 's always nice to have visitors when you spend time in the hospital . For a driving fool , its all about the daily routine . Driving here and there all over the United States , seeing things most Americans never get to enjoy . Meeting new people , often times oddly bizarre people . But also folks who are in need or offer me kindness just when I need it most . I have a lot of time and opportunity to study other people 's driving habits on the road . It gives me a lot of terms and definitions of my own . For instance , a few of my pet peeves include people who get into the left lane on an interstate highway and go ten miles under the speed limit . Refusing to move over to the right and let all the drivers behind them go the full , proper speed . And texting while driving is not only irritating , its insane . Robin Williams did a wonderful bit about it , explaining that your brain can 't drive and text at the same time , and one day your brain will just quit on you and let you crash . There is an event that often occurs on highways . Say you are on a large highway , like the LBJ freeway that loops around Dallas . It has four lanes going in each direction . The far left lane , or number one lane , along with number two and three lanes , will collect three drivers who go side by side . All of them at the exact same speed , usually five to ten miles below the posted speed limit . I call this BUILDING A WALL . I constantly find myself jumping over into the number four lane , aka the slow lane , to whip around them and get down the road . And then there are those folks who like to drive in clumps . They want to be in a group , as close as they possibly can to the other cars . And some drivers seem to think driving is like swimming , you need the buddy system . A car will speed up behind me , and when they are directly behind me they lock in on my tail and stay right with me . This irritates me , so I speed up considerably . They stay right with me . So I slow down , sometimes as far as twenty miles below the speed limit . But they slow down the exact same amount . I 've had to go so far as to just pull over on the shoulder of the highway so these parasites will go away . I call them SNUGGLE BUNNIES . There are the pleasant moments on the road , however . Such as when I 'm driving and suddenly notice that there is a clump of cars 100 yards ahead of me . And there is another clump of cars 100 yards behind me . But I am in a space all alone . I call this being in a POCKET . When this happens , I just immediately feel a sense of joy and pleasure wash over me . I smile and relax and careen down the road on my way to my next adventure . A driving fool rides again ! Two days ago I heard the report on the radio as I was driving a car from Chicago to Reno . Actor - comedian Robin Williams , dead at 63 , from what appeared to be a suicide . My heart sunk like never before . I felt like a thousand bricks had fallen on my head all at one time . Celebrities die all the time , and I may feel a passing sadness . But this felt like a close friend or family member dying . Not just that , but a brilliant comic genius , an energetic force of nature , one that had never come before or would ever come after . The fact that it was a suicide made it that much more difficult for me . One of my closest friends ever went out like that , and thus I have a big problem with suicide . For my friend , I felt deep sadness , then anger , then regret , then betrayl , then denial , then profound grief . In this case , how could this man who could make millions laugh take his own life ? I felt myself tearing up . And so I thought back to happier times , when I very first met this amazing man . When I watched Robin on MORK & MINDY , I felt I was discovering something completely new and wonderful in the comedy world . This guy was incredible , and the way his quicksilver mind worked boggled my imagination . It was Robin Williams that made me want to move to L . A . in the 80 's . And once there , it was him performing weekly at The Comedy Store in Hollywood that made me want to do the same . And so I did . I was with a group called the Pot Luck Players , and we opened the show in the Improv room every Monday night . Robin was in the final group of the evening , The Comedy Store players . I would watch him with undying admiration , wanting to meet him but not wanting to be like every fan that pesters a star . I had a part time job working as head usher at a movie theater , and one night I did a favor for one of Robin 's cohorts . Jim Stahl , who performed with him at " The Store " and on MORK & MINDY came in with two girls on his arm to see a movie that was already sold out . I found a way to find him 3 seats together , and he told me he owed me one . " And here 's what I want , " I told him . " I perform on Monday nights , and would really appreciate it if you could introduce me to Robin . " That Monday night I got there early and sat myself at the table right next to the curtained entry way to back stage . Around 10pm , Jim leaned out and wiggled his finger for me to follow him . I walked behind the stage and saw Robin bouncing nervously from foot to foot , rubbing his hands in eager anticipation . He looked like he was about to explode . Jim said , " Robin Williams , I have the great pleasure of introducing you to the one , the only Bill Thomas . " Robin leaped over to me and grabbed my hand , pumping my arm for all it was worth . " Oh my God , this the most wonderful moment of my life ! I can 't believe this is happening to me . I mean Bill Thomas ! One dreams of moments like this , but never thinks they will happen . What a pleasure to meet you , what an honor , what a challenge . I 'm such a big fan , such a big fan ! " He went on like that , and then started bouncing off the walls doing comedy just for me . Improving and riffing about anything and everything . It climaxed with him opening the Emergency exit doors onto Sunset Blvd . , where he started a conversation with 3 hookers as if he were their black pimp . After that , I saw him many times performing , both at The Comedy Store and The Improv . I have a distinctive laugh , and he recognized it several times while performing and would point to me , always sitting right down front . He was absolutely amazing , and I am just so darned depressed and frustrated that he is gone . It leaves a big hole that can never be filled . He had such an influence on so many people , and now he is gone . He left behind wonderful films , from THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP to GOOD MORNING VIETNAM to MRS . DOUBTFIRE . He will be missed very much . I have a huge lump in my throat that won 't go away . But my own personal thank you to the man who is now finally at peace . Robin Williams , you made a 20 year old kid feel very special and important one memorable night at The Comedy Store . My comic hero , gone but never forgotten . As careful of a driver as I am , even a driving fool gets a traffic ticket now and then . In this case , it was nearly one month ago in Naples , Florida , and it was for doing 37mph in a zone marked 35mph . It felt a little extreme to me , so I called a place I heard advertised on the radio all over Florida to help you fight traffic tickets . I was required to appear with my lawyer just yesterday in a courtroom in Naples . When I arrived , I was surprised by the amount of odd and very unusual people waiting to plead their cases . I suddenly felt like I was in a room full of " Bill 's people , " the strange folks who find me wherever I travel and are drawn to me like I 'm a weirdo magnet . The Judge came in and sat at his bench . I noticed that there was an old fashioned telephone on the edge of his desk ( or bench ) . It was a black phone with a dial on it instead of push buttons . The Judge introduced himself , and then explained the rules and procedures . " But above all , " he said , " I insist that you be prepared and just tell me guilty or not guilty . Understood ? " " That 's the thing , your Honor , it 's not a black and white matter . It kinda falls into a gray area . Know what I 'm sayin ' ? " " Sure you do . I 'm a good man , a real good man . Oh sure , I 've stolen cars and robbed ladies ' purses , but I think we 've all done that , right ? " " Judge , I need you to know that prison is not for me . I 'm not a prison person . If you send me to prison , I won 't come out a better man , but instead I will come out being a bad ass criminal . Now do you want to be responsible for that ? " The Judge shook his head in frustration . " Why don 't you take your seat and think long and hard about how you want to plead . I will call your name when I 'm ready for you , after everyone else . " The bailiff did so as the grungy fellow made his way angrily back to his seat . A very large obese latina woman came waddling up to the podium next . The Judge stared at her very intently . " Guilty or not guilty ? " The Judge interrupted quickly " Guilty , " and pounded his gavel . The woman continued to speak , but the bailiff went over and firmly yet politely escorted her to the courtroom doors . And then my name was called . I was a bit concerned because my attorney had not yet arrived . I slowly walked up to the podium , and just as the Judge spoke to me my lawyer ran in and came rushing to my side . My attorney chuckled . " Yes your Honor , of course you 're right . " Then my attorney whispered to me . " Hi , I 'm sorry to be late . We met on the phone . Jason Biggins , at your service . " We shook hands . Then he turned to the impatient Judge . " Your honor , what we are dealing with today is a serious miscarriage of justice to the most heinous degree . " " Guilty or not guilty ? " asked the Judge . And then the phone rang . The Judge held up a finger towards me and Jason to indicate for us to pause . The Judge answered . " Yes ? What ? When did this happen ? And what did you do ? Oh , I see . How much did they say it was going to cost ? How much ? Are you kidding me ? OK , I will speak to you later . " The Judge hung up and seemed very distracted and lost in thoughts . " Your Honor , Mr . Thomas is a respected man and a professional driver . He was passing through our fair town one month ago when - - " The Judge held up a finger again to pause Jason . " Did you have a question for me , your Honor ? " " Yes I do . My wife just called and said that a large rock hit her car windshield and caused a large crack . How much do you think it will cost to replace the windshield ? " " Come now , you are an intelligent man . My wife says she was told that it would cost around $ 500 . Does that sound right to you ? " " In retrospect , I suppose you are correct . That is too high . " The Judge paused and pondered for a full minute . Jason seemed to not know what to do or say at this point . Finally , the Judge spoke . " Do you have a motion ? " " Granted . " The Judge pounded his gavel . " We 're going to take a recess now , we will start again right after lunch . 1pm sharp , do not be late . " He pounded the gavel once more , then hurried out of the courtroom . I looked at my watch and it was only 9 : 45am . Short session . Jason beamed at me as we walked out of the courtroom . " Told you I 'd get you off . " Indeed he did . But that had to be the most oddly interesting display of American justice I 've ever witnessed . As I drove up through upstate New York last weekend , I felt very concerned about the car I was driving . It belonged to an old man , a snow bird , and he had packed the car so full that I could not see out the back window . My rear view mirror was completely useless . And the front seat passenger side was completely full from floor to roof , making it extremely tight to settle into . I had to squeeze my backpack onto the console , and it rubbed up against me as I drove . " No problem . I should be there in an hour . " I hung up and smiled as I peered at my Mapquest directions . I was going to a town in New York called Skaneateles , but to me it sounded like Skinny Atlas . I had nothing but trouble driving it up from Naples , Florida . The car was overloaded and completely unsafe . And Maggie had been calling me once an hour every hour since I started this trip . Just over an hour later , I pulled into her driveway . Maggie was standing in the driveway doing stretching exercises , and she marched straight over to the car with her hand out . " Where 's my money ? " she demanded . I shook my head . " No need . " I pulled out my wallet and gave her the cash . " Ready to go ? " I asked , wondering how we could both possibly fit into this car . I reluctantly followed her inside of her filthy house . The first thing I noticed were the dolls , because there must have been hundreds of them , all lined up along the walls and on shelves . The smallest were the size of a Barbie doll , but there were some three feet tall . It was really strange to me , and reminded me of a movie about killer dolls that come to life and attack people . She hurried into the kitchen and came back with two mugs of steaming hot coffee . I didn 't want any , but thought I could just blow on it and pretend to sip it . She turned on the TV and Gilligan 's Island was on . " Oh this is good . Do you ever watch this show ? It 's about seven stranded castaways who went on a three hour tour . And now they are stranded on this island . It 's very dramatic and thought provoking . " " You just slow down , hot rod . Keep your pants on , there 's no big rush . Besides , I have to wake up my partner , well , my boyfriend , before we go . " She busted out laughing . " And just how am I supposed to do that ? Read the directions upside down , from right to left . " I didn 't understand what she meant , and so I simply remained mum . She chattered fast non - stop for thirty minutes , then looked at her watch . " Guess its time to go wake up my partner , I 'm sorry , I mean my boyfriend . " Maggie came back into the den where I was sitting , and she was all smiles . " He 'll be here in a minute . Um , if you could , please don 't mention anything about minority people to him . He really hates them a lot . If he owned a gun , I hate to think what he 'd do . " Her boyfriend came trudging down the hall from the bedroom . He was shirtless , and had his hands down the front of his sweat pants scratching his privates . " Are we gonna take your Dad 's car ? " He spun around and pointed his finger at my face . " Did I ask you ? Was I even talking to you ? " I shook my head No . He looked at Maggie . " Get me a cup of that awful coffee you make , you toxic Tinkerbell . " " Oh , shut the hell up , " she said as she went to get his coffee . He looked very slovenly , and I didn 't even know his name . She walked back with another mug of coffee , and said " Here you go , Maurice . " " Shut your freakin ' pie hole , would you ? " He walked out the front door , and we followed . We all piled into her car , and he told her that she would be driving . " Don 't kill us all like usual . " " I don 't like it . But we 'll talk about that later . " She turned and looked at me . " Maurice is a bit of a night owl , you know . " For over a decade , Mother 's Day has been a tough day for me to get through . Since my Mom and brother were killed by a drunk driver , it affected me deeply and I think of her a lot . Mom and I had argued a lot , and when she died we hadn 't patched things up . It felt like we had unfinished business . I 'm a big believer now in telling the people you love just how much they mean to you . On Mother 's Day , I found myself in Austin , TX . I was going to stay overnight and deliver my car the next morning . So I went to get provisions at the local grocery store , food for dinner and breakfast the next day . As I walked up and down the aisles of the grocery store , I had the eerie sense that I was being watched . But I tend to be a bit on the paranoid side , so I ignored the feeling . A few minutes later , I looked down the aisle and saw a woman staring right at me . I made a U - turn and went two aisles down . As I looked at the shelves , I saw her once again watching me intently . This time , I grabbed my cart and walked to the other side of the store , as far as I could go . I stood there for a few minutes , just wasting time . And then I felt a tap on my shoulder and nearly jumped out of my skin . I turned to see the woman who had been following me . She had a very tragic look on her face . " Yes ma ' am , how can I help you ? " I meet strange people on a daily basis as I drive . I classify them as " Bill 's people " , the odd folks who like to pop up and creep me out at the most inconvenient times . I could barely wait to hear what was coming . " Go ahead and give me a try . " And with those words , I was suddenly feeling a change in my thinking . I felt empathy for this woman , whatever she had to say . " I can relate to that . " " Five years ago , my son and I had a terrible argument one Saturday night . Things were said , mean and nasty things . He was furious when he stormed out of the house . " She began to sniffle . " My son was killed that night when a dumptruck 's brakes failed to function . He died , being mad at his mother . Do you know how horrible that is ? " " Yes . I know that I have no right to ask you , but . . . The thing of it is , I never got to say goodbye to my son . Is there any way you might consider just saying goodbye mother ? " Beverly nodded . " I understand . It was presumptious of me to ask you that . God bless and have a nice day . " She turned and walked off , pushing her cart loaded down with items . I wandered around the store for a while , lost in thought . A million memories of my own Mom , and thoughts of Beverly who had the same lack of closure with her own son . One half hour later , I pushed my cart to one of the cashier stations . And who should be right in front of me but Beverly . She smiled at me and said " Hello , Bill . " I nodded and smiled back at her , starting to open my mouth but not knowing what to say . She grabbed her cart full of groceries in plastic bags and started for the door . Suddenly I blurted out " Goodbye Mom . " She turned at me and smiled sweetly , and then she hurried out as if washed away by waves of emotion . The cashier rang up my ten items , and then announced I would owe him one hundred fifty one dollars . I asked him to repeat , as I was certain I misunderstood . He repeated it for me , and I felt full of confusion . " It 's the combined price for you and your mother 's groceries . She said her son Bill was paying . " And so I did . I ran out to the parking lot to see if I could find her , but she was long gone . I had been conned . But at the same time , I had experience a weird and unexpected form of closure regarding my own mom . On Mother 's Day . As I drove across the Florida panhandle today , I was assaulted by pouring rain and furious thunder . And of course , the lightning that goes with it . I had been warned by the weatherman to expect tornadoes in the area , just like the ones that had done so much damage in Mississippi just days before . I could feel the wind pushing and shoving at the van I was driving , and it was much more than worrisome . I was getting very scared , very fast . I said a prayer without closing my eyes , and just then my cell phone rang . It was my boss Riff , and his typical nasty mood was far from an answer to my prayers . " What are you doing , loser ? " " Whoa now , you 're not doing it for me . Don 't go acting like you 're doing me some big favor . No sir , you are moving that van for our client . " " Riff , I am in terrible weather , and I need to keep both hands on the wheel . Talk to you later . " And then I hung up before he had a chance to say another word . Moments later , the phone rang again , and I answered , " Look Riff , you - - " " Nope , not Riff , " the voice interrupted me . It was the voice of Pastor Rex , my old friend and spiritual adviser . " Just me , your old buddy Rex . " " No need , " he said to me . " God is your co - pilot . He is watching over you , shrouding you in the hedge of protection . He will get you safely to your destination . " " He does indeed . " We spoke for a few minutes , then I excused myself so I could keep both hands on the wheel . I was getting low on gas , and I needed to use the restroom . I got off at the next exit with a truck stop , and pulled up to the pumps . When I stepped out of the van , a gust of wind hit me that felt like it would knock me over . I slid my credit card into the slot in the pump , then removed the handle . I heard a girl 's voice as I pumped the gas . " Excuse me , sir ? " She was an older woman dressed as a young girl . Her blonde hair was in pigtails , and her little girl 's dress was worn and tattered . " Have you seen my dog ? " she asked me . She was clearly one of what I call Bill 's people . The odd folks around the USA who always seem to find me and engage me with their zaniness . " Sorry , I can 't help you . " " Of course I do , don 't be ridiculous . " A strong gust of wind picked up trash and paper and spun them around in a small funnel . The girl looked terrified and screamed . Then she ran away yelling , " Uncle Henry , Auntie Em , it 's a twister , it 's a twister ! " I have grown to love some cars very much . The Cadillac , for example . It is so comfortable and so state of the art that it nearly drives itself . Not many people I drive for have them , but I 'm always glad when they do . Soft seats , great stereo , and you don 't feel a single bump in the road . My favorite customer who drives one is sweet old Mrs . Sherman . Every December I drive her car from Maryland down to Florida . And then in May I drive it back up to Maryland , just like clockwork . This year , she called me the first week of April and said she needed it to go up early . I told her to call my boss Riff to make the formal arrangements and payment . The day before I was set to pick up at her lovely home in southwest Florida , she called me . " Hello ? Hello ? " " Well , I had an idea . My son is driving me to the airport in Sarasota tomorrow to fly back to my Maryland home , and I wondered if you might meet us there . Then you could take my car and get on the road , while we get on a plane and fly , fly away . " This would work out especially well for me . I would not have to drive nearly as far south , and I could turn in my rental car at the Sarasota airport and just wait for them to arrive . " Absolutely , no problem . " The next day , I got up extra early and I arrived in Sarasota at 9 : 30am . As I pulled into the entrance to the airport , my cell phone rang . " This is Bill . " " Bill , I just had an idea . What if you meet my son and I at the airport today and then you can take off from there . Would that work out for you ? " About fifteen minutes before she was set to arrive , I grabbed a wheelchair and went out to the curb . While she can get around fine with a cane , I knew that she used a wheelchair at the airport to get on and off the plane . It 's a long way from the ticket counter to the gate for an elderly lady . Just a few minutes after 11am , I saw her Cadillac pull up to the curb . I opened her door and she said , " Oh Bill , you are wonderful . How did you know that I 'd need a wheelchair ? " Her son got out and introduced himself . He got two small carry on bags out of the back seat , but Mrs . Sherman began to fret over wanting to take more luggage with her . Her son reminded her that I was going to deliver it with the car , so they didn 't have to worry with much themselves while traveling . " But , but . . . " she sputtered . " But when Bill takes off , I don 't know when I 'll ever see him or my car again . " " Bill , I brought you something . I know how you love my baking , so I made you a batch of cookies . " She pulled out a huge freezer bag stuffed with cookies . " They are black licorice cookies , with gumdrops and jawbreakers baked right into them . Yummy . " I got into the car and started driving north . I noticed that the odometer only had 200 more miles on it since I had dropped it off in Florida back in December . Don 't ask me how I remember , I just do . My cell phone rang , and it was Mrs . Sherman . She is quite a lady . 97 years old and still going strong . She keeps on rolling and never stops , just like the Eveready bunny . Or the Terminator . She 's the Shermanator , and I admire her a lot . I snuggled back into the comfy seats , and turned on the Sirius radio . Have I mentioned how much I enjoy driving a Cadillac ? Just last weekend , I was on my way to visit my good friend Lisa in North Carolina . I call her Lisa the Lioness because she is so fiercely protective of me at all times . I love her to death , and she treats me like a brother . Or as a lioness , one of her cubs . She smiled and gave me a light punch on the shoulder . " Of course not , I 'm so happy to see you . And I have a really big favor to ask you . " " Well , there 's a catch . It 's only playing in one theater that 's 60 miles from here . I can 't drive , so . . . " " Never heard of it . " " What ? You 've never heard of it ? Mr . Movie , the man who sees everything , and you 've never even heard of it . " Lisa patted me on the back . " I 'm just teasing you . The thing is , there 's a show today in two hours I was hoping to go see . I 've been wanting to see this movie for a long time , ever since I read about it . " I nodded . " Well , its a Sunday , and that sounds like a faith based movie . So most of the audience would just be getting out of church and won 't go to the early matinee . " " Just have to grab my purse . " She opened the front door and her small dog Bailey came zooming out and made a beeline for me . He was jumping in the air , and when I bent down to pet him , he peed on my shoe . " Bailey , no ! " Lisa ran over and took a wet wipe out of her purse . I grabbed it and wiped off my shoe , but still gave Bailey the attention he deserved . " He gets excited sometimes . " " I know you do . " She took Bailey inside and we got in the car to leave . We had a nice drive to the theater , and caught up on what had been going in each other 's lives . Lisa also filled me in on the little bit she knew about the movie . From what she said , I thought we were going to see a documentary . When we arrived a the theater , I was very surprised by how crowded the parking lot was . " It looks pretty busy . I betcha that the majority of the crowd is here to see the new movie DIVERGENT . " She shrugged . " You can see something else if you want to . " I stepped up to the box office and bought us two tickets for GOD ' S NOT DEAD . Inside the auditorium , it was very full , but not quite as bad as we 'd been led to believe . We found two seats in the fourth row . Definitely a lot closer than I like to sit , but a whole lot better than the front row . The movie was surprisingly moving and not the least bit preachy . Kevin Sorbo plays an atheist college Professor who forces all of his students on day one of school to sign a contract agreeing that God is Dead . But one student believes in God and refuses to sign . So he is goaded into making a cogent case for the existence of God . The classroom scenes had a David and Goliath feeling to them , and the sold out audience was very much into the movie . It had been a long time since I 'd been in a movie that had such an emotional impact on the crowd . Lisa cried several times . I felt a lump in my throat . After the movie , we both went to the restroom . I could see that the line to the Ladies Room was much longer than the Men 's Room . When I was finished , I stepped outside and waited for Lisa . A young man was sitting on the sidewalk , leaning up against the building , and he seemed upset . " You expect me to dig through the Holy Bible and try to find the answers ? To interpret what they write and figure it all out ? " His agitation level was clearly rising . He came to his feet and got in my face , shouting . " But I 've done some really bad things in my life . I 've stolen , I 've slept with whores , I drink , I smoke , I 've done all kinds of drugs ! " Lisa walked up and interrupted brusquely . " What 's going on here ? Is there a problem ? " She walked between me and this young man , forcing him to let go of me . I smiled . " Everything is fine . We were just chatting . " I took out my wallet and pulled out a business card . " I may not be best qualified . If you really do want answers , call this man . He 's my friend Pastor Rex , and he will be more than happy to explain everything in terms you can understand . " Lisa and I walked away . She gave me a long , hard look . " I walked up and thought you were being harassed by one of ' Bill 's people ' like I read about in your blogs . " " I 'm glad that was the case , for his sake . Because no one messes with my Bill . " She put her arm around my waist and gave me a squeeze . I love Lisa , and I loved seeing this movie with her . A friend asked me last week what was the best car I had ever driven in my eleven years at Drivers of America . I pondered this question all day yesterday as I was driving in the Pacific Northwest , up the west coastline . I mostly drive sedans , minivans , SUV and pickup trucks . Probably more Ford and Chevy cars than anything else , even though I have driven a fair share of Mercedes , Jaguars , Volvos , and Beemers . I guess if it weren 't for the car , I wouldn 't be going anywhere . I often tell stories of the places I go and the odd people I meet there . But rarely do I give a shout out to the magical marvels of transport that get me there . The automobile . Each one has its own personality and its own story . Although I always go for comfort , I never sat on the rich Corinthian leather that Ricardo Montalban used to go on about in his post - KHAN days . Now there are leather seats , seat warmers , and adjustments that can put your seat into just about any position that you choose . Oh , and did I mention the lumbar support feature ? Once in a while , I get a car with Sirius radio , and that 's always a treat . As I was thinking about the car and the drive , I thought about what I don 't like when traveling . Number one is traffic , and I go way out of my way to avoid any big city at rush hour . Morning or evening . I just like driving in a place where there 's lots of space around me . I always assume that everyone else on the road is about to swerve their car at me in the blink of an eye . That way I am always prepared for anything . But the more space around your car and distance from other drivers , the less likely that is to happen . When I am out on a remote stretch of highway and there are no cars in sight , sometimes I wish for a little less space around me . Times like that can make a man a little stir crazy . If I 'm tired enough , I 've been known to see things . And if I 'm bored enough , I have imagined a Broadway musical being performed on the dashboard of the car . Complete with leaps and high kicks and beautiful dancing girls . I am going to start paying more attention to the cars I am driving . And I might suggest that you do the same . We often take cars for granted , but try to imagine your life without them . It would take a lot longer to get around on foot , or horseback , or skateboard . Cars are my livelihood , but what 's more important , cars are my friends . There 's something about a car . And as I was thinking about all of this , Jimmy Buffett came on the Sirius radio station singing " SOMETHIN ' ' BOUT A BOAT . " That gives me an idea for a name for this blog ! I had taken a car to Miami , and my old buddy John Hazzard asked if I could give him a ride to Orlando . I picked up a new car to take up to Atlanta , so it was right on my path . As I neared John 's office building , my cell phone rang . " This is Bill . " " Don 't take that attitude with me , jelly belly . I need you to pick up that car in Miami just as soon as you drop off the other one . It has to be in Atlanta by tomorrow night . " He grumbled . " Then get your fat ass to Atlanta , because there is another car there going to Salt Lake City . Do you think you can manage that , my little sunflower seed ? " " I 'll call you from Atlanta , Riff . " I hung up , then turned the corner to see John standing in front of the building in downtown Miami . He had a briefcase in one hand and pulled along a rolling suitcase , both of which he threw into the back seat . As he sat in the front passenger seat , I could see that he was dressed impeccably as usual . " Hello old friend , " he said , extending his hand to shake . I took his hand and shook , then pulled into traffic and started the journey . " By the by , my secretary Miss Coral sends her best wishes to you . She is quite a fan of your blog , you know . " " Speaking of your blogs , the last one was incredible . This wiseguy tells you that he knew your Dad and that he may be still alive ? And you are going to be looking for him , with the possibility of the Russian mob following you ? Have I got all of that right ? " " For pity 's sake , are your blogs turning into the TV series DALLAS ? Where an entire misbegotten season was just Pam 's dream ? If you were going to write about a dream , you might have ended the blog stating that what had been written all happened while you slept . It was all in your mind . " " This is really a fascinating case . I was retained by a family with an unusual mixed breed dog named Gus . He was a rescue dog , and the family grew to love him very much . They wanted me to help nail down the movie rights or story rights about Gus . " " As I wrote to you , this is a very unique dog . He began arranging children 's toys and building blocks into patterns . Sort of odd , sort of cute , very unusual . Then one day , the dog spelled the word ' me ' John shook his head . " I don 't believe he could . The dog began to spell more and more words with the blocks , of course always when no one was looking . They set up a video camera one day and actually caught the dog placing the blocks in his mouth and setting them up to spell the words . That 's when they called me . " " No idea , buddy . It doesn 't look like he was stolen . All evidence to the contrary . It appears he simply ran off . But he did leave a message in toy blocks in the lawn that said , " He 's coming . " " I am going to tie up the movie rights for them . This just became a more valuable movie project than before . " He turned to me slowly and squinted his eyes . " Bill , do you suppose this conversation will become one of your blogs ? " " Can you blame me if it does ? It 's one heck of a tale . " John reached over and pinched me hard . I jumped in my seat . " Hey ! What was that for ? " " I just wanted you to be sure that this wasn 't all a dream . " I had just dropped off a car in Las Vegas , and my boss Riff called and really pissed me off with his rantings . I hung up on him and decided to relax for a day and enjoy the sights . Gambling , free drinks while you gamble , beautiful women , great shows . Viva Las Vegas ! At 3pm I sat down at a Blackjack table at the MGM Grand . I don 't gamble much , but when I do I like Blackjack , and am usually pretty lucky when I play . This day was no exception . I sat down with $ 20 to bet , and within 30 minutes I was up $ 200 . I didn 't win every hand , but I won enough , and doubled down at all the right moments . I 'm no expert , just a good friend of Lady Luck . One hour later , I was up to $ 540 . I might have had more if I was at a table with larger minimum bets , but I am a very cautious gambler . I could never get rich at the tables , I think I 'm way too careful for that . As I pondered how much longer I should ride this good streak , two large men stepped up behind me and made themselves known . " Excuse me , Mr . Thomas . " I looked them both over . They were well dressed , but big and beefy . They looked like bodyguards or muscle or some such . " What 's this about ? Have I done something wrong ? " So I wrapped it up at the table and tipped the lovely dealer , then got up and walked with these dignified goons . One of them walked in front of me , one of them behind me . I began to feel like I was in one of those noir detective films , where the Big Boss sends his boys to get the gumshoe and bring him in for a beating . I was taken out the front door and led to a white super stretch limousine . The guy in front of me opened the door and motioned me in . I climbed in the back and saw a man who looked like he could be from the cast of GOODFELLAS . " Hello Bill Thomas , I 'm Joey Salerno . Real pleasure to make your acquaintance . " He held his hand out to shake . The car door closed behind me , and the car took off . I stared at Joey 's hand , then took it and shook . He looked like he was really happy to see me . He grinned from ear to ear . " Good question . When I give you an answer , you are gonna have about a million more questions . " " Well , I 'm kind of nervous Joey . I was minding my own business when your boys came and grabbed me up - - " Time stood still for a moment . My ears turned very hot and began to ring . I felt all numb , then I felt like a ton of bricks fell on my head . " Excuse me , did you say . . . ? " I gave my cheek a slap just to be certain I was wide awake . It stung , but at least I knew I had not imagined this . " How did you know him ? " " Larry and I met in the army . We served together , and became fast friends . In fact , we became so close you could say we were brothers . " Joey shook his head sadly . " Bill , it 's a long story , but suffice it to say that your father got in bed with some wrong people . He didn 't know it , he thought he was doing legit accounting work . " " Yes , Larry was amazing with numbers . A real genius . But anyway , let 's just say he got sideways of the wrong guys . He didn 't know Russian mobsters were behind his employers . And when he learned too much , he became a liability . He needed to disappear . " " No , he wanted to take his family with him . But your mother made him crazy , and he knew they couldn 't stay together . So he left on his own . You were born eight months later . " " He didn 't even find out about you until a few years later . And he kept up with you as you grew , but he couldn 't step out of the shadows long enough to see you . Plus , he would have had to contend with your mother . " " Honestly , I haven 't heard from him in years . Last time he got in touch he was living in Oregon . But you travel around the country , maybe you 'll find him . " " I 've been looking for you for a long time . Then this morning , I see you at the MGM Grand , and you are the spitten image of your dad . No kidding , you even sound like him . So fate brought you to my door . " " I 'm not convinced the Russian mob is done looking for him . They have long memories , and your dad knows things that could do them harm . A lot of harm . " Joey and I drove around Vegas and talked for a few hours . He told me a lot of really great stories about my father , who I knew very little about . Then he took me out for a very nice dinner , and got me a suite at the Mirage hotel for the night . He gave me his contact info and said to call him anytime for anything . My life just took a dramatic but interesting turn . Posted by I was walking up to the door of Mrs . Sherman 's house in Maryland to pick up her car for the annual trip south . It would be my first car delivery of 2014 , and while I normally got her car each year just before Christmas , this year she had delayed until after the holidays . My cell phone rang just as I got to the front porch . " This is Bill . " " Oh Bill , good , I 'm so glad I reached you , " said sweet , elderly Mrs . Sherman . She was a kind woman , but her age seemed to affect her mind . " Aren 't you coming today to pick up my car today to drive to Florida ? " " Bill , I 'm going to have to put you on hold . Someone is at my front door . " I could hear her setting the phone down , and a few minutes later she opened the front door . " Oh , hello Bill . I was just thinking of calling you and finding out where you were . " " Yes , it sure is . " And it was , the temperature hovering just above zero , and the wind chill way below zero . There was snow on the ground , and I knew driving conditions would not be optimal . She led me into her kitchen , and she paused to pick up the phone receiver that laid on the table . She put the phone up to her ear and said , " Listen , I 'm sorry , but I have company right now . I will have to call you back later . Bye bye . " She hung up the phone and turned to smile at me . " I 'm 96 years old now , but I still have friends and I 'm still very popular . " " Well , you shouldn 't be . Now , you have a long trip ahead and the weather is horrible . So I need to give you some trips on driving my car . You need to watch out for the hail that may come down . It looks like rain , only its small frozen balls , sometimes the size of a marble , sometimes the size of a golf ball . We call it hail , but not hell like in the home of Satan the devil . Hail like in all hail the king . Understand ? " " Good . I also want you to watch out for the black and blue ice . You 'll find patches of ice on the road and you can 't see them , but when you hit them you 'll know it . We call it black and blue ice because if you hit it , you can spin the car and crash , and then you 'll be all black and blue . If you survive . " We talked a bit more and then I got her to sign the paperwork and I left . The drive was already tricky , with other cars on the road zigging and zagging erratically , as if they didn 't notice the bad weather conditions . My cell phone rang , and I saw it was Karen , the love of my life . " This is Bill . " " I 've called you three times and left messages . And I dropped by your Cafe in Richmond , but you weren 't there . Didn 't anyone tell you ? " " Yep , got it covered . " I had another call coming in . " Riff , I have to go . " I hung up on him and picked up the new call . " This is Bill . " " Hello Bill , this is Mrs . Sherman . Now are you coming to pick up my car today to take to Florida ? I was expecting you to be here already . " |
I don 't know if you have ever spent any time with first graders . But there is only one word to describe them . And that word is ANIMALS . My name is Steve Boswell , and I am in the sixth grade . I may not be the smartest guy at Walnut Avenue Middle School . But I know one thing for sure : First graders are animals . Miss Curdy , the gym teacher , grabbed me as I was letting the squirrel out of its box . The squirrel ran across the gym to the bleachers . The kids in the bleachers all jumped up and started running and screaming and acting crazy . She gave me a choice of punishments . One : I could come into the gym after school every day and inflate basketballs - by mouth - until my head exploded . Or two : I could coach the first - grade soccer team . A lot of people think that Chuck and I are best friends because we look so much alike . We 're both tall and thin . We both have straight brown hair and dark brown eyes . We both wear baseball caps most of the time . Sometimes people think we 're brothers ! " Okay , listen up , Hogs ! " I shouted . I wasn 't making fun of them . That 's the name they voted for their team . Do you believe it ? The Walnut Avenue Hogs . Andrew Foster grabbed the whistle I wear around my neck and blew it in my face . Then Duck Benton tromped down hard on my new sneakers . Everyone calls him Duck because he quacks all the time . He and Andrew thought that was a riot . Then Marnie Rosen jumped up behind me , threw her arms around my neck , and climbed on my back . Marnie has curly red hair , freckles all over her face , and the most evil grin I ever saw on a kid . " Give me a ride , Steve ! " she shouted . " I want a ride ! " " Marnie - get off me ! " I cried . I tried to loosen her grip on my neck . She was choking me . The Hogs were all laughing now . Have you ever watched six - year - olds play soccer ? It 's chase and kick , chase and kick . Everybody chase the ball . Everybody try to kick it . I try to teach them positions . I try to teach them how to pass the ball to each other . I try to teach them teamwork . But all they want to do is chase and kick , chase and kick . Andrew Foster kicked a big clump of dirt on my jeans as he ran by . He acted as if it were an accident . But I knew it was deliberate . Then Duck Benton got into a shoving fight with Johnny Myers . Duck watches hockey games on TV with his dad , and he thinks you 're supposed to fight . Some days Duck doesn 't chase after the ball at all . He just fights . " Okay , Hogs - see you tomorrow ! " I shouted . I started to trot off the playground . Their parents or baby - sitters would be waiting for them in front of the school . Some kids stepped back , and I spotted a soccer ball on the grass . Marnie Rosen smiled at me through her freckles . " Hey , Steve , can you kick a goal from here ? " " One of the kids lives across the street . He had his friends help roll a ball of concrete to the school , " I explained . " Painted white and black to look like a soccer ball . Solid concrete . They had it there on the field . They asked me to kick a goal and - and - " My voice caught in my throat . I couldn 't finish . I groaned and rubbed my aching foot . It wasn 't really broken . But it hurt . A lot . I shifted my backpack on my shoulders and leaned back against the tree . " Lucky guess . " He stepped up beside me . I could see that he was thinking hard . Chuck always scrunches up his face when he 's trying to think . " It 's almost Halloween , " he said finally . " Maybe we could think of some way to scare them . I mean , really scare them . " His dark eyes lit up with excitement . A few days later , Chuck and I were walking home from the playground . It was a cold , windy afternoon . Dark storm clouds rose up in the distance . Just as we started , Andrew Foster lowered his head and came at me full speed . He weighs about a thousand pounds , and he has a very hard head . He plowed into my stomach and knocked the wind out of me . I rolled around on the ground for a few minutes , groaning and choking and gasping . The kids thought it was pretty funny . Andrew claimed it was an accident . I 'm going to get you guys back , I vowed to myself . I don 't know how . But I 'm going to get you guys . Chuck met me after practice . He 'd started doing that now . He knew that after one hour with the first graders , I usually needed help getting home . " I hate them , " I muttered . " Do you know how to spell hate ? H - O - G - S . " My torn coat collar flapped in the swirling wind . " Why don 't you make all of them practice with a concrete ball ? " Chuck suggested . He adjusted his Cubs cap over his hair . " No . Wait . I 've got it . Let them take turns being the ball ! " " No . No good , " I replied , shaking my head . The sky darkened . The trees shook , sending a shower of dead leaves down around us . My sneakers crunched over the leaves . " I don 't want to hurt them , " I told Chuck . " I just want to scare them . I just want to scare them to death . " As we crossed the street , I noticed two girls from our class walking on the other side . I recognized Sabrina Mason 's black ponytail swinging behind her as she hurried along the sidewalk . And next to her , I recognized her friend Carly Beth Caldwell . He pushed me against the rough bark of the tree trunk . " Ssshhh . They haven 't seen us . " He motioned with his eyes toward the two girls . Chuck and I took bets on who could scare Carly Beth the most and who could make her scream . I guess it was kind of mean . But it was funny too . Last Halloween Chuck and I had a horrible scare . Carly Beth wore the most frightening mask I had ever seen . It wasn 't a mask . It was like a living face . It was so ugly , so real . It glared at us with evil , living eyes . Its mouth sneered at us with real lips . The skin glowed a sick green . And Carly Beth 's normally soft voice burst out in a terrifying animal growl . Nearly a whole year has gone by , and we haven 't tried to scare Carly Beth once . I don 't think Carly Beth can be scared . Not anymore . But Chuck kept pressing me back against the tree trunk . " Come on , Steve , " he whispered . " They don 't see us . We 'll duck down behind the hedges and get ahead of them . Then when they come by , we 'll jump out and grab them . " " I don 't really - " I started . But I could see that Chuck had his heart set on scaring Carly Beth and Sabrina . So I let him pull me down out of sight . We passed by the girls and kept moving . I could hear Sabrina 's laugh behind us . I heard Carly Beth say something else . Then Sabrina laughed again . I wondered what they were talking about . I stopped to glance through the hedge . Carly Beth had a weird expression on her face . Her dark eyes stared straight ahead . She was moving stiffly . She had the collar of her blue down jacket pulled up high around her face . I bent down and picked up Carly Beth 's head . Some kind of dummy head . A sculpture , I guess . I rolled it around between my hands . It was amazing . It looked just like her . " Yeah . We knew it was a fake , " I quickly agreed . But my voice cracked when I said it . I was still kind of in shock . Sabrina shook her head . Her black ponytail waved behind her . Sabrina is very tall , taller than Chuck and me . Carly Beth is a shrimp . She only comes up to Sabrina 's shoulder . " We saw you a mile away , " Carly Beth said , twirling the head in her hands . " Luckily , I brought this head in to show off in art class today . So I pulled my jacket over my head , and Sabrina tucked the plaster head into the collar . " I wanted to change the subject . The girls would talk all day and night about how dumb Chuck and I were . If we let them . I didn 't want to let them . " Carly Beth , you know that mask you wore last Halloween ? Where did you get it ? " I asked . I tried to sound casual . I didn 't want her to think it was any big deal . I knew why Carly Beth didn 't want to tell . She was probably planning to get another truly terrifying mask at the same store for this Halloween . She wanted to be the scariest kid in town . She didn 't want me to be scary too . " You just want to be scarier than me , " I replied angrily . " But I need a really scary mask this year , Carly Beth . There are some kids I want to scare and - " " I 'm serious , Steve , " Carly Beth interrupted . " There was something totally weird about the mask . It wasn 't just a mask . It came alive . It clamped onto my head , and I couldn 't get it off . The mask was haunted or something . " " The mask was evil , " Carly Beth continued . " It started giving me orders . It started talking all by itself , in a horrible , harsh growl . I couldn 't control it . And I couldn 't get it off . It was attached to my head ! I - I was so scared ! " " You just don 't want me to be scary , " I grumbled . " But I need a good , scary mask like that one . Come on , " I begged . " Tell . " " Give it back ! Come on ! " Carly Beth cried , running after Chuck . " My mom made that . If it gets messed up , she 'll kill me ! " Chuck tossed the head to me . Sabrina jumped up and batted it down . She made a wild dive for it , but I got there first . I picked it up off the grass and heaved it back to Chuck . " That 's where I bought it . There 's a back room . It was filled with weird , ugly masks . That 's where I got mine . " " I really didn 't want to tell you , " Carly Beth moaned . " I wasn 't making that story up about the mask . It was so terrifying . " " Please , don 't go there ! " Carly Beth begged . She grabbed my arm tightly . " Please , Steve . Please , don 't go to that party store ! " It had rained all night and all morning . But the clouds had parted at lunchtime . Now the sky was blue and clear . I had no choice . I had to hold soccer practice for the Hogs . " Get off ! " I pleaded with Marnie . I tried spinning and twirling as fast as I could , trying to throw her off my back . I knew if anything happened to this sweater , Mom would have a fit . The answer is : It was Class Photo Day . And Mom wanted me to take a really good picture to send to all my aunts and uncles . She made me wear the sweater . And she made me shampoo my hair before school and not wear my Orlando Magic cap over it . So I looked like a jerk all day . And now , here was soccer practice . And I had forgotten to bring a sweatshirt or something to replace my good sweater . I took three steps - and my sneakers slid in the mud . My feet flew out from under me . With an angry cry , I fell forward . And landed on my stomach in deep , wet mud . But when I pulled myself up , the mud came with me . My entire body was caked in thick , wet mud . My beautiful blue sweater ? It was now an ugly brown sweater . The mud weighed me down as I climbed slowly to my feet . I felt like Andrew . I felt as if I weighed a thousand pounds . Maybe I did ! I wiped mud off my eyes with both hands - and saw Chuck standing over me . He tsk - tsked a few times . " You look really bad , man . " I scooped my hand along the front of my sweater and scraped off about ten pounds of glop . " I … uh … I think I 'd better go home after practice and get changed first , " I told Chuck . I crept home . Chuck waited for me outside . I hid my mud - caked clothes in the back of my closet . I didn 't have time to explain to my mom . Then I changed into a clean pair of jeans and a gray - and - red Georgetown Hoyas sweatshirt one of my uncles had sent me . I don 't know anything about the Hoyas . I don 't even know what a Hoya is . But it is a cool sweatshirt . " No , it isn 't ! " I called back . I closed the front door behind me and ran down the driveway before she could stop me from going out again . I pulled all of my allowance money out of the dresser drawer where I hide it . I counted it quickly - about twenty - five dollars . Then I jammed the bills into my jeans pocket and hurried back downstairs . Chuck had his hands stuffed into the pockets of his hooded sweatshirt . He leaned into the wind as we walked . " I 'm going to be late for dinner , " he grumbled . " I 'm probably going to get into major trouble . " " It 'll be worth it , " I told him , feeling a little more cheerful . We crossed the street that led to the party store . A small grocery stood on the corner . Other small shops came into view . Peering through the dust - smeared glass , I could see empty shelves and display racks inside . A tall metal shelf lay on its side across the center aisle . A trash basket , overflowing with paper and empty soda cans , stood on top of the counter . " There 's no ' Out of Business ' sign on the door , " Chuck said . He 's a good friend . He saw how disappointed I looked . He was trying to stay hopeful . I pushed myself away from the window . " I wanted one like Carly Beth 's , " I complained . " You remember that mask . You remember those glowing eyes , right ? And the way the mouth moved . The way it growled at us with those long , dripping fangs . It was so gross . And it looked totally real . Like a real monster ! " " You don 't understand how important this is to me , " I told Chuck . " Those first graders are ruining my life . I have to pay them back this Halloween . I have to . " I could just see Marnie Rosen and Duck Benton when I popped out on Halloween . " Ooh , we 're scared ! We 're scared ! Papier - mâché ! " " Whoa , Chuck ! Check it out ! " I grabbed the shoulder of his sweatshirt and spun him around . " Look ! " I pointed into the alley . " That door is open ! " I grabbed the open trapdoor and leaned over the steps , squinting into the dim light from the streetlamp . " There are boxes down there . A whole bunch of cartons . " " Whoa . What are you thinking about ? " Chuck demanded . " You 're not going down there - are you ? You 're not going to sneak down to that dark basement and try to steal a mask - are you ? " " Ohh ! " I let out a cry as one foot slid over the concrete step and I felt myself start to fall . I shot out both hands in search of a railing - but there wasn 't one . " We 're not breaking in , " I called up to him impatiently . " The door was open - right ? Hurry up . If the two of us search the boxes , we can do it in five minutes . " " But it 's against the law … " he started . Then I saw his expression change . His mouth dropped open as car headlights washed over him . With a low gasp , Chuck ducked through the opening , and bolted down the stairs . He stepped up close beside me , breathing hard . " I don 't think they saw me . " His eyes darted around the large basement . " It 's too dark , Steve . Let 's go home . " I gazed slowly around the basement . It was bigger than I 'd thought . I couldn 't really see the walls . They were hidden in darkness . I made my way over to the nearest carton and bent over to examine it . The flaps were folded over each other . But the carton wasn 't sealed . " We haven 't taken anything , " I protested . " And even if we do find a good , scary mask and take it , we 'll just borrow it . We 'll return it after Halloween . " I nodded . " Yeah . I 'm a little scared , " I admitted . " It 's cold and creepy down here . " The wind clattered the trapdoor above us again . I heard the faint drip of water against the concrete floor . I pulled open the first carton , pushed back the cardboard flaps , and peered inside . " What is this stuff ? " I reached in and pulled out a cone - shaped party hat . The box was stuffed with party hats . I dropped the hat back in the box . " I was right . All the stuff from the store is packed up down here . We 're going to find the scary masks . I know we will ! " Cartons were stacked on top of cartons . I pulled down another one and started to pull it open . " Chuck , you take the bottom one , " I instructed . " Just find the masks , " I replied . My heart was thudding . My hands were shaking as I pulled open the second carton . I was really excited . My carton had piles of party place mats , napkins , and paper cups . " Keep going , " I urged . " The masks have got to be down here . " Above our heads , the wind shook the trapdoor . I hoped it wouldn 't suddenly slam shut on us . I didn 't want to be trapped down in this cold basement in the dark . I dropped it and grabbed up another mask . Then another . A hideous bald head with one eye hanging down by a thread and an arrow through the forehead . I didn 't pay any attention to him . I was busy digging down to the bottom of the carton . I wanted to check out each mask before I made my choice . The mask had long , stringy yellow hair that drooped down over the old man 's craggy forehead . I could see big black spiders climbing in the hair and in the ears . A chunk of forehead was missing , revealing a patch of gray skull underneath . But the store had appeared dark and empty . Chuck and I had both stared into the window for a long time . If anyone was hiding there in the darkness , we would have seen them . As soon as he reached the alley , he poked his head back in . " Steve - get out ! " he called down in a loud whisper . " Hurry ! Get out of there ! " " What are you doing here ? " he asked finally . He pushed back his cape and crossed his arms in front of him . The glowing eyes glared down at me sternly . " Uh … just looking at masks , " I managed to choke out . I was still on my knees on the floor . I knew that my legs were shaking too hard to stand up . " I live upstairs , " the man explained , still glaring at me angrily . " I heard scraping sounds down here . Boxes being moved around . I was going to call the police . " " I 'm not a burglar , " I blurted out . " Please don 't call the police . The trapdoor was open and my friend and I came down . " " He ran away when he heard you coming , " I told him . " I just wanted to see if there were any masks . You know . For Halloween . I wasn 't going to steal anything . I just - " " But the store is closed , " the man repeated . He glanced at the open carton in front of me . " Those masks are very special . They 're not for sale . " " You shouldn 't break into stores , " the man replied , shaking his head . His slicked - down hair gleamed under the low ceiling light . " How old are you ? " " I don 't break into stores ! " I protested . " I mean , I never did before . I came to buy a mask . Look . I brought money . " I jammed my trembling hand into my jeans pocket and pulled out the wad of bills . " Twenty - five dollars , " I said , holding up the money so he could see it . " Here . Is it enough for one of these masks ? " He rubbed his chin . " I told you , young man . These masks are special . They cannot be sold . Believe me - you do not want one of these . " " But I do ! " I cried . " They 're awesome ! They 're the best masks I 've ever seen . Halloween is only a few days away . I need one . I need one desperately . Please - ! " " But that 's why they 're so awesome ! " I exclaimed . " Please ? Please ? Take my money . Here . " I pushed the wad of bills toward him . If my mom and dad found out I got caught breaking into the basement of a store , they would go totally ballistic ! They 'd ground me for life ! I 'd miss this Halloween - and the next thirty Halloweens to come ! On three , I took off . My heart thudded louder than my sneakers on the hard floor . But I made it to the stairs in about a second and a half ! The cold air rushed against my hot face . I stumbled over something hard - a stone or a brick . I didn 't stop to look . I ran through the narrow alley , to the sidewalk in front of the store . Then I took off , running fast , my feet practically flying over the pavement . I shot across the street . Bright lights washed over me . A car horn honked , making me jump about a mile ! The car roared past . We ran side by side , our breath steaming up into the cold night air . The houses and dark lawns whirred past in a gray - black blur . We didn 't say another word to each other . Three blocks later , I slowed down as we reached Chuck 's house . I leaned over and tried to shake away the sharp pain in my side . I always get a pain like that when I run more than a few blocks . My heart was still racing in my chest . But I was starting to feel calmer . The man in the black cape didn 't chase after us . In a few seconds , I would be safe in my own home . I was pleased with myself . In fact , I was overjoyed . I felt like leaping in the air . Or maybe doing a wild , crazy dance . Or crowing like a rooster . Or tilting back my head and howling at the moon . The scary part was over . I had escaped with one of the great masks . Now it was my turn to scare other people . Why was I standing there scaring myself ? Still holding the front of my sweatshirt , I pushed open the front door and stepped into the house . " Down , boy ! Get down , Sparky ! " I cried as the little black terrier greeted me . He leaped high off the floor , bouncing off me , barking and whining as if he hadn 't seen me in twenty years . " Steve - is that you ? " Mom stormed into the living room , a fretful frown on her face . She glared at me and angrily blew a curl of blond hair from in front of her eyes . " Where on earth were you ? Your father and I went ahead and ate dinner . Yours is ice - cold by now ! " I 'm usually a very honest guy . But right then , all I cared about was having the mask ! I had it , and I was desperate to get it out from under my sweatshirt and hidden in a safe place in my room . " Well , you should have told me where you were going , " Mom scolded . " Your father went out to do the grocery shopping . But he 's very angry , too . You should have been home for dinner . " I didn 't give her a chance to reply . I spun around , leaped onto the stairs , and ran up two at a time . I flew down the hall , burst into my room , and slammed the door behind me . Which one did I take ? When the light came on in the store basement , I grabbed a mask without looking . I stuffed it under my sweatshirt before I could see it . The long nose had gobs of green dripping from each nostril . A square patch of skin was missing just above the forehead . I could see gray skull bone in the hole . The whole face was creased and lined . The flesh was a sickly green . The skin appeared to be peeling off the face . Dark scabs bulged from the sunken cheeks . Look out , Hogs ! I told myself . When I come leaping out at you on Halloween night in this mask , you will jump out of your skins ! I raked the ugly , long hair back over the head . My fingers bumped over the spiders tangled in the hair . The spiders didn 't feel rubbery . They felt soft and warm like the skin . I walked quickly to the dresser and pulled open my sock drawer . Smoothing the long , spidery hair over the ugly face , I set the mask down carefully in the drawer . Then I hid it under several pairs of socks and closed the drawer . My stomach growled . I suddenly realized that I was starved ! I sat down , pushed the salad aside , and started forking up the macaroni as fast as I could . He tilted his head the other way , as if trying to understand . I slipped him a couple of noodles . He sniffed them and left them on the floor . Behind me , Mom busily cleaned out the refrigerator , making room for the groceries Dad was out buying . I was dying to tell her about the scary mask . I wanted to show it to her . Maybe put it on and make her scream . That was my costume for the past five years . A hobo . Actually , it wasn 't much of a costume . I wore one of Dad 's baggy old suits with patches on the pants . Mom rubbed charcoal on my face to make me look dirty . And I carried a knapsack on a fishing pole over my shoulder . I had soccer practice for my first graders after school the next day . It was a sunny , cold October afternoon . The sunlight made the yellow and brown falling leaves glitter like gold . Puffs of white cloud floated like soft cotton across the blue sky . I tried to show them how to pass . As I ran along the sidelines , Andrew Foster stuck out his foot . I tripped and went sailing into the bike rack . A handlebar caught me under the chin as I fell , and I actually saw stars . Because I knew a secret . I knew an evil secret that the kids didn 't know . I knew that trick - or - treat night was going to be a special treat for me ! At four o ' clock , I called an end to practice . I was too weak to blow the whistle . My clothes were soaked with mud , I walked with a limp , and I had cuts and bruises in twenty different places . I gathered them in a circle around me . They were shoving each other , and pulling hair , and calling each other horrible names . I told you - they 're total animals . " We 'll meet in our costumes after practice , " I continued . " The whole team . And we 'll all go trick - or - treating together . I 'll take you . " " So tell your parents to drop you off , " I told them . " This is going to be our special party . We 'll meet in front of the old Carpenter mansion . " The other kids all started teasing Johnny . He stuck to his story . He insisted he saw a ghost . So they pushed him to the ground and got his jacket all muddy . Go ahead and laugh , guys , I thought . Have a good laugh now . Because when you see me on Halloween , I 'll be the only one laughing . " Uh … I 'm going to be a hobo , " I told them . " You 'll recognize me . I 'll be wearing a tattered old suit . And my face will be all dirty . I 'll be dressed like a bum . " Luckily , their parents and baby - sitters showed up to take them home . I watched them go with a big smile on my face . A big , evil smile . I kept running . I didn 't want to hang out with Chuck . I needed to check out that mask . I needed to remind myself of how awesome it was . How totally terrifying . I raced down the long hall . I turned into my room and tossed my backpack onto the bed . Then I hurried across the room to my dresser and eagerly jerked open my sock drawer . Then I remembered that I had moved the mask . Before school that morning . I was worried that my mom might do laundry . And open my sock drawer . And see it there . Letting out a long whoosh of air , I dropped to my hands and knees . I quickly collected all the socks and stuffed them back into the drawer . Then I opened the closet door and pulled down the mask from the top shelf . Steve , you 've got to calm down , man , I told myself . It 's just a Halloween mask , after all . You 've got to stop scaring yourself like that . Chuck 's face popped instantly into my mind . My old friend Chuck was the perfect victim . I knew that he was home . I had seen him there a few minutes ago . Wow . Will he be shocked ! I told myself . Chuck thought that I ran out of that store basement empty - handed . When I sneak into his house and creep up on him wearing this disgusting mask , he 'll faint ! " Heh - heh - heh . " I practiced my old - man cackle . " Heh - heh - heh . " The scariest , most evil cackle I could do . Calm down . Count to ten . Then examine the mask in the mirror . Grab it from the bottom , and you 'll be able to pull it up . No problem . With my eyes staring out of it , the face seemed to come alive . The brown lips sneered back at me . When I moved my lips , they appeared to move too . The green gobs of goo trembled inside the big nostrils . The spiders appeared to be crawling through the tangled , yellow hair . I cleared my throat and tried again . " Don 't be afraid , Sparky . It 's only me . " My voice ! It sounded more like a dry cough . But as I leaned forward , I could see the dog 's eyes go wide with terror . Sparky let out a shrill yip - jumped out of my hands , and went tearing across the room , barking at the top of his lungs . Barking in total fright . It took me three tries to pull myself up to a standing position . My head ached . I was too out - of - breath to run after Sparky . " Weird , " I muttered , rubbing my aching back . I hobbled back to the mirror . Sparky has seen masks before . He knew it was me . Why was he so scared ? Was it my weird voice ? " Nooooo ! Nooooo ! " I wailed in my old man 's voice . I had to get the thing off me ! There had to be a way ! I pulled the hair . That sent a wave of pain shooting down my scalp . Frantically , I grabbed at the mask , slapped at it , pulled it , tore at it . And then I heard the front door slam . And I heard Mom 's voice at the bottom of the stairway . " Steve - are you home ? Steve ? " No ! I thought , swallowing hard , my dry throat making a sick clicking sound . No ! I can 't come down ! I can 't ! I don 't want you to see me like this ! I couldn 't let her see me like this . I couldn 't let her see the mask . She 'd start asking questions . And I couldn 't let her see how the mask had changed me . " I mean , yes , " I croaked in my shaky , old - man voice . " I 'm not feeling well , Mom . I 'm going to lie down for a while . I 'll come down later , okay ? " I stared at the doorknob , listening to her breathing on the other side of the door . " Steve , I bought you those black - and - white cookies that you love . Your favorites . Do you want one ? Maybe it 'll make you feel better . " My stomach growled . Those cookies are my favorites . Dripping with chocolate icing on one side and vanilla icing on the other . " Maybe later , " I moaned . " Later . I 'm really not feeling well . " I was telling the truth . My temples throbbed . My whole body ached . I felt so weak , I could barely stand up . " I 'll call you for dinner , " Mom said . I listened to her make her way back down the stairs . Then I hobbled over to the bed and slumped my old man 's body down onto the edge . Carly Beth wore a mask from the same store last Halloween . Maybe the same thing happened to her . Maybe her mask stuck to her face and changed her . The phone stood across the room beside the computer on my desk . Normally , I 'd be over there in three seconds . But it took me three minutes of grunting and straining to get my old body to stand up . Then it took another five minutes to drag myself across the room . I can 't go on like this , I told myself . She 's got to help me . She 's got to know how to get this mask off . " I 'm sorry , sir . I can 't hear you very well . Can you speak up ? Why did you wish to speak to my daughter ? Perhaps I can help you ? " I heard Mr . Caldwell speak softly to someone else at his house . " It 's an old man , asking for Carly Beth . I can barely hear him . He won 't say who he is . " I heard him turn again to someone else in the room , probably Carly Beth 's mom . He muffled the phone with his hand , but I heard what he said : " I think it 's a nut . Some kind of crank call . " " I - I 'm not very hungry , " I croaked . " I 'm going to take a nap , Dad . I think I 'm getting sick . " I scratched my ears . I could feel the spiders crackling around in them . I touched the bare spot on top of my head where the skin was ripped apart . The skin was soft and wet . I could feel the patch of hard skull that showed through . Going down to that dark store basement . Pawing through the carton of masks . The man in the cape . The mask of the old man . Sneaking it home and trying it on . I pulled myself up and brushed the stringy , yellow hair out of my eyes . " I have to tell Mom and Dad , " I decided . " I can 't spend another day like this . " I had slept in my clothes . I staggered to my feet and dragged my old body to the door . I tugged open the door - and saw a note taped on the other side . Hope you 're feeling better . Mom and I had to go visit your Aunt Helen this morning . We left early to beat the traffic . We 'll be home in time to help you with your hobo costume . Love , Dad I made myself a breakfast of orange juice and corn flakes . I carried it to the table and sat down to eat . The juice glass felt strange against my fat , brown lips . And it was almost impossible to chew the cornflakes with just one long , crooked tooth . Yes ! I decided . When Mom and Dad get home , I 'll greet them and show off my old - man costume . They won 't know it isn 't a costume . They 'll think it 's really cool . Then I 'll find Carly Beth . It won 't be hard to find her . She 's having a Halloween party at her house after trick - or - treating . Dad 's eyes bulged . He stared at me for a long time . Then he burst out laughing . " Steve - that is the best costume ! " he exclaimed . " Where did you get that ? " " It 's disgusting , " Mom said . " Ohh . I can 't stand that open patch on top of the head . And that horrible hole in your tooth . " " Do you feel better ? " Dad asked . " We didn 't want to disturb you this morning since you weren 't feeling good . Your mom and I had to leave so early … " " They 're so real - looking , " Mom declared , raising a hand to her cheek . She shook her head . " Are you sure you don 't want to be a hobo ? That mask must be so hot and uncomfortable . " " Well , he 's terrifying me ! " Mom exclaimed . She shut her eyes . " I can 't stand to look at you , Steve . Why did you buy something so … so ugly ? " I yawned . I suddenly felt sleepy . " I promised my soccer players I 'd meet them , " I croaked . " Then I 'm going over to Carly Beth 's house . " " Your trick - or - treat bag ! " Mom cried . " You forgot your trick - or - treat bag . " She rummaged around in the front closet until she found the shopping bag with little pumpkins all over both sides . I knew I couldn 't manage the cane and the shopping bag . But I took it from her anyway . I 'll throw the bag away when I get outside , I decided . I didn 't plan to trick - or - treat . I knew it would take me half an hour just to walk up someone 's driveway ! Blinded by flashbulb lights , I said good - bye and made my way out the door . The white circles followed me into the night . I nearly fell off the front stoop . I limped onto the sidewalk and started in the direction of the Carpenter mansion . There was no moon . But the street appeared brighter than usual . Most houses had all of their front lights on to welcome trick - or - treaters . As I started on my way , two little girls came hurrying down the sidewalk , followed by their father . One girl wore colorful butterfly wings . The other wore lots of makeup , a gold crown , and a long fancy dress . A few minutes later , the Carpenter mansion came into view . The huge old house stood dark and empty . Its stone turrets rose up to the purple night sky like castle towers . I stared from one to another , giving them a chance to see my terrifying face . Giving them a chance to see the spiders crawling through my hair . The wormhole in my tooth . The patch of skull poking up through my rutted scalp . Marnie took my arm . " Which way were you headed , sir ? We 'll walk with you . It 's kind of a scary night to be walking around a strange neighborhood . " " Nooooo ! " I howled in protest . " I 'm the ghost of the Carpenter mansion ! I 've come to pay you back for trespassing on my front yard ! " Forget about scaring them , Steve , I told myself . You 've got to get to Carly Beth 's house before you collapse . You 've got to find out from Carly Beth how to get the mask off . How to get your old face - and strength - back . I don 't believe this ! I thought bitterly . They 're supposed to be scared out of their costumes ! They should be shrieking and crying by now . Leaning heavily on the cane , I turned toward Carly Beth 's house . The lights were all on . But I couldn 't see anyone in the windows . Sabrina was some kind of superhero . She wore silvery tights and a long silvery cape . She had a silvery mask pulled over her face , but I recognized her long , black hair . " You went to the party store ! " Carly Beth cried . The duck mask fell to the ground . She raised both hands to the sides of her face . " Oh , no ! No ! Steve , I warned you ! " " Yes . That 's where I got it , " I said , pointing to my hideous face . " I didn 't listen to you . I didn 't know . " " Now the mask won 't come off , " I wailed . " It 's stuck to me . It 's part of me . And it 's - it 's turning me into an old , old man . A feeble old man . " I grabbed her duck feathers and held on . " You 've got to help me , Carly Beth , " I begged . " Why won 't you help me ? " Over her shoulder , I saw three kids in costumes at the next house . A woman appeared in the doorway . I saw her dropping candy bars into the three trick - or - treat bags . I tried to follow them up the driveway . But my legs wobbled like rubber . Carly Beth and Sabrina practically had to carry me into her house . They dropped me down on the green leather couch in the living room . Carly Beth dropped down on the couch arm . Sabrina sat on the edge of the armchair beside it . She leaned over and sifted through her trick - or - treat bag . How could she think of candy at a time like this ? " It isn 't a mask , " she explained . " It 's a real face . A living face . Did you meet the man in the black cape ? " Carly Beth nodded solemnly . " They are real , living faces . The man in the cape tried to make them good - looking . But something went wrong . They all came out ugly . As ugly as the one you 're wearing . " She raised a hand to hush me . " The caped man calls the faces The Unloved . No one wants them because they turned out so ugly . They are The Unloved . They 're alive . And they attach themselves to anyone who comes near enough . " " But how do I get it off ? " I cried impatiently . I raised my hands and tugged at my rutted , scabby cheeks . " I can 't spend the rest of my life like this . What can I do ? " " The same thing happened to me last Halloween , " Carly Beth said . " I had chosen a really ugly mask . It was so scary . It attached itself to my head . And then it turned me evil . " " I went back to the party store . I found the man in the cape . He told me there was only one way to get rid of the mask . It could only be done with a symbol of love . " " I had to find a symbol of love , " Carly Beth continued . " At first , I didn 't know what the man meant . I didn 't know what to do . But then I remembered something my mom had made for me . " " My mom had sculpted a head of me , " Carly Beth said . " It looked just like me . You 've seen it . Mom sculpted it because she loves me . It was a symbol of love . " Carly Beth dropped back down beside me . " I placed Mom 's sculpted head over The Unloved face . And The Unloved disappeared . The ugly face slipped right off . " Carly Beth shook her head . " You don 't get it , Steve . You can 't use my symbol of love . It will only work for me . You have to find your own symbol of love . " " Give me a break , Sabrina , " I muttered angrily . " It 's got to work ! Don 't you understand ? It 's got to ! " I stared back at her , thinking hard . I thought . And thought . Symbol of love … symbol of love … No . I couldn 't think of anything . Not a single thing . And then an idea popped into my mind . " You 've got to help me get home , " I told Carly Beth . " I thought of a symbol of love . It 's at my house . " Carly Beth saw me struggling . She took both my hands and pulled me to my feet . " Yuck ! What are those things moving around in your ears ? " she cried , making a disgusted face . We stepped into the darkness . Some kids in costumes were coming up the driveway , all carrying bulging trick - or - treat bags . " Hey , Carly Beth - where are you going ? " a girl called . " I 'm doing a good deed ! " Carly Beth replied . " See you guys later ! " She turned back to me . " I can 't believe you didn 't listen to me , Steve . You really look disgusting . " Holding me by the shoulder , she guided me toward my house . We crossed the street onto my block . I heard kids laughing and loud music inside the house on the corner . A Halloween party . Mom had told me how she drove two miles out of her way to buy them for me . She knew they were my favorite cookies in the whole world . And she drove out of her way to buy them because she loves me . Mom 's face twisted in surprise . She narrowed her eyes , studying me . " You came back here for those cookies ? Why ? What about all your trick - or - treat candy ? " Mom shook her head . " The cookies are gone , " she replied softly . " The dog found the box this morning and broke into it . I 'm sorry , guys . But Sparky ate them all . " " You 've ruined my life , Sparky ! " That 's what I felt like screaming . " You greedy pig ! Couldn 't you save me just one cookie ? Now I 'm doomed . Doomed to live with this gross , frightening face forever . " I heard Dad calling Mom from the den . " Have fun , guys , " Mom said . She waved to Carly Beth and me and hurried off to see what Dad wanted . Carly Beth frowned at me . " Forget about the cookies . Pick up the dog . Sparky is your symbol of love . Pick him up and hold him against you . And I 'll bet the mask will come right off . " " I guess it 's worth a try , " I said softly . I started to pick up the little black terrier . My back creaked as I bent down . My aching knees cracked . I got down on my knees and motioned to Sparky with both hands . " Come , boy ! Come ! I 'm too old to chase you ! Come , Sparky ! " But I knew I was wasting my strength . It didn 't feel any different . Nothing had changed . The hideous face was still tightly attached to my head . " You 're right ! " Carly Beth 's face brightened . " Yes , you 're right , Steve . He helped me last Halloween . If we go back to the party store , I know he 'll help you ! " We walked there anyway . Well , I didn 't exactly walk . I limped and hobbled , feeling weaker and more feeble every second . Carly Beth practically had to carry me . The streets stood empty , glimmering dimly under the rows of streetlamps . Lights were going out in all the houses . It was pretty late . All of the trick - or - treaters had gone home . Two dogs followed us down the street . Big German shepherds . Maybe they thought we 'd share our Halloween candy with them . Of course , I didn 't have any Halloween candy . A cold wind swept down the street . I shivered . I tried to bury my ugly head in my shoulders . " Let 's go , " I mumbled . Defeated . I turned away from the window - and gazed at the alley beside the store . " Whoa . Wait , " I called to her . " Come over here . " Across the room , I heard the steady drip drip drip I 'd heard before . The large cartons stood just where Chuck and I had left them . Three or four of them were still open . " Well . Here we are , " Carly Beth murmured . Her words sounded hollow , echoing softly against the stone basement walls . Her eyes darted around the room , then stopped on me . " Now what ? " I stepped over to the nearest one and peered inside . " This one has all the masks , " I told her . I picked up a monster mask covered in bristly fur . " Look at these ! " Carly Beth cried . She had pulled open another carton . She held up some kind of jumpsuit . It had a long , pointy tail on the back . " A costume , " she replied . She leaned into the carton and pulled out another one . A pair of furry tights covered with leopard spots . " The box is filled with costumes . " Carly Beth didn 't seem to hear me . She leaned over the edge of the box and pulled out another costume . She held it up in front of her . A shiny black suit . Very fancy . Like a tuxedo . " Hey , I 'll bet this is the costume that goes with your mask ! " Carly Beth declared . She carried it over to me . " See ? Spiders and more spiders ! " Carly Beth let out a startled cry as the suit 's arms thrashed out . The trouser legs kicked . The suit twitched and squirmed as if trying to break free . A smile spread over the ugly old face . The suit legs lowered themselves to the floor . The old man performed a little dance , arms flapping , trouser legs hopping . We stood there , eyes bulging , mouths wide - open . We stared at the opening at the top of the stairs . Stared in silence . Stared in amazement . Carly Beth and I danced down the street as we made our way home . We sang at the top of our lungs . Sang and twirled each other around . The creature had bright purple skin that glowed in the light from the streetlamp . Fiery red eyes . A mouth full of broken , rotting teeth . And a fat , brown worm poking out from the middle of its cheek . He let out a hoarse laugh from behind the mask . " I gotcha ! " he bellowed . " I got both of you ! You should have seen the looks on your faces ! " " You didn 't see me grab this mask when I ran out of that store basement , " he growled . " I kept it a secret . I wanted to give you a good scare . " " You scared me to death ! " Carly Beth admitted , giving him a playful shove . " Now take off the mask and let 's go to my house . " |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
I was snowboarding with a bunch of friends and then one of them decided to do the biggest jump ever ! I was recording all the camera angles … and then suddenly he slipped and fell and hit himself . I was like oh that was fast and this is over . I walked out of the mountains front entrance and saw Raymond and Christy as they were going in . I was at the casino with my mom and dad and they left me to go play some games . I was gambling in this slot machine that was sorta broken … it was some sort of box that was transparent but u still put money in there . I went to the information desk since the machine was broken inside was filled with nails and such that I couldn 't play it anymore . I saw some friends and she told me she saw my site weekly gaming and referred me to this place . My friends were in trouble so I decided to go save them . I went back to my room with the box and put it down . So then I decided to go find the culprits who did these bad things to my friends . Soon after I bumped into one of them and I had an epic EPIC fight with them two . Good thing they challenged me one on one . I kept beating his face until he gave up . The other guy challenging me too … I used some ip man style dodging and just dodged everything he had on me . I woke up from a dream and I was in a dream within a dream . My brother was sleeping on the floor and I had made an epic track to listen to on my headphones . My fans told me to upload it . the track was actually my epic dream that I dreamt wanting to record it . I wanted to go to the washroom … but when I did I found my brother had took a shit in the toilet and I decided to just pee in there . . Woke up at 6 : 00 am I remember being at my girlfriends house and we seem to have come back from a long trip from somewhere . But of course , I don 't know where because I didn 't know how I got here . Vividly , I remember that we bought some knives and weapons . They fit into the ground fairly well and the butcher knife seemed to be very flimsy but sharp . There was a small dagger that fit into my pocket , but was hard to hold because the handle was very small . . . lastly , there was a decapitation knife where it was a V shape with red marks that could fold really really fast . I imagined ( in my dream ) that I was stabbing someone . . . I was able to control the fact that I was stabbing him but then it was just an imagination and it didn 't really happen in my dream . I was DEXTER ( a serial killer ) . Anyway , some people suspected I was a murderer . One of them suspected I owned a body part somewhere in my house and I did . I immediately said please hold on as there were cameras at the door . I ran and put the box of body parts under my hamsters cage and covered it with a cloth . Letting my hamster put on a show . They came in and I showed them around . The priest went upstairs and I brought the hamster upstairs . I knew , if for one second they found that body under my hamsters cage , I would be jailed forever . The journalist went right for the hamster and looked around the small room . He suspected the hamster had something to do with where the murder might be . . . but the hamster put on a show , as did I . I told her that she was brave . . . and I was just another person like her . Everyone else had left because they couldn 't find anything . I sat her down and talked to her . . . and I told her I had a life like her , and since I realized she had a certain way of looking that she was actually a lesbian and she could come out now . She was actually a lesbian and she gave in and gave me all the evidence that she had including the camera footage . Soon , after that I was in the Morgan 's house . I sat down and discussed about how some people were mutating and if they touch you , you will begin to mutate as well . Three mutated people walked in and sat down next to me . I told one of them : don 't you dare touch me . The morgan 's walked into the other room and decided to iron their clothes . Turns out they were their cousins . I picked up a gun and shot at them daring them to touch me again . I walked into the room where the morgans were and said WTF ! ! Then I was on paypal on a laptop and I woke up . I was watching a hobo beg for some fries at a convenience store at downtown burrard . the hobo had taken a bottle of sunny delight and the man was very very frustrated . I went up and saw a movie magazine showing Crysis 2 in the front . I didn 't put it back properly and the people behind me couldn 't get a good look . I needed to go back home so I took the skytrain . I walked along the dark path and waved my hand against the LCD screen tvs that are on the side of the wall , glowing and showing Crysis 2 psoters and Ironman 2 figures . When I got to the lobby , it was a movie set for some deserted area . Amazingly so this was the skytrain station . I actually got into the train station and was not sure if I had to go Eastbound or Westbound . I looked at the direction the top track was going . It was incorrect . So I went to the bottom floor . Everyone was at metrotown station waiting for the skytrain . but this time the skytrain had two separate tracks - an inner one and an outer one . for some reason it was a very crowded day and the inner track train came . so we all rushed for it . There was at least 200 people on the track . So then we stood on the track waiting for the next train to come . We heard a very weird noise and no one knew what it meant . Oscar was behind me and told me that we shouldnt step on the track . I saw a train come but I wasn 't sure which track it was going to be on . But I stepped back up on the platform . There were at least 50 people on the track still . Then suddenly . . Another train came , Oscar and I went and rushed for the seat . We talked to the patrol person and asked her what happened . She announced that the sound we had heard earlier was telling everyone to clear the track . I really felt like puking and now I feel really bad . My mom bought some pho . Somehow , Johnny had taken it to his house and asked me to come over to eat it . I agreed and got ready . He called back and said he called his friend to eat it . I was in shock because my mom had bought it and he would get someone else to eat it . I got so mad at him that I set a plot for revenge . However , my mom just told me to forget it and stuff . That fat bitch would just eat everything anyway . Then Kimmie came over and we ate lunch nevertheless . After that , we went to go see a movie and we drove out through my garage with a car . . . The ride there was short . I remember Aaron Wong hindu packed his van and maybe we were in it . After that , they all went in . I went in with Kimmie through this tunnel like thing . There were 3 levels for this tunnel , short medium or fat people . I chose fat people cause I didn 't want to bother doing trying . But then , it required me to do a series of puzzles and things . I did them . . . one after the other . . . I spent half an hour trying to beat these damn puzzles . . . I got glitched and stuck in here and reported it to the administrators . . . Then I asked them if I could please just skip the puzzles . . . at the food stands . . they said yes . Kimmie already bought my tickets and we went to rush into movie theater # 8 for a Tom Cruise movie . It was full and outside apparently . . . There were too many people there already so I went to the back and saw that Edward had saved us a seat . Oh of course he would save us a shitty seat all the way at the back of the city where we couldn 't see anything . We had to watch the movie through a TV recording the theater . So we decided to get back home . I dreamed about a dream that Johnny , Daniel , Kimmie , Aaron , and Oscar were going to Aberdeen and just chilling . . I woke up from that dream of a dream and was still in a dream . Daniel asked if I wanted to go to Aberdeen anyway . . . we went and we walked around . We talked about how Johnny actually went out with this girl named J . H . and did her in grade 9 . She was soooooooooooooooooooo ugly that we couldn 't resist making fun of him . We went into this shop and tried on clothes and things . . . just for fun and I wanted to try on this one suit . Then we went across to Rogers where my Mom and my brother were . They were complaining about how my phones didn 't really have power . So they were contemplating buying me an iPhone 3GS but for half - price . It seems , unfortunately , they were gonna buy it . . . but it was a dream . We continued , and the gang went to TD bank for some reason . . . to get some mesos for Maplestory . Johnny withdrew 20 bucks . . . I put out my hand and hinted that he owed me something . He gave it to me . Then the viet guys over there , held up their bills of 10 $ of 2 . They said they wanted to make change and that they needed my 20 . I said NO WAY am I giving it to you . . . they complained that I was a millionaire in Maplestory anyway and that 20 $ doesn 't even matter . So I gave it to them , watched their exchange go and don 't remember getting 20 $ in return . Then I played Maplestory . . . I killed a lot of stuff and even formed a guild . My teeth began to clench in real life . I began to feel pressure . I was really close with my guild members because they were awesome people . Then Dimsumgrl came on to play one day and I decided to help her . She was just killing things slowly and I was killing next to her . She then wore a set of yellow things which were rare and worth a lot . I asked her if it was the set I gave her . She didn 't respond . She went to buddy chat and asked her friend if she could leave her guild to join harry 's guild . It didn 't matter anyway because shes an inactive player . Then I went to kill a bit of stuff and got a quest item for a cape . I found mini cape chaos scrolls 80 % and scrolled them . . . The end . My teeth hurt from the pressure . So Kimmie and I was on a date , and one night she decided to go to space . She was sent to Mars for an experiment and I didn 't want her to go . She went anyway . . . and I called her from space ! I gave her my video camera and she recorded some footage . It was awesome cause she was in Mars ! ! So she came back one night and I missed her so much . But she had to go back . . . I asked her how it was like coming back . . she said it was gross ! ! Then she went back . I was getting home . . . in a car . . . going up 61st . Then I was seeing if Shaun really had his party at DT at night . It turns out they couldn 't get in and they all stood outside with music blasting and someone talking on the microphone . Then I got off class and went to CHEM 12 class . . . apparently I didn 't go there for a long time . . the teacher was ms denchfield and I went to sit at the back next to Shaun . Chris soo was like finally I havent been to this class for like a year ! ( and it was true I havent been to that class for a long ass time ) My girlfriend was there , Johnny , Daniel and I was also there . Then Daniel decided to invite some douchebag that thinks hes really cool and sat down with us . We ate and he was cocky . I really hated him and didn 't think he was cool - but of course Daniel would think he 's cool cause he 's always friendly and stuff right ? Then they left and this is the part where my guilty conscience plays in . Apparently , that guy didn 't pay for his meal when they left . . . he had to make me pay for it , thinking the tricks on him . . . but . . . The " cool " guy left his phone here and I sat there for awhile as they walked to Oscars house . . . His phone was a variation of my Nokia N96 . Of course , he would thinks I would return his phone . But I decided to take it . . . except I had to wait longer . I was also thinking how the guy was gonna stab me and kill me because he was some hardcore cocky viet looking dude . But I didn 't care much for him since he didn 't pay his bill . Although it was only 5 . 75 $ for the chicken fried rice , he 'd be losing much more money since his phone was here . I went ahead and got the bill and paid for it . I waited for along time for her to get the change . . . she just didn 't seem to know how to get change ! ! Then for some reason , he left behind his backpack too . . . so then I took his laptop . I had to bring home a lot of stuff . . . my own laptop / headphones and stuff . . . my girlfriends laptop and stuff . . . then for some reason I was wearing three jackets ! I was stealing and looking shady . This is what i 've become . I had to unplug everything from everywhere and get the plugs out of the way . I was carrying a massive load ! The cops decided to come in and search everyone . . . good thing they only searched the people sitting in the first two booths . They left and I was about to leave too because they finally gave me back my change . When I was about to leave , it started raining . I couldn 't leave then . . . but my mom worked at Lim Kee so I told her to give me a ride . She agreed and got off work early . She drove me elsewhere . . . not to home . . . but to Peterson 's house . He was a really really big honger who has a girly personality . We arrived there and I went in with my bags of stolen goods . I decided to play with his laptop first . Opened it , and saw that he was pretty much a drug dealer with two songs . I didn 't want to log in to anything or else he would probably track me . I guess I succeeded in stealing ! But what about my friends ? I started off going to D . T . to visit Daniel because he was doing something . . . and I was bored . I was just walking aimlessly that day . I saw Daniel waiting by the auditorium , it was a Thursday and I had nothing to do . Apparently , Daniel had been working here with some Indian people every Thursday because they would rent out the auditorium to do some Indian shows . He offered me a job ! I was excited on the inside but then I didn 't want to say much on the outside . So I said maybe . . . and I 'll meet u at the Bubble Tea place after you 're done I went to get Bubble Tea with some people and I had no idea who . On the first trip , it was with my regular friends . . . we sat there and chatted for awhile and then we left . I went out and asked what ppl wanted to do . . . they said get bubble tea . But we already got bubble tea . So we went back to that shop again with people like Kalson and Daniel and a bunch of randoms . . . the place was packed and it was 11AM . Since it was 11 . . the guy that was working was really slow and I ordered something for take - out . I tried to order in Chinese because I didn 't want to look like a fob . I had to ask what the Chinese words were and I still don 't know what it is . The drink took a long time to come and at one point the manager had cleaned up the table for us when I said that we didn 't get our drinks yet . He gave us back our stuff . Then after I got my drink , half an hour later , more workers came in and the guy that made my drink LEFT . I got so pissed off , but then I left and drove people home . I was driving towards burquitlam drive , dropping some one off . Then as I did that , my mom called and said she used 400k bronze to move 0 . 01 meters for my stuff . I said what ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? So I went there and saw that she had done . It was supposedly something important she had to do . I went there sat in this prison - like room and she told me this was " Gary 's " room ( my cousin ) . He just moved out . . . it turns out my mom was haunted by ghosts because of the fact that she had to put some stuff together . Now she wasn 't . So then there was a flashback . As I followed the worms , I had to climb up mountains and trees and up and down branches ( yes in 3D ! ) I was cold and wet but I had to follow the worm . As I followed the worm , they could push the cart back up . They pushed it all the way back to the sidewalk and connected it all . . . but then now , since I got to the top , I got to choose what kind of ghost to be haunted with , there was a list of 300 and the numbers kept falling if I didn 't climb . So I climbed and got 33 first . . . but I didn 't want that , so I climbed to # 1 and then ghosts started appearing everywhere . I had to fight , fighting was the only option . My dad and I were fighting these things off , but we regained mana and hp every time we killed one of them with these sticks . They were running towards us endlessly and I had fought them with my friends too . . . but they were gone . We jumped to this really high area and just kept fighting them . But then suddenly , he fell ! I didn 't want to leave him , killed a few more , and just jumped down too . I went down and then we had to go back up , but now the stage was in 2D . I just quit . . . then I remember going home and watching The Office . Dwight had dared Andy to take a shower in public . . . Andy went out of The Office into some washroom and was considering to take a shower , but then he went to a womans fashion shop . . . I 'm thinking La Senza or something , but there were booths for him to take a shower . He went to a booth and sat down talking to a girl . . . I walked in and I felt awkward seeing John Pham and random people from DT . We went into this 19 + party and they were checking for ID . I skipped the line cause I ninja 'd it past the bouncer . . . but when I got in , there was no one there . . . it was just a lame party and we sat in a circle . I was tying my shoes . I was late , I woke up at 8 : 55 this morning , and I had to get to the bus stop at around 9AM . I rushed and got dressed really , really quickly and didn 't even eat lunch . I figured that if I walked it 'd be too slow , so I jogged out the door . Half way there , I can already see the park , I realized I forgot all my belongings . How am I going to get on the bus without my upass ? I didn 't even bring my books . So I had to jog back home and grab my wallet , phone and backpack . I realized I had already missed the bus and my girlfriend was on already . I walked out the door and saw the 20 bus go upwards . I thought this was very strange because it never goes up . As I walked up towards 29th , I saw the 29th bus coming this way . I thought I was mad or something … I guess I desired the bus to come towards me . I saw my girlfriend on the bus , she looked at me and I couldn 't see her anymore . The bus suddenly stopped . I suppose she told the bus driver to stop for me . I ran to it as quickly as I could … right as the door was closing , I put my hand on it to stop the door from closing . I got on , I saw a old guy with a huge beard that stood out on the drivers seat . He was listening to his iPod . Larry the bus driver said Good day to you ! He started driving slowly down the steep hill . I was pulling out my upass and I couldn 't find it ! ! Eventually the bus driver got mad at me and then said good day ? ? again implying to me that I should pay to go on the bus . I found my upass in my bag and it was blue … So the bus driver said . . what color is it ? Blue ? I said ya ? But it was supposed to be black . So then the upass turned black and I said it was different from the ones people had because I went to SFU . I got on and sat next to my girlfriend . She moved over but didn 't say anything . I put on a seatbelt and strapped my bags . The bus was going the wrong way so he decided to turn into the alley . The bus went abnormally fast and drove into a pothole . It made a huge crashing noise … but we were still fine . Then there was another huge and deeLucid Gaming Nap 10 : 50 AM - 11 : 50 AM So I was playing DOTA or something in a lecture hall and I had a flashback that me and Johnny had a competition at a robotics meet and we were the best of the best in DOTA . We even had our faces painted on the wall showing our competition , my girlfriend asked me why I had a suit of armor on . I said it was photoshopped . Then we went into ventrilo , but he wasn 't there yet . So we started the game and I was pudge . He was some other hero like Nerubian assassin . I spawned and decided to hook him but then he was too fast and ran through the trees , juking me into the shop . He bought some stuff and we fought . I rotted him and hooked him but he ended up killing me with 4 hp left . Then he bought another hero ( cause in Warcraft that 's what you can do ) So then he fought me with two heroes while having a lot of gold . I still had a circlet of nobility in my inventory . We engaged in battle again but this time he had 50 hp left . I hooked him a few times , but he used his other hero and killed me like that . I got furious ! Then I woke up in Communications lecture . So I was like totally driving with my mother . Then I totally had to move to a new school cause we got lost and stuff . But like , I was so scared because I didn 't know anyone and we were on the west side of Vancouver where everyone was rich . So then we were like in Vantech or something and I walked in and expected to talk to a representative of the administration . But , there was no one . Only students that were dressed in black . I was dressed in black , with a coat on that wasn 't black so then everyone knew I was an outsider . I also had suspenders on . Then everyone hated me so then there were ghosts ! ! Ghosts and stuff and I got scared and the only person I knew there was Chris Soo but he wasn 't really cool cause he is a guy that had other friends . So then I walked away and we were at a SAW scene . The toilet , of course … was scary . But then we got past that . Then we were in a drug lab with Daniel and stuff . He had this really cool thing and I put jars of vitamin water there . He asked if I tried them all and that you should pour that purple one into the top . We were still at the school cause ya . Then after that I went to a house , preferably not my house because it had ghosts too . I saw these gothic dolls near the window where it was thundering . I put them behind the piano and covered their faces . The ghosts disappeared … but I was still freaked out . Lucid Propaganda 4 AM - 1 : 30 PM My girlfriend and I decided to go driving . . . and she feared driving . So she let me drive her parents GLK . We went to a lot of places and we ended up in the west side of the city . Then we hit someone 's car as we were going out . Turns out , we were in Korean town where everyone was rich . We hit a rich guys car . So then we decided to hit and run . . . but that only led to us hitting more cars and making our car worse . Good thing our car was a tank , it didn 't do much damage . We were going back home and she was trying to think of a good excuse to her parents . Turns out we just drove it home and it didn 't seem like there was a lot of damage . It just became a van after . Her dad was like it 's fine lol . Then after I went home and then my aunt decided to take all morals out of the world . So that means she divided the reasonable people to the people who follow her . Apparently I was still part of her side and was locked in . Her way or no way . So then there was no dancing , no washroom , no brushing teeth no nothing . So then one night she brought in dancers for us to watch . . . I decided to imitate their shitty dancing and she banned me from her side of the world . I was on the other side describing what happend and how they could read books and stuff now . My girlfriend and I went downtown to shop at Pacific Center and we took the skytrains and everything . We decided to see a movie near PC and it was Repoman . . . but we didnt watch it . Lol then she had to go to her lessons or something and I went with her . I was part of it then . . . It was sort of a choir . I was nervous . I can recall that it was Stoelting who was the teacher but I am not sure . . . maybe it was Jimmy Kimmel . It was a performance for the Olympics . . and we were going to do a jazz / choir for the Office theme . So the performance was about to begin and we made our way there . . I got majorly scared and so did the teacher . . . we all felt scared because I knew that we didn 't practice . I had to go take a crap really bad because of being nervous but then I didn 't go cause the toilets were dirty . we finally went on stage but I was just an audience member now . I heard The Office theme in my head and I really liked it . My girlfriend did well and we succeeded . . . but there we were about to do another performance . We were just on our way back home and we were called to a place near Pacfic Center again ! I dreamed that I moved to a house except this time I was moving to Daniel 's old house . It was pretty fun considering Daniel just moved and that we got to go back . I dont know what happend to my other house but we just moved . . . anyway it was right across parker place and I called Daniel up to tell him the news . I told him hey i 'll meet you at netzzzz . He 's like koo . . but how u getting here . I told him I live near there ! He 's like o . o and I told him the news . So I went to parker and got a bbt . Then after we played some games at my house and explored around it because I never went around the whole place . . . I didn 't know the purpose of why I had to move . I was back in my room and I was bored so I decided to call Johnny and asked him if he wanted to go eat . We did so he decided to drive his cool mercedez and for some reason I drove a rav 4 . The parking lot in Richmond didn 't have a lot of space and was really random . The parking spots were all for Twinkle . . . but then someone left and I jacked the spot . We ate for a bit and everything and everyone was there . . . don 't remmeber who but then it was pretty cool . I got change and everything and someone picked me up . I said : what about my rav 4 ? ? I imagined a picture of my rav4 being alone in the dark at night and getting towed in the morning . Soon after we all went to my house and we all played counter - strike . My brothers friends were all playing it too and we were playing this really cool map . Actually I think we were playing call of duty . . . I was knifing the aliens with a samurai sword so I think we were playing left 4 dead . . not sure . . . My mom and I were checking out the olympic stuff and there were 5 main events . We went to the one in east vancouver and then there was one in downtown , but we only went to the one in east van first because the one in downtown had a huge line up . There were soo many people . Soon after , I went home and I decided to make one of my special recipes from Chef Tsang . I began cooking the Bacon and Egg . I cooked them and I had to bring it over to the microwave and make them hot . But then I failed to make them all and for some reason the bacon I cooked turned into hard boiled eggs . Then after that I realized I didn 't have enough material in the first place . . . because I didn 't have the things to wrap it around and the cottage cheese . So I stopped making it and just ate the eggs and half made bacon . My phone rang upstairs and my brother told me to get it . It was playing the electric feel song by MGMT . Henry Poon asked me to play Dota and I on , but Edward wasn 't there to play so it was just me and him . Except , we don 't usually play when it 's just me and him . So we decided not to play and I just went to sleep . My brother told me , if that door is closed then you 're not sleeping . I woke up and my door was closed . Then I tripped out and this was reality . I was working at " The Office " . There was one point that we were at a meeting and we tried to prove a point . So me , being Michael Scott , broke the glass behind me with a book . Then I came back in and said something . There was also a contest going on , but then Jim and Pam won it . I congratulated them ( I was not Michael Scott anymore ) . Then after that , we went to get some coffee , but I told them about power naps . Pam had kids with Jim and there were two little girls . Pam then invented a " Sleeping pill nap " thing that works in 5 minutes prior to when you take it . So that way , we don 't have to take caffeine . Pam and I decided to go to her new house and take a nap or something . So we decided to take a nice long walk to her house and ya . Her house was one of the huge Vancouver houses and she could only afford it when she won the 250 , 000 $ contest with Jim . It turns out that Pam and I went out last summer for awhile and Jim was next to me . But now she 's married and I felt a heartbreak . I said , Pam don 't use love these long walks . . . the nice warm weather and everything . She said ya ! I told Jim don 't you enjoy these walks too . He nods . Then we arrived at their house and went inside . . . we tried to take a nap on her sofas . . . I couldn 't fall asleep . . . I was already asleep in a dream but I didn 't know lol . They woke up from this 10 minute nap and then Pam and Jim had a talk . . . Jim asked Pam if I went out with her before and she replied yes . Jim said This is Not cool . . . and sort of raged out the door . . . we stopped him and then we had a talk in front of the stairs of his house . I said . . . you two are married now . . . that was along time ago when you left . She was bored and told me how she liked you and everything . Then I pushed them two together lol . Then I was on my bed on one end , and the other end had Pam . We were in a backalley and an ALIEN was above us ! ! ! ! ! ! I told her to hide and don 't look out of the pillows ! The alien space ship took time to charge electricity and I saw a flash between the lines of my pillow . . I told her , don 't look out ! ! There were only two flashes over the course of 5 minutes and the alien left . My group gathered up and we began to list all of the things about them . We thought up of the different weapos we could use . We got scared cause this is our first time doing something like this . Soon after that We went out and were getting ready for a fight . We couldn 't find them and then I was on 1000 ways to die . My way of dying was be drinking too much and then I walked around and barfed . They explained how barfing my stomach acid out could burn my alive . The acid that I barfed out created this huge hole in the ground and I fell into the hole , which also had huge spikes in it . I imagined myself falling into the depths of hell , hence the spikes . Then my head pretty much shattered . But since this was hell , there was a pathway in the hole . It led to a secret Norway Russian base where they hung skeletons . It was one of the scariest things i 've ever seen . But now I was watching a TV show about this and the show host brought me in there with him . Scary shit . He told me there was one encounter with a life form and that was when he went to the washroom . There was a witch . So then the video shifted to the witch . There was a man walking around like a vampire and we could barely see his face . The guy walked back and forth and back into this corner where there was a broken hole . The camera followed him and then they show host explained whoever can modify this footage can win some money . The video footage then had another guy in there and we were now in a game . I was holding a wii remote and as I pressed buttons , I was firing bullets at the vampire / witch . The witch started dying and exploding and everything . I cornered it into a little doorway and then killed it . It 's head exploded . I thought it was just a little video trick . Then I realized the whole room was on fire and I had to run out of the doorways epicly like a movie . The doors were closing and I had to open them one by one . These half - life 2 trucks came out and I thought I was playing Garry 's Mod so then I shot the trucks . . . I realized that the trucks wanted to fix the scene . After that I went back home and I went on / b / , surfed around for a bit and saw that there was a guy on my street telling them that they were too loud . There was a forum post saying telling / b / they were too loud . So we went outside and began to walk to DT , I trolled the house on the way down the street . I yelled , Fuck ! then some guy yelled back with Shit ! I yelled . . . Dick ! and the other guy yelled Pussy ! I laughed so hard and I looked at the guy who yelled back and it turns out he is some fat dude on a computer . I walked down the street with my girlfriend and I was wondering why she was here . I thought she was at the states . Then these two little girls ran in front of us . They were holding some sort of chain that seemed to hold their backpacks up . I realized this chain was one of those trick chains that I saw online . At the end of the chain was a magnet . A commercial came on and began to promote the magnet . A chinese family who had watches . . . and bottles had the magnet chain things and began playing with it . They flipped the watch and blew the magnet as if it were magic . Then as it ended , I was at a food court in lansdowne mall . I was buying some asian candy or something with my brother and a asian family with girls were like . . . oh these groceries are kind of heavy can you bring them to the counter for me . I did ! They were like oh you 're so strong . I realized that I was in Yaohon now and I needed to go to T & T next door at the plaza mall . As that happened , the driver lost control again and the plane went berserk and broke in half . Most people died and some people landed near a fire crash . I talked to one of them . . . two of them were pregnant and were from Malaysia . I told them to talk to Eric Ol cause hes from Cambodia . They checked out his Facebook profile . Then Eric didn 't want to talk to them so he hid his profile . Then I went to his building that required me to go walk up the stairs . . . I had been waiting for awhile . I was there with Nick Chan and Jenny Huynh . Random . . . Jenny H decided to take the elevator so I decided to take that too . There were 8 floors in this building and then we went to the 9th floor . I got scared when I got up there because when I looked out , we were spacing out in the middle of nowhere and were about to fall . I pressed 8 right away and I arrived at my washroom . I showed her my fish and then I changed the fish water . But as I was changing it , I accidentally poured Martin down the drain . I saved him once but then he slipped out my finger and actually fell down . I took the drain thing out and found him but that made a bigger mistake . . . because he slipped again and got lost forever . I was driving along Richmond and somehow I had two cars to manage . One of them was a murder van . . . the other was a dodge viper . I parked at netaholics and thought I could go ahead and destroy some noobies for a bit since I got bored and stuff . I went inside . . . but then I talked with a couple of gangsters beforehand and told them which car I drove . Then I sort of got scared and went to monitor my cars instead . . I decided to leave but my dodge viper was boxed in . I said wtf and eventually went to look for ppl to move their cars . I went back to my murder van and it was still there . There was a ferrari blocking my viper and it moved . . . but now my car was behind a huge pole ? ? People were feeling bad for me and I felt bad too . So then I was just walking around trying to find my keys now . I found them . . . then the pole and the car disappeared and I drove away . I went to my moms church place and watched her do some dancing . I heard some of her friends talk dirty about her and I decided to do something about it . I skytrained home and waited for the opportunity to go back with her alone . She was thinking . . . what is he doing here ? he never comes to these practice things . I don 't . But I decided to be cool for once and watched her practice . I made fun of her . . . I could do better than that ! I did do better than that . She got uberly pissed but I was trying to be nice . I was happy that I uberly pissed her off . I sure showed her up . . . As I made my way back , there was free McDonalds at Broadway station . I got a free bag . . . they dumped the drink into the bag . . so weird . Superstore asked what free product I wanted and I said salt . I made my way home and was gonna play some Playstation . I took a straw to drink out of the bag and gave my mom the bag of salt . As I sat there in my old house . . . my dad was here and I was surprised . . . cause you know . . . he 's never here . He told me to put on a jacket and get going . I asked him where we were going and I immediately assumed we were going to my aunt 's place . So my brother and I looked for a jacket to wear . . . I just couldn 't find one . I was with my friends today . We had begun with playing games . Aaron never seemed like the type to own games . but he had Call of Duty 5 MW 2 . I challeneged him and played with him at his house but aska seemed to think that it was his turn and turned the game off . We called him gay and stuff and that he was a girl . I showed him my computer and told him it was a beast and it was able to handle any type of games that would come out in the next 5 years . Aaron said wow . After that for some reason , someone brought me to Edwards house . Not edward , but his brother or something . . we were in his backyard , and someone i think his dad picked us up . He said no problem and any time . I arrived and his mom and I said ; long time no see ! So then I went to his room and I think we mightve started gaming again . But , this time I played Maplestory again . It 's weird how all I dream about is Maplestory nowadays But this time I went on and no one bought my stuff yet . I figured because my spot was bad . Then after that , I tried to find a better spot and no one bought anything still I went to the one below and since there was a new patch , the market changed and there was a new stage that we could put our shops on . I went there immediately ! but then I dreamed about dreaming . . . weird huh . I dreamed about recalling my dream . I tried to remember what happened before but it was hard to stay focused . I really went through all the events but now I can 't remember any of it . I went through it twice in my head . I think I was dreaming ? ? My dream consisted of me getting hacked . My account and all the other accounts in the channels got ripped . Someone had stolen all the items and money . I got uberly pissed and decided to find the person . I went on an innocent guy 's account and couldn 't find anything . I said sorry . Then I was at johnnys house and told him what happened , he just laughed at me . I couldn 't do anything . One of them I was watching a Olympic sport . It was hockey without the skates . . . I think lacrosse lol . Anyway , my girlfriend and I watched the game . . . . . . and it was lame , really lame because everyone played by bunching up . Then the guy sitting next to my girlfriend started touching her subtly . I was about to knock him but he stopped after I gave him a stern look . Soon after , everyone had left because the game was so boring . It was only me , her and the perverted guy left . So we went down onto the field and cheered them on . Then the ref saw that I was standing too close to the line and called interference . Then that was only a warning for me but two other spectators did that and they got kicked out . I said f ' this shit and then I left . I remember I was a biathlon athlete , but it was indoors . So then it was Canada vs USA . I was horrible , and my partner was very good . I dragged the team down because I couldn 't get my shots right . My skiing was jogging at a slow pace . I gave up in the last minute and then USA won . I gave the guy a handshake and the crowd went wild . Then I was heading home . . . my mom was driving my brothers car and she kept trying to back into the garage . She couldn 't do it , she tried like 10 times . I was getting real dizzy and pissed off . So my brother came home and did it in one smooth try . As I walked into the door of my house , I was tired so I lied down and started reading my book , " A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius . " It was 5 o clock already so I was kind of late in reading it . I was never gonna finish it . My mom asked me if I wanted to go out and eat . I refused to go . . . but then I got tempted and I went to eat . We went out to some place on Cambie . Fell asleep again and then I dreamt about playing Maplestory . I was playing with my old friends and I was waiting for them at these really hard creeps , thinking they could fight them . As they were headed there , there was some miscommunication . I was too far away ! Then I tried to make it back but I died . Then it takes me awhile to get back , but then the game became 3D and I was in a dark tunnel with many ladders . I tried to climb one but the ladders were horrible to climb . I died twice trying to get through the map and my friends on Ventrilo laughed at me . It all seemed like I was really playing , but it was just a game . I got through the map finally , thinking my friends weren 't gonna wait for me at the hard monsters . But then , the ladder map had a boss I didn 't complete . The fire had to go a complete circle before the gate opened . But , I had to slay the beast . I couldn 't do it so a lot of random people in my life came in and tried to kill it . I just stood there looking for a way out . I was out , walking with people . . . then somehow the talk about UBC or SFU came about . I knew how to get to SFU so I decided to walk up the mountain because the bus didn 't come . So I walked up the brutal Gaglardi way hill and it took forever ! My legs started to feel the burn and everything . It was just one long side walk to me . Then when I went up to there I already forgot I was going to SFU . I ended up going to Bobolink park once I reached my goal . Someone gave me a ride home from there . . . but then there were a lot of garage sales ! I stopped by one . There were old people , they were in their 90s . But , I saw that they had some work out equipment . I offered them 10 bucks for the total set since I have to carry it home ( it 's heavy ! ) . They said well theres more pieces , 15 bucks for all ? All I remember about this one was that I was at school . . . and that my girlfriend was going home and I decided to talk to her when she was walking . It was snowing , and she was telling me about Jocelyn 's bday . We didn 't really know her or talked to her . . . but I assume that since this was also near Christmas . . . she gave her a present back . What she received were these Caffeine pills lol . Then for some reason we went to Jocelyn 's house and then she had a big party . We saw some people skiing randomly and then it became a big deal cause I saw them skiing down to the lake . They were skiing on the frozen lake ! ! I decided to become one of those people skiing on the lake , I hoped not to break the ice . Then I woke up . School - Gaglardi way is the way I go up to school . Bobolink is the way I go home . They are one hour apart from each other by public transportation . I went to dinner . We went to Richmond . . . I asked my mom if I could , she said no because Richmond is gonna flood . I went anyway , being the rebel I am and thinking she has no control over me . I went to a place that looked like lansdowne and I ate with a bunch of people I knew . . . but i 'm not sure I remember who . I remember making friends with this one dude that seemed hardcore , he tried to sell me a bunch of affliction shirts and such , at my house . I was contemplating and I was like ok . So I looked around at what he had . . So then . . . I asked the guy , i 'll buy it ( the blue shirt ) . Then I told him , i 'll trade you an iPod for it . . . and this was the iPod Daniel gave me when he owed me 30 bucks . Then he was like . . . no I want that iPod ! It was a green and newer generation green iPod nano . I was like haha , were you like who the fuck was that when he won the iPod ( thinking back to the time Daniel won the iPod in my grade 12 year ) . Next , I remember I had to be picked up by Johnny to go to Richmond . . . . . . again . So I was wondering if I should stay over . So I woke up from my room and stepped out of my room while playing Maplestory . . . and I was at his house already . My room replaced his mom 's room . He was like : Holy shit , how did you do that ? ? I couldn 't come up with a reply . So then we were contemplating to LAN , and then I decided we couldn 't ? So we had to do some school project for Law 12 . I was working with Eric Ho because he was really smart . We had two assignments . One of them consist of changing the Canadian Anthem , and the second one was to do some Law stuff . He was a nice dude , he did the Canadian Anthem project while I copied him on the other assignment . The teacher ( whom I think was Mr . Fister ) , handed the stuff back to us . I was frantically looking for my name in the assignment he handed in . Then I found it in the title page . Some shit happens , then we get called to some ping pong bidding place and this was at GM place or something . . . I was thinking back on how great my dad was at Ping Pong and can school anyone here . So I sat down with my buddies telling people how rediculous of an idea this place is . Then I was joking around , because they were bidding to donate to African kids . You don 't get anything in return . This idea was so stupid to me ! I told them , i 'll bid , but i 'll bid if you give me a russian bride : age 8 - 10 ! So she can be my slave ! But then I got yelled at by Ms . Leddy or Ms . Isbister , they both looked the same at the time . She asked me where my bidding material was . . . I replied : Don 't know ? Just got here . So I had to go all the way downstairs to where the Koreans were playing Ping Pong , and I found some balls . . . but no paddles . ( The paddles were to raise a bid , and the balls were to show something ) . I found the idea so rediculous , it was like 10 : 00 PM , so I told them I had work the next morning ( and I never have work ) . I went home . . . but this was a shady home . I came home and I saw my aged 8 Russian Bride . . she said welcome home my love . But then she said she had to go at 11 : 30 and asked if I wanted to go eat Mcdonalds . I played Maplestory right before I went to sleep so I guess that 's why I dreamt about it . As for Ping Pong , I thought about my dad while I was taking a shower and how we used to play Ping Pong all the time , he would discipline me almost every day . He even had a table in the garage . I was walking home one normal day . . . I noticed there was an excess amount of crows . . . I decided to scare them all by going CAW CAW and running towards them . They all flew away , but they flew only to their friends . I went home . There was a warning . The warning was to ensure that all your doors were locked safely and tight because the crows were organizing an attack on all humans . I was freaked out . A storm was coming , so I decided to lock my front door early . I knew that this door was very weak because the lock turned by itself from the heavy wind . My mom and I put a masterlock between the doors . But this didn 't work . The crows turned into Mosquitos at this point of the dream . I was even more scared , because they could get through the little crack that the door had left from the useless lock . Good thing I kept the door closed . The wind kept bursting in and I found a set of chains in front of me . I strategically tried to place them around the door . It didnt work . So I incorporated it with the lock and tightened it up . I was proud of myself because this weak door would finally close . Except . . . my brother just came home . But good thing I told him to use the back door which was un - barricaded yet . So he went there . A mosquito came in . . . and it was huge ! I got so scared and I immediately closed the back door . By risking this , I got stung right in the cheek . I was mad , really mad . . . but it disappeared . Then we had to go out as a family to avoid this drama of mosquito attacks . We went to some sort of night market . . . I went there . . except I had to take a crap constantly . . I was walking down the street and I found several washrooms . Some of them you had to pay , I went to the kids one . . . there was a line up . I went to the handicapped stall , except the lock didn 't work so I had to hold the door down while taking a crap . How inconvenient . . . then I had to hold the whole stall down with my two hands . A kid told me , hey this toilet is for kids under 15 ! I finished up quickly , however there was a stain in my underwear . . I was furious ! It was just myself now . I went to the airport because my mom worked there for some reason . I was driving . . . I was deciding whether to take the lane where it said " for people that are leaving . . . . . or departures ? " or if I shThe woman next to my mom was sick , she had to wear a wig . So this time it was her 8th wig or so . . . and she was wearing a blonde wig with black hair underneath it . Totally obvious . After that , I don 't quite remember what happened because my brother woke me up at 9 A . M . I went back to sleep and I was in China . I remember they were selling fake drinks and fake icecream brands ( which I loved to eat ) . My brother was playing a game of DOTA with his female friend . I decided to watch . . . then I decided to join in . Except this DOTA was weird because it was very fast paced and modified . It turned out that this was probably OMGDOTA instead of the original . I played anywho . . . my brother chose " Nightstalker " and bought the mask of death first . He went to middle lane , and I went to bottom lane . I was some random hero that I never played . I saw Techies in the river and he planted mines that were able to shoot out a shockwave . So I decided to fight him and his shockwaves missed me . I committed suicide by blowing myself to him . . . but it didn 't do much . So I said , this is bs ! and I quit . At this time , I was in my room with my girlfriend . Her parents were outside , my mom was outside . They told us not to do anything bad . We took a chance for some reason and we were having some fun . Except that if we did , her parents would punish me . We pretended they didn 't notice . I thought it was a trap because if I did anything to her they wouldn 't notice . But she kept encouraging me . . . and [ graphic things happen ] . Good thing they didn 't notice . After that , my mom came in , good thing we were good and normal people by then . I went to the washroom to take a piss , I went back out and my room was re - arranged . My mom had left , my girlfriend had left . I said why ? I went outside and she called me . On my other phone , for some random reason , Neeraj called me . . . but it was an accident because he didn 't know he called me . I listened to what he was doing . . . of course he would be hanging out with Edward and Shaun . They were making a movie . I hung up on him and I was downstairs . Then I woke up . Connections to my day / lifeFor the fact that my door didn 't lock properly , it was because I 've been walking through that door for many years , and I noticed the lock was getting weaker . But it does lock properly . The crows , it was because Angela told me a story of how Crows take grudges on humans and recognize you normally . . this was a year ago since she told me that . I constantly scare birds as I walk though . For mosquito 's , I really hate them . One of them bit me on the chin two weeks ago . The lock . . . it had been sitting there for since I graduated high school . The chains . . . I saw them at a street performance in Downtown central library . My girlfriend and I went to a " nightmarket - like " place last week , and this was presumably where I was headed in the dream . I remember hearing that tourists were leaving Vancouver , so I dreamt about the airport . My girlfriend and I were coming home from a trip downtown . We were able to watch the fireworks in front of the Boys and Girls club . Apparently , it has the closest view in the city . So I parked my 2000 Mercedes Benz E class ( which is my moms ) and we sat there waiting for it to start . We both sat in the back seat . The fireworks started and it was blazingly beautiful . Except I couldn 't see it all because the car blocked some of the view on the inside . Drats , I said . . . The car was fogging up because we were inside . We had the windows opened already though . Maybe it 's too cold . I opened up the top view window also so that we could have a better view . The yellow ones sparked out . As I looked down , two Indo - Canadian girls that I thought I knew were sitting in the front of the car . I was cool with it , but then they left . Then a hardcore white guy with a track suit ( not sure if he had one ) came in . I was feeling afraid so I threatened them to leave . At this time , the fireworks were nearly ending . I was wondering how I was able to back into the grass lawn of the Boys and Girls club without anyone complaining and without the cops nurturing me about this . Then a really smart guy that I don 't personally know named Pasta came into my car and started driving . His ( girl ) friend was in shotgun . I told him . . . wait wait wait wait . . but he drove up Victoria drive . He kept driving . I asked him . . . where are we going ? He didn 't answer . At this time I was thinking he was a very talkative person . He was . But not at this time . So he parked around 10 blocks away , we were still able to see the fireworks . I suppose this was his intention . He parked here because we were simply too close to the fireworks . We all watched through the rear window . Then it ended with no climax . Now we are in a parking - lot . It is a huge mess that Pasta brought us into . It was late , there was one car wanting to get out except we were in the way . So he rammed towards us , I got scared because this was not my car . In the end there was no damage , thank god . We were at Dairy Queen , but we decided to go to the back alley , up the stairs to the cement - walk - bridge . We chilled there , got to actually talk to each other . Except , my girlfriend had to go . He persuaded us to stay longer . We talked more , connected and connected with his ( girl ) friend too . We went back to the parking lot . It was a mess . My car spot was taken by two other cars . I was panicking at the moment , but at the same time I was figuring out how I can get out of this mess . My car was apparently rammed from behind so that the car went half way over the ledge to the other parking lot . Immediately someone who I can 't recall ( could 've been Pasta ) , started moving the cars easily . One of the cars was an old style ( 1990s ) car , blue . The other was some futuristic half car . So I couldn 't fix it , I decided to drive the car straight the other way into the parking lot , taking up a few spaces without thinking . I was still moving the other cars so that I can make a way out . However , I saw a patrol cop coming towards me because I was tampering with other people 's vehicles . I brought him over to my car . " So this is your car . " " Yeah . . . I can explain . " " No , I ask the questions , you provide the answers . " " Wait , I was only here for a . . . " " Did you not here what I said ? " " Ok fine . " " How many car spaces are you in ? " " 3 . . . " " What type of spot is this ? " " Handicapped . " " [ insert questions I can 't remember in here ] " " What type of sushi roll is this ? " " . . . . . . . teriyaki ? My favorite . . . Why are you asking this ? " " . . . " " you 're just stalling time so that you can give me a parking ticket ! " Connections I can make to my day and lifeWell , today my girlfriend told me that if we stayed at Yaletown a bit longer , we could 've watched the fireworks . That was probably how the dream came about . For having Pasta in my dream , this intellectual person is in my Communication 130w tutorial and he talks a whole lot . I was staring at him in lecture today . For the hardcore dude , I was exiting the Skytrain and I saw a white male , probably aged 17 , dressed in a full tracksuit with a man purse , and a Gucci hat . He was , on first sight , a fagget in my eyes . The Boys and Girls club , represented how I wanted to go home so badly because it is down my block . I like efficiency so I assume that once I finished , I could go home . My mom usually allows me to drive her car at night , that is why her car is in it . |
This is the daughter of " Ewode and Jilande " I wrote about previously . They were living in Montellano . They had been through so much but stayed together and were raising their daughter . A few days ago , Ewode showed up asking for help . I spent a lot of the day at a plot of land Project Esperanza has planting cacao trees . When I came back , I saw him on the road but did not speak with him . When I went inside , Jeres asked to talk to me . He told me that their little girl , who was now two and a half , passed away in the night . The explanation they gave him was that she was fine . She wasn 't sick . She woke up for a bit in the night and was playful . Then a bit later they woke up and saw that she had blood running down her chest , coming from her nose . They rushed her to the hospital in Montellano and they were told to take her to Puerto Plata . I 'm sure they were traveling on motorcycle . By the time they got to the Puerto Plata hospital , she had passed away . Ewode was seeking help ( 2 , 500 pesos ) for the funeral . I gave it to him ( on behalf of Project Esperanza ) and he rushed off to bury her . I didn 't get to talk to him and Jilande yet . I want to tell them that they did a great job and that God has great things in store for them , I know it . My heart is broken for them . May the Lord ease their pain and give them hope . Oh how I saw Ewode make efforts for that little girl and for his family . Rest in peace , sweet little Angelina . . . . Publicado por When Ilayas was about 2 years old , he always wanted to watch Betty Crocker Kitchen videos and Laura Vitale videos . Laura Vitale is a woman in New Jersey who makes fun videos about every dish . We recently started watching her again to learn how to make cookies this Christmas . Last night Ilayas insisted that we make cookies but it got too late . First I should note that we don 't have an oven so any baking takes place in the dutch oven , so they don 't really look like cookies , but we try . To appease him , I said , why don 't we watch Laura Vitale cookie videos and figure out which one we want to make tomorrow . Here he is watching the video and drawing the ingredients . He told me this was so I knew what to do when we make them . I found that too funny and had to take a picture . He started the video to let it progress , then stopped it to draw the mixer , stopped it again to draw the cookie sheet . Love this little guy . Publicado por This was a very nice Christmas . I was so busy leading up to it and then extra relieved to have the family time . I am so sad that it is coming to an end with volunteers starting to come for the winter break trip , but happy for volunteers to come as well . I downloaded Windows Movie Maker on Christmas Eve , I believe , and made two videos on the 25th , then another on the 26th . Here are those . And then below are photos of kids painting a table I got them . So , the newbie , Jemps , didn 't last very long . Good thing no one responded to the request for help in warding and educating him . We started questioning his story within the first few days of his stay . His Spanish actually was pretty good . This is never the case with people who have just come from Haiti for the first time as he said he did . When I asked him how he spoke Spanish so well , he said that his brother used to go to the capital and he would ask his brother how to say words and write them in his notebook to learn . I didn 't buy it . He spoke like someone who had learned Spanish from living in the country , hearing it , interacting , etc . The other boys then reported that a woman asked him , in front of them , if he wasn 't selling peanuts anymore . He replied back to her in Spanish that he didn 't do that anymore and now lived with them . I spoke to the people he was staying with before us and it was true that he had just showed up and only been with them for a few days , but he had obviously been on the streets of Puerto Plata for an extended period of time prior . Sony and Loren encouraged him to tell the truth . He refused to share any more information or admit that he had lied about anything previously , and laughed it off . He did have a suitcase , which made it look like he had come from Haiti , but it looked like a brand new suitcase , not something a struggling mom in Haiti would send her son with . When I mentioned that , Sony and Loren figured that a foreigner bought that for him on the streets wanting to help him . Also , within the first few days , he proved to be very . . . well . . . annoying ! The boys kept reporting him eating meals with them , then waiting for them to leave , and stealing food , giving food to Chinaider who is not included in those food rations because of his older age , and then he would come and tell me he was hungry . He sold his suitcase right away as well . One afternoon he came to our living room window and told me he was hungry , that they had not given him food . Enelbi had been at the window about one mIf he was 11 or 12 , we could 've put up with this sort of behavior and disciplined him , but he reported being 16 years old . Unacceptable . The straw that broke the camel 's back was that he apparently kept annoying an elderly neighbor and Jeres said that she wanted to or attempted to physically fight with him . . . something about him using her water spicket . This was at night , so he told him that there had been too many complaints about him and the next morning he needed to take his things and leave . I didn 't find out until after he had left about any of this as I was so busy . The boys said that he reported to them that he had 3 , 000 pesos stored with someone somewhere and was going to retrieve it and go to the capital . Maybe he did know where his aunt 's house was after all , if he did have an aunt in the capital . Or maybe he was going to live a life of grapiyay . Grapiyay is a word that basically means a person who lives on the streets . Sometimes it is not someone 's fault that they live on the streets . Sometimes , as even happens in the US I believe , kids choose the lifestyle and get some high out of it . Not that they don 't have big family needs , but they may have other siblings who , despite the family 's needs , live at home with the family . I have often asked boys not to call each other grapiyay . It has a very negative connotation . But I will admit that when one of them makes me really mad by doing something blatantly rude , like , for example , spitting on the floor inside of the house , I have started using it on occasion . It just has a strong effect and gets the point across . I guess I could also say , " You are inside , not outside . We don 't spit on the floor inside , " in a more patient way . . . but I think I lost my head a bit these last few months as I had never been so busy in my life , and didn 't have the patience to spare . I really can 't believe how much law school I covered in the past few months . I was so very far behind and had to give it all I possibly had to get through the year . We 'll see if I passed . I also recently invented a new word with the root of grapiyay . The word for ungrateful in Creole is engra . So when a boy is being especially rude and also ungrateful , like Jemps who asked the babysitter to give him food after I had told him that I would not be giving him money or food , one could use the word " engrapiyay " . An ungrateful grapiyay . And by the way , when I caught up with Enelbi , he said that they did , of course , give him food , so Jemps was lying and scheming . Some people just cannot control themselves . He was probably on the streets prior , struggling to get meals . He found a spot in a home where he received meals , and he needed more ? And he needed to scheme ? Perfect example of how sometimes it is not just the physical needs that brings someone down , but their lack of education and principles ! I will say that no one who acts this way normally lasts long in the home and everyone who is there permanently has not acted this way . You have to have a certain amount of humility , patience , and self control to live in a group and extreme poverty and hardships doesn 't automatically create humility in some people . However , I was impressed by Loren and Sony talking to him about telling the truth . One day , Ilayas was crying because he had lost his toy watch . I was trying to console him and told him I was sorry he lost his watch but he had other cool toys . Jemps told me to tell him I would get him another one . Sony said , " She can 't lie to him . " Ilayas kept crying a bit and Jemps told him that he himself would get him a new one . Sony got upset with him for lying to him and told him that things would only be worse if he lied about things , in reference to him lying about his background , time in the Dominican Republic , etc . please e - mail me at CaitlinMcHale @ EsperanzaMeansHope . org . Don 't forget to read this book as well , and recommend it to others ! If you want to support Project Esperanza , learn how to do so here . Thank you and God bless ! Publicado por So I don 't remember when something has been this confirmed by God before . A house opened up next to ours , the boys begged for us to rent it for them . Within the same week or two , a man moved in a few doors down and happens to have more experience and education in this area than anyone else I 've ever met around these parts . I posted about it , shared the post on FB , and got a very large monthly commitment . Immediately . That never happens . I posted again to share the success and tell about the remainder . That request got met immediately as well ! Actually , it was met with a little excess . Okay , those were good confirmations of the next steps to take - rent the house and hire the man whose name is Pastor Eustach . The house is rented , they are moved in , and Pastor Eustach is waiting until Dec . 11th when my final exam is done to talk about his position and get started . I told the boys in the meeting on Saturday that with the size of this house , we have room for two housemates . I also said that I was thinking of how to arrange Pastor Eustach 's schedule , since I think for him to have a full schedule , it makes sense to have a few more kids in there . I had received the keys from the landlady just about an hour before our weekly Saturday meetings . Right after the meeting , they began moving in . Enelbi and Sony moving in . That very same night , a friend was visited by a boy on the streets she has helped for at least a year . She does not want him to live where he is living , but he has been reluctant to make the change for various reasons . ( Feel like maybe I should keep this anonymous at this point . ) They had a bit of a hold out going on about the issue . Anyway , that same evening , he went to her and broke down about some things and . . . well anyways , I don 't know if he will come live here or not , but it was another sign to me of , " Glad we have a little more space just in case ! " I read her Facebook message with the news the following morning and it just was another confirmation . Today is Monday . Just two days after we got the keys . And wouldn 't you know . Jeres came walking home with a boy who he said needed to talk to me . The boy 's mom was sending him to his aunt 's in Santo Domingo . He is from an area outside of Cap Haitian . She paid a moto concho to take him from Ouanaminthe , Haiti to Santo Domingo . That is a VERY LONG motorcycle ride ! He said that somewhere close to here , the moto concho pulled a gun on him and ditched him . His mom doesn 't have a phone . He doesn 't have a number to reach her . Or his aunt . This is his first time in the country . The moto concho knew where his aunt lives and was supposed to take him here . It sounds like he is a passer , who takes people and items back and forth from Haiti on a weekly basis for a living . Through pleading his case to other Haitians around , he found a man who has let him stay with him these past few days in Los Dominguez , our neighborhood . But the man wants him to smoke and he doesn 't want to smoke . The man also wants to take his little suitcase with his belongings . I said , okay , okay , you can stay . But I need to find help ASAP for your food , or else others will complain of smaller portions because you are here , ( I didn 't say that last part but thought it ) , and for your transportation money to go to school because you can 't be hanging out without doing anything ! He said no , no , I like to work . I 'll do whatever you ask me to do . I said , " Why was your mom sending you to Santo Domingo ? " " My aunt lives there . " " But if you were going to school in Haiti , why was she sending you to your aunt ? " ( I pretty much already knew the answer . ) " She doesn 't have money to send me to school anymore . " He told me he made it to 4th grade and is 16 years old , although he is tiny and looks younger . I asked about his dad and he said his dad had died . He has older siblings but he is the youngest . I told him I 'll take his picture tomorrow in the daylight because my camera doesn 't have very good flash . ( done ) Those that are under 18 get 90 pesos a day for food , each , which they get together on Sunday mornings and collectively buy food rations to last the week . I feel like it should be upped to 105 so they can have a little something in the morning . Enelbi at least can 't seem to manage without it . Anyway , let 's say 90 , so 2 , 790 pesos a month , which is $ 63 . 41 US per month for food . Then his school transportation will be 60 pesos a day , about 20 days a month . 1 , 200 pesos , which is $ 27 . 27 a month . $ 90 . 68 a month to cover his meals and transportation to school . Of course his sandals will break and he 'll want deodorant and to wash his clothes on Saturdays and such . But food and going to school are the most , most essentials . Actually , with the excess commitment from the last requests , we can put the number at $ 80 US . Why doesn 't he get a job to buy those other things he will need ? Well , at this point , he doesn 't speak a lick of Spanish , even if there was work for him , which maybe there is . We have had a few kids find jobs that actually pay . The Nintendo business went well enough while it lasted but that is another blog post . When I am done with exams I plan on leading some serious gardening efforts on the plot of land we have . Oh , I forgot to tell you his name ! And I almost forgot to ask him as well . He said " Junior " . I said , " We already have a Junior so you 'll have to be called something else . " He smiled and said , " Jemps " . Sometimes this pronunciation is spelled James . But they say Jemps . I said , I 'll take your picture and show others to say , " Look who God brought to us . " He smiled and went to get his suitcase . Alright , I need to get to sleep because I have Real Property and Criminal Procedure exams tomorrow ! Please consider helping us to help Jemps ! I 'll post his picture tomorrow . . or it might actual not be until Friday because my last exams end 8 : 30pm on Thursday . ( done ) please e - mail me at CaitlinMcHale @ EsperanzaMeansHope . org . Don 't forget to read this book as well , and recommend it to others ! If you want to support Project Esperanza , learn how to do so here . Thank you and God bless ! Publicado por I honestly did not think that the last blog post would get the response that it did . I don 't know if the donor wants me to reveal her identity , but I will just say that she visited our programs last spring on a ChiroMission trip , and Louran , one of the boys now in the home , befriended her and explained his situation to her . She really wanted to help him , so after she read this post , she jumped on board and committed to $ 200 a month ! ! ( Okay , after the Pay Pal fee it is $ 193 . 30 ) . When I wrote the post , I thought , we 'll just try to get the rent covered and then try to raise money for the employee afterwards . Well it was $ 57 for the house , a minimum of $ 182 for the employee , so a combined $ 239 . We now only have $ 46 left to go to be able to put this plan into action ! What an encouragement and a reinforcement that this is a good idea ! Publicado por New Home , New Father Figure ? Well , quick Elisenia update . Adeline went with her to CURE International in Santo Domingo and the plan is to amputate below the knee , but she will probably have to be hospitalized for a week or so before the operation to get her chronic cough gone before putting her under anesthesia . Tammie and her husband and a few others came and visited at our house before they went and brought wonderful presents ! Alright , I 'll get to the point of this blog post . In June we moved a few houses up on the same street to a house with a better water situation , more privacy because we don 't share the yard space , it 's a little bigger , and has a tile floor and bathroom , so it 's easier to keep looking clean . The picture above was taken in our living room . It 's a huge difference from our last house . We built an outdoor kitchen in the backyard for the still fully dependent boys for their meals . Actually , they continued eating with us in our house until August when Louran moved in to the group home , at which point it would just be too much to have yet another one spending so much time in our house . Our new house is closer to theirs than before . There are about 4 properties between us and them . Well , just within these past few weeks , the houses on both sides of us have become vacant and up for rent . So they started asking me to rent one and move them there so they are right beside us . At the same time , there was a 3 week period where Chinaider missed several days of school . He said it was because he kept arriving late when the door was already shut , at which point they won 't let you in . So in addition to waking up Junior , Yenilove , Ilayas , and Maraya and getting them ready for school , or in Junior 's case , nagging him to get ready , I now started walking down to the group home and getting everyone up , specifically Chinaider . the space , other than the kitchen and bathroom space . The front door has been broken twice and we just cheaply replaced it . They lose the lock or keys or dismantle the puerta candado which is what holds the lock , on a consistent basis . Literally , it seems as though every week something has happened and their house is once again insecure . I have realized that the only solution in the long run is a doorman . They barely have any yard space . We pay 2 , 500 pesos a month rent . It is a room off of a man named Nelson 's house . Nelson is a very easy going landlord ! They have been there since 2010 , with some overflow at times into other rooms and such . One of these mornings when I woke up Chinaider , I couldn 't figure who one sleeping body covered in a sheet was . I kept asking and asking about everyone 's whereabouts to figure out who was the sleeping body . I located everyone else and then someone admitted that it was Ti Rasta , which means Little Rasta , whose real name is Franco . He quickly popped up , uncovered himself , and started explaining that he had just come in late last night and slept because he lives up the mountain and had come back so late from working at the flea market . I reminded him that I had given him 3 months to stay after he was sneaking and sleeping before and asked that he respected that short opportunity and didn 't enter the house anymore . Yesterday Enelbi came to get me and told me to go visit their house . Bob was sleeping on his bed , passed out drunk . I asked around for where Bob lives so that we could remove him and place him in his own house . Enelbi found his keys in his pocket so we could open his door if it was locked . But then Willy came and got him up and got him out . Bob walked down the road and cussed us out as he went . The other day Louran found his pile of books not in his book bag as he had left them but on the ground , and no trace of his book bag . I suspect Bob took it . Anyway , point being , I agreed it would be great if they lived right next door . I would be able to create a healthy fear around the house so that NO ONE other than those who live there enter , it also has more yard space and a fence that can lock , and I could ring a bell each morning at 6 : 30 am rather than having to walk down the street . Not letting anyone who doesn 't live in the house should prevent the door from being broken again . Another funny situation . I often want to record all issues that are brought to me in a day but don 't have time to record them , but I 'll share this . Yesterday morning Junior couldn 't find his uniform pants . He then found them wet and in the washing machine . Adriana is the woman who helps us with washing clothes in our house and she had made the mistake of washing his pants before the week ended and leaving them wet . I called the director and asked if he could go in navy blue pants instead of black . Negative . Other kids would want to do the same if he was allowed . Uniforms are such a strict thing here in ALL schools . Right after I got off the phone ( I was in the street as I had to go buy the phone card to call ) , I saw Enelbi with black pants on . He goes to our school , which is more leaniant with the uniforms since the kids are so impoverished , but the uniform is not black pants , but khaki . I asked him what happened to his khakis . They ripped . Can you please go put on Junior 's navy pants and let him wear those . That worked out . But the whole situation made me late in getting the little ones to school . Chinaider and Miguelina both showed up after the pants got figured out . Their motos had not shown up . I went and got another guy to take them and he let me pay him later . This is what happens most mornings . And you think it is all figured out , but then something else always comes up . Took this last night when landlady showed . One of the houses was less desired but less expensive . Less desired because it shares a yard with others , which isn 't ideal for them . But someone else rented it quickly so that left only one choice . I had someone lead me to the landlady 's house and we planned a time to meet at the house to see and talk about the price . She waited for me until I got home last night around 6 : 30pm . The lowest she would go is 5 , 000 . I think this is a must . It will mean we have to cover an additional 2 , 500 each month , since the current rent is 2 , 500 . I 'll just mention this quickly . Another 4 houses down from us is a little Haitian church . The Living room kids of the pastor and his wife are quite involved in different Project Esperanza activities and we really enjoy the family . Day before yesterday one of the sons asked if I could go speak with a visitor of theirs . I did . We sat in their yard and talked . He had been here for 3 months , working at a call center , but two pay days had gone by and they had not been paid . He is a pastor from Cap Haitien but had come , as many do , in search of life in the Dominican Republic . He was staying with the pastor who runs the church and his family but had already put a deposit to rent a nearby room , it just wasn 't prepared yet . He was doing some teaching in the church as well . because a staff member was threatening him , he said , and he didn 't want the conflict . It turns out that I know the woman who funds and runs the orphanage ! Anyway , I have always wanted a wise older male to have a role at the group home and be a presence helping to manage things , and also just being a fatherly presence . The right person was yet to come up , Other bedroom . although we have had a few who have done a good enough job , it just wasn 't meant to be a permanent thing for them . I could tell right away from speaking with this man that he was very educated , and he said that he studied four years theology at the university and four years education . I asked for proof and he was about to go get it but I said that he didn 't need to right then . Anyway , let 's talk funds . The new home is 2 , 500 pesos more than the current one . That is around $ 57 US . This is an immediate need . I don 't want this opportunity to go by . I think to initially hire this man , he should be paid between 8 , 000 and 10 , 000 pesos a month . This is between $ 182 and $ 228 . But I am not worrying about that right now . I am just feeling things out with him still and our need for him . So right now , I have an urgent request that Project Esperanza brings in $ 57 more per month to rent this new space . I wonder if anyone can come on as a monthly sponsor or commit to doing a monthly collection or anything to help out with this ? please e - mail me at CaitlinMcHale @ EsperanzaMeansHope . org . Don 't forget to read this book as well , and recommend it to others ! If you want to support Project Esperanza , learn how to do so here . Thank you and God bless ! Publicado por Moto conchos are moto taxis and they are all over the place here . Traffic is very fluid . No one really comes to a complete stop but just look and go . If you are from a developed country where traffic laws are more strict , this can seem very scary , but to locals , this is the norm . I first came to Puerto Plata in May 2006 . I spent two months , came back in Nov . for a week , back in Dec . for about 3 weeks , and then spent about half of 2007 here . In Jan . 2008 , I moved down permanently . I have used moto conchos a lot . They are just convenient . But did I think I was invincible ? I was just always focused on getting errands done quickly and that was the quickest way to do it . Carrying an art shop shipment box to a guagua . At some point I started experiencing fear . I really don 't know why I didn 't for years before this point . Motos drive on the wrong side of the road sometimes if they miss a turn or something along those lines . All of the " rules " are just much more fluid . I remember one day my moto went head on toward another moto and it reminded me of a time I crossed through the doorway at the same time as a veterinarian I was shadowing in Stephens City , VA . He went to pass on one side and so did I . He switched sides and so did I . He made light of it by saying , " May I have this dance ? Thank you . " And we eventually passed each other and got through the doorway . This actually happened as the other moto and my moto went toward each other head on . I found myself beginning to plan what I would do if I was in an accident and thrown onto the ground . I decided I would try to keep my head up so it didn 't smack the ground and get up and out of the road as quickly as possible , so as to not get hit by oncoming traffic . I actually thought about this often as I was on motos . Just as my fear increased , I was given more reason for it to increase . One night I went to an ATM via motorcycle . The driver didn 't even stop to look as he crossed a street . I saw the car coming before he did it seemed , and screamed ! We ran right into the side of the car and fell over in the road . I kept my head up , landed on my butt , and got up and ran onto the sidewalk as soon as I hit the ground . The driver tried to convince me to get back on but I refused and found a private taxi to take me home . My tailbone hurt for quite awhile there . You see , all of the neighborhoods surrounding Puerto Plata , except for a few wealthy ones where it is assumed that pretty much everyone has cars , have a taxi route that passes through the neighborhood . Our neighborhood is the only one that doesn 't . So I either have to walk really far to get home , or take a moto concho . OR pay a private taxi , but that really adds up . I vowed to not go on motWilly began moto conchoing a few years ago . I didn 't want him to do it and didn 't want any of the younger boys to think they could do it when they came of age . But he was so determined and of course talked me into lending him the money to put the down payment . The way the companies work is , you put a down payment of about $ 60 and then you pay daily until it is paid off . He has yet to ever fully pay off a moto and is on his third attempt now . What happened with his first two is a whole other story but he didn 't pay for them anymore than the days he had paid off , so it was as if he had been renting them . He conchos diligently . Willy is going to be 23 in November . He grew up in the boys ' home . . . or at least has done a lot of his growing up there . He couldn 't write his name when he entered , but a few years ago we sent him to the 6th grade national exam in Haiti which he passed . He is now in 8th grade here in the Dominican Republic and will do this national exam after this school year . I am really , really proud of him and really appreciate him . He knows that he is only still allowed to live in the home to help out with younger boys and he does a fairly good job at that . There are , admittedly , a few things I wish he would do more , but without him , I would have to pay someone to stay there with them , and I find things work out much better with a family feel than a paid employee . One day last year we did a " compra " for a mom of 3 students in Padre Granero who had had an operation . A compra is a grocery store purchase . I went on Willy 's moto with him from La Sirena to Padre Granero . Right in front of the police station , he went to pass a parked truck . Motos often pass vehicles so closely that they almost touch them . Vehicles do not open car doors on the side that is open to the road , but on the side next to the sidewalk . That is one " rule " . Right as we passed , this truck swung its door open and knocked us over . Again , I jumped up and ran out of the road ASAP . But this time I had a hard time with a swollen knee and the comCurrent condition of the bridge entering our community . At this point , I stopped taking motorcycles . I only took them from the entrance of our community to my house , so I didn 't have to do the long walk ( if I lacked time or had too much stuff in my arms ) and couldn 't afford a private taxi . But this is an area with lots of speed bumps so lower speed and no big intersections . So to get around town , I took the public taxis and guaguas . Guaguas are vans . They pack people in like sardines . I used to moan and groan to squish in with others and take the time it took , but after these scares , I have just enjoyed sharing with others who were living their lives and trying to earn their pesos in Puerto Plata in order to care for their families . If I had a vehicle , I would 've missed so much of the interaction and solidarity ! However , there is a critique to be made about the planning of the public transportation routes in Puerto Plata . When you get to Calle Beller / La Sirena area , all cars go in the direction toward Munoz and Sosua . None go in the opposite direction . So I can get out of my neighborhood to the main road and take a carrito or guagua to get to most places in town , but as far as getting back , there aren 't really any choices . From Parque Central , the SM goes to La Javilla , but that is far from La Sirena . If you aren 't too familiar with Puerto Plata , it probably sounds like I 'm speaking another language and I apologize . The point is , I have found myself in situations having to take a moto , especially at night when certain public routes are no longer running . So this happened one night . I got 30 , 000 pesos out of the ATM at La Sirena . I clenched my wallet in my hand with a strap around my wrist and started walking home . I said , once I see a moto concho I know , I 'll go with him . But I don 't want to ! I bought a hamburger at a stand along the way and had that dangling from the same wrist of the hand that I clenched the wallet in . I was almost to Supermercado Tropical when I saw a moto concho I knew and got on . When we got close to La Pulga , another moto passed us and swerved into us . My moto swerved away . The passenger of the other moto grabbed my hand and tugged but had no success and they rode off down a side street . I told the moto concho that they must 've been trying to grab my hamburger , as I didn 't want him to know of the money I carried . We made it home and I opened the wallet to pay him . He saw that it was full of money and exclaimed . I told him I had clenched it tightly in my hand since I knew of the dangers of taking out money at night . You may be wondering why I would go get money out at night . Well , stuff happens . Normally it 's an emergency situation someone has and they 've come to me about it . But true , I shouldn 't do it , unless I 'm traveling in the private vehicle . So this added to my growing hatred for motorcycles . I don 't want it to sound like Puerto Plata is a dangerous place . This is the closest I have ever been to being robbed . . sure if you leave something somewhere someone will take it . My sandals were taken from my front porch the other night . But as far as an assault is concerned , I mean . And we have had very few incidences with volunteers as well . The incidences we have had have been a moto concho passing a person on the street and snagging their necklace off of their neck in a quick moment . Other than those 2 incidences among our volunteers , there was one assault / attempted robbery but the girls fought the guy off and he ran away on his awaiting moto ! When I get off of the guagua C or carrito Munoz , the moto conchos at the stop at the entrance to our neighborhood call to see if I want them to drive me . I give them the " wait " hand , cross the street , and then take one home . Sometimes they come over to get me and I refuse to get on before I cross the street . Now they pretty much all know to just wait on the other side . But other than that , no thank you . I won 't take a moto anywhere else . I would rather walk two miles home . Hopefully I can get a vehicle before too long , but also dread the maintenance there . But no , it will be better . I really , really get discouraged sometimes ; especially when it is raining . And it limits how much I can do with my kids . Here is an excerpt from an e - mail I just wrote to Crystal : adults watching chased him with sticks and machetes . Someone he knew lived nearby and he ran to his house . They even hit the owner of the house on the head with a stick . ( The owner of the house he hid in was with him at our house at 2 : 30am . He hid in there until that time . The boy has a broken leg and broken arm apparently . He hung his head and cried . : ( I just loaned him 5 , 000 pesos to give to the family ( who had confiscated his moto ) and he says he 's going to try to sell his moto , although he hasn 't paid it back yet - but sell it and let that person continue paying . . so at a fair price . And he says he 'll help me with everything now . : ) He is helpful but does have a certain amount of things he doesn 't help with that I want him to . Soccer practice is one of the things he hasn 't been as helpful with , but he asked me what time practice was today and guaranteed he would be there . That was so sad to see him cry , though . I thought he was going to say the boy had died , so thank God he didn 't . And I 'll be so glad if he gets rid of the moto once and for all . * * This is an edit a few days after I finished this post . Someone just shared a link with an article about traffic here and some chilling stats : http : / / bigstory . ap . org / article / dominican - traffic - death - rate - among - worlds - highest * * On a final note , is this Passenger , popular in the US ? We recently discovered him on You Tube and we can 't get enough in our house ! I especially like when he is with the group and the girl is singing as well . So I 've got to get back to studying . But felt like it was time to share these motorcycle / transportation woes . Final exams for 2nd year of law school on Dec . 9th and 11th and I am at danger of being ineligible because I am so far behind ! It 's Project Esperanza 's fault , along with that Baby Bar I had to study for , but thank God I passed it and am done with that ! But please pray that I can catch up this month and pass these exams ! Don 't forget , if you want to support me and my work , please consider using this credit card or these awesome gift options . Sign up as a customer here . please e - mail me at CaitlinMcHale @ EsperanzaMeansHope . org . Don 't forget to read this book as well , and recommend it to others ! If you want to support Project Esperanza , learn how to do so here . Thank you and God bless ! Publicado por Here is an e - mail I just wrote to Tammie , a volunteer with Project Helping Hands , a medical group that comes here a few times a year . She visited Elisenia when she first came last year and has been supportive of her care ever since . I recently took Elisenia to get a new x - ray of her leg , where she is missing a tibia , and sent it to both Tammie and CURE International where we had consulted her in Santo Domingo in 2012 . We now are planning on taking her again this month and they may do a surgery within the next five months or so ! I am posting this e - mail because I gave a summary of the events with the kids and the mom over these past 3 years and since I mention the kids and the situation so much , I thought it might be good to share a summary . Hi Tammie , Thank you so much ! : ) I will talk to Adeline to see when we can take her down . I wish I could go and see the consultation in person but I don 't think I can spare a day right now . Just wanted to give you the dates of when we took in Elisenia since you said we found them early last year . It was Nov . 2011 when we first found her being toted around by her sister who was 9 , but very sick . She had just turned one . Her sister and other siblings were students in our school but had not attended that year because of family problems . The mom had been gone for three months at that time and the dad had gotten sick . The mom came back but Elisenia was in critical condition with pneumonia and malnutrition . . . picture attached of her and my daughter . My daughter was 4 mos . and Elisenia was a year . So we had her in the hospital for weeks , volunteers and one of our staff members taking turns sleeping with her , and then moved her into a missionary house in Cabarete and she spent another month there . The guy holding my daughter is our staff member who was taking turns with volunteers staying with her in the hospital . Then we have had her since then but went through 2 caregivers before we found Adeline who cares well for her , just the facilities are not ideal . The mom was back at this timP . S . Junior lived in the group home during his first year , which is just down the road from us and from Adeline and Elisenia , and then when Yenilove moved in with us in Feb . 2013 , he moved into our house too . I find this funny , but as soon as they both moved in , they started plucking white hairs out of my head ! : ) Don 't forget , if you want to support me and my work , please consider using this credit card or these awesome gift options . Sign up as a customer here . If you want to use this method for gaining your own personal support to enable you to do similar work or to just supplement your family income , please e - mail me at CaitlinMcHale @ EsperanzaMeansHope . org . Don 't forget to read this book as well , and recommend it to others ! If you want to support Project Esperanza , learn how to do so here . Thank you and God bless ! Publicado por never did make it to her family 's house . I find it all a bit confusing . So that 's that . I didn 't take Elisenia to see her , but school . Let 's hope he keeps doing well until then ! I should note that the school he is going to this year is much less expensive than the bilingual school . So student loans … how will I pay them back ? Will I move to weeks later . Don 't forget , if you want to support me and my work , please consider using this credit card or these awesome gift options . Sign up as a customer here . If you want to use this method for gaining your own personal support to enable you to do similar work or to just supplement your family income , please e - mail me at CaitlinMcHale @ EsperanzaMeansHope . org . Don 't forget to read this book as well , and recommend it to others ! If you want to support Project Esperanza , learn how to do so here . Thank you and God bless ! Publicado por Hello ! I am writing this e - mail to update you on Elisenia . A lot has happened since I last updated you . My husband 's aunt stayed wi . . . Sick With Worry . . . Please Help Here is an e - mail that I wrote to one of our supporters , John , on Wed . night / Thurs . morning . After writing it , slept perhaps five minutes . . . I have to go do an English lesson soon but first wanted to write about my day yesterday . I first got my family up and ready to go . We then d . . . Maraya , 9 mos . I want to write a quick update and have been meaning to since I wrote my last one . We made it to the US for family u . . . |
A blog to talk about quilting and raising a daughter , which I do in equal measure . I 'll also talk a little about gardening , a little about cooking , and share a few pleasant memories . Hope you enjoy it . Today is a mental health day . Me , by myself , doing whatever I want . So far , I 've finished a corner of the hexagon quilt and helped Sydney finish her second Spanish class project , finished a UFO that I had missed some quilting in . And , by the way , fell back in love with that UFO . I was hating it , which is why it hung , unfinished for over a year . . . with about an hour and a half of quilting left to do . It was already even bound . Anyway , after that , I repaired the dog 's leash where she almost chewed through it when she was younger and before she learned to enjoy walking with me . And , then , I cut the binding for the Triple Irish Chain quilt and pulled out some squares to share with a friend . And , as soon as this shoot ' em up movie is over , I 'm on my way outside with something , I don 't care what , to do on this beautiful fall day . And , it 's only 9 : 30 . Can I be this productive all day ? See ya ' . Lane When I was but a wee bairn , we used to color instead of playing video games . The big trick was to learn to color inside the lines . Now , Bonnie Hunter has me coloring again . And , being creative at the same time . She showed her pattern for her hexagon quilt and that got me thinking . There was no need for me to keep going haphazardly into a perpetual hex project that I could never end . All I needed was a pattern . And , that 's when I learned that pattern designing is not as easy as it sounds . Patterns are worth the $ 9 - $ 15 we spend on them . Somebody made a lot of mistakes so I don 't have to repeat and that 's worth the price I pay for their pattern . You can see my first attempts at designing on the left , still kind of haphazardly trying to add a border without figuring out where and how my corners would line up . But , on my walk with the dog yesterday , I figured out that I could count my repeats and figure out exactly where something would land on the border BEFORE I colored in the block . That resulted in the two plans on the right ; one of which I 'll pick . . . sometime . But , since what I have started isn 't even all together yet and I still need to add a red border before I even consider making all those blue flowers , I have plenty of time to figure it out . While it looks small , that is a considerable number of hexes to cut and baste before I need to piece them onto the quilt . So , how much progress have I made so far ? I went from this to the picture below in two weeks . Yes , three of the corners were assembled before and I pulled out the dark circles and pulled out the dark center and turned those dark circles into diamonds and made a new center . Then , I added the light blue to the dark blue diamonds . Now , I 'm removing enough white hexes to create a space for those new diamonds and am inserting them into the finished corners . One corner is completely finished . One corner is nearly finished . And , the other two just have the blue diamonds laying on top of them . This is a really great traveling project and it 's a great sitting withPosted by This was one nervous 12 year old last night . Grumpy ! But , don 't she look terrific ? ( okay , don 't know where the turn - the - right - foot - that - way came from , but she 's doing it in every picture . ) This is after she got really irritated at me and walked away , leaving me behind . On the drive up , we knew she was nervous and could have engaged in that , but instead , Rob put on her kind of music and he and I talked . About the most we said to her was to remind her that she was nervous and not to let that get away from her . ( really , i was wondering if they 'd miss her if i killed her and dropped her body off a bridge . ) I did have pictures of her with us , but got a little irritated this morning when I realized that in the pic with Rob , she looks all happy and in the pic with me , she looks like she 's having a particularly difficult bowel irritation . So , decided not to post either one . Nah ! Here are the three choirs that performed . Each choir was open to only the top 10 % of the student population of the school , based on grades and choir participation . And , all the schools in the district participated . The Elementary School choir . The middle school choirAnd , the high school choir . Since this is Way Back Wednesday and since I 've already told my own choir story in a previous Weds post , all I could think of was a story about my days in church choir . I was in church choir for several years , probably from when I was about Sydney 's age until I was a senior in high school and it wasn 't cool anymore . I sang tenor . There were only a few tenors and some of my favorite choir memories were of Sunday nights , when the congregation was smaller , the choir loft was less full , and the music was usually the old time gospel that I 'd grown up singing . There was another tenor , whose face I can still see , all these years later , but who 's name I cannot recall . I was in my teens and he was probably in his 50 's at the time . And , the man could not carry a tune in a bucket . It was terrible . But , he never knew it and he sang with all the gusto that only a committed bPosted by Okay , when I talk about it , it 's going to sound like anything but relaxing . But , it was . At least for me . Saturday morning , we had to have Sydney to choir practice by 8 : 30 and it was clear across town . Took us an hour to get her there and back , which left just enough time for a nice little nap . Then , we went to the school and helped the PTA president spread a truck load of mulch . I was iffy on going to do that , but it was a rainy morning and I doubted anyone else would show and I was right . One other parent came kinda late and we left pretty early . I think the president thought she was gonna get out early too , and leave with us , but the other lady clearly came to work , and after the mulch was spread , she moved to start working in another bed . We went home , showered and went out for a little grown - ups - without - kid barbeque lunch and did some shopping . Then , it was an hour back to get the kid . The rest of the afternoon , we stayed in and watched movies and I quilted the sashing on a quilt . I was quilting on my grandmother 's sewing machine and it was working great ! I decided to stay up a little late and oil it . After all , it had only been oiled once in about 20 years and seemed to be running kinda hot . After I oiled it , I could not get it to stitch right . I think I got a little oil in the upper tension assembly and I messed with it and messed with it Saturday night and Sunday morning and finally gave up and moved my thread to my Bernina and kept going on the quilting . Later , I worked in my own flowerbeds a little and cleaned up the chemicals in the potting shed and put them behind a screen so I don 't have to look at them when I sit out there and sew . We shopped and then , as a family , we cleaned out the gutters on the house . That was actually nice . Our gutters have covers , so there 's really only a couple of places that build up . Without many complaints , we knocked those out and cleaned out the downspouts . After showers , Sydney started making her actual Pan de Muerte for the class project ( last weekend was a practice loaf Posted by How much is too much ? This much is too much . Too much working , that is . I don 't remember the last time I worked this hard , but it has been a while . I 'm helping test our new product and meeting about what we 're finding . And when things are different from what we expect , trying to figure out what is right . And , all that is on top of my regular job . I haven 't been sleeping well . Yesterday I was training people on the new product and woke at 3am in a cold sweat . I remember dreaming about the people I was going to be training , but can 't remember what happened in the dream that made me so tense . Some kind of rebellion or maybe they were hunting me . . . I don 't know . But , I was scared when I woke . Last night , I slept until 4 , which was better and woke up restless and unable to get back to sleep . And , it 's been that way all week long . The good news is that I 'm doing good work and still feeling extremely self confident , but very tired . Rob and Sydney are both doing their best to help out ; cooking and cleaning and running errands for me . That 's really helping . But , people are starting to comment on how tired I look . Fortunately , the only thing I have to do this weekend is drive Sydney to choir practice and we 're going back to the school to spread mulch in the flowerbeds . . . well , tentatively we 're going to work at the school . If I 'm too tired , I might have to cancel that . And , every minute I can , I spend working on hexagons for the hex quilt . But , I 'm already losing steam and thinking about what I 'd like to work on next . I have a quilt that is almost all quilted . I couldn 't figure out what to quilt in the sashing . Now , I know what to do and am thinking I might pull that one out and try to finish it . And , that will give me two to bind . I need to get started making some binding or I 'll end up with too many in that stage . I 'm trying to move as many ufo 's to the finished pile as possible and having them back up at the binding stage is not a good thing . That 's too close to finished to let them languish . This morning was so nice . I strolledPosted by I don 't know what got me thinking of my first jobs this morning . It must have something to do with feeling too old for my job today . Just can 't keep up with all these young whippersnappers and all their crazy technology and dance moves . Nowadays , the only job I 'm too young for is WalMart greeter . But when I was in my early 20 's . I must have impressed people with my responsibility because they gave me jobs I was not ready for . My first jobs were in a grocery store . I bagged groceries way back when that was a service they provided and then I became a checker , back when everything had a price stamped on it and you had to key in the price into what amounted to a huge adding machine that held bills in the bottom . And , I stocked and mopped and did other odd jobs , like cleaning the coolers of the old milk stink . I lost that job because I have a big ole ' mouth that used to get me in a lot more trouble . My next job was supervisor of cashiers at a new grocery store that was opening . That was a good job . I did all the training for my cashiers . We were going to have the newest state of the art laser scanning technology and I had to learn to use it , program it , and train it . And , I ran a tight ship , scheduling people when they were needed and keeping them motivated . The store opened like gangbusters and I had to keep every register staffed and then things dropped off . The store brought in a new manager and he brought in his own people and all of us that were there to open the store got demoted from our good positions . And , I quit that one because I didn 't see the point in taking a demotion to keep a good paying job . My , how things have changed and oh for an economy where you can leave a job because you don 't like it . After that , I worked for a couple that had just had twin boys . Now , this was my first job I was too young for . For heaven 's sake , who would leave twin infants alone with a 20 year old ? That is not a job for the young . That requires timing and focus and young people are not well known for either of those . I did it foPosted by A friend asked me to show a picture of Sydney before the dance , with her $ 25 homecoming Mum . Actually , I paid $ 25 and she paid some extra for some of the junk on it . Most of them came with a bell at the bottom , but as you can see , ours came with the complimentary puppy . And , I must not have been in too much trouble on Saturday because she and I baked Pan de Muerte ( Bread for the dead ) otherwise known as Spanish class project number 2 . They 're studying dio de los Muertes ( day of the dead ) in class and had a choice of projects . The bread 's actually pretty good , with anise seed , cinnamon and orange . Not sweet , but not as bland as regular white bread . Since this was a tester loaf , I 've been eating it since Sunday . We 'll have to make another loaf next Sunday for her to take to class . We had lots of laughing as she made her first home made bread . She was kinda grossed out by the texture before she added enough flour for it to be smooth and elastic and she got tired before she was finished kneading . And , she kept reminding me that she had to do it , every time I would try to show her something that I could show easier than I could explain . Okay , that 's it for me today . I 've been working on that hexagon quilt and have decided there 's nothing for it but to go to the store for some more fabric . The blue I 've been using leans just a little bit toward purple and I only have one thing in my stash that goes with it and there 's only a quarter yard of that . So , I 'm going to try to find more . Or at least something close . I know where it came from and last time I was there , they had more . Maybe it 's still there ? Let 's keep our fingers crossed . Lane Yep , last week resulted in a big ole burst of self - confidence for me . Cleveland and being all businesslike ? Yep . Home and all businesslike ( no whining ) ? Yep . Talked to a bunch of people on a plane ? Not usually , but last week , yep . Volleyball ? Dance ? Yep , yep . I love it . Not the shy , reserved old man . Me , bursting at my seams . . . with me ! Back straight , belly in , shoulders back . And , like at the dance , start with a smile . If that doesn 't work , growl at ' em . Now , we 're counting the days until I 'm griping about feeling overwhelmed again . So , this is a candid shot I took at the dance the other night . My kid . Having fun . Although we did have a discussion about sharing hats and bugs . And , see all the little children behind her ? Having fun . Not touching one another . This was in the last half of the dance . And , I did spend the weekend quilting . I finished quilting the Irish Chain quilt . Here is what I put in the open white blocks . And , in the red border , a Greek Key for an Irish Chain . That key went really fast . I marked it with my pounce and the quilting was quick . I used a red thread because I was running low on the variegated thread I used everywhere else . I should have enough left to bind it . On the back of the border , I used a brown thread that matches the dark brown in the variegated thread . I did get some bobbin popup , but since this is a real bed quilt , I doubt that popup is going to keep me awake at nights . Neither is the pucker that runs down part of the center of the back . It 's a tiny thing and not at all worth taking seams out to make it go away . And , I made a lot of headway on the hexagon quilt . I made some decisions and am taking some sections apart . . . again . But , I 'm going to end up with a phenomenal quilt if I ever get it together . I 've been inspired by Bonnie Hunter 's hex quilt and am adding some color to mine . The beauty of it is that because all the seams are folded open and because you only stitch short seams before knotting , I can basically take out a single hex from the center and replace it . So , I 'm going tPosted by I consider myself to be a man of the world . I have seen things . But , nothing prepared me for what I saw at that dance last night . And , I was NOT the cool parent . I worked the ticket booth . Let 's see if I can give you an image of that one . The ash cloud of a volcano rolling down a mountain at 100 miles an hour , but full of horny testosterone and bad breath and dressed in black . They descended upon us . And , each child , all 300 ~ of them , had to sign in and have their name checked against a list of kids who were not allowed to attend and a second list of kids who owed up to $ 50 in library fines . Once two teachers had done that , I had to take their sweaty $ 5 and put a wrist band on them . It was 45 minutes of non - stop insanity . And , then when they were all in , there was nothing to do . So , I decided to brave the dance floor . The teachers warned me . They said I wouldn 't last 15 minutes . But , they were wrong . I got in there and talked to Rob for a second and find out what they were supposed to be doing and then I walked up on a group of about 10 girls who were not just dancing suggestively , they were actually humping one another 's legs on the dance floor . And , Rob said it had been going on all night . Clearly the kids had the parents outnumbered . There were a couple of them that were working the dance floor , my Robby included , but for the most part , they were milling about the edges . But I took care of that . I picked up my size 9 tennis shoe and put it right in the middle of that little group and just as soon as they realized they were about to hump on my left calf , that put a stop to that . Never had to say a word . And , basically , I spent the next 20 minutes making a reputation for myself . I broke up smaller groups of those girls over and over and over until I finally just walked up to two of them and said " If I catch you again , I 'm taking you out to the principal . " and I didn 't see them doing that again . After I had established my reputation as the mean old oger and gotten them into shape , I spent the rest of the evening , just Posted by Just a few moments to spare during the days now . Time passes so fast and I often don 't get to the things I 'd like to , like reading all your blogs . Or , the small mountain of dishes next to the sink . I 'm still getting my half hour a day of sewing . Not willing to give that up , no way , no how , no matter who in my house might miss a meal . I think I 'd insist on that , even if there were no clean dishes . Just my half hour to myself that I don 't worry about anybody or anything , just after I get up in the morning . I 've read how so many of us end up with these really busy times and when I 'm in one or reading about one of yours , I wonder how we get through them . But , we do , and then things go on . With all the work I 've been doing , I haven 't been able to be very attentive to my Mom , who had a little surgery this morning . I 've done my best , knowing that if things turned more serious than they seemed , I could do more later , but that seems a little like splitting hairs to create priorities . . . which I guess is as significant as rationalizing about it . But , there was good news , so that 's trouble avoided , for us all . After the excitement of the game last night , Sydney seemed to get her attitude a little more in hand . Maybe it had something to do with me calmly telling her I didn 't appreciate the things she was saying to me . But , I doubt it . Or , maybe it had something to do with me reminding her that part of being overcontroling meant that she actually gets fed every day . . . well , worded more like every damn day . She got the point . But , I doubt it had anything to do with that either . It was more likely the ever changing hormonal mood that comes and goes the same as a bit of indigestion does to the rest of us . But , I 'm pretty proud of how I handled it all , especially after she hurt my feelings the night I came home . I know it helped when I let her help me decide what to wear to the dance tonight . I figured that was a sure fire way to get at least a modicum of approval from her about us going . And , it seemed to work . Funny thing is that Posted by The girls didn 't win enough games to make it into the tournament , but the coach had this Thursday on the schedule , just in case . She filled it by letting the girls play the parents . And , the parents beat the doo - doo out of them ! ! ! ! Yeah ! See the scoreboard ? The parents were the home team . Here are the parents . When the parents score got about 8 points higher than the girls , the coach would let all the girls on the floor . And , all the parents , too . This is the final hand slap under the net . Way to go Moms and Dads . And , no , I did not play . I ran the scoreboard . Yeah , me ! Work is as stressful as it can get and I can 't get everything done . But , that didn 't stop me from leaving an hour early to go to the game . And , tomorrow nite is the homecoming dance and Rob and I are working . Sydney is so upset that we 're going ( you 're soooo overcontroling ! ! ! stomp stomp ) that I 'm thinking about making her stand behind me at the ticket table in the military at - ease position . Can you imagine how humiliating that would be ? I like it ! Okay , so she 's gonna have to do a bit more for me to take that drastic action , but I 'm considering it as a good backup threat . Take care and hope you had a great Thursday . Lane For such an indpendent old cuss , who spends most of his time wishing people would just leave him alone , I have found out this week that I don 't do real good " alone " . The person I have felt closest to up here has been the waitress in the hotel restaurant . She 's been on duty for every meal , which seems like too many hours , has a smile all the time , and has dawdled at my table to pass a few friendly words about books and food and weather . But , she has dawdled . And , not many other people have done that . Not their fault . They 're busy on other projects and the project I 'm here to rollout , for them , is done . It wasn 't like that in 1990 when I made my first trip to Cleveland . I was in the thick of it . Came up to test the product for 6 weeks in February , before it rolled out . That was the first time I saw snow . . . real snow , not the light powdering we get in the deep south , but knee deep snow . I was so involved and I met so many people and made so many friends in the time I was here . But , with 6 weeks , I had time to really get to know people and find kindred spirits . And , I didn 't really have much going on at home that I was looking that forward to getting back to . I was young and stupid and not at all the distant and quiet man I 've become , so I 'm sure that meeting people had a lot to do with how much I was willing to put out there and now I 'm old and shy and would rather focus on the family I have at home than meeting new people in a city far away . It 's funny how smoking cigarettes created a circle of people , and in the time 3 or 4 times a day that we spent 10 minutes together , we shared things . I wonder if smokers still do that or if they are ostracized to their smoking huts so much that there isn 't time to actually meet their fellow smokers . But , anyway , I met people and we got close and we shared time together , both on and off the company clock . And , those people wanted to show me things . Like my first Jewish deli , and my first taste of home made ginger ale , and real Italian food . Nowadays , when I travel for business , it ' Posted by Sometimes , it 's a really good feeling to let someone else just take over the control . Normally , I am driven to accomplish as much as possible in any given time frame . And , I 'm really good at it . I can multitask with the best of them . So , it was good for me yesterday to let other people take over . And , take over they did . From the time that I dropped off my car at the airport parking lot , someone else was in control of my day . I let them get me to the airport , let them control how fast the line went at the metal detector ( and it was a really long line ) . Then , I let them be in control of getting me where I needed to go at the time they told me I 'd be there . And , all I had to do was read and relax . . . and walk . Jeez , did I ever walk . My gate in Austin was at the far end of the airport . I arrived in Detroit at one end of the airport and took off from the other end and there were no shuttles to get me from one to the other . Then , in Cleveland , I arrived at the end of the terminal and walked to the rental car bus . What I realized yesterday was that it is good to let others take over and just run the day . Unfortunately , there are few situations where I am not forced to do so , that I choose to let someone else be in control . I can do it with Rob . And , I can certainly give over a day or so to let him be in control . And maybe I will do just that soon as I can get back home . But , I bet if you ask him , he 'd tell you he 'd welcome me showing up right now to help him get the school day started ( a task much like herding chickens ) . I do wish I was in a little more control today . Today will be hard for me . Too many people to meet . Too many tasks to accomplish . Too many hours before the task I was sent here to accomplish will start . And , somehow , I managed to get invited to a very uncomfortable meeting with a group that got found out in a big mistake . I look forward to getting back to the room , packing for the trip home tomorrow and basting more hexagons . Oh , well . Nothing to do for it but let it all begin . Have a great Tuesday . LaneOkay , soPosted by Just a few hours before my flight . And , just a few minutes before I pack this laptop away . We enjoyed our time at the school working on school beautification , which involved swinging a pick and working a shovel and watching the organizer plant beautiful plants in places they will never live . And , trying to give advice and then shutting up . But , we all worked hard and now we have an " in " on the volunteer thing . We might even have found places to volunteer at the homecoming dance . . . I think I can take tickets . With tickets , people come , people do what they need to do and then they move on . Sounds perfect for me . And , we did chores . I grew up under the shroud of always thinking " what if something happens to me and I die and someone else comes into my house . what will they find . " Thanks , Mom . Anyway , my undies are clean and so is my house . Last night , we did something we haven 't ever done before . After I cooked for the family yesterday afternoon , we all pitched in and did the dishes . That was nice . It was good family time . Me washing , Rob rinsing and drying and Sydney putting away . And , that hours worth of dishes only took about 15 minutes . Of course , now they 've let me know they can and so next week , I might let them have some more practice . The hexes are all packed for basting . I doubt there will be any assembly time , but there 's plenty of basting to do . Okay , so that 's it for today . Have a great Monday . Next time you hear from me , I 'll be in the north . Cleveland . yippee . Lane This is my hex project . I 've been working on it for years . It came in a box of UFO 's that my mentor had given away and the lady she gave them away to gave them away and they came to me . It started as a collar that was going to be open down one of the long points and was open in the center . When I decided to take this as my project next week , I was pretty blah about it . The best advertisement I can give for it is that it travels well . But , to pack it , I had to pull it out and when I did , I realized , this isn 't so bad . There are a few things I can do to punch it up . . . and it seems that every time I pull it out , I think of something I can do that will improve it . First thing I did was to pull out all the half hexes and add the blue in the center and close it up . Next I added red rows around it and then the muslin with the blue flowers . I 'm going to replace the flower centers with red hexes this time and fix the problem with the flower placement in the lower left corner . . . not sure how I did that . And , finally , I plan to add a round of blue on the edge and call this one done . Or , maybe it will remain a perpetual UFO that I will add to and add to until it is the size of a king size quilt . . . and then . . . See how perpetual UFO 's start ? I 'm sure this has taken so long because I 've been taking the old fashioned route . I used to draw out all the hexes on freezer paper , but this time I drew just one 8 1 / 2 x 11 sheet of paper and then copied it onto freezer paper cut into 8 1 / 2 x 11 . Cut each one out . Press them to the back of the fabric and the rough cut them . Then cut them to as close to 1 / 4 " seamlines as possible and baste them down . Maybe that 's how a perpetual UFO starts . Have a great Saturday . Lane Volleyball is over . Ended last night . Unfortunately , the girls only won one game this season . But , boy , had their skills improved over the season . I 'm pretty sure that Sydney will move on to basketball , which practices at 6am . . . that 's gonna be fun . . . and that she 'll play volleyball again next year . She wasn 't very disappointed last night , which I was afraid she would be . And after the game , we celebrated with some ice cream . Seemed the perfect ending to the season . Work has been excrutiatingly stressful over the last couple of days . What the heck , it 's been stressful for the last couple of years , with periodic bouts of downtime and other times when it seems we 'll never make our deadlines . And , the infighting and finger pointing just make it all the worse . Luckily I 've stayed out of most of that , but this week has been my week as the one pointed at . Sometimes I can hardly stand it . But , I do . Because this is how I 've chosen to make money . And , there 's no choice for it . At least not one that 's going to help before next Tuesday . Next week , I will be in Cleveland , experiencing some of that fall color and cool , crisp days . Kinda looking forward to that , but as always , hate to be away from the family , even for just a few days . I am truly a home - body . I 'll be taking a very old project with me . I have an English paper pieced hexagon medallion quilt in red and off white with a little blue . I thought it would be sooo great when I started it and now I wish I had done something different . But , it 's too late for those thoughts . And , I can do a couple other things to help punch up the color ( I hope ! ) I 'm pretty tired of sewing one unbleached muslin hex to the next unbleached muslin hex , but when I get past that area , I can add things and that will hopefully make it fun again . Thought I had a pic I could upload , but can 't find one now . That speaks to how long I 've been working on this particular UFO . But , it travels well . I just need to get a lot more hexes cut and basted this weekend , which is going to slow progress on the irish Posted by Sometimes TV can really affect what 's going on with me . Last night 's television included a show where a boy 's father lapsed into a coma and the show focused on the spirituality aspect of having faith . And , that has affected Way Back Wednesday . This picture is of a Norman Rockwell plate . Rob collects these and he has quite a few . He ordered this one for me . And , when it came in and he showed it to me , it touched my heart so much that I had to close it back up in the box and put it away for a while . This morning , I hunted it down to share and it will stay out and find a place where I can see it . Other than the father 's glasses and the boy 's blond hair , this IS a memory of mine . It comes from way back . A memory of us in church . My specific church memories put my Dad in the choir loft . But there were times when the choir was released into the congregation and there were times before he joined the choir that he sat with us ; my Mom , my sisters and me . And , those times form a more general memory . My Dad is a quiet man . Except when he 's laughing . He has an infectious laugh and a great sense of humor . He has an intense devotion to family and to God . He claims not to understand some things , but he also has the ability to look past what he doesn 't understand to see a person 's successes or troubles . If anybody needed help and he knew about it , he was there . Quietly . And , any time that we needed help , there was someone there . Just as quietly . Proving he was well respected by his peers . He could tell a story and get the most out of the telling , making people laugh at intervals while he talked . And , he would come home from work and tell jokes . I can remember times when he sat with his brother and sisters and they would tell stories from their childhood and laugh until they cried at the funny things that had happened . He was next to youngest after a long line of girls and apparently , was carried until his feet drug the ground before they made him learn to walk . And there 's a picture of him the year he didn 't get a horse for Cmas , sPosted by I answered most of the questions I got on yesterday 's post about making copies as comments , so if you had a question , check it out and get my answer or my thoughts or whatever . I 'm sure there are as many camps on quilt marking as there are quilt marking tools and my theory is " use all of them " . I hate marking quilts and will look for what I think is the easiest solution every time . I also get caught by not knowing what I want to quilt when I make my sandwich , so I don 't give myself the opportunity very often to mark it by tracing onto the quilt in advance . I 'm usually marking a partially quilted quilt . But , I get by , especially now that I can cut my own marking templates out of template plastic . There was one question yesterday that I didn 't answer and that one is about sewing speed when I FMQ . Pauline asked if I set my machine on slow speed and I decided that needed its own post . The answer is " I used to " . When I started to FMQ , I went slow . Very slow . I tried to be very precise about following the lines . And , I did good work , but will tell you that going slow makes it easier to stay on the line , but harder to get all my stitches to be about the same length . Going slow meant that my stitch length would be consistent when I started , but as I got warmed up , my hands would want to move faster and faster and that would make my stitches longer and longer . Hand speed and machine speed require careful coordination when free motion quilting . With practice , I 've found a great speed to start out at and as I warm up , I still move my hands faster and faster , but I also speed up the machine while I 'm doing that so my stitch length remains consistent . When I started to free hand FMQ , which means FMQ without drawn lines , I found that the faster I ran the machine , the easier it was to get the stitch to happen in the place I wanted it to . It 's like drawing . Sit and draw a curve with pencil and paper and move your hand really slow . The curve will probably not come out the way you want it to . But , imagine the curve and then just put pPosted by Okay , so most copies are made with a photocopier , right ? I could draw each shape on the quilt , but it takes almost as long to draw it as to quilt it in , and that 's not practical . Photocopies leave ink on the thread when you sew through them . And , every other way of making copies I 've found does the same . But , this way works very well . So , the Irish Chain quilt I 'm quilting has 50 solid white squares . And , I decided to put the shape in the photo into those white squares . I drew it on freezer paper and I took a bunch of Golden Threads quilting paper and folded it so I had 25 layers and cut it in half to give me the 50 I needed . I pinned the original to the quilting paper and used an old discarded needle to sew through the shape . And , ended up with 50 copies that I can tear apart and pin to a white square and quilt through . The needle leaves a dimple in the paper and I put that dimple on top so I get not just the holes to show me the way , but the dimples make a shadow that also helps me follow the way . Quilt along the lines and then tear away the paper and I 'm done with a shape . I have 32 of them quilted in . 18 left to go and the borders and this big quilt will be done . Take care and have a great Monday ! Lane This is the potting shed at our house . Rob built this for me about 8 years ago and based on some feedback , he redesigned it about 4 years ago when hail came through the roof . But , now , it 's about perfect and that steep roof acts like a little slide that those sweet hailstones can slide down and say " weeeee ! " ( okay , so it 's been a long day ) Anyway , it is very handy . And , with those two comfy chairs out there , it 's a great place to sit . The last two mornings we sat out there . Yesterday , we got run in by the coolness , but this morning , we closed both doors and it was much nicer . Rob brought his laptop and played music and I took hand quilting and we talked . This is the other side . And , this is the view I wanted to get changed , but didn 't get around to it today . Oh , well . There 's always next weekend . So many chores to do today . We hat the store , tree trimming , cleaning off the deck , I planted lettuce and radishes and some snow peas in the flowerbed . Just tossed about three years of leftover seed that I found in the kitchen this morning and I just threw them . . . except for the peas , which I actually planted in a row . Then , I scrubbed the bathrooms and hand washed some white table cloths and laid them in the yard ( where my brilliant child quickly let the dog run across them and now some are going to need washing again to get the puppy prints off ) and cooking for next week , and dishes , three different times . All that 's left is sweeping and mopping and I 'm pretty sure that will still be waiting for me tomorrow night . And , if it 's not , I really will be happy . Okay , so tomorrow is another day at work . Yippee . Enjoy the rest of your weekend . Lane Posted by I 've gotten pretty good at helping the girl buy jeans and t - shirts and polo shirts and tennis shoes and cutesy little colorful ankle socks . I even learned how to size her for undergarments . But , I have to confess that I was a little intimidated by her acceptance into a city - wide choir and the need to buy her dress up clothes . She needed a plain white shirt , a black skirt , black nylons ( I 'm for hose , she wants tights ) , and black shoes . Selecting was easy , we sent her in with a skirt and we went and looked for the shirt and half slip and camisole and bra and brought them back to the dressing room and handed them over the door for her to try on . Then to the shoe department for her first pair of heels and 35 minutes and 55 dollars later , we had the whole shebang . It was , perhaps the easiest clothes shopping we 've ever done with her . We even got her a new pair of jeans and I got a new pair of slippers . Not much going on around here other than that and quilting . Yesterday , I cleaned out the potting shed and put two comfortable chairs out there and have spent many happy hours out there reading . I just need to come up with a way to cover the sight of chemicals and things and it will pretty much be perfect . I 'll try to get some pics up here tomorrow . Take care and have a great Saturday ! I 'm back to my quilting . Lane I shared this idea with someone the other day who was thinking of machine quilting a larger quilt . And , today , thought I 'd share a picture . So , in watching quilters on TV and reading in magazines , there seems to be one camp of domestic sewing machine quilters who roll the right side of the quilt and keep the left side out flat and straight . And , there 's another group that doesn 't roll at all and just puddles the quilt around the needle . But , I 've found that a combination of the two works best for me . The rolling is so I can easily get a half of a queen size ( or whatever size I 'm working on ) quilt through the narrow throat of my machine . Yes , that is a half of a queen sized quilt in that tight little roll . The other half of the quilt is puddled on a combination of surfaces , including two sewing machine cabinets and a dining table . I never let the left side of the quilt hang as gravity makes it hard to push the quilt along . I keep it all up at the same height and it just moves as I need it to move . Now , look at where I would be sitting and the 45 * angle that is folded in the rolled up part of the quilt . That gives that edge stability and keeps it from dropping down below the sewing surface , which would again be gravity pulling on the quilt . I can pretty much put that angle against my chest and help hold it level with the sewing surfaceOnce in a while , some bulge - y part of the quilt will get stuck on something . I have to watch out for that and anytime I feel the slightest tug against the direction I 'm trying to push , I stop and straighten it . There 's nothing more frustrating than trying to push that and suddenly having it release and jump a long way and you get a really big stitch . Hate that . Anyway , that 's how I do it . And , it seems to be working okay . I 've taken another Friday off . I should feel so guilty . But , I don 't . I 'm not going to quilt all day today , tho . I have some other projects I want to get to . I want to get to . . . . . quilt . . . . . . Lane |
A blog to talk about quilting and raising a daughter , which I do in equal measure . I 'll also talk a little about gardening , a little about cooking , and share a few pleasant memories . Hope you enjoy it . Today is a mental health day . Me , by myself , doing whatever I want . So far , I 've finished a corner of the hexagon quilt and helped Sydney finish her second Spanish class project , finished a UFO that I had missed some quilting in . And , by the way , fell back in love with that UFO . I was hating it , which is why it hung , unfinished for over a year . . . with about an hour and a half of quilting left to do . It was already even bound . Anyway , after that , I repaired the dog 's leash where she almost chewed through it when she was younger and before she learned to enjoy walking with me . And , then , I cut the binding for the Triple Irish Chain quilt and pulled out some squares to share with a friend . And , as soon as this shoot ' em up movie is over , I 'm on my way outside with something , I don 't care what , to do on this beautiful fall day . And , it 's only 9 : 30 . Can I be this productive all day ? See ya ' . Lane When I was but a wee bairn , we used to color instead of playing video games . The big trick was to learn to color inside the lines . Now , Bonnie Hunter has me coloring again . And , being creative at the same time . She showed her pattern for her hexagon quilt and that got me thinking . There was no need for me to keep going haphazardly into a perpetual hex project that I could never end . All I needed was a pattern . And , that 's when I learned that pattern designing is not as easy as it sounds . Patterns are worth the $ 9 - $ 15 we spend on them . Somebody made a lot of mistakes so I don 't have to repeat and that 's worth the price I pay for their pattern . You can see my first attempts at designing on the left , still kind of haphazardly trying to add a border without figuring out where and how my corners would line up . But , on my walk with the dog yesterday , I figured out that I could count my repeats and figure out exactly where something would land on the border BEFORE I colored in the block . That resulted in the two plans on the right ; one of which I 'll pick . . . sometime . But , since what I have started isn 't even all together yet and I still need to add a red border before I even consider making all those blue flowers , I have plenty of time to figure it out . While it looks small , that is a considerable number of hexes to cut and baste before I need to piece them onto the quilt . So , how much progress have I made so far ? I went from this to the picture below in two weeks . Yes , three of the corners were assembled before and I pulled out the dark circles and pulled out the dark center and turned those dark circles into diamonds and made a new center . Then , I added the light blue to the dark blue diamonds . Now , I 'm removing enough white hexes to create a space for those new diamonds and am inserting them into the finished corners . One corner is completely finished . One corner is nearly finished . And , the other two just have the blue diamonds laying on top of them . This is a really great traveling project and it 's a great sitting withPosted by This was one nervous 12 year old last night . Grumpy ! But , don 't she look terrific ? ( okay , don 't know where the turn - the - right - foot - that - way came from , but she 's doing it in every picture . ) This is after she got really irritated at me and walked away , leaving me behind . On the drive up , we knew she was nervous and could have engaged in that , but instead , Rob put on her kind of music and he and I talked . About the most we said to her was to remind her that she was nervous and not to let that get away from her . ( really , i was wondering if they 'd miss her if i killed her and dropped her body off a bridge . ) I did have pictures of her with us , but got a little irritated this morning when I realized that in the pic with Rob , she looks all happy and in the pic with me , she looks like she 's having a particularly difficult bowel irritation . So , decided not to post either one . Nah ! Here are the three choirs that performed . Each choir was open to only the top 10 % of the student population of the school , based on grades and choir participation . And , all the schools in the district participated . The Elementary School choir . The middle school choirAnd , the high school choir . Since this is Way Back Wednesday and since I 've already told my own choir story in a previous Weds post , all I could think of was a story about my days in church choir . I was in church choir for several years , probably from when I was about Sydney 's age until I was a senior in high school and it wasn 't cool anymore . I sang tenor . There were only a few tenors and some of my favorite choir memories were of Sunday nights , when the congregation was smaller , the choir loft was less full , and the music was usually the old time gospel that I 'd grown up singing . There was another tenor , whose face I can still see , all these years later , but who 's name I cannot recall . I was in my teens and he was probably in his 50 's at the time . And , the man could not carry a tune in a bucket . It was terrible . But , he never knew it and he sang with all the gusto that only a committed bPosted by Okay , when I talk about it , it 's going to sound like anything but relaxing . But , it was . At least for me . Saturday morning , we had to have Sydney to choir practice by 8 : 30 and it was clear across town . Took us an hour to get her there and back , which left just enough time for a nice little nap . Then , we went to the school and helped the PTA president spread a truck load of mulch . I was iffy on going to do that , but it was a rainy morning and I doubted anyone else would show and I was right . One other parent came kinda late and we left pretty early . I think the president thought she was gonna get out early too , and leave with us , but the other lady clearly came to work , and after the mulch was spread , she moved to start working in another bed . We went home , showered and went out for a little grown - ups - without - kid barbeque lunch and did some shopping . Then , it was an hour back to get the kid . The rest of the afternoon , we stayed in and watched movies and I quilted the sashing on a quilt . I was quilting on my grandmother 's sewing machine and it was working great ! I decided to stay up a little late and oil it . After all , it had only been oiled once in about 20 years and seemed to be running kinda hot . After I oiled it , I could not get it to stitch right . I think I got a little oil in the upper tension assembly and I messed with it and messed with it Saturday night and Sunday morning and finally gave up and moved my thread to my Bernina and kept going on the quilting . Later , I worked in my own flowerbeds a little and cleaned up the chemicals in the potting shed and put them behind a screen so I don 't have to look at them when I sit out there and sew . We shopped and then , as a family , we cleaned out the gutters on the house . That was actually nice . Our gutters have covers , so there 's really only a couple of places that build up . Without many complaints , we knocked those out and cleaned out the downspouts . After showers , Sydney started making her actual Pan de Muerte for the class project ( last weekend was a practice loaf Posted by How much is too much ? This much is too much . Too much working , that is . I don 't remember the last time I worked this hard , but it has been a while . I 'm helping test our new product and meeting about what we 're finding . And when things are different from what we expect , trying to figure out what is right . And , all that is on top of my regular job . I haven 't been sleeping well . Yesterday I was training people on the new product and woke at 3am in a cold sweat . I remember dreaming about the people I was going to be training , but can 't remember what happened in the dream that made me so tense . Some kind of rebellion or maybe they were hunting me . . . I don 't know . But , I was scared when I woke . Last night , I slept until 4 , which was better and woke up restless and unable to get back to sleep . And , it 's been that way all week long . The good news is that I 'm doing good work and still feeling extremely self confident , but very tired . Rob and Sydney are both doing their best to help out ; cooking and cleaning and running errands for me . That 's really helping . But , people are starting to comment on how tired I look . Fortunately , the only thing I have to do this weekend is drive Sydney to choir practice and we 're going back to the school to spread mulch in the flowerbeds . . . well , tentatively we 're going to work at the school . If I 'm too tired , I might have to cancel that . And , every minute I can , I spend working on hexagons for the hex quilt . But , I 'm already losing steam and thinking about what I 'd like to work on next . I have a quilt that is almost all quilted . I couldn 't figure out what to quilt in the sashing . Now , I know what to do and am thinking I might pull that one out and try to finish it . And , that will give me two to bind . I need to get started making some binding or I 'll end up with too many in that stage . I 'm trying to move as many ufo 's to the finished pile as possible and having them back up at the binding stage is not a good thing . That 's too close to finished to let them languish . This morning was so nice . I strolledPosted by I don 't know what got me thinking of my first jobs this morning . It must have something to do with feeling too old for my job today . Just can 't keep up with all these young whippersnappers and all their crazy technology and dance moves . Nowadays , the only job I 'm too young for is WalMart greeter . But when I was in my early 20 's . I must have impressed people with my responsibility because they gave me jobs I was not ready for . My first jobs were in a grocery store . I bagged groceries way back when that was a service they provided and then I became a checker , back when everything had a price stamped on it and you had to key in the price into what amounted to a huge adding machine that held bills in the bottom . And , I stocked and mopped and did other odd jobs , like cleaning the coolers of the old milk stink . I lost that job because I have a big ole ' mouth that used to get me in a lot more trouble . My next job was supervisor of cashiers at a new grocery store that was opening . That was a good job . I did all the training for my cashiers . We were going to have the newest state of the art laser scanning technology and I had to learn to use it , program it , and train it . And , I ran a tight ship , scheduling people when they were needed and keeping them motivated . The store opened like gangbusters and I had to keep every register staffed and then things dropped off . The store brought in a new manager and he brought in his own people and all of us that were there to open the store got demoted from our good positions . And , I quit that one because I didn 't see the point in taking a demotion to keep a good paying job . My , how things have changed and oh for an economy where you can leave a job because you don 't like it . After that , I worked for a couple that had just had twin boys . Now , this was my first job I was too young for . For heaven 's sake , who would leave twin infants alone with a 20 year old ? That is not a job for the young . That requires timing and focus and young people are not well known for either of those . I did it foPosted by A friend asked me to show a picture of Sydney before the dance , with her $ 25 homecoming Mum . Actually , I paid $ 25 and she paid some extra for some of the junk on it . Most of them came with a bell at the bottom , but as you can see , ours came with the complimentary puppy . And , I must not have been in too much trouble on Saturday because she and I baked Pan de Muerte ( Bread for the dead ) otherwise known as Spanish class project number 2 . They 're studying dio de los Muertes ( day of the dead ) in class and had a choice of projects . The bread 's actually pretty good , with anise seed , cinnamon and orange . Not sweet , but not as bland as regular white bread . Since this was a tester loaf , I 've been eating it since Sunday . We 'll have to make another loaf next Sunday for her to take to class . We had lots of laughing as she made her first home made bread . She was kinda grossed out by the texture before she added enough flour for it to be smooth and elastic and she got tired before she was finished kneading . And , she kept reminding me that she had to do it , every time I would try to show her something that I could show easier than I could explain . Okay , that 's it for me today . I 've been working on that hexagon quilt and have decided there 's nothing for it but to go to the store for some more fabric . The blue I 've been using leans just a little bit toward purple and I only have one thing in my stash that goes with it and there 's only a quarter yard of that . So , I 'm going to try to find more . Or at least something close . I know where it came from and last time I was there , they had more . Maybe it 's still there ? Let 's keep our fingers crossed . Lane Yep , last week resulted in a big ole burst of self - confidence for me . Cleveland and being all businesslike ? Yep . Home and all businesslike ( no whining ) ? Yep . Talked to a bunch of people on a plane ? Not usually , but last week , yep . Volleyball ? Dance ? Yep , yep . I love it . Not the shy , reserved old man . Me , bursting at my seams . . . with me ! Back straight , belly in , shoulders back . And , like at the dance , start with a smile . If that doesn 't work , growl at ' em . Now , we 're counting the days until I 'm griping about feeling overwhelmed again . So , this is a candid shot I took at the dance the other night . My kid . Having fun . Although we did have a discussion about sharing hats and bugs . And , see all the little children behind her ? Having fun . Not touching one another . This was in the last half of the dance . And , I did spend the weekend quilting . I finished quilting the Irish Chain quilt . Here is what I put in the open white blocks . And , in the red border , a Greek Key for an Irish Chain . That key went really fast . I marked it with my pounce and the quilting was quick . I used a red thread because I was running low on the variegated thread I used everywhere else . I should have enough left to bind it . On the back of the border , I used a brown thread that matches the dark brown in the variegated thread . I did get some bobbin popup , but since this is a real bed quilt , I doubt that popup is going to keep me awake at nights . Neither is the pucker that runs down part of the center of the back . It 's a tiny thing and not at all worth taking seams out to make it go away . And , I made a lot of headway on the hexagon quilt . I made some decisions and am taking some sections apart . . . again . But , I 'm going to end up with a phenomenal quilt if I ever get it together . I 've been inspired by Bonnie Hunter 's hex quilt and am adding some color to mine . The beauty of it is that because all the seams are folded open and because you only stitch short seams before knotting , I can basically take out a single hex from the center and replace it . So , I 'm going tPosted by I consider myself to be a man of the world . I have seen things . But , nothing prepared me for what I saw at that dance last night . And , I was NOT the cool parent . I worked the ticket booth . Let 's see if I can give you an image of that one . The ash cloud of a volcano rolling down a mountain at 100 miles an hour , but full of horny testosterone and bad breath and dressed in black . They descended upon us . And , each child , all 300 ~ of them , had to sign in and have their name checked against a list of kids who were not allowed to attend and a second list of kids who owed up to $ 50 in library fines . Once two teachers had done that , I had to take their sweaty $ 5 and put a wrist band on them . It was 45 minutes of non - stop insanity . And , then when they were all in , there was nothing to do . So , I decided to brave the dance floor . The teachers warned me . They said I wouldn 't last 15 minutes . But , they were wrong . I got in there and talked to Rob for a second and find out what they were supposed to be doing and then I walked up on a group of about 10 girls who were not just dancing suggestively , they were actually humping one another 's legs on the dance floor . And , Rob said it had been going on all night . Clearly the kids had the parents outnumbered . There were a couple of them that were working the dance floor , my Robby included , but for the most part , they were milling about the edges . But I took care of that . I picked up my size 9 tennis shoe and put it right in the middle of that little group and just as soon as they realized they were about to hump on my left calf , that put a stop to that . Never had to say a word . And , basically , I spent the next 20 minutes making a reputation for myself . I broke up smaller groups of those girls over and over and over until I finally just walked up to two of them and said " If I catch you again , I 'm taking you out to the principal . " and I didn 't see them doing that again . After I had established my reputation as the mean old oger and gotten them into shape , I spent the rest of the evening , just Posted by Just a few moments to spare during the days now . Time passes so fast and I often don 't get to the things I 'd like to , like reading all your blogs . Or , the small mountain of dishes next to the sink . I 'm still getting my half hour a day of sewing . Not willing to give that up , no way , no how , no matter who in my house might miss a meal . I think I 'd insist on that , even if there were no clean dishes . Just my half hour to myself that I don 't worry about anybody or anything , just after I get up in the morning . I 've read how so many of us end up with these really busy times and when I 'm in one or reading about one of yours , I wonder how we get through them . But , we do , and then things go on . With all the work I 've been doing , I haven 't been able to be very attentive to my Mom , who had a little surgery this morning . I 've done my best , knowing that if things turned more serious than they seemed , I could do more later , but that seems a little like splitting hairs to create priorities . . . which I guess is as significant as rationalizing about it . But , there was good news , so that 's trouble avoided , for us all . After the excitement of the game last night , Sydney seemed to get her attitude a little more in hand . Maybe it had something to do with me calmly telling her I didn 't appreciate the things she was saying to me . But , I doubt it . Or , maybe it had something to do with me reminding her that part of being overcontroling meant that she actually gets fed every day . . . well , worded more like every damn day . She got the point . But , I doubt it had anything to do with that either . It was more likely the ever changing hormonal mood that comes and goes the same as a bit of indigestion does to the rest of us . But , I 'm pretty proud of how I handled it all , especially after she hurt my feelings the night I came home . I know it helped when I let her help me decide what to wear to the dance tonight . I figured that was a sure fire way to get at least a modicum of approval from her about us going . And , it seemed to work . Funny thing is that Posted by The girls didn 't win enough games to make it into the tournament , but the coach had this Thursday on the schedule , just in case . She filled it by letting the girls play the parents . And , the parents beat the doo - doo out of them ! ! ! ! Yeah ! See the scoreboard ? The parents were the home team . Here are the parents . When the parents score got about 8 points higher than the girls , the coach would let all the girls on the floor . And , all the parents , too . This is the final hand slap under the net . Way to go Moms and Dads . And , no , I did not play . I ran the scoreboard . Yeah , me ! Work is as stressful as it can get and I can 't get everything done . But , that didn 't stop me from leaving an hour early to go to the game . And , tomorrow nite is the homecoming dance and Rob and I are working . Sydney is so upset that we 're going ( you 're soooo overcontroling ! ! ! stomp stomp ) that I 'm thinking about making her stand behind me at the ticket table in the military at - ease position . Can you imagine how humiliating that would be ? I like it ! Okay , so she 's gonna have to do a bit more for me to take that drastic action , but I 'm considering it as a good backup threat . Take care and hope you had a great Thursday . Lane For such an indpendent old cuss , who spends most of his time wishing people would just leave him alone , I have found out this week that I don 't do real good " alone " . The person I have felt closest to up here has been the waitress in the hotel restaurant . She 's been on duty for every meal , which seems like too many hours , has a smile all the time , and has dawdled at my table to pass a few friendly words about books and food and weather . But , she has dawdled . And , not many other people have done that . Not their fault . They 're busy on other projects and the project I 'm here to rollout , for them , is done . It wasn 't like that in 1990 when I made my first trip to Cleveland . I was in the thick of it . Came up to test the product for 6 weeks in February , before it rolled out . That was the first time I saw snow . . . real snow , not the light powdering we get in the deep south , but knee deep snow . I was so involved and I met so many people and made so many friends in the time I was here . But , with 6 weeks , I had time to really get to know people and find kindred spirits . And , I didn 't really have much going on at home that I was looking that forward to getting back to . I was young and stupid and not at all the distant and quiet man I 've become , so I 'm sure that meeting people had a lot to do with how much I was willing to put out there and now I 'm old and shy and would rather focus on the family I have at home than meeting new people in a city far away . It 's funny how smoking cigarettes created a circle of people , and in the time 3 or 4 times a day that we spent 10 minutes together , we shared things . I wonder if smokers still do that or if they are ostracized to their smoking huts so much that there isn 't time to actually meet their fellow smokers . But , anyway , I met people and we got close and we shared time together , both on and off the company clock . And , those people wanted to show me things . Like my first Jewish deli , and my first taste of home made ginger ale , and real Italian food . Nowadays , when I travel for business , it ' Posted by Sometimes , it 's a really good feeling to let someone else just take over the control . Normally , I am driven to accomplish as much as possible in any given time frame . And , I 'm really good at it . I can multitask with the best of them . So , it was good for me yesterday to let other people take over . And , take over they did . From the time that I dropped off my car at the airport parking lot , someone else was in control of my day . I let them get me to the airport , let them control how fast the line went at the metal detector ( and it was a really long line ) . Then , I let them be in control of getting me where I needed to go at the time they told me I 'd be there . And , all I had to do was read and relax . . . and walk . Jeez , did I ever walk . My gate in Austin was at the far end of the airport . I arrived in Detroit at one end of the airport and took off from the other end and there were no shuttles to get me from one to the other . Then , in Cleveland , I arrived at the end of the terminal and walked to the rental car bus . What I realized yesterday was that it is good to let others take over and just run the day . Unfortunately , there are few situations where I am not forced to do so , that I choose to let someone else be in control . I can do it with Rob . And , I can certainly give over a day or so to let him be in control . And maybe I will do just that soon as I can get back home . But , I bet if you ask him , he 'd tell you he 'd welcome me showing up right now to help him get the school day started ( a task much like herding chickens ) . I do wish I was in a little more control today . Today will be hard for me . Too many people to meet . Too many tasks to accomplish . Too many hours before the task I was sent here to accomplish will start . And , somehow , I managed to get invited to a very uncomfortable meeting with a group that got found out in a big mistake . I look forward to getting back to the room , packing for the trip home tomorrow and basting more hexagons . Oh , well . Nothing to do for it but let it all begin . Have a great Tuesday . LaneOkay , soPosted by Just a few hours before my flight . And , just a few minutes before I pack this laptop away . We enjoyed our time at the school working on school beautification , which involved swinging a pick and working a shovel and watching the organizer plant beautiful plants in places they will never live . And , trying to give advice and then shutting up . But , we all worked hard and now we have an " in " on the volunteer thing . We might even have found places to volunteer at the homecoming dance . . . I think I can take tickets . With tickets , people come , people do what they need to do and then they move on . Sounds perfect for me . And , we did chores . I grew up under the shroud of always thinking " what if something happens to me and I die and someone else comes into my house . what will they find . " Thanks , Mom . Anyway , my undies are clean and so is my house . Last night , we did something we haven 't ever done before . After I cooked for the family yesterday afternoon , we all pitched in and did the dishes . That was nice . It was good family time . Me washing , Rob rinsing and drying and Sydney putting away . And , that hours worth of dishes only took about 15 minutes . Of course , now they 've let me know they can and so next week , I might let them have some more practice . The hexes are all packed for basting . I doubt there will be any assembly time , but there 's plenty of basting to do . Okay , so that 's it for today . Have a great Monday . Next time you hear from me , I 'll be in the north . Cleveland . yippee . Lane This is my hex project . I 've been working on it for years . It came in a box of UFO 's that my mentor had given away and the lady she gave them away to gave them away and they came to me . It started as a collar that was going to be open down one of the long points and was open in the center . When I decided to take this as my project next week , I was pretty blah about it . The best advertisement I can give for it is that it travels well . But , to pack it , I had to pull it out and when I did , I realized , this isn 't so bad . There are a few things I can do to punch it up . . . and it seems that every time I pull it out , I think of something I can do that will improve it . First thing I did was to pull out all the half hexes and add the blue in the center and close it up . Next I added red rows around it and then the muslin with the blue flowers . I 'm going to replace the flower centers with red hexes this time and fix the problem with the flower placement in the lower left corner . . . not sure how I did that . And , finally , I plan to add a round of blue on the edge and call this one done . Or , maybe it will remain a perpetual UFO that I will add to and add to until it is the size of a king size quilt . . . and then . . . See how perpetual UFO 's start ? I 'm sure this has taken so long because I 've been taking the old fashioned route . I used to draw out all the hexes on freezer paper , but this time I drew just one 8 1 / 2 x 11 sheet of paper and then copied it onto freezer paper cut into 8 1 / 2 x 11 . Cut each one out . Press them to the back of the fabric and the rough cut them . Then cut them to as close to 1 / 4 " seamlines as possible and baste them down . Maybe that 's how a perpetual UFO starts . Have a great Saturday . Lane Volleyball is over . Ended last night . Unfortunately , the girls only won one game this season . But , boy , had their skills improved over the season . I 'm pretty sure that Sydney will move on to basketball , which practices at 6am . . . that 's gonna be fun . . . and that she 'll play volleyball again next year . She wasn 't very disappointed last night , which I was afraid she would be . And after the game , we celebrated with some ice cream . Seemed the perfect ending to the season . Work has been excrutiatingly stressful over the last couple of days . What the heck , it 's been stressful for the last couple of years , with periodic bouts of downtime and other times when it seems we 'll never make our deadlines . And , the infighting and finger pointing just make it all the worse . Luckily I 've stayed out of most of that , but this week has been my week as the one pointed at . Sometimes I can hardly stand it . But , I do . Because this is how I 've chosen to make money . And , there 's no choice for it . At least not one that 's going to help before next Tuesday . Next week , I will be in Cleveland , experiencing some of that fall color and cool , crisp days . Kinda looking forward to that , but as always , hate to be away from the family , even for just a few days . I am truly a home - body . I 'll be taking a very old project with me . I have an English paper pieced hexagon medallion quilt in red and off white with a little blue . I thought it would be sooo great when I started it and now I wish I had done something different . But , it 's too late for those thoughts . And , I can do a couple other things to help punch up the color ( I hope ! ) I 'm pretty tired of sewing one unbleached muslin hex to the next unbleached muslin hex , but when I get past that area , I can add things and that will hopefully make it fun again . Thought I had a pic I could upload , but can 't find one now . That speaks to how long I 've been working on this particular UFO . But , it travels well . I just need to get a lot more hexes cut and basted this weekend , which is going to slow progress on the irish Posted by Sometimes TV can really affect what 's going on with me . Last night 's television included a show where a boy 's father lapsed into a coma and the show focused on the spirituality aspect of having faith . And , that has affected Way Back Wednesday . This picture is of a Norman Rockwell plate . Rob collects these and he has quite a few . He ordered this one for me . And , when it came in and he showed it to me , it touched my heart so much that I had to close it back up in the box and put it away for a while . This morning , I hunted it down to share and it will stay out and find a place where I can see it . Other than the father 's glasses and the boy 's blond hair , this IS a memory of mine . It comes from way back . A memory of us in church . My specific church memories put my Dad in the choir loft . But there were times when the choir was released into the congregation and there were times before he joined the choir that he sat with us ; my Mom , my sisters and me . And , those times form a more general memory . My Dad is a quiet man . Except when he 's laughing . He has an infectious laugh and a great sense of humor . He has an intense devotion to family and to God . He claims not to understand some things , but he also has the ability to look past what he doesn 't understand to see a person 's successes or troubles . If anybody needed help and he knew about it , he was there . Quietly . And , any time that we needed help , there was someone there . Just as quietly . Proving he was well respected by his peers . He could tell a story and get the most out of the telling , making people laugh at intervals while he talked . And , he would come home from work and tell jokes . I can remember times when he sat with his brother and sisters and they would tell stories from their childhood and laugh until they cried at the funny things that had happened . He was next to youngest after a long line of girls and apparently , was carried until his feet drug the ground before they made him learn to walk . And there 's a picture of him the year he didn 't get a horse for Cmas , sPosted by I answered most of the questions I got on yesterday 's post about making copies as comments , so if you had a question , check it out and get my answer or my thoughts or whatever . I 'm sure there are as many camps on quilt marking as there are quilt marking tools and my theory is " use all of them " . I hate marking quilts and will look for what I think is the easiest solution every time . I also get caught by not knowing what I want to quilt when I make my sandwich , so I don 't give myself the opportunity very often to mark it by tracing onto the quilt in advance . I 'm usually marking a partially quilted quilt . But , I get by , especially now that I can cut my own marking templates out of template plastic . There was one question yesterday that I didn 't answer and that one is about sewing speed when I FMQ . Pauline asked if I set my machine on slow speed and I decided that needed its own post . The answer is " I used to " . When I started to FMQ , I went slow . Very slow . I tried to be very precise about following the lines . And , I did good work , but will tell you that going slow makes it easier to stay on the line , but harder to get all my stitches to be about the same length . Going slow meant that my stitch length would be consistent when I started , but as I got warmed up , my hands would want to move faster and faster and that would make my stitches longer and longer . Hand speed and machine speed require careful coordination when free motion quilting . With practice , I 've found a great speed to start out at and as I warm up , I still move my hands faster and faster , but I also speed up the machine while I 'm doing that so my stitch length remains consistent . When I started to free hand FMQ , which means FMQ without drawn lines , I found that the faster I ran the machine , the easier it was to get the stitch to happen in the place I wanted it to . It 's like drawing . Sit and draw a curve with pencil and paper and move your hand really slow . The curve will probably not come out the way you want it to . But , imagine the curve and then just put pPosted by Okay , so most copies are made with a photocopier , right ? I could draw each shape on the quilt , but it takes almost as long to draw it as to quilt it in , and that 's not practical . Photocopies leave ink on the thread when you sew through them . And , every other way of making copies I 've found does the same . But , this way works very well . So , the Irish Chain quilt I 'm quilting has 50 solid white squares . And , I decided to put the shape in the photo into those white squares . I drew it on freezer paper and I took a bunch of Golden Threads quilting paper and folded it so I had 25 layers and cut it in half to give me the 50 I needed . I pinned the original to the quilting paper and used an old discarded needle to sew through the shape . And , ended up with 50 copies that I can tear apart and pin to a white square and quilt through . The needle leaves a dimple in the paper and I put that dimple on top so I get not just the holes to show me the way , but the dimples make a shadow that also helps me follow the way . Quilt along the lines and then tear away the paper and I 'm done with a shape . I have 32 of them quilted in . 18 left to go and the borders and this big quilt will be done . Take care and have a great Monday ! Lane This is the potting shed at our house . Rob built this for me about 8 years ago and based on some feedback , he redesigned it about 4 years ago when hail came through the roof . But , now , it 's about perfect and that steep roof acts like a little slide that those sweet hailstones can slide down and say " weeeee ! " ( okay , so it 's been a long day ) Anyway , it is very handy . And , with those two comfy chairs out there , it 's a great place to sit . The last two mornings we sat out there . Yesterday , we got run in by the coolness , but this morning , we closed both doors and it was much nicer . Rob brought his laptop and played music and I took hand quilting and we talked . This is the other side . And , this is the view I wanted to get changed , but didn 't get around to it today . Oh , well . There 's always next weekend . So many chores to do today . We hat the store , tree trimming , cleaning off the deck , I planted lettuce and radishes and some snow peas in the flowerbed . Just tossed about three years of leftover seed that I found in the kitchen this morning and I just threw them . . . except for the peas , which I actually planted in a row . Then , I scrubbed the bathrooms and hand washed some white table cloths and laid them in the yard ( where my brilliant child quickly let the dog run across them and now some are going to need washing again to get the puppy prints off ) and cooking for next week , and dishes , three different times . All that 's left is sweeping and mopping and I 'm pretty sure that will still be waiting for me tomorrow night . And , if it 's not , I really will be happy . Okay , so tomorrow is another day at work . Yippee . Enjoy the rest of your weekend . Lane Posted by I 've gotten pretty good at helping the girl buy jeans and t - shirts and polo shirts and tennis shoes and cutesy little colorful ankle socks . I even learned how to size her for undergarments . But , I have to confess that I was a little intimidated by her acceptance into a city - wide choir and the need to buy her dress up clothes . She needed a plain white shirt , a black skirt , black nylons ( I 'm for hose , she wants tights ) , and black shoes . Selecting was easy , we sent her in with a skirt and we went and looked for the shirt and half slip and camisole and bra and brought them back to the dressing room and handed them over the door for her to try on . Then to the shoe department for her first pair of heels and 35 minutes and 55 dollars later , we had the whole shebang . It was , perhaps the easiest clothes shopping we 've ever done with her . We even got her a new pair of jeans and I got a new pair of slippers . Not much going on around here other than that and quilting . Yesterday , I cleaned out the potting shed and put two comfortable chairs out there and have spent many happy hours out there reading . I just need to come up with a way to cover the sight of chemicals and things and it will pretty much be perfect . I 'll try to get some pics up here tomorrow . Take care and have a great Saturday ! I 'm back to my quilting . Lane I shared this idea with someone the other day who was thinking of machine quilting a larger quilt . And , today , thought I 'd share a picture . So , in watching quilters on TV and reading in magazines , there seems to be one camp of domestic sewing machine quilters who roll the right side of the quilt and keep the left side out flat and straight . And , there 's another group that doesn 't roll at all and just puddles the quilt around the needle . But , I 've found that a combination of the two works best for me . The rolling is so I can easily get a half of a queen size ( or whatever size I 'm working on ) quilt through the narrow throat of my machine . Yes , that is a half of a queen sized quilt in that tight little roll . The other half of the quilt is puddled on a combination of surfaces , including two sewing machine cabinets and a dining table . I never let the left side of the quilt hang as gravity makes it hard to push the quilt along . I keep it all up at the same height and it just moves as I need it to move . Now , look at where I would be sitting and the 45 * angle that is folded in the rolled up part of the quilt . That gives that edge stability and keeps it from dropping down below the sewing surface , which would again be gravity pulling on the quilt . I can pretty much put that angle against my chest and help hold it level with the sewing surfaceOnce in a while , some bulge - y part of the quilt will get stuck on something . I have to watch out for that and anytime I feel the slightest tug against the direction I 'm trying to push , I stop and straighten it . There 's nothing more frustrating than trying to push that and suddenly having it release and jump a long way and you get a really big stitch . Hate that . Anyway , that 's how I do it . And , it seems to be working okay . I 've taken another Friday off . I should feel so guilty . But , I don 't . I 'm not going to quilt all day today , tho . I have some other projects I want to get to . I want to get to . . . . . quilt . . . . . . Lane |
1 . One of the most important changes in my life was when I admitted to myself that I 'm depressed . It wasn 't easy to admit such a thing to myself but I 'm much better now that I 've reached out for help . I 'm seeing a psychologist and taking anti - depressants and I 'm slowly getting better . I would like to say thank you to Mr . Starlight because you 've been so sweet , patient and considerate in the past year . I don 't know what I would do without your help and I know that I 've said thank you a million times but I will never be able to do for you what you 've done for me . Thank you darling , I love you so much . 2 . The scariest moment this year was when my little sister Pia sent me a text message saying that my other sister Klara is in the hospital because she badly hurt herself . My world stopped for a moment . I called my Mom and she didn 't pick up so I called Pia and asked her what 's going on and if Klara is going to be ok . She told me that Klara fell from a 5 meter ( approx . 16 feet ) ledge and landed on her head . . Mr . Starlight and I immediately drove to the hospital and when I walked into Klaras room I was shocked . I couldn 't say anything because I could barely stop myself from crying . She had a swollen eye and she could barely open it . She also had a wound on her forehead and smaller bruises and it looked very badly . She smiled when I came to her bedside and I hugged her happily knowing that she 'll be alright . 3 . In July Mr . Starlight and I went on a road trip around the Europe for a month . We drove through Switzerland , Lichtenstein , France , Luxembourg , The Netherlands , Belgium , United Kingdom ( ok , we only visited London but we were in The UK , that counts , right ? ) , Italy and Monaco . It was the best road trip ever and we had so much fun . I could write a lot more about this but it would turn out to be a post about the road trip , so I 'll stop here . 4 . Because of my depression I had problems with my studies and I thought I won 't pass my second year . It was really rough two months for me but Mr . Starlight and his mother was telling me I can do it all the time . They really helped me and believed in me when even I didn 't and I 'm really grateful for that . With their encouragement and a lot of studying I 'm now in my third year of studies . 5 . In October I started writing my blog . I had problems sleeping and one night at about 2 am I wrote my first blog post I 'm a virgin . Since then I 'm regularly writing about all sorts of things and I think this also helps me cope with my depression . A few people are regularly reading and commenting on my blog which I really appreciate . It 's nice to know that someone is interested in my writing and it keeps me doing it . A huge thanks to all of you out there who read my posts and leave me comments . I 'm really grateful for this and it means so much to me . This is another post from Jennys point of view . I 'm early again , as usual . In these days most people are always in a hurry and late which I really hate . I 'm sure Nancy and Tina will come 5 minutes early , they always do and I really respect them for it . They 're not like Emma who 's always late . I really wish she would be here , I love planning events with her . " Hey darling , we 're not late , are we ? " Nancy is always so well spoken . She and Tina come in a package . They 've been best friends since primary school and they are soul mates . They complete each others sentences , smile together and cry together . I 'm a bit jealous of them because it 's not like this with me and Emma . I would love to cry with her but she always shuts me out . " Where 's Emma ? Should we wait for her ? " Tina is the one who probably understands Emma much better than I do . She had also lost a baby but she dealt with it much better than Emma did . I really admire her , she is so strong . " No , Emma is not coming . I though you knew . Tim and her are spending their holidays in Seychelles . I thought she told you . " Though I 'm not surprised she didn 't . She wouldn 't tell me if I wouldn 't call her yesterday . The waitress comes and we order a bottle of wine . This is our tradition when we meet for lunch . " Oh , how nice . I 'm sure they 'll have a wonderful time there . " Said Nancy . It 's obvious that she doesn 't have a clue about what 's going on with Emma . She 's a brilliant actress I have to give her that . Should I tell Nancy and Tina what 's going on with Emma ? Maybe they would have an idea how to help her . " She 's looking forward to this trip . She really needs a vacation since she 's working all the time . " It 's better to wait and tell them later , after the party . I don 't want to ruin the New Years Eve for them . " Well , that 's wonderful . She 's been very busy lately , yes , she didn 't answer the phone or return any of my calls . Is there anything wrong with her ? " Tina is an excellent observer . But I still don 't want them to worry because they can 't help Emma in the next few weeks . I 'll tell them later . " No , there 's nothing wrong with her , not that I would know . " I hate lying to them but I think it 's the best I can do at this moment . The waitress brings the wine and pours it into our glasses . I take a long sip . It 's really good wine , I should buy a bottle to take home since I 'm spending the evening alone . Again . " Jen , my mom is divorcing her third husband and she wants to hire you to re - decorate her house . She said she 'll call you soon . " I didn 't know she 's divorcing again . She hired me when her first husband , Tina 's father , died because she wanted to move on and she didn 't want the furniture to remain the same . She did the same thing when she divorced her second husband and it seems that she 's doing the same now which is good for me . No one has hired me for two months now . " I would love to help her out . How is she doing ? " I 'm not surprised that Tina doesn 't care so much about her mother 's divorce . She never approved of her mother getting re - married and she never liked her second or third husband . " She 's ok . She just wants to get rid of the things that remind her of him . " I understand her mother . I re - decorated our apartment when I figured out that Mark 's cheating on me . But I didn 't accomplish anything . He 's still doing it and I want to get rid of the new furniture because it reminds me of him cheating on me . Maybe , I should get rid of him . " I have better news . " Says Nancy . " We 're trying to get pregnant . " This is not a surprise . Nancy and Jim have a perfect life . I smile . It 's a fake smile though ; I don 't want them to know how unhappy I am . I didn 't tell anyone about Marks affair because I don 't want their pity . I 'm really happy for her but I want to have a perfect husband and a perfect marriage too . I want to have a child but I don 't want to have a child with my cheating husband . Avtor A very talented and sweet blogger Christine passed the award to me and I didn 't even notice that I 'm one of the five bloggers she had chosen so she sent me an email asking if I noticed I won the award ( I 'm very busy studying ) . Isn 't that really sweet of her ? Do check out her blog . 1 . I talk in my sleep . And not just talk … I have long conversations , sometimes with myself and sometimes with Mr . Starlight . A couple of nights ago I was talking to myself in English ( or so I was told ) and this is a bit weird since my mother tongue is Slovenian . 2 . I love cactuses . I used to collect them but then I moved away from home and now I don 't have any idea where my collection is . I 'm sad because of it but I don 't have space in my small apartment for all those cactuses and I always forget to ask my Mum where they are . 3 . I 'm a huge Formula 1 fan . I 've watched it every Sunday after lunch with my Dad and we had always fought about it since we never supported the same driver or team . I still watch it and I 'm really happy that Mr . Starlight is also a fan since less and less people enjoy watching this wonderful motorsport . 4 . I own a BlackBerry Curve 8900 ( random , ha ? ) . I really wanted one and I got it for my birthday in March . I still love it as much as I did it when I got it ( this is very unusual for me since i get bored with every phone in a couple of weeks ) . 5 . I " ran over " a motorcyclist once . Well actually he hit me . . . I cut him of in a T - junction and he crashed into me . The police said it was my fault , because I cut him off , but he was driving way over the speed limit and I didn 't see him , because he was coming around a corner really fast and by the time he was in my eyesight it was too late , so I really think it was actually his fault . I had to go in front of a judge , and I got 60 hours of community service . I hate motorcyclists since then . This was a really hard task ( believe it or not , I was writing this for about 45 minutes ) . But now I have an even harder task to do , following the tradition : Choosing five ( just five ! ! ) bloggers to pass the award to . There are so many excellent writers on my reading list and I would love to pass the award to all of them . But I have to choose just five . So here they are : Dear reader , this " chapter " is from Jennys ( Emmas best friend ) point of view . I 've decided to try and write it from another point of view and I hope you 'll like it . Please do tell me what you think about it ; as always - constructive criticism is very welcome . Mark 's calling me , should I answer ? I 'm sure he 's calling to inform me that he 'll be late tonight . I should answer maybe something 's wrong . " Hello . " I 'm trying to sound as normal as I can ; I don 't want him to know how much he 's hurting me . " Hey honey I 'm just calling to tell you that I won 't make it to dinner tonight . I 'm really sorry but I have so much work to do . This new project we 're working on is very complicated and time consuming . " Honey ? ? ? Seriously , he has the guts to call me honey ? I can 't believe it . And I 've been listening to this same excuse for months now , he should make up a new one . Does he really think I believe him ? I did for the first couple of times he said he was working late . But I don 't anymore , I 'm not stupid . " Ok . " I hang up . I really don 't know what he expects me to say . I don 't want to think about this . I want to forget about it and put it aside . I have to distract myself . We really should make plans for New Years party , we 're really late this year . I hope that I 'll be able to involve Emma ; I 'm really worried about her . She 's been avoiding me and I think that she 's avoiding everyone . It seems her problems are coming back and I would like to help her but I don 't want to be pushy . I 'm calling her and I hope she 'll pick up . She hung up . That 's nothing new ; I could expect this from her ; she wasn 't answering my calls for a couple of weeks and I had to call Tim to ask him what 's going on with her . He told me what I already knew ; she 's having another episode of depression . She 's calling back , that 's a victory . " Hey Jen , what 's up ? " She sounds much better than the last time I had spoken to her . It actually seems to me like she 's in a pretty good mood . Is she on anti - depressants again ? I hope she is because I don 't see any other way for her to get better ; I would like to help her but I don 't know how to approach her . It 's like I 'm talking to a stranger , not my best friend . " Tomorrow at 4p . m . , the usual place . No excuses , we 're making plans for a New Years party . " This sounded a bit harsh . I manage to use the wrong words every time I talk to her . I 'm so nervous because I 'm trying to say the right thing , I 'm trying to show her that I 'm here and that I want to help . But it always comes out wrong . " Jen , I 'm really sorry but I won 't make it . I have tons of things on my to do list because we 're leaving on Thursday . We 've decided to spend the holidays in Seychelles . " That 's a good decision , I 'm really happy for her ; I would love to go somewhere warm too . Maybe some time off would be an opportunity to save my marriage . I don 't know if I want to save it though . Mark 's been cheating on me for quite some time now and he 's really bad at hiding it . " You didn 't say anything . I 'm surprised . Well it 's wonderful that you 're going over there , I 'm sure you 'll love it . It 's wonderful and warm . I have to admit that I 'm a bit disappointed though . I expected to spend the New Years Eve with you , just like for the last eight years . " I shouldn 't say I 'm disappointed although I am . I would like to talk to her and tell her about my problems ; tell her how lonely I am and how much I miss our endless conversations . But I 'm in no position to complain to her ; she 's in a much worse situation than I . " I 'm sorry . I 'm sure you won 't miss us and it 'll be a wonderful party . I have to go now I 'm meeting Tim and I just noticed how late I am . Bye . " It 'll be a wonderful party or at least we 'll pretend it is . Mark and I became very good at pretending and the others will try to avoid any awkwardness . Maybe I should also pack my things and go away for a while ; I would love to but I don 't have any money to do it . My business isn 't going so well . We would be flat broke if Mark wouldn 't earn so much . I could take money from our joint bank account ; if he 's cheating on me I can at least enjoy his money . Avtor My phone rings . It 's Jenny . I should go talk to her outside ; I don 't like to talk on the phone when I 'm in the bookshop because I hate it when people have their conversations while I 'm trying to buy some books . I reject the call and go outside ; I 'm sure she won 't mind I hung up on her . And maybe I could buy a book for her too . So many gifts to buy yet so little time . Its the 17th of December today and we 're leaving on the 23d , and I haven 't even done my Christmas shopping list yet . I really have to do the list today and the shopping tomorrow . " Hey Jen , what 's up ? " I 'm already outside and I call her back . I could ask her what she wants for her Christmas present . Or … that 's a great idea … I could buy presents in Seychelles . " Tomorrow at 4p . m . , the usual place . No excuses , we 're making plans for a new year party . " Of course , I forgot to tell Jenny about Seychelles . I hope she 'll take it better than my Mom did . She really hated the idea of me being away for the holiday season though I can 't see the reason why . " Jen , I 'm really sorry but I won 't make it . I have tons of things on my to do list because we 're leaving on Thursday . We 've decided to spend the holidays in Seychelles . " I 'm sure she 'll be disappointed but she 's not the control freak me or my Mom are , so it won 't completely destroy her plans . " You didn 't say anything . I 'm surprised . Well it 's wonderful that you 're going over there , I 'm sure you 'll love it . It 's wonderful and warm . I have to admit that I 'm a bit disappointed though . I expected to spend the New Years Eve with you , just like for the last eight years . " She really is disappointed but I can 't stay here just because she wants me to . I want to get away . That 's all I know right now . " I 'm sorry . I 'm sure you won 't miss us and it 'll be a wonderful party . I have to go now I 'm meeting Tim and I just noticed how late I am . Bye . " I hang up and hurry . We 're meeting at a restaurant two blocks away and then I have to go back to the bookshop and find that damn book . Luckily I saw Tim reading a review of some book on architecture a couple of days ago . He was quite excited about it and I have to find it . What else could I buy for him ? I really have no idea , he has everything . I come to the restaurant and I notice you in a second . I can 't miss your blonde hair and slim figure which stand out in the crowd . I hope didn 't wait for me for too long . But you know me , you know how easily distracted I am and how often I forget about the time . " I 'm sorry I 'm late again . " You hear this every time we 're meeting somewhere . You don 't seem upset ; in fact it seems to me that you 're in a very good mood . I hope you didn 't buy that book . You 're like a small child ; you get so happy and enthusiastic when you get a new book . Though children nowadays don 't get excited about books , it 's usually about computers and videogames . " I didn 't expect you to be here on the time . " You 're smiling and making jokes . What are you hiding ? I 'm sure you 're planning something I won 't like . The waiter comes and we order . " Phil is getting married . He proposed to Melinda yesterday . " Who is Phil ? Is he one of your co - workers ? I always forget the names of people you work with and that 's one thing you get upset about sometimes . I can 't help myself , I forget the names an " Phil is the one with the orange hair , right ? " I 'm very careful when asking this ; I really don 't want to upset you . You nod . Uh , that 's a relief . Luckily I 'm a good guesser . " I thought they met at the Christmas party last year . Did I mistake them with someone else ? " I 'm sure they 're the ones ; I remember this because they met at the Christmas party and by New Years they had already moved in together . I remember saying that they 'll last for a couple of months only . But it looks like I was wrong . " They seem happy together . What do you think about marriage ? " Are you joking ? Is this a proposal ? No , you 're probably just asking me what I think about their engagement . " I think it 's a bit quick , don 't you think ? They 've been together for less than a year . " Don 't you think it 's too early ? You 're a very reasonable person and usually you try to convince your friends not to do stupid things . " I was asking you what do you think about marriage not what do you think about them getting married . " You smile . " Are you proposing ? " Don 't say yes , please . I don 't want to say no to you , but I can 't say yes either . Something 's missing , I don 't feel complete . I know what 's missing . I go to the kitchen and boil the water . Meanwhile I fill the strainer with little brown bits . Two spoons are enough for the perfect taste . The water is boiled . I take my favourite blue cup from the shelf and put the strainer in . I pour the water into the cup . I wait for 8 minutes before I take the strainer out . Two spoons of brown sugar and a little bit of milk . Perfect . I sit down with my favourite Choco power tea and nothing is missing . I feel complete . Avtor " Well , let 's go to a restaurant and we 'll both have one . " I 'm always hungry and you don 't have to ask me twice if I want to eat . I 'm saying yes even before you 've finished asking me . " Why not ? It 's not an expensive restaurant , I don 't have enough money to go to a fancy restaurant either . " We 're both students and we can 't afford to eat in expensive fancy restaurants even though we would love to . She looked at me with an even sadder face and said : " No , it 's not that . I 'm on a diet . " Well that 's a whole different story … I have an opinion about diets and I would like to say that I was never on a diet in my life but I would lie . Even though I always said I would never go on a diet when I was watching my friends suffer because they were hungry and sad - just because they were on a freaking diet - I did try . And I also figured out that it 's really not my cup of tea . I 've always been very thin but when I was diagnosed with a coeliac disease and started my gluten - free diet ( it 's not that kind of diet , because I 'm not doing it voluntarily , I 'm not supposed to eat food which contains gluten ) I gained some weight . It 's not like I 'm fat , not at all , but I gained a belly because all the food I eat goes there . I really hate my belly ! With gaining weight I also found out that maybe slimming cure isn 't such a bad idea . I 've decided I would give it a shot . I 've read hundreds of forums and even a couple of books and decided that the 90 - day diet is the best . The result is amazing - a loss of 15 - 20 kilograms in 90 days , and it also cures high blood pressure and - which is the most important - you don 't have to give up any type of food . The first day is a protein - day , the second a starch - day , followed by a carbohydrate - day , and the last but not least is a fruit - day . You just have to separate the food , not give it up . Perfect ! So the next day my adventure started . With fruit . With this diet you have to eat fruit for breakfast which was the first thing I didn 't like about it . I don 't like eating fruit in the morning , I don 't feel good if I do . But I was prepared to sacrifice myself for a nice flat belly . I ate a banana and an apple . And then I figured out that you 're allowed to eat just one sort of fruit at a time . I managed to screw up at the very beginning , how encouraging , right ? I didn 't give it up because I knew that I would have meat for lunch . I love meat ! I spent my morning thinking about that steak waiting for me in the refrigerator . And when lunch time finally came I was the happiest person in the whole world . I grilled my steak and a bunch of vegetables . It was delicious and I can 't describe to you how much I enjoyed it . I also had the same menu for dinner . Just less food . I wasn 't so excided anymore . I don 't like to eat the same food twice in a day . I don 't even like to eat the same food for two days in a row ! I started thinking about this diet from a different angle and it didn 't seem so perfect anymore . But I thought " Hey , I can 't give up after only one day . " And I didn 't . I woke up the next morning and didn 't want to get out of the bed because I knew that a banana is waiting for me in the kitchen . And a coffee without sugar and milk . I love coffee with milk and lots of sugar . My only consolation was that I was having risotto for lunch . But instead of risotto with meat like usual it would be with vegetables . That 's not perfect but it 's much better than fruit for breakfast . So I spent another morning thinking about lunch . It was so lame that I 'm ashamed of myself . I 'm happy and proud that I make very tasty risotto so my lunch wasn 't so bad although it didn 't contain any meat . And yes - I 'm basically eating meat every day and I enjoy it very much ! In the afternoon I met my friend for a coffee . As usual I ordered coffee with lots of milk and I was very generous in adding sugar . Mistake ! I didn 't remember that I was on a diet and that I shouldn 't drink milk on a starch - day . And of course I didn 't remember that I 'm not allowed to consume sugar . But I did enjoy my coffee very much . Much more than my dinner which was , guess what … risotto . The same one I ate for lunch . I went to bed asking myself why am I doing this . I came to realize that I 'm the same as those girls I always pitied - I was on a diet , hungry and sad . This realization made me so angry that I went to the kitchen and made myself a huge sandwich with a little bread and lots of salami and even more cheese . This was my famous two day diet , and I couldn 't even get through these two . Don 't judge me . And those of you who are vegetarians - don 't judge me because I love meat . I don 't see a good reason why I would torture myself with a diet if I 'm already forced to have a strict gluten - free diet . I can 't eat a lot of things I would die for . And I would literally die if I ate them , so that 's why I don 't . I come to the door of our apartment and start to unlock it . I love the sound of the lock because I know that in a moment or two I 'll be in the safe shelter of my apartment where no one can hurt me . Your shoes are in the hallway so you 're obviously at home . I walk to the centre of our apartment which is a huge room - a combined living and dining room . The kitchen is separated by an oval kitchen bar . You 've obviously been cooking it smells lovely . There is festive cover on the kitchen table and candles . Are we celebrating something ? Did I forget about our anniversary or something ? I 'm sure I didn 't . Our anniversary is in May and your birthday in March . " Hey honey , what 's going on ? Did I miss something ? " I 'm a bit nervous . Is this an ambush ? Do you want to persuade me to go away for two months and leave my job ? You should know me better , I 'm not going to leave my job just because you think it 's a good idea . " No , I 've just wanted to surprise you with a nice romantic dinner . " This could definitively be an ambush . What do you want this time ? To move to another country ? Adopt a child ? Buy a dog ? I don 't like dogs . Or will you just continue where I stopped you the last time by leaving the restaurant . It was a couple of days ago and we haven 't talked about this since then . " Sit down , I 'll bring the food . Would you like a glass of wine ? " I would prefer a whole bottle . I 'll probably need it . " Yes please . " You bought my favourite wine , how nice of you . Do you want to get me drunk so that I would agree with you ? I make a sip of wine and I wish I could light a cigarette . You bring the dinner to the table . It 's baked salmon and baked potatoes with vegetables . " It smells wonderful . " It really does . It 's a nice surprise and the food is wonderful . I know that we should spend more quality time together but I don 't feel like it . I feel bad about it but I can 't help it . I should force myself to spend more time with you but you know me very well , you would know that I 'm fakin " I 've been thinking . " This is not a good sign . I 'm sure you 've been thinking and I 'm also sure I won 't like what you 've been thinking about . " I 'm really sorry that I said that you should leave your job . I know it 's important to you . " That 's an even bigger surprise . I don 't even know what to say . " I just want the best for you and I think that it 's not good for you if you work all the tame and don 't think about your problems . You won 't solve anything if you won 't confront the problems . " I knew it was too beautiful to be true . If you planned a nice romantic dinner you just failed . I don 't want another lecture from you . " I 've also been thinking about this . And I think it might be good for us and especially for me to go away for a while , but certainly not for two months . Maybe 2 weeks for Christmas ? " I 'm sure this will mean a lot to you . And some time away from everything would probably be good for me . If we weren 't here I wouldn 't have to deal with my Mom . I really don 't want to go to the family dinner this year . I should talk about this with my psychologist but I 'm sure she 'll think it 's a good idea to go away . " That would be great . " This salmon is really tasty , you 've done a great job . You 're a very good cook , if you weren 't such an amazing architect I would try to convince you to change your profession . " I would like to go someplace warm . What do you think about Seychelles ? " I 've always wanted to go there . Jenny and her husband went there for their honeymoon and she said it was perfect . The pictures were more than perfect . Cristal clear water , amazing hotels , hot weather in the middle of winter . What more could I want ? Another glass of this wine . Oh , you 've noticed and filled up my glass . You 're really nice and sweet . I don 't know why you 're still sticking with me . You could find a normal woman , who would give you what you want and need . But you 're here , dealing with all my problems . " I 'm in . We could go to the agency tomorrow and make reservations . After work at about 5p . m . ? " I thought I would work late tommorrow . But I can still go back to work when we arrange everything . " I 've also made dessert . Your favourite chocolate cake . " You really are a treasure . I adore chocolate cake . You go to the kitchen and slice the cake . I 'm sure I 'll get a huge slice . " You 're so sweet . Thank you for all this . " I really mean it . I don 't know how I would get through all this without you . " I love you Emma . You know this , right ? " I know . Avtor I love riding with a city bus . I already wrote about how it calms me down here . A couple of days ago I was on a city bus on my way to the university . It was what I would call an ordinary winter day . It was snowing a bit , not too much but just enough to make you wet if you didn 't have an umbrella . Drivers in cars were nervous as they always are when it 's snowing outside . It was a chaos on the streets , cars humping and changing lanes all the time just to get to their destination a little bit quicker . Slush on the pavements was the reason why the pedestrians were nervous . They wanted to get to a warm and dry place where it wasn 't snowing and the floor weren 't slippery . As I said - an ordinary winter day . The bus stopped at a station and I redirected my attention from the madness on the street to the people standing on the station , waiting for their bus to come . They all seemed nervous , most of them were without an umbrella so their hair and clothes were wet . They were impatiently staring at their watches and down the street to see if their bus was coming . Everyone seemed annoyed and cranky because the weather was awful and they all needed to be somewhere . At one moment I noticed a boy running to catch the bus . He tried to maneouvre through the crowd at the station with his bag bouncing on his shoulders . A bunch of high - school kids were standing on the sidewalk and one of the boys tripped him so this Lonely boy as I named him , almost fell to the floor . Somehow he managed to balance himself so he didn 't fall and he managed to catch the bus . He found a seat near me , and it was faced backwards so I was able to see his face . He was probably 17 or 18 years old . His dark brown hair was wet because of the snow and his cheeks were red because he was running for the bus . I saw sadness in his dark chocolate coloured eyes . He was nervously looking at the floor . When the bus moved from the station he looked out at those boys who tripped him but quickly turned his head away like he was afraid of them . He looked at me for a moment and seemed sad and ashamed so I smiled at him , hoping that it would comfort him a bit . But he probably thought I was laughing at him since he looked away in an instant . He wore dark blue jeans and they seemed very old . There was a big hole in them , where his ankle was and they were very ragged at the bottom . His brown shoes weren 't appropriate for this weather and his feet were probably wet . He wore a dark red winter jacket which was probably a couple of years old and at least one size too small for him . It was ripped where the pocket should be . He seemed intelligent but not very outgoing . I think he doesn 't have a lot of friends and he 's probably bullied in his class . I doubt he ever speaks out for himself because he seemed too shy to say anything . He probably just wants to fit in and doesn 't want to be even less popular . On the next station three girls came on the bus and he looked at them . His face changed , it became softer and I saw his eyes sparkle . One of the girls said hi to him and then all three of them started laughing . I assume they are class mates and he 's probably in love with the pretty blond one . He was looking at her with a mixture of passion and tenderness in his eyes . I don 't know if she didn 't notice or she just ignored it . She is probably the popular girl and it would inappropriate if she would like him . The bus was approaching the next station and he stood up . He looked to where the girls were and then he turned around and went to the door to wait for the bus to stop . He was nervously changing his feet and looked at the girls once again . They didn 't even notice him anymore , they were too busy talking about the shoes one of them saw the other day . The bus stopped and he pressed the button to open the door . He looked at me and nervously smiled , obviously he knew I wasn 't laughing at him . Then he stepped off the bus . I 'm on my way home from work and I wish I had stayed longer . It would be nice to come home and find you asleep so we wouldn 't have to talk . The phone rings . It 's my mom , the last person I want to talk to . " Hey mom . " " Hello Emma . I 've been calling you for two weeks now and you don 't answer . What 's going on ? " I 'm 32 years old and I have to answer to my mom ? She still thinks I 'm a little girl . " I 've been working a lot , sorry . " I know that 's not an excuse for her but she 'll have to deal with it . " You 're working too much . These people are taking advantage of you . Stand up for yourself . " " Mom , no one is taking advantage of me , I love my job ! " She wouldn 't understand how relaxing being at work for a whole day is for me . You don 't understand . You think I 'm avoiding you . " Do you eat enough ? " How typical . She thinks everything 's ok if I just eat enough . " Yes mom , I 'm not a little child anymore . " I 've been telling her that for the past 10 years but I 'll always be a child to her . Well I am her child and I always will be . " I 'm calling you to tell you that we 're having a Christmas dinner at our house this year . At 5p . m . " Did I miss something ? Today is the 2nd of December and she 's already making plans for Christmas dinner ? " Mom , Christmas is 3 weeks from now . Aren 't you a bit early with the plans ? " I wish I could vanish for a month and avoid this holiday madness . " I know Christmas is still far away but since you 're too busy to pick up your phone when I 'm calling I thought I should invite you as soon as possible . I don 't want you to make any other plans . " That 's a great idea . I should tell her we already have plans . I hope she 'll buy it . " Mom , we already have some plans so we 'll probably not be spending this Christmas with you guys . " I don 't know why we have a Christmas dinner every year , it 's not like we 're religious or something , it 's just a stupid family tradition . " That 's just not acceptable . You can 't break the tradition . " I should have expected this reaction . " Mom , I 'm an adult I can do whatever I want whenever I want . And why are we having these dinners anyway ? We 're not religious . " I don 't want to fight with her but I hate it when she tries to arrange my life . " It 's a tradition and traditions are important . " Not to me . Maybe I should accept your offer and go away for two months . " I don 't want to fight . We 'll see … " She hangs up . This really means a lot to her . More than I thought . Avtor 1 . Left behind 2 . The balcony 3 . The party 4 . The confrontation 5 . The poisonous steak 6 . Bad memories 7 . Jenny 8 . Mom 9 . What about Seychelles 10 . Christmas shopping 11 . The cheating bastard 12 . About happiness13 . Dilemma14 . The big decision Blogs I like to read |
We flew home that night very late . I was a little concerned because a huge snow storm had come in and we were nervous of them delaying our plane . We made it on and took off . The plane left on time . I had a knot in my stomach the whole way home . It 's like I knew the inevitable was coming . We were headed back home , back to our house , back to our life . A life that no longer would have Madeline present . A life that was not at all what I thought it would be . The distractions were gone . No more Disney magic . No more vacation . This was it , back to my real life , my new normal . I didn 't even know what that was . . . As the plane took off , I took a gulp . How would I be able to do this . I didn 't want to do this . I didn 't want to live a life without my girl . I didn 't want to go home and see all her things around the house , completely untouched , never used . It was like I was still in a dream and this whole thing never happened . I just didn 't want to face it . But , I had to . As we got closer to landing , the ride was bumpy . I remember not even being scared but just thinking to myself , if something were to happen , I 'm ready . I 'm ready to go see my Lord . I 'm ready to hold my girl . Now , don 't get me wrong , I 'm not saying this because I want to die . I don 't . I want to live and love life with my family and enjoy many years to come . It 's just been so fresh on my mind that we DO NOT KNOW when our last breath will be . We DO NOT KNOW if we have a tomorrow . ( James 4 : 14 ) I never imagined that my precious perfect girl would have left this world just 2 days after entering this world . How could I have ? Who would 've thought that ? So , what I mean was , if it was the Lord 's timing on that plane ride , it just was . I wasn 't scared . I know where I am going and I hope that each of you know too . It 's a hard thing to understand that we do have " an appointment with death " and to be completely honest I hate that thought . I miss Madeline so very much . I cry for her everyday of my life , but God wanted her and it was her time , as short of a time as she had , it just was . Now I know that and understand . As we walked off the plane , I was glad . We made it ! Through crying babies and little girl screaming " Daddy " the last 10 minutes of the flight , we made it . I 've never seen Rick so relieved to step off a plane and I was too . My cheeks were completely stained from crying and Rick was completely overwhelmed with the events leading up to our landing . Finally , almost home . We gathered our luggage , packed the car and started driving . Rick and his Dad talked of our trip and I sat in the back and watched Noah and Eli fall asleep . They were exhausted from a week of complete joy . I was so thrilled for them . Once we pulled in at home , Rick carried the boys to their beds and we headed for ours . It was around midnight at this time and we were exhausted . Rick had laid a pile of letters on the bed and we slowly started to read them . Card after card , we cried . At one point I told him maybe doing this before we went to sleep was a bad idea . He reminded me that these cards had not been sent to upset us and make us cry , Rather they were sent to us to let us know how much we were loved . He was right . We are loved . So very loved . We still are receiving letters , every day . I 'm so very thankful for that . So I reached down and picked a card up and began to open it . I couldn 't believe what I saw next . . . The card had a picture of Maddie Grace looking up at me . It was the one taken right after they placed her in my arms . Her eyes were bright with new life and she was looking right at me . Oh , I loved that moment . < 3 I have taken myself back there so many times . Heaven 's sounding sweeter all the time . Seems like lately it 's always on my mind . Someday I 'll leave this world behind , Heaven 's sounding sweeter all the time . I held the card in my hand and just wept . What a beautiful thought . What a beautiful card . I was so very thankful for Amy sending it , and so thankful that I knew . . . Rick held me that night and we both cried out to God thanking him that Maddie was home . She wasn 't in our home that we had prepared for her , but instead in her Heavenly home with the Lord . . . She was home . Whom have I in heaven but thee ? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee . My flesh and my heart faileth : but God is the strength of my heart , and my portion for ever . Psalm 73 : 25 - 26 The sun was shining and the sky was bright blue on this particular day . Rick and I had decided not to make any plans and just see where the day would take us . We had 2 more days in Florida before we returned home . I wanted to enjoy them , I wasn 't ready to go back home yet . To be honest , I didn 't know if I ever would be . . . I was tired and we decided instead of purchasing more Disney day passes to just rest and enjoy the resort . The weather had gotten up to 80 degrees and I was thrilled . I wanted to sit by the pool and enjoy some of that sun . So we packed up and headed out into the sunshine . There is something about the sunshine that just makes it hard to be in a bad mood . I put Eli 's floaties on him and sent him and Noah into the pool with Rick . I was watching them swim and laugh and giggle . It was like everything was perfect in their worlds . I watched Rick with them . How he played and threw them into the air . How he caught them as they came down the waterslide . They trusted him . He was their hero . I felt my mind wandering and I closed my eyes . I began thinking of Madeline . . . The moment she was born . The way that she had her eyes wide open and was looking right at me . I was holding her and she felt so wonderful in my arms . Then my mind moved to our " perfect day " in the hospital . January the 7th . I was holding her and watching the snow fall down . I felt completely at ease and had not a care in the world . I was enjoying being a mom again to a perfect little baby girl . I loved that moment . I began to cry as I thought of this . I think I take myself back to these brief moments so I can feel her again . Hold her again . Help fill the empty arms of mine that ache for her . I then opened my eyes . And I asked the Lord again for strength . I wanted to cry out and bawl like a baby . My heart was in complete pieces . I couldn 't . I couldn 't because there were people all around . I couldn 't because the boys were just a few feet from me . I just couldn 't . Then the Lord gave me something very , very special . There had been music playing at the pool since we had arrived . . . We were staying at the Port Orleans , french quarter resort . All the music was a Louisiana style of music and there were no words , just music . . . When I heard the song come on at first I thought , " Am I really hearing this ? " I called out to Rick and said " Do you hear this ? " He quieted the boys and he listened . Then he smiled at me . He knew . What a blessing . I cherished that moment . I felt like God was sitting right with me with His arms around me . The same arms that had been holding my little birdie since the moment she left mine . . . . I remember walking in and seeing the big Mickey hat . The boys were thrilled ! I had decided to walk that day and I was excited to have more mobility . I was not feeling the best but I pushed forward for my boys . We made our way over to pizza planet for lunch . It looked just like the one on the movie . The boys were so excited about this . I had to pretty much bribe them to eat because they were so excited about playing the games downstairs . Their enthusiasm encouraged me . It wasn 't but a few moments later that I began to really struggle . I had noticed a newborn baby a few tables down from ours . I tried not to look but It was very difficult not to . . . It was a little girl too , which made me want to look even more . The family had been eating lunch together and the Mom and Dad must have gone to the restroom for a minute . I saw who I think was the big sister sitting by the stroller . The baby had started to cry . She picked the baby up and was trying to hush her by giving her a bottle . The baby cried louder . She tried to bounce the baby , rock the baby . Do everything a mom would 've probably done . The only problem was this girl was only like 7 or 8 years old and wasn 't quite sure how to comfort her sister . I sat there and watched for a good 5 minutes or more . I couldn 't help but watch . In this moment I found myself getting upset and a little mad . I wanted to run over and calm that child . I wanted to hold her and help her stop crying . I couldn 't take the crying . It was killing me ! I thought , what was taking the mom so long ? Why did she just walk away from her new baby ? I couldn 't stand it ! Rick was starting to get upset too and as time went on I saw him getting agitated . Then it hit me . . . Disney World was going to be harder on me than I thought . I excused myself to the bathroom while Rick took the boys downstairs to play games . I sat in the bathroom and cried . I wanted Madeline and I needed her . I would have held her and soothed her and loved her with everything I had . I just cried . Not because that Mom had her baby . Not because I was mad at God . I never did get mad at God . I just wanted my daughter . I missed her . I wanted to hold her and help her stop crying . I wanted to bounce her and rock her and feed her . . . I just missed her , so very much . When I finally got my strength up and left the bathroom , the family was gone . I took a deep breath and when down to my boys . I wore a fake smile that day . I couldn 't help it . I felt like part of me was missing and it was . Maddie was missing . Her , and my happiness . At one point I asked if we could go to the Little Mermaid show . Rick gave me a puzzled look but he took my hand and said " yes . " I mean it 's not everyday you go to " The Little Mermaid " with your husband and two sons . Rick knew I needed something girlie and he told the boys that they were doing it for me . I remember watching the show and crying . It made everything much worse . " The Little Mermaid " was my favorite of the Disney movies growing up and I remember watching it over and over and over again as a little girl . My mind started to wonder and I thought of Maddie . I thought of how I wouldn 't know if she liked it too . It killed me . I started to cry again . It was a tough day . I remember walking out of the theater and thinking , How am I going to get through this ? Everything reminds me of her . Everything . I was weak . I asked God for strength in that moment and He did give it to me . I just needed to ask Him , that was all . He never left me . There was just moments I had to completely lean on Him and seek His face , this was one of those moments . We spent the the rest of our day among Mickey , Pooh , Handy Manny and the Little Einstein 's . I cheered up and made some amazing memories with my boys . I was hoping it would just continue to get a little easier each day . . . My nights were getting harder . I didn 't sleep at all anymore . I had cried all through the night and Rick just held me . He prayed with me . We had starting doing devotions every night with the boys and that helped so much . Then Rick would write and I would read a little . We finished the night by reading Psalms together and praying . During those moments I felt so close to God and to Rick . I loved it . When the lights would go out though , I struggled . I would try to pray myself to sleep and that didn 't always work . I would find myself in the bathroom just looking at Madeline 's picture and crying and crying . I was going through such a hard time . I remember just waiting and waiting for morning to come . I hated the nights . That morning we left early and headed to Animal Kingdom for a Character Breakfast . I remember feeling instantly cheered up . Who couldn 't while eating breakfast with Mickey , Minnie , Donald and Goofy ? = ) The day got easier and I enjoyed it with my boys . They loved the safari and all the rides . They loved the parades and the Finding Nemo show . I remember sometime during the Nemo show seeing a little girl in a wheelchair not to far from us . She had Down 's Syndrome . I remember watching her mom with her and how precious she was to her . And that even though she was a little more challenged than some of the other children in that room , she was loved so very much . . . It reminded me that everyone had trials and struggles . Everyone has something on their plate . I looked over at my two healthy boys . I couldn 't help but smile . I really was blessed , even during such a time of grieving , I was blessed . No one at that park knew what I was going through . No one knew that just days before I had given birth to and lost the most precious gift a Mom could imagine . That 's when it hit me . Everyone was there for the same reason . To try to soak up some of that Disney Magic in our own lives . To escape from the " real world " for just a little while . To leave our heartaches and heartbreaks outside the Disney gates and just live in the moment . So , I did . It had turned out to be an amazing day ! I kept my charm necklace open that day . I felt happy . I was enjoying the boys and our day , finally . It was like I wanted her to know . Although , I know she knew . She was in my heart . She 's never truly left me . The next morning we went to Epcot and it was a little hard . I had another rough night and was very tired . It was pouring rain and I considered maybe just calling it a day . The boys wouldn 't have it and so we ventured out into the rain , the pouring dreary rain . Rick and I both mentioned that the weather seemed to mimic our moods that day . We felt the same way on the inside . We stepped off the bus and at the gate I prayed as we walked through . I asked God to give me strength . He did . I knew eventually we wold go back home and face the real world and new lives but I need a little more distraction . I needed to breathe . At Disney World , no one has a bad day . No , seriously , I don 't know where they find their employee 's . They are way too happy they almost don 't seem real . Although in a way , I was thankful for that . On this day , I really got into it . Epcot is very " hands on " and the boys were really loving it . They loved the space and Nemo ride . They loved the Sorin ' ride . They loved everything . We walked through all the countries and I remember thinking I was distracted from everything else . I was just there in that ehand in hand with my amazing boys . We made it all way around the lake and through the countries . Rick and I loved Italy . It was romantic . We stopped and had the boys portraits made for both our parents . It turned out to be an amazing day . And as the fireworks went off that night and my husband leaned over and gave me a kiss , I thought . Okay , Natalie , one day at a time . You 've got this , one day at a time . The next day was Sunday , and I was glad . We were going to Church . A few of our wonderful friends that we went to Crown with had contacted us to see if we needed a ride to Church . I was so happy to see them . Michelle and I had been roommates in college and had stayed friends through the years . She came and picked us up and we headed to Church . The song service was amazing ! They sang the song " In Christ alone and I bawled like a baby . Such a true song . So good ! When I heard the verse " From life 's first cry to final breath , here in the power of Christ I stand " I lost it . What a song , but wow , it meant so much more to me now . I cried through the rest of the service . The Preacher did an amazing job and I just felt so close to the Lord . I was emotional but I was so thankful for the things I had heard that morning . We spent the rest of the day with the Schatz family and they treated us to lunch and invited us over for the day . We headed back to Church that night , what a blessing . I remember thinking throughout the day how lucky we were to have so many people who loved us . How lucky we were to have gone to Crown College and made so many lifelong friends . On Monday we headed back to Magic Kingdom . It was the boys favorite park out of all of them and mine too . I remember feeling close to Madeline at this park . I didn 't exactly know why but I was glad . Any little piece of her I could get , hold on to , I took it . We watched the show at the castle and I thought of her . As we rode the teacups and were spinning around and around , I thought of her . As we ate lunch outside at a little cafe where birds were hopping all about , I thought of her . She was there in the sunshine kissing my cheek , she was there . I remember thinking that day that I just wanted to soak up every moment with Rick , Noah and Elijah and make lots of memories . Memories that I could carry with me the rest of my life . I had told the boys before we left for our trip that it wasn 't just " a vacation . " It was a trip in Madeline 's memory . I called it the " Maddie 's memory trip . " The boys liked that . I tried to talk about her and make sure they knew we were there because of her . It was sweet . Anytime I hear my boys mention her name I can 't help but smile . I didn 't want them to forget her because she is still a part of our family , even though she is no longer with us . As we left the park that night I had a feeling that things were going to be okay . I don 't know exactly what it was , but I think it had something to do with that Disney magic . That and the grace the Lord and Madeline had been sending down to us every single day . . . The day after the funeral was tough . I didn 't know what day it was or what time it was . I felt like my life had become a continuous running clock . No rest . No break . Rick and I tried to keep our minds busy . We had decided that we were going to get away for a while . Even though I was still very much trying to recuperate from the delivery , I decided I had enough strength to go . I needed to go . Get away from it all . All I knew is that I couldn 't take any more of the house and our room and the memories . The ones we had . The ones that never would take place . I needed to go . I needed to get away with my boys and just breathe . So I could try not to cry so much and take a minute to laugh , to smile . It seemed so impossible to do but I didn 't want my children to constantly see their Mommy crying . I didn 't want to constantly hear them ask Why I was so sad . Rick had won an all expense paid vacation for the sales performance the previous year . We were planning to take the kids ( all three of them ) to Disney World this coming summer . Rick 's boss had mentioned maybe we could take the trip now and I am so very thankful for that . We headed out early that next morning . We planned to be gone for a week . That next morning , well more like the middle of the night , we packed up and headed out . The boys were over the moon excited . I tried to be excited with them . They needed it ! We boarded the plane and headed to Florida . I got sepparated from them on the 2nd flight but I was just one seat ahead . I told Rick that this would give me an opportunity to read . My sweet sister in law had gone and picked up for me the book " I will carry you " by Angie Smith . I was so ready to read it . I knew Angie 's story . I had been reading her blog for 2 years . I knew the story of their sweet daughter Audrey and had thought of this family and prayed for them many times . I remember thinking her faith and strength in the Lord was so amazing . I just knew I had to read her book . I couldn 't put it down and I had almost the whole thing read before we got to Florida . Wow , what a story . What a life . What a family . I hoped for strength like hers . I then put the book down . I remember looking over at the plane window and seeing the sun starting to come up . I remember it 's warmth . I remember how bright it was . I closed my eyes and let it warm my face and I prayed . I asked God to kiss my sweet girl for me and give her my love . I 'm so thankful for prayer . In that moment I felt so very close to Madeline . I remember feeling like she was there with me . We were flying though the clouds together . It was so amazing . I didn 't want to open my eyes . I was so close to my girl . I just sat there , eyes closed in peace . It was a special moment and I 'm thankful for it . I was then startled by pounding on the back of my seat . Don 't worry people , it was my own kid . = ) Elijah was getting restless and eager to get to Disney World . I was thankful for that sweet moment with Maddie but I was reminded that I still had 2 children here on this earth who needed me . They needed their mom . I was ready . I prayed God would give me such strength in the week ahead if for no one else , definitely for them . We landed and headed to our resort . It was so nice . I thought maybe we would get in and take a nap and start our Disney adventure the next day . Nope . You see , my boys think Disney World is the Castle . It 's quite funny actually . They think Disney World only consists of Magic Kingdom because that 's where the castle is . The castle they had seen at the beginning of so many movies and on t . v . I tried to explain it , but they didn 't really care . They just wanted to go . = ) This was not their first trip either . This was Noah 's 4th trip and Eli 's 3rd and they are 5 and 3 . Okay , okay . Yes , we are spoilers . I know . = ) We loaded up on the bus and headed to Magic Kingdom . My sweet husband got me a wheelchair because he knew I was still weak and not recovered enough to walk around Disney World all day . I was glad . I placed one boy on each knee and we headed in the park . The moment the boys saw the castle , they screamed with excitement " Disney World ! " How cute is that ? We headed toward the castle and over to Fantasyland . Oh what fun . I watched my boys laugh and giggle and I saw their eyes light up in excitement . I was so glad we came . So glad . As we waited outside of the restaurant for them to call our names we had a perfect view of the castle . I couldn 't help but think of Madeline . I couldn 't help but think how my sweet princess was there just last summer in my tummy . I was about 8 weeks along . One of the things that made me sad about this trip was that she wasn 't coming with us . But seeing the castle reminded me that she had . She was right there . All 5 of us were , just 7 months ago . I then told him that Baby Maddie was in a castle . " She is ? " he replied . I told him that I thought her mansion in heaven probably looked a lot like that . I told him about how she was happy and living there in heaven . It was a sweet moment between us . I 'm so glad he understands Heaven . We talked of Maddie for another moment and it had started getting dark . That 's when it happened . The entire castle lit up pink . PINK ! I smiled . . . I knew it was another little reminder from the Lord . And as I thought of her again I couldn 't help but feel her sweetness with us . I held my little locket in my hand , I had kept it open that day . The day finally broke and I knew it would be one of the hardest ones I had to face . This would be the day we would put our Maddie Grace to rest . In my heart and mind I knew she had been with Jesus ever since that Saturday morning when she left my arms . This was a comfort that I continually cling to because of my faith in God and His Word . This was just going through the motions , what is supposed to come next in this grieving process . This was her memorial . The day that we would remember our girl . As I tried to focus on the day ahead I was distracted . We were in the middle of a snow storm and I could hear a bird chirping outside my window . I thought I might have dreamed it but I hadn 't slept so this couldn 't be . God had let me hear that bird singing to help me that day . And it did . Wow , God is good . I spent the day in prayer . I was praying for strength . Praying for grace . Praying for my family and my boys . I was praying for what I would say at the funeral . How do I put into words the greatest loss of my existence ? I was unsure , confused and completely broken . I remember sitting at my computer desk and trying to write some things down . The boys were laughing and giggling in the house and being very noisy . I kept getting distracted with their happiness , but I knew they didn 't understand what I was going through ; that the other part of my heart and their sister was no longer with me . It was tough . I remember washing my hair and just bawling . I kept thinking how I would never wash hers , never put it in pigtails . I would never french braid it . How could this be ? It was something I had dreamed of for so long . . . I continued getting ready and I cried and cried . I think I put my makeup on 3 times before we even walked out the door . I wasn 't ready for this . I just wasn 't strong enough . I wore a black maternity dress . I couldn 't fit into any of my clothes yet . It hadn 't even been 5 days since her birth . I put on my pink earrings and my locket . I wore the same pink headband in my hair that I wore the day I had her . I wanted to honor her . = ) Then I took her pink headband and put it around my wrist . You see , I never found a bracelet and I thought that her headband would be the perfect thing to keep with me that day . I gathered up some pictures , her blankets , and her diaper bag . I just wanted to have some of her " things " there . I brought the little bird from her nursery and an angel that my cousin had given me . When I walked into my Church , I saw all the beautiful flowers . It smelled so good . I saw the offering table up front that was covered in a white runner . That 's where it will go . The casket . It wasn 't there yet , and to be honest , I was never ready to see it arrive . I placed Madeline 's " things " all around the Church among the flowers . I got out her baby book ( barely written in ) and her footprints . I laid out her newborn outfit and hat along with her blanket . It was hard . I kept messing with everything and moving it . I wanted it to be just right . People started coming in and I remember speaking to a few of them . I began talking to my wonderful photographer . The one who had taken my beautiful maternity pictures . = ) She 's the best . She was going to take some pictures for me that night . As I spoke with her I remember seeing the casket being brought in . It only took one person . It was so tiny . I know that Sweet Madeline was not in that box . I knew that . I knew that she was in the arms of Jesus in Heaven . I just couldn 't stand the thought that her sweet little body was there . The cheeks I kissed over and over . The hair I brushed . I hated it . I asked God to put good thoughts in my head of my sweet girl and he did . Just before the service as Rick and I were waiting in his Dad 's office , I was completely surprised . I hadn 't looked out to see who was there . If the building was empty or full . I didn 't know . I didn 't care . A huge snow storm had come in and I honestly didn 't know if anyone would be there . My Mom had come to tell me some out of town friends arrived and they wanted to see me . As the door swung open I was in shock ! I was completely surprised at who was coming through the door and the number of people being the door . The building was completely full . And some of my best friends had just arrived to be there for my husband and I . My sweet friend Lois gave me a locket that had a picture of my girl inside and the words , " I will always be in your heart , Maddie Grace " inside . Bethany had given me money to buy a tree to plant in her honor . So precious . I hugged them and cried on them . Then some more great friends walked in . I was astonished . I couldn 't believe they came so far . Just for us . My sweet friend Kelsey had made it in . I can 't tell you what a relief this was to me . She had been in contact with me since it happened and I knew how much she wanted to be there . She was . She came . I grabbed her so tight and we held each other . You see , Kelsey has a similar story . She lost her sweet little girl , Belle , about 7 years ago . Kelsey knew my pain . She got it . I could feel both of our hearts breaking all over again as we held each other . For it wasn 't that long ago that we were at her precious daughter 's funeral . It didn 't seem real or right to be going through this again . . . Her sweet husband , Tim , asked if he could pray before the service . And hand in hand Rick and I and some of our very best of friends prayed . It was precious . A few moments later , it was time . Everyone was waiting for us to begin the service . When Rick and I walked through that door I felt like everyone was staring at us . And they were . We took our seats and the service began . My sweet Father in Law and Preacher led us in prayer and the service began . At first I was a little distracted . Both my boys were in the auditorium and I really didn 't want either in there . I was later informed that they wouldn 't stay out and begged to be there . I was worried for them . I don 't remember everything about the funeral . I was so full of grief . I remember holding onto Rick and just crying . Rick spoke before me . He had written the most beautiful words to our little girl . He talked about the song he sang to her . He talked about her . He was weeping and I remember wanting to run up there to him and say this is all a mistake . We haven 't lost her . This isn 't real . It was . . . Then my Mom and Dad got up . Broken hearted , they stood up for their girl . My mom read a beautiful poem and I wept . They wept . Then Kelsey got up to read her sweet poem for Maddie Grace . I pictured myself back at Belle 's funeral . I pictured both of our girls . Oh how they were missed . Then I played the song " I will carry you " by Selah . A song that spoke volumes . A song written by a grieving Mommy and Daddy for the loss of their precious girl , Audrey Caroline . I don 't think there was a dry eye in the building . And then , it was my turn . I stood up and walked up to the pulpit . I was weak . I was physically and mentally sore , completely exhausted . But I stood , For Maddie . For the Lord . The moment I lifted my head and looked around , I was amazed . I scanned the tremendous crowd and I saw faces from every walk of my life . My childhood , my youth , and my young adulthood . Family , friends and Church members . I was in awe . I could see that every seat was filled and people were standing everywhere . I just want to take a moment to talk about my little girl . My sweet Maddie Grace . I won 't have the opportunity to talk about her at graduations or her wedding . You see I won 't have the opportunity to experience any of those moments . Although the 2 days of moments I did experience I want to share . I want to talk to you about my girl . Her gorgeous eyes and chubby cheeks . Her cute dimpled butt chin ( inherited from Mommy and Noah = ) and her gorgeous hair . I told them how I loved feeling it under my chin and on my cheek . I talked about her eyes and how alert she was . How she never took her eyes off of her Daddy and how I knew why . < 3 I talked about her loud cry and how she would 've for sure been a Cheerleader . I just talked about her . Her Beauty . I talked all about my pregnancy and how I loved every moment of it . I talked about how I knew her by her kicks and hiccups . I talked about how the day I found out I was pregnant , I gave this baby to God . She truly always was His . I told them about the text I received from Kelsey the day before about the little red robin that came onto her porch in the middle of the snow storm . How Kelsey told me that it was a peace that our girls were both happy and playing up in Heaven together . I talked about the bird chirping that morning . Maddie was my little bird . I thought the signs meant she would be a singer one day . I wish I could hear her now . Maddie 's wings took her back into the arms of Jesus . I 'm so thankful for that . I said " But how can I stand up here and tell you all about my precious gift of a daughter , and not tell you about the one and only perfect gift , God 's precious Son . " I didn 't even realize what I had said until later that evening . God gave me those words . He even shocked me . . . I am making this my life 's goal . To speak of Madeline and the Grace of God . It 's all I can do . After I spoke my amazing Pastor got up and preached such an amazing message about the Lord . I remember him saying at one point " The God that was good on Thursday was still good on Saturday ! " He gave such a strong message from the Word of God all while mourning the loss of his precious granddaughter . I 'm truly honored to have him as a Pastor . What a man of God . He was right though , The God of Thursday was just as good as the God of Saturday . So true , to God be the Glory . Amen . I didn 't sleep at all that night . How could I ? I cried out , all night long , I cried out . I cried out to God . I cried out in pain . I just cried . Rick didn 't sleep either and both of us were very sick . We were sick with a grief that we didn 't know existed . A feeling of pain that made it hard to breathe . It was another day now but to me it was like time had not even passed . I remember helping Rick make the bed as we both had heavy eyes and hearts . Our pillows were wet with tears from a night of pain . We just had to get up and face another day . Rick pushed back the curtain to let some light into our room . I saw that more snow had fallen through the night . That was when it happened . . . I saw a shadow go by the window . What was it ? Rick asked if I saw it and I replied " yes . " There was a little bird flying around outside our window , back in forth , back and forth . It was playing . In that moment , I felt such peace , such calmness . God had sent us a sign that He was with us . He had not forgotten us . He sent us a little birdie , a little Maddie birdie to remind us of our girl . To remind us that she was in heaven with the Lord . What a moment . And though it still hurt so much , I knew it would be okay . I didn 't know how really , but I knew God would get us through this . We went downstairs and saw the boys . They were eating donut 's and watching t . v . . . I sighed . They seemed to be in their normal routine and I was very thankful for that . I wondered if they had heard us crying the night before . They didn 't mention it . Our Church and family had been bringing meals in to us . Our fridge was full of wonderful heartfelt meals . It was like no one knew what to say so they just cooked . And even though we had no apetite , I was so thankful for the food . I remember my sweet Mother in Law ( and Pastors wife ) coming by to help us . She sat and held me while I cried like a baby . I know she was praying for me as she held me . She is one of the most amazing Women of God I have ever met . She is a prayer warrior . Rick always said it when he talked of his childhood . She would pray and pray . I didn 't want to be anywhere else in that moment but with her while she held me . She is my other Mom and I love her so very much . I was heartbroken for them too . We all lost her . There is something about a Daddy 's arms that just feels so safe . As my Dad held me , so many things went through my head . I thought about Rick and how he wasn 't going to get the opportunity to hold his girl like this when she was hurting . I thought about how much I wanted him to have this bond . There was nothing like it . I then thought about how wonderful these arms felt around me and that my Heavenly Father had his arms around me as well . He was holding me up . He was holding Rick up , and I was so thankful for that . The rest of the day is a complete blur . . . I know that the doorbell rang all day long . I talked with everyone , but I can 't really recal what I said . Everyone understood and just let me cry . Rick had to go that night to the funeral home and pick out the casket . I couldn 't go . He said it was the worst experience of his life . I was so glad that his dad and mine went with him . I didn 't ask the details , they were all over his face . The funeral had been set for January 11th at 6 : 30 pm . I couldn 't believe it . 1 / 11 / 11 was a day I had wrote and spoke over and over and over . It was Madeline 's due date . Now this day would have a complete different meaning to me . It would be the day of my daughters funeral . A day of such grief and pain . I wondered if I could even go . That night we didn 't sleep again and just like the night before , we cried out to God all night long . I knew that my nights would just get harder . I was like a child again , afraid of the dark . Afraid of the unknown . It was that night that I truly understood the meaning of God 's will . I guess to a degree I thought that I had my life figured out . I had it all planned . I will never again plan my life out . It is totally , completely and absolutely up to God . I surrendered to Him again . He was all I had . I watched the sun come up again . Another day , I thought . What do I do today ? Where do I go . I got up feeling pretty bad . I really was feeling the after pains of the delivery . I guess in all this I had forgotten that it had only been 3 going on 4 days since I had delivered . I was tired and sore . Since I had started nursing , now I had to deal with all the things that came with that . It was just another reminder . I had a baby , but I had no baby with me . I felt hopeless . Rick helped me through the day as we prayed and asked God 's continue strength and grace . I decided I needed to get out of the house for a little while . We went to pick up some pictures at Walgreens . They were the hospital pictures of Madeline . They were gorgeous . For some reason , these helped me . I guess I was seeing her in the way I wanted to remember her . She was beautiful and full of life . Simply gorgeous . I 'm so thankful for Bella Baby Photography and for these pictures . We met up with my parents and my Mom had given me the most precious gift . It was a gold locket with the picture of a Mom holding her baby on the front . I put it on even though it didn 't carry her picture yet . I loved it . I told Rick that we needed to go get the boys some outfits for the funeral . So , we went to Kohl 's and bought them new suits and ties . Rick had said he wanted to pick out something pink to wear and so he went to the mens department . I told him I would be in the jewelry department looking for a bracelet . I walked through that department over and over . I couldn 't find anything " good enough . " I noticed the lady who worked there watching me . I was trying to stay strong . She asked if she could help me find anything and I told her I wanted a pink bracelet . She looked and looked and we couldn 't find one . She asked if I wanted a necklace or earings instead and I started to tear up . I remembered the beautiful pink earings Rick gave me the day of Maddie 's birth . I remembered the locket my mom had just given me . I touched my ears and then my neck . I told her no , I already had some . Then she asked the question " Well what is the occasion you would like it for ? " My heart sank . I looked up at her , tears streaming down my face . " It is for my daughters funeral . " She looked at me in such dismay . And she stood there with me in the middle of Kohls , and cried . I couldn 't believe those words had come out of my mouth . I couldn 't belive I had to say it . I went on to explain to her that my not even 2 day old daughter had passed away and I wanted to honor her by wearing pink everywhere I could . She went on to explain to me that " she too " had lost a baby shortly after birth . We wept with each other knowing that we could feel each others pain . Then she told me that it will get easier , one day at a time . I had heard it before , but for some reason , hearing her say it helped . She knew . We went back home and tried to settle in for the night . We had many more visitors stop by . At one point our young adults were telling stories and making Rick and I laugh . I almost felt guilty . Although , I knew that they didn 't know what else to say or do . It helped . It really did . As everyone left , I knew the inevitable was approaching . Another night . Psalm 6 : 6 I am weary with my groaning ; all the night make I my bed to swim ; I water my couch with tears . ( I just noticed that this verse God gave me was 6 : 6 . My baby girl was born on the 6th at 6pm . Isn 't God amazing ! ) For it is in the nights that I hurt . I still do . Last night was one of the worst nights I 've had . I will share about that experience in a later post . But for now I just need to write . I need to read my Bible and pray and write . . . I wondered how I would get through the next day . Again , God put his arms around me and told me He would help me . After Rick and I left the hospital we wanted to get our boys . . . We wanted to hold them and love on them and never let go . As we drove to where they were , we were in shock . We were in a daze , still in a dream . Had this terrible tragedy really happened ? And had this really happened to us , to our lives ? It seemed so unreal . It still does . I don 't remember much else of what happened other than the fact that when we pulled up to get them at the house , I ran to them . I hadn 't thought about it but they had no idea of what was going on . They had spent the night with their grandma and the last they knew was that they were coming home in the morning to see us and see Maddie Grace . So , what was the first thing they asked when they saw us ? Where 's baby Maddie ? I thought I would hit the floor . I remember gasping for breath and grabbing them . This wasn 't fair . . . How do I tell my 5 and barely 3 year old that Baby Maddie had passed away . A sister that they had been looking so forward to for months . A sister that they had just held the day before . . . It just wasn 't fair . I don 't know how he did it , but Rick had enough strength to get the 3 of us into the bedroom so we could talk . The boys continued to ask the whole way there . " Where 's Baby Maddie ? " " Where is she ? " I thought I would die as I saw Noah 's eyes fill up with tears and as Rick said " We need to talk to you boys about Baby Maddie . " It was like Noah already knew . He was forcing back his tears as Rick explained that Baby Maddie had a hard time breathing and went to Heaven to be with Jesus . I looked into my boys faces and I was crushed . I couldn 't understand why ? Why our family ? We loved Madeline . We wanted Madeline . We needed Madeline . Elijah didn 't quite understand much of it but I remember him looking so sad . He knows what Heaven is though , and he did repeat back to us that she was there after having it explained to him . The four of us sat on the bed and we cried . Rick held me and we cried . Then I saw Rick do something that still amazes me to this day . . . He reached into his pocket and pulled out Madeline 's pacifier . The one that she had sucked on for the last day and a half . He handed it to Noah and told Noah that Baby Maddie wanted him to have something special . Then he said " Do you remember when Baby Maddie was getting her bath and she kept crying ? " Noah answered , " Yes " in a weak little voice . Then Rick replied , " Well , Baby Maddie loved that you calmed her down and made her stop crying . You soothed her , Noah . Just like this pacifier soothed her . She wants you to have it . " I watched as my precious son reached his tiny hand out and took the precious pacifier from his daddy . He held it tight in his hand and told us he would always keep it , always . After talking with the boys , they were taken out of the room . Rick and I held each other and sobbed . Our hearts were broken , for the loss of our daughter and for the heartbreak of our boys . . . After a little while I told Rick I wanted to take the boys home . To do what ? I wasn 't sure . I cried the whole way home and I 've never felt so weak . It was a feeling that I didn 't know I would still be feeling 2 1 / 2 weeks later , to the same degree . It 's like my heart has been removed . I saw her blanket laying on the bed . The bassinet was still right there , her hat was laying inside . I fell on the bed and wept . How was this happening ? This can 't be my life . I kept pitching myself , truly trying to wake up . I thought I would look over and see Maddie in her bassinet sleeping away . It was all a dream . It had to be . It wasn 't . Rick had to come in and pick me up off the floor . He wanted to take me from the room . Take me from the place that I had my last moment on earth with my little girl . I just couldn 't leave . I was a complete mess . We both were . I clung onto her blanket and put it to my face . I just held it . There was still a diaper on the night stand . Rick took it out . He made the bed and cleaned up the room . All the while I sat there , so empty , so broken . I knew it was how he coped and I understood . People had started arriving to the house . I was numb . Everyone wanted to know the same thing . What happened ? She was the picture of health . I wanted to know too . God wanted her . He just wanted her . This was what Rick and I kept telling each other . We didn 't know what else to do . I remember never getting mad . Just feeling like she had been taken from me , way , way too soon . Our friends and family just sat and listened to us talk and cry and they held us . They prayed for us . I don 't even remember much more of the day . I remember people telling me I needed to eat and sleep . I couldn 't do either . Rick and I went up to our room at one point to try to sleep . We couldn 't . We both had the events of the day so fresh on our mind . I kept picturing Maddie 's face in that moment of panic knowing something was wrong . What could I have changed ? What else could I have done ? Rick reassured me over and over , it wasn 't your fault . But I just felt like something had to be the blame . What was it ? It was one of those unexplained moments in life that you would die for an answer to . I layed there and he held me and we cried . I remembered holding her after they told me she was gone . Putting her face to mine and trying to cherish the last moments of her in my arms for there would be no more . I wasn 't going to watch her grow up . I wasn 't going to see her again , ever in this life . How could this be . . . I remember Rick praying and praying as we cried out . Praying for help and strength and comfort . Praying that God would help us . I 'm so thankful He was there . In the darkest moment of my life . . . He was still there holding Rick and I up . As the day came to an end and everyone was gone and the boys were asleep , I soon realized that my life would never be the same . A part of me had gone to Heaven . A part of me was no longer here anymore . There was a hole in my heart , there still is . How will I thought " How will I get through this night ? " January 25 , 2011 One thing that I 've always loved to do is write . When I was happy , I wrote . When I was sad , I wrote . I think I used it in place of expressing my feelings because I didn 't know where else to take them . About 12 years ago , I stopped writing . I wasn 't exactly sure why . Then I realized that I didn 't feel the need to have an outlet anymore , because I had found the one and only who knew my thoughts and feelings . I found the one and only who knew my heart before I put it on paper . I found the Lord ! As a 16 year old girl I was invited to Church and heard the Gospel preached in such a way that I knew I needed Him in my life ! I didn 't know I could just ask and be saved and have eternal life in Heaven with the Lord . I 'm so thankful He made it that easy . On that beautiful August day , the love of my life ( my boyfriend , now husband ) led me to the love of my life . . . . The Lord . I was forever changed and have never been the same since . I had a purpose in life never like before . I was now God 's child . I 'm so thankful for that . I wasn 't exactly sure what God had planned for me . I knew whatever it was , He would show the way . Rick ( my precious Rick ) and I got married in 2003 . We were attending Crown College at the time and entering our Junior year . We had been dating for about 4 years and were so ready to be married . We wanted to be together always . The one thing you have to understand about Rick and I is this . . . . We are both the babies . We are both very passionate about everything we do in life . So , both of these things reflect in our relationship always . We have basically grown up together . We have been through it all , so to speak . We have loved and we have lived . . . We are definitely soul mates . God just knew I needed him . And that I needed Him . Oh where would I be without Rick . . . . Okay , back to what I was saying ( I tend to ramble : ) We got married after two years of Bible college . Then continued on into our junior year . Being newlyweds , in another state and without family around , while attending college could definitely be tough at times . We definitely lived and loved and enjoyed it . We felt God had a great plan for us and we couldn 't wait to see where we would be taken . In December of 2004 , we were blessed with a special gift . I was expecting a son . Oh what a joy it was . I have a history of Endometriosis and was told I probably would never have children . So , after much treatment and a couple of surgeries , my OB Dr . Vick advised us to try for a baby . We were young and still attending School but I thought , well , why not . To my surprise , I found out I was expecting ! It was right around Thanksgiving . We really had a lot to be thankful for and by Christmas we had told our families . We told them over the phone because we couldn 't even wait to go home . = ) Sweet Noah Riley was born August the 19th of 2005 . He came three months after I graduated college . We had moved home and bought our first house . Rick was working full time in the Church and my world was . Well , pretty much perfect . We had a new life , a new baby , and a new beginning . I was so blessed . About a year and a half later , we had been encouraged by my new Dr . in Ohio , to try again if we were thinking of having another baby . We would have a sibling for Noah . I wasn 't really sure about this yet . Noah seemed so little still but we tried again for fear that the Endometriosis could cause problems in conceiving again . The Lord blessed us again . I thank the Lord for that . He blessed us with my sweet , sweet double portion . Elijah Braden was born on December 12th of 2007 . What a joy ! We had another baby to love and cherish , how wonderful . By this point I had decided my life 's purpose . The one that I had left up to God was for me to be a mother . I couldn 't think of a better occupation . So what if I didn 't get an income . So what if I didn 't have an amazing resume . I was a Mom . I was needed and there was no greater feeling to me . I went to school to teach . I teach these boys everyday . And most days , they teach me . So , my story is pretty sweet so far . Right ? Read on . . . . God had some other things in store for us . Life was wonderful . We were living and loving life . I mean , we had the occasional problems with finances , loses and everyday life . We felt we were right where we needed to be . We were right in the middle of God 's will which by the way is always the best place to be ! I thought our family had been complete at this time . Rick wasn 't really crazy about having more than 2 kids . Although , in my heart , I always wanted another baby . And I was hoping . . . It would be a girl . So guess what ? = ) I found out I was expecting again right before Christmas in 2009 . I took a test on Christmas eve and when we told our families and everyone said the same thing . . . . " Maybe this will be your girl ! " . . . I had hoped they were right ! Unfortunately I never got to find out . When I was 11 weeks I went in for a routine checkup and during an ultrasound was told that there was no heartbeat . I already knew , I 'd seen ultrasounds . I knew how big a baby that age should look and I knew I should be seeing that jumping bean move and that heartbeat fluttering . Rick was not with me at the time because I wasn 't supposed to have an ultrasound . I was alone . Or so I thought . God was with me , holding my hand through the whole thing . I remember leaving the hospital heartbroken . Once you 've experienced the joy of parenthood , you know how heartbreaking it is to suffer a miscarriage . It was like God was telling me He had something greater for me . And did he ever . . . After my D & C . I left the hospital feeling empty . If you 've ever had one , you know . It causes such pain , such loss and all you get to keep in return is a bill , a debt , nothing else . But I decided to start over , to use this trial in my life for God 's Glory . I remember posting on facebook that God was still good . And I 've used this experience in life over and over in my SS lessons and in my own testimony . I remember people saying to me I hope I can have that kind of strength and grace from God if I face something like this in my life . And honestly I thought . . . What can I go through that is harder than this ? I thought this was my huge heartache in life that I would always carry with me . I didn 't want to try again right away but I still wanted another baby . Even more now . . . Rick and I took a Caribbean Cruise that following month and it was wonderful . Even more wonderful that it was completely paid for due to his hard work and dedication to his job . He had started working another job shortly after Eli was born for an amazing company . He is still with them today and I can 't express to you how amazing of a job it is . They take such good care of him . We love it . After I returned from the Cruise it was Easter time and I remember telling Rick I felt like I was ready for another baby . He was very apprehensive . He had a hard time dealing with the miscarriage . I can 't blame him . It was awful . I waited a long time to tell everyone I was expecting again because of my late miscarriage prior to this pregnancy . I was about 11 weeks when we finally broke the news to most of our friends and family . There is something so fun about announcing a pregnancy . No mater how many you 've had ! And that was it ! Our new beginning . . . My pregnancy had been going amazing . I wasn 't sick or tired . I felt great ! I had talked my Dr . into doing and ultrasound earlier on and at 17 weeks . With a room and I mean a room full of people , my dream came true . We were having a GIRL ! ! ! A GIRL ! ! ! I 'm still so excited about this . Can you tell ? Rick and I were thrilled . I felt unbelievably lucky . I felt like I was going to have the perfect little family . And the boys were so happy to getting a little sister and I was so happy to be getting a little girl . . . The day I found out I was expecting this child I gave this baby to God . I usually dedicated them to God at their first Sunday at Church but not this time . She was His from the beginning . He gave her to me and I gave Her back to Him . I still wouldn 't have had it any other way . She was His . I prayed for her up until delivery . I prayed God would use her in a mighty way . I prayed for her . I loved her . I wanted her . So very much . I knew there was something special about her early on . I just had this peace . I had been praying throughout the pregnancy that God would show me that she would be okay . That she was safe . And let me tell you . Dr . appt after Dr . appt . God did just that . How ? You may think ? Well , he used the birds . My first appt . he brought to sight the most beautiful statue outside our hospital a little girl holding a bird up to heaven . I don 't know what it was about it but I knew . She would be okay . And yes , I said she . I didn 't tell many people but I knew she was a girl all along . On other appointments he sent little birds hopping in front of my car at stop signs . Flying above my car on the drive home . And even through a pair of earrings my mom had given me tucked in with a baby gift . It was so special . I never really gave a whole lot of thought to the birds until now . Every time I saw one . I smiled . Every time I heard them sing . . . I knew . She was going to be okay . Madeline Grace . That was going to be her name . Rick picked it and even though I had debated the spelling and other middle names . That was her beautiful name . I still love the way it sounds when I say it . My little Maddie Grace . I love her name . Preparing for Maddie was amazing . . . I shopped and I decorated . And shopped some more . = ) What ? A girl after 2 boys . You would 've too . = ) Rick and I prepared the most beautiful nursery that I have ever seen . I still love the room . All this while enjoying the kicks and hiccups that she blessed me with on a daily basis . I was so in tune to her . At one of my appointments my Dr . told me that her heartbeat was beating exactly in beat with mine . It was amazing . I enjoyed carrying her . Every day , I loved it . She made me smile . Even when she kicked so hard it hurt , it just reminded me that this little girl had a lot to say ! I knew she was going to do something amazing in life . And she did . This was the day my life was changed forever . This was the day I met my sweet Madeline Grace . She entered this world with a set of lungs . Man did she wail . And she had more hair than I 've ever seen on a baby . She was beautiful . First I asked if she really was a girl . . . she was . = ) Then I remember repeating over and over again . " Is she really ours Rick , is she really ours ? " Maybe that seems like a silly question to you , but she was almost too good to be true . She was beautiful and perfect in every way . Almost too perfect for this world . And she was tiny . So so tiny . After having 8 + lb boys that were both 22 inches in length . A 6 lb 12 oz girl who was 20 inches long , sure seemed tiny to me . By the way she was born 6 pm on 1 / 6 . She liked 6 's . She was also the 6th granddaughter on the Ross side . Cool huh ? Well it was official . She was here and we were in love , and so was everyone else . The moment they gave her to me I remember her looking right at me . Eyes wide open , and I know it sounds crazy but she smiled at me . She really smiled . I was her Mommy and she was my Maddie . Of course I placed a huge pink headband on her head and I just sat and held her . . . Everyone joked she was born with it . She might as well have been . She was snuggled up on my chest and I held her . Everyone was in and out of the room but honestly , I don 't remember much of it . I felt like her and I were alone in the room for a while . I just looked at her . Her face . Her hair . Her eyes that were focused directly on mine . The way she kept puckering her lips and smacking them together . Her chubby cheeks that were almost impossible to stop kissing over and over again . She was flushed with the sweetness of new life . She was alive . She was here in my arms moving and living and breathing . I will never forget that moment . ever . . . The boys came in to meet their new sister as I kept her warm under my gown . We took pictures of our new family . I was complete . Never in my life had I felt so complete . This was the moment I was waiting for . . . My Doctor had told me during the delivery to just look around and soak up the moment . I did . I remember everything so vividly . The look on every ones faces . What they said about her . Watching them hold her . Her first bath . Watching her hair get washed . Everything . I didn 't miss any of it . I was so present in that moment , thank God for that . She loved to have her hair brushed ( so my daughter : ) the nurse kept giggling because she was screaming through her whole bath until she started combing her hair . All that beautiful long hair . Rick got a chance to comb it too . I remember him telling me how she was just looking right at him . She couldn 't keep her eyes off of him . And I know why . She loved him with everything she was . And so do I . She started fussing again while they were getting her all clean . Noah taking on the big brother role decided to go to her and calm her down . As I watched his sweet Aunt hold him up to her and watching him speak to her , she stopped again . He soothed her and made her stop crying . This totally made sense to me because my whole pregnancy he talked to her and kissed her . Over and over again . He loved her , even in my belly . I did too . Once her bath was over she got to meet everyone . Her grandparents , and aunts and uncles . Friends and loved ones . She was lucky to be born into such a wonderful family . Everyone loved her so very much . I didn 't mind giving her up for a little while but I was definitely ready to have her all to myself . = ) So as our visitors left and Rick and I were moved into our postpartum room I was glad . We did it . We made it through the birth and now were a family again . I had the opportunity to feed her and just love on her . No interruptions . No distractions . Just us . Rick and I and our new little girl . We were so blessed and we talked about it over and over again . Our sweet Maddie Grace had already changed our lives ! That first night in hospital was great . We didn 't sleep much and I was tired but neither Rick or I minded that she was keeping us up . Even with the lights off and all room being quiet , I could see her little eyes peering right up at me . Still continuing to take it all in . I fed her and changed her and just sat and held her . The nurses didn 't bother us and we were just at peace . We laughed because they had asked us to track her diapers on a dry erase board . It seemed like every hour she had a dirty diaper . I had never seen anything like it in a newborn . She kept us busy . I loved every minute of it ! ! ! By morning , she was finally starting to get sleepy . Most likely because she had been up all night . = ) The pediatrician came in to look at her and said she was perfect . She passed her hearing test and got her first shot . She was perfect . Everyone kept saying it over and over . The nurses , the doctors and the pediatrician . Rick and I already knew that but it was sweet that everyone one else thought so too . Finally the nurses and doctors were done with their checkups and we had decided to try to get some rest . Even though it was morning now , we still hadn 't slept and so we shut the lights off and Madeline fell asleep . So did Rick . And I was almost there when all the sudden . . . ( knock , knock ) Someone was at the door . It was the hospital photographer . Rick gave me the look like " get rid of her " we were so exhausted , but I just thought , well we should let her take pics . I explained to her that we hadn 't slept yet and Maddie Grace was asleep but she was excited and informed me that newborn pictures are actually better when they are sleeping . So we went ahead . I combed her hair and put her in the sweetest newborn outfit . It was white with tiny pink roses and it had a blankie and hat to match . It was the only newborn outfit I brought . We never imagined that she would be so little . She was the perfect little poser . I watched as the photographer very carefully and gently moved her into little poses and snapped hundreds of pictures . She kept speaking to her in the softest voice and telling her she wished all the babies were as good as her . . . She went on and on about how beautiful she was and how she loved all her hair . I was proud . In that moment I thought , wow , my daughter has made me so proud already . It was special . She got to wear the adorable tutu I made her . It was so big on her , but we made it work . I 'm so happy she got to wear it . I was so thankful at that point that I was having these pictures done . And I 'm even more thankful now . After she left , we decided to get ready for the day and we knew our visitors would start arriving shortly . Maddie Grace slept through it all . . . It was now her bedtime . = ) Even though it was now day . She got held , and sang too . She was showered with gifts and visitors all day long and Rick and I loved showing her off . What a blessing she was . It had been snowing and it seemed like it was just the perfect day . I held her and fed her and watch the snow fall . I remember having an overwhelming feeling of God 's grace on my life . I just was so in love with life , with my husband , with my boys and with my daughter . Later that evening we wanted to go home . We had been at the hospital for 2 nights now because we had gone in the night before the induction so they could administer the cervadil . And still having had no sleep we wanted our house and our beds . They said it would be okay as long as we waited for the doctor and pediatrician to okay it . By now our visitors had started to leave and we began to pack up . Madeline had so much stuff already . We couldn 't even fit it all on the cart and Rick had to make two trips to the car . It was quite funny . Finally , it was time . I watched the nurse cut off her security device and we joked about how long her fingernails were . The poor thing kept scratching herself but her little mittens were too big and kept falling off . I watched as Rick put her little tiny self into the car seat and bundled her up . I got into the wheelchair and Rick placed her car seat on my lap . The nurse wheeled us down to the dismissal area and joked with Rick the whole way about the squeaky cart . I had her take a picture of us and got a little sad thinking this was the last time I would take a baby home from the hospital . We thought we were done having children . We loaded Madeline up and we were off . Headed home with our new baby girl . On the ride home I was a little worried . It had been snowing the last two days and the roads weren 't that great . Maddie must have loved the snow , it always snowed from the time she was born . I kept thinking what it would be like to have her home and was wondering what we would do the next day . Oh if I would have known . We brought her inside and of course like the last day I was snapping pictures like crazy . Rick was used to it . He loved it . My dad was there shoveling off our sidewalk and he came in to see his little Maddie . She started to cry as soon as Rick set her down and he ran back to her in an instant to get her out . It was so precious . She already had him wrapped around her little finger and I was loving it ! We were home . I talked with my dad for a few minutes before he left aRick and I took our little girl downstairs for a little while to wind down and I rocked her in my new recliner . A place where I planned rocking her for the next year . Holding her close to me . Loving on her . Then a short while later we headed for bed . I had a bassinet set up upstairs for her to be in while she was sleeping and a little changing area to change her diapers . I fed her and hoped to get some sleep . She was wide awake at this point and I began to think I was never going to sleep again . = ) Although , I didn 't care and Rick and I were enjoying her . At one point he took her and I could hear him singing to her and soothing her . I was trying to get a few minutes of sleep but I didn 't . I was enjoying listening to a precious moment between Maddie and Daddy . I had told him I wanted to wait until the next day to show her the room . I wanted it to be light out and I wanted to get pictures of her in there . Of course . = ) Rick snuck her in there and gave her a sneak peek anyway . I thought that was cute . And at one point in the night instead of sitting up in bed , I took her in her nursery to feed her . I got to rock her in her cute pink glider . What a moment . She still hadn 't slept and the sun was starting to come up . I knew soon , she would be ready for bed . I was too . But I 'm so thankful for that moment of watching the sunshine peek in on my daughters face . What love I felt in that moment . A little while later I got her to sleep finally . And what came next was something I will never forget . The most heartbreaking moment of my life . The moment that has changed me forever . I looked down and saw that she didn 't look quite right . I was holding her but her mouth was open . I touched her face and she didn 't move . My sweet girl wasn 't breathing . I yelled to Rick that something was wrong with Madeline . In an instant he laid her on the bed and started doing CPR . I took over on the floor as he called 911 . I just kept thinking what was wrong with her . What was wrong . I thought I was in a nightmare . After getting off the phone , Rick took over again . He thought he heard her take a breath . I could hear the sirens coming and I ran to open the door . The medics ran upstairs to our room and took Madeline from Rick . We were screaming and crying . We were in a complete state of shock . What was happening and why ? ? ? The police officers told us to put on our shoes and go . Go where ? I was so confused . They told us to go to the urgent care hospital because she was already on her way . I kept asking the same question over and over again . Is she gonna be okay ? Is she okay ? No one knew . No one could give me an answer . The drive there was awful . It seemed like an eternity . We were so sleep deprived , so confused . We just didn 't understand how in a moment , she wasn 't breathing . In a moment all this had happened . When we arrived at the hospital I didn 't know what to expect . We were crying and praying and begging God to let her be okay . They worked on her for a long time and we thought she is going to pull through . My pastor was there praying and we were watching as they tried to put life back into our little girl . But there was none . She was gone . My sweet girl was in the arms of Jesus . It was too short . It wasn 't enough time . I didn 't understand . We left the hospital that day empty . Completely empty . The kind of empty you know you can 't recover from . I remember my Dad and Rick carrying me to the car . I couldn 't walk . I couldn 't breathe . In that moment I knew my life had changed forever . I would never be the same . God had a different plan than I had . He took Madeline home . He wanted her more . And the truth of the matter is , She was His to take . I gave her to Him . She was His . . . I have poured out my heart here today . I have shared such intimate moments of my life that have made me who I am in this moment right now . I am weak but God is my strength . I am tired but God is giving me rest . I am nothing . He is everything . It is because of this moment in my life that I am writing this today . And I will be writing from this moment to come . I now have a story to tell . Madeline has a story to tell . This is why I 'm writing again , for my daughter . It is for her and the honor of her life . It is so God can get the glory for everything I do . It is because He gave me a gift . A gift of grace . My sweet Maddie 's name means " God 's gift . " She has been God 's gift of Grace on my life . Will you read along ? Will you pray ? Will you listen to me pour out my heart here so I can heal ? So I can show others what only God 's grace can do . That is why I am writing again . For my daughter . For my Lord . . . Hello there ! My name is Natalie and I am a wife , a mother and a daughter of Christ . My wonderful Husband Rick and I were married July 5 , 2003 . We went on to have four beautiful children . First we received our promise from the Lord , Noah Riley ( 2005 ) . Then God gave us our precious double portion , Elijah Braden ( 2007 ) . Third came God 's gift of " grace " to us , our sweet daughter Madeline Grace ( who is now back home with our Savior . ) And finally our precious " Rainbow of hope " Jonah Asher ( 2011 ) . This is our story of life after the loss of our little girl . This is our story of God 's grace and our hope in Him , as we pick up the pieces and trust in the Lord to help us through . He is leading us and blessing us with so much , and we are so grateful ! Please follow along with us as we do our best to honor our Lord , and the life of our sweet Maddie Grace . |
It was a cold and snowy night when I left school after basketball practice . I jogged home trying to keep warm . I enjoyed practice tonight ; maybe it was because I knew this would be my last time playing basketball for my school . I kept thinking about what I 'll do after I graduate this spring . I 've applied to several colleges , particularly those close to home . My grades are good so I didn 't think I 'd have any problems being admitted to the colleges that I had selected . " Mom , I 'm home . " I took off my snow covered jacket and shoes , leaving them in the laundry room . I knew tomorrow I 'd be up early shoveling out the driveway and the sidewalks . It was good to be home , mom was cooking dinner and the smells made my stomach rumble . I took my school bag to my room and began to do what little homework I had . I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible , leaving my evenings free to do what I wanted , whether it was watching TV or chatting with my friends . I heard my dad entering the house and I knew we 'd be eating in 15 minutes . I washed up and went downstairs to greet my father . As soon as he saw me he told me he wanted me to clear the snow from the driveway and sidewalks . He wasn 't an easy man to know and there was certainly no emotions shown . But that was my dad . After 17 years living with him , I expected no less . As we were sitting at the table I brought up the fact that my birthday will be here soon and I 'll be 18 . This discussion led to me going to college and what subjects I 'd be taking . My father insisted that I should go his church sponsored university and study to be a minister . We 've had this discussion before and I didn 't feel like getting into another argument . I decided to just tell them the secret I 've been keeping since I was 14 . " There will not be an abomination living in my house ! You have 15 minutes to get what you want and get out ! You are no longer my son and this is no longer your home ! " I immediately ran upstairs and took what clothes I could stuffed them in my sports duffle bag ; grabbed what money I had and my phone . I went downstairs , mom wasn 't there and he was standing at the door . I got my shoes , boots and coat and headed for the door . Dad open the door , " Give me your phone . I paid for it so I want it now ! " I gave him my phone and he slammed the door behind me . I heard the lock click and then I realized I was on my own . As I walked down the street , I tried to come up with some plan . I certainly couldn 't stay here any longer . As I was walking , I saw a bus coming , I ran to the stop and boarded . While I was sitting there I thought maybe I 'll have enough money to pay for a bus ticket to somewhere warm where I could get a job . When we got to the bus terminal , I went to the ticket window to see where the buses were going and the various fares . I realized I didn 't have enough money to get me to Florida , but I bought a ticket as far south as I could . I pocketed 10 dollars for snacks . I had no idea what I 'd do when I got to the end of the bus ride . I closed my eyes , I was tired and emotionally a wreck . I never thought my dad would throw me out of the house . It made me question if he really ever loved me . How could you throw your son away like a bag of garbage ? As these thoughts ran through my mind , my eyes were on the verge of tears . I always went to church and I believed in a loving God , one not to feel hate toward His creations . I did the only thing I could think of on that bus ride , I prayed that He would send someone to look after me . As I prayed I thought of how my life was changing . I 'm alone now and responsible for myself . At the next bus terminal additional passengers got on , a young man who had just got on sat in the seat next to me . As the bus pulled out of the terminal , he began to talk . His voice was masculine and I 'd bet if he sang he would be a baritone . I remember in school when I 'd sing in the choir ; I always like a baritone voice . He said his name was Paul and he was going home for the holidays . I told him my name and said I was just going on an adventure . As we talked , I found out he was a sophomore in college and was studying to be a chemist like his father . He asked if I was in college and I told him no , I was still in high school . We continued to chat about various subjects , more or less , just to pass the time . During these discussions I let slip the fact that I was gay and eventually he realized what type of adventure I was on . I knew there was no way I could tell him that I have no place and was planning on hitchhiking further south . But I guess my hesitancy must have told him that I had no place to stay . I think he began to put the pieces of the puzzle together . I knew I had enough money left over from the $ 10 to buy myself a cup of coffee , so I agreed . Once we departed the bus terminal , he led me to a coffee shop across the street . " This is one of my favorite coffee shops when I 'm in town . " As we entered , the aroma of fresh ground coffee hit you immediately . As I looked around , there was a coffee roaster , roasting coffee beans . I knew that coffee beans were roasted but it was fascinating to see it done . The aroma emitting from the roaster made you want to have a cup of coffee . She left us to get our coffee . Paul looked at me , " Do you want a roll or doughnut with your coffee . They make a stuffed roll here that I guarantee you have never tasted anything so good . " Marie brought our coffees and the largest rolls I had ever seen . The aroma of the coffee and roll made me realize that except for the little dinner I had at home , and a few snacks , I was hungry . Paul cut his roll in half , " Could you eat this other half ? I had a big dinner before I left and this is just too much for me . " Without me saying anything , he put the half on my plate . In a few minutes a woman in a chef 's apron came out of the kitchen and said something to Marie . She pointed to our table . The woman turned and when she saw Paul , her face lit up in a big smile . She hurried to our table as Paul stood up . Paul gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek . When Paul released her from his hug , she noticed me sitting at the table . Paul said some more to his mother as he gave her a hug . " I 'll see you at home , Mom . I also asked Tim to stay with us for a while . Is that ok ? " " Of course it 's ok . It 'll be nice to have two handsome men at home , particularly after you both shovel the snow from the drive way and the walks . " She walked back to the kitchen chuckling . " Nonsense ; it 'll be good to have someone around to help me shovel the snow . Anyway , we haven 't finished our talk and I think you really don 't have a place to spend the night . Come home with me and tomorrow if you want to leave , then I 'll bring you back to the terminal or where you want to go . " As we left the coffee shop , we began to walk into the town . It was a small town and very quaint looking . Homes with large front porches lined the streets , a mid - America town . I expected to see a town square and sure enough as we turned the corner , there was the town square with a band stand . I followed Paul as he turned onto a snowy sidewalk leading to a two story home with a large front porch . The sidewalk and driveway were covered with snow . Paul looked at me and smiled . He stooped over as if he dropped something and the next thing I saw was a snow ball heading my way . Of course I had to reciprocate , and a snow ball battle ensued . I shivered a little and Paul caught it . " Come on let 's go inside and get warm . " I followed Paul into a laundry room where he took off his coat and shoes . " You can hang your coat here and put your shoes on the rack next to mine . With all the snow you threw at me , my shoes are wet and my coat is now white . " Of course mine were in the same condition . Walking into the kitchen , the home was warm and inviting . There was something here that was different from my home . I couldn 't put my finger on it but I felt relaxed here and not tense as I did at my home . It didn 't take us long to clear the driveway . While we were out there , the next door neighbor came out onto her porch and yelled a hello to Paul . " Hello , Mrs . Cranston . How are you ? " It didn 't take us long to clear the driveway and walks . Paul nodded his head toward his neighbor and I shook my head yes . Again with two people shoveling snow , we were finishing up as Paul 's mother came home . " Paul , come and help unload the car . " Following the same routine as when we first arrived , wet clothes were hung in the wet room . Our socks and pants were wet as well , " take you socks off and pants . I 'll bring down a pair of shorts you can wear if you don 't have anything in your bag . " I took out a dry pair of jeans and put them on . Going into the kitchen , Paul began to put the groceries away while his mom started dinner . I asked if I could help but she said no just talk to her . I really didn 't know what to say . " That isn 't a problem . Any friend of Paul 's is always welcome here . Wait till his friends find out he 's home . You 'll be surprised how many will end up staying over . " I followed Paul upstairs . He showed me his room . There were trophies for a variety of sports , baseball , soccer , basketball and football . I remarked that he had a lot of trophies , " You must have been very active in your schools sports programs . " " Yes , I enjoyed playing the various sports . You make a lot of friends that way beside being good exercise both physically and mentally . Do you play any sports ? " " Yes , pretty much the same as you but not soccer . Our school did not have a soccer team but they had a swimming team instead . I think of all the sports I played , I liked swimming the best . " I followed him across the hall to the guest room . He then showed me where the bathroom was located . I put my bag in the guest room and followed Paul to the living room . He turned on TV and we watched a sport program that was showing the highlights of the various games for the week . Paul went into the kitchen to help his mom while I stayed and watched the game highlights . My eyes saw the TV but my mind was focused on what tomorrow was going to bring . As I thought about it , I began to cry softly . I didn 't know that Paul had returned and saw me sobbing . " What 's wrong Tim ? " " Nothing , I think I got something in my eye . " This was a lie but I couldn 't tell Paul why I was crying . He might get mad and ask me to leave . I had no place to go and I wasn 't sure what I 'd do . " I can 't . You have been nice to me and if I tell you , you 'll hate me and ask me to leave . If I can stay the night , I 'll leave in the morning . " What I didn 't know when I told this to Paul , his mother was at the doorway listening . When I looked up I saw her and I started to really cry . I was so afraid that she was going to react as my parents and ask me to leave . I got up and went and got my bag . As I came down the stairs , Paul asked me what I was doing . " No . You 're not going anywhere tonight . It 's cold outside and you 'd freeze to death . Now sit down and tell me what 's going on with you . " Paul sat down on the sofa and indicated that I should sit next to him . His mother came in with two cups of hot chocolate and a coffee . She sat down on the sofa next to me . Putting an arm around my shoulders , " Tim , whatever happened we 'll try and work something out for you . We 're not bad people , we 'll help you all that we can . Trust us , tell us your story . " I figured I had nothing to lose , so I told them the full story . Nothing but silenced followed , I knew I 'll be asked to leave . Then I felt two sets of arms around my shoulders . For an instance I was confused and then it dawned on me , they weren 't going to ask me to leave . Paul 's mother turned my face towards hers . Her eyes were misty and looked like she was ready to cry . " Tim , you need to understand something . Paul 's dad left us when Paul told him that he was gay . I could never do that to Paul . I love him as he is . I 'm proud to be his mother and as long as I 'm alive , I 'll love him . I 'm sorry your parents behaved the way they did . You can stay here as long as you want . Provided you finish school and keep the driveway clear of snow . " I looked deep into her eyes and saw compassion and truth . I couldn 't believe my luck . I silently said a prayer to God thanking him for delivering me to these people . I couldn 't say anything at the moment . I just hugged Paul 's mother and sobbing said thank you . After dinner , as I was lying in bed rethinking everything that happened , Paul knocked on my door and came into the room . He sat on the edge of the bed . " I want to talk about what you told us tonight . I know it must have been very traumatic for you to relive your parent 's reaction . I 'm here for you . I know what you 're feeling as a gay man and I can help you to realize that we 're as we are meant to be . We 're born this way , it isn 't a disease . If you have any questions or thoughts you want to discuss , come to me . I probably have gone through some of what you 're thinking or questioning ; I 'm here for you . " " Thank you Paul . I really appreciate what you and your mom are doing for me . I 'm sad that a stranger 's family has shown more concern than my own family . I 'll never fully understand where all that hate could come from someone who believes in a loving God . " " Sleep well Tim . We can talk more tomorrow after a good night 's sleep . Remember we 've snow to shovel tomorrow . " Chuckling Paul left the room . In the morning , after I had showered and dressed , I went into the kitchen to see if I could help prepare breakfast . Paul 's mom was already there with a cup of coffee in her hand . " Would you like a cup of coffee , Tim ? " " Could you prepare Paul and your breakfast ? I have to get to the shop to open . After the snow is cleared , ask Paul to bring you to the shop for lunch . We can talk then about your future . " Smiling , she put the cup into the sink and left for the shop . I was wondering what to make for breakfast . I checked the refrigerator , there were eggs , sausage and cheese . I thought an omelet in a wrap would be good ; it was a favorite of mine . I began to make biscuit dough as I thought about what 's going to happen next . I need to finish school and I hoped I could attend college even if it 's a local community college . While rolling out the biscuit dough , I turned on the oven and set the temperature to 350 . I cut the dough into circles and pressed them into muffin pans . While the dough rested , I made scrambled eggs and fried the sausage . When the eggs and sausage were done , I filled the dough lined muffin tins with a mixture of egg and sausage topping them off with cheese . Into the hot oven for 20 minutes and breakfast would be done . I washed the dishes and pans , dried them and put them away . I sat at the table with another cup of coffee with my head in my hands . I had so many thoughts and questions , my head began to hurt . I took the breakfast muffins out of the oven and set them on the table . I got two plates while Paul got the silver ware . " Do you want some orange juice ? " I watched Paul 's face as he began to eat the one muffin he put on his plate . It was like , I 'll try one and if I don 't like it I don 't have to eat more . Well it didn 't happen like that . As soon as he took the first bite , I chuckled to see his face light up with a surprise look . " These are good . I never tasted a combo like this . The flavors melt together . You did a great job . Keep cooking like this and I 'll make sure you never leave . " I was glad he enjoyed my cooking . I just smiled and quietly told him I was glad he liked them . I told him what his mother said about clearing the snow and then coming to the shop for lunch . Between snowball fights , making snowmen , yes we had to make several . Paul said we needed to make a family of three . I thought he was referring to his mom , dad and himself . I realized the third was for me when he asked if I had a cap that he could use . I noticed Mrs . Cranston watching us out of her window . When Paul and I headed to her place and started to clear the snow , she came out on the porch and asked us if we wanted some hot chocolate . By this time we were cold and wet from the snow ball fight , Paul quickly said it would be great as soon as we finished shoveling the snow . When we finished in front , I followed Paul around back of her house . We cleared a path from her back porch to her garage . Unlike Paul 's house , her garage was detached and she would need a path cleared if she was going to get to her car . We sat on the back porch drinking our hot chocolate and eating a few sugar cookies . Paul told Mrs . Cranston that I would be living with them and I 'd take care of the snow after he went back to college . Nothing more was added and nothing more was said . By the time we finished , changed out of the wet clothes and showered again , we decided to walk to the shop . On the way Paul saw a few of his friends ; he waved to them and kept on walking . When we got to the shop , Marie gave Paul a hug and she went to get two cups of coffee . Paul asked her if she would tell his mom we were there . When Paul 's mom came out to greet us , Paul handed her a paper bag and whispered something in her ear . She opened the bag and took out one of the muffins . I looked at Paul and he had a big grin on his face . " I didn 't see you do that . " She thanked Paul and me , leaving us to our coffee . I thought what if she doesn 't like it , will she be angry that I used her food to make something that she thought wasn 't good . I really didn 't need to worry . About 5 minutes later , she came out of the kitchen with a big grin . I got a hug and a kiss on my cheek . " It was delicious . In fact I think we 'll put that on the menu for breakfast . It 's convenient for the business people who are always in a hurry . Tim , I 'll pay you to make them for the shop . " I couldn 't believe what I was hearing , a place to stay and a job as well . Tears started to pool in my eyes . Paul noticed and looked at his mom . She patted me on the back , with a smile and a nod of her head , went back to the kitchen . " Paul , I don 't know what to say . I thank God that you got on that bus and sat next to me . I prayed that He would look out for me . I think you and your mom was His answer . How can I ever thank you ? " From that day on , my life began to look up again . I enrolled in the high school that Paul went to and joined all of the sport teams . I applied to the community college and was accepted . Working at the shop , provided enough money to pay the tuition . I thanked God every day for bringing Paul and his mother into my life . Oh , I started to call Paul 's mother Mom as well . Even though she didn 't give birth to me , her love was more than enough . Paul and I stayed in touch while he was away . He continued his schooling till he obtained his doctorate degree in chemistry . He now teaches at a small university not too far away from home so he is able to come home for long week - ends and vacations . I completed my studies at the community college and through an on line course , finished my bachelor 's degree in business . Paul 's mom wanted to take it easy so I began to manage the shop . It was over Christmas vacation that Paul announced that he had found the love of his life . The week - end between Christmas and New Years , Paul introduced Greg to the family . He was a nice guy , quiet but extremely warm . I had a good feeling that this relationship was going to last . Paul and Greg were together for 5 years when , what was to be , the love of my life walked into the shop . Marie was still working in the shop and she came into the kitchen and told me that there was a man who wanted to talk to the owner . Of course I wasn 't the owner , but as the manager I assumed that I could handle whatever this gentleman wanted to talk about . I put my apron aside and went with Marie to see this guy . When I looked into his eyes as we shook hands , my heart did a flip flop . From the expression on his face I 'd bet his did as well . I took him to a table and asked Marie to bring us coffee . He introduced himself as Brad Worthington and said he was a general manager of a chain of coffee cafes . He had been looking for a supply of exclusive coffee . He had heard about our shop and wanted to sign us up as an exclusive supplier of coffee to his chain of cafes . He said if I was interested he would draw up the papers for my review and we could meet over dinner to discuss . I thought that might be a good idea and said to go ahead with the contract . " I 'll review it and we can have dinner Saturday night if you can have the paper ready by Thursday . " He just smiled , opening his briefcase he took out a contract . " I 'm always prepared . If you have any comments get back to me as soon as possible and maybe Saturday could be a celebratory dinner instead of boring contract talk . " That evening all I could think of was Brad . When I got home , I sat down with Mom and told her what happened . She took the contract and looked it over . " I 'll let John , my attorney look at this but on first read it looks ok . I think we need to tie up our coffee bean supplier in a similar agreement . He 's a small farmer and we currently buy his whole crop each year . If this takes off , I may ask him to expand . Probably have to make an investment in doing that but on the plus side we could get into the coffee bean supply business . When did you say your dinner engagement is scheduled ? " " Well that might be too soon . There 's a lot of legal work and I need to talk to Mr . Garcia about expanding . Do you think that 'd be a problem if it 's delayed a few weeks ? " I called Paul that night and told him I just might have found Mr . Right . Of course that led to a full disclosure on what happened and why did I feel that way . After about 30 minutes of chatting , he said good luck and we said good bye . The next day at the shop over coffee , I told Brad what Mom had said . He had no problem with the two week delay . " Are we still on for dinner Saturday night ? " " I 'd like that . In fact I 'd like us to get to know each other a little bit better . After all if we 're going to be business partners , we should know something about each other . And what a better way than dinner and spending some time together . " So for the next two weeks , Brad and I spent every evening together . I introduced him to Mom and received her wink of approval . The time seemed to go so quickly . Mom was busy with Mr . Garcia and the attorneys . At the end of the two week time , we signed a conditional agreement leaving certain clauses open for discussions . Brad was happy with that and we gave him a pound of coffee to take back to his home office . Negotiations with Mr . Garcia were finalized . We had to buy into his business with an understanding that he would expand his grove . We got 30 percent ownership with exclusivity for the coffee crop . Mr . Garcia was happy , Mom was happy and I was delighted . The remaining issue was the price of the coffee we would supply to Brad 's organization . Reviewing the quantity he requested , we would have to install a second roaster , this would take some time . I informed Brad , in one of our nightly conversations that we need to meet to finalize the contract and to review our supply commitment . The following week , Brad arrived and stayed at Mom 's occupying the spare bedroom . I had moved into Paul 's bedroom , adding my trophies to his . Mom said it looked like a trophy store but deep down she was proud of the sport accomplishments of her boys . It took a day to review the contract , the supply issue and the price of the roasted beans . Explaining that we would need to install a second roaster , we would be limited on our initial supply . Brad said that the coffee we sent was a big hit in the office and he didn 't see this as an issue . I laughed when I saw Brad 's face go white . " I 'm kidding Brad . The price we mentioned is what we want . We are not greedy but we want to be fair to you and to ourselves . We understand that our coffee is a premium roast . That is what we are all about , premium . " When I said that I winked at him and he blushed . Mom started to laugh and went to get us cups of coffee . " But make no mistake , we aren 't selling the business ; at least not now . " After all of the papers were signed , copies distributed , Brad took us to dinner at a very nice restaurant . It was a pleasant evening . But now it was about friendships , business was over . We relaxed until Mom started questioning Brad about his intentions were toward me . I couldn 't help laugh . I already had told Mom that I was in love with him and I 'd like to spend my life with him . Brad wasn 't sure how to answer her . He looked at me , I smiled and shook my head yes indicating to go on and tell her . Blushing , " I love Tim very much . I 'd like for him to become my life partner if he would agree . " Mom smiled , I smiled while shaking my head yes . Brad then reached into his pocket and took out a small ring box . " I was going to do this when we were alone tonight , but since I was asked rather directly what my intentions were , will you be my life partner . " Brad opened the small box and there were two golden rings , he took one and slid it on my finger as I took the other and slid it on his . Mom had tears in her eyes and hugged us both . I looked at Brad as he blushed ; I knew my face was just as red . " Not till the commitment ceremony . After all , my mother told me to be a good boy . " Mom smiled and playfully slapped me on the head . Of course I had to tell Paul right away . I quietly sent a message to him telling that he and Greg were invited to my commitment ceremony . I 'll let him know the date as soon as possible . I think it took less than a minute when my phone rang . I saw it was from Paul . " Mom , this is Paul . Do you want to talk to him ? " Mom took the phone , " Hello Paul . How are you and Greg ? Yes , how did you find out so quickly ? Brad just asked him 2 minutes ago . He did . Mom looked at me and whispered , ' you are sneaky ' . Yes Paul I 'll make sure he gets your message . Oh that would be great . This week - end is perfect . " She handed the phone to me and I just listened for the next five minutes . Paul and Greg were very happy for me and insisted that we have dinner this week - end . He said he has to give Brad his blessing before any commitment ceremony is to take place . I chuckled , saying good - bye , we hung up . And so with Paul 's blessing and Greg 's concurrence , Brad and I had our commitment ceremony . I had come a long way from the boy who was rejected by his family . I found a loving family and more important , I found the love of my life . God has really blessed me . Authors deserve your feedback . It 's the only payment they get . If you go to the top of the page you will find the author 's name . Click that and you can email the author easily . Please take a few moments , if you liked the story , to say so . [ For those who use webmail , or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead : Please right click the author 's name . A menu will open in which you can copy the email address to paste into your webmail system ( Hotmail , Gmail , Yahoo etc ) . 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Deke didn 't know what time it was . He only knew was early afternoon ; on a fall day in 1195 . He stood atop the hill where he had often come to think , over the years . It was said to be haunted . Down below , the annual harvest festival was going on . He had wanted no part in it . He 'd passed through it earlier , and people had turned to look at him ; a tall man with shoulder length light blond hair , limping badly . In his arms he 'd been carrying a toddler , female with dark hair and eyes . Everyone knew it wasn 't his child . Where was he taking her ? He couldn 't care less . Also , some girls turned around and gave him glances . He didn 't notice that either . The toddler twisted in his arms . He didn 't dare put her down . He stood there reminiscing . He 'd been born the youngest child to fiftyish serf parents . A miracle baby . His brothers and sisters were far older . When he was ten , his parents , unable to support him sent him to live with the most wealthy serf of the village , who did carpentry work for the Lord . His hut had two rooms . Palatial . Bart ( Bartholamew ) was the youngest ; picked on by his five older brothers . They became fast friends . So much so that when king Richard called for troups , and Bart and his brothers had to go - thier father being friends with the Lord and all - it was only natural for him to go too . Outside Jeruselem , he , Bart and two others - on a scouting mission - were attacked by Sarecens . Deke surprised everyone ( including himself ) by diving under the lead thug 's scimitar and stabbing upward , leaping out of the way just in time . Then they fought . He was to kill more than the others , who may have died . After the last one was felled , they had run for thier lives , Deke badly wounded in the leg . Back home , Bart inherited the house , his brothers being dead . He cultivated a beard ; Deke remained clean - shaven . He married his sweetheart ; no one would have Deke , who lived Bart , as he he was lame . She died giving birth to Lillian - or Lily - and it fell upon Deke to care for her while Bart worked the fields or in this case , we " Was he one of them , daddy ? " she asked . " Yes , I believe it was . When I turned around to look at him , he was gone . Just like that . You know . . . they probably took Deke . " " Could you talk to me more about that ? How did he go away ? " " I don 't know , " he said in a heavy tone of voice . " Please . I don 't want to discuss this anymore . " But he could and did . No one else would listen to him ; about the Crusades , and tales of the fairies . About Deke , most of all . Not even his wife , for he had remarried . Bart needed someone to talk to . And the only person he could really communicate with was his daughter . " Sh * t ! F * * * ! Damn ! " Deke only understood one of those words . Just minutes before , something had tripped him . He dared not look up . " Seems like we have a visitor " someone said . He did not look up . " Please sir . You can sit up now . " this was spoken in a woman 's voice . He could see her feet . He sat up , and beheld 3 men and 2 women . All looked to be in thier early 20s . The men stood about a head taller and the women nearly as tall . Beyond them he could see squarish building with green feathery stuff on top - he figured them to be trees ( he was right . ) " You are fairies , aren 't you ? " " No , we are not " a man said . " We 're not . There 's no such thing as fairies . We are exactly like you but with one exception . We don 't age . " ( As they were telepaths , they actually spoke to him in his lingo . ) " Then where am I ? " He tried to keep his voice calm . One looked at the other , who said : " Tell him . " " You havn 't gone anywhere . this is the 31st century . " " Oh , " was all he could say . One of the women - she wore white , and a long red braid - said , " Now sit there and don 't move ! Don 't ask any more questions . We 'll get you home straight away , inside of ten minutes . " " Ten minutes ! I left a little girl back there . It might be too late ! " " You 'll arrive only seconds after you departed . " she said . The immortals left Deke and stood by the by the small machine at the edge of the circular clearing where he had found himself . " Bad news " one of them muttered . " We can 't send him back now . The machine 's not working right ; that is what got our friend into this ; there was a time leakage . He heard something , and came up to investigate . " " Which is bad for poor little Ivanhoe here . " This was spoken by the woman with the long red braid . " He 's just a serf , Jeanine . " the other woman said . " He was wounded in the Second Crusade . Couldn 't have happened to a nicer guy . I 've been watching him . " A snort . " I 'll bet you have . " She waved her hand . " Never mind that . I have something in mind for him . " " You mean we don 't just freeze him ? " a man said . " No , I 've a better idea . Send him to our world headquarters in New York . They 'll see fit to study him , I think . " There were groans all around . I 'm serious . I see something special in him . And after what he 's been through , why not give him some fun ? Even though he won 't . . . . . " " Very well , Jeannie , you tell him . " Deke saw the woman separate herself from the others and walk over to him . He knew that it was bad news . " I am sorry , " she said . But we cannot send you back right now after all . " " Why ? " he said . " The machine is broken . If we sent you back now we would be risking your life . It will be a month untill we get a replacement . But we have something in mind for you . " " What is that ? " We will sending you over to the city of New York . That 's where our main anthropological center is . After a month you will be returned here , and you will still arrive home only seconds after you left . And if you decide to to stay - or something happens to you - we will see to it that no harm befalls the child . " He sighed . " Do I have a choice ? " " Yes you do . We could freeze you in time for that period - from what I 've heard it is not very pleasant . " " The answer is yes , then . " The girl turned away from him , expecting him to follow , like an obedient dog . He did so ; but he bent over and winced . His old wound was acting up . She turned . " Is something wrong ? " " War wound . It is hard for me to walk . Could you possibly help ? " She turned to one of the men , who shrugged . He pulled an insrtument out of his belt , then ran it along Deke 's leg . The pain went away immediately . The four walked out of the clearing , Deke following , asking " Would you mind telling me where New York is ? " He was carried across the Atlantic in a 3 - story craft which sped across the ocean at a height of 50 feet . While they had airplanes in this era - closer to shuttlecraft actually - they suspected taking him on it might give him a heart attack . They were right about that . He was given a large room to stay in , and spent almost all his time there . With him was a taciturn male immortal whose job was to look after him . They said little to one another . On the third day he was informed that that afternoon they would be docking in New York . Nervously he 'd wolfed down his breakfast - a kind of fairy dish known as " flapjacks " - and followed his companion up the rickety metal stairway to the observation deck . There he beheld the New York skyline , which looked much the same as a thousand years ago . The afternoon sun and turned it golden . And at the Statue of Liberty too ; she had " Look upon this Deke , " said his normally silent companion . " Here is where all the legends began . Some of those we send back - we allow to keep some of thier memories . " " Oh , Oh . " He pointed to the statue . " Who is that ? " " Liberty Enlightening the World , " he said . " It is supposed to stand for freedom , about a thousand years old . Long ago , the sword was a torch . We once were attacked , you know . I would have liked the torch better . " Then he was herded ( he thought the term applied ) into a smaller craft ; it took him to the shore . He got out and saw a woman detach herself from a knot of people and run to him across the sand - for this was now a beach . Tiny ( for an immortal ) and dressed in pastels , with layered reddish - brown hair . She looked like Susan Sarandon at age 20 . She took both his hands in hers . " My name is Valerie . Call me Val . I am the assistant director , and during your stay here you will be living with me . " They were taken via motorboat up the many canals which wound through Manhattan . For the sea level had risen . The buildings , which came down to the water 's edge , looked very old ; they had moss on them too , as did the huge trees at the shoreline . It was a beautiful city . It was getting near evening when they came to the centuries - old building where she lived . he was led up a flight of stairs to the 5th story . Once inside , she sat him down on the overstuffed couch , gave him water and something called a " sandwich . " She told him she would be leaving for a couple hours , and for him to be sure not be sure not to touch anything . He listened to her retreating footsteps , then got up . He looked around the room , which was about the same size as the main room in Barts 's house . Is this how fairies live ? He gazed on the strange looking wicker furniture , piled with pillows . A house gecko darted nearby to behind a picture on the vine - laced wall . . At the end of the room was a picture window , half hidden by crocheted curtains . He walked over to it , and gingerly drew it aside . He looked at the top of a nearby building , 5 stories " When we were docking in France , " Deke said , Bart and two others put thier money together and put me together with . . . . this whore . . . . but nothing happened . " I could give myself to you right now . In the spirit of friendship , of course . " " I am honored lady . But I . . . I can 't . " He 'd always been shy with the girls anyway ; this one was rather too much to handle . He could sense her age . He felt her bare arm on his ; it was cold . She was so alien to him . She laughed . " Scared , huh ? Well , I am at least ten times older than you are . " " That is why , yes " . " Better that we just remain friends , then , " she muttered . " I see you as the son I shall never have . But still , I 'm disappointed , as I too come from the past . The early 1970s to be exact . " " You cannot have a child , " he said shocked . " Its not that I cannot . I am not allowed to . There are far too many people , Deke . " " But when I traveled through this world , back in England , it did not look crowded . I saw few people . " " That 's because most of our dwellings are mostly or entirely underground . That 's where the people are , most of the time . To make way for the plants , which provide air to breathe . Without them we 'd die . " " I have heard tell that fairy villages are underground . I didn 't know that is why . But what of New York ? " " We kept the towers because of thier beauty . I was alive when they were voting not to tear them down , and I 'm glad they didn 't . But at times , as I walk down these streets I can hear the ghosts of my time . I feel as though I were living in a mausoleum , not a city . " He decided to change the subject . he shivered . " What is that thing you 're holding in your mouth ? " " Flowers of the hemp , courtesy of my era . It is said to harm mortals if they use it too much . Of course it doesn 't hurt us . Nothing does . Like to try it ? " " Why , if you say it will harm me ? " " I don 't think it can , not if it 's just a few times . I am a scientist , so I should know . And I know ho homesick you are . I think this will cheer you up . ' So silently he watched while a joint for him . Then she taught him how to inhale . She was right - it did make him feel better . This was after a week in her Manhattan apartment . Days earlier , she 'd led him down the stairs to the basement , to a walkway . It now housed bullet trains which went to every city in the US - half of which were underground . The walked alongside the tracks on the broad crowded walkway ; on the other side of the tracks was a canal , lit from below , which carried the city 's water . People were swimming and boating ; desease was unknown here . " Try not to stare , " she whispered , " act normal . " ( He found the hard to do , as half of the women had no tops on . ) They exited into the lobby of another building ; underground also . The next couple hours passed in a blur . He was taken into a dimly lit room , and given something to drink ; he lay down upon a hospital bed . Then , as he lay asleep , all of his memories were recorded . He was glad that later in the day he was actually given some one to talk to , who would even answer some of his questions . He was was shown into is office , of a very young looking man with shoulder - length red hair , tied back . Deke supposed he was at least a hundred . He looked at Deke as though he were a friend not seen at a long while . Other immortals had looked at him like that . It struck him how much the men of this era resembled him . The pale skin , the long hair , the beardlessness . It did not make him feel comfortable at all . " Are you enjoying your stay here , Zeke ? " he was asked after he settled into his chair . " My name is Deke . " " I 'm sorry . . I 'll answer any questions that you may have . " " How is you . . . . . people . . . . . can travel through time ? And what do you want with us ? " " Time slippages have always existed , Deke . For example , sometimes when you look into the west , you can view the towers of New York , the sun turning them golden - " " I 've heard of that , yes . " Deke breathed . " Fata Morgana . As for what we want with people of your time , your legends tell of us . We want to close the circle , that 's all . " What must be must be " - that 's our motto . " " Oh " he said . " And I 've been going over your statistics . You have no close attachments , eh ? " Just a man and a little girl . And I daresay " he added almost bitterly , " They won 't be missing me very long . " " Oh , I don 't know about that , " the immortal murmured . But if you like you can stay us , Deke ? " " Why are you offering me this ? " " We see something special in you . You will not have to age if you stay . And as we 've told you before , no harm will befall the little girl , who you left on the hill . " " I don 't think I can accept your kind offer . This isn 't where I belong . " " I knew you 'd say that . But if you were 10 years older - or 20 - you might be whistling a different tune . " " I know " he said , shivering inwardly . He 'd heard tale of people taken by the " fairies " , who elected to stay , and had the aging process halted or even reversed . The older they were , he knew , the more they were inclined to stay here . " I 'm a little disappointed , Deke . We need . . . new faces . . . . from time to time . But don 't worry , Deke . We 'll get you home . " He smiled now , as he thought of the immortal 's promise . The joint had completely burned down . " Tell you what , " Valerie said , " I don 't think a couple more could hurt you . I will give them to you with a book of matches , and if you are in pain missing your home , they could help . " She gave these to him in a pouch . He put them in the pocket of his jerken , and forgot about it . So did she . The hours spent in Valerie 's apartment were endless , as Deke had nothing to do . He couldn 't read ; she showed him thier equivelent of a TV program , but he could he could not understand much of it . Then at night she would call him into her bedroom , to show him something she called Movies . They lay upon her bed ; overhead was a circular screen . Once he was actually able to understand the setup , he found himself enjoying them . Toward the end of the month she showed him one he thought would reverbrate in his head forever . " It 's a thousand years old , " she said , but I know you 'll like this Deke . " She explained to him that it was all a fantasy - the Lion , the scarecrow , and the Tin Woodman . Then she turned off the light and fell aLillian , age 18 , lay on the on underneath her new friend Will . His hand was between her thighs , trying to push them apart . Down below , the festival was going on . That was where she had met him , and invited up here . She had been feeling lonely , which was her usual case , but rarely did she seek to do anything about it . She had no close female friends . As for the boys , she liked some of them . But they were nothing compared to the man who showed up in her dreams , whom her father expected to turn up on thier doorstep any moment . She 'd always dremt of Deke ; now they were taking a different turn . She didn 't dare speak of this to anyone . But still , she had brought him up here . It seems as though she 'd bitten off rather more than she could swallow . " Give it up , Lil . No one would want to marry you anyway . " " Then I 'd rather not , thank you . " She looked over his shoulder into the darkness , at something that was not there . She cried suddenly , " Oh god , look at that ! " " Don 't take the - Oh ! " He saw where she was looking . He beheld a tall man very short white hair , young appearing , wavering in and out of sight . " Those people are watching over me , " she said calmly . " Because of him . he sent them . " " Our Lord had nothing to do with it . " ( he misunderstood . ) Those people are evil . But be gone with you ! " He said to the apparition , nervously : " Don 't worry , I won 't hurt her . " Very slowly she got up and drew around herself her heavy woolen cloak . With a dignity she had not possessed before , she walked slowly away from them , into the mist . They never spoke again . Did she hear " fairy laughter " or was she imagining things ? Just two days were left before Deke would have to depart . That night , he found himself unable to sleep . At about midnight , he heard the sound of singing , coming in from the window . He got up and went over to it . There on the building directly below - in the square with the swimming pool - people were singing . Sparklers shone down on thier upturned , young faces . Should auld acquaintance be forgot , And never brought to mind ? Should auld acquaintance be forgot , And auld lang syne ! For auld lang syne , my dear , For auld lang syne . We 'll tak a cup o ' kindness yet , For auld lang syne . " What is that song ? " he whispered . " It 's so beautiful . " " Ode to the New Year . " she said . Oh , I know , it looks a lot like spring , not January . A lot of things have changed . " Shivering a little , and avoiding her gaze , he went back to bed . For a moment - he 'd almost changed his mind . And she knew it . She acompanied him on the hoverflight back to England . " Just want to see you off . " she laughed . But he also got the idea she wanted to protect him from something . He didn 't know what it was . When he arrived , he was shown to his quarters - a tiny room with a cot and a primitive toilet ( one of the many thing he 'd found wondrous about the future was the commodes . ) He had the feeling they were done with pampering him . He was right . This was the night before he was set to depart . He slept restlessly ; he came awake to someone shaking him . It was Val . Does she want to . . . . . But she only put her hand on his mouth . She drew him to his feet . " I 'm sending you back myself . " " Why is that ? " " I just found out . When they will set the controlls on the machine to send you back in time , they will also set it to erase your memory of all that befell you here . That would upset you of course , but you 'll never know . You got in by mistake , and we told you too much . That 's dangerous , Deke . You could change history . But you are my friend and my charge ; I know how important those memories are to y " About 15 to 20 seconds , yes . " " Could you not cut it closer than that ? She 's an active child - " " I dare not cut it closer than that . You could die or - worse . " She shivered . " Oh , " he said . She led him to the center of the circle . " Well this is goodbye . " For just a second she was in his arms . She gave him a quick kiss . . . like a sister . " Thank you for everything . " " Thank you for everything . " She walked over to the device and crouched down . As she started to work with the controlls , it looked to him like she was shaking . He thought nervously , is she thinking - do I remember how to work this thing ? She was indeed thinking , do I remember how to work this thing ? She straightened up . " There , it 's done . Hold on tight , Deke ! " He felt a blow from behind , as before . He plunged into darkness , and fell upon his knees onto the long grass . He buried his face in it . He was home . Bart was worried about Lillian , age 23 . Still living at home , she had no interest in aquiring a marriage partner . She was indeed attractive ; tall , with long kinky light brown hair , large dark eyes , rounded features and figure . But she had little interest in the young serf men of that village , nor they in her . She was cut off even from her half - siblings . Her worst relationship was with " Deke the second " , born 5 years after her . He couldn 't have been more different than his namesake . She called him " Deke the dolt " ( or the medieval equivelent therof , ) he had similar insults for her . She spent long hours walking in the fields and woods by herself ; at home , she brooded . That was part of the problem . That , and the fact that ever since childhood , he 'd been filling her head with talk about Deke . Unconciously , she compared the village lads to him . They always came up short . But that wasn 't the worst thing . There was also having been abandoned on the hill . What horrors had she experienced , when Deke put her down and didn 't return . She always said she didn 't remember . But before she was a happy and playful little girl . Afterwards , she was something different . Lily was lost . And as he gazed up at the hill , over the years , he couldn 't help but feel that was at fault . Remembering Lily , he pulled himself to his feet . " Lily , " he called . " Lily ! " He ran to the patch of ferns . She was nowhere to be seen . There was no sign in fact , that she had ever been there . Not even an impression her body would have left . " Oh , he moaned . He should have known that this would happen . How could they lie to him ? But no - apparently his friend had just made a mistake . He guessed that he had been off , by a day or two . Hopefully the girl had been found . At least there were no signs of violence here , as though a wolf had gotten to her . Still - he expected Bart would be mad at him , But what would he say ? He walked over to the edge of the hillside . Looking down at the town , he thought there might have been some changes . But as it was getting dark , he couldn 't really be sure . Slowly , he walked down and into the village , on the way to Barts ' hut . It was the same place it had always stood . Upon arrival , he poked his head through the cloth flap which served as the doorway . " I 'm home ! " he said . He beheld a group of people he 'd never seen before . One of them , Bart , had had his back turned - he turned around to stare at him , as though he were a stranger . " Bart , don 't you know it 's me ? " he said . " I 've come back . Do I have a story to tell you ! Is Lillian all right ? " The big man slowly walked up to him and searched his face . he could tell that Bart 's own had some lines in it . Oh no . Then Bart engulfed him in his arms . " Oh I knew this would happen , " said he between sobs . " Why did you take so long ? " Holding onto his friend ( not knowing what else to do ) Deke gazed upon the people in the room . he felt a chill . " Bart " , he said , " are these your children ? " " Yes , " Bart said heavily . " You married again ? " " Yes . My wife is dead . " He untangled himself from Bart . " Please tell me , how long have I been away . " " Don 't you know ? " " No , I do not . " " It will have been 20 years this October . " " Oh . Oh . " Bart sighed . " May as well introduce you to the children . Here 's Lillian - wait ! I thought she was here just now . Well here 's Deke my oldest , age 18 . " Deke smiled . " Here 's Mary age 16 - he pointed to a blonde girl who curtsied - here 's Stuart , here 's Peter . And here 's Dorothy . " " Dorothy ! " He smiled at the 10 year old girl . " What a coincidence ! I 'll explain later . I 'll tell you all where I 've been , but I want Lillian to hear it . Didn 't you say she was just here ? " " I saw her slip out , " the oldest son said . " She recognized you , I think , and could not take the shock . " Deke then remembered : before Bart had embraced him he 'd seen a girl in the back of the room , tall , with long curly hair . But he wasn 't sure . " Is she still living at home ? I thought she 'd be married by now . If the woman I saw was her , then she 's pretty enough . " " That 's so , " Bart began heavily , " but she - " Deke " Jr " cut in - " I 'm sorry , but I don 't want to spend all evening discussing my sister . We 've done enough of that ! Please , dear sir , tell me were you went and what they 've done to you . You havn 't aged a day ! " Deke looked at namesake annoyed . " I don 't go anywhere . I traveled into the distant future . At the top of the hill , I heard somethinng and went to investigate . " " The future , " Bart said . " It 's true . I was watching your daughter then I heard a noise - people speaking - on the top of the hill . I sent up there to investigate and fell in . The people there are just like us - the only thing is that they do not age . They would have sent me back within minutes , and wiped my memory too no doubt , since I had seen so much . But the device was damaged . So I had to stay for a month , and when they did send me back a terrible mistake was made . I was supposed to arrive seconds after I had left ; instead it took years . " " I see , said Bart . Well , dinner is about to be served . You will tell us of all that befell you there , won 't you ? " As they sat around the table , the conversation lasted for hours . They never tired of asking questions about New York , and hearing his descriptions of the place . He held nothing back from them . Everyone forgot about Lily . Finally Bart said to his children , " I don 't want anything said here to leave this room . " The children groaned . " No , it 's true . You know how dangerous it is that he kept his memory . If any of you talk , who knows what will happen . " He turned to Deke . " You ought to take on another name , no ? Your eldest sister moved out of town , you could be her son . You could be her child . I 'll name you Richard , after His Highness . As for what your quarters are going to be , I have a building out back where I keep my wood and tools , and it 's much too big . It is about the size of one of our bedrooms . You can have it for now . " Deke sighed . He 'd expected that . After the children went to bed , the two men sat in the Common room quietly , feeding the fire . Then Bart turned to him . " I told them everything about you , " he said . " I wanted to keep your memory alive , as I know you would be returning any day . Folk laughed at me , but you were right . Here you are . " " Here I am , " he said . Before he went to sleep , his eyes scanned the hut by the light of the fire . He saw something on the opposite wall . He 'd guessed right - it was a picture of himself . He wore a shirt of chain mail ; he looked out at the viewer with a calm expression . In his hand he brandished a sword . He stared at it . Is that really what they thought I was ? He restrained himself - just barely - from tearing it down and ripping it up . Then he went to bed . Daybreak came , and he was still asleep . He did not awaken until around noon , at which point he rolled over and looked at the ceiling ; thinking of how lucky he was . After all , he was home , none the worse for wear . He 'd lost 20 years , but that wasn 't as bad as that could have been . Unlike some other pople in his place , he did not long for the world of the future . he did not care whether he ever saw it again . Most important ofSomeone was coming up the walkway . Her head was down ; He only saw her hair . It was because of it that he knew her . He walked down to the path to her . " Lillian ? " he said . Slowly , very slowly she looked up at him . Something in her gaze made him feel cold . Though she looked a lot like the girl in the Wizard Movie ( hair excepted . ) " Lily ? " I 've come back . " She didn 't say anything . He held out his palm , and she took it . Her hand felt cool . There was dirt under her fingernails , and on her bare feet . " We need to talk , " he said . He led her back into the hut . Dorothy was at the fire , stirring the evenings stew . She jumped a little when she saw him . " Does your father have any ale in the house ? Or wine ? " " Yes I do believe we do . " she disappeared into Bart 's room , and returned with a skin of ale . She poured the ale onto two mugs and handed them over to him . Her hand trembled a little . He decided not to comment on it . The great hero comes home . He handed one of them to Lily . He removed the furs and sack of straw from the bench where he 'd been sleeping . they sat down . They went through a third of the ale without looking at one another . There were so many things he wanted to say . He found he could not say them . " This ale has done something to my head . " she said suddenly . " I am sorry . I 'll speak with you later . " She got up and walked into the bedroom she shared with her siblings , he heard her throw herself down on the bed she shared with Mary . Bewildered , he stared after her . Then he heard someone enter the hut . It was the oldest son . Big and dark , with a feathery beard that would one day be like his dad 's . " May I have the rest of that ? " he said , refering to Lily 's ale . " Sure , " said Deke . His namesake took it from his nerveless hand . He drained it in one gulp , and winked . " Don 't tell my father . " H seemed to sense what had occurred . " You met my sister ? She 's a wild one , eh ? " " I wouldn 't say that . " Then he described what had happened . He let out a heavy sigh . " I don 't know what 's up with my sister . But our father told her so much about you . " He laughed and winked . " Methinks she 's besotted . " " With me ? Oh , you 're joking . " " Could be , I don 't know . but she was closest to our father . And he all but built a shrine to you , following your disappearance . Because he blames himself for it , I imagine . " He nodded at the picture on the wall . Deke looked at it also ; he shuddered . " That 's not me at all . " he quietly said . " There 's nothing special about me . And remember , I was only away just a month . " " A month . a month . Sure looks that way to us . " That night at dinner , he held the chidren spellbound with talk about New York . He described the city in as much detail as possible . The young people could not get enough of it . Everyone , that is , save Lily . She sat away from the others , her knee drewn up to her chest . Her face was half hidden by her hair . She looked morose . The wizard of Oz , Dorothy had looked familiar to him . Now he knew why . Lily 's late mother had been almost a ringer for Judy Garland . So was Lily . If only she 'd look him in the face ! " Lily , " said Bart after awhile , do you have anything to say ? " " I saw the city once , said she . " In a dream . I flew over the sea , and saw the lady with the spiky crown . " She still did not look up . Peter said , " My sister 's is spoiling the party as usual . " He said it through a laugh . Obviously something was eating the girl . And he thought , it had something to do with him . He decided he would speak to her away from the others . He also remembered the " magic " fairy - herb Val had given him . Maybe , he thought , it would help her open up . As they were settling down for bed , as she was about to enter thier bedroom , he walked up to her and took her arm . She quivered . " Lily , he said , I would like to speak with you alone . Let 's go walking tomorrow . " She paused for a second before answering . " Yes . " The following afternoon , he met her outside of the after the noon meal . Without a word , she took his hand and he led her down from the village to where they would be alone , following a stream they waded through to the base of a small cliff . Looking down at her - her head was bent - he had a strange feeling of deja vu . Well , he had been half in love with her mother , when she was alive . They settled down . She sighed , and drew up her knees to her chest , her arms around her heavy wool skirt . As usual . he felt he couldn 't speak . Like her . " I have something for you " he said , finding his voice at last . She looked over and he held out his hand , wheich held a couple joints and matches . She looked at it quizically . " It 's from the fairies . " he said . " " Do we eat them ? " " No . Do as I do . " He lit the two joints and handed one to her . His hands were shaking ; he almost scorched himself . So were hers . They sat and smoked in silence . After a while he looked over at her , and saw that a change had come over her . The muscles in her relaxed ; her jaw became unclenched . She threw her head back , and the sun shone down on her exposed neck and her hair . He hadn 't noticed before how lovely she was . He also realized - as he hadn 't before - what had been knawing at the girl . It did not faze him at all . He felt it too . Presently she threw herself backward , after stubbing out the joint with her bare foot . He sat beside her feeling more calm than he had in months . Then he turned to her . Lily ? " She said nothing . " Lily . Are you awake ? " She gave a closed - lipped smile . Surprising himself , he bent over her face and kissed it , quickly . 't believe I did that . Maybe it was the pot but she didn 't seem surprised at all . She did not shrink away . She held out her hand , and he pulled her up . Shyly she wet her lips with her tongue . " Oh , I was so certain you wouldn 't want me . . . . . . . . " Another moment ( quite a long one ) later , once again he looked her in the eyes . To his surprise , he still saw fear . " Don 't be so nervious Lily ! We 're just two normal 23 year olds , enjoying a beautiful day . There is nothing wrong with what we just did . " She stared . " Did you not spend 20 years among those people ? No , not at all . More like a month . " " A month ? How could that be ? " " I wish you were there when I explained everything . I was promised I would be returned seconds after I had left . But a woman I knew there took pity upon me , as they were planning on erasing my memory . I had seen too much . But she made a mistake , probably , as it should have been seconds . Instead , " he said flatly , " it was years . " " Oh , she said . I thought you had become like one of them . That 's one reason I was afraid , I think . But that 's not so ? You 're not immortal ? " , " No , I 'm not . And I 'm glad , though if I were older I wouldn 't be . This is the happiest day of my life , Lily . What do you want to do ? " " Let 's lay down and look at the sky . " she said dreamily . My father and I used to do that , long ago . You know - I don 't think we should tell him . " " You 're right , Lily . Not just yet . " And so , together they lay down and lay there , thier heads lightly touching , watching the drifting clouds for over an hour . Right through the shocked , transparent heads of four immortals , standing on the cliff above them . Bart looked thoughtfully over at Deke , during the evening meal . He looked a lot happier . So did his daughter . He didn 't care what had bappened . He just was glad Deke was home . They were a couple after that , meeting always in secret , as Deke didn 't know how Bartholamew would take the news . ( They did not , as yet , consummate thier relationship . ) Not that he hmself saw anything wrong with it . They were the same age after all , and hardly blood relatives . it was not as though he 'd spent the last twenty years watching her grow up . Both had been lonely prior to this , and had similar personalities . Most important of all - there seemed something unreal abut this thing . As it had been with the girl in the Movie - she opened her her eyes , and found out it had only been a dream . So when he walked with Bart - they were still close friends , and he 'd become an apprentice carpenter , ( though not a very good one ) he found he could not tell . Occasionally Bartholamew would bring up this or that girl had been giving Deke the eye - he wasn 't lame anymoWhat were you thinking , Val , when you gave him that weed ? And he got the girl stoned too ! Silent laughter . I just felt sorry for him , that 's all . I didn 't think he 'd take it back into the past . They won 't be getting anymore . I know that , and I 'm glad . But him and the girl . . . . . I don 't know . Freddy , please leave them alone ! I see myself in that girl . I know every thought in her head . She was , I believe , myself in a past life . " Maybe she was , maybe she wasn 't . But you 've no right to meddle with Time like this Val . We 'll just keep an eye on them . For now . That was in May . In August of that year the serf girl ventured , alone into the Lord 's woods . She was searching for dinner , as ever since she was a girl she knew what herbs were safe to eat . She knew this place like the back of her hand . " Ah , mushrooms , " she whispered . Chanterelles . She stuffed them into the cloth bag she carried with her , turned , slinging it over her shoulder . Had she heard a noise ? Her eye traveled up , then she saw him . An unaturally tall man , somewhat transluicent looking , with short brown hair It was one of them , she was sure . She turned to run , but it was like going through molasses . Somehow he was there , in a millisecond , holding her by the wrist . The person doing that was James , in fact . She faught to stay calm . You 're one of the future people , arent ' you ? Well we 've always known we were being followed . " " Yes , we have been watching you . I was supposed to be invisible in fact , but I forgot . She smiled . " Do they all have funny accents like you ? " I come from north of here - dies not matter . Your man Deke - you love him very much , eh ? She stared . " You know that about us ? " " I 'm sorry , but we might have to put and end to it , because you see it could . . . . She didn 't wait to hear the rest . " Oh , we 'll see about that . " Viciously she jerked her arm loose and spend off , running down the trail . To her immense relief , he did not follow her . Deke stirred in his sleep . He 'd had a big dinner the evening before ; also Lily looked troubled . He had been used to her telling him everything . A look had been on her face , but he could not get to her alone to speak to her . As he turned over , he heard a noise . It was He got to his feet and went to her standing in the doorway . She embraced him hard . " This is unseemly , " he said . If someone sees us now . . . . " " I saw one of them in the woods , " she said . " A man . He told me that those people from the future will be putting an end to what is between us . They will take either you or me - I don 't know . " " Oh , I don 't understand them . I don 't understand them at all . " " What are you doing ? " he asked nerviously . It isn 't warm in here , is it ? " " You might have to leave tomorrow , " she said . If you do , I want to take something with me . " " No , " he said . But she was halfway out of her clothes . " This could be our last wedding night , Deke , " was the last thing she said . Angrily , she kicked her dress out the door . He awoke the next morning , the sun shining down on his body though the doorway . He felt a bit nauseated , but happy . He couldn 't believe what had just happened . Sorry , Bart , I don 't know how to tell you this . Your daughter and myself are to be married . You see that we . . . . we . . . . Laying there , he realized he could not do it . Slowly he got to his feet , for his day 's work in the fields . They were to have two more months together . Things got pretty awkward between them at first ; but in the end they were closer . The immortals left them alone ; though they were always silently watching . They thought that Bart didn 't know . In the start of the second month , Lillian found a burned - out cottage in the woods that was said to be haunted . She decorated it with wildflowers and leaves from the forest , making seem to them like it was thier home , that they were married . They spent a lot of time there . On the day of October 14 , they sat outside the small abode talking in the easy way they now had , having napped ( and done more ) on a bed of ferns two hours later . Just out of thier sight stood the immortals . Waiting . " Have you ever felt anything for Valerie ? " she said . After all you told me about her , I am surprised you didn 't stay . " " Well , she had no vulnerability , unlike yourself . That is why we are better suited , I think . But there was this one time - I almost decided to stay . I looked out of the window and it was like a spring morning , and these people were singing - this song about the changing of the year . Then I turned around and looked at her - she almost seemed like a lost child . I almost changed my mind , I think . " She laughed hoarsely . " I am glad you did not . But the lady - I would like to meet her . " ( Little did she know that Val was standing 20 paces away . ) " I know . But there is one thing immortals cannot have . Children . " " Is that so ? " She put her hand on her belly . He felt as though he had been caught in a plunging elevator . " Why didn 't you tell me ? " " I didn 't know before this week . I was going to tell you tomorrow at Festival , as a surprise . My father too . " " We 'd better tell him now , Lily , " he said . He jumped to his feet and held out his hand . " We are running out of time . " ( He didn 't know how right he was . ) The immortals silently watched the couple walk out of the clearing , then conferred . What are those people to you , Val ? Your children ? Yes , and what 's that to you ? You don 't get it , do you ? We finally know the outcome of your little experiment Such as . . . . . The girl is with child . It 's descendent could become the next Hitler , or Ghandi , or . . . . . don 't you know what a mess we are in ? I didn 't realize . . . . . we could make her drop the baby , then render her sterile , without realizing it . They could adopt kids . . . . No , no , it 's too late ! We have to put an end to it ! I . . . . . think I know what you mean by that . But could you give them one more day ? What difference would that make ? Are you planning to tell ? What good would that do ? But they are holding a festival tomorrow , and those people are looking forward to it . I want them to be happy for just 24 hours . I will return the favor , I promise ! Very well . We 'll do it for the sake of those poor people . But believe me , you owe us on this Val . . . . . . . Deke , Bart , and Lillian stood at the top of the hill where it had all begun . They had decided they had might as well tell him here . Bart sighed heavily . " I have always known , " he said , " right from the first . Almost from the first time you went out walking together . I saw how happy she was . I was astounded at first , but then came to understand . I 've been waiting for you to tell me . " " We 've been waiting for you to tell us ! Think of all the time we 've wasted ! We could be married by now ! " " I know . I 'm sorry . Just couldn 't come up with the words . Day after Festival , will you be seeing the priest ? " " Of course . And will you give us your blessings ? " " I know you both too well not to . But if you had stayed , Deke , and now asked for her hand . . . . I don 't know . " " How could you think that of me ? I could never see her in such a way , nor she myself . I would be just an uncle to her , nothing more . Plus I would be married by now . Or dead . " " Well , " Lily muttered , " We 've one thing to thank the fairies for . " " I wonder where we will live , " said Deke . " After we start a family the shed would be too small . " He couldn 't bear to bring up her pregnancy . " I shall add on two rooms . It should make a nice house . " " I am grateful , but . . . . . there is something I forgot to tell you . Lily met one of them in the woods , who told her that they plan to put and end to what is between us . I gather they plan to take me again . " " I won 't allow that to happen , " said Bart . " How ? " Bart drew himself up . " Let 's make a solemn vow , the three of us . I know they are listening . That whatever happens , us three shall be together . " He raised his hand and said , " I do swear . " " I do swear . " " I do swear . " " There , " he said grimly , " I " Ah , dreams . I had this last night , Deke . I was watching you and Lily 's children play on the grass . They were beautiful . " There 's one in the oven already , Bart . " Yours are a handsome lot too . " He winked . They looked at Lily , who was laughing with the girls . She had not done that before . " She 's changed so much , " said Bart . " Thanks to me , yes . " " Think , later on you will dance with her ? " He smiled . " I think so . " After the Festival 's end , the three serfs lingered long talking with friends . It was long after dark that they set out for home , thier arms around each other 's waists . The girl was in the middle . " The stars look like the buildings of New York . " Deke said . There are so many windows . . . . . " " Impressive , " Bart said . Deke laughed nervously . " I 've a feeling those buildings are above me - that they are going to crash down on us . " " Don 't talk like that ! " Lily cried . " Teach us that song you spoke of earlier - that ode to the new year . " " Sure . It goes like this . . . . " Soon they were singing : Should auld acquaintance be forgot , And never brought to mind ? Should auld acquaintance be forgot , And auld lang syne ! Still singing , they rounded a corner . " What 's that ? " said Lily . A man was standing in the middle of the road . He seemed to have appeared out of nowhere . In the starlight they could see he had two black braids down his chest . He was Alfredo , in fact , head of the Project . They kept walking toward him . What else could they do ? " I would like you to stand as close together as possible . Oh . I see you are already doing that . " " You 've come for me havn 't you ? " Deke said quietly . " No . In a way , I 've come for all three of you . " Deke blinked . " you are taking all three of us into the future ? " " Not exactly . But you 'd better say your goodbyes now , Deke . " Tears started in his eyes . " I thought you were finally finished with me . " " We thought so too . But something happened which cannot be permitted . " " It 's me and Lily , isn 't it ? Because she 's my friend 's daughter ? Is that like incest to you ? " " No , it 's not . It 's the baby . " " What baby ? " cried Bart . Before he could answer , Deke cut in : " What do you plan to do with us ? " He gazed at them with compassion . " I 'm sending you back to where you were . " Then he reached into his pocket . Lily felt thier hands gripping thier shoulders ; saw the immortal take the device out of his pocket and point it at them . The last thing , she thought , she 'd ever see . This is like death . With a final burst of energy , she threw back her head and screamed . " Deke ? " " Yes ? " Deke turned around and saw his friend trudging up the hill . He felt as though hours had just passed , but how could that be ? The sun was still high in the sky . " Is something the matter ? " I was down at Festival , when I don 't know - I got a funny feeling . I saw you weren 't at home , so I came up here . Is everything all right ? " " Yes , it is , though Lillian 's been cranky . " He handed her back to her father , almost in relief . Bart rocked her . " There , there . " Bart met his friend 's gaze , held it . " You 've been thinking of going away , havn 't you ? " " Yes . . . . but I don 't know , I 've changed my mind . " " That 's good . How 's your leg ? " Funny . . . feels better than ever . " " Thanks to them , no doubt . " He shivered , and crossed himself . Said Deke , " I don 't recall seeing any . " " Then let 's be gone from this place and never return . ! It 's said to be haunted . Come down to Festival with me , it 's not too late . I saw some girls give you the eye . " Deke smiled . " Is that so ! " " And when you marry , don 't move out . I will add on two rooms to the shed in back . It should make a nice house . " " I 'm honored . I 'm not going anywhere . " " And the same will be true for Lily - when she marries I will build a house for them close by . " He smiled . " I 'd like that too . " " Then let 's make a vow , the three of us , " Bart said playfully . " I think the fairies are listening . Let 's swear that whatever happens , us three will be together . " He raised his hand . " I do swear . " " I do swear , " said Deke . " What about you , Lily . ? " She raised her small hand . " ' Do swear . " They all laughed . Then started down the hill . |
A few minutes later , the main presentation started . . . I thought maybe my table - mates might come back to the table during the presentation , but they didn 't . I stayed at the table because I really wanted to hear the Johnsons speak . . . and , the audience was thinning out quite a bit so I wanted to support them by staying in my seat . . . and I stayed because I was very interested in their story . First , the two radio guys spoke a little bit , then it was the Johnsons ' turn to speak . All three of them went up on the stage together . They said that they were very nervous as none of them had much experience with public speaking , and this was the first time for any of them to publically share their story . It was pretty obvious that it was a new experience for them . . . they stumbled over their words , and their story - telling was a bit disjointed . . . but it was raw and authentic . . . and very compelling . . . very powerful . Liz told about how her grandfather had molested her starting at age three . Then , when she was eight , she stood up to him and told him to stop . She believes that he thought she might tell someone if he didn 't stop , and that is why he stopped . She decided to not tell anyone because it was done and " over with " . . . she didn 't see any need to tell . Then , when she was 14 , she began struggling with severe depression . She was plagued with the memories of being molested and she knew she needed help . She wrote a letter to her mom , and in the letter she disclosed that someone had molested her but also stated that she couldn 't tell who it was . Her mom , Michelle , read the letter and called her husband ( Liz 's dad ) at work . He picked up Liz from school and brought her home so the three of them could talk about the letter . They asked her to disclose the identity of her molester , but she wouldn 't . However , the Michelle instinctively knew who it was . . . she didn 't how she knew , but she knew it was her dad ( Liz 's grandfather ) . Michelle and the dad , Tom , went to the police . As part of the police investigation , Liz was questioned at the child advocacy center by specially trained forensic investigators . The investigation revealed that there had been many , many times that the grandfather had molested Liz . He was arrested and convicted for the abuse . Michelle and Tom made sure that Liz got into therapy and Liz began her healing journey . A few months later , Michelle began experiencing severe depression , became suicidal and self - destructive . So , she went into therapy , as well . Within the context of therapy , she began recovering memories of being molested by her dad . So , she has been on her own healing path . In closing , Tom encouraged anyone who has been abused to disclose to someone and to get help . He encouraged people to share their own stories because healing comes from the sharing . He said there was no " right " way to share our stories , we just need to find our own unique way of doing it . Of course , because I had already been emotional from talking with Debbie , I totally " lost it " during the Johnsons ' presentation . I just sat in my seat and sobbed . . . I was a huge mess . Annette sat beside me for a while , rubbing my back . . . Annette 's husband came over and gave me a hug . . . Debbie would pat me on the shoulder every time she walked by me . . . I don 't think they knew what to do with me . Annette had a pretty good idea of why I was so emotional because , when I asked her to be a reference for me , I had mentioned to her that I had been molested . But , I don 't think she had any idea how raw my emotions still are at this point in my healing . On the way to the door , I ran into Michelle and Tom . I thanked them for telling their story and told them I was so very proud of how courageous they were in telling their story publically . I mentioned to them that I had given my business card to Liz and that I had written the name of my blog on the card . . . and that the focus of my blog is to tell my own story as part of my own healing journey , as Tom had encouraged us to do . Each place setting at the event had a seashell . There was a single word on a small piece of paper tied to each seashell . There were a variety of words . . . mine was " Hope " . How fitting . . . I think it is hope that I need the most in my healing journey . And , now , I have a little reminder that it is healthy to hope . I think I 'll keep it on my desk at the studio . That feels to me the most appropriate place for it . Anyway , today , I sent an email to Debbie to let her know how tickled I am that I got to see her again , and to thank her again for being such an inspirational example . I don 't know if I 'll ever run into her again . . . I hope so . I slide into a chair next to Liz . She introduced me to her boyfriend , sitting on the other side of her . Liz then explained the relationships among the family members present . . . her two aunts , an aunt 's uncle , her brother , her mom , her dad . . . I started piecing together the family tree . . . various family members told me where they lived and what they did for a living . . . they were very welcoming and accepting of me . . . I turned my attention back to Liz . I told her that I had read her profile in the program . I inquired if it would be impolite or improper of me to ask about her story . . . or , did I need to wait to hear it with the rest of the audience . . . ? ? She said that she had been molested by her maternal grandfather when she was younger , and she had not disclosed to anyone . Then , when she was 14 , she disclosed to her parents . Her parents contacted law enforcement and the investigation resulted in the arrest and conviction of her grandfather . She went on to say that , months later , her mother began having flashbacks to being molested as a child by the grandfather ( the mother 's father ) and she started having trouble functioning . Her mom then went into intense therapy , which led to her recovering her memories . She is doing much better now . " Oh , no . . . advocacy centers didn 't exist back then . . . there were no avenues for disclosure , or investigation or prosecution . . . there was no help for kids like me back then . We weren 't believed , and nothing was done to help us . That 's just the way it was back then . " " Yes , it was terrible . However , now I 'm preparing to be a CASA so I can help that to not be the case for the kids of today . I have the ability to do something about it now . I 'll be doing something really good with a part of my history that was really bad . " I took out one of my business cards - thank goodness I went back to get them - and I wrote the name of my blog on the back . I invited her to check out my blog , if she cared to . She thanked me . . . About then , the last of their guests arrived and there was really not room for me at their table any more . And , when I looked over at my table , there were a few people sitting there . So , it seemed my time to leave had arrived . I thanked the Johnsons and headed back to my own table . The MC then launched a slide show that described the advocacy centers and related facilities that would benefit from this event . And , the slide show gave credit to all of those who had played a key role in making this event possible . When the slide came up naming the two event co - chairpersons , I noticed a familiar name . . . It was Debbie , the real estate agent who spoke with me two or three years ago when I returned as an observer to watch a child sexual assault trial for which I had been called - then dismissed - as a juror . On that day , she told me that she had been molested as a child , and that , as an adult , she is involved in the CASA program and in the victim 's advocacy program in order to create a different experience for the kids of today . She said she is doing something very good with her own painful history as a part of her own healing journey . I noticed a lady sitting at the judges table , next to Annette , who reminded me of her . . . but , when I met Debbie at the courthouse , she was wearing a conservative ( but stylish ) business suit and her hair was in loose curls around her face . The gal sitting next to Annette was dressed in a glamorous and not - at - all - conservative short skirt and very high heels . . . her hair was pulled into an upswept style , and the application of her make - up was suitable for a night out on the town . . . I couldn 't be sure it was Debbie . . . I went through the line at the first food station and returned to my table with a fair - sized plate of food . We were given only a few bites of each food ; however , a few bites of every item on the comprehensive menu is A LOT of food . The good news is that we had a couple of hours to work our way through all the individual menus . Well , let 's just say that my assessment was limited to : I really like that , I disliked that so much that I would have preferred to spit it out , I could take it or leave it , and it tastes like chicken . All the extraordinary efforts to create amazingly memorable food were lost on me . Obviously , I have really , really , really primitively - functioning taste buds because I would have been just as happy with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - maybe happier . As I was waiting in line at the last of the five food stations , I realized I was standing next to the director of the CASA program located in City # 2 - she had been introduced on stage during the opening comments . She was standing alone , so I introduced myself and told her that I was applying to become a CASA in City # 1 . I asked her about the schedule of the training in her program and if she thought her training was comparable to the training offered in City # 1 - I explained that I was exploring the possibility of doing part of my training within her program and then transferring it to City # 1 's training program . She was open to that possibility . . . and she said the training content was pretty consistent nationwide . She invited me to consider applying to become a CASA in her city . . . she said she thought I would likely be a good fit . I thanked her for the invitation , and I explained it would be tough for me to go that route since my mom lives quite a distance from City # 2 and I will need to be caring for her more and more in the coming years , so I need to try to keep my life centered more around City # 1 . She said she understood . . . and she thanked me for being willing to be a CASA . I can 't say that I enjoyed interacting with the people at my table . They had come to the event in groups of two or three and they weren 't interested in including me much in their conversations . They asked a few polite questions - mostly about my experience of the food - then they turned their attention back to their exclusive friendships . The conversation in which I was included was of little interest to me . . . the latest phone they had bought , a concert they were planning to attend next week , the brand of make - up they were trying out , their dream car , what so - and - so said to the other so - and - so at last week 's party . . . They seemed to me to be rather shallow . . . self - involved . . . critical and crass . . . so , I wasn 't too upset when they all disappeared long before the food service was finished . I 'm assuming they went to the bar area so they could focus on drinking . I didn 't see any of them again the rest of the evening . . . and that was my preference as I then had room to put my water glass and my elbows wherever I felt like putting them . The event 's cocktail " hour " was scheduled to go from 5 : 00 to 6 : 30pm . I know enough about social events such as this to know attendees are expected to be fashionably late . So , I aimed to arrive about halfway through the cocktail " hour " . My aim was quite accurate as I made it to the venue at 5 : 45 . The check - in desk was located just inside the main entrance . I went through the check - in process and was given the number of the table assigned to the guests of Annette and her husband . . . it was table # 1 . It seems that table # 1 would be pretty easy to find , but it still took me quite a while to locate it . I eventually did find it . . . When I found the table , there were already two people sitting at the table . I introduced myself . Then , I selected a chair and asked if anyone was sitting in that chair . They hesitantly said that no one was yet sitting there . They seemed surprised when I sat down with them . . . I questioned the seating arrangement , but they seemed as clueless about the logistics as I was . So , we decided we would all sit tight until someone else came along who could help us become less clueless . Besides , they were really nice people . . . it was a pleasure to converse with them . A little after 6 : 00 , some more members of their party showed up , including the keynote speakers . The speakers introduced themselves as Tom and Michelle ( husband and wife ) , and their college - aged daughter , Liz . They all were very polite to me , although they seemed very surprised that I was planning to sit with them . They said they thought they had a whole table to themselves . . . but , whatever . . . We headed back to the table and I helped them move all their stuff to their assigned table . The lady who had been at my table when I arrived was not in good health and was using a walker and oxygen ; so , they needed a little help with moving her to the new table . I was happy to help . Their moving left me by myself ; no one else had yet shown up at my table . Annette and her husband had not yet shown up . . . they were assigned to the table next to mine , and their table was still empty . Annette had told me earlier that she would be in briefings right before the event ( since she was one of the four judges ) , so I was not surprised her table was empty at that point in time . Liz is a senior at the local university and is pursuing a career in art therapy . She wants to work specifically with abused and neglected children . The dad is a firefighter in the area and the mom works at one of the local child advocacy centers . Other speakers included two local radio personalities who are very outspoken advocates for child abuse prevention programs . They do a lot of fundraising on the radio for related causes . ( On a tangent note , they are from the radio station to which I listen exclusively . And , the backside of that radio station 's headquarters is almost adjacent to the backside of the building that houses my piano studio . From my studio , I can look out over the railroad tracks and see their back parking lot . I 've never met the two guys , but I would be able to see all the comings and goings that occur over there if I cared to watch . ) Two whole pages of the program were dedicated to the menus of the various chefs and their sponsoring restaurants and catering companies . The menus were impressive , to say the least . The chefs had to incorporate a " secret ingredient " into their menu , but they were not told what that ingredient was until a few days before the event . The program stated that the secret ingredient was coffee . . . In addition to the main course menus , there were appetizers and desserts . The appetizers were garlic bread and buffalo wings . The desserts included various flavors of cheesecake , chocolate creampuffs , raspberry - filled creampuffs , and cannoli 's . I hope you do someday write your story . . . I 've heard ( and have found to be true ) that one of the steps in healing is to create a cohesive narrative about our lives . . . what happened , how we reacted ( destructive behaviors ) , how we have worked towards healing , and how our lives have been affected during the entire process . Some people write it down , others carry it in their head . . . I guess whatever works ! A huge part of creating my cohesive narrative is to capture my journey on a blog ( Coming Out of the Trees ) . To - date , I 've published about 750 , 000 words in my blog . Telling my story in that way has been healing , as has being part of that on - line healing community . If you are interested , you are welcome to check it out - I write under the pen name of Marie : I had to laugh when you said you have been told you swim in deep waters too much . . . ah , yes . . . I 've been told that many times , too . I 've decided that I 'm better off staying in the deep end . . . the company is awesome ! I would love to get a cup of coffee ! I think you would be great company ( deep waters and all , LOL ) . Let me know when a good time would be . . . I usually have sizable blocks of time during the school day . This morning , I spent some time on the phone with Ramona , one of the clarinetists who will be part of the ensemble at the music teachers recital next month . I 'm not sure what the deal is with her . . . maybe she is technologically challenged ( she is of retirement age ) , maybe she marches to her own very unique drummer , maybe her thinking is inflexible , maybe she 's have issues with dementia . . . . I 'm not sure . She couldn 't understand how to access the pdf files and the audio files I had emailed to her . I tried walking her through the process , step - by - step , but she just could not follow my instructions . Finally , I was able to email her a single file - the music for just her part - and she was able to open and print it . Maybe the multiple attachments were confusing her . . . I 'm not sure . But , at any rate , she finally got her music printed . Why would a musician not want to at least get an idea of what the piece sounds like ? How will she know when she has the melody line and when she has harmony ? I don 't understand her resistance . . . So , I just let it all go . . . I didn 't insist that she listen to the audio file . . . I simply let her do " it " her way and I encouraged myself to embrace " what is " and " what will be " . . . whatever that may be . I didn 't attend the new group 's meeting last month , which was the first meeting of the new school year . So , when I showed up to this meeting , I was welcomed warmly by all the members . They repeatedly expressed to me that they are glad I am now officially part of the group . During the business meeting , they were asking for members to perform in the teachers recital at next month 's meeting . This recital is a very informal event . . . the members play for the other members whatever pieces they have been working on recently . Typically , no one from outside the group attends . It 's not expected that the pieces are to be performance ready . . . it 's just a fun , relaxed time of sharing . So , I checked with the lady who would be hosting the recital to see how many pianos she has in her studio . . . she has a grand , a studio upright , and a digital keyboard with a number of voices . Then , I started asking around to see who plays what instruments . . . I found one lady who plays clarinet and she suggested that I contact another teacher who plays clarinet but who was not at the meeting . . . . the guy coordinating the recital program said he could play the strings part on the digital keyboard . . . two other teachers said they would play the two piano parts . . . they all thought it was a cool idea and were very excited about being a part of it . So , after feeling down about the money stuff , this was a spirit lifter , for sure . I 'm even feeling hopeful around the CASA stuff . . . I have the sense that I will find a way to come up with the money I need to get me through the training period . . . I 'll find a way . . . I know I will . . . - - - - - I had hoped to find some time today to send a response to Lori 's email . But , my day has been a non - stop rush . So , this evening , I sent a quick email to her to let her know I received her wonderful and courageous email and that I would respond in a thoughtful manner on Friday ( the next time I will have enough free time to do so ) . I got a call from my CPA today . In previous years , I 've not had to pay taxes at tax time because of two reasons : 1 ) The taxes withheld from my school bus driving job have been more than enough to cover the taxes due for that job and for the income I make in my piano lessons business . 2 ) I 've not made much profit from the piano lessons business because the expenses have totaled almost as much as the revenue - it 's expensive to start up a business . I already knew I wouldn 't be getting a tax refund this year . And , I was expecting to have to pay some . But , the amount I figured I 'd need to pay would be something like $ 200 . . . That takes my breath away . . . I don 't know how I 'm going to come up with that much . . . I 'm already on a six - month extension for filing my taxes because my spring had been so busy and because I didn 't have the money to pay my CPA for preparing and filing my taxes . Because of the extension , I 'm already having to pay some late fees . . . the late fees will get worse as time passes . I should be paying estimated taxes each quarter , at the end of each quarter . But , I haven 't gotten ahead enough financially to do that . I 'm doing good to pay what I owe a year + later . . . I 'd have to catch up on about 18 months of taxes before I can start doing the quarterly payments . Also , there are some legal reasons why I should be paying quarterly taxes , and by doing things the way I 'm doing them , I 'm putting myself at risk for getting in trouble with the IRS . And I don 't think that is negotiable because I 'm afraid I 'll fall back into a suicidal position if I stop therapy . This is the first time since I was nine years old that I 'm not praying to die on a daily basis . I don 't feel like I 'm far enough out of the woods to be able to withstand not having therapy . Normally , my weekday evening schedule is so full that there is no way I could simply drop everything and go to a concert with only a three - hour notice . However , I had set aside an hour this evening for an " open house " chamber event . I knew I could get by with staying at the event for far less than an hour . . . I hadn 't heard back on the text message by the time Renee 's lesson ended and her step - mom , April , showed up to take her home . When April heard I was trying to rearrange my schedule to be able to go to the concert , she seemed surprised and very appreciative . I told her that I 'd text her when I knew for sure whether I 'd be there or not . Shortly after they left , I heard back on the text message . . . yes , they could reschedule to 5 : 40 . I sent a quick message to April letting her know I 'd be at the concert . Then , I followed the rearranged schedule : Fortunately , all three venues ( my studio , the concert and the chamber event ) were within a few blocks of each other . I didn 't have to waste much time on commuting . ( That 's a distinct advantage of living in a small town ! ) When I got to the school , I didn 't take a seat . . . I really didn 't want to stay for the whole concert ( three choirs ) , just Renee 's choir . I picked a spot to stand against the back wall . When I showed up , Renee 's choir ( 6th grade choir ) was already sitting on the stage even though the concert was still several minutes from starting . Renee and the girl sitting next to her saw me come in and they waved at me from the stage . Then , her dad and step - mom turned around in their seats and waved to me . I 'm glad they all saw that I had shown up . I think it is important they saw me . Her choir performed quite well ; I was impressed ! They finished and were off the stage by around 6 : 55 . At that point , I headed home as I had plenty of things on my " to do " list for the evening . Renee has very few adults who show up for her in a consistent and meaningful way . I 'm glad I could be one adult who cared enough to show up , at least this one time . She needs all the support she can get ! This evening , I was watching Dr . Drew 's talk show . He was talking about how his clients who have experienced trauma usually need to create a cohesive narrative around what happened as a part of their healing . It helps them put the pieces together and it helps them start making sense of it . He said it is a critical step in his clients ' healing journey . I realized that that 's what I 'm doing through therapy and especially through my blog . . . I 'm creating my own cohesive narrative . Obviously , there are still holes in the narrative , but I can see that my healing is furthest along in the areas for which I 've been able to create that cohesive narrative . I like that term . . . and I like the concept . I think I 'll keep it in my toolbox . Thanks so much for sharing your story with me . I love hearing people 's stories and consider it such an honor . Thanks for trusting me . I know it does not come easy ! I am overwhelmed at your resiliency and desire to heal and make a better life ! So many people would give up and be satisfied with a meager existence . You have so much courage ! Also , you do a truly wonderful job with the kids . It is amazing to see that something that introduced you to so much pain can also be a tool of blessing to others and healing as well ! If you ever want to chat or grab a cup of coffee , I would love to ! I hate surface - y friendships as well ! My husband says I swim in deep waters too often and I should come hang out in the shallow end . Although he is not shallow ! I just have a busy brain like my daughter ! : ) How neat ! It would be neat to have a friendship with someone with whom I share a similar history . . . someone who really understands what it is like to walk in my shoes . I 'm sure that they both already know that when someone holds you , you can hear his heartbeat . . . because I 'm sure he cuddles with his daughter and wife . I 'm sure they both already know what it is like to feel safe and comforted while being held . I 'm certain that Edward makes sure they have that experience on a regular basis . I am glad for them . . . truly I am . And , I am sad for myself . And , I 'm a bit jealous . I don 't want to be jealous , but I am . One of the parents of one of my younger students is a CASA for the next county over from mine . A week or two ago , I asked her ( Annette ) if she would be a reference for me on my CASA application . She said she would be delighted to be a reference . She was so excited that I 'm going to become a CASA . . . she said I would be a perfect fit for the position . Well , it turns out that there is a huge fund raiser for the CASA organization and other similar / related organizations coming up this Saturday evening . It is a " top chef " event where a bunch of chefs and their crews prepare food for the event attendees and the attendees get to vote for their favorite chef . There will also be a panel of judges selecting the " top chef " , and Annette is one of the judges . Annette and her husband purchased a whole table of seats , and because she is a judge , the table is located right up at the front of the venue . Now , purchasing a whole table of seats is not a small deal . . . I think the tickets are something like $ 50 a seat , or maybe more . And , there are like nine seats per table , I think . So , that 's a considerable amount to spend . I contacted Cindy ( the paramedic ) and I contacted one other parent with whom I 've developed a friendship . Neither of those ladies could go . So , I guess I 'm going stag . . . which doesn 't bother me one bit as I 'm rather used to showing up places by myself . It 's a comfortable zone for me . So , those are my big plans for Saturday evening . . . guess I 'll have to go dig in my closet for fancy clothes . . . it is a " dress to the nines " event . . . not sure what I have that I can wear . . . guess I have a few days to figure it out . . . I think it 's going to be a blast ! I 'm really looking forward to it ! One of my students has some unusual learning challenges . The experts have been unable to map his disability to a particular disorder . He has the sensory overload issues - including a low ability to focus in on one specific stimuli while tuning out others . So , that part of the disorder is similar to what kids with autism experience . However , he has none of the interpersonal challenges and behaviors that are usually seen with autism . . . it 's clear that he is not on the autism spectrum . But , the experts really don 't know what is going on with him . I have been working with him despite the fact he is only four years old . The earliest I normally will start lessons with a child is age six . However , I believe there are some developmental benefits that music will provide for this little guy that will be critical at this point in his development . His mom , Lori , was referred to me by some other parents specifically because they felt I could help this little boy with his development of certain skills . I agreed to work with him to see if I could help him . I did some informal testing with him to find out which of his music - related skills are already strong and which components of his learning ability are lagging . It turns out that he is very sensitive to color , including the various shades and tones of each color . His color - related vocabulary is incredibly impressive . When it comes to numbers , he can associate a number he hears spoken out loud with a specific finger or number of beats . However , if I ask him to write down the number of the finger I 'm holding up , he is unable to do that . If I write down a number and ask him to play a note that many times , he is unable to do that . However , if we do the same things using just our voices and our ears , he is easily able to do those exercises . All the kids in his family are home schooled . So , I was surprised when Lori told me she was not aware that the break - down in his comprehension of numbers is in the visual component while his auditory abilities are very strong . She wanted me to explain how I had tested for that so she could do further testing at home . Of course , I showed her . She was grateful to have that information . Anyway , I have been pondering how to best set up a learning system for him . Obviously , we should use his auditory skills as a pathway for teaching him new material . And , we should use color coding to enhance the visual aspects of reading music . This week , at some point in my pondering , I remembered a color - coded learning system I developed several years ago for my autistic student , Matt . The system did not worked well for Matt because Matt 's perfect pitch over - rode the color - coded pathway of learning . Once I knew the system was not going to work for Matt , I stuck it on a shelf and didn 't use it again . . . until now . I 'm betting that the system I created for Matt will be ideal for this little guy . Today , at his lesson , I showed it to him . He fell in love with the color coding and was able to immediately start playing the songs , almost without mistake . He was so excited because he loves music and he has been wanting to play " real " songs on the piano for a long time like his siblings . He almost couldn 't sit still long enough to play a song because he was so excited . Both his mom and I were awestruck and we both were fighting back tears . . . He was in a world of his own , playing song after song . . . he didn 't need our help . . . at least not for a few minutes . . . so , Lori and I sat back and visited a little bit . She asked me what education or training had taught me how to figure this stuff out for my students ( she was wanting to know if the training would be available to her ) . . . I hesitated a bit before I answered . . . That made Lori all the more curious and she started asking me a million questions about how I ended up as a piano teacher . The conversation started getting into territory that was not appropriate for young ears . So , I asked Lori if she was pretty open - minded . . . if much shocked her . . . she said that very little shocks her and that she is very open - minded . . . that , as a pastor 's wife , she has been exposed to more than I could imagine . I offered to email my story to her , including the parts I felt I couldn 't discuss while the kids were nearby . She said that would be great . So , this afternoon , I sent her the 13 - page document that summarizes my story . Me : I would like . . . ( sob ) . . . I want you to . . . I would like for you to move closer to me . . . I want to feel safe . . . with you . . . ( He cautiously moved over to the couch and sat down to the right of me with about an arm 's length between us . I remained up against the arm of the couch , sitting up very straight , my body rigidly facing forward with both hands on my knees . . . I could hardly bear to turn my head to look at him . . . ) ( I could feel a sense of panic coming over me . . . I was desperately afraid of what would happen if I told him what I really wanted . . . I desperately wanted to tell him anyway . . . I pulled together as much courage as I possessed . . . ) How can I possibly find the words to explain that I don 't have the faintest idea how to have physical contact with a man without there being a sexual component to my behavior ? If I screw this up - if I do something that causes Edward to think I 'm coming onto him - I 'll lose the one relationship that is giving me hope . I can 't afford to screw this up . Me : Like ( sob ) . . . I don 't where to put my body . . . where does my head go ? Where do my shoulder and arm go ? I 've never done this before . . . I need you to help me figure it out . Edward had been sitting up straight . His posture felt so " formal " to me that I felt I would have had to also sit up straight , which meant , in order to have physical contact with him , I would have had to scoot my entire trunk close to him . I was overwhelmed by the idea of that much of our bodies touching . As if he read my mind , Edward scooted his buttocks closer to the front of the couch - just a tad - so that he was slouching a little bit . He kept his arm on the back of the couch while he turned his knees towards me a little so there was a scooped - out cubbyhole place for me . Because he was now slouching slightly , it would be possible for me to keep the lower half of my body a ways away from him as I leaned the upper part of my body in towards him . I had been keeping my left hand on my face - covering my mouth when I sobbed , covering my eyes when a new wave of emotion hit . I kept my hand on my face as I took another deep breath and carefully scooted my way towards him . I closed half of the gap between us with my lower body . Then , I kind of fell over sideways , in towards him , and put my head on his chest while supporting most of my weight on my right elbow . He weighs a lot less than I do and I was afraid I would squash him if I put my weight on him . I ended up halfway lying down , halfway sitting up . The only part of me that had contact with him was the right side of my face and my right neck / shoulder . It was an awkward position , to say the least . As soon as I got into that position , big , loud sobs tore out of my body - I continued to cover my mouth with my hand as each sob escaped . Edward put his left arm and hand on my left shoulder . He patted my shoulder a few times , then lightly rubbed his fingertips in small circles on my shoulder . . . I heard him say , " It 's okay . . . you 're safe , little girl . . . it 's okay to cry . . . go ahead and let all those emotions come out . . . I 'm protecting you . . . I have you . . . you are safe . . . " That brought fresh sobs . Within a couple of minutes , I felt the terror drain out of me . A sense of peace and safety moved in , all over my body . My breathing eased up . . . I felt my spirit move further into the core of my physical body . . . I became aware of the vitality of Edward 's body . . . in my " feeling safe " fantasies , the man 's body always has a quality of inanimateness . . . I was surprised at how alive and real - although relatively cool - Edward 's body felt . . . I was clearly aware that he is a physically separate being with his own will and autonomous movement , rather than an enmeshed figment of my imagination . In my fantasies , the men have to follow the dictates of my fantasy . They have no free will . And , they always disappear into thin air when I get to the part where I want them to hold me in a safe way . They disappear and I 'm left behind , stuck in my place of terror . Yet , here , in real life , Edward was holding me . . . for real . He 's very much alive , he very much was freely choosing to engage with me in this way . He didn 't disappear . ( Edward laughed a little - I could hear his breath and his laugh through his chest . We sat like that for maybe three or four minutes ( or less ? It was so hard to measure time in that situation , it moved so slowly ) . . . until the fear I might overstay my welcome became too intense for me and I sat up . As soon as I sat up , he moved back to his chair - I think he could sense that I needed space again . We settled back into our respective spaces . . . and I realized I had snot running down my face . . . ) Me : I 'm feeling pretty calm . . . settled . . . I would say that there is a sense of completion , to a significant degree . I 'm not in that fragile place I was in when I walked in here this morning . Then , we said our good - byes . . . Edward asked me to call him later in the day to let him know how I was doing . He said he was concerned about me , given the intensity of the session . I promised him I would do so . And that wrapped up our session . I packed up my stuff . As I walked towards his office door , he asked if I would like a hug - of course I wanted one ! Then , I headed out into the daylight . . . ( I focused in on my senses . . . how did I know he was coming . . . could I hear his boots on the floor ? Wait . . . was there carpet on the floor or did we have hardwood floors . . . ? ? Maybe it isn 't something I hear . . . maybe I can just feel the energy of his body getting closer . . . ) ( I nodded my head in acknowledgement . . . then I refocused my attention back to my body memories . . . I kept trying to feel what would happen next , but things kept going fuzzy and gray . . . I 'd back up and try again . . . the same thing would happen again . . . again and again . . . until my ability to remain connected with my body dissolved and I started floating . . . I felt my body slide down even further into the corner of the couch , into the fetal position with my head on the arm of the couch . . . I was trying to become as small as possible . . . ) Me : ( Letting out a groan ) I 'm not sure . . . I can 't remember what happens . . . I mean , I have little snippets of memory captured from a distance , but I can 't remember the details of what happens next . I 'm fighting to stay here , but I 've gone a little bit numb . . . I 'm floating a little bit . ( I spent the next few minutes with my eyes closed , trying to ground myself again . I felt the tension start to drain out of my body . My body went limp . I was so tired . . . I knew I needed to say something to Edward . . . check back in with him . . . ) Me : No , I 'm alone . . . I 'm in the time afterward . . . it 's all over . . . it 's the time after . I 'm trying to pull the pieces of myself back together again - I 'm trying to find all the pieces . Me : No . . . I can 't remember that part . . . I kind of skipped over it just now and fast - forwarded to the time afterward . . . the main part of what happened didn 't get recorded in my memory , I guess . Me : I 'm just numb - or I want to go numb . I don 't really want to pull myself together . . . it is less painful to stay in my room . . . to be numb . . . I only pull myself together and go out to be with my family when I am commanded to do so . Me : ( With another wave of sad tears ) I want to go nowhere . . . I don 't want to run away ; rather , I don 't want to " be " at all . . . I 'm sorry . . . I can 't play your game with you . . . I don 't want to run away . . . I want to die . Edward : Oh . . . okay . That 's okay . . . you don 't have to be playful . There is space here for you to feel the pain of wanting to die . . . If I die - or if I didn 't exist at all - I wouldn 't have to experience the pain . I wouldn 't have to experience anything - good or bad . I 'd rather feel nothing than to experience what I 'm experiencing . ( That comment struck me hard . . . and I started going through the list of people who might have provided that comfort . . . my mom ? No , she was a source of abuse , not a source of comfort . My sister ? No , she would rather get me into trouble and then rub my nose in it . . . and there was no one else around . . . ) ( That took my breath away . . . I did want him to do that . . . I wanted him to hold me and comfort me . . . but . . . that 's only a fantasy . . . but maybe not . . . I decided to say " yes " and see what happens . . . I nodded my head . . . ) I 've never acted on that . . . but now , my need for that kind of physical contact with him was unbearably strong . I decided to ask for that kind of contact . . . I took a deep breath and tried to form the words . . . I couldn 't . . . I took another deep breath . . . another . . . Edward watched me with concern as I struggled to speak . . . ( As I struggled to control the arrival of new tears , I told him about my efforts to build my tolerance of the heavy feelings and about this morning 's flood of body memories . At some point in my monologue , I noticed that Edward was sitting on the front edge of his chair , leaning forward towards me . I was comforted by him being just that little bit closer to me . ) Me : I don 't really know where this is coming from . . . I don 't know if it has to do with the sexual abuse or from my dad . . . I can 't pull up any specific memories associated with the feelings in my body . ( When I thought about using words to express what I was feeling , I was hit with a sense of paralysis . I froze up . It 's all I could do to shake my head and whisper , " No " ) Edward : Good . . . you 're being so brave . . . I 'm here with you , you are safe . . . I 'm right here with you , protecting you . . . you 're doing well . . . Me : I 'm feeling waves of terror . . . I get a burst of adrenaline , my heart starts racing . . . I feel like I can 't get enough air . . . I closed my eyes and tried to listen to my body . . . to gather the information I needed in order to answer his question . . . but , I couldn 't find the answer . I felt anger rise up . I buried my face in my hand as a couple of sobs escaped . I heard Edward moving around in his chair - I didn 't open my eyes , but it sounded like he was leaning forward in his chair , as he had been before . I was glad . I needed him close . So , to answer your question . . . I don 't feel like I 'm choking . . . I can get air in and out . . . it 's more like the air is thick . . . I can 't get enough oxygen . . . I can get enough air but the air doesn 't have enough oxygen so I have breath heavily in order to get enough oxygen . I 'm trying to be as quiet as possible . . . I 'm trying to hear what 's happening in the main part of the house . . . so maybe they will forget about me and nothing bad will happen . . . I 'm trying to determine my dad 's mood . . . if I hear him ask where I 'm at , then I know it 's going to be bad . |
This is my journey . It is full of twists and turns , ups and downs . It is worth it for the lasting change it brings . I hope my journey will help others find their own path . Back when I learned that the hip surgery was going to have to be earlier than anticipated . I selected today as the day to be back to myself . I thought by today , I would be finished with PT and that other than a few remaining tweaks , I 'd be back to myself . I was mostly right . I 'm not finished with therapy . I didn 't anticipate starting late because I was so weak , nor a week off due to the holiday . I have four sessions left , two this week and two next . Hopefully , then I will be able to drive . I 've shed most of the hip related accommodations . I still have the sock aid , and the toilet raiser at home . I am still taking the cane in public both as an aid to me and a warning to others . At home , I hardly use the cane at all . Today , I walked to the mailbox and back . I took the cane to help me get up the stairs . It is great . I am glad that I was able to get so close to the goal I set for myself . But , it has not been easy . Even this morning , I had to really give myself a lot of positive self talk just to get out of the bed . It was dreary and rainy and the days of me being able to lay in the bed whenever I want are drawing to a close . I knew though , that if I didn 't get up and get on the Wii as I had told myself last night , today would be a washout . I got up and weighed on the Wii . I only did the body test part because I do have therapy this afternoon and I didn 't want to overdo ! I 'm also getting back with the water drinking and food monitoring . I 'm not going to say weight loss plan just yet . We have too much food that isn 't on any one 's nutritious food plan . Still , without my pain meds killing my appetite , I need to be careful about my intake . I 'm hoping by easing back in to things , the transition won 't be so abrupt or difficult . So far , it is great ! Posted by We had a very nice day yesterday celebrating Thanksgiving . The weather was perfect . We even had the doors and windows open to let in the fresh air . We ate at my sister 's house . Both her sons and their wives were there along with her grandchildren , and with various other friends and extended family . I knew that we would have a good time . We always do , but Wednesday night I cried because there will not be a time during all of the holiday season this year that the whole family will be together . I intend to show up at everything and I know it will be fun . It just isn 't the same without everyone . I 'm not so sad for me but for the ones not there that miss out . I want to remember two especially fun and funny events from yesterday . So , I am recording them here . My nieces were dressed in adorable brown dresses that were alike but not matchy - matchy . Both dresses had turkeys appliqued on them and they both looked precious . The older niece ( N1 ) who finally has hair had a cute bow in her hair . The 10 month old ( N2 ) is still adorably bald . ( It is hard when I don 't have permission to use names ! ) N1 and I were playing after we 'd eaten . The bow fell out of her hair . I told her I 'd put it back in but she was too busy with her games to bother with that . So , I handed the bow to 65MD . He decided to put it in his hair . He just clipped it on top of his head , and didn 't say anything . He just waited for N1 to notice . When she did , she laughed so hard she could hardly stand up . She then had to tell everyone in the house individually , that Pop had a bow on his head . Then she decided that Daddy needed to put the bow on his head . Then Uncle D . Then Nanny . Then Lolli , etc . It got funnier every time . We were all laughing like we hadn 't laughed in a long time . It was , indeed , hilarious . Pop might just have to start wearing bows whenever he is around N1 . Later , N1 decided that she wanted to " sing the pokey - pokey " which translated is " hokey - pokey " although I 'm not sure about the spelling . We are very loose with the hokey pokey . We don 't say left or right . We just say put your hand or foot in and out . Our verses are : hand , foot , head , and whole self . We sing those verses over and over . N2 was in the room sitting in my mother 's lap when we started . I actually do not participate in all of the movements just yet . It is OK for me just to sing while N1 prances around . She mostly does the ' turn yourself about ' part anyway . And the clapping . When I started to sing , N2 began to lean back & forth to the rhythm and we thought that was cute . When I started singing the ' head ' verse , she put those fat , little baby hands on her bald head and clapped at the end of the verse . We all thought it was adorable and that she must be very advanced for her age to do the hokey pokey . Just to be sure , I sang that verse again . Once again , she kept the beat , put her hands on her head and clapped at the end . This time she even sang a bit . I wound up singing that verse about 10 times . EVERY time , she put her hands on her head and clapped at the end , while she sang along . She wouldn 't do the other verses . She had no interest in putting her hands or feet in , only her head . We called the others in to watch and she would perform on cue , except for when her mother was watching . Even when her mother was hiding , which we couldn 't quite figure out but agree it has to do with extremely high intelligence ! ! It was a blast . I can 't wait to see her again and she if she still wants to ' put head in ' or not . I hope everyone has a wonderful time with family and / or friends tomorrow . I 've had a good week . 65MD has been off from work all week . He started laying tile ! I got my hair done and no PT this week . Family starts arriving tomorrow afternoon , so we will have a late meal together . Most everyone will stay through Monday , so I won 't be around much . This will be my first time seeing our newest family member . He or she is still inside Mommy . Maybe we 'll find out if we 'll be getting another girl or a boy . My feeling is girl . My almost 3 year old niece was in a Thanksgiving production at her school last night . Wild horses could not have kept me from that performance . It was my first outing that was not medically related since surgery . It totally knocked the stuffing out of me but that is not the point of this post . I haven 't seen my baby nieces since before surgery . I was missing them a lot . I 'd been in touch with their mother . She was concerned that they might hurt me somehow . I assured her that if they bumped the incision it might cause pain for a while , but it would not do any damage . Still , she was cautious . When she mentioned that the nearly 3 year old was asking for me , I could hardly wait to see her . We happened to arrive at the same time so we met in the parking lot . 65MD expected tears from both me and the toddler but we managed to keep it together . I had taken my walker since I knew there would be lots of little ones around and thought it would be safer . My little one decided she 'd like a ride to the door . Of course , I accommodated her and she rode on the walker to the door . When we got into the auditorium , she was to sit with her class until after her performance . Then she could come sit with family . She decided to forgo the performance and just sit with me . Oopsie . If I 'd realized that , I would have made myself scarce until her class had sung . Who knew ? My sister sat with her and her classmates until performance time . Then she had to carry her to the stage and put her on the stage . She would not sing , nor would she wear her cute little turkey headdress . In fact , standing there was too much for her . She sat down and waited as patiently as she could for everyone else to finish . Then she made a beeline for the family . After the last class performed , we all had dinner together . My niece insisted on sitting next to me . I had gotten a brownie for dessert . Her dad had filled her plate and did not get her any dessert . As we were eating , I noticed that she pulled the brownie over in front of her . We all did . She wasn 't trying to be sneaky . She just wanted the brownie . Her dad told her it was mine and to give it back . I said that was OK . She could have it and I would get another one . It was actually a pretty large serving and I thought we might share it . Nope . That child ate the whole thing . It must have been good too because she wanted another one . I wanted one too , or at least a bite or two . We went to the dessert table and there were no more brownies like those . She opted for a mini pumpkin cupcake with cream cheese swirl on the top . I got a cherry danish that looked good . When we got back to the table . She wanted both . I took one bite of the danish and didn 't even want to swallow . It was not good at all . I gladly gave it to her . She only wanted one bite too . We also shared the cream cheese swirl on the cupcake . Neither one of us wanted the cupcake only the cream cheese part . Her dad thought she 'd had plenty of dessert at this point . As did I , but she disagreed so back to the dessert table we went . There were still no brownies , but there was some chocolate bundt type cake there . She picked up a slice and took a bite . It wasn 't what she wanted so she put it back and picked up another slice and did the same thing before I could get to her . Our minister was standing there watching and laughing . He said it was the best thing he 'd seen all week . Truth be told , I thought it was pretty funny too . Of course , I had to tell her that we couldn 't do that here . I grabbed the ' tasted ' slices of cake and tossed them in the trash . She continued to look at the desserts but could not find one to her satisfaction . I realized then , that she was looking for another brownie . They were gone . She tried a chocolate chip cookie and a couple of mini pecan pie tarts before giving up . Her grandfather finished those off for her , along with the cherry thing and the pumpkin cupcake ! All in all , it was a wonderful evening . We got to be together and she saved me from the brownie . Instead , I just had a few bites of dessert and that was enough . Oddly , my weight was down this morning . I am finally just 1 . 8 pounds over pre - op weight . I was the surgeon yesterday . He was very pleased with my progress . He said my job now is to get stronger . He agreed with the therapist that I need more sessions . I didn 't cry this time . I 've made peace with that . I won 't have any next week because it is a short week and we just couldn 't get our schedules together . Beginning the next week , I will have two session per week for two weeks . That really isn 't so bad . Currently , my last session is scheduled for December 11 . At that time , I 'll have another evaluation and know if I 'll need more or if I am released . I 've decided to make the best of it . The only real limitation this puts on me is that I can 't drive . And , since I don 't like driving , that isn 't a bad thing ! I have a hair appointment between now and December 11 . I mentioned this during the sob - fest in the car on Monday . Of course , 65MD would have said anything to make me stop crying and he said he 'd take me to my hair appointment ! ! ! I might not hold him to it , but I will get my hair done . I can 't drive because I am still on pain medicine . The dosage has been dropped down , but as long as I am going to therapy , the medical community believes that prescription strength pain medicine is required . I can 't say that I disagree . So , as long as I am on pain medication , I can take naps any time I want . I have an easy out for any slip of the tongue , memory lapse , typo , etc . I even think that I am exempt from housework and cooking . I just might get used to this . Posted by I had a wonderful weekend . I walked around the house without my cane whenever 65MD was in the house . I cut back on pain meds and gave serious thought to stopping completely . I had a real glimpse of what life is going to be like when all of this is behind me . I went to bed Sunday night thinking of the blog I would write on Monday . It was quite witty and well written . It was all about exercise , eating & water , and how I 'd managed those things while I was recuperating , my transition plan and how I saw them going forward once I was fully recovered . Then I woke up Monday morning . Oh my ! 65MD convinced me to take half of a pain pill before bed . I am glad he did or we might have been in the ER ! I woke up at 2 : 00 am hurting , so I took the other half . I don 't know what I was thinking . I should have taken a whole one then . Clearly , I didn 't blog yesterday . If it hadn 't been for PT , I wouldn 't have left the house . I hardly left my little nest . 65MD has made me a very cozy little place to rest during the day , that we 've taken to calling my nest . By the time to go to therapy , the pain had diminished but was still very much there . This was my evaluation as I see the surgeon tomorrow . My therapist told me several visits ago that I might not need any extra time . Yesterday 's visit proved that to be untrue . She took the measures to send to the doctor but I knew I was not making the marks I needed to . One one measure , she kept asking me to push just a little harder . I knew I must have been close to the mark she was wanting . I just couldn 't do it . The pain had come roaring back and I could not push through . I knew she was going to have to tell me that she was recommending more sessions . I let her off the hook . I told her I was OK with the extra time and even smiled as I told her I 'd call and make more appointments after checking the schedules of my PT ' taxi ' drivers . As we got in the car , I told 65 the news . I was a little surprised that not one tear slipped out . I thought my voice would crack or something . It didn 't . He sighed and started to say something encouraging , and I burst into sobs . Something about that sigh broke me . The dam burst and I sat in the car sobbing like someone had died . I 'm talking deep gut wrenching sobs . Poor 65MD , was trying to comfort me but couldn 't quite figure out how to since we were both in the car . He finally just patted my leg over & over . We had planned to go out to eat since he had a BOGO coupon from a place we really like . We were going to stop by my mother 's with some boxes while we were out too . I guess , grasping for something to say , he suggested that we just go home . And , of course , it would make sense that I would not want to be running around town while I was hysterical . But , I said no . I said , I was not going to let this setback defeat me . We were going . I secretly decided that I was going to order dessert . Probably something creamy , like ice cream or better yet a warm brownie with ice cream on it . Yes , I was going to order dessert . I deserved it . We went by my mother 's . She came out to the car , so we didn 't even get out . She knew this was evaluation day and was eager to get the news . 65MD jumped in and told her so I wouldn 't have to . She was disappointed for me , but didn 't seem to be upset by it . We went to eat . I got full before I finished my meal and then I did not like any of the dessert options . There was no warm brownie with ice cream . There was no ice cream at all ! I confessed my secret to 65MD . He said I could have gotten dessert , but perhaps this was a sign that it was an emotional response and I would enjoy dessert more another time . He was right . I am better today . Not in so much pain , because I 'm back taking my medication . And , I have a nice post about how I 'm going to lose these last two post - op pounds and then move on to a more aggressive plan to get to my goal weight , all ready to go in my mind , when it is time . No brownies with ice cream are included . So yesterday the laundry issue became bigger than life . I had to do something about all of those clothes piled up on the dryer . Not to mention the dirty clothes that were piling up in the bathroom closet . I knew that I could fold clothes , even on high doses of percocet . That is a fairly low impact thing to do . I could sit on the bed and fold clothes . My biggest issue was getting the clothes from the laundry room to the bedroom . I 'm using the cane , so my right hand is occupied with that , leaving only my left hand to carry stuff . I have taken to wearing a smock around the house because it has nice large pockets and I can carry stuff that way . That wasn 't going to work with the laundry . My house isn 't that big , but I was not willing to make the number of trips necessary to carry those clothes in my left hand and / or smock pockets to get them from the laundry room to the bedroom . I hit upon a wonderful idea though . I put the laundry basket on the walker so that it could be used like a scooter to transport the clothes . First , I dumped the clean clothes from the basket on to the bed . Then I got the reachers / grabbers / whatever those things are called , and got the dirties from the bathroom closet floor to transport to the laundry room . I was very careful to keep the weight of the clothes to the front so that the basket didn 't topple over . ( OK , it toppled over several times before I figured that part out . I am on percocet ! ) I got to the laundry room and encountered a small problem . The walker would not fit . Let me take a moment to define " laundry room " so that there is no confusion . We keep the washer and dryer in that room so we feel justified in using the term but it is not 100 % descriptive . We also keep cleaning supplies , wrapping paper , a refrigerator , some food staples and just about everything else we want to keep in the house but don 't quite know where to put . Calling the room the laundry / cleaning supply / wrapping paper / refrigerator / food / everything else room would just take too much time and I 'd forget why I was even mentioning said room to begin with . Also , the washer and dryer fit snugly against the back wall . These are not those lovely washer / dryer combos seen on TV in those wonderfully large rooms that are probably bigger than my living room . Think scratch and dent specials that aren 't even the same color , in a room crammed with everything imaginable . I mean really , every time we can 't find something , we ask " Did you look in the laundry room ? " So , it was no surprise that the walker would not fit , especially now that it had been retrofitted with a laundry basket . I am nothing , if not a problem solver . The percocet helps with that . I just backed in to the laundry room pulling the walker as far as it would go . Oh , and I should add at this point that the laundry room was added on to the house . It is not part of the original structure . That makes the threshold into the room a little wonky and I had to give the walker a good tug to get it over that . Once , I was sure the walker was as far in as I could get it thus saving me and my new hip precious steps , I put the dirty clothes in the washer . Then , I piled the clean clothes in the basket keeping it nicely balanced . The plan at this point was to take the clean clothes and pile them on the bed with the others and then lay down with them until it was time to move the clean clothes to the dryer . This was just a little more than I bargained for . Only there was one small problem . . The walker was stuck . It would not move . No way no how . I had a real problem because in my zeal to get the clothes done and glorying in my lovely invention , I had not put a phone in my smock pocket . I could not call for help . I had the grabber thingies but I could not reach the phone from that distance . Even if I could , who would I call ? Was this important enough to call 65MD home from work ? I could call my mother but I was pretty sure the door was locked . If she could even get in could she unwedge the walker ? I feared I was stuck in the laundry room until 65MD got home from work . There is a window . I could open it and scream for help . Were the neighbors even home ? What if they heard a woman screaming and called 911 ? That would be majorly embarrassing . No , I was left to my own devices to get out . I had to get out . There was no place to sit and I needed to sit . I could lay in the floor . There was probably enough space for me to curl up . There were a couple of problems though : 1 . How would I get down ? 2 . How would I get back up ? Then , I wasn 't sure if it would be comfortable . What time was it anyway ? How long before 65MD came home ? If he called or emailed and I didn 't respond maybe he would realize I was in grave danger and come rescue me . Fat chance . I was on my own . I jiggled , jimmied and jammed . I shoved the grabber things all around the edges of the walker to see what was hanging it up . How in the world could it go in and not come back out ? I finally mustered all of my strength and shoved the walker as hard as I could while trying to lift it . It finally broke free and I did not go sprawling with it . Plus , I think those marks on the door jamb add character to an old house . I made a beeline for the bed . I don 't know how long I rested , but I had a nice long lay about . I went back to the laundry room sans walker to move the clothes to the dryer . Luckily , it was a small load and when it was time to take them from the dryer , I left the walker in the kitchen and I was able to gather up the newly clean clothes in just a couple of trips . After another rest , I folded all of the clothes . By the time 65MD came home . My clothes were folded and put away . His were folded and piled neatly ( I 'm on percocet so interpret that loosely ) in a chair . The towels and wash clothes were on the walker but not in the basket , I had put that away , ready to go to the linen closet . The first thing 65MD did after greeting me was to wheel the walker out of the room . He went towards the bathroom . Wow ! I still needed rest so I stayed in the bed . I heard noises coming from the kitchen and figured he was getting something together to reheat for our supper and I continued to rest . When I got up sometime later , I found the walker in the hallway with the linens still on it , just outside the bathroom door . I chuckled to myself and went on into the kitchen to see what was for supper . I found nothing to eat , but all of those groceries that I mentioned that didn 't quite get put away , were gone . So were all of the clean dishes that were near their homes . I went straight to the walker and put the towels away ! As we were going to bed last night , I noticed that 65MD 's clothes were still in the chair . I told him they were his clothes , and he said he 'd noticed them but didn 't realize they were his . ( Making me think that perhaps they weren 't quite as neatly folded and stacked as I thought . ) This morning when I got up they were gone . He must have needed some clean underwear . I found the clothes later right next to the dresser where he keeps them . My therapist told me yesterday that Monday would likely be my last session . At this point , she sees no reason for me to continue . I see the surgeon on Wednesday and she thinks he will agree . If so , I 'll be doing therapy on my own at home and will go back for x - rays periodically for a year . In my mind , once therapy and this appointment are over ( and go as expected ) , I will be largely over surgery . My biggest issue right now is the incision . 65MD calls is leprosy . It is ugly to say the least . The blisters from the reaction to the tape turned into red sores which have dried and are flaking off . TMI , I know . It is still quite sore . I 'm still not real happy when something touches it . I still have a way to go in several areas before I consider myself ' well ' but mentally , I am over a huge hurdle . I have cleared my calendar as much as possible through the end of the year . It will probably take me that long to get my stamina back . Now , I am wondering what to tackle first . I 've been working and have managed to clear through that minor backlog . Now , I am thinking about laundry or the kitchen , or cooking . I am NOT knocking 65MD at all ! He has shouldered a huge burden these past few weeks and has done a magnificent job . No one could keep up with what he has tried to do . Yet , the house is a disaster . Of course it is the easiest thing to let go . I totally get that . I would have done the same thing . It started in the laundry room . He would wash a load of clothes and pull out what we needed . The rest would get piled up on the dryer . No problem . Close the door . No one goes in there anyway . Only now there is about 4 weeks of stuff piled willy - nilly in there . Probably more than I can tackle right now . He 's done a fine job of loading the dishwasher and running it . He has the same philosophy with the dishwasher as the dryer . Just get out what is needed and worry about the rest later . He 's had to actually empty it a time or two to load it with the dirty dishes that have piled up , only stuff doesn 't actually get put away . Stuff just gets put on the counter close to the cabinet it goes in . I get it . Everything can 't get done . He went to the grocery store yesterday . He did a fabulous job there . No strange things like 10 cans of chili starter this time ! Once again , he just took the stuff out of the bags and put it near where it is kept . Actually opening the door and putting the item away is too much . I think the place for me to start is resting in the bed and contemplating a little more . After all , I need to pace myself and I 've written this whole post . Right ? ? ? ? Plus , food is being delivered tomorrow . I don 't need to cook . Not much to share . I 'm making progress in PT . I gave up the walker yesterday and am now using a cane . That is mostly for stability while I regain some stamina . It is a very good thing . My weight is still floating around 2 to 3 pounds over pre - op . I 'm not really trying to do anything about it though . We 're still eating food that is brought by friends and family , with a little take out here & there . My exercise is PT , which is actually a pretty good workout . I started back working yesterday . I hadn 't really not worked except the days in the hospital when I was largely disconnected . Even though , I 'd put the word out that I was having surgery and would be out of commission for a while , those emails kept coming . I 'd even put a vacation responder . I think people thought they 'd just email me and I could respond when I was up to it . Since I don 't like having stuff hanging over my head , I responded to most emails as they arrived . Yesterday was the day I started initiating emails , calls . etc . Anyone remember the floor ? The bedroom redo that we started over spring break ? Anyone ? ? ? 65MD actually said that he thought he might get back to that over Thanksgiving . I 'm not holding my breath , but at least the subject has come back up ! ! ! My next challenge is finding something to wear below the waist that doesn 't hurt . Anything touching that incision at all , hurts ! Around the house , I 've been wearing long shirts and nothing below the waist . I have some giant shorts from last time , that I 've worn to PT . Now , the weather has turned on me and I need to have my legs covered . I tried some old nylon pants of 65MD 's they are loose enough but when they touch the incision they really hurt . I put on some soft stretch pants hoping the softer fabric would be the answer . It isn 't . Now , I 'm back to the giant shorts and turning up the heat . See ? Not much to say . I really appreciate everyone checking in on me . I especially appreciate the supportive comments and emails . I think it helps with the healing . I was heartened to read that . I am a very healthy person . Two of the three , will resolve themselves in time - THR & menopause . I will help them along , of course , with PT in the case of THR and dealing with the symptoms of menopause as they arise . That only leaves me with obesity to deal with . And we all know that is easier said than done . Somehow , though , knowing that is my only issue , makes it seem so much more manageable . I think I 'd become so focused on my hips and all of the issues surrounding it , wellness seemed so far out of reach . Now , all I have to do is lose weight , and I will have no ongoing issues . Back to the weight , I have stalled out at between 2 and 3 pounds to go with getting to my pre - op weight . I knew that I would stall out eventually . I just hoped it wouldn 't be until I got below pre - op . Today , in therapy , I had the therapist that helped flush out so much fluid last week . Before I could say anything about stalling out , she told me not be be concerned if I stopped losing and gained a pound or two . She reminded me that I was rebuilding those cut muscles and that would offset any other losses , fluid or fat . I was glad to know that as well because that is indeed what has happened and my intake has not increased . For once , I 'll be glad with a stall on the scales and maybe not get upset about an uptick ! She also tried to work some of the remaining fluid out . I 've been thirsty today , so she may have done it again . I 'll have to let my clothes tell me this time , since the scales won 't . Posted by I have now lost 11 pounds since Friday . My skin does not feel as though it might pop , still there is excess fluid . My pants are still tighter than I like for them to be . Yesterday , my mother came to help me get dressed for PT . She commented that I looked smaller . I know she wouldn 't just lie to me , and I also know that she wants to make me feel good . She was right though , the scales were down again . Now , is the time that I need to be extra careful . My appetite has returned but my ability to move normally has not . I 'm still having a high level of pain and tripping in the kitchen this morning didn 't help ! So , I 'm on percocet and most comfortable sitting in the bed with both legs stretched out in front of me . I can do several PT exercises from this position and do , but I know I 'm not really torching the calories . Plus , my family and friends are determined that we will not run out of food . So far , everyone has been quite considerate in asking about likes / dislikes / allergies , etc . I say that I 'm avoiding white flour & sugar and that I don 't like tomatoes and mayo . I hope that doesn 't sound too picky . These people are being generous and I don 't want to seem ungrateful . At the same time , I don 't want their efforts to be wasted on something I won 't eat . Right now , I have some strawberry cookies that are scrumptious - a treat from a church friend . They are the perfect mix of sweet and tart . After two I am satisfied . I also have a chocolate prune cake my mother made in an effort to help with OIC . ( It is a struggle to say the least ! ) It seems so sweet that I can hardly eat a whole slice . My sister told me that the anesthesia or something has screwed up my taste buds . She did not think the cake was extra sweet . Plus being too sweet has never been a problem for me in the past . I have been eating chocolate pudding like it is the last day for eating chocolate pudding . Well , not really . I eat about half a cup per day , but it is the only thing that I have thought of that would taste good and actually did . With a nice little serving , I 'm satisfied and don 't obsess about it the rest of the day . 65MD is going to try his hand at making me some from scratch ! He 's such a good man . Other than those three sweet treats , my intake has been good . 65MD is helping me monitor my intake as well , wanting to make sure I get plenty of vegetables , particularly green ones . ( OIC ! ) It is a new thing for me for him to be so invested in my eating . He 's also been monitoring the scales along with me . In times past , he 's been supportive , but hands off . He 's let me do my thing , eaten along with me and shown interest , but this is a whole new level . It is making me a little paranoid . I 'm wondering just how distorted my mental image is vs reality , or maybe paranoia is a side effect of the medication . I 'm not going to worry too long about that . I 'm going to focus on being happy that I 've lost 11 pounds since Friday and enjoy the downward trend while it lasts . Posted by |
Jason 's mother sat him down at the dinner table one Saturday afternoon to a feast ( 款待 ) he could not believe . In front of him were his three favorite desserts . As Jason wondered what he had done to deserve them , his mother spoke , " Son , you see your favorite desserts , right ？ " Jason nodded . His mother continued . " Now , I have some good news and some bad news for you . And then you get to make a decision . The good news is that you get to choose one of these three desserts to eat . " So ， that was it ? He could only eat one ? " The bad news is that I have put poison ( 毒药 ) in one of the three desserts ， " Jason 's mother said . " The poison is so poisonous that it will kill you in a matter of minutes . It will be painful and there is no antidote ( 解药 ) . If you don 't die immediately ， you will know that you have chosen well . " Jason 's mouth dropped open . " You 're joking , right ？ " " No , sir ， " his mother replied . " I 'm serious . Now , which dessert do you choose ? You have ten seconds . " " This is crazy ， " shouted Jason . " I don 't need ten seconds ! Only a fool would eat any of the desserts now that you 've said eating one may kill him . " Jason 's mother nodded in agreement . " That 's right ， " she said . " Only a fool would take a one in three chance of eating something that could kill him , even if it tasted really great . " Then his mother lifted a package of cigarettes and put them on the table . " Tell me then ， " she continued , " why would a teenager ever smoke one of these terrible things when the chance of dying from smoking related illness is one in three ？ " Jason 's face turned red . This has become one of the most important lessons for him . He would never choose a poisonous cake as well as a cigarette . 1 ． It made Jason surprised one Saturday afternoon that his mother ________ . A . prepared his favorite food for himB . told him some good newsC . found he was smokingD . asked him to cook meals2 ． What decision did Mother really ask Jason to make ? A . Whether to eat the desserts . B . Whether to choos纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 One late night after celebrating with two friends who had just finished grade school I decided it was time to go home . So I walked towards the bus stop worrying that I might already have missed the last bus . It was Sunday and the buses were few and far between . When I arrived , there were still a few people waiting , so I thought perhaps there might be one last bus . After waiting a while I called a friend and asked her to look up the schedule online . Sure enough we had all missed the last bus by about ten minutes . One person insisted another bus was to come so we waited . Some people were getting upset as it seemed the only way home at that time was to call a taxi but most of them only had enough for bus fare . There was a mother with two beautiful twin girls who was particularly distressed . I decided it was too late and too dangerous to let everyone get home on their own . So I called a taxi company and asked the company to send out a van ( 客货车 ) . I told everyone that if they wanted , they could all ride with me and I 'd make sure they all got home , no matter where they lived . About six of us all piled into the van when it finally arrived . I was one of the first to reach my destination . I reached into my pocket and pulled out enough money to be certain that everyone got home . I also told the driver to keep what was left over . That night everyone got home safely . The driver got a big tip , and I went to bed satisfied . 语篇解读 本文作者讲述了自己在一次深夜回家时慷慨解囊 、 热心助人的经历 。 1 ． Why did the author call a friend at the bus stop ? A . To remind her of the work to do the next day . B . To make sure of the exact time of the last bus . C . To ask her to get in touch with the bus company . D . To thank her for the wonderful time they spent together . 2 ． When the author got to the bus stop , ________ . A . one or two people were still waiting for the bus thereB . the last bus was to come about ten minutes laterC . the last bus had already left about ten minutes beforeD . only a van was there to take the 纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 阅读理解 ; 阅读A 、 B 、 C三篇材料 ， 然后从各小题所给的四个选项中选出最佳选项 。 David walked down the street . All he wanted to do was to play basketball with Jim . But his mother told him to return his sister 's books to the library on his way to Jim 's house . In his eyes , books and summertime just don 't go together . He thought he had read a lot during the school year . And he had never set foot inside a public library . Today he 'd just drop the books off in the outside return box , but it was locked . He had to go inside to return them . David walked inside the building a few minutes before closing time . He put the books into the return box . After a quick drink of water and a short stop in the toilet , he 'd be on his way to meet Jim . He walked out of the toilet . The library lights were turned off . He was locked - - - in a library . David tried to use the telephone , but he couldn 't find one . As the sun began to set , he searched for a light and found a little one on the desk . He used a pencil to write a note on a big piece of paper . It read , " I 'm locked inside . Please call for help . " He put it on the front door . Surely , someone passing by would see it . He then turned his attention to the library itself . He was surprised to discover that this place was not so bad . Rows and rows of books ! When he saw a book about Michael Jordan on the desk , he picked it up . He opened the book and began to read . He felt that being locked in the library didn 't seem to be such a terrible thing . 1 . What did David 's mother want him to do ? A . Play basketball with Jim . B . Take a walk in the street . C . Read books in the library . D . Return his sister 's books 2 . David thought he had read a lot during ________ . A . a visit to Jim 's B . the school year C . the closing time D . the summertime 3 . David went inside the building because ________ . A . the sun began to set B . he wanted to use the telephone C . he needed to go to the toilet D . the outside return box was locked 4 . Which of the following sentences coul难度 ： 使用次数 ： 0 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 25 来源 ： 2017年苏州市初中毕业暨升学考试英语试卷及答案 . doc Last summer , Maria and her mother moved from their house in the countryside to building in Chicago . Maria really liked some things about the city , but she missed her house and yard in the countryside . One day , Maria was in her flat building when she noticed her neighbor , Mrs . Garcia , carrying a gardening tool and a bag of soil . Maria wondered how Mrs . Garcia was able to garden in the city . " My mom used to grow the most delicious vegetables , and I know she misses her garden now that we don 't have a yard , " said Maria . Mrs . Garcia laughed . " I 'll show you , " she said . Maria thought that Mrs . Garcia would take her to the park , but she took her to the roof ( 屋顸 ) . When the door opened , Maria was surprised to see rows of flowers and vegetables on the roof . " What a wonderful garden ! " said Maria . Mrs . Garcia told Maria that for a long time the roof was just an empty space . Then some of the people in the building asked the owners to turn it into a community garden . The building owners liked the idea because the plants not only helped to keep the air clean , but they also helped to keep the building cooler during warmer weather . " I plant flowers in my own place , " Mrs . Garcia said , but you would be surprised by how different the plants are up here . Some people grow vegetables just like your mom . You can do some of the same things in the city as in the countryside . You just have to be creative ! " 1 . Which of the following is NOT the advantage of the community garden ? A . It used the empty space well . B . It helped keep the air clean C . It helped keep the building cooler . D . It made the building stronger 2 . After Maria visited the garden , she would most probably ask her mom to _______ . A . go back to the countryside B . pick flowers from the garden C . grow vegetables on the roof D . show her around the park 3 . What is the best title for this passage ? A . A Creative Lady B . A Rooftop Garden C . An Empty Roof D . A Special Building 纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读 难度 ： 使用次数 ： 0 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 24 来源 ： 湖北省鄂州市2017年中考英语试卷及答案1 . doc One of my best friends went abroad to enjoy her holidays , so the job of looking after her dog Missy has been given to me . A few months ago , Missy came to my friend 's house . She looked terrible . She has been abused for a long time . When we first visited my friend and Missy , my friend had to gently pull her over on a lead ( 牵绳 ) to get her to come to us . She wanted to come but afraid to do so - the poor , beautiful thing . Clearly Missy came to the right home . My friend has given birth to a baby of his own and shows the love of a mother . This is just what Missy needs . Thanks to the love of my friend , she has changed into a new dog step by step . Sadly , she is still afraid of strange humans . I hate to imagine what the dog must have gone through . Now , Missy trusts me completely , so I can touch her berry （ 肚皮 ） . While standing , she will jump up so gently to be closer to me , putting her paws （ 爪子 ） on my legs as she looks at me with those beautiful eyes . Missy is really brave . She has the courage to try again , to open her hearts , and to know that not everyone is the same kind of people as before . Keep it in mind that tomorrow is another day . 1 . The underlined word " abused " in the first paragraph means __________ . A . 保护 B . 喂养 C . 虐待 D . 挨饿 2 . The writer felt _________ when she first saw Missy . A . proud and relaxed B . sorry and caring C . afraid and angry D . sad and disappointed 3 . The writer thought it was good for Missy to stay with her friend __________ . A . because her friend could offer the love of a mother to Missy B . because her friend had more free time to take care of Missy C . because her friend stayed long at home and felt quite lonely D . because her friend helped Missy to accept different people 4 . The fourth paragraph mainly tells us _________ . A . the writer has learned the skills to communicate with Missy B . the writer has made Missy understand and follow her orders C . the writer has succeeded in winning the trust of Missy D . the writer has come to realize that Missy is a beautiful do难度 ： 使用次数 ： 0 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 24 来源 ： 2017年安徽省初中学业水平考试英语试题及答案1 . doc Kaitlin Riffel 's dream to end poverty ( 贫困 ) started when she was visiting her father , who worked for the homeless . " I never realized there were people in the world who didn 't have a home or food before , " said Kaitlin , who is now sixteen . " I knew there was something I had to do about that . " At age eight , she started raising money to build a playground . " It took me two years , " Kaitlin said . " We started small . We wanted to do something to make a difference . " In 2014 , When Kaitlin was thirteen , she visited Central America , and saw people going hungry and families living in houses made of cardboard . That year , we set Kids on a Mission , which has helped hundreds of people there . " The rooms were smaller than my bedroom , but there would be eight people living in each one , " Kaitlin said . " We also got to see the dirty rivers that those people were drinking out of . " Providing clean drinking water , food and clothes for people living in poverty is now an important task for Kids on a Mission . " This young lady is changing the hearts of people , and also changing the world , " said the headmaster of Kaitlin 's school . 1 . The job of Kaitlin 's father was to __________ A . sell foods B . build playgroundsC . visit schools D . help homeless people2 . When did Kaitlin set Kids on a Mission ? A . In 2009 . B . In 2011 . C . In 2014 . D . In 2017 . 3 . What was people 's life like in Central America according to Kaitlin ? A . They lived in strong houses . B . Their drinking water was dirty . C . Their bedrooms were very big . D . They had enough food and clothes . 4 . What can we infer from the headmaster 's words ? A . Kaitlin is always ready to give and help . B . Kaitlin has many chances to travel around . C . Kaitlin often changes schools for her study . D . Kaitlin has a serious problem with her heart . 5 . What might be the best title for the text ? A . School life in America B . Gift from a headmasterC . Father 's duty in the family D . Girl 's dream to end poverty 阅读理解 ] ; 阅读下列短文 ， 从每小题所给的A 、 B 、 C 、 D四个选项中选出一个最佳选项 。 Once upon a time there was no tea at all in England . People there used to drink a light beer ( 啤酒 ) . No coffee or milk but large glasses of beer stood on the breakfast table ! When tea was first brought to England , an old couple got some as a special treat . But they did not know how I t should be used . They cooked the leaves in hot water , and spread them on a piece of bacon ( 熏肉 ) which they were going to have for dinner . They ate the leaves , and threw the tea away ! However , tea is becoming as popular as coffee and milk in England today . Tea is the leaf of a plant which grows widely in China , Japan and some other countries . Tea famers usually grow many tea plants on a large piece of land . When the tea leaves are ready to be picked , it is the busiest time for tea farmers in a year . They pull off on the leaves and dry them . In their spare time , they pick out the best leaves and get them ready for market . In china , whenever a visitor comes into a house , he is served with a cup of tea . 1 . What was served for breakfast in England long ago ? A . Beer . B . Tea . C . Coffee . D . Milk 2 . How did the old couple deal with the tea leaves ? A . They sold them . B . They ate them . C . They burnt them . D . They threw them away . 3 . Tea farmers are the busiest in a year when they _____ . A . serve visitors at home B . sell tea in the market C . pick and dry tea leaves D . look for a piece of land 4 . In which part of a magazine can read the text ? A . Nature . B . Culture . C . Environment . D . Technology . 纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 Mr . Guo is a teacher from Xi ' an . He asked his students to hand in their homework through a QR code （ 二维码 ） . " We spent an hour or two in class learning how to generate （ 使产生 ） the codes , and in the end everything gets easier . " Said Guo . " When students finish the homework , they keep in on WeChat （ 微信 ） . Then , each student makes his own QR code and gives it to me . So I can check their work everywhere using my computer or telephone . " The QR codes can be sent to Mr . Guo by email , QQ and WeChat . When Guo scans （ 扫描 ） his students ' QR codes , their homework appears on his phone . He finds that their homework becomes more creative （ 创新的 ） , with many pictures , music and even videos . Guo 's students like the new way and think it is interesting . " We are living in the information age . Many students like to work with computers , which makes learning more fun . " said Tingting , a student of Guo 's . " The paper is not easy to keep , but the code is easy to keep and share , " Guo said . " 48 It is worth trying to use new technology in education . Education itself is a kind of creation . I don 't want my students to fall behind the times . " However , some parents are worried . They are afraid that their children will spend too much time on computers and less time communicating with teachers . But in fact , it 's unnecessary . Students still need to look up information in books and write it down when they do their homework . They only use the code when they hand in their work , which doesn 't take them too much time . Also for teachers , it allows them to check the students ' work at any time . And it 's also an easy way to share homework with other students . 1 . According to the passage , students can keep their homework on ______ . A . WeChat B . QQ C . email D . blog （ 博客 ） 2 . Guo 's students think the new way is _______ . A . strange B . boring C . interesting D . Unnecessary 3 . What does " it " in Paragraph 4 refer to （ 指代 ）： A . The paper is not easy to keep . B . Keeping and sharing the c难度 ： 使用次数 ： 0 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 24 来源 ： 山东省德州市2017年中考英语试卷及答案 . doc 阅读理解 阅读下列短文 ， 然后从每小题A 、 B 、 C 、 D中选出能回答所提问题或完成所给句子的最佳答案 。 Nadia Comaneci , a famous gymnast （ 体操运动员 ）， was born in Romania in 1961 . When she was doing cartwheels （ 侧手翻 ） on the playground at the age of 7 , a PE teacher saw her . He told her family that she was very good and advised Nadia to train in the capital of Romania . Although it was a long way from her home , Nadia went because she loved gymnastics （ 体操 ） . After that , she trained hard and took part in lots of competitions . In 1975 , she was named as one of the Athletes of the 20th Century . In 1976 , Nadia went to the Olympics in Canada . She was so fantastic in the competition that everyone waited for the score , a high score . But the scoreboard showed 1 . 00 ! Everyone was surprised . There wasn 't a sound for a moment . Then a voice came , " Ladies and gentlemen , Nadia Comaneci … 10 ! The audience （ 观众 ） cheered very loudly . So what happened ? Well , when the scoreboard was built , no one thought a score of 10 . 00 was possible . The decimal point （ 小数点 ） was in the wrong place ! In fact , the scoreboard only had three digits （ 数位 ） to show scores , such as 9 . 50 or 9 . 85 at that time . In the 1976 Summer Olympics , Nadia Comaneci scored a perfect 10 , which was thought impossible before . From then on , she was looked as a hero . In 1984 , she got retired （ 退休的 ） . 1 . Nadia was named as one of the Athletes of the 20th Century in _______ . A . 1961 B . 1975 C . 1976 D . 1984 2 . At first , the scoreboard showed Nadia got ______ in the Olympics in Canada . A . 10 . 00 B . 1 . 00 C . 9 . 50 D . 9 . 85 3 . In Paragraph （ 段落 ） 5 , " Everyone was surprised " because _______ . A . she was fantastic in the competition B . there wasn 't a sound C . she got a score of 10 D . the score was too low 4 . Put the following into correct order according to the passage . ① Nadia went to the Olympics in Canada . ② A PE teacher saw her doing cartwheels on the playground . ③ Nadia went to the capital to t难度 ： 使用次数 ： 1 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 23 来源 ： 邵阳市 2017 年初中毕业学业考试英语试题卷及答案 . doc Alan , a boy from India went to study in the UK two years ago . He found a part - time job in a restaurant . Many British students also worked there . Their job was washing the dishes . It was an easy job , but the boss said , " You must wash every dish seven times . " At first , Alan was careful . The boss was happy with him . After one month , he found that the boss didn 't check very often . He thought there was no difference between five times and seven times . So he just washed five times . He worked very fast . The boss was even happier . One day , a British student asked him why he could wash so fast . Alan told him the secret . The British student was surprised but didn 't say anything . A few days later he told the boss about it . The boss fired ( 解雇 ) Alan . Alan went to other restaurants , but all of them said , " Go away ! You are not honest . We don 't need you . " Alan was sad because he could do nothing . 1 . Alan went to study in India two years ago . 2 . The boss asked Alan to wash the dishes seven times . 3 . At first , the boss was happy with Alan . 4 . The British student didn 't say anything to the boss . 5 . In fact , Alan is very honest . Kathy could still remember the night she had to leave her home in Hungary . It was the beginning of World War II and her family had to leave their country as soon as possible . She quickly filled a bag with a few pieces of clothing , her diary , and her treasure - a beautiful silk scarf . Kathy and her best friend , Monica , had asked their parents to buy them matching scarves . They each would wear the scarves as a symbol of their friendship . Kathy had no idea that she was going to America that night and would not be returning . Kathy kept that special silk scarf for many years . One day she decided to give it to her granddaughter , Eliza , to wear to her first job interview for good luck . Kathy was afraid that Eliza would lose the scarf , but the granddaughter promised , " Don 't worry , Grandma , nothing 's going to happen to your scarf . You 'll see . It is going to bring both of us luck today . " And with that , Eliza kissed her grandmother and left for the interview . That afternoon Eliza left the interview , feeling sure that she had got the job . So she decided to celebrate by going to a restaurant . As she was sitting at her table , she felt someone looking at her . Sitting next to her was an old woman , who could not take her eyes away from her . " I 'm sorry , do I know you ? " Eliza asked . " I 'm sorry , dear , but you make me think of someone I once knew , " the old woman replied . " My best friend looked like you and used to wear a scarf just like the one you 're wearing around your neck . " Eliza listened carefully , with her eyes and mouth wide open . She had heard stories of her grandmother 's best friend and knew the meaning of the scarf . Could this be Monica , her grandmother 's childhood friend ? Eliza introduced herself and waited to hear the name of the other woman . " My name 's Monica , dear . I lived in Hungary as a child , but my family had to leave when I was fourteen years old . I 've been living here in California ever since . " said the old woman . Eliza could not believe her ears … 1 . Kathy and her family l难度 ： 使用次数 ： 1 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 22 来源 ： 2017届初中英语毕业会考英语试卷及答案 . doc One day , a poor boy who was trying to pay his way through school by sending newspapers door to door , was so hungry that he decided to beg for a meal at the next house . However , he lost his nerve ( 勇气 ) when a lovely young woman opened the door . Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water . She thought he looked hungry so she brought him a large glass of milk . He drank it slowly , and then asked , " How much do I owe ( 欠 ) you ? " " You don 't owe me anything , " she replied . " Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart . " With these words , Howard Kelly left that house . Years later the woman became badly ill and was finally sent to the hospital in a big city . Dr . Howard Kelly , now famous , was called in . When he heard the name of the town she came from , a strange light filled his eyes . Dressed in his doctor 's clothes , Dr . Kelly went into her room and recognized her at once . From that day on , he gave special attention to her , and decided to do his best to save her life . At last the woman was saved . Dr . Kelly asked the business office to pass the final bill to him . He looked at it and then wrote something on the side . The bill was sent to her room . She was afraid to open it because she was sure that it would take the rest of her life to pay it off . Finally she looked , and the note on the side of the bill caught her attention . She read these words : " Paid in full with a glass of milk , Dr . Howard Kelly . " Tears of joy flooded her eyes . 1 . The boy sent newspapers door to door in order to . A . continue his schooling B . become a famous doctor C . thank the woman for her kindness D . help his poor family 2 . Which is true about the boy and the woman ? A . He became too shy to ask her for a drink of water . B . She thought he was not hungry but thirsty . C . She wanted him to pay for the glass of milk . D . She never thought he would save her life later . 3 . After Dr . Kelly knew who the woman was , he . A . began to take good care of her himself B . told her she once gave him a glass of milk C . made up his mind to try his best难度 ： 使用次数 ： 0 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 22 来源 ： 2017届初中英语毕业会考英语试卷及答案 . doc The famous scientist and thinker , Charles Darwin , was born on February 12 , 1809 . As a boy , Charles liked to go for walks in the fields and forests . He enjoyed watching nature , and comparing what he saw with everything he had read in science books . He also liked collecting very much . He collected many things , birds , eggs , stones and leaves . At sixteen Darwin was sent to Edinburgh University to become a doctor . But he was interested in the history of nature . Then he was sent to study in Cambridge University . There he studied until 1831 . Some time later he heard that the ship Beagle was going on a trip to South America and wanted a scientist . His teacher advised him to go . So when the Beagle left England in December , 1831 , Darwin was on it . The trip lasted almost five years . Darwin saw many new plants and animals . He collected all kinds of plants . In 1842 Darwin went to live in Kent , and there he continued his studies of change in nature . Darwin understood that plants and animals are not always the same , and that they really change . By 1859 Darwin had finished his famous book " The Origin of Species " . In 1871 Darwin wrote another important book . Darwin continued his studies in science until he died in 1882 . 1 . When was Darwin born ? A . In 1842 . B . In 1871 . C . In 1809 . D . In 1859 . 2 . What kind of books did Darwin like reading when he was a boy ? A . Science books . B . Chemistry books . C . History books . D . Medical books . 3 . What did Darwin work as on the ship Beagle ? A . A tourist . B . A doctor . C . A waiter . D . A scientist . 纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 阅读理解 。 Mr . and Mrs . Smith had always spent their summer holidays in New Jersey in the past , staying in a small inn ( 旅店 ) at the foot of a hill . One year , however , Mr . Smith made a lot of money in his business , so they decided to go to London and stay at a really good hotel while they went touring around that famous city . They flew to London and arrived at their hotel late one evening . They had expected that they would have to go to bed hungrily , because in that small inn in New Jersey , no meals were served after seven . They were surprised when the waiter asked whether they would take dinner there that night . " Are you still serving dinner ? " asked Mr . Smith . " Yes , certainly , sir , " answered the waiter . " We serve it until half past nine . " " What are the times of meals then ? " asked Mr . Smith . " Well , sir , " answered the waiter . " We serve breakfast from seven to half past eleven in the morning , lunch from twelve to three in the afternoon , tea from four to five , and dinner from six to half past nine . " " But that hardly leaves any time for us to see the sights of London . " said Mr . Smith . ( ) 1 . Mr . and Mrs . Smith had always spent their holidays in ________ . A . New York B . London C . New Jersey D . Washington ( ) 2 . When Mr . and Mrs . Smith had a lot of money , they decided to go to ________ . A . their hometown B . the capital of England C . New Jersey D . a small city in England ( ) 3 . They went to London by ________ . A . sea B . plane C . train D . bus ( ) 4 . From the story we know that this was the ________ time for the Smiths to go to London . A . first B . second C . third D . fourth ( ) 5 . What does the sentence " But that hardly leaves any time for us to see the sights of London " mean ? A . We can go to see the sights of London at any time . B . We have enough time to see the sights of London . C . We can see more sights of London . D . We have little time to see the sights of London . 纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 阅读理解 阅读下列短文 ， 然后从每小题A 、 B 、 C 、 D中选出能回答所提问题或完成所给句子的最佳答案 。 Nadia Comaneci , a famous gymnast ( 体操运动员 ) , was born in Romania in 1961 . When she was doing cartwheels ( 侧手翻 ) on the playground at the age of 7 , a PE teacher saw her . He told her family that she was very good and advised Nadia to train in the capital of Romania . Although it was a long way from her home , Nadia went because she loved gymnastics ( 体操 ) . After that , she trained hard and took part in lots of competitions . In 1975 , she was named as one of the Athletes of the 20th Century . In 1976 , Nadia went to the Olympics in Canada . She was so fantastic in the competition that everyone waited for the score , a high score . But the scoreboard showed 1 . 00 ! Everyone was surprised . There wasn 't a sound for a moment . Then a voice came , " Ladies and gentlemen , Nadia Comaneci … 10 ! " The audience ( 观众 ) cheered very loudly . So what happened ? Well , when the scoreboard was built , no one thought a score of 10 . 00 was possible . The decimal point ( 小数点 ) was in the wrong place ! In fact , the scoreboard only had three digits ( 数位 ) to show scores , such as 9 . 50 or 9 . 85 at that time . In the 1976 Summer Olympics , Nadia Comaneci scored a perfect 10 , which was thought impossible before . From then on , she was looked as a hero . In 1984 , she got retired ( 退休的 ) . 1 . Nadia was named as one of the Athletes of the 20th Century in _______ . A . 1961 B . 1975 C . 1976 D . 1984 2 . At first , the scoreboard showed Nadia got _______ in the Olympics in Canada . A . 10 . 00 B . 1 . 00 C . 9 . 50 D . 9 . 85 3 . In Paragraph ( 段落 ) 5 , " Everyone was surprised " because _______ . A . she was fantastic in the competition B . there wasn 't a sound C . she got a score of 10 D . the score was too low 4 . Put the following into correct order according to the passage . ① Nadia went to the Olympics in Canada . ② A PE teacher saw her doing cartwheels on the playground . ③ Nadia went to the capital to train . ④ She was loo难度 ： 使用次数 ： 5 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 19 来源 ： 2017年初二英语期末试题及答案 . doc The British are known as people who love to stand in line , but a new research shows that the British are only about average ( 平均数 ) at waiting politely in a queue ( 排 、 队 ) . The French are the best . It 's the Germans who don 't have a good habit of standing in line . They can 't stand to wait for anything . They begin to shout loudly and noisily if the line doesn 't seem to be moving fast enough . Sadly it never moves fast enough for them . The experts studied 940 people across Europe . They watched secretly as they waited in line to get tickets , to order fast food and to wait for the bus . They found people who are good at forming ( 排成 ) queues feel that they move along faster . For example , in Britain , the average waiting at a queue needs about three and a half minutes . In Germany or Sweden people hate waiting in line . In fact , people spend double the time as the British in queues . They get to the front of the queue without thinking about others , so they waste others ' time . The expert who did the research had asked a person to break into a queue to see what people would do . In Britain , people shouted loudly at him , but when he said , " I 'm terribly sorry . I didn 't realize there was a queue . Do go before me . " People smiled and said . " Oh , that 's all right , one more won 't matter much . " It was also found in France , where 80 ％ of the people didn 't mind standing in line only if they were treated politely . While in Germany everyone was angry and wore an unhappy face . The expert said , " If only they could learn from the British and the French to think of queuing as an exercise in making the best of an unhappy thing , they might find that the queue then moves faster . " 1 . The research shows that the people in _______ are the most polite in standing in line . A . Sweden B . Britain C . France D . Germany2 . The Germans spend more time than the British in queues because they __________ . A . always talk a lot with others B . like waiting in line C . don 't follow the rule of queuing D . don 't know the rule of queuing3 . According to the resea纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 It 's said that you are who your friends are . The other day I came across a few local musicians and happened to hear them talking : " I hate all the terrible pianos in this town . I hate that rubbish they play on the radio . They can 't even understand a bit of music . " " I 'm never playing in that club again . Too many drunks ( 醉鬼 ) and nobody listens to us . " But one younger musician said , " There are a few clubs that book me a few nights a month , and I 'm trying to find other places to play . I 'm also looking forward to booking a few summer festivals this year . " Attitudes ( 态度 ) are important . They 're rubbing off on you . If you 're always around people who complain about short of work and about other musicians or say bad words about others , and you play the role of a victim ( 牺牲品 ) , it 's possible that you will start to as well . So it 's time to take a look at the people you call " friends " , as what kind of friends you have decides what kind of life you are going to live . This is an easy exercise : Make a list of the people who you often go out with , and simply stop spending time with the people who often say bad words . Set a new standard ( 标准 ) for yourself and don 't become friends with people who fall below that standard . Keep successful people around you and your own chances for success will be much better . Ask them how they do it and learn from them . Ask if they will help you get the work you 're looking for , or maybe give you some advice to help you on your career path . 1 . The musicians ' words at the beginning are written mainly to show _______ . A . young people have greater chances of being successful B . people have poor taste in music C . people have different attitudes towards the same thing D . the musicians live a poor life 2 . The underlined sentence " they 'll rubbing off on you " in Paragraph 6 . means _______ . A . they 'll push you ahead B . they 'll have an influence ( 影响 ) on you C . they 'll cover your feelings D . they 'll help you have success 3 . By taking the exercise mentioned in Paragraph 7 , you can _______ . A . improve 难度 ： 使用次数 ： 3 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 18 来源 ： 2016 - 2017学年第二学期八年级英语阶段测试试题及答案 . doc Many years ago , when I was working as a volunteer at a hospital , I got to know a little girl named Lisa . The poor little girl had a very serious disease and was dying . The doctor had done his best but no medicine really worked . The only chance to save her seemed to be a blood transfusion ( 输血 ) from her five - year - old brother . The little boy had the same disease before and had developed the antibodies ( 抗体 ) to fight the illness . The doctor talked to the little boy about what they planned to do , and asked him if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister . I saw him hesitate ( 迟疑 ) for a moment . He took a deep breath and said , " Yes , I 'll do it if it can save Lisa . " As the transfusion was going on , the little boy lay quietly in bed next to his sister . He 1ooked at her and smiled all the time . When everything was done and the colour returned to his sister 's face , his smile disappeared and he looked a little afraid . He 1ooked up at the doctor and asked , " Will I start to die now ? " He was too young to understand the doctor . He thought he would have to give all his blood to his sister , but he agreed . 1 . What happened to the little girl named Lisa ? A . She died of a very serious disease . B . She got better with the antibodies from her brother . C . She lost her little brother . D . The transfusion failed and her illness got worse . 2 . How did the five - year - old boy understand the doctor 's plan ? A . He thought he was going to lose all his blood . B . He thought he was going to be killed . C . He thought he was going to die together with his sister . D . He thought he was going to die when he grew up . 3 . The writer still remember the story many years later _________ . A . because the little girl had a very strange disease B . because the sister and brother had the same disease C . because the doctor saved the little girl 's life D . because of what the boy did for his sister 纠错评论 [ 永久链接 ] 题型 ： 阅读理解 知识点 ： 人物传记 / 故事阅读类 阅读理解 阅读下面的短文 ， 然后根据短文内容 ， 在每小题所给的四个选项中选出最佳选项 。 A reader wrote to say that she was feeling left out at break because her best friend wasn 't around . Here 's our advice to her - and to all kids who feel lonely sometimes . It 's hard when a best friend isn 't around - maybe because she moved to a different school or a different class . You may feel lonely at break or lunchtime . You want to have new friends , but how do you make them ? Maybe it seems that everybody else already has their friends . But remember , there 's always room for more friends . Start by looking around your classroom - think about which kids you 'd like to play with at break . Look for chances to say hi to them , smile , and be friendly . Offer to share something or express your appreciation ( 欣赏 ) to them . Invite someone to play with you or say " Do you want to sit here ? " in the lunchroom . When you 're at break , walk over to kids you want to play with and say " Hi , can I play , too ? " or just join in . If you find it difficult to do this or if you 're feeling shy , ask your teacher to help you make new friends . Teachers are usually pretty good at matching up friends . The best way to make friends is to be a friend . Be kind , be friendly , share , say nice things , offer to help - and pretty soon , you 'll have one , or two , or even more new friends . You might still miss that special best friend . But when you see each other , you can share something you didn 't have before she left : You can introduce her to your new friends ! 1 . This text is written for ____________ . A . teachers B . parents C . students D . visitors 2 . The expression " feeling left out " means " _______ " in Chinese . A . 受冷落 B . 被调侃 C . 挨批评 D . 遭攻击 3 . Some kids need help from teachers to make friends because ____________ . A . they miss their old friends a lot B . they have no time to stay with others C . teachers know who wants a new friend D . they are shy or not good at making friends 纠难度 ： 使用次数 ： 1 入库时间 ： 2017 - 06 - 17 来源 ： 2017吉林省长春市九年级中考英语模拟试卷及答案 . doc Leonardo da Vinci , one of the greatest thinkers in the world , began his career as an artist . Very little is known about Leonardo 's early life . He was born in 1452 in the town of Vinci . As a boy , Leonardo showed a great interest in drawing , sculpting and nature . However , because Leonardo was born to parents who were not married to each other , he was barred from some studies and jobs . He trained as an artist after moving to Florence with his father in the 1460s . It was an exciting time to be in Florence , one of the cultural capitals of Europe . Leonardo trained with one of the city 's very successful artists , Andrea del Verrocchio . He was a painter , sculptor and gold worker . Verrocchio told his students that they needed to understand the body 's bones and muscles ( 肌肉 ) when drawing people . Leonardo took the teacher 's advice very seriously . He spent several periods of his life studying the human body using dead bodies . While training as an artist , Leonardo also learned about and improved on quite new painting methods at the time . One was the use of perspective ( 透视 ) to show depth . A method called " sfumato " helped to create a cloudy effect to suggest distance . " Chiaroscuro " is a method using light and shade as a painting effect . Leonardo 's first known portrait （ 肖像 ） now hangs in the National Gallery in Washington , D . C . He made this painting of a young woman named Ginevra de ' Benci around 1474 . The woman has a pale face with dark hair . In the distance , Leonardo painted the Italian countryside . He soon received attention for his artistic skills . Around 1475 he was asked to draw an angel in Verrocchio 's painting " Baptism of Christ . " One story says that when Verrocchio saw Leonardo 's addition to the painting , he was so amazed by his student 's skill that he said he would never paint again . 1 . Which of the following is TRUE according to the passage ? A . Verrocchio thought Leonardo 's work was excellent . B . Leonardo thought his teacher 's advice was wrong . C . " Sfumato " is a method 1 2 |
Due to the number of story blogs that I have I decided to create an update blog . Yeah , I know it sounds redundant but in reality I hope to make things less confusing and time consuming for readers . Instead of having to subscribe to umpty dozen different blogs you can subscribe to Mother Hen 's Story Blogg at http : / / motherhensstorytime . blogspot . com / and get all of the updates in one location . There is also a full listing of all of the story blogs on the right hand side of the page and several different subscription choices . . . email , readers , google , etc . Near future during the editing and clean up process I also hope to put a contact link so that if readers have any questions I 'll get a direct email . For now a comment on the blog should get to me . I 'm also going to finally get on that blog that will house all of the recipes that appear in the stories in one location . I hope to tag those so that you can search them by ingredients , cooking methods , etc . In the coming weeks there is will lots of updates to my story pages . I 've looked back at some of the blogs and they need major editing including updating the " story list " and other links . To get the whole ball of wax started I 'm posting Rain , Rain , Rain . The story is complete but was badly in need of proof reading so it is going to take me a day or three to get all thirty - something chapters posted . But for those that would like to read it I have it started at http : / / rainrainrainelizabella . blogspot . com / In addition to the current story list on blogspot I 'll be posting some other stories that haven 't made it to the blog - o - shere yet . Some have been posted in line , simply at other locations , and some have never seen the light of day outside my computer . I 'll also be finishing some that are " in progress " in various locations . I am currently working on completing the stories one by one . " And the Geek Shall Inherit the Earth " is an old one that I never finished and it is the one that I am currently working on . I will get it posted to blogspot as soon as I can and you will be able to find the link in my profile as soon as I do . The father smiled . " No Sweetheart . My Uncle Daniel is … well he needed his own place . All the noise and ruckus up at the big house doesn 't always set too well with him . Aunt Pauline is the same way . And out here they are closer to the plants and animals they like so well . " Reassured the little girl said , " Yes sir . " After a pause she asked , " But why do we come out here every day ? Why don 't they come to us sometimes ? " " ' Cause Uncle Daniel is real busy this time of year and your Mawmaw made me promise when she went that I 'd keep an eye on them just in case . Besides , this is your Uncle Daniel 's and Aunt Pauline 's anniversary , they 've been married five years . Your momma will skin me if we don 't get this cake delivered and get back to the house to help with the garden and J . Paul . " Pauline had been a slave during the Starving Years and had nearly died before being rescued by the militia in that area . Then several well meaning people had paired her up with a man that had turned out to be an abuser . By the time he 'd died - been killed in a brawl actually - Pauline was like she was and there was no changing it . Uncle Daniel had met her one time when they were taking some goats to market and for some reason known only to God and Uncle Daniel it was love at first sight for both of them . The man 's mother had done what was necessary and Pauline had come home with them and the rest as they say was history . He looked up to see Aunt Pauline quietly waiting for him to notice her . He took off his hat and said , " I beg your pardon . I was wool gathering . " He nodded , " Yes ma ' am . I sure do . But it had to be the Lord 's work that they were able to go together . There 's no other explanation for how things happened the way they did . " On the other side of the world the old woman stopped to empty a stone out of her shoe . The hike had been lovely but tiring too , especially on the heels of the big ceremony dedicating the memorial to the men and woman that had left Spain at the behest of the UN and never returned . " Reckon the children are doing all right ? " she asked the man at her side . Dacey nodded . " I know , I know . Time I cut the apron strings . Just he 's the youngest and … well , as much as I 've had fun seeing your old home Abel , I miss the noise of our own around us . I 'll be glad to start back tomorrow . It was nice that you found some of your cousins still alive but , I feel like such a stranger around here . " A rakish grin partially hidden by a mustache and well - trimmed beard preceded his cocky swagger in her direction . " No Querida . I realized if you had not come with me that would have been the piece that was missing . " " Eh , it was all right . Too many in the audience didn 't seem to really understand what the memorial represented . I saw very few people our age except in the special visitor stands and of them , I saw very few who seemed happy to remember only that they survived . It was a spectacle . I am glad my cousin got us those passes so that I could tell the story of those that had died with honor but I 'm not sorry to be returning to where I now belong . " Abel smiled and then leaned against the tree while his wife finished tying her boot . " I can think of no better affirmation of life than that and a prayer of thanksgiving . We 've already said our prayers , so why not now the other ? We lived through seven long years of the Heart Rot . To have survived it was a miracle , a blessing from God above . And the recovery afterwards was just as long and nearly as hard as the Starving Time as the world tried to find its way . Then the war … but it is all done … at least until the next crisis and there are children and grandchildren and hope . " The rag tag end of my cough was finally gone and I needed some air , some sunshine . I knew what natural sunlight I got over the next few weeks would likely have to hold me all winter and I wanted to soak up what I could . I wrapped Leena in her blanket and climbed out of the sink . I didn 't have to have help doing it anymore and I glad to not be tied down to someone else helping me all the time . As I finally reached the top of the stairs I saw that Abel was chopping wood ; he swore we wouldn 't run short this year like we had last and he never let a spare moment go by that he didn 't at least add a stick or two to our supply of fuel . Daniel , who had been growing so fast you could almost see it the few times you could catch him standing still , was bringing in another basket of forage to sort and dry or can as we needed . Daniel laughed but didn 't bring me any of the forage . It was a good thing because Leena picked that moment to start squeaking . I picked her up and slid her under the poncho I wore a lot because it was just too hard to constantly run and change my shirt so she could get fed . It 's a strange thing . When Leena is eating I feel like I go off to Lala Land . I mean it is one of those things I imagine if you could bottle people would pay a lot of money for - assuming people still use money some place in the world - but it is kind of freaky as well . Leena and I were all comfy on the blanket when the forest got quiet . I was about to sit up to see what had caused it when Daniel rushed over and covered us with a couple of branches and then hid behind it . " Stay quiet as a mouse Dacey . Two people are coming I … wait , that 's not a people that 's Josef . " Daniel went to stand up . " Daniel ? " " It 's OK Dacey , Abel told me to come over . But you stay put ' til I check it out . " I nodded but continued to hold back . I was looking at Josef who was looking at me . He tried to hide his shock but I could see it behind his stoney face . He knelt down and said , " I came over not knowing what to expect . Frankly I 'm surprised we found you so quickly . I just went by the little bit that Daniel had said about you living near your parents ' house and took the same trail I saw you take each time . " I wanted to be mad at him but just was too busy trying to keep my brain from spinning . The man named Louis said , " I swore a blood oath Missus Montoya . Wouldn 't ever break one o ' those … more than my soul is worth . " I looked at him and realized he talked kinda funny . He spoke good English but there was something strange about it . " Got me a Granny what Abel here promised to look after should something happen to me . " He wasn 't Amish either ' cause he said he 'd sworn an oath and that was something they didn 't do . Then I realized why he sounded so different yet familiar . " You 're from West Virginia . " I realized as soon as I said it that it sounded strange and the concerned look on everyone 's faces made me realize it sounded worse than that , it sounded crazy . I was getting upset and that only made the odd feelings I was having worse . Abel bent down and picked me up and then turned to Josef and Louis , " You swear by all you hold dear that no one else is with you or followed you ? " Josef looked offended but Louis stuck out his hand and said , " Made sure to lose the couple of young rascals that wanted to follow us and then came up behind ' em and put a scare into ' em . They left off after that . Nosey peckerwoods but no real harm in ' em but the both of them learned the hard way not to push me too far . " I could feel Abel nod and then turn to Daniel who he told , " Run ahead and clear the way . " This must have been a secret between the two of them because when we finally entered the cave the pocket door at the end of the hall that led to all of the various storage are was slid closed and a book case stood in front of it . Abel noticed me noticing and kissed the top of my head and I relaxed some . He might have told some , might have had a good reason for it , but he didn 't tell all and didn 't intend on telling all either from the looks of it . I started having trouble breathing again and Josef took charge . " Dacey , look at me . You 've known me for years . You know I never hurt Daniel and I never would . There 's no need to panic here . Just try breathing slow and steady . " He was right , I had known him a long time and he 'd always been good with Daniel . Dad and had liked and trusted him . I tried not to think about the fact that Dad had liked and trusted the men that had come that day he and Mom had been killed but it was a tough battle barely won . Finally I said , " Right here where I can see what you are doing . " Since it was obvious who he was talking about I said , " He 's growing up . It 's to be expected . Abel counts on him a lot and so do I . " I made sure it was loud enough for Daniel to hear . I wanted him to know I was proud of him . " Makes sense . That 's how they do it at the farm too . We 've been blessed that a lot of the people were already set with solar … one of the few things the Amish had over the Townies . Now let 's take a look here . " Josef sighed and shook his head but that 's the only sign he made that he thought I was over reacting . He really didn 't do all that much but he asked questions that I really resented having to answer . " You know , I don 't know that it is any of your business , " I told him after a particularly embarrassing question about me and Abel . Josef snorted but it seemed he was at the end of his questioning anyway . " Dacey , you 've had a close call . You still aren 't completely come back from the birth . From what you 've told me you 're lucky you didn 't develop a fever , infection , or worse . And given it was you telling me and not Abel that means you probably aren 't even telling me the whole of it and I 'll be asking him a few questions too . Now you 're obviously anemic and some of that is affecting the baby . " " No , not hurting her . If anything its probably the other way around . A woman 's body naturally puts the best in her milk before the mother gets it . Leena is probably syphoning off a lot of the nutrients you need for yourself . " Not being the idiot he must 've took me for I said , " Don 't even think about telling me I need to eat liver . If I eat more liver I 'm gonna turn into one . Chicken liver . Pork liver . Venison liver . " Sighing remembering the sight of Abel and Daniel with my mother 's books out and making a list I added , " Egg yolks , leafy greens , fish , chickweed , catnip , burdock … and I have to have blackstrap molasses in my tea instead of honey . " That was a real grievance for me . I liked molasses but I preferred honey when it came to my tea . I was running out of steam and trying not to show it . Daniel must have noticed because he came over and said , " It 's all right Dacey . Why don 't you take a nap . I 'll take Josef over to the kitchen . " In the end my stubbornness only took me so far . I walked as far as the kitchen but all I was allowed to do was sit in the rocker and " decorate the room " as Dad used to call sitting around doing nothing . Abel had gotten pretty efficient in the kitchen but he was wily too . We had intended to start culling more of the flock before it turned too cold so he just did one of them early . It was a gimpy ol ' hen that wasn 't laying anymore and was starting to get picked on so it was really putting her out of her misery sooner rather than later . I told Daniel which herbs to use to season the hen and then they roasted it while we all sat and talked . Or rather they talked , I went to sleep after I fed Leena . I woke up realizing she wasn 't in my arms and jumped . Abel got up and it was only a few steps before he was beside me . I wasn 't awake all the way and after he let me know Leena was in her little box beside me and then he put an afghan over me I started to sleep back into sleep but not before I heard Josef ask , " How often is she like this ? " There was a pause and then Abel said quietly , " This is much better . For a long time … I thought I would lose one or the other of them , perhaps both . I … I thought about … but Dacey would have never forgiven me and I could not have forgiven myself . So , I helped Dacey to … to care for Catalina . It … it slows her getting better . Yes ? " Josef sighed and said , " As you said , I doubt Dacey would have forgiven you if you haven 't tried and there 's no way a baby that size can go on any kind of milk even if there was some . You 've done good to do what you did . Do you have any of those pre - natal vitamins left ? " " Probably more than you knew from what I 've seen and heard from you both . They 'll both remain delicate through this winter . You 'll have to be very careful even if she gets stubborn . I 'm not sure what is causing those spells you say she has , it could be any number of things ; lack of a vitamin or mineral her body is craving , the anemia she is experiencing , simple fatigue , maybe a form of stress driven panic , who knows . But Abel , you 're going to have to face facts . You said you had to perform CPR a few times ; the spells could be a direct result of the loss of oxygen and may be a permanent fixture from now on . Are you prepared for that ? " " I … I have thought of that . I had a cousin who had asimientos , what you call seizures . They did not stop her from having a life , a family , she simply had to take care once she learned to recognize when they were coming . As for the rest , we have spoken of her need to take care and she has agreed ; she does not wish to leave us . " He continued to talk but I was just too tired to listen . I woke again when I heard the oven door open and smelled the chicken . I wasn 't exactly hungry … not in it was a pleasure to eat kind of hungry ; but my body craved the food , sometimes so much it hurt . But I was embarrassed . The first time we had company since my parents were alive and I was barely moving around more than a slug . Louis noticed and told me matter of factly , as if he had somehow read my mind , " Don 't fret on it Missus . My Granny is the same way but there are just days when God deems her to have a Sitting Day and on them days it 's just best to do it ' cause that 's what He wants . Reckon He must have something mighty fine planned for that little peanut o ' yours what with all you 've been going through to keep her and raise her . Reckon there 's a reason for it and for the way you 're feeling . Best let God do as He sees fit and stay outta His way and mind Him . " I was beginning to understand why Abel had trusted the man . He grows on you in a weird way very quickly . Abel asked him to say our dinner prayer and Louis seemed pleased to be asked . The men tried to take only meager portions but I told them , " Eat . The sooner that carcass is cleaned up the sooner it can be put in the pot to make broth with . And eat your share of the greens , no one wants to eat reheated , wilty greens . " I didn 't have to tell them twice and soon enough dinner was over with , the dishes were cleared away with all of them helping to clean their own plates - that was another embarrassment and I hated imagining what my mother would have said about it - and then we all went into the living room where Daniel heated up a pot of acorn coffee for the men . The " coffee " was really just roasted acorn meats that were then percolated in an old coffee pot but Abel liked it well enough and Josef and Louis seemed to as well . I stuck to water . I was always thirsty it seemed . Both men grinned , " Nearly forty percent germination . And almost all of those produced something ; not anything approaching normal but they did produce . The A - Town voted to save everything for seed though we did give each of the children something . " Josef shrugged but Louis said , " Most . Got some real knotheads even in a place like A - Town . But feeding the kids like we do they didn 't have a whole lot of support for what they wanted . " Both men became grim . " We 'll squeak by . We 've got teams that will watch everyone better this year . We 'll lose a few but not to outright starvation if we can help it . Most everyone that was going to go that route already has , now we just need to care for the weak and less able bodied , the widows , and the orphans . Seeing the crops this year has bolstered those that were weak in spirit as well . " He gave the barest of smiles , " About like you would expect . " That about covered it and we both knew it . I 'd already heard the baby had been a little boy and they 'd named him Adam . He 'd been born at only six pounds but apparently that was a good weight these days . They had a higher than normal number of stillbirths and miscarriages and it was being put down to poor nutrition and stressful living . Remembering that had me cuddling Leena closely to my chest . Abel must have noticed because he changed the subject to something less upsetting . There was a little more talk but I was busy caring for Leena and then we all went off to bed . When Abel and I were there together , after making sure our guests were cared for , he asked , " Will you forgive me ? " I wasn 't going to fool around and pretend like I didn 't know what he was talking about . I sighed , " I told you when you first came that this was your home too . I just wish you would have given me some warning or we had talked about it . My parents always talked about the big stuff before they went and did it . " " Si Querida , but it was a battlefield decision . We were in a bad spot and … and I did not want you to wonder if I never came home . I saw what Jeff 's disappearance made you feel . I could not do that to you . " Looking at it from his perspective I suppose I might have done the same . " I 'm not … not angry Abel . Just … I don 't know … I don 't know if I feel so safe here now . " The threat was implied and I believed him . That didn 't exactly make me feel any more comfortable with someone knowing but it reminded me as nothing else could exactly where Abel put us in his life . We were the top priority and something in me told me we always would be . I felt him shrug . " It means there is hope , but there was always hope . We just need to go through the fire and trust that we will outlast it . It will be next year that tells whether this year was really important . Will the seeds continue their viability or has the Heart Rot programmed them to self destruct ? One year is not enough to see the direction the road is leading . " It was my turn to shrug . " I don 't think he knows any more than we already figured out for ourselves . Did he say anything to you ? " " I made it his business by asking . And he is right . I understand you do not like … er … speaking of certain things . But soon we must . We are man and woman , not beasts of the field that breed for no reason but instinct . " The way Abel put things sometimes seemed a little crude , but it was true nonetheless . I shook my head and my hair snapped and crackled from the static electricity in it . " I don 't mind talking about that stuff with you . What I don 't like is someone else making like it is their business and they can tell us what we can and cannot do . Whether we have leventy - dozen kids or only Leena that 's between us and God and isn 't anyone else 's say so . " He kissed my temple . " Querida . " He kissed me again and then put some distance between us . " I am not a rutting bull . I can do this , " he mumbled to himself in Spanish . I don 't think he thought I understood but I did . I understood something else too . " No . But I guess we 've got to do what we 've got to do . I 'm feeling a little better every day . Maybe some days it doesn 't look like it but I am . I 'm determined about it . This past year has been hard … for all of us . I don 't think I ever imagined a time would ever be so hard . But we 're getting through it and some good things have come out of it . We just need to hold onto that part of it . I don 't know what this winter will bring … or even next year ; probably good things and bad just like life always seems to bring . " He scooted back to my side and we spooned up together for warmth and mutual comfort . He sighed in pleasure . " Si . But we can do this yes ? Daniel is growing . Leena is growing . And we are growing too . Each of us in our own way . It makes me eager to see what tomorrow will bring . " I rolled to face him and snuggle up under his chin , " Tomorrow 's good , but let 's not forget about right now . Right now seems pretty good too . We just need to think around the problems that might come up . No reason we can 't get er … creative . " Seventeen . When my parents were alive it seemed so far off , like it was never going to get here . Then after they died it was no longer important ; acknowledging the passage of time only seemed to mean that I was further and further away from them , from the good things my life had been and no closer to the end of the suffering I felt . Time certainly wasn 't important to Daniel and that seemed the best way for me to handle it as well . Then Abel came into our lives and our friendship turned into something so much more . I started to measure time again . When was the last time I had seen him . When would I see him again ? How much time did we spend together ? Then the winter illnesses that brought back all of the horrible memories of my parents ' deaths , of being alone . My fear of being pregnant battled with my fear of spending all my time alone . Finally they get well then I get " sick " and then well and while I 'm still confused and trying to figure out where everything is going my conscious mind finally acknowledges I might be pregnant . I accept the reality of being pregnant and then Abel going off brings back memories of Jeff disappearing from our lives . I was scared that I was going to be left alone to take care of Daniel and even more scared that Daniel might be left alone to take care of my baby and what a disaster that would have been . Death from disease , starvation , and violence surrounds us on all sides . We may be insulated from it but that doesn 't mean it isn 't there . It doesn 't mean that it might not strike any one of us at any time . Thankfully Abel returned to me … to us . Thankfully I didn 't have to face it all the time and responsibilities in front of me alone . But as the days passed the shoe was suddenly on the other foot . Now I worried about leaving Abel alone ; leaving him alone to take care of Daniel , of the baby and everything else . I saw the fear lurking in his eyes as well . I even saw a certain confusion and fear begin to lurk in Daniel 's eyes . And I could do nothing to allay their fears no even my own . I ate the best I could ; both Abel and Daniel saw to that . But it seemed like my body , once so easy to care for , doing anything and everything I asked of it , had suddenly developed a mind of its own . Sometimes what I ate would stay down , sometimes it would not . Sometimes I felt good after I ate sometimes I felt worse . I craved sleep yet when I did it only seemed to make me crave more . No matter how I tried to hide it by the end of July there was no denying my condition was getting worse . I had to get up in the middle of the night and wound up spending more time in the bathroom than I had meant to . When I came out I was shaking . I found Abel standing there like the wrath of God . " No . Do not say that , " he demanded as he helped me back to bed . " It cannot be too late . I won 't hear it . " I didn 't even try and translate the slew of Spanish that fell out of his mouth at that point . I don 't think I could have anyway . It was just one long string of syllables full of guttural sounds with the occasional squeak thrown in for good measure . We had prepared for this . Abel knew about animals being born as I did , we 'd both been raised on working farms . Human babies were different but not that much . It was what came after that was different . I wouldn 't be licking my baby clean . Nature would only go so far to help . We 'd have to cut the umbilical cord ourselves . We would need to make sure the baby could take its first breath . The baby would need diapering and swaddling . It was going to be completely helpless . And by the time the noon meal came and went , that is exactly how I felt as well . I once heard a lady at church tell Mom that having a baby was like trying to push a watermelon through a drinking straw . Another lady said it was worse than trying to pass a kidney stone . Another lady said it was like the old joke of trying to take your bottom lip and pull it up over the top of your head . Personally I 'm not sure it is the pain so much as it is you have no control over what is happening . There is no time out when a baby decides to be born . There 's no stopping to catch your breath or taking a moment to think . And eventually you don 't want anything other than for it to hurry up and be over with . I gave up being in the bed ; all it did was make me miserable and uncomfortable . For a while I sat in a rocking chair and basically just zoned out . For a while I even thought I had the labor thing down but all of a sudden - zap ! - things started changing . The books call it a transitional period . Yeah right . More like a period of going crazy trying to figure out just how uncomfortable things can get . I walked , I bent over , I kneeled , I tried lying on my side , I tried getting on all fours … I felt like a pretzel that was trying to escape being twisted . I felt pain in places I wouldn 't even talk to Abel about . Eventually it settled into waves and I just survived from the peak of one until the peak of the next . Then the valleys disappeared and I was riding a wave of pain that didn 't seem to want to end . Trying to remember the tail end of it all makes my head hurt . Things got fuzzy and the lights started going in and out . Eventually I felt this big … well , kind of goosh and then it was like this slithery … ok , I give up . There isn 't really any way to describe it if you 've never done it . Basically the baby came out . That 's when things got scary . It didn 't cry . I remember Abel praying and Daniel crying and it seemed like a long , long time and then there was this strange squeaking noise . The sound made me happy but in a far away dreamy sort of way . I was floating away … just drifting … and not much seemed to matter . I vaguely recall my chest getting pounded on and then something being forced into my mouth . I wasn 't all there anymore but a part of me knew what was going on , I couldn 't do anything about it . I knew I needed to help but I seemed to have forgotten how . Then it was like a big electric shock and everything went black . I can 't tell you how much later it was but there was this squeaking and I knew , absolutely knew , that it was for me and me alone . And something told me I had a choice . I could listen to the squeaking , do something about the insistent tugging , or I could go back to sleep and never wake up . The temptation to go back to sleep was pretty big . I was tired , not just from the baby but it seemed like from a bunch of stuff that I hadn 't realized was weighing me down . I was ready to just let go then behind the squeaking and the tugging I heard a voice … deep , gravelly , so full of sorrow that it was almost too much to bear . I knew I knew that voice and then I remembered and it became much easier to tell the temptation to take a hike . I couldn 't open my eyes , they seemed glued shut but I could sigh . It seemed important that I let him know I was there . I must have done it a couple of more times , trying to form the letter A but barely making a difference . " Querida ? " The incredulous tone of voice told me he still wasn 't sure he was hearing what thought he heard . I tried a few more times but I was so tired I wasn 't sure if he understood before the darkness claimed me again . I woke up again to tugging and a deep cramp . I must have moaned loud enough that Abel heard me and finally believed me . The tugging continued with Abel 's gentle assistance and then I heard him directing someone to do something and there was a sudden burst of taste on my tongue as a very strong broth was spooned into my mouth . His reply made it sound like he was concentrating every cell of his body on the task before him . " She 's swallowing it Abel ! She 's really swallowing … it isn 't just dripping down her throat this time . " Normally such a question would have made Abel laugh , smile at least , but instead I heard nothing but extreme control . " It will take time , that is all they need . Time and for us to take care of them . " Time seemed to pass but I can 't tell you how much . I do know that when I finally opened my eyes it was to find the room quiet except for Abel taking care of things for me that had me so upset that my chest hurt . " No , " I moaned in a nearly silent whisper . I could barely form the words and struggling to make him understand was draining me but he finally got the idea . Rather than embarrassment though he gave me a gruff answer I hadn 't been expecting . " I will do what needs doing . I am your husband and it is my right to do these things for you . When you are well you can do them but for now … " Then I heard him sigh and he was less gruff . " Dacey , you took care of me when I was ill and I … I understand what it must cause you to feel . To feel like you are made helpless and a child . But just as you did for me , I do these things for love . Si ? Comprende Querida ? " " Easy Querida . She is in a little drawer right here . She is too small for the bed we made . Daniel and I must be careful , she is nearly lost in the drawer . " He licked his lips and brushed the hair out of my eyes and I saw he hadn 't shaved in a while but it was hard to tell how long because his beard always grew so fast . Finally he shrugged . " She is small . Very small . I … I do not know if she is too small . " Then he leaned over and picked up a bundle that looked about the size of my mother 's best dress up purse ; big enough to hold but not big enough to put much in . I was absolutely scared to death . I 'd had dolls bigger than the tiny thing he placed in my arms . Then it started making noise and I realized what the squeaking had been . Next I realized what the tugging had been as Abel unbuttoned my night gown . I didn 't have a clue what to do but apparently my body did and what I couldn 't figure out , Abel helped me with . It didn 't take long before the baby went to sleep . He gently nudged her and she woke up again and started feeding some more . Eventually though she just wouldn 't wake up to eat and he picked her up and patted her a little until she made this strange little bubble sound and then he changed her and laid her back in the drawer . All during this time all I could do was watch and it made a very deep and horrible ache in my chest . I remember crying but I don 't remember going back to sleep but I must have . My days flew by like that but eventually I was awake most of the time and the bleeding had stopped . I was very weak but I wasn 't in danger of dying . From that point I improved every day until finally I was able to get up and get around . Abel and Daniel didn 't stand constant guard over me as they had and I was able to take care of Leena myself … as in Catalina after his grandmother . Victoria was her middle name … Daniel named her after our mother . Catalina Victoria Montoya but the name was way too big for her so we all called her " Leena " for short . July became August and August became early September and we should have been preparing for winter … and Abel and Daniel were . But underneath it all we held our breaths . Leena stayed small . She squeaked , she didn 't really cry though I thought lately she had seemed stronger and louder . She filled up her handkerchief sized diapers as often as I remember Daniel doing and her poo stunk which meant that what was going in was definitely coming out all right . My energy came back but not the way it should have . I knew it . Abel knew it too . I rarely left the cave except on the warmest part of the day and only in the best weather . Still I managed to get a cough that took a while to kick . Then the first cool breeze blew and I worried that we hadn 't done enough . That winter was coming and it just wouldn 't be enough . |
Due to the number of story blogs that I have I decided to create an update blog . Yeah , I know it sounds redundant but in reality I hope to make things less confusing and time consuming for readers . Instead of having to subscribe to umpty dozen different blogs you can subscribe to Mother Hen 's Story Blogg at http : / / motherhensstorytime . blogspot . com / and get all of the updates in one location . There is also a full listing of all of the story blogs on the right hand side of the page and several different subscription choices . . . email , readers , google , etc . Near future during the editing and clean up process I also hope to put a contact link so that if readers have any questions I 'll get a direct email . For now a comment on the blog should get to me . I 'm also going to finally get on that blog that will house all of the recipes that appear in the stories in one location . I hope to tag those so that you can search them by ingredients , cooking methods , etc . In the coming weeks there is will lots of updates to my story pages . I 've looked back at some of the blogs and they need major editing including updating the " story list " and other links . To get the whole ball of wax started I 'm posting Rain , Rain , Rain . The story is complete but was badly in need of proof reading so it is going to take me a day or three to get all thirty - something chapters posted . But for those that would like to read it I have it started at http : / / rainrainrainelizabella . blogspot . com / In addition to the current story list on blogspot I 'll be posting some other stories that haven 't made it to the blog - o - shere yet . Some have been posted in line , simply at other locations , and some have never seen the light of day outside my computer . I 'll also be finishing some that are " in progress " in various locations . I am currently working on completing the stories one by one . " And the Geek Shall Inherit the Earth " is an old one that I never finished and it is the one that I am currently working on . I will get it posted to blogspot as soon as I can and you will be able to find the link in my profile as soon as I do . The father smiled . " No Sweetheart . My Uncle Daniel is … well he needed his own place . All the noise and ruckus up at the big house doesn 't always set too well with him . Aunt Pauline is the same way . And out here they are closer to the plants and animals they like so well . " Reassured the little girl said , " Yes sir . " After a pause she asked , " But why do we come out here every day ? Why don 't they come to us sometimes ? " " ' Cause Uncle Daniel is real busy this time of year and your Mawmaw made me promise when she went that I 'd keep an eye on them just in case . Besides , this is your Uncle Daniel 's and Aunt Pauline 's anniversary , they 've been married five years . Your momma will skin me if we don 't get this cake delivered and get back to the house to help with the garden and J . Paul . " Pauline had been a slave during the Starving Years and had nearly died before being rescued by the militia in that area . Then several well meaning people had paired her up with a man that had turned out to be an abuser . By the time he 'd died - been killed in a brawl actually - Pauline was like she was and there was no changing it . Uncle Daniel had met her one time when they were taking some goats to market and for some reason known only to God and Uncle Daniel it was love at first sight for both of them . The man 's mother had done what was necessary and Pauline had come home with them and the rest as they say was history . He looked up to see Aunt Pauline quietly waiting for him to notice her . He took off his hat and said , " I beg your pardon . I was wool gathering . " He nodded , " Yes ma ' am . I sure do . But it had to be the Lord 's work that they were able to go together . There 's no other explanation for how things happened the way they did . " On the other side of the world the old woman stopped to empty a stone out of her shoe . The hike had been lovely but tiring too , especially on the heels of the big ceremony dedicating the memorial to the men and woman that had left Spain at the behest of the UN and never returned . " Reckon the children are doing all right ? " she asked the man at her side . Dacey nodded . " I know , I know . Time I cut the apron strings . Just he 's the youngest and … well , as much as I 've had fun seeing your old home Abel , I miss the noise of our own around us . I 'll be glad to start back tomorrow . It was nice that you found some of your cousins still alive but , I feel like such a stranger around here . " A rakish grin partially hidden by a mustache and well - trimmed beard preceded his cocky swagger in her direction . " No Querida . I realized if you had not come with me that would have been the piece that was missing . " " Eh , it was all right . Too many in the audience didn 't seem to really understand what the memorial represented . I saw very few people our age except in the special visitor stands and of them , I saw very few who seemed happy to remember only that they survived . It was a spectacle . I am glad my cousin got us those passes so that I could tell the story of those that had died with honor but I 'm not sorry to be returning to where I now belong . " Abel smiled and then leaned against the tree while his wife finished tying her boot . " I can think of no better affirmation of life than that and a prayer of thanksgiving . We 've already said our prayers , so why not now the other ? We lived through seven long years of the Heart Rot . To have survived it was a miracle , a blessing from God above . And the recovery afterwards was just as long and nearly as hard as the Starving Time as the world tried to find its way . Then the war … but it is all done … at least until the next crisis and there are children and grandchildren and hope . " The rag tag end of my cough was finally gone and I needed some air , some sunshine . I knew what natural sunlight I got over the next few weeks would likely have to hold me all winter and I wanted to soak up what I could . I wrapped Leena in her blanket and climbed out of the sink . I didn 't have to have help doing it anymore and I glad to not be tied down to someone else helping me all the time . As I finally reached the top of the stairs I saw that Abel was chopping wood ; he swore we wouldn 't run short this year like we had last and he never let a spare moment go by that he didn 't at least add a stick or two to our supply of fuel . Daniel , who had been growing so fast you could almost see it the few times you could catch him standing still , was bringing in another basket of forage to sort and dry or can as we needed . Daniel laughed but didn 't bring me any of the forage . It was a good thing because Leena picked that moment to start squeaking . I picked her up and slid her under the poncho I wore a lot because it was just too hard to constantly run and change my shirt so she could get fed . It 's a strange thing . When Leena is eating I feel like I go off to Lala Land . I mean it is one of those things I imagine if you could bottle people would pay a lot of money for - assuming people still use money some place in the world - but it is kind of freaky as well . Leena and I were all comfy on the blanket when the forest got quiet . I was about to sit up to see what had caused it when Daniel rushed over and covered us with a couple of branches and then hid behind it . " Stay quiet as a mouse Dacey . Two people are coming I … wait , that 's not a people that 's Josef . " Daniel went to stand up . " Daniel ? " " It 's OK Dacey , Abel told me to come over . But you stay put ' til I check it out . " I nodded but continued to hold back . I was looking at Josef who was looking at me . He tried to hide his shock but I could see it behind his stoney face . He knelt down and said , " I came over not knowing what to expect . Frankly I 'm surprised we found you so quickly . I just went by the little bit that Daniel had said about you living near your parents ' house and took the same trail I saw you take each time . " I wanted to be mad at him but just was too busy trying to keep my brain from spinning . The man named Louis said , " I swore a blood oath Missus Montoya . Wouldn 't ever break one o ' those … more than my soul is worth . " I looked at him and realized he talked kinda funny . He spoke good English but there was something strange about it . " Got me a Granny what Abel here promised to look after should something happen to me . " He wasn 't Amish either ' cause he said he 'd sworn an oath and that was something they didn 't do . Then I realized why he sounded so different yet familiar . " You 're from West Virginia . " I realized as soon as I said it that it sounded strange and the concerned look on everyone 's faces made me realize it sounded worse than that , it sounded crazy . I was getting upset and that only made the odd feelings I was having worse . Abel bent down and picked me up and then turned to Josef and Louis , " You swear by all you hold dear that no one else is with you or followed you ? " Josef looked offended but Louis stuck out his hand and said , " Made sure to lose the couple of young rascals that wanted to follow us and then came up behind ' em and put a scare into ' em . They left off after that . Nosey peckerwoods but no real harm in ' em but the both of them learned the hard way not to push me too far . " I could feel Abel nod and then turn to Daniel who he told , " Run ahead and clear the way . " This must have been a secret between the two of them because when we finally entered the cave the pocket door at the end of the hall that led to all of the various storage are was slid closed and a book case stood in front of it . Abel noticed me noticing and kissed the top of my head and I relaxed some . He might have told some , might have had a good reason for it , but he didn 't tell all and didn 't intend on telling all either from the looks of it . I started having trouble breathing again and Josef took charge . " Dacey , look at me . You 've known me for years . You know I never hurt Daniel and I never would . There 's no need to panic here . Just try breathing slow and steady . " He was right , I had known him a long time and he 'd always been good with Daniel . Dad and had liked and trusted him . I tried not to think about the fact that Dad had liked and trusted the men that had come that day he and Mom had been killed but it was a tough battle barely won . Finally I said , " Right here where I can see what you are doing . " Since it was obvious who he was talking about I said , " He 's growing up . It 's to be expected . Abel counts on him a lot and so do I . " I made sure it was loud enough for Daniel to hear . I wanted him to know I was proud of him . " Makes sense . That 's how they do it at the farm too . We 've been blessed that a lot of the people were already set with solar … one of the few things the Amish had over the Townies . Now let 's take a look here . " Josef sighed and shook his head but that 's the only sign he made that he thought I was over reacting . He really didn 't do all that much but he asked questions that I really resented having to answer . " You know , I don 't know that it is any of your business , " I told him after a particularly embarrassing question about me and Abel . Josef snorted but it seemed he was at the end of his questioning anyway . " Dacey , you 've had a close call . You still aren 't completely come back from the birth . From what you 've told me you 're lucky you didn 't develop a fever , infection , or worse . And given it was you telling me and not Abel that means you probably aren 't even telling me the whole of it and I 'll be asking him a few questions too . Now you 're obviously anemic and some of that is affecting the baby . " " No , not hurting her . If anything its probably the other way around . A woman 's body naturally puts the best in her milk before the mother gets it . Leena is probably syphoning off a lot of the nutrients you need for yourself . " Not being the idiot he must 've took me for I said , " Don 't even think about telling me I need to eat liver . If I eat more liver I 'm gonna turn into one . Chicken liver . Pork liver . Venison liver . " Sighing remembering the sight of Abel and Daniel with my mother 's books out and making a list I added , " Egg yolks , leafy greens , fish , chickweed , catnip , burdock … and I have to have blackstrap molasses in my tea instead of honey . " That was a real grievance for me . I liked molasses but I preferred honey when it came to my tea . I was running out of steam and trying not to show it . Daniel must have noticed because he came over and said , " It 's all right Dacey . Why don 't you take a nap . I 'll take Josef over to the kitchen . " In the end my stubbornness only took me so far . I walked as far as the kitchen but all I was allowed to do was sit in the rocker and " decorate the room " as Dad used to call sitting around doing nothing . Abel had gotten pretty efficient in the kitchen but he was wily too . We had intended to start culling more of the flock before it turned too cold so he just did one of them early . It was a gimpy ol ' hen that wasn 't laying anymore and was starting to get picked on so it was really putting her out of her misery sooner rather than later . I told Daniel which herbs to use to season the hen and then they roasted it while we all sat and talked . Or rather they talked , I went to sleep after I fed Leena . I woke up realizing she wasn 't in my arms and jumped . Abel got up and it was only a few steps before he was beside me . I wasn 't awake all the way and after he let me know Leena was in her little box beside me and then he put an afghan over me I started to sleep back into sleep but not before I heard Josef ask , " How often is she like this ? " There was a pause and then Abel said quietly , " This is much better . For a long time … I thought I would lose one or the other of them , perhaps both . I … I thought about … but Dacey would have never forgiven me and I could not have forgiven myself . So , I helped Dacey to … to care for Catalina . It … it slows her getting better . Yes ? " Josef sighed and said , " As you said , I doubt Dacey would have forgiven you if you haven 't tried and there 's no way a baby that size can go on any kind of milk even if there was some . You 've done good to do what you did . Do you have any of those pre - natal vitamins left ? " " Probably more than you knew from what I 've seen and heard from you both . They 'll both remain delicate through this winter . You 'll have to be very careful even if she gets stubborn . I 'm not sure what is causing those spells you say she has , it could be any number of things ; lack of a vitamin or mineral her body is craving , the anemia she is experiencing , simple fatigue , maybe a form of stress driven panic , who knows . But Abel , you 're going to have to face facts . You said you had to perform CPR a few times ; the spells could be a direct result of the loss of oxygen and may be a permanent fixture from now on . Are you prepared for that ? " " I … I have thought of that . I had a cousin who had asimientos , what you call seizures . They did not stop her from having a life , a family , she simply had to take care once she learned to recognize when they were coming . As for the rest , we have spoken of her need to take care and she has agreed ; she does not wish to leave us . " He continued to talk but I was just too tired to listen . I woke again when I heard the oven door open and smelled the chicken . I wasn 't exactly hungry … not in it was a pleasure to eat kind of hungry ; but my body craved the food , sometimes so much it hurt . But I was embarrassed . The first time we had company since my parents were alive and I was barely moving around more than a slug . Louis noticed and told me matter of factly , as if he had somehow read my mind , " Don 't fret on it Missus . My Granny is the same way but there are just days when God deems her to have a Sitting Day and on them days it 's just best to do it ' cause that 's what He wants . Reckon He must have something mighty fine planned for that little peanut o ' yours what with all you 've been going through to keep her and raise her . Reckon there 's a reason for it and for the way you 're feeling . Best let God do as He sees fit and stay outta His way and mind Him . " I was beginning to understand why Abel had trusted the man . He grows on you in a weird way very quickly . Abel asked him to say our dinner prayer and Louis seemed pleased to be asked . The men tried to take only meager portions but I told them , " Eat . The sooner that carcass is cleaned up the sooner it can be put in the pot to make broth with . And eat your share of the greens , no one wants to eat reheated , wilty greens . " I didn 't have to tell them twice and soon enough dinner was over with , the dishes were cleared away with all of them helping to clean their own plates - that was another embarrassment and I hated imagining what my mother would have said about it - and then we all went into the living room where Daniel heated up a pot of acorn coffee for the men . The " coffee " was really just roasted acorn meats that were then percolated in an old coffee pot but Abel liked it well enough and Josef and Louis seemed to as well . I stuck to water . I was always thirsty it seemed . Both men grinned , " Nearly forty percent germination . And almost all of those produced something ; not anything approaching normal but they did produce . The A - Town voted to save everything for seed though we did give each of the children something . " Josef shrugged but Louis said , " Most . Got some real knotheads even in a place like A - Town . But feeding the kids like we do they didn 't have a whole lot of support for what they wanted . " Both men became grim . " We 'll squeak by . We 've got teams that will watch everyone better this year . We 'll lose a few but not to outright starvation if we can help it . Most everyone that was going to go that route already has , now we just need to care for the weak and less able bodied , the widows , and the orphans . Seeing the crops this year has bolstered those that were weak in spirit as well . " He gave the barest of smiles , " About like you would expect . " That about covered it and we both knew it . I 'd already heard the baby had been a little boy and they 'd named him Adam . He 'd been born at only six pounds but apparently that was a good weight these days . They had a higher than normal number of stillbirths and miscarriages and it was being put down to poor nutrition and stressful living . Remembering that had me cuddling Leena closely to my chest . Abel must have noticed because he changed the subject to something less upsetting . There was a little more talk but I was busy caring for Leena and then we all went off to bed . When Abel and I were there together , after making sure our guests were cared for , he asked , " Will you forgive me ? " I wasn 't going to fool around and pretend like I didn 't know what he was talking about . I sighed , " I told you when you first came that this was your home too . I just wish you would have given me some warning or we had talked about it . My parents always talked about the big stuff before they went and did it . " " Si Querida , but it was a battlefield decision . We were in a bad spot and … and I did not want you to wonder if I never came home . I saw what Jeff 's disappearance made you feel . I could not do that to you . " Looking at it from his perspective I suppose I might have done the same . " I 'm not … not angry Abel . Just … I don 't know … I don 't know if I feel so safe here now . " The threat was implied and I believed him . That didn 't exactly make me feel any more comfortable with someone knowing but it reminded me as nothing else could exactly where Abel put us in his life . We were the top priority and something in me told me we always would be . I felt him shrug . " It means there is hope , but there was always hope . We just need to go through the fire and trust that we will outlast it . It will be next year that tells whether this year was really important . Will the seeds continue their viability or has the Heart Rot programmed them to self destruct ? One year is not enough to see the direction the road is leading . " It was my turn to shrug . " I don 't think he knows any more than we already figured out for ourselves . Did he say anything to you ? " " I made it his business by asking . And he is right . I understand you do not like … er … speaking of certain things . But soon we must . We are man and woman , not beasts of the field that breed for no reason but instinct . " The way Abel put things sometimes seemed a little crude , but it was true nonetheless . I shook my head and my hair snapped and crackled from the static electricity in it . " I don 't mind talking about that stuff with you . What I don 't like is someone else making like it is their business and they can tell us what we can and cannot do . Whether we have leventy - dozen kids or only Leena that 's between us and God and isn 't anyone else 's say so . " He kissed my temple . " Querida . " He kissed me again and then put some distance between us . " I am not a rutting bull . I can do this , " he mumbled to himself in Spanish . I don 't think he thought I understood but I did . I understood something else too . " No . But I guess we 've got to do what we 've got to do . I 'm feeling a little better every day . Maybe some days it doesn 't look like it but I am . I 'm determined about it . This past year has been hard … for all of us . I don 't think I ever imagined a time would ever be so hard . But we 're getting through it and some good things have come out of it . We just need to hold onto that part of it . I don 't know what this winter will bring … or even next year ; probably good things and bad just like life always seems to bring . " He scooted back to my side and we spooned up together for warmth and mutual comfort . He sighed in pleasure . " Si . But we can do this yes ? Daniel is growing . Leena is growing . And we are growing too . Each of us in our own way . It makes me eager to see what tomorrow will bring . " I rolled to face him and snuggle up under his chin , " Tomorrow 's good , but let 's not forget about right now . Right now seems pretty good too . We just need to think around the problems that might come up . No reason we can 't get er … creative . " Seventeen . When my parents were alive it seemed so far off , like it was never going to get here . Then after they died it was no longer important ; acknowledging the passage of time only seemed to mean that I was further and further away from them , from the good things my life had been and no closer to the end of the suffering I felt . Time certainly wasn 't important to Daniel and that seemed the best way for me to handle it as well . Then Abel came into our lives and our friendship turned into something so much more . I started to measure time again . When was the last time I had seen him . When would I see him again ? How much time did we spend together ? Then the winter illnesses that brought back all of the horrible memories of my parents ' deaths , of being alone . My fear of being pregnant battled with my fear of spending all my time alone . Finally they get well then I get " sick " and then well and while I 'm still confused and trying to figure out where everything is going my conscious mind finally acknowledges I might be pregnant . I accept the reality of being pregnant and then Abel going off brings back memories of Jeff disappearing from our lives . I was scared that I was going to be left alone to take care of Daniel and even more scared that Daniel might be left alone to take care of my baby and what a disaster that would have been . Death from disease , starvation , and violence surrounds us on all sides . We may be insulated from it but that doesn 't mean it isn 't there . It doesn 't mean that it might not strike any one of us at any time . Thankfully Abel returned to me … to us . Thankfully I didn 't have to face it all the time and responsibilities in front of me alone . But as the days passed the shoe was suddenly on the other foot . Now I worried about leaving Abel alone ; leaving him alone to take care of Daniel , of the baby and everything else . I saw the fear lurking in his eyes as well . I even saw a certain confusion and fear begin to lurk in Daniel 's eyes . And I could do nothing to allay their fears no even my own . I ate the best I could ; both Abel and Daniel saw to that . But it seemed like my body , once so easy to care for , doing anything and everything I asked of it , had suddenly developed a mind of its own . Sometimes what I ate would stay down , sometimes it would not . Sometimes I felt good after I ate sometimes I felt worse . I craved sleep yet when I did it only seemed to make me crave more . No matter how I tried to hide it by the end of July there was no denying my condition was getting worse . I had to get up in the middle of the night and wound up spending more time in the bathroom than I had meant to . When I came out I was shaking . I found Abel standing there like the wrath of God . " No . Do not say that , " he demanded as he helped me back to bed . " It cannot be too late . I won 't hear it . " I didn 't even try and translate the slew of Spanish that fell out of his mouth at that point . I don 't think I could have anyway . It was just one long string of syllables full of guttural sounds with the occasional squeak thrown in for good measure . We had prepared for this . Abel knew about animals being born as I did , we 'd both been raised on working farms . Human babies were different but not that much . It was what came after that was different . I wouldn 't be licking my baby clean . Nature would only go so far to help . We 'd have to cut the umbilical cord ourselves . We would need to make sure the baby could take its first breath . The baby would need diapering and swaddling . It was going to be completely helpless . And by the time the noon meal came and went , that is exactly how I felt as well . I once heard a lady at church tell Mom that having a baby was like trying to push a watermelon through a drinking straw . Another lady said it was worse than trying to pass a kidney stone . Another lady said it was like the old joke of trying to take your bottom lip and pull it up over the top of your head . Personally I 'm not sure it is the pain so much as it is you have no control over what is happening . There is no time out when a baby decides to be born . There 's no stopping to catch your breath or taking a moment to think . And eventually you don 't want anything other than for it to hurry up and be over with . I gave up being in the bed ; all it did was make me miserable and uncomfortable . For a while I sat in a rocking chair and basically just zoned out . For a while I even thought I had the labor thing down but all of a sudden - zap ! - things started changing . The books call it a transitional period . Yeah right . More like a period of going crazy trying to figure out just how uncomfortable things can get . I walked , I bent over , I kneeled , I tried lying on my side , I tried getting on all fours … I felt like a pretzel that was trying to escape being twisted . I felt pain in places I wouldn 't even talk to Abel about . Eventually it settled into waves and I just survived from the peak of one until the peak of the next . Then the valleys disappeared and I was riding a wave of pain that didn 't seem to want to end . Trying to remember the tail end of it all makes my head hurt . Things got fuzzy and the lights started going in and out . Eventually I felt this big … well , kind of goosh and then it was like this slithery … ok , I give up . There isn 't really any way to describe it if you 've never done it . Basically the baby came out . That 's when things got scary . It didn 't cry . I remember Abel praying and Daniel crying and it seemed like a long , long time and then there was this strange squeaking noise . The sound made me happy but in a far away dreamy sort of way . I was floating away … just drifting … and not much seemed to matter . I vaguely recall my chest getting pounded on and then something being forced into my mouth . I wasn 't all there anymore but a part of me knew what was going on , I couldn 't do anything about it . I knew I needed to help but I seemed to have forgotten how . Then it was like a big electric shock and everything went black . I can 't tell you how much later it was but there was this squeaking and I knew , absolutely knew , that it was for me and me alone . And something told me I had a choice . I could listen to the squeaking , do something about the insistent tugging , or I could go back to sleep and never wake up . The temptation to go back to sleep was pretty big . I was tired , not just from the baby but it seemed like from a bunch of stuff that I hadn 't realized was weighing me down . I was ready to just let go then behind the squeaking and the tugging I heard a voice … deep , gravelly , so full of sorrow that it was almost too much to bear . I knew I knew that voice and then I remembered and it became much easier to tell the temptation to take a hike . I couldn 't open my eyes , they seemed glued shut but I could sigh . It seemed important that I let him know I was there . I must have done it a couple of more times , trying to form the letter A but barely making a difference . " Querida ? " The incredulous tone of voice told me he still wasn 't sure he was hearing what thought he heard . I tried a few more times but I was so tired I wasn 't sure if he understood before the darkness claimed me again . I woke up again to tugging and a deep cramp . I must have moaned loud enough that Abel heard me and finally believed me . The tugging continued with Abel 's gentle assistance and then I heard him directing someone to do something and there was a sudden burst of taste on my tongue as a very strong broth was spooned into my mouth . His reply made it sound like he was concentrating every cell of his body on the task before him . " She 's swallowing it Abel ! She 's really swallowing … it isn 't just dripping down her throat this time . " Normally such a question would have made Abel laugh , smile at least , but instead I heard nothing but extreme control . " It will take time , that is all they need . Time and for us to take care of them . " Time seemed to pass but I can 't tell you how much . I do know that when I finally opened my eyes it was to find the room quiet except for Abel taking care of things for me that had me so upset that my chest hurt . " No , " I moaned in a nearly silent whisper . I could barely form the words and struggling to make him understand was draining me but he finally got the idea . Rather than embarrassment though he gave me a gruff answer I hadn 't been expecting . " I will do what needs doing . I am your husband and it is my right to do these things for you . When you are well you can do them but for now … " Then I heard him sigh and he was less gruff . " Dacey , you took care of me when I was ill and I … I understand what it must cause you to feel . To feel like you are made helpless and a child . But just as you did for me , I do these things for love . Si ? Comprende Querida ? " " Easy Querida . She is in a little drawer right here . She is too small for the bed we made . Daniel and I must be careful , she is nearly lost in the drawer . " He licked his lips and brushed the hair out of my eyes and I saw he hadn 't shaved in a while but it was hard to tell how long because his beard always grew so fast . Finally he shrugged . " She is small . Very small . I … I do not know if she is too small . " Then he leaned over and picked up a bundle that looked about the size of my mother 's best dress up purse ; big enough to hold but not big enough to put much in . I was absolutely scared to death . I 'd had dolls bigger than the tiny thing he placed in my arms . Then it started making noise and I realized what the squeaking had been . Next I realized what the tugging had been as Abel unbuttoned my night gown . I didn 't have a clue what to do but apparently my body did and what I couldn 't figure out , Abel helped me with . It didn 't take long before the baby went to sleep . He gently nudged her and she woke up again and started feeding some more . Eventually though she just wouldn 't wake up to eat and he picked her up and patted her a little until she made this strange little bubble sound and then he changed her and laid her back in the drawer . All during this time all I could do was watch and it made a very deep and horrible ache in my chest . I remember crying but I don 't remember going back to sleep but I must have . My days flew by like that but eventually I was awake most of the time and the bleeding had stopped . I was very weak but I wasn 't in danger of dying . From that point I improved every day until finally I was able to get up and get around . Abel and Daniel didn 't stand constant guard over me as they had and I was able to take care of Leena myself … as in Catalina after his grandmother . Victoria was her middle name … Daniel named her after our mother . Catalina Victoria Montoya but the name was way too big for her so we all called her " Leena " for short . July became August and August became early September and we should have been preparing for winter … and Abel and Daniel were . But underneath it all we held our breaths . Leena stayed small . She squeaked , she didn 't really cry though I thought lately she had seemed stronger and louder . She filled up her handkerchief sized diapers as often as I remember Daniel doing and her poo stunk which meant that what was going in was definitely coming out all right . My energy came back but not the way it should have . I knew it . Abel knew it too . I rarely left the cave except on the warmest part of the day and only in the best weather . Still I managed to get a cough that took a while to kick . Then the first cool breeze blew and I worried that we hadn 't done enough . That winter was coming and it just wouldn 't be enough . |
I am a 4 year old Black Lab . I spent some time as a " shelter puppy " and was not treated well by my first family . I am now living with my new Mom and Dad and a sister and a brother . I hope you enjoy reading about me and my adventures . Ther 's lots and lots and lots of snow outside . Dad went out to the front yard for awhile so I thought I 'd tell you about the snow . It 's a wet snow Dad says . He 's outside trying to make the bushes stand up again . They 're usually very tall bushes and now they 're really short and laying across the walkway to Mom 's car . Dad took Mom to work today because she got stuck in her parking lot trying to leave work last night . Poor Mom needs a Jeep then she wouldn 't have those kinds of problems ! She likes her little Kia though , until she 's stuck in the snow . Yesterday when Mom was home for lunch and then after work Mom teased me . When we went outside those 2 times it was snowing outside and the snowflakes were really huge . They were sticking to me pretty good . Both times when Mom let me in she said " You 're a white dog ! Where 's my black dog ! I don 't have a bit white dog , I have a big black dog ! " By then the snow would be melted or I would have wagged my tail so hard it came off and then she would say , " OH it is my big black dog . She 's just covered in snow ! " Crazy Mom ! ! ! I love to run in the snow all over my yard . It 's fun to run in the new snow that nobody else has run in yet . I 'm the only one in my yard running in the new snow ( Sasha follows my path because she 's so short ) so I get to have lots of fun . Mom and Dad say I 'm hilarious to watch run around in the snow . It sounds like Dad is almost done so I 'm going to go watch for him so I can go outside with him . Have a good weekend everybody ! I won 't post again until Tuesday since Mom will be off work for 3 days . I think she 's going to hog the computer or make the room stinky with her paints . She really wants to use her new easel that Dad got her for Christmas . Happy New Year ! Mom stayed home from work yesterday because she was really sick . She was up at 1 : 30 am yesterday morning and her fever didn 't break until 8 : 00 last night . She spent most of the day in bed and Gunnar , Sasha and I spent most of the day with her . She finally moved to the couch because the bed was hurting her back and I tried to share my rope with her to make her feel better but she kept yelling at me to leave her alone . I was really getting bored and was very happy to see Dad when he came home . Mom spent most of the day in the bathroom or sleeping . Sasha wanted attention from Mom and didn 't care if she was sick or not . Gunnar was nice though and didn 't bug Mom about lunch until she moved from the bed to the couch . It 's snowing today ! Dad said the people on the news said this snow storm is supposed to be big like last week 's . We didn 't get anything last week so I didn 't think we 'd get anything this time either . It 's snowing though so hopefully I 'll be able to play in the snow this weekend . I love running in the snow and hunting for my rope and my plastic stick . Mom and Dad laugh at me so I must look funny . Mom says I 'm pretty good at making sure every piece of snow in the backyard is well packed into the ground . I don 't know about that , I just have a lot of fun running all over the yard . I 'm going to go watch the snow now and take a little nap just in case there 's enough snow to run around in when Mom comes home for lunch . I think Dad is off work tomorrow so I 'll spend tomorrow helping him . Have a good weekend . Mom and Dad say this is New Year 's weekend so everybody be safe and if your parents are having a party have fun and be safe ! ! I had a WONDERFUL Christmas ! ! ! I hope all of you did , too . First , here 's a picture of me and my friend Korra . Mom didn 't take many pictures of us because Korra was afraid of the camera . I tried to explain to her that the camera is okay and if it was pointed at you that probably meant you were doing something cute or funny . She didn 't care though . I guess it was the flash she didn 't like . We still had a lot of fun together though . We played and played and played . Dad brought her home Friday night and we played awhile and then we drove Mom crazy Saturday while Dad was at work . Friday night we had eaten all the chewies so Mom went to buy us some more because chewies made us quiet . I like chewies a lot , but Korra is crazy about them ! She coudl eat an entire one in about 2 minutes . I felt bad for her not having a chewie after she finished hers and Sasha and I still had one so I gave her my chewie and then I 'd go steal Sasha 's . Sunday Mom and Dad did some cleaning around the house and so we played and took naps . That night Mom and Dad made some very good smelling food ( that 's when Mom took the picture of us ) and we really wanted to be in the kitchen in case they dropped stuff but we were in the way so we blocked the path from the kitchen to the dining room . They ate and shared a little with us and then they opened gifts . I got Mom a new pair of pants she really wanted and I got Dad a cough muffler thing for hunting . Gunnar got Mom a fuzzy blanket that she loves and he got Dad some candy bars . Sasha got Mom some new underwear ( she has a thing about eating Mom 's underwear ) and then she said she got Dad some CD 's , but the snow that hit all of Colorado but us kept the mail from delivering on time so hopefully Dad will be getting the CD 's today . Then Mom got Dad a gift certificate to one of the hunting magazine places he buys stuff from . The mail also didn 't get the gift certificate here on time so Mom wrapped her e - mail confirmation . Silly Mom ! Mom got Dad an easel to work on her art work . It 's really pretty and they spentPosted by Hi again . I decided to check in again because I 'm bored and we all know how much trouble I get into when I 'm bored . First , Mom brought home the Christmas present I wanted to get for Dad . Now my gift to Dad is the only one under the tree for him . Mom says Sasha 's isn 't going to come in time for Christmas because of the snow . They keep talking about this HUGE snow storm here in Colorado , but there 's no snow at all ! I guess everywhere around us got snow and it closed highways and stuff . Aunt Cassie isn 't sure she can go home for Christmas , but that 's okay , she can come join us . So Sasha is upset her gift for Dad isn 't going to arrive in time . Gunnar 's is here , but Mom has to help him wrap it and Mom has to wrap hers for Dad too . Gunnar is getting very excited about opening gifts because there 's so many boxes under the tree . He said the boxes and wrapping paper are going to be a lot of fun to play in . I 'm just worried we 're going to loose Sasha in all that wrapping paper ! I also found some other dog blogs that I want to share with you . If you are a dog with a blog e - mail Mom and she 'll let me know ( HilarysDesigns @ yahoo . com ) . I decided to tell you about some of the ones I really like . The first one is Ranger . He 's a chocolate lab and he 's very funny . He also plays the same game with his Dad that I like to play with my Dad . Where Dad some how turns me upside down . Check our Ranger 's website for pictures of this . Mom has never taken our picture because she 's usually laughing too hard . I make funny growling noises while we 're playing this game that makes Mom laugh even harder . Ranger also has to stay out of the kitchen like I do and his Mom tells him out jsut like my mom does . I think Ranger 's Mom takes more pictures than my Mom does though and I didn 't think that was possible ! ! ! So anyway , check our Ranger 's blog . I 'll add him to my list of links . Merry Christmas ! ! Dad is going to go pick up Korra after work tonight and then Korra and I are going to play and have fun until Monday when her Dad comes to get her and then I get my bone ! I 'm still trying to find it , but Mom and Dad are very tricky . Dad was off yesterday and I tried to get him to tell me where it was , but he wouldn 't so I followed him around all day trying to see if he might accidently sow it to me . It didn 't happen though . Once in awhile I go up to the stocking around the fireplace and sniff to see if I they 're n the stockings yet . So far they aren 't there yet . Mom sais we 'll get them as soon as Korra leves Monday night . I 'm going to go make sure everything is ready for Korra . I have to maek sure the guest food dish is in the right spot and the spot where her bed is going to be is already for her bed and I have to make sure there 's enough chewies for all of us and anything else I can think of . Have a Merry Christmas everybody ! Mom made Christmas cookies last night so sasha and I helped ! Mom is very messy , especially with those colored sugar sprinkle things so Sasha and I kept the floor clean so Mom didn 't slip on the sugar and fall . Mom was upset with the cookies because they were all crunchy instead of soft like usually . I think they taste fine though . We also found out that my friend Korra might be coming to stay with us for the weekend for Christmas . Mom said that means we can 't have our Christmas presant until after she leaves though so there 's no fighting over it . That 's okay , Korra 's family will come get her the night of Christmas so we can have them then . I still haven 't figured out where they hid them . Mom lighting her candles that smell like cookies and then making cookies last night didn 't help at all . All the smells got mixed up and I couldn 't focus on the smell of the bones . I 'll find them though . I should go sniff for them now since nobody is home . I KNOW WHAT SASHA AND I ARE GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS ! ! ! ! ! NEW BONES ! ! ! ! I 'm so excited . We only have 1 bone left from last year and it 's okay , but there 's no flavor to it anymore and there 's no more of that stuff in the middle of it . Mom went to the store last night and when she came in the house I knew ! I knew before shewas in the door ! I could smell them ! Mom said I was a freak because it was in the plastic grocery bag and then they were wrapped in plastic . I could smell them though and I kept licking my lips . They were on the table for a long time , but then Dad took us outside and we came back in and they were moved . I 'll find them though . They think they 're sneaky , but I 'll find them . It seems like forever until Christmas ! ! ! Mom said we can have them Christmas Eve , which is the day before , but it still seems like a long time away ! I 'm going to be extra special good now that I know what I 'm getting ! I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! ! ! While Mom and Dad were gone Saturday , we go Mom 's Christmas presants . I can 't wait until Christmas . It 's a week from today . Mom said we 'll get our presants Sunday night though ! Then Saturday Aunt Gillian and Grandma are coming over to eat . That means lots of people to give us attention . Mom ordered our presants for Dad and said they probably won 't get here until Friday . I hope they make it on time or even early ! That would be better ! I can 't wait for Christmas ! ! ! I better go make sure Gunnar is leaving the presants alone ! They 're getting ready to leave after work tonight . Mom is still worried , but I tild her not to worry because I 'll take care of everything while they 're gone . She worries too much . She 'd probably be better if she slept better at night . I 'm not going to post whie they 're gone because I have to make sure I hear all the noises and am on allert at all times . They 're hoping to get back early in the afternoon so Mom can come check on me and not worry anymore and finish Christmas shopping . Have a great weekend everybody ! Mom and Dad leave tomorrow to help Aunt Cassie move and Mom is very worried about us . We 'll be okay and they 're coming home Saturday afternoon . Mom worries way too much . Grandma will take good care of us . I am a little bummed that we don 't get to go since they 're going to Wray , but they 're going to be busy and everything is going to be a little crazy so it 's probably better that we aren 't there in the way and stuff . Poor Mom . Gunnar keeps jumping up on the dining room table and getting in trouble . He says he knows the presants are up there and is trying to find out what they got him . I keep trying to tell him that they haven 't gotten our gifts yet and even if they have , they aren 't going to leave them on the table . The ones that are on the table are for the nieces and nephew that don 't live close . He doesn 't believe me though . When Mom and Dad see he 's been on the table , they make him spend time in the kennel . You 'd think that he 'd figure out that if he was good , he wouldn 't be put in the kennel . This just proves my point that Gunnar isn 't very smart , no matter what Mom and Dad say . I better go make sure he 's not up on the table right now . Bye ! I 'm very sorry I haven 't posted yet this week ! I can 't believe it 's already Wednesday and I haven 't posted . I really don 't have a good excuse either . Monday I was really tired because I spent 4 days home with Dad . I really like when he has that many days off like that . Aunt Gillina is also moving back to town . I 'm excited to get to play with Bailey again and to meet my cousins Bruitis and Dakota . Mom said we have to wait until they 're into their other house first . It sounds like there 's a lot of space to play at their new house . Aunt Cassie is also getting ready to move into her new place , too . Mom and Dad are going to help her go get her stuff this weekend . I 'm not sure who 's going to take care of us this weekend though . Hopefully someone really fun . I 'm gettng a little worried about Christmas , too . Today 's the 13th and there aren 't very many presants under the tree . There 's a couple and they don 't have any of our names on them . I know they usually put our presants in our stockings so we can 't get to them , but they don 't look like they have anything in them either . I know there 's a few things on the table that need to be wrapped , but I think those have to be shipped to the nieces and nephew in Wyoming and California so those won 't even go under the tree ! Hopefull something goes under the tree soon ! Just a quick update to tell you that Dad is home today and tomorrow and all weekend so I 'm very busy and won 't be able to post again until Monday . Have a great weekend everybody ! I am ! ! ! ! ! ! Mom and Sasha didn 't feel good last night so I was awake most of the night with them . Mom got up at 6 this morning to take a shower to try to make her feel better . I got up in the bed and made sure her spot stayed warm because I knew she 'd come back to bed since it was so early . She did but I was asleep when she came back in and so she had to push me out of the way . A little later Dad got up and let us out . Sasha said that she just had a tummy ache because she was worried about Mom . Dad came home for lunch the same time Mom did and Mom still wasn 't feeling very good . I hope she feels better soon . Mom being sick takes a lot out of us dogs because we worry about her . I 'm off to take another nap before everybody comes home . There 's not much going on today . The snow is starting to melt which means the backyard is really muddy which means I have to wipe my feet off before I come inside . I home Mom and Dad can gt grass to grow in the backyard this year because the mud really annoys me . They tried last year , but the backyard just didn 't want to cooperate . Neither did the front yard though . I like going to visit people with grass yards . I roll and roll and play and sleep . Mom takes us to the park down the street once in awhile to play in the grass , too . I get distracted by the tennis balls though . Mom says the people playing with the tennis balls in the big fenced area aren 't going to share their tennis balls and they 're practicing . They have tons of them though . I 'm sure they wouldn 't miss one . Mom hung a thing in the window at lunch that I 'm not sure I like . It 's a snowman that waves all the time . It 's solar powered and I will admit it is cute , but it 's in the window I use for guard duty and it looks like a shadow . I may have to convince Mom to move it to a different window . I 'm going to go take a nap now before Dad comes home for lunch . I had a very busy weekend . Friday Dad was off so I helped him with a few things around the house like splitting firewood and cleaning his guns from hunting . Saturday Mom and Aunt Cassie wre running some errands . Mom said Aunt Cassie found a place to rent which means she 'll me moving out soon . Sasha is very upset . Then they went to a birthday party later in the afternoon and Sasha and I got the house ready for kids . We watched the kids all night because their parents had a Christmas party to go to . After the party , Mom and Aunt Cassie brought the kids with them . It was a lot of fun . They played games and ate dinner . I like when the kids come for dinner because they don 't eat everything so that means Sasha and I eat their leftovers . Mom started a fire before Dad got off work which I thought was kind of weird . Mom hates keeping the fire going because she says the fire doesn 't like her . She get get it going , she just can 't keep it going . Poor Mom . Anyway , later the made smores in the fireplace . I love when the kids make smores when we 're camping and they were in our living room ! There 's usually no leftovers from smores because the kids eat all of them , but they have sticky hands afterwards and I love sticky hands . Mom told them not to let them me have any chocolate , but the little girl had a tiny bit on her hand that we didn 't tell Mom about . We stayed up late watching the new Superman movie . I guess you have to know who Superman is to understand what was going on . I fell asleep because I had no idea what was going on . Sunday morning Dad made breakfast and then went to work . We played games for awhile and then the dads came and got the kids . It was a lot of fun having the kids there this weekend , but now I 'm really tired . It 's a lot of work taking care of 3 kids . Saturday is snowed and was really cold so Sunday I played in the snow so that added to me being tired . Mom thought I was hilarous when I was throwing the snow up in the air with my nose and trying to catch it . I like making her laught because I usually get aPosted by Last night when we went to go outside for the last time it was snowing a little bit and then this morning when we went outside there was lots of snow ! It was great ! I love the snow ! I love to run in it . I always loose my toys in in though . I never did find my stick or my outside rope . Dad said not to worry , they 're still out there . Yesterday , Dad was off from work and spent all day with me . We put up the rest of the Christmas decorations and got the fire going really warm for Mom and Aunt Cassie ( they get cold a lot ) . Gunnar really liked the fire , too . He likes laying in front of the fireplace a lot . Mom took a picture of him the last time we had the fireplace going . Isn 't he funny ? I can 't wait for Christmas ! I 've been trying to listen to see what Mom and Dad are getting us . I really hope I get a new bone because last year 's bone isn 't as fun any more . I need a new bed , too though and of course we all need new toys and our very own bag of Shmakos would be great . I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! Mom was working really hard this weekend to get the house cleaned up and I wanted attention because Dad is gone and she got my rope out ! ! ! ! She let me play with my rope all day yesterday and today ! ! She even played with me a little with it . It was a lot of fun ! Since I was sleeping with Mom last night , I didn 't get to sleep with it last night . Dad will be home tonight though so maybe I 'll sleep with it tonight . Mom said that Dad will beat her home from work . I can 't wait to see Dad . I miss him a lot when he 's gone . I think once he gets home , we 're going to start planning the next pheasant hunting trip . I can 't wait for that either ! Mom put up some more Christmas decorations this weekend , too . I like Christmas decorations because they make the house look pretty and cute . I really like them because they put Mom in a baking mood . She starting to plan her yearly massive cookie baking that she does every year . I love when she bakes cookies ! ! ! ! I 'm in charge of cleaning the floor . I 'm going to go play with my rope some more before Dad gets home . Yesterday was kind of boring . Dad came and checked on us a couple times , but he didn 't bring us anything because he said the food wasn 't finished yet . So we were pretty bored . They came home and they had lots of yummy smelling leftovers and then they went to feed a friend 's cat and I couldn 't help it ! I helped myself to some pumpkin pie . This cat doesn 't live very far from us so they came home pretty quick and I felt bad and had my guilty look . If I hadn 't , they probably would have never known because it took Mom a long time to find it . I went straight to the kennel and stayed for a while . I didn 't whine at all because I knew I was bad . Then dad decided to put up Christmas decorations since he 's going hunting this weekend and won 't be around to help and he decided we all needed to be together while the decorating was going on so he let me out and I joined the sniffing of the boxes and the stuff coming out . They got the tree up and some of the decorations . Then we shut the lights off and all cuddled up and watched the lights blink and listened to music . The lights started to bother me after awhile and so Sasha and I went to bed . mom and Dad werwe really tired so they came to bed soon after that and Gunnar was tired from all the box sniffing he didn 't even make a bunch of noises before he decided to come to bed . When the alarm clock went off this morning , nobody moved for a long time until my bladder started hurting . Mom has been working on her website a little today and she said she needs to stop waiting so long to do that because the website she uses to work on her website has changed and she had to refigure things out . Since she worked so hard on it , be sure to check it out : Hilary 's Designs . Mom said that even though we can 't go to Grandma 's for Thanksgiving tomorrow , she 'll come check on us and bring us something . She 's not sure when she 'll come thoughbecause it depends on what everybody is doing and if she can get a car out of the driveway . This morning Mom decided Sasha isn 't as smart as she thought she was . Instead of using the bench like we all thought she would use all the time , she barked for Mom to pick her up . She got cold and wanted up and then when the alarm went off signaling we can get up on the bed for a morning snuggle , she did it again . I sort of thought it was funny , but pretended not to care . Monday night Mom made some pecan pies ( I cleaned up the floor for her like everytime she bakes ) and then last night she baked rolls , tonight she said she has to make 2 more pecan pies ! I guess the first 2 were for Aunt Gillian and Aunt Cassie . Last night the bread smell was making me really hungry . When she took them out of the oven though Mom and Dad gave us a little piece and WOW ! ! ! They were yummy ! ! ! Instead of bringing us something tomorrow , she should just leave those here ! ! ! Dad really liked them , too which meant we didn 't get very big pieces from him . HAPPY THANKSGIVING ! ! ! ! Dad decided to go ahead and go hunting this weekend . He 's not going to be gone for very long , but I still don 't like it . There 's been a lot going on in our neighborhood the past couple weeks at night and I really don 't want to be the only one to take care of the noises at night . He 's going to leave Saturday night and come home Monday so that won 't be too bad , but we 're still going to miss him a lot . I 'm going to talk Mom into going to get us hamburgers maybe Sunday for lunch . Aunt Cassie left a little bit ago to go spend Thanksgiving with her family and so Mom , Sasha and I should do something fun . Sasha has figured out the new becnch at the bottom of the bed is for her . She got cold last night and instead of waking Mom up to put her up on the bed , she went straight to the bench and jumped up on the bed . She still uses my bed to get off the bed though . Mom says she 's such a smart puppy for learning to do that so fast . If she is so smart , then why is she locked up in the kennel right now ? Cuz she doesn 't come when she 's called and it makes Mom really mad . Right before we went outside Mom got out a bunch of chewies and since Sasha didn 't hide any before we went outside and now she 's locked up and Gunnar doesn 't like chewies THEY ' RE ALL MY CHEWIES ! ! ! ! I 'm going to go tease Sasha a little with the chewies before Dad comes home for lunch and lets her out . I heard Mom and Dad talking last night and they 're starting to plan the next pheasant hunting trip and this time there might be a few more people come along . I can 't wait ! ! I love going hunting ! Don 't tell Mom and Dad , but they 've forgotten about the boots thing . I 'm supposed to wear them a couple times a week to get used to them and I haven 't . Mom has to get some baking done for Thanksgiving so hopefully they 'll totally forget about it ! shhhhhhhI don 't think we 're going to get to go to Grandma 's for Thanksgiving with Mom and Dad because there 's going to be a bunch of people there and Mom doesn 't want us to accidently knock the turkey fryer over or get in the way in the kitchen ( we really like to help in the kitchen ) . Mom said she 'd take pictures of Dad frying the turkey though . They got the fryer as a wedding gift a year and a half ago and haven 't used it yet and since they 're going to need 2 turkeys , they decided they better go buy oil for it . I probably won 't post on Thanksgiving even though I 'll be home because there 's a good chance Dad might come get us and I want to be ready . I 'll post again tomorrow ! Bye Remember how I was really excited about my boots coming ? Well , that 's over . They 're here and I don 't like them . They 're my favorite color and they 're for me and nobody else and I hate them . Dad says they 'll help with my cactus and sticker problem , but I would rather deal with the stickers and cactus . Dad says I have to get used to them by wearing them around a couple nights a week . So far I haven 't worn them again , but I have a feeling it 's coming soon . The good part is , they 're talking about getting a pair for Sasha because she always ends up making Mom come get her if there 's a lot of snow in the yard . She says he feet get too cold . Dad says my boots will be cooler than Sasha 's , but I 'm thinking any kind of boot isn 't fun . Of course Mom took pictures of the first time I had my boots on . Luckily she couldn 't figure out how to make the video thing work . Notice how unhappy I look . Sorry I haven 't posted in a couple days . It took me 2 days to recover from this weekend . I had a BLAST ! ! Dad said we 're going again next month and I can 't wait ! ! We didn 't get anything this time because it was too windy . I have some funny stories and Mom took a bunch of pictures of us . The frist day we really couldn 't hunt because the season didn 't open until Saturday , but we did some scouting and I got to chase rabbits . Saturday we went out a little later in the morning because Dad wasn 't feeling very good . That was okay because I got to play with Cinnamon a little ( she 's a rescued dog too and has a type of hound in her I have no idea how to spell ) . Dad and I went out for a little while and I was working on flushing some birds . I was doing pretty good , but the birds kept flying towards the house so Dad couldn 't shoot at them or they were the hen and Dad said he 's not supposed to shoot at them . I tried to convince him that nobody would ever know , but he said no . I just really wanted him to shoot the gun . After awhile I was doing some more flushing and all of a sudden there was an animal I didn 't know what it was ! I don 't think it knew what I was either . We were both very surprised . I flushed it just in case Dad wanted to shoot at it . He said it was a deer . He 'd already gone deer hunting this year . That 's were he went when I had to protect the house . Now I know what he 's doing when he goes on those trips . Anyway , I chased it a little bit , but Dad called me back and we went back to work . A little bit later I chased something else I didn 't know what it was . I have to remember never to do that again . Dad said it was called a " tumble weed . " Not exactly sure what they 're for or what they do , but chasing them is a little fun , but catching them is bad . The taste really bad and they have pointy things that hurt my mouth . We went back to the house and had lunch and then went out for a little bit longer . This time I flushed a good pheasant Dad could shoot at and he didn 't ! ! Cuz he had to duck ! I laughed because it was really Posted by Dad went to drop Mom off at work then he has to go to work real quick this morning and then he 's coming home to load the car and then we wait for Mom and Aunt Cassie to get home and then we leave and WOOOHOOOOOO ! ! ! ! ! ! I am way too excited to do anything but be hyper . Mom put our bag in the pile of stuff to load in the car and now I 'm really really really really hyper and I think I 'm going to pass out because my brain is feeling kind of funny but I 'm okay really . . . . I think . Since Aunt Cassie is coming with us that means Mom is riding in the back seat with Sasha and I which means we 'll have someone to sit with in the back seat and I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! I 'm going to go get some water now . Have a great weekend . I AM ! ! I can 't wait ! ! ! ! My boots aren 't going to get here until Friday though so I won 't be able to use them , but that 's okay . That will give me time to get used to them before the next trip . Before Mom left this morning she told Sasha and I that ef there 's anything else we want packe to be sure to let her know so that she can pack it tonight so it will be ready for Dad to load tomorrow and I jumped up in my chair and starte sniffing the leashes . Mom laughed and said " Don 't worry Kaos , the leashes will get packed . They 'll be one of the last things so we can find them easy when we stop for a potty break . " OH YEAH ! ! ! I knew that , but I forgot ! I get soooooooo excited I forget things sometimes ! I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! It 's going to be so much fun ! ! ! ! ! WOOOOHOOOOO ! ! ! ! ! Even if I do have time to post tomorrow I might be too excited so I will post Monday . Probably afternoon though because I plan on spending most of the morning resting because I plan on having TONS of fun this weekend ! ! ! ! I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Mom and Dad think it 's cute when Gunnar hugs his scratching post . Personally , I don 't get it . It 's this thing covered in carpet by his food dish . I don 't think they realize he uses it to sharpen his claws ! If they got rid of the post then Mom wouldn 't have to clip his nails ! Mom says she 's never had a cat who 's nails got so long . If she hasn 't cut them for awhile then they get so long that he has trouble walking and he clicks on the hardwood floors . It 's funny , he 'll be walking and all of a sudden get stuf to the carpet . They still let him scratch on the post though . Mom says its so he wont ' scratch the furniture . Not exactly sure how that works though . He likes to lay on it and wrap his arms around it like he 's hugging it . Mom says he 's really cute from the other angle , but she can never get a picture of him from the other side because he doesn 't like his picture taken . He doesn 't know that if Mom 's taking your picture , you 're being good and you better stay being cute for her so later when you 're being bad she can look at those pictures and remember when you were cute and won 't get as mad . There 's only a few days left before we leave ! ! I can 't wait ! ! ! ! ! It doesn 't look like my boots are going to be here in time which is a bummer , but I 'll just have to be really careful . Dad and I have a lot to do on Thursday before Mom and Aunt Cassie get off work . Grandma is going to come feed Gunnar and Mom 's fish so if my boots come after we leave , Grandma will take care of them . Hopefully they 'll come on Thursday though and I can spend the day getting used to them and I 'll have them for hunting . I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! Mom asked me if there 's anything else I want to pack and as long as I have my hunting rope , chewies and treats I 'll be okay . She packed some toys too to keep Sasha entertained and in case I get bored at night ( I plan on sleeping though ) . I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! ! I 'm going to go pick on Gunnar now . He 's really going to miss me ! Saturday I was home with Mom all day and we were pretty lazy , but Sasha and I spent a lot of time outside . Well , Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch and I wanted to get up with themm . I ended up laying across Mom 's lap . I guess I was more tired than I thought I was because I was totally out . Mom said she kept tring to wake me up so she could move her leg . I guess I was laying there for almost 2 hours ! ! I didn 't wake up until Dad decided it was time to go outside and then I Mom and Dad finally woke me up . I went outside and then curled up beside Mom on the couch and when it was time to go to bed I went straight to my bed instead of curling up with Mom for awhile . Mom said I don 't make a very good lap dog , but obviously she makes a very good lap bed because I was very comfy . Her and Dad were both rubbing my ears and petting me which made it really easy to go to sleep like that . Dad ordered my boots but it doesn 't look like they 're going to get here in time . I 'll just have to try to becarful . Pheasant season doesn 't start until Saturday so on Friday we 're going to go look top see if we can find where they 're hiding and we can hutn for rabbits that day . I can 't wait ! ! ! Mom packed our stuff and has started getting her stuff ready . She charged all the batteries in the camera and is ready to take some cool pictures of us . Dad has the guns ready and all the camo and orange stuff ready . OH Dad ordered me orange boots . He thought about the camo ones and if one comes off while we 're hunting an orange one would be easier to find than a camo . That 's okay , Blaze Orange is my favorite anyway . Dad is off Thursday and we leave Thursday night . I don 't think I 'll post Thursday because I have to help Dad get everything ready . I have to make sure he doesn 't forget anything . Sasha won 't help because she had to have a bath yesterday for the trip and now she 's mad . I wanted Mom to take a picture of Sasha after bath so I could show you how funny she looked but Sasha went and hid under the bed until she was dry so we couldn 't get the pictPosted by Dad 's Home Today ! He 's getting Mom 's tires fixed right now , but for the most part I get to spend all day with Dad ! ! Woo Hoooo ! ! ! Have a great weekend everybody ! Okay , Mom complains if I lay on the sheets in the bed because I get dirt in the bed so I try to stay on the blankets . Last night she got into bed and I was laying on the bed waiting for her and you know what she asked ? " Kaos , why haven 't you warmed up the sheets ? " I have her the " you 're kidding right ? " look . She laughed and said " Oh yeah , cuz of the dirt . " Silly Mom ! This morning I got confused . We did our normal morning routine except that when we came back in side , Mom wasn 't where she was normally . I looked all over the house for her and looked outside . I thought there 's noway she would leave without telling me bye ! Dad couldnm 't figure out what my problem was and gave us chewies and opened the door for me to see out . I couldn 't see Mom 's car because it was on the otherside of Aunt Cassie 's and so I just knew Mom left without saying bye to me ! ! Dad made me go down the hall with him and he opened the bathroom door and there was Mom in the shower ! I KNEW she wouldn 't leave without saying bye to me ! ! Everything was okay so I got my chewie and layed in the living room just in case anybody else thought about leaving without saying bye to me . Okay , there weren 't as many people last night as ther were last year and there weren 't very many cute little kids . It was mostly middle school and high school kids . Mom said she was sad she didn 't get to see little kids last night . The boys and Cara did come over though and at first I didn 't recognize them and then all of a sudden I realized who it was and felt bad so I gave them all kisses . I didn 't recognize them in their outfits . One was a ninja and he had a mask over his face so I really didn 't like that , the one that was supposed to be an indian was actually a dracula type thing and then the girl was a witch with spider stuff printed on her dress . They were pretty cute . I was glad when the bell stopped ringing . I slept really good last night because I was so tired . Tonight Grandma 's coming over for dinner . I 've had a bunch of visitors this week ! I 'm going to go rest up now . Happy Halloween everybody ! I don 't like Halloween much because people keep ringing the door bell and I don 't get to see who it is or even get to play with them . This weekend I had lots of visitors . The boys even came over for a slumber party ! Tonight they 're coming over again , but not for very long and if I remember right they won 't look like themselves . They were telling Mom and Dad they 're going to be an Indian and a Ninja . I 'm not sure what either of those look like , but I 'm sure they 're going to require some sniffing . The little girl said she 's going to be a spidergirl . I don 't think that 's a good idea though . Gunnar and Dad kill spiders for Mom ! I 'll try to make sure they don 't squish her though . I switched over to Blogger Betta ( no clue what that means ) and Mom has been telling me some of the cool things I can do . I want to start a friend 's list so if you would like to be included in my list e - mail Mom at HilarysDesigns @ yahoo . com or leave me a comment . We need your name and your link to your blog . I 'd like to put a picture in too , but I 'll have to ask Mom for help on that . I know how to do it in a blog , but that side bar stuff still makes me a little confused sometimes . OH ! I almost forgot ! ! Dad is ordering my boots today . Last night Mom and Dad tried measuring my feet . I wasn 't sure what they were doing . I thought we were playing a weird game . It was funny and Mom and Dad were laughing . Dad says we need to get my boots ordered so that I 'll have them for pheasant hunting in a couple of weeks . He wants to make sure I get used to them before we go hunting . I can 't wait ! Last year I kept getting into things that hurt my feet and I spent most of the time trying to get pokey things out of my feet . This year I won 't have to worry about that ! I 'm sure Mom will take pictures of me in my boots once they come . It 's cold today so I 'm going to go make a nest on Mom and Dad 's bed and take a nap . That drives Mom crazy ! She says she puts the plankets over the bed to make sure I don 't get dirt in the bed , but it 's much more cPosted by I forgot to tell you about Sasha 's birthday ! Mom and Dad gave her a new bed so she 'll hopfully stay out of my bed . It seems okay for now . They gave it to her before Dad left for hunting so Dad could see what she would do . She loves it . Mom put it in the spot of her old bed and put her blankie on it and she doesn 't try to sleep in my bed anymore ! Cool huh ! On Sasha 's birthday and on Mom 's birthday we got cheese ! ! ! It was great ! ! Have a great weekend everybody ! Mom 's making cookies and I help her keep the kitchen clean while she 's doing it . I take care of the floor for her . She 's very messy . Sometimes I think she does it on purpose . What do you think of the changes I 've made to my site ? Mom and I went ahead and switched our blogs to the Blogger Beta and so far it seems pretty cool . I think it 's less confusing and now I have my picture on the top of the page all the time so everybody knows how cute I am . It 's really nice having Dad home again . he has his hunting stuff in the living room still cuz he needs to go through it to wash stuff and fix some stuff and Gunnar keeps trying to get into stuff so I try to keep him out and they we both get into trouble because we 're being too rough . While Dad was gone Mom took pictures of us . This is pretty much what we did while Dad was gone . I guess that 's pretty much what we do when he 's home , but when he 's gone there 's a lot of whining and woofing at weird noises . Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! Dad is home ! I sleot sooooooo good last night ! I 've been very busy all weekend making sure the house was safe and all the creepy noises were taken care of . Dad came home last night and I was very excited ! Sasha and I got to go outside with Dad and he scratched out ears and rubbed our tummies and loved us a bunch ! Mom was very happy , too . Mom slept much better with Dad home . Now we are getting ready for pheasant hunting Novemener 10th . Dad said he needs to order my boots so I don 't hurt my feet again . I CAN ' T WAIT ! I 'm going to go take a nap now . All this excitement is wearing me out . Aunt Gillian sent another picture of my new cousin Bruitis and I wanted to share it with all of you . Isn 't he funny ? Dad is loaded up and pretty much ready to go . When he gets off work he 's going to grab something to eat and then they 're leaving . Mom said I can sleep in the big bed tonight as long as I don 't take up too much space . I told her I 'd try not to . There 's so much space to stretch out on the big bed though ! During the day I like to go into the room and move the blankets around and make a nice cozy nest area . Mom says I 'm not supposed to do that because I get dirt in the bed . But it 's so much more comfy that way ! ! ! I 'll try to post tomorrow but I don 't think I 'll be able to during the weekend . Mom and Sasha 's birthdays are this weekend so we 'll be busy . I think we get cheese on Sasha 's birthday ! ! It 's cold outside . I wouldn 't mind it so much if there was snow out there to play in . Sasha has been acting weird lately . Usually you dont ' ' have to call her to come inside if it 's cold outside , she 's waiting by the door for someone to let her in . Here lately though I get inside and Mom tells me to go get her and it sometimes takes me 3 times ! It 's really annoying . I get in where it 's warm then have to go out in the cold then back and forth a couple more times . I like running though so it 's ok . I 'm going to go curl up on the couch in Mom 's HUGE blanket for an afternoon nap . The blanket is big enough for Sasha and I both to make nests in for an afternoon nap . Mom lets us too ! She even spreads it out to make it easier for us to make our nests . We 're so loved ! ! ! ! Mom got the pictures ! This is me checking out the scenary . Here I 'm thinking about running over to the creek and jumping in . We stopped so Mom could take some cool pictures and she took one of me ! This was after the snake incident . Dad was looking for some more goards and Mom was holding one and I really wanted her to throw it . She 's tricky ! She held the goard up by the camera so it looks like I 'm looking at the camera . To tell you the truth , I didn 't even notice there was a camera there . This picture wasn 't from the weekend , but it gives you an idea of what I 've been doing since then . This is Sasha sniffing for birds or squirrels . She was really tired at the end of the day because the grass was so much taller than her . Which is probably why she saw the snake and nobody else did . This was back at the truck . Sasha was waiting very patiently for me to finish my drink of water . We went on our adventure Saturday and it was GREAT ! I couldn 't run off the rope because there were other people up there and Dad said it was opening day of 1st season . No clue what that means . Mom got some really AWESOME pictures . She forgot to take her camera this morning to work to get the pictures off because she was running late was trying to remember the stuff for her doctor 's appointment this afternoon . I 'll try to remind her tomorrow . Dad pointed out some REALLY big elk foot prints that were really cool to see . There were a lot of different footprints in the run off areas from the creek near by . We went up through a meadow and Dad and I stepped over a patch of tall grass and then Sasha started to go through and jumped back . There was a snake in the grass . Mom and Aunt Cassie said Sasha saved their lives . Dad said it was just a bull snake . I don 't know the difference between snakes so if Dad says it 's no big deal , I 'm sure it is . Mom was saying that Sasha must only like to hunt stuff that has feathers or fur . Me too ! ! I just don 't catch them and kill htem . I let Dad do that part . We went back to the runnoff area because everything was making Mom jumpy . On the way back Mom found a goard . I have no idea what those are but it looked like a tennis ball and I really wanted Mom to throw it so I could chase it . Dad found some more and they 're going to use them for fall decorations . I 'm sure they 'd be much better as a fetching toy . We went back to the truck and went to get some lunch and went home . I rode in the back of the truck and on the way home , I got up on the deck and layed by one of the side windows and rested because I was so tired . I didn 't get to play in the creek this time which was a bummer , but Mom said it would have been really cold water . That 's okay with me ! I got to do lots of other cool stuff though . Sunday Mom and Dad went to visist some family and Aunt Cassie took care of us . She didn 't have to do much because we slept most of the day because we were so tired . When Mom and Dad came home they smellePosted by Mom and Dad were talking last night and Mom really wants to go take fall pictures and we 're going up to an area so Dad can show Mom some flood damage from the summer . Aunt Cassie is coming too so I get to ride in the back of the truck ! I love riding in the truck ! Front and back ! I can 't wait ! It was really cold this morning I hope it 's not too cold tomorrow . I 'll be running around and warm , but Sasha doesn 't do very good off her leash and gets cold really easy so she 'll have to stay on her leash and not run around as much . I can 't wait ! There was something else I was going to tell you about , but I have no idea what it was now because I 'm too excited about going on an adventure ! I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! It 's been kind of cold lately and Sasha 's whining about it . Sasha 's mad Mom got her hair cut again right before it started getting cold . Poor Mom does that every year . Sasha has to have a haircut at the end of the summer ( not as short as the first summer one though ) and Mom tries really hard to make sure that it isn 't going to get really cold after her haircut , but weather changes fast in Colorado . Sasha 's doing a good job of keeping warm though . The first picture she curled up in a couple of the pillows from the couch and the second picture Mom put her up in bed after she got out of bed so Sasha curled up in Mom 's warm spot in the big bed . Gunnar is also more cudley when it gets colder , but he doesn 't stick around for the camera so I don 't have any cute picture of him trying to keep warm . Dad started messing with the fireplace lst night . He brought in the wood tub and filled it and Mom has to get her candles out of the fireplace now . She has this cool thing for the summer that looks like logs of wood and she puts little candles in it and it looks like a fire . Gunnar 's excited about the fire place getting ready . He likes to lay on the bed Mom put down between the couch and fireplace when the fire is going . He lays there all night when the fire 's going . Sasha doesn 't like the popping noises or the noises the wood makes when it moves . Last year there was some wood that made squeeling noises . Dad explained why but I can 't remember and Sasha didn 't care . I like helping Dad bring in the wood , but he doesn 't like me to help because I don 't want to give back the stick . It 's been really hard to leave the stick alone this morning . They 're just sitting in the tub and I want to go get one , but I 'm being a good girl so I won 't do that . . . . . maybe . I 'm going to go curl up in Mom 's blanket she left on the couch . No , Mom and Dad didn 't adopt another kid . This is my new cousin Bruitis . My Aunt Gillian said he 's Uncle Joe 's dog . She said that my cousin Bailey likes having someone to play with besides the cats ( her cats aren 't fun like myne is ) . They really aren 't sure what breed he is . He 's got a lot of mixes in him . Isn 't he cute ? He 's 2 1 / 2 years old so he 's around my age . Welcome to the family Bruitis ! I can 't wait to meet you ! ! This weekend was cool ! Dad had to work but Mom and Aunt Cassie stayed home all day Saturday and let Sasha and I in and out all day . Sasha thinks there 's something living in the wood pile so she 's trying to get it . Mom said Sasha 's driving her crazy and if he isn 't good I get her birthday present ! I know they got her a new bed . There 's no way I 'll fit in it , plus I love my bed so I 'm hoping Mom is talking about the cheese ! Sunday we didn 't go outside much because it rained all day . That wasn 't much fun . But , Mom payed attention to me alllll day ! I even curled up on the couch with her and watched NASCAR ! She fell asleep , but I woke her up so she could see who won the race . There was a big wreck at the end so she was happy to get to see the end . It 's still kind of yucky weather today and I 'm a little bored . Mom and Aunt Cassie curled up in Mom 's HUGEMUNGOUS blanket that Mom crocheted last night and left it on the couch and so I 've been curled up in it most of the morning . It 's nice and warm , but I 'm still bored . I was so happy that Mom helped me make a nice little nest in the blanket that I forgot to ask her for chewies ! I 'll remember to ask at lunch though . That 's in a half hour ! WOOHOO ! ! Talk to everybody later ! Dad is pretty much ready for hunting . He keeps messing with his pack and adding more to it and rearranging it and it 's driving me crazy ! Mom and I have decided not to act happy for him at all while he 's doing all this . Mom said we 'll have to go through this again in Novemeber . BUT she also said that it looks like we 're going for opening weekend of pheasant hunting ! WOOHOO ! ! Mom said they bought Sasha 's birthday presant last night . They said it will hopefully help with her stealing my bed all the time . I 'm not sure what that means . Maybe they got a special security system to go around my bed that nobody but me can lay on it . I doubt that though . We 'll find out after Dad goes hunting . He leaves the day before Sasha 's birthday and then comes home the day after Grandma 's birthday . That 's funny that Sasha 's birthday is the 21st , Mom 's is the 22nd and Grandma 's is the 23rd . Dad said it 's easier to remember them that way . He 's leaving though so it 's up to me to wish everyone a happy birthday on the right day ! Oh well , I can handle it . I 'm going to go pick on Gunnar now before Mom comes home for lunch . Last night Dad got down on the floor with me and we wrestled ! I love wrestling ! I got a little too rough though and caught Dad with a tooth so I had to calm down and when I did I got a belly rub . I love belly rubs ! I was really tired after that so I curled up in the chair next to Mom and she petted my head . It was a GREAT night ! Mom also got her new photography on her website ( http : / / www . HilarysDesigns . bravehost . com ) . Here is one of my favorites : I 've been there ! I didn 't get to go this year , but I went last year . These are he last building left of a minging town called Holy Cross City . I sniffed all those rock there to the right and inside that first building . Check out Mom 's website to see her new stuff . Yesterday Mom and Dad went to Visit Aunt Gillian for her birthday and when they came home I smelled Bailey on them . I almsot tripped Mom because I was sniffing her pants so much . I wish I could have gone with them to see Bailey , but they were taking Aunt Cassie 's nice car . I can 't wiat until Mom gets new tires on her car . Then I can go with them to see Bailey . Sasha got her haircut Thursday . I was gettng really tired of everybody telling her how cute she is but then Dad was talking to the neighbor . He is going to put up a new fence to keep Lucky in the yard ( and hopefully make him stop barking so much ) . The 2 little girls that live at the house wanted to throw my stick for me so the neighbor lifted them over the fence and they threw the stick for me a lot ! It was great ! They 're so cute ! ! ! They have pretty good arms on them too ! I had a lot of fun and the attention wasn 't on Sasha IT WAS ON ME ! ! ! ! I tried giving Mom the sad eyes at lunch today to get her to stay hmoe with us and play with me , but it didn 't work . I love when Mom stays home ( if she 's not sick ) because she loves to bake and she ; s a very msessy baker so I get to clean the floor lots . I REALLY loved when she made cookies for Dad because the cookies would always stick to the pan bad and she 'd have to scrape the pans really good and of course would miss the trash . She got new pans though and the cookies don 't stick to them . Mom did find some crums for me though . Last night she made cinnamon rolls for breakfast at work . Mom let us try a little piece and I think they are very yummy . It took a long time for them to bake though and the mess was mostly that white powder that mom calls " flower " ( doesn 't smell or look pretty though ) and I don 't like that stuff very much . I 'm going to go take a nap now on Mom and Dad 's bed . Gunnar has been on Aunt Cassie 's all weekend and all day today so I haven 't gotten to pick on him very much . Sasha keep shiding because of her haircut so I can 't pick on her either ! Mom needs a job where she can stay at home with me all day ! ThaPosted by Mom and Dad give us chewies all the time . Sasha and I usually argue about who gets what one and who gets the last one . Mom says they are good for our teeth and gums . We really don 't care about that . We just like chewing on them . Mom says they 're better for me than her pens , but her pens are fun to chew on too . That usually makes her mad though so the chewies are better . Sasha 's birthday is next month . I hope Mom and Dad get her a big bone like they did for me . I 'll let her have what she wants , but she 's little so she won 't eat too much of it . Sasha is also getting a haircut tomorrow . It think it 's funny because she hates it so much . I hope Dad takes me when he goes to drop her off and pick her up cuz I ' LL GET TO RIDE IN THE TRUCK ! Aunt Cassie will also be here tomorrow night so I don 't know how much I 'll get to post for awhile . I 'll get on when I can though . BYE ! Last night Mom and Dad loaded some boxes into the truck and I was a little nervous . I don 't like moving and it looked like that 's what was going on . Sasha told me not to worry , her and Mom have moved a lot and there 's a ton more boxes involved . Sasha was right . Mom had cleaned out the spare bedroom for Aunt Cassie to stay in and needed a spot to store the boxes so Grandma said she could store them in her basement and Sasha and I got to go when they took them over ! ! I ran all over Grandma 's yard and sniffed everything . Sasha started to run off towards the road and didn 't come when she was called so she had to go on the leash but I didn 't ! After the boxes were in the house we got to go inside and we ran all over the upstairs . We didn 't go in the basement though . We don 't like the stairs . They 're too slippery . After a fe minutes of talking to Grandma we had to go home . This time I got to ride in the back up on the deck . I put my head through the window to sniff the air , but Dad was afraid I would get my nose stuck or squished if the cab and the back cover flexed funny . I still had fun . I love riding anywhere in the truck ! ! Yesterday when Mom let us out at lunch I caught a squirrell that fell off the wire and then Sasha got it from me . Mom called us in and at first couldn 't figure out what Sasha had in her mouth . Mom didn 't know I had anything to do with the squirrel so shhhhhh ! Anyway , when Mom figured out what it was she started yelling at Sasha to drop it . Sasha wanted to take it in the house really bad , but Mom didn 't want her to . I don 't blame her ! It 's a dead animal ! I 'm all about going hunting , but I don 't like dead animals in my mouth ! Mom kept yelling at Sasha to drop it . Mom forgot I 'm the one that drops things when told . . . . most of the time . Sasha wouldn 't drop it so Mom smacked her butt and she dropped it and Mom used her foot to block Sasha from the squirrel and scooted her into the house . Sasha really wanted to get it so I followed right behind her and while Mom moved it away from the doorway I made sure Sasha didn 't get out . Mom called Dad and he came home a few minutes later to get rid of it real quick so it wasn 't there when she let us out after work . We searched the yard for it when Mom let us out but we couldn 't find it . Sasha was really upset , but Mom was glad it was gone . Mom still won 't let Sasha give her kisses . That 's okay , it gives me more chances to give Mom kisses . Mom said she saw Sasha eating poop before she left for work so the squirrel sort of made it official that Sasha 's tongue wasn 't allowed near anybody for awhile . Mom says she doesn 't understand why the prissy dog is the one with gross stuff in her mouth . I guess being prissy doesn 't mean you 're very smart . I 'm going to go pick on Gunnar now before Mom gets home . Mom has the pictures fro the August trip finally up . There aren 't any pictures of me so if you don 't go it 's ok . The link is : http : / / www . SprwagmanAdventures . bravehost . com and click on the 2006 Trips tab and they 're at the top . It looks like they had fun , but not as much as if I had been there . Dad was working on a Jeep for a guy this weekend and he cut his finger really bad . Mom wasn 't feeling good because she started some new medication and helping Dad clean his hand made her feel worse . She was supposed to have the room for Aunt Cassie ready over the weekend , but after that , she curled up on the couch and I curled up under her on the floor . Dad cleaned out his cut and put a big bandaid on it and then went back to work on the Jeep . Mom agreed with me that he should have taken a break . I would have made sure he was taking a break , but I needed to stay inside with Mom to make sure she was okay . It was tough making sure everyone was okay all weekend . Finally , Sunday Dad used the big brown bottle on his finger . Obviously my cut was better because he didn 't even act like it hurt him . He did it again last night and same thing ! He said his is started to heal pretty good , but Mom thinks that 's just because he doesn 't want to go to the doctor . Mom 's also been making sure the spare bedroom door is shut tight so we can 't get into stuff in the spare room . Gunnar gave our secret away that we could get in there . He spoiled the fun for everybody ! I got it open today though . She said she 's going to try to finish the room tonight and from looking at the mess , it looks like I 'm not going to get much attention from mom tonight . There 's stuff everywhere ! She 's feeling much better now so maybe she 'll be able to do it . I 'll help her as much as I can . I 'll make sure Gunnar stays out of the way , too . Mom will be home in an hour so I better make sure I can get the door to shut . Dad didn 't come home for lunch today because his new job is keeping him very busy , but he 'll be home around 5 so that 's cool and Mom couldn 't come home either because she had a lucky pot . I have no idea what that means , but she takes food to work once a month for a birthday lucky pot . I gues everybody brings food and they add it to a pot or something and make something weird . I wish Mom would finish this room because it 's a pain getting the door open to come post . They keep the door shut because Gunnar likes to come in and mess with stuff . They think they 're keeping me out too so I don 't get the stuffed animals , but the door doesn 't latch very good and I 'm big enough to open and close it myself . It 's almost time for kids to get out of school so I have to go bark at them if they get near my yard now . Mom and Dad have a mercahndise shop with 4 - wheeling stuff and Mom 's art . Mom said last night that there were new colors for the baby stuff you should check them out . They 're really cute . Here 's the pictures and the link to the store : http : / / www . cafepress . com / HilarysDesignsI haven 't been able to get into this room to post because Mom is trying to get it ready for Aunt Cassie to come stay with us for awhile . I 'm so excited ! She can pay attention to Sasha while I get all the attention from Mom and Dad . Woohoo ! I better go see what Gunnar 's doing now . I 've been trying to keep him in line for Mom and Dad . Mom has some of the pictures posted on http : / / www . SprwagmanAdventures . bravehost . com . It looks like they had a lot of fun . I really wish I could have gone , but it sort of sounds like it was a good thing I wasn 't there . Poor Mom kept switching vehicles since the Big Jeep wasn 't there and there was lots of rain which meant I wouldn 't have been able to run around as much . It 's okay , I 'm getting ready for November . That 's hopefully when the first pheasant hunting trip will be . October Dad will go for deer and I 'll have to take care of Mom and then in November he goes for elk and I 'll have to take care of Mom then too . I can 't wait to go hunt for pheasants and rabbits ! ! Dad took me bird hunting Friday and I had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of fun ! ! ! ! We went on a drive that wasn 't too far and we parked and I got out and started sniffing around and then we walked a little ways and guess what I saw ! A CREEK ! ! ! ! ! It wasn 't a very deep creek so I couldn 't go swimming , but I layed in it and rolled around . It was a blast ! ! Then I had to get back to work . I walked aroudn with Dad for awhile . There were a bunch of squirels running around and they were starting to annoy me so I chased one . After a couple minutes I realized Dad was going to be mad at me . Dad finally found me and yelled at me and said he was glad to see me . I guess for awhile he thought I was gone gone . I sort of didn 't know where I was so it 's agod thing Dad did find me . Dad still doesn 't know what I chased . The squirels didn 't annoy me anymore after that because they saw me chase their friend off . Well , when we started abck to the truck so I could get somethign to drink Dad saw a bear paw print on top of one of his . It was a small young bear , but still not good . We weren 't having any luck in that spot anyway so we got in the truck and moved to a different spot . I really want to rest after the chase , but Dad told me no way . we got out at the new spot and walked for awhile and dad shot at 3 birds and got 1 . I went over to is and stood by it so he knew where it was . He put it in the bird bag and we went to find some more . We couldn 't find any so Dad decided to do some training . He threw the bird and told , me to fetch it . I knew he wanted me to bring the bird to him instead of staying by it and I tried a couple times . Have you ever had a dead bird in your mouth ? I know I 'm a dog and I lick my own butt and everything , but I do not like dead birds in my mouth ! They 're yucky and they feel funny . The other times I went and say by the bird and once I layed down to show Dad where it landed , but I was really tired . On the way home I tried to get comfortable in the truPosted by Here 's the pictures Mom took of the stom on Saturday . She couldn 't get them yesterday because she was having computer trouble at work . This is a picture Mom took during the rain . That 's not fog , that 's the rain coming down with some hail in it . The trailer you see off to the right stuck their weather station out about the same time and measures the wind to go 112 mph ! That 's fast ! ! There was a bunch of water in the back of the truck that is right there in front of the picture . Even though I think it would have been really fun to play in all that wat er , I 'm glad I wasn 't there . These are the pictures of the clouds Mom took after the storm . She said it was still raining at this time , but not too bad . They look kind of creepy to me . I 'm really glad I wasn 't there ! Mom said this was the way out and the reason they got home so late . The picture on the left is on the road and the picture on the right is just right of the road . They said when they went through that morning that was a dry ditch . That would have been a lot of fun to play in if it wasn 't going so fast and if there weren 't trees and stuff going down so fast . I am sooo glad I wasn 't there ! I 'm going to go pick on Gunnar now . I 've been doing that a lot lately just because I think he needs it . OH ! I almost forgot ! How could I forget this ! ! ! I 'm not going to post tomorrow because I 'm going to be very busy hopefully ! Dad is off tomorrow and tomorrow starts a hunting season for birds . I don 't know what kind and I really don 't care what kind ! I GET TO GO RUN AROUND TOMORROW WITH DAD ! ! ! ! ! That is if he 's feeling ok . He got a cold from Saturday and isn 't feeling to great . If we stay home he 's not going to do anything which still means he 'll be with me all day ! I CAN ' T WAIT ! ! ! ! ! Mom is working really hard on getting the pictures from the trip . Mom and Dad decided to go to Pueblo Saturday to watch a friend drag race . Tey told Sasha and I they weren 't going to be gone long . Well , they ended up in a tornado ! It wasn 't classified as a tornado because it never touched ground , but I heard them telling other people about the damage and I 'm very glad I didn 't go with them ! They had to wait out the storm in one of the race car trailers . Mom said all but 2 port - a - potties were blown over and the 2 standing ones were really wet . I 'm glad I 'm a dog ! They had to leave Mom 's car there and go back and get it the next morning and they saw more of the damage . The road they came in on was washed out in a spot ( they had to take a really muddy way out which is why they left Mom 's car ) and there were trees and stuff knocked over . Mom took some pictures so she 'll add those to the website too . She 's been really busy at work so she hasn 't been able to get things done on the pictures . She had them saved on the server at work and then the server went down . She 's going to work really hard at getting them on this weekend . I 'll let you know when you can see them . I might try to get the storm pictures from her to show you . They 're cool pictures ! Mom and Dad got home Sunday afternoon . I was so happy to see them I forgot to be mad at them . Even though I 'm not in any of the pictures , I 'll let you know when Mom has them posted on the website so you can see them . They had a few problems on the trip and it turned out that it was probably a good thing I wasn 't there , but I still wish I could have gone . Mom took Monday off and I sort of let her know that I was upset still . I chewed up her favorite pen that has been on the coffee table all weekend and I hid her lotion bottle that was on the coffee table when she went to run some errands . Of course I got into trouble , but it made me feel better . When Mom and Dad come home from work I make sure they spend lots of time paying attention to me . Mom gets mad though because my nails are a little long . Dad said maybe next Friday we 'll go visit the groomer . I 'm okay with that , but Sasha hates going . She has to get a hair cut and her nails cut though . Sasha hates her paws touched because she doesn 't like her nails being clipped . I 'm okay with it though . I know once they 're trimmed , Dad and I get to wrestle and we don 't have to worry about me scratching him . I 'm going to go pick on Gunnar now . He 's been acting weird lately and i have to figure out why . He 's been cuddly and nice ! I may have to convince Mom into taking him to the doctor . Hi again . I wanted to tell everybody about a blog . This is the link to the blog : http : / / www . for - the - birds . net / . Jen is a very nice lady and Mom and I like to read her blog everyday . She works for NASA and is also a dog lover like Mom . She has adopted poodles from a poodle rescue in Florida and volunteers for the rescue . She spoils her poodles like Mom and Dad spoil Sasha , Gunnar and I . She just lost her poodle Ollie that she 's had for a long long time . Go to her blog and read all her stories about her dogs and leave her a little supportive message . She also has a bird as a pet . I really don 't understand why you 'd want to keep a bird as a pet when they 're so much fun to chase , but then again Mom keeps fish in a giant glass container and calls them pets ( she even talks to them ! ! ) so I guess Mom 's just do weird things sometimes . So , visit Jen and you 'll see some ymmuy recipes , some funny stories and some cool pictures of the space shuttle . Since I 'm a rescued dog , I have a lot of respect for Jen . Those of us that have needed rescued know there are some people that don 't take care of pets and love them like they should and there are some people that love their pets a bunch . My parents and Jen love their pets a lot . Jen takes care of her poodles when they 're sick or hurt just like my Mom and Dad took care of me and my foot and when Sasha had that problem with the weed stuck in her throat last year . I 'm sure it 's hard for Jen not having Ollie around anymore , but I 'm sure all her other kids and her husband will help her through it . Mom and Dad are getting stuff ready for the trip . I 'm still very sad I don 't get to go . My foot has a big scab on it and Dad doesn 't want that to come off in the water or the rocks or where ever else I am . All the rigs are full to because there 's a bunch of people going but not enough rigs . I really really want to go to ! Who 's going to protect Mom when she has to go potty and who 's going to entertain the kids and who 's going to get up with Chuck to have coffee ? I 'm going to go take a nap now and try not to thnk about it . I 'm still going to Grandma 's every day because of my food . Dad says it looks really good and there 's a scab forming that is really good . He thinks after this week is over I don 't have to go to grandma 's anymore . I like going to Grandma 's , but I 'm kind of getting tired of it . It is much better than going with Mom to work though . That was really boring . Mom and Dad are also getting ready for the trip . I 'm still upset I can 't go . I REALLY wanted to go ! Grandma and Aunt Nikki are going to take care of us while Mom and Dad are gone . I 'm sure we 'll have a lot of fun with them and Sasha might get to come to Grandma 's during the day with me . That will be nice to have someone to play with . It sounds like Mom 's coming back inside so I better go . They let me keep the bandage off for a little while to let it air out , but that means I can 't go outside . It 's nice not having the bandage on , but it 's even nicer to be outside with Dad . Sorry I haven 't posted all week . I 've sort of been busy . Mom and Dad had been talking about not taking me on the trip in a few weeks and now it 's a done deal . I 'm not going . The reason is because I hurt my back foot really bad and they want to make sure it 's healed before I go do stuff like that . I guess they 're right , but it still sucks ! Monday I spent all day with Mom and work . It was fun to get to go somewhere , but it was kind of boring at her office . There was this machine that made lots of noises and then paper would come out of it with a bunch of colors and pictures on it and Mom would go get the paers out . I guess that it was supposed to be making all that noise because Mom never tried to make it stop . She kept going over and getting the papers out and then put them on a pile on her desk . When Dad came over on his lunch to change my bandage Mom took the stack of stuff down the stairs and didn 't come back with them . Tuesday through yesterday and for a little while this morning I went to Grandma 's house . That was a ton more fun ! ! Grandma said that while Mom and Dad are gone she 'll come get me and Sasha during the day to come play while Aunt Nikki is at work . That will be fun . The bandage is really getting annoying . It really doesn 't hurt unless Dad is messing with it . There 's this brown bottle that I REALLY hate when he dumps the stuff on . It looks like water but I know water doesn 't feel like that ! ! ! ! They poor that on my cut and then put some gooey stuff on that doesn 't really hurt and Dad says it will make it heal faster so I 'm okay with that . Then they put this weird white cloth on and then wrap a bunch of tape around . It 's really annoying to walk around on it . I wish they would just let me lick it instead of using that brown bottle and that stupid bandage stuff . Dad said it looks really good today when Mom came home from lunch and they changed it . Dad went to help Mom at her job this morning for a little bit ( I guess the machine was making a lot more colorful paper today or something ) and then he started Posted by Dad was working on the yard this moring and I helped a little bit and now he 's working on the Big Jeep . Mom 's been on the computer all morning getting her art stuff on . She took a break so I thought I 'd jump in real quick and post something . I really hope Dad gets the Big Jeep fixed . I heard him tell Mom to ask Aunt Nikki if she can come stay with me just in case he can 't get the Jeep fixed . I really don 't want to stay home that weekend ! That 's why I 'm not whining to go outside . I know he 's working really hard so I can go and I don 't want to bother him . It 's also way too hot outside for a black dog ! Mom has gotten a lot of her art stuff done . You 'll have to check it out ! Her artwork is on http : / / www . HilarysDesigns . bravehost . com and she 's putting stuff on merchandise on http : / / www . cafepress . com / HilarysDesigns ( that 's also where you can buy Wheelin stuff ) . She 's been working on a rooster all morning . We have the original hangining in our living room and I 'm glad he 's up high so I don 't see him all the time . He kind of gives me the creeps . I think he would look better in the kitchen than the living room , don 't you think ? Be sure to leave Mom some good comments about her art work so she won 't get frustrated and stop working on it . She has some REALLY cool stuff she 's hoping to get done tomorrow ! I better let her have the computer back so she can get back to work . |
Part One : The First Look A slight way off the road , in Rishikesh , a set of stairs ran down to a secluded Ghat , waiting for us like an old man waits for wanderers , hoping that they have a few moments to spare . We did have those few moments to spare , and so we stepped away from the planned route , and went down the ghat . She was there , at the bottom of those stairs ; one look at her majestic charm , and I knew why people respected The Ganga , and loved her so . As was customary at all ghats , a few steps separated us from the gushing river below . Each step I took , the river seemed to sigh back , as if nothing pleased her more than having me beside her - like old friends catching up after a long time . My friends joined me ; an old man sat and lit a beedi while observing us ; my friends took about a zillion pictures of each other , of me , and of the river - but I was so mesmerized by the indefinable attraction the river held , that I failed to notice most of it . The silt from the river had been deposited on the steps , and the places the river had visited were all marked out ; like familiar footprints on wet sand . Soon , it was time for us to leave for Harki Pauri , another ghat on the banks of the Ganges . I didn 't want to leave this new friend so soon , but as my old friend put it very rightly , the more time I spent there , the more I 'd want to linger on . With one final look at the river , we left , while the murmur of the river followed us . I wanted to return , and desperately cling on to a few more moments , and was looking for an excuse to run back . In a flash , I had the excuse . I wanted the name of the ghat we had visited , and since I didn 't remember it , I had to turn back . Telling my friends to carry on ( of course , with a bit of resistance from their side ) , I turned back and ran to the ghat . Down the steps , almost slipping , I dipped one hand quickly into the ice - cold water , and a smile escaped my lips . In my haste , I had failed to notice the old man sitting there , still smoking his beedi . He was observing me , and had seenPosted by It 's been quite a while since I 've posted something here , and I could see just how much you guys have missed me in the meantime . Thanks to everyone who 's been following this blog . Although I don 't have any stories to put up out here , I still wanted to come by and tell you that I haven 't crawled under a rock somewhere and died … I 'm still alive and kicking ! This post is a bit different … instead of a story , I 'm putting up some random photos that I 've taken a while back , of my favorite subject there is - Delhi . I hope you like the photos here . There will be some more shots coming out here , along with some short stories too … haven 't really decided that just yet . For the time being though , enjoy the pics . Taken at Chandni Chowk . A man lighting his kerosene lamp to prepare for the oncoming night . Business as usual . Coffee Home at Connaught Place , New Delhi Two eagles in the backdrop of a cloudy day . It rained soon after this , much to the relief of Delhi . I wonder what the eagles thought , though … One of the many , many hawkers on the streets of Chandni Chowk . So preoccupied was he with his evening cup of tea , that he didn 't even seem to notice me taking this picture of his . Connect the Pigeon Dots ? Oh well , it 's already been done by that wire up there … a little inside story about this particular photo , I got a nice little drop of " blessing " from my beautiful models right after taking this picture , much to the amusement of all my classmates ! I think somewhere , there 's a picture of me posing with a little white blob on the my jacket sleeve as well … More stories and / or photos to come in future . In the meantime , you can head over to my Flickr account to see some more pics that I 've taken . That page would be ( hopefully ) updated quite frequently too . Cheers to all . Technorati Tags : Appreciation , Non - Fiction , Photography , Delhi Posted by The school bell rang , and finally the moment she had been waiting for had arrived . She was free from school , and she couldn 't wait to be back home . To be with the one she had been thinking of , for so long . " Have a nice weekend ! " " You too ! " " I 'll drop by at your place around five , ok ? " " Sure thing . It 's gonna be so much fun , you guys spending the night over . " " We 'll stay up all night long ! " The conversations amongst her classmates surrounded her , yet she seemed far away from it all . She was lost the her own thoughts , lost in the memories of the long hours she had spent in the company of her one true love . She got on the bus , and sat at her favorite window seat . She wished with all her will that the bus would start moving soon . Her impatience paid off in the end ; the bus jerked to life , and slowly trundled off in the direction of her house . She felt excited at the thought of someone waiting for her . Her thoughts wandered back into the memories of the countless kisses they had shared , the warm feeling she got every time , the subtle high she experienced from it all . The bus stopped in front of her house , and she hopped off it . In seconds , she ran into her room and locked the door . In the semi - darkness , she whispered , " I 'm ready , my love . " Cautiously , she took out the stock of ground marijuana she kept in her closet . Her lovestruck eyes lit with delight , as she took the drugs and rolled up a joint . With trembling hands , she lit one end of the joint , and kissed the other end . The warmth of the kiss travelled all over her senses ; she took a deep drag , and whispered in the silence , " I 'm all yours . " * * * Been busy almost the whole week , which is why there was a delay in the story . Wish I had a bit more time to work on this , it didn 't quite turn out the way I wanted it to be . Still , I wanted to post something here , and so , here it is . Tried to take into account the many requests of a love story , but I don 't think this one quite qualifies to be a part of that category . Image CourPosted by Gulshan was a typical ' US Return ' , as they called him in the little village of Shantinagar . He had come over for spending the summer , but most of it had been a bust . There wasn 't really anyone with whom he could spend time . His cousins were just so different from him , and they all were at the age where acceptance is hard to give out , yet they were all seeking for it . He wasn 't really accepted in the inner circles of his cousins , so consequently he spent a lot of time browsing around the crumbling village that Shantinagar was . The older side of the town always had a wonderful new surprise waiting for him , and equipped with his father 's camera , he found that he did have a good time in that bit of the village ; the one place in the whole village that seemed to be his own . It was at this eastern end of the village , that he had stumbled upon the green murky pond . He remembered the wonderful ponds that were there at the perfectly manicured parks back home . A part of him , thus , had expected something along those lines as he drew closer to the murky pond . He was in for a shock , though . The steps leading down to the pond were broken and worn . The whole pond seemed green , unlike the pristine blue clear watered ponds that he was used to . However , it didn 't seem that the water was that dirty . One look at it , and he knew that this little body of water was a world of its own . " It used to be much more beautiful than this before , " said a soft voice behind him , " the water was clearer , and you could see the fishes zooming around in the water . " He turned around , and saw a beautiful teenage girl sitting a few steps behind him . She was wearing a simple white dress that seemed to glow amber in the setting sun . Her face glowed as the dying sunlight played its charm on it just before saying goodbye , and even the breeze seemed to smile at her beauty . She was covered from head to toe , and just her face was visible . She sat there , smiling slightly , while he just stood there gaping at her . The smile eventually turned intoArnab Majumdar The first time Randhir had heard about Michael Painter , it was from Shaina 's mouth . The same mouth she had kissed him with , so many times . Shaina was dead now , before Randhir had the chance of meeting Michael Painter . The first time they met , it was in the disused basement of Randhir 's little house . Michael was tied to a chair , unconscious , while Randhir waited for him to wake up . Randhir had quit smoking a year back , when he met Shaina , but some old habits just don 't die . Quite like some memories . And some people . Michael stirred a bit , and Randhir slapped him on the face . " Wake up , Michael . You 're late already . There 's much to talk about . " Michael wasn 't scared actually . He hardly ever was . He opened his eyes , and looked around . The crumbling shelves , the old guitars , and in the corner stood the untouched canvas . " You know , my name says I should be a painter . I 'm not though . I 'm an engineer by profession . Can you lend me a cigarette ? " Michael 's raspy voice broke the silence that had crept in . Randhir slapped him again . Michael smiled . " You 're a fucking murderer . You killed my girlfriend . Why ? " spat Randhir . Michael was still laughing . He gazed longingly at the cigarette that was hanging from Randhir 's hand . After a long time , he said , " You should have seen her with me . She wasn 't as happy with you as she was with me . So what if it lasted just one night . Most people don 't experience all that in a lifetime , what she experienced with me in that one night . " Randhir didn 't want to believe that . He didn 't want to hear the words that Michael was saying , because he knew that it could be true . Shania had said those things herself . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The party had started late , and by the time they came out of the pub , the streets were quite empty . That 's the way Randhir liked the roads to be , for what better way to impress a girl than to take her for a quick spin in a fancy car ? Shaina Naazneen was no ordinary girl though . She had the glitter in her eyes , the one that comes when you drArnab Majumdar The shower was one place where she just couldn 't resist singing . Her melodious voice danced over the notes , with the flowing water keeping the rhythm . Her voice obeyed her every command , and the song itself seemed to bring life into the world . It was a wonderful way to start a wonderful evening . All except … " Would you cut out your singing and hurry up ? You 're making both of us late ! " screamed Anuradha from the other side of the door . " Yeah , yeah , I 'm almost done . Give me two more minutes , " said Samaira , while her reflection looked at her accusingly . ' I should be an Entertainer . I 'm supposed to charm people with my voice . Why doesn 't anyone get that ? ' The evening was slowly turning into the night , and she was ready to take on the world . With the song still singing itself in her head and her heart , she walked to the Prakash Photo Studio . She needed some glamour shots for work , and Prakash ( as it was fondly called in that locality ) was the one place to get them from . She spent an hour at Prakash . When the shots were done , she looked at them . The gentle hint of Kohl in her eyes , the black waves of her hair , the heart shaped face , they all told her that she was , indeed , beautiful . ' I should be an Entertainer . I 'm supposed to charm people with my beauty , with the ladylike grace that I possess . I wish someone else would see that for a change . ' On the street , she heard the sound of ghungrus coming from the local Dance School . She remembered how she used to go there as a child . The long hours she spent , dancing to the wonderful music . She remembered how wonderful and free she felt at that time , to move like she wanted to . ' I should be an Entertainer . I 'm supposed to charm people with my graceful movements , and the gentle taps of the ghungrus on my feet . I wish I could have that stage , once , where people would appreciate that in me . ' She reached her " Office " , her place of work , and met Greg . She didn 't know Greg 's real name , and he didn 't know hers . In the " Office " , she wasArnab Majumdar A little over a year into her marriage , and Rupal had exceeded all her expectations towards herself - she had actually become a wonderful cook . The Pulao and the Shahi Paneer were giving out the most mouth watering aroma , and she should have been proud of herself . Only , she wasn 't . It 's not easy to be proud of yourself , when you 're all alone at home , waiting for a husband who 's late . It was the third successive night that she 'd been waiting for Himanshu to turn up , but he said he was held up at work for yet another day . She knew it was for the best , and yet she didn 't like it one bit . The fact that all her efforts at making the exquisite dinner were slowly turning cold was something she didn 't want to come to terms with so easily . She heard the key turning in the lock . A moment later , Himanshu 's voice boomed in from the corridor , " Honey , I 'm home ! " " You 're late again ! Why do they have to make you work so hard ? " she asked him the moment he came within her line of sight . Her arms were crossed over her tummy , always a bad sign . " Sweetheart , I told you on the phone . You know the VP , if he wants a meeting , he wants it now ! I 'm sorry it took so much time , " said Himanshu . Rupal wasn 't impressed by what she was hearing . Something inside her was not ready to accept the things that Himanshu was saying to her at that moment . " Is it too much to ask for a husband to be back home at a decent hour , so that we can have a proper meal together at the end of the day ? You know how hectic my days are , and you know how much I look forward to the dinners that we share . " " I know honey , but this was something I couldn 't avoid . I 'm sure you understand … " " Oh sure ! You would always expect me to be the one who 's understanding , right ? As if it 's never going to be your job to try to understand what I want , ever ! " Two fat droplets of tears formed at the edge of her eyelids , and she couldn 't stop them from rolling down her cheeks . Himanshu , noticing this , rushed forward and held her tArnab Majumdar It was the first time that Sachin and Samarth were out in the real world . They called it a vacation , although what they really wanted was an adventure . They hadn 't found any . After two days of hiking , and travelling to remote places of India , still they found nothing . So when they saw the makeshift highway pub , neither of them could wait to be inside , and get comfortable with a cold beer . " We don 't really need adventures , do we Sachin ? " " Nope . We need beer . " " Cold beer ! " said Samarth , and they were inside the dingy pub , catering to its highway people , and emanating the highway smells . " And anyway , this was an adventure of sorts for us too , wasn 't it ? I mean , think about it . We did something new , and in a way , that 's an adventure as well . Who said anything about an adventure being thrilling and chilling ? " said Sachin , with a fake - cheery voice that he knew was cheering him up more than Samarth . " Two beers " , ordered Samarth , as they sat down on the bar stools and waited for the beer to come to them . They didn 't know what else was coming along with those two innocent beers though . The barman handed them two chilled bottles of beer , and bent down to speak to them . " I heard you guys . You 're looking for adventure ? At this young age ? You guys must be mad ! " said he , with the most serious eyes that any man could possess . " Why 's that ? " the boys asked . " Look behind you boy , you see that man there ? You know which man I 'm talking about . The one with that great big scar running down his face ? Legend has it … " " I 'm sorry , did you say , ' legend ' has it ? " interrupted Sachin . " Yes , boy ! Listen closely , and don 't interrupt me when I 'm talking ! " said the barman , and then continued in the same manner , " Legend has it that he has seen adventure . Not just once , but many times over in his life . They call him the Storyman , and I can 't tell you the stories that I 've heard from him . " " Why not ? " asked Sachin , acting his usual curious self that he always was . " BecaArnab Majumdar I still remember the chilly dampness that had crept into the station that day . It was like the weather wanted to give that special scary effect to everything that had happened in the little village . My office was in a mess , as usual - only two things on my desk were where they were supposed to be ; a cup of coffee that was growing steadily colder , and a name plate that identified who I was . Detective Tarun BhattacharjeeI like almost all the things that occupy my desk space . Almost all of them , with the exception of the case file that lay open in front of me that cold day . I had had a lot of experience in homicide , but never had I seen a case like this . The cold precision , and the unashamed open - and - shut nature of the case gave me the chills . It almost made the steady pour of hailstones outside feel warm . I wanted to linger on with the cup of coffee as long as I could . I wanted to delay the interrogation with Krishnendu for as long as possible . I remembered the cold eyes of Krishnendu , as they had scanned my face from behind the matted hair . I wasn 't too keen to meet those eyes in a hurry again . Finally , the last drop of coffee was gone , and there were no more excuses for me to stay away from the interrogation room . I got up , stretched , and with a few slow steps , was standing in front of the metal door separating me from Krishnendu . The door opened , and one more time , I saw those cold purposeful eyes of Krishnendu looking at me ; almost as though he could see right through me . It was hard to believe that he was twenty six years old . There was something innocently curious and boyish about his face , almost as though everything that he had done , he did just to quench that curiosity . " Good evening , Krishnendu , " I said , as I entered the room . The eyes still followed me , from the door , to the table where he sat watching me . " Good evening , Sir , " he said with a hissing whisper , barely moving his lips . The chill from outside seemed to have found a place in that interrogation room , precisely at the moment he had opened his mouth . Posted by He had never thought that this would be the way that he 'd return home , sitting in a fancy chauffer driven sedan . Especially considering the fact that it was not at all the way he had left the place - with just a bag full of old clothes on his back , and a heart heavy with memories . " God really does have a sense of humor , " he thought to himself , and once more it felt to him as though the cheers of the crowd followed him . It was his second act as a standup comic , the first time in his old city - and by God , had the city grown ! The people still were the same ; well , almost . Some people do change an awful lot over the span of seven years after all . " Ladies and Gentlemen , Good Evening . I stand here in front of you , not to show you my wit tonight , but God 's sense of humor . I never thought he possessed one , and by golly , was I surprised ! " His opening lines still rang clear in his ears , the applause and laughter still beating on his eardrums . It felt so different in the smooth silence of the car , right after the tremendous cheers he faced back at the auditorium . " When I left this city , I had promised myself that I 'd never come back , and I 'm sure God heard that . I think that 's why he 's made this city what it is now , raising it from the dumps to the beautiful metropolis we know today - all while I was gone . He made me miss it all , and I think that was just for kicks ! Something like , God 's way of saying ' Haha , Gotcha ! ' " He had left in rags . He had left a broken man , feeling as though he had been deceived by a good friend . He had left with a ragged bag on his shoulders and a torn Rs . 100 note in his pocket . He had left nothing behind , for everything that he had owned had been lost or taken away from him . He was nothing more than an exile that day , boarding the last train , never to return . No food , no shelter , no clothing , that was his condition that chilly winter day . Food , clothing and shelter , the three basic needs of all men . The three basic necessities , without which no man can ever survive . " Well , the Big Man Up There has Posted by " If only I had a gun , " thought Ali . " Maybe , if I could blast a bullet in my head , it 'd help to stop the pounding . " He laughed at the absurdity of the thought almost immediately though , as real life took a grip on him again . He had never thought that he could fight with Raman the way he did . He never thought that he was capable of saying the things that he did , to Raman ; his best friend since childhood . He wanted to say a lot of things to him ; that he hadn 't really meant any of the things he had said to Raman when they fought . That he still was his best friend , in spite of everything . Most importantly , he wanted Raman to know that he did not want him to " die and go to hell " as he had told him to . Ali had tried calling Raman quite a few times , but he had had no luck . He was very hopeful thus , when finally the phone rang . He picked up the phone hastily , only to see that it wasn 't Raman , but Kalpana who was calling him . " Kay . I thought it was Raman , " said Ali the moment he picked up the call . " More than thinking , I was actually hoping it was him . " " He still hasn 't called ? " asked Kay . It was evident that she was worried about the friendship between the two of them . " Not yet . I tried calling him a bunch of times , but he 's not picking up the phone . How am I supposed to make up with him , when he won 't answer my calls ? " " Have you tried visiting his place ? " " Last time I went there , he wasn 't home . The door was locked , and Mrs . Dixit didn 't know where he was either , " said Ali . It was getting insane . He had never felt worse in his entire life . There were very few people who mattered to him where he was . One of them was missing , while the other one was on the phone with him , trying to convince him that things would turn out fine . " Kay , you don 't think he 's taken everything that I said to him seriously , has he ? " " I don 't think so Ali . It 's Raman , our Raman . More than that , it 's you guys we 're talking about here . I 'm sure you guys are gonna figure this out soon . The both of you just need some time to cool down , that 's all , " said Kay . " I 'm Posted by Morning 6 : 30 AM , the alarm clock screams into his ears . With a jerk , he was pulled unwillingly from the wonderful dream that he was enjoying . It starred his darling angel after all , and he had the front row seats to it - but sadly , life had something else in store for him . A sucky day awaited him . The after sleep grogginess accompanied him as he got out of the bed , and that 's when he got the first taste of the sucky day that was waiting for him . No water in the early morning , his whiny dog whining , while he was in the loo trying to make do with the little water that he had , and a little cockroach in his breakfast . All in all , by the time he was getting out of the house , he wasn 't really in the best of his moods . The Day chuckled gently . Reaching college , he found that the first class was that of his least favourite teacher . It 's said that teachers are fair , but he was sure that his professor hated him , for some reason . Thus , it wasn 't a surprise that he had to endure a ten minute diatribe about time management , all because he was ten minutes late . He was so irritated that he couldn 't even spot the subtle irony of the situation . The Day kept smirking at him . Wading through one boring class after another , he almost fell asleep in the class . The sleep in the class however , is never as comfortable or as desirable as the one he knew he could have enjoyed had he stayed at home . He fought valiantly to keep his eyes open , but his mind just wouldn 't listen to him . Finally , mind won over body , and his head slid on the desk . Before he knew it , he was sleeping , right in the middle of the class . As luck would have it - since it was a sucky day for him - the professor noticed . The professor , already on a short temper , having shouted at him for being late , was quick to throw him out of the class . " Don 't come to my classes for the next four days now ! " he screamed , as he slouched away , thinking who he had offended to deserve all this . And a little laugh escaped from the Day 's mouth , but he was quick to stifle it . He didn 't want himPosted by " You know , I was wondering something for a while now , " she said suddenly , while he was driving . " Hmm ? " he said , taking a little bit of time to focus on what she was saying . It happens that you get lost in your own thoughts when you 're out on the road in the middle of the night , and she understood that . She waited for him to get back to what she was saying before continuing . " It 's been four years we 've been together , and two months since we got married , and we 've never talked about God , have we ? " she asked him . He hadn 't expected this topic while they were out on the road like this , but he had always admired the unpredictability of her thoughts . " No , we haven 't . Is that what you were thinking all this while ? " " Yeah . Don 't ask me why I started thinking about it though , " she said with a smile . He answered back with his smile , and said , " I 'm not asking . " " So , what 's your take on God ? " she pressed . He didn 't answer immediately . He had never really thought about this , never imagined that someone would actually pose this question to him someday . He didn 't have an answer ready with him , and so he took some time to form the answer in his head . " I 'm not sure about God . I did believe in God as a kid , especially during the festivals , but as I grew up , I wasn 't too sure about the existence of a supreme being , " he said . " So you 've become an atheist ? " she asked . " No , not really . More like an agnostic . I don 't say there is no God , I just question that theory . I 've never had convincing proof for it actually . If I do , who knows , maybe I 'd start believing " It was her turn to become silent now while she looked out the window , lost in her own thoughts . After about a minute , he interrupted her thoughts , and said " What 's your take on the subject ? Aren 't you going to tell me that ? " " Well , I 've always believed in God . Ever since I was a little girl , ever since I went to the temple for the first time . Call me crazy , but I 've always felt someone there has been waiting for me , every time , " she said , a smile lighting up her face . " Wow , that 's sweet , " hePosted by On a perfect March evening , when the wind was just right , he walked into that familiar café , hopeful . In the corner , the ' reason ' for his visit sat quietly , propped against a wall as always . A book in one hand , and a coffee mug in the other , she seemed lost in her own little world . He sat down on the same table that he used to sit on , from which he could have a clear view of her . He wasn 't too near , yet not too far away from her . Out of the corner of her eyes , she noticed that he had walked in . Somehow , it seemed that the wonderful weather seemed to follow him inside as he walked in , and cheered the aromatic surroundings a little bit more . She smiled quietly to herself for a nanosecond , and the world missed it . He kept throwing glances at her , a bit afraid that she might notice him . At the same time , a part of him secretly wished that she would notice that fact , that he was shooting those glances at her . He kept thinking about the many days that he would wait for her to look up from the book that she always used to carry with her . He remembered the time that he played a game with her , where he kept guessing the color of her eyes - until the time that she looked up and he saw that he had been right all along . She used to keep looking at him out of the corner of her eyes . Her eyes would follow him every time that he got up for a refill of coffee ; every time he would come back to his seat after paying the bill and check if he had left anything at his seat . She would keep looking at him , until the very last moment , when his eyes would sweep the café one last time before he left . That 's when her nerve would fail her , and she would avert her eyes . This day was different though . This time , he wasn 't the first one to decide to leave . He stayed on , till the time that she looked at him . He stayed on , till he had the nerve to look into her eyes . As luck would have it , she also looked up at the same time . That 's how their eyes met . " And that 's how their story began , " said the narrator , with a twinkle in his eyes . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ There wPosted by This story has been inspired by a post written by Shruti . You can find the post here . I hope I 've done justice to the situation here , and I hope that things turn out great for that family . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ His mother looked into the mirror , and wondered how she would ever tell her son that he wasn 't her flesh and blood , that he was adopted . She wondered how she would look into his eyes , and would admit the fact , that she hadn 't carried him in her womb for nine months . She loved him , as anyone would love their own child . Still , a splinter in her mind caused her to wonder if that love was enough , if her love would be considered second hand . She walked into his room , and saw that the little boy was getting ready to go somewhere . She couldn 't ask where he was going . She somehow wanted him to stay , wished that he would say something to make the whole matter easier . Something like that silent hug of his , which always made things so much easy for her , without the need of even a single word . He was having trouble with his shoes . Even at the age of 11 , it amused her sometimes that he had trouble with mundane things like this , when he could solve complex math problems in seconds . Standing at the door to his room , she smiled while he tried the shoe on for the umpteenth time , without the slightest sign of impatience or frustration . She knew she had to tell him something . She knew the time had come . She knew if she hid this from him any longer , there was a chance that he would hear about it from somewhere else . She knew that for him , it could prove to be disastrous . She told herself over and over again , that it was best if it was her who told him the truth . She wondered how she would bring up the subject . She wondered if he would want to go out , as he was planning to , after he heard the truth a few moments later . Time was running out though , she had to find the right words any moment now ; he almost had his shoes on . He tied the laces , and stood up in front of her , a big smile spreading on his face . " I did it finally ! " he said . " I 'll be back soPosted by This post is the second chapter in the story of how a shortcut affected the peace of mind of five college kids . In case you haven 't read the first part , Click Here . Cheers . . . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ While Siddharth got busy making sure she was not hurt , Ira , Amit and Parul looked around to see what had caused her to faint . Amit was the first one to notice what was a bobbing lantern coming at them through the banana trees . Scared to death , he merely pointed his finger towards it . From among the banana trees , out came the bobbing lantern . It was held by the most ancient arm that anyone from that group had seen in all their lives . The five of them sat petrified in the car , while the figure moved slowly towards them . Although they couldn 't see the face , they could feel the unseen eyes of the black figure on them . A few feet away , the figure stopped , and they got a glimpse . It looked like a man , wrapped in a black blanket , a hood hiding his head from view . The lantern , swinging from his hand , cast deep shadows on whatever bit of face they could see of him . His face was wrinkled to the extent that it seemed pieces of it would be falling off . All this however was left unnoticed , once they spotted the moon shaped scar on his left cheek , and the two sunken circles where they knew the watchful eyes rested . " Do all of you see a man there , who 's easily 200 years old ? " whispered Amit into the silence . Ira shushed him without looking at him . Parul , who was trying to revive Minisha , left her on the floor of the car and sat petrified at the appearance of this man . " We have to get out of here . Amit , start the damn car ! " said Siddharth in the palpable silence . " Sid , the car 's not starting . You think I 'd be here if I could help it ? " said Amit in the bravest voice he could summon . " Be quiet you two , no need to attract attention , " whispered Ira . " Ira , look around ! There 's no one else here , I think we 've got all the attention possible , " said Amit . " What if he wants to harm us ? " asked Ira , a strangled whisper being all Posted by This is my first step towards writing about me . It wasn 't the most preferred one , but I chose it ' coz it seemed quite easy . Once I got to doing it though , it was a different experience altogether . I 've been tagged before this too , but I 've never really had the patience to do one of those things . This time however , it was different , with three reasons for me to do this tag . I had quite a few requests from people to write something about myself , and 100 Truths about me seemed a good place to start . I couldn 't think of anything to write on , no inspirations for stories come to my mind , and yet I wanted to write something today . It was high time I did one of the many tags that I 've been tagged with ! Thanks to Isha for tagging me with this one . More about - me posts to follow soon … make do with this one till that time : P1 . Last drink : Wonderful Home - brewed Red Tea … 2 . Last phone call : Didiya , and she 's left a zillion things here as always : D3 . Last text message : Sherii . 4 . Last song you listened to : Waterloo Sunset by Def Leppard … aah , the memories … 5 . Last time you cried : A long , long time ago … HAVE YOU EVER . . . 6 . Dated someone twice : Nope … don 't even see the point of it . 7 . Been cheated on ? Hmm , that 's an interesting question … and I think I 'd have to go with yeah … 8 . Kissed someone & regretted it ? For a while , till a friend was kind enough to tell me that you shouldn 't regret something that made you smile ; ) 9 . Lost someone special ? Yup ! 10 . Been depressed ? Yup ! 11 . Been drunk and threw up ? Yup ! And the last time was shit scary too … read a little more about it here : DLIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS : 12 . Black13 . Red14 . Blue15 . All shades of grey . FIRSTS : 15 . Made new friends : Of course … although , I 'd like to meet someone who hasn 't … that might be fun ! 16 . Fallen out of love : Yup … 17 . Laughed until you cried : Oh Yes ! ! 18 . Met someone who changed you : Somewhat yes … 19 . Found out who your true friends were : Yeah , and in very weird circumstances20 . Found out someone was talking about you : Yeah , again in very weird circumstaPosted by I 'm Arnab Majumdar , a Weekend Blogger from New Delhi . I like to write , go on long drives through my city , and occasionally go planespotting , whenever I can . I 'm an amatuer photographer . I 'm a wannabe artist who can 't see too well . I am a dreamer , because life for me seems too . . . real . I write simply for the fun of it , nothing more , nothing less . Have fun reading my stuff , and do comment on them as well . |
This has been the craziest year of my life . I 've struggled with writing this blog post because I usually write here about positive things like my art and sewing and I generally don 't feel comfortable delving into my personal life . However , I feel there is no way to tell the story of this year except from my own perspective , naturally , as it occurred . You can 't have one half of the story without the other . It just wouldn 't make sense . One year ago my family was getting ready to make a giant leap of faith : a move back to our home state of Arkansas , after living in Wisconsin for several months . We had moved to Milwaukee in May of 2012 , and we had the idealistic hope that we would settle right in , my husband would find a good job , I 'd find a great venue to sell my art , and we would love it . It turned out to be a false hope ; my husband had trouble finding work , I had trouble finding shops to carry my work . . . . worse , we were taken aback at how dangerous Milwaukee was and worried about raising our young daughter there . Overall we just did not adjust as well as we had hoped . I met lots of people in the fashion industry but didn 't make any close friends . Thanksgiving was the breaking point for me . I missed my family , I felt isolated and depressed , and I finally admitted to myself that it was just not working out in Wisconsin . We scrambled to get back home . . . which was difficult , but with the help of friends , we managed to figure out funding for he trip and a place to stay when we got home . By the end of December I had developed a physical pulling sensation in my chest , toward the south . Literally anywhere I went I could tell which way to Arkansas and it was very hard to wait . Come New Year 's Day of 2013 , we had packed up the car with everything we owned , and we drove south . I cannot even express how blissful it was to finally hit the road going home . A huge weight was lifted . I felt hopeful about my life again . I felt like everything was going to be okay . And really . . . everything went amazingly well . Our friends Jennifer and Chris helped us get back on our feet and start afresh . My husband found work easily . We found an apartment in Fayetteville that we love , and we love Fayetteville too , it 's a great place to live . It 's a college town . . . . big enough that it has the conveniences and the bustling pace of a city , yet the people here are as friendly as in any small town . There is always lots to do , we 're never bored , and we feel comfortable here . We missed our friends and it 's been really . . . a gift , to be near so many friends again . I will never again take that for granted . As soon as I had a studio again I got right to work . I spent the early part of 2013 pursuing several opportunities to expand my portfolio and also to get published . The first project I did was a collaboration with some of my favorite ladies from Arkansas that I had been missing . An underwater shoot with the very creative and talented Amber Herrera ( Framed by Amber Photography ) and the porcelain - skinned ingenue , Ms . Sophie Star . I wasn 't actually at the shoot . . . . but I know they don 't use scuba gear , so they are just ducking under water , quickly posing , and shooting a couple photos , come back up , do it again . . . . all the while making it look effortless . . . pretty incredible . Another fun project , I got to make several very creative dresses for one of my absolute favorite models , the unstoppable and vibrant Ms . Jane Love , to take to St . Louis After Dark Education ( which is a modeling / photography teaching seminar ) . I got some beautiful photos back and met some new photographers as well . Here are a few photos . . . . I also collaborated with the esteemed Arkansas photographer Ken Gehring , who was hosting a photography workshop . I created a one - of - a - kind black wedding gown for the event , and mailed it to him . Alas , the day of the shoot , it did not fit the model quite right . Thankfully Ken found another model at the last minute , Melissa Bryant , who did a terrific job ! A few photos from the workshop below . Again I got some beautiful photos and met several photographers , one of whom has become a fantastic customer . ( H / MUA Lauren Tapp ) I was so lucky to get the chance to also have another amazing collaboration this spring , this time with the visionary surrealist , Vismaya Vijayraj ( of Colours of Dreams Photography ) . I have no clue how she does the magic she does with photographs , it 's a mystery to me , but when she asked me if I could create a costume for a photoshoot I was only too happy to oblige . She sent me one photo for inspiration , a sort of warrior - princess - goddess . From that I created my own version , and proud to say I managed to do it using almost completely upcycled materials , yet with a very rich - looking result ! Vismaya rallied together a fantastic team for the shoot : Nola Kahn , a true artist with cosmetics , and model Amber Buehrens , who is so gorgeous it 's unbelievable - - - seriously , you can 't look at her straight on or you will be blinded by her radiance . The photos came out so well in fact , that they were accepted to Cloud Orchid Magazine 's July issue ! I 'm proud to say I am a now a published designer ! A few photos below . And a few more , here . After all that excitement in the spring , I had some time in the summer to think about what my style is , where am I going with my business , what are my goals . . . . I weighed the options . . . I asked for advice from friends . I meditated and churned and drove myself nuts with it . And finally . . . . clarity . I knew the answer . I had it right in the very beginning . My first work - the Butterfly Punk collection , and the Fairytale collection , and the Pop Art dress - were my favorite and in my opinion , my best work . But to make them more appealing to more people , I would need to find ways to incorporate those elements - floral , romantic , colorful , pop art , geometric , with painterly coloring - into simpler and more comfortable garments . Continue with upcycled and Earth friendly materials because people love it and I feel good about it . And still offer custom order . . . . anything . The answer really was a simple one . " Make things as if you were making it for yourself . Comfort + Originality + Beauty + Ecohappy . " With my direction and drive back , I started working on my winter collection . I felt really ahead of the game because it was only June , and here I was doing winter coat designs . Now . . . here 's where the story gets more personal , and starts to get harder to tell . My Dad had been experiencing back and leg pain for several months , at first thinking it was a pulled muscle , then a sciatic nerve . . . then he found a lump in his groin . He went to the doctor and they tried to treat it as an infection , and it didn 't respond . Finally he was tested for cancer , but it would take several weeks before we knew . During that time his right leg got terribly swollen , and became practically unusable as it became thick and heavy like a log . At my daughter 's third birthday party , in July , he was unable to sit down because of his swollen leg , but was cheerful as always . He stood outside and blew bubbles with the kids . These are the last photos I have of him that he still looks like himself . In mid - July he was diagnosed with non - Hodgkin 's lymphoma . I will never forget that phone conversation . . . he was scared . He told me wanted to have chemo right away , and he was worried it was too late already . They installed a chemo port right away , in his chest . He was impatient with the amount of time it took for them to begin treatments ; he kept calling his doctor over and over to see if they had his chemo ready yet . By this point he was unable to take care of himself and was living with his sister and brother - in - law , Vicki and Jim , and my Grandma Ruth was living there as well . I asked Dad if he wanted to come stay with me , since I lived closer to his doctor . He said no , he was comfortable and happy there , and Jim didn 't mind driving him each time . I think he didn 't want to impose on us . I visited him in August and was shocked at the change in him . He was so skinny , his complexion was gray and unhealthy , and he was very weak , using a walker . What a shock to see my Dad , who has always been fit and active and healthy , suddenly reduced to a shadow of himself . Everyone assured me he was fine , " getting better " . I knew this wasn 't true but what can you do . . . I smiled and joined in the optimism , and tried to not think about it too much . But the whole time I was swallowing hard to keep in the tears . At the end of August , we had a party for my Grandma Ruth 's 91st birthday . Everyone came over to my apartment for cake . It was difficult getting Grandma and my Dad , who both needed to use a walker , up the stairs , but somehow it was accomplished . We all had a nice time . I took this photo that day . This turned out to be the last photo I ever would take of my grandmother and my father . My Dad , usually not one for photos , was insistent on also having a photo made with his granddaughter . I can 't share that one , it 's too painful . I think back on his words , his expression at that moment , and I know that he knew he was dying . We were all still being optimistic though , staying positive , because that 's what he wanted . He was not going to give up . A week later was my 29th birthday , and it sucked . . . I was too upset to enjoy it . Little did I know that the next day things would get worse , and my world would be turned upside - down . I got a call that my Dad was in the emergency room at Washington Regional . He had almost died and had to have emergency surgery . That night he had three separate surgeries , which due to the graphic nature I will refrain from describing in detail - suffice to say a large cancerous tumor was removed . When I came to see him he was not able to speak much but he knew I was there and I was able to comfort him some . He kept getting worried and I would calm him down . We stayed for several hours that night . The doctors said it was a miracle he survived . The next day he was moved to a normal hospital room . He was weak but in good spirits . All of his brothers and sisters came to see him and rallied his spirits greatly . It was a little family reunion . Occasionally the chaplain would come to visit and hover around the room like the spirit of death . They wanted him to make a living will , and he didn 't want to even admit he needed one , and would just become incredibly depressed when the subject came up . We all did what we could to help him be comfortable and happy there . . . bringing special foods , coffee , flowers , magazines . . . whatever we could think of . We would sit with him for hours just talking . Sometimes Dad would have nightmares and call us in the middle of the night , and my husband would go sit with him through the night . At that point he had not yet been deemed a terminal patient . The doctors still talked very hopefully about recovery and more treatments , chemo and then later , radiation . Dad was extremely positive on the outside , but I think . . . he knew that he was dying . Yet he would not give up . Even when the doctors got the test results that the tissue removed was all cancerous , even when the cancer was visibly , physically destroying him , and he was not healing from his surgery . . . even when he faced the indignity of having a colostomy bag put in . . . . and not one but two doctors recommended him to go into Hospice care . . . he remained stubbornly sure that he would beat this . He demanded more treatments even when he was so weak he couldn 't walk anymore . He said , " Most people must give up much easier than this . I feel too strong still to give up yet . Let 's keep fighting this . " So the hospital gave him one more chemo treatment - - - this was toward the end of September now . It was an experimental chemotherapy called R - ICE , go ahead and google that if you want to totally freak yourself out , because it 's terrible stuff . For three days straight he had several tubes going into him with this strong chemotherapy going into his weak and emaciated body . It was very hard on him . He was feverish , sweaty and miserable . He hallucinated the entire time . He made unreasonable demands . He would clutch my hand so hard it hurt . It was one of the worst things I have ever witnessed . The third day , I will never forget , he said to me , " Rosie , I want to go home . And by home , I mean to your home , because that 's my home now too . " And I cried and said , " Yes , I want that too . " Unfortunately his wounds and level of care were more than we could handle , and he had no insurance to pay for a home health nurse . . . so they wouldn 't release him to our care . If he went into Hospice , they would provide caregivers , but if we were continuing treatment , which we were , there was no way to get a nurse . It was incredibly frustrating . He had been in the hospital for a month . What cphotos from the hospital So finally , a month after being admitted into the hospital , Dad was released to our care . He was so excited to get out of there . That first day , he was full of energy , bossing us all around cheerfully from his bed . And the next day he was much the same . We watched The Great Gatsby and made fun of it together , and then Burt Wonderstone with Steve Carrell , which elicited hilarious responses from my Dad . I made him endless milkshakes in all flavors . . . we shared coffee in the morning and afternoon as well , which was lovely . But the third day . . . he slept all day , and we were beginning to have trouble getting him to even wake up long enough to take his medicine , drink , eat . . . . And yet the Home Health nurse said everything was fine and assured us we were doing a great job . I find myself turning these moments over in my head . . . did he know ? Obviously he knew . It was so obvious . And yet nobody wanted to say it . Maybe Home Health nurses aren 't even allowed to say those kind of things to the family . I don 't know . But the God - honest truth is , you don 't treat a person differently when they are dying , or if they are going to live , so it doesn 't matter . The only reason I wanted to know was to prepare myself mentally for his loss . But either way , you will love them and care for them , and do everything you can to make them comfortable . As long as we could , we honored Dad 's wish to keep fighting . But finally he could not take his medicine at all , eat , or drink , and he slept all the time . He was dying . He had only been out of the hospital a few days . We were faced with taking him back to the hospital and prolonging his suffering , or accept what was happening , and honor his other wish , which was to die at home , not in the hospital . In his words just weeks before , " Nobody should have to die in a hospital . " Accompanied by a long story about how my mother had expressed that wish and he had honored that for her , and the way he cared for her was how he wanted to be cared for himself . Thankfully I also had my brother 's and my husband 's adThe next morning when the Hospice nurse arrived Dad became more coherent and talked to her a bit . He got very upset at one point and was yelling at us both , and she pressed me about putting him into a Hopsice house , that in her words , " I didn 't need to be yelled at all day " . I insisted no , it was fine , he didn 't normally do this . . . but I was concerned that Dad was railing on , and I couldn 't make out what he was upset about . It had to do with the nurse . I worried that he knew why she was there and he was mad at me for giving up . Giving myself a guilt trip . Slowly it became apparent that he was mad because she had asked if he was from Fayetteville and he wasn 't . After I explained this to her he calmed down again and was fine . I realized that he didn 't have any idea what was happening . The Hospice nurses were wonderful . They are angels on Earth . Really . I am so grateful that Hospice exists for people . They gave us a thin little pamphlet which held a surprising amount of good advice and wisdom which really helped us . I wish I had read it a few weeks earlier . One of the most helpful parts was simply listing common symptoms of death , in the months , weeks , and days before it happens . Some of Dad 's behaviors that seemed really strange were suddenly explained . I could give any number of grim examples , but I would rather simply mention one very interesting example . . . he had been telling us for days he was " going to the pond . " Sometimes he said , " I 'm going to the pond with Sean . " Sean is his nephew ( my cousin ) . He would talk about this for long periods of time . I learned that dying people often talk about their departure , using cryptic metaphors , and during his last days he spoke more and more of going to the pond . My brother and I surmised that he was thinking about the land where we grew up , on the Arkansas / Missouri border . . . a farmhouse with several acres of cedar forest , a stream , and a large pond . We frequently took walks in those woods and around that pond . At Christmastime Dad would take us kids out in the woods and we 'd find a tree together and cut it down and haul it home . Lots of memories . The last day of his life , I stayed at his side all day . At that point he was on liquid morphine which needs to be administered frequently , and he also had to have his mouth swabbed to stay moist , so I spent the day watching the clock , swabbing his mouth with the little sponge swabs and then administering his morphine . I talked to him . I told him about all the things I was going to do to take care of his unfinished business of all different sorts . I told him stories . I told him how proud I was of him . I got out his gymnastics trophy that he won for being the All - Around Ivy League Champion in 1969 . He had wanted to polish it up , but since he couldn 't do it himself , I sat next to him and polished it with a tootShe fell asleep and I went back to Dad 's side and read him messages people were leaving him on Facebook . So many wonderful things people wrote to us . . . old stories and the like . I looked up at the clock and was astonished to see it was past midnight . . . where did the day go ? . . . . . . Better take a break , Rosie , go get Chris to take over . . . . . . and I just got a feeling like , Don 't leave , it 's happening right now . And I went back to his side , sat down and held his hand , and I can 't quite describe the feeling I had at that moment but I just knew his spirit was leaving his body . I continued to hold his hand for a couple of minutes , wondering at how warm he still felt . As if there was still life there , but there wasn 't . Looking at his familiar hands , those strong hands that had held me as a baby , scooped me up when I fell , brushed away tears , and of course made hundreds - or thousands ? - of beautiful works of art - - - and knowing it was the last time I would see them . . . was surreal and heartbreaking . He had changed so much during his illness , but his hands looked the same as always , those strong hands , from years of gymnastics and pottery . It was a sad night , full of crying and hugging . My cat completely freaked out , running around the house and meowing . Said the Hospice nurse when she arrived . . . " Sure , she 's never seen a spirit before . " We were all shocked by how quickly death took him . Even though we saw many signs that that was what was coming , we thought we would have more time with him . We had so many plans for when he got out of the hospital . He had talked for years about writing a book about his life experiences but never wrote any of it down . I had convinced him to start writing the book by dictating to a tape recorder and I would transcribe it later , but there was never time to do that before he was too ill . He had hoped to go to some gymnastics meets in Fayetteville and perhaps meet a nice woman to spend time with . He wanted me to help him set up a Facebook page . He wanted to read books all day to his granddaughter . So many things we never got to do . And yet , I refuse to be negative about his death . My dad was always positive , literally to the end was making other people laugh and being a force of happiness in the world . . . . so why should I be anything else ? Ever ? So came a brief interval of peace , grieving , and much needed rest . I had totally abandoned my studio for two months , during the marathon of my Dad 's hospital stay , move home , and then planning his memorial service . Those poor winter coats still sat waiting on the shelf in my studio . . . hard to focus on fashion at a time like that , even if it IS my job . Halloween came , a welcome distraction , and we had a good time taking our little one trick - or - treating . In early November we had family portraits done with Amber Herrera . They came out better than I ever would have hoped for , just beautiful . They make me so happy . She managed to capture our personalities really well and make beautiful works of art at the same time . Then in November , more bad news . My Uncle Jim went into a diabetic coma and was admitted at the hospital for two weeks . He recovered . . . as soon as he was released , his wife , Vicki , fell and broke her hip . But she also recovered and is doing ok now . Then came the worst news yet , my 91 year old Grandma Ruth was also in the hospital , very ill . She died on Thanksgiving day . It was another tragic loss to my family , and very hard for all of us . I was not expecting it at all . She was so spirited and healthy . I think I thought she would live forever . I wish I had been able to be with her that day . I had to get back to work in November , I had orders waiting . . . I couldn 't put it off anymore . I decided also to bring back my custom Christmas stockings and they were a great success . From mid - November to Christmas I made 21 custom Christmas stockings ! I 'm proud of that number . Each one takes about 3 hours to make so . . . . yeah , that 's a lot of stockings ! I also took several orders for custom clothing and other sewn items , making for a great Christmas season . out . The first coat was very fitted , so this next one will be roomier , designed to be able to wear it with layers underneath . After I get this second one done I 'll make the final versions of both in bamboo fleece and / or wool , take photos , and put them up for custom order ! Then I have one more coat design I want to try this year . . . . haha , it never ends . . . . just chain me to the pattern table , I 'm going to be there all September . " If only life had been so simple . Of course I spent all of September in the hospital . In fact I STILL haven 't gotten to the coats but I finally have a window of time now , finally ! ! ! to finish them and do some spring designs . In the middle of the pre - Christmas hubbub , full swing into Christmas stocking madness , there came more bad news . My other grandmother , Grandma Frances , who was my last living grandparent , was going into Hospice care . She lived in Maine so I had no way to visit her . I began trying to write her a letter to tell her goodbye . It was too difficult , I couldn 't do it . I would start to think about how it was the last letter I would ever write her ( we 've been corresponding through letters since I was very young , as soon as I learned to write ) , and I would freeze up . The evening of December 17th I got the message from my uncle that it could possibly be her last day . An hour later I was nervously calling the Hospice Home , talking to a nurse , imagining the cold snowy world of Maine outside the windows of the cozy little room . The nurse was very kind and made me feel at ease right away , and told me Grandma couldn 't speak but she could hear me , and held the phone to her ear . I opened my mouth and all kinds of things spilled out . I told her I loved her , and how proud I was of her , how proud I was that she was my grandmother . That I am proud to be named after her , and my daughter also . That I was hugging her right now , in my mind , with all my love , and that I wanted more than anything to be by her side . Over and over , that I loved her . This was my third time doing this - the first by my mother 's bedside , at age 13 , the second at Dad 's bedside , at 29 , and again , over the phone , at Frances 's bedside . I love you , I love you so much , we all love you . These are the words that come easily . Everything else is too hard to say and starts the tears flowing . And then I told her goodbye , and that was the very hardest thing of all . When the nurse came back on the phone she said she heard what I said and it was perfect . She said that Grandma 's breathing had changed and she seemed to be listening and trying to respond as well . I talked with the nurse for a moment about how beautiful and special my grandmother is . Then I asked her to squeeze herFrances Carney Gies It 's not easy , the realization that in such a short span of time you have lost the rest of your living parents and grandparents . I cry unexpectedly . . . . . all sorts of things remind me of all of them . Christmas was rough . I missed Dad especially badly . I kept thinking I needed to get him a gift - one of those neural pathways that had been reinforced for years - and it kept firing , a little reminder , " Look for coffee for Dad . " He was hard to shop for and coffee was always a safe bet . Then slowly . . . . the sinking realization , wait , he 's not here , I can 't give him a gift . . . the feeling of my heart dropping down into my stomach . . . . and then the tears . It was surprising the number of times I went through this same thought process . I find myself cherishing the tiny moments . Like the day that he told my daughter that she was beautiful , and smart , and a very good artist , so she would go far in life . I remember how that made her swell with pride . She wants to be an artist just like her Grampa Lynn . Or the way that he kept bragging to the nurses at the hospital that his daughter was a published clothing designer , and would delight at their interest in this . He was so supportive and sweet . Even as he became confused , he was so funny and so . . . just wonderful . One of his last days he was instructing me what to put in his milkshake , and his recipe was : " Half a cup of milk , a cup of sweetener ( like icecream ) , a scoop of chocolate protein powder , and a spoonful of magic , " which he told me in complete seriousness . I actually told him there was magic in it and it made him happy . Another funny memory is from one of the hardest days , when he hardly was awake or spoke at all . . . . and suddenly he was awake , and realized that I was getting tired as I was caring for him . He began impersonating the French soldiers in Monty Python , " I fart in your general direction ! Phhhhhbbbtt ! ! " in order to get me to laugh . It worked of course . One of my regrets is that I have no video of my Dad , nothing anytime recently at least . I wish I had taken some videos of him just being himself , to show my little daughter when she 's older , and also for his other ( future ) grandchildren . I know what he was like , his laugh , his voice , his constant sense of humor , and twinkle in his eye . . . and I will never forget ! ! but I wish I had that for them . It would have taken very little effort to make . I encourage you , reader - yes you ! To pick up your camera right now and go take a video of a loved one . It will be a treasure to your family in the future . The next time you see a family member or good friend , take a video as they tell a story . I am telling you , you will treasure it forever . Tonight as we ring in the new year , I am doing something exciting . I am cutting off my very long hair . I have been growing my hair out since I was pregnant , four years ago . Now it is very long and cumbersome and takes altogether too much energy and attention . So tonight . . . I am leaving the past behind , separating myself from my long , lovely hair , the one unchanging part of me that has been physically present through all of this trauma and heartache , and hoping it gives me a sense of renewal and a fresh beginning for the new year . I think it 's going to feel like freedom . More weight off my mind , literally ! I 'm psyched . I feel the hair would be much more useful in the hands of Locks of Love . If you 're not familiar with them , they provide a wonderful service for children who have hair loss due to medical conditions , and provides them with hairpieces . I 've never donated before but always wanted to and I thought it would be a good way to start off the new year ! ! If it interests you , here is their website : I want to close with some good news , in the form of some statistics . These are some of the stats from my sales the past two years . I am finally building my business and making visible progress . 2013 - Teen Wolf , Alice in Wonderland Dress , Dress , Deconstructika , Wedding Dress , Post Apocalyptic Clothing , Maternity Wedding Dress , Red Riding Hood , Snow White Dress , Zombie Costume . This year I will be trying to refine my style and hone my craft . I plan on trying out Kickstarter . I feel very clear now about what I want to accomplish and the direction I 'm headed . I feel good about it . I have learned many things this year but ringing strong and true , through every action I take - Make it count . Make every moment count . Every hug , smile , every kind word , the joy of life - - - drink it in , drain the cup , get every last drop of enjoyment out of this life ! ! ! It 's the only one we have . Much love to you and yours and a very Happy New Year to all of you ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! |
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